Nov. 2, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:14:27
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| I'm really excited. | ||
| I'm really excited about feeling alcohol. | ||
| You haven't had any yet? | ||
| I haven't had any. | ||
| No. | ||
| Really? | ||
| We're up. | ||
| Alright, here it is. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| I haven't had any. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| No alcohol to now. | ||
| 31 days. | ||
| Gentlemen, we fucking did it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| To all you out there, too, who did it with us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Salud. | |
| Cheers. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| Baby, let's see what you're playing. | ||
| Ooh, that's good scotch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| That's... | ||
| 21-year-old Glenlivet. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Very nice. | ||
| Like a gentleman over here with cigars. | ||
| 21 years. | ||
| We got old whiskey. | ||
| We all got new shirts. | ||
| It's a fucking great day. | ||
| We all got new non-promotional shirts. | ||
| I just had these in my closet. | ||
| Nothing to do with my special coming out today. | ||
| The special that comes out today. | ||
| It comes out today? | ||
| Today. | ||
| It's on YouTube, which is the only place to release the special these days. | ||
| Unless you're getting... | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Thanks, buddy. | ||
| Congratulations, Ari. | ||
| Thanks, guys. | ||
| Thank you, for real. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| And it's great shit, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Watching you work at it so fucking studiously and so disciplined, it was really cool to see. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| And I think it's your best work, ever. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| It's rock solid, dude. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| That set that I saw you do at the Creek in the Cave, it's so well put together. | ||
| It's thematic, but it's not. | ||
| It's just a club special. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking great, dude. | ||
| I saw you run that a while ago, and I remember I hit you up like, you gotta shoot this. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. | ||
| You have to shoot it. | ||
| Fucking world shutdown. | ||
| Yeah, well, you wait, world restarts, and now you're releasing it, and it's gonna be even better. | ||
| I think it's better now. | ||
| Yeah, I think so, too. | ||
| It's weird when I put stuff away, you get back to it after a year and a half. | ||
| You know, when you see a shirt you haven't seen in a while, and you're like, oh, I love this! | ||
| It's like when I saw it the other way, I was like, oh, these setups are way too long. | ||
| Yeah, so you actually made it much better. | ||
| Yeah, for real. | ||
| That's always how it happens, though. | ||
| That fucking quote that you always had on your laptop is such a great quote. | ||
| The first draft of everything is shit. | ||
| The first draft of anything is shit. | ||
| Hemingway. | ||
| Such a great quote. | ||
| Hemingway's a bad bitch. | ||
| He knew how to name a special. | ||
| Or not, a book. | ||
| It was Bill Hemingway. | ||
| It's his cousin. | ||
| Hey, where's the fucking booze? | ||
| The booze? | ||
| Already? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| And we're back! | ||
| It's in front of your face. | ||
| November. | ||
| You downed it already? | ||
| It's gone, baby. | ||
| It's a 21-year-old scotch. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's so smooth. | ||
| People died to bring this here. | ||
| I feel like it's World War II. What a smell. | ||
| Is that a Scotland and a family's butthole? | ||
| Did you say that you did sip that? | ||
| I sipped it. | ||
| It was fucking beautiful. | ||
| It tastes like syrup. | ||
| With a fucking... | ||
| Slurpee straw. | ||
| We were talking about that video, about you never quitting drinking, about how goddamn inspiring that is. | ||
| Jack Osborne hit me up last night. | ||
| Jack, I hope you're cool with this. | ||
| And he was like, I've been sober 19 years, and I just watched this video. | ||
| I've never wanted to drink more in my life. | ||
| And I should watch it right now to fire myself up for getting fucking wasted. | ||
| Dude, let me tell you something. | ||
| I will never quit drinking. | ||
| Who's that guy? | ||
| I will never quit drinking. | ||
| I will always make sure that I can keep my body healthy enough so that I can always drink. | ||
| I love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail, seeing a sunset with a cocktail, having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine, getting on a plane. | ||
| Can I get you something? | ||
| Double Jack on the rocks. | ||
| Lots of rocks. | ||
| I love the moment someone says, hey, we should get a drink. | ||
| And you're not supposed to. | ||
| That's like your first kiss. | ||
| You don't get that first kiss when you're married. | ||
| You get to have those first drinks. | ||
| At a brunch, someone goes, should we do mimosas? | ||
| And the waiter goes, actually, we have bottomless mimosas. | ||
| And you're like, this is going to be the best day ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, you just hype me the fuck up. | |
| You just hype me up, bro. | ||
| That was like a locker room speech. | ||
| Dude, ah, fucking yes! | ||
| You're back. | ||
| Yes, I'm back, and it feels so good, like a warm blanket that you grew up with. | ||
| But it also felt good to be sober, you were saying. | ||
| It felt fucking amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It felt amazing, and they both feel amazing. | ||
| But it's like for you, more than anybody I know, this is part of your identity. | ||
| But it is, as much as it is, the average dude. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I mean, look, I think that's not true. | |
| That's not true. | ||
| That is a false statement. | ||
| Fact checkers on Twitter disagree with that statement. | ||
| Across the board, fact checkers have a problem with that. | ||
| The government fact checking is going to have an issue with it. | ||
| It might shut down my podcast. | ||
| My identity is, my thing is life, is living. | ||
| Pow! | ||
| I like to live. | ||
| I'm like most people. | ||
| No, but I like to live life. | ||
| I like to feel it. | ||
| I like to go after it. | ||
| I like to feel it. | ||
| I like spontaneity. | ||
| I love not knowing. | ||
| I love the gamble. | ||
| I love all of it. | ||
| And I fucking love the feeling when you get a text from you and you're like, hey, what are you doing today? | ||
| You want to go podcast? | ||
| And you're like, come on over. | ||
| We'll get fucking wasted. | ||
| It's the fucking greatest. | ||
| It hasn't hit me yet. | ||
| I'm waiting for it to fucking cover me. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| It's nice to be away from it, but it's nice to be back at it. | ||
| The thing with marijuana with me is writing. | ||
| I was telling you today, like, it's the first day I did my routine, which is either in the morning, I usually get up early, everybody goes to school, and I fucking spark up. | ||
| I spark up and I write. | ||
| Is that pretty routine for you? | ||
| It has been. | ||
| It was for the last few months before October. | ||
| Yeah, the morning... | ||
| I used to do it late at night after shows, and I still do, but there's a thing where I'm tired. | ||
| Late at night after shows, I force myself to write, but I don't think it's as good. | ||
| I think in the morning, sometimes I have some of my best ideas. | ||
| Your brain's so rested. | ||
| Sorry, Tom. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| When you do that, because I don't do that, when you do that and you start writing, is your mindset in this, I'm writing material? | ||
| Or is it literally just stream of consciousness, whatever comes out? | ||
| It's stream of consciousness about subjects. | ||
| Okay, so you bring up topics? | ||
| Yeah, like today I did. | ||
| Luckily, I had an idea that I wanted to fuck with. | ||
| And so then once I start writing, I'm not writing, because if I write within the confines of this has to be material, it'll be too constrained. | ||
| I'm like, I've got to set up punchlines, set up punchlines. | ||
| Right, because then it feels like it So it could literally be something like a topic? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I just write almost like an essay. | ||
| But I'll repeat myself over and over again in the essay. | ||
| I'll start again. | ||
| I'll start with the subject this way, and I'll go, you know, one more time. | ||
| I'll try it this way again. | ||
| And then I'll do it again, and I'm just trying to extract stuff. | ||
| Because ideally you want to get to every piece of it that you think about. | ||
| Like South Park where they'll cover all sides. | ||
| I think Carlin wrote like that. | ||
| I get seeds that way. | ||
| And then those seeds I bring on stage and they walk out there like Bambi on Ice. | ||
| They're all fucking wobbly and shit. | ||
| But if I just stick with them, eventually I know the process. | ||
| It'll become one of my best bits. | ||
| As long as I'm being honest. | ||
| There's some bits I've just had to abandon. | ||
| You have to suffer if it's suffering. | ||
| You have to sit through the suffering. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| But then sometimes you gotta go, this one's never gonna work. | ||
| Do you find yourself veering away from anything personal when you start writing? | ||
| Do you do topic? | ||
| Or do you find yourself like, because I'm mostly story-based, so I'm trying to mine shit that's happened to me. | ||
| You get a story and you're like, now let me really think about it. | ||
| Lately, there's been so much confusion in the world, politically and culturally. | ||
| It's kind of easy to have things to talk about, but hard to figure out how to make them unique and funny. | ||
| You know, like, you don't want the same hot take that everybody has. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You want to figure out, like, what is it about this that's weird to me? | ||
| And how do I make this into an idea that's funny? | ||
| It's like I always said that when I first started out, all I wanted to do was get laughs. | ||
| So comedy was just like a tool. | ||
| It was like a ruler or a hammer or a screwdriver. | ||
| I was just trying to make it work. | ||
| And then I was like, what do I think is funny? | ||
| Let me make stuff that I would actually go to see, because some of my stuff I didn't think was funny. | ||
| I was just doing it because it got laughs. | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So wait, you were... | ||
| Because... | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Am I hearing this right? | ||
| So that's a very funny premise that you write, you get up on stage for the first time, and all of a sudden you go... | ||
| Oh, shit, I have a hammer. | ||
| But now you're using a hammer to get a screw out of a wall, using a hammer to get, like, you only get a couple tools and you're using them for everything. | ||
| And the better you get, the more tools you get. | ||
| And you're like, oh, shit, I can use this screwdriver just for unscrewing screws. | ||
| Yeah, but it's more of like I started writing comedy that I would think was funny, that I would laugh at. | ||
| Whereas I wasn't doing that at first. | ||
| I don't think you could actually end up failing if you stick to that. | ||
| Yeah, if you just do stuff that you think is funny. | ||
| If you think that's funny. | ||
| That took a while for me to figure out, though. | ||
| It took me a while to figure out that I was getting laughs with stuff that I wouldn't pay to see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I was like, oh, I've just got, like, tools that I'm trying to, like, force onto people. | ||
| You were flying, like, a really old set, and you're like, ah! | ||
| Oh, I got some sets from, like, 93. They're deaf. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You should post them. | ||
| Fucking deaf. | ||
| Well, there's one that's out there, the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's death. | ||
| It's young, cute me, deaf, so dumb. | ||
| I'm so dumb. | ||
| I'm dumb now, but I was really dumb then. | ||
| But it's just, then I figured out how to do things that I would laugh at. | ||
| And that was like right around the time I was figuring that out. | ||
| And then it's figuring out like, don't just accept it the way it is. | ||
| Edit that shit down. | ||
| Trim it up. | ||
| Rework it. | ||
| Try it a different way. | ||
| Figure out a way. | ||
| And one of the things that I learned over the pandemic is like, You give a bit two years, or you give a special two years, it's gonna be pretty good. | ||
| Give a special four years, like, it's better. | ||
| Five and a half years, Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube right now. | ||
| Oh, what's this? | ||
| That's a coincidence. | ||
| We all are, we're wearing Ari Shafir Jew shirts. | ||
| It was wild that you guys all showed up on that. | ||
| If only if this was a hot topic right now. | ||
| I would be a hot topic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just making them overnight on the fucking cheapest shit I could. | |
| Do you think people would be mad at us non-Jews wearing this? | ||
| Is this an issue? | ||
| Well, we have your support. | ||
| For now. | ||
| They don't really... | ||
| They'll turn on us if it has to. | ||
| They don't really claim me as one of their brightest. | ||
| This isn't going to be the maddest they get about this podcast. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Nah, we're starting fires we can't put out, guys. | ||
| Yeah, we're fine. | ||
| Hey, tell me about your special. | ||
| Starting fires we can't put out. | ||
| Yeah, you'll see. | ||
| That's my business model. | ||
| Starting fires we can't put out. | ||
| That's all I've ever done. | ||
| It's a good name for a special, too. | ||
| That's why I'm number one. | ||
| That's not an accident. | ||
| Just keep moving. | ||
| CNN can't never not keep moving. | ||
| You should do a podcast with Kanye. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| I'm on CNN. I would love to. | ||
| I would tell him, like, dude, listen, I know you're up to something. | ||
| So, like, I'm not gonna attack you. | ||
| I'm not gonna claim you're crazy. | ||
| What you got, bro? | ||
| You're an artist. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I'm not even following it that closely, so I know that he's saying, like, crazy stuff. | ||
| I listen to Lex Friedman and him. | ||
| It's not fascinating to me, so I just tap out pretty quick. | ||
| Well, Kanye, this is the way I've described it, and I'm going to describe it in the most charitable way possible. | ||
| The same thing that makes him a great artist. | ||
| He's like, boom, bam, boom! | ||
| It's like one thing to another, and every rap flows with the fucking beat, and it's so catchy, it's so good, and he's in full control. | ||
| He's on the throttle, he's working the blinkers, he's got the brakes, he's shifting gears. | ||
| He's a musical genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a genius. | |
| He's a genius. | ||
| When you apply that same thing to conversation, you want to dominate the conversation, you want to enforce what you're saying, and then try to figure out a way to make what you're saying valid, even if it's not. | ||
| You're wrestling with your initial idea that you put out there, and then you're experiencing pushback. | ||
| You don't like it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just put it to a fucking beat, dude. | ||
| Give us what we want. | ||
| All he did was make bangers for forever. | ||
| Just put it to a fucking beat. | ||
| Have you ever heard Black Skinhead? | ||
| It's one of the greatest songs of all time. | ||
| Dude, N-Words in Paris? | ||
| What's that word? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He made a rap through a fucking wired up jaw. | |
| The thing is, everything he's like touched that is creative. | ||
| Also like clothing, right? | ||
| So like his design. | ||
| The Kanye hoodie, the Gap collab Kanye hoodie is the greatest thing I've ever put on my tits. | ||
| It is fucking phenomenal. | ||
| Yeezy's fucking phenomenal. | ||
| They're disgusting. | ||
| They're so comfortable. | ||
| They glorify Crocs. | ||
| They're so fucking comfortable. | ||
| The 350s are super. | ||
| Kanye's a fucking genius, and then you watch him with Lex Friedman, and I feel bad for him because I feel like he's a dumb girl trying to fight. | ||
| He makes some good points, though. | ||
| Where he's like, no! | ||
| Okay, first of all... | ||
| We are annoying. | ||
| Second of all... | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a good bit. | |
| Please tell me you do this on your special on YouTube. | ||
| Please open with this tonight. | ||
| By the way, you realize how many people are going to be Googling the word Jew on YouTube? | ||
| Please open with this tonight. | ||
| Oh my god, you have Jew 2 now because of Kanye. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Jew 2 coming 2026. You should do a post just about how right he is. | ||
| But when he says, my bank dropped me because of what I said, and they kept fucking Jeffrey Epstein? | ||
| There's not some hypocrisy there? | ||
| Well, I think now they're being forced to be publicly accountable to something that's very public. | ||
| They're going to drop Jeffrey Epstein finally? | ||
| Finally. | ||
| But it's something that's very public, right? | ||
| When things become very public, it becomes a problem for them. | ||
| That's very public. | ||
| You know, I was talking with Tony about Adidas. | ||
| Like, Adidas was started by Nazis. | ||
| IBM? And Adidas. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I got Adidas. | ||
| You know, their brother, they split up. | ||
| Adidas? | ||
| Yeah, started by Nazis? | ||
| Two brothers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Two brothers, yeah. | ||
| They were, like, legit Nazis. | ||
| Dude, uh... | ||
| Who's the... | ||
| Adidas, he started Adidas, and his brother started Puma. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Puma? | ||
| Whose brother? | ||
| Adidas. | ||
| Is there a single sneaker that you could buy that's fucking 100% made in America? | ||
| Conflict freak. | ||
| No, not a made in America. | ||
| What about New Balance? | ||
| Tom's of Maine? | ||
| I think that is American made. | ||
| I think New Balance might be. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| My favorite Miss Patrick was after Black Lives Matter and everybody's like yelling and screaming. | ||
| She goes, calm down white people. | ||
| Ain't nobody trying to take your New Balance. | ||
| I saw David Lucas fuck around with an audience. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| We're proud to be the only major company to make or assemble more than four million pairs of athletic footwear per year in the USA. I saw that in flip-flops. | ||
| Which represents a... | ||
| But hold on. | ||
| There's a word. | ||
| There's a word. | ||
| Represents a limited portion of our... | ||
| But there's a word in there. | ||
| It's a little bit of a problem. | ||
| That's assemble. | ||
| The assembled parts, that's a little problem, because that might mean they get parts from overseas, and they're assembling in the United States. | ||
| To make or assemble more than four years. | ||
| Because there's a lot of shit that's hard to get in the United States. | ||
| How about that second one? | ||
| What sneakers are made in the United States? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| New Balance, Adidas. | ||
| Oh, these are like a specific actual shoe. | ||
| Adidas best road running shoes. | ||
| They're made in America. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Right, but the thing is, like, when they say made in America, do they just mean assembled? | ||
| Like, where are the parts coming from? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Like, Origin is a company that I work with that makes American – it's Jocko's company. | ||
| They make American-made jeans, American-made jujitsu geese, American-made boots. | ||
| But even the American-made boots, everything that you can get is American-made except one thing you can't get that's from South America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What is that? | ||
| It's like there's a part of the sole, like the base. | ||
| It's going to be the sole. | ||
| It's going to be the one part where it's going to cost some money. | ||
| No, it's not like the actual sole itself. | ||
| It's like the middle layer. | ||
| It's like there's a hard leather middle layer, you know, where the sole... | ||
| They're doing their best, at least. | ||
| Yeah, they're doing the... | ||
| What's it called, buddy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Midsole. | |
| No, but that's the insole. | ||
| No, that's the insole. | ||
| There's an insole. | ||
| I don't think they're calling it that, though. | ||
| It might be that, but it's a hard... | ||
| They have it on their website. | ||
| They're very transparent about it. | ||
| There's this one thing that said, as soon as we can source this in America, we'll make it 100% American. | ||
| But their jujitsu gis, their clothing, everything they make, all the stitches, all the people making it, all the cloth, it's manufactured here, it's put together here. | ||
| That's not common. | ||
| It's like most of the stuff they're getting from the cheapest places they can get it, and that's not necessarily America. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| And every Nike's made, basically, overseas. | ||
| Yeah, but wouldn't it be a fucking great market for a really good sneaker that's 100% made in America? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's Under Armour stuff made? | |
| If you build it that way, yeah. | ||
| Hold on, hold on. | ||
| There's a reason they're not doing it. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's going to cost us fucking $25,000. | ||
| But there's a market of people who would pay it. | ||
| Yeah, but people would pay it. | ||
| I think if you just made it a little bit more expensive to give people a good- There's a percentage of people that are like, I'll spend a little more to claim to myself that I supported America. | ||
| Right, especially if it was made better. | ||
| If you could show that it's made better. | ||
| You gotta do what Elon did. | ||
| Elon made... | ||
| I mean, I'm not... | ||
| I'm regurgitating facts, but he made being environmental sexy. | ||
| Like, he made the Tesla sexy. | ||
| People want it because they want it. | ||
| I went to see Al Gore speak once, and he said... | ||
| He talked about businesses, and he said... | ||
| He said... | ||
| Most... | ||
| Business owners will do what's right for the environment if you can cost you less than 10% more. | ||
| And so we gotta figure out a way to make it cost them just slightly more. | ||
| There was a minute where American Apparel was hot, and that was like all in L.A. You know, and then the company, the guy... | ||
| It's because the guy got weird. | ||
| He got weird as fuck. | ||
| That's what happens when you get all that cheddar. | ||
| You get all that cheddar, and that was like... | ||
| Did you ever tell you I went into those warehouses? | ||
| No. | ||
| In LA? Yeah. | ||
| You see the slaves? | ||
| We were doing Fear Factor. | ||
| Women slaves? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| I was joking. | ||
| Yeah, listen. | ||
| We were doing Fear Factor. | ||
| So we're working in this downtown LA building of warehouses. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's the weirdest setup. | ||
| One floor would be entirely abandoned and broken down and nothing. | ||
| Wires hanging from the ceiling, windows all blown out. | ||
| You go up one stair, you go up one stairway through one door, and all of a sudden there's a working factory. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| This is wild shit. | ||
| Like downtown LA, this was way before everybody knew what Skid Row was. | ||
| Well, most people in LA knew of Skid Row, but it wasn't like a shantytown that expanded out through Santa Monica and Venice and all the wild shit they're dealing with now. | ||
| That existed when we were filming Fear Factor. | ||
| So we would go to these warehouses and I went into one of them and it was where they made American Apparel. | ||
| And so we go up the stairs and you're seeing like a sweatshop. | ||
| But it's in America, and you're seeing people, they're all speaking Spanish, there's all Mexican music, you know, like, people are talking in Spanish, and they're from wherever they got to there, and now they're working here, and you're like, whoa! | ||
| Look, at least they're protected by American laws. | ||
| They're getting American wages. | ||
| And I mean, there's no saying that they weren't doing that. | ||
| But it was weird. | ||
| It's like you walked into another country. | ||
| Is it made in America? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But it's made in America by people who definitely didn't come from America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they should definitely have that opportunity to do that. | ||
| It's all beautiful and everything, but being in this weird downtown LA thing, you picture fucking red-headed dudes stitching together flannel shirts. | ||
| It is not that. | ||
| I remember buying American apparel for my shirt. | ||
| It costs two bucks more. | ||
| I'd be like, no, no, it's the right thing to do. | ||
| But on one side, yeah, it is good. | ||
| They do have to give these people whatever the wages are supposed to be, and they have to give them as long... | ||
| But it's weird when you see these factories. | ||
| You're like, wow, these people are humping. | ||
| That's now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's now. | ||
| You really time stamp something with masks. | ||
| Yeah, because it used to be, when you thought of people manufacturing things in a sweatshop, you feel like they're doing it against their will. | ||
| But if you got to America, if you snuck out of another country and got to America, that's a good job to get. | ||
| You can get a good job working in wherever, where you can actually bring home the kind of money that's impossible where you're from. | ||
| Joe used to have a good bit about it. | ||
| You shouldn't wear Nikes, because they only make a quarter an hour or something, like a quarter a day, and you're like, maybe you should move. | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How did it go? | |
| Something like that. | ||
| Your country sucks if you were going to make a quarter a day. | ||
| I don't remember how that joke went. | ||
| It was Joey's? | ||
| It was Joe Rogan's. | ||
| Oh, Joe's. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe you should quit. | ||
| Yeah, maybe you should ask for a raise. | ||
| That job sucks. | ||
| I don't know what to tell you, but I need a pair of sneakers. | ||
| They're 30 bucks, and I'm just gonna buy them. | ||
| So I'm gonna get some sneakers. | ||
| It was a cadence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I was like, I don't know what the fuck you want me to do. | ||
| Like, this is bigger than me. | ||
| I need sneakers. | ||
| What is the... | ||
| I need to fix the world. | ||
| Are sweatshops illegal? | ||
| In 2016, the DOL investigated 77 garment factories in Los Angeles who produce clothing for the aforementioned brands and found egregious labor violations in 85% of the factories it visited. | ||
| Pat yourselves on the back, Los Angeles. | ||
| You're really doing the right thing. | ||
| Forever 21, Ross and TJ Maxx have been major offenders in regards to utilizing sweatshops located in United States. | ||
| So that's what I saw. | ||
| Have you seen these sweatshops? | ||
| But again, I don't know what they were getting paid. | ||
| I don't know if there was any violations. | ||
| But you saw some shady surroundings. | ||
| It didn't look great. | ||
| The surroundings sucked. | ||
| The neighborhood sucked. | ||
| It was a weird mess of abandoned buildings and homeless people camped out. | ||
| I took a wrong turn and went down where Skid Row is. | ||
| I didn't try to drive down where all the tents and all the people were, but I passed by it. | ||
| And I got to see it. | ||
| I was like, this is madness. | ||
| And this is like, we're talking about like 2004 or something like that? | ||
| Do you remember when it was a block? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It was just there on the block. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was just that one area. | |
| And you're like, wow. | ||
| And then it just started spreading. | ||
| But it's still contained for a while. | ||
| Now it's Hollywood. | ||
| Yeah, dude, it is crazy that people are tolerant of that. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| It's kind of nice because you get to see people's true Republican come out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, when you push it. | ||
| Push it to what they're having to deal with. | ||
| These liberals... | ||
| I mean, look, I'm a liberal, obviously, but... | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| I mean, I'm fucking everyone. | ||
| You look like a goddamn redneck. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I look like a racist. | ||
| You definitely fall into what people would think. | ||
| Not a racist, but not a liberal. | ||
| You look like... | ||
| I look horrible. | ||
| You've had a Confederate flag t-shirt on at one point in your life. | ||
| At one point you were a Dukes of Hazzard fan. | ||
| You like Kid Rock. | ||
| At least you like Kid Rock. | ||
| We had a Leonard Skinner poster that was in our bathroom that was a tour poster that had a Confederate flag. | ||
| I didn't even realize it had it on. | ||
| I didn't even think of it. | ||
| It's just a Leonard Skinner tour poster with the Rolling Stones. | ||
| But it was a Confederate flag. | ||
| Yeah, it's everywhere. | ||
| There was one flying. | ||
| There's a couple flying on this tour outside of, you know, like in the proximity of the venue I'm playing. | ||
| We're like, is there anything like just flying? | ||
| How about the ones that are built into the state flag? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In there? | ||
| They still have that? | ||
| I think those are down. | ||
| Are they all gone? | ||
| I was just in, I think Mississippi's. | ||
| I feel like that's real recent. | ||
| There was one flying. | ||
| Six Flags Over Georgia got taken down. | ||
| Just flying high and proud. | ||
| It's fucking wild. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| But I mean, that's one of those things where you're like, it's just pride for the South. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, but it's the side that lost, that was in a war against the other side. | |
| Are you still harboring bad feelings? | ||
| Should we know something? | ||
| It's the side that lost. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| How do you get to keep your flag? | ||
| Well, not only that, no matter what... | ||
| It represents something. | ||
| It totally does. | ||
| Maybe you need a new one. | ||
| Maybe you need a new Southern pride, everybody, inclusive flag. | ||
| Unless you're lying to yourself about what the Civil War was about. | ||
| Because people do that. | ||
| What's about trade? | ||
| That was taught when I was in high school. | ||
| That was taught in high school. | ||
| It was not about slavery. | ||
| In my high school, they said it's not about slavery. | ||
| It was about trade. | ||
| It was about free market. | ||
| It was about taxes. | ||
| And it was only about slavery. | ||
| It was about slavery. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Absolutely. | |
| That's really what they taught us. | ||
| It was about trade and free gas. | ||
| It was 100%. | ||
| But then again, they also showed us a third trimester abortion in religion class. | ||
| Where they break the baby apart. | ||
| Where they break the baby apart. | ||
| And we're like fucking 15, 16. They show pussy and we go nuts. | ||
| We're like, yeah! | ||
| And then they started breaking a baby apart inside a woman and pulling it out. | ||
| And we were like, what the fuck? | ||
| Today you became a comic. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got my first 15 minutes. | |
| There's a story. | ||
| I was in high school. | ||
| Give me a notebook. | ||
| Next thing you know. | ||
| I was saying to Tom, though, today... | ||
| That's so gross. | ||
| That's so atrocious. | ||
| I've never had an abortion. | ||
| Imagine showing that to a kid and thinking that's the right way to handle it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, before their parents get to talk to them about it, like, you don't... | ||
| Like, do you have to sign a waiver? | ||
| You just traumatize the shit out of that. | ||
| Yeah, sign a waiver. | ||
| I gotta be honest with you. | ||
| I mean, I could call someone and find out exactly. | ||
| I want to say it was ninth grade, and I want to say they played it in English class. | ||
| I don't even think it was religion. | ||
| I think it was English. | ||
| That was a hungover teacher who was like, what am I allowed to... | ||
| I don't feel like it today. | ||
| What's on the list? | ||
| I want them to shut the fuck up. | ||
| There's also teachers that feel like they have to explain things to kids that the kids aren't learning from their parents. | ||
| And there's a good argument on both sides of that, right? | ||
| There's a good argument like, hey, I don't want you teaching my kids something that I don't want to teach them. | ||
| And then the other argument is, you know what, maybe it's the job of the educator to expose your kid to ideas that maybe they won't get at home. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to teach them math. | ||
| But it's like, at what point in time does he cross that line? | ||
| It's a valid discussion. | ||
| Yeah, it's a valid discussion. | ||
| It came up recently a lot, and it made me really think of it when they're like, I don't want my kids learning that. | ||
| All that whatever stuff. | ||
| And it was like, oh yeah, I guess you should have the right. | ||
| You kind of should, but also maybe not. | ||
| You know, the problem is, like, exposing people to only one narrow band of ideas, that doesn't seem fair to a kid either. | ||
| So, like, I think the kid should be exposed to as many ideas as possible, but from rational discussions, not from, like, propagandizing and, like, trying to push one thing or another. | ||
| And that's the problem when people differ ideologically, when people are on the right or people are on the left, and people think this or they think that. | ||
| If you force something that they don't believe on a kid, it's like, whose job is that? | ||
| You can learn about taxation without representation at school, and you go home to like a Jewish family, you learn there's no taxation. | ||
| There's no taxation? | ||
| Is that a Jew joke? | ||
| Are you wearing an Ari Shafir Jew shirt to represent your new special that's being released today? | ||
| It's on YouTube. | ||
| Just go there right now. | ||
| Just click on it once. | ||
| You'll really like it. | ||
| We went to a high school for Georgia when Georgia was looking at high schools and seemed cool. | ||
| And then all of a sudden one of the mom raises her hand and she goes, Hey, is it true that you make the children of color stand on chairs and make the white children sit on the ground and they can yell at them? | ||
| No. | ||
| And the lady goes, yeah, that is true. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| And is it true you do it to the boys, the boys sit down and the girls can yell horrific things at them? | ||
| This is 100% true. | ||
| And so that's where that line gets blurry. | ||
| Yeah, that's a school in L.A. It's a school in L.A. They have the children of color stand on chairs and yell slurs at the white kids. | ||
| And so that's where that line gets blurry. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, what wisdom is behind this decision? | ||
| What wisdom is behind this decision? | ||
| Like, why would you impose such a radical idea? | ||
| It's people running scared. | ||
| But it's not necessarily. | ||
| It's like, why do you think that you're so much smarter than everyone else that you could do that? | ||
| And that's going to equal equality. | ||
| That that's going to somehow equal equity. | ||
| That's going to somehow balance it out. | ||
| Do they have a tail at the end saying, this is why we're teaching this? | ||
| Even with a fucking tail at the end, you're introducing conflict. | ||
| When you should be exciting unity. | ||
| You know, you're supposed to be educating people, and you're making kids responsible for the sins of the past. | ||
| But also, I mean, like, I look back at that, watching that abortion, and I remember, I know for a fact, I won't say the guy's name, but I was really good friends with a guy, ended up in New York together. | ||
| And I said, that video really affected me. | ||
| It really affected me in a way that I know for a fact I would never get an abortion. | ||
| And my buddy was like, that's funny, I've had six. | ||
| It didn't bother me at all. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| He's like, I've been a part of six abortions. | ||
| That video did not affect me in the slightest. | ||
| So I think it's one of those things. | ||
| You're going to put a white kid on the floor and have people of color yell at that white kid... | ||
| And he may see that as complete bullshit and it may affect the one white kid where it lands. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| When we were leaving L.A., we had to check out schools because Ellis was getting ready to go into kindergarten. | ||
| And the kindergartens in this area were like, yeah, you know, he'll sign a racism pledge. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| To be? | ||
| Like, yeah, hopefully. | ||
| They're like, you know, like, I'm anti-race. | ||
| And I was like, he's five. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, we have all that going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's pre-race. | |
| I go, he doesn't, what are you talking about? | ||
| He's not even going to understand the concept of this shit. | ||
| He just figured out colors. | ||
| You're like, he doesn't know anything about this shit. | ||
| Now you want him to apply it to skin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's also like, there's zero racism in your household. | ||
| There's zero in the household, and the concept is even too rich for a child. | ||
| Not only is this, it's like he's not going to be exposed to it from you. | ||
| The fact that you impose one blanket way of approaching any social issue to all kids, like that, and then you're the one who gets to decide? | ||
| It's kind of like Pledge of Allegiance. | ||
| A racism pledge? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I also can't wait for that phone call. | ||
| He was racist today and he signed the document. | ||
| If we're going to do that, we should have all offenses, aggression. | ||
| All kids express aggression. | ||
| They all say mean things to each other. | ||
| They're testing it out. | ||
| They don't even know what a pledge is. | ||
| Also, it's part of learning how to communicate. | ||
| It shouldn't be encouraged. | ||
| It certainly should be admonished when kids step out of line. | ||
| But that's how they learn how to talk to each other. | ||
| I'm not saying this about racism, because racism is 100% learned, but aggression is a real problem with kids. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's a giant problem with kids. | ||
| They bully each other. | ||
| Yes, they bully each other. | ||
| They don't understand consequences. | ||
| And that is a big factor in why so many people are unhappy in life. | ||
| There's so many people that I've met that got fucking bullied in high school. | ||
| So they were tortured. | ||
| They were tortured for years. | ||
| And that shit scars you. | ||
| Even people that become really ultimately successful. | ||
| And kids don't know they're doing it while they're doing it. | ||
| They're doing it because it's a natural fucking primate behavior. | ||
| They don't know how to regulate their emotions. | ||
| You see it when they're really small. | ||
| Because my boys fuck each other up and everybody and everything all the time. | ||
| I'm imagining. | ||
| You're just always kicking at each other. | ||
| Yes, they get frustrated, and then all of a sudden it's just like, bam, back of the head, and you're like, what are you doing? | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| He's like, well, he took the thing out of my hand. | ||
| You're like, hey, you can't punch him in the back of the fucking head. | ||
| It's the limit. | ||
| You have to talk them through emotions. | ||
| What I'm saying is encouraging aggression in defense of racism, right? | ||
| So you're trying to stop racism. | ||
| To keep racism from happening, you're going to encourage people to be aggressive. | ||
| Encourage people to yell bad words and bad statements at people. | ||
| They just have to take it. | ||
| And they haven't done anything wrong? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Can I just devil's advocate? | ||
| You've got to think these are trained educators. | ||
| So, I mean, they gotta have thought of this a little. | ||
| Bro, that's not in a book somewhere. | ||
| This is somebody going, I know better. | ||
| That's someone stepping way out of line and imposing their own radical leftist idea. | ||
| And then no one could go, hey, I don't want to do that, because then you're like a bigot. | ||
| Well, my freshman year of Florida State... | ||
| Which freshman year? | ||
| My first one. | ||
| That was a good one. | ||
| That was a good one. | ||
| Year one of seven. | ||
| They brought, I want to say, racial tension. | ||
| It was 91, so there was racial tensions going on in the country. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Florida's so racist, dude. | ||
| But they brought the, and look, everyone's recollection is one thing. | ||
| This is 100% accurate. | ||
| Is that OJ? Right around OJ. Wait a minute, did you just say everyone's recollection is one thing, but this is 100% accurate? | ||
| Did you just really make that statement? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You fucking discredited your own statement before you said it. | ||
| They brought the black English class into the white English class. | ||
| Class. | ||
| Class. | ||
| Jesus, you're already drunk. | ||
| The white English. | ||
| I'm getting on my third. | ||
| And so they brought us in together, and they had us talk about our race relations. | ||
| And it was not the coolest, chill vibe. | ||
| All the white kids were like, oh, it's good to have you guys in here. | ||
| And all the black kids were like, these are our issues. | ||
| You guys get pens? | ||
| No, I mean, there was guys in there that were on the football team, and they were just like... | ||
| The one thing that stuck with me, I remember they were like, I can't believe you white kids just walk around this campus at night. | ||
| Just walk around and just walk. | ||
| And you're not worried about getting robbed or mugged. | ||
| What? | ||
| This is at FSU? At FSU. I remember I was with a chick and that's all we did, to go on walks at night. | ||
| And I was like, I don't want to see muggings anywhere. | ||
| And they saw muggings on campus? | ||
| Were they FAMU kids or FSU kids? | ||
| No, it was FSU. It was FSU. So there wasn't a big population of... | ||
| Because Florida State, or Tallahassee is a somewhat segregated town back when I was a kid. | ||
| Meaning FAMU is one college, which is all black, and then Florida State is another college, which was predominantly all white. | ||
| There was this one English class, and they brought us in. | ||
| And I remember one woman talking about slavery, and a girl said, I can't believe you guys are still talking about slavery. | ||
| And boom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| I'm talking. | ||
| I'm talking. | ||
| And by the way, they had us in a big circle. | ||
| They had us in a big circle. | ||
| There was a guy, I wish I could remember his name, he went to the pros. | ||
| Y'all bringing that up again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it was, it was. | |
| And that was when I realized... | ||
| As a fan of hip-hop and as a guy who had black friends growing up, that not all black guys loved all white guys. | ||
| Did you think that before? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| I was naive. | ||
| I didn't think anything about it. | ||
| And I remember there was one dude who was defensive end, and I remember him staring at me. | ||
| And I thought, you ever have someone stare at you and you're like, hey, what's up? | ||
| And you were like, oh, they're staring at me like they want to fuck me up. | ||
| And he was not cool with me. | ||
| And I remember when everything blew up, he was like, if I see you, I'm fucking you up. | ||
| And I was terrified because we all lived in the same dorm. | ||
| We all lived in Sally Dorman Hall. | ||
| What was he mad at you for? | ||
| Just being me. | ||
| And you're definitely going to see me. | ||
| I have a very punchable face. | ||
| I do not agree. | ||
| I do not agree. | ||
| There's a lot of people that... | ||
| I could give you some much better examples. | ||
| Punchable faces? | ||
| Punchable faces. | ||
| A lot more punchable faces. | ||
| Ryan Bader from the New York Yankees. | ||
| You said Ryan Bader. | ||
| I was like, do you not punch that guy? | ||
| Just a fucking Bellator heavyweight champion. | ||
| Ryan Bader's a fucking beast. | ||
| That's a terrible name to say because someone will send him that clip. | ||
| All apologies, Ryan Bader. | ||
| You have my favorite line about somebody almost getting punched. | ||
| Which is, I won't give away. | ||
| Yeah, don't give that away. | ||
| But that somebody was mouthy to somebody you were with who's a fighter. | ||
| And somebody's talking shit to a UFC fighter that Joe's with. | ||
| And then Joe's like, look, man, I know you've made a lot of mistakes in your life, but you're about to make a critical one. | ||
| Because this fucking UFC, I mean, if you talk shit to somebody like that who gets upset. | ||
| Let me just tell you what it is. | ||
| It was Leon Edwards. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some guy was talking shit to Leon Edwards. | |
| I said, you are making a critical mistake. | ||
| You don't have all the information. | ||
| Let me just step in right here. | ||
| First of all, you're out of line, and you're being a shithead to him for no fucking reason, and you're picking the wrong dude. | ||
| I'm like, that is one of the best fighters on planet Earth. | ||
| You know the Boss Ruten story? | ||
| The Boss Ruten story from Miami Dolphin? | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Who, Boss? | ||
| Yeah, it was some Miami Dolphin defensive, like a pro bowler. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Boss was there at a bar. | ||
| Boss stepped on his foot or something like that by accident. | ||
| Brian Urlacher. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brian Urlacher? | ||
| And he goes, I'm so sorry, man. | ||
| You know how those UFC fighters are so nice? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they know their power. | ||
| They're just so super apologetic about everything and just kind people. | ||
| He goes, oh, my bad. | ||
| I'm really sorry. | ||
| I didn't mean to step on your foot. | ||
| He goes, yeah, well, watch it. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| Boss is like, sure, okay, my bad. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, it is your bad. | ||
| He goes, alright, dude, well, I apologize again. | ||
| He goes, yeah, maybe that's not enough. | ||
| And Boss is like, I don't know what else you want me to do. | ||
| I'm sorry I stepped on your foot. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, should we do something about it? | ||
| And Boss is like, what do you mean? | ||
| He goes, you want to step outside? | ||
| And Boss is like, I mean, if you want to, we can step outside. | ||
| I don't think you want to. | ||
| And he goes, let's do it right now, then. | ||
| And they start going outside, and everybody in the way who knew was going, no! | ||
| Brian, no! | ||
| No! | ||
| Brian Erdiger. | ||
| The guy with the new hair? | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| He was going to step outside with Boss Rootin'. | ||
| If you don't know who Bas Rutten is, Bas Rutten was heavyweight champion. | ||
| He's one of the only guys to ever win a heavyweight title striking off of his back. | ||
| Like when Kevin Rademan would take him down, Bas was fucking him up from his back. | ||
| Like that was one of those things where a lot of people disagree with the decision. | ||
| No random one was on top. | ||
| No, but Boss was blasting him with elbows and punches from his back. | ||
| That open hand shit he would do to your core. | ||
| Dude, that was in Pancrace. | ||
| In Pancrace. | ||
| Open hand palm strikes. | ||
| He fucked people up with that. | ||
| He also beat Chiyoshi Kosaka when TK was in his prime. | ||
| Like, Boss Rutten was a fucking monster. | ||
| The truth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A monster. | |
| And I could see, too, how a guy like Erlacher, you know, you're like an all pro. | ||
| Boss is not that tall. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, it's such a mistake. | ||
| It'd be a really bad mistake. | ||
| He's so violent. | ||
| He's so violent. | ||
| He was one of the very first guys that, like, was a high-level striker that entered into any sort of mixed competition. | ||
| Like, there was a few guys. | ||
| There was Orlando Veet, who was in the early UFCs. | ||
| But Orlando, who was, like, a wicked Muay Thai fighter, he was small. | ||
| He was, like, 180 pounds. | ||
| So, like, to get someone who's, like, a really high-level guy that's, like... | ||
| Like a high-level striker that enters into MMA competition and he was just blasting people with kicks. | ||
| Fucking people's legs up. | ||
| He was fucking people up, man. | ||
| He was like an intelligent animal was the way I would describe him. | ||
| Because he was so aggressive. | ||
| Boss was so aggressive. | ||
| He had that like Holland style with like vicious power and he was just waylaying people. | ||
| Like, for that guy to do that to Boss Root and to ask him to go outside with him would have been one of the most horrendous disasters. | ||
| You just want to see it, though. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| If somebody had video footage of that, it would have ruined that dude's life. | ||
| Well, like, a more amateur version of it was that thing caught on video where that football player, I think it was in Oklahoma somewhere, is in that bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| Him and a guy who clearly, you see the ears on this dude. | ||
| Oh, that's the sign. | ||
| They didn't know back then. | ||
| Wait, you haven't seen this video? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-oh. | |
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Oh, you've seen it. | ||
| You haven't seen it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've seen it. | |
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What is it? | ||
| We played it? | ||
| Yeah, you played it. | ||
| Which one is it? | ||
| I want to see it so bad. | ||
| It's in a bathroom. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| It's an OU football player, and what happens is it... | ||
| No, it's there. | ||
| Oh, it's there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You see it right here. | ||
| And they're talking shit. | ||
| That's the football player on the left. | ||
| Oh, I have seen this. | ||
| Yeah, I remember this. | ||
| This is the guy who clearly trains. | ||
| I thought it was Ben Astro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of here! | |
| Oh yeah, I remember this. | ||
| He takes him down, dumps him on the ground. | ||
| He ripped his bicep. | ||
| He ripped his bicep doing that? | ||
| Yeah, he tore his bicep. | ||
| He tore his own bicep? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, because he's so big. | |
| But meanwhile, look, he's got his back and he's punched him in the face. | ||
| Yeah, and then he gets him into a choke. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| Protect the drink. | ||
| Yep, and he chokes and he's like, oh my god, that's incredible. | ||
| The dude's trying to punch him. | ||
| Those punches don't have power. | ||
| He's trying to punch him. | ||
| Now he's got him in like a half-assed Americana. | ||
| And that's his buddy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're brothers. | ||
| He's still on top of him. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the urine. | ||
| Oh, he stuck his head. | ||
| Because he got bullied. | ||
| It's just so righteous. | ||
| It's so righteous. | ||
| They're beating the fuck out of him. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Don't start fights if you don't know how to fight, man. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| It's big guy energy. | ||
| And I've seen it so much in my life. | ||
| Especially going to school like a school like Florida State, where a guy's just 6'3", and he decides, I have never had to worry about anyone. | ||
| He's Jiu-jitsu, it changed the fucking bully game. | ||
| You have to fear everyone. | ||
| Do you see that comment too where he goes like, he like licks the blood off his hands? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What about the hotel room? | ||
| The hotel hallway? | ||
| That's my favorite story ever. | ||
| Oh, the Tate story? | ||
| That's my favorite story ever. | ||
| That guy was such a fucking idiot. | ||
| Don't worry, he's been practicing. | ||
| He's gonna do one and then chug him out. | ||
| Yeah, so we're at this Hard Rock Hotel, and it's Tate, me, and Eddie Bravo. | ||
| And there's this really big dude. | ||
| And this really big dude is in the hallway, and he's like 6'6", big fucking athlete. | ||
| Obviously, everyone's scared of him. | ||
| And Tate's a big guy himself. | ||
| Tate fought on the Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| Tate's a legit Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. | ||
| So Tate's trying to get into his room, and his key's not working. | ||
| Something's wrong. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| No, Tate went inside. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Your rooms are connecting. | ||
| Our rooms are connected. | ||
| So Tate goes to the room, and then the guy is trying to use his key on Tate's door. | ||
| And he's saying, you're in my fucking room. | ||
| And Tate's like, nah, man, I'm pretty sure it's my room. | ||
| Look, key works. | ||
| Calm. | ||
| Tate's sober at the time. | ||
| Yeah, Tate's totally sober. | ||
| It's always sober. | ||
| And the guy's like... | ||
| No, fuck you, man. | ||
| You're in my room. | ||
| Kate's like, I don't know what to tell you. | ||
| This is my room. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| And he shuts the door. | ||
| And so our rooms are connected. | ||
| We have the door open. | ||
| And this guy's pounding on the door. | ||
| Like fuck and so we all three of us go out in the hallway with Tate So it's me and Eddie Bravo and Tate and this big fucking guy and his two dopey friends and his two dopey friends don't know what to do and this guy's gigantic and In he says something like I'll fuck you up and this now I go dude I go you're making a fucking tremendous mistake here And we just step back, and then he tries to get out of it. | ||
| And then Eddie's like, man, you said you were going to do something. | ||
| Fucking do something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eddie literally causes the guy to come back out. | |
| So this dumb guy comes back out, and he literally steps to Tate like he's going to take a swing at him. | ||
| Tate grabs him, pulls guard, puts him in an omoplata. | ||
| Security guard shows up. | ||
| The security is like, hey, stop, stop, stop. | ||
| And he goes, are you Joe Rogan? | ||
| I go, yeah, what's up? | ||
| How you doing, man? | ||
| I go, don't worry. | ||
| I go, he's not going to hurt him. | ||
| I go, he's just going to strangle him unconscious and put him to sleep. | ||
| And so Tate goes, well, now I guess I have to put him to sleep. | ||
| So Tate transitions from an omoplata to a rear naked choke with the omoplata. | ||
| So an omoplata is a shoulder lock and it's a shoulder lock where your arm is like really high up behind your back and the guy's legs are wrapped around it. | ||
| So Tate is wrapped around it like this and he has access to the guy's neck. | ||
| So he just grabs his neck and he puts him to sleep. | ||
| Puts him to sleep out cold. | ||
| The dude goes out. | ||
| His friends pick him up. | ||
| They drag him into an elevator and he just disappears from life. | ||
| Just gone. | ||
| Yeah, that's not like the best version of an omoplata. | ||
| It's the best to see it. | ||
| You can see it right there, but from what that position, like Tate has his legs crossed, like he's got a lot of weight on him, and then he just strangles his neck. | ||
| So Tate leans forward from there. | ||
| So with the omoplata still in? | ||
| Yes, with the omoplata still in. | ||
| He let go of the omoplata to put him to sleep. | ||
| Tate was in Colorado at my Red Rock show, and we're hanging out partying late one night. | ||
| Tate's sober, obviously. | ||
| And I said, Tate, can you tell that story? | ||
| So Leanne's there. | ||
| Everyone's around me. | ||
| He starts telling the story. | ||
| And he goes, you know, I listened to you tell it on Joe, and there's some parts that are very interesting that you're not leaving into the story. | ||
| I said, what? | ||
| He says, I was practicing on my transition from omoplata to rear naked choke. | ||
| And so I was like, oh, I've been working on this. | ||
| It should be fun to work on a guy that has never done one. | ||
| He used to tackle something. | ||
| So he's like, oh, cool, I got it! | ||
| Dude, to see Tate pull, he was like, I can't tackle this guy because there's a plate glass window behind him. | ||
| He goes, we're in this elevator lobby area. | ||
| He goes, I'm just going to pull guard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, he just fucking pulled guard. | |
| He just got on his back and cinched at him? | ||
| So he just grabbed the guy and pulled him on top of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And then immediately laced his leg over his arm and had this guy face forward, fucked on the carpet. | ||
| At what point does guy go from, I got him, to, wait, what's he doing? | ||
| Well, Tate never hurt him. | ||
| He never hurt him. | ||
| He never punched him. | ||
| He didn't beat him up. | ||
| He didn't do anything to him. | ||
| He just put him to sleep. | ||
| And then they woke him up. | ||
| Because all it does is, like, shut off your... | ||
| It's like pinching a garden hose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Cuts off the water. | ||
| Brain goes out. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| The guy's like, what the fuck? | ||
| His friends just put him in the elevator. | ||
| Took him out. | ||
| And they apologized. | ||
| They're like, sorry, my friend's an asshole. | ||
| I go, sorry, brother. | ||
| Have a nice day. | ||
| Tate was the king to it at the old bomb squad. | ||
| If somebody went too hard during training and they're threatening to injure people, just like, hey, dude, we're just rolling here. | ||
| We're just learning. | ||
| Yeah, bring in the giant. | ||
| Eddie would go, hey, Tate, roll with this guy now. | ||
| And he'd look at him for an extended second. | ||
| Tate was loud and clear. | ||
| Tate is the guy they hire to be the scariest guy in the fucking movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When they're like, yo, we need to get to the point where we think that, not Wesley Snipes, who's, look at Tate. | ||
| Bro, there's a scene, he's in John Wick. | ||
| He's in John Wick. | ||
| He's in that wild scene in the disco. | ||
| Yeah, he gets killed. | ||
| But he's in that wild scene in the disco where all the Russian killers are coming after John Wick and he's got to take them all out. | ||
| He's about to get stabbed right there. | ||
| He fights Denzel Washington in the, whatchamacallit, and he's the guy where they go, clearly this is the guy that's going to kill the guy. | ||
| And he ends up dying. | ||
| Isn't it hilarious Hollywood where Denzel Washington can beat up Tate Fletcher? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hilarious. | |
| It's funny that my daughters met Tate. | ||
| Tate's girlfriend, Lacey, is my trainer. | ||
| And so she's a part of our family. | ||
| And my daughters love Lacey. | ||
| And Tate comes over and introduces himself, and my daughters are mesmerized. | ||
| They're like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| That's our boy. | ||
| He's a good man. | ||
| He was also the king, while we were in the road, the king of just grabbing me in the lobby of a hotel near couches and stuff. | ||
| I'm like, dude, this is not even a mat! | ||
| There's odd shapes here. | ||
| It's underspoken how much Like, the work Tate does in movies as a fight guy. | ||
| We just saw the one with Denzel on the bus the other night. | ||
| How much work goes into that? | ||
| Because it's... | ||
| Next up, it's the reason I had to get surgery. | ||
| You can't just show up in a movie and be like, I'm a fight guy. | ||
| You need to know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| Because else you have to do extended stuff to look like you're fighting. | ||
| That's Keith Jardine, too, it looked like. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it Keith in this too? | ||
| They're a lot of the same stuff. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It's Tate. | ||
| Tate gets killed by John Wick. | ||
| That movie was so brutal. | ||
| That was what got me through our Sober October competition. | ||
| I watched John Wick 50 times in a row once. | ||
| The day I did like seven hours with an elliptical machine. | ||
| Stallone just came out and said that one of his big regrets, he's like, don't do your own stunts. | ||
| He regulated it tremendously. | ||
| He broke his neck. | ||
| Stallone has his neck fused from the Expendables. | ||
| He was doing the Expendables when he's like fucking 60. Nobody gives a shit if you do your own stunts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's about to be a 22 year. | |
| Can I tell you that to this day Anthony Bourdain asked for a beer once on the first show we did and I didn't realize that that's what he was asked for because in the middle of talking to him and I regret it. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| I realized it later. | ||
| It bothers me that much. | ||
| Wait, what do you mean? | ||
| He's like looking at his beer. | ||
| His beer was empty and I didn't get him another beer. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Still bothers me. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I know. | |
| Weird shit like that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sticks with you forever. | ||
| Like, I should have got a beer, but I was in the middle of talking, and I was like, is that what he wants? | ||
| Oh, man, he didn't want a beer. | ||
| He's just like, what do I do now? | ||
| I was too high. | ||
| That was back in the day when we were doing the volcano. | ||
| Volcano days. | ||
| I don't recommend that. | ||
| I don't recommend that. | ||
| Like, I did so many podcasts where I was obliterated. | ||
| I mean obliterated. | ||
| I was like next door neighbor. | ||
| I don't even know how you do that. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| Your podcast was beautiful when you felt like you were yelling into a cave. | ||
| Yeah, no one was listening. | ||
| No one was listening. | ||
| In your old living room? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did it in the living room. | ||
| Did it in your office. | ||
| Yeah, it was my office. | ||
| It became my kids' family room. | ||
| We did it on a laptop screen. | ||
| We had to put people on the floor, one of the people on the couch so we could all get in the screen together. | ||
| You keep telling me. | ||
| Sit up. | ||
| Sit up, Tommy. | ||
| Tommy was always like, what the fuck is he doing? | ||
| I thought he was out of his fucking head. | ||
| Why is he engaging in this stupid fucking TV? I thought it was the same thing as a flotation. | ||
| But I remember when you started realizing it was a big deal. | ||
| I remember you saying, you stopped me and Red Band from speaking, and you go, guys, remember, people are listening to this. | ||
| And I remember going like, oh, we should put some thought into what we say, as opposed to just... | ||
| Talking. | ||
| Just having fun. | ||
| Talking shit. | ||
| Yeah, you don't even care if what you're saying is good. | ||
| You're just trying to find something to say. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| No one's listening, and you just started this. | ||
| This is how we all started. | ||
| It's pretty wild, but I fucking knew I was supposed to keep doing it. | ||
| Why? | ||
| But why? | ||
| Because I felt like I could get better at it. | ||
| You also liked it. | ||
| It was fun to do. | ||
| It was fun in a green room to, like, just throw the thing on. | ||
| Let's talk to people. | ||
| Also, because Anthony Cumia had set up Live from the Compound. | ||
| So he had a green screen in his basement with like a full camera setup and microphone setup and they'd switch cameras and like he had a real professional setup. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's possible. | ||
| You could put the city behind you, you could put whatever the fuck you want behind you. | ||
| And so... | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Look at Redband! | ||
| That's cute Redband! | ||
| Find out what year that is. | ||
| I'm at Ari's hair loss right now. | ||
| That's 2009? | ||
| That's number three. | ||
| That's in that surgery out of my eyes. | ||
| Yeah, we didn't know what the fuck we were doing back there. | ||
| What's that sign behind you? | ||
| That's from the man show. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| Brian shoved that tomahawk pipe up his ass and we gotta get it out. | ||
| So we got our tomahawk pipe that we were gonna order last week. | ||
| You said a peace pipe. | ||
| What is a peace pipe? | ||
| It's a fucking battle axe. | ||
| Peace or war? | ||
| Your choice, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Peace or war? | |
| So stupid! | ||
| We were just being stupid. | ||
| It was so good, though. | ||
| We were all barbecued. | ||
| We were like, look at Ari's body posture. | ||
| He's way too high right now. | ||
| I'm so high. | ||
| That's Ari when he's too high. | ||
| This is the body posture. | ||
| How about the one when... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not even moving. | |
| How about the one when you smoked salvia on a podcast and had a four-month life? | ||
| On Tripoli's podcast. | ||
| On Tripoli's podcast. | ||
| Tell that story. | ||
| It's the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| It's one of the craziest videos you can watch. | ||
| Yeah, they made Red Band and Tripoli's, Tripoli's podcast. | ||
| They were like, do salvia. | ||
| So I took a big hit, and they were like, that's not big enough. | ||
| And I was on the brink of disappearing. | ||
| And then I took a way bigger hit, and I was just gone. | ||
| Completely gone. | ||
| I was living under the sea. | ||
| For, I think, around six months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I made friends. | ||
| I had a girlfriend or wife. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I had a life down there. | ||
| A life in about eight minutes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And then I started coming back. | ||
| And then they're all like, hey, so you fine? | ||
| You ready to talk? | ||
| And it was like, no. | ||
| And then I couldn't breathe the air. | ||
| Somebody gave me some water. | ||
| This is for breathing, not drinking. | ||
| The coming back was so difficult. | ||
| So you, wait a minute, you felt like you were under the sea, not even in a compound? | ||
| Breathing, breathing, water. | ||
| I forgot that part. | ||
| So you lived for months down there? | ||
| Months and months. | ||
| I saw this. | ||
| I became part of their society. | ||
| This doesn't look fun. | ||
| When you went there the first time, do you remember? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Were you always there? | ||
| You had always been there. | ||
| This is like who I am now. | ||
| That looks terrible. | ||
| This is the reason I've never tried salvia. | ||
| It looks worse than it is. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It does not look worse than it is. | ||
| Dude, it was an amazing time. | ||
| What if consciousness and what if your soul, whatever the fuck that is, really does travel through different dimensions and you can really access them and have that. | ||
| This is like coming back from space where you're like, oh, I don't know how to use my legs. | ||
| It was two minutes out of six months. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I was trying to grab me. | ||
| I'm like, don't contain me. | ||
| So you came back after six months. | ||
| What did you think? | ||
| Did you think, oh my god, I did salvia and I'm living under the water? | ||
| I thought I was swimming up to the shore. | ||
| I was swimming up and then I was like, on the shore, I'm like, who's that guy Sam Tripoli on the shore? | ||
| Who's that guy on the land? | ||
| Do you remember entering into that world, though, under the sea? | ||
| Do you remember that at all? | ||
| No, I was just there. | ||
| You were just always there? | ||
| I guess in the first, like, ten seconds, maybe I did, but then I was just like... | ||
| Imagine if that's what... | ||
| Imagine if that's what tripping is. | ||
| Imagine if that really is what tripping is. | ||
| You're really accessing alternative lives. | ||
| It doesn't look great. | ||
| I would love it if that was what it was. | ||
| Imagine if your life is going on simultaneously all over the universe. | ||
| Your life, but in different forms. | ||
| When they try to give me water, I just spit it up immediately. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus, man. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Like a Tripoli. | ||
| Tripoli's the tip of the spear. | ||
| Tripoli's the most valuable warrior of 2022. Yeah, for real. | ||
| Most valuable comedy warrior. | ||
| Joey tried to give me a star of death, you know, one time, and I was like, fuck no. | ||
| No way. | ||
| And he cut a corner off, and I was like, uh-uh. | ||
| And then he cut that down, and I was like, fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've never been more out of my mind. | ||
| Oh, those gummies, man. | ||
| He got us the same from that. | ||
| I've never been crazier. | ||
| I used to have that joke about it. | ||
| Remember when the guy was like, I go, how much did I eat? | ||
| He's like, just a leg. | ||
| Just a leg. | ||
| Los Gumis Hermanos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Los Gumis Hermanos. | ||
| It was shaped like a joker. | ||
| It was shaped to bring kids in. | ||
| I didn't know where I was during his podcast. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I mean, he was taught. | ||
| And then he's, the thing that broke me out of it was he does ad reads. | ||
| But not like you're supposed to. | ||
| He's like, fucking ship station. | ||
| You gotta ship your shit out. | ||
| If you're a goddamn American, you need a ship station. | ||
| I go, you're allowed to do that? | ||
| He's like, do what? | ||
| I'm like, you're fucking cursing during all the ad rates? | ||
| He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Stampsfucking.com. | ||
| He's like, cursing during all of them? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, what? | |
| Joey Diaz, I remember we found out Dan Murr passed away on the podcast. | ||
| And Joey goes... | ||
| Joey Abraham. | ||
| You gotta say who that is first. | ||
| He owned a comedy club. | ||
| He was a crazy drug addict tyrant. | ||
| But we just found out he died. | ||
| Well, you said he was a tyrant because he didn't want you on stage that one time. | ||
| It was me and you? | ||
| And he goes, God damn it. | ||
| Life's short. | ||
| That guy was a piece of shit. | ||
| God bless him. | ||
| A real garbage motherfucker. | ||
| God bless his soul. | ||
| Yeah, he's gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's gone. | |
| He goes, you know, he's a real creepy guy. | ||
| He's a real creepy guy. | ||
| Rest in peace. | ||
| Rest in peace. | ||
| Wherever you are, I'm sure it's not a good place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, this is it. | |
| He wouldn't give you a check. | ||
| He'd be like, where are you guys going out tonight? | ||
| I'll give it to you there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He fucking did a lot of creepy things. | |
| Rest in peace. | ||
| He's laughing. | ||
| Got to be a tiger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It wasn't good, right? | |
| Rest in peace. | ||
| Yeah, he's a creepy fuck. | ||
| Poor guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He said that at the memorial service all night. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| All those coke guys though, guys who love coke, like that world, Joey was in that world. | ||
| He wouldn't give you his check. | ||
| He'd say, I'll give you a check tonight. | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| And Joey's like, give me my fucking check now. | ||
| And he goes, no, no, I'll meet you out later. | ||
| Tell me where you guys are hanging out tonight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who, Dan? | |
| Yeah, he wanted to be part of the party. | ||
| He wanted to come hang out with us. | ||
| That was the, like, I don't mean to be sappy. | ||
| But that was probably my favorite time of being a professional comedian. | ||
| What? | ||
| Is becoming friends with you guys and having Joey in my life. | ||
| And then Joey was like my neighbor. | ||
| So he was a part of my life. | ||
| He'd show up to Easter. | ||
| He'd show up to every event we had. | ||
| I remember when he slipped my dad marijuana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And my dad's eating popcorn. | |
| And my dad's like, I go, Dad, don't eat that. | ||
| And he's like, and Joey's like, I remember Joey. | ||
| We should tell him they had weed popcorn. | ||
| They eat popcorn, yeah. | ||
| Which is so evil because it gives you the munchies and something to munch on. | ||
| It's Easter morning. | ||
| It's like 10 in the morning. | ||
| The girls are hunting eggs. | ||
| And Joey goes, Mr. K, want to see the devil's dick today? | ||
| And my dad's like, well, sure, Joey. | ||
| And so they start feeding him popcorn. | ||
| And I go, Dad, what are you doing? | ||
| And he goes, oh, Joey's got this popcorn. | ||
| It's delicious, bud. | ||
| You should try some. | ||
| And Joey's going, ha-ha! | ||
| So he didn't tell your dad at all? | ||
| Did not tell my dad and my dad... | ||
| That seems to run in your family. | ||
| Us getting drugged? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Maybe you're asking for it. | ||
| My dad went in hard into weed after that. | ||
| Wow, he converted him. | ||
| Turned him into a weed head. | ||
| He never smoked, he eats edibles. | ||
| To this day he eats edibles. | ||
| So much so it ruined. | ||
| I paid $6,000 each for us to play at Pebble Beach, and my dad ate so many edibles he couldn't stand by the water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It ruined it! | ||
| No. | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| He's probably worried about alligators, rightly so. | ||
| God damn, man. | ||
| But yeah, Joey, that was the greatest. | ||
| In my favorite time in living. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| You ever have something that's nagging at you until someone mentions it? | ||
| And then you're like, oh yeah, I've been thinking about that, but I couldn't put my place on it. | ||
| He gave me an edible, a 25 milligram edible, and then I ate it and it's fine. | ||
| And then there's something nagging at me. | ||
| And then eventually someone was like, how are you enjoying that 25 milligram edible? | ||
| And the way he said it was like, and I look back and the 25 was crooked and I'm like, what? | ||
| And I just peel it off and it says 250. And I'm like, what? | ||
| That's so much. | ||
| 200 is so much. | ||
| There's very few people that know that energy. | ||
| Of what? | ||
| How's that feeling? | ||
| How's that feeling? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know that with you. | ||
| Intimately. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| And that's what kind of shoved us off of Sober October was that thing. | ||
| Full apologies. | ||
| It's so tough to explain to people why I love you. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You're the sweetest guy that I know. | ||
| You're the most thoughtful, sensitive, insightful, funniest guy I know. | ||
| You're one of my favorite human beings alive. | ||
| And I have to stand next to you drugging me every time to defend you. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| I like surprises. | ||
| How great was it though? | ||
| No, no, my favorite was we went to Mark Norman's bachelor party and you pulled me aside privately and Ari looked me in the eyes and he goes, I need you to know I never drug you again. | ||
| And I went, I know that. | ||
| Because I need you to have a good time at Mark's. | ||
| I just drink anything you want. | ||
| But how great was that when we were all fucked up on Molly, the sun setting in your old place, the place Comedy Bot, and Diaz is telling his stories. | ||
| Joey Diaz shows up. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Celebrate Joey Diaz for the rest of my life. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| I call him. | ||
| I'm in a legit panic attack. | ||
| I call him, and I go, Joey, Ari just mollied me. | ||
| And he goes, the words out of his mouth, dog, I'll be there at five. | ||
| Shows up, takes the other half of whatever Molly already has, he eats it, and he sits bathing in the sunlight of a setting sun in my backyard telling me, cocksucker, you ain't gonna die. | ||
| We're not dying tonight, okay? | ||
| Let me tell you some stories. | ||
| And he told us stories, and we sat there mesmerized, and it was like watching God speak because the sun's bathing around him. | ||
| I'm high as fucking shit. | ||
| And I'm just looking at Ari going like, it's going to be okay. | ||
| It's going to be okay. | ||
| I'm a ride or die for that motherfucker. | ||
| That moment when he goes, dog, I'll be there at five. | ||
| And he showed up. | ||
| You know how Joey is with time. | ||
| He showed up in five. | ||
| And he had to walk through the house knowing what the house didn't know yet. | ||
| Yeah, he walked through and Leanne goes, Joey, what are you doing? | ||
| And he goes, I can't talk to you, Mrs. K. I'll be back in ten. | ||
| And then he came in and he goes, Leanne, everyone's a good guy out there. | ||
| Don't fucking kill anybody. | ||
| Sorry, Liam. | ||
| God, man. | ||
| She didn't know yet? | ||
| No. | ||
| I had to pull her into the bathroom and I had to say, what I'm going to tell you is going to upset you, but I need you to take care of me and not you right now. | ||
| And she goes, what is it? | ||
| And I said, Ari slipped me Molly. | ||
| She shuts down and I watch her. | ||
| Are you sober by then? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You're full blown. | ||
| Gone. | ||
| I am out of it. | ||
| He's probably sober six hours later. | ||
| Yeah, on the plane I was blowing up. | ||
| And I watch her fucking go white. | ||
| And she goes, where is he? | ||
| And I go, we had told Ari to leave early. | ||
| We're like, leave before we tell Liam. | ||
| You weren't high enough to not get me out of there. | ||
| So I said, he's gone, he's gone, he's not here. | ||
| And she goes, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What do I need to do for you? | ||
| And I said, I don't want to be in front of the girls. | ||
| I'm really fucked up. | ||
| She goes, go to the comedy store. | ||
| Your plane leaves at 11. Go to the comedy store right now. | ||
| Hang out with some comics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Laugh. | |
| Have a good time. | ||
| You're going to be fine. | ||
| You're not going to die. | ||
| Get on the plane. | ||
| No rules. | ||
| Drink. | ||
| Do whatever you got to do to get yourself there. | ||
| So I went to the store. | ||
| The first person I saw was David Spade. | ||
| Don't say a word. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| My inner whore showed up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know this. | |
| You know this. | ||
| I'm a big fan of David Spade. | ||
| I love David Spade. | ||
| And I know I'm not dying now. | ||
| And I tell David Spade, he's like, hey, Bert. | ||
| And I go, someone's like, what's going on? | ||
| And I was like, Ari just slipped me Molly. | ||
| And the room shifts. | ||
| They're like, what the fuck? | ||
| And literally Ari Shaffir walks in and he goes, anyone want a cocktail? | ||
| And everyone's like, not from you! | ||
| It was one of the most surreal, it was the shittiest Sober October I've ever had, because my favorite part is us texting, but it was a surreal fucking experience that you don't get to have. | ||
| Normal people don't get that. | ||
| It is hard to defend you, because I do love you. | ||
| It's a crazy thing being a comic because you go, you know, when people get in trouble, like I remember Joe got in trouble and I posted a thing and then you're like, fuck, you realize people are going to shoot shit your way. | ||
| But then you get weird people, like I know I told you this, my dad, when you're going through some shit, my dad's like, buddy, I respect a man who stands by his friends. | ||
| And I go, that's what you've got to be. | ||
| At the end of the day, you stand by your friends. | ||
| That's the only thing that you respect out of a Man. | ||
| Does that sound weird? | ||
| No, that's a big part of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a big part of being a man. | ||
| Not everyone loves you, man. | ||
| A lot of people are out to fuck you. | ||
| Well, a lot of people only think about themselves and they pretend to be caring about other people. | ||
| It's a real problem. | ||
| It's not good for you either. | ||
| It's not good for that person. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I won't do that again. | ||
| I love you, Ari. | ||
| I love you too, buddy. | ||
| I want your special to kill it. | ||
| Thanks, dude. | ||
| You're one of the funniest dudes I know. | ||
| I'm in a weird emotional place right now. | ||
| You're drinking. | ||
| Sounds like you just drank what I gave you. | ||
| Might be an alcoholic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's watch my trailer. | |
| Oh! | ||
| You got a trailer out for the special? | ||
| No, it's my movie. | ||
| You want to see my teaser? | ||
| The machine? | ||
| The machine? | ||
| That movie that we're not supposed to talk about? | ||
| We're just waiting for them to be you, Craig? | ||
| This is not your trailer. | ||
| This is your teaser. | ||
| This is my teaser. | ||
| And I'm not technically allowed to show this. | ||
| So what's happening? | ||
| Am I in trouble? | ||
| No, you won't be in trouble. | ||
| But if we air this... | ||
| Hold on, don't... | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| If we air this, am I giving up some intellectual property? | ||
| That is not legal for me to be disseminated to millions of people. | ||
| No, you're fine. | ||
| I'm a producer. | ||
| You're on it. | ||
| I'm getting sued. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just heard that. | |
| I just saw lawyers in front of me going, these are your options. | ||
| No, I got this teaser a while back. | ||
| Why don't you do this on your fucking podcast? | ||
| I was a good fucking... | ||
| Oh, I thought maybe get the views. | ||
| No, I got this teaser a couple weeks ago. | ||
| This is just you. | ||
| This is just for you? | ||
| Is this like password protected? | ||
| It was sent on Vimeo. | ||
| No, is this not Vimeo? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| It wasn't password protected. | ||
| No. | ||
| So this is just available online? | ||
| Anybody could watch this? | ||
| No. | ||
| So what the fuck are we doing? | ||
| You gotta give explicit permission. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| I hear it. | ||
| I think you do, right? | ||
| Don't you? | ||
| What? | ||
| You probably do have to get permission. | ||
| No, I'm saying he has to say the words to give you plausible deniability. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think he can at this point. | ||
| I think I've backed us into a corner. | ||
| No, I can. | ||
| This is, you're dealing with, like, movies. | ||
| Like, it'd be nice if they had control over whether or not they're a fucking teaser guy. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They would be for it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think they're going to be cool. | ||
| I think they're going to be cool. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| That's not the way to fucking get it out. | ||
| You're not a lawyer. | ||
| You're the last thing from a lawyer. | ||
| Wait, you asked. | ||
| I texted. | ||
| I showed Jamie the text. | ||
| I texted last night. | ||
| I said, hypothetically, what happened? | ||
| What the fuck does that mean? | ||
| Okay, this is how it started. | ||
| Tom and I are doing a movie. | ||
| By the way, I'm not allowed to talk about that. | ||
| Tom and I are doing a movie. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| With Legendary. | ||
| I heard you're not allowed to talk about it, but you're doing a movie with Legendary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you were there, and I said, I'm gonna buy us a billboard and say, hey, Mary, thanks for the green light. | ||
| Fat astronauts. | ||
| And everyone, as a joke, was like, that would be fucking hilarious. | ||
| You should do that. | ||
| As a joke, everyone's like, you should do that. | ||
| So then they sent me this teaser. | ||
| And the second I got it, I went, I was sober, right? | ||
| And I'm like, the day I go on Rogan, I'm playing on Rogan. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what anyone says. | ||
| Because all I know is that when I talked about getting a billboard for me and Tom on Sunset, everyone giggled. | ||
| So that energy is right. | ||
| That's their energy. | ||
| Right, the giggling energy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You like the outlaw. | ||
| You like not to be untethered to the responsibility. | ||
| Who, me? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| The average industry folk, they go, oh, shit, he did it, and it worked, right? | ||
| So I go, I said... | ||
| You've lost me. | ||
| You're like Joe Biden right now in the middle of a stump speech. | ||
| It's like, it's where you find fun. | ||
| Here's the real question that he wants to know. | ||
| Are we allowed to play? | ||
| Can he play this on his show? | ||
| Yes or no? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You brought it in. | ||
| You're liable. | ||
| How are we sure that this is okay to play? | ||
| Is this the property of a studio? | ||
| It is. | ||
| It 100% is. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| No, I can't. | ||
| Get Jimmy Stoney on the phone. | ||
| I can. | ||
| You can, but this is Jamie Preston and he works for me if it plays on here. | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| No, I think it's fine. | ||
| I don't know for sure. | ||
| I know that he asked the person in charge of this company. | ||
| I sent a text. | ||
| I sent a text. | ||
| What time is it in Egypt? | ||
| He's doing what he's supposed to do? | ||
| What time is it in Egypt? | ||
| They're all in Jordan right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What time is it in Egypt? | |
| They're doing like Dune 4. Oh my god. | ||
| I'm calling Egypt. | ||
| I'm almost certain we'll be fine. | ||
| That is a foreign ring. | ||
| Isn't it weird he'd get a different ring? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I like that ring. | ||
| Can I get that ring? | ||
| That's a nice ring. | ||
| I want that ring for every day when people call me. | ||
| That would be cool. | ||
| I feel important. | ||
| Our ring's so digital. | ||
| Our ring does suck. | ||
| Yeah, our ring sucks. | ||
| Come on, America. | ||
| Step it up. | ||
| Step up the ring. | ||
| By the way, I take no answer as a yes. | ||
| Hey, gentlemen. | ||
| Gentlemen. | ||
| Ignore all of it. | ||
| This is my teaser for my movie. | ||
| I'm very proud of it. | ||
| I hope you enjoy it. | ||
| If there's a huge problem, I'll hit you up. | ||
| We'll take it out. | ||
| Shot in Slovenia. | ||
| I think you're going to like it. | ||
| If there's a huge problem, you're going to be fine. | ||
| We'll know in a few hours. | ||
| You'll pay for all the legal fees, right? | ||
| I texted everyone. | ||
| Pay for all the legal fees? | ||
| Yeah, I already checked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not going to own $30 million. | |
| We're promoting a film. | ||
| What's the deal with this film? | ||
| It's not allowed to be released? | ||
| And how come? | ||
| It's happening right now. | ||
| But how come the movie's not coming out yet? | ||
| Because Russia hasn't finished Ukraine off yet. | ||
| That's exactly the lead-in I'm looking for. | ||
| The marketing budget. | ||
| Folks, you didn't think I was going to keep this from you, did you? | ||
| For those listening, it's your trailer. | ||
| It says, the following restricted preview has been approved for appropriate audiences. | ||
| This is an appropriate audience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My father was no criminal. | |
| He was a salesman. | ||
| Then you stole the only thing he ever cared about. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| It made him say, fuck honest living. | ||
| If you want respect, you have to take it. | ||
| And from there, he built our family. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'm your origin story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I'm gonna be sick now. | |
| Oh, you throw up. | ||
| If you throw up, I'm gonna throw up. | ||
| Don't throw up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't throw up. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| It's fine. | ||
| Did you just put it in your pocket? | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| I don't know where to put it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a great fucking trailer. | |
| That's so funny. | ||
| Holy shit, that's a great trailer. | ||
| That looks so badass and then ridiculous. | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I don't think people are going to have a problem with that. | ||
| This is why. | ||
| There's a lot of Russian fighters that come over to the UFC and fight and they have zero problem. | ||
| Thank you, Rory. | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| A lot of Russian fighters come over here. | ||
| In the beginning, they're like, boom, and they realize, ah, he's fucking pretty good. | ||
| I want to watch this guy fight. | ||
| And people cheer when they do well. | ||
| Nobody gets shit about Ukraine and Russia anymore. | ||
| They do, but that's not the point. | ||
| We recognize in America that individual Russian citizens are not the problem. | ||
| And when they come over here, even though we're booing the concept of what Russia's doing, we're not booing them. | ||
| It's safe for them. | ||
| Whereas Brittany Griner's in a fucking jail cell in Russia right now because they used her as an example. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| For sure, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| 100%. | ||
| I say, look, my whole thing is moving forward. | ||
| Moving forward. | ||
| Play that fucking movie. | ||
| Why don't they release that movie? | ||
| It looks amazing. | ||
| They're about to, right? | ||
| I want to see it. | ||
| It's really good, man. | ||
| I'm really proud of it. | ||
| When I got that trailer, that teaser. | ||
| That is such a funny beat. | ||
| That's a great one. | ||
| Why'd you put it in your pocket? | ||
| You're like, I don't know where to put it. | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| You know me enough to know that that's the best part of this fucking movie is that it's just fun. | ||
| I remember I was listening to you the day before filming and you said and you can find out who it was based on when we started filming and you said no one goes hard as fuck on comedies anymore. | ||
| No one's making real comedies and I sat up in bed and In Serbia, and I went, I'm going hard as fuck. | ||
| And I rewrote the fucking opening scene to this movie. | ||
| I went through and I rewrote some stuff, ran it by Peter Atencio. | ||
| He's like, well, shoot it. | ||
| Let's fucking shoot it. | ||
| Let's cover it. | ||
| And scenes like that were just me going like, just our sensibility of why we laugh, why not put it in a fucking movie? | ||
| Why not make a movie? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| There's the same reason why there's an audience for our kind of comedy. | ||
| The same reason why, you know, Shane Gillis is killing it right now. | ||
| People want the same thing they've always wanted. | ||
| People want it. | ||
| They want wild shit. | ||
| And they get almost none of it now. | ||
| They don't want to pretend that this has to represent your feelings on the way things should be in the real world, whether or not the world is equitable, whether or not people have gotten a bad... | ||
| Of course! | ||
| That's not what this is. | ||
| This is a fucking comedy. | ||
| It's just supposed to be funny. | ||
| Dude, can we have a comedian screening in New York? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, listen. | ||
| I texted all the whole group today because I was like, I'm leaking on Joe's podcast. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| It's just my energy. | ||
| It feels right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It feels right. | ||
| I like the teaser. | ||
| My friends are going to like the teaser. | ||
| The fans are going to like the teaser. | ||
| It's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Let's release the fucking movie. | ||
| And everyone's energy was positive. | ||
| Even the people that were on the fence that were just hands up like... | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| You won't get sued for $30 million. | ||
| Is it advantageous for you to release it as a streamer or in theaters? | ||
| Personally, I'm old school. | ||
| I'm old school. | ||
| I want to go to theaters. | ||
| It's a better joyous experience to be in a theater with a bunch of people. | ||
| Comedies especially. | ||
| Yeah, comedies especially. | ||
| Laughing with people. | ||
| We watched it in the theaters for the screeners, and when you fucking see people... | ||
| The whole place blows up. | ||
| Especially that scene. | ||
| People are crying. | ||
| I remember, because it's been a while, but I remember going to opening night of the first Borat, and it was packed. | ||
| And that experience was so fun. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| People were dying in that theater. | ||
| The first Borat was so good. | ||
| Goddamn, man. | ||
| Goddamn, that was good. | ||
| But it was about being in a packed theater. | ||
| That week of a comedy is the best. | ||
| And here's where movies... | ||
| Look, I won't shit on anyone who made any movie. | ||
| Once you make a movie, you realize how hard it is. | ||
| But the thing people sometimes forget is that comedy is about not expecting the thing you're about to see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, surprise. | |
| And it's about surprise and having people take chances. | ||
| When we shot that first day of shooting, we shot... | ||
| And look, once again, I apologize to everyone, but like, Mary Josh, who were back in L.A., wrote back, you couldn't go harder. | ||
| Like, go harder. | ||
| And that energy to make a comedy these days is where you have to be. | ||
| You've got to say shit. | ||
| You've got to go as hard as you want to go to make a comedy. | ||
| Think about all the ones we love. | ||
| Tropic Thunder. | ||
| That's all we do. | ||
| What went harder than Tropic Thunder? | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| But even before that, Billy Madison. | ||
| That's the movie. | ||
| Happy Gilmore. | ||
| I can't wait till you see Fat Astronauts, Joe. | ||
| We're so over the top. | ||
| Did you like Tropic Thunder? | ||
| Loved it. | ||
| He's our fucking writer. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Shout out to E-Town. | ||
| E-Town, what's up? | ||
| No, it's true. | ||
| And all the ones, like the Farrelly's, something about marrying. | ||
| When they brought us with kale, we were in Serbia, right? | ||
| We're in Serbia. | ||
| And I know that there's a lot of people that will be upset over Legendary when I share all this. | ||
| But we're in Serbia. | ||
| We're trying to close a deal to do fat astronauts, right? | ||
| And we're talking, we're going back and forth, and then Kale, my guy, you met him at the Four Seasons we had cigars together. | ||
| Kale's the guy from Legendary. | ||
| Kale comes over and he goes, hey, enough of the back and forth. | ||
| I say we just, duh. | ||
| You like Tropic Thunder? | ||
| I go, one of my favorite movies ever in my entire life. | ||
| He goes, we can get Etan Cohen. | ||
| You cool? | ||
| And I went, yeah. | ||
| And he goes, close the deal with Tommy. | ||
| Let's close the deal. | ||
| Let's get Etan. | ||
| Let's just do this fucking movie hard. | ||
| And I was like, done. | ||
| Done. | ||
| And we've been working with Etan now on this movie, Fat Astronauts, for a while now. | ||
| But it's like the whole thing. | ||
| And I would never give away any plots we're working on. | ||
| But the thing is, is like... | ||
| Go fucking hard. | ||
| It's the shit that makes us laugh. | ||
| There's not a lot of people that do it. | ||
| That's why it stands out. | ||
| But they did it forever. | ||
| And then everybody just backed off. | ||
| The studios got scared. | ||
| They got scared of making big comedies. | ||
| Well, they got scared of the... | ||
| The social media aspect, the thing that social media's done, is it's giving everybody a voice. | ||
| But they don't care about it. | ||
| They're weighing on shit they don't care about. | ||
| But the problem is, it could be a small number of people. | ||
| That most people disagree with, but they get enough momentum. | ||
| People decide that if you don't support the things that they support, you're a piece of shit. | ||
| And you're worried about that reprisal, it gets dangerous. | ||
| In the old days, we all dealt with this, there was like, oh, you're dirty? | ||
| What do you have to be dirty? | ||
| And so then it was about taste. | ||
| And then they became, well, if you don't do what we do, you're morally bereft. | ||
| Instead of just like, you're not the style we like. | ||
| There's so many notes that was given about that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| People would go, you know, you'd do a lot better if you weren't so dirty up there. | ||
| Dude, that was my whole fucking, the beginning of my career. | ||
| My manager wanted me to be clean. | ||
| Same thing, man. | ||
| I had managers tell me, club owners, club owners. | ||
| Did you ever tell a story of how my manager changed his opinion? | ||
| No. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| So, I did mostly, like, shitty dives in Boston. | ||
| It was hard for me to get booked in the city because I was dirty. | ||
| Yeah, in Boston? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| But they would give me, like, open mic sets. | ||
| They'd give me guest spots. | ||
| They were trying to groom me, right? | ||
| It was a very good system, right? | ||
| It was a system that was fucked up because it was acting on a faulty premise. | ||
| And that premise was you had to be clean in order to have a real career. | ||
| Because you had to get a Tonight Show. | ||
| Yeah, because you had to do the Tonight Show and you wanted to get a sitcom. | ||
| It wasn't artistically the right way to operate, but they were operating on, honestly, a sound business model. | ||
| This is what works. | ||
| Yes, because if you could be that guy who became Jerry Seinfeld or Roseanne Barr, if you could get your sitcom, you are the fucking king of the world. | ||
| And that's what everybody wanted, right? | ||
| So they had this system that was set up like you just had to be clean in order to get up in clubs. | ||
| I got lucky. | ||
| When I went to do a guest spot, I was driving limos, and I called up Bill, who was the guy who was the owner of the club, and I said, hey, could I get... | ||
| I think we called him, or I might have called the guy who was the manager, but I said, can I get 10 minutes? | ||
| I have a new bit I just wrote today that I want to see if it works. | ||
| I'm really excited about it. | ||
| He goes, yeah, for sure. | ||
| So he gives me a spot. | ||
| And I had no idea anybody was there. | ||
| And my manager was there. | ||
| We wound up being my manager. | ||
| He was in the back of the room. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| So you weren't working with him yet? | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Kill. | ||
| Kill. | ||
| So loose. | ||
| So relaxed. | ||
| Have a great set. | ||
| I'm only three years in a comedy. | ||
| I'm terrible. | ||
| But every now and then I have a good set. | ||
| So I had this great set. | ||
| And then he takes me to New York. | ||
| I do Catch a Rising Star. | ||
| I do all these different places he wants to see me at. | ||
| And then he takes me to Fast Eddie's. | ||
| It was a bar in Huntington, Long Island. | ||
| It was a fucking dive. | ||
| There's a dude on stage named Eddie Gallo. | ||
| And he was doing a reverse shit with a banana. | ||
| So he takes a banana and sucks it into his mouth the opposite way. | ||
| So the point comes out. | ||
| He starts it with the point. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| But it's hilarious. | ||
| It's bar comedy. | ||
| So my manager says, listen, I'm going to get you out of this. | ||
| You don't have to do this. | ||
| I go no no no no no no no no no no no no. | ||
| I go these are my people. | ||
| I go, just sit down. | ||
| I go, let me do a set here. | ||
| Let me do a set here. | ||
| And I go, I'm just blowjob jokes and doggy style and people sucking your dick while they're looking you in the eye. | ||
| The windows to the soul. | ||
| It's like crazy wild bar sex comedy. | ||
| And then he goes, okay. | ||
| Forget everything I said. | ||
| No more clean. | ||
| He goes, you gotta go off. | ||
| Just go for it. | ||
| It's gonna be a harder road, but just gotta be you. | ||
| Like that, what I saw right there, that's you loose and free. | ||
| And I crushed in this terrible bar. | ||
| But it was like, for me, it was like, this is what I've been doing. | ||
| Thank God he didn't have too much of an ego to not say that. | ||
| Because there's a ton of guys who have been like, listen man, I know that works, but you've got to stop doing it. | ||
| You've got to stop. | ||
| There were a lot of people that did say that, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| There's a lot of people that said that. | ||
| Back in those days, they were right, though. | ||
| If you looked at it from a utilitarian point of view, they didn't know the internet was going to be a thing. | ||
| They didn't know that you could actually make a career completely detached. | ||
| You've got big pre-internet, though. | ||
| You know what's funny is like... | ||
| If killing you, you can't deny it. | ||
| Anybody can call themselves a manager. | ||
| And I was working in post-production. | ||
| I was the lead logger on a post-reality show. | ||
| So they send you the raw footage and you gotta type. | ||
| So I'm in charge of the department. | ||
| And one of the loggers is a comedy manager. | ||
| And that's how crazy it is. | ||
| And one day she comes up to me and she was like, Hey, I watched your set and I just wanted to say, you know, you're funny, but you're just too dirty and you're really not going to get work if you don't clean it up. | ||
| And I go, you know, I really appreciate you giving me your insight on that. | ||
| Why don't you go log some tapes now? | ||
| Anyone can be a manager. | ||
| Anybody can. | ||
| You just say, I am this. | ||
| I have a client. | ||
| To this day. | ||
| Anyone can get anywhere in this business. | ||
| To this day. | ||
| I've had those managers that are just like, I'm a manager. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You didn't know until later. | ||
| You're like, I guess they know everything about the business. | ||
| There's real ones out there, but they're hard to find. | ||
| And it's like the same thing I say about club owners. | ||
| Like I always tell people, you got to be nice to these folks because you don't want to do that job. | ||
| It's not a job for you. | ||
| It's like a job for them. | ||
| Like, you shouldn't be adversarial. | ||
| Because in the beginning it is because, like, why don't you fucking book me and you don't fucking... | ||
| But eventually they do, then hopefully you work it out, right? | ||
| That's the same thing with managers. | ||
| You know, like, some managers are really good. | ||
| There's a handful that are really good. | ||
| They're really good. | ||
| Some managers are fucking, they're just jumping in. | ||
| I think most are not. | ||
| Most are the latter. | ||
| I think most are not that great. | ||
| Some people are really good at being a club owner. | ||
| They're just like, I don't know, this is the way things are done. | ||
| It's really who can make shit happen, and that's why it's not a lot. | ||
| My agent did this. | ||
| The yuck yucks in Canada wouldn't have me on because I was dirty. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so Ed Brook was like, hey, we can't have, they won't book you. | ||
| And he goes, nah, I'm not going to accept that. | ||
| How about we bill you as the dirtiest comic that's ever been in Canada? | ||
| Pfft! | ||
| And I'm like, I'm not that dirty. | ||
| He goes, who gives a shit? | ||
| We'll just get you in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you'll draw, and they'll be fine. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
As long as it's funny. | |
| And that's what it is. | ||
| It got me, and he broke down the doors, and it's like, it's fine. | ||
| When you look at the dirty show, I don't know, is it Montreal? | ||
| Montreal, the nasty show. | ||
| They do the nasty show, and it's just comics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know when I got that show? | ||
| It's their big show. | ||
| I was opening for Joe Rogan, popular podcast host. | ||
| Wait, hold on. | ||
| Is this one that was recorded? | ||
| I remember watching that with Isla in bed. | ||
| Where you pulled your dick out? | ||
| No. | ||
| That was Jim Norton's show. | ||
| Similar story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we're doing a club soda. | ||
| We're doing a winter show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Club soda. | |
| I haven't heard that in a while. | ||
| And Joe's on stage and some lady's too drunk. | ||
| She's like, whatever. | ||
| And Joe's like, whatever. | ||
| He's like, just making fun of her. | ||
| And she's like, want me to show my tits? | ||
| And he goes, will you? | ||
| And she goes, I don't know. | ||
| He goes, if you show your tits, Ariel will take his dick out. | ||
| And I'm in the back in the green room just smoking with the skunk guys. | ||
| I run Skunk Magazine and I heard him say that. | ||
| I was like, I gotta go. | ||
| And I'm needed. | ||
| My talents are needed. | ||
| And I went out there and I was like, what's going on? | ||
| And you're like, this lady will take her tits out of your show. | ||
| And my dick was already out. | ||
| And then it was just like, I got a call the next week from Montreal. | ||
| I was like, we'd like you to do the nasty show next year. | ||
| You nailed your audition. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't have to audition. | ||
| Pulling the cock out was a key moment in your career. | ||
| You were so comfortable with that always. | ||
| Dick out. | ||
| Is it in Jew? | ||
| Does Jew have a dick appearance? | ||
| Jew has no dick appearance. | ||
| It would have been cool to have one with the latest jackass where it has a yarmulke on it. | ||
| You don't realize it's a dick until too late. | ||
| We used to put, late night at the store, we used to put my glasses, my thick glasses, I put them on my balls so it looked like my Jew nose sticking out. | ||
| We'd talk on the mic with the balls. | ||
| What percentage of America do you think has our sense of humor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
80? | |
| No. | ||
| No, that's not. | ||
| I think 10, and that's what's yelling you guys fucking massive theaters. | ||
| Get them drunk, we got 80%. | ||
| Drunk it does change. | ||
| Drunk it changes. | ||
| 20% of people you're never going to get. | ||
| Most people don't understand real comedy. | ||
| Well, they don't understand fun. | ||
| It's such a massive number of the 5 or 10%. | ||
| It's not that they don't understand it. | ||
| Some people's humor, though, really is completely different. | ||
| I mean, you ever hang out with a person who's a good person? | ||
| You like them, they're nice, and you see what they laugh at, and you're like, holy shit. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is like we speak, it literally is like we speak different languages. | ||
| Like, what amuses them is so far from what amuses you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And then also, what amuses us to what amuses us around comedians? | ||
| You ever talk to a bunch of comics for a weekend or something, and then you go to your normcore people? | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| And you bring a comic joke? | ||
| It makes you go like, I don't want to hang out with anybody that's not a comedian. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait. | ||
| Say that again. | ||
| What? | ||
| I missed it. | ||
| I don't want to say it. | ||
| You're having dinner with normal people, but you bring comedy sensibilities? | ||
| You just came out from Norman's bachelor party or something. | ||
| And they go like, oh my god. | ||
| Or there's one comic, and there's two other people. | ||
| And you're saying inappropriate shit, and everyone's like... | ||
| I thought that's what we were doing. | ||
| We're all together drinking. | ||
| We're not used to it. | ||
| Do you remember the thing that made me laugh so hard? | ||
| And I won't get too into details that would probably upset people, but... | ||
| Yerking off! | ||
| And I could not stop laughing. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| I'm not going to remember this. | ||
| We do a ski festival. | ||
| And I could not stop laughing, and I tried to show it to regular people. | ||
| And because of the energy of the thing, they couldn't disconnect from the energy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And we were crying, crying, laughing. | |
| Burnhead just bought, we do these ski festivals, these mini festivals we do. | ||
| Just six, seven, eight comics, skiing, we do a couple shows to pay for it, and then we just go skiing. | ||
| And we're all hanging out in a cabin, and we're watching the angry response. | ||
| Oh, fuck, we're telling it. | ||
| To Louis C.K.'s Parkland joke? | ||
| Parkland joke. | ||
| Parkland joke from the parents. | ||
| It goes, oh, you're out there. | ||
| He goes, he goes, he does, the guy, the dad. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| It's all comics. | ||
| And by the way, I'm a regular person also, so I can empathize with everything the father feels. | ||
| But he was trying to slam Louie, and in the process of it, the way of him saying that he was jerking off, it was so comedic that he did not intend it. | ||
| And I saw it, and I couldn't stop laughing. | ||
| And they're like, what are you laughing at? | ||
| And I go, you guys have to see it. | ||
| And I want to see if you laugh as hard as I laugh. | ||
| And it's just kind of goes. | ||
| Do you have a video? | ||
| The guy who posted it. | ||
| Oh, we can watch it right now? | ||
| You can watch it right now. | ||
| Should we not watch it? | ||
| I would not. | ||
| He doesn't have a sense of humor about it. | ||
| He doesn't have a sense of humor, but the guy's clearly like a Cuban or a Puerto Rican guy, and he's like, I mean, all he says is like, And this one comedian who was, and the way he says it is so funny that it was not his intent, but it made us laugh so hard. | ||
| And we're trying to listen to his message. | ||
| His message is like, but it was, for a fan of comedy, it was the perfect amount of seriousness. | ||
| The whole week, everyone's like, what are you doing? | ||
| It's like, and we're all just dying. | ||
| And he did not mean to be funny, and that's when things are the funniest for a comic. | ||
| For sure the funniest. | ||
| Crying laughing. | ||
| It's like it's me, Norman, Sean Patton, Renizzisi, O'Neil, you. | ||
| It's got to be somebody else too in there. | ||
| And it was just like, we're just dying. | ||
| The way he said it, we're crying laughing. | ||
| And we're not laughing at what he's trying to say. | ||
| We're laughing at the fact that he's trying to be serious. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Oh my god, that's funny. | ||
| And the comments are like, so brave. | ||
| We're sitting there going, are we the only ones laughing at this? | ||
| I gotta say, in your mom's house, in the Garth Brooks comments, sometimes the comments are like, to me, like a little comedy break from life. | ||
| They are. | ||
| I like to go, when Garth Brooks posts something, and then I go and see your mom's house fans have bombarded the comments, like, where are the bodies? | ||
| They follow them everywhere now. | ||
| Facebook, everything. | ||
| They're making jokes inside, like, jeans high and tight. | ||
| Confess for the murder of my aunt G. Your DNA was at the crime scene. | ||
| Be careful in jet poo. | ||
| Because he's shit on a plane. | ||
| He's shit on a plane? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Somebody who works at the FBO in Nashville sent an image from... | ||
| They're like, we clean jets. | ||
| We clean Garth's jet. | ||
| And somebody shit all over the carpet and sprayed the floor. | ||
| And they're like, this is Garth's jet. | ||
| This is Garth's shit! | ||
| And then the next week they're like, I got fired from telling you! | ||
| No! | ||
| No way! | ||
| They sent the image and they sent the video, and so we read it and played it. | ||
| Oh, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Seems like a violation of some NDA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I think he got in trouble. | ||
| Please don't do that to my show. | ||
| They said that they're not really good about paying the... | ||
| They don't like to pay a lot of the bills for the mains. | ||
| And then he was like, no, he does pay. | ||
| He does pay. | ||
| Dude, the best is Nadav and I don't know who else it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They got into a... | ||
| Can I? What? | ||
| They got into a Garth Brooks... | ||
| Oh, concert. | ||
| That was amazing. | ||
| And they got on the big screen. | ||
| The Jumbotron at Houston, Texas. | ||
| Then holding a sign. | ||
| Says, where are the bodies? | ||
| Where are the bodies, G? And then it's on the thing, and then it just cuts away from it. | ||
| Because he dropped the sign. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had two signs. | |
| Would you be willing to drop this if Garth Brooks would come on the podcast? | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| A thousand percent. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| That'll never happen. | ||
| Why would that never happen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Garth! | |
| Garth, that should happen. | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| Adob, you're a genius. | ||
| Garth, you should make this happen. | ||
| For everybody's sake. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| Where are the bodies, G? Look how quickly they pulled that camera away. | ||
| They didn't just switch cameras, they backed out of it. | ||
| See how they backed out? | ||
| Wait, what is that? | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| But wait, there's no benefit for Garth to go on the podcast. | ||
| Incorrect. | ||
| First of all, they're very nice people. | ||
| Both Tom and Christina are very nice people. | ||
| I'm going to be devil's advocate. | ||
| Shut the fuck up for a second. | ||
| And they'd be happy to have Garth on and be nice to him. | ||
| Explain, we're sorry if this hurt your feelings. | ||
| This is all just fun. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We're just fun people. | ||
| How fun would it be if Garth was like, listen man, I can't have that shit come up. | ||
| We're two years away from a statute of limitations. | ||
| What do you mean no? | ||
| Why no? | ||
| 100% no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| If you're Garth's manager. | ||
| I'll tell you what's Garth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| How many months do you think it happened to Garth where it was a problem? | ||
| Where he was like, the fuck is this? | ||
| Never. | ||
| All the months. | ||
| Right, right, right, right? | ||
| Actually, at first we would go like, do you think Garth knows? | ||
| And we'd talk about that. | ||
| And then I happened to meet somebody who actually is closely connected to him. | ||
| And happens to be a fan of mine. | ||
| And I met this person, and I go, so what's going on? | ||
| Like, does he know? | ||
| And he goes, oh yeah, he knows. | ||
| Of course he knows. | ||
| And then I go, so what's the deal? | ||
| And they go, well, he goes, I asked his right-hand person, does Garth hate Tom? | ||
| And the guy goes, Garth doesn't hate anybody. | ||
| Which is such a Garth answer. | ||
| Garth doesn't hate anybody. | ||
| Because you were just like, no. | ||
| Right, but what did he say? | ||
| Just that they just accept that it's... | ||
| They have a spin on it. | ||
| That they're like, you know, when you're big, when you really well know, you have a big profile. | ||
| You can't control what happens online and all this stuff. | ||
| But it's all the comments. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| It's every post. | ||
| It's every post. | ||
| But if he went on your podcast, I think it would turn around. | ||
| For Tom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For Tom. | |
| No, for Garth. | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
| Why can't you let him talk for a second? | ||
| No, it's his turn. | ||
| It's Bert's turn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you sure? | |
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| You shut him up now. | ||
| He shuts him up and then you'll shut me up. | ||
| Nothing benefits Garth than this. | ||
| There's nothing that benefits Garth. | ||
| I'm just being real. | ||
| It benefits Tom. | ||
| It's bigger for Tom than it is for Garth. | ||
| Garth doesn't get a fan. | ||
| Here's why I disagree. | ||
| Here's why I disagree. | ||
| So we have profiled people that we've made fun of before, and there's a handful of them that leaned into it. | ||
| A dude's dating video that we profile and we make fun of, and then he's like, hey, I'm the guy. | ||
| And everybody who's making fun of them goes, oh, like, you're owning that you made this terrible dating video? | ||
| And it becomes like, basically, they become all fans of this guy. | ||
| And I think if he were to show the sense of humor about the thing... | ||
| What did I ever do to y'all? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think it would actually... | ||
| Objection. | ||
| People would flip out. | ||
| Objection. | ||
| You're talking about... | ||
| I'm just being... | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| You know, I'm your best friend. | ||
| I'm not disagreeing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just talk. | |
| Just go ahead. | ||
| You're talking about a guy's dating video versus Garth Brooks, who's selling out stadiums. | ||
| He already has the fans. | ||
| I know he does. | ||
| But it's like Wayne Brady leaning into, like, I'm a gangster. | ||
| Nope, it's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| No, it's different than that. | ||
| You're talking about a guy who, in all respects, is kind of trolling a star. | ||
| I'm just being honest about it. | ||
| I think what actually happens, this is my opinion. | ||
| Super sensitive Bert over here. | ||
| I've thought about this before, but look, I've thought about this a ton. | ||
| I think it would make Garth Brooks more money to be on my podcast than Bert Brooks. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm being serious, though. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| But, like, Garth's already got the fans, and his fans aren't your mom's house fans. | ||
| The comments change. | ||
| I think what happens is he starts getting a bunch of, instead of, like, these things that make no sense, they all start going, like, love, love, love. | ||
| If he doesn't like the comments, the comments go away because of this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I think so. | ||
| But as a person who's been A victim of Tom's comments. | ||
| Because you fucked dogs. | ||
| Or the worst one. | ||
| Yeah, the worst one. | ||
| I just don't either. | ||
| Was when my special came out, Secret Time, and Tom was calling me the biggest American racist in the world. | ||
| And I was watching it happen in the comments, and it was like, I wish I could watch this, but he's a racist. | ||
| And then to watch the confusion that happens. | ||
| That's the problem, is the confusion that happens is what makes you feel powerless. | ||
| Is when someone's trolling you... | ||
| But that's happening now. | ||
| But the confusion is where Garth's fans are... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Garth's fans are listen to me. | |
| Don't say that. | ||
| Disagree. | ||
| Because a lot of nice people and smart people are Garth's fans. | ||
| But if they're in the comments, and they see all this craziness that they don't understand at all, and it's all where the body's G. They don't understand it because where the body's G. They understand it at all. | ||
| He ain't killed nobody! | ||
| But if he does kill a man, this is how my comments work, then he killed a man because they deserved it, and it's okay to kill a black man. | ||
| That's the way these comments are coming out. | ||
| Where the fuck? | ||
| Because I watched it happen to me. | ||
| They might not even be real comments. | ||
| They might be Russian troll farms who are commenting. | ||
| The best was actually at that concert that Zolo went to and held up that sign. | ||
| They interviewed people outside the concert, and they were like, what do you think of these accusations? | ||
| And now it was on like one of the live shows, but it had all these people go like, some people were like, what are you talking about? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| And then some of them were like, well, you know, I'm a fan of the music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If he kills somebody, they just roll with it. | |
| Did you hear he killed someone? | ||
| Like, oh man, I don't know. | ||
| Why are you bothering me with that? | ||
| There's not one person in Garth's team That is of sound mind that would go like, you should definitely go on your mom's house. | ||
| Disagree. | ||
| If he doesn't like the comments, they go away with that. | ||
| Listen, Garth, I'm a fan. | ||
| I would have never done what Tom's done. | ||
| But I need you to know that it's going to be okay. | ||
| And if you go on your mom's house, we'll clear everything up. | ||
| I'll follow up. | ||
| No one's lower than Tom Segura. | ||
| And if you have friends in low places... | ||
| I remember I was in a fucking bar in Ohio. | ||
| I did a college in Ohio. | ||
| And these kids from the college, you know, I was like 23 or 24 or something like that. | ||
| And these kids from the college were like 20. They took me out to some place. | ||
| And we all went to this like honky-tonk type bar. | ||
| And that song came on. | ||
| And I had a drink. | ||
| And I was like, this is the greatest song in the world. | ||
| It's a great, catchy song. | ||
| And people were singing along, dude. | ||
| People were singing along. | ||
| We were all drinking whiskey. | ||
| No doubt he rules. | ||
| I'll tell you where he... | ||
| I'll tell you where... | ||
| Can I... Just being real, the where it makes sense is, and I hate to say this, you have Garth on your podcast and Tom is there. | ||
| I mean, serious. | ||
| It makes no sense to be on your mom's house. | ||
| There's a bunch of people that have been trolling him, but there are people that are Garth fans on this podcast that would be like, that would be fun. | ||
| Because I do love Garth and I do love Tom. | ||
| Can I add an addendum to that? | ||
| There's four chairs in here. | ||
| Christina should be in one too. | ||
| Yes, Christina should be here too. | ||
| The other thing I love about Garth Brooks is that Garth Brooks didn't put his shit on Apple Music. | ||
| Garth Brooks is like, nah, it belongs all together. | ||
| These fucking CDs go together. | ||
| These albums go together. | ||
| I'm not going to split it up. | ||
| He always worked out deals. | ||
| He had his own Amazon deal. | ||
| So when Apple Music just exploded, iTunes and stuff, he had to go to Amazon. | ||
| He made a deal with Amazon Music. | ||
| So that's really what lifted up that whole platform, was Amazon Music. | ||
| Then he would do discographies and be like, no, you can only get it at Walmart. | ||
| Because they keep their prices low, and that's where my fans want to go. | ||
| That's pretty fucking cool. | ||
| He did those deals. | ||
| Look, he's an autonomous man. | ||
| He's in control of his own destiny. | ||
| That guy's like selling out gigantic football stadiums. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And when you compare that to a couple murders, what does it really matter? | ||
| They're just teasing, and they really shouldn't at this point. | ||
| It's like picking on a scab. | ||
| Garth, if you come on the podcast, I'm a fan. | ||
| Tom is actually a fan. | ||
| I am a fan. | ||
| Who's not a fan of Garth Brooks? | ||
| Garth Brooks is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Did you see what he just did in Ireland? | ||
| It was somewhere over 400,000 tickets. | ||
| What? | ||
| In Ireland. | ||
| I'm not shocked. | ||
| The fucking guy is obviously a brilliant manager of his own life, as well as... | ||
| The guy's been around for 30 years. | ||
| Country music comes out of Irish music. | ||
| It does, it does. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Scottish and Irish music, yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This picture's in... | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| Look at all those people! | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Oh, I know what Tom and I are doing when we're in Ireland. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| I'm in Ireland in January, Tom's there in April. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my God. | |
| God, please, I haven't seen my family in weeks. | ||
| Wait, let me see their reply so I haven't seen my family in weeks. | ||
| How many replies? | ||
| Nine. | ||
| Let me just... | ||
| You just lost your life. | ||
| I'm a fan of Tom, but you are unbearable. | ||
| You people are unbearable. | ||
| Garth, listen, man. | ||
| I know this has been rough. | ||
| And it's really uncalled for. | ||
| And let's fix it. | ||
| Let's all fix it together. | ||
| Because I know what you're saying is it's... | ||
| It's lateral damage, meaning it's not meant to hurt his feelings. | ||
| It's all in good fun. | ||
| There's another point that should be made. | ||
| This is the kind of thing that you plant the seed for. | ||
| It's not like I'm every day directing. | ||
| Once you give people a thing to do, that went on their own. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Skittles are bands in Ireland. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem with you, Tom. | ||
| Skittles are banned. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| That's the problem with you, is that once you plant a seed, then you walk away like a farmer and then watch a rainforest show up. | ||
| What are Skittles? | ||
| Okay, we don't have to read them all. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Is that a thing? | ||
| I identify with Garth in this whole fucking story. | ||
| Clearly, clearly. | ||
| Without a doubt. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| But you don't know what it's like. | ||
| I mean, maybe you do, but like... | ||
| To know that it's a joke. | ||
| To see it in your comments and go and tell your team, please don't fuck with it. | ||
| Let it happen. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| And then watch people get confused. | ||
| And then watch a good-hearted human being that goes, hey man, I think you're really funny. | ||
| And then they're like... | ||
| Yeah, but it's not cool what he does to dogs. | ||
| And they're like, wait, I'm a big animal activist. | ||
| What happens? | ||
| And then this person goes, well, fuck Bert, right? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He fucks dogs. | ||
| I'm out. | ||
| And then you go, I guess I didn't want you because you're that stupid. | ||
| But at the same time, you're like, I remember it distinctly happening on Secret Time. | ||
| Bert's trying to put out fires all around the world. | ||
| Sometimes you gotta let fires burn. | ||
| I fuck dogs. | ||
| That was the better. | ||
| Ping trip activated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We swapped out. | |
| We swapped out. | ||
| We swapped out fucked dogs for racism. | ||
| Yeah, we swapped out racism. | ||
| For sure, Pink Trip's going to make a video with you saying you fucked dogs. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| Pink Trip. | ||
| He makes these great edits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know who Pink Trip is? | |
| He makes these incredible edits of conversations where he takes things completely out of context. | ||
| Makes it look like you and Tom are in love with each other and you're having a lover's spat. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Dude, I cannot believe it. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| The guy that makes it look like Shane Gillis hates you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's a bunch of them. | ||
| Pink Trip. | ||
| Can you please make an edit of Kanye West's Promoting my special. | ||
| He's been on this podcast. | ||
| That's a really good one to do, and I can't believe you fuck dogs. | ||
| Yeah, what? | ||
| Is it just male dogs or female dogs or both? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| I've never fucked a dog. | ||
| Garth Brooks over here. | ||
| By the way, I'm just giving this guy great content. | ||
| I need another one of these. | ||
| Come on, guys. | ||
| We're feeling the buzz. | ||
| Let's make it happen. | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| So let me start asking questions about what the experience was like to you guys. | ||
| First of all, let me just say that I look forward to this so much. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| When we've been doing these Sober Octobers over the past, you know, X amount of, you want ice? | ||
| X amount of years. | ||
| Some of my favorite times of the year. | ||
| We took a few years off, too, right? | ||
| Didn't we not do it? | ||
| Yeah, we took a year off. | ||
| There was the whole pandemic movement and shit and nonsense, but we're back. | ||
| And we came back strong, this one. | ||
| And we came back in this one where... | ||
| We had a thing that we had to do again, which I think is the best thing. | ||
| It's like that we have a thing that we all have to suffer through together, but we don't compete against each other. | ||
| I was against it not competing because I was like, you gotta have a goal or a winner, but I was wrong. | ||
| A challenge is good. | ||
| Challenge is great. | ||
| It was great for our yoga thing. | ||
| It was great for this thing. | ||
| You don't need a winner. | ||
| It's just hard to do. | ||
| The problem with winners and losers is I'm crazy. | ||
| You're crazy and Burt's an asshole. | ||
| I don't like that part. | ||
| I don't want to open up that fucking box in my brain. | ||
| What part of you doesn't get my sense of humor in those jokes? | ||
| It's not that I don't get it. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| You don't understand. | ||
| You think I don't get it? | ||
| Oh, I know what you're doing. | ||
| I'm like, not with me, motherfucker. | ||
| I'll drown you. | ||
| It tickles me now. | ||
| Shut up, Bert. | ||
| I know it tickles you. | ||
| Who do you think could do the most push-ups right now in a row? | ||
| Oh, definitely me. | ||
| You want me to start? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Whatever you do, I'll do double. | ||
| Don't say that. | ||
| How many can you do in a row? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy, 40. You don't think I could do 80? | |
| Prove it. | ||
| How long do I have to wait in between sets? | ||
| In a row. | ||
| Hold it right here. | ||
| How long can I hold it right here though? | ||
| How long can I wait? | ||
| Catch my breath. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| What's the most anyone's ever done in a row? | ||
| I used to be able to do a hundred. | ||
| I can 100% do 40 easy. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Not easy, I can do 40. So I'm like, if I do 40 and I pace myself, how much time are you allowed to hang out down there? | ||
| Nope, can't stop. | ||
| You've got to keep it going. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| I've seen people pause at the top. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can pause at the top for like one second. | |
| Let's start it high to low. | ||
| Ari, then me, then Tom, then Joe. | ||
| Wait, Tom can do more than you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| What's the most someone's ever done? | ||
| 10,500. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Are they Marky Mark pushups? | ||
| It's being questioned whether it's even possible. | ||
| If we do Marky Mark pushups, I can fuck shit up. | ||
| Your Marky Mark push-ups is just getting your head down. | ||
| Yeah, that's Marky Mark push-ups. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're going to make me tear a peck, because I'm going to go crazy. | |
| I'm going to go crazy, and I'm not going to want to lose to you ever in anything like this. | ||
| The problem is, here's the way it works with competition. | ||
| It's entirely mental. | ||
| Oh, you think? | ||
| How many is this guy doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those are real push-ups. | |
| He did 50 in 30 seconds. | ||
| That's pretty fucking good. | ||
| Good body on that guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's jacked. | |
| Good body, good beard. | ||
| Nice tits. | ||
| Nice hat. | ||
| Solid shoes. | ||
| I did 40 the other day in a row. | ||
| He is moving, dude. | ||
| He's going fast. | ||
| Well, that's how I do them explosive. | ||
| You're not supposed to touch your chest to the ground? | ||
| You can, you can't. | ||
| I do whatever. | ||
| That's pretty close. | ||
| I always click. | ||
| I want to hear a click from the chest strap. | ||
| That's a better push-up. | ||
| That's how I do a push-up. | ||
| The chest strap gets down there. | ||
| I go to the click. | ||
| Yeah, when the chest strap clicks, I go up. | ||
| Either chest strap or the tip of my nose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think you could probably do a few more than 40. I probably could do 50. I could definitely do 100. I don't know what I could do, but I would 100% be able to do 50 easy. | |
| Yeah, I know you could. | ||
| That's a big backoff from I can double you. | ||
| No, I definitely can't double him. | ||
| I should have said that. | ||
| When I said that, I was like, ooh, that could be a problem. | ||
| Joey backtracks. | ||
| Joey backtracks is taking it back right now because if he can do 50, I don't think I can do 100. He can't do 50. That fat piece of large. | ||
| He might be able to pull out 50 and completely herniated disc. | ||
| I don't think you can do 40. I just did 40 online the other day. | ||
| You said you did, but there's no proof of it. | ||
| Yeah, I videotaped it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You could probably do 28 and Joey could do 56. Well, we were waiting to see Roger Waters. | |
| I saw Ari do 10 girl push-ups. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| From his knees. | ||
| Dude, I started at four. | ||
| The way- Was my max out. | ||
| Joe's like, I get it. | ||
| Just do ten at a time. | ||
| What can you do right now? | ||
| My record- Let's blow it out right now. | ||
| I could do ten. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Let's say as many as you can do. | ||
| Ten? | ||
| I could do ten. | ||
| I could probably get up to twelve. | ||
| I got up to fourteen. | ||
| From four to fourteen. | ||
| Okay, that's a good improvement. | ||
| In a row. | ||
| That's really good. | ||
| That's a big improvement. | ||
| Triple. | ||
| Wait, oh, four to fourteen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I'm not listening. | ||
| So wait, when you guys did your push-ups, because I would do them, because I was afraid about tearing a pack, no joke, I would do 10 sets of 10. Yeah, I was doing 5 sets of 20. You have to be careful. | ||
| But the other thing is, like, you can do more work if you give yourself more rest. | ||
| That's that whole Pavel Tatsulin method of strength. | ||
| He says strength is a skill. | ||
| And if you do strength stuff, like, to the point where you're... | ||
| Shaking and you're not gonna do it the same way you would do it if you were fresh. | ||
| Don't you tear muscles and build them back up that way though? | ||
| No, that's not what he thinks. | ||
| I mean, and this is very controversial and a lot of people disagree, but one thing that I think is valid about it is that you don't get hurt as much. | ||
| Because like instead of doing one set of ten, I'll do two sets of five. | ||
| And instead of doing, you know, 30 reps over 3 sets, I'm doing 30 reps over 6 sets. | ||
| But I'm doing the same amount of work. | ||
| I'm just taking big breaks in between the work. | ||
| And they're probably better, it's probably better work. | ||
| Better form. | ||
| And then you're not, you don't get as sore either. | ||
| There's this homeless guy in New York, and every time he passes a scaffolding, he'll just do 10 pull-ups. | ||
| That'll make you strong as fuck. | ||
| And he is ripped. | ||
| Pull-ups would have been, in hindsight, pull-ups would have been the shit. | ||
| To be able to do 100 pull-ups a day would have been fucking insane. | ||
| Yeah, but here's the thing about that. | ||
| Pull-ups uniquely, especially for as big as you are, can uniquely damage your joints. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| At 380, it gets that big? | ||
| 900 pounds when you're doing you know a hundred in a day and you're you're having the D's hold on hold on hold on a second wait it's a good point do you think do you think that my push-ups are harder than your push-ups Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can you do a pull-up? | |
| No, they are harder. | ||
| His are harder. | ||
| Your bodyweight squats are harder. | ||
| Your chin-ups are harder. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| So then, here's the real question. | ||
| Do the math, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, I should do more work than you. | ||
| If we did push-ups per person, meaning 40 pushups for me is like 80 for you. | ||
| I don't think it is like 80, but it's definitely like 50. How many do you weigh in the show? | ||
| 225? | ||
| I weigh like 205 right now. | ||
| Same as Tom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're a foot shorter? | ||
| And we look the same. | ||
| I'm eight inches and a half. | ||
| Tom wears lifts. | ||
| If you fucking factored in fat, the biggest problem... | ||
| The other thing is, like, cardio is harder if you're heavier, right? | ||
| Like, if you're carrying your own body weight and you're doing a treadmill, that's fucking harder. | ||
| But doesn't your heartbeat get faster sooner? | ||
| In a regular push-up, you lift 64% of your body weight, whereas with a knee push-up, it's 49%. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| You do a lot of reps. | ||
| If you need to training, performing the push-up with hands elevated on a 24-inch bench will allow you to lift even less than a knee push-up at 41%. | ||
| Yeah, people do those when they're rehabbing chest injuries. | ||
| Knee push-ups? | ||
| Yeah, what, off a bench? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Or you can lean on, like, a long... | ||
| So how do we get us on the floor to push-ups? | ||
| If it was all even, first of all, it was all even. | ||
| Like, Tom and I would have an advantage that Tom and I work out all the time. | ||
| Like, Tom's been working out, like, basically two times a day for the past year. | ||
| And they're so short that it's almost like doing the push-ups. | ||
| I feel like it goes to Christmas past. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| I work out all the time. | ||
| I'm sure you do. | ||
| It's just a little different. | ||
| I work out. | ||
| My whoop. | ||
| Let me go through my whoop. | ||
| I'm sure you're about to have a heart attack. | ||
| Jamie, can you pull up my whoop stats? | ||
| That's not my point. | ||
| Jamie, Jamie. | ||
| My point is, Bert, you and I worked out together. | ||
| You and I worked out together. | ||
| You get after it. | ||
| Yeah, I get after it. | ||
| We worked out together with John Wolfe. | ||
| They're on my Instagram. | ||
| Take a look at the improvement I've had on my whoop. | ||
| You actually have a big improvement. | ||
| I didn't mean on whoop. | ||
| I just meant overall. | ||
| You physically look better. | ||
| Your face looks totally different. | ||
| I look better. | ||
| My thing will be reeling this. | ||
| Take a look at my WHOOP recovery. | ||
| Recovery's up 19%. | ||
| Heart rate variability's up 37%. | ||
| What does that mean, heart rate variability? | ||
| I don't know, but it sounds great. | ||
| Resting heart rate, 11%. | ||
| Sleep efficiency, 1.2%. | ||
| But his sleep proficiency is good. | ||
| It's 87%. | ||
| That part is amazing. | ||
| That's very good. | ||
| That WHOOP guy just did an explanation of HRV because I've tried to understand it like three different times and I still don't get it. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| I don't know, but... | ||
| All I know is I can tell you... | ||
| Oh, here it goes. | ||
| There's a variance and variability are two different things. | ||
| Heart rate variability is where the amount of time between your heartbeat fluctuates slightly, even though these fluctuations are undetectable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But we get it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| Ari's got to pee. | ||
| Go to the bathroom. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| So wait, do you think this month made you healthier? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it definitely did. | ||
| But it was also interesting to have to work out for a specific amount of calories every single day. | ||
| Can I tell you the part that I think is the best, though? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the accountability. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You have to do it. | ||
| You could tell me to do this on my own, and like, I still think I'd do it, but there's something about being accountable to your friends. | ||
| And also being public. | ||
| Like, I'm doing this every day. | ||
| Like, you know that people are like, you have to do this. | ||
| It changes it. | ||
| It changes the way your mental approach. | ||
| I also, like, developed some really good circuits. | ||
| I developed some really good ways that I could get, like, a full body workout and blast out, like, the same amount of calories. | ||
| And, like, for weightlifting, it was always, like, an hour and a half. | ||
| Because I'd take those times in between sets. | ||
| But for cardio, like, that echo bike, that rogue echo bike, that's the motherfucker of motherfuckers, I think. | ||
| Yeah, that thing's crazy. | ||
| Doing those sprints, those Tabata sprints. | ||
| So you do 20-second sprint, 10-second rest. | ||
| That was what I was, like, torturing myself with the most. | ||
| I did a lot of Peloton bike, which was great on cardio days. | ||
| And then the thing, if I needed to hit that calorie count and I had limited time, the best way for me was to do a kettlebell circuit. | ||
| And with very little brakes, it would just stay elevated. | ||
| I hate to be a remedial dude, but explain a kettlebell circuit. | ||
| So you do like cleans, like 10 reps, clean press, 10 reps, clean press, squat, 10 reps, windmill, 10 reps. | ||
| And no rest. | ||
| No rest. | ||
| No rest. | ||
| And you go through it. | ||
| Okay, I've done that. | ||
| We would add our push-ups to that. | ||
| So we would do like, let's say, swings into goblet squats, into split squats. | ||
| Put it down, 20 pushups, go back on. | ||
| So if you keep doing that, five sets of that, you knock out your 100 pushups. | ||
| And by the end of that, I wouldn't be at the 500, but I'd be close. | ||
| So if I was like, I just got to hit these 500 now, I could do it in a pretty limited amount of time. | ||
| How much time would it take you to do that? | ||
| I mean, that circuit would probably take me somewhere in the, I think in like the high 20s to low 30, something like that. | ||
| 30 minutes. | ||
| Maybe 28 minutes, something like that. | ||
| Wow, so your heart rate's just jacked. | ||
| His heart rate, so you weren't following his heart rates? | ||
| I was looking at y'all's heart rates, because I couldn't get mine up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I couldn't. | ||
| But you were also competing against something, you know what I mean? | ||
| Well, I have blood pressure medicine. | ||
| Right, so that's different. | ||
| Like, I'm on a bunch of pills. | ||
| Which is interesting, is one day I forgot all my pills, worked out, get to dinner, and I realize I haven't taken any of my blood pressure. | ||
| And I'm sober now, probably 28 days. | ||
| And I take my blood pressure just to see what's at. | ||
| It's fucking normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, what? | |
| And I was like, goddammit, man, I could be on no medication if I could party. | ||
| You could be. | ||
| Would you rather keep partying, or would you rather get on no medication? | ||
| Oh, that's a good question. | ||
| You know, I'll tell you right now, I have a list of things that are important. | ||
| Number one is not, I don't want a stroke. | ||
| That's number one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| No, but that's a game changer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I see dudes run down my street sometimes that have had a stroke, and you go, oh, now's when you're healthy. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You want to have all use of your body as much as we can at this point. | ||
| We've been through surgeries and whatnot. | ||
| But, like... | ||
| But also, I know that seeing a cardiologist regularly keeps me in the okay. | ||
| I need to regulate it somewhat better. | ||
| Because my lifestyle is not living at a place where I can party the way I used to. | ||
| I'm just working way too hard. | ||
| But I like partying. | ||
| I like fucking partying. | ||
| I think you just limit the amount of times you do it. | ||
| Go hard, but go hard on occasions where people are around. | ||
| Sorry, buddy. | ||
| Why don't you do the end of the week thing? | ||
| You go on the road, and you work Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then Saturday night. | ||
| You have your night, so you're healthy through the week. | ||
| It's like the equivalent of someone being like, I feel like eating fucking donuts. | ||
| You get to have them on Sunday. | ||
| You show up to the store, and for whatever reason, Norman and DeRosa are there. | ||
| You're like, oh, okay, let's go. | ||
| Okay, but then how often do you party in New York? | ||
| Because that's what you're talking about. | ||
| And I know already the answer. | ||
| A bit too often. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Because then it gets to the point where, like, well, nobody's here, but, yeah, I want a drink. | ||
| And then it's like, eh, this guy's here. | ||
| It'll do. | ||
| Hey, you want to go harsh? | ||
| Freddie Gibbs was at the store the other night. | ||
| I don't know if Freddie Gibbs was, but I'm a fan. | ||
| I saw him rap with this kid in his lap. | ||
| I thought it was cool as shit. | ||
| He walks back. | ||
| What's Freddie Gibbs? | ||
| Bee Gees? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And so Brian Moses introduces us. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, cool. | ||
| And they're like, hey, you want a drink? | ||
| Famous rapper. | ||
| And part of me goes, I know that tonight's not the night. | ||
| None of my friends are there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But if Freddie Gibbles wants to have a drink, I'm going to have a drink with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's the times when you shouldn't. | ||
| You should go... | ||
| Ah, nothing great's gonna happen out of the night. | ||
| You know, I should just leave and go home and get a good night's sleep and work out tomorrow. | ||
| But it's fucking Freddie Gibbs. | ||
| It's like, the guy's a great fucking... | ||
| But that phrase, nothing good's gonna happen, that's not necessarily true. | ||
| Because a good time, a good time's amazing. | ||
| And you gotta acknowledge that. | ||
| You've got to acknowledge that. | ||
| If you want to preach the benefits of being sober, you also have to acknowledge the benefits of having a good time while you're lit. | ||
| It is fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Because it's fun. | ||
| I was getting ready for my special. | ||
| I was like, let me not drink. | ||
| Let me not smoke for a while. | ||
| Let me get focused. | ||
| And one night in Kansas City, me and Anthony DeVito were there, and he also wasn't drinking. | ||
| And fucking Brian Regan was like, hey, I had a fucking theater show. | ||
| Do you mind if I come by your fucking late show and hang out? | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I mean, of course. | ||
| And then he goes, you want to have a couple cocktails? | ||
| And me and DeVito both looked at each other and was like, we're drinking tonight though, right? | ||
| He goes, yeah, 100%. | ||
| You've got to take off a night like that. | ||
| When it's a big thing, somebody's wedding, your brother's wedding, something like that. | ||
| But do you think you can do that? | ||
| That's the real question. | ||
| That's not what you want to do. | ||
| That's not what you want to do. | ||
| You want to devour life. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| Yeah, you're a fucking animal. | ||
| We're all going to die one day. | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| Probably you quicker than us, but yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably quicker. | |
| I bet I'll live all you motherfuckers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| I'll take that bet. | ||
| First of all, how dare you? | ||
| I bet I outlive. | ||
| This is coming from the guy who said he could do the splits. | ||
| Can you guys, no one here alive will be able to play this. | ||
| Can you play this at my funeral? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Play this at my funeral, and then everyone's going to go, I would hope that would make you sad if we're all dead and you're alive and you're right and you're going to play it at the funeral. | ||
| No, it means I win Summer October! | ||
| Imagine, he's like, I fucking told those guys. | ||
| I'm gonna play you the video. | ||
| She plays us the video as him saying that he would outlive us after we're dead. | ||
| We can't play this in front of your family. | ||
| We can play it at the Comedians Memorial. | ||
| This clip, when you die first. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| I think the biggest departure from regular life for any of us is actually for you this month. | ||
| Because we're actually, I mean, he's obviously a lunatic, and then we are active. | ||
| But you don't do fucking shit. | ||
| You're like, oh my god, I did the stairs today. | ||
| I did stairs in my apartment. | ||
| It was like, I gotta do this at 1 a.m. | ||
| Yeah, you work out like that homeless guy you were talking about. | ||
| People in my building are like, what are you doing? | ||
| They're going to the laundry room and I'm like... | ||
| So wait, are you going to stick to any of it, you think? | ||
| I'm going to try to do... | ||
| Let's see you shirtless. | ||
| What? | ||
| I'd like to see you shirtless flexing. | ||
| If I had to bet, I'd say, no, that guy's not going to stick with it. | ||
| But in my head, I'm like, three days a week would be nice. | ||
| You should do it, man. | ||
| And especially if you're like, 500 is a normal... | ||
| You can get that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not crazy. | |
| You can say it's not just working out randomly. | ||
| You're going to feel better. | ||
| Don't you feel better this month? | ||
| Let me see your body. | ||
| Because I know there were some problem areas. | ||
| Your problem areas are gone. | ||
| Look at your abs coming in. | ||
| You had that little belly pocket. | ||
| Your six-pack. | ||
| Look at that thing, man. | ||
| You look good, bro. | ||
| You look good, Ari. | ||
| When I had to trade Roger Waters' asset for sit-ups. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| If you can keep doing this, you can keep that. | ||
| And you could even get better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smell. | |
| If you can keep working out, like just, I mean, that 500 a day is not that fucking hard. | ||
| It's really not. | ||
| It's about 45 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, it's about 45 minutes if you're doing stuff hard where your heart rate's jacked. | ||
| And if you're doing like weightlifting, it's probably like an hour and a half. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's not that hard. | ||
| The benefit of the lack of anxiety is fucking extraordinary. | ||
| I don't know how you guys are. | ||
| My anxiety is so far down. | ||
| My skin is better. | ||
| My crowd work is at an all-time high. | ||
| Your brain's up, firing differently. | ||
| I really think that you need that. | ||
| I think that's what humans are supposed to do. | ||
| They're supposed to have physical activity in their life. | ||
| Especially late in your 30s like this. | ||
| You're supposed to get after it. | ||
| Also, you can do normal things. | ||
| We don't all have access to the fucking Madison Square Garden, you know, workout gym that Bert has and shit like that. | ||
| But, like, we can all do... | ||
| I can just jump on a city bike and bike for 40 minutes. | ||
| Well, what you did in your fucking staircase. | ||
| You just would walk stairs. | ||
| It's also that thing where, like, the older you get, the more resources you have, and the easier you can make life. | ||
| And, like, when you force yourself to be uncomfortable... | ||
| Workouts can sometimes be the only uncomfortable part of your day. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's a very important thing. | ||
| You can be very comfortable all the time. | ||
| Coming home at 1am going, I'm done! | ||
| And you're like, fuck! | ||
| These fucking assholes are my friends! | ||
| I gotta do this fucking thing! | ||
| I'm done! | ||
| Yeah, but you're one of those assholes too, bro. | ||
| You are. | ||
| You can't blame us. | ||
| I feel a little, like, blamed. | ||
| Because, like, you blame us while you're doing this thing that you agreed to. | ||
| We all agreed to it. | ||
| Imagine if he drugged you. | ||
| But there's a powerful thing involved in having that ultimate accountability. | ||
| Like, you have to do it. | ||
| You gotta do it. | ||
| You gotta mail in that text. | ||
| I'm coming up with... | ||
| I'd be interested if we should all do it, but I would like to do another thing. | ||
| What? | ||
| Like this. | ||
| Another challenge. | ||
| Like a hundred squats a day, or air squats. | ||
| Just something so that I have to pay a tax at the end of the day. | ||
| Actually, we should do that. | ||
| We should come up with that today. | ||
| And I think because you asked for it, we should definitely challenge you to something. | ||
| We can all do it, but I'm saying... | ||
| Challenge me to what? | ||
| Like you're saying, an additional challenge would be for... | ||
| I'd be up for it. | ||
| The sit-ups were pretty cool. | ||
| I can't get involved in competition. | ||
| No, no, not like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, challenge. | |
| Not competition, challenge. | ||
| Sort of like October just was. | ||
| It wasn't... | ||
| I love your brain. | ||
| Your brain... | ||
| You know your brain's adjacent to mine, right? | ||
| I'm sure they're neighbors. | ||
| They're next-door neighbors, and they both don't like who moved in across the street. | ||
| Well, that's why I get so upset when you talk shit. | ||
| But so, this is what I'm saying. | ||
| It's not a competition. | ||
| He's saying a challenge, like, as in... | ||
| How's your workouts going? | ||
| Like, no, no. | ||
| Like, a hundred a day push. | ||
| Like, we should do another one for November, because he's asking for it. | ||
| I know what that means with him. | ||
| He wants you to say, we've got to do this every day. | ||
| Well, it would be smart if we continued doing something. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Just because of the benefit that we all got out of this month, if we want to pretend that that's temporary. | ||
| I don't want to start over at four pushups next year. | ||
| Yes, that's the thing. | ||
| It's like the benefit we all got out of that, what I got out of it, was this extreme alleviation of external worry and concern. | ||
| Extreme. | ||
| It's also you get rewards of going, hey guys, look what I did. | ||
| I tried this today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| How was that? | ||
| Oh, I called the battle bike that you did. | ||
| It was like, oh, you get to brag a little and people are like, oh, is that a good one? | ||
| Maybe I'll try that one. | ||
| It puts life into a more manageable frequency. | ||
| I got a challenge for us. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Bert's going to be on board. | ||
| You guys are going to be not. | ||
| We do rowing. | ||
| The rowing thing. | ||
| We finish it off with doing the Talisker cross-Atlantic journey. | ||
| Four-person row. | ||
| You're sucking the devil's dick right now, son. | ||
| I love your brain. | ||
| I love your fucking brain. | ||
| Tommy and I are going to be live broadcasting. | ||
| I love your brain. | ||
| Tommy and I will be live from your mom's house studios. | ||
| We can do it. | ||
| How far? | ||
| How far? | ||
| It's like two or three weeks. | ||
| Three weeks. | ||
| Three weeks of rowing. | ||
| Jamie. | ||
| We'll have a boat trailing us the whole time. | ||
| I fucking love this. | ||
| And you knew he would love that shit. | ||
| Of course I did. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| I called it perfectly. | ||
| I love this. | ||
| Across the Atlantic. | ||
| Some of us. | ||
| I fucking love this. | ||
| Every day we take two and two, two and two. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the new Jewish conspiracy that I don't like. | |
| I fucking love this. | ||
| You can make your dumb videos? | ||
| I like this so much. | ||
| How long does it take, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two months? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For four people, it's going to take a lot longer. | |
| How many meters is it? | ||
| It's years. | ||
| It's a continent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know how much we would fucking hate each other at the end of this thing? | |
| Do you know how much we would hate each other? | ||
| Hang on. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| This is the best idea you've ever had in your life. | ||
| It's a terrible idea and you can all eat shit. | ||
| We all see if we can row across the Atlantic as a team. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the most brilliant thing I've ever fucking heard. | |
| I'm gonna miss you guys. | ||
| Joe, you have a rower here. | ||
| You can call into your families. | ||
| You know what I hate about you? | ||
| What? | ||
| You knew to fucking send this to Dum Dum first. | ||
| And then you get them all excited. | ||
| This is brilliant. | ||
| This is better than my teaser. | ||
| This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Ari, this is fucking genius. | ||
| And we can bring talent still with us. | ||
| Nice to be lit together, boy. | ||
| It feels good to be drunk again. | ||
| This is fun times. | ||
| This is like what I miss. | ||
| The ridiculousness of our conversations. | ||
| Look at the exultion! | ||
| Don't you want exultion? | ||
| They look jacked though. | ||
| They jacked as fuck. | ||
| How many miles is it? | ||
| Let's break it down to meters. | ||
| Do you think that guy looks like that when he nuts? | ||
| I think that's what he does when he nuts. | ||
| Go back to that picture. | ||
| Girls do it, dude! | ||
| When he nuts. | ||
| That's what he looks like. | ||
| Rowing is the shit. | ||
| We have a trailer boat. | ||
| We can't get in trouble. | ||
| I carry a rower in my torus. | ||
| You guys are so dumb. | ||
| 3,000 miles. | ||
| Cut it into meters. | ||
| You guys are so dumb. | ||
| It hurts my feelings. | ||
| Dude, it's such a good idea. | ||
| What time of the year is it? | ||
| Jamie, what time of the year is it? | ||
| I like that whiskey sponsors it. | ||
| Yup. | ||
| You guys are high as fuck. | ||
| This is never happening. | ||
| 1.5 million strokes per race. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's deep. | |
| It's only five miles deep. | ||
| We're not going down. | ||
| The guy that discovered Hawaii. | ||
| 20 foot high waves? | ||
| Bro. | ||
| This guy was kept company by a whale for seven days. | ||
| The guy finished it in 29 days, 14 hours and 34 minutes, and he's a fucking champ. | ||
| That's a four-man team. | ||
| That's a four-man team. | ||
| We can podcast on there. | ||
| You're going to lose about 18 pounds on it. | ||
| This is all nonsense now. | ||
| We've entered into nonsense. | ||
| Alright, what if we did it on rowing machines? | ||
| No! | ||
| No, they're smaller ones. | ||
| I bet you could do a weak one at whiskey. | ||
| What if we did it on rowing machines? | ||
| You guys are far drunker than I, clearly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at these guys. | |
| I bet you could do it in a one-week one. | ||
| Those guys are fucking studs. | ||
| Those guys are jacks. | ||
| That's us! | ||
| That's us! | ||
|
unidentified
|
In a better world, that's us! | |
| He's all middle-aged. | ||
| You got me. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| How cool would it be? | ||
| It would be terrible if you have a torn rotator cuff in the middle of the fucking ocean. | ||
| You'll have a trail of doctors on the boat behind us. | ||
| Goddammit, how do you know me so well and my wife doesn't? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Of course. | ||
| You guys should suck each other off right now to end this podcast. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. | ||
| What's our... | ||
| But I do like that energy of we all... | ||
| There's a week-long challenge out there. | ||
| But even if it's just at home and we all did a certain amount of calories on a rower or on a treadmill... | ||
| You need something for November. | ||
| What's your November challenge? | ||
| I know you. | ||
| You need a November challenge. | ||
| You really do. | ||
| We need to ride this out. | ||
| We've got it going. | ||
| Let's not turn off the momentum. | ||
| Sit-ups is good. | ||
| I'd add that. | ||
| Sit-ups are great. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Crunches, sit-ups, yeah. | ||
| That's not my hardest thing. | ||
| I do one thing where I do a whole bodyweight circuit one day, where I start with chin-ups, and then I go from chin-ups to dips, and then I go dips to these kind of chin-ups, like a different grip, and then I go from that to push-ups, and then I go from that to bodyweight squats. | ||
| You know what was fucking rad? | ||
| Coach Wolf? | ||
| John Wolf? | ||
| John Wolf. | ||
| So who we know, everybody knows. | ||
| I went there one day, and he did this mobility, like... | ||
| Like the hip stuff? | ||
| Warm up, but it was full body, just to pre-workout, and it felt like a fucking full... | ||
| He's like, now we're... | ||
| It was like 20 minutes, 30 minutes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If we can get, like, we all see some video that we like, like, do this every day. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| I mean, it felt like a full fucking body workout. | ||
| It was just his mobility stuff. | ||
| Who's the gay guy with the short shorts? | ||
| Let's all do that one. | ||
| Richard Simmons? | ||
| Richard Simmons. | ||
| Let's all do Richard Smith's workout. | ||
| Those are hard. | ||
| Those are hard workouts. | ||
| Why don't we get Wolf to give us... | ||
| Sweating to the oldies. | ||
| Why don't we get Wolf to give us a mobility workout? | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| Or we can get Wolf to give us a different workout every day, and we have to do it. | ||
| But the problem with that is you guys are touring. | ||
| But you want something that... | ||
| This mobility stuff was also like... | ||
| I want to say, except for one part of it where we used kettlebells, it was all using your body. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I like the body stuff. | ||
| And all this stuff that you're like, holy shit, you feel your body working so hard. | ||
| And it was just the precursor to the workout. | ||
| It was pretty awesome. | ||
| I did Nate's workout once. | ||
| I saw him in Vegas. | ||
| He was at ScanFest one day. | ||
| No, Nate Bargazzi. | ||
| And he has a trainer on the road with him. | ||
| And he was like, he gave me the workout for the day. | ||
| I just did it with him. | ||
| And it was a lot of like, put your leg up on a thing and then dip, dips, dips, and then like walk across the gym with holding a weight, then do push-ups. | ||
| Farmer's walks, yeah. | ||
| It was tough. | ||
| It didn't get your 500 calories, but I was sore all over the next day. | ||
| That kind of farmer's walk shit, they say that's like one of the best workouts for your core. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, farmer's walk. | |
| You're supposed to do it in, you know what that is? | ||
| Where you hold weights and just walk around. | ||
| Yeah, you just walk around. | ||
| But they say the key is to actually hold it in one hand. | ||
| The key is to do one hand, one side, like a heavy weight on one side, because you have to compensate with the other side, and then you switch. | ||
| And then doing it with two, it's almost like you let the weights hang down, they balance each other out. | ||
| It actually makes it a little easier than doing it with one in each hand. | ||
| One all the way down, all the way back, push-ups, then the other all the way down, all the way back, push-ups. | ||
| Because you have to balance out that way, instead of the weights balancing you out. | ||
| Is there something that, like, And I say this, I wish I knew what I was saying, but like Keith Weber in like a, like the cool thing about push-ups is that I knew that I could just get out of bed and go do them. | ||
| I would like a squat push-up. | ||
| But that's what I'm alluding to for this mobility stuff, is getting one that is without weights. | ||
| Because somebody like him can design one that is challenging as fuck, but is without weights. | ||
| Also, if you can do it through the day, I was at Billy Joel, and I was with Sal and Justin Silver and Big J, and they're like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| I'm doing push-ups. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Like, I have to get these in. | ||
| You did them in the Roger Waters green room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just gotta get them in. | ||
| Yeah, I like that. | ||
| We're going to see Roger Waters and Ari's in there banging out his push-ups. | ||
| Can you get John Wolfe on the phone to talk about... | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| ...right now so that we can solidify it. | ||
| No, I don't want to call him right now. | ||
| I'll call him. | ||
| That's rude. | ||
| Call him. | ||
| Bring him into a podcast. | ||
| We'll talk about him afterwards. | ||
| We'll figure something out afterwards. | ||
| I think we have to announce it now. | ||
| We can come up with a thing right now. | ||
| I like body squats. | ||
| I only just recently started getting low on a body squat. | ||
| We can 100% get stuff to Ari. | ||
| If you want some kettlebells, we can ship you some kettlebells. | ||
| So we can have them there for you. | ||
| Dude, let's do it. | ||
| It has to be small. | ||
| Yeah, they can be real small. | ||
| Kettlebell, you know, like a 25-pound kettlebell is like that big. | ||
| I can store those somewhere. | ||
| And that's a good weight. | ||
| I have no space. | ||
| Like, it sounds like a lightweight, but it's really not. | ||
| Like, if you do, like, all that bodyweight stuff with a 25-pound kettlebell, like that guy, Keith Weber, he has his extreme cardio kettlebell workouts. | ||
| Six-minute workouts, one of the best workouts I've ever done. | ||
| I'll tell you as the weakest member of this group. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Go! | ||
| He's happy you admitted that. | ||
| Go smaller than what people say and just do it. | ||
| Everyone's like, ah, do 25. Like, do 10 and just get it done. | ||
| You'll be completely worn out and you're still getting it done. | ||
| Doing too much, that's when your knee gets injured. | ||
| Yeah, don't go too hard too quick. | ||
| Especially if you don't have experience with exercise. | ||
| It's really important to build up slow. | ||
| You gotta get better the same way you got sick. | ||
| Warm up anyway. | ||
| Warming up is... | ||
| Warming up's the fucking key. | ||
| Can I tell you the silliest thing? | ||
| I had a moment of a... | ||
| Ari's banging out push-ups. | ||
| 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. He looks like a Popeye cartoon. | ||
| 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 15, 15, 15. You got fifteen. | ||
| Push it, push it. | ||
| Fifteen. | ||
| You got one more. | ||
| You got one more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sixteen. | |
| One more in ya. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sixteen. | |
| Big breath. | ||
| Sixteen. | ||
| And then rest at the bottom. | ||
| Sixteen. | ||
| Rest at the bottom. | ||
| And then throw yourself up. | ||
| Fifteen and a quarter. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Alright, here we go. | ||
| That's pretty strong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-oh. | |
| Considering like you were at six, right? | ||
| The record's four. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| What was the first, when you started out, what'd you start off at? | ||
| Six the first time, and then I got wobble arms, and then it was four after that. | ||
| I got a P2. What's he doing? | ||
| I got a fist, I got a fist. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Everybody, tune into your mom's house every Monday for exciting new content and Garth Brooks shit-a-thons. | ||
| Monday's is Two Bears, One Cave. | ||
| Two Bears, One Cave is every Monday. | ||
| Where your mom says every Wednesday. | ||
| Trying to get Bert Drew on tomorrow morning. | ||
| We will see. | ||
| The Danny Brown Show is on Tuesdays. | ||
| Start with my episode of the Danny Brown Show. | ||
| It's exciting, just like the Kumya show we were talking about before. | ||
| Crazy fun green screens. | ||
| It's like old school, fucking Adult Swim style. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Danny Brown Show, he gets after it. | ||
| Dr. Drew on Thursdays. | ||
| It's all there at the YMH YouTube channel. | ||
| Dude, so that was 15? | ||
| That was my record. | ||
| Don't you want to keep going though? | ||
| I don't mean right now. | ||
| I mean like through the next month. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| You got to keep going. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to be, dude. | ||
| I'll tell you when you, you probably have this, when people go, hey, you're looking better. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And you're like, oh, that's nice. | ||
| When they can't help but say something. | ||
| That's a nice motivation. | ||
| Skin's cleaner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know because here's the thing. | ||
| You don't want to let that go. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The fact that when people haven't seen you in a while, they're like, damn, dude. | ||
| Oh, you must get that. | ||
| You lost, what, 130? | ||
| No. | ||
| Since April, 32. Dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're on a level of, right now, 205. I know. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| 2003 was the last time I weighed that. | ||
| That's nutty. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I can't believe how fucking fat I got. | ||
| When I saw you... | ||
| The first time I went to your new studio. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I didn't know. | ||
| I'm kind of off social media, so I didn't see posts or anything. | ||
| And you're just like, as soon as you see it, you're like, whoa, dude! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're vastly different. | ||
| And that was before all this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| That was probably 25 pounds ago, 30 pounds ago. | ||
| That's just being, just trying. | ||
| Just trying a little. | ||
| It's all stuff that you should, you know what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It's that we all do things like for a little bit and then you kind of go, it's just being consistent. | ||
| Be mindful about this is what I do. | ||
| Just being consistent with it, yeah. | ||
| Not eating like an asshole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Working out regularly. | ||
| There are these guys in my building next door to me and they were all pitchers at Harvard two years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you see them go to the laundry room with their shirts off because they're washing everything and you're like, God damn it, you're fucking ripped. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ripped. | |
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| That's rad. | ||
| I'm not that ripped. | ||
| How many do you think I can do right now? | ||
| I think you can do your 40. I don't know. | ||
| Are you going to do it? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I got 15. I'm so fucking stoked. | ||
| You'll be able to feel right away whether you can do it. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Do it naked. | ||
| I don't think you need to be naked. | ||
| Don't do it naked. | ||
| Bert, what are you doing? | ||
| Keep that shirt on. | ||
| It's for propaganda. | ||
| It's extra weight. | ||
| Just getting on my knees. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're used to it. | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Count them out, Joe. | ||
| 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33... | ||
| By the way, none of those count. | ||
| None of those are legit. | ||
| Not a single one. | ||
| Not a single one was legitimate. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| All of them were half push-ups. | ||
| No, I was happy for you. | ||
| Oh, fuck you guys. | ||
| No, I was happy for you. | ||
| I was counting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
None of them were legit. | |
| You barely doubled me. | ||
| No, I just stopped because I'm not going to do the, oh, those are real push-up game. | ||
| I don't think they're real. | ||
| It's a fun game. | ||
| I thought your push-ups were legit, Ari. | ||
| Let's see a Joe Rogan push-up. | ||
| Let's see a Joe Rogan push-up. | ||
| I don't want to hurt myself. | ||
| Just don't go for 100. Just do a... | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It better be... | ||
| Wait, for real, mine didn't look real? | ||
| No, it looked real. | ||
| How far down is a push-up? | ||
| Is it here? | ||
| It's your belly, I thought. | ||
| No, you didn't go to your belly, son. | ||
| I know. | ||
| How far down? | ||
| What are we agreeing on? | ||
| Do a real push-up. | ||
| This is a real one. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| I'll count it. | ||
| 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 3, 4, 5, | ||
| 6, 7, 8, 9, 40. He's gonna get crazy now. | ||
| Alright, you're good man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's gotta do 66. That was brain. | |
| All right, 70. | ||
| 70, keep going. | ||
| Five more, five more, five more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Four, 75. | |
| Wow, dude, fucking nice. | ||
| How many was that? | ||
| 75. 75 push-ups. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| 75. Pretty impressive. | ||
| Tucker Carlson can't do that. | ||
| I didn't hurt myself. | ||
| I was legitimately worried. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah, I was going to go too far. | ||
| 75 is a lot. | ||
| Good job, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks. | |
| You can't talk to breathe. | ||
| No one can breathe after they do push-ups. | ||
| Wow, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
75, bro. | |
| Way to go. | ||
| 75 push-ups is impressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking shit. | |
| Now it's time for old Tommy two dips. | ||
| I gotta do push-ups too? | ||
| Yeah, but Tommy has a real issue. | ||
| Yeah, moves back. | ||
| Tell everybody your issue. | ||
| I got this... | ||
| Some dude came on his back. | ||
| Some guy came on my back. | ||
| No, I went to see my nerve doctor for my arm, and he noticed that the left side of my back has atrophied, you know? | ||
| And so I thought it was related to the injury and recovering. | ||
| Because when I was injured, obviously you didn't do anything. | ||
| So then you come back and I've been active since then. | ||
| But I have pain a lot of times in my arm or in my lats and weird pains in my shoulder. | ||
| So I'm like, yeah, it's all related to recovering from this injury. | ||
| So he saw me do a push-up without a shirt on. | ||
| He's like, the right side of your back is fully developed, and you can see that the left side is not. | ||
| And he said that we have to verify it, that it's... | ||
| Homosexuality? | ||
| Homosexuality, but it's also related to what he thinks is nerve compression originating from the spine, but unrelated to my injury. | ||
| So that the nerve is not firing. | ||
| It was always there? | ||
| It might have not been unrelated. | ||
| The way you fell, you could have easily hurt that in the process. | ||
| You're right, and it could be that. | ||
| But wait, so what does it do? | ||
| Well, it's just that everything's not firing as well on the left side. | ||
| So there's less muscle development in my back. | ||
| Things that are painful, like lat pull-downs at a certain weight, you know, I can feel it. | ||
| Oh, for real? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you get an MRI? I'm getting one. | |
| Do you do workouts around it? | ||
| No. | ||
| What they told me, because I've been doing it for a while now, is just to be mindful of if something hurts, sometimes you go, I'll just keep going. | ||
| Dial it back. | ||
| Don't get injured. | ||
| It was bizarre. | ||
| He showed it to us. | ||
| You could literally see it. | ||
| I can still do push-ups, but you just feel it differently. | ||
| With weight, I definitely had different weights. | ||
| I heard a doctor at a Something, not my doctor, but he said the problem with a lot of people in their 40s and 50s is they don't have explosive strength, but they still have explosive movements. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| Deconditioned athletes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah, nobody's 75 jumps up a stair, jumps down eight stairs. | ||
| I gotta give Tate Fletcher props for that. | ||
| He was talking about us being athletic and thinking that we could still do this shit. | ||
| We tried to do this grouse grounder. | ||
| And Tate was like, no, you guys are deconditioned athletes. | ||
| Because you did it when you were younger, you think you can always do it, and that's why you go out and do it. | ||
| But you can't do it. | ||
| You're an old man. | ||
| That's how you get hurt. | ||
| Coffee? | ||
| Water. | ||
| Water. | ||
| It's interesting to me because with these push-ups, I realized for the first time... | ||
| I never realized I could get hurt until I got hurt. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You didn't know? | ||
| No, I didn't know you could get hurt. | ||
| I thought that's just like, oh, you just go back on there and try to jump as high as you can. | ||
| Isn't it funny watching a non-ethnic, somebody used to be, somebody in their 40s, A basketball goes up, and they're like, okay, I can shoot, and they shoot like, what's wrong with you? | ||
| Because you still remember the right form. | ||
| If you don't work your body out, it starts to fucking slip away, kids. | ||
| Dude, this has changed. | ||
| Our cameraman on our bus started listening to the way we were talking about doing push-ups, and the whole concept that if you are not lifting weights into your 50s, You are letting your body deteriorate. | ||
| Fucked him up. | ||
| And he was like, I don't want to be just some old man whose shoulders look like a coat hanger. | ||
| And he started doing push-ups and started working out and got through a ton of trauma from the way his brain worked in a gym. | ||
| Because gyms are not the most... | ||
| We're never the most welcoming environment for guys our age. | ||
| It wasn't like everyone was like, hey man, what are your pronouns? | ||
| Come in and try bench press. | ||
| It was like, fucking, come here, bitch. | ||
| Oh, he got pinned. | ||
| Leave him there. | ||
| Leave him there. | ||
| He figures it out for himself. | ||
| Fuck him, you know? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Where the fuck were you working out? | ||
| In Florida. | ||
| They let you get pinned under a bench press? | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| Do you remember when we all bench press drunk? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| 225. 225. It pinned you. | ||
| It pinned me, and it fucked me up. | ||
| It fucked me up. | ||
| You couldn't do it. | ||
| You couldn't do it either. | ||
| I did do it. | ||
| You don't remember it. | ||
| I did do it. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| I have no memory of this. | ||
| You can ask him out there. | ||
| He was there, too. | ||
| Wait, when? | ||
| When we did it drunk. | ||
| I remember Joe did it and fucking hurt himself. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| You don't remember it well. | ||
| It wasn't in Austin. | ||
| It wasn't in Austin. | ||
| I did not hurt myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was in L.A. It was in L.A. Listen. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| I 100% have already had some weird shit going on with my shoulder. | ||
| You don't remember it well. | ||
| I'm going to hurt myself. | ||
| You don't remember it. | ||
| I didn't hurt myself doing that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Call that clip. | |
| Joe Rogan making an excuse. | ||
| I know you don't remember it. | ||
| No, I did it easy. | ||
| I remember it to a T. You couldn't do it. | ||
| 225. You couldn't do it. | ||
| I'll do it five times now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I busted out a rep. | |
| I busted out one rep. | ||
| And even you were like, holy shit. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| And then he came out and he did nine reps. | ||
| I did way more than nine reps. | ||
| No, you did nine reps. | ||
| I did more than nine reps. | ||
| I did 12. That's what I could do. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That time? | ||
| 100%, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I remember that. | |
| Laura, you got pinned, right? | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I was at 12. Literally, weed gives me no memory of any of this. | ||
| I don't even do it. | ||
| I don't even do it, but I remember doing it that day and oh now I know I could do 12 reps at 225. I thought I was 9. Drunk. | ||
| No, no, it was 12. Because I don't do it at all. | ||
| So it was weird to me that I, even though just through doing kettlebells, which it never gets heavier than 70 pounds, I still maintain strength to do 12 reps at 225. That's a lot. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| But now you can do it. | ||
| Yeah, I can. | ||
| I thought we all got pinned. | ||
| No. | ||
| I've been telling that story pretty long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a lie. | |
| You thought I got hurt. | ||
| Joe got hurt. | ||
| You never be the same again. | ||
| Do you remember him? | ||
| I remember you going like, I think I fucked my chest up. | ||
| I did a lot there. | ||
| I think I probably said I could have fucked my chest up because I'm a moron. | ||
| Yes, you did say that. | ||
| And I'm drunk, bench pressing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Okay, then that's what I should have said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I don't bench press. | |
| Because I remember saying I don't do this. | ||
| I'm going to see a bird story on video, and it starts with two screens. | ||
| One is bird story, one is what happened. | ||
| And they start the same for a while, and then the right side of the screen just starts shifting into a whole different dimension. | ||
| It might always be better. | ||
| It might always be better. | ||
| Facts. | ||
| Facts. | ||
| You could go bang out five reps right now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of 225? | ||
| Don't get hurt. | ||
| 225. Pounds. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can do 260, 255. Unfortunately, we have a gem right next door. | |
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| That is unfortunate. | ||
| We're going to have to find out. | ||
| I think we're going to have to find out. | ||
| I love this, though. | ||
| This is what you want. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are we going to find out? | |
| What do we do? | ||
| Competing? | ||
| What's the worst that happens? | ||
| I get pinned again? | ||
| Are we competing? | ||
| We're not competing. | ||
| We're not competing. | ||
| Don't get into this. | ||
| We'll save this for the Talisker Cross-Atlantic Challenge. | ||
| Why do you have a similar reaction to me that I have to you? | ||
| Similar. | ||
| This is true. | ||
| It's very similar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why do you have that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why do you? | ||
| You fucking always pass the buck to other people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think I feel like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I really don't know. | ||
| I should have been in therapy this entire fucking month. | ||
| I think you respond really well to genuinely being told you can't do something. | ||
| I love... | ||
| I think I'm magic. | ||
| And I feel like when you say I can't do it, I can't. | ||
| Well, I think that's the secret to your success, in a lot of ways, is that enthusiasm for these divine moments. | ||
| Like, legitimately divine moments. | ||
| A moment when you're fucking, we talked about this before, like, Bert's the guy, you give him a basketball, he never practices, he fucking swishes it from mid-court in front of 15,000 people, and everybody goes crazy. | ||
| Just like when you were on that show and you shot the fucking bullseye with an arrow. | ||
| You weren't practicing. | ||
| You just did it. | ||
| And so you have like a deep, almost like soulful, spiritual connection to those kind of moments. | ||
| That's what I love about... | ||
| That's what I love about... | ||
| Sports is like, there was always that dude that you never thought would do it, and he could. | ||
| John Daly. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's your guy. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| That's your guy. | ||
| My guy. | ||
| John Daly, John Wells, David Wells. | ||
| I'm 100% the opposite of you in that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because my thing is everybody is this weird beginner, but if you just fucking keep figuring it out, you can get to this wild place of excellence. | ||
| It could be Batman. | ||
| Where it's repeatable. | ||
| Where you could do it over and over and over again. | ||
| Whatever the thing is that you're trying to do really well. | ||
| You can get better at it. | ||
| If you don't fuck things up with your body, you don't fuck things up with your brain, you can get better at it to the point where you achieve a level of excellence. | ||
| And you never count on divine moments. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I know you do! | ||
| I love the divine moments. | ||
| But that's why you guys have this interesting... | ||
| That's the yin and the yang! | ||
| Yeah, you're both Chinese. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's interesting that, and I love that about you, because I never appreciated it before until I started following guys like David Goggins and those guys. | ||
| But there's something in my soul that fucks me up, and I just go, I'll do 100 miles. | ||
| I know there is. | ||
| You want to row across the fucking ocean with stupid Ari over here. | ||
| That's the thing that excites me more than anything in the world. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| That's the sauce where I go, yeah, man. | ||
| Don't you feel it the way I feel it? | ||
| I love the idea of... | ||
| When I see David Goggins, I think I connect probably mostly with those David Goggins, Cam Haynes guys. | ||
| I connect with that speech. | ||
| It hits me in the heart and I go, yeah, man, I haven't done shit in a while, but I can do that. | ||
| Everybody feels like that. | ||
| That's why those guys are so popular. | ||
| When you did that marathon, it was like, no one thought you could do it. | ||
| No one did. | ||
| I thought he could do it, 100%. | ||
| No way you did. | ||
| 100% I did. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| I felt like if he runs five miles, which he was doing on a regular basis, he can run a marathon. | ||
| You just have to decide to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| No way. | ||
| You thought exactly the opposite of that. | ||
| I thought he wasn't going to do it. | ||
| But I thought he could do it. | ||
| No way he thought you could do it. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| He sounds like a hater. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| Not a hater. | ||
| Realist. | ||
| He hated that you did do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I did hate it. | |
| This goes against my whole world view. | ||
| You're supposed to work out to get things. | ||
| Not just fucking drink on a treadmill. | ||
| I did not hate it. | ||
| That's not the path to success. | ||
| Inaccurate. | ||
| That is defamatory. | ||
| And uncalled for. | ||
| When you know that my narrative has been nothing but the opposite. | ||
| Your Honor, I rest my case. | ||
| Joe is literally the most supportive guy for comedy and the least supportive of Burt's workout. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| Listen, I just don't like to hear nonsense. | ||
| Don, I want to hear you're in great shape. | ||
| So put... | ||
| Settle the fuck down. | ||
| Like, I'm not in great shape. | ||
| No, but you are. | ||
| You're in ridiculous shape right now. | ||
| Pretty good shape. | ||
| Dude, your pictures were retarded. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The pictures you sent to us were like you were trying to fuck us. | |
| I showed it to people. | ||
| I'm like, this seems like a Marvel green screen of a Photoshop. | ||
| I showed one to Leanne and she went like this. | ||
| She went, like a sound when a monkey falls out of a tree. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| It's ridiculous, bro. | ||
| It makes no sense that a body could be like that. | ||
| I want to leak them so bad you have no idea. | ||
| Be my friend. | ||
| Don't. | ||
| I am your friend. | ||
| That's why I text you. | ||
| They were nuts. | ||
| They were nuts. | ||
| You're so fucking big and it's just, it's crazy. | ||
| Bodies can't do that. | ||
| They can if you just don't let it go. | ||
| That's the number one key is you never let it go. | ||
| You never let your body slip away to the point where you can't like Do you understand, though, how many brains feel like yours and how many brains feel like mine? | ||
| Yes, I do! | ||
| The majority of brains feel like mine. | ||
| I recognize your brain pattern as being interesting, too. | ||
| It's attractive. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| We're here to party. | ||
| That's attractive, too. | ||
| But I feel like I would... | ||
| I like to, like, my goal next year is on the Fully Loaded Tour to get in shape where I can hit dingers one after another. | ||
| I want to hit, like, 15 home runs. | ||
| Dingers? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Oh, getting, like, real baseball shape. | ||
| He's playing baseball stadiums. | ||
| Yeah, I'm doing baseball stadiums, but I want to hit home run after home run after home run. | ||
| So someone throws a pitch in front of the whole crowd and you hit a home run and then you do your show. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| After the games, the teams really show up and do batting practice. | ||
| After the shows, you guys do batting practice? | ||
| Oh yeah, you guys shoot the videos. | ||
| Full loaded tour. | ||
| Coming next year to a fucking stadium near you. | ||
| That sounds amazing. | ||
| It's the funnest. | ||
| Hardcore Secret Time. | ||
| We're doing one in Austin. | ||
| And I would love for you guys to be a part of it. | ||
| When is that? | ||
| Okay, we'll talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so bad at this. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| No, that's not... | ||
| Wait, go to my fully loaded. | ||
| How good are you at baseball? | ||
| I'm pretty fucking amazing. | ||
| That was not a good point. | ||
| So when they throw fastballs at you, you get hit a fastball? | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just asking. | |
| You should have seen at the bachelor party, at Norman's bachelor party. | ||
| I'm doing it. | ||
| He comes in, and immediately he goes, Hey, Joe List, I saw your swing. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| It needs work. | ||
| Joe's like, what? | ||
| What the fuck's your problem, dude? | ||
| He's just antagonistic right from the start. | ||
| It's the way you deal with an athlete. | ||
| I played legit baseball. | ||
| I can tell you what's wrong with the swing. | ||
| Yeah, he's like, I can fix your swing. | ||
| You want a serious college baseball team? | ||
| Yeah, I got recruited by a bunch of colleges. | ||
| I got recruited by Citadel, Duke, went to play Florida State to walk on, and then within my first day, I was like, this isn't me. | ||
| They wanted me to catch a bullpen. | ||
| I just walked out left field fence. | ||
| Went back to Sally Hall, smoked a joint with Chili Willie, Chandler Perry, Paul Pizzo. | ||
| What happened to your baseball dreams? | ||
| I traded it for partying. | ||
| I actually legit traded it for partner. | ||
| So you were that good? | ||
| He makes $10 million a year by drinking. | ||
| I gotta be fair, and I only say this in the sense that you would be fair about this, I was not that good. | ||
| Meaning, I'm better than... | ||
| You were college good. | ||
| I was good enough to ride the bench in college. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So what's the point? | ||
| Yeah, and so I just saw the guy, I remember Coach Martin, I had a pledge pin on and he said, we can take that off right now. | ||
| You've got to play baseball or party. | ||
| And I remember legit going, I think I'm going to party. | ||
| Yeah, you know what, man? | ||
| That's the right approach. | ||
| Look, that's led you to being you. | ||
| The thing about athletes that I always tell this to fighters in particular, because I think it's the most dangerous of athletics other than football, right? | ||
| I say, if you're not obsessed with doing it, don't do it. | ||
| If you're not obsessed, because there's people out there that are going to be obsessed, and they're going to fuck you up. | ||
| They're going to fuck you up, those demons. | ||
| You see it with comedians all the time. | ||
| Yeah, if you're not obsessed with comedy, you're just bomb. | ||
| But you don't get brainwashed. | ||
| I'm obsessed with fucking comedy. | ||
| Or you'll see a comic who goes, yeah, I took a year off to write a book. | ||
| I'm back now. | ||
| And you're like, oh, no, you're not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's more? | ||
| Yeah, I am. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| The thing about sports for me is, I say this respectfully. | ||
| You see Jake Paul fight, right? | ||
| Jake Paul. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His name's Jake, and he's a great fighter. | |
| Beat Anderson Silva. | ||
| Knocked him down. | ||
| Yeah, he did. | ||
| It's wild as fuck. | ||
| I didn't see that one. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| This weekend. | ||
| Knocked down Anderson Silva. | ||
| But you can't deny that the dude's fucking athletic as fuck. | ||
| He's got chops for sure. | ||
| But people size you up based on what they see you as the first time. | ||
| So they see you as a Disney guy, and then they go, you'll never be a fighter. | ||
| And then you go, okay, I'm also something else. | ||
| And they see Anderson Silva as the 24-year-old fighter and not the 45-year-old fighter. | ||
| And by the way, we should point something out. | ||
| Some people are trying to say that that fight was fixed because of the knockdown. | ||
| If you please, if you find that, there's a video where people are questioning. | ||
| I just want to explain to people. | ||
| This is what happened. | ||
| Anderson moved forward to Jake Paul and Jake Paul hit him with a sort of a stepping jab and caught him right on the chin. | ||
| And when he caught him on the chin, Anderson Silva was falling backwards and then he leans away from the right hand and he goes down. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He was down from the punch. | ||
| But it looks like the right hand doesn't connect, and it doesn't connect. | ||
| But the left hand is what fucked him up. | ||
| That dude hits fucking hard. | ||
| And for anybody to say he doesn't hit hard because he's a YouTube star, if this guy was not a fucking YouTube star, and he was some dude who went out there and flatlined Tyron Woodley with one punch and just knocked down Anderson Silva in the fucking eighth round, right? | ||
| Draw him right there! | ||
| Watch that, dude. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dropped him. | ||
| I mean, that is legit as fuck. | ||
| Anybody says it's not legit is crazy. | ||
| He cracked him. | ||
| He's a fighter. | ||
| He's got the gay back tattoo of a fighter. | ||
| Dude, he can fight. | ||
| He can fight. | ||
| Is he the best in the world? | ||
| No. | ||
| But is he getting better with every fight? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Is he a 25-year-old guy who's a legit athlete? | ||
| He's 25? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Here's the question, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't he? | |
| Is he 25? | ||
| He's gotta be. | ||
| Twenty-four! | ||
| Excuse me, he's twenty-four, he's younger. | ||
| Listen, if this is what he wants to do, this guy is making a fucking insane amount of money, and he fucking loves it, and he's beating people that everybody says he shouldn't be in the fucking ring with. | ||
| But is he, hang on. | ||
| Because I'm not an internet guy as much as you guys. | ||
| Is he making a ton of money? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He is on these fights. | ||
| I don't follow this shit. | ||
| Just ask me. | ||
| He is on these fights. | ||
| It's his promotion that put this together. | ||
| I don't know how successful it was, but that's his promotion. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| A lot of people watched it. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| I know a lot of people are talking about it online. | ||
| But what money is he making? | ||
| Because Dana says he's not. | ||
| I don't know if Dana has access to the amount he's making. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if it's public. | ||
| I legitimately don't know. | ||
| I legitimately don't know. | ||
| But from what I understand, he's fucking the main seller of pay-per-view in these cards. | ||
| And these cards are doing pretty well. | ||
| So that means he's making some money. | ||
| Making some money. | ||
| You know, you be the judge of how much money he's making. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| He's made $40 million from his three fights in 2021. Well, there you go. | ||
| He's made $40 million fighting. | ||
| I mean, he's probably making as much, if not more, than any other boxer alive other than maybe say Tyson Fury. | ||
| And then he just adds on his Instagram. | ||
| Or maybe Canelo Alvarez. | ||
| Canelo is making probably the most of anybody, right? | ||
| Canelo's got a crazy contract. | ||
| Canelo is the fucking king of the kings, right? | ||
| But he's out for a while now. | ||
| He had to get like a wrist surgery. | ||
| He had a fucked up... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| Yeah, he had a fucked up wrist. | ||
| And it might take many, many months for him to get back. | ||
| So it's like, other than him, it's like Tyson Fury's the next big dog, and maybe the biggest of big dogs if he's fighting Usyk, right? | ||
| He makes more than those guys. | ||
| He makes more than all those guys? | ||
| No, not more than, but in that range, right? | ||
| Canelo's number one. | ||
| Canelo's number one, because he's basically, people think he's, other than Bival who just beat him, but Bival beat him in a weight class above his. | ||
| He's the pound for pound most people think. | ||
| The fact that the guy had the balls to go all the way up to 75 and not just knock out Kovalev, who was a former champion, but then take on Bivol, who's undefeated, at the top of his game, and lose a decision to him. | ||
| That's not even his weight class. | ||
| Not even close, yeah. | ||
| No, I mean, he really was at his prime at like 54, you know? | ||
| And he just... | ||
| You're talking about Canelo? | ||
| Yes, dude. | ||
| Canelo's fucking phenomenal. | ||
| I don't follow enough of this. | ||
| So he's probably the number one pay-per-view draw, along with Tyson Fury. | ||
| I think Tyson Fury's like, whenever the heavyweights go, so does boxing. | ||
| That's like an old saying. | ||
| With Tyson Fury being the fucking king, he's so marketable, and he's so extraordinary. | ||
| And his accomplishments, the fact that he beat Deontay, everybody gets knocked out. | ||
| Knocked out by Deontay Wilder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| He's the only one who gets off the deck and beats him. | ||
| The power punching is fucking insane. | ||
| And then stops him in the third fight. | ||
| I mean, dude, Tyson Fury's a fucking monster. | ||
| One of the greatest heavyweights of all time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unquestionably. | |
| Doesn't get the credit for it, though, really. | ||
| If he retires today, Tyson Fury goes down as one of the all-time greatest heavyweights. | ||
| He deserves to be mentioned with Joe Lewis and Mike Tyson. | ||
| Like, what would happen if those guys get together? | ||
| If he fought Lennox Lewis in his prime. | ||
| He's in that level. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
6'9". | |
| He's so good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's so big. | |
| Because no one cares about boxing as much anymore. | ||
| It's not the case. | ||
| It's just like there has to be big fights. | ||
| The UFC has big fights constantly. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| It's not as big as it was. | ||
| It was the only game in town before, and now UFC is the game in town. | ||
| I remember Dana White telling me, and it seemed unreasonable. | ||
| He goes, I want to be bigger than the NFL. And I was like, good luck, bro. | ||
| And he by far did it. | ||
| Hey, what's up with Dana White with the, hey, you'll be dead in five years. | ||
| Oh, he apparently went to some doctor who examined his lifestyle and Dana was overweight and he wasn't feeling well and he was having sleep apnea and all those different things. | ||
| And this doctor put him on a diet and exercise regime and said, listen, I've been really accurate about this kind of thing. | ||
| This is where this goes and this is nothing but bad news in the future if you don't make a radical change in your health and your lifestyle. | ||
| And so he started, basically he's kind of keto. | ||
| You know, like he cut out all the bullshit. | ||
| And look at him now. | ||
| He looks fucking great! | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| So he lost all this weight, got a six-pack now. | ||
| He looks so much different when you see him. | ||
| He's much healthier. | ||
| He feels much better. | ||
| He doesn't like drink wine at dinner and stuff? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, I haven't had dinner with him in a while. | ||
| Is he all carnivore now? | ||
| Is that what he's doing? | ||
| He's mostly eating like that kind of, you know, like mostly like ketogenic carnivore style. | ||
| Very low carbs, no bread, no bullshit, no pasta. | ||
| He's got something to eat. | ||
| Oh, hey. | ||
| You guys want to have dinner? | ||
| How long have we been doing? | ||
| Two and a half hours? | ||
| More. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, 245. You guys want to have dinner for real? | |
| Ultimately, this was a lot of fun. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| We have 15 more minutes of drinking. | ||
| But here's the thing about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a show at 830. For what? | |
| No, the show at the Vulcan. | ||
| You're on it first? | ||
| Yeah, but you guys are on it. | ||
| Come on, bitches. | ||
| You're on it? | ||
| Let's go have fun. | ||
| Can I just tell you an apology to fans out there? | ||
| Earlier in my career here, I was going to the Vulcan, and I was like, this is a workout room. | ||
| And then I realized that Joe was paying us $1,000 to do a set. | ||
| And I had to rethink... | ||
| What I was doing, and I'm like, this is not a workout show just because at a bar. | ||
| This is a fucking show. | ||
| And the last time, last two times, I was like, I'm going to bring it, guys. | ||
| And I apologize. | ||
| Shut the fuck up, Rory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I owe Tommy and fucking Jesus Christ. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, it's a real club. | ||
| You know, it's great. | ||
| These shows have been great. | ||
| They've been doing it with Bryan Simpson, David Lucas, and William Montgomery is on tonight. | ||
| Ron White was on the other night. | ||
| Tim Dillon's on tonight, too. | ||
| It's gonna be fun. | ||
| Tim Dillon's here? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Tim Dillon's doing tonight and tomorrow. | ||
| I gotta say this. | ||
| Tim Dillon is on the new episode of Something's Burning. | ||
| And it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so funny. | |
| It is the fuck. | ||
| He's such an elitist for food. | ||
| He's one of the funniest guys alive. | ||
| He's genuinely one of the best. | ||
| He's one of my all-time favorites already. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| He's so wild. | ||
| I would love nothing more than anything. | ||
| I would love to shit on a comic. | ||
| You know, it's the funnest thing we do behind everyone's back. | ||
| The funnest thing ever is to tell everyone how great someone is. | ||
| Tim Dillon is the greatest dude that's ever been on any podcast ever, including all of us. | ||
| That guy fucking murders. | ||
| This is what he's the best at of all time, ranting with a producer listening and him just going on rants, wears sunglasses. | ||
| That's like his drug. | ||
| This is how he's on drugs. | ||
| He just puts sunglasses on and he goes into the fucking fog world and his eyes roll behind his head. | ||
| It's the best guest you can ever have because you just lob one up. | ||
| Did we post a clip of him on Something's Burning? | ||
| Hold on, it's my favorite one. | ||
| Did I show you my favorite one, right? | ||
| I showed you my favorite. | ||
| I'm so glad you have control of that show back. | ||
| Oh, it's so nice. | ||
| To be able to do it your way. | ||
| It's so nice. | ||
| It's such a fun, good show, and people are seeing it now. | ||
| It's getting a million views. | ||
| You have to do things on your own. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on, hold on. | |
| That is my favorite. | ||
| Go back to one of the most embarrassing clips of all time. | ||
| Of me crying, dropping my daughter to college. | ||
| What a dork. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| I was showing my face change. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In... | |
| This is Tommy getting measured. | ||
| Sorry, Tom. | ||
| Look at that loser. | ||
| Go to the... | ||
| That's how skinny my face is compared to how fat it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I look like a different person, right? | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| Alright, can you play the audio to this? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, this is my favorite Tim Dillon thing he's ever said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Make a meal for me to save my life or I'll shoot you if it's okay. | ||
| Make a meal for you that's something that I feel like you would like. | ||
| I make... | ||
| A specialty I call Percocet pudding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was good. | |
| That wasn't it, by the way. | ||
| That wasn't it. | ||
| My favorite one is Whitney saying, I've had a fucking... | ||
| Goddammit, this is... | ||
| Should we find it? | ||
| I'm going to send it to you real quick. | ||
| It's so fucking good. | ||
| Tim Dillon is just fucking genius. | ||
| Yeah, he's great. | ||
| He's a national treasure. | ||
| Dude, I gotta tell you, I saw a Whitney set before she filmed. | ||
| I saw her at the Paramount. | ||
| It was really fucking funny, man. | ||
| She's fucking awesome. | ||
| She's caught her stride. | ||
| Whatever her stride is, she's so loose. | ||
| And she has so many fans now. | ||
| So people that are coming to see her are fans. | ||
| She doesn't give a fuck anymore. | ||
| Dude, she was so loose. | ||
| It was so fun to watch, man. | ||
| It was like, damn, like... | ||
| It's fun to watch people just come into their own, just become comfortable up there, just real loose. | ||
| The person that you know that makes you laugh at the back bar is the same person on stage. | ||
| That's when it's magic. | ||
| That really is. | ||
| The thing about Whitney that is great about her now is that she feels like she's doing jazz with her comedy. | ||
| Meaning, the thing that's beautiful about Chappelle Is that it's all jazz. | ||
| He is jazz. | ||
| It's just jazz. | ||
| And when you get someone like Whitney, who's a brilliant writer and a really great performer, to watch them get so comfortable into their act to get into jazz with it, that's when it's fucking beautiful. | ||
| It is, uh, hold on, I'm getting it for you. | ||
| It is my favorite thing. | ||
| My comedy's more like hair rock. | ||
| That's what I'm going for. | ||
| I'm going for poison. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid. | ||
| My great ideas that I followed. | ||
| Okay, this is it. | ||
| How did you find this? | ||
| How did you fucking find this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I do. | |
| That's what he does. | ||
| Goddammit. | ||
| This is the hardest I've laughed ever doing Something's Burning. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Why don't you start Methadone? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because it's a great way to reclaim your life. | |
| And so I was like, oh, if you guys all move to Texas, great. | ||
| I have all this land because I have money from all my great ideas that I follow through with. | ||
| One idea! | ||
| One idea that was kind of yours. | ||
| And other people's too. | ||
| And China. | ||
| One idea! | ||
|
unidentified
|
One idea. | |
| All you need is one good idea. | ||
| Ari wants it too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just gonna let you guys think that's where I've made most of my money. | |
| I would love to. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| Alright, cut it out. | ||
| Cut it out. | ||
| I look red as fuck. | ||
| This is my blood pressure. | ||
| Jesus, you do. | ||
| I know, I know, I know. | ||
| So, what is the comfortable medium between hardcore partying Burt and Burt that is gonna live for a long time? | ||
| You tell me. | ||
| You said to me a long time ago. | ||
| Twice a week heavy drinking. | ||
| Once a week normal. | ||
| Long time ago we walked into the store and you said this. | ||
| You've said a few things to me that... | ||
| You get Joe Rogan and then you get Joe Rogan as a friend where you do your eyes shift and you go, hey man, you got to stop drinking. | ||
| And I went, that's never going to happen. | ||
| So you tell me, what's the medium? | ||
| Because I'm not going to stop drinking. | ||
| I like this. | ||
| I like this energy. | ||
| Well, and you also are, unfortunately or fortunately, you are spreading mad joy to the world with that activity. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So it's kind of connected in some sort of a way. | ||
| But the key is like, how do you balance it out? | ||
| And how to like, what did we get out of this month? | ||
| And I think we got something out of this month. | ||
| And one thing that we all got is, if you are forced to do a hard workout every day, your anxiety becomes almost nothing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think it's working out, not the lack of booze and weed? | ||
| No, I guarantee you, it's the working out. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It burns out that part of your body that is worried about threats. | ||
| Like, if you think about the actual amount of exterior threats that become significant in your life, it's fairly low. | ||
| But all your life, you're, like, dealing with the fucking news of the world, and this and that, and this guy's got cancer, and he's afraid of that, and she's afraid of this, and everyone's on a medication, and there's all this chaos. | ||
| There's this always like this external thing and crime is up and look at all the tents and fucking traffic is all the fucking global warming and everything's happening and everybody's fucking stressed whether you need to be or not and the only thing that gets you out of that in my experience is something that you have to do that's hard because when things are hard you can only think about the thing you're doing. | ||
| So whether it's rowing or whether it's riding a fucking airdyne or whether it's doing a kettlebell circuit, when it's hard to do, you only think about the thing you're doing. | ||
| And it clears your mind and it releases your body of a certain amount of pent-up anxiety that it associates with physical conflict. | ||
| Your body associates stress with being attacked by predators, with physical conflict. | ||
| And if you can burn that out of your system with a workout, it puts you into a more reasonable level of anxiety. | ||
| I'm much calmer. | ||
| I'm much better with it. | ||
| It's really good for us. | ||
| It's just hard to do every day like we did it. | ||
| But because we all did it, we know right now, because we are at the end of it, that it's got wild benefits. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| Wild benefits, man. | ||
| Keep it going through November. | ||
| I do 500 calories every day. | ||
| I'm going to do 500 every fucking day. | ||
| That's unrealistic. | ||
| 500 every day is unrealistic. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| What is realistic to you? | ||
| Three days a week is still hard. | ||
| No, no, no, not for me. | ||
| Listen, I think we can all commit. | ||
| Why don't you commit to five days a week? | ||
| Five days a week. | ||
| If we commit to five days a week. | ||
| Travel days are so hard. | ||
| Yeah, but that's the whole point. | ||
| No, that's the point. | ||
| But you did it. | ||
| But you did it already. | ||
| And we all did it. | ||
| I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in. | ||
| It wasn't that hard. | ||
| It wasn't that hard. | ||
| Five days a week. | ||
| It was difficult, right? | ||
| Seven days a week. | ||
| It was difficult. | ||
| Challenging at times. | ||
| But it wasn't that hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not impossible. | |
| If you took just push-ups out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, at least you're on a beach somewhere on a vacation. | ||
| It's like, ugh, I gotta do fucking an hour right now. | ||
| Here's the thing about the push-ups. | ||
| I wonder if we're ultimately, like, putting ourselves at risk. | ||
| I think the 500 calories is the most important thing. | ||
| I think that's the most important thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I agree. | |
| The thing about the 100 push-ups is, like, we all did it, but I was getting... | ||
| Getting a weird fucking pain in my elbow. | ||
| I couldn't hold my phone to my ear. | ||
| I just keep switching hands. | ||
| But that was in the beginning because you didn't work out at all. | ||
| So you jumped into it. | ||
| Where I was already doing sets of push-ups. | ||
| But I wasn't doing 100 every single fucking day. | ||
| But I didn't think you could. | ||
| And then your body adapts. | ||
| Like your body realizes you have to. | ||
| I guess you have to. | ||
| You fucking do it every day. | ||
| And for me it was like as long as I didn't do long sets. | ||
| I only did sets of 20. And only one time I did 40. I was like, oh, I could do 40. 75, dude. | ||
| I thought 40... | ||
| 75's pretty legit, buddy. | ||
| I wonder if I warmed up if I could do more. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| Yeah, you could. | ||
| But I think four or five of the last ones were bullshit. | ||
| At least four. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of... | ||
| 32 of mine were pretty legit. | ||
| I got to some weird spot where I was like, I would call bullshit on that push-up. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Interesting enough. | ||
| But you realize that your body's capable more than you ask for it. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Your body's capable of much more. | ||
| I'm shocked at what I call bullshit. | ||
| I wouldn't be shocked at all. | ||
| I know exactly. | ||
| You lurked in the back of my mind. | ||
| You live there. | ||
| Let Burt drive you to success. | ||
| Yeah, if Burt fucking challenges me in any way, it just fucking ignites a fury inside of me. | ||
| If we had only got into this on stand-up, we'd be so much better. | ||
| Oh yeah, there's like two seven sets a day. | ||
| I wish I saw your stand-up the way I see your exercise. | ||
| Can we do that once? | ||
| My exercise is in stains. | ||
| Do five sets a day for five days a week? | ||
| That is possible, but we all have families and shit. | ||
| I think what we do is we do a fucking two-week, three-week run of just on the road, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, What? | ||
| And we just go straight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hard. | |
| Three weeks in, like, fucking August. | ||
| I don't like doing that, though. | ||
| I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| This is the thing that I don't like. | ||
| I don't like touring for long stretches of time. | ||
| That's what's kept me sane over the years. | ||
| It's like, I need, like, for me personally, I need, like, a balance of, like, being at home. | ||
| You've got to be able to think of ideas. | ||
| And being on the road for fun. | ||
| No, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| When I do shows, I love to do shows around Austin, and I love to do shows on the road, but I like to do a weekend, and I like to come back home. | ||
| Because I feel like, for me, there's a balance that you have to achieve with being a normal person and also being a comic. | ||
| You need something to draw from. | ||
| Tom and I feel the same way. | ||
| That's why he's coming all over Europe and Australia, and I'm there in Australia and Europe. | ||
| Changing Glasgow gigs to a massive theater, because the first theater sold out! | ||
| We are the identical opposite. | ||
| You and me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We go on the road hard as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, it's too much though. | ||
| I would not do what I did again. | ||
| Yeah, when I talked to you at your book thing in New York, and you were like, I have one week off. | ||
| I got offered succession for a week. | ||
| Now I don't have any time off. | ||
| It's just like, that seems frustrating. | ||
| I think this is the wrong way to do it. | ||
| You're wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You go hard. | ||
| You go fucking hard. | ||
| Dude, we're only alive for a little bit, and you get to fucking, fucking fill it up. | ||
| Yeah, but you gotta go on a skip trip. | ||
| I like other things, too. | ||
| I like a lot of other things, too. | ||
| And I think it makes my comedy better when I live my life in a way that makes other things interesting, too. | ||
| My take on it is different than your take on it. | ||
| It doesn't mean your take's wrong. | ||
| It's just that my take on it, for me... | ||
| I think it's completely unwise, what we're doing. | ||
| For me, to be mentally healthy, I don't like going on the road for long stretches of time. | ||
| I only did it one time, and I saw a big benefit in my stand-up. | ||
| When Charlie Murphy and John Heffron and I did this Maxim tour, 22 dates in a month, by the end of that 20-second show, you're killing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then you're back. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| Can I tell you my flip side of that? | ||
| Let's hypothetically say we're talking about a... | ||
| A comic who gets a Netflix special and only does like three weekends to get ready for a special, okay? | ||
| Okay, thank you, Ari. | ||
| But I feel like if I don't do everything in my capability to get ready for that special, then I'm letting down myself, my family, and everyone else. | ||
| And I feel like when it comes to stand-up, the one thing I can do good, right? | ||
| The only thing I can do good... | ||
| If I don't put everything I have into that, then I'm letting myself down, really. | ||
| You are in many ways. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| When you're done with that special, you take three months off. | ||
| Can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| That's not what you said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not that guy. | |
| But here's what I'm saying. | ||
| Here's what I'm saying. | ||
| But don't you love the thing? | ||
| Don't you love baking? | ||
| If you're a baker, don't you love baking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you bake at home! | |
| You live in L.A. You can do a set a night. | ||
| You can do ten sets a night. | ||
| This is my take on creativity, though. | ||
| I think creativity is like a flexible thing inside your head and I think you have to put yourself in the states of mind in order to like broaden expand the way you see life and that enhances your creativity and for me that that is a lot of shows But it's also a lot of shows at home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like to just like to do sets. | |
| Especially when you're not the crux inside your audience. | ||
| But this is my take. | ||
| That's what he's saying. | ||
| Sets aren't sets. | ||
| That's what he's saying, is that for him, a set at home is better than a set on the road. | ||
| It's not necessarily better. | ||
| It's just the most important thing is your way of looking at the world and that you're actually doing stand-up. | ||
| Those are the two, in my opinion. | ||
| They're paying you to get on a plane. | ||
| They're not paying you to perform. | ||
| There's also a benefit to going to different places. | ||
| There's a benefit to different cities and different vibes and different parts of the world. | ||
| And there's a benefit to that, too. | ||
| But the biggest thing is to just always be working on it. | ||
| In some way, shape, or form. | ||
| So you don't have to do it only on the road. | ||
| I'm not the guy that... | ||
| Maybe I should have prefaced this with that if I'm home, I do feel like being with my family. | ||
| I can do it Tuesday night, but I'm not there Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. | ||
| I want to live a life. | ||
| So that for me to go out and be on a tour bus and be on the road, and even if it's doing clubs or doing smaller venues, for me, I'm focused on the thing I love, and that's all I think about. | ||
| I don't think about it. | ||
| Dude, there's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that approach either. | ||
| It's like everybody's got their own personality and it vibes their own approach to what the fuck we're trying to do. | ||
| But what you're trying to do is just like constantly crank out really good comedy. | ||
| Yeah, how do you get there is fine. | ||
| Yeah, how do you get there? | ||
| Do you get there by doing 15 minutes around New York City like Attell does? | ||
| Because he fucking got there. | ||
| I don't know how he's doing it. | ||
| He's a fucking the best. | ||
| He is the best. | ||
| So he's doing it that way, and then there's other guys that are just on the road doing clubs, and you go out of your way to see them when they come into town, because you want to see what the fuck they're up to, because they're really good. | ||
| There's no right or wrong way to do this. | ||
| Can I suggest something? | ||
| Please. | ||
| I just want to say it before we get out of here. | ||
| I really think, it's on you guys, not on me, that in September, we should do some massive shows. | ||
| Joe and Tom will headline, Bert can MC all parked cars. | ||
| But let's do some fucking wild, massive shows leading into October. | ||
| Let's do some sober October shows. | ||
| Let's do them. | ||
| September is far enough away. | ||
| I gotta ask you two, I guess, especially. | ||
| The big one is me. | ||
| Can you clear September? | ||
| I have a week that I'm not clearing out. | ||
| In September? | ||
| Yeah, elk hunting season. | ||
| What week? | ||
| We'll talk about it. | ||
| We'll talk about it afterwards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll figure it out. | |
| But can we do that? | ||
| Yeah, we could do something. | ||
| I mean, we'll talk about it afterwards. | ||
| I don't want to put you guys on the spot. | ||
| We 100% could do something, and we could also do celebration in November. | ||
| We could do that, too. | ||
| We could do that. | ||
| We could do some fucking really fun, because I think, I think, and this is the fucking thing, like you get to a certain age, you're supposed to already figure things out. | ||
| I don't think that's real. | ||
| I think you're figuring out life more every single day you're alive. | ||
| And you could quantify that, like, you're 46, you should have your shit together. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should. | ||
| But we're all figuring things out all the time. | ||
| And every time we do these fucking things, I come out of them with a newfound appreciation for our friendship, a newfound appreciation for the fun that is to have people like you guys that can do something stupid with, and we can talk shit to each other and have so much fun. | ||
| It is fun to do. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's fucking so ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so stupid and fun. | |
| It's so dumb. | ||
| And it also ignites this weird fucking fire in all of us. | ||
| Especially Ari. | ||
| That video of Ari doing the fucking rower for an hour in my gym in LA. A little savage. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Fucking 100% real. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You think Joe's behind me pulling me by the stomach? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's jacked. | |
| Look at his six pack. | ||
| He had a full six pack then. | ||
| What do you mean not real? | ||
| What's wrong with you, Bert? | ||
| What's the fakeness in that? | ||
| You think you can do everything? | ||
| You don't think anybody else can do anything? | ||
| A rower for an hour is an extensive amount of rowing. | ||
| A rower for an hour is an extensive amount of rowing. | ||
| Bert, there's video of it. | ||
| What's fake there? | ||
| Look at him there. | ||
| Well, videos can be cheated. | ||
| How is it cheaters? | ||
| There's no sweat on you. | ||
| There's not pouring down your body. | ||
| Because I'm not 270,000 pounds. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It shows his heart rate. | ||
| It's jacked. | ||
| Ads are never a problem. | ||
| It's my chest. | ||
| He did it the whole time we were waiting. | ||
| I was doing my fucking ads. | ||
| Fuck you, dude. | ||
| I had to do my ads. | ||
| Not great. | ||
| After I did my ads, I came out and Ari was still rowing like a motherfucker. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Yeah, every backstroke. | ||
| Look at those abs, dude. | ||
| Legitimately crazy. | ||
| How legitimately crazy do we go during that month? | ||
| Competition. | ||
| I didn't want to come last. | ||
| None of us wanted to come last. | ||
| Can I just be very clear? | ||
| Hit pause. | ||
| Hit pause on my... | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good pause. | |
| No, no. | ||
| Hit pause for an hour. | ||
| He's been rowing for an hour. | ||
| He's been rowing for an hour, and there's no sweat dripping off. | ||
| No, there is sweat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just iPhone fucking 11. Look at my shiny head. | |
| Normally that's full head of hair. | ||
| Also, we had an air-conditioned studio and it's a fan. | ||
| It's literally blowing air on you. | ||
| Do you know how that works? | ||
| You've never done this? | ||
| Bro, these are literally blowing air on him. | ||
| Garth Brooks, if you see this. | ||
| It's blowing air on him, Bert. | ||
| Do you understand how that works? | ||
| Every time he rose, it's blowing air. | ||
| How many have you had? | ||
| It's an air-conditioned studio. | ||
| Remember when we went to Topgolf and we were like, how many of you drank? | ||
| Like three, like seven doubles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, come on, fake! | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about, dude? | ||
| Give me my watch! | ||
| Hold on, you two seem a little too... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got impressed. | |
| Conspiratorial? | ||
| Fuck off! | ||
| This is number one and number two talking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kill yourself. | |
| Number one and number two. | ||
| All right, I gotta run, I gotta run. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got to go. | |
| Give us one second. | ||
| I got to go home. | ||
| I got to go home. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I can't because I leave in the morning. | ||
| I haven't seen the kids much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Tommy, we love you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love you, Tommy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We'll talk to you soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| It was fun. | ||
| Congratulations on not being sober. | ||
| You're the man. | ||
| Good luck with that shirt. | ||
| I hope you don't get pulled over in Texas. - You know one of them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guarantee the cops are listening. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| That's a man who knows his fucking life. | ||
| No. | ||
| He has to leave. | ||
| He's got his shit together, kids. | ||
| He's dead inside. | ||
| Well, we're doing the show together tonight. | ||
| He's dead inside. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| We're doing the show together, right? | ||
| You make a great point. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| He's dead inside. | ||
| I know that man better than any of us. | ||
| He's got to go suck his gardener's dick. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I hope he hears this. | ||
| Were you really letting us in on something, or are you just knowing that he can hear us in the lobby? | ||
| No. | ||
| I didn't know he could hear us. | ||
| He can hear us in the lobby. | ||
| There's a screen on the lobby. | ||
| He's standing in front of the screen right now. | ||
| They got cameras in the hallway here. | ||
| There's something wrong with Tom that is... | ||
| Be careful. | ||
| I wish I had. | ||
| I wish I had. | ||
| You know, he really doesn't give a fuck about either of us. | ||
| Anyone in this room. | ||
| Incorrect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In what way? | |
| He goes out of his way to help promote me. | ||
| He's really good with his family. | ||
| Like, I'm not that... | ||
| Like, if you ever told me, like, hey man... | ||
| What the fuck are you saying? | ||
| If you want to do, like, another half hour, and I was like, oh, Mr. Girl's going to bed. | ||
| I was like, oh, just... | ||
| It's my career. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Tom's not that guy. | ||
| He legit is going home to see his children go to bed. | ||
| And I was not that guy. | ||
| Now, I would argue... | ||
| He still cares. | ||
| No, he does care. | ||
| What do you mean he doesn't care about us? | ||
| What do you mean by that? | ||
| He prioritizes you. | ||
| He prioritizes. | ||
| I never did that. | ||
| I needed... | ||
| You understand this better than I do. | ||
| I needed a career. | ||
| You need to understand it. | ||
| Well, you're not going to get it because you had everything you wanted when you had a family. | ||
| So you could prioritize your family. | ||
| You already had success. | ||
| Yeah, you had success. | ||
| When you started dropping seeds. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| I didn't have success when I had a family. | ||
| So I'd come here and do a podcast with you and you'd be like, hey, you want to go eat lunch? | ||
| And I'd be like, yeah, fuck yeah. | ||
| And then I'd go eat lunch. | ||
| You can understand this more than maybe Tom. | ||
| But Tom got success and then had a family. | ||
| And then now you cannot. | ||
| He's like, I'm going home. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Yeah, no, it's good. | ||
| He's got the right eye. | ||
| Look, we did a long podcast with him. | ||
| It's the right thing to do. | ||
| It's the best thing in the world. | ||
| It's shorter than most. | ||
| But we got a show to do, boys. | ||
| I will tell you, Tom, when I was running my hour, I asked him, like, hey, can you come in to the store and give me notes with a few other comics? | ||
| And he made time. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| He's the fucking man. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| I remember the day I first saw him on stage in 2007 on that Maxim tour. | ||
| He went up, and I think he did three minutes. | ||
| I think he did three minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And he went up, and I pulled him aside. | ||
| I go, dude, where are you from? | ||
| Where do you live? | ||
| I go, you're funny. | ||
| You want to work? | ||
| Let's go on the road together. | ||
| Dude, it was so funny when Tom came on the road and he's like, oh, I'll get this, I'll get that. | ||
| And you're like, no, it's okay. | ||
| And he's like, wait, what? | ||
| And I had to pull him aside. | ||
| I'd be like, oh, dude. | ||
| You noted the Rogan thing. | ||
| You didn't need to bring your wallet. | ||
| You just needed to bring your ID. You know what? | ||
| We were talking about this earlier. | ||
| It's so nice to see a dude. | ||
| When you go on the road, because I think me and you were probably like this, but you go on the road and you're like so appreciative of the idea you could do stand-up. | ||
| I think that's old school. | ||
| I don't even know if that... | ||
| And I don't mean to be shitty of the dudes I tour with. | ||
| I love the dudes I tour with. | ||
| But like... | ||
| There's a new thing where dudes get fame on the internet, and you blow them up, and then all of a sudden they're like, hey man, I'm also the star. | ||
| And you're like... | ||
| Oh, I love seeing openers go, it's me and Bill Burr opening at the thing. | ||
| It's like, no it ain't. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It's Bill Burr, motherfucker. | ||
| He's Bill Burr and his mom. | ||
| His mom could talk shit about him for ten minutes. | ||
| Bill Burr does not need anyone to do stand-up. | ||
| Zero people to support him. | ||
| Yeah, it's that, and we're like, I get to do it on the road, I get to do a show. | ||
| You and I say, we didn't get to do shows on the road. | ||
| I had a conversation with Bill on the phone the other day, and it was like, God, I miss that dude. | ||
| Just talking to him, just hearing the way he talks shit about things. | ||
| We're laughing, and I was like, God, I miss that dude. | ||
| He's the dude I think I miss the most, that I've seen at the store all the time, constantly. | ||
| I think I miss him the most. | ||
| Because everybody else, I see you guys. | ||
| I see all you guys. | ||
| I only see him when he comes to Texas. | ||
| It's like once or twice a year. | ||
| And I really miss seeing him around the store. | ||
| Because he's like a tortured guy, but he's so fucking brilliant. | ||
| He's funny with it. | ||
| And he's such a good person. | ||
| He's a good person. | ||
| Like, you hug that guy, that's a real hug. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| The cool thing about podcasts is it's an excuse to see your friends. | ||
| Comedy is a fucking weird thing, man. | ||
| And so many of us get entangled together in comedy. | ||
| You know, entangled in careers and entangled in... | ||
| Even Maren, who we never hang out at the store, when you do a podcast with him, it's cool to catch up with him. | ||
| He's a fucking mess, but if I saw him in the airport, I'd give him a hug. | ||
| I've met him at the airport before, and I was like, dude! | ||
| It's like Stan Hope said. | ||
| It's like, fuck off with this infighting. | ||
| It's a comic and you're not. | ||
| The problem is, it's normal to say those things. | ||
| It's totally normal to say those things. | ||
| The problem is when you're saying those things online. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| This is the platform you're on. | ||
| Don't say shit publicly. | ||
| It's the same as saying those things. | ||
| It's normal to say those things. | ||
| And it's normal. | ||
| It doesn't even bother me. | ||
| But when you're saying it online, you're bringing all these other people in to cheer with you or fight against you. | ||
| It's hard because your ego gets involved. | ||
| You've got to know what conflict is and why it's not only not necessary, but should be avoided whenever possible. | ||
| And if you're not avoiding it, if you're wading into it, conflict constantly, you should look at yourself a little bit. | ||
| I will agree with that as someone who has done it and regrets it. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| When did you do it that you regretted it? | ||
| I mean, nah. | ||
| When did you do it that you didn't regret it? | ||
| Yeah, I've always regretted it. | ||
| You don't talk shit about your friends. | ||
| It feels terrible. | ||
| Don't talk shit about your not friends. | ||
| There's an impulsive thing that people have to say things that are outrageous. | ||
| And sometimes we get rewarded for that. | ||
| And so we'll say things that are outrageous so we don't think about the consequences of saying those things. | ||
| We're not saying those things because we're bad. | ||
| We're saying those things because you're taking a chance at an idea. | ||
| And sometimes you're saying it about a friend. | ||
| And you're fucking hurting their feelings you don't mean to. | ||
| You thought it was funny. | ||
| I thought it was funny. | ||
| And they're like, fuck you, man. | ||
| And you're like, shit. | ||
| And you can't take it back. | ||
| And you just were having fun. | ||
| And if you were just alone, he said that, they might think it's funny. | ||
| Trash talk behind someone's back is fine. | ||
| That's part of being a friend. | ||
| The problem is, like, if you forget that that's not just those people there, you're bringing the whole world into it. | ||
| You feel like you're just talking to friends. | ||
| I wouldn't want someone hearing this, yeah. | ||
| You should avoid conflict that is unnecessary. | ||
| Even if you have, like, a disagreement with someone, like, don't concentrate on that. | ||
| Concentrate on the fun shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, we're so fucking lucky. | |
| We're so lucky. | ||
| I see the shows you're doing. | ||
| I see the shows you're doing. | ||
| I see your special that you just filmed that's on YouTube that's right now. | ||
| It's available. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| Right now to YouTube. | ||
| So you decided not to go on everyone's channel? | ||
| They wouldn't allow it. | ||
| Yeah, you can't have duplicates of it. | ||
| It was a great idea. | ||
| Have everyone post it. | ||
| YouTube was like, nah, you can't do that. | ||
| And just so you know, I committed. | ||
| You did? | ||
| You said, I'll do it for you. | ||
| Yeah, I would have done it too, but it's one of those things where it's like you do want to get all that traffic to your site. | ||
| The more important thing is get your friends to send people to it. | ||
| Yeah, I'll get that too. | ||
| But the Twitter links are even more important. | ||
| Twitter links and an Instagram post is even more important because then people go to your page. | ||
| So if other people are amplifying, go to his page, that's better. | ||
| I would like every one of Joe Rogan's 380 million listeners to just go To YouTube right now. | ||
| Look up my new special, Ari Shafir Jew. | ||
| It's online right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm giving it a gift to all of you. | |
| It's up right now? | ||
| It's up right now. | ||
| How many subscribers do you have on your Instagram? | ||
| 130,000. | ||
| On Instagram? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| On Instagram, like 500. 131. You gained a thousand since the last time you checked, motherfucker. | ||
| Ballin', son. | ||
| 1,000. | ||
| Instagram's like 400 or 500. But yeah, guys, just go look. | ||
| I'm giving it as a gift to all of you. | ||
| Giving it as a gift. | ||
| Just go on there and fucking enjoy yourself. | ||
| Watch it with your family. | ||
| Joy to the world. | ||
| You're one of the funniest dudes I know, Ari. | ||
| And you know I don't say that. | ||
| I don't say that lightly. | ||
| Thanks, bud. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| I would never say that to... | ||
| Are you going to bring this back to getting drugged? | ||
| Because if you do, I'm going to leave. | ||
| He's not. | ||
| He's not. | ||
| Maybe he is. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I'm proud of you. | ||
| I think it's time for your due, man. | ||
| I think that not enough people know how funny you are. | ||
| I'm being serious when I say that. | ||
| Pretty fucked up. | ||
| And your message to Garth Brooks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This has nothing to do on his fucking podcast. | |
| What the fuck is Garth Brooks going to do? | ||
| He's going to help Garth. | ||
| He's going to get those fucking monsters off his tail. | ||
| I'll blow everyone up. | ||
| Garth comes here and then Tom and Christina. | ||
| Why doesn't Garth just come here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You should. | |
| Garth, come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll bring them in. | |
| I'll call them up. | ||
| We'll do it. | ||
| That's what Garth will do. | ||
| Me and Garth for 20 minutes. | ||
| You'll be the arbitrator. | ||
| I'm not saying I know everything. | ||
| But the thing is, like, Tom and Christina really are good people. | ||
| Garth Brooks, if you're listening, Tom's gone. | ||
| I have no reason to blow smoke up his asses. | ||
| Tom's a great guy. | ||
| They're the best people. | ||
| Christina shit showers. | ||
| This is just a thing that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is just a thing that got out of hand. | |
| She's admitted, dude. | ||
| She shits and then goes to the shower and wipes it off that way. | ||
| She's real, is what I'm saying. | ||
| What are you supposed to do? | ||
| Wife, I guess. | ||
| Like a loser. | ||
| But a lot of people shit shower shave. | ||
| It's not like shower shit. | ||
| Let's go back to the Garth Brooks thing. | ||
| Jesus Christ, we're getting off topic, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit shower shave. | |
| Way to up it. | ||
| I think that's a normal thing. | ||
| Garth Brooks is a great guy. | ||
| And Garth, if you're listening- I bet he's a great guy. | ||
| Or he could be a serial killer. | ||
| There's a lot of evidence. | ||
| Garth, I'm kidding. | ||
| I don't mean to do this to you. | ||
| Garth, I'm a fan. | ||
| That moment really did happen in Ohio. | ||
| I forget what the university was that I did, but the kids that worked there, they all took me out. | ||
| We all went to that bar and went, I got friends. | ||
| And I remember thinking, what a great fucking song. | ||
| This guy created an anthem that people can... | ||
| He literally enhances your experience having a couple cocktails with friends. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Burt and I went to Calgary Stampede. | ||
| With O'Neal and who else went? | ||
| Kathleen. | ||
| Kathleen. | ||
| I think that was it. | ||
| Does he have his stuff on Spotify? | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| Fucking, oh, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to do it the right way. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Young dude who is Rachel's, Wolfenstein's boyfriend. | ||
| Matt Edgar. | ||
| Matt Edgar. | ||
| And Stampede is just a giant rodeo. | ||
| Trash. | ||
| Calgary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when Garth Brook played at any one of those tents, it was fucking odd. | ||
| Of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, that's a whole different world. | ||
| That country world's a whole different world. | ||
| There's people that have gigantic audiences you never even fucking heard of. | ||
| Dude, Zac Brown. | ||
| Oh, he's huge. | ||
| Legit. | ||
| Dude, that song about we're all fishing in the same pond, it's just about forgiveness and right side, left side doesn't matter because we're all fishing from the same boat, fishing in the same bond. | ||
| It's just such a good fucking song, good theme. | ||
| Is that on Spotify, Jamie? | ||
| It's on Spotify. | ||
| Can we close it out with that song? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not a redneck song. | ||
| No, that's a great song, dude. | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| I love that song. | ||
| Something that makes you want to drink harder? | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| We're all drinking together. | ||
| Black Skid Head by Kanye West. | ||
|
unidentified
|
ACDC? Oh, how about Kanye West? | |
| Kanye West, black skinhead. | ||
| Kanye is unfortunately banned from all of Spotify. | ||
| I just listened to him on Spotify. | ||
| All of social media and all of... | ||
| I just listened to him on Spotify. | ||
| All of Zionist control. | ||
| Guys, I gave my special to you for free. | ||
| If you want to throw a couple shekels at me, the link is on there. | ||
| YouTube.com forward slash Ari Shafir. | ||
| They can donate. | ||
| Absolutely, like legitimately your best work. | ||
| I'm proud of you. | ||
| I'm really legitimately proud of you. | ||
| The amount of work you put into it was very inspiring. | ||
| It was fucking cool to watch. | ||
| You fucking nailed it. | ||
| And I'm so happy. | ||
| And what you showed me of the clip, it looks amazing too. | ||
| I love the candles behind you. | ||
| It's an amazing set. | ||
| The set was amazing. | ||
| You're the man. | ||
| What is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Friends in Low Places. | |
| Blame all of my roots. | ||
| Are we allowed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I showed up in boots and ruined your black tie affair. | |
| If you ruin it with your voice over it, I think we could still do it. | ||
| Is that him or is that like a cover band? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is it. | |
| It's on YouTube. | ||
| It's a good song. | ||
| It's a great song. | ||
| It's so slow and meaningful. | ||
| Yeah, keep talking over it and then we can end it. | ||
| As long as we keep talking over it, I think we're good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't hear it. | |
| Yeah, you can barely hear it. | ||
| I wonder if the sensors will pick it up. | ||
| Garth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a tribute, Garth. | |
| We're putting this on because we love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I want to tell you that Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky, they're in low places. | |
| And they're your friends. | ||
| Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky are your friends. | ||
| And I'll be okay. | ||
| Don't be scared of the truth, Garth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got friends in love place. | |
| And the Jew jays. | ||
| No. | ||
| I got friends. | ||
| Ari Shafir. | ||
| It's YouTube.com forward slash Ari Shafir. | ||
| Go on there right now, everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't even wait. | |
| Just go on there and click on it. | ||
| Go on there right now and just wait. | ||
| You know, just you should fast. | ||
| Everyone should fast a little anyway. | ||
| So fast until it comes out. | ||
| It's out right now. | ||
| It might be out right now. | ||
| Good night, everybody. | ||
| God bless America. |
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