April 13, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:11:18
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| And... | ||
| Hello, Allie! | ||
| Hi, Joe! | ||
| What's going on, kid? | ||
| How you living? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not much. | |
| I can call you kid for five more years. | ||
| Do I really get it that long? | ||
| Yeah, you get it to 30 because I'm 53. I'm an old man. | ||
| I can call you kid into your late 30s. | ||
| Yeah, because you'll always be older than me. | ||
| Yes, always. | ||
| You'll always be a kid. | ||
| I think kids should stop when I'm off my parents' insurance in September. | ||
| Then you'll call me an adult and I'll break my arm and I'll be like, Joe, can you help? | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, I would hear, when I was a kid, when I was in my 20s, I would hear men that were in their late 30s and 40s calling their significant other their girlfriend. | ||
| And I was like, that's a 39-year-old woman. | ||
| That's not a girl. | ||
| Well, now everyone's doing the partner thing. | ||
| I used to talk shit about it because I would have, like, straight friends who are like, this is my partner. | ||
| And I'm like, it's your boyfriend. | ||
| But now I kind of like it because girlfriend, boyfriend, it sounds so corny. | ||
| I actually got booed up, Joe. | ||
| You got booed up? | ||
| Yeah, I'm booed up. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I got a boyfriend. | ||
| Oh, you got a boyfriend? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have a boyfriend. | |
| That's what booed up means? | ||
| Yeah, you're booed up. | ||
| Oh, where'd you meet this fella? | ||
| Tinder. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I was trying to get an STD because I haven't had one yet. | ||
| And I found him and he's got nothing for me. | ||
| He's clean as a whistle. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Were you hoping to get one of them curable ones or one of them ones you keep forever? | ||
| If there's a pill for it, I'm like, give it. | ||
| Give it. | ||
| Like the clap? | ||
| Yeah, I'm on my insurance until September. | ||
| I'm like, fuck it. | ||
| Let's try it out. | ||
| Yeah, the way you're trying to get COVID, I'm trying to get like chlamydia or something. | ||
| I like chlamydia. | ||
| It's hard to spell. | ||
| It's a weird one because I feel like you don't know you have it and then you give it to people and then everyone's mad at you. | ||
| It's the COVID of venereal diseases. | ||
| You don't know you have it. | ||
| I just found out that I had COVID here. | ||
| Yeah, we found out just an hour ago or 20 minutes ago. | ||
| What's really crazy is that you didn't have any idea. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I mean, there was- Were you sick a little? | ||
| I was sick because I thought that I just had like a cold and I felt like really lethargic, but I'm a pretty lethargic person in general. | ||
| So I'm like, is this normal lethargy or like- For real. | ||
| And so I was like laying in bed, you know, taking like Tylenol or whatever and just kind of like trying to ride it out. | ||
| But I was going to a place. | ||
| This is what I think is so flawed is because COVID was so... | ||
| We found out so immediately. | ||
| It was like people were just coming out with testing centers that weren't fully prepared. | ||
| And so I was going to this place in L.A. getting tested regularly and I was getting negatives every time. | ||
| And then an article came out that that specific testing center had a lot of false negatives. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| So I thought I didn't have it. | ||
| But there was part of me that was like, this could be it. | ||
| But I tested negative. | ||
| Why did that particular testing center have a lot of false negatives? | ||
| Because the guy who created, it's called Curative Corps, and the guy who started it, I guess, was like a tech dude in SF, and when COVID hit, he's like, here's a money opportunity for me. | ||
| I'll just get a bunch of tests, make them happen quickly, and so he did that, and he made it happen, but there were a lot of false negatives reported. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder what he used, like, for testing. | ||
| That's, hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's bad. | ||
| It is bad. | ||
| That's because you get false confidence. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And that's the thing is I was, like, trying to, obviously when I got sick, I'm like, there's a chance that it could be COVID, so I'm not going to, like, be raging or anything when I'm not feeling good. | ||
| And so I just laid low, but that would be such a fear for me, is, like, going over to see my parents. | ||
| Because there's this weird thing where, like, young people my age and, like, boomers my parents' age, they both kind of don't give a fuck about COVID, some of them. | ||
| My parents care, but they're like, my sister, oh, she doesn't want me talking about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft! | |
| My sister didn't have COVID, but hypothetically, if she did around Christmas time, she's gonna be so mad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Don't say it. | ||
| She didn't have COVID, but if she did, my mom was like, if you test positive before COVID, just wear a mask over to my house. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your mom's risky. | ||
| She's a little risky gal. | ||
| That's where I get it from. | ||
| She's a risky lady. | ||
| Crazy ladies in the Makovsky home. | ||
| Yeah, that's the big fear. | ||
| I heard about this one kid who was 21 who was out partying, wasn't paying any attention at all, and almost killed his dad. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, he got it and barely knew he had it, and his dad got it real bad. | ||
| And his dad was in the hospital, and it was just horrific. | ||
| And they were just so worried that the kid was going to kill his dad. | ||
| And he didn't. | ||
| Not that he was going to kill his dad. | ||
| COVID did. | ||
| But I mean, if you're living with your parents, and you're just out there getting buck wild, and you're 21 years old, When so many people were moving back in with their parents during this time because they're not making money. | ||
| I was thinking about it. | ||
| I stayed with my mom the first two months and I was like, should I just live with her? | ||
| But I can't do that. | ||
| You want to still love her. | ||
| I want to love her, yeah. | ||
| I don't want to wake up with my hand around her neck and I'll be like, how did I get here? | ||
| Like a blackout rage. | ||
| Especially if you take Ambien. | ||
| I don't take Ambien. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| I watch reality shows. | ||
| People do a lot of that on Ambien. | ||
| One guy, I think this was an Ambien thing. | ||
| It might have been a sleepwalking thing. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was an Ambien thing. | ||
| I think he drove to someone's house and murdered them and then came home and didn't know he did it. | ||
| God, I'm trying to remember the specifics of the story, because Kevin James, my friend Kevin, you know, from King, Queens. | ||
| Of course I know Kevin. | ||
| Hilarious comedian. | ||
| He used to take the Ambien, and he had some experiences. | ||
| One of them where he cooked dinner and didn't realize it, and he literally thought someone broke into his house and cooked. | ||
| He's like, dude, I hire a private chef. | ||
| You just forget. | ||
| Like, big chunks. | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What was he saying here? | ||
| A forensic psychologist and two psychiatrists were involved in the two cases discussed. | ||
| So what are the cases? | ||
| In least three cases, a person with no apparent motive and no history of violence brutally murdered a spouse or close friend in the wee hours after taking more than the recommended dose of Zolpidem? | ||
| Is that the same as Ambien? | ||
| I typed in Ambien murders and this is what I got led to. | ||
| Zolpidem, along with other psychotropic medications. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing with a lot of that stuff, is if you combine them together, like maybe you could combine it together and you'd have no problem, but maybe if Jamie combined it together, he'd have a wildly different reaction and start merking people. | ||
| Jamie, let's test it out tonight. | ||
| Go to 6th Street, walk around town, pop a couple AMs. | ||
| So tell me about this fella. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| You met him on Tinder? | ||
| I met him on Tinder. | ||
| Well, it's funny because last time I was on your podcast, I was talking about how I like a lanky, skinny boy who needs me to snuggle for body heat. | ||
| You know, that's my kind, like a breakable boy. | ||
| And I found him. | ||
| He's a breakable boy? | ||
| 6'3", small guy. | ||
| How much does he weigh? | ||
| Has a lot of shitty tattoos. | ||
| We have that in common. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| I don't know how much he weighs. | ||
| I was going to say 130, but that would be way off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like 170. Oh, so he's a fairly sturdy fella. | |
| He's sturdy enough. | ||
| You're probably not going to break him. | ||
| Yeah, I'm working on it. | ||
| How long have you guys been together? | ||
| Five months, which is like five years in alley time. | ||
| In alley time, that's a lifetime. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When are you popping the ring? | ||
| I don't want to get married. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe at some point. | ||
| I'm a slow and steady type of gal. | ||
| I want to focus on myself. | ||
| I don't want to get distracted by weddings and dresses. | ||
| You know what's fucked up? | ||
| What's fucked up? | ||
| Okay, so here's the thing I didn't know. | ||
| So my mom allocated, like, a certain amount of money for me and my two sisters for when we get married, like, you know, X amount of dollars for a wedding dress, you know? | ||
| And last year, I think, like, 2020, when I did my 2019 taxes or 2020 taxes or something, I didn't realize with comedy you're supposed to be... | ||
| I've always been, like, a W-2 employee. | ||
| I've worked at food restaurants, like, whatever. | ||
| Oh, yeah, and paying your taxes. | ||
| No, I have been. | ||
| I'm very diligent. | ||
| I'm diligent. | ||
| But I didn't realize that like with comedy, it's all like 1099s. | ||
| You're like a private contractor of whatever club you're at. | ||
| And so I wasn't saving a portion of my comedy checks. | ||
| Yeah, you weren't paying your taxes. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Well, this was the first year that I had 1099s. | ||
| And so I didn't realize that I was supposed to be putting money away for taxes. | ||
| So my mom's like, do you want to get married or do you want to pay your taxes? | ||
| And so I was like, help me pay my taxes. | ||
| And I learned my lesson the hard way. | ||
| I was freaking out. | ||
| There was a bunch of guys in Boston that were big-time headliners that got paid in cash. | ||
| What a dream. | ||
| Yeah, and they liked to do coke. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And they were partying. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And they didn't pay their taxes for like a decade, and they all got hit. | ||
| And once the IRS hit one of them, then they realized all these other guys are doing the same thing. | ||
| And so Boston had like these... | ||
| Really big local headliners. | ||
| It's a very rare place where they would have headliners that were local guys that could sell out every weekend in a row. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was crazy and people come to see the same act over and over and over again. | ||
| It was a very unusual place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But these guys were going hard for more than a decade, two decades even. | ||
| And a lot of them got popped and they owed hundreds of thousands of dollars. | ||
| Hundreds of thousands in back taxes. | ||
| And then you just saddle down by this debt, thinking about all those times you just blew it on golf clubs and cars. | ||
| Oh yeah, you rethink everything you've ever done. | ||
| You're like, why did I get coffee ever? | ||
| I can run on water. | ||
| I don't need to go to Starbucks. | ||
| How much did you wind up on? | ||
| I think I owed maybe around $8,000, which might seem like pennies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a lot. | |
| It's a lot. | ||
| That's real money. | ||
| When you're collecting unemployment for COVID and you're like, can I use unemployment to pay my tax? | ||
| It was scary and I did not want to owe interest on it. | ||
| So luckily my mom helped a lot and I'm so grateful for that because it also taught me... | ||
| Now I save a third. | ||
| Every time I make money, I'm like, put that shit away. | ||
| I can't believe you didn't know. | ||
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You're not that young. | ||
| No one tells you when you get into... | ||
| I just didn't know anything. | ||
| I personally was so naive when I got into stand-up. | ||
| I never thought about all of the outside things that are involved in stand-up. | ||
| So I feel like I'm still learning. | ||
| What are the other outside things? | ||
| I feel like now with... | ||
| I don't know, just like booking my own flights to get to shows or like promoting my own shows and ticket sales and I don't know, just all these like weird things that come up along the way. | ||
| Like when I came to Texas, I'm like, am I supposed to rent a car? | ||
| Do I fly to each place? | ||
| Like where do I? I don't know. | ||
| You didn't know about all that? | ||
| Because you were going with other people before. | ||
| Before, yeah, I'd go with Santino on the road, Tony, and so I just had to show up, be on time, bring a suitcase, have some underwear to change into. | ||
| You know, that's pretty much all I had to do. | ||
| And now I'm the dude trying to figure out all the plans. | ||
| Right, and now you're headlining. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so you also have to deal with shitty middle acts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you done Florida yet? | ||
| I love Florida. | ||
| I have not done, like, an official headlining spot there. | ||
| I love Florida, too. | ||
| They have the worst acts ever to open for you. | ||
| It's almost like they do it on purpose. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| My buddy Shaw lives out there. | ||
| Worst dude I've ever seen. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Don't say that all long enough. | ||
| He's not. | ||
| I'm giving him a hard time. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Is there something about Florida road acts, though, where you're just like, Jesus. | ||
| Like, you can't listen. | ||
| You have to hide. | ||
| That's the thing about being in a major city like LA or New York is you can be shitty in LA or New York. | ||
| There's plenty of people who suck at comedy in big places, but you're surrounded by people who are also very good. | ||
| So you either grow out of that and keep working and growing over time or you don't get to see that as often and you kind of stay stuck. | ||
| Yeah, well, I think Miami has a community now. | ||
| I was there a few years back and they were telling me that there's like a pretty decent community in Miami. | ||
| I know Schultz is in Miami now and he's been doing a lot of gigs. | ||
| I think it's just cities need a scene, you know, if they don't have a scene. | ||
| Austin has a very nice scene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like even though Cap City went under, there's still plenty. | ||
| There's like a couple of new local clubs. | ||
| There's this Sunset Strip Club. | ||
| There's the Romo Room. | ||
| There's Vulcan Gas Company. | ||
| The Paramount is still doing shows. | ||
| I just saw Mark Norman last night. | ||
| He was there this weekend, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I went to his show. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| Oh, he was there last night too? | ||
| Yeah, I think they added a show, so I went. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Oh, it was so fun. | ||
| Eddie Pepitone was just here. | ||
| He was at the Creek in the Cave. | ||
| Yeah, that's the new one, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many is that seat? | ||
| Seat's like 90 or something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's pretty intimate because right now they just have the outdoor space. | ||
| I think they're working on the indoor space. | ||
| Oh, they have an outdoor space. | ||
| Oh, so it was an outdoor show. | ||
| It was an outdoor show. | ||
| The scene here's good. | ||
| Like when we've done Kill Tony here, the local opening acts are very funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's like a good amount of Rick real good talent in the city. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's cool. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to go tonight to Kill Tony. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| I'm excited. | ||
| And the music scene here is fucking incredible. | ||
| There's so many good bands here. | ||
| So many good musicians and artists. | ||
| It's a good scene. | ||
| It's a good scene. | ||
| Do you think you're in a honeymoon phase right now? | ||
| No, I've been coming here since the 90s. | ||
| I've always loved Austin. | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| COVID gave me a nice excuse. | ||
| It's just the lower population density is nice. | ||
| Because it's so big. | ||
| It's so spread out. | ||
| Well, it's just the numbers of people here are so minor in comparison to L.A. You know, it's not even close. | ||
| And it is spread out, but it's just people are more chilled here. | ||
| And there's no, there's the Hollywood influence. | ||
| There's an artistic influence here as opposed to like, I want to be famous influence. | ||
| Yeah, but at the same time, I feel like maybe with all the big comedians like yourself coming out here, it is kind of bringing... | ||
| We're going to ruin it. | ||
| Say it. | ||
| Just say it. | ||
| We're going to ruin it. | ||
| You're not going to ruin it, but there will be a time when people will think that this is a shortcut. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| A shortcut. | ||
| There's no shortcuts in comedy. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But you can't think that way. | ||
| Well, first of all, you know, comedy is one of the true meritocracies. | ||
| Because if you don't do well, if the people don't laugh, it stops. | ||
| There's a few people that are exceptions to that rule. | ||
| That have figured out a way to carve their way deep into the pores like some sort of a strange parasite. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But for the most part. | ||
| For the most part. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone's coming out here. | ||
| Not everyone. | ||
| Some people. | ||
| Some people went to Nashville. | ||
| Yeah, I've never been. | ||
| They went to Nashville. | ||
| Nashville's great. | ||
| And, you know, they got that Zanies Club, which is one of the best clubs in the country. | ||
| It's a great place to work out of. | ||
| Yeah, there's so many places I haven't been. | ||
| You've never been to Nashville? | ||
| Never been to Nashville. | ||
| Bitch, I gotta take you to Nashville. | ||
| Take me to Nashville. | ||
| Why don't you do a show out there? | ||
| Well, I had a show booked with Chappelle. | ||
| Oh, how have those been? | ||
| Fun. | ||
| Real fun. | ||
| I have so much FOMO. Yeah, sorry about that. | ||
| Watching everyone's stories out here. | ||
| I'm just in bed eating hot Cheetos and... | ||
| Hot Cheetos are fucking surprisingly good. | ||
| Oh, have you tried Takis? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, it's like, I was like a loyal Hot Cheetos gal. | ||
| Hot Cheetos are the best, and then I tried Takis. | ||
| What is a Taki? | ||
| How do you spell it? | ||
| T-A-K-I apostrophe S. Oh. | ||
| And they have all these, there's like a blue one, that's psycho, I haven't tried that, but it's almost like a Frito, like a corn chip, but it's rolled up. | ||
| It's a little roll, and then they have hot dust all over it. | ||
| Hot dust. | ||
| I don't know what the ingredient is for that, but it gets my butthole going every time. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You need to wake up, you're just like throwing some Takis. | ||
| Get set. | ||
| Yeah, they have ridiculous Tex-Mex out here. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird combination of, you know, Mexican food and whatever they're doing to it. | ||
| They call it Tex-Mex. | ||
| Yeah, Texican Mexican. | ||
| A lot of queso. | ||
| Like, queso, for whatever reason, I don't understand this, never caught on outside of Texas. | ||
| Do you think it's because it's just not good enough? | ||
| It's like one of those things where... | ||
| No, it's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's really good, I know. | ||
| Queso's amazing. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| Queso with chips, it's so good. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why more people don't do it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like a... | ||
| But I don't think it's a real cheese. | ||
| Is there a difference between queso and nachos? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you fucking communist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm asking. | |
| What is it? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Queso is a dip. | ||
| Nachos is the stuff on the outside. | ||
| It's mostly cheese and sour cream and jalapenos and meat. | ||
| It's a totally different thing. | ||
| Queso is like a bowl of like... | ||
| It's like a liquid cheese. | ||
| I don't think it's real cheese. | ||
| I think it's like a Velveeta type deal. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It's probably super bad for you. | ||
| It's just the cheese. | ||
| Yes, it's just the cheese, but sometimes it has meat in it. | ||
| Sometimes it has... | ||
| Like peppers? | ||
| Yeah, minced peppers. | ||
| Soto nachos, though. | ||
| No, but it's a bowl. | ||
| It's a bowl you dip into. | ||
| With queso and chips, you get a bowl of chips. | ||
| I've had it. | ||
| I'm like, how is this not... | ||
| This is just chips and cheese, though. | ||
| I've had this everywhere. | ||
| So white. | ||
| I'm Ohio. | ||
| What do you think, Joe? | ||
| Let's find out what are the ingredients of queso. | ||
| Because I don't think it's cheese. | ||
| I think it's like a Velveeta deal. | ||
| Sometimes you all have bad queso and you're like, did you just heat up half and half? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| There's a place out here that I need to go to that everybody talks about. | ||
| It's called Matt's El Rancho. | ||
| It's supposed to be the shit. | ||
| Have you been? | ||
| And I've had their chili con queso. | ||
| Is it the shape? | ||
| Very good, but I was like, this is just cheese and beef? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's chili con queso. | ||
| It's like beef and the cheese. | ||
| Queso is cheese in Mexican. | ||
| Ingredients of queso brings up chili con queso. | ||
| That's why I said it. | ||
| Mexican cheesed it. | ||
| Yeah, they do use some... | ||
| Chili pepper, tomatoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Velveeta. | |
| Yeah, Velveeta, I think, is the main deal. | ||
| And cream cheese. | ||
| Oh, I love cream cheese. | ||
| Cream cheese is pretty goddamn good. | ||
| I wish bagels were good for you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I wish they were. | ||
| It's like I got hit with a tranquilizer dart. | ||
| Oh, you're out after that. | ||
| Every Christmas, my dad does like a Jewish platter spread. | ||
| So I'll make bagels, whitefish, cod, lox, and we just get this whole spread. | ||
| And then I'm just like sitting on the couch in my Christmas PJs that are all matching with my siblings, just gassing it up. | ||
| And then you're like opening presents and you're like, what is it? | ||
| A gift card to Applebee's? | ||
| Great. | ||
| Just what I wanted right now. | ||
| That's what you usually got? | ||
| No. | ||
| I got some good stuff. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, because I used to be such a brat. | ||
| It's like embarrassing. | ||
| You used to be a brat? | ||
| I'm still kind of a brat. | ||
| I'm growing out of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How come I don't see that side of you ever? | ||
| Because that's just my family. | ||
| I feel like when you're with your family, it's like the child in you comes out. | ||
| Yeah, you revert. | ||
| Do you ever feel like that? | ||
| Well, where'd you grow up? | ||
| I grew up in Long Beach. | ||
| When you go back to Long Beach, do you feel like whatever weird shit you still have? | ||
| Oh, it's weird. | ||
| I still drive by my first boyfriend's house. | ||
| Oh, do you? | ||
| Do you honk your horn? | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Well, it's embarrassing because he lives in a cul-de-sac, so if he were to ever see me, he'd know that I was only there to stop by his place. | ||
| I thought you were going to say he lives in a cult. | ||
| I don't know what he's up to now. | ||
| He might be. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does he know what kind of car you drive? | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| When I first got a car, I had a Jeep Grand Cherokee, and now I've upgraded to a Kia Sportage 2018. Yeah, I don't want to flex too much on this podcast. | ||
| When I used to go back to high school, like to where I went to high school with, I felt like a fucking tremendous loser, like always. | ||
| Just being around it brought back the exact feelings that I felt like when I was in high school. | ||
| I sat in the bathroom at lunch in high school and it wasn't like it was this weird thing where I just felt different than everyone. | ||
| Like I wasn't bullied really. | ||
| I mean I'm sure I had like the moments of like everyone hates me they said this but I wasn't like bullied in any way but I just was like I was friends with everyone but I didn't feel like I had a place. | ||
| You know, I think a lot of people feel that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think more people feel that way than feel like they have a place. | ||
| It's just this transitionary period when you're a teenager where everything feels off. | ||
| Well and it's like in high school everyone kind of has their groups like there's you know the jocks and the pretty girls and the athletes whatever and I just never felt like I really fit into a group and so I would just sit alone in the bathroom and I don't know it's so weird looking back and then how miserable I was in high school I was like so depressed. | ||
| Yeah, my friends from high school all went to the other school on the other side of town. | ||
| They went to Newton North. | ||
| I went to Newton South. | ||
| But my friends that I'm still friends with to this day didn't even go to high school with me. | ||
| They were on the other side of town. | ||
| How'd you guys meet? | ||
| Parties? | ||
| Yeah, just being around the same town, you know? | ||
| Newton's small. | ||
| It's a small suburb of L.A. Named after Wayne? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Named after, yeah. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| I love like Vegas acts. | ||
| I remember the first time I heard that I'm like who is this girl that sings this song? | ||
| My sister did the same thing. | ||
| She said guess guess who sings this and I was like obviously a young lady with a beautiful voice that came from angels and she was like it's a dude who now looks like a lady. | ||
| Well, he has similar characteristics to older ladies in that he's working his face up. | ||
| I think I read something, though, that he has. | ||
| Jamie, you know what I'm about to say. | ||
| Pull it up, baby. | ||
| There's something I think that he has. | ||
| Like a disease? | ||
| Something. | ||
| I don't want to say, I don't want to badmouth my hero. | ||
| He's quite elderly. | ||
| Yeah, but I think he had... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe I read it on some fake... | ||
| Do you know Robert Redford is almost 90? | ||
| He's alive? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| Yeah, he's almost 90. I saw something on... | ||
| Something. | ||
| And they were like, Robert Redford. | ||
| He used to be a babe from what I've heard. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He was a handsome fellow. | ||
| All the ladies used to pull their skirts up from their ankles when they saw him. | ||
| Back in the day? | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| They're like, I'll show you my ankles. | ||
| Robbie... | ||
| They pulled their clogs off. | ||
| This is pretty good. | ||
| It's not right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like a little nervous my first CBD trip. | ||
| It doesn't do anything to you. | ||
| But then why do people do it? | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Well, CBD is good for inflammation and it helps some people with... | ||
| If you have anxiety, it helps people sleep. | ||
| But it helps with joint pain and inflammation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a mild dose. | ||
| These Killcliffs have 25 milligrams of CBD, which is not, you know, fairly mild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like a couple hundred at a time. | ||
| Do you ever shotgun him? | ||
| I mean a couple hundred milligrams at a time. | ||
| I get most of my CBD from actual supplements. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Show me that again, Jamie. | ||
| It's just young Wayne. | ||
| I can't find anything. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh, maybe I made that up. | ||
| See the picture of him in the middle? | ||
| Yeah, the middle top one. | ||
| See, that's not... | ||
| But I thought I read that there was something... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, clearly he's had a little bit of plastic surgery, but that's the problem is that... | ||
| That shit doesn't make you look good. | ||
| It just makes you look different. | ||
| I'm gonna get jacked up on that. | ||
| On plastic surgery? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| What do you think you're gonna do? | ||
| Get a cat face? | ||
| Well, I got small little baby white girl lips. | ||
| You wanna get them plumped? | ||
| When I smile, my lip just plays hide-and-seek with me. | ||
| It's like, where'd she go? | ||
| You ever used the filter on Snapchat? | ||
| Oh, it's dangerous. | ||
| Makes them giant. | ||
| The duck face filter? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a filter that makes your lips fat and shiny. | ||
| And then it makes your cheeks all juicy. | ||
| Oh, does it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Pumps the cheeks up. | ||
| Do you wish you had better lips? | ||
| Maybe you wouldn't be as funny if you were hotter. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's a hard balance. | ||
| You don't want to be some garbage troll. | ||
| But you don't want to be too sexy. | ||
| I had a guy tell me after a show... | ||
| He said, I don't get why you dress down on stage. | ||
| And I'm like, what do you want me to do? | ||
| Wear a bikini on stage? | ||
| Do you want to throw money at me? | ||
| I'll take getting thrown money at, but... | ||
| I think men just try to find a way to criticize a girl, to put her on her heels, so that, like, you get a little defensive, and so you're not, you know, you feel uncomfortable. | ||
| So he probably feels uncomfortable, so he wants you to feel uncomfortable. | ||
| So he says something like that, like, why don't you dress nicer? | ||
| And you're like, oh, why don't I dress nicer? | ||
| I don't give a fuck about what people say about how I dress. | ||
| Oh, look at you. | ||
| I mean, I probably do. | ||
| I'm, like, crying at night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why do you say I look like that? | |
| But you know what it is? | ||
| It's like inside, that's probably the little psychological game he's playing. | ||
| He probably doesn't feel comfortable with the fact that he's insecure around you. | ||
| So, uh, plus he sees you vaping. | ||
| You look kind of cool. | ||
| Blow it out. | ||
| Show everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's up, Post Malone? | ||
| I don't give a fuck about lung damage. | ||
| Yeah, it's so interesting because I get objectified looking like whatever he thinks I look like a troll on stage. | ||
| So if I'm trying to do it up and show off my body and look really sexy on stage, that doesn't feel comfortable to me. | ||
| I like wearing baggy pants. | ||
| I like wearing baggy shirts. | ||
| I just feel good. | ||
| When I just look like that. | ||
| And so if I'm already getting objectified... | ||
| How are you getting objectified? | ||
| Just like DMs and comments and stuff. | ||
| Is that objectified or is it just being hit on? | ||
| Because if it's a guy, are you being objectified? | ||
| If girls send you DMs, are you being objectified? | ||
| I don't know about the ins and outs. | ||
| That's just the word. | ||
| That objectified is a weird thing because it's like this pejorative that always gets used and I'm not always sure if it's the accurate thing to say because for sure men do objectify women sometimes. | ||
| Like some men look at a woman like, I just want to dig it in a hole. | ||
| Well, that's what my messages are for sure. | ||
| I want to stick it in your hole. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I would love to show you my messages. | ||
| I'm sure some guys do that to, like, any girl they run into. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| Don't you think, though, that's, like, really dumb magic tricks? | ||
| Like, like, ooh, let me see if I can trick you. | ||
| You know, like, you're going to have, like, really sophisticated con artists like Bernie Madoff, and then you're going to have really bad magicians, right, that are doing obvious tricks. | ||
| And it's like good comedy versus bad comedy. | ||
| It's like a terrible movie versus a fucking amazing movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like everything else. | ||
| There's levels to it. | ||
| And what you're getting in those DMs is just the hit version, like hit on you version of like a really shitty song or a really shitty story that someone wrote. | ||
| That's what you're getting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel comfortable the way I look on stage. | ||
| Okay, we'll go back to your shoe. | ||
| Whatever you want to wear. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Don't think about it. | ||
| Just be you. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Fuck that dude. | ||
| Fuck that dude. | ||
| No, he's a nice guy. | ||
| He was drunk. | ||
| Maybe he's not. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| He just wants to stick it in your hole. | ||
| He does. | ||
| He told me. | ||
| That was revealed later on in the conversation. | ||
| It's got to be weird being a girl. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| It's fun though, you know? | ||
| When girls go lesbian, I go, I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I've tried. | ||
| I go through seasons of lesbianism. | ||
| Every once in a while, I'm like, maybe... | ||
| Seasons. | ||
| I go through seasons, yeah. | ||
| Like baseball season? | ||
| I'm like, oh, it's fall. | ||
| It's fall. | ||
| I need a woman around. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, but I don't know. | ||
| There's like a disconnect. | ||
| I get really weird in intimate situations. | ||
| So I'm like, am I gay or do I just like get uncomfortable around everyone? | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Also, when I was growing up, everyone would call me a lesbian. | ||
| And so, growing up, I was like, I'm a lesbian. | ||
| Everyone already knows this. | ||
| They've told me I'm a lesbian. | ||
| My sisters. | ||
| They're like seven and five years older than me. | ||
| How did they say it? | ||
| Well, okay. | ||
| So I had really hairy legs growing up because my dad's like Russian and, you know, all that. | ||
| So I just have like thick, dark leg hair that came in early. | ||
| And so my sisters are like, oh, you know, back then everyone calls everything like gay and stuff. | ||
| And they were like growing up. | ||
| Back then? | ||
| You're fucking 12 years old. | ||
| You're talking about a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I was in like third grade. | ||
| So I was like six or seven. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You just didn't shave your legs? | ||
| No, because I was in the third... | ||
| When did kids shave their legs? | ||
| I started in third grade because my sisters called me a lesbian and stuff. | ||
| So you had to shave your legs? | ||
| Yeah, because they were making it sound like it was a bad thing. | ||
| To be a lesbian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My sisters are going to fucking hate this. | ||
| They're good people, but they were like, you know... | ||
| Back then they weren't. | ||
| Back then they weren't. | ||
| They've grown, yeah. | ||
| So they would just give you a hard time. | ||
| Yeah, they were just being big sisters, giving me a hard time, and so then I took it very personally and seriously. | ||
| The leg hair thing is very strange. | ||
| If you just stop and think about it, guys don't have to do jack shit about their leg hair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And no one cares. | ||
| No one gives a fuck. | ||
| But girls... | ||
| And no one talks about... | ||
| Guys... | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is how you know I'm about to say some real shit. | ||
| Guys always talk crap about girls not being kept up down there and shaved or whatever these guys my age are into. | ||
| They want Mr. Clean down in the pants, you know? | ||
| They want your bush trimmed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want it bald. | ||
| They want a bald eagle. | ||
| But then they have the nastiest balls and girls are like, oh, it'd be an honor to give you a blowjob. | ||
| That shit's disgusting. | ||
| It's different hair than your regular hair. | ||
| It's thick. | ||
| I didn't even know that balls change texture in different weather. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, like the skin. | ||
| Changes texture? | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| It looks like an alien. | ||
| Jamie knows what I'm talking about. | ||
| Jamie, do your balls change texture in different weather? | ||
| Jamie, Jamie, stay on my side. | ||
| That guy we saw with Tom Segura had a little different texture. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that was rough. | ||
| It's a unique situation. | ||
| The guy with the giant balls? | ||
| I haven't seen this. | ||
| Just some sad thing, but the guys have... | ||
| Like elephantitis? | ||
| Yeah, he had... | ||
| It's a... | ||
| Not common, but common enough where there's multiple examples of it where guys have enormous beach ball-sized testicles and they can barely get around. | ||
| It's a shame that there's no... | ||
| Like when girls have giant tits, it's like, hell yes. | ||
| There needs to be a movement for men who have giant balls. | ||
| Yeah, like Instagram photos of their balls on the beach. | ||
| You don't understand how big these are. | ||
| Like massive? | ||
| Yeah, you can't walk. | ||
| What does he wear, skirts? | ||
| Yeah, he has to wear like a skirt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a kilt? | |
| Yeah, and they have to cover, he has to cover his balls with like a tarp and like while he was eating his balls were out and on YouTube apparently because it's like not sexy at all, you're allowed to show that guy's balls. | ||
| Well, they probably don't even register his balls for YouTube. | ||
| Like whoever has to scan the videos is like who's to say what this is. | ||
| It's like a medical condition more than his balls. | ||
| Whereas like if Jamie had his balls out of his pants. | ||
| He does! | ||
| Have you looked over there? | ||
| My friend Tom, when we were kids, used to do this thing called sack walkin'. | ||
| You'd put him up above the belt? | ||
| No. | ||
| He would open his zipper, pull his sack out, and tuck his... | ||
| His cock would still be in his pants, but his balls would be out. | ||
| He'd call it sack walkin'. | ||
| He would just walk around and at a party. | ||
| He'd have a drink, his balls were out, he'd call it sack walkin'. | ||
| You know. | ||
| A little tougher with that. | ||
| That's that guy's balls. | ||
| Oh, wow! | ||
| See, weird texture. | ||
| Well, when you see the actual texture, you can see the actual texture. | ||
| Because in the YouTube video, they actually show the sack. | ||
| They'll allow you to see. | ||
| There's a lot of things going on. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yum! | ||
| You're allowed to look at it. | ||
| Yum! | ||
| Looks like a peach pit. | ||
| And this poor bastard actually has a one-inch dick, too. | ||
| Which is just... | ||
| Is it actually one inches or in like... | ||
| That's what he says. | ||
| He says he has a one inch penis. | ||
| So, Mother Nature just gave him the shittiest deck of cards ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's your hand. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your hand of cards. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you got a one. | ||
| Do you ever watch my 600 pound life? | ||
| I've watched a little bit of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I love it. | |
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because I relate in some ways. | ||
| In what way? | ||
| You're not 600 pounds. | ||
| Just in the compulsion and the feeling that food gives me. | ||
| I went to Cracker Barrel for the first time. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Have you been? | ||
| Of course I have. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| And they brought out this plate of biscuits and gravy and I was like blushing. | ||
| Like I was like smirking and giddy and like so excited. | ||
| You were blushing? | ||
| I was blushing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I just, yeah, when I have a plate in front of me, there's no part of my brain that goes, you've had enough, you don't need to finish all of this. | ||
| Of course you got the baggy clothes too, so don't worry about it. | ||
| Exactly, I can walk out unscathed. | ||
| Be wheeled out soon. | ||
| But yeah, I love those shows. | ||
| Why do you like those shows? | ||
| Do you feel like maybe you're okay because they're more fucked up than you? | ||
| No, it's like a hand guide of what to do in 15 years. | ||
| I'm like, okay, so get a partner who will wash under my boob crevice. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| They always have very loyal partners. | ||
| You have to have if you're going to be 600 fucking pounds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's got to be some weird codependency shit there. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| There was one story about this, I think it was a lady, who had melted into the couch, like the fibers of her body had intertwined with the couch because she hadn't gotten off the couch in so long. | ||
| And I don't know how she shit and pissed, but it probably wasn't nice. | ||
| I know, at the beginning of COVID, I was like, I'm more worried about getting bed sores than COVID. I'm just lounging. | ||
| Is that what you did? | ||
| Yeah, when I was at my mom's house, I was hoping that it would be done sooner, so I was like, I'll just pretend I'm at Coachella. | ||
| I was tanning in the backyard, listening to EDM music, going crazy, and then once I realized that it was going to be longer, I was like, I've got to get out of this lady's house. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of people thought it was going to be a two-week deal. | ||
| Like they said, remember? | ||
| We're just going to close everything down for two weeks. | ||
| Meanwhile, California, a year later, Yeah, I mean, if we were, if the U.S. was smaller, like a place like New Zealand, that could have, you know, been helpful, but we're just too big. | ||
| Well, it's not just that it's smaller. | ||
| New Zealand's completely isolated. | ||
| New Zealand has very strict immigration policies. | ||
| They're pretty, and the way they handle COVID, I mean, is super successful. | ||
| There's only four plus million people in the whole island. | ||
| It's a fucking great place. | ||
| I know, I want to go so bad. | ||
| That's a good spot to escape. | ||
| Good spot to run to. | ||
| When's the last time you've been? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never been to New Zealand. | ||
| I've done Australia. | ||
| I love Australia. | ||
| But Australia is much different. | ||
| You know, Australia is... | ||
| New Zealand, there's a lot of New Zealand that's just like rich and green and lush. | ||
| Have you seen Hunt for the Wilder People? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| Oh my, it's one of Taika Waititi's movies. | ||
| Do you know the dude? | ||
| He's now doing like the Avengers or Marvel or something. | ||
| No, I don't know who that is. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I love him, but he has this movie called Hunt for the Wilder People. | ||
| And when it came out, I was working at Arclight, the movie theater at the time. | ||
| And so I saw it in theaters like five times, but it all takes place in New Zealand. | ||
| Oh, I love this movie so much. | ||
| So this is fiction. | ||
| It's fiction, yeah. | ||
| That kid on the right is so funny. | ||
| How have I not heard of this? | ||
| It's such a beautiful and funny movie. | ||
| Have you heard of it, Jamie? | ||
| No, but I believe he's the one who jumped on your side of the Apple keyboard debate a couple months ago. | ||
| Oh, because I said that Apple keyboards suck? | ||
| Yeah, he did Jojo Rabbit, I think. | ||
| Yeah, he did Jojo Rabbit! | ||
| Who? | ||
| The writer? | ||
| The writer did. | ||
| And he did like what they do in the shadows? | ||
| They have the worst fucking keyboards of all time. | ||
| The new one's terrible. | ||
| Why do you think so? | ||
| I have the 2015 MacBook, the same one that you have there. | ||
| It's vastly superior to type on. | ||
| I'm not getting rid of it. | ||
| It has a 256 gigabyte hard drive. | ||
| I can't really use it, but I can type on it really fast. | ||
| You can get them upgraded. | ||
| There's a company that upgrades them, and that's what I did. | ||
| I bought one that's from, I bought it like a year ago, from 2016, and they put a new processor in it, they put a new solid state hard drive in it, and it has the 2015 keyboard. | ||
| I don't know why these dummies just keep making these things that are shit to type on, and then they appeal to creative people. | ||
| Everything is about design. | ||
| They just want the sleekest, thinnest. | ||
| But meanwhile, Lenovo has figured it out. | ||
| They have their ThinkPad X1 Carbon. | ||
| They have this really light, and they have a new one that's even smaller. | ||
| It's like the Nano or something like that. | ||
| What a great fucking keyboard. | ||
| And it weighs nothing. | ||
| And it's this tiny, thin little thing, and it's super easy to type on. | ||
| And each key is curved, so your fingers fit in it much easier. | ||
| Where Apple wants flat keyboards, it makes you so much less accurate. | ||
| It's just a shit experience to type on. | ||
| I got a MacBook for Christmas this past year. | ||
| I cried. | ||
| I was so happy. | ||
| And then I opened the camera to do like, you know, zooms and stuff. | ||
| And the camera quality on my college MacBook from 2013 is so much better than the new MacBooks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| Yeah, it looks blurry. | ||
| It looks like I'm in an ISIS hostage video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you ever try to clean it? | |
| It has nothing to do with the cleanliness. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you take the sticker off? | ||
| Yeah, everything's off. | ||
| It's not me, I swear. | ||
| I think you got a dud because that's one thing they're really good at. | ||
| The camera quality is excellent. | ||
| My camera quality is awful. | ||
| It's a new one? | ||
| It's a brand new one. | ||
| It's probably broken. | ||
| Right? | ||
| My brand? | ||
| Yeah, it sounds crazy. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Tim Cook? | ||
| Tim Cook? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tim Apple. | ||
| Tim Apple. | ||
| That's what Trump called him. | ||
| Tim Apple? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that guy. | ||
| Yeah, I've used mine for Zooms and shit. | ||
| You doing Zoom comedy shows, Joe? | ||
| No, to talk to people. | ||
| Just to talk to people. | ||
| You didn't do any of those, did you? | ||
| Yeah, of course I did, Joe. | ||
| We're at different levels, man. | ||
| I gotta stay alive. | ||
| Just fucking go out in the street and just start talking to people. | ||
| You'd be better off. | ||
| Hey, let me tell you about my day. | ||
| Hey, you wanna hear about my pussy? | ||
| They're like, we're trying to get coffee. | ||
| I'm like, I gotta perform. | ||
| I gotta tell these to someone. | ||
| But it is weird that guys don't have to shave their legs, right? | ||
| Where do you think that came from? | ||
| When did girls start shaving their legs? | ||
| What year do you think? | ||
| When did the deception begin? | ||
| When did they decide... | ||
| What do you think is happening? | ||
| Do you think people are just trying to become more sleek and less alien? | ||
| I'm pretty sure guys just want dolphins. | ||
| I mean, less animal, rather. | ||
| I think guys want dolphins, just soft little mammals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not what it is. | |
| They want something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I think they want, like, a person... | ||
| They want, like, smooth, soft skin without the hair for whatever reason. | ||
| But men, it's okay to be hairy because it's okay for a guy to be a beast, right? | ||
| But it's not okay for... | ||
| Like, women are supposed... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Like, why the disparity? | ||
| Misogyny? | ||
| I don't think it's that. | ||
| Because misogyny, that means hate. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Misogyny means you don't like women. | ||
| I don't think it's that. | ||
| You know how gay dudes, before they come out or when they come out, there's internalized homophobia? | ||
| that it's not like they hate gay people, but because they grew up in a society where it's not as common or acceptable or whatever, or your sisters bully you because they think you're a lesbian when you're like seven. | ||
| It's not things that people think are hateful, but just this subconscious, like, I'm a man, I have hair, that's what's strong. | ||
| Women, they're supposed to be soft and perfect and in the image of what I want them to be. | ||
| It could just be internalized. | ||
| Yeah, but women love it too. | ||
| It's very rare that women fight that. | ||
| I think, well, I grew out my armpit hair for a little bit during COVID. Was that during the lesbian period? | ||
| It was a lesbian, yeah. | ||
| You're allowed, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I enjoyed it, but then I get self-conscious because I'm like, if dudes look at this, they're going to think I'm like dirty or like manly or something. | ||
| Right, but a guy with armpit hair, no problem at all. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| And it gets all, the guys, the deodorant gets all stuck on the armpit hair. | ||
| Guys should start waxing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm. | |
| Would you do it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's weird that it's universal. | ||
| That's what's weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, why not? | |
| Why not what? | ||
| Why wouldn't you wax your armpits? | ||
| Because I don't want to. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Why would I? I've lived 53 fucking years without waxing my armpits. | ||
| Why start now? | ||
| It hurts. | ||
| Who the fuck am I trying to impress? | ||
| I'm sure it does. | ||
| Do you wax your armpits? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| I did it for the first time because normally I just shave. | ||
| Why'd you stop shaving them? | ||
| Because I have a friend in Arizona who waxes, so I was growing them out. | ||
| I was like, might as well. | ||
| And it hurt way worse than getting a coochie wax. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So your armpit's more sensitive than your cooter? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Nuh-uh. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what that was, but it hurt. | ||
| Quick research says this is marketing from the early 1900s. | ||
| It didn't even happen really before that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's when they started shaving the leg? | ||
| They had liquid stock because they were calling it back in the 1920s and 30s and 40s. | ||
| Liquid stock? | ||
| Well, you know, they did a lot of terrible shit to women back then. | ||
| That's when, you remember that, um, the radioactive paint? | ||
| What is that called again? | ||
| Where girls would, uh, they were working on like watches and all sorts of things that had, uh, radio something. | ||
| And it would literally... | ||
| They didn't know what the effects were of the stuff at the time. | ||
| And it was literally rotting through people's faces and girls... | ||
| Radium girls. | ||
| Radium, that's right. | ||
| And they had like holes. | ||
| It's horrific. | ||
| It is so sad. | ||
| Because their job was to use this paint and use it for clocks. | ||
| And like the early watches, like some watches, like the hour, you know, indicators have loom on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So in the daytime... | ||
| It charges up and then at night time they glow like that. | ||
| I like those. | ||
| Those are cool. | ||
| But that's the original. | ||
| It was radium. | ||
| And these girls were working with this very closely to paint these watches and they would lick the brush and dip it in there so they're getting this stuff and their tongues would rot off. | ||
| They would get holes in their faces. | ||
| They couldn't figure out what was causing it. | ||
| It took... | ||
| A long time for them to realize. | ||
| So the effects weren't happening right away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because it's radiation poisoning. | ||
| So this stuff, radium, is radioactive, which is why it glows in the dark. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's some stuff they use now. | ||
| The radium girls were factory workers who died of radiation poisoning painting which objects with radioactive paint. | ||
| Why is it a question? | ||
| What is watches? | ||
| Yeah, so these poor ladies, if you see the girls with the... | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| She's got this giant fucking growth in the bottom of her face. | ||
| If you go to radium girls' injuries or tumors, it's horrific. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| I'm sure they have some images of it. | ||
| It's really sad, though. | ||
| Really sad. | ||
| Because this had never happened before. | ||
| And I think it was the 1920s. | ||
| So is that like the job when the men were at war? | ||
| Women were making watches? | ||
| Well, was that World War I? When did World War I end? | ||
|
unidentified
|
19... | |
| somewhere around the 40s. | ||
| I just listened to Smedley Butler's book yesterday, so he was talking about all this. | ||
| Right after the big war, the great war to end all wars. | ||
| Profits for a lot of these companies jumped, skyrocketed. | ||
| Metal, leather, paint for watches, everything. | ||
| Smedley Butler, I think he wrote that in the 30s. | ||
| War is just a racket. | ||
| I like that name. | ||
| You should read that book. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Because it just shows you that this guy who was a loyal Marine and a soldier and who had... | ||
| You know, been to war and had realized later in his life that he had risked his life for bankers and to make industry available in certain countries and that he had been lied to. | ||
| And he wrote a book called War is Just a Racket. | ||
| And it's an amazing book because if you look at what he wrote in 19... | ||
| I want to say it's 37. When did that come out? | ||
| 35. 35. If you look at what he wrote in 1935, it's applicable today all around the world. | ||
| Like what this guy was trying to expose about the real motivations, why politicians lead soldiers into war. | ||
| Very little of it is about your safety and your health. | ||
| I mean, occasionally it is, like World War II, which is kind of ironic, because World War II is right after he wrote this, whereas a war where we actually really did need to stop Hitler. | ||
| But this guy wrote this book, and it just shows how many military actions are not just unnecessary, but deceptive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this guy realized it later in his life. | ||
| Wasn't he a three-star general or something like that? | ||
| Retired Marine, two-time Medal of Honor recipient. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he was a decorated soldier. | ||
| And as he was an old man, he was like, Jesus Christ, what have I done? | ||
| That's crazy to do something thinking that... | ||
| What's really crazy is that no one else did it and that he was really like the first person to publish something that became, you know, a popular piece of work where the average person like myself or you who doesn't really know that much about war could read about it and go, holy shit. | ||
| Like, this is what was really going on. | ||
| That they were just making things safe for bankers, or they're clearing, you know, a way to get to natural resources. | ||
| I think that's why there's so much, like, distrust in government and stuff now, because there's so many things that we realize later on, like, why was that so necessary? | ||
| Well, not only that, I mean, you're seeing it with this administration where they're doing the same things that Trump was doing. | ||
| They're just pretending they're not. | ||
| They're just wearing cute jackets. | ||
| Well, it's just the same fucking thing. | ||
| The whole thing was like the kids at the border. | ||
| We've got to stop these families at the border, this detention at the border, putting people in cages. | ||
| They're doing the same fucking thing. | ||
| And then Ted Cruz went down there to try to film it, and they were asking him to stop filming, like, this Biden employee's like, stop filming, stop filming, sir, please, have some respect. | ||
| He's like, this is, like, you can't just make rules, like, that we can't film now. | ||
| And that's how you're going to stop people from talking about this, that nothing's changed. | ||
| Because they were pretending that Trump was doing this, and that it was all Trump's fault. | ||
| Well, no, it's... | ||
| The border is crazy and porous. | ||
| And now that Trump's not in office, they think it's more friendly because Biden's there. | ||
| So more people are coming through. | ||
| And a lot of them have Biden t-shirts on. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Where they get detained. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like dozens and dozens of them. | ||
| Like they're going to a Biden concert. | ||
| Like they're going to a Biden rally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We bought the merch. | |
| We love you. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| Help us. | ||
| You've never seen it? | ||
| You should see it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| So they're coming to the border wall with Biden shirts on. | ||
| And so they've resumed construction of the border wall, if you know that. | ||
| So this administration was like, we're not going to do what the past administration did. | ||
| Yeah, you are. | ||
| But is this wall going to be huge? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge. | |
| Did that land? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Please let us in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Biden, please let us in. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Who's giving him those fucking shirts? | ||
| Probably the cartel. | ||
| They probably all have a pound of coke in their ass. | ||
| Weird, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just a weird... | ||
| You know what's even weirder? | ||
| I was talking to a friend of mine, and he's much more knowledgeable about this. | ||
| He goes, you know, listen, man. | ||
| He goes, the bottom of Mexico, those other South American countries, they're trying to get into Mexico, and the Mexicans don't want them coming into Mexico. | ||
| And then you got Mexicans that are trying to get into America, and there's Americans that don't want them in America. | ||
| It's like, they're doing it too. | ||
| If you go down to Honduras, and Honduras into Mexico, they're like, hey, we have enough. | ||
| Literally, it's happening every step of the way up to America. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| I don't, yeah, I don't know much about that stuff. | ||
| You don't pay attention that shit? | ||
| Well, I just feel like it becomes too, like, sided. | ||
| Like, we're, it's scary to talk about politics, because it can become so, like, if you say one thing that's not with, you know, some sort of, like, if it's not in an infographic on Instagram, then it's wrong, and it's all very, like, this way or that way. | ||
| So I try and stay somewhat informed, but... | ||
| It just feels very exhausting nowadays. | ||
| What do you mean by if it's on an infograph? | ||
| Like, I'm on very, like, super hyper woke Instagram, you know? | ||
| You are? | ||
| A lot of, yeah, a lot of my friends post a lot of like, you know, woke shit, which, you know. | ||
| Do you yell at them for that? | ||
| I scroll past it. | ||
| I read it. | ||
| It's got shiny letters and a nice font. | ||
| So I'm like, oh, this is pretty. | ||
| But it's very extreme where it's like, you're either all in or you're all out. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't... | ||
| It's a bunch of people trying to control people. | ||
| That's what it is mostly. | ||
| The idea is wonderful. | ||
| That we should all be inclusive and nice and kind and caring. | ||
| And I agree to that wholeheartedly. | ||
| But a lot of people use woke ideology as an excuse to be an asshole. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| To people who don't think the way you think. | ||
| So you have like a lot of really aggressive, shitty guys that jump on the woke movement and use it as an excuse to vent out their cuntiness on other people. | ||
| And it's usually these... | ||
| They're usually not very successful. | ||
| They usually have terrible relationships. | ||
| They're like really volatile, angry people. | ||
| And they found the wokeness as like a path to righteousness. | ||
| This is the way they can feel good about screaming at people. | ||
| So they'll scream about people and call them racist or homophobic or transphobic or whatever it is, whatever phobia or ist they can figure out a way to call you. | ||
| And that's their legitimate outlet. | ||
| Their badge of honor. | ||
| But it's a legitimate outlet for their shittiness. | ||
| It's like they found a... | ||
| Instead of going... | ||
| Is this really what's going on here? | ||
| Maybe I should look at this open-mindedly. | ||
| Maybe I should be objective and compassionate. | ||
| Maybe I should just really actually try to spread kindness. | ||
| Just try to be a nice person. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| That's not what it is. | ||
| What wokeness is, is like any other cult. | ||
| It's any other ideology. | ||
| It comes along and then there's a lot of good intentions. | ||
| There's a lot of good thoughts behind it, but then a bunch of assholes adopt it. | ||
| And those assholes use it for their own betterment. | ||
| Yeah, and it's a lot of like a different end of the same token where it's like it's kind of the same rhetoric and way of going about things as people who are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum who are very hateful. | ||
| It's funny because they're preaching acceptance and then canceling people for anything they can think of. | ||
| Yes, real or imagined. | ||
| Which is scary because I want to be a good person and then it's like hard because I'm like am I being the right kind of good person for these people? | ||
| Well you are for now but the problem is five years from now it could be radically different. | ||
| And then you can get cancelled for some shit you said now when it was acceptable. | ||
| Look, we all are kind of following a hive mind, right? | ||
| And there's extremes on the right and there's extremes on the left. | ||
| But when you get to the really radical, shitty people on the right or the really radical, shitty people on the left, what they share in common is their adherence to a pattern. | ||
| And the pattern doesn't have to be logical, it's just very tribal. | ||
| Like, whoever's on that other side is a piece of shit. | ||
| And, you know, they'll find reasons why that person's a piece of shit. | ||
| Whether it's a person who's a left-wing person, that lefty, communist, Marxist, socialist piece of shit, they want to fucking ruin this country in this... | ||
| Or they go the other way. | ||
| They're on the left and they'll find reasons why people on the right are racist, sexist, homophobic, and this and that. | ||
| And they'll scream out Black Lives Matter at the top of their lungs. | ||
| What are they really doing? | ||
| What they're really doing is they're adhering to an ideology. | ||
| And they're rigidly doing it and they're using it as a portal to channel their cuntiness. | ||
| And they're both sides, left and right. | ||
| They're the same kind of people. | ||
| They just picked a team. | ||
| It's hard because there's no room when that's your whole thing is being super one-sided. | ||
| Either way, it leaves no room for growth or change. | ||
| They're not trying to grow and change. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They're just trying to get the rocks off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what a lot of it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird time because of the social media movement, because so many people are communicating online, these weird little clips of text, weird little blurbs, and they're just waiting to see how people respond to those blurbs. | ||
| So it's like the shittiest way of communicating is not just... | ||
| writing little tiny you know 140 280 character bursts it's like the worst way to communicate little bursts of text because so much is missing you know it's not even though like a long article even articles are kind of a shitty way of communicating because you get to write it without anybody going well that's not true because this and that's not true because of that And the reason why you're saying that is, well, what about your own thing? | ||
| Are you looking at it because of your biases? | ||
| You know, there's no back and forth, which is the way humans are really supposed to express themselves. | ||
| Yeah, and there's no room for nuance. | ||
| Everything can be very black and white and there's no room for gray area of like, yeah, I mean this, this is what I'm saying, I mean it, but I mean it in the context of this. | ||
| Everything can be taken out of context, which is, you know, hard and... | ||
| And people hold you to your words and what you say and don't let you form new opinions or beliefs based on what you've learned later on. | ||
| Because they're not trying to find out what you really think. | ||
| They're just trying to catch you. | ||
| They're just trying to play gotcha. | ||
| They're just trying to say, oh, Allie, you said this. | ||
| You called yourself a dyke one time. | ||
| Well, that's fucked up. | ||
| You're a fucking, you know, and then they get mad at you and you're like, hey, hey, hey, I was joking. | ||
| It was September. | ||
| It was the season for me to be a dyke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I spell it with a Y. It's fine. | ||
| Yeah, I put an X in there somewhere, so it's inclusive. | ||
| I was talking to this lady, her name was Karen. | ||
| I said, does all this Karen shit bother you? | ||
| She goes, no, I spell it different. | ||
| With a C? I go, what the fuck does that mean? | ||
| No, it's K-A-R-Y-N, she said. | ||
| I go, listen, nobody knows how the fuck you spell it. | ||
| You're not wearing a name badge, though. | ||
| People call it Karen. | ||
| You're being a Karen. | ||
| They don't say, oh, you're being a K-A-R-E-N. You're not being a K-A-R-Y-N. Those women are amazing. | ||
| Yeah, what a tough time for Karens. | ||
| Terrible time for Karens. | ||
| But there are a lot of them. | ||
| Well, which kind? | ||
| You mean the cunty kind? | ||
| Or like a woman just named Karen? | ||
| The cunty kind. | ||
| I'm sure there's sweet Karens. | ||
| We need one for men. | ||
| Chad? | ||
| But that's not right. | ||
| There's a lot of Chad's like really good guys. | ||
| The guy who's the director of John Wick. | ||
| I can never say his last name because it's a complicated last name. | ||
| How do you say his last name? | ||
| Soslowski. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Is he Russian? | ||
| Polish? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Probably Russian. | ||
| It's a complicated name, though. | ||
| You did the 23andMe thing, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Soslowski. | |
| Seleski. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hell of a director. | ||
| Strange name. | ||
| But he's a Chad. | ||
| He's a good Chad. | ||
| There's a lot of Chads that are good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chad Ward, my friend. | ||
| He's a barbecue chef. | ||
| Is he out here? | ||
| No, he is... | ||
| Where the fuck is Chad? | ||
| Do you go out a lot over here? | ||
| I do. | ||
| Are you able to go out and just enjoy yourself? | ||
| I just live my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, good. | |
| Young Allie Makovsky. | ||
| I don't know what your life looks like. | ||
| It's a little odd, but yeah, I just live my life. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| People are cool here. | ||
| Yeah, they are. | ||
| They're very cool. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| It's fun out here, because you'll just see the most random group of people hanging out. | ||
| It feels like what we were just talking about. | ||
| It's a very social town, and everyone's kind of buddies with each other, and there's a feeling that you're home, even if you've never been here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What did Matthew McConaughey say? | ||
| All right, all right. | ||
| The way he described it? | ||
| No, he said, he goes, no one here is too good, and everyone's good enough. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| That's such a Matthew McConaughey thing to say. | ||
| I love Matty. | ||
| Matty Mac. | ||
| That's such a Matthew McConaughey thing to say. | ||
| He'll be president someday. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If someone doesn't come along and trip him. | ||
| He's so cool. | ||
| I want to read his book. | ||
| Well, then read it. | ||
| My boyfriend has it. | ||
| If you want to read it, why don't you read it? | ||
| I'm going to. | ||
| Why don't you steal it from your boyfriend? | ||
| Say, if you love me, you'll give me the book. | ||
| Give me the book, bitch. | ||
| Do you guys say love? | ||
| Do you say love? | ||
| I said it. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Why do you say it like that with a grimace? | ||
| Because it's just scary. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the only way to find out if he loves you back or if he's a liar. | ||
| He's a sweetie. | ||
| He's a sweetie. | ||
| I'm sure he is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you think about famous people becoming president like that? | ||
| I think anything is possible nowadays. | ||
| People are willing to vote anyone in. | ||
| They've been willing to vote anyone in for a long time. | ||
| It's just people haven't done it, other than Reagan. | ||
| Was Reagan voted in? | ||
| What did you think? | ||
| How did you think he became president? | ||
| Well, no, I mean, like, no, no. | ||
| I'm not that dumb. | ||
| I'm pretty dumb, but I'm not that dumb. | ||
| I mean, like, the way that Kanye wasn't on the ballot in most places. | ||
| No, Reagan was the governor of California, and then he became the president of the United States. | ||
| But he ran for president, right? | ||
| Reagan was the fucking president for two terms. | ||
| I know that he was the president. | ||
| What do you mean by he ran for president? | ||
| That's how you become president. | ||
| No, but you know how some people get voted in, like they're not on the ballot. | ||
| Do you want me to forget we talked about this? | ||
| We can edit it out. | ||
| We can edit it out. | ||
| No, he was actually on the ballot. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| He was the governor of California. | ||
| I thought you meant that people wrote his name because they loved him so much as governor. | ||
| No, what I meant is that he was an actor. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And a famous guy. | ||
| Westerns, right? | ||
| He did a lot of movies. | ||
| One of his famous ones, he did a movie with a chimp in the 1950s. | ||
| Bedtime for Bongo. | ||
| Bonzo or Bongo? | ||
| Yeah, it was him and a chimp were palling around together. | ||
| Bonzo. | ||
| Bonzo. | ||
| 1951. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Reagan was like a young, sort of like a dragnet-style heartthrob back in the day. | ||
| I feel like nowadays people would vote for Bonzo to be president. | ||
| Probably for fun. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| I think after that Harambe... | ||
| Didn't people vote in for Harambe the year that there was that... | ||
| See how little that chimp is? | ||
| That's because it's a baby. | ||
| Chimps are so cute. | ||
| Have you ever held one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you have to... | ||
| The only way they'll work with someone like that, they have to be babies. | ||
| You can't have a grown chimp. | ||
| Grown chimps will just beat the shit out of you. | ||
| We were on the set of news radio, and they had a baby chimp like that. | ||
| And it was a baby. | ||
| It had a diaper on and everything. | ||
| And it climbed on me like I was holding it. | ||
| And it climbed on my back and went... | ||
| Just beat me in the back, and I was like, holy shit! | ||
| Like, a tiny little thing. | ||
| You know, like, probably 30, 40 pounds. | ||
| I couldn't believe how hard it was hitting me. | ||
| I was like, fuck! | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And they feel different. | ||
| They feel like they're made out of this table. | ||
| Like, their muscles. | ||
| Like, it's like, when you touch them, you go like, oh, I'm like a fucking water balloon compared to that. | ||
| Like, your body is so mushy and soft compared to a chimp. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're a real weird feeling. | ||
| I like chimps and stuff. | ||
| This is viral video. | ||
| Oh, it's cute. | ||
| Yeah, it's adorable. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It barely has to try. | ||
| Yeah, it just hoists him up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| And then watch this fist bump at the end. | ||
| He goes, fist bump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| How cool is that? | ||
| Oh, it's so cute. | ||
| That's pretty dope. | ||
| That's a grown chimp. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Must have a good relationship with it. | ||
| You know what animal I love? | ||
| What? | ||
| Goats. | ||
| Why do you love goats? | ||
| I want a goat. | ||
| I want to get, when I make it, I want a backyard and I want to have a goat. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They're so cute and they're friendly and they just hang out. | ||
| You want a backyard and a goat. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's what I want. | ||
| There's a coffee place down here called Civil Goat. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's a goat that hangs out on the porch and it'll walk up to you and just kind of fucking headbutt you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| The goat will walk up to you and like butt you in the legs and you're like, hey buddy, how you doing? | ||
| But he's not being an asshole. | ||
| It's just kind of like that's what they do. | ||
| They just run into things with their head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you kind of rub his head. | ||
| They're adorable. | ||
| And they're like, don't let the goat inside. | ||
| Because if you let the goat inside, they'll just like fucking eat everybody's food. | ||
| Jump on everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Paper napkins. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| They're odd animals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew a dude who had some goats. | ||
| And he got goats for his backyard in Topanga. | ||
| And they had like this big piece of land. | ||
| And they said, oh, you know what we'll do? | ||
| We'll get the goats. | ||
| And the goats will clean all the brush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, the goats fucking ate everything. | ||
| So they're like, we gotta get rid of these fucking goats. | ||
| So these crazy assholes just took the goats and just dropped them off on the side somewhere. | ||
| And then people knew that they had goats. | ||
| So people started asking around, like, did somebody let their fucking goats just loose in Topanga? | ||
| And then they contacted them and said, hey, asshole, come get your goats. | ||
| That's so messed up. | ||
| Just loose goats and Topanga? | ||
| I think the way they thought of it was like the goats will most certainly be able to feed themselves because they just eat whatever. | ||
| They eat brush. | ||
| And if they get hit by a car, they're not really into those goats anyway. | ||
| Which is sad. | ||
| That is sad. | ||
| I would hate to see that. | ||
| Have you ever, like, ran into an animal? | ||
| Like, dragon? | ||
| Squirrel. | ||
| Nothing big. | ||
| Did you feel bad? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Saw him in the back. | ||
| Like, as you passed, you see him bucking and twisting. | ||
| I've never hit a deer though, knock on wood, because I've seen a lot of them, especially out here. | ||
| That can be super dangerous, right? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| My friend Cam, a guy in his town, died because he didn't hit the deer. | ||
| The guy in front of him hit the deer. | ||
| This is what's crazy. | ||
| The guy in front of him hit the deer. | ||
| The deer went up in the air and his car was driving behind the car and the deer went through his windshield and killed him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Death by deer. | ||
| When death decides it's your time, the way you die can be just the most fucked up way. | ||
| Imagine you're just driving home, just went out to get a half gallon of orange juice or whatever. | ||
| It's always so heartbreaking, like just unexpected ones like that. | ||
| Yeah, it makes me so sad. | ||
| People die from that all the time. | ||
| They die from... | ||
| I've seen some crazy pictures online, too, of what happens when someone hits a car with a deer, where the deer goes through the windshield and the inside of the car is just a Jackson Pollock splatter painting of guts and blood. | ||
| Because when they hit the car, their body's falling apart and they go through the windshield and everything just bursts. | ||
| And the inside of the car was just all guts and meat. | ||
| Speaking of, I had my first deer. | ||
| Oh, you ate your first deer? | ||
| I ate my first deer. | ||
| Out here? | ||
| No. | ||
| At home, my cousin Johnny and his brother Michael, they go shooting or archering. | ||
| Archering? | ||
| Archering. | ||
| They do bow and arrow? | ||
| Yeah, they do bow and arrow. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Where at? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where'd they go? | |
| I think in Arizona, like Flagstaff or something like that. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| Gamey. | ||
| Oh, they probably didn't take care of it, right? | ||
| I mean, they... | ||
| You didn't like it? | ||
| It's just like when you're not used to tasting something like that, it's just weird. | ||
| Like, I imagine if I was back in the olden days and I was like, mmm, venison me up. | ||
| It would have been great, but... | ||
| Well, a lot of it is how the meat is prepared and how it's kept after you kill the animal. | ||
| Because you've got to keep it cool. | ||
| They have it in like a freezer. | ||
| That's not what I mean. | ||
| I mean, once you kill the animal, like from then on, you have to cool it off as quickly as possible. | ||
| And if you don't do that, it can kind of spoil the meat and get a weird taste to it. | ||
| And there's also a gland in the animal's legs called the tarsal gland. | ||
| And if that gland gets cut or nicked during the butchering process, Then that can get in the meat, and that'll fuck the meat up. | ||
| But for the most part, I think a lot of it is when guys get the animal. | ||
| They don't cool it off quick enough. | ||
| You don't have either ice ready right away, or you don't know how to hang it to get air around it. | ||
| There's a lot you have to do to make sure that the animal doesn't spoil. | ||
| Yeah, we have a flank, I think. | ||
| And then I guess there's a local butcher who makes it into sausages and kind of adds some other meats to it. | ||
| Usually they add fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Pork fat. | ||
| And that was really good. | ||
| Like, the sausage was really good. | ||
| But, yeah, it was just a totally different taste that I wasn't expecting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I don't know what they did. | ||
| Maybe they didn't cook it right, or maybe they didn't prepare it right, or maybe they didn't take care of it right. | ||
| My dad prepared it, and, you know, he's normally like a grill boss, but that was his first time. | ||
| It's a little trickier than regular meat because you have to be real careful with the temperature. | ||
| Usually you should use a thermometer because you don't want it to overcook because it's very lean. | ||
| It's not like a steak. | ||
| You could judge a steak like a beef steak much easier because there's a lot of fat in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like if you're eating venison, it's a very lean animal. | ||
| We're definitely eyeballing it. | ||
| Eyeballing? | ||
| Oh, trying to guess it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If your dad's never done it before, has he ever cooked that before? | ||
| No, never. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta read it. | ||
| We didn't know what to do. | ||
| We kind of surprised him with it. | ||
| Like, want to eat deer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was game. | ||
| Literally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You gotta read up on it. | ||
| Do you cook at all? | ||
| I'm trying to cook more, yeah. | ||
| But I moved into a studio and I have to cook on a hot plate so it feels like I'm camping all the time. | ||
| Because I don't have like a stove. | ||
| So I use a hot plate. | ||
| So I can only cook like one thing at a time. | ||
| So what do you cook? | ||
| I cook breakfast. | ||
| I'll make bacon, eggs, all that stuff. | ||
| And then I'll make rice. | ||
| I want to start making more vegetables. | ||
| Trying to be healthy? | ||
| Trying, yeah. | ||
| Luckily, I'm staying with my friends out here and they eat super healthy, so that's felt good. | ||
| But right after this, I'm going on a meat tour. | ||
| Who do you know out here? | ||
| My friend Julia and Jake, they're super sweet. | ||
| It's funny because I met Julia through my Patreon. | ||
| She was like, you know, follow me on Patreon. | ||
| I didn't know you had a Patreon. | ||
| Yeah, I have a small intimate. | ||
| You don't have an OnlyFans, do you? | ||
| No. | ||
| Patreon's the closest I'll get. | ||
| Patreon is the closest I'll get. | ||
| How many gals have turned to OnlyFans during the pandemic? | ||
| So many. | ||
| Quite a few have shown the tips. | ||
| I thought about it a couple times. | ||
| I was like, how do I suddenly get into this? | ||
| How does that work though? | ||
| Because like, someone can always, they save those pictures. | ||
| I know, that's why I would never do it. | ||
| If it was like top secret and, you know, just between... | ||
| Shh, that's not pussy. | ||
| Yeah, here you go, don't tell anybody. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird thing, right? | ||
| And also, I'm too sensitive. | ||
| If I posted, oh, I have an OnlyFans now and two people joined, one of them being my mom because she's supportive, I'd be like, this hurts. | ||
| I know this lady that started an OnlyFans. | ||
| I don't know if she was doing it for money or just desperate or just wanted to do it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But she got all this hate. | ||
| It was really interesting to see. | ||
| And even from her own family. | ||
| People furious at her for showing her tits. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| If you have good tits and you don't mind showing them... | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird thing. | ||
| Like, why is everybody mad? | ||
| It's one thing, if your wife starts showing her pussy, you're like, hey! | ||
| That's mine! | ||
| Yeah, hey! | ||
| I have a ring saying that that's our pussy. | ||
| Cut it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if it's your sister or something like that, I don't think you're allowed to say anything. | ||
| You can't get mad at her. | ||
| I don't understand the getting mad part. | ||
| What are you mad at? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's a great way for people to make money if they can. | ||
| It's saturated, so it's hard. | ||
| You have to really hustle. | ||
| That becomes your business. | ||
| This girl who works for Brendan's shop makes like $100,000 a month showing her feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's got a foot porn thing. | |
| All of a sudden Jamie chimes in. | ||
| Weird, huh? | ||
| I was waiting for an in. | ||
| There's no more like, hey, she's doing Playboy. | ||
| Did you hear she's doing Playboy? | ||
| Is there Playboy anymore? | ||
| There's not even an option for it. | ||
| There's Playboy, but they're mostly doing articles and nice photo shoots. | ||
| There's not really much. | ||
| It used to be a big thing. | ||
| They'd make a huge offer. | ||
| Right, like a famous person would show their tits. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| Didn't Demi Moore do it? | ||
| Yeah, and Kim Kardashian. | ||
| Actresses and famous people. | ||
| Playboy was classy. | ||
| Like, oh, she's in Playboy. | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| A famous girl in wrestling did it. | ||
| Sable, when I was younger. | ||
| She's married to Brock Lesnar. | ||
| That was a huge deal. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| That couldn't be a thing now. | ||
| She'd just do OnlyFans and make this really quick. | ||
| Well, that's the thing. | ||
| These gals are making that bad Barbie girl. | ||
| Bad baby! | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Bahad baby. | ||
| Is it baby? | ||
| It's not bad Barbie? | ||
| Nope, bad baby. | ||
| She spells it with an H after the base. | ||
| The catch me outside girl. | ||
| Catch me outside? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That girl made a million dollars in six hours. | ||
| She claims. | ||
| That's what I've heard. | ||
| Why are you calling her a liar? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jamie's just so rude. | |
| It sounds like some people are very cynical about it. | ||
| She's claiming she made that, but a lot of other girls who are on there will show their receipts. | ||
| Their receipts, yeah. | ||
| Like here, it says on the top.001%. | ||
| That's weird too. | ||
| Showing your receipts. | ||
| I would feel like if you did that, people would stop giving you money. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You have to be like, I'm not making too much. | ||
| It's a small group. | ||
| Or maybe they want to contribute to it because it's exciting because your girl is number one. | ||
| It's like rooting for a team in the NFL. You're like, go bad baby! | ||
| Yeah, if you only got to give her $10 a month or whatever it is. | ||
| I subscribe to an OnlyFans. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| I do. | ||
| Is it a boy? | ||
| No, it's a lady. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| What does she show? | ||
| Oh, she shows everything. | ||
| Which OnlyFans is this? | ||
| She's a savage. | ||
| Her name's Trisha Paytas. | ||
| And what does she do in her OnlyFans? | ||
| Do you know where she is? | ||
| Do you know who she is, Jamie? | ||
| Unfortunately, I do. | ||
| Do you follow her, too? | ||
| I don't follow her, but I follow the internet, so I know who this person is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the problem? | ||
| She's an internet sleuth. | ||
| A sleuth? | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| That's the right word? | ||
| Nah, that's not the right word for her. | ||
| What's a sleuth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's a sleuth? | |
| Sleuth is a detective. | ||
| Oh, no, she's not a sleuth. | ||
| You don't even read. | ||
| She's an internet sloth, I meant to say. | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| That's a sloth. | ||
| I'm grateful to be here. | ||
| What do you mean a sloth is like a lazy person? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, no, she's just on the internet. | ||
| She's an internet person. | ||
| She's a person, like you and me. | ||
| Oh, I love her. | ||
| We're both on the internet. | ||
| Yeah, we are. | ||
| So what is the difference between her and I? She's on OnlyFans, she's on YouTube, she's everywhere. | ||
| But her OnlyFans is fun because she just moved into this beautiful house in the hills somewhere. | ||
| And she just shows her pussy. | ||
| She did a house tour. | ||
| Here's my pussy in the bathroom. | ||
| She did a house tour naked. | ||
| So you're getting this beautiful real estate. | ||
| You're like, oh, nice cabinetry. | ||
| What does this gal look like? | ||
| Jamie's shaking his head. | ||
| Jamie doesn't want to pull her up. | ||
| You don't want to? | ||
| We showed me and not everybody else. | ||
| We already said her name. | ||
| Fucking keep me in the dark here, buddy. | ||
| Sorry, you're right. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| She's gone through so many different phases. | ||
| Wait a minute, that's the same person? | ||
| Yeah, that's fine. | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| She's a new person every week. | ||
| She's very entertaining. | ||
| A lot of people hate her. | ||
| A lot of people love her. | ||
| I would imagine if you're that kind of person, click on the one of her in her bikini and see how she would look naked. | ||
| Right down there on the bottom. | ||
| On the bottom. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah, you can keep that. | ||
| I will, yeah. | ||
| So she's one of them extroverted people that gets a lot of attention. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And wants a lot of attention. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| So she's probably a good person to follow because she's constantly putting out content. | ||
| Yeah, and her OnlyFans too. | ||
| It's like, how do you have time for everything? | ||
| Like, her OnlyFans is always updated, doing all these new things. | ||
| She's making YouTube videos, podcasts, like, everything. | ||
| So her whole day is just pumping out content. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're there slack-jawed, eating hot Cheetos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In bed. | |
| Paying attention to her. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Part of what you're saying. | ||
| The dumpster fire that is Trisha Paytas. | ||
| She just puts out all the content getting attention for sometimes wrong reasons. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, so that's why you winced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I get it. | ||
| You know what's amazing to me? | ||
| I had no idea she was a person. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Probably huge. | ||
| Probably has millions of followers on everything, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably going to make comments about this now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure. | |
| I had no idea. | ||
| But that's what's amazing about the internet. | ||
| My 10-year-old likes watching people play games. | ||
| Oh, on Twitch or something? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| On YouTube. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| She likes watching these pretty girls that are funny play games on Roblox. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what Roblox is? | ||
| I've heard it, but I don't know exactly what it is. | ||
| It's like this weird video game that they play, and these girls play it, and they make funny comments and laugh. | ||
| She thinks it's hilarious. | ||
| Because she's fucking 10. Do you get nervous? | ||
| I watched this YouTube documentary called The Dangers of Social Media 2.0. | ||
| And the way that kind of like pornographic images are being shown to our kids, even if you have like parental controls, it shows up in weird ways and kind of subtly. | ||
| In YouTube? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Kind of in everything. | ||
| I don't mean you are different. | ||
| I don't retain information well, but... | ||
| Or at all, right? | ||
| Or at all, yeah. | ||
| Just in and out, in and out. | ||
| And just how young people start watching porn now and the way that porn projects the image of sex onto children. | ||
| So now kids in high school are just having super gnarly sex because that's what they see and what they know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And it's a really fascinating documentary. | ||
| It made me be like, if I have a kid. | ||
| What's the name of the documentary? | ||
| Dangers of Social Media. | ||
| Social Media Dangers 2.0 or something. | ||
| And so they create an Instagram account for an 11 year old and it says the bio is like 6th grade, you know. | ||
| It's very believably, if you go on her page, it looks like a 6th grader. | ||
| Two minutes after the account is activated, two minutes after they get a DM from a guy whose profile picture is a penis. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| And so it's like, things are just popping up that you can't even, like, control, you know? | ||
| Childhood 2.0, so it's called. | ||
| Yeah, Childhood 2.0. | ||
| It's very... | ||
| I feel like... | ||
| Well, for sure there's a lot of that out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not a time to grow up slowly. | ||
| No. | ||
| People are growing up quickly these days, for sure. | ||
| You're going to get exposed to some gnarly shit if you're online. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and I grew up having access to the internet, and I kind of have a vague memory of high-speed dial-up internet, the noise that it made. | ||
| But then, even for me, it was so quick into online stuff and being connected into the internet, but it's so much faster now, like babies with iPads and stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well, if you leave your kid alone with an iPad that has an internet connection and a Google account, especially if there's a couple of them together, they're always like, you know what I found? | ||
| And then next thing you know, the kids are looking at some fucking snuff film. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| Do you get nervous about that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, there's no way you can't. | ||
| I get nervous about everything. | ||
| I was reading this thing about sex trafficking the other day, and I was like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| People that are kidnapped in these countries. | ||
| In America? | ||
| Yeah, that happens too. | ||
| So much, and you don't even really realize it. | ||
| Well, I mean, there's always, like, some guy that you hear of that's got, like, people locked up in his basement and he's had them down there for ten years and they finally get out. | ||
| You know, how many stories of those have you heard? | ||
| And they always have, like, a spouse, a partner. | ||
| I'm like, how do you guys find that you have that in common? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| How do you ease into that conversation of, like, I'm thinking of keeping some kids in the basement. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| There's some monsters out there. | ||
| Oh, it's scary. | ||
| And now, like it was saying in the documentary, because at the time my parents grew up, it became dangerous to be outside because people would get kidnapped or, you know, you just hear of all these horror stories of kids being out, hitchhiking, whatever. | ||
| And so a lot of parents don't want their kids being out, but crime has gone down in that way so much since then. | ||
| Because people aren't hitchhiking, right. | ||
| Yeah, and so now kids are just inside on their phones because they don't play outside as much. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard some horror stories about Uber, though. | ||
| About girls, you know, getting attacked by their Uber drivers. | ||
| I've been in some creepy Ubers where I start recording on my phone the audio because I'm like, I don't know how this is going to play out. | ||
| Like how so? | ||
| I remember one time I was in the back of this dude's Uber in Hollywood and he was just saying like, I don't even remember what it was, but it was so creepy. | ||
| And I think women have like this radar like within them, you know, when you can just tell something's off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A guy could be totally normal, but there's just something in you that's like, I'm getting a weird vibe. | ||
| And he was just saying things, and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk, and just asking me weird questions. | ||
| It was a long time ago, but I remember hitting record on my phone because I'm like, this guy's in full control right now, unless I jump out the back. | ||
| And it's his car, too. | ||
| There's so much weirdness to it, right? | ||
| It's like it's so intimate. | ||
| It's like you're in his apartment that moves. | ||
| And it probably is his apartment when he clocks out. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| My buddy CJ's living, Ubering by day. | ||
| Does he just go to a gym to shower or something? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's doing Airbnbs and stuff now, but... | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of people that do that That uber thing where they're driving people around all day long and you know like that's their social interaction is interacting with people and Some people just want to ride and then all sudden you're realizing like you're paying for the most uncomfortable Conversation you could ever have yeah, | ||
| you're like oh great now I have to and then you know sometimes you get in a car and someone you know Trump got a real bad rap like oh no And you realize you're going to listen to this QAnon guy who's driving you around. | ||
| And like, what do you say? | ||
| Just, hey, drop me off. | ||
| I can't do this. | ||
| I like to, when I get weirdo drivers like that who are just saying crazy stuff, I like to know what's going on in their world. | ||
| So ask them. | ||
| It's fascinating, yeah. | ||
| But what if you're with your friend and you guys are, you know, you've got plans, you've got something important to talk about, and this guy starts yapping at you. | ||
| What's going on tonight, girls? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What you up to? | |
| You guys look nice. | ||
| How old are you? | ||
| Oh, it's so creepy. | ||
| What do you do for a living? | ||
| What's your name? | ||
| When people ask what you do for a living in an Uber and you're like, I'm a comedian. | ||
| They're like, tell me a joke. | ||
| One time I said I was a writer because I thought that that would get less questions. | ||
| And the guy was like, I'm a writer too. | ||
| What do you write? | ||
| And I was like, what do I write? | ||
| What do I write? | ||
| And I was like, I write stories. | ||
| He was like, I write raps and poems. | ||
| And then he pulled out a notebook from his glove compartment. | ||
| Did you start reading from it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When people want you to listen to their music, it's one of the most fucking painful things. | ||
| Hey, I want you to listen to this song, and you're in their car, and you're like, no. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Don't do this to me. | ||
| Don't you do this to me. | ||
| Then you have to go, oh, wow. | ||
| Who are your influences? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| This is crazy. | ||
| I've been getting into... | ||
| It's fun being in Texas, because I feel like I'm in the country, you know? | ||
| So I've been listening to a lot of Brooks and Dunn. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| Imagine if I had people over my house and I said, hey, I want you to listen to my podcast. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Everybody sit down and listen to me talk. | ||
| Have you guys heard my podcast? | ||
| You guys want to listen to it? | ||
| Get a little glimpse? | ||
| I'm happy if someone doesn't know I have a podcast. | ||
| Does anyone know that you don't have a podcast? | ||
| I'm sure there's some people out there. | ||
| I'm going to find them. | ||
| Hang out with them. | ||
| Oh, is that the Seth Rogen guy from the movies? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No. | ||
| No, I'm his cousin. | ||
| That's my aunt. | ||
| I remember when I first got to do a show with you, it was obviously a big deal to me, so I'm telling my aunt, I'm like, I get to do a show with Joe Rogan. | ||
| And she's like, from the movies? | ||
| The stoner guy? | ||
| And I'm like, he is a stoner guy. | ||
| But I don't think he's in the movies like that. | ||
| I'm not as much of a stoner. | ||
| Seth Rogen apparently gets high every single day, all day long. | ||
| I get my second vax on 420. Woo! | ||
| Puff, puff, vax. | ||
| Wait a minute, why are you getting enough vaccination when you've already had COVID? I didn't know. | ||
| I was too late. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't need it. | |
| You have the antibodies. | ||
| I'll just get the one and done. | ||
| I already got the one. | ||
| You're fine. | ||
| I'll let the one ride out. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Because some people are having really bad reactions when they get the vaccination and they've had COVID, especially the second vaccination, because it's just an overwhelming experience for your body to be battling it out like that. | ||
| I don't know why, but see if you can Google that. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| Because I've heard of people, like one person told me that they had COVID and then they got vaccinated and the second one fucked them up. | ||
| My sister got, oh, she didn't want me to say it. | ||
| Joey, do you keep doing that to your sister? | ||
| I know, I fucked up. | ||
| She's throwing your sister under the bus. | ||
| Joey Diaz just got vaccinated, he said it was nothing. | ||
| That's the interesting thing, though. | ||
| You got the Johnson& Johnson. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| He was fine? | ||
| Yeah, he stayed fine. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| That's the thing, though, with getting COVID. People are so afraid to say that they got COVID because they're so... | ||
| Well, what were you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Were you following all the rules? | ||
| Were you staying locked up inside and not going out into... | ||
| That's just in California. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| California's lost. | ||
| The rest of the country doesn't treat you like that. | ||
| Well, it's like there's a good chance you're going to get COVID if you have to go to the grocery store or do anything. | ||
| I think it's your dopey woke friends too. | ||
| I know. | ||
| God love them. | ||
| The ones with two masks on and their Twitter profile. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sad. | ||
| These kids. | ||
| They're going to change the world though. | ||
| They are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're the future. | |
| It's going to be way better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to be communist. | ||
| That would be so crazy. | ||
| It's not going to work. | ||
| No. | ||
| Where would you live? | ||
| Like, say... | ||
| New Zealand. | ||
| New Zealand? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never been there, but... | ||
| I live in Australia. | ||
| I would say Canada, but have you seen what the fuck's going on in Canada? | ||
| See, I feel like Canada's too similar to us. | ||
| People put, like, a nice little mask on it and are like, it's a better version. | ||
| I'm like, it's pretty much the same. | ||
| No, it's not a better version. | ||
| It's too close to home. | ||
| Not during COVID. There's a church... | ||
| That they put a fence around the church, and then these people tried to go to the church anywhere and wear no masks, and then something like 200 cops were at the church. | ||
| See if you can find this. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| There's a giant number of cops that were wearing SWAT gear. | ||
| Showed up at a fucking church in Canada. | ||
| And the internet is outraged about this. | ||
| Because there was one guy who was a pastor. | ||
| And he was kicking them out. | ||
| These cops showed up at his church. | ||
| And they all had masks on. | ||
| And he was yelling, get out! | ||
| Get out! | ||
| You Nazis! | ||
| You Nazis! | ||
| Unless you have a warrant, get out! | ||
| He's like, what are you doing? | ||
| You're intimidating us during Passover? | ||
| Get out! | ||
| He's screaming at them. | ||
| It's like, it got viral. | ||
| Well, their response to that wasn't, oh my god. | ||
| People don't want to be treated this way. | ||
| They don't want to be yelled at like they're criminals just because they're at church because I guess they have some regulations about church in Canada, particularly in this area. | ||
| I think it's Canada universally because there's some anti-lockdown riots that were going on last night in Montreal. | ||
| So this church, the next step was these cops show up in full riot gear and some of them had gas masks because they were going to pepper spray people at a fucking church because these people were openly celebrating and I guess they weren't wearing masks or they weren't following whatever national protocols they have. | ||
| So this is the first guy. | ||
| This is the guy that was screaming. | ||
| We'll play some of this because it's kind of crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Out of this property. | |
| Immediately. | ||
| I don't wanna hear a word. | ||
| Out! | ||
| Out! | ||
| Out of this property! | ||
| Why's that sound so shitty? | ||
| You'll come back with a warrant. | ||
| out out out out out out of this immediately out immediately go out and then come back so this is the first one it is Yeah, well, there's something wrong with the volume or the sound on that particular copy of the video, but the other one was a little clearer. | ||
| But then, yesterday, it escalated in a huge way. | ||
| I don't know if it's the same church, but there was this church where... | ||
| This huge group of armed police showed up with bulletproof vests, black suits, the whole deal. | ||
| And to a fucking church. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, look at this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Dude, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Like, this is insane. | ||
| I mean, this is literally insane. | ||
| They have flak jackets on, bulletproof vests, they're armed, and they're showing up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
200 cops now. | |
| 200 cops showed up at a church. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So we're at close to 200 cops now. | |
| Gas masks, visors and stuff, gas masks for gas. | ||
| 200 cops and a helicopter. | ||
| They put a fence around the church to keep people from going in, and people apparently were trying to go through the fence to get to the church, and then the cops just decided to enforce things. | ||
| That's why you can't just tell people what to do. | ||
| You can't just decide to take away people's freedom, because this is where it goes. | ||
| You'll start thinking, well, we're just trying to protect people. | ||
| But then you've got to reinforce those laws. | ||
| So how do you reinforce those laws? | ||
| You bring 200 armed cops to shut down a church. | ||
| Now what happens if people resist that? | ||
| Well, then you have a fucking war between the churchgoers and the cops. | ||
| Over what? | ||
| Over they want freedom to practice their religion a year into a fucking lockdown. | ||
| A year. | ||
| Or more than a year. | ||
| It's April now. | ||
| We're a year and a month. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So they want freedom to practice their religion. | ||
| And these cops are following some fucking crazy law that they have up in Canada or some crazy orders that someone's given them to show up, 200 of them, and shut a church service down. | ||
| You know, and you could say, oh, you know, they're spreading the disease. | ||
| At a certain point in time, you've got to let people be people. | ||
| You've got to let them be free. | ||
| And protect yourself. | ||
| We know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| Protect yourself. | ||
| It's like the people who are mad at the people not wearing masks at church. | ||
| It's like you're not interacting with those people. | ||
| If that's what they want to do, you're not going to be affected. | ||
| Well, they think they are because they think it's going to spread. | ||
| But the thing is, it's not going to spread to you if you follow safety protocols and you don't go out. | ||
| You know, if you want to be that person that just lives the rest of your life in lockdown, you're allowed to. | ||
| I mean, regardless of this pandemic, if the pandemic ends and you say, you know what, it's too risky. | ||
| What if a new one comes up? | ||
| I don't want to be patient number one. | ||
| I'm going to wear three masks and stay home forever. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| But when you tell people what to do like this, like you tell people you can't have church service. | ||
| You're going to start a fucking civil war. | ||
| People are going to get angry. | ||
| They're going to attack the cops. | ||
| And the cops, they develop this us versus them mentality. | ||
| And that's why these cops would show up and act like what they're doing is not some horrific crime against justice and sanity, where they show up, 200 of them, armed to a fucking church. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| But this is where it goes. | ||
| When you start telling people what to do, you have to enforce those laws. | ||
| And the way you enforce those laws is through violence. | ||
| And that's why this is so spooky. | ||
| And that's also why a lot of these really weak people, like what's scary is not that they have a different sensibility than people that are like that 21-year-old kid that got his dad sick, and the reckless people that aren't thinking things through. | ||
| The real problem is That you're enforcing your way of living on other people. | ||
| And there's only one way to do that. | ||
| You've got to bring in the cops. | ||
| Like that thing, that's what happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so dangerous. | ||
| It's unhealthy for the brain. | ||
| It's unhealthy for everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At a certain point in time, like what they did in Texas, like the governor said, I'm going to end the mask mandate. | ||
| You should still wear a mask, but I'm not going to make it a fucking law. | ||
| And all businesses can open 100%. | ||
| Or if you don't want to open 100%, you want to be 50% open, do that. | ||
| But I'm not going to have a mandate. | ||
| We're a year into this. | ||
| He goes, Texas is fully open. | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| That's what I support. | ||
| Do what you want. | ||
| Protect yourself. | ||
| Look after yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We know how to keep your immune system strong. | ||
| We know how to be healthy. | ||
| We know treatments for the disease if you do get it. | ||
| We know how to keep yourself from getting it for the most part. | ||
| Fuck, this kind of shit drives me crazy. | ||
| And there's so many people that have become these weird... | ||
| They've become so compliant to authority, and they want everybody else to be compliant, too. | ||
| They become their own police force. | ||
| Yeah, well, they police everyone around them, too. | ||
| They scream at people across the street, wear a mask! | ||
| You're on the other side of the street! | ||
| It's happened to me someone has come over... | ||
| To my boyfriend. | ||
| He was at a parking lot with his buddies. | ||
| Four of his buddies. | ||
| They were out skating. | ||
| They were about to leave. | ||
| And some lady from across the street walked over and goes, why aren't you guys wearing your masks? | ||
| And they're like, okay, we'll wear our masks. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And she goes, you can put them on now. | ||
| And they're like, we don't, we're fine. | ||
| And she was like, I got vaccinated, so I'm not worried about myself. | ||
| I'm just looking out for you guys. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's what we were talking about earlier with woke people. | ||
| People like to tell people what to do. | ||
| And there's like a clear green light to say, put a mask on. | ||
| It's so clear. | ||
| So should you put a mask on? | ||
| Yeah, you probably should. | ||
| You know why you should? | ||
| Not outside, really, but inside especially, to make people feel better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't feel uncomfortable around you. | ||
| They don't feel like you're an asshole. | ||
| And you're doing something that makes people feel better. | ||
| Yeah, that's nice. | ||
| That's a good thing. | ||
| But the people that are like, put a fucking mask on. | ||
| Those are the same people as the far right people or the far left people. | ||
| They're just people that like to tell people what to do. | ||
| They're people that like to find an excuse to be shitty. | ||
| And feel in control. | ||
| And that's what they're doing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I'm going to go tell those people to put their fucking mask on. | ||
| Her life, I guarantee you, is a mess. | ||
| A steaming pile of shit mess. | ||
| Well, I think because of the pandemic, that was something that's out of our control. | ||
| I have no control over a global pandemic. | ||
| What can I do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| Voodoo. | ||
| Do you know any voodoo? | ||
| I'll learn. | ||
| I'll get into witchcraft soon. | ||
| But people, I think, realize that they have so little control over what can happen. | ||
| And it's a scary thing to realize that we're only so capable of doing things. | ||
| So it's like these are the little... | ||
| Micro actions of being like, I have control over this. | ||
| I can tell this person what to do. | ||
| You know what you do have control over? | ||
| You have control over your health. | ||
| And yourself, yeah. | ||
| You get yourself healthier or do your best to do so. | ||
| You know, Laura Beetz? | ||
| She lost 40 fucking pounds. | ||
| She looks amazing. | ||
| I saw, after I saw that, I was nervous to come on because last time I was talking about Taco Bell. | ||
| I'm like, I haven't lost shit. | ||
| Well, you weren't grossly overweight. | ||
| She let herself go. | ||
| Yeah, I'm getting there. | ||
| Now she's super healthy. | ||
| I know, it's awesome. | ||
| And focused. | ||
| That girl's focused. | ||
| I get inspired by her. | ||
| She writes constantly. | ||
| When she would go do sets at the store and see her with her notes, I'd go, yeah, that's what I like to see. | ||
| Someone with a fucking super thick notebook filled with pages and she's just crazy. | ||
| Constantly working on her act. | ||
| She always has new material. | ||
| She's always grinding. | ||
| Always grinding. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| And now she's grinding with her body, too. | ||
| I mean, she's way healthier. | ||
| You know, just, I mean, losing 40 pounds of blubber off of your body, it just frees you up so much. | ||
| It's just like, oh my god, my joints, my back, my knee, like everything was bothering me, now it's not. | ||
| Like, yeah, that's the message that needs to be pumped out into people. | ||
| Not just wear three masks, save the fuck away from everybody. | ||
| It's like, use this time to lose weight. | ||
| 78% of the people that are in the fucking ICU are obese for COVID. 78%. | ||
| That's nuts! | ||
| And it's hard because it's one of those things when you're losing weight and trying to get healthier and all of that. | ||
| It's a slow process and so you don't get to see it in yourself because you see yourself every day so it doesn't feel like you're making progress so it's so easy to get discouraged and be like, this isn't helping. | ||
| I don't see the results. | ||
| That's why scales are important. | ||
| People are like, oh, don't pay attention to scale. | ||
| Just be healthy. | ||
| Listen, pay attention to fucking scale. | ||
| You don't live by it. | ||
| It's not the end-all be-all because you could starve yourself and be unhealthy and lighter and trick yourself. | ||
| But it's a good way to mark improvement. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And you can find ways. | ||
| There's programs you can follow online that are free that can help you lose weight. | ||
| There's all sorts of diets and ways to, like, count your calories and look at your expenditure and how much energy you're putting out, what you really need. | ||
| And what she did was just, like, cut out flour and sugar and just that alone. | ||
| Weight was falling off of her body. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's interesting when you start doing stuff like that how much you realize it's in everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like sugar and flour. | ||
| It's in everything. | ||
| It's in so much. | ||
| Yeah, it's in everything. | ||
| And so it's really like a full lifestyle change at first. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's such an adjustment. | ||
| It's so easy to not pay attention to what's in your food. | ||
| But if you do it, you'll feel so much better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This whole pandemic has exposed a lot of people's health issues. | ||
| It's not as simple as just it's a crisis of a disease that's ravaging the country. | ||
| It is definitely that. | ||
| But it also exposed how people that are healthy, it's not as big of a deal as people that are unhealthy. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And you don't have to catch it, too. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| Like this idea that there's nothing you can do to protect yourself. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Your immune system can protect you from this. | ||
| It can stop you from having it. | ||
| When people in my house got it, there was two days where I was working out where I was like, I feel kind of shitty today. | ||
| I just feel dragged. | ||
| Like I was dragging. | ||
| So I just took it light. | ||
| I just broke a sweat. | ||
| Didn't push myself. | ||
| Didn't, you know, I was like, I'm just, I'm aware. | ||
| Because I work out a lot. | ||
| So I think about it. | ||
| You work out every day. | ||
| No. | ||
| I always take at least one day a week off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Always. | ||
| But I have friends that work out every fucking day. | ||
| And they just do different things. | ||
| Are you still doing the sauna? | ||
| Every day. | ||
| That I do every day. | ||
| I was doing it five days a week, but now I basically do it almost every day. | ||
| Occasionally I'll take a day off. | ||
| It's way more likely that I don't take a day off. | ||
| Do you ever do the ice baths? | ||
| No, I need to get one of those. | ||
| I need to get one of them. | ||
| They have a tank that, it's like an ice plunge, and it'll cool it, so it'll get it to like 34 degrees, so you can just climb in. | ||
| You don't have to add ice to it, so basically it keeps it chilled. | ||
| You put a lid on it, and then you climb in it. | ||
| The best, apparently, is going sauna, ice bath, sauna, ice bath. | ||
| That's the way to do it. | ||
| I love that Wim Hof guy. | ||
| Oh, he's awesome. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Yeah, he's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew! | |
| Breathing exercises are amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You ever do those? | |
| Sometimes if I'm like really stressing, but it's something that I would like to do more consistently because it's not like, I feel like breathing exercises or meditation, like it's helpful if you do it every once in a while, but it's most effective if you're doing it like in a regular practice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you meditate? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I do, but I do it through, well, I used to do it when I had my tank. | ||
| I don't have a tank here. | ||
| I used to do it in the tank. | ||
| But now I do it through breathing exercises. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| In the sauna. | ||
| Usually I combine them. | ||
| It makes it more difficult. | ||
| Knock them all out. | ||
| Well, it just makes it more difficult, too, the breathing exercises. | ||
| But if I do it right, I can get into this kind of crazy trance where I don't realize how much time has passed because all I'm thinking about is the breathing. | ||
| So all I'm thinking about is big, long, deep breath in, big, long, deep breath out. | ||
| And I read this book called Breathe by James Nestor. | ||
| It's a really good book. | ||
| Interesting, interesting book on the history of Breathing exercises. | ||
| Then I had him on the podcast and talked to him about it. | ||
| It was a bunch of different styles of breath exercises and all the different benefits and where these things have emanated from. | ||
| But all these different things that people have shown that they can do with their body from breathing exercises massively boost your immune system. | ||
| Have you done, like, a breathwork class before? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, it's crazy. | ||
| Your hands get, like, clamped like a crab or a lobster or something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're, like, so out of control of your body when you're doing it. | ||
| What kind of class did you do? | ||
| I don't know if there was, like, a name for it. | ||
| It was just, like, a guided breathwork class. | ||
| So the guy's, like, explaining, like, the rhythm to breathe in and, like, how fast or slow to go. | ||
| It was a while ago, but it was, like... | ||
| Maybe eight seconds of deep breathing in and then eight out. | ||
| And then I think it changes throughout the class. | ||
| But I have such a hard time letting go that I'm just thinking about it. | ||
| I'm like, don't cry. | ||
| Because sometimes people cry because it's so powerful. | ||
| And I can easily shut off and be like, don't fucking cry. | ||
| Why do you not want to cry? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm afraid of my emotions. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it you were afraid to cry around people or do you cry when no one's around? | ||
| Oh, I love crying when no one's around. | ||
| Just thinking of all the fucked up shit and playing a story of why I'm so awful. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Every once in a while, yeah, I like to just really shed it and let it go. | ||
| So do you think you build it up and then you have to just open the bag? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| Last time I did the podcast, someone said, Allie looks like she's always holding back tears. | ||
| She talks like she's trying not to cry. | ||
| You mean the random comment on YouTube? | ||
| Is that what you're talking about? | ||
| I wasn't reading them. | ||
| It was one of the top comments. | ||
| It was upvoted. | ||
| This person's comment was very successful. | ||
| It was just at the top. | ||
| I wasn't doing a deep dive. | ||
| Only the greatest hit comments. | ||
| Do you read your comments on Instagram and Twitter or anything like that? | ||
| Yeah, but not like... | ||
| I'll just skim through. | ||
| It's not something where I'm like, I need to check the comments. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you've said it a bunch. | ||
| What's the point? | ||
| Michael Jordan's not reading. | ||
| The comments. | ||
| I said he's not writing them. | ||
| Writing them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's also not reading them probably either. | ||
| He's probably not reading them either. | ||
| But the kind of people that write them generally don't have their shit together. | ||
| The people that, like, are shitting on you in particular and, like, want to make you feel bad. | ||
| Look at the fucking alley with her frumpy, shitty clothes. | ||
| Why don't you dress nicer? | ||
| Like, who is that guy? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Some idiot. | ||
| But meanwhile, you're absorbing his stupid, idiot thoughts and you're taking him into your head. | ||
| And then I'm crying about it. | ||
| He doesn't even want his thoughts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, if he had to listen to himself, he'd be like, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, unfortunately, he doesn't have any discipline. | ||
| So he's trapped. | ||
| He's trapped in his own shitty mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you can let that person into your head, and it's like eating bad food. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden, you've been poisoned, and you have gas. | ||
| Like, ugh. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I don't do it that much anymore because I'm allowed to be my own critic. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I know what I want to improve. | ||
| I know what my weaknesses are. | ||
| I only take advice from people I look up to, like you, Santina. | ||
| If I'm ever questioning myself or whatever I'm doing, I'm like, there's people I turn to who know... | ||
| There's people that you go to for what you need. | ||
| You're colleagues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| We're colleagues, Allie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think you're self-critical. | ||
| I mean, I've talked to you about your act before and you're a person that goes over it and thinks about it. | ||
| You have a set that you don't like or something's wrong. | ||
| You're not delusional. | ||
| And the people that are delusional, they just don't get better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you protect yourself from that pain, you don't grow. | ||
| We all know people like that, right? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And I think that's the hard thing about comedy is it can be... | ||
| The good times can be so fleeting when you have a good set. | ||
| You know, you're on this high and it's such a high high that you're like, this is awesome. | ||
| Like, I feel like a rock star. | ||
| I'm doing it. | ||
| I'm in it. | ||
| And then you have a shitty set. | ||
| You don't like your material that night, whatever. | ||
| And you're just like, I'm garbage. | ||
| How did I even get here? | ||
| Like, what am I doing? | ||
| How did this happen? | ||
| And then that feels like it goes on forever. | ||
| But it's figuring out the ways and the tools of getting out of that. | ||
| It's like, okay, well, maybe I can review my set earlier in the day and kind of just have a good day and put that to the side so I'm not hyper-focused on that and overthinking the material and letting it become rigid or something. | ||
| So just kind of figuring out what works best for me and what makes me the most loose but polished at the same time. | ||
| Because sometimes I'll be on stage and I'm like, am I doing a guided meditation right now? | ||
| I feel like I'm listening to myself speak and that's the dangerous area for me is when I'm not present and in the moment of that because I was overthinking my entire set the whole day out of nerves or fear. | ||
| And the audience can recognize that too. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They feel it. | ||
| They smell it. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| When you're not there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a strange art form, and no one really can tell you what to do. | ||
| They can kind of tell you, I like how you did it last time, or most of the time when you do this, it's like that, but this time you did it this way, and it's better. | ||
| But, you know, the way you do it is going to be different than the way Santino does it, or different than the way Diaz does it. | ||
| Everybody's got a, you know, Ali Wong's got her own thing. | ||
| Everybody's got their own thing. | ||
| It's like there's no... | ||
| There's no hard, fast rules, other than economy of words. | ||
| That's pretty universal, but not even totally. | ||
| And it's very trial and error, you know? | ||
| Like, bands don't go on stage and like, we're gonna just test out this new song. | ||
| We've never done it before, just gonna try it out. | ||
| Well, the thing is about, like, trying something out, like, I've tried something out and had it go fucking nowhere. | ||
| And you're like, Jesus Christ, I've been doing comedy forever, and I still do this? | ||
| And then I've tried something out out of nowhere, and boom! | ||
| It gets this huge fucking roar. | ||
| Like, I did this bit the other day that just, I came up with it basically over the last, like, Couple of days and it was the first time I'd ever done it on stage and it crushed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the best feeling. | |
| And Tony grabbed me afterwards. | ||
| He goes, dude, that was one of the funniest things I've ever heard you say. | ||
| Like, where's that from? | ||
| I'm like, it's totally new. | ||
| He's like, oh my god. | ||
| Because everyone knows what that feeling's like when you have a totally new bit. | ||
| It's totally new and it's killing. | ||
| You're like, ah. | ||
| The worst is when you do a brand new bit and it works. | ||
| It kills the first time you do it and you're like, I got a new bit. | ||
| Oh, the second time it's like bombing. | ||
| You're like, how? | ||
| What's the difference? | ||
| Did you record? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the difference. | ||
| You gotta listen to the recording and figure out what did I do wrong? | ||
| What did I do right? | ||
| I always audio record. | ||
| I want to start just filming my set so I can visually see it too. | ||
| Mmm, that's better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damon Wayans has recorded on video all of his sets since the 90s. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He shows up at the improv, he has a tripod and a camera, sets up, films it, and then he goes home, stores it, and edits it. | ||
| So he watches all his shit, stores it, and edits it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Can't wait for that movie. | ||
| What movie? | ||
| The movie of all of his sets over time and his career and life story. | ||
| Well, I don't even know if he does specials anymore. | ||
| I don't think he's done a special in a long time. | ||
| Did you see Kid 90s? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I think it's on Hulu. | ||
| The girl who played Punky Brewster. | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| She has a crazy cool name. | ||
| Malik Bolum. | ||
| Soleil Moonfry. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Soleil Moonfry. | ||
| She filmed everything on VHS after being Punky Brewster. | ||
| And so it's just kind of her life story told from all these old VHSs that she recorded growing up. | ||
| So she stopped all acting, right? | ||
| She tried to act, but it was hard to get out of the image of the young, punky Brewster. | ||
| But now, she's not doing it anymore, right? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think so. | ||
| Is that Marky Mark? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| Yeah, but it was so interesting because she was in the crowd of all these stars from that time, like Leo DiCaprio, young Leo in these videos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Look at them all. | ||
| They're little kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ, they look like little kids. | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
| Is that Matt Damon looking like a little kid in that picture you just had up? | ||
| This one? | ||
| The one you just had, yeah. | ||
| That's Brian Austin Green, I think. | ||
| Who's the one in the middle? | ||
| Not Matt Damon, but... | ||
| Looks like it. | ||
| Look at that little kid Matt Damon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who is that little kid? | ||
| It looks maybe Stephen Dorff. | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a weird road. | ||
| Like, we were talking before the podcast about the one I did with Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus. | ||
| That world of being famous when you're a kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| And because it's all publicized, you watch them as they grow and they don't get to figure themselves out on their own. | ||
| Did I ever tell you I used to be on the radio? | ||
| The radio? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've told you this before. | ||
| In another life? | ||
| No, when I was like seven years old. | ||
| I was on Kiss FM. Did you tell me this? | ||
| I have. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Ryan Seacrest is the host of it. | ||
| Did I block it out? | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| Why did I not remember that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Was it good? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I had a job working as a radio personality for like four years from third grade until sixth grade. | ||
| Yeah, making prank phone calls. | ||
| No, I don't think you told me this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've told you. | |
| Did you tell me on the air? | ||
| No. | ||
| You told me in real life. | ||
| I told you in real life. | ||
| I don't know if you did. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Do you remember this? | ||
| I've heard her talk about it before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| But I was like a mini... | ||
| I was like a little mini celebrity in my hometown. | ||
| You know, like my dad would... | ||
| I remember one time he had to get a rental car and they were going to give him like, you know, a Toyota or something. | ||
| And he's like, do you listen to Kiss FM? Do you know Lil Alley? | ||
| It's my daughter. | ||
| Can I get a convertible? | ||
| Pick me up from school in a new... | ||
| like a nicer rental car or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, even that was hard and that was like nothing. | ||
| How the fuck did that happen? | ||
| I called in randomly. | ||
| My sisters listened to Kiss FM. When we would get ready for school, we'd listen to it. | ||
| You were seven? | ||
| I was seven. | ||
| No one's watching you? | ||
| My dad was home. | ||
| My dad was home and my sisters were home. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| And you just grabbed the phone and started dialing numbers? | ||
| I asked my sister. | ||
| I said, I want to call into the radio station. | ||
| I want to request a song or something. | ||
| And my sister's like, I'm not giving you the number. | ||
| You're going to embarrass me. | ||
| All my friends listen to this station. | ||
| And so she tries calling in. | ||
| She doesn't get through. | ||
| My dad takes her to school. | ||
| Me and my other sister are at home. | ||
| I press redial on the phone. | ||
| And I immediately get through and now I'm panicking. | ||
| I don't know what to say. | ||
| And I'm like, can I get Britney Spears tickets? | ||
| Talking to Ryan Seacrest. | ||
| And he's like, can you sing a Britney Spears song? | ||
| So I'm like seven years old singing Toxic by Britney Spears. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just being like, the taste of your lips, I'm on a ride. | |
| And after I sing this song, he's like, oh, we don't have Britney Spears tickets, but we have American Idol tickets. | ||
| And I was like, I'll only go if they're VIP. Is that what you said? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then we're just having a conversation back and forth. | ||
| He's like, where are your parents? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| Dad's out. | ||
| It's like 7 in the morning. | ||
| And so then I ended up getting a job making prank phone calls for them. | ||
| How did it end? | ||
| It ended with me not being little anymore. | ||
| They didn't like you anymore? | ||
| No, I was too old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like 12. Is that really what happened? | |
| Yeah, so I had a contract that would like, you know, expired and then they wanted to renew it, but in a different way and sign on to Ryan's production company. | ||
| Oh, he wanted to pimp you out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Did he want a piece of you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What kind of piece? | ||
| I think they want like 20%. | ||
| Of everything you do? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| From there on out? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And my dad was like, that's too much. | ||
| And so we didn't end up doing it. | ||
| Imagine if your stand-up career took off, you'd be Ryan Seacrest's bitch. | ||
| So for the rest of your career, if you'd sign that, it might be for life. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| I don't think it would have been for life. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| He produced a Kardashian show. | ||
| Forever and ever and ever. | ||
| I always tell my dad we could have been the Makovskys, keeping up with the Makovskys. | ||
| Yeah, he fucked up, Dad. | ||
| No, but I'm so grateful because, I mean, I don't know if anything would have come of that or anything, but I'm glad I got to eat lunch in the bathroom alone in high school and have all of those... | ||
| Awkward moments. | ||
| Weird, awkward, uncomfortable moments. | ||
| Isn't that funny that at the time you think of them as being the worst thing ever and then later on you realize there's kind of a gift in some of that weird angst? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially as an artist, as someone who creates things, to be able to pull from those uncomfortable moments. | ||
| I was just looking over one of my like earliest sets like one of my first things that I typed up for my first open mic and it was so sad everything ends like my punchline for every joke is like that's because I'm pathetic that's because I'm a loser and I was like what a dark place to be in or that's like my best punchline for a joke well when you started doing kill tony how long have you been doing comedy I think I was maybe like a year in, give or take. | ||
| But once I started, I wasn't 21, so I ended up having to wait like six more months until I could perform at the comedy store. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because I had gotten kicked out for not being of age. | ||
| And so once I was back in, then I started doing it. | ||
| But I think it had been like maybe a year into stand-up. | ||
| The Comedy Store is a place where you can only perform if you're 21, but when I was a kid, you could perform when you were 18, but you couldn't drink until you're 21. I didn't know, though. | ||
| I didn't perform until I was 21, because I thought you had to wait. | ||
| So I waited until just a little bit after my birthday. | ||
| I was there on my 21st at midnight. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And Red Band gave me $21 because it was my 21st birthday. | ||
| And I was like, I'm going to keep coming here on my birthday. | ||
| I'm making a little cash grab out of this. | ||
| So every year, you're like, next year I got $22 in the bank. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, September 8th, be at the store, Brian. | ||
| But you started when you were how old, though? | ||
| What was the first time you were on stage? | ||
| I think my first time on stage was when I was 18, maybe 17. I went to the Laugh Factory. | ||
| So you don't care at the Laugh Factory. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| You could be two years old. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And Jamie will try to manage you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's funny because I had been sneaking into the Laugh Factory using my sister's ID to get in. | ||
| And I would watch all the shows there. | ||
| And I wanted to do stand-up. | ||
| And I asked... | ||
| Dane Cook was there one night. | ||
| And I asked him after one of my shows. | ||
| I was like, I want to do stand-up, but I'm 17. I don't know if I'm allowed to. | ||
| And he was like, you can do it. | ||
| And he was like, Jamie, she's 17. Can she do the open mic? | ||
| And Jamie's like, how the fuck are you inside this club? | ||
| And I was like, I don't know. | ||
| I'm actually 18, maybe. | ||
| And so then I went home and I wrote that first set and I signed up the next week. | ||
| I was too late to the sign up, so I had to sign up the next week. | ||
| So I guess my first open mic- But he said, how the fuck are you in the club? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then he didn't recognize you when you came to the club again? | ||
| He wasn't there for the open mic, but he said if you're underage, you can do the open mic because it's during the day. | ||
| It's like 2 p.m. | ||
| on a Tuesday or something. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What kind of crowd do they have? | ||
| It's tourists who are going there to sign up for open mics. | ||
| That was how it was when I was there. | ||
| I don't know if it's... | ||
| Well, they always have the weird thing where they made everybody line up around the corner and wait all day. | ||
| And everyone's just driving by like, who are these? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was a weird strategy of making people line up and you had to keep your place in line. | ||
| So if you wanted it, you had to stay out there all day long. | ||
| What time did the lineup start? | ||
| I think the lineup started at, no, it started at like 2pm. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So it's like, it's everyone who doesn't have a job is signing up for this open mic. | ||
| And then you're signing up for the next week, right? | ||
| Which starts at like 6pm or something like that, maybe 5pm. | ||
| But you're not signing up for the same week, right? | ||
| No, you're signing up for the following week. | ||
| So the first time I got there just to sign up to perform the following week, I got there like an hour early and there were already 16 people in line and they only take like the first 15. Really? | ||
| So then the next time I got there, I got there like three hours early, packed a lunch just in case. | ||
| And then I did my first open mic. | ||
| But I didn't do it again for like a year and a half after that. | ||
| What made you decide you wanted to be a comic? | ||
| Um... | ||
| Did you have a comic that you admired? | ||
| I looked up to Dane Cook. | ||
| My sister would pick me up from school in fifth grade and she would be playing his albums. | ||
| It was the funniest shit I had ever heard. | ||
| It was jokes that I would quote. | ||
| I was like, that's so cool that someone could tell jokes that people just say in day-to-day life. | ||
| How old were you at this time? | ||
| Fifth grade, so like maybe 10. Yeah. | ||
| And then when I was in high school, I would go to the Laugh Factory all the time and I looked up to D'Elia and I would watch him perform all the time. | ||
| And I remember I was going there so often that Dom Herrera was like, are you stalking me? | ||
| While he's on stage, he's like, are you stalking me? | ||
| And I was like, I just want to be you, Dom. | ||
| And so I think I just knew. | ||
| I was so naive that one day I was at the Laugh Factory and they were doing a new material night. | ||
| And I was like, these people aren't just coming up with this off the cuff. | ||
| They're writing and working on it. | ||
| That means that if I write and work on it, then I can do it. | ||
| And so that's when I went up to Dane Cook after a show and was like, how do I do this? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he was really nice about it. | ||
| So it was eight years ago then. | ||
| Uh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, eight years ago I did my very first open mic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And did you know immediately after you did it, this is what I want to do? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Did you get any laughs? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I have the video on my computer. | ||
| Do you remember your first joke? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'm not going to say it. | ||
| I am not going to say it. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| But it was bad, but I think I told the jokes in a way that was confident. | ||
| Well, no, actually it wasn't. | ||
| No, I take that all back. | ||
| I was shaking on stage so bad. | ||
| Was it the first time you'd ever done anything scary like that? | ||
| Yeah, the first time I really put myself out there in that way. | ||
| But you did the radio. | ||
| But that was pre-recorded. | ||
| I was in a studio. | ||
| I would show up. | ||
| They're telling me who I'm calling, what the point of the phone call is. | ||
| It felt like a controlled environment. | ||
| If a call didn't work out, they scrapped the call, we'd call another place. | ||
| Seriously though, imagine if you did become successful and you had to give Ryan Seacrest 20% forever. | ||
| It just sits with you. | ||
| I don't know what that would have looked like. | ||
| Hell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd be pimped out forever. | ||
| He'd be calling you. | ||
| You know, I got a lot of people that I'm getting 20% from, Allie, but I'm not getting much from you. | ||
| Let's see some movement. | ||
| Sorry, Ryan. | ||
| Sorry, Ryan. | ||
| Come on, get to work. | ||
| Yeah, that would have been awful. | ||
| That would have been so much stress. | ||
| But he does that. | ||
| He did it with the Kardashians, right? | ||
| He produced the show. | ||
| I think he made some sort of weird deal where he gets a percentage of them. | ||
| Oh, I bet. | ||
| Gets a piece of the action. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| But they're bringing in a lot of money. | ||
| Oh, a spectacular amount of money. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| But they're not going to do it anymore, apparently. | ||
| I think people were upset about that because they made it seem like they were done with it, but I believe they are still producing a show but on a different network. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So many. | ||
| 20 seasons of it. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| So do you think they probably want to cut Ryan Seacrest out? | ||
| Probably get tired of this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| They can have their own streaming app probably, right? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Oh, if they did that? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| If they just did some OnlyFans type deal. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| Or Patreon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A lot of people went the Patreon route. | ||
| People make big money on that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Tim Dillon's making like 100K a month on that. | ||
| Why are you writing him out? | ||
| It says it on his profile if you just look at it. | ||
| Yeah, it's public. | ||
| Tim's balling. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's balling out of control. | ||
| He moved to Texas. | ||
| He's out here? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| You knew it, right? | ||
| Everyone's out here. | ||
| A lot of people are out here. | ||
| Segura moved out here. | ||
| They're officially moved. | ||
| But they're still in LA right now. | ||
| To the end of the month. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| It's exciting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| All your friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody. | |
| Joey Diaz is not, though. | ||
| He's in New Jersey eating pizza. | ||
| He likes Jersey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess that's the thing. | ||
| People realize they can kind of be anywhere now. | ||
| To some extent. | ||
| You can to some extent. | ||
| Joey was not a Hollywood guy. | ||
| And once he became successful with his podcast and stand-up, he does not like that acting world of dealing with... | ||
| You know, people that are... | ||
| Let's just be kind and say disingenuous. | ||
| You know, he would get so angry. | ||
| He fucking hated them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He would get so mad. | ||
| These fucking actors. | ||
| He would just get so furious. | ||
| Because he's just like, you know, this former criminal. | ||
| He's an ex-con, you know? | ||
| He's a felon. | ||
| It's like his... | ||
| Can't relate to the pretty boys and girls acting. | ||
| You can't relate to bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not pretty. | ||
| It's just bullshitters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You know? | ||
| It's just a weird environment, you know? | ||
| Do you know if he's doing shows out there or if he's laying low right now? | ||
| Yeah, he's been doing shows. | ||
| How often are you able to get up out here? | ||
| As much as I want. | ||
| During the Chappelle shows, we're doing quite a few. | ||
| I do regular shows in town here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But right now, I'm busy trying to get the club up and running. | ||
| And once the club gets up and running, once all the pieces are in place, you know, it's quite a project, the idea of starting a comedy club. | ||
| Yeah, that seems like a lot of work. | ||
| It does seem like a lot of work, but it also seems exciting, right? | ||
| Because it's like something where you're starting it from the ground up. | ||
| So it's this completely new thing, and it can kind of go a lot of different ways, and a lot of different things can happen. | ||
| And it's like new things, completely new things where you don't know what's going to happen one way or the other. | ||
| Those things are very exciting. | ||
| It's scary, but it's exciting. | ||
| Are there different rooms in there, or is it one main? | ||
| Can't even talk about it. | ||
| Oh, I like that. | ||
| Yeah, because some incorrect information is leaked out, but there's a confidentiality agreement in place until everything's Mom's the word. | ||
| Well, I'm excited to see... | ||
| It's so crazy that you're doing this and to get to see it all unfold and looking back five years from now and seeing what comes. | ||
| Yeah, I think it can be awesome because the goal is to do it the right way and just to make it an awesome place for people to work and an awesome place for people to see comedy. | ||
| So make it as fun and as comfortable for the comics as possible, as welcoming to the comics as possible. | ||
| You know, I want to set up a restaurant there so people can, like comics can eat there too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good food because comics are all unhealthy. | ||
| Kind of like a comedy cellar vibe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I haven't been in a cellar since the 90s. | ||
| But just something where it's like there's healthy food. | ||
| It's a warm, inviting environment. | ||
| So even if you're not, like say if you're working somewhere else, when your set's over, just come down. | ||
| Like people will be there hanging out. | ||
| It'll be fun. | ||
| There's going to be a whole comedian's bar, like the back bar of the store that I'm setting up. | ||
| I'm making it so that it's as welcoming and as fun for comics as possible. | ||
| And the whole idea is just to make it so that I can, as a service to comedians and to comedy. | ||
| Are you in a rush to get it done or are you just taking your time with it? | ||
| I want to do it right. | ||
| I mean, I don't want to take too long, but I want to do it right. | ||
| That's as much time as it takes to do it right. | ||
| But I just want to get it going, you know? | ||
| I just feel like I've just stopped and thought about all the things that I loved about the store and all the things I loved about other places and all the things that I wish that comedy clubs had. | ||
| And so I'm taking it from there. | ||
| And design it from the jump. | ||
| You've got to have a place where comics can chill and they don't get bombarded by people. | ||
| Because there's always weirdos who want to sit next to you and take pictures of you. | ||
| It just gets too weird sometimes. | ||
| Especially when you're preparing to do a show. | ||
| There's some clubs. | ||
| Here's a perfect example. | ||
| The hallway to the OR. It's an impossible place to be. | ||
| Impossible. | ||
| Everybody's talking out in the hallway, and if you have a set, there's always someone who wants to grab you and, hey, can I take a selfie? | ||
| Like, literally about to go on stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or, you know... | ||
| And then you have to be like a dick right before you perform. | ||
| Because the bathrooms are right there. | ||
| You're standing in the hallway so the people are going down there. | ||
| And people can see you in the hallway and then they get up and they walk over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they don't care if you have your notes. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| So you have to hide. | ||
| So you can either stand in that little waitress stand, which you're always in the way. | ||
| The waitresses are trying to go, excuse me, excuse me, I'm sorry. | ||
| You know, and then... | ||
| It's just that the way the OR is set up, the inside is fucking amazing. | ||
| It's one of the greatest inside clubs, but it's the worst setup of all time. | ||
| And then the waitresses have to go through all those fuckheads to get to the stage with the drinks and not have them spill. | ||
| So they have to come out of that back bar and then walk through the swinging doors and then go down the hall and then up the stairs. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It's narrow. | ||
| And what's even worse? | ||
| The fucking belly room. | ||
| They have to hike it. | ||
| Up that crazy flight of stairs with drinks. | ||
| Those girls must have some fucking jack legs because they're walking up there with these stacks of drinks. | ||
| And then you have this insanely tight room where you're supposed to have 70 people, but you always have 100. Yeah, it's packed up. | ||
| Yeah, it's always ridiculous. | ||
| And so many people are standing. | ||
| In the back area, we used to do stand-up on the spot. | ||
| Everybody would be standing in the back because there was no more seats. | ||
| Because all the comics come up and they're just watching. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, so there's places, there's things about the store that I thought were perfect, and there's things that the store, like, this needs to be fixed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I'm going to apply that information. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| But most important, make it as comic-friendly as possible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Make it so they feel like this is home. | ||
| Home. | ||
| Like they feel comfortable there. | ||
| Because it's so special. | ||
| Once you find that in a club, it's like you have better sets because you feel comfortable, you're relaxed, you know the people there, you know how you're going to be treated when you get there. | ||
| And then you can just be let loose on stage. | ||
| There's nothing to think about in terms of like... | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the goal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, if there was a place like that already here, I wouldn't have to open up a place. | ||
| It'd be awesome. | ||
| But right now there's, you know, smaller places that are trying to kind of getting together and figuring it out. | ||
| But the scene here is tight. | ||
| It's strong. | ||
| And it feels good. | ||
| And because all these people are moving here, it's got a lot of energy to it. | ||
| It feels like it's very energized. | ||
| Yeah, it's very exciting. | ||
| Like, walking around. | ||
| I went to Vulcan, the Creek in the Cave, and Paramount Theater, and just walking around the city is just really fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone's fired up. | ||
| Yeah, it's whenever something new is happening, you know, and there's like this exodus to Austin. | ||
| Texodus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| Someone said Texodus. | ||
| That's a good name. | ||
| That's what it's like, though. | ||
| And because of that, just things are stimulated. | ||
| There's like a feeling in the air of newness, of novelty. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| Because you don't usually get a chance to be at something where something is really happening right now. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And because of COVID, everything was kind of forced to happen, you know, especially with Los Angeles still hasn't opened up comedy clubs, which is fucking crazy. | ||
| I don't know what's going to happen June 15th, but apparently they're going to open up a lot of things. | ||
| But I don't know what that means. | ||
| But I think at a very limited capacity. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I don't think that's what they're saying. | ||
| I thought they said like 15 or 20% capacity. | ||
| June 15th? | ||
| But, oh... | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I think June 15th, what California is basically saying is they're going to open everything up on June 15th. | ||
| Because that's quite a while from now. | ||
| It's two months. | ||
| I think the idea is that everybody will either be vaccinated or dead or starve to death. | ||
| And then they'll figure out a way to open it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not funny. | |
| Don't laugh. | ||
| Don't laugh at death. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| And it's also, he's getting recalled. | ||
| I mean, you want to be cynical. | ||
| The governor's getting recalled. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| They're going to have another election. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're going to try to get him out of office. | ||
| So because of that, I'm sure that had a motivation to get him to do things quicker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| For sure. | ||
| But that's also, it's like he keeps going back and forth. | ||
| It's so hard to keep track. | ||
| That's why I'm like, oh, I think it's 20% because one time I read that it was and then it's going to be like 75%. | ||
| Imagine if the comedy store opened up and 200 armed cops were there like that, like that church. | ||
| That's the kind of shit you're dealing with with government. | ||
| Government is supposed to be people that are working for the community. | ||
| They're supposed to be working for people. | ||
| As soon as shit like that happens with that church, you realize like, oh, this is what happens when people think they're just allowed to tell people what to do and other people have to listen and it's mindless and the compliance is mindless. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| And they think they're doing it for a good reason. | ||
| See, the thing about COVID is it's like one of the best reasons. | ||
| Like you're putting other people at risk. | ||
| You're putting other people in danger. | ||
| So therefore, we're going to shoot you. | ||
| We're going to show up with 200 cops and fucking mace you. | ||
| It's just so weird. | ||
| It's such a weird year. | ||
| We had to rethink society. | ||
| And the vulnerability of our civilization has been exposed in a way that you would never think that something that... | ||
| It has a 99-point-whatever-percent survival rate would expose. | ||
| You would never believe... | ||
| I mean, what is the actual... | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| I've heard it's like a one-tenth of one percent death rate, if you want to really be honest about it. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| But whatever it is, it's less than one percent of the people who get it die, and it just wrecked the entire country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's wild. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I imagine something, don't you think something like this is likely to happen again at some point in the future? | ||
| Like, do you think that this event will help the way that we go about it again? | ||
| Or do you think it's one of those things where history repeats itself and no one will really learn? | ||
| We'll be better prepared. | ||
| There's two things that can happen. | ||
| You can be cynical. | ||
| Here's the cynical perspective. | ||
| The cynical perspective is that it becomes an incremental power grab. | ||
| So, like, there's a lot of things that happened after 9-11 where the government stepped in and started doing a lot of shit that they were never doing before. | ||
| before like the NSA wiretapping where there's just overall broad widespread surveillance of the American people that Edward Snowden exposed and that WikiLeaks is sort of exposed and all these different whistleblowers have exposed there's a lot of shit going on that they | ||
| It allows them to do a lot of things without needing warrants, without needing a lot of what they normally would have used before September 11th. | ||
| But because of the Patriot Act, then the Patriot Act II, they were allowed to do all this shit. | ||
| And the justification was, hey, we don't ever want a terrorist attack like that to happen again. | ||
| So then the TSA is in place, right? | ||
| And then the TSA is telling you, you know, you have to take your fucking shoes off because some dude tried to blow his shoes up. | ||
| And, you know, everyone's getting constantly checked and frisked and let me look in your bag and... | ||
| It's, yeah, I was watching the Snowden movie that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in, and I was always kind of the person who's like, who cares if the government's looking at my phone? | ||
| Like, I've got nothing to hide. | ||
| And that movie kind of made me realize, like, it's not about that you have nothing to hide. | ||
| It's the fact that you should be able to Google whatever you want. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And not have anyone, like... | ||
| Privacy is important, even if you think you have nothing to hide. | ||
| It's like it can all be kind of used against you in some way or another. | ||
| And it can be used against you disingenuously. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, you could look up how to get rid of a body. | ||
| It doesn't mean you're a murderer. | ||
| I've looked it up. | ||
| I have to. | ||
| But if you're thinking around, like, how does one get rid of a body? | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| You just can't have people that have that kind of power over other people. | ||
| It's the same thing as those 200 cops showing up at the church. | ||
| Why are they doing that? | ||
| Because they haven't thought it through. | ||
| And that's what people do when they have power over people. | ||
| Did you see that cop that pulled over an officer in the army, a guy who was a lieutenant? | ||
| And was yelling at him, the guy was nothing but polite, wound up macing them, wound up macing him, macing the officer, pulled him out of the car, assaulted him, like fucking manhandled him for nothing, did nothing, maced his dog, his fucking dog got maced, and then had to let him go, because the guy did nothing wrong. | ||
| And now they fired the cop. | ||
| But just imagine that this is happening where people aren't getting filmed, All across the country for years and years and years and years and years. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because we've allowed people to have this unfettered power, this unstopped power, and some people are just terrible at that. | ||
| Now, if that guy got pulled over by a great cop, First of all, maybe a great cop would have never even pulled him over. | ||
| But if we got to see that, hello, sir, how are you doing this evening? | ||
| And the guy said, oh, I see you're in the service. | ||
| What rank are you? | ||
| I'm a lieutenant. | ||
| Thank you for your service. | ||
| And then all of a sudden they have this nice conversation. | ||
| Oh, I thought this was going on, but apparently I'm wrong. | ||
| Have a good day, sir. | ||
| And everybody's like, oh... | ||
| A cop experience can be friendly and positive. | ||
| Now that's a lot of the experiences that people have with police officers, but you never get to see those. | ||
| Because the ones that horrify people are the ones that go viral, like this one. | ||
| I think because you would expect the police to be looking out for you and be treating you in the way of that. | ||
| Those fucking cops. | ||
| So many cops have PTSD. They're all whacked out. | ||
| There's a giant percentage of them. | ||
| I don't know what the number is, but how many cops have seen people murdered? | ||
| How many cops have seen pulled up on car accidents and suicides? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Child molestations and all the fucking horrific shit they see. | ||
| How many lost friends? | ||
| How many have been shot at? | ||
| How many have been in gunfights? | ||
| And then every day, is this the last day of their life? | ||
| And they're all hopped up and stressed out and fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, you know, some of them are not bright, too. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Some of them are great. | ||
| Some of them are brilliant. | ||
| They know how to handle people. | ||
| They have good psychology. | ||
| They're good, solid people with solid character. | ||
| And other ones are just shitbags that wanted to be tough guys. | ||
| And now they got a gun and a badge and they can tell you what to do. | ||
| And they will, get on the fucking floor! | ||
| Get on the floor! | ||
| And you're like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And you've seen it. | ||
| We've all seen it. | ||
| We've all seen those videos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you get out of, like, tickets or anything? | ||
| If I did, I wouldn't tell. | ||
| I'll tell you all fair. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm not a bad guy. | ||
| No, of course not. | ||
| What are you trying to say? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I watched City of Lies over the weekend, which is about... | ||
| It's Johnny Depp, Forrest Whitaker. | ||
| The movie was made four years ago, maybe. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Oh, that's the one about the biggie... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I looked up afterwards how much of what they put in the movie is true or based off of fact. | ||
| It seems like almost all of the movie is based off of fact. | ||
| It's about the Rampart division, right? | ||
| I didn't want to spoil this thing, but that's where there's a line, apparently, according to the movie, that's drawn where there was a cop that could have said... | ||
| This is what it really is, but they went with the Rampart thing anyway, which buried all of this other information and evidence and all sorts of stuff. | ||
| Oh, you spoiler alerted us. | ||
| Fucked it up already. | ||
| Sorry, the book's been out for 15 years. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Yeah, but the movie hasn't. | ||
| The movie's been out for a long time. | ||
| I didn't spoil much of the story. | ||
| It's been out for an hour. | ||
| Nobody's seen that movie. | ||
| No one's going to not watch the movie because I just said that. | ||
| You just ruined it for everyone. | ||
| I'm never watching it, Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so sorry. | |
| You really killed my vibe today. | ||
| There was a good article about that whole thing in Rolling Stone a bunch of years ago. | ||
| So the guy who wrote the book probably wrote that article. | ||
| He was a Rolling Stone contributor. | ||
| That's who Forrest Whitaker's character is. | ||
| The movie is an LA Times writer. | ||
| I don't know what they kind of fudged there. | ||
| Fucking crazy story. | ||
| Yeah, it's a crazy story. | ||
| What's it called City of Lies? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a book called Labyrinth, I believe. | ||
| L-A-B, like Labyrinth. | ||
| Well, it's a perfect example of cops out of control. | ||
| The Rampart Division was out of fucking control. | ||
| And this is coming from a friend of mine who was an L.A. police department guy. | ||
| He worked for the cops. | ||
| And he was telling me, why couldn't I say officer? | ||
| The word officer, I couldn't find it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Officer. | |
| He was an officer. | ||
| He was telling me how fucking out of control they were. | ||
| He's like, these guys just saw a lot of people making millions of dollars selling drugs. | ||
| They saw murders. | ||
| They saw these different things. | ||
| And then cops got paid to do detail. | ||
| So meaning they got paid to do security at a lot of these places where criminals were doing things. | ||
| Whether it's people in the rap industry or whatever industry they were in. | ||
| And then they got closer to some of these criminals and then some of the cops became... | ||
| That's one of the things that happens to undercover drug dealers or undercover DEA agents. | ||
| Sometimes they turn because they realize, like, Jesus Christ, what am I doing? | ||
| I'm making $50,000 a year. | ||
| This guy's making $50,000 an hour. | ||
| What is happening here? | ||
| Why am I wasting my time? | ||
| And then they turn and they wound up doing these... | ||
| They wind up, one of the things that happens is you're undercover and you're pretending you're a drug dealer. | ||
| And then you just become a fucking drug dealer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, what's the other movie like that with, I think, Denzel Washington? | ||
| Training Day. | ||
| I just watched that for the first time. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great fucking movie. | ||
| That's a great fucking movie. | ||
| I was clenched the whole time. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great fucking movie. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| That might be about the rampart. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| It's loosely based off of it. | ||
| Well, undercover cops becoming corrupt and corruption in police departments is as old as time. | ||
| There's always been a problem with it. | ||
| And the documentary The 7-5 is an amazing example of that. | ||
| It's a fucking incredible movie. | ||
| That's Tiller Russell's documentary. | ||
| He's the same guy who did the movie... | ||
| What is the... | ||
| Silk Road. | ||
| Yeah, Silk Road, but the other one. | ||
| Odessa. | ||
| Operation Odessa. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's another documentary. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's another documentary that he did about... | ||
| I don't even want to tell you what it's about. | ||
| I just want you to watch it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| What's it called? | ||
| Operation Odessa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| It's wild. | ||
| Where do I watch it? | ||
| Netflix. | ||
| Netflix, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Netflix. | ||
| But... | ||
| The 7-5 is a great insight into how it goes wrong with cops. | ||
| Because this guy, Mike Dowd, who's sort of the main protagonist, he's a bad guy. | ||
| It's like he becomes a bad guy almost right away. | ||
| And then it gets worse and worse and worse as the story goes on. | ||
| As he gets deeper and deeper involved in corruption, next thing you know, he's like, he's... | ||
| He's selling drugs, he's robbing drug dealers, and it's madness driving a Corvette to work, and everybody's like, where the fuck are you getting this money? | ||
| They were just living like crazy people, doing coke on the job, and they're cops. | ||
| And this was rampant. | ||
| Have you seen Cocaine Cowboys? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| The best corruption. | ||
| Like, see how things go wrong with crime and cops. | ||
| The entire one year, the entire graduating class of the police department in Miami either was murdered or went to jail. | ||
| The entire graduating class. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| They were just wild people. | ||
| And everyone was doing coke, and everyone was selling coke, and the cops were corrupt. | ||
| What year was this, roughly? | ||
| 80s. | ||
| 80s. | ||
| Miami Vice days. | ||
| Good time for coke and... | ||
| Well, that's what made Miami. | ||
| My friend did his residency there. | ||
| He's an ophthalmologist. | ||
| And he said it was the fucking craziest place to be. | ||
| He said every day you see people with a knife in their back, gunshots, this, that. | ||
| It was just cocaine murders, cartel murders. | ||
| It was just... | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| And he was in the emergency room because, you know, he was a young med student. | ||
| So he's dealing with this just all day, day in, day out. | ||
| And he had pictures. | ||
| This is back when you had, like, Polaroids. | ||
| ER doctors. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Yeah, it's nuts. | ||
| Because you never know what you're going to get. | ||
| Especially when you're dealing with cocaine wars. | ||
| And now it's all fentanyl. | ||
| You need to watch Cocaine Cowboys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| And there's Cocaine Cowboys too. | ||
| Oh, the sequel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both of them. | |
| More coke, more cowboys. | ||
| Billy Corbin is one of the best documentary makers of all time. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| He's a guy out of Miami. | ||
| I've had him on the podcast a couple of times. | ||
| He's all... | ||
| Also did this great documentary on steroids and baseball with A-Rod called Screwball, where he used little kids to play the roles of the steroid dealer and the baseball player. | ||
| Used little kids, and the little kids would lip-sync what these guys actually had said in real life. | ||
| It's the most... | ||
| It's a creative and interesting way to make a documentary, but he's like child actors, like a child actor to pretend he's A-Rod, a child actor to pretend he's a steroid doctor. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| I'll watch it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So he has little kids in all the roles. | ||
| So he's got a little kid that plays the doctor, and it's like... | ||
| How did you even think? | ||
| That's a little kid that plays A-Rod. | ||
| And you're like, how did you think to do this? | ||
| It's such a brilliant way of putting together a movie that is so unusual, but it makes it funny. | ||
| And the story's so crazy. | ||
| You're like, is this all true? | ||
| And it is all true. | ||
| And a kid is telling you that it's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So he did that, but he also did Cocaine Cowboys 1 and 2. And those are two of my all-time favorite documentaries. | ||
| I'll watch it. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| I'm down. | ||
| Now you must. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Why are we arguing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Jesus. | ||
| I have to go pee really bad. | ||
| Oh, do you? | ||
| We should go pee. | ||
| I was going to bring a diaper because last time I had to go pee, I was like, maybe I'll just really commit to sitting. | ||
| You don't need to do that. | ||
| Okay, I'll be right back. | ||
| Go pee. | ||
| Don't talk badly about me. | ||
| We won't. | ||
| Okay, I'll listen back to the episode. | ||
| No, there's a fucking TV screen out there. | ||
| You can listen to us. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| So as you walk out... | ||
| It's a long walk. | ||
| Alright, we can talk shit the moment she shuts the door and she'll have about 30 seconds where she won't be able to hear us. | ||
| So what's going on, Jamie? | ||
| Anything else new? | ||
| No, that movie was surprisingly good, I would say. | ||
| And that movie was delayed because of all the scandals with Johnny Depp. | ||
| He apparently won't, according to Stanhope, Stanhope's buddies with him, he won't let this lawsuit go. | ||
| I would cynically say, yeah, sure, that's why it was put on the shelf. | ||
| But after watching the movie, you'd be like, I don't know. | ||
| Maybe they didn't want the movie out because... | ||
| They're splitting out all the details, but the book is out, I don't know. | ||
| You're going all cloak and dagger on me, Jamie. | ||
| It's fun to go that way. | ||
| You do love to go cloak and dagger, though. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| One day, ladies and gentlemen, Jamie will release a documentary. | ||
| He's been working on a cloak and dagger case of utmost importance. | ||
| I don't know about that important. | ||
| Well, it's interesting. | ||
| I would say it's clearly a bit of an obsession with you. | ||
| No, because I like... | ||
| No, obsession's a bad word. | ||
| Yeah, because I don't look up information. | ||
| I don't even try looking into it. | ||
| But obsession sounds negative. | ||
| I shouldn't say a passion project. | ||
| A focus. | ||
| A focus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| A focus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll put it down for three or four months at a time. | ||
| But you're the guy that I always... | ||
| If you and I are talking about a story, you're always like, yeah, but maybe. | ||
| You're the yeah, but maybe guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially after listening to that book that War is a Racket, it's very quick. | ||
| I listen to the audiobook in 45 minutes. | ||
| It's a 50-page book. | ||
| Hearing him talk about things from 100 years ago in the context of today, you're like, did he write this yesterday? | ||
| I know, it's nuts. | ||
| And he didn't know about X amount like World War II, Vietnam, Korean War. | ||
| All these wars didn't exist before. | ||
| It's always been like that. | ||
| I think that's Nero burnt Rome. | ||
| They've always done things to try to force people into wars and to force people to be compliant. | ||
| I mean, Operation Northwoods in the 1960s, they were going to blow up jet airliners and blame it on the Cubans and force us into war with Cuba. | ||
| That's, you know, Hitler burned the Reichstag. | ||
| They've always done things like this. | ||
| People have always done sneaky shit in order to get people to do what they want them to do, in order to start military actions. | ||
| That was quick. | ||
| That was very quick. | ||
| What are you, a bucket? | ||
| You just, like, open the bucket and dump it out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it quick? | |
| That was crazy quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How long? | |
| It was powerful. | ||
| I started another one, which I'm a grain of salt. | ||
| I almost put it down because I was like, this is a little bit much. | ||
| It's from the 70s. | ||
| None Dare Call a Conspiracy or something like that, I think is what it's called. | ||
| Oh, what is that? | ||
| It's written by someone from the government, like a congressman. | ||
| Almost the same book written like 60 years later, a little bit longer, talking about how the media doesn't talk about conspiracies because it's all a conspiracy. | ||
| What do you think they're going to write about this Jeffrey Epstein shit? | ||
| You want to talk about one of the craziest conspiracies of our time? | ||
| I mean this one reads like a fucking movie. | ||
| You got a guy who's supposedly a billionaire that is probably working for some intelligence agencies, maybe foreign intelligence agencies. | ||
| He flies wealthy people, famous people, scientists, technological people. | ||
| He flies them all to the island where they may or may not have fucked underage girls that they set up with cameras. | ||
| So they filmed heads of state, billionaires, all these people on an island. | ||
| Fucking underage girls, allegedly. | ||
| They catch him, he goes to jail, but gets the most gentle slap on the wrist sentence ever. | ||
| Journalists start trying to figure out why the fuck does he get this little slap on the wrist sentence? | ||
| This goes on for years, and finally, from people writing stories about it, they arrest him again. | ||
| This time, he's going down. | ||
| And when people realize he's going down, they kill him in jail. | ||
| And then there's stories about all these different hedge fund people that give him millions of dollars. | ||
| Some guy gave him a fucking house in Manhattan worth 60 million bucks. | ||
| All these different people are involved in it. | ||
| Bill Gates had visited with him and after he'd gotten arrested the first time, had been involved with him. | ||
| All these different people have done things with him. | ||
| All these different people have been to parties at his house. | ||
| All these different people. | ||
| It's fucking wild. | ||
| And then the guy gets murdered in jail when he's about to testify. | ||
| And all the cameras are broken. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't matter. | ||
| Oh no, he killed himself. | ||
| Sorry, sorry, he killed himself. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| What's going on with Jizz Lane? | ||
| She's for sure going to sing if they let her, but who knows? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, once they killed Jeffrey Epstein in jail and then pretended that he killed himself, which is kind of hilarious. | ||
| Hilarious how the cameras were broken. | ||
| I mean, it really is like a scene in a movie, right? | ||
| Oh, the cameras are broken. | ||
| Didn't work. | ||
| How did he kill himself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I guess he just hung himself or something. | |
| Do you think everyone who is in the guest book or whatever who flew there was involved? | ||
| Or do you think some of the trips were innocent? | ||
| I think for sure some people were probably innocent. | ||
| Some people were probably coerced into doing something. | ||
| They were probably compromised. | ||
| You know, especially you get like these nerd scientists and you get them around hot girls. | ||
| I mean, they're probably like... | ||
| You probably can't believe these girls are even talking to them, even if they don't do anything with them. | ||
| They're taking pictures with them, these girls are hugging them, and they want to go back again. | ||
| And they're getting free food and a free plane ride, and then they're getting grants, right? | ||
| So they're getting money to do these things. | ||
| I was talking to a scientist about it, and he goes, it wasn't even a lot of money. | ||
| He goes, give them like, you know, a million dollars for this thing, a million dollars to that thing, to this guy that's supposed to be worth a billion dollars. | ||
| For him, it's probably a pretty easy investment to get close to these people and to bring them to these parties and take photos with them, always taking photos of people. | ||
| It's dark because if you want to believe the people that were told to give him a slap on the wrist the first time, what they had said was that he was above their pay grade and that he was someone that was protected. | ||
| He was intelligent. | ||
| What was the one guy who had a quote about it? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| We talked about it. | ||
| The guy that said that I was told that he was intelligent. | ||
| That's basically the quote, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've discovered. | ||
| I'm looking up information on Ghislaine. | ||
| And there's a new website that's popped up today. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Run by her family called RealGhislaine.com. | ||
| The RealGhislaine.com? | ||
| I guess they're trying to battle the smears the media has painted about her. | ||
| Okay, but how do they know? | ||
| One-dimensional character. | ||
| They've known the real Ghislaine all her life, not the fictional, one-dimensional character created by the media. | ||
| It says this website was popped up to counter some toilet-flushing smears about her, where she's not flushing her toilet or something like that at her gender jail cell. | ||
| So she decided that's how she's going to protest, by not flushing? | ||
| That's part, I mean, maybe the media's putting that out about her, so it makes her seem... | ||
| They probably broke her toilet, and then they're like, this dirty bitch doesn't even flush her toilet. | ||
| Look, it doesn't work! | ||
| Probably took the plunger out, the whole thing. | ||
| I love that they're outraged about the toilet comment, but her being, you know, an apprentice to sex trafficking. | ||
| They're like, we can let that slide, but if she's clogging the toilets, we need to clear her name. | ||
| If they have the kind of power and the kind of influence that you would imagine they have, because you have all these people that are on that fly list, Bill Clinton flew, I think, 26, 28 times, which is kind of crazy. | ||
| I mean, have you ever flown with your mom 28 times? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like they say, if you go to the barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut. | ||
| You keep hanging around the barber shop. | ||
| What do you know? | ||
| You have a buzz cut. | ||
| We had a nice plane. | ||
| There was that weird public troll they did too with her when everyone was looking for her. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, she was at In-N-Out in the valley reading this book. | ||
| And she had a book about people in the CIA that are killed. | ||
| What was that about? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was the title of the book again? | ||
| It was just about CIA agents that had gotten... | ||
| I don't remember the title of the book. | ||
| I tried to find it again recently. | ||
| At In-N-Out, staring right at the camera, clearly aware someone was photographing her. | ||
| So creepy. | ||
| It's wild shit. | ||
| And then they find her in a cabin in New Hampshire. | ||
| What is this, a Tom Clancy book? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| What is going on at this moment that we just have no idea about? | ||
| There's got to be young Epsteins out there who... | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But this is, like, it's bigger than that because, like, he got all these celebrities to come and hang with him. | ||
| Like, the people on the list that flew with him, it's pretty substantial. | ||
| It's probably to even it out, even out the guest book, make it look a little more normal. | ||
| No, I think it's to make it more attractive to all these other people. | ||
| I feel like it probably had an interest in science, legitimately, but then on top of that, you can learn a lot about things if you compromise scientists. | ||
| I mean, you get the most intelligent people in the world, and you compromise them, and you have access to all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| But it's just so wild. | ||
| It reads like a movie. | ||
| And you realize, like, oh my god, maybe Alex Jones is right. | ||
| It reads like a fucking movie. | ||
| There's two other things. | ||
| There's a story today that was on 60 Minutes yesterday about putting a microchip under your skin to test for COVID. It's not an injection. | ||
| I don't want to freak you out like that, but I looked it up myself. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| So it's a test. | ||
| And what is it, attached to an app? | ||
| That part I don't understand. | ||
| It just says it will allow the user to know that you need to go get a rapid blood test. | ||
| I'm like, how is it telling you that? | ||
| A buzz? | ||
| Just imagine if COVID was way more deadly. | ||
| What if it killed like 15% of the people who got it or 20% of the people who got it? | ||
| We would be living in China. | ||
| We'd basically be living in communist China. | ||
| I mean, we would give up all of our rights for safety. | ||
| We'd be fucked. | ||
| And there's a little thing up there. | ||
| Scroll back up to the title, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't say it in the title. | |
| Military programs aiming to end pandemics forever. | ||
| Bill Whittaker reports on Pentagon products that help combat COVID-19, help end pandemics forever. | ||
| And these are microchips. | ||
| And they'll put that microchip inside you, and that'll stop the pandemic, Allie. | ||
| Because then when we know you have it, we'll come and get you and lock you up in a jail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And give you jail food. | ||
| Did you see the movie Kingsman, The Secret Service? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the people shooting people and stabbing people and doing karate. | ||
| Yeah, but pretty much they're like... | ||
| Did you see it, Jamie? | ||
| They're like super James Bonds, right? | ||
| But they're kids, right? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They're not kids. | ||
| It's in England. | ||
| I get turned off by just watching them throw knives at each other and shit. | ||
| Didn't they do a bunch of things like that? | ||
| Yeah, but there's a little more to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a little more. | |
| Samuel L. Jackson's in it. | ||
| Samuel L. Jackson, yeah. | ||
| He's like this kind of corrupt dude who everyone thinks is a good guy because he created... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's like a celebrity. | ||
| And then he creates this SIM card for your phone. | ||
| He's like, I'm giving away free SIM cards. | ||
| Everyone can put it in their phone. | ||
| That way, you know, the... | ||
| Non-wealthy people can have access to phone usage, whatever. | ||
| So everyone's lining up to get these SIM cards in their phone. | ||
| And then he has this control and this power in the SIM cards. | ||
| When the sound goes off, everyone goes crazy and starts to kill each other. | ||
| No! | ||
| And I watched that movie right before getting the vaccine and I was like, is this my SIM card? | ||
| There's so many people that think that Bill Gates is trying to put microchips in people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what this article says. | ||
| It's like, don't worry, conspiracy heads. | ||
| Bill Gates is not trying to put a microchip in you. | ||
| So is Bill Gates! | ||
| Bill Gates owns more farmland than anybody else on Earth. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He owns more American farmland than anybody else on Earth. | ||
| He owns all of it. | ||
| He just keeps buying up farmland. | ||
| Bill Gates to table. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| I don't like that either. | ||
| Makes me very uncomfortable. | ||
| He's just... | ||
| I don't trust a guy who dances the way he dances. | ||
| Can't trust him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever seen him dance? | ||
| No, but he's like an old white guy. | ||
| It'd be weird if you saw him pop lock and drop it. | ||
| Some old white guys got a little bit of swagger. | ||
| A little shoulder. | ||
| They got the shoulder. | ||
| They get into it. | ||
| You can tell they danced when they were younger a little bit. | ||
| Maybe now they've got a bad back, but they're giving it their all. | ||
| He never got invited to any dances. | ||
| Jamie, pull up Bill Gates dancing. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| He's only 49th on the list. | ||
| Is Bill Gates on TikTok? | ||
| I thought you were about to say he's only 49. I was like, oh my god. | ||
| 49th on the list of what? | ||
| Landowners. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Size-wise, yeah, that's what it says. | ||
| In the United States? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| No, not landowners, farmland. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Why did they say he's become the number one farmland owner in the country? | ||
| There was an article about it just two days ago. | ||
| An article from three days ago. | ||
| Bill Gates buys a big farm on shopping, or buys big on farmland shopping spree, and then says Ted Turner is ranked third, Jeff Bezos is 25th, and Gates is in the 49th spot by rising. | ||
| Oh, that's weird. | ||
| Well, why don't you Google Bill Gates' number one farmland owner in America? | ||
| Because there was an article about it just a couple of days ago. | ||
| That's so weird that it's 49th and Bezos actually owns more than he does? | ||
| And this is farmland? | ||
| Farmland. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like that. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| As of January, land reports. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if they would have a lot more updated. | ||
| Private farmland. | ||
| The U.S. assets totaling more than one of the largest. | ||
| But not really, because there's 49 people or 48 people ahead of him. | ||
| He owns 242,000 acres of American farmlands. | ||
| Mainly in West Texas. | ||
| The largest holdings. | ||
| Hold on, scroll up a little bit. | ||
| Scroll up. | ||
| Largest holdings in Louisiana, 69,071 acres. | ||
| Arkansas, 47,000. | ||
| And Arizona, 25,750. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| I wonder why someone wrote an incorrect article. | ||
| Because it gets clicks? | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, by the way, folks, there's a bunch of... | ||
| There's always going to be that, right? | ||
| Yeah, this does say, a New York Post that says he's now the biggest farmland owner, so... | ||
| Yeah, so what does that mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Fucking New York Post? | ||
| How are they getting it wrong like that? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I think. | ||
| That's not what I read. | ||
| That's not the article I read, but it was a similar article somewhere else, I believe. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Is this James O'Keefe? | ||
| No, it's different. | ||
| Who's O'Keefe? | ||
| Eric O'Keefe. | ||
| Eric O'Keefe. | ||
| He's got an alt. | ||
| Scroll back up again a little. | ||
| It says he has an alter ego. | ||
| Farmer Bill, the guy who owns more farmland than anyone else in America. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why it says that. | ||
| The land report scoop made headlines. | ||
| Dates longstanding interest in climate change sustainability. | ||
| It's just odd. | ||
| It's odd when someone's a super billionaire and they're just like owning up all the farmland and trying to vaccinate everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And with farmland, it's like all the food. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you going to force everybody to eat your farmland burgers? | ||
| Are you going to make some weird food? | ||
| Do you have a garden at your place? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I should, though. | ||
| You should get a greenhouse. | ||
| You should get a goat. | ||
| I don't like goats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I mean, I don't hate them. | ||
| But they're not your favorite. | ||
| I don't have a thing like you do with goats. | ||
| Do you have a weird animal that you really love? | ||
| There's a ring-tailed cat in my neighborhood. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| A ring-tailed cat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We caught on security camera. | ||
| It's really adorable. | ||
| This is what they look like. | ||
| Oh, that is so cute. | ||
| Yeah, that little guy. | ||
| How did you know it was a ring-tailed cat? | ||
| Well, someone who works for me recognized it, and then we started Googling it, and that's the little guy who, or that's the kind of little guy, or little girl, is in our neighborhood. | ||
| Are they friendly, or will they like... | ||
| They'll kill you. | ||
| They'll bite your face off. | ||
| They'll fuck you up and give you rabies. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| Oh, it's so cute. | ||
| It kind of looks like an opossum. | ||
| I love opossums. | ||
| A much larger rat with a super cool tail. | ||
| It's so cute. | ||
| It is adorable, right? | ||
| It's like a cat fucked a raccoon. | ||
| Or a raccoon fucked a cat. | ||
| I think the cat would be the bottom, right? | ||
| In a raccoon-cat confrontation. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Cats can be pretty dominant and top energy. | ||
| But raccoons are so much bigger. | ||
| And they have hands. | ||
| They can hold the cat. | ||
| The cats will sass them into being bottom. | ||
| Cats will be like, get down, bitch. | ||
| But raccoons kill dogs. | ||
| Didn't you see Old Yeller? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You didn't see Old Yella? | ||
| Did you ever see Old Yella? | ||
| When I was probably two, three. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think a raccoon killed the dog, right? | ||
| Isn't that what happened? | ||
| I thought one of the parents shoots the dog. | ||
| Talk about a spoiler alert. | ||
| Wasn't it that the raccoon had rabies and he infected the dog and then the parents had to kill the dog? | ||
| Some old school country type deal. | ||
| Do you like Westerns? | ||
| Like on... | ||
| I like Unforgiven. | ||
| That's one of my favorite Westerns. | ||
| Is that a movie or a TV show? | ||
| Oh my god, how dare you? | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm figuring it out. | ||
| He was bitten by a rabid wolf in the book. | ||
| A rabid wolf? | ||
| In the movie? | ||
| Wasn't it a raccoon though? | ||
| Synthesis said the book. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You are a little fiend. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| You can't stop. | ||
| No. | ||
| That shit's so bad for your lungs. | ||
| I stopped at the beginning of the pandemic. | ||
| Oh, you started up again today before the show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I stopped for like two months and then I was back on. | ||
| Why'd you get back on it? | ||
| Because I like it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| The Unforgiven is one of the greatest westerns, if not the greatest western of all time. | ||
| It's Morgan Freeman, Clint Eastwood, who's the sheriff? | ||
| Bless you! | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I'm trying to hold that one. | ||
| Gene Hackman. | ||
| And I forget who else is in it, but fucking phenomenal. | ||
| It's like a realistic Western. | ||
| And it's basically, Clint Eastwood did all those spaghetti Westerns. | ||
| They were all great. | ||
| All those Western movies, you know, Outlaw, Josie Wales, all that kind of shit. | ||
| But this is like realism. | ||
| It's even like the heroics are not that heroic. | ||
| So many people are cowards. | ||
| The people that are evil, the way they're evil is believable. | ||
| It's an amazing movie, if I remember correctly. | ||
| I haven't seen it in a decade, but I remember loving it. | ||
| It was almost like Clint Eastwood, as he got older and became a more respected actor and also then became a director, had decided, you know what, I'm going to clean this up. | ||
| I'm going to make a movie that's a realistic Western. | ||
| It's my favorite Western. | ||
| It's a fucking great movie. | ||
| It's about a guy, spoiler alert, who used to be a killer. | ||
| And he settles down to become a farmer. | ||
| And then along the way, circumstances and things happen, and he has to go back into his... | ||
| His old skills is a dark movie. | ||
| It's heavy. | ||
| I like heavy movies. | ||
| It's a heavy movie. | ||
| But it also makes you realize, like, my God, living back then must have been so hard. | ||
| And it's not that long ago. | ||
| You know, you're talking about 1850, 1840. That's not that long ago. | ||
| That's fucking really recent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A couple hundred years ain't shit. | ||
| But a couple hundred years ago, life was awful. | ||
| It was just awful. | ||
| And that's the thing with now. | ||
| I feel like you have to take a moment to be just like... | ||
| As bad as you can make things out to be, it's like, well, just take it for what it is. | ||
| Because who knows if it's going to get worse or better. | ||
| Well, you know what the problem is? | ||
| As bad as it is today, for a lot of people, is the worst they've ever had it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Now, if you... | ||
| If you talk to someone who grew up in a third world country, if you talk to someone who grew up in extreme poverty or in a war zone, their idea of this would be, it would be nothing. | ||
| Like, I had a friend, my friend Shuki, he was my kickboxing coach back in the day, and he was from Israel. | ||
| You're like, you're sucking on that thing again. | ||
| You can't even help yourself. | ||
| I'll put them away. | ||
| No, you don't have to. | ||
| I'm just giving you a hard time. | ||
| My friend Shuki was from Israel, and he was always happy. | ||
| Always happy. | ||
| I remember I had dinner over at his house, and he was playing the bongos, and his wife was dancing, his kids dancing. | ||
| Everyone's dancing. | ||
| I was like, you guys are so happy. | ||
| Why are you so happy? | ||
| He goes, man, he goes, living in Israel, he goes, it's like, you never know when you're going to die. | ||
| He was like, it was just like, there's always craziness. | ||
| So like every day that you're alive is party, party, party. | ||
| That's how he thought about it. | ||
| He was like a real live Zohan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, that's what he's like. | ||
| I went to Israel and I was there for like maybe a month. | ||
| And it was so crazy. | ||
| It was just like such a reality shift where you go to a mall and there's armed guards standing outside. | ||
| And then there was like an incident where two Israeli kids have been like kidnapped or something. | ||
| And so everyone was on edge. | ||
| And there were bombs when you're there and you just like don't even realize it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would be a very different way of growing up. | ||
| He went back there. | ||
| Oh, he did? | ||
| Yeah, he was living in Tarzana for a while. | ||
| He was running Majiro Gym, a kickboxing gym in Tarzana. | ||
| He's like, yeah, going back to Israel. | ||
| He's there now. | ||
| You think he's still playing the bongos? | ||
| Oh yeah, he is. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I'll find you his Instagram. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| But he's got this sort of unique perspective because of, you know, growing up and living in Israel. | ||
| It's just like, things are just different there. | ||
| It's just, he's, you know, he's experienced a lot of, like, shit that makes you... | ||
| Let me find it. | ||
| Shuki... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shukiran. | |
| Shukiran Muay Thai. | ||
| So I'll send it to you, Jamie. | ||
| Hold on a second here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Share. | |
| Copy profile URL. Here, Jamie. | ||
| It's just that life, the life that he lived in Israel and just living in a place that's so ridden with conflict forever, right? | ||
| From the beginning of Israel in the 1940s. | ||
| And even before then, right? | ||
| It was just constant conflict. | ||
| And so their idea is when you're alive and everything's okay, it's like fucking party. | ||
| And so they're playing bongos and dancing and... | ||
| Count as private. | ||
| Shit! | ||
| He's gonna probably have a lot of requests after this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| Well, I can't, you know, I can't get it to you somehow. | ||
| What can I do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
If we had an Apple TV, you could at least show it on the TV. Yeah, I can't. | |
| Can't? | ||
| But here's him hitting the double in the back. | ||
| Oh, he's fit. | ||
| Oh, yeah, he's in his 60s now, too. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| He's in great shape. | ||
| He's a great guy, though. | ||
| Now he's gonna get swamped. | ||
| But, um... | ||
| We're soft. | ||
| And it's not bad that we're soft. | ||
| I think it would be great if we never had to be hard. | ||
| But the problem is adversity for a lot of people today is overwhelming. | ||
| And the overwhelming adversity of the past year has broken a lot of people. | ||
| There's a lot of people that I can't talk to anymore. | ||
| Because the way they handled COVID and the way they would scream at people on Twitter and the way they would act in real life, I'm like, bro, you've got to get your shit together. | ||
| I know it's hard to see it because I feel like it brought out so many like neuroses in people that was kind of always there but this like really brought it to the forefront and it's hard to see them have such a you know mentally difficult response to it. | ||
| It's just eating away at them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a test. | ||
| Last year has been a test for a lot of folks. | ||
| Some people have come through it really well. | ||
| Some people have had good times and bad times. | ||
| Other people have just fallen apart and becoming incredibly neurotic. | ||
| You just realize how many people have zero capacity for adversity. | ||
| They don't have any. | ||
| They've never played sports. | ||
| They've never had hard times. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| Oh, that's Shooky. | ||
| Shooky! | ||
| He's out there. | ||
| I found it on YouTube. | ||
| Oh, that's 2015. I think he was still here. | ||
| I think that was when he was in America. | ||
| I think. | ||
| But I trained with him way back in the day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I trained with him like 2001. He's a fight choreographer for a kickboxing movie. | |
| Oh yeah? | ||
| He did a lot of things. | ||
| He trained a lot of fighters too. | ||
| He trained Stan Longinitis. | ||
| Stan the man Longinitis back in the day. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| What would your nickname be if you were like a... | ||
| Don't some people have nicknames? | ||
| Smokin' Joe probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smokin' Joe. | |
| LOL. Smokin' Joe. | ||
| I would steal it from Joe Frazier. | ||
| Respect to Joe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think I'd have a nickname. | ||
| I don't think it's necessary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Could be fun though. | ||
| There's some good nicknames and there's like a lot of fighters in MMA have... | ||
| There's too many nicknames. | ||
| Like they try too hard. | ||
| They're like really wanting the nickname to catch on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, it's just like, sometimes you don't, if you don't have a nickname, just accept it. | ||
| Has it been weird going to, like, the UFC events without the audiences and stuff? | ||
| No, it's been awesome. | ||
| You like it better? | ||
| Oh, I love it, yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I don't like it better. | ||
| Because audiences are awesome, too. | ||
| But it's a different experience. | ||
| Like, you feel really lucky. | ||
| Like, when I was at the... | ||
| Well, the Stipe Miocic-Francis and Ghanu fight, which was a couple weeks ago, that was weird because they started to let a lot of celebrities in there. | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| Travis Barker was there. | ||
| Megan Fox was there, Machine Gun Kelly, all these famous... | ||
| Kourtney Kardashian. | ||
| She was there. | ||
| She was there with Travis. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're a thing. | |
| I know. | ||
| It's so juicy. | ||
| I've been keeping up. | ||
| So juicy. | ||
| And there was a lot of YouTube stars. | ||
| But there was an actual crowd this time. | ||
| There was probably like 150 people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Whereas usually it's been like, it started off, it was like real strict, like 20 people and that's it. | ||
| But this last one, it was like, there's quite a few people at the Apex Center. | ||
| And then the next one, which is not this upcoming weekend, but the next weekend, is in Florida with a full house in Fort Lauderdale. | ||
| Yeah, packed. | ||
| Are you going to be there? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Are you excited? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I'm excited. | ||
| It's an awesome card, but it's also, it's going to be wild to be. | ||
| It's just, wow! | ||
| That energy is crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then there's another one in May in Houston that I'm doing that's also full crowd. | ||
| Hometown. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hometown Advantage. | ||
| Close. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm doing a theater in Houston, too. | ||
| Oh, fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Want to do it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You want to do it with me? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You, me, and the Golden Pony. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| I want to cry. | ||
| You had the fucking craziest ascent into arenas of all time. | ||
| It freaks me out thinking about it. | ||
| Like, if I think about it too long, I'm like, this is a simulation. | ||
| It was kind of a stupid thing for me to even ask you to do. | ||
| It was. | ||
| It was very stupid. | ||
| I just gave you so much pressure. | ||
| But you handled it so well. | ||
| I feel like you're set in... | ||
| This is... | ||
| Tell everybody what happened. | ||
| Allie had done, we had done shows because I'd seen her do The Store and I'd seen you do Kill Tony. | ||
| I have a question. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Did you, was, how, so I remember the first time you asked me to do guest spots at the Ice House. | ||
| I asked you to host, I think. | ||
| You asked me to, no, I think I was just doing guest spots. | ||
| The first time? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because I think you just wanted to see how I would do on a show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A set. | |
| A real show. | ||
| Packed house. | ||
| I never know. | ||
| Was Tony like, you have to see this girl? | ||
| Or was it just from seeing me on Kill Tony? | ||
| Well, I'm always looking for people that I think have talent. | ||
| Always. | ||
| And I've got a pretty good record. | ||
| If you look at all the people that I have, like Duncan and Diaz and Ari and Segura, all the guys that I started taking on the road with me, I have a good eye for when... | ||
| You don't know if someone's going to make it. | ||
| You really don't. | ||
| But you know if someone can make it. | ||
| Do you make me laugh? | ||
| Are you funny? | ||
| Do I see you've got something? | ||
| And the difference between someone who's got something and someone who's selling out a comedy club every weekend is just time and focus and sometimes a little boost. | ||
| Like someone else coming along going, I think you're good. | ||
| You make me laugh. | ||
| You could do this. | ||
| That happened to me when I was coming up. | ||
| People did that for me. | ||
| I'll never forget Lenny Clark, who did that for me when I was like a year into comedy. | ||
| I opened for him, and he gave me this huge compliment. | ||
| He complimented, kid, you're fucking hilarious! | ||
| Big, giant Irish guy with crazy accent, Boston accent. | ||
| It meant so much to me. | ||
| I'm like, I'm going to help every comic I can when I can. | ||
| So whenever I see someone that's good, I've always been like, you can do this. | ||
| I was taking it the other day to some lady that was doing a show at Vulcan. | ||
| I was like, just keep going. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| You're funny. | ||
| You made me laugh. | ||
| It's the difference between... | ||
| Being someone who's funny who's been doing it a year and someone who's funny that is headlining and killing it on the road and has got a Netflix special is just time. | ||
| It's all it is. | ||
| And I know you want to do it. | ||
| So just keep putting that fucking time in and you can do it. | ||
| And then you've got to be around people like Tim Dillon and Santino and there's other comics that are also doing it. | ||
| And then you're in. | ||
| You're one of us. | ||
| And then next thing you know, you're killing it. | ||
| So I had seen you perform a couple of times on Kill Tony. | ||
| I thought you were really funny, and Tony said, yeah, she's hilarious. | ||
| And then I saw some other sets, and I'm like, I need to see a set of hers in front of a regular crowd. | ||
| Not like a crowd that's there to see an open mic night, but a crowd that's there to see me and my friends. | ||
| So then I said, come do some shows at the Improv. | ||
| We did a few of those, did a few of those at the Comedy Store. | ||
| I wanted to test you in a bunch of different ones. | ||
| And then I remember it was like, you were saying that you were going to be in Vegas. | ||
| You wanted to know if you could get tickets to the fights. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, you said you were going to be in Vegas. | ||
| I said I wanted to see you at a theater and you were going to be in Vegas, so I was going to drive out. | ||
| No, you also said you wanted to see the fights. | ||
| I know we were talking about a UFC. And you said, do you think I can get tickets to that? | ||
| And I said, sure. | ||
| And then we talked about the show. | ||
| I said, do you want to go up on the show? | ||
| And then I was like, no. | ||
| And you're like, could I? Because you had only done... | ||
| Oh, you took that photo, Jamie. | ||
| That's you about to go on stage. | ||
| And there was an earthquake right before. | ||
| Okay, that's hilarious. | ||
| Bad day. | ||
| That's right, there was, right? | ||
| In Vegas. | ||
| So you killed. | ||
| You went up there loose as a goose. | ||
| You were focused, but you can tell you had all this energy because you knew like, holy shit. | ||
| So you went from doing the improv, which is a couple hundred seats, the main room at the comedy store, a little bit more than that. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, you're in front of 1,300 people. | ||
| And so you get off stage. | ||
| You did great. | ||
| And I said, okay, do you want to do an arena? | ||
| Well, first of all, I open in front of 1,300 people, which is obviously the biggest show I've ever done. | ||
| And I'm freaking out because my set was good. | ||
| You liked it. | ||
| And I was like, okay. | ||
| Like, that was so great. | ||
| How fun. | ||
| I get to go to the UFC. Also, Aerosmith is there. | ||
| Fucking Steven Tyler. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, you have the thickest eyebrows I've ever seen. | |
| That's badass. | ||
| I was like, thank you. | ||
| How nice is he? | ||
| He's so nice. | ||
| He's so nice. | ||
| Oh, I loved him. | ||
| And then we go out to dinner and that was Bruce Buffer's there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was just so surreal. | ||
| And then you just said to me at dinner, you're like, I want to do an arena. | ||
| And I was like, I was like shaking like a chihuahua. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, yeah, I don't know. | |
| You killed. | ||
| And that was, yeah. | ||
| You fucking killed. | ||
| You really did. | ||
| That was Portland, right? | ||
| Portland. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Moda Center. | ||
| That was, uh, I think at least 11,000 people. | ||
| I forget how many. | ||
| It is a big ass fucking place though. | ||
| And it was, there's no preparation for something like that. | ||
| I mean, obviously- No one can prepare you. | ||
| And you were in the round too, which is always weird. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I was just so out of breath when I got on stage because I'm running up. | ||
| I'm like, it takes so long to get on stage after you say my name. | ||
| And you gotta go through all those people too. | ||
| You gotta go through the masses to get to the stage. | ||
| It was the coolest thing ever. | ||
| It's a wild way to do it, but you only get to do that once. | ||
| There's no time in your life where you get to go from going to a club to going on stage in front of 1,300 people to going on stage in front of whatever it was, 11,000 people. | ||
| That only happens once. | ||
| Or you get a chance to do that for the first time. | ||
| So a first time like that is only once. | ||
| So it was cool that I got to be the person that brought you to the dance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you handled it. | ||
| And you went up there fucking... | ||
| I remember we were backstage going, she's fucking doing it. | ||
| She's killing it. | ||
| You were killing it. | ||
| You were tight, but you were smiling and having fun up there. | ||
| And it worked. | ||
| You got the crowd going. | ||
| You got everybody warmed up. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It was fucking great. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It was so fun. | ||
| I was really proud of you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Yeah, because it's like I was saying at the beginning of the podcast, it's like there's so many highs and lows and so... | ||
| It's just great to remember, like, Joe's not gonna bring someone to do that who sucks. | ||
| No, I knew you were good. | ||
| You know, like, I'll have bad sets, and it's like, that's all part of it, you know, growing and building and getting better, and the bad sets, they hurt. | ||
| They feel bad, and it can hurt your confidence, but then you have to remember, like, it's not always, you're gonna grow from this, and... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's a trip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sigh. | |
| Look, I wouldn't have... | ||
| If I had been doing comedy as long as you, I would have shit my pants. | ||
| I'm shitting right now. | ||
| I would not have been able to do it. | ||
| I would have fucking... | ||
| I would have panicked. | ||
| I would have had a panic attack. | ||
| Oh, I was panicking, all right. | ||
| But you did it. | ||
| You pulled it off. | ||
| I knew. | ||
| I kind of knew. | ||
| I mean, I hoped. | ||
| But I knew. | ||
| I knew you were good. | ||
| When I saw you go up in Vegas, and I... Who did we do Vegas with? | ||
| We did it with Ian Edwards. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I remember I told Ian, I'm gonna bring you to the theater, or to the arena. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was like, what? | ||
| And I was like, I think she can handle it. | ||
| And then I got to go to the UFC. I just wanted to see if you could handle it, too. | ||
| Because I knew you could. | ||
| Like, I knew if you can just do what you just did in front of 1,300 people, you could do it in front of 10,000 or 11,000 or whatever it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew you could do it. | ||
| Imagine if I bombed. | ||
| It would have been rough. | ||
| But I would have said, dude, you're only going to get a chance to bomb one time like that in front of an arena when you really shouldn't have been doing it yet. | ||
| You would have been fine. | ||
| It would have been fun. | ||
| But I'm glad I didn't. | ||
| I would have been hurting for a while. | ||
| You killed. | ||
| You did the right thing too. | ||
| You started off like fun and loose. | ||
| And I was like, look at her, like a fish to water. | ||
| You just took right to it. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| I mean, that's the thing. | ||
| When you ask me how I got into stand-up, it's like I've just always wanted to make people laugh. | ||
| And so when a set goes well and you're able to make a lot of people laugh, nothing feels better. | ||
| It's like I'm fulfilling my life's purpose. | ||
| And if a set goes bad, I'm like... | ||
| And there's those moments too where something like that will happen. | ||
| They can give you a giant boost. | ||
| You could do open mics around town and you can grind and that's great for you. | ||
| There's nothing bad about grinding. | ||
| There's nothing bad about doing guest sets whenever you can. | ||
| But there's something about when a thing happens where all of a sudden you have this new kind of experience. | ||
| And the kind of experience... | ||
| I didn't do arenas until I did arenas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't do an arena until I was like 25 years into comedy, you know? | ||
| And that's the scary thing is, like, as cool as it is, and being as somewhat newer into stand-up, you know, it's scary to say I've done an arena, but, like, I'm still really working hard on, like, headlining. | ||
| Like, this is all still new to me. | ||
| Like, I did an arena before I even headlined, and it's like, you know, I hope people don't think that because I've had these cool experiences that I'm like a... | ||
| Well, you're still out there grinding. | ||
| I think that's really, that's very important. | ||
| Like, you have to have a varied diet. | ||
| Like, doing those big shows is great, but you also gotta do these little shitty shows. | ||
| Like, you have to do shows where you, like, when you get those spots at the store at, like, 1230, and there's 15 people in the audience. | ||
| Like, the first time I saw Laura. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| The first time I saw Laura, she was on stage, Burt and I had come from the main room, we had a couple drinks in the back bar, and they were walking by the OR, and we said, let's just go see who's on stage. | ||
| And Burt and I sat in the back, and Laura fucking killed. | ||
| She killed. | ||
| And she was loose, and she was just fun, and I wrote about it on my Instagram, and I was like, that girl's a fucking killer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's a killer. | |
| She's a machine. | ||
| She's just fucking funny. | ||
| And it's like, that's where comedy comes alive. | ||
| It comes alive in all these different venues. | ||
| In a big crowd where you get a packed spot in the main room, or a little shitty show where it's like, you know, there's 13 people left in the audience and you go up and you just, you catch a vibe. | ||
| You hit the wave and you ride it. | ||
| And they're all like just as important. | ||
| All just as important. | ||
| Like doing the 13 or the 13 audience member room and the 10,000 person arena like both like you can learn from any set that you have and no set is necessarily better than the other but I'll tell you an arena feels good. | ||
| How many arenas did you do with me? | ||
| I think like five or four. | ||
| It's the craziest thing. | ||
| It's the craziest thing. | ||
| It is crazy. | ||
| It's so wild. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It really is. | |
| But I'm so grateful because it's so cool to to not just to do the arena but to see but to see someone like you who takes someone like me who had only been doing stand-up at that time for like four five years To see the way that you treat me and your feature act and the things that we get to do, that's so fun to witness because I want to one day have my own arena shows. | ||
| That's my dream is to be able to be in that position to fly someone out first class for the first time and You know, get a big steak before the show or after the show and like, you know, all of those things that's just so special about comedy because like, we get it. | ||
| We're all doing the same thing. | ||
| And, um... | ||
| You get a chance to do that when you're the person who calls the shots. | ||
| You get a chance to bring everybody with you and say, we're all the same. | ||
| The only difference is one person, more people know them. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| But we're all doing the same thing. | ||
| We're all doing stand-up. | ||
| And that's what I said to this lady the other night at Vulcan. | ||
| I was like, we're all the same. | ||
| The only difference between you and me is I've been doing it 33 years. | ||
| And you've been doing it a year. | ||
| Did you ever think your stand-up would be at the place where it's at when you started in terms of, not in terms of success, but in terms of material? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it was terrible. | ||
| I thought it was always going to be terrible. | ||
| That's how I feel right now. | ||
| I mean, comedy is like, it's a build, right? | ||
| Like you're building a mountain out of layers of paint. | ||
| And every day you're slapping more paint on that mountain and it just keeps stacking and stacking. | ||
| And then one day you're killing. | ||
| Do you feel like there was a turning point? | ||
| Like, do you remember a time where you were like, oh, this is my groove. | ||
| This is my voice. | ||
| This is, like, my material and, like, how I tell jokes. | ||
| Well, it keeps evolving, right? | ||
| It keeps getting, hopefully, better if you keep paying attention to it. | ||
| But I think around 10 years in. | ||
| 10 years in is when I really kind of caught my wave. | ||
| Right around 2000-ish, 99, 2000. That's when I really started to figure out who I was. | ||
| But then also, I got real distracted back then, too, because I was doing Fear Factor. | ||
| So I was working in the 2000s. | ||
| I was working a lot only in L.A. because I was so... | ||
| Worn out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was so cooked because I was doing stand-up and I was doing Fear Factor constantly and then Doug and I did the man show for a couple years in there too and I was just and I was I was not saying no to anything. | ||
| I was saying yes to every fucking show that came along so I was fried. | ||
| But I feel like also that experience Fear Factor and everything from that probably even if you weren't doing stand-up as much like allowed you to figure out yourself in a different way outside of stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And bring it back into that. | ||
| Yeah, you know what it did? | ||
| It gave me fuck you money. | ||
| That's what it did. | ||
| That was one of the best things about Fear Factor is it gave me financial freedom. | ||
| So I was like, okay, let me put that money aside. | ||
| So if I just live like a normal person, I don't ever have to work again. | ||
| So let me just set that aside and then let me just not think like I have to preserve myself and instead think, what do I really think? | ||
| What am I really trying to do? | ||
| Let me figure out how to do comedy that I like. | ||
| And then also realize that as great a job as Fear Factor was, it was great to have that kind of an opportunity. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| But at the end of the day, I realized I don't want to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, it's great to have the money and it's great to have the freedom. | ||
| And that freedom is very valuable because the freedom to not worry about, not make decisions based on money is And to not protect, you know, like worry about what you say. | ||
| I don't want to piss people off and not get a gig or not get a this. | ||
| That was giant. | ||
| And then I really started focusing once that was off. | ||
| Then I really started focusing on stand-up. | ||
| Have they ever tried to do like hit you up for Fear Factor reboots or anything like that? | ||
| We did a Fear Factor reboot for a little bit in 2011. It was a tremendous mistake. | ||
| I shouldn't have done it. | ||
| But it got canceled because we made people drink cum. | ||
| A lot of people do that not on TV. Not that much, though. | ||
| Oh, it was a large quantities. | ||
| Donkey cum. | ||
| It was like about the size of this pitcher. | ||
| And it got out on TMZ. They found out that we had these people drink cum. | ||
| Oh, I think I remember you telling me this. | ||
| Yeah, and it got canceled. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| So I got saved by donkey cum. | ||
| Yeah, thank God for donkeys. | ||
| Because I was like... | ||
| But I was worried they were going to kill people. | ||
| Because the stunts, they ramped up. | ||
| They made them much bigger, much crazier. | ||
| And it was just like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| They were going a little too far. | ||
| And a lot of stunt people, they're wild folks. | ||
| Like the people who test the stunts before they go on there? | ||
| Well, the people that created them and test them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| But you got to realize, like, people that are in the stunt business that do that for a living, they're fucking wild people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're, like, they take risks, you know? | ||
| Like, they're hardy, crazy people. | ||
| And when you tell them, let's ramp this up, they're like, fuck it. | ||
| Sounds good. | ||
| Let's ramp it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then, you know, there was some moments where I was like, I think we're going a little too far here, folks. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, got away with it. | ||
| I wish I could have done it. | ||
| I'm glad you didn't. | ||
| I want to eat worms or something. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just want to see when I'm put in that position what I'm capable of. | ||
| It's kind of like I want to get into a fight, but I'm afraid of fighting. | ||
| I want an altercation at a bar where I can just see in my natural element how good of a fighter I would be. | ||
| I think I'm probably not good. | ||
| Way easier to eat worms than to get in a fight. | ||
| Yeah, I'd rather eat the worms. | ||
| You can just eat worms, you know? | ||
| You got any worms? | ||
| We could film it. | ||
| We could do it for YouTube. | ||
| No, you don't want to, listen. | ||
| Bring some worms in here. | ||
| When we would feed people worms, we'd put them on a very specific diet for a long period of time. | ||
| Like the bugs, they had to eat certain foods, so they weren't eating trash. | ||
| They weren't bugs that had diseases. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They were bugs that had been raised. | ||
| Vegan bugs. | ||
| They give them specific foods to sort of cleanse their system out. | ||
| Keto cockroaches. | ||
| Yeah, that's something along those lines. | ||
| All right, dude, we've got to wrap this bitch up. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I've got to get out of here. | ||
| I've got a meat tour after this. | ||
| When are your shows? | ||
| Tell people. | ||
| You can go to AllieMakovsky.com slash shows. | ||
| I think next I'm going to Washington, D.C. And then I'm going to Chicago. | ||
| So you finished your Texas run? | ||
| Yeah, Texas is over. | ||
| I'm here for a week just hanging out and jumping on other people's shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I'm going to take you to the club and show you what we're doing. | |
| All right. | ||
| Allie Makovsky, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| Thank you, my friend. |
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