Feds Allowed Park Violence?
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
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The Joe Rogan Experience.
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Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
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Hey, we're up and running to the cuddle party.
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Hey, comedy.
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There we go, Gil!
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So what are we calling this?
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Are we calling this Protect Our Parks?
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I think it's Protect Our Parks.
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We need a better name.
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We didn't do a good job protecting the last one.
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What happened to the park?
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It's gone.
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50 acres, just a dirt pile now.
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That is so crazy that they allowed them to do that.
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They just totally did that.
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You know nobody in the city voted for that.
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Not a single person!
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Fucking evil, man.
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It's evil.
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There's definitely a prison in there or high-rises in no time.
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What is the general consensus about the new mayor of New York?
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Oh, it's bad already.
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I saw people get mad at him.
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I think it seems nice.
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I saw people get mad at him and he says, we have to protect the low-wage employees.
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Because he's like, the people at Dunkin' Donuts.
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And he goes, they're not educated.
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They're not smart enough to be in a corner office.
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And everyone's like, what?
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Oh, Jesus.
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His point was protect them.
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But the way he said it, people were like, what's that supposed to mean?
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You've got to protect these morons.
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But he's hired his brother, and he gave him like half a mil.
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$250,000.
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There you go.
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His last job, I think, was parking cars.
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Oh, really?
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How much did he get for that?
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Just whatever you can clear out of the middle?
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That's a nice thing, though.
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That's what you want in your leader.
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Somebody who's willing to hook his brother up.
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I don't want a guy who wouldn't hook his brother up.
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Right, I don't want a guy who shits on his brother.
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That's what they said about Cuomo.
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They're like, why'd you hook your brother up?
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What?
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It's his brother!
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What are you talking about?
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I think it's the way he did it, though, right?
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Wasn't the Cuomo thing?
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Too Italian.
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He was using his influence to, like, gather information about his accusers.
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Mmm, that's a good bro.
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That's a good bro.
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You're supposed to do that.
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You're just supposed to shut the fuck up about it and not put it on Gmail.
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Yeah.
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Ooh, you gotta go Yahoo, baby.
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Everything on Gmail is now up for everybody.
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Signal.
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Go to Signal.
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What's Signal?
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That's what the drug dealers use.
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No, fucking insurrectionists.
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Oh, everybody.
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Disappearing messages.
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To the one year.
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To the one-year anniversary of the greatest upset.
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It was the greatest upset in sports.
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Nobody saw it coming.
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They just did throw in Buster Douglas as the greatest upset.
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A couple of them climbed that wall pretty good.
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I mean, it was impressive.
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They were out of shape.
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Those were the feds.
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Yeah.
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Oh.
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The ones that scaled it were the feds.
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Did you fucking see the thing where Ted Cruz is grilling that lady from the FBI and he asked her, the whole, runs the gamut of, were federal agents involved in any violence?
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We can't answer that.
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We can't answer that.
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Were federal agents involved in inciting violence or trying to court?
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We can't answer that.
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Yeah.
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You should always ask a follow-up question, like, is Coke the same as Sprite?
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And I'll be like, no.
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Okay, that's your baseline.
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Right.
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So then, we can't answer this.
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What does that mean?
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We can't answer this.
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Oh, God.
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Who knows?
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We have a fucking distinct lack of marijuana in this room.
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Uh-oh.
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We've made an error.
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I'll be right back.
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Talk amongst yourselves.
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Oh, you got some?
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Hey!
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Whoa!
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I got hit hard by that.
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That one hurt.
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He sucker punched me with that.
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I'll be right back.
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Talk amongst yourself.
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The park went down.
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Ari's a real dickhead.
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I don't even watch the news.
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I haven't seen any news stories since Larry Nassar.
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You don't watch it.
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It's so smart not to.
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Sorry, NASA wasn't great.
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I mean, that was the peak.
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I got out.
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You saw NASA and you were like, I'm done.
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This is good.
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I got enough.
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What's the news?
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There's nothing for me there.
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Somehow it involved Me Too and sports.
Dave Attell Joke
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It's a good combo.
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That's true.
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That should be a sport.
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Me Too.
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Yeah, the Me Too Olympics.
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Let's call...
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What's that?
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University?
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Penn State?
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They're doing good.
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Was it Penn State with Sandusky?
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Yeah, it's Sandusky.
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Penn State, yeah.
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They really let that other guy go, huh?
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The dead one?
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Jopa.
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Jopa.
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You knew something!
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He died on the spot.
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He got lung cancer and died right away.
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What?
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From misery.
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From grief.
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Yeah, he checked out.
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I think it's a Dave Attell joke.
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He's like, but were they playing better?
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Something like that.
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They really did have a good defense.
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I love Sandusky.
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He had a...
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Not in the shower.
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In his backyard faced a kindergarten or something like that, or a playground, and he's like, I just like to go out there and watch the kids afterwards.
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I'm like, wait, don't do that.
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He goes, why?
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You're like, what?
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This pod is so much better without Rogan.
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Oh, man.
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Joking!
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Joking!
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All right, put it away.
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Get the weed.
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He dosed you.
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We were just talking about Sandusky.
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Yeah, remember him?
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Oh, yeah.
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He was good.
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Is he in jail?
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I think he's dead.
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No, Paterno's dead.
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He's in jail.
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I thought he died in jail or something.
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He got asked to be transferred to a juvenile facility.
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He identifies as a kid.
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Well, they're doing that now with male prisoners who are transgender.
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They're putting them in female prisons.
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And a lot of them are, like, guilty of sexual assault, and they're putting them in prison with females.
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And all they gotta do is say, hey, say you're a chick.
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It's a smart move.
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I mean, why wouldn't you do that?
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Well, one guy did, and then immediately upon release started identifying as a man again.
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Damn.
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Like, literally identify as a woman.
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You gotta give that guy some respect.
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Yeah, respect.
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Well, he gamed the system.
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But the system is really fucking stupid.
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Yikes.
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It's such a dumb...
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It's like, what a dumb thing this identity politics has given us.
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This ability for a sexual offender to just change their gender by saying, I identify with a woman.
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You keep your dick.
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You don't have to get an operation.
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You don't have to get hormone treatments.
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There should be some sort of test, like becoming a citizen.
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Should be a test.
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You have to know some stuff about womanhood.
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Some menstruation stuff.
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Golden Girls.
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Name a purse.
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Name three purses.
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Yes.
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One Sex and the City character.
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Manolo something.
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Which one of the Sex and the City was a slut?
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Kim Cattrall.
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Kim Cattrall was the real slut.
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Yeah, you gotta be able to say that.
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Oh, right, right, right, right, right.
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Samantha.
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Were they all sluts?
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I mean, I don't know.
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They were all pretty slutty.
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No, one was like very...
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How come she wasn't in the new one?
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Because she's got some fucking...
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Because women hate women?
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Integrity.
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Is that what it is?
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No, she goes, we did it.
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They were fighting or something.
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No, she was like, we did it.
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We had a whole run.
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Why are we revisiting this?
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Have you seen the new season?
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Pretty wild.
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Yo, you see the stand-up scene in it?
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No.
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You gotta see it.
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It's horrific.
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It's like 10 minutes long.
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Is Sex and the City a stand-up now?
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There's a stand-up.
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They go see a show.
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She's trans.
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Yeah, they see a trans woman do stand-up.
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Oh, Christ.
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No, I don't know if she's trans.
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She's genderless.
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Oh, non-binary, really?
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Oh, she doesn't even exist.
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What prison do they go to?
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So why are you saying she?
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True.
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You say zay, you piece of shit.
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Alright, I apologize.
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The fuck is wrong with you?
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You're in trouble.
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You gotta learn the new rules, bro.
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If you want to operate in today's society, what, are you scared of weed?
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I hate weed, dude.
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It's for genderless people.
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I'm straight as hell, dude.
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Oh, I better not.
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Did you do it?
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No, I can't.
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I'll just hug my knees and mumble.
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Well, could you please do that?
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That would make me happy.
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That would be pretty cool.
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No, no, I can't.
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Maybe later on.
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We'll wear off in an hour.
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It'd be fun to watch you.
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It's not pretty.
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We'll wear off in four hours.
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It's just me and you, Ari.
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These pussies.
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Man, I already got the Glenlivet cooking.
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This is good stuff, right?
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Glenlivet 18 is not bad.
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18 years old.
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Not bad.
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So, save our parks or cuddle party?
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What's the consensus?
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What else can we name?
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We can branch out a little bit.
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Four cunts.
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That's not bad.
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The four cunts of the apocalypse.
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Oh, yeah.
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That's a good name for sex in the city.
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Let's see.
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Toxic non-gender specific.
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Yeah.
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Humans.
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Non-binary.
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Asexual.
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Queefs.
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Queefs, yeah.
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I vote no name.
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Queefer Sutherland.
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You have what?
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No name.
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No name?
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Like Prince?
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We can't code name.
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No names for us?
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Okay.
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Well, you know what we could do?
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We could just internally call ourselves different things.
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We could secretly call ourselves fun things.
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All the time.
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Absolutely.
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Like our text message thread is now protect our parks.
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Which I'm strongly opposed to.
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He's not going to be on this show.
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I'm strongly opposed to that.
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Started with Ari's idea, which I like the best, is cuddle party.
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Because you want to call, like, the cancel crew or something.
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I'm like, man, it's too leaning into it.
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I think it's like, I got a big dick.
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You want to call, I got a big dick.
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Look at my chest.
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Tony, we go with the Klan.
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The Klan?
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Yeah.
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How about guys?
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Guys Klan.
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Yeah.
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Guys Klan.
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Just guys.
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Four rebels.
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Four guys in a Klan.
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But spelled with a K. Mmm.
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Mmm.
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Yeah.
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Shut up.
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The Dude Clucks clan.
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Interesting.
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Dude Cucks.
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Cucks.
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Dude Cucks.
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Yeah.
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Cucks.
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Cuckerberg.
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Yeah.
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Cucks is good.
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You guys are dorks.
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Four Woke Cucks.
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Yeah.
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Four Woke Cucks.
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Alright, we're getting somewhere.
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The Mighty Cucks.
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The Mighty Cucks.
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Oh yeah, the Anaheim Mighty Cucks.
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That's right.
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Yeah.
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Was that the first time a sports team was ever named after a movie?
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I think so.
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The raptors also was right around then.
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It was around Jurassic Park, you're right.
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Was it really?
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Yeah.
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Do you know that raptors, those raptors are really little?
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They're not big like that.
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Really?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Apparently Steven Spielberg was consulting with a dinosaur expert and he found out how little the raptors were and he's like, that's not going to work.
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We need them to be big.
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So he made them like seven feet tall.
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But real raptors are like 24 inches tall.
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They're like tiny little things.
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Make sure that's true.
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I don't think they're very big.
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They're very ferocious.
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They can open doors.
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Two feet tall.
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Clever girl.
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Yeah, that's good.
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I saw that in the theater.
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It scared the shit out of me.
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I was 10 years old.
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What a good movie that was.
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Great movie.
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In the theater, when you saw the first dinosaur, it's like, what?
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Unreal.
► 00:09:33
When the T-Rex comes over the fence, when you see the goat is missing and the T-Rex comes over the fence.
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I was sad about that goat.
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That fucking sound.
► 00:09:42
That's how they feed Kirstie Alley.
► 00:09:45
That's a crazy reference.
► 00:09:50
Veronica's Closet?
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She was a big target for a while.
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She came away and people were like, I'm a big target.
► 00:09:59
Who's the new fat person to make fun of?
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See, that's how big they were.
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They were little.
► 00:10:03
I gotta up my references.
► 00:10:04
The real recent velociraptors are so big in Jurassic Park.
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Yeah, it's just because Steven Spielberg.
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You go Lizzo.
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Oh, there you go.
► 00:10:11
She was always that.
► 00:10:13
You need someone who wasn't fat and that became.
► 00:10:15
Well, you know what's funny is when they're fat, and then they lose weight, and then everybody gets mad at them, like Adele.
► 00:10:20
Yeah, that is weird.
► 00:10:22
The big girls are mad.
► 00:10:23
You are our hero.
► 00:10:24
Yeah, you are us, and now you're not.
► 00:10:26
You're another hot girl.
► 00:10:27
Why did you put that burger down?
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You fucking bitch.
► 00:10:31
Cuck Liddell?
► 00:10:34
I've been sitting on that for 20 minutes.
► 00:10:38
It's a funny thing when people do better with their life and the people that love them don't go, that's awesome!
► 00:10:45
I'm gonna do that too.
► 00:10:46
Look, she can do it.
► 00:10:47
If Adele can do it, I can do it too.
► 00:10:48
I'll be honest, I don't like it.
► 00:10:50
I don't like it one bit.
► 00:10:51
Why?
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When I see somebody start dressing cool and being handsome.
► 00:10:55
You can't relate to them?
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No, I don't like that.
► 00:10:57
Oh, if they used to be fat, then they start slimming down.
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That's what happens.
► 00:11:01
When you're fat and you lose weight, you start dressing cool.
► 00:11:03
That's true.
► 00:11:04
Because you can finally wear clothes.
► 00:11:05
You don't have to wear a hoodie every day.
► 00:11:07
Who's done that?
► 00:11:08
Give me an example.
► 00:11:10
Not Seth Rogen, the other one.
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In that clan, in that group.
► 00:11:13
Jonah Hill!
► 00:11:13
Jonah Hill.
► 00:11:14
He's never been hot, though.
► 00:11:15
Well, he's more like a surfer now, but he's jacked now.
► 00:11:18
Is he?
► 00:11:18
Jonah Hill's in great shape.
► 00:11:19
What?
► 00:11:20
That guy fluctuates like a motherfucker.
► 00:11:22
He's like Oprah.
► 00:11:23
He's the white Oprah.
► 00:11:24
Well, you know what?
► 00:11:24
I mean, he was dealing with a lot of what he thought was body issues, and just dealing with being big and didn't like it and felt embarrassed, and then finally fucking did something about it.
► 00:11:35
And he dealt with it for a long-ass time.
► 00:11:37
Lost some weight, gained it back, but now he looks great.
► 00:11:41
It was great, right?
► 00:11:42
I thought Big was beautiful.
► 00:11:43
I'm not saying he was chunky, but he posted something to stop talking.
► 00:11:47
He looks like hell.
► 00:11:48
He looks homeless.
► 00:11:50
I know you mean well, but I kindly ask you not comment on my body, good or bad.
► 00:11:56
You skipped heart emoji.
► 00:11:58
I was trying not to throw up.
► 00:12:00
I want to politely let you know it's not helpful and it doesn't feel good.
► 00:12:07
Much respect.
► 00:12:08
Shane, can you read that?
► 00:12:08
I want to hear that in your voice.
► 00:12:09
That's what I said.
► 00:12:10
Dude, this is all you need to see.
► 00:12:12
Next time.
► 00:12:13
Can you read this?
► 00:12:14
Don't comment on Shane's body, heart, good or bad.
► 00:12:17
Shane wants to politely let you know.
► 00:12:18
This is a big text.
► 00:12:19
You ever see his cell phone?
► 00:12:20
He's got the giant letters because he can't read.
► 00:12:22
He had his eyeballs.
► 00:12:22
He got him a cricket.
► 00:12:24
Do you have readers yet?
► 00:12:25
I thought you got your eyeballs fixed.
► 00:12:26
I did.
► 00:12:27
I had LASIK. Oh, you did?
► 00:12:28
Yeah, it's wearing off.
► 00:12:29
What?
► 00:12:31
It's wearing off.
► 00:12:31
Yeah, I feel it wearing off.
► 00:12:33
What do you mean it's wearing off?
► 00:12:34
LASIK wears off?
► 00:12:35
I didn't know.
► 00:12:36
What about the cane?
► 00:12:37
Still got the cane?
► 00:12:37
I'm hoping you can do it again.
► 00:12:40
You were going to go for a second.
► 00:12:41
By the way, that was the first shot.
► 00:12:43
You heard it.
► 00:12:43
What?
► 00:12:44
I thought you did it.
► 00:12:45
You did it.
► 00:12:45
No, no, no.
► 00:12:46
You said, Shane, could you read that?
► 00:12:47
I just asked you legitimately if you could read that or not.
► 00:12:49
No, that was the first shot.
► 00:12:51
I think you're a little drunk and a little lippy.
► 00:12:54
I'm sober as a bird, Joe.
► 00:12:55
This is what he said.
► 00:12:56
He said, could you read it in your voice?
► 00:12:57
Yeah.
► 00:12:58
He wanted me to read, stop talking about my body.
► 00:13:01
He was taking a shot.
► 00:13:02
I see.
► 00:13:03
You might be right.
► 00:13:03
I'm totally right.
► 00:13:04
Drastically disagree with what you're saying.
► 00:13:06
You might be right.
► 00:13:07
Guys, you're fat, you're old, can we get along?
► 00:13:09
No, the effects of LASIK do not wear off.
► 00:13:11
However, certain normal aging changes inside the eye over time may affect your refractive stability.
► 00:13:18
For example, if your eyes had been corrected for distance when you're younger, when you get into your early or mid-40s, something called prespoise.
► 00:13:30
Presbyopia will occur.
► 00:13:31
So you're fucked.
► 00:13:32
You got presbyopia.
► 00:13:33
And now we're doing your early 40s.
► 00:13:34
You can't read anymore.
► 00:13:35
Why?
► 00:13:36
Can't you do it again?
► 00:13:37
Presbyopia?
► 00:13:38
You don't want to do that again.
► 00:13:39
Do you want to go in there again?
► 00:13:39
You got a laser in your eye?
► 00:13:41
They cut the layer off your eyeball, and then they just go...
► 00:13:43
Wow.
► 00:13:44
Lasers, and then you can't look at it.
► 00:13:45
You have to look straight forward.
► 00:13:46
It's this far away from your eye, and if you start moving around, he's like, stop, stop moving!
► 00:13:49
Stop moving!
► 00:13:50
It'll burn your retina off.
► 00:13:51
Yeah.
► 00:13:52
Well, they're about to start new therapies that involve bacteria.
► 00:13:56
They involve bacteria and injections into your eyeballs.
► 00:14:00
And these injections of bacteria...
► 00:14:02
Andrew Huberman told me about this.
► 00:14:06
He's good.
► 00:14:07
He's brilliant.
► 00:14:07
And he was saying that they're essentially...
► 00:14:10
They believe they're going to be able to reverse the ocular degeneration that comes with aging.
► 00:14:17
And they think they're gonna be able to do it for people that have, like, serious eyeball injuries, too.
► 00:14:20
Like, maybe, like, Michael Bisping can get hooked up.
► 00:14:22
When is that gonna start?
► 00:14:23
I don't know.
► 00:14:23
They're doing trials right now, but they're having very favorable results.
► 00:14:28
You ever gotten a jizz in your eye?
► 00:14:31
More than I can count, my friend.
► 00:14:33
More than I can count.
► 00:14:34
I can see you're being facetious, but it stings.
► 00:14:37
You never hit your own eye?
► 00:14:39
You never got your own jizz?
► 00:14:40
I'm sure I have, but it's probably been when I was younger.
► 00:14:42
I don't remember.
► 00:14:43
In the eyeball.
► 00:14:44
Yeah, I was laying on my back and it came straight up.
► 00:14:46
Right in the mud.
► 00:14:47
God, man, the girl I was with really got a kick out of it.
► 00:14:49
It happened to me recently.
► 00:14:50
She laughed all night.
► 00:14:51
It happened to me recently.
► 00:14:52
I stared right down the barrel of it for some reason.
► 00:14:55
Yeah.
► 00:14:56
It fucking drilled me.
► 00:14:57
It gets you.
► 00:14:58
What were you expecting?
► 00:14:59
Suicide by gay love.
► 00:15:01
That's what got Crenshaw's eye.
► 00:15:03
Yeah, yeah.
► 00:15:04
That's not true.
► 00:15:04
It was in Afghanistan.
► 00:15:06
Heartless.
► 00:15:06
I mean, you gotta jerk off out there.
► 00:15:08
Heartless and inaccurate.
► 00:15:10
It happened in Afghanistan.
► 00:15:12
That's a good name.
► 00:15:12
We could be Al-Gaeda.
► 00:15:14
Al-Gaeda's not bad.
► 00:15:16
Or Al-Gaeda.
► 00:15:17
Al-Gaeda.
► 00:15:18
That'll be quickly turned into Al-Gaeda.
► 00:15:19
Well, that was the point, yeah.
► 00:15:21
Yeah, I like it.
► 00:15:23
Al-Gaeda?
► 00:15:24
I like Al-Gaeda.
► 00:15:26
I like Al-Gaeda.
► 00:15:27
See you later, Al-Gaeda.
► 00:15:31
I'm having too much fun already.
► 00:15:32
So wait, did Saladin came in Crenshaw's eye?
► 00:15:35
No, he came in his own eye, I'm saying.
► 00:15:37
No.
► 00:15:38
He was in the huts, you get bored.
► 00:15:39
I heard that, I read that in Jezebel.
► 00:15:42
That's what he did.
► 00:15:43
Yeah.
► 00:15:44
Wait, so they held him down and he did it himself?
► 00:15:47
No, he was just jerking it to kill time in the desert.
► 00:15:50
And he hit himself in the eye.
► 00:15:51
Hit himself in the eye, boom.
► 00:15:51
Then he had to be like, oh shit, one of them got me, guys.
► 00:15:54
There's no doctor out there, so he had to lose the eye.
► 00:15:56
He was waiting, he was bored before beheading.
► 00:15:58
What's legitimately the worst injury you've ever heard someone jerking off sustained?
► 00:16:04
Some people have broken their dick, but that's from girls riding on it.
► 00:16:07
Yeah, you can bend your dong.
► 00:16:09
I think Knoxville's dick is broken.
► 00:16:11
You were telling us last night.
► 00:16:12
Yeah, he broke his dick on a stunt.
► 00:16:14
With a rocket?
► 00:16:14
Yeah, give it a goog, JMO! I got no dick, man!
► 00:16:19
For a guy with no dick, he's pretty upbeat.
► 00:16:21
Do you like fish dicks?
► 00:16:22
Come on, leave me alone.
► 00:16:24
I got no dick, man.
► 00:16:24
I hurt my dick.
► 00:16:27
Oh, that was rough.
► 00:16:29
Season three looks great.
► 00:16:30
Johnny Knoxville, How I Broke My Pace.
► 00:16:32
There you go!
► 00:16:33
Wow.
► 00:16:34
Dude, he came through my college filming Dukes of Hazzard.
► 00:16:36
He fucked every gal.
► 00:16:38
There was a chlamydia strain all over LSU. Look at this.
► 00:16:42
I have a big scar running here to here, he says, innocuously pointing an index finger between his legs up to his crotch, where he famously tore his urethra in 2007 while paying tribute to stunt god Evel Knievel.
► 00:16:55
You know, I never even thought to look at the scar until six weeks ago.
► 00:16:59
I found a stand-up mirror, I got out of the shower, and check out the scar, and it's a terrible angle to look at yourself in.
► 00:17:05
Damn.
► 00:17:06
Wow.
► 00:17:06
Is he okay now, though?
► 00:17:07
No.
► 00:17:08
I think he's got the pump like Larry Flint.
► 00:17:11
He says, um...
► 00:17:13
What does it say here?
► 00:17:15
Can you read that, Ari?
► 00:17:16
He's been fielding questions.
► 00:17:18
Fave of crotch shot.
► 00:17:19
So he says he broke his dick, but did they fix it?
► 00:17:21
Maybe they fixed his dick.
► 00:17:22
I'm hoping they fixed his dick.
► 00:17:23
I don't know, but his hair is white now.
► 00:17:26
It's like a dog's chew toy down there now, he said.
► 00:17:29
It looks like a sock that's lost its elasticity.
► 00:17:32
Oh my god.
► 00:17:33
It left him using a catheter twice a day.
► 00:17:36
There you go.
► 00:17:36
It looks like a sock that lost its elasticity.
► 00:17:39
Damn.
► 00:17:39
This is a bummer.
► 00:17:40
Yeah.
► 00:17:41
I think that they're saying that they left him using a catheter twice a day back then.
► 00:17:45
Does that mean now?
► 00:17:45
I hope he's okay now.
► 00:17:46
No.
► 00:17:47
Call in, Knoxville.
► 00:17:48
Oh, no, hold on.
► 00:17:49
Let's go back up.
► 00:17:49
It says years after the incident that sent him to surgery and left him using a catheter twice a day.
► 00:17:55
I think they mean during the recovery part.
► 00:17:58
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
► 00:17:59
Okay, he must be all right then.
► 00:18:00
God, I hope so.
► 00:18:02
It's a good conversation starter when hitting on a girl.
► 00:18:04
You know, my dick used to be broken, and now it works.
► 00:18:07
It's revived.
► 00:18:08
Yeah.
► 00:18:09
But it'd be suspect, like a house with a fucked up foundation.
► 00:18:14
You know, if a house got a big crack in the foundation, like, no, we brought guys.
► 00:18:17
They said it's fine.
► 00:18:18
Don't you want to buy it?
► 00:18:19
He's like, no, I'm not buying this fucking house.
► 00:18:21
What's up with that foundation?
► 00:18:22
Yep.
► 00:18:23
What if the earth moves?
► 00:18:24
What's going to happen with Tim Dillon's house?
► 00:18:26
Is that up for sale, or does he still own that?
► 00:18:28
Well, he's looking at another one out here right now.
► 00:18:31
Come on.
► 00:18:31
He's just breading your butter.
► 00:18:34
He's buttering your bread with that.
► 00:18:35
No, he's smart.
► 00:18:36
He's investing money.
► 00:18:37
The real estate business out here is fantastic.
► 00:18:39
But why'd he leave?
► 00:18:39
Save one, get another one.
► 00:18:41
Ah, okay.
► 00:18:42
You know?
► 00:18:42
Keep one.
► 00:18:43
Sell it.
► 00:18:44
Sell the second one.
► 00:18:45
Gotta have one for the twinks.
► 00:18:47
Yeah, one for the twinks.
► 00:18:48
I got the underside.
► 00:18:49
The underside of my dong got sliced once.
Gushing Blood Connection
00:00:49
► 00:18:51
What?
► 00:18:52
Yeah.
► 00:18:53
What happened?
► 00:18:54
Yeah, I was going from behind on a lady.
► 00:18:57
And she was touching herself also because I wasn't helping.
► 00:19:00
She's an experienced whore.
► 00:19:01
And my dong fell out and connected on a fingernail when I went forward again.
► 00:19:07
And it hurt, but you know, I was making whoopee.
► 00:19:11
So I kept trying to go, and she was like, no, I could feel like I got skin on that.
► 00:19:18
And I was like, no, I'm fine.
► 00:19:20
I pulled out and looked at it, opened my hand, and it was just gushing.
► 00:19:25
It was over.
► 00:19:25
Ran to the bathroom.
David Cho's Oyster Dilemma
00:07:29
► 00:19:27
That's how you get AIDS. It's blood.
► 00:19:29
No, but she's got to bleed in your blood.
► 00:19:32
Your body doesn't accept blood like that.
► 00:19:34
It generally pumps out.
► 00:19:36
Is that an interesting story?
► 00:19:37
If she's menstruating, that's blood on blood there.
► 00:19:39
Yeah, but it's not getting in your body.
► 00:19:41
They think that one of the ways that people initially got HIV, and this is very controversial, but they think there was You know, bushmeat is a thing in Africa where they'll essentially shoot and kill anything and sell it as meat because food scares.
► 00:19:55
So they'll occasionally do that to chimpanzees.
► 00:19:58
They'll shoot chimps and sell chimp meat and eat chimps.
► 00:20:01
It's like the Wuhan bat.
► 00:20:03
And they think that through cutting a monkey or a gorilla or some chimp, some sort of primate, they got the blood on the knife and cut their finger.
► 00:20:13
I think this is just speculation.
► 00:20:15
I don't think they necessarily have a patient zero in AIDS. I'm sticking with Fucker the Monkey.
► 00:20:21
Yeah, that's better story.
► 00:20:23
Remember Chappelle's bit on that?
► 00:20:25
Rip your dick off like a celery stalk!
► 00:20:27
You know how hard it'd be to fuck a monkey?
► 00:20:30
It would be pretty hard.
► 00:20:32
It's just as funny as...
► 00:20:34
It's funnier than eating a bat, but eating a bat's very funny.
► 00:20:37
Well, they have them in soup.
► 00:20:39
They eat tons of bat.
► 00:20:40
It's wild.
► 00:20:41
It's wild to see.
► 00:20:42
Like a bat floating around in a soup.
► 00:20:44
Yikes.
► 00:20:45
Yikes.
► 00:20:45
Like a drowning moth.
► 00:20:47
Hey man, when you're fucking hungry, you'll eat a lot of things.
► 00:20:49
That's true.
► 00:20:49
And then on top of that, if you're culturally accustomed to certain things, they don't become weird.
► 00:20:55
No, no.
► 00:20:55
Like oysters.
► 00:20:56
Oysters are fucking gross to a lot of people.
► 00:20:58
That's a good point.
► 00:20:58
But for us, we're like, ah, slurp.
► 00:21:00
Yeah, I don't like that.
► 00:21:01
This fucking snot blowout.
► 00:21:02
I don't like oysters.
► 00:21:04
Oh, they got the heads.
► 00:21:07
You know, there's little dog heads in there.
► 00:21:08
That looks better than oysters, I'll tell you that.
► 00:21:10
Oh, I love oysters.
► 00:21:11
I do too.
► 00:21:12
But is that the ribs of the bat?
► 00:21:14
What is that?
► 00:21:15
Oh, that's like eels.
► 00:21:16
That's an eel thing.
► 00:21:17
Octopus and shit.
► 00:21:18
That's not bad.
► 00:21:20
Octopus is delicious, but...
► 00:21:21
Bat soup.
► 00:21:21
Ah, I don't like that shit.
► 00:21:23
Octopus are fucking smart.
► 00:21:24
It's kind of weird to eat them.
► 00:21:26
They are smart.
► 00:21:27
You see that Octopus Teacher documentary?
► 00:21:29
Yeah.
► 00:21:29
Pretty great.
► 00:21:30
That guy that clearly wanted to fuck that octopus.
► 00:21:31
He falls in love with the octopus.
► 00:21:33
Yeah, he was trying to fuck that octopus.
► 00:21:35
He lost his family over it, didn't he?
► 00:21:37
Wasn't he swimming every day trying to fuck an octopus?
► 00:21:39
Octopussy.
► 00:21:40
You know, John Lilly had a whole program doing dolphin research.
► 00:21:47
They were trying to teach dolphins how to talk, and the dolphins kept getting distracted because they were horny.
► 00:21:54
So this lady would just jerk off the dolphins to participate in the study.
► 00:21:58
What?
► 00:21:59
And they found out about it.
► 00:22:00
They're like, that's a wrap for your study.
► 00:22:02
You can't be jerking people off.
► 00:22:03
I feel like it's a win for the dolphins.
► 00:22:05
Dude, there's a guy who was fucking dolphins.
► 00:22:06
The dolphin who loved me.
► 00:22:07
NASA-funded project that went wrong.
► 00:22:10
Margaret Lovat in the 1960s was part of a NASA-funded project to communicate with dolphins.
► 00:22:15
Soon she was living with Peter 24 hours a day in a converted house.
► 00:22:19
So the house was waist-high in water.
► 00:22:22
Christopher Riley reports an experiment that went tragically wrong.
► 00:22:26
Tragic because he got to come.
► 00:22:27
No, he got to come.
► 00:22:28
And they killed the project because they found out she was jerking off the dolphin.
► 00:22:33
Dolphins are crazy horny.
► 00:22:35
They should have killed the dolphins.
► 00:22:36
They'll spread it to the rest of the population if they get out.
► 00:22:40
Finger that blowhole.
► 00:22:41
Here's one.
► 00:22:41
I watched a video a guy was going out and fucking a dolphin.
► 00:22:44
He was fucking a dolphin?
► 00:22:45
He said he was going into the ocean and fucking dolphins.
► 00:22:47
Wow.
► 00:22:48
Well, dolphins definitely fuck you.
► 00:22:50
They've tried to fuck people before.
► 00:22:51
They try to drown men.
► 00:22:52
If you're with a hot chick, they'll grab you by the bathing suit and drag you down.
► 00:22:56
Oh my God.
► 00:22:57
Is that real?
► 00:22:58
Yeah.
► 00:22:58
That's what happened to Natalie Wood.
► 00:22:59
What?
► 00:23:00
One of the Lakers, something happened to him too.
► 00:23:02
She just went off.
► 00:23:03
One of the Lakers?
► 00:23:04
A dolphin tried to drag him down to the girl?
► 00:23:06
Yeah, I think he was dating Iggy Azalea.
► 00:23:07
Was the woman white and was the dolphin racist?
► 00:23:10
Whatever Iggy Azalea is.
► 00:23:11
I think it's Izzy.
► 00:23:12
Which is it?
► 00:23:12
No, it's Izzy.
► 00:23:13
It's Iggy.
► 00:23:14
Not Flipper.
► 00:23:15
Iggy Pop.
► 00:23:19
Nick Young, the Dolphin tried to kill me.
► 00:23:21
Whoa!
► 00:23:21
I already heard of this when I read that story.
► 00:23:23
He strolled into the Lakers locker room on Tuesday at the Staples Center a little more than an hour before tip-off.
► 00:23:29
Their 106-96 loss to Denver Nuggets.
► 00:23:33
He said, where does it say?
► 00:23:35
He said he's scared of Dolphins.
► 00:23:36
He goes, he was playing with everybody else, doing what Dolphins do.
► 00:23:39
The act, act, and all that.
► 00:23:41
Young said...
► 00:23:44
He said it was my time to ride the dolphin.
► 00:23:46
For some reason, he took me all the way to the bottom.
► 00:23:48
He was trying to drown me.
► 00:23:49
But I saw it happening.
► 00:23:50
I jumped out of the water and took off the little life vest and threw off my little water shoes and stayed outside.
► 00:23:55
That's a little dramatic.
► 00:23:56
I think this guy just couldn't swim.
► 00:23:58
That's a little dramatic because they have, like killer whales have tried to drown people and when they get stuck in those fucking sea world type places, they'll grab a trainer and drag them and pin them to the bottom of the tank.
► 00:24:12
He was a little friendly, kissing her and stuff.
► 00:24:14
He was trying to take my woman.
► 00:24:17
Maybe he was.
► 00:24:18
Blackfish?
► 00:24:18
I think I heard it before I saw this.
► 00:24:20
Blackfish Group?
► 00:24:21
That's us?
► 00:24:22
No, no.
► 00:24:22
I'm saying that's a movie.
► 00:24:23
Blackfish.
► 00:24:24
It's a movie about orcas.
► 00:24:25
Swaggy P? What about this?
► 00:24:26
Bush Meat Boys.
► 00:24:27
The Bush Meat Boys?
► 00:24:28
It's got a good ring to it.
► 00:24:29
Yeah, and we could take a field trip and go out and get some.
► 00:24:32
Go get AIDS. Start a new AIDS. You know David Cho, the artist?
► 00:24:37
Yeah.
► 00:24:37
Yeah, David Cho went to, with the Hadza.
► 00:24:41
Where was that part?
► 00:24:42
It was Tanzania?
► 00:24:43
I think it was Tanzania.
► 00:24:44
He went and hunted baboons.
► 00:24:47
They eat baboons.
► 00:24:48
And he goes, it's fucked up.
► 00:24:50
He goes, because when the baboon gets hit with the arrow, he grabs it like a person.
► 00:24:53
Oh, yeah.
► 00:24:54
He's like, oh!
► 00:24:54
They're fucking terrifying.
► 00:24:55
He goes, it's really fucked up.
► 00:24:57
They dress like a baboon?
► 00:24:59
So this is Cho.
► 00:24:59
No, I don't know what they're doing.
► 00:25:01
Is it a GoPro and a dog?
► 00:25:02
He's got dogs chasing the baboons.
► 00:25:04
Look at that guy.
► 00:25:05
I would never want to do this.
► 00:25:06
So these folks, they eat everything, right?
► 00:25:09
But they have less game in the area where they live.
► 00:25:13
They never used to be there before, so they find themselves eating a lot of primates.
► 00:25:17
Man, that guy's living, huh?
► 00:25:18
David Chow is so fucking interesting.
► 00:25:21
Because the guy's worth a stupid amount of money.
► 00:25:25
Is he?
► 00:25:26
Oh, yeah.
► 00:25:26
From what?
► 00:25:26
Art?
► 00:25:27
Was it Facebook or Google?
► 00:25:28
Facebook.
► 00:25:29
Facebook.
► 00:25:29
Oh, he invested?
► 00:25:30
No, he painted...
► 00:25:32
He painted their lobby and they gave him Facebook stock and it turned out to be worth a fucking kajillion dollars.
► 00:25:38
In lieu of money.
► 00:25:40
But meanwhile, he's the kind of guy that is that rich and goes and hangs out with the Hanza and lives with them and hunts with them.
► 00:25:47
I love it.
► 00:25:48
Is he the guy in the Bourdain doc?
► 00:25:50
Yes.
► 00:25:51
Yes.
► 00:25:51
Oh, you know, you hate that guy.
► 00:25:53
I didn't like him.
► 00:25:54
Painting over the mural?
► 00:25:55
I don't like anybody that's artsy.
► 00:25:57
He's artsy.
► 00:25:58
He's very good, man.
► 00:25:59
Artsy Shafir.
► 00:26:00
Why'd you tell me, dude?
► 00:26:02
Cho's gonna watch this and be pissed.
► 00:26:03
He's gonna watch him be pissed.
► 00:26:04
I hate him, too.
► 00:26:04
I'm with you.
► 00:26:05
Well, that was him.
► 00:26:06
If you guys knew him, you'd love him.
► 00:26:08
I love Cho.
► 00:26:08
I love him.
► 00:26:09
How dare you.
► 00:26:10
Joe Rogan.
► 00:26:11
No, I watched his, he had a show on Vice, I think?
► 00:26:15
Yes.
► 00:26:16
And some of it bothered me.
► 00:26:17
He did Vice Guide to Travel when he went to Africa looking for a dinosaur.
► 00:26:21
Because there's reports.
► 00:26:22
Those are extinct.
► 00:26:23
There's reports of sightings of, I think it's a plesiosaur.
► 00:26:28
Or maybe a brontosaur that's in some part of the Congo.
► 00:26:31
And so he literally went looking through the Congo to try to find a dinosaur.
► 00:26:36
But I think he was like fucking 20 years old when he did that.
► 00:26:39
Was nobody fucking him?
Jockstrap and Trauma
00:04:33
► 00:26:41
A lot of people fucked him.
► 00:26:42
A lot of people fucked him.
► 00:26:43
Dude, the guy's wild.
► 00:26:44
David's wild.
► 00:26:45
He's just very open about his psychology, which I don't like.
► 00:26:49
You think he's got a hot to go?
► 00:26:50
Yeah, he's like, the reason I fuck so much is because my childhood was this.
► 00:26:53
I don't know.
► 00:26:54
You don't like to hear that?
► 00:26:54
You just want him to keep fucking?
► 00:26:55
How about you just say, I like pussy.
► 00:26:57
You don't have to pretend to be this guy.
► 00:27:01
He's expressive.
► 00:27:01
He's an artist.
► 00:27:02
I know he is.
► 00:27:03
You don't get it, you Bud Light drinking son of a bitch.
► 00:27:06
But like nobody's asking.
► 00:27:07
I don't know what to tell you about this.
► 00:27:07
He's all American.
► 00:27:09
Also, it doesn't look good you hating an Asian.
► 00:27:11
I know, that's why I'm trying to backpedal on this one.
► 00:27:15
Bring it back.
► 00:27:16
Bring it back.
► 00:27:17
You know, you cut your dick.
► 00:27:18
I cut my sack open on a fence.
► 00:27:20
Saw my ball.
► 00:27:21
Oh, no.
► 00:27:23
Oh, my God.
► 00:27:23
You saw your ball?
► 00:27:24
In college.
► 00:27:25
Got really drunk at a party.
► 00:27:27
Started making out with this girl on the couch.
► 00:27:28
Her boyfriend sees me.
► 00:27:30
He's like, we're going outside.
► 00:27:31
I was like, all right, let's do it.
► 00:27:33
And then he's like, Bobby, Jimmy, Mike, all these guys came out of the woodwork.
► 00:27:37
So I was alone.
► 00:27:38
So I just jumped this fence, straddled it, couldn't make it all the way over.
► 00:27:42
I fell over the other side.
► 00:27:43
I was hanging by my jeans.
► 00:27:45
The jeans ripped.
► 00:27:45
They're all laughing.
► 00:27:46
Ran home.
► 00:27:47
Passed out.
► 00:27:48
Woke up.
► 00:27:48
Sack was torn.
► 00:27:49
Blood everywhere.
► 00:27:50
Had to get it stitched up.
► 00:27:52
What?
► 00:27:53
Yeah, I had to wear a jockstrap for a month.
► 00:27:55
And then I had to get the stitches removed!
► 00:27:57
That guy owned you, dude.
► 00:27:58
He really did.
► 00:27:59
It was bad.
► 00:28:00
No, no, no.
► 00:28:01
No?
► 00:28:01
You won that.
► 00:28:04
I had to start wearing a cup in jujitsu because someone was passing my guard and he slammed his knee into my dick.
► 00:28:11
And it hurt like hell at the time, but I thought it was okay.
► 00:28:15
And then I went into the locker room and my jockstrap was filled with blood.
► 00:28:18
So blood had been coming out of the tip of my dick while I was training.
► 00:28:22
So I was training and...
► 00:28:23
Because you just get so used to getting banged up, right?
► 00:28:25
So then I go home and I'm trying to think, okay, do I go straight to the doctor?
► 00:28:30
Or do I treat it like a bloody nose?
► 00:28:32
Because if it was a bloody nose, I would just go, what are they going to do?
► 00:28:36
Yeah, but I've heard of bloody noses.
► 00:28:38
Well, now you've heard of a bloody dick.
► 00:28:40
So what did I do?
► 00:28:41
Well, I went home and I jerked off.
► 00:28:42
I wanted to make sure it still works.
► 00:28:44
The New York Post is going to be all over this.
► 00:28:46
As long as it still works.
► 00:28:48
Well, that's what I did.
► 00:28:49
I wanted to see if it worked.
► 00:28:49
You're getting medical advice from a guy who said, jerk off.
► 00:28:52
Yeah, jerk off if your dick is bleeding.
► 00:28:54
But it was bleeding from the inside.
► 00:28:55
So I was like, well, what are they going to do to fix it?
► 00:28:57
They're not going to put a bandage on the inside.
► 00:28:58
How'd the wack off go?
► 00:28:59
It was fine.
► 00:29:00
Did it hurt?
► 00:29:01
It looked like a chicken fetus.
► 00:29:03
You ever get an egg that has a baby chick inside of it?
► 00:29:06
That's what my jizz looked like.
► 00:29:08
It was just red and white.
► 00:29:09
It was chaos.
► 00:29:10
It was basically like a little chicken abortion.
► 00:29:15
But it worked.
► 00:29:16
And so I was like, okay, we'll try again tomorrow.
► 00:29:18
So I tried again tomorrow, and there was a little less blood the second day.
► 00:29:22
Very little blood the second day.
► 00:29:23
It was still a little pink, but it wasn't scary.
► 00:29:26
The first day was like, woo.
► 00:29:27
Seeing my jockstrap filled with blood, I was like, yikes.
► 00:29:29
But if that was my nose, I would just stuff some tissue up it and keep moving.
► 00:29:34
You can't stuff tissue paper up your bottle.
► 00:29:36
What are they going to do?
► 00:29:37
I'm like, what is it?
► 00:29:38
I looked at it.
► 00:29:39
There's no cut.
► 00:29:40
I'm like, so something inside broke a little bit.
► 00:29:42
Put it on a splinter.
► 00:29:43
And it's fine now.
► 00:29:44
You're all good.
► 00:29:45
It's all good.
► 00:29:46
I made kids with it.
► 00:29:47
But I was thinking that, like, something happened, like, during the slam, like any other kind of trauma.
► 00:29:52
Like, you know, you get a cut in your face or something.
► 00:29:54
What do you do?
► 00:29:55
You just let it heal.
► 00:29:55
Yeah.
► 00:29:56
Yeah, your dick got smushed.
► 00:29:58
Blood out of your dick.
► 00:29:59
Me cocked smushed.
► 00:30:00
Mm-hmm.
► 00:30:01
But that was my response.
► 00:30:03
That's how dumb I am.
► 00:30:04
My response was to see if I could jerk off.
► 00:30:06
Well, it kind of worked.
► 00:30:08
It works.
► 00:30:08
Yeah, you got it out.
► 00:30:09
I did the same with the slice stone.
► 00:30:11
Did you?
► 00:30:12
I was like, what am I going to now whack off?
► 00:30:13
You just jerk off around it.
► 00:30:15
You know, you just hit the tip.
► 00:30:16
Yeah.
► 00:30:17
Don't mess with the hammer.
► 00:30:18
That's what I did with the jockstrap, you know?
► 00:30:20
You still got a whack.
► 00:30:21
Did you have to, when you got it stitched up, did you have to wear anything there, like a diaper or something?
► 00:30:28
Well, first of all, I stuck a needle in my sack to Novocain.
► 00:30:31
That was a nightmare.
► 00:30:31
Seeing a giant needle go in your sack is pretty eye-opening.
► 00:30:35
And then I watched him stitch it.
► 00:30:36
We're talking about, you know, hey, how about those tigers?
► 00:30:40
And then I had to wear a jockstrap for a month and then go get them taken out.
► 00:30:44
Wow.
► 00:30:45
Brutal.
► 00:30:45
College, man.
► 00:30:47
Did you ever run into that guy again?
► 00:30:49
No, no, never.
► 00:30:50
Really?
► 00:30:50
Thank God.
► 00:30:51
Never?
► 00:30:51
Eh, it was a big school.
► 00:30:52
You think he ever watches you on Netflix and goes, ah, that fucking guy, I saw his raw nut.
► 00:30:57
That guy fucked my wife.
► 00:30:58
Probably.
► 00:30:58
It was all a blur.
Old People's Chat Rooms
00:11:58
► 00:30:59
They ended up working out.
► 00:31:00
Imagine if it worked out with them, and they got back together because of your trauma.
► 00:31:04
Hey, there you go.
► 00:31:05
And then they start dating.
► 00:31:06
You guys having sex when they walked in?
► 00:31:07
Just a mate got on a couch.
► 00:31:08
But really, like, going at it.
► 00:31:10
I had a handful of boob and everything.
► 00:31:12
She probably told him, and that's why he came over.
► 00:31:14
It was one of those girls.
► 00:31:14
Come over at 634. One of them drama queens.
► 00:31:17
Yeah, it got ugly.
► 00:31:18
There was a lot of fighting in college.
► 00:31:19
College was scary.
► 00:31:21
So was high school.
► 00:31:21
Yeah.
► 00:31:22
High school boys, once they develop strength and their fucking frontal lobe hasn't really developed yet, they're very dangerous.
► 00:31:28
College didn't have to live at home too, so it was like living really like adults with just morons.
► 00:31:33
Morons.
► 00:31:34
Ari, did you go to Jew high school?
► 00:31:36
I did go to Jew high school.
► 00:31:37
What happened there?
► 00:31:37
A lot of fights or a lot of litigation?
► 00:31:39
We'd have like...
► 00:31:40
We'd have like...
► 00:31:43
A lot of threats.
► 00:31:44
A lot of do you know who my dad is, for sure.
► 00:31:47
Litigation!
► 00:31:48
A lot of litigation.
► 00:31:49
Ah, litigation!
► 00:31:50
I never got physical much.
► 00:31:51
I bet the weather was good at that school.
► 00:31:52
What?
► 00:31:53
Oh my god, litigation.
► 00:31:54
You learn how to control the weather in third period.
► 00:31:58
Yeah, what'd you guys learn in there?
► 00:31:59
All sorts of stuff.
► 00:32:00
Learn how to control the weather.
► 00:32:02
The 9-11 plans.
► 00:32:03
You guys planned it.
► 00:32:04
Yeah.
► 00:32:06
The 9-11 plans.
► 00:32:07
You don't want to turn a suit back.
► 00:32:09
Hey, Shane, tell everybody what we were talking about before this, because I can't believe that this happened.
► 00:32:14
But his video got pulled off of YouTube because he simply said that when he had COVID, he just drank beer.
► 00:32:21
I said that the way I beat COVID was I just drank beer.
► 00:32:25
That's all I was doing.
► 00:32:26
That's all he said.
► 00:32:27
And it worked, and I was healed.
► 00:32:29
Yeah, funny.
► 00:32:30
And I was just explaining exactly what happened.
► 00:32:33
And the episode got taken down from Matt and Shane's secret podcast.
► 00:32:37
Oh, the whole episode got taken down.
► 00:32:38
Imagine how fucking insane that is.
► 00:32:41
Like six months later.
► 00:32:42
That's so silly, yeah.
► 00:32:44
Imagine how insane that is.
► 00:32:45
They're going through old podcasts.
► 00:32:47
They really are, which is crazy.
► 00:32:49
Giannis Papas just got hit with one from six months ago, he told me.
► 00:32:51
They gave him a strike.
► 00:32:52
He can't post to his account right now.
► 00:32:54
Oh, I'm going to lose all sorts of stuff.
► 00:32:55
I know.
► 00:32:56
It's just like, what are you doing?
► 00:32:57
Why?
► 00:32:58
What's the point?
► 00:33:01
You're looking at what these guys are saying.
► 00:33:02
This is fun.
► 00:33:04
No one's getting hurt from any of this.
► 00:33:06
If anybody's getting...
► 00:33:07
This is the whole thing.
► 00:33:08
It's like you're not supposed to have COVID misinformation or anything that doesn't go along with the lines.
► 00:33:15
You're giving some instructions, but that's not what you're doing.
► 00:33:16
You're talking shit.
► 00:33:17
If anybody was like, well, I was going to get vaccinated, but then I saw...
► 00:33:24
And he drank beer, so I'm like, I'm gonna fucking drink beer too, bro.
► 00:33:28
Is that a real thing?
► 00:33:31
Well, I got lucky.
► 00:33:31
It was nothing.
► 00:33:32
I got COVID and it was nothing, so I just drank beer.
► 00:33:35
Imagine that that's enough.
► 00:33:37
Are these woke kids that are doing this, or is this an algorithm?
► 00:33:41
Is this AI? But they go further and further.
► 00:33:44
Any touch of it is a problem.
► 00:33:46
That's all he did.
► 00:33:46
He told the truth about exactly what happened.
► 00:33:48
He said I got vaccinated, and yeah.
► 00:33:50
I admitted to being gay.
► 00:33:51
But silencing it kind of brings more attention to it, I think.
► 00:33:54
Now we're all talking about it.
► 00:33:56
Well, it should.
► 00:33:56
Because that's the only way to combat it.
► 00:33:58
Because otherwise, then they get control of the narrative completely.
► 00:34:00
And then no one can say anything that's even remotely dangerous.
► 00:34:03
I think it's just AIs.
► 00:34:04
I think it's just AIs that are operating too far on the straight up what they think is misinformation.
► 00:34:09
Here's why you're wrong.
► 00:34:10
Here's why you're wrong.
► 00:34:11
Because it stands up to appeal.
► 00:34:13
They appeal it.
► 00:34:14
I know, but everything I've ever tried to appeal, they go, nah.
► 00:34:16
Which means no one's even looking at it.
► 00:34:18
They're just going, no, no, no, no.
► 00:34:19
We've appealed things, and they've come through.
► 00:34:21
They look at your stuff more than most people's stuff.
► 00:34:23
I think it's all, who's your fucking person, right?
► 00:34:26
If there's a thousand people that do this, or a million people that do this, they're all subjective.
► 00:34:30
They all have their individual ideas about things, about what's acceptable and what's not.
► 00:34:34
I mean, I'm sure they have guidelines, but there's clearly some wiggle room.
► 00:34:37
Yeah, if you can get someone to actually look at it.
► 00:34:40
When you get like a...
► 00:34:41
When Kill Tony gets strikes because you can't explain it to someone, when I get a bullying charge for Betty White, it's like, no one's looking at this.
► 00:34:49
You bullied Betty White.
► 00:34:49
What happened to Betty White?
► 00:34:50
You bullied Betty White.
► 00:34:50
You bullied her to death.
► 00:34:51
She's gone, man.
► 00:34:53
She's out of the Golden Girls reunion.
► 00:34:55
She died.
► 00:34:56
She probably got the booster and died.
► 00:34:57
Afghanistan?
► 00:34:58
Yeah.
► 00:34:59
Imagine the booster takes you out at 99. Like, you can't even say it.
► 00:35:02
Being 99 years old and being like, I bet I gotta get this booster.
► 00:35:05
Yeah.
► 00:35:06
She was like, but I need to deal with the devil.
► 00:35:08
99 Betty White.
► 00:35:10
This podcast is down now.
► 00:35:11
Yeah, this podcast is down for that.
► 00:35:13
Just for that last 30 seconds.
► 00:35:14
It's not on YouTube.
► 00:35:15
If you're 99 and listening to Spotify, get the booster.
► 00:35:19
But any 99-year-old who knows how to use Spotify is doing pretty good.
► 00:35:23
Yeah, they're rare.
► 00:35:25
Imagine just picking up the internet when you're 70. Yeah, right?
► 00:35:29
What is this world?
► 00:35:30
70 and all of a sudden you're in chat rooms talking shit.
► 00:35:33
Getting laid.
► 00:35:34
70, you're sharing memes.
► 00:35:36
Do you think it's like a Vietnam Vets chat room?
► 00:35:38
Right, right.
► 00:35:39
Just at each other's throats.
► 00:35:40
You got a Reddit thread.
► 00:35:41
In 70, you start a Twitch channel, start talking shit while you're playing video games.
► 00:35:44
Well, they are Twitching.
► 00:35:46
106-year-old Philadelphia woman is a big fan of Big Macs.
► 00:35:49
This is more hurtful to people's health than saying, like, maybe the Vax is dangerous.
► 00:35:54
That should be medical misinformation.
► 00:35:57
It should be like, crush Big Macs.
► 00:35:58
She said it kept six.
► 00:35:59
She said it kept her free of disease.
► 00:36:01
That's back when Big Mac started when they were made with actual meat.
► 00:36:04
She credits junk food for her long life.
► 00:36:06
Her granddaughter said that maybe her lengthy lifespan has to do with the nine gin-soaked raisins she ate every day too.
► 00:36:14
Gin-soaked raisins?
► 00:36:15
Queen Elizabeth said the same thing.
► 00:36:16
What kind of a weirdo lady is this?
► 00:36:18
It says not eating junk food.
► 00:36:21
What's that, James?
► 00:36:22
It says not eating junk food.
► 00:36:23
Oh, not eating junk food, but she eats burgers.
► 00:36:25
I know, that's right.
► 00:36:26
What the fuck does that mean?
► 00:36:27
She's a liar.
► 00:36:28
She's got dementia.
► 00:36:29
That's what kept her alive, dementia.
► 00:36:31
But who the fuck is like, is that a thing, the vodka-soaked raisins or something like that?
► 00:36:38
Is that a real thing?
► 00:36:38
Queen Elizabeth drinks a couple gin and tonics a day, says that's her thing.
► 00:36:42
But gin-soaked raisins.
► 00:36:43
Gin-soaked raisins?
► 00:36:44
That seems so crazy.
► 00:36:45
Yeah, that's so specific.
► 00:36:46
Maybe that's the trick.
► 00:36:47
Look at that.
► 00:36:48
105-year-old Englishman had a whiskey in his tea every morning.
► 00:36:51
See?
► 00:36:51
See, this is the thing.
► 00:36:52
If you're one of those guys that's like, you know what, I'm just going to stay alcohol-free.
► 00:36:56
Cheers, gentlemen.
► 00:36:57
I'm going to stay alcohol-free.
► 00:36:58
I get my blood work done.
► 00:36:59
Even when I drink a little bit, I'm okay.
► 00:37:02
You just got to take care of yourself.
► 00:37:03
Yeah, moderation.
► 00:37:04
Yeah, moderation.
► 00:37:05
And take care of yourself.
► 00:37:06
Exercise, moderation, diet.
► 00:37:08
But check out your liver.
► 00:37:10
Hey, Jamie, those last two pictures, those last two people, stories, the old people, how many of them are dead now?
► 00:37:17
How old is this article?
► 00:37:19
This was today.
► 00:37:19
The 106-year-old lady was today.
► 00:37:22
Scroll down with that 117-year-old lady.
► 00:37:24
Is that a real person?
► 00:37:27
117-year-old French nun whose secret is red wine and a 100-year-old San Francisco woman who is fond of non-traditional bedtime snack of one beer and three potato chips.
► 00:37:38
It's all booze.
► 00:37:39
She sucks.
► 00:37:40
This is funny.
► 00:37:44
We get happy when we hear about someone who lives a long life like that.
► 00:37:49
Like, wow.
► 00:37:49
But if you had to live their life, you'd be like, take me.
► 00:37:53
She survived COVID? Without her eyes.
► 00:37:55
She survived COVID? She also hates Jews.
► 00:37:58
Oh my god, she survived COVID. Oh, look at those eyes!
► 00:38:01
She's possessed!
► 00:38:02
She's possessed!
► 00:38:03
She just can't see.
► 00:38:03
You guys are assholes.
► 00:38:05
Oh, really?
► 00:38:05
That's you in ten years.
► 00:38:07
Look at that nose, that's about right.
► 00:38:09
For real, that's not far.
► 00:38:11
You have Lasix that's gonna wear off.
► 00:38:13
That's the one thing where nature tries to keep you from fucking old people.
► 00:38:16
As they get older, their nose grows bigger and their ears grow bigger.
► 00:38:19
Yep.
► 00:38:19
They're like two things that no one's gonna like bigger.
► 00:38:21
Let's make them grow.
► 00:38:22
Your balls get longer.
► 00:38:23
Look at those earlobes.
► 00:38:26
She got jizz in the eye.
► 00:38:27
She's a nun.
► 00:38:28
Wow.
► 00:38:29
All these pictures, she looks like she's coming.
► 00:38:32
Somebody's wiping that ass.
► 00:38:33
For every happy ending story with these old people, somebody's wiping her ass.
► 00:38:35
Jesus wipes her ass.
► 00:38:38
There's going to come a point in time where they're going to be able to reverse aging.
► 00:38:42
It's not far off.
► 00:38:43
David Sinclair, this guy from Harvard, who's been on my podcast a few times, they're working on it, and they've got to the point where they can pull it back a little.
► 00:38:50
He's 52, he looks like he's 40, and I'm not exaggerating.
► 00:38:53
Go backwards instead of forwards?
► 00:38:54
Yes.
► 00:38:55
He's essentially 10 years younger than his biological age.
► 00:38:58
If you need a test group, I'll be your test group.
► 00:39:00
You're too old.
► 00:39:00
Start with my hair.
► 00:39:01
When's your birthday?
► 00:39:02
It's coming up, right?
► 00:39:03
February 12th, yeah.
► 00:39:04
His physical age, his biological age is 10 years older than his actual age.
► 00:39:10
No, his biological age is 10 years younger than his calendar age.
► 00:39:14
It's good for Jared Fogle.
► 00:39:16
Get them young.
► 00:39:18
Not that young.
► 00:39:19
But imagine if you got to the point where you could go back to maturity, back to like 21, 25 years old.
► 00:39:24
Because I think they're going to be able to do that.
► 00:39:25
But with old people, they're still going to have long ears.
► 00:39:28
So people are going to know.
► 00:39:30
Would you do something?
► 00:39:32
Would you be like, nothing, I'm fucking, you know, it's my first time around.
► 00:39:35
Because we would probably get mad if like 400-year-old people were fucking 30-year-olds.
► 00:39:39
Because 30-year-olds are so dumb.
► 00:39:41
They're so easy to trick.
► 00:39:42
At 30, they're a tenth of you.
► 00:39:44
That's right.
► 00:39:45
Try getting a 400-year-old lady to join your cult.
► 00:39:47
Good luck.
► 00:39:48
We can't have this many people.
► 00:39:49
I don't like it.
► 00:39:50
No, we'll have to murder some people.
► 00:39:51
We've got to all die.
► 00:39:52
If people start living forever, we have to murder some people to clear it out.
► 00:39:54
When you get to a certain age, are you think you're going to want to cash in your chips?
► 00:40:00
No, I want to keep going if I can reverse.
► 00:40:02
I'm going to die before it's even...
► 00:40:04
Yeah, you'll die.
► 00:40:05
Of heart disease.
► 00:40:06
You might not make it until 2025. That's fine.
► 00:40:09
You're happy with that?
► 00:40:10
You got a good special.
► 00:40:12
What year do you want to go?
► 00:40:13
How old do you know?
► 00:40:15
34. What do you like to get to?
► 00:40:19
85. I'll get to 60. But when you're 59, you're going to want to go to 80. Of course.
► 00:40:24
When you're 116, you're going to go to 170. She's like, I read about this shit that brings you back.
► 00:40:31
Call it that.
► 00:40:32
She's just dreaming one day.
► 00:40:34
This can't be real.
► 00:40:35
I'm looking at the oldest people, you know?
► 00:40:37
It says this guy's 146. Look at that mole right in the center.
► 00:40:41
How come it can't be real?
► 00:40:43
Another black guy.
► 00:40:44
He's lying.
► 00:40:45
Who believes this guy?
► 00:40:46
Those eyes are dead.
► 00:40:47
They don't work anymore.
► 00:40:49
He's a full mummy.
► 00:40:49
I had a dog that had that when he died.
► 00:40:51
Wow, he looks like he opened the Ark of the Covenant's cataracts.
► 00:40:55
This is a shitty country that needs this for publicity.
► 00:40:58
Click on that link so we can read it.
► 00:40:59
I think that might be real.
► 00:41:01
See, here's the thing, man.
► 00:41:02
If somebody can live to be 20, then it's not outside of possibilities that someone can live to be 20 years old.
► 00:41:10
1870. 1870. 1870. Are you kidding me?
► 00:41:13
That's not real.
► 00:41:14
That's before electricity.
► 00:41:15
That's Flavor Flav.
► 00:41:17
Well, how do you know it's not real, though?
► 00:41:18
It could be a tortoise.
► 00:41:19
He does look like a tortoise.
► 00:41:20
He claims to be the oldest person that ever lived and celebrated, but maybe he's right.
► 00:41:28
They said it's accurate.
► 00:41:30
The Indonesian records office.
► 00:41:32
They found a coconut that it was scrolled into.
► 00:41:37
Right.
► 00:41:38
It was right after Krakatoa.
► 00:41:39
You don't even know anything about that.
► 00:41:41
Look at his face.
► 00:41:42
That's the Super Walkino, right?
► 00:41:44
That is tough.
► 00:41:45
Is Krakatoa the Super Walkino?
► 00:41:47
Yes.
► 00:41:48
Thank you.
► 00:41:49
He began preparing to die 24 years ago.
► 00:41:51
Wow.
► 00:41:52
Oh, he did die.
► 00:41:53
He's dead now.
► 00:41:54
Yeah, this is a couple years old.
► 00:41:55
Look at that.
► 00:41:56
That's crazy.
► 00:41:57
Wow, gross.
► 00:41:58
The thing about when they get that old, you don't really know if they really...
► 00:42:02
He still had hair, too.
► 00:42:04
Is Krakatoa the one where it brought the entire human population down to like 7,000 people?
► 00:42:09
That was COVID. No.
► 00:42:10
Which one was that?
► 00:42:11
Toba.
► 00:42:12
Toba?
► 00:42:12
Yeah.
► 00:42:13
Is that Indonesia?
► 00:42:14
What was it?
► 00:42:15
What was Toba?
► 00:42:18
Krakatoa was recent in Indian history.
► 00:42:21
Krakatoa was 1883 though.
► 00:42:22
I got it.
► 00:42:23
That's what I'm saying.
► 00:42:24
He was alive for Krakatoa.
► 00:42:24
He was alive for Krakatoa.
► 00:42:26
That's not real.
► 00:42:26
Damn.
► 00:42:27
There was an Indonesian one that was real recently.
► 00:42:30
Wasn't there an Indonesian volcano that was real recent?
► 00:42:33
Not catastrophic, but I think there was a volcanic eruption real recently.
► 00:42:37
What about Wise Krakatoa?
► 00:42:41
I really want to name this group.
Bull Riders and Jackass
00:15:28
► 00:42:43
Wise Krakatoa is pretty good.
► 00:42:44
I'm going to get a couple of drinks.
► 00:42:45
I like your ideas here.
► 00:42:50
That's the other thing about the internet.
► 00:42:51
Instagram, I say fatty to people and they keep deleting it.
► 00:42:54
Can't even say fatty now.
► 00:42:55
Because they call it bullying.
► 00:42:56
They call it bullying.
► 00:42:57
I think it's bullying.
► 00:42:58
I'm telling you, when I said I'm going to invade Burt Kreischer's home family, and they were like, nah, that's where it started.
► 00:43:04
Wait, you're going to what?
► 00:43:04
Invade his family if you didn't give me my records back.
► 00:43:06
What are you going to do?
► 00:43:07
And they took you off.
► 00:43:08
They were like, yeah.
► 00:43:09
How are you going to invade the family?
► 00:43:11
Oh, I get stinking there late at night.
► 00:43:13
And do what to his family?
► 00:43:14
He's got dogs.
► 00:43:15
Just keep them doing what they're doing already.
► 00:43:16
He's got big dogs.
► 00:43:17
Bird has mastiffs.
► 00:43:19
Yeah, that's pretty scary.
► 00:43:20
Bro, if you got bit by a mastiff, do you have any idea what that would do to your tissue?
► 00:43:24
And those dogs do not like you guys.
► 00:43:26
What is you guys?
► 00:43:28
You're thinking about German Shepherds.
► 00:43:29
Hebes.
► 00:43:30
All dogs, dude.
► 00:43:30
That's why they go to heaven.
► 00:43:33
Because I hate Jews?
► 00:43:34
Because they're doing Jesus' work.
► 00:43:35
Oh, Jesus Christ.
► 00:43:37
Because you've had too many wafers.
► 00:43:38
This song's gonna happen.
► 00:43:39
It's not gonna be started on German Shepherds.
► 00:43:41
Yeah, do they?
► 00:43:42
Oh, well not the gay ones.
► 00:43:44
The gay dogs?
► 00:43:45
If you're out there listening and you're going to get a German Shepherd as a pet, you better be willing to work with that dog.
► 00:43:51
You've got to exercise that dog.
► 00:43:52
Take it on runs, do things with it.
► 00:43:54
You can't just leave a dog like that in the yard.
► 00:43:55
They'll go crazy.
► 00:43:56
And we know you're not willing to do that work.
► 00:43:58
Get a little poodle, bitch.
► 00:44:01
Now, Michael Vick worked those boys.
► 00:44:02
Did he?
► 00:44:03
He worked the hell out of those dogs.
► 00:44:05
The dogs were probably having a little bit of fun.
► 00:44:07
His dog record was like 86 and 14. His record was good?
► 00:44:12
He was like great.
► 00:44:13
You know what's fucked?
► 00:44:15
He's in the Hall of Fame of dogfighting.
► 00:44:16
I gotta get some new references.
► 00:44:17
There's a silent group of people that are involved in dogfights.
► 00:44:22
That have been involved in dogfights for a long time.
► 00:44:25
And that sort of exposed what that whole community is all about.
► 00:44:30
Because there's a lot of dogfighting going on in parts of this country.
► 00:44:34
There's a guy that I knew.
► 00:44:36
I know him.
► 00:44:37
But he, at one point in time, used to fight dogs.
► 00:44:39
And he lived in...
► 00:44:42
Somewhere in the South.
► 00:44:43
I forget which state.
► 00:44:44
And he had these dogs that were on chains.
► 00:44:47
And the chains would go out to a small dog house.
► 00:44:51
And the chains were far enough so that each dog couldn't get at the other dog.
► 00:44:54
And that's how he kept them.
► 00:44:57
He just kept them in his yard and he put them on heavy chains so they worked out and they walked around with these heavy chains on.
► 00:45:03
And he would have them on dog treadmills.
► 00:45:05
They have dog treadmills for pit bulls.
► 00:45:07
Jesus Christ.
► 00:45:08
They get him in shape.
► 00:45:09
And then they have, they name the dog after the bloodline.
► 00:45:14
So it's a champion's bloodline.
► 00:45:16
So if there's this one dog that was killing all these other dogs, they would name him.
► 00:45:20
So it's like, you know, if you had a name, like if you were Bucky, and, you know, it'd be like Bucky's son or, you know, grandson of grand champion this.
► 00:45:31
And they have this, like, Sort of underground community.
► 00:45:35
And when Michael Vick got busted, it sort of exposed that to a lot of people that, you know, especially a lot of people that are urban folks that don't know anybody who would even be involved in dog fighting.
► 00:45:46
That could be the name of our group.
► 00:45:47
Urban folks.
► 00:45:48
I like that.
► 00:45:49
I like that.
► 00:45:50
If you're living in a big city, you probably don't get to see too many dog fights.
► 00:45:54
But if you're in rural parts of the South, it's a big money thing.
► 00:45:58
It's like, I had a gardener who was in a chicken fighting.
► 00:46:01
I talked about this.
► 00:46:02
Yeah.
► 00:46:03
They fight roosters.
► 00:46:04
I went to one of those.
► 00:46:05
It's wild.
► 00:46:05
Vicious.
► 00:46:06
Vicious.
► 00:46:07
I went and won Puerto Rico.
► 00:46:08
It's in a pit.
► 00:46:09
You're all standing there with money, shaking.
► 00:46:10
Woo-hoo!
► 00:46:11
For them, it's a part of their culture.
► 00:46:13
And he said, and then, you know, the winner gets to make soup out of the loser.
► 00:46:17
Ooh.
► 00:46:18
Wow.
► 00:46:18
So if your bird wins, even once your bird wins, your bird's going to get fucked up.
► 00:46:22
It's probably going to get sliced up pretty good.
► 00:46:23
Yeah.
► 00:46:24
Oh, yeah.
► 00:46:24
They take the one that died and they'll fucking cook them in a nice soup.
► 00:46:28
They heal up if they're still, like, okay.
► 00:46:31
They sew them up.
► 00:46:32
Yeah.
► 00:46:33
That chicken's a little raptor.
► 00:46:35
That's what that is.
► 00:46:36
Oh, yeah.
► 00:46:37
Isn't that weird to think of?
► 00:46:38
That's not that much smaller than what a real raptor was.
► 00:46:40
It is funny.
► 00:46:40
If the urban folks that were fighting the dogs would just dress like a matador, all the honkies would be okay with it.
► 00:46:47
Interesting.
► 00:46:48
If they were just wearing some dumb, goofy...
► 00:46:51
Have they had some traditional outfit?
► 00:46:53
Yeah, then we'd be like, well then it's okay if they're stabbing a bull with a sword over it.
► 00:46:57
Well, they're trying to get rid of that.
► 00:46:58
Bullfighting at least, though, has a chance to kill you.
► 00:47:00
Have you been?
► 00:47:01
No.
► 00:47:01
I didn't get to go.
► 00:47:02
But they stab it with like eight spears.
► 00:47:04
It just keeps going.
► 00:47:05
Yeah, they keep stabbing.
► 00:47:06
And they tie the sack up.
► 00:47:06
Well, don't they stab them before they let them out?
► 00:47:07
Yeah, they cut them quite a bit before.
► 00:47:09
Yeah, they don't just let them out fresh.
► 00:47:11
I think they tie the sack.
► 00:47:12
That's how they get them angry.
► 00:47:13
That's the bull riding.
► 00:47:15
Oh, that's riding, sorry.
► 00:47:16
The wildest shit is those dudes who stand there and wait for the bulls to charge them and they flip.
► 00:47:20
Rodeo clowns?
► 00:47:21
What?
► 00:47:21
They jump up in the air and flip over the bulls.
► 00:47:22
I've never seen that.
► 00:47:23
Rodeo clowns?
► 00:47:24
No, no, no, they're not rodeo clowns.
► 00:47:25
It's like a type of bullfighting, but they literally are acrobats who leap over the bulls as they charge.
► 00:47:31
What?
► 00:47:32
So the bulls charge them and they do flips.
► 00:47:34
They're their own, like, cape?
► 00:47:35
Well, they don't do the cape.
► 00:47:36
They just jump through the air and do backflips over bulls.
► 00:47:40
But the thing is, they don't always do it right.
► 00:47:42
And every now and then the bull wins.
► 00:47:43
It looks like a car wreck.
► 00:47:44
And that's what's exciting.
► 00:47:45
You gotta have that.
► 00:47:45
You gotta have that danger.
► 00:47:46
Oh, yeah.
► 00:47:47
You know those, like, when people wear those bubble suits and run at each other?
► 00:47:51
Here it is.
► 00:47:51
Watch this.
► 00:47:51
What?
► 00:47:52
Whoa.
► 00:47:54
Look at this guy.
► 00:47:54
Whoa, it's like a limbo.
► 00:47:55
Oh, he got clipped there.
► 00:48:00
Oh my god!
► 00:48:02
The leaping of the bulls.
► 00:48:03
Yeah, so this guy's doing a front flip.
► 00:48:05
Oh, he's putting his head right in the way, too.
► 00:48:06
That's a fair fight.
► 00:48:07
No weapons.
► 00:48:08
That's a very fair fight.
► 00:48:09
This is better than...
► 00:48:11
That guy's wild, man.
► 00:48:12
That is a wild dude.
► 00:48:14
Wow.
► 00:48:15
And he has to really be careful, because that thing goes in his lungs.
► 00:48:18
He's trying to spear him.
► 00:48:19
The bull is trying to murder him.
► 00:48:21
Yeah.
► 00:48:21
100%.
► 00:48:21
Look at that flip.
► 00:48:22
How do you practice this?
► 00:48:23
Bro, that flip is wild.
► 00:48:23
You practice with a poodle first?
► 00:48:25
Oh, you get points depending on how close you are.
► 00:48:28
They have a technique to lean backwards like that.
► 00:48:30
Yeah, he says, I don't see the bull as my enemy, more like my friend.
► 00:48:32
Like, bitch, why?
► 00:48:33
No, no.
► 00:48:35
This is humane.
► 00:48:37
Yeah.
► 00:48:38
Oh, it's the most humane.
► 00:48:39
Oh, so they have a team with points.
► 00:48:41
I still like stabbing it.
► 00:48:42
They score points.
► 00:48:43
Look at these guys.
► 00:48:44
They're on the same team.
► 00:48:45
What about the guys who get in that clear bubble ball?
► 00:48:48
That's what I was saying.
► 00:48:49
Oh, they're great.
► 00:48:50
Did you watch it or are you just cutting me off?
► 00:48:52
No, I have watched it.
► 00:48:53
They're amazing.
► 00:48:53
You know what's stunning is the sheer amount...
► 00:48:56
You know those bubbles you run into each other with?
► 00:48:57
Oh, yeah.
► 00:48:58
And they get bulls to run into them.
► 00:48:59
What?
► 00:49:00
What's crazy is the distance they travel when a bull hits them.
► 00:49:04
Pull it up!
► 00:49:05
They really fly.
► 00:49:06
They go like if you kicked it.
► 00:49:09
I want to go to see one of these live now.
► 00:49:11
I don't know how you don't fuck your legs up.
► 00:49:12
Those are smaller ones.
► 00:49:14
Those are smaller ones.
► 00:49:15
I've seen bigger ones.
► 00:49:16
Those are fucking dangerous because your knees can get torn apart.
► 00:49:19
And they get stomped on, too.
► 00:49:22
Get me out, get me out.
► 00:49:24
Your legs are totally out.
► 00:49:26
That's terrible.
► 00:49:27
If they stomped on your knee, you're done.
► 00:49:29
You're done forever.
► 00:49:30
You're done forever.
► 00:49:31
Look at this guy trying to run away.
► 00:49:32
He's a little wobbly.
► 00:49:34
He's like, you got me on that.
► 00:49:35
You got me, Bill.
► 00:49:36
Meanwhile, he's keeping that bubble on, even though he can't run with it on.
► 00:49:39
Wow.
► 00:49:40
This is so dumb, man.
► 00:49:42
With COVID, we're going to be wearing these.
► 00:49:43
Oh, my God.
► 00:49:45
And that thing took him right...
► 00:49:48
That's great.
► 00:49:49
We've got to go to one of these live.
► 00:49:50
That was right at where the bottom is.
► 00:49:52
He's coming right back.
► 00:49:52
Press play.
► 00:49:53
It's appalling.
► 00:49:54
He's not wearing a mask.
► 00:49:56
This is so...
► 00:49:57
He's going to give that poor Bill COVID. Wow.
► 00:50:02
This is great.
► 00:50:03
These guys are living.
► 00:50:03
This is the Jackass thing.
► 00:50:05
No, this is like the Special Olympics.
► 00:50:07
This is Jackass did this.
► 00:50:08
Oh, they did?
► 00:50:09
This is like the Special Olympics.
► 00:50:10
Bro, this is so dumb.
► 00:50:11
Oh my God, it's so dumb.
► 00:50:13
Oh!
► 00:50:14
Man, that's terrifying.
► 00:50:17
Oh my god!
► 00:50:19
Who thought of this?
► 00:50:22
Jackass did that in their movie and they all got paid a lot.
► 00:50:26
Those guys are doing it for drink tickets.
► 00:50:28
Yeah, right.
► 00:50:31
I had this dude on Fear Factor that was a bull rider and his shoulder was completely destroyed.
► 00:50:38
He had scars all over his shoulder from just getting ripped.
► 00:50:43
Trying to hang on, or falling to the ground, one or the other.
► 00:50:46
I don't know which arm it was that was fucked, but he was like, yeah, I can't do anything.
► 00:50:51
If I lift my arm, I'll find it.
► 00:50:52
It pops out.
► 00:50:53
Was it worth it?
► 00:50:54
I don't know.
► 00:50:55
I mean, there's a whole culture behind that.
► 00:50:58
Those bull riders are a different kind of human.
► 00:51:01
We'd go to the rodeo when I was a kid.
► 00:51:03
What is this?
► 00:51:04
Oh, this is one of the classics.
► 00:51:06
Jackass 3. The bull...
► 00:51:08
Once he makes them.
► 00:51:09
His dick was still working there.
► 00:51:11
I love how he stands in, though.
► 00:51:13
Oh, Margera!
► 00:51:15
Oh my god, that's so crazy.
► 00:51:17
This guy's got balls!
► 00:51:17
Balls of steel, literally.
► 00:51:19
He's the man.
► 00:51:21
Oh, the bull's getting ready.
► 00:51:22
That could be considered blackface now, by the way.
► 00:51:26
Oh my god.
► 00:51:27
He's standing in.
► 00:51:28
He's standing in while this bull is...
► 00:51:30
Steve-O's nervous.
► 00:51:33
The bull doesn't seem to know what to do.
► 00:51:36
It gets confused when it sees the wall.
► 00:51:38
They only see red, right?
► 00:51:40
Oh, I don't know if that's real.
► 00:51:41
Oh.
► 00:51:42
Oh, Jesus Christ.
► 00:51:43
Alright, that wasn't so bad.
► 00:51:43
That was a good move.
► 00:51:45
You don't want to fall from fighting in the air.
► 00:51:47
He could be paralyzed from that.
► 00:51:49
He's alright.
► 00:51:49
Look at him.
► 00:51:49
He's got a target on his back.
► 00:51:52
Dude, you know...
► 00:51:53
It does little touches for Jackass.
► 00:51:55
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
► 00:51:55
They're the greatest franchise in history.
► 00:51:57
I didn't realize how good they were until I went to Europe and everybody there loved them.
► 00:52:01
Oh, they're great.
► 00:52:02
And I was like, yeah, that makes sense.
► 00:52:03
Oh, so you need other people to love something for you to love it?
► 00:52:05
No, no, no.
► 00:52:06
Do you see what the fuck he just said?
► 00:52:07
Oh, my God.
► 00:52:07
Now you're turning on me, dude?
► 00:52:08
I thought this was guys' clan.
► 00:52:10
It's the Bushmeat boys.
► 00:52:11
I thought this was fucking dudes' clan or whatever.
► 00:52:15
The Bushmeat boys.
► 00:52:17
I thought it was Bushmeat boys, dude.
► 00:52:18
We don't joke about each other.
► 00:52:20
How much of a nightmare was Fear Factor to do?
► 00:52:24
Well, we did a bull riding thing once, and during the bull riding, there's only two times in the history of the show where I told them, don't do it.
► 00:52:30
I said, don't do this.
► 00:52:32
Don't do it.
► 00:52:33
And that was a big one.
► 00:52:34
They go, well, this guy was a stunt guy.
► 00:52:36
Those stunt guys, they're different humans.
► 00:52:39
They're so used to getting hurt.
► 00:52:41
They're so used to just being brave and taking wild chances.
► 00:52:45
The stunt guy literally said this to me.
► 00:52:46
He goes, ah, don't worry about it, boo.
► 00:52:48
Those are stunt bulls.
► 00:52:49
I go, stunt bulls?
► 00:52:50
I go, does that bull know he's a stunt bull?
► 00:52:52
I bet he thinks he's a fucking bull.
► 00:52:54
What are you talking about, man?
► 00:52:55
It's a stunt bull.
► 00:52:56
This thing was like 2,000 pounds, and it's in the cage.
► 00:52:59
Bang, bang!
► 00:53:00
And they strapped a 98 pound girl to that thing.
► 00:53:03
And I was like, you guys are out of your fucking mind.
► 00:53:05
They strapped a lady to a rodeo?
► 00:53:07
Guys, you have to understand, this show wasn't being done before this.
► 00:53:11
So it was like brand new that they would put people up for anything on TV. I know, but a woman on there is crazy.
► 00:53:16
It was nuts.
► 00:53:17
We always had women on the show doing wild shit, but this lady almost got kicked in the face.
► 00:53:22
She goes flying in the air, and as she's flying in the air, the bull kicks back.
► 00:53:27
And as the bull kicks back, this is her.
► 00:53:29
And as the bull kicks back, she almost got jacked.
► 00:53:32
She's tiny.
► 00:53:34
She's tiny.
► 00:53:35
But watch when she gets thrown off.
► 00:53:37
Look at that.
► 00:53:38
And she lands completely flat on her back.
► 00:53:41
Her back's fucked.
► 00:53:42
Her wind's gone.
► 00:53:43
Wind is gone.
► 00:53:43
Yeah, so she lands.
► 00:53:44
Look how far she lands.
► 00:53:46
And she almost gets kicked in the face.
► 00:53:48
It kicked her up!
► 00:53:48
It kicked her up!
► 00:53:49
Oh my god, she flopped like a doll.
► 00:53:51
It kind of did hit the back of her head, right?
► 00:53:53
And she landed completely flat on her back.
► 00:53:56
By the way, if she landed on her head, this could have been a horrific injury.
► 00:53:59
She's laughing?
► 00:54:00
That's how Betty White went.
► 00:54:01
But that was just dumb luck that she landed on her back.
► 00:54:04
And this is what I said.
► 00:54:05
I said to the guys afterwards, I said, we rolled the dice.
► 00:54:08
Yeah.
► 00:54:08
That's me.
► 00:54:09
Look at all cute.
► 00:54:09
She's pretty hot.
► 00:54:10
So are you, by the way.
► 00:54:11
I was sweet back then.
► 00:54:12
But this whole show was like, they kept ramping it up over and over and over again.
► 00:54:16
So it was two times.
► 00:54:17
The second time, they made people drink jizz.
► 00:54:20
And that was the time the show got canceled.
► 00:54:22
No way.
► 00:54:23
Oh, yeah, yeah.
► 00:54:23
They played horseshoes.
► 00:54:25
And even if you got a ring, if you ring it with the horseshoe, you still had to drink jizz.
► 00:54:30
What?
► 00:54:30
You just had to drink less jizz.
► 00:54:31
Because they kept ramping it up.
► 00:54:33
I feel like females have the advantage there, because they've eaten jizz before.
► 00:54:35
Well, you are a homophobic piece of shit.
► 00:54:38
Or N-gays.
► 00:54:39
Gays and women have the answer.
► 00:54:40
There's some gay guys in my family, dude.
► 00:54:42
So look at this.
► 00:54:43
This never aired in America?
► 00:54:45
That sucks for you.
► 00:54:45
It's never aired in America, but it did air overseas.
► 00:54:48
I think it aired in Holland.
► 00:54:49
Is it human jizz?
► 00:54:50
No, it's donkey.
► 00:54:51
Oh, that tastes good.
► 00:54:53
It's donkey jizz and donkey piss.
► 00:54:55
Oh, come on.
► 00:54:55
So they were twins.
► 00:54:56
Wait, I didn't know it was a black donkey.
► 00:54:59
Can I say this?
► 00:54:59
Was this your idea?
► 00:55:00
Was it kind of hot to watch those girls drink some jizz?
► 00:55:02
No, it was not hot.
► 00:55:03
Come on, John.
► 00:55:03
Wait, now we gotta watch to see if it's hot.
► 00:55:05
No, no.
► 00:55:06
This is not hot already.
► 00:55:07
These girls are pretty.
► 00:55:08
It's not hot at all.
► 00:55:08
They're drinking piss and jizz.
► 00:55:10
I want the jizz.
► 00:55:10
R. Kelly.
► 00:55:11
Would you drink the piss or the jizz?
► 00:55:13
I would drink the jizz.
► 00:55:15
What?
► 00:55:16
The girl drinking the piss got through it first.
► 00:55:17
Are you kidding me?
► 00:55:17
You gotta drink piss, dude.
► 00:55:19
What are you, a fucking gay dude?
► 00:55:21
This is supposed to be drunk.
► 00:55:24
What are you, a fucking gay dude?
► 00:55:26
How many edibles are you on here?
► 00:55:27
Oh, I was high as fuck.
► 00:55:29
I was high for every episode after episode four.
► 00:55:33
They each get one?
► 00:55:33
Have you guys tasted piss?
► 00:55:34
You order the jizz.
► 00:55:35
I'll order the piss.
► 00:55:36
It's hard to keep down.
► 00:55:37
I like how they're plugging the nose.
► 00:55:38
That's hilarious.
► 00:55:39
I've had piss before.
► 00:55:40
The texture of jizz?
► 00:55:41
Not just the texture of jizz, it's the texture of a quart of jizz.
► 00:55:44
That guy downed it.
► 00:55:46
He should throw up on his brother.
► 00:55:47
I'm going to throw up right here.
► 00:55:50
I want to get to these two.
► 00:55:51
I'd like to see them.
► 00:55:52
I hope they spilled some on their chin.
► 00:55:55
That was nice of NBC to have barf buckets ready.
► 00:55:57
Right away.
► 00:55:58
Oh, it's a big part of the show.
► 00:55:58
This was NBC? Yeah, baby.
► 00:56:00
These fuckers fired me?
► 00:56:01
Oh, yeah, dude.
► 00:56:02
Trust me.
► 00:56:03
They were doing this?
► 00:56:04
This never aired.
► 00:56:05
But the point is, this did get the green light from the executives.
► 00:56:08
Oh, yeah, look at her mascara running.
► 00:56:09
Oh, I've seen that porn.
► 00:56:10
How dare you?
► 00:56:12
Dude, this is brutal.
► 00:56:13
It's brutal.
► 00:56:13
So this is a real show.
► 00:56:15
And it was on actual TV. This is hot.
► 00:56:19
Right there.
► 00:56:20
This is hot.
► 00:56:21
Look, it's coming.
► 00:56:22
It's dripping cum off her shit.
► 00:56:24
Oh, God.
► 00:56:24
On television.
► 00:56:25
The 90s, baby.
► 00:56:27
On TV. No, this wasn't the 90s.
► 00:56:28
2001. 2011. Wow.
► 00:56:31
2010. Listen to me.
► 00:56:33
This is when Fear Factor came back.
► 00:56:36
We came back for like six episodes and then it got cancelled.
► 00:56:39
Look at the other girl.
► 00:56:40
Game recognizes game.
► 00:56:41
She's like, lady.
► 00:56:42
Nice.
► 00:56:43
Nice chain wallet, nerd.
► 00:56:45
You had a chain wallet?
► 00:56:46
It was a nice one.
► 00:56:48
That donkey's having a good time.
► 00:56:50
Look at that chain wallet.
► 00:56:51
Look at that chain.
► 00:56:52
Show it, Jamie.
► 00:56:55
That sucks, dude.
► 00:56:56
No, man.
► 00:56:56
It's comfortable.
► 00:56:57
That's when Big Jay thought you were alive.
► 00:57:02
If I wanted to kill somebody with a chain, I have one handy.
► 00:57:05
That's true.
► 00:57:06
I mean, being high for that must have been fucking insane.
► 00:57:09
It was high.
► 00:57:09
Every show was high.
► 00:57:10
If you were high watching it.
► 00:57:11
It was always insane.
► 00:57:12
Because when I did it, I was bored for like the first four episodes.
► 00:57:15
I was like, oh my god, what have I signed up for?
► 00:57:18
And I thought, oh, this is going to get canceled.
► 00:57:20
This is so crazy.
► 00:57:21
But when you're high, then it becomes so preposterous.
► 00:57:25
And everything was preposterous.
► 00:57:27
And then also I felt a lot of empathy towards the people.
► 00:57:30
When I was high, I wanted them to do well.
► 00:57:33
It helped me coach them.
► 00:57:35
Did you root for them?
► 00:57:36
No, it did.
► 00:57:37
It helped me coach them.
► 00:57:37
It helped me pump people up.
► 00:57:39
Because there's some times where you can change a person.
► 00:57:42
Like when they're about to do something, you can pump them up.
► 00:57:46
Right.
► 00:57:46
You really can.
► 00:57:47
Especially if it's not something that's going to kill them.
► 00:57:50
Like, just go, listen, you know, you can fucking do it.
► 00:57:53
And then just that vote of confidence and just giving them a perspective, just force yourself to do it.
Gerbil Stunts and Homophobia
00:15:17
► 00:57:58
Just decide that this is what you're going to do.
► 00:58:00
Don't give yourself an out.
► 00:58:01
Don't give yourself any options.
► 00:58:03
Just do it.
► 00:58:04
And you can do it.
► 00:58:04
I know you can do it.
► 00:58:05
And you'll feel better about yourself.
► 00:58:06
If you quit right now, you're gonna feel like a bitch for the rest of your life.
► 00:58:09
And then it's donkey jizz.
► 00:58:10
And then donkey jizz.
► 00:58:11
You talked him into something terrible.
► 00:58:12
This is what casting couch is.
► 00:58:14
Come on.
► 00:58:14
Just get done with it.
► 00:58:15
Well, the problem was everybody had to do these stunts.
► 00:58:20
And only one person would wind up winning the money.
► 00:58:23
In this case, twins would wind up winning the money.
► 00:58:25
So they did it for nothing.
► 00:58:25
Yeah, two people.
► 00:58:26
Two guys.
► 00:58:29
I don't remember.
► 00:58:31
They should win.
► 00:58:31
I hope they won, dude.
► 00:58:32
I hope those twins are doing well.
► 00:58:34
Just because of the jizz?
► 00:58:35
Where are they now?
► 00:58:35
I love those girls.
► 00:58:36
They've got more jizz in their stomach than Rod Stewart.
► 00:58:39
Remember that rumor?
► 00:58:40
Oh, yeah.
► 00:58:41
He had to get his stomach pumped.
► 00:58:42
I heard John Bon Jovi.
► 00:58:42
They did that about Lil' Kim, too.
► 00:58:44
That's right.
► 00:58:44
They lied about my sweet Lil' Kim.
► 00:58:46
The Richard Gere gerbil one was the biggest one.
► 00:58:48
That's the all-time favorite.
► 00:58:50
That's the rumor of all time.
► 00:58:51
That one spread, like, wild.
► 00:58:53
Wow, it was viral before viral.
► 00:58:55
I grew up in Boston.
► 00:58:56
Eddie Bravo grew up out here in California.
► 00:58:58
We both heard about it at the same time.
► 00:58:59
New Orleans, we heard it.
► 00:59:00
I mean, it made it through the country.
► 00:59:01
It's still going.
► 00:59:02
It's real.
► 00:59:03
It's in Malaysia right now, at least.
► 00:59:06
That guy heard it.
► 00:59:08
146-year-old heard it.
► 00:59:09
You know what I think it is?
► 00:59:10
He started it.
► 00:59:10
This is just a theory, but he was in Scientology for a while.
► 00:59:15
And when he left, they were like, yeah?
► 00:59:18
Oh, really?
► 00:59:19
No, no, but that doesn't mean it's fake.
► 00:59:21
That's the reason it came out.
► 00:59:22
Could be.
► 00:59:22
Because they released it, but it was real.
► 00:59:25
I think it's more like they were shaming him.
► 00:59:28
It might have been gerbil fetuses or something, but it happened.
► 00:59:31
They must declaw it, because of the anal cavity.
► 00:59:34
Guys have definitely done it, and they probably did it after hearing that rumor.
► 00:59:38
That was probably the first guy to do it.
► 00:59:40
Yeah.
► 00:59:40
Your stuff went in like a bulletproof condom.
► 00:59:44
You see the South Park with him getting lost in there?
► 00:59:46
Yeah, Lemmy Winks.
► 00:59:47
Was it Mr. Slave?
► 00:59:48
Lemmy Winks gets stuck in Mr. Slave.
► 00:59:51
You know what sucks though?
► 00:59:52
Being the type of guy that that rumor would stick to.
► 00:59:55
Like Richard Gere.
► 00:59:56
As soon as it came out, somebody being like, yeah, that's something you would do.
► 01:00:00
Hold on.
► 01:00:01
But it was such a weird, specific choice that you believed it.
► 01:00:03
It was so specific that I believe it.
► 01:00:06
Yeah.
► 01:00:06
After the Gigolo movie and an officer and a gentleman, too many women wanted to fuck him.
► 01:00:12
True.
► 01:00:12
Everybody was happy to fuck him.
► 01:00:13
He got bored.
► 01:00:14
He got bored.
► 01:00:15
Cindy Crawford.
► 01:00:15
No.
► 01:00:16
I'm not saying he really did it.
► 01:00:18
I'm saying the rumor.
► 01:00:18
The jealous dolphins grabbing him, dragging him down because he was hot.
► 01:00:21
I'm saying he did it.
► 01:00:21
That's all the guys.
► 01:00:22
That's because you're a jealous dolphin.
► 01:00:23
He did it out of boredom.
► 01:00:24
I'm jealous of the gerbil.
► 01:00:26
Richard Gere was hot.
► 01:00:28
Richard Gere was on it.
► 01:00:28
Do you guys remember when he tried to go on stage in Madison Square Garden after 9-11 and say, we all just need to give love and express love?
► 01:00:35
No.
► 01:00:35
Richard Gere?
► 01:00:36
Oh my god, he got booed.
► 01:00:37
What?
► 01:00:37
He got booed so hard.
► 01:00:39
He tried to give his Buddhist philosophy to a bloodthirsty group of revenge-hungry New Yorkers.
► 01:00:48
The ones who were just beating up Indian people at the time.
► 01:00:50
Yeah, that's right.
► 01:00:51
They didn't even know what Sikh is.
► 01:00:52
Those were the days.
► 01:00:53
Yeah.
► 01:00:54
I got a couple turbans.
► 01:00:55
I mean, it sucks because technically he was right.
► 01:00:57
We all need to give love.
► 01:00:59
That gerbil fucker went out there with a very nice peaceful message.
► 01:01:04
Yeah, love.
► 01:01:05
And those dumb wops and Jews from New York couldn't handle it.
► 01:01:08
What about the Irish?
► 01:01:09
We all do that stuff.
► 01:01:10
We're not worried about it.
► 01:01:11
And the blacks.
► 01:01:12
The Irish don't complain about those things.
► 01:01:13
No, no, no.
► 01:01:14
A few woke Irish guys who write poetry.
► 01:01:17
That's true.
► 01:01:18
James Joyce.
► 01:01:19
Yeah, they drink.
► 01:01:20
Oscar Wilde, yeah.
► 01:01:22
The other guy.
► 01:01:22
What do you mean they drink and pretend they're deep?
► 01:01:24
Some of them, not Oscar Wilde, but some Irish people are annoying.
► 01:01:27
Are you allowed to say Up The Raw on Spotify?
► 01:01:30
I'm 25% Irish.
► 01:01:32
I'm 25% annoying.
► 01:01:33
Which might explain, some have attributed to Stallone.
► 01:01:37
Okay, Gere was originally cast in The Lords of Flatbush, but he and Stallone didn't get along.
► 01:01:42
Shocker.
► 01:01:43
So Stallone had Gere fired.
► 01:01:45
Ha ha!
► 01:01:45
In the years since, Gere and Stallone's grudge Yeah.
► 01:02:04
Yeah.
► 01:02:08
He even thinks I'm the individual responsible for the gerbil rumor.
► 01:02:11
Not true, but that's the rumor.
► 01:02:14
He brought up a purpose to keep it going.
► 01:02:16
I gotta probably put a gerbil in his ass or something.
► 01:02:19
Are we talking about Sylvester?
► 01:02:21
Yeah.
► 01:02:21
It was basically...
► 01:02:23
Yeah.
► 01:02:24
Type of fruitcake.
► 01:02:25
Speaking of donkeys, I... Oh, they talk about Unliving Color?
► 01:02:29
I used to...
► 01:02:29
1992 sketch.
► 01:02:31
I used to love this sketch.
► 01:02:32
So when did that rumor start?
► 01:02:33
What year do you think that gerbil rumor started?
► 01:02:35
Late 80s.
► 01:02:35
Is that an article about the gerbil rumor?
► 01:02:37
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
► 01:02:38
It's all about it.
► 01:02:39
Maxim Magazine!
► 01:02:41
What is it?
► 01:02:43
Melm?
► 01:02:44
Melm Magazine?
► 01:02:45
Never heard of it.
► 01:02:46
No, I haven't either.
► 01:02:47
Hey, Kennison.
► 01:02:47
Sam Kennison talking about it.
► 01:02:48
Did he talk about it?
► 01:02:49
Let me hear this.
► 01:02:49
Let me hear Kennison talk about it.
► 01:02:51
That's really old.
► 01:02:53
Has everybody heard this shit about Richard Gere?
► 01:02:58
Dude, that's fucking intense, man.
► 01:03:00
How many people have heard about Richard Gere having a gerbil in his ass?
► 01:03:04
Uh-oh.
► 01:03:06
I swear to God, it's maybe a rumor.
► 01:03:09
I hope it's a rumor.
► 01:03:11
I was in Miami last night.
► 01:03:13
The fucking crowd there went nuts.
► 01:03:15
Like, well, shit, everybody in the country knows, supposedly, because I don't want to get in trouble.
► 01:03:20
Ooh!
► 01:03:21
But, supposedly, supposedly, I guess he was in the hospital.
► 01:03:28
Mark, you would probably know, but is this for real?
► 01:03:30
You're a doctor in L.A. It is for real?
► 01:03:32
He had a gerbil in his fucking ass?
► 01:03:35
Corroborated.
► 01:03:35
I can't believe that happened.
► 01:03:42
How good can this fucking feel?
► 01:03:45
Man, I have been drunk, folks.
► 01:03:47
I have been drunk and coked up and fucked up to where I have pissed in my suitcase thinking it was the toilet.
► 01:03:53
To where I lifted the lid of my suitcase and just fucking pissed.
► 01:03:58
Soaked down a $500 fucking red satin robe.
► 01:04:02
Half a suitcase full of my fucking piss.
► 01:04:05
You know, it never occurred to me to put a rodent in my fucking intestinal tract.
► 01:04:10
This was late-term Kennesaw.
► 01:04:14
Yeah, you can see his droopy eyes already.
► 01:04:16
That's not a guy who pays attention behind the wheel.
► 01:04:18
Well, this is the other thing.
► 01:04:19
I think someone hit him.
► 01:04:21
Yeah.
► 01:04:22
I think the problem is he was...
► 01:04:24
Was that over the line, dude?
► 01:04:25
Could you just stop being this guy?
► 01:04:27
What are you talking about?
► 01:04:28
Who's this guy?
► 01:04:28
I thought we were just busting balls.
► 01:04:30
He's the edgelord.
► 01:04:32
Yeah, you ever sit back and say, what am I doing?
► 01:04:34
Yeah, maybe you're right.
► 01:04:35
Maybe it's time to change.
► 01:04:36
Take it easy, dude.
► 01:04:36
Kinison is the best example that I can, for comics, of like a guy who is awesome and then was like a parody of himself really quickly.
► 01:04:45
Like within just a few years.
► 01:04:46
One special.
► 01:04:47
Yeah, one special.
► 01:04:49
One special special is fucking fantastic, though.
► 01:04:51
That was when he was young and wild and nobody had seen anything like him.
► 01:04:54
But then the partying and all that stuff after that, it became like a caricature.
► 01:04:58
Yeah.
► 01:04:59
I hope I do well and then fall apart, like, violently.
► 01:05:04
You should.
► 01:05:05
You will.
► 01:05:05
You're on track.
► 01:05:06
It's gonna happen.
► 01:05:07
It'd be good though, right?
► 01:05:08
Bad, bad, bad.
► 01:05:08
Those are legends, dude.
► 01:05:10
Those are the legends.
► 01:05:11
You die by 27, you can't do any wrong.
► 01:05:12
You didn't get a chance yet.
► 01:05:13
Also, you think I want to be fucking having a family and being gay and shit like that?
► 01:05:16
Nah.
► 01:05:17
You want a family.
► 01:05:18
It's a bad company.
► 01:05:19
Let's shotgun these.
► 01:05:20
I'm just Josh.
► 01:05:20
Let's shotgun these.
► 01:05:21
I'm Josh, and I've been saying, Jamie, please do me a kindness and get rid of all the times I've said homophobic stuff.
► 01:05:26
No, that's the whole pod.
► 01:05:28
How are you going to do that?
► 01:05:29
How are you going to do that?
► 01:05:30
Jamie, best judgment.
► 01:05:31
Jamie, could you do me a kindness?
► 01:05:33
Edit out a lot of the homophobic stuff.
► 01:05:34
Are you going to change your whole brand here?
► 01:05:36
Why don't you edit me out of this entire episode?
► 01:05:39
Blame it on Bud Light.
► 01:05:41
Maybe you get a sponsorship.
► 01:05:42
Bud Light will not sponsor me.
► 01:05:43
I've never reached out to them, but these cockcups should be all over you.
► 01:05:47
They better hurry up or I'm going to switch to Natty Light.
► 01:05:49
Nah, you're talking.
► 01:05:51
Natty Light will do it.
► 01:05:51
Natty Light's desperate as hell.
► 01:05:53
I think Budweiser owns them.
► 01:05:54
Bud Light's going to pay me.
► 01:05:56
Hey, let's shotgun this.
► 01:05:58
Do you know how to do it?
► 01:05:59
Yeah, I know how to shotgun it.
► 01:06:00
Do you support ice?
► 01:06:01
You got a knife?
► 01:06:01
Yeah, I love ice.
► 01:06:03
There's an arrowhead you can use.
► 01:06:05
Yeah, yo, shotgun and fucking Bud Light with an arrowhead.
► 01:06:08
Yeah, let's do that.
► 01:06:09
Oooh, I like it.
► 01:06:11
You can't use that arrowhead.
► 01:06:12
Why?
► 01:06:13
This is why they built it!
► 01:06:14
No, no, this is a real Native American arrowhead.
► 01:06:17
What do you think they'd want it used for?
► 01:06:18
Bro, if you broke this arrowhead, imagine if it survived 500 years in the ground.
► 01:06:23
Dude, that's the height they're gonna achieve!
► 01:06:26
Shotgunning a beer on Joe Rogan?
► 01:06:27
Shotgunning a beer on the JREs?
► 01:06:29
That's on them!
► 01:06:29
How are they going to kill the white man if the king walked with a beer?
► 01:06:33
You're denying them.
► 01:06:34
Hold on.
► 01:06:34
I would use my dick before I'd use it.
► 01:06:37
Wait, where'd you get that arrowhead?
► 01:06:38
Somebody gave it to me.
► 01:06:39
It's fake.
► 01:06:40
How do you know it's real?
► 01:06:41
Because I got it checked out.
► 01:06:42
Shut the fuck up.
► 01:06:42
He got it authenticated.
► 01:06:45
You guys are party poopers.
► 01:06:47
You want some of this?
► 01:06:48
Where'd you find it?
► 01:06:49
No, no, no!
► 01:06:49
Wait, wait, wait!
► 01:06:50
I like crapping a little so it doesn't...
► 01:06:52
Oh, I don't have a knife.
► 01:06:53
Okay, okay.
► 01:06:54
Alright, here we go.
► 01:06:57
Oh, Bushmeat Boys!
► 01:06:59
That's what I was trying to avoid.
► 01:07:00
Ugh.
► 01:07:01
Alright.
► 01:07:03
There we go.
► 01:07:04
Alright.
► 01:07:05
Twelve years sober down the drain.
► 01:07:06
Can you get a shot of beer?
► 01:07:07
I have.
► 01:07:08
It's time.
► 01:07:09
It's time.
► 01:07:11
I'm going to rip off the edge.
► 01:07:12
I don't really particularly like that kind of beer.
► 01:07:14
Very exciting.
► 01:07:15
It's not really about that.
► 01:07:18
What's it about?
► 01:07:19
It's about camaraderie and guys having fun.
► 01:07:22
Jamie, you gotta get one, dude.
► 01:07:24
Yeah, Jamie!
► 01:07:25
He's got a fucking control panel back there.
► 01:07:27
Imagine if it kills the show because of you, you fucking cunt.
► 01:07:31
This is Ari's choice.
► 01:07:32
I didn't want to do this.
► 01:07:33
Wait, I'm doing one?
► 01:07:34
Yeah, you're doing one.
► 01:07:35
I don't even drink.
► 01:07:35
Hold on, hold on.
► 01:07:37
You don't drink anymore?
► 01:07:38
Nah.
► 01:07:39
Yeah, he quite a while ago.
► 01:07:40
You gotta drink booze right there.
► 01:07:41
I just gave him more booze.
► 01:07:41
Oh, weird.
► 01:07:42
Why?
► 01:07:43
Joking.
► 01:07:43
Ready?
► 01:07:44
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
► 01:07:46
Wait, how does this work again?
► 01:07:47
It's been a while.
► 01:07:47
James wants one?
► 01:07:48
Yeah, James wants one.
► 01:07:49
Will you give me one?
► 01:07:50
Can I have one, please?
► 01:07:51
Yeah.
► 01:07:52
So you crack the top and...
► 01:07:53
This whole damn studio's gonna smell like Bud Light.
► 01:07:55
Don't do anything.
► 01:07:56
Oh, he already blew it.
► 01:07:57
Mine's already falling apart.
► 01:07:58
No, it's fine.
► 01:07:59
Let's do it.
► 01:07:59
Ready?
► 01:07:59
Did you already crack it?
► 01:08:00
Hold on, give me a second.
► 01:08:01
These things are cold, dude.
► 01:08:01
This carpet's getting ruined.
► 01:08:02
This is going to go to heart.
► 01:08:03
Wait, so what are you doing?
► 01:08:04
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
► 01:08:05
What are you doing?
► 01:08:06
Peter North?
► 01:08:07
You just crack it open the top.
► 01:08:09
Peter North, that's hilarious, right?
► 01:08:10
It hurts because it's cold.
► 01:08:20
It's so cold.
► 01:08:23
That was refreshing.
► 01:08:24
It is refreshing, is it not?
► 01:08:26
Yeah, it's like the ice bath of beer.
► 01:08:30
Yeah.
► 01:08:30
It's like, you do it, it's not comfortable, you do it, but it's over.
► 01:08:33
You just took a whole beer right there.
► 01:08:35
We're one ahead.
► 01:08:36
It really works.
► 01:08:38
It goes down.
► 01:08:39
Yeah.
► 01:08:40
Shotgun, bro.
► 01:08:41
Yeah.
► 01:08:42
That's crazy.
► 01:08:43
That is medical misinformation, though, if we're talking about telling the public to shotgun beers.
► 01:08:47
What do you mean?
► 01:08:48
How's that misinformation?
► 01:08:50
We're not saying it's good for you.
► 01:08:51
We showed how fucking awesome we are.
► 01:08:57
I got CVS vitamin D and I drank a little bit of beer and then I ate a lot of chicken wings.
► 01:09:05
Zinc.
► 01:09:05
I posted that I followed Joe Rogan's strict advice to be super racist.
► 01:09:12
I started with Eskimos and moved on.
► 01:09:15
Are you racist to Eskimos?
► 01:09:16
No, not at all.
► 01:09:17
He's known for it.
► 01:09:18
It was called an Ari Shafir tweet.
► 01:09:20
You don't like Eskimos?
► 01:09:23
I love him.
► 01:09:24
What is it you don't like about him?
► 01:09:25
Raw blubber.
► 01:09:26
It's something about it, man.
► 01:09:27
You don't like him.
► 01:09:28
And they ship those fucking geezers out on ice floats.
► 01:09:31
Is that right?
► 01:09:31
The old guy?
► 01:09:32
I don't lie.
► 01:09:33
You ever seen Bourdain's show where he went to visit this tribe that was, I guess it was a tribe of Inuit?
► 01:09:40
What do you call them?
► 01:09:41
A group?