Sept. 28, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:43:02
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | ||
|
unidentified
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The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! | ||
| We're up. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh yeah. | |
| Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy How long has it been? | ||
| It's been months and months. | ||
| It's been all quarantine. | ||
| No, no, it's the first quarantine. | ||
| We did a podcast right when, I think, my special aired. | ||
| Right, right when it started going down. | ||
| When we smoked two separate joints because we were scared. | ||
| Was that like May or something? | ||
| It was March. | ||
| March 20th we did a podcast, I think. | ||
| Now we're ready to make out. | ||
| Yeah, little did I know I didn't need to do anyone's podcast. | ||
| Stay at home. | ||
| Home orders are really good for a special. | ||
| Special comes out March 17th. | ||
| Stay-at-home orders kick out March 15th. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| I mean, we're talking. | ||
| Greatest timing ever. | ||
| Fuck a snowstorm, Ralphie Mae. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Everyone's at home. | ||
| Dude, it was insane. | ||
| And then the cabin came out, and I was like, I was going to hit you up to do your podcast. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| They still got stay-at-home orders. | ||
| I think we're good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, one of the weirdest things that happened was podcasts are essential businesses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| I'll tell you what, it kept me sane. | ||
| Me and Tom did Two Bears, One Cave. | ||
| It was the best thing that ever happened to me. | ||
| Best thing that ever fucking happened to me. | ||
| Yeah, because it gives you something to do. | ||
| Yeah, and we doubled down. | ||
| When you weren't doing shows. | ||
| We started doing one every week, and we were doing two a month. | ||
| And we just, I mean, it was like complete, and we just forgot about COVID when we got in there. | ||
| And may I be the one to say that you were the first person to figure out to do drive-through or drive-in movie shows? | ||
| See, there's a lot of people, other people try to take credit for that, Bert Kreischer. | ||
| I will listen to that podcast. | ||
| It's not some different human... | ||
| And I try to be diplomatic, because I know it was you, and I was like, you know what it's like? | ||
| It's like when someone has a hand grenade and they pull the pin, and you're like, don't let go of that thing, because that's a live hand grenade. | ||
| And they're like, no, it's not. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Can I tell you? | ||
|
unidentified
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Okay. | |
| And I told you outside, I got the same Amanda Knox thing Malcolm Gladwell says she has, that guilty disorder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I listened to that and I went, oh my god, I didn't create the drive-in. | ||
| Eliza did. | ||
| I didn't create it. | ||
| You thought that? | ||
| You panicked? | ||
| I was like, I stole it from her. | ||
| I was like, I know I came up with that. | ||
| March 17th, the day my special aired, I called Nick Nussiforo. | ||
| I said, yo, get me to drive-in movie theaters. | ||
| He's like, it's not a thing. | ||
| And I go, no, we'll make it a thing. | ||
| I go, they're wide open. | ||
| No one's using them. | ||
| Let's get in there. | ||
| We'll have all the feed going from my audio on a stage right next to the big screen. | ||
| We'll shoot it. | ||
| He's like, it's not a thing. | ||
| Then he hits me back. | ||
| He goes, okay, I got an electronic dance producer, EMD music, whatever. | ||
| They think they can do it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hotbox. | |
| Shout out to Hotbox. | ||
| Those guys are gangsters. | ||
| He's like, the money is shit. | ||
| He's like, you got to pay for another tour bus, a thing to drag the stage around, a crew of 12. And he's like, and you gotta rent the vent. | ||
| He's like, it's money as shit. | ||
| But if you wanna do it, you can do it. | ||
| And I was like, let's do it. | ||
| And they signed me up for like 14. And I was like, hang on, let's do like a couple and see if I, I don't wanna commit to a fucking summer. | ||
| So we did the first one in a rock quarry in North Carolina, the most beautiful location. | ||
| I did an hour and 35 minutes. | ||
| In 35 minutes, I did my whole hour. | ||
| And I was like, time to tell the machine twice. | ||
| I was like, fuck it. | ||
| And I called him that night on the bus. | ||
| I was like, book me in every city. | ||
| I think we did like 60 cities. | ||
| Yeah, I remember you telling me about the idea. | ||
| I knew you came up with it, but there was a moment. | ||
| It was like a 30-second moment in the podcast while Jamie was looking it up. | ||
| Me too! | ||
| I was like, God damn it, I hope Jamie's good. | ||
| I watched it, I was like, I was out there in June. | ||
| The best thing was her reaction. | ||
| Well, that's not safe. | ||
|
unidentified
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The difference between September and what was it? | |
| When did you come up with it? | ||
| Your first was like June, right? | ||
| June. | ||
| And we were out all summer and it was the coolest fucking thing. | ||
| And look, I think anyone who was there, we did, I think, 2,000 cars in Philly. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| I was telling jokes to people a quarter of a mile away. | ||
| Like a quarter of a mile away. | ||
| They couldn't even see the stage. | ||
| They just had screens everywhere. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But what was great is you get done the show, you get in the back of a golf cart with a cocktail, Tito's and Soda's, shirt off. | ||
| I'd stand where the golf bags sit. | ||
| And I just drive through the line while they wait in traffic and go, thanks for coming. | ||
| Do my meet and greet that way. | ||
| And it was the funnest way to spend a pandemic summer in a bubble, on a bus, and people were, like, I think people admit, not the best comedy show they've ever seen in their life. | ||
| I mean, we did good work, but like... | ||
| Not the best environment. | ||
| Not the best environment, but everyone was grateful. | ||
| They're like, you got us out of the house. | ||
| You made us feel normal again. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Everyone was grateful. | ||
| Not one complaint the entire summer. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Dude, this was in Pittsburgh. | ||
| That's one of the better locations I've played at. | ||
| That's so awesome. | ||
| Butler, Pennsylvania. | ||
| It was brilliant. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| I love that you did it. | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| No, it was a very innovative thing. | ||
| Is that what Variety gave you the award for? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did they give you the award for this? | ||
| Yeah, pretty much. | ||
| Yeah, because no one was touring. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you did it. | ||
| Listen, that's as safe as you can get. | ||
| People are in their fucking cars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're in their cars 10 feet away from each other. | ||
| It's genius. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's genius. | ||
| It was an amazing idea, dude. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you very much, Joe. | ||
| I remember telling the idea to Tom when I came up with it, and Tom goes, looks me in the eyes and goes, you don't want to be a guinea pig. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| I go, what are you talking about? | ||
| And he was like, I don't know, man. | ||
| He was like, we'll keep doing the podcast. | ||
| Stay here. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Do you mean a guinea pig for science and medicine or for trying out a new kind of comedy? | ||
| For trying out a new kind of comedy. | ||
| He's like, it could fuck up your career. | ||
| He's like, I already sold out a whole theater tour. | ||
| And so he's like, you could fuck up your career. | ||
| How are you going to fuck up your career? | ||
| Because you do it and it's bad and you bomb and then all your fans are like, well that fucking sucked and then you lose a market. | ||
| Zoom comedy can fuck up your career. | ||
| I didn't do any of that. | ||
| I watched really great comics do Zoom comedy with no audience and their comedy looked terrible. | ||
| Like great jokes. | ||
| I saw a couple of those. | ||
| That I know is funny. | ||
| If you saw it in front of a crowd at the improv, it'll be brilliant. | ||
| Let me tell you, the award I got for Idy, I love the name of this award, it's called Damn the Torpedoes. | ||
| Is that, what's cutting out? | ||
| Is that my mic or your? | ||
| No, it's not mine. | ||
| Or my headset? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's your headset. | |
| I don't hear anything. | ||
| It's just, it started cutting out. | ||
| It's like fucking up. | ||
| Jamie, will you find out who said Damn the Torpedoes? | ||
| It was Winston Churchill, my favorite fucking alcoholic. | ||
| Check, check, check, check. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| All right, we're back. | ||
| Winston Churchill said, damn the torpedoes. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Was he an alcoholic? | ||
| Let me put my cigar down for a second. | ||
| He looks like one. | ||
| Don't even tell me who said it, because let me just tell you about Winston Churchill. | ||
| Hey, Jamie, this is a problem. | ||
| There's something going on here. | ||
| When he's talking, it's cutting out when I'm talking, too. | ||
|
unidentified
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Pause. | |
| We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Sorry, folks. | ||
| We had to lose wire. | ||
| So Winston Churchill. | ||
| Winston Churchill would wake up every morning with a scotch and a cigar, eggs, bacon, toast, and his paper. | ||
| Now I'm hungry and I want to read. | ||
| Jamie, pull up Burt Kreischer Winston Churchill Day. | ||
| So I find out this and I go, and then he'd go to lunch. | ||
| He'd have a bottle of champagne at lunch. | ||
| A whole bottle? | ||
| A whole bottle. | ||
| A whole bottle at lunch. | ||
| How old do you think he was when he died? | ||
| I think he was like 82, 78. Wow. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| So I find this out, and I become obsessed with Winston Churchill. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Winston Churchill. | ||
| We're not even drunk yet! | ||
| So I decide on the day of his death, I'm going to celebrate Winston Churchill Day. | ||
| Are you going to do it like he did it? | ||
| Joe, my wife sucks at presents. | ||
| I mean, sucks at buying presents. | ||
| She bought me a generator one year, an iPad. | ||
| Yeah, in a pandemic, it wasn't that bad. | ||
| And she made me a scotch, eggs, Bacon, coffee, water, toast, jam, berries. | ||
| And Joe, all these little crystal things, the toast holder, she bought that all for Christmas. | ||
| And she said, we're celebrating Winston Churchill Day with you. | ||
| That was one of the best days I've ever had in my life. | ||
| I woke up with a scotch and a cigar and smoked it in my bed. | ||
| That's pretty nice. | ||
| It was fucking out of this world. | ||
| And then I won the Damn the Torpedoes line, right? | ||
| Is that Winston Churchill? | ||
| Yeah, it was somebody else. | ||
| Motherfucker. | ||
| Full speed ahead. | ||
| Damn, how great is that? | ||
| David Glasgow Farragut. | ||
| Hey, I'm Farragut. | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| Farragut? | ||
| Farragut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also spelled Glasgow. | ||
| C-O-E or C-O-W? Oh, in the American Civil War. | ||
| Flag officer. | ||
| So damn the torpedoes means, what does it phrase mean? | ||
| It means ignore the cautions, right? | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Damn them. | ||
| Like, fuck those torpedoes. | ||
| To dismiss the risk of a dangerous action. | ||
| And so I got that award because I did that. | ||
| I looked at Tom and I was like, yeah, I don't mind being a guinea pig. | ||
| I was like, fuck it. | ||
| If it's fun, I'll do it. | ||
| And then halfway through, I put up a video and Tom goes, oh, this is so you. | ||
| He was like, this might be more you than theaters. | ||
| Like, because we'd get there, Dave Williamson would start smoking a fucking... | ||
| Remember I hit you up in San Antonio? | ||
| I was like, we got an A5 Wagyu brisket. | ||
| Dave would wake up. | ||
| We'd get pulling the bus. | ||
| Dave would put on a brisket. | ||
| We'd start barbecuing. | ||
| We'd wake up. | ||
| Who's Dave? | ||
| Dave Williamson. | ||
| Fantastic comic and an amazing barbecue. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He's got a podcast called Meet Dave, and he knows more about barbecue. | ||
|
unidentified
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M-E-A-T? M-E-A-T. M-E-A-T. Meet Dave. | |
| And he is... | ||
| I mean, I could not say enough about him. | ||
| So it's like a barbecue slash comedy podcast? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a genius idea. | ||
| It's a genius idea, and he's a genius barbecuer. | ||
| Where does he live? | ||
| He lives in El Segundo. | ||
| During the pandemic, what he'd do is he'd go in and he'd get a bunch of ribs. | ||
| He's a big smoker. | ||
| Get a bunch of ribs, a bunch of briskets. | ||
| Send out a mass email to all his neighbors. | ||
| Go put in your orders. | ||
| They'll be here. | ||
| Drop off whatever you want to give me. | ||
| People would put in a rack of ribs, 20 bucks. | ||
| Dave would make enough to barbecue for himself, feed the family, make a little beer money. | ||
| He loves it, and he loves it. | ||
| He's passionate about it. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| The way you're passionate about so many different things, but when you find something, you just immerse yourself in it. | ||
| Dave was like that with barbecue. | ||
| He got into it, and now whenever we tour, the top barbecue in the area, this whole summer, would drop off huge trays for us, because they know Dave's into barbecue. | ||
| Oh, that's amazing. | ||
| What does he bring to travel to cook with? | ||
| Well, we have a RecTech Travel Smoker. | ||
| It's about this big, it fits on our bus, and we burn that thing inside and out. | ||
| It's a pellet grill? | ||
| Pellet grill. | ||
| About this big. | ||
| We put salmon on it. | ||
| He'll do a rub on the salmon. | ||
| He feeds us like kings. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he's a good comic? | ||
| He's a fantastic comic. | ||
| What a great fucking thing to have. | ||
| There's Dave. | ||
|
unidentified
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There he is. | |
| Look at him. | ||
| Dave opened with me and Mark. | ||
| He was with me and Mark Norman in Red Rocks. | ||
| Look at his shirt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that thing? | ||
| Oh, it's a barbecue, one of them chimneys. | ||
| Oh, so he's doing it traditional style, too. | ||
| Oh, he does it everywhere. | ||
| He's got a green egg. | ||
| So he's just all about the barbecue. | ||
| He's got his own rub. | ||
| Oh, he's got his own rubs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ, Dave. | ||
| Go to his Instagram, everyone. | ||
| It's DaveWComedy, and you can follow him, and he puts barbecue content up all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| He's got his own rub, and he is an amazing comic. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pretty fucking bad. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| He's got his own little fucking thing on his little truck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's the best, man. | ||
| He's like the reason. | ||
| I can tour with him because he's the easiest guy to get along with. | ||
| He gets a joke. | ||
| Like one night we were drinking. | ||
| We were driving down the road and he was in the shower and I just took all my clothes off and got in with him and started yelling, party shower! | ||
| And he'd coach his water polo. | ||
| He was like, that was problematic for my kids. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| They follow your Instagram. | ||
| But yeah, man, that was our summer. | ||
| We'd barbecue. | ||
| We'd party. | ||
| And Tommy's like, this is so you. | ||
| He did the Rose Bowl with me. | ||
| We did the Rose Bowl together. | ||
| Sold it out. | ||
| Huge venue. | ||
| Sun sets over the mountains. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Tom's like, this is fucking awesome. | ||
| Did you do any testing at all when you were doing this? | ||
| So this was like when testing wasn't super available. | ||
| So we would test in LA and then all get on the bus and then that remained our bubble the entire tour. | ||
| So we would have zero contact with everyone and then We really stepped it up because the first time we came in and then we all quarantined in the bus for like five days at my new house. | ||
| Just sat there in a bus. | ||
| And then I was like, fuck that. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| I'm not making money on this tour. | ||
| I'm not making a ton of money on this tour. | ||
| I was like, let's get us a house in Sedona. | ||
| And let's quarantine in Sedona for five days. | ||
| That way we know we're clean and then drive into LA. And then we get tested in Salt Lake City or wherever it was there. | ||
| We get tested and drive in. | ||
| And it was the best summer, it was the best experience I've ever had, comedy-wise. | ||
| Until Red Rocks, but but it was like it was just awesome was fun and people were appreciative and Then and then couple that with the fact that I'm business partners with one of the most fucking brilliant men in the world Tom Segura And we start doing our live gigs those two bears live. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, and it was like I'd come home I do a live gig with him get blackout drunk tether our dicks together with electrodes shock each other's dicks guys did that Joe So we go to a dominatrix for one of our live gigs, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I heard about that, but I didn't hear the whole story. | ||
| So we go in, and I'm 100% game the second we get there. | ||
| I'm like, really game? | ||
| Tom's a little hesitant. | ||
| And so I open up a bottle of whiskey. | ||
| I go, why don't we start drinking and loosen up? | ||
| A couple buffalo traces later, Tom and I are in our underwear. | ||
| We're staring at each other, and this woman's like, so I can tether your dicks together and shock them. | ||
| I'm like, we're in. | ||
| Tom's like, I don't think this is a good idea. | ||
| Yeah, it's a bad idea. | ||
| I go, we should do it, Tom. | ||
| It'll be great for the live show. | ||
| I don't like that word with dicks. | ||
| Because what happens if someone falls? | ||
| Like, how are you tethered? | ||
| We're standing face to face. | ||
| Right, what if something goes wrong? | ||
| Like, what if your dick gets ripped off because Tom falls back? | ||
| He's not a small person. | ||
| We didn't think this through entirely. | ||
| I'm not going to lie to you. | ||
| Standing each other, we have these cock rings on our cocks. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| Electrode's going to two different controllers and she's just cranking us up. | ||
| Like dog collar type controllers or Taser? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because like dog collar hurts, but Taser incapacitates you. | ||
| That's what I'm worried about. | ||
| No. | ||
| I think it was much more like the TENS machine. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So it was just electric. | ||
| Tens. | ||
| Yeah, so like you go to the therapist and you need muscle problems. | ||
| So she'd hit our cocks, just and then back and forth, and we're crying laughing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What if you came? | |
| What if you just like a fucking rocket ship? | ||
| So we get done and she looks at us and she goes, all right, that's as high as they go. | ||
| I'm like, cool. | ||
| She's like, all right, you guys want me to make you guys come? | ||
| And Tom and I are looking at each other and we're like, No? | ||
| And then she goes... | ||
| Look at you two. | ||
| We had so much... | ||
|
unidentified
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Boy, he's hairy. | |
| What a hairy fella. | ||
| Very hairy. | ||
| Like a gorilla. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| This is back when he had two good arms. | ||
| And you guys are chained up while this is happening? | ||
| Chained up. | ||
| So when she said, make you come, how was she going to do that? | ||
| That's what we asked next. | ||
| We're like, so how would that happen? | ||
| She goes, ah, take you guys out in the other room, take a vibrator, put it in your cock, and you guys would just blow a load. | ||
| And we were like... | ||
| A vibrator, put it in your cock. | ||
| Put it on your cock. | ||
| A vibrator on your cock. | ||
| A vibrator on your cock until you guys come. | ||
| And both Tom and I are like... | ||
| Can you show us where you'd put it on our cocks? | ||
| Because we'll find the vibrator and do it to ourselves later. | ||
| And she was just like, ah, don't worry about it. | ||
| And then the best part is we get done, right? | ||
| We're done. | ||
| And this other dominatrix comes in. | ||
| Looks like this is like a fucking trap house for dominatrix. | ||
| You rent a trap house? | ||
| Yeah, so these dominatrix just rent a room in this house and then come in, torture a dude, and then bail. | ||
| It's like a nail salon, right? | ||
| Or like a hair salon. | ||
| Like a pop-up. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, like a pop-up for a restaurant. | ||
| So between me and Tom, I always get recognized because I'm so loud. | ||
| Tom never is the one that gets recognized. | ||
| It's always between me and it's always me. | ||
| So this girl walks in and she lights up hot as fuck. | ||
| She goes, Tom Segura! | ||
| And he's like, hey! | ||
| She was like, what are you doing here? | ||
| And he's like, oh, we're just shooting a thing for my live event. | ||
| She's like, I'm the biggest fan. | ||
| And he's like, oh, really? | ||
| And she's like, oh, my God. | ||
| Wait, can I do some stuff with you? | ||
| And he's like, well, we're all done. | ||
| She's like, oh, my God. | ||
| Would it be too much to ask if I get a picture? | ||
| And he goes, sure. | ||
| And he's like, anyone else? | ||
| Do you want to get a picture with anyone else in the room? | ||
| She looks at me and she's like, nah, just you. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| Looks at me, gives me a wink. | ||
| They go over and she goes, all right, get on your knees, bitch. | ||
| And he's like, huh? | ||
| She's like, get on your fucking knees. | ||
| So Tom gets on his knees and gets a picture with a Dominator. | ||
|
unidentified
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Get on your knees, bitch. | |
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| Get on your knees, bitch. | ||
| And Tom, just because we were such in a dom mood, we'd been dominated all day, he just got on his knees and took the picture. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Dude, I miss him not living in LA. I miss you not living in LA. Come on about here, bitch. | ||
| It's a better place to live. | ||
| It's so nice out here, dude. | ||
| I'm telling you, I'm never going back. | ||
| I went back. | ||
| I did The Forum, and I did Sacramento. | ||
| Had a great fucking time. | ||
| But when I went back, I was like, Jesus Christ, the traffic, and everyone feels like they're a prisoner. | ||
| People have anxiety. | ||
| Everyone has anxiety in L.A. You don't realize it until you get out of there. | ||
| I just think that there's a thing that happens when you're around large groups of people. | ||
| There's a lot of excitement, like when you visit New York City. | ||
| It's great if New York City's popping like three years ago. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| But now it's sketching, right? | ||
| So there's a certain amount of energy, because there's a lot of people, but there's a certain amount of anxiety that comes with just being overwhelmed by population, by just large numbers. | ||
| That goes away out here. | ||
| The thing about living here, there's a million people in the city. | ||
| It's like, huh. | ||
| It goes away. | ||
| Everyone's friendly. | ||
| They're all nice. | ||
| Tom, we went to that soccer game last night and it was like, I was like, oh shit, I'm not having like panic attacks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, that's a lot of it. | ||
| A lot of it is just population. | ||
| When I built that apocalypse truck, that land cruiser that I got, I built it because I was telling my wife, I was like, if some shit goes down, we gotta be able to get the fuck out of here, like legitimately. | ||
| Like I need a big tank of gas and we gotta have money and we gotta have guns. | ||
| And she was like, this is such a ridiculous idea. | ||
| Then the pandemic hit. | ||
| And she saw the lines in front of gun stores, and she saw people freaking out, and then everyone was hoarding food and toilet paper. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, this is what I'm telling you. | ||
| I saw this. | ||
| I didn't see this, but I saw if shit goes south, no one's ready. | ||
| No one's ready. | ||
| And this is not a good place to be because there's no resources here. | ||
| There's no food. | ||
| There's no real water. | ||
| The water's in the ocean or reservoirs, and they'll dry up. | ||
| They have to get the water from somewhere else. | ||
| It doesn't rain there. | ||
| It's not a good place to live. | ||
| When the pandemic hit, I've always been a little bit of a conspiracy thinker and a little bit of a catastrophe thinker. | ||
| I always think of catastrophe. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| My tongue's not working right. | ||
| It's not working right. | ||
| You need to get drunker. | ||
| I'll try. | ||
| You want another one? | ||
| I'll just kill this one. | ||
| Bring that bitch over here. | ||
| I got guns. | ||
| I got food. | ||
| How many guns do you get? | ||
| I was told not to tell anyone. | ||
| Oh, why? | ||
| Because I was telling everyone how many guns I had and where I kept them. | ||
| Oh, yeah, don't do that. | ||
| I did that on my special. | ||
| Yeah, don't do that. | ||
| I got guns. | ||
| I went to tactical. | ||
| He taught me how to use them. | ||
| I can barely say his fucking name. | ||
| He taught me how to use them. | ||
| I felt competent. | ||
| Isn't it great going there? | ||
| It's the best thing in the world. | ||
| And by the way, I've got to give a shout out to Taren, because when the pandemic hit, Reese's out. | ||
| Is there anything you need any help with? | ||
| Yeah, he's a good guy. | ||
| Fucking solid dude. | ||
| He's a good guy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He's literally one of the best gun instructors in the world. | ||
| He taught Keanu Reeves how to shoot for John Wick, taught Halle Berry, teaches everybody. | ||
| How many different people went there? | ||
| Tons, tons of people. | ||
| But I had guns and I also had, I stockpiled meat in our outdoor freezer. | ||
| Ah, that's a good move. | ||
| And then I did your podcast and you were like, hey man, how are you on meat? | ||
| And I was like, I'm okay. | ||
| You're like, you want 10 pounds of elk? | ||
| And I was like, I'll take it. | ||
| And we've, and Leanne came up and apologized. | ||
| She was like, I didn't even think about it. | ||
| I always have a stack of cash to, we can roll with. | ||
| She's like, I thought you were crazy. | ||
| She was like, we got all this meat. | ||
| We got all this food. | ||
| We got guns. | ||
| I feel safe as fucking shit in this house. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, sometimes it's okay to have anxiety and just so you're ready for bad shit. | ||
| You just have to be prepared for the worst. | ||
| It doesn't mean that you have to think that everybody's evil. | ||
| It doesn't mean you can't be kind and friendly. | ||
| You could be all those things, but be ready. | ||
| But you also have to be charitable. | ||
| Like one of the biggest resources When shit goes south is other people. | ||
| People hoard, right? | ||
| They want to hoard, they want it all for themselves. | ||
| The problem with that is the same problem with, we all know certain people that when they become successful, they're very lonely. | ||
| Because they don't want anyone else to be successful. | ||
| They want it all about them. | ||
| Those people, they get real lonely. | ||
| Because they have no peers. | ||
| And so the only time they have friendships are these superficial friendships like they have to go to like red carpet events and weird events where there's other celebrities and they interact with those people in these real superficial ways and those are literally like some of their only social interactions with people. | ||
| So they don't have any real moments where they have, like, real friends where they could tell about their failures or their anxieties or their fears or their insecurities. | ||
| Like, shit that you and I can talk about easy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't have that. | ||
| They don't have these kind of friendships. | ||
| That's a terrible place to be. | ||
| And when the shit goes south, like, if there's any kind of a pandemic or anything, the best thing you can have is a good crew of humans that you can count on. | ||
| You can count on them. | ||
| They can count on you. | ||
| Where, you know... | ||
| If you have five people and they all know how to get food and maybe someone's got chickens or someone has a fucking well at their house, you can help each other. | ||
| You can help each other. | ||
| That's what a tribe's all about. | ||
| These motherfuckers that... | ||
| They're only thinking about themselves. | ||
| When it goes bad, it goes real bad for them. | ||
| And those are the ones that you're seeing on Twitter that are freaking the fuck out all the time and yelling at people about random shit and just shaming people and calling people out. | ||
| Like, for what? | ||
| What's helping with this? | ||
| You're not helping anything. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense to me, the person that finds the joy in that. | ||
| It's no joy. | ||
| They just don't have any discipline or self-control or any sort of introspective understanding. | ||
| They don't have an understanding of how they interact with other people. | ||
| They're just doing it because they're scared. | ||
| And this pandemic brought so much of that out. | ||
| Because there's so many people out there that haven't experienced any sort of real adversity in their life. | ||
| You know they've had like... | ||
| Difficulties in their career and trying to get ahead but like real fucking hardcore adversity. | ||
| They've run away from that and they've sought comfort. | ||
| So whenever anything goes south, those people are the first ones to yell. | ||
| They're the first ones to try to find some enemy or try to find some scapegoat or some reason for why they're so scared or someone who's not following the rules or doing what they want you to do and wear two masks and all those motherfuckers. | ||
| Oh, I got videotaped by some lady. | ||
| Like, right at the beginning of the pandemic, we're walking the dogs, me and the girls, and I just assumed if you're outside, you don't have to wear a mask. | ||
| You shouldn't. | ||
| You shouldn't have to wear a mask outside. | ||
| But I had like a neck gait around my wrist, in case something happened, we got in contact with someone, and she's videotaping. | ||
| She's either videotaping or she's on a FaceTime call, or whatever. | ||
| But she's got her phone out, mask on. | ||
| And then lights up me and my daughters and our dogs, and she goes, and there's another one! | ||
| And I know the camera's on me. | ||
| I know this is how people get in trouble. | ||
| And I just yell out, you're a cunt! | ||
| And I just kept walking. | ||
| My daughters are like, they're like, Dad, you can't do that. | ||
| And I was like, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Like, that's not... | ||
| And I know the mental health. | ||
| I mean, I know that I'm back in therapy because even for me, and I'm a pretty level-headed dude, this pandemic, it fucks with your head. | ||
| It fucks with your head. | ||
| You don't go out in public for 17 months, and then all of a sudden, they're like, oh, just so you know, everything's up. | ||
| Go to the Denver airport. | ||
| And you're like, huh? | ||
| It doesn't just fuck with your head. | ||
| The problem is there's tears to this shit. | ||
| And the idea that this is over is nonsense. | ||
| This is not over. | ||
| This is just beginning. | ||
| This pandemic thing is just beginning. | ||
| We're gonna have to figure out a way to deal with this kind of stress in a better way. | ||
| Because I don't think this is going away. | ||
| And I think this is gonna get worse. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Is this our new normal then? | ||
| I think our new normal is similar to this, but it might be worse. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| Oh, that's not what I want to hear. | ||
| Because the FDA backed off the boosters. | ||
| They say we're not going to have boosters. | ||
| But the FDA said that. | ||
| For real? | ||
| Yeah, two people resigned because they didn't see any science in the boosters. | ||
| I had my money on that Johnson& Johnson booster. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Well, the Johnson& Johnson booster, when you do get it, within two months they said it's 94% effective against COVID. The problem is variants. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would be... | ||
| I'm so... | ||
| Obviously, it's no one's fault that they don't know what to do. | ||
| Like, I remember the mask, no mask thing at the very beginning. | ||
| And they're like, masks aren't helpful. | ||
| Okay, masks are helpful. | ||
| I understand the whole, you gotta figure out what you're doing. | ||
| We're not gonna know until five years from now what we did right and what we did wrong. | ||
| But I'm just... | ||
| It bums me out. | ||
| Because, you know, I look at my daughters, and I know you probably look at your daughters, and my daughters spent junior and freshman year not in school. | ||
| Locked up. | ||
| Locked up. | ||
| I look at my buddy's son, now going to school over at Emerson, his senior year of high school, it was in a house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And with his parents. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| And that's not good for a child's brain. | ||
| And look, my brain is already fucking broken. | ||
| I've done everything I can to it. | ||
| Dude, I think it's even worse for babies. | ||
| I think for little kids, it's the worst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For little two-year-olds and three-year-olds, like their whole life, they've worn masks. | ||
| It doesn't even make sense because to them- And they don't even think about it. | ||
| They don't even think about it. | ||
| They just put them on and they just go. | ||
| Or they don't and then they get kicked off airplanes crying. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You haven't seen the videos of people getting kicked off airplanes because their two-year-old won't keep a mask on their face? | ||
| You haven't seen that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, it's the saddest shit of all time. | ||
| My two-year-olds would have never put a mask on their face. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| They're crying, crying. | ||
| Because they can't fucking breathe right. | ||
| And it just feels uncomfortable. | ||
| And not only that, it doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Like, what we really need to do is figure out how to test. | ||
| And test quickly and safely. | ||
| There was a test that they were talking about. | ||
| And I don't know what ever came of this, but it was a saliva-based test that they were going to have where you just lick something and you would get a result within 30 seconds. | ||
| I remember someone telling me about this. | ||
| I can't remember who told me about this, but it was a person who understands and knows. | ||
| And I don't know if it wasn't effective, I don't know what the reason why we didn't get that, but that would have been the shit. | ||
| Like, so you get on a plane, everybody licks this fucking thing, you find out if you have it, and then everybody who has it, you get sent home, and everybody who doesn't have it gets on the plane. | ||
| Instead, what are we doing? | ||
| We're sitting right next to each other pretending that this little paper thing or a bandana is protecting you from the air that we're all breathing? | ||
| Who the fuck got kicked off a plane where they went into the cockpit and they filmed the pilot and the pilot didn't have a mask on? | ||
| Cody Garbrandt, that's right. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Cody No Love? | ||
| Yeah, from the UFC. Yeah, Cody No Love, yeah. | ||
| Former Bantamweight Champion. | ||
| He went into the fucking cockpit. | ||
| It was because of his baby, too. | ||
| It was the same deal. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| I think he streamed it or I saw that on Instagram. | ||
| Yeah, he walked into the fucking cockpit and he filmed the pilots with no masks on. | ||
| He's like, we're all breathing the same air. | ||
| What the fuck is going on here? | ||
| This is so ridiculous. | ||
| But I was under the impression, and I don't have kids that young anymore, but I was under the impression that there was like an age where you didn't have to wear a mask. | ||
| There should be. | ||
| But the problem is if that kid has COVID. The thing about COVID is if a three-year-old has COVID, it's not... | ||
| I shouldn't say it's not dangerous to them. | ||
| But statistically, it's not nearly as dangerous as the flu. | ||
| And we're not testing any kids for the flu. | ||
| We're letting kids on flights all the time that have the flu. | ||
| The problem is the flu is not nearly as deadly for older people. | ||
| I don't mean like old people. | ||
| I mean people like in their 30s and 40s, right? | ||
| The COVID, for whatever reason, is more dangerous when you're in your 40s and 50s and what have you than the flu is, statistically. | ||
| Not by a giant amount, but by a significant amount where you can measure it. | ||
| But for kids, it's not. | ||
| For kids, they could have it and they could spread it. | ||
| And they don't even get sick, for the most part. | ||
| Some kids do, especially kids with comorbidities, right? | ||
| But my kids both got COVID, and it was way less than any serious cold they've ever had. | ||
| When did your kids get it early? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When my daughter was 12, she got it. | ||
| And she had a headache for a day. | ||
| And then my other daughter, this is my one that works out all the time, and she's very fit. | ||
| And then my other daughter, and she's not like she's not fit. | ||
| She had it, but she was younger, and she was sick for like two days. | ||
| But she didn't feel good. | ||
| She legitimately didn't feel good. | ||
| The other one was laughing when she found out she had COVID, because she got to stay home from school. | ||
| She thought it was funny. | ||
| She's wild, though. | ||
| She's a wild kid. | ||
| You get one of those and then you get... | ||
| You know how they are. | ||
| You're a parent. | ||
| I just spent time with Tom's fucking kids. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Have you met Tom's kids? | ||
| No, he told me hilarious shit about his kid calling him Tom. | ||
| Oh, yesterday, Joe, I come in, I get off the plane, get on the couch. | ||
| Tom takes a shit. | ||
| I play with his kids for a little bit. | ||
| And his oldest, Ellis, comes in. | ||
| Christina shows up. | ||
| Tom's there. | ||
| His oldest comes in. | ||
| He goes, hey, Bert, I got you a cup of water. | ||
| And I go, oh, thanks, buddy. | ||
| I was on a plane all day. | ||
| And Tom goes, hold on, hold on. | ||
| Ellis, where did you get that from? | ||
| And he goes, the sink. | ||
| And he goes, Ellis, you can't reach the sink. | ||
| Did you get that from the toilet? | ||
| And he goes, no. | ||
| And I go, did you just get a cup of water from the toilet? | ||
| And he goes, no. | ||
| Dead serious, no. | ||
| I go, take a sip of this water. | ||
| And he goes, no. | ||
| I go, sip my water before I get it. | ||
| And he goes, no. | ||
| I go, where did you get this water? | ||
| He goes, Tom knows he got it. | ||
| And this kid is straight fucking face. | ||
| And he goes, take a sip, Bert, take a sip. | ||
| And I go, no, I'm not taking a sip of your fucking water. | ||
| I go, you take a sip. | ||
| He goes, I'm not taking a sip, you take a sip. | ||
| And then Tom goes in and he goes, don't touch the water, it's from the fucking toilet! | ||
| There was a water trail from the toilet to the fucking couch! | ||
| And he goes, Alice, did you get that from the fucking toilet? | ||
| And he goes, I did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he just walked out of the room. | |
| I looked at Tom, I was like, please take me to my room. | ||
| I'm gonna lock my fucking doors. | ||
| The kid just wanted to get you to drink toilet water! | ||
| He goes, and from the fucking toilet! | ||
| But Joe, he played it like he was on Impractical Jokers. | ||
| I mean, it's like, strange things. | ||
| Well, I'm learning growing up with Tom and Christina. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Two top shelf comics as your parents. | ||
| I walked in their house yesterday. | ||
| I walked in their house. | ||
| Ellis comes up. | ||
| Dad, you just call us fuckers. | ||
| And then I go, what? | ||
| Tom comes around the corner. | ||
| He goes, they painted the goddamn fucking walls. | ||
| They painted my fucking walls. | ||
| And I'm like, holy shit. | ||
| I'm like, I'm home, guys. | ||
| Uncle Bert's here. | ||
| I go, Ellis, you ever have gum? | ||
| And he goes, no. | ||
| And I go, ah. | ||
| And Tom goes, get the fucking gum away from him. | ||
| He's not allowed to have gum. | ||
| What's that kid gonna be like when he's 15? | ||
| He is going to be fucking hilarious. | ||
| This kid, I had more fun with this kid. | ||
| Him and his youngest brother is the sweetest goddamn thing in the world. | ||
| This kid just pulls me aside, just wants to connect with you. | ||
| He's like, I'm gonna wash dishes before mommy gets home. | ||
| You wanna wash dishes? | ||
| And I'm like... | ||
| Yeah, let's wash dishes. | ||
| And then I say to them, I go, hey, did you guys ever meet the dog that lives underneath your sink? | ||
| And they're like, there's a dog under our sink? | ||
| I go, yeah, when you put food in there, there's a dog that your parents never showed you the dog? | ||
| And they go, no. | ||
| So I go, hey, hey, come here, buddy! | ||
| And I hit the garbage disposal. | ||
| And they're like, there's a dog under there? | ||
| And then Christina just comes over and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! | ||
| We don't try to pet the dog. | ||
| Bert, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And I was like, huh? | ||
| She's like, you just taught him how to use a garbage disposal? | ||
| And they're going to put their hand down. | ||
| I was like, okay, my bad. | ||
| Send me to my room. | ||
| Send me to my room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's been fun staying with Tommy. | ||
| I'm going to enjoy this entire fucking month. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| I'm here every fucking Monday, Tuesday, every fucking... | ||
| Him having kids, him and Christina having kids, is really like a science project. | ||
| Like, what is it like with parents who love fucking with each other and fucking with everybody else and laughing about anything, including people getting badly injured? | ||
| Like, what is it like growing up with them? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| And meanwhile, they both fall and break their legs. | ||
| Both of them. | ||
| There's a part... | ||
| Same time! | ||
| They both have broken legs in the house at the same time. | ||
| Like, one recovers, the other one breaks their leg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a thing I won't talk about. | ||
| It's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my goddamn life. | ||
| Why can't you talk about it? | ||
| Because it's his. | ||
| I want him to use it as a bit. | ||
| I told him last time. | ||
| Sometimes when you're with... | ||
| Sometimes, and he did this for me with my girls, he's like, this is funny as shit. | ||
| But you're so in the weeds with your kids that you're like, huh? | ||
| Right, you can't see it. | ||
| And so he takes me downstairs and shows me his kids' room. | ||
| And I go, are you fucking kidding? | ||
| And he goes, what? | ||
| I go, this is the thing? | ||
| And he goes, huh? | ||
| I go, is this a bit? | ||
| And he goes, no. | ||
| It's not funny at all. | ||
| We can't. | ||
| And I go, Tom, it's gotta be a bit. | ||
| It's gotta be a bit. | ||
| And he goes, oh yeah, that is pretty funny. | ||
| But it's like that's the way things work when you have kids. | ||
| Does he have to do with smearing shit on the walls or anything? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it's just good. | ||
| It's just good. | ||
| And he'll figure it out on stage, and then everyone will go, oh, that's the thing Burt was... | ||
| It's just funny watching two guys who I knew when they were broke. | ||
| I mean, piss broke. | ||
| Well, she's a girl, so you rude fuck. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| You misgendered her. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Two guys. | ||
| Two people. | ||
| Humans. | ||
| Two human beings that I've loved for a very long time who used to come to me when they were so broke, they would come to my house to eat because they didn't have money. | ||
| And I was headlining for like $2,000 a week, maybe hitting bonuses. | ||
| And they'd come over all the time and eat. | ||
| And they knew my kids intimately. | ||
| They knew my kids very, very, very well. | ||
| Uncle Buns and Push. | ||
| And they knew my family intimately. | ||
| And I said to Leanne, I was like, hey, I'm flying down to Austin every week in October. | ||
| And I said, you gotta come down. | ||
| You gotta meet these fucking kids. | ||
| And I was like, they know our kids so well. | ||
| So well. | ||
| I mean, my daughters still call them buns. | ||
| And I go, you gotta meet his kids. | ||
| It's like, it sucks that he's down here and that we won't be a part of his family the way we were. | ||
| I mean, because when Tommy fell and hurt himself, It was like, it was a no-brainer. | ||
| I called Leanne, I said, hey, they need us. | ||
| And we just went, and we went to his house that night, stayed until like one in the morning after the fall. | ||
| I can't believe he slept on the couch with a broken arm after leaving one hospital and going to another one. | ||
| I mean, that's crazy. | ||
| I don't think he was, and I say this, and obviously Tom can say whatever he wants to say, but I don't think he was in his right state of mind. | ||
| He couldn't be. | ||
| I think he was a little out of it. | ||
| Just from the trauma, the shock. | ||
| Yeah, that affected me pretty deeply, that whole thing. | ||
| Because, you know... | ||
| Because you moved his arm. | ||
| You probably fucked him up. | ||
| Listen, I fucking saved his goddamn life. | ||
| You might have. | ||
| I might have. | ||
| You might have fucked his arm up, too. | ||
| I might not have, or I might have. | ||
| Might have. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| It's hard to tell, but, you know, doctors are doing everything they can do. | ||
| Listen, I love him to death. | ||
| And I had surgery on my arm, too. | ||
| If there's karma, I got the fucking surgery, too. | ||
| Well, you had a minor surgery in comparison. | ||
| Oh, I had a very major surgery compared to what Tom had. | ||
| You were on stage with like a robot arm on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tom had, what, a seven-hour surgery? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mine was 30 minutes. | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| Just reattach your tricep tendon? | ||
| Yeah, reattach my tricep tendon. | ||
| But it didn't all tear, right? | ||
| Part of it was still attached? | ||
| 59% tore. | ||
| So you could have just let it go if you didn't want to flex your triceps. | ||
| Oh, come on, bro. | ||
| You didn't want to show everybody. | ||
| I'm in... | ||
| Do dips? | ||
| I was in physically the best shape I'd ever been in when I shot that movie. | ||
| Benching 235. Wow. | ||
| For me, that's a lot. | ||
| I was throwing up clean... | ||
| Shout out to Bert Soren, and shout out to you, obviously, and everyone at On It. | ||
| All the guys at On It helped hook me up with weights, and Bert hooked me up with a fucking rack. | ||
| Yeah, he's awesome. | ||
| He really is awesome. | ||
| And you hooked me up with Bert. | ||
| And so, all that, and I was loving it, and then I got hurt. | ||
| Remember that time we all bench pressed drunk as fuck at my studio? | ||
| Yeah, I tell people about that and they don't believe it. | ||
| I go, you know, we all tried to do 220, 225 is the two plates. | ||
| That's like a man's bench. | ||
| If you're listening to this for political reasons and you've never bench pressed, then you need to know that two plates, clink clink, is a man's bench. | ||
| If you do that, then you're a man. | ||
| And so me, Tom and Ari, it was right after Sober October ended. | ||
| We were hammered. | ||
| And we were like, let's see if I can always throw up 225. In my head, I can. | ||
| And I got pinned hard. | ||
| Ari got under, got pinned worse than any of us. | ||
| Tom got it off his chest and was trembling, but Tom lifts weights, but he had a hard time. | ||
| And then you go in and you throw up a pro football combine record of like 15, 17, 18. I remember telling someone that and they're like, Joe Rogan punches 220. I go, Joe Rogan works out for... | ||
| I remember all of us are like, all right, Joe, come on, let's go to dinner, man. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And you just... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck it. | |
| And then you get to dinner and you're like, I think I hurt myself. | ||
| I was like, something feels wrong in my peck. | ||
| But I was so drunk. | ||
| You know, when you're drunk and you're lifting weights, you ignore, like, twinges. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I was like, let's see how many reps we can get out of this. | ||
| I really think I only got to 13. I think I got to 13 and I stopped. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Well, that was a little bit... | ||
| There was something where I was like, this is probably... | ||
| I think you put it up at 15 and you were like, alright, I'm not going to do it anymore. | ||
| And we were all like, come on, 20 is like what a linebacker does. | ||
| Come on, Joe. | ||
| Benching is a way a lot of guys hurt their shoulders. | ||
| I was just talking to my buddy Cam Haynes. | ||
| He fucked his shoulder up benching too. | ||
| Whenever someone fucks their shoulder up, I go, were you benching? | ||
| There's something about benching. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I don't know what about that motion, but a lot of people tend to fuck their shoulders up doing that. | ||
| I don't bench anymore. | ||
| That's the crazy thing is then, I don't bench. | ||
| I didn't bench then. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't bench. | ||
| When I did that, when I banged out all those 225s, I don't bench. | ||
| I don't bench at all. | ||
| So what do you do in a workout? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kettlebells. | |
| Everything's kettlebells. | ||
| Everything's kettlebells. | ||
| That's all I do. | ||
| Dude, the video... | ||
| I don't even know what... | ||
| I barely remember things I've seen of Cam Haynes working out with David Goggins. | ||
| David Goggins is yelling, get him in the boat! | ||
| Who's gonna carry the boat?! | ||
| Who's gonna carry the boats?! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know what Cam told me? | ||
| Cam goes, what's crazy about Goggins is, as he gets tired, he gets more crazy, and then he pushes harder. | ||
| He goes, right when you think he's gonna be done, he starts yelling. | ||
| They don't know me, son! | ||
| They don't know me, son! | ||
| And he gets like an extra gear. | ||
| And he goes further. | ||
| That's a group of people I wish I had never. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there it is. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| Give me some volume on this. | ||
| David Coggins. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo, nobody works like David in this house! | |
| 13, come on! | ||
| 14, come on! | ||
|
unidentified
|
15, shut that muscle down! | |
| 16, come on! | ||
| Get it! | ||
| 17! | ||
| They don't know me, son! | ||
| 18! | ||
| They don't know me, son! | ||
| 19! | ||
| They don't know me, son! | ||
|
unidentified
|
20, you got some more! | |
| 21! | ||
| It's mental, I'm telling you. | ||
| His mind is bulletproof. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at his eyes. | |
| Look at his eyes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just like he reaches in... | |
| He reaches into his brain and he hits a switch and juice comes out, you know? | ||
| Like psycho juice comes out. | ||
| Dude, let me tell you something. | ||
| I had that fucking voice in my head at times. | ||
| Usually I'm drunk on a plane. | ||
| You should. | ||
| Who's going to carry the boats? | ||
| David Goggins, if you make a shirt that says, who's going to carry the boats, I will buy it. | ||
| He probably has one. | ||
| I was going to wear his sweatshirt today, but I walked outside and it was too warm. | ||
| I was going to wear it on the podcast today. | ||
| He's got David Goggins gear. | ||
| It's like a battle axe. | ||
| It's like the D and the G, they form a battle axe on his shirt. | ||
| Here's the thing that I'm obsessed with these days. | ||
| Like, look, you know I don't really follow MMA or UFC. I might watch it every now and then, but I don't know the things that you know. | ||
| But I know enough that, like, I hear you say shit like, oh, Brian Ortega's got sick jiu-jitsu, but it's a fundamental jiu-jitsu. | ||
| And some people shit on fundamental jiu-jitsu, but what you really need to know is that stuff is jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Like, I listen to you say that, and then I repeat it, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I don't know anything about hunting or Cam Haynes or David Goggins, but I'm fans of those motherfuckers, right? | ||
| Like, I'm a fan. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Jocko. | ||
| I don't think Jocko and I could last 15 minutes in a room and see eye to eye on anything. | ||
| Of course you would. | ||
| He would look at me and be like, this fucking sad saga shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| He wouldn't. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| But I'm a fan of that guy. | ||
| Listen to his audio book. | ||
| He wouldn't do that. | ||
| He's misunderstood. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Jocko's a leader. | ||
| Like, a real leader. | ||
| Like, if Jocko was running for president, I would 100% endorse him. | ||
| By the way, me too. | ||
| He's a leader, and what I mean by a leader is he's not a judgmental person. | ||
| He's not a person who looks down on people. | ||
| He endorses strength, and he endorses an honest approach to your life, and he endorses leadership. | ||
| I think that's where we'd lose... | ||
| I think he'd look at me and be like, this guy talks a lot of shit and doesn't follow it through. | ||
| But I'm telling you, he's not a judgmental person. | ||
| That's not how he is. | ||
| He just embodies leadership. | ||
| And either you get inspiration from the way he lives his life, or you don't. | ||
| But he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's not like a guy that's like, look at you. | ||
| Get your shit together. | ||
| Look at you with your sad life shit in your pants when you fart. | ||
| You fucking loser. | ||
| He's not that guy. | ||
| He's not that guy. | ||
| He's just a guy like, cool, roger that. | ||
| He's a badass dude. | ||
| He's as badass as any human being that's ever walked the face of the earth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jiu-jitsu, surfer, fucking dad. | |
| He's that guy. | ||
| Intimate. | ||
| I don't mean it that way, Jago. | ||
| I mean intimate. | ||
| You get to know him well. | ||
| He's as solid a human being as has ever walked the face of the earth. | ||
| I love that guy to death. | ||
| I just spent hunting camp with him. | ||
| Is that who you are? | ||
| I was just with him in Utah. | ||
| And Cam Haynes. | ||
| See, that's what I find really fascinating is when I see people, like you said, shitting on people online, trolling people, and talking shit, waiting for them to slip up to fuck with them. | ||
| I go, don't you have anyone in your life that you're not like, But you love, like, David Goggins, Cam Haynes, Jocko, fucking Nick Diaz, Nate Diaz, fucking Robbie Lawler, all these dudes, I don't know anything about them. | ||
| Like, I met a fucking Cowboys Roni. | ||
| Like, these guys, I'm a fan of them. | ||
| I follow them on Instagram, they post shit, and it makes me smile. | ||
| Yeah, those guys take life and they wring that bitch out until it's like a dry sponge. | ||
| Dude, and I... I draw energy from that. | ||
| Celebrating people that I'm not... | ||
| The other day, I was just allowed to start running again, right? | ||
| And I haven't been able to run since the surgery, the movement for your tricep. | ||
| I got on my treadmill, and I was walking at an incline. | ||
| This is what I was doing. | ||
| I was like, all right, I'm going to push it. | ||
| I'm going to push it a little bit. | ||
| So I go, my litmus for health is a seven-minute mile. | ||
| If I can run a seven-minute mile, I'm good, right? | ||
| So I do my first mile, and I do it at like 13.20. | ||
| It's like a 4.5. | ||
| It's not that fast. | ||
| But I'm like, I haven't really run in a while. | ||
| And then I do my next mile. | ||
| I'm like, let's see if I can do a 10-minute mile. | ||
| Like a 10-minute mile is pretty rough for the average health. | ||
| So I do a 10-minute mile. | ||
| I'm three miles in. | ||
| Incline, slow run, 10-minute mile. | ||
| And then I go, all right, let's fucking push it. | ||
| And I start hearing these motherf... | ||
| Who's going to carry the boats? | ||
| Man, and you know me well enough to know, like... | ||
| I'm not created like David Calkins, but you hear that in your fucking head. | ||
| It's fuel. | ||
| It's fuel! | ||
| And then I hear my fucking physical therapist going, just, you know, ruptured Achilles is a game changer. | ||
| And I'm like, maybe I should slow down. | ||
| Why, do you have a bad Achilles? | ||
| No, no, I don't. | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| But I just start hearing that after an injury. | ||
| Everything you hear is like, blown out patella is a game changer. | ||
| Ruptured femur is a game changer. | ||
| Yeah, they're all game changers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Achilles is supposed to be a rough one. | ||
| That's probably the biggest gift I've gotten from this podcast is those dudes. | ||
| Me too, I think. | ||
| You're very, you know, especially being around as early as I got to be on this podcast, to see the growth this podcast has had and the people that you've surrounded yourself with and brought in, it's like really cool to be a part of this community and know that those guys are like, like Cam Haines will, I don't know if this is real or not, sometimes I just drink and talk. | ||
| Like, he'll text, DM me or something, you know? | ||
| Oh, it's 100% real. | ||
| Like, I'll say something. | ||
| I don't remember if he knows who I am, but, like, I'll say something. | ||
| He knows who you are. | ||
| We've talked about you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah, he talked about me running a marathon. | ||
| Yeah, why would you say you don't know what's real? | ||
| I don't fucking remember what's real anymore. | ||
| Joe, I've told so many goddamn stories. | ||
| You've pickled your brain! | ||
| I told a story to my kids the other day, and my wife goes, I think that was Police Academy 3. I was like, what? | ||
| I was like, oh, yeah, we didn't all rent jet boats. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| But yeah, like it's been cool as shit, you know? | ||
| Especially, you know, I was thinking about this the other day. | ||
| I'm sitting in the hot tub. | ||
| Dude, you were on like episode 10 or some shit. | ||
| Like what episode of the podcast were you on, the first one? | ||
| Well, I was a fan. | ||
| I was a huge fan of the podcast first. | ||
| Tommy was on, like, episode three. | ||
| That's how I found the podcast. | ||
| Isla saw Uncle Tommy, Uncle Buns on the podcast, clicked on it, and there were snowflakes coming down on your faces. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And she's sitting on my computer watching JRE 3. Oh, my God. | ||
| And I go, what are you doing? | ||
| She's like, Uncle Buns. | ||
| And I was like, oh shit. | ||
| I was like, what is this? | ||
| And it was you guys answering questions. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's how we used to do it. | ||
| We used to answer questions off the little chat on Ustream. | ||
| Yeah, Tommy was like, he left and he talked to Redband. | ||
| He's like, what the fuck is he doing? | ||
| Like, why is he doing that in Redband? | ||
| I was like, I don't know. | ||
| Like, they all thought it was a waste of time! | ||
| Dude, by the way, not even like... | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| Episode 73. Number 73, Bert Kreischer. | ||
| So you were probably like, at this time, it was probably like a year in. | ||
| This was... | ||
| Because I don't think we were doing more than one a week back then. | ||
| If I had known how much this one event would change my life... | ||
| Right? | ||
| This one event. | ||
| Tom and I talk about paths a lot. | ||
| I don't want to put words in other people's mouths. | ||
| I talk about paths. | ||
| Tom and I talked about last night. | ||
| About certain paths you get on. | ||
| You don't know you get on those. | ||
| And I say to him, you know, Meeting Joe changed my life because I would never have... | ||
| I said this last night. | ||
| I would have never told the machine gun story on stage. | ||
| Never told it on stage. | ||
| I told it before. | ||
| I told it to you and you're like, that needs to be a stage story. | ||
| And I was like, it's not. | ||
| And I'd heard people say that before. | ||
| And you were like, no, that needs to be told on stage. | ||
| And I was like, I'm not going to tell it. | ||
| Had you not insisted and said to all the people listening... | ||
| This needs to be a stage where when he gets on stage, this man's only to be known as the machine from this point on. | ||
| And you chant it at his shows. | ||
| And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And to think that that one story I have milked like a closeted dairy farmer from the 1940s. | ||
| Dude, you just got done doing a major motion picture starring you. | ||
| The machine. | ||
| From a story I told on this podcast. | ||
| Isn't that wild? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It's wild, right? | ||
| Oh, it was so fucking surreal to think. | ||
| I had this event happen. | ||
| You want to know something really fucking crazy? | ||
| I got a phone call from my teacher the other day. | ||
| The teacher that got me into the Russian class that greenlit all those things. | ||
| She called me and she was like, you made a fucking... | ||
| I told her, she goes, you have a career off of this one fucking story? | ||
| That's exaggerating. | ||
| You have a career, period. | ||
| Just to have a career is enough in this business. | ||
| The one story is just like a couple of cylinders on your engine. | ||
| I'll tell you, man, I think about that all the time. | ||
| I tell Tommy, Charlie Murphy had wanted to go to dinner with Tom that night. | ||
| And he was walking with Charlie Murphy. | ||
| You guys were all doing that real men comedy tour. | ||
| And you stopped Tom and you said, hey man, you're really funny. | ||
| And Tom was like, in his head, he's like, I gotta leave. | ||
| But he ended up talking to you. | ||
| That one moment changed all of our lives. | ||
| Like mine and Tom's, at least. | ||
| It's because you guys became really close, started touring together, started doing the thing. | ||
| I hit up Tom. | ||
| I was like, you know, man, that podcast is awesome. | ||
| He's like, well, I'm friends with Joe. | ||
| And next thing you know, you hit me up, you're like, you should do the podcast. | ||
| Tell the machine story. | ||
| Next thing you know, I'm in Serbia, starring in a major motion picture on a story I told on a fucking podcast. | ||
| Dude, the life is awesome. | ||
| Cheers, my brother. | ||
| I'm like, I'm so fucking grateful. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I'm so grateful for friends like you guys. | ||
| Without friends like you guys, this is all boring. | ||
| It's gotta be fun. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| It's gotta be fun. | ||
| You gotta bring people along with you, and you're doing that too. | ||
| And Tom's doing that too. | ||
| Everybody's doing that. | ||
| That's the beautiful thing. | ||
| Everybody's doing the same thing. | ||
| Everybody's bringing people along with them and helping other people. | ||
| Sickler and all these other funny guys. | ||
| Sickler's podcast is fucking amazing. | ||
| Sickler's podcast is probably the best interviews I've ever heard. | ||
| He's a great guy, man. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| And Sickler, it comes through. | ||
| Like, what you see on the podcast, you see when you're hanging out with that dude. | ||
| He's just a genuine sweetheart of a person. | ||
| And we're all surrounded by people like that. | ||
| And it's so different than when... | ||
| We were talking about this today, and me and you kind of talked about it a little bit. | ||
| Back in the day when we started this business, there was such cattiness. | ||
| Such like, I'm going to go up in front of that guy, I'm going to blow him off stage. | ||
| And now to sit here and think, you know, people that I met, like guys like Ari have introduced you to like Shane Gillis or Mark Normand and Chris DiStefano, Giannis Pappas, and all these great fucking dudes that are all blowing up huge right now. | ||
| Come on my podcast, on Tom's podcast, your podcast. | ||
| And it's just such a shared experience. | ||
| And that was not how this started. | ||
| No, the business is, well, you know, I don't know why. | ||
| I mean, I know why. | ||
| The business used to be everyone was competing for us a small number of spots Like if you wanted to do young comedian special there was only five comedians or whatever it is You know HBO if you want to get an HBO special like you kind of had to be somebody and You know either you had to be on one of those Rodney specials or you had to be on something else like someone had to Get you into something and Rodney was a giant influence of me because he Found comics that he loved and he boosted them up and he helped them out and I always said I wanted | ||
| to do a Rodney type special with comics that I know that are really funny That aren't getting the love you know and do something like that whether I'd be willing to do that right now Whether it's on Netflix or Amazon or even maybe I'll put it together myself and do it on YouTube but that kind of thing is like I always remember thinking, like, how cool is Rodney Dangerfield? | ||
| That he let the world know about Bill Hicks and Dom Herrera and Sam Kinison and Lenny Clark and all these comics that I deeply admire. | ||
| And, you know, I just always felt like that's the guy I want to be. | ||
| I want to be the guy that, like, helps other comics and boosts them up. | ||
| But everybody was, like, competing for this small number of spots. | ||
| And the thing that happened with me... | ||
| Was I got insanely lucky. | ||
| I got insanely lucky. | ||
| Like, I mean, I did good on stage and everything, but there was people that were better than me. | ||
| I got lucky. | ||
| I got on MTV like fucking five years in a comedy or four years in a comedy. | ||
| It wasn't that long. | ||
| And then I got a deal and then all of a sudden I was on a sitcom. | ||
| So, I didn't have to work that hard. | ||
| Like, in a weird way. | ||
| I did road gigs, and I bombed, and I did colleges, and I traveled the country like everybody else, but it wasn't that long. | ||
| I was on TV six years in a comedy. | ||
| I was on news radio with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and Andy Dick and Maura Tierney and Vicki Lewis and Candy Alexander. | ||
| It was wild! | ||
| And Steven Root, who's like one of the greatest actors of all time. | ||
| It was madness! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, the idea that I was that lucky to be in this spot, You got like a master's degree in comedy. | |
| And you got a master's degree in all... | ||
| That was like... | ||
| Right, but here's the important thing. | ||
| I didn't feel desperate, like a lot of comics do, where their career's not going anywhere. | ||
| Like they're 10 years in, they're 15 years in, they're not going anywhere. | ||
| I was comfortable. | ||
| So I started helping people. | ||
| So I found guys like Joey Diaz or Duncan or Ari. | ||
| I was taking them on the road with me. | ||
| I'm like, let's go have fun together. | ||
| So it's like I got lucky that I had this position where I didn't have years of bitterness. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think that bitterness starts eating you up, and then you start... | ||
| It turns into, for lack of better words, like a cancer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And you can't see past it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what you focus on, and then it makes more of it. | ||
| And I gotta be very honest, is that I think I was in a very unique situation in that... | ||
| It was a good stand-up. | ||
| I got on Travel Channel for eight, nine years, whatever it was. | ||
| And then I was doing this podcast with you. | ||
| I would hop on the podcast and I did my podcast and And I started my podcast, and I'd do Joey's and Ari's, but at the same time, I had also failed as a comic. | ||
| You know, like I had kind of let comedy fall into the side. | ||
| You didn't fail, you just weren't paying attention to it. | ||
| You were doing the other stuff, because the other stuff was paying the bills, and you had a family. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it's not, you can't, like, shit on yourself for it. | ||
| But I remember there was a moment where I called you, And you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing, man? | ||
| And you're like, I'm on a fucking motorcycle! | ||
| I'm in Vietnam! | ||
| I'm driving around! | ||
| I'm running through rice paddies! | ||
| And I was like, well, that's pretty wild. | ||
| That's fun. | ||
| But I remember telling you, dude, you're a really, really fucking funny guy. | ||
| And I go, you would be a great stand-up comic. | ||
| You'd be like a really, truly great stand-up comic. | ||
| But you've got to concentrate on it. | ||
| You've got to bank on yourself. | ||
| This Travel Channel shit. | ||
| Because I remember they were like... | ||
| Sort of restricting the way you talked. | ||
| I couldn't smoke weed on this podcast. | ||
| Yes, you couldn't smoke weed. | ||
| You used to hide it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I used to hide it. | |
| When Red Band used to work the cameras, he would turn the camera away from you and you would take a hit of weed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We had to coordinate it. | ||
| I was careful about things I said about the occult. | ||
| There were certain things you couldn't say. | ||
| Is this you in Vietnam? | ||
| This is me in a fucking race boat. | ||
| That's TT right there. | ||
| That's my fixer, TT. Were you in Vietnam here? | ||
| I was in Vietnam, yeah. | ||
| It was terrifying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But the thing is, I feel like I had... | |
| It was like there was a light went off. | ||
| I was like, I gotta tell him to stop doing this. | ||
| Well, you and Bill Burr, who I love... | ||
| I love as well. | ||
| I'm saying this because it's going to sound like you guys are being shitty to me, but you weren't. | ||
| I walked in the back of the comedy store one time and you guys were both talking about it and you said, hey man, I remember I said something and both of you guys were like, hey man, your Travel Channel show sucks. | ||
| We love you. | ||
| You're just a better comic. | ||
| And you gotta focus on podcasting and focus on your stand-up. | ||
| I felt you were gonna become like one of those guys. | ||
| Well, and also I knew from my own personal experience, right? | ||
| Like I hosted Fear Factor for six years. | ||
| I know what that feels like to be stuck in this gig that's doing really well. | ||
| I say stuck in this gig. | ||
| That's a terrible thing to say because it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, Fear Factor. | ||
| Because it gave me fuck you money. | ||
| And fuck you money gave me this thing where I could be like, okay, I can relax. | ||
| I like nice things, but I don't need them. | ||
| You know what I need? | ||
| I need food and shelter. | ||
| And I have that now, literally for the rest of my life. | ||
| I just put some money away, and then I'm like, now I just want to live the way I want to live. | ||
| I want to do what I want to do. | ||
| And so when I saw you doing that Travel Channel shit, I was like, Burt Kreischer is too funny for this. | ||
| You're too funny to be constricted. | ||
| You're funny when you're wild. | ||
| You're funny when you get off stage, you take your fucking shirt off and you're hammered and you're free. | ||
| You can't be restricted and also be free. | ||
| It's literally not possible. | ||
| So you could live a tortured life where you make a good living, but you're not doing what you could have done. | ||
| And then all of a sudden one day you're 60. And you're looking back on your life and you're like, shit. | ||
| That could happen. | ||
| It could happen to any one of us. | ||
| It could happen to me. | ||
| It could happen to anyone, man. | ||
| You get stuck. | ||
| And sometimes you can't do anything about being stuck and you just gotta do what you gotta do in the moment and make a plan and bide your time and figure out a way to do what you're truly passionate about. | ||
| But people have obligations. | ||
| They have families. | ||
| They have bills. | ||
| They have people to take care of that they love. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| You gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| But I knew that for you, There was a way out. | ||
| And the way out was podcasting and stand-up. | ||
| And I knew that. | ||
| I knew that. | ||
| And I remember talking to you on the phone that day. | ||
| And I remember saying, I gotta say this. | ||
| I have to say this. | ||
| He's gotta get out. | ||
| You gotta get out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I knew they were fucking with you. | ||
| And I knew they were fucking. | ||
| I was friends at Bourdain, right? | ||
| So he was getting fucked with, too. | ||
| You know, they have very strict standards. | ||
| You know, that's their own business. | ||
| That's what they want. | ||
| They have a sort of a niche that they cater to, and they wanted people to fill that niche. | ||
| And anybody that stepped out of line, and anybody that was controversial, they didn't want anything to do with that. | ||
| And they wanted to restrict you, and they wanted to put you in this box. | ||
| But I knew you as this wild motherfucker that told that Tracy Morgan story. | ||
| I'm like, this is my friend who's this wild motherfucker, and they're turning him into a G movie. | ||
| You know, you're not a G, you're an R. And I'm like, this R is getting wasted on a G. I remember telling them, I said, they were like, what do you want to do with the rest of your, you know, for Travel Channel next? | ||
| And I said, I would love to do, you know, what Anthony Bourdain does. | ||
| I think I'm talented. | ||
| And they were like, and they just cut me off. | ||
| They're like, you, sir, are no Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| And I felt like saying, like, the way you said that, I think that would even offend Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I think Anthony would be bothered by that. | ||
| And I felt like going, everyone's, you gotta let everyone take their shot. | ||
| And then, luckily, I got fired. | ||
| And thank God. | ||
| And I know... | ||
| What's interesting is that, you know, when I got that award and I got on stage, my daughters were there, and they were like, you know, they give you the award and then they say, you gotta say a list of thank yous. | ||
| And I go through all my thank yous and they're all very heartfelt, sincere. | ||
| Everyone on my team, from top to bottom, UTA and EverLevity, all of them, I love them. | ||
| They've done everything for me. | ||
| But I got to a moment where I said, you know, I think I got very fucking lucky and I surrounded myself by comics that were way better than me. | ||
| And I named you guys. | ||
| I named all of you guys. | ||
| Tom, Joey, Burr, you, Ari, Dunk. | ||
| All these guys were just... | ||
| And there's a much bigger list. | ||
| I know I'm leaving people off, but like, I go, they were brutally honest with me, and they were my friends. | ||
| And that didn't happen 10 years ago. | ||
| No, 10 years ago, they'd go, quit that Travel Channel show, and it would mean, because it's good, and we don't want the competition. | ||
| You guys were saying it like, hey man, you got more talent than this. | ||
| Yeah, there's a certain bitterness that a lot of comics had, and I really think that it was... | ||
| I remember one time we were on the set of news radio, and we're on fucking TV, man. | ||
| I mean, we're living the dream. | ||
| We're on TV. And they were complaining about a show that was on another network, or that was on another time slot. | ||
| It was a really good time slot. | ||
| And we weren't on a good time slot. | ||
| We moved eight or nine times during the five years that we're on TV. And this is pre-internet, right? | ||
| So no one knew where the fuck you were. | ||
| You couldn't tweet, hey, everybody, tune in. | ||
| If Dave Foley had a million Twitter followers and he said, hey, we move to Sunday night at 8 o'clock, they'd be fine. | ||
| Because everybody would go, okay, news radio is Sunday night now. | ||
| And everybody would watch it. | ||
| This was 1990, whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| And you couldn't do that. | ||
| So we would move and no one would know. | ||
| And our ratings were terrible. | ||
| And they were all bitching that this show was on this and that show's on this and they got great shots. | ||
| And I was like, hey guys, last time I checked, we're on TV. We have a fucking sitcom. | ||
| How many people have sitcoms? | ||
| I'm like, we're living the fucking dream. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| They didn't want to hear it. | ||
| Their thought was, no, we could be Sex and the City. | ||
| You know, we could be The Single Guy or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| There was like these shows that, you know... | ||
| It's crazy what you think your high could be. | ||
| Like, mine would have been like, I mean, honestly, my high would have been be on Travel Channel for the rest of your life, sign a big deal. | ||
| And then I look back and I go, I'm so glad that I got fired. | ||
| And you think, going back to this Paths thing, You think that you're on the right path. | ||
| I was thinking this because, you know, my injury happened because I burned my leg really bad with ice. | ||
| I used to run the same loop, four-mile loop, every morning in Serbia before the movie. | ||
| And one day I felt bloated. | ||
| I'd been partying all night, and I was like, I'm going to run six miles today. | ||
| I'm going to run up to the U.S. Embassy and then run back. | ||
| And I hurt my leg. | ||
| I fucking pulled something to my calf, put ice on it, got second-degree burns on my leg from the ice because I put it directly on the skin. | ||
| And then because of that, the next day we're in the woods, I do my fall and I hurt my arm because I'm focused on my leg. | ||
| And I start thinking, I literally think I went on the wrong path. | ||
| I went the wrong direction. | ||
| And then my wife says, I don't know, maybe if you hadn't injured your arm, you wouldn't have done that promo video of you going under anesthesia, calling out Red Rocks for your surgery. | ||
| Maybe you wouldn't have sold the tickets. | ||
| And then you start going, oh, fuck. | ||
| And Tom goes, I think of this every fucking day. | ||
| Had I not injured myself, maybe I'd be a different person. | ||
| Maybe I wouldn't be as empathetic. | ||
| And then I think about Amanda Knox. | ||
| And we were just talking about this. | ||
| She spends four years in prison. | ||
| Possibly, and I listen to a lot of your episodes, possibly the most eloquent, well-spoken, interesting human beings I've ever heard on this show. | ||
| And you go, I hate to say this this way, but... | ||
| Did you need your path to get you to be this great person you are today? | ||
| Are these paths that you go through, the bad shit you go through, is that what you need to have to turn you into the person that you're gonna be? | ||
| Is every path the right path? | ||
| But it's an incredible challenge, and sometimes incredible challenges break people. | ||
| So it's like, why does it break some people, and why does it turn some people into an Amanda Knox, who's one of the most intelligent people I've ever talked to, and the most empathetic, non-judgmental, even to the guy who was the prosecutor, who was essentially trying to frame her for something she absolutely didn't commit. | ||
| If you look at the evidence, there's no fucking way that guy rationally, if he was given a set of circumstances, if he was given all the evidence that they knew eventually, in the beginning, There's no way he would have thought that Amanda Knox was guilty. | ||
| He decided early on that she was guilty and then was trying to confirm his initial suspicions. | ||
| So he was confirmation bias and he was essentially framing an innocent girl who was 20 years old. | ||
| And this is a guy with daughters. | ||
| In a different country. | ||
| In a different country that also has very sensational journalism. | ||
| I mean, they have, like, tabloid journalism is very prominent there, and it was a big deal. | ||
| Paparazzi's from there. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| She brought that up. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm just repeating her. | ||
| Yeah, they were calling her Foxy Noxy and... | ||
| You know, they were trying to pretend that she was this evil Satanist, and she was a fucking kid, man. | ||
| She was a 20-year-old kid. | ||
| She didn't know. | ||
| I mean, think about who you were when you were 20. You're a knucklehead. | ||
| You know, you don't know anything. | ||
| And all of a sudden, she's in fucking Italy for the first time, and this guy breaks into the house that she was living in when she wasn't there and kills her roommate. | ||
| And they concocted some crazy fake story. | ||
| Meanwhile, this girl does four years in jail. | ||
| The whole thing, the ordeal takes like eight years until she's completely exonerated. | ||
| And then after she's completely exonerated, she's one of the most fascinating, interesting people I've ever talked to because of the ordeal and because she came out of the other side like... | ||
| She's tempered. | ||
| She's like a fucking samurai sword, where you'd taken that sword and put it in the flames and hammered it over and over and folded it and put it through all this stress, dunked it in water and hammered it. | ||
| She's a fascinating, amazing human being. | ||
| And you know who told me about her is Whitney. | ||
| Oh yeah, she was on Whitney's podcast. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| I didn't even watch it because I didn't want to because I don't want to be influenced by it. | ||
| But I listen to Whitney because she's one of the smartest people I know. | ||
| Whitney's a fascinating human being herself. | ||
| And when she tells you that someone's brilliant and amazing and kind and thoughtful, and you're like, really? | ||
| I go, do you think she did it? | ||
| And she's like, I don't think she did it. | ||
| This is the first thing I ask. | ||
| Do you think she did it? | ||
| We're just talking, right? | ||
| And she goes, no, you should really have her on your podcast. | ||
| And she doesn't say that about it. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, maybe she said that about like two other... | ||
| I've known her forever. | ||
| She said that about like two people ever. | ||
| By the way, there's like nine people I want from Whitney's podcast on your podcast. | ||
| Tell me. | ||
| Starting with Dave Grohl. | ||
| Oh, I'd have him on. | ||
| Dave Grohl's... | ||
| Dave Grohl looks like... | ||
| You know, like I was just told... | ||
| Someone just told me spirit animal is a very offensive term. | ||
| What? | ||
| To say like, oh, Jamie, you're my spirit animal. | ||
| To who? | ||
| Native Americans, I guess. | ||
| Which name of Americans? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Which ones? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But Dave Grohl is my fucking spirit. | ||
| Who told you it was offensive? | ||
| Some fucking woke dude. | ||
| I said spirit animal and the next thing you know, shit fucking went sideways. | ||
| Someone actually said that to you? | ||
| In person? | ||
| Where's this person live? | ||
| Burbank. | ||
| Is he a comic? | ||
| No, he's not. | ||
| What does he do for a living? | ||
| Tell me what he does. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| He does nothing. | ||
| Where is he? | ||
| He does nothing. | ||
| Let's find him. | ||
| We can call him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Saying spirit animal is incredibly offensive. | |
| He told me that the other day and I was like, oh shit, I've been saying that a lot. | ||
| But Dave Grohl's a fucking badass. | ||
| Dude, that guy... | ||
| He's been on Whitney's podcast. | ||
| Whitney's got a great fucking podcast. | ||
| She really does. | ||
| And I love that she went full hog in it and was like, I'm going hard. | ||
| I'm taking the big names. | ||
| I'm bringing in... | ||
| She has great guests. | ||
| It's allowed people to see who she really is. | ||
| It's like for a while, Whitney was like Whitney from the sitcom, so she was trapped in this weird sitcom world, and she's this beautiful girl. | ||
| But the beautiful... | ||
| The fact that she's beautiful is really just... | ||
| It's just incidental. | ||
| She just happens to be beautiful. | ||
| What she really is is this fascinating person who's had a really fucking troubled life. | ||
| Difficult childhood. | ||
| Very. | ||
| Hard life. | ||
| And that's why she came out on the other end who she is. | ||
| But when you talk to her, you get this... | ||
| Nuanced view of the way she sees the world. | ||
| She's a very unusual person. | ||
| She cracks me up. | ||
| Beginning of the pandemic, very beginning of the pandemic, she hits me up. | ||
| She goes, hey, we're doing this comedy gives back thing, and I'm interviewing Adam Sandler. | ||
| You're an Adam Sandler fan, right? | ||
| Love Adam Sandler. | ||
| I fucking love Adam Sandler. | ||
| She goes, hey, so I'm going to interview him, but I know you're a fan, so I thought maybe I'd invite you over. | ||
| Maybe you'd come in, crash the thing. | ||
| Oh, I saw that. | ||
| I fucked that up so bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucked the whole thing up! | |
| I fucked that up so badly. | ||
| And Adam Sandler was like, what? | ||
| What questions did you ask him that was like... | ||
| First of all, I didn't ask him any questions. | ||
| I told him, you know me, I told him a bunch of stories about me. | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| I go, hey, Adam, you want to hear a great story? | ||
| He's like, ah, sure, sure. | ||
| And I was like, so anyway, when you were in college, when I was in college, I was at Florida State, and you came and formed, and he's just like, I don't know where this is going. | ||
| And I go, you came to Florida State? | ||
| And this girl I was dating was like, ended up hanging up with you, and then they ended up smoking pot with you and Alan Covert, and then I didn't go, and that was me, though. | ||
| And he was like, ah, cool, cool. | ||
| And this is all Zoom, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Zoom. | |
| There's no editing. | ||
| Also, you're not in the room with him. | ||
| There's a delay, and Whitney and I have a tape measure, so we're six feet apart because it's COVID, and I'm swinging in like a boom mic, coming in going, hey, Adam, Adam, oh, this is so bad. | ||
| I can't even see it. | ||
| Look at the tape measure! | ||
| Whitney had a fucking tape measure! | ||
| That was before Whitney started coloring her hair random fucking woke colors. | ||
| And then I didn't even realize it was bad, right? | ||
| I didn't even realize it was bad. | ||
| Joe, you know that I promoted my special, right? | ||
| You know that I went. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But I said to him, I go, do you have Netflix? | ||
| Here's the $200 million deal at Netflix. | ||
| The first I get off the phone, Big Jay Oakerson calls me. | ||
| And he goes, I just want to give you a heads up. | ||
| We just totally trashed you. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| He goes, we were up after you. | ||
| And we were mocking that. | ||
| We were in the waiting room watching it. | ||
| And I go, what do you mean mock me, Jay? | ||
| And he goes, are you being serious? | ||
| I thought that interview went great. | ||
| I thought it was perfect. | ||
| Were you drunk? | ||
| No, no, I think I was sober. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Big J goes, Bert, you asked Adam Sandler if he had Netflix. | ||
| I said, yeah, because my special's on Netflix. | ||
| And he goes, Bert, he has a $200 million deal at Netflix. | ||
| He definitely has fucking Netflix. | ||
| And then he goes, and then you called his movie Happy Madison. | ||
| It's Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison. | ||
| He goes, and then you called his movie Precious Gems. | ||
| I go, it's not Precious Gems? | ||
| And then I start melting down, and I'm like, oh my god, I really fucked this up. | ||
| Yeah, that was a colossal... | ||
| God bless David Spade. | ||
| That Uncut Gems movie is fucking fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, I call it Precious Gems. | ||
| Yeah, if you want to find out who Adam Sandler really is or what he's capable of, goddamn Uncut Gems. | ||
| That is one, two hour or whatever, however long the movie is, fucking panic attack. | ||
| I gotta see it. | ||
| You haven't seen it? | ||
| Holy shit, Bert. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's so crazy how good it is. | ||
| Do you know anybody who's a gambling junkie? | ||
| No, I just stopped gambling. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah, I don't care. | ||
| I don't care about it. | ||
| I don't really give a fuck. | ||
| It's like, I'm just dead inside with that. | ||
| I used to gamble on fights when I was calling them. | ||
| In the early days of the UFC. Because there was guys who would come in from overseas. | ||
| Guys who'd come in who I'd watch fight in like K-1 or rings or any of those Japanese organizations. | ||
| And I knew who they were. | ||
| And I would gamble on them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, but I was like, is this bad? | ||
| I'm commentating and I'm also gambling. | ||
| I don't know if that's smart, because I don't want to be biased. | ||
| He hit him hard! | ||
| Goddammit! | ||
| Aubrey, my partner in Onnit, Aubrey used to... | ||
| You mean the man with the most beautiful body in the world? | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| Between him and his wife, he's married, correct? | ||
| He's married. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I might just follow him on Instagram. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But their two bodies are just... | ||
| They're beautiful people. | ||
| I think I have all the fat they should have. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Their bodies have zero fat on them. | ||
| And he's always got that... | ||
| He's a lovely man. | ||
| He's got that beautiful sunshine smile. | ||
| That's another thing about this podcast. | ||
| I follow people I do not know. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, look, they're wake surfing. | ||
| Do you want to meet him? | ||
| I'd love to meet Aubrey Marcus. | ||
| I'll hook it up. | ||
| Yeah, I'll call him after we're done here. | ||
| Yeah, I would love to. | ||
| What was I saying about him? | ||
| You were saying gambling on fights. | ||
| Oh, so I would give him... | ||
| That's Uncut Gems. | ||
| I would give him the tips. | ||
| Like, when guys would come in, I would say, oh my god, that line is totally wrong. | ||
| I'm like, this guy's a killer. | ||
| And we were, at one point, we were at 84%. | ||
| Where I was just giving him the tips and he was gambling, we would, 8 out of 10, I would call him right. | ||
| You know, because MMA, you can't call it right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Because wild shit happens. | ||
| Like, did you see the UFC this weekend? | ||
| I didn't and I won't. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Brian Ortega. | ||
| And Alexander Volkanovski had one of the craziest title fights I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| It was wild! | ||
| And I kind of wish I was there. | ||
| I was out of town for that one. | ||
| That was my hunting trip, so I had to cancel it. | ||
| But god damn, it was so good. | ||
| It was so crazy. | ||
| That was a fight you couldn't... | ||
| Call. | ||
| Because Ortega almost won twice with two insane submissions. | ||
| Once with a... | ||
| He got him on the bottom with a guillotine, or he mounted him, rather, with a guillotine, and then he got him on the bottom with a triangle. | ||
| It was insane! | ||
| And Ortega is known for his submissions. | ||
| His submissions are some of the best in MMA periods. | ||
| He's a Torrance jiu-jitsu guy, right? | ||
| He's from the original Gracie Academy in Torrance. | ||
| That's where I trained. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Orion ran the school and his sons, you know... | ||
| Henner. | ||
| Yeah, Henner and Heron. | ||
| And Brian Ortega came from there. | ||
| It's like lineage. | ||
| It's lineage. | ||
| It's like some of the purest jiu-jitsu that you're going to get. | ||
| And when you say fundamentals, like Brian Ortega has perfect fundamentals. | ||
| You know, Krohn Gracie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| Perfect. | ||
| Perfect fundamentals. | ||
| They do everything to like this razor sharp. | ||
| When he dove on that guillotine choke, I was like, that is, like, I wish people could see how beautiful that is the way I see it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because I know how hard that is to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The way he slipped it in and got mount on a world champion. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Full guillotine mount, our world champion, and the guy got out! | ||
| I mean, he's gurgling. | ||
| It's as deep as it gets. | ||
| And when you realize how good Brian Ortega is, and what he's in right now, he's in a mount, but he's also got his legs crossed underneath, which is like the most ruthless mount. | ||
| Because a regular mount, you're on top of a guy, and the guy can kind of buck. | ||
| But Ortega's got his legs crossed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So that kind of guillotine with a guy like that is death! | |
| It's death! | ||
| And that crazy motherfucker from Australia got out where 99.99% of the people who have ever lived would have tapped out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That fucking savage is like, not today, bitch. | ||
| I'd rather die. | ||
| I did a deep dig on Brian Ortega. | ||
| So good, dude. | ||
| He was on Schaub's Calabasas Companion. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And probably one of the most interesting human beings I've ever heard talk. | ||
| He's an actor. | ||
| And he just doesn't come out as an actor, which is how I come at it as. | ||
| Like, just a regular person. | ||
| He's an actor? | ||
| He was acting before he did fighting? | ||
| Please correct me. | ||
| No, we don't have to pull it up. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that true? | |
| Let me know. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Brian Ortega was in a movie with Shia LaBeouf. | ||
| They were both in the movie, but that was like the first, or maybe he's done very few things. | ||
| Was that when he was already fighting? | ||
| When was that movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very recently. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| In Shaba, they were like, Shaba's an extra, but Brian's in it, too. | ||
| But they probably brought Brian in because, you know, he's already fought for the title before. | ||
| He fought Max Holloway. | ||
| He knocked out Frankie Edgar. | ||
| I mean, Brian Ortega's been a bad motherfucker for years. | ||
| I heard you talk. | ||
| Well, I got into a deep dive about him, and I do a thing called Open Tabs, where I keep all the tabs open in my Safari browser, and then I do a podcast about telling you about all the shit I learned over the weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| And I had a big Brian Ortega one, but I took it out because sometimes with cage fighters, maybe what I say isn't what they hear, and I don't want to piss any of them off. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Some dudes are super sensitive. | ||
| I'm sensitive as fuck. | ||
| And Brian Ortega was in this movie with Shia LaBeouf, and he told this crazy story about Shia trying to fight him. | ||
| Oh my god, that's hilarious. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Is that real? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard the story. | |
| That is hilarious. | ||
| And so, but Brian Ortega, the way he was telling the story was like, it was good, like, it was legit good storytelling. | ||
| Like, he can do jujitsu, I can tell a motherfuckers story, and the way he was telling the story... | ||
| Was like the way you would do jujitsu? | ||
| If I knew jujitsu, yes! | ||
| He was telling it good. | ||
| He was telling it good. | ||
| And I was like, who the fuck is Brian? | ||
| And then the next clip is you talking about Brian Ortega's jujitsu's flawless. | ||
| It's flawless. | ||
| But you said it's fundamental. | ||
| Yeah, what that means is there's like some basic, and the word basic gets offensive to some people because I think they misinterpret. | ||
| That's why I use the word fundamentals instead of basic. | ||
| But what I mean by basic is there's just like some amazing moves in Jiu Jitsu that are standard. | ||
| Like the arm bar is standard. | ||
| Arm bar from the guard is a standard move. | ||
| A guillotine choke is a standard move. | ||
| A rear naked choke is a standard move. | ||
| A Darce choke, we're getting a little more new school-y because there's a guy, Joe Darce, that came up with that name. | ||
| But there's a bra bow choke that's kind of similar that's in Jiu Jitsu with the Gi. | ||
| And there's a lot of techniques like Gi techniques that are very fundamental. | ||
| Like Ezekiel chokes and clock chokes. | ||
| They're basically kind of fundamental. | ||
| And then you get into this new school, like Eddie Bravo style, where he's got some of these students that are just doing this wild shit. | ||
| There's this kid, Ben Eddie. | ||
| Who teaches out of Portland. | ||
| I think he's in Portland. | ||
| And Ben Eddy's like super flexible with his wild guard. | ||
| And I was just looking at this new move that he was doing where he's got like this rubber guard, new choke. | ||
| And I was analyzing this. | ||
| I was like, whoa! | ||
| And I'm like, how many people can move their legs like that? | ||
| Like how flexible is he? | ||
| How much dexterity does he have in his legs? | ||
| The way he's applying pressure. | ||
| I'm like, can my fat ass do that? | ||
| I'm looking at how he's doing it. | ||
| I'm like, can I do that? | ||
| Or is this like out of my league? | ||
| Is this like one of them, there's some crazy flexibility moves that you have to be like a pretzel to use? | ||
| So he's doing this shit. | ||
| Ben Eddy's got amazing jujitsu. | ||
| And one of the things I love about him, He's a long-haired hippie, and he's not like a brute at all, but he's a goddamn assassin when it comes to jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Those are my favorite guys who you would think would be like kind of nerds, but they are. | ||
| They're like nerd assassins. | ||
| That's how Eddie always calls them. | ||
| He calls them like nerd assassins. | ||
| Intelligent people that are playing a complicated game. | ||
| They could have been playing chess, but they instead became a jiu-jitsu person. | ||
| They could have been a person who's like a champion video game person, but instead it's the same thing. | ||
| It's like whatever makes you good at golf would also make you good at tennis. | ||
| There's athletic limitations to some things. | ||
| To be a really good runner, you have to be fast. | ||
| There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. | ||
| But there's certain things that when a person gets really fucking good at something, what that is, I think you can apply to anything with passion. | ||
| See, this guy's got wild shit. | ||
| There's another dude named Jeremiah Vance, and he might be one of the most impressive. | ||
| He moves so fast off his back. | ||
| His back... | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| When he's on the bottom, which is usually a difficult position to attack from, it's way easier to attack on top because you have gravity on your side. | ||
| So if you're on top of a person and you're smooshing them, you have gravity on your side. | ||
| That's an advantage. | ||
| You have more pressure on them They don't have any pressure on you. | ||
| So you have to figure out a way to attack someone without any pressure. | ||
| Goddamn, look at that. | ||
| Yeah, dude, he's a master off his back. | ||
| He caught this dude in a fly trap, and he might have been one of the first guys to ever pull this off on a high-level competition. | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, Jeremiah Vance is an assassin off his back. | ||
| But it's like, this is not fundamental jujitsu. | ||
| This stuff that he's doing right here, this is not the basics. | ||
| This is some wild variations that these really creative assassins are coming up with. | ||
| What you see when you see Brian Ortega, I'm sure Brian could do all that shit if you show him. | ||
| I'm sure he could. | ||
| I'm sure he already knows it too, but what you see from him is all of the fundamentals, the triangle, the rear naked, the arm bar at razor sharp, razor sharp precision. | ||
| That's what's amazing. | ||
| It's not just that he got a mounted guillotine on a world champion, it's the smoothness. | ||
| Like, watch that. | ||
| Can you play Brian Ortega's submission attempt on Volkanovski? | ||
| We can't find it? | ||
| I think it's on the UFC page. | ||
| I know Ariel Helwani tweeted it. | ||
| He tweeted a video. | ||
| And he said, how? | ||
| He said, how do you get out? | ||
| How does someone get out of this? | ||
| And it's a really good question. | ||
| Because if you know how good Brian Ortega's jujitsu is, you go, this is insane. | ||
| This should be checkmate. | ||
| There's another guy, like Krohn Gracie, who's Hicks and Gracie's son. | ||
| Krohn Gracie got a guillotine on Cub Swanson. | ||
| And Cub Swanson is a legitimate fucking murderer. | ||
| He's a killer. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| He's good all around. | ||
| He can knock dudes outstanding. | ||
| He's a black belt in jujitsu. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's been around forever. | ||
| He's a veteran, just as tough as they come. | ||
| And Krohn Gracie caught his neck like a crocodile. | ||
| It was like a crocodile snatching a wildebeest by the side of a waterhole. | ||
| Is this it? | ||
| This is Ortega Volkanovski, and this is the triangle. | ||
| The fact that he got out of this is just as impressive, so we might as well watch this. | ||
| Do you know how good that triangle is? | ||
| That is so goddamn good, completely locked in. | ||
| Ortega's head is fucking purple, and his nickname, T-City, that's Triangle City. | ||
| That's Brian Ortega's nickname because he's so good at the triangle. | ||
| He had a triangle fully locked in, and Volkanovski is such a bad motherfucker that he got out of it. | ||
| And it looked like Ortega was done in the fourth round. | ||
| It looked like he was beaten down. | ||
| And he came back and he won the fifth round. | ||
| Dude, it was one of the wildest fights I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| I've called a thousand fights at least. | ||
| Maybe 1,500, maybe even 2,000. | ||
| I don't know how many fights I've called. | ||
| That, watching that shit from home... | ||
| I was like, this is one of the wildest things I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| I was screaming. | ||
| I was probably 500 yards from them at the Park MGM. All I got, I was doing a show at the Park MGM. What time was your show? | ||
| 7 o'clock. | ||
| Oh, you could have gone. | ||
| Your show was there, buddy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The fight I wanted to see was Nick and... | ||
| Yeah, Nick and Robbie Lawler. | ||
| Nick and Robbie Lawler, that's the one I definitely want to see. | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I got into the green room and they told me what happened and then I was like... | ||
| Here's my thought. | ||
| When people say that he shouldn't have fought, he was doing really well. | ||
| He was off for six years, and he was doing really well against a world-class, straight-up killer in Robbie Lawler, who used to be the UFC welterweight champion. | ||
| And Robbie Lawler, you could make an argument he's not in his prime, but he's damn close. | ||
| He's right there. | ||
| He's still capable of beating... | ||
| A lot of fucking people in the UFC. He's like a top 10 guy for sure. | ||
| Robbie Lawler's a kid. | ||
| Like, what is Robbie Lawler ranked in the UFC's welterweight division? | ||
| He could beat anybody. | ||
| All he has to do is, like, you can't look at him by, like, some of the fights that didn't go so good, because, like, you're a professional athlete in a sport that's brutal on your body. | ||
| But if you look at him, what is he still capable of doing? | ||
| Like, it's not like he's physically incapacitated. | ||
| It's not like he's really slowed down that much. | ||
| It's like, what is he capable of doing? | ||
| What is he capable of doing this? | ||
| Beating the fuck out of people. | ||
| I think the level of competition, he's gotten a little older, but the level of competition has also gotten better. | ||
| They keep getting better and better and better and better. | ||
| You get the Tyron Woodleys, and then Kamaru Usman comes along and takes it to another level. | ||
| It's a wild sport. | ||
| What's crazy is that, as a simple passerby, is I'm a fan of all of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no loser in a fight. | ||
| And then there's also no, like, I'm still a huge Nick Diaz fan. | ||
| Yeah, well, of course. | ||
| That's one of the beautiful things about the sport, is that you don't have to be undefeated to be special. | ||
| Like, Conor McGregor's lost a bunch of times. | ||
| He's still the biggest draw in the sport. | ||
| I fucking love Conor McGregor. | ||
| If Conor McGregor comes back, if he comes back with a metal leg... | ||
| And fights now, people will still come to see him by the droves, and they'll sing when he comes out, and the Irish support him to the end. | ||
| Dude, when he fought Nate Diaz, I mean, like, Jorge Masvidal, I saw a fight on YouTube videos when I was at a fucking Des Moines funny bone, and I texted Tommy, I was like, you gotta check this kid out. | ||
| The Kimbo Slice ones? | ||
| Yeah, the Kimbo Slice ones, yeah. | ||
| And so, like, I'm fans of all these guys, so when they... | ||
| It's like Robbie Lawler and Nick Diaz. | ||
| I was like, I want them both to win, you know? | ||
| I agree with what you're saying. | ||
| I try, even as a commentator, because I'm in a weird spot where I'm talking about the fights, I try to be as neutral as possible. | ||
| And that's why it was insanely hard when Brendan Schaub was fighting. | ||
| Dude, that was... | ||
| Watching Schaub get beat up was some of the hardest... | ||
| It was so hard for me. | ||
| It was so hard for me. | ||
| It was so hard. | ||
| Because, like, I genuinely love that dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I saw where this was going. | ||
| And I was like, shit. | ||
| Like, you gotta get out now. | ||
| Like, you gotta get out now. | ||
| Like, this is not something... | ||
| There's a point of no return when a guy starts getting KO'd by giants. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Giants. | ||
| I mean, like, Ben Rothwell. | ||
| You ever been around Ben Rothwell? | ||
| No. | ||
| You want to feel like a feeble person? | ||
| No. | ||
| Shake hands with Ben Rothwell, and you go, oh, well, you could just eat me if you wanted to. | ||
| There's dudes out there like that, like Tom Erickson. | ||
| He was 300 pounds natural and one of the best wrestlers in MMA. He was 300 pounds. | ||
| They called him the big cat because he was 300, but that's Ben Rothwell. | ||
| That's a giant human being that should have a battle axe in his hand. | ||
| He should be showing up on a boat with one of them dragons at the front of it. | ||
| You know those fucking viking boats? | ||
| Look at that man. | ||
| In another world, that guy would be fucking showing up at the front of the boat and you would have a real problem on your hands. | ||
| Jesus, man. | ||
| There's a bunch of those dudes, man. | ||
| I sat with Brendan when he was getting ready to tell a story about fight. | ||
| He was doing the Ari thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Ari's like, hit me up. | ||
| He's like, hey, man, will you sit with Brendan and help him go over his story, help him figure it out? | ||
| And he told me the whole story of that fight with Travis Brown. | ||
| Yeah, Travis Brown. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking fascinating when you hear these guys talk about what goes, especially, I think Brandon's, I don't mean this out of disrespect to anyone else, but I think he's a little bit more insightful about the things that maybe I would feel if I walked into the ring, you know? | ||
| Like who he sees and what's happening. | ||
| Well, he's also honest and he can make fun of himself. | ||
| Yeah, it's a little more humble in the sense, and it was so connective. | ||
| We did like an hour... | ||
| He told me the soul story for an hour, and then we kind of talked about what highlights a good story and what makes a good story. | ||
| It was really fucking fascinating. | ||
| He's a great dude. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He's a fun guy to be around. | ||
| That's why all his friends love him so much. | ||
| People don't like him because he's, first of all, whether you judge his comedy or judge his podcast or judge whether, you also have to judge how he looks and he's a beautiful man and it's a real problem for people. | ||
| He's a beautiful man and he's like six foot five. | ||
| Great head of air. | ||
| He's built like a fucking Adonis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It really is. | |
| It really makes people uncomfortable, me included. | ||
| I'm his friend. | ||
| He just has massive advantage. | ||
| You get a hate on him, but he's a great guy. | ||
| If you just know him, he's a great guy. | ||
| And I saw him getting hurt, and I was like, he doesn't really want to do this anymore, but he's doing this. | ||
| It's incomparable, because my martial arts competition days were very insignificant. | ||
| In comparison to his. | ||
| He knocked out Cro Cop. | ||
| He knocked out Minotauri. | ||
| So I'm not trying to compare myself to him, but I'm going to compare a moment in my life where I knew I had to stop competing. | ||
| Because I wasn't really doing it anymore. | ||
| I was training, sort of, but I was also doing stand-up comedy and I was working all day and I kind of knew that I had to get out. | ||
| But it was my identity. | ||
| And I was 21 years old and I hadn't really figured out how to make real plans for myself. | ||
| And I was realizing that I was training and competing with people that were way more into it than I was. | ||
| And I realized, oh my god, I'm not into it the same way I used to be. | ||
| Like, I forgot what it was like when I was at my peak when I was 19, when I was... | ||
| I literally have no problems in the world. | ||
| I was young and stupid. | ||
| I was out of high school, so I didn't have to go to school anymore. | ||
| And I was taking a year off of school before I went to college. | ||
| And I had all this time to just train. | ||
| And I was obsessed, and that's all I did was train all day. | ||
| But by the time I was 21, dude, I was training like four days a week, maybe five, and I wasn't training like it was my whole life. | ||
| I was doing it because it was like a thing that I always did. | ||
| And then I was fighting. | ||
| And then I realized it, I was like, I gotta stop now, or I'm gonna get my brain scrambled. | ||
| Because I'm meeting people who are like I used to be, but I'm not like them anymore. | ||
| I had lost the obsession. | ||
| I knew that Schaub lost the obsession. | ||
| I knew that he was a great athlete early on in his career. | ||
| He's way better at what he does now. | ||
| He's way better at what he does now. | ||
| He's a great fighter, dude. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| He choked out Matt Mitrione. | ||
| People give him shit. | ||
| For what he did, Matt Mitrione is a fucking pro football player athlete with serious knockout power. | ||
| Like, serious fucking KO power. | ||
| He've KO'd Fedor, okay? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| And Brendan Schaub choked him the fuck out. | ||
| And he can do that. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| I mean, knocked out Krokop. | ||
| Crow Cop is legitimately one of the best strikers to ever fight in MMA. And granted, it was Crow Cop later in his life. | ||
| Granted, it was Crow Cop after he had these wars in pride and then came over to the UFC. And he had... | ||
| It's just being a human. | ||
| Getting hit a bunch of times. | ||
| You lose something somewhere along the way. | ||
| So I don't think that was the Crow Cop that fought Fedor the first time, but it was still motherfucking Crow Cop. | ||
| And Brandon Schaub KO'd him. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| He had it at one time. | ||
| But you can see when fighters don't have it anymore when it becomes a job. | ||
| Like Joseph Benavidez just retired and one of the things that he said was that he realized he was not going to get a chance to fight for the world title again and he didn't want MMA to be just a job. | ||
| And it's a brilliant thing to say because it's brutally honest. | ||
| It's brutally honest. | ||
| And it takes a sensitive, intelligent person like him. | ||
| He goes, I don't want this to be a job. | ||
| I wanted to be the best in the world. | ||
| He was very close to being the best in the world. | ||
| He was most certainly number two for quite a long time. | ||
| Maybe even was number one, but he didn't get a shot. | ||
| It was like, you got a window as an athlete. | ||
| To be at your best before the tissue, just the RPMs and the fucking trauma of just, even just regular training, even if you're just not even getting hit, just regular training, just hitting the bag, just fucking doing CrossFit, just doing those kind of like kettlebell exercises and plyos and jump and box jumps, your tissue is getting stressed. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| How long can you do that for? | ||
| Like that hardcore at a world-class level? | ||
| You might have ten years in you. | ||
| You know, they say fighters, they have like nine years. | ||
| So wait, here's my question is like, what percentage of fighters that get that... | ||
| This is a tough question. | ||
| Meaning, what's the percentage of fighters that get into the UFC that fighters that try to get into the UFC? Is it like baseball? | ||
| Because every kid plays baseball growing up. | ||
| Well, I think baseball's most certainly more popular than the UFC because it's in colleges, it's in high schools. | ||
| There's like a direct path, right, to be an ace high school player. | ||
| You get into a good college and a scholarship, you kick ass in that college, you get drafted by the Yankees. | ||
| I mean, there's a direct path, right? | ||
| There's not such a direct path as an MMA fighter. | ||
| It's more complicated. | ||
| It's more complicated because I look at... | ||
| I just started following Patty Pimblinton. | ||
| Patty the Batty! | ||
| I just like him. | ||
| Right away, one fight! | ||
| Dude, I just immediately like the kid and I go, I want to see more of him, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| One fight in the UFC. Sean O'Malley, too, though. | ||
| Sean O'Malley, I just... | ||
| I see the one fight, I think he hurt his foot, right? | ||
| Oh, dude, Sean O'Malley is special. | ||
| He's special. | ||
| He's special. | ||
| I love watching that dude fight. | ||
| He is a uniquely confident, wild motherfucker who's super creative, and he's fucking... | ||
| Look, man, he's... | ||
| He's insanely good. | ||
| He's still getting better too, man. | ||
| That's the wild thing about that dude. | ||
| Thomas Almeida, that dude he just fucked up, you have to understand who Thomas Almeida is. | ||
| Before Cody Garbrandt knocked out Thomas Almeida, Thomas Almeida was one of the best Like, shots to be a world champion. | ||
| Like, you looked at him when he was coming up, when he was dominating people, when he'd get caught and hurt and still come back and knock guys out. | ||
| He was a gladiator. | ||
| Thomas Almeida was, like, he was someone to watch. | ||
| And then Cody Garbrandt put the fucking knuckles to him. | ||
| In an insane way with this sidestep footwork beautiful boxing hit about a perfect place right hand and knocked him out I mean Cody Garbrandt just fucked him up. | ||
| It was wild to see because Garbrandt and Thomas Almeida at that time were both thought to be kind of on that same level like guys who are rising to the title and Thomas Almeida Was fucking dangerous man for Cody to fuck him up that way was really super impressive. | ||
| Yeah, so when you see Sean O'Malley fight Thomas Almeida and just pitch a shutout. | ||
| Just a wild shutout. | ||
| And the pace is insane. | ||
| And KO him really kind of twice. | ||
| I could have stopped him at one point in time, and the referee let him go on, and then he literally says to him, like, he puts his hands up, he goes, okay, and then he knocks him out when he's on the ground. | ||
| It was wild shit. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| I saw Jamie Kilstein do a breakdown of that fight or talk about that fight. | ||
| Dude, Shawn is insanely accurate. | ||
| His timing is just spectacular. | ||
| My point is... | ||
| So wait, hang on. | ||
| Here's my question. | ||
| So those guys that come in, and I mean this respectfully, Balls are blazing. | ||
| Sean O'Malley, Patty Pimblinton, Conor McGregor. | ||
| These guys that just show up with so much confidence. | ||
| How much confidence is walking into the ring, how much success is walking into the ring with that much confidence, that much balls, that much like Nick Diaz on his back giving the birds, or on his back going like, come on, get me, get me. | ||
| Or his brother giving the birds. | ||
| It certainly means something. | ||
| Confidence means something. | ||
| But you can have all the confidence in the world and you fight Anderson Silva in his prime and you're still fucked. | ||
| It doesn't mean jack shit. | ||
| The most important thing is skill. | ||
| Like a lot of guys have confidence. | ||
| Like all these guys having confidence is big. | ||
| It's a big part of the equation. | ||
| But it's so much fun to watch them. | ||
| But it's got... | ||
| They have everything, right? | ||
| Like, O'Malley's got a weird personality that, like, is compelling. | ||
| So does, you know, there's a lot of guys like that. | ||
| They have personalities that want to... | ||
| Cowboy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking compelling as a motherfucker. | ||
| Patty Pemberton. | ||
| Something about his haircut. | ||
| I want to follow him. | ||
| Dude, I followed him? | ||
| I followed him as another guy in open tabs I didn't talk about because I was like, I don't know how these guys received that, but I just fucking watched every video about the guy. | ||
| Do you know fighters got upset by how popular he was getting? | ||
| They were making all these memes where they were putting his hair on a bunch of different fighters. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| Yeah, there was a whole series of them that were going around. | ||
| I don't know if fighters were doing it or if other people online were doing it, but it was really funny. | ||
| Who's the guy that he... | ||
| He's from the same town as that guy. | ||
| He's got the same type of accent. | ||
| Liverpool. | ||
| Darren Till. | ||
| Darren Till. | ||
| Dude, Darren Till. | ||
| I got into that guy. | ||
| Yeah, he's a fascinating guy, too. | ||
| He's funny as shit. | ||
| You know, he fought that last fight with a torn ACL. He should not have fought. | ||
| Yeah, he should have got surgery on his knee. | ||
| But if you look at him, he didn't look nearly as impressive as he generally does. | ||
| You know, he's a really fucking dangerous striker. | ||
| Darren Till's beaten Cowboy Cerrone in his UFC, like, his real breakout fight. | ||
| He had a couple of fights in the UFC before that. | ||
| But he knocked out... | ||
| He beat Kelvin Gastelum. | ||
| Damn, I forgot about that one. | ||
| Lost to Robert Whittaker. | ||
| I mean, he's a really good fighter. | ||
| The big one was the Woodley fight, because he had beaten Cerrone by KO. That was his big breakout fight. | ||
| And then he beat Wonderboy Thompson, who's one of the best strikers in the UFC. And then he fought Woodley, but Woodley beat him. | ||
| And then he realized that he was too small, and Woodley beat him pretty handily. | ||
| He knocked him down and strangled him. | ||
| And then he realized he had to go up to 185, because he was a big dude. | ||
| I remember the first time I saw him, I was standing next to him in the hallway. | ||
| I was like, how the fuck does that guy make 170? | ||
| He was so big. | ||
| But there's a lot of those dudes just, They just dehydrate the shit out of themselves, weaken themselves, and then try to recover as much as possible in 24 hours. | ||
| I don't know how they do that. | ||
| We did the weight loss challenge, and I was like, I can't fucking... | ||
| I can barely eat pizza. | ||
| Yeah, you were almost dead by the end of it. | ||
| My point was, why was I talking about Darren Till? | ||
| What was I saying about him? | ||
|
unidentified
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Because he's from the same place. | |
| He's from Liverpool, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that he tore his ACL. Oh, yeah. | ||
| So his last fight... | ||
| Think I don't think it was very many weeks out like maybe two weeks or so out he tore his ACL in training and They were gonna pull out of the fight, but he said let me see what I can do with my ACL all fucked up Not making excuses for the dude. | ||
| I like that shit. | ||
| I like that shit. | ||
| Yeah, there's a certain thing of I don't know. | ||
| I like that shit. | ||
| When guys fight injured? | ||
| Hey, Darren, I apologize for what I'm about to say. | ||
| He doesn't mean the apology, I'm telling you right now. | ||
| When we were shooting my movie, I had torn my tricep, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And we had a fight scene left to go. | ||
| And I was just like... | ||
| And I was like, I should be good. | ||
| And I do the fight scene, I do the fight scene, and I grab the guy, and I hear three pops, like, dot, dot, dot. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, fuck. | ||
| I think it just went off the bone. | ||
| Like, it's now retracting. | ||
| And listen, once again, Darren Till, much respect, but I was like... | ||
| I got that same who's gonna carry the boats mentality. | ||
| And I look at the director and I go, and I know this is bullshit, pussy, Hollywood stuff, but I go, let's get the fight scene. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm going into surgery. | ||
| Let's get our fucking fight scene. | ||
| And I fucking threw punches. | ||
| With your left arm? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The one that would hurt? | |
| With my left arm. | ||
| Yeah, because I had to throw fucking hooks into the rib cage. | ||
| Did you worry about it breaking off and flying across the room? | ||
| Who's going to carry the boats, Joe? | ||
| Who's going to carry the boats? | ||
| And let me tell you something. | ||
| All these motherfuckers I've talked about, when I'm shooting that movie, in my head, I'm like, do you give them a chance to do it? | ||
| Brian will tell you, you give them a chance to do the movie I just did, and he could do those fight scenes way better than I did. | ||
| You think he'd fucking tear a fucking tricep and go, hey guys, I've got to tap out. | ||
| Yeah, he might. | ||
| He has a goddamn career in the UFC. Yeah, but I fucking went hard as fuck. | ||
| If you're a professional athlete and you tear your tricep in a movie, just stop. | ||
| Stop filming the fucking movie. | ||
| I fucking blew the fuck out of this arm. | ||
| Well, that's good for you, man, that you gutted it through. | ||
| I was like, dude, I was like, you get one shot at these things, I'm gonna fucking put everything into it. | ||
| And it's fun to watch these guys go at it because, you know, I realized just how much I couldn't fight. | ||
| Like, just because you have to do... | ||
| If that's what you really wanted to do, you could do it. | ||
| And I don't mean this disrespectfully, but I mean you could definitely do it. | ||
| There's a lot of people who could do it. | ||
| It's like, where are you now and how far would you have to travel in your mind to get to the place where you could do it? | ||
| But the idea that you couldn't do that and couldn't get there is nonsense. | ||
| But throwing punches is not as... | ||
| I think a lot of men... | ||
| I watch a lot of these football stadium fights. | ||
| Oh, in the crowd? | ||
| Yeah, and you see these guys throw punches, and you go, oh, if I knew you were going to throw those punches, I wouldn't mind fighting with you. | ||
| Yeah, but there's also guys who will knock you the fuck out in those stands. | ||
| Well, yeah, but these fucking guys, these guys in the Cowboys jerseys, I didn't see any punch I wouldn't be afraid of. | ||
| Like, they're like these Rams guys. | ||
| But you're taking a chance. | ||
| You're taking a chance. | ||
| You're taking a chance, you're going to run into Joe Schilling in a bar. | ||
| But I know... | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Was that not beautiful? | ||
| Was that not beautiful? | ||
| You do not get frisky with literally one of the best strikers on planet Earth. | ||
| It was so quickly. | ||
| Can you imagine you're an asshole talking shit at a bar and you accidentally do it to Joe Schilling? | ||
| You accidentally do it to a world Muay Thai champion? | ||
| It was so quick. | ||
| I mean, of all the fucking terrible roads to go down... | ||
| Oh, that was so... | ||
| It happened so quickly that you go... | ||
| It's so funny when you watch someone throw a punch who knows what they're doing. | ||
| And you go, oh, that guy's punched before. | ||
| Yeah, not just knows what he's doing. | ||
| He's a world champion. | ||
| He's an assassin. | ||
| He's a terrifying human. | ||
| I wish I'd been the bar back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Just standing in that little perfect spot where you heard the guy say what he said. | ||
| You know he said something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He did something too. | ||
| He didn't just say something. | ||
| He bumped his chest forward towards him. | ||
| Like he bowed up on him. | ||
| Like he was going to swing on him or something. | ||
| You can't make a sharp, quick move when you're talking shit with a world champion fighter. | ||
| He's not going to let you hit him. | ||
| The thing about sucker punches, and this is something that people have to realize in any encounter. | ||
| I'm not encouraging trained killers to go out and beat on people in bars. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, the problem with sucker punching, you're gonna see it right here, like Joe just tried to walk by him, he doesn't say anything, and the guy says something and Joe turns around, and he does that. | ||
| Where he bows on him and Joe just hits him with like four punches while he's like falling. | ||
| It's like you can't just bow up on people because the problem with sucker punches is if a guy can punch, and it could be some random person, there's a lot of random people out there. | ||
| They might not be trained strikers, they might not be world champion kickboxers, but they know how to throw a punch. | ||
| It's like a lot of kids know how to throw a baseball. | ||
| If your uncle taught you to throw a punch, you could throw a good right hand. | ||
| If you just sucker punch someone out of nowhere, just throw a punch at them, they don't realize you're punching them until it's too late. | ||
| Because reaction time is way slower than action time. | ||
| It's a flaw in the human neurosystem. | ||
| If I go to slap you, you don't realize I'm slapping you until it's too late. | ||
| Until I've already been slapped. | ||
| Because there's a reaction time. | ||
| You have instincts that people build in that enhance that reaction time, but the reality of a sucker punch is if you're close enough to someone and they say something to you and you don't expect it, there's some rudeness and they throw a punch You can get knocked the fuck out. | ||
| Anybody can get knocked the fuck out. | ||
| Anybody can. | ||
| Anybody can. | ||
| Joe has lost by knockout in crazy fights. | ||
| You've got to think of all the people. | ||
| Anderson Silva's lost by knockouts. | ||
| A lot of people. | ||
| Fedor lost by knockouts. | ||
| Human beings can get knocked out. | ||
| Some of the best ever can get knocked out. | ||
| And if some guy just flexes on you, you don't know what he's going to do next. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| And he didn't have an idea either. | ||
| That guy did not see that coming. | ||
| I bet he woke up and he was like, did we do shots? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| He was one of Nick's training partners. | ||
| He's been a training partner of Nick's forever. | ||
| Nick? | ||
| Nick Diaz. | ||
| That guy? | ||
| Joe Schilling. | ||
| Oh my god, I thought you meant the guy that got knocked out. | ||
| I was like, wait, what the fuck? | ||
| Joe Schilling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was there at the Diaz fight. | ||
| And, you know, my thing about Nick Diaz is like, when I looked at him physically, I was like, I don't know how much he's been training. | ||
| Like, when Nick was in his prime... | ||
| He was, like, really lean. | ||
| And he was, you know, I mean, he's definitely like an older guy now. | ||
| How old, though? | ||
| I think he's like 30. I don't know. | ||
| How old? | ||
| 38. 38? | ||
| Is he really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But the thing is, like, I don't think you can just jump back in that easy after six years out of the sport. | ||
| I think you'd probably need more time to prepare. | ||
| He kind of got fucked, right? | ||
| Well, I don't know how much time he had to prepare and why they agreed to do a fight on short notice. | ||
| Because I think it was only like six weeks notice, which I think... | ||
| It's fine if you're Michael Chandler, if you're in peak form right now and you're ready to go and someone gives you six weeks, I bet you can get ready for a fight. | ||
| But if you're a guy who's been off for that long, you're going to need more time, I think. | ||
| I'm just guessing. | ||
| I don't know how much time it took him. | ||
| My point was, he didn't do that bad for a guy that was out six months. | ||
| You know, Robbie Lawler was pressuring him, and he was putting it on him, and he was definitely getting the better of the exchanges. | ||
| But it's not like Nick Diaz didn't have his moments, and he definitely did. | ||
| He would just have to have really, like, way more time to prepare. | ||
| And he would have to really be, like, ready to go. | ||
| Like the old Nick Diaz. | ||
| Like the Nick Diaz that fought Anderson Silva. | ||
| Like the Nick Diaz that fought George St. Pierre. | ||
| Like the Nick Diaz that fought Paul Daly in Strikeforce. | ||
| I mean, that dude was a fucking killer. | ||
| It's just like, can he still do that at 38? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| Maybe, we don't know, if you just have one fight. | ||
| You need time. | ||
| If your body hasn't been used to this stuff and you haven't been training as much as you were when you were in your prime, if you still want to do it again, like legitimately, physically, you probably can. | ||
| But it's like, you know, you've run a marathon. | ||
| When you start out and you run a mile and you're dead, and you're like, I can't believe anybody can run 26 of those. | ||
| But if you do it over and over and over again, you build up. | ||
| I don't think Nick Diaz had a chance to build back up after being off for that much time. | ||
| I think you get back to where he was Nick Diaz in his best, he's gotta have some time. | ||
| Those Diaz brothers were great for their fucking pace. | ||
| They could last the whole fucking fight because of their cardio. | ||
| Well, they're always into triathlons and shit. | ||
| They got Crone Gracie into that, too. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's one of the reasons why he's so good. | ||
| His cardio is amazing, too. | ||
| Most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life. | ||
| I did a triathlon. | ||
| Oh, my God, man. | ||
| I'm running the New York City Marathon. | ||
| When's that? | ||
| November 6th. | ||
| How are you doing that like this? | ||
| I don't know, Joe. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to pulverize your knees? | |
| You saw Nick step into the cage? | ||
| I'll figure it out. | ||
| Robbie Lawler won't be there. | ||
| Why don't you just make yourself smaller first? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We should do another cocktail. | ||
| I'm gonna try to lose weight. | ||
| I'm gonna try lose weight, but you know, here's the thing about like, what's this? | ||
| I have some new whiskey. | ||
| Oh, what's this? | ||
| This is what Canadians get drunk. | ||
| I believe this is a gift from Eliza. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| Wasn't it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think so. | |
| I think so, yes. | ||
| Thank you, Eliza. | ||
| Look, she loves you, dude. | ||
| Eliza and I are very cool. | ||
| It was a mistake. | ||
| Very cool. | ||
| I love Eliza. | ||
| She thought she, you know, at times we get caught, we thought we had an idea that was in your head. | ||
| If you tried to go through all the times I thought I came up with something, come on. | ||
| I do it all the time. | ||
| I'm horrible. | ||
| I'm fucking horrible. | ||
| Yeah, I'm consistently wrong. | ||
| That's what I love about you is that you say something and then you don't apologize. | ||
| You go, hey, this is who I am, man. | ||
| If you just showed up to a dance and then said, hey, that guy can't dance. | ||
| You go, yeah, that's why we're here. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how to dance. | ||
| I don't know how to fucking dance either. | ||
| Well, when I'm talking about ideas and people are like, oh, you shouldn't express that because you're not an expert in that field. | ||
| Okay, for sure. | ||
| But this is what I'm saying. | ||
| Don't listen to me. | ||
| Don't take my advice. | ||
| But this is my opinion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I'm not be wrong. | ||
| I'm open to being wrong. | ||
| I love being wrong. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Tell me what's wrong. | ||
| Why are we deciding that people can't just talk about things? | ||
| I'm not an expert. | ||
| I shouldn't be considered an expert. | ||
| If you think that I shouldn't be able to shoot the shit with my friends like I would in private, but let you listen, you don't have to listen. | ||
| But this is what we do. | ||
| This is what we've done from the beginning. | ||
| Like if you go back to the fucking snowflake days. | ||
| Dude, I said non-stop. | ||
| I remember... | ||
| You said something, and everyone's coming to me like, what do you think about what Joe said? | ||
| And I go... | ||
| Oh, it's Ivermectin. | ||
| And I was on a podcast with Drew, and he goes, so what did you think about that? | ||
| And I was like, oh yeah, I'm glad you guys know my friend now. | ||
| I go, this is who he is. | ||
| He's always been at the forefront of anything. | ||
| Alpha brain, fucking cortisol mushrooms. | ||
| You've always been curious about all that stuff. | ||
| Ever since that guy Bill Romanowski hit you up and talked about... | ||
| Yes, Neuro One. | ||
| Neuro One. | ||
| And I go, yeah, that's who my friend is. | ||
| I go, listen, I get... | ||
| How many times have you told me this is what you need to do? | ||
| Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. | ||
| And then I go, okay. | ||
| And I go, that's who Joe is. | ||
| And I'm shocked that people are showing up to the dance now and going, I can't believe this is what he said. | ||
| And I go... | ||
| Well, the thing is, they're saying that I shouldn't have been saying that I took a drug that they don't think should be taken for a disease. | ||
| I'm not judging anybody. | ||
| If that's earnestly what you were told in the way it was described to you, it would sound ridiculous that some fucking meathead dummy who used to host Fear Factor and he's a cage fighting commentator... | ||
| I was telling people that he took a horse dewormer. | ||
| I'd be like, that fucking moron. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But this is what you probably need to know. | ||
| And I'm going to send this to Jamie. | ||
| And I'm not saying... | ||
| I'm going to be really clear with this. | ||
| I'm not saying that I think that you should do anything with your life. | ||
| Whether it's get vaccinated or don't... | ||
| I am not saying any of that. | ||
| I am just sending you something. | ||
| And I would do this if you were my friend. | ||
| I would do this and I would go, what is this? | ||
| And I would talk to people, luckily because of this podcast, I get to talk to people who are like legitimate scientists. | ||
| And I ask them about the data. | ||
| I'm like, can you sort this out? | ||
| This is from, was this from June? | ||
| Of 2020? | ||
| Is that what it says? | ||
| Okay, June of 2020. It says, scroll, the FDA-approved drug ivermectin inhibits the replication of SARS-CoV-2 in vitro. | ||
| What that means is that when they put it in, it was in a laboratory, in a laboratory setting, they showed that this ivermectin, this Medication that they've used for river blindness and all sorts of parasites. | ||
| They use it in Africa. | ||
| Literally, it's been given out billions of doses. | ||
| B.I. Billions. | ||
| It says that it was an inhibitor of COVID-19 causative virus in vitro, a single treatment able to affect, I don't know what that squiggly line is, 5,000-fold reduction in virus in 48 hours in cell culture. | ||
| That doesn't mean in humans. | ||
| It doesn't always work in humans. | ||
| Sometimes when they do things in labs, it doesn't work on people. | ||
| I'm not saying it does. | ||
| Ivermectin is FDA approved for parasitic infections and therefore has a potential for repurposing. | ||
| Ivermectin is widely available due to its inclusion in the World Health Organization's model list of essential medicines. | ||
| So it's an essential medicine in the World Health Organization's list. | ||
| There's studies that show that at least in cells, in a laboratory setting, It inhibits the growth of the virus. | ||
| But yet, people will say you're taking horse tranquilizers or medication that's not for humans. | ||
| Like, what is happening here? | ||
| What is going on there? | ||
| Well, I'll tell you. | ||
| I'll tell you. | ||
| I don't know anything about ivermectin. | ||
| I will say... | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| I will say that... | ||
| I want to say I don't either. | ||
| I'm just saying shit that I've read. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Like, if you ask me what I know, I don't know who's right. | ||
| I don't know what's right. | ||
| I have a doctor. | ||
| One of my doctors said to me, you know, I get my heart checked up every nine months, getting ready to go on tour, we do a physical. | ||
| I said, hey man, you know, Joe's my friend, but like, tell me what, and he goes, number one, a protocol is a great thing to have. | ||
| A protocol for if and when you get the disease is a great thing to have. | ||
| That's what Joe had. | ||
| You had a protocol set up, right? | ||
| Like mononucleosis or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| I said, hey, get me that, the NADS drip, all the shit you had. | ||
| What I find fascinating is that he goes, hey man, this is a doctor I have that I trust? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He goes, I don't know. | ||
| Seems to be fine. | ||
| And then he tells me other stuff, and then you're like, okay. | ||
| And you hear so much stuff from other people where it's like, hey man, you need to get the booster of Johnson& Johnson's. | ||
| Hey, this ivermectin works, or the mononucleosis works, or all these things work. | ||
| Then I go, I don't know who to fucking listen to anymore. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| Listen, they're figuring it out as the pandemic escalates and as the pandemic evolves. | ||
| They're figuring it out. | ||
| Like, I don't think it does anybody any good to get upset at people for making the wrong decisions at any point during this very confusing time, including the people that, look, there's people that thought everyone had to be on a ventilator. | ||
| It turns out that's not true at all. | ||
| It turns out that was, correct me if I'm wrong, that was bad. | ||
| Yes, it turned out to be bad. | ||
| Yeah, it turns out that when you put some people on ventilators... | ||
| They don't come back. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why. | ||
| Allegedly, I don't know. | ||
| But I think it was like a crazy number. | ||
| Like 80% of the people they put on ventilators didn't make it. | ||
| I don't know if they wouldn't have made it anyway, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is just shit that I read. | ||
| It's just like, they learn as this thing goes along. | ||
| They figure out as this thing goes along. | ||
| In the beginning we thought it was on surfaces, then they realized it's not on surfaces. | ||
| But we have to be like really careful in not, like even if you get upset at me and you don't like me and what I stand for, I'm a meathead, I'm a dummy, all those things that I understand. | ||
| You got to separate me from what I said. | ||
| I'm not saying it because it's my idea. | ||
| I'm saying it because some brilliant doctors that have helped treat people told me that. | ||
| And I read a lot of papers on this. | ||
| I'm like, well, what is this really? | ||
| Why has it been so effective in certain states in India? | ||
| Why has it been so effective? | ||
| There's real interesting aspects of this. | ||
| And the fact that it would get dismissed Horse medication just shows you how fucking weird of a time we're in. | ||
| It's a weird ass time. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| Because here's what nobody gave a fuck about. | ||
| I got better in five days. | ||
| I was aware of that. | ||
| I think everyone was a little bit aware of that. | ||
| But that's never discussed. | ||
| People say I take horse medication. | ||
| I got better in five days. | ||
| And you tested negative in like, what, six? | ||
| Five days. | ||
| Five days. | ||
| But it wasn't that stuff. | ||
| I don't think it was any one thing. | ||
| It was a bunch of things, including the monoclonal antibodies. | ||
| That was a big thing. | ||
| Monoclonal, that's it. | ||
| I think also the NAD drips. | ||
| And the vitamin drips that I did every day. | ||
| And I'm not saying that everybody has access to this. | ||
| I'm not saying any of these things. | ||
| I'm not giving you decisions that you have to make based on my advice. | ||
| I don't have any advice. | ||
| I'm just saying it's weird that all the hullabaloo was about a medication that I took that's made for human beings and none of it was about the fact that I got better so quick. | ||
| Yeah, well, dude, I said to my crew, we're going on tour for the Birdie World Tour, starts this week, coming up. | ||
| Dude, is that a shameless plug? | ||
| It's a hardcore, because I know this conversation will go viral. | ||
| The start in Augusta, Montgomery, Augusta. | ||
| But I said to them, I said, hey, man, if we get a protocol set up... | ||
| Who wants the Rogan cocktail? | ||
| Every single one of them is like, dude, if I get fucking COVID, I'll throw the fucking kitchen sink at it. | ||
| Like, why not? | ||
| What is it, you know? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Throw the kitchen sink at it, for sure. | ||
| Because no one wants to end up in a hospital. | ||
| You look at that young kid, Amanda Kloots' husband. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He got on the respirator, right? | ||
| And it was heartbreaking. | ||
| I followed that whole story. | ||
| It's a horrible story. | ||
| It's a horrible story. | ||
| And he's a young guy. | ||
| You talk about the paths, but she was so upbeat during that whole fucking thing. | ||
| What a fucking solid person she was. | ||
| Singing songs to him and trying to uplift his spirits. | ||
| And that poor kid went through the fucking ringer. | ||
| And that was a lot of times where you, I mean, you can't blame anyone. | ||
| No one knew what they were doing back then. | ||
| No one knew what was happening. | ||
| You know, Michael Yeo was one of the first people that got infected. | ||
| I remember hearing that and going like, because I remember doing a podcast with you and then you did one with him and I was like, wait, this shit's real? | ||
| His doctor straight up said to him that if I put you on the ventilator, you'll die. | ||
| He said, you'll die. | ||
| Your lungs will stop working for themselves and you'll die. | ||
| And he's like, holy fuck. | ||
| And he got through it. | ||
| See, it was in the early days, man. | ||
| I remember the, we don't have enough ventilators. | ||
| Yeah, that was a big thing, right? | ||
| The New York City thing. | ||
| They were going to fill up all these different event centers, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it the Javits Center? | ||
| Javits Center. | ||
| Yeah, they were going to fill it up. | ||
| Over on the west side. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just to put it in perspective for people listening, they do huge trade events there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like that is where a boat, a car show, a boat show would go. | ||
| And they would, and that is, they were going to fill it up with fucking ventilators? | ||
| I knew a dude who had a mob job there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he had a no-show job. | ||
| Buddy of mine. | ||
| He got paid, he got a check every week. | ||
| He had a no-show job. | ||
| He had a no-show job at the Javits Center back in the old days. | ||
| He was connected. | ||
| He was in the family. | ||
| Thank God I didn't get one of those. | ||
| He had a great job. | ||
| He had benefits. | ||
| He never worked a day in his life. | ||
| He just got paid. | ||
| There was a bunch of those back in the 90s, back before the internet was around, there was a bunch of people that had weird, shaky-ass gigs. | ||
| Oh, I would have loved that. | ||
| You would have never got me into comedy if I got one of those. | ||
| The world of criminals was so different before the internet. | ||
| Like, people could do all kinds, like in the John Gotti days. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The world of criminals was so wild, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Al Capone. | ||
| Imagine going back to the world of Al Capone. | ||
| Imagine being around Al Capone. | ||
| During Prohibition, he's making money selling moonshine. | ||
| Buying houses in West Palm on the beach. | ||
| Dies of syphilis. | ||
| I thought that's how I'd go out. | ||
| I thought so, too. | ||
| Syphilis. | ||
| It's like I'd never know it until I was blind. | ||
| And then I was like, it's too late. | ||
| They can't fix it anymore. | ||
| Down. | ||
| I definitely thought I had syphilis. | ||
| Where's the highest concentrations of syphilis? | ||
| If you had a guess. | ||
| Don't say Liverpool. | ||
| Don't say Liverpool. | ||
| That'd be rude. | ||
| We're talking good about Liverpool. | ||
| I would say... | ||
| Syphilis. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Some swampy place, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| I would think it would be a swampy joint. | ||
| So it's got to be a place... | ||
| Here's where my brain goes. | ||
| High temperature. | ||
| I'm thinking low temperature. | ||
| Because you don't want to wear a condom when you're cold. | ||
| I don't think it's like that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, it's got to be Sierra Leone. | ||
| Sierra Leone. | ||
| It's got to be Sierra Leone or... | ||
| If you're really cold, you could fuck on a wetsuit on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Put me in that world. | ||
| Yeah, just open up the crotch. | ||
| I think it's a swampy disease, if I had to guess. | ||
| I have no knowledge of syphilis. | ||
| No, but you know what? | ||
| There's a lot of Europeans that got it, man. | ||
| Oh, for real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm sorry if everybody's heard this story before. | ||
| Do you know where the term bigwig comes from? | ||
| No. | ||
| Big wig comes from, it started out, these two royals, and they had syphilis. | ||
| They were in France. | ||
| And they were losing their hair, and fucking they get holes in their face and shit. | ||
| And while they had syphilis, when they were losing their hair, they got wigs. | ||
| And then, because they were royalty, everybody wanted to copy them. | ||
| It's like when Kanye comes out with a new outfit. | ||
| The easy slides. | ||
| So all these dudes started wearing wigs. | ||
| So the more money you had, the bigger the wig you were. | ||
| You wore. | ||
| And it meant you had syphilis? | ||
| No, necessarily. | ||
| Not necessarily. | ||
| Dudes had to wear wigs. | ||
| Because these guys wore wigs, so everybody was copying these guys. | ||
| But the reason they wore wigs was because they had syphilis. | ||
| And their fucking hair was falling out. | ||
| And have you ever seen syphilis injuries? | ||
| Like when people get holes in their face, you can see through and see their teeth. | ||
| No. | ||
| Please pull that up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Syphilis is It's wild. | ||
| When people die, their nose falls off. | ||
| It's fucking terrifying shit. | ||
| Your body just falls apart. | ||
| So these guys had syphilis, and their fucking hair was falling apart, so they got wigs. | ||
| So everybody wanted to be like them, so they all got wigs. | ||
| All these regular dudes were like families and fucking faithful to their wife and have a garden and shit and going to church. | ||
| They were wearing a wig, too, because these marauding, crazy royals were just fucking everyone and getting syphilis. | ||
| Yeah, these are legitimate syphilis injuries. | ||
| I don't think I knew what syphilis was. | ||
| I've never had syphilis. | ||
| Your nose falls off, tissue damage, necrosis, all kinds of... | ||
| Okay, I don't have syphilis. | ||
| Isn't that what it's called? | ||
| Necrosis? | ||
| I got the clap in college. | ||
| Look at that lady's got a hole in her face. | ||
| From syphilis? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Her nose is caved in. | ||
| Like she's got a hole in the center of her face. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that. | ||
| A lot of that with syphilis people. | ||
| And it's not just your face, too. | ||
| It's like lots of parts of your body start falling apart like that. | ||
| It's a rotten way to die. | ||
| Yeah, they would get holes in their face. | ||
| So they documented this. | ||
| But Al Capone had syphilis. | ||
| Al Capone died of this. | ||
| And did he have holes in his face? | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| I think that's true. | ||
| That Al Capone died of syphilis. | ||
| Yep, right there. | ||
| He had the syphilis dementia. | ||
| So the holes must have been in his brain. | ||
| Oh, did he really? | ||
| It was in his brain? | ||
| Is that what they said? | ||
| Go to all... | ||
| So we can see if there's a story that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
How did Al Capone... | |
| Syphilis in the 30s? | ||
| Syphilis. | ||
| He died of syphilis. | ||
| Since there was no cure for syphilis in the 1930s, Capone's illness worsened and led to his death at age of just 48. That's me. | ||
| That's you, dude. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| I got the clap in college. | ||
| How is it? | ||
| I didn't like it. | ||
| Is it overrated? | ||
| I'll tell you what, I didn't give it an applause break. | ||
| It was rough. | ||
| It was rough because I think it was the first bout I had of OCD where you go, like, I'm dirty now. | ||
| Where you're like, ah, this isn't the plan I had lined up. | ||
| I think some people, like myself... | ||
| I remember our dog Priscilla had knee surgeries. | ||
| I had a hard time with that because I was like, you see a dog with an ailment, you're like, goddammit, I got a dog with hip dysplasia. | ||
| There's no perfection there. | ||
| When I got the clap, it fucked me up because I had only had sex with two chicks. | ||
| You comparing your clap experience to a dog with hip dysplasia? | ||
| Very similar. | ||
| I'm just trying to find the logic. | ||
| Very similar. | ||
| I was almost identical. | ||
| I'm trying to follow your thinking here. | ||
| It was the same thing. | ||
| I think it's an OCD thing where you go, I want life to be perfect. | ||
| And then when you're doing everything right and then you get the clap, you're like, I fucking followed the rules. | ||
| Like, how did this happen to me? | ||
| And it was hard for me. | ||
| It was a hard thing for me to figure out. | ||
| And then because then you... | ||
| Every chick I ever had sex with afterwards, I always presented, like, just, you know, I had the clap in college. | ||
| So I always wanted to be up front. | ||
| You always have to say that right away? | ||
| You don't have to, I think, but I did. | ||
| But you don't have it anymore. | ||
| I didn't, yeah. | ||
| But it's not like, you know, something you can... | ||
| I was. | ||
| That's how my brain works. | ||
| The clap is like a classic VD. Like, when was the clap? | ||
| When did that first... | ||
| It's gonorrhea. | ||
| When did that first... | ||
| Is it gonorrhea? | ||
| That's the clap, right? | ||
| It's a great name. | ||
| Why would you ever call it gonorrhea when you call it the clap? | ||
| The clap was so much easier. | ||
| It's a great name. | ||
| Why is it the clap, by the way? | ||
| I remember dudes, I want to say your name right now. | ||
| I remember dudes in my fraternity going, oh, it's the clap. | ||
| We all had the clap. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Why is gonorrhea called the clap? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Sometimes this clapping was done by smashing the penis between two... | ||
| Whoa, I should read before that. | ||
| Wait, what the fuck? | ||
| Wait, I was supposed to slam my penis between two paddles? | ||
| Okay, here is the beginning. | ||
| Now, why is it called the clap? | ||
| Will it make it a little smaller? | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Why is it called the clap? | ||
| There are a few different theories behind the nickname, but the one I like most has to do with an old-timey treatment. | ||
| Gonorrhea is a bacterial infection that can affect both the men and the women, but the men are more likely to show symptoms like greater frequency of urgency of urination Oh, God, yeah. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Could forcibly expel the pus and cure the infection. | ||
| You feel like that. | ||
| When you have it, you go, if I slam this against a wall right now, it would go away. | ||
| Sometimes his clapping was done by smashing the penis between two hard objects, like two boat paddles. | ||
| You feel like that. | ||
| I fucking swear to God. | ||
| I was sitting in the ATO fraternity house thinking, I gotta get this to you. | ||
| It was so... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Go back. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| There's a table of different things. | ||
| But hold on a second. | ||
| Two hard objects like two boat paddles according to this article from the Women's Health Foundation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Or a book. | ||
| Or a book and a table, like this public library science blog suggests. | ||
| But the Women's Health Foundation has stories about dudes whacking boat paddles against their cocks to cure syphilis. | ||
| It was unbearable. | ||
| Like, unbearable. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Is that the only reference? | ||
| How do we know that that's not just someone clowning on dudes in their dicks? | ||
| If I was the woman running the World Women's Health Foundation, what is it called again? | ||
| Yes, you said it. | ||
| Women's Health Foundation. | ||
| It's also called clap because clappier is a French word for brothel. | ||
| Oh, another one. | ||
| Also a nest of rabbits, which have a reputation for being pretty sexually active. | ||
| Here's my question. | ||
| Who's patient zero? | ||
| With a clap. | ||
| How does that come out? | ||
| Here's a better question, right? | ||
| Oh, better than that? | ||
| Ari Shafir had a theory, we should call Ari to get it, that if no one had sex for three days, we'd get rid of herpes. | ||
| Um, no, because all the people with herpes keep it for life. | ||
| Ari's an idiot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, there you go. | |
| That is a stupid fucking thing to say. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense at all. | ||
| I'm certain I misquoted him. | ||
| That is so dumb. | ||
| I bet you did, because he wouldn't say that. | ||
| If he did, he'd say that. | ||
| Oh, yeah, what the fuck was I thinking? | ||
| Fucking Ari. | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't make any sense, bro. | ||
| You keep herpes for life. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I remember getting the clap, and the doctor just telling me, like, Hey, man, I can just give you the pills or I can give you the test, but you just want the pills. | ||
| I was like, I don't have the clap. | ||
| And he's like, no, you definitely got it. | ||
| Like, yeah, trust me. | ||
| What do you have to take? | ||
| It was just like amoxicillin, I think. | ||
| It was like a penicillin type pill? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They don't give you a shot? | ||
| No, it was pills. | ||
| And it was like 10 days of pills. | ||
| You had to stay sober. | ||
| That was in college. | ||
| I was like fucking rough. | ||
| For 10 days. | ||
| The oldest virus ever found is a sexually transmitted disease. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| It's in Kazakhstan. | ||
| Oh, hepatitis B, proven to be 4,500 years old. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Okay, I'll say it the way it's printed because I'm an idiot. | ||
| A virus found in the genetic fragments of several remains in Germany, Kazakhstan, Poland, and Russia were shown to have remnants Of an STI hepatitis B proving to be 4,500 years old. | ||
| So that's for sure back then they had hepatitis. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You can get hepatitis from just drinking, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think that's diabetes. | ||
| Or liver failure or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, fuck. | |
| No, I think hepatitis is a disease. | ||
| I'm trying to stay just shy of that. | ||
| I think hepatitis is something you catch. | ||
| It's like a virus. | ||
| Well, I know we got hepatitis. | ||
| There's alcoholic hepatitis. | ||
| That's what I'm looking for. | ||
| Caused by drinking too much alcohol. | ||
| But you have signs in the liver. | ||
| How is it possible that something you can get through sex, you can also get through drinking? | ||
| Shouldn't they come up with a new name? | ||
| It seems like you get it at the same time. | ||
| Is it the same? | ||
| But isn't it the same thing? | ||
| Like, if you... | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| So, I met a couple heroin addicts, and they are afraid of hepatitis. | ||
| That one. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The drunk one. | ||
| It's a liver failure thing. | ||
| Right, but why is it called hepatitis if a hepatitis is also something that you get from sexually transmission? | ||
| Sexual transmission. | ||
| Right? | ||
| How is it possible that those two are the same things? | ||
| That's why I only party and I don't fuck. | ||
| Well, it's also like why we're both not scientists. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| We don't understand this at all. | ||
| In my head, they're calling it a different hepatitis for a reason. | ||
| Well, they just make up another name. | ||
| It's so lazy. | ||
| I get a hepatitis A shot, correct? | ||
| Like if I travel, I get a hepatitis A shot. | ||
| And what do you get hepatitis A from? | ||
| For drinking bullshit water. | ||
| Like if you go to Tom Segura's house and his son gives you toilet water, I get a hepatitis A shot before I go there. | ||
| But like, yeah, it's crazy the way that medicine's changed. | ||
| Ketamine. | ||
| When I was in college, ketamine, cat tranquilizer, you partied with it, right? | ||
| Isn't it weird how you're scared to drink toilet water, but you're not scared to eat ass? | ||
| I'm not afraid to eat ass at all. | ||
| Isn't that kind of crazy? | ||
| Well, we clean it up first. | ||
| We don't go in there. | ||
| How much do you clean it up? | ||
| Do you clean it up like a whole bowl of water? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| The floor is probably lake cleaner than ass. | ||
| And you're like, get that toilet water away from me. | ||
| What I would do is I'd chug that in front of that kid and let him know. | ||
| You want to know about eating ass now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Want to know what I'm scared of? | ||
| It would have been great if Tom just grabbed it, killed it, and goes, I want to tell you something about me and your mom. | ||
| The son's like, huh? | ||
| He's like, I eat her asshole too. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Hey, hot one coming in. | ||
| Imagine, five years old, finding out about eating ass. | ||
| What year do you think you were when you found out about eating ass? | ||
| I thought you were going to say about, well, it was the same time I ate ass. | ||
| Like, I didn't know you could do it until I did it, yeah. | ||
| Did you fall asleep and then wake up and lick the wrong thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| I fucking loved eating ass. | ||
| I loved eating ass. | ||
| I loved spitting in mouths. | ||
| I loved all of that. | ||
| When I was young, it was almost like, do you remember when your parents would leave you at home and you just were like, I'm going to jack off 20 times today? | ||
| Am I the only one? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a lot. | |
| Like twice. | ||
| Twice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Twice. | ||
| I've done twice. | ||
| I remember when exploring my heterosexuality in college and being like, I'm doing every page of the book. | ||
| Exploring your heterosexuality? | ||
| Yeah, like someone would explore their homosexuality? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I explored my heterosexuality and I did every page of the book. | ||
| Why can't it just be your sexuality? | ||
| Because I want to let them know that they're represented as well. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I met a gay dude when I moved to New York, and he talked to me about being gay, and it was like reading a book I didn't expect to read, and I loved it. | ||
| He was like, yeah, I got fucked out of a loft the other day, and I was like, what? | ||
| Whoa, out of a loft? | ||
| And he had a black eye, and he came in. | ||
| Like he fell off the top? | ||
| The guy was fucking pounding him, and I remember hearing about that and being like, whoa. | ||
| And then I realized... | ||
| If you look at sexuality, I did the same shit in college. | ||
| I wasn't great at sex in high school. | ||
| I was really bad. | ||
| Did you study? | ||
| No. | ||
| Did you get a bad ride? | ||
| Did you get a coach? | ||
| For losing my virginity, it was a fucking nightmare. | ||
| I didn't put you fuck a ghost Mark Norman and I mark Norman and I were in in Europe and I came down. | ||
| We were both hungover as fuck. | ||
| You ever be in a shower and the wind's blowing so the curtain keeps touching your body? | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Every day of my life. | ||
| Mark's in the worst place. | ||
| He's hungover as fuck as shit. | ||
| Shit and blood, throwing up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Mark can't hang for anybody. | ||
| Well, he can't hang with you. | ||
| Listen, I run that dude into the dirt. | ||
| You're uncomfortable. | ||
| Your ability to absorb alcohol makes me uncomfortable. | ||
| I enjoy now putting Mark onto his heels. | ||
| Yeah, he can't fuck with you. | ||
| He shouldn't be trying. | ||
| I got him IVs every fucking morning. | ||
| He's not big enough. | ||
| You're encompassing much more mass. | ||
| That's a factor. | ||
| So I wake up, I get down to the bus, or the car, or whatever, to go to the airport, and Mark's just not feeling good, and I go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mark Norman might be $1.70, right? | |
| Maybe. | ||
| Oh, not even that much. | ||
| How much did he win? | ||
| You could hold him down, right, Jamie? | ||
| He's not too far off from me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like $1.95. | |
| At the most I would say he's in the 70s. | ||
| I don't think 25 pounds less than me. | ||
| So Burt has got to be 240. I'm 240 right now. | ||
| Yeah, see that's a large difference for the amount of volume that the alcohol is going through. | ||
| Because I keep him at my pace. | ||
| I keep him at my pace. | ||
| And you know this motherfucker has a swollen liver. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know his liver is like extra large. | |
| No, not bad. | ||
| You know Roy Jones Jr. has one gigantic left bicep and his right bicep is normal size? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, his production company is called Left Hook Productions, because Roy Jones Jr., a lot of times you wouldn't even lead with a jab. | ||
| You would just lead with a left hook, because his left hook was so lightning fast, and because he threw it so many times, his left bicep is gigantic. | ||
| Look at his left bicep. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Yeah, it's wild, dude. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| Oh, so that's my liver, and that's Mark Norman's liver. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly! | |
| That's what I'm trying to tell you. | ||
| That liver gets work. | ||
| That liver gets work like Roy Jones Jr.'s left bicep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I put in the work, brother. | ||
| And I get up, like, my favorite thing, and this is something that, like I said, this podcast has brought to my brain, is the benefits of busting your ass on a treadmill at like 6 in the morning, 5 in the morning, and putting in work after you partied all night, and getting, flooding that system, water, and feeling great, right? | ||
| Yeah, you know what else is really good, too? | ||
| Glutathione. | ||
| Glutathione is my bitch! | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| You get it on every IV. I get it on every IV. It's really good, and it actually helps you metabolize alcohol. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| Again, please, ladies and gentlemen, if I'm having a discussion about anything other than MMA, jujitsu, comedy, maybe playing pool. | ||
| Don't listen to me. | ||
| That's what I know. | ||
| I know those things fairly good. | ||
| I get glutathione every time, and then I get the big vitamin C, two vitamin Bs, 12 and 7 or whatever, and then my other thing is magnesium. | ||
| Vitamin C is huge if you're sick, too. | ||
| What's worse than poor sleep, bad diet, stress, and drinking alcohol drastically deplete your glutathione levels and restrict natural replenishment. | ||
| When there is not enough glutathione available in your blood cells and liver, these toxic chemicals start to build up in your body. | ||
| So it says NAC, which I also take, increases your body's ability to produce glutathione Which is great because I eat that too, bitch! | ||
| What's NAC? How do I get that? | ||
| We'll tell you in a minute. | ||
| I forget how to say it, but we'll tell you in a second. | ||
| Glutathione, which is an antioxidant that can reduce the toxicity causing your painful hangover. | ||
| NAC is also a useful nutrient for liver support and doesn't have any major side effects, making it ideal for combating your hangover without adding nausea or drowsiness. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| Let's find out what NAC is. | ||
| I get that every time. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Okay, NAC is... | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| It's N-acetylcysteine. | ||
| I don't know if I'm saying that right. | ||
| N-acetylcysteine is an antioxidant that may play a role in preventing cancer. | ||
| As a drug, it's used by healthcare providers to treat... | ||
| What is that word? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Acetaminophen. | |
| Oh, acetaminophen, Tylenol, overdose. | ||
| So I take that stuff. | ||
| And glutathione, Dr. Mark Gordon was the first person to explain that to me. | ||
| And he endorses, he says you should take liposomal glutathione if you want to take a supplement for glutathione. | ||
| Because it's really good to take as you're drinking. | ||
| Or right when you're done. | ||
| I got to the place where I was like, I think, so I started doing IVs right after I got dosed by Ari. | ||
| I started doing IVs, and I was like, they're fucking super helpful. | ||
| Super helpful. | ||
| And then I heard you guys, I don't know if I'm telling tales and edited it out if I am, but you guys were going on the road with Chappelle, and Chappelle was like, yo, IV up, let's go. | ||
| He was the first guy that introduced me to IVs on the road. | ||
| We've done a few shows together, but one of the first ones we did together was in Tacoma. | ||
| So we did the show in Tacoma, and then he has like IVs everywhere. | ||
| I go, what's going on? | ||
| It's like everybody gets a vitamin drip, IV, and glutathione. | ||
| I'm like, I'm in. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| So we all sat around a hotel room and got fucking IV drips. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| It's the greatest thing, man. | ||
| You feel almost immediately slightly more vibrant. | ||
| If you're aware of your body, and if you work out all the time, you have a pretty good sense of how hard you can push it or where it feels at a certain time. | ||
| That's one of the best ways to know if you're sick, right? | ||
| To understand your body. | ||
| When you get a little jolt, you're like, ooh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is something. | ||
| I don't think this is just a placebo effect. | ||
| There's something to this, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, we got them. | ||
| Jamie, if you pull up my Instagram, I had the most beautiful morning planned. | ||
| We did Red Rocks the night before, right? | ||
| Look at you guys. | ||
| Bunch of junkies out there. | ||
| My wife's in. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| Dave Williamson. | ||
| Tom Haislip, Dave's wife. | ||
| Mark Norman. | ||
| Who's the guy with the mask in the back? | ||
| What's he scared of? | ||
| That's actually our doctor. | ||
| That's the guy administering them. | ||
| The doctor's got a mask on. | ||
| Everybody else is drunk. | ||
| Shout out to Rocky Mountain IVs. | ||
| Look at the doctor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all drinking. | |
| The doctor's stepping way back. | ||
| He's like, thank God this shit doesn't transmit outside. | ||
| Dude, we all got IVs. | ||
| I ordered them. | ||
| I got them under the trees. | ||
| Do you have a mimosa in your hand? | ||
| I do have a mimosa. | ||
| You're drinking a mimosa while you have an IV. I just did Red Rocks the night before. | ||
| I had the greatest night of my fucking life. | ||
| Don't be defensive. | ||
| I'm asking questions. | ||
| I got everyone IVs. | ||
| This is the first round. | ||
| We got another round. | ||
| And then we all went out to Jimmy Buffett that night. | ||
| We got them the night before the show. | ||
| Mark Norman goes, you want NADS? Mark goes, I've never had it. | ||
| Let's try it. | ||
| I'm like, Mark, you're about to perform in front of 10,000 people. | ||
| Maybe you don't want to try a brand new drug. | ||
| And he goes, ah, Rogan does it. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Mark comes off, he's like, that's the best goddamn thing I've ever felt in my life! | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| How long, did you guys do it for like two hours? | ||
| You watch a movie or anything? | ||
| Mark, I think they did the shot. | ||
| Oh, that's good, too. | ||
| The shot's good, too. | ||
| I've done that. | ||
| That's actually way more comfortable. | ||
| The drip is uncomfortable. | ||
| Dave Williamson gets the shot, and he goes, doesn't know what it is. | ||
| Then he goes, whoa. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, for a few minutes. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I think I'm having a heart attack. | ||
| And I go, is that the NAD thing? | ||
| And he goes, is there a side effect? | ||
| He goes, oh, you feel tightness in your chest, a little uneasiness. | ||
| You're going to throw up. | ||
| It feels like a heart attack, but you're going to be fine. | ||
| Dave's like, grrr. | ||
| Yeah, the drip is worse. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that's why they do it over two hours. | ||
| You sit there for like, you watch a movie or something. | ||
| I could do that. | ||
| It's comfortable. | ||
| Oh, you know what I want to do? | ||
| Yeah, just watch a movie and you don't even notice that it's in your arm. | ||
| I want to do the... | ||
| Hyperbaric chamber? | ||
| You knew it, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I did 60 of those over 90 days. | ||
| That's what I want to know about. | ||
| Gabby Reese calls me up right after I get my surgery. | ||
| By the way, huge shout out to Gabby and Laird. | ||
| They're awesome humans. | ||
| They're just good people. | ||
| They're amazing, and they're giant. | ||
| When you're around them, you're like, oh, I'm so tiny. | ||
| They call me up. | ||
| You know what I love? | ||
| I'm a FaceTime motherfucker. | ||
| I like that too. | ||
| I FaceTime everyone. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I like when people FaceTime me and don't expect it. | ||
| I like that even more. | ||
| Like I'm taking a shit? | ||
| FaceTime from Gabby Reese, right? | ||
| I'm making coffee, and it's Laird Hamilton. | ||
| And I go, I like panic, right? | ||
| This is like, dude, I've watched surf on YouTube. | ||
| I've known this guy since North Shore. | ||
| I know this guy. | ||
| And I know Gabby. | ||
| I went to Florida State. | ||
| And he goes, hey, man, I appreciate you promoting the health stuff, the turmeric and the coffee. | ||
| Yeah, his coffee shit is amazing. | ||
| His coffee's amazing. | ||
| I go, man, I'm a big fan. | ||
| And then Gabby, real quick, pulls the phone away. | ||
| She's like, all right, that's later. | ||
| Hey, what's going on with you? | ||
| Just a good person. | ||
| This is super nice. | ||
| She's like, you need to get in the hyperbaric chambers. | ||
| She's great for healing. | ||
| Fix that arm of yours. | ||
| She's like, what's your protocol? | ||
| And I'm like, Gabby, you're talking to the wrong motherfucker. | ||
| I remember I was on news radio, and I did a celebrity volleyball game once. | ||
| And she was there, and there was this dude from Baywatch who was there, and one of the kids from Home Improvement was there. | ||
| And I had a serious case of imposter syndrome. | ||
| Because nobody knew who I was, you know? | ||
| And I was there, and I was like, wow, that's Gabby Reese. | ||
| Like, that's the lady from the Olympics. | ||
| I'm like, that's the kid from Home Improvement. | ||
| And I'm like, that's that dude from Baywatch. | ||
| And literally, I don't even think I was on news radio then. | ||
| I think I was on Hardball. | ||
| I think I was on that Fox show. | ||
| No one knew who I was. | ||
| And I remember, like, I get texts from her every now and then. | ||
| I'm like, I remember, like, I saw you at that volleyball game. | ||
| And I was like, I can't believe she's really right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| She was, like, growing up in Florida, she was a legend. | ||
| And I know she wouldn't be comfortable with this, but, like, she went to Florida State. | ||
| That was the one person that jumped out. | ||
| Her and Dion jumped out of Florida State and went on to a global scale. | ||
| MTV for her, Dion the pros. | ||
| She's a legit, like, one-in-a-million athlete, too, when she was a volleyball player. | ||
| Different, different. | ||
| And you know what good people they are? | ||
| They hit me up when Tom got hurt. | ||
| And they were like, hey, let us know about Tom's recovery. | ||
| We want to help him out. | ||
| We're doing stuff in the pool that might be good for his... | ||
| Like, that's how their brains work. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Laird Hamilton is a special kind of freak human, man. | ||
| When you see that... | ||
| Like, a lot... | ||
| Like, people overuse that word. | ||
| Like, freak. | ||
| And I'm probably guilty of it myself, but listen to me on this one. | ||
| Listen to me on this one, because I'm not fucking around. | ||
| That guy... | ||
| He told me he does an airdyne machine inside a sauna. | ||
| So he gets a sauna, he puts oven mitts on. | ||
| He's doing these wild things where he's taking like 75 pound dumbbells and jumping into the pool and swimming while holding a 75 pound, you know how fucking hard that is? | ||
| Dude, I watched him the first time in a polar plunge. | ||
| Now, I had done them because I thought it was a cool thing. | ||
| What's a polar plunge? | ||
| You jump into the frozen lake or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| The same thing you do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That polar plunge. | |
| Oh, the ice bath. | ||
| Yeah, the ice bath. | ||
| I watched him in an ice bath do like four minutes or six minutes. | ||
| Something crazy. | ||
| Maybe eight minutes. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And I remember saying, I remember going like trying it and I could do one minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're looking at him top to bottom in ice and I go, so the human body can do that. | ||
| Yeah, the human body can definitely do it, but you have to be really careful. | ||
| The reason why you have to be careful is because a guy like that, or a guy, you know, like even Wim Hof, like Wim Hof can do, we discovered he can do like an hour and 20 or something like that, something insane. | ||
| A regular person who's not accustomed to those kind of conditions and doesn't know their limit, the problem is you can get to a point of no return where you can really hurt yourself. | ||
| Where you lower your body temperature? | ||
| I've done that before. | ||
| You can get legit hypothermia. | ||
| And when I did 20 minutes inside that ice bath, I was like, hmm. | ||
| I was freezing. | ||
| I drove to work. | ||
| In 95 degree Texas heat, or whatever the fuck it was, 90 degree Texas heat, and I kept the windows rolled up, and I kept the AC off the whole time, and I was still freezing. | ||
| I was freezing all the way to work. | ||
| I couldn't, I watched you, so like, so just before you did One Minute, I had done Four minutes. | ||
| My personal trainer is Lacey Mackie, Tate Fletcher's girlfriend. | ||
| She's amazing. | ||
| She's amazing. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| So we do these Saturday morning trainings where our four families, we call them the campers, we all go and train together, and Lacey's our coach, and she does fun things for the whole family, but more importantly, we do a little bit of sauna, a little bit of polar plunge for all of us. | ||
| So we had this bathtub. | ||
| We hadn't built a house yet. | ||
| We had a bathtub that was going to our master bath. | ||
| We get like 300 pounds of ice, dump it in the bathtub. | ||
| It's in a box out in our backyard. | ||
| And she goes, four minutes. | ||
| You should do four minutes. | ||
| And I've only done a minute at that time. | ||
| And she teaches us. | ||
| We all go into the gym. | ||
| She does... | ||
| Over-oxygenated breathing, right? | ||
| So we all breathe really hard and get our breath up. | ||
| Not hallucinogenic, but we breathe really hard. | ||
| And then she teaches us box breathing. | ||
| And she goes, all right, so we'll do box breathing when you're in there. | ||
| Is she doing six, six, and six? | ||
| Four and four. | ||
| And by the way, I apologize if I'm doing the wrong thing. | ||
| Lacey, feel free to correct me. | ||
| But four breaths in, hold for four breaths. | ||
| Four breaths out, hold for four breaths. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| For four, hold for four. | ||
| Oh, you mean seconds. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then relax for four. | ||
| Out for four, and then hold for four. | ||
| And so we do four second Brock's breathing. | ||
| I go in first, and Joe, I swear to you, I think it's all in line, Jamie, but you don't have to pull it up. | ||
| I've only done a minute at this time. | ||
| I think I did four minutes. | ||
| Four minutes and I was like... | ||
| After the box breathing. | ||
| Doing box breathing. | ||
| She was like, panic breath, panic breath, coaching us through it. | ||
| Got a watch on us. | ||
| And then my daughter goes in, Georgia, 17 years old. | ||
| She goes, you can do this, George. | ||
| And George gets in and... | ||
| Does fucking four minutes. | ||
| And then all the kids go in. | ||
| They do this box breathing, four minutes. | ||
| Now my daughter Isla is obsessed with it. | ||
| And I got the Renews, I wish I knew the name of it. | ||
| Renew, like legit polar plunge like you got. | ||
| But I think it's called Renew or something. | ||
| Renew. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Renew. | |
| I'm so sorry for that guy that Zoe would love for me to say it right right now. | ||
| We'll figure it out. | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| We got it in my backyard and my daughter Isla loves to go in there, box breathe for four minutes and fucking pound out. | ||
| Yeah, there's a thing about the cold exposure is people get really excited about how you feel afterwards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because when the rush of all your blood goes to your core to try to keep your organs alive, and then you get out and it all floods to your body, you feel amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that was explained to me by Dr. Rhonda Patrick. | ||
| Shout out to Rhonda Patrick. | ||
| Shout out to her. | ||
| That woman's a... | ||
| She's an amazing person. | ||
| I've texted her a million times and thank you to that woman. | ||
| She's always replied and been like... | ||
| Maybe you don't want... | ||
| You should try the sauna. | ||
| She's super cool. | ||
| I've been friends with her forever. | ||
| She's a fascinating person. | ||
| But one of the things that I had a chance to do was see her first time ever in a cryo chamber. | ||
| I took her to cryotherapy in Woodland Hills after the podcast. | ||
| We all went down there. | ||
| And Jamie, you went in there too, right? | ||
| Didn't we all go in there that day? | ||
| We all went in there, and she did three minutes, and she came out, and she's like, oh my god! | ||
| Okay, now I get it. | ||
| And she's like, as a scientist, she's explaining, oh my god, the norepinephrine is running through my veins. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was pretty dope. | ||
| Didn't we film that? | ||
| Didn't I film her? | ||
| It's probably on your... | ||
| I think it's on the Instagram. | ||
| I'm 99% sure. | ||
| I would love to see that. | ||
| I filmed her coming out of the cryotherapy chamber the very first time she ever did it. | ||
| But that feeling is what, yeah, there it is. | ||
| That's her. | ||
| But I think there's a video, if you find out whatever that day is, it's like that same day. | ||
| Now, there was the same people on Ventura that I think Joey and I hooked up with. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Woodland Hills. | ||
| Is that where it is? | ||
| Yeah, Cryotherapy Woodland Hills. | ||
| And I'd go in and they'd recognize me and they're like, hey, Joey Diaz was just in here. | ||
| I was like, oh, you could pick your music and go in and just fucking jam out. | ||
| Every time, Foo Fighters. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| There goes my hero's socks and gloves on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's nice. | |
| You know what my go-to song was? | ||
| What? | ||
| Dragon Attack by Queen. | ||
| Wait, what's that song? | ||
| Oh my God, you don't know that song? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Well, since we're on Spotify. | ||
| Oh, shut up. | ||
| Young Jamie, get Dragon Attack. | ||
| Listen, we'll find out. | ||
| They haven't kicked us off yet. | ||
| Dude, I'm still living off Fear Factor Money. | ||
| I'm ready to go! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's go! | |
| This is my freezing to death music. | ||
| 250 degrees below zero. | ||
| I'd have oven mitts on, mitts on, and then I would have the earmuffs on. | ||
| You have to put the earmuffs on because you want to keep your ears from freezing and your hands. | ||
| And then I would always put my hands right over my junk because that would also get cold. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I would dance. | ||
| Oh, this is a good song. | ||
| This is my song. | ||
| This is my I'm freezing to death song. | ||
| I knew exactly where it would cut off. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sometimes it'd be a problem. | ||
| I would need another song. | ||
| It's 4 minutes and 27 seconds, so I had a lot of songs that were like 2.30, like some old school ACDC songs that didn't quite make it to like 3 minutes. | ||
| But this is a good solid... | ||
|
unidentified
|
So hear me, freezing to death. | |
| God. | ||
| With a mask on, by the way. | ||
| It was my first experience with surgical masks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| This is a good freezing song. | ||
| It's good because a lot of people don't know about it too. | ||
| I found out about this song from Joey Diaz. | ||
| He pulled into the Comedy Store pocket and goes, Cocksocker, come listen to this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, Dragon Attack, motherfucker! | |
| Joey Diaz should be on Spotify and just do a Joey Diaz DJ channel. | ||
| Oh my god, it'd be the most amazing show on Spotify. | ||
| Because he's so good at walking you through a song. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And he's a giant music fan. | ||
| Hardcore. | ||
| That'd probably be the best thing that he could ever do. | ||
| Other than his comedy, Joey Diaz doing a podcast where he just breaks down music. | ||
| How great would it be? | ||
| You come home late night, right? | ||
| You come home from the store with a comedy club and you get back to your man cave and you smoke a little weed, get a cocktail. | ||
| Uncle Joey Radio. | ||
| Just call it Uncle Jody Radio. | ||
| And have him on Spotify with all of his favorite music. | ||
| And then tell stories. | ||
| Tell stories about how Robert Plant used to go on stage every night wearing the shirt of the girl he fucked the day before. | ||
| Dude, or a Joey Diaz pump you up. | ||
| Let me tell you something, cocksucker. | ||
| We're fucking America. | ||
| And you hear fucking Ramblin' Man come on. | ||
| Can you play Ramblin' Man by... | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| By Ramblin' Gamblin' Man by... | ||
| Not that one, not that one. | ||
| That's the Army Brothers, dude. | ||
| Joey Diaz turned me on to... | ||
| Goddamn Fogarty. | ||
| What's the guy's name? | ||
| Ramblin' Gamblin' Man. | ||
| Who sings it? | ||
| Joey Diaz should definitely do this. | ||
| You talking about Bob Seger? | ||
| Bob Seger. | ||
| Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey Diaz, tell you a story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I ain't good looking, but you know I ain't shy. | |
| Listen, man. | ||
| Let me tell you something, cocksucker. | ||
| 1969. We're fucking Americans! | ||
| This city was built on Detroit! | ||
| People got confused about Bob Seger because of that, like, lack of rock. | ||
| This is the real Bob Seger. | ||
| I was born lonely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was born lonely down by the riverside. | |
| I was just 13 when I had to leave home. | ||
| I was born lonely down by the riverside. | ||
| I had to roam. | ||
| Ain't good looking. | ||
| But you know I ain't shy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ain't afraid to look for. | |
| On the green! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Joey Diaz! | |
| Love this! | ||
| And I give it right away. | ||
| Take a little time now. | ||
| And maybe I'll stay. | ||
| But I got you real more. | ||
| Gambling man! | ||
| Ramblin', gambling man! | ||
| The best part of this song? | ||
| There's no, like, all of a sudden it goes from this to... | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Turn it up, turn it up. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Joey Diaz needs a fucking Spotify channel where he just DJs. | ||
| Because the way he can inspire you, when you go to it... | ||
| Keep that on, keep that on. | ||
| You go to that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, honey. | |
| Let's see if we get sued. | ||
| We're trying to promote music. | ||
| We're trying to promote Spotify. | ||
| This is Spotify. | ||
| I like that it sounds like shit. | ||
| Because it seems like someone's cassette deck. | ||
| Like I'm sitting in a 69 Camaro. | ||
| Joey Diaz, when you'd go and you'd eat too many edibles with him or smoke weed, and he'd give you a... | ||
| Let me tell you something about Roseanne Ball! | ||
| And he's just fucking going to rant? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, listen, man. | ||
| I've learned a lot about music from Joey Diaz. | ||
| I've learned a lot about life from Joey Diaz. | ||
| My dad eats weed because of Joey Diaz. | ||
| I'm trying to get Joey Diaz to move to Texas. | ||
| It's going to take some time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've got a strategy, though. | |
| Got to open up my club first. | ||
| It's been a nightmare. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm an entrepreneur over here, Bert Breischer. | |
| Is it because it was on an Indian burial ground or something? | ||
| Yeah, it was a Stephen King movie. | ||
| I was in a Stephen King movie. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'll explain to you afterwards. | ||
| I'm under a non-disclosure agreement. | ||
| I can't discuss it on the Al Gore's internets. | ||
| Those NDAs. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Did you see Biden got a booster? | ||
| Biden got a booster today. | ||
| No way. | ||
| He said they've given like a billion shots. | ||
| Maybe he's talking about the whole world. | ||
| I love when Biden starts talking numbers. | ||
| The guy's doing bang up work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably the best work ever. | |
| When Kyle Dunnigan does Biden impressions. | ||
| Kyle Dunnigan's gold. | ||
| Gold. | ||
| Gold. | ||
| There's a few guys that have emerged from this pandemic stronger because of it. | ||
| Let's name him. | ||
| Andrew Schultz. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I mean, not as MMA commentating so much, but yeah, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's doing a lot. | |
| He's stirring up some shit. | ||
| Listen, he's my homie, and Valentina Shevchenko's going to be on the podcast soon. | ||
| No one's a bigger Valentina Shevchenko, I would say, nut rider than me, but she's a woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If she was a man, I would say I was a nut rider. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Schultz is great, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that guy. | |
| I love him. | ||
| He's just talking shit. | ||
| He was funny as fuck, man. | ||
| I saw him film a special down here at the Paramount. | ||
| He filmed a special right here in Austin. | ||
| Yeah, it was awesome. | ||
| He added two shows, right? | ||
| Yeah, well, we talked about it. | ||
| I think a person filming a special should do four shows. | ||
| That's just my opinion. | ||
| Booyah. | ||
| Yeah, and I think the reason why is if you do four shows, you feel comfortable enough that you're not under the gun. | ||
| And I always go back to this, and I go back to this as a giant Bill Hicks fan, but I remember Bill Hicks, Relentless. | ||
| I'm pretty sure they only filmed one show in London at a giant theater. | ||
| And I felt like he was tight. | ||
| He was sweating, right? | ||
| Well, it's not sweating doesn't bother me. | ||
| It does, me. | ||
| And I sweat on my first special. | ||
| But it's, like, sometimes the AC's all fucked up or whatever. | ||
| I don't think it's a nerves thing. | ||
| I think he was... | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| I just mean he was tight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was tight. | ||
| It didn't seem like loose Bill Hicks. | ||
| Like, there's a... | ||
| You can say a thing and be slightly uncomfortable and the audience... | ||
| Knows you're slightly uncomfortable or you can say the exact same thing and be loose as a goose and the audience gets it and they're with you and it's with with no hesitation because It's a dance like the and sometimes you step on people's toes and the the set goes weird and your best chance for that not happening My opinion after doing a bunch of specials is four shows because when you do four shows, you know, you got it in the bag. | ||
| Yeah Like, Triggered, I used most of, like, one show. | ||
| Because it was like, I like that one the most. | ||
| And it was like, one bit. | ||
| How many did you do for Triggered? | ||
| I did four. | ||
| I did four for... | ||
| I started doing four in 2016. Because I did two in 2014, and one of them was Lady Heckler. | ||
| Rocky Mountain High? | ||
| Yeah, it was a great, it was a fun time. | ||
| The audience was awesome. | ||
| It wasn't even her fault. | ||
| It was like someone who was telling the crowd, like, they said something, they were just trying to prep everybody before the show, and they said something that they might not, it might have not been a good idea. | ||
| They said, like, Try not to yell out too much. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, don't say too much. | ||
| Say please don't yell anything out because this is a filming. | ||
| This is all you say. | ||
| And he made it almost like a challenge. | ||
| If you're a person, you've had a cup of cocktails, you think, I'm going to contribute to the show. | ||
| Maybe you've never even been to a comedy show. | ||
| But she heckled to this part of the bit where it makes sense what I'm saying if you just let me keep saying it. | ||
| Like, don't get mad now. | ||
| In a few seconds, you're going to understand where I'm going. | ||
| It's a setup for a bit. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, now I only have one show. | ||
| And the second show, I was like, I have to have that bit because it was like a cornerstone of my set. | ||
| I was like, I've got to get that bit out. | ||
| Luckily, nobody heckled me in the second show. | ||
| Rocky Mountain High was a great special. | ||
| I was on Comedy Central, I watched it on my iPad on my couch, and you had a bit about religion, correct? | ||
| I'm sure I did. | ||
| You had a bit about religion, but what was interesting about your bit about religion, and this, I see Bill Maher's name's written right here, I don't know who you had last year, but what's interesting about it is you had a take on it But it wasn't super disrespectful. | ||
| And I liked that. | ||
| I thought it was really one of those things in comedy. | ||
| There's a few points in comedy as a comic that you watch other comics and you get inspired by the way they're working. | ||
| And you as a guy that has always had an angle, a take. | ||
| You talked about religion, but the way you did it was really... | ||
| I really was inspired by that Rocky Mountain High. | ||
| I remember where I was when I was watching it. | ||
| I guarantee I was just talking shit to be funny. | ||
| I don't know what I said. | ||
| I probably don't even believe what I said. | ||
| No, but it was like... | ||
| I don't remember the bit. | ||
| I don't remember the bit either, but there's a few bits that you go as a comic. |
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