July 23, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:28:28
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Hello Andrew Schultz Hello, Joe Rogan. | ||
| How is the independent comedy production world treating you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's good. | |
| It's a lot more work. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But you cut free from the nipple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We did. | |
| Without even mentioning names, tell me what happened. | ||
| I went through taping. | ||
| It was excellent. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you for coming. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| And thank you for bringing Cameron. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brought Cameron Haynes. | ||
| My wife came. | ||
| Dripped in Gucci, dude. | ||
| Yeah, he's hilarious. | ||
| Dude, that guy is a legend. | ||
| Because I've only seen him with his shirt off and inspirational music in the background. | ||
| Not enough of a mountain. | ||
| Bro, I thought he was going to be like Crocodile Dundee when I met him in person. | ||
| And he was just like dripping down. | ||
|
unidentified
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Gucci. | |
| He likes Gucci. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He likes Gucci. | |
| And then I remember calling you and I was like, dude, this guy's so interesting to me. | ||
| Like, what does he do? | ||
| He just takes people on camping trips and stuff like that? | ||
| I'm like, what's the thing? | ||
| And I think you were like, no, I think he moderates pool levels in Oregon or moderates water. | ||
| Yeah, he works for the Department of Water and Power. | ||
| And I was like, this is a fucking fashionable. | ||
| For now. | ||
| He's a New York Times bestselling author, so he's quitting his job. | ||
| Let's go, Cam. | ||
| Yeah, he made a lot of money off the book. | ||
| I told him I'm going hunting with him. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He didn't respond to that. | ||
| What, are you gonna hunt? | ||
| I just said, we're going hunting. | ||
| He's like, okay. | ||
| Yeah, that's how... | ||
| He's like, okay. | ||
| Probably people say that to him every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| But, yeah. | ||
| What would you hunt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I'd probably... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Pile pigs is the best because they have to kill them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can eat them. | ||
| They're delicious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's literally an imperative. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You have to, especially in Texas. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're helping. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Millions. | ||
| I want to camp before I hunt. | ||
| First, I want to do camping. | ||
| You've never gone camping? | ||
| Never gone camping, no. | ||
| Oh, you're such a city boy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like little Duval would say, city boy, city boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Duval's the best, bro. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| The camping thing... | ||
| I mean, you're in a fucking cloth house out there with monsters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's real. | ||
| A woman got killed a couple of days ago in Montana by a grizzly bear, pulled her out of her tent, mauled her. | ||
| You're like TMZ for that kind of shit. | ||
| Yeah, well, I pay attention because I go to those places. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's on your radar. | ||
| But any time this happens, I feel like you're like, oh, dude, by the way, there was an alligator attack in Orlando. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen those too. | ||
| There's a lot of those. | ||
| Yeah, it's real. | ||
| We live in this bizarre sheltered world, and human beings have this interesting thought process. | ||
| We only think about threats and danger and reality. | ||
| If it's right in front of us all the time, that's how we see the world. | ||
| The stuff that's in front of us all the time, that's our reality. | ||
| And so stuff like... | ||
| That's why you ever see those... | ||
| There's a great Instagram page called Tourons of Yellowstone. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Tourons is a tourist moron. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it's all people just getting launched into the air by buffalo. | ||
| Guys, okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's just these fucking idiots who come from like Chicago and they're used to cities and they never really seen a buffalo and they're trying to get close for a selfie and you know these things are in the rut. | ||
| They're trying to fuck. | ||
| Game over. | ||
| This is a 2,000 pound giant ass animal trying to fuck and you're all there cock blocking. | ||
| And they just launch these fucking people. | ||
| It's horrifying. | ||
| See, that's what makes me a little bit afraid of doing it. | ||
| Not necessarily afraid, but I didn't really understand the allure of it. | ||
|
unidentified
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And then... | |
| Okay. | ||
| I do understand the allure of nature. | ||
| Like, we were talking about this before. | ||
| I hit you about this before. | ||
| But I think something happens where, like, you get this, like, reset. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You see these, like, you know, successful people. | ||
| They'll go to, like, Montana. | ||
| And they're not going to Montana to, like, let everybody know how nice their ranch is. | ||
| I believe they're going to Montana because they're like, it's cool to look at mountains. | ||
| And it's kind of, like, humbling. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dude, when I was... | ||
| I hit you up when I was on my honeymoon with my wife. | ||
| And I'm, like, looking at the fucking sunset off this beautiful island in Italy. | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| I felt incredibly humbled. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And maybe you need that feeling. | ||
| Like, maybe your world gets so warped. | ||
| I wonder if you feel that way. | ||
| Like, do you need to be in nature and feel so fucking vulnerable because your regular day, that's not something that you're experiencing? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's a reality check of what your relationship with the world really is. | ||
| Because we live in cities, and we drive in cars, and we go into buildings, and you get confused, and you think that is the world. | ||
| But the world is filled with all kinds of variables, and one of the more fascinating variables is nature and wildlife, because they're so uncaring about you. | ||
| Like, one of the things that I always get when I'm in the mountains is like, these mountains don't give a fuck about you. | ||
| They don't give a shit how many Instagram followers you have or how well your special did or how well your podcast is doing. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| These are just tooth and claw and fang animals trying to get by. | ||
| So we know that, that that's nature, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Does that give you any sort of like a compassion or empathy to the ultra-woke that are trying to over-care? | ||
| I don't think that's what they're doing. | ||
| Maybe deep down that's not what they're doing, right? | ||
| But intellectually they think that they're exercising in that way. | ||
| They think they're doing the right thing. | ||
| They're not doing the right thing, but they think they are. | ||
| And I wonder if on some level you look at how gnarly nature is and you see like what humans are kind of capable of doing. | ||
| You don't see that empathy in the animal world, I don't think. | ||
| No, there's no empathy. | ||
| The animal world has zero empathy. | ||
| Except dolphins. | ||
| Dolphins have empathy towards people. | ||
| They'll save people from sharks and shit like that. | ||
| Won't they also like feed other animals? | ||
| Isn't there like a... | ||
| Maybe they were working with... | ||
| I forget some video I saw. | ||
| They were like culling fish into this area so that the fishermen could... | ||
| Extract them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I saw some video of this. | ||
| I don't know where the fuck it was. | ||
| Were they cooperating with the fishermen? | ||
| I don't know if it was cooperating with the fishermen. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe they were doing it for themselves and the fishermen would kind of take advantage of it. | ||
| That seems more likely. | ||
| But yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's like an interesting thing that we're capable of. | ||
| To consider others discomfort and want to help. | ||
| I think it gets bastardized. | ||
| I think it gets abused. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But the fact that we can even get there Yeah, it separates us from everything else, except for the dolphins. | ||
| They look out for other species. | ||
| That's what's interesting about them. | ||
| They look out for humans. | ||
| They also rape humans. | ||
| They do that. | ||
| But usually when they do that, it's like at a marine world type situation. | ||
| But also, do they know what that is? | ||
| No, they don't know what that is. | ||
| So they're like, oh yeah, we're just fucking and this is how fucking works. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Well, they do infanticide, right? | ||
| Dolphins kill their babies. | ||
| Like, this is the way it works. | ||
| Like, if a female dolphin gets pregnant, she cannot mate. | ||
| For I believe it's... | ||
| Look this up. | ||
| I think it's like six years. | ||
| I think the female dolphin- That's the gestation period? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She has to take care. | ||
| It's not the gestation period, but it's the period where the baby dolphin is vulnerable because dolphins are similar in a slight way to human beings in that it takes a long time for the animal to mature because their brains are so large and they're so intelligent. | ||
| You know, it's not like a chimp, like a chimp within like two years. | ||
| Send them out there. | ||
| Well, they're strong right away. | ||
| I remember we had an episode of NewsRadio where I don't think it ever, this part, I don't think they did anything with it. | ||
| I think it got edited out. | ||
| Because like a lot of, you know, a sitcom's like 22 minutes. | ||
| But a lot of times they'll have like 40 minutes of footage, and they're trying to just like get the most laughs and make the story move along. | ||
| So we had this thing where there was a baby chimp. | ||
| And so this baby chimp was on set. | ||
| It had a diaper. | ||
| It was like this big. | ||
| And this thing got on my back, went... | ||
| Just slapped me a couple of times, and I was just like, whoa! | ||
| It's like, it's so small and so fucking strong. | ||
| And its body felt like it was made out of wood. | ||
| Dense. | ||
| It was just so strong. | ||
| We have in our head, oh, it's 150 pounds. | ||
| I'm 150 pounds. | ||
| We're kind of the same. | ||
| You have no idea how strong those things are. | ||
| It's so different than a human being. | ||
| And we're so vulnerable in comparison to them. | ||
| What was my point? | ||
| We were talking about I had a point. | ||
| Breaking away from the tit of the industry. | ||
| Yeah, but that's not... | ||
| We went way past that. | ||
| That's what we do, baby! | ||
| Oh, that's what it was. | ||
| So they're slightly vulnerable when they're young, but they're not nearly as vulnerable as a human. | ||
| To protect them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a human baby. | ||
| They come out, they can't even move. | ||
| Like a deer comes out, they can kind of walk a little bit. | ||
| And like fawns, you ever see how fawns, like deer fawns have like white spots all over their body? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's so they blend in better because they just hide in the grass. | ||
| Because they need to hide. | ||
| They need to hide because they can't run. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They can't run yet. | ||
| So oftentimes the mother will leave their baby behind and the baby just lays there. | ||
| So if you find a baby deer, they just lay there. | ||
| They don't try to run away from you. | ||
| And then they slowly get the ability to walk around. | ||
| Like right now in Texas, the babies have been born and they're starting to walk around now. | ||
| And it's been a few months. | ||
| So they're like on the highway sometimes. | ||
| Like you'll see a fawn. | ||
| Like the other day I was driving down this road and I had to stop the car. | ||
| And this guy was like waving his arms. | ||
| Like I saw the deer, but this guy was waving his arms. | ||
| Because there was this cute little baby and a little baby brother. | ||
| And they're like trying to make their way across the road. | ||
| But they're like this big, little tiny ass deer. | ||
| Okay, have you ever seen a situation where, like, another animal recognizes that there's, like, an infant from a different species and then doesn't murder it? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| They just eat it. | ||
| That never happens. | ||
| No, they run up on it. | ||
| If you ever leave a baby in the woods, a bear will run up on it and eat it immediately. | ||
| Now what if the babies grow up together? | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| So, but you've seen these videos of like in the zoo where like a fucking Cocker Spaniel and a lion grow up together and then for whatever reason they don't eat each other. | ||
| Oh, you mean in a domestic situation? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, that's a little different. | ||
| As long as the animals are very well fed. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| They still have the instinct to kill. | ||
| A thing like a tiger or a lion or something, they're always going to have that instinct to kill. | ||
| And it's exciting to them. | ||
| If something tries to run away from them, they always have this instinct to lock onto it and chase after it. | ||
| They're never going to get away from that. | ||
| That's just a part of their DNA. You can't breed that out. | ||
| But you could breed it out in, say, a dog. | ||
| The difference between a dog and a wolf is just thousands of years of breeding. | ||
| It's the same animal, which is wild. | ||
| My dog Marshall. | ||
| Have you ever met Marshall? | ||
| Sweetest fucking animal that's ever existed. | ||
| All he wants to do is love everybody. | ||
| Oh no, I did meet him once at the old studio. | ||
| Everybody's his friend. | ||
| But he's an ancestor of a wolf. | ||
| They've turned him into this thing through thousands of years of breeding. | ||
| Just like they're trying to do to men. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Where's Andrew Tate when you need him? | ||
| Yes, that's just toxic femininity shit, or masculinity. | ||
| Toxic femininity is right. | ||
| That was a Freudian slip. | ||
| But toxic masculinity, what that means is like, oh, you mean the men who carve the world. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes, now you don't need them, so now you want to get rid of them. | |
| But you do need them. | ||
| You just don't think you need them because you don't need them right now. | ||
| And then Russia has them, and China is making them more masculine. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| So then what do we do? | ||
| Like, how do we recognize this trait? | ||
| Okay, we want to make life more... | ||
| We want to make life more palatable for everyone, right? | ||
| But sometimes you need some badass motherfuckers to do the things that a lot of people don't want to do. | ||
| And the second life is safe, you go, well, why do we have bad people around? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They might make some bad decisions. | ||
| So how do we keep the quote-unquote, like, bad guys around long enough So in case something needs to be done, they handle it. | ||
| And I think, like, the American way of doing it is going, hey, we're just gonna, like, kind of create these little organizations that do the bad shit, and the American people don't really need to know about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'll go handle that stuff. | ||
| You don't need to know. | ||
| Enjoy your life and live your life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we'll make sure everything is cozy and cool, and then you not voting for the guy that does the bad thing. | ||
| It's kind of like a nice system. | ||
| It's a very good system for creating innovation, right? | ||
| Because you leave people the opportunity to go and do other things. | ||
| But it also is an opportunity for people to be unrealistic about the world. | ||
| Like Israelis are very realistic about the world. | ||
| They have to be. | ||
| They have to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they also have mandatory military service. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| And there's a lot of people that have said that if America had mandatory military service, you'd have a lot more patriotism, a lot more people who understand the role that the American military plays in the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that, you know, yeah, the American military has done some fucking terrible things. | ||
| Skin in the game. | ||
| Just like every single military organization that has ever existed in history. | ||
| That had the power to. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If you don't have power, you can't say what you would or wouldn't do with that power. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| If you really look at the American power structure and the benevolence attached to it, that to me is the most impressive thing about a George Washington stuff. | ||
| You could have ran it back. | ||
| Everybody loves you. | ||
| You could just continue to be the new king, if you will. | ||
| Right, like Putin has done in Russia. | ||
|
unidentified
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Literally. | |
| And he's supported. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| The people there, for the most part, love him. | ||
| At least that's the information we're getting. | ||
| But I even talk to guys like Lex, and it's like, yeah, there are people there that love him. | ||
| He's favorable. | ||
| Well, it's also they control the media. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| So they're getting the shit that's out there. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I was talking to someone who has a relative over there in Russia and they were saying that they thought that Ukraine was filled with Nazis and they were over there to liberate the Ukrainian people. | ||
| So the propaganda is that Ukraine has been run by Nazis. | ||
| Yo, liberation is a great excuse for invasion, bro. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's a great excuse. | ||
| It's benevolent. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| You want to be the good guy. | ||
| It's literally what they did to go into Iraq. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| In the first war. | ||
| Yeah, or every time we invaded. | ||
| When they invaded Kuwait. | ||
| Like, oh, we have to save those Kuwaitis. | ||
| Like, why? | ||
| Those poor Kuwaitis. | ||
| People in America know what the fuck Kuwait is, can't spell Kuwait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, what are we doing? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But I wonder if... | ||
| And I've joked around about this, but I wonder if life gets to a certain point of inconvenience where you start being okay with dark tactics being taken to return you to convenience. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, once things get ugly, then you're more than happy to have the military go and do awful shit. | ||
| It's like, I got a lady in my building, right? | ||
| Who's like, she's kind of like a Karen, right? | ||
| And Joe, I love her. | ||
| Because she does the shit I want. | ||
| She's the Antifa you're building. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somebody's fucking loud. | |
| Somebody's having a crazy party. | ||
| I know Danielle's got it. | ||
| I don't gotta call nobody. | ||
| I might send a text like, Danielle, are you hearing this? | ||
| Already on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's my CIA! Do you know what I'm saying? | |
| She's your Antifa. | ||
| Or Antifa, or whatever the organization is. | ||
| Like, the second life, the gas prices are too high, all of a sudden, weapons of mass destruction, or the second anything is about to be inconvenient, there's the group that goes and does it, and then I don't have to feel weird, like I snitched on the person in the elevator. | ||
| I just get to sit and smile. | ||
| That's, I think, the American or, like, the Western experience. | ||
| We're removed from the things we would feel guilty about. | ||
| Like, even in America, we all say to everybody around the world, like, oh yeah, we hate that they did that thing with their weapons of mass destruction. | ||
| It's disgusting what they did in Iraq. | ||
| We like $3 gas. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's nice for us. | ||
| Well, I mean, even things that aren't as ugly, like how about this Brittany Griner situation? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Brittany Griner is imprisoned right now in Russia because she went over there to play basketball and she had cannabis oil vape cartridges that she had on her. | ||
| I don't know if she just didn't know they were illegal or she tried to sneak them in. | ||
| And they've got her arrested, it's against the law, and she might do ten years in jail over there, which is fucking horrific. | ||
| But let's also clarify. | ||
| She's already been over there for months. | ||
| But here's what's important. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| People are freaking out about this, right? | ||
| They're freaking out. | ||
| Russia needs to let her go. | ||
| We have people in America right now locked up for marijuana, and they've been locked up for fucking years. | ||
| For years and years and years. | ||
| And there's not one. | ||
| There's thousands of them. | ||
| So they're not good at throwing a fucking ball into a net? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what it is? | |
| They're not good at that one thing that we like to watch? | ||
| So those fucking people don't get let out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the other thing that we do, right? | |
| We completely compartmentalize our rage. | ||
| And it's like, Brittany Griner is this perfect situation for us to like... | ||
| Right. | ||
| on than it would have been happened. | ||
| I've seen a lot of like think pieces about that kind of stuff. | ||
| But at the same time, okay, side note, Brittany Griner has existed in Russia and understands the corruption that moves within Russia. | ||
| She knows that if it isn't a wartime where she's essentially become a proxy between America and Russia, she can bring whatever the fuck she wants to She probably had been. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She has been. | |
| Because she's been going over there. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| She's been going over there playing ball for a long time. | ||
| And dealing with these, you know, what is it? | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| The oligarchs. | ||
| Russian oligarchs. | ||
| They fund all the female basketball teams. | ||
| It's like a fun pet project for them. | ||
| Do they really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think they pay women more to play basketball in Russia than in America because it's profitable? | ||
| I literally don't know anything about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, let's just take a test. | |
| How well do women's sports generally do throughout the world? | ||
| I wish I could do Hans Kim's new bit about this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| I can't, I can't, because I don't want to fuck it up. | ||
| Well, you don't have to do the accent. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He doesn't have an accent. | ||
| We're going to get Shane to do it. | ||
| No, I can't do it because I don't want to ruin his bit. | ||
| Okay, fair enough. | ||
| I'll tell you after we get off the air, we'll remember. | ||
| But it's fucking fantastic. | ||
| Shout out to you, Hans. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| Bro, it's so funny. | ||
| That kid's an animal. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| And when I met him, I was like, oh, it's so nice to meet you. | ||
| I've seen your stuff on whatever. | ||
| And on Instagram and YouTube, he's posting a lot of stuff. | ||
| He's going on tour with you. | ||
| So nice to meet you. | ||
| And he said two things to me that were the most Asian things ever. | ||
| like he goes it is an honor and i was like whoa dude like i thought it was like a texas asian like no accident it is an honor this is a distinguished moment or something like that and And I was like, whoa, you were coming on thick with the fucking Asian stuff. | ||
| But he's serious. | ||
| But he's serious and he likes the comedy. | ||
| It feels like he's addicted. | ||
| He loves comedy. | ||
| He's a fucking soldier for comedy, man. | ||
| He's all in and he's a great guy and he's really, really talented. | ||
| He's really good, man. | ||
| But to his bit, Women's sports are not making that much money around the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And unfortunately, this is kind of fucked up, but the reality is, if they're not in a physically objectified situation, like they are in some positions, like female tennis, for example, they got them walking around with these tiny little skirts, ass cheeks, fucking hanging out. | ||
| How about volleyball? | ||
| You have to dress like a hoe. | ||
| Bro, dude, that's what I understand. | ||
| When people talk about sexism and shit, you know flight attendants have to wear heels onto the plane? | ||
| Do they? | ||
| That's a law. | ||
| Well, it's a rule. | ||
| It's not a law. | ||
| Alright, so what is the difference? | ||
| Rules are laws for the business. | ||
| The other one is the government. | ||
| Yeah, but if you want to work for them, you could turn... | ||
| Is that true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have to wear heels? | |
| I asked the lady at Delta. | ||
| You have to wear heels onto the plane. | ||
| Once you're on the plane, you can turn into a flat when you leave the heel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| All a heel does, I mean, you know this, it accentuates the muscles in your legs and it raises your ass to put you in like almost a doggy style type position. | ||
| Make it look nice. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Make that butt look nice. | ||
| That is so sexy. | ||
| Isn't that way more sexy? | ||
| Does the man have to wear heels? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Now, a few of them flight attendants probably would enjoy that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The male ones. | ||
| Did you see the people that we sent to, what was it where they sent them? | ||
| They sent that four-star admiral who's a transgender man, and then the other person who's trans too, we sent them to, was it France? | ||
| The bald one. | ||
| The trans woman. | ||
| She's a lot to look at. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what she does. | ||
| There's a lot going on there. | ||
| There's a lot going on there. | ||
| They sent them to, I want to say France. | ||
| But they were the United States of... | ||
| Ambassadors. | ||
| But that works in France. | ||
| They like that stuff. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Even in France, they're probably like, this is too much. | ||
| Is it ever too much? | ||
| This I don't like. | ||
| I really don't know what the rules are in France. | ||
| They are trying too hard. | ||
| This is... | ||
| How do they smoke cigarettes like this? | ||
| This is... | ||
| There's something about this that I don't enjoy. | ||
| Why can't they be normal? | ||
| Like, have sex with little girls and we give them asylum here. | ||
| Oh, you mean like Rowan Polanski? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he from France? | ||
| Polanski? | ||
| What's wild is like people were making movies with that guy just up until like a couple of years ago. | ||
| Dude, they do it with Woody Allen. | ||
| That's my favorite thing about the Woody Allen thing is like when they ask the actresses and they're like, do you think he did it? | ||
| They did what? | ||
| He's with her. | ||
| But like they have to say no because if they say yes, they're doing it with the guy who's that raping a girl. | ||
| Well, he's not anymore. | ||
| She's a grown woman. | ||
| Well, early on. | ||
| But when do you think he started the relationship with her? | ||
| That's where it gets squirrely. | ||
| The problem is the wife is squirrely, too. | ||
| Like, Mia Farrow, she's squirrely. | ||
| Yeah, she's a loony bin. | ||
| She's a loon. | ||
| So her version of reality, it's very hard to parse, like, what's true and what's not true. | ||
| Dude, there's no version of reality where, like, even if it's your wife's adopted daughter or whatever, it's weird, bro. | ||
| It's plain and simple weird. | ||
| She has stories of them being together before when she was really young. | ||
| Oh, I don't know if I buy that. | ||
| And then there's also his daughter Dylan that has allegations too. | ||
| But I think they looked into that and they did some crazy investigation and they found it wasn't good. | ||
| How can you? | ||
| Those are one of those things. | ||
| It's like, how do you know unless you were there? | ||
| So you can't comment on it, right? | ||
| He believes in true love. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| I mean, that's the only- He was a pervy dude. | ||
| You ever listen to his old stand-up? | ||
| No. | ||
| Super pervy. | ||
| Yeah, I've got some of his old stand-up. | ||
| He's just talking about girls. | ||
| I love girls. | ||
| I love the way they walk in the heels. | ||
| It was really pervy. | ||
| Kind of like Mitch Fattel. | ||
| Yes, but Mitch is playing the character. | ||
| Mitch is a character, and Mitch is being really funny with it. | ||
| With Woody, it was like, this is back in the day. | ||
| This is how I really feel. | ||
| Yeah, this is back in the day where, I don't know, man. | ||
| I think people were just more primitive in the 60s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They fucking were, man. | ||
| I mean, you saw the songs, right? | ||
| Aren't there all those songs by Rolling Stones singing about 15-year-olds and shit? | ||
| Christine, 16, Kiss. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there was a lot of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So maybe the age has changed. | ||
| I mean, obviously it's changed, right? | ||
| Like a woman is 13 in ancient... | ||
| Well, that's because people didn't fucking survive. | ||
| It was hard to survive back then. | ||
| When someone got to breeding age, you bred with them as quickly as you could, because they probably weren't going to make it to be 20. I mean, that's a wild debate that's happening, a bunch of few guys, like thousands of years ago. | ||
| Like, I don't want to bang these young girls, but no one's living. | ||
| They're all dying. | ||
| Well, I don't think they thought 15 was old back then, or young back then. | ||
| Because I think, you know, with the average age of death... | ||
| Well, the average age of death is complicated, right? | ||
| Because when they calculate the average life expectancy of people that lived a long time ago, really you have to factor in infant mortality, which screws everything up. | ||
| There's so many children and babies died young. | ||
| More, too. | ||
| So they make the age, like, oh, the average person lived to be 30. Well, that fucks it up because a lot of them died at one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like a shit ton of them died. | ||
| And there are people who live a long time. | ||
| I think Michelangelo lived till how long? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's probably pretty old. | ||
| But, like, there are people who live long. | ||
| There are people who lived into their 80s back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| So, it was possible. | ||
| But, again... | ||
| The actual life expectancy, like, what a person could actually live to... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| ...was probably the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For the most part. | ||
| That's so wild to have a kid as a woman, like, that primal urge back in the day, knowing that there was, like, a 25% chance it either killed you or the baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| I don't know what those percentages are, but knowing every time you're going into this... | ||
| That, you want to talk about, like, your... | ||
| That's why, I don't know, like, when I hear a lot of, like, people like our age or whatever like that, like, there's a lot of women like, I just don't want kids. | ||
| And it's like, I understand intellectually why you might not. | ||
| But there has to be a biological impulse inside of you yearning to do that. | ||
| I don't think it's for everybody. | ||
| I really don't think so. | ||
| It's not for everybody. | ||
| But I don't think the urge is for everybody. | ||
| You think there are human beings whose one purpose on this earth is to procreate, who just do not have that in them? | ||
| I don't think that's the one purpose on the earth anymore. | ||
| I think at one point in time when there was less people, I think the urge and the imperative to breed was much more strong. | ||
| It was much stronger and it was much more of a focus. | ||
| I don't think that... | ||
| I think the way nature works, and this is me just completely guessing, when there's an abundance of people, like in urban situations, people are much less likely to have children. | ||
| Do you know that that's the argument for underpopulation, right? | ||
| Population collapse. | ||
| This is why Elon keeps having kids. | ||
| The population collapse is... | ||
| It's not single-handedly trying to bring the population back. | ||
| But he literally is. | ||
| Like he's having a bunch of kids. | ||
| He's having 10 kids. | ||
| But he's having them with surrogates. | ||
| It's not like he's just shooting loads into people. | ||
| Like he's making embryos and in vitro fertilization. | ||
| It's like he's doing wild shit. | ||
| That is the dorkiest way to have kids. | ||
| To make people. | ||
| But he's trying to do that. | ||
| He's trying to make a lot of people. | ||
| Leave a load in, dude. | ||
| If you're going to do the act, if you're going to be with the person, you might as well enjoy it. | ||
| But I think genuinely he wants to make as many people as he can. | ||
| Genuinely. | ||
| That's why he's saving embryos and doing in vitro fertilization. | ||
| He's genuinely trying to contribute to the population. | ||
| He thinks that population collapse is a real issue. | ||
| If you talk to him about it, he has a compelling argument about it. | ||
| I'd like to hear it. | ||
| There's a compelling argument that relates to- I think it's a primal breeding fetish. | ||
| I'll be honest with you. | ||
| I think that's what Nick Cannon has. | ||
| And I think what happens is you just start to get addicted to this feeling of bringing life into it because there's this old impulses baked into our DNA that this is what we're supposed to do. | ||
| And he's in a financial situation where they both are, where they can do that, and there's not many restrictions put on them. | ||
| But to, like, over-intellectualize it, like, I'm trying to bring back the population. | ||
| It's like, no, you get a kick out of it. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| You can afford it. | ||
| If you talk to him, I think you'd have a different opinion. | ||
| He genuinely thinks that it's important for people to have as many children as possible. | ||
| And he's basing this, is what I was getting to. | ||
| There's studies where they talk about urban environments and highly educated people are having less and less children. | ||
| Because the woman has a career, the man has a career, they put it off. | ||
| Did you ever see Idiocracy? | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| I just saw it recently. | ||
| But that's in Idiocracy. | ||
| There's a couple in Idiocracy that's really highly educated. | ||
| You had him on, didn't you? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Mike Judge. | ||
| He's brilliant, Judge. | ||
| He's the shit. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| He lives here. | ||
| In that film, there's this one guy who lives in a trailer and he's got like 50 kids, keeps fucking all these women, he's fucking the neighbor, he's having kids with everybody, and then there's this super educated couple that's holding it off and putting it off until they're in their 40s, and then they can't have kids, and the guy doesn't have any sperm left, and the girl's eggs are bad. | ||
| That's the reality of intelligent, educated people with careers, is that they have less children. | ||
| And so that's the fear of population collapse in large urban environments. | ||
| When people move up in economic status and they move up in terms of their career, that takes precedent over having children. | ||
| Yeah, I think that is happening. | ||
| I mean, look, for me, I'm 38. I don't have kids yet. | ||
| You know, my wife, she just got her MBA. We haven't started having kids yet. | ||
| I mean, I think in the very near future, you know, God willing, we'll be able to do that. | ||
| But yeah, we put these other things first. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what people do. | ||
| Well, and I think that's... | ||
| I think that's partially responsible for the extreme wokeness. | ||
| Let me take you there in this. | ||
| I haven't fully formed this thought, but basically, like, I think from my friends who have kids... | ||
| Once you have kids, the world shrinks, right? | ||
| It's like, what matters is your family, what matters those kids' lives, what's going on in their lives, are they struggling, do they not have friends in school, is one of them hurt, is one of them injured, are they, like, developing emotionally? | ||
| You don't have all this extra time to be worried about all these kind of, like, manifestations of outrage, right? | ||
| Like if you have two fucking toddlers that you're carrying around all day and mustard stains all over your shirt, you're not exactly going to the march about Chappelle's show and saying this is fucked up. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| And I think what happens is in these urban centers where you're saying these like cities like New York where I live and these other ones, San Francisco and LA, people are waiting so much longer to have children so they have so many more years to focus on The outrage or focus on what is wrong with the world. | ||
| Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't put focus on that. | ||
| I'm just saying it is harder when you have three kids you have to take care of and provide for every single day. | ||
| It's also there's a natural thing that happens to many intelligent women, let's say in show business. | ||
| They get older and they become activists. | ||
| It's almost like automatic. | ||
| That's when the roles dry up, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once the roles dry up, it's like, what do I have to do to stay on the ship? | ||
| It's a little bit of that, but it's also, it's like, they want relevance. | ||
| They want something that's important to them. | ||
| And so they want to talk about, like, the problems of the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Which women with children get a little upset, saying, well, the problems of the world, like, we have to make the world better for the next generation. | ||
| I don't want my kids getting shot in school. | ||
| That's the big problem. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The problem isn't your pronoun. | ||
| The problem is the kid could get shot in school and I don't want that. | ||
| Well, it's also you want your children to be healthy. | ||
| You don't want the rivers to be polluted. | ||
| You don't want global warming. | ||
| You want them to inherit a world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One of the things that happens when there's a giant mass of people like cities is you don't feel a primal urge to procreate. | ||
| Because the people around you aren't procreating. | ||
| Because there's so many people. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know, that's what coyotes do. | ||
| Do you know, when coyotes do roll call, you know, when they howl? | ||
| When they're doing that, they're checking to see who's around. | ||
| And if one of them doesn't respond, that means they're dead. | ||
| And what happens with the female is, when a coyote gets killed out of a pack, the female coyotes will produce extra offspring in their litter. | ||
| So, like, if a coyote pack remains intact and they have no threat and they do the roll call all the time and all the coyotes respond, the female will have two or three cubs. | ||
| But if they call out and then a coyote doesn't respond or one or two is dead, then the female will have five, six, seven cubs. | ||
| There's a natural thing that happens in their body where nature realizes they have to pick up the slack because there's animals that are missing. | ||
| When you're in an environment, like an urban environment, and you are stuck on the 405, and there's fucking millions of people, the last thing you think is, man, we need more people. | ||
| It's just natural. | ||
| If it happens in other animals, you got to think that it happens in people. | ||
| This brings us back to dolphins. | ||
| Elon is a coyote. | ||
| No, Elon, he's just logical. | ||
| He thinks like math. | ||
| He's like looking at this like, oh, I see where this is going. | ||
| He's like seeing it in terms of like a hundred year curve. | ||
| It's like we need a lot of people. | ||
| People are going to stop breeding. | ||
| And there's going to be a big fall off. | ||
| Okay, you were saying with dolphins though. | ||
| Dolphins, the female has to have this baby that she protects for like six, seven years, whatever the number is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So male dolphins will come along. | ||
| Kill the baby. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They'll kill the baby to force the female into estrus. | ||
| So she'll want to breed again and she'll fuck. | ||
| So the strategy that female dolphins have devised is they become sluts. | ||
| So female dolphins fuck as many male dolphins as possible. | ||
| So everyone thinks it's theirs and they all protect it. | ||
| That's the bonobo chimpanzees thing. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| Chimpanzees use it for problem solving. | ||
| But they use it for problem solving and they use it for conflict resolution. | ||
| They fuck to resolve tension. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| They're the only animal other than us that does it for pleasure. | ||
| My understanding was specifically the bonobo chimpanzees have sex with everybody like almost family members and everybody's fucking and the idea was if everybody's fucking we have to protect everyone because everybody could be your kid, they could be your father, they could be your uncle, etc. | ||
| Sort of, but the males fuck their kids. | ||
| Which is bad. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| You know who doesn't fuck? | ||
| The mother won't fuck the son. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And that's our favorite porn. | ||
| Ah, stepmom porn. | ||
| I think that's why Elon's dad didn't get much shit. | ||
| Oh, he got a lot of shit. | ||
| It was for a week. | ||
| Yeah, but nobody knows who he is. | ||
| It's like, why are you concentrating on some guy from South Africa? | ||
| I mean, it's the father of the richest guy ever. | ||
| I think that there's a reasonable amount of concentration. | ||
| Sort of the richest guy ever. | ||
| Ooh, go on that. | ||
| Yeah, it's the Saudis. | ||
| They're the richest people ever. | ||
| It's not public. | ||
| Or Putin's the richest ever. | ||
| Yeah, he's one of the richest ever. | ||
| But are you the richest ever? | ||
| The royal oil families, they don't have to disclose their income. | ||
| They're trillionaires. | ||
| I talked to Dana White about this. | ||
| But that's the family. | ||
| This is a guy. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| The amount of wealth. | ||
| The amount of wealth from pulling billions of dollars of oil out of the ground a day is fucking insane. | ||
| Do they have weapons of mass destruction? | ||
| Some countries do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's arguments that they might. | ||
| It's like, look, you could buy it from Russia. | ||
| You could buy nuclear missiles back in the day. | ||
| That's Operation Odessa. | ||
| They tried to sell that guy a submarine. | ||
| Nuclear submarine. | ||
| Yeah, to move Coke around in, and they asked him if he wanted nuclear missiles. | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Yeah, because they were just trying to make money, right? | ||
| They were just selling everything they had. | ||
| I sell you a missile as well. | ||
| That's a wild thing to do. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Sell a nuclear missile. | ||
| Yeah, to a dude who's trying to run coke under the ocean. | ||
| Dude, I've never done coke. | ||
| You ever do coke? | ||
| No, I've never done coke. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know why I never did coke? | |
| I put on my gums once. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I had a friend and his cousin was a coke addict when I was in high school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And? | |
| And I got to watch his life fall apart. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He whittled away to like 140 pounds, just stayed in his fucking... | ||
| He had an apartment in the attic with his girlfriend. | ||
| It's in Boston? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And all they did was, in Newton, all they did was do coke and watch TV. Yeah. | ||
| It was fucking horrible. | ||
| I watched him vanish. | ||
| It was like someone who got bit by a vampire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's how it looked to me. | ||
| I was like, ooh. | ||
| I was always scared of anything that could turn you into a loser. | ||
| Yeah, I just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't like the energy on Coke. | ||
| Like, I have friends who are drunk, and they're fun. | ||
| Like, we got shit-faced when we did our pod, and it was fun. | ||
| How fun was that? | ||
| It was the most fun. | ||
| That was so fun. | ||
| And you said something to be interesting about just, like, what people gravitate to in general. | ||
| Maybe this is Inside Baseball podcast, but, like... | ||
| The hang, the silliness. | ||
| We weren't trying to change the fucking world. | ||
| We were just guys busting balls and having fun. | ||
| I mean, that episode was just fucking berserk. | ||
| But I see people get drunk and I do it. | ||
| And I would see people coked up and I would be really annoyed by them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, I don't want to be annoyed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or be annoying. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But drunk, like, I get friends that are high. | ||
| They're fucking hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, the mushroom shit, it fucks me up too much. | ||
| But, like, I see friends on mushrooms. | ||
| We're just laughing. | ||
| Whatever is going to induce that laughing. | ||
| Yeah, mushrooms are not conducive necessarily to... | ||
| Although I did do mushrooms at Post Malone. | ||
| We had a great fucking podcast. | ||
| We were tripping. | ||
| And we were laughing our asses off. | ||
| He seems like a good kid. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Post is a great guy. | ||
| He's fucking cool as shit. | ||
| He's so relaxed. | ||
| And has handled fame well. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I always look at people who have had immense fame and how they've managed it and navigated it. | ||
| Well, he's drunk a lot. | ||
| That's one of the best ways to handle it. | ||
| That's how Chappelle does it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But yeah, you see it, right? | |
| He's talking to the kids, fucking dripping sweat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was crazy. | |
| Did you see the recent Chappelle thing? | ||
| Oh, he did a talk. | ||
| Chappelle's most... | ||
| Oh, the Netflix thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I did not see that. | ||
| I haven't seen full... | ||
| I've just seen clips, but I gotta watch it. | ||
| But, like, the most boss move of him is using Netflix as his Instagram. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, he's just like, I got a video. | ||
| Put this up, Ted. | ||
| Well, they'll take anything. | ||
| From Chappelle. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, what do you got? | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| He's like, I'm taking a shit and playing the guitar. | ||
| Run it. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Run it. | |
| Is John Mayer there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, whatever makes it interesting. | |
| He did a job singing. | ||
| Everybody's a wonderland. | ||
| But yeah, man. | ||
| Yeah, well, we were talking before the podcast about what happened. | ||
| So today is... | ||
| What's today's date? | ||
| Today is the 22nd, which is a Friday. | ||
| And just yesterday, Chappelle's show got canceled in Minneapolis in a venue that... | ||
| Did Prince own it? | ||
| I think that was the Purple Rain venue. | ||
| I don't know if you've ever owned it, but I think that was... | ||
| Like synonymous with Prince. | ||
| Right, with Prince. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was called First Ave. | ||
| And something happened where these people decided that Chappelle is problematic or transphobic or what have you. | ||
| And so the venue, at the last minute, like a couple of hours before the show... | ||
| Cancelled his performance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he had to move it to the Varsity Theater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there was protests. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| And you said one of your buddies was there? | ||
| Yeah, one of my buddies went. | ||
| So they moved it to this other theater. | ||
| And first of all, the reason why the venue cancelled is because all the people that work there threaten to not go to work. | ||
| That's what I'm hearing. | ||
| So it's not like they felt like this never-ending urge to protect the community. | ||
| They wanted Chappelle. | ||
| Everybody wants Chappelle at the venue, but if everybody is at the venue is going, I'm not going to work, then you can't exactly have a show. | ||
| So they do it at the other show, this other venue, and then the protesters went to the other venue and were kind of like, I don't know, for lack of a better term, harassing the people that were going to go to the actual show. | ||
| And my buddy went there, and they were trying to fight him. | ||
| Like he wasn't even going to the show. | ||
| He was going to see what was happening. | ||
| He wasn't like part of like an anti-protest type thing. | ||
| Did he make a video? | ||
| No, but he's a Somali kid, right? | ||
| I want to get you this. | ||
| Red Band sent me a video. | ||
| Yeah, show me. | ||
| What, of the eggs? | ||
| Where the guy was gonna throw the eggs and he got that shit kicked out of his hand? | ||
| No, no, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't seen it, so we'll see it for the first time together. | ||
| But look at this real quick before you play the video, right? | ||
| So a guy found out, one of the guys who was protesting was trying to fight him and fuck him up, found out who he was and then sends him a message, right? | ||
| And the guy's name is Anthony, and he has his pronouns he and they in the bio. | ||
| He and they? | ||
| Yeah, he and they. | ||
| Oh, sometimes I'm a they. | ||
| Sometimes I'm a he. | ||
| And if you get it wrong. | ||
| Yeah, don't get it wrong. | ||
| You're a bigot. | ||
| Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. | ||
| So he goes, hey, Abdi, I've talked with others who were there and closer to you now that the picture has become clear. | ||
| I'm very sorry that the white guy started off the whole escalation and caused a bunch of bad assumptions. | ||
| This is 100% why, as a cis white guy, I choose to follow the directions of the activists slash organizers on the ground instead of taking the lead. | ||
| I'm there to support. | ||
| It bothers me a lot that white guys do this and leave other people to pick up the mess. | ||
| I'm going to delete my replies because they didn't pick up on what was actually happening. | ||
| You know, I see your byline in MSR and Sahan Journal and look forward to reading some of your pieces. | ||
| Hope our next meeting is more peaceful. | ||
| Good night. | ||
| Did he punch him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Why did he say more peaceful? | ||
| What did he do to him? | ||
| I guess they were just beefing or something. | ||
| So this is the video that Red Band sent me. | ||
| It says trans activists protesting outside a sold-out Chappelle show in Minneapolis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So let's play it and hear what they have to say Dumbass We know that shit! | |
| Queer phobes go home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| A lot of hostility out here. | ||
| But it's not a lot of people that are hostile. | ||
| It's a small amount. | ||
| It seems like there's like, if you're watching this, it seems like there's probably like 12 or 4, I don't know. | ||
| It's hard to see. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the thing about Chappelle's special that drives me crazy, and this is one of the things that drives me crazy about cancel culture, air quotes, outrage culture, I should say, is that people don't know the full story, and they protest, and they get crazy, and they have a narrative that they've either read or they've seen, and then they just adopt that narrative, and they run with it. | ||
| And the narrative is that his special was transphobic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That special is not transphobic at all. | ||
| It's essentially a love letter to a friend who committed suicide. | ||
| I think that depends on your definition of transphobia. | ||
| I've talked to some trans people about this. | ||
| And they feel, if you do not believe that they are the gender that they identify as, if you believe that they're not that, that that is considered transphobic. | ||
| So, for example, in the special he's like, I don't believe that you're a woman. | ||
| I don't hate you, but I don't believe you're a woman. | ||
| Did he say that? | ||
| Something to that extent? | ||
| I don't want to mess up the exact words. | ||
| I think he said that gender... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Or gender is a science or something, whatever. | ||
| I don't want to mess it up. | ||
| Sorry if I didn't get exactly right. | ||
| But I think the sentiment was like, yo, if you had a penis, it's not the same thing as a woman. | ||
| I think trans women go, yeah, we know that. | ||
| No trans woman I've spoken to is like, yeah, I understand biologically I'm not a fucking woman. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But inside I feel like a woman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And what is inside, I guess, matters. | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| How do they know if they feel like a woman? | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| Have you seen the documentary, What is a Woman? | ||
| It's my favorite documentary. | ||
| No. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| No, you told me about it. | ||
| You gotta watch it. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| It's Matt Walsh, who's this right-wing guy. | ||
| With the beard. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he has the best deadpan in the fucking business. | ||
| Because all he's doing with these people is asking questions. | ||
| He's not making assumptions. | ||
| He's not being confrontational. | ||
| He's just letting them say their stuff. | ||
| And it's fucking crazy. | ||
| There's this one lady who's talking about babies. | ||
| Knowing they're in the wrong body. | ||
| Babies. | ||
| How does a fucking baby know anything? | ||
| Babies sometimes think they're dinosaurs. | ||
| My brother was a Power Ranger. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. | ||
| I thought I was a ninja. | ||
| Really? | ||
| For how long? | ||
| And then you kind of followed through. | ||
| You did Taekwondo. | ||
| You committed to that shit way too long, bro. | ||
| Wow, I got really excited about Bruce Lee movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But the thing is about the... | |
| I guess identify thing is... | ||
| I was texting you this, but I thought it was really kind of funny. | ||
| Women actually opened the door for this. | ||
| Because we were objectifying you for your body parts for a long time. | ||
| And you were like, we're more than that. | ||
| It's what's inside that matters. | ||
| And now the trans people are like, yeah, it's what's inside. | ||
| And now ladies are like, fuck, yeah, kind of. | ||
| I mean, what about my pussy? | ||
| You don't think that? | ||
| JK Rowling! | ||
| That's her whole thing! | ||
| That's not what her whole thing is. | ||
| Her whole thing is that you're not a woman just because you say you're a woman. | ||
| What makes you a woman? | ||
| That pussy, Joe. | ||
| No, actually, you're every single cell of your fucking body. | ||
| Do you know that there's a movement right now amongst archaeologists where they don't want to identify dead people as male or female because you don't know how they're identified? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Yes, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's where it goes. | ||
| You can tell. | ||
| You can dig someone up that has been dead for 100 years and you can tell whether or not that was a male or a female, meaning did they have a double X chromosome or an XY. You could tell by the structure of their body. | ||
| You could tell by many, many things. | ||
| But trans people aren't saying that. | ||
| The ones that I speak to, they're not saying, yeah, my biology is exactly equal to a woman. | ||
| They're saying, I feel like a fucking woman inside. | ||
| I feel like I'm in the wrong body. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck that feels like, but if you say that that's how you feel, it is confusing, but I can't tell you that you don't feel like you're in the wrong body. | ||
| But that was the original way they would address it. | ||
| Now they just address it in terms of the most aggressive versions of trans people. | ||
| They're saying, I am a woman. | ||
| They're not saying, I identify as a woman. | ||
| They're saying, I am a woman. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, the most extreme version of everybody sucks. | ||
| The most extreme version of a dude from Texas sucks. | ||
| The most extreme version of a dude from New York sucks. | ||
| Every extreme stinks. | ||
| Extreme right sucks. | ||
| Extreme left sucks. | ||
| But those are the people who get... | ||
| The headlines, because that's the wildest thing to react to. | ||
| Like, the reasonable human being that's on the middle and has compassion for both sides never makes a fucking headline. | ||
| Look the way they paint you. | ||
| It's like, we all know who you are, right? | ||
| And then we see how you get painted by the media because it's like, that's what's gonna get people to click on it, right? | ||
| And it's like, it's a wild thing to even experience it, because you're like, I know this guy. | ||
| Like, I know who he is. | ||
| And then you see the headline, you're like, eh. | ||
| But that's what's clickable. | ||
| Dude, even with the fucking special, and I'm not trying to plug, but there's a certain amount of things that create an article, right? | ||
| When I said I bought it back, when I said that they wanted me to cut jokes, that wasn't an article yet. | ||
| When I posted one of the jokes they wanted to cut and it was an abortion joke, ding, ding, ding, trifecta. | ||
| Media goes after it. | ||
| It's... | ||
| No censorship. | ||
| Abortion, which is a hot fucking topic right now. | ||
| And I guess buying it back is like a cool thing and like putting it on itself. | ||
| Good timing with the abortion jokes. | ||
| Bro, it just shows. | ||
| You know when I filmed it, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Last September, like so long ago. | ||
| Quite a while. | ||
| Nothing changes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not much. | |
| Think about it. | ||
| There are Biden jokes in there that are still relevant. | ||
| Gas prices jokes, still irrelevant. | ||
| It was one of those things where we waited so long because we had to go through the process and everything. | ||
| But talk me through the process because we got sidetracked here. | ||
| So how did this work without naming names? | ||
| Or if you want to name names. | ||
| Look, here's the thing. | ||
| The reason why I haven't named the streamer and people have said a bunch of things is because the guy there is a good guy and he fought for it. | ||
| But people have bosses. | ||
| And... | ||
| Sometimes you have to do what the boss says. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So what was the scenario? | ||
| I sold a special. | ||
| We had it ready to go. | ||
| Even before COVID, we had the deal. | ||
| Did you sell it before you filmed it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you had a deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Had a deal. | ||
| Everything ready to go. | ||
| Did they come to see you live? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They saw me live. | |
| They saw those jokes? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So they bought it. | ||
| They go, we like it. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| At the show you were at. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're good. | |
| Everything's good to go. | ||
| Basically, the Chappelle trance thing happens and they freak out. | ||
| Culture changed. | ||
| They freak the fuck out. | ||
| I go I'm not cutting these and they start saying these like weird like corporate terms like You know, we don't want any punching down Which is like really the most like bigoted fucking way of looking at something like you have to look at yourself higher and above another person and like I get it You see a white guy on stage making fun of every different culture and person like I'm calling I'm fucking making fun of a Somali dude I'm making fun of women I'm making fun of like whoever it is Mexican yourself too though a lot exactly I'm | ||
| teasing me constantly. | ||
| Everybody gets these jokes. | ||
| That's the ethos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've been at the show. | |
| You understand what it is. | ||
| And all these people, they're coming for that. | ||
| They want to be part of it because they recognize, I don't fucking hate these people. | ||
| I'm actually curious. | ||
| I don't like dissecting comedy like that too much to other people like with the comics or do it, but like I'm curious in your culture and I want to learn about it. | ||
| And like, I understand that like as an outsider, maybe I have some cool observations that like, you know, but you didn't know other people saw. | ||
| And then you get to see that kind of get exposed, and people really like that. | ||
| They like being represented by it. | ||
| I make a joke about Albanians, the fucking Albanian community shares it like crazy. | ||
| It's a really cool thing to happen. | ||
| And we had this great fucking thing at these live shows where everybody walks in the door and they just they turn off the I'm offended by everything or whatever the world is outside and it becomes like I don't know what the I don't even know what to compare it to but it kind of becomes like remember when you're riding the bus to school? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And it's like, yo, we're all on the bus, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody's getting made fun of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you're going to get some shit thrown in the back of your head, and then you're going to clap back at that motherfucker for having a big nose, and he's going to clap back at you, and this girl's got red hair, we're fucking lighting her up, and it was just the best 30 minutes on the way to school. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's like, we've made that, and it exists, and it happens, and all this fucking outrage shit is bullshit, and you saw it in the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's beautiful. | |
| Right. | ||
| Well, the people that were there are the people that seek out that kind of humor. | ||
| Yes, that is also true. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's like, is it okay to seek out that kind of humor? | ||
| Now, if you don't like that kind of humor, don't fucking watch it. | ||
| And this is the fucking, this is the crazy thing about it. | ||
| Because I understand somewhat the the network wants like take it down and I'm fucking grateful I was even able to buy it back Okay, that's awesome. | ||
| I put it out myself right and I put out on my website and I'm only putting out for fucking two weeks Okay, there's a two-week fucking window where you can buy it. | ||
| It stops I think August 1st or July 31st I don't know but whatever the fuck I want interesting cuz I own it That's why did you decide two weeks though urgency I saw these amazing comics put specials up on like a platform like Netflix, and it just like, it's a fart in the wind. | ||
| Like, people go, I'll get to it eventually. | ||
| Oh, it's there forever. | ||
| I'll get to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's so much content. | |
| It's so much, and there's no urgency. | ||
| I wanted a fucking pay-per-view event. | ||
| Like, there's a reason I had fucking Bruce, and you connected me, so thank you so much for that. | ||
| But like, Bruce did the intro. | ||
| Yeah, Bruce Buffer's the man. | ||
| Dude, let me tell you something about Bruce. | ||
| And Michael Irvin has this as well. | ||
| Michael Irvin, he had a term for it, man. | ||
| I forget the fucking name for it. | ||
| But he's like, I'm a hundred percenter. | ||
| I go, what's that mean? | ||
| He goes, whatever I'm doing is a hundred percent. | ||
| Bruce is a hundred percenter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He could have been easy. | ||
| He could have had fucking note cards and read off the note cards. | ||
| He even said to us, he goes, let me give it another shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then fucking tore the roof off the place. | |
| Refresh this and do it from the top. | ||
| Oh, this shit is crazy. | ||
| Oh, he put the headphones on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the moment you've all been waiting for! | |
| It's time! | ||
| Pointing out of New York City! | ||
| He is the reigning defense! | ||
| And the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world, the one, the only, the infamous Andrew He's like a tomato. | ||
| He's as red as a tomato at the end. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He doesn't have to do it. | |
| Oh, of course he does. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But he's 100%. | |
| Oh, he's all in. | ||
| He's the best announcer of all time. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| And it's like, he came through, he fucking did it. | ||
| And honestly, kind of cool story. | ||
| The song that plays afterwards is by a musician named Russ, who is like the ultimate fucking indie dude. | ||
| And he's the reason I post this shit on YouTube. | ||
| He said in an interview that he wasn't getting any traction, so he said, fucking, I'm gonna put out a song a week. | ||
| Every week I'm gonna put out a song. | ||
| And I'm just gonna get better at this and keep on putting it out. | ||
| And I was like, fuck, I'm not working hard enough. | ||
| If this guy can put out a song a week, I'm gonna put out a clip a week. | ||
| And I put out a clip a week on fucking Instagram and YouTube for a year. | ||
| And that changed everything. | ||
| So I hit him up and I told him the fucking story, and I was like, dude, it would be an honor if we could have you do a song. | ||
| And he gave us a fucking unreleased song. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| To put on their thing. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| That's dope too that he was the inspiration and then he brought it all around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then he's on your show. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But yeah, the thing with the jokes is like, I'm not editing fucking jokes, Joe. | ||
| I don't mind. | ||
| Like, you write a movie for me, tell me what the fuck to say. | ||
| If I agree to do it, I'll fucking do it. | ||
| But I made this... | ||
| I'm so grateful for you for even shining a light on what I was doing and creating this opportunity for me. | ||
| Coming on this show for the first time, not only changed my career, but I think it changed a lot of comics' career because they also started doing the YouTube stuff and Instagram stuff and it really transformed how comedy is done now for a new generation. | ||
| Literally, it's like idea and then platform and cosign can shift the fucking industry, dude. | ||
| Yeah, it can. | ||
| It was after that fucking day, man. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| So, but I made my bones putting out comedy the exact way I wanted to put it out. | ||
| I had never done comedy on TV for a network. | ||
| So the first... | ||
| That's pretty amazing. | ||
| But the first time I do it, I'm gonna start clipping jokes and like cutting lines and watering it down. | ||
| Fuck that, dude. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I was able to do this and like, this company, Moment House, who does these live streaming events, they're fucking awesome. | ||
| They're like, yo, let's go do it. | ||
| And, um, and we just fucking, we did it and it was, it was awesome. | ||
| Well, you know, that's what Louis CK's been doing the last couple of times. | ||
| He's, he's the inspo too. | ||
| I gotta give so much credit to Louis because like, if he didn't, and Tom Segura and Christina P, because they were doing the, your mama's house live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, okay, so people will do it. | ||
| No, but I- You need to get in on that. | ||
| They're fun, yo. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I did one of them. | ||
| Crazy? | ||
| It's insanity. | ||
| The shit that they play, because you could never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever play that on YouTube. | ||
| Impossible. | ||
| You only could do it on that platform, that pay-per-view platform where people know what they're signing up for. | ||
| It's horrific, man. | ||
| I drove home like dry heaving. | ||
| I was the host of Fear Factor for six fucking years. | ||
| Like, I've seen some shit, and I'm driving home, just thinking about what the fuck I saw. | ||
| It's horrific, man. | ||
| But Louis did it, he sold his, and I was like, okay, this is possible. | ||
| Now, Louis, I'm looking at, you're a fucking superstar. | ||
| I'm like, can I do that? | ||
| Can I approach it? | ||
| I was like, I think we can. | ||
| I think that if we get the word out, we have, you know, we have a podcast and we have people who subscribe to the YouTube channel. | ||
| I think there's, and obviously my friends who are willing to support it. | ||
| I was like, I think we can do it. | ||
| And, um, but yeah, if Louis didn't fucking do that and have success, I also didn't know how successful he was. | ||
| And I kind of felt like embarrassed to ask him like, how much money did you make? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like that feels weird. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like money's a little gross in that regard. | ||
| And, um, but then, uh, I heard that he did pretty good. | ||
| And then Tom was giving me advice about the whole thing. | ||
| And it was, Yeah, it was just fire. | ||
| It can be done. | ||
| It can be done now. | ||
| There's ways to do it if you have a big enough reach and a big enough platform, as long as you're not getting fucking censored. | ||
| You know, if you're not getting... | ||
| As long as you have some social media where you can put it out and you have like a network. | ||
| But, you know, you've got to feel a little bit vulnerable just for relying on companies. | ||
| Relying on Instagram or Twitter and, you know, it seems like... | ||
| That's the whole reason why Elon wanted to buy Twitter in the first place, because he felt like there's just... | ||
| When Babylon Bee got censored, that was when he really stepped in. | ||
| It's like, this is ridiculous. | ||
| I thought it was really cool what he did with... | ||
| He went on their podcast after that. | ||
| And... | ||
| I've seen you do these types of things, too, which is like... | ||
| Nurture the people who have been wrongfully removed or silenced. | ||
| He don't have to do that. | ||
| That motherfucker's busy. | ||
| I mean, you saw the picture of him on the boat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, he's been working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He is the whitest motherfucker that's ever lived. | ||
| I feel like he never sees the sun. | ||
| He's a volleyball. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A volleyball! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I looked at the head. | |
| He is, right? | ||
| Like, I looked at the picture. | ||
| Like a corpse. | ||
| Bro, I hit up Akash and I was like, put your money in Tesla. | ||
| And he's like, why? | ||
| I'm like, this motherfucker's working. | ||
| He's not outside. | ||
| Like, Jeff Bezos is buff and fucking tan. | ||
| Amazon's in someone else's hands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Elon is in the factory still. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, he's cooking. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's interesting because it's an independent American company that makes automobiles. | ||
| It's the biggest independent American company ever. | ||
| African American, bro. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But it's an American company in terms of like it was all founded, started, built here. | ||
| They're even building microchips now. | ||
| They're doing everything. | ||
| Because like during the COVID crisis, one of the things that got really highlighted to a lot of people is our dependence on other companies in other countries rather to produce stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's one of the reasons why, you know, the United States is, they're spending money and putting a lot of effort into the manufacture of chips. | ||
| And right before they were about to announce this, Nancy Pelosi's husband, because he knew apparently, maybe, what do you think? | ||
| Maybe he got some inside news? | ||
| Bought $5 million worth of Nvidia stock, because he knew this shit was going to go up. | ||
| Which is wild. | ||
| That relationship with Nancy Pelosi and insider trading and her husband is wild. | ||
| Do you know that she's better at stock market picks than Warren Buffett and George Soros? | ||
| She can do no wrong, bro. | ||
| She should quit what she's doing. | ||
| You know why she can do no wrong, Joe. | ||
| You know why. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Them heavies? | ||
| Them fucking heavies, bro. | ||
| The heavies? | ||
| Dude, when I saw those things, dude. | ||
| The show sends me a picture of her and next to it is a guy lifting weights. | ||
| Barnyard fucking bonkers, dude. | ||
| They're giant. | ||
| It was truly... | ||
| Like, she's got implants, right? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Come on, dude. | ||
| I think they're so big. | ||
| They were just sitting high like that? | ||
| She's 80 years old. | ||
| Well, they're propped up. | ||
| No, but no freckles or nothing. | ||
| They look good. | ||
| No freckles? | ||
| You get freckles when they're big? | ||
| I mean, when you get 90. You start getting sunspots and shit. | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| She had none of them. | ||
| They were pristine. | ||
| Do you think they're fake? | ||
| They're fake, bro. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I DM'd Yoni Park afterwards. | ||
| If you're an 80-year-old lady and you said, are they fake? | ||
| No, I said, I'm leaving you. | ||
| Do you think those are real? | ||
| I think those gotta be fake, but look at that fucking body right there. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They look kind of fake. | ||
| No, she's got it, bro. | ||
| But yeah, is her husband a crook and is she a crook? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But does she have the stupid fat tits? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| She's got freckles. | ||
| She's got titty freckles. | ||
| Look at those. | ||
| Look at those yabos. | ||
| If they are fake, should we be able to comment on them? | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| The inside. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Where they touch in the center and then the chaos. | ||
| The Grand Canyon? | ||
| That's all the stuff that's seen the sun. | ||
| Yeah, but what's underneath... | ||
| It just shows you, like, Elon's got it right. | ||
| Stay out of the sun. | ||
| Yeah, but goddamn, I had no clue. | ||
| Look at the size of those cans. | ||
| Yeah, big, big, big, big, big. | ||
| You think those are fake? | ||
| I think they gotta be fake. | ||
| I think there's something else in there. | ||
| Well, they're definitely sticking out in an unusual way. | ||
| They're not just big. | ||
| They're big and out. | ||
| They're not like a tribe lady where they're sagging down. | ||
| Those suckers are out. | ||
| Out. | ||
| Could be some sort of a support bra, like a push-up bra. | ||
| Or some silicone. | ||
| It could be a lot of that. | ||
| Yeah, and if that's the case, Joe, they are the people's titties. | ||
| If my tax dollars have paid for those titties, Those are mine a little bit. | ||
| They probably haven't paid for them. | ||
| I bet our tax dollars, whatever she gets paid per year is probably barely enough to support her mortgage. | ||
| Barely. | ||
| Well, I was just trying to find an argument so I could objectify her tits. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You could just do that. | ||
| You think that's okay? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| She's kind of a pro. | ||
| She's enough of a scumbag? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what I was thinking about. | ||
| It's like Ghislaine Maxwell. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| She's got the big heavies. | ||
| Is that the way you made it back in the day? | ||
| What, having big tits? | ||
| Yeah, it's like Hillary got some sweet sweater pups. | ||
| Does she? | ||
| Have you not seen that? | ||
| I don't even think of her as a woman. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure she is. | ||
| She had a child. | ||
| What is a woman, Joe? | ||
| That's the question. | ||
| What is a woman, okay? | ||
| That's the crazy thing about this documentary. | ||
| They say it's someone who identifies as a woman. | ||
| And he goes, okay, but what is that? | ||
| If everyone who goes against you gets killed or ruined, is that a woman? | ||
| No. | ||
| That might be a woman. | ||
| The fucking Clinton hit list. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that... | |
| What are you saying? | ||
| I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| I'd like to agree with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is happening? | |
| Listen, this is a comedy podcast. | ||
| We're just throwing shit out here. | ||
| Don't trust us. | ||
| You hear about the latest guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| The latest guy who he got Epstein into the White House, I think seven times. | ||
| And he was a part of the whole island thing. | ||
| This guy hung himself with an electrical cord 30 miles from his home at a ranch and shot himself in the chest with a shotgun. | ||
| Yeah, no one does that at a ranch. | ||
| Like we were talking about earlier, it's too peaceful, it's too serene. | ||
| If you're going to shoot yourself, you shoot yourself in the head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A family of Bill Clinton advisor who admitted Jeffrey Epstein into White House seven times has blocked release of files detailing the death scene after he was found hanging from a tree with a shotgun blast at a ranch 30 miles from his home. | ||
| See, this is the stuff that we didn't know before the internet. | ||
| This is wild. | ||
| Well, I knew because of a book that I read a long time ago called The Strange Death of Vince Foster. | ||
| Vince Foster was a guy who was involved in a real estate adventure. | ||
| In Arkansas, was this? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| A corrupt real estate thing that went sideways. | ||
| And they found this guy. | ||
| He had the gun in his hand, which you never do. | ||
| When you shoot yourself, this is what happens. | ||
| You don't still hold on to the gun. | ||
| It's like this bang! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You don't, like, hold the gun. | ||
| He's on the ground with the gun pointing at his head. | ||
| It's like a Perry Mason TV episode. | ||
| You fucking idiots. | ||
| Like, that's not a way to kill somebody. | ||
| Not only that, there was less blood in his body, like, there was less blood at the scene of the crime than was missing from his body. | ||
| So they moved him. | ||
| So they moved his body 100%, and they put him somewhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they put the gun in his hand, which all those things point to murder rather than suicide. | ||
| And it would have incriminated Bill, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is part of the body count. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Now, does this prove it's worth killing? | ||
| Well, this doesn't prove anything. | ||
| He ends up becoming president. | ||
| We don't know what else he was involved in. | ||
| Look, it could have been he was banging some guy's wife. | ||
| When someone gets killed, just because that person's corrupt or involved in a corrupt thing doesn't mean they're the people that kill them. | ||
| People that are often corrupt are involved in a lot of shady shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They could be banging chicks. | ||
| They could be banging dudes. | ||
| They could be fucking selling drugs. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| You don't only do one corrupt thing. | ||
| You're a shady guy. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there. | ||
| Yeah, you're a shady guy. | ||
| When shady people get killed, people that are involved in criminal enterprises get killed. | ||
| Who knows what else they were involved with? | ||
| These people like juice. | ||
| They like the fucking, yeah, I'm doing something bad. | ||
| They like doing bad things. | ||
| Yeah, that's their adrenaline rush. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| That said, like, who fucking knows? | ||
| So the Nancy Pelosi thing, right? | ||
| Like, she's transparent about it. | ||
| She's like, yeah, I think that private citizens should be able to trade. | ||
| My husband's a private citizen. | ||
| She says that flat out, right? | ||
| Did you see the most recent denial of whether or not she told her husband? | ||
| Was she in a bathing suit? | ||
| Because if she wasn't, I didn't see it, you know? | ||
| There was a recent, see if you can find the video. | ||
| You got it here, put the headphones back on. | ||
| Well, when he gets it, you gotta see this. | ||
| First of all, there's a lot of bad actresses out there. | ||
| Amber Heard's a bad actress. | ||
| Amber Heard looks like Daniel Day-Lewis compared to her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's so bad. | |
| She's so bad. | ||
| It's so fake. | ||
| It's like, oh my god. | ||
| We're seeing this way... | ||
| Look, she's an 80-year-old woman, okay? | ||
| The internet is only like, what, 25 years old? | ||
| Okay, let's listen to this. | ||
| My husband has not bought stock based on any of my information. | ||
| Listen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think we have to go now. | |
| One more, he said. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Over the course of your career, has your husband ever made a stock purchase or sale based on the information you received from you? | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| No. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| She pushed the mic for that. | ||
| She could just walk away. | ||
| She doesn't have to push the mic now. | ||
| Okay, this goes away now. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro. | |
| Bro. | ||
| That shit was hilarious. | ||
| That is so bad. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gotta go? | |
| Gotta go! | ||
| Gotta go! | ||
| Could you imagine if you really were innocent? | ||
| You would go, that is not my character. | ||
| I would never do that. | ||
| I swore an oath to be in this office. | ||
| I'm not about making money. | ||
| I'm about helping people. | ||
| So what if I make 200 grand a year and I'm worth a half a billion dollars? | ||
| That's just luck. | ||
| Usual Suspects. | ||
| You saw the movie? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Remember the guy that they knew did it? | ||
| The guy that they knew did it was the guy that slept that night. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you were accused of something you didn't do and you could go to jail, you're never gonna sleep in the jail cell. | ||
| You're freaking out. | ||
| Your life is about to be torn away from you. | ||
| You're not comfortable at all. | ||
| The guy who knows he did it... | ||
| Sleeps like a baby. | ||
| He sleeps like a fucking baby. | ||
| I think I got this right. | ||
| I hope I did. | ||
| But that's a perfect example. | ||
| Like when you know you fucked up. | ||
| Well, she's just so used to having that kind of power and also that kind of influence. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Why do we- Absolutely not. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's that. | ||
| And nothing will happen to me. | ||
| Gotta go. | ||
| Nothing will happen. | ||
| No, nothing's gonna happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever. | |
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| Until Republicans get in control. | ||
| If the Republicans get in control, they will do something to try to- Weren't they? | ||
| Weren't they in control in the beginning of Trump? | ||
| Well, they probably prompted too. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Have you ever seen the congressional list of congresspeople who benefited on the stock market? | ||
| Boy. | ||
| That's why you need a wife. | ||
| Like, that's why you need a husband. | ||
| You need someone connected to you to do the dirty work. | ||
| That's the Hunter Biden shit, right? | ||
| Like, you can't send a friend to the Ukraine. | ||
| You gotta send family. | ||
| This is like old school, if you think about it like a... | ||
| That's how they used to do it, but the problem is then you're directly connected to it. | ||
| But isn't it better because those are the only people you can trust? | ||
| Yeah, but he didn't trust his son. | ||
| His son was a classic fuck-up. | ||
| He was smoking crack on the street. | ||
| He was smoking Vietnam street crack. | ||
| That's daddy issues right there. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I hate my father. | ||
| He probably wanted to get caught. | ||
| So that his dad would suffer because he wanted to be liberated. | ||
| His dad probably wasn't around. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Dad was probably a shitty dad. | ||
| And here's some... | ||
| You want to talk about toxic femininity? | ||
| This is something interesting that we subscribe to. | ||
| Why is it that dad can only fuck up a kid? | ||
| Like, if a dad's not around, the daughter becomes a hooker, a stripper, an OnlyFans, or something like that, right? | ||
| If he's fucked up Hunter in some way, like, there's no way Jill, is it Jill Biden? | ||
| Like, maybe Jill Biden made him a crackhead. | ||
| Like, Joe's busy doing political shit all the time. | ||
| Jill, what are you doing? | ||
| Make sure your son's not a crackhead. | ||
| I'm trying to say, like, I don't understand, like, why it's always on us. | ||
| No matter what happens to the kid, it's our fuck-up. | ||
| Present a mommy issues argument to me. | ||
| Well, I think with men in particular, there is a thing that happens when a man grows up without a father figure. | ||
| And then with women, the thing that happens is the woman grows up longing for male attention. | ||
| I think there's a balance in nature that male, and this is not to say that a lesbian couple can't raise a healthy child because they can, or a gay couple can't raise a healthy child because they can, and it's not saying that a single mom can't raise a healthy, because there's a lot of powerful people out there that were raised by single moms. | ||
| But in some situations, there is a longing for that figure in your life. | ||
| And you see it in other people's lives. | ||
| Like, you go to your friend's house, and the dad's cool, and he takes you fishing, and everybody goes, God, I wish I had a dad like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That fucks with people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and when your dad is... | ||
| Not just one of the most powerful people in the world, at the time he was the Vice President of the United States of America, but also hooking you up with corrupt business deals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you know. | ||
| Do you know he put his dad in his phone as Pedo Peter? | ||
| Yeah, that's wild. | ||
| Because his dad had an alter ego. | ||
| It was, I think, Peter Hutchinson? | ||
| What was Joe Biden's... | ||
| He had like a deep check in hotels under a fake name, right? | ||
| Because he's Joe Biden. | ||
| He always wanted to go and get phone calls from people. | ||
| Hey, Joe, help me out with this fucking oil deal. | ||
| Come on, I'm busy. | ||
| So, he puts his dad in his phone as Pedo Peter. | ||
| He hates his dad, bro. | ||
| It has to do with Spider-Man? | ||
| Peter Parker? | ||
| Peter Parker? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's not Peter Parker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what the internet says. | |
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So that's why Joe Biden used the name Peter? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, that doesn't explain the pedo part. | ||
| The pedo is the one we have an issue with, not Peter. | ||
| One of the fucking greatest memes I saw was that Joe's bummed out that he can't sniff kids anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's as soon as he found out that he got COVID. He couldn't sniff kids. | |
| He's like, these kids don't smell like anything. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Is it officially over if he survives? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It was over when Chris Christie survived. | ||
| That's why I lost all my fear. | ||
| How can that fat fuck can make it through COVID? I'm golden. | ||
| When I got COVID, I wasn't even a little nervous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When that guy survived, I'm like, oh, let me get what he got and I'll skate through this shit. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| Like, both of my folks who are older have it now. | ||
| Right now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My parents just got over it. | ||
| Just got over it. | ||
| So it's like, were you concerned? | ||
| No, I sent them help. | ||
| You know, look, I have sent nurses to... | ||
| 30 people? | ||
| You hooked my wife up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got us the monoclonal. | ||
| Yeah, I've done it to like probably 30 people. | ||
| And I'm not kidding. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I do it because it's the right thing to do. | ||
| I want people to know that there's other ways to get out of this. | ||
| That, you know, you don't have to just sit around and hope that your immune system takes care of it. | ||
| Like there's treatments. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's just crazy that we could be so obsessed with a thing. | ||
| Like, do you ever... | ||
| I don't know, maybe you move on beyond this shit, but, like, the collective wisdom towards COVID now is kind of like what you got in trouble for. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And, like, is there ever a part of you that's like... | ||
| Can I get a little fucking apology? | ||
| Like y'all called me a maniac for years. | ||
| You said I was killing people. | ||
| Well, people were nervous. | ||
| In the beginning, people were scared and they really felt like if you had COVID, you did something wrong if you got COVID because they really thought the vaccine protected you. | ||
| And people were dying. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| People were dying. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| Do you know that out of the people that even hospitalization, the vast majority of them were overweight? | ||
| This guy who I like a lot was saying how many cops were dying from COVID. I go, do you know any cops are overweight? | ||
| He was saying, this is a real thing. | ||
| Do you know how many police officers are dying from COVID? More than are getting shot. | ||
| I'm like, do you know how many police officers are fat? | ||
| It's like 80%. | ||
| There's an astonishing number of police officers that are overweight. | ||
| And all my friends in the tactical world, like all my friends that are SEALs and high-level military guys, they think it's disgusting when they see overweight, obese cops. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that is? | ||
| To be a person that might be in a situation where you have to use your body to either protect others or protect yourself, and you have slovenly eaten yourself into a fucking water balloon Of fat and cholesterol. | ||
| That is interesting. | ||
| And corn syrup, you fucking slob. | ||
| Do military folks need to meet physical requirements every year? | ||
| Is there like a... | ||
| It depends on what branch, what you do. | ||
| Like seals. | ||
| You can't be a fat seal. | ||
| I'm just saying, it seems like that's a reasonable thing. | ||
| Well, you know, that's David Goggins' thing. | ||
| He was always like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of motherfuckers, they think they're savage because they were a savage for six months. | |
| He goes, if you're a fucking savage, you're a savage 24 hours a day, seven days a week. | ||
| Wake me up at 3 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I'll run 100 miles, motherfucker. | ||
| And he feels like if you're going to be a savage, he's a seal. | ||
| He's like, if you want to be a savage, you're a fucking savage. | ||
| That's who you are. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| Stay hard! | ||
| Have you ever seen him take a nap or something like that? | ||
| I'm sure he takes naps. | ||
| But I don't see it. | ||
| We've got to find David. | ||
| He sleeps. | ||
| He sleeps? | ||
| Yeah, he sleeps when he has to. | ||
| Or, like, sneak a cupcake or something like that? | ||
| Well, you don't know what an animal that guy is. | ||
| Like, let me tell you something about that guy. | ||
| That guy, not only is his knee... | ||
| His knees are so destroyed that he was running on bone-on-bone cartilage to the point where he had to get... | ||
| Well, the cartilage was gone. | ||
| Bone-on-bone. | ||
| No cartilage, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Where he had to get... | ||
| An operation, because it's called, I think it's called Wolf Syndrome, where the bone grows in a deformity. | ||
| My dad has this. | ||
| To deal with the fact, but he was, the doctor looked at his knee and he said, I can't even believe you could walk on this, never mind run thousands of miles. | ||
| He's a fucking animal. | ||
| That happened to my pops. | ||
| He was running marathons back in the day, and he had a bunch of issues, but he was running them in army boots. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Remember boxers back in the day. | ||
| Hagler. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hagler. | |
| That's what Hagler would do. | ||
| I think Ali, too. | ||
| And this was like the conventionalism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Combat boots. | |
| You run in a combat boot. | ||
| Now, combat boots are zero art support, completely flat. | ||
| It's a reason why I think flat-footed people don't have to go to the army or didn't have to go to the army. | ||
| They couldn't go to the army. | ||
| Yeah, they wouldn't take you, right? | ||
| And so his feet got all fucked up. | ||
| His knees were all fucked up. | ||
| No cartilage either of his knees. | ||
| And then, yeah, he started to have like one of his knees has started to like warp. | ||
| You met my pops at the wedding. | ||
| And then one of his knees started to warp a little bit and his right knee is kind of like almost like bent out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a gnarly thing that starts to happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did he get it fixed? | ||
| No, because he's losing his memory. | ||
| Most of the time people have to get knee replacements when that happens. | ||
| Yeah, but it's tough when like, even like getting his teeth fixed and that kind of stuff, it's a harder process when they are forgetting. | ||
| Like my dad, you know, his short-term memory is pretty much gone. | ||
| So long-term memory is still intact, but short-term is still there. | ||
| Like, memories divide into two different, I guess, segments or whatever. | ||
| So, like, the things from your past you kind of remember, but the things that are happening recently you don't attach yourself to as much. | ||
| So he forgets to do shit. | ||
| Well, yeah, he forgets the things that he says to you and that kind of stuff. | ||
| Now, weirdly, he's, like, the happiest he's ever been. | ||
| And I wonder if this is, like... | ||
| Don't remember things, you'd be happy. | ||
| Yeah, like, the stress. | ||
| Or, like, he was, you know, he'd suffer from depression and that kind of stuff. | ||
| And, like, I wonder if, in a weird way... | ||
| And this is, like, some Duval-level shit where, like... | ||
| You know, what is your perception on this? | ||
| It's very easy for me to be selfishly going, my dad doesn't remember a combo I had. | ||
| But, like, the altruistic way of going is, like, what if he's dealing with less stress and he's enjoying his day and he's reading his books and he's like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's probably the way to look at it because... | ||
| You can't change it, dude. | ||
| You can't change it. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, if he's seemingly doing the best that he can for this situation, I mean, it's stressful for my mom, but, like, if he's doing the best that he can in this situation, like... | ||
| It doesn't help him at all for me to be lamenting what he's going through. | ||
| It depends about the economic situation, right? | ||
| Like if your dad's well off enough so that he can get care and get people to take care of him and you just sort of ride off into the sunset, that is what it is, you know? | ||
| But yeah, man, it's an interesting... | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
| My mom threw him an 80th birthday. | ||
| My dad's like my fucking hero. | ||
| I mean, like, you know, you were at the wedding. | ||
| And like... | ||
| Your dad had you when he was fairly old. | ||
| 40. My brother at 45. Old cum, Joe. | ||
| It does the trick. | ||
| Old nut. | ||
| Old nut. | ||
| What about Elon's dad? | ||
| He's 75 and he just shot a live one in there. | ||
| That's gonna be a great kid. | ||
| Bang! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| Maybe he's doing it on purpose. | ||
| Maybe he's trying to get kids on the spectrum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It worked with Elon. | |
| He's like, I need as many Asperger's kids as possible. | ||
| This is how we're going to change the world. | ||
| Dude, that could be it. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wonder what that is. | ||
| My mom threw him his birthday party. | ||
| 80th birthday. | ||
| And this was the coolest thing. | ||
| So all of his friends from throughout life came. | ||
| There's like 50 people. | ||
| And to still have 50 people who were affected by you at that age? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That was fucking touching, man. | ||
| I'm 38 and I'm already shedding friends. | ||
| So all these people here and they're dancing. | ||
| And it was the most beautiful thing because all these friends are friends from decades ago. | ||
| So it was like for a night, he had his memory back. | ||
| Because all the stories that he talked about with these people... | ||
| He remembered. | ||
| They're baked into his long-term memory. | ||
| And I don't know if he realized it, but for a night, he's normal. | ||
| For a night, he's talking about history and about things that happened. | ||
| And yet he's saying some things and repeating a couple things, but they're also dancing. | ||
| So it's like momentary interactions and a lot is like move. | ||
| My parents had a dance studio growing up, so it was a big part of what they did. | ||
| And like, it was this beautiful thing that my mom gave him. | ||
| I don't even know if she realized, like, what a gift that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, to give... | |
| Give your husband, like, normalcy? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I just thought it was the coolest thing. | ||
| Well, that's one of the things they think happens to people, and one of the ways to avoid some of the cognitive decline is to do a bunch of different things, like drive different ways to work, don't do the same pattern every day. | ||
| And one of the things that kills people is, like, the day-in, day-out grind of the same job, the same stuff, with the same people, a lack of novelty. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It builds elasticity in the brain tissue or something like that? | ||
| Yeah, you should always try to do new things, try to learn new languages. | ||
| Like Bertrand Russell, who was this incredible, fascinating intellectual, was sharp as a fucking tack, like deep, deep, deep into his old age. | ||
| There's some great YouTube videos of him talking about stuff, like deep into his old age. | ||
| And he was just constantly learning. | ||
| He was constantly doing stuff, just stimulating his mind, like forcing his mind to learn and study and consider things. | ||
| I think it's probably like everything else. | ||
| It's like a muscle, right? | ||
| Like if you don't use that muscle, it atrophies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think the mind is very similar to that. | ||
| It's not the same in like you don't see the physical growth of it, but it's like it's making connections, it's doing stuff that force it into that place where it has to be considering things and learning and growing. | ||
| Working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I like so many different things. | ||
| I like to do a bunch of different things. | ||
| I think it's good for the mind. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I'm saying that because that's like the positive effects of it, but I'm just... | ||
| Drawn to doing stuff. | ||
| To doing those things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then, yeah, that's a nice benefit. | ||
| It's a nice benefit. | ||
| To doing all these things. | ||
| But it's not like I've thought it out. | ||
| But that's the tricky thing also is like, as you get more successful and more wealthy, you can remove inconveniences from your life. | ||
| And sometimes people find it inconvenient to learn a new thing. | ||
| Like to just pick up a new sport or a new hobby because they're going to deal with like the humiliating part of sucking at something. | ||
| Yeah, you get soft. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get soft. | ||
| And you're like, I'm just gonna do the things that I'm good at, and then that's it. | ||
| I'm not gonna try something different. | ||
| I'm not gonna change. | ||
| So, like, low-key, this is why fucking Larry David, I think, is the GOAT. Because, like, as a comedian, like, it's very easy, like, when you get successful. | ||
| I think sometimes people get less funny when they're less successful because you remove the inconveniences in your life that push you to write the bit. | ||
| Like, I moved back to New York because I couldn't write jokes in Miami because life was too wonderful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Dude, it was like people there, they want to hang out with their family, they want to party, they want to listen to music loud, they want to dance, they want to eat food. | ||
| That is not anything for me to push back against. | ||
| I need you raged about something, and then I want to take away your rage. | ||
| The more outraged you are, the more I want to take away. | ||
| You hate Trump? | ||
| I'm going to defend him. | ||
| You hate Clinton? | ||
| I'm going to defend him. | ||
| Whoever you are really pissed off about, I'm going to find a joke. | ||
| That's the fun for me, right? | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| I had to go back to New York. | ||
| I had to be in a place where there are gonna be people like rubbing against me. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And like what I admire about fucking Larry David is that like the guy has more money than God. | ||
| He could remove himself from every bit of inconvenience in his life. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He could if he wanted to. | ||
| But he's so pure. | ||
| That even if he tried, it wouldn't work. | ||
| Well, what does he do? | ||
| Bro, do you have the video of him introducing Ariana Grande on SNL? This is... | ||
| Just watch this video. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| He can't not be himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know what I'm saying? | |
| All he has to do is introduce Ariana Grande. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| Just leaves. | ||
| Just leaves, okay? | ||
| He just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He fucks up the name, but it's not like you threw out a first pitch. | |
| Let me see this again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ladies and gentlemen, Ariara... | |
| Joe, you could practice the name. | ||
| You could just say it. | ||
| You've been to Starbucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Grande's not the hardest fucking thing to say, right? | |
| And he knows he messed it up, and he doesn't even try to fix it. | ||
| He goes, why? | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| My job's done. | ||
| Moves on. | ||
| It's like, why does ice need to be a circle? | ||
| What's wrong? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The world is constantly rubbing against him. | |
| I thought initially that he did Curb, and I was like, oh, is he just trying to tell people that he was the talented one, not Jerry, and Jerry's getting all the fucking credit, right? | ||
| And he's like, let me show these motherfuckers. | ||
| This guy makes the B movie. | ||
| I'm going to make fucking Curb. | ||
| I'll show you the difference in who's a comedian here. | ||
| And then now I really think it's just there are things that bother me, and I don't do stand-up. | ||
| I do this, and I just need to get this out in the world. | ||
| It's not money. | ||
| The guy's got money. | ||
| Attention, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I think there's a fucking purity to him. | |
| Well, there must be, right? | ||
| Because he's not balling out of control with all that money. | ||
| He was driving a Prius for the longest time, and now he drives one of them little electric BMWs. | ||
| Wait a minute, with like the half-door thing? | ||
| Half-door thing? | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| Not that one. | ||
| The nerdy one. | ||
| The shitty one. | ||
| They're all nerdy. | ||
| It's like the I something or another. | ||
| Not the cool one that looks like a sports star. | ||
| Yeah, look at that thing. | ||
| Yeah, look at the back door. | ||
| It's like weird. | ||
| Oh yeah, it opens like suicide. | ||
| Oh, it does? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, it opens like a Rolls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But yeah, the guy is... | ||
| He's pure, man. | ||
| As far as comedy goes. | ||
| The BMW i3, that's what it is. | ||
| A cute little car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little electric car. | ||
| We were talking about this before, about like... | ||
| Like people's relationship with wealth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And how, you know, you said something to me that like people will resent wealth if you showcase it and you brag about it. | ||
| And it's like, and it is true. | ||
| And I think you see this with like the Kardashians a lot where it's like people can't stop looking at them, but they also can't wait to shit on them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they hope they fall apart. | ||
| They fucking hope, but they can't stop looking. | ||
| So it's like, they're flaunting what they got, but every second they do something wrong, Kylie takes a jet from here to here, how dare you, you're a climate killer! | ||
| I was reading an article about all the celebrities that are eco-conscious, that are all flying private jets, but they were detailing the short jets, the short Three minutes! | ||
| But here's my favorite one. | ||
| They were talking about Mark Wahlberg, that Mark Wahlberg flew his private jet from LA to Van Nuys, and he could have taken a bus. | ||
| That's what they said. | ||
| Oh, like, yeah, let me get Mark Wahlberg on a bus. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You just show. | ||
| He could just be on a bus and he could just wear sandals and he could just give all his money to Africa. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| And I think it's to your point. | ||
| There's a fucking resentment of it, but you're so drawn to it. | ||
| There's an attention thing. | ||
| You can't look away from it. | ||
| And then I thought of Jay Leno. | ||
| And that's what I was telling you earlier. | ||
| Yeah, we were talking about this earlier. | ||
| And I think something happens where, like, Jay loves cars. | ||
| He has his fucking garage full of cars. | ||
| No, no, he's got 11 garages full of cars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
11? | |
| 11 warehouses. | ||
| I went to it. | ||
| Wait, did you do the show? | ||
| I was on the show. | ||
| Yeah, I was on the show, my 65 Corvette. | ||
| Yeah, see if you can find the video. | ||
| Yeah, I have a 65 Corvette that's a Restomod. | ||
| It's a fucking beautiful car. | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you seen that one? | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Was it in the studio in LA? Maybe. | ||
| That's my car. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| And Jay Leno's the only person besides me that's ever driven that thing. | ||
| I mean, since I bought it, rather. | ||
| I've had it for like five or six years, I think. | ||
| Probably a little more than that now. | ||
| I've been out here for two. | ||
| So me and Jay were hanging out in this in this video here. | ||
| We're hanging out in one of his garages. | ||
| One of his warehouses. | ||
| He had 11 look how I dress a fucking slob I am. | ||
| He's wearing jeans. | ||
| Yeah me too. | ||
| But on top too. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| He's wearing a jean shirt. | ||
| That's what they call Canadian tuxedo. | ||
| But his passion for cars is 100% organic. | ||
| Look at that fucking car. | ||
| I mean, it's beautiful. | ||
| That's America right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's beautiful. | |
| Look at that fucking thing! | ||
|
unidentified
|
God! | |
| I was looking at that today in the garage. | ||
| I just walked around my garage and stared at it. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's America. | ||
| 1965, son. | ||
| Here's what it is. | ||
| You care about it. | ||
| He fucking, he cares about the car. | ||
| Like he knows the things about the car. | ||
| And when there's passion attached to something, I think that you stop judgment because he's not doing it so that other people look at it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's doing it because he loves the fucking car. | ||
| Well, he is fascinated by automobiles and he loves them so much that it comes through. | ||
| And one of the things that I said to him, I said, you are so good at hosting this show. | ||
| I go, this is like, you feel so much more natural than when you were doing Tonight Show. | ||
| And he was like, oh, yeah. | ||
| He goes, this is the real me. | ||
| It's like, The Tonight Show is like, I'm talking to people sometimes. | ||
| I don't care about their fucking show. | ||
| You don't care about Keira Knightley's movie. | ||
| I don't care about this movie. | ||
| And not only that, he didn't get to pick. | ||
| Who was on? | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the thing between podcasts and late night. | |
| Late night, they bring you. | ||
| Oh, you're going to have this person and that person and then there's this band. | ||
| You've got to do your best talking to these people. | ||
| To be interested in a boring actress or actor. | ||
| I was looking at Nikki Glaser's Instagram when she was talking about sitting down with Seth Meyers. | ||
| She was like, I had a great fun time for seven minutes with Seth Meyers. | ||
| I was like, Seven minutes. | ||
| So you flew to fucking New York. | ||
| For seven minutes. | ||
| On this stupid thing that... | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Not that it's a stupid thing, but it's like... | ||
| It's not as good. | ||
| It's not as good. | ||
| It's like no one's going to get to know you in seven minutes. | ||
| You'll have a fun story and people go, Oh, I like her. | ||
| And maybe a few more people will go see you at a comedy club. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But the reality is, it's like a shit way to... | ||
| To have a conversation. | ||
| And that's what Jay was doing for the longest time. | ||
| And now what Jay's doing is he has people on and he hangs out with them all day. | ||
| Me and him were together for hours. | ||
| So even after you're filming, are you still looking at the cars? | ||
| Oh yeah! | ||
| He took me on a tour. | ||
| It's 100% real. | ||
| When there was no one around, he's showing me this fucking jet engine Oh, the Rolls Royce that has the jet engine, and he's got one that has a steam engine, and he has one that's like a tractor, but it had metal wheels that it rolls around on metal wheels, and he actually had to put rubber over the metal so he could take it on the street, because he drives all of them on the street. | ||
| He's got these cars that are worth a million dollars, and he just drives them around, waving to people and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's real. | ||
| And when you watch it, that translates. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's what translates. | ||
| Authenticity. | ||
| And that's for the first time in his career, Jay Leno exudes authenticity. | ||
| You're like, oh, you're a star. | ||
| Well, the people didn't like him before because he didn't seem authentic. | ||
| Because he wasn't being authentic. | ||
| And now they love him. | ||
| That show gets no criticism. | ||
| Jay Leno's Garage is a fucking excellent show. | ||
| No one has ever said, this is too much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| No one has ever said, oh, you could be donating this money somewhere else. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because it's like, you're taking away the thing he loves the most. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You don't want to take love away from... | ||
| It doesn't hurt anybody that has these fucking cars. | ||
| And clearly, he's not wasting the money on clothes or something stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, exactly. | |
| He fucking wears the same thing every episode! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks ridiculous! | |
| I know, but that's how he dresses. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck about what he looks like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He doesn't give a fuck. | |
| He cares about what those cars look like. | ||
| He loves those cars. | ||
| He cares about their clean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he even has, isn't there a way to run them? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Because some of these are so old, you have to run them frequently, right? | ||
| Oh, no, he has a full staff that takes care of them. | ||
| A full staff of mechanics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| There's a bunch of people. | ||
| He's got fabricators. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what that means? | ||
| People that make fenders and shit. | ||
| He's got big sheet metal machines. | ||
| Oh, they're replacing Yeah, they can make stuff because a lot of these things are so old. | ||
| They don't even have the parts for them anymore. | ||
| So he has fabricators that'll make him new fenders. | ||
| So isn't that cool? | ||
| Like you see somebody who Okay. | ||
| I'll bring this to Italy a little bit. | ||
| When I was in Italy on my honeymoon, I went to Amalfi, and it was amazing. | ||
| And then I went to the Isle of Capri, right? | ||
| Which was naturally beautiful. | ||
| It's called Capri. | ||
| Capri, sorry. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Capri's a son. | ||
| Capri's a son. | ||
| It's like a drink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The best drink. | ||
| So we're on this island, and it's like, I'm there, and I realize... | ||
| It feels like everyone there wants people to know they're there and wants people to look at them and look how big my yacht is and look I'm gonna buy this thing from this store I'm gonna buy that and when I was on Amalfi it felt like people were there to enjoy the most beautiful coastline That could exist. | ||
| And there was this immediate, I don't know, it's stupid to call it disgust, but there was immediate change in energy when we went for this other place. | ||
| And there was probably equally wealthy people staying at this other place. | ||
| But they were the type of people who aren't like, hey, look how wealthy I am. | ||
| They were the type of people like, Oh, this is beautiful. | ||
| Oh, this restaurant over here is absolutely gorgeous, and I think you really like this experience. | ||
| And there was something fucking gross about seeing stupid Tommy Hilfiger's yacht with the big fucking flag. | ||
| You need them to know it's your yacht. | ||
| It can't just be a yacht, Tommy. | ||
| You need them to know that it's the Hilfiger yacht. | ||
| It's just like, I don't know, for that right there... | ||
| It's a guy who loves a thing that he's doing. | ||
| And there are people who probably collect toys that love what they're fucking doing. | ||
| And I like seeing it. | ||
| And it makes me fucking happy when I see it. | ||
| And I don't care how much money you spend on it. | ||
| And I'm not even going to call it waste because it's giving you fucking joy. | ||
| When I see the fucking Saudis ship all their cars to drive them around in London and it's a fucking orange Lamborghini. | ||
| If my daughter fucks a guy who drives an orange car, I'll fucking kill myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| I literally mean that. | ||
| Like, what is the point of it? | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's all just, hey, look at all... | ||
| And we have a little bit of that in us, don't get me wrong. | ||
| I like attention. | ||
| I do stand-up comedy. | ||
| But when you see something that a guy's obsessed with... | ||
| Yeah, but you like attention for your work. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| You like attention for the things that you create. | ||
| The dance that you do on stage. | ||
| The art that you create, the comedy, the way it gets into people's minds and enhances their experience and enhances their day, and they leave talking about that joke or this joke. | ||
| Remember when that happened and the Pakistani guy? | ||
| It's like you make people feel good. | ||
| It makes people feel better. | ||
| That's a different thing than like, look at what a baller I am. | ||
| That's like the lowest rung of wanting attention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like you're associating yourself with something that has this value. | ||
| And I'm fucking guilty of it, for sure. | ||
| But, like, the real things that I admire and the people that I admire are doing the thing that they fucking love to do. | ||
| There's, like, an artsiness in it. | ||
| And I love it, dude. | ||
| And, like, I don't know. | ||
| And we were thinking about this, like, and I wonder if it's something, like, coming up in New York. | ||
| I didn't even realize this, but, like... | ||
| New York is a finance city. | ||
| We know it's finance and there's a lot of... | ||
| But there's something artsy about it. | ||
| Like, even in elementary school, they're taking us to these fucking museums. | ||
| And we're walking around like, the fuck is all this dumb shit? | ||
| But, like, they're indoctrinating us at a young age. | ||
| Like, hey, art is cool. | ||
| There's different types of art. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you should enjoy this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And there's something about, like, the people that get popular in New York. | ||
| Even women in New York think, like, finance bros are douchey. | ||
| Now, they're still going to marry him. | ||
| But there's a moment where they're like, oh, he's a finance bro. | ||
| There's a coolness factor. | ||
| If you're good at your art, it could be painting, it could be whatever the breakdancing, it could be whatever it is. | ||
| You're elevated. | ||
| And I think growing up with that, seeing people who are great at what they did. | ||
| My favorite comedian growing up wasn't the most famous. | ||
| Patrice wasn't the most famous, but he was the best. | ||
| And I fucking admired it. | ||
| And I was like, that's the best. | ||
| That's the best I've ever seen. | ||
| And yeah, that is what I'm always kind of inspired to do and create. | ||
| And I still want to provide for my family, but like, if it's not... | ||
| You want to do great art. | ||
| That's it, man. | ||
| And it sounds weird, like, Columbia's art. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| It's a thing you create. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not afraid of that word, art. | ||
| It's like I'm not afraid of the word love. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of people who are afraid of certain words because they can have a douchey connotation to them. | ||
| But I think art is, it could be painting, it could be like, I love art, obviously. | ||
| If you go around my studio, it's filled with art. | ||
| There's this artwork everywhere, all over this place. | ||
| It's artwork. | ||
| I'm fascinated by people's artwork. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I think it's like the greatest thing that humans create, other than other humans, is these things where they express themselves through their work, whether it's a book or a song or furniture. | ||
| You make stuff. | ||
| I love engineering. | ||
| That's what I love about cars. | ||
| I love the way they look. | ||
| But I love that someone created it. | ||
| It's a thing made from a person's mind. | ||
| We were talking about custom cars, why I love cars like that, Corvette. | ||
| I love that someone made that. | ||
| I love this fucking clock. | ||
| This clock, someone made this. | ||
| I love this chimpanzee skull that's made out of symbols. | ||
| Brass, like, Zildjian symbols. | ||
| It's got, like, the logo on the back. | ||
| Oh, like, drum symbols? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, look right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| See, it says Zildjian? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, this dude cut this up. | ||
| Shane Against the Machine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On Instagram, he's the fucking shit. | ||
| I've got a few pieces of his. | ||
| I have, um... | ||
| Where's our army helmet? | ||
| Is that in storage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Probably. | ||
| We brought it back from LA. But on the other old desk, we had a World War II army helmet with a bayonet that he turned into a lamp. | ||
| That's not mine exactly, but it's pretty similar. | ||
| But those are real helmets that they found in France in a battlefield. | ||
| Apparently there's an area in France where you could find these things. | ||
| They're all over the place. | ||
| They're just still there. | ||
| Yeah, because these people just died and they left them there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So many fucking people died during World War II. No one cleans up after war. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Not in those spots. | ||
| There's a place in France that's as big as Paris that you can't go to because it's so toxic from all the bombs and the spent munitions. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Find that spot. | ||
| There's an area that is the size of Paris in France. | ||
| It's uninhabitable just because of the war. | ||
| World War I or II? World War II. Okay. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Pretty shorts, too. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| But still, yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's an enormous chunk of land. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| The red zone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Zone rouge. | |
| Zone rouge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a non-contagious area, non-contiguous area throughout northeastern France. | ||
| The French government isolated after World War I. First World War. | ||
| That's the trench, yeah. | ||
| square kilometers was deemed too physically and environmentally damaged by conflict for human habitation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Rather than attempt to immediately clean up this former battlefield, the land was allowed to return to nature. | ||
| Restrictions within the zone rouge still exist today, although the control areas have been greatly reduced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, just fucking devastated by bombs and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so this dude, Shane Against the Machine, go to his Instagram page so you can see some of his work. | ||
| He went there to get... | ||
| He does a lot of dope shit with metal. | ||
| He's an artist. | ||
| I have this really cool skull at home. | ||
| Look at this cool hummingbird he made. | ||
| Look how badass that is. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| I mean, his work is fucking incredible. | ||
| Just really dope shit that this guy does. | ||
| So I think that we have like a natural attraction to purity in art. | ||
| Yeah, to things people create, man. | ||
| Yeah, and I think that you can tell the difference. | ||
| Like, I think... | ||
| For example, McDonald's is an amazing business, and they've made this incredible workflow and completely top-down integration. | ||
| It's basically a land-owning company. | ||
| To make this business was unbelievable. | ||
| That being said, the quality of the food, which is consistent, which is important, is great, but you're not going, wow, man, that was the best meal I've ever had. | ||
| But then sometimes you have meals, and you're like... | ||
| You fucking love this so much. | ||
| Like, I think partially that's why we're drawn to sushi, is you see how delicate they're putting together these, like a piece of nigiri, right? | ||
| And there's like a single flake of a thing. | ||
| And you're like, I think a little part of me is just going... | ||
| You love this, bro. | ||
| You fucking love this. | ||
| Yeah, you're shaving truffles onto that thing and adding caviar to the top and salmon roe. | ||
| It's nice to see somebody passionate about it. | ||
| And that's the Italian thing also. | ||
| I think it's like... | ||
| I don't know, just culturally, and I wonder if we get there too, but like, this culture has existed for, Italy's young, right? | ||
| Italy's, what, 1947 is when we get Italy? | ||
| What? | ||
| Italy, the country, is post-World War II, right? | ||
| It's this Italian Republic or whatever it is? | ||
| What was it before then? | ||
| 1847, it was a monarchy, I think, and then before 1847- Oh, so as a government, but when was it named Italy? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You can look that up. | ||
| I feel it. | ||
| I think 1847, it was like the papal estates or something like that. | ||
| And I think for like a thousand years, it existed under that jurisdiction. | ||
| And then 1947, I think we have modern, right? | ||
| So Italy, as we know, it is younger than America. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But culturally, they're thousands of years old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The food, the interaction, just the way of life. | ||
| We stayed in Rovello. | ||
| Ravello's fucking amazing. | ||
| I'm a big fan of Gore Vidal, and Gore Vidal used to live in Ravello. | ||
| That's where he did a lot of his writing. | ||
| He lived in Ravello, had this house just overlooked off a cliff, overlooked the bay, and did some of his great writing there. | ||
| Did you read Gore Vidal's thing on Venice? | ||
| He wrote a book about Venice? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Yeah, he's interesting. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| Oh, he was amazing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Anyway, this church across from where we're staying is over a thousand years old. | ||
| It's the one in Ravella or the one in Amalfi? | ||
| The one in Ravella. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then underneath the church is a church so old, they don't even know who made it. | ||
| They don't know how old it is. | ||
| And there's a glass floor, and you could look down into this older church. | ||
| So they built this new church that's a fucking thousand years old on top of an old church. | ||
| So that's from my Instagram page. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The church in Rovell is a thousand years old and sits on top of the ruins of a far older church. | ||
| It's a glass floor. | ||
| You could look down at the old one. | ||
| The people that work there say they have no idea how old the original ruins are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was dope as fuck, dude. | ||
| But you could just walk around and look down. | ||
| And see thousands of years of human history. | ||
| This is like, how many fucking generations of humans? | ||
| And there's these paintings on the wall. | ||
| And one of them was a painting of what they thought was a whale. | ||
| But... | ||
| But they didn't know what a whale looked like. | ||
| So they had this image of a whale. | ||
| It's in that group of photos, I think. | ||
| Around the same time, Jamie, I took a... | ||
| It's like in that same time. | ||
| I found it off Google. | ||
| So this is 204 weeks ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I found it off Google. | |
| I couldn't get back to it that way. | ||
| But there was a photo of a fucking whale. | ||
| And it's the weirdest looking thing. | ||
| It looks like a fish with a human face. | ||
| It's so strange looking. | ||
| But it's like these people had this... | ||
| Version of the world. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That was, look at that. | ||
| I mean, what the fuck is that? | ||
| It's got feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wild, right? | ||
| Swallowing a human. | ||
| I'm just hanging out here and the fucking whale's eating me. | ||
| It's like Ari Shafir. | ||
| It looks like Ari. | ||
| It does look like Ari! | ||
| Ari getting eaten by a whale. | ||
| But yeah, I don't know. | ||
| You can just walk by something that's a thousand years old there, and it's just out in the open. | ||
| Okay, so why is that so compelling? | ||
| Well, because it's history. | ||
| I mean, it's also, it's a window into the... | ||
| Humanity, right? | ||
| Yeah, what happens to humanity over time. | ||
| Like, one of my favorite things was the Coliseum. | ||
| Because you walk around there and you're like, how fucking wild were these people? | ||
| They used to fill that place up with water and have boat fights. | ||
| They would stab each other from boats and everybody would go, ho ho ho, more wine, let me fuck kids. | ||
| And they were? | ||
| They were fucking kids, yeah. | ||
| They were fucking everybody back then. | ||
| Everybody, like there's that brothel in Pompeii. | ||
| It's like preserved. | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| I went to Pompeii. | ||
| I don't remember the brothel, though. | ||
| So they, you know, all the things that everyday life are preserved. | ||
| And I think Pompeii was kind of like, I think, what do you say? | ||
| I think Giannis said it was like the Hamptons for people in Rome. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| So it was like their getaway. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they have pictures on the wall of the brothel. | ||
| You can probably get it up. | ||
| Of the sex acts that you can do. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And it was gnarly shit, bro. | ||
| Like, fucked up shit, right? | ||
| Let me see some pictures here. | ||
| Also, big pasty broads. | ||
| What do you got there, Jamie? | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's a girl with a strap on banging a dude in the ass. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| She's got a tail or something. | ||
| What is it in her hand? | ||
| A whip. | ||
| Is that a whip? | ||
| I have no clue what's going on. | ||
| A mustache? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What is that? | ||
| Yeah, it's people banging people. | ||
| Is that two dudes? | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| I think that's a girl on top. | ||
| She's just thick. | ||
| Yeah, look, he's got his cock out. | ||
| She's about to get on board. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wild. | |
| He's eating box, dude. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
| That's, wow. | ||
| I wonder when they first ate pussy. | ||
| I mean, look at that. | ||
| A dude's banging a dude who's banging a girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| They get wild back then. | ||
| Dude's banged, and that's something you could order. | ||
| Some people say these were the menus, because not everybody could read. | ||
| Oh, the menu. | ||
| So you put the picture up, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, give me that. | ||
| I would like a double-double. | ||
| Yeah, give me one on the butt and two on the top and suck my cock. | ||
| Okay, so here's... | ||
| So what if... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Crazy. | ||
| Is this the example of... | ||
| And I don't want this to get too weird, but like... | ||
| Technology has increased over time, obviously. | ||
| Now we have phones and that kind of stuff. | ||
| But like, what we indulge in, in our acceptance, we might get to the end of it, and then we restart. | ||
| So we don't have cell phones yet, but they might have got to the point where it's like, yo, dude, fuck another dude, that girl's eating a goat's pussy, and then whatever it is, and that's just on the menu. | ||
| And then eventually, I think humans go, Alright, buddy. | ||
| This is getting too far. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And I wonder if that was, like, Catholicism coming in. | ||
| I wonder if the Catholicism was just like, alright, it's enough. | ||
| You're fucking animals. | ||
| Everybody's fucking a little kid. | ||
| Like, we need some sort of sweeping control and some rules... | ||
| Now here's where it gets fucked up. | ||
| Stop the boy fucking. | ||
| You're fucking too many kids. | ||
| Everybody's fucking kids. | ||
| Like every painter has a little kid that they're fucking. | ||
| Michael Stavros had a funny joke that Stavros Hulk is. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| He goes, they always talk about canceling R. Kelly. | ||
| Like, we haven't canceled Pythagoras. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We could separate the art from the artist there, you know, and they were all fucking little kids. | ||
| Or Socrates. | ||
| Socrates. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| Fucking little kids, right? | ||
| So what if Catholicism comes in and actually regulates and is the stop fucking kids religion and then fast forward 2,000 years... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they're just known for fucking the kids. | |
| But the way they fuck the kids is a little bit more... | ||
| We fuck them, but it's old school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| We don't talk about it. | ||
| It's not on the menu. | ||
| We occasionally fuck kids. | ||
| We just don't do it all day long like everybody else, you fucking animals. | ||
| And if we find out someone's fucking kids, we'll move them somewhere else. | ||
| Yeah, we'll take them to some place where... | ||
| Keep letting them fuck kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what if that's what happens? | ||
| What if no matter how progressive you are, eventually over time you become the bigot, Because that's just how society works. | ||
| Like, the hippies of the 60s probably right now are going, what do you mean people are chopping off their dicks? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
But they were the hippies! | |
| Right. | ||
| And I wonder if, like, that is... | ||
| That's what I really get excited by when I'm in, like, Rome and I'm seeing... | ||
| You get to see, like, history in front of you. | ||
| You're having dinner in front of the fucking pantheon. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, and it's just... | ||
| Well, I think people are always looking for... | ||
| to resolve conflicts. | ||
| And they're looking to improve their life. | ||
| And they're looking to improve society. | ||
| And when you do that over the course of time, and then you take into account, like, surplus and luxury and, you know, time, and you don't have to worry about being eaten by wolves, and you have a lot more money than other people because you live in this castle, and you're a king, and you want everybody to eat your shit in front of you. | ||
| Nobody's telling you what to do. | ||
| You start to indulge in whatever you want, and if nobody can check that indulgence, it starts to get weird. | ||
| Like, I'm not one of these, like, we gotta get rid of porn. | ||
| Like, fucking porn's great. | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| But, like, how close are we to just dad fucks a daughter? | ||
| And is that too much? | ||
| When does it become too much? | ||
| I've seen porn where a mother and her daughter do porn together with a guy. | ||
| That is just sad. | ||
| It's sad, but it's also like this is what we do as humans. | ||
| We indulge. | ||
| We want the dopamine hit. | ||
| We go further. | ||
| And then I think eventually, societally, there's this sweeping correction. | ||
| I imagine maybe it happened in Egypt. | ||
| I imagine it probably happened in Italy. | ||
| I think these things end up happening. | ||
| And I just wonder how far you go. | ||
| How long that takes before that, you know, before that club comes down. | ||
| One of the things that happens is you get to a point where, and I think this is where society is headed, we get to a point where we recognize that our animal instincts, our human reward systems, our need for ego, our need for control, our need for lust and revenge and all those things, they get in the way of ultimate progress. | ||
| Our ultimate progress is achieving enlightenment. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Evolving and transcending this physical monkey body and becoming a part of like this cosmic awareness. | ||
| So how do we do that? | ||
| Well, we do that by abandoning our genitals. | ||
| We're gonna have to get past our desire to breed using sexual intercourse and people will eventually breed just by some sort of genetic manipulation. | ||
| Oh, you think we'll stop fucking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes, I think that's what the aliens are. | ||
| When you see aliens, they're almost there. | ||
| You never see an alien with a giant dick like, what's up? | ||
| I've never seen an alien. | ||
| Come down here to fuck everybody. | ||
| But aliens, like the archetypal alien that you see. | ||
| What if Lazar said that? | ||
| They all have giant hogs. | ||
| There's an extra piece in the spaceship. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They have three hogs. | ||
| They all have three hogs. | ||
| They fuck three different people at once. | ||
| I think that's when you see the aliens, they have no muscles. | ||
| They have no genitals. | ||
| They have these spindly arms and these giant heads. | ||
| I think that's where we're going. | ||
| Even if aliens aren't real, I think what it represents to us is if you take where we are now and you extrapolate, you go further into the future, You say, well, where is this going to go? | ||
| Well, that's where it's going to go. | ||
| If you go back to like Neanderthal, right? | ||
| They were this hulkish, covered in hair, super muscular, dense, thick bones. | ||
| And then you go to the modern man. | ||
| Modern man, like the average person that works in an office. | ||
| They're fucking, you know, a little potbelly, little tiny arms. | ||
| Michael Cera. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Back hurts all the time. | ||
| This is like where the human body is going, and then it eventually will transcend that to become some sort of hybrid of machine and biology. | ||
| So you subscribe to we're going to be like transhumanoid, I think is the term. | ||
| Yes, transhumanists. | ||
| And some people say we already are with our phone. | ||
| Yeah, we already are. | ||
| We're already some sort of a cyborg. | ||
| We definitely are. | ||
| And this becoming attached to carrying a device around will open the door to it becoming a part of your body. | ||
| What is the argument against that? | ||
| What do people say that push back against that? | ||
| Outside of the religious argument. | ||
| I think the fucking... | ||
| If you go back in time to ancient man, they would say, I prefer to hang out in trees and throw shit at each other. | ||
| I don't want a car. | ||
| What are you, an asshole? | ||
| You could die in a car accident. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, I mean, it's like change is inevitable and progress is inevitable and innovation seems to be an inherent part of what it means to be a human being. | ||
| It's like how you and I are interested in art. | ||
| Well, art is creation. | ||
| Innovation is also creation. | ||
| Innovation is art. | ||
| Like, this phone is art. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| I mean, it might have been made by slaves, and it was for sure. | ||
| If it's good. | ||
| But this thing is the designers. | ||
| It's horrible, like, who had to put it together in a fucking awful factory in China. | ||
| But the design of this is so pleasing to the eyes. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| So it's a piece of art. | ||
| I mean, it's mass-produced and everything, and it's just... | ||
| But this is a piece of art. | ||
| This iPhone is a piece of fucking art. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| If you saw this 20 years ago, you'd be like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| And if you could watch videos on it, you'd be like... | ||
| If you just saw, I mean, we don't think of ourselves as being much different than people who, like, you know, today it's 2022. If you could go back to just 2002, there was nothing like that. | ||
| I had a phone in 2002. 2002 was when Fear Factor was around. | ||
| I had a little tiny flip phone. | ||
| Yeah, the Razor. | ||
| Yeah, I had one of those. | ||
| You know that photo that I have of that prostitute that has her tit out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You know that photo that was in the bathroom of the old studio? | ||
| No, bring that up. | ||
| I was at Fear Factor. | ||
| It was downtown LA. And I was in downtown LA, and we were filming, and this lady walks by, and I'm standing out there with my phone. | ||
| I don't know if I was making a phone call or what, but she had a meatball sandwich in her hand. | ||
| And she pulls out her tit. | ||
| She goes, you want some of this? | ||
| Like this. | ||
| And I just hold my camera up, and I took a photo. | ||
| And it's such a perfect photo. | ||
| That's the photo. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Dude, that looks like we posed. | ||
| But it looks like we worked this out, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That lady just walked by. | ||
| Look, that's a production truck behind her, a tractor trailer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| And I just took a photo of her with a flip phone. | ||
| I mean, this had to be 2003 or something like that. | ||
| Fire. | ||
| Fire. | ||
| And I've had that photo forever, and then we got it blown up, and now it's on the wall. | ||
| But that was like a phone from 2003. That was as good as it could get, and I was blown away. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| That was like a one megapixel camera. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Are we living... | ||
| In the greatest transformation in history? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever. | |
| More so than printing press? | ||
| More so than telephone? | ||
| By far. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| More so than anything. | ||
| More so than flight? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| More so than anything. | ||
| And the people that lived before printing press and then during? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, I even think that kids right now who are like 19 don't understand what we've experienced. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because we grew up without the internet. | ||
| No internet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Saw internet transform. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Just telephone at home. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, if you didn't have call waiting, it's just a busy... | ||
| Like, kids don't even know what a busy signal is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| That is wild. | ||
| Like, you sent me to voicemail. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You're lucky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| What a joy. | ||
| You can tell me what you wanted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like... | ||
| You know how, like, when you hear about this throughout history, like, the big changes happen, there's, like, great rejection of these changes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think we've handled it pretty fucking well. | ||
| Like, we've embraced this change. | ||
| Well, because these changes provide you so much excitement and so much of a dopamine rush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, it's easy because you're addicted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm. | |
| And it's like, oh, you know, these changes, like we've embraced Adderall. | ||
| It's because we're addicted to it. | ||
| So maybe that's how you get, if that's how you make change, you make sure it benefits the people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like Amazon has changed the way that we consume goods. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And it might be killing the mom and pop shop, but it benefits us so much. | ||
| We're like, I'm not going to complain. | ||
| Is it a union? | ||
| Okay, but no, not a union. | ||
| Is it a, what is it? | ||
| Monopoly. | ||
| Monopoly, but it doesn't matter to me because I get things so conveniently and so cheaply. | ||
| So it's like, if you want to move us in whatever direction, make sure you nurture us. | ||
| Whereas before, during monarchies, it was like, it's going to be this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you've got to fucking deal with it. | ||
| Let them eat cake. | ||
| Let them eat motherfucking cake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know what cake was, by the way? | ||
| It wasn't cake. | ||
| No, it wasn't cake. | ||
| You're talking about the Marie Antoinette quote, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It was like what's left over from making bread, like the little crusts and stuff. | ||
| Oh, so that quote is completely taken out of context. | ||
| Yeah, it's not cake. | ||
| Because the quote was, give them bread. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| But I'm pretty sure that's what that was. | ||
| I'm pretty sure let them eat cake meant the leftover scraps of bread that were left over when you put the batter into the cake tray, the bread tray, and it spilled over into the oven. | ||
| I think that was the cake. | ||
| The remnants of the bread that you could scrape out of the bottom of the pan, that was cake. | ||
| Okay, so it was the scraps. | ||
| Because the way the story's told is like they're like Marie Antoinette is like well if they're starving give them give them bread and then they're like there's no more bread well then give them cake like she was so right she was so like removed from poverty kind of both almost as what I'm reading. | ||
| We'll put it up so we can read it. | ||
| Because it was brioche so there's a difference. | ||
| Yeah, but it's just bread. | ||
| Brioche is bread bro. | ||
| Luxury bread. | ||
| But it's fucking bread. | ||
| It says it was considered luxury food. | ||
| Yeah, but it's still bread. | ||
| But still, imagine being in a bubble. | ||
| Okay, Brioche, bread enriched with butter and eggs, considered a luxury foe. | ||
| The quote was taken to reflect the princess's frivolous disregard for serving peasants or her poor understanding of their plight. | ||
| While the phrase is commonly attributed to Marie Antoinette, there are references to it prior to the French Revolution, meaning it is impossible for the quote to have originated from Antoinette and is unlikely that it was spoken by her. | ||
| But what is when they talk about the scraps? | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Is that accurate? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't know. | |
| Google let them eat cake referred to scraps left over from the making of bread. | ||
| Because I think that's... | ||
| How do we get another ice cube in here? | ||
| We just make a phone call. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, good. | |
| We know a guy? | ||
| Jamie, we know a guy? | ||
| Get some ice cubes. | ||
| You want a little top off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Thank you, sir. | ||
| A little Japanese whiskey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| Someone's trying to get me hammered. | ||
| Hey, bro. | ||
| We're going to have some fun. | ||
| We're talking history now. | ||
| Yeah, we always have fun. | ||
| You know the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Another article about the meaning of... | |
| Another one? | ||
| The real story behind Let Them Eat Cake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the same thing as the brioche stuff. | |
| But does it, does, cake doesn't refer, see if you can find that, because I did read an article that said it was a, it was even grosser than let them eat cake. | ||
| It was more disrespectful. | ||
| Cake tastes good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That she was referring to, but apparently if they're saying let them eat cake wasn't even her phrase, that it was an older phrase. | ||
| Versailles was a letdown. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| That's where she said that. | ||
| And that's, I think, where they stormed her and her husband. | ||
| You didn't think it was cool? | ||
| No, it was kitschy and, I don't know, it was just unimpressive. | ||
| What was the most impressive thing in Europe? | ||
| Rome was the most magnificent city. | ||
| And I haven't been to Greece, because I think everything from that period of time called antiquity, I think from that period is probably the most impressive, but being in Rome... | ||
| In America, when we have ancient sites, we kind of block them off a little bit. | ||
| It's not only pay a fee to get in. | ||
| It's more like, we have to protect it. | ||
| This could go wrong. | ||
| Rome is like... | ||
| You walk around on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're literally sitting in front of the Coliseum. | |
| You can touch it if you want. | ||
| There's nothing stopping you from being immersed in this ancient world. | ||
| And to me, that was the most profound feeling I've ever had in a city. | ||
| Paris, to me, is the most overrated city. | ||
| And I... I went there thinking it was going to be awesome. | ||
| The food is insane. | ||
| They get dessert because they use butter and the Italians don't get dessert because it's just olive oil. | ||
| They just don't understand butter. | ||
| Tiramisu. | ||
| Tiramisu kind of sucks, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It's my favorite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's kind of... | |
| I love it. | ||
| I mean, go get like real French dessert, man. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Any of the patisserie stuff, like any of the kind of like baked goods they're incorporating, like the cream and just... | ||
| I'm hungry. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| But the Italians... | ||
| And the Italians stole the shit from the Greeks. | ||
| That's the other thing about when you're in Rome and you're learning about it, you're like, oh, cultural appropriation just happens when shit is hot. | ||
| That expression sucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It sucks, dude. | |
| I don't like it. | ||
| I'm not using it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Humans take the cool shit. | |
| It's just a way for people to control other people and try to say, that's mine. | ||
| Meanwhile, it's not yours. | ||
| It's a whole culture's. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like the idea that only Jamaican people can cook Jamaican food. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Just shut the fuck up. | ||
| And the curries come from India! | ||
| Yeah, and people get mad at folks that fall in love with other cultures and, like, get really interested in whatever the fuck is that they make. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like if someone's making Italian food, but they're actually from Spain, people get angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, there's this guy Rick Bayless. | ||
| He's actually Skip Bayless's brother. | ||
| He's like a renowned chef, right? | ||
| He's a famous Mexican chef, but he's a white guy. | ||
| And people hate on him. | ||
| Because he's got this incredible Mexican restaurant in Chicago. | ||
| But this guy is in love with Mexican cuisine. | ||
| And I've been following his videos for years. | ||
| I mean, he's like a genuine connoisseur of Mexican culture and Mexican food. | ||
| And they hate on him. | ||
| All the fucking woke dorks. | ||
| They get mad. | ||
| Because they don't know. | ||
| This colonizer. | ||
| That's my favorite. | ||
| Did you see that video from Portland where this fucking fat dude is yelling at this woke lady? | ||
| You fucking colonizer! | ||
| Go back where you came from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, I'm Native American! | |
| Where do you want me to go? | ||
| What does this mean? | ||
| Colonizer. | ||
| It's just like stop talking. | ||
| I think there are a few terms you could use nowadays to just stop somebody from talking or stop somebody from maybe profiting on something. | ||
| No, they just want to stop the argument and win. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Debate you. | ||
| They wanted the nuclear option. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| They drop a colonizer on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| You're a Nazi! | ||
| Oh, I didn't mean to colonize. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| She's not a colonizer. | ||
| She was born in 1995. The fuck are you saying? | ||
| The fuck are you saying? | ||
| No one was colonizing in 1995, you fucking asshole. | ||
| That's the thing, man. | ||
| By the way, you're sloppy. | ||
| Yeah, you're sloppy. | ||
| You're sloppy in the way you talk. | ||
| You're sloppy in your arguments. | ||
| You're yelling at her to try to intimidate her. | ||
| You're just gross. | ||
| It was just wokeness in the grossest form possible. | ||
| In a vacuum. | ||
| Untouched wokeness. | ||
| Screaming at some lady while you did some douchey shit in traffic and you want to divert from the fact that you're an asshole by calling her a colonizer. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| You divert from your own actions. | ||
| You could just call somebody something, make them radioactive, then you don't have to discuss anything with them, and then you could just be an asshole. | ||
| Yeah, well that guy's a sloppy dude. | ||
| He's probably sloppy at everything he does. | ||
| Just lazy and sloppy. | ||
| And that's why he's like yelling at her, calling her a colonizer. | ||
| It's just a sloppy way to think. | ||
| It's so embarrassing. | ||
| I bet that guy sucks at everything he does. | ||
| I bet he sucks at eating pussy. | ||
| I bet he can't play baseball. | ||
| I bet he sucks at chess. | ||
| I bet he just sucks. | ||
| There's no way that guy's really good at anything. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, this is why we still do comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is your Larry David moment, is that you still are affected by the world, and we need to talk about it, and we are irked, and we're pushed. | |
| Well, it's interesting because we have foes now, and wokeness is a foe of comedy. | ||
| It's diametrically opposed to comedy, and it's absolutely killed comedy movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comedy movies are fucking dead and buried, unfortunately. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's hard to make a good comedy movie today, kids. | ||
| It's fucking hard. | ||
| You might be able to make one and then put it out yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then make some money on it. | ||
| Yeah, you could do that. | ||
| I think that. | ||
| Like Shane Gillis style. | ||
| Yo, Shane's sketch series was absolutely phenomenal. | ||
| Oh, I want to show you this one that hasn't been released yet. | ||
| This is from season two? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| This new one that hasn't been released yet. | ||
| I think season two he's going to put out. | ||
| Gillian Keeves is the series. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So I think that it's going to come out soon. | ||
| I don't know about Seasons. | ||
| There's no Seasons. | ||
| They don't have a network. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| They're trapped in the old paradigm. | ||
| But the point is, he's got one that he sent me. | ||
| It's like a new edit of this Trump one. | ||
| Can we watch it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Should I text him and ask him if we can watch it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| We can't. | ||
| We can't. | ||
| It's not done yet. | ||
| He's still editing it. | ||
| When it comes out, we'll show it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's so goddamn funny. | ||
| He's great, man. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| He's really great. | ||
| It's about Trump. | ||
| It's about Trump and Hitler. | ||
| That's all I'm going to say. | ||
| It's so funny, man. | ||
| Like, I was watching it, and I was like, crying, laughing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, oh, my God. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, he's got... | |
| But you could never... | ||
| My point is, like, what he's doing, you could never do if you had to run it by someone who was, like, a production company for a movie in 2022. They would never let you. | ||
| But this is the good thing about the internet right now, and this is, like, why you gotta take advantage of it, is that because there's a void, there isn't a void in interest. | ||
| Human beings still want it. | ||
| They still love hilarious shit. | ||
| They know it's just fun. | ||
| I put out a comedy special on a fucking website. | ||
| Nobody knows what the fuck it is. | ||
| People are like mirroring it from their laptops. | ||
| Hundreds of thousands of people are watching it. | ||
| That shouldn't happen if the streamers are doing their job. | ||
| If you're doing your job and putting out great content that's easy for people to access... | ||
| I shouldn't be able to sell a single fucking one. | ||
| Well, I don't know if that's true. | ||
| I don't think that's true. | ||
| I don't think that's true. | ||
| Here's why I don't think that's true. | ||
| Because you've already established that you're very funny. | ||
| And that's the only way they can get your comment. | ||
| On YouTube, on Instagram. | ||
| Yeah, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's like, the fact that the streamers didn't, it's not that they didn't do their job. | ||
| They have a fucking billion hours of content. | ||
| And they can't get people to watch it. | ||
| No, they can. | ||
| They can't, Joe. | ||
| Lots of people watch Ricky Gervais' special. | ||
| Lots of people watch Chappelle's special. | ||
| Ricky Gervais is a grandfathered-in, bonafide superstar. | ||
| What about the new people? | ||
| Christina Pazitsky's special killed it. | ||
| Christina murdered it. | ||
| She did. | ||
| Murdered it. | ||
| But Christina also has her own platform where she can generate interest. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But you do too. | ||
| I've done Netflix and I've done YouTube. | ||
| Anybody who's done Netflix and YouTube knows the difference in terms of what they give you. | ||
| And you can talk to any comic who's been on this show or you can talk to them off of the show and ask them. | ||
| What do you mean in terms of what they give you? | ||
| Your career. | ||
| How you access the people. | ||
| We know hilarious comics who have stuff on YouTube, not YouTube, on Netflix that nobody's seen. | ||
| Nobody's seen. | ||
| Literally, they can't get people to see it. | ||
| So it's like, that is a problem. | ||
| That is a big problem. | ||
| And the algorithm there is just not as good as the YouTube algorithm. | ||
| No, YouTube algorithm is the best. | ||
| Nothing beats it. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| So it's like, they know what you want. | ||
| They have so much fucking data. | ||
| YouTube is Google. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The two biggest search engines in the world are the same. | ||
| YouTube's second, Google's first. | ||
| They're both working together to give you the exact things that you want. | ||
| But what you did is put some stuff on YouTube and then use that, the fame that you got from that, and then transfer it to this new thing, and then that new thing, which is just your website, it takes off. | ||
| And it becomes hugely successful that you're just releasing your own thing, your own way. | ||
| With help from my friends like you, obviously, and other people that want to push this and want to make this happen. | ||
| That's huge. | ||
| That's an amazing thing about today is that we're all in this together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're publicists. | |
| We're all publicists, bro. | ||
| And we have an organic network. | ||
| And when Shane puts something out, I go, Shane, give me the clip. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People need to see this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And we do that for one another. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because we fucking... | ||
| We're like little art bitches. | ||
| That's what we are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We love fucking good art. | ||
| And we want to put it out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we want to showcase it. | ||
| We want to give people platforms. | ||
| And that's... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's an exciting thing. | ||
| And you don't probably give yourself enough credit. | ||
| But like, I think your benevolence has made other people go, this is what you have to do. | ||
| And I say that every single time I talk to you. | ||
| But it's important that you know these things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That... | |
| Comedy and entertainment in general was a very selfish endeavor. | ||
| People are fighting for scraps. | ||
| They were fighting for cake, right? | ||
| It's like, I need this role, how can I beat out this person? | ||
| And you started something that made people go, oh shit, wait, you can be more successful if you help out the other guy that's successful? | ||
| Well, you just can't think of it like, once you have enough, you have enough. | ||
| Nobody in entertainment thinks like that. | ||
| Who goes, I have enough? | ||
| MGM goes, I have enough. | ||
| It's foolish. | ||
| It's foolish. | ||
| Weinstein didn't think he had enough pussy? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's a different thing, right? | ||
| He's so gross. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's fucking disgusting. | |
| He couldn't believe he was banging those girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's disgusting. | |
| He probably couldn't believe it worked. | ||
| Every time he got a starlet to suck his dick. | ||
| He's like, this is crazy. | ||
| And he had a horrible dick. | ||
| Do you know his dick, he had a disease where his dick was like half rotted off? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, one of the women who had sex with him, when she saw his dick, she thought he was trans. | ||
| She thought something was wrong with it. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's got a disease where his dick is like rotting off. | ||
| So God was stepping in. | ||
| God was just like, hey, if we get rid of it, if we chop it off, he can't keep doing it. | ||
| Oh my God, imagine if that's what... | ||
| God, the creators... | ||
| Whatever, maybe it's just his own horrible conscience. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe that too, but maybe that's built into the design. | |
| The one thing, if a guy is thinking with his dick, the worst thing that could happen is his dick rotting off. | ||
| Then he can't do the bad thing. | ||
| Just chunks of it falling off. | ||
| No, it's a crazy disease, bro. | ||
| You've got to see this disease. | ||
| Google Harvey Weinstein's dick disease. | ||
| Wait till you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got to do this on his laptop and now he's flagged. | |
| Jamie has Googled art from 2,000 years ago and Harvey Weinstein's rotten cock. | ||
| That's the beauty of this show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the best. | |
| It can go anywhere. | ||
| But yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| So this is Harvey Weinstein's deformed penis explained. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He looks like a deformed dick. | ||
| Just a fucking rotten guy. | ||
| Maybe it's why he was so testy. | ||
| Harvey Weinstein suffers from acute infection. | ||
| An acute infection that contributed to his deformed penis according to a recent report on the convicted rapist. | ||
| A disgraced movie mogul's deformed genitalia is a result of a life-threatening bacterial infection known as Fournier's gangrene. | ||
| He is gangrene. | ||
| Yeah, gangrene in the cock. | ||
| The infection can strike middle-aged men and diabetics. | ||
| Well, he's probably diabetic. | ||
| Weinstein, yeah, 68, is both. | ||
| When bacteria enters through a cut or scratch in the genitals and spreads through the bloodstream, some patients require skin grafts, but more extreme cases, such as Weinstein's, require an operation to remove the testicles! | ||
| There it is. | ||
| The deformity was first revealed in court when actress Jessica Mann, one of Weinstein's accusers, said she felt compassion for Weinstein after she saw his deformed genitalia, which appeared to have scarring as if from burns in his nether region. | ||
| According to writer Phoebe Eaton, whose three-part series on Weinstein featured the current issue of Air Mail, Mann said that her first impression was that Weinstein might be intersex. | ||
| When she saw the deformity. | ||
| Jurors at Weinstein's New York rape trial early this year were shown nude pictures of the disgraced movie mogul, including a full frontal shot showing his deformed penis. | ||
| Among the side effects of the illness is erectile dysfunction. | ||
| So why don't we, like... | ||
| I would love to see it. | ||
| I would absolutely love to see it. | ||
| Go back there. | ||
| Go back there before you do that. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| His assistants were often dispatched to the Secure Caverject, a drug that is directly injected into the penis before intercourse that can cause an erection. | ||
| Yo! | ||
| So here's the crazy thing about him. | ||
| He wasn't even horny, right? | ||
| Because he wasn't getting it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He wasn't like, I'm trying to fuck all the time. | |
| He was so crazy that he was injecting his dick. | ||
| And maybe the injections were what caused the infection in the first place. | ||
| Because he's sticking a needle in his cock. | ||
| Okay, images. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo! | |
| Yo, yo, yo. | ||
| No, keep it up. | ||
| Don't you take that down, you son of a bitch. | ||
| And everybody that's listening to audio only... | ||
| Tune into the video. | ||
| Fournier's gangrene. | ||
| No, he can't show this. | ||
| You just have to look it up yourself. | ||
| But look at these images. | ||
| This is insanity. | ||
| This is fucking repulsive. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, there's just a gaping hole on that one to the right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is horrific. | ||
| And this is what you get when you're out here raping women. | ||
| Simple as that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Hey, listen. | ||
| This is rough. | ||
| Some cultures call it karma. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| I have to pretend this is like a horror movie so I can block this. | ||
| Look at that one with this guy where you see his hip bone. | ||
| Go to that one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| Click on it, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which one? | |
| The one with the hip bone. | ||
| To the right of your cursor. | ||
| You know where it is, motherfucker. | ||
| One more right. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Next one. | ||
| That one. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| Click on that one. | ||
| That's his hip bone, son. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm starting to shake. | |
| That's the hip bone poking through the fucking skin. | ||
| I mean, it looks like he got bit by a shark. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, that is just repulsive. | ||
| This is what happens, bro. | ||
| Pompeii, there were fucking animals and shit. | ||
| Volcano erupts. | ||
| Maybe sometimes there's some justice. | ||
| If there was an island and rich ladies went and Russian boys ate their pussy, would you even be mad at all? | ||
| Like if it wasn't Epstein's Island? | ||
| Let me think. | ||
| Let me think. | ||
| Less mad for sure. | ||
| Less mad for sure. | ||
| If it was like McGillicuddy Island and I'm... | ||
| There's a lady named Karen McGillicuddy, and Karen McGillicuddy, she secured a bunch of these Russian gigolos, these underage boys, most of them like 16, 17, but they had fine working cocks, and they serviced these rich ladies. | ||
| A lot of these rich ladies whose husbands left them money, but the husbands were assholes and they cheated on them and left them billions of dollars. | ||
| So these ladies would skirt off to an island near the Bahamas and these guys would be flown in and they would dress up like sailors and just go down on their pussies. | ||
| We wouldn't feel as bad. | ||
| I wouldn't feel bad at all! | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| The age for it being fucked up to boys is younger. | ||
| At a certain age, you would feel uncomfortable. | ||
| If there were nine-year-old boys on that island, you'd go, these bitches need a die. | ||
| But 16-year-old boys? | ||
| Eh. | ||
| They'll be fine. | ||
| Maybe that's what we need to acknowledge. | ||
| Boy age is just lower. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's fucking different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking different. | ||
| Are they manipulating these boys and making them do something? | ||
| Yes, but for whatever reason, we're less protective. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| We kind of look at a 16-year-old boy as an adult in certain situations. | ||
| If a 16-year-old boy is around his mother and his mother is being disrespected, you're like, You're not a boy. | ||
| You're an adult. | ||
| Go protect your mother. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| I don't put that on a 16-year-old girl. | ||
| The mother should protect that girl. | ||
| And maybe that's like baked in sexism or something. | ||
| Yeah, we look at a younger boy differently. | ||
| Yeah, we look at boys very differently. | ||
| Especially if it's female to male. | ||
| Male to male. | ||
| Different. | ||
| Different. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We look at that boy being objectified by a male because we look at the males being the... | ||
| They're the villains. | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| Because they want to penetrate with their cock. | ||
| Yo, penetration is... | ||
| There's a big difference between someone penetrating you versus you penetrating them. | ||
| Yeah, or licking them. | ||
| Or even sticking your cock inside of them. | ||
| Like, if the woman wants you to stick... | ||
| Like, I had a bit about this. | ||
| It was a bit that I think they made me remove from one of my specials. | ||
| It was a Comedy Central special. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Are they still around? | ||
| They were around when I did this. | ||
| This was the bit was it was almost 10 years ago the bit was that if you see like a high school football coach that gets arrested because he was having sex with girls in the high school you'd be like that fucking piece of shit like that motherfucker needs to go to jail but if you see like some hot teacher in Florida getting taken away in handcuffs because she was banging a bunch of football players the first thing you think is which one of those pussies told his mom? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they didn't want it. | |
| If that was my boy, he was crying on TV. I'd be like, get in the fucking car. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Why'd you tell your mom? | ||
| Listen to me, bro. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| We all knew we wanted to fuck our teachers a little. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Like, that's where it really comes from. | ||
| We knew that there were certain teachers, like the young teachers. | ||
| Like, when I was going to school, they started having, like, assistant teachers that were, like, 20. Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, what are you doing around me? | ||
| You're three years old than me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I'm saying? | |
| You might get it, talking like that to me. | ||
| You totally get it. | ||
| I remember once I went to a bar, and my teacher was at the bar. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And in New York, you have a fake ID. When you're younger, we're going out to bars and clubs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And we were fucking drinking. | |
| With the teacher? | ||
|
unidentified
|
With the teacher. | |
| She was assistant teacher, but I was like, we shouldn't be doing this. | ||
| How old was she? | ||
| Probably 22, maybe. | ||
| And you were like 17, 18? | ||
| And I was 18, I think, in my senior year. | ||
| So what were you thinking? | ||
| What was I thinking, John? | ||
| I was like, I'm trying to get molested. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's make some headlines, baby! | |
| They just arrested a teacher the other day. | ||
| Some hot lady with a fucking one wonky eye. | ||
| It was always like something wrong with them. | ||
| Just slightly off. | ||
| But isn't that like... | ||
| That's like the honest conversation that is hard for people to digest. | ||
| That the rules are... | ||
| They're different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're different. | |
| The problem is that we know the rules are different, so then some lunatic comes on and they stretch the fact that the rules are different and then people start to listen to them because they're making a little bit of sense. | ||
| But if we had just a little bit more wiggle room in things, I don't think I think the extremists even exist. | ||
| The fact that everything's so rigid, only the loudest voices come out. | ||
| If we just listened a little bit more to both sides, any fucking debate, abortion, anything like that, if we just listen a little bit more and we're like, yeah, I kind of get where they're coming from a little bit, you don't get the extreme voices. | ||
| But when nobody's heard, the loudest voices are the only ones that make noise. | ||
| What's also, people dig in their heels and defend their side and never want to look at how other people see things. | ||
| Yeah, because it's so tribal, dude. | ||
| It's like, people like, and this is something even like, like with the special, like I had a lot of like people reaching out asking me to come on their shows. | ||
| And I'm like, like political shows. | ||
| And I'm like, political shows? | ||
| Yeah, and I'm like, I don't want to be mascotted. | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Oh, like right-wing politicians. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's always right-wing. | ||
| It's always right-wing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The left-wing ones won't have anything to do with anybody like us. | |
| They won't call. | ||
| It's crazy because what I said is I would only do one if I had the opposite to balance it. | ||
| And I go, I appreciate the support, but you got to understand, if I do this, I'll be mascotted. | ||
| And then people will make this about a political thing when it's comedy. | ||
| I'm loyal to the jokes. | ||
| My side is comedy. | ||
| Your side is comedy. | ||
| When we're doing stand-up, it's not like we're going to change the world. | ||
| It's what's the funniest thing to say. | ||
| Sometimes it is that teacher fucking... | ||
| The student is funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the funny thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The 16-year-old boy getting some pussy from his teacher? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| That's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Objectively funny. | |
| Why'd you tell your mom? | ||
| High school football coach fucking a 15-year-old girl. | ||
| Not funny. | ||
| Not funny. | ||
| Make you angry. | ||
| Makes you pissed off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| 35-year-old man, 15-year-old girl, violent. | ||
| Fuck that guy. | ||
| We gotta get him out of here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, we gotta get him out of here. | ||
| But 35-year-old woman, hot, big cans. | ||
| How is that dick suck? | ||
| 15-year-old boy, did you come? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did I? Did you come? | |
| Well, then, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck are you crying about? | ||
| Did she suck your dick? | ||
| Was it hard? | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just saying. | |
| Here's the thing. | ||
| I actually think, and this sounds crazy, but I actually think there's a little bit of heroism in those women that do that because they know no 16-year-old boy can satisfy them sexually. | ||
| At 16, I was busting off. | ||
| Yeah, but you could bust off four or five times in a row. | ||
| Once you get that second one in you, you can last a little. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Second nut? | |
| I'm a champion. | ||
| Yeah, you can fucking last a little. | ||
| But here's where you'd get upset if you found out your 15-year-old... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So many women are judging us on our first nuts. | |
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| Listen, back in the day, you had to come quick because a leopard might eat you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why did I learn this excuse at 38? | |
| Babe! | ||
| Babe, there's leopards around! | ||
| It's built in! | ||
| That's true! | ||
| It's built into the human! | ||
| You had to come quick! | ||
| You didn't have no time to be romancing! | ||
| Bro, it's not our fault that... | ||
| No! | ||
| Nature built us this way! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it didn't build women needing to come to get pregnant. | |
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If it built women needing to come to get pregnant, they'd come quick too! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know they taught me that in high school? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, what? | |
| That women have orgasms when men ejaculate inside of them. | ||
| So now you're just busting in chicks? | ||
| In the 1980s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| That's how dumb sex education was in the 1980s. | ||
| Nah, that's crazy. | ||
| They taught us that. | ||
| I know I'm not remembering this wrong, because I remember being in high school, and I think I was like 14 or 15 years old going, I don't think that's right. | ||
| My limited understanding of orgasms have never been around one. | ||
| I'd never made a girl calm. | ||
| I'd never had sex. | ||
| But I kind of understood sex and I'd seen porn and I'd seen like magazines and stuff and I'm like, I don't think that's right. | ||
| I don't think that's right. | ||
| And I remember a buddy of mine was telling me, yeah, a girl can't even come unless you come inside of her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, man, that just seems sus. | |
| This seems very suspect. | ||
| Like, this is like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how you have teenage pregnancy. | |
| But it's just... | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like, if you learn that in school, you're gonna nut in these girls. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, that's the worst thing you could tell a teenager who's feeling insecure and wants to satisfy a girl, and now he's gonna take the ultimate sacrifice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the first time, like, a girl came with me, it was like me going down to my girlfriend when she was like 16 and I was 16. And I was like, well, obviously the fuck... | ||
| I didn't come inside her. | ||
| This is bullshit! | ||
| But I'm like, you sure you came? | ||
| Do you remember those days where you weren't... | ||
| I remember the first time a girl made me orgasm from a blowjob. | ||
| I nutted so hard my ears rang. | ||
| I've never had that since. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like the first hit of heroin. | |
| I've been chasing that monkey ever since. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| Dude, when I was younger, I'm really young, I learned what jerking off was, but I didn't cum yet. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| I would jerk my dick in the shower, stop, I would pee, and then I would put my finger in front of the pee, and then I'd taste my finger to see, I was like, well, is this cum? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I swear to God, I swear to God in my life, I was tasting pee off my finger because I didn't know what an orgasm was. | |
| I didn't know the feeling. | ||
| You don't know the feeling yet, so there's no way to understand it. | ||
| And then I remember the first time I actually did come and I was like, I don't even need to taste that. | ||
| One of the first times that I had sex with my girlfriend in high school, I pulled out and I shot a load in my face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In your own? | |
| In my own face. | ||
| Because I was on top of her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And we were having sex. | ||
| And I pulled out. | ||
| And when I pulled out, I just went... | ||
| It just shot right in my mug. | ||
| Because back then, you would shoot... | ||
| Because I didn't really jerk off back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yup. | |
| You had it packed in. | ||
| So I was shooting like a broken fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yup. | |
| Yup. | ||
| Puerto Ricans playing stickball outside. | ||
| It was just going. | ||
| I hit my face once. | ||
| I hit my face. | ||
| This side. | ||
| A girl was on top, hopped off. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Smacked this side of my face. | ||
| I hit myself right in the face. | ||
| Right in the nose, the mouth. | ||
| It was just like, whoa. | ||
| And you know what, ladies? | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| What's all the hullabaloo about? | ||
| It's also because it was my own. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I still don't want my own. | |
| If it wasn't other guys, that would be a real problem. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| I don't want other guys, but theirs, I mean, we're so like intimate with them, like when we're going down on them, there's no, like the fluids are there. | ||
| Have you seen that video? | ||
| There's a girl, she's on a podcast, and she's talking to this guy about, she's a porn star, she's talking to this guy about how her boyfriend was asleep, and so she wanted to fuck her ex, so she ran down to the gas station. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cap. | |
| Have you seen it? | ||
| Cap. | ||
| I don't believe it's real. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's in Toronto, right? | ||
| I saw, I think, Six Buzz, which is a Toronto Instagram account. | ||
| It's like TMZ for Toronto. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if it's in Toronto or America, but she was saying her ex-boyfriend came inside of her, and then she came home, and then her current boyfriend ate her pussy and was talking about how good her pussy tasted. | ||
| He was eating her ex-boyfriend's cum. | ||
| Cloud chase. | ||
| Cloud chase. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Do you believe that, honestly, a girl would do that? | ||
| I'd like to believe it because it's disgusting. | ||
| Or is it hot? | ||
| Well, it's not hot to me, you fucking weirdo. | ||
| Let me take you to a brothel in Pompeii, bro. | ||
| We'll figure all this out. | ||
| Why are you so judgmental? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Exactly. | ||
| It's like, yo, dude, some people want to eat cum. | ||
| They've been doing this for thousands of years. | ||
| Well, there's got to be a guy out there that does want to have a girl get cream-pied and then eat the cum out of her. | ||
| Those guys are real. | ||
| And he shouldn't even know he likes it. | ||
| How's that? | ||
| Meaning, like, how much other shit do you gotta do before you're like, I wanna eat another guy's cum out of a pussy. | ||
| Like, do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, how do you go through the whole gambit of things? | ||
| I've never had this conversation with a girl. | ||
| She was like, pineapple makes a guy's cum taste better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I go, how many dicks do you have to suck before you figure that out? | |
| I was thinking. | ||
| You like asparagus? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Roast beef. | ||
| Don't like it. | ||
| Pineapples. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Hey! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Funny you mention that. | |
| I'm Hawaiian. | ||
| Blueberries. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Blueberries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, imagine... | |
| Funny you mention that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm Hawaiian. | |
| Imagine what a cock connoisseur you gotta be to meet a guy and know what fruits or vegetables he's been needing to notice come taste like. | ||
| I taste coconut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo! | |
| I'm fucking crying, bro. | ||
| Imagine! | ||
| Dude, imagine the girl who feels comfortable saying that even. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, that's crazy. | |
| That's crazy, yeah. | ||
| But I think she's just being honest. | ||
| And probably not even realizing how anybody's going to read into it. | ||
| Bro, I was at, there's a, what's the comedy club in Denver? | ||
| I can't believe I'm forgetting about it. | ||
| You did a special there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Comedy Works. | |
| Comedy Works in Denver. | ||
| A girl that works at Comedy Works in Denver told me one time, she's like, I got a douche. | ||
| I'm like, why? | ||
| And then she's like, listen, I eat red meat and drink Dr. Pepper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My pussy don't taste that good. | |
| That sounds perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me decide. | |
| I think you're wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was one of the funniest things I ever heard. | |
| I eat red meat and drink Dr. Pepper. | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| What a hilarious thing to say. | ||
| How many funny people have you run into that have never done comedy? | ||
| So many, right? | ||
| Bro. | ||
| So many really, really funny people that just don't do comedy. | ||
| This is interesting. | ||
| Because like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I love characters, like, in terms of people in general. | ||
| Like, I'm drawn to them. | ||
| Like, the people who are funny without even trying to be, they're just, like, so pure in their humor, you know? | ||
| And the people who make you laugh when they're being serious. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, your favorite people, right? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And they can't translate that to the stage. | ||
| The special ones can. | ||
| Like, Joey Diaz is one of those people who can take it from the street to the stage. | ||
| Do you know Joey had to figure that out, though? | ||
| Yeah, he said that. | ||
| Do you know that when I met Joey he was not good at stand-up? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Joey was the king of the parking lot. | ||
| So killed in the parking lot. | ||
| Oh my god, killed. | ||
| And then what happened on stage that he just, it didn't connect? | ||
| It was contrived. | ||
| Well, Joey was trying to make it in Hollywood, right? | ||
| Like he was trying to get a sitcom, be a movie, you know, and Think he was too concerned about that. | ||
| He was too concerned about like having agents come to see him getting a manager like when you're just Scratching by and you're staying on your friend's couch like Joey was when I first met him It's like a fucking it's so the difference between being able to get an apartment and go to a restaurant and buy a meal and not It's like so delicate. | ||
| There's such a balance that I think that fear held him back. | ||
| And then one day, he just figured it out. | ||
| And it coincided with him getting fat, which is wild, because he gave up on both things. | ||
| He gave up on worrying what he looked like, and he gave up on worrying what people thought about him at the same time. | ||
| He would fart into the microphone and just like it was nothing. | ||
| Hold on, I gotta do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| And then he'd keep talking like it was nothing. | ||
| Like, most people, a guy farting into a microphone, that's not even funny. | ||
| No, you gotta see Joey do it. | ||
| Because it was just, he was like, suka! | ||
| And then he'd go right back to his fucking... | ||
| It wasn't his bit. | ||
| No, it wasn't his bit at all. | ||
| It was Joey being Joey. | ||
| It was Joey being Joey. | ||
| And there's liberation from not wanting the acceptance of the industry. | ||
| I think Patrice even had a story about that. | ||
| He went to Aspen or one of these things and he played the fucking game and he was trying to be the guy and got nothing out of it. | ||
| And he was like, fuck this. | ||
| And that freedom to just be you on stage, that creates the purity and the authenticity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But those people that are hilarious offstage... | |
| You could never translate it? | ||
| I don't know if they can never, but they just haven't. | ||
| They could be done, they just haven't figured out how to do it. | ||
| It's nice that they don't too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just because they're funny, just funny. | ||
| Like Alex Jones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alex is genuinely funny. | |
| Every once in a while, there's a clip that comes up on my YouTube. | ||
| It's Alex is sitting, is it right here or the old studio? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he goes, Joe, here's the thing. | |
| I'm retarded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He goes, I'm kind of retarded. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm kind of retarded. | |
| And I fall out of the chair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| This is my fan part, right? | ||
| He goes, I'm kind of retarded. | ||
| And then you go... | ||
| There's a moment where you try... | ||
| No, no. | ||
| You try to hear him out. | ||
| And then your brain... | ||
| Like something like old in your brain just switches off and go, this is the funniest thing that I've ever heard. | ||
| Do you know that moment is so famous that people use that... | ||
| Him holding his hands up like this, and they attach it in memes. | ||
| Because people know what he said when he had his hands like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he doesn't even need to say the thing. | |
| And it's like, me in physics class, and then having Alex Jones like... | ||
| He was so funny on your fucking show. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, he fucking murdered. | |
| Did they pull your... | ||
| There it is. | ||
| They pulled the first one. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| We got to watch. | ||
| Play it from the beginning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your face? | |
| Hold on. | ||
| We're going to be fine. | ||
| Listen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to be honest with you. | |
| I'm kind of retarded. | ||
| There's a moment and then you can hear you go. | ||
| I'm going to be honest with you. | ||
| I'm kind of retarded. | ||
| In that... | ||
| It's over. | ||
| That dude is so funny! | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's nothing left! | |
| But he's so funny all the time like that. | ||
| We're going to have dinner with him tonight. | ||
| Yes, we are. | ||
| That's going to be wild. | ||
| What are we asking? | ||
| Oh, we're just going to talk, man. | ||
| He'll tell us some shit about the Great Reset. | ||
| Waitress, enjoy your meal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me. | |
| You too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me. | |
| There's so many of those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's so many memes like that. | |
| I'm gathering. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Funny people are funny, bro. | |
| Yeah, funny people are funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And funny is something... | |
| I don't want to like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's this movie. | |
| There's this movie. | ||
| The new Thor movie. | ||
| Did you see the new Thor movie? | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| Is it good? | ||
| It's good. | ||
| I mean, it's really good. | ||
| The director's really brilliant. | ||
| And Chris Hemsworth, who I know you know is a hunk. | ||
| Hunk a man. | ||
| Hunk a man. | ||
| So Chris is a genius. | ||
| I literally think he's a genius at acting. | ||
| I mean that seriously. | ||
| I know it's crazy to look at a buff, handsome guy and be like, he's really good at that. | ||
| He's... | ||
| Both funny and dramatic. | ||
| There's a few people who've done that really well. | ||
| Woody Harrelson can do that really fucking well. | ||
| He can be hysterical. | ||
| Or he can be natural born killers. | ||
| Natural born motherfucking killers. | ||
| Straight drama. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jamie Foxx can do that. | ||
| Jamie Foxx, I think, is the most talented entertainer alive. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| He can do anybody's... | ||
| You see him do Floyd Mayweather? | ||
| Floyd. | ||
| Chappelle. | ||
| Yeah, the Chappelle one's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's... | |
| Insane. | ||
| Sing. | ||
| Play piano. | ||
| They can sing like Ray Charles. | ||
| Play piano. | ||
| Act. | ||
| Do stand-up. | ||
| Do everything. | ||
| He's so... | ||
| You ever met him? | ||
| No. | ||
| Nicest fucking guy. | ||
| He's been really sweet to me. | ||
| He always comments, he reached out, and he's been really fucking awesome. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is he cool? | |
| Like a genuinely great guy. | ||
| And he can bust balls. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| There's a video of him and Kevin Hart going on it on his radio, and yo, Kev can roast. | ||
| I'm talking about in the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you go with Kev, dude is 5'5", grew up in Philly. | |
| He knows how to throw down. | ||
| But Jamie can throw down, too. | ||
| And you think, oh, here's this Hollywood guy who's a thespian and a piano player. | ||
| He can get motherfucking busy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But fucking Chris, there's the actress in the movie, I forget her fucking name, Natalie Portman, who's a brilliantly talented dramatic actress. | ||
| You can't do comedy. | ||
| Because you can't pretend to be funny. | ||
| You can pretend to be sad. | ||
| You can pretend to be happy. | ||
| You can't pretend to be funny. | ||
| She can't hit the funny. | ||
| Chris is mopping the floor with this girl, bro. | ||
| Is she trying to be funny? | ||
| She's trying hard, dude. | ||
| And I appreciate the effort, but... | ||
| It's a timing thing, right? | ||
| I don't know what it is! | ||
| Are you born that way? | ||
| But if someone writes it out for you... | ||
| Doesn't matter. | ||
| But I'm saying if someone writes it out for you, it's a timing thing that you can't get. | ||
| You don't... | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, like the joke is funny, but the way that you're delivering it for whatever reason doesn't work. | ||
| Like, did you ever see Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks? | ||
| No, but I know the stand-up movie, yeah. | ||
| It might as well be Doctor Strange. | ||
| Because you're watching it, and you're like, well, this isn't real. | ||
| Like, why is everybody laughing? | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Like, they're killing, like, Sally Fields is killing. | ||
| And you're like, this is the worst show I've ever heard. | ||
| But, like, if you see the marvelous Mrs. Maisel, you're like, that lady's funny. | ||
| She's fucking funny. | ||
| Like, it works. | ||
| At least season one worked. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's like, I believe that this is this frustrated housewife who gets a couple of drinks in her, and she's fucking hilarious. | ||
| Because there are people like that out there. | ||
| They really do exist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a... | ||
| What was the guy from the fucking Honeymooners? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Ralph Cramden? | ||
| Is that his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah, Jackie Gleason. | ||
| No, Jackie Gleason. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I heard, and I'm sure this is like old Hollywood lore, but like a couple drinks in him and he was the funniest human being on stage. | ||
| Oh, Jackie Gleason was hilarious, but also a great... | ||
| You know, he played Minnesota Fats in The Hustler. | ||
| That's the pool movie. | ||
| The original one that... | ||
| The original one. | ||
| And he wasn't funny at all in that movie. | ||
| Not only that, he was deadpan and dead serious. | ||
| And he was like the top gambler in the world of pool. | ||
| And Paul Newman travels from Oakland, California to New York City to play him. | ||
| And there's no funny in it at all. | ||
| And this is like after the Honeymooners. | ||
| I mean, this fucking guy cut his... | ||
| He made his bones being a comedian. | ||
| To the moon, Alice! | ||
| I mean, he was over the top funny. | ||
| And then he does this fucking movie where he plays this guy with a fucking carnation in his pocket. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Do you like to gamble, Eddie? | ||
| Do you like to gamble money on pool games? | ||
| And he goes, Big John, you think this boy's a hustler? | ||
| And they're setting up a pool game. | ||
| There's no comedy in it at all. | ||
| And by the way, out of all the people that have ever played pool in a movie, he's the only one that can really play. | ||
| There's him right here. | ||
| He can fucking play, man. | ||
| You watch him play, look at the carnation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But when you watch him play, like, Paul Newman couldn't play a fucking lick. | ||
| But he's a stud. | ||
| He was a beautiful man. | ||
| What a fucking stud that guy is, huh? | ||
| But when you watch this movie... | ||
| As a pool player, when I'm watching Jackie Gleason play, that motherfucker 100% could play pool. | ||
| The way he's moving around the table, the way he strokes the ball, that's a guy that's played pool thousands of hours in his life. | ||
| He could run 100 balls in straight pool. | ||
| Now what that means is straight pool is like a dying game. | ||
| Straight pool or straight pool? | ||
| Straight pool. | ||
| Straight pool is a game that's otherwise known as 14-1. | ||
| You don't play colors or solids. | ||
| It's not rotation where you're playing nine ball where you have to run one through nine. | ||
| You could shoot any ball you want, and you leave one ball on the table, you make that ball, you use it to break up the other balls, and you keep running balls. | ||
| And a really elite player can run 100 balls. | ||
| That's like if you're a stand-up, you've been doing stand-up for 10 years, and you could headline clubs. | ||
| He headlines all over the country. | ||
| He's a headliner. | ||
| That's a guy who could run 100 balls. | ||
| That's a rare thing in the world of pool. | ||
| And you're saying that he was... | ||
| He could run a hundred balls. | ||
| That's very rare. | ||
| That's hours. | ||
| Hours of time. | ||
| Thousands of hours. | ||
| And gambling. | ||
| Because he was a gambler. | ||
| So he would play pool with a fucking cigarette in his fingers. | ||
| So he would have a cigarette in his finger while he was holding the cue. | ||
| And then take a hit, put it down on the table. | ||
| They would all be playing and smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Jackie Gleason was a real pool player. | ||
| That was the guy who really lived. | ||
| You know, really gambled, drank, the whole deal. | ||
| You know, remember when, like, Texas Hold'em had this, like, revolution, not revolution, renaissance, if you will. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| It came up, and I think it maybe started with the movie Rounders. | ||
| Do you remember the movie Rounders? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Amazing movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| I was young and influential at the time, but I saw that movie, I started walking around with a pack of cards in my back. | ||
| I swear to God, I was in high school, I'm like, oh my God, this is the coolest thing ever, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a horrible poker player, by the way. | ||
| I think that The same thing probably happened when Hustler came out. | ||
| 100% happened. | ||
| It did, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, 100%. | |
| And then The Color of Money. | ||
| It happened again in the 1980s with Tom Cruise. | ||
| And one more could make it happen. | ||
| Because there's a romanticism around the pool hall and around the shark and the characters and this weird... | ||
| We love the anti-hero. | ||
| You can be heroic within a misfit... | ||
| It's like, what's cool about Ocean's Eleven, it's like, they're heroes, but they're all villains. | ||
| They're not necessarily good people, but they're going after someone who's worse. | ||
| And we like that. | ||
| Well, what a real pool player is, is the glorious results of a misspent youth. | ||
| You have to be hanging out in pool halls to play pool good. | ||
| You don't learn how to play pool good in your basement. | ||
| You don't learn how to play pool good in a vacuum. | ||
| You have to be playing with real players. | ||
| If you want to be a really good stand-up, you gotta get dirty. | ||
| You gotta get on stage. | ||
| You gotta go to the cellar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You gotta go to the store. | ||
| You gotta go to the improv. | ||
| You gotta do late night sets. | ||
| You gotta do the road. | ||
| It's the same thing with a pool player. | ||
| Pool players do the road. | ||
| You know, they play on the road. | ||
| Like, it's literally called... | ||
| There's a book called Playing Off the Rail, and it's about my friend, Tony Anagoni, and this guy, David McCumber, who was Hunter S. Thompson's editor. | ||
| When Hunter S. Thompson, I forget what newspaper he wrote for, but McCumber was Hunter S. Thompson's editor, and they wrote a book together where my friend Tony, who was a top-flight pool player, they gave him, I think, it was a certain amount of money, like $10,000 or $20,000 in cash, and they taped it to their body and shit, and it traveled around the country playing the best players in the world and wrote a book about it. | ||
| And my friend Tony, who was a really elite pool player, but very troubled guy, during COVID jumped off a bridge. | ||
| He committed suicide. | ||
| He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And very, very sad. | ||
| Very sad. | ||
| Because he was really good at a thing, but it was a thing that just, like, didn't have its time anymore. | ||
| Like, no one gave a shit about pool anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was a moment where there was an Asian woman that you would see on ESPN. Jeanette Lee. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Jeanette Lee. | ||
| Jeanette Lee. | ||
| You would see her on ESPN. And ESPN was covering Poole a little bit. | ||
| And I thought Poole was going to have a little bit of a resurgence. | ||
| There was a time where there was a show. | ||
| I forget the guy's name who was the host of it. | ||
| It was a comic who hosted it. | ||
| It was called Celebrity Poole. | ||
| And Jeanette Lee was the co-host. | ||
| And I played on it. | ||
| With a bunch of other celebrities. | ||
| Did you bust their ass? | ||
| Oh, killed them. | ||
| Destroyed them. | ||
| I never lost a game. | ||
| I was like, you guys are out of your fucking mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the thing about you is like... | |
| You will choose certain things and then dedicate an obscene amount of time to them. | ||
| In this space, you took me to another room and then you shot a fake elk from a football field away. | ||
| And you brought one arrow maybe? | ||
| Yeah, I pulled out one arrow. | ||
| Because you knew it was going to take one arrow. | ||
| Yeah, I do whatever you say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, I know, I know. | |
| And it was like in a very tiny spot. | ||
| So it's like, if you're competing against you in something, you don't strike me as the person who will compete if you're not proficient. | ||
| No, I'll compete if I'm not proficient to learn how to get better. | ||
| When I was playing in tournaments, when I lived in New York, when I was playing pool in tournaments, I was terrible. | ||
| I had to learn to get good, and that's how you learn. | ||
| You've got to play. | ||
| It's like if you want to do jiu-jitsu, you've got to roll. | ||
| You've got to go in there and spar with people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you ever seen this show? | |
| Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Wait, that's the original guy that they were referencing in the... | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| That's actually New York Fats. | ||
| This is billiards. | ||
| This is a different game. | ||
| This is three cushion billiards. | ||
| Notice how there's no holes? | ||
| Three Cushion Billiards is a completely different game. | ||
| And what is the point of it? | ||
| You have to connect with one ball and then you go three rails, meaning it has to hit three rails and then collide with the next ball. | ||
| So watch this. | ||
| One, two, three, and then collides with that ball. | ||
| It's a very complex game. | ||
| It's not satisfying for a lot of people. | ||
| Because the balls don't disappear. | ||
| But notice how he plays it, and he makes the balls collide three rails. | ||
| This used to be the gentleman's game. | ||
| The gentleman's game was billiards. | ||
| And pool came up with it. | ||
| Pool is actually called pocket billiards, right? | ||
| But then it was Groucho Marx. | ||
| But the name pool came from the fact that people would pool their money together to gamble. | ||
| That's why it's called pool. | ||
| It's not called pool. | ||
| It's really called pocket billiards. | ||
| But pool, like pool halls where people would go to gamble. | ||
| And the joke about it was like, no gambling. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| Like, no gambling. | ||
| It's like bodybuilders and steroids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No steroids. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, everybody fucking gambled on pool. | ||
| So billiards is the umbrella. | ||
| And then underneath that there are different games. | ||
| There's also one with like studs on these. | ||
| Yes, that's an Italian billiards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Italian billiards, they would put like these little pins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the idea, I don't know how to play that, so I'm not sure, but there was a place in Vegas that we used to play. | ||
| Me and my friend Max Eberle, who's also a top flight pool player, and this guy who owned it was from Italy. | ||
| It was the best Italian food in Vegas. | ||
| And it was at this fucking little pool hall that was in a strip mall. | ||
| And this guy came from Rome. | ||
| And he would play this Italian billiards. | ||
| And he had a fucking kitchen there. | ||
| And he would have imported cheese and this fantastic pasta. | ||
| And we would go there to eat, man. | ||
| We would go there to eat and play pool. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| But this is the game. | ||
| I don't understand this game, though. | ||
| I don't know what the rules are. | ||
| But they would have these little pins, like little tiny bowling pins. | ||
| And I don't know if you're supposed to knock them down or if you're supposed to not knock them down. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| I don't even know where the balls go. | ||
| But they would have these guys from the old country that would be down there playing. | ||
| And a lot of people from South America and Central America, they play that three-cushion billiards. | ||
| And Europeans, too. | ||
| It's still popular in Belgium. | ||
| Three Cushion? | ||
| Three Cushion. | ||
| What you watch with Minnesota Fats, that's Three Cushion. | ||
| But Minnesota Fats wasn't Minnesota Fats. | ||
| His name was New York Fats. | ||
| He changed his name to Minnesota Fats after The Hustler because he said, that was about me. | ||
| But Minnesota Fats was never the best pool player. | ||
| Willie Moscone was the best pool player. | ||
| So Minnesota Fats and Willie Moscone used to play games together on television. | ||
| And Minnesota Fats... | ||
| Willie Moscone hated him because he was like this dirty gambler who was like a con artist. | ||
| He was a really good player. | ||
| But he was like hustling like- Yeah, he was a hustler. | ||
| Whereas Willie Moscone was the gentleman. | ||
| He would wear the suits and the ties and up until recently he held the world record in straight pool for the most amount of balls run. | ||
| Which was? | ||
| I think it was like in the 500s, ran 500 balls. | ||
| But then a guy named John Schmidt, he beat that. | ||
| And then a guy named Jason Shaw just beat it again. | ||
| Jason Shaw, I think he ran 700 plus balls, which is wild. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| But Jason Shaw is like top of the food chain professional pool player right now, currently. | ||
| There's like a few guys, there's like maybe 20 guys worldwide that are like top of the food chain. | ||
| And he's right in there. | ||
| When I was living in Barcelona. | ||
| How long were you living in Barcelona? | ||
| Like almost a year. | ||
| What were you doing there? | ||
| I just took a year off school, and I wanted to learn Spanish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So I worked in an ad agency out there, and it was cool. | ||
| And that was actually really cool, because it opens up a whole world to you. | ||
| You learn another language. | ||
| You learn jokes from other people. | ||
| But I would always walk by. | ||
| I lived near this place, the Arc de Triomphe. | ||
| Also the French Arc de Triomphe that they fucking love. | ||
| That's a rip-off of the Roman one, so another reason why Paris sucks. | ||
| But I lived by the Arc de Triomphe and there was a park there and there was all these older guys that would go play, I believe it's called Bocce Ball? | ||
| Bocce Ball, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's an Italian game. | ||
| And I would sit and watch them. | ||
| And it gave me like this great hope because I was like, oh, when I'm 70, when I'm 70, I'm going to be able to hang out with my boys And have a shit talking game. | ||
| And they were talking shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Making fun of one another. | ||
| And I think that's kind of like... | ||
| That's the importance of games like pool and golf. | ||
| Like these games that don't revolve around pure physical exertion. | ||
| But rather skill... | ||
| Where you can continue to do them at an elevated age and still get the camaraderie aspect that we need as guys. | ||
| We need to be around one another, making fun of each other, like, busting balls, talking about what's happening in the world. | ||
| And I saw these guys that were so fucking happy, talking shit, and I would just sit weirdly, like, sit and watch them play. | ||
| And I was like, this is great. | ||
| That when I'm 70, I'm going to have my version of that with my guys. | ||
| Like, I think, hobbies, activity, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But I was like, that is important. | ||
| And I think pool is one of those. | ||
| And like, weirdly, when I was younger, it was just this incredibly popular thing. | ||
| Like, people had pool tables in their homes. | ||
| Like, if you were like a rich kid, they had a fucking pool table there. | ||
| It was like a part of your house. | ||
| And I feel like that's kind of like left. | ||
| Yeah, well, sometimes people have them, but they just don't use them. | ||
| It's like a treadmill. | ||
| Yeah, it just sits there so people think you use it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of people buy treadmills, they never use them. | ||
| They buy pool tables, they never learn how to play. | ||
| Like, where's your chalk? | ||
| You know how you chalk? | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When I was a kid, I was like 22 or 23 when I moved to New York. | ||
| I guess I was 23. Yeah. | ||
| Where'd you live? | ||
| I lived in New Rochelle. | ||
| And the reason why I lived in New Rochelle was so I could be closer to White Plains, which is where White Plains Billiards was. | ||
| Executive Billiards in White Plains. | ||
| And that's where I started playing. | ||
| And when I would go there, one of the things, it was an old school pool hall back in the day. | ||
| Now it's not. | ||
| I think it was still around up until recently, but it became like a club, like loud music and lights and shit. | ||
| It fell apart because they needed to make money and they sold it a bunch of times to different people. | ||
| But when I was there in the 90s, Executive Billiards was a gambling pool hall where people would travel from around the country. | ||
| I remember there was a dude who came down from Montreal to play my friend Johnny B. He came down... | ||
| The guy I met? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You didn't have Johnny. | ||
| You met Tommy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tommy. | |
| I met Tommy Jr. He was another one. | ||
| He was another professional pool player at the time who had to get a job. | ||
| But these guys would... | ||
| Travel to the spot because they knew they could get action there. | ||
| There's action pool halls. | ||
| Chelsea Billiards was a big one. | ||
| Amsterdam, I think, was one. | ||
| Eh, Amsterdam was more of a high-end league place. | ||
| Where people would go and they'd play. | ||
| You could get games there, but it wasn't a dirty pool hall. | ||
| It was always very upscale, very nice. | ||
| It was like they took billiards to another level. | ||
| They took it to this really refined, very good waitresses, good service, clean tables. | ||
| Executive wasn't like that at all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Executive Billiards was dirty. | ||
| It was like you had like a lot of homeless people that would hang out there. | ||
| People would fall asleep there because they didn't have a home. | ||
| And I remember being like a total misfit, right? | ||
| I was an amateur comedian. | ||
| He was trying to become professional and I'd moved to New York and I just started kind of working. | ||
| I'd only been doing stand-up for like three years, four years maybe. | ||
| And I was just starting to get work and go on the road a little bit. | ||
| And I would go and hang out with all these guys. | ||
| And they all had nicknames. | ||
| Everyone had a nickname. | ||
| Like Ray the Fireman. | ||
| I was Joe the Comedian. | ||
| There was Ray the Fireman. | ||
| There was Mount Vernon Tommy. | ||
| There was White Plains Charlie. | ||
| There was all these people that were... | ||
| Total misfits in the rest of society and they would go there and they would have camaraderie and I couldn't wait to go there. | ||
| I would be on a date with my girlfriend and she'd be boring and I couldn't wait to drop her off at her apartment and head down to White Plains and see my boys. | ||
| And we would play there till 4 or 5 in the morning and then we would go to the Star Diner in Mount Vernon. | ||
| We'd eat cheeseburgers. | ||
| And then after that was done, I'd go to sleep. | ||
| I'd go to sleep in my apartment. | ||
| I'd wake up at like fucking two in the afternoon. | ||
| I'd go to the gym. | ||
| I'd work out. | ||
| I'd go do a set somewhere. | ||
| And then after my set, I couldn't wait to go play pool. | ||
| I couldn't wait. | ||
| I'd just get back to that pool hall. | ||
| And I remember walking in the door. | ||
| There'd be some guy yelling at somebody, you want action, motherfucker? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll give you a hundred hours, a game, nine games, put up the fucking money. | |
| And they'd start pulling out their money. | ||
| They had no intention on gambling. | ||
| They wanted to pull out the money and they just wanted to bark. | ||
| They'd bark at each other. | ||
| And then occasionally people would play and then you'd have guys who were like real top flight players who would gamble. | ||
| I saw guys play for $10,000 a game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like a game of One Pocket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Not a game, but like a set. | ||
| What's One Pocket? | ||
| One pocket is a weird gambler's game where a pool table has six holes, but you would have one pocket to make your balls, and I would have one pocket to make my balls. | ||
| And it's like the end pockets, like right where you rack the balls. | ||
| I would have the right pocket, you'd have the left pocket. | ||
| And it's a very skillful game. | ||
| You've got to make sure that there's no shots for your opponent while you have shots and you're trying to bump balls and move them towards your hole. | ||
| And you have to decide when to bust out and take a chance and fire balls in your hole. | ||
| Because if you miss, then you leave it open for the other guy and you can just run out. | ||
| And it's a very skillful game, so it's a game where a lot of people like for gambling. | ||
| Because it reduces the amount of luck. | ||
| Like with nine ball, there's a lot of luck in nine ball. | ||
| What is that that, like... | ||
| Yeah, like, I guess we crave acceptance, all of us, in general, but, like, there's something about, like, and I think that this, like, inclusion within, like, the misfit communities exists in comedy as well. | ||
| Like, you're with a bunch of comics, and, like, you feel free to say the wild things that the average civilian would maybe be uncomfortable around. | ||
| There's a freedom, right? | ||
| And I think that, like, even, like, the green room, or the cellar, the back table, like, I'm sure the store, there's these things that exist, and it's like, Maybe at its core, it's just like, where can I be the closest version to myself? | ||
| And if you see yourself kind of as a little bit of a misfit around all these other motherfuckers that are also misfits, there's liberty. | ||
| You're home, dude. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's what the pool hall felt like to me at 23 years old, or 24 years old, whatever I was. | ||
| It felt like I'm finally at a place where I'm around people that are like me. | ||
| They were all misfits. | ||
| They were all guys who just got out of jail. | ||
| Why do we love the misfits? | ||
| Because they're fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because they're fun and they don't care what society thinks about them. | |
| And that is the rarest thing because most people are consumed with what the world thinks about you. | ||
| And then you have these interesting people that pop up that go, I don't really give a fuck. | ||
| And then the rest of us go, Wow, that's awesome. | ||
| I would like to not give a fuck that amount. | ||
| I want to be like you. | ||
| I want to be like you. | ||
| Even though you're a guy who maybe hasn't showered in two days and you're in a pool hall, you say whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| And everybody loves it when you show up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Johnny's here! | |
| Johnny, the guy who makes me feel comfortable being me! | ||
| He's here! | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's why we need him. | ||
| I always wonder, like, the people who get consumed, and I felt a little bit of this, like, I don't want to, like, trash LA, because I think LA is actually cool, and I have, like, friends who are from there, but there was a little bit, like, I think culturally, because Hollywood is such an institution there, You gravitate to what is working, and whatever's working, regardless if it has merit, people value it. | ||
| And naturally, as human beings, we're gonna gravitate to that thing. | ||
| But I always wondered, like, are those people ever gonna experience what it's like to just fucking let loose? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not if you need to get booked on your next gig. | ||
| You're missing out. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Well, you can't even have unorthodox opinions. | ||
| You can't have heterodox opinions. | ||
| You have to follow whatever the ideology that's currently running the system wants you to follow. | ||
| You've got to pay the price. | ||
| That's why everybody in Hollywood is left-wing, Democrat, across the board, blue no matter who. | ||
| And even if you don't believe that, you have to say that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now, like, I think before the internet, we couldn't see it as much. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And now with the internet, like, the internet is like taking the condom off. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, I always felt that, like... | |
| Like, you see, like, somebody have a... | ||
| Even your show, for example, like, really exposed to late-night shows, I think. | ||
| And it wasn't your intention, but, like, you saw someone have, like, a conversation here where they were, like, being themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then they would go on and have a conversation for five minutes on, like, Kimmel, and it'd be like, what am I watching here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like Nikki. | ||
| Like Nikki Glaser. | ||
| Exactly, right? | ||
| You know what I was talking about earlier. | ||
| So it's like, once you feel the condom off, it's hard to go back to the condom. | ||
| It's almost impossible. | ||
| It feels weird. | ||
| It feels like someone's lying to you. | ||
| It feels disingenuous. | ||
| Yeah, it feels boring. | ||
| It feels fucking boring. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| I guess what I'm saying is like... | ||
| Human beings have a litmus test for bullshit. | ||
| They just have to show that the thing that they're watching is bullshit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And once they see that, they can't go back. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Once you see it, you can't go back. | ||
| It's like that movie They Live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| Once you put on the glasses and you see it. | ||
| You remember that movie, Ratty Roddy Piper? | ||
| It was like some movie where... | ||
| The Wrestler? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was a movie like... | ||
| Were they aliens? | ||
| What were they? | ||
| They were like aliens that were running Earth, but you couldn't see them unless you put these certain glasses on. | ||
| And you put these glasses on, and that's what everybody really looked like. | ||
| And once... | ||
| Like, if you put the glasses on... | ||
| It was John Carpenter. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| OG. Yeah. | ||
| See? | ||
| Obey. | ||
| Look at that fucking... | ||
| Well, you should get that... | ||
| We should get one of those, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, we need to get that. | ||
| You know, large, metal. | ||
| Get that image. | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| But that's what happens, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I feel like... | ||
| Once you see it, you can't unsee it. | ||
| You can't see it. | ||
| And the thing is, if you make people see things, there are a couple institutions you can't fuck with. | ||
| And if you do fuck with them, they understand the power of taking the condom off, and then they throw everything. | ||
| And I think Elon's going through that a little bit right now. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| He and I had a little exchange about that recently. | ||
| It was like, man, they're really coming after me. | ||
| Because he went after politics. | ||
| You can't go after politics. | ||
| Well, he said he would be Republican. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And that's when they freaked out. | ||
| Because he has so much influence. | ||
| He has like 104 million Twitter followers. | ||
| He's also what everybody believes to him to be the smartest person. | ||
| So if the smartest person says something, then you're like, well, that must have merit. | ||
| He's the smartest guy. | ||
| That's a dangerous fucking tool if you're an institution that relies on people believing the condom on is okay. | ||
| And then when you take... | ||
| This is what happened to you. | ||
| So I think you became the new version of media's Trump. | ||
| It happened to Dave Portnoy from Barstool a bit when he started fucking with finance. | ||
| If you fuck with the financial sector, they come for you. | ||
| You fuck with politics, they come for you. | ||
| It's also just success. | ||
| Like, Portnoy made a shitload of money, sold Barstool, and he's also, like, pretty brazenly masculine and open about it. | ||
| It's a target. | ||
| You're a target. | ||
| They will fucking come for your ass because there's a lot of money to be made in those institutions. | ||
| And I wonder if, like, that's interesting that he recognized that as well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they throw the fucking... | ||
| They throw everything at you. | ||
| Yeah, they throw everything at you. | ||
| But there's a certain thing called escape velocity. | ||
| And you've achieved escape velocity. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Like you've gotten so far away that the gravity can't pull you back in. | ||
| You've gotten so far away they can't get you anymore. | ||
| And I think he's achieved escape velocity. | ||
| Certain people have achieved escape velocity. | ||
| It's like you can't really put that genie back in the bottle. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| You can't catch it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like every time they try to go after you... | ||
| You get bigger. | ||
| You get bigger? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| Chappelle's going through it. | ||
| It's like every time, it's just bigger. | ||
| Yeah, you get bigger. | ||
| And then when you go on stage, they cheer harder. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| Because now you're just not a comic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now they're rooting for your success because they don't like the other thing. | ||
| They don't like people telling them what to do and what to say and what's okay and what's not okay. | ||
| They don't like that. | ||
| Bro, it's like, we're Americans. | ||
| We're built. | ||
| Every person that came here... | ||
| Or two generations away is someone who gave up everything. | ||
| Literally everything, their family, they give up absolutely everything for an opportunity. | ||
| They don't like to be told what to do. | ||
| It's like weirdly, I wonder if rebellion is built into our DNA in a weird way. | ||
| I don't know if humans exist like that. | ||
| Built into our culture. | ||
| But culturally 100%. | ||
| Yeah, it was a rebellious, freedom-loving culture. | ||
| I mean, we're the only country that has, like, freedom built into its ethos. | ||
| I mean, it's a country that was literally founded by immigrants that took a chance on a boat ride before there was YouTube videos. | ||
| They didn't even have a photo to look at. | ||
| Someone drew a picture. | ||
| They're like, yo, it's fire over there. | ||
| Yeah, I like that picture. | ||
| Let's fucking go. | ||
| They took their baby and they got on a fucking boat. | ||
| To nowhere. | ||
| And who knows whether or not these people are telling the truth. | ||
| You gotta take that boat ride all the way to fucking Plymouth, Massachusetts and get out and try to carve a life. | ||
| And you're gonna tell us what to do? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't tell the kids of those people what to do. | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| Do you think that, like, that's the only way to achieve, like, a new version of society? | ||
| Is to start again. | ||
| Like, what America did, if you go look at the Declaration of Independence, if you go look at the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and forget about the fact that a lot of those people, like, by today's standards, were horrible people. | ||
| Forget about that. | ||
| Because that is true. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| And you could dwell on that forever, but this is just like the times. | ||
| We're talking about ideas, not people right now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What they did was insanely revolutionary. | ||
| What they did by setting up the system of government that we have, what they did by setting up the Bill of Rights and the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, all the different rights and rules and regulations in which to govern people by, and set it up as like fail-safes to stop tyranny. | ||
| And it got pretty fucking far. | ||
| Got a couple hundred years in before the wheels started really falling off and Nancy Pelosi started making money from insider trading. | ||
| But when you get to... | ||
| And the Clinton body count. | ||
| But if you get... | ||
| If you think about what they did in the beginning to what they got to now, it's pretty fucking amazing. | ||
| And it's like, I wonder if it would be possible to do again. | ||
| But there's no place like North America anymore. | ||
| There's no place where you could just show up. | ||
| And have water to water. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
| It is an amazing miracle that happened and millions of lives were lost in the process. | ||
| And I'm not talking about Native Americans only. | ||
| I'm talking about Civil War. | ||
| I'm talking about just like there's intense life loss to create the thing. | ||
| But the most unique thing to me is that in history, when human beings have gotten power, they've usually tried to hold on to it. | ||
| And this, in my estimation, is the first time in history where it's happened and they've relinquished it. | ||
| And I'm not some historian, so tell me about where it happened in Greece. | ||
| Sure, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| It did happen in Greece. | ||
| It just fell apart. | ||
| It fell apart. | ||
| The fact that... | ||
| We were able to give it back to the people. | ||
| I mean, if you look at, like, Socrates, people quote Socrates for everything, right? | ||
| They're like, oh, this guy's brilliant, he understands humanity, all this shit. | ||
| He was like, democracy? | ||
| You gonna let these fucking idiots vote? | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| They did let the idiots vote! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it fucking... | |
| Listen, we've had trials and tribulations 100%, but I'll say this about America. | ||
| You can be the best version of you here. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| My mother is the best version of herself here. | ||
| She's not from here. | ||
| The best version of you in terms of the way you could do it under any other form of government. | ||
| This is the most freedom that you can get. | ||
| You reach the highest you here. | ||
| And the most success you can achieve. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's what I'm proud of. | ||
| Like fucking July 4th, I was wearing a fucking American flag shirt and there was a protest going on and these ladies are screaming at me, abortion rights. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, lady. | ||
| We're in New York. | ||
| Who are you fighting against? | ||
| There's abortions every fucking day here. | ||
| But for me, that's what I wear it for. | ||
| I'm going... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can be me here. | |
| What do you think that is about? | ||
| It's not just abortion rights, but now they're going after gay marriage too, which is so strange to me. | ||
| Marco Rubio was saying that it was a silly thing to argue about, to be concerned about, and then some other senator who is a gay woman confronted him and she was furious at it. | ||
| Because gay marriage is not silly. | ||
| It's marriage. | ||
| It's marriage from people that are homosexual. | ||
| And for them, it's important. | ||
| They want to affirm their love and their relationship. | ||
| And the fact that they're going after that now almost makes me feel like they want us to fight. | ||
| They want to divide us in the best way they can. | ||
| This is the best way for them to keep pulling off all the bullshit they're doing behind the scenes is to get us to fight over things like gay marriage or get us to fight over things like abortion. | ||
| It's just like, why are you removing freedoms? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And, you know, and then this new thing where they're, you know, gun rights, like trying to go after the Second Amendment. | ||
| You know, you see that story that recently happened where there's a shooter in a mall? | ||
| Can we say something about the gay marriage real quick? | ||
| Yeah, please. | ||
| Like, if you're going to say that marriage is an important cultural institution to the fabric of America, you can't remove it from Americans. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't go and say, this is important. | ||
| This is what we do. | ||
| We create a family and we love one another and this is how we express our love and then say, ah, these Americans can't do that shit. | ||
| It's so homophobic because you're saying there's something wrong with being homosexual. | ||
| By saying that you are opposed to gay marriage, you're saying you're opposed to gay people. | ||
| Because if gay people are in love with each other, and they want to have a celebration, and they want to be legally bonded and connected, and there's all sorts of benefits to that in terms of- Financial benefits. | ||
| Financial benefits, taxes. | ||
| You're building into the system, yeah. | ||
| But not only that, if your loved one is in jail, or not in jail- On trial, you can't- Or, I was going to say, in a hospital. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| You have access to them, yeah. | ||
| You have access to them, and you're the only one that has access to them because you're their spouse. | ||
| You're the one who has power of attorney if they're incapacitated. | ||
| There's a lot to affirming that relationship. | ||
| And the fact that they're going after that now, that's the kind of shit that keeps me from being a Republican. | ||
| There's a bunch of shit that keeps me from being a Republican. | ||
| But that's one of the, like, people will say, like, oh, you know, you're a secret conservative. | ||
| Like, you could suck my dick. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| I'm so far away from being a Republican. | ||
| Just because I believe in the Second Amendment and just because I support the military and just because I support police. | ||
| Like, I was on welfare as a kid. | ||
| I think it's important. | ||
| I think having a social safety net is crucial. | ||
| It's crucial. | ||
| We should help each other. | ||
| We're supposed to be one big community. | ||
| I'm a bleeding heart liberal when it comes to a lot of shit. | ||
| I just also believe in discipline and hard work. | ||
| That's where I fall into the more conservative side. | ||
| And that's okay. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm not a person who wants to keep all my money and not pay taxes. | ||
| People have accused me of moving to Texas because I didn't want to pay taxes. | ||
| No, I moved to Texas because I want fucking freedom. | ||
| I didn't like the way California was telling people they can and can't work. | ||
| Telling people what is essential. | ||
| This is an essential business. | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| A liquor store is essential. | ||
| And I'm looking at insanely unhealthy people that are dictating the health regulations of what you can and can't do. | ||
| You can't dine outside. | ||
| And I'm looking at fucking Skeletor telling me this. | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| But that's the problem, is that the second that you agree with one thing... | ||
| Right. | ||
| They want to label you. | ||
| They label you, and it's... | ||
| Everybody, I don't care who the fuck you are. | ||
| You agree with something conservative, and you agree with something liberal. | ||
| I don't give a fuck who you are. | ||
| Just within this, like, tribal mindset where everything is black and white, what they do is they get votes by making everybody the absolute villain. | ||
| And they're abusing it for votes. | ||
| But if you're actually going to be, like, a real person... | ||
| You're gonna be both. | ||
| I mean, Chris Rock had that great joke, there's something I'm concerned about, there's something I'm liable about. | ||
| And it's like, yeah, that's every human being. | ||
| Every human being. | ||
| Except really crazy people that are just ideologically captured. | ||
| Grifting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's grifters, but there's also people that are just in a fucking cult. | ||
| You know, and those are the people that wanted to burn Christians. | ||
| Those are the people that, you know, this is... | ||
| How far does that cult go? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's like you let that start right now. | ||
| Where does it end? | ||
| Like if they're the bad guy and they're awful and they're Nazis. | ||
| You gotta kill them. | ||
| Yeah, I mean that's what people have done throughout time. | ||
| They've othered. | ||
| They dehumanize. | ||
| Yeah, they dehumanize. | ||
| And once you're not a human, you could do anything to that person. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You could burn witches. | ||
| It's a witch. | ||
| You could harass them. | ||
| You could harass their families. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| And it's okay because they disagree with you and they agree with something quote unquote evil. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| When you might agree with something that your side also thinks is evil. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you're not willing to admit it because you're scared. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They'll whisper it to you. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I am with you on this one. | ||
| And we meet all these people. | ||
| Sometimes these motherfuckers from super liberal organizations will DM me. | ||
| And I'll ask them about it. | ||
| And they're honest in the DMs. | ||
| And I'm like, you fucking phony? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You fucking phony, dude. | ||
| It's a grift. | ||
| That's why I think it's a grift. | ||
| It's more of a cowardice than a grift with a lot of folks. | ||
| They're just scared of encountering the wrath of the cult. | ||
| You just got to be careful that when you have the wrath of the cult, that you don't ease into the comfort of the side that supports you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you'll feel their wrath the second you move away from them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're a man on an island, and it's hard to be on an island. | ||
| Because now both sides can be upset at you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Yeah, that's the trickiest thing. | ||
| When you feel like the total wrath of the opposition, it's hard to be like, but they do have a point about these certain things. | ||
| You gotta do that, though. | ||
| You have to, or else you just become the same fraud that you have. | ||
| Yeah, you become them. | ||
| And I don't subscribe to that. | ||
| I think you have to always say what you actually think about things and look at them objectively if you can. | ||
| And sometimes we're going to fail at that because in the moment you're going to be overwhelmed or captured or trapped in your thoughts. | ||
| But at the end of the day, we all want similar things. | ||
| We all want a peaceful society where your children and your family and your friends can prosper. | ||
| And you want people to have the freedom to live the way they choose. | ||
| The problem is when people start infringing on other people's freedoms. | ||
| That's what drives me crazy. | ||
| That's what's driving me crazy about this gay marriage thing. | ||
| And that's what's driving me crazy about this abortion thing. | ||
| It's like, who are you to fucking tell people what they can and can't do? | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's not what... | ||
| It's not what benefits us as a culture. | ||
| What benefits as a culture is trying to see how the other people see and feel and find common ground. | ||
| You don't even have to agree, but a lack of rigidity. | ||
| I think most human beings, right? | ||
| I don't care how liberal you are. | ||
| Most human beings who have had a kid will say, at a certain point in time, in the belly, it's a human. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nine months, it's a fucking human. | |
| Okay, so we agree, at a certain point, it's a human. | ||
| Then we can back up from then, when the right or wrong, or when somebody's right it is to terminate that thing. | ||
| One week? | ||
| Okay, who knows. | ||
| To look at something and go, nine months, you should be able to do it. | ||
| That's a little much, I think, for most people, if you're being honest. | ||
| One week, We don't even know if it's gonna come to term. | ||
| I think 25% of, I think, women that are pregnant end up having miscarriages. | ||
| Some of them don't even know it because they think it might be their period. | ||
| Like, it's a very common thing that happens. | ||
| So, if we just had a little bit more, like, elasticity, and we could just be like, hey, I agree there's a point in time where, yeah, it definitely is a life and that'd be a little bit too much. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Eight months is, that's a lot. | ||
| A week? | ||
| Two weeks! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two weeks is like, we got like 30 cells? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| It's like one of those really complicated and messy human dilemmas. | ||
| And that's what abortion is. | ||
| Some people are like, at the moment of conception, and I think most of those people, that's a religious notion. | ||
| And that's okay, too. | ||
| I'll go, okay, I understand where you're coming from for that perspective because you believe in that. | ||
| And that's okay. | ||
| And I understand why you feel that way. | ||
| I'll just say that. | ||
| And then I'll go, but what about these horrible circumstances? | ||
| Wouldn't you feel like it might be okay in these horrible circumstances? | ||
| And then if they could just remove themselves from the group for a second and be like, okay, maybe in those... | ||
| I'm not saying I'm giving you permission. | ||
| Ultimately, it's like God who gives them permission, but I see why someone would want to. | ||
| That's all you have to say. | ||
| And then you don't feel like you're calling someone an asshole and a murderer every fucking two seconds. | ||
| You can't have a conversation with someone who goes, you're a murderer. | ||
| But then you have people that show up at these rallies and brag about how many abortions they've had. | ||
| That's the extreme that we're talking about. | ||
| It's just like, you're proud of that? | ||
| It polarizes people in the opposite way. | ||
| You know, there's a funny clip, not funny, but it's very telling, from Joe Biden, and it's from like the 1980s, where he said, abortion should be legal and it should be rare. | ||
| And, you know, and that it's always tragic, but it should be rare. | ||
| And it's, you know, it's very interesting because it's such a nuanced perspective in comparison to the way he talks about it now. | ||
| And just the party, like the party has a line. | ||
| Someone told me this of Elizabeth Warren, that what she does is she has interns that search on Twitter for how people think about things, and then that's what she runs with. | ||
| That's what she talks about. | ||
| I don't know if that's true, but I know if you want to say cynically about certain politicians, for sure they do that. | ||
| There's certain politicians that don't give you any feeling whatsoever of sincerity and of being a real human being. | ||
| They seem like they're just poll machines. | ||
| It's a job. | ||
| And that's what scares people if you're talking about people's rights. | ||
| If you're talking about a woman's right to choose, if you're talking about a gay person's right to be married. | ||
| It's like, to have people, they have these rigid, poll-oriented perspectives on this, where I'm on the right-wing party, so I am going to say this because this is what my side believes and this is what my side wants. | ||
| What if what if politics was like jury duty in that, like, we all acknowledge we don't want to do it, but it was our civic duty to society. | ||
| So the first thing that qualifies you to be president is you not wanting to be president. | ||
| And us literally having to force you as a society. | ||
| And then you go, fucking A. I'll give it four fucking years. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| I'll do my best because I love this country. | ||
| But I don't want to tell you what the fuck to do. | ||
| I don't want to interfere with your goddamn lives. | ||
| I'm going to do the best because I love this fucking thing. | ||
| But I'd rather spend time with my fucking family and enjoy my goddamn life. | ||
| Wouldn't you trust that human being? | ||
| Well, that's what we hope for. | ||
| That's why we hate someone like Trump. | ||
| Because Trump believes he should be president and he wants to be president. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And there's something a little icky about it. | ||
| They were like, get him out of here. | ||
| Dude, and I think that was so endearing about Bernie. | ||
| It was like, this motherfucker don't want to win. | ||
| He wants to help. | ||
| Now, is his idea of help, do you agree with it? | ||
| That's to be said by the average person. | ||
| But did you feel like he cared about winning and controlling? | ||
| No. | ||
| I never got that sense from him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I got a sense that he genuinely looks out for the working class. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And he genuinely wants to help people. | ||
| That's why I said that I supported him. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And when he was explaining how his situation works with taxes, that they would just tax a small percentage of speculation, of stock trading, just a tiny percentage of all these trades that are happening constantly, and that that money could go to education, that money could go to welfare, that money could go to all these different things that we'd use to benefit society. | ||
| I was like, I'm in. | ||
| That sounds good. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| What else are you trying to do? | ||
| You trying to avoid war? | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| That sounds cool. | ||
| What else are you trying to do? | ||
| Trying to eliminate student debt? | ||
| Hey! | ||
| What else? | ||
| What about healthcare? | ||
| Free healthcare? | ||
| I'm in! | ||
| And he's a radical. | ||
| And he's a radical. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what's wrong with the system? | |
| Yeah, I mean, as long as you're not discouraging capitalism and progress and people's ability to excel. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's what people worry about with communism, right, and socialism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which they should. | |
| Yeah, they should. | ||
| They should worry about someone impeding your ability to excel and succeed. | ||
| But if we're not impeding that ability and we're taking like a percentage of speculation We're not even talking about hard work. | ||
| We're saying you dumped a bunch of money into something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You didn't grind for fucking hours and pull fucking turnips out of the ground. | ||
| And we're talking about a fraction of a penny per trade. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's so many trades. | ||
| He was talking about this could benefit people in the tune of trillions of dollars a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's reasonable. | ||
| And then the average person, I think, that isn't tribal with their politics goes, all right, this motherfucker... | ||
| He's a curmudgeon. | ||
| He don't want to be doing this. | ||
| Every time he goes in front of the podium, he's like, why do I have to convince you guys to take care of people? | ||
| It was really endearing. | ||
| People were trying to play games with him and have fun. | ||
| He's like, I don't want to shoot free throws, guys. | ||
| Let me just fucking help people. | ||
| It felt like that. | ||
| It genuinely felt like that. | ||
| Well, that's why it was wild that he was willing to do my podcast. | ||
| I was like, look at this motherfucker. | ||
| Coming in and sit down with me for three hours while he's running for president. | ||
| He knows! | ||
| Just hang out. | ||
| Talk shit. | ||
| And did it work? | ||
| Not really. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Joe, it worked. | ||
| They went for him. | ||
| But the system... | ||
| They came for him. | ||
| He won, but the system in place with the caucuses did not allow him to win. | ||
| He was robbed. | ||
| Well, they definitely conspired to remove him. | ||
| The superdelegate thing doesn't exist with the Republicans. | ||
| That's why Trump won. | ||
| If the Republicans had superdelegates where you could have the system have one vote be worth $10,000. | ||
| What's that noise? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe they're building something out there? | ||
| UFOs? | ||
| The fuck is that? | ||
| Is that Jeff? | ||
| Jeff's probably drilling something in the wall. | ||
| Anyway, I don't know. | ||
| And you could argue, okay, maybe he wasn't good enough. | ||
| Maybe he wasn't good enough at convincing people in any of these things. | ||
| But the idea is interesting. | ||
| And if someone else came along that was like him, that was a genuine human being, that, you know, has always been that guy. | ||
| You know, it's like, what we're scared of is someone like Nancy Pelosi. | ||
| Like, have you ever given your husband a tip? | ||
| No, never. | ||
| Oh, that's enough of that. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| That's what we're scared of, right? | ||
| We're scared of someone who's obviously full of shit, being in a position of power, like a Nancy Pelosi. | ||
| And he's just not that, right? | ||
| And what we need is someone... | ||
| Like, that's why everybody goes back to JFK. They go, that was the guy! | ||
| That was our guy! | ||
| They shot him! | ||
| I don't know the love of... | ||
| I don't understand what happened with JFK. I know he got shot, but I don't understand what he did. | ||
| JFK wanted to disband the CIA. He wanted to get rid of the Federal Reserve. | ||
| He thought that secret societies were repugnant. | ||
| Have you ever heard his speech about secret societies? | ||
| You never heard that? | ||
| You want to know why JFK got shot? | ||
| Talk to me. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| Well, first of all, there's the Bay of Pigs. | ||
| There's a lot of people that were angry at him in the military. | ||
| JFK was not a perfect person, but he was a fascinating public speaker. | ||
| And the things that he talked about, the way he described America and our hopes and dreams, resonated with people that had a hope for the future. | ||
| They had a vision in this guy, this young, vibrant guy who was the president. | ||
| Maybe he could take us there. | ||
| And when they shot and killed him, a lot of people were like, oh! | ||
| And then when you realize it's most likely a grand conspiracy, Most likely. | ||
| And you just wonder, like, what nefarious forces are trying to keep us from this thing that we all want, which is like an America that we could be proud of, a place where we see, like, intelligent, hardworking, like, kind, compassionate people that can run the world in a better place, in a better way than it's being run now. | ||
| I think that's what we want, dude. | ||
| We want a shot at greatness. | ||
| At least give me a shot. | ||
| If I fail on my own, that's on me. | ||
| Pull up the video. | ||
| Let's end this podcast. | ||
| Pull up the video of JFK giving his speech on secret societies. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Just give us a little piece of it. | ||
| Give us a little piece of it. | ||
| Yeah, give me a five-minute version. | ||
| Put the headphones on, son. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| And this is why they shot this motherfucker. | ||
| This is one of the reasons why they shot him. | ||
| It's also like... | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| I mean, his dad was in with the mob. | ||
| There's a whole situation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a lot. | |
| There's a lot. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, the very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society. | ||
| And we are, as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, and to secret proceedings. | ||
| We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweigh the dangers which are cited to justify it. | ||
| Even today, there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. | ||
| Even today, there is little value in ensuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it. | ||
| And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment. | ||
| That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it's in my control. | ||
| And no official of my administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, Should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes, or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know. | ||
| For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covet means. | ||
| For expanding its sphere of influence, on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. | ||
| It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine, That combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific, and political operations. | ||
| Its preparations are concealed, not published. | ||
| Its mistakes are buried, not headlined. | ||
| Its dissenters are silenced, not praised. | ||
| No expenditure is questioned. | ||
| No rumor is printed. | ||
| No secret is revealed. | ||
| No president should fear public scrutiny of his program, for from that scrutiny comes understanding, and from that understanding comes support or opposition, and both are necessary. | ||
| I am not asking your newspapers to support an administration, but I am asking your help in the tremendous task of informing and alerting the American people, for I have complete confidence And the response and dedication of our citizens, whenever they are fully informed. | ||
| I not only could not stifle controversy among your readers, I welcome it. | ||
| This administration intends to be candid about its errors, for as a wise man once said, an error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it. | ||
| We intend to accept full responsibility for our errors, and we expect you to point them out when we miss them. | ||
| Without debate, without criticism, no administration and no country can succeed, and no republic can survive. | ||
| That is why the Athenian lawmaker Sola decreed a crime for any citizen to shrink from controversy. | ||
| And that is why our press was protected by the First Amendment, the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution, not primarily to amuse and entertain, Not to emphasize the trivial and the sentimental, | ||
| not to simply give the public what it wants, but to inform, to arouse, to reflect, to state our dangers and our opportunities, to indicate our crises and our choices, to lead, mold, educate, and sometimes even anger public opinion. | ||
| This means greater coverage and analysis of international news, For it is no longer far away and foreign, but close at hand and local. | ||
| It means greater attention to improved understanding of the news, as well as improved transmission. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| You get it? | ||
| That's why they killed that motherfucker. | ||
| It's not far away. | ||
| It's local. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's calling them out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he was in direct conflict with all the forces that be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why they killed him. | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| You can't have that. | ||
| Wild boy. | ||
| That's a wild boy. | ||
| He was a wild boy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Andrew Schultz, I love you. | ||
| I appreciate you very much. | ||
| Love you, dawg. | ||
| Congratulations on the success of your special and your podcast and everything. | ||
| I'm in your corner, brother. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| Thank you so much, bro. | ||
| Bye, everybody. |
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