May 5, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:41:57
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| And we're up! | ||
| All day, I've been trying to recover from yesterday, drinking with Stan Hope. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's a fun one to hang out with, huh? | ||
| We did a podcast, like, right when he was coming out of the pandemic, and I think I was probably sober, or mostly sober, during the podcast, and it just didn't, it just felt off. | ||
| It felt clunky. | ||
| And he felt like that, too. | ||
| So I'm like, this one, I'm gonna make sure we do it right. | ||
| And I just got blasted. | ||
| With him. | ||
| We just drank whiskey and got fucked up and talked for like, how long was it? | ||
| Three and a half hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And a couple of pee breaks and just obliterated. | ||
| I don't remember half what we talked about. | ||
| He's so fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Last night was incredible. | ||
| Last night was insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| First of all, let's tell everybody you're going to be in Phoenix this weekend at Stand Up Live, which is an awesome club. | ||
|
unidentified
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And maybe I'll drop in on Friday because I'm going to be there for the UFC. Beautiful. | |
| Let's have some fun. | ||
| We'll have some fun. | ||
| The great and powerful William Montgomery will be there as well. | ||
| And then last night, we do a show at Vulcan, and who goes on stage with us but motherfucking Roseanne Barr. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What a clinic. | ||
| She hadn't been on stage in years. | ||
| In years. | ||
| And she killed just as hard as anybody. | ||
| God, the round of applause she got when she went up there. | ||
| Natural freak talent. | ||
| Killing the whole time. | ||
| Getting little tiny standing ovations throughout. | ||
| Totally like the way she moved, the way she talked, her pacing, her timing felt so natural and conversational. | ||
| But she wasn't even planning on going up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is what's crazy. | ||
| She hadn't gone on stage in years. | ||
| And she did it. | ||
| And then afterwards, she felt fucking great. | ||
| She was hanging out in the green room. | ||
| She was all fired up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she's like, I want to fucking move here! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's the best. | ||
| She belongs here. | ||
| She's the vibe. | ||
| Yeah, well her daughter lives here. | ||
| So I think we got a real good shot of getting her here. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She is... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| House Night was special. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| Doug Stanhope, Ron White, you, Hans Kim, Roseanne Barr, and me. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| What a fucking lineup. | ||
| What a fucking lineup. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| Hey, you want to know something funny about this picture? | ||
| You see that bottle that Stanhope has of mineral water? | ||
| Well, there's cigarettes in there. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A few minutes after this picture was taken, he took a huge gulp of that, forgetting that it was an ashtray. | ||
| And he handled it so funny. | ||
| He made sure everybody knew, and he made a funny face. | ||
| And, like, he really milked it like a real comedian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| We found out yesterday Stanhope had COVID and he never even knew. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, I've been dealing with COVID-like symptoms for the last 30 years. | |
| That's 30 years of being hungover. | ||
| 30 years of being hammered mostly every day. | ||
| The rare breed. | ||
| You know how many comedians fail because he drinks on stage? | ||
| There's so many comedians that think they can drink on stage and do good because of him. | ||
| Or they could be like him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they don't have a point. | ||
| He writes. | ||
| The thing about Doug Stanhope is Doug Stanhope may be a guy who loves to drink. | ||
| Fuck, maybe. | ||
| He's a guy who loves to drink. | ||
| But he also loves to write. | ||
| He writes a lot. | ||
| He's got a laptop, sits down with it, he makes notes, drinks coffee, smokes cigarettes, writes. | ||
| He is dedicated to being a comic and a writer. | ||
| He writes. | ||
| And that's a lot of the guys that go on tour and try to emulate that thing, they leave out part of it. | ||
| They leave out that part. | ||
| I've been into this audiobook by Steven Pressfield, The War of Art. | ||
| I just finished it and now I'm on his other book that he has that's a similar sort of vein. | ||
| It's called Turning Pro. | ||
| But one of the things in Turning Pro, it's like talking about the things that people do to distract them from the work. | ||
| And that one of the things they'll do is that a lot of people who, they romanticize the lifestyle of being like a rock and roll star, right? | ||
| Out on the road, but they're doing the drugs, and they're boozing and partying. | ||
| That's part of the lifestyle, but what they're not doing is the writing. | ||
| They're not doing the work. | ||
| They're not being a pro. | ||
| They're just distracting themselves with the nonsense aspects of it, the partying aspects of it, not the getting better at the art form aspects of it. | ||
| Stanhope has a good balance. | ||
| He writes a lot. | ||
| You see him and he's got points. | ||
| There'll be something new about anything that's going on that's pertinent, that's in the news. | ||
| He's got new bits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What you're saying sort of reminds me of Dave Attell, who, you know, I feel like amongst comedians is considered one of the best in the world right now. | ||
| Well, the best of all time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, he was the party guy forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| The insomniac going out up everywhere. | ||
| And I remember... | ||
| I mean, well, first of all, he's sober now, but I remember when I got to work at the comedy store, when I started working there 15 years ago, I was also working to make extra money at a coffee shop right next to it. | ||
| I would work really, really, really early mornings, like this 6 a.m. | ||
| to 11 a.m. | ||
| shift, because then I would go work phones at the comedy store all day and then at the comedy store at night. | ||
| So I was just working all day. | ||
| Anyway, there was a lot of times where I would be at the comedy store until 2.30 a.m. | ||
| And Attell, if he was visiting from New York, would be there, you know, watching or going up or hanging out or both. | ||
| And I would work these shifts four hours later at Starbucks and he would be there reading the newspaper with a notebook, like literally grinding and grueling out the work. | ||
| Not on his cell phone reading, like absorbing actual paper, you know, reading material and kicking out writing immediately. | ||
| Like someone who's about to start. | ||
| Not like someone who's a 20, 30 year veteran of the game. | ||
| And he takes it that seriously and it shows continuously throughout his work. | ||
| You know, everybody that is great is doing the work. | ||
| Yeah, there's no substitute. | ||
| There's no substitute in the universe rewards you. | ||
| Like, life rewards you for the amount of effort you put into something. | ||
| The amount of tension and focus you put into something will be represented in how good you get at it. | ||
| It doesn't mean that everybody starts from the same place. | ||
| Some people have more natural talent. | ||
| Some people have more natural insight. | ||
| Some people are just funny-er when they start. | ||
| But it is really about the amount of time and focus you put in and how much better you get. | ||
| There's a lot of people that have maybe a natural personality for stand-up, but they're lazy. | ||
| and they don't get much better because they don't write and so they kind of develop this sort of passable act and never really improve upon it because they don't spend the time doing it whereas someone who wasn't as good as them initially will be far better than them at the end yeah it's just time it's It's time and focus. | ||
| I think that would apply to everything. | ||
| I think it would apply to fucking playing the guitar or writing books or whatever the fuck you're doing. | ||
| It's time and effort. | ||
| Time and effort and there's no substitute for those things. | ||
| And thinking. | ||
| And being, you know, really thinking. | ||
| Like being honest about what you're doing. | ||
| Looking at it and go, God, is this good? | ||
| Let me look at this again. | ||
| Let me look at this with fresh eyes. | ||
| Let me go walk around the block and think about it. | ||
| That's part of it, too. | ||
| One of the things that Pressfield talked about is also something that Stephen King would talk about, is that he would write and then he would go for walks. | ||
| After the writing, which is very common amongst writers. | ||
| They like to go for walks afterwards and review the notes in their head. | ||
| And Pressfield would take a little recorder with them, but obviously you could use your phone and just use the voice memos and just talk into your phone and say, you know, I have this thing about page five. | ||
| I feel like this is off or chapter six is, you know, a little flat. | ||
| Maybe this is a new solution. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Walking helps a lot, no doubt. | ||
| It's one of those things that we would do in the writer's room, a bunch of sloppy, lazy, bum writers in the roast writer's room. | ||
| We would have to take a break because the blood just circulates around your head all day. | ||
| And then after four or five hours, especially after lunch, you have to get the things rolling again. | ||
| So yeah, it changes perspective. | ||
| But most importantly, it just really gets the blood flowing. | ||
| Especially after lunch if you're eating bread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Guys who eat sandwiches, like big sub sandwiches for lunch, they're useless after lunch. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| And I remember we used to literally order from a place called, I don't know if it still exists in LA, but it was called It's All About the Bread. | ||
| And it was the thickest... | ||
| Because it was Jeff Ross' show, basically, in his office, and we know, like, anybody that knows anything about Jeff knows he doesn't give a fuck about what he eats. | ||
| Like, he's always smashing food. | ||
| He has the fastest metabolism out of anybody in the world. | ||
| How's that possible? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But he's so big. | ||
| He's big. | ||
| That goes to show you how much he eats. | ||
| I mean, the man is always snacking on something. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just burns it by whatever, thinking all the time or whatever's going on. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| Oh, so there was just no, there was no like, let's eat something healthy today. | ||
| Because like, he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| So we used to order from this place. | ||
| It's all about the bread. | ||
| And we would all crash so hard. | ||
| We would have to drink seven cups of coffee to even come back from it. | ||
| But it was like a drug. | ||
| It's like doing like bread heroin or something in the afternoon time. | ||
| Yeah, sandwiches are the worst for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like a big sub-sandwich, because you think about it, like, when do you ever eat a piece of bread that big? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Never. | ||
| And then a piece of bread that big stuffed with meat and cheese and fucking mayonnaise and shit. | ||
| And this was like a baguette. | ||
| I remember the exterior was hard. | ||
| It was like very textured, like tough, and tons of bread in between the starting point and that hard outer shell. | ||
| Your body has to break all that down. | ||
| It's just glue in your stomach, just clogging up your brain. | ||
| But meanwhile, if Jeff eats something like that, he turns into the Incredible Hulk for like 25 minutes after that. | ||
| Everybody's just dying of laughter about anything, whatever happens. | ||
| He's a special guy. | ||
| So he just gets excited about the food and that makes him happy and then he's funnier. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stan Hope and I were talking about this yesterday because Stan Hope had no idea that he had COVID. We were talking about this, I remember, in the brief flashes that I can remember of our drunken conversation. | ||
| I was like, I wonder how much of a factor stress plays into people getting sick. | ||
| Because how is he okay? | ||
| Stan Hope chain smokes, drinks constantly. | ||
| He's basically my age, a couple months older than me. | ||
| And nothing's wrong with him. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Hasn't been to a doctor in years. | ||
| Like, in forever. | ||
| He goes, why would you go? | ||
| They just fucking give you bad news. | ||
| And he goes, just fucking live until it breaks. | ||
| That's like his thought process. | ||
| Just live until his body breaks. | ||
| It was interesting watching him go face to face with Ron White last night. | ||
| And the first thing that Ron said to him was, Doug, I'm sorry. | ||
| I couldn't fight the fight anymore for us drunks. | ||
| He was apologizing to Doug for having to back out of the game. | ||
| You know, Ron, after 50 years of daily tequila drinking, he's like, I wish I could still be in the fight with you, my friend. | ||
| Meanwhile, here's the thing. | ||
| Just like Dave Attell, Ron White is better than ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ron White is on fire right now. | ||
| He's always been a great comic, but I've never seen him better. | ||
| And I think the same about Dave Attell. | ||
| Dave Attell, when he stopped drinking, I remember his booze in days. | ||
| He was always great, but he's better now. | ||
| He's better now. | ||
| And there's a thing where people think that the booze is what helps them. | ||
| It makes them loose, and it makes them relaxed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it could kind of help a little bit. | ||
| It could get you loose. | ||
| It can. | ||
| But not if it's a problem. | ||
| Not if it's an alcohol problem. | ||
| Not if, like, you need to drink all the time. | ||
| Or you need to be drunk for you to be able to go on stage. | ||
| That's not... | ||
| None of those things are good. | ||
| And the thing is, it wrecks your fucking body, man. | ||
| It wrecks your body. | ||
| It takes away all of your vitality. | ||
| And so when it takes away your vitality, your energy to create is compromised. | ||
| Your energy to just live life and to have inspired thoughts, you're fucking hurting all the time. | ||
| Which is even more impressive how Stan Hope and Ron White were so good for all those years. | ||
| Yeah, it sort of goes both ways. | ||
| I feel like there's almost kind of an art, and we see this, right, with a lot of these guys, that I think there's almost something to the art of getting wasted and laying in bed the next day thinking about what's next. | ||
| I'm not positive of what Chappelle's writing process is at all, but I have a feeling that he's thinking about stuff while recovering the next morning because when else would he do it? | ||
| And by morning, I mean basically afternoon, right? | ||
| Because he goes hard in the paint. | ||
| He has a lot of fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We see it on stage all the time. | ||
| At the comedy store, he would just plow through bottles of Corona. | ||
| Another Corona, another Corona, another Corona, and he stays in the zone. | ||
| He's hilarious, but obviously he's not coming up with this stuff right off the top of his head in the moment. | ||
| The magician always has his stuff set up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So, like, there's almost something to it. | ||
| And I'd be interested to know, maybe you know what Doug's process is, but it seems like laying in bed that next morning with a hangover and thinking of something that really stands out to you might sort of be good for that art form. | ||
| Because if you can make it funny then, if you could think about it then with a headache and your body's sore and you don't want to get out of bed, then it must be funny. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Does that kind of make sense? | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| What Doug does, one of the things that Doug does is his podcast. | ||
| And Doug's podcast is basically, I mean, occasionally he has guests on, but oftentimes it's just him and his buddies, right? | ||
| So they're all hanging around the house and they have, you know, they're at the fun house and they have the setup there. | ||
| And it's basically Doug holding court talking about things. | ||
| And in a similar vein to the way Bill Burr creates on his podcast, because Bill Burr is one of the most prolific comics, and I'm pretty sure the way he writes is he thinks about stuff, he has things that piss him off, and then he goes on his podcast and rants about them. | ||
| And in that ranting, the constant ranting, he creates these things that are like, oh, there's like a glimmer of light in that. | ||
| There's like a beacon of hope in this bit. | ||
| Let me turn that into an actual routine. | ||
| And then I've seen him on stage, and I've seen stuff that I've listened to him talk about on his podcast, he then brings to the stage, and he refines it, and he makes it better. | ||
| Yeah, he's incredible. | ||
| I once made an interesting rookie mistake when I was, again, back when I was a door guy at the store. | ||
| I had never spoken with him before, really. | ||
| And I had never said anything to him. | ||
| And he said hi to me one night after he performed on stage. | ||
| And it absolutely killed so hard. | ||
| I can't remember what the news story was at the time, but something had just happened days earlier and he was killing for 10 minutes about it. | ||
| And he came up and he said hi as I'm on the stool on his way to his car in the parking lot. | ||
| I'm working the back door. | ||
| And since he said hi to me, I decided to engage and I said something like, hey man, I just want to let you know that was amazing up there. | ||
| It's crazy how easily you could take something that just happened and And kill with it like that. | ||
| And he goes, easy. | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| He goes, there's nothing easy about that. | ||
| I've been writing every day since that happened for the last three days from 9 to 4 p.m. | ||
| I've been writing. | ||
| So while you've been doing whatever you've been doing, like nothing is easy. | ||
| There's nothing easy about it. | ||
| I sat down and I wrote all that. | ||
| He taught me an amazing lesson. | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
| I was just trying to give him this compliment, and instead he gave me a really, really great insight on how that world works. | ||
| And you see it with the last dance, Jordan practicing all the time, staying after practice, arriving early to practice. | ||
| It's a constant. | ||
| The same with the Tiger Woods documentary. | ||
| You find out, oh, all he does is practice. | ||
| All these people that do all these things, it's work. | ||
| That's also another book that I've finished again recently that I've reread is Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Putting in the time, like what makes someone exceptional? | ||
| What makes someone stand out from anyone else? | ||
| And one of the things he talked about is the Beatles and how often the Beatles would play when they were in Hamburg, that they would play eight hours a day. | ||
| And they were constantly playing. | ||
| They were constantly playing. | ||
| So when they went back to Liverpool years later, they're like fucking phenomenally better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's just time. | ||
| Time and effort and inspiration and being fired up to do something. | ||
| You know, we were talking about this yesterday that one of the things that happened during the pandemic was a lot of people realized that comedy was almost taken away from everybody. | ||
| Because it was for a little bit. | ||
| There was no comedy for a little bit. | ||
| And that time, it made you really sit and reflect. | ||
| Like, comedy's been a weekly part of our lives except for rare occasions. | ||
| Like, rare occasions where you take a little bit of a time off, you know? | ||
| Yeah, our friends The Nether Hour, they totally started everything that they did together during the pandemic. | ||
| They had never even played together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Those guys? | ||
| And they're like, you're a bass player, you're a... | ||
| No way! | ||
| That's crazy, because those guys are so good together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they have all those original songs and they are writing and performing all the time. | ||
| But when you said that thing about the Beatles in Hamburg, it made me think of that because they were locked in together every single day. | ||
| And all they had were their instruments. | ||
| So what else did they have to do? | ||
| That was it. | ||
| That's where it's at, man. | ||
| It's just getting obsessed with stuff. | ||
| We've been doing so many shows lately. | ||
| Didn't you feel that way in Colorado after we had done four shows on a weekend? | ||
| We're getting locked in. | ||
| Because we're just doing so many sets, so much stage time, and so many people, so many different crowds you're experiencing. | ||
| So we did Sunday, we did Tuesday, Wednesday, and then we flew out to Colorado and did Friday and Saturday in Colorado. | ||
| So just bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| And you did Monday, too, because Kill Tony. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| It's like, you know, we're so lucky, dude. | ||
| Comedy is a fucking amazing thing. | ||
| It really is an amazing thing. | ||
| So much fun. | ||
| So this fucking Dave Chappelle thing is crazy. | ||
| Last night, I guess it was, someone attacked him at the Hollywood Bowl. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| I checked in with him today. | ||
| He was laughing about it. | ||
| He's in good spirits. | ||
| There's a video, actually. | ||
| He was laughing right afterwards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because Jamie Foxx apparently had a cowboy hat and he jumped on stage to help. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha. | |
| Jimmy Fox with a cowboy hat jumped on stage to fuck that dude up. | ||
| The guy was five foot... | ||
| That arm's broken, by the way. | ||
| The arms fucked. | ||
| It's also like the way they led him into the, like when he got into the actual stretcher, you could see he's fucked. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| You can tell the type of beat up that somebody is when they're getting kicked on the ground from different angles by different people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a different type of like beat up look. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You could tell that that left side of his face was the side that was either on the ground or totally away from everything. | ||
| And the other side was getting punched. | ||
| Just everything swollen on the one side. | ||
| Yeah, he's fucked. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You could tell. | ||
| You can always tell because you saw the actual video? | ||
| I saw the video. | ||
| First of all, Dave Chappelle has good hips. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the guy shoots in on him. | ||
| Yeah, he almost sprawled on him. | ||
| And he kind of turned with him. | ||
| He kind of kung-fued him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He came a little like Hedo. | ||
| Have you watched the video? | ||
| As the guy's coming in, he's coming in this way and Dave kind of like turns a little. | ||
| And it's balls too. | ||
| Chappelle's a big boy. | ||
| Bigger than you think he is. | ||
| Well, the guy's crazy, clearly. | ||
| There's something wrong with him. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And I mean, there's just no way to describe how not expecting that you are when you're on stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at him, he just runs away. | ||
| And then the comedian clicks in and he comes back because he's like, wait, it's my mic right now. | ||
| Look at this guy running. | ||
| Oh my god, that guy's never tackled anybody in his life. | ||
| Now, Chappelle almost makes it clear out all the way. | ||
| Yeah, almost. | ||
| If he just had a little training. | ||
| See, that was all an instinct. | ||
| If he just had a little training. | ||
| Imagine if he just punted that dude in the head when he went down. | ||
| Yeah, one of those Masvidal knees. | ||
| There is no security in the front row at this thing. | ||
| There should have been someone there that was scanning the audience for fucking weirdos. | ||
| They're ready to sprint. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Well, we live in strange times, man. | ||
| I mean, after the Chris Rock thing, that was one of the things I was worried about. | ||
| I was like, people are thinking they're going to start smacking comedians now if they don't like what they're saying. | ||
| And what I'm thinking or what I'm worried about is, you know, people think that's justified. | ||
| Like, people keep using the same things. | ||
| I saw an article. | ||
| They said his transphobic statements. | ||
| They're not fucking statements. | ||
| They're jokes. | ||
| They're not jokes that are transphobic either. | ||
| They're jokes that feature trans people. | ||
| They're not transphobic jokes. | ||
| His whole bit in that last special that everybody was mad at is essentially a love letter to his friend that killed herself because she was supporting him and she got attacked on stage. | ||
| The idea that that in somehow or another is transphobic just because he's talking about a trans person is fucking crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they just don't want to be talked about. | ||
| That's essentially what it is. | ||
| Like they're saying it's transphobic if you're even mentioning trans people as a subject, which is bonkers. | ||
| Yeah, because it's really the opposite, right? | ||
| That means that they're equal. | ||
| If you're being included in an American free conversation and obviously a comedy set, Like that means that you're part of the everything else. | ||
| You're now... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, of course, everything's part of the everything else. | ||
| But it's like, if there's stuff that you cannot discuss at all, because it's so hot, the subject can't be brought up. | ||
| Well, this is a nonsense way of communicating. | ||
| You can't communicate like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't say people can't discuss topics or discuss something that is prominent in culture right now. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of discussions about trans rights and about use of bathrooms and about, you know, trans kids and the White House talks about it. | ||
| And Jen Psaki was doing an interview and she was crying about it, sort of misrepresenting what the don't say supposedly don't say gay bill in Florida, which isn't don't don't say gay. | ||
| You know, it's a weird time because we have to be able to look through the fog. | ||
| The fog of the anger that we have for the opposite. | ||
| Or the anger we have for the opponent. | ||
| Because the way that the Democrats and the way that Republicans look at it today... | ||
| There's us and there's them. | ||
| And it's so polarized that anytime something comes up, anything, these subjects, you want to find out what side is on what side of the issue. | ||
| Is my side on this is okay? | ||
| Or is my side on this is a bad thing? | ||
| And that's a lot of what happens with these subjects. | ||
| Instead of just being able to look at things and just honestly discuss things, things get fit into this polarized lens. | ||
| Like, somehow or another, Biden was talking about that today. | ||
| He was talking about He was talking about the Roe vs. | ||
| Wade thing, and he said something like, what's next? | ||
| Are we going to stop LBGTQ kids from going to classes with regular kids? | ||
| And then he said, this MAGA group is the most extreme political group in US history. | ||
| So look at the way he connected those. | ||
| See if you can find that video. | ||
| I believe... | ||
| I can send it to you if you can't find it. | ||
| You got it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| Okay. | ||
| But let me see if it says the whole thing he says about LGBTQ kids first, because that's what he says first. | ||
| I can send it to you, Jamie. | ||
| I have a... | ||
| Okay, let me hear it here. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| State changes the law saying that children who are LGBTQ can't be in classrooms with other children. | ||
| Is that is that legit under the way that the decision is written? | ||
| What are the next things that are going to be attacked? | ||
| Because this mega crowd is really the most extreme political organization that's existed in American history. | ||
| Okay, no, that is that's a crazy connection. | ||
| What he just did is a crazy connection. | ||
| He went from Roe versus Wade, which I don't know what's happening with that. | ||
| I don't know if that's real. | ||
| It's supposedly something was leaked that said they're gonna overturn Roe vs. | ||
| Wade. | ||
| I don't, you know, I don't think that's been substantiated. | ||
| Has that been substantiated? | ||
| I believe it's still, yeah, it was leaked and I don't... | ||
| It's not substantiated though, right? | ||
| As far as like an official decision, yeah, I don't think so. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you have something that has to do with abortion rights. | ||
| So it's women's rights. | ||
| And then how does he connect that to MAGA? Like, how does that, like, look at that way he did that. | ||
| Like saying that you cannot have an abortion, or abortion's not a federally protected thing under Roe vs. | ||
| Wade anymore. | ||
| Going from that to saying, what if they decide to keep LBGTQ kids out of classes to this MAGA crowd, the most extreme political organization in American history. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| How did you get there? | ||
| Right. | ||
| How did you get to MAGA? Yeah, because that's the slogan of his opponent. | ||
| I guarantee you there's some never-Trump Republicans that are pro-life. | ||
| I guarantee you. | ||
| There's people that don't like the way Trump behaves and talks, and they don't think that he's a God-fearing Christian, and there's a lot of those folks out there. | ||
| A ton of them. | ||
| There's a lot of those folks. | ||
| This idea that everybody falls into this... | ||
| It's all the MAGA. It's all the same. | ||
| If you have any Republican viewpoints, or if you have any conservative viewpoints, that's a sneaky way of connecting Any conservative viewpoints with Trump, which is like, you know, half the people are going to hate it. | ||
| If you can convince half the people that any idea is a Trump idea, they will immediately hate it. | ||
| Half the people, right? | ||
| If they're not paying attention, they're just reading headlines. | ||
| Half the people will categorize that. | ||
| That's a Trump idea. | ||
| That's a MAGA thing. | ||
| It's kind of an amazing way to dismiss things now. | ||
| You know, because it used to be people could be conservative. | ||
| They could be like William F. Buckley and they could have conservative debates on television with Gore Vidal and people would think it was normal. | ||
| There's a conservative, there's a liberal, they're discussing issues. | ||
| It's cool to see what resonates with me more. | ||
| Not anymore, baby. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| Because now, because of this whole Trump thing and the MAGA thing, they have, it's not just conservative versus liberal. | ||
| It's like you can put it into this cult of personality, this Trump box, and then you get a 50% return rate on your investment. | ||
| Half the people are going to be like, this is, fuck that, that's a Trump thing. | ||
| That's a MAGA thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's super weird. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I think that he may have said that because maybe he's, you know, preemptively and always, I think he's always going to have to worry about the next election. | ||
| I think he's having a hard time keeping sentences. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he's having a hard time keeping thoughts straight in his head. | ||
| And this is... | ||
| If you know forget about What my feelings are about them putting this guy into the position that he's in which I think was insane I was saying it was insane a couple years ago He's a lot worse now, but the thing that gets me is that this is It's this is just a guy is a human being and we're watching a human beings wiring not work right anymore We're watching bulbs fade out And I think he's having a real hard time putting sentences together. | ||
| Just as a human, you know, like watching him. | ||
| I feel bad for the guy because I feel like, imagine being in that position and this is his moment in the sun. | ||
| The lights are on. | ||
| The preparation's been done. | ||
| All the fucking rehearsals for this. | ||
| The cue cards are written. | ||
| He's ready to give the speech and he's just... | ||
| Barely keeping it together. | ||
| And not only does he never improvise and never go off the script or never, you know, tweet a crazy feeling that he has about something or anything instinctual that's actually him. | ||
| I mean, we can feel that. | ||
| Anybody can notice that. | ||
| But they're using, like, all these little tricks. | ||
| I thought to myself the other day, because I was watching one where he just got out of the helicopter, and it's chaos behind him. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You know how they do these? | ||
| Why do they do that? | ||
| So the parties can't yell questions. | ||
| No, I'm serious. | ||
| If he can't hear, then he really can't hear. | ||
| If he seems overwhelmed, it's because of the sound of the chopper. | ||
| But I'm like, that's how he is in a quiet room on a fake set behind a podium, struggling to answer this, that. | ||
| But they do that a lot. | ||
| Right on the runway, I know. | ||
| They did it with Trump too. | ||
| Yeah, but I think it's a little tricky. | ||
| I think that's what they do when they want to give someone a little bit of an escape, a little bit of an excuse. | ||
| Well, for the longest time, he would just walk away. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They would just ask him questions. | ||
| And then there was no press conferences. | ||
| And I feel bad for that Jen Psaki lady. | ||
| And everybody says she's shrill and the way she communicates. | ||
| But whatever. | ||
| Imagine having that job. | ||
| Fuck that job. | ||
| Because she has to debate with people more than the president does. | ||
| She has to go back and forth with the press. | ||
| And sometimes she says things in confidence. | ||
| But just like being on a fucking podcast. | ||
| Sometimes you say things and you think it's true while you're saying it. | ||
| It turns out it's not, and you represent the President of the United States, and no one's fact-checking you in real time, and it's all happening live on television. | ||
| Yikes! | ||
| Fuck that job. | ||
| Everybody who gets it hates it. | ||
| The only one was good at? | ||
| The last lady with Trump. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Kylie McEnany? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How do you say her name? | ||
| Kaylee. | ||
| Kaylee McEnany. | ||
| She's the best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's the goat at that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because she would have fucking receipts. | ||
| She had like tabs on her notebook. | ||
| She would pull right to like when she knew they were coming with a gotcha. | ||
| Actually, if you would have done your research before asking that question, you would know. | ||
| She took large dumps on Jim Acosta's head. | ||
| Just like, get out of here. | ||
| It's a funny sort of arena, that press and press secretary. | ||
| It's like someone speaking for the president, and supposedly these reporters are speaking for the people. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| It's wild that that's how we figure out what's getting done and what's happening. | ||
| You have to talk to the press secretary. | ||
| Such an old school system for something. | ||
| But it's all this gotcha shit. | ||
| The whole thing is gotcha. | ||
| The press wants to get her and make her look stupid and she wants to show them that she's the girl boss and I have all the facts. | ||
| And here we are. | ||
| She doesn't even circle back anymore. | ||
| Did you notice that? | ||
| She stopped circling back. | ||
| Have you noticed? | ||
| I read something about it. | ||
| It's funny to hear. | ||
| I read something about it. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Maybe it's an article or something. | ||
| And they said something about Jen Psaki not circling back anymore. | ||
| I said, oh yeah, that was her thing. | ||
| Circle back. | ||
| Did she say, like, we'll circle back on that? | ||
| She doesn't say that anymore. | ||
| And I think because people started making fun of it. | ||
| And then also, B, because she doesn't want to circle back. | ||
| Because she would already circle back on those other things. | ||
| Because there was a lot of things she was supposed to circle back on. | ||
| She probably has a fucking to-do list that's a mile long. | ||
| Look at all the circle back stuff I have to get to. | ||
| How long is she circling back before she was in the mainstream media? | ||
| Because that's when she couldn't circle back anymore. | ||
| I just Googled it. | ||
| There's like enough stuff that it's a thing on Etsy. | ||
| You can buy circle back merchandise. | ||
| Oh my God, that's hilarious. | ||
| Oh my God, I need one. | ||
| Oh, they got Circle Back Trump 2024. Super Saki. | ||
| These are great. | ||
| Gotta give her credit for breaking that glass ceiling. | ||
| They normally don't give redheads a position like that. | ||
| Is it a glass ceiling if it's for redheads? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But redheaded girls do not have the stigma that redheaded guys do. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Redheaded guys struggle, unless they're Canelo. | ||
| That's a good looking redhead. | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
| But he became Canelo because he's a redhead. | ||
| You know those Mexican kids picking on him all day. | ||
| A white redheaded Mexican. | ||
| La Rose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, Louis C.K.'s Mexican. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| Did you know that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Louis C.K. was actually born in Mexico. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's actually more Mexican than Carlos Mencia is. | ||
| He talks about that in his specials. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His most recent one? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was like two specials ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Two or three specials ago. | ||
| I think he did. | ||
| I know he's talked about it on stage four. | ||
| He's definitely said it before. | ||
| Because he was actually born in Mexico. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what we should all be paying attention to, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| And this is not saying from a person who's xenophobic. | ||
| I'm not worried about Mexican immigrants. | ||
| I'm worried about Mexican cartels. | ||
| I'm worried about the people that stay in Mexico. | ||
| Like, Mexico is crazy right now. | ||
| I pay attention to quite a few news pages that are covering the cartel wars, and it's wild, man. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| There's all kinds of shootings down there. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| There's shootings in Mexico all the time now, and there's basically gigantic, multi-billion dollar drug rings, and they're going to war with each other. | ||
| And there's a lot of them, folks, because there's a giant market for fentanyl and cocaine and marijuana and everything else that's illegal in the United States. | ||
| That comes up from Mexico and because of our drug laws, this is what finances these organized crime gangs. | ||
| And now they've gotten so big and they're ruthless. | ||
| They don't have laws that they have to uphold. | ||
| It's not like, you know, being a part of Raytheon or being a part of fucking, you know, some other American corporation. | ||
| This is a gang that has billions of dollars. | ||
| It's a fucking drug gang that has billions of dollars. | ||
| And who knows how many sneaky connections with corrupt officials that allow it to exist? | ||
| Who knows how many people are profiting so that this stuff gets into America and keeps being distributed to America? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's right there and nobody's talking about it. | |
| All anybody talks about is the poor people that are trying to sneak across for a better life and how horrible it is that some people don't want them to come across and how compassionate these people that want to help them are. | ||
| That's what the main focus is on. | ||
| But there's also like terrorists sneaking in. | ||
| They've caught terrorists. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's how they're... | ||
| Oh, yeah, they're coming. | ||
| It's a great way to do it. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| I was in Miami last weekend or two weeks ago and hung out with my really good friend who I've known for years and years. | ||
| He's Cuban. | ||
| And he's like, come over Saturday, bring the whole crew. | ||
| And I did. | ||
| We all went, me, William, and we... | ||
| His mom made us this amazing Cuban dinner at this amazing house that they've had forever in Florida. | ||
| It's been in their family for three decades or whatever. | ||
| And it's just the coolest, most homestyle meal. | ||
| And they have a... | ||
| They have a couple cousins who just came from Cuba there. | ||
| And we're talking with them. | ||
| And the rest of the family, mom and my friend, are sort of semi-translating things that they don't get in between. | ||
| Because we're talking about it. | ||
| And they said that they had to go through five countries. | ||
| So they had to whatever over to... | ||
| What is it considered? | ||
| South America? | ||
| Right? | ||
| What's below... | ||
| Well, Cuba's not connected to anything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, not Cuba. | ||
| They had to go due west and come up that way. | ||
| And they said they had to go through five countries. | ||
| So what's south of Mexico? | ||
| Brazil, right? | ||
| Where are we? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they came through Mexico? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| I thought you were saying Cuba. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're from Cuba. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But to get to America. | ||
| They came through Mexico. | ||
| They had to go through Mexico, but to get to Mexico, they had to go through blank, through blank, blank, blank. | ||
| They had to start all the way down there. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| You know, that's what that whole convoy was. | ||
| You remember that giant... | ||
| What would they call it? | ||
| They didn't call it a convoy. | ||
| What would they call it when people were coming up from Mexico? | ||
| They were watching... | ||
| Caravan? | ||
| Caravan? | ||
| So, show that again. | ||
| That map, please. | ||
| When you look at that, these people were coming up. | ||
| See where Mexico is? | ||
| People were coming up from Guatemala, from Honduras. | ||
| They were getting all these people, and they were walking all the way up into Mexico. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, How do you think something like that happens? | |
| How do you think you get all these families and, you know, kids and parents and everyone all together to just start walking up there? | ||
| If we all walk, we're gonna make it. | ||
| Like, how does that work? | ||
| I can't even begin to fathom. | ||
| Who puts that together? | ||
| Is that organizers? | ||
| Is there like a clandestine purpose for something like that? | ||
| Is there someone pulling the strings behind that going, listen, we're going to organize and we're going to get all these people and just bum rush the fence. | ||
| We're going to talk them into it. | ||
| Give them food and water and take care of them along the way. | ||
| And we're going to make a lot of press available to this. | ||
| So they're going to come in and take photos and videos. | ||
| We'll get it all up on the internet and get it all up on YouTube and in the news. | ||
| And then people will know. | ||
| I mean, how do these people know each other in different countries? | ||
| Are they talking online? | ||
| Are they all getting together on Reddit and they're trying to figure out where to meet? | ||
| What are they doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How is this happening? | ||
| Who organizes that? | ||
| And where'd it go? | ||
| Just stopped. | ||
| One of the things that I found extra interesting was the fact that they had to pay... | ||
| There's a certain... | ||
| There's like a ticket fee for America. | ||
| Basically, once they stop you at the thing, what I found out from hanging out with this family, this Cuban family in Miami, was that... | ||
| It's a ticket. | ||
| It's like $15,000. | ||
| I'm like, so what makes the difference? | ||
| So basically you have to have a family member, someone that you can call that's here, like the cousin in Miami, and say, yes, that is my cousin. | ||
| I will take care of them. | ||
| I'll give them a start. | ||
| I have an extra bedroom they can stay in. | ||
| Okay, you can pay the $15,000 to get them over the other end. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So... | ||
| Really, that's the price that America is saying this is the ticket. | ||
| Did you say $15,000? | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's $15,000. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you get hit with that, can you get hit with it more than once? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had to pay 30 because they have two cousins. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it happens quick. | ||
| So what if you get busted a second time? | ||
| Like, is this once you're over here and you pay that fee, now you have to worry about being deported, right? | ||
| How often do people get deported? | ||
| Let's find that out. | ||
| How many people get deported? | ||
| Let's just guess. | ||
| How many people get deported from the United States every day? | ||
| Every day? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| I would say 1,000 a day. | ||
| 1,000 a day? | ||
| That might be high. | ||
| That might be high. | ||
| I'm going to say 500 a day. | ||
| But how many people come in every day, illegally? | ||
| I'd say 1,001. | ||
| I'd say it's more than 1,000. | ||
| I'd say it's more than 1,000 a day. | ||
| Coming in per day has to be at least 2,000. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's probably about right. | ||
| But how do they know? | ||
| Because if they know, if they can count them, they should catch them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you're just counting them as they run across the border, like, hey, that's not helping. | |
| You have a bad system. | ||
| It's like, how do you... | ||
| How do they do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But it's very strange that we're connected with a country that's so completely different. | ||
| I mean, you just walk... | ||
| A certain amount of minutes from San Diego and everyone's in a different country. | ||
| Speaking Spanish, everything's different. | ||
| ICE deportations fell in April to lowest monthly level on record enforcement data shows. | ||
| A year ago. | ||
| A year ago. | ||
| What did it say? | ||
| It was just under 3,000 people for the month. | ||
| Oh, 3,000 deportations. | ||
| For the whole month. | ||
| Yeah, but that's still... | ||
| 3,000 deportations. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| What were we thinking? | ||
| A day? | ||
| We were thinking a thousand a day? | ||
| Is that what you... | ||
| It was 3.2 million during Obama's... | ||
| A day? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| A month? | ||
| The eight years. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Eight years. | ||
| That's why I was going to start doing the math. | ||
| Oh, so it went way up. | ||
| So it went way up. | ||
| During his entire administration, so for eight years, it was three million? | ||
| This data says about two million were deported between 2009 and 16 during the presidency of... | ||
| This is a very bad sentence. | ||
| Bush, comma, about two million people were deported, comma, while between 2009 and 2016. So it's written bad. | ||
| Okay, and so now, what did you say it was? | ||
| It was 2,900 a month? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I guess... | ||
| So it's 36,000 a year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Could be a quarter million for eight years? | ||
| That's way under. | ||
| It's like 10%. | ||
| It's way under. | ||
| So I guess I'm confused. | ||
| And also, how accurate is this? | ||
| I was going to ask you when you were getting into it. | ||
| What reasons deported to where? | ||
| On a plane? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And what I was going to say is, is it lower because of the pandemic? | ||
| That's what I thought that was going to say, but it was... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because clearly... | ||
| Well, during the pandemic is also when there was the whole... | ||
| the scandal about the whole people at the border in cages and shit and all that weirdness. | ||
| Do you remember the Mike Pence one? | ||
| That one always weirded me out, man. | ||
| Mike Pence is down at the border, and all those folks that were immigrants are in cages, and he's walking around, and he's, like, not making eye contact with them, and it looks... | ||
| It looks very strange. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| It struck me as very strange. | ||
| Because it didn't strike me. | ||
| I don't know what his mindset was. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Take a look at this He said we get three tacos a day So look. | ||
| Look at Pence. | ||
| He's looking at the lighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like he's looking like above these people's heads. | ||
| He's not looking at them at all. | ||
| He's just like scanning them as a group and he's got his arms crossed and he's having a conversation with this cop. | ||
| He said, you don't have the space. | ||
| We have watchtowers up here. | ||
| The watchtower is so close to pick anyone that gets rowdy so we can pull them out quickly. | ||
| So they have watchtowers, and they have these people, like, how many dozens in there, fenced into a cage, and Pence isn't even looking at them. | ||
| Look at, he's got his back turned to it. | ||
| That's weird, man. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Like, wouldn't you be... | ||
| You would be, first of all, maybe he feels disrespectful staring at those people, because it is kind of fucked that they can't get out and you're staring at them. | ||
| It's kind of weird. | ||
| It's probably got weird energy. | ||
| But... | ||
| As a human being who's seeing these other human beings that have been captured, wouldn't you feel empathy? | ||
| Wouldn't you feel like, wow, this is a fucked up situation? | ||
| What are these guys running from that it's worth getting arrested here? | ||
| What is life like for them? | ||
| What are they escaping? | ||
| It's so much worse than this, that they're willing to take this chance. | ||
| And our standards and our understanding of what life should be Is so elevated in America that if you look at some of the poorest places in Mexico, they're fucking right there, man. | ||
| They're not far at all. | ||
| Just outside of Tijuana, some incredibly poor areas. | ||
| And you think, like, if you know you're stuck there and you're not going to ever get out and this is just going to be your life forever... | ||
| You'll take some wild ass chances. | ||
| But for a guy like Mike Pence, that's not a neighborhood that exists in his mind. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's not like a place that he can go to. | ||
| Like, oh yeah, I remember when I was a kid and we had a dirt floor and we would try to catch wild chickens because we had no food for dinner and we were thinking about how to sneak over into America someday. | ||
| That's what's going on in these people. | ||
| And there's fucking thousands of them coming across every day. | ||
| Oh, that was the other thing. | ||
| How many illegal immigrants do they estimate coming to America each day? | ||
| Because a lot of... | ||
| Republicans talk about... | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Republicans talk about it a lot and Democrats want to pretend it's no big deal. | ||
| I think the same article is saying that there is 50,000 detained on any given day. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| It goes up and down and it stays at 50. 50,000 a day. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| 50,000 detained. | ||
| Not like... | ||
| Oh, not like arrested. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| Incarcerated. | ||
| Currently incarcerated. | ||
| 50,000 per day. | ||
| How many new ones are coming in, do you think? | ||
| How many people are keeping those cages? | ||
| What do they do when the cages get full? | ||
| Guess what? | ||
| It's your lucky day, Tony. | ||
| We can only keep 50,000 in this cage. | ||
| So you are 50,001, so we're going to give you a bus ticket to... | ||
| Tacoma. | ||
| Go to Washington State. | ||
| Nearly 6,000 undocumented immigrants apprehended daily at US-Mexican border in April. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| 6,000 a day. | ||
| That's bigger than the crowd that we had in Colorado. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| For each show a day. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That many people. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| That's wild, dude. | ||
| That's a lot of people. | ||
| Crazy times. | ||
| That's a good way to look at it, right? | ||
| Because we've done 6,000 seat arenas and theaters and you could see it in your head what 6,000 looks like. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| But of course they are. | ||
| Of course they're doing that. | ||
| Anybody that doesn't think they should be doing that, you don't live there. | ||
| If you lived there, you would think you should be doing that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Recently, an average of around 1,500 people daily have evaded law enforcement at the border. | ||
| The number of so-called gotaways that the agency detects through a variety of technological and other tracking efforts, according to the official. | ||
| I don't like the way they're saying that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Fucking satellites watching the border? | ||
| It's all... | ||
| I mean, if you were... | ||
| Of the Tim Foyle hat. | ||
| You know, if you were of that persuasion, you would look at this and you'd go, you guys, why haven't you fixed that? | ||
| Do you want people to come across? | ||
| Do you want it to be easy? | ||
| Is that how the drugs get over here? | ||
| Like, what is... | ||
| How do the drugs get over here? | ||
| They bust them with tunnels every now and again, which are wild. | ||
| The one that they found in Tijuana, did you see that one? | ||
| It was the most sophisticated drug tunnel they've ever discovered. | ||
| It had lights. | ||
| Where did it go to? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| There's quite a few of them, though. | ||
| They find them all the time. | ||
| Because you have to realize the amount of money that the cartel has, or the cartels, excuse me, have. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| And they're selling billions and billions of dollars worth of drugs every year. | ||
| They're selling fentanyl, and they're selling fake Xanax, and they're selling... | ||
| And, you know, it's just... | ||
| There's a never-ending thirst to escape your normal state of consciousness. | ||
| And all they have to do is get us the supplies. | ||
| And they can have helicopters and hippos and tanks. | ||
| Machine guns. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a tunnel. | |
| I don't know how long it was. | ||
| Record long tunnel found on U.S.-Mexico border. | ||
| How long was it? | ||
| Does it say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was trying to find more information about... | |
| It's so funny how easy it is to get into Mexico. | ||
| You're just like, hi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi. | |
| You just wave. | ||
| Hi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi. | |
| Mariana Van Zeller, she's a woman that, she's been on my podcast a couple of times, and she has this show. | ||
| What's her new show called? | ||
| Trafficked? | ||
| Trafficked, yeah. | ||
| And 180 foot long subterranean tunnel found in Mexicali, Baja, California, near the border. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But she, what was I going to say about her? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Drugs. | ||
| Mexico. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Traffic. | ||
| I'm trying to remember what my point was. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I lost it. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's Mike Tyson marijuana. | ||
| I blame the Mike Tyson marijuana. | ||
| That stuff's strong. | ||
| Ridiculously strong. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| Goddammit, I don't remember what my point was. | ||
| My point was something about marijuana and getting it into the country, drugs. | ||
| How easy it is to get in to Mexico? | ||
| Oh, that's what it was. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| One of the episodes, she worked with these dirty cops, and they were bringing guns to the cartel from California. | ||
| So these dirty cops were selling, and they had been selling for years, AK-47s, machine guns, pistols, everything, selling it to the cartel. | ||
| And so she films these people. | ||
| They're all blurred out. | ||
| They open up the trunk of their car, and it's filled with illegal guns. | ||
| That they've confiscated and then they sell and then these dirty cops drive through the border into Mexico and they make millions of dollars selling these guns to the cartels It's wild dude. | ||
| It's wild because it's so easy to get into Mexico So you just have a truckload of fucking illegal guns nobody gives a fuck go through Go ahead. | ||
| Hi! | ||
| Enjoy your tacos. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Have fun in Tulum. | ||
| Just wave. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| You just get right through. | ||
| But coming back up, they check your asshole with a microscope. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They fucking cut your tires open and find cocaine in them. | ||
| They have dogs sniff your car. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They find a seed. | ||
| They find something, those dogs, man, those fucking dogs that they use for those, they have a dog that's like, they're specific to a smell. | ||
| So whatever that smell is, that dog's getting a treat. | ||
| So if it's fentanyl, they just move around that car and they're like, this fucking trunk is dirty! | ||
| And then pull you over and you're done. | ||
| There's so many people trying to get into the United States border every day in that line. | ||
| It's such a slow-moving line. | ||
| But the one in New Mexico, whew, just trunks full of guns. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| Because that's how they get their guns. | ||
| You've got to think, man, if you're working for the police, and you're a dirty cop, and you know people that are in the cartel, or you know a connection to someone who's in the cartel, and they tell you, hey, I'll give you $50,000 for an AK-47. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| When you're talking about someone who has that kind of money, it's like Jeff Bezos type money, but they're just selling fentanyl. | ||
| And they need AK-47. | ||
| So I could give you a lot of money for it. | ||
| What does it cost normally? | ||
| Five grand? | ||
| I'll give you ten times that. | ||
| That's all they'd have to do. | ||
| And people would get together and they'd go, look, we got one trunk full. | ||
| That's half a million dollars. | ||
| Let's fucking go. | ||
| Let's fucking go. | ||
| Cash. | ||
| Cash. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Cash. | ||
| And we could do this once a month. | ||
| And the next thing you know, we're making fucking six million dollars a year. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| What about what if we get caught? | ||
| You know, there'll be those kind of conversations, but a lot of people must be doing it. | ||
| I wonder how they get their stuff. | ||
| I bet a lot of it comes from China, right? | ||
| Like, that's where a lot of the fentanyl chemicals come from. | ||
| The stuff that they use to make fentanyl, all the precursors and all that shit. | ||
| That stuff comes from China. | ||
| But China probably works with them. | ||
| Like, I think there's probably people in China that most certainly would do business in Mexico to sell illegal drugs to the United States. | ||
| Wouldn't you? | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| You could poison your enemy from right underneath it, like literally in its basement. | ||
| Like poison the enemy by just getting more and more fentanyl and more and more hard drugs into the kids. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| Meanwhile in China, you get on TikTok and they're showing athletic achievements, science accomplishments. | ||
| You know, they're showing people, you know, how to create and how to be inspired and how to really contribute to your country. | ||
| Their big moves, the big movies rather, are all movies where a Chinese guy kicks the shit out of an American. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Are we the bad guy over there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| We're not just the bad guy. | ||
| In Spider-Man, the recent Spider-Man, when they tried to send it over to China, China did not want the scene where they fought on the Statue of Liberty. | ||
| They didn't want the Statue of Liberty in there. | ||
| Like, take it out of the movie. | ||
| Did they take it out? | ||
| And Marvel's like, no. | ||
| Marvel said, no. | ||
| We're drawing a line in the sand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Because China dictates a lot of stuff in terms of what gets done in movies. | ||
| They change scripts for the way that Chinese people, if they say they're not going to buy this or they're not going to allow it in their market, because they cannot allow a movie. | ||
| If there's a movie that the Chinese government doesn't approve of, they go, fuck that movie. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| You don't get in. | ||
| And then, if you're a movie business, the amount of money... | ||
| One thing we found after John Cena apologized to China in Mandarin, we looked it up. | ||
| The amount of money that that movie made opening weekend... | ||
| In China was the vast majority of the money. | ||
| It was something like they made $160 million opening week and 140 of it was from China. | ||
| And I was like, oh no. | ||
| You hear that and you go, oh wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Anybody will apologize in Mandarin. | ||
| Oh, I'll learn Mandarin. | ||
| I'll learn the shit out of some Mandarin. | ||
| What does it say here? | ||
| Domestic. | ||
| Is this from that movie? | ||
| So this is like total. | ||
| Is that opening week? | ||
| Or that's total domestic? | ||
| It's just total. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So it says worldwide... | ||
| Yeah, so this was early on. | ||
| Worldwide, it says 721. At one point in time, the... | ||
| If you look up when John Cena apologized opening weekend profits China, because that was when... | ||
| So either way, that... | ||
| It wasn't open anywhere else there. | ||
| Oh, is that what it is? | ||
| Right, but that's also another reason why he has to apologize to China, because that's all their money. | ||
| If they pull it out of China, they're fucked. | ||
| But actually, you know what? | ||
| At this point in time... | ||
| I feel like if something like that happened, and they pulled it out of China, and everybody heard they pulled it out of China, and then it became like a big thing, it'd probably be amazing publicity. | ||
| It has it broken down by country. | ||
| China was $215 million of opening weekend screens, 240,000. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So opening weekend was $128 million, whereas the whole thing was like 140 or 160. I forget the whole number. | ||
| The whole entire opening weekend, most of it was coming out of China. | ||
| But that doesn't make sense if China was open and the rest of the world wasn't. | ||
| What movie is it again? | ||
| Fast and Furious. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| It's like, look how much money that movie makes in other countries. | ||
| Except Uruguay. | ||
| Uruguay gave it like $18,000. | ||
| Scroll up a little bit. | ||
| No, back to where it was. | ||
| So it was 18 grand. | ||
| Oh, Switzerland. | ||
| Italian-speaking Switzerland. | ||
| It only made 18 grand. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Italian-speaking Switzerland? | ||
| What? | ||
| How that is so fucking specific? | ||
| Five screens. | ||
| Yeah, five screens. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But it's funny how those movies, those shoot-em-up explosion, fuck you, look at my biceps movies, those movies kill it in other countries. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People love that shit. | ||
| Die Hard's world famous. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Well, but Die Hard was still world famous in America. | ||
| Die Hard's kind of a holiday movie. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's a Christmas movie. | ||
| A lot of ways. | ||
| It's kind of like a little bit of the Scrooge aspect of it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You got a guy who's like losing his family because he's a piece of shit and realizes it and saves the day and becomes a hero in the end. | ||
| Let's get the hero's journey all written into it. | ||
| There's some tricky little secret Christmas movies out there. | ||
| Do you know Edward Scissorhands is a Christmas movie? | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like a Christmas movie. | ||
| I can't remember why I know that, but I remember the last time I saw it, I'm like, this is crazy. | ||
| This is a Christmas movie. | ||
| You know what's great? | ||
| It's A Nightmare Before Christmas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a great movie. | ||
| You want to know what's really great, though? | ||
| And I can't remember. | ||
| I think we talked about this. | ||
| I can't remember whether you said you saw it or didn't see it, but Mel Gibson plays Santa Claus. | ||
| No, I haven't seen it. | ||
| Is it really good? | ||
| I can't wait until next Christmas only to watch this movie in like a Christmassy vibe again. | ||
| And I just saw it this past one and it is so cool. | ||
| It's like he actually plays like the most badass Santa of all time who's actually, you know, at the North Pole and is a real guy. | ||
| Dude, it's the coolest. | ||
| It is like John Wick meets Christmas. | ||
| Yeah, I saw the preview for it. | ||
| It looked pretty funny. | ||
| And the way that they have just enough Christmas magic in it mixed with all these crazy guns. | ||
| And he has a serious threat. | ||
| Like, military-grade threat. | ||
| Santa Claus drives a red old pickup truck. | ||
| That's Santa Claus? | ||
| Dude, it's so cool. | ||
| They made him like a real guy. | ||
| I'm glad Mel Gibson made a comeback. | ||
| I was bummed out at him getting arrested and saying a bunch of wild shit about Jews. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| I love his work. | ||
| He's a hell of a movie maker. | ||
| I mean, he's a crazy dude, but I think you need to be crazy to be that good of an actor. | ||
| Watch him in Braveheart and tell me what sane guy you want playing that role. | ||
| There's certain moments that could be achieved in film only through mad men and mad women. | ||
| You need wild people. | ||
| Watching Roseanne last night made me feel that at a thousand miles an hour, right? | ||
| I'm thinking to myself, well, this It's been a while since she's done it. | ||
| She's one of the goats. | ||
| But it's been a while since she's done it. | ||
| And also, people say she's crazy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And she's up there so this could go off the rails quick. | ||
| And it made every single second that much more enjoyable. | ||
| Because you're like, holy shit, she's doing it. | ||
| Oh my god, she's got it. | ||
| And then at one point, not to give anything away, but she ends up saying, I'm crazy. | ||
| And you're like, oh my god, she knows. | ||
| It's just that vibe... | ||
| Of great pure stand-up comedy where you're like, oh my god, she's saying what we're all thinking at the moment that we're thinking it. | ||
| And like, you know, just brilliant flow. | ||
| Crazy, man. | ||
| No, she's awesome. | ||
| But she is insane. | ||
| But in a good way. | ||
| But yeah, like, but with acting, it's also, it's not, it's a different kind of thing, right? | ||
| Because you're pretending that you're really emotionally connected to this scene that you're having with this other person. | ||
| You're screaming at them and like, Like Daniel Day-Lewis. | ||
| The guy's gotta be out of his mind. | ||
| Gotta be out of his mind. | ||
| Like, for him to play that I Drink Your Milkshake guy in There Will Be Blood, for him to play that guy, that guy is one of the most complex, terrifying, and yet sympathetic characters. | ||
| Like, what an insane character. | ||
| And the way he played it, believable for every second of every frame of every part of the movie that you show. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Like, think of fucking Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross when he reads off that Coffees for Closers. | ||
| That's a mean man right there. | ||
| That's a guy like, play that. | ||
| That's a motherfucker who knows how to be mean. | ||
| Like, that's mean for real. | ||
| You know, like, he's pulling into some... | ||
| I mean, Kevin Spacey was mesmerizing in House of Cards. | ||
| I don't think you can get a person who's not crazy to play crazy as good as an Alec Baldwin can play crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Down Coffee's for closers only but You think I'm fucking with you? | |
| It's young, handsome Alec Baldwin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| I am not fucking with you. | ||
| I'm here from downtown. | ||
| I'm here for Mitch and Murray. | ||
| And I'm here on a mission of mercy. | ||
| Your name's Levine? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amen. | ||
| You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch? | ||
| I don't gotta listen to this shit. | ||
| You certainly don't, pal. | ||
| Because the good news is you're fired. | ||
| The bad news is you've got all you've got just one week to regain your job, starting with tonight. | ||
| Starting with tonight's sit. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Have I got your attention now? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Because we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. | ||
| As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. | ||
| Anybody want to see second prize? | ||
| Second prize, a set of steak knives. | ||
| Alright, we get it. | ||
| It's not as good as I thought it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess you gotta see it in the whole context of the movie. | |
| I felt like it was... | ||
| I haven't seen it in so long. | ||
| But it's also just part of it. | ||
| It gets heated up towards the end. | ||
| But to be one of those people... | ||
| Whether it's Mel Gibson or any of these actor types that are just insanely good in a movie. | ||
| You gotta be a little crazy. | ||
| Insanely good. | ||
| Makes you wonder what we don't know. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These people, like, I mean, even that! | ||
| Talk about insane and doing good in a movie. | ||
| I didn't see the movie, but... | ||
| Clearly, one of the most obvious signs of mental illness that we've seen lately, publicly, is Will Smith, in my opinion, slapping Chris Rock from the front row, walking over and doing that. | ||
| And then 30 minutes later, he won Best Actor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I think that's exactly what we're talking about here, right? | ||
| Exactly what we're talking about. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's an amazing actor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, he shows emotion in his films. | ||
| It's so real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So wild. | ||
| The guy's probably always on the verge of crying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's probably a mess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, I mean, the way his wife smiled after Chris Rock got slapped, the whole thing was just, oh my god. | ||
| Like, he's under a spell. | ||
| He's being captured by witchcraft. | ||
| It's creepy. | ||
| He's the fucking one of the biggest movie stars ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And lives in hell. | ||
| Television stars ever. | ||
| And lives in hell. | ||
| You see that video where she was following him around the house, like filming him? | ||
| And he's like, don't use me for clout. | ||
| My social media is like very important to me. | ||
| And she turns the camera herself like... | ||
| Like, as if... | ||
| And she put that up. | ||
| As if people are not going to watch that and go, are you fucking crazy? | ||
| Here's another example. | ||
| Johnny Depp's and Amber Heard's trial. | ||
| Like, whoa. | ||
| You feel jealous that some people are movie stars? | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| You want to know what they're like behind the scenes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when this one witch convinces this super millionaire to not sign a prenup? | ||
| So she can weasel all the money out of him and throws a fucking glass bottle and cuts his finger off, beats him up and then goes to the press and tells everybody that Johnny beat her. | ||
| Lies and says that she had to use a specific makeup to cover up all the abuse that he gave her. | ||
| And the makeup company says, we didn't even make that makeup back then. | ||
| She got so specific, which is something that people who are full shit do. | ||
| They add a lot of unnecessary details. | ||
| If she just said I had to put makeup on to cover up, she'll have like a very specific makeup. | ||
| She's on the stand right now. | ||
| Oh, let me hear this. | ||
| Give me something. | ||
| This is live. | ||
| I have no idea what they're talking about. | ||
| Give me something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That, you know, I didn't... | |
| I didn't... | ||
| Internalize like I didn't make that big of a deal of it. | ||
| I'm you know, I've kind of pride myself on being tough and You know, I don't make a big deal out of You know smaller injuries and I know that sounds horrible because it and hard maybe to understand but I mean my best way to cope with it is I kind of You know, | ||
| minimize it, make sure no one, make sure he knows that I'm tough and can't knock me down and make a joke of it, clearly. | ||
| Make light. | ||
| I'm going to... | ||
| Michelle, if you can take this one down and... | ||
| I've seen enough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was examined by some psychologist that said she may have some sort of borderline personality disorder. | ||
| That was like during the trial. | ||
| Was it Johnny Depp's guy or was it an independent person that examined her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because it was Johnny Depp's guy, I tell you, with a little grain of salt. | |
| In this article on NPR, she spoke on her own behalf after her legal team presented a clinical psychologist who said she was diagnosed with panic disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. | ||
| That's something different. | ||
| Yeah, that's different. | ||
| This is a couple of days ago. | ||
| Some said they diagnosed her. | ||
| So, Depp is suing her for $100 million in defamation. | ||
| He won't let it go. | ||
| This has been going on for years. | ||
| He won't let it go. | ||
| He's hounding her. | ||
| Now he's actually got her on stage. | ||
| And the thing is, on the stand, you see how crazy she is, and also you get to hear the recordings of how crazy she is. | ||
| Like, the recorded audio of them fighting is fucking hell. | ||
| It's hell. | ||
| It's just straight hell. | ||
| You just imagine being trapped in that Fucked up relationship just going oh my god and So everybody now knows the truth. | ||
| They now know this isn't like some like Some nice person was involved in this mean person the mean person hit the nice person and the nice person is just trying to get by That's not what's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| This was like two insane people involved in a relationship where Johnny was famous from the time he's 20 years old, right? | ||
| Like how? | ||
| How do you figure that out? | ||
| How do you navigate life like that? | ||
| What are your tools that make you different than everybody else who's ever been famous when they're really young? | ||
| Because they all develop fucked up. | ||
| And then her. | ||
| Psychologists hired by Johnny Depp testified that Amber Heard has borderline personality disorder. | ||
| Shannon Curry said she believes Heard was grossly exaggerating when asked about having PTSD symptoms. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's a thing that people can just say, like anxiety. | ||
| I have anxiety. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who doesn't? | |
| Who the fuck doesn't have anxiety? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And what are you doing with your time? | ||
| Are you just laying around your house all day? | ||
| Yeah, no wonder you have anxiety. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| That's not normal. | ||
| Like, if you go to the gym every day and, you know, you take a class and you work out hard or you go for a mile run and you fucking do some sit-ups and push-ups and then you have anxiety? | ||
| Let's talk. | ||
| Because you might actually have anxiety. | ||
| But if you're just laying around... | ||
| I know people that say they have anxiety, and I'm like, what'd you do today? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Couldn't get off the couch. | ||
| What? | ||
| How'd you get here? | ||
| On my phone all day. | ||
| How'd you get here if you couldn't get off the couch? | ||
| How were you here? | ||
| You got off the couch. | ||
| Well, I couldn't earlier. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Well, I guess you're powerless. | ||
| Couldn't get off the couch. | ||
| You could get off the fucking couch. | ||
| You just tell yourself when you go to bed, go to bed at whatever time you go to bed. | ||
| Say, I'm going to get up at whatever time. | ||
| I'm going to eat breakfast at this time. | ||
| And then at that time, I'm going to exercise. | ||
| And just do it. | ||
| Just do it. | ||
| Sucks. | ||
| Don't want to do it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Just go through the motions. | ||
| Don't even have to go through it that hard. | ||
| Just get a sweat going. | ||
| Get going. | ||
| I guarantee you. | ||
| Once you start moving, it'll be easier. | ||
| And once you start sweating, it'll be easier. | ||
| And then, then, and only then, tell me how you really feel. | ||
| Because you don't even know how you feel. | ||
| You know how you feel when you don't do anything. | ||
| You know how you feel when you don't do anything and you lay around and you feel like shit? | ||
| Yeah, duh. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I feel like shit. | ||
| I do things every day. | ||
| But if I don't do things every day, I'll feel like shit. | ||
| That's how it works for people. | ||
| That's what makes a person. | ||
| I like to live both sides of it sometimes. | ||
| Well, you like a little relaxation, but you work hard. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Today I have scheduled a... | ||
| It's May 4th, so there's a special Star Wars hot yoga going down tonight. | ||
| Downtown Austin that I'm going to be taking part in. | ||
| No shame in my game. | ||
| May the 4th be with you. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I forgot about that. | ||
| That's today. | ||
| I'm pumped about that. | ||
| That's been fun lately. | ||
| Hot yoga is crazy, man. | ||
| Yeah, it is crazy. | ||
| Hot yoga is the best. | ||
| It is a miserable, miserable hour in which, just like any workout, that first 10 minutes is like, what am I doing? | ||
| This was a mistake. | ||
| And then something clicks in and it just... | ||
| And if you can make that 30, you know, that last 30 minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Last 30 minutes is rough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We do a 90-minute yoga class, and it's 105 degrees. | ||
| The last 30 minutes is fucking rough. | ||
| And you're dripping. | ||
| Continuous drips. | ||
| I looked the other day, and there was a moment where I saw five drops come off me at once. | ||
| Whatever I was doing, and I'm like, maybe I'm going too hard. | ||
| Maybe this is too much. | ||
| And then immediately I'm like, nah, come on. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| What, are you going to die? | ||
| Do you bring a hydro flask with you filled with ice water? | ||
| Just a regular bottle of water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah? | |
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| It gets warm throughout. | ||
| Dude, listen to me. | ||
| I wish I should do something better. | ||
| I got, when I used to go to Bikram's in Agora, I got one of these 64-ounce hydro flasks. | ||
| It's this big-ass jug. | ||
| And I fill it up with ice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then I fill it up with water. | ||
| And it's so fucking hot in there, the ice melts in the water. | ||
| And the water is perfectly cold. | ||
| It's like a perfect balance of having enough ice and enough water and keep it in there. | ||
| Dude, that's the move. | ||
| Because it's too fucking hot. | ||
| You need cold water. | ||
| Or you're going to have less effort. | ||
| I want to put out maximum effort. | ||
| So when I have some water, I want to have a little cold water. | ||
| Or a little ice in my water. | ||
| I'm more used to it now though because of sauna. | ||
| Like I can do a yoga session easier now than ever before. | ||
| Just I'm so used to being under heat exposure that 105 degrees doesn't feel that bad. | ||
| Like my body can get back to normal easier. | ||
| It's weird like that. | ||
| Your body's adaptable to heat. | ||
| They also turn on the humidity in those things, though. | ||
| There's an extra oomph to it. | ||
| In the hot yoga room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's been a couple times where they're like, the heat's working today, but the humidity machine is off. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's getting repaired, and it was a noticeable difference. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easier. | |
| Oh yeah, with just heat. | ||
| When you add humidity, which this place is like, I go to the place that's like famous for being torturous. | ||
| Like you're supposed to like, they want to kill you. | ||
| And you're supposed to sort of take breaks throughout. | ||
| And they tell you that it's okay. | ||
| Like don't go passing out to be a legend. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, take a break if you need it. | ||
| And uh... | ||
| What was I just saying? | ||
| Yoga. | ||
| Hot yoga. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Torture. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Mike Tyson wheat. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| This is Mike Tyson's wheat. | ||
| It really, really is crazy. | ||
| It's called the toad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like the guy that sat behind him on that airplane right now. | ||
| Beat up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, yeah, hot yoga for yourself. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| It's one of the best things ever. | ||
| And it also, like, if you can get through it, man. | ||
| I used to go there and there was this old lady that would go. | ||
| And I think she was, like, deep into her 70s. | ||
| And that lady was tough as nails. | ||
| She went through every fucking class. | ||
| She was there every day I was there. | ||
| She was always doing it. | ||
| All the dudes in the class, they're like older guys that look young. | ||
| So I'm like, I have to be doing this right. | ||
| This has to be the correct move. | ||
| These guys all seem happy. | ||
| They seem zen. | ||
| They're not annoying. | ||
| It's like, you know. | ||
| So you have to be resilient to be able to get through one of those classes. | ||
| With that said, I have the craziest pet peeve. | ||
| You're not supposed to talk in a yoga room, you know? | ||
| And sometimes people will be talking. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| Oh, it drives me crazy. | ||
| Don't talk. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's almost like Curb Your Enthusiasm style because I'm deciding, do I want to say, shh? | ||
| Do I want to say, hey? | ||
| I'm trying to figure out. | ||
| And then I say nothing and the instructor comes in and I'm like, I let them get away with that. | ||
| It sort of bothered me. | ||
| Oh, you mean the beginning of the class before the class? | ||
| Yeah, right before the class. | ||
| And it even says on the door, like you're entering a silent zone or whatever it says. | ||
| There's a yoga word for it, whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it is so annoying. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The worst is when someone starts asking you questions. | ||
| So then they start forcing you into a conversation while you're trying to be in your calm, zen mind, getting ready for your yoga class. | ||
| Because getting ready for a yoga class is a lot like getting ready for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| You've got to warm up a little. | ||
| You've got to prepare yourself because you're going to go through some shit. | ||
| You've got to get ready. | ||
| You've got to psychologically prepare yourself. | ||
| If someone's like, hey man, did you see fucking Yellowstone last night? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Ugh. | ||
| And it's even worse if they're not talking to you, kind of. | ||
| Because in there, it's affecting you just as much as if they were talking to you. | ||
| But now you get to hear two dumb sides of a conversation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, no, I didn't see Yellowstone, but I DVR'd it. | |
| My DVR's not working right now. | ||
| I'm like, what is going on here? | ||
| Are you people crazy? | ||
| Like, if you're talking here, you must be talking everywhere 100% of the time continuously. | ||
| About nothing. | ||
| Movie theaters, people that talk in movie theaters. | ||
| Ooh, that's another one. | ||
| Oh, that's a rough one. | ||
| And not just that, but they text in movie theaters, so their phone lights up. | ||
| So you see them in front of you, and you see a phone lighting up, and you're like... | ||
| That's the thing about going to a movie theater is it makes a movie better if everybody's good. | ||
| Especially a comedy. | ||
| I remember I went to see Something About Mary. | ||
| We saw it in the movie theater. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| Steve Sharippa said it best. | ||
| He said they were killing like a comic was on stage. | ||
| That's what the new Jackass movie was like in theaters. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And I kept thinking it throughout the whole time. | ||
| The first five minutes in, I'm like, wow, this feels like a stand-up show. | ||
| It has beats, continuous, absolute continuous beats, moments that are funny. | ||
| I need to see it. | ||
| Some moments to different people. | ||
| It's so epic because they have a budget now. | ||
| Like they get to do whatever they want now. | ||
| I can't believe that Johnny Knoxville, after breaking his dick, still does those stunts. | ||
| His dick's broken, right? | ||
| I don't want to give anything away, but chaos happens in this one. | ||
| Doesn't he need to use a pump on his dick because he broke it in one of those stunts? | ||
| Well, I don't know about that. | ||
| Did you hear that? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A pump? | |
| To pump out what? | ||
| To get his dick hard. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, something went wrong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Bro, they get hurt. | ||
| Like, real hurt, for real. | ||
| Like, hit by bulls hurt. | ||
| Stomped. | ||
| You know, the kind of hurt where you could die. | ||
| Johnny Knoxville, on the time he broke his penis, so much has been said about so little. | ||
| What a great line! | ||
| Stunt performer tried to perform a backflip on a motorcycle in 2007 when the bike flew into the air and landed on his crotch. | ||
| The subsequent injury to his penis meant that he had to use a catheter for three and a half years. | ||
| Holy fuck, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I broke my gym dog a number of years ago. | ||
| He calls his dick his gym dog. | ||
| I broke my gym dog a number of years ago. | ||
| It's been well documented. | ||
| So much has been said about so little. | ||
| The injury was no close call to adding. | ||
| The doctor said a couple of centimeters down, it would have been out of commission. | ||
| But I've had two children since then, so it's in great working order. | ||
| Okay, so the thing about him having a pump is bullshit. | ||
| So it's the catheter. | ||
| It's like one of those things. | ||
| Look at him up there. | ||
| That's the new one. | ||
| Oh, gee, he gets hit by a bull in the new one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they pay homage to the time that the bull knocked him out before in this time. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Yeah, spoiler alert. | ||
| This time it's worse. | ||
| No, I don't want to hear that. | ||
| But it's great. | ||
| It's great, though. | ||
| He's out of his fucking mind, man. | ||
| Look at Wee Man's face when this is happening in the corner. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| This is so unnecessary. | ||
| Those guys, I'm telling you, this one is a masterpiece. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| I've heard nothing but good things. | ||
| Nothing but good things. | ||
| Jesus Christ, man. | ||
| What were you talking about before we talked about John Cassidy? | ||
| Uh, comedies. | ||
| Comedy movies. | ||
| Oh, yeah, seeing something in a movie theater, it's like you get that thing of, like, going to see a comic in a club. | ||
| We're all laughing together, this contagious laughter, you know? | ||
| But the problem is, like, some people just, especially in this day and age where people are so damn addicted to their devices, they can't not look at their phone for an hour and a half. | ||
| They have to check their phone. | ||
| They have to be texting in the middle of it, and they don't even have night mode on, so they turn the phone on. | ||
| It's blinding white, and you see it all around you while you're watching. | ||
| You have to kind of, like, ignore this half of your eyesight. | ||
| And out here in Austin, there's... | ||
| Almost exclusively only theaters that have waiters and waitresses. | ||
| It's really different here. | ||
| It's an Alamo draft house tradition that sort of started here and now the other places all do it. | ||
| So when that happens... | ||
| It even gets a little bit crazier because now people pull out their phones to look at their receipt or to look at the menu or to look at their bill or whatever. | ||
| And so it happens. | ||
| And they do that 15 minutes before the movie ends or whatever. | ||
| So it's sort of comedy clubby in that way, movie theaters here. | ||
| You almost need like a chin strap type baseball hat deal. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be good. | ||
| A little shelf that comes up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just like how a baseball hat blinds out the sun. | ||
| You need a chin strap deal so you can watch a movie without looking at anybody's phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I don't want to see your bullshit. | ||
| Something that comes up to, like, right here. | ||
| So you can just watch the whole screen and nothing but the screen. | ||
| It's actually not a bad idea. | ||
| But you know if you did that, someone would leave their phone on and they wouldn't be able to get to it. | ||
| Sorry, the shelf is up right now. | ||
| Just be ringing. | ||
| They make these goggles for basketball so that when you dribble, you don't look down. | ||
| That would probably be the exact same thing. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Is that for drills? | ||
| Yeah, it cuts off like half your vision. | ||
| Have you ever done it? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| That sounds like a yes. | ||
| I mean, these didn't exist when I was like 12 and needed to practice dribbling like this. | ||
| There was something very close to it, but not quite like that. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Well, that seems to be a thing that would benefit from just like consistent repetition, dribbling, like knowing the exact reaction the ball's going to have so you know where it's going to be when you're moving around. | ||
| You know, yeah, you don't want to look at that, I would imagine. | ||
| And I imagine you could get away without, like a guy who's really good at cards. | ||
| They can right in front of you. | ||
| They just have a feel for it. | ||
| They don't have to think about it. | ||
| That's what's so amazing about people, is that we can learn shit. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's really amazing. | ||
| Like, when you watch someone who's really good at something, and you watch they learn, especially if it's something that you can't do, like fucking gymnastics or something, watch them perform some floor routine, and you go, wow! | ||
| Like, look what you figured out how to do with your body. | ||
| Like, how weird is that? | ||
| Or, you know, someone who's, like, really good at anything athletic that's weird, like... | ||
| David Blaine is teaching magic now. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| You can buy his class online. | ||
| I think you have to become a sorcerer. | ||
| I think he's legitimately a sorcerer. | ||
| David Blaine was so talented it's kind of creepy. | ||
| His magic, like he did it right in front of us in the green room, we were watching him like a hawk. | ||
| I didn't see a goddamn thing. | ||
| Did you see anything? | ||
| Again, I was trying. | ||
| I thought I knew when he was going to do it, where he was going to do it. | ||
| I set myself up in an angle. | ||
| I felt like I was being a dick. | ||
| I was like, I want to know. | ||
| Couldn't fucking tell. | ||
| Jamie was like on that shit like a hawk on a power line. | ||
| You couldn't tell. | ||
| Could not tell. | ||
| I saw David Copperfield flying when I was a kid. | ||
| I was like, look at the fucking string, Dad. | ||
| Look, it fucking ruins it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, there's an old Teddy Bergeron joke about going to see Peter Pan. | ||
| And there's a little kid and he's going to see Peter Pan. | ||
| It's like, wow, this is amazing. | ||
| Look, Peter Pan's flying. | ||
| And he goes, and there's always someone in the audience going, he's on a wire! | ||
| He's on a wire! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look, Santa Claus isn't real and he's on a wire! | |
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's like people want to see behind the curtain. | ||
| Who'd you say? | ||
| Teddy Bergeron. | ||
| Do you know who Teddy Bergeron is? | ||
| Is that the guy that hosted Hollywood Squares or something? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| That's Todd Bergeron? | ||
| No. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| He's got a very similar name, too. | ||
| He hosted Dancing with the Stars or something, right? | ||
| Didn't he? | ||
| He was Tom. | ||
| Tom Bergeron? | ||
| Yeah, he was on television in Boston when I lived in Boston. | ||
| He was like a local television personality. | ||
| And then he became national when he was on... | ||
| He was Dancing with the Stars, right? | ||
| Isn't that what he hosted? | ||
| And he hosted that, like, forever. | ||
| Yeah, Hollywood Squares first. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So, oh, he did host that as well. | ||
| So, Teddy Bergeron was one of the first guys to come out of Boston that really cracked on The Tonight Show. | ||
| He was brilliant. | ||
| But Teddy liked to party. | ||
| And I don't mean like to party. | ||
| Teddy liked to go into other dimensions and wake up on a park bench. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And he just would get fucked up and mess things up. | ||
| And in his prime, though, like, damn, he was good. | ||
| I saw him when I was an open miker, and I had only done comedy, like, I think once or twice. | ||
| And I went to an open mic, and I was waiting, and he, you know, dropped in to do, like, ten minutes. | ||
| So he dropped in to do ten minutes, and I was almost like, I should just quit. | ||
| I should quit. | ||
| He was so polished. | ||
| It was so smooth. | ||
| All of his bits were so well thought out. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| But substances. | ||
| Yeah, that's him. | ||
| Play some of that. | ||
| That guy likes to party? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Basically, the two years were spent trying to figure the people out there because they're somewhat different. | |
| I remember one night I was playing my stereo really loud about three in the morning, blaring through the room, and a little old lady that lives in the next apartment started banging on my door. | ||
| What the hell's the matter with you? | ||
| Turn the bass up! | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But I'm back in New York, East Coast, where people are normal. | ||
| A little too normal. | ||
| Too formal here. | ||
| So I dress tonight like this because it's an officious city. | ||
| Today, someone asked me for the correct time. | ||
| Hadn't heard that in a long time. | ||
| Excuse me, young man. | ||
| Have you got the correct time? | ||
| I have a meeting. | ||
| I need the correct time. | ||
| As opposed to what? | ||
| The incorrect time? | ||
| I mean, who wants to know that? | ||
| Bright, sunny day. | ||
| Man's walking along a beach. | ||
| Have you got the incorrect time? | ||
| It's midnight. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| But I started in Boston, my comedy career, and I had to leave, unfortunately. Pause. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Yeah, it's not quite how we remember. | ||
| Little Glen Gary, Glen Ross vibes there. | ||
| No, way worse. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It's like, that's a Tonight Show set, and you gotta fucking water everything down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's four years before I even saw him. | ||
| You gotta see him in the clubs. | ||
| He was a great comic. | ||
| Those Tonight Show sets are the worst. | ||
| You're standing out there. | ||
| You don't even have a microphone. | ||
| It's not a comedy club audience. | ||
| You're moving your hands around because you don't know what to do with them because you're not holding a mic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's the opposite of a real club with phones locked up. | ||
| It's the opposite of it. | ||
| What's worse, because you're not even really at a club. | ||
| You're at a TV taping. | ||
| So there's this artificial pressure. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's daytime. | ||
| People don't realize. | ||
| It's like four in the afternoon. | ||
| That's also 1980s comedy. | ||
| The thing about 1980s comedy is you have to put it in the context of 1980s. | ||
| You really do. | ||
| I mean, obviously you have guys in the 80s that were producing stuff that's like top of the food chain, like Pryor and Eddie Griffin, or Eddie Griffin, sure. | ||
| I don't know when he started, actually, but I met Eddie Murphy. | ||
| And then also, of course, Kinison. | ||
| And Kinison and then Dice Clay. | ||
| So Kinison is like 85, 86, he pops. | ||
| So you gotta think of that. | ||
| Like, that's when people change what they thought of as comedy. | ||
| And it's wild when you go back and watch... | ||
| Like, I wouldn't tell any of those jokes. | ||
| And if you were telling those jokes, I'd be like, get rid of that one. | ||
| That one sucks. | ||
| Get rid of it. | ||
| Get rid of it. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| And I'd be like, I thought so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| But it's one of those things that's like, back then, I'd be like, those are solid jokes. | ||
| If we were living in the 80s. | ||
| We were idiots. | ||
| Nobody knew any better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the culture has changed so much and so many more people contribute into like the conversation about what's good and what sucks and what's interesting and what's cliche and... | ||
| It's such a fucking accelerated time for the change in human culture. | ||
| I don't know if we really recognize how accelerated it is. | ||
| I think it's happening so fast and it's a part of us while it's happening. | ||
| So it just seems normal. | ||
| Just normal. | ||
| Normal day. | ||
| But if you go back and look at it over the context of like from 1984 to today, like holy shit, what a difference. | ||
| What a monumental difference in the world, how much it's changed since 1984. I mean, it's not that long ago, man. | ||
| You know, it's 38 years. | ||
| It's not that long, but it might as well be a thousand. | ||
| It might as well be from another time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird, blurry television images and That's how old I am. | |
| And that's what's crazy. | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| What year were you born? | ||
| 84. Wow. | ||
| And I feel like people... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just feel like I got to sort of live it all. | ||
| Because I remember there being rotary phones. | ||
| And I remember when this thing, the internet, was starting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| What a wild time. | ||
| I remember when VHS tapes came out. | ||
| That's how old I am. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I remember when people couldn't watch TV unless you were at home when the show aired. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then they came out with this thing where you could tape things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And play it back later. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I mean, I was very young, but, like, yeah, I had one of those, like, rock-solid, big-ass TVs that you couldn't do anything with. | ||
| You needed a dolly or multiple people or whatever. | ||
| I remember there were VHS tapes and then you could hook two VCR players together and you could copy tapes. | ||
| So then they came out with a thing There was like a little hole in the back of the tape that wouldn't let you copy it. | ||
| But then people figured out all you have to do is put a piece of tape over that little hole, and then you can copy it, right? | ||
| Is that how it worked? | ||
| Is my memory accurate? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like the first copyright protection. | |
| It was like a tab that was removed, right? | ||
| Oh, you'll never be able to copy now. | ||
| I'll pull this little piece of plastic out. | ||
| And you could just duct tape over it, and then it would be good to go. | ||
| It's almost like there was a little thing, and if it set into that little hole that it left, it wouldn't record. | ||
| What am I, a little fucking baby? | ||
| That thing! | ||
| That's the little tab! | ||
| I do remember it! | ||
| Snap that tab off like a gangster. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| This thing's done! | ||
| No one's ever getting in here. | ||
| Another one I thought of recently was how cool it was to have a Walkman with a CD in it and how often those would skip. | ||
| And how like that skip delay, there was like three second skip delay. | ||
| You had to either turn it on or off. | ||
| Lord knows why it just wouldn't automatically be on all the time. | ||
| Oh, I remember because it would drain your battery a little bit faster. | ||
| If you had the skip protection on all the time. | ||
| So you'd really only want to use it if you were working out or whatever. | ||
| And it would skip all the time. | ||
| Everything would skip all the time. | ||
| If you hit any bump, it would skip. | ||
| It would skip in your car. | ||
| Remember those days? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| ESP. It was electronic skip protection, but like, it's... | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You could see the future, so it wasn't fucking... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing is, like, they figured out how to make it so that you could play a CD in your car and it won't skip, though. | ||
| How'd they do that? | ||
| How'd they do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Is it just better reading? | ||
| Does it hold it in place better? | ||
| Yeah, I would have to. | ||
| Without looking it up, I'd go, yeah, it probably was a more expensive CD player that had stabilization in it. | ||
| But I think, do they still make CD players? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is wild. | ||
| Who's got CDs laying around? | ||
| I was just thinking about that today. | ||
| You'd have to carry a case, and people would break into cars to steal your fucking CD case. | ||
| Yeah, I remember the case would be clear plastic, and you'd have the CD cover on one side and the actual CD on the other side, so you could see. | ||
| Ooh, Bob Seger, Night Moves. | ||
| I used to go to the library. | ||
| When I first got out of high school and moved to Los Angeles, I would go to the actual freaking library. | ||
| I remember getting the Eagles' greatest hits and not knowing much about the Eagles at all and being like, oh, this will be a good get. | ||
| I remember checking it out. | ||
| Oh, you could check out music from the library? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In 2003, 2004, 2005. With the right library card, you can get movies, download movies that aren't on Netflix or HBO. Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're not? | ||
| Where are they? | ||
| What are they on? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like independent movies or something? | ||
| Or they just don't have the license form right now, so they're not on there today, but they've been on there. | ||
| They're just not always on there, and you can have access to them. | ||
| Same with music. | ||
| You can download music from the library. | ||
| How does it work with things where something is over a certain amount of years old and doesn't have copyright protection anymore? | ||
| Very confusing and it has to do with Disney. | ||
| He set that shit up. | ||
| He did? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He didn't want people to take over Mickey Mouse because that's kind of like what he took. | ||
| Those first stories were all... | ||
| Public domain stories almost. | ||
| And then they just added a character and rewrote the story. | ||
| Like Snow White, now it's a really, really, really old story. | ||
| But they did the cartoon version of it. | ||
| So then, before he died, I want to say it's 50s, 60s, got some stuff through Congress that It added 27 years or something. | ||
| It's like a date. | ||
| It's like 25, 27 years past the death of the person who was the original copyright holder. | ||
| And then a couple years later, they added that you could add your child or something like that to be the holder. | ||
| So then it's 27 years after their death. | ||
| Very confusing, but that's how Sting got the money for that, all the money from the Puff Daddy song. | ||
| It gets into copyright lawyer stuff. | ||
| You know when you see photos of Walt Disney at Disneyland, all of his cigarettes are photoshopped out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So you see him there standing there like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| In all these pictures, he's sitting around like this, but he's got his two fingers like this, but there's nothing in his hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he died from lung cancer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| He died from smoking cigarettes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Smoked himself to death. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And he wasn't that old either. | ||
| I want to say he was in his 60s. | ||
| Yeah, see how his hand? | ||
| See his hand right there? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, and look at his hand right there. | ||
| They photoshopped the cigarettes out. | ||
| He always had a cigarette in his hand. | ||
| Three packs a day. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Homeboy was pumping. | ||
| He had a lot of energy. | ||
| That's pretty much continuous. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Where that finger is. | ||
| Look at his finger, where the cigarette should be. | ||
| Wild, right? | ||
| Right there. | ||
| He always had a cigarette on him. | ||
| How old was he when he died? | ||
| I don't think it was that old, man. | ||
| Oh, Tom Hanks played him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Look, Tom Hanks just put his fingers together like Disney did, but he didn't have a finger. | ||
| He didn't have a cigarette in there. | ||
| Saving Mr. Banks. | ||
| Starring Tom Hanks as Walt Disney. | ||
| So he was doing... | ||
| Scott, stop moving. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| The two-finger point and the smoking too even made it into Saving Mr. Banks. | ||
| So Tom Hanks is doing the two-finger pointing like as if he had a cigarette in his hand. | ||
| But Tom Hanks' character doesn't have a cigarette in his hand. | ||
| Why would he play Walt Disney and not have a cigarette? | ||
| If Walt Disney constantly smoked. | ||
| Because movies are weird about cigarettes now. | ||
| It's like an actual warning. | ||
| That's so dumb. | ||
| You talking about it. | ||
| What? | ||
| I was talking about it. | ||
| I wonder who pays to it. | ||
| 2014? | ||
| That's me. | ||
| I'm in this article. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| It's me. | ||
| I'm talking about it in 2014. Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, you know why? | ||
| Because I went with my kids and we realized we have this guy Shout out to Flander who was a He's not just a guide there. | ||
| He's like a historian He knows a lot about Walt Disney and Disney World and all the Disney Franchise movies and he's the one explain it to me. | ||
| He showed me all the photos. | ||
| He's like look at his fingers. | ||
| I was like, whoa How old was he when he died? | ||
| See if you can find how he died, but he died from cancer sticks Bummer yeah, I mean It is an enjoyable thing, though. | ||
| What a rush when you don't do it for a while and then you have a cigarette right before a show. | ||
| The second cigarette doesn't help, though. | ||
| I realize that. | ||
| It's one cigarette. | ||
| It's only one cigarette before a show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was 65. He was 65. That's pretty good. | |
| He was 66. You say that until you're 64. That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you'd be like, fuck. | ||
| And then you see this, like, Tim Kennedy had some guy's dad on his Instagram page a few months ago. | ||
| And he's like, this is my friend's dad. | ||
| He's 70. Guy was ripped. | ||
| 70. Six-pack. | ||
| Looked great. | ||
| Looked 50. Working out. | ||
| Like, doing, like, some fucking crazy circuit with those Navy SEAL guys. | ||
| Did you see Danny Elfman at Coachella? | ||
| No. | ||
| Freak musician. | ||
| What's this? | ||
| All these old people racing, this guy's 70. He ran a 13 and a half second, 100 meter dash. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's very fast. | ||
| Let me see this. | ||
| Let me see this. | ||
| How old are all these guys? | ||
| I don't know how old. | ||
| That guy in the front is 70? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh my god, look at him go. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's very fast. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Masters, 70 and older. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Is that their age? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| 82? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That might be their numbers. | ||
| No, he's 82. Give him the number. | ||
| It says 70. No, it says he's 70 years old. | ||
| How long can he do that, man? | ||
| He might be able to do it in 10 years. | ||
| You're the guy flying. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| A lot faster than I could ever run, ever, in my whole life. | ||
| How fast do you think you could run one now? | ||
| My knee's fucked. | ||
| I can't really run like that right now until this thing gets better. | ||
| We should race. | ||
| I have a problem. | ||
| Is that I know that, like, if I kick really hard with his knee, it winds up getting hurt again, and I don't care. | ||
| When I'm hitting the bag, I don't care. | ||
| I just want to smash it. | ||
| I just want to whop. | ||
| Just the ability to do that is so fun. | ||
| It's so hard to resist, but I've got to resist right now. | ||
| I've just got some stem cells shot into it and ways to well hooked me up and took care of my knee and some IV stem cells and some BPC-157 and they're trying to fix whatever's going on there. | ||
| And it's definitely feeling better. | ||
| I had a treatment that was only a couple of weeks ago. | ||
| It's feeling a lot better. | ||
| So I've got to be nice to it. | ||
| So no running. | ||
| But I've been doing a lot of stuff with my legs. | ||
| I can do a lot of stuff that doesn't hurt. | ||
| I just have to make sure that anything that tweaks it or makes it feel weird, I'm just going to leave it alone. | ||
| I think I can get it back to where it was. | ||
| Yeah, we went to the gym a couple weeks ago. | ||
| That was good. | ||
| What did we do? | ||
| The boxing gym. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Took you to a boxing gym. | ||
| Did you enjoy it? | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| There's no better workout than that. | ||
| I mean, that's one. | ||
| I used to go to Wildcard in Hollywood, and there were times that I threw up in the garbage can. | ||
| It's just a workout that you get lost in it, and even though it's only, whatever, two or three minute rounds, it's... | ||
| Three minutes when you're hitting mitts hard or hitting a bag hard is a long fucking time. | ||
| It's a long time if you're pitter-pattering the bag, if you're just going like this. | ||
| Like, have you ever watched Floyd Mayweather hit the bag? | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Floyd Mayweather doesn't hit the bag hard most of the time. | ||
| Most of the time, he just goes like this. | ||
| But it's continuous. | ||
| He never stops punching. | ||
| And then, whap, whap! | ||
| And then he continuously punches, like, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! | |
| Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. | ||
| When you watch him do it, it's an unusual rhythm that I never saw before him. | ||
| Watch how he does this. | ||
| Look. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How long has he been going? | |
| Don't tell the man to go. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| No, no, no, he's BJ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know it. | |
| What do we tell you, BJ? | ||
| Only between us. | ||
| So he's been doing this for, he'll do this for like 10, 15 minutes. | ||
| Like it's not just like, he doesn't do 3 minute rounds. | ||
| He'll do as long as he feels like it. | ||
| But look how he punches. | ||
| So he gets a lot of touching it. | ||
| He's not killing the back. | ||
| What he's doing is continuously hitting it. | ||
| Continuously hitting it. | ||
| One good thing about a boxing gym, too, is you watch people that actually know what they're doing and you realize, like, how hard someone can hit you. | ||
| It's horrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you watch someone smash a bag or smash pads and you go, oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And you're in a gym like that gym with real boxers and kickboxers and MMA fighters. | ||
| Yeah, I got to watch Manny Pacquiao workout in his prime back then. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| And holy smoke, so much of it stood out. | ||
| The speed, the fucking snap. | ||
| There's just a different... | ||
| But one of the things that really stood out was he was jumping rope. | ||
| And it looked like, if you looked at his head, it looked like he wasn't leaving the ground. | ||
| He was like staying in the same spot. | ||
| And it didn't even look like his feet were leaving the floor. | ||
| It was such quick, rapid movements that it just looked like his shoes were sort of like vibrating. | ||
| The only way that you knew that he was jumping the rope was, A, it was coming back around. | ||
| And B, his calf muscles would flare out like that. | ||
| They would go from, they were ridiculous. | ||
| They would just go from I don't know they're huge. | ||
| Yeah, he's known for his legs It's interesting because there's so many like athletes like him Prince Nassim Hamed There's quite a few guys that are known for having like really ridiculous leg strength and And you realize, like, oh, well, punches come from the legs. | ||
| Like, that's a big part of it. | ||
| And the movement, like, between him and Nassim Hamed, one of the things they both shared in common is their ability to, like, cut angles and move so quickly. | ||
| You know, Manny could just, like, he could zip zap, and a lot of it was his footwork. | ||
| I mean, his footwork and his leg dexterity. | ||
| And he was always running hills and always doing jump rope. | ||
| I think he's done, right? | ||
| Did he retire officially? | ||
| Look at the size of those calves. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| To have calves like that is... | ||
| I mean, that is a massive benefit. | ||
| Because to be able to move quickly and lightly on your feet is everything in a boxing match. | ||
| To be able to move in and out and move away from things, move side to side. | ||
| He's a weird guy, too, in that he's so nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, he's so fucking nice, and yet he's a straight-up killer. | ||
| It's like eight-division world champion, at least... | ||
| So nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So cool. | ||
| So sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nice to everybody. | ||
| To everybody. | ||
| Just all smiling and everything like that. | ||
| But there's a guy who's got a fucking entourage to feed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro. | |
| We did a thing with Tosh and I did it for his show. | ||
| I forget what I did. | ||
| Something like I took him with me to a boxing gym and hung out with Manny Pacquiao. | ||
| And Manny Pacquiao punched him in the face. | ||
| Like, it was part of the sketch. | ||
| And he, you know, he hit him and Tosh would fall down. | ||
| I go, you gotta hit him harder than that. | ||
| You gotta hit him a little harder. | ||
| Just actually hit him a little bit. | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| And Tosh is looking at me like, what the fuck? | ||
| I'm like, you gotta let him hit ya. | ||
| So I guess I'm giving him advice. | ||
| That's Joe with the beard days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I'm telling him how to hold a mouthpiece in his mouth. | ||
| I don't know what I'm wearing there. | ||
| I'm wearing some kind of silver suit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here it goes. | |
| I mean, he's just touching them, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| I think that's probably the second time he hit him. | ||
| We had him hit him a little harder. | ||
| Tosh is a real, he's a sport. | ||
| He went in there and troopered it out, took one for the team. | ||
| But it was his idea, not mine. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Balls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck getting punched by that guy. | ||
| I think he's done though, right? | ||
| Isn't Manny Pacquiao retired? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I think so, but I mean all these boxers, I mean they're just always one payday away from a return. | ||
| Well, it's that and it's also, I think... | ||
| I'm trying to be president right now. | ||
| Ah, president of the Philippines. | ||
| Temporary retirement. | ||
| Listen, they might do something to him. | ||
| Be careful, bro. | ||
| Philippines don't play. | ||
| If he wanted to keep fighting, though, what's going on today with athletes, as long as they're not testing them, you can get away with a lot of wild shit. | ||
| And there's always been shenanigans with certain boxing matches, like what they test and what they don't, whether they bring in Vada or whether they just sort of fucking fly in under the radar and try to piss clean the day of the fight and who's in whose pocket. | ||
| You can get away with competing way later if you're doing things. | ||
| Who was the guy that cemented his gloves against... | ||
| Margarito. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he... | ||
| Against Miguel Cotto. | ||
| He fucked Miguel Cotto up. | ||
| And then Sugar Shane Mosley's team caught something in his gloves. | ||
| Caught something in his wraps when they were backstage. | ||
| And they found that he was putting plaster of Paris... | ||
| Inside his wraps. | ||
| So what that means is like where his wraps are, he had it coated in plaster. | ||
| So then you would add water to it, and then it would harden. | ||
| So from the time he gets his hands wrapped to the time he goes out there, he's got hard, like a hard sheath over his knuckles, like a plaster sheath. | ||
| So he's got this, the wraps, and he's got whatever this plaster-like material. | ||
| Tell me what that material was. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| It was a, this says it was a powder, a plastic powder that once got water on it or sweat, it would harden up. | ||
| So he would do that and then get it wet and then fuck people up like he had bricks in his hands. | ||
| He fucked people up, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That kind of power that, I mean, if you, it's so rare to have that kind of power, but some guys actually do, like Deontay Wilder actually has that kind of bricks in your hand power. | ||
| And it's such a big advantage and if you have bricks in your hand power like Margarito has power and on top of that he's put plaster all over his knuckles Yeah, he's just brutalizing people and then sugar Shane found out about his team found out about it before the fight so he went out there with regular Gloves on and regular wraps thinking he was gonna be able to fight sugar Shane and cheat I'm pretty sure sugar Shane fucked him up yeah sugar Shane Fucked him up. | ||
| He fucked him up so bad that Margarita had to get eyeball surgery. | ||
| And after that, Margarita's like one eye was like never the same. | ||
| It was like questionable whether or not he should have been allowed to fight. | ||
| I believe he had a... | ||
| I think he had an artificial retina put in. | ||
| I think it was one of those deals. | ||
| Which is wild, man. | ||
| They do that now. | ||
| I was watching a commercial about that online where this guy was replacing people's retinas with an artificial retina. | ||
| And that you could see, like glasses. | ||
| It's like they just cut yours out and put a new one in. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| But the thing about it is, they were saying that you might get haloing at night. | ||
| Like I know a guy who had LASIK surgery, and he can't drive at night. | ||
| What happens? | ||
| He had a problem. | ||
| He had a rare but prevalent reaction. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if it's prevalent. | ||
| Rare, but it's one of the side effects of LASIK is haloing. | ||
| Whereas if you see lights at night, the lights, you don't just see the light. | ||
| You see like a halo around the light. | ||
| And that halo around the light obscures things that you might not be able to see, like as you're driving. | ||
| So he can't drive at night. | ||
| That's gotta suck. | ||
| It's gotta suck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Find out about that, like haloing under LASIK. I mean, maybe he got it a long time ago, and maybe the new way's better. | ||
| Ari got LASIK. Really? | ||
| And then his eyes got worse. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Because he got older. | ||
| So his eyes kept getting worse. | ||
| So it was fixed for a while. | ||
| But knowing Ari, he probably got the cheapest LASIK. This is bullshit. | ||
| I had a fucking Groupon. | ||
| I paid $25 for that LASIK. Yes, eye glare and halos are a common issue that patients experience after they receive LASIK surgery. | ||
| In fact, glare after LASIK is an extremely frequent side effect that you might have to deal with following this procedure. | ||
| In the event that you see different kinds of halos and glares following LASIK, you should know that this is normal. | ||
| You might also see glare taking the shape of starbursts. | ||
| Starbursts are not a ring surrounding lights like the more common forms of glare. | ||
| Starbursts look more like a glow that disperses itself around the light instead. | ||
| So that kind of shit is not good. | ||
| That's fucking terrible. | ||
| Why do they appear? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We'll create a flap in the uppermost. | ||
| So this is a Lasix vision website where they're trying to sell you Lasix. | ||
| We'll create a flap in the uppermost portion of your cornea when we perform Lasix surgery. | ||
| The uppermost portion of your cornea is the epithelium. | ||
| We'll lift up this flap so that we can adjust the entire contour of your cornea using a surgical laser after we make the epithelial flap. | ||
| Once we have finished altering the shape of your cornea, we put the epithelial flap back down. | ||
| Your eyes need some time to adapt to the new shape of your cornea after we make the epithelial flap and put it back down. | ||
| If you see halos near bright lights, this is simply a step in your eye's healing process. | ||
| You may also see halos close to bright objects as your eyes go through the process of healing and adjusting to your cornea's new shape. | ||
| Well, for my friend, he didn't start off getting glare. | ||
| He got it later. | ||
| You should know that halos are a type of glare in vision that temporarily changes your vision following LASIK. You would see halos primarily at night after LASIK. Halos are usually more common in low light conditions and they look like bright circles surrounding sources of light like streetlights and headlights. | ||
| Even though we commonly call halos a side effect of LASIK, they're not exactly a side effect as we usually use that term. | ||
| Instead, halos are a normal sign that your eyes have started recovering That's not what my friend is having. | ||
| My friend had it years and years ago, and he recently developed Halos. | ||
| So, I don't know. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The side effects on things are insane. | ||
| Well, the fact that they're... | ||
| That's a big deal. | ||
| That means you can't drive at night. | ||
| That's a giant deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, if you had a choice between wear glasses or not drive at night, I would say, I'm gonna wear glasses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fuck you talking about? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not drive at night. | ||
| It's fun driving at night. | ||
| It's no big deal, bro. | ||
| Just take Ubers, and everywhere you go, it'll be psychedelic. | ||
| All the lights will be, like, glowing. | ||
| Imagine going to Vegas if you halo, like, everywhere you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
| You're outside in the neon. | ||
| Everything's got a halo around it. | ||
| What does that look like? | ||
| Do they have an image, like, a representation of what LASIK halos look like to someone who is suffering from them? | ||
| I want to see that. | ||
| There's eye drops that my doctor gave me to try. | ||
| He's like, try these out. | ||
| I go, what are they? | ||
| He's like, look, that's what it looks like. | ||
| So these folks can't see shit. | ||
| And that's just those headlights, right? | ||
| As they get closer and they take up your entire field of vision, It's going to obscure some of the things you're seeing. | ||
| I wonder if they make glasses that limit the halo effect. | ||
| That would be ironic. | ||
| Wouldn't that be ironic? | ||
| You have to wear glasses to eliminate the halo? | ||
| Like yellow glasses, like Hunter Thompson type glasses? | ||
| Yeah, there's got to be glasses. | ||
| Do they make it? | ||
| They make glasses to see golf balls on the field. | ||
| Right, but see if they do that. | ||
| Glasses to remove halos. | ||
| Because if they do that, well then you go, well that's not that big a deal. | ||
| You just wear your halo glasses when you drive at night. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Think they do? | ||
| I mean, I don't think it doesn't. | ||
| Maybe just regular sunglasses would help, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Find out for us, young Jamie. | |
| Seems like, yeah, it seems like polarized lenses or something like that. | ||
| Polarized lenses are great. | ||
| You ever use those when you go fishing? | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| They cut out all the glare. | ||
| You can see in the water. | ||
| You see where the fish are. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you lift them up and you don't see shit. | ||
| You put them on, you see the shadows of the fish swimming around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, they're pretty dope. | ||
| Seems like that would help a lot. | ||
| Oh, it helps a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a big deal. | ||
| I was looking. | ||
| I'm about to buy for the same purpose. | ||
| Once you're out there, you can't see your ball a lot of the time. | ||
| I forgot you guys are competitive. | ||
| Let me tell you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Jamie's been whacking that ball, son. | ||
| Jamie's got a spooky drive. | ||
| But what Jamie knows is that it's not exactly a test of strength. | ||
| I mean, he can hit the ball very hard and very far. | ||
| Does it make you jealous? | ||
| No. | ||
| It should. | ||
| No, because we're not talking about it. | ||
| It makes me jealous. | ||
| And I don't even play golf. | ||
| A big part of the game, Joe, is where you hit the ball. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, you can get that eventually. | ||
| It's like if somebody kicked really hard, but they didn't kick you. | ||
| Yeah, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| This smile just went off. | ||
| What he's saying is how I approach martial arts. | ||
| I learned how to kick hard first, and then I learned how to kick people. | ||
| Kick hard first, then you figure out where to kick them. | ||
| Well, you kick hard first and kick fast, and then it's about closing distance and fainting. | ||
| Golf's a little bit different. | ||
| No, no, it's less complicated. | ||
| Kicking someone's way more complicated than the ball that doesn't move. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Don't ever say that. | ||
| There's not a chance in hell that it's easier to hit a golf ball that it's not easier to hit a golf ball than to just kick somebody. | ||
| There's not a chance in fucking hell. | ||
| You know how smart golfers are and how dumb fighters are? | ||
| You know. | ||
| You don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| What I'm saying is, it's super difficult to kick someone. | ||
| It's super easy to hit a golf ball. | ||
| Whether you hit a golf ball perfectly, that's a different story. | ||
| How do you mean it's easy to hit a golf ball? | ||
| Because it's right there. | ||
| It's not moving anywhere. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| Well, neither is the bag that you're kicking. | ||
| We're talking about a person. | ||
| Kicking a person. | ||
| That's what we're talking about. | ||
| That's what you're saying, like, fighters are dumb. | ||
| Like, to be able to close the distance and land. | ||
| I don't think fighters are dumb. | ||
| I'm just saying, no, they're dumb compared to golfers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you hear him say it? | |
| He said dumb fighters, not all fighters are dumb. | ||
| You don't think the Stylebender is smarter than John Daly? | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| They're both... | ||
| No, that's a tough one. | ||
| I bet he could survive a night partying better than Stylebender. | ||
| Well, of course, Stylebender's healthy. | ||
| I mean, that's not a diss to Stylebender. | ||
| I'm just saying, John Daly's all there. | ||
| He's got a lot of great stories. | ||
| Very funny guy. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Very present. | ||
| Zero brain damage. | ||
| A lot of liver damage. | ||
| No hangovers. | ||
| Doesn't feel hangovers. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| How's that possible? | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| I was going to show you the video earlier. | ||
| He's got... | ||
| He's a professional. | ||
| Isn't it amazing that you can be a full-on alcoholic and excel at golf? | ||
| Doesn't that throw your fucking idea of intelligence and strategy and all that away? | ||
| Like, you don't even have to have control of your body. | ||
| You can be an alcoholic. | ||
| Okay, the greatest fighter of all time is Jon Jones. | ||
| I rest my case. | ||
| Yeah, but Jon Jones never showed up high. | ||
| You don't think... | ||
| You're so funny right now. | ||
| This is like our pro wrestling talks. | ||
| When you take a stand on something, you will say the craziest stuff. | ||
| Nick Diaz has showed up and fought high. | ||
| When he fought Gomi, he was high. | ||
| They suspended him for a long time. | ||
| He tested positive through the roof of his marijuana levels. | ||
| When he fought Gomi, he was high. | ||
| He got Gomi in a gogoplata, which is a crazy move to pull off in MMA. Super fucking rare. | ||
| If you watch how he sets it up, he gets hit by Gomi. | ||
| I think Gomi even fractured his cheek. | ||
| He goes into the guard. | ||
| Gomi was a fucking powerful puncher. | ||
| Because Gomi would throw punches the way a pitcher would throw a fastball, because he was a baseball player. | ||
| So Gomi had like that whip from throwing basketball, baseball rather. | ||
| Did I say basketball? | ||
| I said baseball, right? | ||
| Like you would throw a fastball. | ||
| And he would apply that whip to punching. | ||
| And he cracked Nick and had this big fucking cut on his cheeks. | ||
| Cheeks swole up. | ||
| And they went to the ground and Nick wrapped him up in a gogoplata. | ||
| And put his arm, his arm trapped in one leg, shin underneath the neck. | ||
| And then Gable grips behind the neck and pulls down and it's death. | ||
| It's a crazy move to get somebody in in the first place. | ||
| Even crazier when you're high as fuck. | ||
| And he was fighting high. | ||
| Wasn't that sort of the same thing? | ||
| John Jones to Cormier. | ||
| I beat you after a weekend of cocaine. | ||
| The double champ. | ||
| Well, that was the week before. | ||
| He said a weekend of cocaine. | ||
| He didn't beat him after. | ||
| He didn't do cocaine that week. | ||
| He did it the week before the fight. | ||
| And on top of that, he wasn't fighting on coke. | ||
| Nick Diaz was fighting high. | ||
| John parties a lot, but if you look at John without a shirt off and you look at John Daly without a shirt off, you're not making any confusion. | ||
| I mean, yes, if we're having a beauty pageant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. | |
| If you want to decide, hey, one of these guys is an athlete, and one of these guys plays a game drunk, which one do you think it is? | ||
| Yeah, you got me there. | ||
| I mean, I don't think that he's not awesome at golf. | ||
| He's a fucking amazing golf player. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| I've watched videos of John Daly play. | ||
| He's incredible. | ||
| I think it's just amazing that a guy could be known for being addicted to essentially a drug and just on it all the time and plays on it. | ||
| Smokes cigarettes and drinks Coca-Cola. | ||
| Drinks Diet Coke, like 16 Diet Cokes a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, you know, there's been pool players like that, too. | ||
| Like Steve Mizorak, before he died. | ||
| Steve Mizorak was an enormous guy. | ||
| And he was, like, one of the best players in the world. | ||
| He was way overweight. | ||
| There's another guy, Buddy Hall, who was also, like, one of the best players of all time. | ||
| He's one of the best players of all time and in his early days. | ||
| According to his book, I've got a rare copy of his book, The Rifleman. | ||
| It's like Rags to Riches, The Rifleman. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| It's an old book that was self-published. | ||
| So it's like the font size is one size on one page and smaller on the next page. | ||
| It's totally janky. | ||
| But it's a dope book. | ||
| It's like a cool book to own. | ||
| Because it's rare. | ||
| It's hard to find them. | ||
| They sell them on forums and shit. | ||
| They're real expensive. | ||
| But back in the early days... | ||
| Is this John Daly? | ||
| Yeah, but he's got a case of beer on his cart with me. | ||
| Yeah, I like you better than him. | ||
| I like your swing better. | ||
| I like the case of beer, though. | ||
| His swing's pretty fucking good. | ||
| Light beer. | ||
| So he's hanging out. | ||
| Him and Shane Gillis. | ||
| They're cut from the same cloth. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| Big drinkers. | ||
| Shane Gillis on the podcast, 15 Miller Lights. | ||
| Bud Lights. | ||
| 15 Bud Lights. | ||
| Yeah, he did 11 on Kill Tony, which is only an hour and 45 minutes. | ||
| What a fucking animal. | ||
| I think his drink per minute time is even higher. | ||
| But meanwhile, he's losing weight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's working out all the time. | ||
| Sends me pictures of him flexing. | ||
| He looks good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's hired a fucking trainer. | ||
| He got inspired. | ||
| Something clicked in him. | ||
| He got inspired. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm worried about him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because that's a lot. | ||
| He's drinking 15 beers in a three-hour podcast. | ||
| Like, holy fuck, dude. | ||
| I mean, we were with Stan Hope last night. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Looks good. | ||
| That's one of the funniest men alive right there. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| One of the funniest men alive. | ||
| When I worked with him in Irvine, I finally got to watch his whole set when me, him, and Monty Franklin did Irvine. | ||
| God damn, he killed me. | ||
| Monty was very funny too. | ||
| But I had seen Monty before. | ||
| I had never seen Shane do like a full set. | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| His Trump is off the charts. | ||
| That Trump impression is so good. | ||
| It's the best, because he's got great lines, like great stand-up comic lines with an amazing impression. | ||
| So he can't stop laughing. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| It's a good time for comedy, buddy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a good time. | ||
| It's a good time. | ||
| Shout out to our boy Hans Kim, because Hans Kim went up in front of a fucking arena. | ||
| This kid's been, he was homeless two years ago. | ||
| Gets on Kill Tony. | ||
| He was living in his van four to six months ago. | ||
| Living in his van four to six months ago. | ||
| Gets on Kill Tony. | ||
| Becomes a regular on Kill Tony. | ||
| Shows incredible work ethic like we were talking about before. | ||
| Just putting in the time and the effort. | ||
| Who puts in the time and effort more than Hans? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Sometimes I'll look over my shoulder to see what he's doing on his phone and he's always on a spreadsheet. | ||
| Going over the bed. | ||
| Staring at jokes, rewriting jokes, taking out a word, adding a word. | ||
| It's a fucking animal. | ||
| He's not doing anything else. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Murdering on stage. | ||
| Yeah, he's coming for everybody's jobs. | ||
| He's there. | ||
| He's doing everything that we talked earlier about, which is obsessing hours a day, being a crazy person, and he loves it. | ||
| He lives for it. | ||
| So Duncan did Colorado with us, and then after Colorado, Duncan, you know, came to my house. | ||
| We're all hanging out, and he was like, dude, I'm so inspired now. | ||
| I'm so ready. | ||
| He goes, I needed those shows. | ||
| I needed to see, like, first of all, I needed to see you guys. | ||
| You're tight, and you guys have been doing stand-up, like, so much. | ||
| And he goes, and I'm, like, trimming the fat off this, and now I'm excited. | ||
| I want to write more. | ||
| I want to perform more. | ||
| He's like, God, I feel so good. | ||
| He goes, it's so exciting. | ||
| And he's moving to Austin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to have Duncan here too. | ||
| What a fucking lineup we're going to have, buddy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| It's literally the dream lineup. | ||
| Ron White. | ||
| Maybe we could talk Roseanne into it. | ||
| She's coming. | ||
| I told Stan I would buy an apartment for him. | ||
| I go, come here. | ||
| Just come here. | ||
| Come here whenever you want. | ||
| I'll get you an apartment. | ||
| Joey Diaz is going to come on a regular basis. | ||
| We're going to do... | ||
| Oh, that's something we're doing. | ||
| Tickets just went on sale for. | ||
| Atlantic City. | ||
| Friday and Saturday, June 3rd and 4th. | ||
| Joey Diaz, Tony Hinchcliffe, and me. | ||
| We're at the Hard Rock. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| It's like a new arena. | ||
| New arena at the Hard Rock. | ||
| In Atlantic City. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| That's going to be fun! | ||
| And yeah, we got Joey back on stage again. | ||
| This is all so exciting. | ||
| It's so fun, man. | ||
| The beautiful thing about having something almost taken away from you, like the way everybody felt about stand-up, is that when it comes back, you're so excited and invigorated. | ||
| Like last night, I was so excited. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was so excited to go on stage. | ||
| I couldn't wait. | ||
| I mean, we had such a lineup last night. | ||
| Hans Kim, Doug Stanhope, Roseanne Barr, Ron White, you and me. | ||
| I mean, the show's five assassins deep before I ever even get on stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a crazy lineup. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| That's a crazy lineup anywhere. | ||
| I think we have the best crowds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're the best crowds. | ||
| They're so fun. | ||
| They're so enthusiastic. | ||
| It's all word of mouth. | ||
| Doesn't have that weird LA, New York, we're judging you vibe. | ||
| It's the we came out to have fun. | ||
| Came out to have fun. | ||
| Yeah, they're not coming out because they're in the industry. | ||
| You know, there's people that would sit in a crowd in LA and you know they wanted to be an actor or they think they're going to be on a reality show. | ||
| There's so much ego. | ||
| There's so much... | ||
| I mean, everybody has ego, but it's not just ego. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| There's like a clout-chasing status-y fucking thing to it, like who's the coolest guy in the room. | ||
| You know those people that go in and look for cool people and they're barely talking to you and then they walk away from you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, oh, okay. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| Nobody does that here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Here they just talk. | ||
| It's like normal. | ||
| That fucking, that machine that comedy has been connected to for so long has ruined so many potential great comics because it's turned them into like some sitcom-y person. | ||
| Yep, watered down, cleaner version of their funniest self. | ||
| Not just cleaner, but like... | ||
| Censored. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Certain subjects are not worth discussing. | ||
| It's too hard. | ||
| I mean, think about some of your best bits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's subjects that people don't want to fuck with at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, there's certain comedians, if you fuck with those subjects at all, you will get banned from television shows. | ||
| Nobody will want to work with you. | ||
| Nobody will want to have anything to do with you. | ||
| That's why I love it, being my bread and butter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's so fun. | ||
| There's a market for it, buddy. | ||
| I was going to say, and the market is swinging around. | ||
| The market's right here. | ||
| Me. | ||
| I want to pay for it. | ||
| I want to watch it. | ||
| If I was an audience member, that's what I want to say. | ||
| You don't have to be espousing your every virtue and political belief on stage. | ||
| You can lie if it's funny. | ||
| Say something funny that's not true. | ||
| I'm just trying to laugh. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I can get my intellectual discourse out in other forms. | ||
| I don't need it in my comedy. | ||
| My comedy, I just need funny. | ||
| I mean, if it's brilliant and creative funny, great. | ||
| But if it's brilliant but not funny, eh, you might want to tighten up that bitch. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Might want to throw little jokes in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Last night was fun because I just got to ride that crazy wave that was in the room. | ||
| The energy. | ||
| And that's a lot of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| Hans Kim always starts it off crazy, but that was insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's a great guy to get it started off, too, because he's so structured. | ||
| He gets you into a rhythm very quickly where you're laughing. | ||
| Set up punchline. | ||
| Set up punchline. | ||
| They're all really good, funny. | ||
| There's no fat in his material. | ||
| Economy of words is excellent. | ||
| It's just, you know, it's cool to see comedy outside of any other system. | ||
| Just comedy by itself. | ||
| You know, it's comedy supported by just live comedy. | ||
| Like, that's where it's at its best. | ||
| It's when it's connected to all those other things. | ||
| Like, your potential to do other shows, or agents' opinions, or managers' opinions. | ||
| That's one of the things that we were going over this weekend was like opinions that people have given guys like Duncan or you or just terrible ideas that they've given you like what you should be doing with your career and where you're messing up and that those things that told you not to do wind up being the best things you ever do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Got to be untethered from the system. | ||
| I feel bad for a lot of the people that I started with. | ||
| They never changed their goals. | ||
| When I started, I was part of the last group of being on The Tonight Show and getting a Comedy Central half hour is the ultimate. | ||
| Like, obviously a one-hour HBO special, but those weren't even really being given out. | ||
| Comedy Central one-hour special's the top, but people were still striving to be on Conan or The Tonight Show when I very first started. | ||
| And that is a specific kind of set, as we just saw when we tried to watch... | ||
| Todd Bergen, whatever, right? | ||
| Teddy Bergeron. | ||
| Yeah, Teddy Bergeron. | ||
| That was like, you know, a lot of setup, very like odd segues. | ||
| 1984. He had some really good bits. | ||
| That just wasn't it. | ||
| That wasn't a good set. | ||
| But my point is, is like a lot of the people that I started with got good at those types of sets. | ||
| TV sets. | ||
| TV sets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And... | ||
| It's just safe. | ||
| You could see it on TV. So why would people buy tickets? | ||
| But there's some guys that are great at that, like Brian Regan, who has that kind of everything's safe on television, but it's brilliant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's hilarious. | ||
| Or Jim Gaffigan, same deal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| All safe for television, but brilliant. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then after those two, which we all name when these come up, there is a long drop-off. | ||
| Who else is out there that's like super squeaky clean that's really good? | ||
| Who else? | ||
| In that vein, in that vein, I would say they're the two guys. | ||
| Brian Regan and Gaffigan are the two guys. | ||
| They are the squeaky guys that murder. | ||
| Well, actually, no, you gotta say Sebastian, too. | ||
| That's who I was thinking. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta factor in Sebastian, because Sebastian's squeaky clean, and he murders. | ||
| Like, Sebastian, you could bring your grandmother, you could bring your uncle, you could bring your dad, you could bring anybody. | ||
| And if you're on the East Coast, that fucking guy's killing it. | ||
| He sold out four shows in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| That's just preposterous. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| That's outrageous. | ||
| He's so cool. | ||
| He's very cool. | ||
| And that's about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| Name another one. | ||
| Nate? | ||
| Nate Bargazzi? | ||
| Oh, Nate Bargazzi. | ||
| Nate is hilarious. | ||
| Very clean. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Good catch. | ||
| Nate, that's about it. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Are we done? | ||
| I literally can't think of it. | ||
| There's a few wizards. | ||
| But the thing is, Nate and Gaffigan, if you talk to them offstage, they have the same sense of humor offstage. | ||
| It's that sort of dry, hilarious, but clean view of things that's very funny. | ||
| There's not a lot of those guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Was, uh... | ||
| Dane Cook was clean, I guess, right? | ||
| No, he had swears. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He swore. | ||
| Yeah, he definitely had sex material. | ||
| He had swears. | ||
| He was just regular. | ||
| There's not a lot of guys that commit to that completely clean thing, you know? | ||
| You know, Jay Leno is a great example. | ||
| Someone who's, like, completely clean. | ||
| Fluffy? | ||
| Oh yeah, Gabriel's super clean. | ||
| Who fucking sells out more than him? | ||
| He sells out Dodger Stadium. | ||
| Twice. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And it's not like he's not around LA all the time as well. | ||
| Do you know Fluffy has a whole garage filled with VW bugs? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't collect cars. | ||
| He collects one kind of car over and over and over and over again. | ||
| Yeah, it's the weirdest thing. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing to collect. | ||
| He has a whole warehouse filled with these reconditioned VW bugs. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| How incredible is that? | ||
| Why would he have so many of these bugs? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| What is it about this one particular... | ||
| Oh, he's got a nice Firebird, too. | ||
| But it's all... | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| $3 million VW bus collection. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| How many VW buses he has? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| I wonder if they're different. | ||
| Bro, that's bizarre as fuck. | ||
| He's got a whole warehouse filled with VW buses. | ||
| Look at his warehouse. | ||
| Warehouse is fucking dope. | ||
| Look how crazy that is. | ||
| Look at the Fluffy Museum. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So he's got a massive ass warehouse filled with like artwork and shit. | ||
| What is he saying about those paintings? | ||
| Give me some volume on this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fluffy Museum to resemble the personal favorite buses. | |
| Volkswagen buses because I don't have a cocaine problem and I needed somewhere to spend the money. | ||
| Honestly. | ||
| I talked to Jay Leno and Jay told me, he says, you know what? | ||
| He says, people are going to tell you to invest your money certain ways. | ||
| He goes, but with me, he goes, I like the cars because first of all, If they're classic, it is an investment. | ||
| It's an investment you can enjoy. | ||
| So you can drive them, and when you sell them, they'll be worth more. | ||
| Each one of these is valued somewhere between $100,000 to $200,000. | ||
| Now, I have no intention of selling, but at the end of the day, as soon as I'm gone, and when I mean gone, this is going to be turned into a museum for the city of Long Beach. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I like that Firebird, too. | ||
| I need to get one of those and grow me a Burt Reynolds mustache. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dye it black. | ||
| Maybe get a toupee. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Maybe a cowboy hat. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| I'm ready. | ||
| You see a Firebird, you want to be fucking Burt Reynolds. | ||
| Look at that Firebird. | ||
| You want a classic, though. | ||
| Oh, it's signed by Berger. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| There is. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| I need that look. | ||
| That's how I feel when I put on my cowboy hat. | ||
| That seems like a conversion. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's a real one. | ||
| I think that might be a conversion. | ||
| See what it says. | ||
| I have a feeling that that is a new... | ||
| See what it says, like, right there. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Over in Florida, in about six months, they turn that black Camaro into this beautiful thing of art. | |
| I am so scared to drive this car. | ||
| Unfortunately, as soon as Burt Reynolds passed away, the value of this thing went through the roof. | ||
| And yeah, if I scuff it at Starbucks, I'm going to cry. | ||
| That's a Camaro. | ||
| It's a modern Camaro that they redid to make it look like a Pontiac Firebird. | ||
| Because the Pontiac doesn't exist anymore, and Pontiac was a GM car. | ||
| So if you go back to 1968, the Pontiac Firebird shared in common a lot of parts with the Camaro of that year. | ||
| If you looked at them, it's very similar body shape. | ||
| They just had a little bit of a difference in the rear taillight assembly and a little bit of difference in the grille and the front bumper and all that jazz and the hood. | ||
| But a Firebird and a Camaro were almost interchangeable. | ||
| So with this new one, they take it. | ||
| Since Pontiac doesn't exist anymore, they take it and they send it to a company and the company converts it. | ||
| That's why I was looking at that. | ||
| I'm like, that thing looks too modern. | ||
| It was his first car. | ||
| 1968 Volkswagen Transporter that served as his first car when he was 17 years old. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Got 80 of them now. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
80! | |
| 80 VW bugs. | ||
| The problem with those is you need a specific motherfucker to buy those. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you buy a bunch of Corvettes, everybody wants a Corvette. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You buy a bunch of those things and people go... | ||
| Uh, yeah, it's cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| And if you're gonna get one, why would you get an expensive one? | ||
| But you know what that shows me? | ||
| That Fluffy doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because he's not trying to impress anybody with his VW bugs. | ||
| He likes them. | ||
| He's buying them because he likes them. | ||
| It's a way to make sure your business manager doesn't steal your money. | ||
| Invest in bugs. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You gotta sell those though, dude. | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| Maybe it's easy to sell them. | ||
| But maybe it's not easy to sell 80 of them. | ||
| There's a sweet chance Amy's got. | ||
| Yeah, so that's a real one. | ||
| That looks like a real Trans Am to me. | ||
| The one to the right, that's a Charger. | ||
| The one in front's a Challenger. | ||
| That Trans Am to the right lower corner, where you only see the front fender, that's the conversion one. | ||
| So that's basically the only one that really drives well and handles well. | ||
| Because it handles like modern Camaros. | ||
| They make a modern Camaro... | ||
| I think, what is it, the LT1, I think is their killer Camaro. | ||
| They make a modern Camaro with 600 plus horsepower. | ||
| It's fucking preposterous. | ||
| Do you know why they call it a Trans Am? | ||
| It's a type of race. | ||
| It's like a car that was... | ||
| It's a model named after a type of car for racing, I believe. | ||
| I think it's like a Trans Am race. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Because there's IROC, right? | ||
| International Race of Champions was an IROC Trans Am. | ||
| That was a type of Trans Am that was like all the Guidos had back when I lived in Boston. | ||
| Guys who had an IROC, like, oh, he's the shit. | ||
| Look, he's got his IROC. It sounded good when they pulled up. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| The bomb diggity back then. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know much about cars. | ||
| I just know that I'm now obsessed with Corvettes. | ||
| Well, you have a C8, which is the absolute best Corvette that's ever been made. | ||
| The new Corvette is a fucking masterpiece. | ||
| It's so good, dude. | ||
| It brings me so much joy on a daily basis that it's crazy. | ||
| I can imagine. | ||
| I love your car. | ||
| I'm so happy you got it. | ||
| I like to sit in it and just fucking... | ||
| The way they have contoured that dashboard and have this panel to the right with all the buttons on it, and then you're holding that steering wheel, you're locked in, and I'm like, Mike! | ||
| God, this thing is good. | ||
| Legit race style, like rectangle wheel, whatever that's called. | ||
| They should make it in a six-speed manual, though. | ||
| They should have a few of those as an option, Corvette. | ||
| Just please. | ||
| I know it's not as fast, 0-60, but we're not in a race. | ||
| It's about enjoyment. | ||
| And for someone like me who loves a manual transmission, the enjoyment of a manual transmission is so much better than just paddle shifts and just... | ||
| Or keeping it in drive and just driving around. | ||
| I mean sure that's better in terms of like speed and efficiency, but part of what's fun about a vehicle is your engagement with it. | ||
| You know, you're shifting. | ||
| It's putting that clutch in and pushing it forward. | ||
| But only with a six-cylinder engine. | ||
| What is the other engine? | ||
| A four-cylinder? | ||
| Must be, right? | ||
| I just saw that and clicked on it so you get that info, but... | ||
| Oh boy, that's good. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| That's smart because they want to make something that's exciting. | ||
| The new Z car. | ||
| I don't know what number they're calling the new Z car, but the new Z car comes in a manual. | ||
| These fucking guys that make these cars. | ||
| Look, I know you want to make them the fastest zero to 60, but you also want to make it fun to drive. | ||
| And fun to drive for a lot of people like myself is manual. | ||
| Manuals are more fun. | ||
| It's like quite a bit more fun. | ||
| When I drive my Chevelle, and I'm driving that thing, it's, man, I'm shifting. | ||
| I feel like I'm in a fucking movie. | ||
| That shifting of the gears yourself, it's like, ah! | ||
| So exciting. | ||
| So exciting. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, I can live without it. | ||
| It keeps me. | ||
| I like both hands on the wheel and hitting the gas and focusing solely on not spinning out. | ||
| That's good, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, your car is also supremely balanced. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Like, when you open up that back trunk, you see that engine sitting right there behind the passenger, or behind the driver, rather. | ||
| Like, right in front of the back wheels. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Total game changer. | ||
| Our buddy got us good because he knew I was going to buy that. | ||
|
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|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Well, you should. | ||
| Corvette ZR1 could pack 850 horsepower from twin turbo V8. I'll do you one better. | ||
| They have an electric hybrid four-wheel drive Corvette coming out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be electric hybrid four-wheel drive Corvette. | ||
| Electric? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They've been practicing in the snow. | ||
| It's a hybrid, like the new NSX. The new NSX has a combustion engine that's very powerful. | ||
| And then on top of that, it has electric engines that add instantaneous acceleration to the wheels. | ||
| Electric Corvette confirmed. | ||
| Hybrid arriving in 2023. And this, they don't know exactly what's going on because they're just seeing like test mules run. | ||
| But one thing they know about these test mules is that they're spinning off the front tires. | ||
| So they're watching them driving snow and shit and spinning off the front tires. | ||
| Unless there's been more information that's leaked. | ||
| But that's clear. | ||
| I don't know why they cover it up with the design, like they camouflage it, because we already know what the regular one looks like now. | ||
| Like before, when we didn't know what it looked like, it made sense that they were covering it up. | ||
| Let me see what the pictures look like, they're fake covered up pictures. | ||
| So it's wider, it looks like, see the fenders, how they're flared out? | ||
| See like with the rear fender and the front fender, how it looks like they're more bulbous? | ||
| It's because they go out further sideways, which means it's got a wider track, so it has wider tires on it. | ||
| I bet it's going to be a fucking monster. | ||
| Because that platform that they're building it on, that platform is so good. | ||
| They did a drag race with a C8 Corvette. | ||
| See if you can find this. | ||
| C8 Corvette versus Shelby GT500. Now, a Shelby GT500 has 700 plus horsepower. | ||
| The Corvette has 495. The Corvette's faster. | ||
| Ooh, I like that. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| It feels like it. | ||
| It's weight. | ||
| It's because it's a fiberglass car. | ||
| It's weight. | ||
| It's fairly lightweight. | ||
| It's also the distribution of the weight is right over the rear wheels. | ||
| It's in the center, right? | ||
| But it's good. | ||
| So it gets plenty of traction. | ||
| It's one of the things that makes Porsches move so fast is their weight. | ||
| The engine weight is right over the rear wheels. | ||
| That's a rear engine car. | ||
| The Corvette is even more balanced than that. | ||
| The Corvette's a mid-engine car, like the Cayman. | ||
| The Cayman is probably the best balanced out of Porsches, but they make it a little bit underpowered because the 911 is their bread and butter. | ||
| That's like the classic, iconic vehicle. | ||
| Yeah, I rented a car in LA when we were there a few weeks ago for the weekend, and I realized... | ||
| I feel so much safer in my Corvette. | ||
| Being able to have the ability to accelerate out of a problem feels like twice as much as just being able to brake. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You need both, but you can definitely avoid things. | ||
| Your car's nimble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That means a lot. | ||
| If you can get away from some shit that's going down. | ||
| Because if you're in a truck, like a big, heavy, wobbly truck, and you have to turn fast, you're fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You're in one of those cars. | ||
| You might be able to avoid something that somebody might not be. | ||
| I don't know if there's one you were looking for, but I found a few. | ||
| There's one on Hennessy's page. | ||
| Oh, well, the thing about Hennessy, oh, is Hennessy doing it? | ||
| Because he takes that Corvette, the regular Corvette, and wait for it, ready? | ||
| Makes the motherfucker a thousand horsepower. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine your car, but a thousand horsepower. | ||
| Look how fast that Corvette is going. | ||
| And one of the reasons is because the tires don't hook up that quick on the GT500 because it doesn't have the weight in the back. | ||
| And I used to say, well, at least the GT500, you can get it in a stick shift, but you can't even get it in a stick shift anymore. | ||
| Everything is moving to fucking stupid automatics. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| But the C8's just a superior car. | ||
| Superior looks, superior design, superior handling. | ||
| It's the best Corvette of all time. | ||
| And, bonus, if you're a golfer, it literally fits a golf bag perfectly in the back trunk. | ||
| The front trunk I use for everything. | ||
| There's nothing more fun than popping the hood and pulling out a gym bag and going to work out or whatever. | ||
| But the back specifically, the back slot, so you see your engine that you just drove 25 minutes to a golf course and you can sort of feel the heat if you drive like a maniac like I like to drive. | ||
| Out here on these Texas lawless streets. | ||
| Right behind you. | ||
| You feel it right behind you. | ||
| And when you crack open that trunk, you feel the heat of the engine and it's just enough for literally a golf bag. | ||
| Like it is that size. | ||
| Do you want to go to a racetrack with that car? | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| I could set that up. | ||
| I know a guy. | ||
| Okay, sweet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know a guy. | ||
| We could set up some hot laps and do some shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tommy's done it out here a bunch. | ||
| You know, Tommy's a freak for cars. | ||
| Tommy has a, I don't know, is he talking? | ||
| Well, I'm telling anybody. | ||
| I was going to say, I don't know if he keeps this a secret, but he bought a Cayman, and he had it sent down to this place in Florida that converts it into 560 horsepower. | ||
| So it's a manual transmission, 560 horsepower Cayman, and it's a fucking demon. | ||
| He brought it to my house, and just the sound of it, I was like, oh my God, dude, this sounds glorious. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| It sounded so good. | ||
| As he was driving off, I just cupped my ears. | ||
| That's what we're going to miss with electric cars. | ||
| Yeah, that's the part. | ||
| I'm not really that pumped about the thought of an electric Corvette. | ||
| Have you driven a Tesla before? | ||
| Yeah, I just don't see. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| My car? | ||
| You want to have a race? | ||
| Yeah, no, I know. | ||
| My Tesla that I have out there, that fucking family vehicle, that thing will leave you in the dust. | ||
| I know, but it's so quiet and... | ||
| It's silent. | ||
|
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|
...lame. | |
| It's like a nerd in class. | ||
| It's like driving an iPhone. | ||
| You have to charge it. | ||
| It just seems too pure. | ||
| It seems like too good of a thing. | ||
| Too good of a thing? | ||
| I like smoking cigarettes and burning oil. | ||
| Give me a hot cup of coffee throw a shot of espresso in that coffee Yeah, but if you compare that to manual transmissions and old muscle cars, then you understand me, because that's what I like. | ||
| I go all the way. | ||
| I like cars that are almost completely just unpractical or impractical, and then a car that's from the future, like my Tesla. | ||
| I love driving that car. | ||
| The only thing I don't like is I don't have a fucking horn on the steering wheel. | ||
| The steering wheel doesn't have a horn in the center. | ||
| The horn's a button. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Apparently, for the new ones, they moved the horn to the center. | ||
| It's the only thing I don't like about it. | ||
| I can get used to the buttons being the directional changers on buttons. | ||
| The stalk's the best, though. | ||
| Why fuck with perfection? | ||
| That stalk for changing, like, that way goes left, that way goes right. | ||
| We've been doing that forever. | ||
| It's so easy to do. | ||
| Why would you remove that? | ||
| But in their infinite wisdom to put everything minimalist and, you know, make everything buttons that's on the steering wheel, they removed everything. | ||
| The turning? | ||
| Signal? | ||
| Buttons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yes. | ||
| On the Tesla? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| See what I'm talking about. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Not only is it not good, you don't know if you're hitting the left or the right until you look down. | ||
| That's what it looks like now. | ||
| That's what my steering... | ||
| I'll show you outside. | ||
| If you want to drive it though, you'll throw your car in the garbage. | ||
| No, I will not. | ||
| It's so much faster than your car. | ||
| It seems like you're time traveling. | ||
| I mean, I can't imagine going faster than how fast I already go. | ||
| How about twice as fast? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| That car's twice as fast as your car. | ||
| Well, I mean, it can't be twice as fast. | ||
| That's what you're saying until you hit the gas. | ||
| No, come on, Joe. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| That car goes zero to 60 in 1.9 seconds. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Where can you do that at? | ||
| Wherever no one's looking. | ||
| 60 isn't even violating the speed limit. | ||
| You can merge onto an on-ramp. | ||
| When you merge onto an on-ramp on a highway, you instantaneously go the speed limit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shoo! | |
| Going zero to 60 silently isn't... | ||
| It's like if a tree falls in the forest. | ||
| Going to zero to 60 without the sound of an engine. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's not at all. | ||
| It's like you hit the gas and you go, oh shit! | ||
| And you go flying. | ||
| Dude, if you're a passenger, I'll have your shit in your pants. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, you drove me once. | ||
| We drove from the Hollywood Improv to the Comedy Store. | ||
| That's the old one. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The new one's even faster. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| A lot faster. | ||
| I remember that one. | ||
| I remember specifically the feeling of the back of my head being smushed against the passenger seat. | ||
| This new one is almost a full second faster 0-60. | ||
| It's so fast. | ||
| It's about a half a second fast. | ||
| Well, what is it? | ||
| The old one, I think, was 2.5 seconds zero to 60, something like that. | ||
| So it's six tenths. | ||
| Six tenths of a second faster zero to 60. Think of that. | ||
| That's how fast it is. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's so fast. | ||
| It's effortless. | ||
| Like, if you want to go around something, if some shit's going on, just go... | ||
| And you're just there. | ||
| You're there like instantly. | ||
| And nothing... | ||
| It's like you're... | ||
|
unidentified
|
But doesn't it go like, beep, beep, beep, there's cars in the right lane. | |
| Or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. | |
| Seems like it would beep a lot. | ||
| Like a lot of alerts. | ||
| Because it knows what's going on. | ||
| My Corvette, it's like, if you want to wrap it around a tree, bro, you're going to have to buy another one. | ||
| Is that what it says? | ||
| No. | ||
| It says nothing. | ||
| It says... | ||
| I love your car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Either way. | |
| I love it. | ||
| I just love that they still make cars like that. | ||
| I love that... | ||
| I mean, this is a weird time for cars. | ||
| Because it's that transition between the combustion engines and the electric engines. | ||
| They're saying right now that some cars is the last they're going to offer of a certain car before they go electric. | ||
| So quite a few cars are just going to fade out or become electric. | ||
| Like Cadillacs. | ||
| Cadillac is putting out... | ||
| They have a four-door sedan that you can buy that's fast as fuck that has a manual transmission. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I'm like, who are you marketing this for? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's a weird car. | ||
| It's... | ||
| I forget what it's called. | ||
| Something wing? | ||
| Something wing? | ||
| But it's a preposterous car. | ||
| Like, it's so strange. | ||
| It's like fast as an M5. It's four doors. | ||
| And it has a stick shift and a clutch. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Some new Cadillac four-door manual transmission supercar. | ||
| It's a truck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | |
| It's a sedan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blackhawk. | |
| Blackwing. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I was saying wing. | ||
| Is wing? | ||
| Blackwing? | ||
| What does it look like? | ||
| Is it shaped like a sports car or like a luxury car? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like a luxury car. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| A luxury car that's fast as fuck. | ||
| And here's the thing. | ||
| It has four doors and a manual transmission. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Here's something that I've noticed lately, because again, not only did I get a rental in LA, but I also had a, what is it, a borrow car here from the dealership that gave me this Porsche brand new 2022 luxury automobile. | ||
| And the luxury of the Corvette? | ||
| Exceeds the luxury of these luxury cars. | ||
| What did you have? | ||
| What kind of luxury car did you get? | ||
| A Porsche. | ||
| Taycan? | ||
| No, that's the electric one, right? | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's the new Cadillac. | ||
| That's a wild-looking Cadillac. | ||
| That is cool. | ||
| It's really fast as fuck, too. | ||
| They should bring back some of those old ones. | ||
| Those old boat body, those thick boys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the thing about that car, your car, is the suspension is a magnetic adjustable suspension. | ||
| And so the suspension is attached to a computer, and the computer reads the road. | ||
| So if the road is fucked up, it smooths out the fucked up parts. | ||
| And if the road is flat, it stiffens the suspension, so it helps your handling. | ||
| And when it gets disturbed, I mean, it does calculations, like some insane speed of calculations that recognizes... | ||
| The terrain and the differences of terrain. | ||
| The magnetic ride suspensions that GM vehicles are using now, the Cadillac uses it, and the Corvette uses an even more sophisticated version, I think. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| My Corvette, if you push the button, it raises the front five inches, which is critical everywhere. | ||
| LA was crazy. | ||
| Really crazy. | ||
| Because some of these parking lots, they're just not built properly. | ||
| But doesn't it remember? | ||
| If you press another button. | ||
| So really easy right thumb on the wheel thing to remember. | ||
| So it could be a one-time thing. | ||
| Or you press that button again, so like every time I go to my coffee shop, which has a weird lip on the front, it raises all the way, and it stays raised until I'm out. | ||
| And then, once you're, whatever, 40, 60 feet away from your GPS remembered spot, it lowers itself. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it is the best because it was so annoying. | ||
| Even just the 2019 because it sounds worse than it is. | ||
| It's just plastic, but that scrape would just... | ||
|
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|
You can't be cool pulling in a car when it's scraping. | |
| Not at all. | ||
| And what I noticed is always like the passenger saying like, oof! | ||
| Like that's the part that was more annoying because it's like they think that I just did something in my car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ruined your car. | |
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's only a matter of time before all cars are autonomous. | ||
| I would say it's probably 20 years. | ||
| I would say within 20 years from now, you're not going to see anybody driving their car on the road, unless they're nuts. | ||
| It's fluffy, driving around one of his fucking VW buses. | ||
| I think most people are going to be driving some sort of an autonomous vehicle. | ||
| You get in it, you program your directions, and it goes, and we're going to realize that they're safer and going to reduce accidents in an incredible way. | ||
| Probably going to eliminate them. | ||
| When you get everybody on the system, and they're all in those things, but you know what freaks me out? | ||
| When the Ukraine invasion happened, when it first happened, a lot of people were saying that Elon Musk should shut off all the Teslas that are in Ukraine. | ||
| And I was thinking, like, wait a minute. | ||
| He could do that? | ||
| Yeah, of course he could do that. | ||
| And I was like, ooh, that's not good. | ||
| It's not good to have someone have the ability to shut off your fucking car when you're on the highway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They could just shut it off? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, they can do that if you're in a chase in some vehicles. | ||
| In some vehicles, like, I think it's OnStar. | ||
| It may be, look up this. | ||
| Does OnStar have the ability to shut off a car if it's being stolen? | ||
| They have to. | ||
| So if it's not just if it's being stolen, that also means if they're in pursuit of you. | ||
| So if you're in that C8 Corvette and some cops are chasing after you in some fucking shitbox, stupid fucking Ford Explorer, they're going to keep up with you? | ||
| Good luck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're going to be taking quarters like this. | |
| You're going to be gone. | ||
| OnStar's stolen vehicle assistance can help counteract. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| A member has filed a police report and once authorities have confirmed conditions are appropriate, an OnStar advisor can send a signal to disable the stolen vehicle's engine and gradually slow the vehicle to an idle speed to assist police in recovering the vehicle. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| So you have to file a police report. | ||
| But that's like, how long does that take? | ||
| And all those high-speed chase videos we've seen, I feel like I've never seen, and they're like, oh, and OnStar got them, and the car stopped. | ||
| Yeah, they had different cars. | ||
| But click on that bottom part that said, how do you disable OnStar? | ||
| Go back onto it. | ||
| How do thieves disable OnStar? | ||
| Right there? | ||
| Search for? | ||
| Bottom? | ||
| I clicked on, it's right here. | ||
| Oh, oh, sorry, sorry. | ||
| The only way to completely eliminate OnStar is to physically disconnect the module from your vehicle. | ||
| Other than the OnStar system and its related services, automatic crash response and emergency services, no other system in the vehicle should stop working when you disconnect the module. | ||
| Oh, well, fucking, I just... | ||
| Grab that thing with a pair of pliers and we're good to go. | ||
| Coppers, see ya! | ||
| That onstar's the shit. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| When you have to use it and they do it, you're like, wow. | ||
| It's great if you lock your keys in your car. | ||
| They'll just open your car for you. | ||
| You make a phone call and they open your keys. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, I'm right here. | ||
| And they're like, okay. | ||
| And you hear, thoop. | ||
| You hear that lock unlock. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| That is so trusting. | ||
| Big brother, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So trusting the man to look over you. | ||
| I never thought about that OnStar thing. | ||
| So that's in my car for sure. | ||
| So they already, the thing I'm most worried about with the electric car is being able to shut everything down. | ||
| They can already do that to me. | ||
| Well, grab that module with a pair of pliers and yank that fucker right out of the dash. | ||
| You don't need your OnStar. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to keep it. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's convenient. | ||
| I think the odds of me locking my keys in my car are better than me getting in a police chase. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's modern conveniences. | ||
| They're pretty special. | ||
| But there's something also to no conveniences. | ||
| There's something to just... | ||
| Driving old things. | ||
| I think when you get some cash, as you become a wealthy comedian, you're going to start collecting some cars. | ||
| I can see you. | ||
| We're going to have to get you into an old muscle car. | ||
| What do you think you would look good in? | ||
| I think you'd look good in a 1969 Corvette. | ||
| Is that what Ron has? | ||
| Ron has a Corvette. | ||
| No, Ron has C1. You know mine? | ||
| I have a C2. So I have a 65. And Ron has a... | ||
| I think he has a late 50s. | ||
| He's a beautiful car. | ||
| Yeah, whatever that is. | ||
| See if you can find Ron White's Corvette. | ||
| I'm sure it's... | ||
| It's a 56. Is it? | ||
| That's gorgeous. | ||
| Whatever that thing is, is the dream. | ||
| Yeah, my friend Casey is working on it right now. | ||
| He's putting fuel injection in Ron's car. | ||
| That's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| That's it right there. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's so nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, that's nice. | |
| His has a trunk. | ||
| You open it up, there's a bar in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| And now you open it up, it just has a bag of dirt with mushrooms growing in it. | ||
| It's a great car, though. | ||
| The guy who built it did a fucking fantastic job. | ||
| Is that someone driving it? | ||
| Kurt Busch. | ||
| A NASCAR driver? | ||
| Yeah, NASCAR champion. | ||
| Is he going to give it a beat ride? | ||
|
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|
Braun in true form with his cigar. | |
| Let's see this. | ||
| Listen to the sound of that. | ||
| That's what you can't fuck with an electric car. | ||
| That echoey, kind of tinny, muscle car sound, like that sound. | ||
| I love that sound. | ||
| Listen to that. | ||
| Look at that car, Ron White. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| That's a hell of a car. | ||
| One of the coolest humans on planet Earth. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| He's one of those guys that, like, he's a good poster boy for getting sober. | ||
| Yeah, I can't imagine there really being a better one because that's a guy that we only saw with a drink in his hand forever. | ||
| He sells tequila. | ||
| He's got a tequila company. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Number one tequila. | ||
| He shells for it after. | ||
| Shells for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's one of the big reasons why I moved out here. | ||
| We had so much fun. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| The way he talked to me about it. | ||
| But he moved out here long before the pandemic. | ||
| He was telling me how great it was. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| You love it that much? | ||
| He goes, well, I'm going to be in LA every now and then. | ||
| I'm going to come and do the store. | ||
| But man, it's just a better life for me out here. | ||
| Because, you know, he's a golfer. | ||
| Golf and live music. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Getting to having the option to go see multiple different types of shows a night. | ||
| Is unbelievable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The bands that we get to see. | ||
| The energy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's good for the soul. | ||
| It is, right? | ||
| And it feels like... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| We had a good thing going on in LA, but it feels better now. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| It feels like... | ||
| The only thing that's missing is guys like Diaz being around on a regular basis. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But we have enough guys that are around on a regular basis that are really killing it. | ||
| It feels like something special. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| And you know what else is exciting? | ||
| Stand Up Live this weekend, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| In Phoenix, Arizona, Tony motherfucking Hinchcliffe, William Montgomery. | ||
| Tickets available. | ||
| Go to standuplive.com or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe on Instagram. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That must be the McVader, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did that. | |
| It's too good for anybody else. | ||
| Yeah, he does all my stuff. | ||
| Thursday, I'm at the Copper Blues Live, which I guess is in like Northern Phoenix or something like that. | ||
| Oh, never even heard of it. | ||
| Yeah, it's a new club from those guys who are the best. | ||
| That's one of the best clubs in the country, stand-up live. | ||
| Yes, it's an amazing club. | ||
| It's an amazing club. | ||
| It's a great spot, too. | ||
| It's a big-ass place, man. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| I'll probably be there Friday, hang out with you, and Saturday is the UFC. You're going to come for some of the fights. | ||
| I'm going to try, yeah. | ||
| Phoenix, Arizona, we'll see you soon. | ||
| And Atlantic City, I think there's tickets available for Saturday. | ||
| I think Friday's gone, but there's some tickets available for Saturday for Atlantic City. | ||
| We're going to have some fun with Joey Diaz. | ||
| Tony Inchclef, I love you. | ||
|
unidentified
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You're the best. | |
| So much fun. | ||
| Love you, too. | ||
| We've been having a good time, man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Great time. | ||
|
unidentified
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We've been having a lot of fun. | |
| Hell yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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All right. |
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