Jan. 4, 2022 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:26:19
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| Cheers, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, yeah. | |
| Happy New Year. | ||
| Happy New Year to you, too. | ||
| It was very nice to officially meet you. | ||
| Yeah, it sounds cool. | ||
| I follow you on the Instagram, watch your posts all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah? | |
| Okay, good. | ||
| I follow you, too. | ||
| You're having a good time? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I've been doing these little, what do you call it? | ||
| We kind of reenact a scene for movies and it's been really fun. | ||
| It's hard because you have to know the scene really well. | ||
| So I've done like the planes, trains and all, you know, my fucking car, my fucking... | ||
| So it's been fun. | ||
| It's a new little gig. | ||
| But yeah, I try to keep it fun, Instagram. | ||
| No, you definitely do. | ||
| And you're obviously, you've done a lot of radio because you have one ear on, one ear off. | ||
| Jim Norton always does that. | ||
| That or I'm just retarded. | ||
| No, I do this in person. | ||
| Jim Norton does that too? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people do that and have done a lot of radio. | ||
| Yeah, I've done a lot. | ||
| Yeah, a little bit of, yeah, a little, exactly. | ||
| I don't understand that. | ||
| Because you're looking at me like, put your headset on, right? | ||
| Yeah, we've been doing comedy for so fucking long and that we've never met. | ||
| It's kind of funny. | ||
| That is bizarre. | ||
| I mean, you've been doing it, um... | ||
| 30 plus years? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, same. | |
| I started in 1985. Yeah, I started in 88, so I had to reach out. | ||
| All right, I got my three. | ||
| I'm the veteran here. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You're a funny guy, man, and you at least used to take a lot of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I never understood it. | |
| I don't either. | ||
| I never have understood that. | ||
| But it's mellowed out a little bit. | ||
| It's kind of like, you know, you've done it so long. | ||
| You're kind of like, okay, you can go to the barbecue now. | ||
| You're part of the club. | ||
| But for years and years, I mean, from the very, very beginning, which is kind of funny, you being a comic, but I started in Florida. | ||
| One thing everybody worried about was, you know, thiever. | ||
| You don't want to steal. | ||
| He stole his act. | ||
| So I thought, you know, not only did I do my thing just because I wanted to do props, but I thought, wow, no one's going to hate me because I'm doing... | ||
| I'm not doing anyone's—I mean, I'm stealing Crimewatch signs and shit and lugging them around the country. | ||
| So if anything, they would say, you know, okay, he's not funny, or at least he's original, but he's not funny. | ||
| But they would say, oh, no, he's—you know, everything. | ||
| I just got—I would get shit for—like, I was the shit—I was just feeling the punchline. | ||
| Yeah, you were a whipping boy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what it's like? | ||
| It's like Nickelback. | ||
| For whatever, Nickelback takes so much shit. | ||
| It's like someone decides that that's a good punchline, you know, whether it's Carrot Top or Nickelback. | ||
| And I've seen Nickelback, and they put on a pretty amazing show. | ||
| They've got some good songs, man. | ||
| And they do. | ||
| They're pop songs, yeah, but so fucking what? | ||
| It's like they're not... | ||
| It wasn't hurting anybody. | ||
| It was, you know, so let's say I would do a show and we have a, you know, nice crowd. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It's a standing ovation. | ||
| We get on the bus and we're driving to wherever next gig and we're all watching, you know, the TV and then boom, there's a caretop rip. | ||
| And I'd be like, you know, what the fuck? | ||
| We just did a great show. | ||
| We had a whole bunch of people laughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So this one guy is telling me, you know, that I said, whatever, you know, I've always been a guy that's considered the source. | ||
| I mean, I was always picked on as a kid. | ||
| But when I'd come home, my mom would, you know, what happened? | ||
| I picked on me. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| And it was this guy. | ||
| Well, consider the source, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's always been that with comedy, too. | ||
| Like when, you know, George Carlin said I was funny, that negated every asshole that said I sucked. | ||
| George Carlin thought I was funny. | ||
| No, you are funny, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have a good show. | |
| I think most humans want everyone to love them, right? | ||
| But as comics, we're even more sensitive. | ||
| I want not only to have fans... | ||
| But I want my peers to like me as well, so it's weird. | ||
| And then people say, well, who gives a shit of, you know, you have fans that love you, who cares about your peers? | ||
| I'm like, well, you kind of want other comics to go, hey, man, I dig your style, you know? | ||
| No, for sure. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| If you're rejected by your peers, even if the rest of the world loves you, but comics hate you, it's horrible. | ||
| Like I said, I've done it so long, I guess they're finally like, ah, fuck it, he can stay, I guess. | ||
| Well, I think, first of all, you own the genre now. | ||
| There used to be, like when I started in 88, there used to be prop comics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You became so successful as a prop comic that you own the genre. | ||
| Like, there's no prop comics anymore, man. | ||
| I think, I know, I don't think anyone wants to be one. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| They're like, fuck that, I'm not going down that path. | ||
| I'm going to take over all the abuse that I took. | ||
| I'd tell them, don't do it! | ||
| But we had, though, like you said, Rip Taylor or Gallagher. | ||
| And by the way, Gallagher was very much of an influence on me when I started doing Comedy Night. | ||
| And I would get... | ||
| Well, I should just say... | ||
| One day Gallagher meets me for lunch and Gallagher's listening. | ||
| So he's yelling at me and screaming in front of everybody in front of the valet. | ||
| And he says, I stole his act. | ||
| And I was like, Gallagher. | ||
| He meets you for lunch to yell at you? | ||
| Yeah, well, I think we've made up since, I think. | ||
| He came to the show and told me how to redo it. | ||
| But I know he did. | ||
| I've heard him on Stern, dude. | ||
| He sounds fucking crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get rid of that. | |
| And, you know, stop doing props. | ||
| So... | ||
| Yeah, but the thing that I thought was kind of funny, because in my defense of Gallagher, I used to always say, it's not the watermelon. | ||
| He's a really brilliant comic. | ||
| I mean, you go back and listen to his writing. | ||
| It was great, but all people knew was him jumping on a big couch and hitting a watermelon. | ||
| But I would always say, no, that guy's a genius. | ||
| And so then he meets me and he tells me, you know what, you stole my act and you stole the stupid stuff. | ||
| First, I didn't steal anything. | ||
| He says, hey, the stupid stuff. | ||
| Why didn't you steal the smart stuff, the words, the stuff that's actually clever? | ||
| Why would you steal? | ||
| I said, but I didn't steal. | ||
| It's my stupid stuff. | ||
| What was he saying you stole? | ||
| My whole act. | ||
| He said, you know, just maybe the genre, I guess, because if you break down Gallagher prop stuff, it was always a pun. | ||
| It was a shoehorn. | ||
| It was like Rip Taylor, kind of like a, hey, it's a butterfly. | ||
| It's butter with wings. | ||
| And mine was like, no, it's a Crimewatch sign. | ||
| It was more of an invention. | ||
| Prop. | ||
| So he thought that by, you know, you holding up two things and saying it's a this and a that, like he used to do that? | ||
| See, and I never did that. | ||
| That's what was funny. | ||
| We never, I've never, my style of prop comedy is kind of an interesting, it's like an inventive, if you go back and find any prop, there's always a twist to it. | ||
| So it's not just me holding up a, it's not a word, play word. | ||
| Like the WID. Yeah, the WID. I've got my tubes tied, and it's just tubes all together. | ||
| So Moran's trying to think of what I would have, like a microphone from Mick Jagger that has an oxygen thing in it. | ||
| So it's something that's more into it. | ||
| Anyway, it's just a different... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's jokey, but it's also... | ||
| Yeah, and when I did The Family Guy, they called and said, you know, we got the thing all ready, and they sent me the script. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| So the joke is, it's a seesaw, right? | ||
| So I'm like, so its prop is a saw with glasses on it, right? | ||
| And that's kind of not what I do, right? | ||
| And so I was like, oh man, this is, I don't like this. | ||
| If we change it to something that I do, and the guy, what's his, what's that? | ||
| McFarlane says, dude, no, this is, people, it's fucking great. | ||
| And I said, I don't know, but it's a seesaw, it's really stupid. | ||
| And he says, I wrote it. | ||
| I said, no. | ||
| It's not that stupid then. | ||
| I said, no, I just want to do, can I do one of my props? | ||
| He said, well, two things wrong. | ||
| We already have the animation done. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And secondly, everyone loves it. | ||
| And if you want to do it, we'll just get someone else to do the voice. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| I said, no, no, I want to do it. | ||
| If we can't, fuck it. | ||
| So I did it, and I still to this day get people to go, dude, see-saw. | ||
| So they were right. | ||
| I just was like, damn it, I want it to be a little more whatever. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Well, also, you've got to be a little defensive after all the years of people shitting on you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| True. | ||
| What is it like having a Vegas residency? | ||
| Because I've always thought about that, like... | ||
| There's people that I think did it where maybe they probably shouldn't have done it, and then there's people like you that you seem to be having a good time doing it, and then you still do occasional shows in other spots. | ||
| Yeah, I love it. | ||
| I mean, I was telling you guys out front there a bit ago that in the beginning I was very reluctant because I was my road guy, and so I would do the road and live on a tour bus and that, and then they offered the gig, and I was like, eh. | ||
| So I started doing just a couple weeks. | ||
| Which now they call residencies. | ||
| Residencies, you know, you live there. | ||
| It's residency. | ||
| But now you have a weekend. | ||
| Now they're doing a residency. | ||
| So I said, I'll do two weeks at a time. | ||
| And it was kind of rough. | ||
| Vegas is a different beast. | ||
| I just wasn't ready for people sitting in, you know, like booths and eating, you know, like dinner show, eating and kind of getting slouched. | ||
| And I was like, I'm used to people like, you know. | ||
| Psyched for the show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, they're coming out to see you. | ||
| George Carlin would tell me, he says, you know, you couldn't get into it. | ||
| Oh, so fuck it, I'm going to go see Carlin kind of thing. | ||
| So as I've gotten more fans, I think I'm getting more of my audience. | ||
| But back then, there was just people that were, you know, going by a buffet, going, hey, get a Carrot Top ticket and whatever, check it out. | ||
| How long have you been doing it now in Vegas? | ||
| 16 at the Luxor and then 10 at the MGM. 26 years? | ||
| And then at Bally's once. | ||
| One year, I mean, sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| So you've been in Vegas. | ||
| Penn and Teller and I have been going back and forth on who's been the longest. | ||
| And I said, well, I do all the work. | ||
| You have fucking Teller, right? | ||
| So I win by default. | ||
| Well, you know... | ||
| And Teller doesn't do shit. | ||
| He just stands there. | ||
| Penn and Teller, they're very unique people. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Very, very unique. | ||
| You know, Penn is a super interesting guy. | ||
| And you really wouldn't think that he would fit in in Vegas. | ||
| Penn? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He barely fits. | ||
| He's 6'9". | ||
| He's a giant dude, yeah. | ||
| But he seems like he belongs somewhere else. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, so, 26 fucking years doing a residency, that's a long-ass time, man. | ||
| It is a long time. | ||
| Have you always done some road work while you're doing that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We just did a last, two weeks ago, we did a whole bunch of Kansas City and Detroit and Chicago and Minneapolis. | ||
| What do you like doing? | ||
| Do you like doing, like, weekends? | ||
| I like both. | ||
| I like the Vegas show. | ||
| You know, it's kind of, you're there every night, you get to go home. | ||
| But the road shows are, you kind of feel like a rock, you know, I took my opener with me to say, dude, this is, you know, it's like, you feel like, you know, you're in show business. | ||
| You know, sometimes you forget, oh yeah, I'm in show business there. | ||
| But you're on the road, right? | ||
| And you got people out by the bus, and there's things, and there's energy, and there's, you know, that kind of stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the Vegas residency has got to be good for your health, though. | ||
| Because you're not fucking flying all the time. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| So there's a lot of ups for it, too. | ||
| And it seems to be easier to kind of throw in new jokes every night because you're not... | ||
| You know, I can come in and rehearse and... | ||
| Just try it. | ||
| If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. | ||
| Yeah, have you had, like, most comics, they'll go places and work out. | ||
| Like, you'll go to, like, a small club and fuck around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, no. | |
| See, I haven't done that. | ||
| I haven't done that, honestly. | ||
| And people always say, have you ever... | ||
| I say, no, I work out every night at the fucking Luxor. | ||
| So why about I fly to L.A. and try shit out at the improv? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, how many nights a week are you working? | ||
| I gotta lug it there, so, you know. | ||
| Yeah, that's the difference with you. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's what was funny. | ||
| Like, going back all these years, I had to, like, drug all that shit everywhere. | ||
| How much shit do you have? | ||
| Oh, a lot. | ||
| It used to be, when we did the roadshows, it was a whole semi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A whole semi? | |
| Yeah, we had ramps and risers and pyro, and it was like, it was a big show, and people would say like, and the people that would come there to unload the truck to set up the show for that day, let's say we're here in Austin, they'd be like, all this shit for fucking, for one guy? | ||
| And I said, it takes a lot of shit to make me funny. | ||
| I need all this shit, trust me. | ||
| I need my props and my trunks and my lights and my snow machines. | ||
| Yeah, no, I get it. | ||
| I did that way back. | ||
| The very first club I did, they were like livid with me because I had like, and I had to do it all by myself. | ||
| Back then I made, my dad was a scientist, so he made this like pedal, foot pedal, and I could hit first button, did a strobe light, and the second one was a snow machine, and the third one was something, and a sound effect or something. | ||
| And a club owner came up between two shows and says, was there a fucking snow machine in the middle of the show? | ||
| I was like, yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I said, didn't you see the show? | ||
| It made sense. | ||
| I ate a peppermint patty. | ||
| I said, what was it like? | ||
| And snow came to his. | ||
| Whatever the joke was. | ||
| And the club owner got mad. | ||
| He didn't get mad. | ||
| He was just like, I've never seen someone in a leaf blower because I did it like a hurricane bit and turned into a Michael Jackson bit. | ||
| And he would say, I've never seen someone bring a leaf blower in to do a show. | ||
| Well, now you have. | ||
| I said, now you have. | ||
| And then he said, I love that. | ||
| Well, that's good. | ||
| So, like, when you go on the road now, do you bring a semi as well? | ||
| It's still a big truck, but it's not a full-on, because we took a lot of the stuff. | ||
| It was literally like setting up Aerosmith. | ||
| And when you're in Vegas at the Luxor, is everything set up for you so you can just kind of plug and play? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| How many nights a week are you there? | ||
| Six. | ||
| Six nights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not bad though. | ||
| I do like six nights a week. | ||
| I take a day off on Sunday and then I do like on average three or four weeks and then I go to Florida. | ||
| Oh, so you do like a few weeks on and do you partially live in Florida? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have a house in Orlando so I kind of go back and forth. | ||
| What makes you go to Orlando? | ||
| Why'd you pick that? | ||
| There's just a house there that my key fits into. | ||
| I'm gonna go here again. | ||
| But why Florida? | ||
| That's why I was born and raised, so I found a house there and I just kept it. | ||
| Believe it or not, most of my family lives now in Vegas, but my father lived in Florida. | ||
| He worked at NASA Space Center. | ||
| A lot of fucking people moved to Vegas this year. | ||
| I have quite a few friends that moved there that either... | ||
| You know, they were either thinking about Arizona, Texas, Nashville, or Vegas. | ||
| Yeah, so those are the big... | ||
| Nashville's another one. | ||
| And even Austin, right? | ||
| It's growing like crazy. | ||
| Yeah, Austin's bananas right now. | ||
| My niece goes here. | ||
| She's... | ||
| Yeah, I have like 10 of my friends moved here. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| It's better, you know? | ||
| I mean, California is just too fucked right now, and so it was one of those things where... | ||
| Yeah, I lived there for a bit near Malibu, and I, you know, I was not... | ||
| Once I got the Vegas thing, I just kind of got out of there. | ||
| Well, I loved it before the shit hit the fan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because the comedy store was there, all my friends were there, but when we realized that the government can stop you from working, that... | ||
| And not just for two weeks, but for fucking almost two years. | ||
| It was so long before they allowed indoor shows again. | ||
| I was like, these people are out of their fucking minds. | ||
| You've got to let people make their own choices. | ||
| Also, this is a respiratory virus. | ||
| You're not stopping shit, as you can see. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yep, it's very true. | ||
| I was talking to the girl out there about when we first got back. | ||
| We had the very first show back in Vegas, and it was one of those things where we want you back. | ||
| And I said, who else is coming back? | ||
| They said, nobody, just you. | ||
| And I said, what? | ||
| You were the first show back? | ||
| First one. | ||
| But I think it's because I was the only guy on stage. | ||
| So all the shows with all the dancers and things, and even with, you know, other people. | ||
| So I was the only one. | ||
| Panatella didn't want to do it. | ||
| And, you know, Criss Angel didn't want to do it. | ||
| No one wanted to go back. | ||
| And I was dying to go back. | ||
| I was, you know, a year of sitting in—I mean, it's nice sitting in my boat in Florida, but— At the same time, you're like, I'm losing my sense of purpose. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| I gotta perform again, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah, I went back, and then, but the weird part, they put us in this 2,200-seat theater. | ||
| It was the old Criss Angel Theater when he played there, and it was only 100 people allowed. | ||
| So you had 200 seats. | ||
| 2,200 theater and 100 people? | ||
| Yeah, 100 people, and distanced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And a 40-foot moat. | ||
| What? | ||
| 40 feet between you and them? | ||
| I used to make a joke. | ||
| I'd say, in fact, Gallag would do horrible in here and he wouldn't hit anybody. | ||
| 40 feet is so far. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It was really weird. | ||
| I gotta be honest. | ||
| And my guys would be at the end and say, you know, it really wasn't that bad considering in their masks. | ||
| So you can't, it's muffled. | ||
| But it wasn't, I don't know, it was better than just not doing a show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there were nights you're like, wow, this is not, I don't want to do this. | ||
| And then it's slowly, slowly bigger and bigger. | ||
| Now we're back in our original theater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did one show in July of 2020. I did one weekend at the Houston Improv. | ||
| They're still allowing people to do shows. | ||
| And this was obviously pre-vaccines, pre-everything. | ||
| And, you know, it was still a little sketchy. | ||
| And I did the show and then we had a great time and I thought, God damn it, I'm going to go on the road again. | ||
| And then I got really high. | ||
| And then I thought, what if I get COVID and I give it to someone and they die? | ||
| That's what I thought. | ||
| And I said, okay, I can't do this. | ||
| It was just too weird back then. | ||
| There was no real treatment for it. | ||
| No one knew what was going on. | ||
| It was a little scary. | ||
| People didn't have any idea what was happening. | ||
| People were just dying. | ||
| So I took a long time off, and then I came back. | ||
| wanted to do a bunch of shows in Austin and he said we're gonna do them outside we're gonna test everybody we'll create a kovat bubble nobody goes outside the bubble and by then I was already testing people for every single show here right so I was like okay goes outside the bubble and by then i was already testing people for every single show here right so i was like okay i feel safe doing that because i'm all i'm doing right now is going home and then going to work and when i go to work everyone's getting tested and so i felt pretty safe and confident and then i would go to the shows and we would test like you know hundreds and hundreds of people and they would all sit outside and they all had to wear a mask and then we | ||
| had our little covid bubble yeah and so we started doing that again that was like i guess we started doing it November of 2020. | ||
| I remember seeing on your Instagram that you guys were going to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I remember people asking me, hey, you want to do some drive-in theater? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| That was Burt Kreischer's idea. | ||
| I know, but what's your thought on this? | ||
| So you're on stage. | ||
| Well, Burt invented it. | ||
| You're on stage and the people are sitting in their cars? | ||
| So you can't hear them. | ||
| Yeah, but they honk and stuff. | ||
| Well, see, it's perfect for birth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| So honk, honk. | ||
| I did get a prop killed honk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it really killed honk. | ||
| Yeah, it's like they laugh and you hear them honk. | ||
| What if you don't hear any horns? | ||
| You're like, fuck, I'm bombing. | ||
| Yeah, you're bombing. | ||
| There's no horns. | ||
| See, I'm terrified of that. | ||
| It's not ideal, but it's better than anything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And Burt invented it, so it was his idea. | ||
| So for him, it was like a chance to be on the road again. | ||
| I guess it seems more for music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Than comedy. | ||
| I can't, you know, I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, it makes sense. | ||
| But even music, you want to see people dancing around, rocking out. | ||
| You see the car, you know. | ||
| If the car comes rocking, he'll come knocking. | ||
| And having a good time in that car. | ||
| Yeah, if it's a van. | ||
| You know, Dave and I, we did shows together back in doing colleges. | ||
| Oh, in the NACA days? | ||
| Yeah, NACA days. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And this is a great, every time I see Dave, he always says the same thing. | ||
| He says, man, that, so I'll tell you what happened. | ||
| So we played some, it was like Kansas or Iowa, some more Midwest town. | ||
| And we did the show. | ||
| And then afterwards, you know, we're young then. | ||
| He says, let's go get a drink. | ||
| So we go get a drink. | ||
| And we have all these college kids. | ||
| And finally, we're like, let's just go back to the hotel, like a little La Quinta, which is Spanish behind Denny's, by the way. | ||
| So La Quinta. | ||
| And this was before we had cell phones. | ||
| I said, hey, let's exchange numbers. | ||
| And he says, yeah, man, let's do that. | ||
| So he leans over the counter and grabs a pen out and writes his number down. | ||
| And this guy comes out and says, did you just take money out of the cash register? | ||
| And we're like, what? | ||
| And he's like, did you just steal money out of the cash register? | ||
| And we're like... | ||
| We looked at each other. | ||
| I'm like, no, we just... | ||
| Dave's like, I just grabbed a pen to exchange the numbers, man. | ||
| Take it easy. | ||
| I said, we're the comedians, you know, playing in town. | ||
| He's like, I'm calling the cops. | ||
| And I said to Dave... | ||
| No, Dave says, call the cops. | ||
| And I said, is that camera work? | ||
| And he says, what? | ||
| The one right there? | ||
| And he goes... | ||
| He says, yep. | ||
| I said, well, we're going to find out then. | ||
| I said, make sure that you got the footage of that because we grabbed a pen. | ||
| We didn't grab cash out of the register. | ||
| And sure enough, he's like, you boys better get on. | ||
| We're like, we just wanted to exchange numbers. | ||
| Weird, right? | ||
| I thought we took money out of the register. | ||
| Well, you know, some people live in a world of shit, you know, and you just dipped your toes into their world. | ||
| Yeah, we're like, well, we didn't take money, dude. | ||
| That's, yeah. | ||
| We should have. | ||
| That's pretty sad. | ||
| We were, you know, we were broke comics. | ||
| We should have actually taken money out of the register. | ||
| Those college gigs were always weird, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd travel to strange universities that would have comics come. | ||
| Yeah, yep. | ||
| I used to do all that for years. | ||
| I did a... | ||
| Goodness. | ||
| I'd do the morning in a cafeteria. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| Yeah, I did those. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Standing on a cafeteria table. | ||
| Yes, literally. | ||
| And then there was only one time in my entire career, and I mean full-on career, That I refused to go on, and it was an ACCA gig, and they had a thing in a breezeway, right? | ||
| Literally like a box. | ||
| So my trunk didn't even fit on the box. | ||
| It wasn't even a stage, right? | ||
| Like the size of this table? | ||
| Smaller than this, so yeah, it was like a crate. | ||
| And so I said, you know, my guy that helped me set up back then said, he'd come, you know, get in the car. | ||
| He's like, you're not going to like this one, you know. | ||
| I said, how bad? | ||
| I said, dude, it's in a fucking breezeway. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| It's in a breezeway. | ||
| And I was like, I don't know if that makes sense. | ||
| What do you mean breezeway? | ||
| And he's like, it's like a box, like a milk carton thing. | ||
| And there's a microphone thing. | ||
| And then, yeah. | ||
| And this is when I used to have a, you know, I had to have a harness I made that would hold my, Big Mike, like this. | ||
| She said, I'm going to stand there in the middle of a fucking breezeway. | ||
| My kids are going to class. | ||
| No, seriously. | ||
| And I'm like, I ain't doing it, right? | ||
| So I said, fuck that. | ||
| No. | ||
| So we got in the van and drove to the next gig, which is, you know, probably six hours away. | ||
| And it was in a big theater. | ||
| You know, it's weird that you do one in the cafeteria and then an hour later you're in a big theater. | ||
| So my phone's blowing up. | ||
| I call my office and they're like, you can't just cancel a show. | ||
| And I said, yeah, I can. | ||
| I'm not going to do it, right? | ||
| Well, where are you? | ||
| I said, we're two hours out. | ||
| We're fucking, we're not going. | ||
| So it turns out that college and that gig and that breezeway, that guy was the president of NACA that booked me for that. | ||
| The president of NACA. Well, he's an asshole. | ||
| He is an asshole, but I'm saying, oh shit, of all people that I did that to, it was the president of NACA. Yeah, but that guy shouldn't be the president. | ||
| If he's the guy that's making those kind of decisions, that's disrespectful to the performers. | ||
| Agreed. | ||
| But I remember thinking, great, now I'm going to get blacklisted on the NACA conventions. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| No, because I think I was kind of done with the colleges. | ||
| No, it was a year early on. | ||
| I didn't get blacklisted. | ||
| No. | ||
| I went on and I kept getting books, but... | ||
| I know a lot of comics that refuse to do colleges now. | ||
| Well, now I wouldn't. | ||
| They're just too ridiculous. | ||
| No, I wouldn't. | ||
| I don't think I would do a college now. | ||
| No. | ||
| I lived on those for so many years. | ||
| And it's not against the person, but the colleges, it's just, I think, like you just said, it's probably, I don't know, the audiences that, I mean, half my act you can't do. | ||
| Like, I go back and look at stuff that I did on The Tonight Show, Regis and Kathie Lee, I still do it in my show, because fuck it, I just do what I do. | ||
| I just, you know, and people, they ooh, and I go, there's worse shit coming, take it easy. | ||
| But I would have like a, you know, a mousetrap to catch gay mice. | ||
| It was a little mousetrap with a mirror ball on it, and it would spin. | ||
| It'd fucking kill, right? | ||
| And even Gary Shanling, I do this, Gary Shanling is watching me, and he came over and said... | ||
| That was great, the fucking gay mousetrap thing, right? | ||
| And so you look at it now, but that was on network television, like 8, 9 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| And I could do that. | ||
| I had a plate for bulimics. | ||
| It was a toilet seat with a plate built into it so you could eat and throw up. | ||
| It was all this shit, but you think about it now, and they'd be like, oh, God, you can't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you crazy? | |
| Well, you can. | ||
| You just have to take some heat. | ||
| But the thing is about colleges, it's like they will instantaneously become activists and try to shut you down. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| My show's so silly. | ||
| It's a silly show. | ||
| Gay Mice Trap is a funny thing. | ||
| Why is it even negative? | ||
| It's not negative. | ||
| Because someone's going to say, oh no, you're picking on the... | ||
| No, not picking on anybody. | ||
| Of course you're not. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's just the fact that, you know, if you joke around about a subject, then it becomes hateful now. | ||
| Like, we've entered into this new area where even touching on a subject, you become like, you're hateful. | ||
| Just joking around about something, you're hateful. | ||
| Yeah, it's unreal. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| Well, even like with Dave, when all that went down, you know this probably more than I know, but they didn't show a lot of the people that were pro for him. | ||
| They kept showing the people that are against it. | ||
| Here's the thing they didn't do with Dave. | ||
| They didn't quote any of the material. | ||
| If you notice it, they kept saying it's transphobic, it's transphobic, but it's one of the very rare times where someone's being accused of something, but there's not a specific thing that they point to where they say that this is egregious, this is transphobic. | ||
| It's not transphobic. | ||
| It's essentially like it's a long love letter to a friend of his that killed herself. | ||
| I mean, that's really what that part of it is. | ||
| And he's saying that a lot of it is because this woman who he was friends with got dragged online and attacked in DMs and stuff by other people that were in the trans community that said that she shouldn't stand up for Dave Chappelle and she wound up killing herself. | ||
| This was... | ||
| It's not a transphobic bit. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's like him trying to... | ||
| You know, if you're going to give it any criticism at all, I think you could say that he talks about trans people a lot. | ||
| I mean, it's been a major subject matter for him for the last couple specials. | ||
| Yeah, I remember the last couple specials he was talking about that. | ||
| But I think that's because... | ||
| Look, he's the most beloved comedian of our time. | ||
| He's one of the greatest comedians of all time, if not the greatest. | ||
| And if you look at his career, this is really the first time he's ever been attacked about things. | ||
| And so this is his response to it. | ||
| It's unusual for him, so I think he just wants to get his point across as clearly as possible, and then he'll move on to other subject matters. | ||
| So he's devoted a lot of time to it. | ||
| When they say it's transphobic, they're not being accurate. | ||
| They're just looking at if he's covering the subject matter at all and he's doing it with humor, all of a sudden you can label it transphobic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's not right. | ||
| It's not accurate. | ||
| No, it's definitely not right. | ||
| And it's not fair. | ||
| And like you said, it's weird being such a beloved guy for so long and then you find all these people that want to come out and not love him. | ||
| I think a lot of it is just... | ||
| It's a tension. | ||
| Would you imagine George Carlin, you know how many specials he used to do? | ||
| One every fucking week, he'd have another hour special, which was always amazing to me. | ||
| Talk about a guy that can write jokes. | ||
| No, he's one of the greatest writers ever. | ||
| How many specials? | ||
| My God, right? | ||
| So imagine him right now. | ||
| I would love to see a George Carlin special now. | ||
| Wouldn't that be... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great. | |
| Like, what would he talk about? | ||
| I know, but I'm saying, because he didn't give him shit. | ||
| He would open his show with, like, the most disgusting thing and just... | ||
| Lean into it. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| And people would walk, like, 30 people in a second would walk out. | ||
| Did you see the Patton Oswalt thing that happened yesterday? | ||
| No, I love Patton Oswalt. | ||
| I love Patton too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, what happened? | |
| Patton's a very kind, very sensitive guy. | ||
| And Patton apparently was in town with Dave, and Dave texted him, like, hey, do you want to come do a set at my show? | ||
| And Patton went to Dave's show. | ||
| Dave was doing an arena, and Patton was doing another show in town. | ||
| So Patton came to Dave's show, and they had a good time together, and Patton took a couple pictures with him and Dave and put it up on Instagram. | ||
| And then, apparently, a bunch of people were saying, you know, how could you hang out with that transphobe, this and that, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And so the next post, he makes this long apology. | ||
| He writes, like, a fucking essay on how he feels about trans people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, there he is. | |
| And, you know, the real fuck-up, I mean, listen, again, I love Patton. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| He's a really, really sweet guy, which is why he did this in the first place. | ||
| But one of the things that he said is he disagrees, 100% disagree, about transgender rights and representation with Dave. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| I think he said that to placate the mob. | ||
| But Dave does not have any problem whatsoever with transgender rights and representation. | ||
| That's not right. | ||
| He's just saying that because they were attacking him saying that Dave is transphobic. | ||
| He's not. | ||
| He's not. | ||
| I mean, I know him very well. | ||
| He's a fucking fantastic person. | ||
| That's not him. | ||
| He's just making jokes about stuff. | ||
| And it's like, you can't read all those goddamn comments. | ||
| Most of the comments are super, super positive. | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| But if you have a thousand people that are commenting on something, you're going to have ten that are just angry, negative, shitty people. | ||
| And those are the ones... | ||
| My audience, basically. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| My crowds. | ||
| If you're a sensitive person, those are the ones that are going to stand out. | ||
| And you're going to go, oh my god, what have I done? | ||
| So he started deleting posts, and then apparently there was a bunch of shit posters and TERFs and all kinds of other stuff. | ||
| TERF's a great name. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You want some real whiskey? | ||
| What do you mean real whiskey? | ||
| Was that Trace? | ||
| Buffalo Trace. | ||
| Trace Atkins? | ||
| Buffalo Trace Atkins. | ||
| That's real shit. | ||
| It's America right there. | ||
| That's America before it was America. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You're definitely doing better than me. | ||
| Look at his, look at mine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Well, there's nothing wrong with clown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I can afford. | |
| You stole it from a hotel bar. | ||
| Stop lying. | ||
| From your hotel bar. | ||
| It's not my hotel. | ||
| It's just where we put you up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, we'll pay for that. | |
| I stole it. | ||
| Feel free. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Take them all. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Fill your pillowcase up. | ||
| Yeah, hotel bars are very strange. | ||
| It's like they just assume you're a drunk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, there's some now on the road where they're weighted, which is kind of funny, right? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You pick it up and you get... | |
| Yeah, once you move it... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't even change your mind. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You can't go, what is that? | ||
| Oh, it's crum... | ||
| Oh, I don't want... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You get charged for it already. | |
| Yeah, so not... | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Let me try your Buffalo Trace Atkins. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Better, right? | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| Better, right? | ||
| Burns a little bit. | ||
| A little better, right? | ||
| No, a lot better. | ||
| But better. | ||
| Okay, I know. | ||
| I can't say it's... | ||
| The Crown's nice people, too. | ||
| No, there's nothing wrong with Crown. | ||
| No, this is great. | ||
| I'm just joking. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| I just love... | ||
| Well, Crown gives me free booze, so I gotta be careful. | ||
| Oh, do they? | ||
| Well, yeah, they used to. | ||
| Oh, you have to deal with them? | ||
| Until today? | ||
| Until now. | ||
| I fucked it up for them? | ||
| I think we got a bottle of Crown over there, don't we? | ||
| No, I'm fine. | ||
| This is actually... | ||
| No, this is good. | ||
| This is good. | ||
| Didn't someone give us a bottle of Crown? | ||
| I'm just not allowed to say better because they give me Crown. | ||
| Well, I'll say it. | ||
| I usually go in the audience and give out shots of Crown. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I used to before the COVID thing, so I'd go out in the audience and polish off a bottle. | ||
| How scared are you about COVID now? | ||
| Did you travel here? | ||
| Did you get nervous? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| But, I mean, I've been one of those guys from the very beginning, and God forbid I do ever get it because I don't walk in fear. | ||
| I just do my thing, and I'm in front of people every day. | ||
| But I do get tested a lot. | ||
| I know you exercise a lot. | ||
| You used to be giant. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You used to be giant, man. | ||
| I was 40 pounds bigger than I am. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| What made you get so jacked? | ||
| I got the flu and then I didn't know. | ||
| You got me jacked? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you what I did. | ||
| When I got that permanent gig, I had nothing to do all day in Vegas, literally. | ||
| So you just started getting pumped. | ||
| So I started just going to the gym every day. | ||
| I'd go three hours a day, literally. | ||
| Three hours of lifting? | ||
| Well, this is, again, 15 years ago. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I just was huge. | ||
| And one day I went to my warehouse to do something. | ||
| It was a picture of something. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| I was like 190. I'm like 140. Wow. | ||
| This is my original fighting weight right now. | ||
| 140 is my fight. | ||
| That's what you feel? | ||
| Yeah, this is where I grew up, born and raised 135, 140 my whole life, and then I went to like 185. People were like, what the fuck? | ||
| Did you have a lot of joint pain all the time? | ||
| Yeah, everything. | ||
| I was always injured. | ||
| I was always hurt. | ||
| It didn't look good on stage. | ||
| It was just weird. | ||
| It was like, you know, people are like, what the fuck happened at Karenton? | ||
| They've always said that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft! | |
| But that is a thing, though, when you get really jacked on stage, it becomes a distraction. | ||
| It did. | ||
| Gene Simmons, of all people, came and says, does being so muscular take away from the stage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the worst Gene Simmons impression ever. | |
| All of a sudden Gene Simmons became like an Englishman from the 80s. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| Got a job, it's Gene. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pardon me. | |
| So I got Gene really good one time, so this is great. | ||
| So he comes backstage, he comes backstage, and he says to me, what do you do? | ||
| To make money besides this. | ||
| And I said, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| He said, you don't have anything that gives you money. | ||
| I said, I don't know. | ||
| I do comedy six nights a week. | ||
| But you don't have another investment of some sort, yes? | ||
| He's trying to offer you some prostitution. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real weird. | ||
| And Gene, listen, I'm seeing somebody, okay? | ||
| Let me try on your platforms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, so I... Just let me slip into him. | |
| I want teeth on my shoes. | ||
| But he says to me, and this is great because I'm being really serious with him, right? | ||
| So I said, no, but I did one thing a long time ago. | ||
| I wrote a jingle... | ||
| He goes, what's the jingle? | ||
| And I said, it's by Menon. | ||
| And he says, I'm not following you. | ||
| I said, remember the commercial by Menon? | ||
| And he goes, that was you. | ||
| And I said, yeah. | ||
| He says, get the fuck out. | ||
| I said, no. | ||
| I said, my friend has an organ in my garage. | ||
| He had left there and we were out fucking around. | ||
| And that by Menon thing had a campaign that said come up with a jingle. | ||
| So we came up with it. | ||
| It wasn't even funny. | ||
| It was just by Menon. | ||
| And we sent it to the Menon, whatever. | ||
| Was it Under or whatever the fuck? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And he says, wait a second. | ||
| You're making this up. | ||
| I said, no. | ||
| He said, how much did they pay you for that? | ||
| I said, I still get money for it. | ||
| I said, it was amazing, but it was just kind of a fluke. | ||
| I said, we tried to come up with other things. | ||
| And he's looking at me like, that is just unremarkable. | ||
| And I said, yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This impression of Jitsun is so bad. | |
| And then he said, I said, and see, that's great. | ||
| And I said, anything else? | ||
| I said, well, I came up with, now with Retson. | ||
| And he says, what are you talking about? | ||
| I said, with Retson, remember the certs? | ||
| And he goes, you're fucking me. | ||
| I said, yeah. | ||
| He goes, but the Menon thing? | ||
| I said, no, it's all bullshit. | ||
| He lost his, he lost his shit. | ||
| He's like, God damn it, I sat there for 20 minutes believing you came up with by Menon and Retson. | ||
| I said, no, I never, but I got him good on his show because I did, I did the, when he had it at his house that, that, uh, Oh, the reality show he had? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Family Jewels? | ||
| I first met him. | ||
| Family Jewels. | ||
| And I go and he says, my impression, you want to see my warehouse? | ||
| And I said, sure. | ||
| So he takes me to this huge wing of his house. | ||
| I mean, literally, it's probably the size of... | ||
| Walmart. | ||
| It's full. | ||
| He says to me, I've got everything. | ||
| Ask. | ||
| I said, well, of course you have a kiss condom. | ||
| I mean, he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Kiss coffins. | ||
| We've kissed everything, you know. | ||
| And I said, we're live. | ||
| They're filming me with him. | ||
| And I said, towards the end, he said, well, thank you for dropping by. | ||
| And I said, I don't want to, this is going to come across completely fucking wrong. | ||
| I said, don't take this the wrong way. | ||
| And he says, what? | ||
| I said, you're going to take this the wrong way. | ||
| He says, what? | ||
| I said, I've never heard of your band. | ||
| I said, you must have done well, but I've never heard of KISS. And he says... | ||
| It's like a really weird... | ||
| He goes, you've never heard of Kiss. | ||
| I said, no, I see. | ||
| I knew you'd take it the wrong way. | ||
| I said, I just... | ||
| I mean, look at all this. | ||
| Holy fuck, I've never heard of Kiss. | ||
| How long have you guys been in a band? | ||
| And he looked at me like... | ||
| He's gonna fucking kill me. | ||
| And I said, I know Hanson. | ||
| I know Hanson. | ||
| This is when they were hitting it big, you know? | ||
| I said, I know Hanson, right? | ||
| And he goes, you're fucking me. | ||
| I said, no, I don't. | ||
| I've never heard of Kiss. | ||
| And I finally said, I'm fucking with you, come on! | ||
| And then I got him again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he was serious? | |
| He really believed you? | ||
| Oh yeah, no. | ||
| He was like, someone had to have heard of Kiss, yes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This fucking accent! | |
| The thing about Hollywood people is there are people who will pretend they don't know who you are, even if they do. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| I had that with Nicole Kidman. | ||
| Did she really? | ||
| I actually put it on my show. | ||
| It's a clip of her going, who's Carrot Top? | ||
| Well, she's from Australia. | ||
| But I met her three times with her husband, so he's like, hey, how you doing, buddy? | ||
| Hey, Carrot Top. | ||
| And then I went over to her and she was like... | ||
| Do you think she did that on purpose? | ||
| I don't know, but she did it like three times, so I just put a clip of her on the red carpet going, who's Carrot Top? | ||
| People do that, though. | ||
| It's like a clout thing. | ||
| They knocked you down. | ||
| Al Franken, I did comic relief with him, right? | ||
| Everybody was there. | ||
| Rob Williams and Whippy Goldberg. | ||
| So Al Franken and I are back in the wings there waiting to go on and he couldn't have been nicer. | ||
| He was like, wow, I love your act. | ||
| I love, you know. | ||
| And I was like, that's cool. | ||
| So I go to Gary Shandling's funeral. | ||
| In L.A., and again, everybody was there. | ||
| I mean, you talk about, my God, everyone in show business was at Gary Fanley's. | ||
| So I see Senator then, right, Al Franken. | ||
| I make my way over to him. | ||
| I said, hey, Al, it's been a while, and, you know, wow, you're a senator now. | ||
| Fuck, I mean, from comedian to senator or whatever I made. | ||
| And he goes, he looked at me, he says, I'm sorry, we know each other? | ||
| I said, it's Carrot Top. | ||
| He's like, sorry? | ||
| I said, Carrot Top. | ||
| And he goes... | ||
| I'm sorry, I don't know. | ||
| I said, you don't know Carrot Top? | ||
| And he goes, I don't know. | ||
| I said, you don't know who Carrot Top is? | ||
| It was the weirdest thing, because I'm standing there with the best of, I mean, I think I was standing there with, from Defending Your Life, Albert Brooks, right? | ||
| And he just says that, and I look over at Albert Brooks, and he says, he's just being a cunt. | ||
| I said, I think so, or maybe he just doesn't remember meeting me. | ||
| Maybe when he became a senator. | ||
| He says, no, you're in comedy. | ||
| He knows who you are. | ||
| He's just being an... | ||
| And then I said, well, you know, you fucked with me one time. | ||
| And he said... | ||
| Albert Brooks fucked with you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's an honor. | ||
| Well, it is. | ||
| On the Tonight Show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah, it is an honor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is, right? | |
| No, seriously. | ||
| The fact that he said Carrot Top, maybe. | ||
| So he was on the Tonight Show with, I think, Johnny. | ||
| And he said... | ||
| He used to do these spinning... | ||
| When he does... | ||
| He, believe it or not, used to do props. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Albert Brooks did? | |
| Well, back in the... | ||
| He did a skin tonight with spinning plates. | ||
| And so he sits down and he starts saying, you know, I feel... | ||
| It's like I'm here. | ||
| He said, you know, I feel bad for someone like Caratop. | ||
| If American Airlines lost his luggage, he wouldn't have an act. | ||
| Everybody laughs. | ||
| And I'm thinking, well, not only is that accurate, but it's just a dig at me because it's like if the Rolling Stones luggage was lost, they wouldn't put on a show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's like my, it's my shit. | ||
| Well, there's a thing. | ||
| I told that. | ||
| He goes, I'm sorry. | ||
| I hurt your feelings. | ||
| Just trying to be funny. | ||
| You know, whatever's out there, you take a swing at it. | ||
| But there's a thing that... | ||
| For whatever reason, if you need something on stage, like if you're a guitar comic. | ||
| There was always a thing about guitar comics. | ||
| Like, Mitzi Shore used to get mad at guitar comics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She'd go, you're not gonna go on stage with the guitar tonight. | |
| She would tell guys. | ||
| And then they would go on stage with no guitar and bomb. | ||
| Because, like, you know, that's your comfort. | ||
| That's your thing. | ||
| If they told me I couldn't bring my walker with a dildo on it, I would not... | ||
| I would not go on. | ||
| But it's one of those things. | ||
| You'll see in March with your kids. | ||
| I will. | ||
| I'm coming. | ||
| That's like, this is your act, man. | ||
| Your fucking act is your act. | ||
| You bring stuff. | ||
| But this purest thing of comedy has always bothered me. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| It's just like, I don't care if you sing. | ||
| I don't care if you have props. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Why does that affect me? | ||
| I don't understand that whole concept, just in a broad sense of the idea of, let's just say, music. | ||
| So if you're in your car and you're listening to music, and if you hit the country station, and you go, oh, country, and then you have rock, and then you have jazz, and you have this, and you have hard rock, you have metal, There's choices there. | ||
| So it's kind of fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was on the road, I was listening to country music for two hours, and I'm like, you know, now I want some Metallica. | ||
| Yeah, mix it up. | ||
| So, same with comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Why can't you have a Dennis Miller, and you can have a Joe Rogan, you can have a Carrot Top, and you can have Gallagher, and you can have Bill Maher do politics, and you can have, right? | ||
| People need to, like, just let other people have different tastes. | ||
| We do anyhow, exactly. | ||
| So people that don't want to go to a Carrot Top show, don't go. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You don't have to go. | ||
| You don't have to go. | ||
| Like, that thing drives me crazy. | ||
| I do have to go to the character show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have to. | |
| Six days a week. | ||
| But there's this thing, it's like, come on, folks. | ||
| There's lots of stuff to be upset about. | ||
| Like, being upset about different tastes other than yours. | ||
| You know, like, look, my kids love, I love my kids, but they love music that I fucking hate. | ||
| They want to listen to, like, mumble rap in the car. | ||
| I'm like, shut that shit off! | ||
| Not all mumble rap is bad. | ||
| But, I mean, some of the stuff... | ||
| It's not even mumble rap, I should say. | ||
| It's like, whatever it is. | ||
| I'm an old man. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I sold my kids. | ||
| I got rid of them. | ||
| Oh, you got rid of them. | ||
| How much did you get? | ||
| Not much. | ||
| I should have left it for a while. | ||
| It's a market thing. | ||
| It's like Bitcoin. | ||
| You don't want to get out early. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's a long haul thing. | ||
| My Elvis shirt, I gotta find you one of these. | ||
| Yeah, dude, I have an obsession with Elvis during that time period. | ||
| The drug days. | ||
| Well, it's the pill days, and one of the reasons why I have this obsession is because it's a fame thing. | ||
| I'm sure you can relate to this. | ||
| Fame is a fucking strange drug in and of itself. | ||
| And I believe that Elvis was the first guy to take a heroic dose of fame. | ||
| You know, like Hicks always used to talk about, or Terrence McKenna, and then Hicks used to quote it, but heroic doses of mushrooms. | ||
| There's a heroic dose of fame, like what Michael Jackson took. | ||
| He took the most heroic dose of fame. | ||
| But you're right. | ||
| Elvis might have been the first one. | ||
| I mean, there were some other guys, but you're right. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where he really was beyond superstar. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| There's a great, I wouldn't say great, well, this is a documentary, or it might have been a two-part thing on HBO, I think it is, or Netflix. | ||
| Do you smoke weed, Carrot Top? | ||
| I will with you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I have bad lungs, but I'll smoke. | ||
| Great, this is when the whole podcast goes to shit. | ||
| Carrot Top gets high. | ||
| I heard this is good for your lungs. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah, I heard it's good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't have any sponsors that might get set if I... Crown and weed goes together, great. | |
| That's what I heard. | ||
| So, um, I haven't been high in fucking 20 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, good. | |
| I don't do drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, let's just keep it right there. | |
| But I gotta remind you to tell my Hicks story, and then also, Elvis, so, um, there's a documentary, and there's a really touching, sad scene that you just brought up to me in the documentary. | ||
| He goes on stage, and this is right, with his really big, bloated days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those are my favorite days. | ||
| And there's, uh, well, it's gonna say, he's sweating, and he's overweight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Still killing it. | |
| And they're interviewing him, and they say, uh, do you, um... | ||
| You don't look good or something. | ||
| They really honestly say this, like the reporter says, you look like shit. | ||
| And he says, I'm sorry. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, you just, you know, what happened? | ||
| And you see it. | ||
| You see his face. | ||
| And he literally takes a moment. | ||
| He says, I'm sorry. | ||
| I don't live up to what you wanted me to look like. | ||
| I'm doing my best. | ||
| And then he just kind of walks off like in tears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's find that. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's in the Elvis – it's a two-hour or two-part thing. | ||
| So Bill Hicks, this is – But before we get to Bill Hicks, it's like no one was like that before him. | ||
| There was no kind of star of that magnitude. | ||
| It didn't exist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Literally. | ||
| And like Michael Jackson took over... | ||
| There was always stars, right? | ||
| There was always, you know, there was Little Richard and Chubby Checker, and there was always, like, Buddy Holly. | ||
| There was stars. | ||
| But not at that... | ||
| No. | ||
| It was a different kind of star. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Agreed. | |
| Agreed. | ||
| I'll say that to people. | ||
| They go, wow, you recognize that. | ||
| I said, I'm recognizable in a lineup. | ||
| I'm not, like, a famous person. | ||
| They go, uh... | ||
| Like somebody last night said, you're red, right? | ||
| You're red. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Red. | |
| I said, yes, red. | ||
| Orange, you know. | ||
| You're the red guy. | ||
| Red top? | ||
| Yes, red top. | ||
| That's probably better. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's sustainable. | ||
| I mean, you make a good living. | ||
| You have a lot of people who love you. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You're better off that way than getting into that. | ||
| Elvis definitely had a hard... | ||
| I mean, and people always say, well, come on. | ||
| How hard is it being... | ||
| Would it be that famous? | ||
| Fuck, who knows? | ||
| No one understands it. | ||
| There's no one who understands it other than the people that get there. | ||
| It's not possible. | ||
| It's not possible to understand it. | ||
| You could take a guess and you could say, oh, but he has so much money. | ||
| Let me tell you something about money, kids. | ||
| Once you get past a certain amount, it doesn't feel like anything different. | ||
| Like, I had an apartment once. | ||
| When I first moved to Hollywood, and I just got on television, and I was on news radio, and I was on the sitcom, and I got this nice place, and it had a loft, and I had a pool table, and I was like, look at this apartment. | ||
| I would walk in the apartment, and I'd go, fuck, this is my apartment? | ||
| This is crazy! | ||
| And I would look around at it, and I'd go, this is, I can't believe I actually live here! | ||
| And then I got accustomed to it. | ||
| And then I realized one day, I was like sitting on the floor, and I was like, oh, this is how everything is. | ||
| Like once you get used to it, then it's just a house. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like your house, it's like all your house needs to do is be comfortable and safe and you need to have like a nice place to go to bed, a nice place to fix your meals and whatever else you're into. | ||
| After you get past that, it's just a house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, Brian Cowan said this to me once, and it's like one of the smartest things anybody ever said to me. | ||
| He said, all you want as far as money, you want to have enough money so you can go to dinner and not worry about what things cost. | ||
| And, like, that's a brilliant thing to say because he's, like, simple in that regard. | ||
| Like, that's what he, you know... | ||
| I don't have any, besides my cock ring, I don't have any jewelry, no jewelry on. | ||
| People always say to me, too, like, you're dressed like a homeless guy. | ||
| Any day could be, so why don't you just be ready for it, have the clothes for it. | ||
| By the way, that's great weed. | ||
| That's not bad, right? | ||
| I only took one, like, you saw, right? | ||
| One little hit. | ||
| Like, one little, I wouldn't even know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's like three Joe Rogans here in front of me. | |
| Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. | ||
| So I tell you my Bill Hicks, only because this is, it started out where another, you know, people were ripping on me. | ||
| You know the Bill Hicks bit? | ||
| Which one is it? | ||
| The one about you? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I was going to tell you first. | ||
| So Bill Hicks says they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see Caratop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is a great line. | ||
| That's a great line. | ||
| It is a great line. | ||
| And here I am, fucking 20 people, and they're draining lakes and putting in bleachers to see fucking carrot toppings. | ||
| So I'm thinking, you know, I'm just thinking, oh, another hater, right? | ||
| So I'm, you know, I'm playing in West Palm Beach at the Comedy Corner, which was the club when I started. | ||
| It was like I went there to audition, and all of a sudden I'm headlining this club, and Colleen McGar was dating Bill Hicks at the time. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And so he was sick. | ||
| That was when he had cancer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so I, all I said to her was, she said something about, I didn't know he was even there. | ||
| I just knew she was dating him, and I said, it was like between shows, and I said, could you just pass on to Bill Hicks that, you know, I hope I didn't, he doesn't hate me. | ||
| And, because she said, it's such a great show. | ||
| And I said, yeah, tell Bill, if you call him later, tell him that I hope he doesn't hate me, and I just, you know, but I'm a huge fan. | ||
| And the year I won Best Comedian of the Year, he was in the running. | ||
| So it was like, I almost was like, The fact that I won pissed everybody off because you got Bill Hicks. | ||
| What was the award? | ||
|
unidentified
|
American Comedy Awards? | |
| Yeah, Don Marrera, Bill Hicks, me, and two others. | ||
| I forget now, but I remember those two. | ||
| And what's her name from Atlanta, the tall blonde? | ||
| She brings me up. | ||
| She says, the winner is Carrot Top. | ||
| And I go up and it's, well, she's kind of like, you know, Brett Butler. | ||
| And so I go up and I accept it. | ||
| And it was almost like I wish I hadn't won because it was like, you know, I wanted Bill Hicks to win. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So anyway, I set up my show for the second show, and Colleen says, come with me real quick. | ||
| I want to tell you something. | ||
| So she walks me in the hallway, and who's standing in front of me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bill Hicks. | |
| And it was like maybe a couple weeks before he had passed, and he was really sick. | ||
| And I remember really thin, and he had – like it was just weird. | ||
| With distended bellies? | ||
| Yeah, and just, I mean, green, and it was just, and it just, but it's Bill Hicks, and I was like, and he says to me, I don't fucking hate you, dude. | ||
| And I said, oh, God, she must have gone and told him, and he's staying at the house behind the condo where the club is. | ||
| And I said, oh, I want you to come down here, you know, you shouldn't be getting out of bed to come say that. | ||
| He says, no, I wanted to come clear the fucking thing. | ||
| You and I, we're cool. | ||
| You do what you do and you do fucking do it, man. | ||
| You kill it. | ||
| You hear me? | ||
| You keep doing what you do. | ||
| And he gave me a hug and then I went and I had probably the best show I ever had because, you know, Bill Hicks gave me the blessings. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| That's what the world needs, man. | ||
| The world needs communication. | ||
| What a sweet that was. | ||
| He didn't have to come down and say hi to me. | ||
| He's a comic and he's like, you know what? | ||
| I was just making fun of you. | ||
| I don't hate you. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| There's people that... | ||
| They don't mean harm. | ||
| They just mean to get laughs, and they're saying something that's funny. | ||
| And look, I have good friends that do it to me all the time. | ||
| Tim Dillon mocks me fucking almost every day. | ||
| I think the problem is this happens outside, away from each other, and you don't talk about it, or you're not together. | ||
| This is the problem with society. | ||
| There's a comparison that can be made to the problem we have in society. | ||
| People are communicating with each other on social media. | ||
| Instead of communicating with each other, they're communicating at or about each other. | ||
| How about when you text somebody and it goes through, because we're comics and so, like, sarcasm doesn't fly in text. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All the time. | |
| How great is that? | ||
| I'll say something like, I thought you'd never leave, and then he's like, dude, what? | ||
| I'm like, I'm kidding. | ||
| Like, it was a joke. | ||
| Like, I'm just kidding with you. | ||
| You know. | ||
| I have a few groups of friends who say horrible things to each other all the time. | ||
| But they get it. | ||
| We love each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But as long as they get it. | ||
| You send a text to someone and they don't get it, then you're like, fuck, I was, no, it was a joke. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| But it's, you know, a lot is a lot. | ||
| I mean, you have to look at things. | ||
| You can have, like, the least charitable interpretation of something, and it's always going to cause a problem. | ||
| But I think part of the problem is that people don't spend enough time one-on-one talking. | ||
| You know, I mean, even that back in the day before social media, that was always an issue if you heard someone said something about you. | ||
| You know, like someone said to someone else and then someone else comes to you, hey man, fucking Bob was talking some shit about you. | ||
| And then you go to Bob and Bob's like, that's not what I meant. | ||
| It's like, I was fucking upset because my girlfriend broke up with me or my car broke down or whatever. | ||
| You know, it's like communication one-on-one is the only way that human beings are really supposed to be talking to each other. | ||
| And all that other stuff is just a mess. | ||
| And all this interpretation. | ||
| And then what I do is talk shit on podcasts for hours and hours of time. | ||
| I forget what I'm saying. | ||
| And then someone will say something, 10 years ago, you said this. | ||
| That's not really what I said. | ||
| You've got to listen to the whole thing. | ||
| Take it out of context. | ||
| Yeah, I don't hate you. | ||
| I'm not mad at you. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| We're friends. | ||
| You said that about Florida. | ||
| You said they should build a wall around it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So they just saw it off and sell it to the Russians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Florida. | |
| I love Florida because it's wild. | ||
| My fucking sister lives there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My sister lives there. | |
| I love Florida. | ||
| Florida is a wild-ass place. | ||
| It is fun. | ||
| And I love how Florida responded to the pandemic. | ||
| A lot of people think it's irresponsible, but I don't. | ||
| But it's not, though. | ||
| And if you look at the numbers in Florida, they're the lowest. | ||
| Well, not anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not right now. | |
| I mean, an hour ago. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| I saw a lot of these politicians that were shitting on Florida because of the number of cases that Florida had. | ||
| And what they didn't realize is that New York City has tens of thousands more than Florida or New York. | ||
| Which is mostly New York City. | ||
| But there's nothing wrong with Florida. | ||
| But there is something wrong with wanting everyone to behave and think the way you do. | ||
| And if Florida, what they did, if you look at it in terms of the economic cost, if you look at it in terms of loss of life, and if you look at it in terms of cases, you can make a really good argument that they did the right thing. | ||
| As Gene Stim would say, it was a pretty good run there, kid. | ||
| Pretty good run. | ||
| Now you got a new impression. | ||
| That's not even the one I did earlier. | ||
| It's a pretty good run. | ||
| I think Gene Simmons talks like this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I wanted to tell you how Gene talks, it's more like this. | |
| What is mine? | ||
| Mine is like... | ||
| Yours is terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's terrible. | |
| I didn't want to shit on you by doing mine. | ||
| I was trying to do a Ringo star impression, and the guy's like, what the hell? | ||
| I did a New Year's show once at the Improv, and Gene Simmons and his whole family came to see you, and I was fucking legitimately starstruck. | ||
| I was like, ah, shit. | ||
| There's only been a couple of times in my life where I've been, like, full-on starstruck. | ||
| I was going to say, yeah, who did that one? | ||
| Willie D from the Ghetto Boys, full-on starstruck. | ||
| Because I was a giant Ghetto Boys fan when I was a kid. | ||
| If I'm sure if I'll ever meet Ice-T, I'll be full-on starstruck. | ||
| Ice Cube. | ||
| Ice-T, I think, lives in Vegas. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| He did, because I would go to, like, Vons, and they'd say, hey, you just missed Ice-T. And I'm like, oh, crap. | ||
| Well, Ice-T can live wherever the fuck he wants. | ||
| And Flava Flav lives in Vegas, of course. | ||
| He's been on that Dick Wolf show for like 100 years. | ||
| He's probably got a fucking billion dollars in the bank. | ||
| Like, Ice-T's been on Law& Order for, I want to say, 25 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, at least. | |
| You know? | ||
| And that's like syndication money. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So you know all this stuff. | ||
| I need a syndication money. | ||
| Those are those shows that air around the world, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That's a lot of money. | ||
| They make a lot of money. | ||
| I had Queen came to the show. | ||
| That was pretty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that's the only full-on Starstruck where, like, weird... | ||
| The full ban? | ||
| Not Freddy. | ||
| It was after Freddy died? | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
| When did Freddy die? | ||
| I want to say he died in the 90s. | ||
| It was the 90s? | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| I should know that. | ||
| I'm a huge Queen fan. | ||
| 91. You want to talk about a rare talent? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| There's no front man, I don't think. | ||
| If you go back and watch those things, holy shit. | ||
| Well, he was just different than all of them. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| He would just work that crowd. | ||
| I think about that almost every night when I go on stage. | ||
| You've got to give it every fucking cent. | ||
| You leave exhausted. | ||
| But Queen came. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Roger Taylor was coming to the show. | ||
| The first time it was Roger Taylor. | ||
| I said, Roger Taylor. | ||
| Roger Taylor I know is like the drummer from Queen. | ||
| He's fucking not coming to my show. | ||
| And they said, yeah, he's coming to your show. | ||
| Well, it was funny. | ||
| They told me after. | ||
| So I didn't know he was out there. | ||
| So after, they said, Roger Taylor wants to come back and say hi. | ||
| So anyway, he comes back and he's like, he was just hoping my Roger Taylor impression is going to make me say something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But he's like, Scott, Scott, Scott, that was just, that was unbelievable, yeah? | |
| I mean, just, what the... | ||
| So, you know, so nice he says something to me, like, you know, take a picture of my crew and me and all that, and I said, you know, I'm actually going to go to London with my girlfriend. | ||
| This was years ago. | ||
| And... | ||
| He said, oh, you must stay at the house, yeah? | ||
| And I'm like, you know how people do. | ||
| Of course, you're not going to do that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So then I'll say, he's my number, Scott, you know, give me a call. | ||
| So I literally were going to London, so I just said, hey, listen, we'll meet for a drink. | ||
| He said, no, no, I insist you must stay at the house. | ||
| I said, no, we're not going to stay at the house. | ||
| We're going to get a hotel, but we'd like to meet you for a drink at least. | ||
| So we go to Stonehenge, and my girlfriend is like on her deathbed. | ||
| I mean, literally just like, I don't know if she was just that sick or didn't want to look at rocks. | ||
| She's like, I'm with her. | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
| I don't feel so good either. | ||
| It's fucking Stonehenge. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| So we said, I've got to go to Roger's now. | ||
| So I call him and I said, hey, you know, we're out. | ||
| He's like, 30 minutes. | ||
| We're in Surrey, yeah? | ||
| So we're not going to one of your stupid friend's house. | ||
| I have to go back to go to sleep. | ||
| I'm dying. | ||
| And so I said, we have to go. | ||
| It's Roger fucking Taylor, right? | ||
| So this whole thing, she has no clue in her brain. | ||
| She has no clue. | ||
| Like, doesn't grasp it. | ||
| Isn't it funny that back then, too, if you were sick, you would go visit people still? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And no one would freak out? | ||
| True. | ||
| We brought in all this illness. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| I had to just stay in the car. | ||
| Just stay in the fucking car. | ||
| So we get there and you're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| That's really weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| So we get there and it's not only a castle, it's a castle, it's like Downton Abbey. | ||
| It's fucking crazy, right? | ||
| So my girlfriend's looking at me like, Who is it? | ||
| It's fucking Queen. | ||
| It's like Stone's queen. | ||
| Well, she knew Queen was, but she didn't grasp its queen. | ||
| It's like we will, you know. | ||
| But it's everything. | ||
| It's like they're billionaires. | ||
| She doesn't understand this. | ||
| And this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful countryside house. | ||
| And like I said, castle. | ||
| So anyway, they give her tea. | ||
| Here's where it gets good. | ||
| So she looks at me like, we really have to go. | ||
| And it was just unbelievable. | ||
| We're in his house. | ||
| And then Roger says... | ||
| Scott, it's in my studio. | ||
| And I just know, I look over to her, she's gonna be like, it'll fucking kill you, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I say, we gotta go to see the studio. | |
| So they take us upstairs, and we walk by all this, you know, Queen records, gold shit records, the whole fucking house, just records and records. | ||
| And I said, oh wow, Killers Live. | ||
| That was my favorite album. | ||
| Go up in the studio. | ||
| Every drum set. | ||
| I'm not making this up. | ||
| And set up from that album. | ||
| That was from Live Aid. | ||
| And I'm losing my shit, right? | ||
| And my girlfriend says, wow, you really like drums. | ||
| On my life, God strike me dead. | ||
| If she was sitting right here, she goes, I don't know. | ||
| And I literally was like losing my shit, right? | ||
| So I look back, and Roger's like, I'm sorry, what? | ||
| I said, she likes your drums. | ||
| Because he's deaf from playing drums all these years, thank God. | ||
| Since then, I've told him, by the way, she said, you must like drums. | ||
| But it was one of the... | ||
| And so anyway, they meet us at the hotel bar that night. | ||
| And what does he bring for a guest? | ||
| He was there for my birthday. | ||
| What do you think he brings me to the bar? | ||
| Drumsticks? | ||
| No, that fucking Killers Queen gold album. | ||
| No! | ||
| How cool is he? | ||
| No way! | ||
| And I went, oh no, Roger, I can't accept this. | ||
| And he says, well, this fuck you must. | ||
| I go, no, I can't. | ||
| And I said, yeah, like, yeah, well, I have a hundred more of these, right? | ||
| And he's like, no, I'm not taking this one. | ||
| It was like presented to Roger Taylor. | ||
| So I took it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I had to take it. | ||
| I had to take it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That was maybe the coolest. | ||
| And since then they've come, like Brian May and them have come to, they've all come through and they can't be nicer and sweeter and bigger fans like, you know, Brian May is just like, because it's weird coming from like someone, they're beyond, you know, fucking magical rock stars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They think what we do is like, you know, like how the fuck do you tell a joke? | ||
| Like they don't get it. | ||
| So it's cool. | ||
| Well, it's for regular people. | ||
| It's like everything else, though, right? | ||
| I mean, I can kind of imagine what it would be like playing drums in front of a large audience if I started playing drums and then started playing drums in a local band, started doing gigs, and then eventually moved up. | ||
| Same, same. | ||
| It's like everything. | ||
| It's like everything. | ||
| Incremental. | ||
| You'll be a lawyer being a rocket scientist, being strapped in the shuttle. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| They rehearsed. | ||
| They practiced. | ||
| Well, that's why it's fascinating to watch people do something that you don't do at all. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I love music. | ||
| I love watching musicians because I can't play anything. | ||
| Same. | ||
| Yeah, so it's fascinating. | ||
| I like when I used to go to the launches and I'd see these astronauts and they'd take you into the, because my dad worked there, they'd take you into the cockpit and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you sit in these, and you're like, there's 5,000 switches and you're like, do they know? | ||
| And they go, yeah, they know what every switch does. | ||
| I'm like, Yeah. | ||
| Not that one. | ||
| But it's like everything in life, right? | ||
| Especially when you take it to the first extreme. | ||
| It's like there's levels and levels to everything. | ||
| It's one of the things that's most fascinating about being a person is like you can pick a path. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| And get into whatever it is that you really love too. | ||
| I always tell young kids, you know, pick something you want. | ||
| I hate when people come and say, I want to be famous. | ||
| Like, what does that mean? | ||
| You want to be famous? | ||
| You want to do something that you enjoy. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your passion. | ||
| Your money will follow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| True. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| But it's not... | ||
| Forget that. | ||
| Forget money. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| No, but I mean... | ||
| You might starve to death. | ||
| Yes, you might. | ||
| You might just really... | ||
| But you might starve to death doing something you enjoy. | ||
| Because you want to go to a job that you hate going to every day. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Why do it? | ||
| It's like telling the antelopes, when you see the lion, run. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you'll be okay. | ||
| Well, maybe. | ||
| Maybe you'll be the one that they eat and that everybody else will be okay. | ||
| I mean, that's the reality of life. | ||
| It's not guaranteed. | ||
| And there's a lot of people that follow their dreams and they wind up broken, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I've known that. | ||
| I'm sure you know that in comedy. | ||
| I mean, how many guys do you know that you started out with that kind of had potential? | ||
| Yeah, oh, a lot. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of funnier guys than me. | ||
| I got very lucky, and the timing of when everything hit and what I did, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I couldn't imagine if I was starting now where I don't even know if there's any comedy shows on TV anymore. | ||
| I mean... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, well, I mean, it's like Netflix. | |
| It's like Netflix is basically it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| So if Netflix isn't going to do it, I used to be able to do Comic Street 5 in Evening at the Improv and The Tonight Show and Conan and all those shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The late night shows, that's where you got your... | ||
| Do they still have unknown comics on, like the Tonight Show? | ||
| I don't think any late night show puts on comics anymore. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Unless you're selling a book or doing something. | ||
| I used to do the Tonight Show every month. | ||
| I would call Jay. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| That's my impression. | ||
| That's better than Gene Simmons. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That makes more sense than Gene Simmons. | |
| So I used to do that show all the time. | ||
| In fact, one time we were doing it, and I remember I had to go back and do a show in Vegas. | ||
| So I did the show. | ||
| I think it was like – it might have even been like New Year's Eve. | ||
| And he says – I said, I got to go back to Vegas. | ||
| He goes, I'm going back to Vegas tonight, too. | ||
| And I said, oh, are you in Southwest? | ||
| He goes, yeah, yeah, I'm in Southwest. | ||
| I said – I literally had my ticket. | ||
| He said, no, do you want to go with me in my jet? | ||
| And I said, uh, when? | ||
| He goes, right after the show. | ||
| I have a show. | ||
| I have a family. | ||
| So let's go together. | ||
| So me and my assistant and Jay get on the jet, his jet, and we're flying into Vegas. | ||
| And I'm thinking, this is one of those moments you just kind of like take, he's dead asleep, mouth wide of it. | ||
| I'm thinking the whole time, I'm so, I don't want to throw a peanut in his mouth. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's just like Jay Leno. | ||
| His head is this big, right? | ||
| Just a big, big head. | ||
| And you're just like, I'm staring at him and he has like, he has a thing, like carrot top written on his, in his briefcase. | ||
| Cause I guess it was something about- He had a folder? | ||
| Yeah, folder. | ||
| It said carrot top on it, but I guess it was just to, I don't know, to remind him that I'm on the jet with him or whatever. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It just said carrot top. | ||
| But I'm looking at my assistant, and look, I said, this is a moment we just take in. | ||
| We're on a private jet with fucking Jay Leno. | ||
| He's passed out, and it's really bad weather. | ||
| We're bouncing around, like, so bad, right? | ||
| And it's getting really bad, so I'm holding on to the things, like, oh, fuck, I really don't like this. | ||
| And we hit some really bad air pockets, and he's just, and he's literally just, eh, that's crazy. | ||
| And he's having a dream. | ||
| So he wakes up, he looks over, and I'm like, oh, God. | ||
| He's like, you okay? | ||
| I said, no, I'm really not, Jay. | ||
| This is, fuck, if I, he goes, you think, though. | ||
| He says, if we go down and we die, the newspaper's gonna say, Jay Leno dies with two unknowns. | ||
| I'm like, well, you know, fucker, I was just on your show. | ||
| I'm known. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He really said that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| Yeah, rude. | ||
| That's a little fucking... | ||
| No, he was just being cock-waved. | ||
| Cock-waved on you. | ||
| Jay Leno goes down with two unknowns. | ||
| Two unknowns. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| I think I said something like, well, I could have done Letterman. | ||
| I would have been known, but I did your show instead. | ||
| Jay Leno is so much better on his car show than anything else he's ever done. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Other than stand-up. | ||
| I asked to be on, because I've done the show with him some time, I said, can I be on the car show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't even like cars. | ||
| I said, I don't have to like cars. | ||
| I can still be on your show and make it, well, just let me be on your show. | ||
| What kind of car do you have? | ||
| I said, I just have one. | ||
| He's like, one? | ||
| I said, yeah, I have a G-Wagon. | ||
| That's all I got. | ||
| He's like, well, that's not... | ||
| I said, no, I'll be in one of the... | ||
| I'll come out of the trunk with my props. | ||
| It'll make it funny. | ||
| We have to know a little bit about a car. | ||
| I know a little bit about a car. | ||
| I mean, I know the hood is there. | ||
| It'd be fun. | ||
| He's like, yeah, yeah, I really want... | ||
| It's not that kind of show. | ||
| It's the kind of show for someone who's obsessed with cars. | ||
| Like, I'm a car freak. | ||
| So for me, it's like... | ||
| Okay, so you probably... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not a car freak. | ||
| It's like if I had you on an... | ||
| I mean, I like cars. | ||
| If I had you on an MMA show. | ||
| Do you know anything about UFC? Yeah. | ||
| A lot? | ||
| Well, I know, I know, I know, I know, what's his, right, Dana? | ||
| Oh, that guy. | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, if I had an MMA show and I wanted to talk about possible matchups and I had you on, you really wouldn't know. | ||
| I would say that guy. | ||
| He looks mean. | ||
| That guy looks scary. | ||
| Yeah, hook him up. | ||
| Well, I went to a match, this is funny, in Vegas, and this is not a joke, so I go to this, they put me right in the front of the chain, right? | ||
| Yeah, the cage. | ||
| Cage. | ||
| That would have been horrible on your show. | ||
| A thing where the contest takes place. | ||
| The thing where the, oh, the cage, right. | ||
| So you know a lot about this, right? | ||
| I know enough. | ||
| So I'm right there, and this guy's getting, I mean, badly beaten. | ||
| He couldn't get up, and the guy's just... | ||
| And I'm right this close to, like, holding onto the fence, and his face is like, bam, bam, bam, right? | ||
| And he literally is getting... | ||
| And he opens his eyes, he goes, Carrot Top! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I go, get up, because I can't... | ||
| Yeah, it's just a great scene. | ||
| Carrot Top! | ||
| I said, get up! | ||
| He's like, I can't! | ||
| And I kept saying, don't hurt my friend! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| That's called a lack of focus. | ||
| He's really supposed to be paying attention on the task at hand. | ||
| Well, that's what made me laugh, because he just recognized he's the only other task. | ||
| That's the guy who pursued his dream, and maybe, you know, maybe he's one of them antelopes. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Maybe he's one of them antelopes with a limp. | ||
| That's just part of... | ||
| That's great, though. | ||
| For me. | ||
| I was like, dude. | ||
| Yeah, fun for you. | ||
| I was on the other side of the fence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then I kept telling the other guy, just leave him alone. | ||
| He's my friend. | ||
| He knows me. | ||
| I don't think you listened, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Yeah, it doesn't work that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| So people that have never been to it live before are stunned. | ||
| The energy and also the fact it's so different when there's no commentary because you're kind of like watching it play out in your head and you hear, what is he doing? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Who's winning? | ||
| You hear like stuff like that from people in the audience. | ||
| Yeah, you're definitely right though. | ||
| You'd have to have commentary. | ||
| Well, not necessarily, because like some fights, you just see what's happening. | ||
| You know what's going on. | ||
| You just hear the pounding. | ||
| Yeah, you see people getting fucked up. | ||
| Just that sound. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| It's like that with NASCAR, too. | ||
| I got in with NASCAR when I was doing some AT&T commercial shit back in the day. | ||
| And so they said, you got to go to a Paladega or whatever, Daytona thing. | ||
| So I said, okay. | ||
| I grew up in Florida, but never been to a race. | ||
| And you go to that and you're like, holy shit. | ||
| Not just that, but it's like so smart. | ||
| It's like, you know, people make fun of NASCARs like they're dumb. | ||
| They're idiots. | ||
| Not only do they all come in their private jets, but the calculations and the people and the number crunching and the shit happening during the whole race, it's unbelievable. | ||
| I take a quarter pressure, quarter thing and then pull that down and crank one. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You just leave there going, fuck, these guys are brilliant. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of engineering involved, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Engineering. | |
| There's a lot of money involved. | ||
| Whenever there's a lot of money, those pit crews. | ||
| Yeah, their brain. | ||
| But it's funny how people think of NASCAR as dumb, and then you look and you're like, this is completely smart. | ||
| It is, but the thing that drives people nuts is that it's a circle. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Just going around. | ||
| I used to be one of my jokes in my show, I said, Danica Patrick, she had her blinker on the whole time. | ||
| It was some stupid joke. | ||
| I think she had her blinker on the whole time. | ||
| Well, they should make half the cars go the other way. | ||
| That would be fun. | ||
| That would be fun. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that would be wild. | ||
| You might have just created a new sport. | ||
| That would be fun, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| Half the cars start up that way, and then they go, and go! | ||
| They would have to make the cars much more protected, but if they did that... | ||
| Well, you just make them like a ramp, and that way if they did hit it, they just fly. | ||
| That was one of my first props I ever rode. | ||
| Dennis Miller, by the way. | ||
| Can I tell you my Dennis Miller thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Please. | ||
| So I was performing it. | ||
| This is one of my, it goes back to like weird shit. | ||
| So I was performing, I only had like 15 minutes, maybe tops, one trunk of stuff. | ||
| And that's how I actually, funny enough, I used to say, God, if I just build more shit, I could do more time. | ||
| So if I have more shit, I could headline it. | ||
| So I had like one trunk. | ||
| It was like maybe, you know, 20 props, five were good. | ||
| I just spread it out and tried to get there. | ||
| So they called me literally like four in the afternoon. | ||
| I'm in Charlotte. | ||
| And they said, do you want to open for Dennis Miller at Wake Forest University? | ||
| And I said, when? | ||
| They said, tonight. | ||
| I said, tonight? | ||
| Fuck, it's four in the afternoon. | ||
| How am I going to get to Wake? | ||
| So, you know, three hours, you can drive there and you can open. | ||
| So I said, fuck yeah, right? | ||
| It's my first big... | ||
| So I take my little prop. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| 90 or 89? | ||
| 80-something? | ||
| Maybe somewhere like that. | ||
| And so, I get there and... | ||
| It's a huge auditorium. | ||
| It's their homecoming. | ||
| It's fucking right. | ||
| It's like a 4,000-seat arena. | ||
| And I remember the Braves were playing in the World Series against somebody. | ||
| And he's a big Pittsburgh. | ||
| And the only reason I know this is because Dennis Miller is a big Pittsburgh Pirate fan. | ||
| So I get there, and I'm just beyond nervous. | ||
| I set my little trunk up in the packed crowd. | ||
| And the guy sends me out, and he says, do 15 minutes. | ||
| I said, I don't know if I have 15. I'll do what I can do. | ||
| The crowd was so good, right? | ||
| So I go out and I'm just doing like my Wendy's, all my fucking shit that was, you know. | ||
| And I, like three jokes in. | ||
| One was a car. | ||
| I said, they should make a car built like a ramp. | ||
| So if you have a collision, you just jump over it, right? | ||
| And it kills. | ||
| And then I pick up my paper cups and string with the call waiting in it. | ||
| Oh, that was the closer. | ||
| So I waited for that. | ||
| So I look over and I see, oh, fuck, there's Dennis Miller standing with the guy that booked me, right? | ||
| And Dennis Miller's just standing there watching. | ||
| I remember he's just being really short kind of guy. | ||
| And the guy was going like, you know, And I've only done, like, three jokes. | ||
| Oh, Dennis wants you to get off stage? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| So I look over, and then I look over again, and then I do it on the joke, and then I look, and the guy's like, just, like, wrap it up, right? | ||
| And I'm like, I've only done not even five minutes. | ||
| So I do my closer, my big, big paper cups and string. | ||
| Yeah, here's one for the new call waiting, and then conference calling, and da-da-da-da. | ||
| I'm not even done with it. | ||
| He walks out, and he says, leave your shit. | ||
| Because I was going to get it out of the way for him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I said, okay. | ||
| And then he didn't say anything. | ||
| And then I went up into the rafters of the theater and watched him perform. | ||
| And afterwards, anyway, he left, right? | ||
| And so then he said something like he picked up the car with the ramp and he looked at it and he went... | ||
| And threw it, but they tossed it. | ||
| And the whole crowd was like, what the fuck, right? | ||
| Because they loved me. | ||
| I was just young. | ||
| They were like, they loved me. | ||
| I was doing so well. | ||
| And they could tell that he just made fun of me and defaced my thing. | ||
| And it went like, ooh. | ||
| He's like, take it easy. | ||
| They call me Topper. | ||
| He says, Topper is funny, right? | ||
| Show's over. | ||
| I go to him. | ||
| He already left. | ||
| He didn't want to say hi. | ||
| I said, okay. | ||
| So then for five years at least, he'd make fun of me on his show. | ||
| Any show he did, he would make fun of me, like in a bad right. | ||
| And then one day, Margaret Cho is on like an election night thing they used to do with Dennis Miller. | ||
| And he says something about Kyrton. | ||
| And she says, why do you have... | ||
| Kerry Topps is a sweet guy. | ||
| Why do you hate him so much? | ||
| And he says, I'll tell you why. | ||
| And he says, he opened for me, and he's had the school wrong, Notre Dame or something. | ||
| And he did, you know, 35 minutes. | ||
| He was supposed to do 10. He did 35 minutes, and he doesn't know how to watch his time, and he needs to learn that and da-da-da-da-da this, right? | ||
| I'm like, well, wait a minute. | ||
| So all these shows go by. | ||
| I'm in a hotel in L.A. Doors open. | ||
| I said, Dennis. | ||
| And he goes, Topper. | ||
| I said, we have to clear something up. | ||
| He says, what's that? | ||
| I said, not only is your story not holding, no, no, you went long. | ||
| And I said, wait. | ||
| I said, I couldn't have gone long because I only had five fucking minutes. | ||
| So I didn't go long. | ||
| I said, let's just clear the air. | ||
| I didn't go long. | ||
| I couldn't have gone long. | ||
| There was no possibility I could go long. | ||
| And, you know, that's the story. | ||
| And he's like, yeah, well, whatever. | ||
| Bolts off. | ||
| I'm like, that went well. | ||
| And then I'm with David Spade one night. | ||
| And I said, David Spade, I said, hey, could you, could you, like, help me clear the air with fucking Dennis Miller? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I said, so I tell him the story. | ||
| He goes, no, he went long. | ||
| I said, I couldn't go. | ||
| To this day, I couldn't go. | ||
| I didn't go long. | ||
| So anyway, finally he's like, whatever. | ||
| Just, you know what, let it go, dude. | ||
| I'm like, again, I want him to like me. | ||
| I want him to be my friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, of course. | |
| So then it was an all-star basketball game in Vegas. | ||
| And I go in and everyone's like, all the ESPN people were, you know, there. | ||
| And I sit down and who's sitting right behind me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dennis Bell. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So I look back and I go, Dennis. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, I said, you, I said, um... | ||
| Something about, well, I got one seat better than you, or something about my hair blocking. | ||
| You won't be able to see the game because of my stupid hair or something. | ||
| Probably really ruined your night. | ||
| He says, you know what's really going to ruin my night? | ||
| And I said, what? | ||
| He says, my son wants to meet you. | ||
| He was so mad. | ||
| My son loves you. | ||
| I said, oh my God, that must really burn your... | ||
| I really hate that. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, he's your bigot. | ||
| He loves Karen Topper. | ||
| I said, see, tell your dad that I'm okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Yeah, so now I think we've become good friends. | ||
| It was just, again, communication and misunderstanding. | ||
| I wouldn't have done that. | ||
| Well, it's also people get real tense before they go on stage, and if they feel like you're doing something that they don't like, some comics get upset. | ||
| I hope he didn't have a car with a ramp. | ||
| No, I don't think he did. | ||
| He's doing my joke! | ||
| I have a car with a ramp! | ||
| It's all one of those things, it's like, who booked that? | ||
| Why would you take a guy who's got these witty one-liners and put them with a guy who's a prop act? | ||
| It's like, they don't necessarily jive. | ||
| Well, actually, it would have jive pretty good, because it was so different. | ||
| Actually, the crowd was going... | ||
| But that's not always good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, well, true. | |
| Like, different's not always good. | ||
| Well, that's true. | ||
| I had a guy with some dog thing happen before my show. | ||
| A dog thing? | ||
| It was a guy, they sent a thing, and I said, oh, that'd be kind of funny. | ||
| It's like dogs doing, like, whatever. | ||
| And that might be cute for my show, and it was just horrendous. | ||
| So you had an act with dogs? | ||
| It was like a dog that, yeah, did this whatever. | ||
| Oh, the dog performed with him? | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| I forget now, it's been too long ago. | ||
| But the only funniest, funniest pet one I've ever seen. | ||
| I think his name is Bruce Block. | ||
| He opened for Amazing Jonathan one night. | ||
| And this is brilliant shit. | ||
| I don't know why I didn't think of this. | ||
| So there's a little carpet stage, right? | ||
| Just enough for like your dog. | ||
| Just enough for a little dog. | ||
| And there's a microphone, just like this. | ||
| There's a stage, a little microphone. | ||
| And they said, please, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, whatever the fuck, Muffy so-and-so. | ||
| And the little fucking rabbit, this is great, walks up on the thing and grabs the mic like this. | ||
| The dog grabs the mic? | ||
| No, the bunny. | ||
| Oh, the bunny? | ||
| It's a bunny. | ||
| It was a bunny. | ||
| It's not a dog. | ||
| No, that was different. | ||
| This is an amazing dog. | ||
| I wish I'd hired you. | ||
| It's that fucking weed. | ||
| I would have hired this guy. | ||
| It was so fucking good though, right? | ||
| So this little bunny rabbit comes up and he grabs it like this and he says, what's up motherfuckers, right? | ||
| So what the guy did, he's got a little feeder in it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he's trained, of course, to hold like this. | ||
| But then when he'd feed it, he would go like that. | ||
| And he'd say, hey, motherfuckers. | ||
| So the carrot was eating food. | ||
| Yeah, it was 20 minutes of this rabbit telling really funny, dirty jokes. | ||
| And the way he would mannerism with the mic, he's like, yeah, look at these fucking cocksuckers over here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| It was brilliant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's brilliant. | |
| It was brilliant. | ||
| I remember the whole time, not I'm crying. | ||
| I'm like, why did I not think of that? | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| That is a great idea. | ||
| And if you get that rabbit to really keep eating... | ||
| I think it was Bruce Block, I think his name was. | ||
| If you get the rabbit to keep eating and you had some good, solid jokes... | ||
| Oh yeah, he could do anything. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| I think Bruce is down there doing the voice. | ||
| Like, hey, look at this lady over here. | ||
| I met Dennis Miller. | ||
| The first time I met Dennis Miller, I was at one of those... | ||
| Have you ever done one of those television things where you do like a block of press and they have like... | ||
| It's been so long, I forget what they call them, but whenever you... | ||
| Yeah, press... | ||
| Yeah, junket thing. | ||
| So there'd be like a bunch of stars from a bunch of different NBC shows and what have you. | ||
| And so I'm peeing. | ||
| And Dennis pulls up beside me and he goes, hey, Joey, you got yourself a hit over there, huh? | ||
| And I look over and I said, yeah, it's doing pretty good. | ||
| He says, yeah, that fear factor, doing pretty fucking good, pal. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| I go, oh, okay. | ||
| It's just weird when you're talking to somebody for the very first time and you have your dick in your hand and they're standing like a foot away from you and they're like, hi. | ||
| We have something in common. | ||
| We have something very similar. | ||
| I'm not making this up. | ||
| Bill Maher, if he was sitting right here, he'd remember this. | ||
| So I had never met Bill Maher. | ||
| He was at the American Comedy Awards. | ||
| And it might have been the night that I won. | ||
| So I go into the bathroom. | ||
| I didn't know he was in there. | ||
| And first of all, before I even do, Bill Maher was peeing next to me. | ||
| Next to me was Casey Kasem. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And next to Casey Kasem, this is not a joke, you can't make this shit up, right, was Larry King. | ||
| So when I walk into the bathroom, I see, not a joke, Tree icons! | ||
| No, I see... | ||
| No, he had his pants all the way down. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Casey? | ||
| No. | ||
| Bill? | ||
| No. | ||
| Larry King. | ||
| Larry King. | ||
| That seems like something you did. | ||
| And I walked in, I remember thinking, I saw... | ||
| No, seriously, but you think, well, when he gets his... | ||
| But he had... | ||
| It's just like, who does that? | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| I'm going to do that from now on. | ||
| Yeah, fuck it. | ||
| All the way down. | ||
| And so that caught my eye. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| And then I see Casey Kasem. | ||
| He's really short. | ||
| And then Bill Maher. | ||
| So I literally come like a horse into my stall, and I look over, and I see Casey Kasem. | ||
| And I look over at Bill Maher. | ||
| All he said was, I said, nice cock. | ||
| And he's like, what the? | ||
| And Bill, you know, Bill, he just loses his shit, right? | ||
| He's laughing so hard. | ||
| And then case to case, I'm like, what the fuck is going on in this bathroom, right? | ||
| And I said, comedy words, anyhow. | ||
| So I go back to my table, and Bill Maher's table's a couple over from mine. | ||
| He's got like 20 people, literally, at his table. | ||
| And he's telling his whole table, and they're all looking over at me. | ||
| And he's like, come here. | ||
| And I'm like, fuck! | ||
| So I go over and I go, hey, and he says, tell him what, I said, you already told him what I did. | ||
| And he's like, that was fucking funny and very risky. | ||
| I said, I didn't know what to say to you. | ||
| I'm a big fan, so I figured, hey, nice cock. | ||
| And it's really not, but I just wanted to get on your show. | ||
| And he says, you want to be on my show? | ||
| And I said, yeah. | ||
| He says, literally, call me tomorrow if you were available this weekend, literally that week. | ||
| And I was on the show like three days later. | ||
| Because I said he had a nice cock. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Just politically incorrect days? | ||
| Yeah, politically incorrect, yeah. | ||
| That was a fascinating situation. | ||
| You talk about someone getting canceled from a show that was probably the best thing that could ever happen. | ||
| This was during the Iraq War, and he was talking about... | ||
| I think what he said was something... | ||
| I don't want to fuck it up, but who's a coward? | ||
| The people who flew the planes in the building or the people who dropped bombs from a distance or something? | ||
| Something along those lines, and people got very, very, very upset, and then they wound up pulling the show. | ||
| And then he went over to HBO, and it became an infinitely better version of the show. | ||
| He's one of the best people of our era of pushing back against the most extreme, ridiculous, leftist, sort of censoring views. | ||
| And he's kind of all over the place, too. | ||
| Cancer culture thing. | ||
| He's kind of all over the place with... | ||
| Well, he's very liberal, but he's an old-school liberal, as in I am. | ||
| There's a thing, there's a difference between liberals that are just like, they think of themselves as open-minded people that realize that not everybody starts off at the same starting point. | ||
| So this idea of pull yourself up by your own bootstrings is pretty ridiculous. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| And that we all need some social programs. | ||
| The world needs them. | ||
| When I was a kid, I was on welfare. | ||
| My parents were on welfare. | ||
| We had food stamps. | ||
| I remember that very clearly. | ||
| And so the idea that everybody should just figure it out on their own. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| If we're a community, we're supposed to be helping each other. | ||
| And there's a certain amount of social programs that benefit society. | ||
| But he's also a guy who realizes that there's a certain amount of pushback against certain aspects of our society that become almost like cult-like. | ||
| And they don't make sense. | ||
| And things get preposterous and ridiculous and they go too far with things. | ||
| And that's where Bill stands. | ||
| He's more of an old-school, like, being a liberal from 20 years ago was very different than being a liberal of today, or a leftist of today. | ||
| Like, people today are, like, leaning so far towards socialism and Marxism that it's like, I don't know if they're doing it because they've thought it through, if they're doing it because this is the ideology of the moment, of the youth, and they think they're gonna reshape society. | ||
| And change things, which is like every young group thinks they're going to do that. | ||
| Every new group of people. | ||
| But Bill, in my opinion, is one of the very best of our current crop of people that's got a voice that speaks out against that stuff. | ||
| He's brilliant, actually. | ||
| He is. | ||
| And his show's brilliant. | ||
| Whoever's writing those things is brilliant. | ||
| I know one of the... | ||
| Scott. | ||
| Someone, yeah. | ||
| I've known him for years. | ||
| He's been with him day one. | ||
| A whole bunch of writers. | ||
| It's a very good show. | ||
| His main guy is great. | ||
| It's complicated. | ||
| I feel like that show would even be better if it was a long-format show on the internet with no censor. | ||
| You drink whatever you want, buddy. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with Crown. | ||
| I was just joking about that. | ||
| My first beer I ever had, my dad worked back at Space Center, went to a launch, and I was like 12. We'd go to see a shuttle launch. | ||
| 100, you know, Florida, 100 degrees out, and I'm sitting there. | ||
| I say, can we get like a hot dog on a Coke or something? | ||
| My dad's like, what do you want? | ||
| I said, I don't know, Coke and a hot dog. | ||
| He says, the line for Coke and hot dog was like 70 deep, and the line for a beer was like two. | ||
| So my dad looks at me and says, you're drinking a fucking beer. | ||
| laughter And I said, a beer? | ||
| I'm 12. He goes, just don't tell your mom. | ||
| I said, okay. | ||
| So I saw like three launches that day. | ||
| I got home. | ||
| My mom was like, how was the launch? | ||
| It was like three rockets. | ||
| She's like, what's wrong with you? | ||
| I said, no, I had beer. | ||
| You gave him a beer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Because that's my dad's logic. | ||
| He's like, I'm not waiting in the fucking line. | ||
| You're getting a beer. | ||
| When you saw the launch, did you wonder if it was going to blow up? | ||
| Well, this is prior to the blowing up one. | ||
| The Challenger one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I was, of course, my dad knew everybody on that one. | ||
| Oh, did he really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was in college at the time, and I was driving like a courier van. | ||
| And I remember, you know, the news came on, and I was like, what the? | ||
| It was on the talk radio I used to listen to. | ||
| Before we had cell phones, I pulled over and found a pay phone, and I called my dad, and he was like, just, you know, at the space center and just losing his mind. | ||
| He's like, yeah, yeah, it just happened. | ||
| I was at this girl I was dating. | ||
| We kind of stopped dating. | ||
| We kind of broken up and she moved to another part of the state and I went to visit her there. | ||
| And I think she had gone to school. | ||
| I think I had graduated from high school and she was still a senior. | ||
| I think that's what was happening. | ||
| So she had gone to school and I was staying at her house still. | ||
| And I watched TV and I didn't see the actual bomb, the actual Challenger blow up. | ||
| I saw a replay of it. | ||
| They were playing the replay on TV. So I turned on TV and I was like, holy fuck. | ||
| I think, I don't know if she was there or not. | ||
| It's hard to remember. | ||
| It was so long ago. | ||
| But I never forget, like, seeing it and trying to figure out what was happening. | ||
| What's going on with that? | ||
| Imagine people there watching too. | ||
| It didn't make sense. | ||
| When there's a tragedy and you get to watch, like, you see a video of it, like, is this real? | ||
| Like, am I watching something that's real? | ||
| Did this really happen? | ||
| It was, like, now you see, like, fucking Jeff Bezos is going flying around. | ||
| Like, what is he doing? | ||
| Richard Branson, they're all going into space. | ||
| Like, hey, guys, guys, guys. | ||
| My neighbors are on one of those flights coming up with Branson, I think. | ||
| So many people are giving Jeff Bezos shit because he was at a party for New Year's. | ||
| It was a disco party, and they're shitting all over the way he was dressed. | ||
| I think he looks great, okay? | ||
| A lot of you people are fucking haters. | ||
| They're haters because they're saying... | ||
| What did he look like? | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| There's a video. | ||
| I'd like you to find this video before you show me what he looked like. | ||
| There's a video from Jeff Bezos. | ||
| He's driving a Honda, and he's being interviewed. | ||
| By this guy and he's worth at the time he was Amazon was just taking off and he was worth Approximately eight billion dollars and so the guy says to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, this is it play this 1999 play this somewhere in the vicinity of nine or ten billion dollars today I Only say that because I've got a follow-up question. | |
| Okay. | ||
| What's with the Honda? | ||
| This is a perfectly good car. | ||
| Okay, now... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good. | |
| This is 1999, okay? | ||
| So here we are 20, almost 22 years later. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| What's wrong with that? | ||
| First of all, he's fucking jacked. | ||
| I was going to say, he's ripped. | ||
| He's got a beautiful girl in him. | ||
| She's hot as fuck. | ||
| She's hot as the sun. | ||
| Looks like he's packing some heat. | ||
| He's jacked. | ||
| He's jacked and he's dressed for a disco party. | ||
| So he had a disco party at his house. | ||
| So what's wrong with that? | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| But that is a full transformation. | ||
| But see that's another thing of people, why people just being mean? | ||
| Well it's just because he's now worth a hundred and eighty million billion dollars. | ||
| He's worth like, I think it's between him and Elon, they go back and forth as who's the richest person in the world. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's jacked! | |
| Jacked! | ||
| Look at him! | ||
| That's that same dorky guy in the Honda and now he probably... | ||
| Oh wow, you're right. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, he's Carrot Top in the fucking late 80s or whatever it was. | ||
| What year was it when he got really jacked? | ||
| Oh, it was more than that. | ||
| It was like in the 2000s somewhere. | ||
| But yeah, it lasted for a small bit. | ||
| He's riding that testosterone replacement therapy ride and he's in full effect. | ||
| But why? | ||
| Who cares? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I never understood that. | |
| Who cares? | ||
| If he was a rapper and he was doing that everybody be like, "Fuck yeah, look at Pitbull." Right, right, right. | ||
| You know, but why does anyone care about anyone else's personal choices of things too if you're understood? | ||
| No matter what it is. | ||
| Whether it's just doing steroids or doing this or doing that or doing that. | ||
| What's the point of it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Two things. | |
| One, because it's fun to make fun of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| So you look at him right there, it's fun to say, "Oh, fuck, Moodlife Crisis." But let's be honest, he's killing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy's killing it. | ||
| Nothing wrong with it. | ||
| Looks great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You go back to that guy in the Honda. | ||
| Yeah, this is a perfectly good car! | ||
| It's a great car. | ||
| You go back to that guy in a 1999 Honda, and then, you know, who knows, what does Jeff Bezos drive today? | ||
| I mean, he's probably got some fucking exotic handmade shit. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| They fly in from overseas. | ||
| They chrome, like Justin Bieber had a chrome. | ||
| He's probably balling out of control. | ||
| Completely out of control. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why not? | |
| It's good for him. | ||
| Well, why not? | ||
| But the point is, it's like... | ||
| Jeff Bezos is successful. | ||
| Why shouldn't he be jacked with a super hot girlfriend dressing like a pimp? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a really nasty Bugatti. | |
| Let me see the fucking Bugatti! | ||
| Let's see the goddamn Bugatti! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like it! | |
| I like it, Jeff! | ||
| I like the new you! | ||
| This is how I feel. | ||
| That's a great Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| That's like a $5 million car. | ||
| I was trying to find a picture of him in it so I could know for sure. | ||
| I think they're worth like $5 million. | ||
| They're preposterous cars. | ||
| That's Jeff Bezos' Bugatti. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I remember doing a Tonight Show with Jay. | ||
| He always had all those cars. | ||
| And one day I went out, you know, that parking spot he had right there in the front. | ||
| He said, it was a bike, but it had a jet engine on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, I've seen that. | |
| I thought it was a joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I look, I'm standing there looking at him. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| And Jay comes out. | ||
| I said, is that... | ||
| Is that... | ||
| Is that like a jet bike? | ||
| And he goes, yeah, that's a jet bike. | ||
| I said, well, how fast does this go? | ||
| He goes, it's the fastest it was. | ||
| And I said, well, how fast have you had it? | ||
| And he's like, yeah, like 180. I'm like, 180. You know, of course, from L.A. to Vegas, probably in that stretch. | ||
| But I'm like, when else can you go like on a jet? | ||
| Why do you need a jet bike to go like through L.A.? Like how would you just have so much money? | ||
| I'm just going to get a jet bike. | ||
| Well, he's just fascinated by cars. | ||
| Oh, no, he's great. | ||
| And then I asked him to bring in, which makes me think of the story of the cars. | ||
| I asked him, his assistant, Helga, I said, could Jay bring in the Ford GT? Because I saw that he had it. | ||
| On something. | ||
| And she said, yeah. | ||
| So pull up, nice enough. | ||
| He drove it in just for me to look at it. | ||
| And he says to me, do you want it for what you want to see? | ||
| I said, yeah. | ||
| I love this car. | ||
| And he goes, you know, I have a McLaren. | ||
| I could have brought that. | ||
| I said, I don't want the McLaren. | ||
| I want the Ford GT. And he's like, the McLaren is way better. | ||
| He was shocked that's the one I wanted to see. | ||
| I have way better car. | ||
| And I've seen the fire truck. | ||
| Imagine Jay Leonard driving down the fucking 405 with his fucking fire truck. | ||
| Which he does. | ||
| Was it the older Ford GT? Yeah, it was the Ford GT, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
2005-ish? | |
| Yeah, probably, yeah. | ||
| With this double blue stripe on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| White with double blue stripes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was fucking good. | |
| What is that? | ||
| What is that one? | ||
| Lamborghini? | ||
| Ven-nen-no. | ||
| Ven-nen-no-no-no-no. | ||
| It's the most expensive car he has, according to the article. | ||
| Most expensive car? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The J.S.? | |
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeff Bezos. | |
| Jeff Bezos? | ||
| Of course, Bezos has got a fucking million cars. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I still like the Cannonball Run. | ||
| I love the fact he goes from the fucking Honda to that. | ||
| Yeah, to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He might have a big pickup truck, too. | |
| To fully jacked man with a smoking hot girlfriend on a yacht. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the cheapest car he has apparently. | |
| That's the cheapest car. | ||
| That's the cheapest car. | ||
| It's only a million dollars. | ||
| Wait, what is it going backwards? | ||
| It's like Southwest. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Ferrari Pinaferina Sergio. | ||
| It's a three million dollar car. | ||
| Doesn't it look like it's going backwards? | ||
| It does look like it's going backwards. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| It's weird looking. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| It is cool. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I've never even seen that before. | ||
| Where's the windshield? | ||
| I would actually drive it backwards just to fuck with people. | ||
| It seems like it doesn't have a windshield. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't have a windshield. | ||
| Do you have to wear goggles? | ||
| What if you get hit in the face with a squirrel? | ||
| That doesn't have a windshield. | ||
| That has no windshield. | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| Hey, I'm in the car with him! | ||
| Wait a minute! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeff Bezos and Carrot Top! | |
| But why would you buy a car with no windshield? | ||
| That's just silly. | ||
| Well, he has no hair. | ||
| He's fine, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but your face. | |
| It's a mess. | ||
| If you fly into a flock of birds, you're a dead man. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like, just a bug. | ||
| I like this. | ||
| He's too rich. | ||
| He doesn't need a fucking windshield. | ||
| But if you're going 180 miles an hour and you hit a bug, is that what it means? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe it's removable. | |
| Oh, maybe you can... | ||
| Oh, removable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Really? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| No. | ||
| I think the top one's a concept. | ||
| I don't think it's real. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| They just took the picture of the concept car. | ||
| They do stuff like that. | ||
| I have muscle cars and sometimes when they build them, they don't put side mirrors on them. | ||
| And they want to keep no side mirrors on it. | ||
| And I'm like, hey guys, I need side mirrors. | ||
| I drive these things. | ||
| But these guys who make custom cars, they don't want to put side mirrors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They want to keep it sleek. | |
| Look up Joe Rogan's 1969 Nova. | ||
| My friend Steve Stroop is building me a 1969 Nova. | ||
| Look, when I was in high school, man, I was obsessed with cars, and I was obsessed with muscle cars. | ||
| And at the time, that's what it looked like in the rough, but there's newer images of it where it's like finished, where you can see the shine. | ||
| That's just the bare metal. | ||
| It was released recently. | ||
| Keep scrolling. | ||
| Right there, right there. | ||
| Were you clicking on that there? | ||
| Right there. | ||
| So that is what it looks like now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| So that's like, but see look, no side mirrors. | ||
| And that's my buddy Steve. | ||
| Oh, right, right. | ||
| The cursor is over my buddy Steve Stroop, who's a masterful car designer. | ||
| You're right though, no side mirrors, but you're right. | ||
| Because it would keep it more, that's a beautiful car. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| I love those. | ||
| That's a beautiful car. | ||
| Oh my God, I love those 1960s muscle cars. | ||
| Yeah, those kind of cars are cool. | ||
| I always wanted to find a Ford or a Chevy truck. | ||
| Oh, dude, I can find you one. | ||
| I know people, yeah. | ||
| With the big round back mirror or window in it. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Dude, whatever you- A burnt orange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Like a really burnt orange. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Dude, you know what you should get? | ||
| You should get an Icon Thriftmaster. | ||
| Do you know what that is? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Well, you need to check out this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Find it! | |
| Find it! | ||
| My friend, Jonathan Ward. | ||
| Jonathan Ward, he runs Icon. | ||
| Oh, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Yeah, is that Ward's Thriftmaster? | ||
| That's almost exactly what I'm talking about. | ||
| I even did the same damn color. | ||
| That's a 48. That's not Jonathan's. | ||
| That's a 1948 Chevy. | ||
| That's a gorgeous, gorgeous car, though. | ||
| Oh, that's for sale. | ||
| That's at Vanguard Motor Sales. | ||
| There's a site called VanguardMotorsales.com. | ||
| I think it's VanguardMotors.com. | ||
| But they specialize in a lot of these really cool old... | ||
| Go to VanguardMotors.com. | ||
| Just go there. | ||
| They probably have a car like this for sale there because that came from Vanguard. | ||
| I visit their website all the time just to see what kind of shit they have. | ||
| And if you like scroll into their inventory, just click current inventory. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The older, yeah, see? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow, jeez. | |
| So you go really old, they have like a 1941 Willys. | ||
| But if you scroll down, scroll down a little, they have those pickup trucks. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, they do. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| 55 Ford. | ||
| Look at that black one in the middle. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Oh, and that's a Restomod, too. | ||
| So it's got a modern Coyote engine, so it's got a modern Ford engine, which is what I love. | ||
| I love when they take an old car, but they put new shit in it. | ||
| Oh, they have a few. | ||
| They have four different Restomods that are from the 50s. | ||
| Look at that F100 pickup truck, the green one. | ||
| Holy shit, that's badass. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| And look at the red one in the middle. | ||
| That's another Rustomar Supercharged 350. But yeah, this is my style of car. | ||
| But I agree with you. | ||
| If you're going to do a car, the muscle cars are beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my God. | |
| Look at that Ford Bronco. | ||
| Oh my God, it's beautiful. | ||
| OJ's right underneath it. | ||
| No, it's a different car. | ||
| He lives in Vegas. | ||
| I see OJ all the time, by the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that like? | ||
| Hey, scroll up a little bit. | ||
| Scroll up a little bit. | ||
| I'll tell you my OJ story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Scroll up. | |
| Go left. | ||
| That green Rustomar. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| Oh wow, that's a great color too. | ||
| That gets my dick hard. | ||
| Look at that green. | ||
| Look at that fucking card. | ||
| That made my dick hard. | ||
| God damn, that's beautiful. | ||
| Oh my god, that's gorgeous. | ||
| That is a fucking gorgeous card. | ||
| 1967. That's beautiful. | ||
| The green on that is nice. | ||
| Oh my god, that's so beautiful. | ||
| I love that kind of card. | ||
| Where is this one out of, this place? | ||
| I don't know where they are. | ||
| I want to say they might be in Detroit. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Michigan, yeah. | ||
| They're in Michigan. | ||
| But like, look at that fucking car, man. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| I like these when they take an old car, but they put all new underpinnings. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| That makes me excited. | ||
| That's why they call that not even restoring. | ||
| They call it brand new. | ||
| Yeah, they call them Restomods. | ||
| That's what my 69 Nova is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's beautiful. | |
| It's a 69 Nova on the outside, but Steve took the fenders of a 1969 Camaro because they're wider, and he fused those to the body of the 69. Yes, that's what I like. | ||
| But anyway, go to Icon Thriftmaster. | ||
| So the reason why I'm saying Icon is because what Jonathan Ward does, he takes it like many, many, many levels past where a normal person would take it. | ||
| And he does these incredible cars where it's like incredible engineering. | ||
| He works on these things for fucking years before any car ever gets made. | ||
| And he's designed these Thriftmasters and they're fucking drop-dead gorgeous. | ||
| Like you see them... | ||
| I've seen a bunch of them. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's one that's kind of cool, but he's got ones that are like matte black. | ||
| Oh, look at that silver one. | ||
| But these things drive fantastic. | ||
| I mean, they're really cool. | ||
| Go to that black one on the far... | ||
| Ooh, look at that one. | ||
| Look at that matte black one. | ||
| I mean, come on, son. | ||
| Sylvester Stone would drive that in a fucking action movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're gorgeous cars, and they're meticulously done. | ||
| And Jonathan is just a stickler for design and detail, and he just loves things like that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They're all beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something about those old cars. | ||
| That's why I want an old truck. | ||
| You can get one, right? | ||
| So I can put my little prop trunk in the back and head to the Improv and Would you? | ||
| Yeah, do a guest set. | ||
| Pull up in that. | ||
| Do you have a guest spot set? | ||
| Yeah, it's funny you say that. | ||
| I used to make a joke years ago. | ||
| I'd have a little miniature trunk that would have like 10 small props. | ||
| So if I wanted to do a guest set, I could just pop in and just walk in with it. | ||
| Do you ever do that? | ||
| No, I should, because it'd be funny, I think. | ||
| Well, Vegas has a real comedy scene now. | ||
| You could stop in somewhere. | ||
| Well, I would probably go to, like, do one of the... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do, like, go to the... | ||
| The Improv or something. | ||
| ...and the Improv and Bud Friedman tell me to get my shit out of the hallway. | ||
| The Monocle? | ||
| I'll be sitting there, yeah. | ||
| Do you... | ||
| Have you gone to any of those local Vegas clubs? | ||
| Because Vegas has a lot of clubs now. | ||
| Yeah, Brad Garrett's a good friend of mine. | ||
| He's got a brand new club. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| I mean, like, they spend a shit ton of money on it. | ||
| Is it a new one or the one that's in the MGM? No, it's brand new in the MGM. Just opened last week. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the other one that existed, Dom Herrera loves that place, the last one. | ||
| Oh, the last one he had? | ||
| The last one he had in the MGM. No, it was a great club, but now Brad just made a whole new MGM. Is it in the same location? | ||
| It's in the same hotel. | ||
| No, it's in the better location. | ||
| It's where the mall shops are. | ||
| It used to be buried down the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Now it's up in the top. | ||
| That was kind of what's cool about it. | ||
| You had to go downstairs in the basement. | ||
| Yeah, I agreed. | ||
| But I haven't been to the new one, but I hear it. | ||
| Brad, of course, is a sweetheart. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He came to my show on my anniversary a couple weeks ago, and it was great. | ||
| I middled for Brad Garrett in, like, the fucking early 90s. | ||
| I middled for Brad Garrett, like, 91 or 92, before Everybody Loves Raymond. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Way back in the day. | ||
| He's a giant dude. | ||
| Oh no, he's great. | ||
| I had to rip it the same thing. | ||
| I went into the audience and I said, you want to be announced or not? | ||
| But I said, fucking, you can't not announce him. | ||
| He's 6'7", or whatever the fuck he's sitting in the thing, in a little seat. | ||
| And he talks like this. | ||
| Can you do a Brad Garrett impression? | ||
| Nah, at least I could. | ||
| I should. | ||
| I can do a Gilbert Goffrey. | ||
| What are these people? | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| Brad Garrett! | ||
| Yeah, so Brad, in the audience, I said, Brad Garrett, everybody's going crazy. | ||
| Everybody loves Raymond. | ||
| They really don't love Brad, but everyone still loves you. | ||
| He couldn't have been nicer. | ||
| He hung around three hours after the show in our little after-party. | ||
| Everybody does love Ray Romano. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love Ray Romano, but everybody loves Brad, too. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Brad's very well beloved. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| So the new place is in the MGM, but is it where all the shops are? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that where it's at? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's up in the upper right. | |
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what is that, like 300-seater, like the other one? | ||
| I have not been to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, this is the new one? | |
| Oh, that looks great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's what's on their site. | |
| That's great. | ||
| That was a perfect classic comedy club shape. | ||
| Now, let me ask you this. | ||
| Are you allowed to work anywhere you want? | ||
| Like, can you go to another place and do a guest spot? | ||
| Or do you have an exclusive deal? | ||
| I think for a guest spot, I'm okay. | ||
| You know, they have that stupid law, whatever, like, what's it called? | ||
| TMZ, what's it called? | ||
| Whatever that stands for, the miles. | ||
| TMZ? TMZ stands for something mile zone. | ||
| So you can't perform, you probably know this. | ||
| 10 mile zone? | ||
| 10 mile zone or something, right. | ||
| If I just wanted to go over to Brad's and do a little thing, which probably would be the best thing for me to do. | ||
| So you could do a show in Reno if you wanted to? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I couldn't do one somewhere else in Vegas, probably. | ||
| I've never worked Reno. | ||
| Have you ever worked Reno? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Reno's actually a really fun... | ||
| Relaxed. | ||
| Oh yeah, just blue-collar, fun, rowdy, drunk crowds. | ||
| Yeah, we have really good shows in Reno. | ||
| In fact, one time we were talking about shooting a special or something, I thought Reno would be a good spot. | ||
| It's not a bad spot. | ||
| It's so different than Vegas, though, because Vegas is so uptight, and Reno's a little more loose. | ||
| I was just watching a video, see if you can find this online, from 19... | ||
| I want to say it's like, the early 1900s, Jack Johnson defended his heavyweight title, I think it was against Jim Jeffries, and it was in Reno. | ||
| And I was watching this video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
1890? | |
| No, 1900s. | ||
| Early 1900s, yeah. | ||
| That's when we started comedy. | ||
| A little bit later. | ||
| We started a little bit later. | ||
| It feels like the 1900s. | ||
| It was wild because they built an arena, an outdoor arena in Reno for this fight. | ||
| It was 110 degrees outside and they had a 45 round fight. | ||
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, it's wild. | ||
| But here's what's wild. | ||
| Look at all these guys with hats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody wore hats. | ||
| Everybody did. | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| Everyone had a hat. | ||
| First of all, it's all men. | ||
| If you look around, you don't see any women. | ||
| It's all men with hats. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| How weird is this? | ||
| This is 1910 in Reno, Nevada. | ||
| And everyone had a fucking hat. | ||
| They all had a hat. | ||
| Miles around to watch Jack Johnson fight Jim Jeffries. | ||
| Jim Jeffries, he went into training camp for six months for this fight because he had taken many years off of fighting and he had ballooned up to over 300 pounds. | ||
| And he lost 100 pounds to get down to fighting weight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wilford Brimley is there, too. | |
| No, that's John L. Sullivan, you son of a bitch. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Wilford Brimley. | ||
| And so he lost 100 pounds to get down to weight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And it took him six months to do so. | ||
| That's him right there. | ||
| So that's him fit and in shape. | ||
| So he used to be the heavyweight champ, and he was a real stud back in the day. | ||
| But by this time, he was like 37 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is he still fighting? | |
| No, he's doing commentary now. | ||
| He had taken six whole years off of fighting and lost a ton of weight and got in shape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he win? | |
| No, Jack Johnson fucked him up. | ||
| Jack Johnson was the man back then. | ||
| So my question is, just you brought that up, look at that, the sea of hats. | ||
| So my question is, what comes to my brain is when and why do we don't wear that hat anymore? | ||
| Why don't we wear hats anymore? | ||
| It's a good question because back then, if you had a hat business, you're like, bro, I'm fucking killing it. | ||
| Everyone's always going to have hats. | ||
| What's with the hats? | ||
| When do we just go, we don't wear hats anymore? | ||
| Those hats are the blockbuster video of headwear. | ||
| It's like they just went away. | ||
| Yeah, it's so bizarre. | ||
| They probably back then couldn't imagine a world where men didn't wear hats. | ||
| Yeah, they all wore hats. | ||
| Like the jackets and coats and hats and ties. | ||
| And they were saying in the video when I was watching it that front row tickets were going for over $100. | ||
| $100 a ticket back then. | ||
| Like, what is... | ||
| Okay, just Google that. | ||
| What was $100 in 1910 and 2022 money? | ||
| I'm going to say... | ||
| Let's take a guess. | ||
| I'm going to say $3,000. | ||
| Yeah, something like that maybe. | ||
| $3,000. | ||
| That's for a $100 equivalent then? | ||
| Yeah, I want to say it's $3,000. | ||
| What is it, Jamie? | ||
| $29.25. | ||
| I was going to say $29.95. | ||
| You should have. | ||
| You would have looked smarter. | ||
| But I mean, $3,000 for a front row ticket. | ||
| By the way, that was a pretty phenomenal guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty good guess. | |
| You're off like $4. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they estimated something at the time the video was made. | ||
| They said it was like $1,000. | ||
| But at the time the video was made, I think it was Jim Jacobs was doing the commentary for the video. | ||
| And I think that was in the 80s that he was doing that. | ||
| So I just put it forward. | ||
| And so it's probably about $3,000. | ||
| That's a pretty good guess. | ||
| Fucking inflation. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Nothing's worth anything anymore. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I was reading that the amount of money that they print every day because of COVID and the economy's crashing and all that shit, it's some staggering amount every second. | ||
| Like hundreds of thousands of dollars. | ||
| Oh, that we print every day? | ||
| And $100 bills are printed every second. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| It's throwing money. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Do you understand the economy or do you just know how much you get paid? | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| A little bit of the economy. | ||
| I don't know it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| How much I get paid. | ||
| I do, I do, I do, you know. | ||
| How much money is printed each day? | ||
| The Bureau of Engraving and Printing produces 38 million notes a day with a face value of approximately $541 million. | ||
| Alright, so my question to you is how long has this been going on? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We've always been overprinting money, I'm assuming, right? | ||
| All of a sudden, just now we're going to start doing this shit. | ||
| Isn't it funny how important that is and how little most of us know about how it all works? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just go, yeah, my paycheck? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Can I pay my bills? | ||
| Yeah, you know, like you negotiate a certain amount, you get the check, and you can pay your rent and all that jazz. | ||
| I really don't go, holy shit, that, yeah. | ||
| But if you did sit around and think about it, I've had people explain it to me, explain finances to me, and explain the economy to me, and it's... | ||
| Mind-boggling and complicated. | ||
| That's why I'm a comedian. | ||
| I don't know that stuff. | ||
| No, seriously. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can have someone sit right now and explain the economy. | ||
| There was a couple guys in your podcast that were explaining that. | ||
| They're not funny, though. | ||
| No. | ||
| You talk to guys who explain the economy. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, they're a hoot. | ||
| You should hang out with them. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| They're about as funny as coroners. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And they're both equally solemn because they're just like, oh, this is over. | ||
| Yeah, what we do here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's my Gene Simmons doing it. | ||
| This is Gene Simmons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't even know how to do Gene Simmons, Carrot Top. | |
| You're right, I don't. | ||
| Now that you're doing it right, I can't do it. | ||
| I suck at impressions. | ||
| I can't do very many impressions, but I can do a few. | ||
| Like Clinton, I can do... | ||
| Everybody can do Clinton. | ||
| That's easy. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| That's all I can do, though. | ||
| Just that word, huge. | ||
| There's a guy who does Trump, and if you close your eyes... | ||
| You're like fucking crazy. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Trump's a good one, because he's got so many mannerisms. | ||
| He's got so many... | ||
| I do a bit in the show where I go, one thing I liked about when he would do speeches and stuff, he would always announce people in the audience that were out there. | ||
| It's always an interesting reaction when people like it. | ||
| I said, do you remember him going like, Sally, where's Sally? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sally, great lady, where's Sally at? | |
| Jimbo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great guy. | |
| He knows how to wear a crowd. | ||
| But it's interesting how crowds, some nights they laugh, some nights they just go, they do that, they're kind of like, are we allowed to laugh at this? | ||
| No one knows what to do anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you can laugh, it's okay. | ||
| Do you pay attention to politics at all, or just for jokes? | ||
| Mostly just jokes. | ||
| I mean, I try to stay in tune, in a sense. | ||
| I mean, I watch news, and I try to stay on top of it, but mostly for material. | ||
| I try not to get too crazy into it, because no one cares. | ||
| It's not good for your head. | ||
| Well, yeah, no one really, you know, when they come to my show, they're not expecting me to do it. | ||
| They want to see a walker with a dildo on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You got to see them. | ||
| They care, but they just don't care at that moment. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| They're like, I want to hear you talk about, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fine line. | ||
| Like, people who just do political commentary, or political comedy, rather, it's like, oof. | ||
| Well, yeah, like, you just see a, yeah. | ||
| I mean, even like a, well, although Bill Morrow, going back to Bill, I saw the special he did. | ||
| Goddamn, that was an hour of, it was pretty fucking funny. | ||
| Last special? | ||
| Yeah, it was pretty funny. | ||
| A lot of politics talk? | ||
| It was all politics talk. | ||
| But it was well done. | ||
| And what's his name too? | ||
| Black, Lewis Black. | ||
| Lewis Black, yeah. | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| He starts going on about the scientist thing when he goes, people, we paid these millions of dollars for people to do one thing, then research, development, or whatever, and I hope I'm doing it better, Lewis Black. | ||
| And he says, and they get the thing, and they get the information, and they get it all together, and they gather up, And they give it to us! | ||
| And then we get it and we go, eh, I'm not buying it. | ||
| This is their only job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is what they do is they get their information and they give it to us. | |
| Lewis Black's brilliant. | ||
| I saw him literally at a comedy club in Vegas before he blew up. | ||
| And I'm sitting in the back of the room losing my mind. | ||
| I'm like, this guy is brilliant. | ||
| And there was like 20 people in there. | ||
| And then he started doing his specials and doing the thing on Comedy Central, John Stewart, back in black with him. | ||
| And I remember thinking, I was that night, why is this guy not... | ||
| Why is he not... | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking brilliant. | ||
| Well, he is now. | ||
| It's one of those things. | ||
| Yeah, no, no. | ||
| He's... | ||
| There's so many comics like that. | ||
| You just like, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's just... | ||
| Which is great, again, about styles. | ||
| It's fun to watch different styles. | ||
| Like Jack... | ||
| Or Jack Black. | ||
| Or Jack Black. | ||
| Louis Black. | ||
| Or, you know... | ||
| Do you ever go to a show? | ||
| Do you ever, like, go and sit down and watch a comedy show? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I used to more then now. | ||
| When I lived in L.A., I'd always go back and sit in the back of the room and watch a comedy show. | ||
| Well, when you're doing your show six nights a week, how do you have time for anything? | ||
| That's just it. | ||
| What time does your show start? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It starts at 8. Oh, okay. | |
| So, yeah, you're in the middle of everything. | ||
| It's done by 8.05. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, thank you. | |
| Tight five, and then Dennis Miller chooses you going long. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| It's hard to do anything else. | ||
| It is. | ||
| That's the hard thing. | ||
| And people always say, if it shows, I said, no, I, you know, and I, when I get one night off, you know, it's like... | ||
| One, it's a Sunday. | ||
| There is going to be a show that I can go to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you experience Vegas nightlife? | ||
| People that live in Vegas never go to this trip, right? | ||
| I don't normally. | ||
| Unless you want to... | ||
| I don't normally. | ||
| Unless you want to go to... | ||
| The show... | ||
| It causes me to drink and smoke more than... | ||
| This show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You getting nervous? | ||
| This show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm having a great time. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But, like, my friends that live in Vegas, they never go to the Strip unless they want to go to a restaurant or something. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's tough, though. | ||
| But, I mean, if there's something like... | ||
| The last comic, I think I went and saw Chris Rock, and, you know, I went to the whole Nine Yards, you know, waited in line, turned in my cell phone, been a baggie and all that, and... | ||
| Where was that at? | ||
| It was at the... | ||
| Good question. | ||
| I've known Chris for... | ||
| Funny fucking guy. | ||
| That guy is right. | ||
| One of the greats. | ||
| I always used to give him grief. | ||
| Again, I've been lucky with certain comics that you think would not like me that actually do like me. | ||
| So Chris was always a big fan. | ||
| And I said, you know what's great about you? | ||
| You tell every joke twice. | ||
| So really, an hour special is a half hour because he always says, these people are great... | ||
| People are crazy! | ||
| And then he'd say, people are fucking crazy! | ||
| He would say the same line. | ||
| So I'd say, really, you only have a half hour if you take them. | ||
| And he would go, he's like, yeah, thanks, Scott. | ||
| But no, it was a great show. | ||
| And I remember watching it just thinking, he's a true pro, like fucking the writing and the delivery and just everything. | ||
| Just like from the beginning to the end, it's like fucking great. | ||
| Yeah, he takes a very different professional approach. | ||
| He has guys he works with where he pays them to watch his set and then they go over the material afterwards. | ||
| Yeah, I've never done that. | ||
| I should do that. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| I should do that. | ||
| It's a smart idea because he has access to all these brilliant comedian minds and then they'll say, when you're doing that, here's what I've thought. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they'll be like, hmm, take it into consideration. | ||
| So you have... | ||
| It's like you're putting together a show. | ||
| Sure, sure. | ||
| Like if you were putting together like a sitcom, you would have a bunch of writers and sit around and spitball. | ||
| And so he'll do his stuff and then he'll have like a couple of guys will come. | ||
| He used to do that when he was preparing for like the Oscars. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Come to the comedy store and he would bring a couple guys to watch him and then they would go over the material afterwards and try to tighten it up. | ||
| That's what I need. | ||
| It's good to have different ideas. | ||
| No, it is great. | ||
| That's probably why it works so well. | ||
| It's also because he's putting that much more time into it. | ||
| Sometimes it's just a matter of how much more time are you putting into the material. | ||
| Because so many comics, they get their act, and then they just fuck off for the whole day, and then they look at their notes briefly before they go on stage, and then they go up. | ||
| But if you're working on it like that, where you have a group of guys, and you're saying, hey, that bit about the pot and the kettle and all that jazz, and write that, and what about the bit about the parking ramp? | ||
| And, you know, you just go over the material and just that much more focus, that much more time. | ||
| He's a guy who took, I think Chris took like 10 years off of stand-up. | ||
| I think he took a long time. | ||
| He did take a break. | ||
| He did take a break. | ||
| He was doing a lot of movies. | ||
| He was still working, movies and stuff, but he took a long-ass time from stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think that probably just shows you how great he is because he can take that much time off and come right back and be just as sharp. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure it took him a couple of... | ||
| I feel like that was a week... | ||
| And I'm not making this up. | ||
| Like a week off? | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But like if I get... | ||
| I remember the only time I ever had two weeks off when we went to London. | ||
| It was... | ||
| It's always a week. | ||
| But I come back from a week, I'm like... | ||
| Like I kind of get a little... | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it comes right back, but it's usually like, it's always the second show I fuck up. | ||
| I come back and I nail the first one, and the second night, I'm like, what? | ||
| Yeah, cocky. | ||
| Second one, you're cocky. | ||
| But you think you already did the one, that should be fine. | ||
| Well, the first one, you're nervous. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| And then you settle in, and then you fuck it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The second one, you get a little... | ||
| But I like writing. | ||
| I like, because people say, you know, when do you put in a joke? | ||
| Any second you think of it, you do it, right? | ||
| I don't sit down and... | ||
| I'm not a sit-down, write guy. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| You just, like, come up with an idea during the day and then jot it down? | ||
| Yeah, or at night, right. | ||
| But, like, you know, friends of ours, like Tom Green, we'll call him, he's like, what are you doing? | ||
| Or even his Instagram, he's like, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to write some jokes for a couple hours. | ||
| And I'm like, wow, in my 30s, I've never sat down with a pad of paper and a thing and said... | ||
| Let's write some jokes. | ||
| And just never. | ||
| I'd just be on a plane and go, ah, you've got to actively keep your mask up while you're eating a drink. | ||
| Something. | ||
| And then that night, boom, I'll do it. | ||
| And then if it works, it works. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| Do you refine stuff, or do you feel like... | ||
| Oh, absolutely, yeah. | ||
| But it's always raw, and then it turns into, like, a whole... | ||
| Then you... | ||
| I mean, my crew, because I work... | ||
| But my crew say, wow, that bit's really coming together nicely. | ||
| But it takes a few times to work it out. | ||
| Like, I still don't sit down and write it out. | ||
| Like, Larry Miller used to write commas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dashes and commas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was in a movie with him, and... | ||
| He gave me some great advice. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| He's such a funny guy. | ||
| And I had been filming a couple days and he was the main guy in the movies, like the bad guy that's taking over the company. | ||
| And I'm doing the scene with him and I'm used to working theaters, you know, so I'm doing everything big, like, you know, like, but when you're in a movie, it's, you know, this, not this, right? | ||
| So I don't know this. | ||
| I've never been in a fucking movie. | ||
| I think I'm nailing it. | ||
| So we go to the dailies in the trailer and they start watching the dailies and there's one scene where Larry Miller literally just goes like that. | ||
| Just his eyebrows went up anyway. | ||
| And everybody fucking lost their shit, right? | ||
| And I look back and I said, I did all that. | ||
| No one, not always laughed or did any reaction to any of my scenes, but that one fucking scene. | ||
| So I said, why was that? | ||
| And he said, I'm going to give you some advice. | ||
| He says, you're used to working in theaters. | ||
| And back then I was doing all these big theaters. | ||
| And he said, you're in a movie. | ||
| It's got to be so small. | ||
| Work small. | ||
| And it was weird. | ||
| That day after I did that, I started doing little things as opposed to big things. | ||
| And it was amazing how different he made it for me. | ||
| But that first couple days, I think they even used any of that footage. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| Was that the first movie you did? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| And a star in it. | ||
| And have you ever done any since? | ||
| I did. | ||
| Yeah, I've done some smaller parts. | ||
| I didn't have a main role. | ||
| I just was telling people yesterday, I was on a Betty White and I did a Dennis the Menace movie. | ||
| And I was telling the crowd that I said, you know, I had the pleasure. | ||
| You know, it's funny about comedy too. | ||
| No matter what you say, they all think it's a joke. | ||
| And even if you say, you know, the night my dad died, I came and said, this is a weird night. | ||
| You know, my father passed away today, so it was just kind of an emotional night. | ||
| And everybody laughed. | ||
| And I remember coming off stage, and I was like, what the fuck? | ||
| Why do they think that's funny, though? | ||
| I think anything you say, or maybe it's just because it's me, they don't... | ||
| So the other night on stage, I said, you know, Betty White passed away, and everybody was like, oh, and they clapped. | ||
| And I said, Betty White and I did a film together, Dennis the Menace, and they all didn't believe it kind of thing. | ||
| I'm like, no, I did. | ||
| And then I told the story. | ||
| I was on the Tonight Show, and Betty White was on the show with me. | ||
| And this was maybe six, seven years ago. | ||
| And she was getting her makeup put on. | ||
| And I walked in, and I said, Hi, Betty. | ||
| I don't want to bother you. | ||
| I just wanted to say hi. | ||
| And she goes, Hi. | ||
| And she says... | ||
| I said, I'm on the show with you tonight. | ||
| I just wanted to say hi. | ||
| And she goes, oh, what do you do? | ||
| And I said, I'm a singer. | ||
| I'm a rapper. | ||
| And she goes, oh, I can't wait to see you, right? | ||
| I said, do you remember working on a movie with me? | ||
| And she said, oh, I feel so bad. | ||
| I'm sorry I don't. | ||
| And I said, oh, well, we did a movie with Dennis the Menace. | ||
| It was you and Don Rickles and me and a whole bunch of people. | ||
| And she goes, there was a movie about Dennis the Menace. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, you were in it. | ||
| I were in it. | ||
| But it was really cute because she didn't know not only who I was, do you remember filming with me? | ||
| But you don't have any movies you must have done? | ||
| Oh, no, I know. | ||
| And that's why I said, okay, well, you know, but no, it's sweet, but she didn't know there was a movie. | ||
| That's kind of funny. | ||
| Now, Rickles... | ||
| Better, this is great. | ||
| Oh, you met Rickles. | ||
| Oh, wait, no, I was in a movie with him. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| So, there's two Rickles things, real quickly. | ||
| So, I'm doing the Dennis the Menace, and there's a scene where I, I don't know, I'm dressed like an Indian. | ||
| I was all these, it was Bill Murray's brother, Brian Dole Murray and me, And I'm doing like this. | ||
| Every scene I'm a different character. | ||
| I was like an Indian. | ||
| I was an old guy and all these makeup things. | ||
| So most of the time I'd spend on the makeup trailer. | ||
| So it's a scene where I'm an Indian guy like, you know, we got to figure it out because we're trying to, you know, trick this Don Rickles that I'm, you know, whatever. | ||
| I have this root that we're trying to sell. | ||
| And so anyway, I did the scene cut and something didn't work. | ||
| The machine or something I was supposed to hold up didn't work. | ||
| So I said, fuck, that was a great scene too. | ||
| Fuck, that was a great take. | ||
| And Rickles comes over to me and says... | ||
| Give me a second. | ||
| I said, what? | ||
| Seriously, he walked me out and he said, don't ever curse on a movie set. | ||
| And I said, I'm sorry. | ||
| And he says, I love you and you're a good kid. | ||
| Just never curse on a – and I said, that's great advice. | ||
| I just – it slipped me. | ||
| Cut to the next scene. | ||
| No, literally. | ||
| No, we go to the thing and the next scene and he's ad-libbing with the entire crew. | ||
| But he's saying, oh, we got the Mexican here. | ||
| Yeah, the hubcaps are going on there. | ||
| Black guy, hold your wallet. | ||
| He was doing all this like racial, bad... | ||
| Like, worse than me saying fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I remember thinking, this is amazing. | ||
| Like, I got in trouble for saying fuck. | ||
| Oh, so he was serious. | ||
| He was, yeah. | ||
| I thought he was going to do the next scene and start swearing like crazy. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He never, no. | ||
| And then I saw him years ago, right before he died, literally, which is going to be weird again, there's like that, what do you call that Kevin Bacon separation thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm in some restaurant in L.A. Well, all the to-dos are there. | ||
| I mean, literally, there's like a guy from Motley Crue is there with Nikki Sixx. | ||
| Larry King. | ||
| Mrs. Brady, like, is the weirdest people in there, right? | ||
| I'm having dinner, and my agent says to me, I'm having dinner with him, and he says, you should go say hi to Don Rickles. | ||
| And I said, fuck, where's Don? | ||
| He says, right over there. | ||
| And I said, it was like 10 people. | ||
| Oh, God damn it. | ||
| I mean, you know, I'm kind of, believe it or not, in person, I'm kind of a shy, I don't want to walk in front of a fucking tent in there, you know, approaching him all night probably. | ||
| So I said, Don, hey Don, Carrot Top, and he looks at me, he says, He goes, really? | ||
| And I said, yeah. | ||
| He says, like I didn't see you coming from whatever, from Van Nuys? | ||
| And I said, yeah, I don't want to bother you. | ||
| He goes, well, that's too late. | ||
| You've already bothered me. | ||
| Now what? | ||
| And I said, I just wanted to say, do you remember working in the movie with me? | ||
| And he says, I've tried to forget everything we've ever done together. | ||
| Seriously, like not even missing a beat. | ||
| I've tried to forget everything we've ever done together. | ||
| Now this? | ||
| And I go, I'm sorry. | ||
| Have a good night. | ||
| Well, it's too late now. | ||
| You've already ruined my dinner and my appetite. | ||
| Everyone say hi to Karatsov. | ||
| And they'll go, hi. | ||
| And he's like, no. | ||
| And I tried to buy his dinner, but the other guy said, no, no. | ||
| I insist you can't. | ||
| Did you ever see the video of him and Frank Sinatra on Johnny Carson? | ||
| Oh, the bad one he said. | ||
| Where he was talking about the dinner? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Oh, it's classic. | ||
| It's classic. | ||
| It's classic. | ||
| Don Rickles. | ||
| He was eating dinner, and Don Rickles came over, and he, well, let's see if we can find the video, because it's very funny. | ||
| It's Frank Sinatra. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you're in a romantic mood, and you're trying to make out, whose records do you put on? | |
| That's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What kind of music do you put on? | |
| Look at the way he dressed back then. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at that outfit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've spent a lot of nice evenings listening to your music, and I just wonder, I wonder who Frank listens to. | |
| Oh, I played Jerry Fail or someone else. | ||
| Interesting concept. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| But I can answer that by telling you that in those lovely moments, I play Daphnis and Chloe, or the Sunken Cathedral, the Engulfed Cathedral, all that kind of classy jazz. | ||
| I don't fool around with all that other stuff. | ||
| Hey look, I know you're gonna do another number with the band cuz I know you got a recording session tonight and really Just just the way he would look at her Look how funny he is. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Yeah, he's just, right? | ||
| Genius, right? | ||
| Well, all geniuses, right? | ||
| Yeah, all of them. | ||
| Yeah, timing. | ||
| It's timing. | ||
| Just even look at his face. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why don't you guys get with the band? | |
| Why don't you guys get with the band? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Frank, it's good to see you. | |
| I just was hanging around in the hall and they said, Frank Sinatra's here. | ||
| I've never met him, you know. | ||
| And I get the chills. | ||
| You'll excuse us, won't you? | ||
| Certainly, certainly. | ||
| Marco Mangonanzo was hurt. | ||
| Marco Mangonanzo, Fambino Bombazzo, two bullets in the head Thursday. | ||
| It was like an inside joke that Frank Sinatra was connected to the mob. | ||
| Not so inside either. | ||
| Everybody knew it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at their boots. | |
| Is the truck loaded? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at their boots. | |
| Guido says hi. | ||
| He hasn't had a chance to talk to you. | ||
| And from Jersey City, your good friend Bubani Mbazzo. | ||
| What's his alias? | ||
| What's his alias? | ||
| He started his car with your album on, and now he's a highway. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| But I tell you, I'm a Jew and you're an Italian, and here we have what? | ||
| And this is a great Irishman. | ||
| This is America. | ||
| Look how these microphones, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You see it hanging into the frame. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you really know Frank? | ||
| And I want you to know, Frank, I worship you and I love you. | ||
| I really mean this, because since I'm a kid, I used to blow in girls' ears and hear you go, and do it my way. | ||
| I need a girl so bad. | ||
| I love my wife, but she's ill. | ||
| I love my wife, but she's ill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a different world back then. | |
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, the microphone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I suppose it's my way. | |
| And Barbara, his wife is going, Frank, when you get a minute. - God bless you. | ||
| He just got my... | ||
| Hey, all the good things. | ||
| This is the most exciting night in the years that I've known Johnny Carson. | ||
| He started me on this show. | ||
| This is the most exciting night and I... So help me. | ||
| It's a great night. | ||
| He was even nervous because he came to me and said... | ||
| And I said... | ||
| - You are a powerhouse in Frank. | ||
| I love you. - Kiss the red of the lips. | ||
| Again! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Now get off me! | ||
| 1976. Here it is. | ||
| Here's the story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You may have known or heard about this. | |
| It was a true story. | ||
| This was a long time ago, long before Don got married. | ||
| I was eating dinner in a restaurant in New York, and, uh... | ||
| I was sitting with some friends and he came over to the table and he said, Frank, do me a favor with you. | ||
| He said, I'm sitting with a very pretty girl and I'm trying to make out, you know. | ||
| And he said, I told her I know you and she really doesn't believe me. | ||
| Would you stop by the table? | ||
| I said, all right. | ||
| I was just about finished. | ||
| I was down to the expresso. | ||
| And finally he went back and I walked by the table and I said, how are you, Don? | ||
| Nice to see you. | ||
| He said, can't you see I'm eating, Frank? | ||
| And I went for the whole thing. | ||
| I stood with my mouth open. | ||
| How great is that? | ||
| It's pretty great, but YouTube fucks it up with those big screens in the bottom. | ||
| Like, you can watch this, or you can watch that, or... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know the Billy Crystal one? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| It's pretty great. | ||
| Another one with Don Rickles? | ||
| No. | ||
| So, Billy Crystal... | ||
| I'm gonna mess this up. | ||
| Billy Crystal... | ||
|
unidentified
|
By the way, I was kind of... | |
| I didn't grow up with Billy Crystal, and I didn't really... | ||
| And I went and saw him in Broadway when he did that 48 Sundays or 52 Sundays with his father, or whatever it's called, 54 Sundays. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Well, it was on Broadway, but it was the most remarkable thing I've ever sat through in my life. | ||
| I mean, you laugh, you cry, and then you're laughing again, and then you're crying really hard. | ||
| And he couldn't have been nicer and took a picture of me after on the set, and anyway... | ||
| Big, huge Billy Crystal fan. | ||
| So anyway, I go back and I watch one of his, very similar to that. | ||
| So he said Red Foxx was going to play in Las Vegas. | ||
| And so he flew from LA to Vegas just to see Red Foxx. | ||
| It was like at midnight at the, you know, whatever, Stardust or whatever hotel was at the time. | ||
| And of course, he'll tell the story better, but he says, so I get on the plane, I go there, and I look and I say, oh shit, it's at midnight, so I have to set my alarm and take a nap. | ||
| So he sets his alarm for like 11.30, gets up, goes down, gets dressed, goes down to the club, walks into the comedy club where Fox was going to play. | ||
| And there's like four people. | ||
| So Billy's looking around. | ||
| He's like, wow, this is going to be weird. | ||
| And they say, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Red Fox. | ||
| And they play the... | ||
| Right, the music from the thing. | ||
| And he walks up and grabs the mic and he goes, fuck this shit. | ||
| And they play... | ||
| They walk him up. | ||
| And he's like, I flew all the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Billy, of course, does it way better... | |
| But how great is that? | ||
| He walked, fuck this shit, threw the mic down, and he was like, well, I flew all the way here, and it couldn't happen. | ||
| I get it from Red Fox's perspective, but fuck. | ||
| It wasn't in a breezeway. | ||
| Can you imagine having the opportunity to see Red Fox live? | ||
| I think that's why Billy did that. | ||
| Yeah, and no one was there. | ||
| He was like, I gotta go watch this. | ||
| That's the days before social media. | ||
| You couldn't get anybody to come see a show. | ||
| They didn't know they were going to go see a legend. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But yeah, funny. | ||
| Red Foxx had a comedy club in LA, apparently, at one point in time. | ||
| Yeah, Richard Pryor used to play there, and there's some cassettes that I bought at a truck stop one day. | ||
| I love Richard Pryor, too, and Red Foxx. | ||
| There was shows that were recorded at Red Foxx's comedy club, and you can get them. | ||
| They're on YouTube, I believe. | ||
| Some of them are, at least. | ||
| And these recordings, they're really interesting because it's not... | ||
| It's not like the most produced recordings, but you hear glasses clink and you hear ice cubes and stuff, and Richard Pryor is fucking around. | ||
| Isn't that great? | ||
| Oh, it's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| He's riffing and ad-libbing on stage. | ||
| One of the funniest guys I think we ever had. | ||
| I mean, honestly. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Groundbreaking, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's certainly an argument as the GOAT. It's hard to say, like, who's the greatest because you have to always go back to, like, Lenny Bruce started it. | ||
| If it wasn't for Lenny Bruce, who knows where the art form of stand-up comedy would be today? | ||
| He broke all the rules, yep. | ||
| He was the first that does comedy the way we do comedy. | ||
| Like, we just talk about things and say what's on your mind, talk about social issues. | ||
| But Richard Pryor was the first to talk, like, personally about himself and make it vulnerable and really funny and really honest. | ||
| There's a scene out of the... | ||
| True. | ||
| There's a scene out of... | ||
| And I've been saying this for probably, like, two weeks now when I flew last... | ||
| My iPad, I'm the worst at technology. | ||
| I'm an old fuck. | ||
| I don't know how to download shit. | ||
| I don't know how to get on a plane. | ||
| I don't know how to get on their thing to watch movies. | ||
| So I have two movies on my iPad that I watched. | ||
| Well, one is a Queen documentary that I watched. | ||
| And then there's one Richard Pryor. | ||
| But it's an old movie. | ||
| California Suite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
California Suite. | |
| And there's a scene you should watch with Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby that from the beginning to the end, it's like five... | ||
| Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And the scene is fucking great. | ||
| Their car breaks down. | ||
| They got their wives with him. | ||
| And from the beginning to the end, he's like, he slams the hood. | ||
| He says, didn't the man just say, don't slam the hood? | ||
| Not a bad Cosby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not good. | |
| It's right up there with Eugene Simmons. | ||
| Did the man just say nothing in the mood? | ||
| And he says, if you can find, I'm telling you, it's brilliant, not only just the writing of it, Timing. | ||
| It's timing and how they fucking, and I think the movie's okay, but I mean, you go back and you're watching, it's like, God damn, it's funny, but now the key's in the car. | ||
| Who locked the keys? | ||
| They go, I know, I didn't lock the keys in the car. | ||
| The guy said, now the keys are in the car. | ||
| Well, how are we going to get the keys? | ||
| And it just goes, and then all of a sudden you're driving, there's a big hole in the thing. | ||
| He's like, I'm not paying for the fucking, it's just, it's great for me. | ||
| You think you could find that one? | ||
| California Suite, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby. | ||
| How long is it? | ||
| Not long. | ||
| Why, you running out of time? | ||
| No. | ||
| You got dinner plans? | ||
| No, just... | ||
| I don't know if this is the right scene. | ||
| No, that's not the right one, yeah. | ||
| It's on the highway. | ||
| Put the highway. | ||
| But this is the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, what year was that? | |
| 78. 78. Yeah, highway one. | ||
| Although every scene they do together is great, but the highway one, for some reason, makes me laugh because it just starts right from the beginning. | ||
| It's not too long. | ||
| It's like two minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fine. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| It's like two minutes long. | ||
| It's not long. | ||
| But it's a great... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You look back and you think, God damn it, how funny they were. | ||
| Well, you also have to think, if it's 1978, right? | ||
| Like, how long have they been doing comedy movies? | ||
| Like, what was the first comedy movie? | ||
| Was it like... | ||
| Oh, you mean for them? | ||
| For anybody. | ||
| That's a great question. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Because if you think comedy movies, they really... | ||
| I mean, was it Laurel and Hardy? | ||
| Was it the Marx Brothers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What year do you think the Marx Brothers were? | ||
| I have all the Marx Brothers tapes. | ||
| I love the Marx Brothers, yeah. | ||
| That's what, 30s? | ||
| Yeah, 30s. | ||
| Buck Soup is 33. 33, yeah, dang. | ||
| So that is only like 45 years after kind of the earliest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Buster Keaton, I guess, was probably earlier than that, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Buster Keaton was wild because he did all his own stunts. | ||
| Michael, he was Batman, right? | ||
| That's Michael Keaton. | ||
| No, that's Michael Keaton. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| Buster Keaton. | ||
| I have a Michael Keaton story when I hear it. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This is great about this. | ||
| Honestly, so this is not a joke. | ||
| So I go to a U2 concert in Vegas, right? | ||
| And everyone, it's a stadium, right? | ||
| They put all these celebrities in this little fucking pit. | ||
| So everyone's screaming. | ||
| It was like Sigourney, all these people, it's weird. | ||
| It's like 20 years ago. | ||
| Everyone's like, character, right? | ||
| And I'm saying hi to everybody, and I look next to me, and it's Michael Keaton. | ||
| And he's not only baffled, but he just doesn't understand who I am, what the fuck, because, you know, everyone in Vegas is, character? | ||
| No idea. | ||
| So I'm a risk taker, right? | ||
| We're a young comic, and he looks over at me, and he says... | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| And I grabbed his shirt and said, I'm Batman. | ||
| No, he was not happy. | ||
| And the guy from R.E.M., Michael Stipe, fucking lost his shit. | ||
| He's like, God damn it, dude. | ||
| That was fucking great. | ||
| He said, you saw that? | ||
| I said, I don't think he was happy. | ||
| Fuck him, man. | ||
| I went, I'm Batman. | ||
| He set me up perfectly. | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| All right, this is a funny scene. | ||
| I think you're going to... | ||
| Just watch the beats. | ||
| 1978. This is such a great scene. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's just fine. | |
| Unless you're making a pot of tea, I think we're in big trouble. | ||
| I didn't build a car. | ||
| I just sold it. | ||
| I actually don't think we can play this whole thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Because of... | ||
| We're just waiting to... | ||
| Slam the HUD! I looked at the gauge more and I looked at the road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I ran off the road. | |
| I did not run off the gauge. | ||
| If you looked at the gauge, it wouldn't have overheated. | ||
| Looking at the gays real good, stops it from overheating? | ||
| No, but you've got to speak up. | ||
| You've got to say, hey, the gays says we're overheating. | ||
| This is not the kind of news that you keep to yourself. | ||
| No, I hate rental cars. | ||
| Why don't we just leave it here? | ||
| At least get to the hood part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate rental cars. | |
| Oh, God. | ||
| Did the man just say he didn't slam the hood? | ||
| What's the matter with the doors? | ||
| Didn't the man say not to slam the hood down? | ||
| Didn't the man say the doors sometimes lock when you slam the hood down? | ||
| Did the man say I would burn my hand? | ||
| The car's got the keys. | ||
| Why didn't you take the keys? | ||
| I only went from my seat to the hood. | ||
| I thought it would be safe. | ||
| If you're on this side, stand over there. | ||
| What fool closed the window? | ||
| That food closed the windows. | ||
| Even with my eyes on the gauge, I saw that food close the windows. | ||
| The air conditioning doesn't work with open windows. | ||
| Well, now the car doesn't work with closed windows, does it, food? | ||
| Smile, everybody! | ||
| We're in Los Angeles! | ||
| Different time I wonder I wonder I wonder to like you said that like With with movies and comedy and all that you have to really think it's like they were best friends Yeah, they were they just they wouldn't even like it was ad-lib was perfect It was a different time in about like what's funny and what's not to like things were funny people were more innocent then than they were now Well, remember Eddie Murphy's special when he said about Bill Cosby calling it, remember? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's working with the original potty mouth guy. | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, he's the guy he called. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's who Eddie Murphy called. | |
| No, he called and he said, did the people laugh? | ||
| Did you get paid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have a coconut smile and shut the fuck up. | |
| Well, it's funny because that's similar to Don Rickles telling you not to swear. | ||
| Yeah, it was really weird. | ||
| Well, people, like, Bill Cosby was a stickler for that, too. | ||
| People thought that there was, like, rules that everyone had to observe. | ||
| Because at one point in time, if you had to work, you really did have to observe those rules. | ||
| Like, you couldn't swear. | ||
| You know, when Don Rickles was telling you this, I mean, he's talking about, like, life in the 60s. | ||
| In the 50s, you know? | ||
| And I think he really didn't curse. | ||
| Yeah, I thought you were thinking the story was going to go where he went on an F-bomb rage after. | ||
| But no, he was serious. | ||
| And then he went on to this whole different thing that was so inappropriate. | ||
| Well, it's so weird that back then, swear words were so meaningful. | ||
| They had so much impact. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, today, it's just a commonplace thing for someone to say, fuck. | ||
| And most shows have swear words in them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially nowadays, right. | ||
| Even network television is kind of like... | ||
| Yeah, because of cable and because of the internet and Netflix and all that jazz. | ||
| But back then, if you wanted to work on television, you had to be fucking clean. | ||
| Do you remember in the 80s? | ||
| People would tell you, hey, you got to work clean. | ||
| Yeah, cruise ship clean, that kind of stuff. | ||
| It'll fuck up your act. | ||
|
unidentified
|
State fairs. | |
| Fuck up your career. | ||
| Yeah, and I used to do an hour shows in front of state fairs with kids of all ages. | ||
| It was a comedy club way back in the South when I worked. | ||
| I thought that was pretty funny. | ||
| The club owner said to me, I did the first night, and the next night I came in to set up, and he says, maybe you've heard this term, but he says, Could you maybe pull the fucks a bit? | ||
| I said, what do you mean? | ||
| Pull them. | ||
| Like, say, uh-huh. | ||
| But not, say, fuck, but don't, I'm not making, I said, what do you mean? | ||
| He's like, just like, pull them a little bit. | ||
| Just saying, fuck, just kind of like- The owner's telling you this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I remember thinking, how do you pull your fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here, like that. | |
| But some jokes you need, that's the whole joke where you say fuck, right? | ||
| You've got to say fuck, but it's not funny. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Not every joke needs a fuck, but there's some you've got to say fuck. | ||
| Yeah, like you lock your keys in the car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't say... | ||
| Well, didn't the man say not to slam the wood? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, you gotta say the word you mean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, this is Scott. | ||
| That was a good time, man. | ||
| I'm glad we got to meet. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Glad we got to hang out. | ||
| Yeah, thanks for listening to all my stupid shit. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| It was. | ||
| We went through five bottles of booze. | ||
| We had a good time. | ||
| A couple cigars, half a joint. | ||
| If people want to see you in Vegas, what's the best way they can buy tickets? | ||
| Probably Luxor, I think. | ||
| Or CarrotTop.com. | ||
| Okay, so you can buy tickets. | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| I've never... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| But yeah, Luxor, every night... | ||
| Every night except Sunday. | ||
| Oh, there we go. | ||
| Look at you, fella. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Your hair changes color sometimes. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Well, that's just, yeah. | ||
| I put some green and some purple and pink in there for the New Year's Eve. | ||
| Carrattop.com. | ||
| Yeah, Carrattop.com. | ||
| Buy Vegas tickets. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| So six nights a week, most weeks. | ||
| Yeah, we take off a little bit here and there, but we're there for most of the year. | ||
| And if someone wants to see you when you're on the road, all that schedule's up on Carrattop. | ||
| Yeah, we'll be on there as well. | ||
| Yeah, we're going to be in a whole bunch of places coming up. | ||
| Okay, so Carrot Top.com and then Instagram. | ||
| Are you on Twitter, too? | ||
| Yep, Twitter. | ||
| Twitter. | ||
| Carrot Top. | ||
| Carrot Top. | ||
| I think they're all Carrot Top, I think. | ||
| Well, thanks, brother. | ||
| Thank you, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was very, very good to meet you. | |
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| It was. |
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