Dec. 29, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:06:40
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| You're going to try to do the hat and the earphones? | ||
| How are you going to work this? | ||
| Because it's bad now. | ||
| See, it's Christmas. | ||
| I can't go get a haircut. | ||
| All of this, I got the shadow. | ||
| All you need is a mirror when you're doing your hair. | ||
| I cut my own hair. | ||
| So you go somewhere and get your head shaved? | ||
| I go somewhere, yeah. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess it's just the... | ||
| Walking in, hey, what's up, Tom? | ||
| How you been, man? | ||
| Where's your next show at? | ||
| Social. | ||
| Yeah, it's that. | ||
| It's a social thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm anti-social in that way. | ||
| I just rather shave my own head. | ||
| So you really know Joe Rogan? | ||
| Hey, what? | ||
| You do all of that. | ||
| Well, that is the good thing about barbershops, the male beauty salon. | ||
| Dudes get to hang out and be dudes. | ||
| When did you start shaving your head? | ||
| It was a slow progression, because I would say, yo, just even it out with where it's fading away in the little sunroof back there. | ||
| And then after a while, my man said, yo. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| It's over, man. | ||
| Just rock a ball here. | ||
| Make it be like Damon Wayans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to be like Damon Wayans. | ||
| You want to be like Tony Woods. | ||
| Yeah, and then cut it all off, I guess. | ||
| Well, it's just part of being old, my friend. | ||
| We have to embrace it. | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| I'm 58. I'm 54. Jiminy Crickets. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| It creeps up on you. | ||
| And I remember the last show that we did. | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| It was in the Bronx. | ||
| It was at a college, right? | ||
| And whenever somebody's ripping, I just... | ||
| Because I don't want to watch and it get in my head, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And some comedians think, oh, you didn't see my set. | ||
| I don't want to watch your set, dog. | ||
| And you up there, you like... | ||
| You were doing something about girls who sound like a cockatoo. | ||
| Oh, you know, it was girls with crazy big hair. | ||
| And you was like... | ||
| And they were screaming. | ||
| I'm like, I gotta go outside. | ||
| I don't know what he's talking about, but I gotta go outside. | ||
| The Bronx, huh? | ||
| A college in the Bronx? | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
| Man, I don't even remember that. | ||
| If somebody asked me, did you ever do a college in the Bronx? | ||
| I'd be like, nah. | ||
| Yeah, it was right on the one and the nine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's me, you, um... | ||
| I can't remember, but I just remember you like, and you going back and forth like, and they were screaming like, okay, I don't know what that joke is. | ||
| Gotta get out of here. | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| I gotta get out of there if someone's bombing too. | ||
| I can't watch that. | ||
| Yeah, that is, yeah. | ||
| That fucks with my head because then I think nothing's funny. | ||
| But I guess because I done got, been in the game, I can bomb gracefully. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like my engines go out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He can glide in. | ||
| Yeah, he can glide in. | ||
| And that'll mess up the next guy. | ||
| Because the next guy come and go... | ||
| What'd you do to the room, man? | ||
| I peed on the floor, shorty. | ||
| There's some bombings, though, where it's the crowd. | ||
| Like, the crowd is just whatever it is. | ||
| There's no energy in the room. | ||
| But there's some bombings. | ||
| It's the comedian. | ||
| And when it's the comedian, I gotta get out of there. | ||
| If it's the crowd, I'm like, I want to go up there and wake him up. | ||
| But if it's the comedian, there's something in my head that's like nothing is funny. | ||
| Like, I can't watch someone as terrible. | ||
| Because some guys, I call it like a technician. | ||
| Like, this is the formula, this is how you do it. | ||
| And like, dude, obviously, that's not working tonight, right? | ||
| Yeah, do a little crowd work, do this, do that. | ||
| Mix it up. | ||
| Mix it up, man, because they're not known. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, don't you think that's the beauty of doing a bunch of different places, like doing the road a little bit in Pennsylvania, you do a gig in Florida, you do a little of this, do a little of that, and the more you do that. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Like, back in the day when we were in New York, I used to go, I used to say, I'm going to the Caribbean, so I'd go out to Brooklyn. | ||
| You know, mostly Caribbean crowds, and then you do the downtown. | ||
| Like, remember the place we used to do, I think Ludlow or something? | ||
| It was like alternative comedy. | ||
| Where was that? | ||
| It was someplace, like Todd Berry used to just rip in there. | ||
| You know, like, they wanted it real subtle and real soft. | ||
| Yeah, real soft, and I would go, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy with the laughs. | ||
| It's alternative comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that funny? | |
| They got mad if you tried hard. | ||
| If you just smash it. | ||
| They didn't like it. | ||
| Stop with the cockatoo, baby. | ||
| Cut it out. | ||
| That's a thing. | ||
| That's a thing. | ||
| They wanted you to slow down. | ||
| It's almost like they didn't want to race. | ||
| They wanted to fast walk. | ||
| We're just fast walking, Tony. | ||
| Don't be jogging. | ||
| And when we did that thing in the Bronx, it was mainly Latino Puerto Rican crowd. | ||
| And they wanted loud. | ||
| And you was kicking it. | ||
| You was parading back and forth. | ||
| That's when you looked like Tony Dancer from Taxi. | ||
| You was killing it. | ||
| Back in the day, without a full head of hair and everything. | ||
| Yeah, you was... | ||
| Tony Danza, there's a reference. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| The one from Taxi, not the one from Who's the Boss. | ||
| Oh, the different one. | ||
| When I first saw you, that's who you reminded me of. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| But now, dawg, you're like the young, what's his name? | ||
| What's the dude's name? | ||
| He's the old, biggest, best guy at it. | ||
| Larry King. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He's dead. | ||
| He's not just old. | ||
| Larry King's dead. | ||
| My bad. | ||
| I think COVID got him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that what happened to him? | ||
| Did COVID get him? | ||
| Well, he was... | ||
| Life was getting him. | ||
| I mean, last time I saw Larry, he was like a skeleton. | ||
| He was hunched over. | ||
| His posture was terrible. | ||
| It was like he was, you know... | ||
| Wasn't in the best of health. | ||
| Very nice guy. | ||
| And I'm going to tell you something, man. | ||
| For years, like randomly, people go, yo, they were talking about you on the Joe Rogan Show. | ||
| And I'm like, what's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because I'm just kind of not in the loop. | |
| Right. | ||
| So I started my own podcast. | ||
| It's called The Lonely Ass Bike Club. | ||
| I just ride my bike, put my phone on there, I go on FaceTime, I mean Facebook Live, and I just talk. | ||
| While you're riding your bike? | ||
| While I'm riding my bike, I just talk about stuff. | ||
| That's a cool idea. | ||
| You see my face, and whatever's on my mind just pops up. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| And I've been doing that. | ||
| Well, for about two or three years. | ||
| But I also have a podcast. | ||
| We had a group. | ||
| And it was called First Episode Again with Tony Woods. | ||
| So I was like, if things ain't going right, don't worry. | ||
| It's the first episode. | ||
| We got this, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I had a woman, Maya. | ||
| I had a guy who's a lawyer. | ||
| Another guy who's like... | ||
| His name is Chavis. | ||
| So he's like... | ||
| As if we were on a bus, he's a guy in the back, and you're talking about something interesting, and then he'll scream out, oh, that's because of Global Woman, motherfucker! | ||
| You know he may be right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He just has a... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's him and... | ||
| And we were doing... | ||
| It was going good. | ||
| I think the main guy got tired. | ||
| Yeah, just got tired of doing it? | ||
| Yeah, because it became a job. | ||
| Like, oh, remember, we got to meet at this time. | ||
| Like, ah! | ||
| Yeah, but that's the thing that fucks comics up more than anything is the consistency. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Consistency of, you know, doing shows and just showing up. | ||
| No one ever complains at the Lonely Ass Bike Club Chronicles podcast. | ||
| Because it's just you. | ||
| It's just me. | ||
| Nobody ever says, you late again. | ||
| Nobody ever says that. | ||
| Nobody ever says, slow down, you're riding too fast. | ||
| When you have a group of people, like a couple people together, and they start doing a podcast, there's always one person who wants to do it more than the other person. | ||
| One person who has a vision, and the other person's like, man, I don't want to do it today. | ||
| I think it was Maya. | ||
| Big shout out to Maya. | ||
| She had a big... | ||
| Not Maya the girl, you know, but Maya who was on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, got it. | |
| Because she would have notes, and then she would say, did you watch it? | ||
| Did you watch it? | ||
| The one we did yesterday, I'm like... | ||
| Oh, she wants to review them. | ||
| I'm like, I don't watch my own comedy. | ||
| I don't watch my own podcasts. | ||
| I can't watch my... | ||
| I'm like, when I hear my own voice, I'm like, oh, is he drunk or something? | ||
| This guy is on drugs, man. | ||
| That's one thing that comedians have in common is that we all hate our own voice. | ||
| We all hate watching ourselves. | ||
| And then people see me sometimes in the grocery store and I think they think they're making me feel good. | ||
| They go, oh man, you really talk like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like you drunk or kind of stupid. | |
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you, motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, we all listen to ourselves, though. | ||
| When you listen to your own special, you're just like, because you know all this shit. | ||
| You know what you're going to say, so you heard it already. | ||
| So it's not surprising. | ||
| So it's just boring. | ||
| You're like, oh, this isn't good. | ||
| And you really hate when you leave something out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You're like, I was supposed to say this. | ||
| But everybody's like, oh, it's good. | ||
| No, fuck that. | ||
| I was supposed to say that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The worst is when you record something and then you keep doing the bit because the special hasn't come out yet. | ||
| And then you make up new taglines. | ||
| You're like, ah! | ||
| They want to go back and redo the bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got something coming out soon, right? | ||
| I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't you? | |
| Don't you? | ||
| I do, yeah. | ||
| Don't you have a special coming out? | ||
| When is it? | ||
| I don't know yet. | ||
| You don't know? | ||
| We're still looking for a venue. | ||
| So, because I don't want to do it like in a blah, blah, a big grandiose place. | ||
| Do it at a comedy club? | ||
| Yeah, and I just did a comedy club in Wilmington, North Carolina. | ||
| It's called The Dead Crow. | ||
| Right, which, yeah, you don't even think that's a comedy cover. | ||
| They redid it. | ||
| You ever been there before? | ||
| No, but I mean like The Laughing Skull's a great place and that's got a fucked up name too. | ||
| And I like the one in Denver. | ||
| Comedy Works? | ||
| Yeah, the one with the oxygen pumped in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| There's oxygen? | ||
| I feel like a casino when I'm in there. | ||
| Which place is that? | ||
| It's the one downtown. | ||
| Yeah, that has oxygen pumped into it? | ||
| Have you ever had a bad set there? | ||
| It's a good place. | ||
| I think it's just got good vibes. | ||
| And everybody's having a ball. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But they're all accustomed to that air. | ||
| I don't know, dawg. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think it's like a casino? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Because I feel like, double down! | ||
| Let's keep it moving, man. | ||
| Because you know when you're in a casino, how long have you been there? | ||
| About 20 minutes. | ||
| Well, it's 4am. | ||
| My bad. | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| Do you think they really do pump oxygen into casinos? | ||
| Okay, don't say that I said it. | ||
| No, but I've heard it. | ||
| I've heard it. | ||
| I've heard people say it. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| Do they pump oxygen into casinos? | ||
| Oh, into casinos? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Do they definitely do, 100%? | ||
| It doesn't seek out because there ain't no windows. | ||
| Well, I know they have air filtration because everybody's smoking, but you don't see smoke everywhere. | ||
| So there must be some movement of the air. | ||
| Well, what about comedy works? | ||
| I don't think they're pumping oxygen in there. | ||
| I just think it's a great room. | ||
| I'm sure you've heard the myth that oxygen is pumped into casinos to give people more energy and keep them awake. | ||
| This is, in fact, the enduring Las Vegas myth of all time. | ||
| There's no doubt that the casinos keep the air chilly to give that same effect, but there's no mechanism actually pumping extra oxygen into the system. | ||
| Well, now we know. | ||
| And when I got the jackpot, when I did the cellar in Vegas the last time, and I hit the jackpot by accident, I won five Gs. | ||
| And guess what? | ||
| The woman who just popped up, who thought I was such an interesting person, was not a hooker. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oxygen. | |
| She just happened to pump over. | ||
| I just saw you sitting here and I just thought you were such an interesting person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| You smell that oxygen, baby? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. | |
| That's Tony Woods and that's how he really talks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the real thing is I had a speech impediment as a child. | ||
| And they just said, you know, because they get excited. | ||
| Yeah, nothing was coming out. | ||
| They just said, just think about it and sing it out. | ||
| Yeah, so I said... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe! | |
| But you get older and stuff. | ||
| And my middle son, he had that too. | ||
| He hated it because everybody loved the way he talked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was like, can I? Go to McDonald's? | |
| So he would just say it out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But by then, we passed McDonald's. | |
| So it wasn't a stutter, it was just like a pause? | ||
| A pause. | ||
| Your brain is working faster than your mouth. | ||
| Isn't it funny that that actually helps in comedy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That pause, that sort of embodied your style. | ||
| As a matter of fact, I heard a comedian complain about it one time. | ||
| He complained about your style? | ||
| He said, look at him. | ||
| He's killing. | ||
| And he only went, eh. | ||
| Because, you know, sometimes we go... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's killing, and all he said was... | ||
| That's hilarious that someone would complain that you're doing so great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With a slow style, slow, easy-going style. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So good. | ||
| You influenced a lot of guys, man. | ||
| You really did. | ||
| You influenced a lot of guys. | ||
| I remember watching you, and there's certain... | ||
| I remember always being awkward. | ||
| I always felt awkward on stage. | ||
| I had to get the jokes out quick. | ||
| Like, God, I want a bomb. | ||
| Get the jokes out quick. | ||
| You pace the stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I remember watching you. | ||
| I'm like, God, he's so calm and casual up there. | ||
| You remember you woke me up one time? | ||
| I woke you up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember I used to sleep in the back of the Boston Comedy Club. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| And somebody would go, hey, tell Tony he's next. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you'd be like, hey, man, you next. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were sleeping? | |
| I'm sleeping. | ||
| When they call my name, I'll wake up, man. | ||
| You wake up right before you go on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That little corner back there, the Boston Comic Club. | ||
| I was always tired, man. | ||
| I think I have PS2. Something's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's PS2? It's what you get when you go to the military. | |
| What is it? | ||
| It's not PlayStation. | ||
| It's more serious than that. | ||
| Because when you guys met me, I was just getting back from the dessert. | ||
| So, and I don't know, I'm just always tired. | ||
| I thought I had narcolepsy, but I would, you know, if I was driving and the music wasn't on or the window wasn't down, I hit gravel. | ||
| So were you in Desert Storm? | ||
| Yeah, the first one, the Gulf War. | ||
| So there are a lot of people in that war, they had that Gulf War syndrome. | ||
| Yeah, and they all go... | ||
| No, I ain't gone. | ||
| I don't know what I got. | ||
| I just... | ||
| But you came back and you were more tired? | ||
| Yeah, but I used to be like super energetic. | ||
| Like if you watch my old... | ||
| But I slept more too and stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I don't know! | ||
| But you remember, uh, what's his name? | ||
| Uh, Jeff? | ||
| Jeff Ross? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he passed away. | ||
| Hey, Tony. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, good to see you again, Tony. | |
| Oh, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| Vic Henley. | ||
| It's me, Vic Henley, and a little guy. | ||
| I forgot his name, Chris something, but he was a little guy. | ||
| And we were doing Birmingham, Alabama. | ||
| And I was a feature. | ||
| And the lady says, Tony, you got an emergency phone call in the office? | ||
| And I'm like, you know, I'm thinking, is it my mom? | ||
| Is it my ex-wife? | ||
| You know, something. | ||
| She says, he's a man. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| I just figured it was one of my buddies who wanted to come to the show for free or something like that. | ||
| I did my spot. | ||
| You know, you do 20 minutes in the middle. | ||
| I think maybe 30 or 40. I didn't see the light. | ||
| And then I come off. | ||
| Vic does an hour. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| We're about to go out and get something to eat. | ||
| And she says, Tony, they're still holding for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I went and picked up the phone. | ||
| I'm like, hello? | ||
| He goes, Petty Officer Woods. | ||
| I'm like, let me go get him. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| He goes, I know that's you, Woods. | ||
| So he had to contact me. | ||
| So once he contacted me, I had to go. | ||
| I was supposed to go from there to Key West. | ||
| So that phone call, the hold, was just to get you to go overseas? | ||
| Yeah, that's called being activated. | ||
| Oh, so they had to just wait. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a phone call to activate you. | ||
| So if you just don't answer the phone, you never get activated? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Yeah, I know! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, man! | |
| I know! | ||
| I mean, they would have got me eventually, but it would have been nice to get me after Key West. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, because we're doing Ocala, Florida, then Fort Myers, and then Key West. | ||
| I've never been to Key West, but I hear it's amazing. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's nice, but it's like no beach. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I mean, if you stay at a hotel or something, they might have their own little private beach. | ||
| Back in the day when I was stationed down there, it was, you know, beaches everywhere, but the place wasn't as full as it is now. | ||
| It kind of smells kind of Newark-ish. | ||
| Newark-ish? | ||
| Yeah, because it's too many people. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Like, with the sewage and stuff like that. | ||
| So the sewage is going into the ocean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On one side of the island, it's like, mmm. | ||
| How weird is that, that we just dump our sewage right into the ocean? | ||
| But the other little islands, the best thing is the drive. | ||
| Like you leave from Miami or Fort Lauderdale or something like that, get a car and just cruise down and just stop at little seafood shacks and stuff and have what will cost $200 at a regular restaurant. | ||
| You're hitting it. | ||
| It's a three-hour drive, two-lane highway, and you can stop, go fishing, go swimming, do whatever. | ||
| It's just dope. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| I keep hearing great things about it. | ||
| You hear the people down there. | ||
| It's basically not America. | ||
| It's like they're island living. | ||
| Relaxed. | ||
| Bahama village. | ||
| And they have a Caribbean accent and everything. | ||
| It's like driving to the Caribbean, no lie. | ||
| You have a good time, you go down there. | ||
| Whereas Key West would be, bang, New York City. | ||
| But all the little sleepy ones on the way are dope. | ||
| So is Key West crowded now? | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of crowded. | ||
| I was down there in the summer. | ||
| Because everybody knows about it? | ||
| As a matter of fact, the last time I was down there, I saw a place and they had temporary tattoos. | ||
| I'm like, ah, that'd be nice. | ||
| Get a temporary tattoo, right? | ||
| And then I see this little girl. | ||
| She's getting like a unicorn or something on her face. | ||
| And boom, who do I see? | ||
| Iron Mike. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tyson? | |
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, yo, give me the Mike Tyson one. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| And she said, do you want temporary or henna? | ||
| I'm like, of course, temporary. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| The temporary is temporary is tattoo ink. | ||
| Whereas the henna will go away in like two days. | ||
| I had that shit on for a week and a half. | ||
| I went to my class reunion with it. | ||
| I'm sure it's here. | ||
| But it was cool. | ||
| It was a conversation piece. | ||
| And just like him, I got used to it. | ||
| And then it was like, yeah. | ||
| And then it faded away on me, son. | ||
| But I went to my class reunion. | ||
| My high school class reunion was back in October. | ||
| A buddy of mine called me. | ||
| He says, you're coming to the reunion this year. | ||
| I'm like, if I'm in town, I'll come. | ||
| He says, but you know, you're going to come to the 40th one? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, when it come up. | ||
| He goes, this is the 40th one. | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| I'm like, we just did the 21. Right? | ||
| And I graduated in 81. Isn't that crazy when you do the math? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| What happened, Tony? | ||
| When you see Mike Tyson in person, you don't even notice that tattoo. | ||
| That's what's weird. | ||
| No, I don't, man. | ||
| You have to think about it. | ||
| I saw his... | ||
| He's the first one I watched, man. | ||
| And it was so good. | ||
| And like... | ||
| You know how people assume that he's not, but I'm like, that dude, the way he fights, he's gotta be smart. | ||
| And then, when he did comedy, his comedy special was better than a lot of Comedians. | ||
| Oh, you mean that one-hour thing that he did where he talked about his life? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He did like a live show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, he's very smart. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Mike's very smart. | ||
| He's just, you know, he's a professional boxer. | ||
| And he's had a crazy-ass life. | ||
| But you have to be intelligent to be able to perform under pressure the way he did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to be able to manage that. | ||
| People think that, you know, that that's not hard to do. | ||
| That's insanely hard to do. | ||
| And he's managing movement and speed and technique and he's doing it all against the best boxers in the world at this time. | ||
| And everybody was way bigger than him. | ||
| Way bigger. | ||
| I mean, Mike is only like an inch taller than me. | ||
| I saw him in there. | ||
| Yeah, he's not that tall. | ||
| Maybe two inches taller than me. | ||
| He might be like 5'10". | ||
| As wide as a fucking building. | ||
| But when he was in his prime, the beautiful thing about that was that he would bob and weave and duck under shit. | ||
| Like, people would be throwing punches and he was nowhere near them. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| I like when he said, uh, that was good comedy timing when you said, yo, man, I saw this amazing video, you did this, you did that, you did that. | ||
| Yeah, man, I was fucked up for a week after that. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, that's me. | ||
| Because people say, man, I saw you on Facebook riding your bike. | ||
| He said, you really did like 100 miles. | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| I was fucked up for the next week. | ||
| I had sciatica and all this other... | ||
| Well, you were talking to me about how you had your bike fitted to you. | ||
| I didn't know that you get bikes fitted. | ||
| Yeah, well, I used to be a bike messenger, all that stuff. | ||
| I always got crossbars and stuff like that, and I just never thought about it. | ||
| Because when you're a bike messenger, you stop and go and stop and go all day long. | ||
| But I was riding, and I bought this bike in Dubai when I was over in Dubai. | ||
| And the bikes are way cheaper because America marked them up 300%. | ||
| So I got this really nice road bike. | ||
| Did you have to ship it over here? | ||
| Yeah, I shipped it over. | ||
| But, you know, it came like golf clubs or something. | ||
| You don't have to pay for it, you know. | ||
| So I'm riding, and this other guy, who's obviously a bicyclist, he goes, because I'm doing like this, he goes, hey, man, that's a nice bike. | ||
| You need to get it fitted. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| I'm like, this is my height. | ||
| I know what my... | ||
| He says, no, you need to get it fitted. | ||
| And then he was showing me. | ||
| He's like, you go get it fitted. | ||
| I'm like, how much does that cost? | ||
| He said, between $2 and $4, it depends on where you go. | ||
| I'm like, $2 and $400 for somebody to tell me to adjust. | ||
| But like she was saying out there, it's really intense. | ||
| You're up on a machine and they're doing this and everything. | ||
| The pedal stroke... | ||
| Like, if your things on your pedals are not long enough, they'll either lengthen them or shorten them. | ||
| So it's like a nice suit to wear. | ||
| Because you see them guys like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Them guys who ride in the park and go, on your left. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You could have went around me. | ||
| You just had to announce that he's right there. | ||
| On your left. | ||
| Like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Professionals. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Dudes are really into it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it made a big difference though when they fitted it for you? | ||
| No. | ||
| But I was already hurting. | ||
| The guy who did the fitting, he says, bicycling is not supposed to hurt. | ||
| You should go to the doctor. | ||
| And I was like, I want to go. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| I didn't say that. | ||
| So were you getting sciatica? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So come to find out from the accident, remember Angelo Lozada, rest in peace. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Angelo Lozada, Eric Nieves. | ||
| We did a show in Jersey one night. | ||
| It was like 2001, something like that. | ||
| And, you know, I'm in the backseat and we're driving and they're speaking Spanish in the front. | ||
| They're not arguing, but it's getting faster and faster and faster. | ||
| They're just speaking. | ||
| And these girls are supposed to be following us. | ||
| We run like two or three red lights. | ||
| I'm like, yo, we all been drinking. | ||
| We're in Jersey. | ||
| Come on, you know, watch yourself. | ||
| Next thing I know, I'm like... | ||
| Because I'm hitting the ceiling. | ||
| Because we're on the sidewalk, baby. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Hey, Eric Neves. | ||
| Yeah, that's because I've been fucking with him for 20 years. | ||
| But every... | ||
| Because this sciatica thing, this whiplash thing, is like cicadas. | ||
| You've been injured before, and sometimes it's just nice and smooth, man. | ||
| You could get flipped off a chair or something like that, boom, nothing. | ||
| And then one day, you reach for a pin. | ||
| That shit goes, ah! | ||
| Cicadas are back, motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know people eat cicadas? | ||
| I know. | ||
| A lot of people eat them. | ||
| They have recipes for them online. | ||
| I went down a rabbit hole on YouTube and I started looking at people cooking cicadas. | ||
| They cook them in the oven. | ||
| They had all these teriyaki mixes. | ||
| It would brine them and cover them in salt and bake them. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| They seem to be delicious. | ||
| I've eaten... | ||
| Grasshoppers? | ||
| The chocolate-covered ants. | ||
| I've had that. | ||
| But we did Okinawa one time, and we did... | ||
| Me and Shang Forbes and Reggie McFadden, and I forgot who else. | ||
| But they had street food on the... | ||
| You know, you... | ||
| This is delicious. | ||
| And in your mouth, you just feel a shape. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I spit it out, and it was like... | ||
| The side of a mouse, like, long ways. | ||
| It was, you know, like, if he's like this, it's just his, like, he had been cut there in the middle, I went, ah! | ||
| Is he eating mice? | ||
| And I said something to the lady, she's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You asked for the fucking mix, right? | ||
| That's the mix! | ||
| That's the mix, bitch! | ||
| That's the mix! | ||
| Chicken, beef, mouse, and... | ||
| Uh-oh, dog was in there too. | ||
| I'm opposed to that. | ||
| I'll eat a cat, but I won't eat a dog. | ||
| Wait, you know how you go over there and you sit at the little things Indian style and you eat the street food and they just give you a whole bunch of samples and stuff? | ||
| That was the mix. | ||
| That was another time. | ||
| I was eating it and I'm like, this is good. | ||
| What is this one right here? | ||
| And then she said something to the, what's it called? | ||
| Liaison. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| And he go, do you have a pet? | ||
| And I said, okay, I'm not going to eat no more of that. | ||
| I don't even want to fucking know. | ||
| I don't want to know. | ||
| I don't want to eat no more. | ||
| Stop the conversation. | ||
| Stop the conversation. | ||
| But I didn't get sick that time because that shit was delicious. | ||
| It was just filling a fucking mouse in my mouth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's rough. | |
| I keep telling people how funny Reggie McFadden was. | ||
| He still is. | ||
| I haven't seen him in forever. | ||
| I watched the Discovery Channel. | ||
| What's he doing? | ||
| Selling jewels, I guess. | ||
| He was on the Discovery Channel selling jewels? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| But his stand-up in the 90s? | ||
| It was some people, and they're looking to buy some kind of jewels, not diamonds, but whatever they're selling in wherever this part of Africa he is, right? | ||
| Oh, like in the ground. | ||
| Right, and the guy's got the camera. | ||
| He's got the camera here. | ||
| The guy who's, he said, I can take you. | ||
| And the guy says, you speak English? | ||
| He said, I speak English very well, probably better than you. | ||
| And we all know Reggie has perfect diction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that was Reggie? | ||
| Then they show him like, I'm like, yo! | ||
| And then Reggie go, is that a camera? | ||
| Like that. | ||
| And they just kind of, I'm like, yo! | ||
| So it was Reggie McFadden selling jewels in Africa. | ||
| That's where he's at? | ||
| Yeah, he's in, I don't know if it's Tanzania or something. | ||
| But I saw him. | ||
| I hit him on Facebook right now. | ||
| He hit you back. | ||
| Is he doing stand-up? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess, you know... | ||
| But isn't that shocking? | ||
| You remember how good he was in the 90s? | ||
| That motherfucker was a monster. | ||
| Oh my God, what he did... | ||
| Because he's like, the people go, I didn't use a condom because she looked like she was cool. | ||
| That was his joke. | ||
| She looked like she was cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the girl said, stick it in. | |
| And he goes, it's dry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had to see it live, right? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And I like this other, what's the other one? | ||
| Where he would drop the girl off in a rough neighborhood. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He go, he go, all right, baby, you be cool, all right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, hey, hey, y'all leave her. | |
| Hey, come back. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| Leave her. | ||
| She's not. | ||
| Remember the bit he did about the pretty girl always has an ugly friend that's trying to break into the house and stop you from making out with her? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| But he would do the whole thing. | ||
| He would come crashing through the window. | ||
| He would leap through the stage. | ||
| He was so physical on stage. | ||
| And Reggie's a big dude, man. | ||
| Big dude. | ||
| He was funny as fuck. | ||
| I saw him at the Champagne Comedy Club in Mount Vernon. | ||
| Mount Vernon, New York. | ||
| And it was a club that I couldn't work out because you had to be squeaky clean. | ||
| So I was with my friend John Tobin. | ||
| John Tobin opened for Reggie, and I remember watching Reggie and thinking, like, this motherfucker's gonna be the biggest star in the world. | ||
| He was getting murdered. | ||
| I mean, thunderous, thunderous laughter. | ||
| They remember he was on a Dr. Pepper commercial? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't remember that. | |
| That was way back. | ||
| That was, like, for a comedian to get something like that. | ||
| He'd say, you know, I'm a pepper, you're a pepper. | ||
| Wouldn't you like to be a pepper, too? | ||
| He didn't have a part. | ||
| He was just like... | ||
| But everybody's like, yo, look where's your big face! | ||
| It's my man. | ||
| Him and Warren and everybody, yeah. | ||
| It was a great time. | ||
| That time in the 90s in New York. | ||
| Such an interesting time, because so many good comics were there. | ||
| That's why I first saw Chappelle. | ||
| He was 19. I first saw him at Catch Rising Star. | ||
| See, that's when I was gone. | ||
| I was doing my duty, whatever. | ||
| And like... | ||
| Warren Hutchison and Dave, they all came up to New York. | ||
| As a matter of fact, someone just did a documentary. | ||
| They did a documentary. | ||
| It's a sizzle. | ||
| I'll let you see it. | ||
| Send it to Jamie. | ||
| Can you airdrop it? | ||
| Yeah, they got the love scene with me and Wanda. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Yeah, you gotta see it now. | ||
| It's just a whole bunch of little clips of all the comedians back in the day from D.C. Here it is. | ||
| Wanda came from D.C. too? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
| How do I send this to you? | ||
| Do you got AirDrop? | ||
| Yeah, I got it. | ||
| Do you see Jamie Vernon? | ||
| Do you see that? | ||
| Yeah, it'll say like MacBook Pro or something like that. | ||
| There's an iPhone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| That might be me. | ||
| And it's Dave, it's Tommy Davidson, it's the fat doctor, you know, Louis Black. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| What was the girl's name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Louis Black came from D.C.? Yeah, Patton Oswalt. | |
| Patton came from D.C. too. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| As a matter of fact, the last show I did before I went to the Gulf War was me, Patton Oswalt, and a guy named Roger Mercer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to call him Patton Boggs. | ||
| Because... | ||
| Did everybody... | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Good. | ||
| You used to call him that. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I was a bike messenger and there's a big law firm called Patton Boggs. | ||
| So I always called him Patton Boggs. | ||
| It's like just nobody knew but him and me. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Rise of stand-up comedy in Washington, D.C. Now, where was everybody out of? | ||
| Were they out of the improv? | ||
| No, back then it was the Comedy Cafe, which had the Archie Ball Strip Club on the bottom floor. | ||
| Give me some volume change. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When I was a comedian starting out in Washington, D.C., this brother, you know, started out in the D.C. area. | |
| Coming to the stage from my hometown, the nation's capital. | ||
| D.C. is the mecca for stand-up comedy, because if you're good, you're good in this town. | ||
| Oprah Winfrey started that weight loss mess. | ||
| Remember what she kept on saying? | ||
| If she didn't lose weight, the old man was going to leave her? | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| $80 million? | ||
| He ain't going no down. | ||
| If D.C. being the mecca of comedy is a phrase coined by the great Andy Evans, then it must be so. | ||
| The volumes of solid acts that we've turned out over the years. | ||
| Black woman won't get mad at you for three months because she'll starve. | ||
| There's just a central information stream here in D.C. that's not like a city. | ||
| Black folks in D.C. are just straight up funny. | ||
| Oh my god, look! | ||
| So many people who are big names now are from out of this area. | ||
| We had to have that image for the dog drones of other things that were being shot at us, because that helped people with girls too, you know? | ||
| Caucasians ran comedy. | ||
| You had to be better to excel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said a brother with 400 million can't keep a bitch. | |
| A brother with $100 ain't got a suck! | ||
| Dave Chappelle, Martin, Wanda Sykes, we were all really young. | ||
| We got in Garvin's, we got in the Comedy Cafe, and we performed. | ||
| B.C. being the mecca of comedy is self-explanatory. | ||
| I was just in the men's bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know which one of you gentlemen used it. | |
| I'm no doctor, but you got around three months' luck. | ||
| All the biggest stars. | ||
| I'm married to a white French woman, and I have two white kids. | ||
| Fucked up my legacy. | ||
| Raw. | ||
| What's the deal, Pickles? | ||
| Is everything kosher? | ||
| All around funny cats, man. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And you always know who gonna die first. | ||
| The Virgo. | ||
| That's the good thing about us, maybe, because we live a white-collar, blue-collar life simultaneously. | ||
| We come up knowing the principles of comedy, like what really makes you funny, not just one joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you're here for a comedy show, you could walk up on a show that might have a couple people you heard of. | |
| If you took all the comedians Out of D.C., there'd be a dent in the industry. | ||
| All these great talents in D.C., you know, what's in the water here? | ||
| here. | ||
| What happens that you can create a Tommy Davidson, Dave Chappelle, Chris Paul, Huggy Lowdown? | ||
| You fuck around, don't have fun today, be in the morning, wake up in front of God, they be like, should have had fun last night, nigga. | ||
| I'm New Yorkers, the mecca of basketball. | ||
| You know, we feel like we're the mecca of comedy. | ||
| A ton of, like, live albums will be recorded here. | ||
| If you were dark-skinned, people just start joaning on you. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| And I use my wit as a defense mechanism to push them back. | ||
| D.C. comedy is amazing because it comes on so many different levels. | ||
| We just breed funny people and I don't know if it's there, there's so many of us there. | ||
| D.C. always had, to me, the roughest crowds. | ||
| Either they gonna love you or you gotta go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
D.C. area has the most educated concentration of African Americans in the country. | |
| The DC Comics tend to be smart comedians. | ||
| That was one of the things I always aspired to be. | ||
| I can name ten famous comedians, legendary comedians from this area, but they all got different styles. | ||
| We have a great city in Washington. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We never get credit. | |
| We get blamed for all the politicians, but we never get credit for the great talent that comes out of here. | ||
| If there's a battle, we're in the finals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The same way people say New Orleans is the home of jazz, I say D.C. is the home for stand-up comics. | |
| So is this out? | ||
| The mecca of comedy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The rise of stand-up comedy in Washington D.C.? That's just the sizzle that the guy, his name is Parrish. | |
| Right, but is it completed? | ||
| Is the film out now? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I did my interview. | ||
| How long ago was that? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Tony. | ||
| Man, I don't know. | ||
| It was in the summer. | ||
| I did it, yeah. | ||
| The sizzle is dope. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Well, it's undeniable that D.C.'s produced a lot of fucking talent. | ||
| Some amazing talent that's come out of that one area. | ||
| How many clubs are in the D.C. area? | ||
| Now, it's the Draft House. | ||
| They have the Arlington Draft House, the D.C. Draft House. | ||
| They have the D.C. Improv. | ||
| They have the Comedy Loft, which looks like the cellar. | ||
| And it's got like two levels. | ||
| So that's cool. | ||
| And then there's Comedy Nights everywhere. | ||
| And then up in Baltimore, you have Magoobies, and you have the Comedy Factory. | ||
| And all in between, there's Comedy Nights all over the place. | ||
| So there's just like a whole scene. | ||
| It always was. | ||
| It just kind of fizzled a little bit. | ||
| And I think it's just resurgent with Netflix and stuff like that. | ||
| People go, I want to see that joke alive. | ||
| And I think the internet guys got The audience re-interested in us. | ||
| Because the internet guys, everybody loved to go see them, and then they say, wow, that's all you got? | ||
| Because they don't realize when they see a little funny skit that lasts 15 seconds, then they go pay their money to go see this guy, and that's all he got. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 15 seconds. | ||
| So people go, well, I want to see some comedy comedy. | ||
| So bang. | ||
| So I think they got re-interested in it. | ||
| They're doing a lot of that now at some of these improvs where they have like a TikTok star will come on because they can get a bunch of people to come see them, but they don't have an act. | ||
| But they'll fill out the place. | ||
| They'll sell out multiple nights in a row. | ||
| Because my son said about some comedian like that, he goes, I laugh about him, man. | ||
| Me and my coworkers laugh about him all day at work, Dad. | ||
| Do you know him? | ||
| And I'm like, I don't know this guy. | ||
| And then I see what he's talking about, and it is funny as I don't know what. | ||
| It's fucking seven seconds long. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they just keep passing around. | ||
| Look, and then I'm like, and you're going to pay $50 to go see that guy? | ||
| I'm like, what other videos he got? | ||
| He got some other stuff. | ||
| He got some other stuff, Dad. | ||
| I'm like, you know, all together. | ||
| Just about two minutes of funny. | ||
| There was comedians that, the girl's name is Angela Johnson, was the girl that did that nail salon bit, right? | ||
| Was it Angela Johnson? | ||
| The Vietnamese nail salon bit? | ||
| When she was a middle act, She was so popular that people would come to see her and leave before the headliner. | ||
| Wow So they were coming to see her But she you know Only was doing comedy A short period of time But her This bit that she had Where she was imitating A Vietnamese nail salon lady Was so good That people would come to see her Wow. | ||
| You got a version of it? | ||
| It just has 32 million views on YouTube. | ||
| 32 million? | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| It's a really good bit, but the point is, like, when she was just a middle act, she was doing this. | ||
| This is her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit, the ice house. | |
| It's very Latina, right? | ||
| No, it's not at all, actually. | ||
| Could you imagine introducing me to speak at the Mexican-American Heritage Festival? | ||
| Señores y señores, bienvenido a mi amiga especial! | ||
| Angela Nicole Johnson. | ||
| Hi, um, excuse me, it's John Sones. | ||
| Go to the Vietnam thing. | ||
| I don't want to watch the whole thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, it's the whole thing. | |
| It's like an uncut version of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know where exactly it cuts. | |
| Try it, right there, right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Barkley. | |
| You take him with you, huh? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, see? | |
| She ratted you up. | ||
| As soon as I walk in, they grieve me right away. | ||
| Hi, honey, what you need today? | ||
| Oh, um, can I get my nails done? | ||
| Okay, honey, do you lie pedicure too? | ||
| No, no, just my nails. | ||
| Honey, why you don't lie? | ||
| Pedicure, it may look nice. | ||
| It's so sexy. | ||
| It's better for you. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, alright. | ||
| Sure, then I'll get a pedicure too. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Thanks. | ||
| So my Ling starts doing my nails right away. | ||
| By the way, her American name is Tammy. | ||
| Tammy. | ||
| You have boyfriend? | ||
| No, no, I don't have a boyfriend. | ||
| Honey, why you don't have? | ||
| You look so pretty, like model, cheerleader, something pretty. | ||
| You like long or short nails? | ||
| Short nails, please, thanks. | ||
| Oh, honey, that's why you don't have a boyfriend. | ||
| I do for you, long better. | ||
| Alright, fine. | ||
| I'll have long nails. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| It's okay, honey. | ||
| Only $4 more. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a great bit. | ||
| And it gets better. | ||
| But the point is, like, that bit was like a closer bit. | ||
| And she got famous off of YouTube from that bit. | ||
| And she was a middle act. | ||
| But she was selling out the venue. | ||
| They were coming to see her! | ||
| They were coming to see her and the headliner would go up, hey, how's everybody doing tonight? | ||
| What about Chris Tucker, man, when he did his first Def Jam, man? | ||
| I think he didn't have that much time. | ||
| But he had 10 minutes that was fire. | ||
| You know when he'd go, hey man! | ||
| You robbed my mom. | ||
| Something like he tried to rob somebody. | ||
| It was his mom. | ||
| I forgot how it go. | ||
| What you doing with pictures of my brothers in your pocketbook? | ||
| Well, there's guys that, like, were coming up that had, like, a great middle set. | ||
| And then they had a headline, so they had to stretch that middle set out to an hour. | ||
| So they had to take that 25-minute set and make an hour out of it. | ||
| But he had a... | ||
| I would describe Chris' first Def Jam set as an Ed Sullivan set. | ||
| Because back in the day, you see guys on Ed Sullivan, and boom. | ||
| To you at home, you'd think he did like an hour, but it was just two and a half minutes. | ||
| But boom, that Joker was selling out all over the place. | ||
| And my mom and him said, we're going to go see such and such. | ||
| He was on Ed Sullivan. | ||
| Do you remember when Eddie Griffin did HBO when he had shorts on? | ||
| Was that Def Jam that he did? | ||
| Yeah, when he did Michael Jackson. | ||
| Yeah, that's the one he said. | ||
| The one when he came out with shorts on. | ||
| When he said about cocaine? | ||
| I think it was, but I just remember the power of the set. | ||
| I don't remember the content, but I remember he murdered so fucking hard. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| He smashed that. | ||
| And he had so much energy back then. | ||
| Remember, he did Michael Jackson, he did the thing about cocaine. | ||
| He said, cocaine is like a prolific drug. | ||
| He says, you snort cocaine and go, I want to talk to somebody who's not here. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great bet. | ||
| And that's the guy who invented the telephone, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to talk to somebody who's not even here. | |
| And I was there the day that Bernie did his thing, and that was like a matinee show, like two in the afternoon. | ||
| This crowd just wasn't like, uh... | ||
| And Angela Means went on. | ||
| A friend of mine, Butch Burns, who's also from D.C., he went on. | ||
| Because I think... | ||
| I wouldn't say Butch bombed, but Butch stood there as if he was in a club, like as if he was at the cellar. | ||
| He just had his hand on the mic stand, you know, just, hey, what's up? | ||
| Like, no, son, this ain't the spot for that, man. | ||
| You got to come out on some Joe Rogan. | ||
| Even I'm laid back, but when you see me on Def Jam, no. | ||
| I came out. | ||
| When Bernie came out and goes, I'm not afraid of none of you motherfuckers! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I ain't afraid to kick it! | |
| Boom! | ||
| Boom, he just took it off. | ||
| Bernie had power. | ||
| I know, but they were like, you know, because there was blood in the water. | ||
| They were ready. | ||
| They was like, ooh, we're going to boo him too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He said, uh-uh, not today, motherfucker. | ||
| No, Bernie had power. | ||
| I saw Bernie at the Comedy Connection at Faneuil Hall, and I walked in while he was on stage, and he was murdering, man. | ||
| Just waves of people just moving through the audience with laughter. | ||
| Falling out of their chairs. | ||
| Just killing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Killing. | |
| And his speech, the way he talked was like when I hear my grandfather and his friends talk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like he was from back in time, I'm going to brush you in your head. | ||
| That's old man shit. | ||
| Until you see the white meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When I see you, it's going to be a misunderstanding. | |
| Just like that. | ||
| Instead, I'm going to kick your ass. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I loved that dude. | ||
| He was something else. | ||
| There was some hot sets on Def Jam back then, man. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| What year did you start? | ||
| The third Thursday in May of 86. 86. That was the height, right? | ||
| That was like when comedy, like the 80s boom. | ||
| 80s boom. | ||
| I went in the first time in 1983. I was in the Navy and one of my guys, he was like 30 years old and I was like 18. So to me, he was a grown genius man. | ||
| He told me how funny I was because Eddie Murphy was on the cover of Time Magazine with a red baseball cap. | ||
| Doing like this. | ||
| And he said, you could do that, Woods. | ||
| I'm like, I wouldn't ever wear that cap. | ||
| He's like, nah, man, you could do that. | ||
| I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
| So he went as far as to call the Comedy Cafe, where's me and Dave and all of us started out in D.C. He called them up, sat up. | ||
| He said, go down there, man. | ||
| You know, just talk about the same shit you talk about here at work, man. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I go down there, and it was the first live comedy show. | ||
| Kevin Lee, who juggles, you know him? | ||
| He juggles. | ||
| Anyway, he was there, and you've seen jugglers on TV, and they always go, oh my god, that's amazing! | ||
| Oh my god, that's so amazing! | ||
| He juggling this and that, and he juggled, and bam! | ||
| Motherfucker dropped the bowling ball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That was the funniest shit I ever seen! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because I thought he did it on purpose. | |
| Because it went, bam! | ||
| Everybody jumped and shit. | ||
| And he just kind of picked it up real quick and kept juggling. | ||
| And then everybody else was going. | ||
| Everybody was like, to me, everybody was fucking super funny. | ||
| And then I remember, what's his name? | ||
| He just passed away. | ||
| William Stevenson. | ||
| William Stevenson was the emcee. | ||
| And he said, next we have another funny human being. | ||
| Remember he used to always say, funny human being, he says, there's a new guy, Tony Woods. | ||
| And everybody started clapping. | ||
| And me too. | ||
| I was clapping too, like, where's Tony Woods? | ||
| Because I'm not going up there, motherfucker. | ||
| I'm like, I'm not ready for this. | ||
| So, I didn't go on stage again for three more years, man. | ||
| And when I did go, me and my buddy Vance used to go to the comedy club. | ||
| And every week, I put my name on the list, chicken out. | ||
| But we sit and hear some jokes. | ||
| So the next morning, my wife would say, how was it last night? | ||
| Because me and Vance would hang out in the comedy club for maybe 30 minutes, 40, and then go to ladies' night at this nightclub. | ||
| And then, you know, so in the morning, she would go, how was it last night? | ||
| She said, what'd you talk about? | ||
| So I would say, oh, I did my thing about how girls look like a cockatoo. | ||
| And she'd go, oh, that's pretty good. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Whatever I heard that caught my ear that night, I would tell her. | ||
| And I remember she was brushing her teeth one time, and I said, somebody else's joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she go, that was funny. | |
| And she didn't laugh. | ||
| She go, that was funny. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| She starts to tell everybody that I'm doing comedy. | ||
| And everybody's like, hey, we want to come see you. | ||
| I'm like, ah, man, well, you know, you don't want to come down. | ||
| It'd be so late at night. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Then one day, it was the third Thursday in May, and she said, the executives are going out of town. | ||
| We don't have to work tomorrow. | ||
| So your mom's going to keep the baby, and I'm going with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking heart was beating so fast. | |
| Oh my god! | ||
| I'm like, you know what? | ||
| I was thinking, man, we need to spend time together. | ||
| Since my mom got the baby, just have a little blockbuster night. | ||
| No! | ||
| I'm going to the comedy show. | ||
| I want to see you. | ||
| That was a long day, Joe. | ||
| Because all day long, I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| So I write down stuff. | ||
| I forget everything I wrote down, but go down there. | ||
| While we're sitting there watching the other comedians, she would nudge me. | ||
| She'd go, he's doing your joke. | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| And I'm like, no. | ||
| I said, no. | ||
| The comedians, they get together and they share jokes. | ||
| But then they called me up. | ||
| I forgot what I was going to say. | ||
| I said, you guys look good. | ||
| You guys smell good. | ||
| And then this guy in the front says, his leg is shaking because my leg was shaking. | ||
| And I said, hey, your stomach's shaking. | ||
| And I said, hey, but don't worry about it, man. | ||
| I used to be fat, too. | ||
| And then I said, I was a whopping 70 pounds. | ||
| And I said, but I was only this tall. | ||
| And the rest... | ||
| I guess God sent it to me because I did this whole bit about setting my mom's bed on fire and all this other shit. | ||
| My cat talking to me. | ||
| Oh, it was just bang, bang, bang. | ||
| And I remember before I went on stage, the fat doctor that night was the host. | ||
| And the fat doctor said, where do you want your light? | ||
| And I said, like, right in the front. | ||
| I didn't know what the fuck that meant. | ||
| Like, what do you want your light means? | ||
| Do you want a two minute light, three minute light, four minute light? | ||
| He said, hey man, where you want your light at? | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Like right in the front. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| And I'm looking at me like, what the fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| Stupid. | ||
| But I went up and I kill. | ||
| And then bang, the light came on. | ||
| I said, goodnight, Tony Lewis. | ||
| Like that, right? | ||
| Ran off and everybody was... | ||
| And Martin Lawrence and Pierre and all them shaking my hands. | ||
| They're using comedy stuff like, hey man, good set and all this. | ||
| I'm like, alright. | ||
| And I sat there and was kind of short-lived. | ||
| Because I sat down with my wife and my boy Vance. | ||
| And my boy Vance said, I told you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I told you! | |
| I told you! | ||
| Which he kind of was almost telling her that this is his first time. | ||
| But he was telling me. | ||
| But he didn't say nothing. | ||
| Didn't actually say it? | ||
| The next guy that came on was a professional. | ||
| He says, from the pro side, we got this guy. | ||
| And he went up. | ||
| He wasn't doing so good because I had fucking ripped. | ||
| First time. | ||
| First time, because I was nervous. | ||
| Then she said, you need to tell them that they need to stop paying you up in here. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| She said, you have been coming here for over six months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no! | |
| And you one of the funniest ones tonight. | ||
| You need to go back there and tell them other comedians to give you some money. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| I said, I could do it next week. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| She said, no. | ||
| Because they all back there. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| So I went. | ||
| I walked in the back. | ||
| Good thing the guy you saw, Andy Evans, who's like the godfather. | ||
| It's a good thing he was there. | ||
| Because I was like, I said, yo, what's up, man? | ||
| I get paid up. | ||
| And he goes, Huh? | ||
| I said, how do I get paid? | ||
| He goes, oh, hold on. | ||
| I'll be right back. | ||
| I'm gonna go get the guy who can pay you. | ||
| I'm like, okay, like, yeah. | ||
| Because I look back at her like, yeah, I got this shit. | ||
| I got this shit. | ||
| Boom, him and all the other comedians, because they're back on the stairwell. | ||
| They're all behind the bar. | ||
| They all come up and go, what's up, brother? | ||
| What you say again? | ||
| I said, um, Because everybody's looking at me, I'm like, I said, you know, how do you get paid to do comedy in it? | ||
| He goes, no, no, that ain't what you said. | ||
| You said, hey, motherfucker, how I get paid? | ||
| He just overdid it. | ||
| He said, I grabbed him in the car and said, bitch, you better give me some money or something like that. | ||
| And they all started laughing. | ||
| And then I'll never forget, they was all laughing. | ||
| Because they knew it was my first time. | ||
| And then Fat Doctor came, and he goes, whoa! | ||
| Hold up. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| What's your name, man? | ||
| I said, Tony Woods. | ||
| He goes, yeah! | ||
| Man, that was you up there, wasn't it? | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| He goes, I'm going to tell you something, man. | ||
| Look, what you did tonight, do that about 500 more times and then come back in and talk to us. | ||
| Get the fuck out of my face. | ||
| And they were all laughing. | ||
| And I went back over there with my wife. | ||
| And she said, so what'd they say? | ||
| Because they like you because they still laughing. | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| They all still remember that. | ||
| They was all back there laughing and just having a good time. | ||
| How long was it before you started getting paid? | ||
| As a matter of fact, that guy Andy Evans put me on a TV show two months later. | ||
| It was a public access show. | ||
| I didn't get paid, but from the public access show I got paid. | ||
| It was me, Warren Hutchison, Wanda Sykes. | ||
| No, Wanda wasn't there yet. | ||
| It was Robin Montague, Tommy Davidson, a lot of us. | ||
| But me and Warren and Martin Lawrence were open micers. | ||
| And so the real comedian was like, what are they doing here? | ||
| Because we were sitting there like first day of school, the three of us like... | ||
| When do I go on? | ||
| We all did well. | ||
| That was public access. | ||
| We've been rocking ever since. | ||
| How many years in do you think were you a professional? | ||
| How many years did it take before you started getting paid? | ||
| It didn't take me years. | ||
| I did the TV show and then I would just go on stage and just go to sleep. | ||
| Like, other people were writing jokes. | ||
| I wasn't. | ||
| I was just talking about stuff that had happened to me and just twisting it around and doing this. | ||
| So one year in... | ||
| This guy's in the audience from BET, and he says, that was great. | ||
| I want you to be on this TV show called Tell Me Something Good. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| It's his game show, and it's on BET. I'm like, what's that? | ||
| He goes, Black Entertainment Television. | ||
| I remember I laughed, and he gave me his card. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I said, this shit would be cool as shit. | ||
| You know, if it was, because there was no cable TV in D.C. at that time. | ||
| So the next day... | ||
| My dispatcher calls me and said, yo, 777, 777, you're going to drop off your packages to another courier because you got to give your wife a landline. | ||
| You got to go home emergency. | ||
| I'm like, oh shit, what the fuck? | ||
| And she says, yo, I checked the messages. | ||
| She said, a guy named Stu Perkins from Black Entertainment Television calls you and he wants you on the show today. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, that clown. | ||
| She says, you never heard of that? | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| I'm like, we got a network? | ||
| For real? | ||
| And so I went home, boom, boom, got changed, went down to Duke Street in Virginia and did it. | ||
| It was a live taping of a game show called Tell Me Something Good. | ||
| And people would actually call in and answer the question. | ||
| It was like on maybe a 10-second delay. | ||
| You know you couldn't do that now. | ||
| Everybody would be cursing and stuff like that. | ||
| This is like 1988. And then, Joe, right after that, there's a contest called the National Lampoon Comedy Playoffs nationwide. | ||
| Leslie Nielsen was the host out in Vegas and did that. | ||
| And you only had to have seven minutes. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I smashed that shit and went to Vegas and met Leslie Nielsen. | ||
| That's when my gambling problem started. | ||
| Okay, this is a good thing. | ||
| So we're checking to... | ||
| The Sahara's not even there no more. | ||
| So my last name is Woods. | ||
| That's a W. Everybody had their rooms. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| And the lady said, well, you know, you're Woods, so we're going to have to put you on such and such floor, right? | ||
| Because this is back in the day when... | ||
| Only a few people had the magnetic thing. | ||
| So I had to stick it in the elevator to go up to my floor. | ||
| I had the double doors. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| It looked like the fucking room in Hangover. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| And so everybody knows that I'm only two years in on comedy, something like that. | ||
| So they said poolside interview. | ||
| I get down there. | ||
| I'm talking to all the working comedians. | ||
| Like, yo, man, did you see the room? | ||
| They're like, hmm. | ||
| First time in a hotel, buddy. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, these dudes stay in rooms like this all the time? | ||
| So we all hang out and then say, yo. | ||
| And everybody's like, yo, we're going to go. | ||
| I say, yo, we can go to my room. | ||
| I got beer and wine and stuff in my room and sodas. | ||
| What, you went shopping? | ||
| It's in my room. | ||
| And we go upstairs and I stick the card key in and we go up to the floor. | ||
| I got the double doors going. | ||
| Everybody's like, That is when the rumor started that I was a shoo-in, I was fucking around, going around pretending I didn't know anything about comedy. | ||
| I was like, hey man, so what comedy club do you, who do I call to get to that comedy club? | ||
| Do I send them a tape? | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Because that was really me. | ||
| But they were like, yeah, what the fuck you doing? | ||
| And then on top of that, I fucking ripped on the thing. | ||
| So they're like, yeah, it's a motherfucker. | ||
| They thought it was a setup. | ||
| That was a setup. | ||
| So they thought you were just a long time pro and it was all bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, I was bullshitting them. | ||
| And you were a rigged guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like I was a shoo-in and I was just in there. | ||
| Yeah, but I was actually a new dude. | ||
| One of the things that people have always asked me about you, they go, where's his specials? | ||
| Like, how come he doesn't have specials out? | ||
| Because so many people talk about how funny you are, but they go, how do I see him? | ||
| Do you have any specials? | ||
| I did a special in Australia some years ago by accident. | ||
| It was on the Comedy Channel. | ||
| They still talk about it in Australia. | ||
| That's the first time. | ||
| Me and Greer Barnes went over there the first time. | ||
| And I was the last one. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You're supposed to do seven minutes. | ||
| TV taping. | ||
| I was the last one. | ||
| I was smashing that shit. | ||
| Killing. | ||
| And boom. | ||
| You hear the announcer go, ladies and gentlemen, Tony Woods. | ||
| Because I had done 25 minutes. | ||
| Oh, so he said it while you were on stage talking? | ||
| Yeah, because I was killing it. | ||
| Because you hadn't gotten on stage. | ||
| I wasn't going to stop. | ||
| But it worked out. | ||
| Like, you ever see that movie, Old Brother, We're Out There? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So the rest of the festival, me, Greer Barnes, Renee Hicks, and I think Sue Miller or Sue Murphy, we were there. | ||
| And I was supposed to be the headliner. | ||
| I just, it just wasn't hitting. | ||
| It just, I just, I could do other people's show. | ||
| I could go to Joe's show and rip. | ||
| But in my show, it just, I was like, fuck. | ||
| I just, I couldn't get it. | ||
| And everybody's like, is this the guy? | ||
| Then they said, do you want to go on the road? | ||
| So we're going to go on the road. | ||
| And they have A tour, B tour, C tour. | ||
| So they put me on a tour. | ||
| And since my shows weren't all that good, they had me in the opening spot. | ||
| Like, they have an emcee, one, two, what do you call it, intermission, and then one or two more guys. | ||
| And did you ever see Old Brother Wild Thou with George Clooney? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember, they had been on the run, they were doing all this other shit, and then they snuck on, they was going to get a gig, and they walked out on stage, and they said, the Shaggy Bottom boys, everybody went, ah! | ||
| Because the shit had aired on television, the set that I had done, when I was talking about the nursery rhymes, not nursery rhymes, but I was talking about Lil Red Riding Hood and all that, you know, like, what's her name? | ||
| The criminal girl? | ||
| You know, okay, the one where I say the girl has, she walks into the gate, that's trespassing. | ||
| She never knocks, she just twists it, that's unlawful entry, and the bitch has got a lot of charges. | ||
| Then she sit down to eat the food and say, ooh, this food too hot. | ||
| Bitch, this ain't your food. | ||
| Fuck outta here, you know? | ||
| Except it's a whole long story that I do with that. | ||
| Dude, I had like a two to three minute standing ovation applause break. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because everybody's like, that's the guy! | ||
| It's the soggy bottom boys! | ||
| And And then, so, boom, no one can follow that. | ||
| So, boom, the next night they go, well, we'll have you close the first half. | ||
| Okay, boom. | ||
| And then, so, I was closing the show, and they had a group act. | ||
| They had guys who, three men who juggled and do all the, I had to close the fucking show behind them, because every little town we was going in in Australia, they was going, I walk out there going, ah! | ||
| The road manager was going, okay, everybody get ready. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Because I would walk out of small towns and they'd just go... | ||
| From this one accidental comedy special. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, how come you didn't do more after that? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I've been doing comedy 30 plus years. | ||
| You are one of the best comics ever that doesn't have a special. | ||
| No, you're the best comic ever that doesn't have a special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| Oh wait, I did the Comedy Central special. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Oh, when was that? | ||
| I think that was 2000 or 2001, something like that. | ||
| Comedy Central. | ||
| And was that a half hour? | ||
| I think 20 minutes. | ||
| Me, Zach Frenakalakaris, and Sklar... | ||
| Zach Galifianakis? | ||
| Yeah, my guy. | ||
| I got a speech pattern with Zach. | ||
| He know me. | ||
| Because his name just keeps going. | ||
| When you say it, you say Zach Frenakalakaris. | ||
| Yeah, it keeps going. | ||
| Yeah, it keeps going, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like heavy D. Yeah, but you haven't done like an hour special. | |
| Nah, it was me, Zach, the Sklar brothers, and Tom Popper. | ||
| Oh, I love Tom Popper. | ||
| Yeah, we did that. | ||
| Because Tom Popper to me is... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Jack Benny. | ||
| Yeah, very similar. | ||
| Tom Popper looks like he belongs in another time era when he's on stage. | ||
| What was the black dude with Jack Benny? | ||
| Was this Roscoe or Winchester? | ||
| Oh, I don't. | ||
| I never watched that show. | ||
| It was black comedy, but black people didn't like it, but it was funny shit. | ||
| He said, because he would say shit like, he said, Roscoe, you know, I think I see the bear. | ||
| Give me the rifle. | ||
| Roscoe, give me the rifle. | ||
| And then he looked back, Roscoe was like, I'm in the car, boss! | ||
| It was very bad, but it was very... | ||
| This is it right here? | ||
| Boom! | ||
| That's him! | ||
| That's the black dude right there. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Rochester. | ||
| Rochester Anderson. | ||
| Rochester Anderson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Died in 1977. Wow. | |
| Jack Benny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And look at that. | ||
| It looks like Tom Papa standing there down there. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, give me Tom Papa! | ||
| See, look at that down the bottom. | ||
| See, that's Tom Papa right there. | ||
| If you took Tom Papa and shoved him in another time, he'd fit right in, in the Jack Benny era. | ||
| There's a lot of dudes like that. | ||
| Rochester look a little bit like Roy Wood Jr. Look at Jack Benny with Marilyn Monroe. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Is that Jane Mansfield? | ||
| No, that's Marilyn Monroe. | ||
| That's Marilyn Monroe. | ||
| God damn, she was hot. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I hit that look. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He got that look like he done something. | ||
| Something terrible. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's gripping her waist, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did he date her or something? | ||
| It look like he hit it. | ||
| It seems like there were a lot of pictures of them together. | ||
| I'm suspicious. | ||
| Her waist is small. | ||
| That's natural. | ||
| That's like no gym time at all. | ||
| Women didn't even know you could exercise back then. | ||
| That motherfucker looked like Dracula when he was younger though. | ||
| Oh, right there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Totally. | ||
| Oh, on the news, on NBC radio. | ||
| Isn't that wild, man? | ||
| The people used to do comedy on the radio. | ||
| They used to do, like, sketches and shit on the radio. | ||
| You know who else has that old-timey voice? | ||
| Dan Natterman. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you ever see that movie about Seabiscuit and the guy who was doing the announcers? | ||
| No. | ||
| What do you say there? | ||
| The guy from Shameless. | ||
| He was the voice in that movie about the horse. | ||
| Oh, I know who you're talking about. | ||
| I watch too much movies. | ||
| But Joe, I tell you, my career has kind of been like Forrest Gump, the character, Forrest Gump. | ||
| You know, people always go, what happened? | ||
| But everything that happened, like a lot of the big shit that happened in comedy, I was right there. | ||
| I don't know what happened, but I was right there. | ||
| And then people... | ||
| Like, remember when Forrest said, so one day I just started running. | ||
| He don't know why people's following him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, people go, oh my god, you've influenced so many people. | |
| I'm like, I don't know why the fuck they following me, dawg. | ||
| I'm not just leaving my special. | ||
| I'm not just leaving my successful film career. | ||
| I'm not just leaving my sitcom career. | ||
| I'm not leaving none of that shit. | ||
| I'm just running. | ||
| And motherfuckers are just following me. | ||
| And then they hang on my words. | ||
| Sometimes I'm just talking. | ||
| In my own head. | ||
| Really, remember when the guy came up and the mud splashed and he said, shit! | ||
| And then he says, it happens like that. | ||
| And it's been times when I've run into comedians and go, yo, I will never forget the time that you said to me. | ||
| Because, you know, the guys, they come on, I say, yo, good set, man. | ||
| They go, you liked it? | ||
| I'm like, son, you changed my life. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Which is better than, like, some comedians would go, you need to get out of the business. | ||
| Right. | ||
| As a matter of fact, somebody said that to him, to that guy who plays Eddie Murphy's son in the new... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Damon? | ||
| Jamin? | ||
| Jamal? | ||
| I forgot his name. | ||
| I know him, though. | ||
| He plays Damon Wayne? | ||
| No, he plays Eddie Murphy's son? | ||
| No, he plays Eddie Murphy's son in the new Coming to America. | ||
| I don't know who that is. | ||
| But anyway, he's from D.C. too. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And I remember when he had first moved to New York, and he just called me at one day and just kind of, he said, man, do you think I moved to New York too soon? | ||
| You think? | ||
| And he used those exact words, and we both know who the fuck said that. | ||
| He said, do you think I need to get out of the business? | ||
| Nah, I was like, man, fuck that dude. | ||
| Who said it? | ||
| You know, who used to always say that? | ||
| He need to get out the business. | ||
| Patrice? | ||
| Nah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who? | |
| Who said it? | ||
| You know who used to say that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Where we go? | ||
| Chick-fil-A? Did you get any chicken fingers at Chick-fil-A? Well, then I don't know, because I don't like disrespect the dead. | ||
| I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| You'll figure it out soon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have no idea what you're talking about. | |
| Don't worry about it, man. | ||
| Sometimes my joke's in the future. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We don't have to talk about it. | ||
| But did it ever occur to you that, like, man, I need to get out, like, an hour special? | ||
| Because so many people would come to see you just based on other people's recommendations, based on having seen you before. | ||
| I mean, you always did well. | ||
| Everybody loved you. | ||
| Sometimes... | ||
| I'll have an amazing two and a half hour set in some little club like I just did to Dead Crow, right? | ||
| And then I'll be somewhere big and they'll be like, yeah, he was good. | ||
| He was good, yeah. | ||
| But when it's like, yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what this is. | ||
| But I know you're working on a special right now. | ||
| Yeah, they are. | ||
| And that's what, because they keep saying, hey man, you ready? | ||
| I'm like, I was fucking ready when you asked me the first time. | ||
| Who are you doing it with? | ||
| The only time I wasn't ready, and ironically enough, the goddamn special was called They Ready. | ||
| Goddamn, no I'm not right now. | ||
| Because that's when Tiffany called and said, yo, I'm doing this Day Ready special. | ||
| Come on, get on. | ||
| Because she said, these guys been around. | ||
| But at that point, we had been sitting still, dude. | ||
| I had, you know, I was driving for Grubhub. | ||
| You know, just... | ||
| This is during COVID? During COVID. And, like, I was in Amsterdam. | ||
| Because David gave me a shout-out on... | ||
| On the Mark Twain Award, and things just started popping. | ||
| Things started popping, man. | ||
| And I was over there, and Amsterdam was a guy named James Alcher. | ||
| I was doing Caroline's. | ||
| I mean, you know, boom, just killing it. | ||
| And I came back on a Sunday. | ||
| Shit closed down on, I think, that Monday over there. | ||
| Then that weekend, I went to Minneapolis. | ||
| So that was my last gig before that. | ||
| And I just jumped right on it and started working for it. | ||
| Grubhub, and I forgot the point I was making, Joe. | ||
| But you're talking about they ready. | ||
| Oh yeah! | ||
| They ready. | ||
| So it's like, and then she called me up, like, boom. | ||
| And I'm like, I ain't that ready. | ||
| You know, I'm not that, I was not that ready. | ||
| I had gotten so comfortable, like, and imagine in over 30 years, that was the first time I slept in the same bed. | ||
| For more than, fuck, 10 days. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, for more than 10 days. | ||
| Well, it was like three months, I slept in the exact same bed. | ||
| No matter where I went and snuck around and did some little dirty COVID shows, I still came back to the same house and washed my hands real vigorously like, hope I don't make y'all sick, but I need these streets. | ||
| I need these streets. | ||
| The only time I got nervous if I get the test is when I went to Yellow Springs. | ||
| Dave's like, yeah, man. | ||
| Once you're out here, man, you got to do this. | ||
| And that night, went to this little shit in D.C. in the alley. | ||
| Like, shh, everybody come on in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't say nothing. | |
| Lock the door. | ||
| Doing comedy in there. | ||
| Everybody's inside. | ||
| You can't smoke outside. | ||
| You smoke outside. | ||
| Somebody's going to see, hey, what's going on over there? | ||
| So we lock the door. | ||
| It's like a little peephole. | ||
| And then the next day, Dave flew us out to Yellow Springs. | ||
| And I'm like, and, you know, they give you the little, like, now if you test positive, uh... | ||
| You know, don't take your shit out the car. | ||
| It's going to take you right back to the jet. | ||
| I was like, fuck. | ||
| And everybody was there. | ||
| Kevin and everybody was there. | ||
| It was like, damn, man. | ||
| I done fucked up. | ||
| But you didn't get it. | ||
| I didn't get it. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not going to win. | ||
| That was the only time I was worried about it. | ||
| You think you might have got it in January of 2020, though? | ||
| I'm sure I got it in January. | ||
| I got it in January at a New Year's Eve party in D.C. Yeah. | ||
| And I made myself well because I had Caroline's for the first time in years. | ||
| Oh, yeah, in years. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You remember Carolines. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So I was there one time. | ||
| I was hanging out with one of the guys who worked there. | ||
| And we drinking because it was snowing, a big snowstorm. | ||
| And Rock was going to be there that night. | ||
| But I stopped by around 4 in the afternoon because I ain't got no show anymore. | ||
| After that, I was going to get on the train and go down to the Boston Comedy Club. | ||
| So my man came, and he's handicapped. | ||
| I ain't gonna say his name, but he's a very good friend of mine from Philadelphia. | ||
| How many more hints do you need? | ||
| Anyway, he fell down the steps. | ||
| Yeah, like in Eddie Murphy, boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| I'm halfway down. | ||
| And you know that landing at Caroline's? | ||
| Kabam! | ||
| I know. | ||
| And you're like, but then we go, when he said that, you're like, man, I thought you, but he only had a cut over his eye. | ||
| And we had been drinking. | ||
| Day drinking. | ||
| I don't day drink, man. | ||
| You know, sometimes you say shit you shouldn't say. | ||
| You don't say, fuck that shit, I'll sue Carolines while you sitting in Carolines drinking free liquor and eating free food. | ||
| You don't say, yeah, fuck That was why not? | ||
| When I get drunk, you have to spell my name backwards. | ||
| That motherfucker. | ||
| He don't know how to act, man. | ||
| I'm like, Tony didn't say that. | ||
| Tony's a nice guy. | ||
| I never say that. | ||
| But that fucking why not? | ||
| Why not say that? | ||
| And then nobody ever said anything except for Barry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Barry said, well, why would you say something like that? | |
| Barry Katz? | ||
| Yeah, why would you say something like that, man? | ||
| I'm like, I wouldn't... | ||
| I mean, that's what people say. | ||
| It's what people say in a black neighborhood. | ||
| Like, you see black people jaywalk and they go, I wish that motherfucker would hit me. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| You don't wish he would hit you, but that's just some shit we say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shit talking. | ||
| Yeah, shit talking. | ||
| I was just talking shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Normal. | ||
| Normal shit. | ||
| Wasn't working at Caroline's no more, though. | ||
| That was it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was it, until Dave gave me a shout-out. | |
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They cut you off from that? | ||
| Nobody ever cut me off. | ||
| It just never happened again. | ||
| We don't have any more veils. | ||
| So when Dave gave you the shout out on the Mark Twain award, did that open up a lot of doors for you? | ||
| Yeah, it did. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| I was just telling you, I was like, we was getting it. | ||
| We was kicking it. | ||
| And then the COVID shit happened. | ||
| And then Tiffany, you know, and Wiz, it's a good thing I had a fan base because people was like, we saw you and it was good. | ||
| Listen, we know you're funny. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| That ain't the compliment I want! | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| We know you're funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those other people just didn't get it. | |
| But first of all, it was outdoors, and there was a low-hanging fog, so it made it like a theater. | ||
| First night, I wasn't getting it all, but the second night. | ||
| I put a whole bunch of different little sets together. | ||
| But to get back to your special, I don't know. | ||
| Who is producing your special? | ||
| David. | ||
| Oh, David's doing Earthquake, too. | ||
| Yeah, he's a local comedian from Washington, D.C. area. | ||
| Oh, David Chappelle? | ||
| David Chappelle. | ||
| I'm aware of him. | ||
| So I love that Dave's doing yours and he's doing Earthquakes too. | ||
| And Donnell's too. | ||
| And he's doing Donnell's. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Donnell and Quake have already done this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So is yours going to be for Netflix? | ||
| Do you know what it's going to be for? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never met a man as good as you at comedy that's so fucking casual about his career. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, man, you can't be trippin' out about shit. | ||
| Oh, I know, but you take it to another level. | ||
| You can't be trippin' out about shit to as far as it can go. | ||
| I can't even see him. | ||
| What is he doing out there? | ||
| You can't be trippin' out about shit, but he's just doing it a hundred miles away. | ||
| Well, as I drive down the road of life, Joe, sometimes I say, God, just give me a sign. | ||
| and then it'll be a yellow light and I go, I can make it. | ||
| Yeah, it's a funny thing. | ||
| There's these guys that we all know that are these legendary comedians that all the comedians respect, all the comics love, but for whatever reason, they don't get the same amount of appreciation, whether it's from Netflix or from whatever. | ||
| And that's you. | ||
| You're one of those guys. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why we brought you up so many times on the podcast. | ||
| I noticed something some years ago. | ||
| It was in town for the Def Jam tapings. | ||
| And people kept coming by and going, hey, what's up, y'all comedians? | ||
| Yo, man, you funny shit. | ||
| Oh, man, you crazy. | ||
| And then people always take a pause and they go, hey, man, I love you, man. | ||
| Nobody ever say that I'm funny. | ||
| They just go, I love you, man. | ||
| And then sometimes people leave the show and they go, you know, I don't even like comedy. | ||
| But yeah, you was good. | ||
| I don't even like comedy. | ||
| What do you say to those people? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why don't you like comedy? | ||
| I just go, thanks. | ||
| You know, like a lot of times I go, I only came because she told me to come. | ||
| Okay, you enjoy yourself, motherfucker? | ||
| Well, some people, they're reluctant to give you compliments. | ||
| Yeah, but very seldom do I hear funny. | ||
| It's usually, I love you, man. | ||
| It's just, you know, oh my god, I love you. | ||
| Like that, it's never like, you are so fucking funny. | ||
| It's like calm. | ||
| Yeah, I love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you too, I guess. | |
| So you don't even have a time schedule for when you're going to do your special? | ||
| I'm assuming it's going to be on Netflix. | ||
| Hurry up, because motherfuckers are dying like dogs. | ||
| Every time I turn around, somebody's dying. | ||
| That was kind of depressing, wasn't it? | ||
| That is true. | ||
| Well, as we get older, that's just the fact of the life we're living. | ||
| I was on the phone when you got in here with Joey Diaz, who just caught COVID. He's fine. | ||
| He's all good. | ||
| We got him vitamin drips and monoclonal antibodies. | ||
| Joey's in New Jersey now. | ||
| He's living in New Jersey. | ||
| He's the king of New Jersey. | ||
| I went to visit him down there. | ||
| Went to a restaurant. | ||
| Everybody knows him. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| I was like, damn it, he's never leaving New Jersey. | ||
| Because I wanted him to come to Austin. | ||
| But as soon as I saw him in New Jersey, I was like, alright, I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| This is his spot. | ||
| He belongs there. | ||
| I'll just fly him out. | ||
| Mike Robles was sick, I think, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| I think he was there. | ||
| I saw it on Facebook. | ||
| How's he doing now? | ||
| He's doing good. | ||
| When I first moved to New York, that's the first TV spot I did. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Que Loco. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Mike Robles was on the Spanish channel. | ||
| And at the time, my dad lived up in Washington Heights. | ||
| He still lives in Washington Heights, like up 200th and Broadway, way up there. | ||
| And one night I go to the bodega, and the little Dominican lady, she said... | ||
| And she's having her... | ||
| Her grandson is laughing like shit and telling me... | ||
| He said, yo, she saw you on television. | ||
| And she says she's so proud of you. | ||
| She says she could tell you was having problems with your English, but you stuck with it and showed them... | ||
| In English. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, bitch, that's the only thing I speak? | |
| But she was like, you know, I saw you having some problems. | ||
| You kind of slowed down a couple times. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Her grandson was like, yo. | ||
| Because he knew to see me. | ||
| As a matter of fact, he used to call me Kehorois. | ||
| That's how you say, what time is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, when I would be going to an audition or something in the morning, walking to the train, I noticed people just always go, Kehore is. | ||
| They go, yeah, what's up? | ||
| Tony. | ||
| I thought they'd see me. | ||
| I thought they'd see me on Def Jam. | ||
| I just knew whatever they were saying was a fucking question. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Because they go, Kehore is. | ||
| And I go, It's Tony. | ||
| And then they do like this. | ||
| They point at the watch and they go, oh, it's such and such a time. | ||
| But I didn't put two and two together. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That they were asking me. | ||
| What time is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's all good. | |
| So this thing with Dave, you don't like, because Earthquake is wondering when his is coming out too. | ||
| Well, he did. | ||
| He did his already. | ||
| But he doesn't exactly know when it's coming out. | ||
| But man, it's hard. | ||
| You know, Dave said, hey man, whenever you're ready. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm ready. | ||
| And then he said, just let me know. | ||
| He said, man, I'm letting you know. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| But I mean, you know, every time you turn around, man, dude's chasing him with dresses on, all kinds of shit going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He said, tie up your shoes, son, you in a drag race. | |
| Ah! | ||
| Run, Dave! | ||
| Run! | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That shit's died down, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're leaving him alone now. | ||
| You're just realizing how many of the people that are upset at him didn't even watch the special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They watched the special, and you still are angry at him, and you missed the point. | ||
| They're saying, we was somewhere, man. | ||
| It's me. | ||
| I was on the road with Louis C.K. So I go outside the comedy club. | ||
| Some people out there having a silent protest. | ||
| And I'm like, yo, what's up? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| And the girl says, there's a comedian in there. | ||
| And he's performing. | ||
| He's racist. | ||
| Name all of the shit that they said he is. | ||
| Sexist, transphobic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Homophobic. | |
| I'm like, what? | ||
| And she had said all this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to say, he racist too? | |
| And she was like, I said, well, fuck that. | ||
| Give me a sign. | ||
| And she was like, no, no, no. | ||
| We're having a silent protest. | ||
| I'm like, nah, fuck that. | ||
| I said, that's his picture right there. | ||
| I'm going to fuck him up. | ||
| I don't have to stay in line. | ||
| I cut right through the line and go in the back. | ||
| I forgot to... | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| It's somewhere, man, but it's like they got a back room with karaoke. | ||
| Like, you walk through the back. | ||
| I go in the back. | ||
| I forgot all about that. | ||
| I was fucking with that girl. | ||
| I didn't think nothing was going to happen. | ||
| Sit back there, and then, boom. | ||
| She comes in with the police and shit, and she's like... | ||
| You know, she wanted to go. | ||
| That's him, but she was like... | ||
| Right, to you? | ||
| No, to the policeman. | ||
| Because we're all sitting in the back, you know, just talking about whatever. | ||
| It's me, Lynn Coplitz, and we're all just sitting there, and the girl, you know, because the girl and the policeman and the manager or the owner of the club come in, Because they thought that you were going back there to fuck up the comedian. | ||
| Fuck up Louis, yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because she saw me, I dipped all over your back. | ||
| So she called the police. | ||
| She didn't call, the police was right there. | ||
| Okay, so she got the police. | ||
| And she says, I think that guy's going back there to do something to the comedian. | ||
| To fuck up Louis C.K. Yeah. | ||
| So when she come in and she see me first, she's like... | ||
| Like, that's the motherfucker right there! | ||
| That's the motherfucker right there! | ||
| And what happened? | ||
| And I'm like, yo, what's up, shawty? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She was like, I'm like, yeah, I got that motherfucker! | |
| Like, I was just joking around. | ||
| And then, yeah, she ended up, she didn't know What Louie had done, she took pictures, they gave her a t-shirt for the club, took a picture with Louie in the green room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She took a picture of Louie? | |
| Yes, she was just there because some girl from her college said, yeah, let's go do this, let's go protest. | ||
| That's the thing, man. | ||
| It's like so many of the people that they haven't even thought it through. | ||
| They don't even know what he did. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know what he did. | ||
| If you were in the room with Louis when he jerked off and he said, can I jerk off in front of you? | ||
| And you said yes. | ||
| I guess you got an argument that maybe you shouldn't have been asked that question. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it puts you in an uncomfortable situation. | ||
| Remember that joke that Kevin Brennan used to have about consent? | ||
| No, I don't know the joke. | ||
| He says, on the college campus, you meet a girl and go, can I kiss you? | ||
| Yes, you can kiss me. | ||
| Can we make up? | ||
| Can we do this? | ||
| So it gets hot and heavy. | ||
| So they're having sex. | ||
| He says, boom, can I do it, dog? | ||
| He says, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then he says, can I stick it in your butt? | ||
| She goes, what? | ||
| He goes, do they sell chicken fingers in Pizza Hut? | ||
| It was a long... | ||
| Kevin used to say it was a funny joke. | ||
| You know how he is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He goes, uh... | ||
| And, like, because everything... | ||
| She's... | ||
| Everything. | ||
| She's down for everything. | ||
| And then, you know, can I stick it in your butt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| Because, did you know, do they sell chicken fingers and pizza? | ||
| So, it was like that. | ||
| Consent shit. | ||
| It's funnier when Kevin do it. | ||
| It's a timing thing. | ||
| Yeah, my bad. | ||
| But that when you were opening for Louis, so that was after the controversy. | ||
| That was after the controversy, man. | ||
| It was like we started doing shows again. | ||
| We went to Portugal together. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Portugal. | ||
| We went to Portugal and then we went to... | ||
| What is it like doing comedy in Portugal? | ||
| It was dope. | ||
| Guess who I hung out with? | ||
| Who? | ||
| The fucking... | ||
| Is he the mayor or the governor on Queen of the South? | ||
| Queen of the South. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's a Netflix thing. | ||
| Oh, I don't know that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What is Queen of the South? | ||
| It's like the biggest one. | ||
| And he plays... | ||
| He's the third lead character. | ||
| Oh, I've never heard of the show. | ||
| Have you heard of Queen of the South? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's so many shows, though. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| This is it right here. | ||
| Which guy did you hang out with? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I never even heard of this fucking show. | ||
| You never? | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's from 2016. How is he not on the first role? | |
| Maybe he lied. | ||
| No, he's like... | ||
| That's him right there. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| The second one. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| That guy right there? | ||
| Yeah, he lives in Portugal. | ||
| How do you say his name? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joaquim de Alameda. | |
| Right? | ||
| Joaquim Alameda? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy? | ||
| So he lives in Portugal? | ||
| It is in Portugal. | ||
| How the fuck is there a show that has been going on since 2016 I'm just hearing about now? | ||
| Man, this is like one of the hottest shows ever. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| There's so many shows. | ||
| Oh, but what about this guy? | ||
| This is my man right here. | ||
| Scroll back down. | ||
| I want you to see this guy. | ||
| Which guy? | ||
| I hate this motherfucker. | ||
| But he's so good that you hating him. | ||
| You hate him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That guy. | |
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Did you see Apocalypto? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That guy was in Apocalypto. | ||
| He just wanted to bone through his face and everything. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| He was. | ||
| Oh, he was amazing. | ||
| Where is he at in Apocalypto? | ||
| Is he up there? | ||
| How do you say his name? | ||
| There he is right there. | ||
| See right there, that's him in Apocalypto. | ||
| Tarasena? | ||
| Tarasena? | ||
| That guy was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, see right there. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| See him in Apocalypto? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And I like the part where he go, he jumped off the waterfall. | ||
| He said, hey, my grandfather hunted in this forest. | ||
| My father hunted in this forest. | ||
| And my son and my son's sons were hunting this forest. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| And they said, no, fuck you. | ||
| And they jumped off the waterfall, too. | ||
| He said, you don't remember that? | ||
| I do remember that. | ||
| Okay, that was a good point, man. | ||
| That movie was amazing. | ||
| That was, man. | ||
| It was a wild ass fucking movie. | ||
| That was a dope movie. | ||
| Apocalypse. | ||
| That guy, he was a fucking asshole. | ||
| He was an asshole? | ||
| Yeah, he's in Queen of the South too. | ||
| He was the main... | ||
| You mean he's an asshole on the show? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, on that show too. | ||
| On Queen of the South too. | ||
| He's that guy's henchman. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| The guy who I hung out with in... | ||
| Portugal. | ||
| He's that guy's henchman. | ||
| What is Queen of the South about? | ||
| Cocaine. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And it's on the cartel level. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Basically, they're big drug dealers who buy it straight from the cartel. | ||
| So, like how Pablo Escobar was the cartel, they're buying from. | ||
| So they would buy it from Pablo and then distribute it. | ||
| Yeah, distribute it. | ||
| They get their hands dirty. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| Then after that we went to Brussels. | ||
| No, we went to Paris. | ||
| Went to Paris. | ||
| What is it like doing stand-up in Paris? | ||
| Snobby. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Really? | ||
| But it was good. | ||
| Yeah, they were good. | ||
| Paris was good. | ||
| Because Louie's girlfriend lives there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| His girlfriend's like one of... | ||
| She's like Ellen... | ||
| Of Paris. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm assuming. | ||
| Yeah, she's nice. | ||
| She's like a real big comedian over there. | ||
| Yeah, and his new special. | ||
| I watched his new special, Sorry. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| His new one, it's funny. | ||
| Very funny. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's getting mixed reviews, but I think it's just because people want to hate him. | ||
| The people that are Louis C.K. fans will love it. | ||
| Will love it. | ||
| I was at the cellar one night. | ||
| The big cellar, the underground. | ||
| He just popped in. | ||
| And I could see the look on the audience's face. | ||
| He did 20 minutes on the prose of suicide. | ||
| And I was like, you can't do this around motherfuckers who weak and drunk, man. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Because there was a lot of people going... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I see his point. | ||
| I see his point. | ||
| Hey, motherfucker, stop talking, man. | ||
| Somebody gonna kill theyself in here, Louie. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| Well, he's always been one of the most prolific guys. | ||
| He used to put out a special every year, which I think is too much. | ||
| I think every couple years, I think you want to give the material time to cook. | ||
| If you're doing a new special every year, generally speaking, I feel like it could use a little bit more time. | ||
| With mine, you'll see a car, and you go, it's a nice car. | ||
| You see it next year, it's got rims, it's a little tenet, it's this. | ||
| Then you see it again, it's fucking been elevated. | ||
| You say, that's the same car, but wow, look at all the shit you done put on it. | ||
| That's how all jokes are. | ||
| Some of them, though, come out right out of the box. | ||
| They're perfect. | ||
| Just boom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's rare, but some of them do. | ||
| Some of them come out right out of the box. | ||
| You don't have to do shit with them. | ||
| But most of them, it takes time. | ||
| It takes a little time to get it right, to get it tuned in. | ||
| I have jokes that I would say 20, 30 years in the making. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's because it's from different parts of my life. | ||
| Like, the first time I did Def Comedy Jam and I did the thing, I said, where the lady sneezed and a booger hit me. | ||
| And the booger was on me and then I said, the transit cop said, hey, did you hit that lady? | ||
| I'm like, man, she put a book on me. | ||
| And then he says, I'm going to kick your ass. | ||
| And I say, well, I was about to run. | ||
| Not because I was afraid, but he was handicapped. | ||
| And everybody go, oh, he wasn't like in a wheelchair. | ||
| He just had like a little arm. | ||
| And I do this whole fight thing. | ||
| We fight. | ||
| And he hits me with the little arm. | ||
| So that shit happened in the sixth grade. | ||
| Because this guy said that I was messing with his sister. | ||
| But it was like sixth grade love taps. | ||
| They was jumping double dutch. | ||
| And I knocked the rope down. | ||
| What little boys do when they like girls. | ||
| But one of his friends liked her. | ||
| So he said, yeah, he was messing with your sister. | ||
| And so my man came over with his boys. | ||
| And he like this. | ||
| And he said, yeah, man, I heard you fucking my sister. | ||
| I'm like, come on, son. | ||
| You don't want this. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Come on, you don't want this. | ||
| Because he had the little arm. | ||
| I'm like, you don't want this. | ||
| So you know how the kids get around, like, ooh, and we squaring up, and I'm doing my thing, you know, and man, next thing I know, he, you know, he had his arm around him. | ||
| We're kind of struggling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he went, bonk. | |
| It just echoed like a hollow coconut. | ||
| Because he hit me. | ||
| With the baby arm? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it was a big joke. | ||
| Maybe that's why things ain't working out for me. | ||
| It's just, you can't... | ||
| It's just hard to explain a bit without doing a bit. | ||
| Yeah, so say a bit like that. | ||
| That little alarm thing happened in sixth grade, whereas the nose thing happened. | ||
| It did happen on the subway. | ||
| But it didn't happen to me, but it was a lady, and it looked kind of crusty right here. | ||
| And I remember she went. | ||
| She sneezed like. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| And then a booger just went. | ||
| Like no one saw but me. | ||
| And went right on the guy next to her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then she like did that in a bubble. | |
| Like where the snot was popped out of there. | ||
| So I just... | ||
| Added it to the bit. | ||
| I twisted it all around. | ||
| I'm like, but look at that. | ||
| That shit was 20 years in the making. | ||
| So when you were in France, they understand English? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So do they laugh at everything? | ||
| No, they don't laugh at everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're very... | |
| So their sense of humor is different? | ||
| No, it's just, with me, I think I have an easier time because I speak slowly and deliberately. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I don't rush, and I don't make it too American, you know? | ||
| I know when I've crossed the bridge, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, when I left Manhattan into, you know, like, I remember speaking to Reggie McFadden, the first time he came to D.C., first time I saw him in D.C., and he's up there telling jokes about the subway. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Yeah, there wasn't again. | ||
| He's like, everyone rides a train. | ||
| Yeah, everybody who lives in New York rides a train. | ||
| And so it was... | ||
| I'd say the easiest country where people speak another language is the Netherlands. | ||
| Because, you know, Dutch is English, French, and German mixed together. | ||
| But Paris... | ||
| That's what Dutch is? | ||
| Yeah, it's English, French, and German mixed together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a combination of three languages? | ||
| Three languages. | ||
| Because you're here and they go... | ||
| Okay, perfect. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| I understood that last part. | ||
| Yeah, so they saw all that together. | ||
| How did Louis do in France? | ||
| Louis killed. | ||
| They understand him totally? | ||
| Yeah, he killed. | ||
| Because it was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was... | |
| It was more of like what you saw Mike Tyson do. | ||
| Like, it's just a soliloquy. | ||
| Instead of just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. | ||
| You know, some valid points, some funny nuances. | ||
| You do. | ||
| And here's a little about me. | ||
| And so when he's up there, like, he's doing like an hour? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And is this in a theater? | ||
| Do they have comedy clubs up there? | ||
| Yeah, it was a small theater. | ||
| As a matter of fact, I think it was called the American Theater. | ||
| Yeah, it was... | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| I would say the spot held about 200, 300. About 200. Because here's the stage, and here are the people... | ||
| They're kind of almost like a coliseum. | ||
| What's that shit called? | ||
| Where they doo-doo flying your food. | ||
| Doodoo flies near food? | ||
| Medieval times. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's that shit. | ||
| You ever been there? | ||
| Oh, you mean like horse shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because there's horses running around? | ||
| Yeah, and everybody's eating and drinking, and the air is just full of horse shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm not... | ||
| No. | ||
| Not smart. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not... | ||
| You can get pizza and hot dogs and pretzels and... | ||
| And they're jousting. | ||
| And they're jousting and shit is flying around. | ||
| Not interested in that. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| So what other countries did you guys do when you were on the tour? | ||
| You did Portugal, you did France? | ||
| Portugal, France, Belgium, and then went to Rotterdam. | ||
| You gotta go to that club in Rotterdam. | ||
| Did you ever do the thing in Rotterdam? | ||
| I've never been to the Netherlands. | ||
| You gotta go. | ||
| They speak English very well. | ||
| Especially in the big cities, like in Amsterdam and in Rotterdam and stuff like that. | ||
| You know, what's his name? | ||
| Tom Rhodes is always over there. | ||
| As a matter of fact, he married a woman from there. | ||
| Well, Tom Rhodes used to have a show over there. | ||
| He used to do like a talk show. | ||
| And it's like it had a different name to it. | ||
| It's like it wasn't Tom Rhodes. | ||
| He was playing a different name. | ||
| I forget what it was called, but it was like Tom Rhodes was the host, but it wasn't the Tom Rhodes show. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| I remember he was... | ||
| It had another name. | ||
| He was over there all the time. | ||
| Yeah, he lived there for a while. | ||
| He was like a star over there. | ||
| And the late night talk show thing, the format was much more relaxed. | ||
| You could say a lot more. | ||
| You could talk about more shit over there. | ||
| The first time it was me, Tony Rock, Godfrey, and Teddy Smith. | ||
| And I just remember us watching television. | ||
| It wasn't cable or no shit like that. | ||
| It was like condom commercials and it'd be two guys. | ||
| And then like you see, like what they're doing now in America. | ||
| You see a family, the dad be black, the mom be white, the little kids be beige and shit. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Because they just wasn't doing that here in America. | ||
| Now it's all over the place. | ||
| We're like, wow. | ||
| It's like these people are progressive and they're very tall. | ||
| They're big people, right? | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| The Kevin Masters show starring Tom Rhodes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like they just had a... | ||
| So it's from 2002 to 2004 in the Netherlands. | ||
| Is that his wife right here? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know who that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just someone he was interviewing, I think. | |
| Just a guest. | ||
| As a matter of fact, the first time we went, it's because Esty fired me. | ||
| From the cellar? | ||
| Yeah, I got there late. | ||
| I'm always late. | ||
| I got there a little late, and Esty said, I can't take it. | ||
| No, no, Tony, I can't take it no more. | ||
| I'm like, but I'm here now because the show's running behind. | ||
| I'm still here for my spot. | ||
| She said, well, yeah, the show's running behind because we had a stall because she wasn't here. | ||
| And then Gotham called. | ||
| He said, we need somebody right now. | ||
| That's when they had the, what was it, 21st? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| He says, we need somebody right now. | ||
| I turn around to walk up the stairs. | ||
| These guys are like, yo, I know this guy that's speaking in Dutch and everything. | ||
| He said, where are you going? | ||
| I said, I'm going to Gotham. | ||
| So they go up to Gotham. | ||
| And the guy who was the host of the show, he goes, listen, everybody in Suriname loves you. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Suriname? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's saying this. | ||
| I just figured this motherfucker had an accent and was mispronouncing Vietnam. | ||
| Because if you see him, he look like he could be Blazian. | ||
| So maybe his dad was over in Vietnam. | ||
| He said, man, everybody in Suriname loves you. | ||
| So then they say, yeah, we're going to bring you. | ||
| And then one guy would say, have you ever been to the Deadlands before? | ||
| And the other guy would say, you're going to love Holland. | ||
| And I'm like, okay, where are you motherfuckers from? | ||
| It's all the same spot. | ||
| And then they call me up to do the show. | ||
| We start going over there to do the show. | ||
| So that's when you started going on tour over in other countries? | ||
| No, that's when I just started going to Holland. | ||
| That was for the Comedy Factory. | ||
| All of us did that, like Patrice, Rich Voss, they used to bring us over there and do that show in Rotterdam. | ||
| That was dope. | ||
| We all ride bicycles. | ||
| Did you go over there and do decadent shit like prostitutes? | ||
| You go see the prostitutes and take pictures. | ||
| That's just it. | ||
| Because, I mean, would you walk into a glass booth with everybody looking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would be sad. | |
| Just call into your room. | ||
| Because it's legal, all that stuff. | ||
| And then they got the weed and the mushrooms and the... | ||
| Space cake. | ||
| I think they're backing off of some of that stuff over there because so many people go over there and get too fucked up, especially on edibles. | ||
| I lost my mind on edibles last time I was there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, if you don't know what you're doing, you eat too much. | |
| Space cakes? | ||
| Yeah, and I get one little piece. | ||
| Yeah, that's all you need. | ||
| And it was like fucking 12 noon, I'm riding my bicycle, go get something to eat, blah, blah, blah, get ready, do the show that night, catch a train to go do the show, come back, and then I'm in the room and I'm laying down. | ||
| I guess that's when that shit kicked in. | ||
| So I'm like, hey man, my feet long. | ||
| I was laying in the bed, but my feet kept going. | ||
| Stretching out. | ||
| I'm like, whoa! | ||
| And it's a good thing I was on the phone because I was like, I don't know something wrong. | ||
| So then I called downstairs and said, hey man, somebody keep trying to get in my room. | ||
| Because what would happen is they had the little Ziploc thing on the door. | ||
| It's not a chain, it's like a zip thing. | ||
| So when I was going to go downstairs to complain that my bed... | ||
| It's making my feet long. | ||
| I was opening the door, and it goes, and then I go, shut it back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's when I call and say, yo, man, somebody trying to break in my goddamn room right there. | |
| And I was on the phone, and she says, I'll call. | ||
| The Marriott, and ask them to... | ||
| So my man comes upstairs, he goes... | ||
| He goes, Mr. Woods. | ||
| I'm like, what's up? | ||
| And then I open the door. | ||
| He goes, you have to... | ||
| I'm like, oh yeah. | ||
| Take that off me. | ||
| Come in. | ||
| He goes, are you okay? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I'm good. | ||
| Why? | ||
| He goes, someone called and said that you're having a problem with your feet. | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| Listen, somebody's trying to get in my room. | ||
| Then he says, have you had anything? | ||
| Have you indulged yourself? | ||
| He says, you're not going back out tonight. | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| He says, they gave me some water. | ||
| He said, drink this water. | ||
| And he went into the mini bar and gave me some candy. | ||
| He said, eat that. | ||
| He says, there's no charge. | ||
| Just, you know. | ||
| It would be nice if you did not go out tonight, Mr. Woods. | ||
| I'm alright. | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| And then, of course, they went back downstairs, and of course I called them back because somebody was still trying to get in my room. | ||
| So did you go on stage that night? | ||
| No, I had already been on stage. | ||
| The fucking day was over. | ||
| I had done that at 12 noon. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm like, what if that shit had kicked in when I was out in the street, man? | ||
| Because, you know, bicycles are like rush hour. | ||
| It was like Beijing over there. | ||
| The bicycles and, like, you know, yeah. | ||
| And that was one little corner. | ||
| And the kid who gave it to me, it was another comedian's son. | ||
| He was like 30. But anyway, he says, yo, that space cake was horrible. | ||
| It was the worst. | ||
| It was this. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Bitch, I lost my mind last night. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Those people with tolerance, man. | ||
| People that have too much tolerance for marijuana, they'll fucking ruin it for you. | ||
| Like Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey Diaz can put that shit away. | ||
| I've been on planes with him before. | ||
| He's eaten like... | ||
| 200-milligram stars of death throwing two, three down his throat at the same time. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's hard to believe, but I've seen it. | ||
| I borrowed my son's car. | ||
| I drove his car, and he always loved gummy bears. | ||
| I just, you know, while I'm driving, just... | ||
| And then I went to go get some, went to go get something done at Kinko's, get something copied or something like that. | ||
| And the lady says, what do you want us to do? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know how to work this machine. | ||
| She says, okay, you put your card in, you press start. | ||
| I'm like, I still don't know how to work this machine. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| Did you know that the gummy bears were weed? | ||
| I did not fucking know. | ||
| But I was like, I figured it out after. | ||
| How many did you have? | ||
| It's like a small bag of them. | ||
| I ain't holding them motherfuckers. | ||
| He owes me. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm like, come on, one bag of candy, all the bags of candy, I done bought you, boy. | ||
| So it's good, man. | ||
| So do you have an idea of where you want to do your special? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I wanted to do it at Super Funny. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Nate Jackson's Super Funny Club in Tacoma. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You know him? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| The only thing I've done at Tacoma, I did a show with Dave out there. | ||
| Nate Jackson, he plays Junkyard Dog on Young Rock, the TV show. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| On the Young Rock TV show. | ||
| And I just like his club. | ||
| And I like that, what do I call it? | ||
| The Dead Crow. | ||
| I like the Dead Crow, and I like the comedy works. | ||
| I'm trying to think of what other clubs. | ||
| These are clubs that I just feel... | ||
| So when you do, if you do a special at a club, how many shows do you want to film? | ||
| Do you want to film two, four? | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| That's what Dave was saying. | ||
| How many do you want to do? | ||
| I just like to do one and go, I like that one. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| I know you're not supposed to do that, I heard. | ||
| Well, it's just, there's a lot of pressure. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Sometimes you have a lot of pressure. | ||
| The pressure is when the execs go, so, have you prepared your set yet? | ||
| Oh, they want to go over your material with you. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| For the Tiffany thing. | ||
| They said that they wanted it typed out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| So I just got some old shit. | ||
| And this woman, as a matter of fact, the woman from my podcast, Maya, that's what she does, like, in court or whatever. | ||
| A stenographer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So she just transcribes the set. | |
| And then so when we did the thing, you know, one of the people, she was like, oh, so you changed it around. | ||
| I changed what around. | ||
| She said, because you didn't do the bit about this. | ||
| I'm like, oh yeah, I haven't done that shit in 20 years. | ||
| So you wrote out the set, but you wrote it out totally different. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't get a fuck with it. | ||
| I just said, because they kept pressuring me like, yo, send us a COVID test and send us the transcript. | ||
| I sent them the COVID test and he's like, okay, we wanted the transcript. | ||
| I'm like, mm-mm. | ||
| I gave money back once. | ||
| Well, I canceled a special once, because I was on the phone with these executives, and we were going with material, and they're like, well, this has to change. | ||
| You can't say this like that. | ||
| You can't say this. | ||
| And I was like, we're good. | ||
| I go, we're done. | ||
| I quit. | ||
| I go, I'm not doing it. | ||
| I go, I'm going to do it somewhere else. | ||
| I'll do it on my own. | ||
| There's no way I'm doing this special. | ||
| We can't do this. | ||
| You can't tell me what I can and can't say. | ||
| When I did the Comedy Central special, The Half House special. | ||
| There's a part when I said I smoked weed and I stepped into the television. | ||
| And I went to Africa. | ||
| And they were like... | ||
| They were doing this. | ||
| And I said, these ain't hands. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And I forgot. | ||
| And I think the guy's like, maybe we should go with boobies. | ||
| Boobies? | ||
| Something about boobies. | ||
| Because I said titties. | ||
| I say titties in the same way. | ||
| He said, maybe we should go with boobies. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And I was like, I said, how long have you been doing comedy? | ||
| He said, no, I'm just, I forgot his title for comedy. | ||
| Executive, whatever. | ||
| Yeah, I said, all right. | ||
| And then so, boom, that went through all the little bullet points of what I was going to do and all that shit. | ||
| Of course I didn't do it. | ||
| And then they go, well, you didn't do it. | ||
| I'm like, aw, man, I forgot. | ||
| You should've gave me that list. | ||
| It's the worst is when they try to give you an alternative word. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| And you gotta understand. | ||
| You don't even understand funny. | ||
| Oh, fuck it. | ||
| And plus, he like... | ||
| Man. | ||
| Every time I watch one of these shows, somebody gets a check for editing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, put that motherfucker to work. | ||
| Because I'm going to say what I'm going to say. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What the fuck is he doing here? | ||
| If you're telling me what to say, look. | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| Go to the editing room, man. | ||
| Hey, you fired, motherfucker, because I got to do my own editing. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| So you literally don't know when you're doing it. | ||
| You don't know where you're doing it. | ||
| And Dave said, just call me when you're ready. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I feel like I have to step in and help. | ||
| Come on in, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm ready. | |
| I feel like I have to call Dave and go, Dave, I was talking to Tony and we got to work this out. | ||
| We got to make this happen. | ||
| You know how people say that we remind each other of each other a little bit. | ||
| A little, but I think you definitely influence his style. | ||
| But I don't mean the comedy way. | ||
| I mean just kind of in the personality. | ||
| Relaxed. | ||
| I watched the podcast. | ||
| He sat up in here in the podcast with you. | ||
| And he said, listen, we're going to have to do this for real. | ||
| I'm going to come back and we're going to do it for real. | ||
| And I'm like, you just did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He just did it. | |
| He's like, yeah, I'm going to come back. | ||
| And we're gonna do it. | ||
| You know, we'll probably do it on such and such time. | ||
| And you're like, all right, yeah, all right, cool. | ||
| You're like, we got it. | ||
| We good. | ||
| Well, that's the thing with Dave. | ||
| He marches to the beat of his own drummer, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, see, I'm 10 years old. | ||
| And they got a lot of different titles for people who march to the beat of their drum. | ||
| And they got all kind of stuff in there. | ||
| Back then they used to say, oh he's simple. | ||
| They called me simple. | ||
| Simple was before people used good words like autistic and stuff. | ||
| The first time I heard somebody say autistic, because the little boy was jumping on The couch with his fucking snow boots on. | ||
| And his father goes, hey, don't yell at him because he's autistic. | ||
| I'm like, I don't give a fuck if he can paint. | ||
| I'm just saying, son. | ||
| Tell Picasso to get off my couch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that's because I didn't know what it meant. | |
| I didn't know what it meant. | ||
| I'm not a bad person to everybody, but I guess a lot of people can say, maybe karma's keeping you from that special. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it feels like you just need someone to corral you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Point you in the right direction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because once you're up there, once you're on stage, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I feel like if someone just points a camera at you for five shows, one of them is going to be A+. I think it would be better if nobody told me the cameras are there. | ||
| That's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think if these motherfuckers hide the cameras... | ||
| And then they would say something like, okay, see that right there? | ||
| That's the camera. | ||
| And I would go, don't look like a camera. | ||
| They'd say, don't worry, Tony, that's the camera. | ||
| And see that over there? | ||
| That's the camera. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| But the camera's really somewhere else. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I would just go. | ||
| Well, the thing is about when you do five shows, it's like you just get used to the fact that the cameras are four shows. | ||
| You'll get used to the fact there's a camera on you, and it won't mean anything to you. | ||
| Yeah, I never, yeah, well, cameras never mean nothing, especially when they be going. | ||
| Three, two, one. | ||
| No, I'm talking about when they telling me to wrap up. | ||
| Oh, that. | ||
| And they go, and they go. | ||
| And they got the red light is blinking on top of the camera. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would just go, my bad. | ||
| I did 20 minutes on BET's Comic View one time, too. | ||
| How much time were you supposed to do? | ||
| I think four to seven minutes. | ||
| That was the last one. | ||
| Well, if you're the last one, what's the big deal? | ||
| I said to Bruce Bruce, come on, motherfucker. | ||
| Last one. | ||
| He said, well, I ain't the one you got to worry about. | ||
| Well, then why the fuck you say something to me, dawg? | ||
| Listen, it's all good. | ||
| Because I think it was the end of the series. | ||
| And I was just going, going. | ||
| I had drove 17 hours to get to New Orleans. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, because they gave me money to fly down. | ||
| But I said, fuck that. | ||
| I'm going to drive. | ||
| And drove down there and did the thing. | ||
| And it was good, man. | ||
| I guess he's like, you know, we had plans. | ||
| We was going to go, I don't know. | ||
| I was like, damn, man. | ||
| He said, but it was produced by Ruby Red. | ||
| He said, well, I ain't the one you got to worry about. | ||
| All right, then. | ||
| Did you have to worry about anybody? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was basically, you know how one of your siblings might say to you, oh, you're going to get it. | ||
| And then you go, am I in trouble with you? | ||
| He goes, no, I ain't the one you got to worry about. | ||
| Well, then... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Wait till Dad get here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's let it go. | ||
| It's all good, man. | ||
| Well, whenever your special does come out, please let me know so we can let everybody know. | ||
| I'm going to do my special in Austin. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| That's my name. | ||
| We're going to call it the Why Not Special. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| Is it good places here? | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of great places here. | ||
| Do you have a night? | ||
| I thought that you would have a night down here. | ||
| I do Tuesdays and Wednesdays at the Vulcan Gas Company. | ||
| Where's that at? | ||
| It's on 6th Street. | ||
| Today is Tuesday? | ||
| Yeah, I do Tuesday night. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| My flight leaves today. | ||
| Well, next time. | ||
| Whenever your special comes out, we'll have you back. | ||
| Hey, but check it out. | ||
| Can I plug some shit? | ||
| Yeah, plug some shit. | ||
| Ooh, I forgot almost, man. | ||
| TonyWoods.com? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| You got a website? | ||
| No, I ain't got a website. | ||
| You don't have a website? | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| I'm plugging my show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Plug your show. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| On the 30th of December, I'll be at the Arlington Cinema and Draft House. | ||
| It's called Tony Woods and Friends. | ||
| The shirt that I gave you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Tony Woods and Friends. | ||
| And then, damn, I can't think of the other show. | ||
| I got some more shows. | ||
| But this Thursday... | ||
| I think they sent them to me. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think they sent me an email. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on, I'm sorry. | |
| This Thursday, Arlington Cinema and Draft House. | ||
| In Arlington, Virginia. | ||
| Not Texas. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| Where's he at? | ||
| Man, this is... | ||
| So y'all edit this up? | ||
| This is gonna come out to be like a half hour? | ||
| No, it's two fucking hours. | ||
| We're not editing shit. | ||
| We've been up here for like four hours. | ||
| No, it's two hours. | ||
| We have? | ||
| Yeah, we've been doing it for two hours. | ||
| I was having so much fun, you know. | ||
| I'm trying to find this email. | ||
| I know they sent me an email asking me to talk about some shit. | ||
| Oh, Jason? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Okay, I got it in front of me. | ||
| Okay, on December 30th, Arlington Drafthouse in Arlington, Virginia. | ||
| January 13th through the 15th, Atlanta Comedy Theater in Atlanta, Georgia. | ||
| January 16th and 17th, Hard Knocks, Laughs in Las Vegas. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| It's in Vegas. | ||
| That's in Vegas. | ||
| Hard Knocks, Laughs, Las Vegas. | ||
| February 11th and 12th, Wiley's in Dayton, Ohio. | ||
| And then March 31st to April 2nd, Sidesplitters. | ||
| But also, wait, I got something in Chicago, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| They didn't give me that? | ||
| Nah, because he didn't book that. | ||
| That's not in the thing. | ||
| You don't have a website? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Do you have social media? | ||
| Yeah, I got it. | ||
| Yeah, you got an Instagram page, right? | ||
| Hold up. | ||
| Does your Instagram page have your dates on it? | ||
| You should probably put them up there. | ||
| Man, you know, because people always talk about they get a blue dot and they say... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Man, you got to up your followers. | ||
| I'm like, I don't need... | ||
| How many followers do you have? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But yeah, I'm going to be at Riddles in Chicago on January the 7th and 8th. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Did we already call those dates? | ||
| We called the other dates. | ||
| We didn't call that one. | ||
| I don't have the Riddles in Chicago one. | ||
| I got the Arlington Drafthouse one, Atlanta Comedy Theater in Atlanta, Hard Knocks in Vegas, and then Wiley's Dayton, Ohio. | ||
| Well, the 7th and 8th is before that. | ||
| That's right after me. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| For some reason, I don't have that on this list. | ||
| Yeah, see, that's me. | ||
| Okay, we got it now. | ||
| Tony Woods, you're a bad motherfucker. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| It's great to see you. | ||
| It's been a long time. | ||
| It's been a long time. | ||
| It has been. | ||
| Without a strong rhyme to step to. | ||
| I hate you talking with everybody about killing these caribou and stuff. | ||
| I want to see this. | ||
| I mean, the one out... | ||
| What is that one? | ||
| That's a deer. | ||
| That's a white-tailed deer. | ||
| Oh, that. | ||
| This is just brass. | ||
| That's a gorilla, right? | ||
| It's a chimpanzee, yeah. | ||
| There's an artist who made that for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I have a bear coat. | ||
| A bear coat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where'd you get it? | ||
| Fairbanks, Alaska. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| So it's grizzly bear. | ||
| It's a brown bear. | ||
| Brown bear. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So we went to this little outpost place, and it's just a blanket on the wall. | ||
| I'm like, what's that? | ||
| He says, well, people hunt. | ||
| Get a brown bear. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm like, well, how much is that? | ||
| He's like, $150. | ||
| I said, all right. | ||
| This is like in the 90s. | ||
| 150. Put it in a trash bag. | ||
| Came back. | ||
| Took it to this place in Bethesda, Maryland. | ||
| I said, can you make this to a coat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they cleaned it because it's fleas. | ||
| It was nasty shit. | ||
| And cleaned it up. | ||
| And I remember I went to Uno's Pizzeria. | ||
| This is in Chevy Chase, Maryland. | ||
| I go to Bethesda area. | ||
| I go... | ||
| And the guy, he beeps me. | ||
| He said, can you come back? | ||
| I come back, and he's like, son, where'd you get this? | ||
| I'm like, I was in Alaska. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they go, son, it's on an endangered species. | |
| So they put a line. | ||
| It's a beautiful coat. | ||
| They're not on the endangered species list. | ||
| They were worried. | ||
| They were worried? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm going to show you my coat, man. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| See, because it seems like everything I see on your Joe Rogan podcast, people don't believe me. | ||
| Oh, they don't believe you? | ||
| That's why, because somebody told me not to mention mermaids. | ||
| Don't mention mermaids? | ||
| I saw a mermaid. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When? | ||
| It's the Shells, Africa. | ||
| You saw an actual mermaid? | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| It was a swimming person. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How long ago was this? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Ask Will Silvins. | ||
| You think there's like a small population of mermaids that are out there? | ||
| But anyway, me and this little French boy, and they said, don't swim in the lagoon after dark. | ||
| Everybody's up at the bar, and so everybody's going to go there. | ||
| Everybody's kind of racing there. | ||
| So me and him go there. | ||
| Me and him get in the water. | ||
| From a distance, you see something coming like a fucking missile, but it's going fast, and we both kind of stop. | ||
| And then it turns and it jumps out of the water, and it's maybe at least 10, 12 feet long, man. | ||
| And they do like this, and they look at both of us and go... | ||
| The water was only about this deep. | ||
| Didn't make a splash or nothing. | ||
| And then me and him turn the fuck around. | ||
| We running. | ||
| And everybody's coming down there laughing, got their drinks in their hand. | ||
| We're like, no, fuck that. | ||
| And the little boy in French and his mom is apologizing to me, saying he has a very vivid imagination. | ||
| He said, no, bitch, listen, we saw a fish man. | ||
| And it wasn't like a mermaid. | ||
| Didn't look feminine at all. | ||
| Look at math. | ||
| A fucking man. | ||
| A fucking dude who said get the fuck out the pool. | ||
| Basically, he was like Aquaman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He didn't go hanging out the water. | |
| Did it look like a fish person or a human being? | ||
| Did it have scales? | ||
| It was kind of dark. | ||
| Dark like a dolphin? | ||
| No, but the back of him was fish. | ||
| The back of him was fish. | ||
| His head Was humanoid, eyes about so big. | ||
| Then, if you Google it, the lagoons of Seychelles. | ||
| And I ain't the first person to see some shit in them waters. | ||
| And the guy who does the horseback riding, you know, you can ride horses, he said, how old are you? | ||
| And I told him, he said, you're from America, right? | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| He said, so at this age, pretty much if you see a turtle, and I tell you that's not a turtle, He says, you know it's a turtle. | ||
| You're at age, you know what you saw. | ||
| He says, people pay a lot of money at this resort. | ||
| He says, yeah, it's maybe not a good idea to go around going, I saw a mermaid. | ||
| And he goes, Mike, he's saying how long his family has been fishing in these waters. | ||
| He says, and he's heard some things. | ||
| He says, I've heard some things like what you said. | ||
| He says, I've never seen what you say you saw. | ||
| But it's not the first time I heard that. | ||
| And I said, thank you. | ||
| But basically he was saying, if you ask me to co-sign that shit, fuck you. | ||
| You're going to be crazy by yourself. | ||
| So who told you not to talk about mermaids? | ||
| Nobody told me not to talk about mermaids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You said that. | |
| I just said that. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Because I'm like, if y'all don't believe Dakota's bare... | ||
| You definitely won't believe the mermaid story. | ||
| Well, I definitely believe the code is bare. | ||
| Yeah, I got it from my outfit. | ||
| It bleeds and all kinds of shit on it. | ||
| Tony Woods, thanks for being here, man. | ||
| Yeah, thank you, man. | ||
| Let me know when your special comes out. | ||
| We'll let everybody know. | ||
| I'm sure it'll be hilarious. | ||
| You're going to Google mermaids? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm trying. | |
| He's trying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I found it, I would have brought it up. | |
| He's not going to find it. | ||
| And it was in the lagoons around, like, you know, like how you know how the island is shaped like this and like in the lagoon part. | ||
| Well, they say they've only discovered 10% of the ocean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, so maybe he's in the other 90. Alright, man. | |
| Alright, Tony Woods, thank you. | ||
| And on Instagram, you're Tony Woods, right? | ||
| Tony Woods with a Z. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I think. | ||
| Let me look. | ||
| Yeah, Tony Woods with a Z. Tony Woods, yeah. | ||
| Was there another Tony Woods with an S? I don't know, but I'm the first Tony Woods in the world. | ||
| Like, if you Google me, I'm the first Tony Woods ever. | ||
| Well, you should be. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| Alright, brother. | ||
| Thank you very much for being here, man. | ||
| Appreciate you. | ||
| I see you at the Arlington Draft House on Thursday. | ||
| All those places that we listed. | ||
| Chicago, Vegas. | ||
| Joe, this is the best podcast I've ever done today. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You were great today. | ||
| No, this was the best one ever, man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I thank you, man. | ||
| I feel humbled. | ||
| And proud. | ||
| I mean, you know, a lot of people say I just kind of go in the seat of my pants. | ||
| But I actually was up and ready and prepared. | ||
| Ask anybody, I got here early. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did. | |
| I don't ever do that. | ||
| Well, it was great to have you here, man. | ||
| All right, man. | ||
| Love you, man. | ||
| Love you too, brother. | ||
| Happy New Year. |
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