Jan. 26, 2024 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:36:03
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day You looking for me? | ||
| What? | ||
| You wanted the picture? | ||
| You wanted the picture? | ||
| He does a New York too where no one wants to talk to anybody Yeah Is that the one? | ||
| His Instagram is performance art. | ||
| They don't appreciate it because performance art is snobby. | ||
| And you think you have to be left-leaning, liberal, super fucking progressive. | ||
| That's the only way you can have performance art. | ||
| But no, what Andrew Dice Clay is doing is some of the best wild performance. | ||
| This is the funniest thing on Instagram. | ||
| Wild performance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The hat. | |
| The king's hat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The king's hat. | |
| What about the hat? | ||
| My hat. | ||
| The king's hat. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| No, but I'm saying I can see that you're a fan. | ||
| No, we're talking about my co-worker. | ||
| Oh, no, if you wanted a picture, you know. | ||
| I see that. | ||
| No, you wanted the picture with me. | ||
| No? | ||
| Yes, no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want me to take you a picture? | |
| No, I thought... | ||
| No, I'm just a simple person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright? | |
| I just said the king's hat and I haven't even worn it in four years. | ||
| He does this to so many unsuspecting people. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Wait, did you see the one with Matt Damon? | ||
| No. | ||
| He just got Matt Damon? | ||
| He got Matt Damon? | ||
| Get Matt Damon. | ||
| Matt Damon's at the fucking airport having a beer and a burger. | ||
| And he goes, I'm getting anxiety. | ||
| You just gotta see it. | ||
| It's so fucking good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so fucking good. | |
| And Matt Damon is the sweetest animal alive. | ||
| He just looks at him like, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| And by the way, Matt Damon's at fucking LAX in Delta just having a burger and a beer like a regular fucking dude. | ||
| He is just hanging out. | ||
| You gotta find the video. | ||
| He seems like a very normal guy. | ||
| But he's like, this is why I don't do this. | ||
| I've only had a couple interactions with him. | ||
| I think that's fucking Southwest. | ||
| This isn't even a lounge. | ||
| No, it's not a lounge. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His face with the glasses. | |
| The picture with the face. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Matt Damon has no fucking idea. | ||
| He has no idea. | ||
| He has no fucking idea. | ||
| Now here's the question, is that legal? | ||
| Sort of, but it should not be. | ||
| But is that legal? | ||
| You can just take some guy who's working at an upholstery shop, and Andrew Dice Clay is like, he wanted the picture. | ||
| He does it on street corners a lot, so you're in public, right? | ||
| And if you're in public, you can be filmed. | ||
| Which is also wild. | ||
| Which is wild. | ||
| It's kind of wild. | ||
| And you can be filmed against your knowledge. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of wild. | ||
| My favorite is when those young white kids do it to just black dudes, and then they're like, hey, did you want me to kiss me on the lips? | ||
| And the guy goes, no, you're talking to the wrong motherfucker. | ||
| And he's like, in a second, and then he just jaws the dude and knocks him unconscious, and you're like, that's even a bunch. | ||
| There's a bunch of those that go sideways that are stupid. | ||
| It's like, well, you got it. | ||
| They're not really thought out. | ||
| Or there's the fart prank. | ||
| You know, like, there's people that do... | ||
| Fart in elevators? | ||
| No, they'll fart, like, in public, but they'll go to, like, the hood, and then, like, walk up where people are hanging out, and then just fart, and you see black people be like, nah. | ||
| And, like, get up and, like, chase you. | ||
| Like, it's... | ||
| It's because it's, like, you're trying to elicit this reaction that's... | ||
| Do you remember Kentucky Black movie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very dangerous. | ||
| It's super dangerous to do that. | ||
| Yeah, it's very, very dangerous. | ||
| Because they don't know that you're doing a prank. | ||
| No. | ||
| They think you're a crazy person. | ||
| And they think you came over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They think they can get stabbed. | |
| If someone's that nuts, they just get right in your face out of nowhere with some goofy thing to say. | ||
| And if you're doing the fart one, they think you're coming over to where people are just to fart on someone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It doesn't go well. | ||
| They're like, no, it's for a prank for my YouTube. | ||
| They're like, huh? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You just picked the wrong people, and they just instantly go into violence. | ||
| Did you see the fucking guy? | ||
| Oh my god, this is in Europe, where his prank was he pours liquefied dog shit on people. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He just got arrested. | ||
| So you're on the subway, and he has a bucket. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Of dog shit that he's put in the bucket and put water in. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| And then he dumps it on people. | ||
| He dumps it on their heads? | ||
| Just kill them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| YouTuber arrested for throwing bucket of poo on train passengers. | ||
| He's done it many times. | ||
| Like, several times. | ||
| And he's filming- He's got just- Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A prankster was arrested. | |
| Oh, fuck this guy. | ||
| It's super insane. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's a bucket of shit. | ||
| Psychopath. | ||
| Yeah, and then he's just like... | ||
| What a psychopath. | ||
| He just dumps a bucket of shit on this guy's back. | ||
| Belgium. | ||
| I've heard nothing's crap. | ||
| And that's an easy way to be dead. | ||
| You do that to the wrong person. | ||
| They'll throw you in front of the truck. | ||
| Any person. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of people that... | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| It's totally insane. | ||
| He just dumped it on that guy's neck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It feels like water for a second, and then you gotta realize. | ||
| Oh, just shit all over you. | ||
| Shit all over you? | ||
| Hours from home. | ||
| Look at that little black chick going, what? | ||
| She's like, I'm gonna be a prankster. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| This is the most insane thing I've seen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| But that is, like, he's now being charged with assault, battery, like, you know. | ||
| Well, I think it's, like, bio-terrorism, too. | ||
| There's something weird. | ||
| Like, human shit falls into a weird category. | ||
| Yeah, spitting on someone is almost like hitting them. | ||
| There was a guy in New York who was rubbing shit in people's faces in the subways. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, just coming behind him with pickup dog shit and then just rubbing on people. | ||
| Dude, Native Americans used to dip their arrowheads in shit just to ensure that you'd be infected. | ||
| We gotta take care of that. | ||
| Yeah, to poison people when you get hit. | ||
| Right, because immediately infection was started. | ||
| Yeah, you're getting infected. | ||
| They knew about that. | ||
| Shit is what caused all the plagues. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's what caused all the plagues. | ||
| We saw that guy that would shit in his hand. | ||
| Tom and I have an offer out to Mark Cuban to rub shit on our faces for $1.75 million. | ||
| His shit? | ||
| Your shit. | ||
| He rubs it on your face barehanded? | ||
| No. | ||
| Now listen, we're hoping that Elon hears this and then ups the ante and says, Mark, if you shit on your face, I'll give another 1.75. | ||
| But yeah, Tom's fans of this guy that shits on his face. | ||
| Wait a minute, there's a guy that you're a fan of that shits on his face? | ||
| There's this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| There's this guy that will, like, he'll do like a birthday wish naked. | ||
| He just stands there naked and then he flops his dick around. | ||
| But if you pay him more, he'll shit in his hand. | ||
| You're not going to believe this? | ||
| It's actually worse when you see it. | ||
| It's pretty bad. | ||
| It's pretty bad. | ||
| That's naked Martin. | ||
| Oh my god, it's worse when you see it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's pretty bad. | |
| It's so bad, Joe. | ||
| Joe, Joe, Joe, you haven't even heard the worst. | ||
| Oh, Joe, you got a surprise coming your way! | ||
| You got a surprise coming your way! | ||
| Don't worry, Joe, you'll get it. | ||
| Am I going to have to watch this? | ||
| Oh, you'll get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There he is. | |
| Are you going to make me watch this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He looks just like you. | ||
| Do the one with the oranges, Tom, please. | ||
| When I do your mom's house, dude, I had a really hard time not throwing up. | ||
| There's multiple times I had to look away. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| This guy looks like old Joe. | ||
| If you go to his Naked Martin Twitter, You might be able to find it, Jamie. | ||
| Nakedmartin.co.uk, is that what it is? | ||
| Just for the folks at home? | ||
| This is if you want to book a video. | ||
| Folks, if you want to get yourself a video, the gentleman is Naked Martin. | ||
| Naked Martin. | ||
| Naked Martin is all about showing his hog. | ||
| Which, by the way, is... | ||
| No, no, stop. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| How did he do that? | ||
| The guy's magic? | ||
| He's magic? | ||
| That's a reverse video. | ||
| By the way, that's a promo video I would have done in a fucking heartbeat. | ||
| Sell some fucking tickets. | ||
| Can I just pause to point something out here? | ||
| How wild is Twitter? | ||
| You can have full porn on Twitter. | ||
| Twitter goes full porn. | ||
| But for some reason, that is like outside of the conversation when it comes to advertiser boycotts. | ||
| That's totally true. | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| Because they're saying, if you allow certain kinds of conversations, we won't advertise. | ||
| Is he going to cover his glasses? | ||
| Go back to the glasses. | ||
| Is he going to cover his glasses? | ||
| Yes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's he going to do with that? | |
| What the fuck are you making me watch? | ||
| Look, his stomach's pulsating. | ||
| Put him on! | ||
| By the way, that's not that bad. | ||
| I'd do that. | ||
| This guy's gonna jerk off on food that he eats. | ||
| I saw food, Martin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe, I don't think the video's over. | |
| If I know Martin, he's got another trick up that sleeve. | ||
| What are you gonna do, Martin? | ||
| What are you gonna do, Martin? | ||
| There you fucking go! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why he makes some big bucks, motherfucker! | |
| I legit just retched. | ||
| Legit just retched. | ||
| I almost lost it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta find a face smothering, Jamie. | |
| On your own, find a face smothering. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't do it. | |
| Don't do it, Jamie. | ||
| Bring it back when you find it. | ||
| I think I need smelling salt. | ||
| Okay, but I wanted to ask you this. | ||
| I remember you had Jack Dorsey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Stop, Jamie. | ||
| I need a drink. | ||
| I need a cigar. | ||
| I need something to clean the pen. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that's so crazy. | ||
| That's someone's baby boy. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| No, no, no more. | ||
| Come on, buddy. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| This is depressing the shit out of me. | ||
| That's someone's baby boy. | ||
| Someone was playing catch with that kid in the park. | ||
| Wait, hold on. | ||
| So, when you've had, like, back in the day, you had Jack Dorsey on, you've had Zuckerberg on, and you've talked about, you know, Censorship. | ||
| What gets policed? | ||
| Because it always feels like these big companies have inconsistent rules about what they do. | ||
| Oh, if it's this, and this could be misinformation, or we don't know if we can verify. | ||
| It never feels like, oh, that's the clear answer. | ||
| But on Instagram, there's this thing where somebody could say something about whatever, a political candidate, maybe COVID, and then people go like... | ||
| That account is gone, right? | ||
| Or it's like, but you and I have a text thread that is pretty horrific that is fueled only by Instagram. | ||
| And you're like, wait, why is all this okay? | ||
| Tom and I every day send each other the most horrific shit we find on Instagram. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| It's people getting run over by trains every day. | ||
| It's people getting mauled by animals. | ||
| What do they say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the reason? | |
| Shot. | ||
| Oh, electrocuted, hit by lightning, dump trucks fall on top of them. | ||
| I actually ran into an engineer at Meta two days ago, and he was talking to me, and I was like, what's up with this? | ||
| And he's like, yeah, there's just so many accounts. | ||
| And I'm like, no. | ||
| I go, these are accounts that have been up forever, and they just have murders. | ||
| Well, here, not only that, they just show up in my feed, and I'm not following them. | ||
| Oh, yeah, of course. | ||
| That's the algorithm. | ||
| It's like the algorithm knows that I've watched that shit. | ||
| He said if you look at something for two seconds, that means they will start sending you more. | ||
| So does the algorithm recognize that you like car accidents? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Or that you're watching them. | ||
| It's just saying this guy will watch a car. | ||
| It's not enough to like, don't click on that because it'll lead to more. | ||
| But my point is that that means that the algorithm recognizes what that video is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So if the algorithm recognizes what that video is and it doesn't flag it. | ||
| Then it could take it off if it wanted to. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But if they wanted to just not only let the algorithm encourage you to watch it, but leave the videos up. | ||
| Because the baseline goal of all those is keep you on the platform. | ||
| We should go back in our text thread like six months and see if any of those videos are still up. | ||
| I bet you a lot are. | ||
| That would be wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because some of the ones, there's so many war ones. | ||
| There's so many ones of like drones dropping down on people and you're watching their legs blow off. | ||
| I watched a dude get sucked into a sinkhole. | ||
| I saw four black chicks fall into a sinkhole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sinkholes are crazy. | |
| That's Florida. | ||
| Sinkholes are crazy. | ||
| Like one day your house can just fall into a bottomless pit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Out of nowhere, the earth collapses underneath where your structure is. | ||
| A car in an intersection just swallowed up. | ||
| Swallowed up. | ||
| And you realize that like, who do you call? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you think you're like, hey, I'm mad at the mayor. | |
| The earth just did it. | ||
| Well, the reality is asphalt is preposterous. | ||
| It's a ridiculous idea. | ||
| It fucks up erosion. | ||
| It does so many things. | ||
| It fucks up absorption of the water naturally into the ground. | ||
| You're covering everything with rock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're gonna call you an anti-falter. | ||
| And then underneath that, what's happening? | ||
| What's happening underneath all that rock? | ||
| I would imagine a lot of that water's moving around in there, and if it creates a nice little pocket, and then you get the weight of all these buildings, and then one day, just... | ||
| They just go under, dude! | ||
| They've lost blocks! | ||
| Have you ever seen those crazy giant sinkholes where a whole block has fallen into it? | ||
| See if you can find a giant sinkhole. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| That's photoshopped. | ||
| Is that photoshopped? | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| Read the caption. | ||
| Oh no, it's real. | ||
| That might be after they imploded it. | ||
| No man, it might be real. | ||
| It's so deep though. | ||
| Let me double check for another source. | ||
| Yeah, let Jamie double check, but I think that one was real. | ||
| They did a good job with the overhang. | ||
| Look, if you're looking at the ground, you're thinking the ground. | ||
| If you're looking down, right? | ||
| You're thinking the ground. | ||
| I think it's real, dude. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| That was the original 9-11 memorial. | ||
| It's insane because it looks like a fucking UFO just went through the earth. | ||
| It looks like a black hole went through the earth. | ||
| It looks so perfectly cut. | ||
| How lucky are you if you're the house on the corner that now has a beautiful view? | ||
| So lucky. | ||
| Bro, how much are you thinking about moving? | ||
| How much are you thinking about moving? | ||
| Hey, be careful coming out. | ||
| Be careful leaving. | ||
| It came out in almost a perfect circle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Doesn't that make you feel so small in the world, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would want to get the fuck away from there. | |
| Of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I would want to get the fuck away from that spot. | ||
| That spot might fall into the earth. | ||
| But it just makes you feel like you're so arrogant to think that any of this is yours. | ||
| The arrogance when the big waves were coming in to California like a month ago about, I drove the girls out to go look at the big waves. | ||
| They were fucking massive, 20 feet. | ||
| It's really impressive. | ||
| It sounds like thunder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And Isla got swept out by a wave. | ||
| There's a video of it. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| She's fine. | ||
| But it's funny. | ||
| It's on my Instagram. | ||
| How swept out? | ||
| You can see it. | ||
| She didn't get taken out to sea. | ||
| She got overtaken by a wave. | ||
| And it was, it's funny because it's very lighthearted, but then as, and I don't even think I handed it well as a parent. | ||
| Yeah, you filmed it and it didn't help? | ||
| I filmed and then said, is your cell phone in your pocket? | ||
| And so, but what's crazy is the moment of clarity after that, where you go, hold on, we're not safe here. | ||
| Like this is, oh, hang on, this is actually really dangerous. | ||
| This is Isla. | ||
| And she just, like she was just fucking around and then. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| And it's, like, aggressive. | ||
| Of course, we're all laughing. | ||
| She's far enough away where I'm not scared. | ||
| Sort of, but if she slipped further back, that's all coming back. | ||
| But what I'm saying is that, like, that's one of those, you know, 50 feet here, 50 feet there things. | ||
| Like, if you fuck up and you're 50 feet in front of that, and you think you can get away... | ||
| I've had multiple ocean scares now. | ||
| Like, the ones where you're, like... | ||
| Crying on the beach. | ||
| Well, no, just that, like, in the moment... | ||
| I keep telling myself, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. | ||
| And one I remember was in Hawaii where we rented a Jeep and we were like, we want to go see something. | ||
| So they tell you, oh, take this road. | ||
| And it takes you to this single road that goes up where there used to be volcanoes. | ||
| And we come up on this beach. | ||
| And they had mentioned the beach, but not really too much about it. | ||
| And so when we parked... | ||
| I was like, I love the ocean water, I'm gonna get in the ocean, you know? | ||
| So I get in the ocean, and I remember that going in, the beach into the water was a decline, right? | ||
| So like, you go down. | ||
| And I was just like, knee deep in there, about to, and I was like, man, this current is pulling back hard, like really hard. | ||
| And I kind of take a step back and I feel myself going further down a decline into the ocean, right? | ||
| And when I decide to get out, I have to really push hard, like all legs, like boom, boom, like run, like you're running up a hill to get out. | ||
| And I was like, that was fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was kind of scary. | |
| There was a WWE wrestler. | ||
| They tell me, though, when I get back to the hotel... | ||
| They go, I go, yeah, we took it. | ||
| I go, that beach was a little scary. | ||
| They go, did you get in the water? | ||
| And I go, yeah. | ||
| And they go, oh, you can't get in that water. | ||
| They're like, you'll drown in that water. | ||
| Did you notice there was nobody swimming there? | ||
| I go, yeah, I noticed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought it was beautiful. | |
| I thought I found a fucking oasis. | ||
| They don't tell you? | ||
| They didn't tell me. | ||
| They're like, do not swim in that water. | ||
| They're like, you can't swim out of that. | ||
| They're like, if you had swam 10 feet in, they're like, you're just gone. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| And the panic you feel, especially in retrospect, because you remember the feeling of being like, I think I'm stuck here. | ||
| You know, I think I'm stuck right now. | ||
| Fitzsimmons saved a lady in Thailand. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, someone was drowning and Fitzsimmons swam out and saved them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Thailand. | ||
| Somewhere crazy like that. | ||
| Yeah, he was on vacation. | ||
| I might have made up Thailand. | ||
| It doesn't sound like a place Fitzsimmons would go. | ||
| No, he would go. | ||
| He's a world traveler. | ||
| No, he's a Hawaii guy. | ||
| He surfs in Hawaii. | ||
| Wherever it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Fitzsimmons went in the ocean and saved a lady. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw my dad save a lady. | ||
| That's a scary thing. | ||
| In a resort. | ||
| It was at the bottom of the pool. | ||
| Just laying at the bottom of the pool. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| When I was like nine years old, it was like father, son, he took me to this resort, and there's a slide. | ||
| You ever go on a slide where the water that comes off the slide, so in other words, when you hit the water, it's like high impact. | ||
| You're like, holy shit, and it pushes you down. | ||
| I'm nine years old, so this was many years ago. | ||
| And I remember, like, I could swim. | ||
| I was on swim team, like, as a little kid. | ||
| But I remember being like, fuck, that is powerful. | ||
| Like, it pushes you down, right? | ||
| And you just swim up, and we're all, people are, you know, at the resort. | ||
| And then look down, and my dad swims to the bottom of the pool and pulls up this lifeless body. | ||
| And then they do CPR, and she came back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up! | |
| And they would write letters to our house for years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was 19. She wasn't a little kid. | |
| Did you see the guy, the snowboarder upside down when the random skier comes by? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Just sees a snowboard sticking this far out of the snow? | ||
| Is this the one where... | ||
| And the guy was buried under the snow. | ||
| He goes, what the fuck? | ||
| He stops. | ||
| You saved the guy's life randomly. | ||
| Is this separate? | ||
| Have you seen the footage where the guy's wearing the GoPro? | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then he's like, falls into the ditch. | ||
| Into like a hole. | ||
| That is visceral. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then he's just like, we'll see what happens. | ||
| Obviously, he got out because there's footage, but when you're watching that, you're like, oh my god, you could just fall in there forever, and apparently that's something that happens. | ||
| Tree wells? | ||
| That's something that happens. | ||
| So this guy just falls, and then watch this. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| What? | ||
| I know Bert's feeling this. | ||
| No, I've had a couple experiences like this. | ||
| He manages to stop himself. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck? | ||
| How the fuck do you get out of that? | ||
| How the fuck do you get out of that? | ||
| Fuck the skis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How did he get out of that? | |
| It's over, Joe. | ||
| But no, he's out. | ||
| I think I've read about this. | ||
| They had to get search and rescue. | ||
| He had to hang out down there for a while. | ||
| Search and rescue had to come up. | ||
| Holy shit, he's so lucky. | ||
| He's so lucky that he stopped right there. | ||
| Right here he's not flailing. | ||
| He's putting his arm and his ski out. | ||
| So this guy was able to keep some composure. | ||
| Which is kind of the craziest part. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So this is the snowboarder that's buried upside down. | ||
| So this guy just sees that little blue piece. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Just randomly. | ||
| This happened to me. | ||
| Skied right over him. | ||
| Yeah, he easily could have missed that. | ||
| There's not much blue. | ||
| Soft snow, he's in a tree well is what it is. | ||
| So the tree wells, it's really soft, soft snow. | ||
| So if you get stuck in a tree well, you are fucking dead. | ||
| A lot of people die in tree wells. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Yeah, I'm thinking of getting one of those GPS things. | ||
| We went snowboarding in Matterhorn, hella skiing, and the guy put a beacon on us. | ||
| And the first thing he said, he puts a beacon, it's like four feet of powder. | ||
| And he says, this is so we can find the body. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, you might fall into a crevasse or an avalanche. | |
| So we put the beacon on to find the body. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That feeling. | ||
| This happened to me. | ||
| That feeling is terrifying. | ||
| This guy's like, thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good. | |
| We'll get you out of here in a sec, okay? | ||
| He was dead. | ||
| He knew he was dead too. | ||
| I'm feeling panic watching this. | ||
| He knew he was dead. | ||
| So what happens is, like what happened to me when we were heliskiing is I fell face forward in powder. | ||
| Snow skiing, snowboarding in powder, four feet of powder is very different than snowboarding. | ||
| It's like you have to have your bindings reset, you have to really know how to ride the powder, and I could not turn right. | ||
| And the guy told me, he's like, don't go within five feet of my tracks. | ||
| Stay within my tracks. | ||
| So the whole time, I can only turn left. | ||
| At the time, I really wasn't that good of a snowboarder. | ||
| But I could snowboard, but not in powder. | ||
| And so he's going like this, and all I can do is go left, and I'm just going off the track. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And I'm fucking panicking. | ||
| By the way, we're at like 13,000 feet, 14,000 feet. | ||
| It's very little oxygen. | ||
| I'm gassed. | ||
| I'm fat. | ||
| I'm hungover. | ||
| It's the day after the national championship that we went to. | ||
| So we had eaten edibles. | ||
| It was the day after that? | ||
| It was the day after that. | ||
| I flew to fucking... | ||
| I flew to Switzerland and immediately landed and went hella skiing. | ||
| I don't remember that. | ||
| And so... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| When we went to Florida State versus Alabama. | ||
| Oh, 2013. Yeah, 2013. So, all of a sudden, I go to cut right, and I catch my nose, and I fucking go face first in the snow. | ||
| And at first, I'm like, fine. | ||
| I push my arms in, and they just do not touch anything. | ||
| It just goes like this. | ||
| And now snow's impacted on my face, so I can't really breathe. | ||
| And first of all, I deal with panic, but panic kicks in immediately, and I'm like, this is why I have the fucking beacon on. | ||
| And so I try to clear the snow out of my face, but I'm like pulling all the muscles in my back trying to turn over. | ||
| And then the guy just comes up behind me, grabs me on the back, flips me over and he goes, you should see your sound guy. | ||
| My sound guy's upside down, skis kicking, upside down in the snow. | ||
| And we just got the fuck out. | ||
| We got on a helicopter and got the fuck out. | ||
| I was like, this isn't safe. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not interested in any of that nonsense. | ||
| Did I tell you about my last ski experience? | ||
| I only used to ski with my family. | ||
| This resonates every time I go skiing because you go, it's not worth it. | ||
| He always says that. | ||
| He always says it every time I go skiing. | ||
| I would go skiing because they wanted to go skiing, and I would be like, this is fun, it's good for kids to learn early because they're really good at it, and my wife likes it. | ||
| But I would be like, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, didn't get hurt. | ||
| Back up. | ||
| Don't get hurt, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, didn't get hurt. | ||
| Good. | ||
| So all I'm doing is mitigating risk. | ||
| The entire time I'm skiing. | ||
| Because I've had fucking three knee operations. | ||
| I really know what it's like to blow your shit apart. | ||
| And they're like, naive. | ||
| To how vulnerable your knees are. | ||
| And kids are fucking rubber. | ||
| They just fucking bounce off rocks and they're fine. | ||
| They fall down. | ||
| They only weigh 80 pounds. | ||
| They fall down and they get right back up. | ||
| Right back up. | ||
| But... | ||
| So this last time I was going around this turn and this lady didn't know how to ski and it looked like she was just a fresh beginner and she was like doing the pizza thing but she was sliding right into the trail and it's a narrow trail and I'm like I have two options. | ||
| I'm wiping this lady out or I'm gonna catastrophically fall down. | ||
| I went with option two. | ||
| And I fucking tried to slide around this lady, and my skis went up in the air, and I banged the back of my head hard. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| And I fractured my leg. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's called an insufficiency fracture. | ||
| It's a fracture at the top of the fibula, or the tibia, rather, where the tibia touches the cartilage. | ||
| I had a fracture. | ||
| And I was 100% concussed. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because I got on... | ||
| Wait, hold on, hold on. | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| Helmet? | ||
| Yeah, helmet on. | ||
| It didn't matter. | ||
| It was hard snow, head first. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| And I remember thinking, like, wow, that was a big one. | ||
| I remember thinking that, like, when I got hit, I was like, that's a big one. | ||
| And I got on the ski lift afterwards, and I just miscalculated, like, I wasn't coordinated, and I fell down, and I couldn't get up. | ||
| What? | ||
| I couldn't get up without help. | ||
| The lady had to help me get up. | ||
| She had to reach out and grab my hand. | ||
| Because of the concussion. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| So I'm just... | ||
| Dizzy. | ||
| I'm off. | ||
| How long ago is this? | ||
| A couple years ago? | ||
| It was more than that. | ||
| It was pre-pandemic. | ||
| Joe, I think about this every time I go fucking snowboarding. | ||
| I think it was three years ago. | ||
| No, I think it was three years ago. | ||
| After pandemic? | ||
| Yeah, I think it was during pandemic. | ||
| It was when people started skiing again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was before. | |
| It was definitely before. | ||
| I don't think so, man. | ||
| Joe, this story resonates- Maybe it's the last time he wants to ski. | ||
| At the most, it's four years old. | ||
| But I was like, that's just... | ||
| And then Shane Dorian tore his fucking knee apart. | ||
| World champion big wave surfer tears his knee apart snowboarding. | ||
| Just slammed into a tree and... | ||
| That's why you gotta ski, folks. | ||
| Oh, hey, hang on, hang on. | ||
| Do you want to hear a story about old... | ||
| I just told you I was skiing! | ||
| I was skiing! | ||
| You don't like snowboarding? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Let me share the story of skiing with Ari Shafir. | ||
| So first of all, Ari gets this app that tracks how fast you're going. | ||
| So the entire ski trip is based on how fast can you get... | ||
| And Ari's like, I think I got up to 70. I bet I can break 75. I bet I can get 75. You're going 75 miles an hour on a skis? | ||
| I was trying to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we go, our last run in, there's, it's a blue. | ||
| Park City. | ||
| And Ari is absolutely reckless. | ||
| Off trail. | ||
| Well, because O'Neal's better than me. | ||
| I'm like, let's race. | ||
| And I'm like, go. | ||
| And I just got the one second head start. | ||
| So we got Sean Patton, Mark Normand, O'Neal, Renesee. | ||
| Fat Jay, loser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we're all just, all we're doing is skiing to a bar, okay? | ||
| We're all going to go get drunk and ski to a bar, and I just hear Ari fucking basketball. | ||
| He dresses like a fucking 13-year-old basketball jersey, fucking, he's got the Viking horn helmet on, like a fucking lunatic. | ||
| This isn't, is this? | ||
| That's my magic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's Ari. | |
| That's my magic jersey, though. | ||
| And look, I got my sweatpants over the chair. | ||
| And so Ari, we're at the top of the mountain. | ||
| He's like, let's see how fast we can go before we go to the bar. | ||
| And I was like, I'm on a snowboard. | ||
| The fastest I'm getting is 37 miles per hour. | ||
| That's the fastest I'm going. | ||
| And I'm terrified. | ||
| Because I hear you in my head going, it's not worth it. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| Because he'd already stopped. | ||
| Ari decides to break the sound barrier, pins his feet together, and like a goddamn bullet starts fucking flying. | ||
| Literally, feet in front of the bar, wipes out and breaks his wrist. | ||
| Some snowboarder turned back too fast. | ||
| He was making nice wide loops, and then he made a sharp one, flew, demolished it, shattered it. | ||
| He had to get reconstructed. | ||
| Yeah, there was a pin in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And all I heard was Joe Rogan, it's not worth it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How fast were you going? | |
| I was going pretty fast. | ||
| I was winning. | ||
| I thought O'Neal was right behind me. | ||
| He had stopped immediately. | ||
| You have to think about it this way. | ||
| For this momentary thrill of adrenaline and excitement, you potentially risk a life of catastrophic injury. | ||
| That's every time I come on this podcast. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Look, I get it because life is finite. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You want to live and experience everything you want. | ||
| But I believe you should mitigate risk. | ||
| And I believe people are drawn to excitement. | ||
| You seek out dangerous animals. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm telling you, I mitigate risk. | ||
| And the risk of skiing to me is like, that one is like, there's too many variables. | ||
| What do you think is the most dangerous activity you do? | ||
| Well, when I'm training, I'm not doing jiu-jitsu right now, but that's for sure the most dangerous. | ||
| Other than driving a car. | ||
| Yeah, you're practicing strangling each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're doing it with people who are really good at strangling people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love skiing so much. | ||
| Grabbing your legs and yanking them apart. | ||
| This last trip was the last time. | ||
| How was it skiing as a less fat guy? | ||
| As a sober person. | ||
| As a less fat guy? | ||
| As a less fat guy! | ||
| It was fucking amazing. | ||
| I did a weird thing this year. | ||
| I didn't post any videos. | ||
| I didn't record anything. | ||
| I just had lived. | ||
| Just lived. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| My girls loved it. | ||
| They were like, this is great, we're not on Instagram for fucking people to see. | ||
| And I wasn't drinking, and I was skinny. | ||
| And I was like, I said, the only thing I recorded was, I want to show you my favorite trick. | ||
| I could touch my foot. | ||
| I could never touch my foot snowboarding. | ||
| So getting my bindings on was so fucking tough. | ||
| It was so annoying. | ||
| My gut was in the way, and it was so uncomfortable. | ||
| Dude, you were on stage Tuesday night, and I was like, you're too jacked. | ||
| You're too jacked to take your shirt off now. | ||
| It's not funny anymore. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You know there are people that really believe that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There are people that really believe that you're not funny. | ||
| It's your freedom of you being you is you taking your shirt off. | ||
| Your freedom of you being you and now you no longer have a gut and you've got jacked shoulders. | ||
| You've got traps and shit. | ||
| It's like that's a celebration of still who you are. | ||
| Also, you're still fatter than you were when you were the fat guy. | ||
| I'm still fat. | ||
| I'm still fat. | ||
| He got so fat that he lost weight. | ||
| I was like, that's amazing. | ||
| When he started playing the fat guy. | ||
| Playing the fat guy? | ||
| You mean when Tom started fat shaming me? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When Tom was fatter than me and decided to start fat shaming me. | ||
| I naively thought that when we did the first challenge, which was the weight loss challenge that led to Sober October group, I really thought you'd stay on that path. | ||
| You got so skinny. | ||
| I didn't care. | ||
| I didn't care. | ||
| You have to want to do it. | ||
| November 1st. | ||
| I tell you right now, Sober October was an interesting experiment. | ||
| But I will tell you, having done like three months or whatever I did, that one month is... | ||
| And the big difference is I stopped drinking on planes because I wasn't not drinking on a plane because of you three assholes. | ||
| Like I was not drinking because of you guys. | ||
| And then when you're not drinking, and you go, I'm not drinking for me, it's very fucking different. | ||
| And then I got really comfortable on planes, and I was like, oh, I can get through this. | ||
| Why can't scientists just make a booze that doesn't kill you? | ||
| Can't you fucking wizards out there? | ||
| There has to be. | ||
| There has to be. | ||
| Make a booze that doesn't kill you. | ||
| There's gotta be a way, if you can make synthetic marijuana... | ||
| And turn it into pills. | ||
| There's gotta be a way to take whatever the fuck it is that alcohol does good, that gives you that fun, carefree smile, the buzz smile. | ||
| Everything feels right. | ||
| It's gotta be. | ||
| It washes over you. | ||
| The sun sets and the day goes away. | ||
| And you're just like in a good mood. | ||
| You get that buzz. | ||
| You ride it. | ||
| A nice meal. | ||
| Like how many times have we had meals on the road where we're having a couple of drinks. | ||
| We're eating a nice meal. | ||
| We're talking and we're laughing. | ||
| It's a lubricant. | ||
| We're just enjoying ourselves. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| It's such a fucking tool. | ||
| The post show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The post show. | |
| Dude, I was doing the Wilbur. | ||
| I'll do it again this weekend. | ||
| But she asked Blooming Rush's daughter. | ||
| Did you say Ari Shaffir's going to be at the Wilbur in Boston this weekend? | ||
| Thursday and Friday. | ||
| The legendary Wilbur. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| I thought you were in Cheyenne, Wyoming next week. | ||
| How many shows? | ||
| Is that you? | ||
| Oh, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and then through Colorado. | ||
| Three shows? | ||
| So two Saturdays, one Friday? | ||
| Two Friday, one Thursday. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| You're not going to be in Atlantic City at the Hard Rock? | ||
| You're not going to be at the Atlantic City Hard Rock? | ||
| No, who's there? | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| I'm there in the summer. | ||
| I did that with Joey. | ||
| I did it with Joey and Tony. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| Do you know what Joey told me? | ||
| What? | ||
| First of all, he goes, If I see you wearing those glasses, I'm going to fucking break them. | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| He calls me. | ||
| I'm in Hawaii. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Happy New Year. | ||
| And he's like, you got to take those off. | ||
| I go, I need them to see, though. | ||
| I put them on to see. | ||
| He goes, it can't be those. | ||
| I go, why? | ||
| He goes, are you fucking doing the news? | ||
| And I go, no. | ||
| Doing the news? | ||
| That's when people read in your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How are you doing the news? | |
| I go, well, dude, am I allowed? | ||
| I go, can I wear another pair of glasses that are approved? | ||
| And he's like, he goes, yeah. | ||
| He goes, but it can't be those. | ||
| And I go, okay. | ||
| And then he goes, he takes his buddy Holly over here. | ||
| Yeah, he goes, I'll see you in two weeks. | ||
| And I go, where are you going to see me in two weeks? | ||
| He goes, when you come to Jersey, when you're in Atlantic City. | ||
| And I go, oh, great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, I noticed the last time you were in Jersey, you didn't give me a call. | |
| You were hanging out with your white friends. | ||
| And I go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, don't think I've forgotten. | |
| You're a fucking Hispanic. | ||
| You give me a call every time you come to Jersey. | ||
| I go, okay, I'm sorry. | ||
| He's the king of New Jersey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Joey's open to a residency here. | ||
| In Austin? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're talking about doing it. | ||
| Once a month, Joey will come down for like three days. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| Joey and I should get a house together. | ||
| I'm here for three days. | ||
| Dude, he loosened up on the podcast. | ||
| Having a podcast with Joey, you forget. | ||
| You forget what that dude is. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| What a special unicorn. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| I've said this. | ||
| He's the unicorn. | ||
| There's no one even remotely like him. | ||
| He was there when Ari drugged me. | ||
| He came and saved my life. | ||
| He saved your life. | ||
| Jesus, this is getting dramatic. | ||
| He stole the other Molly. | ||
| He stole the other Molly. | ||
| No, this is the best Joey Diaz story. | ||
| I call him up. | ||
| I'm having a panic attack. | ||
| I go, Joey, Ari just drugged me. | ||
| He's like, I'll be there in five, cocksucker. | ||
| Walks through the house. | ||
| He goes, Mrs. K, don't come out back. | ||
| Bad shit's happening out there. | ||
| He comes out and goes, what's going on, cocksuckers? | ||
| I go, Ari just drugged me. | ||
| He goes, let me see it. | ||
| Ari pulls out the other Molly. | ||
| Joey takes it, eats it, and goes, we're all seeing the devil's dick tonight, cocksucker. | ||
| No one's died on my watch. | ||
| If you die, I die. | ||
| We're all dying. | ||
| He's the fucking best. | ||
| We're all seeing the devil's dick tonight. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| He's the funniest human being I've ever met. | ||
| I'll buy a house with Joey in a heartbeat. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's one of the ways to do it. | ||
| Get a comedy condo? | ||
| No, I'm legitimately thinking about that. | ||
| I've been thinking about that anyway because I've been thinking about doing a studio in downtown Austin with a view. | ||
| Because there's apartments that have a view. | ||
| If you could do a studio in an apartment out there. | ||
| You could have nighttime podcasts right after doing a comedy show. | ||
| So you do a show at the Comedy, just like we used to do at the Ice House. | ||
| So you do a show at the Mothership and then go straight up to the condo, which is like three minutes away. | ||
| It makes sense, right? | ||
| I'm gonna problem solve this. | ||
| After doing, now I think, seven sets in this couple days at your club, I think that's a horrible idea. | ||
| The amount of freedom that is at your club, the amount of free speech at your club is so dangerous. | ||
| Yesterday, I went up and I was like, wait, I didn't realize I can say anything I want. | ||
| You should have seen his face light up. | ||
| He's like, what are those bags on everybody's tables? | ||
| Oh, you didn't know? | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| Shane Gillis is really taking some chances. | ||
| He's screaming about how communism is good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pol Pot was a god. | ||
| And so I got up. | ||
| I was hosting and then did an hour at the end of the show. | ||
| We did like three hours at the end of the show. | ||
| We did a long time together. | ||
| Wild shit. | ||
| But I didn't realize you can say whatever you want. | ||
| You really can just take chances. | ||
| So I felt like I wasn't doing my due diligence as a comic. | ||
| So I wrote the worst joke I could think of. | ||
| Like just insider joke. | ||
| Just like a... | ||
| And it did well, and I was like, fuck, this is crazy. | ||
| You want to take that energy up to that studio and do a podcast. | ||
| And then I get off your thing, and I'm talking wild, and then I go up to yours, and I'm like, you know, what about Hitler? | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| His dad wasn't a bad guy. | ||
| He came from good people. | ||
| He came from good people. | ||
| He was a beekeeper. | ||
| You know that, Joe. | ||
| You interviewed a beekeeper. | ||
| I did interview a V.A. I basically interviewed almost every walk of life, I think. | ||
| Yeah, how many episodes have you done now? | ||
| 2,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Wow. | ||
| 2093. Yeah, and then there's the Fight Companions, which is like 100 and how many of those? | ||
| There's probably 60 to 70 of those and 153 MMA shows. | ||
| Yeah, so that's another 200. What's your worst one? | ||
| I don't think I have a lot of bad ones. | ||
| We can go around and nail our stinkers. | ||
| The early ones, definitely, I sucked at it. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| That was when it was wild. | ||
| But if you're having conversations with people, you're not good at facilitating the conversation, especially if you're talking to a scientist and you're trying to... | ||
| Get as much information into as many people's minds as possible. | ||
| If there's any confusion about what they're saying, you have to know when to interrupt them or when to lay back. | ||
| You've got to bookmark a thought. | ||
| I don't want to interrupt, but I've got to bookmark this because I've got to understand. | ||
| What do you mean exactly by that? | ||
| You're good at saying that. | ||
| Wait, wait. | ||
| That wasn't clear to me. | ||
| Can you make that clear to me? | ||
| You can't pretend you understand something if you don't. | ||
| You have to just like... | ||
| You're almost like a... | ||
| Like a cattle herder a little bit for the conversation. | ||
| You're just kind of trying to keep the conversation You're trying to let it flow as much as possible, but you're also trying to like you have to interact with it like so you have to figure out like what am I not absorbing about this? | ||
| Do you feel like there's somebody looking back that you understood the least? | ||
| In other words, you were like fuck I don't get what is going on no matter how hard I try. | ||
| Simulation theory is the big one because I had this conversation with what was that gentleman? | ||
| Remember we had a I was hoping it was a subject I'd understand. | ||
| I like swimming. | ||
| It's about probability theory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probability theory? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So what his argument was was like simulation theory. | ||
| Nick Bostrom. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| He's brilliant. | ||
| Brilliant guy. | ||
| But when we're having this conversation, he was talking about simulation theory and saying that simulation theory, the idea that this whole thing we're experiencing is just a simulation, Because of probability theory, because of the probability of extraterrestrial civilizations, just given the amount of planets that are out there, the amount of time that has gone on, this is an inevitable thing that's going to happen. | ||
| And that it's probably already happened. | ||
| That it's probable that this is a simulation? | ||
| If it's not, it's going to happen and it probably already has. | ||
| The idea through... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know if you're a real expert, salute. | |
| Let's finish it. | ||
| I know I'm butchering this, but I believe the concept in the layman's terms is that given the sheer number of planets that probably have intelligent life, And given the amount of time, if they can develop technology to the point where we have and then further on to the point where you literally create some sort of a simulation that all time and all experiences exist in. | ||
| And that this was something that was possible through technology eventually. | ||
| And if you look at all these planets, you look at the direction that human beings are going, you look at how far our technology has progressed in a relatively short period of time, it's inevitable. | ||
| Give it a thousand years, ten thousand years, from now, if we don't blow the earth up, we will have a simulation theory that's indiscernible from the reality you're experiencing right now. | ||
| And that may be how life is experienced Sometime in the future when we integrate with computers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That might be like one step into that integration. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So yeah, having that conversation is like, what? | ||
| That also gives you, I think you might have a better perspective than people when you try to, when you really break down how brilliant some people are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To scale. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're all of moderate intelligence, and you go like, oh, you can understand these things. | ||
| I can have this conversation with you. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| And then you meet people who are notably not there, and then people who are existing on- Looking like an idiot. | ||
| Are you a child? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you go, wow, those people are really operating on another wavelength, right? | ||
| Who simulates them? | ||
| It's just like athletes. | ||
| I was about to say, it's like athletic ability. | ||
| There's some people who you go, holy shit, you have a 40-inch vertical? | ||
| Yeah, like just dunk it. | ||
| What? | ||
| There's some people that are just, I mean, we've all met guys that don't even work out, and they're just ridiculously strong. | ||
| They just have superior genetics. | ||
| There's a lot of folks like that that are just country strong. | ||
| The guy that'll do the tomahawk dunk in jeans? | ||
| And you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| It doesn't even work out! | ||
| You mean Cam Haynes' children run marathons in jeans? | ||
| They're different people. | ||
| And his other son's a ranger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's different humans. | ||
| That D1 body, where you're like, oh, this is different. | ||
| Well, Cam's dad was an athlete, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Hardcore runner. | ||
| His book is amazing. | ||
| I think Cam's... | ||
| Wasn't he a jumper? | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| Cam's so modest, too. | ||
| He was like a very high-level athlete, his father was. | ||
| Cam's modest as shit about it. | ||
| He's so modest. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, how the fuck? | ||
| He's like, well, you know, you just gotta get that run started. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| That guy is always tired. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| But I mean, that's why he's so chill. | ||
| He's conserving energy. | ||
| He knows this is a run 18 miles in the morning. | ||
| I bet he sleeps like a baby, though. | ||
| I bet he sleeps like a brick. | ||
| I think he's Christian, so then he doesn't worry about death. | ||
| I get to go to heaven. | ||
| His shoes. | ||
| Have you run with his shoes? | ||
| What are we doing over here? | ||
| Those shoes are great. | ||
| I wanted to put a post out today because they're that good. | ||
| Oh, they're excellent. | ||
| He has his own brand of shoes. | ||
| So Cam was sponsored for a long time by Under Armour. | ||
| And then he went for a second, tried out Solomon, and then he said, fuck it, I'm just going to make mine. | ||
| I think he has his own clothing brand, but he's doing his very own shoe. | ||
| And when you get a motherfucker that can run like he does, who develops technology and the shit that makes him comfortable, this shoe is amazing. | ||
| These boa laces keep your heel in place. | ||
| It's got blood splatter on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's blood. | ||
| That's blood. | ||
| You can say it's mud, but it's red. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You know what that is. | ||
| I love that Tom's pouring a drink. | ||
| This is the Tom I love. | ||
| They're dope sneakers. | ||
| And they're super comfortable. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| And the thing about plantar fasciitis that a lot of people have is your foot moves around in your shoe. | ||
| Laces do that. | ||
| But with Cam's shoe, those boa things, lock your heel in. | ||
| And I've been running every single day. | ||
| No plantar fasciitis. | ||
| And they're very fucking comfortable. | ||
| Yeah, they're great. | ||
| You know, I think plantar fasciitis probably is a lot about foot strength and foot endurance, isn't it? | ||
| Nice to have it. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Like you just go too far. | ||
| Everybody also, like the PTs will tell you that a lot of that originates from your big toes movement though. | ||
| Really? | ||
| If you start, if you start to, because you can feel plantar fasciitis starting a lot of times. | ||
| You're like, oh, this is starting to get uncomfortable. | ||
| It's not full blown. | ||
| In the mornings. | ||
| And they'll tell you to train your big toe. | ||
| To work on strength with your big toe. | ||
| People move to New York at it because you're walking constantly. | ||
| You guys walk so much more. | ||
| And then it's just like, what the fuck's on my heel? | ||
| Do you remember when you told me to get Rolfed for my plantar fasciitis? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| When you come out of a dude's asshole? | ||
| Hey! | ||
| That's Naked Martin. | ||
| Don't you know this show is going onto the internet? | ||
| This is felching. | ||
| The whole world's gonna listen to this show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know how many fucking people are gonna book a video? | |
| With that guy right now? | ||
| Oh, so many. | ||
| I hope they don't get in front of our order. | ||
| Oh, they are. | ||
| The guy's gonna be rich. | ||
| Well, in a perfect world, he would be rich. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because that's an oddity. | ||
| Like, if you're gonna go that far, you deserve something. | ||
| You deserve money. | ||
| That's the only fans I'm signing up for. | ||
| That guy ate his own shit covered in cum, and we watched. | ||
| He didn't even pause! | ||
| And he smiled. | ||
| And he smiled, and I, who hosted Fear Factor for six years, I almost threw up. | ||
| From watching that screen. | ||
| We're so excited for you to get your present. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| What's the present? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| You'll see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It'll be in the group thread. | |
| Can't wait. | ||
| That feeling of the... | ||
| That's such a horrible feeling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't have a throw-up thing. | |
| Oh, I do! | ||
| For real? | ||
| He holds it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's what's fascinating. | ||
| I lost it when I was filming Fear Factor. | ||
| Nothing can make me pew. | ||
| Desensitized. | ||
| Completely desensitized. | ||
| Before, I was the kid in high school that, like, if you threw up in the hallway, I would throw up. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Like, like, you smell throw up. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| That's a YMH wretch. | ||
| That's a YMH wretch. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| I think that's evolutionary. | ||
| I think that when you smell throw up, no, no, no. | ||
| It's letting you know that someone around you has consumed something that's bad. | ||
| And that you should purge too. | ||
| So it's like a survival instinct. | ||
| It's a protective instinct. | ||
| It's not a weakness to want to throw up when you smell throw up. | ||
| It's actually a strength. | ||
| So what happens when people cry and I cry too? | ||
| It's good too, because you're commiserating, you're showing you're a good person. | ||
| I cry so much lately. | ||
| You're a sweetheart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because you switched to weed more. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, weed is really beautiful. | ||
| Weed'll get to crying. | ||
| It allows you to appreciate. | ||
| You're an emotional guy, though. | ||
| You need to grow tits. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I cried the other day on our podcast. | ||
| You did? | ||
| He's growing tits. | ||
| Nobody cries more on podcasts than Bert. | ||
| Not me anymore. | ||
| He cries a lot. | ||
| I cry a lot. | ||
| I regret a couple cries. | ||
| Schultz's, I regret that one. | ||
| You cried on Schultz's podcast? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| What'd you cry about? | ||
| Fucking nothing. | ||
| Bambi? | ||
| No. | ||
| Parking was tough. | ||
| No, he fucked me up. | ||
| Parking was tough? | ||
| No, marketing. | ||
| I think I was going to say marketing. | ||
| Marketing? | ||
| No, he brought out a clown and some balloons and it fucking fucked me up. | ||
| A clown and balloons made you cry. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It gave me a panic attack. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, I don't like clowns. | ||
| Now I'm just fucking looking over my shoulder. | ||
| Hold the fuck on. | ||
| Hold the fuck on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's my favorite Joe what, by the way. | |
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold the fuck on. | |
| He lets it in. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For real? | ||
| Schultz gave me the opportunity to not... | ||
| Don't play it. | ||
| Don't play it. | ||
| There's no reason to play it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, you have a real issue with clowns? | ||
| And then you became one? | ||
| Technically. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have a real issue with clowns and a real, real issue with balloons. | ||
| Like if I smell balloons, I fucking freak out. | ||
| They freak me out. | ||
| Wasn't there a Jerry Lewis movie that was never released where he was like a clown in the Holocaust? | ||
| What? | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Patch is the clown. | ||
| Patch is the clown? | ||
| No, it was Robin Williams. | ||
| Patch Adams. | ||
| Patch Adams. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| No, he was in the hospital, though. | ||
| He was a doctor who was a clown for kids. | ||
| Good morning, Neil! | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| The day that laughter cried? | ||
| Yeah, there is a Jerry Lewis movie. | ||
| There's some weird Jerry Lewis movie that never got released. | ||
| Oh, that's weird. | ||
| Long-buried Holocaust movie, The Day the Clown Cried, may finally be viewable one year today. | ||
| So they buried it? | ||
| Yeah, they buried it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's going to be available to view at one place. | |
| Hey everybody, get in the oven! | ||
| One of few people have seen even a rough cut of the film. | ||
| Comedian voiceover artist Harry Shearer of The Simpsons told Spy Magazines in 1992 that the movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and its comedy are so wildly misplaced that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be like, improve on what it really is. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's all you can say. | ||
| This movie was so bad. | ||
| I want to see it so bad now. | ||
| They buried it forever. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| They buried it forever. | ||
| And when did this movie get released? | ||
| 72. So this is a movie from 1972 that was so bad. | ||
| That never saw the lightning. | ||
| They put it in a vault in the bottom of the earth. | ||
| I'd pay to buy it. | ||
| I want to see it so bad. | ||
| Even if it's bad, I want to see it. | ||
| I want to see it more than I want to listen to that Wu-Tang album, that Martin Skrilli. | ||
| Big J has it. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Big J has it. | ||
| He went on Legion of Skanks. | ||
| It's one of the most frustrating episodes to listen to because it's Legion of Skanks and you have Martin Skrilli and Shane Gillis is grilling him. | ||
| But you've got Legion of Skanks being Legion of Skanks. | ||
| They don't really care about the information. | ||
| They just want to fucking talk about... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Yeah, cum and everything. | ||
| But Martin Skrilli said, I have the album, you want it? | ||
| And all of them are like, fuck yes. | ||
| So how'd he give it to them? | ||
| It's the same way you got your thing. | ||
| DM it to them. | ||
| In what form? | ||
| Like, just sent them an mp3. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| So then it's out on the internet now? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Legion of Skanks. | ||
| No one ever shared it. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So what's Martin doing with it? | ||
| He bought it. | ||
| By the way, I gotta send everyone to the episode. | ||
| It's one of the most fascinating episodes I've ever listened to. | ||
| Have you listened to it? | ||
| No, I don't have it. | ||
| They have it. | ||
| He had some good information where he was like, you know, he was like, got the thing for the AIDS. It's so interesting. | ||
| And he goes, he's jacking the price. | ||
| He goes, you know what no one ever said? | ||
| There's also a generic version of the same drug. | ||
| For $40. | ||
| For $40. | ||
| I don't know why everybody's mad at me. | ||
| You can still get it. | ||
| You just can't get the name brand thing. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Wait, you can get the generic version? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What does the generic version mean? | ||
| It's like Viagra versus whatever the fuck. | ||
| But wait, you can hear it? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| No, no, no, of the AIDS medication. | ||
| Oh, we're talking about AIDS. | ||
| I'm talking about Wu-Tang. | ||
| Yeah, you care more about Wu-Tang. | ||
| No, you don't care about that. | ||
| Generic version. | ||
| I was like, what does that mean? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It's not finished? | ||
| I was so confused about generic drugs. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My brain just went to like, wait, is it without RZA? | |
| Well, hey, this is a real conversation, but this is a real conversation because with AI, You're gonna make new versions of Wu-Tang songs. | ||
| They already did it with Drake. | ||
| I think that the thing, too, is you know how they go, oh, likeness, right? | ||
| Like the stars. | ||
| Like, hey, you know, I want to... | ||
| This movie is without... | ||
| Tom Cruise will be like, no, you cannot use my likeness. | ||
| I'm protecting it. | ||
| That's like what some of this labor union stuff is about, protecting your image and likeness. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But I just feel like there's just going to be... | ||
| One of these offers to one of these people where they go, okay. | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| $20 million? | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| Nicholas Cage. | ||
| Bruce Willis has a neurological condition. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's not doing well. | ||
| I forget what it's called. | ||
| It's called aphasia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aphasia. | |
| I think I might have it. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I talk about it nonstop. | ||
| Did you just bring it back to yourself? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I can't look at a post and not think about me. | ||
| Bruce Willis sold his likeliness for the purpose of AI. He did? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All I can say is thank you. | ||
| But in his position, I mean, he's incapable of making money anymore. | ||
| He can't work. | ||
| He has a real issue. | ||
| It's actually very advanced, and they think we're close to the end. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I follow his daughter, Tallulah. | ||
| So, no, Bruce Willis didn't sell his likeness to a deepfake company. | ||
| Despite initial reports, the deepfake company does not own the rights to Bruce Willis' likeness. | ||
| Partially because that's literally not possible, the company said Willis appeared in a recent advertisement through Deep Cake, which managed to create a digital twin of Willis that can appear in new content despite the actual Willis retiring from acting as a result of aphasia. | ||
| A brain disorder that hinders cognition and speech abilities. | ||
| I like the precision of my character, Willis said, of the process according to the quote in Deep Cake website. | ||
| It's a great opportunity for me to go back in time. | ||
| The neural network was trained on content of Die Hard and Fifth Element, so my character is similar to the images of that time. | ||
| So it's young Bruce Willis doing ads. | ||
| I sent you guys... | ||
| That's what they're saying. | ||
| I sent you guys George Carlin's new special. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But hold on a second. | |
| That seems like that is what we're saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It feels like... | ||
| And also, this is literal phase one of the A-list celebrity being like, you can use it for this. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| When Barbra Streisand gets to be a certain age and Trump's president again, she might say, you know what? | ||
| For $200 million, go for it. | ||
| Just fucking sell soap with my young face. | ||
| And also, what about the people who, it's not a major movie making it, it's just some YouTube account. | ||
| What happens to dead people? | ||
| What happens to James Cagney? | ||
| Their estate? | ||
| What if the estate decides to... | ||
| The Marilyn Monroe estate? | ||
| Yeah, Charles Bronson selling soap. | ||
| This is the George Carlin one that came out a couple weeks ago. | ||
| How many views? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It says 500K. It keeps getting pulled down. | |
| Really? | ||
| It keeps getting pulled down, yeah, because George Carlin's daughter, Kelly, I think, doesn't want it up. | ||
| Oh, I disagree with that. | ||
| It's put on a YouTube account called Dudesy. | ||
| Dudesy says, I'm a comedy AI. They wrote this as though Dudesy made it, if you will. | ||
| When you look at what Dudesy is, Dudesy's a... | ||
| Oh, it's Will Sasso. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But they have an AI. Wait a minute. | |
| That's where it becomes like, how would Will Sasso have this super secret AI program? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Will Sasso has a podcast, if I'm not mistaken, where he has AI bring up the subjects of the podcast, and that's what they talk about, theoretically thinking this will, based on research, be one of the best podcasts out there. | ||
| Well, there's a podcast on it. | ||
| Look, click on that. | ||
| It says, George Carlin resurrected. | ||
| That's what this is. | ||
| So that's what I'm trying to say. | ||
| When I was looking into, like, what is this George Carlin thing, it's on this account that they call Dudezy, and they're saying, like, Dudezy made this. | ||
| Oh, so they made it through AI. It's most likely like that Kanye song we played with Tony, where someone wrote in how George Carlin would write, and then... | ||
| Performed it all and then got George Carlin's voice to go over top of that. | ||
| Well, it's like a version of his voice. | ||
| Oh, wait a minute. | ||
| So AI didn't write the jokes? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| No, I heard AI wrote the jokes. | ||
| That's tough. | ||
| That's where it becomes very tough. | ||
| You're saying that AI didn't write the jokes? | ||
| In this case, I don't know, but it seems a lot more like the fake thing, like the Drake song and the Kanye song, where it's not 100% done by AI. What you're hearing is like an AI doing a deepfake video. | ||
| And who would write it? | ||
| In that case, it was the rapper who wrote the rap song. | ||
| In this case, it's probably comedians who know how to write. | ||
| On Skeks this week, they played AI versions of their stand-ups to the... | ||
| Soder, Jay, Louis, Dave, and one other guy, I forget. | ||
| And they were like, here's your AI version of your stand-up. | ||
| And they just played it for them, and they all broke it down. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| They said it was a lot of fun. | ||
| It's hard to be worse. | ||
| Yeah, butterly. | ||
| Hopefully it's not amazing. | ||
| You're the only one that got that joke. | ||
| Lewis is like, can I use that? | ||
| I feel like we're joking around about the first rain shower that comes before the torrential flood that caused Noah to build a fucking ark. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I think it's going to get bad. | ||
| It's going to be a new world. | ||
| The world is going to be built... | ||
| In a very hazy way. | ||
| All this stuff about AI, everybody, like, we all talk, it's scary, and you see, you know, I understand why Riders were, like, Riders Guild was, like, really concerned about this. | ||
| And they're concerned by version one, dude. | ||
| Like, this just started. | ||
| And this is teaching the next version. | ||
| Imagine the first fucking iPhone. | ||
| Also, it's going to get rid of a lot of shitty writers. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Can you stop stealing Copenhagen TV shows and make something? | ||
| All those people keep making the same cop show over and over again. | ||
| Get the fuck out. | ||
| Doing Mr. and Mrs. Smith. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It'll replace a lot of low-level basic shit. | ||
| And you'll lose a lot of great ones. | ||
| You still need your Christopher Nolan to write his stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but Christopher Nolan had to be a shitty writer first. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You've got to be a shitty writer first to become Christopher Nolan. | ||
| Yeah, unless you're some wizard that comes out of his womb. | ||
| But that's very rare. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very rare. | |
| The only thing I think that would be beneficial is be great if I could do my podcast with AI and then type in, yo, can you take all the annoying parts of me out of there? | ||
| Like when I talk over you, I would love laughing. | ||
| Not talk over people. | ||
| You don't need a fucking robot. | ||
| It's kind of fucking tough. | ||
| You don't need a robot to do it for you. | ||
| I finally, I told you. | ||
| So Bert has this thing where anybody, anybody with any level of celebrity, he fucking geeks out so hard on you. | ||
| It's so embarrassing. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Like a TikTok person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love your stuff. | |
| He's like, I'm the biggest fan. | ||
| Oh my God, I saw the video. | ||
| Oh my God, I'm the biggest fan. | ||
| I love you so much. | ||
| And then he goes, and then he waits to tell them about him. | ||
| He tells them his resume. | ||
| Do you have imposter syndrome? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| If you don't, I am curious why. | ||
| I didn't say I don't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why is he so aggressive? | |
| My answer was fairly calm. | ||
| Imposter syndrome is kind of... | ||
| I was just trying to find out what he was feeling. | ||
| Imposter syndrome has been loaded as like a slur. | ||
| I don't think it's a slur at all. | ||
| I have it. | ||
| It's hardcore. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't think it's a slur. | ||
| I think it comes and goes. | ||
| I think imposter syndrome is a sign of an introspective person who's trying to navigate a very bizarre situation. | ||
| I think it's completely 100% natural and normal. | ||
| And if you didn't have it, again, like what you said, I would be curious. | ||
| And don't you think it comes in waves? | ||
| Like, there's times when you feel it. | ||
| But the whole reason I brought you up doing that, because you're ridiculous with it. | ||
| I'm really bad. | ||
| You do it to everyone. | ||
| I didn't do it to Joe. | ||
| Oh, I did it to Joe. | ||
| But you told me. | ||
| You didn't do it to me. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't see it. | ||
| I did it well to you. | ||
| What the fuck does that mean? | ||
| How did I not see it? | ||
| Oh, Joe, when I met you, I was at your front door. | ||
| I'd already zillowed how much you paid for your house. | ||
| I fucking said to you, I said to you real quick, I said, hey man, I'm such a big fan. | ||
| I need to meet your dog. | ||
| I need to see your deprivation tank. | ||
| I want to play pool and I want to get high and then we can do the podcast. | ||
| And you were very generous. | ||
| You're like, cool. | ||
| I remember you walked me in your door. | ||
| You said, hey man, if you stand on this thing and you work out, it like shakes your body, whatever that thing was. | ||
| And you're like, come on, we'll go down and see it. | ||
| And you took me out. | ||
| We saw Johnny Cash. | ||
| You told me, like, hey, we just got this property so the dogs be out there. | ||
| I can't really have them. | ||
| We got the kids. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| We'll go out back. | ||
| I'll show you the swing set. | ||
| We'll get high. | ||
| We got high. | ||
| And then we did the podcast, and I was like, man, that is the... | ||
| Here's my thing, is there's generous celebrities, like generous, who give you their time, and maybe they don't notice. | ||
| And I was like, this guy's a real fucking guy. | ||
| Like, he's cool as fuck. | ||
| And then we did the podcast. | ||
| I had a fucking blast. | ||
| And I remember going home and going like... | ||
| Man, I don't want to say this out loud, but I was like, I want to be like that guy. | ||
| Like, I want to be like that guy. | ||
| Like, cool as fuck and real. | ||
| I remember little things in my life where I've pinpointed things in your life where I go, oh, I got a thing that Joe had. | ||
| Your closet was a fucking mess. | ||
| There were dildos. | ||
| Or not dildos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dildos! | |
| There was flashlights everywhere. | ||
| That was when Flashlight was a sponsor. | ||
| We would give flashlights away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, do you want to fuck this when you go home? | |
| Hey, you should fuck it. | ||
| It feels like a pussy. | ||
| It feels great. | ||
| But I remember... | ||
| They gave us a fucking... | ||
| I had a pervert's box. | ||
| Like a large, large box. | ||
| That's how far this has come. | ||
| I got the alien butthole. | ||
| The blue one. | ||
| But I remember you had so much stuff in there and you had this generosity. | ||
| You go, yeah, grab whatever you want, man. | ||
| It's all stuff from people that want me to check it out. | ||
| And I remember I took a bunch of vitamins. | ||
| I like grab shit. | ||
| I was... | ||
| I wasn't poor, but it was like free stuff. | ||
| And I grabbed a bunch of shit, went home, and I was like... | ||
| But I look at life, and when you talk about imposter syndrome, I highlight... | ||
| We talked about this the other day. | ||
| I highlight cool people, and I kind of want to be like them. | ||
| Because I go, man, I want to be a better person. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like... | ||
| But he does this thing where he's like, I met the lead singer of, you know, Wilco. | ||
| I humiliated myself. | ||
| I humiliated myself. | ||
| He just tells him how much he loves it, and then he's like, have you seen my stuff? | ||
| Dude, I hung out with George R.R. Martin. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| George R.R. Martin. | ||
| How'd you meet him at a buffet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was good. | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| What is that one? | ||
| It's when a bunch of food's out and you can just take as much as you want. | ||
| Bert loves them. | ||
| He's on a website. | ||
| He's in an app. | ||
| BuffetsNearMe.com. | ||
| I saw him at a Grateful Dead concert. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| And I clocked him like three times. | ||
| Three times. | ||
| Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night. | ||
| And then Sunday night. | ||
| Yeah, there's that sauce. | ||
| Sunday night, I couldn't control myself, man. | ||
| I was a junkie. | ||
| I was like the way a pedophile must feel when he sees kids riding bikes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So the best part is that Bert tells him how much he loves to show. | |
| Just shut the fuck up, Tom. | ||
| Tom, stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
George reveals things about the show that nobody knows. | |
| And then when they leave, Leanne's like, can you believe he told you all that? | ||
| And he's like, told us what? | ||
| He's like, well, he told you all those insights, secrets about Game of Thrones. | ||
| And he's like, what secrets? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, I just wasn't listening because I wanted to talk. | |
| He's like, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was just waiting to talk. | |
| He told me secrets about writing. | ||
| You just embrace this aspect of yourself. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| You don't like it. | ||
| It makes you angry when it comes out. | ||
| You get upset at yourself. | ||
| But yet, you also embrace it. | ||
| It's so gross, though. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| It's like you're playing tic-tac-toe against yourself in your own head. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| I wanted to confess to you, because you go, you told me that you admire the way that I am around celebrities. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I want to beat that. | ||
| You're the guy in an orgy. | ||
| You're the guy in the porn who's jerking off before he fucks her. | ||
| I'm the guy in the corner going, I got three minutes to give you. | ||
| That might be the worst analogy literally ever. | ||
| That one makes no sense. | ||
| No one listened to that and was like, yeah, I get it. | ||
| That's a good call. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| What I told him was the truth, which was that I would say... | ||
| 90% of the time when I meet a famous person, I don't care that I'm meeting them. | ||
| In other words, I'm just like, yeah, all right, what's up? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| So it looks like I'm being cool or aloof, but I just don't give a shit. | ||
| He really genuinely does not care. | ||
| I just don't care. | ||
| He really does not. | ||
| Right, because if you go like, hey, this is the guy from the show, I'm like, what's up, man? | ||
| Anytime I've ever met a famous person, I text Tommy immediately and go, guess who I just met? | ||
| And I send him a picture. | ||
| And then... | ||
| And then Tommy has hung out, legit is friends with Brad Pitt and Jason Momoa, and didn't fucking tell me. | ||
| And then I go, why wouldn't you tell me this immediately? | ||
| And he goes, I don't know. | ||
| I didn't think about it. | ||
| It just didn't really. | ||
| But then he goes, what would it take? | ||
| And I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| And then I text you last night. | ||
| I go, I guess it's Snoop Dogg. | ||
| Because I fucking went into his. | ||
| We were on Kimmel, and I went into his dressing room. | ||
| And I was like, I guess I'm going Bert. | ||
| I did my version of Bert. | ||
| I was like, it's so admirable that your career has lasted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't! | |
| You didn't! | ||
| Oh, that's fucking great. | ||
| Snoop's a tough one. | ||
| Snoop's a tough one. | ||
| He's so nice. | ||
| And all I did was I was like, I couldn't believe I'm on with him. | ||
| I met him first. | ||
| First, he told me he was like, good to see you again. | ||
| I was like, we've never met him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He thought you were me! | |
| And then I went back into his dressing room, and I was just like, it was great to be on the show with you. | ||
| And I had to tell him, I was like, you know, it's just crazy to me that I bought your album. | ||
| I bought it in 93. The year before, in 92, was a deep cover. | ||
| I bought that. | ||
| And you're still like, you're still Snoop. | ||
| It's fucking, it's crazy. | ||
| It's 30 fucking whatever years. | ||
| Yeah, he's got the best longevity of it. | ||
| And so I go, I just admire that. | ||
| Like, so much. | ||
| And then, like, he said, you know, he says everything cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wait, try to guess. | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, let me get a flick with you. | |
| And I go, oh, that means picture. | ||
| Like, let me get a flick with you. | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| So he asked for the photo, and then I was like, yeah, this is, I mean, he goes, yeah, I want to be a movie star, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, I'm not in any movie star. | |
| You were in a very big movie with Mark Wahlberg. | ||
| Bro, do you know how high he is all day long? | ||
| Do you know how high he was there? | ||
| Snoop lives in an alternative dimension. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not where we are. | ||
| It's very cool to be, because I know you've been on the podcast, but to be around someone and be around other people who you're like, dude, everyone, every age group, every generation. | ||
| Loves him. | ||
| He did Sesame Street. | ||
| It's fun to be around. | ||
| Did a show with Marga Stewart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The only time I ever saw him serious was on this podcast when he was talking about how he had to switch to backwoods rolling papers. | ||
| And he was like, the young kids are telling me, and I really had to make a change. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, the road blunts the entire time. | ||
| Wasn't that, like, crazy to be on a show? | ||
| I lived with Snoop for a month. | ||
| We lived in a hotel together. | ||
| We were across the hall, and I worked with him every day. | ||
| But, I have to say, and you know this, I was really nervous about meeting Snoop, because I can overwhelm people sometimes. | ||
| Like, I'll just, I have a large wake. | ||
| That self-awareness, that's advanced. | ||
| He does have it. | ||
| That's advanced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| I'm trying. | ||
| But I said to Tommy, can you tell me how to meet Snoop? | ||
| Because I know how you do it. | ||
| You do it cool. | ||
| Tell me how to do it cool because I want to be friends with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, whatever. | |
| You don't hide stuff. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And you said, I like you. | ||
| Snoop will like you. | ||
| Be yourself. | ||
| So I was myself. | ||
| And of course, I fucking lost my goddamn shit. | ||
| And Snoop stopped. | ||
| Snoop stopped. | ||
| And real quick, like in the middle of me being me, he just FaceTimes Red Grant and he goes, hey, you know this guy? | ||
| And he flips it around and I go, and Red goes, he's cool. | ||
| And he goes, alright, cool. | ||
| And he's like, you're cool. | ||
| It is me and Snoop FaceTiming with Dave Chappelle and Donnell Rollins. | ||
| But that was the night we got high and fucking... | ||
| Snoop's the best, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the fucking best. | |
| So you got him to the point where it was like, maybe I don't want to be in this conversation. | ||
| He had to check my credibility. | ||
| He had to check my credibility. | ||
| We were talking about Cat Williams. | ||
| And I was talking about Pimp... | ||
| Pimp... | ||
| Chronicles. | ||
| Chronicles. | ||
| And then I was... | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| But I knew that Snoop knew Red, and I knew that if I brought up Red, Snoop would think maybe, okay, he might know people I know. | ||
| That was smart. | ||
| But then immediately, Snoop called me on my shit, and in the middle of my story, just FaceTimed Red. | ||
| You know him? | ||
| And then Red's like, yeah, he's great. | ||
| I love Bert. | ||
| Yeah, but haven't you ever had conversations with people you know you don't know them and they pretend they know you and they also bring up people that supposedly they know that you know. | ||
| References, you know you're not going to check. | ||
| Oh, you know Chris, man. | ||
| You know Chris, my boy Chris from Rochester? | ||
| I met this dude and he was like, he goes, we met before. | ||
| We met before with Mark Wahlberg. | ||
| I go, oh, cool. | ||
| Never met Mark Wahlberg. | ||
| You're just like, great. | ||
| I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| Oh, you're crazy. | ||
| You're a crazy, crazy liar person. | ||
| A lot of people say you bring your name up. | ||
| Yeah, that's wild. | ||
| Astounding. | ||
| Yeah, I'm friends with Joe. | ||
| This is a guy I met. | ||
| And I do it too. | ||
| His dentist told me. | ||
| His dentist told him he played golf with me. | ||
| Oh yeah, Joe the golfer. | ||
| Joe the golfer? | ||
| He's like, my dad plays golf with you. | ||
| Guy does fucking three rounds every day. | ||
| Well, your dad is just crazy, don't let him operate on you, bro. | ||
| He puts you under and sticks his dick in your mouth. | ||
| I think the weirdest thing about the Joe connection is people being like, can you give this to Joe? | ||
| Oh, I get that all the time. | ||
| That's the thing I get the most when I'm like, huh? | ||
| And they're like, I wrote this. | ||
| Can you give this to him? | ||
| What is it, another manifesto? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| If the type is really little, they write really small and get scared. | ||
| Or you get... | ||
| The scariest is... | ||
| Tiny letters, like, no! | ||
| If they try to, like, two sentences in one line, you know, like, one on top of each other, I'll be fucking terrified. | ||
| You ever seen writing on writing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's schizophrenic. | ||
| Schizophrenic. | ||
| Telltale of schizophrenia. | ||
| Writing on top of writing. | ||
| What do you mean on top of writing? | ||
| So you write something and then write right over it. | ||
| Write on top of it. | ||
| So you can't read it. | ||
| It's alien. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then they'll be like, check this out. | ||
| And so immediately you're just like, oh, yeah, no, this is good. | ||
| I'll give this to him. | ||
| This is really good. | ||
| Just to his people. | ||
| Yeah, there's some people that for whatever reason, whatever fucking happens, whether it's chemical or neurons, whatever it is that makes that shift, They're seeing things completely different than you. | ||
| By the way, gentlemen, you all look very sharp. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Hey, by the way... | ||
| Cheers to Bert, because it was his idea for us all to wear suits. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| How long have you been doing these? | ||
| So the first one was the three of us, and that was the weight loss challenge. | ||
| That's 2017? | ||
| 2017. I left there. | ||
| I left right. | ||
| I left. | ||
| Yeah, you guys did it right before I took off. | ||
| Right before you became a New York comedian. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Best thing you ever did. | ||
| Well, shut the fuck up. | ||
| I'm giving him a hard time. | ||
| Ari changed the scope of comedy. | ||
| I'm in the middle of giving him a hard time at Bert's cock pocket. | ||
| Alright, you know what? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Ari changed the scope of comedy. | ||
| He did. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I united the scenes. | ||
| You did. | ||
| United the scenes. | ||
| You would not know Andrew Schultz without Ari. | ||
| You would not know Chris DiStefano? | ||
| Is that a rosary? | ||
| You may not know Tim Dillon without Ari branching... | ||
| No, I reached out to Tim Dillon. | ||
| No, I showed you a tweet of his and you're like, that's good. | ||
| Hey, last two, no doubt you'd 100% introduce me to very funny comedians. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Joe, you do not know the back tweets, back texts we have when we want to introduce you to people. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you are the biggest media brand in the world. | ||
| I don't like what? | ||
| Recommendations. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| You're like, I'll find it on my own. | ||
| Well, I do like to find as many things organically as possible. | ||
| I recommended Brian Simpson. | ||
| Yeah, you definitely did. | ||
| He's the shit. | ||
| Well, Tommy's recommendations are different than me and Ari's. | ||
| We recommended Shane Gillis for a year and a half. | ||
| How long did we text back and forth? | ||
| Ari, one time... | ||
| This guy's not taking this guy. | ||
| And we're like, yo, we gotta send him the Toyota Isis. | ||
| And then Ari's like, I'll send it. | ||
| You reply. | ||
| And be like, how fucking funny is this, Ari? | ||
| Listen, I get to things... | ||
| Oh my god, you're right. | ||
| I get to things in the perfect amount of time. | ||
| You do. | ||
| No, you do. | ||
| It's all working well. | ||
| It's too overwhelming. | ||
| The wave that comes at me is too overwhelming. | ||
| So what I do is I just do my best to just stay present, think about what I want to talk about. | ||
| It's a lot of information coming at you. | ||
| It's actually freeing because people are like, can you get me on Joe's podcast? | ||
| I'm like, he's not going to listen to me. | ||
| So no. | ||
| There's no point. | ||
| I had a guy. | ||
| I'll say his name. | ||
| Guy reached out and wanted to be on Joe's podcast so fucking bad. | ||
| Are you sure you want to say his name? | ||
| Sure, I don't care. | ||
| I love the guy. | ||
| I don't need to. | ||
| Who is it? | ||
| Theo Vaughn. | ||
| Wanted to be on Joe's podcast before you would have ever, like, clocked him. | ||
| And he was like, hey man, can you help me get on Joe's? | ||
| And I said to Theo, you know what? | ||
| It's not good if I take you to him. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| I go, trust me, you're so fucking funny. | ||
| Joe's gonna find you, and when you do his podcast, you'll murder because Joe loves you. | ||
| And Theo's first appearance on this podcast was a monster. | ||
| And trust you, if I had said, like, Joe, can you take my buddy? | ||
| You would've. | ||
| You would've. | ||
| And Theo's so bizarre that if you don't know who he is... | ||
| I almost always take comic recommendations. | ||
| Like, if Ari recommends someone, I almost always 100%. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Adrian? | |
| I hate to do this, Joe. | ||
| We're shaking our heads. | ||
| Joe, we love you. | ||
| We love you, Joe. | ||
| Have you seen on? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| No, I do. | ||
| I just don't... | ||
| I filter them in when I see fit. | ||
| I have... | ||
| Scientists and athletes and authors and movies. | ||
| There's this funnel of people. | ||
| And I have to keep it in the realm of what do I want to do. | ||
| Yeah, true. | ||
| I have to. | ||
| I got to ask you one. | ||
| And there might not be one answer, but maybe there's a few. | ||
| Have you ever had the most like, okay, I'll have them on. | ||
| Like, yeah, I'll have this person on. | ||
| And you're the most impressed, like most blown away by them. | ||
| They were great. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't have to be a comedian. | ||
| It could be an athlete, actor, scientist, where you're just like, holy shit, that was amazing, and you weren't expecting it? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| If I mentioned one, I would do a disservice to so many of them that have happened that way. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Yeah, there's just so many. | ||
| There's so many that people recommended. | ||
| Henry Rollins was good. | ||
| Oh, he was amazing. | ||
| He was on a couple of times. | ||
| And that was one of those ones where I was like, I worried that we wouldn't get along. | ||
| With Henry? | ||
| He's very volatile. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's very volatile. | ||
| Agro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But in a weird way that I feel like... | ||
| I'm glad you struggled, too. | ||
| I feel like if you confront him with any aggression, he comes back at you tenfold and feels justified. | ||
| Ah. | ||
| I was on a radio station once in Austin, and they had this conversation with him, and they said something, and it went... | ||
| He interpreted what they said really badly and then he went off on them and just fucking attacked them and was talking about how successful he is and it was a weird conversation. | ||
| I love hearing those. | ||
| But I know guys like that. | ||
| I know guys like that from fighting. | ||
| There's certain guys that you just have to massage your relationship with them. | ||
| And I'm not saying that's Henry Rollins, but I'm saying it's guys who get angry really quickly and like maybe misread the room. | ||
| I think you know how to navigate that really well, though. | ||
| And the dude, first of all, he was like, Henry Rollins at one point in time was like a fucking serious power lifter. | ||
| Have you ever seen? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, when he did that video, I'm a liar. | ||
| Do you ever see how jacked he is? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Put up I'm a liar. | ||
| Cause I'm a liar. | ||
| But now he's settled into his older years and he mostly does bodyweight stuff. | ||
| We actually had a conversation about it. | ||
| But he wrote an amazing essay. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| No, that's not him. | ||
| That's Franco Colombo, you son of a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| No, there's a video. | ||
| There's a music video. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I was like he had a pull of the hair. | ||
| You see how he's screaming in that snapshot? | ||
| That's from the video. | ||
| That's from the music video. | ||
| The music video has nothing to do with this essay, but he wrote an essay about lifting weights. | ||
| What is it called, Jamie? | ||
| Something about truth is in the iron? | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| Truth is in the iron is a badass statement. | ||
| The iron. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Does he say it here? | ||
| Give me volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The humiliation of teachers calling me garbage can and telling me I'd be mowing lawns for a living. | |
| This is a kid reading Henry Rollins book. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| Go to the essay itself. | ||
| God, I like Henry. | ||
| Because it's an essay that Henry Rollins, by the way, writes constantly. | ||
| He writes for a bunch of different publications, he writes essays all the time, and he listens to a shit ton of fucking, a shit ton of music, like on vinyl. | ||
| He has this insane setup in his house where he has like $250,000 speakers. | ||
| It's madness. | ||
| He's just a music fiend. | ||
| So, this is it. | ||
| I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. | ||
| To not be like your parents, to not be like your friends, to be yourself completely. | ||
| When I was young, I had no sense of myself. | ||
| All I was was a product of all the fear and humiliation that I suffered. | ||
| Fear of my parents, the humiliation of teachers calling me garbage can and telling me that I'd be mowing lawns for a living, and the very real terror of my fellow students. | ||
| I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. | ||
| I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me, I didn't run home crying, wondering why. | ||
| I knew all too well. | ||
| I was there to be antagonized. | ||
| In sports, I was laughed at. | ||
| A spaz. | ||
| I was pretty good at boxing, but only because of the rage that filled my every waking moment. | ||
| Made me wild and unpredictable. | ||
| I fought with some strange fury. | ||
| The other boys thought I was crazy. | ||
| I hated myself all the time. | ||
| As stupid as it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn't going to get pounded in the hallways between classes. | ||
| Years passed, and I learned to keep it all inside. | ||
| I only talked to a few boys in my grade, other losers. | ||
| Some of them are, to this day, the greatest people I have ever known. | ||
| Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you'll find a faithful friend forever. | ||
| But even with friends, school sucked, teachers gave me hard times. | ||
| I can't read this forever. | ||
| This is gonna boil shit up. | ||
| Let's get to the wait part. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Have you ever had your head flushed in a toilet? | ||
| Me? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Have you? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Really? | ||
| In high school? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love how you brought Henry Rollins again back to you. | ||
| I prefer to work out alone. | ||
| It's a pivotal moment, and the thing is, have you ever been violated like that? | ||
| I mean, that's what he's writing about is violation. | ||
| Was there anything in the toilet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It was at Forest Hills Baseball. | ||
| I mean, it's being violated. | ||
| You have to be held up by a group of boys, and then they put your head in the toilet, which, flushed or not flushed, it's a violation. | ||
| I mean, I'm not bringing it back to me. | ||
| I'm just saying, like, that's a very fucking powerful thing. | ||
| They were called swirlies. | ||
| Right here, through the years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the iron into a single strength. | ||
| I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. | ||
| Time spent away from the iron makes my mind degenerate. | ||
| I wallow in a thick depression. | ||
| My body shuts down my mind. | ||
| The iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. | ||
| There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. | ||
| Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back. | ||
| The iron never lies to you. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| Fucking perfect. | ||
| That's badass. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| That's 100% true. | ||
| I feel that. | ||
| Yeah, you embody that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you were bullied as a kid. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I was little. | ||
| So I didn't like it, and I also moved into new neighborhoods all the time. | ||
| I moved into new neighborhoods like three or four times when I was a kid. | ||
| So it was like every time I was the new guy, and I wasn't a big guy, and dudes were fucking with me. | ||
| I was like, damn, I got to learn how to fight. | ||
| That was 100% my motivation. | ||
| I wasn't like a kid that looked for fights, ever. | ||
| I was just terrified. | ||
| I was like, okay, I'm tired of this. | ||
| What's the solution? | ||
| I gotta learn martial arts. | ||
| Watch Bruce Lee movies. | ||
| I'm like, alright, I don't want to be like that guy. | ||
| Is that physically possible? | ||
| What about, because what we were talking about right before was asking people things. | ||
| Because you've had so many fighters. | ||
| You love MMA, and you're a great commentator. | ||
| I think you're a great analyst. | ||
| You really know so much about it. | ||
| It's fun to talk to you, to learn. | ||
| I think it's fun to learn. | ||
| But have you ever had a fighter that... | ||
| Because you give honest takes on things when you're watching something. | ||
| You're like, this guy's ground game is not as strong, or this guy's striking is what it is. | ||
| You're honest about it. | ||
| Has a fighter ever carried that... | ||
| Like, comment, and then come in here and been like, you know, I didn't really like it. | ||
| No, not in here. | ||
| I saw it once at dinner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where? | |
| Heath Herring. | ||
| When he was like, hey, you said some stuff about me, whatever, but just so you know, I was injured during that fight. | ||
| I was nursing a knee injury, just so you're aware of what was going on. | ||
| What I said is, I have to comment on what's happening. | ||
| I would normally... | ||
| Like, I always give... | ||
| If someone's got an unusually bad performance, I will try to give this... | ||
| Kind of qualify it? | ||
| You never know what's going on. | ||
| If you see a guy carrying a little bit of extra weight, sometimes you see a little bit of love handles, you're like, hmm, that's weird. | ||
| His camp maybe wasn't as strong. | ||
| There might have been something wrong. | ||
| And that's so fucking common. | ||
| Literally no fighter at a world-class level goes into that octagon 100%. | ||
| They just don't. | ||
| They just don't. | ||
| Someone's got a fucked up elbow. | ||
| Someone's neck's kind of weird. | ||
| Someone doesn't want to wrestle. | ||
| Their knee's bad. | ||
| Their ankle's fucked. | ||
| They got their ankle taped. | ||
| Why is his ankle taped? | ||
| There's so many guys go in there with real fucking injuries, man. | ||
| But do they ever bring any hostility to a comment made? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've had conversations with guys, but over the years I've learned to express as much respect as I have. | ||
| Sometimes you're just commenting in the moment, like you would with friends, like, oh, he's breaking. | ||
| He's breaking. | ||
| But you have to be careful how you say that when a guy is in a fight, if the guy's gonna watch it, and he knows he's breaking, and you're just kind of compounding his awful moment. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because guys break. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| They do break, but it's not my place to say that necessarily. | ||
| It is my place to comment on the technical aspects of how the exchange is going. | ||
| If I see them folding, if I see certain characteristics where they're not engaging, they're just moving in a defensive way, and they seem to be looking for a way out. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Greg Jackson told me that he sees fighters except that they're not gonna win. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And then they're just fighting not to get knocked out. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Who was at the UFC Austin that, like, he was 40 and, like, he's been fighting for, like... | ||
| Benil Dariush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man. | |
| That was crazy. | ||
| The guy he fought, though, is a fucking assassin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He has one loss to Gamrot and he has one loss to Ismail Makachev who's the world champion and by most people's eyes at least number one or number two pound for pound in the world. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| What are you showing me? | ||
| So that guy, Armand Saryukian, he's a fucking assassin. | ||
| And Benil Dariush, who's a very good fighter, at this stage of his life is, you know, he's... | ||
| I don't know how old Benil is, but I think he's close to 40. He's got gray hair. | ||
| That was the thing that stood out there. | ||
| You're like, man, can you imagine doing this at 40? | ||
| But he's also a very elite fighter. | ||
| Benil Dariush is fucking elite. | ||
| He's very good. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| But the UFC is a clean sport. | ||
| Right now with USADA gone and now... | ||
| What is the new company called? | ||
| Clean sport? | ||
| No. | ||
| So what? | ||
| So they still drug test. | ||
| So there is still a governing body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And if you're going to be 40 years old, you're fighting at a disadvantage. | ||
| So the advantage would be that you know more. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is an advantage. | ||
| Like old Captain America. | ||
| There's an advantage of knowing more, but it's not enough of an advantage to deal with people who also know a lot. | ||
| And the young people, there's an acceleration that comes from watching things on YouTube and watching things streaming. | ||
| The young people are way better than the people that are older now were when they were that young. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's a drug-free sport. | ||
| But the guy he fought, the guy you're saying, wasn't he like 22 or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| He's world-class, and he was world-class when he was 20. And the fight with Makachev, it was a very close decision. | ||
| I don't remember if it was split. | ||
| It might have been unanimous, but it was a super close decision. | ||
| So Benil's only 34? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No way! | ||
| Why'd you bring him up, Tom? | ||
| Benil's only 34. I'm sorry, Benil. | ||
| It's your hair, brother. | ||
| Benil's gonna be mad at me! | ||
| No, Benil's a very good guy. | ||
| He's a very, very smart guy. | ||
| He's gonna take his walker over here and beat you with it. | ||
| He's also elite at jiu-jitsu. | ||
| I don't remember why I brought him up. | ||
| We were talking about the fight. | ||
| Goddamn, why did I think he was 40? | ||
| I think at that fight, someone had said 40, and I was just like, that is insane, bro. | ||
| Oh, that's what it is. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| If that were true, can you imagine jumping in the octagon at 40 with a guy who's 21, 22? | ||
|
unidentified
|
But Randy Couture was world class when he was 40. Yeah. | |
| Heavyweights are different. | ||
| Randy Couture's a badass. | ||
| He was world class when he was 40. But also, there was no USADA back then. | ||
| How do you measure? | ||
| How do you measure? | ||
| I mean, Alistair Overeem isn't Alistair Overeem. | ||
| Right. | ||
| With USADA. It's just not the same thing. | ||
| They didn't have anything? | ||
| They didn't have any testing? | ||
| It was a fucking intelligence test. | ||
| He looks like he's not. | ||
| Yeah, he's withered away. | ||
| Clay Guida also fought that night. | ||
| He's 42. Could have been him. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Clay Guida. | ||
| Is that who he was talking about? | ||
| The wild man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're not talking about the guy who got knocked out. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I'm talking about this team. | ||
| That's where our conversation got confused. | ||
| That's where I got confused. | ||
| No, Clay is 42. So why'd you bring him up? | ||
| Because he was at that fight. | ||
| And you said Joe said something about him or something like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What were you talking about? | |
| I forget what the origin... | ||
| I've been drinking. | ||
| I forget the origin of the conversation. | ||
| How do you measure when you are a legit fan of someone and you kind of want them to win? | ||
| Yeah, you can't. | ||
| Well, that was a real problem with being Shaub, when Shaub would fight. | ||
| Because I also knew that Sha... | ||
| I know when someone has one foot in and one foot out, because I had one foot in and one foot out when I started doing stand-up. | ||
| I was still fighting when I was doing stand-up. | ||
| And I know when you're not 100% focused, that's a dangerous place to be. | ||
| Because you can get overconfident and you think that you're still at the same level that you were at if you're 100% all-in, but you're not. | ||
| You're not. | ||
| You're not. | ||
| The people that are 100% all-in on being world champion are not also thinking about, I'm gonna start this podcast and we're gonna go do a tour and do stand-up, and now I'm making more money doing podcasts than I was doing fighting, and now they're taking the promotions away. | ||
| I had more money from... | ||
| Sean had more money from ads on his shorts than he would get from his UFC paycheck. | ||
| So I knew he was one foot in, one foot out. | ||
| So with that situation, it's like, you gotta stop. | ||
| Like, I've seen this. | ||
| You gotta stop. | ||
| But some guys, you can't tell them to stop. | ||
| It's like, they have this thing in their head, and they want to figure out how to get to where they used to be one more time. | ||
| They think they can do it. | ||
| They know they can do it. | ||
| I feel like that was stand-up. | ||
| But I would root for a guy, though. | ||
| I'd be like, come on! | ||
| That would come out. | ||
| That's Tony Ferguson. | ||
| That's Tony Ferguson. | ||
| Everybody roots for Tony. | ||
| Everybody loves Tony. | ||
| Everybody roots for Tony to go back to when he was the boogeyman. | ||
| Because, you know, El Kukui, that fucking guy, he just seemed impenetrable. | ||
| It didn't matter if you hurt him. | ||
| You weren't going to stop him. | ||
| He was coming forward. | ||
| He has a series of losses in a row now, right? | ||
| Well, it was really... | ||
| All from that one knee injury that he got backstage, he tripped over wires and destroyed his knee. | ||
| Destroyed his knee. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how? | |
| You gotta mitigate risk. | ||
| He was El Kukui. | ||
| He was the interim lightweight champion. | ||
| He was supposed to fight Khabib Nurmagomedov in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| And he tripped over wires? | ||
| In the promo leading up to the show, he was doing one of those ESPN things or whatever, and there were some wires on the ground. | ||
| He didn't see them and he tripped on them. | ||
| And he wrecked his knee that way? | ||
| Wrecked his knee. | ||
| Tore it apart. | ||
| Had to have surgery. | ||
| That part would piss me off so much. | ||
| That's how it happened. | ||
| And then he comes back. | ||
| He beats Anthony Pettis. | ||
| That would bother me less. | ||
| Are you 100% now? | ||
| On the knee, yes. | ||
| On the arm, no. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Which is the opposite of what they tell you. | ||
| Can you jerk off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't jerk off left-handed, you fucking psycho. | |
| You don't, fucking rookie. | ||
| When you're in the hospital, they point to your arm. | ||
| Way to turn that around quickly. | ||
| Good volley. | ||
| They go, this is not going to be a problem. | ||
| This is going to be a problem. | ||
| And you're like, oh, okay. | ||
| Because you think, oh. | ||
| And now your knee's 100%? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But I have nerve damage in my arm. | ||
| So it might never, ever, ever be what it was. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| So where's it at now? | ||
| Well, it's just that I, for life, it's fine. | ||
| Like, you know, I can do anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But for high-level athletics? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So with, like, heavy, like, I don't know if I'll ever be able to lift anything heavy again. | ||
| Can you beat Bird of Tennis? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| External rotation, it really is bad. | ||
| But even when you have a heavy weight in your hand... | ||
| Well, first of all, I get wrist collapse at a certain weight. | ||
| So this hand will be fine, and at a certain weight, it'll collapse. | ||
| And then you feel things all in the elbow area with heavy weight. | ||
| So I don't know if I'll ever... | ||
| Not that I need to, but that's the thing. | ||
| It's like you go, I don't need... | ||
| To be a power lifter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's still kind of, yeah, it sucks when you're in there and you're like, oh, my whole arm has like these crazy vibrations and pains going on with heavy weight. | ||
| So you just have to like shift what you do. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I stopped doing jujitsu for a whole year. | ||
| I started getting these nerve pains in my fingers. | ||
| If you push on my forearm, my whole hand will go numb. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Well, they took a nerve from here. | ||
| Any nerve thing is super dangerous. | ||
| They took it out of here. | ||
| You know, I have no nerve here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, I have none. | ||
| They took it out and they put it in here. | ||
| Do you mean the tendon? | ||
| No, they took the nerve out. | ||
| They took your nerve out? | ||
| They took the nerve out because... | ||
| Reconnect nerves? | ||
| Yeah, it was a state-of-the-art surgery at the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So when the guy did it, I was like, how many of these have you done? | ||
| He goes, one. | ||
| I go, oh, no. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And he goes, because you have two nerves and two muscles here to let you pronate. | ||
| And so they take it out. | ||
| Can you explain what was happening? | ||
| That the fingers, the last fingers weren't coming back, right? | ||
| Is this what you have to wear a light watch? | ||
| They would go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They go... | |
| It was... | ||
| The injury is in December. | ||
| And in, like, March, they do a nerve test. | ||
| And they go, everything is not firing. | ||
| Like, are you... | ||
| How are you functioning? | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, you know... | ||
| And there were things that were notable. | ||
| Like, if I went to pick something up, you might not notice. | ||
| But I would just grab it. | ||
| My hand didn't open all the way. | ||
| So if you go like this, I would go like this with my healthy hand, and I would go like this. | ||
| And that was the most I could do. | ||
| And they told me, they go, if you wait a year, and the nerve doesn't fire and reconnect on its own, your body consumes a nodule. | ||
| It just consumes them. | ||
| It's like you've ever seen somebody who has like a hand that just doesn't work anymore? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| That's that nerve damage. | ||
| So they go, if you elect to just wait it out, just know that where you are could be just where you are forever. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And so when he told me that, he's like, or I could do this surgery that's like... | ||
| It was actually a Brazilian surgeon who came up with this process, this surgery, and he goes, it works, you know, 100% confident in it. | ||
| And then he just... | ||
| When it starts to hurt you turn your fucking card over to red More more knees More knees But then he did it and dude like you know I can I go all the way And I can pick things up But there's things where You would think it's strength but it's not strength | ||
| It's the nerve firing like if I pick up something heavy I can pick it up and with my right arm and pull it up, and my left arm is here, and you go, oh, I guess you're just not strong. | ||
| It's not strength. | ||
| It's that the nerve isn't firing. | ||
| It's just not sending the signal. | ||
| It won't tell it to go. | ||
| It won't tell it to go all the way. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dude, in the lone loss in my career where I got TKO'd, I got hit with a left hook and I got hit with a left hook and my legs shut off. | ||
| Totally shut up. | ||
| It's the weirdest sensation of all time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I got hit with this hook. | ||
| It hit my arm and chin, and my legs just stopped working. | ||
| Just stopped working. | ||
| I'm conscious. | ||
| My legs just stopped working. | ||
| They just completely collapsed. | ||
| And so the referee starts counting. | ||
| One, two. | ||
| And I'm like, whoa. | ||
| Totally new experience. | ||
| All my years of competing, never had that. | ||
| Never had that. | ||
| So then I stand up and I'm like, these things aren't working right. | ||
| And then this dude's like throwing punches at me and they stop the fight. | ||
| But it was a fascinating experience because it was like, it's not about heart and will. | ||
| It's not about, they just stop working. | ||
| Haven't you had Zach better on before? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he just did that thing where, you know, he's an elite, elite ultra marathon runner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was out on one of these like 100 milers. | ||
| And at like 80 miles, he was like, I felt sick. | ||
| I had to lay down. | ||
| I tried to rest. | ||
| He posted about it, you know? | ||
| And he's like, my legs, they just shut down. | ||
| So he's like, I just had to, at a certain point, he just goes, I'm tapping out of this one. | ||
| And it wasn't like, you know, it's different than obviously getting hit, but his body just was like, nope. | ||
| That's enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| It's just like, it's over. | ||
| Not happening. | ||
| That's kind of like, this is... | ||
| The wildest thing about these people that are pushing themselves like Zach Bitter does or David Goggins does is that like, Inevitably, they're going to get damaged to that body. | ||
| David has to. | ||
| Oh no, he already has. | ||
| He shared it. | ||
| He shared it. | ||
| He sent me videos of his leg where he takes his leg and he compresses his fingers around it and the edema around his shin is so thick that his fingers are embedded in his shin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He had his knee severed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And then reconnected. | ||
| He has no cartilage. | ||
| He's bone on bone. | ||
| What's that going to be like at 60 for that guy? | ||
| He's going to get replacements, 100%. | ||
| His doctor looked at his knee and said, I can't believe you can fucking walk on this. | ||
| Never mind run thousands of miles. | ||
| Thousands? | ||
| Yeah, that's his leg. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's edema on his leg. | ||
| That's from him just putting his fingers on his leg. | ||
| And that's after one of multiple surgeries he's had. | ||
| What is edema, if you don't mind me asking? | ||
| It's the swelling. | ||
| It's like all this fluid. | ||
| It's basically just fucking torn. | ||
| Meanwhile, he's an animal, bro. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| When he came to my podcast, he got there early. | ||
| When I walked in, he was already doing chin-ups. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was? | |
| Yeah, when I first met him. | ||
| I went into the gym. | ||
| The podcast starts at whatever it started at. | ||
| I get there. | ||
| He comes in and he's like, don't mind if I do? | ||
| I meet his wife. | ||
| I go back. | ||
| And he's back there doing chin-ups with his shirt off. | ||
| It's like, there's no reason to rest. | ||
| Why am I resting right here? | ||
| There's a whole full gym. | ||
| Can I use this gym? | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| He just goes out there, he's doing gym. | ||
| He's a crazy person. | ||
| What a great way to maximize your time, though. | ||
| You just sit there like, you know, I guess we're early. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| There's a gym right there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Let's get some ice. | ||
| Look at his toes. | ||
| The water. | ||
| Look at his toes. | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at the screen. | ||
| No. | ||
| Tommy. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| That's Goggin's toe. | ||
| Eat it. | ||
| That's from running. | ||
| He ran some insane amount of 100 milers in like a short period of time. | ||
| Can I tell you the most human thing about him is that he reads negative comments. | ||
| Like when you see that he gets upset about them. | ||
| He listens to them when he runs. | ||
| That's where I connect with the guy where I go, who would ever hate on David Goggins? | ||
| That guy has nothing but inspiration on me. | ||
| Listen, you gotta let that go. | ||
| There's people that are gonna hate on every fucking thing that has ever existed. | ||
| And it's not an honest perspective. | ||
| It's flavored by their own inadequacies. | ||
| Got you. | ||
| A big part of it is flavored by their own fucking disastrous life. | ||
| David Goggins is what I listen to when I, if I'm hungover, I go to the gym, I throw on David Goggins, they got a thing on him, oh yeah, I'm gonna fucking throw one of those in too. | ||
| One one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll take a rogue. | |
| This is a three, this one's a six. | ||
| I'll take a six. | ||
| No. | ||
| Six rogue. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I like. | ||
| Here you go, brother. | ||
| I like riding the horse. | ||
| Tommy turned me on to these. | ||
| Tommy turned me on to them, too. | ||
| Yeah, the Rogues are good. | ||
| They're very tasty. | ||
| And I don't take as many of them in as I do with the Zins. | ||
| I'll take those any day over people fucking dipping. | ||
| Oh, dipping's so sexy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're wrong. | |
| You're wrong. | ||
| My friend Perry, he was the stunt coordinator on Fear Factor. | ||
| He was a stunt coordinator on so many movies that back in the day, you know, we're talking about like the early 2000s, and for him, like deep into the 90s and probably the 80s, You weren't encouraged to be spitting on set. | ||
| Yeah, he had to gut it. | ||
| So he would just swallow it. | ||
| So Perry got accustomed to swallowing his own tobacco juice. | ||
| I'm like, that's a fucking man. | ||
| That's a shot of John Crunk. | ||
| John Crunk gutted it. | ||
| Slid into first, cut his whole lip up, and he was on that side. | ||
| He took it all out and pushed to the other side. | ||
| Oh, this one's good. | ||
| Which one is? | ||
| You can taste it immediately. | ||
| Those are good. | ||
| Those are a spearmint. | ||
| Ari, what is this month you're doing? | ||
| I just needed some time off. | ||
| Why don't you just do it on October like we were supposed to do it? | ||
| Because we never do. | ||
| Who are you doing it with? | ||
| No, we don't never do it, are we? | ||
| We're doing it by yourself. | ||
| This year we didn't do it. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I'm just doing it to do it. | ||
| I did it this year. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| I did it by myself. | ||
| No weed? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| No, come on. | ||
| I'm not sober. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's not sober. | ||
| I'm doing no weed. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I did October without weed, and then I started doing weed, and I was like, weed's the fucking best. | ||
| It really is the best. | ||
| I'm doing no weed, no coffee. | ||
| Weed is essentially steroids for comedy. | ||
| Weed is great. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Or it helps you. | ||
| It hurts you. | ||
| It can hurt you if you're a bitch. | ||
| I don't feel like driving whiting tonight. | ||
| I think weed is at its best when you get off stage and you take a couple hits and It almost just goes, hey man, we're good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, let's get in bed and watch a documentary on tarpon fishing. | ||
| You should sit on it. | ||
| And you're like, fuck yeah. | ||
| It's the coolest, man. | ||
| Oh, I never finished telling you this. | ||
| So they say, what do you want after your set at the Wilbur? | ||
| And I was like, I'm cool. | ||
| Sometimes after I get off, I like a glass of scotch. | ||
| And I finished. | ||
| The last time I was there, I was like, thank you, good night. | ||
| And I took one step down, and she just hands me a glass of scotch. | ||
| And I was like, I've never been treated like this in my life. | ||
| It was so fucking nice. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| That's thoughtful. | ||
| Yeah, a nice glass of scotch after you just did what you needed to do. | ||
| I was thinking about you in the shower this morning. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| He's always got to make it weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, boy. | |
| I'm broken. | ||
| What position? | ||
| I was washing my armpits. | ||
| And I thought... | ||
| Oh, normal. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's when I think about Ari, too. | ||
| It's cheat code. | ||
| I'm on my armpits. | ||
| You want to know me? | ||
| I tell you why sometimes I think about Ari when I wash my armpits? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I bet I know. | ||
| I would love to hear it. | ||
| The amount of deodorant I put on? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I do think about you when I put on deodorant, though. | ||
| I lost enough weight that I have an armpit again. | ||
| What did you have before? | ||
| A gut? | ||
| No, it was just fat. | ||
| You couldn't feel the tendons in your peck, in your back. | ||
| So, like, it's just a fold. | ||
| It's not like an armpit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so now you're like, Ari's going to be jealous? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I was thinking... | ||
| I have a little buzz, so I'll share it. | ||
| But I was thinking, how cool is it that you've had moments in your career where everyone's like, fucking write that guy off, and you're killing it. | ||
| And you're killing it. | ||
| And then you start thinking... | ||
| That has to do with armpits? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Armpits thought of Ari, and then I thought of Ari. | ||
| I've been thinking about Ari all day because of what happened last night. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And I thought... | ||
| You know, with what happened last night, I thought, I love that there's forgiveness in this world, and I love that he's killing it right now. | ||
| People that don't want to forgive people that are actively trying to be better people are bad people. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| There's a negative aspect to this non-forgiveness mindset that is inescapable. | ||
| It's not good for the person that perpetuates it, it's definitely not good for the people that receive it. | ||
| If you have this fear that you'll be cast out of the kingdom forever for a thing that you deeply regret and you might have done in duress or you might have done for whatever fucking reason, but you realize as a human being, how could I have done that? | ||
| If you're not willing to say, I get it, we're all human, and I believe your intention, give me a hug, let's work this out. | ||
| If you can't do that, you're the problem. | ||
| The problem is an unforgiving mindset, the least charitable perspective on every person you run into, because you think that somehow or another that elevates you, but it doesn't. | ||
| It doesn't. | ||
| And they make you stick to this mistake. | ||
| When Kevin Hart was trying to be nice about gays, and they're like, well, where was that then? | ||
| I'm like, he's being nice! | ||
| And this is your moment to shit on him? | ||
| Also, Kevin Hart was trying to be famous and trying to get laughs. | ||
| Trying to get laughs. | ||
| And when you try to get laughs, you will say things you don't believe, but you think will be effective. | ||
| And it's a sign of a comedian that's not that good yet. | ||
| It's a normal thing that we all did. | ||
| And still do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't do it, you fucking pussies. | |
| I watch people take wild chances at the mothership. | ||
| Like, wild chances. | ||
| And I know the audience sometimes goes, why does he care about that? | ||
| And you go, no, it's this thing in his head, and he's trying to find something. | ||
| Well, I think the audience at the Mothership is more aware of that than most clubs because we talk about it so much that the process of creating a bit is sometimes you have to trot it out there and while you're saying it, you're free-balling and you might go down the wrong path and kind of get committed to it. | ||
| And then you're like stuck on a route. | ||
| Yeah, you're just like, well, let me try to get out of this. | ||
| But that's how new bits are created. | ||
| There's new bits that get created because of that. | ||
| You just push yourself into a corner. | ||
| Yeah, see somebody like, that guy's not good. | ||
| He's trying something. | ||
| Yeah, that's what infuriated me. | ||
| It infuriated me about Louis CK's leak set. | ||
| Oh, I thought about that today. | ||
| When comics were going after him, I'm like, are you lying to the normies about the process? | ||
| It's also one of those things where I remember when that happened and you're like, we should not lose this list of names. | ||
| Oh, I've never lost that list of names. | ||
| These fucking cunts. | ||
| Where you're like, it's so obvious, by the way, that this is a pop-in, like, I'm working this shit out. | ||
| It's a workout set. | ||
| He hasn't done stand-up in 10 months. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| No stand-up in 10 months. | ||
| And every one of those premises had promise. | ||
| And also, yeah, they were good. | ||
| I would relate it to people when they were like, what's going on? | ||
| I would tell them. | ||
| They'd laugh at me retelling that joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's funny. | |
| It's literally like a farmer being criticized for not having a crop to take the market right after he plants the seeds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Where's your fucking tomatoes? | ||
| He might be the most fun person to watch work out, period, too. | ||
| He goes deep. | ||
| Dude, he's so good at it, and he just takes chances, and he goes for it, and the thing is, he actually sits in suffering More than other comics. | ||
| Meaning, if it starts to not work, so many people bail out like that, and he'll sit in the suffering. | ||
| It's a strength. | ||
| We were talking about this last night at the club, that there is a giant group of fans that want to see that happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're talking about guys, like guys were coming up to Duncan and saying, hey, I love how you changed that. | ||
| And now you're like, oh shit, now you've watched me multiple times do this thing? | ||
| But they like the pro... | ||
| Like, I like music. | ||
| I can't play music. | ||
| I can't play anything. | ||
| But I love watching live music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love watching people perform, and if there was a way that I could go watch them develop live songs, develop them, if I knew that Gary Clark Jr. is going to start out with this sort of melody and put it together in front of crowds, then one day it's going to be on Spotify, but for now, I'm getting to watch it happen? | ||
| That's comedy fans now. | ||
| Yes, that is comedy fans now. | ||
| What percentage though? | ||
| In a room? | ||
| 37. No. | ||
| 37. I'd say like less than a half percent. | ||
| At the Mothership? | ||
| Less than a half, yeah. | ||
| At the Mothership? | ||
| That are wanting to watch that? | ||
| I bet at the Mothership there's a lot more than most. | ||
| Because I bet at the Mothership they've at least listened to one conversation between comedians. | ||
| But you have to have seen the stand-up set a few times to see how it tweaks. | ||
| Don't use that bitch-ass lighter. | ||
| That is un-American. | ||
| Bitch, you little bitch. | ||
| What a bitch you are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Take this lighter. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| How are you a leader in your family with that bitch lighter? | ||
| I need to get a torch. | ||
| Does someone make a lighter that looks like an eagle? | ||
| Bert, what do you got in there? | ||
| Jamie, find me an Eagle lighter for my cigarettes. | ||
| Can I give you the best cigar you've ever had? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cigars. | |
| This is the best cigar you've ever had in your life. | ||
| With the chopper on it, it's great. | ||
| Yeah, Calibri. | ||
| Shout out to Calibri. | ||
| The only time I'd ever flex a fucking please hook me up. | ||
| I got one of those too. | ||
| I showed you this yesterday. | ||
| La Florida Minica. | ||
| The Andalusian Bull. | ||
| This is the best cigar you'll ever have in your fucking life. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That cigar is next fucking level. | ||
| This is the boy who cried wolf personified. | ||
| No, no, it's the way I live life. | ||
| I tell you how I feel. | ||
| You told me you could do the splits. | ||
| Buddy, I did a marathon. | ||
| You know how hard it was to bite my tongue when you showed me David Goggins' foot? | ||
| And I was like, that's what we do. | ||
| You should have just said it. | ||
| That's what we do, Joe. | ||
| You did a marathon. | ||
| What do you want? | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's a cutter. | ||
| It's right in front of you, Bert. | ||
| Joe, what part of my shoulders do you like? | ||
| They're very firm. | ||
| They also look like a guy who could pick up some heavy shit. | ||
| We were talking about it in the green room. | ||
| When you got on stage, I was like, damn, look at Bert's fucking shoulders. | ||
| You got traps. | ||
| You got shoulders. | ||
| You look jacked. | ||
| You remember that one day we did Sober October? | ||
| We went back there, and everybody was like, how much can you bench? | ||
| It was one of those times when you bench things, and we put 225 on the bar, and no one could bench it. | ||
| But I just saw you benching it the other day, and how many did you do? | ||
| How many reps? | ||
| Ten reps. | ||
| By the way, for progress, like to be clear, you got pinned the first time. | ||
| I got pinned. | ||
| Pinned. | ||
| Pinned on one. | ||
| Pinned, I remember. | ||
| I don't bench press, and when I did it, I was like, this is really stupid, but we were drunk. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I think I did 12 or 13. But I can do 15 now. | ||
| Every now and then I'd try it. | ||
| You know I'm going to blow out my pecs trying to do 15 today. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Blow them out. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| If you do, I'll do 20. Do it. | ||
| If you guys aren't pussies, you do it. | ||
| I love this about you. | ||
| We'll take it to the death. | ||
| I love this about you. | ||
| You don't love it. | ||
| I love that you own a little territory in my head. | ||
| You don't love it. | ||
| I do. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| I do. | ||
| You think you love it. | ||
| I absolutely do. | ||
| You think you love it until we're actually engaged in competition. | ||
| And then it's an anxiety when you get up to piss in the middle of the night. | ||
| I know you think about it. | ||
| But for real, Joe, you couldn't double it. | ||
| I could have doubled him. | ||
| I doubled him with push-ups. | ||
| No, that's ridiculous. | ||
| You couldn't. | ||
| I definitely could. | ||
| Could you do 30 reps? | ||
| No. | ||
| 30's tough. | ||
| No, impossible. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| My frame can't handle it. | ||
| At 15, I'd be struggling. | ||
| At 15, I'd be struggling. | ||
| What I did with you guys, I had no idea if I could even do it. | ||
| I literally hadn't benched in forever. | ||
| All I do is kettlebells. | ||
| The heaviest weight I do is 70 pounds. | ||
| Hey, would you ever think about posting when you program for your workout? | ||
| I would love to know what you do. | ||
| Do you ever post it on Instagram? | ||
| Do you do circuits? | ||
| Yeah, I do circuits. | ||
| But I think there's a real value to doing a bunch of exercises that are standards, like straight leg deadlifts, clean and press. | ||
| Do you start with swings? | ||
| I start with push-ups and bodyweight squats. | ||
| I start with cold plunge. | ||
| Every workout is 3 minutes, 34 degrees. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Go from there. | ||
| 20 bodyweight squats, 20 push-ups, 20 bodyweight squats, 20 push-ups. | ||
| You do 2 sets in a row so that you get 2 sets of legs, 2 sets of push-ups, so you get warm-up. | ||
| Then you do the final 3. You get to 100 push-ups, 100 bodyweight squats. | ||
| Then it's kettlebells. | ||
| And if I'm on a regular schedule, it's 70 pounds. | ||
| So I go to 70 pounds, 10 swings each arm. | ||
| 3 sets, 10 presses each arm, 3 sets, 10 windmills each arm, 3 sets, 10 renegade rows each arm, 3 sets. | ||
| Fuck renegade rows. | ||
| With 70 pounds at the end of that is rough. | ||
| Then you go to the sled. | ||
| Then you go to the sled. | ||
| And then it's the torque sled, pushing it, you're pushing it about 35 meters, and then you're pushing it and you're pulling it back. | ||
| And we do that, we'll do that for three sets. | ||
| You work with someone? | ||
| No, I just do it in my head and then I have comics do it with me. | ||
| Oh yeah, I've been there for those. | ||
| So then we go from there to Tabata's on the heavy bag. | ||
| Tabata's are 20-second sprint followed by 10-second rest. | ||
| So we do that and we blast out the end of the workout. | ||
| We put The Rock through this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the end of the workout... | ||
| You quit? | ||
| No! | ||
| The Rock is fucking... | ||
| He was cool, man. | ||
| He's humble. | ||
| He's not a kettlebell guy. | ||
| He had never done Cold Plunge before, before he did it with us. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, never done it. | ||
| So he's super humble. | ||
| Guys built like a fucking superhero, right? | ||
| But I think he's also doing a lot of stuff to increase the aesthetics. | ||
| So he's doing a lot of machines. | ||
| If you look at his Iron Paradise, that insane gym he has set up. | ||
| By the way, American flag, fucking prominently displayed. | ||
| When you look at that setup, that setup is perfect for a guy who wants to look like a superhero in a movie. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| But I'm concerned with, like, functional strength. | ||
| I'm concerned with, like, I want to be able to move my body like an athlete as long as I can. | ||
| And so we did a bunch of, like, wild shit that he had never done before. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Windmills are hard, man. | ||
| Windmills are really hard. | ||
| It's hard, you know? | ||
| But I've been doing that whole routine for so long that my body is, like... | ||
| Just fucking prying for it. | ||
| Are you pretty much at that every morning? | ||
| Is that roughly where you're at? | ||
| That's one workout that I do twice a week. | ||
| You know, a guy like me would love to get on Instagram in the morning. | ||
| Come work out with me. | ||
| No, but I'd love to get on the morning in L.A. Buddy, I got a flight out at 8. Let's go. | ||
| Let's have a 5 a.m. | ||
|
unidentified
|
workout. | |
| I texted you. | ||
| Buddy, you have no fucking idea. | ||
| I'll shoot my testosterone at fucking 4.30. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| No, 3.30. | ||
| You want to get a couple hours in it where it really gets into your system. | ||
| I love getting information like that. | ||
| And then we'll cold plunge first. | ||
| Cold plunge first while it's dark out. | ||
| With your big cock? | ||
| You'll hear... | ||
| It's not that big. | ||
| It's regular. | ||
| Oh, buddy. | ||
| The video you showed of yourself getting the cold plunge the other day. | ||
| I had to stop myself from going, is anyone looking at his cock? | ||
| Only Bert. | ||
| Only Bert and a couple of chicks. | ||
| They call me a hog watcher. | ||
| If you have a big talk, I'm going to notice. | ||
| There's something fun about getting in that cold when it's raining out. | ||
| It was 32 when you got in that video. | ||
| No, it was 21. 21 outside and 34 inside. | ||
| How much do you think it's worse? | ||
| What? | ||
| Getting in the cold when it's cold outside. | ||
| Because it feels like you want a relief from something. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's so much better after the sauna. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. | ||
| But it doesn't matter if it's hot out. | ||
| Once you get in, it's still fucking so cold. | ||
| Do you do box breathing? | ||
| I just breathe. | ||
| I'm really accustomed to being in there now. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| So I can just sort of... | ||
| Great. | ||
| It's after those first 20 seconds, then it's like, just shut up and shut up. | ||
| Unless you use the Blue Cube. | ||
| The Blue Cube, there's an option to have it like a raging river. | ||
| And you never get what's called a thermal barrier. | ||
| Oh, the bubble. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Thermal barrier. | ||
| You realize how in the weeds you are about cold plunging? | ||
| Yeah, I'm in the weeds. | ||
| If you want to be a guy who tortures yourself, Blue Cube is the way to go. | ||
| I would love to open up Rogan's YouTube on his computer and just see what it's suggesting to him. | ||
| I can't wait until North Korea finds his fucking phone. | ||
| By the amount of guns I research. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the amount of animal attacks. | |
| The polar plunge is badass, but do you do the light thing? | ||
| Yeah, I do that, red light therapy. | ||
| I do that every morning. | ||
| Did you get that in bed? | ||
| Yeah, I got it. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Is it great? | ||
| Well, one of the things that's happening is as you get older, your face, your skin starts to get thinner because you have a lack of collagen, and you start looking like, ugh, it looks sick. | ||
| Even if you feel good, your skin has more laxity. | ||
| In the one and a half months that I've been using it, my skin looks better. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's red light therapy. | ||
| Is it just like a thing? | ||
| We could talk about it, but I don't know what I'm saying, so I'd be bullshitting. | ||
| It's something that shoots light at you? | ||
| Yeah, it helps your body produce marks sometimes. | ||
| I do that for my head. | ||
| It helps you rehabilitate from injuries. | ||
| There's a lot of things. | ||
| I'm not the guy. | ||
| Do you still do Oxygen Chamber? | ||
| I have one of those. | ||
| You do Hyperbaric? | ||
| Yeah, I have one of those. | ||
| You have one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to do this so bad. | ||
| And I have a flotation tank. | ||
| I don't know which one is better for you, because both of them are really good for you. | ||
| The flotation tank, there's a reset that I think you can achieve from that. | ||
| It's just like doing psychedelics without any of the weird... | ||
| Fuckery of recovering and coming back to normal. | ||
| You get out of there and you're fine. | ||
| You're out. | ||
| If you could take what you get from a sensory deprivation tank in a pill just as a drug, everybody would take it. | ||
| It's called Xanax. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's the opposite. | ||
| I bet Xanax is awesome. | ||
| I think what that is is the opposite. | ||
| Instead of pretending your house isn't wrecked, that's like going in your house and examining all the cracks in your foundation. | ||
| Oh, I had to jack off. | ||
| In a flotation tank? | ||
| Uh, whatever. | ||
| Shout out to Kuya. | ||
| Anyway... | ||
| You jacked off in one of their... | ||
| No, I didn't jack off in their fucking thing. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, you did. | |
| It's a joke. | ||
| I feel like you did. | ||
| I probably didn't. | ||
| Tom, you jerk off. | ||
| I jerk off a lot. | ||
| How often are you jerking off? | ||
| Not as much now. | ||
| Leanne's on testosterone, too. | ||
| I'm not supposed to share that. | ||
| You did. | ||
| She won't let you jerk off? | ||
| She just went secret time. | ||
| She just went to... | ||
| Secret time for 11 million people. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Careful. | |
| You want to edit that out? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| No, because I like what Ways to Well's doing. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Yeah, they're awesome. | ||
| And they got her on testosterone and progesterone, and I'll share that. | ||
| And she's ready to fall. | ||
| Buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buddy. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cowboys? | ||
| Man, after your apology. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Save a horse? | |
| After your apology. | ||
| My wife's friend got on it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I got you. | ||
| My wife's friend is English. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on my leg. | |
| Come on my leg. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| My wife's friend is English. | ||
| You're always making about you. | ||
| Go ahead, Joe. | ||
| My wife's friend is English, and she got on testosterone. | ||
| And she was telling my wife about it. | ||
| She goes, I feel like a bloke. | ||
| She was an English lady. | ||
| She goes, I feel like a bloke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so cute. | |
| Leanne wants to fuck all the time. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And I'm telling you, it's Ways to Wellness. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| God bless Ways to Well. | ||
| Get them on it. | ||
| She's on progesterone and testosterone. | ||
| I told it to Shane Torres, Shane Gillis, and he fucking could not stop making fun of it in the most hilarious way. | ||
| He's fucking so good. | ||
| But it's changed our relationship. | ||
| We're fucking nonstop. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| I don't even, I can't even, I don't want to jump off. | ||
| What's that noise again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| Throw-up noise. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, when Lane and I fuck? | ||
| Just joking. | ||
| No, if you saw us fuck, I think you'd... | ||
| I would jack off in the corner? | ||
| I don't think you would. | ||
| What would I do? | ||
| You'd be a lot of like, what's Bert thinking about? | ||
| You'd be that same face when you made... | ||
| Like, open your eyes, Bert. | ||
| She's getting confused. | ||
| What's your favorite position, Bert? | ||
| What's your favorite position, Bert? | ||
| Doggy style. | ||
| Good question. | ||
| I thought you were going to say pegged. | ||
| I'm so glad you didn't say pegged. | ||
| No. | ||
| I like From Behind. | ||
| It's really fucking hot. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| I never was into asses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good one. | |
| I was never into asses. | ||
| There's a whole category. | ||
| You were never into asses? | ||
| No, I was a tick guy. | ||
| And I'm still a tick guy, but it's funny. | ||
| I look at her ass and it's perfect. | ||
| It's not like cellulady and it's just a big ass. | ||
| It's a big ass. | ||
| Cellulady. | ||
| Cellulady! | ||
| Cellulady? | ||
| That sounds like it should be a band. | ||
| That should be a fucking cool band, like Pussy Riot. | ||
| Cellulady. | ||
| But I like Doggy Style's fucking hot. | ||
| It's so fucking hot. | ||
| I don't know if it's testosterone, but she's checked off barriers that were previously in our relationship. | ||
| Buttfucking. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| We haven't had anal sex. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| We haven't had anal sex. | ||
| Do you want it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, obviously. | ||
| Hans Kim on... | ||
| No, no, your girl's podcast. | ||
| Kill Laura. | ||
| Kill Laura. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Laura Compton. | ||
| First date, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Kill Laura? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I don't know, buddy. | ||
| Hans Kim. | ||
| What's the podcast called? | ||
| First date. | ||
| First date. | ||
| Lauren Compton. | ||
| He had a really funny... | ||
| Lauren Compton, yeah. | ||
| Lauren Compton, sorry. | ||
| Lauren Compton. | ||
| You guys sure? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| He said, I do want to have it, only so I know where I stand with you. | ||
| That you'll let me do dirty shit to you. | ||
| Or something like that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Hans said that? | ||
| Yeah, Hans said that. | ||
| Something similar. | ||
| Sounds like a guy who shouldn't be allowed to have a gun. | ||
| Let's see where I stand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I fucked it up. | ||
| Sorry, Hans. | ||
| I fucked it up. | ||
| But it was very funny. | ||
| Hans is funny as shit. | ||
| I can't stop thinking about, I know this is a weird transition, but that six hour MPX that Taron has. | ||
| Good gun. | ||
| I want to get one of those. | ||
| Wait, what's this? | ||
| I'll get you one. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wait, are we telling us things we can't stop thinking about? | ||
| I keep thinking about that. | ||
| I've been thinking about that gun for two years. | ||
| Can I tell you what I can't stop thinking about? | ||
| Can I stop telling you what I can't stop thinking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you mention to Snoop that you knew me? | ||
| I gotta pee. | ||
| That's what you wanted to know? | ||
| I have to know. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| No, but I'll tell you why. | ||
| You motherfucker! | ||
| I'll tell you why, though. | ||
| You didn't bring my name up? | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It wasn't a... | ||
| He didn't want to own up to you. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| It wasn't a long conversation. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And it wasn't like... | ||
| It wasn't settling in to talk. | ||
| It was... | ||
| The first time I met him, I met him for three seconds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I thought that was it. | ||
| And at the end of the night, when I went in there, I had major hesitation about walking into his dressing room with his bodyguards and everything around. | ||
| And I just went in to say, it was fun to be on the show with you. | ||
| And I thought it was that. | ||
| And he asked for a pic. | ||
| It was very, very fast. | ||
| It wasn't long. | ||
| I went to see Danny Brown. | ||
| If I had stayed to talk, if he was like, pull up a seat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would have been something. | ||
| I want to see Danny Brown and rap's just not my genre like it is yours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's cool. | ||
| We've become friendly. | ||
| Danny's fantastic. | ||
| I brought Daniel Simonson. | ||
| That's his number one guy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What? | ||
| Simonson's like, what do you mean? | ||
| I was like, sure. | ||
| And we're having a conversation. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| What about the weather? | ||
| I don't know, whatever. | ||
| And I look over and Daniel's just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He's trying to be cool. | ||
| I was trying to navigate... | ||
| The conversation without looking like... | ||
| You realize I would have been like, if you had worked with him for a year, I would have walked in and been like, I know Tom Segura. | ||
| I just... | ||
| That's so who I am. | ||
| Yeah, but I was... | ||
| I mean, here's the thing. | ||
| You say that, like, because you were in my mind, and the fact that you guys worked together was a natural thing to bring up. | ||
| But it was also, I think, when you're sometimes in those situations, you're like, when's the time to say this? | ||
| You're kind of nervous about how you say it, and you're looking for the end to say it. | ||
| So if I had talked to him for longer, it would have been a normal thing to bring up. | ||
| Cheers, I love drinking with you. | ||
| Okay, I love drinking with you too. | ||
| And I'm Ari. | ||
| Oh, Ari, you're so gay. | ||
| You're not drinking? | ||
| Yeah, I got another week. | ||
| Yeah, that little dog. | ||
| Oh, it's so fucking cute. | ||
| The cutest thing I've ever seen. | ||
| It's so fucking cute. | ||
| I just swallow his face. | ||
| Hey, Joe, can I ask you a question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So when you watched Conor McGregor and Nate Diaz fight, did you want one of them to win? | ||
| No. | ||
| This is where we started. | ||
| The main problem I had during commentary was Schaub. | ||
| That was the only problem I really ever had. | ||
| There's a lot of guys I love. | ||
| I love Donald Cowboy Cerrone. | ||
| I fucking love that dude. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I wish there was more men like that in this world. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| But when he's fighting Conor McGregor, I can't have a favorite. | ||
| I just have to let it happen. | ||
| These guys, they're all professionals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you do that, though? | |
| It's impossible. | ||
| No, I do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do it. | |
| I do it. | ||
| I swear to God, I do it. | ||
| Even when Sean Strickland fought Israel Adesanya, Izzy's my friend. | ||
| I love Izzy. | ||
| Izzy's the motherfucker. | ||
| He's the shit. | ||
| He's the motherfucker. | ||
| He defended me when that whole N-word video came out. | ||
| Dude, that made me tear up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| By the way, as a personal favorite, 100% he's my personal favorite. | ||
| As a human being, he's one of my favorite people that I've ever met. | ||
| He's an extraordinary human being. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| But when he fought Sean Strickland, I have to be neutral. | ||
| I have to be like, whoa, what's happening? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's the job. | |
| You can't be like that. | ||
| It's the job. | ||
| But that was during Fight Companion. | ||
| That was during Fight Companion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| Yeah, so I wasn't even working. | ||
| I was just hanging out here watching the fight. | ||
| I still have to be neutral. | ||
| I have to be. | ||
| I have to have a neutral mindset when I'm watching people fight. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| When people are fighting, that's just like from my own mind. | ||
| I don't allow my mind to go into this avenue where... | ||
| I want someone to win and someone to lose, because you'll get a biased perspective. | ||
| And I know I've been guilty of that in the past, when I was in the early days of my commentary. | ||
| And I realized, that's a flaw. | ||
| It's a flaw. | ||
| Like, I have friends that fight, and I love them to death, and I want them to win. | ||
| But if they don't win, I can't be attached to that. | ||
| I have to be attached as a person who's appreciating the sport. | ||
| I'll check in on them. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| You alright? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The reality of what they're doing is I have to be a clear, objective viewer of the transaction. | ||
| Who's winning the exchange? | ||
| When I'm hearing MMA commentary, I definitely want what you're saying. | ||
| When I hear football or sports commentary, I want to hear the Yankees go, come on! | ||
| You can't let that out. | ||
| Yeah, but the thing is there's a giant difference between a sport and a fight. | ||
| A fight, you're exposing a man's soul, and you've got to be respectful of that. | ||
| You're exposing everything about what he's capable of. | ||
| They're fighting to the death. | ||
| They're just not letting them finish it. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I think, by the way, that Kirk Herbstreet does that so well. | ||
| What? | ||
| He's an Ohio State graduate. | ||
| Like, he played there. | ||
| And he commentates on all the biggest games. | ||
| And he can commentate on an Ohio State game. | ||
| Be neutral? | ||
| In my opinion, yes. | ||
| Oh, see, I want somebody. | ||
| I would turn the Redskins games on mute and let the radio, like the hometown radio guys. | ||
| Yeah, I think he's very good at it. | ||
| Sweet. | ||
| Sweet. | ||
| My favorite. | ||
| Nate Diaz clip ever, ever, is the coolest thing, especially if you've ever been bullied. | ||
| Do you ever see Nate Diaz when they go, hey, were you ever bullied as a kid? | ||
| And he just looks and he goes, no, I had a big brother. | ||
| And you're like, and your heart swells and you go, fuck! | ||
| Yes, Stockton. | ||
| And his big brother was Nick Diaz. | ||
| Nick Diaz. | ||
| Nick fucking Diaz. | ||
| Nick Diaz is one of the all-time greats. | ||
| I have to ask this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is everyone's story broke? | |
| That never happened to you. | ||
| And I have a big brother, man. | ||
| In fact, his big brother. | ||
| And his big brother's a savage. | ||
| A real legit savage. | ||
| I remember when Nick Diaz fought Robbie Lawler. | ||
| Robbie Lawler was the man. | ||
| He was like 20 years old. | ||
| He was an assassin just smashing people. | ||
| And Nick Diaz went into the octagon. | ||
| And as he walked into the octagon, he was like stomping on the floor. | ||
| What part of California is he in front again? | ||
| Stockton. | ||
| Stockton. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, I forgot for a second. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| And he was yelling out, Stockton. | ||
| Stockton, motherfucker, Stockton. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And I was like, what is going on here? | ||
| I was confused. | ||
| Like, as a commentator, I'm like, what's happening here? | ||
| He's like, Stockton, motherfucker, Stockton. | ||
| I can't believe I forgot Stockton. | ||
| You're the one that brought it up, the only reason I know that- I haven't eaten today. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| All I've had is alcohol. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had a fucking rib eye. | ||
| I was up late at night. | ||
| I wrote late at night till four in the morning. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Got up, got in the cold, did my workout. | ||
| Go back to the story. | ||
| Stockton, motherfucker. | ||
| So he yells out, Stockton, motherfucker! | ||
| Stockton! | ||
| And you see Robbie Lauer going, what is that? | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| And when we thought Nick could beat him, like we knew Nick was a jiu-jitsu guy, but he beat him with boxing. | ||
| He knocked him out. | ||
| He knocked out Robbie Lawler. | ||
| When he hit him on the right hook and Robbie dropped like face plants, we're like, what? | ||
| It was nonsense. | ||
| Like, no way. | ||
| Somebody bullied ruthless Robbie Lawler. | ||
| I mean, Robbie was an animal. | ||
| Robbie was throwing back, but Nick was just... | ||
| You gotta understand that that talking shit is a 100% legit psychological tactic. | ||
| It fucks with your mind and impedes your performance 100%. | ||
| He's a brilliant move. | ||
| He's in all sports, too. | ||
| In all high-level sports. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And in fighting, I think he did it better than anybody in the beginning. | ||
| Nobody did it better in fight. | ||
| He would talk so much shit to them. | ||
| Frank Shamrock said that he couldn't believe it was happening to him. | ||
| Go to Nick Diaz versus Frank Shamrock. | ||
| I want to see it too. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Nate's the one that flicked off the cameras, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He stunned him with the one-two. | ||
| Yeah, but Nick was better. | ||
| All due respect to Nate. | ||
| Nate will tell you that Nick is better than Nate. | ||
| Just weed killed Nate. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I thought he stopped fighting because he wouldn't get tested. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Nobody got killed because of weed. | ||
| I thought he stopped fighting because he was like, I'm not cleaning up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nick? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| There's no testing now in the UFC. Now? | ||
| He's just had some real injuries, man. | ||
| You've got to go to Nick Diaz, like right there, boom, faceplant. | ||
| You've got to go to Nick Diaz in Strikeforce. | ||
| If you want to see Nick Diaz at the elite of the elite level, where he achieved real true greatness. | ||
| By the time he got to the UFC, he was still great. | ||
| When he fought Gomi in Pride, he was still great. | ||
| An elite athlete in combat sports has a small window of time Where they can perform at their best level. | ||
| And when Nick Diaz was in Strikeforce, when he was the champ, he was fucking everybody up. | ||
| He would just walk you down and beat your ass, and if you went to the ground, he would fucking strangle you 100% of the time. | ||
| He beat everybody's asses. | ||
| The thing is, like, he would let guys take him down, like, shut up, you can't knock me out. | ||
| Like, you never knocked him out. | ||
| No one knocked him out. | ||
| He always survived. | ||
| He always figured out a way to turn into a grappling exchange, and then slowly but surely he would beat you out. | ||
| Nick Diaz swam from Alcatraz five times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Five times. | |
| Might be more. | ||
| Nick, I'm sorry if it's more since then. | ||
| It's probably more since then. | ||
| He beat everybody down. | ||
| Beat everybody down. | ||
| Eventually you just withered and he never got tired and he just kept putting on you and at the end of the fight it was always like this. | ||
| He was basically hitting a fucking punching bag. | ||
| A person who couldn't believe the amount of pressure that Nick Diaz put on them. | ||
| Just beating the fuck out of them with not even breathing heavy. | ||
| He did not stop. | ||
| He did not stop. | ||
| And you're standing on top of him like, what? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's over. | ||
| I want you to go to Nick Diaz versus Frank Shamrock. | ||
| Because Frank Shamrock was a legend. | ||
| Hardcore. | ||
| He was a UFC champion. | ||
| He was the first complete mixed martial artist. | ||
| He could wrestle. | ||
| He could submit you. | ||
| He could do anything. | ||
| And Nick Diaz the entire time was like, what, bitch? | ||
| What, bitch? | ||
| What are you going to do, bitch? | ||
| He was just constantly talking to him. | ||
| And Frank was like, I couldn't believe he was talking to me. | ||
| He's talking right now. | ||
| Yeah, always. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| See if you can hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love him or hate him, I think he's tremendous for the sport. | |
| You need these kinds of characters in mixed martial arts. | ||
| I think they both like talking. | ||
| Frank's trying to focus right now, though, you can tell. | ||
| Frank using that straight right hand of the body. | ||
| And the thing is, he's just touching you. | ||
| He's hitting you with, like, 50%, 60%. | ||
| But he's so relaxed. | ||
| Look how relaxed his style is. | ||
| He's not getting tired. | ||
| Look how easy he's hitting him. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because he's just wearing him out. | ||
| He's cooking his food. | ||
| And he's holding back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, no, Nick is 100% holding back. | ||
| Look how he's punching him. | ||
| He's not punching him full force at all. | ||
| He's just piecing him up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, the thing is, if you can fight at that style, where you're just 50%-ing guys, you don't get tired. | ||
| And if you can do 20 punches at 50%, it's almost as good as 50 punches at 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or rather, 10 punches at 100%. | ||
| It's like, if you cut it in half, the volume also keeps you from being able to take a good breath. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| The guy's on you all the time. | ||
| You never get a breather. | ||
| Frank's not getting any breathers. | ||
| And Nick's not tired. | ||
| Look, he's just piecing them. | ||
| Look, even that kick, there's no real power in it. | ||
| Everything is just touching you, touching you, until he starts to really see you wilt. | ||
| And look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at his stomach. | ||
| Look at his stomach. | ||
| There's no breathing heavy at all. | ||
| He's probably at 120 beats a minute right now. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| This is a fucking guy who runs triathlons. | ||
| So he can stand in front of you and you are fucking cooked. | ||
| So he's cooking his chicken right now. | ||
| He's got his chicken on the frying pan right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's cooking chicken breasts. | |
| He's just piecing him up. | ||
| And look, not tired, not exhausted, not hitting him. | ||
| There's a dig. | ||
| That's a dig. | ||
| First dig. | ||
| That right hand of the body he dug into. | ||
| So right now he's 100% going after it. | ||
| Yeah, now he's going after it. | ||
| See the difference? | ||
| Look, these punches have a lot more fury behind them, right? | ||
| Because he's ending the fight. | ||
| Frank's already at 180 beats a minute. | ||
| He's wilting. | ||
| And he's beating the fuck out of him. | ||
| And then he helps him out. | ||
| He goes, you're a legend. | ||
| Get up. | ||
| He said that, you're a legend, get up. | ||
| And he holds his hand up. | ||
| Because that's how he feels about him. | ||
| That's legitimately how he feels about him. | ||
| Is there anyone better than Diaz brothers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Brothers? | ||
| No, the brothers, man. | ||
| That legend. | ||
| Look, there's a lot of others. | ||
| Are they better than Peyton Manning and Archie Manning? | ||
| Eli Manning? | ||
| Yeah, Eli Manning? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| All sports are saying. | ||
| Yeah, like the brothers. | ||
| No, Peyton and Eli are better. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| World titles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| MVP's. | ||
| Multiple rings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Nate's biggest win, that's his big win. | ||
| You said, though, that elite guys, when they get in there, they do most of the fight at like 60%, 70%, right? | ||
| That's one of the reasons why Max Holloway stopped sparring. | ||
| Max decided at one point in time that he sparred enough and he understands it. | ||
| He just does drills and trains and does a bunch of strength and conditioning work. | ||
| And when he goes into a fight, he hasn't been hit in a long time. | ||
| And that's his philosophy. | ||
| But he's also a world champion at the top of, you know, there's a top five pound for pound. | ||
| Max Holloway should be in there. | ||
| He's one of the greatest of all time. | ||
| That's the thing, if you're amateur, you always start going like, I'm going 100%, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you know, you step in, whether you're doing jujitsu or you're boxing or something, you're just like, I'm going to go all out. | ||
| And then you realize this is not sustainable. | ||
| It's not sustainable. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But those elite guys are like, oh, you got to make this shit last. | ||
| Well, Nick Diaz was the best at that. | ||
| Because he understood endurance from the perspective of someone who swam from Alcatraz, someone who does triathlons. | ||
| When you do triathlons, you're fucking swimming, you're running, and you're biking. | ||
| There's three different things you're doing. | ||
| All of them are exhausting. | ||
| And any one of them, when it's over, it should be over. | ||
| Like, wow, what a workout. | ||
| But then you've got another one. | ||
| And then after that, you've got another one! | ||
| He takes a tourist boat out there and is like, I'll catch up with you guys. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They do that specifically. | ||
| Endurance athletes do it. | ||
| They swim back from Alcatraz. | ||
| Because if you don't make it to the shore, you're dead. | ||
| And there's also Great Whites. | ||
| They nest out there. | ||
| They nest. | ||
| San Francisco, that area out there is famous for the population of Great Whites. | ||
| You can't outstrike the Great Whites. | ||
| No, you're dead. | ||
| That's like, what are you doing? | ||
| So there's like a follow boat? | ||
| I don't even know how they did it. | ||
| Either way, he made it all the way five times. | ||
| Not that a follow boat is going to help you. | ||
| How far are you swimming when you do that? | ||
| I just was there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's too far. | |
| It's more than a mile. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| If I'm not mistaken. | ||
| Current, though. | ||
| Well, they time it out with a current. | ||
| They don't go in an outgoing time. | ||
| But the distance, just the distance as the crow flies. | ||
| What's the distance between Alcatraz and the short? | ||
| It's got to be at least two miles? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's got to be at least a mile. | ||
| He says, I have done Alcatraz five times. | ||
| So during the Conor McGregor, Rafael Dos Anjos, anyway, during one of the fights, I said that he did it twice, and he corrected me. | ||
| He corrected me and he said he did it five times. | ||
| How far is the distance? | ||
| But this is, by the way, 2016. He's probably done it five times since then. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| He's a fucking psycho. | ||
| This is a story, like, I remember how hot this story was. | ||
| What's the distance between Alcatraz? | ||
| It's got to be at least, I'm just telling you on triathlons, it's got to be a mile. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's more than a mile. | ||
| I know it is, but I'm just saying, to be safe, it's over a fucking mile. | ||
| Whatever, like, what happened with the Kane story? | ||
| Cain Velasquez? | ||
| Cain, he hasn't been convicted in 1.25 miles. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's a long swim, dude. | ||
| It's a long swim. | ||
| Cain has not been convicted. | ||
| He's still locked up? | ||
| No, he's free. | ||
| They released him on bail. | ||
| Can I ask you to pause for a second? | ||
| Is Cain Velasquez the guy in Hawaii whose son... | ||
| No. | ||
| He's a guy in Northern California whose son was molested by someone who was running the daycare center. | ||
| Same, same. | ||
| I thought it was Hawaii. | ||
| He's from AKA. He's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time. | ||
| In his prime, maybe the best. | ||
| And he found out that his son had been molested by a daycare worker. | ||
| And he went after that guy and drove his car in a rage and shot a gun at him. | ||
| And they arrested him. | ||
| They kept him in jail for a long time. | ||
| And they finally let him out on bond. | ||
| And now he's coaching at AKA. And I don't know what the status of his case is. | ||
| But Kane is an exceptional human being. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| He's an amazing human being. | ||
| I feel like that was a story where like... | ||
| Every dad who heard that was like, I fucking get it. | ||
| I get it 100%. | ||
| The guy who did that is out. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, the guy who did that is out on bail. | ||
| So he's out. | ||
| And Cain was in jail at the same time. | ||
| It's one of the most terrifying... | ||
| Situations a father could ever find themselves in and not just know that that guy is out But that you're in prison and that your wife is home with your children and this guy who has already targeted your kid Who knows how fucking sick he is he might try to target him again while you were in jail because You're you're and you might be in jail forever. | ||
| Who knows you might be in jail for 30 years. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| It's attempted murder. | ||
| He was shooting a gun at the guy allegedly You know, but I'm on Team Cain all day. | ||
| Does he have a GoFundMe? | ||
| Does he have a GoFundMe? | ||
| I don't know, but if he is, I'm donating. | ||
| Can you find out if there's a GoFundMe? | ||
| I'm on Team Cain all day. | ||
| We just strangle him next time. | ||
| Every person in this room except Ari who has a kid, but even Ari for his dog. | ||
| No, I'm totally on board. | ||
| Strangle him. | ||
| Don't give him the chance. | ||
| But there's a feeling when you have kids, man, there's a fucking protection feeling. | ||
| Jim Brewer said it to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, I never understood murder. | |
| He goes, now I get murder. | ||
| He goes, I had murder for my kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| GoFundMe shut down. | ||
| What? | ||
| GoFundMe shuts down Cain Velasquez fundraiser says donors issued refunds. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh, they shut it down. | ||
| Violation of terms of service. | ||
| What's your terms of service? | ||
| Legal defense of a violent crime. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Prohibits raising money for the legal defense, yeah. | ||
| So Hurricane, you couldn't raise money for Hurricane? | ||
| No, it's not a violent crime. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| It's between human beings. | ||
| What? | ||
| The fact of God. | ||
| Hurricane? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| You mean Ruben Hurricane Carter? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, you couldn't have his defense? | ||
| Okay, I'm glad. | ||
| You know, I just added Bob Dylan's Hurricane to my Spotify Green Room playlist, which will now be available. | ||
| Hardcore N-word used in that song. | ||
| I knew you were saying Hurricane. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| That hurricane story is complicated. | ||
| Yeah, but so you couldn't raise money for that defense with the new GoFundMe rules? | ||
| Yeah, but that story is complicated. | ||
| Whether or not that person was guilty or not is complicated. | ||
| The hurricane story? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a little complicated. | ||
| And the version in the movie is 100% horse shit. | ||
| The version in the movie of the guy who's targeting him, horse shit. | ||
| In the movies, they always do that with Fruitvale Station. | ||
| They can't make him a drug dealer, so he's like, here, take on my weed. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| And it's like, you can be a drug dealer and not deserve to get shot. | ||
| Yeah, well, also, when drugs are legal and some drugs will get you put in a cage, and the people that own the patents to those drugs are funding politicians, it's like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you just don't want entrepreneurs. | ||
| You don't want drug dealers on a street level. | ||
| There's drug dealers everywhere. | ||
| Every time you go to Walgreens, there's a fucking plexiglass wall behind you and the drug dealer. | ||
| True. | ||
| They're filled with people's stuff. | ||
| Me and Kevin Iser were driving through Arizona, and we passed by some prisons, and we were just looking them up. | ||
| They all renamed, rebranded, and we were like, they made, since 85, 86, they made $2 billion. | ||
| And if you told them, hey, one of your big funding things is weed arrests, we're going to make that not a problem. | ||
| They're going to go full on. | ||
| I'm like, make that illegal. | ||
| Keep that illegal. | ||
| Well, you know that prison guard unions lobby to keep marijuana from being decomposed. | ||
| You're taking away a quarter of our business. | ||
| Just to keep them employed, basically. | ||
| Yeah, because it's like if you're a business person, that's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| If you have shareholders, if you have union members, you're not supposed to do it morally. | ||
| You're supposed to do it like what's the benefit of this group of people that I represent. | ||
| That's what's dirty about corporations. | ||
| To not do that? | ||
| What's the family that Jelly Roll just talked about at Congress? | ||
| The Bilderbergs? | ||
| No, the Clintons. | ||
| No, but he talked about a family that did all opioids. | ||
| The Sackler family. | ||
| I'm just saying, be fair. | ||
| Well, the kids are saying, let's get out of this. | ||
| Could you walk away from millions? | ||
| Who? | ||
| You, as a person. | ||
| You like to say you could. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like to say I could, but I'm just saying I can't. | |
| If you were in the family, the Sackler family, and all that shit was going down, do you think you would have kept your mouth shut? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you knew that everybody was dying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You justified to yourself. | ||
| Everyone would. | ||
| You're lying. | ||
| I think Facebook started nice. | ||
| If you're on a yacht in fucking Mykonos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| This is what I believe. | ||
| I think Facebook started nice and it was all friendly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's super nice. | |
| And then once Zuckerberg realized, oh, people are turning on each other hard for your thing, he's like, keep it running. | ||
| Just keep it running. | ||
| We got a machine here. | ||
| Buddy, it's so hard to walk away from money. | ||
| Not everyone has a sweet thing in life. | ||
| How much money are we talking about? | ||
| You're willing to let people die for this money? | ||
| I'm just saying I'm not better than the average person. | ||
| You know what I want to stop you right here, what you're saying? | ||
| This is what I want to stop you. | ||
| You're you. | ||
| And those people that work for the Sacklers are a different thing. | ||
| If you take flour and sugar and chocolate and you mix it up and you make it a fucking cake, that's how you make a cake. | ||
| If you want to make sourdough bread, you need different ingredients. | ||
| If you want to make a really nice guy who's a good dad and a good husband and a funny guy and does a tour and does stand-up comedy, you go through your life. | ||
| I disagree. | ||
| And you make Bert Kreiser. | ||
| You make you. | ||
| If you want to make a Sackler, you have to have disconnected parents. | ||
| You have to have this weird privilege of insane financial wealth. | ||
| You have to have a pharmaceutical gigantic company that's been bribing politicians and manipulating narratives and shaping the public's view of pharmaceutical drugs All for money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But this is the environment that you grow up in. | |
| You're a different thing. | ||
| You're a different thing. | ||
| You, right now, would pass up on the money. | ||
| I have money right now, but I'm saying... | ||
| No, I'm saying if you got a fucking phone call and the Sackler said, this is going to sound crazy, but it turns out you're a part of the fucking Sackler family. | ||
| And you have a seat on the board, and you can come in, and we didn't know, but you're a part of the family, and we have to give you a piece, and you've got to come in. | ||
| You're worth $10 billion now. | ||
| No, that's different. | ||
| That's inheriting it. | ||
| What if you're a comedy? | ||
| What if something you do now, you realize... | ||
| No, but the Sackler family inherited their wealth, Ari. | ||
| That's why this is valid. | ||
| He didn't. | ||
| He built up his life. | ||
| That's why he wouldn't do it now. | ||
| You would do it if you were trapped in that environment. | ||
| If you were trapped in that environment, your crime life was damaging people. | ||
| That's what determinism is. | ||
| The idea behind it is you're shaped by all the different circumstances you encounter. | ||
| And to compare your circumstances to another circumstances are crazy. | ||
| They don't make any sense. | ||
| But I'm wondering, just argument's sake, if they had said to me at a young age, you know, get out of comedy, the Sacklers have this thing called OxyContin. | ||
| And it's really helping with cancer. | ||
| Because that's how you get into it, right? | ||
| Yeah, but for sure you would have got out at an early age. | ||
| It's like if someone gave you a lottery ticket. | ||
| If you got a lottery ticket and you won $100 million, it would probably ruin your career when you were 21. A thousand percent. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| At 21, it would have. | ||
| But you wouldn't have gotten out of it. | ||
| You would have taken it. | ||
| No, you would have taken the money and you would have become a loser. | ||
| No, I'm saying you wouldn't have gotten out of the money. | ||
| No, you would have taken the money. | ||
| If you don't have any money, when you get money, it is the panacea. | ||
| It is the elixir. | ||
| It is the thing that exists that you didn't think was possible. | ||
| Now, all of a sudden, you're not worrying about bills, which is 35% of everybody's fucking stress. | ||
| Those wardens, those prisons, they're convincing themselves, no, no, these are dangerous drug addicts. | ||
| We can't have them on the street. | ||
| They're convincing themselves, not lying. | ||
| They're like lying to themselves. | ||
| Yeah, but you don't even have to convince yourself, man. | ||
| That's a human dynamic that was exposed in the Stanford prison experiments. | ||
| If you get people and they have power over other people, they start abusing them. | ||
| Almost instantly. | ||
| Especially if somebody tells you to do it. | ||
| But at the same time, it's like... | ||
| No, they're not totally debunked, Ari. | ||
| At the end of it, these people decided that they wanted to get out of it, and they got out of it. | ||
| But the reality is, the way they behaved with each other was documented. | ||
| It was like leading them. | ||
| Yeah, but you couldn't lead me to do that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| See, that's my problem. | ||
| You couldn't right now, but you could if I was 20. It was like they weren't really convinced, and they were like, push harder, go. | ||
| And it's like, okay. | ||
| They weren't convinced they were actually doing it. | ||
| There's been a lot of weird things about people in power, and one of the weirdest ones is there was people that were administrating electrical shock To a person. | ||
| And they were told to do it by someone else, so they did it. | ||
| And it got to the point where they thought the person might be dying. | ||
| And some people kept doing it, and some people did not. | ||
| And there is a power dynamic that I think allows people to torture people, it allows people to kill people, whatever the fuck you are. | ||
| If you're an Israeli, a Palestinian, If you're a Palestinian Israeli, you can kill someone, they're not even a human, that is the other. | ||
| There's a fucking programming that exists in our mind because of all the tribal warfare human beings have gone through over hundreds of thousands of years. | ||
| When the time we were prehistoric humans, the time we were fucking modern humans, we have been killing each other for so fucking long that we have a program in us where it's easy to other people. | ||
| That's how the Holocaust happened. | ||
| That's how what's happening in Ukraine is happening. | ||
| What's happening in Israel is happening. | ||
| You can decide that someone is something other than a human being. | ||
| And they can get you to do that pretty fucking quickly. | ||
| If they tap into that mindset, they tap into that programming, they can give you a button. | ||
| They go, hit him. | ||
| But he said he's dying. | ||
| Hit him. | ||
| Hit him. | ||
| And they would hear the scream. | ||
| They would have them scream. | ||
| I have to say this with love. | ||
| Tom's dad was in the Vietnam War. | ||
| I don't think Tom's dad was a guy that wanted to ever kill anyone, but he had to in that programming. | ||
| The thing I think is there's a disconnect with where we as Americans look at things on social media and we think we're not that Karen. | ||
| We're not that person. | ||
| We'd never do it. | ||
| But until you're in that moment, you don't know. | ||
| You really don't know. | ||
| There's a lot of normal GIs in Vietnam that were raping fucking villagers. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| They didn't go in as monsters. | ||
| If you can't connect to the fact that that's in you, that's in you, then I think you're lying. | ||
| It's a possibility. | ||
| When you go into that, when you show up, you don't just go... | ||
| The training... | ||
| You do get trained to be a killer. | ||
| That whole speech of like, they are training you to see the enemy as the enemy and somebody you have to kill, right? | ||
| So it's not day one. | ||
| You're prepared over a series of months. | ||
| And it's a version of a brainwashing. | ||
| They brainwash you to become a killer. | ||
| Like, this is good. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| But there's a pattern that you can follow in your head where you can destroy another human being. | ||
| A thousand percent. | ||
| You know, and that's what Customato taught Mike Tyson. | ||
| He taught Mike Tyson that through hypnosis. | ||
| He taught him the most effective way to think and to view you don't exist. | ||
| He was telling them you're just, the task is the only thing that's important. | ||
| You don't exist. | ||
| Just the task of smashing this person is all that it is. | ||
| And if you can think like that, that alleviates so much brain power. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Alleviates the guilt. | ||
| And if you tell that to a soldier, you can get them to do some wild shit. | ||
| And they did. | ||
| And they do. | ||
| Your dad talked to you about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In later years, yeah. | ||
| I'm curious. | ||
| I would love to hear the insight your dad had about that. | ||
| As a son, hearing a dad going like, yeah, I just had to kill people. | ||
| My dad's never killed anyone. | ||
| But he had asthma. | ||
| But I'm curious because we're talking about this. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| As a son hearing the rationale, you have to accept it. | ||
| You have to figure it out. | ||
| Yeah, and he was a great dad and he was a really kind, loving guy. | ||
| But, I mean, first of all, he loved the Marine Corps. | ||
| He loved the Marine Corps. | ||
| Well, I would imagine the bonds you make when you're literally fighting for life and death. | ||
| And he's a lieutenant, so he has a platoon of 70 men under his command. | ||
| So you feel also the responsibility. | ||
| And he told me right before he died, in the last year of his life, that he thought about the men who died in his platoon every day. | ||
| And he'd never told me that before. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| He goes, every day. | ||
| I think about those guys that I lost. | ||
| Because I had no idea. | ||
| He never spoke about it. | ||
| And he would tell me stories about different guys dying next to him, stepping on a mine next to him, exploding three feet from him, getting shot. | ||
| The worst one, he said, was a guy that, to watch movies back then, you'd have to go to a base, get a film canister, and bring it back. | ||
| And in a monsoon season, one of those guys went to get films just for entertainment. | ||
| And he drowned in a monsoon on the way back. | ||
| What? | ||
| So it felt like a more meaningless death. | ||
| It wasn't in combat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Things like that. | ||
| He would talk about that. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Also, they do become... | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| They do get this disconnect if you're in combat. | ||
| Like, it's not like you talking about, could you kill someone? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You're in a world of killing. | ||
| That's all that's happening around you. | ||
| It's not could you. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| And so then he was just like, yeah. | ||
| That's when he started telling me. | ||
| Because I asked him as a kid. | ||
| I ended up doing a bit about it. | ||
| But I used to ask him as a kid. | ||
| Because you see wars. | ||
| You see wars. | ||
| And you're like, you see movies, and you're like, did you do that? | ||
| And as a kid, you're not going to tell the kids. | ||
| He was like, no, it didn't work like that. | ||
| I was in charge. | ||
| I was a lieutenant. | ||
| And then later years, he's like, well, I threw grenades in the bunkers. | ||
| And I was like, were there people in the bunkers? | ||
| And he was like, yeah. | ||
| Otherwise, why waste a grenade? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's like, oh, yeah. | ||
| And then he also said, I mean, it became like this joke, but it was true. | ||
| He said, you know, there's no better feeling than killing the enemy, right? | ||
| Like in combat. | ||
| Because they're all trying to kill the people around you. | ||
| And they are killing people around you. | ||
| So yeah, he said, you know, he said they would pull bodies out of these holes. | ||
| The Vietnamese were small people, stature-wise. | ||
| So they would hide in holes a lot of times. | ||
| Like holes in the ground. | ||
| And they would throw grenades into there. | ||
| And then when they'd pull them out, they'd be in half. | ||
| So they'd pull like a torso out. | ||
| But he also said, you know, Losing men left and right, like in your platoon. | ||
| I mean, it's devastating to you. | ||
| It's like the person you bonded with in basic training. | ||
| You're over there for a lie. | ||
| I think that's a part that a lot of people don't ever reconcile with. | ||
| That's got to be the hardest. | ||
| You're over there committing atrocities for a lie. | ||
| There's no reason for you to be there. | ||
| Like they're not here. | ||
| You're over there. | ||
| The Gulf of Tonkin incident wasn't real. | ||
| The Gulf of Tonkin, too, is something that even active-duty people at the time didn't realize until 20, 30 years. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, that's Smedley Butler, The War is a Racket. | ||
| That's his whole article that he wrote from 1933. You know, very established general. | ||
| At the end of his career, he writes what he was really doing, what he thought he was doing. | ||
| It was really just like making things safe for bankers. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Controlling resources. | ||
| This is 33. Wow. | ||
| It's called War is a Racket. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Making things safe for bankers. | ||
| I think you've talked about that before. | ||
| I've talked about it every time I can because people need to understand these patterns. | ||
| They're repeating themselves forever because they're a part of human behavior patterns. | ||
| These natural patterns that exist in order to enable us to survive. | ||
| To survive, you have to conquer your enemies, control resources, establish safe grounds, and that stuff can get out of hand if that's your whole business. | ||
| If that's your whole business, you've been doing that forever, then you find reasons to go to war. | ||
| That war machine. | ||
| The war machine. | ||
| Eisenhower talked about at the end of his presidential term. | ||
| That's how you get to Hillary Clinton. | ||
| It's still... | ||
| Wait, is your dad still alive? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is your dad still alive? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, allegedly. | |
| You know, my uncle, my dad was active duty on the ground. | ||
| My uncle flew over 600 missions in Vietnam. | ||
| Dropping bombs. | ||
| On your mom's Vietnam. | ||
| I mean, think about it. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't do that. | |
| Stand by that. | ||
| Think about those numbers, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
600 times? | |
| Wow. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Imagine being the guy in the plane that drops the fucking... | ||
| Nuke. | ||
| The first nuke. | ||
| Did you ever see the guy that did? | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| It fucked him up. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| No, one of them was like, that's just what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, but that guy just killed 150,000 people. | |
| But they didn't know if their plane was going to be able to get away from the bomb. | ||
| So they had to fucking fly crazy altitudes to try to get out of the bomb. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Like, first time. | ||
| You're not exactly sure. | ||
| Did you see Oppenheimer? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I read the book. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| You don't read. | ||
| I don't read. | ||
| I don't even read. | ||
| I do read. | ||
| Of course you do. | ||
| But I read like 10% of what I listen to. | ||
| Books on tape? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I wish you read for less. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| I wish you read less. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It'd be easier to hang out with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Am I hard to hang out with? | |
| Joe, you know too much, man. | ||
| You already knew me when I was stupid. | ||
| I know, I wish I got that Joe. | ||
| I got the early Joe, the dumb Joe. | ||
| That was my favorite Joe. | ||
| This Joe, like... | ||
| Before he discovered a book. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| I remember when you got curious. | ||
| I remember it. | ||
| I've been curious forever. | ||
| I didn't have a platform where I can get people to talk to me. | ||
| As long as you can keep it from moon landings or aliens or pyramids, you're good. | ||
| Leanne's always wondered, what's it like hanging out with Joe? | ||
| And I was like, I don't know, it's really hard to explain. | ||
| And then you hung out with her the other night. | ||
| I don't know what you were talking about because I just stopped listening. | ||
| But you were like, felt inclusions and Bob Lazar and the fucking... | ||
| Yeah, we were talking about this lady... | ||
| Diana Posolka who is on the podcast who is she's a religious scholar and she was talking about how There is a growing theory that these experienced people having with UFOs UAPs alien abductions This is not something from another planet. | ||
| It's something that's always been here. | ||
| It's an inter-dimensional being that there's a bunch of different variables that have to come into play for these things to be able to pass forth into our realm, but that they're somehow or another monitoring us and have always been. | ||
| And that these crash retrievals, they call them donations. | ||
| Best post-sex conversation I've ever had. | ||
| Hope Brogan was right. | ||
| I want to be angels with you up in heaven. | ||
| It was cool as fuck. | ||
| She hung out with Joe for fucking ten minutes and then we had sex and she was like, hey, I love that idea. | ||
| Those angels are real. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| I think if you stopped and thought about how many cultures believe in some greater power that's above everything that they intuitively know is guiding you in a moral and ethical direction, there's gotta be something to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something to it. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Suck my dick, Louis C.K. You're right. | ||
| He can suck my dick. | ||
| Why should he suck your dick? | ||
| Because he didn't believe in anything. | ||
| Well, that's a fair way to believe if you want to just do it based entirely on evidence. | ||
| That's a very reasonable perspective. | ||
| He's a total atheist. | ||
| Because he's like, you're just making up a reason. | ||
| It's this. | ||
| Yeah, but I like that more. | ||
| I like that more. | ||
| I think the universe is God. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| I think this idea of God creating the universe is silly. | ||
| I think the whole thing is God. | ||
| I think it's God in the fact that it's the entire creation of everything that exists that we can measure. | ||
| All of it is the universe. | ||
| And if you read the Bible, the Bible talks about in the beginning there was light. | ||
| Boy, that sounds a lot like the Big Bang. | ||
| Boy, that sounds a lot like the birth of the universe. | ||
| I think these fucking people that wrote the Bible were recounting stories that were told down through people that had a scientific understanding of the birth and death of the universe, just like we do now. | ||
| Maybe even more than we do now. | ||
| And then they got hit by asteroids. | ||
| And then it was thousands of years before civilization reestablished itself, and the stories had been told down, handed down, forever and ever. | ||
| And by the time people wrote them down, they were goofy. | ||
| And they were goofy, and it was like, God created the earth in six days, and the whole story of Adam and Eve. | ||
| And there's probably a lot to all of it that's true. | ||
| And it's probably a historical record that was told to people that were essentially barbarians that were surviving from the collapse of a superior civilization, superior to what we have today. | ||
| And there's a lot of real physical evidence of that. | ||
| There's a lot of archaeological evidence of that. | ||
| And it seems to be a direction that a lot of people are headed into when they understand how often we get hit with asteroids. | ||
| Somewhere around 11,800 years ago we got pelted and it stopped civilization in its tracks and we had to rebuild from scratch. | ||
| And the people that survived were probably monsters. | ||
| Monsters. | ||
| The Mongols and the fucking hordes and the barbarians. | ||
| They were the most harsh people because that was the only way you survived because there was no longer a technologically advanced civilization. | ||
| It was all just barbarism and there's very few animals to eat because there's a nuclear winter because the sky is filled with the impact of this massive meteor that slams into earth and kills 70% of all the people. | ||
| And then about 6,000 years later, they start figuring out mathematics again. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is why I listen to this podcast. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| You grew up religious. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| What is your take on God? | ||
| You gave up your Lord. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They said the years were different. | ||
| So when they said it was created 5,000 years ago, they're like, that's our understanding of the years. | ||
| They're like, this guy lived to 260. But that's just, I don't know, some seasons passed. | ||
| When they wrote that, they didn't even have a sundial. | ||
| Right, so they're like, how old are you? | ||
| Like, I don't know, we don't have calendars. | ||
| But are you a believer in a higher power? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Why? | ||
| What do you mean why? | ||
| What happens when you die? | ||
| There's no why to a belief. | ||
| What happens when you die? | ||
| When you die, I want to forget you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know I've worked really hard, so that doesn't happen. | |
| You know, that's one of my biggest things about working is I wonder, because they say you die twice. | ||
| You die when you die, and then you die when the last person that remembers you dies. | ||
| I try to go to graveyards. | ||
| I try to look at the graveyards and see who they are and try to say their name and keep them alive a little longer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's creepy. | ||
| Sometimes I call my dead friends on their cell phone numbers. | ||
| Did they ever answer? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| They never got that number again? | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I don't like the death thing. | ||
| I don't believe in it. | ||
| You don't believe in death? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have one phone that I keep active because I have a text message chain from Anthony Bourdain and a voicemail from a buddy who might have died. | ||
| The pool player? | ||
| No, Dave Dolan, my private investigator friend. | ||
| He was the funniest guy I ever met that never did stand-up. | ||
| I was an amateur comic and he was a private investigator that lost his driver's license because he was drunk driving. | ||
| So he needed an assistant. | ||
| And so he really just needed someone to drive him. | ||
| And so I was like, private investigator's assistant? | ||
| That'd be a cool job. | ||
| So I started working for this guy. | ||
| And he died a few years back when he left me a voicemail. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| What was the last text Anthony Bourdain sent you? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Please let him call you. | ||
| No, there was a restaurant and I took a photo of this chef that was prominently figured on the wall. | ||
| I go, who's this guy? | ||
| And it's Marco Pierre White. | ||
| You know who he is? | ||
| Google that guy. | ||
| He's one of the most extraordinary chefs that's like ever existed. | ||
| He's like a true artistic genius that's a chef. | ||
| Where's he based out of? | ||
| Yeah, he's English. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| He's a really fascinating guy. | ||
| There's a ton of videos of him talking about food. | ||
| The way he approaches food is the way Rembrandt approached paintings. | ||
| I love this guy. | ||
| He's a wizard. | ||
| I mean, he's legitimate. | ||
| He's 100% all-in. | ||
| I believe now the way he sets up these insane restaurants, and I think one of them he's using now from a farm, if I remember correctly, that he runs. | ||
| He's certainly done that in the past, where they source all of their ingredients, everything. | ||
| Love it, love it, love it. | ||
| And they set the menu. | ||
| I mean, it's cuisine taken to a level of precision that it just doesn't... | ||
| It's not just food. | ||
| The food experience I had in Asia, by the way, was unbelievable. | ||
| Yeah, I saw your post. | ||
| It was unbelievable. | ||
| So how did you know where to go? | ||
| A lot of it was that Phillip Lee was there, our friend Phillip Lee, the chef. | ||
| He was in Tokyo. | ||
| Tell you where to go. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| And he had been there a month. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| And so we went to an omakase sushi place for lunch that I was like, this is absolutely insane. | ||
| A teppanyaki place at a hotel. | ||
| Here's one of the things... | ||
| Oh, my dick's hard. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So teppanyaki... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Oh, he said this thing that I was like, oh, I didn't realize this. | ||
| That in the States, a lot of times when you stay at a hotel, you go, we gotta get out of the hotel to find something good to eat, right? | ||
| Like the hotel restaurant, you're like, is shit? | ||
| But the thing in Tokyo is that hotels, like your fucking Hyatt Hotel has a restaurant that you're like, I wish I could eat here every night. | ||
| It's that thing of the ingredient is the star. | ||
| So like a salad, you have a basic salad, the tomato is like the best tomato you've ever had, the lettuce is... | ||
| We had king crab, they go, do you want king crab at this teppanyaki place? | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Yeah, like king crab. | ||
| And I'm thinking of it all the times I've had it before. | ||
| And they bring it out raw. | ||
| It had just been brought in from a ship earlier that day. | ||
| And then they just season it, put a little butter on the griddle there, and prepare it. | ||
| It was the best. | ||
| I'd never had anything like that before. | ||
| The Wagyu Mafia, which is like... | ||
| A theater performance. | ||
| It's six table top, and it's just 13 different variations of Wagyu beef. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, and then we went to Hong Kong, and we had, there's this place called New Punjab Club. | ||
| It's a one-star Michelin place Indian food that was... | ||
| What's one-star mean? | ||
| So one star, it's like, yeah, there's three star possibilities. | ||
| So one star is that this is, if it's accessible to you, it's worth going to eat here. | ||
| Two stars is like, it's worth going out of your way to eat here. | ||
| Three stars is it's worth making a trip to go to this place just to eat here. | ||
| I went to one of those. | ||
| Yeah, we went to a three star in Singapore that was called Zen that was just unbelievable. | ||
| But in Hong Kong, that Indian place, their kitchen Was smaller than the space we're in right now. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| How many seats? | ||
| They had probably six tables. | ||
| And they had a cylinder, like a ceramic cylinder. | ||
| They brought us into the kitchen with coal down there. | ||
| And they just take sticks and they put them in there with chicken and beef and everything. | ||
| And it gets to like, I don't know, a thousand degrees in there. | ||
| But every dish came out and you're like, this is... | ||
| Everything we ate was like, this is the best thing I've ever eaten, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| But the three star in Singapore really was one of those experiences where the experience starts when you walk in. | ||
| When you walk in. | ||
| You know, see a waiting room experience. | ||
| Did you ever see the movie The Menu? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Isn't it amazing? | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| That's such a good movie. | ||
| Me and Bobby Kelly went to Noma in Copenhagen. | ||
| No. | ||
| Noma's the motherfucker, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like best restaurant three out of five years. | ||
| And the guy was like, we were at a festival. | ||
| He's like, let's just go see it. | ||
| They ain't gonna get you in. | ||
| And they go, hey, these guys are comedians visiting. | ||
| Wait, hold on. | ||
| Is this pre-lap band surgery? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah! | ||
| And anyway, I got a call. | ||
| I'm taking a nap. | ||
| I'm taking a nap to get a call. | ||
| We got a cancellation for lunch. | ||
| You want to come in? | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| I called Bobby. | ||
| He's with the promoter. | ||
| Bobby's like, nah, we had a shorter pizza. | ||
| And the guy hit him in the face and said, put that pizza down and go over there right now. | ||
| And Bobby said, I'll eat the pizza also. | ||
| 26 course lunch. | ||
| They don't have lemons because it's not local. | ||
| Everything's local, yeah. | ||
| So we use ants that give you that lemony zest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ants. | |
| Fried moss. | ||
| Ants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ants. | |
| There was a pairing, a booze pairing, fried moss. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| There was a booze pairing, Bobby's like, I'm an alcoholic, can't eat because we have a juice pairing for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's no level that they won't Accommodate to make the experience. | |
| Where we were in the kitchen, there were three guys peeling walnuts. | ||
| The little brown casing on a walnut. | ||
| And I was like, who are those guys? | ||
| They're high-level chefs. | ||
| I'm like, what are they doing? | ||
| They don't want that shit getting stuck in your teeth. | ||
| This is one of the things you wish you could share. | ||
| Yeah, the ants right there. | ||
| You wish you could share this experience with everybody. | ||
| Like, just so they get to have something like this. | ||
| Oh, that fucking ants! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you just do it. | ||
| You don't think twice. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Alright, what's better? | ||
| Sushi in Japan, or like that high-end sushi, or pasta in Europe? | ||
| When you're in Italy... | ||
| Yeah, low-level food's good, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why does everything have to be a competition with you, Bert? | |
| I'm just trying to start a conversation. | ||
| I want you to pick teams. | ||
| Yeah, some of that shit's great, too. | ||
| A local, small, good sandwich in France. | ||
| Ham-made pasta, ham-made tortillas. | ||
| Listen, man, if I had two foods to choose for the rest of my life, only based on flavor, it's Italian and Mexican. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Italian's great, but I like to get drunk. | ||
| I like a fucking burrito. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, more tortillas are fucking next up. | ||
| Remember those chicken burritos we used to get in San Diego when we go to La Jolla? | ||
| Don Carlos? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Did you ever go to... | ||
| That's like that really watery red sauce that was on the chicken... | ||
| Oh my god, that's insane. | ||
| Yuka's on Vermont in LA? No. | ||
| It's a parking lot with a, like a hut, like a stand, like where you would go to get a parking ticket. | ||
| That's the kitchen. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And she got the James Beard Award. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really. | |
| And it's like, just tacos the way she made them in Yucatown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And I guarantee you those high-level chefs from that would love to eat at Yucca's. | ||
| Bro, if it wasn't for the fact that it's not good for you, I'd be eating Mexican food every day. | ||
| Mexican food and Italian food. | ||
| I'd be eating linguine and clams. | ||
| If food was just calories purely and there was no nutrition at all. | ||
| That's the whole restaurant, dude. | ||
| There was no concern with what's good for your body and bad for your body. | ||
| Oh my god, I've been eating pizza and pasta all day long. | ||
| There's nothing better than pizza. | ||
| I've been eating lasagna. | ||
| If food was all just, every food was equal. | ||
| A rigatoni norcino. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| What's the one with the egg yolk in it? | ||
| I'm hungry right now. | ||
| Oh yeah, they mix it up. | ||
| Carbonara. | ||
| Carbonara is the fucking greatest. | ||
| Have you eaten at Felix in Venice? | ||
| No, I've never been there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Luizus. | |
| Evan Funky. | ||
| He's got three restaurants now. | ||
| He's got Mother Wolf, he's got Funky. | ||
| I've been to Mother Wolf, and that's fucking awesome in Hollywood. | ||
| I don't even think about going gluten-free when I go to that joint. | ||
| Mother Wolf is the shit. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah, I let that carnivore diet go fuck itself. | ||
| We're here for mouth pleasure. | ||
| Evan is a wizard. | ||
| He's been on the podcast before. | ||
| He has? | ||
| Yeah, he's a wizard. | ||
| It's just when you see it, they're artists about it. | ||
| They're thinking about it at another level. | ||
| Brother, Roy Choi, friend of Tom. | ||
| Tom and I used to do dinner with Roy Choi all the time. | ||
| He lived next door to me. | ||
| He revolutionized taco trucks. | ||
| Good from the Bourdain. | ||
| He said to me one time, we went to dinner for his daughter's birthday, and he said, what do you have for dinner? | ||
| And he said, I'm going vegan. | ||
| I said, really? | ||
| He said, I'm going vegan for a year, because I feel like meat has dominated my palate, and I want to really challenge my palate to find flavor again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then you go, wow, that's... | |
| Dedication to the craft, really. | ||
| That's fucking next level, man. | ||
| That's the fucking thing. | ||
| I couldn't do that. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, boy, dumb. | ||
| Go eat squash for a year, stupid. | ||
| I can eat ribeye steaks 365 days a year. | ||
| I'll be fine. | ||
| You gave me two Zins. | ||
| Yeah, let's go. | ||
| No, they're rogues. | ||
| They're two rogues. | ||
| Tommy, you turned me on to these. | ||
| They're the best. | ||
| I know you are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, let's do it. | |
| I'm not even an asshole. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Pass me two. | ||
| I'm into 24 milligrams. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| It dropped on the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dropped on the ground. | |
| I take it off the fucking ground. | ||
| I take it off the ground. | ||
| Don't be scared. | ||
| There's only random people from all walks of life. | ||
| I already sat that seat many times. | ||
| It's not the safest. | ||
| I'm not in love with the seating choice for Protect My Parks. | ||
| I'm not in love with the seating choice for Protect My Parks. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I like where you are. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| Switch it up. | ||
| I'm not in love with sunglasses either. | ||
| No, they have to go sunglasses when they get fucked up. | ||
| It lets Shane be Shane. | ||
| It lets Tim Dillon be Tim Dillon. | ||
| You gotta give a man the option of sunglasses. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| It's like how a lot of people... | ||
| Look at that cock. | ||
| Here, let me show you mine. | ||
| He's gonna piss into a jar. | ||
| You know there's a bathroom out there? | ||
| Wait, a closer one? | ||
| Ari, Ari. | ||
| No, it's not a closer one. | ||
| No, don't do that. | ||
| You got a lot of sack, bro. | ||
| I got a lot of sack. | ||
| What a great dick. | ||
| Your sack looks like you lost 500 pounds. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You had like 80 pounds in your sack. | ||
| Let's see yours. | ||
| Let's see yours. | ||
| Joe, let's go viral. | ||
| Let's go viral. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I'm not showing my dick. | ||
| I'm a grown man. | ||
| Are your balls bigger than your dick? | ||
| No, they're regular. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you have a hard time cumming? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| For real? | ||
| No. | ||
| What do you think about when you cum? | ||
| I really don't have a thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, man. | |
| Don't piss into the fucking... | ||
| Why don't you go to the bathroom? | ||
| Just pinch your dick. | ||
| Go out there. | ||
| Take your headphones off and go walk out. | ||
| Ari, go walk out. | ||
| Don't piss in my mug. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll take it. | |
| Just walk them both out now. | ||
| Like, you should have just left before. | ||
| How much piss do you have left in you? | ||
| Do you really have a good gauge? | ||
| Yeah, it's done. | ||
| I was going to get the top of the bubbles. | ||
| I can just tell you that when you have to piss and you do piss, it's one of the great feelings of life. | ||
| It feels so good. | ||
| It's so good, and it's one of those things we're ashamed of so we don't talk about it. | ||
| We really appreciate a good, solid piss. | ||
| Have you been drinking beer? | ||
| Zip it up. | ||
| Don't zip your dick in your... | ||
| How many times have you done that? | ||
| Caught your dick in your zipper? | ||
| Yeah, I've done that. | ||
| It's horrific. | ||
| That stopped me from going bareback. | ||
| I thought bareback was a wild person's way to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I don't need no fucking underwear. | ||
| I'm not a pussy. | ||
| Do you know underwear? | ||
| A couple times I caught my dick in my zipper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He never does. | |
| I don't want underwear. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I know, I pull your dick out in front of everybody at Vulcan. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You did? | ||
| I pantsed him. | ||
| I pantsed him during Kill Tony. | ||
| His ass was hanging out. | ||
| I was like, let's go. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| You get a little shaft caught in a zipper, that'll change you. | ||
| That'll do. | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| You need underwear. | ||
| You need underwear. | ||
| Underwear are important. | ||
| Keep it together. | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Okay. | ||
| You just feel great, though, huh? | ||
| Especially in a suit pant. | ||
| You feel like a wild person. | ||
| Remember those days where the girls were getting caught getting out of limos with their pussies? | ||
| On purpose. | ||
| Because the camera was down. | ||
| The camera was literally focused on their vagina. | ||
| Like down low. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| It's like a wildlife photographer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yeah, kids are a falcon. | ||
| See if these fucking jaguars are going to come out of that. | ||
| They did it. | ||
| It was like they figured out how to be viral early on. | ||
| Just show your pussy. | ||
| That was so fascinating to me when I learned that a lot of those people that are always in paparazzi, that they give a heads up to the paparazzi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You know, I didn't know that originally. | ||
| You're like, oh. | ||
| They call. | ||
| They're like, I'm going here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Hey, I'm having a beard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm dating. | |
| And then they go, ugh. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| How do you deal with paparazzi? | ||
| How do I deal with them? | ||
| Do you engage or do you just tap out? | ||
| I mean, the only thing I think I deal with is probably autographed people. | ||
| You've never had, like, paparazzi come up to you? | ||
| Yeah, I did it on Melrose in L.A., but they're not, like, here. | ||
| But are you generous, or are you just, like, go fuck yourself? | ||
| The TMZ guys are good guys. | ||
| They're good guys. | ||
| I've known a few of them that were comics. | ||
| That guy got his headphones? | ||
| Yeah, they're good guys. | ||
| Just trying to make a buck. | ||
| Just making money. | ||
| I was talking to some hot foreign chick at the patio of the store, and I was just coming up, and the guy was like, hey, man, when you're done with the date, can I get an interview with you, TMZ? I was like, yeah, sure. | ||
| I talked to her for another 20 minutes, then she left, and I was like, you don't really want anybody. | ||
| I was like, no, I was trying to make you look cool. | ||
| I was like, nice! | ||
| That was fucking awesome. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| There was like 20 of them outside of a store once, and then they all surrounded me, and I was like, you're not here for me. | ||
| And they're like, no, so-and-so is shopping over here. | ||
| But they're just nice. | ||
| Yeah, most of them are just people, man. | ||
| And then they also get abused all the time. | ||
| But some of them are fucking creeps. | ||
| Some of them are just invading privacy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, there's people that have tapped into people's phones. | |
| This shit's crazy. | ||
| Tapped into their emails. | ||
| You worried about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| I assume everyone is listening to every phone call I make. | ||
| Do you think of that when you text? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I think of that. | ||
| Yeah, and I still send memes. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| I'll defend these in court, bitch. | ||
| These are funny. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Pete Lee? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pete Lee. | ||
| You know the story maybe better than I do. | ||
| Or the comic? | ||
| No, Pete Lee, the comic. | ||
| He had a stalker who was trying to kill him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh boy. | |
| And it was really bad. | ||
| It had to go to court. | ||
| And he had talked apparently about a stalker on Legion of Skanks. | ||
| And they read the transcripts of Legion of Skanks in court. | ||
| No. | ||
| And it murdered. | ||
| Everyone was laughing hysterically. | ||
| Everyone was laughing hysterically. | ||
| And they're like, fuck, this guy's guilty. | ||
| Yo, did you hear the story Norton told on the podcast? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Norton had a legal issue with this guy that he criticized on the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| And he read this... | ||
| Wait, go into detail. | ||
| Go into detail. | ||
| I'm doing that. | ||
| They read the transcript during the podcast, and people were laughing, and the guy got humiliated, so he decided to settle the case. | ||
| That guy went on to shoot a judge's son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He went to the house, pretending he was like a delivery guy, and shot the son of this judge that he was trying to kill the judge. | ||
| And then she got away or she wasn't there. | ||
| I don't remember what happened. | ||
| But this is the same guy that Norton was involved in a lawsuit with for making fun of. | ||
| He was a woman's advocate or a man's advocate. | ||
| Men's rights advocate. | ||
| So I think he's the same person that protested Eliza, if I'm not mistaken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For what? | |
| For having an all-female show for a woman? | ||
| Suspect in fatal shooting at home of Judge Esther Salas described himself as an anti-feminist lawyer once argued a case before the judge. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Esther's a female in the name. | ||
| Yeah, well, she was a female judge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He showed up at her house and fucking killed her son. | |
| It's so crazy, man. | ||
| That's really scary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| I love that Norman, or that Jim Norton is happy. | ||
| I'm glad you love that he's happy. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love seeing him happy, man. | ||
| It makes me so happy. | ||
| Another glass of water for you? | ||
| I was worried you were going to go piss in that. | ||
| Yeah, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Guys, grow the fuck up. | ||
| Whoa, grow the fuck up. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| You look kind of like Bobby Fischer. | ||
| What a weird thing to say. | ||
| Everybody pees. | ||
| With a solid glass of piss right next to your right arm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing he's doing with his wife on YouTube? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm glad you love it. | ||
| I love it, man. | ||
| I love, I love, I'll say this out loud, I love seeing people succeed. | ||
| I love seeing people win. | ||
| I love flowers. | ||
| Jim's underrated. | ||
| Hardcore. | ||
| He's underrated. | ||
| He's one of the best comics of our generation. | ||
| His heyday on Opie and Anthony. | ||
| He made Opie and Anthony. | ||
| He made it. | ||
| That's an understatement right there. | ||
| He made it. | ||
| It was weird to me that it was Opie and Anthony and Jim was on it. | ||
| I was like, it seems kind of weird. | ||
| I think they had their show for years before. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It wasn't what it was until Jim showed up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were in Boston. | ||
| They would never have had the comedians they had. | ||
| I mean, respectfully, I love Opie and Anthony. | ||
| I love those guys. | ||
| I was a fan of the show. | ||
| But that group of comics that was on it, the reason this podcast is what it is today, in all fairness, is because of that fucking show, but it's also because of Jim. | ||
| Yeah, it's because that show gave people the opportunity to just hang out. | ||
| And I remember when Ari and I used to do it in the early days, it was just like, this is a place where you could just hang out with comics. | ||
| There was no script. | ||
| There was no script. | ||
| They just allowed us to fuck around. | ||
| And also, they were cool about, like, you were a headliner and a name, and they were like, who's this? | ||
| Like, is it my opener? | ||
| Is it a comic? | ||
| Give him a mic. | ||
| Yeah, I would tell them, I got a funny guy who's coming with me. | ||
| I'm going to bring him in. | ||
| They'd be like, cool, perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tommy. | |
| Tommy's one of those guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I bombed so hard on that show. | |
| Really? | ||
| How'd you bomb? | ||
| I was totally not ready for it. | ||
| I was not a fan of the show. | ||
| Oh, you didn't know? | ||
| I knew about the show, but I didn't listen to it. | ||
| I didn't know about it. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And I went in there, and I said a couple words, and I just kind of sat in the pocket. | ||
| And then Ricky Gervais came in. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And then I started talking to Ricky as the show was going on. | ||
| Just like, hey, what's going on? | ||
| I was like, I'll do that episode. | ||
| Oh no, while the show was happening? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Did you realize your mic was on? | ||
| Eh, kinda. | ||
| And then Ricky and I just kept talking and then I'd look over and I'd see the guys like, What are you fucking doing? | ||
| You might be the most epically, in retrospect, horrific comic to ever do radio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Without a doubt. | ||
| Because Tom has never given a fuck about anything ever in his life. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| So when you did Bob and Tom, they'd write out your things you want to say, and Tom was like, I'll just figure it out. | ||
| You never gave a fuck. | ||
| They asked me to do that, too. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not doing that. | ||
| The producers got really upset. | ||
| They upset, like... | ||
| And I go, we're going to figure it out. | ||
| I'm not that kind of comic. | ||
| They didn't like it. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| You're doing some 1985 nonsense. | ||
| They didn't like that at all. | ||
| And this is not 1985. Get out of here. | ||
| They were nice, but they were... | ||
| Tom was doing that before anyone else. | ||
| Like, with absolute love. | ||
| When you see all the comics coming on and fucking up radio and TV that they're doing now, it's a little bit based on the fact that you really did not give a fuck. | ||
| Hang on. | ||
| A lot of guys didn't. | ||
| Including Tracy Morgan. | ||
| Tracy Morgan, hold on. | ||
| Tracy Morgan's better than anyone. | ||
| He was slapping Bunny out his belly. | ||
| He was like, someone's getting pregnant. | ||
| Someone's getting pregnant. | ||
| He would be slapping his belly. | ||
| That's my main call. | ||
| My philosophy on it was basically... | ||
| I think podcasts, radio, television all can go really well based on the host's interest. | ||
| And so what I had was I had a real personal fuck you to a host that was like, I don't really care who you are or what you're doing here. | ||
| This is what we do. | ||
| And so if they were like, you're at the club this week? | ||
| I would go, yeah. | ||
| And then they were like, be funny. | ||
| I'd be like, why don't you go suck your fucking mom's dick? | ||
| And then they would go like, what's happening? | ||
| That's a business partner right there. | ||
| So that's why you came out with DJ Dad Mouth? | ||
| That was why DJ Dad Mouth came out. | ||
| So it came out to this specific person? | ||
| That came out just because I was like, I don't want to do this. | ||
| Morning TV never did anything. | ||
| I don't want to do this. | ||
| It never helped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Only contractually obligated? | |
| What they would end up doing is, the funny bones would go, hey, if you would do this, we bring people every week. | ||
| No matter whether they're big or small, selling tickets or not. | ||
| So when I started to sell tickets, they'd be like, oh, your shows are sold out this week. | ||
| I'd be like, cool. | ||
| And you're doing Good Morning Hartford tomorrow. | ||
| And I'd be like, why? | ||
| And they're like, because we do it every week. | ||
| And I'd go, but it's not to sell tickets, right? | ||
| Because the tickets are sold. | ||
| It's just to promote the club. | ||
| Yeah, so they're like, no, but get up at 5 and go do it. | ||
| And I'm like, all right. | ||
| So that kind of came from that. | ||
| But before that, I'm saying, even like I did Kimmel last night, When you go there, you do a pre-interview with a producer, it still rides on the fact that he's engaged and wants it to go well. | ||
| And he totally was, and it was really fun, and it went well. | ||
| But in the radio days, a lot of times those radio hosts Sometimes there's like the Philly guys, Preston and Steve. | ||
| Preston and Steve are good. | ||
| So they come in, like you come in and they're like, they know questions, they know what you've been doing. | ||
| So that makes the experience fun. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| They're happy to see you. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| But you go into places where they're just like, they're literally like, you're born in Cincinnati? | ||
| And you go... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they'll go... | ||
| Trying to lead you. | ||
| Yeah, so tell us something about that. | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| It's a place. | ||
| I didn't go... | ||
| It's in Ohio. | ||
| If I left that place and you, the host, were like, I didn't really like you, I'd be like, I don't give a shit that you don't like me. | ||
| I'm not here to fucking dance with you, man. | ||
| You have ridden that horse into the grave. | ||
| I love that about you, is that you gotta remember, this was before... | ||
| When you were doing that... | ||
| The only white, no one white person was doing that. | ||
| Tracy Morgan, as a famous person, would go in and be wild on things, and everyone would fucking love it. | ||
| We'd share it with each other. | ||
| Yeah, Tracy was the best. | ||
| Tom was doing it in earnest. | ||
| Like, fuck off. | ||
| I knew at the same time I was going to the same places and being like, oh god, please play a Tracy Morgan one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at me on that. | |
| I'm handsome. | ||
| Now I can see why I got so many kids. | ||
| Texas El Paso, I'm telling you, man, I went to Jaguars last night. | ||
| I love my ladies here. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Yeah, so again, not family. | ||
| Somebody gonna get pregnant. | ||
| Somebody gonna get pregnant while I'm in town. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two days, watch. | |
| Two days, somebody gonna get pregnant. | ||
| So, yeah, Trace. | ||
| It's always these guys, you know? | ||
| It's the same guy in every market. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| But they're loving it. | ||
| They're loving it. | ||
| And Tom would go in and do that. | ||
| But he would do it his own way, you know? | ||
| And it was so fucking... | ||
| Awesome, man. | ||
| Because so many of us, myself included, would just suck a dick and be like, No, I disagree. | ||
| What you would do is you would go in with fun energy and you go, I'm going to make this fun. | ||
| I would drink on those. | ||
| You go, yeah, bloat in his eyes. | ||
| You go, I'd make fun. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| I got a hard month coming. | ||
| What's your hard month? | ||
| We're celebrating Tommy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| In February? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, don't bring it to me. | ||
| We're trying to do in February. | ||
| I'm doing stuff. | ||
| I was trying to move to London to let those bitches know. | ||
| Hey, are you guys going to run our 5K? Wait, is it a specific place or just wherever you are? | ||
| I want to bike it. | ||
| 5K by May. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Jelly Roll's doing it. | ||
| Cam Haynes is doing it. | ||
| Is it a specific place or just anywhere? | ||
| We're going to do a 5K. Where? | ||
| We're picking a spot. | ||
| We haven't announced it yet. | ||
| Let's do it in Australia. | ||
| Louie's doing it. | ||
| Great call. | ||
| Stavi's doing it. | ||
| They're all going to run. | ||
| Tim Dillon's doing it. | ||
| No, Tim Dillon's not. | ||
| Tim Dillon's not going to. | ||
| You're trying to kill him right now. | ||
| Tim Dillon's going to have a headache. | ||
| Tim Dillon's not doing it. | ||
| Tim Dillon's doing it. | ||
| Tim Dillon's planning on doing it. | ||
| Tim Dillon's not doing it. | ||
| Shane Gillis is doing it. | ||
| Louis C.K. is doing it. | ||
| That's three and a half miles. | ||
| They're not doing it. | ||
| It says 3.1, buddy. | ||
| Tim Dillon's not doing it. | ||
| He said he would. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Is there a first place prize? | ||
| That was funny. | ||
| No, it's just completed, I think. | ||
| I just remembered the best radio one was when I went in. | ||
| Do you ever have somebody and they go, sit here, and they're doing a thing. | ||
| Just waiting? | ||
| Yeah, just waiting. | ||
| We're coming back from break. | ||
| All right. | ||
| So then they walk you in the room and they sit you here. | ||
| Then the guy could not be less interested. | ||
| He's like reading the paper. | ||
| What radio station? | ||
| Tell it. | ||
| Tell it. | ||
| It's in the Northeast. | ||
| It's a long time ago. | ||
| But he goes, all right, we'll be back from the break in 30 seconds. | ||
| And I go, okay. | ||
| He goes, then just take over. | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| He goes, just take over. | ||
| And I go, what are you talking about? | ||
| He goes, it's just your show. | ||
| You have shows this weekend. | ||
| Just do whatever you want to do. | ||
| And I go, I'm not going to do anything. | ||
| And then it's like 10 seconds. | ||
| He's like, what do you mean you're not going to do anything? | ||
| I go, I'm not going to do anything. | ||
| I go, if you don't ask me something, I'm not gonna say a single fucking word. | ||
| And he goes, uh... | ||
| Then he goes, uh... | ||
| All respect, he goes, uh... | ||
| Bobby Lee was here last week, and he took all his clothes off. | ||
| I go, how'd that play on radio? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was that a fucking hit for your audience? | |
| And then it was like, you're on. | ||
| And this guy was fucking scrambling. | ||
| Like, freaking out. | ||
| He read my fake bio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fake bio? | |
| I had a fake bio. | ||
| Yeah, that's his internet. | ||
| Footprint. | ||
| So it was all like made up and it was like, you played for the Bengals? | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| So he's asking me all the fake questions and he starts sweating. | ||
| He starts sweating and he has his co-host who doesn't know how to also navigate. | ||
| But they were just, to me, they embodied like lazy, disinterested. | ||
| And, you know, they were like unhappy in this market doing what they do, and they were just like, take over. | ||
| And I was like, fuck you. | ||
| It's the best thing about him. | ||
| I would have scrambled. | ||
| He really doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| You just go, no, that's not cool. | ||
| You realize how many times, me and you, maybe, I'm saying maybe not me and you, but like, just went in and did the dance. | ||
| And that's why... | ||
| I look up to you because it's the coolest thing about you is that you really don't give a fuck. | ||
| That is nice. | ||
| It's so cool to not give a fuck. | ||
| It's so sexy. | ||
| Like, it's not... | ||
| When you give a fuck, it's a little sad sometimes. | ||
| I think I give a fuck about certain things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't give a fuck. | |
| Yeah, yeah, right. | ||
| But what you don't give a fuck about... | ||
| Tom, I don't know if you've read your comments. | ||
| You do not give a fuck. | ||
| You do not give a fuck. | ||
| You give the perfect amount of fucks. | ||
| I think it's like a balance. | ||
| It's the right balance. | ||
| No, it's detrimental. | ||
| To what? | ||
| To him. | ||
| How so? | ||
| If I read his comments, I'd be like, start giving a fuck. | ||
| Yeah, but who's writing those comments? | ||
| You can't read comments. | ||
| I do. | ||
| The people that are writing them, you get a disproportionate amount of failures. | ||
| You're getting a disproportionate amount of people that are just—yeah, for sure. | ||
| But it's not—if you're trying to get like a control study of the population, general population, if you're doing a pharmaceutical study, you have a bunch of old people, a bunch of young people, different walks of life. | ||
| You're going to do it right. | ||
| You do it with a bunch of biological variability. | ||
| The variability of people that are wanting to comment negatively online is like, you can find those people. | ||
| They don't have their shit together. | ||
| That's the people with dizziness. | ||
| Some of them are kids. | ||
| Just ignore them. | ||
| A lot of them are kids. | ||
| Look at the positive ones. | ||
| They're real young. | ||
| Some of them, they think it's fun. | ||
| They're trying to get a reaction. | ||
| They don't know what to do. | ||
| They just try to shit on you and see if you respond. | ||
| It's a nonsense way to communicate. | ||
| You don't know who they are. | ||
| You don't know what their background is. | ||
| You don't know whether their opinion is valid. | ||
| You're accepting negativity and human beings have a natural propensity to look towards negative things because your brain is programmed to look for intruders and dangerous things. | ||
| So you could look at 100 people in your village that you love, but you see one person that doesn't love you that's standing on a hillside 50 yards away and you get scared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Like, oh shit. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| And that's what that is. | ||
| That's what comments are. | ||
| You're hijacking your natural system. | ||
| That's why I love them. | ||
| I think even the positive ones are better. | ||
| That's why I love them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| Because I remember there was a time I was getting negative. | ||
| When the movie came out, I was getting a lot of negative shit. | ||
| And I texted Tommy. | ||
| I was like, can you just take a look at it and see if it's real? | ||
| You know, because I can't look at it. | ||
| It fucks me up. | ||
| So I just stopped looking at it. | ||
| I hired someone to do it for me. | ||
| But I don't trust them. | ||
| I don't trust them. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Just to monitor them. | ||
| And then Tommy read them and he's like, that's actually kind of sweet. | ||
| You're like, it's not that bad. | ||
| And I was like, oh, for real? | ||
| And he's like, yeah, I love that. | ||
| You're gonna have a certain amount of people that fucking hate everything. | ||
| Because you're big. | ||
| Like we were talking in the green room the other night. | ||
| I was talking about this person who wrote this... | ||
| They were talking about an all-time great guitarist. | ||
| And they said Hendrix was mostly noise. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard anybody say. | ||
| That's trying to be abrasive. | ||
| It's like, no, you like him, you just don't like him as much as everyone else does. | ||
| No, it's just a contrarian perspective. | ||
| A lot of people like to do that, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy sucks. | ||
| They don't suck. | ||
| You think they're a B+. And it's also fun. | ||
| Don't you think it's fun sometimes just to provoke? | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| No, not me, not me. | ||
| Definitely you are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's fun. | |
| Yeah, you're number one at that. | ||
| You love it. | ||
| Just to provoke. | ||
| Just like, let me get a rise out of you. | ||
| Yeah, it's a fun way to initiate a conversation. | ||
| Yeah, not me. | ||
| I like, I just, I cruise by. | ||
| Try to keep my head down. | ||
| Read those comments, huh? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| You just said you do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| I read Tommy's comments. | ||
| I read Tommy's comments. | ||
| You don't read yours? | ||
| No, I do not. | ||
| Not ever? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Every now and then. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Late at night, taking a shit, three in the morning. | ||
| Never. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up. | |
| Never read yours? | ||
| I never. | ||
| I'm pretty happy about this post. | ||
| Let me see if it's positive. | ||
| Let me see if people have a good thing to say. | ||
| No. | ||
| So wait, why would you believe I didn't? | ||
| Because I'm different than you. | ||
| How so? | ||
| Don't you think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| You think we're the same? | ||
| I think we're so similar. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Buddy, me and you, if we slept in bed together, we'd fight over the sheets. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I'm not a sheet fighter. | ||
| I would want you to have an equitable amount of the sheets. | ||
| I would assume there's enough sheets for two people. | ||
| You're a twin. | ||
| You have to identify with me a little bit. | ||
| I know I drive you nuts. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I know I drive you nuts at times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you guys feel about what he's saying? | |
| We're the same thing? | ||
| I think there's similarities in everyone, but I think you're pretty different people. | ||
| As far removed as can stay in my friend group, I told you what I think. | ||
| Can I tell you how I feel about you? | ||
| - Put down. | ||
| - Good stare down. | ||
| - Can I tell you how I feel about you? - Let's stare down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- Can I tell you how I feel you? | |
| When Nate Diaz says, "I didn't get bullied, I had a big brother." I think you're my big brother. | ||
| Aw, sweetie. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I feel like I have a big brother. | ||
| I've said that to you and I've said that to you. | ||
| I think you guys approach things very differently. | ||
| We do. | ||
| And I think I drive you fucking nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, you don't. | |
| I have to. | ||
| I know I drive you me nuts. | ||
| He drove me nuts during Sober October. | ||
| You bring out his competitive spirit. | ||
| There's a fucking monster in there. | ||
| You let him out of the cage. | ||
| But I love your monster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the way a younger brother would like Needling his big brother, I like your monster. | ||
| Here's the big, one of the big things I think that's super different is that he approaches things of like, all right, if I want to be proficient at this thing, I'm going to do it every day because that's how you get good, the consistency and the discipline. | ||
| And you go, you know what? | ||
| I think I can wing this shit. | ||
| I'm pretty good at it. | ||
| And that's one of the big philosophical differences of how you approach life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I listen to your podcast all the time. | ||
| He does not. | ||
| And I love the way your brain thinks. | ||
| I would never listen to my podcast. | ||
| But I like the way your brain thinks. | ||
| I'm just curious. | ||
| That's the way my brain thinks. | ||
| I'm always just trying to figure out why I think what I think and why this other person thinks what they think. | ||
| That's what I'm doing. | ||
| But I do the same in a flip-flop. | ||
| Like, I like the way your brain thinks, but it's not the way my brain thinks. | ||
| I have no discipline. | ||
| I don't like discipline. | ||
| One of the cool things about hanging out with different walks of life, you obviously become very successful with claiming you have no discipline. | ||
| You do have some discipline. | ||
| You work out all the time. | ||
| You know in secret time that I lean on you in times of real need? | ||
| Like, when I was with my cardiologist and I was like, hey man, I'm lost. | ||
| I don't know what to do. | ||
| And you were like, carnivore. | ||
| And so I do that. | ||
| I do that. | ||
| The problem is, and I would say this honestly just to Ari privately, but like... | ||
| We knew you before you were you. | ||
| Like, we knew you before this thing. | ||
| So like, I know you. | ||
| And I know who you've become. | ||
| And I obviously respect that. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| But like, my Joe guy I knew... | ||
| Is you. | ||
| Is you. | ||
| Right, but I don't think I've changed that much. | ||
| No, it's a perception of you that's changed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so everyone else falls into that with a lot of famous people. | ||
| They fall into what they think of someone, and so they don't get treated as who they really are. | ||
| I think I've improved my perspective on things and the way I treat people. | ||
| But you've grown, and you're a better person. | ||
| I mean, honestly, you're an amazing person, but... | ||
| I will always know you as the dude that walked me into his house. | ||
| I will never know you as this thing. | ||
| Like, this thing is pretty fucking insane. | ||
| It's just, like, cool for you, but that's not... | ||
| But my version of it is fairly small. | ||
| You've been pretty good at keeping your head straight. | ||
| Because I hang around the same people, I go to the club, I go to home, I work out, I do all the things I have to do. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| I have new friends. | ||
| It's just, like, I fucking torture myself. | ||
| So my perspective is balanced. | ||
| The worst thing that happens during my day is probably not as bad as what I've done to myself. | ||
| So I go into every day with a baseline. | ||
| I can handle shit. | ||
| That hasn't changed in you at all. | ||
| No, it's the best way to regulate things. | ||
| Like what Henry Rollins was saying in that essay, it's the best way to regulate things. | ||
| It's the best way to keep a perspective on things. | ||
| You don't want to become a tyrant. | ||
| You don't want to become enamored with power and enamored with influence. | ||
| I'm not interested in that. | ||
| You're not a guy who says, do you know who I am? | ||
| I'm not interested in that at all. | ||
| But you don't need to. | ||
| I say that. | ||
| If you don't know who I am, I'm happy. | ||
| I'd love to talk to a dude who doesn't know me. | ||
| That's gonna be shocking. | ||
| It's gonna be shocking. | ||
| Oh my god, it'd be fun. | ||
| Talk to someone else. | ||
| When was the last time you had that? | ||
| Or someone was like, what do you do for a living? | ||
| I don't know, because sometimes people bullshit you. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Sometimes people pretend they don't know who you are. | ||
| Tommy's got friends that I've met that go, what do you do for a living? | ||
| And I get fucking angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I go, how do you not know who I am? | |
| The dentist or whatever the guy lives next door to you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, so what do you do for a living? | ||
| Fucking shut down. | ||
| I had this fancy lunch once with Eric Von Daniken. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Eric Weinstein invited me to this lunch with Eric Von Daniken. | ||
| Eric Von Daniken is the one who wrote The Chariots of the Gods. | ||
| He wrote that book about ancient aliens coming down here and building the pyramids and all this wild shit. | ||
| And he knew I knew everything about this guy. | ||
| I knew everything about his book. | ||
| I watched his documentary multiple times. | ||
| I've seen all the criticisms about it. | ||
| I want to have this conversation with him and find out why he thinks the way he thinks. | ||
| But when he said, what do you do for a living? | ||
| Because he didn't know who I was. | ||
| I was like, I'm a comedian. | ||
| And Weinstein started laughing. | ||
| And he goes, well, he's, you know, I go, I'm a comedian. | ||
| And he started explaining the podcast and all that different stuff, but I was like, just tell me what you think. | ||
| Tell me what you think and why you think. | ||
| But if you ask me what I do... | ||
| It's going to change the answer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's also, it's like, I like that he didn't know who I was. | ||
| Like, this is wonderful. | ||
| This is wonderful. | ||
| This is a nice conversation. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And respectfully, why do you believe this? | ||
| And why do you ignore all the evidence that seems to lean to an advanced civilization that built this? | ||
| We have a rebuilding of advanced civilizations today. | ||
| That's much more plausible. | ||
| But his whole business is sort of... | ||
| Once you have an initial assertion, you write a book about it, you make a documentary about it, everybody's gonna say, like, that's... | ||
| You can't change your opinion. | ||
| Because that book's still on the shelf. | ||
| I bought your fucking book! | ||
| Your book's bullshit! | ||
| The book's what I thought back then. | ||
| I didn't know any better. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that was a good one. | ||
| It's fun meeting somebody and you don't know who they are? | ||
| I knew everything about him. | ||
| I had studied him for so long. | ||
| I had watched his film multiple times. | ||
| Because his film asks real questions. | ||
| Like, how the fuck did they do this? | ||
| There's some stones in Lebanon and some fucking crazy quarried stones. | ||
| Like, how the fuck were they planning on moving this? | ||
| Well, they had abandoned the stone because there was a crack in it, and so they moved on. | ||
| So they have the evidence of how they actually quarried these things in some places. | ||
| I don't understand all those ancient structures. | ||
| When you think about what it takes, how we build things today, and you see these things built... | ||
| And it's like a hundred thousand pound stone. | ||
| It's the best evidence that people were more advanced back then. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And then you go, and not only is it like together, whereas it's seamless between two, you can't put a piece of paper between them. | ||
| It's all aqueducts. | ||
| What they did... | ||
| What they did was probably follow a line of innovation that's different from the line we followed. | ||
| One that we can't really relate to. | ||
| We followed combustion engines, industrial evolution, manufacturing at a large scale. | ||
| That's what we followed. | ||
| What they followed is probably something very different. | ||
| It probably had to do with frequencies and sound and how you could bore through stone. | ||
| They had diamond drills. | ||
| Do you think if they saw our stuff, they'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, they'd probably be like, weird out by the internet. | ||
| If they didn't have it. | ||
| But the thing is, if you have electronics and you leave them on the ground, they don't exist in a hundred years. | ||
| They will get absorbed by the earth. | ||
| Within a thousand years, there's no trace. | ||
| You'll find the minerals that are in the batteries and all that stuff, that'll all break down. | ||
| There'll be nothing left. | ||
| If you watched buildings that were in Detroit that people abandoned, and you see trees growing through those buildings, quickly, man. | ||
| Houses, cars, you see a car that gets left in the woods? | ||
| It just gets broken down to rust and within a thousand years there will be nothing. | ||
| So if there was some shit that existed, like the conventional dating of the Great Pyramid is 2500 BC. That's under heavy speculation. | ||
| The real belief is that it's probably the guys from John Anthony West and Graham Hancock and Randall Carlson They point towards a possibility of a super sophisticated civilization more than 11,000 BC. See, I think that's the thing that I've never really considered. | ||
| No, really considered is that you always go, oh, they had like an archaic system that just worked, right? | ||
| Like levees and... | ||
| No. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| What if they had like full electronics and like ray guns and stuff? | ||
| I never considered that. | ||
| Never considered that shit, dude. | ||
| You think we have to be the best. | ||
| We have to be. | ||
| Instead of this, start over, this, start over, and that, start over. | ||
| They moved things that were thousands of pounds. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Through the mountains. | ||
| If another 500 years passed from here, how much technology will advance? | ||
| If that all gets wiped out, it'll get started over, and we'll be at our level, and they'll be like, well, they were the best advance. | ||
| I'm the same way as you. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because you think of like a hundred bodies carrying a rock. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If we just had to live from now on, the human race evolves from the genes of the preppers. | ||
| If that's it, preppers. | ||
| People that have fucking bunkers in their fucking backyards and canned peaches and that fucking... | ||
| Who's that religious guy that sells survival food on TV? Jim Baker. | ||
| Buckets of survival food. | ||
| You could use this as a stand for your table. | ||
| They're eating at the dinner table with buckets of survival food under it. | ||
| End of time bucket prep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're one of those dudes, man, and that's all that lives, yeah, these survival... | ||
| I mean, how long would it take if one of these dullards in the crowd, look at these dull-minded, gray-brained people? | ||
| What is the chance that those people are going to invent the fucking... | ||
| That's your joke. | ||
| If I dropped you off in the middle of the woods with a hatchet, how long until you could send me an email? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would be millions of years. | ||
| If you had access to all the tools that people have ever created. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that stone. | ||
| Where is that, Jamie? | ||
| Egypt, the unfinished obelisk. | ||
|
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Like, in theory, they would have taken it out of there somehow. | |
| So there was an obelisk they cut into the stone, and they had the technology to not only cut that, but unfortunately some of that stone would crack and they would have to abandon it. | ||
| But they had to pick it up and move it hundreds of miles. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they did it routinely. | ||
| There's no way to, like, grasp that unless you think the technology was other level. | ||
| Not only that, dude, there's a lot of evidence that even the Great Pyramid is a more recent creation to some of the older Kingdom work. | ||
| The deeper they go into the sand, on some of the structures they'll find, like as they start excavating, that there's another structure underneath it. | ||
| And then they uncover that. | ||
| And the older they uncover them, it seems like the larger the stones were, the more complex the systems were. | ||
| It's wild shit, man. | ||
| These people were doing something a long fucking time ago. | ||
| And if you listen to guys like Robert Schock, who's a geologist from Boston University, he studied the erosion marks on the outside of the Temple of the Sphinx. | ||
| He said this is indicative of thousands of years of rainfall that created this. | ||
| That's the way you get these kind of fissures in the stones. | ||
| The only time there was rainfall in the Nile Valley was like 9000 BC. So you gotta go back thousands of years that predate that because you have thousands of years of rainfall. | ||
| Wind is a rainforest. | ||
| All that area, like the Sahara Desert used to be a fucking tropical rainforest. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like all this shit happened before we were fucking driving diesel trucks and coal plants. | ||
| The world has been in a constant state of flux forever. | ||
| And that area where they initially established the kingdom of where Giza was and Cairo is and all those areas, that area was lush with resources. | ||
| That's probably why they advanced there for so long. | ||
| They did some wild shit in this one area that there's wild structures all over the earth that they found. | ||
| Nothing compares to what they did in Africa. | ||
| Nothing, not one thing, is anything like the Great Pyramid of 2,300,000 stones. | ||
| Moved from quarries hundreds of miles away, cut in a perfect position, true north, south, east, and west. | ||
| It's fucking wild what they did. | ||
| And I think they were probably more advanced than we are. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| And when you see it firsthand, like going to Machu Picchu, you know, up in the Andes, you're like, what? | ||
| How did they build this up in the mountains? | ||
| Just imagine if everything collapsed right now, what people would be like 200 years from now. | ||
| There'd be fucking barbarians. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| There'd be walking dead. | ||
| Walking dead people. | ||
| Living in little groups and tribes trying to stay alive. | ||
| And eventually they would rebuild. | ||
| But I think it would take forever. | ||
| And I think that's what happened. | ||
| Do you ever think about that, like, you go, technology exists with the same things that were available, like... | ||
| Hundreds of years before. | ||
| Thousands of years. | ||
| Hundreds of thousand years before. | ||
| There is nothing new put here. | ||
| We just were able to develop a phone. | ||
| And every technology builds on the previous technologies. | ||
| Based on someone's invention, someone's invented this, then we go radio waves. | ||
| If they didn't tap into that, then that civilization never had radio. | ||
| So if someone invents something quicker that's different, like if someone invents nuclear fission, like way early, and everybody's like, whoa, or someone invents cold fusion, Way early. | ||
| You're like, okay, well now we've solved this energy problem. | ||
| Now we can move in a different direction. | ||
| Or stops plague early. | ||
| Yeah, early. | ||
| That allows you to burn. | ||
| Do you think all the technological stuff that has evolved is with the theory that we are borrowing from what we've taken from basically alien life leaving technology here or giving us hints? | ||
|
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Oh, Jesus. | |
| No, I think the alien technology thing is fascinating, but it might be also be bullshit. | ||
| You always have to look at all these things that are public and that are talked about and the Pentagon releases things about, might be bullshit. | ||
| You always have to think it might be bullshit. | ||
| Every time I look at any phenomenon, whether it's UFOs, UAPs, whatever the fuck you want to call them, I always say to myself, if I was the military, And I had some top secret drone program that moved through a totally unique and novel propulsion system that operated on gravity. | ||
| And that we figured out how to do this so we can move it around. | ||
| And I would be testing in exactly the same places these people were testing. | ||
| They were testing in all this restricted airspace where they would run these military drills. | ||
| They did it off the East Coast and they did it off the West Coast. | ||
| So where they're seeing these things is exactly where the military runs their tests. | ||
| I would assume that if I was the military, that's how I would things. | ||
| I would hide things. | ||
| I would hide things by saying they're UFOs and saying we have no idea what this is. | ||
| And if you have top secret programs, which we 100% know they do, and if you have a theory of propulsion that's based on gravity and not on igniting combustible fluids like rocket fuel, which we definitely have, and they have had since I believe the 1950s, they first started theorizing about magnetic propulsion systems. | ||
| They probably have been developing this forever. | ||
| They've probably been doing it in secrecy, and probably China's doing it as well, and the best way to hide it, I would imagine, would be to say that this is something from another world. | ||
| Also, we might be visited by other worlds. | ||
| Also, we might be visited by things from other dimensions. | ||
| I think it might be all the above, and I don't think you can count out any of it, just because of the fact that we know there's planets. | ||
| If we know there's planets, they're far enough away from the sun that the water doesn't boil and nothing freezes. | ||
| If they're in that Goldilocks zone, maybe life can develop. | ||
| And we know that there's a shitload of those out there. | ||
| We've found a bunch of them already. | ||
| So if they're out there, we would assume that something would be like us plus 100 years, plus 500 years. | ||
| And they would want to go to these other planets and say, look at these crazy fucks with this planet. | ||
| Flint tools trying to start fires by knocking sticks together. | ||
| And we would say, let's leave our radio. | ||
| And I think that's what they do. | ||
| And that's what this Diana Posolka was saying about researchers were describing these crashed UFOs as donations. | ||
| So if I was from somewhere else, whether it was another dimension or another planet, and I wanted to accelerate the technological innovation by these beings, I would give them fiber optics. | ||
| I'd go figure that out, crash this thing, back-engineer it, figure it out, get your brightest minds, lock everybody down, shoot everybody with a big mouth, and figure out how the fuck can make this. | ||
| And I think that's what the Bob Lazar story's all about. | ||
| Bert? | ||
| I was not listening. | ||
| I got lost. | ||
| I got lost. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| It sounds cool. | ||
| What'd you get lost in? | ||
| Buddy, when you started with propulsion, I was like... | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I felt like I was listening to your podcast. | ||
| I know this shit I should learn. | ||
| You are while it's happening. | ||
|
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I love your brain. | |
| I just got tired. | ||
| You want to take a nap? | ||
| I'll take naps. | ||
| Winston Churchill's all about naps. | ||
| Is everybody coming to the show tonight? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What time of your show? | ||
| 7 o'clock? | ||
| I just gotta walk the dog, yeah. | ||
| What time is it now? | ||
| 5.43. | ||
|
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Oh, 5.43. | |
| Six, basically. | ||
|
unidentified
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Let's fucking go. | |
| Let's go? | ||
| Let's fucking go. | ||
| Let's have some fun. | ||
| Denver, I'm coming. | ||
| First week of March. | ||
| 7th show at it. | ||
| Bray, you look depressed. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| Are we going to wear this to the shows? | ||
| Yeah, let's wear it to the shows. | ||
| Let's just go right to the shows. | ||
| Are we doing a show tonight? | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 7 o'clock. | ||
| You don't want to do a show? | ||
| Sober up. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Oh, yeah, you've never done comedy drunk. | ||
| I've never done comedy drunk. | ||
| I have done comedy drunk. | ||
| You definitely have done comedy drunk. | ||
| Come a long way to admit that best. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I've seen you fiddle with that the whole time. | ||
| That is a mammoth ivory handle for a 1911, which is a type of pistol. | ||
| Oh, it goes in like that. | ||
| Yeah, you have to get it fit for a 1911. Are we really doing a spot tonight? | ||
| What is this really? | ||
| Aren't you a professional? | ||
| It's not a big deal. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Yeah, I am. | ||
|
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You can come and just watch us kill or have a good fucking time. | |
| I can't not get on stage. | ||
| How are you going to take all that shit off in the time that it takes? | ||
| It takes a second. | ||
| No, keep it on. | ||
| I start off like John Mulaney, like very tactile. | ||
| Wait, you're going to keep it on, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| No, I realized in taking it off, I'm a different person with my shirt off. | ||
| Keep it on. | ||
| Keep it on for the show tonight. | ||
| It's on the spot. | ||
| Listen, Clark Kent. | ||
| We're all going to wear it. | ||
| Clark Kent with your stupid glasses. | ||
| I know who you are, bitch. | ||
| Clark Kent was the alter ego. | ||
| Clark Kent with your stupid glasses. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's Superman. | ||
| Superman's this real person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, duh. | ||
| What the fuck is this guy doing? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Don't you think I've watched the TV show? | ||
| Don't you think I've read the comic books? | ||
| Same thing with Hulk. | ||
| Come on, dude. | ||
| Yeah, what are you saying? | ||
| Don't change. | ||
| I had a really good set with a suit on. | ||
| You already have shoulders, bro. | ||
| You're jacked. | ||
| You don't even have to take your shirt off. | ||
| You can still kill. | ||
| You can kill with a suit and a tie on. | ||
| Yeah, stuff your shoulders. | ||
| I know you love that pop when you take your shirt off, and it is a wild pop. | ||
| That's a wild pop, buddy. | ||
| We were watching it last Tuesday night. | ||
| It's a big pop. | ||
| I had the last recorded... | ||
| They're like, is he going to take his shirt off? | ||
| You can see they're saying, is he going to take his shirt off? | ||
| I remember when he wouldn't take his shirt off in the OR. Like, I don't want to take my shirt off. | ||
|
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Not in the OR. Not in the OR. I was young. | |
| Mitzi would not like it. | ||
| Do you do it now? | ||
| She would not like it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's get something to eat. | ||
| I'm the only one there. | ||
| Let's get something to eat. | ||
| Oh yeah, you're the only one there. | ||
| Let's get something to eat and go. | ||
| Want to get something to eat? | ||
| And go, yeah. | ||
| It's 545. Whatever you want. | ||
| I would love Eddie B's. | ||
| Let's go to Eddie B's. | ||
| Let's go to Eddie B's. | ||
| My gentleman wearing suits. | ||
| I would love Eddie B's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go. | |
| Let's go right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go. | |
| This podcast is over. | ||
| Love you guys. | ||
| I love you too. | ||
| Listen, this has been... | ||
| 14 months. | ||
| For all these years of us doing this, it's been a fucking... | ||
| It's been fun. | ||
| We've had a good time. | ||
| It's been wild fun. | ||
| New civilizations will never have this. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they're going to lock this down. | ||
| You know, no network would ever allow it. | ||
| No fucking producers would ever bank their mortgage on this being... | ||
| They would be like, guys, guys, guys, guys. | ||
| Let's talk about what you said there. | ||
| Eddie B's. | ||
| You guys admitted a lot of things. | ||
| I love Eddie B's right now. | ||
| Let's go eat some steaks! | ||
| I love you guys. |
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