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Sept. 28, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:43:02
Joe Rogan Experience #1712 - Bert Kreischer Part 1

Bert Kreischer and Joe Rogan revisit their March 2020 quarantine debut, where Kreischer’s drive-in comedy shows thrived amid pandemic chaos. They critique inconsistent COVID guidelines—like masks—while debating ivermectin’s role in Rogan’s recovery, contrasting it with ventilator risks. Kreischer’s fitness journey, from bench pressing 235 lbs to post-surgery running, mirrors Rogan’s praise for disciplined athletes like Brian Ortega and Jiu-Jitsu "nerd assassins." Cold exposure experiments, including 20-minute ice baths, tie into broader pandemic resilience discussions, culminating in Kreischer’s admiration for Rogan’s balanced, respectful approach to comedy and controversy. [Automatically generated summary]

Transcriber: large-v3-turbo
Participants
Main
b
bert kreischer
01:07:46
joe rogan
01:29:25
Appearances
Clips
j
jamie vernon
00:11

Speaker Time Text
March 17th Home Orders 00:05:56
bert kreischer
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
unidentified
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
joe rogan
We're up.
unidentified
Oh yeah.
joe rogan
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy How long has it been?
It's been months and months.
bert kreischer
It's been all quarantine.
No, no, it's the first quarantine.
We did a podcast right when, I think, my special aired.
joe rogan
Right, right when it started going down.
bert kreischer
When we smoked two separate joints because we were scared.
joe rogan
Was that like May or something?
bert kreischer
It was March.
March 20th we did a podcast, I think.
joe rogan
Now we're ready to make out.
bert kreischer
Yeah, little did I know I didn't need to do anyone's podcast.
Stay at home.
Home orders are really good for a special.
Special comes out March 17th.
Stay-at-home orders kick out March 15th.
joe rogan
Perfect.
bert kreischer
I mean, we're talking.
joe rogan
Greatest timing ever.
bert kreischer
Fuck a snowstorm, Ralphie Mae.
unidentified
Right.
joe rogan
Everyone's at home.
bert kreischer
Dude, it was insane.
And then the cabin came out, and I was like, I was going to hit you up to do your podcast.
I was like, you know what?
They still got stay-at-home orders.
I think we're good.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Well, one of the weirdest things that happened was podcasts are essential businesses.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, okay.
bert kreischer
I'll tell you what, it kept me sane.
Me and Tom did Two Bears, One Cave.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Best thing that ever fucking happened to me.
joe rogan
Yeah, because it gives you something to do.
bert kreischer
Yeah, and we doubled down.
joe rogan
When you weren't doing shows.
bert kreischer
We started doing one every week, and we were doing two a month.
And we just, I mean, it was like complete, and we just forgot about COVID when we got in there.
joe rogan
And may I be the one to say that you were the first person to figure out to do drive-through or drive-in movie shows?
See, there's a lot of people, other people try to take credit for that, Bert Kreischer.
bert kreischer
I will listen to that podcast.
joe rogan
It's not some different human...
And I try to be diplomatic, because I know it was you, and I was like, you know what it's like?
It's like when someone has a hand grenade and they pull the pin, and you're like, don't let go of that thing, because that's a live hand grenade.
And they're like, no, it's not.
I'm like, okay.
bert kreischer
Can I tell you?
unidentified
Okay.
bert kreischer
And I told you outside, I got the same Amanda Knox thing Malcolm Gladwell says she has, that guilty disorder.
Yeah.
I listened to that and I went, oh my god, I didn't create the drive-in.
Eliza did.
I didn't create it.
joe rogan
You thought that?
bert kreischer
You panicked?
I was like, I stole it from her.
I was like, I know I came up with that.
March 17th, the day my special aired, I called Nick Nussiforo.
I said, yo, get me to drive-in movie theaters.
He's like, it's not a thing.
And I go, no, we'll make it a thing.
I go, they're wide open.
No one's using them.
Let's get in there.
We'll have all the feed going from my audio on a stage right next to the big screen.
We'll shoot it.
He's like, it's not a thing.
Then he hits me back.
He goes, okay, I got an electronic dance producer, EMD music, whatever.
They think they can do it.
unidentified
Hotbox.
bert kreischer
Shout out to Hotbox.
Those guys are gangsters.
He's like, the money is shit.
He's like, you got to pay for another tour bus, a thing to drag the stage around, a crew of 12. And he's like, and you gotta rent the vent.
He's like, it's money as shit.
But if you wanna do it, you can do it.
And I was like, let's do it.
And they signed me up for like 14. And I was like, hang on, let's do like a couple and see if I, I don't wanna commit to a fucking summer.
So we did the first one in a rock quarry in North Carolina, the most beautiful location.
I did an hour and 35 minutes.
In 35 minutes, I did my whole hour.
And I was like, time to tell the machine twice.
I was like, fuck it.
And I called him that night on the bus.
I was like, book me in every city.
I think we did like 60 cities.
joe rogan
Yeah, I remember you telling me about the idea.
I knew you came up with it, but there was a moment.
It was like a 30-second moment in the podcast while Jamie was looking it up.
bert kreischer
Me too!
I was like, God damn it, I hope Jamie's good.
I watched it, I was like, I was out there in June.
joe rogan
The best thing was her reaction.
Well, that's not safe.
unidentified
The difference between September and what was it?
joe rogan
When did you come up with it?
Your first was like June, right?
bert kreischer
June.
And we were out all summer and it was the coolest fucking thing.
And look, I think anyone who was there, we did, I think, 2,000 cars in Philly.
That's wild.
I was telling jokes to people a quarter of a mile away.
Like a quarter of a mile away.
They couldn't even see the stage.
They just had screens everywhere.
joe rogan
That's crazy.
bert kreischer
But what was great is you get done the show, you get in the back of a golf cart with a cocktail, Tito's and Soda's, shirt off.
I'd stand where the golf bags sit.
And I just drive through the line while they wait in traffic and go, thanks for coming.
Do my meet and greet that way.
And it was the funnest way to spend a pandemic summer in a bubble, on a bus, and people were, like, I think people admit, not the best comedy show they've ever seen in their life.
I mean, we did good work, but like...
joe rogan
Not the best environment.
bert kreischer
Not the best environment, but everyone was grateful.
They're like, you got us out of the house.
You made us feel normal again.
Thank you very much.
Everyone was grateful.
Not one complaint the entire summer.
joe rogan
Look at that.
bert kreischer
Dude, this was in Pittsburgh.
That's one of the better locations I've played at.
joe rogan
That's so awesome.
bert kreischer
Butler, Pennsylvania.
joe rogan
It was brilliant.
It was beautiful.
I love that you did it.
bert kreischer
It was so much fun.
joe rogan
No, it was a very innovative thing.
Is that what Variety gave you the award for?
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
Did they give you the award for this?
bert kreischer
Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah, because no one was touring.
joe rogan
Right.
And you did it.
Listen, that's as safe as you can get.
People are in their fucking cars.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
They're in their cars 10 feet away from each other.
It's genius.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's genius.
It was an amazing idea, dude.
I love it.
bert kreischer
Thank you.
Thank you very much, Joe.
I remember telling the idea to Tom when I came up with it, and Tom goes, looks me in the eyes and goes, you don't want to be a guinea pig.
joe rogan
Yes, you do.
Winston's Damn Torpedoes Warning 00:03:48
bert kreischer
I go, what are you talking about?
And he was like, I don't know, man.
He was like, we'll keep doing the podcast.
Stay here.
Don't worry about it.
joe rogan
Do you mean a guinea pig for science and medicine or for trying out a new kind of comedy?
bert kreischer
For trying out a new kind of comedy.
He's like, it could fuck up your career.
He's like, I already sold out a whole theater tour.
And so he's like, you could fuck up your career.
joe rogan
How are you going to fuck up your career?
bert kreischer
Because you do it and it's bad and you bomb and then all your fans are like, well that fucking sucked and then you lose a market.
joe rogan
Zoom comedy can fuck up your career.
bert kreischer
I didn't do any of that.
joe rogan
I watched really great comics do Zoom comedy with no audience and their comedy looked terrible.
Like great jokes.
bert kreischer
I saw a couple of those.
joe rogan
That I know is funny.
If you saw it in front of a crowd at the improv, it'll be brilliant.
bert kreischer
Let me tell you, the award I got for Idy, I love the name of this award, it's called Damn the Torpedoes.
joe rogan
Is that, what's cutting out?
Is that my mic or your?
bert kreischer
No, it's not mine.
joe rogan
Or my headset?
unidentified
It's your headset.
I don't hear anything.
joe rogan
It's just, it started cutting out.
It's like fucking up.
bert kreischer
Jamie, will you find out who said Damn the Torpedoes?
It was Winston Churchill, my favorite fucking alcoholic.
joe rogan
Check, check, check, check.
bert kreischer
Here we go.
joe rogan
All right, we're back.
bert kreischer
Winston Churchill said, damn the torpedoes.
Is that it?
joe rogan
Was he an alcoholic?
bert kreischer
Let me put my cigar down for a second.
joe rogan
He looks like one.
bert kreischer
Don't even tell me who said it, because let me just tell you about Winston Churchill.
joe rogan
Hey, Jamie, this is a problem.
There's something going on here.
When he's talking, it's cutting out when I'm talking, too.
unidentified
Pause.
joe rogan
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry, folks.
We had to lose wire.
bert kreischer
So Winston Churchill.
Winston Churchill would wake up every morning with a scotch and a cigar, eggs, bacon, toast, and his paper.
joe rogan
Now I'm hungry and I want to read.
bert kreischer
Jamie, pull up Burt Kreischer Winston Churchill Day.
So I find out this and I go, and then he'd go to lunch.
He'd have a bottle of champagne at lunch.
A whole bottle?
A whole bottle.
A whole bottle at lunch.
joe rogan
How old do you think he was when he died?
bert kreischer
I think he was like 82, 78. Wow.
That's pretty good.
So I find this out, and I become obsessed with Winston Churchill.
joe rogan
What's his name?
bert kreischer
Winston Churchill.
joe rogan
We're not even drunk yet!
bert kreischer
So I decide on the day of his death, I'm going to celebrate Winston Churchill Day.
joe rogan
Are you going to do it like he did it?
bert kreischer
Joe, my wife sucks at presents.
I mean, sucks at buying presents.
She bought me a generator one year, an iPad.
Yeah, in a pandemic, it wasn't that bad.
And she made me a scotch, eggs, Bacon, coffee, water, toast, jam, berries.
And Joe, all these little crystal things, the toast holder, she bought that all for Christmas.
And she said, we're celebrating Winston Churchill Day with you.
That was one of the best days I've ever had in my life.
I woke up with a scotch and a cigar and smoked it in my bed.
joe rogan
That's pretty nice.
bert kreischer
It was fucking out of this world.
And then I won the Damn the Torpedoes line, right?
Is that Winston Churchill?
Yeah, it was somebody else.
Motherfucker.
joe rogan
Full speed ahead.
bert kreischer
Damn, how great is that?
joe rogan
David Glasgow Farragut.
bert kreischer
Hey, I'm Farragut.
joe rogan
How do you say that?
Farragut?
Farragut.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
Also spelled Glasgow.
C-O-E or C-O-W? Oh, in the American Civil War.
Flag officer.
bert kreischer
So damn the torpedoes means, what does it phrase mean?
It means ignore the cautions, right?
Does it?
joe rogan
Damn them.
Like, fuck those torpedoes.
bert kreischer
To dismiss the risk of a dangerous action.
Dave Williamson's Smoking Genius 00:03:52
bert kreischer
And so I got that award because I did that.
I looked at Tom and I was like, yeah, I don't mind being a guinea pig.
I was like, fuck it.
If it's fun, I'll do it.
And then halfway through, I put up a video and Tom goes, oh, this is so you.
He was like, this might be more you than theaters.
Like, because we'd get there, Dave Williamson would start smoking a fucking...
Remember I hit you up in San Antonio?
I was like, we got an A5 Wagyu brisket.
Dave would wake up.
We'd get pulling the bus.
Dave would put on a brisket.
We'd start barbecuing.
We'd wake up.
joe rogan
Who's Dave?
bert kreischer
Dave Williamson.
Fantastic comic and an amazing barbecue.
joe rogan
Really?
bert kreischer
He's got a podcast called Meet Dave, and he knows more about barbecue.
unidentified
M-E-A-T? M-E-A-T. M-E-A-T. Meet Dave.
bert kreischer
And he is...
I mean, I could not say enough about him.
joe rogan
So it's like a barbecue slash comedy podcast?
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's a genius idea.
bert kreischer
It's a genius idea, and he's a genius barbecuer.
joe rogan
Where does he live?
bert kreischer
He lives in El Segundo.
During the pandemic, what he'd do is he'd go in and he'd get a bunch of ribs.
He's a big smoker.
Get a bunch of ribs, a bunch of briskets.
Send out a mass email to all his neighbors.
Go put in your orders.
They'll be here.
Drop off whatever you want to give me.
People would put in a rack of ribs, 20 bucks.
Dave would make enough to barbecue for himself, feed the family, make a little beer money.
He loves it, and he loves it.
He's passionate about it.
joe rogan
No shit.
bert kreischer
The way you're passionate about so many different things, but when you find something, you just immerse yourself in it.
Dave was like that with barbecue.
He got into it, and now whenever we tour, the top barbecue in the area, this whole summer, would drop off huge trays for us, because they know Dave's into barbecue.
joe rogan
Oh, that's amazing.
What does he bring to travel to cook with?
bert kreischer
Well, we have a RecTech Travel Smoker.
It's about this big, it fits on our bus, and we burn that thing inside and out.
joe rogan
It's a pellet grill?
bert kreischer
Pellet grill.
About this big.
We put salmon on it.
He'll do a rub on the salmon.
He feeds us like kings.
Wow.
joe rogan
And he's a good comic?
bert kreischer
He's a fantastic comic.
joe rogan
What a great fucking thing to have.
bert kreischer
There's Dave.
unidentified
There he is.
Look at him.
bert kreischer
Dave opened with me and Mark.
He was with me and Mark Norman in Red Rocks.
joe rogan
Look at his shirt.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
What is that thing?
Oh, it's a barbecue, one of them chimneys.
Oh, so he's doing it traditional style, too.
bert kreischer
Oh, he does it everywhere.
joe rogan
He's got a green egg.
So he's just all about the barbecue.
bert kreischer
He's got his own rub.
joe rogan
Oh, he's got his own rubs?
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ, Dave.
bert kreischer
Go to his Instagram, everyone.
It's DaveWComedy, and you can follow him, and he puts barbecue content up all the time.
unidentified
Wow.
bert kreischer
He's got his own rub, and he is an amazing comic.
joe rogan
Nice.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
Pretty fucking bad.
Oh, look at that.
He's got his own little fucking thing on his little truck.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
He's the best, man.
He's like the reason.
I can tour with him because he's the easiest guy to get along with.
He gets a joke.
Like one night we were drinking.
We were driving down the road and he was in the shower and I just took all my clothes off and got in with him and started yelling, party shower!
And he'd coach his water polo.
He was like, that was problematic for my kids.
Trust me.
They follow your Instagram.
But yeah, man, that was our summer.
We'd barbecue.
We'd party.
And Tommy's like, this is so you.
He did the Rose Bowl with me.
We did the Rose Bowl together.
Sold it out.
Huge venue.
Sun sets over the mountains.
joe rogan
Wow.
bert kreischer
Tom's like, this is fucking awesome.
joe rogan
Did you do any testing at all when you were doing this?
bert kreischer
So this was like when testing wasn't super available.
So we would test in LA and then all get on the bus and then that remained our bubble the entire tour.
So we would have zero contact with everyone and then We really stepped it up because the first time we came in and then we all quarantined in the bus for like five days at my new house.
A Vibrator and Some Chains 00:04:31
bert kreischer
Just sat there in a bus.
And then I was like, fuck that.
I was like, you know what?
I'm not making money on this tour.
I'm not making a ton of money on this tour.
I was like, let's get us a house in Sedona.
And let's quarantine in Sedona for five days.
That way we know we're clean and then drive into LA. And then we get tested in Salt Lake City or wherever it was there.
We get tested and drive in.
And it was the best summer, it was the best experience I've ever had, comedy-wise.
Until Red Rocks, but but it was like it was just awesome was fun and people were appreciative and Then and then couple that with the fact that I'm business partners with one of the most fucking brilliant men in the world Tom Segura And we start doing our live gigs those two bears live.
Yeah, yeah, and it was like I'd come home I do a live gig with him get blackout drunk tether our dicks together with electrodes shock each other's dicks guys did that Joe So we go to a dominatrix for one of our live gigs, right?
joe rogan
Right.
I heard about that, but I didn't hear the whole story.
bert kreischer
So we go in, and I'm 100% game the second we get there.
I'm like, really game?
Tom's a little hesitant.
And so I open up a bottle of whiskey.
I go, why don't we start drinking and loosen up?
A couple buffalo traces later, Tom and I are in our underwear.
We're staring at each other, and this woman's like, so I can tether your dicks together and shock them.
I'm like, we're in.
Tom's like, I don't think this is a good idea.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's a bad idea.
bert kreischer
I go, we should do it, Tom.
It'll be great for the live show.
joe rogan
I don't like that word with dicks.
Because what happens if someone falls?
Like, how are you tethered?
bert kreischer
We're standing face to face.
joe rogan
Right, what if something goes wrong?
Like, what if your dick gets ripped off because Tom falls back?
He's not a small person.
bert kreischer
We didn't think this through entirely.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Standing each other, we have these cock rings on our cocks.
Oh boy.
Electrode's going to two different controllers and she's just cranking us up.
joe rogan
Like dog collar type controllers or Taser?
bert kreischer
I don't know.
joe rogan
Because like dog collar hurts, but Taser incapacitates you.
That's what I'm worried about.
bert kreischer
No.
I think it was much more like the TENS machine.
joe rogan
Oh, okay.
bert kreischer
So it was just electric.
joe rogan
Tens.
Yeah, so like you go to the therapist and you need muscle problems.
bert kreischer
So she'd hit our cocks, just and then back and forth, and we're crying laughing.
unidentified
What if you came?
joe rogan
What if you just like a fucking rocket ship?
bert kreischer
So we get done and she looks at us and she goes, all right, that's as high as they go.
I'm like, cool.
She's like, all right, you guys want me to make you guys come?
And Tom and I are looking at each other and we're like, No?
And then she goes...
joe rogan
Look at you two.
bert kreischer
We had so much...
unidentified
Boy, he's hairy.
joe rogan
What a hairy fella.
bert kreischer
Very hairy.
Like a gorilla.
joe rogan
Look at him.
bert kreischer
This is back when he had two good arms.
joe rogan
And you guys are chained up while this is happening?
bert kreischer
Chained up.
joe rogan
So when she said, make you come, how was she going to do that?
bert kreischer
That's what we asked next.
We're like, so how would that happen?
She goes, ah, take you guys out in the other room, take a vibrator, put it in your cock, and you guys would just blow a load.
And we were like...
joe rogan
A vibrator, put it in your cock.
bert kreischer
Put it on your cock.
joe rogan
A vibrator on your cock.
bert kreischer
A vibrator on your cock until you guys come.
And both Tom and I are like...
Can you show us where you'd put it on our cocks?
Because we'll find the vibrator and do it to ourselves later.
And she was just like, ah, don't worry about it.
And then the best part is we get done, right?
We're done.
And this other dominatrix comes in.
Looks like this is like a fucking trap house for dominatrix.
joe rogan
You rent a trap house?
bert kreischer
Yeah, so these dominatrix just rent a room in this house and then come in, torture a dude, and then bail.
It's like a nail salon, right?
Or like a hair salon.
joe rogan
Like a pop-up.
bert kreischer
Yeah, yeah, like a pop-up for a restaurant.
So between me and Tom, I always get recognized because I'm so loud.
Tom never is the one that gets recognized.
It's always between me and it's always me.
So this girl walks in and she lights up hot as fuck.
She goes, Tom Segura!
And he's like, hey!
She was like, what are you doing here?
And he's like, oh, we're just shooting a thing for my live event.
She's like, I'm the biggest fan.
And he's like, oh, really?
And she's like, oh, my God.
Wait, can I do some stuff with you?
And he's like, well, we're all done.
She's like, oh, my God.
Would it be too much to ask if I get a picture?
And he goes, sure.
And he's like, anyone else?
Do you want to get a picture with anyone else in the room?
She looks at me and she's like, nah, just you.
I'm a big fan.
He's like, yeah.
Looks at me, gives me a wink.
They go over and she goes, all right, get on your knees, bitch.
When Shit Goes South 00:13:08
bert kreischer
And he's like, huh?
She's like, get on your fucking knees.
So Tom gets on his knees and gets a picture with a Dominator.
unidentified
Get on your knees, bitch.
bert kreischer
I'm a big fan.
joe rogan
I'm a big fan.
Get on your knees, bitch.
bert kreischer
And Tom, just because we were such in a dom mood, we'd been dominated all day, he just got on his knees and took the picture.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
bert kreischer
That's hilarious.
Dude, I miss him not living in LA. I miss you not living in LA. Come on about here, bitch.
joe rogan
It's a better place to live.
It's so nice out here, dude.
I'm telling you, I'm never going back.
I went back.
I did The Forum, and I did Sacramento.
Had a great fucking time.
But when I went back, I was like, Jesus Christ, the traffic, and everyone feels like they're a prisoner.
People have anxiety.
Everyone has anxiety in L.A. You don't realize it until you get out of there.
I just think that there's a thing that happens when you're around large groups of people.
There's a lot of excitement, like when you visit New York City.
It's great if New York City's popping like three years ago.
It was great.
But now it's sketching, right?
So there's a certain amount of energy, because there's a lot of people, but there's a certain amount of anxiety that comes with just being overwhelmed by population, by just large numbers.
That goes away out here.
The thing about living here, there's a million people in the city.
It's like, huh.
It goes away.
Everyone's friendly.
They're all nice.
bert kreischer
Tom, we went to that soccer game last night and it was like, I was like, oh shit, I'm not having like panic attacks.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Dude, that's a lot of it.
A lot of it is just population.
When I built that apocalypse truck, that land cruiser that I got, I built it because I was telling my wife, I was like, if some shit goes down, we gotta be able to get the fuck out of here, like legitimately.
Like I need a big tank of gas and we gotta have money and we gotta have guns.
And she was like, this is such a ridiculous idea.
Then the pandemic hit.
And she saw the lines in front of gun stores, and she saw people freaking out, and then everyone was hoarding food and toilet paper.
And I was like, yeah, this is what I'm telling you.
I saw this.
I didn't see this, but I saw if shit goes south, no one's ready.
No one's ready.
And this is not a good place to be because there's no resources here.
There's no food.
There's no real water.
The water's in the ocean or reservoirs, and they'll dry up.
They have to get the water from somewhere else.
It doesn't rain there.
It's not a good place to live.
bert kreischer
When the pandemic hit, I've always been a little bit of a conspiracy thinker and a little bit of a catastrophe thinker.
I always think of catastrophe.
joe rogan
What did you say?
bert kreischer
My tongue's not working right.
joe rogan
It's not working right.
You need to get drunker.
bert kreischer
I'll try.
joe rogan
You want another one?
bert kreischer
I'll just kill this one.
joe rogan
Bring that bitch over here.
bert kreischer
I got guns.
I got food.
joe rogan
How many guns do you get?
bert kreischer
I was told not to tell anyone.
joe rogan
Oh, why?
bert kreischer
Because I was telling everyone how many guns I had and where I kept them.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah, don't do that.
bert kreischer
I did that on my special.
Yeah, don't do that.
I got guns.
I went to tactical.
He taught me how to use them.
I can barely say his fucking name.
He taught me how to use them.
I felt competent.
joe rogan
Isn't it great going there?
bert kreischer
It's the best thing in the world.
And by the way, I've got to give a shout out to Taren, because when the pandemic hit, Reese's out.
Is there anything you need any help with?
joe rogan
Yeah, he's a good guy.
bert kreischer
Fucking solid dude.
joe rogan
He's a good guy.
bert kreischer
Really?
joe rogan
He's literally one of the best gun instructors in the world.
He taught Keanu Reeves how to shoot for John Wick, taught Halle Berry, teaches everybody.
How many different people went there?
Tons, tons of people.
bert kreischer
But I had guns and I also had, I stockpiled meat in our outdoor freezer.
joe rogan
Ah, that's a good move.
bert kreischer
And then I did your podcast and you were like, hey man, how are you on meat?
And I was like, I'm okay.
You're like, you want 10 pounds of elk?
And I was like, I'll take it.
And we've, and Leanne came up and apologized.
She was like, I didn't even think about it.
I always have a stack of cash to, we can roll with.
She's like, I thought you were crazy.
She was like, we got all this meat.
We got all this food.
We got guns.
I feel safe as fucking shit in this house.
And I was like, yeah, sometimes it's okay to have anxiety and just so you're ready for bad shit.
joe rogan
You just have to be prepared for the worst.
It doesn't mean that you have to think that everybody's evil.
It doesn't mean you can't be kind and friendly.
You could be all those things, but be ready.
But you also have to be charitable.
Like one of the biggest resources When shit goes south is other people.
People hoard, right?
They want to hoard, they want it all for themselves.
The problem with that is the same problem with, we all know certain people that when they become successful, they're very lonely.
Because they don't want anyone else to be successful.
They want it all about them.
Those people, they get real lonely.
Because they have no peers.
And so the only time they have friendships are these superficial friendships like they have to go to like red carpet events and weird events where there's other celebrities and they interact with those people in these real superficial ways and those are literally like some of their only social interactions with people.
So they don't have any real moments where they have, like, real friends where they could tell about their failures or their anxieties or their fears or their insecurities.
Like, shit that you and I can talk about easy.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
They don't have that.
They don't have these kind of friendships.
That's a terrible place to be.
And when the shit goes south, like, if there's any kind of a pandemic or anything, the best thing you can have is a good crew of humans that you can count on.
You can count on them.
They can count on you.
Where, you know...
If you have five people and they all know how to get food and maybe someone's got chickens or someone has a fucking well at their house, you can help each other.
You can help each other.
That's what a tribe's all about.
These motherfuckers that...
They're only thinking about themselves.
When it goes bad, it goes real bad for them.
And those are the ones that you're seeing on Twitter that are freaking the fuck out all the time and yelling at people about random shit and just shaming people and calling people out.
Like, for what?
What's helping with this?
You're not helping anything.
bert kreischer
It doesn't make any sense to me, the person that finds the joy in that.
joe rogan
It's no joy.
They just don't have any discipline or self-control or any sort of introspective understanding.
They don't have an understanding of how they interact with other people.
They're just doing it because they're scared.
And this pandemic brought so much of that out.
Because there's so many people out there that haven't experienced any sort of real adversity in their life.
You know they've had like...
Difficulties in their career and trying to get ahead but like real fucking hardcore adversity.
They've run away from that and they've sought comfort.
So whenever anything goes south, those people are the first ones to yell.
They're the first ones to try to find some enemy or try to find some scapegoat or some reason for why they're so scared or someone who's not following the rules or doing what they want you to do and wear two masks and all those motherfuckers.
bert kreischer
Oh, I got videotaped by some lady.
Like, right at the beginning of the pandemic, we're walking the dogs, me and the girls, and I just assumed if you're outside, you don't have to wear a mask.
joe rogan
You shouldn't.
You shouldn't have to wear a mask outside.
bert kreischer
But I had like a neck gait around my wrist, in case something happened, we got in contact with someone, and she's videotaping.
She's either videotaping or she's on a FaceTime call, or whatever.
But she's got her phone out, mask on.
And then lights up me and my daughters and our dogs, and she goes, and there's another one!
And I know the camera's on me.
I know this is how people get in trouble.
And I just yell out, you're a cunt!
And I just kept walking.
My daughters are like, they're like, Dad, you can't do that.
And I was like, I don't give a fuck.
Like, that's not...
And I know the mental health.
I mean, I know that I'm back in therapy because even for me, and I'm a pretty level-headed dude, this pandemic, it fucks with your head.
joe rogan
It fucks with your head.
bert kreischer
You don't go out in public for 17 months, and then all of a sudden, they're like, oh, just so you know, everything's up.
Go to the Denver airport.
And you're like, huh?
joe rogan
It doesn't just fuck with your head.
The problem is there's tears to this shit.
And the idea that this is over is nonsense.
This is not over.
This is just beginning.
This pandemic thing is just beginning.
We're gonna have to figure out a way to deal with this kind of stress in a better way.
Because I don't think this is going away.
And I think this is gonna get worse.
I really do.
bert kreischer
Is this our new normal then?
joe rogan
I think our new normal is similar to this, but it might be worse.
Legitimately.
bert kreischer
Oh, that's not what I want to hear.
joe rogan
Because the FDA backed off the boosters.
They say we're not going to have boosters.
But the FDA said that.
bert kreischer
For real?
joe rogan
Yeah, two people resigned because they didn't see any science in the boosters.
bert kreischer
I had my money on that Johnson& Johnson booster.
I was like...
joe rogan
Well, the Johnson& Johnson booster, when you do get it, within two months they said it's 94% effective against COVID. The problem is variants.
bert kreischer
Jesus.
joe rogan
Yeah.
bert kreischer
I would be...
I'm so...
Obviously, it's no one's fault that they don't know what to do.
Like, I remember the mask, no mask thing at the very beginning.
And they're like, masks aren't helpful.
Okay, masks are helpful.
I understand the whole, you gotta figure out what you're doing.
We're not gonna know until five years from now what we did right and what we did wrong.
But I'm just...
It bums me out.
Because, you know, I look at my daughters, and I know you probably look at your daughters, and my daughters spent junior and freshman year not in school.
joe rogan
Locked up.
bert kreischer
Locked up.
I look at my buddy's son, now going to school over at Emerson, his senior year of high school, it was in a house.
joe rogan
Yeah.
bert kreischer
And with his parents.
The worst.
And that's not good for a child's brain.
And look, my brain is already fucking broken.
I've done everything I can to it.
joe rogan
Dude, I think it's even worse for babies.
I think for little kids, it's the worst.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
For little two-year-olds and three-year-olds, like their whole life, they've worn masks.
It doesn't even make sense because to them- And they don't even think about it.
bert kreischer
They don't even think about it.
They just put them on and they just go.
joe rogan
Or they don't and then they get kicked off airplanes crying.
bert kreischer
What?
joe rogan
Yeah.
You haven't seen the videos of people getting kicked off airplanes because their two-year-old won't keep a mask on their face?
You haven't seen that?
bert kreischer
No.
joe rogan
Dude, it's the saddest shit of all time.
bert kreischer
My two-year-olds would have never put a mask on their face.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
They're crying, crying.
Because they can't fucking breathe right.
And it just feels uncomfortable.
And not only that, it doesn't make any sense.
Like, what we really need to do is figure out how to test.
And test quickly and safely.
There was a test that they were talking about.
And I don't know what ever came of this, but it was a saliva-based test that they were going to have where you just lick something and you would get a result within 30 seconds.
I remember someone telling me about this.
I can't remember who told me about this, but it was a person who understands and knows.
And I don't know if it wasn't effective, I don't know what the reason why we didn't get that, but that would have been the shit.
Like, so you get on a plane, everybody licks this fucking thing, you find out if you have it, and then everybody who has it, you get sent home, and everybody who doesn't have it gets on the plane.
Instead, what are we doing?
We're sitting right next to each other pretending that this little paper thing or a bandana is protecting you from the air that we're all breathing?
Who the fuck got kicked off a plane where they went into the cockpit and they filmed the pilot and the pilot didn't have a mask on?
Cody Garbrandt, that's right.
bert kreischer
Oh, I know.
Cody No Love?
joe rogan
Yeah, from the UFC. Yeah, Cody No Love, yeah.
Former Bantamweight Champion.
He went into the fucking cockpit.
It was because of his baby, too.
bert kreischer
It was the same deal.
I saw that.
I think he streamed it or I saw that on Instagram.
joe rogan
Yeah, he walked into the fucking cockpit and he filmed the pilots with no masks on.
He's like, we're all breathing the same air.
What the fuck is going on here?
This is so ridiculous.
bert kreischer
But I was under the impression, and I don't have kids that young anymore, but I was under the impression that there was like an age where you didn't have to wear a mask.
joe rogan
There should be.
But the problem is if that kid has COVID. The thing about COVID is if a three-year-old has COVID, it's not...
I shouldn't say it's not dangerous to them.
But statistically, it's not nearly as dangerous as the flu.
And we're not testing any kids for the flu.
We're letting kids on flights all the time that have the flu.
The problem is the flu is not nearly as deadly for older people.
I don't mean like old people.
I mean people like in their 30s and 40s, right?
The COVID, for whatever reason, is more dangerous when you're in your 40s and 50s and what have you than the flu is, statistically.
Not by a giant amount, but by a significant amount where you can measure it.
But for kids, it's not.
For kids, they could have it and they could spread it.
And they don't even get sick, for the most part.
Some kids do, especially kids with comorbidities, right?
But my kids both got COVID, and it was way less than any serious cold they've ever had.
Kids With COVID 00:06:09
bert kreischer
When did your kids get it early?
joe rogan
Yeah.
When my daughter was 12, she got it.
And she had a headache for a day.
And then my other daughter, this is my one that works out all the time, and she's very fit.
And then my other daughter, and she's not like she's not fit.
She had it, but she was younger, and she was sick for like two days.
But she didn't feel good.
She legitimately didn't feel good.
The other one was laughing when she found out she had COVID, because she got to stay home from school.
She thought it was funny.
She's wild, though.
She's a wild kid.
bert kreischer
You get one of those and then you get...
joe rogan
You know how they are.
You're a parent.
bert kreischer
I just spent time with Tom's fucking kids.
Are you kidding me?
Have you met Tom's kids?
joe rogan
No, he told me hilarious shit about his kid calling him Tom.
bert kreischer
Oh, yesterday, Joe, I come in, I get off the plane, get on the couch.
Tom takes a shit.
I play with his kids for a little bit.
And his oldest, Ellis, comes in.
Christina shows up.
Tom's there.
His oldest comes in.
He goes, hey, Bert, I got you a cup of water.
And I go, oh, thanks, buddy.
I was on a plane all day.
And Tom goes, hold on, hold on.
Ellis, where did you get that from?
And he goes, the sink.
And he goes, Ellis, you can't reach the sink.
Did you get that from the toilet?
And he goes, no.
And I go, did you just get a cup of water from the toilet?
And he goes, no.
Dead serious, no.
I go, take a sip of this water.
And he goes, no.
I go, sip my water before I get it.
And he goes, no.
I go, where did you get this water?
He goes, Tom knows he got it.
And this kid is straight fucking face.
And he goes, take a sip, Bert, take a sip.
And I go, no, I'm not taking a sip of your fucking water.
I go, you take a sip.
He goes, I'm not taking a sip, you take a sip.
And then Tom goes in and he goes, don't touch the water, it's from the fucking toilet!
There was a water trail from the toilet to the fucking couch!
And he goes, Alice, did you get that from the fucking toilet?
And he goes, I did.
unidentified
And he just walked out of the room.
bert kreischer
I looked at Tom, I was like, please take me to my room.
I'm gonna lock my fucking doors.
joe rogan
The kid just wanted to get you to drink toilet water!
bert kreischer
He goes, and from the fucking toilet!
But Joe, he played it like he was on Impractical Jokers.
I mean, it's like, strange things.
joe rogan
Well, I'm learning growing up with Tom and Christina.
bert kreischer
I can't.
joe rogan
Two top shelf comics as your parents.
bert kreischer
I walked in their house yesterday.
I walked in their house.
Ellis comes up.
Dad, you just call us fuckers.
And then I go, what?
Tom comes around the corner.
He goes, they painted the goddamn fucking walls.
They painted my fucking walls.
And I'm like, holy shit.
I'm like, I'm home, guys.
Uncle Bert's here.
I go, Ellis, you ever have gum?
And he goes, no.
And I go, ah.
And Tom goes, get the fucking gum away from him.
He's not allowed to have gum.
joe rogan
What's that kid gonna be like when he's 15?
bert kreischer
He is going to be fucking hilarious.
This kid, I had more fun with this kid.
Him and his youngest brother is the sweetest goddamn thing in the world.
This kid just pulls me aside, just wants to connect with you.
He's like, I'm gonna wash dishes before mommy gets home.
You wanna wash dishes?
And I'm like...
Yeah, let's wash dishes.
And then I say to them, I go, hey, did you guys ever meet the dog that lives underneath your sink?
And they're like, there's a dog under our sink?
I go, yeah, when you put food in there, there's a dog that your parents never showed you the dog?
And they go, no.
So I go, hey, hey, come here, buddy!
And I hit the garbage disposal.
And they're like, there's a dog under there?
And then Christina just comes over and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
We don't try to pet the dog.
Bert, what the fuck are you doing?
And I was like, huh?
She's like, you just taught him how to use a garbage disposal?
And they're going to put their hand down.
I was like, okay, my bad.
Send me to my room.
Send me to my room.
Yeah.
It's been fun staying with Tommy.
I'm going to enjoy this entire fucking month.
joe rogan
I'm sure.
bert kreischer
I'm here every fucking Monday, Tuesday, every fucking...
joe rogan
Him having kids, him and Christina having kids, is really like a science project.
Like, what is it like with parents who love fucking with each other and fucking with everybody else and laughing about anything, including people getting badly injured?
Like, what is it like growing up with them?
bert kreischer
Dude.
joe rogan
And meanwhile, they both fall and break their legs.
Both of them.
bert kreischer
There's a part...
joe rogan
Same time!
They both have broken legs in the house at the same time.
Like, one recovers, the other one breaks their leg.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
There's a thing I won't talk about.
It's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my goddamn life.
joe rogan
Why can't you talk about it?
bert kreischer
Because it's his.
I want him to use it as a bit.
I told him last time.
Sometimes when you're with...
Sometimes, and he did this for me with my girls, he's like, this is funny as shit.
But you're so in the weeds with your kids that you're like, huh?
joe rogan
Right, you can't see it.
bert kreischer
And so he takes me downstairs and shows me his kids' room.
And I go, are you fucking kidding?
And he goes, what?
I go, this is the thing?
And he goes, huh?
I go, is this a bit?
And he goes, no.
It's not funny at all.
We can't.
And I go, Tom, it's gotta be a bit.
It's gotta be a bit.
And he goes, oh yeah, that is pretty funny.
But it's like that's the way things work when you have kids.
joe rogan
Does he have to do with smearing shit on the walls or anything?
bert kreischer
No.
No, it's just good.
It's just good.
And he'll figure it out on stage, and then everyone will go, oh, that's the thing Burt was...
It's just funny watching two guys who I knew when they were broke.
I mean, piss broke.
joe rogan
Well, she's a girl, so you rude fuck.
bert kreischer
Whatever.
joe rogan
You misgendered her.
bert kreischer
How dare you?
Two guys.
Two people.
joe rogan
Humans.
bert kreischer
Two human beings that I've loved for a very long time who used to come to me when they were so broke, they would come to my house to eat because they didn't have money.
And I was headlining for like $2,000 a week, maybe hitting bonuses.
And they'd come over all the time and eat.
And they knew my kids intimately.
They knew my kids very, very, very well.
Uncle Buns and Push.
And they knew my family intimately.
And I said to Leanne, I was like, hey, I'm flying down to Austin every week in October.
And I said, you gotta come down.
You gotta meet these fucking kids.
And I was like, they know our kids so well.
So well.
I mean, my daughters still call them buns.
And I go, you gotta meet his kids.
It's like, it sucks that he's down here and that we won't be a part of his family the way we were.
I mean, because when Tommy fell and hurt himself, It was like, it was a no-brainer.
I called Leanne, I said, hey, they need us.
And we just went, and we went to his house that night, stayed until like one in the morning after the fall.
Dude, You Were On Episode 10 00:15:30
joe rogan
I can't believe he slept on the couch with a broken arm after leaving one hospital and going to another one.
I mean, that's crazy.
bert kreischer
I don't think he was, and I say this, and obviously Tom can say whatever he wants to say, but I don't think he was in his right state of mind.
He couldn't be.
I think he was a little out of it.
joe rogan
Just from the trauma, the shock.
bert kreischer
Yeah, that affected me pretty deeply, that whole thing.
Because, you know...
joe rogan
Because you moved his arm.
You probably fucked him up.
bert kreischer
Listen, I fucking saved his goddamn life.
joe rogan
You might have.
bert kreischer
I might have.
joe rogan
You might have fucked his arm up, too.
bert kreischer
I might not have, or I might have.
joe rogan
Might have.
It's hard to tell.
bert kreischer
It's hard to tell, but, you know, doctors are doing everything they can do.
Listen, I love him to death.
And I had surgery on my arm, too.
If there's karma, I got the fucking surgery, too.
joe rogan
Well, you had a minor surgery in comparison.
bert kreischer
Oh, I had a very major surgery compared to what Tom had.
joe rogan
You were on stage with like a robot arm on.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
Tom had, what, a seven-hour surgery?
joe rogan
Yeah.
bert kreischer
Mine was 30 minutes.
joe rogan
What did they do?
Just reattach your tricep tendon?
bert kreischer
Yeah, reattach my tricep tendon.
joe rogan
But it didn't all tear, right?
Part of it was still attached?
bert kreischer
59% tore.
joe rogan
So you could have just let it go if you didn't want to flex your triceps.
bert kreischer
Oh, come on, bro.
joe rogan
You didn't want to show everybody.
bert kreischer
I'm in...
joe rogan
Do dips?
bert kreischer
I was in physically the best shape I'd ever been in when I shot that movie.
Benching 235. Wow.
For me, that's a lot.
I was throwing up clean...
Shout out to Bert Soren, and shout out to you, obviously, and everyone at On It.
All the guys at On It helped hook me up with weights, and Bert hooked me up with a fucking rack.
joe rogan
Yeah, he's awesome.
He really is awesome.
bert kreischer
And you hooked me up with Bert.
And so, all that, and I was loving it, and then I got hurt.
joe rogan
Remember that time we all bench pressed drunk as fuck at my studio?
bert kreischer
Yeah, I tell people about that and they don't believe it.
I go, you know, we all tried to do 220, 225 is the two plates.
That's like a man's bench.
If you're listening to this for political reasons and you've never bench pressed, then you need to know that two plates, clink clink, is a man's bench.
If you do that, then you're a man.
And so me, Tom and Ari, it was right after Sober October ended.
joe rogan
We were hammered.
bert kreischer
And we were like, let's see if I can always throw up 225. In my head, I can.
And I got pinned hard.
Ari got under, got pinned worse than any of us.
Tom got it off his chest and was trembling, but Tom lifts weights, but he had a hard time.
And then you go in and you throw up a pro football combine record of like 15, 17, 18. I remember telling someone that and they're like, Joe Rogan punches 220. I go, Joe Rogan works out for...
I remember all of us are like, all right, Joe, come on, let's go to dinner, man.
What the fuck are you doing?
And you just...
I don't know, man.
unidentified
Fuck it.
bert kreischer
And then you get to dinner and you're like, I think I hurt myself.
joe rogan
I was like, something feels wrong in my peck.
But I was so drunk.
You know, when you're drunk and you're lifting weights, you ignore, like, twinges.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know?
I was like, let's see how many reps we can get out of this.
I really think I only got to 13. I think I got to 13 and I stopped.
bert kreischer
It was...
Well, that was a little bit...
joe rogan
There was something where I was like, this is probably...
bert kreischer
I think you put it up at 15 and you were like, alright, I'm not going to do it anymore.
And we were all like, come on, 20 is like what a linebacker does.
Come on, Joe.
joe rogan
Benching is a way a lot of guys hurt their shoulders.
I was just talking to my buddy Cam Haynes.
He fucked his shoulder up benching too.
Whenever someone fucks their shoulder up, I go, were you benching?
There's something about benching.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know what about that motion, but a lot of people tend to fuck their shoulders up doing that.
I don't bench anymore.
That's the crazy thing is then, I don't bench.
I didn't bench then.
bert kreischer
Really?
joe rogan
No.
I don't bench.
When I did that, when I banged out all those 225s, I don't bench.
I don't bench at all.
bert kreischer
So what do you do in a workout?
unidentified
Kettlebells.
bert kreischer
Everything's kettlebells.
joe rogan
Everything's kettlebells.
That's all I do.
bert kreischer
Dude, the video...
I don't even know what...
I barely remember things I've seen of Cam Haynes working out with David Goggins.
David Goggins is yelling, get him in the boat!
joe rogan
Who's gonna carry the boat?!
bert kreischer
Who's gonna carry the boats?!
Yeah.
joe rogan
Well, you know what Cam told me?
Cam goes, what's crazy about Goggins is, as he gets tired, he gets more crazy, and then he pushes harder.
He goes, right when you think he's gonna be done, he starts yelling.
They don't know me, son!
They don't know me, son!
And he gets like an extra gear.
And he goes further.
bert kreischer
That's a group of people I wish I had never.
unidentified
Yeah, there it is.
bert kreischer
Look at this.
joe rogan
Give me some volume on this.
bert kreischer
David Coggins.
unidentified
Yo, nobody works like David in this house!
13, come on!
bert kreischer
14, come on!
unidentified
15, shut that muscle down!
16, come on!
Get it!
17!
They don't know me, son!
18!
They don't know me, son!
19!
bert kreischer
They don't know me, son!
unidentified
20, you got some more!
21!
joe rogan
It's mental, I'm telling you.
His mind is bulletproof.
unidentified
Look at his eyes.
joe rogan
Look at his eyes.
unidentified
It's just like he reaches in...
joe rogan
He reaches into his brain and he hits a switch and juice comes out, you know?
Like psycho juice comes out.
bert kreischer
Dude, let me tell you something.
I had that fucking voice in my head at times.
Usually I'm drunk on a plane.
joe rogan
You should.
bert kreischer
Who's going to carry the boats?
David Goggins, if you make a shirt that says, who's going to carry the boats, I will buy it.
joe rogan
He probably has one.
I was going to wear his sweatshirt today, but I walked outside and it was too warm.
I was going to wear it on the podcast today.
He's got David Goggins gear.
It's like a battle axe.
It's like the D and the G, they form a battle axe on his shirt.
bert kreischer
Here's the thing that I'm obsessed with these days.
Like, look, you know I don't really follow MMA or UFC. I might watch it every now and then, but I don't know the things that you know.
But I know enough that, like, I hear you say shit like, oh, Brian Ortega's got sick jiu-jitsu, but it's a fundamental jiu-jitsu.
And some people shit on fundamental jiu-jitsu, but what you really need to know is that stuff is jiu-jitsu.
Like, I listen to you say that, and then I repeat it, right?
Right.
And I don't know anything about hunting or Cam Haynes or David Goggins, but I'm fans of those motherfuckers, right?
Like, I'm a fan.
Right.
Jocko.
I don't think Jocko and I could last 15 minutes in a room and see eye to eye on anything.
joe rogan
Of course you would.
bert kreischer
He would look at me and be like, this fucking sad saga shit.
unidentified
No, no, no, no.
joe rogan
He wouldn't.
I'm telling you.
bert kreischer
But I'm a fan of that guy.
Listen to his audio book.
joe rogan
He wouldn't do that.
He's misunderstood.
bert kreischer
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jocko's a leader.
Like, a real leader.
Like, if Jocko was running for president, I would 100% endorse him.
bert kreischer
By the way, me too.
joe rogan
He's a leader, and what I mean by a leader is he's not a judgmental person.
He's not a person who looks down on people.
He endorses strength, and he endorses an honest approach to your life, and he endorses leadership.
bert kreischer
I think that's where we'd lose...
I think he'd look at me and be like, this guy talks a lot of shit and doesn't follow it through.
joe rogan
But I'm telling you, he's not a judgmental person.
That's not how he is.
He just embodies leadership.
And either you get inspiration from the way he lives his life, or you don't.
But he doesn't give a fuck.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
He's not like a guy that's like, look at you.
Get your shit together.
Look at you with your sad life shit in your pants when you fart.
You fucking loser.
He's not that guy.
He's not that guy.
He's just a guy like, cool, roger that.
He's a badass dude.
He's as badass as any human being that's ever walked the face of the earth.
unidentified
Jiu-jitsu, surfer, fucking dad.
joe rogan
He's that guy.
Intimate.
I don't mean it that way, Jago.
I mean intimate.
You get to know him well.
He's as solid a human being as has ever walked the face of the earth.
bert kreischer
I love that guy to death.
joe rogan
I just spent hunting camp with him.
bert kreischer
Is that who you are?
joe rogan
I was just with him in Utah.
And Cam Haynes.
bert kreischer
See, that's what I find really fascinating is when I see people, like you said, shitting on people online, trolling people, and talking shit, waiting for them to slip up to fuck with them.
I go, don't you have anyone in your life that you're not like, But you love, like, David Goggins, Cam Haynes, Jocko, fucking Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz, fucking Robbie Lawler, all these dudes, I don't know anything about them.
Like, I met a fucking Cowboys Roni.
Like, these guys, I'm a fan of them.
I follow them on Instagram, they post shit, and it makes me smile.
joe rogan
Yeah, those guys take life and they wring that bitch out until it's like a dry sponge.
bert kreischer
Dude, and I... I draw energy from that.
Celebrating people that I'm not...
The other day, I was just allowed to start running again, right?
And I haven't been able to run since the surgery, the movement for your tricep.
I got on my treadmill, and I was walking at an incline.
This is what I was doing.
I was like, all right, I'm going to push it.
I'm going to push it a little bit.
So I go, my litmus for health is a seven-minute mile.
If I can run a seven-minute mile, I'm good, right?
So I do my first mile, and I do it at like 13.20.
It's like a 4.5.
It's not that fast.
But I'm like, I haven't really run in a while.
And then I do my next mile.
I'm like, let's see if I can do a 10-minute mile.
Like a 10-minute mile is pretty rough for the average health.
So I do a 10-minute mile.
I'm three miles in.
Incline, slow run, 10-minute mile.
And then I go, all right, let's fucking push it.
And I start hearing these motherf...
Who's going to carry the boats?
Man, and you know me well enough to know, like...
I'm not created like David Calkins, but you hear that in your fucking head.
joe rogan
It's fuel.
bert kreischer
It's fuel!
And then I hear my fucking physical therapist going, just, you know, ruptured Achilles is a game changer.
And I'm like, maybe I should slow down.
joe rogan
Why, do you have a bad Achilles?
bert kreischer
No, no, I don't.
No, I don't.
But I just start hearing that after an injury.
Everything you hear is like, blown out patella is a game changer.
Ruptured femur is a game changer.
joe rogan
Yeah, they're all game changers.
Yeah.
But Achilles is supposed to be a rough one.
bert kreischer
That's probably the biggest gift I've gotten from this podcast is those dudes.
joe rogan
Me too, I think.
bert kreischer
You're very, you know, especially being around as early as I got to be on this podcast, to see the growth this podcast has had and the people that you've surrounded yourself with and brought in, it's like really cool to be a part of this community and know that those guys are like, like Cam Haines will, I don't know if this is real or not, sometimes I just drink and talk.
Like, he'll text, DM me or something, you know?
joe rogan
Oh, it's 100% real.
bert kreischer
Like, I'll say something.
I don't remember if he knows who I am, but, like, I'll say something.
joe rogan
He knows who you are.
bert kreischer
We've talked about you.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, he talked about me running a marathon.
joe rogan
Yeah, why would you say you don't know what's real?
bert kreischer
I don't fucking remember what's real anymore.
Joe, I've told so many goddamn stories.
joe rogan
You've pickled your brain!
bert kreischer
I told a story to my kids the other day, and my wife goes, I think that was Police Academy 3. I was like, what?
I was like, oh, yeah, we didn't all rent jet boats.
You're right.
joe rogan
Fuck.
bert kreischer
But yeah, like it's been cool as shit, you know?
Especially, you know, I was thinking about this the other day.
I'm sitting in the hot tub.
joe rogan
Dude, you were on like episode 10 or some shit.
Like what episode of the podcast were you on, the first one?
bert kreischer
Well, I was a fan.
I was a huge fan of the podcast first.
joe rogan
Tommy was on, like, episode three.
bert kreischer
That's how I found the podcast.
Isla saw Uncle Tommy, Uncle Buns on the podcast, clicked on it, and there were snowflakes coming down on your faces.
joe rogan
Oh.
bert kreischer
And she's sitting on my computer watching JRE 3. Oh, my God.
And I go, what are you doing?
She's like, Uncle Buns.
And I was like, oh shit.
I was like, what is this?
And it was you guys answering questions.
joe rogan
That's hilarious.
That's how we used to do it.
We used to answer questions off the little chat on Ustream.
Yeah, Tommy was like, he left and he talked to Redband.
He's like, what the fuck is he doing?
Like, why is he doing that in Redband?
I was like, I don't know.
Like, they all thought it was a waste of time!
bert kreischer
Dude, by the way, not even like...
joe rogan
Look at that!
Episode 73. Number 73, Bert Kreischer.
So you were probably like, at this time, it was probably like a year in.
bert kreischer
This was...
joe rogan
Because I don't think we were doing more than one a week back then.
bert kreischer
If I had known how much this one event would change my life...
Right?
This one event.
Tom and I talk about paths a lot.
I don't want to put words in other people's mouths.
I talk about paths.
Tom and I talked about last night.
About certain paths you get on.
You don't know you get on those.
And I say to him, you know, Meeting Joe changed my life because I would never have...
I said this last night.
I would have never told the machine gun story on stage.
Never told it on stage.
I told it before.
I told it to you and you're like, that needs to be a stage story.
And I was like, it's not.
And I'd heard people say that before.
And you were like, no, that needs to be told on stage.
And I was like, I'm not going to tell it.
Had you not insisted and said to all the people listening...
This needs to be a stage where when he gets on stage, this man's only to be known as the machine from this point on.
And you chant it at his shows.
And I was like, what the fuck are you doing?
And to think that that one story I have milked like a closeted dairy farmer from the 1940s.
joe rogan
Dude, you just got done doing a major motion picture starring you.
The machine.
bert kreischer
From a story I told on this podcast.
joe rogan
Isn't that wild?
bert kreischer
Dude.
joe rogan
It's wild, right?
bert kreischer
Oh, it was so fucking surreal to think.
I had this event happen.
You want to know something really fucking crazy?
I got a phone call from my teacher the other day.
The teacher that got me into the Russian class that greenlit all those things.
She called me and she was like, you made a fucking...
I told her, she goes, you have a career off of this one fucking story?
joe rogan
That's exaggerating.
You have a career, period.
bert kreischer
Just to have a career is enough in this business.
joe rogan
The one story is just like a couple of cylinders on your engine.
bert kreischer
I'll tell you, man, I think about that all the time.
I tell Tommy, Charlie Murphy had wanted to go to dinner with Tom that night.
And he was walking with Charlie Murphy.
You guys were all doing that real men comedy tour.
And you stopped Tom and you said, hey man, you're really funny.
And Tom was like, in his head, he's like, I gotta leave.
But he ended up talking to you.
That one moment changed all of our lives.
Like mine and Tom's, at least.
It's because you guys became really close, started touring together, started doing the thing.
I hit up Tom.
I was like, you know, man, that podcast is awesome.
He's like, well, I'm friends with Joe.
And next thing you know, you hit me up, you're like, you should do the podcast.
Tell the machine story.
Next thing you know, I'm in Serbia, starring in a major motion picture on a story I told on a fucking podcast.
joe rogan
Dude, the life is awesome.
bert kreischer
Cheers, my brother.
I'm like, I'm so fucking grateful.
joe rogan
Me too.
I'm so grateful for friends like you guys.
Without friends like you guys, this is all boring.
It's gotta be fun.
bert kreischer
It's so much fun.
joe rogan
It's gotta be fun.
You gotta bring people along with you, and you're doing that too.
And Tom's doing that too.
Everybody's doing that.
That's the beautiful thing.
Everybody's doing the same thing.
Everybody's bringing people along with them and helping other people.
Sickler and all these other funny guys.
bert kreischer
Sickler's podcast is fucking amazing.
Sickler's podcast is probably the best interviews I've ever heard.
joe rogan
He's a great guy, man.
bert kreischer
He's a great guy.
joe rogan
He's a great guy.
And Sickler, it comes through.
Like, what you see on the podcast, you see when you're hanging out with that dude.
He's just a genuine sweetheart of a person.
Rodney's Escape Plan 00:09:23
joe rogan
And we're all surrounded by people like that.
bert kreischer
And it's so different than when...
We were talking about this today, and me and you kind of talked about it a little bit.
Back in the day when we started this business, there was such cattiness.
Such like, I'm going to go up in front of that guy, I'm going to blow him off stage.
And now to sit here and think, you know, people that I met, like guys like Ari have introduced you to like Shane Gillis or Mark Normand and Chris DiStefano, Giannis Pappas, and all these great fucking dudes that are all blowing up huge right now.
Come on my podcast, on Tom's podcast, your podcast.
And it's just such a shared experience.
And that was not how this started.
joe rogan
No, the business is, well, you know, I don't know why.
I mean, I know why.
The business used to be everyone was competing for us a small number of spots Like if you wanted to do young comedian special there was only five comedians or whatever it is You know HBO if you want to get an HBO special like you kind of had to be somebody and You know either you had to be on one of those Rodney specials or you had to be on something else like someone had to Get you into something and Rodney was a giant influence of me because he Found comics that he loved and he boosted them up and he helped them out and I always said I wanted
to do a Rodney type special with comics that I know that are really funny That aren't getting the love you know and do something like that whether I'd be willing to do that right now Whether it's on Netflix or Amazon or even maybe I'll put it together myself and do it on YouTube but that kind of thing is like I always remember thinking, like, how cool is Rodney Dangerfield?
That he let the world know about Bill Hicks and Dom Herrera and Sam Kinison and Lenny Clark and all these comics that I deeply admire.
And, you know, I just always felt like that's the guy I want to be.
I want to be the guy that, like, helps other comics and boosts them up.
But everybody was, like, competing for this small number of spots.
And the thing that happened with me...
Was I got insanely lucky.
I got insanely lucky.
Like, I mean, I did good on stage and everything, but there was people that were better than me.
I got lucky.
I got on MTV like fucking five years in a comedy or four years in a comedy.
It wasn't that long.
And then I got a deal and then all of a sudden I was on a sitcom.
So, I didn't have to work that hard.
Like, in a weird way.
I did road gigs, and I bombed, and I did colleges, and I traveled the country like everybody else, but it wasn't that long.
I was on TV six years in a comedy.
I was on news radio with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and Andy Dick and Maura Tierney and Vicki Lewis and Candy Alexander.
It was wild!
And Steven Root, who's like one of the greatest actors of all time.
It was madness!
unidentified
Like, the idea that I was that lucky to be in this spot, You got like a master's degree in comedy.
bert kreischer
And you got a master's degree in all...
That was like...
joe rogan
Right, but here's the important thing.
I didn't feel desperate, like a lot of comics do, where their career's not going anywhere.
Like they're 10 years in, they're 15 years in, they're not going anywhere.
I was comfortable.
So I started helping people.
So I found guys like Joey Diaz or Duncan or Ari.
I was taking them on the road with me.
I'm like, let's go have fun together.
So it's like I got lucky that I had this position where I didn't have years of bitterness.
You know what I mean?
bert kreischer
I think that bitterness starts eating you up, and then you start...
It turns into, for lack of better words, like a cancer.
unidentified
Yes.
bert kreischer
And you can't see past it.
joe rogan
Exactly.
That's what you focus on, and then it makes more of it.
bert kreischer
And I gotta be very honest, is that I think I was in a very unique situation in that...
It was a good stand-up.
I got on Travel Channel for eight, nine years, whatever it was.
And then I was doing this podcast with you.
I would hop on the podcast and I did my podcast and And I started my podcast, and I'd do Joey's and Ari's, but at the same time, I had also failed as a comic.
You know, like I had kind of let comedy fall into the side.
joe rogan
You didn't fail, you just weren't paying attention to it.
You were doing the other stuff, because the other stuff was paying the bills, and you had a family.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, it's not, you can't, like, shit on yourself for it.
But I remember there was a moment where I called you, And you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam.
Yeah.
I'm like, what are you doing, man?
And you're like, I'm on a fucking motorcycle!
I'm in Vietnam!
I'm driving around!
bert kreischer
I'm running through rice paddies!
joe rogan
And I was like, well, that's pretty wild.
That's fun.
But I remember telling you, dude, you're a really, really fucking funny guy.
And I go, you would be a great stand-up comic.
You'd be like a really, truly great stand-up comic.
But you've got to concentrate on it.
You've got to bank on yourself.
This Travel Channel shit.
Because I remember they were like...
Sort of restricting the way you talked.
bert kreischer
I couldn't smoke weed on this podcast.
joe rogan
Yes, you couldn't smoke weed.
You used to hide it.
unidentified
I used to hide it.
joe rogan
When Red Band used to work the cameras, he would turn the camera away from you and you would take a hit of weed.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
We had to coordinate it.
bert kreischer
I was careful about things I said about the occult.
There were certain things you couldn't say.
joe rogan
Is this you in Vietnam?
bert kreischer
This is me in a fucking race boat.
That's TT right there.
That's my fixer, TT. Were you in Vietnam here?
I was in Vietnam, yeah.
It was terrifying.
unidentified
But the thing is, I feel like I had...
joe rogan
It was like there was a light went off.
I was like, I gotta tell him to stop doing this.
bert kreischer
Well, you and Bill Burr, who I love...
joe rogan
I love as well.
bert kreischer
I'm saying this because it's going to sound like you guys are being shitty to me, but you weren't.
I walked in the back of the comedy store one time and you guys were both talking about it and you said, hey man, I remember I said something and both of you guys were like, hey man, your Travel Channel show sucks.
We love you.
You're just a better comic.
And you gotta focus on podcasting and focus on your stand-up.
joe rogan
I felt you were gonna become like one of those guys.
Well, and also I knew from my own personal experience, right?
Like I hosted Fear Factor for six years.
I know what that feels like to be stuck in this gig that's doing really well.
I say stuck in this gig.
That's a terrible thing to say because it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, Fear Factor.
Because it gave me fuck you money.
And fuck you money gave me this thing where I could be like, okay, I can relax.
I like nice things, but I don't need them.
You know what I need?
I need food and shelter.
And I have that now, literally for the rest of my life.
I just put some money away, and then I'm like, now I just want to live the way I want to live.
I want to do what I want to do.
And so when I saw you doing that Travel Channel shit, I was like, Burt Kreischer is too funny for this.
You're too funny to be constricted.
You're funny when you're wild.
You're funny when you get off stage, you take your fucking shirt off and you're hammered and you're free.
You can't be restricted and also be free.
It's literally not possible.
So you could live a tortured life where you make a good living, but you're not doing what you could have done.
And then all of a sudden one day you're 60. And you're looking back on your life and you're like, shit.
That could happen.
It could happen to any one of us.
It could happen to me.
It could happen to anyone, man.
You get stuck.
And sometimes you can't do anything about being stuck and you just gotta do what you gotta do in the moment and make a plan and bide your time and figure out a way to do what you're truly passionate about.
But people have obligations.
They have families.
They have bills.
They have people to take care of that they love.
I understand that.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
But I knew that for you, There was a way out.
And the way out was podcasting and stand-up.
And I knew that.
I knew that.
And I remember talking to you on the phone that day.
And I remember saying, I gotta say this.
I have to say this.
He's gotta get out.
You gotta get out.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
And I knew they were fucking with you.
And I knew they were fucking.
I was friends at Bourdain, right?
So he was getting fucked with, too.
You know, they have very strict standards.
You know, that's their own business.
That's what they want.
They have a sort of a niche that they cater to, and they wanted people to fill that niche.
And anybody that stepped out of line, and anybody that was controversial, they didn't want anything to do with that.
And they wanted to restrict you, and they wanted to put you in this box.
But I knew you as this wild motherfucker that told that Tracy Morgan story.
I'm like, this is my friend who's this wild motherfucker, and they're turning him into a G movie.
bert kreischer
You know, you're not a G, you're an R. And I'm like, this R is getting wasted on a G. I remember telling them, I said, they were like, what do you want to do with the rest of your, you know, for Travel Channel next?
And I said, I would love to do, you know, what Anthony Bourdain does.
I think I'm talented.
And they were like, and they just cut me off.
They're like, you, sir, are no Anthony Bourdain.
Good Time Slot 00:03:43
bert kreischer
And I felt like saying, like, the way you said that, I think that would even offend Anthony Bourdain.
joe rogan
Yeah.
bert kreischer
Like, I think Anthony would be bothered by that.
And I felt like going, everyone's, you gotta let everyone take their shot.
And then, luckily, I got fired.
And thank God.
And I know...
What's interesting is that, you know, when I got that award and I got on stage, my daughters were there, and they were like, you know, they give you the award and then they say, you gotta say a list of thank yous.
And I go through all my thank yous and they're all very heartfelt, sincere.
Everyone on my team, from top to bottom, UTA and EverLevity, all of them, I love them.
They've done everything for me.
But I got to a moment where I said, you know, I think I got very fucking lucky and I surrounded myself by comics that were way better than me.
And I named you guys.
I named all of you guys.
Tom, Joey, Burr, you, Ari, Dunk.
All these guys were just...
And there's a much bigger list.
I know I'm leaving people off, but like, I go, they were brutally honest with me, and they were my friends.
And that didn't happen 10 years ago.
No, 10 years ago, they'd go, quit that Travel Channel show, and it would mean, because it's good, and we don't want the competition.
You guys were saying it like, hey man, you got more talent than this.
joe rogan
Yeah, there's a certain bitterness that a lot of comics had, and I really think that it was...
I remember one time we were on the set of news radio, and we're on fucking TV, man.
I mean, we're living the dream.
We're on TV. And they were complaining about a show that was on another network, or that was on another time slot.
It was a really good time slot.
And we weren't on a good time slot.
We moved eight or nine times during the five years that we're on TV. And this is pre-internet, right?
So no one knew where the fuck you were.
You couldn't tweet, hey, everybody, tune in.
If Dave Foley had a million Twitter followers and he said, hey, we move to Sunday night at 8 o'clock, they'd be fine.
Because everybody would go, okay, news radio is Sunday night now.
And everybody would watch it.
This was 1990, whatever the fuck it was.
And you couldn't do that.
So we would move and no one would know.
And our ratings were terrible.
And they were all bitching that this show was on this and that show's on this and they got great shots.
And I was like, hey guys, last time I checked, we're on TV. We have a fucking sitcom.
How many people have sitcoms?
I'm like, we're living the fucking dream.
We're so lucky.
They didn't want to hear it.
Their thought was, no, we could be Sex and the City.
You know, we could be The Single Guy or whatever the fuck it was.
There was like these shows that, you know...
bert kreischer
It's crazy what you think your high could be.
Like, mine would have been like, I mean, honestly, my high would have been be on Travel Channel for the rest of your life, sign a big deal.
And then I look back and I go, I'm so glad that I got fired.
And you think, going back to this Paths thing, You think that you're on the right path.
I was thinking this because, you know, my injury happened because I burned my leg really bad with ice.
I used to run the same loop, four-mile loop, every morning in Serbia before the movie.
And one day I felt bloated.
I'd been partying all night, and I was like, I'm going to run six miles today.
I'm going to run up to the U.S. Embassy and then run back.
And I hurt my leg.
I fucking pulled something to my calf, put ice on it, got second-degree burns on my leg from the ice because I put it directly on the skin.
Injured Path Choices 00:15:29
bert kreischer
And then because of that, the next day we're in the woods, I do my fall and I hurt my arm because I'm focused on my leg.
And I start thinking, I literally think I went on the wrong path.
I went the wrong direction.
And then my wife says, I don't know, maybe if you hadn't injured your arm, you wouldn't have done that promo video of you going under anesthesia, calling out Red Rocks for your surgery.
Maybe you wouldn't have sold the tickets.
And then you start going, oh, fuck.
And Tom goes, I think of this every fucking day.
Had I not injured myself, maybe I'd be a different person.
Maybe I wouldn't be as empathetic.
And then I think about Amanda Knox.
And we were just talking about this.
She spends four years in prison.
Possibly, and I listen to a lot of your episodes, possibly the most eloquent, well-spoken, interesting human beings I've ever heard on this show.
And you go, I hate to say this this way, but...
Did you need your path to get you to be this great person you are today?
Are these paths that you go through, the bad shit you go through, is that what you need to have to turn you into the person that you're gonna be?
Is every path the right path?
joe rogan
But it's an incredible challenge, and sometimes incredible challenges break people.
So it's like, why does it break some people, and why does it turn some people into an Amanda Knox, who's one of the most intelligent people I've ever talked to, and the most empathetic, non-judgmental, even to the guy who was the prosecutor, who was essentially trying to frame her for something she absolutely didn't commit.
If you look at the evidence, there's no fucking way that guy rationally, if he was given a set of circumstances, if he was given all the evidence that they knew eventually, in the beginning, There's no way he would have thought that Amanda Knox was guilty.
He decided early on that she was guilty and then was trying to confirm his initial suspicions.
So he was confirmation bias and he was essentially framing an innocent girl who was 20 years old.
And this is a guy with daughters.
bert kreischer
In a different country.
joe rogan
In a different country that also has very sensational journalism.
I mean, they have, like, tabloid journalism is very prominent there, and it was a big deal.
bert kreischer
Paparazzi's from there.
joe rogan
Yeah, exactly.
She brought that up.
bert kreischer
I know.
I'm just repeating her.
joe rogan
Yeah, they were calling her Foxy Noxy and...
You know, they were trying to pretend that she was this evil Satanist, and she was a fucking kid, man.
She was a 20-year-old kid.
She didn't know.
I mean, think about who you were when you were 20. You're a knucklehead.
You know, you don't know anything.
And all of a sudden, she's in fucking Italy for the first time, and this guy breaks into the house that she was living in when she wasn't there and kills her roommate.
And they concocted some crazy fake story.
Meanwhile, this girl does four years in jail.
The whole thing, the ordeal takes like eight years until she's completely exonerated.
And then after she's completely exonerated, she's one of the most fascinating, interesting people I've ever talked to because of the ordeal and because she came out of the other side like...
She's tempered.
She's like a fucking samurai sword, where you'd taken that sword and put it in the flames and hammered it over and over and folded it and put it through all this stress, dunked it in water and hammered it.
She's a fascinating, amazing human being.
And you know who told me about her is Whitney.
bert kreischer
Oh yeah, she was on Whitney's podcast.
Yeah, I saw that.
joe rogan
I didn't even watch it because I didn't want to because I don't want to be influenced by it.
But I listen to Whitney because she's one of the smartest people I know.
Whitney's a fascinating human being herself.
And when she tells you that someone's brilliant and amazing and kind and thoughtful, and you're like, really?
I go, do you think she did it?
And she's like, I don't think she did it.
This is the first thing I ask.
Do you think she did it?
We're just talking, right?
And she goes, no, you should really have her on your podcast.
And she doesn't say that about it.
Anybody.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
I mean, maybe she said that about like two other...
I've known her forever.
She said that about like two people ever.
bert kreischer
By the way, there's like nine people I want from Whitney's podcast on your podcast.
joe rogan
Tell me.
bert kreischer
Starting with Dave Grohl.
joe rogan
Oh, I'd have him on.
bert kreischer
Dave Grohl's...
Dave Grohl looks like...
You know, like I was just told...
Someone just told me spirit animal is a very offensive term.
joe rogan
What?
bert kreischer
To say like, oh, Jamie, you're my spirit animal.
To who?
Native Americans, I guess.
joe rogan
Which name of Americans?
bert kreischer
I don't know.
joe rogan
Which ones?
bert kreischer
I don't know.
But Dave Grohl is my fucking spirit.
joe rogan
Who told you it was offensive?
bert kreischer
Some fucking woke dude.
I said spirit animal and the next thing you know, shit fucking went sideways.
joe rogan
Someone actually said that to you?
In person?
Where's this person live?
bert kreischer
Burbank.
Is he a comic?
No, he's not.
joe rogan
What does he do for a living?
Tell me what he does.
bert kreischer
Nothing.
He does nothing.
joe rogan
Where is he?
bert kreischer
He does nothing.
joe rogan
Let's find him.
bert kreischer
We can call him.
unidentified
Saying spirit animal is incredibly offensive.
bert kreischer
He told me that the other day and I was like, oh shit, I've been saying that a lot.
But Dave Grohl's a fucking badass.
Dude, that guy...
He's been on Whitney's podcast.
Whitney's got a great fucking podcast.
She really does.
And I love that she went full hog in it and was like, I'm going hard.
I'm taking the big names.
I'm bringing in...
She has great guests.
joe rogan
It's allowed people to see who she really is.
It's like for a while, Whitney was like Whitney from the sitcom, so she was trapped in this weird sitcom world, and she's this beautiful girl.
But the beautiful...
The fact that she's beautiful is really just...
It's just incidental.
She just happens to be beautiful.
What she really is is this fascinating person who's had a really fucking troubled life.
Difficult childhood.
bert kreischer
Very.
joe rogan
Hard life.
And that's why she came out on the other end who she is.
But when you talk to her, you get this...
Nuanced view of the way she sees the world.
She's a very unusual person.
bert kreischer
She cracks me up.
Beginning of the pandemic, very beginning of the pandemic, she hits me up.
She goes, hey, we're doing this comedy gives back thing, and I'm interviewing Adam Sandler.
You're an Adam Sandler fan, right?
joe rogan
Love Adam Sandler.
bert kreischer
I fucking love Adam Sandler.
She goes, hey, so I'm going to interview him, but I know you're a fan, so I thought maybe I'd invite you over.
Maybe you'd come in, crash the thing.
joe rogan
Oh, I saw that.
bert kreischer
I fucked that up so bad.
unidentified
You fucked the whole thing up!
bert kreischer
I fucked that up so badly.
joe rogan
And Adam Sandler was like, what?
What questions did you ask him that was like...
bert kreischer
First of all, I didn't ask him any questions.
I told him, you know me, I told him a bunch of stories about me.
And he was like...
I go, hey, Adam, you want to hear a great story?
He's like, ah, sure, sure.
And I was like, so anyway, when you were in college, when I was in college, I was at Florida State, and you came and formed, and he's just like, I don't know where this is going.
And I go, you came to Florida State?
And this girl I was dating was like, ended up hanging up with you, and then they ended up smoking pot with you and Alan Covert, and then I didn't go, and that was me, though.
And he was like, ah, cool, cool.
joe rogan
And this is all Zoom, right?
unidentified
This is Zoom.
bert kreischer
There's no editing.
joe rogan
Also, you're not in the room with him.
bert kreischer
There's a delay, and Whitney and I have a tape measure, so we're six feet apart because it's COVID, and I'm swinging in like a boom mic, coming in going, hey, Adam, Adam, oh, this is so bad.
I can't even see it.
joe rogan
Look at the tape measure!
Whitney had a fucking tape measure!
That was before Whitney started coloring her hair random fucking woke colors.
bert kreischer
And then I didn't even realize it was bad, right?
I didn't even realize it was bad.
Joe, you know that I promoted my special, right?
You know that I went.
joe rogan
Of course.
bert kreischer
But I said to him, I go, do you have Netflix?
Here's the $200 million deal at Netflix.
The first I get off the phone, Big Jay Oakerson calls me.
And he goes, I just want to give you a heads up.
We just totally trashed you.
And I was like, what?
He goes, we were up after you.
And we were mocking that.
We were in the waiting room watching it.
And I go, what do you mean mock me, Jay?
And he goes, are you being serious?
I thought that interview went great.
I thought it was perfect.
joe rogan
Were you drunk?
bert kreischer
No, no, I think I was sober.
joe rogan
That's why.
That's the problem.
bert kreischer
Big J goes, Bert, you asked Adam Sandler if he had Netflix.
I said, yeah, because my special's on Netflix.
And he goes, Bert, he has a $200 million deal at Netflix.
He definitely has fucking Netflix.
And then he goes, and then you called his movie Happy Madison.
It's Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison.
He goes, and then you called his movie Precious Gems.
I go, it's not Precious Gems?
And then I start melting down, and I'm like, oh my god, I really fucked this up.
Yeah, that was a colossal...
God bless David Spade.
joe rogan
That Uncut Gems movie is fucking fantastic.
bert kreischer
Yeah, I call it Precious Gems.
joe rogan
Yeah, if you want to find out who Adam Sandler really is or what he's capable of, goddamn Uncut Gems.
That is one, two hour or whatever, however long the movie is, fucking panic attack.
bert kreischer
I gotta see it.
You haven't seen it?
joe rogan
Holy shit, Bert.
It's so good.
It's so crazy how good it is.
Do you know anybody who's a gambling junkie?
bert kreischer
No, I just stopped gambling.
joe rogan
You did?
bert kreischer
Yeah, I don't care.
I don't care about it.
I don't really give a fuck.
It's like, I'm just dead inside with that.
joe rogan
I used to gamble on fights when I was calling them.
In the early days of the UFC. Because there was guys who would come in from overseas.
Guys who'd come in who I'd watch fight in like K-1 or rings or any of those Japanese organizations.
And I knew who they were.
And I would gamble on them.
bert kreischer
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah, but I was like, is this bad?
I'm commentating and I'm also gambling.
I don't know if that's smart, because I don't want to be biased.
bert kreischer
He hit him hard!
Goddammit!
joe rogan
Aubrey, my partner in Onnit, Aubrey used to...
bert kreischer
You mean the man with the most beautiful body in the world?
joe rogan
It's not bad.
It's not bad.
bert kreischer
Between him and his wife, he's married, correct?
He's married.
joe rogan
Yes.
bert kreischer
I might just follow him on Instagram.
joe rogan
Yes.
bert kreischer
But their two bodies are just...
joe rogan
They're beautiful people.
bert kreischer
I think I have all the fat they should have.
joe rogan
Okay.
bert kreischer
Their bodies have zero fat on them.
And he's always got that...
joe rogan
He's a lovely man.
bert kreischer
He's got that beautiful sunshine smile.
That's another thing about this podcast.
I follow people I do not know.
And I'm like, oh, look, they're wake surfing.
joe rogan
Do you want to meet him?
bert kreischer
I'd love to meet Aubrey Marcus.
joe rogan
I'll hook it up.
Yeah, I'll call him after we're done here.
bert kreischer
Yeah, I would love to.
joe rogan
What was I saying about him?
bert kreischer
You were saying gambling on fights.
joe rogan
Oh, so I would give him...
That's Uncut Gems.
I would give him the tips.
Like, when guys would come in, I would say, oh my god, that line is totally wrong.
I'm like, this guy's a killer.
And we were, at one point, we were at 84%.
Where I was just giving him the tips and he was gambling, we would, 8 out of 10, I would call him right.
You know, because MMA, you can't call it right.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
All the time.
Because wild shit happens.
Like, did you see the UFC this weekend?
bert kreischer
I didn't and I won't.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
Brian Ortega.
And Alexander Volkanovski had one of the craziest title fights I've ever seen in my life.
It was wild!
And I kind of wish I was there.
I was out of town for that one.
That was my hunting trip, so I had to cancel it.
But god damn, it was so good.
It was so crazy.
That was a fight you couldn't...
Call.
Because Ortega almost won twice with two insane submissions.
Once with a...
He got him on the bottom with a guillotine, or he mounted him, rather, with a guillotine, and then he got him on the bottom with a triangle.
It was insane!
And Ortega is known for his submissions.
His submissions are some of the best in MMA periods.
bert kreischer
He's a Torrance jiu-jitsu guy, right?
joe rogan
He's from the original Gracie Academy in Torrance.
bert kreischer
That's where I trained.
joe rogan
Keep going.
Orion ran the school and his sons, you know...
bert kreischer
Henner.
joe rogan
Yeah, Henner and Heron.
And Brian Ortega came from there.
It's like lineage.
It's lineage.
It's like some of the purest jiu-jitsu that you're going to get.
And when you say fundamentals, like Brian Ortega has perfect fundamentals.
You know, Krohn Gracie.
unidentified
Perfect.
Perfect.
joe rogan
Perfect fundamentals.
They do everything to like this razor sharp.
When he dove on that guillotine choke, I was like, that is, like, I wish people could see how beautiful that is the way I see it.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because I know how hard that is to do.
unidentified
The way he slipped it in and got mount on a world champion.
Yeah.
Full guillotine mount, our world champion, and the guy got out!
joe rogan
I mean, he's gurgling.
It's as deep as it gets.
And when you realize how good Brian Ortega is, and what he's in right now, he's in a mount, but he's also got his legs crossed underneath, which is like the most ruthless mount.
Because a regular mount, you're on top of a guy, and the guy can kind of buck.
But Ortega's got his legs crossed.
unidentified
So that kind of guillotine with a guy like that is death!
It's death!
joe rogan
And that crazy motherfucker from Australia got out where 99.99% of the people who have ever lived would have tapped out.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
That fucking savage is like, not today, bitch.
I'd rather die.
bert kreischer
I did a deep dig on Brian Ortega.
So good, dude.
He was on Schaub's Calabasas Companion.
joe rogan
Yes.
bert kreischer
And probably one of the most interesting human beings I've ever heard talk.
He's an actor.
And he just doesn't come out as an actor, which is how I come at it as.
Like, just a regular person.
joe rogan
He's an actor?
He was acting before he did fighting?
bert kreischer
Please correct me.
joe rogan
No, we don't have to pull it up.
bert kreischer
No, no, no, no.
unidentified
Is that true?
bert kreischer
Let me know.
Hold on.
Brian Ortega was in a movie with Shia LaBeouf.
jamie vernon
They were both in the movie, but that was like the first, or maybe he's done very few things.
joe rogan
Was that when he was already fighting?
When was that movie?
unidentified
Very recently.
Oh, yeah.
jamie vernon
In Shaba, they were like, Shaba's an extra, but Brian's in it, too.
joe rogan
But they probably brought Brian in because, you know, he's already fought for the title before.
He fought Max Holloway.
He knocked out Frankie Edgar.
I mean, Brian Ortega's been a bad motherfucker for years.
bert kreischer
I heard you talk.
Well, I got into a deep dive about him, and I do a thing called Open Tabs, where I keep all the tabs open in my Safari browser, and then I do a podcast about telling you about all the shit I learned over the weekend.
unidentified
Huh?
bert kreischer
And I had a big Brian Ortega one, but I took it out because sometimes with cage fighters, maybe what I say isn't what they hear, and I don't want to piss any of them off.
joe rogan
I know what you're saying.
Some dudes are super sensitive.
bert kreischer
I'm sensitive as fuck.
And Brian Ortega was in this movie with Shia LaBeouf, and he told this crazy story about Shia trying to fight him.
Oh my god, that's hilarious.
Is that real?
unidentified
No.
joe rogan
Is that real?
bert kreischer
Yeah, yeah.
unidentified
I heard the story.
joe rogan
That is hilarious.
bert kreischer
And so, but Brian Ortega, the way he was telling the story was like, it was good, like, it was legit good storytelling.
Like, he can do jujitsu, I can tell a motherfuckers story, and the way he was telling the story...
joe rogan
Was like the way you would do jujitsu?
bert kreischer
If I knew jujitsu, yes!
He was telling it good.
He was telling it good.
And I was like, who the fuck is Brian?
And then the next clip is you talking about Brian Ortega's jujitsu's flawless.
joe rogan
It's flawless.
bert kreischer
But you said it's fundamental.
Ben's Insightful Pressure Tactics 00:15:24
joe rogan
Yeah, what that means is there's like some basic, and the word basic gets offensive to some people because I think they misinterpret.
That's why I use the word fundamentals instead of basic.
But what I mean by basic is there's just like some amazing moves in Jiu Jitsu that are standard.
Like the arm bar is standard.
Arm bar from the guard is a standard move.
A guillotine choke is a standard move.
A rear naked choke is a standard move.
A Darce choke, we're getting a little more new school-y because there's a guy, Joe Darce, that came up with that name.
But there's a bra bow choke that's kind of similar that's in Jiu Jitsu with the Gi.
And there's a lot of techniques like Gi techniques that are very fundamental.
Like Ezekiel chokes and clock chokes.
They're basically kind of fundamental.
And then you get into this new school, like Eddie Bravo style, where he's got some of these students that are just doing this wild shit.
There's this kid, Ben Eddie.
Who teaches out of Portland.
I think he's in Portland.
And Ben Eddy's like super flexible with his wild guard.
And I was just looking at this new move that he was doing where he's got like this rubber guard, new choke.
And I was analyzing this.
I was like, whoa!
And I'm like, how many people can move their legs like that?
Like how flexible is he?
How much dexterity does he have in his legs?
The way he's applying pressure.
I'm like, can my fat ass do that?
I'm looking at how he's doing it.
I'm like, can I do that?
Or is this like out of my league?
Is this like one of them, there's some crazy flexibility moves that you have to be like a pretzel to use?
So he's doing this shit.
Ben Eddy's got amazing jujitsu.
And one of the things I love about him, He's a long-haired hippie, and he's not like a brute at all, but he's a goddamn assassin when it comes to jiu-jitsu.
Those are my favorite guys who you would think would be like kind of nerds, but they are.
They're like nerd assassins.
That's how Eddie always calls them.
He calls them like nerd assassins.
Intelligent people that are playing a complicated game.
They could have been playing chess, but they instead became a jiu-jitsu person.
They could have been a person who's like a champion video game person, but instead it's the same thing.
It's like whatever makes you good at golf would also make you good at tennis.
There's athletic limitations to some things.
To be a really good runner, you have to be fast.
There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
But there's certain things that when a person gets really fucking good at something, what that is, I think you can apply to anything with passion.
See, this guy's got wild shit.
There's another dude named Jeremiah Vance, and he might be one of the most impressive.
He moves so fast off his back.
His back...
It's terrifying.
When he's on the bottom, which is usually a difficult position to attack from, it's way easier to attack on top because you have gravity on your side.
So if you're on top of a person and you're smooshing them, you have gravity on your side.
That's an advantage.
You have more pressure on them They don't have any pressure on you.
So you have to figure out a way to attack someone without any pressure.
Goddamn, look at that.
Yeah, dude, he's a master off his back.
He caught this dude in a fly trap, and he might have been one of the first guys to ever pull this off on a high-level competition.
Dude, I'm telling you, Jeremiah Vance is an assassin off his back.
But it's like, this is not fundamental jujitsu.
This stuff that he's doing right here, this is not the basics.
This is some wild variations that these really creative assassins are coming up with.
What you see when you see Brian Ortega, I'm sure Brian could do all that shit if you show him.
I'm sure he could.
I'm sure he already knows it too, but what you see from him is all of the fundamentals, the triangle, the rear naked, the arm bar at razor sharp, razor sharp precision.
That's what's amazing.
It's not just that he got a mounted guillotine on a world champion, it's the smoothness.
Like, watch that.
Can you play Brian Ortega's submission attempt on Volkanovski?
We can't find it?
I think it's on the UFC page.
I know Ariel Helwani tweeted it.
He tweeted a video.
And he said, how?
He said, how do you get out?
How does someone get out of this?
And it's a really good question.
Because if you know how good Brian Ortega's jujitsu is, you go, this is insane.
This should be checkmate.
There's another guy, like Krohn Gracie, who's Hicks and Gracie's son.
Krohn Gracie got a guillotine on Cub Swanson.
And Cub Swanson is a legitimate fucking murderer.
He's a killer.
He's really good.
He's good all around.
He can knock dudes outstanding.
He's a black belt in jujitsu.
He's a bad motherfucker.
He's been around forever.
He's a veteran, just as tough as they come.
And Krohn Gracie caught his neck like a crocodile.
It was like a crocodile snatching a wildebeest by the side of a waterhole.
bert kreischer
Is this it?
joe rogan
This is Ortega Volkanovski, and this is the triangle.
The fact that he got out of this is just as impressive, so we might as well watch this.
Do you know how good that triangle is?
That is so goddamn good, completely locked in.
Ortega's head is fucking purple, and his nickname, T-City, that's Triangle City.
That's Brian Ortega's nickname because he's so good at the triangle.
He had a triangle fully locked in, and Volkanovski is such a bad motherfucker that he got out of it.
And it looked like Ortega was done in the fourth round.
It looked like he was beaten down.
And he came back and he won the fifth round.
Dude, it was one of the wildest fights I've ever seen in my life.
I've called a thousand fights at least.
Maybe 1,500, maybe even 2,000.
I don't know how many fights I've called.
That, watching that shit from home...
I was like, this is one of the wildest things I've ever seen in my life.
I was screaming.
bert kreischer
I was probably 500 yards from them at the Park MGM. All I got, I was doing a show at the Park MGM. What time was your show?
7 o'clock.
joe rogan
Oh, you could have gone.
Your show was there, buddy.
bert kreischer
I know.
The fight I wanted to see was Nick and...
joe rogan
Yeah, Nick and Robbie Lawler.
bert kreischer
Nick and Robbie Lawler, that's the one I definitely want to see.
Did you see it?
No, I didn't.
I didn't.
I got into the green room and they told me what happened and then I was like...
joe rogan
Here's my thought.
When people say that he shouldn't have fought, he was doing really well.
He was off for six years, and he was doing really well against a world-class, straight-up killer in Robbie Lawler, who used to be the UFC welterweight champion.
And Robbie Lawler, you could make an argument he's not in his prime, but he's damn close.
He's right there.
He's still capable of beating...
A lot of fucking people in the UFC. He's like a top 10 guy for sure.
Robbie Lawler's a kid.
Like, what is Robbie Lawler ranked in the UFC's welterweight division?
He could beat anybody.
All he has to do is, like, you can't look at him by, like, some of the fights that didn't go so good, because, like, you're a professional athlete in a sport that's brutal on your body.
But if you look at him, what is he still capable of doing?
Like, it's not like he's physically incapacitated.
It's not like he's really slowed down that much.
It's like, what is he capable of doing?
What is he capable of doing this?
Beating the fuck out of people.
I think the level of competition, he's gotten a little older, but the level of competition has also gotten better.
They keep getting better and better and better and better.
You get the Tyron Woodleys, and then Kamaru Usman comes along and takes it to another level.
It's a wild sport.
bert kreischer
What's crazy is that, as a simple passerby, is I'm a fan of all of them.
Yeah.
There's no loser in a fight.
And then there's also no, like, I'm still a huge Nick Diaz fan.
joe rogan
Yeah, well, of course.
That's one of the beautiful things about the sport, is that you don't have to be undefeated to be special.
Like, Conor McGregor's lost a bunch of times.
He's still the biggest draw in the sport.
bert kreischer
I fucking love Conor McGregor.
joe rogan
If Conor McGregor comes back, if he comes back with a metal leg...
And fights now, people will still come to see him by the droves, and they'll sing when he comes out, and the Irish support him to the end.
bert kreischer
Dude, when he fought Nate Diaz, I mean, like, Jorge Masvidal, I saw a fight on YouTube videos when I was at a fucking Des Moines funny bone, and I texted Tommy, I was like, you gotta check this kid out.
joe rogan
The Kimbo Slice ones?
Yeah, the Kimbo Slice ones, yeah.
bert kreischer
And so, like, I'm fans of all these guys, so when they...
It's like Robbie Lawler and Nick Diaz.
I was like, I want them both to win, you know?
joe rogan
I agree with what you're saying.
I try, even as a commentator, because I'm in a weird spot where I'm talking about the fights, I try to be as neutral as possible.
And that's why it was insanely hard when Brendan Schaub was fighting.
Dude, that was...
Watching Schaub get beat up was some of the hardest...
It was so hard for me.
It was so hard for me.
It was so hard.
Because, like, I genuinely love that dude.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
joe rogan
And I saw where this was going.
And I was like, shit.
Like, you gotta get out now.
Like, you gotta get out now.
Like, this is not something...
There's a point of no return when a guy starts getting KO'd by giants.
Mm-hmm.
Giants.
I mean, like, Ben Rothwell.
You ever been around Ben Rothwell?
bert kreischer
No.
joe rogan
You want to feel like a feeble person?
bert kreischer
No.
joe rogan
Shake hands with Ben Rothwell, and you go, oh, well, you could just eat me if you wanted to.
There's dudes out there like that, like Tom Erickson.
He was 300 pounds natural and one of the best wrestlers in MMA. He was 300 pounds.
They called him the big cat because he was 300, but that's Ben Rothwell.
That's a giant human being that should have a battle axe in his hand.
He should be showing up on a boat with one of them dragons at the front of it.
You know those fucking viking boats?
Look at that man.
In another world, that guy would be fucking showing up at the front of the boat and you would have a real problem on your hands.
bert kreischer
Jesus, man.
joe rogan
There's a bunch of those dudes, man.
bert kreischer
I sat with Brendan when he was getting ready to tell a story about fight.
He was doing the Ari thing.
joe rogan
Yeah.
bert kreischer
And Ari's like, hit me up.
He's like, hey, man, will you sit with Brendan and help him go over his story, help him figure it out?
And he told me the whole story of that fight with Travis Brown.
joe rogan
Yeah, Travis Brown.
bert kreischer
Yeah.
It's fucking fascinating when you hear these guys talk about what goes, especially, I think Brandon's, I don't mean this out of disrespect to anyone else, but I think he's a little bit more insightful about the things that maybe I would feel if I walked into the ring, you know?
Like who he sees and what's happening.
joe rogan
Well, he's also honest and he can make fun of himself.
bert kreischer
Yeah, it's a little more humble in the sense, and it was so connective.
We did like an hour...
He told me the soul story for an hour, and then we kind of talked about what highlights a good story and what makes a good story.
It was really fucking fascinating.
joe rogan
He's a great dude.
He really is.
He's a fun guy to be around.
That's why all his friends love him so much.
People don't like him because he's, first of all, whether you judge his comedy or judge his podcast or judge whether, you also have to judge how he looks and he's a beautiful man and it's a real problem for people.
He's a beautiful man and he's like six foot five.
bert kreischer
Great head of air.
joe rogan
He's built like a fucking Adonis.
unidentified
It really is.
joe rogan
It really makes people uncomfortable, me included.
I'm his friend.
He just has massive advantage.
You get a hate on him, but he's a great guy.
If you just know him, he's a great guy.
And I saw him getting hurt, and I was like, he doesn't really want to do this anymore, but he's doing this.
It's incomparable, because my martial arts competition days were very insignificant.
In comparison to his.
He knocked out Cro Cop.
He knocked out Minotauri.
So I'm not trying to compare myself to him, but I'm going to compare a moment in my life where I knew I had to stop competing.
Because I wasn't really doing it anymore.
I was training, sort of, but I was also doing stand-up comedy and I was working all day and I kind of knew that I had to get out.
But it was my identity.
And I was 21 years old and I hadn't really figured out how to make real plans for myself.
And I was realizing that I was training and competing with people that were way more into it than I was.
And I realized, oh my god, I'm not into it the same way I used to be.
Like, I forgot what it was like when I was at my peak when I was 19, when I was...
I literally have no problems in the world.
I was young and stupid.
I was out of high school, so I didn't have to go to school anymore.
And I was taking a year off of school before I went to college.
And I had all this time to just train.
And I was obsessed, and that's all I did was train all day.
But by the time I was 21, dude, I was training like four days a week, maybe five, and I wasn't training like it was my whole life.
I was doing it because it was like a thing that I always did.
And then I was fighting.
And then I realized it, I was like, I gotta stop now, or I'm gonna get my brain scrambled.
Because I'm meeting people who are like I used to be, but I'm not like them anymore.
I had lost the obsession.
I knew that Schaub lost the obsession.
I knew that he was a great athlete early on in his career.
bert kreischer
He's way better at what he does now.
He's way better at what he does now.
joe rogan
He's a great fighter, dude.
Don't get me wrong.
He choked out Matt Mitrione.
People give him shit.
For what he did, Matt Mitrione is a fucking pro football player athlete with serious knockout power.
Like, serious fucking KO power.
He've KO'd Fedor, okay?
bert kreischer
Wow.
joe rogan
Yes, exactly.
And Brendan Schaub choked him the fuck out.
And he can do that.
He's really good.
I mean, knocked out Krokop.
Crow Cop is legitimately one of the best strikers to ever fight in MMA. And granted, it was Crow Cop later in his life.
Granted, it was Crow Cop after he had these wars in pride and then came over to the UFC. And he had...
It's just being a human.
Getting hit a bunch of times.
You lose something somewhere along the way.
So I don't think that was the Crow Cop that fought Fedor the first time, but it was still motherfucking Crow Cop.
And Brandon Schaub KO'd him.
So it's like...
He had it at one time.
But you can see when fighters don't have it anymore when it becomes a job.
Like Joseph Benavidez just retired and one of the things that he said was that he realized he was not going to get a chance to fight for the world title again and he didn't want MMA to be just a job.
And it's a brilliant thing to say because it's brutally honest.
It's brutally honest.
And it takes a sensitive, intelligent person like him.
He goes, I don't want this to be a job.
I wanted to be the best in the world.
He was very close to being the best in the world.
He was most certainly number two for quite a long time.
Maybe even was number one, but he didn't get a shot.
It was like, you got a window as an athlete.
To be at your best before the tissue, just the RPMs and the fucking trauma of just, even just regular training, even if you're just not even getting hit, just regular training, just hitting the bag, just fucking doing CrossFit, just doing those kind of like kettlebell exercises and plyos and jump and box jumps, your tissue is getting stressed.
Fighting Through Pain 00:15:35
joe rogan
Everywhere.
How long can you do that for?
Like that hardcore at a world-class level?
You might have ten years in you.
You know, they say fighters, they have like nine years.
bert kreischer
So wait, here's my question is like, what percentage of fighters that get that...
This is a tough question.
Meaning, what's the percentage of fighters that get into the UFC that fighters that try to get into the UFC? Is it like baseball?
Because every kid plays baseball growing up.
joe rogan
Well, I think baseball's most certainly more popular than the UFC because it's in colleges, it's in high schools.
There's like a direct path, right, to be an ace high school player.
You get into a good college and a scholarship, you kick ass in that college, you get drafted by the Yankees.
I mean, there's a direct path, right?
There's not such a direct path as an MMA fighter.
It's more complicated.
bert kreischer
It's more complicated because I look at...
I just started following Patty Pimblinton.
Patty the Batty!
I just like him.
joe rogan
Right away, one fight!
bert kreischer
Dude, I just immediately like the kid and I go, I want to see more of him, you know?
joe rogan
Yeah, it's amazing.
One fight in the UFC. Sean O'Malley, too, though.
bert kreischer
Sean O'Malley, I just...
I see the one fight, I think he hurt his foot, right?
joe rogan
Oh, dude, Sean O'Malley is special.
He's special.
He's special.
I love watching that dude fight.
He is a uniquely confident, wild motherfucker who's super creative, and he's fucking...
Look, man, he's...
He's insanely good.
He's still getting better too, man.
That's the wild thing about that dude.
Thomas Almeida, that dude he just fucked up, you have to understand who Thomas Almeida is.
Before Cody Garbrandt knocked out Thomas Almeida, Thomas Almeida was one of the best Like, shots to be a world champion.
Like, you looked at him when he was coming up, when he was dominating people, when he'd get caught and hurt and still come back and knock guys out.
He was a gladiator.
Thomas Almeida was, like, he was someone to watch.
And then Cody Garbrandt put the fucking knuckles to him.
In an insane way with this sidestep footwork beautiful boxing hit about a perfect place right hand and knocked him out I mean Cody Garbrandt just fucked him up.
It was wild to see because Garbrandt and Thomas Almeida at that time were both thought to be kind of on that same level like guys who are rising to the title and Thomas Almeida Was fucking dangerous man for Cody to fuck him up that way was really super impressive.
Yeah, so when you see Sean O'Malley fight Thomas Almeida and just pitch a shutout.
Just a wild shutout.
And the pace is insane.
And KO him really kind of twice.
I could have stopped him at one point in time, and the referee let him go on, and then he literally says to him, like, he puts his hands up, he goes, okay, and then he knocks him out when he's on the ground.
It was wild shit.
Wild.
bert kreischer
I saw Jamie Kilstein do a breakdown of that fight or talk about that fight.
joe rogan
Dude, Shawn is insanely accurate.
His timing is just spectacular.
My point is...
bert kreischer
So wait, hang on.
Here's my question.
So those guys that come in, and I mean this respectfully, Balls are blazing.
Sean O'Malley, Patty Pimblinton, Conor McGregor.
These guys that just show up with so much confidence.
How much confidence is walking into the ring, how much success is walking into the ring with that much confidence, that much balls, that much like Nick Diaz on his back giving the birds, or on his back going like, come on, get me, get me.
Or his brother giving the birds.
joe rogan
It certainly means something.
Confidence means something.
But you can have all the confidence in the world and you fight Anderson Silva in his prime and you're still fucked.
It doesn't mean jack shit.
The most important thing is skill.
Like a lot of guys have confidence.
Like all these guys having confidence is big.
It's a big part of the equation.
bert kreischer
But it's so much fun to watch them.
joe rogan
But it's got...
They have everything, right?
Like, O'Malley's got a weird personality that, like, is compelling.
So does, you know, there's a lot of guys like that.
They have personalities that want to...
bert kreischer
Cowboy.
joe rogan
Yeah.
bert kreischer
It's fucking compelling as a motherfucker.
joe rogan
Patty Pemberton.
Something about his haircut.
I want to follow him.
bert kreischer
Dude, I followed him?
I followed him as another guy in open tabs I didn't talk about because I was like, I don't know how these guys received that, but I just fucking watched every video about the guy.
joe rogan
Do you know fighters got upset by how popular he was getting?
They were making all these memes where they were putting his hair on a bunch of different fighters.
bert kreischer
Are you serious?
joe rogan
Yeah, there was a whole series of them that were going around.
I don't know if fighters were doing it or if other people online were doing it, but it was really funny.
bert kreischer
Who's the guy that he...
He's from the same town as that guy.
He's got the same type of accent.
Liverpool.
joe rogan
Darren Till.
bert kreischer
Darren Till.
Dude, Darren Till.
I got into that guy.
joe rogan
Yeah, he's a fascinating guy, too.
bert kreischer
He's funny as shit.
joe rogan
You know, he fought that last fight with a torn ACL. He should not have fought.
Yeah, he should have got surgery on his knee.
But if you look at him, he didn't look nearly as impressive as he generally does.
You know, he's a really fucking dangerous striker.
Darren Till's beaten Cowboy Cerrone in his UFC, like, his real breakout fight.
He had a couple of fights in the UFC before that.
But he knocked out...
He beat Kelvin Gastelum.
Damn, I forgot about that one.
Lost to Robert Whittaker.
I mean, he's a really good fighter.
The big one was the Woodley fight, because he had beaten Cerrone by KO. That was his big breakout fight.
And then he beat Wonderboy Thompson, who's one of the best strikers in the UFC. And then he fought Woodley, but Woodley beat him.
And then he realized that he was too small, and Woodley beat him pretty handily.
He knocked him down and strangled him.
And then he realized he had to go up to 185, because he was a big dude.
I remember the first time I saw him, I was standing next to him in the hallway.
I was like, how the fuck does that guy make 170?
He was so big.
But there's a lot of those dudes just, They just dehydrate the shit out of themselves, weaken themselves, and then try to recover as much as possible in 24 hours.
bert kreischer
I don't know how they do that.
We did the weight loss challenge, and I was like, I can't fucking...
I can barely eat pizza.
joe rogan
Yeah, you were almost dead by the end of it.
My point was, why was I talking about Darren Till?
What was I saying about him?
unidentified
Because he's from the same place.
joe rogan
He's from Liverpool, yeah.
Oh, that he tore his ACL. Oh, yeah.
So his last fight...
Think I don't think it was very many weeks out like maybe two weeks or so out he tore his ACL in training and They were gonna pull out of the fight, but he said let me see what I can do with my ACL all fucked up Not making excuses for the dude.
bert kreischer
I like that shit.
I like that shit.
Yeah, there's a certain thing of I don't know.
I like that shit.
When guys fight injured?
Hey, Darren, I apologize for what I'm about to say.
joe rogan
He doesn't mean the apology, I'm telling you right now.
bert kreischer
When we were shooting my movie, I had torn my tricep, right?
Right.
And we had a fight scene left to go.
And I was just like...
And I was like, I should be good.
And I do the fight scene, I do the fight scene, and I grab the guy, and I hear three pops, like, dot, dot, dot.
And I'm like, oh, fuck.
I think it just went off the bone.
Like, it's now retracting.
And listen, once again, Darren Till, much respect, but I was like...
I got that same who's gonna carry the boats mentality.
And I look at the director and I go, and I know this is bullshit, pussy, Hollywood stuff, but I go, let's get the fight scene.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm going into surgery.
Let's get our fucking fight scene.
And I fucking threw punches.
joe rogan
With your left arm?
unidentified
The one that would hurt?
bert kreischer
With my left arm.
Yeah, because I had to throw fucking hooks into the rib cage.
joe rogan
Did you worry about it breaking off and flying across the room?
bert kreischer
Who's going to carry the boats, Joe?
Who's going to carry the boats?
And let me tell you something.
All these motherfuckers I've talked about, when I'm shooting that movie, in my head, I'm like, do you give them a chance to do it?
Brian will tell you, you give them a chance to do the movie I just did, and he could do those fight scenes way better than I did.
You think he'd fucking tear a fucking tricep and go, hey guys, I've got to tap out.
joe rogan
Yeah, he might.
bert kreischer
He has a goddamn career in the UFC. Yeah, but I fucking went hard as fuck.
joe rogan
If you're a professional athlete and you tear your tricep in a movie, just stop.
Stop filming the fucking movie.
bert kreischer
I fucking blew the fuck out of this arm.
joe rogan
Well, that's good for you, man, that you gutted it through.
bert kreischer
I was like, dude, I was like, you get one shot at these things, I'm gonna fucking put everything into it.
And it's fun to watch these guys go at it because, you know, I realized just how much I couldn't fight.
Like, just because you have to do...
joe rogan
If that's what you really wanted to do, you could do it.
And I don't mean this disrespectfully, but I mean you could definitely do it.
There's a lot of people who could do it.
It's like, where are you now and how far would you have to travel in your mind to get to the place where you could do it?
But the idea that you couldn't do that and couldn't get there is nonsense.
bert kreischer
But throwing punches is not as...
I think a lot of men...
I watch a lot of these football stadium fights.
joe rogan
Oh, in the crowd?
bert kreischer
Yeah, and you see these guys throw punches, and you go, oh, if I knew you were going to throw those punches, I wouldn't mind fighting with you.
joe rogan
Yeah, but there's also guys who will knock you the fuck out in those stands.
bert kreischer
Well, yeah, but these fucking guys, these guys in the Cowboys jerseys, I didn't see any punch I wouldn't be afraid of.
Like, they're like these Rams guys.
joe rogan
But you're taking a chance.
bert kreischer
You're taking a chance.
joe rogan
You're taking a chance, you're going to run into Joe Schilling in a bar.
bert kreischer
But I know...
Oh, dude.
Was that not beautiful?
Was that not beautiful?
joe rogan
You do not get frisky with literally one of the best strikers on planet Earth.
bert kreischer
It was so quickly.
joe rogan
Can you imagine you're an asshole talking shit at a bar and you accidentally do it to Joe Schilling?
You accidentally do it to a world Muay Thai champion?
bert kreischer
It was so quick.
joe rogan
I mean, of all the fucking terrible roads to go down...
bert kreischer
Oh, that was so...
It happened so quickly that you go...
It's so funny when you watch someone throw a punch who knows what they're doing.
And you go, oh, that guy's punched before.
joe rogan
Yeah, not just knows what he's doing.
He's a world champion.
He's an assassin.
He's a terrifying human.
bert kreischer
I wish I'd been the bar back.
unidentified
Oh, my God.
bert kreischer
Just standing in that little perfect spot where you heard the guy say what he said.
You know he said something.
joe rogan
I don't know.
He did something too.
He didn't just say something.
He bumped his chest forward towards him.
Like he bowed up on him.
Like he was going to swing on him or something.
You can't make a sharp, quick move when you're talking shit with a world champion fighter.
He's not going to let you hit him.
The thing about sucker punches, and this is something that people have to realize in any encounter.
I'm not encouraging trained killers to go out and beat on people in bars.
But what I'm saying is, the problem with sucker punching, you're gonna see it right here, like Joe just tried to walk by him, he doesn't say anything, and the guy says something and Joe turns around, and he does that.
Where he bows on him and Joe just hits him with like four punches while he's like falling.
It's like you can't just bow up on people because the problem with sucker punches is if a guy can punch, and it could be some random person, there's a lot of random people out there.
They might not be trained strikers, they might not be world champion kickboxers, but they know how to throw a punch.
It's like a lot of kids know how to throw a baseball.
If your uncle taught you to throw a punch, you could throw a good right hand.
If you just sucker punch someone out of nowhere, just throw a punch at them, they don't realize you're punching them until it's too late.
Because reaction time is way slower than action time.
It's a flaw in the human neurosystem.
If I go to slap you, you don't realize I'm slapping you until it's too late.
bert kreischer
Until I've already been slapped.
joe rogan
Because there's a reaction time.
You have instincts that people build in that enhance that reaction time, but the reality of a sucker punch is if you're close enough to someone and they say something to you and you don't expect it, there's some rudeness and they throw a punch You can get knocked the fuck out.
Anybody can get knocked the fuck out.
Anybody can.
Anybody can.
Joe has lost by knockout in crazy fights.
You've got to think of all the people.
Anderson Silva's lost by knockouts.
A lot of people.
Fedor lost by knockouts.
Human beings can get knocked out.
Some of the best ever can get knocked out.
And if some guy just flexes on you, you don't know what he's going to do next.
You have no idea.
And he didn't have an idea either.
bert kreischer
That guy did not see that coming.
I bet he woke up and he was like, did we do shots?
What happened?
joe rogan
He was one of Nick's training partners.
He's been a training partner of Nick's forever.
bert kreischer
Nick?
joe rogan
Nick Diaz.
bert kreischer
That guy?
joe rogan
Joe Schilling.
bert kreischer
Oh my god, I thought you meant the guy that got knocked out.
joe rogan
I was like, wait, what the fuck?
Joe Schilling.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
He was there at the Diaz fight.
And, you know, my thing about Nick Diaz is like, when I looked at him physically, I was like, I don't know how much he's been training.
Like, when Nick was in his prime...
He was, like, really lean.
And he was, you know, I mean, he's definitely like an older guy now.
bert kreischer
How old, though?
joe rogan
I think he's like 30. I don't know.
How old?
38. 38?
bert kreischer
Is he really?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
But the thing is, like, I don't think you can just jump back in that easy after six years out of the sport.
I think you'd probably need more time to prepare.
bert kreischer
He kind of got fucked, right?
joe rogan
Well, I don't know how much time he had to prepare and why they agreed to do a fight on short notice.
Because I think it was only like six weeks notice, which I think...
It's fine if you're Michael Chandler, if you're in peak form right now and you're ready to go and someone gives you six weeks, I bet you can get ready for a fight.
But if you're a guy who's been off for that long, you're going to need more time, I think.
I'm just guessing.
I don't know how much time it took him.
My point was, he didn't do that bad for a guy that was out six months.
You know, Robbie Lawler was pressuring him, and he was putting it on him, and he was definitely getting the better of the exchanges.
But it's not like Nick Diaz didn't have his moments, and he definitely did.
He would just have to have really, like, way more time to prepare.
And he would have to really be, like, ready to go.
Like the old Nick Diaz.
Like the Nick Diaz that fought Anderson Silva.
Like the Nick Diaz that fought George St. Pierre.
Like the Nick Diaz that fought Paul Daly in Strikeforce.
I mean, that dude was a fucking killer.
It's just like, can he still do that at 38?
unidentified
Well...
joe rogan
Maybe, we don't know, if you just have one fight.
You need time.
If your body hasn't been used to this stuff and you haven't been training as much as you were when you were in your prime, if you still want to do it again, like legitimately, physically, you probably can.
But it's like, you know, you've run a marathon.
When you start out and you run a mile and you're dead, and you're like, I can't believe anybody can run 26 of those.
But if you do it over and over and over again, you build up.
I don't think Nick Diaz had a chance to build back up after being off for that much time.
I think you get back to where he was Nick Diaz in his best, he's gotta have some time.
bert kreischer
Those Diaz brothers were great for their fucking pace.
They could last the whole fucking fight because of their cardio.
joe rogan
Well, they're always into triathlons and shit.
They got Crone Gracie into that, too.
Really?
Yeah, it's one of the reasons why he's so good.
bert kreischer
His cardio is amazing, too.
Most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.
I did a triathlon.
joe rogan
Oh, my God, man.
bert kreischer
I'm running the New York City Marathon.
joe rogan
When's that?
bert kreischer
November 6th.
joe rogan
How are you doing that like this?
bert kreischer
I don't know, Joe.
joe rogan
What the fuck are you doing?
unidentified
You want to pulverize your knees?
You saw Nick step into the cage?
bert kreischer
I'll figure it out.
Robbie Lawler won't be there.
joe rogan
Why don't you just make yourself smaller first?
bert kreischer
I don't know.
We should do another cocktail.
I'm gonna try to lose weight.
I'm gonna try lose weight, but you know, here's the thing about like, what's this?