Super Show Antibodies
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The Joe Rogan Experience.
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Train by day.
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Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
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All day.
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This is basically a super show, ladies and gentlemen.
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Shane Gillis.
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Hey, super spreader of love.
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Ari Shafir.
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And Mark Norman with a mask on.
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He's got a shtick going.
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Just want to be safe.
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We just saw your antibodies.
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We all have antibodies except Ari.
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I have other things, guys.
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I'm on a different level.
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You have the most bitch-ass antibody line from that vaccine.
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Auschwitz!
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And you had it in June?
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So July, August, September, October, November.
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Five months, it's useless.
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Five months.
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Useless.
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Does nothing.
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The weaker people.
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And yet I've never gotten it.
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I've survived everything.
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Overdoses.
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It's amazing.
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It's amazing.
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Yeah, resilience.
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Maybe it's all the drugs.
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Maybe it's the drugs.
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Kills everything else.
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Kills brain cells.
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Can't kill those cells.
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Right.
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That's good.
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I like how you're thinking.
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Prove me wrong.
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Fauci hasn't weighed in on that.
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Well, there was a lot of talk about people that smoke cigarettes.
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They were saying that people that smoke cigarettes are less likely to catch it, and they were trying to figure out why.
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And someone made this theory, said, well, you've got to think about what cigarettes are.
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It's hot smoke.
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You're taking in hot smoke in your lungs in the very area where coronavirus replicates in your throat and in your nostrils.
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So these people, I mean, it's a dumb idea.
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It's not like smoking cigarettes will kill.
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Maybe that works.
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We're saying it for a little bit, right?
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You'd have to smoke a lot.
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You'd have to do it like, you know, like Wiz Khalifa style.
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Being inactive and drinking has helped me.
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Yeah.
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You get into less bad situations.
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Yeah.
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I just haven't gotten...
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Well, I got it.
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Well, you got it.
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You guys both got it.
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I'm fighting it off, dude.
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Yeah.
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All three of you got it, I believe.
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I was recently exposed.
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Yeah, you were.
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Shane just went through it.
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Sorry about that.
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You have the other line.
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You have the lower line that's a recent exposure line.
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Mark Norman, you've got some fat ass antibodies.
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How do you feel about that?
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I don't know if they're that fat.
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Mine were fat as hell.
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His were thin.
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I was gonna get to that.
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You got a hell of a piece.
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Joe was chirping until he saw my lines.
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Yours is exactly the same as mine.
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Yeah, I know.
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Calm down a little.
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Well, congratulations on being like me.
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When you've been canceled, your line gets thicker.
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Better or worse.
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The more you get canceled, it builds up your social immunity as well.
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I've been through one in like a year and a half, so mine are all weekend.
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Time for another death tweet.
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Get Chappelle in here.
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It'll be this thick.
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Yeah, right now.
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But meanwhile, when the guy goes on stage, I filmed him going on stage when we did New Orleans or Nashville?
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I think New Orleans.
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It's the fucking craziest sound you've ever heard in your life.
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Really?
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Oh my god, they're so happy he's there.
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How was New Orleans, though?
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Because they can be notoriously shitty audiences.
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They were great.
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It was wild.
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It was wild.
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No, it was wild.
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The same thing with Louis.
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When he went up to the cellar, it was always like explosions.
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Yeah.
Chappelle's Complex Comments
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People are happy.
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It's a small percentage of very loud people that are canceling him, and all of them didn't see the special.
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That's why there's no quotes.
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If you notice the thing about Chappelle, all the hate...
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One word quotes.
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He finds them, quote unquote, funny.
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Yeah.
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I had a guy on the other day, Rob Kearney, who goes by the name World's Strongest Gay on Instagram.
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He's a power lifter who happens to be a gay guy.
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And that was the thing that bothered him.
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He said that he finds him...
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Chappelle saying he finds him funny, he thought was...
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At some point, aren't we all just supposed to be like, whatever this is is a misquote.
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Anything you're exposed to is probably a misquote.
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Like, everyone.
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If you're not hearing it in context, in the same special, Chappelle literally talks about being molested and jerking off in a man's face.
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That's funny.
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And he beat up a lesbian in the special.
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No one cares about that.
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Exactly.
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About who's tenderizing her titties.
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He was hitting her with lefts and rights.
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It's absurd to the extreme, and yet they focus on one thing he says as if it's a statement.
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Yeah.
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You know, as if he's giving an affidavit.
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People are done with it.
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And then they all walk out, but there was like real strikes at John Deere and Kellogg that nobody cared about.
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What was the real strikes?
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Yeah, they were all getting horrible work conditions, so they all striked.
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Well, what about the sanitation workers in New York City?
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That's what's crazy.
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They could bring the city to their knees.
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Those are the most important people in the city.
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They get paid the least.
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NYPD, too.
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Yeah, well, NYPD, there's quite a few, and the fire department, too.
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They're shutting down a bunch of firehouses because they don't want to get vaccinated.
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It's crazy, man.
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Sanitation's striking over that?
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Yeah.
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Vaccination mandates.
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They have the utmost power.
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Yes.
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You've got to train to come in.
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Anybody can be a teacher.
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I lived in New York when it went really bad in the 90s.
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In the 90s, there was a sanitation strike that lasted a long time, and there was fucking six-foot piles of garbage.
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Wow.
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Is that every night?
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Yeah.
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It feels like that.
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Damn!
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It's like, it moves?
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You ever see the move?
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Oh, the rats.
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And the hobos.
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The rats are insane.
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They're insane.
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The rats are just running around.
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You ever seen that documentary on Netflix?
James Bond's Parachute Trick
00:13:15
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Rats?
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Yeah.
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I can't watch that shit.
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When you find out how many rats are actually in New York City, you're like, oh my god, the same biomass as people, if not more.
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Yeah, imagine.
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You ever jump down on the tracks before, on the subway?
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No.
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I used to skateboard.
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My board rolled down there, and I was like 21, so I was a young cum guzzler, and I just jumped down there to grab it, and it was just rats everywhere scurrying, and then everybody's like, what are you, crazy?
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And I jumped out, and it's...
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Uh, deceivingly tall, that ledge, so like it comes up to here, which is hard to get up.
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I had to get up and then, you know, I made it, but I was covered in shit.
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Well, here's the other thing, like grabbing something and holding onto a wall with your hands and pulling yourself up and then getting your upper body, it takes a lot of strength.
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Yeah, I can't get out of a pool.
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I gotta do the thing where I like lay.
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You ever see that thing that people do in a bar called a muscle-up?
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Where you start from a hanging sit-up and then you push all the way up.
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Fucking very hard to do.
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You see that guy fall off the building who tried to do it but there's nothing to grab onto?
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In Tokyo or wherever?
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Yeah.
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He tried to do pull-ups, you know, the parkour pull-ups, and then he was like, couldn't do the last one, and he was like, oh, shit.
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And you see him go, what am I going to do?
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And then he's just like, the guy's filming from across the way, and he's just like, nope, and then it falls.
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Yeah, there was those dudes that were taking pictures, like, filming themselves, like Russian kids.
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I think his was on, like, a crane.
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He went to, like, the edge of a crane.
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His arms just gave out to me.
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Oh, Ari's going to show it to us.
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He hung there for, like, a minute.
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Jamie's going to show it to us.
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That's a big TV. It's a big TV. That's not the one I saw.
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Fucking Russians, man.
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They're crazy.
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My hands are sweating just watching this.
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No, it's Asian.
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This might be a Mexican on the wall.
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Man who scales China.
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Oh, look at him.
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He's on top of the building, chilling.
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This is rough.
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Jesus Christ.
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He's a baller.
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Right here.
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He's like, I can do anything.
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What?
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Are they going to show the drop?
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Yeah.
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Not all the way down.
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Anyone else hard?
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Where does he know he's not going to be able to get back up?
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So he's hanging?
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He's fine right there.
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Don't push it.
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Don't push it.
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Why'd you push it?
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He's doing two chin-ups.
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That's it.
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That should be enough.
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That should be enough.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, Jesus.
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Oh, no.
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It's done.
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He's got to make one jump.
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It's like that Free Fall movie with the guy, the rock climber.
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Oh, shit.
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Oh, he's fucked.
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He's fucked.
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This is the end.
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He should say...
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What do you do there?
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You die.
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You say a prayer.
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Oh!
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Oh my god, and that is so far.
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Oh, jeez, Luis.
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What a way to start.
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My hands are so sweaty.
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You know James Kingston?
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Do you know who he is?
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He's the guy who's been on the podcast a few years back, and he does a lot of those videos with GoPros, and he put one up on his Instagram page today of him walking on the top of the Eiffel Tower, and you're watching him do it, and it's just like, oh...
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Eiffel?
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Eiffel.
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I said Eiffel, right?
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Yeah.
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I fucked it up.
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But he's walking on the top of this tower on these beams, like, just, you know, four inches wide.
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And he's balancing himself.
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Look at this.
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Yeah.
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Wow!
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This is where a black guy goes, this is white people shit.
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Yes!
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100% white people shit.
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Oh, Jesus Christ!
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Oh, man!
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This just drives me nuts.
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Beautiful city.
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You ever see the guy try to test out a flight suit on the Eiffel Tower?
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No.
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There's a guy trying to fly.
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Did it not work?
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No, it's great.
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He just dies in front of everyone.
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He's like, everyone invented flight.
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Bro, the worst one I ever saw.
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Just try to save it.
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Just straight down.
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The worst one I ever saw was these people on a bridge and this guy in a flight suit was timing it where he was going to fly through the bridge and he missed it.
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And he slams right into the side of the bridge with this loud clang.
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This is him?
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He's like, watch this.
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Check this shit out.
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1912. Look at that thing.
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It's like a blanket.
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That guy was suicidal.
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He just wanted everybody to watch.
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He got a permit for this.
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What kind of permits did they have?
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- Oh, geez. - Oh my God.
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- Oh. - Oh. - Oh. - That was no wrong brother.
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Look at this.
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The parachute failed to deploy and he plummeted 187 feet to his death.
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His right leg and arm were crushed, his skull and spine broken, and he was seen bleeding from his mouth, nose, and ears.
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He didn't even a little bit get it.
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No.
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No glide at all.
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Rewind a little.
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I think they dragged him away.
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I don't think there was any, like, don't move him.
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That's how they did it back then.
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Yeah.
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They just didn't want him to leave a puddle.
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Like, ah, it didn't work.
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Oh my god, they're dragging him away.
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Everything's crushed.
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They're holding on to his broken leg.
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Look at the indentation he made in the ground.
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Look, they're measuring it.
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He was still less injured than Tom Segura.
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This was entertainment back then.
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This was pre-internet.
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Like, hey, here are guys jumping off the thing.
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Yeah, let's go.
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Wow.
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Wow.
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I don't understand that stuff.
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I don't even understand parachute people.
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Like, why do you want to do that?
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You've never skydived?
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No.
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I've never done it either.
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You say it like I should have done it.
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You feel like you have.
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I thought you did a podcast in the air.
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I see you guys skydiving.
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I would, but I don't want to.
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I would have, but my dad did it in the army when Arabs were shooting at him, so it feels like a pussy move to be like, I did it for fun with the dude straps in my asshole.
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That's hilarious.
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It looks awesome, and everybody says after you do it, it's like the most refreshing, best moment of your life, but I got no desire.
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I think that first part of just having a guy strapped me.
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That ruins it.
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I bet you get used to being up there after like two seconds, so you're just like, How many times do you have to do it before you can do it on your own?
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Five?
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Just go to a cheaper place.
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You can do it once if no one's looking.
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Just go to South America.
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It's like some of those dive sites like, is this Patty?
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It's whatever you want it to be.
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25 jumps.
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Oh, man, I was way off.
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That's a lot, though.
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That's a lot.
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And that ain't cheap, either.
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Yeah.
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And you gotta take a class, so fuck that.
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Red Band's dad worked in this office building with this person, I think it was a lady, that was really into skydiving and was always trying to get him to go skydiving.
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And one day, he shows up Monday morning, and the person's not there.
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I think it was a lady.
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And he's like, where is she?
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And you're like...
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Didn't make it.
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Skydived, parachute didn't deploy.
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Bounced off the ground like a fucking frisbee.
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I feel like your business is done then.
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Well, that job you need to find a new person for.
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Yeah.
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You cash in for a week or two while people sell their reservations.
► 00:11:37
But that's a bad trip advisor.
► 00:11:39
Yeah, yeah.
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It's over.
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You know, that Yelp review.
► 00:11:41
I heard about a guy who survived, his parachute didn't deploy, and he fell through a barn, and he lived.
► 00:11:45
Whoa!
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He fell through a barn, through the roof of a barn, and into like stacks of hay, and actually survived.
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You gotta believe in God after that.
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You better.
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Imagine going through all that, but I can't believe it.
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Second lease on life, and then you go home, and your wife is still a cunt.
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Or you come home, and she's fucking some guy because she thought you were dead.
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Like, God damn it.
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Like, you didn't even wait until tomorrow?
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You're just in there trying to fuck a horse, and a guy flies through the ceiling.
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Right.
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That's a sign to keep going?
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You ever seen the bridge?
► 00:12:15
The bridge documentary where the guys jump off the bridge?
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It's called the bridge.
► 00:12:20
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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San Francisco.
► 00:12:21
A friend of mine just did that.
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He died?
► 00:12:23
Yeah, just committed suicide there.
► 00:12:25
Oh, off that bridge?
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Guy I've known for...
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No, Donald's alive.
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Guy I've known for more than 20 years, yeah.
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Damn.
► 00:12:32
And that's the bridge he picked?
► 00:12:34
Yeah, that's the one.
► 00:12:35
Parachute plummets through roof into kitchen of California house.
► 00:12:39
Man survived the fall after a chute failed to open.
► 00:12:41
Wow.
► 00:12:42
Wow, in the kitchen.
► 00:12:44
Interesting.
► 00:12:45
That one in New York with a guy falling off onto the car?
► 00:12:49
Oh, that was crazy.
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Yeah, nine stories.
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All he had was like a busted arm.
► 00:12:53
You see that?
► 00:12:53
Yeah, he had a Tom Segura arm.
► 00:12:55
Yeah.
► 00:12:55
Everyone's like, stop moving, but he's so shook.
► 00:12:58
Did someone throw him out of the window?
► 00:13:01
I think they think someone threw him out of the window.
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There was an investigation.
► 00:13:05
He looked like the kind of guy that someone with 39 stories.
► 00:13:09
Is this another one?
► 00:13:11
This is 2010. 29 stories landed on a car and survived.
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He came down feet first at like a hundred miles an hour.
► 00:13:22
Feet first!
► 00:13:23
Andrew Petrocelli, a maintenance worker.
► 00:13:25
I saw this fucking guy, he told the New York Daily News.
► 00:13:28
It's a miracle if I've ever seen one.
► 00:13:30
He should be a goner.
► 00:13:31
It was like that movie Unbreakable.
► 00:13:33
That movie Unbreakable, the guy broke all the time.
► 00:13:36
You fucking idiot.
► 00:13:37
That was this guy, Unbreakable.
► 00:13:38
That was this guy, Unbreakable.
► 00:13:39
That guy did not watch that movie.
► 00:13:40
Nah.
► 00:13:41
It's good he had that reference handy.
► 00:13:42
Isn't that movie about, like...
► 00:13:43
No, he got that one right.
► 00:13:45
You're thinking glass.
► 00:13:45
Wasn't Samuel Jackson?
► 00:13:46
Oh, that's right.
► 00:13:47
Yeah.
► 00:13:47
Unbreakable is the guy who survived the train.
► 00:13:49
I bet somebody gave him that line.
► 00:13:51
Like, he was talking about it before the press got there, and somebody's like, it's like Unbreakable, and they just co-opted it.
► 00:13:55
Oh, and then Glass was like the sequel to that?
► 00:13:58
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
► 00:13:59
Okay, that's what confused me.
► 00:14:01
Right, like, Bruce Willis is Unbreakable, and then Samuel Jackson broke all the time.
► 00:14:05
Yeah.
► 00:14:06
Which is the dumbest idea for fucking Superman.
► 00:14:08
When people try to make superheroes, like, pretty close to normal.
► 00:14:11
Yeah.
► 00:14:12
Almost normal.
► 00:14:13
Gave them real emotions.
► 00:14:14
Yeah.
► 00:14:14
I'm not into that.
► 00:14:15
That's why James Bond got weird.
► 00:14:17
He was too...
► 00:14:18
Survivable?
► 00:14:19
He fell in love.
► 00:14:20
Well, that too, but yeah, he got too emotional.
► 00:14:22
When did he fall in love?
► 00:14:24
Nate Craig or whatever.
► 00:14:25
Daniel Craig.
► 00:14:26
Daniel Craig.
► 00:14:27
He fell in love?
► 00:14:28
He falls in love constantly.
► 00:14:30
Oh, really?
► 00:14:30
Yeah, this James Bond falls in love like a bitch.
► 00:14:32
That's weird.
► 00:14:33
He's my favorite, James Bond.
► 00:14:34
What?
► 00:14:35
He's the most believable.
► 00:14:36
All his other ones look like bitches.
► 00:14:38
Connery?
► 00:14:38
Connery.
► 00:14:39
Connery in the beginning.
► 00:14:40
I can't imagine him winning a fight, though, as he got older with the toupee on.
► 00:14:44
He is older.
► 00:14:45
Jamie, pull up when Connery got into a bar fight in Scotland in, like, the 30s.
► 00:14:53
Poor Connery's saying he should slap women.
► 00:14:55
He was like a real...
► 00:14:55
They won't let it go.
► 00:14:59
And they need a slap.
► 00:15:01
You gotta raise it a little bit more.
► 00:15:02
Sometimes.
► 00:15:05
You've shuttled it.
► 00:15:06
This is a...
► 00:15:08
Wait, this is a movie.
► 00:15:09
This is a movie.
► 00:15:09
It's not real.
► 00:15:11
Hold on, J-Mo, I'm talking about a real fisticuffs in a bar.
► 00:15:14
Is that on camera somewhere?
► 00:15:15
I don't know about that, but there's a clipping.
► 00:15:18
There's an article about it?
► 00:15:19
Oh, yeah.
► 00:15:20
There we go.
► 00:15:22
Well, a lot of those old Irish and Scottish actors, those guys were getting fights all the time.
► 00:15:26
VB and Stabings.
► 00:15:27
Well, he said he was in his 20s when this happened, so there's no video of it.
► 00:15:30
Alright, alright.
► 00:15:31
It says he beat up four guys in A Wild Night Out.
► 00:15:34
One of those guys is Sean Connery.
► 00:15:36
Fucking Scottish people with their tall tails.
► 00:15:40
Then he beat up the Loch Ness.
► 00:15:42
Yeah, what do these guys look like?
► 00:15:44
Yeah, that's true.
► 00:15:45
It's back in the day.
► 00:15:46
It's a weird character.
► 00:15:48
It's a character you can't really keep going over and over and over and over again, the James Bond character.
► 00:15:52
Now they're going to do it with a new person.
► 00:15:54
They're going to do it with a chick.
► 00:15:55
For sure they're going to do it with a chick.
► 00:15:56
Chick over black guy?
► 00:15:57
Or black.
► 00:15:58
Trans chick.
► 00:15:59
In the newest one there was.
► 00:16:01
In the newest James Bond.
► 00:16:03
There was a little hint at it.
► 00:16:04
Hey, don't say anything.
► 00:16:05
I haven't seen it yet.
► 00:16:06
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
► 00:16:07
You go to the movies?
► 00:16:07
They had their chance.
► 00:16:08
I do like going to the movies.
► 00:16:09
You actually go to the movies still?
► 00:16:10
Oh, yeah.
► 00:16:10
It's great.
► 00:16:11
I thought it was over.
► 00:16:11
I've seen three movies this month.
► 00:16:13
I thought nobody did it anymore.
► 00:16:14
No, it's amazing.
► 00:16:15
Movie pass?
► 00:16:15
No, I just love going to the movies.
► 00:16:17
I like going to the movies, too.
► 00:16:18
I like sitting in the dark in the cold.
► 00:16:19
Yeah.
► 00:16:19
You know, it's good on the road.
► 00:16:21
When you're on the road.
► 00:16:21
A movie on a Saturday.
► 00:16:23
It's something to do.
► 00:16:24
I saw The Last Duel.
► 00:16:25
The who?
► 00:16:26
Check that out.
► 00:16:26
The Last Duel.
► 00:16:27
I don't know it.
► 00:16:27
What is it?
► 00:16:28
It's a new Ridley Scott movie.
► 00:16:29
Oh, Ridley Scott.
► 00:16:30
I'm all in.
► 00:16:31
Yeah, he's the best.
► 00:16:31
Nobody wants one.
► 00:16:33
It's about Adam Driver gets accused of rape.
► 00:16:36
And back in France, they used to just be like, all right, if you...
► 00:16:39
The way they would do trial is trial by combat.
► 00:16:42
So Matt Damon does trial by combat with Adam Driver to see if he's guilty of rape.
► 00:16:47
Whoa.
► 00:16:47
What year is this?
► 00:16:49
13?
► 00:16:50
Wow.
► 00:16:51
That's what they would do?
► 00:16:52
It was the last time they did it.
► 00:16:53
So if you were really good at combat, you'd just rape crazy and just always say you didn't do it, then fuck everybody up.
► 00:16:58
Yeah, and then that means...
► 00:16:59
It's like Ball Don't Lie.
► 00:17:00
Oh, and look how they're doing.
► 00:17:02
They're wearing all this armor.
► 00:17:04
When is this from?
► 00:17:05
Ben Affleck.
► 00:17:05
When is this supposed to be set?
► 00:17:07
1300s.
► 00:17:07
That's Ben Affleck with the hair?
► 00:17:09
Wow.
► 00:17:09
With the mullet, dude.
► 00:17:10
Look at his cheekbones.
► 00:17:11
And so he was raped.
► 00:17:13
Ben Affleck got raped.
► 00:17:14
The horse got raped.
► 00:17:15
Oh, oh, oh.
► 00:17:17
Look, he's got...
► 00:17:17
The horse has armor and everything.
► 00:17:18
So this is a good movie?
► 00:17:19
Yeah, I liked it a lot.
► 00:17:20
It looks like a big production.
► 00:17:22
We gotta get...
► 00:17:22
That's what you gotta get for a movie now.
► 00:17:23
You gotta make it an experience.
► 00:17:25
And they're doing it.
► 00:17:26
Movies are coming back, man.
► 00:17:27
They're coming back.
► 00:17:28
Paul Thomas Anderson's got a new one.
► 00:17:29
Wes Anderson's got a new one.
► 00:17:30
I think the superheroes are done.
► 00:17:32
Fast 9 was fun as shit.
► 00:17:34
Superheroes are done.
► 00:17:34
No, they've got a new Blade coming out.
► 00:17:36
With Wesley?
► 00:17:37
No, Wesley's out.
► 00:17:38
They've got a new guy.
► 00:17:39
He didn't pay those taxes.
► 00:17:41
There's a new Matrix.
► 00:17:42
What?
► 00:17:42
New Matrix, yeah.
► 00:17:43
Keanu?
► 00:17:44
Yes.
► 00:17:44
Wow.
► 00:17:45
20 years later?
► 00:17:46
Yeah.
► 00:17:47
Okay.
► 00:17:47
This is a new era.
► 00:17:48
I'll watch that.
► 00:17:48
I'll watch that for sure.
► 00:17:49
I'll watch that.
► 00:17:49
Every movie's the same movie.
► 00:17:51
I've been going to movies.
► 00:17:52
Every trailer is like, hey, new Ghostbusters.
► 00:17:54
New Matrix.
► 00:17:55
They repeat.
► 00:17:56
West Side Story.
► 00:17:57
Can I see the Mark Zuckerberg meta demonstration?
Facebook's Metaverse Scheme
00:11:50
► 00:18:02
No.
► 00:18:02
You watch that and you go, hey, motherfucker, what are you trying to do?
► 00:18:06
Are you trying to make the Matrix for real?
► 00:18:08
Yeah, he is.
► 00:18:09
He is.
► 00:18:09
Yeah.
► 00:18:10
It seems like he's being sneaky about it.
► 00:18:12
It's already going to happen.
► 00:18:13
Yeah.
► 00:18:14
That's Facebook's version of it.
► 00:18:17
He just wants it to be under his banner.
► 00:18:19
Not all of it.
► 00:18:19
It's crazy that they're changing the name of Facebook to Meta, and they're going to call it the Metaverse.
► 00:18:24
Yeah.
► 00:18:25
I thought that was also so, like, you can sue me, but our parent company's over there now.
► 00:18:29
So you can sue me.
► 00:18:30
We only have $100 in our holding.
► 00:18:31
So Meta's got all the money.
► 00:18:33
So you're suing Facebook for fucking evil shit of, like, turning brother against brother, but Facebook only has $100 in assets, so Meta's got all the assets.
► 00:18:39
You can't sue them.
► 00:18:40
That's what it felt like to me.
► 00:18:41
Man, you do a real Jewish way of thinking.
► 00:18:43
It's lawyer style.
► 00:18:45
Helps us survive in times when we have no antibodies.
► 00:18:49
What choice do we have?
► 00:18:49
The whole algorithm thing, it's very strange because, you know, I bring you up all the time, Ari, that you did that thing where you went and looked for puppies on YouTube and that all YouTube would show you is puppies.
► 00:18:59
Here's what no one understands about that.
► 00:19:00
It's not just that it would do that, it's that it affects your mood for the better.
► 00:19:04
You get to be the person who watches puppies all day, and you're just a happier person during that time than watching videos about how everyone's upset at each other and you also get upset.
► 00:19:13
But do puppies keep you happy?
► 00:19:14
I feel like you see a puppy randomly, it's nice, but if you see a puppy every day, you're immune to the happiness.
► 00:19:19
It's all fun.
► 00:19:20
Great times.
► 00:19:21
Nah, not really.
► 00:19:22
You obviously don't have a puppy.
► 00:19:24
No.
► 00:19:24
I got a cat.
► 00:19:26
Yeah, see, cats are fine, but puppies are way better.
► 00:19:29
When you come home, oh, you used to have a bit about that.
► 00:19:31
Yeah.
► 00:19:31
Jamie, play that bit in its entirety seven minutes.
► 00:19:34
Jamie, play the Fauci puppy videos.
► 00:19:37
Oh.
► 00:19:38
Wait, what is that?
► 00:19:38
How dark is that?
► 00:19:39
He's like cutting Beagle's throats out.
► 00:19:40
Oh, come on!
► 00:19:42
You don't know that?
► 00:19:44
I never heard of this.
► 00:19:46
You made that up.
► 00:19:48
I don't want to see that.
► 00:19:50
No, no, no, listen, there is videos of it, but what you need to know is what they were doing was worse than what he's saying.
► 00:19:54
They cut their throats so that they couldn't bark.
► 00:19:57
So they did experiments on these beagle puppies and they put their heads in cages and filled the cages with sand flies where the sand flies were literally eating the beagles alive.
► 00:20:07
This was all sponsored by the NIH. Like, the NIH spent money on this.
► 00:20:12
You can just train them and not bark.
► 00:20:14
You got Justice Silver in there.
► 00:20:17
The idea is to see what happens when the sand flies eat them alive.
► 00:20:21
They just didn't want to hear them barking and complaining.
► 00:20:24
The pictures of the beagle puppies with their heads locked into these cages is fucking so disturbing that it's like some serial killer shit.
► 00:20:32
Pull it up!
► 00:20:33
You can't believe that government- Why don't you get beagles?
► 00:20:35
They scream them out.
► 00:20:36
Well, they're cute.
► 00:20:38
That's why you do it.
► 00:20:38
That's why they cut the throat out.
► 00:20:39
I wonder why they did do beagles.
► 00:20:41
Jesus.
► 00:20:42
Quiet dog.
► 00:20:43
Why didn't they do like a shitty dog?
► 00:20:44
I think they used beagles.
► 00:20:44
Get chihuahuas where everybody would be rooting for it.
► 00:20:47
I think beagles and chihuahuas.
► 00:20:48
And they yap.
► 00:20:49
They yap.
► 00:20:50
Not all of them.
► 00:20:50
They yap and they attack.
► 00:20:51
My ex had a chihuahua.
► 00:20:53
Didn't like you.
► 00:20:54
Maybe it was you.
► 00:20:55
I hated me.
► 00:20:56
I wonder why.
► 00:20:57
Although, you know what's weird?
► 00:20:58
When I went to bed, it would sleep in my butthole for the warmth.
► 00:21:03
Inside?
► 00:21:04
Well, not inside.
► 00:21:05
What am I, Richard Gere?
► 00:21:06
But right there?
► 00:21:06
But yeah, it would just get right up to the warmth.
► 00:21:10
That Richard Gere one is the greatest rumor of all time, because it's pre-internet.
► 00:21:14
Exactly!
► 00:21:14
Do you know where that came from?
► 00:21:16
Here's the rumor.
► 00:21:16
I don't know if it's true.
► 00:21:17
The rumor was that he left Scientology.
► 00:21:20
Is that what you heard?
► 00:21:21
That's what I believe, because Scientology makes you tell all the secrets, and then they're like, don't worry, we're clear of these.
► 00:21:26
And then when he did that Buddhist movie, became Buddhist, they're like, no, no, you can't do that.
► 00:21:31
He's like, I am.
► 00:21:32
They're like, then we're going to release the info.
► 00:21:34
Interesting.
► 00:21:35
What I had heard was that it was just to make him look like shit because he left Scientology.
► 00:21:40
I didn't hear that it was actually a real thing that he stuck a gerbil up his ass.
► 00:21:44
Is that what you heard?
► 00:21:45
Gerbil.
► 00:21:46
We all heard the real thing.
► 00:21:47
She also did Gerbils?
► 00:21:49
Yep.
► 00:21:49
Like a fifth grader level of a rumor.
► 00:21:51
It's crazy, but it stuck.
► 00:21:54
And it hurt his acting career, too.
► 00:21:57
Yeah, it did.
► 00:21:58
I mean, he was huge.
► 00:21:59
He was a leading man.
► 00:22:01
Pretty woman, officer in a gentleman.
► 00:22:02
He was a hunk, dude.
► 00:22:04
He was the number one guy.
► 00:22:05
That was a good movie.
► 00:22:06
I liked it.
► 00:22:07
But that wasn't where he's at his height.
► 00:22:08
You're the one.
► 00:22:09
Thank you.
► 00:22:10
Wait, Mothman Prophecies isn't good?
► 00:22:11
No!
► 00:22:12
What are you kidding?
► 00:22:13
He's been in some amazing movies.
► 00:22:14
I mean, Richard Gere's been in some fucking amazing movies.
► 00:22:16
I got nowhere else to go!
► 00:22:17
I got nowhere else to go!
► 00:22:19
How bad would Richard Gere feel if you're like, I loved his acting, and you brought up Mothman Prophecies as number one?
► 00:22:24
I liked it.
► 00:22:24
He would hate you.
► 00:22:25
Hey, he did it.
► 00:22:26
He did do it.
► 00:22:27
It's like if you love Robert Deere and you love that movie with Michelle Pfeiffer where he dressed like a wizard.
► 00:22:31
You ever see that one?
► 00:22:32
No.
► 00:22:32
In the height of his wife spending money, apparently, he was just doing whatever fucking movie he could.
► 00:22:37
And that's what he said, apparently.
► 00:22:39
Yeah, I think he was open about it.
► 00:22:40
Yeah, he was pretty open about it.
► 00:22:41
And he did this fucking terrible movie with Michelle Pfeiffer.
► 00:22:44
It was supposed to be one of the worst movies ever made.
► 00:22:46
And he plays a wizard.
► 00:22:48
Yeah, there was a sad stretch there.
► 00:22:50
Of course, Scorsese came back and got it.
► 00:22:52
He really just let it go.
► 00:22:54
Yeah.
► 00:22:54
Well, when you got a monthly nut, like a million bucks a month.
► 00:22:58
Anybody want a cigar?
► 00:22:59
That's what happened to Nick Cage, too.
► 00:23:01
Thank you.
► 00:23:02
I'll do it.
► 00:23:02
I'll smoke your cigars.
► 00:23:03
I'll do it for the bit.
► 00:23:05
Gambling debts got Cage.
► 00:23:06
That's why I did Ghost Rider 6. Really?
► 00:23:08
Yeah.
► 00:23:08
This was, you were supposed to send me a box of these.
► 00:23:10
I got a box for you.
► 00:23:11
Okay, cool.
► 00:23:12
Thank you.
► 00:23:14
Ooh, these smell terrible.
► 00:23:16
These are good.
► 00:23:17
How dare you?
► 00:23:18
I'm joking.
► 00:23:19
Comedian.
► 00:23:20
What are you, a fucking comedian?
► 00:23:23
So you guys are, uh, what's the gig you guys are all doing together?
► 00:23:26
That's a fucking hell of a gig.
► 00:23:28
When is this coming out?
► 00:23:28
Is this coming out right away?
► 00:23:29
It's coming out tomorrow.
► 00:23:30
Oh!
► 00:23:31
That's pretty good.
► 00:23:32
A gig tomorrow?
► 00:23:33
Yeah, a gig tomorrow.
► 00:23:34
Norma's a secret guest.
► 00:23:35
Oh, whoops.
► 00:23:36
That's perfect.
► 00:23:37
Yeah, we kind of thought we were going to get a lot more.
► 00:23:41
Like when you and me planned this show.
► 00:23:42
Yeah.
► 00:23:43
We were like, we'll get Rogan, we'll get Louie, we'll get all the guys.
► 00:23:46
So there's Skank Fest.
► 00:23:47
And you got this douche.
► 00:23:48
It's just like, ah, it's me and Norma.
► 00:23:50
There's Skank Fest and we decided to do a spite show right ahead of it.
► 00:23:54
Where is that?
► 00:23:54
Can you hand me that can of propane or whatever the fuck it is?
► 00:23:58
So we call the secret group and we're like, hey, we want to do a show just us the day before.
► 00:24:02
And he goes, let me make sure it's okay with Lewis.
► 00:24:04
Oh, you wanted a tank.
► 00:24:06
Yeah, you know Stanhope used to do that just for laughs.
► 00:24:11
Just for spite.
► 00:24:12
Exactly that.
► 00:24:13
And that was another one we thought we'd get.
► 00:24:15
He had a legitimate financial grievance with them.
► 00:24:18
We have no grievance with Lewis.
► 00:24:19
It's just fun.
► 00:24:19
Just fuck with him.
► 00:24:20
You better do it now before he gets brain damage.
► 00:24:22
Lewis?
► 00:24:23
Nah, he's gonna win that fight, dude.
► 00:24:24
You're out of your mind.
► 00:24:25
Interesting.
► 00:24:27
I think he's gonna win.
► 00:24:28
He's way younger.
► 00:24:29
He's bigger.
► 00:24:30
He hasn't been punched nearly as much as fucking Ellis.
► 00:24:33
You guys have a very strange way of looking at fighting.
► 00:24:36
Yes.
► 00:24:37
Agreed.
► 00:24:38
Same.
► 00:24:38
Ability and experience don't matter?
► 00:24:41
It does, but to what degree?
► 00:24:42
To what point?
► 00:24:43
Almost everything.
► 00:24:44
So a young 22-year-old boxer couldn't beat a right-now Muhammad Ali?
► 00:24:49
Muhammad Ali's dead.
► 00:24:50
No!
► 00:24:52
Why?!
► 00:24:54
COVID got him.
► 00:24:55
Did you know that Logan Paul's going to fight Mike Tyson?
► 00:24:58
Shut up!
► 00:24:59
Do they have a no-knockout rule again?
► 00:25:00
No, that was just for Roy Jones Jr. Please let this be the one.
► 00:25:03
It should be Logan and the brother fight him together.
► 00:25:06
That would be a fun fight.
► 00:25:07
Mike versus the Paul brothers.
► 00:25:09
That's a good one.
► 00:25:10
Well, he's got to do one at a time.
► 00:25:11
He's 54. Thank you.
► 00:25:15
But it's a real fight.
► 00:25:17
Let me do it for you.
► 00:25:19
What am I doing here?
► 00:25:20
Yeah.
► 00:25:20
Figure it out.
► 00:25:21
Alright.
► 00:25:22
No way he'll figure it out.
► 00:25:23
Useless.
► 00:25:23
There you go.
► 00:25:23
No, you gotta cut the edge first.
► 00:25:25
Did you cut the edge?
► 00:25:26
Oh my god.
► 00:25:26
Did you cut the edge?
► 00:25:27
Give me that.
► 00:25:27
Sure, you gotta help him out.
► 00:25:28
You don't know what you're doing?
► 00:25:29
I've never used this device.
► 00:25:30
You look like a fucking idiot, dude.
► 00:25:32
I remember that, dude.
► 00:25:33
When Norman was trying to fucking cut a thing and he couldn't do it.
► 00:25:36
That was fucking hilarious.
► 00:25:37
On the experience, dude, you look like a fucking idiot.
► 00:25:39
Get him, get him.
► 00:25:40
This is a podcast known for cigar smoking, bro.
► 00:25:42
Get him.
► 00:25:44
I would be choking on this thing in 20 seconds.
► 00:25:46
Good labia there.
► 00:25:55
What's Bobby Kelly doing?
► 00:25:56
Speaking of cigars.
► 00:25:57
Still fat.
► 00:25:59
Still fat.
► 00:26:00
He's doing great.
► 00:26:02
Here, you go.
► 00:26:04
There's another one.
► 00:26:04
You go, dude.
► 00:26:05
He's a funny guy.
► 00:26:06
Oh, he's the best.
► 00:26:06
Bobby?
► 00:26:07
Bobby's a great egg.
► 00:26:07
He's coming to Skankfest.
► 00:26:09
Oh, is he?
► 00:26:10
Yeah.
► 00:26:10
Hey, this one's good, too.
► 00:26:12
I gotta cut it.
► 00:26:13
There it is.
► 00:26:14
Yeah, there's a cutter in the back of that one as well.
► 00:26:15
That's a cool little device you got there.
► 00:26:17
It really is.
► 00:26:17
It's nice, right?
► 00:26:18
It's nice.
► 00:26:19
Yeah, it really is.
► 00:26:23
So everybody's going to Skank Fest South?
► 00:26:24
And that's in Houston?
► 00:26:25
Is that where it is?
► 00:26:26
Yes.
► 00:26:26
It's the best, dude.
► 00:26:27
It's this fucking...
► 00:26:28
Have you ever done one?
► 00:26:28
No, I have not.
► 00:26:29
I did one of their shows in Hollywood, though, when they did the comedy store.
► 00:26:35
I did one of their shows.
► 00:26:36
The live Legion of Skanks.
► 00:26:38
Yes.
► 00:26:39
Yeah, it wasn't Skank Fest, but it was a Legion of Skanks show.
► 00:26:41
It was a lot of fun.
► 00:26:43
Fun crowds, you know?
► 00:26:44
Crowds that just come to have a good time.
► 00:26:46
And it's just, that kind of comedy is hard to come by these days.
► 00:26:50
It's like, everybody's so goddamn fucking serious.
► 00:26:52
I think it's coming back.
► 00:26:53
It's coming back.
► 00:26:53
Well, there's definitely some of it coming back.
► 00:26:56
Because people are tired.
► 00:26:57
Yeah.
► 00:26:58
They're tired of being lectured on, you know, when people are doing comedy and they're lecturing you at the same time, you're like, Jesus Christ.
► 00:27:03
Yeah, they're lecturing you and they're saying, everything sucks but me.
► 00:27:06
That's a big theme of comedy now.
► 00:27:08
It kind of is, right?
► 00:27:09
Yeah.
► 00:27:10
Everything sucks, the world sucks, but I'm great.
► 00:27:12
Now it should be you suck too.
► 00:27:13
That's comedy.
► 00:27:14
Right.
► 00:27:14
Self-deprecation.
► 00:27:16
Well, Shane says it the best.
► 00:27:17
He's like, you get all these comics, four comics in a row going, injustice is terrible.
► 00:27:22
And then you just get up there and go, injustice rules.
► 00:27:25
Yeah, you get to go on and be like, you know what I like?
► 00:27:27
Injustice.
► 00:27:27
Yeah.
► 00:27:28
Well, tell me why racism...
► 00:27:31
Everyone's like, finally!
► 00:27:33
It's weird seeing someone so obviously virtue signaling on stage and then to see it work.
► 00:27:38
Because comedy is...
► 00:27:40
It's either absurd, ridiculous, over-the-top silly, or it's...
► 00:27:47
Honest.
► 00:27:47
So when you see that, it's neither of those things.
► 00:27:50
It's not absurd.
► 00:27:51
It's not honest.
► 00:27:52
It's just this weird thing that you're doing, like you're saying things that people are compelled to clap at.
► 00:27:56
Is it give it up for the troops?
► 00:27:58
Just the now version of it?
► 00:27:59
Yes, it's a version of give it up for the troops.
► 00:28:01
Who here's smoking weed?
► 00:28:03
How about the troops?
► 00:28:04
How about a round of applause for the ladies?
► 00:28:06
Y'all, some fine-looking ladies up in here.
► 00:28:08
Yeah, every group has it.
► 00:28:09
But then you flip it on with the troops and say Al-Qaeda.
► 00:28:12
Just to throw them a wrench.
► 00:28:14
You gotta throw wrenches in.
► 00:28:15
The day after we lost Afghanistan, Tim Dillon was on stage at Vulcan in Austin, giving it up for the Taliban.
► 00:28:24
There you go.
► 00:28:25
And talking about how amazing it is that they put in all that work after all these years.
► 00:28:31
They lasted.
► 00:28:31
Yeah, 20 years of hard work.
► 00:28:34
It was impressive.
► 00:28:35
That's comedy.
► 00:28:36
Yeah, it was comedy.
► 00:28:37
To outlast the American Armed Forces.
► 00:28:39
Pretty good.
► 00:28:40
Solid.
► 00:28:41
Yeah, it's fun.
► 00:28:42
Cynically, I think it's almost like it's planned.
► 00:28:45
And they got all our equipment.
► 00:28:46
What?
► 00:28:46
So it's a win-win.
► 00:28:47
I think they got done selling weapons and pulled it up.
► 00:28:50
Maybe.
► 00:28:51
Maybe they wait a while and then it gets really bad over there and there's some real reason to go back in a larger force.
► 00:28:58
Or they let China come in and then they're like, hey, here's an excuse to fight China.
► 00:29:01
You know what?
► 00:29:02
One thing that was real open to me, and I'm not political, but like...
► 00:29:06
And Trump early on was like, we're pulling out of Afghanistan.
► 00:29:09
You loved Trump.
► 00:29:09
I do love Trump.
► 00:29:10
Rub him?
► 00:29:11
Yeah.
► 00:29:11
Did I say rub?
► 00:29:12
Yeah, everyone got upset.
► 00:29:13
Is this Asian?
► 00:29:14
Oh, shit.
► 00:29:16
Jamie, edit that in with like a loop over and over again.
► 00:29:19
You love China.
► 00:29:23
Did I say it?
► 00:29:23
Don't do it.
► 00:29:24
You lost SNL. You said it, right?
► 00:29:26
There goes MADtv.
► 00:29:27
You can't do it.
► 00:29:28
There goes MADtv.
► 00:29:29
You're never going to be on.
► 00:29:30
You're never going to be on, Joe.
► 00:29:32
Dude, I was at MADtv and Michael Chase gave me a tour.
► 00:29:34
Quit bragging.
► 00:29:35
And he goes...
Yelling Redheads Out
00:11:51
► 00:29:38
And I'm like, is that the back thing going to come out of it?
► 00:29:39
He goes, well, just so you know, there's superstition that if you come out before you're actually on, you'll never host SNL. And I was like, well, then I'm just going to do it now.
► 00:29:48
Hey, was that an option?
► 00:29:50
What are you talking about?
► 00:29:51
It's hilarious that anybody would want to do that anymore.
► 00:29:54
It seems like so much work.
► 00:29:55
Well, Bill Burr seemed to like it.
► 00:29:57
Yeah, Burr liked it.
► 00:29:58
Well, his monologue was amazing.
► 00:30:00
His monologue was great.
► 00:30:00
But Burr's one of those guys that, like, he wants to do, like, iconic venues just to say, you know, he's got, like, a nostalgia to him.
► 00:30:09
Yeah.
► 00:30:09
Like, he did that theater in England because he saw Zeppelin there or whatever the hell.
► 00:30:12
Exactly.
► 00:30:13
Exactly.
► 00:30:14
Yeah, Burr loves that kind of shit.
► 00:30:16
Yeah, he says he goes to stadiums when he's on the road alone just to see it.
► 00:30:20
Does he really?
► 00:30:20
No, he's a big nerd.
► 00:30:21
He's an interesting guy.
► 00:30:22
He's a sports nerd.
► 00:30:23
Oh, yeah.
► 00:30:24
Oh, he's a giant sports nerd.
► 00:30:26
Sometimes I listen to his podcast, he'll just rant and rave about certain plays and games and they just lose his mind.
► 00:30:31
I don't even know the rules.
► 00:30:34
I'm a professional sports broadcaster.
► 00:30:36
I don't know the rules to most sports.
► 00:30:38
I can't believe you don't like football that much.
► 00:30:41
Well, believe it.
► 00:30:42
It's not Santa Claus, bro.
► 00:30:44
You should.
► 00:30:44
You should.
► 00:30:45
It's too many players.
► 00:30:46
I like USC because it's one guy.
► 00:30:49
You get to know one guy.
► 00:30:50
You feel like you're rooting for a dude.
► 00:30:52
Or a lady.
► 00:30:53
But football is just like a uniform.
► 00:30:55
To me, it's like getting jerked off through a glory hole with a condom on after you've had actual sex.
► 00:31:01
Yeah, compared to fighting.
► 00:31:04
It's boring.
► 00:31:04
Oh, okay.
► 00:31:06
It's like it's missing something.
► 00:31:07
What was that place called in San Francisco?
► 00:31:09
Bangkok Spa.
► 00:31:11
Jerk off with a dish glove on.
► 00:31:14
Oh, there was that place.
► 00:31:16
What is that called?
► 00:31:16
Something Brothers, right?
► 00:31:18
Yeah, the Farrelly Brothers.
► 00:31:19
You know, there's a famous sign from that place that Hunter S. Thompson stole that is available.
► 00:31:29
I've got to contact this guy.
► 00:31:32
We went there once, like 20 years ago, and there was these people on stage doing a sex act Like, these girls were like, they were like dildoing each other.
► 00:31:44
Yeah.
► 00:31:44
And we were like, what the fuck is this?
► 00:31:47
There's different rooms.
► 00:31:48
There's a room you go to watch dirty movies and jerk off.
► 00:31:50
This is San Fran?
► 00:31:51
San Fran.
► 00:31:51
Wow, that city's changed.
► 00:31:53
And we had our friend.
► 00:31:53
There it is.
► 00:31:54
Fairly, O'Farrell Theater.
► 00:31:57
Fairly Brothers.
► 00:31:58
Fairly Brothers.
► 00:31:59
That's what I said, wasn't it?
► 00:32:00
Closes.
► 00:32:00
Oh, it's closed.
► 00:32:01
I did say Fairly Brothers.
► 00:32:02
Well, COVID got them.
► 00:32:03
You can't watch sex acts when everybody's coughing.
► 00:32:05
I always wanted to whack off in a theater.
► 00:32:07
It'd be nice, right?
► 00:32:08
Fred Willard.
► 00:32:09
Do you think if Pee Wee Herman got busted doing that today, it'd probably be nothing?
► 00:32:13
Hero.
► 00:32:14
He'd be a hero.
► 00:32:14
Hero, right?
► 00:32:15
Why hero?
► 00:32:16
Because he's a gay guy in a theater.
► 00:32:18
Oh, yeah.
► 00:32:19
Gay culture.
► 00:32:20
Isn't it amazing how much the world shifted in just a decade or two?
► 00:32:24
Crazy shift.
► 00:32:24
Crazy.
► 00:32:24
I don't like it.
► 00:32:25
You don't like it?
► 00:32:28
I'll be honest, I don't like it much.
► 00:32:29
All this progress, meh.
► 00:32:31
Is it progress?
► 00:32:32
It's not all progress.
► 00:32:33
There is progress.
► 00:32:35
Ellen got yelled at for being gay and couldn't bring Anne Heche to a movie premiere.
► 00:32:40
Right.
► 00:32:40
And now...
► 00:32:41
She got yelled at for being mean.
► 00:32:42
Got yelled at for being mean.
► 00:32:43
Which is also...
► 00:32:44
Progress.
► 00:32:46
Yeah, well, I think she got yelled at for not being what she really pretends to be on the show.
► 00:32:51
That's what it is.
► 00:32:52
That's a freak.
► 00:32:53
It's just a little different.
► 00:32:54
They wanted to think she was this real happy, friendly person who's always light-hearted and dances and stuff.
► 00:33:00
To find out that she's mean would just freak people out.
► 00:33:03
They're like, what is going on?
► 00:33:05
Cosby, same shit.
► 00:33:06
America's dead.
► 00:33:07
But way worse, right?
► 00:33:09
A little.
► 00:33:09
Now, being mean and what Cosby did are...
► 00:33:12
The same?
► 00:33:14
What are you saying?
► 00:33:16
It goes against his personality.
► 00:33:18
I rape and it's fine.
► 00:33:19
People expect it.
► 00:33:20
How many years do you think we are away from people reading minds with some kind of technology?
► 00:33:25
Oh god, you don't want that.
► 00:33:28
You don't want it, but I feel like it's coming.
► 00:33:30
This whole metaverse thing.
► 00:33:31
Yeah, it's gonna be embarrassing when you find out how fucking dumb I am.
► 00:33:34
He's thinking about Notre Dame.
► 00:33:37
Let's change minds.
► 00:33:39
Who do we got this week?
► 00:33:40
Virginia?
► 00:33:41
Like go deeper.
► 00:33:43
I'm getting into it.
► 00:33:47
I like it.
► 00:33:47
You like it?
► 00:33:48
Got that money to give away now.
► 00:33:49
Oh, it's a dangerous fucking thing.
► 00:33:51
How much of your weekly wages are you blowing?
► 00:33:53
Well, I use FanDuel, so I can only bet in Pennsylvania.
► 00:33:58
So I can only bet when I'm home, which is nice.
► 00:34:00
You can't bet.
► 00:34:01
Yeah, I have to do it over the fan.
► 00:34:03
Back when I'm home.
► 00:34:05
I can't do it in New York.
► 00:34:07
I've never won, I bet, so I don't gamble.
► 00:34:09
What?
► 00:34:10
It's fun when you win, dude.
► 00:34:11
I've never won!
► 00:34:12
What about when we went to Vegas?
► 00:34:12
We've been on the whole basketball tournament.
► 00:34:14
I lost all of it.
► 00:34:15
Oh, really?
► 00:34:16
Yeah, I had to change rooms.
► 00:34:17
Damn.
► 00:34:18
Did you really?
► 00:34:19
Yeah, I had to go down to Circus Circus.
► 00:34:21
You had a cheaper room?
► 00:34:22
Yeah, I can't bet.
► 00:34:23
How much did you lose?
► 00:34:24
You know, a couple hundo, but at the time...
► 00:34:27
Norman's cheap.
► 00:34:28
That hurts him more than thousands would hurt you.
► 00:34:30
Wow, I mean...
► 00:34:31
Yeah, you guys were already fucking tossing money for Ubers.
► 00:34:35
Is that how we're doing this?
► 00:34:36
Huh?
► 00:34:37
Oh, he bought an Uber, so I wanted to give him the money.
► 00:34:39
Oh, yeah.
► 00:34:40
Yeah, no, I said it was fine.
► 00:34:42
Oh, Ari's taking care of things?
► 00:34:43
Look at you.
► 00:34:43
No, we have a show that's paying for everything.
► 00:34:46
Oh, Ari's the promoter.
► 00:34:47
He's the alpha.
► 00:34:48
He's the promoter of the show.
► 00:34:49
He's taking care of the Uber.
► 00:34:50
Me and Shane, the inaugural show with the president and vice president of the Legion of Skanks.
► 00:34:54
Who's the drop-in?
► 00:34:55
Hey, what is this shirt you got on?
► 00:34:56
Explain what's going on.
► 00:34:57
You got Save East River Park.
► 00:34:59
What is happening?
► 00:34:59
Oh, yeah.
► 00:34:59
There's this fucking great park in New York.
► 00:35:01
They're tearing it up.
► 00:35:02
Ari's an activist now.
► 00:35:03
God.
► 00:35:03
What are they doing there?
► 00:35:05
They said they need fucking barriers for the next Sandy thing, but...
► 00:35:09
Let it go.
► 00:35:10
Let the park go.
► 00:35:11
Yeah, but you also wrote that they might put condos up?
► 00:35:15
They're good!
► 00:35:15
So they put in the laws, like, in the subtext, like, hey, if we run out of money for this project, we should be allowed to put in high-rises or maybe a prison to pay for it.
► 00:35:26
A prison?
► 00:35:27
Which means that's what they're going to do.
► 00:35:29
You don't want a prison there?
► 00:35:31
This is past Avenue D. This is all poor people.
► 00:35:33
Blacks.
► 00:35:34
Latinos.
► 00:35:35
It would help the neighborhood.
► 00:35:35
That area is crazy.
► 00:35:36
It's great out there.
► 00:35:38
It's softball.
► 00:35:38
Avenue D? No, no.
► 00:35:39
The park.
► 00:35:40
Oh.
► 00:35:40
But you gotta go through Avenue D. It's like an obstacle course of heroin needles and Puerto Ricans.
► 00:35:44
Avenue D is not the best.
► 00:35:46
No.
► 00:35:46
It's D for dead.
► 00:35:47
It's A is alright.
► 00:35:48
B is be careful.
► 00:35:49
C is...
► 00:35:50
It's awful.
► 00:35:50
They just rebuilt it.
► 00:35:52
Cut me.
► 00:35:52
Now they're like...
► 00:35:53
The park was open two days after Sandy.
► 00:35:55
The park is fine.
► 00:35:57
And they're just like, land grab.
► 00:35:59
So is it all done?
► 00:36:00
Is it said and done?
► 00:36:01
They're about to start demolishing that big amphitheater out there.
► 00:36:06
They're tearing that down.
► 00:36:06
What?
► 00:36:07
Cutting down a thousand trees.
► 00:36:09
I thought that the parks were protected in New York City.
► 00:36:12
I thought that was like a vital part of the city.
► 00:36:14
Yeah, fucking de Blasio's like, let's sell out the fucking rights to it to make money.
► 00:36:18
Bro, what is that guy all about?
► 00:36:19
He wants to be governor now, too.
► 00:36:21
It's so creepy.
► 00:36:21
What's his real name?
► 00:36:22
You ever see his real name?
► 00:36:23
Yeah, it's not Bill de Blasio.
► 00:36:25
No, it's like Warren or something like that.
► 00:36:28
He's got a real weird name.
► 00:36:30
He pulled a Theismann?
► 00:36:31
Yeah, it's a total fake name.
► 00:36:33
He does not have an Italian last name.
► 00:36:35
Here it is.
► 00:36:36
Warren Wilheim Jr. What?
► 00:36:39
Sounds like a rich white guy.
► 00:36:41
Yeah, it does.
► 00:36:42
Junior?
► 00:36:43
I heard his wife's not really black.
► 00:36:44
Why did he change his name?
► 00:36:46
Does the name have a significance to it?
► 00:36:49
It sounds Italian.
► 00:36:51
It's like Garcetti in, what's his name?
► 00:36:54
L.A. Oh!
► 00:36:57
J-Mo!
► 00:37:00
He worked for the fucking Central Intelligence.
► 00:37:02
His dad was a CIA spook?
► 00:37:04
Yes.
► 00:37:05
Oh, his uncle.
► 00:37:06
His paternal uncle worked for the Central Intelligence Agency, and he said, hey, you should change your name to an Italian guy.
► 00:37:12
Damn, that's hilarious.
► 00:37:13
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know that guy in LA. Villaraigosa.
► 00:37:16
Villaraigosa.
► 00:37:17
He changed his name.
► 00:37:17
His name is Villar.
► 00:37:19
Thank you.
► 00:37:19
His wife's name and his name, he combined, though, which almost works.
► 00:37:24
Like, he married a lady, and she had something, a Gosa.
► 00:37:27
She was gross.
► 00:37:28
Was she?
► 00:37:28
Yeah, so they call it Vio Grossa.
► 00:37:30
No!
► 00:37:31
No, that's not true.
► 00:37:31
I'm pretty sure, Joe.
► 00:37:32
I don't know.
► 00:37:32
Do the research.
► 00:37:33
The documents are there.
► 00:37:34
Wait, there's a gross lady?
► 00:37:36
Oh, yeah.
► 00:37:37
Yeah, his wife.
► 00:37:38
Why?
► 00:37:38
What?
► 00:37:39
Why was she gross?
► 00:37:39
Her attitude, mostly.
► 00:37:41
Her attitude, mostly.
► 00:37:41
So you're trying to save this park?
► 00:37:43
Yeah.
► 00:37:44
No, different lady, different show.
► 00:37:46
We're talking about L.A. Who's the mayor of L.A.? Oh.
► 00:37:49
Tony Villarigosa.
► 00:37:52
They never got big into mayors.
► 00:37:53
Yeah, well, I didn't give a fuck about them until the pandemic when I realized they could actually do things.
► 00:37:58
Yeah, never thought about it.
► 00:37:59
They could shut down restaurants and shit.
► 00:38:00
I was like, oh my god.
► 00:38:02
I feel bad for these mayors because they went into it and were like, we're going to change the school system, maybe pave some roads, and then handle a fucking international pandemic.
► 00:38:10
What are you talking about?
► 00:38:11
That's what they've been jerking off over.
► 00:38:13
They're like, I wish I had all this.
► 00:38:16
This is my city.
► 00:38:17
They love power.
► 00:38:18
Shut down that Burger King.
► 00:38:19
This is my city.
► 00:38:20
Have you seen that lady who's running New Zealand?
► 00:38:23
If she even gets asked questions at press conferences and people yell out questions, she goes, we're going to shut this down.
► 00:38:28
We're going to shut this down if you keep yelling out.
► 00:38:30
And then she just leaves.
► 00:38:31
She's like a lady Trump.
► 00:38:32
She goes, accredited, accredited press only.
► 00:38:34
And so she took the fucking press conference indoors because they were yelling out about the vaccine program that they have in Israel, how it's not working, and about the vaccinated people account for a vast percentage of the people that are testing positive and even deaths.
► 00:38:47
And so this guy's yelling that out.
► 00:38:49
But what about this?
► 00:38:50
You're yelling out about this vaccine program.
► 00:38:52
You want everybody to be vaccinated.
► 00:38:54
Tell us what you know about how it's failing in Israel.
► 00:38:57
And she goes, we're going to shut this down with a big smile on her face.
► 00:39:00
They have ultimate power now.
► 00:39:02
Yikes.
► 00:39:03
They have the power to shut down businesses, keep people in their homes.
► 00:39:05
It's not as simple as just protecting people.
► 00:39:08
It's also they have power.
► 00:39:09
So when they have power, they fucking like it, man.
► 00:39:12
That's the reason why they run.
► 00:39:13
Those are the kind of people that run for governor and mayor in the first place.
► 00:39:16
They enjoy telling people what to do.
► 00:39:18
They're dorks.
► 00:39:19
They like being the king.
► 00:39:20
They want to be bullies.
► 00:39:21
I like being the queen.
► 00:39:23
Remember when not knowing anything about politics was normal?
► 00:39:26
Totally normal.
► 00:39:27
Now it's like, the Mueller report!
► 00:39:29
I have friends who are like, Scaramucci!
► 00:39:31
I'm like, I don't know any of this shit!
► 00:39:32
And neither did you ten minutes ago.
► 00:39:34
Ten minutes ago, yeah.
► 00:39:35
You read a headline, now you act like you know and care.
► 00:39:37
Jen Psaki!
► 00:39:38
I'm like, who are these names?
► 00:39:39
Jen Sacky's cute.
► 00:39:40
Is she?
► 00:39:41
I'd like to give her a kiss on the lips.
► 00:39:42
She's got the vid right now.
► 00:39:43
She got COVID. You like redheads?
► 00:39:45
Yeah, nice.
► 00:39:46
Ginger.
► 00:39:47
You like that, huh?
► 00:39:48
I like a good idea.
► 00:39:48
Jen Sacky, if you listen to Joe Rogan.
► 00:39:50
Do you know, I bet she does.
► 00:39:52
I bet she listens secretly in the car on the way to work.
► 00:39:54
Do you know, I never said anything mean about her.
► 00:39:56
Do you know, um, Redheads?
► 00:39:57
Is she red team or blue team?
► 00:39:59
Uh, blue team.
► 00:40:00
She's Biden's.
► 00:40:01
She's Biden's press secretary.
► 00:40:02
That's a wild-ass job.
► 00:40:03
Oh!
► 00:40:04
She runs in your mind, dude.
► 00:40:05
Now we know what Shane likes.
► 00:40:06
He likes him angry.
► 00:40:07
No, but she fucks.
► 00:40:09
She likes it in the pooper.
► 00:40:10
Hey, don't say that.
► 00:40:12
She screams like, you never stop fucking me!
► 00:40:16
I bet her bedroom's got an American flag in it.
► 00:40:20
She hates America, yeah.
► 00:40:22
She's a Soviet.
► 00:40:22
Really?
► 00:40:23
She's a straight Soviet?
► 00:40:24
I don't know anyone.
► 00:40:25
Who was the blonde one that Trump hired towards the end?
► 00:40:28
The hot one?
► 00:40:28
Yeah.
► 00:40:29
McKelleny.
► 00:40:30
Oh, McKelleny.
► 00:40:31
Yeah.
► 00:40:31
I'm a fan.
► 00:40:32
She looks like the Big Bang Theory.
► 00:40:33
She has some good lines sometimes.
► 00:40:35
She was on the ball.
► 00:40:36
She was very good at that job, and that was a hard job.
► 00:40:38
There she is.
► 00:40:39
Yes.
► 00:40:39
What a babe, dude.
► 00:40:40
Wow.
► 00:40:42
I've seen her on Bumble.
► 00:40:43
Click that one where your cursor's on.
► 00:40:44
I just love that video where she goes, I'm glad you brought that up, and then just bashes that guy.
► 00:40:50
Bashes him with facts.
► 00:40:51
But she's got, let me talk to your manager face.
► 00:40:54
Big time.
► 00:40:55
No, she's got, I am your new manager, and this is why you have to listen.
► 00:40:59
The thing about redheads, I read this thing where it said that redheads have something about pain, that they have a higher tolerance for pain, that they think it might actually be a genetic thing.
► 00:41:11
Irish.
► 00:41:11
Yeah.
► 00:41:13
See if we can find that.
Kevin's Great Fart Bit
00:06:05
► 00:41:14
There was something about redheads and pain.
► 00:41:16
Yeah, study finds link between red hair and pain threshold.
► 00:41:20
Wow.
► 00:41:21
A thousand years of British rule.
► 00:41:24
Beat you like a redheaded stepchild.
► 00:41:25
Find out.
► 00:41:26
Let's find Louie and start punching him.
► 00:41:28
Oh, he can take it.
► 00:41:29
I bet he can.
► 00:41:29
So it says people with red hair have a variant.
► 00:41:33
A normal man would have killed himself a long time ago.
► 00:41:36
I'm saying he's got pain threshold.
► 00:41:38
I heard his new special is fucking amazing.
► 00:41:40
I heard the same.
► 00:41:40
I heard it's amazing and that fucking sign behind him that just says sorry, you were there for it?
► 00:41:44
I was just with him.
► 00:41:45
I was on the road with him.
► 00:41:47
Did you just get him to do an Instagram?
► 00:41:49
I did get him to do an Instagram.
► 00:41:51
Was that you?
► 00:41:51
I knew that one of you.
► 00:41:52
I was like, you gotta get back in.
► 00:41:54
And then I think he already deleted it.
► 00:41:56
As soon as I left the tour, he deleted it.
► 00:41:58
What a pussy.
► 00:41:59
Well, you know, he had a hard time.
► 00:42:02
You know, he was the beloved guy.
► 00:42:04
And then all of a sudden he turned on him.
► 00:42:06
I heard his new set is amazing.
► 00:42:07
That's what I heard.
► 00:42:08
Alright, I'll tell you a cool story.
► 00:42:10
He's going to be mad.
► 00:42:12
I don't want to disrespect the king.
► 00:42:13
Don't get the guy in more trouble.
► 00:42:14
No, it's just a funny thing.
► 00:42:15
I got to the hotel and he was like, what are you doing?
► 00:42:19
I was like, I forgot my sunglasses.
► 00:42:20
I'm going to go buy a pair of sunglasses.
► 00:42:21
He was like, alright, I want you to come to my hotel room before you leave.
► 00:42:24
And I was like, uh-oh!
► 00:42:26
And then of course, he knew.
► 00:42:28
He was fucking with me.
► 00:42:29
When the doors were closing, he was like, I'm not going to jerk off.
► 00:42:32
I probably shouldn't have said that on here.
► 00:42:34
That's all right.
► 00:42:35
He's the king.
► 00:42:36
And what he wanted to show me was some of that that he filmed.
► 00:42:41
And then I saw The Hour, and it's like...
► 00:42:43
I heard my friend went.
► 00:42:45
I cannot wait for everyone to see it.
► 00:42:46
What did he film?
► 00:42:46
He already filmed it?
► 00:42:47
Yeah, he filmed it at the garden.
► 00:42:49
The Hulu, right?
► 00:42:50
Yeah.
► 00:42:50
When is it coming out?
► 00:42:51
I'm not sure.
► 00:42:53
That's a little awkward, though, that he showed you that.
► 00:42:55
I should have said that story.
► 00:42:57
I know, I get it, yeah.
► 00:42:59
He and I talked about doing the podcast twice.
► 00:43:02
Delete that story.
► 00:43:03
Delete the story.
► 00:43:04
No, we're keeping that story.
► 00:43:05
I love him.
► 00:43:05
Delete the story.
► 00:43:07
He's my favorite guy in the world.
► 00:43:08
He's a great guy.
► 00:43:09
What's wrong with that story?
► 00:43:10
That wasn't bad.
► 00:43:12
You didn't say anything bad about him.
► 00:43:13
I got a bad Louis story.
► 00:43:15
So I used to open for him before he was in trouble.
► 00:43:18
And, you know, he was like the king of comedy for a while.
► 00:43:22
He was the funniest guy ever, you know, whatever.
► 00:43:24
So I used to open for him, and it was the highlight of my life.
► 00:43:26
And then we were hanging out in his hotel room watching a movie, and we were talking, and I was sitting on his bed, and he was sitting at the chair in the hotel room.
► 00:43:35
And I go, hey, Louis!
► 00:43:36
And I farted.
► 00:43:37
On his bed.
► 00:43:38
And he flipped!
► 00:43:40
He flipped!
► 00:43:41
I was like, you're like the filthy comedy guy.
► 00:43:44
I thought you would love a fart.
► 00:43:45
And he was like, dude, what are you doing?
► 00:43:48
I was crushed.
► 00:43:49
But did he get actually angry or just like that dude, what are you doing?
► 00:43:53
It was worse because he was like, I'm disappointed in you.
► 00:43:55
I thought we were building a relationship and you farted in my hotel room.
► 00:43:58
I could see that 100%.
► 00:43:59
I thought he'd love it.
► 00:44:00
He strikes me as a guy that would, yeah.
► 00:44:02
I could see him going both ways.
► 00:44:05
I could see him going like, that was hilarious.
► 00:44:06
Or like, hey dude, what the fuck?
► 00:44:08
You caught him on a bad day.
► 00:44:09
And it was a great fart too.
► 00:44:10
I really thought he would be like, oh shit.
► 00:44:14
Let me tell you a funny story about that.
► 00:44:16
One time I was at an offensive lineman camp.
► 00:44:18
So, it's just fat guys.
► 00:44:20
Yeah.
► 00:44:21
Me and this dude are paired up together.
► 00:44:22
We're in a dorm room and I farted.
► 00:44:24
And he was like, fuck that.
► 00:44:27
Yes!
► 00:44:28
The guy tried to fight me.
► 00:44:30
I was like, fart 300 pounds, dude.
► 00:44:33
This is a fart camp.
► 00:44:35
This is all we're doing.
► 00:44:37
It's a fart camp!
► 00:44:38
We're pushing each other and farting.
► 00:44:40
Why'd he get mad at you?
► 00:44:41
He got furious.
► 00:44:42
And then I had an offensive line coach in college.
► 00:44:45
I farted during a team meeting and he stopped the film and was like, we don't do that in here.
► 00:44:49
What?
► 00:44:50
What?
► 00:44:50
And I was like, we all do that in here.
► 00:44:52
That's the only thing we're doing.
► 00:44:54
It's not the N-word.
► 00:44:55
How do I have fucking protein just synthesizing in your gut?
► 00:45:00
All 300-pound men just sitting there just destroying farts.
► 00:45:03
Just fucking creatine is protein.
► 00:45:05
I was bad, that's why.
► 00:45:06
I was a nasty one?
► 00:45:07
I sucked.
► 00:45:07
No, it didn't smell.
► 00:45:08
I just wasn't good.
► 00:45:09
If you were a starter, you'd be like, oh, good one.
► 00:45:13
Taylor farts.
► 00:45:15
People give him not great.
► 00:45:16
Joe's got a reference.
► 00:45:17
Yeah, I know football guys.
► 00:45:19
I've seen a few football guys.
► 00:45:20
Nice.
► 00:45:21
Yeah.
► 00:45:21
He was a big guy.
► 00:45:22
Everybody knew him.
► 00:45:23
He did crack.
► 00:45:24
Played linebacker.
► 00:45:25
Fucked people up.
► 00:45:27
There's another one.
► 00:45:28
Ray Lewis.
► 00:45:28
Marshall Walker.
► 00:45:29
Killed a guy.
► 00:45:30
Played linebacker.
► 00:45:31
I think he killed a guy.
► 00:45:32
Someone with him killed a guy.
► 00:45:34
Allegedly.
► 00:45:34
He had a lady in the elevator.
► 00:45:36
No, that's Ray Rice.
► 00:45:37
What did you say?
► 00:45:38
Ray Lewis.
► 00:45:39
Oh, sorry.
► 00:45:39
Another Raven.
► 00:45:40
Diver Black Ray.
► 00:45:41
You know who's got a great bit about football players getting in trouble is Neil Brennan.
► 00:45:44
That's a great bit.
► 00:45:45
That's a great bit.
► 00:45:46
I don't want to say it, because I don't know if he did.
► 00:45:47
Did he put it on a special?
► 00:45:48
I think he did.
► 00:45:49
He did?
► 00:45:49
Yeah, that's such a good bit.
► 00:45:51
About football players doing football, but outside of the game.
► 00:45:55
People get mad.
► 00:45:57
I'm fucking it up, but it's great.
► 00:45:59
Very solid bit.
► 00:46:00
Neil's a very good writer.
► 00:46:01
I agree.
► 00:46:02
Very good writer.
► 00:46:03
He's clever.
► 00:46:04
He'll say some things sometimes, and I'll go, ooh, nice.
► 00:46:07
I like him.
► 00:46:08
I like how you put it together.
► 00:46:09
He's unlikable.
► 00:46:10
I like him a lot.
► 00:46:11
Hell of a writer.
► 00:46:12
I'm joking.
► 00:46:13
Some people don't like him, I like him a lot.
► 00:46:15
I like him too.
► 00:46:16
He's got a bad face, but I like him.
► 00:46:17
He's got a fine face.
► 00:46:19
More of a Kevin Brennan guy.
► 00:46:21
Oh, I like Kevin.
► 00:46:22
Kevin's like, I love Kevin, but man.
► 00:46:24
He's got to chill out.
► 00:46:25
You put yourself in a corner all the time.
► 00:46:27
I was like, do you ever get worried that you're going to run into people you talk shit about?
► 00:46:30
He goes, yeah, I can't even go to the cellar.
► 00:46:31
I've got to go right downstairs.
► 00:46:32
I like how he acts like it's an outside force.
► 00:46:35
He's like, I can't help it.
► 00:46:36
He's like, it's somebody else's fault.
► 00:46:37
I can't go there.
► 00:46:38
He's a psycho.
► 00:46:39
He's crossing enemy lines.
► 00:46:41
He's funny as shit.
► 00:46:42
He really is.
► 00:46:43
Every time he's like, hey, bring somebody's name up.
► 00:46:44
I'm like, I'm not going to say he's a hack?
► 00:46:46
Yeah.
► 00:46:49
Yeah!
► 00:46:49
People have sent me videos of him shitting on me, and for some reason it doesn't hurt when it's Kevin.
► 00:46:54
Exactly.
► 00:46:54
Because you're like, ah, he's so sad.
► 00:46:55
I deserve it.
► 00:46:56
And he's not wrong.
► 00:46:58
He's so sad.
► 00:46:59
Does he have a special?
► 00:47:00
He has a long time ago his half hour.
► 00:47:02
He did the first Comedy Central Presents.
► 00:47:04
Yeah, and it killed.
Tony Woods Influence
00:02:23
► 00:47:05
You know who has no special?
► 00:47:08
Who?
► 00:47:08
Tony Woods.
► 00:47:09
He's got one.
► 00:47:10
He does?
► 00:47:11
He signed one with Netflix.
► 00:47:12
I don't know if I'm supposed to say that.
► 00:47:13
He's the most underrated comic in America.
► 00:47:15
One of the best ever.
► 00:47:16
Killer.
► 00:47:17
He's the hardest follow for me.
► 00:47:18
Oh, brutal follow.
► 00:47:20
Because he does what I do, but he does conversational, but he does it so much better than me.
► 00:47:24
He's so smooth.
► 00:47:25
Yeah, so smooth.
► 00:47:26
Sexy.
► 00:47:27
It bothers me that it took so long.
► 00:47:29
I mean, it took Chappelle becoming a monolith, like a monster, for people to realize that Chappelle was influenced by Tony Woods and then people hear about Tony Woods.
► 00:47:39
There he is.
► 00:47:39
He's so chill on stage and he's so funny.
► 00:47:43
Funny dude.
► 00:47:44
Oh, that's They Ready?
► 00:47:45
That's a little set he did with Tiffany Haddish.
► 00:47:49
They Ready?
► 00:47:49
I think he does a full hour soon.
► 00:47:51
Nice pants, though.
► 00:47:52
Well, that's good to hear, because it's gonna be great.
► 00:47:54
He's like 75, too.
► 00:47:56
It looks amazing.
► 00:47:57
He's finally ready.
► 00:47:58
I don't think he's that old.
► 00:47:59
He's finally fucking ready.
► 00:48:01
He's going by they now?
► 00:48:03
Can you imagine?
► 00:48:04
Imagine there's a comic who gave into that.
► 00:48:07
What?
► 00:48:07
There are.
► 00:48:08
They them?
► 00:48:08
Like, a real one?
► 00:48:09
That's a couple.
► 00:48:10
Name one.
► 00:48:11
Oh, you guys are in New York City.
► 00:48:12
I keep forgetting.
► 00:48:12
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
► 00:48:13
Go to Broadway.
► 00:48:13
That's not in LA. Oh, you're not in LA. He's basically doing comedy in China.
► 00:48:17
There's like 12 clubs there.
► 00:48:18
It's a satellite club of China.
► 00:48:21
What, New York City?
► 00:48:22
Yeah, that's what it is.
► 00:48:23
It's like communism is slowly making its way into New York City.
► 00:48:26
And then it'll work its way west.
► 00:48:28
New York's the best.
► 00:48:29
That would have been New York's the best.
► 00:48:30
It's a great place.
► 00:48:31
I think it's the best.
► 00:48:33
It's pretty great.
► 00:48:34
It's just people going for it.
► 00:48:35
It's what?
► 00:48:36
It's the Cha-Coms.
► 00:48:37
What's the Cha-Coms?
► 00:48:38
What's that?
► 00:48:38
The Cha-Coms.
► 00:48:38
What does that mean?
► 00:48:40
Chinese communists.
► 00:48:41
Oh.
► 00:48:41
Chi-coms.
► 00:48:42
Chi-coms.
► 00:48:43
I like what you're saying.
► 00:48:44
Brooklyn stuff.
► 00:48:45
I did a show for Marion.
► 00:48:48
I think Night Train or one of the other ones.
► 00:48:50
Oh, yeah.
► 00:48:51
And I got off stage and I was like, I forgot to tell you, they're going to hate you just looking at you.
► 00:48:55
They're going to hate you just looking at you?
► 00:48:56
Yeah, you look like all their landlords.
► 00:48:58
Yeah, exactly.
► 00:48:59
Tall white guy.
► 00:49:01
Good juju.
► 00:49:05
I'm sorry, it's been a rough year.
► 00:49:07
Just give me five days.
► 00:49:10
Yeah, that's Brooklyn.
► 00:49:12
Isn't that weird to hate somebody based on how they look?
Jason & DJ Hazard's Fight
00:15:34
► 00:49:14
Isn't that what we're trying to go against?
► 00:49:15
You're a bigot, Mark.
► 00:49:17
You're a bigot for even saying that.
► 00:49:18
You're a bigot for that now?
► 00:49:19
Yeah.
► 00:49:19
It's so confusing.
► 00:49:21
It is, but it's still fun.
► 00:49:23
Hating men is not bigotry.
► 00:49:27
Let that simmer.
► 00:49:32
Can I get another light here?
► 00:49:34
Yeah.
► 00:49:35
I want out.
► 00:49:36
I can't smoke too much.
► 00:49:37
I get anxiety.
► 00:49:38
Yeah, I keep inhaling it.
► 00:49:39
Oh boy.
► 00:49:40
I keep inhaling it.
► 00:49:41
I've been smoking so many cigars since I moved to Texas.
► 00:49:44
This company, Foundation Cigars, shout out to them.
► 00:49:47
They're the ones who made the JRE Cigar Blend.
► 00:49:51
They've been sending me boxes of cigars.
► 00:49:53
So I'm like smoking a lot of cigars.
► 00:49:54
I asked you months ago.
► 00:49:57
I'm joking.
► 00:49:58
I have more.
► 00:49:58
I have more.
► 00:49:59
I'll fill in the ones that are missing, the ones we smoked.
► 00:50:02
I have four in that.
► 00:50:02
I'll give you those.
► 00:50:03
You have a full box.
► 00:50:04
But I have an extra box.
► 00:50:05
I'll have them send you boxes.
► 00:50:06
I told Bali, he's like, I want to try one.
► 00:50:07
He goes, he's sending me one.
► 00:50:08
And then a month later, he's like, where is it?
► 00:50:09
I'm like, dude, he's got stuff going on.
► 00:50:11
I'm so busy.
► 00:50:12
I forget.
► 00:50:12
My wife tells me shit.
► 00:50:13
I forget it five minutes later.
► 00:50:15
I go, when did you tell me that?
► 00:50:16
She's like, five minutes ago.
► 00:50:17
I think that's pretty normal.
► 00:50:18
Yeah.
► 00:50:18
I have a filter.
► 00:50:19
It's amazing.
► 00:50:20
Because I remember shit from, like, the 20s.
► 00:50:23
I remember shit from, like, the old days.
► 00:50:25
Like, I remember facts and statistics that I should not have in my head at all because they don't do me any good.
► 00:50:30
But yet, things that people tell me, like, how many times has someone told you their name and it's just gone in a second?
► 00:50:36
Gone.
► 00:50:36
What is that?
► 00:50:37
How come that happens?
► 00:50:38
I guess they're not memorable.
► 00:50:40
It's not that, because sometimes you want to know their name.
► 00:50:42
Like, they're really nice.
► 00:50:42
You just don't set it in.
► 00:50:44
Yeah.
► 00:50:44
Dude, I have, like, cousins.
► 00:50:47
You just call them, dude.
► 00:50:50
Here's the best thing to do when somebody realizes, like, oh, I've known this guy for a while.
► 00:50:54
I haven't known his name.
► 00:50:55
So I'll ask you, like, hey, what's that guy's name?
► 00:50:56
Just to know for sure.
► 00:50:57
It's like, it's been too long.
► 00:50:58
Hit him with the other intro.
► 00:50:59
Hit him with a different name.
► 00:51:01
What?
► 00:51:01
Just, who is that?
► 00:51:02
It's like, that's Sam.
► 00:51:03
Sam Gillis.
► 00:51:04
Like, sweet, thank you.
► 00:51:05
And then that guy will, out of his way, go, hey, Sam, I see you again, Sammy.
► 00:51:08
They'll just keep doing it.
► 00:51:10
It pays off.
► 00:51:11
You're not there all the time.
► 00:51:12
It's one of the best pranks.
► 00:51:13
You know what a good move is when you don't know someone's name?
► 00:51:15
You bring someone with you.
► 00:51:16
That's big.
► 00:51:17
That's a good one.
► 00:51:17
And they say, hey, you don't introduce them.
► 00:51:19
Oh, have you met Shane?
► 00:51:20
Yeah, you make it awkward.
► 00:51:22
It's easy.
► 00:51:22
Yeah, and you hope the person says their name.
► 00:51:25
They'll say it back.
► 00:51:25
And if they don't, you just gotta be like...
► 00:51:27
Then you just gotta run away.
► 00:51:28
I think there's a Curb episode about that.
► 00:51:30
Oh, really?
► 00:51:30
Yeah.
► 00:51:31
Yeah, I'm a fucking hack.
► 00:51:32
I know.
► 00:51:33
Larry David sucks.
► 00:51:35
No, he's like my hero.
► 00:51:36
That is a nice one, though.
► 00:51:37
Have you ever seen him do stand-up?
► 00:51:38
No, but I met him once, and he was everything I hoped he would be.
► 00:51:42
Yeah?
► 00:51:42
Yeah, and he, I don't know if I should say it, but he went home with a pretty hot lady at this party.
► 00:51:48
Nice, you just sank his whole fucking life.
► 00:51:50
Well, I mean, he's a heterosexual single man.
► 00:51:53
Is he?
► 00:51:54
Oh, yeah.
► 00:51:54
He's not married?
► 00:51:55
He got divorced.
► 00:51:56
When?
► 00:51:57
About a year and a half ago?
► 00:51:58
Two years ago?
► 00:51:59
Do you think he's slinging dick?
► 00:52:00
Does Larry David sling dick?
► 00:52:01
What are you kidding?
► 00:52:02
He's lucid.
► 00:52:03
Skinny, lanky.
► 00:52:04
68?
► 00:52:05
You see this guy's dong?
► 00:52:06
Giant hog.
► 00:52:06
I've seen ours hog about a hundred times.
► 00:52:08
Yeah, bro.
► 00:52:09
It's a dong.
► 00:52:10
Solid.
► 00:52:10
How many times have I seen your dick?
► 00:52:11
Seriously.
► 00:52:12
Uncountable.
► 00:52:12
It's amazing.
► 00:52:14
Will Chamberlain numbers.
► 00:52:15
He's got a big dick.
► 00:52:16
I mean, mine's decent.
► 00:52:18
He's got a very big dick.
► 00:52:19
That's how he handled the antibody lines.
► 00:52:21
He's going to handle this.
► 00:52:23
I mean, I'm honest.
► 00:52:24
I've talked to people who've blown him.
► 00:52:26
Oh, nice.
► 00:52:27
Congratulations.
► 00:52:28
Greg Fitzsimmons.
► 00:52:30
Greg is in San Francisco this weekend, ladies.
► 00:52:32
Go and see him.
► 00:52:33
Also a big piece on that Irish Mick.
► 00:52:35
Fitzy?
► 00:52:35
It's a funny guy.
► 00:52:36
Oh, man.
► 00:52:37
He's another guy.
► 00:52:37
Very underrated.
► 00:52:39
Fitzy's underrated.
► 00:52:40
He's a fucking very underrated comic.
► 00:52:41
Always brings it.
► 00:52:42
Real pro.
► 00:52:42
Solid, solid comic.
► 00:52:44
Funny fucking dude hanging with him.
► 00:52:46
Imagine that's your dad.
► 00:52:46
Sorry.
► 00:52:46
Yeah.
► 00:52:47
That's somebody's dad.
► 00:52:48
Yeah.
► 00:52:49
My dad wore a bad suit and had a briefcase.
► 00:52:51
He has jokes about that, too.
► 00:52:53
Like, his kids give him shit.
► 00:52:54
He's like, you don't fucking know me.
► 00:52:56
He also is good with, like, roasty stuff.
► 00:52:59
Oh, yeah.
► 00:53:00
And so, like, if his daughter's like, you don't know anything, he's like, oh, is it on?
► 00:53:04
Oh, it's on?
► 00:53:05
It's just like, I would not start with that guy.
► 00:53:09
Greg and I started one week apart from each other.
► 00:53:12
Wow.
► 00:53:13
We did the road together as open micers.
► 00:53:15
We would drive all the way to Rhode Island to do like fucking 10 minutes on an open mic for free.
► 00:53:20
I love those days.
► 00:53:21
Those were good times.
► 00:53:22
Yeah, we did so many gigs together.
► 00:53:23
My God.
► 00:53:24
Like in the late 80s.
► 00:53:26
Wow.
► 00:53:26
We traveled everywhere together.
► 00:53:27
You didn't realize how fun that was at the time.
► 00:53:29
At the time, like, this sucks.
► 00:53:31
We're bombing every night.
► 00:53:32
We're getting no money.
► 00:53:33
I got a day job.
► 00:53:33
We kind of enjoyed that we were getting on stage.
► 00:53:36
Yeah.
► 00:53:36
Yeah, it was that.
► 00:53:37
But we didn't think we were 21. We didn't think there was ever going to be a career.
► 00:53:42
Right.
► 00:53:42
I remember I went to this guy, DJ Hazard's apartment.
► 00:53:46
I know DJ Hazard.
► 00:53:47
You know DJ Hazard?
► 00:53:47
Yeah, funny guy.
► 00:53:48
Funny guy.
► 00:53:49
DJ Hazard had a loft in Massachusetts, somewhere outside of Boston.
► 00:53:53
And it was like they took an old school building and they converted it into apartments.
► 00:53:58
And I went to his apartment.
► 00:53:59
It was like exposed wood.
► 00:54:00
And he had like this fucking cool apartment.
► 00:54:03
I remember thinking, my God.
► 00:54:06
Imagine, he pays for this with jokes.
► 00:54:08
Wow, yeah.
► 00:54:08
I remember thinking that, because I was doing three different jobs.
► 00:54:12
I was driving limos and working construction.
► 00:54:14
It didn't seem possible, right?
► 00:54:15
It didn't seem possible.
► 00:54:16
I was like, this guy's a professional comedian.
► 00:54:18
That's all he does.
► 00:54:19
And he headlines.
► 00:54:20
Everywhere you go, you see the little newspaper clippings.
► 00:54:22
It's DJ Hazard.
► 00:54:24
Headliner, DJ Hazard.
► 00:54:25
And his face with his eyebrow raised up, looking hilarious.
► 00:54:29
There he is.
► 00:54:30
There's DJ. Eyebrow raised.
► 00:54:32
There's the eyebrow raised.
► 00:54:33
That was back when comics were beefy and scary.
► 00:54:36
Well, they were in Boston.
► 00:54:37
He's a big fucking guy.
► 00:54:38
They were all these big fucking guys.
► 00:54:40
Look at the size of his neck.
► 00:54:42
He looks like a thing.
► 00:54:43
He looks like a bad guy from Dune.
► 00:54:45
But, sweetheart of a guy.
► 00:54:46
Very, very nice guy.
► 00:54:47
And very funny.
► 00:54:48
Very funny.
► 00:54:49
There were so many of those guys.
► 00:54:51
All the guys in Boston, like Dane Cook had a really good point about that.
► 00:54:55
They were all like men.
► 00:54:56
They were all like six foot two, burly, 230 pound fucking gorillas.
► 00:55:02
Coke.
► 00:55:02
They were all doing coke.
► 00:55:04
Get paid in coke.
► 00:55:05
You ever get paid in coke?
► 00:55:05
No, they offered it to me.
► 00:55:06
Yeah, they offered it to me.
► 00:55:08
Yeah, they said you want to get paid in cash or coke or both.
► 00:55:10
And I was like, holy shit, give me the cash.
► 00:55:12
If somebody offered me...
► 00:55:13
Dang, that'd be a fun night.
► 00:55:14
You gotta take the coke.
► 00:55:15
Yeah, if somebody...
► 00:55:16
Exactly.
► 00:55:17
You gotta take the coke.
► 00:55:17
This is probably the time to do it.
► 00:55:19
You've never done cocaine?
► 00:55:20
I've never done it either.
► 00:55:21
You should try it.
► 00:55:21
Get some pure stuff.
► 00:55:22
That's why we're on this side.
► 00:55:24
We're on this side of the table.
► 00:55:25
You've never done coke?
► 00:55:26
I'm not against it, but I never did it.
► 00:55:28
How about when we did Molly?
► 00:55:29
That was fun.
► 00:55:29
Oh, that was a bad night.
► 00:55:31
When was that?
► 00:55:31
Did you fuck him?
► 00:55:33
When was that?
► 00:55:35
Yeah, Helium was letting me do shows over COVID. And so that was the way we'd be able to party with all our friends.
► 00:55:42
So we would do shows at Helium, and then once everybody left, we'd clear it out.
► 00:55:45
Philly Helium?
► 00:55:45
Or which one?
► 00:55:46
Yeah, Philly Helium.
► 00:55:47
That's the best one.
► 00:55:47
They don't know we were doing this.
► 00:55:49
Oh, shit.
► 00:55:50
Oh, I told them.
► 00:55:51
You know, they're opening up out here.
► 00:55:53
They're opening up in the domain.
► 00:55:54
They're reusing the Cap City name.
► 00:55:56
What?
► 00:55:56
Yeah, he bought the Cap City name, and he's opening up a new Cap City in the domain.
► 00:56:00
Is that going to fuck with your room?
► 00:56:02
No, it's fine.
► 00:56:03
I'll go there.
► 00:56:03
I'll perform there.
► 00:56:04
Joe said he wants to...
► 00:56:05
Do you mind?
► 00:56:06
Yeah.
► 00:56:06
Joe said he wants to go to every club in the city to let everybody know, like, hey, there's none of this.
► 00:56:11
Perform there or here.
► 00:56:12
That's nonsense.
► 00:56:13
I'll perform there.
► 00:56:14
You can perform here.
► 00:56:15
Yeah, I'll do all the clubs.
► 00:56:16
I want it to be a fun place.
► 00:56:19
I don't give a fuck.
► 00:56:21
You say that now, but then your numbers start going down.
► 00:56:24
Not my bank account, bitch.
► 00:56:26
Yeah, I bet you he's gonna be alright with the...
► 00:56:28
Joe got a deal for over $100,000.
► 00:56:31
Wow!
► 00:56:32
500 bucks from this company.
► 00:56:33
It's not American money.
► 00:56:34
Shut the fuck up.
► 00:56:35
It's Bitcoin.
► 00:56:36
It's all in bit now.
► 00:56:38
You're Illuminati now.
► 00:56:39
Yeah, dude.
► 00:56:39
You're Illuminati.
► 00:56:40
I'm not, though.
► 00:56:41
That's the problem.
► 00:56:42
I'm on the outside.
► 00:56:43
Do you have one of those masks you hold with a stick?
► 00:56:44
Those are plague masks.
► 00:56:46
I have a plague mask.
► 00:56:47
But the fact that you were, like, talked about in the debates, that's insane.
► 00:56:51
What?
► 00:56:51
What?
► 00:56:51
Like, the presidential debates, like, we should get Joe Rogan.
► 00:56:54
Yeah, Trump wanted me to host a debate with him and Biden in the podcast.
► 00:56:59
Damn, that would have been good.
► 00:57:00
That's insane.
► 00:57:00
That would have been so good.
► 00:57:01
What t-shirt would you have worn?
► 00:57:02
That would have been so fun.
► 00:57:03
Probably like ACDC.
► 00:57:05
Cypress Hill.
► 00:57:06
I would you have got a button.
► 00:57:06
Yeah, Cypress Hill.
► 00:57:08
You've got to do on it, folks.
► 00:57:09
That's a tough point.
► 00:57:10
When you look at your closet, you're like, what's right for this?
► 00:57:12
Right, what is right for this?
► 00:57:14
I probably would have worn one of my buddy's t-shirts.
► 00:57:16
There you go.
► 00:57:17
Maybe yours.
► 00:57:18
I wore yours a bunch.
► 00:57:19
I love that one, the one that you have to look at with glasses.
► 00:57:22
Oh, the 3D one.
► 00:57:23
I fucking lost that one.
► 00:57:24
Do you have other ones of those?
► 00:57:25
God.
► 00:57:25
God damn it.
► 00:57:27
Something happened in the move, and I can't find that fucking shirt.
► 00:57:30
That was one of my favorite ones.
► 00:57:31
They came with 3D glasses.
► 00:57:32
That was a fun one.
► 00:57:33
Yes, that was a good one.
► 00:57:34
Try to have cool merch.
► 00:57:35
If you put the glasses on, the shirt would perform for you.
► 00:57:39
It would wiggle.
► 00:57:40
Oh, all right.
► 00:57:40
Yeah, it was dope.
► 00:57:41
We got a great shirt for tomorrow, for the secret show tomorrow.
► 00:57:44
Oh, yeah?
► 00:57:44
Do we?
► 00:57:45
Yeah.
► 00:57:46
Who's the secret guest?
► 00:57:47
It's you, Mark!
► 00:57:49
Mark, you're the secret guest.
► 00:57:50
What kind of guest is that?
► 00:57:52
Secret as hell.
► 00:57:54
So what's the shirt?
► 00:57:55
I shouldn't even ruin it, but I'll just say it's just really cutesy.
► 00:58:01
I'll show you a picture of it.
► 00:58:02
It's Lewis has sex with young boys.
► 00:58:05
Did you say that?
► 00:58:06
I don't want any boys.
► 00:58:08
I gotta get one of those.
► 00:58:10
What the fuck is wrong with you?
► 00:58:12
He's got a son.
► 00:58:12
Get me a medium.
► 00:58:14
It's so cutesy, too.
► 00:58:15
Oh my god, dude.
► 00:58:16
We're donating one dollar from every ticket to Nambla on behalf of Luis Gomez.
► 00:58:21
To Nambla from Luis Gomez.
► 00:58:23
Is Nambla still alive?
► 00:58:24
Live and kicking.
► 00:58:25
Who's Nambla?
► 00:58:26
The North American Man Boy Love Association?
► 00:58:29
Oh, nice!
► 00:58:31
That's a real thing.
► 00:58:32
I gotta pay my dues on that.
► 00:58:33
Is that still real?
► 00:58:34
Yeah.
► 00:58:35
Well, it was a real thing.
► 00:58:37
I think it's still there.
► 00:58:39
Nambla?
► 00:58:40
Mm-hmm.
► 00:58:41
What a fucking terrifying organization.
► 00:58:43
They loved it so much that they actually formed a group.
► 00:58:46
They went public.
► 00:58:47
They were like, yeah, there's just a lot of us out there.
► 00:58:49
We just got to get together and strengthen numbers.
► 00:58:53
I've never heard of that one.
► 00:58:55
It's crazy.
► 00:58:55
Namely, you've never heard of it?
► 00:58:56
No.
► 00:58:56
The whole South Park episode dedicated to it.
► 00:58:59
We love young boys.
► 00:59:00
What do you want us to do?
► 00:59:01
Not love them?
► 00:59:02
What about NAACP? Is that still kicking?
► 00:59:05
You know what's weird about that is you're not supposed to say colored people.
► 00:59:08
Colored people's weird.
► 00:59:09
Isn't that strange?
► 00:59:09
But you say people of color.
► 00:59:11
Exactly.
► 00:59:11
But it's in the thing.
► 00:59:12
Colored people.
► 00:59:14
That's what it is.
► 00:59:15
NAACP. You can't really attack it.
► 00:59:17
You can't attack it?
► 00:59:19
You can't attack it.
► 00:59:20
No.
► 00:59:21
Do you want to?
► 00:59:21
Good luck.
► 00:59:22
Can we back up when you do it?
► 00:59:24
You're going to go ahead and try to attack the NAACP? I think they're backwards.
► 00:59:28
I think I need to come with the times.
► 00:59:31
It's like, this shit's not acceptable anymore.
► 00:59:34
It's not cool to say colored people?
► 00:59:35
It is weird to say people of color, but colored people's bad.
► 00:59:38
It's silly.
► 00:59:39
It just shows you how many goofy fucking things there are.
► 00:59:41
Like, how about this?
► 00:59:42
Englishman, fine.
► 00:59:43
Chinaman, you're a terrible person.
► 00:59:45
How about this?
► 00:59:46
How about this?
► 00:59:51
Put that down!
► 00:59:54
He's gonna fucking hate you for that one!
► 00:59:56
He's gonna be so mad!
► 00:59:58
At least make it young girls so he's not gay!
► 01:00:03
At least it doesn't look anything like him.
► 01:00:06
That looks exactly like Lewis!
► 01:00:09
That might look like him after the Jason Ellis fight.
► 01:00:13
Did Jason fight?
► 01:00:15
I don't know that.
► 01:00:15
What are you kidding?
► 01:00:16
Listen to me.
► 01:00:17
I don't know.
► 01:00:17
Back when he was younger, back when he was in his 20s and 30s a long time ago.
► 01:00:21
Jason Ellis can fight.
► 01:00:23
Legitimately, 100% fight.
► 01:00:26
Actually fight.
► 01:00:27
He's very skillful.
► 01:00:29
He's got very strong punches.
► 01:00:31
He's very good at placing him on your face.
► 01:00:33
He's gonna win.
► 01:00:34
This is...
► 01:00:35
No, no, no.
► 01:00:36
Is that Lewis?
► 01:00:37
No, no, no.
► 01:00:38
Show him the one where he's fighting a guy with his arm behind his back.
► 01:00:39
He's fighting Shane Carwin who's 260 fucking pounds.
► 01:00:42
You're leaving out the detail.
► 01:00:43
And a former UFC heavyweight champion.
► 01:00:44
Is that him who got knocked out?
► 01:00:46
No, it's him knocking the guy out.
► 01:00:47
What is that from?
► 01:00:48
Is that pink?
► 01:00:50
That's him fighting Uriah Faber in a boxing match.
► 01:00:53
I wouldn't fight pink.