April 21, 2023 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:29:08
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast. | |
| Check it out. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Jamie looking yoked. | ||
| Like a motherfucker. | ||
| Hitting balls across the fucking desert. | ||
| Yeah, he's addicted to that golf. | ||
| I should see him out there with the simulator. | ||
| He told me he was out in the backyard. | ||
| Good for him, man. | ||
| You still won't hit a golf ball? | ||
| I've hit a couple golf balls. | ||
| I'm just not going to play golf. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| Of what? | ||
| Get addicted to it. | ||
| They're all addicted. | ||
| Ron White, Tony Hinchcliffe, him, all these guys. | ||
| They're addicted. | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| He's over there, Jones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Got the bug. | |
| They go every day? | ||
| You guys go every day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's on the simulator every day. | |
| The kid motherfucker can whack a golf ball. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's like shooting jump shots, though. | |
| You've got to practice the jump shot. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to practice the jump shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Tremendous. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| How long did this take you to do? | ||
| 22 fucking years. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And then I hooked up with Erica Florentine, Jimmy's niece, and she put it all together for me. | ||
|
unidentified
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Nice. | |
| I'm happy I did it and got it over with. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I got all that shit off my fucking chest. | ||
| Joey Diaz is an author. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I bet this is great. | ||
| I've heard most of these stories, I'm sure. | ||
| But I don't know with you. | ||
| You know, I always think I've heard all the fucking stories and then another one pops up. | ||
| If you really could, like, document everything you've been through in your life, like, no one would believe it. | ||
| They don't believe it. | ||
| People still sometimes don't believe some of those stories. | ||
| Yeah, we're on. | ||
| Oh, good to see you. | ||
| The one thing that, writing it and reading it, I did the audio book. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| I did the audio book. | ||
| How was that? | ||
| Good. | ||
| And everybody said, it's going to suck. | ||
| I go, give me three hours a day. | ||
| Give me a space in between. | ||
| And I'll go in there and just knock it off in two and a half weeks. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| But once I read it, like, you know, because it's been in your head for a long time and shit. | ||
| Once I read it, I only got one thing out of this book. | ||
| I got my money's worth. | ||
| When they picked me for a life, I got my money's worth. | ||
| Whether it was good or bad, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Whether it was good or bad, I got my money's worth out of this life. | ||
| If I get hit by a plane tonight, I'm good. | ||
| Seriously, that's what I came up with. | ||
| Adventures, fucking stories. | ||
| I was the biggest loser how many times I started over. | ||
| If you read that book, I must have started over 60 times. | ||
| You know, just move. | ||
| Pick up, move, and go to another town and rob them blind. | ||
| And then pick them up and go back. | ||
| I was like a fucking yo-yo, man. | ||
| I was very unsettled. | ||
| You were unsettled when I met you. | ||
| Very. | ||
| It was so funny because I remember I was talking to some guys the other night in the green room about when I met you. | ||
| I was like, I had come to LA and I was just so not used to actors. | ||
| I was so not used to those kind of people. | ||
| But I was so used to like comics and degenerate pool hall people. | ||
| And then I met you, and I was like, oh, I know you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a combination. | |
| Like, I knew you. | ||
| I knew you right away. | ||
| You and I became friends like that. | ||
| Quickly. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| I remember, like, there's so many people that got weirded out by you. | ||
| It was so funny when I bring you around, like, news radio. | ||
| With the leather jacket. | ||
| Joey was building a football player back then. | ||
| And you would go into the fucking, the green room where all the executives and you were eating all the shrimp cocktail. | ||
| And they were like, they were scared to say anything because like, that room was separated from everybody else's green room. | ||
| So they had their own thing where they go in there and everything was catered and beautiful and champagne and you just strolled in there and started eating shrimp cocktail and they're like, Who's this criminal-looking fellow who's eating a shrimp cocktail? | ||
| Well, they had the table with the regular food, and I remember they had chili. | ||
| I'll never forget that. | ||
| They had the best chili in the world. | ||
| I was broke, I was hungry, and I must have ate ten bowls of it. | ||
| And then I looked over, and there's all these little white dudes with, you know, ha, ha, ha, ha. | ||
| You know, I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| And they had the jumbo shrimp and the thing. | ||
| So I walked right in there, right past them. | ||
| And I just started mingling with them. | ||
| Great show. | ||
| Great script. | ||
| Tremendous actor, Andy Dick. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| And then they came to you and you would die in a laugh. | ||
| And you're like, Joe, you can't. | ||
| They just, boom. | ||
| And then the time with the man show. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we had some times with that one. | |
| I think the first, like, eight years you were like, I don't know if I can handle this guy. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I did my best. | ||
| Do you remember Stand Up New York with Sussman when I went off on the owner? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| During August. | ||
| For fear factor, we went in there. | ||
| And he's like, you're not going to get a spot tonight. | ||
| I go, I didn't ask for a fucking spot, you asshole. | ||
| He just looked at me and was like, what the fuck, Joey? | ||
| I didn't like that dude, so. | ||
| But no, at the beginning, I know that you were like shaking your head a lot. | ||
| This guy's not. | ||
| Yeah, but it made me comfortable. | ||
| I love being around you because I know people like you. | ||
| I understand you. | ||
| I didn't understand actors. | ||
| It made me so uncomfortable because I never knew who they really were. | ||
| I never knew what they really thought. | ||
| They were never present with you. | ||
| Not all of them, but it was just like there was enough of them out there that were trying to make it in Hollywood and they were putting on a show for everybody, everywhere they went. | ||
| So you never really knew who they were. | ||
| With you, I was like, right away, I was like, oh, I know guys like you. | ||
| Like, right away. | ||
| It was rough those couple years, because I would go to meetings and stuff, and people would go, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, you were rough. | ||
| You were rough. | ||
| Rough. | ||
| I was like, I don't know. | ||
| And then I remember I went to HBO. Somebody got me a meeting at HBO, like in 98. And I had no success at all. | ||
| Like, I wasn't having any success at all, except for the Comedy Store. | ||
| And I went to that meeting. | ||
| And something. | ||
| I went with actors and agents, and you know how proper they are. | ||
| This is an idea about the future of this show. | ||
| And I could just take it for so long, and I just went. | ||
| And I talked about growing up in a funeral parlor, picking up bodies, going to fucking JFK, and bringing the bodies back, and slinging them in the mouth of the guy's body. | ||
| The mouth would open on the body, because my friend had a funeral parlor. | ||
| And they were like, hold on one second. | ||
| This is stunning. | ||
| And I just started going off on them. | ||
| And they're like, we want to hear more. | ||
| Put these together in notes for me. | ||
| And I was like, OK. And then after the new year, I gave them the notes. | ||
| And I was on fire. | ||
| I didn't tell anybody about this. | ||
| Some guy hip-pocketed me and took me to a meeting. | ||
| And that was six feet under. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So we were on. | ||
| I was like, OK, OK. And they were like, we don't know if this is going to work. | ||
| But then they turned me down. | ||
| They go, we like the idea, but funeral ideas haven't worked. | ||
| This went on for like two months. | ||
| And then six months later, fucking Six Feet Under came out. | ||
| Oh, they just took your idea. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think they took my idea. | ||
| Listen, that happens all the time. | ||
| I thought they had it in development. | ||
| But my idea was completely different. | ||
| It was about two hoodlums who worked at a funeral parlor. | ||
| It wasn't about whatever that show turned out. | ||
| But I think the concept is just constantly handling dead people. | ||
| There's something about that that never was really covered before. | ||
| That's got to affect the way people see life. | ||
| I remember the first time I saw my grandfather was in an open casket, and the first time I saw his body, I remember immediately, it was very interesting, because one of the first things I felt was like, oh, he's not there. | ||
| You know, like, it's not just that someone's not alive anymore, like, he wasn't there. | ||
| That was when I started wondering, I wonder if a soul is a real thing. | ||
| I wonder what that is, that concept of what is the force inside of someone that causes them to be alive. | ||
| You sense it when you're around them. | ||
| Because the strange thing about dead bodies is not just that they're a human body that's dead. | ||
| It's also there's no one there. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, you have a feeling that's very intangible. | ||
| There's a feeling when you're around a person. | ||
| Like, there's a person there. | ||
| When the person's not there, it's like, well, he's not there anymore. | ||
| There's no energy. | ||
| There's nothing coming from the body. | ||
| There's no nothing. | ||
| It's not as simple as the heart's not beating and the lungs aren't catching oxygen. | ||
| It's something more. | ||
| It's like you feel it. | ||
| I don't know if it's real. | ||
| And it's also, when you're looking at a body that's in an open casket, it's been drenched in formaldehyde and covered in makeup. | ||
| It's very odd. | ||
| Very odd. | ||
| Now, they say that when you die, you lose how much pounds? | ||
| I don't think that's real. | ||
| 21 grams? | ||
| Yeah, 21 grams. | ||
| That's a movie that that dude made. | ||
| Let's see if that, what was that based on? | ||
| That was based on some sort of a study, but from what I understand, it's not real. | ||
| I don't think your soul would weigh anything. | ||
| Why would it have to weigh anything? | ||
| It's just the spirit. | ||
| It's just an energy. | ||
| Does electricity weigh anything? | ||
| You want me to tell you something, man? | ||
| I grew up going to a lot of wakes early in. | ||
| When you watch The Sopranos, they go to a wake every other week. | ||
| In Jersey, you're in a wake every other week. | ||
| I've been there three years, and I already could have gone to like 18 wakes. | ||
| I've been to maybe two or three of them. | ||
| But in three years, wakes are big. | ||
| But you look at the whole process of a wake. | ||
| I would never let my daughter go to a wake now until she's 18, just because the effects it did to me. | ||
| I don't remember my father's wake, but I remember my friend's wakes from grammar school, and I remember my mother's wakes. | ||
| And those three wakes fucked me up. | ||
| To the point where somebody else died when I was like a junior or a senior in high school and I didn't go to that wake. | ||
| I was like, I've had enough wakes. | ||
| I don't think it's healthy. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| For me, it wasn't. | ||
| I got exposed to it at a young age and it just wasn't healthy, man. | ||
| It fucked with me for a long time. | ||
| I watched The Exorcist. | ||
| It didn't fuck with me as much as those caskets fucked with me. | ||
| So when my buddy had the funeral parlor years later, I volunteered for the job because I didn't want to have that creepiness between us, and that eliminated... | ||
| I saw how he responded to it. | ||
| It was like an everyday thing. | ||
| It was like you lifting kettlebells. | ||
| Him picking up a dead body, putting him down. | ||
| You know, I saw how he... | ||
| You get numb. | ||
| You're numb to that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the... | ||
| You know, but it's so weird how it's like the number one career to get into. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| It pays off the bat. | ||
| Like, off the bat, if you go to school, embalming school, whatever they call it, it's like a funeral director, the whole thing, they cover everything. | ||
| It's like a year if you don't go to college. | ||
| A year. | ||
| A year to make a hundred and something thousand dollars. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| Yeah, if you're willing to work with dead people. | ||
| If you're willing to work with dead people. | ||
| My friend's funeral parlor had a fireman that did the embalming. | ||
| So he would just come in and do the embalming. | ||
| You know, 400 a body, whatever. | ||
| I don't know what it's done during the embalming. | ||
| It's very sacred. | ||
| I know they break the spine, they drain the blood, they fill you with formaldehyde and shit. | ||
| But that whole process, and then you go back and look at the Aztecs and how they did. | ||
| The Chinese, they put you on a boat and they float you away. | ||
| They celebrate the spirit. | ||
| I think the Vikings did it right. | ||
| The Vikings did it right. | ||
| Light that motherfucker on fire. | ||
| Light him on fire. | ||
| Everybody had their own thing, which is very interesting. | ||
| The Aztecs, this, that, everybody had their own way of dealing with it. | ||
| So we were on the right path. | ||
| I just don't think of going in there and sitting with a dead body for three hours. | ||
| And looking at them as healthy. | ||
| And then I heard stories from Cuba where they had no embalming fluids and you would have to bury, your body would die and you would have to wake at your home. | ||
| Like in the 40s, 20s, they had wakes of people's homes without the embalming fluid. | ||
| And at one point, the fucking hand would pop up. | ||
| And you'd have to break the arm to put the casket down. | ||
| Because once that rigor mortis sets in that arm, that's a straight, that's fucking straight strength. | ||
| You're not just going to bend that arm in and do an arm bar or a kimura. | ||
| It's not going to fucking happen. | ||
| So they have to break the arm to put the arm down. | ||
| So when I was a kid, my mother would always go, if you hit your mother, your arm pops up in your fucking casket. | ||
| So I decided I'm not going to hit my mom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that. | |
| I'm going to walk into fucking hell with your arm up like Hitler. | ||
| You know, you hit your mother. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You're the first person to tell me about the scams of the whole mortuary industry. | ||
| About how much money they get you for. | ||
| Even if you want to get an embalming, or even if you want to get someone cremated, you still have to get them embalmed. | ||
| You still have to fill them up with formaldehyde. | ||
| You were explaining the caskets, how they guilt you into getting a nicer casket. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What do you want? | ||
| You want to be buried in four pieces of wood or you want the Cadillac caskets? | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| I got one with a sunroof. | ||
| They got everything now. | ||
| But how weird is it that people give a fuck what the box looks like that they bury you in? | ||
| So strange. | ||
| The things that people do to show that they cared when someone was alive. | ||
| Buy a fancy box to put them in, like... | ||
| If that's me, save your money. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Yeah, I remember I had that joke just bury me in the yard my friend That's how you died and they want a 15 grand and I'm like you got a yard that's huge Yeah, that was an old joke. | ||
| I'm like, you know, you got a hard 15,000 Not only that then then the person gets cycled back into life You become a part of the earth again because like what we're doing is very unnatural. | ||
| We stop the body from Decaying so you stop bacteria from eating it. | ||
| You stop the soil from being enriched by it It's all a natural part of the cycle of life of all living things. | ||
| And we've removed ourselves from it. | ||
| We've removed ourselves from it. | ||
| And you could say, well, it was a good thing because you ever watch that HBO show with Dr. Michael Badden, Autopsy? | ||
| Sometimes they... | ||
| Exhumed people and they find out that the wife really did it. | ||
| You ever watch that show? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That fucking show was amazing. | ||
| We've had numerous conversations. | ||
| In fact, they took Biden, what was his name, Michael Bowden? | ||
| Michael Bowden. | ||
| He was retired and they took him back to get the autopsy on Epstein. | ||
| And they found out that he had a fracture in his neck that was indicative of being strangled with a ligature. | ||
| Like some sort of a fucking cord. | ||
| Yeah, and this wasn't like when people hang themselves. | ||
| When they hang themselves, the weight of it goes up because your body is hanging down. | ||
| So it's like you're getting pulled. | ||
| This was down on his neck, like low, like someone strangled him from behind. | ||
| In his throat, the bones in his neck were fractured, which is also like a ligature strangulation. | ||
| Isn't it weird how that just went down? | ||
| Still going down. | ||
| Disappeared. | ||
| They put Ghislaine in jail, and they never released a client list. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| The fact that that's okay with people, and everybody's freaking out about Bud Light. | ||
| Okay, you care about Bud Light? | ||
| Care about Bud Light. | ||
| You should really care about that, because it's showing that people that are in power can probably have people killed and probably hide evidence that they did something that people would find atrocious. | ||
| And we just never questioned it. | ||
| He died. | ||
| We knew it was the fucking mystery man. | ||
| I think it's good there's more of that. | ||
| The more of that shit that's out there, the more people realize how fucking ridiculous it is to think that these people that are in positions of power give a fuck about you. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| That's why I don't fuck with politics. | ||
| Don't fuck with politics. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| It's not necessary. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I don't. | ||
| Because at the end of the day, it don't matter. | ||
| They don't give two fucks about you. | ||
| I just went off at a restaurant Sunday. | ||
| Some lady... | ||
| I don't know why people do this. | ||
| Some couple asked me if I was a fucking Republican. | ||
| A couple asked you that? | ||
| Yeah, it was at a restaurant. | ||
| You know, you had a bar and you're eating. | ||
| There's a couple next to you and you're talking, you're watching a game. | ||
| And she goes, are you a Republican or a Democrat? | ||
| And I looked at her and I go, I'm a felon. | ||
| And she just shit. | ||
| She goes, what are you talking about? | ||
| I go, listen, I don't play that shit, okay, lady? | ||
| I go, all you motherfuckers have gotten too political in the last 10 years. | ||
| Everybody's a political analyst. | ||
| I go, I got here in 66. And I always paid attention to elections and what people said. | ||
| I always did. | ||
| And by the time I was 18, I realized, you know what? | ||
| These people come along every four years with the same fucking story and nothing gets done. | ||
| So I chose a different path for my life instead of focusing on that. | ||
| Call me when the president who says, listen... | ||
| You don't have to go to work and you're going to get your balls licked all day. | ||
| That's who I'm voting for. | ||
| Until that fucking time, I get KLS because I still got to get up and be a thief every fucking day. | ||
| I still got to get up and hustle every fucking day. | ||
| So what good is it? | ||
| Every day, they're going to lower taxes. | ||
| They're going to do this. | ||
| They're going to do that. | ||
| And I'm still getting up, busting my fucking hump every fucking day. | ||
| Well, who gives a fuck? | ||
| I think a bad president is very bad. | ||
| But I think a good president, you just take for granted. | ||
| You don't think anything and just go about your life. | ||
| Obama was very good. | ||
| There was a lot of great presidents that we had. | ||
| But it makes the country safer if someone makes good decisions, if someone's a good figurehead. | ||
| The problem when someone isn't, whether it was Trump or whoever it was, when people mock them and are angry at them, it's just bad for morale. | ||
| It's bad for everybody. | ||
| I saw all that shit. | ||
| I saw the last two or three presidents how much as Americans we backbite. | ||
| When I was a kid, we didn't backbite that much. | ||
| Didn't backbite like the president? | ||
| Like the president. | ||
| Attack the president? | ||
| Yeah, attack the president that much. | ||
| There was a lot of people that hated Kennedy, right? | ||
| Like that was one of the things about when he got assassinated, there was a lot of people that were very happy. | ||
| That's one of the kinkiest things in our history. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Who was happy? | ||
| For sure the Republicans. | ||
| There was a lot of Republicans that did not like him. | ||
| It was right after the Bay of Pigs. | ||
| There was a lot going on with him. | ||
| And, you know, he had all this talk about secret societies, the being abhorrent, and that he wanted to disband the CIA. That motherfucker wanted to get us out of Vietnam. | ||
| Like, Kennedy was a different cat. | ||
| He was a different cat. | ||
| And, you know, for all of his... | ||
| Sexual proclivities and all, you know, all the documented things of him being a freak. | ||
| They're all freaks. | ||
| That's why those people became presidents in the first place. | ||
| That's why they wanted power. | ||
| There were men who wanted power. | ||
| And men who wanted power were all like, you know, like your stereotypical man in power. | ||
| Like that's, there's a reason why that stereotype exists. | ||
| But when you look at what he was trying to do for the country and trying to unite people and the speeches that he gave, To this day, they're fucking incredible. | ||
| Civil rights. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| He pissed off a lot of people. | ||
| Even talking about going to the moon, just the way he phrased it. | ||
| We choose to go to the moon, not because it's easy, because it is hard. | ||
| He talked about that. | ||
| He wanted it to be a symbol of American excellence. | ||
| He wanted to set a tone for the country. | ||
| They shot his ass. | ||
| He dropped those... | ||
| You know, those Cubans feel like he fucked them. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The Bay of Pigs Cubans feel like... | ||
| I think there was... | ||
| I don't understand that story totally. | ||
| I've been told several different versions of it, that he was double-crossed, that they pulled out support. | ||
| They pulled out their support at the last minute. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I've heard he was an idiot, and I've heard he was a piece of shit, and I've heard, no, he got fucked. | ||
| So it's like, I would have to go do a deep dive. | ||
| You know, it's very difficult when you're reading some versions of history, because you can read a lot of versions of history that treat the Lee Harvey Oswald lone assassin stories if it's plausible. | ||
| You can read a lot of versions of that. | ||
| You go, oh yeah, I guess so. | ||
| But then you'll read, you know, David Lifton's book, Best Evidence, and you'll be like, there's no fucking way. | ||
| They killed him. | ||
| They fucking killed him. | ||
| Let's just skip it out of the way. | ||
| They killed him. | ||
| They didn't just kill him, Joey. | ||
| For sure, someone in the CIA had something to do with it because of Jolly West's involvement. | ||
| Jolly West was the guy that was the head of NK Ultra. | ||
| He was the guy that dosed up Manson and they ran the Haight-Ashbury free clinic. | ||
| The CIA ran a free clinic in San Francisco for fucking decades. | ||
| And then they ran Operation Midnight Climax, where they would dose up Johns with acid. | ||
| These guys would go into brothels. | ||
| They'd dose them. | ||
| They'd think they'd go to have sex, and the woman would give them a drink, and they're drinking acid. | ||
| And they'd just get dosed up, and then they'd study these guys. | ||
| They did some wild, freaky shit. | ||
| And one of the things that he did... | ||
| When he got, when Jack Ruby shot Lee Harvey Oswald, he went to visit Jack Ruby in prison. | ||
| And from that moment on, Jack Ruby lost his fucking mind. | ||
| He was hiding underneath the bed, saying the Jews are being incinerated, they're coming to kill us all. | ||
| He was tripping balls. | ||
| I think they just dosed that guy into a fucking coma, and then after they dosed him into a coma, they gave him cancer. | ||
| And he was dead like within a year. | ||
| And it's all connected. | ||
| It's all connected. | ||
| And the idea that no one was involved in that assassination other than Lee Harvey Oswald, that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Even if Lee Harvey Oswald was the only one who pulled the trigger. | ||
| Even if that. | ||
| Lee Harvey Oswald was traveling back and forth to Russia. | ||
| He lived in Russia. | ||
| He was married to a Russian woman. | ||
| Like, the fact that this is in the middle of the Cold War. | ||
| They're not investigating this guy. | ||
| They're not... | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I think he was a patsy, bro. | ||
| I think they set him up from A to Z. Somebody was giving him money, letting him know. | ||
| It's interesting, because when... | ||
| Listen, you don't want to base yourself on stupid things, but remember that speech that that dude gave Kevin Costner? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| In JFK. Yes. | ||
| What was the guy's name? | ||
| He's the guy that... | ||
| Donald Sutherland. | ||
| Donald Sutherland. | ||
| The guy from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. | ||
| The guy, that motherfucker, got offered a deal for Animal House. | ||
| He would have been, like, $11 million, he took the $10,000 one payment. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I read that somewhere. | ||
| I still love Donald Sutherland. | ||
| Donald Sutherland was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| But that speech he gave... | ||
| Kiefer Sutherland's dad. | ||
| Kiefer Sutherland's... | ||
| Ow. | ||
| They already had information on it. | ||
| He goes, Dad... | ||
| The guy got shot, and within 10 minutes, they already had a whole background on this guy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And then he showed them the newspapers. | ||
| How could the paper come out in Brussels? | ||
| I don't remember the whole thing. | ||
| But all that made a lot of fucking sense. | ||
| Yeah, newspapers were already reporting stories on him, on him, who he was, what his background was. | ||
| Yeah, I think he was a patsy. | ||
| And a very interesting thing. | ||
| I started, listen, you know when people tell you to watch a show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, I don't want to watch that fucking show. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| But people tell you constantly, watch that show, watch that show. | ||
| I've recently put on a show, I didn't know what to expect, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Un-fucking-real. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Godfather of Harlem. | ||
| Ooh, what's that? | ||
| Not about... | ||
| Haven't done anything. | ||
| Not about what you think. | ||
| It's that dude that played Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the brother that goes after Sean Penn, the big dude, Forrest Whitaker, the fucking great actor. | ||
| Nigel Dodge. | ||
| Is it already on season three? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Prequel to American Gangster. | |
| I think I just... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| This show... | ||
| So it's about that guy that Denzel Washington played. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this show... | ||
| But it's not what you... | ||
| I don't want you to think, oh, Joey showed up here with this... | ||
| This show, first of all, the first season, basically by Muhammad Ali in Harlem. | ||
| How? | ||
| He hooked up with... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| K... Malcolm X... And they already told him, listen, your name is Muhammad Ali, but we're not going to change it until you win the championship, the title, because you'll lose the white sponsors, the white devil, and all this shit. | ||
| He was already with them. | ||
| But not only that story, it talks about civil rights. | ||
| It goes through when they shot Kennedy. | ||
| What they saw, like, in Chicago, how they knew for sure was the mob in the CIA that killed Kennedy. | ||
| They talk about how when Malcolm X was gonna meet... | ||
| I didn't know about this. | ||
| He was gonna do a speech at the United Nations with Che Guevara. | ||
| Malcolm X. Really? | ||
| In 1965. They were going fucking nuts. | ||
| And it all ties in because... | ||
| And they kind of explained in the beginning. | ||
| You have to tie a gangster in with political because then he blows up that pilot. | ||
| Something really interesting. | ||
| You know I'm a fucking moron. | ||
| I can't say this. | ||
| And that's what they try to show you. | ||
| That all these gangsters had something to do with this history. | ||
| The guy who played... | ||
| That fucking dude that blows his head off in Full Metal Jacket. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Vincent D'Onofrio. | ||
| Vincent D'Onofrio. | ||
| He plays Vito Genovese. | ||
| That your fucking head will blow up. | ||
| Something completely different. | ||
| I like how he cast it. | ||
| I like the way he cast it. | ||
| He cast it outside the box. | ||
| Again, like Tony Soprano was casted. | ||
| Vito, the guy that plays Vito. | ||
| He's very political in this. | ||
| And the guy Giancarlo Esposito, who's a fucking G, he plays a congressman. | ||
| And he's always meeting with presidents, but Bumpy's wife works for him. | ||
| So it's very interesting. | ||
| What's it on? | ||
| So it's MGM Plus? | ||
| Hulu, the first two seasons, and MGM Plus, the last season. | ||
|
unidentified
|
MGM Plus? | |
| What is that? | ||
| MGM Plus is like... | ||
| Is that a new one? | ||
| It's like Paramount Plus. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| You know, at the end of the week, you pay for so many. | ||
| But it's an interesting show. | ||
| You know, that's the most interesting show. | ||
| You learn something. | ||
| It's not about shooting and just heroin. | ||
| It's all this little, you know, the Cuban dude, how all he wanted. | ||
| Battle, that dude that we talked about with T.J. English. | ||
| All he wanted, he was selling code just to take Cuba back. | ||
| Like, that guy was... | ||
| Can you imagine you coming to me going, Joey, we're gonna do this, this, this, but the fucking final result of this money is me going back to Palermo to take my grandfather's village back. | ||
| This is what that battle dude was into. | ||
| He just wanted to go back to Cuba. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I don't want no problems. | ||
| I just want to kill Fidel and go back to Cuba. | ||
| So they tried, they get with the CIA and they show how many times they tried to kill Operation Mongoose, the fucking wetsuits, the fucking cigar that explodes. | ||
| All those were failed CIA attacks. | ||
| How many times did they try to kill Castro? | ||
| Watch that documentary 101 times. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Remember when that motherfucker walked on the subway in New York? | ||
| Remember he came to the U.S.? Yeah. | ||
| And he walked on, that's what they show in that. | ||
| He walked on the subway in New York and the guy goes, you got a bulletproof vest and he lowers it and he goes, I got nothing on it. | ||
| 101 Ways to Kill Castro. | ||
| Wasn't that the name of the documentary? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Forrest Whitaker's a fucking great actor, isn't he? | ||
| Forrest Whitaker was in The Color of Money. | ||
| He played the guy that hustled Fast Eddie Felsen. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Remember when he has... | ||
| Is that You Mad? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| 638... | ||
| He hustles him out of all this money, and at the end he goes, Can I ask you a question? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you think I should lose some weight? | |
| The guy was, like, completely broke. | ||
| He shattered him. | ||
| Fast Eddie went in there with a big ego, thinking he was this man, this big-time pool hustler from the 1960s, and Forrest Whitaker plays this guy that's, like, super eccentric, who hustles him out of all his money, and then that's his fuck you at the end. | ||
| Let me ask you a question. | ||
| You think I should lose some weight? | ||
| Forrest Whitaker's played some fucking good roles, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That Idi Amin and that fucking... | ||
| The Last King of Scotland? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He's played a lot. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Ghost Dog. | ||
| Ghost Dog. | ||
| And D'Onofrio. | ||
| Goddamn, that motherfucker. | ||
| That guy has been around. | ||
| That guy can act his ass off. | ||
| Dog, he plays a good... | ||
| And then not like, hey, oh, no. | ||
| He seems like a guy that would be a nightmare to have a political talk with, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, he's... | ||
| Like if you sit in the craft service table and he starts breaking about the Biden administration's new plans for this or that, you'd be like, oh, my God. | ||
| Hey, can I run out here and pee real quick? | ||
| Yeah, go run out here and pee real quick. | ||
| Hold on one second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen. | |
| No worries. | ||
| We got you to pee before we rock the mold. | ||
| No, I saw you went to the bathroom. | ||
| I'm like, I should go. | ||
| I'll hold it. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You got to hold it. | ||
| Those holding days are over with. | ||
| I got to go, Jack. | ||
| I got a bottle in my fucking car. | ||
| You got a bottle you pee in? | ||
| Yeah, the one from surgery, from my knee surgery three years ago. | ||
| I just took it home, left on the back seat. | ||
| That New Jersey turnpike, fuck you. | ||
| I go to the gym at 10. You go to the gym, you're drinking. | ||
| And then I go, let me go up north for something, a meeting or something. | ||
| Dog, I got to pull over like three times. | ||
| I was just pissing that thing out of light. | ||
| I got it down to a science. | ||
| I put the Cuban egg roll in the bottle. | ||
| I piss in it. | ||
| I put it in the drink holder. | ||
| I just drive like a mile. | ||
| Put it in the brakes. | ||
| Oh no, I don't. | ||
| Dog, you know me. | ||
| I pop the door open. | ||
| I dump the little piss. | ||
| I put paper towel in. | ||
| I wipe it out. | ||
| I take it in the back, fill it with water. | ||
| And that keeps me going. | ||
| That turnpike's a motherfucker, dog. | ||
| Yeah, that traffic is insane. | ||
| That turnpike parkway is a motherfucker. | ||
| The traffic in and out of New York City is probably the worst traffic I've ever experienced. | ||
| No. | ||
| That shit that we left in LA had his moments too. | ||
| Yeah, that's bad too. | ||
| When the 10 goes to the 405 at 430, that was the worst. | ||
| There's some ways into the city though where it feels like there's only one way. | ||
| Whereas if you're going down to like Orange County, there's a few different ways. | ||
| You can kind of skirt around it up until you get deep in. | ||
| Once you get near San Diego, you're kind of fucked. | ||
| You're kind of fucked. | ||
| Those are the rough days. | ||
| Driving from L.A. Remember we'd do like the La Jolla Comedy Store? | ||
| We'd have to leave at like 1 p.m. | ||
| You would leave at 1. I would leave at 6. And do 90 on the shoulder the whole way. | ||
| Because if you left at 1, it was still 4 hours. | ||
| So either you had to leave at 6, or you had to leave at like 6 in the morning, or you had to leave at like 6 o'clock at night, which would give you a two-hour window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Barely. | |
| And I was featuring. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And I would fucking make it all the time. | ||
| Tell them to go long, and you get down there. | ||
| Do you remember I used to make it back from San Diego in, I think, like an hour? | ||
| It had to be more than that. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| 117 miles, I think. | ||
| I would leave San Diego, La Jolla at a quarter to twelve. | ||
| And I would make it to my Coke dealer's house by 1 a.m. | ||
| You're going 100 miles an hour, Joey. | ||
| What is the distance between Los Angeles and San Diego? | ||
| 101 miles. | ||
| I think it's more. | ||
| So I would get on the 5. I think it's 110. Okay, I would get on the 5. This is it. | ||
| Get on the 5, do 75. Once you're like five miles away from immigration, where they ask you to stop for fruit, I would kick it to 100. 118. I would kick it to 100, and then once I'd pass the fruit, I'd slow down to the speed limit, and from there to Irvine, I'd do 100. The next thing you knew, it said LA, 29 miles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| I used to fucking, I remember I got stopped a few times. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| And the cops pulled me over, you know how fast you were going, but because I wasn't drinking. | ||
| On Fridays and Saturday nights. | ||
| Were you drinking? | ||
| Not at all, officer. | ||
| I'm better than that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Slow down next time. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I got a coke guy to meet by one o'clock. | ||
| I got shit to do. | ||
| My coke deal would close at one. | ||
| Aren't you glad your coke days were before the fentanyl problem? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jesus Christ, Joey. | ||
| This is why I only do anything I get from who I know. | ||
| I'm to a point now where I just deal with laughing gas. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I eat that mushrooms, I eat anything from them because I know where I'm getting it from. | ||
| I feel a lot safer. | ||
| In LA now, you gotta be really careful with anything you touch. | ||
| Even if it's prescription, you gotta be fucking careful. | ||
| Well, I heard that people were buying testing kits for cocaine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| You kind of have to do that. | ||
| You don't have to do anything. | ||
| Why snort coke? | ||
| You know, snorting coke was always a fucking Russian roulette, right? | ||
| But now it's even more Russian roulette. | ||
| Now you can either die of a fucking heart attack or fentanyl. | ||
| And that goes for everything. | ||
| That's heroin. | ||
| That's prescription pills. | ||
| That's fucking reefer. | ||
| They're putting in edibles in LA. That's everything. | ||
| Didn't somebody just die again from fentanyl? | ||
| Coolio or something? | ||
| Coolio died from fentanyl. | ||
| That's an end. | ||
| So you gotta really... | ||
| You really gotta be careful what you're putting in you now. | ||
| Thank God I wasn't doing any of that shit now. | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Because, yeah, you're gonna die. | ||
| It's very scary. | ||
| They're putting that shit into this country. | ||
| I mean, that's all you read about. | ||
| How much fentanyl is coming in and how many people are dying from that shit. | ||
| Didn't they say now they're giving you Narcan at home? | ||
| You can buy it at CVS or something like that? | ||
| I don't know if that's the case, but I know a lot of people are buying Narcan and sending it to their kids at college. | ||
| It's very scary. | ||
| Scary shit, man, because it's like, this is not something that anybody had to deal with before. | ||
| Like, this level of contamination was something that's so deadly. | ||
| When you get like, I think it was like 100,000 people one year died of overdoses. | ||
| Like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| From fentanyl. | ||
| Tom Petty died from that, too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Prince, Tom Petty. | ||
| Now, what is fentanyl? | ||
| Fentanyl is synthetic opioids. | ||
| It's a very potent synthetic opioid. | ||
| And the amount that can kill you is so small that if you look at a penny, it'd be like a tiny little piece on a penny. | ||
| Like, there's an image that's online, like a famous image of the... | ||
| See if you can find it, Jamie. | ||
| There's an amount of fentanyl that can kill you, and it's next to a penny. | ||
| And you look at it, and you go, holy fuck. | ||
| It's the tiniest amount. | ||
| So it's super, super, super potent. | ||
| So, you know, in medications, it's used, but they know what the dosage is. | ||
| When you're getting it from the cartel, someone's mixing it in a bathtub in Tijuana. | ||
| Like, look at it. | ||
| Look at that amount next to the penny. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| That'll kill you. | ||
| I mean, that's nuts, man. | ||
| It's basically the amount of coke, the amount of fentanyl that's in Lincoln's beard. | ||
| If you take that amount from Lincoln's beard, if you're looking at a penny, that'll kill you. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's a potent fucking drug. | ||
| and the fact that they mix that into everything fucking nuts man scary shit man it's And it's scary how they'll just hand out pain pills to people. | ||
| Nobody just deals with pain. | ||
| Everybody's gotta just be zonked out all day. | ||
| And I gotta tell you something. | ||
| I learned a very valuable lesson from those pills with my last surgery. | ||
| I learned a very valuable lesson. | ||
| The lesson is I learned that I think those fucking Oxycontins promote more pain. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I really fucking do. | ||
| I can tell you this now after the surgery, because when I had the right knee surgery, okay, number one, I got to give it to New Jersey, though. | ||
| New Jersey, listen, I know a pharmacist, and she tells me that she used to work in Staten Island. | ||
| When somebody goes in there for pain pills in Staten Island, they give them $100. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| You know how many they give you in Jersey? | ||
| How much? | ||
| 19. They would give me 19 for the week. | ||
| If you're going to take them for pain every six hours, that don't add up. | ||
| They didn't give you enough from the beginning. | ||
| New Jersey does not fuck around. | ||
| So they're worried about you becoming addicted. | ||
| Yeah, the DEA went into Jersey. | ||
| You can't get none of it. | ||
| And you know I know everybody. | ||
| You can't get shit in Jersey. | ||
| Shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not the way it was in LA. But Staten Island's open... | |
| Yeah, because New York State is different prescription things. | ||
| So when a doctor prescribes you OxyContin in New York or Staten Island or for the five boroughs, they give you like 90 of them. | ||
| You know? | ||
| In New Jersey, they give you 19. Look, I thought the pharmacy was robbing me. | ||
| Like, I would get home and go, where'd all the pills go? | ||
| And I would sit there and I'd take... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| I just got them! | ||
| My wife would give them... | ||
| How the fuck can this... | ||
| They don't give them to you to drive you crazy no more. | ||
| But I had one prescription and then it took me three days to get another one. | ||
| I just suffered. | ||
| And then I took another prescription and by the end of that week... | ||
| The pain had gotten worse. | ||
| And it got to a point one day where it was that bone by my ankle. | ||
| I guess they screwed something in there. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| And I said, you know what? | ||
| I got the prescription. | ||
| I threw them away. | ||
| And the pain went away. | ||
| So I think the pain was promoting The pill was promoting my pain. | ||
| Because once I threw the pain pills away, I'd have no more pain. | ||
| And what was the decision to throw the pain pills away? | ||
| I don't like how they make you feel. | ||
| You know, listen, you go to the dentist. | ||
| I'm happy for two hours. | ||
| They either give you a viking or something. | ||
| I could live off a viking. | ||
| I could dodge a game or smoke a joint. | ||
| I'm good if I want to do that. | ||
| It's when you do those things every day, like when you get a surgery and they give you those things every day, that's when I think it's a problem. | ||
| Because when I took the fat ball out of my That was horrible. | ||
| At the end of that prescription, and I was a full junkie then, I did not feel good, Papa. | ||
| I did not fuckin' feel good. | ||
| It took me a couple weeks, and it wasn't, you know, you do the probiotics, you do all that shit. | ||
| Now let's take it back to the Xanax. | ||
| When I was on the Xanax, it was basically during the pandemic. | ||
| I had 10,000 of those things at the house. | ||
| 10,000? | ||
| Because he was sending me 90 a month from 2012. On automatic monthly. | ||
| How was it taking them? | ||
| They were just going in a closet. | ||
| They were just going in a fucking... | ||
| When did you take it? | ||
| 2012 was when I got it prescribed. | ||
| When I had my little situation at the comedy store that we goofed about. | ||
| That was not good. | ||
| There's no way I should be on a standing walking 10 count. | ||
| That's what that was that night, when I had to follow Morgan Murphy. | ||
| A standing, walking 10 count? | ||
| Doug, I asked Paulie Shaw, I told you this story, and we laughed about it. | ||
| But, Doug, now thinking about it, I should have done something. | ||
| I went to the Comedy Store. | ||
| I'm in the back. | ||
| You weren't there. | ||
| I think you were coming in later. | ||
| Yes, you were coming in later, because on Saturdays, I used to close the original room. | ||
| Talking, bullshitting with Paulie. | ||
| Everybody's in the back. | ||
| No refurb, maybe a joint before I got there. | ||
| You know, Saturday night, just look at the girls. | ||
| I get there. | ||
| They say, Joey, you're up next. | ||
| I walk to the thing, and as I'm walking, I walk up the steps to the original room, and Morgan's on stage, and Paulie's standing there laughing at her. | ||
| And I walk up, and I'm like, damn, I don't fucking feel good. | ||
| Like, this is not working. | ||
| I was starting to get anxiety. | ||
| I couldn't breathe. | ||
| I couldn't breathe. | ||
| But I went to look at that window for years. | ||
| Whenever I had anxiety in the original room, I had a window. | ||
| When I'm on stage, I got a window on the right. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| And we could look out the sunset. | ||
| I was always good. | ||
| That day in particular, when I went in there, I didn't see a fucking window. | ||
| So I was waiting for Morgan to get off. | ||
| And all of a sudden, I got this anxiety joy. | ||
| I couldn't breathe. | ||
| I couldn't fucking breathe. | ||
| So I walked down the stairs just to look at the door. | ||
| And it got worse. | ||
| It got worse. | ||
| I couldn't breathe. | ||
| I thought I was going to fucking have a heart attack. | ||
| And I go, Paulie, I can't get on stage. | ||
| I'm having a horrible anxiety attack. | ||
| He goes, I just went up, dude. | ||
| And I walked up there, and I told you. | ||
| But I didn't explain it to you correctly because I was cracking a joke. | ||
| I woke up at the 12-minute mark. | ||
| I remember walking past Paulie, and that's it, Joe. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And then I remember waking up on stage and people laughing, and I was probably on automatic pilot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I had a bit that it was on automatic pilot. | ||
| That was a little scary. | ||
| So that's when you got on Xanax? | ||
| No. | ||
| It was a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I went to the doctor, and he goes, what was that? | ||
| I kept having these little panic attacks. | ||
| Kept having these little panic attacks, little panic attacks. | ||
| But I was okay. | ||
| I wasn't going to go to a psychiatrist. | ||
| We were working our asses off. | ||
| We didn't know what the fuck was going on. | ||
| So I started taking the Xanax. | ||
| And it would help it a little bit. | ||
| I would take it on the road if I went on a plane or something like that. | ||
| What does it do for you? | ||
| You got to remember, too, it was your walking contradiction. | ||
| I'm talking about myself because you said it best. | ||
| I'm eating 2,000 milligrams of THC and scaring the fuck out of myself, right? | ||
| You're walking around fucking scaring. | ||
| Then the Xanax, I would take the Xanax to calm me down off the anxiety. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That's not gonna work. | ||
| Those edible weed sessions, when you do too many of them, I do think they make people very anxious. | ||
| I think they just shift the pole of your brain. | ||
| You know, I brought some more. | ||
| But now I eat them more to sleep. | ||
| I got them on a... | ||
| My big problem, Joe, is still to this day asleep. | ||
| So now, two nights, three nights a week, I drink a bodybuilder sleeping thing. | ||
| What do you... | ||
| Do you have a hard time sleeping because you're not tired? | ||
| Do you have a hard time sleeping because you're thinking? | ||
| I'm tired... | ||
| Till 9.30. | ||
| And I look, ah, come on, man. | ||
| It's like comedy timing. | ||
| I don't want to go to bed at 9.30. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I never want to go to bed at 8 o'clock. | ||
| That's when you know you're almost done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to bed at 8. Fuck you, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not looking to stay up till 4, but I'm not going to bed at 9.30. | ||
| So I'm tired about 9, but I push the envelope a little bit. | ||
| I like to read, maybe listen to music. | ||
| 11, 11.30. | ||
| I'm like you. | ||
| I like to read shit on the computer. | ||
| 11, 11.30. | ||
| I try to read it, and then I turn the TV off. | ||
| Once I go up there, bro, I'm thinking about the guy who came to my house who asked me if he could take an orange, but he took three instead. | ||
| He took nine. | ||
| He took nine instead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and you're like, that was 11 years ago, Joey. | |
| I think about the time I bombed in the original room following Don Myrera, like, does it matter? | ||
| I think about the time I ate a bucket of dicks in North Carolina in Chapel Hill. | ||
| Does it matter? | ||
| Does it really matter that you ate a bag of dicks? | ||
| You know, I think of stupid shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I fall asleep eventually. | ||
| I'll tell you what helped. | ||
| Whoop. | ||
| I got the Whoop Watch to help me with recovery because I was lifting and going into jiu-jitsu and my back would hurt. | ||
| So I want to figure out what kind of calories I could do and I won't go over those. | ||
| If I could do those five days a week, that's fine. | ||
| But I can't go in there, burn 800 fucking calories in jiu-jitsu and expect a deadlift the next day. | ||
| I don't have that. | ||
| So I got the Whoop Watch. | ||
| The Whoop Watch put me on to sleep. | ||
| It's helped me sleep better because I finally realized, oh, you slept four hours last night. | ||
| No wonder you feel like shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So now I'm in contest with Whoop. | ||
| So I got it up from four and a half hours of sleep to eight hours pretty much. | ||
| Last night I only slept like five because of the flight. | ||
| But I'm sleeping eight hours now. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now I'm sleeping 11.30 to 8. Don't get me wrong. | ||
| Once every two weeks, I have a little hiccup. | ||
| I go upstairs. | ||
| I think of something. | ||
| I go back down. | ||
| I smoke some pot. | ||
| I read, and I go back up, and I'm all right. | ||
| But when I was doing comedy, there was no sleep, Joe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you want me to tell you why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Eight cups of espresso a day. | ||
| You know, everybody thought I would leave the store because I was going to do something bad. | ||
| Do you know why I was leaving the store before midnight? | ||
| Think. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because Starbucks is open till midnight in Studio City. | ||
| And God forbid I didn't catch my flat white before midnight. | ||
| God forbid I didn't catch my grande flat white before midnight. | ||
| And then I'll call you tomorrow and tell you how I didn't sleep last night. | ||
| So you would drink coffee later? | ||
| We would always have espresso after dinner. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Now I have an espresso at 5 and I'm not sleeping. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| I could sleep right after having one. | ||
| Oh, I loved it. | ||
| Because in my world, it takes you up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you catch it on the way down. | ||
| I eat a chocolate something, I can't fucking sleep that night now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I really focused on my sleep the last couple years, you know, especially since I got this whoop about 16, 17 months ago. | ||
| That's what's really improved in my life, is the sleep. | ||
| And I've been taking naps, too. | ||
| If I go to jiu-jitsu, I do the blue belt class, I need a nap jack. | ||
| I need a little nap from five to six, you know? | ||
| That's where I am. | ||
| But when I started popping the Xanax, the high point was maybe May of during the pandemic. | ||
| Like, I couldn't leave the house without popping the Xanax, and then when I get in the car, I pop another one. | ||
| And it would stay in your system. | ||
| Thank God I wasn't drinking. | ||
| And what was that doing for you, though? | ||
| What's the feeling like? | ||
| Calming me down. | ||
| I can't take sleeping pills, and I can't take the strong Xanax, so I have to take the little footballs. | ||
| But I was taking eight to ten of those motherfuckers a day. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And then when I landed in Jersey, what had happened was, you know how you and Tom had that conversation about my tolerance? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That tolerance, dog, I think, as you can tell, I think a lot about this shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had a conversation with me a couple years ago about your Romero getting punched in the face in his eye socket. | ||
| And when he got into the green room, when the doctor saw him after the fight, his eye socket was healed. | ||
| It was healing. | ||
| Healing, okay. | ||
| I think about what you were talking about my tolerance with the edibles and stuff. | ||
| Now let's get back to early Joe Diaz. | ||
| When I was a child, the doctor would have to come to my house two days in a row for years. | ||
| They'd have to shoot me with penicillin on Monday and then come back on Tuesday and shoot me again because I would never take the penicillin. | ||
| You know, I had a lot of problems with my throat as a kid and whatever, fucking tonsils and shit. | ||
| So I was always in the hospital as a kid. | ||
| I was a sickly kid until I was about eight. | ||
| All those years, Joe, they would always have to shoot me two or three times with penicillin. | ||
| The same penicillin they would give you one shot of. | ||
| They'd have to shoot me. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| So you've always had a high tolerance. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Except for alcohol. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| And even alcohol. | ||
| Because I could drink something with Jamie right now and I won't fall over. | ||
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| But that's what's always pissed me off about alcohol. | ||
| That I could drink a few alcohol shots, feel okay, but then if I push the envelope, that's when I feel shitty. | ||
| But my tolerance with alcohol and with cocaine and alcohol, shit. | ||
| I could drink a case of Budweiser, you know, cans. | ||
| So... | ||
| My friend Johnny, you had a Coke problem. | ||
| I always used to have to take him to the corner store, the liquor store, to get 40 ounces. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would calm himself down with like a big malt liquor. | ||
| He was always trying to like... | ||
| 22 beers. | ||
| 22 beers. | ||
| And it would calm you down. | ||
| So when the Xanax finally... | ||
| But I realized when I got the jersey that, yeah, I got the jersey August 9th or something on your birth, August something. | ||
| Two days after I got the jersey, I had something like a weird, mild heart attack. | ||
| My heart didn't stop pounding. | ||
| And that was because the Xanax turned on me. | ||
| I didn't realize that until I went to the knee surgery. | ||
| And one of the assistants caught it because I couldn't sleep. | ||
| And they tried to give me something to sleep. | ||
| And the chick goes, you're a... | ||
| Withdrawing. | ||
| Oh, from Benzo's. | ||
| She goes, you're withdrawing, naturally. | ||
| That's why your heartbeat's going up. | ||
| That's why you're fucked up. | ||
| That's very dangerous. | ||
| So then she told me, you have to flip it. | ||
| So I had to read a... | ||
| A journal about transitioning. | ||
| You just can't quit. | ||
| You can't quit alcohol, and you can't quit benzos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could die. | ||
| So what I had to do was take whatever I was eating, which was eight of those things a day, and work myself backwards. | ||
| How long did it take you? | ||
| Six months. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Worked myself backwards. | ||
| Jordan Peterson was fucked up for a year. | ||
| Dog. | ||
| It fucks with your central nervous system. | ||
| You don't have no idea what life is till your central nervous system is fucked with. | ||
| Forget cocaine. | ||
| Forget all that shit. | ||
| And you know I've done it all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How's it fuck with you? | ||
| Your heart constantly beats. | ||
| I'm talking constantly. | ||
| You could be watching TV and you could see it. | ||
| Do you know how scary that is? | ||
| You could fucking see it. | ||
| So your body's just freaking out that it doesn't have it in the system. | ||
| Freaking out. | ||
| I had to go on comm support. | ||
| I had to fucking change my diet. | ||
| So even the six months slowly transitioning off, even that was rough? | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Really? | ||
| Because I had to break them into two parts, the Xanax. | ||
| So I would get up in the morning, eat breakfast, workout, and then pop a Xanax. | ||
| And then go the whole day, I'm gonna tell you why I did six months. | ||
| I would go the whole day without a Xanax and then pop one at night and deal with it just to help me go to sleep. | ||
| But that whole time, I would go to the pool every day. | ||
| I would put my feet in the grass and try to, you know, just get me back because it was central nervous system shit. | ||
| A lot of tea, a lot of... | ||
| So you just felt off? | ||
| Oh, you feel awful. | ||
| Awful. | ||
| Was it fucking with your comedy? | ||
| I wasn't doing comedy. | ||
| The pandemic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| I was just getting back into it. | ||
| It was just starting to open up. | ||
| I went and did a parking lot. | ||
| It was outdoor comedy. | ||
| Rich Voss told me to go fucking do a parking lot. | ||
| Me, him, and Jimmy. | ||
| Oh my god, there were fucking bats. | ||
| It was like in a mall outside of Jersey. | ||
| There's a little stage, and you can see the bats flapping behind the comics and shit. | ||
| And I told Rich the next way, Rich, what's with all those bats? | ||
| He goes, fuck that. | ||
| I did a gig last week. | ||
| There was a bear behind us. | ||
| He goes, I jumped right off the fucking stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| In those places in northern Jersey. | ||
| Jersey's got a lot of bears. | ||
| Everybody's doing those outdoor shows. | ||
| So when I was going through all this, I used to just sit on my bed. | ||
| On my hands and look straight. | ||
| That's all I could do all day. | ||
| You couldn't really keep a conversation. | ||
| I remember Ari came down once. | ||
| I couldn't wait for him to fucking leave. | ||
| That's normal though, right? | ||
| No! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's my brother. | |
| That's my brother. | ||
| I was happy. | ||
| He brought the dog and the girlfriend. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I took him for Chinese food. | ||
| It was great, but I couldn't wait. | ||
| I couldn't keep eye contact. | ||
| I couldn't fucking do much. | ||
| And I always noticed that after I took the pill, that feeling would start again. | ||
| So when I went to the gym in the morning and did all that shit, I was fine. | ||
| Once I took that Xanax, I felt like shit. | ||
| And once I took that nighttime Xanax, I felt like shit. | ||
| And I cut down... | ||
| What's that called? | ||
| When you cut back? | ||
| You trim a little... | ||
| What was that called? | ||
| Regression? | ||
| Regression doses? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What would it be called? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| You have to cut off. | ||
| You have to shave. | ||
| I know what it is. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| You have to shave the pill a little bit. | ||
| And that's what I did. | ||
| And then I realized one day... | ||
| Tapering. | ||
| Tapering. | ||
| I got myself a... | ||
| I got myself a... | ||
| What's the doctor under the doctor? | ||
| A nurse? | ||
| No, a doctor. | ||
| They call them something. | ||
| They can give you prescriptions, but they're not really a doctor. | ||
| I signed up with one of those, and she put me on this plan, like just what to eat and do all that stuff. | ||
| And one day I called, and I said, listen, man, I got a funny feeling that every time I take these pills, it makes me feel worse. | ||
| And she goes, why? | ||
| I go, because when I go to the gym, I'm feeling great. | ||
| I go in there. | ||
| I'm talking with people. | ||
| I'm feeling great. | ||
| And she goes, what are you saying? | ||
| I go, I'm going to stop taking them. | ||
| Because I take clonidine already for blood pressure, and that stops strokes. | ||
| So I go, I'm just going to stop doing it. | ||
| And I stopped. | ||
| I never took Xanax again. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| But I'll, dog, I will never, the withdrawal, the withdrawal, the withdrawal was horrible, Joe. | ||
| I won't wish it on anybody. | ||
| Well, that's what Jordan was saying. | ||
| He had no idea how bad it was when he got it. | ||
| You have no idea? | ||
| Listen, if I was buying this shit on the street from some kind named fucking Pedro or something, then I would have a problem. | ||
| When your doctor gives it to you, you think it's normal. | ||
| I did the studying. | ||
| Xanax is only prescribed for two weeks. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's for short periods of time until they figure out what to give you. | ||
| Whether they give you whatever the fuck they gotta give you. | ||
| How long does it take before your body gets addicted? | ||
| I don't know, Joe. | ||
| I was living through hell. | ||
| There's so many of these creepy medications out there, Joey, that people are just taking. | ||
| You know, there's some medications that people kill themselves. | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if it's even real. | ||
| I don't know if it's true. | ||
| Well, there's definitely medications for the side effects of suicidal thoughts. | ||
| I just didn't want to feel like this ever again. | ||
| And, you know, I stopped drinking. | ||
| Like, I never really drank, but when I moved to Jersey, I was drinking sangrias when I went out. | ||
| And one night I thought I was bad Joe Rogan and I got an Italian Old Fashioned. | ||
| Oh my God, Joe. | ||
| That set me back fucking... | ||
| That was it. | ||
| I was done with alcohol after that. | ||
| Alcohol's a dangerous one. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's a little poison. | ||
| A little poison every time, but it's fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, I always feel bad that I don't drink. | |
| Well, I feel horrible that I don't drink. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I wish I could be sociable and have a red wine, Joe. | ||
| I wish I'd go to dinner with you. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Joe, I grew up in the 70s. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Where you walk into somebody's house and people just gave you a drink. | ||
| Hi, Joe, do you want bourbon? | ||
| Would you like a drink? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In the 70s, they didn't have it. | ||
| They took two cubes. | ||
| How cool were those tables? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like Sinatra. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dean, what's his name? | ||
| Do you know when you do the Tonight Show, they would have a cart? | ||
| They would pull a fucking bar cart into your green room? | ||
| Into your dressing room. | ||
| Would you like a drink? | ||
| When I did the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, he gets you booze before you go out there. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, he wants everybody to be laughing. | ||
| Have a good time. | ||
| What's a joint all fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Relaxed. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| Do you see what laughing gas is? | ||
| I'm sure Mar probably smokes before. | ||
| Well, he definitely smokes on his podcast. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Jesus Christ, Joey. | ||
| What do you got there? | ||
| I'm so terrified of that bag. | ||
| Bring it to the green room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, keep it in there. | |
| And you got your own bag with the Joe Rogan experience on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| A beautiful leather bag. | ||
| I got you some fucking... | ||
| I'm so excited to show you this club. | ||
| Bro, I've heard fucking... | ||
| I have people that are non-comics hitting me up. | ||
| Non-comics! | ||
| This is just a lot of noise on the microphones. | ||
| I know, I'm trying to figure out what to get to smoke next, bro. | ||
| Look at this, I got bags everywhere. | ||
| Come on, we're good. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Here. | ||
| Here. | ||
| We got a fucking chocolate mushroom bar. | ||
| Laughing guy's got it all, Uncle Papa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're gonna open up an AC. They've got to fix the laws in Texas. | |
| Basically, marijuana is decriminalized in the city of Austin, but the fucking law is dumb. | ||
| And these people don't realize it's dumb because they've got it connected to leftists and hippies. | ||
| It's about freedom. | ||
| There's a lot of ranchers and farmers that like to smoke weed. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Weed's great. | ||
| It makes you love your children more, makes you stare at the stars, makes food taste better, makes sex feel better. | ||
| You fucking idiots that are making it illegal are ruining the world. | ||
| And they say that it's gonna ruin people, yeah. | ||
| It's gonna ruin people, just like cheeseburgers are gonna ruin people, and gambling is gonna ruin people, and alcohol is gonna ruin people. | ||
| All those things that are legal and should be legal. | ||
| Because you gotta give people the opportunity to fuck up their own life. | ||
| Work on counseling, she'd give people advice, she'd give people some sort of resources where they could get out of any sort of hole they're in, whatever addiction they might have, but you gotta leave people the fuck alone. | ||
| That's what this country's founded on. | ||
| This country's founded on freedom. | ||
| And if you don't have the freedom to choose what you put in your own body, especially when we're talking about something that is Beneficial, medically, psychologically, physically, not physically addictive, doesn't kill anyone. | ||
| The only way you die from it, you literally have to do something stupid because you're high. | ||
| If I haven't died from it, ain't nobody gonna die from marijuana. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Knock it the fuck off. | ||
| The only time you die is a fucking brick of marijuana falls out of the sky and hits you in the head. | ||
| But, we're still dealing with a bunch of goofy laws. | ||
| And I think they keep these laws goofy on purpose. | ||
| They keep the culture war going because it's an easy distraction from other things. | ||
| The more... | ||
| No, Texas doesn't gamble either, right? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| You don't gamble either, right, Jamie? | ||
| There's some gambling here, right? | ||
| They're like poker rooms. | ||
| Okay, but not like... | ||
| Not a casino. | ||
| Casinos are magnets for sick people. | ||
| You know, when you go to those casinos in Lake Connecticut, they're like, Jesus Christ, there's so many people that are just sick. | ||
| A lot of people having a good time, just out on a date. | ||
| Let's go to the casino, play a couple of hands of blackjack. | ||
| Seems like a good time. | ||
| But there's a lot of just sick fucking gambling junkies in there. | ||
| Just lost. | ||
| When you see them and they have their wheelchairs and they got the oxygen mask and they're smoking a cigarette in the casino, you're like, wow. | ||
| You see a lot of those. | ||
| But different strokes with different folks. | ||
| Hey, you gotta let people do that if that's what they want to do. | ||
| How about the chick last week that was winning so much money she just started pissing at the casino. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| That girl just pissed on the fucking seat. | ||
| Pissed on the fucking floor. | ||
| While she was playing slot machines. | ||
| Bro, she ain't losing the chair. | ||
| She didn't even move. | ||
| She was on the phone. | ||
| She didn't dry her monkey either. | ||
| What a crazy bitch. | ||
| That's disgusting. | ||
| That's a crazy bitch. | ||
| I don't mind if you pee. | ||
| Even me, when I pee in the bottle, I have a little tissue to dry the helmet off. | ||
| Maybe she was on Xanax. | ||
| Yeah, this is her. | ||
| She seems kind of hot, too. | ||
| She looks hot from the side. | ||
| And just pissing. | ||
| So ridiculous. | ||
| The lady's wild. | ||
| It's crazy, though. | ||
| Imagine that you... | ||
| It's not uncommon. | ||
| Not that uncommon. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Scroll up. | ||
| Scroll, scroll. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Regardless of the video's legitimacy, urinating on Casino Florence isn't as uncommon as one might think. | ||
| Oh, many people probably did it. | ||
| Oh, they had adult diapers. | ||
| This guy said that Arnie Wexler, a recovered problem gambler who operated a New Jersey-based gambling hotline and counseling service at the time, told the Louisville Courier Journal that many heavy gamblers don adult diapers to avoid having to leave a slot machine or gaming table. | ||
| If they don't come prepared, he said, they just pee in the seat. | ||
| Oh my god, you dirty fucks. | ||
| Imagine walking into a casino, you just smell piss. | ||
| You just know so many people have been pissing on the floor, you can smell it. | ||
| I don't know if I'm ready for diapers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I don't know, dog. | ||
| If you pee in your pants, you gotta leave that shit on? | ||
| What would you rather have, diapers or be paralyzed? | ||
| I'll take diapers. | ||
| You gotta just deal with it. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You can only control what you can control. | ||
| You're going to tell me you're going to shit in a diaper and sit in it for two hours? | ||
| I don't think the shit thing is as big of an issue. | ||
| I think mostly it's a piss thing. | ||
| Incontinence. | ||
| You might be shitting your pants a little bit, too. | ||
| Depends on your digestive system and your diet. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| Some people have gastrointestinal problems. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| There's a lot of problems out there in the world, though. | ||
| Little babies die of leukemia. | ||
| A lot of problems. | ||
| We're lucky as shit. | ||
| We're alive and kicking in 2023, one of the most interesting times to be alive. | ||
| And you and I grew up in a time where there was no internet. | ||
| We got to experience this whole wave of change over the world. | ||
| The erosion of faith in politicians and media is at an all-time high. | ||
| People are... | ||
| Just started to wake up to how fucking insane this world is organized and run. | ||
| And we're starting to realize that, hey, you know, this is almost over for whoever is listening to this. | ||
| If you're listening to this and you're in your 40s, you're halfway there, kid. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| If you're listening in your 20s, if nothing terrible happens to you, you don't accidentally overdose on fentanyl, you got a solid 60 years left if everything goes great. | ||
| If you're taking care of yourself, maybe you'll make it to 90. Maybe. | ||
| So I'm 55. So how much time do I have left? | ||
| I'm pretty robust. | ||
| 20. I work out a lot. | ||
| 20. 20 years? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I was hoping for like 100. After that, what do you want? | ||
| I think I'd get even better. | ||
| I think I'd get even better at anything. | ||
| I think if you could stay alive for longer, you'd make less mistakes, you'd understand yourself more. | ||
| They'd be like a value that you could give to other people if you have energy. | ||
| Like, people can learn things from other people that have already experienced life. | ||
| That's why we love hearing stories and hearing wise people talk about things. | ||
| The more I experience life, the more I understand me and other people, and the more I talk to people, the more I understand people, the better I get at it, the better I get at life. | ||
| I really, really, really believe that. | ||
| And I think everybody does, sort of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody does. | |
| I feel the same way. | ||
| Everybody does in their heart of hearts. | ||
| I feel the same way. | ||
| As long as you don't give up. | ||
| As long as you don't give up. | ||
| As long as you don't get cynical. | ||
| As long as you don't get hateful. | ||
| If you could just stay positive and stay around loving people and be a good person and be someone that people like to be around. | ||
| You can get better all the time. | ||
| You keep getting better at being a human. | ||
| You get better at podcasting. | ||
| You get better at stand-up. | ||
| You get better at everything. | ||
| You once told me something really interesting. | ||
| You said that your biggest fear was turning old. | ||
| You wanted to be in good shape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And my biggest fear all these years, honest to God, was not dying or anything. | ||
| It was not being... | ||
| I hate to say this to you, and you're going to understand what I'm saying right off the bat. | ||
| People at home might not. | ||
| I didn't want to become one of the comics at the store when we got there. | ||
| I know what you mean. | ||
| I'd rather shoot myself. | ||
| I didn't want to call you when I was 60 and go, dog, I'm taking this cruise. | ||
| I need to come on the podcast to change my life, as we both heard from people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did not want to be one of those guys, and that is what I'm proudest of the most. | ||
| I'm proud that... | ||
| I put a book together. | ||
| I'm very proud that I found alternatives that I have to keep bothering people at clubs to put me on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, well, Joe Rogan sucks. | ||
| Mitchie Shaw never gave me the love I needed. | ||
| I blew off Kennison. | ||
| I don't want to hear that shit. | ||
| Yeah, but those guys, they're always going to exist. | ||
| You know, they're a lesson for you. | ||
| This is a path that you could go down. | ||
| You see that path and you know it's negative. | ||
| Where we got very lucky, Joey, is that we both experienced, like, you did movies, The Longest Yard, we did a bunch of stuff. | ||
| We did a bunch of stuff, but then the internet came along right when we were, like, fully developed, like, real comics. | ||
| We were real headliners. | ||
| And then when everybody transitioned into podcasting, and everybody transitioned into like, YouTube became like the best platform for putting out a comedy special. | ||
| And we all learned who's the great comics from listening to each other. | ||
| You know, people would talk about, have you seen Shane Gillis, holy shit, Mark Norman, oh my god, that guy's funny. | ||
| And then everybody here, and it becomes this organic network. | ||
| But it all happened, we got so fortunate that we caught that wave every step of the way at the right time. | ||
| We wrote every wave in, every step of the way. | ||
| Take the mainstream stuff to use it to transition into putting your stuff online. | ||
| You realize online is the real mainstream. | ||
| Everybody's addicted to their goddamn phone. | ||
| Everybody's on social media. | ||
| Everybody's watching YouTube. | ||
| Everybody's listening to podcasts. | ||
| We caught that wave every step of the way. | ||
| And that's the same thing with this club. | ||
| Joey, I was not going to open up a fucking club. | ||
| What did I always tell you guys? | ||
| I said, be nice to club owners. | ||
| You don't want to be one of them. | ||
| We need those freaks. | ||
| We need these crazy people that are willing to deal with stand-up comedians every week and hoping that they don't have a fucking overdose after the Friday night show and hoping that they show up for radio at 6 o'clock in the morning to promote the gig. | ||
| Those people are crazy. | ||
| We know them. | ||
| We are them. | ||
| We're all crazy. | ||
| Anybody who wants to do stand-up comedy is out of their fucking mind. | ||
| You don't want to be a club owner. | ||
| So I was always like, be nice to those people. | ||
| I want them to be my friends. | ||
| These are people I work with. | ||
| I want to look forward to seeing them and hugging them. | ||
| I don't want to think, this guy's fucking me out of money, and my bonuses are short, and all that. | ||
| I don't want to be involved in any of that. | ||
| I just want to give everybody a hug, say hi to the waitstaff, what's up, what's up? | ||
| I want it to be nice, positive experience. | ||
| You don't want to be a fucking club owner. | ||
| Now I'm a club owner. | ||
| It came about during the pandemic. | ||
| It was this wild series of opportunities. | ||
| First of all, COVID, me looking at all the chaos in LA going, this ain't getting better. | ||
| We're getting the fuck out. | ||
| I had liberal friends calling to borrow guns. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| No, you can't borrow a gun. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| There's lines around the gun stores. | ||
| You remember the lines at the gun stores? | ||
| Joey, I was driving through, I think it was Burbank. | ||
| Burbank. | ||
| There was a line. | ||
| Both of them. | ||
| A line. | ||
| Alberto Crane School. | ||
| For people looking to buy guns. | ||
| They didn't have enough guns to sell people. | ||
| So I was like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. | ||
| And when I got to LA, or got to Austin rather, I was like, shit, I need a club. | ||
| There's no clubs here. | ||
| We were working out the Vulcan, which was nice, but it wasn't set up as a community. | ||
| It wasn't set up that was like, where we could all be together and hang like we did at the store. | ||
| I was like, Jesus, that's so important for the culture of stand-up. | ||
| It's so important for the comics to have a sense of community. | ||
| And so I was like, all right, I gotta open up a fucking club. | ||
| And at the same time, everybody had been fired from the Comedy Store. | ||
| The Comedy Store was shut down. | ||
| Everybody was unemployed. | ||
| So I got all the best people from the store to come here. | ||
| When I got Curtis and Adam and Eric and Jody and Jesus Christ and Carrie Mitchell to run the bar, I was like, holy shit, man. | ||
| It was like, this is the dream team. | ||
| And imagine how many people were ready to leave. | ||
| Bro, and Adam Egott, that guy's the fucking man. | ||
| Everybody was ready to leave. | ||
| They come here, and it's so beautiful, and people are so nice. | ||
| And it all, like, every step of the way, it's like I rode this wave perfect. | ||
| This building that I got, they didn't even want to sell the building. | ||
| One family has owned it for a hundred years. | ||
| They didn't want to sell it, but they decided, they offered me a price, I didn't even negotiate, they said, I'll take it. | ||
| And they were just happy that it was going to stay a live entertainment venue. | ||
| They were worried it would maybe become a hotel or something, or a restaurant. | ||
| They wanted it to be a live entertainment venue like it always was. | ||
| I want you to go back to what you were talking about in L.A. with your liberal friends asking you. | ||
| That's a good topic you brought up because I always feel that the beginning of my downfall with the fear just wasn't the pandemic. | ||
| I'm not scared to fucking die from a fucking cold. | ||
| It wasn't the pandemic, but the pandemic was fucking with me. | ||
| The thing that fucked with me the most was what my neighborhood had become. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And not from you telling me. | ||
| You know how people tell you shit? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| What I saw. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And once I see something, that's it. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what anybody tells me. | ||
| I saw a guy get hit by a 4x4. | ||
| At the bus station in North Hollywood. | ||
| We drove by thousands of times. | ||
| I saw a guy hitting people with a 4x4, not a 2x4. | ||
| Who leaves the house with a 4x4? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I saw a fucking CVS, Studio City. | ||
| I saw a white guy and an African-American hooker fighting at CVS at 10 in the morning in Studio City. | ||
| I've been going to that fucking thing for five years, that CVS. That's why I got all my prescriptions and shit. | ||
| I saw like three or four things. | ||
| Then I had the glass door in my house. | ||
| So I kept feeling that they were going to kick the front door in. | ||
| So I went right to the Armenian. | ||
| And I'm like, dog, I need a gun. | ||
| We ain't got time to stand in line in Burbank. | ||
| And he brought me like a fucking.45 with a bazooka and shit. | ||
| And I gave him like two grand. | ||
| I go, don't come back without a gun. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This motherfucker came back three days later with like a fucking AR-15 in a suitcase with a violin. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| So now one thing I don't like, I do not like weapons. | ||
| I'll shoot you. | ||
| But I don't want to have a weapon. | ||
| I can't have a weapon. | ||
| You don't want to want to have a weapon, right? | ||
| You don't want to feel that you need to have a weapon, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I don't ever want to feel like I have a weapon. | ||
| I messed around with weapons for years. | ||
| You know, I got in trouble with a weapon. | ||
| And I always said that when I put weapons on, I met more people that had weapons on. | ||
| Do you follow what I'm saying to you? | ||
| When I was a civilian, hugging people, I never felt a weapon. | ||
| But when I put a weapon on in 86, for three years after I got arrested, most people I dealt with had a weapon, so I considered it a magnet. | ||
| For me, in my mind, it felt like a magnet of fucking bad shit. | ||
| Those two guns I had in the house, that didn't feel right with me. | ||
| You weren't gonna bust into my house and hurt my daughter or my wife. | ||
| But having those two weapons in the house did not feel good with me. | ||
| California has very creepy laws when it comes to that, too. | ||
| I didn't give a fuck about the laws. | ||
| Get rid of that gun before the cops even get there. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| I had 10 neighbors that were cool as shit. | ||
| I got an OJ. Where'd OJ's shit go to? | ||
| You got neighbors. | ||
| You got neighbors. | ||
| I killed the bitch, hide the fucking shirt. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I just didn't like it. | ||
| I didn't like having that weapon. | ||
| I didn't like having a.45 in my car. | ||
| And then on the day I flew back here, I'll never forget that I had that. | ||
| I gave them back the AR, and I had the.45. | ||
| And the people called me, and they're like, are you bringing a weapon with you on the plane? | ||
| Because I flew on a private plane. | ||
| During COVID, I had the cats and shit, you know? | ||
| So I go, yeah, I'm going to bring the gun with me. | ||
| And that night, I said, no. | ||
| And I gave it to Brett. | ||
| I called him next month, I go, come pick up this fucking 45 from me. | ||
| He still has it. | ||
| He's holding it for me. | ||
| I don't want it. | ||
| That's how... | ||
| I didn't like that fear. | ||
| When I saw Latin Kings spray paint on my daughter's school, Koufax Elementary, same school, Bert sent his kids, that wasn't good. | ||
| I just saw a lot of shit up there that I would never saw in the valley. | ||
| You see it in Hollywood, you know, shit like that. | ||
| So that's good that you brought that up because I forgot how scary it was. | ||
| It was scary for a few weeks. | ||
| It got very strange because it got different. | ||
| It felt like everybody was more on edge. | ||
| I saw a bunch of lootings. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Someone broke into this clothes store. | ||
| They smashed the windows and ran into it. | ||
| And we were by this Target. | ||
| And these people had blocked the door of the Target with a dumpster and lit the dumpster on fire. | ||
| And they were telling everybody to get out of the building, put down whatever you're purchasing, run out of the exit right now. | ||
| It got real weird with all that Antifa stuff. | ||
| It got very strange. | ||
| People were emboldened to do things. | ||
| And after the George Floyd death, when it was the riots and they lit the cop cars on fire, there was this real feeling, this real fuck the police, we're gonna do whatever the fuck we want and no one's gonna stop it. | ||
| And the police seemed hesitant to do things too. | ||
| And that was when I was like, check please. | ||
| I was like, this is not the place. | ||
| You've got to recognize when things are changing and when they're not going to get better because there's no resources in place. | ||
| There's no leadership in place. | ||
| If you're defunding the police, that is a totally wrong approach to deal with an excess of crime. | ||
| What you need is better funding and you need better training and better people as police officers and better respect for police officers. | ||
| You need to have an understanding that they're very, very necessary. | ||
| And one of the things that people found is that as soon as crime starts fucking scaling up, in every city people are calling for the cops. | ||
| Even politicians in San Francisco that were actively, like, saying we should defund the police. | ||
| They were tweeting we should defund the police. | ||
| Then crime starts kicking up, they're like, we can't even get the cops to come out. | ||
| Like, why do you think that is? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Maybe it's because you defunded them. | ||
| I mean, are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| Like, do you think that somehow or another having less police equals less crime? | ||
| Like, that's the dumbest scenario. | ||
| Like, how would you think everybody's going to get kumbaya on you? | ||
| No, you're just going to embolden criminals and you're going to terrify people. | ||
| And then things are going to scale worse and worse. | ||
| And if you keep doing the same thing to try to fix it, it's never going to get better. | ||
| And that's what you're seeing in Portland. | ||
| That's what you see in San Francisco. | ||
| It just keeps getting worse, and it's chaotic. | ||
| You ever go to a fucking club, like a club, and they're playing disco music, and all of a sudden some fat fuck like me yells, put on Skynyrd! | ||
| And nobody listens. | ||
| People are like, look at that idiot. | ||
| When I heard the term, debunk the police, that's what it felt like. | ||
| Defund the police, yeah. | ||
| Defund the police, put on Skynyrd. | ||
| Until people started saying, that's a great idea. | ||
| And you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| And that's what was going on. | ||
| Too many people were yelling, put on Skynyrd with different ideas at that point. | ||
| And you're like, what do you mean? | ||
| Dog, listen, let's get something straight. | ||
| You're going to hear this from me one fucking time. | ||
| I was born a nice kid. | ||
| Somewhere along the line, I lost my fucking way. | ||
| Somewhere along the line, when you suffer a traumatic experience when you're a young man, you stay stuck for a few years. | ||
| Or a young woman, you stay stuck. | ||
| That's why women become, you know, they become, what is that word? | ||
| Prostitutes? | ||
| No. | ||
| When you like to fuck, the prostitutes, whatever that fucking word is. | ||
| Nymphomaniacs? | ||
| No, that's not the word. | ||
| Promiscuous? | ||
| Promiscuous. | ||
| You know, when you suffer a dad or a mom or a grandmother you were tight with, You get stalled for a couple of years. | ||
| I'm not making excuses. | ||
| These are all proven things. | ||
| You got to read this shit. | ||
| You just don't grow until the reality comes to you of what happened. | ||
| You're still in shock when your mom dies or your father dies. | ||
| And somewhere along the line, I went off the rails. | ||
| And I'm sorry for that. | ||
| I never disrespected a cop, Joe. | ||
| In all the stories I tell you, you never hear any disrespect of a police officer. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Well, you knew cops. | ||
| But that's part of it too. | ||
| You know who raised me when I was a young kid? | ||
| P.A.L. P.A.L. Believe that's Ledif League on 88th Street in Amsterdam. | ||
| I grew up in there. | ||
| That's where I learned how to shoot pool. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's where I learned how to shoot guns. | ||
| They took you to the 25th precinct, and you shot at targets. | ||
| They took you to the park. | ||
| I was a big PAO guy. | ||
| Then I moved to Jersey. | ||
| Fucking baddest PAO boxing coach, Cuban coach, Mr. Gamio. | ||
| I never traded with him. | ||
| He didn't like me. | ||
| But I knew his sons and his kids, you know. | ||
| But PAO, Mr. Marino, that dude used to drive us everywhere. | ||
| Again, he didn't like me too much. | ||
| Why did he like you? | ||
| Because I was like, you know, something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Once I got to Jersey, I hung out with a rough crew or something. | ||
| At that age, they didn't like me in bitty basketball, so I didn't play in Union City. | ||
| But I always had respect to the PAL. And all those years, I always knew they had a job to do. | ||
| And I was trying to be a criminal. | ||
| I can't take it out on them. | ||
| You never heard me say bad shit about cops. | ||
| In fact, in 60 years, the only cop I've had a problem with is one of the guys that arrested me in Boulder. | ||
| In fact, the other dude, I just wished him a happy birthday. | ||
| James Kohler. | ||
| It was his birthday on Wednesday. | ||
| Or Tuesday on Facebook. | ||
| I follow with friends on Facebook. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| So that was the only cop. | ||
| So for a guy like me to only have problem with one real cop in all those years, gotta tell you something. | ||
| So when I heard that debunk the fucking cops. | ||
| Defund. | ||
| Defund. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so ridiculous. | |
| You're the same motherfuckers that are gonna be crying for the same cops to come to your house in five years. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| And then they were talking about having people come over to your house and just talking to you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like during, you know, two safety officers. | ||
| And now this shit that they're doing with bails, it's crazy. | ||
| It's almost like they want everything to fall apart. | ||
| This is like something that you hear, yeah, we're going to have bail reform. | ||
| You're like, okay, yeah, I'll put on skin again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bail reform. | ||
| So what you're telling me is right now they have a huge problem in New Jersey with stolen cars. | ||
| And these motherfuckers got it down to a science. | ||
| They're stealing them, and they take them right to the port in Newark. | ||
| There's no more middlemen. | ||
| You know, in L.A., they got the Armenians chopping up cars? | ||
| No. | ||
| They just take them right to the port. | ||
| You could see it on the GPS of your car. | ||
| They take them right to Newark. | ||
| They're waiting for the car. | ||
| They know where you live. | ||
| They know it's a half hour to Newark. | ||
| The ship is there. | ||
| And where do they bring them? | ||
| They take them to whatever, Brazil to start a new currency. | ||
| I don't know where the fuck they take them. | ||
| But my point is that when those guys get arrested, they're out the next day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And half of the shit that's going on, people are out the next day. | ||
| Again! | ||
| Did you see the thing, the shoplifting statistics about New York? | ||
| Of all of the shoplifting, it's like 600 people. | ||
| And they've been arrested thousands of times. | ||
| Thousands of times. | ||
| Thousands of times. | ||
| See if you can find the statistics, because it's so crazy, you can't believe that that's really it. | ||
| In New York, it takes two cops to arrest you. | ||
| So here it is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, excuse me. | ||
| Only 327 people, collectively, they were arrested and re-arrested more than 6,000 times. | ||
| Some engage in shoplifting as a trade while others are driven by addiction or mental illness. | ||
| The police did not identify the 327 people in the analysis. | ||
| 327 people! | ||
| Hey, maybe you should lock those folks up and you'd stop all of the shoplifting. | ||
| The idea that you shouldn't do that is so fucking... | ||
| Do you understand how cities work? | ||
| Do you understand how law and order works? | ||
| Do you understand how peace works? | ||
| You need peace officers. | ||
| If you don't have peace officers, bad people are gonna run amok and they're not gonna listen. | ||
| This has been the case in all of human history. | ||
| I mean, we know what the fucking equation is. | ||
| It's not that all cops are bad. | ||
| It's that there are some bad cops. | ||
| And they should be exposed, and they should have better training, and they should be better funded, and they should be appreciated. | ||
| And maybe if they're more appreciated, there would be less of this. | ||
| And maybe we should figure out why the crime is happening in these cities in the first place. | ||
| Maybe figure out why these disenfranchised communities are the same every fucking year, decade after decade, with no federal funding, why we ship billions of dollars over to Ukraine. | ||
| And what did we spend in Afghanistan? | ||
| What did we spend? | ||
| Come on! | ||
| This is... | ||
| It's not like you can't, like, make some real steps to fix this nationwide as a country. | ||
| But defunding the police is not one of them. | ||
| Not one of them. | ||
| That's a dumb way to approach it. | ||
| Punishment is so fucking important. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I understand the slap in the wrist. | ||
| I got a ton of them. | ||
| And what did that do? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| What did that do? | ||
| All those slaps on the wrist. | ||
| I was cool. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You got a little record. | ||
| Write a letter. | ||
| You were legit. | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| They let me run amok from 1983 to 1988 when I got busted. | ||
| I wish I would have got arrested once and for all. | ||
| But all those stupidity things, you know, that I was doing, whether I was in San Francisco, I got arrested in all those places. | ||
| But they were dumb enough to let me out. | ||
| What did you get arrested for? | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| You know, stupid shit, theft of over $200, possession of stolen tools, possession of this, you know, only one weed possession. | ||
| That was my second arrest, was weed and I got a six-month probation, which had a half ounce on me. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I paid a fine, a buck and a quarter or something like that. | ||
| Did it defray me? | ||
| Did it deter me from getting high? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, I wish they'd nail you, and that sentence that that judge gave me, that's a sentence they gotta give people. | ||
| Zero to four years, uh, reconsideration after a year. | ||
| If you really do it. | ||
| Just to show you the bowels of what it is. | ||
| If after a year I don't reconsider you, pretty much you're gonna be in there for the rest of your fucking life. | ||
| You take somebody, you punish them heavy the first time, and then you see what direction they go. | ||
| One thing, when I walked out of that prison cell, I knew I was gonna still do coke and show. | ||
| I knew I was still gonna steal. | ||
| I just knew I had to change my ways a little bit. | ||
| I knew I wasn't going back in there. | ||
| This goes back to shoplifting. | ||
| When you shoplift, they have theft over $200 and theft under $200. | ||
| And in different states, different counties, it's all different. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| Well, now in places, it's like $900. | ||
| Yeah, $900. | ||
| So people are just walking out of stores and no one's stopping them. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So it used to be that I could go to a place, a supermarket, and try to rob a fucking lobster tail for $100, and they'd give me a ticket. | ||
| A ticket. | ||
| I'll live with a ticket all day long. | ||
| I'll take that ticket and shove it up my ass. | ||
| It's me going down to the station, getting processed, fingerprinted. | ||
| That's what deters you. | ||
| That's the shit that deters you, Joe. | ||
| And that's what they're not understanding. | ||
| They don't have enough programs for people. | ||
| Listen, when you go to prison in this country, all you're doing is warehousing me and put me back out. | ||
| You warehouse me with guys that are smarter than me and now gave me new ways to make money. | ||
| To steal. | ||
| If I was stealing with a gun before, now they taught me how to steal with a computer. | ||
| What do you think's gonna happen? | ||
| There's no programs in there. | ||
| They don't talk to you. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| It's up to you to give a fuck. | ||
| There's no Chinese food in prison. | ||
| There's no fucking tons of things in prison, so I didn't belong there. | ||
| So I didn't... | ||
| I knew I wasn't gonna go back. | ||
| Knock on wood. | ||
| I stayed out. | ||
| But think about the people who weren't as lucky as me. | ||
| The percentages. | ||
| The percentages are horrible. | ||
| The percentages of most men who grow up in crime-ridden neighborhoods are horrible. | ||
| It's very... | ||
| It's very hard to get out. | ||
| You gotta find something, whether it's music or entertainment or sports or something. | ||
| You might have a wild idea for a business that catches on, but Jesus Christ, the odds are stacked against you. | ||
| The odds are stacked against you. | ||
| And what happens when you do get convicted with that felony? | ||
| I can't do nothing. | ||
| Still, to this day, I can't do anything, Joe. | ||
| I can't go get a retirement job at Costco. | ||
| I can't volunteer at Costco. | ||
| I can't get a volunteer's job at a fucking rec center, maybe helping, taking old people out to a movie or something like that just to give back to the community. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| Can't do that. | ||
| That liquidated me from anything. | ||
| I found out the last three years how worthless I really was. | ||
| That's why I sell weed. | ||
| The last three years. | ||
| Why sell the last three years? | ||
| Because I was always looking for options. | ||
| Like what else can I do in my life that would maybe, you know, whatever. | ||
| Just what can I do? | ||
| Maybe go back to school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anything. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm always interested in learning more. | ||
| I fucking don't remember any history. | ||
| So you're just thinking about doing it just as an interesting thing to do, like a new adventure? | ||
| Yeah, like maybe go back to school or something, take online classes, something. | ||
| I love to fucking learn all this shit I blew away the last 30 years. | ||
| You know, I didn't read what I used to read as a child. | ||
| I didn't read geography, I didn't read history, I read, you know, books, you know, fucking stupid books. | ||
| So I'd love to take classes again or something like that, but anything. | ||
| I have no options. | ||
| I could never do anything with that felony. | ||
| Is that the fucking thing you should be sending? | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't mean... | ||
| If someone pays their price and does their time, I feel like they should just... | ||
| As long as they're not doing anything else, as long as they're not committing more crimes, they should be a regular member of society. | ||
| No. | ||
| Let me explain something to you. | ||
| In my world, for me to get to where I got, when I walked out of that prison cell, I became a regular member of society. | ||
| But imagine if you're 20 years old and you do something stupid and you get locked up for it, and then you are no longer a voting member of society. | ||
| I was 25. Yeah. | ||
| I was 25. Yeah. | ||
| 1987, I'm 24. 1988, I'm 25, Joe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got out when I was 27. 27 and a half, maybe? | ||
| And thank God I could sell. | ||
| Thank God I could fucking sell ice to a fucking Eskimo. | ||
| Thank God you have that skill. | ||
| At least you could sell cars or insurance or whatever. | ||
| I can't get registered. | ||
| I can't work at the stocks. | ||
| I could always be like you're a stockbroker. | ||
| I could always make cold calls for your shit like that. | ||
| But in my world, I didn't want to go back. | ||
| What was I going to do? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| I can't even be an acupuncturist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That probably makes a lot of people go back to crime. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| People give up. | ||
| When I found out that I didn't do background checks at comedy clubs, how fucking happy was I? And I was still skeptical. | ||
| And then it was one guy that saved my life, Tim Allen. | ||
| Tim Allen. | ||
| I was just going to say that. | ||
| When I heard that Tim Allen did, boom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| And the motherfucker got on Disney. | ||
| And I'm like, okay. | ||
| I just want to get to the Comedy Store. | ||
| I don't want to get on Disney. | ||
| I don't want to go on NBC. Let me ask you this. | ||
| What happened to you where you figured out how to be funny on stage? | ||
| Because you were always okay on stage, but you would have some rough sets. | ||
| And then there was one day... | ||
| It was one day in the OR. You were telling stories backstage. | ||
| You know, we had to have that little back parking lot area. | ||
| You were telling stories and you went on stage just fucking guns blazing and you murdered harder than I'd ever seen you kill before. | ||
| I was like, this is crazy. | ||
| This is like a different person. | ||
| You were stiff on stage before. | ||
| You're like, oh, you didn't like that joke? | ||
| All right. | ||
| And you go into another joke, and you had a joke and a joke, and then one day, you went on stage just guns blazing, and it was not... | ||
| I always tell everybody, it wasn't like it was a slow, gradual, he got better. | ||
| It was like you were here, and then boom. | ||
| Bro, you get punched in the face one too many times. | ||
| And after one punch, you go, that's it. | ||
| I'm not doing this. | ||
| And I just want to tell you something, because I talked to Ari about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If... | |
| Well, I'm definitely going to do ten minutes tonight to fuck around with you. | ||
| I have a plan, Joe. | ||
| If you know anything about me, you know I always got a plan. | ||
| You got plans. | ||
| I always got a plan. | ||
| For me to do stand-up again, I don't want to travel. | ||
| I'll come down here, do a residency down here for you. | ||
| Whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Storyteller, whatever you want. | ||
| I got no problem with that. | ||
| I don't want to hang dates all over me. | ||
| That gives me a lot of anxiety. | ||
| And I don't want to be doing anything else. | ||
| For the first time, if I go back to comedy, I told Ari this. | ||
| I go, Ari, because Ari says you might not do a podcast no more. | ||
| And I go, you're done. | ||
| Ari's so silly. | ||
| I go, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. | ||
| Just focus on stand-up for the next five years. | ||
| He's about to turn 48 or something. | ||
| I go, just do stand-up for the next five years. | ||
| Nothing else. | ||
| No podcasting, no films. | ||
| You don't have to worry about anything. | ||
| And he goes, you know, you got a good point because I wrote the new special when I couldn't edit no more, that fucking This Is Not Happening show. | ||
| You've always spoken about this. | ||
| Just do stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I got to L.A., I was there just to do stand-up. | ||
| But then everybody started throwing all these things at me, and I got confused. | ||
| And then I realized I'm at the store. | ||
| I came here to do stand-up. | ||
| And that's what we are. | ||
| I think even now, the stand-up comic is too... | ||
| We're all over the place now. | ||
| We used to just do stand-up. | ||
| We used to just do stand-up. | ||
| They got comics doing everything now. | ||
| It's great, but it takes away from who the fuck we really are. | ||
| Well, when I was doing Fear Factor, I didn't tour hardly at all. | ||
| Because I was really working a lot. | ||
| It was a lot of hours. | ||
| And I was mostly just doing the store. | ||
| And I remember hearing about people that were doing the road and I'd get jealous. | ||
| I was hearing about people just doing stand-up and I would get jealous. | ||
| But I also knew I was very fortunate. | ||
| I also knew like, hey man, not a lot of people get a hit television show. | ||
| You gotta keep doing this. | ||
| This is money that you could literally do whatever the fuck you want now. | ||
| You could literally not ever worry about money. | ||
| That's a giant thing to have. | ||
| So I was like, okay. | ||
| But I remember thinking, man, all these guys are just doing stand-up. | ||
| It looks like so much fun. | ||
| I would talk to dudes after they did Thursday, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, and they'd come to the store on Tuesday. | ||
| And I'd be like, where were you? | ||
| They're like, oh, I was in Columbus. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| Oh, it was fucking great. | ||
| Saturday night, the fucking show was so good. | ||
| They're telling stories and this and that. | ||
| And I'm like, oh. | ||
| And, you know, like, oh, your hour gets so tight. | ||
| You know, you roll in Thursday with a new joke. | ||
| By the time Saturday late show, it's fucking crack. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Yeah, but all I was able to do was do weeknights and weekends occasionally at the store. | ||
| But I really didn't have the time to travel. | ||
| Well, at least you did that. | ||
| Think of all the guys that came to LA as good stand-ups, got a job on a TV show, and say, fuck stand-up, fuck stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they got caught up in the TV show, and then they never did stand-up again. | ||
| And that's one thing I always really respected about you. | ||
| And I told people all the time, I go, In the height of his game, this motherfucker would still do his 1045 on a Friday night. | ||
| After he just grabbed a huge paycheck all week on some TV show that was news radio or the other one. | ||
| You'd never be late for your Friday night spot. | ||
| And that's character. | ||
| That built a lot of... | ||
| That made me... | ||
| It inspired me. | ||
| Like, this guy doesn't give a fuck, because 9 out of 10 comics, they'll tell you how much they love comedy. | ||
| Once they got on a TV show, it's over. | ||
| They're not coming down there again. | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But you didn't really love comedy the whole time. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've always... | ||
| And that's what I like about stand-up. | ||
| I don't have to travel, Joe. | ||
| I could just shoot into the stand three nights a week, do 15. And you know how you prove it, it's really the stand-up? | ||
| It's because, like, the store wasn't even giving you any money. | ||
| Like, what'd you get, like, 25 bucks? | ||
| Yeah, 15. 15 bucks. | ||
| For a 15-minute set. | ||
| We weren't doing it for money. | ||
| No. | ||
| We were doing it to work on stand-up. | ||
| I enjoyed being broke. | ||
| It was accepting. | ||
| I was accepted at that time as being broke. | ||
| You accept being broke for the fucking honor to come here four or five nights a week. | ||
| That's what you switch. | ||
| You give away that to take that. | ||
| Think about, for people watching this right now, how much does stand-up mean to you what you don't even care about? | ||
| I didn't care where I slept. | ||
| When I would go on the road, we'd think I had a fucking, you know, who shows to an open mic on a Lamborghini? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Nobody, right? | ||
| Nobody's funny. | ||
| You know? | ||
| No! | ||
| Nobody shows up to an open mic on a Lamborghini. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| One kid, when I started with, he had a rich, what do you call those rich hot mamas he had? | ||
| Oh, he had a sugar mama? | ||
| Yeah, he had a sugar mama. | ||
| This kid was horrible. | ||
| He did impersonations, but it was all one. | ||
| His resume, you opened it up, his bio was a living 3D resume. | ||
| She had made like a hundred copies of this fucking book that came out. | ||
| It was him as Tony Montana and him as like Charlie Chan and all these people. | ||
| And that was his name. | ||
| He's probably even not in the business anymore. | ||
| But his name, it was like, ding, the man of a thousand voices. | ||
| But in Denver they said, but you only heard one. | ||
| And I still remember him going down to the Comedy Works, one of the best clubs in the country at that time. | ||
| This is 94. And him doing an open mic and me doing an open mic. | ||
| And me, like, doing OK. But he'd just go and bomb. | ||
| And he would come off the stage. | ||
| This is how crazy comedy is. | ||
| And he would have his tape recorder, the old ones, and he would be pounding it. | ||
| And I'd go, what's the matter? | ||
| And he goes, this fucking tape recorder. | ||
| Don't pick up the laughter. | ||
| And I'd go, oh my god. | ||
| You know how many times this guy would call me up after that? | ||
| I was living in Seattle. | ||
| And he'd go, I've got to ask you a question. | ||
| He goes, I just got down to coconuts. | ||
| He booked me as a headliner. | ||
| And then after the first night, he booked me to a feature. | ||
| He demoted me. | ||
| Now I'm the emcee and I'm seating people. | ||
| Should I stay? | ||
| Because in coconuts, you had to seat people if you were the emcee. | ||
| You didn't know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Those chains in Florida, I don't even think they're still open. | ||
| This is how far long ago it was. | ||
| So when you worked at Coconuts, if you were the MC, you had to seat people. | ||
| He got hired as a headliner. | ||
| When he got there on Tuesday, he was the headliner. | ||
| He ate such a bag of shit on Tuesday, they made him the fucking feature on Wednesday. | ||
| He ate such a bag of shit on Wednesday, they made him the MC on... | ||
| That's how bad this guy was. | ||
| But he was filthy rich. | ||
| The chick would get him suits and lights and... | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| He had a guy on stage already as an open-miker. | ||
| He already had a sound guy. | ||
| The people you fucking meet in this struggle, my friend. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's interesting when you stay with them the whole time. | ||
| One of the interesting things about being good friends with Greg Fitzsimmons is that we literally started out a week apart from each other. | ||
| So we were there for all these crazy shows. | ||
| We were there in a car once, and we were driving to this gig, and we were with this guy, and we're just talking about different stuff. | ||
| And this guy was this little feeble guy with glasses. | ||
| You know, we're talking about like one guy was complaining about his girlfriend. | ||
| She does this. | ||
| He goes, well, my woman insists that I put a dildo in my ass. | ||
| We're like, what? | ||
| You put a dildo in your ass? | ||
| He's like, yep. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| She wants me to do it. | ||
| And it's not bad. | ||
| We're just in the car driving. | ||
| And to this day, Greg and I will talk about that and just fucking cry laughing. | ||
| We're like, what the fuck are you saying? | ||
| She does what to you? | ||
| Like, those people, they're insane people. | ||
| You mean, like, literal insane people. | ||
| The open mic world is a fucking fantastic world. | ||
| And it's funny as shit, too. | ||
| It'd be a great sitcom. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| Like a single camera? | ||
| Like a, you know, like a Louis style? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Let's just talk about the Sunday nights at the store when we were there. | ||
| When I used to host, the 7 o'clock, the 9. The open mic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I quit because there's too much walking up and down the stairs. | ||
| Three fucking minutes, I'm up and down. | ||
| I've run 8,000 calories. | ||
| So then she gave me 10 to 12. But that helped you a lot, too, because you got loose, like fucking around in between the acts and making fun of things. | ||
| Well, right there I was working really close with Mitzi. | ||
| And Mitzi was a confidence builder. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| She didn't even have to give you a note. | ||
| If you went up with her and killed, you got better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the first couple times in front of Mitzi, you were always, like, kind of gawky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the more you go up in front of Mitzi on a Sunday, the more confidence you get. | ||
| And I still remember going somewhere in, like, 2002. Like, uh... | ||
| Indianapolis. | ||
| Uh, Notre Dame in Indiana. | ||
| They used to have a comedy club there, Funny Bone. | ||
| And I was dating that crazy chick from Misha Walker from Michigan. | ||
| And I'll never forget like 2000, maybe like 2000. And I'll never forget that I went there for a fucking showcase. | ||
| And I'm not the type of guy that would open his mouth like that. | ||
| He told me, come on Sunday and do 10. And if you're funny, I'll bring you back. | ||
| And I go, okay. | ||
| And I went down there. | ||
| And after, I did great. | ||
| I did great. | ||
| But afterward, he was like, well, I don't like him. | ||
| I stopped him. | ||
| I go, oh, stop. | ||
| I don't mean any disrespect. | ||
| I perform in front of Mitzi Short fucking three times a week. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You ain't gonna give me no fucking note, Tarzan. | ||
| You're in Notre Dame. | ||
| You don't know dick about dick. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| He was a great guy. | ||
| We both laughed about it. | ||
| But in my mind, I had that confidence in my heart. | ||
| Like, save it, bitch. | ||
| I'm in front of Mitzi. | ||
| Save. | ||
| Go fuck yourself. | ||
| She was the ultimate mentor. | ||
| She was. | ||
| And she gave me... | ||
| That was the other thing. | ||
| Like, she just... | ||
| You know, when you're in front of her a lot, and she don't have to say nothing to you. | ||
| Just you killing in front of her, that's it. | ||
| I'm wearing my dick on my fucking shirt. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| She also was the very best at taking comics and putting them in dangerous spots. | ||
| Taking people and putting them after people that they really probably shouldn't be following. | ||
| Me? | ||
| Yeah, with all of us. | ||
| She would put me after Irera or that fucking dude. | ||
| I've told you a thousand times. | ||
| I still have nightmares about that dude. | ||
| What's that dude saying? | ||
| The brother with the dreads. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Dog, I still have nightmares about him. | ||
| This is driving me nuts. | ||
| You're killing me. | ||
| I can't remember his name. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| Great kid. | ||
| We'll figure it out. | ||
| I can't even figure out what to tell Jamie to find him. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's just weed. | ||
| It's a real problem, these 420 shows. | ||
| Bro, don't blame on the weed. | ||
| I could pull his name out if I didn't have the weed in me. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Two alpha brains, I'll fucking pull his name out. | ||
| I just saw T.K. Kirkland. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| On a podcast with... | ||
| I was dying of laughter with that motherfucker. | ||
| Godfrey. | ||
| Godfrey and T.K. Kirkland. | ||
| I remember T.K. Kirkland from the store early days. | ||
| Early days. | ||
| You were always talking about him. | ||
| Yeah, I liked him a lot. | ||
| I liked him. | ||
| Have you seen Eddie Griffin? | ||
| When was the last time you saw Eddie? | ||
| I see him online. | ||
| I haven't seen him in forever. | ||
| I want to see him physically. | ||
| I send him messages. | ||
| He won't return my messages. | ||
| If he was in front of you, he'd give you a big hug. | ||
| Dog. | ||
| I always loved that. | ||
| Listen, I think that you and Eddie, regardless of what you might say, could be a good podcast for two hours. | ||
| I would talk to Eddie Griffin for three hours. | ||
| I think, come on. | ||
| Dog, how about the night we were behind the comedy store? | ||
| Tell these motherfuckers what he said to you. | ||
| How much that Bruce Lee fought a thousand guys? | ||
| I was there with you! | ||
| So I can't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can repeat this, because I was there with you. | |
| I remember we walked the pink dot. | ||
| We walked the pink dot, and you're like, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know about it. | ||
| Well, he just loved telling stories. | ||
| And it didn't even matter if the story was true. | ||
| Did Bruce Lee fight a thousand guys to the death? | ||
| I don't know what the fuck it was. | ||
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| But you heard it too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole thing is happening while I'm working for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. | ||
| He's telling me about how Bruce Lee fought a thousand people. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? | ||
| He was an actor. | ||
| Bruce Lee is an innovator in martial arts, a hero. | ||
| He was an amazing guy. | ||
| But no, he didn't fight a thousand people. | ||
| It was one guy and he hit him with a punch. | ||
| Because I still remember that speech. | ||
| It was 3 in the morning. | ||
| I was a little fucked up. | ||
| But I would listen to that speech all day long, man. | ||
| Eddie Griffin would describe to you in detail how they built the pyramids. | ||
| Let me tell you about Eddie Griffin. | ||
| Eddie Griffin was there. | ||
| I introduced myself to Eddie Griffin the first night I walked into the originals. | ||
| The first night I ever walked into the store was on Monday, and Eddie was there with Tupac. | ||
| Not Tupac. | ||
| Tumac, the kid who was in the Last Dragon. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Last Dragon. | ||
| Okay, the showgun of Harlem. | ||
| He was in there with him. | ||
| There was eight people in the audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bruce Leroy. | |
| Bruce Leroy. | ||
| Don Barris was hosting. | ||
| Wheels was there, and that was it on a Monday night. | ||
| And Don Barris put me up out of a favor to nobody, to himself, and Eddie saw me. | ||
| Didn't say nothing to me, but then I got a showcase. | ||
| And Eddie was there, and he told me that night, I'm going to sit next to Mitzi. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| He sat next to Mitzi when I was on stage, so no motherfuckers would talk to her. | ||
| Yeah, and they would laugh. | ||
| The Todd did that for me. | ||
| People would tell you to do that, too. | ||
| Like, if guys you knew that were gonna showcase, you'd sit next to Mitzi and laugh. | ||
| He was good to me. | ||
| And then I bumped him to him on a plane one time. | ||
| This is before 9-11 when you could do whatever the fuck you want on a plane. | ||
| And I moved up to first class with him. | ||
| And he goes, just sit here. | ||
| Stay here with me, and that was how I met Eddie, and I gave him a picture of Bruce Lee's grave that I had taken, and ever since that we just hit it off. | ||
| And he would always throw me little bones, and he would bump me for fucking six hours, but I never really got mad at him for that. | ||
| His set on Def Jam to this day was one of the best. | ||
| At the time, I remember thinking, God damn, this guy's talented. | ||
| Remember he had shorts on? | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Alexander Graham Bell invented the... | ||
| What was the joke? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because he was doing coke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, it'd go like, how high you gotta be to be like, I want to talk to someone who's not even here. | ||
| That was it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to talk to someone who's not here. | |
| That was the one. | ||
| That's a great joke. | ||
| Bro, he had some great bits, man. | ||
| And he was so physical. | ||
| He was real lean back then. | ||
| Real lean. | ||
| Real physical on stage. | ||
| He had all this energy. | ||
| I remember watching it. | ||
| I think I was living in New York at the time. | ||
| I think I watched it on HBO, and I was like, holy fuck, is this guy good. | ||
| You know who I studied a lot? | ||
| Who I was a fan of when I first got into comedy, and I'm a fan of them still to this day. | ||
| I just saw he's doing a show. | ||
| The Brothers from St. Louis. | ||
| The Wayans brothers? | ||
| No, the other brothers. | ||
| Your friends with the young... | ||
| Oh, the Tories. | ||
| The Tories. | ||
| Guy and Joe. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh, they're great. | ||
| Joe was the warm-up for Death Jam when we were coming up. | ||
| Joe was the only guy that I ever saw kill and be yoked at the same time. | ||
| This motherfucker would go on stage with like a vest on, built like Mike Tyson, just jacked, and he would kill. | ||
| I don't know how he did it. | ||
| Like, I don't know. | ||
| He's not even remotely self-conscious. | ||
| Jamar Neighbors can do it, too. | ||
| Jamar Neighbors goes on stage shirtless, and he's fucking shredded. | ||
| And it's funny. | ||
| It works. | ||
| I miss Jamar Neighbors. | ||
| I love Jamar Neighbors. | ||
| Where is he? | ||
| He's back in LA, I guess. | ||
| Oh, I thought he was down here with you guys. | ||
| No, he came out. | ||
| He spent some time here. | ||
| He did the podcast. | ||
| What, like a year and a half ago? | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| He's a legit boxer. | ||
| You know, Jamar Neighbors can box. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Show me video of him fighting. | ||
| He's had amateur fights. | ||
| Jamar Neighbors can crack. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| He can box. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that's where that body's from. | ||
| He does all these crazy calisthenics. | ||
| If you go on his Instagram, I think he's got all his crazy workouts he does. | ||
| That dude's in serious shape. | ||
| He looks strong as fuck. | ||
| He's shredded. | ||
| You see him on his Instagram? | ||
| He's got a video put up of him doing stand-up with a mohawk. | ||
| He glues a mohawk today. | ||
| And he's just fucking ripped. | ||
| This is him boxing. | ||
| That's Jamar. | ||
| Dude, he's good, man. | ||
| He's like a good amateur boxer. | ||
| He's very fast, too. | ||
| I mean, how old is Jamar? | ||
| He's got to be in his late 30s, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| I thought he was a little younger than that, right? | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've known him forever. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's got to be 35, right? | ||
| 37. 37. Wow. | ||
| I thought he was a little younger. | ||
| 33, 32. He's a good boxer, though. | ||
| So it's very rare that some, but Guy Torrey was the first guy that I ever saw that went on stage with like a vest on. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| There's Jamar. | ||
| White slavery. | ||
| He's wearing a Nazi hat. | ||
| Look how shredded Jamar is. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I'm telling you, he goes on stage looking like that and he kills. | ||
| Malachi. | ||
| I like that name. | ||
| He's just a fun dude to be around. | ||
| But find Guy Torrey. | ||
| Dog, I still remember one of his bits. | ||
| Or Joe Torrey. | ||
| Joe Torrey. | ||
| Joe Torrey's bit when he warmed up. | ||
| Him? | ||
| Fucking Martin Lawrence? | ||
| That was a hell of a lineup. | ||
| Dude, that was my worst bombings of all time when I had to follow Martin Lawrence at the store. | ||
| Over and over and over again. | ||
| And I'm going to tell you who the best performance on. | ||
| That is Joe. | ||
| I'm going to tell you the best performance ever on fucking Def Jam. | ||
| D.O. Hughley as a host. | ||
| When he got a standing ovation. | ||
| I never saw anything like that in my life. | ||
| Yeah, how about... | ||
| As a host, got a standing... | ||
| I mean, ripped the fucking room apart. | ||
| I will never forget that. | ||
| Joe Torrey, ready for Joe Torrey? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got a brother who's one of those Save the Whale motherfuckers. | ||
| But I'm thinking about getting a gun. | ||
| I'm dying to shoot a motherfucker, man. | ||
| I could see me with a gun hanging outside an ATM machine with a tuxedo on. | ||
| Come out of the bushes. | ||
| I'm going to shoot you. | ||
| Something about fucking buying a gun and he wanted to shoot somebody so he would hang out at an ATM with a tuxedo on every night. | ||
| I fucking loved that joke. | ||
| And one night I said it to him and he's like, man... | ||
| I haven't heard that in years. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| You just reminded me. | ||
| He hit his brother with good dudes. | ||
| You ever think about dudes who didn't make it where you can't understand how? | ||
| Like, where you're like, God damn, that guy was good. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| I always use Reggie McFadden. | ||
| Where is Reggie? | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| I think he got into real estate or something. | ||
| But Reggie McFadden in like 1992, when I was living in New York, my friend John, John Tobin was opening up for Reggie at the Champagne Comedy Club. | ||
| The Champagne Comedy Club was this dude who was hilarious. | ||
| This old school black dude who owned it. | ||
| He was like, no motherfuckers. | ||
| Like he had rules. | ||
| He goes, you don't say the bitch had a big ass. | ||
| You say the woman had a wide behind. | ||
| And he would like tell guys how to talk comedy. | ||
| But it didn't matter with Reggie because Reggie's act was clean. | ||
| And I'm telling you, this motherfucker murdered. | ||
| I was in this room watching him. | ||
| John had gone up. | ||
| He brought him up. | ||
| And we sat and watched Reggie. | ||
| And he murdered. | ||
| I mean, to the point where I was like, I'm looking at the next Eddie Murphy. | ||
| I'm looking at the next superstar. | ||
| This is a can't-go-wrong talent. | ||
| He had this joke about meeting a pretty girl and she's got an ugly friend that you can't shake. | ||
| He has the ugly girl smash through his window, and he's physical, so he bursts through the window on stage. | ||
| Where are you? | ||
| He was so funny, man. | ||
| He was so talented. | ||
| And I don't know what happened. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| People change. | ||
| People see things they don't want to do. | ||
| Corey Miller was one of those guys. | ||
| What happened with him? | ||
| The zoo? | ||
| Little zoo, remember? | ||
| Yeah, but what happened with him? | ||
| He just went back to raise his kid in Atlanta. | ||
| He still does comedy. | ||
| Still does comedy in Atlanta. | ||
| I know somebody saw him at a college and he said to say hello to me. | ||
| People just change their priorities, man. | ||
| It happens all the fucking time. | ||
| You know, you think about the two dudes who were in Guns N' Roses, the one guy, Izzy, that just left. | ||
| What does he feel like today? | ||
| You know, didn't you have a guy on from Soundgarden here? | ||
| Jason Everman. | ||
| Jason Everman. | ||
| Was he the original guy? | ||
| He was in Nirvana, and then he got kicked out of Nirvana, and he was in Soundgarden, and then he got kicked out of Soundgarden. | ||
| How do you think he feels today? | ||
| He was not very happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Well, now he's happy. | ||
| Now he's fine. | ||
| I mean, he really is a very much at peace guy. | ||
| He's also had a very fascinating life. | ||
| He's a special forces guy. | ||
| He did tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, multiple tours in Afghanistan, went to Columbia, got a degree at Columbia. | ||
| He's a brilliant guy. | ||
| So, like, I think he's a very thoughtful person, and his path was a great path for him. | ||
| But at the time, he felt like total dog shit. | ||
| They just honored the guy from the original bass player, from Soundgarden. | ||
| And he was, like, on the first two albums. | ||
| I always wondered, what happened to that fucking dude? | ||
| And how they feel now that they had an opportunity to be in this monster of a band, you know? | ||
| Isn't that the craziest thing about artists? | ||
| Guys like Chris Cornell, who is so fucking talented and so universally loved and still takes his own life. | ||
| That just shows you how fragile mental health is and people's states of mind. | ||
| And how, you know, you could just not see the thing. | ||
| I mean, that motherfucker was beloved. | ||
| Like, his voice was fucking insane. | ||
| It had so much power. | ||
| He's a really fucking talented guy. | ||
| Spoon Man? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| I remember one time you and I were listening to Spoon Man. | ||
| Remember I had that Suburban with all the big speakers in it and shit? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| We were sitting in my... | ||
| No, it was a Denali. | ||
| It was a Yukon Denali. | ||
| Denali. | ||
| And we were sitting in the Denali in the Comedy Store parking lot just jamming to Spoon Man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Spoon Man! | |
| Spoon Man! | ||
| And you were screaming. | ||
| If you don't like this song, you're not real, cocksucker. | ||
| You don't like Spoonman. | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| You were just so into this song. | ||
| And I still remember the night you came up to me out of the cold and you go, how can somebody listen to the Beatles after they listen to Blow Up the Outside World? | ||
| By Soundgarden. | ||
| And I said to you, I go, you know what's crazy? | ||
| You could tell Chris was a Beatles fan when you hear that chant, but I get what you were saying that day. | ||
| Soundgarden was great. | ||
| I changed my perceptions on that. | ||
| I became a much bigger Beatles fan later on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| Me too. | ||
| But back then, look, Blow Up The Outside World is a masterpiece. | ||
| That song's a masterpiece. | ||
| His voice is great on it. | ||
| It's a masterpiece of sound, everything about it. | ||
| It's like a spiritual experience, that song. | ||
| That song is a fuck. | ||
| And if you're high, if you're like sitting in your living room and you smoke a joint, you put the headphones on, you listen to that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That song's incredible. | ||
| It's crazy how I had views. | ||
| I hated the Beatles. | ||
| Give me some of that. | ||
| Especially if you're high and you listen to this, Joey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joey. | |
| There's some music that's just accentuated by weed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Give it everything I've heard. | ||
| Blow it there and go. | ||
| Blow it down and blow up the outside. | ||
| Blow up the outside world. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| What a song. | ||
| I like it towards the end when they do the drum thing and he says that he holds that one note. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Keep it going, Jamie. | ||
| and keep it going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| *clap* Now, talking to the Beatles, after we didn't have appreciation for the Beatles growing up, not because I didn't like them, because everybody always broke my balls on how good they were. | ||
| And I've told this story before. | ||
| I love John Lennon. | ||
| But the day John Lennon got shot, it was the happiest day of my life. | ||
| Because I won the argument now. | ||
| Because every time you couldn't fucking say nothing with Beatle people. | ||
| Every time you said, like, oh my god, I went to see The Stones last night. | ||
| What a great album. | ||
| Shattered. | ||
| What a great album. | ||
| Miss You is. | ||
| Some motherfucker would say, yeah, it's a great album, but wait till the Beatles get back together. | ||
| Fucking Stay With Heaven's a great song. | ||
| Yeah, it's great, but wait till the Beatles get back together. | ||
| They always had me. | ||
| I always lost that argument. | ||
| You gotta walk away like, yeah, he got a point. | ||
| The day John Lennon got shut, that argument went out the window. | ||
| Bitch, they ain't getting back together. | ||
| So shut the fuck up now, okay? | ||
| It's Led Zeppelin who's running things. | ||
| In fact, they had a Beatle mural at my high school. | ||
| Somebody put an extra John Lennon the day after he got shot because we didn't want to hear that argument no more. | ||
| Everybody got sick of that fucking argument, all right? | ||
| And I love John. | ||
| I love all those albums, fucking Shave, Fish, and all that stuff. | ||
| While My Guitar Gently Weeps. | ||
| Oh, I love all that shit. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I love the Beatles from Revolve On. | ||
| Once they did the Aston and started smoking dope, I like all that shit. | ||
| That's really good stuff. | ||
| Before that, she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But no. | ||
| It was a different time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A different time of the world. | ||
| When they went to India and smoked with that Maharishi and started playing all that shit and opened up their horizons, they were good, man. | ||
| Isn't it interesting that the kids that grew up that were into like ACDC, Led Zeppelin, those are not necessarily kids that were into the Beatles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| And some of them were. | ||
| My crew was all like Jim Morrison. | ||
| It was The Doors, Van Halen, Led Zeppelin. | ||
| Van Halen was current. | ||
| That was like the current band that everybody was into. | ||
| But it was old bands. | ||
| It was always played Stairway to Heaven. | ||
| Or if somebody wanted to get crazy, you play Freebird. | ||
| When that guitar solo goes on in Freebird, when you're 16 years old and you listen to that song, you're like, holy shit! | ||
| To this day, in my opinion, that's the greatest guitar solo of all time. | ||
| That guitar solo is fucking insane. | ||
| There's so much good music. | ||
| So much good music. | ||
| You get caught up with one thing. | ||
| During the pandemic, I got back into music. | ||
| I bought vinyl. | ||
| I got into vinyl again. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| And it's so weird how... | ||
| An album will take you back. | ||
| Like, I got an album now, it'll take me back for a week. | ||
| Like, I'll play the album when I'm writing, when I'm doing shit, you know? | ||
| Take you back to those days. | ||
| I just... | ||
| But you also hear things. | ||
| That's why I don't like doing music reviews and shit. | ||
| Because I learn more about the music the more I listen to it. | ||
| Like, every time I put on... | ||
| Like, I don't put on Led Zeppelin no more. | ||
| But you're in your car, you're headed back, you crank it up, you always hear something you haven't heard and go, wow. | ||
| I used to always crank a whole lot of love when I was on my way to the store. | ||
| I crank all that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| But that was the song. | ||
| That was a song that I wanted to hear when I was on my way to the store That fucking jam oh Oh my god. | ||
| And then there's like a minute and a half of fuck sounds in that song. | ||
| A minute and a half, it's like... | ||
| With the little cymbals in the background. | ||
| Zeppelin II is very interesting because it's dirty. | ||
| It's dirty. | ||
| Yeah, here we go. | ||
| Give me some of this. | ||
| It's dirty. | ||
| Let me go shoot a load real quick. | ||
| honey this is the get ramped up to go to the comedy store song Wanna hold out of love? | ||
| And this sound sucks. | ||
| You gotta listen to this on, like, real speakers. | ||
| Something about the way it's coming through my ears sounds like dog shit. | ||
| Maybe I need new headphones. | ||
| No, it's some songs on YouTube for some reason. | ||
| Don't sound great when we run it through here. | ||
| Maybe it's because they don't want you to be able to do that. | ||
| Maybe they want it to distort so that you can't just take the music down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it has to do with the cable I'm using. | |
| That's more logical. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sometimes some things sound fine and other things don't. | |
| Maybe we should get a better cable. | ||
| I don't know why some things sound perfect and other things don't. | ||
| Should we replace the cable? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It might not fix it. | |
| It's also the thing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It could be that. | ||
| But wouldn't it be nice if we could hear it really good? | ||
| That seems like it should be possible. | ||
| It also could be like I have to find a good source. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right, so some of these... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Might not be the best place. | |
| They're probably compressed too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Doesn't sound great either. | ||
| Keep it going though. | ||
| Let me hear some of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's better. | |
| That's better. | ||
| I had a 2002 Toyota Supra Turbo that I got the craziest sound system ever put into this fucking thing. | ||
| This was like when I was on Fear Factor and I was like, what can you do? | ||
| And they said, we can engineer a sound system just for your car. | ||
| And I'm like, oh my god, let's do it. | ||
| And they put, like, there was a subwoofer under the front seat, or under the back seat, like, you couldn't push the back seat back, and these crazy speakers in the dash, and put speakers here and speakers there. | ||
| You have to put a microphone in your seat, so they can, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tune to your seat? | |
| I don't know how they did it, but when I would play this in that car, the music would dance around the car. | ||
| Like, you could hear the guitar from over here. | ||
| You know what I would really hear it in? | ||
| Was Seal. | ||
| When you kiss by a rose, there's sound coming from all over the place in that song. | ||
| Well, what's that taping called? | ||
| That style of recording? | ||
| Because that's on that album. | ||
| Because even when you listen to it when you were a kid, and you had two sets of speakers, ah, ah, ah! | ||
| That's what I was just saying. | ||
| What I was saying is, do you remember that Toyota 911 Turbo? | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| That was a Super Turbo. | ||
| That had a 2002 911 Turbo. | ||
| I had that crazy sound system in it. | ||
| And that sound system, the sound would bounce around with that song. | ||
| So that was like my warm-up song. | ||
| When I was listening to that song and I was driving down Sunset It was like coming and all the with the humping sounds like It's like drifting around the car. | ||
| Give me some of that. | ||
| So when you do acid or something like that, that's what you start hearing those little speakers. | ||
| I've always thought that they recorded Like thinking that you were gonna do acid like Pink Floyd. | ||
| I know recorded Thinking that you were gonna be tripping. | ||
| Oh for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They fucked with you like that, you know, you got it What was the name of the kid speaking of with? | |
| When you got to LA you bought a nice car and then you didn't want it no more. | ||
| Would you sell that super to? | ||
| Oh comedian. | ||
| Yeah, he disappeared out which it wasn't that was a Volkswagen I had a Volkswagen Corrado. | ||
| And he only had a certain amount of money. | ||
| And I said, okay. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Fucking forget his name. | ||
| Did he date Kelly Kirsten? | ||
| I don't believe so, did he? | ||
| But he was a nice kid. | ||
| Nice kid. | ||
| I was just starting to make some money. | ||
| He was funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happened to him? | ||
| Man, some of them just, the pressure, the overwhelming pressure of constantly performing is just, it gives them anxiety and they never survive it. | ||
| They just, it cracks them. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| So this is me coming down Laurel Canyon. | ||
| I would always time it. | ||
| I knew when to start playing it. | ||
| I would start playing it when you hit that store. | ||
| You know that little country store on Laurel Canyon? | ||
| When I hit that, that's when I would start the song. | ||
| And by the time I'm snaking all the way down Laurel and I get to the bottom and I take that turn... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're playing two different things. | |
| Fucked it up, Jimmy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was trying to show you Laurel Canyon. | |
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| This was the way I would come over from the valley. | ||
| If I didn't take the 405, I'd go this way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck this line. | |
| Yeah, the traffic. | ||
| This was just like the perfect Let's Fucking Go song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, the traffic. | |
| This song made me smoke pasta. | ||
| This one did? | ||
| That was it. | ||
| You think it's over, but it's not over. | ||
| You think it's winding down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you hear that? | |
| I was going to bring this up. | ||
| Can you hear in the background, you can hear his voice? | ||
| That echoes, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of what happened with the tape. | ||
| It's like an accident. | ||
| Oh, no way. | ||
| Tape is tight, stored too tightly, kind of? | ||
| Meanwhile, it's perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it sounds perfect. | |
| Oh! | ||
| Here we go, cocksuckers! | ||
| Cheers for me, girl! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wanna be your back dumb man. | |
| Hey! Ho! | ||
| Hey! Ho! | ||
| Hey! Ho! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! | ||
| Goddamn, that's a good song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| And there'll never, ever be anything like this ever again. | ||
| Well, it was so unique for the time, too. | ||
| This was the second album. | ||
| This was the second fucking album. | ||
| I'm hooked on the fifth album now. | ||
| I've been listening to Presence lately. | ||
| Achilles' Last Stand. | ||
| How about The Ocean? | ||
| For Your Life. | ||
| That's House of the Holy. | ||
| That was the second album that put me over the top. | ||
| That A to Z. Dancing Days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| That. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| No court. | ||
| Listen, I was such a fucking... | ||
| Half a little fag when I was a kid. | ||
| When I first got Led Zeppelin to, I would play Dancing Days. | ||
| Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. | ||
| You don't have to go. | ||
| Then it's supposed to be No Quarter and then The Ocean. | ||
| I would skip over No Quarter. | ||
| Scariest fucking song they had. | ||
| I only listened to it when I got a little old. | ||
| I was like, okay, I'm ready for this. | ||
| I love the Immigrant Song. | ||
| Immigrant Song. | ||
| I'm three. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen. | |
| And that's what really shows you every album, they kind of changed it up. | ||
| They got a hillbilly song. | ||
| Called fucking Gallows Pole. | ||
| It's a hillbilly song or a country song? | ||
| Gallows Pole? | ||
| Yeah, can you ask Jamie to put on and listen to the beginning of this chant? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it just picks up. | ||
| I used to eat Quaaludes to this, me and Dini. | ||
| We used to eat Quaaludes with a bottle of Pupoff. | ||
| What's Pupoff? | ||
| Pupoff vodka. | ||
| P-O-P-O-V, that fucking liquid. | ||
| And we would fucking go over and over. | ||
| In fact, I still got a busted eye thing, a vein, from the Quaaludes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think I see my friends coming, riding many miles. | |
| Friends, you get some silver, you get a little gold. | ||
| What did you bring me, my dear friends? | ||
| Keep me from the gallows core. | ||
| What did you bring me? | ||
| Keep me from the gallows core. | ||
| That does have a country kind of influence. | ||
| Speed it up a little, Jamie. | ||
| get Drogon and here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I couldn't get no gold. | |
| You know the wheel too damn low in the yellow smoke. | ||
| Hand man, hand man holding a little while I think I see my brother coming right in many miles. | ||
| Brother, you give me some silver as you get a little gold. | ||
| Why did you bring me my brother? | ||
| Keep me from the gallows cold. | ||
| Brother, I brought you to the way. | ||
| I brought a little gold. | ||
| I brought a little over everything. | ||
| Keep me from the gallows cold. | ||
| Yes, I brought you to keep me from the gallows cold. | ||
| Hand man, hand man turn your head on wire I think I see my sister coming right in many miles. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Full boat, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sister, I implore you. | |
| Take him by the hand. | ||
| Take him to some shady power. | ||
| Save me from the rock of this man. | ||
| Please take him. | ||
| Save me from the rock of this man, man. | ||
| Hang me. | ||
| Hang me. | ||
| Upon your face a smile. | ||
| Tell me that I'm free to ride. | ||
| Ride for me. | ||
| Am I, am I, am I. | ||
| Oh, yes, you got a fine sister. | ||
| She want my blood to go. | ||
| She want my blood to boil it hot. | ||
| Take him from the gold. | ||
| Gold, gold, gold, gold. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Girl, it's on me still. | ||
| Sister, I want my soul. | ||
| But now I laugh. | ||
| I'm so hard. | ||
| She's swinging on the gavel. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But now I laugh. | ||
| I'm so hard. | ||
| She's swinging on the gavel. | ||
| Oh, oh, oh. | ||
| Swinging on the gavel. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| A little something different. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| I used to get fucked, and this album's got Immigrant Song, this, and the best Led Zeppelin song after all those songs. | ||
| Jimmy Page's best work since I've Been Loving You. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| I'm telling you, they came up with something different every fucking album. | ||
| I love music today. | ||
| I can't also believe I just saw that picture for the first time of James Brown's mugshot. | ||
| Is that from the arrest in 91? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that was 91. He hit her and they chased him in the truck and shit. | ||
| My favorite thing is when he got in trouble, then he was on some talk show, like right afterwards with sunglasses on. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He was skirting around it. | ||
| He was fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, that's his mugshot. | ||
| So the other one was a different time he got arrested. | ||
| It was something else, I think. | ||
| Was that something else? | ||
| That's a different one. | ||
| See if you can find the interview with him. | ||
| There's a hilarious James Brown interview where he's like, clearly high as kite. | ||
| And he's singing and having a good time. | ||
| It's very, very funny. | ||
| That's at CNN. Janice Brown. | ||
| My brother, are you in Newark next week? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, you are coming? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Give me some money for this. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got these incredible sunglasses on. | |
| Look at him. | ||
| Living in America! | ||
| Nothing wrong. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| Yeah, I'm out on love. | ||
| Are you out on love or out of love? | ||
| Which is it? | ||
| Out on love. | ||
| Alone from night to night, you'll find me. | ||
| Now, James, this isn't the first time you and your wife have had a problem. | ||
| Are the two of you going to be able to work this out? | ||
| Let's talk about some music. | ||
| You want to talk about music and you don't want to talk about what happened? | ||
| No, it's all over. | ||
| Well, let's talk about your tour. | ||
| When are you leaving? | ||
| We're leaving tomorrow. | ||
| And where are you going? | ||
| Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo. | ||
| Your fans will have read all about this, James. | ||
| Aren't you concerned about that? | ||
| I'm concerned because there's nothing wrong. | ||
| And what are you going to say to your fans when they ask you some questions about it? | ||
| I'm going to say I feel good! | ||
| I just got a brand new bag. | ||
| It's a man's world. | ||
| Well, that's the second time we've heard that in two days. | ||
| That's very interesting. | ||
| Now, don't leave us, James. | ||
| You stay right there. | ||
| We have more that we have to talk about. | ||
| Well, tell us a little bit about what you're going to be doing on this tour. | ||
| What are you going to be doing on this tour? | ||
| I'm gonna be doing... | ||
| Papa's got a brand new bag, living in America. | ||
| Sex machine, get up off of that thing! | ||
| I feel good! | ||
| Yeah James I have to ask you one serious question here. | ||
| I understand you already have started divorce proceedings does that mean that you're now eligible? | ||
| I'm not yes. | ||
| I'm saying I want to mingle Why do you think that is what you say the women love you when you get out there? | ||
| Why is that ladies? | ||
| Well, I'm asking you. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Because I look good. | ||
| I smell good. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| And you sing good. | ||
| And make love good. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Well, there we are. | ||
| We don't have to ask anybody else. | ||
| We got that from the source. | ||
| There you are. | ||
| Now, you're involved in publishing a gospel magazine. | ||
| Tell us a little bit about that. | ||
| The Second Coming. | ||
| It's out of Augusta, Georgia's ankle. | ||
| Joseph P. Young is the editor, and James Viner, one of the advisors. | ||
| And we're doing a fantastic job. | ||
| The Second Coming, it features, on this week, I think we have the Pope and, I believe, the Williams brothers. | ||
| And next week we're going to have Reverend Al Sharpton, I think, on the cover. | ||
| And we'll be doing a lot of good things, and hopefully we'll get Brother Ted Turner on the cover. | ||
| Ted, where you at? | ||
| James, we want to thank you for being with us today and giving us an opportunity. | ||
| Wait a minute, I have a good idea. | ||
| Oh, is there something more you want to say that we haven't covered? | ||
| Yeah, I want to say another thing. | ||
| Okay, go ahead. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I love America. | ||
| I love everybody. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| It sounds to me that you're not troubled by any of this at all. | ||
| This is a man's world! | ||
| Thanks for reminding us of that. | ||
| Every once in a while, we forget. | ||
| But we've remembered again. | ||
| James, good luck on your tour. | ||
| Thanks for being with us. | ||
| I guess we're going to hear lots more. | ||
| Hasta luego. | ||
| There's a guy that didn't give two fucks. | ||
| He's coked up to the gills. | ||
| God knows what else is in his fucking system. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He was as good as it gets, man. | ||
| How talented was that guy, though? | ||
| What was the concert in Zaire? | ||
| Yeah, the Muhammad Ali one? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Jamie, play that. | ||
| Because that was incredible. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Because that concert was insane. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| 74. Wow. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's fucking drenched. | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| With the cape. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This man will make your bladder splatter! | |
| This man will freeze your knees. | ||
| If you will, let's all welcome the world's godfather of soul, soul brother number one, James Brown! James Brown! James Brown! | ||
| God damn! | ||
| You are lit because damn it, you want to buy it, baby, you think you got to see, yeah! you think you got to see, yeah! | ||
| Bye. | ||
| You know Joe, this guy was the real deal to me. | ||
| He was the real deal. | ||
| What did he do up in Boston? | ||
| He has history. | ||
| Boy, he did something. | ||
| He saved. | ||
| He stopped a riot. | ||
| Oh, he performed! | ||
| After a cop shot a black kid and the city was in a riot and they told him not to perform. | ||
| He goes, I'm performing something. | ||
| He did something. | ||
| The night James Brown saved Boston. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Very interesting thing. | ||
| Oh, there's a movie about it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Two days after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s assassination, singer James Brown performs at the Boston Garden. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Two days? | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, he did something. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay, I'll check that out. | ||
| These guys, I don't know, these guys were... | ||
| Different era, different world. | ||
| Pioneers, real pioneers. | ||
| You know, they were running against different... | ||
| I watched that fucking thing again a couple weeks ago, The Green Mile, whatever, The Green Book. | ||
| You know, that dude's in the South. | ||
| He fucking wanted to go sing in the South. | ||
| They wouldn't let him fucking... | ||
| They wouldn't put him in the green room. | ||
| They wouldn't let him perform in the... | ||
| Eat in the dining room with other people. | ||
| That was a different fucking world, man. | ||
| And these guys had so much courage. | ||
| Jackie Robinson, to face that. | ||
| I would fold. | ||
| How about Ali changing his name in the middle of it and then not going into the Vietnam War? | ||
| They won't let him fight for three years and they're in the middle of his prime. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| So you really got to nod to these guys, because, man, they came up in a tough time. | ||
| I always see those pictures like him, Jim Brown, and Muhammad Ali, and they all got together. | ||
| It's pretty impressive, man. | ||
| Different type of savages. | ||
| It's a different world. | ||
| Imagine being a kid in the 1960s when you see Hendrix for the first time. | ||
| If you were 15 years old, five years before Hendrix, there was nothing like that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Nobody prepared anybody for anything like that? | ||
| I saw a lot of shit when I came from... | ||
| I learned a lot, man. | ||
| And that shit has always stuck with me. | ||
| The stuff I saw, you know... | ||
| Hence tremendous. | ||
| Hence tremendous. | ||
| When's it available? | ||
| May? | ||
| May 2nd. | ||
| You can order it now on Amazon, like pre-order it. | ||
| When can you get the audiobook? | ||
| May 2nd. | ||
| Oh, everything May 2nd. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Fucking tough to write, man. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| You know how it is with these fucking things. | ||
| You gotta dig deep and ask questions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, a book is a lot of soul searching, too, I'd imagine. | |
| Yeah, no. | ||
| While I was doing it, I was fucked up as hell. | ||
| That's why I figured I'd do it then. | ||
| You did it while you were getting off the benzos? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I just moved. | ||
| I did the knee surgery. | ||
| It was like a thousand things. | ||
| I didn't even know I was withdrawing, like I said, until I did the knee surgery, and something happened with my heart. | ||
| And one of the doctors came in, and we started talking, and he kept looking at me weird. | ||
| He was a Spanish dude. | ||
| And I fucking, he gave me his card, and I called him when I got out, and he goes, come see me. | ||
| Something wasn't right that night. | ||
| And he did a physical, and I went back to see him, blood, that type of shit, and he goes, everything was right, you know, everything was okay. | ||
| I don't know, he put me on a heart monitor, and he goes, your heart's fine. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| And his assistant said, are you still taking the Xanax? | ||
| And I go, yeah. | ||
| And she goes, that's what's going on with you. | ||
| Look at the charts, Doc. | ||
| He's been on them since 2012. And I go, no. | ||
| I've just been using them since the pandemic started. | ||
| And that's when she goes, no, you've got to stop withdrawing. | ||
| I didn't even know. | ||
| I just had a horrible fucking feeling. | ||
| How long do you think it takes when you're on those things before you're addicted? | ||
| Two weeks, maybe. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, I didn't... | ||
| See, I would take them and then forget about them. | ||
| I would put them in my top pocket and then go to the store and not take them. | ||
| And then I would just wash them. | ||
| There was a lot of times I would take them, I would bring it with me in case I got, like, a little fucking, you know. | ||
| But, Joe, the funny thing about this, if I tell you, this goes back to when I was a kid in the simplest way. | ||
| You ready for this? | ||
| I was a little fucking fruitcake when I came from Cuba. | ||
| Do you know I sucked a pacifier after I was six? | ||
| So after, like, I was three, they took them away from you, but I'd hide them in strategic places. | ||
| And whenever shit got dange... | ||
| I'd go over suck it, put it down, and then I'd fucking go back to what was going on here. | ||
| So when I lived in 88th Street in New York City, my mom had a jukebox at the bar. | ||
| So every week, the guy comes in and he gives you the old 45s. | ||
| Is that what they're called? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| 45s? | ||
| So I don't know what they were. | ||
| They were all different types. | ||
| Spanish music, you know, black music, rock music. | ||
| My mother had a great taste in the jukebox. | ||
| So I would have fucking boxes of singles. | ||
| I lived on the third floor. | ||
| And if you go to 205 West, even today, you pull up to it, you'll see where I live, where I grew up right there on the third floor, but you'll see that there's like a parking garage there. | ||
| They never really... | ||
| It's like an old building. | ||
| Now it's redone again. | ||
| They did something. | ||
| When we were kids, we played back there. | ||
| So whenever I had anxiety, I would go upstairs to suck on the pacifier. | ||
| I wasn't cool enough to put him on the street yet. | ||
| Later in time, I would put him on the street and I would suck on him when I was playing basketball or something. | ||
| If they called a foul on me and I would panic, I would go upstairs and I had a window that they couldn't see from below because it was the back of the building. | ||
| So it was like an indentation and all our windows. | ||
| You can't see that from there. | ||
| So I would take those 45s and I would whip them. | ||
| They're like fucking boomerangs. | ||
| I would just sit there for 10 minutes and just whip them, whip them, whip them. | ||
| And I'd hear people downstairs, what the fuck? | ||
| Stop it, you fucking scumbag! | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| And then I'd run downstairs, and all these kids would be holding on to their heads and shit. | ||
| They're like, where'd you go? | ||
| And I go, I went upstairs to go to the bathroom. | ||
| You missed it. | ||
| The crazy guy's throwing records at us. | ||
| Do you know how long I did that for, Doug? | ||
| I did that for about a year. | ||
| I threw records at those motherfuckers. | ||
| I caught them. | ||
| I did so many things to those kids. | ||
| They never knew. | ||
| It was me. | ||
| But back to it, that's how I started going upstairs to suck on the pacifier. | ||
| So I always had something. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, I always had my little... | ||
| You wanted something to, like, help you out. | ||
| I always had something to smoothen the humps and the bumps. | ||
| I didn't know that shit existed. | ||
| I ate those when you did coke. | ||
| When you do coke, that's when people give you those things. | ||
| Oh, you're gonna have a hard-on, take two of these, and you'll get a hard-on, you'll fall asleep. | ||
| I never knew they were treated for anxiety or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| When you're on the street doing drugs, what they're treated for. | ||
| There's a lot of people with anxiety. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| And getting off of that seems like it's one of the worst things you get off imaginable. | ||
| No, man, because now I deal with it. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| No, I'm talking about the withdrawal, the shit you went through. | ||
| Oh, the withdrawals are horrible. | ||
| But it's funny now when I do shit, I always remember. | ||
| Like, I had to do something in the city a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I had to go for an audition. | ||
| As I was putting on my suit, I go... | ||
| Insert Xanax now. | ||
| This is when I would be put into Xanax. | ||
| My anxiety would start creeping up on me. | ||
| I'd lose my breath. | ||
| Like, my breath would go away from me. | ||
| And once I'd start panicking, forget... | ||
| I even had to take... | ||
| I would take in Xanax to go to jiu-jitsu for a while. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Because of my anxiety in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Now I have no anxiety in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Now I go to jiu-jitsu, I just get beat up. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I go in there and I breathe. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| So you have to work at anxiety. | ||
| You have to really breathe. | ||
| I did a lot of breath work. | ||
| I slept a lot. | ||
| I went back to my boulder roots and I meditated a little bit, which helps. | ||
| I don't get on the computer in the morning anymore. | ||
| That helps you a lot? | ||
| I fucking get a cup of coffee and I sit on my balcony and look at the mountains for 20-30 minutes. | ||
| We're in no rush. | ||
| We got nowhere to be. | ||
| I do a little grateful shit, what I'm grateful for. | ||
| I pray for you. | ||
| I pray for my friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't pray, but I hope everybody's alright. | |
| You know, I'm Cuban. | ||
| I got my little faults, but I'm still like that bolder Buddhist shit has always... | ||
| I can't cop to being a Buddhist, but sometimes I think about it, you know? | ||
| So before I do anything, I make sure I'm good in the mornings. | ||
| I'm grounded. | ||
| I used to get up and go around the fucking computer and start doing bong hits. | ||
| That ain't gonna do nothing. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You can't do that shit. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| And this is what you were saying before. | ||
| As you get older, you start learning about what works, and you try to share it with people. | ||
| You're like, listen, man, don't get up anymore and put that TV on. | ||
| And don't get up and open that fucking computer. | ||
| Save yourself. | ||
| I realized something else. | ||
| For the last year, I've been eating a fruit bowl for breakfast. | ||
| Every morning. | ||
| Raspberries, bananas, pears, cherries, whatever. | ||
| Whatever I could get on. | ||
| Guess what now? | ||
| I don't need sugar at night. | ||
| Is that the weirdest thing? | ||
| Even when I get... | ||
| I can smoke 15 joints. | ||
| I don't need sugar at night no more. | ||
| Because I got rid of that sugar crave in the morning, I think. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, it's definitely the healthiest way to get sugar. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think anybody says fruit's bad for you. | ||
| They do. | ||
| It's like, for who? | ||
| Yeah, fruit. | ||
| Fruit's great. | ||
| Listen, if you take 22 aspirins a day, you're going to die. | ||
| But one aspirin ain't going to fucking kill you. | ||
| Two apples ain't going to fucking kill you. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Joe, I've got to wrap this up. | ||
| We've got to get out of here. | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| Got a dinner. | ||
| We just got here. | ||
| No, it's already 4.30. | ||
| It's 4.30? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| I'm not going to see you? | ||
| Oh, you're going to see me in a couple of hours. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Who's coming tonight? | ||
| Who's doing the show with us? | ||
| Russell's here? | ||
| Russell's here. | ||
| Tony, Brian Simpson, Ahsan Ahmaud. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You and me. | ||
| Ron White. | ||
| Ron might come down. | ||
| Ron was sick. | ||
| He's been sick for a couple days. | ||
| Hopefully he's feeling better. | ||
| I'll call him up. | ||
| He looks good, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Duncan? | ||
| Call Duncan up. | ||
| I'd love to see him. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I want to thank Laughing Gas. | ||
| They send you a bag. | ||
| Oh, Christina's coming down tonight, too. | ||
| Christina's coming down? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Good to see her. | ||
| What do you call her? | ||
| Christina P. Okay. | ||
| I'll call her Christine. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I know it's one of those that she gets pissed off at. | ||
| I don't know what her name is. | ||
| Yeah, she don't like what I mean. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you. | |
| Thank you very much for having me on. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And everybody, tremendous. | ||
| The book is out May 5th. | ||
| May 2nd. | ||
| May 2nd. | ||
| Pre-order Amazon, Barnes& Noble, thrift.com, and you save no delivery charge. | ||
| You go on thriftbooks.com or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Bye. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I love you, too. | ||
| Appreciate you having me. | ||
| Appreciate you being a staple. | ||
| We're going to have fun tonight. |
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