June 22, 2023 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:28:12
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day Fun Finally you're here. | |
| Finally. | ||
| Finally. | ||
| You're one of the most requested guys ever. | ||
| And I was like, I gotta see him somewhere. | ||
| I gotta run into him. | ||
| We'll make it happen. | ||
| So we made it happen. | ||
| I'm excited to see you, brother. | ||
| It's a pleasure, finally. | ||
| I mean, we've run in so many similar circles for so many years. | ||
| Well, we ran into each other at the Canelo fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, God, I've been seeing you for 20 years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you were always the hero of the Ice House. | ||
| We'd go down to the Ice House. | ||
| How the fuck does he sell out so many shows? | ||
| Gabriel's doing like a 2 in the afternoon show, a 4 p.m. | ||
| show. | ||
| How many shows did you do in a day at one point in time? | ||
| The most I ever did in one day, like full sets, not just like a 10-minute spot. | ||
| Four shows. | ||
| Four full one-hour shows. | ||
| But yeah, we were doing matinee shows at the Ice House. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| Like, you know, we'd go down there and see the signs and all the pictures. | ||
| It was like, this is crazy. | ||
| Like, who the fuck is doing that? | ||
| You know, because I was doing, they were calling them kid shows because I was allowing all ages. | ||
| Bob Fisher was bending the rules to let me have, you know. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Because your act is perfect for that. | ||
| But, you know, I mean, I tailored it. | ||
| I tailored it. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So, you know, of course, you know, you take a cuss words on certain topics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But for the most part, it was a friendly show. | ||
| Well, you can do that is what I'm saying. | ||
| Like, you could float in and out of that world. | ||
| You know, you could be clean and then you can fuck around. | ||
| A little bit, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little cut loose. | ||
| So the set that you would hear at 2 o'clock probably isn't the set you'd hear at, you know, the 1030 show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you go from that to doing Dodger Stadium. | ||
| Well, there was a couple shows in between. | ||
| I know, but what the fuck, dude? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That had to be a trip. | ||
| What the fuck was that like? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I thought that I was going to be super nervous doing that show, but it was probably one of the most calm experiences for me as far as not feeling pressure because it felt more like a celebration versus me having to perform. | ||
| All these people are already here because they know what I've done over the years. | ||
| And it's not like, oh, I hope I have a good set. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I forget how many people told him, but there were so many people there that all they want is for you to do good. | ||
| They want to see you succeed. | ||
| They want this to go well for you. | ||
| Bro, that's so crazy! | ||
| And to feel that energy of people wanting you to succeed, wanting you to do good. | ||
| People that were there for the ride back at the Ice House 20-some-odd years ago. | ||
| Look at all those people. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It was a beautiful moment. | ||
| I was choked up in the first 30 seconds walking out there because they just kept cheering. | ||
| And then I said, we did it. | ||
| And it was over after that. | ||
| So it was a big emotional show for me. | ||
| On Netflix, it was an hour and almost two hours. | ||
| But the actual night, I was on stage for over three. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And they could not get me off that stage. | ||
| Because then I broke out a bottle of tequila and then I turned it into a big quinceanera is what I did at the end. | ||
| And I got fined by Dodger Stadium for going over the time. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| If you run the light of the club, it's all right, come on, maybe you mess up. | ||
| How much did they fine you? | ||
| Well, you don't have to say. | ||
| It was over $100. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Come on, guys. | ||
| Stop being cunts. | ||
| Is that like operating costs? | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| Well, you got to figure all the costs that go into like, you know, the union, the staff. | ||
| I mean, there's so many people that work there. | ||
| How to be worth it, though. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I do it all over again. | ||
| It was the greatest night of my life. | ||
| And so happy to pay the fine. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| When I saw Bill Burr do Fenway Park, a similar sort of situation. | ||
| You know, like, holy shit. | ||
| And to do it in your hometown. | ||
| That's the best part. | ||
| I think it's always harder to get love at home. | ||
| You know, that's why you go out on the road and you do your thing. | ||
| And I think that... | ||
| Getting that love at home. | ||
| I never got to perform at a comedy club at home until I became successful on the road. | ||
| I didn't get the Laugh Factories or the Comedy Stores or the Improvs until I went out and did. | ||
| That doesn't make sense though. | ||
| Why would that be true? | ||
| Were you hanging around? | ||
| You gotta figure, 20 some odd years ago, maybe they had a Latino night. | ||
| You had to really know somebody. | ||
| Somebody had to really vouch for you. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Most of my shows were at bars. | ||
| So what year did you start? | ||
| I started in 97. 97. So, most of those years, you're hopping around, doing bars. | ||
| One-nighters and stuff like that. | ||
| Oh, so-and-so has a room. | ||
| So-and-so has a room. | ||
| You know, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Joey Diaz took me to a lot of those places. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Joey Diaz would tell you, come on, motherfucker. | ||
| You want to go to the real place? | ||
| He would take you to some Chinese restaurant in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| It's run by Mexican people. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Joey would take you to all these fucking crazy shows. | ||
| But he had a philosophy behind him. | ||
| He was like, you know, I want to go everywhere. | ||
| I want to go everywhere. | ||
| I want to get in front of these fucking momos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to go down to the east side and rock those motherfuckers. | |
| He wanted to do all kinds of different shows just to feel it out. | ||
| I think he's right. | ||
| Those dingy bar shows, there's something about those shows that teach a little extra muscle. | ||
| It's humbling. | ||
| But the cool part was is that I was used to performing in places like that before I actually got an audience that was willing to just be quiet and listen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So I felt like, oh, wow, that was hard, you know, because you have to come out the gate swinging to get people in a bar, people that are focused on the game, focused on trying to hook up, having a drink, trying to wait, you know, waiting for somebody. | ||
| There's all kinds of different things happening. | ||
| And so the fact that, you know, to be able to go out there and get their attention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that was like a... | ||
| It was school. | ||
| It was school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it is school. | |
| It is school. | ||
| It's a school that no one is going to give you a lesson plan. | ||
| You've got to kind of do it all yourself. | ||
| And you've got to learn from the other people that are doing it, like Joey. | ||
| But it's like I did the same thing in Boston. | ||
| Mostly we got road gigs because those are the ones that, you know, they would pay you to drive for two hours and do some, you know, 40 minutes in front of a bunch of crazy people. | ||
| And you were excited to do it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, it was amazing. | ||
| Just the fact that you were making money doing comedy was amazing. | ||
| And you're learning how to do it. | ||
| You're learning how to do it the hard way. | ||
| And restaurants and bars and pubs and just weird little outdoor venues. | ||
| There was no social media back then, no YouTube, no TikTok video clips, no nothing that you could post. | ||
| You just had to go out and... | ||
| But honestly, that's great. | ||
| Because that gave you this chance to, first of all, know you really wanted it. | ||
| Because if you were really going to grind it out every night, going to all these weird, shitty places for no money, for years, for years you're not making any money. | ||
| You've got to be committed to that. | ||
| Because a lot of people, they've got half, one foot in, one foot out. | ||
| They have one good set. | ||
| And they're like, you know, maybe I'll give comedy a try. | ||
| But guys like you and guys like me, we're out there every fucking night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every night. | |
| I knew that with time, money would come as long as I stuck it out. | ||
| I was in a very cush position when I started doing stand-up. | ||
| So it was a little challenging to say goodbye to security. | ||
| I had a great gig selling cell phones. | ||
| I was making about 5k a month. | ||
| In 1997, working in sales, making that, I never had insurance. | ||
| I had a nice little PPO plan. | ||
| Couldn't you work there during the day? | ||
| I did. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I lasted about a year because I found out that I couldn't just do my job and then go do shows at night. | ||
| And then go home. | ||
| You couldn't go home. | ||
| You had to stay out. | ||
| We had to wind up at a Denny's. | ||
| You had to wind up at some freaking taco shop or whatever at 2, 3 o'clock in the morning talking to other comics because that was the only other way you were going to find out about another show. | ||
| You couldn't send a tweet. | ||
| You couldn't send a text because you didn't have that as an option. | ||
| You had to talk to people. | ||
| Hey, so-and-so has a room. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Okay, give me that number. | ||
| And you had to learn to write numbers and save numbers and information and learn how to follow up. | ||
| Hey, what do you think about, you know, and then, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Can you vouch for me? | ||
| That meant a lot back then. | ||
| Someone calling on your behalf. | ||
| Hey, so-and-so's got a tight 10. Yeah, it's huge. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| So, staying out late at night, coming home at 4 or 5 in the morning and then having to be up at 7 to go do my 9 to 5. Fortunately, I was young and I was able to hang for about a year and then I just couldn't. | ||
| I was falling asleep at work and I got caught. | ||
| I got caught. | ||
| I was working inside of a little kiosk selling cell phones and one time I just kind of, let me do some inventory here on the floor and then I guess I was snoring and somebody caught me. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And I'm like, ugh. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's a beautiful story though. | ||
| That's an American dream. | ||
| And I thought that because I had done a couple of television shows and I saw the money that I could make doing stand-up at that time, I said, oh, well, and you start doing the math, the delusional math. | ||
| Well, if I get one of these a month and I do this and this and this, I only need this much to pay my rent, this much to pay my car, I'm going to be fine. | ||
| And I quit my day job and I got evicted from my apartment because I ran out of money so fast. | ||
| They came after my car. | ||
| The repo guy was looking for the car. | ||
| I got evicted. | ||
| I went to go sleep on my sister's couch. | ||
| It was one of those. | ||
| And everybody's like, well, go get your job back. | ||
| And I'm like, if I do, then I'm not going to pursue this. | ||
| How old were you at the time? | ||
| 20, 21. Yeah, you could still kind of fuck up a little bit at 20, 21. I had no problem sleeping in a car at that age. | ||
| Now I'm like... | ||
| Now it would suck. | ||
| Maybe I gotta get that day job back. | ||
| But no, back then I was willing to do whatever it took. | ||
| But that's what you're supposed to do. | ||
| I've met a lot. | ||
| Tony did that. | ||
| I know a lot of people that did that. | ||
| A lot of people slept in their car. | ||
| Brian Simpson was homeless. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, if you really believe in it... | ||
| You know what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What are you willing to do? | ||
| What are you willing to sacrifice to make it happen? | ||
| Because there's a path. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| It's just not easy. | ||
| It's not easy. | ||
| And you've got to hope you have talent and hope you're not delusional. | ||
| And hope you can figure it out and maximize that talent. | ||
| Because a lot of people say that they want it, but do they? | ||
| A lot of people say a lot of things. | ||
| People are scared of being uncomfortable. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| They're scared of challenges. | ||
| They're scared of being uncomfortable. | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| But, you know, the key is like being around a bunch of other people that are also taking risks. | ||
| It helps you a lot. | ||
| You see them do it and then you want to do it too. | ||
| If you're around people that are trying to go, bro, listen to me. | ||
| Get your fucking job back. | ||
| Stop being a moron. | ||
| You're not going to make it. | ||
| I never thought you were that funny. | ||
| If you're around guys like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot. | |
| Those are your buddies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a drag. | |
| That's a drag. | ||
| Well, a lot of those voices I heard were family, not necessarily friends. | ||
| It's like even closer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but they're just looking out for you. | ||
| They're worried. | ||
| They didn't know. | ||
| If they had a magic crystal ball, they'd be like, oh. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Oh, I should have been more supportive. | ||
| You would have bought me something nice. | ||
| In the beginning, they're also like, oh, you want to do that? | ||
| How cool. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| Follow your dreams. | ||
| Happy for you. | ||
| And then you do it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, when they see the reality, like the homeless part... | ||
| In the not having any money part, not having any healthcare part, when you used to. | ||
| And then the uncertainty of it all. | ||
| It's not like going to law school, you graduate the bar, yeah, there's a path. | ||
| We don't even have a school for it. | ||
| You have to figure it out on your own. | ||
| It's like every other, even if you want, I mean, there's many, many, many self-taught musicians, right? | ||
| But you could learn on YouTube how to play guitar. | ||
| You can learn on YouTube how to play the piano. | ||
| You can take lessons. | ||
| They're available everywhere. | ||
| Someone can teach you how to maximize your voice, whatever singing voice you have. | ||
| There's nothing that anybody can show you about comedy. | ||
| Because it's such a broader spectrum. | ||
| Like, you know, what works for one person will definitely not work for another. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and I think it's all in what you put out that makes it work. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| The only thing a comedy class is good for is it actually gets people on stage. | ||
| Getting you on stage is the first thing. | ||
| One thing that I feel like I had an advantage when I started doing stand-up was I took speech classes in high school and so I was very comfortable getting up in front of the class and Just talking. | ||
| Just talking. | ||
| There was no jokes back then. | ||
| It was just, can you get in front of the crowd? | ||
| Can you convey a message? | ||
| Can you talk about whatever? | ||
| So I got very comfortable with people being quiet. | ||
| A lot of times people don't, they freak out when the audience is quiet. | ||
| And I like it when they're quiet because it means they're listening. | ||
| They're listening to you. | ||
| And at this point, if the crowd is quiet, they trust that whatever I'm going to do is going to work because they're paying attention. | ||
| It took a long time for me to get used to that. | ||
| Yeah, getting used to talking to people. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| Just getting used to being like the center of attention. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| Having eyeballs in. | ||
| Because a lot of times, you know, it's like people say, oh, the scariest thing in the world, jumping out of an airplane or doing this or, you know, go cliff diving. | ||
| But, you know, most people cannot handle being in front of a crowd. | ||
| Most people get uncomfortable. | ||
| They're like, oh. | ||
| You know what Whitney told me? | ||
| Whitney Cummings told me that that originates from... | ||
| The ancient tribes that we used to live in when you were brought in front of the tribe to be judged. | ||
| That's why they were all looking at you. | ||
| When there's all those people looking at you, it's either there's some sort of a dilemma that you have to warn people about or you're being judged. | ||
| Both those things are riddled with anxiety. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, totally. | ||
| So we have a natural instinct. | ||
| Not like, oh, look, all my friends. | ||
| What's up, guys? | ||
| It's just like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| Everyone's looking at me. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was teaching martial arts, so I was used to people listening to me. | ||
| So I did that. | ||
| I think that helped me a lot because I had a lot of social anxiety when I was young, like just talking to people. | ||
| But then when I had to learn how to teach people, you know, so I'd teach classes all the time. | ||
| So I'd always have, like, groups of people that I was demonstrating things to. | ||
| So I got used to talking to people that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then you get a microphone and you hear your voice for the first time on a PA and you're like, oh, wow. | ||
| I remember hearing myself and I'm like, that's what I sound like to people? | ||
| Let me put some bass in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Also, you want to use the mic? | ||
| And then there's the dilemma. | ||
| Do I keep it in the stand? | ||
| Do I hold it? | ||
| There's so many factors. | ||
| Someone taught me about mic technique. | ||
| You know, the way you hold it. | ||
| Do you hold it tight, high up? | ||
| You know, there's some comics that ride the mic really low or keep the mic really low. | ||
| And there's some that choke, you know, have it right here, like the wrapping or something. | ||
| Joey Diaz keeps it in the stand. | ||
| And that works for him. | ||
| That works great for him. | ||
| Kevin does the same thing. | ||
| Kevin Hart will keep it in the stand. | ||
| I've tried that. | ||
| It does not work for me. | ||
| I need to be mobile with it. | ||
| Yeah, I feel like I have too many hands. | ||
| I want that right there. | ||
| I want to be able to switch hands. | ||
| I want to move it around. | ||
| And then I'm one of those that tell stories with their hands. | ||
| So I'm always, you know, I've got to be able to be mobile and move and just, you know, all right, here we go. | ||
| It's crazy that you made it and then started getting in at the clubs in LA. That is crazy. | ||
| Yeah, so first time out on the road, I was doing a comedy club called Bart Reed's Comic Strip in El Paso, Texas. | ||
| And I was there as an opener, and that was the first time I did a comedy club, was Bart Reed's Comic Strip, El Paso. | ||
| That's where I had to go, and I'm from LA. You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I've done a million bars and dives and little holes in the wall. | ||
| That was the first real comedy club. | ||
| And then I remember I went on the road actually with Joe Diaz and with Marilyn Martinez. | ||
| And so I did a show with the two of them. | ||
| And getting a comedy course from Marilyn Martinez and Joey Diaz at the same time is something I will never forget because the two of them are so, like, they were just yin and yang. | ||
| You know, I remember how awesome that friendship was. | ||
| And they were just so real and raw with me. | ||
| And I'm just sitting there and I'm this 21-year-old kid. | ||
| And I'm just like, oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And if you knew the two of them, you'd know, like, wow, that's a hell of a lesson that you get. | ||
| Well, that is a beautiful thing about people when they think you're funny, that they will take you under their wing. | ||
| They will give you some advice, and we'll talk to you about stuff. | ||
| Both of them were super nice. | ||
| Yeah, they were both super nice. | ||
| Yeah, I miss Marilyn. | ||
| She was always cool to hang around at the store. | ||
| She was hilarious. | ||
| Sit in the back and listen to Marilyn critique the comics. | ||
| Oh, look at him. | ||
| He thinks he's gonna make it. | ||
| Her and Joey together too. | ||
| What a one-two punch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like having relationships with those comics that have already gone through the gates and they can tell you what's going on. | ||
| Like, hey, I was right where you were at. | ||
| You can just... | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| You're going to be alright. | ||
| Hang in there. | ||
| Keep doing sets. | ||
| Keep working on it. | ||
| And the beauty of it back then, which I think is missing now, is because social media is so strong, everybody would rather just talk through the phone. | ||
| Whereas back then I felt like it was a lot more... | ||
| I've met so many comics online that I haven't met face to face yet, which I think is crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, we're a little scattered now. | ||
| It's not like a home base anymore. | ||
| It used to be home bases were New York and L.A. Now, L.A.'s kind of fucked. | ||
| And Austin is more of a home base for a lot of comics than L.A. And New York is different than it used to be. | ||
| A lot of guys kind of moved to different places during the pandemic. | ||
| So it's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I guess the cellar is a great place to go and hang out with people. | ||
| And the store is still a great place if you know who's going to be there. | ||
| To hang out with people. | ||
| But that's half the fun for me. | ||
| I mean, I know it's like in the early days you were getting phone numbers and learning about gigs, but it's also you're hanging out with comics. | ||
| You know, that is my favorite thing. | ||
| Because you're all talking about comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you can't talk about comedy with people that don't get it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Trying to, you know, talk to my brother about it. | ||
| He's like, oh, yeah, it sounds cool. | ||
| Like, you don't understand. | ||
| And it's just like, ugh. | ||
| Yeah, you have to talk to people who are actually doing it. | ||
| And, you know, they're just the most fun to talk to. | ||
| Like, when we have... | ||
| Shows at the mothership and then afterwards we're hanging out in the green room. | ||
| We're just laughing. | ||
| Just laughing and talking shit and slapping the couch and having a good time. | ||
| And everyone's just getting on everybody and it's just fun. | ||
| It's really fun, man. | ||
| It's a good time. | ||
| Music's playing. | ||
| You know, it's like one of the coolest parties you could ever be a part of and it happens like almost every night. | ||
| We're always laughing like, God damn, we're so lucky. | ||
| Yeah, because we could be doing something completely different. | ||
| You do something that sucks. | ||
| You've got to appreciate it. | ||
| The beauty of just laughter and just being able to hang out and be real and just hang out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's amazing. | ||
| We're very fortunate we found it, you know? | ||
| It's the one job where it's like, normally when you're done, you punch out and you go home. | ||
| But like, once you get off stage, like, okay, now just hang out and watch everybody else and get a drink, you know? | ||
| Hey, how come you don't have food at your club? | ||
| Just... | ||
| Sorry, I just put that up. | ||
| Why do I not want to have food in my club? | ||
| Because it's a distraction. | ||
| Do you want to look down and see people eating while they're watching a show? | ||
| They're there for a show. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I get it with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
| I get what you're saying. | ||
| But... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| It gets in the way. | ||
| It used to be no food at the store, and then they started adding food, and it was just like... | ||
| I think it just gets in the way. | ||
| I mean, I don't have a problem with clubs that do it. | ||
| A lot of clubs have great food. | ||
| The improvs always have great food. | ||
| But... | ||
| I think it's a distraction, you know? | ||
| And also, it brings roaches. | ||
| Okay, I didn't think about that. | ||
| Yeah, if you have food laying around. | ||
| One of the things that we found when we first looked at the club, the club was the Alamo Draft House before it was the comedy club. | ||
| So we went in there and they had this huge kitchen that would make pizzas and shit in, and there was fucking giant roaches everywhere. | ||
| Like, you were seeing these fat boys just running around, big thick cigarette lighter looking motherfuckers running around. | ||
| Like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Those fly too. | ||
| There was a very brief time where we entertained the idea of having a restaurant in the club too, and then I was like, no, no, fuck that. | ||
| And everybody that I talked to, all the comics were like, no, no food. | ||
| No food. | ||
| It's just a distraction. | ||
| When people have mouthfuls of food and they're barely paying attention, it's just like, it's weird. | ||
| It's just, you know, eat before you go. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| Bring snacks. | ||
| You can always get someone to go next door. | ||
| There's a pizza place next door. | ||
| There's a Mexican joint that's right next door to that. | ||
| There's all sorts of burger places on 6th Street. | ||
| There's a lot of different food. | ||
| There's food trucks. | ||
| Just send one of your boys to go out and get something. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| I just had to ask. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| Yeah, Comedy Magic Club has the best food. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's like a real restaurant. | ||
| It's legit. | ||
| It is like gourmet. | ||
| Yeah, their steak is like a great restaurant steak. | ||
| Yeah, you could actually go there just to eat, and it would be like a great restaurant just to eat at. | ||
| Yeah, his place is wild, too, because all the memorabilia on the wall, like Robin Williams' outfit from Popeye's on the wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Lucio Ball's dress. | ||
| So he's got some really, really good ones. | ||
| Do you collect VW vans? | ||
| Explain. | ||
| That's more like hoarding. | ||
| I got a lot of Volkswagens. | ||
| How many do you have? | ||
| I don't want to sound like a douche, but I lost count. | ||
| It's over 20. You have more than 20 Volkswagens? | ||
| But why them? | ||
| A Volkswagen bus, a 1968 Volkswagen bus, was my first car. | ||
| And for some reason, once I started talking to Jay Leno, he showed me his collection and he started telling me about investing money and being able to enjoy your investment. | ||
| And so I had gotten my ex-girlfriend her first car back, and then his guys helped me get my first car back, which was a bus. | ||
| And they said, well, if there's anything else you want, let me know. | ||
| And I go, well, if you come across another one of these, let me know. | ||
| They called me three days later. | ||
| We got one. | ||
| And I said, well, I'll take it. | ||
| And they just kept going. | ||
| And the reason why is it's such a cool, iconic car. | ||
| There's some guys that collect nothing but Porsches. | ||
| And with a bus, no one's looking at you like, oh my god, look at another Porsche. | ||
| But with buses, it's a fun bus. | ||
| It's a cool car. | ||
| And I wanted to be known as the Volkswagen bus guy. | ||
| Look at all your buses. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I started collecting them about 10 years ago. | ||
| So do you buy them in this condition or do you have them refurbished? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, in the beginning I would try to buy them in as good a condition as possible. | ||
| But then I met some people that do some amazing work. | ||
| There's a friend of mine named Henry Marchena who does all the restorations and he will take a bus that's all rusted out and completely just in shambles and he'll make a Picasso. | ||
| He'll make a work of art. | ||
| These buses are just... | ||
| People come in and they see them. | ||
| I mean, they light up. | ||
| They light up and... | ||
| So you've got some other cars in there too, though. | ||
| I do. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that a 356? | ||
| The one to the right. | ||
| Oh, that's another VW. I can't see. | ||
| What else do you have there? | ||
| Well, I no longer have the bugs. | ||
| I only have one bug now, but it's mostly buses. | ||
| Mostly buses and one bug. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So it's all Volkswagens. | ||
| Well, from what you see right there. | ||
| I do have muscle cars. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| I have two 69 Chevelles. | ||
| I have one that's a Restomar and one that's all original. | ||
| I have two Camaros. | ||
| I have one that's a Restomar 69 and another 69 that's all original. | ||
| So I got one and one. | ||
| I got a 1964. Yeah, there it is. | ||
| I have a 1964 Impala that's actually stock. | ||
| So I didn't lowrider it out because everybody thought I was going to do that. | ||
| That's a beautiful year, that 69. 69 Chevelles are gorgeous. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Is that the restaurant or is that the original? | ||
| No, that's the original. | ||
| It's got all the paperwork. | ||
| I actually got that one at the Barrett Jackson car auction. | ||
| Oh, there it goes. | ||
| 396. That's the same one from John Wick. | ||
| No, he has a 70. I have a black Chevelle that I call Cocaine Bear because, man, that thing is just obnoxious. | ||
| It is loud. | ||
| It's powerful. | ||
| It rattles. | ||
| The whole neighborhood hears it. | ||
| That's 69, too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's badass. | ||
| So, I mean, it's not that I'm just strictly Volkswagenist, but that's how it started. | ||
| And the beauty of it is I have people that are constantly sending me pictures. | ||
| Hey, my friend is selling this. | ||
| My friend is selling that. | ||
| So, what is that? | ||
| That is a Camaro that they converted into a Firebird? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what it is? | |
| I no longer have that one, but I do have a 1979 Trans Am. | ||
| Oh, the real one. | ||
| The real one, yeah. | ||
| There's a company called Trans Am Depot in Florida, and they will take a Camaro, and then they'll turn it into a Trans Am. | ||
| And it has a Pontiac logo and everything, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, that's the one I still have right there. | ||
| It's blue. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at that pretty thing. | ||
| Trans Ams are gorgeous. | ||
| It's long, too. | ||
| The whole hood is really, really long. | ||
| Does anybody ever make a Trans Am that is a really solid driving car, though? | ||
| Has anybody done a wild Restomod with a custom chassis? | ||
| I mean, they must have. | ||
| I've never driven one or seen one, and all the Trans Ams I've been in have always been manual. | ||
| No, I mean stock. | ||
| I mean, like, whether or not they're, you know, they change the suspension. | ||
| Manual transmission is the way to go with a car like that, always. | ||
| But I mean, has anybody done like a real resto mod with a Trans Am? | ||
| They must have. | ||
| You never see them though. | ||
| You see them more like kind of in stock form. | ||
| Yeah, I mean they try to keep it looking like it, you know, they want it to have that look. | ||
| But anyway, yeah, so I have a bunch of muscle cars, but people know me as the Volkswagen bus guy. | ||
| What does it say there, Jamie, at the top? | ||
| Yeah, Trans Am gets a stunning Restomont overhaul from Retro Designs. | ||
| Okay, so this one they did. | ||
| Yeah, there they go. | ||
| They jazzed up the engine. | ||
| That's pretty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Still got skinny-ass tires. | ||
| Take that photo of the back of it, the one that shows the back right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look how skinny those are. | ||
| They're not that bad. | ||
| A little bit better. | ||
| Not that bad. | ||
| But yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, you know, on top of the Volkswagen's, I do got the muscle car collection, which is nice. | ||
| Dude, there's nothing like muscle cars. | ||
| There's something about those things. | ||
| Like, whatever they were doing in that time period from the late 60s to the early 70s, whatever they're doing, they stopped doing it. | ||
| Yeah, it's very different. | ||
| And I have some friends that are purists when it comes to muscle cars, so they want to keep it stock, keep it the way that it was. | ||
| And then there's some that I'm like, you know, dude, there's nothing wrong with putting an air conditioner in a car. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with, you know, adding certain safety features. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about putting brakes at work? | |
| Thank you. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Like, all that... | ||
| Numbers matching? | ||
| I get it, but that's not for me. | ||
| I get it that people want to collect them. | ||
| Numbers matching. | ||
| But it's just for them. | ||
| It's like they say to the other numbers matching guys, and everybody's like, numbers matching. | ||
| But yeah, there's more people that just want to enjoy the car, have fun with the car, and they could care less with the numbers. | ||
| You want to not be sucking gas fumes through the exhaust. | ||
| Like, how bad do some of those smell? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| When you have a car that's over 40 years old, you get used to the smell of gas. | ||
| Yeah, they stink of gas. | ||
| And then you think at first, it's leaking. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| That's just the way that the car smelled back then. | ||
| Yeah, you're breathing in fumes. | ||
| You're getting a headache. | ||
| You smell the oil, you smell the gas. | ||
| But Restomods don't. | ||
| Like, Restomods, like what I was showing you, the Land Cruiser, when they use a modern crate engine... | ||
| They can just change it completely. | ||
| Yeah, so it looks original, but it handles like a modern car. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| I just like the character of those cars. | ||
| It's undeniable. | ||
| Like, if they made one today like that, I would say, I would want to buy one. | ||
| Like, if they made a rest of it. | ||
| They can't do it, which is kind of crazy. | ||
| Because, like, you could buy one from a company like Roadster Shop. | ||
| They made me a 1969 Camaro. | ||
| But you can't buy a 1969 Camaro from Chevy. | ||
| Like, if Chevy said, look, we're going to make a 1969 Camaro, it's not going to have any airbags, it's going to have disc brakes, but, like, you know, six-piston disc brakes, and we're going to do a modernized suspension, but it's going to be a 1969 Camaro. | ||
| But it's going to be a 1969 Camaro with a 2023 Camaro engine, and all the electronics and all that jazz. | ||
| People would buy it like crazy, but you could never get away with it, because regulations wouldn't allow it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then living in California, all these cars... | ||
| Man, you know how hard it is with the... | ||
| Getting smogged. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So all my cars are 1974 and below. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just because I don't want a deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I don't want a deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Like, as long as they're old, they can just pollute like crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I just think it's interesting that, you know, as time goes by, they don't move the needle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, they still keep it at 1974. It's like, come on. | ||
| Well, yeah, I think that's because it's almost impossible. | ||
| Like, if you want to get, like, a 1974 Porsche and you want to convert it to modern standards of exhaust, I wonder what they would even have to do. | ||
| It might ruin the car. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to take away from the originality of it, but is it going to make it a better driver? | ||
| Are you going to have more fun with it? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think so. | ||
| I mean, I think they would have to, like, I know they do restomods with those old Porsches, but I think they just take everything out and put all modern shit in. | ||
| You know, they just kind of... | ||
| But even then, I think it's still held to the same standard of a 1974 car. | ||
| Like, as long as it's, you know, the VIN number and everything is from that age, you're kind of lying. | ||
| It's kind of not really a 1974 car. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's really a 2023 car. | ||
| Like, if you had a 74 Porsche built by some madman who, like, made you this wicked air-cooled engine, so you're driving around in a 1974 car that's got all brand new parts. | ||
| Yeah, but they're still going to hold you to the rules. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did do a, with one of my Volkswagens, I actually did a, it's called a Subaru swap. | ||
| So I took out the engine from the Volkswagen and I put in a Subaru turbo engine in it. | ||
| Oh Jesus. | ||
| Because it fit perfectly. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| And so now that car is like, it's fast. | ||
| It is super fast and it's quiet. | ||
| I saw a video online. | ||
| See if you can find this. | ||
| It was an old Ford Econoline van that they put a supercharged Coyote engine in. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So those ones where your face is like right at the windshield. | ||
| You ever see those? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like such a flat-faced, weird thing. | ||
| But he's got this crazy fucking supercharged Coyote Mustang engine in it. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| With an Econoline. | ||
| Yeah, some of these modifications, they don't really, you know, they're not worried about the height or, you know, you got to put everything else in there to match so that it can handle right. | ||
| They're doing it just for funsies. | ||
| Nobody really needs an Econoline van with a supercharged fucking Coyote engine in. | ||
| Have I heard anywhere? | ||
| I heard a rumor that they were going to make a Hellcat minivan. | ||
| And I'm like, you know what, I think I'm down. | ||
| I think I'm down. | ||
| No, it's actually even older than that. | ||
| That's a 1970 one, but that one someone did the same kind of thing to. | ||
| Oh, they made that one a sleeper. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| They kept that one kind of looking real stock on the outside. | ||
| The other one was like a tan one. | ||
| It was like a tan Econoline van, but it was a really old one. | ||
| The real flat-faced front ones. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| I should have saved it. | ||
| Someone sent it to me on Instagram, Solaris. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I just always thought it was funny that you picked that one car. | ||
| So I always wanted to know. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| It was just one of those things where I really liked it. | ||
| And I started... | ||
| Making every single color that they came out with and then I ran out of... | ||
| I used the entire... | ||
| Palette? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so then we just started having fun creating our own color schemes. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Do you drive them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You take them out? | ||
| They all work. | ||
| I try not to take them on the freeway. | ||
| I mean, there's a couple that are like really, really good on the freeway, but most of the time I just rather keep them on the streets. | ||
| And they've all broken down. | ||
| They've all left me on the side of the road at one point in time. | ||
| Because if you're not driving them every day, you're going to have issues with them. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| So I got a team that's like, all right, I'm going for a drive. | ||
| Be on standby. | ||
| I won't take them out at times when I don't have people that I can get a hold of. | ||
| They're 50-plus-year-old cars, and they're stock. | ||
| And when you're saying you have some that are good on the highway, most of them have, what, a four-cylinder in them? | ||
| They're all four. | ||
| They're all tiny. | ||
| They have four bolts to put those engines in. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's like a big lawnmower. | ||
| So the one that does better, though, on the highway, is it just a stronger engine, just healthier? | ||
| I think that because it's the one that gets driven more. | ||
| My favorite one to drive is a 1968 that I have. | ||
| It's called a Bay Window, and it's the generation that came after the split. | ||
| So the buses had that little widow's peak in the two windows. | ||
| That stopped at 1967, and then 1968 was the full-size windshield. | ||
| And so a lot of the components, everything was more user-friendly. | ||
| It was more comfortable. | ||
| The brakes were better. | ||
| The suspension, you were able to, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the windows are slide on a 67, whereas the other one, the windows go all the way down. | ||
| They slide left and right? | ||
| Yeah, slide left and right. | ||
| So you can't, like, hang your arm out. | ||
| You can't do any of that, but it's 1968 and above. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And what is it, like, 100 horsepower or something? | ||
| If that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| If that. | ||
| I mean, most of them, I mean, they started off, like, what, 20, about 25, 30? | ||
| Between 25 and 30 horsepower. | ||
| For a van. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many bands tried to make their way across the country in those things? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| But, I mean, that was the Sprinter van of its day. | ||
| That's why people would turn those into camper vans, or they'd get the band in there, or they'd gut the whole thing out. | ||
| It was a panel van, or there were so many uses for those back then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did the Manson family have one of those? | ||
| I wouldn't doubt it. | ||
| It seemed like something they would have. | ||
| I wouldn't doubt it. | ||
| See if the Manson family had a VW van. | ||
| Someone actually tried to sell me Dr. Kevorkian's Volkswagen. | ||
| Dude, they have that at the... | ||
| I got the option to buy it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they tried to sell me the van, the yellow, that bus that's now at the museum in Las Vegas. | ||
| So they reached out to me because they knew. | ||
| So anytime something Volkswagen bus related pops up. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| So you had a chance to buy it before the museum? | ||
| Yeah, but I'm like, I can't. | ||
| It felt so eerie. | ||
| It belongs in the museum. | ||
| And even though it's like, okay, it's a good talking thing. | ||
| Hey, guess what I have over here? | ||
| I got the death machine. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| That's just crazy. | ||
| So yeah, you could see it at the, I think it's called the Museum of Death, I think. | ||
| I almost bought David Koresh's 1968 Mustang. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, it was for sale online. | ||
| And they were advertising it was David Koresh's Mustang. | ||
| And apparently it had Providence, so they could prove it. | ||
| And I was like, my finger was hovering over my phone. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Do I? Because I really want one of those. | ||
| I really wanted a 69. But did you want his? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Part of me was like, yes. | ||
| But the other part of me is like, what if I'm opening up doors that I can never close? | ||
| What if he truly was evil? | ||
| The Branch Davidian staff car. | ||
| Made his way into the car. | ||
| Like Christine. | ||
| Remember that movie? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| That was his car. | ||
| Waco cult leader. | ||
| That was the car. | ||
| I mean, come on, son, that looks strong. | ||
| That is beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 1968. And if I was going to just drive it stock like that, I mean, just fuck around, take it to the store. | ||
| But I thought about it and I was like, I don't think, I don't want that fucking bad karma. | ||
| And you can find a car like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have one that looks like that, but I got the white stripe on it. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's a fun car. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fun car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're amazing cars. | ||
| Those and the restomods in those are particularly good because they're well balanced. | ||
| You know, it's like it's good shape, good size car for that kind of application. | ||
| I have a 69 that Roadster shop built me. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| I saw it online. | ||
| It looks cool. | ||
| It looks really, really cool. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| I had done as much as I could to modify the car to make it safe. | ||
| So like, for example, I put LEDs. | ||
| I took out the old stuff and I put LEDs so that it's bright. | ||
| Changed the cluster inside to make sure that it was all digital and bright so that I could see it. | ||
| And I had people getting upset with me over it. | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| I'm like, I just want to enjoy the car. | ||
| Oh, because you were changing the original stuff? | ||
| You've got to stop talking to those fools. | ||
| Those people are idiots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's leave it alone. | |
| Come on, bro. | ||
| Everyone's gonna die. | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| And then someone else is gonna enjoy it. | ||
| Just enjoy it. | ||
| Don't try to, like, there's plenty of them that are out there that are stock. | ||
| It's not like we're running out of them. | ||
| You know, I gotta tell you, I bought something really cool last week, and I got a chance to play with it yesterday. | ||
| I bought a 1994 Ford Mustang Cobra. | ||
| The difference between that and anything else out there is that it only had 12 miles on it. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's like a dealer car. | ||
| It was covered in plastic. | ||
| It still had the sticker in the window. | ||
| It still had all the different, you know, the barcodes and just everything on it. | ||
| So I had to rip the plastic off the seats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And that, for me, was the coolest thing. | ||
| It's just like, wow. | ||
| For a 1994 car? | ||
| 1994. And so the guy who bought it, I guess, was a collector of Mustangs. | ||
| And he just bought it and let it sit. | ||
| And he kept it in a temperature-controlled room. | ||
| And I guess something happened where it became available. | ||
| And I jumped on it. | ||
| And I'm like, because 1994 is the year I graduated high school. | ||
| And that's the car I wanted. | ||
| And so I think it's cool that I'm able to buy a brand new old car. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| How many of those are out there? | ||
| Yeah, that's, you know, I got lucky. | ||
| I found it online and I just jumped. | ||
| I'm like, it's mine. | ||
| It's funny how cars like, not just muscle cars, because muscle cars are fast, but cars like a Volkswagen, they're fun to drive, even if they're slow. | ||
| It's like so much more engaging than a regular car. | ||
| It's like you're on a little ride, like you're in a go-kart. | ||
| That's exactly what it is, and then you're sitting high. | ||
| It's a different experience, you know? | ||
| It's like, now you can get an SUV, and of course you're up there, but to be that high up, and then you're literally, your face is, the windshield's right here. | ||
| No safety. | ||
| You hit anything and you're just, bye. | ||
| And you feel everything. | ||
| You feel every bump and twist of the road. | ||
| You got the wheel and you're sitting over the wheel, so it's just, you know. | ||
| Suspension sucks. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Go around a corner, it's terrible. | ||
| I actually got up on two wheels one time by accident. | ||
| I'm lucky I didn't die. | ||
| I was getting on the free one, I just cut the corner too hard and I felt it, man. | ||
| And then you just, boom, came back down. | ||
| It's really interesting because a car does not have to be fast to be engaging. | ||
| You know, that's what I think gets lost with a lot of these paddle shifter cars, these new cars. | ||
| Everybody's just trying to go 0-60 faster and get around the Nürburgring faster, but that's not really what makes a car fun. | ||
| Like, you don't really drive like that in real life. | ||
| You'd rather have a car that's more fun slower. | ||
| Because some cars, like my Tesla, you don't even notice you're going 80 miles an hour. | ||
| It just goes whoosh, and all of a sudden you're going 80. But if I'm going 80 in an old Porsche, you feel everything. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| Everything is alive. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I have an old 1993 RS America. | ||
| So it's got no power steering, no air conditioning, no radio, no nothing. | ||
| Air-cooled, super light, tiny little car. | ||
| And it only has like 300 horsepower. | ||
| But it's like one of my favorite cars to drive. | ||
| But you feel everything in that car. | ||
| Yeah, it's a ride. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| You are part of the car. | ||
| It's a Disneyland ride. | ||
| You are part of that car. | ||
| I mean, it's slow as shit compared to like my Tesla. | ||
| But if you're doing 80 in that versus 80 in the Tesla, you feel like, wow, I'm going 100 miles an hour. | ||
| You feel alive. | ||
| You feel like you're on a motorcycle or something. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And it's also the way they handle. | ||
| You feel the tires break. | ||
| You have a connection to the tires. | ||
| When you hit the limit, you feel it kick out, and you know where that limit is. | ||
| It's almost like your shoes. | ||
| You know when you're sliding? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You know how to stop yourself sliding? | ||
| You're waiting to see the smoke. | ||
| Like any second now, something's going to snap and you're going to have to pull over. | ||
| Well, those cars too, the engine's in the back. | ||
| And so the ass end kicks out around corners. | ||
| And if you're going around a corner and you let off the gas. | ||
| You're going to fishtail it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially those old turbos, those old wild ones that people got. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh. | |
| Those things, they call them widow makers. | ||
| Giant ass engine in the back, skids out real easy. | ||
| Go around a corner, let off the gas, you spin around a circle and crash. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to teach people to keep their foot on the gas when they're going around a corner. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I'm, you know, fortunately I don't have the need for speed as much. | ||
| If I have a nice little straightaway, I'll get it on the 405 if there's an opportunity. | ||
| All my driving I do after midnight. | ||
| Oh, you like to get out of the house? | ||
| I get out of the house at night and I like taking my drives between midnight and three in the morning because there's nobody out there. | ||
| Just enjoy driving. | ||
| And I can just drive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I'll do a lap. | ||
| So I'll take the 605 to the 210 to the 134 and I'll just go through LA. Do you know who Magnus Walker is? | ||
| Magnus Walker is this Porsche expert. | ||
| He rebuilds old Porsches, makes them amazing. | ||
| But he has these videos about Porsches that are like a love letter to Porsche. | ||
| So he takes these old Porsches and drives them on the highway and he's a cool looking dude. | ||
| He's got crazy dreadlocks and fucking wears funky clothes and shit. | ||
| I think he made his money in a clothing business. | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| And so he has this warehouse in downtown L.A. where he keeps all these Porsches. | ||
| And he's got a video where he gets out and drives them. | ||
| He looks like a Magnus. | ||
| Yeah, that's Magnus. | ||
| Magnus. | ||
| He's got a cool English accent. | ||
| But see if you can find one of the videos of him. | ||
| Because there's a video of him. | ||
| I think it's called 9-11 Outlaw. | ||
| There was a video called 9-11 Outlaw, I think. | ||
| It was like one of the oldest videos where it just sort of... | ||
| It like... | ||
| Urban Outlawed. | ||
| Urban Outlawed. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So this was like the video where I found out about it. | ||
| This is a long ass time ago. | ||
| But this dude makes all these cars. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| So this is a real old car. | ||
| This is probably like a 68 or a 69 or something like that. | ||
| And he's got, you know, like just sort of a juiced up stock engine, but it's all air-cooled. | ||
| Everything is super, super lightweight. | ||
| Like that car only weighs 2,000 pounds. | ||
| And when, you know, he's got like the little air ducts he's put into the side. | ||
| A lot of the stuff that he's done in the car is very custom. | ||
| They listen to that. | ||
| So then he takes these motherfuckers out in downtown LA, and it's... | ||
| When you watch him do it, it's very addicting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, here, give me... | |
| Go earlier when you see him actually going fast in these things. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this is it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, that is a beautiful little car. | |
| And it's not fast, not compared to modern standards, but the pleasure you get out of driving one of those things. | ||
| It's like everything is analog. | ||
| You feel every bump. | ||
| It's like it's all just giving you feedback. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| And you see how there's no traffic and he's enjoying it. | ||
| It's a nighttime drive and he can actually, you know, give a guess if he wants to or chill. | ||
| This is before the pandemic, though. | ||
| Now it's a goddamn zombie movie. | ||
| I'm not going to lie. | ||
| I kind of enjoyed the drives during that. | ||
| I think that's what got me out of the house. | ||
| Oh, during the middle of the pandemic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm just like, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just mean in downtown LA. Downtown LA is fucked. | ||
| It's fucked. | ||
| So, I don't even know if he's still there anymore. | ||
| This is quite a while ago. | ||
| I would have fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, you did. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, if I was in downtown LA, I really would have. | ||
| Like, that place is crazy. | ||
| Dude, I remember filming Fear Factor in downtown LA in like 2003 or something like that. | ||
| It was crazy back then. | ||
| I was like, this is wild. | ||
| There's so many homeless people down there. | ||
| It is insane. | ||
| The amount of, I mean, tent cities everywhere you look. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Everywhere you look. | ||
| And it's just like, what the hell? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| It's so much. | ||
| And what kills me is some of these tents have electricity. | ||
| They got generators and TVs. | ||
| I'm like, whoa! | ||
| Are you homeless or are you camping? | ||
| Poles and shit. | ||
| They're opening up poles and pulling wires out and diverting power. | ||
| Some of these guys are like homeless electricians. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's like, okay. | ||
| I feel like they're making that choice. | ||
| Well, there's probably, as fucked up as it is, some kind of community to being a part of this struggle with all these other people that are sleeping on the streets. | ||
| And then there's open-air drug use. | ||
| And it's tolerated. | ||
| And then there's places where you can go, especially in Skid Row, and you can get some help. | ||
| You can get food. | ||
| It's fucked because it doesn't seem like it's getting any better at all. | ||
| They move them places. | ||
| They shift them out of certain spots when it becomes inconvenient. | ||
| And then they sort of drift back in eventually. | ||
| And then the other places, they get bigger and bigger. | ||
| The places where they neglect it, they just keep getting bigger. | ||
| That's all I'm seeing is they're getting kicked out and then they're finding, you know, like, oh, that community is now over here. | ||
| It's crazy that this was never an issue when we were kids. | ||
| It was never an issue. | ||
| Like, when do you remember when you were a kid seeing tents? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never. | ||
| And it's like, we're just supposed to accept that there's nothing that can be done. | ||
| Like, what are you gonna do? | ||
| Now there's tents. | ||
| Now what did you do? | ||
| What the fuck did you neglect that you let these people camp out on streets? | ||
| Why would you let that happen? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| You know, and is it encouraging them if you do let them do that? | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| But I know there's a lot of them and you're letting them do it. | ||
| It seems like there's more all the time and you're letting them do it and there used to be none. | ||
| There used to be no tents anywhere. | ||
| So tell me what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| Well, we have a very comprehensive homeless outreach program that doesn't do jack shit. | ||
| You know, my friend Coleon Noir is a lawyer, and he was in San Francisco talking to them about it. | ||
| And he was like, what is the problem here? | ||
| Is it a lack of funding? | ||
| And this guy who's talking goes, no, no, the opposite. | ||
| The people that are on these homeless commissions, they're making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. | ||
| So he shows this list to us of all the people in L.A. that are making money, that are supposed to be managing the homeless. | ||
| Some of them are making a quarter million dollars a year. | ||
| And they're out there, well, we're doing our best to outreach and give them safe crack pipes. | ||
| Like, it's madness. | ||
| People have no concept, no understanding of the situation. | ||
| Well, not only that, they have no incentive. | ||
| The people that are running it, if the homeless problem goes away, they don't have a job anymore. | ||
| So what are they going to do? | ||
| They're going to make sure it's manageable. | ||
| And well, we need more funding. | ||
| We're very close to cracking this problem. | ||
| We're going to need more funding. | ||
| And they just keep getting more funding. | ||
| And it has to be addressed like an environmental problem. | ||
| Like if there was a leak, an oil leak in the middle of the street, and all those places where the tents were, there was just giant puddles of oil that were coming out of the ground. | ||
| They would have to deal with that. | ||
| They would have to go, we have an environmental issue. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| It's getting into the water supply. | ||
| It's poisoning. | ||
| We can fix it, but it's going to take a lot of resources and time, but we're going to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have an environmental problem. | ||
| It's just humans, you know, and you've got to figure it out through a compassionate solution. | ||
| You got to do it with a sense of community, but you can't just let people fucking camp everywhere. | ||
| Crazy assholes. | ||
| It's not going to get better. | ||
| What are you going to bury your head in the sand until you're the president? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| We're going to just escape from LA after leaving the whole state of California, fucking disaster, and move to the White House? | ||
| Is that how it works? | ||
| Because no one's fixing it. | ||
| They're not fixing it in New York. | ||
| New York is just fucking crazy. | ||
| Another mess. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| San Francisco is the worst. | ||
| San Francisco is like a failed state. | ||
| San Francisco might as well be Libya. | ||
| That place is wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People are just shitting in the streets. | ||
| The crime is next level in San Francisco. | ||
| It is stupid. | ||
| Next level. | ||
| It is stupid. | ||
| People are parking their cars and leaving their windows rolled down and their hatches open. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they don't want to get smashed. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It doesn't matter what time of day. | ||
| It doesn't matter who's around. | ||
| It doesn't matter who's around. | ||
| No one's stopping anybody from doing anything. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy how quick San Francisco fucked. | ||
| Because everyone's pulling out of there. | ||
| Hotels are pulling out. | ||
| Supermarkets or chains like Walgreens pulling out. | ||
| They're like, what the fuck? | ||
| It's becoming a ghost town and they're not pumping the brakes on it. | ||
| I don't know what they do now at this point. | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| They don't have the resources to fix it now. | ||
| Because they fucked it up so bad for so long, and they would have to admit that all of their policies sucked. | ||
| And nobody's going to do that. | ||
| Nobody's going to do that. | ||
| We're going to do Fluffy. | ||
| You going to make your way to Texas? | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's go, Fluffy. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| We're going to wine you and dine you this weekend. | ||
| You know how many times I've come close to moving out here? | ||
| How many times? | ||
| Ooh, man. | ||
| I've been talking about San Antonio for at least 10 years. | ||
| San Antonio's dope. | ||
| At least 10 years. | ||
| Yeah, it's right up the street. | ||
| I got a good real estate agent. | ||
| I actually already own a house in San Antonio. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah, I bought it a long time ago. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But it's just, I feel like I'm going to get homesick. | ||
| And I feel like, ah. | ||
| Yeah, fly back home when you want to. | ||
| You keep... | ||
| Whenever you feel bad, fly back home and go, what the fuck is wrong with me? | ||
| And after a while, San Antonio will be your new home. | ||
| And there's that nice club out there, too. | ||
| Was it LOL? Yeah, they got LOL. What's the other one? | ||
| Not Cap City. | ||
| That was here. | ||
| The River Center Comedy Club. | ||
| They reopened Cap City, but not really. | ||
| The Helium guys opened it. | ||
| And it's in the domain out here. | ||
| Oh, it's not in the same place that it was? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That place is... | ||
| I don't know what's going on with that place. | ||
| The guy who owns that place just got in trouble. | ||
| Some sort of federal shit. | ||
| Bribery shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Always something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was looking at buying it a few years ago, but there was a lot of problems. | ||
| And they wanted way too much money for it. | ||
| And then I found this cult theater. | ||
| The theater was owned by the cult. | ||
| And I got out of that deal once there was problems with that place, too. | ||
| And then we got this place. | ||
| I'm excited to show it to you tonight. | ||
| Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| But, yeah, to answer your question, I've come close. | ||
| I've come close to coming to Texas a few times. | ||
| I've actually thought about Texas and Florida. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Some people are like, what, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When shit gets weird, you start wondering, like, you know, it could kind of be somewhere else. | ||
| You find yourself shaking your head and you're like, wow, what the hell are we doing? | ||
| What the hell are we doing? | ||
| You know, it's like, I'm paying for this? | ||
| Like, what am I? Also, there was the psychological aspect of it. | ||
| That was what was driving me crazy. | ||
| People that I knew were morons, like the mayor of L.A., The psychological aspect of having that guy having any control over what I do with my time, what I do for a living, what I can and can't do, what I'm allowed to do and not allowed to do, based on whatever guidelines he's presenting, bro, you can eat shit. | ||
| That guy's a moron. | ||
| And I don't like taking instruction from people that I know are bought and paid morons. | ||
| And that was just so frustrating because before that, you never had to deal with the mayors. | ||
| You never thought about the mayor. | ||
| What was the mayor going to do that's going to affect your life? | ||
| You would vote for the people that you thought had the best policies and supported the school systems and whatever you hoped that they would do. | ||
| But you never thought they would keep you from working. | ||
| Who the fuck saw that coming? | ||
| And keep you from even doing outdoor shows and even outdoor dining? | ||
| These people were maniacs. | ||
| And they were in charge of telling everybody what to do and I was like, this is not good. | ||
| And there's too many people in this town that think there's something good about being compliant. | ||
| You know, there's something good about, like, we're doing it for everyone else. | ||
| Like, are you fucking sure? | ||
| Are you sure these morons know what they're doing? | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| More businesses have, you know, went under and, you know, if you were lucky enough to recover or just weather the storm, that's one thing, but most people didn't. | ||
| Yeah, and not only that, those businesses, I bet all those people got COVID anyway. | ||
| Everybody got COVID anyway, I bet. | ||
| And I bet if those people got COVID and recovered, they would have been safe to run their fucking store. | ||
| Like, they just took the decision out of people's hands and it's been proven that it was a disaster. | ||
| It was a disaster for the economy, it was a disaster for mental health, it was a disaster for people's careers, it was a disaster for people's long-term businesses that they had to close. | ||
| Family businesses. | ||
| They had restaurants for 30 years. | ||
| Local neighborhood places that everybody went to. | ||
| Sorry, you can't work for a year and a half. | ||
| They just bled people out. | ||
| And meanwhile, these big giant stores, they just made more and more money because they're the only places you can go. | ||
| And they told people their job was essential or non-essential. | ||
| Like, who the fuck are you? | ||
| Guess what's non-essential? | ||
| You. | ||
| You. | ||
| You fucking half-wit. | ||
| Telling people what they can and can't do based on what? | ||
| Not even, no debating the science of it. | ||
| No real conversations with experts that had disagreeing opinions. | ||
| It was gross, man. | ||
| I was happy to get out of there. | ||
| Yeah, and then we wonder why there's so many tent cities. | ||
| You know that Gavin Newsom guy's running for president. | ||
| He's already started campaigning. | ||
| He's already started campaigning without campaigning. | ||
| He just did Sean Hannity, and he's ringing up California, talking about how great California is. | ||
| Every day I think about leaving, but it's still home. | ||
| I tell people, you know, when they say, what, you still, you still, yeah. | ||
| You know, I love my... | ||
| I love... | ||
| It's home. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| And that's the hard part. | ||
| Even though I'm a traveling comic, you know. | ||
| Yeah, you know. | ||
| I say, yeah, it's like... | ||
| Coming every now and then with like a fully armored Armada and just lock everything down. | ||
| And I got my little sanctuary that I've worked on for so many years to make my spot. | ||
| Exactly how you like it. | ||
| And then it's like, ugh. | ||
| But then I see that at the end of the year when I'm getting taxed that I'm like, ugh. | ||
| The tax alone would pay for everything in Texas. | ||
| Those tax people are so silly. | ||
| They want so much money. | ||
| I wish it was going somewhere. | ||
| I wish it was going somewhere really good. | ||
| Like, if the taxes were very high, but then you looked at the quality of life that you get from it, and you're like, wow, they do an amazing job with all this tax money. | ||
| Now they do a terrible job. | ||
| It's fucking overrun with bureaucracy and too many people and nothing gets fixed and nothing gets done. | ||
| It's like, bleh! | ||
| Yeah, I still see the potholes. | ||
| I hit them. | ||
| Yeah, that's minor. | ||
| That's minor. | ||
| The homelessness is the biggest one. | ||
| Like, that is bonkers. | ||
| That you think you are doing your job, if you are governing a city that has 100,000 homeless people or whatever it is, what do we say it is? | ||
| 65? | ||
| They guess. | ||
| They're guessing. | ||
| They're guessing. | ||
| They ain't doing a fucking survey. | ||
| No, you're here all the time. | ||
| What is it like here? | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| There's homeless people. | ||
| There's homeless people in every city. | ||
| But there's way less. | ||
| And they cleaned up all the tents around the city. | ||
| Every now and then they pop up under the bridge, but they clean them up and then they come back and then they clean them up and they come back. | ||
| But at least they clean them up. | ||
| At least they don't allow them to accumulate and become like a village in San Francisco. | ||
| Whereas San Francisco, essentially they have these open-air drug dens. | ||
| Michael Schellenberger wrote a great book about it called San Francisco and he talks about how these progressive policies are just destroying these cities. | ||
| It's like you have to make a correction and they're not making a correction. | ||
| So what are you gonna do? | ||
| I wish I had the answer for that, yeah. | ||
| When you go on the road, do you go on the road for just weekends or do you do like long stretches? | ||
| I guess it depends on if it's a big tour. | ||
| Like right now, I'm just doing nothing but clubs. | ||
| After the Dodger Stadium show, my agent and my manager wanted me to ride the wave of the success of the special and go back and tour hard. | ||
| And I'm like, no, I want to just pump the brakes for a little bit. | ||
| I want to remind myself why I love this so much. | ||
| So I said, I just want to do nothing but clubs for at least half a year. | ||
| And so just doing shows, you know, I'll still do, you know, my four sets a week because I was doing, you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. | ||
| But now I'm just doing it at one place and then doing two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, you know, get my sets in and go home. | ||
| And yeah, I'm not making the same money, but the peace of mind is incredible. | ||
| You know, I'm not stressing about money. | ||
| I'm not stressing about paying for these tour buses or paying for the rigs or paying for the production. | ||
| You know, what's going on at the end of the night at the arena. | ||
| I mean, there's so much that goes into it. | ||
| And to be able to just walk into a club and focus on, let me just be funny and have fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a great way to write a new hour, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love the fact that when I'm doing these clubs, everybody's a lot more excited. | ||
| First of all, the staff is incredible. | ||
| No matter where I'm going, everybody's been super great. | ||
| And the crowds have been super appreciative that they can watch an intimate show like that. | ||
| Because even if you're sitting in the back row of the club, at an arena, that's like row three. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And so it's been a lot of fun and I've enjoyed it. | ||
| And it reminded me how much I love this. | ||
| Because I think at a certain point, I became a hoe. | ||
| I became a hoe and it became more about the money. | ||
| Because, dude, once the money started coming, it's like you get scared because it's so much and it's coming at you from all these different angles and you're having these meetings and they're going over your portfolio and we've got to invest this and we've got to do that and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And now, you know, I have employees. | ||
| I never had employees and now I employ like 30 people, which is insane, you know? | ||
| And if I stop working, they all stop working. | ||
| So then it turns into this thing where, you know, you feel almost like you're obligated to work even more to take care of everybody else. | ||
| That's Bert Kreischer. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So when I told my team I want to do clubs for half a year, they were not happy about it. | ||
| And they're like, you're missing out. | ||
| You really, this, you got to strike while the iron's hot. | ||
| No, they're missing out. | ||
| They're not, you know, they see one thing and, you know, as creatives, it's very different. | ||
| Yeah, but they have to, like, not give you creative advice. | ||
| That's very important for non-creative people. | ||
| But that's not creative advice. | ||
| It's financial. | ||
| Right, but creative for you is I need to fill my creative void. | ||
| I want to go out there and fuck around. | ||
| I want to have a good time. | ||
| That's the creative aspect of it. | ||
| When you're doing a show, you got a show. | ||
| There's 15,000 people in there. | ||
| It's a show. | ||
| It's a different kind of thing. | ||
| You're not going to really write in front of 15,000 people. | ||
| You write and fuck around in front of a small crowd. | ||
| It's a creative choice. | ||
| They're wrong anyway. | ||
| You ain't getting off that wave, son. | ||
| You don't have to worry about that wave, riding the wave. | ||
| You'll be on that wave for the rest of your life. | ||
| You don't have to worry about that wave. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Yeah, you don't have to worry about that wave at all. | ||
| They can relax. | ||
| You can take a year off and get off fucking Instagram and Twitter and just vanish for a year and come back and crush it. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| You can do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| That was the one thing about COVID is I had never taken a break that long from comedy, ever. | ||
| It's amazing how much energy you have when you have to work every night. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can actually get on a schedule. | ||
| For me, I've always dealt with the weight issue. | ||
| It's always been a thing for me. | ||
| But being home for a year and actually being able to focus and I had a trainer and everything, I was able to lose 70 pounds. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| See all the doctors that I've been avoiding because I've been on the road. | ||
| I've actually got to go see everybody and find out how I was doing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I felt like it was helpful. | ||
| I never take time off. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I work all the time. | ||
| I'm on the road 46 weeks out of the year. | ||
| Well, you always have been. | ||
| That's always been your reputation. | ||
| That's why, you know, we were always talking about the, even at the Ice House shows. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| The 2 p.m. | ||
| kids show, yeah. | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Nobody does that. | ||
| Nobody has four shows in a day. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| And I used to do the shows, and then as soon as I'd get off stage, I'd go outside and do a full-blown meet-and-greet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| So I would meet every single... | ||
| Like, do the show, do a meet-and-greet, and then by the time the meet-and-greet was over, it was time for me to go back up on stage. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And so I was doing that, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I was doing that every week forever. | ||
| But I think that's also what helped to build everything up. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You're engaging with people, you're... | ||
| Yeah, real grassroots. | ||
| You were, like, really getting out there and hanging out. | ||
| We used to always do that at the Ice House, have those meet and greets afterwards. | ||
| Hang out, talk to people. | ||
| That's a great club. | ||
| That setup back there is amazing. | ||
| Just that little... | ||
| Have you been there recently? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| I haven't been when it's remodeled. | ||
| I heard... | ||
| The buses did an amazing job with it. | ||
| It's very modern. | ||
| Part of it is, like, they killed certain things that kind of made it the club club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| Where now it feels a little bit more... | ||
| It's too clean. | ||
| Corporate? | ||
| Too clean? | ||
| I don't know why they would fuck with it. | ||
| It was literally perfect. | ||
| There's a skybox in the back of the room. | ||
| Literally a skybox in the back of the room. | ||
| And if it's the room for the comics to chill in, it's badass. | ||
| It's the greatest green room ever. | ||
| But it's now considered a VIP room in the back. | ||
| And there's like a glass. | ||
| So it's a place where people can just talk while you're on stage. | ||
| So that's what it looks like? | ||
| Back there. | ||
| Oh, that's weird. | ||
| So the room still feels good. | ||
| I remember that room. | ||
| So they just basically opened that room up because it used to be that room was closed off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So it's not like the room's any smaller. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| The room is the same size and, you know, it's still fun. | ||
| It's still fun to perform in there. | ||
| It's just very different. | ||
| And as somebody that spent years going there to all of a sudden see, you know, you enter through the front, through the street, whereas before you'd enter through the alley. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| I mean, everything just looks really, really nice. | ||
| They changed it, but I feel like if you're the oldest club in the country, man, you gotta look a little bit more classic. | ||
| Yeah, old school. | ||
| A lot of the changes, I'm like, ugh. | ||
| A skybox is a weird choice, but whatever. | ||
| Maybe it works. | ||
| Like I said, that was just a closed off room before, you know? | ||
| Remember? | ||
| You wouldn't even be able to see the stage. | ||
| It was like mirrors back there. | ||
| No, it was just, yeah, it's the little wall. | ||
| And then the room behind it was like a dining. | ||
| What did they do with the little room? | ||
| They had that little room? | ||
| So the Little Room, they actually made the Little Room bigger, and they're making it so that they can have jazz and live music. | ||
| It actually looks really cool, but again, it's not the old Ice House. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not the old Ice House. | ||
| Nostalgia. | ||
| Nostalgia. | ||
| Yeah, there's no more nostalgia. | ||
| Everything's new, clean, and just pretty. | ||
| Well, listen, I'm just happy that someone dumped a bunch of money into it. | ||
| Fixed it and finally reopened it. | ||
| And wants good comedy there, you know? | ||
| Are they doing like headliners on the weekend? | ||
| How are they doing it? | ||
| Well, I don't think it's set up as a showcase like Melrose or any of the other clubs and stuff. | ||
| It's definitely headliners on the weekend. | ||
| Yeah, there's, when you're talking about like outside of LA, there's Pasadena, there's Comedy Magic, there's a few other, there's always like Irvine, but then you're far out. | ||
| Now you're going pretty far, you know? | ||
| And those clubs are definitely headliners only. | ||
| There's not, there are no showcasing stuff like that. | ||
| There's not like real comedy comedy clubs or showcase clubs outside of the city, right? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Once you get past the ha-ha, what else you got? | ||
| Flappers. | ||
| I was at Flappers a couple weeks ago. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| It's a great room. | ||
| These rooms, and it's just like, wow. | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| Just went out there and had a good time. | ||
| Yeah, Flappers is a great room, but it's a weird room, like, where whenever I would go there, I'm like, who are you guys? | ||
| Like, I don't know any of you. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| And now it's just one owner. | ||
| It's Barbara. | ||
| Oh, I mean the comics. | ||
| Oh, okay, okay, I'm sorry. | ||
| A lot of the comics, like, where else do you guys work? | ||
| Like, I never see you anywhere. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| There was like a specific group that was always at flappers. | ||
| I was like, this is a strange little group of people. | ||
| You know, people find their little cliques. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was going to say, it's like back in the day, you knew everybody. | ||
| You knew who was doing it, and you knew where they were at. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now it's like, I open my, I blink, and there's 10 more comics. | ||
| And it's like, wow. | ||
| There's so many. | ||
| Blame podcasts. | ||
| Ah, nice. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| So many people listen to podcasts like, damn, I want to do that. | ||
| Sounds like fun. | ||
| You think of it like, also, you hear the people on the podcast like, these guys are kind of stupid. | ||
| I think I could do it better than them. | ||
| It's always, I think I can do better than them. | ||
| Yeah, always. | ||
| You know, part of it's making it look easy. | ||
| And then they're like, oh, I can do that. | ||
| Well, the problem is, like, think about what you do. | ||
| You go up there and you talk. | ||
| Well, everybody can talk. | ||
| Like, it's confusing. | ||
| So, like, a person in the audience is like, I can talk too. | ||
| How come he gets to talk and I don't get to talk? | ||
| Like, you start thinking that you could do what they do. | ||
| That's why it's hilarious when you see someone try to go on stage and talk to an audience that's drunk. | ||
| Like, you think you can go up here and do it? | ||
| And they go, yeah, and they get up there and they, like, freeze like a deer in the headlights and then they realize, like, how weird it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But when someone like you is relaxed and on stage, it seems like he's just talking. | ||
| I can just talk too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, it's easier than it looks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I feel fortunate that when I'm on stage, I actually feel more comfortable on stage. | ||
| Like, I feel like there's nothing I can't do when I'm up there. | ||
| Well, you're heightened, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because also, you've been doing it so long, you're super confident you're going to kill. | ||
| So you get up there, it's like, yeah! | ||
| It's an extra superpower. | ||
| And then having the eyes, too. | ||
| For example, one-on-one, it's like, hey, can you do 20 push-ups? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Put me in front of a crowd and put that pressure on me. | ||
| For some reason, I'm going to find a way to do it. | ||
| I'm a big dude, so I'm not very agile. | ||
| But on stage, for some reason, I can run on stage. | ||
| Yeah, adrenaline. | ||
| I feel like there's nothing I can't do when I'm up there. | ||
| But then as soon as I get off the stage, I go back to, you know, deflate. | ||
| You said you lost a lot of weight. | ||
| What did you do in terms of your diet? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I was very consistent. | ||
| I was able to eat and have a plan. | ||
| I'd have breakfast, I'd have lunch, I'd have dinner. | ||
| Whereas before, God, I was always on the road. | ||
| So it's like I never wanted to eat before I went up on stage because then it would mess with like I get heartburn and you don't want to be burping or farting in front of a crowd. | ||
| So I wait until the end. | ||
| And then by the time the show's over, what's available to eat? | ||
| Terrible food. | ||
| Terrible food. | ||
| And you're starving. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So you can't wait to eat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then go to sleep. | ||
| And then it was just that cycle, repeat. | ||
| And it just, you know, over the years, man, it got good to me. | ||
| So I gained all that weight. | ||
| So being home for a year, you know, I was having an actual regular clean breakfast of, you know, nothing crazy from the road. | ||
| It was all food that was store-bought and preparing my own food. | ||
| You can get like a meal prep company that will make meals for you that are like lower- I've done those. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I've done those. | ||
| How did that work? | ||
| I was into it for a couple weeks, but then it's like, oh, man, I'm tired of fucking- Tired of this shit! | ||
| What helped out a lot, too, was that every day I was walking a lot. | ||
| I was lifting weights three times a week. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| And then again, going to see my doctors, getting on certain plans. | ||
| I wear a monitor now for my sugar. | ||
| So I'm able to keep tabs on my sugar, whereas before, it was out of control. | ||
| I was averaging waking up at 400, which is like... | ||
| What's normal? | ||
| Normal, you want to be somewhere between 80 and 120, at least for me. | ||
| And so, yeah, I was riding the, what they say, the check engine light on for too long. | ||
| And so, you know, and then I got high blood pressure. | ||
| And of course, you know, you don't know it until they tell you or until you, you know, check yourself. | ||
| So then getting on medication for that, getting on medication for diabetes and, you know. | ||
| Now I'm sounding like Joe Teeth. | ||
| Hey, you gotta cocksucker, you gotta get the diabetes, you gotta get this and that. | ||
| But getting my health in order with the doctor and with the food and with the working out, whereas I wasn't able to do that on the road. | ||
| Or I would make a lot more excuses because I didn't, you know... | ||
| Well, also, you want to have energy for those shows. | ||
| And sometimes when you work out really hard... | ||
| And when you're really tired, it's hard to fire back up to get ready for the show, especially if it's a new thing you're doing. | ||
| If your body's adapted to it, you can do it pretty easy. | ||
| But if your body's not adapted to it, like a hard workout, it's like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And all my energy goes into the show. | ||
| So when I'm up there, I'm hitting it, hitting it, hitting it. | ||
| I'm not sluggish. | ||
| I'm not standing still. | ||
| I'm up there, man. | ||
| I'm performing. | ||
| But then when I get off, I'm like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing is, if you did get healthy and you did get in shape, it would really genuinely help your ability to maintain that. | ||
| Because, I mean, just imagine if you said you lost 70 pounds. | ||
| Imagine if you had to do your show right now with a 70-pound vest on. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Yeah, it sucks. | ||
| And that's the reality of weight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the reality of gravity. | ||
| My knees, my hips. | ||
| Yeah, everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everything. | |
| Breathing harder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I do workouts with a 25-pound vest on. | ||
| And just a 25-pound vest on, just 25 pounds, it's not even that much. | ||
| Like, if you pick up 25 pounds, it doesn't seem like much. | ||
| That 25-pound vest makes a giant difference. | ||
| Do everything with that vest on, and everything's way harder. | ||
| Farmers' carries, chin-ups, push-ups, dips, bodyweight squats, everything's harder with just 25 pounds. | ||
| People gain and lose 25 pounds like it's nothing. | ||
| But when you're walking around with that 25 pounds on, that is just, you're carrying that, man. | ||
| That's a lot of burden on your resources, your biological resources, your tissue, your bones, your joints, your hip, your back. | ||
| You just fatigue, you know? | ||
| And then maybe the writing that you do. | ||
| Maybe your writing would be sharper. | ||
| Maybe you'd have more that you were thinking about if you had more pumping through your body, you know? | ||
| Oh, believe me, I agree 100% with everything that you're saying. | ||
| It's not even an issue of not knowing or not understanding or not seeing the bigger picture. | ||
| Got to get you on Adderall and Ozempic. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I just got on Ozempic. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Does it work? | ||
| Want to hear something funny? | ||
| I got approached by Ozempic early on before they had the fucking song. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| What's the song? | ||
| I didn't even know they have a song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, oh, oh, Ozempic. | |
| It's based on that old song, yeah. | ||
| Oh, it's Magic, that song? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so they approached me and they wanted me to be their spokesperson for Ozempic. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| And, you know, we took a meeting and everything and, I mean, you know. | ||
| I appreciated the fact that they actually approached a diabetic to be the spokesperson. | ||
| Diabetes medicine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm going to be the new Wilford Brimley. | ||
| So the deal didn't work out. | ||
| But you're still doing it. | ||
| So you're on it. | ||
| What's funny is I wasn't on it when I took the meeting. | ||
| Like I said, when 2020 hit and I went to go see my doctor, he goes, I'm going to put you on this thing called Ozempic. | ||
| I'm like, are you freaking kidding me? | ||
| I'm like, I couldn't be getting that shit for free. | ||
| But yeah, so it's once I, you know, give myself the shot once a week. | ||
| Some people use it to lose weight. | ||
| You know, like people that aren't necessarily really big will use that to, you know, suppress their appetite and stuff like that. | ||
| Because it will make you a little nauseous. | ||
| Like in the mornings I wake up and I'm like, oh, I gotta drink like a shake or something. | ||
| So you only do it once a week. | ||
| When people are on it for weight loss, do they do it like every day? | ||
| Like how often do they do it? | ||
| I don't know what the cycle is for using Ozempic for weight loss. | ||
| But I just know that when I first did it, I dropped 15 pounds in, God, like a week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So your body will react to it immediately, but then, of course, you plateau and stuff like that. | ||
| They say that it limits your appetite. | ||
| That's one of the big effects of it. | ||
| Yeah, because I was waking up queasy. | ||
| And so, you know, you can feel a little nauseous. | ||
| You're not really trying to... | ||
| It's crazy because it's everywhere. | ||
| Like, you see all these ads for it. | ||
| And even, like, Tony Hinchcliffe brought this up. | ||
| Like, CNN had a thing on it that it seems like a story, but it kind of is an ad. | ||
| It's kind of an ad for Ozempic, but it seems like it's a story about Hollywood celebrities, but really just jazzing up the fact that everybody's taking Ozempic. | ||
| It seems like there's something more going on there other than just... | ||
| Just Ozempic? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You probably got paid to do that story. | ||
| Because I'm telling you, I take it every week, and that initial first hit of the weight loss, yeah, it's true. | ||
| But at least it didn't continue for me. | ||
| How often do people take Ozempic when they're trying to lose weight, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, so once a week. | ||
| It's like also you tapering off, I think, or yeah. | ||
| Or maybe it gets higher. | ||
| I think maybe it's actually ramping up the dosage, you know? | ||
| Like you start, well, let's say like 0.25 units up to like one full. | ||
| But there's supposed to be a time where you're supposed to get off of it, right? | ||
| As far as if you're trying to cut weight with it, I don't know. | ||
| It is like a cycle. | ||
| You're supposed to be 12 weeks on, probably 12 weeks off. | ||
| These motherfuckers are pushing that. | ||
| But it does help regulate my sugar. | ||
| Between the monitor, because my monitor is always checking my sugar. | ||
| For example, right now, I don't have the monitor with me. | ||
| It's in the car because the honey spikes my sugar like nothing else. | ||
| But because my voice is a little off right now, that's why I'm taking the honey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So do you watch like sugar, like bread? | ||
| You cut that stuff out of your diet? | ||
| After a while, you start knowing exactly what does what. | ||
| So you already know like, oh, I can eat that. | ||
| I shouldn't. | ||
| And then, you know, you see things and you're like, all right, this is going to set it off. | ||
| So I also have my, I take insulin. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So I play that game. | ||
| How long have you been doing that? | ||
| Oh god, over five years for sure. | ||
| So is this type 2 diabetes? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So that's the type that you can reverse with diet and exercise? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And again, it's not for lack of knowing. | ||
| I already know. | ||
| I get it, bro. | ||
| And that's what sucks. | ||
| It's like, I feel like everything that I've ever attempted to do for my career, I've been able to do. | ||
| But for myself, my personal self, losing weight's been the hardest thing. | ||
| The hardest fucking thing in the world. | ||
| Somebody explained it to me and it makes a lot of sense. | ||
| One of the reasons why food addictions are the hardest to stop is because you still have to eat food. | ||
| Whereas, like, say if you had a gambling addiction, and you went and got counseling, and you stayed out of the casinos, and now you don't have to think about it anymore. | ||
| You don't have to gamble every day, but you have to eat every day. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So if you have an addiction to food, and then you're eating fucking celery... | ||
| A little bit of peanut butter on it. | ||
| Like, what is this? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Well, I would just eat the peanut butter. | ||
| I'd eat the peanut butter off the celery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, it's just, it's hard. | ||
| It's a very difficult one because the fact that you have to engage in the same activity that you're addicted to, which is eating. | ||
| You have to, in order to stay alive. | ||
| You know, and then you hear words like, oh, moderation. | ||
| Oh, you just gotta be, you know, be more mindful. | ||
| I'm like, ugh. | ||
| Well, it's like everybody's got their own thing, too. | ||
| It's a feeling. | ||
| It is like a drug. | ||
| It's like when you're eating some pasta. | ||
| It's like, oh! | ||
| You feel good. | ||
| You're sitting there like, oh! | ||
| It's not just the eating part. | ||
| It's how you feel when you're doing it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That is all Italian food is for me. | ||
| I mean, it's the feeling of it. | ||
| It's like, oh! | ||
| When you're all sitting around drinking red wine, I know I'm going to feel like dog shit in like an hour. | ||
| Later, but at that time. | ||
| At that moment, it's worth it. | ||
| But it's just only worth it for me like once in a blue moon. | ||
| When I eat like that all the time, I get fat. | ||
| I just like get slower. | ||
| My brain doesn't work as well. | ||
| You get foggy. | ||
| Yeah, I get foggy. | ||
| And it's so easy to gain weight. | ||
| It's so easy to keep eating when you're eating, like, bread and pasta. | ||
| I could just overeat pasta to the end of time. | ||
| Like, I'm done eating, but I still want more. | ||
| Like, I'm more than stuffed, and I'm still, like, twirling my fork in that spaghetti. | ||
| And for me, bread is the biggest crack. | ||
| And then they come over with some tiramisu, and you're like, fuck it, I'm in. | ||
| So you're already stuffed. | ||
| You can't even eat any more spaghetti, and you're just down in tiramisu. | ||
| Yeah, I've had some very high-calorie meals. | ||
| But as long as I don't allow myself to do that every now and again, I'm good. | ||
| So what I do is I eat almost entirely meat. | ||
| That's most of my diet. | ||
| High-protein diet, yeah. | ||
| I'm on what's called a carnivore diet. | ||
| I'll have a piece of fruit every now and again, but that's kind of it. | ||
| A little piece of lettuce. | ||
| I've cheated a couple of times. | ||
| I had an acai bowl the other day, but it's rare. | ||
| And I feel great when I eat like this. | ||
| I just feel... | ||
| I lose weight, I get lighter, and I'm more clear-headed, which is very strange. | ||
| I think it's because your body starts processing ketones. | ||
| Your brain starts processing ketones instead of carbohydrates. | ||
| Anytime I've had success with weight loss, it's always because I cut out, you know, I went higher on the protein, and I cut back on the breads and the pastas and the sugars and stuff. | ||
| We're gonna get you a guy, Gabe. | ||
| I'm gonna get you a guy. | ||
| We're gonna get you somebody to fucking set you right. | ||
| We're gonna do this. | ||
| I want to make it a project. | ||
| Some of the things I've tried, I've actually hired a nutritionist to live with me, like a person making me my food. | ||
| What's an annoying person cooking in your house? | ||
| God, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck out of here. | |
| I couldn't take it. | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I choose happiness. | ||
| I'd rather be fat. | ||
| If you'd rather choose happiness, too. | ||
| The thing is, you can do both. | ||
| You can enjoy food, and you can also lose weight and be healthy. | ||
| But you have to do it the right way. | ||
| And you have to do it in a way that's sustainable. | ||
| That's what's difficult for people. | ||
| I keep hearing the word lifestyle. | ||
| It's a lifestyle. | ||
| You just gotta get addicted to being healthy, right? | ||
| You're addicted to food, you know, and I am too. | ||
| I get addicted to food. | ||
| But you also can get addicted to being healthy. | ||
| Another thing that happens is when you start eating really healthy, especially when you start eating low-carbohydrate, high-fat, high-animal fat, animal meat, your gut biome changes. | ||
| And that starts becoming what you're interested in eating. | ||
| Like, your body craves that. | ||
| If I eat a lot of sugar and a lot of carbohydrates, I just want to eat it all the time. | ||
| I want to eat bread with butter. | ||
| I want to have a sandwich. | ||
| I want to have a bowl of spaghetti or a lasagna or something like that. | ||
| But when I don't eat like that, that's not what I crave. | ||
| Then I crave meat. | ||
| That's where I'm at right now. | ||
| So I'm two months in. | ||
| So I'm just trying to eat eggs and meat all the time. | ||
| That's all I'm hungry for. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I've been able to do that for a while, but then I start craving. | ||
| I start craving the bread or tortillas or pasta or rice. | ||
| Yeah, talk to me. | ||
| Rice. | ||
| And it's just like, ugh. | ||
| The problem is Mexican food is so fucking delicious. | ||
| Oh, yes it is. | ||
| It is amazing. | ||
| It's so fucking delicious, bro. | ||
| I love me a Mexican restaurant, like, one of them hole-in-the-walls that has the Mexican soap operas playing and nobody speaks English. | ||
| You know you're gonna get the real shit. | ||
| There's a place called The Big Burrito in, uh, I think it was in, it's like right outside of Woodland Hills, where my old studio was. | ||
| And we would go down there, man, it was sensational. | ||
| Lengua quesadillas, they had real menudo that smells like a barn. | ||
| It was outstanding. | ||
| The real shit, you know? | ||
| With all the oils and the red and fucking the tripe and woo! | ||
| God damn, it's good. | ||
| Like the letters in the window. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's the spot. | ||
| That's the spot. | ||
| That place is so legit. | ||
| Ah, look at the little thing where you can buy the toys for a quarter. | ||
| I used to not blow them up. | ||
| I used to not blow them up because I didn't want to ruin it. | ||
| But they sent me a message the other day thanking me because we've talked about it a bunch of times. | ||
| It's so legit. | ||
| But there's a bunch of those places. | ||
| They're all throughout L.A., you know? | ||
| I mean, when you got a lot of Mexicans, you got a lot of great Mexican food. | ||
| It's like you go to the East Coast, a lot of Italians, a lot of great Italian foods. | ||
| You know, you got to go to where those people make it, like, authentic. | ||
| And out here they do Tex-Mex. | ||
| Which is a little different. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I like it a lot. | ||
| I like Tex-Mex. | ||
| I prefer Tex-Mex over regular Mexican food. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| That's sacrum. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| That's the kind of Mexican I am. | ||
| No, Tex-Mex is awesome. | ||
| What's your favorite shit? | ||
| Barbacoa. | ||
| Barbacoa tacos. | ||
| Oh, talk to me. | ||
| I like how you say that. | ||
| Pork guisada taco. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah, that's good stuff. | ||
| Yeah, and actually, I can find that here. | ||
| Yeah, all the food here is sensational. | ||
| I'll let you know now where I'm going after I leave. | ||
| It's the hard spot to be on a good diet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's so many good spots. | ||
| It's an interesting city because it's so artistic. | ||
| There's so much live music, you know, and now the comedy scene's exploding and the food scene's exploding. | ||
| There's so many great restaurants here. | ||
| Oh, this is a great food city. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| A great food city. | ||
| While you're in town, I get to send you out to Sushi by Scratch. | ||
| It's in Cedar Park. | ||
| It's about 30 minutes from here. | ||
| It is the most sensational sushi you will ever have in your life. | ||
| It's omakase. | ||
| You sit down there. | ||
| The dude's got a Michelin star. | ||
| It's sensational. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| It's so good, dude. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| He's got two different Michelin stars at two different restaurants he runs. | ||
| That's a bad dude. | ||
| He's a bad man. | ||
| Philip Franklin Lee, my man. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He also runs a fucking killer burger place here called Not A Damn Chance Burger. | ||
| He just makes one kind of cheeseburger but does it perfect with, like, wagyu, ground beef, and just pickles, onions, American cheese. | ||
| Bam! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you eat it, you're like, Jesus Christ, this is good. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah, losing weight's hard, Joe. | ||
| I hear you, brother. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| I hear you, man. | ||
| And then, you know, it's like the better comedy got for me and just, you know, you're able to afford to eat out every night. | ||
| And that becomes a problem, too. | ||
| I was in much better shape when I was broke. | ||
| When I was broke and I couldn't afford to go out and eat at some of these places, man... | ||
| I was, you know, I was still a big kid, but I wasn't where I'm at now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But being able to go and like, what? | ||
| You want to go eat, you know, a Ruth Chris Steakhouse and have some baked potatoes and have a steak dipped in butter? | ||
| Let's go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, let's do it. | |
| Let's go. | ||
| You want to go again? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go. | |
| And it's just like, dude, at a certain point that becomes a reality, and you lose touch with the fact that you're getting it over your head. | ||
| The key to getting you in shape, though, is someone has to do it correctly, and they've got to do it slow. | ||
| And they've got to do it with a heart monitor, and they've got to do it with a monitor your heart rate variability. | ||
| Like, you should use a whoop strap or some other similar kind of thing. | ||
| And have someone do it, making sure your sleep is good and making sure that your nutrient levels are good. | ||
| And just slowly. | ||
| Start slowly. | ||
| That's a lot of monitoring. | ||
| Yeah, but that's how they have to do it. | ||
| That's to do it right. | ||
| All I heard was strap and monitoring. | ||
| I was like, all right. | ||
| The Whoop is an easy one. | ||
| You wear it on your wrist. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| Oh, is that like a Fitbit or what is that? | ||
| Yeah, it's like that. | ||
| But it gets your heart rate. | ||
| It finds out when you're sleeping. | ||
| It gives you all this information, what your recovery is based on heart rate variability. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's a really good device. | ||
| It's simple, easy to use. | ||
| The app's easy to use. | ||
| The good thing about it is you don't have to guess. | ||
| If you wake up and you go, I feel like shit, and then you look at your recovery like, you shouldn't feel like shit. | ||
| Maybe you're just being a lazy bitch. | ||
| And you go, let me just start working out a little bit and see how I feel. | ||
| And most of the times when I do that, As long as I'm not really... | ||
| You've got to know your body. | ||
| Sometimes I'm like, I might be fighting something off. | ||
| I feel weak. | ||
| Maybe I'm just going to go light and just break a little sweat and then go home. | ||
| But other times, they break that sweat and you're like, whoa, let's go! | ||
| And then you start feeling it. | ||
| You're like, I just need to get woken up. | ||
| So it gives you data, which I think is important. | ||
| So you make informed decisions. | ||
| So if you wake up and you... | ||
| A lot of my friends found out they had COVID. Because they woke up and they just didn't feel right and they looked at their whoop strap and it said like, hey, your recovery was like 10%. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| Like, why is my heart rate so high? | ||
| You know, and then they get tested and they go, oh, you got COVID. So good. | ||
| Now you can calm down and recover from it without letting your body get seriously taxed out and getting really sick. | ||
| So now... | ||
| Slow down now and now let's treat it now. | ||
| So a lot of people that I know that did that, they've avoided flus and avoided them getting really bad because you catch them early. | ||
| It gives you a heads up. | ||
| Catch them early, get a vitamin IV drip. | ||
| You ever do those? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Ooh, that's good. | ||
| That's a game changer. | ||
| That's a game changer. | ||
| Vitamin IV with zinc, that's a game changer. | ||
| The whole cocktail. | ||
| Oh, the whole cocktail. | ||
| That immunity cocktail. | ||
| I'm totally all for it. | ||
| Oh, so good for you. | ||
| So good for you. | ||
| High dose vitamin C. Just give it to me, baby. | ||
| You walk out of there, you feel like... | ||
| I found, though, that I was doing a lot more of those for recovery versus being like... | ||
| From getting hammered? | ||
| Not necessarily just from being hammered, but, you know, because I do drink. | ||
| But, you know, just being out there on the road for so much. | ||
| It's like, go, go, go, go, go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, let's add a show. | ||
| Sure, let's do it. | ||
| And then it's like drained. | ||
| And I found that I was getting that done regularly. | ||
| More so to recover versus, let me just do it to be more proactive. | ||
| I learned it from Dave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| The first time I was going on the road with Dave, he goes, you want to get an IV? I'm like, what are you guys doing? | ||
| You go into his room. | ||
| He's got a fucking penthouse room, right? | ||
| So we go into his room, and there's like trees set up where they have these IV trees, and this whole crew is sitting there getting IV bags. | ||
| I'm like, this is amazing. | ||
| This is so rock star. | ||
| This is so next level. | ||
| They drink tequila until like 3 o'clock in the morning, do mushrooms, and the next day they get IV'd. | ||
| And the first time I did it, I was like, oh! | ||
| Because, like, we had gone hard. | ||
| We did the Tacoma Dome in Seattle, wherever the hell it is, Tacoma, Washington. | ||
| We were fucking, we got out. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| It was, like, one of the first ones we did. | ||
| So it was just crazy afterwards. | ||
| And we went out and we saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. | ||
| Privately in a movie. | ||
| Dave rented out the whole movie theater. | ||
| They had popcorn for us and everything. | ||
| It was fucking amazing. | ||
| And it was like 3 in the morning. | ||
| And, you know, everybody's hammered. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And Donnell Rollins starts snoring. | ||
| A bunch of people started snoring. | ||
| It was fun, though, man. | ||
| But then the next day, you're like, oh, Jesus, we got a show tonight? | ||
| But you get that IV, you're like... | ||
| I'm still good. | ||
| You fire right back up. | ||
| Have a good meal in you. | ||
| Get some vitamins. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Let's fucking go. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Watching a movie at 3 a.m. | ||
| In a theater. | ||
| In a theater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Eating popcorn, too. | ||
| They have bags of popcorn for us. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| They had candy laid out for us. | ||
| That is awesome. | ||
| Dave's a rock star. | ||
| He's a different human. | ||
| You're traveling with him. | ||
| People just let him do shit. | ||
| Fire up a cigarette in a restaurant. | ||
| No one says shit. | ||
| How awesome is that? | ||
| Only him and Snoop could probably pull that off. | ||
| Yeah, Snoop could pull it off. | ||
| Snoop could spark up a joint in the middle of a police station and they would just smile. | ||
| Can I get a picture, Snoop? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you achieve legendary status. | ||
| You deserve that, you know? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| It's part of the thing. | ||
| But it's just cool to know people like that, you know? | ||
| That's one of the nice things about LA, too, is that they were always coming through. | ||
| And that's nice about Austin. | ||
| A lot of guys have been coming through. | ||
| So it's like, you know, when someone's in town doing a theater, I'll go check them out. | ||
| Go to the arena. | ||
| We went to see Bill Burr when he was at the arena. | ||
| Went to see Louie. | ||
| He was down here at the Moody. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's been fun. | ||
| The Moody! | ||
| That's where I was at last time. | ||
| God, that place is awesome. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| We were there for the Kill Tony 10-year anniversary show on Saturday night. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| Because I was there. | ||
| Have you ever done Kill Tony? | ||
| No. | ||
| You've got to do Kill Tony. | ||
| You must. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| You've got to be a guest. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| Do you know what it is? | ||
| I've heard of it, but I keep seeing it popping up. | ||
| It's professionals, guys like Shane Gillis and David Tell. | ||
| They'll sit in, and they're the guests. | ||
| And then they have comedians, a lot of them amateur, maybe first time ever on stage, and they're going to do one minute. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It's a great fucking show. | ||
| It can be brutal too. | ||
| It can be very brutal. | ||
| But also loving. | ||
| And a lot of people have created careers out of that show. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are touring headliners now and they started out doing one minute on Kill Tony. | ||
| And now ten years later they're on the road making a living doing stand-up. | ||
| And then they get invited back onto the show as guests. | ||
| They get invited back on the show to do a minute. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| And then they did the 10-year anniversary. | ||
| And it was fucking wild. | ||
| It was wild. | ||
| Like, just the ovation they got when they started the show, I was like, holy shit. | ||
| It's that big now? | ||
| Yeah, because I was there in the belly room, when the belly room was like half-filled. | ||
| And they were just kind of fucking around up there. | ||
| And I was like, this is amazing. | ||
| I love things like that. | ||
| Good to see where it's gotten... | ||
| I love seeing people succeed. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I get a kick out of it. | ||
| It just charges me up, man. | ||
| I just love seeing people pull it together. | ||
| I love seeing people pull something off. | ||
| I'm like, look at you go. | ||
| Look at you go. | ||
| That's how I felt with you when I saw you in Dodger Stadium. | ||
| I was like, look at him go. | ||
| Look at Fluffy. | ||
| Let me tell you something, though. | ||
| Being able to do all those things, it's awesome, but the sacrifice of losing touch with certain things, like, I feel terrible that I'm, like, just now getting introduced to something like, you know, Kill Tony, because it's like, you know, at a certain point, you are so focused on working, you stop seeing other things that are out there. | ||
| You lose touch with a lot because you're just focused on making this machine go, go, go. | ||
| And I feel like, man, how much have I been missing out on? | ||
| Because I'm working and working and working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I get it, but I don't think you should be hard on yourself like that. | ||
| I don't think you're missing out on jack shit. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I think you're experiencing the most amazing life a person can experience. | ||
| You're a fucking major success touring stand-up comedian who's beloved by all. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That's the greatest thing you could ever have. | ||
| What the fuck are you missing out on? | ||
| It is incredible. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| But I do feel, though, that I rob myself of opportunities to learn and grow in different areas because I'm doing this so much. | ||
| Well, that's a beautiful mindset. | ||
| That's a growth mindset you have. | ||
| That's why you're thinking like that because you're never really totally satisfied with yourself. | ||
| But that's also why you're so good. | ||
| You have a great reputation as a person, too, which I really admire. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People love you. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| I don't think I've ever heard anybody say a bad thing about you, ever. | ||
| No, I appreciate you saying that. | ||
| In all the years that I've known you, not one. | ||
| Everybody's like, Fluffy's the best. | ||
| He's the nicest guy. | ||
| You know, you could get to the success that you've reached and not have a pile of people that are hating on you. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, especially in this business. | ||
| Especially in this business, yeah. | ||
| This business could be like the most community-oriented, comforting, fucking beautiful brother and sisterhood, or it could just be backstabbing nightmare, depending on the circles you travel in and, you know, the stage of your career and also what you give off. | ||
| You know, it's all what you give off. | ||
| Now's another thing too is that I always kept a circle very small and I always kept myself busy and away from the potential of having these conflicts. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta do that. | ||
| That's important. | ||
| That's important. | ||
| Keeping your circle small is important. | ||
| Small but strong, you know? | ||
| And it inspires everybody else, too. | ||
| You know, I'm sure the guys you bring with you on the road, they get inspired. | ||
| They're getting better. | ||
| You know, everybody gets fired up when they see that kind of experience. | ||
| It's like, wow, I didn't even know this was possible, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and that night at Dodger Stadium, you know, I was on stage with my buddy Martin and Alfred. | ||
| And it's like we've been on tour for so many years. | ||
| And so, like, that was a very, like, it was our moment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wasn't my moment. | ||
| It was our moment. | ||
| It felt really, really good because we were all on that grind and, you know, from these little messed up cities to all of a sudden being in Europe and all over the place. | ||
| And now we're back home. | ||
| And it's like, you know, it's not a two o'clock show at the Ice House. | ||
| Are you doing Spanish shows? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I've attempted to do it, and yes, I do speak Spanish, but it's very different. | ||
| I still think in English, and so to try to do my set in Spanish, I feel like it loses a lot. | ||
| I've opened up for a comic named Franco Escamilla. | ||
| Amazing comedian. | ||
| Great storyteller. | ||
| Super, super funny. | ||
| And I got a chance to open for him in Mexico City at an arena for his Netflix special. | ||
| And I told him, look, I'll do 15 minutes to open in front of you on the condition that you do 15 minutes in English at Staples Center, when it was still Staples Center. | ||
| So that was our agreement. | ||
| He's going to perform in English, and I'm going to perform in Spanish. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| And we both agreed we need to stick to our language. | ||
| LAUGHTER Tom Segura's been doing Spanish shows. | ||
| But see, Tom is like a sleeper, man. | ||
| You don't realize that Tom can do that. | ||
| The first time I heard Tom Segura speak Spanish, I'm like, who are you? | ||
| Fluent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There is no like, hola, amigo. | ||
| There's none of that shit. | ||
| He's very like, hola. | ||
| He sounds like a soap opera star. | ||
| And when he speaks Spanish, you're like, ooh, look at you. | ||
| Oh, he can speak the shit out of some Spanish. | ||
| What's crazy is when people talk shit around him and they don't know he can speak Spanish because he looks like a regular white guy. | ||
| And then he'll turn and just start just fluent. | ||
| Ripping into him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he could do jokes in Spanish. | ||
| Like, he's fluent enough that he can manipulate his bits and turn them into bits that work in Spanish. | ||
| Yeah, he And what I wanted to say is that, | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing. | |
| Amazing. | ||
| I wish I could do that. | ||
| Like, he's just making noise to me. | ||
| Funny, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wish I could do that. | ||
| I think there's a real value in learning a second language. | ||
| It's one of those things where I was like, God damn it, I don't have the time. | ||
| But I wish I did. | ||
| But part of me says, you do stupid. | ||
| You do a lot of other stuff. | ||
| Why don't you dedicate a few hours a week to learn Spanish? | ||
| You know, I mean, if nothing else, just to communicate with people. | ||
| Not necessarily if you want to do stand-up in Spanish. | ||
| Again, I thought about it. | ||
| I thought it'd be a great challenge, but... | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm already doing it the way that it works for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fuck it. | ||
| You know, why? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Why make your life harder? | ||
| Why make my life harder? | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| I can still go perform in Mexico in English. | ||
| Bro, when Joey Diaz used to mix Spanish and English in Miami... | ||
| When Joey, who's Cuban from Miami, when he would hit those motherfuckers with like some Cuban slang. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You could not follow that. | ||
| Nobody could follow that. | ||
| It was chaos. | ||
| It was chaos. | ||
| When I watched Joey crush at the Miami Improv, I was like, this might be the hardest a person can kill. | ||
| Because he's funny already, and then he hits him with some Spanish punchlines and people are dying. | ||
| Because you're hyper-relating to the people at that moment. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I remember the first time when I performed in El Paso at the comic strip, you know, there was very few comics that could do Spanglish. | ||
| And when you got a crowd that's got 80 to 90 percent Mexican and you're hitting them with stuff that's hysterical in English and now you're throwing in like, I'm one of you too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like, it was such a connection and the response was like, Oh, it was like, wow. | ||
| I remember I had opened up for a comic named Dan Bradley years ago. | ||
| Dan Bradley and a feature named Jay Vermetti. | ||
| And I'm the emcee. | ||
| And so I went out there and I'm hosting the show. | ||
| And I'd hit him with all the English, Spanish, and then hitting local references because I would spend so much time in the city. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like Doña Flor and La Esquina in the corner. | ||
| And then like, oh my God, he knows Doña Flor. | ||
| You know, this outside. | ||
| So when you start hitting him with stuff like that, the feature goes, hey man, you're going out there with too much energy. | ||
| You need to set the tone for the show. | ||
| You got to build it up. | ||
| You got to prepare, you know, get it so that the feature can take it from there. | ||
| And then you got to set up the headliner to succeed. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| Because I didn't know. | ||
| I was just excited. | ||
| And I told the manager that. | ||
| And the manager goes, you go out there and you put your smack down. | ||
| And if that feature can't follow you, we'll switch you. | ||
| Yeah, shut your mouth. | ||
| And so the coolest thing was I wanted to do less time and then do more time in between the two. | ||
| The feature and the headliner as an emcee. | ||
| And so when I asked the headliner if that was okay, he goes, I'll tell you what, buddy. | ||
| How about you do just a little bit of time up in front. | ||
| And when I get off stage, you can go on after me, and you do as much time as you want. | ||
| I didn't know comedy etiquette yet. | ||
| I didn't know how it was supposed to go. | ||
| I didn't know that you're not supposed to do that. | ||
| I was so new and green. | ||
| And so I did the small time up front, and then the feature during the show, he was like, that's how you do it, kid. | ||
| And then after the headliner was done, I went up on stage, and I did another 15-20 minutes. | ||
| I got a standing ovation. | ||
| And then when I got off, I'm like, yeah! | ||
| And then the headliner, the feature, the manager, everybody was waiting to rip me a new one because it's like, yeah, we get it that you can do that, but you're not supposed to do that. | ||
| But he told you to do it. | ||
| But that's what I said. | ||
| I go, he told me to do it. | ||
| He goes, Kit, I was fucking with you. | ||
| I didn't think you'd really do it. | ||
| And I'm like, well, that's how new I was. | ||
| No, he wasn't fucking with you. | ||
| He was scared of you going on in the middle. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| He didn't want you going on and crushing right in front of him. | ||
| That's hilarious, someone telling you to not be as funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't be so funny. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You have too much energy. | ||
| You're too enjoyable. | ||
| You're too entertaining. | ||
| How crazy is that, right? | ||
| But I just remember that when I went up there and I was throwing in Spanish references and I would actually make references to television shows that were in Spanish or things that people could relate to from their childhood. | ||
| And doing that there, it was just boom. | ||
| So when you're saying the thing with Joey, I get it. | ||
| Because when you can do that and you're in an area where they know you and you're like, yes, he's one of us. | ||
| It's an incredible feeling. | ||
| Yeah, that's the beauty of being able to speak two languages, man. | ||
| There's a bunch of... | ||
| Like, doesn't Eddie Izzard... | ||
| Hasn't he done shows in, like, German? | ||
| Multiple languages. | ||
| Yeah, many, many languages. | ||
| So to be able to do that... | ||
| And there's a few comics also, like Canadians, that can do English, French, and then I think even... | ||
| God, not Farsi. | ||
| There was a comic named Sugar Sammy who can perform in multiple languages. | ||
| Have you ever talked to Eddie Izzard? | ||
| I've never spoken to him. | ||
| That's an extraordinary person. | ||
| That's an extraordinary person. | ||
| Very unusual. | ||
| Very free, in his own skin. | ||
| But that's always been him. | ||
| I've seen all his specials, and I've heard stories about him. | ||
| He'll make you laugh in four languages. | ||
| He does stand up in English, French, German, and Spanish. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's a fascinating guy. | ||
| I really got interested in him when he ran a marathon a day, like all around the UK. Did you know he did that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, he wasn't even in shape. | ||
| It was just willpower. | ||
| Like, legitimate willpower. | ||
| Like, I don't know how much he was running at all, but he certainly wasn't running a marathon a day. | ||
| He wasn't running enough to protect himself, because he destroyed his feet. | ||
| Like, his feet were destroyed. | ||
| And by the end of it, he was in fucking incredible shape. | ||
| But he was running a marathon every goddamn day. | ||
| I think he only took, like, one or two days off the entire time. | ||
| So he ran 27 marathons in 27 days. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He came back and did 43 and 51 days. | ||
| Is this the first time he did it? | ||
| This 27 one? | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| I almost think he's done it three times now. | ||
| He did another one where he was... | ||
| And I say he because I believe he wants to be referred to as he... | ||
| I want to be respectful of that because he likes women too. | ||
| He's a very unusual person, but super comfortable in his own skin. | ||
| Very fluid. | ||
| But his thing was like he would do a podcast while he was on a treadmill. | ||
| So he had all these people calling him because he was running on this treadmill some insane amount of miles. | ||
| And yeah, so I called in and I was talking to him while he was on a treadmill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was 32 in 31 days. | ||
| 32 marathons and 31 days for charity. | ||
| And he was completing. | ||
| He was doing 27 miles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, every day. | ||
| Or 20 is his. | ||
| 26, right? | ||
| 26 miles every day. | ||
| 26.2. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| But, I mean, injured, fucked up feet. | ||
| There's video of them trying to repair his feet. | ||
| Blisters. | ||
| Just destroyed, man. | ||
| The feet are destroyed. | ||
| My friend Cameron Haynes, he runs ultramarathons where they're like 240 mile runs. | ||
| They take days. | ||
| Yeah, ridiculous. | ||
| And days. | ||
| Days. | ||
| They run for days. | ||
| And they don't sleep. | ||
| They just keep running. | ||
| But at the end of it, your toenails fall off, your feet are destroyed. | ||
| Your feet look like you've been running on broken glass. | ||
| It looks terrible. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| You'll never hear about me running marathons. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| I think the finish line must be so ecstatic. | ||
| It must be so amazing that you actually force yourself to do that. | ||
| That you get addicted to that feeling. | ||
| The endorphins are just like, wow. | ||
| Can you imagine forcing yourself to run a hundred miles? | ||
| I've had dreams of running marathons and like what that must feel like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you know, no. | ||
| We've had this guy in a couple of times, Zack Bitter. | ||
| And Zack, he had the world record for the fastest 100 miles around a track. | ||
| It was something insane. | ||
| What was it, like 10 hours? | ||
| 100 miles ran in 10 hours? | ||
| It might have been less than 10 hours. | ||
| Because I think it was like he averaged like a seven minute mile. | ||
| So, how many hours did it take Zach to do that? | ||
| 12. 12 hours? | ||
| Oh, just under 12 hours. | ||
| 12 hours. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So what was his average speed then? | ||
| That wouldn't be 7 miles an hour. | ||
| What would that be? | ||
| He did 100 miles in 11, 40, 55 and kept running. | ||
| So he could finish for 12 hours to see how much further he'd go. | ||
| He ran for 40 more minutes. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And got to 104.8 miles in 12 hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Someone beat it though in 2022. Some other psychopath went faster. | |
| A Lithuanian. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| A Lithuanian. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alexander Sorokin. | ||
| There's always going to be somebody that's willing to push themselves closer to death. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, to beat your psychotic record of running 100 miles in under 12 hours. | ||
| I will never know that one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I will never know that one. | ||
| I don't think I'm going to know that one either. | ||
| No. | ||
| I think I'm okay with not knowing that one. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll stick to my two o'clock shows. | ||
| Yeah, that's your marathon. | ||
| That is a fucking marathon though, man. | ||
| It's a mental marathon for sure. | ||
| When I'm doing two shows a night at the mothership, two hours a night, that's like, it's a mental thing. | ||
| Like, you gotta be fired up. | ||
| But it's also so exciting. | ||
| And you feel so fortunate that you can do it, you know? | ||
| Like, I've never forgotten what it was like when I first started when I just wanted to get on stage and I couldn't get on stage. | ||
| It's like, God damn, I want to get up there. | ||
| I'm just so hungry for it. | ||
| I never forget that. | ||
| So, like, I hate when people take shows for granted. | ||
| Like, damn. | ||
| Damn, we've got to do a Sunday night show. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Of course we do! | ||
| You get to go up and do what you- Go talk shit and make people have a great fucking time! | ||
| For what, an hour and a half of the day? | ||
| Two hours of the day? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| You got 22 hours to play golf or jerk off or whatever the fuck you want to do, you weirdo. | ||
| But that's the thing. | ||
| It's like we think of it as work sometimes, but really what it is is the greatest pastime. | ||
| It's the most fun thing to do, the most fun activity that happens to be a job. | ||
| For me, the work is the travel. | ||
| Getting on a bus, getting on a plane, having to check into hotels, you know, like everything that goes into the day with exception to the actual performing itself. | ||
| Or having to perform through, you know, when the check drops. | ||
| That's the only time I was like, okay, let's see how this goes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So weathering that. | ||
| But other than that, there's no work. | ||
| We don't do check drops until after the show. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, you have to do it that way. | ||
| We were doing it the other way at first. | ||
| I was like, this is terrible. | ||
| Because I was watching people when other people were on stage. | ||
| I was like, this is not good. | ||
| And then you hear the conversation. | ||
| Somebody wants to argue about the bill. | ||
| It's also they're talking loud because they're drunk and they don't realize they're talking loud. | ||
| So they're like, what's 20%? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you have any cash? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's way easier this way. | ||
| It's just way better for the comics. | ||
| It's just, you know, the overall experience. | ||
| It's all just about, let's try to make it, I know there's no food, but that's why. | ||
| To try to make it the best. | ||
| But I'll tell you, Rapolo's next door. | ||
| They got pizza. | ||
| I'm gonna go check out that sushi spot. | ||
| Yeah, the sushi spot is off the chain. | ||
| Let me know. | ||
| I'll hook that up. | ||
| You gotta go to that. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's the best sushi you've ever had in your life. | ||
| And it's omakase, so just sit there and one piece explains to you. | ||
| They do it all. | ||
| They prepare it right in front of you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| One piece at a time. | ||
| So it's like 14 pieces of sushi. | ||
| And they do it over the course of like an hour and a half. | ||
| You have sake pairings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's sensational. | |
| That alone sells it. | ||
| Yeah, I go off my no-grain diet when I go there. | ||
| I say, fuck it. | ||
| Tonight we're eating rice. | ||
| Are you big on the different types of paper, like seaweed? | ||
| Yeah, I love it. | ||
| He made me this one thing. | ||
| I probably shouldn't tell it because he doesn't want to serve it all the time, but this is very expensive. | ||
| It was uni. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| Scallops and uni. | ||
| So it's raw scallops and raw sea urchin with some rice in that nori paper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's fucking sensational. | |
| It's so good. | ||
| It's like the best piece of food you could literally eat. | ||
| It's insanity. | ||
| And, you know, it's like you don't realize how good people, like, someone can be at something until you see, like, a master chef prepare food. | ||
| And you're like, oh, there's a difference, even in sushi, which I would just think of, you know, ignorantly before I would think of it as just, oh, this is like fish. | ||
| Oh, just rice and roll it up in fish. | ||
| How hard can that be? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| It's the little delicate flavors they put on it and the way they prepare it. | ||
| They dry age some of the meat and they do all these different things. | ||
| It's like, oh! | ||
| I took Daniel Cormier. | ||
| It was his first time he's ever had sushi. | ||
| He was like 46 years old. | ||
| He's never had sushi. | ||
| You should have seen him when he was eating scallops, like raw scallops. | ||
| You can see the look of his face. | ||
| Was he vibing it or wasn't? | ||
| He was just kind of freaking out. | ||
| He liked some of it. | ||
| He did not like the raw scallops. | ||
| It's the texture. | ||
| It's a texture thing. | ||
| It's always a texture thing. | ||
| There's certain seafood that I'm down with, but then I can't do oysters. | ||
| You can't do raw oysters? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, if you said, okay, you know, just swallow it. | ||
| Don't even, like, whatever. | ||
| If I had to. | ||
| Some people like chewing it. | ||
| I heard about someone died recently. | ||
| They think they got a tainted oyster and died. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| I think it was a girl. | ||
| I think she ate... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think she ate some oyster that was tainted with something. | ||
| No? | ||
| Fentil. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, they picked up. | ||
| This might be part of the problem. | ||
| It was in Missouri at a seafood stand. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| A seafood stand, like, outside? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a risky person. | ||
| That's a motherfucker that eats gas station sushi. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I know. | |
| I'm not going to look disposed of any kind of business. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's because they, you know. | ||
| They just had them laying out there? | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| Fruit and seafood stand, yeah. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| If you just leave oysters out there, eventually they'll kill you. | ||
| But this says there's no evidence the business did anything to contaminate them, so they're trying to determine where they came from. | ||
| Oh, so it might have been contaminated straight from the ocean. | ||
| They're probably contaminated when they arrived at the stand. | ||
| I do know that sometimes they get contaminated from the ocean. | ||
| My wife got sick once. | ||
| She got food poisoning from oysters. | ||
| Yeah, so I'm not about it. | ||
| I take my chances. | ||
| You take your chances. | ||
| I roll my chances on oysters. | ||
| I'll do sushi, I'll do caviar, lobsters, you know, shrimps, fish, salmon. | ||
| They say that oysters and scallops and clams are good for vegans because if you think about it, they're not really an animal, but they give you animal protein. | ||
| Scallops are more primitive than plants. | ||
| Like, they're really primitive things. | ||
| They don't have any, like, they're not feeling jack shit. | ||
| Like, you're... | ||
| No conscience there. | ||
| They're kind of like a plant. | ||
| But they're a plant that moves. | ||
| But they're not a plant. | ||
| They're a mollusk. | ||
| But they don't have a brain. | ||
| And there's, like, whatever that is, is just like some sort of meat with a shell. | ||
| So it's a green light. | ||
| It's a green light, I think. | ||
| I mean, as much as eggs are. | ||
| Eggs are a green light, too. | ||
| Because they just lay them. | ||
| If there's no rooster, there's no way that's gonna be a chick. | ||
| You're not hurting anybody. | ||
| Eat the eggs. | ||
| And you have a good relationship with the chickens. | ||
| Chickens eat the grass and food. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| I think that's what it is. | ||
| It says it's a scout. | ||
| That's how a scout flies around? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Whoa, is that real? | ||
| They swim? | ||
| It seems like that's not what's happening, but... | ||
| It is what's happening. | ||
| That's what's happening, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| But it is what's happening. | ||
| It swims like a... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I didn't know they could do that. | ||
| It's so weird looking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Plant, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Whatever it is, it just moves. | ||
| It's obviously not a plant. | ||
| It's a mollusk, but it moves. | ||
| I mean, that's the thing that it does. | ||
| It moves. | ||
| There's a video I've seen of puffer fish, I think, eating them. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| Oh, wow, that's wild. | ||
| They just chew on it. | ||
| It makes a loud crunch. | ||
| Yeah, because the shell's hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But freaking puffer fish. | ||
| But whatever they are, though, is not really an animal. | ||
| That's why, like, I've heard, like, a neuroscientist make this argument. | ||
| Like, it's really, like, probably the most ethical thing that you can eat. | ||
| As long as there's, like, sustainable numbers of them. | ||
| Because it's like, they don't even know you're eating them. | ||
| There's nothing going on there. | ||
| It's just a piece of meat covered by a shell. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| How many vegans do you know? | ||
| I know quite a few. | ||
| How about you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh You know what? | |
| I know of them. | ||
| I respect people's choices and I think that one is a complicated one and it's a convenient one too. | ||
| The convenient one is not taking into account all the animal deaths involved in large-scale agriculture, which is where you get most of your vegetables, because there's a lot of animal death involved in that. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| There's also poisoning. | ||
| There's a lot of poisoning of the land with pesticides and herbicides. | ||
| There's a lot of shit that goes on to these monocrop agriculture establishments, which is where you get a lot of your vegetables from. | ||
| And it's not good. | ||
| And it's not good for the environment. | ||
| It's not good for the animals. | ||
| It's definitely not good for any animal that lives in that field. | ||
| They're getting fucked up. | ||
| How many animals get churned up in combines? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How many birds and gophers and groundhogs they kill? | ||
| It's just... | ||
| In order, yeah, to maintain the crops. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Ted Nugent has broken it down. | ||
| And he actually knows the statistics and what is actually involved in it. | ||
| But when I talk to people that run these regenerative farms, when they describe industrial farms and all the shit that they have to do and how all that gets into the rivers and it poisons the rivers, it's wild stuff, man. | ||
| And that's... | ||
| That's vegetables. | ||
| They're growing things. | ||
| On topsoil, it's dead. | ||
| So they have to constantly pour all these fertilizers and nitrogen and all this shit all over the ground because there's no nutrients left in the topsoil. | ||
| They have to do all this. | ||
| It's real complicated, man. | ||
| And the water that runs into the rivers, it's so disgusting. | ||
| There's this guy, Will Harris. | ||
| From white oak pastures. | ||
| And he has a regenerative farm and he's right next to a farm that's an industrial farm. | ||
| And there's like a clear line between the runoff on his side where the water's clear and then the runoff on his neighbor's side where immediately you can see that it becomes mud. | ||
| See the line? | ||
| Look at the line. | ||
| That's the line. | ||
| That's the property line. | ||
| On the right-hand side, it's just horrible. | ||
| On the left-hand side, it looks like a river. | ||
| And that's the dividing line between their two farms, which is fucking insane. | ||
| It's insane that that's legal and that that's normal, that runoff. | ||
| It's like unintended pollution. | ||
| What are we gonna do? | ||
| It's on the topsoil, and the topsoil's all dead, so all the stuff that they pour on it just runs off when it rains into the river. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, there's that. | ||
| And then there's this new evidence that plants can think and plants communicate and plants share information and that through mycelium, through the actual, like, the fungus that's in the soil, they're exchanging information and even resources. | ||
| That there's certain intelligence in it, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's something there. | ||
| They're screaming when you eat them, Gabriel. | ||
| Oh, God, no. | ||
| Pluck lettuce out of the ground and screams. | ||
| I want to say it was like a modern version of the Twilight Zone. | ||
| There was an episode where this guy was trying to lose weight and he was going to eat vegetables out of his fridge and every vegetable would make a sound like that. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| So he's trying to eat but he can't eat anything and he's starving and at the end everything just kind of rotted and they found the guy dead. | ||
| It was creepy but yeah. | ||
| Did you ever see the one? | ||
| There's an old Twilight Zone where these aliens come down and they introduce themselves to Earth and they give us a book and the book is to serve man. | ||
| They find this book that they have and then they realize it's a cookbook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| At the end of the movie. | ||
| That's like the punchline. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The aliens have come down here to eat us. | |
| So what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, this guy's in front of all the- give me some of the volume. | |
| We are here to help you. | ||
| Are we to assume that there is no ulterior motive? | ||
| Well, there is nothing ulterior in our motives. | ||
| Nothing at all. | ||
| You will discover this for yourselves before too long simply by testing the various devices which we will make available to you. | ||
| We ask only that you trust us. | ||
| Only that you simply trust us. | ||
| Perhaps you watched this initial questioning. | ||
| Most people on Earth did. | ||
| And surely some of the questions asked by your representatives must have been identical to more than a few of your own. | ||
| Because as a race, we are unaccustomed to charity. | ||
| Brutality is a far more universal language to us than an expression of friendship from outer space. | ||
| They were nine feet tall enigmas who descended on us like locusts. | ||
| But nobody was counting or worrying. | ||
| Except perhaps a few professionals whose job it was to second guess. | ||
| It seems like what's happening now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's exactly what's happening now. | |
| So at the end of it, they translate the book and they realize what it actually says. | ||
| We're gonna make sushi out of TED. This could have been cut off. | ||
| It's only a six minute video. | ||
| It might not have been the whole episode. | ||
| How long is it? | ||
| Six minutes. | ||
| No, that's definitely not the whole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's before that he realizes it. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, that would suck. | ||
| It would suck. | ||
| Especially, like, we can sort of justify killing dumb things, you know? | ||
| You know, but... | ||
| Dogs are pretty smart. | ||
| There's people out there that are eating dogs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dogs are pretty goddamn smart to be eating them. | ||
| There's a lot of animals that have, you know, I feel they're very... | ||
| Pigs! | ||
| Pigs are freaking smart. | ||
| You can train a pig to do almost anything that you can train a dog to do. | ||
| Just think about what people do to dolphins. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Just think of that. | ||
| They're fucked up. | ||
| I mean, they're really smart. | ||
| Now imagine some alien that's just like, what if humans are delicious? | ||
| What if, like, in all the cosmos, they're, like, the favorite food? | ||
| Yeah, or like a buffet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And maybe you get intelligence from them. | ||
| Maybe when you eat people, you get a little bit of their DNA. We're like their, uh, what is it called? | ||
| Their limitless pill. | ||
| Like, oh, man, every time you eat one of them, oh, it's like euphoric. | ||
| Maybe we're like their mushroom. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, we get them high. | ||
| Yeah, they have a trip. | ||
| Yeah, wasn't that like dolphins use puffer fish to get high? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So they'd suck it in toxins. | ||
| How would they figure that out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, Joe, how long before do you think they confirmed that we got, you know, that aliens are real? | ||
| Every week, man, I keep watching these stories and I'm like, ugh. | ||
| I was just in Las Vegas last week, too. | ||
| I was looking for those eight feet aliens that the guy was talking about. | ||
| Bad ones. | ||
| That one's sus. | ||
| We were talking about that earlier. | ||
| It's like, ah, come on. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, that George Knapp guy, who's probably the lead investigative reporter when it comes to the UFO phenomenon. | ||
| He's the guy that discovered Bob Lazar. | ||
| He went to try to talk to those people, and they were kind of avoiding him. | ||
| They didn't answer the door. | ||
| But it could be that they just don't want the attention. | ||
| Like maybe they freaked out. | ||
| Maybe they had no idea it was gonna go viral like that. | ||
| Maybe it really happened. | ||
| Look, imagine if it really happened. | ||
| Imagine you're just chillin' in your backyard, and you hear boom! | ||
| And you're like, what? | ||
| And you go outside, and you see a fucking UFO and a 10-foot alien. | ||
| And you stand there, and you're staring at them, and then they get back in the craft and take off. | ||
| And you're like, what the fuck just happened? | ||
| And then no one's gonna believe you. | ||
| So you tell people, but you feel so stupid. | ||
| They're like, yeah, they were in my backyard, they were like 10 feet tall and they had big eyes, and everyone's like, look at this moron. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| But maybe it really did happen. | ||
| And maybe you realize, like, what am I going to do? | ||
| Have people just keep telling me I'm a liar? | ||
| Or just shut the fuck up? | ||
| Maybe I'll just shut the fuck up. | ||
| Maybe I would shut the fuck up. | ||
| Maybe if it happened in my yard, maybe if they landed in my yard, I would just know for sure they're real, but keep it to myself. | ||
| I don't want people thinking I'm out of my fucking mind. | ||
| If something like that happened, you look for, can you prove this? | ||
| Can you tell this story without looking like a total lunatic? | ||
| Right. | ||
| This thing landed. | ||
| Alright, so there's a ring. | ||
| Okay, there's the burn marks from the jets or whatever. | ||
| There's footprints. | ||
| There's certain elements. | ||
| But everybody's so quick on the draw, like if something happens... | ||
| You know, a fight breaks up. | ||
| World starts in two seconds. | ||
| People are gunslingers with their cameras. | ||
| Right, why wouldn't you be a gunslinger when there's a fucking UFO in front of you? | ||
| That'd be the first... | ||
| I know. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| That'd be the first thing. | ||
| You're going out in the backyard, and you're not going to... | ||
| There's no reason why there shouldn't be more footage, more clean footage, because it's always grainy. | ||
| It's always messed up. | ||
| It's a shadow. | ||
| It's a bush. | ||
| You know, so I'm like... | ||
| Here's my problem with it. | ||
| My problem is that I want it to be real. | ||
| And I know a lot of people want it to be real. | ||
| And I also know it's an amazing distraction. | ||
| It's an amazing distraction for a bunch of ways. | ||
| Let's imagine that what we're actually looking at is some United States military vehicle. | ||
| That they have developed secretly. | ||
| That operates on some different kind of propulsion system. | ||
| Some sort of gravity drive or something. | ||
| And maybe it's a drone. | ||
| And they can shoot these things across the sky at insane rates of speed. | ||
| But they don't want to admit they have the technology. | ||
| What better way than to say that we're being visited? | ||
| What better way? | ||
| Like if you really were going to hide technology. | ||
| If you had bases under the sea. | ||
| Where you had hypersonic drones just shot through the sky. | ||
| And you couldn't even follow them with your eye. | ||
| If you had those... | ||
| What a better way to hide it than to say... | ||
| Smoke and mirrors over here. | ||
| Yeah, and then have a few whistleblowers come out and have these guys, well, I can tell you definitively that we have recovered 12 crashed UFOs. | ||
| I know it sounds crazy. | ||
| That kind of stuff makes me wonder. | ||
| That's how I would do it. | ||
| If I wanted to dupe people into thinking that these things that maybe they occasionally see that we operate, That they're not ours because we don't have that kind of capability. | ||
| If I was going to lie about our capability, which maybe you should and maybe they've done before with like the stealth bomber, remember? | ||
| They fucking developed that bitch. | ||
| People thought they were seeing UFOs and saw that thing fly around. | ||
| You ever seen one of those in real life? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Woo! | ||
| Pretty cool. | ||
| Pretty fucking cool. | ||
| I would say that they're UFOs. | ||
| That's what I would say. | ||
| They don't tell the truth about anything, right? | ||
| They never tell you about top secret stuff that you really don't have. | ||
| What are you going to do with the information that UFOs are real? | ||
| What is the general public going to do with it? | ||
| Jack shit. | ||
| They're not going to do anything. | ||
| So if they had it, why would they tell us? | ||
| If they really had irrefutable evidence that this something is an off-world vehicle, it comes from another dimension, it comes from another planet, why would they tell us? | ||
| They would only tell us if they have to tell us. | ||
| They would tell us the stuff that they have is actually from another planet because they don't want people to know what they can do yet. | ||
| That's what I would do. | ||
| I mean, if I had a history of deception, I would be deceiving people about that. | ||
| Or it could be really aliens. | ||
| And that's the problem. | ||
| And I don't... | ||
| I know me and I want it to be aliens real bad. | ||
| Real bad. | ||
| So I will not be objective when I look at that subject. | ||
| I am always going to be hopeful. | ||
| I'm always going to be having fun with it. | ||
| I'm always going to be thinking that it's probably real. | ||
| I believe the pilots. | ||
| I think the math says it all. | ||
| I mean, the universe is so massive. | ||
| I mean, it's so massive. | ||
| How can we be the only ones? | ||
| We may not be. | ||
| We might be visited, and it might be a combination of both of those things. | ||
| It might be some of those things are our drones, and it might be some of the things are not ours, and maybe some of the things are from other countries as well. | ||
| And maybe some of those things are from another planet or maybe from some life form that we haven't established that has bases in the ocean. | ||
| Because there's a lot of these, at least one of them they got on video that is A craft that was flying in the air and then went into the ocean. | ||
| It didn't even make a splash. | ||
| Just went right in the ocean. | ||
| Like a diver. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| Is that bullshit? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's kind of blurry. | ||
| Like, I wish it was clean, but it was miles away and they're, you know, using infrared footage at night or whatever their night vision at night. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who fucking knows? | ||
| The problem is I want it to be aliens. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| So I'm like, bro, there's so much evidence now. | ||
| And even talk to people like Michio Kaku, who's this physicist, this brilliant guy, and he's saying that there's more evidence that they exist than that. | ||
| Now it's up to the people that don't think they exist to try to prove it wrong because there's so much visual evidence, tracking evidence, tracking data. | ||
| But I'm always like, what if they've been working on some stuff? | ||
| What if they were just scooping up top scientists and fucking, they've got some sort of plan for some different propulsion system and it's operable. | ||
| And they've been working on it for decades, in secret. | ||
| What if that's the case? | ||
| That seems like it could be the case. | ||
| But if the technology is that advanced, then where did you get it? | ||
| Well, like, I get, you know, you're smart enough to come up with certain things, but, you know. | ||
| People did research on gravity drives, and there's papers that were written on the possibility of manipulating gravity. | ||
| I just don't think there was ever a power source that was figured out. | ||
| I don't think, like, you'd have to generate some fucking insane amount of power to be able to manipulate gravity. | ||
| But I think they theorized it a long time ago. | ||
| So if you just threw all the best scientists and all the money that you could possibly fucking steal from the taxpayers and you funneled it off into this program that's making a UFO, maybe they could do it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I'm not in that world, you know? | ||
| You know, that's like if someone said to you, imagine there's a guy out there. | ||
| Nobody's ever heard of him. | ||
| He's never done stand-up before, but he's been practicing, and he writes comedy every day, and he practices in front of the mirror, and one day he's gonna go on stage, he's gonna be the best comic that's ever lived. | ||
| He'd be like, no, that's not possible. | ||
| He's not gonna be able to just go on stage the first time and be the best comic that's ever lived. | ||
| It's literally not possible. | ||
| So maybe the things that I'm saying about physics and these physicists developing this gravity drive without anybody knowing, maybe that's not possible, because maybe that's not my world, you know? | ||
| But you're looking at it through the eyes of a comic who understands timing and you have to, you know, trial and error. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they would look at physics that way. | ||
| They would understand what they're, you know, they would say, no, no, you can't just, you can't violate the laws of physics with a select group of people that stay quiet and don't tell people about it and come up with some insane new method of propulsion. | ||
| These things, they've tracked them. | ||
| They go from 50,000 feet above sea level to 50 feet in like a second. | ||
| They have no idea how it's doing it. | ||
| No heat signature. | ||
| The things are blocking their tracking devices, like whatever radar systems they're using, which is technically supposedly an act of war. | ||
| Like, it's wild shit, man. | ||
| And they don't know what it is. | ||
| And they think it was interacting with some base in the water. | ||
| And the guy who saw it was on the podcast, Commander David Fravor. | ||
| And it's a crazy story. | ||
| Because he was with another fighter jet. | ||
| They all saw it. | ||
| Multiple people saw it. | ||
| They filmed it. | ||
| They have all the tracking data that shows this insane rate of speed that it went at. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck that is. | ||
| Man. | ||
| You know, and also when you say the laws of physics, maybe the laws of physics don't apply to wherever that technology came from. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| Or also, maybe we just don't understand all the laws of physics. | ||
| Maybe it's malleable. | ||
| And that's like this idea of a gravity drive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That maybe you can, instead of traveling through space, you can literally fold space to you. | ||
| And then, and then instantaneously appear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a portal. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like some sort of, like they described it in the movie Event Horizon. | ||
| That you would essentially, a piece of paper, you would fold the two pieces of time together and punch a hole through both of them and wind up on the other side when it flattens out. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's deep. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Alright, what's in the Tupperware? | ||
| Now you're ready to meet the devil. | ||
| I think maybe if aliens are real, I think we'd be interesting. | ||
| I certainly think they'd come here. | ||
| And maybe they've always been coming here. | ||
| I really don't know. | ||
| I don't know, but I want it. | ||
| I want it to be real. | ||
| And that's my problem. | ||
| My problem is I'm a true believer. | ||
| So I want it to be real. | ||
| So I always have to go, I don't know. | ||
| But I try to do that with everything. | ||
| I try to do that with everything. | ||
| I'm like, man, I don't know. | ||
| Something smells funny. | ||
| I don't want to be that guy who's calling bullshit when it's not bullshit. | ||
| So I have to be careful. | ||
| I'm going to really look at it and just let it operate for a while. | ||
| Watch it behave. | ||
| And so the more I watch this UFO thing operate, the more I get skeptical. | ||
| I'm like, it just seems too, like, a psy-op. | ||
| It seems too, too much of it just seems, like, fucking fabricated. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, even the stories about finding them in an archaeological dig and... | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Are you sure that's what happened? | ||
| You know, is this the narrative they're telling you? | ||
| Why would they tell the truth? | ||
| Why would they tell the truth? | ||
| If they had some fucking crazy object they've been working on, and maybe the scientist that really knew how to work it was dead, and so now you got new guys you're bringing in to try to, like, back-engineer his work. | ||
| But maybe that's what they do. | ||
| Like, who fucking knows, man? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But I know the UFO story's the most fun. | ||
| The alien story's the most fun. | ||
| That's the one I'm most interested in. | ||
| Yeah, every night, man. | ||
| It's like, okay. | ||
| Have you seen Moment of Contact? | ||
| No. | ||
| Ooh, you need to watch that. | ||
| Moment of Contact. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a documentary about a UFO crash in Brazil, in Varginha, Brazil, in 1996. And the whole town saw it. | ||
| All these witnesses in the town saw the things, saw the things in the sky. | ||
| And one of them, it was a lightning storm, like a terrible lightning storm. | ||
| And one of them crashed. | ||
| And these people... | ||
| Found whatever the thing was and two bodies and one of them was alive and They picked the one that was injured and they took it in a car to several different hospitals It's all documented that they take this body and the guy who is carrying the body Died of a serious bacterial infection that they could not cure they didn't know what the fuck it was young healthy guy the guy Handling the alien body got he died within like two weeks. | ||
| They didn't know what the fuck there's all this Documentation on the disease, the progression of the disease, how they couldn't stop it. | ||
| They didn't know what it was. | ||
| Some crazy bacterial infection that he got. | ||
| And they think he got it from that alien. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wasn't there. | ||
| But goddamn, I want it to be true. | ||
| Now, this is a documentary? | ||
| Yeah, it's a great documentary. | ||
| It's on Netflix. | ||
| Or it's on Apple. | ||
| I think it's on everything. | ||
| Is it on everything? | ||
| Moment of contact. | ||
| It's definitely, I think it's on Apple TV. It's fucking great. | ||
| What kind of footage did they have? | ||
| Well, they don't have any footage. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| They have eyewitness accounts. | ||
| They know that the US Air Force landed one of their large cargo jets in Brazil, in Virginia, and supposedly left with the wreckage. | ||
| But they know that they came in. | ||
| They were called in. | ||
| It's definitely on Amazon to rent or buy. | ||
| It's on iTunes also. | ||
| It's a few places. | ||
| I think I found one where you can find it for free. | ||
| What's crazy is they bring this cop back to the spot where the crash was, where they first saw the crash, and the guy hadn't been there in forever. | ||
| And the dude just starts crying. | ||
| He just starts weeping. | ||
| And I'm like, if this guy is an actor, he needs a fucking Academy Award. | ||
| This moment where he's overwhelmed, where he's talking about the experience of seeing this thing there and knowing that it's from somewhere else. | ||
| And seeing these things, these little tiny things with big eyes, staring at him. | ||
| And these girls, these three girls that were like very young at the time, they were sisters and they were playing outside and they saw this thing. | ||
| And they said the thing was like trying to communicate with them, telling them to help it. | ||
| And they were freaked out. | ||
| They all had the exact same story. | ||
| Everybody who saw them said the exact same thing, what they looked like, like these weird things with tiny things with big eyes. | ||
| I don't know if it's true, man, but I want it to be true. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I want it all to be true. | ||
| That guy's passion, though, the way he tells the story, you could tell either, like you said, he's either a great actor or he's reliving it. | ||
| Maybe it's a mass psychosis. | ||
| Maybe they're all on mushrooms. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Or maybe he's telling the truth, which would be fucking insane. | ||
| And if there really are things that can visit us, and the question would always be, like, would they... | ||
| How their vehicles would crash? | ||
| Wouldn't they be past crashing now? | ||
| Wouldn't they be beyond that in technology? | ||
| Not necessarily, because here's the thing. | ||
| If you think about where the technological level that human beings are at right now, like in a first world country, and then you go to the Amazon and you have the indigenous hunter-gatherer tribes who still live the old way, they're there too at the same time in 2023. So just because there's aliens out there doesn't mean they're all the same level of advancement. | ||
| There might be an alien out there that's a thousand years ahead of us, just a thousand. | ||
| And every now and then they get hit by lightning. | ||
| Just like everybody does. | ||
| You can't predict it. | ||
| And they make their way through and they might have landed, they might have ported back to wherever the fuck the lightning storm was and didn't understand it was going to happen and got fucked up and crash landed in a backyard in Brazil. | ||
| Might have happened. | ||
| What always gets me is that the technology on, like, spacecraft never matches the body. | ||
| Like, it's always something that's, like, all these different, like, right now there's that video that they're showing something in the backyard that's hiding. | ||
| And this thing looks, it almost looks ape-like. | ||
| Like, so there's nothing that, you know, it's not worth anything. | ||
| I don't know about that video. | ||
| What is this video? | ||
| You know what I'm talking about, right? | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| It's fake as fuck, right? | ||
| They were saying it was the UFO from the Vegas thing. | ||
| They were saying it's the Vegas thing. | ||
| They just took the 911 audio and put it over top of another video. | ||
| You never see the body or whatever match whatever the technology is as far as the craft. | ||
| Well, the most compelling story does, and that's the Bob Lazar story. | ||
| And Bob Lazar is a guy who is a propulsions expert. | ||
| He says he was hired to work in Vegas, back engineering in Nevada, in the desert area, S4. Where they were back engineering an alien craft. | ||
| And he said it was designed for tiny things, like something that was like three feet tall. | ||
| You had a crouch inside of it. | ||
| And he said everything was impossibly smooth. | ||
| Like it was like melted wax. | ||
| Like there was no seams. | ||
| The way it was constructed, whatever the metal was, was some... | ||
| It looked like it was one piece. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And it was some metal. | ||
| They just do not understand it. | ||
| And they had a reactor. | ||
| And this reactor... | ||
| Created some sort of an anti-gravity wave that allowed this thing to move. | ||
| And this reactor was based on an element that wasn't on the periodic table yet, element 115. And these people, these beings, supposedly have a stable version of this element. | ||
| And in this reactor, it allows them to violate all of our understanding of propulsion systems and use some sort of gravity-based propulsion. | ||
| I want to believe it. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Sounds awesome. | ||
| I want to believe all of it. | ||
| I don't even want to question it for a second. | ||
| I don't want to believe there's any lies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, that looks fake as fuck. | |
| I still know where it's from. | ||
| It's gotta be from somewhere. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That looks so weird, dude. | ||
| Like a monkey, right? | ||
| Yeah, that looks like some sort of a Bigfoot thing. | ||
| It said it's eight feet tall. | ||
| Bigfoot from space, bro. | ||
| Maybe that's it. | ||
| Yeah, so what is it? | ||
| Are they small little Martians, or are they big, giant, you know, avatar-looking things? | ||
| Supposedly, there's two different kinds. | ||
| What do they call them? | ||
| The grays, the greens, the... | ||
| Yeah, they call them the grays and the tall whites. | ||
| And the tall whites almost look Scandinavian. | ||
| They have, like, white hair, and their ears are, like, flat against their head, and their eyes are, like, twice as large as ours. | ||
| But why am I saying that? | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. | ||
| Somebody said it, so I repeated it. | ||
| You know, the problem is then you start looking for that. | ||
| So say if you're tripping on mushrooms, you might manifest like a gray talking to you because you know, like from close encounters of the third kind, you expect that's what the alien's going to look like. | ||
| So maybe it shows itself to you in that form because that's how you can handle it. | ||
| What do you call it? | ||
| What's the other one? | ||
| The shapeshifters? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And then there's the men in black, right? | ||
| They come visit and fucking erase your brain. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I was waiting. | ||
| I was like, he's going to pull something cool up right now. | ||
| The way you leaned back, I thought you were going to bring up something. | ||
| I was like, here it comes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think we were both like... | |
| I hope aliens are real. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| And I hope that—the fairy tale is that they're going to protect us from blowing ourselves up. | ||
| That's the fairy tale. | ||
| That would be the best case scenario. | ||
| That what they're doing here is that they're here to monitor our nuclear power and our nuclear weapons and make sure we don't launch them at each other. | ||
| Because that's when they first start showing up. | ||
| All the stories about UFOs really kicked in after Hiroshima and Nagasaki. | ||
| That's when it was like UFOs were hovering over the White House. | ||
| You ever see those pictures? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, there's like an ancient photo of UFOs over the White House. | ||
| You can see like a few flying saucers that they photographed in the sky flying over the White House. | ||
| Of course it's grainy, but it's like 1952? | ||
| Is it 2? | ||
| 51? | ||
| 52? | ||
| That story is, but there is a video from not too long ago where people think that was happening again. | ||
| Do you have the photos from the old one though, the original one? | ||
| When is this one from? | ||
| That's totally fake. | ||
| So what is that? | ||
| 2011. That's from 2011? | ||
| On some video that I think was on C-SPAN or something. | ||
| Something was going on back there. | ||
| It could be spotlights. | ||
| We have to see the video. | ||
| Are they saying it was UFOs? | ||
| I just, UFO response, or White House response to UFO requests. | ||
| I don't remember that from 2011, do you? | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| I've seen a few videos where people are watching these long, you know, big B-roll footage of, like, skylines, and people are like, look at that fly by this building. | ||
| And this is from NBC? MSNBC? Probably not going to play it, so let me find another one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then also, too, how would they know to fly over that? | ||
| That's the photo from the 1952s? | ||
| That's fake, obviously. | ||
| That's a draw. | ||
| I know, but how... | ||
| What is that in the left-hand corner? | ||
| Not that. | ||
| No, I don't know that they would have had a photo of this. | ||
| The story was in the paper, for sure. | ||
| Oh, so maybe they didn't have any photos. | ||
| Yeah, someone would have been taking a picture at night in front of the White House, and I don't think they could do that. | ||
| Yeah, you're probably right. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably everything. | ||
| It's so hard today with all these fake images and CGI. Man, you could do anything. | ||
| AI is scary. | ||
| I'm in Reddit here. | ||
| This is deep Reddit, so this isn't the best place to take... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So that's the photo, supposedly. | ||
| 1952. Oh, there it is. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| But that looks like reflection, and that could be a lot of things. | ||
| Yeah, it could be a lot of things. | ||
| It could be birds. | ||
| But it looks big. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| They look kind of big. | ||
| They look like cars in the sky. | ||
| Bigger than cars. | ||
| Don't they? | ||
| I mean, they're behind the tower, right? | ||
| Don't know where the person was taking the photo. | ||
| Yeah, also, how do I know that's real? | ||
| Is that verified? | ||
| Yeah, it could be dust in the print when they were making it, even. | ||
| People fuck with pictures so much, man. | ||
| Look, there's a little scratch up in the corner up there. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Above your cursor. | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's another UFO. That's a guy. | ||
| It's a sky fish. | ||
| Yeah, it's Aquaman. | ||
| Guy spilled coffee enough on the negative. | ||
| I want it to be real. | ||
| That's the real problem. | ||
| Don't you? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| I don't know that I want it to be real because part of me is like, I think that they would look at us like we're an ant farm. | ||
| Well, maybe. | ||
| You know, or like whenever you see, you know, primates and they're teaching them sign language or they teach them how to do certain things and it's like, okay, maybe, you know, they're teaching us how to do certain things just to see what we do. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like the level of intelligence that, you know, we have a certain understanding and we can only unlock so much, but who knows what level, you know, whatever else out there is at. | ||
| And maybe it's like, yeah, let's teach them how to be able to talk to each other. | ||
| Let's teach them how to do this, maybe to study. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I would guess that we're figuring that out on our own, but that they... | ||
| If I was an alien life form, I would watch us and I would say, let's just make sure they don't fuck anything up. | ||
| Like they seem to be on a path. | ||
| The path is technological progression. | ||
| Everything keeps getting better and faster and computers and electric cars and airplanes are faster and everything's far better and computers is far more power at a certain point in time. | ||
| I bet every civilization goes through that. | ||
| If aliens are real, if they really get to be super sophisticated where they can travel through the cosmos, I bet they all get to that point where they're learning how to be civilized at the same time they're learning insane technology. | ||
| And then the people that get access to the insane technology are still barbaric. | ||
| And they still want to use it to fucking nuke countries and shit. | ||
| There's probably a balancing act there. | ||
| That gets achieved by every civilization, and it's probably pretty precarious. | ||
| Like right now, like in the state where we're at now, it might probably like... | ||
| Getting close to the reset. | ||
| Pretty precarious. | ||
| Like the Ukraine thing, they're actually shooting giant metal pipes at each other. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Like this is actually happening. | ||
| So if I was an alien life form and I realized that this is a nuclear superpower that's engaging in this, I'd be like... | ||
| Hold the fuck on, guys. | ||
| Let me break the kids up. | ||
| Hey, relax. | ||
| But also, if I was a government, I wanted a lot of people about some shit that I had, I'd start putting all these UFO stories out there. | ||
| That way you could scare the shit out of them. | ||
| If they found out there was an alien invasion, the only way to stop it was to shut down the internet and give the controls of the internet to the president where they could limit it to a certain amount of time during the day. | ||
| Yeah, because the aliens. | ||
| Can't let the aliens take over. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I've always said, too, like, you know, I don't think they'll... | ||
| We'll go back to the, you know, stay home mask situation unless we get to a point where it'd have to be the next level. | ||
| It couldn't just be an illness. | ||
| It couldn't be a virus or disease. | ||
| It would have to actually be... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, aliens are here. | ||
| People know the playbook now for that one. | ||
| They don't know the alien playbook. | ||
| So if an alien invasion or a fake alien invasion happens... | ||
| Look, we know what happens when people get freaked out. | ||
| That's the War of the Worlds. | ||
| It's going to be the Orson Welles thing. | ||
| Orson Welles thing. | ||
| I mean, that's wild. | ||
| Like, they announced at the beginning of that broadcast what it was. | ||
| But a lot of people tuned in in the middle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those motherfuckers thought the aliens were there! | ||
| Can you imagine that? | ||
| You're just home and all of a sudden you turn that on. | ||
| I think people killed themselves. | ||
| Was there a suicide that was attached to the Orson? | ||
| I think we've gone over this before. | ||
| And I think there was at least one suicide. | ||
| That someone was so scared that the Martians were coming that they killed themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro. | |
| That's what happens when people freak out. | ||
| And if they freak out over a virus, imagine how they're going to freak out about aliens. | ||
| And what if they're aliens that are harvesting human souls or something fucking demonic and wild like that? | ||
| I'll never get my soul. | ||
| You never? | ||
| No, I'm saying like people are saying they'll never get my soul. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| There's a PBS article that is counter to this story we've heard for a while. | ||
| It did a little bit of research on it and it says that not only did very few people hear the actual broadcast, virtually no one thought it was real. | ||
| Really? | ||
| But wait a minute. | ||
| Why was that like a cultural narrative for so long? | ||
| Maybe it's... | ||
| Who's saying this? | ||
| There's a couple of different researchers who have looked up the stuff. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is what this article says. | ||
| Memory and media have an incredibly complex relationship. | ||
| Well, that is true. | ||
| Could be maybe because some headlines were posted that just said that, and that's what everyone took as being. | ||
| Right, which they definitely did a lot. | ||
| Well, that's Reefer Madness. | ||
| They definitely did a lot of that back then. | ||
| They lied about a lot of shit back then. | ||
| Also, whoever, maybe the newspaper and the radio station were in cahoots. | ||
| Yeah, that's true, right? | ||
| And even today, to this day, they use sensationalist headlines. | ||
| So maybe they did that, like telling people that everybody believed it, and then the story spread. | ||
| That kind of makes sense. | ||
| This says from surveys done immediately after the program. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The problem with that is, I didn't believe it at all. | |
| I'm too smart for that fucking radio. | ||
| You know, so there's probably a bunch of people that got duped. | ||
| But putting stuff out there like that back then, do you think people were more likely to believe it back then? | ||
| Because it was so like, oh, shoot. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't have the internet. | ||
| They didn't have Twitter. | ||
| They couldn't just go, what the fuck is this? | ||
| And someone would go, actually, we checked. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| Now you know. | ||
| You know, back then, you have no idea. | ||
| There was like, what are you going to say? | ||
| You read the newspaper. | ||
| The newspaper is the truth. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's all you get. | ||
| That's why everybody was so scared of weed. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Because William Randolph Hearst conspired with Harry Anslinger to make marijuana demonized. | ||
| And they put it in the newspapers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The insanity. | ||
| What did they say it made you do everything? | ||
| It made you do everything. | ||
| It's an amazingly stupid movie. | ||
| This guy's smoking pot, just fucking throwing people out of windows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's closer to blow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Or angel dust. | ||
| PCP, something else. | ||
| Yeah, something else will make you do that. | ||
| But we, nah, not so much. | ||
| But listen, brother, I'm glad we got to do this. | ||
| Let's do it again. | ||
| I'm glad you're at the club. | ||
| I'm fucking super pumped to have you there this weekend. | ||
| Two shows tonight and tomorrow night. | ||
| Are you doing Sunday as well? | ||
| The whole weekend. | ||
| The whole weekend. | ||
| The whole fucking weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful. | |
| All right, man. | ||
| Glad we did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| This is awesome. | ||
| I'm like, come on, how come I haven't done this show sooner? | ||
| I love conspiracy theories and talking about drugs and comedy. | ||
| This is awesome. | ||
| Let's do it again, brother. | ||
| Let's do it again. | ||
| Finally got to do it. | ||
| Yes, me too. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. |
Export Selection