Andrew Dice Clay and Joe Rogan reminisce about early stand-up clashes, including Joe’s heckler fight at a 1970s club, while Clay credits Rick Rubin for launching his career with Dice Rules and The Day the Laughter Died—a platinum double album recorded without audience laughter. He reveals how $250K gambling losses at Bally’s and a $455K win at the Mirage (via high-stakes card intuition) fueled his rise, despite industry backlash from Jay Leno and George Carlin. Clay’s bold acting career—from Pretty in Pink to Scorsese’s The Greatest—and mentorship of Eddie Griffin contrast with today’s supportive comedy scene, yet he still prefers intimate club shows over arena fame. Their bond highlights how raw talent and defiance reshaped entertainment, proving success often thrives on breaking rules. [Automatically generated summary]
And we were actually just talking about you last night, and I was telling these guys, I go, Dice is doing the only real alternative comedy that's out there.
Those videos that you're doing with fans...
First of all, you were one of the originators of what I would call alternative comedy.
This is what you did.
You did The Day the Laughter Died in the height of your success.
You were selling out arenas all over the fucking place, and you decided to do Dangerfields when no one was in there with no material and just fuck around, and it's amazing.
Number one, you were doing time, and you were just going ballistic.
I thought you were going to start breaking the stool.
I mean, you just, you know, you were also just finding your legs.
We're talking about 25, maybe even closer to 30 years ago, when you first came out there, and you're screaming your head off, and you get in a heckle fight with a guy.
Now, I will admit that the heckle fights I've had end in the club, okay?
It just ends, not you.
This went outside, where there's, I don't know, 20 people, 20-something people between the two years.
I'm going, he's going to kill this guy.
For what?
The guy yelled out during his set?
But you were right because the guy didn't stop and he was one of those...
Well, also me back then, it was just so weird to be around you.
Because I've told the story before, but when I was 19 years old, me and my girlfriend were sitting in my fucking car in front of my house.
I'll never forget it.
And we're listening to Dice the cassette.
And we're howling, laughing.
She was crying.
She was just going, ah!
She's kept like slapping her arms and and we I just remember thinking this before I even thought about doing an open mic I just kept thinking how the fuck is someone so funny?
I remember listening to that cassette.
It was so good.
It was so fun It's so silly And just me as a kid, as a 19-year-old kid trying to find my way in life, it's just like...
So just for me being around, when I came to the store, I used to be like, holy shit, that's Tice Clay.
The same area where Diaz was going to cut someone's throat weeks earlier.
All right.
And you're just hanging out, you know.
And I said, how you doing?
I introduced myself.
And you were really respectful, really nice.
You still are.
And...
I said, well, what are you doing here?
And you said, what do you mean?
You know, I'm a comic.
I'm going to do a set.
I go, no.
What are you doing here?
You know, at the store.
You know, for 25 hours.
I go, you're on, in my opinion, a hit show, a hit sitcom.
I go, you can be...
Out there making tens of thousands of dollars on the road.
And I'm thinking, who's his manager?
Like I wanted to call the manager, go, why do you have your client at the store when he's on a hit show when in three days he could go make himself 15, 20 grand in a minute?
I got the biggest manager ever, Sandy Gallin, who had everybody from Whoopi to Stallone to Dolly Parton.
I mean, I'm sure you know the name Sandy Gallin.
Okay, so biggest manager in Hollywood.
So I'm trying to do the right thing.
And so now, I don't know, a minute before I go out, Arsenio's the host.
Here comes Dick Clark, who, wow, it's Dick Clark.
You know, you grow up watching this man.
And he comes over, just to hear him call me Dice was hilarious.
And he goes, look, Dice, if you gotta stretch, Arsenio will come over to you, and you'll play around.
And I go, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
What do you mean stretch?
Stretch what?
You know, what am I stretching?
My dick?
What are you talking about?
No, I'm not even kidding.
He goes, no, because Cher might not be ready.
I go, no, no, no.
We didn't work anything out, me and Arsenio.
And I had no problem with Arsenio, but this is a standalone spot.
And he goes, well, this is the way things go.
I go, don't fucking tell me how things go, okay?
You're not my boss.
And as I'm getting angry at him, which in my mind I'm going, are you really getting angry at Dick Clark?
They start introducing me.
Well, I come out there.
Now I'm angry.
Now everybody's going to pay.
Now everybody will be disciplined.
And I don't know how I did the set, but I went into the poems.
Now, you've got to understand, this is not HBO or Showtime.
This is MTV. Everybody gets this.
It's free.
I go into the poems, and what was the poem?
Oh, that got me banned.
I go, Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, jerked off in his girlfriend's eye.
When her eye was dry and shut, Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut.
Oh!
And the crowd's going fucking crazy.
So I figured, go into my fat girl stuff.
And that ended with, you don't know where the tits begin and the belly ends.
It's like one big glop of shit.
Right?
And I go, now I go, because they gave me a signal, ladies and gentlemen, the last Puritan share, and she comes out singing, if I could turn back time, which is what everybody was thinking in the room, if we could turn back time about eight minutes.
But in the meantime, while I'm doing the act...
Dick Clark goes to charge me and Arsenio jumps on his back and tackles him.
So Kennison was there, who I always say he was having a rivalry with me.
I was happy for him when his career took off.
I was thrilled for him.
He had no problem with me because I was on the show Crime Story at the time.
And he was doing, I don't know, four or five thousand seats a night.
He was the guy before I took off.
When my career took off, it went straight to arenas.
I was doing 80,000 to 100,000 people a week.
And he just couldn't handle it for whatever reason.
But he goes, so Kenison's watching this, going, that's it, he's done, he's finished.
In the meantime, the reality was I went from doing one arena show, let's say at the Spectrum in Philly, to two arena shows, or three arena shows.
Where Bill Burr saw me in Boston, whatever arena I did there.
I had one show.
It went to three shows.
It just got bigger and bigger and bigger.
Nothing was hurting.
And so the next day, there's this big meeting at MTV. And Rick Rubin was there.
And my people that I worked with, Sandy, got all these.
But it was the presidents that banning me for life.
You know, which is hilarious.
I'm not even a singer, you know.
Yeah, Mike's own band.
What do I give a shit?
Look at the numbers, you know.
But Dick Clark, this is why Dick Clark became Dick Clark, because the guy that was trying to tackle and beat me to a pulp for what I was doing is standing there.
His hair is now fixed the next day.
And he says to a room full of executors when they're banning me for life, he goes, are you sure you want to do that?
Because Rick Rubin told me.
He goes, this guy is the biggest thing in the world right now, and you're banning him for life?
It was just one of the crazy moments of the backlash of my career.
And like I said, this is 1990. Yeah.
You know, this is years before the arena comedy today, which you do, and Bill does it, and so many...
I didn't even know I was setting that off.
I mean, it was a goal of mine because, honestly, if I was just being honest, I never gave a fuck about stand-up.
It's not why I do it.
You know, I came into stand-up because I just figured...
Instead of going to an acting school once a week, you know, why not get on a stage and develop your own method of acting?
You know, and I could be on a stage every single night and I'd be at the Comedy Store and I'd see all these comics there and they would stand...
But when I came to the comedy store, even at Leno, great comics.
Seinfeld, all great comics.
But they'd stand there like they were in assembly class.
And after five, six minutes, I'd get bored and walk out of the room.
And when I would go back to Brooklyn, my mother...
Who was the one who had the look and the personality.
It's where I get that, you know, that balls bigger than, you know, brass ball thing.
And I would tell her about the comics and I go, about the only one that would move is Richard Lewis.
You know, because his whole act was about, it's all a nightmare, and he would pace, and he would just make me laugh my ass off.
And I would tell her about all these comics, but I come from music.
I come from drumming, singing, dancing, and my mother would say to me, well, what are you going to do, you know?
I go, you know what, Ma, I'll just become the Elvis of comedy.
I go, that's who I loved.
That's my confidence.
That was my true belief, my true statement.
I said, these guys, they're all okay.
But I go, Ma, you know that comics would always just be opening acts for singers.
And I didn't put much into that.
I didn't care about that.
So if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to work on this at the same time I'm working on acting chops, just become the biggest the world has ever seen.
It's funny, I'm in bed with my sugar plum that you met outside, and I should be thinking about having action, and I'm going, look how I could wiggle my toes.
Look at that.
But she gets it, because she's gone through a lot with me since we've been together.
And that's just one of the problems.
But yeah, I love, you know, your thirst for knowledge.
And I'm not looking to get away from the day to laugh.
I got her, during the pandemical, I got her, you know, at the airport.
And I'll get into that later, but the point is, it's the only girl, since I'm 17, that I've ever lived with, we haven't had an argument in nearly four years.
Well, the point I was making, I brought you up and I said, you know, I'm gonna have to, to do this podcast right, I gotta tell Joe my feelings about the thing we were talking about last night.
And I don't want him mad because I've always said the one person...
I've told this to so many comics.
I go, the one person you never want to fuck with and get angry is Rogan.
That includes me, you know.
I go, you can fuck with any comic.
They're all insecure.
They get scared if they see a fly.
I go, don't fuck with Rogan.
Because you're another guy that does the fucking...
And she goes, well, are you going to tell him this?
I go, you know what?
I owe it to myself because if I don't tell him this, then I'm not the man I say I am.
All the male does is protect his children from other males and protect the females from being bred by other males.
Because that's the whole game the whole game is who controls the breeding and then the moment they Ostracize the male they take the alpha and they force him out either they kill him or they gravely injure him They kill all the babies all of his babies all his boys All right, so it's a rough neighborhood So I don't have to change the name?
And I go, I gotta admit, and you even probably know this, you're never gonna find two Dice fans that are arguing over what college you think Dice went to.
You're never gonna find those fans.
One of them might say something like, well, I heard he lived near a college.
I think more likely there was a very advanced civilization and they got wiped out by some natural disaster.
I think where we are right now, I think another civilization before us was maybe more evolved than us or more advanced than us, just in a different way.
And their way was these immense stone structures with a lot of geological...
Not just insane how smooth and cut they were, but supposedly those people didn't even have steel.
Supposedly they were working with copper tools.
And also the methods they used, there were some sort of diamond saws.
Because there's cuts in some of them that indicate a very high RPM drill that they used.
There's all these corings where it seems like the stone's been cored by these super sophisticated machinery that we don't understand today.
We don't know what they used.
We don't know where they got it.
We don't know where it is now.
We don't know what happened.
I think Randall Carlson's explanation and Graham Hancock's explanations are the best.
And what they talk about is that there was a verified 100% impact on Earth somewhere 11,800 years ago.
And not just here, not just like in North America, but all over Europe, they find nanodiamonds and they find evidence of iridium, which is very common in space and very rare on Earth.
So they think that civilization got wiped out.
So that's what I think the pyramids are.
I think the pyramids are the best evidence of that insanely advanced civilization that existed 20,000 years ago.
Like I was really, like I was saying, just really proud when I heard you made the deal and, you know, the whole thing.
Because I know what that feels like when you go from a level you thought that was it.
To this whole other stratosphere.
I know what you were entering and that's why I was texting you at the beginning and even writing things to you like, don't just give away your money because I know how it gets when you hit that level.
I used to give away just, I mean, bums would get $5,000.
I always at that time just carried, I'm not even, and if you're missing a limb, it was 10 grand.
I'm not even kidding.
And I remember being outside the comedy store, and there's a lady, you might have even seen her back then, she had two kids, and, you know, the shopping cart from Ralph's, whatever, and I'm just feeling bad going, this woman doesn't even have a place to live.
And I just take out five grand cash, I go, here, go get yourself a place to live.
You know, don't you think she was back the next night for another five grand?
For guys, but for guys like me who were just coming up, who could barely headline on the road, to be hanging out with you, that you would come and hang out with us.
So I'm filming, this is even before reality became reality, and I never got it out there.
So there's all these new comics at the store.
Ari, you know, Bobby Lee, Maz Gibran, Steve Renazizi, all these new comics that were, you know, like I'm holding court.
You know, because they can't believe I'm over there.
So, I've been filming myself since I made it.
Alright, so I'm filming at the store every night, calling it the show.
Like, I'd be kicking waitresses out of the kitchen, I'd change the lighting in the kitchen, I'd put like red and blue bulbs so the lighting wasn't harsh, you know, and a waitress could be in there getting an order, you know, and I'd go, uh, you're in my shot?
You gotta leave the kitchen.
And it's amazing how I just filmed and filmed and filmed, and one night, You're looking and you got this puzzled look.
And I'm like in it, you know.
And you come over to me and go, can I just ask you something?
So anyway, I do, you know, at the height of doing arenas, because honestly, you know, I almost laugh at it today, because when I would go on sale, we put 20 shows on sale.
Let's say it's, we go on sale Friday morning, 10 o'clock.
Monday, tickets are gone.
Okay?
Half a million tickets gone.
And then I go do the tours.
But what I like, like you said, how I like to hang at the store, even after I did the L.A. Forum, okay?
Now, at the Forum, you had...
Number one, at the end of my shows, this is the stuff people never really realize unless they've come to a Dice concert.
The last 20 minutes to a half hour is all music.
I would do from Luther Vandross, Love Won't Let Me Wait.
And you would think that's what I came there to see because I didn't send a clip of that, but the audience would explode when I would get to the bridge of the song.
But I would do the Elvis stuff, you know, but I'd really do it.
So since I was in high school, when Travolta hit with Barbarino, I realized I could do like the perfect Barbarino.
But what am I going to do with it other than entertaining high school kids?
Now he comes out with Fever and he dances.
Great!
But the night I saw Grease was the night my life changed.
And there was no videos back then.
You understand?
So I'm coming home and I'm like, if I could turn from an impression I'm doing since I'm a kid, seven years old, Jerry Lewis, the nutty professor who would turn into Buddy Love, but if I could turn into Travolta from Professor Kelp, it would just kill as an act.
Only, I never do anything fake, so I had to be able to sing as Travolta doing Grease Lightning, as you saw live.
So I go to a studio in Brooklyn, because that's what I would do.
I would drum, sing.
So I knew about where bands would go to record albums.
So I went to a studio on Kings Highway in Brooklyn called Fly Studios, and I bring the Fever album, and I bring Grease.
And I asked these guys, Can you get the lead vocal out of Grease Lightning?
Because I'm not going to do it fake.
If I can't sound like him, I'm not doing the act.
They got it out.
I rehearsed for three weeks doing this act that these two guys, and I know it sounds like one of my old jokes.
What are your names?
Neil and Bob?
Is that like what you do?
You know, that was a heck of a line.
But the guys that owned the studio's names were Neil and Bob.
Okay.
So these guys are watching me.
You know, I'm in the part where you could record, and they're working, you know, the whole, you know, the board.
And I come out of the bathroom looking like Jerry Lewis, the nutty professor, talking to the mirror.
I have my magic formula, and I'd take the formula, and I'd say, okay, hit the music.
There was an intro.
And I'd be in the dark, rip off the Jerry Lewis stuff, and now I'm Travolta from Grease.
And I did that act at Pips in Brooklyn, which I think you got a picture of the owner with Rodney Dangerfield outside the club.
So I go to Pips on audition night.
And I come up as Jerry Lewis, and I got my whole family there.
My mother, my father, my sister, and...
Because I'm telling them, don't forget, come to Pips.
But what was amazing, when I put the act together, I had to sit in the theater all day and watch Grease with a pad like this and write down names for the moves Travolta was doing.
Or else I'd forget when I would rehearse the act that you were seeing.
The guy in the middle, his name is George Schultz, you know, and Pips was the first real comedy club in America.
Anyway, we're getting coffee, and here comes this guy, you know Rick Rubin with the beard, the whole lot, and he's with this little, like, heavyset guy, and I'm like, oh man, here comes some asshole, you know, and he goes, yeah, can I, you know, he's soft-spoken, can I speak with you a minute, and I do have a Brooklyn attitude.
I'll admit it.
And I go, yeah, what can I do for you, pal?
I've got to do another show.
And then the guy, Mark, that's with me goes, aren't you Rick Rubin?
And I'm looking at him.
I'm going, who's Rick?
He goes, he basically created rap.
And Rick goes, yeah, I want to do an album with you, and I don't want to bother you, I'm going to go next door and watch the second show.
You know, because I had to do another show.
And that's how me and Rick met, and we wound up doing five albums together.
You know, and we were a great team together.
I mean, you know, he's Rick Rubin.
And, I mean, sometimes we would disagree, but you can't get Rick mad.
I said to Rick one time, you know, when Dice Rules, where I do Grease Lightning, that was Dice Rules, the album, okay, besides the movie.
And I go, did they, I was at Westwood One Radio, something like that, and on the way back, you know, I say to Rick, I go, did they put up all the posters like you said they were going to do?
And I go, I want to do, like, the ultimate late-night set.
You know?
And he sort of had the same thought process.
Like, we just go unsuspecting crowd.
You know?
And this is...
Like you would say, at the height of doing the arenas, you know, craziness surrounded me at that time.
It was like the Lady Gaga of stand-up comedy, you know?
And now I just want to go up in front of a few people with no notes, with no idea of what the album's going to be.
And we do three nights at Dangerfields, and it winds up the double CD, The Day the Laughter Died.
Okay.
And I'm just loving it.
The silence.
The smoke.
You could hear me smoke.
People walking out.
And we didn't cut any of it.
Like I said, keep it in there.
It's great.
I really got angry at this family that came in.
See, this could set me up for Saturday Night Live to tell you stuff, but...
So this family comes in, these real fucking out-of-townies from, I don't know, Midwest, Bible Belt, you know, whatever they were, but they were all wearing the same coat and the same hat with the ball on top.
Two daughters, mother, father.
And they're sitting in the front, and the more I got into them, the more the father laughed.
And I got angry at that because I'm going, this guy, I would imagine in my mind that this guy really looks to fuck around with his daughters.
They were old enough, you know, they were like, I don't remember the ages, but I don't know, young 20s, late teens.
And I'm going, why is this motherfucker laughing when I'm doing this instead of going...
I cut it out.
Because I know if I was sitting there with my two daughters and some comic, some asshole on stage is going, so you like to have her on your lap or whatever I said on the album, you know, I'd look at the guy and go, walk away from me and my family.
Or there's a problem.
That's how I would get.
This guy's laughing and I'm angry about it.
So the more he would laugh, the more I would go after this motherfucker.
But there's also no laughs.
That's the part I did enjoy.
The actual silence of the room or somebody walking out and yelling.
Like, that's why I do brag about being the first arena comic.
You know, like, you know, when I think back to my idols, like Elvis Presley, you know, now everybody's into Elvis all these years later, you know, and Elvis fans from way back are always Elvis fans.
But when I saw the 68 comeback special at 12, once again, I'm there with my mother going, I can be that.
Now, I wasn't thinking singer or comic, just the whole image.
And as I grew up, she bought me a leather the next day, a fake leather that was five times too big at JCPenney for $20.
Because I begged her for it, but she would encourage.
So now I'm on the couch doing Elvis, not even knowing how to play the guitar I had.
You know, so his image was so bigger than life, and I took it in a lot different than other people because in comedy, why would I, because of the drums and the singing, I go, just become the Elvis of comedy.
Comedy is self-deprecating, which in today, at 65 years old, I am self-deprecating on stage, and I got a lot to be self-deprecating about.
But when I was...
25, 30 years old, there was no self-deprecation.
You know, that was the difference between Dice and the other comics.
And Mitzi herself told me, when I stopped doing the Travolta Act and started doing Dice, she said, it's never going to work.
And I go, yeah, why's that?
And she goes, number one, it's too tough, and it's not self-deprecating.
I go, just leave me at the Westwood Comedy Store.
Let me worry about it.
And Mitzi loved me from the first day she met me.
When I came down what I call the runway walk from Westwood, she called, I auditioned at the store, did a 28-minute audition, and this emcee starts screaming at me when I come off the stage.
I didn't know who he was.
And he goes, you're never going to play this fucking club again.
I go, are you the owner?
Because I'm 21. So I'm a 21-year-old Brooklynite who doesn't give a fuck.
If you're in my way, I'm going to get you out of my way.
So I said, are you the owner of the club?
And he goes, no.
I go, well, I didn't come 3,000 miles.
To do three minutes, so get out of my way.
I get a call from the comedy store.
I was staying with a friend.
You're playing Westwood tonight.
You gotta come sign papers at the comedy store.
So I go to Westwood.
There was a lady from Brooklyn, Adele.
After my set, she goes, Mitzi wants to meet you.
So I got signed as a regular, first night.
Okay.
Because I did that whole Travolta act, and by then, Stallone, I'm doing Sly as Rocky in it.
And so I come to the store, and she's standing with August and Ollie Jo and Alan Stevens, who I'm great friends with today, and, you know, just all Biff Maynard.
I don't even think you met some of these guys by the time, you know.
Because there's some guys that think that comedy has to come from the same group of people.
It has to come from neurotic, self-deprecating people.
It has to come from these nerds who are bullied by society, and they're funny on stage, and they can tell you what the fuck's going on.
When a guy who comes along like you is very confident, you're a big guy, you didn't come from a theater background, and you have this new approach to it.
And I do want to get into the videos, but just let me finish the day to laugh the guy thing.
So when David Geffen says to me, see, what I always prided myself on, because I became, even though I wanted the acting career, I had two careers going on.
I was building as a comic.
Actually, Dallas was the first place I headlined as a comic in the mid-'80s at a place called the, I forgot the name of the place.
Don't even fucking matter.
It was a club.
You do two weeks at a clip, and I just started headlining.
You know, by the time I was, I don't know, 24, 25. And the thing was, yeah, Mitzi didn't understand it at that point because she knew comics.
Think of old time.
Think of, think of, uh, what the fuck is face.
Homely is a plate full of assholes.
What was his name?
Uh, uh, No, not Don Rickles, who also wasn't a gorgeous guy, but my favorite of all time.
It was selling faster than like Eminem albums when he came out.
So, you know, I got so much to tell you.
There was something I was going to bring up because of the data left.
It's when you have nothing to compare yourself to other than other firsts.
See, I grew up...
Like I said, I didn't care about comedy.
It was all about acting.
Other than my drums and the singing stuff, the musical stuff, when I came into comedy, I said, I'll become like a movie star.
That was my confidence.
And getting on a comedy stage would help me, obviously.
And then there was a lot of backlash, like we said, the first to be canceled type of thing, once I took off.
But you see, before I made it, You know, I was working with my first movie, George Kennedy.
It was called Wacko.
Stella Stevens, who starred with Jerry Lewis and the Nutty Professor, and Joe Don Baker, who did Walking Tall.
This stupid movie called Wacko, but I couldn't believe the people I'm getting to work with.
Like, I'd call home and talk to my parents and my sister and go, you know, it's Joe Don Baker, Walking Tall and George Kent, Cool Hand Luke, you know?
So it was all about the acting.
Then I did a movie, Private Resort, Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow.
Now, Johnny, we know where his career went.
Rob has a more low-key career, but he's a big star.
He's in Billions.
He did his own show, Northern Exposure.
And the producer would say it was a little beach movie in Florida we did.
He goes, the three of you are going to be huge stars.
He just knew this Israeli producer.
Then it was Pretty in Pink.
Molly Ringwald, you know, John Cryer, that John Hughes took one scene I did and split it into two, that's how much he loved me, to show me twice in the movie, Making the Grade, Judd Nelson.
I was almost like auxiliary Brat Pack, that they would use me in their movies.
And then I did Casual Sex for Ivan Reitman and his wife-director, Geneviève, And I played the Vin Man.
And she wrote Casual Sex, and instead of calling it The Dice Man, she called it The Vin Man, and I played the part.
And they show...
They screen the movies for test audiences.
And I was there with one of my wives at the time.
So after the screening, Ivan calls me over with the head of Universal and his wife, and he goes...
Would you come back?
Christmas time.
And I go, for what?
He goes, we're going to rewrite the last 20 minutes to a half hour to make you the star of the movie.
That's how much the audience loved you.
You know, so I'm like, yeah, I'll come back.
And I couldn't believe it.
You know, like, they changed him from, like, the attitude of dice to all of a sudden he's, you know, the other side, the softer, the guy that cries side.
And they rewrote the whole thing to make me the star of the movie.
And they're like, you're going to be a big star.
And then I was working on Michael Mann's crime story, which spawned...
Everybody.
Dennis Farina, Michael Madsen, David Caruso, Kevin Spacey, all these great actors that just blew up from Crime Story, which was the show Michael Mann did after he was done with Miami Vice.
And so Crime Story really became, a few years later, Scorsese's Casino.
So if you could think of Casino, I played in Crime Story the Robert De Niro part, the guy that ran the Casino, and Tony Dennison played the Pesci part in the series.
Now, the series was going to be cancelled.
It wasn't the days of HBO like you put The Sopranos on and it lasts 10 years.
You know, it was a network show.
I forgot if it was ABC or NBC, but it was an expensive show to shoot.
So Michael Mann directed one of the only episodes that I had a giant part in.
Now, if you think a casino, Joe Pesci bangs Sharon Stone, okay?
And then they wind up blowing up De Niro out of the car.
In the series Crime Story, I get blown up out of the car because Tony Dennison is banging my wife in the show.
And Michael Mann's talking about that the show's gonna get cancelled.
And I said, listen, I need to talk to you.
You know, you can't cancel the show.
And he goes, all right, when we take lunch, me and you will go have coffee.
And you know the pepper mill in Vegas on the strip.
So he puts me in his Trans Am, and the strip wasn't like it is today.
You could cut through the desert.
It was a third of the hotels like you see today.
So he cuts through, and I'm wobbling in the car because I'm in this fucking cast.
So now we're in the pepper mill and I'm smoking, you know, my arms up, the whole thing.
And he goes, all right, so what do you need to talk to me about?
Now, Michael Mann at that time is probably 45, 47 years old.
I'm like 29. I'm like the youngest guy in the cast.
And I said, you can't cancel Crime Story.
He goes, you don't understand.
It's a great show, but it's a very expensive show, and nobody has really blown up from the show.
So I'm looking at a guy with a straight face, only I'm in a cast, blowing smoke out of the cast.
I go, I go...
Give me about three, four months, and I'll be like the biggest star on the planet.
He's going, what are you talking about?
Like, now he's like a little pissed off.
I go, I just filmed this Rodney Dangerfield HBO Young Comedian show, and when it airs, I'm going to be the biggest comic in the world that the world's ever seen.
He goes, bigger than Pryor?
I go, way bigger.
Bigger than anybody.
You know.
Bigger than Eddie Murphy.
I go, yeah, of course.
I go, Eddie does, you know, Eddie at his peak was doing 7,000 seats, which was unheard of when he would do it.
But I know where I'm going.
I have a plan.
And he goes, look, Dice.
He goes, I love you as an actor.
And I think you have a big career in acting.
He goes, and...
I wish you all the luck with the skit that you're talking about, with the Rodney thing.
I go, but the show is just too expensive and we're going to get the pink slip on it.
I go, I'm telling you, it's a mistake.
Okay.
The show gets cancelled within a month.
The show's done, you know.
And people loved crime stories.
The people that were fans of Crime Story, it was like Sopranos fans.
You know, the Rodney special is...
Number one, I took a full-page ad in Variety.
Back then it was a newspaper, not digital.
Full page.
Half the page was my picture.
I'm sitting on a chair backwards with a real attitude.
And then the right side was a whole poem about how I never studied much in school before.
But when I turned on the tube, and then I named everybody, there was Elvis the King, Buddy Rich with Hands Like Lightning, Travolta made me dance, every big star, Brando made me pout, Dean had us all, all these big stars.
And at the end, I write, Murphy and Pryor both great, no doubt, but in 88, it's dice thou shalt.
I never studied much in school, but I did study.
Okay?
That comes out on a Thursday, because I know the industry shuts down Friday.
Okay, so I wanted everybody to see this.
Now, obviously, if I was wrong, biggest asshole in the world.
I couldn't give a fuck if there was no one in the room.
I'm going up, I'm rehearsing, because all I wanted to worry about the night of the special, because you're going to be nervous inside, but they can't see it, okay?
So I'm going to look right, and I'm going to play America.
I'm just saying, like, when I talk to guys that come to my show and I go, you know, they're married 30 years, whatever, and I go, So you're still using the P word and the C? Come on.
Especially when you're with somebody for a long time.
I really understand that stuff.
I don't want to do real bits on the show, but I talk about all that on stage and how...
See, because I was the guy that said hated women, but I don't really think...
Like, I have a friend that said to me on the phone, he goes, look, he's 65. I understand that you still love sex.
He goes, I like it too, but not like you.
You like it.
It's like every time you have sex, it's like the first time.
I go, because I always appreciated it.
I always found it exciting, you know?
You know, it's like, you know, one minute you're saying hello to somebody, and what sign are you, and what do you do to make a dollar?
And the next thing, you're just banging into this fucking marbleized meat steak, you know, relentlessly, and going, all right, I guess you're mine now.
Well, I also have resurgence because, you know, like I said, it was always about...
Acting to me.
And, you know, I don't know what I want to talk about.
All right.
So, what was it, 2009 or 10, here comes Doug Allen, who created Entourage.
And he's getting ready to do his very last season of Entourage.
And we have a meeting at the Soho Club, which is like Entourage, you know, and he said to me, and look, when I talk to another comic, sometimes it's hard, so I'm going to say I think you're an incredible comedian.
On top of performer, you're an incredible comedian.
Your thoughts are great, you're a worldly guy, you know a lot of stuff, so when you perform, that's why you have built the audience you have around the entire fucking world.
I mean, to me, this was never even a thought in my head that somebody would come along, you know, because to me, I always look like at Howard Stern, like, who's ever going to come along and top what this guy has done?
And then slowly but surely, here you come.
And now you have basically the biggest audience in the world.
And that's why I tell you how proud I am, because you had enough success way before this To walk away from it all and just do stand-up.
But this is something you wanted and you took the time to nurture it and build it and do it your own way and you just became it.
And I love when I see an original and you are an original and this incredible comic slash performer because you don't stand in one spot on stage.
I've seen you on your back kicking your fucking feet.
It's hilarious to me.
So, when I do say things about myself, don't think I'm the only one that thinks I'm great.
I know others that are great, and you're one of them.
All those other guys, whether it's Howard or Opie Anthony, even Imus, like all those sort of controversial radio characters, they all set the stage for this.
But it was really Opie and Anthony.
That's really where I learned how fun it is just to hang out.
And I would get a call from, you know, my friend and personal security person throughout the years, Club Soda Kenny, who I don't know if he bodyguards you, he bodyguards...
Millions that have gone around in a circle, you know.
And the first time Bobby Lee opens for me.
This is hilarious.
He's a new comic, okay?
Okay.
And I did Bally's, let's see, 12 or 13 years.
It was like this big multi-million dollar deal I had with Bally's, which they never gave any comic in history.
Okay, so that's another first thing.
And so I bring Bobby Lee to open for me.
So I lose a quarter million, you know, within, I don't know, an hour and a half of being there.
You know what?
I am stoned, of course, to you.
So...
So he's sitting, I remember he'd sit on the top of the couch in the room, you know, with his feet like on the cushions.
And he's sitting there, because he doesn't know what to do, you know.
Like he just saw the guy that hired him lose a quarter million dollars.
I said, Bobby, I'll get it back tomorrow.
It's not really, you know, don't even think about it.
Serious, let's order some food, type of thing.
And that's happened a bunch of times because any gambler that says he wins all the time is just lying to you.
But what I always tell my girlfriend, because I don't gamble anymore, That I go, I've gotten to do stuff that people dream of doing, that you only see in movies when you see gambling movies.
You know, I can remember one time, also at Bally's, this is a good story, And Wheels was my opening act.
Now he does Parisi's coffee, you know, and it's incredible coffee.
It's what I drink every day, you know.
So, we were talking about this recently that, so I'm doing Bally's and Wheels is the opener.
And that was even one time I'm playing, Wheels is on stage at Bally's, I'm at Caesars Palace, wearing the Dice Rules jacket, Club Soda Kenny's with me, and he's going, we really need to leave now?
You're on in ten minutes.
So it was a good night for me.
I'm on stage now at Bally's 10 minutes later with $350,000 of chips in my pocket that I didn't even have time to.
Winnings, not even, you know, just all winnings.
So I lose, I'm with Wheels, and I lose the night before a couple hundred grand.
And now we'd sit out at the pool.
I never became like a recluse.
I wasn't going to live my life like that, you know, no matter how big I got in comedy.
I got in the mall by myself.
I got in the cleaners.
I got in the grocery.
Because that's what kept me normal, regular.
Just the guy from Brooklyn that made it, you know.
So we're out at the pool at Bally's and I go, Wheels, you got any money on you?
He goes, I got $20, you know.
I go, yeah, that's enough.
I go, let's go.
We get in a cab.
We go over to the Mirage.
All right.
So at the Mirage at that time, I only had, it was like a $75,000 credit.
Okay, so they give me $75,000.
And I had this dealer.
I forgot this guy's name.
And he's killing me because I play alone.
And I play...
I could play the whole table if I want.
So it's $5,000 a hand.
That's $30,000 across the board.
And this guy's killing me, okay?
But what bothered me is when they would hold the cards for me to cut, let's say you're the player, the dealer goes like that.
Instead of like that, that you could just find the spot and cut it.
So when I was playing the dealer beating me, I asked the pit boss, this guy, do you mind if the dealer...
Turns the cards to me so I could cut.
And Wheels is sitting here, and I'm sitting on this end.
And he goes, yeah, sure, no problem, Dice.
The guy would do it.
Now they switch dealers and pit boss.
Now this is the days where all the women, you know, I hate Dice type of thing, okay?
Which they really didn't.
It was a small number, but the press made it like a big number.
Well, the new pit boss was a woman, and she was a dice hater.
And the dealer's name was Archie, I remember, because he was from Louisiana.
And I said to the pit boss, I go, would you mind if Archie...
You know, because I'm not in character, and I'm not on stage.
I go, would you mind if Archie turned the cards to me so I could cut the cards?
Right after that, I'm going to tell you what happened.
Because it's a great story.
It's like a Rocky story, you know.
So, Wheels, get up.
Sit here.
I'm making a show out of it now.
And I go to the end of the table so I can lean across and cut the cards where I want.
Wheels, get up.
Go back to your seat.
I go, let me tell you something, honey.
Now I'm dice.
I go, you're going to be lucky if you have a job when I'm done here now.
I go, because they're all watching.
I go, Archie, you see that last chip in the $5,000 lane?
No, not the first lane, the second lane?
That's yours.
How does that sound?
Nice tip?
That would be great.
I go, let's play cards!
And I start playing.
Two hands, three hands, six hands, and I'm just winning.
But I'm not stacking the chips.
I'm just throwing them like this.
I don't even know what's there, right?
He's down to the last two chips on the second row.
And I go, alright, this is what I'm going to do.
I go, honey, I want you to pay attention, because I got a little thing I want to ask you.
I go, I want a blackjack, Archie.
I'm going to take the ace of spades, and then I'm going to take the queen of spades.
Okay, that's how you're going to deal it to me.
Sweetheart, I don't know what shit pay they give you here for the 12 hours a day you gotta put in, but I'll bet, and I don't know what's here, but I'm sure it's more than what you make a week, you know?
Or a year, or maybe the next five years.
But I'll bet all this that I pull those cards exactly the way I'm saying it.
It's like, you know, it's like there were just certain days.
It would get to the point, and I've done this, and I've done this in front of gangsters, that one guy said to me, he goes, throw the books away, you hear?
It's just something, if you believe in God, and I'm not a religious guy in any way, but I believe I was put here, you know, and I always knew what I was supposed to be.
You know, like I told you about Elvis when I was 12 years old, and I didn't really talk about Gene Kruper or Buddy Rich with the drums or Ringo Starr.
But I knew I was meant, like when I'd be failing everything in school, I wouldn't even worry about it because I knew I was meant for much more.
No, that's why I talk about Eddie Murphy all the time because Eddie came out on Arsenio.
He was the only one.
And said, I don't know about what's going on.
I don't remember his word.
He goes, but he's funny, and I'm going to the forum to see him, however he said it.
You know, he was the one guy.
I remember driving down, green Cadillac convertible, Kelly Green, with my wife at the time, and she's going, somebody's yelling at you, Andrew.
And it was Eddie Murphy in a little convertible Mercedes.
He's going, well, And he gets out of his car on a side street near Crescent, that I made a right turn before Melrose, and he pulls behind me, gets out of his car, because he always liked me.
At the Comedy Store, he'd walk away from—this was before I made it—he'd walk away from his entourage.
You know, just to talk to me.
He loved what I did.
He gets out of his car.
I go, don't let them fuck with you.
He goes, I see how they're doing.
Don't let them get to you.
I see what they're doing.
I mean, and he really had my back that way, but nobody else did.
Every other comic opening their fucking mouth, from Jay Leno to George fucking Carlin.
And of course, when they'd come face to face with me, kiss my ass.
Apologize.
That's how these fucking guys were.
That's why I get angry now, even.
Because, you know...
I like guys like Leno.
I think I'll even say it now.
I think he's one of the funniest guys out there.
But what a dickhead.
Like, he used to stand leaning against your motorcycle before I ever made it, you know, talking to me all the time.
And then the day I took off and got bigger than any comic you ever heard of, I'm no fucking good.
So, yeah, the real reason was that her contract was up in two weeks, and he wasn't going to renew it.
He didn't want her no more.
That's it.
So that was her way of getting back at him, because the most controversial comic ever, really, is hosting the show.
I'm going to walk off and cause a problem.
And then Sinead followed in suit, but Sinead apologized when she went on Arsenio.
She goes, if I knew what I knew then, my management talked me into walking off, because this girl Nora did.
She was supposed to be the musical guest.
Yeah, it was a rough time.
My mother used to say, she goes, they come after you more than they go after OJ. She really meant it, and it was unbelievable, because anytime I turn on TV... Well, it certainly seems like that, because it's you, though, you know?
It's like for some reason it became like a hot-button cultural issue, like where your comedy was this character was demeaning and it was going to cause other people to be demeaning too.
But my thought was, is it going to cause you to be demeaning?
Are jokes going to cause you to be demeaning to people?
Number one, I just think, you know, we've been so held back now.
Like comedians, for the most part, are just being held back.
Because comedians, as Lenny Bruce put it, and I don't even study comics, We're supposed to be a mirror of what's going on in the world and say things what's going on in a funny way.
That's all comedy's supposed to be.
You know, depending on how hard you want to get about it, well, that's up to the actual individual comic.
It's either a year or two years that I'm dealing with this, but I refuse to back up.
You understand?
I refuse to just fold.
I've been like this my whole life.
Whatever goes wrong.
Have a heart attack?
Okay.
Stop smoking that day.
Just start working out like an animal.
And, you know, you work out way different than me.
I've seen you kicking the bags.
I mean, I give it up to you with that stuff.
Even if I do crunches, I do sets of 100, so I'll do 600, 700 a day just to start the workout after I do some cardio.
It's all about repetition to me and just staying as good as I could feel.
If I don't feel that good in my chest because I'm paranoid because I had a heart attack, When I'm in the gym and I'm pumping the weight, doing the chest work, I go, all right, you're okay.
Because I was taught a long time ago by a cardiologist, the heart is a muscle.
And if the heart can't handle it, it won't let you do it.
It's that simple.
And even when I got my heart attack, I'll never forget...
The minute I was told I could exercise a little, I went up Runyon Canyon because I was either going to make it to the top of the canyon or not.
You know, I'm not willing to live my life in fear.
You know, fear stops people from doing all kinds of things they want to do.
Even going after a career.
You know, so I just refuse to do that.
And yeah, if I got to feel some tightness in my face, I'll feel it.
See, people gotta understand, she was first my friend, then, you know, like an ex-fiance now, and then she started doing stand-up, and the first time I put her on stage, she was off stage in four minutes.
The crowd didn't even let her get going.
It was at Westbury Music Fair.
And anybody else would have quit the business from that humiliating moment.
My other favorite opener was Jim Norton, that the first time he opened for me, and I put her right next to him, you know, as my two favorite openers ever.
Because I actually got, when we were in Canada recently, so I only normally do one show a night.
Because I don't want to rush the crowd out.
They pay a high ticket price to see me.
So I like giving them time.
I like digging into the bits and coming up with stuff.
And it's not the day the laughter died.
I want to kill them.
I want them to walk out and go, I never saw anybody like this.
He's better today than he was 30 fucking years ago.
So what happens on the internet is that the fans, my real fans, get really pissed off at these people going, how did New Yorkers not fucking know that this is Dice?
But also, now and then, I do put up a real fan because, you know, I can't have people think nobody knows me.
You know what I mean?
So I, like, destroy my own career by doing this.
So we're trying to sell that show.
So I just wanted to tell you about it with Doug Allen because of these shots I've had in my life.
That, like I said, he was getting ready to do, and trust me, none of these people asked me to talk about it.
I'm talking about it because it meant the world to me and because we've talked about my acting, you know, and so when they were doing the last, this is why I told you how great I thought you were, when they were doing the last season of Entourage, I meet with Doug at the Soho house, and he goes, listen, he goes, tell me what's been going on in your life.
I haven't seen you a lot, you know.
And I told him, it's been tough.
That was a really down time.
I never hurt for making a living because of all the millions of people I entertain, so there's always a core audience.
But I wasn't up there where I was at top of mind type of thing.
So he goes, listen to me.
He goes, I'm just going to tell you the truth.
I remember where I was when the Dangerfield special aired.
He goes, to me, you're the greatest comic ever, hands down.
He goes, I'm giving you the last season of Entourage.
And he goes, and that's going to air, and wait till you see, because he knew that I loved acting.
He goes, wait till you see where your career goes.
And the minute that thing aired, it was like the Rodney special.
Number one, I did a special right after it called Indestructible that I had my sons that have still Rebel Band, you know, open the show and they got to play one of their songs and they were phenomenal.
And I know we're wrapping up, but they're called It's Still Rebel Band.
People could go and look at them, but they're great musicians.
And so that was a thrill to do the special with my family and have Eleanor open and bring them on and they bring me on.
And from that, here comes Woody Allen.
Did Woody Allen ever think of giving dice?
A movie.
And everybody thought I was going to be nominated for this movie with Cate Blanchett and Sally Hawkins and Bobby Cannavale.
That's how we became friends.
So I started working and doing what I originally set out to do in the acting field all the way to working with Scorsese, The Greatest.
And then the biggest thing I did was A Star is Born with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga and And, you know, I would just say I'm finally, after everything I've gone through, all these fights, and because I didn't back down from it,
and I did go after it, and I'm not trying, even though I love the Rocky movies, it is true that you have to push forward and not back up and not just, oh, woe is me type of fucking thing, and go after the dream and believe in it.
And I've gotten to work with the greatest actors, actresses, directors, all the way to date, even doing, you know, working with Sebastian Stan in the new, when they did the Pam and Tommy series on Hulu recently.
And I'm going, this was the dream.
That was the dream.
Not the stand-up.
That was something I just started getting good at working on myself.
You know, I do the big stages still, like Atlantic City.
I'm booked for all those.
I'm doing...
Of course, Diaz, he does Sony Hall, so I'm doing two shows there in June.
I just don't know the exact...
I think 16th and 17th of June.
I'm going to Hawaii.
But...
My favorite shows are the Club Dice shows, like I'm doing for you tomorrow, you know, because that's how it all started.
And the fans coming to see that are fans that did sit in the shitty seats, you know, in Section 200, where I'm the size of an ant, and they're going, all right, so, you know...
For a hundred bucks, I could come in, grab a couple beers, and sit 20 feet away from Dice and watch them work, you know?
And I just love it so much, and I feel I'm better at stand-up than I've ever been in my life, because I've got 45 years' experience of it.
Like, even, you know, when Starbucks started the whole thing about plastic, this fucking asshole who built a career, I think that's what I was doing at the Riv, You know, when I said, just talk about what people understand.
You know, talk about getting older.
Talk about waking up, you can't feel your fucking feet.
You open your eyes and you go, my fucking neck, fuck that guy with the pillow.
You know, and I go, talk about what people relate to.
So when that happened, and I go, no more plastic straws.
What about the cup?
I go, the fish are good with the cup, but, you know, somehow my straw is choking Moby fucking dick to death, you know, and I'm eating cardboard out of the cup now.
So it's just real stuff people relate to, like when I talk about the sex, and I'm not going to go into routines, but I'm just saying being real on stage.
I'm gonna tell you, when I was doing all those arenas, and I know you do them now, I started getting claustrophobic, right?
After about three years.
It was hard to take.
So I get a call because I became great friends with Axel Rose and Guns N' Roses.
So Axel calls me and he's talking like common sense to me because he goes, I want you to open for me at the Rose Bowl.
In between Metallica and us, you know, I need you to open the show.
And I'm like, you know, I love you.
You're going to kill it.
I go, I can't do that anymore.
I go, it's too many people.
He goes, Dice, you just come out and look at the sky.
It'll be great.
And this is Axel, who's been called nutty, you know, talking common sense.
I go, you're right, it's outside.
Now, you're talking about a show that was 104, over 100,000 people.
104,000.
A little more than that.
And Metallica just did two hours.
And I'm backstage with the camera.
And the cameras were big back then.
And I'm filming Slash.
And he looks up, you know, and he goes, who's behind the camera?
I go, it's Dice.
I was just thinking, like, what are you going to say when you go out there?
Oh, that's really helping, man.
104,000 people.
Let me tell you, number one, it was one of the greatest moments of my entire career.
You know, and I walked out to Queen, We Will Rock You.
So the drum beats playing, you know, boom, boom.
The minute I walked out, I could have done two hours.
The whole stadium stood up for me.
I got to chill.
It was unreal.
And afterwards, they have after parties that are bigger than most concerts, and it's always a theme, and it was Casablanca, okay, with a 16-piece orchestra.
And I would always tease Matt Surum about, you're a good drummer, but, you know, you play rock and roll.
That's pretty simple, basic shit, you know.
But I would tease him, because he's obviously a great, great rock drummer.
And all Axl wanted to do after the show was just hang with me and sit at a little table with him and my girl and his girl.
And Serum is over there.
And I go, all right, all right, let's put this all to rest.
And I go over to the band, which is a big...
You got Marilyn Monroe's walking around, Humphrey Bogart's walking around.
And I go over to the band leader and I go, do you have the chart for Sing Sing Sing, which is a Benny Goodman song that the drums play a big part.
I'm sure...
You know the song, right?
So there's a big drum solo in that, like a tom-tom big thing.
And I get behind the set and I go nuts on the solo.
Like real big on the tom-tom, like Gene Krupa type of drumming.
And afterwards I come over and I hand serum the sticks and I go, show me when you could do that.
Because I'm playing the entire arrangement by heart.
The whole band is reading it off the chart.
I just know the song and I know how it goes.
And to experience that kind of moment is unreal, you know?
And then, you know, I don't think you would know this, but I was very...
My son, Max, when he started playing drums, he was 11 years old at 15. He goes, Dad, you know...
Because he knew I was close with the band.
He goes, you know you're the only one that could put that band back together.
I go, why?
Why me?
He goes, because you don't gain anything.
I go, what do you mean?
He goes, you don't want anything.
And I didn't, you know.
I said, well, we'll see.
Maybe one day.
So now, years later, I'm touring Australia.
And the minute I got there at the hotel I was staying at, they're Slash having breakfast and sitting out on the porch on the rooftop of this whatever city I was in in Australia that I landed in.
And he's sitting this close to where my son Dylan is playing lead guitar and singing, which Dylan couldn't get past.
It was amazing.
I wouldn't be able to do it, you know.
The next day, we go to Starbucks.
It's me, him, Tom Mayhew, who was the road manager, and my son, Max, who's the drummer in our band.
So we're talking about the next move to put G&R back together.
So Tom is like, well, the thing is, every time Slash puts out a tweet, it's always condescending.
I said, well, that's what's got to get fixed because Duff was all in.
He's just a regular great guy, one of the greatest bass players.
I love him.
So now Slash puts out the tweet that Axl's one of the greatest players.
Next thing you know, I'm at the Troubadour with my sons and the VIP seeing their first show ever where Axl broke his ankle during that show and kept going.
Nobody knew he broke it.
He fell off the fucking speaker that he stands on.
But it always just brings me a lot of joy that they put that band back together because they're so incredible.