April 10, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:43:48
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Hello, Tommy Buns. | ||
| Hello, Joseph. | ||
| Welcome to the new studio. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You are guest number uno. | ||
| This is a great look, man. | ||
| Thanks, buddy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mixed it up. | ||
| It's brighter. | ||
| So like a little bit of the old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A little new. | ||
| Some aliens here. | ||
| A little bit of alien shit. | ||
| This might be annoying. | ||
| My name behind me might be annoying. | ||
| It looks cool, but it might not be the right spot for it. | ||
| We'll figure that out. | ||
| It does look cool. | ||
| It's a little odd though. | ||
| Me and then a big neon thing of my name right behind me. | ||
| I sense you're going to move that. | ||
| It's a little obnoxious. | ||
| I looked at the image on the screen and I was like, oh, that's not what I was hoping. | ||
| It looks dope, right? | ||
| It's a cool sign, but I just don't know if it's the right background. | ||
| But the whole space looks great. | ||
|
unidentified
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Thank you. | |
| I like it. | ||
| The ceiling. | ||
| Have you seen the shooting stars across the ceiling? | ||
| Pretty dope, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| It's very consistent. | ||
| You know when all your moves, it still feels like you're in the same kind of space. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The last one didn't. | ||
| That one I never sat in. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| But when, you know, like your second old LA studio? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you moved it to your newer LA studio, it's like the duplicate room, right? | ||
| Pretty similar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It feels like the same kind of... | ||
| This feels like that, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's it like being in Texas? | ||
| It's great, man. | ||
| I had a great week here. | ||
| We were in San Antonio, Houston, Dallas. | ||
| What did you do in San Antonio? | ||
| I did Spanish shows. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Yeah, I did Spanish shows in each city. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So that's what you're doing right now, a Spanish tour? | ||
| I mean, I'm going back. | ||
| Next week, I'm doing English in Lexington. | ||
| That's wild, man. | ||
| And when you go to Miami, you can do both, right? | ||
| You can mix it up. | ||
| I mean, you could do them in all the cities I was in Texas in. | ||
| For sure, you could. | ||
| Diaz used to do that in Miami, and he was unfollowable. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| I am sure. | ||
| Unfollowable. | ||
| I saw him bury people there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he would do, like, stand-up, and then he would have punchlines in Spanish. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you would see people falling out of their fucking chairs. | ||
| I saw him in Miami do a set last year, the night that he dosed me. | ||
| And... | ||
| And he murdered. | ||
| So I watched the show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I finished my show. | ||
| I got another venue. | ||
| I just drove to see him. | ||
| And then he gave me a fucking pill. | ||
| And then I watched his show. | ||
| But he destroyed. | ||
| Absolutely destroyed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the combination. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like the Spanglish. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A little bit of Spanish. | ||
| A little bit of English. | ||
| With that flavor. | ||
| When I featured there... | ||
| Like, 12 years ago at the old Coconut Grove Club, and I used the Spanish that I had. | ||
| Like, not even planning on it, but once you're in that room, oh my god. | ||
| They go crazy. | ||
| Oh yeah, it was like a weapon. | ||
| Yeah, if you think, what is the percentage of people that are from Spanish-speaking countries that live in Miami? | ||
| 97%. | ||
| You can walk down Ocean Boulevard or Collins Ave. | ||
| I told somebody, you could walk 20 minutes. | ||
| Just go on a 20 minute walk and not hear English. | ||
| And you will hear Spanish, Portuguese, German, Italian. | ||
| Like that, Miami Beach area. | ||
| Man, super, super, like, diverse, multicultural area. | ||
| Yeah, it's fucking wild. | ||
| It's a wild area. | ||
| It almost seems like you need a passport to get there. | ||
| You can walk into places in Miami and be like, excuse me. | ||
| They're like, no, no, no English. | ||
| They'll tell you, we don't speak English here. | ||
| It's common. | ||
| It's not unusual. | ||
| It's not unusual. | ||
| They could get by like that. | ||
| It's like going to Chinatown in New York City. | ||
| It's like a Latin American country. | ||
| And then you have tons of French-speaking people in Miami, too. | ||
| Oh, do you really? | ||
| Well, a bunch of Haitians. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a big community there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh, okay, that makes sense. | ||
| It really is a super diverse city, man. | ||
| Yeah, my friend Mark moved there. | ||
| Mark Sisson, he fucking loves it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He moved because he was like, you know, let me just try it. | ||
| Let me see because I might not enjoy it. | ||
| You know, let me see what it's like. | ||
| Living in a condo on the beach. | ||
| He said it's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's a whole vibe, man. | ||
| Great restaurants all over the place. | ||
| Christina's dad had a condo there when we first got together. | ||
| We would go there and it was on South Beach. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| You felt like you had left the country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You feel like you're in the Bahamas or something. | ||
| Well, Schultz has been there the entire winter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He rode out the whole winter in Miami. | ||
| He's loving it there, right? | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| Yeah, he loves it. | ||
| He might stay there. | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| He looks like he's having a good time. | ||
| Yeah, he looks like he belongs there. | ||
| He's got the hat now and an open shirt and all the pictures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It fits him, dude. | |
| It definitely fits. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Looks good. | ||
| Yeah, and he's already got COVID, so, you know. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Yeah, he's got the antibodies, so he's just roaming around. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| No, I'm coming here. | ||
| I'm moving here, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| What does that feel like? | ||
| You know, I've been, you know this, I've been a huge LA advocate defender for years. | ||
| People talk shit about it, I'm like, fuck you, man. | ||
| Like, you know, I liked it. | ||
| But I do feel like it was, the whole thing was horribly managed. | ||
| For the last year. | ||
| And I don't like it as much anymore. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| So I'm excited. | ||
| I mean, I've been there 19 years. | ||
| That's the longest I've ever lived anywhere. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Same kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so, like, you know, I mean, we looked around, we started talking about it. | ||
| And then you know how it is. | ||
| It's like, I mean, your spouse is like, yes, I want to do it. | ||
| And then she became the harder force in it. | ||
| I was like, I guess we're definitely doing this, you know? | ||
| Because I didn't think I could ever get her to... | ||
| I would throw this around sometimes, like the idea. | ||
| Like, let's move to... | ||
| I love Denver. | ||
| I was like, let's move to Denver. | ||
| You know, because her family comes from communist countries, this idea of socialism is so appalling to her. | ||
| Marxism and socialism, when she hears that kind of... | ||
| Even though it's this minor, just woke version of it, she's like, you fucking idiots. | ||
| You don't know where this is going. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It registers differently with those people. | ||
| Yes, it does. | ||
| Anybody that's been from any communist country, they get furious. | ||
| That's why so many people in Miami were Trump supporters. | ||
| Cubans. | ||
| Big time. | ||
| And they were very smart, that campaign, with targeting them. | ||
| They targeted them. | ||
| Like, if you just want to study the marketing and running a campaign, they targeted Latin American people in a really smart way, the Trump campaign did. | ||
| Because they were like, you know that bullshit that you left? | ||
| It's coming. | ||
| That's what's coming. | ||
| And that worked. | ||
| They got way more votes than they thought. | ||
| Than anyone thought they were going to get. | ||
| Florida's just such a weird aberration. | ||
| Such a strange state. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| But it came up big this year. | ||
| Florida came up big. | ||
| People that would never think about moving to Florida were like, Florida's on the table. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A lot of New Yorkers were like... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Florida's always been a destination for New Yorkers, but it was definitely in another gear this year. | ||
| Do you see what New York's doing now with taxes? | ||
| No. | ||
| They just proposed a new tax on anybody who makes more than a million dollars a year? | ||
| That's a lot of New Yorkers. | ||
| They're jacking up their taxes. | ||
| They're jacking up their taxes to over 14%. | ||
| Dude, California is going to be so fucked. | ||
| So fucked. | ||
| So fucked. | ||
| The thing is, man, I like LA. I like parts of LA. Like aspects of LA. But it is a weird place right now. | ||
| I don't see how anybody could say that it isn't. | ||
| For someone who's lived there like two decades. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| It's dangerous and it's fucking dirty, man. | ||
| There's trash everywhere. | ||
| There's trash everywhere. | ||
| And there's no money to fix it. | ||
| And then also, how are you going to bring all those businesses back? | ||
| Like, all those places that are boarded up, what's it gonna take to bring it back to what it was? | ||
|
unidentified
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That's all you see. | |
| You see so many, like, these strip malls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With, um, that have been, like, I've been driving by some of them, you know, for a year. | ||
| And it's all shut down. | ||
| And there's garbage, and there's garbage on freeways. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| Like, whatever freeway you're connecting to, you know, you're going five, one, ten, like, you just see trash everywhere. | ||
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| Yeah, all those sides of the road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That I don't remember seeing before like that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, they used to use prisoners to clean that shit up. | ||
| You know, that was one of the things that Artie Lang had to do. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, when he was on parole. | ||
| I'm pretty sure he did. | ||
| I know I've seen other celebrities do trash pickup. | ||
| Oh, there's like those cleanup crews? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's got to suck, man. | ||
| That's really got to suck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| On a hot day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| But it gives you time to contemplate what you fucked up on. | ||
| Yeah, what you did. | ||
| What you do wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You know? | ||
| Probably a felony. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wander around, pick up trash. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I haven't seen any hide nor hair of Artie through the whole pandemic. | ||
| No. | ||
| I haven't even heard a peep out of him. | ||
| No, me neither. | ||
| I asked about it once. | ||
| Remember we were on our little text thread and I said, hey, has anybody heard anything from Artie? | ||
| No idea? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| I mean, I heard he's just like hanging out. | ||
| Probably good. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Hopefully, but I would think a guy like that... | ||
| You know, you don't realize how much like doing stand-up is a part of who you are as a person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can be creative like... | ||
| You guys actually probably are the best example of taking you and Schultz. | ||
| Schultz did an amazing job with his Instagram and then turned it into a Netflix special. | ||
| But what you guys have been doing with your live shows is an amazing example of saying, okay, what can we do different? | ||
| How do we just do something that a fucking network would never let us do? | ||
| Not in a million years. | ||
| Not in a million years. | ||
| It's really been incredible, the response from fans who are supporting it. | ||
| It makes me realize how we're living in this shift right now in the entertainment business. | ||
| We've known that creators can take control and create things, but now you realize that that paywall can be controlled by creators. | ||
| That's going to increase. | ||
| That's here to stay. | ||
| You know, like when paywalls first started, you go like, oh, like Netflix, or you try to read an article sometimes, like from one of the big publishers, right? | ||
| You've got to subscribe. | ||
| That is going to be the norm across the board for entertainment, I think, for the next foreseeable future. | ||
| And people are going to be able to do things like we're doing And have way, like, way more control. | ||
| Do things like make features. | ||
| Make television shows. | ||
| Like, what we're doing is, you know, we have this fan base that loves what we do, and we're just taking it on the live shows to another level. | ||
| So, like, we spend money on production. | ||
| We shoot original content. | ||
| We hired, like, this crazy, the best makeup artist that did prosthetics and made Christina look like a real whore. | ||
| And it was great. | ||
| And, um... | ||
| And then we can do these uncensored clips, which you can't do on really any other platform. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And we control it, and it's part of the ticket. | ||
| It's like, we're going to do X, Y, Z, and we're going to try to deliver on all these things. | ||
| And we had musical guests. | ||
| We've had Marcus King Band was on the last one. | ||
| Who's that girl? | ||
| That's Christina. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| So I saw that clip, and I didn't know that that was Christina. | ||
| They put a prosthetic nose on her, lips on her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to see how these big tits fart? | |
| Go ahead and watch YMH Live 4 now at livestream.ymh. | ||
| That's crazy, because now I get it that it's her, but when I first saw it, I was like, who is that? | ||
| You know what somebody said to me this week? | ||
| He's like, hey, who was that hooker with you? | ||
| And I was like, Christina. | ||
| And he was like, oh, when I saw it, I was like, oh, is Tom's wife cool with this? | ||
| Like, that you hang out with this chick. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, yeah, she's real cool with it. | ||
| So all the tattoos on the fake tits and all that stuff is fake. | ||
| It's all rubber prosthetics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks so good. | ||
| We got, like, one of the top, top makeup artists in Hollywood. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's, like, part of, like, what we're doing with those is we go, like, we got to make it. | ||
| You always have to raise the bar and, like, make the value there. | ||
| Now, when you plan these out, like, how long in advance? | ||
| You're doing it basically once a month, right? | ||
| Yeah, sometimes we're doing another one coming up and then we'll take like a month or two down. | ||
| Sometimes I go back and forth between Two Bears with Bert and YMH. You do a live one of those too? | ||
| Yeah, like the New Year's one where we showed my fun accident. | ||
| That was a ticketed event. | ||
| We shot that. | ||
| For the New Year's live show. | ||
| So the whole idea was we're gonna do... | ||
| Bert and I were into competing. | ||
| We always compete on things. | ||
| So that was the whole idea for that thing. | ||
| Just make it a bigger show than normal. | ||
| So we brought in an animal person that put snakes and spiders and shit on. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just make it a more entertaining show. | ||
| And go harder on it. | ||
| And go longer. | ||
| And so when you plan out, you plan out the whole format? | ||
| We plan out, yeah. | ||
| So the latest one that we did was, I think, the tightest show that we've done, where we go, we're going to do a solo segment, we're going to shoot sketches, we're going to have a musical guest, and then we end on what we call the heavy segment, which is shit that, like, the videos I text you and stuff. | ||
| Things like that. | ||
| And then we, you know, we tried to push the envelope on those. | ||
| But then what comes is like, you know, when we first did that heavy segment, it was like all shit, just like people shitting in each other's mouths. | ||
| And then you go like, hey, you can't just keep shitting on people. | ||
| So you start looking for other crazy things. | ||
| And where are you getting these videos? | ||
| Dude, like one of my producers was like, you know, I cried last night prepping this clip. | ||
| Where is he finding them? | ||
| He looks, and the fans become associate producers. | ||
| Our email inbox is pretty epic, man. | ||
| And it's pretty crazy. | ||
| And then I go, I just don't want to see I don't want to play murders and stuff, you know, because there's so many videos for that. | ||
| And then my producer was like, oh, okay, that'll cross out a whole category of videos. | ||
| I was like, yeah. | ||
| That many murders? | ||
| People will send in, you know, just because it's the internet. | ||
| So they'll just send in the wildest shit. | ||
| Like, yeah, some cartel guy getting cut out. | ||
| I was like, no, I don't want that. | ||
| I don't want that on the show. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| So we just try to, like, push it. | ||
| Like, there was a lady masturbating with a butcher knife, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| It feels good. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| So we just showed that clip. | ||
| How bloody was it? | ||
| It wasn't bloody. | ||
| She had built up some calluses. | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She was really good at it. | ||
| There was no blood? | ||
| No. | ||
| She had the knife in? | ||
| Yeah, in. | ||
| In. | ||
| Sharp side up. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oh yeah, you saw it. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| So was it cutting her? | ||
| It should have been. | ||
| So was it dull? | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| Just what it looked like. | ||
| It didn't look like it was. | ||
| It didn't look dull. | ||
| It could have been a fake knife, but it didn't look like it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Yeah, and see, this is the reaction that people want when they're watching it at home. | ||
| Because we also encourage people to record themselves watching that segment. | ||
| And then they send it in and we share those. | ||
| Like the old Two Girls, One Cup. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, like reaction vids. | ||
| Yeah, that was a big one. | ||
| The Two Girls, One Cup was like, that was where all that stuff came from. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then there's one with me and Red Band where we watched the BME Pain Olympics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever seen that one? | ||
| I've heard that, yeah, that was, was that early 2000s? | ||
| Yeah, it's all like dudes cutting their balls off and opening their sack up and pulling their nuts out. | ||
| There was something like that. | ||
| Challenge for you and Bert. | ||
| Cutting the tips of their fingers off. | ||
| This dude had like split the tip of his dick in half and had like a bar in there and like rope wrapped around. | ||
| It was rough, man. | ||
| But this guy operating on his eye himself. | ||
| Yeah, why? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Why did he do that? | ||
| Did he have other options? | ||
| He was speaking in Russian the whole time. | ||
| But he was like, he was so calm and was like, you know, just injecting it. | ||
| Maybe my friend Lex could translate it. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure he could. | ||
| And this dude was with dirty hands and just like putting pliers and shit in his eye. | ||
| It makes me so uncomfortable. | ||
| There's so many of those videos, but I don't like pursue those anymore. | ||
| The only way those stumble across me is like when I talk to you. | ||
| Well, you know, I only sent, like, when we get ready for a show, you ask me, like, we prep for, like, over a month to do one of these. | ||
| And for those crazy clips, I ask them not to show me, like, in detail. | ||
| Like, sometimes they'll show me a few frames or what's kind of happening, because I want to be able to react to it, you know, first time on camera. | ||
| And then afterwards, if something was really crazy, I'll be like, give me that so that I can send it to people. | ||
| And upset them. | ||
| So when you decided to start doing this, what was the initial plan? | ||
| Where did it come from? | ||
| The plan came from the fact that, I mean, honestly, it really happened a total accident. | ||
| It was during the pandemic and touring stopped, which, like you were saying, it affected us all differently. | ||
| I was bummed out by that. | ||
| Forget how much you are used to doing stand-up all the time. | ||
| Going to the gym. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like getting up and getting breakfast. | ||
| It's a required part of your day almost, right? | ||
| So it had been a few months, and the idea came. | ||
| My agent called me. | ||
| He goes, would you do it? | ||
| Because people were doing live or streaming ticketed stand-up shows. | ||
| And I was like, fuck that. | ||
| I'm not doing that. | ||
| I just was completely opposed to it. | ||
| Yeah, I saw people that were good comics that did that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| I was like, nah. | ||
| I mean, you couldn't even, you couldn't talk me into it. | ||
| I was like, there's no way I'm doing that, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Standing in the fucking closet. | ||
| How's everybody doing tonight? | ||
| No, I'm not doing that. | ||
| So, get out of here, man. | ||
| So, I was like, I'm definitely not doing that. | ||
| And he goes, what if you did the podcast? | ||
| And I go, okay. | ||
| And I was thinking about, we've done live podcasts, in other words, at a venue, right? | ||
| And I was like, yeah, but that has the element of the audience. | ||
| What justifies a ticket? | ||
| So this is how the things came about. | ||
| The first thing we thought of is that we do a clip show every week. | ||
| Where we play audio-video clips, and you go, but we have restrictions. | ||
| Like, there's sometimes we play a video that we see in our studio, but we can't show you, like, on YouTube. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right? | ||
| So the whole thing is, like, oh, we could find one of these platforms that will let us do uncensored clips. | ||
| So that was just, like, the first thing. | ||
| And we go, okay, we could do uncensored clips. | ||
| That'd be really fun to be able to actually show them. | ||
| And then the idea came, well, we should do sketches. | ||
| Like, we should do stuff to raise the value of the whole ticket. | ||
| And so it just kind of built like that. | ||
| And so now you guys actually sit down, you have meetings, you produce it. | ||
| I had to hire more producers, digital content guys, a development guy. | ||
| And the goal is that we are gearing towards shooting a feature. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| And basically it'll be Funded by fans. | ||
| And when you have this feature, will you release it on this platform the same way? | ||
| I think the idea would be to release it on the platform first, and then since we'll own it, you know, we could then license it or distribute it through a bigger company to a larger platform. | ||
| Do you have to worry about that? | ||
| Do you have to worry about content? | ||
| Because, you know... | ||
| It couldn't show those kind of crazy videos. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| But for the feature, it wouldn't be like that. | ||
| I mean, the thing that we're writing is, it is pretty crazy, but it's not showing, like, wild internet shit. | ||
| It's all, you know, it's scripted, so we're shooting it ourselves. | ||
| So, like, think of it as, you know, you go to the movie, you see a Tarantino movie, you see wild violence, you can still show it, right? | ||
| It's a movie, but... | ||
| But it would be more along those lines, where it's scripted and it's shot that way, but we're not showing real crazy shit. | ||
| So you'll show some wild shit, but it'll be fake. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| I wrote these two things that we're going to shoot that are pretty fucking insane, and that I already had a casting director go, I can't send this to an actor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| But, I mean, it's fun. | ||
| It's fun that we can... | ||
| Just that the opportunity exists, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When are you going to do that, you think? | ||
| Well, I mean, there's so much going on, but I'd love to get the ball rolling over the summer, you know? | ||
| Dude, that's awesome. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love when people take these weird moments where you don't know what to do and you figure it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you find some new path. | ||
| You find some new thing. | ||
| You adjust and adapt. | ||
| It's the coolest thing that's come over the last... | ||
| I mean, that for us has been the thing. | ||
| I was the biggest fan of seeing... | ||
| I knew this was going to happen. | ||
| And I think I was drawn to it because... | ||
| You want that? | ||
| I'll drink this shit. | ||
| I knew it was going to happen because I go, like, this is what I would do too. | ||
| And that was the... | ||
| All these comics that did their own specials and released them. | ||
| I was like, oh, this is the smartest thing they can do. | ||
| Yeah, especially if you put it on YouTube. | ||
| So many people can see it. | ||
| And you don't have to worry about being censored. | ||
| Yeah, I loved when I started seeing that more. | ||
| You saw Schultz did it, Mark Norman, Giannis, all those guys putting the special out. | ||
| And you see the view counts go crazy, and then they're just releasing their own specials. | ||
| Yeah, it's a real smart way to do it. | ||
| Really smart way to do it. | ||
| And this is just further along. | ||
| Now you're controlling the content, and like I said, you're in control of the paywall, which is something that really didn't exist before. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think you're going to see that explode to the point where in the next few years, people will be choosing, like, because you see everyone jumping into streaming, right? | ||
| It's like Netflix and there was Hulu and Prime and now there's Paramount and Warner. | ||
| I mean, that's just going to keep growing, man. | ||
| So it's going to be like people are going to be choosing where to spend their money on that the same way... | ||
| When we only had cable, and you could choose, like, are you a basic cable person? | ||
| Do you have the next tier? | ||
| Do you have the premium stuff? | ||
| It's going to be the exact same thing, but selective. | ||
| And then you're going to see bundles. | ||
| I'm sure you'll see bundles where some of these companies will pair together. | ||
| Well, if you sign up for this thing, you can get these three bundles together. | ||
| That's how entertainment's going to go, at least for the foreseeable future. | ||
| And then there's going to be independent creators like yourself that just have your own little website, and all of it gets done through you, so you're not splitting it with anybody. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| And I think there's going to be a lot more of us. | ||
| And then you'll see consumers go, well, I'm definitely going to have my Netflix and my Hulu. | ||
| And you go, great. | ||
| But then there's going to be people who go, no, I prefer YMH and this other sports thing, and that's where I spend my money. | ||
| Or people that have all of them. | ||
| But that's going to grow, man. | ||
| Well, I keep hearing this rumor that Apple's going to try to do that with podcasts. | ||
| They're going to try to have some sort of a streaming service. | ||
| I heard that, too. | ||
| I don't know if that's true, though. | ||
| I don't know if it's true, either. | ||
| But here's what would be interesting if they decide, and I think this is also a rumor, that they were going to make it so that downloads only count if you specifically download it, not if you subscribe. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That'll affect some numbers. | ||
| That'll change everything. | ||
| Because there is maybe 20 podcasts that I subscribe to that I never listen to. | ||
| Yeah, same. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So they're getting downloaded into your phone and they count as a download, but I don't listen to them. | ||
| And so in that case, that wouldn't be a download because you didn't... | ||
| Wouldn't be a download. | ||
| So you'd have to actively download it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you'd have to go to it and purposely say, oh, the new, you know, whatever, two bears, one cave. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Click. | ||
| You have to do that. | ||
| That'll definitely affect things. | ||
| People are terrified of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Terrified. | ||
| And they're saying they're going to do that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| That'll change everyone's ad sales, for sure. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| In a huge way. | ||
| A huge way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| At Spotify, we get it by streams, so I know exactly how many people stream things, which is different. | ||
| But it doesn't show anywhere, which is weird too. | ||
| There's no download, right? | ||
| I think you can download it and save it. | ||
| Yeah, because you can listen on a plane. | ||
| It's about how many people are actually listening. | ||
| Yeah, because that number is different, like you said, from subscribing to actually listening. | ||
| It's a big difference. | ||
| It's weird, you know, because you've got to think of how many people have these crazy inflated numbers. | ||
| That might be like a 50% difference. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there was an issue when podcasts first started coming along where someone would download a podcast, Or they'd start listening to it, and they'd shut her off and start listening to it again, and it would count as a second download. | ||
| And they were doing it three, four, five times. | ||
| I remember that big shift that everybody who podcasts know about when you saw numbers go like a fifth of what they were for a month. | ||
| Yeah, they thought they had some crazy, huge, successful show, and then it got adjusted. | ||
| You know how I knew it was bullshit? | ||
| I didn't know for sure. | ||
| Talking to ad agents, like our ad agents. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, I was like, yeah, these numbers are this. | ||
| And they were like, okay. | ||
| I was like, oh, I can just tell by your voice that something's off. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I was like, what's wrong? | ||
| And they were like, just, you know, that just doesn't seem right. | ||
| And then they were telling me, and all these other people are saying these things, and it doesn't seem right either. | ||
| And they said, because we know what that looks like when that's a real number. | ||
| In terms of the impact of the ads and stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They weren't blaming the podcasters. | ||
| They were like, this system is not right. | ||
| We're reading from the computer. | ||
| This is what it says. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, that's not right. | ||
| And then they overcorrected that. | ||
| Big time, for like a month period where everyone was like, I guess my whole audience went away. | ||
| It went completely down, and then it kind of bounced out. | ||
| The most fucked up number is the amount of actual podcasts now. | ||
| That's the most fucked up number. | ||
| It's got to be. | ||
| Because it's more than a million. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's more than a million podcasts. | ||
| So obviously we're dealing with the entire world, but I think it's more than a million just English speaking. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| So which is, in America, you know, one out of every 320 people have a podcast? | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| That's pretty crazy. | ||
| This research podcast, hosting.org, as of April 2021, there are 1.9 million podcasts. | ||
| Oh my god, it went up? | ||
| Doubled. | ||
| It doubled? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Dude, it was like a million four months ago. | ||
| It says there's over 47 million episodes to choose from. | ||
| So when people tell me they're going to start a podcast today, I'm like, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Try it. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I still think, because people ask me sometimes, and I might be wrong about this, but I still think that, well, what is the angle? | ||
| Because if it's just sitting around and shooting the shit, that could work. | ||
| I'm not saying it can't. | ||
| But there's a lot of that. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| So it's like, if you're studying it, you go, well, you know, like... | ||
| My favorite murder. | ||
| Like, that's an angle, right? | ||
| It's like a specific, and that's what I kind of think, like, for somebody who's starting new, I'm like, pick something. | ||
| You know, like, pick a world or something, or like, just some target way of doing it so that it's unique. | ||
| Because if you're just like, well, it's me and my friend, Kevin. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Me and Kevin just chilling, you know. | ||
| The number of podcasts with substantial followings, though, still remains, like, pretty small. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder what that number is. | ||
| It's got to be, I mean, it's got to be pretty small, man. | ||
| Well, there's so many people that only do it occasionally, too. | ||
| Yeah, that's a problem for them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I always tell that to comics. | ||
| I'm like, why not do it all the time? | ||
| And they're like, oh, I'm busy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How busy are you, man? | ||
| How busy are you? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, there's only a few people that do it, like you, or like I do, or you just really just do it all the time. | ||
| You've got to treat it like it's a job. | ||
| It really is a job. | ||
| It is a job. | ||
| I mean, it's a fun job. | ||
| I love doing it. | ||
| Well, this is the thing we were talking about earlier, like, that when I started, I experienced as well, when I got a studio, an actual studio, where people were like, why are you doing this? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And you're like, um... | ||
| Because I have a million downloads an episode? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| It's like if you had a show that had a million views. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to sit in your car and do it? | ||
| Yeah, so when I started doing that, and I was like, because there's a lot of people listening, like, how many? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you would tell people, they're like, wait, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's when, like, when people started finding out the numbers of people that were actually listening to podcasts, that's when it started getting weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People were like, how many downloads do you have? | ||
| A lot of people, they just obviously will see a YouTube view count. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, yeah, that's who's watching, man. | ||
| There's a whole other segment of this audience that just listens. | ||
| Substantial number of people. | ||
| A giant amount of people that just listen in their cars. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I wonder what the next thing is going to be. | ||
| Because if it's not just doing what we're doing, just sitting around shooting the shit, what is it going to be? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| The thing is that I love about what we're doing with the streaming thing and all this is that what you can do now is just whatever you can imagine. | ||
| There are no limitations. | ||
| You really can just make any kind of fucking show you want. | ||
| We all just used to go, do you grant me permission? | ||
| That was what it's like to be an entertainer. | ||
| And you had to talk to these people that were so arrogant. | ||
| And they all knew what was funny and what was good and how to do it. | ||
| And they would tell you how to do it differently. | ||
| And you'd be like, ugh. | ||
| Do you remember the last time, or did you pitch shows? | ||
| Have you gone in on pitches and stuff? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's been a long time, but I have. | ||
| It's a daunting experience. | ||
| They're just so condescending and so weird. | ||
| I did one a couple years ago with a great group of people pitching with me, like writers and producers, where the executive... | ||
| Like, rested his hand on his face for the whole thing. | ||
| And I was like, this is who I'm... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, gave you nothing for the pitch. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| I go, I don't want to end up with this guy. | ||
| I hope we don't end up with this guy. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| Imagine him on the set like this, when you hit your punchlines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| And that guy gives notes. | ||
| That's my favorite, you know? | ||
| We had notes for this last pilot we did where I was like, this is the single worst note. | ||
| What was the note? | ||
| I mean, they killed all the comedy, and they killed the logic. | ||
| You know, like, the logic of a scene. | ||
| Like... | ||
| There was something about a watch, I remember, that they were like, well, who would have, like, a nice watch? | ||
| I'm like, a lot of people. | ||
| Have you not seen watches before? | ||
| Like, they're like, yeah, but that's too nice of a watch, like, for the thing. | ||
| And I was like, why is it? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Like, that was the conversation. | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| So I kept leaving it in drafts, you know? | ||
| And they're like, they would say, aren't you supposed to take that out? | ||
| And I was like, I'm not taking it out. | ||
| People have watches. | ||
| What are we talking about? | ||
| So they wanted you to take a scene out because someone had a watch? | ||
| And they were like, it's too nice of a watch. | ||
| And I was like, no, it's not. | ||
| And they were like, yeah, people won't relate to it. | ||
| I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
| There's a whole fucking nice watch industry. | ||
| A lot of people know that there are nice watch, and they were just like, but it was like, that was their contribution. | ||
| It wasn't even, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that was the contribution from the executive. | ||
| Well, there's a thing about a lot of those sitcoms where they're always trying to bring it down to the everyman level. | ||
| Like, dumb it down or slow it down. | ||
| The kitchen's a little too nice. | ||
| Let's make the kitchen a little smaller. | ||
| A little shittier. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, Let's King of Queens it a little bit. | ||
| And it wasn't like some fucking, you know, $100,000. | ||
| It was just like a nice watch. | ||
| And they were like, nah, no, it's got to be like a $50 watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I was like, no, no, no. | |
| Now I disagree. | ||
| And they're like, hmm. | ||
| And I'm like, this is what you get paid for? | ||
| Right. | ||
| To tell me this? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Those kind of conversations are so frustrating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's only necessary if you need someone to take your thing and then put it on their network. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And when they do that, they're going to fuck it up anyway because there's going to be a bunch of commercials in between it. | ||
| You're only going to have seven minute segments and then you're going to cut to several minutes of commercials and then come back. | ||
| That's why, you know, you have a 30 minute show. | ||
| Only 22 of it is actual show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Eight minutes is just commercials. | ||
| Right. | ||
| For a half hour show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is nuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Yeah, it's a lot of... | ||
| It's a lot of commercials. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's the average... | ||
| And then they have to water down whatever you're doing so that the advertisers are cool with it. | ||
| Bro, the... | ||
| Man, I just... | ||
| Now that we do what we do, it's like the idea of... | ||
| Going back? | ||
| Going there, and especially like that type of thing, like sitcom notes, like real network sitcom notes, I'd be like, I'd jump off this bridge right now, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can't do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| I can't do it either. | ||
| I've been offered things, and I just say that those days are gone. | ||
| I can't do that anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Plus, it's like, you can't do everything. | ||
| You know, you just, you can't. | ||
| You can't do everything. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's got to be a time where you go, I need to just concentrate on what I'm doing. | ||
| I think that's when things thrive the most, when you focus on the few things that you really like. | ||
| I feel like the good thing about podcasts is I can do that and still do stand-up like no problem at all. | ||
| Doing the two of them is no problem at all because podcasts, and in fact, I think it stimulates your brain because you're having interesting conversations with really smart people or funny idiots. | ||
| Yeah, thank you. | ||
| Or both. | ||
| You. | ||
| And you do something. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It stimulates your brain. | ||
| It makes you think about stuff. | ||
| And then it doesn't take away from your time to do stand-up. | ||
| But the sitcom does. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| It's the perfect... | ||
| If you're a comedian and you're living right now and you get to do what we do, like podcasts and stand-up, it is a dream. | ||
| It's the most awesome gig you could have. | ||
| I couldn't imagine a better gig. | ||
| No, it's an awesome gig, but I mean, how many fucking guys didn't have one coming into the pandemic? | ||
| And then all of a sudden the revenue was just... | ||
| That was scary, man. | ||
| That was scary. | ||
| Like, honestly, I mean, I really counted my blessings, you know, that we had the podcast. | ||
| Because, you know, we're touring comics. | ||
| So you go, like, that's my job, man. | ||
| Did you guys start testing guests? | ||
| Did you do that kind of thing? | ||
| No, we stopped having guests for a while. | ||
| And also, people didn't want to come in. | ||
| I didn't pressure anyone to come in. | ||
| Some people wanted to Zoom. | ||
| I think the Zooming thing works for a one-on-one conversation. | ||
| It's better in person, but it can work on Zoom. | ||
| But for, like, your mom's house or something, I was like, yeah, I don't want to have someone Zooming in to be a guest. | ||
| Like, it just doesn't... | ||
| It doesn't work for me, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because then, like, they're there, and we're showing them something, and, like, it just doesn't. | ||
| So it was fun. | ||
| Like, doing it with no... | ||
| We did it with no guests for two years one time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| We didn't want to have guests. | ||
| For two whole years? | ||
| Yeah, because the show was growing, and I had this... | ||
| This thought where I was like, you know, if we can build a fan base that comes not for the guest, isn't guest-reliant, that would be a great thing. | ||
| They're just coming for the show. | ||
| Well, that's Bill Burr. | ||
| Bill Burr's show is almost entirely solo. | ||
| Monday Morning Podcast, yeah. | ||
| And Tim Dillon, same thing. | ||
| Yeah, but those two guys can really fucking talk by themselves. | ||
| Tim Dillon's the greatest at that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's a skill set. | ||
| That is a skill set. | ||
| I tried that once, and I was like, that's not me. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| Well, Tim has Ben, his producer, and so he does all this. | ||
| Bounce things off of him, yeah. | ||
| And he's always crying, laughing. | ||
| Yeah, that helps. | ||
| But Bill can just sit there and rant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it works. | ||
| I mean, it really works. | ||
| It's one of the best podcasts. | ||
| I mean, it's a top ten podcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's great, man. | ||
| But he's free, though. | ||
| He can record it in his underwear in a hotel room somewhere. | ||
| He can just... | ||
| He can just go up there. | ||
| That's when I realized how good he is. | ||
| It's not like what most people see, where most people go like, oh yeah, because I've seen his specials, and he's great. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, I know that. | ||
| But that's not why he's holy shit level great. | ||
| It's because he can do like... | ||
| You know, a five minute monologue. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| You know, he can do... | ||
| I've sat with him on a panel in front of like a crowd and he's just talking and it sounds like bits, but they're not. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| He's like just talking. | ||
| I remember I had Al Madrigal to my left and I was like, what in the fuck? | ||
| Is this material? | ||
| And he goes, no, he just talks in bit. | ||
| Like... | ||
| That muscle is so strong from doing that podcast that way. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| And your point, his podcast translates to the stage. | ||
| Oh yeah, 100%. | ||
| He's better than anybody's. | ||
| Because he has ideas that he fleshes out on the podcast. | ||
| And then what the fuck is this? | ||
| And then the next thing you know, it's on stage and it's polished and he shortens it up and tightens it up and adds to it. | ||
| It's like it's his farm league for his stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Well, that's what Stan Hope said he was doing with his podcast. | ||
| He was using it like an open mic and he was fleshing out ideas on his podcast because Stan Hope lives in the middle of fucking nowhere. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Bisbee, Arizona. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Have you ever visited him out there? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| No. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| Bert has. | ||
| Bert's been out there, yeah. | ||
| Morgan's been out there. | ||
| Anywhere there's a party, Bert's been. | ||
| Yeah, that's his kind of party. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody's always hammered. | |
| I've seen Bill backstage and he's like, is this funny? | ||
| And then he goes out there and you're like, have you been doing that for six months? | ||
| He's like, no, just tonight. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| Well, that ranting muscle is a real thing. | ||
| Just like any other kind of thing where you just regularly do an activity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You wouldn't think about it. | ||
| Podcasting is a muscle too, right? | ||
| So it gets you better at having conversations with people. | ||
| There's a skill. | ||
| There's a back and forth skill. | ||
| And some people aren't that good at it. | ||
| Some people are really good at it. | ||
| And you get better at it when you do it more often. | ||
| But you don't think of just being able to rant as being a skill. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then you can look at your own act as a comic and go like, oh, that was a rant bit. | ||
| If you don't do them a lot, you're like, that's a ranty bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you kind of get away from it. | ||
| But you see that if you exercise that muscle a lot, you can get good at that, at flexing that rant muscle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Bill's probably the best. | ||
| The opposite is true. | ||
| I mean, we're talking about just talking to people. | ||
| One of the weirdest things has been getting in contact with people that haven't gone out and haven't been around people during the entire pandemic. | ||
| There's quite a few of them like that. | ||
| And they become strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had Adam Eget on the podcast before he started venturing out, and he had been locked in his home for months by himself, single, right? | ||
| And he was just pale and weirded out by everything. | ||
| Yeah, his eyes are all fucking bugged out. | ||
| He's just like, I haven't been around anybody. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| It's not healthy, man. | ||
| Oh, it's terrible. | ||
| How many people are like that that are in this country right now that have just like this weird mental health moment? | ||
| Dude, you know, I thought about this when I was like in the hospital and then in recovery. | ||
| And I know it's not as extreme as what I'm going to compare it to. | ||
| But it made me think a lot about the effects of isolation. | ||
| Because I was basically in a room, one of two rooms, for three weeks. | ||
| And my communication with people would be short, you know? | ||
| Someone checks on you, check your vitals and leaves. | ||
| And you're just alone. | ||
| It starts to fuck with your head, man. | ||
| What were you doing for fun in there? | ||
| I mean, not much, man. | ||
| Like, I mean, I'd have my phone, TV, you know, like... | ||
| And the TV is like in the hospital, so what kind of channel is that? | ||
| No, so that was like, yeah, that's bullshit. | ||
| You're like, how many fucking Korean channels are here in LA? So, like, they have like a bank of channels for each language, so you're like, there's like six channels in Farsi, and then six in Korean, you know? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We should probably tell people what happened. | ||
| People who don't know, don't pay attention. | ||
| You and Burt were doing this dunk challenge. | ||
| So we were shooting content for our live show, which was a New Year's Eve live. | ||
| So that was exciting. | ||
| We had done one before where we played tennis and we had just goofy shit and was fucking around and we shot some sketches and stuff. | ||
| So we had this idea. | ||
| We're like, we competed. | ||
| Let's compete. | ||
| Let's do basketball. | ||
| And then we'll do a dunk contest. | ||
| We'll lower the rim and raise it and see who can dunk on the highest rim. | ||
| And that'll be part of the competition, you know? | ||
| Oh, how dare you. | ||
| Just him actually dunking. | ||
| This was the video you just put out where they were doing before that. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's that day. | ||
| Yeah, that's that day. | ||
| How high is that one? | ||
| That one's like eight, right? | ||
| And then... | ||
| What's regulation? | ||
| Ten. | ||
| Can you dunk at 10? | ||
| No. | ||
| I dunked at 9, though. | ||
| That's why I beat Burt. | ||
| So this is like 8.5 right there. | ||
| And then the 9, this is 9 right here. | ||
| So I beat him. | ||
| He couldn't do it. | ||
| And it was over. | ||
| That's over right there. | ||
| And then you did... | ||
| So right there, they're all like, oh, and Burt's like, holy shit, because he couldn't do it. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, it's over. | ||
| And there's Tristan Jass who we went with. | ||
| He's like a really talented kid. | ||
| Basketball. | ||
| I won. | ||
| I won. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| I won. | ||
| And then right after this, one of those guys goes, I think you can go a little higher. | ||
| And I was like, I remember I felt the adrenaline. | ||
| You know when someone's like, you got this. | ||
| And you're like, you feel like your throat kind of tighten up. | ||
| And that was, they raised it three inches. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| From that, 9'3". | ||
| So, you know, just because I didn't have... | ||
| A lot more room. | ||
| I was like, it was clean, but I was like, I can't go that much higher. | ||
| And just on the push off, push off on the left foot, my left patellar tendon snapped. | ||
| Now, did you strain it before that? | ||
| Not that I knew of. | ||
| I mean, eventually when I talked to the doctor about it, he was like, this probably would have happened like doing something else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Why? | ||
| He said it was such a strange place for the tear to take place. | ||
| First he goes, it took a tremendous amount of force to do what you did. | ||
| How did you do this? | ||
| I was like, a fucking dunk contest? | ||
| And he was like, what? | ||
| I was like, dunk contest? | ||
| He was like, a slam dunk contest? | ||
| And I was like, yeah, dude. | ||
| He was like, okay. | ||
| He goes, well, normally these patellar tendons snap in, like, one of two places. | ||
| And, like, you're snapped in a place that it rarely happens in. | ||
| Like, it's not at one of the attachment points. | ||
| It was, like, a quarter of the way down. | ||
| He's like, it's very strange the way it snapped. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| So, didn't you do, like, deadlifts or something the day before that? | ||
| I did squats three days before. | ||
| Were you sore when you went to the dunking thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| I was doing 255 sets of 12. Okay, so not really heavy weight. | ||
| Not crazy weight and, like, I mean, not super light, but, like, you know, being able to... | ||
| I didn't have a problem with it. | ||
| And then, you know, I do remember this. | ||
| Someone reminded me of this afterwards at my office. | ||
| That I do remember they were betting whether I could do nine feet at the office. | ||
| Some people were like, yes, no, and I jumped in my office in jeans and a t-shirt and touched the ceiling there, and I was like, that felt funny. | ||
| Oh, something felt funny in your knee. | ||
| Here's the thing about tendons and ligaments, especially ligaments, when they snap, they don't hurt. | ||
| It didn't hurt at all. | ||
| It didn't hurt at all. | ||
| They just gave out. | ||
| They just gave out. | ||
| I don't know if I would have felt pain if it wasn't for landing on my arm and snapping my humerus in half. | ||
| And that pain was so severe. | ||
| That was so hard to watch. | ||
| It was extraordinary pain. | ||
| And then when Bert takes it, pulls it, why did he do that? | ||
| He was like, you're alright buddy? | ||
| I think everyone was in shock. | ||
| Should he have done that? | ||
| Is that bad? | ||
| To move your arm like that? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| You're not supposed to move it. | ||
| You're supposed to leave it there? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I have radial nerve damage. | ||
| Some people would argue that it could be exacerbated by being moved, but some people would say that it didn't. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Right there, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It hurt so much, man. | ||
| I could only imagine. | ||
| It hurt so much. | ||
| I could only imagine. | ||
| And then, you know that I did something pretty crazy. | ||
| So I went to a hospital immediately, right? | ||
| Paramedics came. | ||
| And as soon as I got to that hospital, I looked around. | ||
| I don't know where I am or anything. | ||
| I was like, I'm not staying here. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I just knew it was a shitty hospital. | ||
| Where were you? | ||
| You don't want to say? | ||
| I don't want to say. | ||
| But I just knew. | ||
| I just knew instinctively. | ||
| I was like, mm-mm. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And my memory's so... | ||
| You know when you have intense experiences, your memory's so sharp from it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I remember every detail of a month. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I remember everyone's name. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So I got that emergency room. | ||
| I remember that Scott was in the bed next to me. | ||
| And then this nurse came in. | ||
| We did x-rays. | ||
| And they put this straight brace on my leg. | ||
| They're like, you know, tendon snapped. | ||
| And then they did a horrible job wrapping this arm in like a makeshift kind of splint brace, you know? | ||
| And then they're just pumping me through. | ||
| They're like, how much pain are you in? | ||
| I'm like, all of it. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Like, all the pain. | ||
| And they're giving me drugs. | ||
| And then they're like, well you need to have surgery. | ||
| So I called my primary physician and I was like, who should operate on me? | ||
| And he's like, dude, the two people I would send you to are out of town right now. | ||
| I was like, alright. | ||
| So the emergency room doctor there is like, I'll set you up with this person that can do surgery tomorrow. | ||
| And I was like, no, I'm not doing it here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And I was like, I'm leaving. | ||
| And they're like, you want to leave here? | ||
| And I was like, yep. | ||
| They're like, your leg and your arm are like completely non-working. | ||
| And I was like, I don't care. | ||
| They're like, are you sure? | ||
| I go, yeah. | ||
| So Lindsey, who works with me, who was there filming, I get in his car. | ||
| I mean, it was hard. | ||
| You got a guy named Lindsey working for you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Hey, he'll hear this. | ||
| Give it to him, man. | ||
| Give it to him. | ||
| Might want to change that name. | ||
| Is he he-him? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| His pronoun, he's very he-him. | ||
| Yeah, so that's his... | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But he doesn't put it in his signature. | ||
| But he's a great guy. | ||
| So Lindsey helps me get in the car. | ||
| Sorry, Lindsey. | ||
| And he drives me home. | ||
| So I just go home with a broken in half arm and a leg that doesn't work. | ||
| Why didn't he take you to a better hospital? | ||
| It didn't occur to any of us. | ||
| I didn't go take me to the hospital. | ||
| Go home. | ||
| So I went home, and Bert and Leanne had helped set up this area in our house because Christina was beside herself, so overwhelmed. | ||
| And they were really, really great. | ||
| And I got on the couch, and I slept on the couch. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And then the next morning, Bert had hired... | ||
| I was like, find me one of the fucking wheelchair drivers that takes people around. | ||
| He found a guy that for $50 picked us up in a 30-year-old van and a 50-year-old wheelchair. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I was like, who the fuck did you find? | ||
| He's like, I don't know. | ||
| So... | ||
| He, you know, I do, I tell him this, that I'm always like, you know, I'll roll solo. | ||
| Like, I'll be like, I'll go by myself to things. | ||
| I grabbed him, I was like, don't you fucking leave me in this family. | ||
| Don't leave me. | ||
| He was like, okay. | ||
| Oh my god, how old was the guy driving the car? | ||
| Dude, he was, he reeked of cigarettes. | ||
| His hair was so long that when he pushed me in the wheelchair, his hair would be on my back and my neck. | ||
| But I was in so much pain that I was just grinding my teeth. | ||
| He takes me to an orthopedic surgeon, to this office. | ||
| And when I wheel into the office, that guy goes, what the fuck are you doing here, man? | ||
| And I go, what? | ||
| He goes, you need to go to the hospital right now. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| He goes, yeah, man. | ||
| You need to go to the hospital right now. | ||
| He goes, I just saw the x-rays from last night. | ||
| He goes, I mean, just go right now immediately to the emergency room. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| He tells me, you know, this is going to be easy to fix. | ||
| The tendon's like the real work, but just go. | ||
| And it'll suck for a bit to wait and everything, but just go. | ||
| So then I go to Cedars in LA and then, you know, you have to wait and we get into like the fast track and Bert, you know, is with me. | ||
| And then eventually I get into a room later that day and then two days later I have surgery. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then I stay there another few days. | ||
| So what do they do with you for those two days? | ||
| It was like, I mean, they were pumping me full of drugs. | ||
| They rewrapped my arm, so they had to take off the old wrap, the shitty wrap. | ||
| And I was like, no, dude. | ||
| And then reset it and rewrap it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| Yeah, that was so much pain. | ||
| And then they operated, and then a couple days later I go to a recovery place, like a rehab recovery place, for two weeks. | ||
| You're just alone all the time. | ||
| It's strange. | ||
| The two days of waiting was just because they needed operating room time? | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| I ended up getting one of the best trauma surgeons. | ||
| I was in the trauma ward. | ||
| This is one of the most sought after trauma surgeons, so I'm so lucky to get him. | ||
| And I tell him, he's like, tell me what happened. | ||
| I tell him, and I tell him I left that hospital. | ||
| He goes, let me tell you something. | ||
| He goes, that is crazy, but that's one of the smartest things you've ever done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He was like, that was really, really smart of you to do. | ||
| Imagine if they butchered you. | ||
| Yeah, he goes, you know, because it was basically like, these two operations are major operations. | ||
| And I have titanium plates in here. | ||
| What does a scar look like? | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| It's pretty gnarly. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Take your jackalow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See the whole thing. | ||
| Dun-dun-dun. | ||
| Now, how long ago was this? | ||
| December 1st. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the surgery was December 4th. | |
| Bro, that is a crazy scar. | ||
| So they went right through your bicep? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I love that one of the guys... | ||
|
unidentified
|
See that again? | |
| Pull that up. | ||
| Pull that up. | ||
| That's wild, dude. | ||
| And I still have, like, radial nerve damage, you know? | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Not damage, excuse me. | ||
| Bruising. | ||
| So it's going to take, like, they said up to 16, 18 months. | ||
| Like, month by month, it gets a little better. | ||
| Like, I couldn't pull my wrist up like this before. | ||
| If I raised my hand, it would just go like that. | ||
| When did this want to become better? | ||
| Like a month ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I can grip things, but I can't use my extenders. | ||
| Like, my hand doesn't open all the way. | ||
| So when you, you have to like do it? | ||
| Yeah, or like I just have to place it. | ||
| But when you place it, can you grab things? | ||
| Yeah, I can grab things. | ||
| Can you do a chin-up? | ||
| No, definitely not. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, because I'm lifting weights like four or five days a week, but it's all light. | ||
| And I just got permission to do, for like months, it was 15 pounds. | ||
| He was like, you can only lift 15 pounds in this arm. | ||
| And then he gave me permission to go up, so I did 20. And if I did rows, I can do like 25, 30. But everything here atrophied, you know? | ||
| Like, the whole rotator cuff area, much, much weaker. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| That's not heavy, but then it feels heavy, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| You know? | ||
| And same thing with, like, your leg. | ||
| Like, I can do seated squats holding weight here, but I can't, like, put, you know, weight on my back. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, you know, you do it, like, little by little, and you see the little changes. | ||
| Yeah, I've been through a gang of surgeries. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've had both of my knees reconstructed. | ||
| Oh, so you... | ||
| Yeah, but, like, when this thing was in a straight brace for six weeks, when that thing came off, I mean, you look at my quad, it was just, like... | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, whoa! | |
| And you put it next to the other one, and you're like, oh my god. | ||
| It's weird how quick it happens. | ||
| Yeah, it happens real fast. | ||
| I did one of my knees. | ||
| I got lucky, and I didn't have any meniscus damage on my right side. | ||
| So when I did that one, and that was one that I didn't even know it was bad. | ||
| I was doing jujitsu, and I was in my friend Will's guard, and I was passing his guard, but my leg was sideways, and he extended what's called a lockdown. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And basically what it's like is like, you know, your leg wants to go like this, like your arm. | ||
| And it went that way instead. | ||
| It's like he straightened it out, but he straightened it out like up. | ||
| So it just popped and it just completely snapped like a carrot. | ||
| And it had this crazy sound to it. | ||
| Just like... | ||
| Just like that. | ||
| I'm like, whoa! | ||
| But it didn't hurt. | ||
| It was weird because it didn't hurt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we were both like, what happened? | ||
| What was that? | ||
| That sounded terrible. | ||
| And then I moved around a little and I felt it. | ||
| And then- Could you tell? | ||
| I couldn't tell. | ||
| I kept rolling. | ||
| I kept doing jujitsu. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then I was home. | ||
| I was like, I thought maybe I just twisted it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But then I was home moving some stuff in my office and it just went bloop. | ||
| It just gave out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, oh, it's not stable. | ||
| It's fucking blown. | ||
| And then I'd already done that with my left knee. | ||
| Yeah, so you knew what was up. | ||
| I had a pretty good feeling. | ||
| Shout out to Dr. Gettleman. | ||
| And he looked at it and he goes, yep. | ||
| How long was your rehab with that? | ||
| That was quick as fuck. | ||
| That was crazy because that one was a cadaver graft. | ||
| And the cadaver graft is minimally invasive. | ||
| There's just two little holes. | ||
| Whereas my left side, they use a patella tendon graft where they take a slice of your patella tendon with a piece of your shin bone and a piece of your patella kneecap. | ||
| And then they open you up like a fish and screw it and And that's your new ACL. And then your body re-proliferates, those tendons, the blood flow and everything starts getting, and it takes a long time. | ||
| It took about a year for this one to feel mostly normal. | ||
| The right knee, rather, I went to a party with just a brace on, like, a couple weeks later. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was nuts. | ||
| Like, I was walking around. | ||
| Yeah, these were... | ||
| I just had a brace on. | ||
| And then I was... | ||
| But the thing was, like, my active rehab, I went into rehabilitation right away because I knew that your knee gets real tight and that you have to make sure that you go through the full range of motion as quickly as possible. | ||
| So I was doing bodyweight squats in a steam shower, like, right away. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Right away. | ||
| Because I knew I could hold myself up with my left leg, mostly, and put some strain on it. | ||
| But what I was basically doing, though, was forcing my knees to bend deep. | ||
| And I go, that's okay? | ||
| I can do that? | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| He goes, if you can take the pain, you can do it. | ||
| He goes, just don't lift weights and don't put strain on it and hold on to something so you're okay. | ||
| So that's what I did once I got... | ||
| And I got... | ||
| Six months later, I was doing jujitsu again. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Which is probably not wise, now that I know what happens. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because it's not totally healed yet. | ||
| No. | ||
| So it's like it takes a long time for those cells. | ||
| Because what I had is a cadaver Achilles tendon. | ||
| They take Achilles tendon out of a dead guy, which is a bigger, fatter ligament. | ||
| And it said it's 150% stronger than your regular ACL. Sure. | ||
| And then they stick it in there, and then your body re-proliferates it with your own tissue. | ||
| So it sort of acts as a scaffolding for your body to eventually re-take it over. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, but this one has had nothing since then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No problems at all. | |
| They told me, they're like, this patellar tendon, they're like, that is a fucked up one. | ||
| It's a big tendon. | ||
| It's a big one and your leg becomes... | ||
| I mean, it's like a peg for the time that it's in the straight... | ||
| You can't bend it at all. | ||
| And then when you get the straight brace off, you bend it like minimally to start, you know? | ||
| Do you think that you blew it out when you did that thing where you were jumping up in your office? | ||
| You know, I might have. | ||
| Because it did feel fucked? | ||
| It did feel funny. | ||
| It did feel weird. | ||
| But, you know, we played... | ||
| We played basketball. | ||
| We played two-on-one before the dunking. | ||
| Full game to 11, you know? | ||
| And we, you know, I was running around and shooting, jumping, like, normal basketball. | ||
| I didn't feel anything weird. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Dude, yeah. | ||
| Just like that. | ||
| It was so strange. | ||
| You know, the whole thing is that the experience becomes, like, so intense. | ||
| And I don't think, like, I can communicate it to people Fully who haven't either experienced it or the only people who like totally get it, like the intensity of the experience and how it affects you are the PTs. | ||
| Because they've seen it. | ||
| They work with, you know, orthopedic injuries every day. | ||
| Like they know that it affects you like physically, mentally, and emotionally. | ||
| Nobody prepares you for that. | ||
| Yeah, so you have a full year and a half really before your left eye is right. | ||
| I mean, they told me that, you know, they're like that leg, they go consider that a year. | ||
| Like a year before it's what you were used to before. | ||
| The arm, it's like, they go, they've seen the nerve stuff, because your nerve regenerates at one millimeter a day. | ||
| So I don't have a damn, I don't have like a cut nerve, but they're like, one millimeter a day is, you know, it's really, really small. | ||
| So they're like, yeah, we've seen people recover in four months from their radial nerve stuff, and then we've seen people take like 18 months. | ||
| So it goes just up in the air. | ||
| Now, did you look into peptides or anything else? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Has any of that stuff helped you? | ||
| I mean, I've taken them. | ||
| And I feel better. | ||
| I feel good. | ||
| You know, I'm eating really clean. | ||
| You look good. | ||
| As soon as I saw you, you look thin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, thanks, man. | |
| Your face looks healthy. | ||
| Yeah, I feel good. | ||
| And, you know, the truth is, I don't know what effect the peptides have. | ||
| I take them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I religiously, like, I follow that schedule. | ||
| But to me, it all feels like part of kind of the ritual of rehab. | ||
| So, like, it's dieting, it's exercise, peptide, like, all that is part of the recovery. | ||
| And are you doing the rehab through a physical therapist? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I got a great one. | ||
| How many days a week are you doing that? | ||
| We were at three days a week, then we went down to two, and then like now, I don't really need, I don't need rehab anymore on my leg. | ||
| I mean, I need to work out and get it stronger, which I do, but I don't need her to rehab it. | ||
| Dr. Karen Joubert, she's awesome. | ||
| But she's been doing some of my, like, shoulder arm stuff, working on this. | ||
| But the leg is pretty much like, just get it stronger now. | ||
| Yeah, you just look normal when you're walking around. | ||
| You don't have a limp at all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is surprising. | ||
| I was like, I wonder if I was going to walk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's only four months. | |
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I just... | ||
| How do they reattach it? | ||
| Dude, they take that tendon and basically drill the hole back into your patella and extend the tendon and drill it back into the patella at the top, where it connects to your patella. | ||
| So it's real tender there for the first couple months. | ||
| Really tender. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| But now it doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| I put on a sleeve when I do cardio or any type of weight stuff. | ||
| It's like a compression thing. | ||
| And cardio, you're talking like bike or something? | ||
| Yeah, I do a lot of elliptical. | ||
| So I do like 45 to 60 minutes on the elliptical. | ||
| It doesn't bother me. | ||
| I have that sleeve on, it feels good. | ||
| The arm, it'll be weird. | ||
| Sometimes I'll grab weights and pull it up and you'll just feel like a weird shooting pain, you know? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And that plate that's in your arm? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That has to stay there forever? | ||
| I mean, they haven't said otherwise. | ||
| Sometimes they back out. | ||
| I heard about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks pretty massive on the x-ray. | ||
| Where the screws start backing out. | ||
| They start poking out of the skin. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But these are fighters, so they're probably getting their arm kicked and shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| They're tackling people with their arm. | ||
| Did you know that with vasectomies... | ||
| They basically just take a tube and move it and put it somewhere, like attach it to another part, that in a certain percentage of cases, the tube on its own goes back to where it was and reattaches it. | ||
| The urologist told me that. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| He goes, I didn't believe it when I was in med school until I saw it in practice. | ||
| The actual tube that we surgically put somewhere else reattaches itself to where it was. | ||
| That's nature, son. | ||
| Yeah, same. | ||
| Nature's like, nah, I'm brother. | ||
| Make babies. | ||
| We're gonna make some people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pretty wild. | ||
| People on this motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I heard asteroids coming. | ||
| Pretty crazy, man. | ||
| Pretty crazy. | ||
| That is crazy that it finds a way. | ||
| Have you ever seen neurons in a lab seek each other out? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing. | ||
| Lex Friedman had it on his Instagram page. | ||
| It's a video. | ||
| It's a time-lapse video of these neurons that are in a Petri dish, and they just start seeking each other out, and then they make connections with each other. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They actually move towards each other. | ||
| They don't have eyes, but they figure it out. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| How dope is this new TV? Whoa. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| It's so nice. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like it a lot. | ||
| But isn't that wild? | ||
| Look at how these things move towards each other. | ||
| And they make these connections. | ||
| They literally connect to each other. | ||
| And looking at that made me think about skills. | ||
| It made me think about someone, say, that plays a piano or something like that. | ||
| You can't learn that quick. | ||
| There's no way you can move the way a talented pianist has these things in their hands. | ||
| I started taking piano lessons. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Uh-huh. | ||
| To help your hand? | ||
| That and I just, I kept walking by my kid doing his piano lesson. | ||
| I was like, I want a piano lesson. | ||
| So you just had to double the person up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| I was like, you do grown-ups too? | ||
| And she was like, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's why it's grown-ups. | ||
| You're sitting with my five-year-old. | ||
| How about me? | ||
| You know the best part is that she was like, what do you want to play? | ||
| I was like, are we going to go through, like, this is C major. | ||
| Like, you know, I figured we'd start like that. | ||
| And she was like, no, just tell me the music you want to play. | ||
| We'll just play the music. | ||
| And I was like, fuck yeah. | ||
| But the funny thing is, like, you're talking about that. | ||
| Watching her play is so... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unbelievable. | |
| Also that I could pull a song up. | ||
| I like this right here. | ||
| And she's like, oh, okay. | ||
| And then just immediately. | ||
| I'm like, fuck. | ||
| Just hearing it once. | ||
| I'm in awe of people that can do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so cool to watch. | ||
| I was like, I can't believe you can just do that. | ||
| Yeah, there's things that, like, that's why I never understand when people say I'm bored. | ||
| I'm so bored. | ||
| Like, there's so many things I wish I could do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I just don't have the time. | ||
| I can't go down, like, a guitar playing rabbit hole. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because I'll lose my fucking marbles. | ||
| I'll be, like, practicing all day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'll sing some cringey song and everybody will get mad at me. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun, man. | ||
| The piano thing is really fun. | ||
| Well, that's the other thing about musicians, too. | ||
| I used to always really admire musicians. | ||
| Like, you remember the movie, not that I don't now, but when I was coming up as a comic, I remember watching that movie Mo' Betta Blues. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Denzel Washington's girlfriends were all trying to fuck him, and he's like, no, no, no, I gotta practice. | ||
| And I'm like, man, I wish I had that kind of... | ||
| Resolve. | ||
| You're right, yeah. | ||
| Discipline. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially as a young man. | ||
| Oh my god, I know. | ||
| Where you're like, I'm listening to my set right now and I need to make notes. | ||
| You're like, no, no. | ||
| I've got time for this. | ||
| Let's fuck. | ||
| Yeah, let's fuck for sure. | ||
| Comics, we're just not, in general, not that disciplined about preparation. | ||
| True. | ||
| And there also is, like, there's, like, almost a need to have a certain level of laziness, fuck-offness. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| To the lifestyle or whatever. | ||
| But Diaz, who's the best. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, he's an impulsive wild man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's also these moments that he creates on stage you're not going to create by fabricating each line individually. | ||
| There's other people that are better joke writers, but there's not a person who's funnier. | ||
| Right, or like a more captivating, engaging storyteller. | ||
| When the moment hits, like when the moment's there, and he captures it, ba-binga! | ||
| You know, it's like he's got that thing, and I don't think you get that thing if you're like... | ||
| He did that set that I told you about, like in Miami, on a thousand milligrams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so much. | |
| I know. | ||
| And I was like, aren't you out of your mind? | ||
| He was like, yeah. | ||
| So you do feel crazy right now. | ||
| He's like, fuck yeah. | ||
| He's like, I'm having panic attacks on stage. | ||
| And I was like, how are you doing this, man? | ||
| It's part of the ride. | ||
| We were on a plane once and he had a panic attack. | ||
| And then when he came out of it, he told me, he goes, Joe Rogan, I was having a panic attack. | ||
| The entire flight I was having a panic attack. | ||
| But fuck it. | ||
| If you're gonna walk on ice, you might as well dance. | ||
| He takes two more and throws them down his throat. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Two more. | ||
| 250 milligram stars of death. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I mean, see, I thought that he didn't get them. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's his tolerance. | ||
| And he was like, no, I had three on the flight. | ||
| Like, you had three panic attacks on the flight? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| And then we got off and he was like, let's smoke this joint. | ||
| I was like, no, man. | ||
| I'm super fucked up right now. | ||
| I remember one time I gave you a breast strip on a flight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| You almost didn't make it. | ||
| Dude, I was crying. | ||
| I was crying. | ||
| That was to Australia. | ||
| So that's a long way to panic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's 15 fucking hours. | |
| I was white-knuckling it in my seat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I gave John Jones two. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I go, don't take both of them at once. | ||
| He goes, it's just... | ||
| He's just not a problem, not a care in the world. | ||
| Not a care. | ||
| He was laughing. | ||
| Whoa, dude. | ||
| Some people are built different. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I've been eating edibles every fucking day for a year. | ||
| Save for two weeks when I was eating oxys and having Dilaudid shot in my neck. | ||
| So you're doing them at night before you go to bed? | ||
| Every night. | ||
| And I got to tell you, after a year, a low dose still gets me going. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I'm literally eating them all the time, and I don't feel a big increase in tolerance. | ||
| Are you doing like 10s and 20s? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe it's because you're doing a low dose, like 10s and 20s. | ||
| But I've gone deeper and fucking geeked the fuck out, man. | ||
| Like, I've been like, ah, I'm gonna drink 50 tonight. | ||
| And I'm like, like, freaking out in bed. | ||
| The most often I was doing edibles was when I was doing Fear Factor. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I would take these pot lollipops, and the whole crew knew, like, when I was taking pot, well, if I have a lollipop in my mouth, they knew I was getting fucked up. | ||
| Because it was the only way I could be interested in what was happening. | ||
| You looked stoned in some of those. | ||
| I was super stoned. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like sometimes like super stoned. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we'd have long days too. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Like sometimes you would do a set, like they would set up a stunt and someone would come in and they would do it, whatever it was, and then they had to reset for the next person and it was several hours. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we would be there for like, you know, 10 hours for three or four people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was a long... | ||
| Long ass day. | ||
| And those were strong? | ||
| The lollipops? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Inconsistent. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| One would be like, oh, this is pretty mild. | ||
| And one, you'd be just like on the verge of entering into the nearby dimension. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the nearby dimension was right there. | ||
| You could touch it. | ||
| You could feel it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember I took one. | ||
| We were filming in San Francisco. | ||
| And I took one and got on the BART. And we were all together. | ||
| We were staying in Oakland and filming in Oakland, staying in San Francisco, I think. | ||
| And the BART goes under the fucking ocean. | ||
| And I don't realize that until I am... | ||
| I'm with the producers, and I'm so high. | ||
| Just, like, uncomfortably high. | ||
| Like, I fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, it's too much. | ||
| Inconsistent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Edibles. | ||
| You don't know what you got. | ||
| And this one was crazy. | ||
| And I had this distinct impression that people that I was talking to, that I was looking at a two-dimensional cutout, like a two-dimensional projection of what I normally saw, but then I could see their soul, like, behind it going like this. | ||
| And then eventually sliding back into their two-dimensional frame. | ||
| I could see part of them that was not always visible. | ||
| Really freaking out. | ||
| I was so high. | ||
| And then we're under the water. | ||
| And I don't know we're under the water. | ||
| So I'm like, why are my ears popping? | ||
| And they're like, because we're under the ocean. | ||
| I'm like, yikes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So here I am with all these two-dimensional creatures with their souls peeking at me from the sides. | ||
| And then my ears are popping because we're under the ocean. | ||
| We're on this train. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shhhhhh. | |
| And I'm like, this is a place where there's earthquakes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You built a tube under the fucking ocean. | ||
| And you can't get those thoughts out of your head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those thoughts are starting to go in your head like we're under the ocean right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| There could be an earthquake any second. | ||
| Speaking of a city that's super fucked, San Francisco, I have friends that have moved out of there. | ||
| Elon told me that 12 of his friends have been assaulted and robbed. | ||
| In San Francisco. | ||
| Tech people just wandering around San Francisco. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 12. That's a lot. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's assaults up in LA and New York. | ||
| You know what I've read, though? | ||
| I don't know if this is true. | ||
| See if you can find this article. | ||
| They said that contrary to popular belief, suicides are actually down. | ||
| Yeah, I did read that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| Because I know they're up in LA. I know they were up at least from an anecdotal standpoint by this one guy who's Swartzen's friend who's a sheriff. | ||
| There was a news piece last night that adolescent suicides are up. | ||
| That's a big issue with a friend of mine who lives in Vegas. | ||
| Their high school reopened in person because so many kids were killing themselves. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Yeah, like much more than normal. | ||
| So I don't know, when I read something about suicides being lower, I'm like, how is that? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| The insider, the rate of U.S. suicides dropped sharply during the pandemic, the largest decline in four years. | ||
| What do we take from that? | ||
| That's really... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I would think the opposite would for sure be true. | ||
| Well, not only that, it's like... | ||
| Maybe there's... | ||
| Can you pull that article back up so I can read some of it? | ||
| Maybe there's a contrary article, too. | ||
| Because the problem is, like, who the fuck's writing this, you know? | ||
| Rates of suicide dropped in 2020, reaching a new low point for the first time since 2015. Early government data... | ||
| Oh, it's the government. | ||
| Shows that 2020 suicides fell almost 6% compared to the year before. | ||
| It's the biggest annual drop. | ||
| It's unclear why suicides were less common in a pandemic year, but explain... | ||
| Experts believe that the early days of COVID-19 brought out a sense of solidarity, the fuck out of here, akin to what we see during a war or a hurricane. | ||
| Yeah, the early days, that shit went away after a few months. | ||
| Have you ever read how many gun suicides there are? | ||
| It's so substantial. | ||
| Yeah, that's what the gun violence number is. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, so when they say, like, gun deaths, they don't always break that down. | ||
| It's like, if the number's like 30-some thousand, there'll be like 12,000 gun suicides. | ||
| Yeah, it's a lot. | ||
| It's a lot, man. | ||
| Because it's the best way to do it. | ||
| Yeah, sure, it's efficient. | ||
| You know, if you want to just go right away. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it's super efficient. | ||
| Yeah, it's like when someone hangs himself, that's when you're like... | ||
| You know, a kid I went to college with, his uncle shot himself with a shotgun and didn't die. | ||
| Blew off the front part of his face? | ||
| Part of his head. | ||
| And has brain damage, but didn't die. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh Jesus Christ. | ||
| And he was like, yeah, he's definitely affected by it, but didn't die. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you hear about that Ohio State player that got shot in the face before the season started and played like two weeks later? | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I just saw two crazy football stories that Travis Rudolph, who was like, man, this FSU player, who he went viral a few years ago, this photo of him having lunch with an autistic kid when he visited a high school. | ||
| He just murdered a couple people and shot like four other people. | ||
| And this other player, I think he played at South Carolina for the 49ers, he killed like five people yesterday. | ||
| I thought that was the same story. | ||
| I think there's two different stories, yeah. | ||
| I think the five people were like his family members too, right? | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, that's fucking, yeah, separate stories. | ||
| But like, they both happen like the same day or a day apart. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Head impacts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is one of the weirdest things that happens to people because it changes who you are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And no one understands why. | ||
| Like some people, like for fighters, for instance, like George St. Pierre was here the other day. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I mean, he's great. | ||
| You talk to him, he's right there. | ||
| He's right there. | ||
| He's speaking a different language too, by the way, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He speaks French. | ||
| Sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But he's talking to you perfect in English about his life. | |
| It's a happy place and a sad place. | ||
| Yeah, you saw that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, maybe he'll have the effects of CTE later in his life, but hopefully they'll have some sort of therapies that'll prevent that. | ||
| But in terms of, like, every day-to-day, the guy's super friendly, real happy, real healthy in terms of, like, he's constantly exercising and training, and he looks great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He looks great, feels great. | ||
| Then there's other people. | ||
| One or two fights and they're fucked. | ||
| I was reading about this one guy who fought in the UFC in the early 2000s and was never really a contender. | ||
| He had a few fights. | ||
| I think maybe he had like four or five fights in the UFC and he's fucked. | ||
| He can't remember things. | ||
| He doesn't know what he's doing in the middle of doing it. | ||
| Sometimes he'll have his keys in his hands. | ||
| He doesn't know where he's going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's super sad. | ||
| And you see the same thing. | ||
| It's very inconsistent with NFL players. | ||
| There can be a guy that played 15 seasons and is fine, and you're like, you're okay. | ||
| Yeah, 10, 11 seasons as a fullback or bashing heads every play, and the guy's like, Fine. | ||
| And then a guy who played three seasons whose car keys, not knowing where he's going, it's not consistent, you know? | ||
| And sometimes it's just one hit. | ||
| One hit'll do it. | ||
| One hit'll do it. | ||
| And then everything's broken from then on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's really, I mean, head trauma is really fucking scary. | ||
| It's one of the things that happens to football players, in particular it seems to happen, but I'm sure it happens to fighters too, is they get really violent. | ||
| Not just violent like a regular, you know, it's a fucking violent sport. | ||
| Neil Brennan had a great bit about that, when a football player would beat somebody's ass outside of football. | ||
| He's like, oh, so he just did football where you're not supposed to do football. | ||
| That's very funny. | ||
| Because you think about the sport of football. | ||
| It's so violent. | ||
| It's more violent than fighting, I think. | ||
| And you see some of these linemen in person. | ||
| Preposterous humans. | ||
| This guy could put me through a steel door. | ||
| Like 100 pounds bigger than Francis Ngannou. | ||
| Think of that. | ||
| Francis Ngannou is 265, built like a superhero. | ||
| There's guys that are 100 pounds larger than him playing in the NFL. Oh yeah. | ||
| And every play is... | ||
| Break the will of the man in front of you. | ||
| Everything you've got. | ||
| And that 350 pound dude squats 650 and benches 500 and they just fucking inject him with fucking, you know, horse cum. | ||
| Horse cum every day and they're like, kill dude, kill that guy. | ||
| And that's how you make a living. | ||
| And they give him like a $58 million contract and the guy's like, Fuck yeah, I'll do this. | ||
| You want that Rolex with the diamonds on it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta run through all these people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| What's that dude? | ||
| He got into fighting. | ||
| He was an NFL player. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| Greg Hardy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a fucking violent football player, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, super violent. | ||
| He's a violent fighter, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got a big fight coming up soon against Tai Tuivasa, who's a badass dude from... | ||
| I think he's New England. | ||
| No, he's not New Zealand. | ||
| I think Ty is either New Zealand. | ||
| He's going to get mad at me. | ||
| Shooey, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he's New Zealand. | ||
| But I want to say Australia for a reason, but I don't think I'm right. | ||
| But anyway. | ||
| Yeah, it says Sydney. | ||
| He is from Australia. | ||
| That's what it says. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Why did I want to say New Zealand then? | ||
| I think of Mark Hunt. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Double check. | ||
| Didn't he train with Mark Hunt? | ||
| He says he was born in Sydney. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He's an indigenous Australian. | ||
| But anyway, he's a beast. | ||
| It's a dangerous fight. | ||
| And Greg Hardy is, like, he's got power, and he's a super athlete. | ||
| Like, he's a big fucking guy. | ||
| Like, you know, he's at the top of the weight class, so he's weighing in about 265. Yeah. | ||
| Real knockout power, and just sort of learning how to fight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's got an elite athlete skill. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Oh, he was dominant for a minute in the NFL. Like, dominant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really fucking people up. | ||
| He fought this guy, Alexander Volkov, who was a champion of Bellator, who's this really tall beast of a fighter, like really good fucking guy. | ||
| He just stopped Aleister over him, and Greg Hardy went the distance. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it was a good fight. | ||
| That's a tough... | ||
| I mean, you know better than anyone, but that transition does not always make sense. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a tough thing to do. | ||
| He fought this one guy, and he got taken down and dominated on the ground. | ||
| Marcin Tibura. | ||
| That's who he fought. | ||
| And he got taken down and smashed on the ground. | ||
| But I just don't think you could have all the skills in that shorter period of time. | ||
| And a guy like him probably had some experience punching mitts or hitting the heavy bag or something like that before he became a fighter. | ||
| And then you can kind of teach... | ||
| A big guy who's a good athlete, straightforward stuff like how to throw punches and how to move your head and keep your hands up when you punch. | ||
| The mechanics of that are so different than grappling. | ||
| Grappling is there's so much going on. | ||
| So much going on in terms of positioning. | ||
| Don't do this. | ||
| Definitely do that. | ||
| And when this happens, you have to have this encyclopedia of information just to figure out how to be safe on the bottom. | ||
| Forget about how to get there and how to... | ||
| Forget about how to submit somebody. | ||
| Especially submitting someone off your back. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| And that's when you see the lifelong training where it becomes, you know, the kid's been wrestling since he was like eight or something. | ||
| You can't jump in at 30 and start having that same type of awareness. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| They'll smash you. | ||
| And that's the thing you see in MMA. These guys are like these elite, top of the food chain wrestlers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the wrestling, yeah. | ||
| That's what takes it to the other... | ||
| I mean, the power of the punching is its own thing. | ||
| You see who prefers a stand-up game, but once it goes to the ground, you're like, oh man, this is a whole other beast. | ||
| Incorporating the two things is what makes it amazing, but... | ||
| Yeah, I feel like a guy like Hardy would probably thrive more in the stand-up aspect of it, right? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Well, also because he's so violent. | ||
| If you're used to fucking people up in football, fucking people up with your hands and your feet is just a new way to fuck people up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You know? | ||
| You're like, I'm good at this. | ||
| Really good at fucking people up, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, football is just... | ||
| It's so aggressive. | ||
| And also, they're running at each other, which is so counterintuitive for a fighter. | ||
| You want to get the fuck away from someone when they're doing something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Man, watching the... | ||
| I think I've said this to you before, but every time I watch a knockout, And then they land the one extra punch. | ||
| I feel that in my soul. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| When the guy's out, and the guy's in the moment of a fight, but he just drops one more hammer on an unconscious person. | ||
| Did you see Francis versus Stipe? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That final hammer. | ||
| I mean, Stipe was out cold, and Francis just comes down from death from above. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Yeah, it's rough. | ||
| In person that must have been... | ||
| It was rough. | ||
| It was crazy, yeah. | ||
| It was one of those things where after the first moments of the first round, you're like, oh, Stipe's in trouble. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he was in trouble because Francis was really calm and he was pacing himself. | ||
| And he had Kamaru Usman, who's the welterweight champion, in his corner saying, Stay calm, calm, calm. | ||
| Patience, patience, patience. | ||
| And so that was their whole key to not just implementing the game plan as far as tactics, because they had that down too. | ||
| His takedown defense was on point. | ||
| His strategy was on point. | ||
| Everything was great, but also they had this idea of keeping him calm. | ||
| Because for him to explode is natural. | ||
| For him to be calm, yeah, that's what he had to concentrate on. | ||
| But when he was doing that, DC said it best, he was like, calm Francis is fucking scary. | ||
| He's like, that's a scary Francis. | ||
| He looks scary. | ||
| Oh god, he's a perfect athlete. | ||
| For MMA, because there's a weight limit, there's a 265 pound weight limit for the heavyweight division, which doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Yeah, I don't understand it. | ||
| I don't get it either. | ||
| There is a super heavyweight division. | ||
| No one's ever fought in it in the UFC. It doesn't exist. | ||
| It's never been sanctioned. | ||
| There's never been a fight. | ||
| He looks like he's made in a lab. | ||
| Well, he is. | ||
| If you looked at the lab of nature, in terms of if you want to be a 265-pound athlete, it's perfect because he's not too bulky. | ||
| He's not like a short, stocky guy, like a 6-foot, 265-pound guy. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's much taller than that and long. | ||
| So he's got all these long, he's really muscular, but he's rangy. | ||
| And he's losing a little bit of weight to get down to 265. So he really weighs like 275. Oh my god. | ||
| He's perfect. | ||
| Yeah, you do not want a problem with that guy. | ||
| And you can't get hit by him. | ||
| You cannot get hit by him. | ||
| Like, Stipe was already fucked after the first round. | ||
| He was rattled, and then he'd get caught with a jab in the second round and dropped. | ||
| And then Stipe tried to fire back at Francis, and then he ran into that left hook. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the lights went out. | ||
| Oh my god, I just saw a highlight that you called of, I think it was Evans, where they punch at the same time, Rashad Evans. | ||
| Chuck Liddell? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And Chuck's is like right here, like about to connect. | ||
| Oh my god, it's such a brutal knockout. | ||
| It's one of the worst ever. | ||
| Yeah, one punch. | ||
| Yeah, one punch. | ||
| Yeah, Rashad timed it perfectly. | ||
| And that was when Chuck was still Chuck. | ||
| Chuck was still this, like, super dangerous knockout puncher. | ||
| But, you know, Rashad just... | ||
| He knew that Chuck had, like, this tendency to keep his chin straight up. | ||
| And also, Chuck... | ||
| For most of his early career was so tough that he would literally invite guys to punch him. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| I mean, he had defense. | ||
| He used good defense. | ||
| But once the firefight started happening, he would rely on his chin because his chin was granite. | ||
| Guys would catch him and he would just fucking boom! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| I remember going to one fight one time where it was Cowboy versus... | ||
| He took the fight late, like he was a fill-in. | ||
| He did a bunch of those. | ||
| Yeah, but whoever he was fighting, who was a fucking animal, was just teeing off on him. | ||
| And I was like, how is this guy still standing? | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm sorry, not Cowboy Cerrone. | ||
| Cowboy Oliveira? | ||
| He was like a country dude. | ||
| He had long hair. | ||
| Roy Nelson? | ||
| Roy Nelson. | ||
| Oh, Big Country. | ||
| Sorry, Big Country. | ||
| He was getting lit. | ||
| They were trading punches, but I was like, how are their brains still operating? | ||
| I mean, they were trading just haymakers. | ||
| Big Country has one of the craziest chins of all time. | ||
| I have a photo memory of that playing in my head where I was like, how's he not knocked out? | ||
| Yeah, Big Country, he could take a shot like no one else. | ||
| Up until a certain amount of time in his career, then eventually everybody starts, your chin just falls apart. | ||
| But he'd been in so many fucking wars. | ||
| And you know, he's a really elite black belt on the ground. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Yeah, you never see it. | ||
| Because he just throws bombs on people. | ||
| He very rarely submits people. | ||
| Very rarely takes them down. | ||
| I would have never guessed that. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| That's where I knew him from. | ||
| I knew Roy from jujitsu. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he was a really well-respected black belt. | ||
| He was a really good ground fighter. | ||
| Just big, country-strong, stocky, but very smart in terms of technique and strategy. | ||
| Knows a lot about Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| But then when he got into MMA, he became a brawler. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he has power. | ||
| Crazy power. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Like, weird power. | ||
| Power's a weird thing. | ||
| It's like some guys just have this thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they can just fucking swing, and then if you get hit, you're fucked. | ||
| You're just totally fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like Derek Lewis. | ||
| He's another one of those guys. | ||
| Oh, my God, yeah. | ||
| Has that kind of crazy power. | ||
| Is that going to be a fight, Francis and him? | ||
| It depends on whether or not the UFC makes this Jon Jones fight happen. | ||
| The smart fight is the Jon Jones fight. | ||
| Oh, everyone was excited about it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the smart fight. | ||
| But the UFC's going to have to pony up that. | ||
| Cheddar! | ||
| That was a nice play. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| I liked his strategy for being like, give me the fucking money. | ||
| But the way he did it. | ||
| Yeah, I think he's got to at least... | ||
| See, if you look at what the potential is, I think the potential is the biggest fight of all time. | ||
| I really do believe that. | ||
| So if they limited his amount that he could earn, not based on the potential of the fight, I don't think that's a good deal for him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he kind of feels like that his whole career. | ||
| He's basically gotten good paydays, but they could have been better. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So let me get the fucking points on this one. | |
| We're also dealing with Jon Jones, who is... | ||
| What is Jon? | ||
| 34? | ||
| How old is Jon now? | ||
| He's still in his prime. | ||
| What's he weighing? | ||
| 250. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He'll turn 34 in July. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So he's 33. He'll probably be 34 by the time the fight happens. | ||
| If everything goes according to plan, this should be... | ||
| Optimistic about Francis Ngannou fight. | ||
| I think it's gonna happen. | ||
| This is on... | ||
| Today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That would be awesome, man. | ||
| That's the fight. | ||
| But Derek Lewis is a big fight, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think they'll do the right thing. | ||
| I think they'll do the right thing. | ||
| I think they'll figure it out. | ||
| I just think it's the biggest fight in the history of the sport. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Because you've got the greatest light heavyweight of all time. | ||
| Arguably the greatest mixed martial artist fighter of all time. | ||
| And Jon Jones saying, you know what? | ||
| I'm tired of this... | ||
| Undefeated streak that I've been on this one division where I've dominated every fucking person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Literally beaten every challenger, you know? | ||
| Had some close fights. | ||
| The Diago Santos fight was a split decision. | ||
| The Dominic Reyes fight was a very close fight. | ||
| Didn't he have a close one with the Swede, too? | ||
| Yep, yep, yep. | ||
| Gustafsson, that was early on, though, and he dominated him in the rematch. | ||
| In the rematch, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That was a fight he literally didn't train for. | ||
| You just gotta think John was just such a partier and so crazy and so wild. | ||
| But also just extremely physically talented. | ||
| Extremely talented. | ||
| And also brave. | ||
| Just a brave guy. | ||
| He's a wild man. | ||
| He'll do wild shit in a fight and pull it off. | ||
| Fought Shogun when he was 22 years old. | ||
| He's fighting for the light heavyweight title. | ||
| Shogun is one of the legends of the sport. | ||
| Opens up the fight with a flying knee to the face. | ||
| Who the fuck does that? | ||
| At first, you're fighting for the title. | ||
| You're going to be cautious. | ||
| You're going to be moving around. | ||
| You're going to be trying to be defensively responsible. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Just boom! | ||
| Jumps in and then finished him. | ||
| Destroyed him in that fight. | ||
| Just beat the shit out of him and eventually stopped him and became the youngest UFC champion of all time. | ||
| And no doubt, unquestionably, the greatest light heavyweight of all time, and arguably the greatest overall mixed martial arts fighter of all time. | ||
| Arguably. | ||
| There's arguments. | ||
| Mighty Mouse is a good argument. | ||
| Anderson Silva, when he was in his prime, was a good argument for the GOAT. But it's like, if you just look at the overall body of work, what John has accomplished... | ||
| He's cleaned out his division. | ||
| He's beaten everyone. | ||
| He's never lost. | ||
| He's got one loss in his career. | ||
| It's by disqualification in a fight that he was absolutely dominating. | ||
| And no one else has that. | ||
| The only other guy that has that is Khabib. | ||
| Khabib, but Khabib ended much fewer title defenses. | ||
| Shorter reign as champion. | ||
| But arguably a more dominant career in retrospect because he never really lost... | ||
| A round. | ||
| I mean, maybe a couple of rounds you could give to other guys, but there weren't, like, rounds where he's getting his ass kicked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| There was never a round where he lost. | ||
| There was rounds where maybe he coasted, or maybe he, you know, fought technically and maybe came up short. | ||
| But he didn't say, like, that round he got his ass kicked. | ||
| Never. | ||
| No. | ||
| Never say that. | ||
| Never. | ||
| And everybody smashed. | ||
| Smashed everybody. | ||
| He finished everybody. | ||
| He just beat the shit out of everybody. | ||
| There's a few guys that made the decision, but you look at what he's done as a champion, he's incredibly dominant. | ||
| He's really done. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck, dude. | ||
| That guy drives a Toyota truck, and he lives in the same house. | ||
| Like in the mountains or whatever? | ||
| Yeah, he lives in Dagestan. | ||
| And he's a superhero there. | ||
| When he won, they had a video footage of the street when he beat Conor. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And people were going nuts, honking their horns. | ||
| There was a bunch of guys shooting guns. | ||
| Yeah, that's a whole other fucking thing, man. | ||
| That's a whole other fucking thing. | ||
| And over there, I mean, he's... | ||
| I mean, he could be the president. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he could be the president of Dagestan if you wanted to. | ||
| He's a fucking... | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| He's a superhero over there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All of Russia loves him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he's the only other guy that's currently active that is in... | ||
| See, the problem with the greatest of all time, it's like, well... | ||
| George St. Pierre said the greatest of all time is Horace Gracie. | ||
| He only points to the fact that, look, if you look at what that guy did when he did it and what impact it had on the sport, I think he's the greatest of all time. | ||
| I said, okay, I see what you're saying. | ||
| Because nobody else even knew what the fuck was going on back then when it came to ground fighting. | ||
| And this guy comes out of nowhere, out of Rio de Janeiro, and submits the fuck out of every living human. | ||
| That whole goat thing, though, it is always subjective. | ||
| And the truth is, no matter how much you cite stats or anything, if two people in their prime never face each other, you really just don't know. | ||
| I mean, you see it in all sports. | ||
| The most probably popular goat argument is Jordan and LeBron, you know? | ||
| And, yeah, everyone's going to have their opinion. | ||
| And also, whoever you saw... | ||
| Probably first in their prime is who you're always going to be drawn towards. | ||
| As a boxing fan, I'm sure you saw Ali fight. | ||
| He's the greatest. | ||
| Everybody who saw him, you always hear it. | ||
| And I don't go, no, you're wrong. | ||
| But I'm like, well, I didn't live through it. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I never saw it. | ||
| Yeah, when it's happening in your era... | ||
| That was the thing about Anderson Silva that I'm talking about. | ||
| Because Anderson, people remember him towards the end of his career when he lost a lot of fights. | ||
| He got knocked out by Chris Weidman. | ||
| He broke his leg in the second Weidman fight. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Over and over and over again. | ||
| You see him lose up until the time he gets knocked out by Uriah Hall and then retires or gets kicked out of the UFC. I don't know what... | ||
| I shouldn't say kicked out. | ||
| I should say released by the UFC. So now he's going to fight Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. in a boxing match. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that boxing thing really has become, you know, I guess people see the paydays, obviously, and there is always a thrill to see people throw punches at each other. | ||
| It's universally understood. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's like a foot race, where you're like, let's see who's faster. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That translates everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to race? | |
| You want to race down the street, see who runs faster? | ||
| Do you want to punch me and see who can last? | ||
| But, like, I don't know, man. | ||
| Seeing that Robinson-Jake Paul thing, it was so clear that Jake had trained and boxed more. | ||
| Like, when you're seeing the two of them, and that Nate was, like, super nervous and just running in, and you go, like, oh, this is a lack of experience with boxing, and he's not a boxer. | ||
| I don't know how many of those types of things people will want to see. | ||
| There will always be some draw to be like, I want to see someone get punched. | ||
| You'd still rather see high level fighting. | ||
| You definitely would, but these guys, they've figured out something really brilliant. | ||
| They talk a shit ton of promo shit. | ||
| He's great at it. | ||
| They're all great at it. | ||
| Talks a lot of shit, gets a lot of people angry, gets a lot of people to hate him, and then does these big-ass pay-per-views. | ||
| That's like borrowing, honestly, from the pro wrestling world, right? | ||
| It is. | ||
| Yeah, that's totally what it is. | ||
| Like, you ain't shit, and I could fucking kill you any time. | ||
| Sign the contract, bitch. | ||
| Come on, pussy. | ||
| And the next thing you know, people are paying shit tons of money to watch him knock out a basketball player that had no business doing that. | ||
| Yeah, and honestly, you know who's always good at being that villain, too, was Floyd. | ||
| Floyd was great at that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Floyd knew what he was doing. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You know, the money team. | ||
| Well, that's part of his thing is getting people mad at him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's people that love it and some people that hate it, but they're all tuning in. | ||
| Well, you know what happened with Floyd, too? | ||
| If you go back and watch the early days of Floyd's career when he was Pretty Boy Floyd, he was a knockout artist. | ||
| He was beating the shit out of people. | ||
| But he was wading himself into the fire. | ||
| And then as he got older and more skillful, then he became Money Mayweather. | ||
| And when he became Money Mayweather, he's winning these fights, quite a few of them by decision. | ||
| But when he's doing that, the way he's getting people hyped up is by talking a lot of shit and getting them to hate him. | ||
| So he's a different guy. | ||
| Which is a brilliant marketing strategy. | ||
| Because he's the most defensively sound boxer of all time. | ||
| Counterpunching defense. | ||
| Yeah, of all time. | ||
| So he wins decisions, right? | ||
| Doesn't put himself in danger. | ||
| You see him today, like, guy's got no problem talking. | ||
| None. | ||
| 50-0. | ||
| Well, 49 in Conor McGregor. | ||
| That's what I always like to say. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Not that Conor McGregor didn't test him, but it's like, come on, man. | ||
| You got a guy with zero professional fights taking on literally the greatest boxer of all time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Kind of crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Kind of crazy. | ||
| But he won, and so he's 50-0, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the guy talks fine. | ||
| Totally fine. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No problems at all. | ||
| And you look at, like, one thing you would never tell anybody to do in boxing is, like, box with your lead hand down by your waist. | ||
| Yeah, and protect yourself with your shoulder. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| You have to be so skilled to do the way he did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't teach people that. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| You would definitely not teach them that as a beginning move. | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he also was boxing as a toddler, you know? | ||
| With his dad and his uncle. | ||
| Yeah, that family was made to box, man. | ||
| Yeah, boxing is not a thing that I would ever encourage anybody to do because if you don't do it right as you're learning, you're gonna get fucked. | ||
| You're gonna get fucked up. | ||
| The training is great. | ||
| Boxing training is great. | ||
| Oh, it's phenomenal. | ||
| It's phenomenal. | ||
| I sparred once. | ||
| It was just enough to let me know that I don't want to do it again, you know? | ||
| I mean, it was actually, I can't say it was a bad experience. | ||
| It was actually enjoyable. | ||
| But, you know, I mean, I got in some shots, I took some, and I was like, you know, I don't need to do this. | ||
| But it was an experience. | ||
| You know who was boxing a lot? | ||
| It was Louis. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Louis CK? Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He told me he loved sparring. | ||
| I could see that. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| I spar a lot. | ||
| He had video of him, of him sparring. | ||
| I think You might be able to find it online. | ||
| Find video of Louis C.K. sparring online. | ||
| I could also see him almost enjoying a bad... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Getting hurt? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Going not well for him. | ||
| The struggle. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Really embracing it. | ||
| Well, he was into running a lot, too. | ||
| Like, he told me he would train for a special, like he was training for a fight. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he would just be putting in miles and just constantly working out. | ||
| Also, the balance out, the overeating and all the fucking standard comedian shit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Standard fucking up your body shit. | ||
| Is there a video footage of him sparring? | ||
| I'm trying to find... | ||
| This is a very old video, so it's not... | ||
| Yeah, we're talking about a long time ago that he was doing this. | ||
| Well, he posted this on his channel. | ||
| It says Louis C.K. Yeah. | ||
| Getting his stupid fat ass kicked. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Who's the guy with the... | ||
| He's got a Spongebob outfit on. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But Louis is wearing the black tee, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, this is LouisCK.net. | ||
| This is really old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I was trying to find something newer. | ||
| Yeah, I think this is like from 2008. This is, I think, from when he was telling me he was sparring. | ||
| So yeah, he's in there like really duking it up. | ||
| And he's in pretty good shape. | ||
| In this video. | ||
| That's hilarious that some guy put on a SpongeBob SquarePants costume on to beat him up. | ||
| I was talking about how, you know, all dudes think that there's the four things that they think they can do that they are probably not even marginally good at. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fighting, fucking, being funny, and driving. | ||
| They're all like macho kind of guy things. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And every guy's like, yeah, I'm good at that. | ||
| And then you have experiences like the sparring. | ||
| And you're like, oh, this is not what I thought it was. | ||
| And so many people are so much. | ||
| Driving is a fun one to experience that I didn't know how skilled drivers are until I did a private track experience. | ||
| And I was like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing. | ||
| I don't have a fucking clue how to drive. | ||
| And then having these great pro instructors, you're like, oh, these guys really know how to push this machine. | ||
| It's a skill set. | ||
| If you've driven on public roads your whole life, you're like, I'm a good driver. | ||
| I'm a fucking good driver. | ||
| Yeah, that's the difference between a person. | ||
| If you see someone like a... | ||
| Do you ever follow Chris Harris? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's my favorite autoadrenalist. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| And Matt Farah's great, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Those guys can fucking drive. | ||
| They can drive. | ||
| They can drive. | ||
| They can really drive. | ||
| They go around corners sideways, and they're controlling the slide. | ||
| They've been doing, yeah, drifting, yeah. | ||
| I've been in a car with Matt where he's like, I've got to turn all this traction and fucking stability off. | ||
| All this bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, I'll go flying off this fucking cliff, man. | ||
| Yeah, but it's skilled. | ||
| The driving thing, you can get better at it. | ||
| There's an intuitive part of it, and there's your natural skills, but once you have a pro driver show you what's up, it's like, oh my god. | ||
| Same thing, people are like, my friend's funny, and you're like, just hold on a second. | ||
| And then the fighting, and then the fucking thing, who knows? | ||
| When you ever hear somebody brag that they're good at sex, I'm like, okay, cool, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird brag. | ||
| It's a weird brag. | ||
| There's other things, right? | ||
| Like playing basketball. | ||
| A lot of guys pretend they're good at basketball, and it turns out they're not. | ||
| Are you taking a shot at me? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| Dunking, yeah? | ||
| That's one that people say they can do. | ||
| But isn't that one, like, that basketball is a macho thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| The funniest thing is that guys with, like, decent skills will think they're other level. | ||
| I mean, you see it in every sport. | ||
| I'm sure you see it in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| But with basketball, people will think they're pretty nice on their local public park that you can play in the NBA. You have no idea how unbelievable NBA players are. | ||
| These are the best 400 basketball players in the world. | ||
| On Earth. | ||
| On Earth! | ||
| These guys are other level. | ||
| What's that clip of... | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| Scalabrini? | ||
| This high school tried to call this guy out. | ||
| This is fucking... | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He's a really big white guy, three-point shooter. | ||
| People would make fun of him because he's a typical player. | ||
| But just press pause one second. | ||
| He was NBA and kind of joked about, right? | ||
| Because he's a big white dude. | ||
| And this high school kid, who was a big high school kid, tells him that he can beat him. | ||
| A fucking former NBA player. | ||
| Let's see this. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| And they're going to play for their shoots. | ||
| Dribble around till I get my ass kicked. | ||
| But he just mans him up. | ||
| I think he ends up beating him 11-0. | ||
| Yeah, 11-0. | ||
| And this kid thought that like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the size of him though in comparison. | |
| He's so much bigger than this kid. | ||
| Like the kid can't stop him. | ||
| And he's totally fouling him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, he's starting to get hot. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| 11-0. | ||
| I mean, that's reality. | ||
| Do you remember that time that Jordan did that when he was retired to an active player? | ||
| That was the best. | ||
| It was an active NBA player. | ||
| That video's out. | ||
| You can watch that. | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Jamie would know. | ||
| You called him out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's happened a lot. | ||
| No, but there's a famous one. | ||
| It was like the year after he retired. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was a guy on the Bulls who was like, he was like, you know, Mike, whatever, I could take him or I could be a one-on-one. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| I could be the one-on-one. | ||
| He was a rookie. | ||
| And Mike showed up like, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| Corey Benjamin. | ||
| Corey Benjamin. | ||
| The best one that I heard recently. | ||
| Have you heard the Kevin Garnett, JR Ryder one? | ||
| That is phenomenal. | ||
| Where Kevin Garnett was a rookie, and JR Ryder is guarding Jordan, and I think they're playing in... | ||
| Yeah, it's in Chicago, and Garnett and Ryder are having a good game, and it's like third quarter, and Garnett says he just starts to feel himself. | ||
| He's like, yeah, man, he can't guard you. | ||
| He can't guard you. | ||
| Like, you know, he ain't shit. | ||
| Like, nah, he ain't shit, but like, you know, we're taking it to Mike. | ||
| And J.R. Ryder was like, man, I told him, like, we don't do that shit, man. | ||
| We do not fuck with Mike. | ||
| Like, don't do this. | ||
| And then he said that in the fourth quarter, he was like, I gotta guard him. | ||
| Like, stop saying shit, man. | ||
| Like, stop it. | ||
| You're creating a problem for me. | ||
| I'm guarding him. | ||
| And then Jordan went into the fourth quarter with like, he had 18 points, and he finished with 40. Like, in the fourth quarter, he just was like, fuck you. | ||
| And then he goes, yeah, he didn't know any better, man. | ||
| He's a rookie. | ||
| He didn't know that we don't talk to Mike like that. | ||
| That's a bad idea. | ||
| Yeah, it's a bad problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't do it. | |
| Well, he was such a rabid competitor. | ||
| Nobody like it, ever. | ||
| That's the thing, the stories are all pretty similar. | ||
| There's one moment where things were cool, and then he turned into a psychopath on the basketball court. | ||
| His whole game became, I'm going to break you. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| And humiliate you. | ||
| And he liked it. | ||
| He liked doing that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| But that's how you get to be a Michael Jordan. | ||
| You don't get to be a Michael Jordan by being a so-so competitor. | ||
| Just a really good athlete. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's that moment at the end of that documentary where he's like, he breaks down crying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where he's like, if you don't want to be like that, get the fuck out of here, basically. | ||
| He's like, how many rings do you fucking have, you know? | ||
| That's how you become a Michael Jordan. | ||
| That's not a normal person. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| You have to be extreme in every way. | ||
| He's very extreme. | ||
| The same with everything, man. | ||
| There was that Phil Jackson quote where people always ask him about Jordan and Kobe, you know, because he coached both. | ||
| And what was the difference? | ||
| And he goes, Kobe had to beat you at basketball and Jordan had to beat you at everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everything. | |
| Just super competitive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even in that last dance thing, which was phenomenal, when he went to the front of the plane, on the team plane, and one of the guys that doesn't play much, he was playing for money, and he was like, what are you doing? | ||
| Why are you taking my money? | ||
| He's like, because you'll know that I have your money in my pocket. | ||
| That was his thrill. | ||
| It's deep shit. | ||
| It's psychological. | ||
| Super psychological. | ||
| He used to run a celebrity pool tournament in Chicago. | ||
| He had a thing that he would do every year. | ||
| And apparently he was pretty good at pool. | ||
| but he would play pool in like this super slick tailored suit and they had this pool thing going on there where he'd have these. | ||
| I was, unfortunately at the time, I wasn't really a celebrity. | ||
| I could never get in on that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But I would have loved to have gotten in on that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I just love, I love the shit talking because I think it's part of comedy, right? | ||
| You just love a good shit talker. | ||
| So every time I hear a good story about him talking shit because they said it's just phenomenal. | ||
| Ruthless. | ||
| Ruthless. | ||
| Yeah, it had to be. | ||
| That Muggsy Bogues he guard, when they, shoot the ball, you fucking midget, the Muggsy Bogues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, I was like, God damn, man. | |
| By any means necessary, though. | ||
| I mean, that's who he was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to be like, to achieve that level, to be like those multiple championships in the sports, you're not a normal guy. | ||
| I forget who was talking about it, but they played in that pool tournament with him, and they said that they beat him, and he wouldn't talk to them for weeks. | ||
| He just wouldn't talk to you, just angry at you, just couldn't wait to play you again. | ||
| Even a game like this isn't even his thing. | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| That's one of them. | ||
| See, he's dressed normal in that one, or dressed more casual. | ||
| But there was another one that I saw. | ||
| That was back before they figured out stretch jeans. | ||
| Well, he always wears the weirdest clothes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does he? | |
| He is the richest man with the weirdest wardrobe. | ||
| Really? | ||
| How does he dress? | ||
| Have you ever seen What the Fuck is Mike Wearing? | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| WTF, Mike Waring? | ||
| It's just pictures of his outfits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, because it's ridiculous. | ||
| Because everyone's like, wait, don't you have money? | ||
| I think that's the same day right here, that outfit. | ||
| Well, that one, okay. | ||
| Those jeans are preposterous. | ||
| They're almost bell-bottoms. | ||
| Those are crazy. | ||
| Look how oversized that coat is. | ||
| That is odd. | ||
| This one, these aren't even the worst ones. | ||
| The other ones are normal. | ||
| No, there's other ones that are real crazy. | ||
| So they're just running out of content there. | ||
| Okay, that one's weird. | ||
| What are the sneakers around his neck? | ||
| Those sneakers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a chain, yeah. | |
| That's a chain? | ||
| Jordan 1. Come on. | ||
| Maybe? | ||
| That's not even that bad. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That might be on the shirt. | ||
| It might be on the shirt. | ||
| There's... | ||
| Like, go back up. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Look at those pants. | ||
| Those are crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those are ridiculous. | |
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, that suit's odd. | ||
| That jacket and those pants. | ||
| That's odd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's wild. | |
| That's a wild look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But isn't he worth, like, a billion dollars? | ||
| Yeah, or more. | ||
| More. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His... | ||
| Air Jordan Royalties. | ||
| This is a guy... | ||
| The shoe industry for basketball players is enormous, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's everything, right? | ||
| It's so big, man. | ||
| It's so much money in sneakers. | ||
| They'll break down whose shoes are the best. | ||
| Usually you're talking about active players. | ||
| He hasn't played in 20 years. | ||
| He's number one by a mile. | ||
| Huge drop-off to... | ||
| LeBron, Kobe, Steph, and all those guys. | ||
| His royalties per year, for a guy who's not playing for Air Jordan stuff, it's like $60 to $100 million a year just on... | ||
| $100 million. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just in sneaker sales. | ||
| Just like, here you go. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| When you're a guy like that, who's not even playing the game anymore, and you're making $100 million a year, like, what are you spending on? | ||
| I mean, he bought a fucking NBA team, and then he, like, builds golf courses, like, for fun. | ||
| Like, he just, you know, he has resorts and shit now. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, what else? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What else do you do? | ||
| Wouldn't you get bored after a while doing shit like that? | ||
| Well, you see that, like, everybody usually, like, at that level does, like, kind of the same. | ||
| Like, crazy house, plane, yacht. | ||
| And then, yeah, you're like, what else? | ||
| Then they start doing other businesses. | ||
| You know, I'm going to own an NBA team. | ||
| I'm going to own a minor league hockey team. | ||
| You know, they just start, yeah. | ||
| I guess the thing to do, it seems like, is at least invest in things that are of interest to you, which seems like what he did, you know? | ||
| Because he loves playing golf. | ||
| He loves basketball. | ||
| Well, he loves gambling at golf. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| He does, and I heard that what he'll do is, like, if we were all on the golf course together, he'll bet with each of us differently based on what he knows what kind of money we have. | ||
| So, like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, he'd be like, I'll bet you $100 a hole, you $1,000, and you $10,000 a hole. | ||
| So everybody has different bets going with him of different amounts. | ||
| And apparently he is quick to collect. | ||
| Like when the round is over, he's like, you owe me $70,000. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Are you going to go get it? | ||
| Or when are we doing this? | ||
| But didn't he have an issue where he didn't pay his gambling debt? | ||
| There's a guy who did an article for GQ or something like that. | ||
| There's articles and there's books written about it. | ||
| There was always that theory that when he was playing baseball that it was an under-the-table suspension by the NBA for his gambling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That was a big theory. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That was the main thing. | ||
| People were like, how does the fucking greatest... | ||
| Basketball player ever just be like, I'm gonna go play baseball. | ||
| It doesn't add up, you know? | ||
| Because there was the truth, like, there was the story, of course, that his dad had been murdered and how it affected him, and they had their bond over baseball, but a lot of people said that it was him serving a kind of quiet suspension, you know? | ||
| How long did he play baseball for? | ||
| One season, right? | ||
| He was gone for a year and a half. | ||
| Right, but it was one baseball season, I think, yeah. | ||
| Just that alone is wild. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And he made Space Jam in the middle of it. | ||
| Did he make it during that? | ||
| Yeah, it was part of the movie was him being on the baseball team. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| I mean, ridiculous. | ||
| I mean, in that doc they show you, that coach was like, man, for a guy who had been playing basketball, he was pretty fucking good at baseball, man. | ||
| The first time, first season playing minor league baseball, he was not bad. | ||
| And he probably would have eventually gotten to a real... | ||
| I mean, incredible speed, obviously, athleticism. | ||
| And also just the drive. | ||
| It's all mental. | ||
| It's like the drive to be a champion. | ||
| But it's not all mental, right? | ||
| Because he couldn't go right straight into the Major League Baseball. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| You still needed to work out the skill sets of playing Major League Baseball. | ||
| He played a little bit when he was younger, right? | ||
| He loved baseball. | ||
| I know he played as like a kid and in high school and everything. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| He was obsessed with baseball and golf outside of basketball. | ||
| Baseball's a weird sport, right? | ||
| Because other than Japan and a couple other countries, it's really not universally adopted. | ||
| The place that loves baseball is Latin America. | ||
| Mostly like the Caribbean places. | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I mean, part of it is you start, you go like, you know, the stick and the ball thing, like poor. | ||
| Yeah, simple. | ||
| Soccer. | ||
| Yeah, like kick the ball, hit the ball. | ||
| And also I think some of these places where people, you know, these communities really know each other. | ||
| Like I did this, these Spanish shows, brought a Puerto Rican comic, and like a whole bunch of Puerto Ricans flew in to watch her do a set, you know? | ||
| Like they, like so supportive. | ||
| Of one of their own. | ||
| And I think when people in the Caribbean saw Dominican or Cuban players really making it to the big time, it just made it so much bigger in those communities. | ||
| Because you see them really succeeding at a huge level. | ||
| And it's inspiring to the whole island, man. | ||
| Yeah, and there's so many different places, like Dominican Republic, Cuba. | ||
| Yeah, Puerto Rico. | ||
| Puerto Rico, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they love baseball, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they love it. | ||
| It's interesting, it's like that feeds into the American scene, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do they have their own major league teams down there? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I know that the Dominicans, baseball is huge in the Dominican Republic, but they're all playing to get to the majors. | ||
| But as far as other countries in Europe, it never caught on. | ||
| They don't give a fuck about baseball. | ||
| But Japan, it did. | ||
| Japan loves baseball. | ||
| I wonder what made that happen. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe it's having a few big stars or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe it's a post-war occupation thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could be. | |
| When did baseball become popular in Japan? | ||
| Because in the Philippines, the United States had military bases in the Philippines, and then they brought pool to the Philippines, and the Filipino players became literally the best pool players on Earth. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, at this point in the game, there's quite a few European players that are really good, and quite a few American players that are really good. | ||
| But if you ask people pretty universally, you know, you say Michael Jordan is thought of as the greatest... | ||
| Basketball player of all time. | ||
| Efren Reyes, who's a Filipino, is pretty widely recognized as the greatest pool player of all time. | ||
| Pretty widely recognized. | ||
| Basically, it's a similar thing to a Jordan-type argument. | ||
| Have you watched, man, that Netflix docuseries F1, Drive to Survive? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's one of the best docuseries I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's three seasons where they follow a season of Formula One. | ||
| And I go into this being like a car enthusiast. | ||
| But I never followed professional racing of any of them, you know? | ||
| But it's brilliant the way they do it. | ||
| It's cut and shot in a way that you emotionally invest in people and storylines. | ||
| You'll see a driver who is on the outs with his team. | ||
| It's documentary style, but they do it so well that you get emotionally hooked to the story. | ||
| And at the same time that you're emotionally hooked to like, oh, is this guy going to make the cut? | ||
| Are they going to cut him? | ||
| Another guy switches teams. | ||
| He leaves this team and goes to the other team. | ||
| And you feel so invested. | ||
| At the end of the first episode, you're like, I guess I'm a big fucking Formula One fan. | ||
| And then they cut to the races. | ||
| Which, like, the way they cut it, you know, a normal race is like 90 minutes, but in the episode, it might be cut down to, like, three minutes, but it's the most dramatic parts of the race. | ||
| And, I mean, you'll just rip through a season. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's so well done. | ||
| It's the best version of that type of show that I've ever seen. | ||
| And what's the name of it again? | ||
| It's called Formula One Drive to Survive, or F1 Drive to Survive, and it's on Netflix. | ||
| And it's really tremendous. | ||
| And you can... | ||
| It has that feel where you're like, this feels like... | ||
| This was almost designed to get people into the sport, but not in a blatant way. | ||
| You feel like you're watching something that is just taking place, but at the end of it, you're like, I want to see a race now. | ||
| Well, they do a Formula One race here. | ||
| They sure do. | ||
| Yeah, the Austin Grand Prix. | ||
| When is that? | ||
| July, I think. | ||
| Bro, we're going. | ||
| I'd love to go. | ||
| We're going. | ||
| It's a couple months from now. | ||
| We're going. | ||
| Jamie, you in? | ||
| Fuck yes, dude. | ||
| Can we get a booth or some shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| I think that could be arranged. | ||
| How do we do that? | ||
| Let's make some calls. | ||
| Can we just... | ||
| I think someone's... | ||
| I got emails, I think, already. | ||
| And now you've said it. | ||
| That just seems like an amazing thing to do. | ||
| But going back to the skill of driving, Jesus Christ, man. | ||
| These are the most insane drivers on earth. | ||
| They're going so fast, too. | ||
| Dude, in the straights hitting 215, 225? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Have you ever seen the difference between a GT3 car completing the same circuit and in a Formula 1 car? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's pretty wild. | ||
| See if you can find that video. | ||
| It's on YouTube and it essentially shows the exact same path being taken by a GT3 car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the Formula 1 car just... | ||
| Oh, it's... | ||
| So fast! | ||
| There's a... | ||
| You know the Top Gear show? | ||
| Hey, watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See the difference? | |
| On the left is the GT3 car. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Fucking so fast! | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And the sound is so amazing. | ||
| Listen to that sound. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's like it's a sophisticated sound. | ||
| There's a sound that comes from like a rumbling V8, which I'm a meathead, right? | ||
| I love those cars. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I love that sound. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then there's a sound that comes from like a Porsche when it's at like 8,000 RPMs. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's a better sound. | ||
| It's singing. | ||
| Oh, is it in October? | ||
| Yeah, October. | ||
| Oh, it's October. | ||
| There's a NASCAR one here, too. | ||
| Naturally aspirated Ferrari sound. | ||
| Might be the best fucking sound you can hear. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Those naturally aspirated cars, like, up to, like, 458. That 458? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| See if you can find a video of exhaust note of Ferrari 458. Oh, it sings, man. | ||
| It sings. | ||
| Those Italians, man. | ||
| I don't trust their work. | ||
| I trust their suits. | ||
| Yeah, they're probably staring at someone's ass. | ||
| Do you want a particular exhaust? | ||
| Just an exhaust note. | ||
| Just an IP exhaust, Novatec. | ||
| There's multiple. | ||
| Oh, those are aftermarket exhausts. | ||
| Just exhaust. | ||
| One in a tunnel. | ||
| Okay, give me that. | ||
| One in a tunnel is always good. | ||
| Loudest ever. | ||
| How about that one? | ||
| Tunnels are always good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Echoes things. | ||
| There's that great tunnel in Angelus Crest. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here we go. | |
| That sound. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There we go. | |
| God, what a sound. | ||
| Fuck, that's a car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So beautiful, too. | ||
| Those are fucking badass. | ||
| Such a classic. | ||
| But, you know, I understand that they wanted to move to turbos to make them faster and shit like that, but... | ||
| That's a sexy sound, man. | ||
| You take away a little bit of that. | ||
| And apparently those are, like, on high demand now, even more so than 488s, because people want that sound. | ||
| They like the sound, yeah. | ||
| And the feel, the instantaneous feel of the naturally aspirated engine. | ||
| I want to see what that SF90 Stradale is like. | ||
| Preposterous. | ||
| Yeah, preposterous. | ||
| They make some preposterous cars. | ||
| They sure do, man. | ||
| You know, I know you have a lot of nice cars, Tommy, and you like the nice cars, but you think, there's another step. | ||
| There's a step that you have to take. | ||
| There's like an extra douche step. | ||
| Oh, that's a big step, man. | ||
| I'm not taking that step. | ||
| That step's a weird step. | ||
| That's a weird step. | ||
| I'm not doing that step. | ||
| Driving around in a Ferrari? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not doing that step. | ||
| You got your dick out on a tie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, you do. | |
| Hanging it there. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, fuck, I have a red Ferrari, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, Greg Fitzsimmons had a great bit I saw him do about guys in a Ferrari. | ||
| He says something like, I'm paraphrasing, but he's like, I'm at a stoplight. | ||
| I'm looking around, you know? | ||
| He's like, guys in a Ferrari, they look straight fucking ahead. | ||
| Like, they don't look around. | ||
| They're just straying forward. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is the SF90 finale. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's a half million dollars, right? | ||
| More than that. | ||
| More, yeah. | ||
| How much? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Starts at 625. And it's a thousand horsepower? | |
| Something like that? | ||
| And by the way, you can't negotiate. | ||
| Oh my god, that's amazing. | ||
| Is that a 2021? | ||
| Yes, it's a new one. | ||
| Can I get some volume on this? | ||
| God damn, that's pretty. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| This is their highest performance production model ever. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Just look at it. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It looks like it's from another planet, doesn't it? | ||
| It does. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That is a move if you go, oh, I drive this around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's like if you were a single guy, you're sending a very clear signal. | ||
| What's the signal? | ||
| Signal is this isn't going to last. | ||
| I like to fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I make a lot of money. | ||
| A lot of money. | ||
| And I got one of these. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what do you want to do? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Okay, goodbye. | ||
| There is that thing, I think, with loving cars where there's cars where you go, oh, I could pull up to a fucking store, a convenience store, in a certain car. | ||
| And then if I pulled up in that, I would feel ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, and vulnerable. | ||
| Everybody's going to be mad at you. | ||
| What are you doing, bitch? | ||
| Buying a Slim Jim? | ||
| I feel like the Porsche thing, I just don't feel like those are as ridiculous. | ||
| They're not as ridiculous. | ||
| They're kind of. | ||
| They're kind of ridiculous, but there's another step above Porsche. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| There's no daily driver Ferrari. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, they tell you. | ||
| I mean, the new Roma is like their, you know, like their... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That feels like their daily driver. | ||
| That's the front engine V12. No, that's the... | ||
| Which one's that? | ||
| That's the A12. Yeah, no, that's after the 488. You're deep in this. | ||
| Yeah, the 812 is the front engine with the V12. This is their... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| You know, this could be a daily driver. | ||
| Oh, so it's like a 911. Yeah, this is kind of, you know... | ||
| That's fucking beautiful. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People say the front end looks like an Aston Martin. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| That thing's slick. | ||
| That's a slick car, man. | ||
| And that really could be a daily driver. | ||
| Yeah, I guess, but it's going to break. | ||
| It doesn't have that exotic-like thing. | ||
| You don't want my people making your car. | ||
| They're crazy ape people. | ||
| They make great food, and they make beautiful things, but they're just not... | ||
| Well, look at that fucking navigation screen, too. | ||
| They used to have the worst electronics. | ||
| Their radios were always dog shit. | ||
| They always sounded terrible, and no one cared. | ||
| Nobody gave a shit. | ||
| The other thing about Ferraris is nobody fixes them up. | ||
| Nobody takes a Ferrari and customizes it, like Shark Works or that kind of thing. | ||
| Sure, people do now, but it's not a normal industry. | ||
| For Porsche, for the beginning of time, there's been an outlaw Porsche industry. | ||
| Oh, it's huge. | ||
| Yeah, it's huge. | ||
| Take people like Shark Works, or what was the other company? | ||
| BBI. Oh yeah, these guys. | ||
| The company that you were telling me about that puts a 4.5 liter engine in a Boxster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, they do it in the 718. The Cayman and the Boxster. | |
| Yeah, the Spyder. | ||
| A tiny little mid-engine car. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta give them a shout out because that is unbelievable. | ||
| Yeah, and it's such a sick car already because it goes against a lot of what the trends are with modern cars. | ||
| DeMond Motorsport. | ||
| DeMond. | ||
| D-E-M-O-N? Yeah. | ||
| Like Demon? | ||
| D-E-M-A-N, sorry. | ||
| D-E-M-A-N. In Blovelt, New York. | ||
| 4.5 liter GT4 upgrade with 500 horsepower. | ||
| That's fast. | ||
| That's fast. | ||
| In that mid-engine? | ||
| That little tiny car. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| What does that weigh? | ||
| The thing doesn't weigh anything. | ||
| It can't weigh much. | ||
| I bet that weighs like 2,900 pounds. | ||
| Probably right around 3,000 or something, yeah. | ||
| Is this the different? | ||
| Versa GT3 RS. Oh boy. | ||
| Yeah, this is with their engine in it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| See, they're on top there. | ||
| Yeah, they're dusting some poor guy in a GT3 RS. Pretty wild. | ||
| There's a thing about the Cayman where they always held it back. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Porsche did a weird thing where they made the best design. | ||
| Their 560? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Meet the shop building the 560 horsepower, 4.5 liter Cayman GT4 that Porsche won. | ||
| That is so fast. | ||
| I'll be giving you guys a call. | ||
| Super excited. | ||
| But the thing is, Porsche could have done that. | ||
| Porsche had to make sure that all the 911 owners didn't get pissed. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| It is kind of silly. | ||
| I mean, they basically built this mid-engine mini 911 that people were like, oh, this thing handles insanely well. | ||
| This is perfect. | ||
| Perfect balance. | ||
| Perfect balance. | ||
| Perfect sports car. | ||
| And then they were like, we just want a little more juice in this thing. | ||
| And, you know, Porsche's... | ||
| No, we're not doing it. | ||
| They held it back. | ||
| They held it back, but then companies like this are like, oh, we'll give you... | ||
| Yeah, but what does it do to your warranty? | ||
| It throws it out the window, right? | ||
| For sure it does. | ||
| Every car that I take to the dealership now, they're like, you know there's no warranty on this anymore, right? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I don't care. | ||
| Yeah, if you can do that, you should do that. | ||
| Even a regular GT4 is amazing. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| It's such a well-balanced, fun car to drive. | ||
| And it's the only one of those kind of cars you can get that's an actual manual transmission. | ||
| It is, yeah. | ||
| The GT3. They just started. | ||
| They didn't offer it before in the PDK, and they do now. | ||
| Oh, do they? | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But they still offer the manual. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of cars that they just stopped. | ||
| The American cars, like the GT500, the Shelby GT500, no more stick. | ||
| It was always stick only. | ||
| Yeah, I thought that was strange. | ||
| And all the Ferrari Lambos that we all were blown away by as kids, those were all sticks. | ||
| And Ferrari doesn't make anything manual. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Learn, like a man. | ||
| Learn how to shift your own gears. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's more fun to drive. | ||
| I learned late, man. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| 38 or 9. Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What car did you learn on? | ||
| You learned on that car? | ||
| Well, I learned before I got it. | ||
| I ordered it without knowing how to drive it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And then I found a guy who was like, teach manual. | ||
| And I went in his car, which was like a Honda. | ||
| And I just, you know, I did like a couple hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Just so that when it arrived, I would have some idea what I was doing. | ||
| And then I just drove my M2 out at Willow Springs a couple weeks ago. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How was that? | ||
| So fucking fun. | ||
| Well, your M2 is like how many horsepower? | ||
| 600. Well, that's a tiny little car too, right? | ||
| It is. | ||
| Perfect size. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It rips. | |
| What do you think is bigger, that M2 or like an older, like a 2000 M3? Like a E46? What is bigger? | ||
| Is it a bigger car or is it the same size car? | ||
| I would think that the, well if it's an older M, I think the M2 would be a little bit smaller, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I think so. | ||
| It must be so nimble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It does handle well, but my favorite are those Caymans. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| For the small, fun, sporty drive. | ||
| I think that's the best one. | ||
| And you had one of those before. | ||
| You had a GTS? I did. | ||
| I had a 981 GTS, and I sold it, and I missed it right away. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I was just like, I'll just get something else. | ||
| And within a couple weeks, I was like, I fucked up. | ||
| And you just love the... | ||
| I just love... | ||
| It really just... | ||
| I was telling someone today... | ||
| I was telling Richard yesterday, he was like, what's it like? | ||
| I go, it's honestly like a go-kart. | ||
| You feel like you're driving a go-kart, you know? | ||
| But, like, in the best way. | ||
| Super low to the ground, really connected, really raw feeling, and so incredibly balanced. | ||
| It was like the most fun canyon car, you know, in L.A., taking those canyons. | ||
| Like, late at night, leaving the Comedy Store, go up there. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I used to love going up Laurel. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Really fun, man. | ||
| Those are a thrill to drive. | ||
| And then on a track, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Do you ever drive any electric cars? | ||
| I've driven a few Teslas, and I got to drive a couple Taycans, the Porsche electric cars. | ||
| That's supposed to be really good. | ||
| Unreal. | ||
| I drove the 4S, my dad got a 4S, and then I drove the Turbo S, like their fastest one. | ||
| At the Porsche driving experience, and the guy was like, pin your head back, bro. | ||
| Like, pin your head back when you do launch control in this thing. | ||
| And when he said it, I was like, okay. | ||
| And then he walked away, and I didn't. | ||
| And right away, I was like, huh. | ||
| And I was like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I mean, that's like 0 to 60 in like 2.5 or 2.5. | ||
| Like, unnaturally fast, you know. | ||
| Yeah, that's what my Tesla does. | ||
| That's really fucking fast. | ||
| It might be 2.2 seconds or something. | ||
| It's really insane. | ||
| You know what's weird though? | ||
| That they call it a turbo. | ||
| Yeah, that's all I know. | ||
| And anybody is like, what? | ||
| But it's because that marketing is too... | ||
| Stop being so German. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come up with a new name. | ||
| Have you seen these? | ||
| Lucid's car? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| They're calling themselves Tesla's competitor, but it's like a luxury EV. 1,000 horsepower. | ||
| 1,000 horsepower, 500-mile batteries that they're claiming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| Is this vapor? | ||
| So they aren't out yet, but they have started showing production as far as I know. | ||
| They started showing production? | ||
| Yeah, like, people have been wondering, like, is this vaporware or whatever? | ||
| Who's behind it? | ||
| That's Lucid Motors. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't honestly know. | ||
| I just started hearing about it online. | ||
| Did you ever think about that a guy that rich and powerful, how crazy it is that his phone got hacked? | ||
| Do you know the story? | ||
| Well, I know, like... | ||
| Do you know what happened? | ||
| How his phone got hacked? | ||
| Wasn't it, like, the girl's brother? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, that's what they thought. | ||
| It's the Pegasus software, and it was used by MBS, Saudi Arabia. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they sent him a link on WhatsApp. | ||
| On WhatsApp, yeah, I remember that. | ||
| He clicked on it and downloaded it into his phone. | ||
| It's all detailed in the movie, The Dissident, Brian Fogel's documentary. | ||
| Like, doesn't part of you go, it's crazy that something that simple happens to that status person? | ||
| Yeah, that level person. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, because in my mind I was like, wouldn't he have a phone that we don't have access to? | ||
| Right, some new phone? | ||
| Yeah, some type of security that we don't even know about? | ||
| I bet he does now. | ||
| I bet he does too. | ||
| Yeah, I bet he does too. | ||
| Now I'm sure he's very aware of what could go wrong if you say the wrong thing on a text message. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what Signal exists for. | ||
| That's what I use, that messaging app. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It's an encrypted, peer-to-peer encrypted messaging app. | ||
| So it's like yours is encrypted coming to me, mine's encrypted coming to you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's its own app? | ||
| It's its own app. | ||
| Oh, because I have a different one. | ||
| What do you have? | ||
| I have an app that does that, too. | ||
| I think it was... | ||
| Telegraph? | ||
| I think it was... | ||
| Cubans. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Mark Cubans? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I think it was the one he was behind. | ||
| I downloaded it, and I used it with one or two other people. | ||
| And when you read it, then it goes away. | ||
| Dust. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dust? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| That's what this says. | ||
| Mark Cubans texting. | ||
| Yeah, you can do that with Signal. | ||
| Signal, you also make phone calls, encrypted phone calls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's interesting because people are realizing that, like, hey, these big tech companies, like, their access to your stuff through applications, like even iMessage, which is more secure than Android Messages, because Android Messages are what they call SMS, and iMessages is its own thing, and what it does is it goes through a server, and that way it can be on your phone, and you can also get those messages on your iPad or your laptop if you use Apple for those things. | ||
| But the problem is it's going somewhere else. | ||
| It's somewhere. | ||
| Not just on your phone. | ||
| Whereas Signal is just on your phone and it goes to your phone and my phone and it doesn't go through anybody else. | ||
| And it's encrypted. | ||
| So you text through that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So important messages, anything, whether it's like financial, anything, you should probably do it through that. | ||
| That's good to know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it can go away. | ||
| You can also have it vanish. | ||
| That's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There's this one dude that I know is a tech guy who's a very wealthy coder guy, and we were talking about something, and I said, I'll send you this link. | ||
| He's like, don't send me that. | ||
| He goes, send it to me on Signal. | ||
| He didn't want me to send him a fucked up video on his regular phone. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, you kind of get the sense that you hear about things being leaked. | ||
| I mean, you see it all the time. | ||
| Everybody has that fear, I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, but that was because of Jamal Khashoggi, who was a reporter for the Washington Post, who they wound up murdering. | ||
| And that's all... | ||
| In that doc. | ||
| In the documentary, where they explain exactly what- Yeah, because he goes to the Saudi consulate or the embassy in Turkey, right, in Istanbul, and then they fly in a team and fuck him up. | ||
| Yeah, they knew he was coming, and there's an audio recording, apparently, of it, and it's heavy-duty shit, man. | ||
| It's heavy-duty shit. | ||
| And the documentary is intense. | ||
| Have you seen it, The Dissident? | ||
| I saw part of it. | ||
| It's really good, man. | ||
| It's really good, and it's really shocking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and then- I watched his other one, too, the one from a couple years ago. | ||
| Icarus. | ||
| That was great. | ||
| Great. | ||
| No, he's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was on recently, a couple months ago, talking about The Dissident. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He couldn't get anyone to stream The Dissident. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Couldn't get, nope. | ||
| Amazon wouldn't take it. | ||
| All these other streaming services wouldn't take it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The only thing you can do is have it for sale. | ||
| That's a powerful reach they have, man. | ||
| I think it's fear. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Even Jeff Bezos. | ||
| So think about it. | ||
| Jeff Bezos gets taken in by this guy, right? | ||
| Sends him this link. | ||
| Dick pics, the whole deal, right? | ||
| And then Jeff Bezos' Amazon is not streaming it. | ||
| Like, no, we're good. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| Okay, good luck with that. | ||
| You can just put it up. | ||
| I don't want any problems. | ||
| We're not going to talk about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just a little sit there. | ||
| MBS, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like the Suge Knight of fucking... | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, didn't he lock a bunch of his family members up? | ||
| He got rid of a bunch of people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's, like, supposedly the most progressive of those guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he's in, like, Women Can Drive and all that shit. | ||
| Yeah, and he's, like, American educated, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, he's spending a lot of time here. | ||
| And, yeah, he's, like, the forward thinker, but still ruthless. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's a different world over there. | ||
| Imagine you probably have to be ruthless to maintain power in a different environment. | ||
| You can't have progressive policies and be in the Mongol Empire in 1400 or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You have to play by those rules. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And living in a country like that, that's got to affect your mentality. | ||
| When you know that the people on top will not so quietly handle you and anyone else who gets too far out of line. | ||
| Like China. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| China just says they ghost billionaires. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are we talking shit? | ||
| Are we talking shit? | ||
| There's labor camps, man. | ||
| There's active labor camps. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sure. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So, same with Russia. | ||
| That guy who's Putin's number one critic. | ||
| All his critics go away. | ||
| They go, bye-bye. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| Yeah, the guy's in a labor camp somewhere. | ||
| What happened to that journalist? | ||
| He got sick, man. | ||
| Everybody gets sick here. | ||
| You know, people die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that Jack Ma guy, he's one of the best examples. | ||
| Richest man in China. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Runs their version of Amazon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alibaba, right? | ||
| Said some stupid shit. | ||
| They didn't like it. | ||
| So vanished for three months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Came back. | ||
| Did he change his tune? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He did. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| What, do you want to die? | ||
| I mean, I don't know what they did with him. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But he definitely went away. | ||
| Definitely vanished, and they started taking apart his company. | ||
| Such a mysterious... | ||
| When you think about China, the sheer magnitude of it, and the fact that there's no... | ||
| There's not open internet or anything like that over there. | ||
| And it's huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge. | |
| Huge, and so many people, so many fucking people. | ||
| You ever see the list of the population by city, and you realize that there's, unless you're well-versed in it, you're like, I've never heard of 10 of these cities, and they each have over 25 million people in them? | ||
| That's how many people live in China, that there's cities that I'm like, I've never heard that said before, and that has 25 million people living there. | ||
| Ari's stories about going over there are fucking wild. | ||
| He said on the mainland that people would just be taking shits in the street and just pull their pants down. | ||
| In the mall. | ||
| In the mall. | ||
| In the mall, there's signs that are like, don't shit here. | ||
| Because people that are from the rural parts are so accustomed to that that they'll go into a shopping center and just take a shit on the floor and keep walking. | ||
| And so the signs are like, and you can see those signs, they're all over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What do they expect is going to happen? | ||
| What do you think the thought process is there? | ||
| They're like, well, I always shit, you know, and walk when I'm home, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No toilet paper. | ||
| Just shit. | ||
| Pull your drawers back up. | ||
| Hold them up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Keep moving. | ||
| And they're like, you can't shit here. | ||
| That's a fucking gap, bro. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They shit like... | ||
| Chinese visitors welcome Disneyland to town by defecating in the bushes. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Disneyland Shanghai, just so you don't think it's an American. | ||
| Is that someone shitting on the concrete right there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it looks like, at least. | ||
| Is that lady shitting too? | ||
| With the water bottle? | ||
| Don't think so. | ||
| I think there's someone hanging out in the park. | ||
| Maybe she just finished. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something's going on there with her. | ||
| They're blurring her face out. | ||
| Disneyland Shanghai readies to open next month. | ||
| The infrastructure and smaller aspects of the resort have been coming online over the past few weeks. | ||
| The brand new metro station opened up late April. | ||
| Chinese government Oh, their children? | ||
| I guess what Ari said, too. | ||
| There's a lot of kids. | ||
| A lot of kids shitting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Children relieving themselves in public has long been an issue for the rapidly urbanizing Chinese. | ||
| Many rural Chinese still use crotchless pants and no diapers on their children. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just shit anywhere, little ones. | ||
| Just shit, man. | ||
| These tendency... | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| These tendencies? | ||
| Tendencies? | ||
| While becoming rare, still do occur in China. | ||
| I like how they're doing that, softening it up. | ||
| While becoming rare. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're getting better at it. | ||
| Jesus, man. | ||
| Taking shits like that in public. | ||
| Are you worried about China taking over the world? | ||
| Taking over the world? | ||
| I've definitely thought about the fact that there's something about China where you feel like it's just a couple incidents away from something really significant happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You think about our debt and just a conflict away. | ||
| Not only that- Just agreement away from something really bad that could happen. | ||
| Controlling stakes in so many US businesses. | ||
| So many. | ||
| And also how much real estate is owned by China here? | ||
| Chinese state and citizens own more of New York than Americans do. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, in Manhattan. | ||
| New York with the new tax laws, they're so fucked. | ||
| I don't understand why they would do that. | ||
| Don't they know that people are already thinking about moving and are already moving? | ||
| People are moving like... | ||
| We've never seen before. | ||
| Everyone's splitting. | ||
| That's the thing is the pandemic gave you, in a way, types of clarity. | ||
| Because we sat in it for a while, it really made you think about, why am I here? | ||
| Why am I here? | ||
| Why do I live here? | ||
| Can I live somewhere else? | ||
| Where else could I live? | ||
| Do I like it here? | ||
| Or am I just used to living here? | ||
| I've been doing that forever, right? | ||
| Whenever we would go on the road, I'd be like, I could live here. | ||
| Oh, I ask myself that every time I'm in a city. | ||
| But I was always kind of not really serious. | ||
| I was always like, I kind of think I should, but you know what? | ||
| The podcast and the store and everything keeps me there. | ||
| It took something like the pandemic to make me go, that's it. | ||
| I'm getting at it. | ||
| And then coming here and seeing how they handled it, As opposed to seeing how it was handled in LA, and then also the lower population number. | ||
| That's a big difference. | ||
| And the thing about, you know, people always, like, really, they latch on to the tax conversation of it. | ||
| And I always think that, think about, like, I've never been somebody who's opposed to paying whatever taxes are, right? | ||
| But when you pay, like, a certain tax, like California, the equation that you ask yourself is, does paying this... | ||
| Feel like it's worth it? | ||
| That's what you ask yourself. | ||
| I'm not opposed to paying it, but do I feel like I'm happy to pay it because I live in this fucking paradise? | ||
| And that's the thing that you end up going like, oh no, I don't feel like the equation makes sense. | ||
| I don't see the result of it here, where I go, I'll tell you why taxes are so high here, because it's fucking awesome. | ||
| It doesn't feel like that. | ||
| I remember being in Amsterdam Like a year and a half ago and being like, I don't care if they take 80%. | ||
| The city's amazing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's such a beautiful city. | ||
| You just walk around and you go, take whatever you want. | ||
| I want to feel like that. | ||
| It's not cleaned up. | ||
| It's like the amount of money that they're getting and the amount of incompetence that they're displaying. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| You're like, I don't know if I can pay that here. | ||
| The thing is like... | ||
| Nobody wants to be the mayor of L.A. Most successful businessmen don't want to be the mayor of L.A. So you've got to get a guy like Garcetti to be the mayor of L.A. It's a tricky job, you know? | ||
| That's a thankless job. | ||
| Thankless job. | ||
| Because when you're doing great, nobody knows where the fuck you are. | ||
| And as soon as something like the pandemic hits and you're the one who's deciding what should be closed or not closed, you're fucked. | ||
| I mean, that's a tough job to manage Los Angeles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's interesting, like, political pieces that get moved around. | ||
| Like, Garcetti, after Biden got elected, for literally, I mean, like, weeks and weeks, people were camping out on his lawn protesting him, making sure that he didn't get an appointment to the Biden administration. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There were marches to his house of, like, 30,000 people or something one time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy, man. | ||
| Imagine? | ||
| No. | ||
| And so he's got all these armed guards waiting outside his house to keep people from storming the gates and pulling them out of bed. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But what's crazy is, like, what did he do to them? | ||
| Like, he's not really... | ||
| Other than shut down everything, which he did, what did he do that's so horrendous? | ||
| And what they were mad at was what he didn't do. | ||
| They were like, you didn't do this well enough. | ||
| You didn't take care of the homeless people enough. | ||
| And it was more progressive stuff. | ||
| What were their specific reasons for doing that to him? | ||
| The homeless situation is out of control in Los Angeles. | ||
| The crazy thing is people support it staying the way it is. | ||
| There's a considerable group of people that think the unhoused should be allowed to camp out in Echo Park. | ||
| They should be able to do whatever they want. | ||
| It just feels like it's completely lawless and without any regulation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's spreading. | ||
| You see it everywhere. | ||
| And actually, I think it feels sad. | ||
| It is sad. | ||
| You see tents all over the place. | ||
| It's also there's no real solution, and it's never been navigated in our time. | ||
| So in our lifetime, there's never been a time where there was hundreds of tents all over Los Angeles, thousands of tents. | ||
| At this point, they're somewhere in the neighborhood of 80,000-plus. | ||
| They don't really know. | ||
| It might be 100 in Los Angeles, homeless people. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You get to a certain number, it's like you've never had to deal with this before. | ||
| Did you see that piece on Netflix about the Cecil Hotel? | ||
| I started it and I didn't, I don't know, I just didn't get into it. | ||
| It's pretty interesting. | ||
| It's kind of a trick because the girl, spoiler alert, the girl who they're looking for, they think was murdered, actually was off her meds and wound up opening, they believe, this is what happened, they believe she opened the water tanks on the roof and climbed in and drowned. | ||
| And that's how she died. | ||
| That's where they found her. | ||
| They found her in the water tank. | ||
| She was high. | ||
| I don't know if she's high. | ||
| I think she had some mental illness. | ||
| I think she was medicated. | ||
| And then she got off her meds. | ||
| Because I didn't know anything about it. | ||
| There was a bunch of murders there or something? | ||
| It's just in a shitty part of town. | ||
| It's in Skid Row. | ||
| So the Cecil Hotel, and one of the couples that was on the documentary is pretty funny. | ||
| They're a British couple. | ||
| So we found it online, and look, the Cecil Hotel. | ||
| It's in downtown Los Angeles. | ||
| It must be a nice place. | ||
| It must be lovely. | ||
| Downtown. | ||
| Must be downtown. | ||
| Must be lovely. | ||
| Downtown's a real... | ||
| That can really trick you. | ||
| Downtown can sound like it must be really nice. | ||
| Downtown Chicago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Downtown New York. | ||
| Oh, downtown. | ||
| I remember when I lived in L.A. for just a couple years and kind of starting to understand how the city works, people would come in, friends would be like, I want to go downtown. | ||
| And I'd be like, no you don't. | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| This is not what you think of as downtown. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's totally different. | ||
| I mean, there's parts of that south kind of area that they built up real nice, kind of like around near the Staples Center and stuff, where the condos exploded in price. | ||
| But there's parts of downtown LA that are fucking really rough. | ||
| I think before the pandemic, it was starting to come up. | ||
| They were starting to try to figure out how to deal with all the poorer spots, because every time they would sort of gentrify an area, they would make a shitload of money on these condos. | ||
| And people, I think, liked the idea of living, air quotes, downtown. | ||
| Yes, they do. | ||
| It sounds sexy. | ||
| Downtown just sounds cool. | ||
| What was interesting about this documentary, this Netflix thing on the Cecil Hotel, was not even necessarily this one case that they were highlighting. | ||
| But it was what happened with Skid Row in the first place. | ||
| Skid Row, which I first discovered, or I first experienced, I should say, when I was filming Fear Factor. | ||
| Because we were filming Fear Factor downtown a lot. | ||
| Because a lot of these buildings that we would use were abandoned buildings. | ||
| So we would be able to put scaffolding on the roof and dangle people off the roof. | ||
| Such a crazy show. | ||
| A ridiculous show. | ||
| Fucking knock on wood, we never killed anybody on that show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I was real worried about that. | ||
| A couple times, really? | ||
| The last season in particular. | ||
| The last season because they're like, NBC's back, or Fear Pacture's back on NBC, bigger and better than ever. | ||
| And they went way further. | ||
| That was when the Come Drinking episode got us kicked off the air. | ||
| But I think- You didn't know about that? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| Cum drinking? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I did not know this. | ||
| They played horseshoes to see how much Donkey Kong... | ||
| Donkey cum. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| Donkey cum. | ||
| They had a drink. | ||
| Donkey cum. | ||
| How much cum did they drink? | ||
| A beer stein. | ||
| No. | ||
| A massive amount of cum. | ||
| Did you smell it at least? | ||
| Oh yeah, I smelled it. | ||
| These girls are chugging jizz right there. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| Back of my hair when I had some hair. | ||
| You're so enthusiastic about it. | ||
| I had to be. | ||
| I'm trying to help these people win. | ||
| Are they vomiting? | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Oh yes. | ||
| Yes, they all vomited. | ||
| I think everybody vomited. | ||
| And they had to drink piss too. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, see that guy's drinking piss and then the guy next to him is drinking jizz. | ||
| Look how much it is. | ||
| I like how they plug their nose too. | ||
| That's so much cum. | ||
| It's so much cum. | ||
| That's like three of my loads. | ||
| That's a fucking big ass load. | ||
| That's like two of mine. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's how I feel you. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I come a lot. | ||
| Can you imagine if you came that much? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I come a lot. | |
| Not like that much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| Always? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Do you save it up? | ||
| Dude, I remember like being in high school and you talking to friends and they're like, yeah, just, you know, just kind of rub one out here and then like in the bathroom or something and then I'm like, what do you mean? | ||
| Like, what do you do with all the cum? | ||
| And they're like, what? | ||
| Peter North over here. | ||
| Yeah, and they're like, I don't know, it's like fucking just wipe it down with a sock. | ||
| And I'm like, a sock? | ||
| I need a fucking towel, man. | ||
| Like, I shoot monster loads, bro. | ||
| Like, as much to fill up this coffee cup? | ||
| You know how you have a contraction? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many of those you got? | ||
| Minimum, because they vary sometimes. | ||
| Minimum would be like 12. 12? | ||
| 12 pumps? | ||
| Sometimes like 17. So 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Is that how you got your wife? | ||
| She's like, yes! | ||
| She's like, is this going to be every time? | ||
| This is a fucking disaster. | ||
| I mean, every girl that I slept with was like, this is so much cum, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, Bert's here and it's like, no, no, I shoot the bigger lungs! | ||
| No, he gave me the title. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| No, we just talked about it. | ||
| We came on each other's faces and he's like, that's way more good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And I used to, like, shoot it into, like, the boxers I was wearing and then I would just be soaked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| And I would just throw them under my bed. | ||
| And your mother pills him out like, what the fuck? | ||
| This thing is like cardboard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this? | |
| I don't know how that happened. | ||
| Bunch of cocksnot. | ||
| That is fucking... | ||
| So that got pulled? | ||
| Yeah, that's what got us canceled. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And what happened is, I think it got leaked on TMZ or something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it got online. | ||
| And then once people realized it, they actually did pull the episode, but then canceled the show. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| By the way, I do love the shooting stars. | ||
| I keep seeing them at the point. | ||
| Pretty dope, right? | ||
| They're very cool, yeah. | ||
| It's really wild, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stars on the scene. | ||
| Have you seen, because I've been big on a few things, that F1 show. | ||
| Have you seen Zero, Zero, Zero? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That is a series on Amazon Prime that's eight episodes of Reportedly, the budget was $160 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yes. | ||
| It's shot in Calabria, Italy, Monterey, Mexico, New Orleans, Senegal, and Morocco. | ||
| It's like a fucking epic. | ||
| It's the guy that made Gamora. | ||
| So like that Italian crime saga. | ||
| And this story It has the Calabrian mob, the cartel in Mexico, and then a shipping broker in New Orleans. | ||
| And it's like each time you're focused in one area, they have their own storyline characters that is like unbelievable and incredible set pieces and action sequences. | ||
| You're like, this is epic. | ||
| I'm going to write this down. | ||
| So the number, zero, zero, zero, zero? | ||
| Zero, zero, zero. | ||
| The word, zero, zero, zero. | ||
| And not to mention the music, like the score. | ||
| This is it? | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| It's incredible. | ||
| So it's all in subtitles? | ||
| Not all, no. | ||
| And they've now that was in Calabria now we're in Mexico Tai Chi me like he may keep it easy simply so some of it is in something yes Yes, some of it's in Italian, some of it's in Spanish, some of it's in English. | ||
| There's scenes in French, in Arabic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If we don't continue to broker cocaine, this company ceases to access. | |
| My brother will personally escort the load from start to finish. | ||
| I mean, just like that shipping freight. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're starting a cargo. | |
| Dude, this looks amazing. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| It's one of the most incredible things I've seen. | ||
| That theme song is the first thing I learned on piano. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I sent to the piano teacher. | ||
| Wow, okay. | ||
| Zero, zero, zero on Netflix. | ||
| No, on Amazon Prime. | ||
| On Amazon Prime. | ||
| Yeah, Prime Video. | ||
| That's why I don't know about it. | ||
| A lot of their shows don't get much publicity. | ||
| I know, and this thing actually came out, I think it came out right before the pandemic. | ||
| It first aired in Italy in February of 2020. That's a month before. | ||
| And then I think, you know, with everything happening, it kind of got lost. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buried. | |
| Yeah, and I have that thing, too, where I have that thing. | ||
| I've noticed it's happened to me before, where I'll just go to Netflix, and then I'll be like, is there something here that I want to watch or not? | ||
| And I'll forget about all my options. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're like, oh, yeah, there's these other streaming platforms, and they each have incredible libraries now. | ||
| Well, I found out about Amazon Prime because of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, which I really got into. | ||
| I never saw that, but I heard a wonderful thing. | ||
| I really liked the first two seasons, and then I think I lost it, whatever it is, for whatever reason. | ||
| It just stopped being appealing to me. | ||
| It started seeming less real or something. | ||
| I was watching Handmaid's Tale, which was so dramatic, and they would do... | ||
| Dark episodes where you're like, Jesus Christ, that is so fucking so dark. | ||
| And then they would have a little bit of an uplifting one, and you'd be like, alright, I'm back. | ||
| And I watched, I think, two seasons of that, and then I just kind of fell out of it. | ||
| I watched one episode, and I'm like, check, please. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I don't need this in my life. | ||
| It gets heavy, man. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I don't need... | ||
| I know. | ||
| Fake, heavy shit in my life, especially during the pandemic. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| It's like, I wanted Adam Sandler movies. | ||
| That's what I wanted. | ||
| I watched all the Adam, up until Uncut Gems, which is fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've seen that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, like, all the other ones are so fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like, ah, we tricked you. | ||
| Well, that's definitely not a Sandler movie, though, right? | ||
| Like, that's those brothers. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, he's in it, but, like, not a happy Madison production, for sure. | ||
| Right, right, right, right, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's so many series. | ||
| There's another one called The Expanse that I started watching recently on Amazon. | ||
| I haven't seen that. | ||
| Wild sci-fi show. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, that everybody kept recommending to me. | ||
| And I was like, really? | ||
| How good is it? | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's good? | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's really good in the special effects and the way it's put together. | ||
| It's like about a bunch of miners that live in the future and space. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like a really good sci-fi special show. | ||
| I saw the movie that you... | ||
| I Care A Lot. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I really liked it, but I didn't love the third act as much. | ||
| I love revenge, you know? | ||
| It's fucking coursing through my veins all the time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I love the idea of revenge. | ||
| And just the concept, and I love revenge stories, because revenge, real, true revenge is justified, right? | ||
| So it's like somebody did something, and they deserve what they're getting. | ||
| And I felt that story building towards, and they were seeing it, that she was going to get hers. | ||
| Obviously you can ultimately say that she did, but the way... | ||
| Not enough. | ||
| Yeah, and the way that it was happening, I was like, oh, this is about to get so fucking good. | ||
| Especially with the older... | ||
| Spoiler alert, sorry. | ||
| With the older woman that was being... | ||
| When she was like, you have no idea what's about to fucking happen. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I was like, now all hell is going to break loose. | ||
| And it kind of did, but not to the extent that I was hoping for it. | ||
| What is that movie that's out now? | ||
| I haven't seen it yet, but it's one of the top movies on iTunes. | ||
| It's about a woman who pretends to be incapacitated. | ||
| Promising Young Woman. | ||
| Promising Young Woman. | ||
| I saw that, too. | ||
| How's that? | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| I heard that's really good. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| And that's like a good revenge movie. | ||
| Yes, and it has a very... | ||
| There's a real dark twist in it. | ||
| I don't want to give anything away, but it's really good. | ||
| People love revenge movies, man. | ||
| Yeah, revenge is part of the human experience. | ||
| You did something that was like... | ||
| It was wrong. | ||
| You wronged me in some way or to somebody. | ||
| Especially when you set it up with family. | ||
| Somebody's dignity and their children or their parents or something. | ||
| You set that up. | ||
| Man. | ||
| And they deserve the revenge. | ||
| The ultimate revenge movie is John Wick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the ultimate revenge one. | ||
| I mean, that's why I think some people connected with that, right? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Because in the beginning of the movie, you don't have any idea who this guy is. | ||
| You think he's just this handsome Keanu Reeves who lost his wife. | ||
| You don't know what's going to happen. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| And then when the Russian mobsters kill his dog and steal his car, it's like, oh, boy. | ||
| It's so on. | ||
| And then you're like, it's so funny how connected we are and how much we love our dogs, you know, especially in this country. | ||
| But you're like, yeah, dude, kill like 100 people. | ||
| That guy fucked up your dog. | ||
| Yeah, kill everyone. | ||
| Kill everyone. | ||
| And then the other DiCaprio one, that's a great, that's revenge. | ||
| Which one's that? | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| The Revenant? | ||
| Oh, The Revenant? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| The son, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| What do you got there? | ||
| The new Guy Ritchie movie. | ||
| I only saw the trailer of it. | ||
| I think it's out now, but it's a revenge story with Jason Statham in LA. Let me see this. | ||
| He's lots of badass guns and shit. | ||
| It seems like he took a job guarding money trucks so he could kill everyone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Looking for the guy who killed his son or something. | |
| Guy Ritchie's movies are always awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you have a problem? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Do I? Does Guy Ritchie have one bad movie? | ||
| No, what he does so well, I think he does two things so well. | ||
| Is that everything's stylized in a very cool way, you know? | ||
| Like, every shot feels like a cool fucking, like, cinematography is awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he writes, like, aggressive, funny dialogue well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you know? | ||
| Like, no, a proper fucking fuck. | ||
| What do you think fuck? | ||
| Like, the way that he writes like a gangster or like a bad guy talking shit just sounds cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He writes dialogue cool for people where you want to hear them keep speaking. | ||
| He's a fucking interesting guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Super smart guy. | ||
| Legit Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. | ||
| He is? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| Legit. | ||
| Henzo Gracie black belt. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, there's levels of black belts. | ||
| Not that it's a disrespect to have a black belt from a guy who's unknown, but to get a black belt from either Hickson, Hickson Gracie's, that's probably the biggest one, or Henzo Gracie. | ||
| Those are two huge black belts. | ||
| What type of timeline are we talking about? | ||
| Ten years. | ||
| Ten years? | ||
| Ten years of regular training. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I was a brown belt for eight years. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because I wasn't training as much as I should have been. | ||
| Yeah, because busy, you know, constantly doing things. | ||
| And is it one day that, like, you go? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're just, like, rolling on the mat? | ||
| One day, I just got, you know, they made an announcement. | ||
| Eddie Bravo made an announcement, gave me my black belt. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Same thing with John Jock Machado. | ||
| You know, one day, showed up at training, and now I got a black belt. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| That's got to be a pretty crazy feeling, huh? | ||
| It's a weird feeling, man. | ||
| Because there's not that many out there, you know? | ||
| To be able to do it while you're doing other stuff, you know, it's not like I was a young man who was just only trying to pursue jujitsu. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like, I got my black belt in Taekwondo after, like, Two years. | ||
| Two and a half years. | ||
| Dude, I wasn't that far from a black belt in Taekwondo as a kid. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| Fucking like nine or something. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's weird. | ||
| Those are weird. | ||
| Yeah, that's real controversial. | ||
| You know, it's controversial in the sport. | ||
| It's controversial as a martial art. | ||
| Master Hong Kong Kim. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The thing is, like, you do teach children that in achieving new ranks, like, it's goal setting, and you get rewarded for it, and it really does pump you up. | ||
| It means a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it makes you better. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| It was good for me. | ||
| Like, it was really good for me to, like, just, I don't think I was particularly great, but I'm saying it was really good for confidence and, like, yeah, it was great activity, man. | ||
| My instructor would not let people get black belts when they were kids. | ||
| That's probably smart. | ||
| Yeah, he didn't believe in it. | ||
| And he also made me fight men when I was a kid. | ||
| Like when I was 15, I fought in the men's division. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, he put pressure on me to do that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's like, you can fight men. | ||
| You should fight men. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Okay, so like when I was 16, 17, I was fighting grown ass men with beards and shit. | ||
| That's gotta be, is that intimidating as shit when you start? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I mean, it was, but I was so brainwashed. | ||
| And not in a bad way, but in a good way. | ||
| Like, I was all in. | ||
| It was the only thing in my whole life up until that moment where I didn't feel like a loser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I was a troubled young man. | ||
| So, to have this outlet, the first outlet ever in my life where I was not just getting positive feedback, but... | ||
| You know, I was winning. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Winning tournaments, like quite a few. | ||
| It gave you an identity. | ||
| It was my identity. | ||
| And that's the thing about, as a, especially, I mean, I can't speak for a young lady, but as a young man, I feel like that's something that every young man, you know, really strives for. | ||
| Like, who am I? What am I? I mean, I really latched on to, like, my identity being a football player. | ||
| You know, middle school, high school. | ||
| You were a handsome buck back then. | ||
| I've seen these pictures. | ||
| Full head of hair, looking good, thick. | ||
| I mean, I really thought, like, if you were like, tell me about yourself, you'd be like, I play football. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| What else? | ||
| Because it's a cool thing to say, right? | ||
| It's a cool thing to say, but also, like, it makes you feel like I'm part of, like, I have an identity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And, like, I think that fighting is probably similar to that, where you go, like, this is who I am. | ||
| Yeah, it was everything for me. | ||
| It's like all of a sudden I was a thing. | ||
| It was before I was a nobody. | ||
| And then all of a sudden I was a black belt. | ||
| And then I was a state champion. | ||
| Then I was a multiple time state champion. | ||
| Then I won national tournaments. | ||
| And then it was everything. | ||
| The thing that fucked it up for me was really trying other martial arts. | ||
| And realizing how helpless I was. | ||
| When I started kickboxing, I was boxing these guys and getting lit up. | ||
| Just lit up. | ||
| I'd go to the boxing gym. | ||
| And it was really because of my friend Joe. | ||
| My friend Joe Lake. | ||
| I was teaching at Nautilus Plus in Revere, Massachusetts. | ||
| It was a gym. | ||
| And they had this separate big room of the gym that they didn't have anything going on in, because it was a big-ass gym. | ||
| And my instructor decided to run classes out of there, and he asked me if I wanted to take it over as like a satellite school. | ||
| So I was teaching when I was 19. That's young. | ||
| Professionally. | ||
| So here I am teaching, and then I ran into this guy, Joe Lake, who was a boxing coach and a longshoreman, this really big Big, fucking tough Irish guy. | ||
| I've talked about him before. | ||
| He had his finger bitten off in a street fight, so he took his toe. | ||
| They took his toe off and put it where his finger used to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, and curved it permanently so he could always throw punches because otherwise if it was straight, it's not going to fit in a glove and he wouldn't be able to bend it. | ||
| So when you'd shake his hand, his hand always had like this weird little toe that was touching you from his... | ||
| That's someone who's built different. | ||
| He's a savage. | ||
| Awesome boxing coach, too. | ||
| Fucking tough, tough guy. | ||
| So he came and he watched me. | ||
| I was kicking the bag. | ||
| And he goes, I want to fucking learn how to do that. | ||
| And he goes, I'm a boxing coach. | ||
| I'll teach you a little bit of this. | ||
| You teach me a little bit of that. | ||
| I go, yeah, let's just do it. | ||
| And then immediately from working out with him, I started realizing, I'm like, oh, shit. | ||
| I thought I had, like, good hands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, oh, my hands are bullshit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he started bringing in professional boxers for me to spar with and amateur boxers. | ||
| I'm like, oh, great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was, like, realizing two things I was realizing at the same time. | ||
| One... | ||
| That this idea of me being this elite martial artist. | ||
| I was just, I was elite at a sport. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This Taekwondo thing. | ||
| And then I got, once I became a kickboxer, then I felt more confident that I could use it. | ||
| Because I knew how to use my hands, too. | ||
| But it took like a couple of years of learning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But then I sort of started getting brain damage. | ||
| Because I was sparring a lot. | ||
| I was sparring a lot. | ||
| And I was sparring with guys who were better than me, so I was getting hit a lot. | ||
| With boxing only, and I was getting a lot of headaches. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was not good. | ||
| I very distinctly remember one really hard sparring session that I had with this dude. | ||
| And I was laying in bed and my head was just throbbing, just bang, bang, bang. | ||
| Like with every heartbeat, you know, pulse that was going through my body, my head would have a new throb. | ||
| And I was poor and I was living in this really shitty apartment and I had no future. | ||
| And I was like, what am I doing with my life? | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| I'm giving myself brain damage. | ||
| I was teaching Taekwondo, kickboxing, getting ready to do some kickboxing fights. | ||
| I wound up having like three kickboxing fights and realizing that there's no future. | ||
| I couldn't take Taekwondo seriously anymore as a competitor because I knew how easy it was for these guys to corner me And if I didn't kick their head off, if I didn't hurt them really bad with a kick, they would corner me and just beat me up with punches. | ||
| And I was like, oh no. | ||
| And so I realized that I had to move more. | ||
| And then eventually I got better with my hands so I could protect myself more. | ||
| And then I discovered Muay Thai. | ||
| And that was an even bigger problem, because then I had all these ideas about, well, at least I'll kick the shit out of you if you want to kickbox with me. | ||
| And then I found guys that were literally traveling to Thailand that were living in this part of Massachusetts. | ||
| I think it was Everett where these guys were. | ||
| And they were traveling over to Thailand and fighting in Thailand. | ||
| Coming home with these gnarly scars, man, because they were getting cut open with elbows, and they were doing a lot of leg kicks. | ||
| And then I realized, like, oh, my God, it's so easy to kick someone in the legs. | ||
| Like, my legs are so vulnerable. | ||
| Like, I thought I was a good kicker. | ||
| Because in Taekwondo, you couldn't kick the legs. | ||
| You could only kick above the waist. | ||
| So I couldn't take it seriously anymore. | ||
| Not that it's not a good martial art to learn how to kick, because all the stuff that I did back then, I still do. | ||
| I still train with it. | ||
| But it wasn't, as itself, it wasn't a good enough martial art. | ||
| And my fucking head was throbbing all the time. | ||
| I feel like a lot of people probably experienced what you did and didn't go, I should stop doing this. | ||
| Yeah, but the good thing about not having a dad growing up, not having a stepdad, but not knowing my dad, is I never really thought anybody was going to rescue me. | ||
| I had no confidence at all that it was going to be okay. | ||
| So me lying there in bed, I'll never forget that thing. | ||
| I was like, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| I've got to stop. | ||
| I've got to figure out how to stop. | ||
| And I still didn't stop until I got TKO'd in my last fight. | ||
| I got dropped with a left hook. | ||
| And you knew? | ||
| I knew I wasn't training hard enough. | ||
| I knew I was doing comedy at the same time. | ||
| I had these fights, kickboxing fights I had after I'd already started doing stand-up. | ||
| And I was kind of on the fence. | ||
| And you know what's interesting? | ||
| There was one guy who said something to me. | ||
| It was kind of a shitty thing to say, but I realized he was right. | ||
| We were both open micers, and we were both about six months in. | ||
| And we were just talking about comedy or something like that. | ||
| And I don't remember the context of it, but I remember him saying to me, and we weren't in an argument or anything, which is, you know, I didn't get mad at him either. | ||
| But he just goes, yeah, he goes, you started out pretty good. | ||
| He goes, but then it seems like you just like kind of fizzled out and you haven't really gotten any better. | ||
| That stuck with you. | ||
| And I was like, oh... | ||
| You know when someone says something and you don't even go, fuck you, man? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, oh, he's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I knew he was right. | ||
| I didn't get mad at him. | ||
| I didn't argue. | ||
| You feel like a shockwave for a moment. | ||
| Yeah, I was just like, he's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then I was thinking about what I'm doing with my life. | ||
| And I'm like, what am I doing with my life? | ||
| And then I wound up fighting after that. | ||
| I had the kickboxing fights after that. | ||
| But I knew. | ||
| If I'm going to be a comedian, I have to just... | ||
| And so when I had my last fight, one of the first things I did was when I came back and I knew I was going to fight again, I quit teaching. | ||
| I just quit my school. | ||
| And my manager was like, what are you doing? | ||
| Or my instructor, rather, was like, what are you doing? | ||
| You're gonna quit? | ||
| I quit teaching at BU. I had a teaching job at BU. I taught accredited course. | ||
| It was like you get pass-fail-A. It counted for your GPA. For Taekwondo? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I taught it there for a couple years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, I can't do it anymore. | ||
| I have to stop doing everything with it. | ||
| I still worked out. | ||
| I would come and work out, but I was like, no more teaching. | ||
| No more teaching, no more competing. | ||
| Because it was too much of a distraction and also it was dangerous. | ||
| It was both, but I was realizing that I had to be all in as a comic. | ||
| And the only way I was going to be all in as a comic, even though I was terrible, right? | ||
| Six months in or whatever I was, I wasn't good. | ||
| I wasn't like, this is my shit. | ||
| Do you know when I quit my job? | ||
|
unidentified
|
When? | |
| The day after I got a manager. | ||
| I had a post-production job that paid well for my age and had extra, what's it called? | ||
| Benefits? | ||
| Not benefits, but overtime. | ||
| So you can make pretty good money and you're in LA trying to survive. | ||
| You know, making, I don't know, I think my rate was like $1,500 a week plus overtime. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And we just started a new show, like in post, and I got a manager, and like the next day he was like, he's like, I got you an audition, you have an audition for this, it was an Eddie Murphy movie, right? | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, I have an Eddie Murphy movie audition? | |
| He was like, yeah, so I go to my boss. | ||
| I was like, hey man, I have to hang it up. | ||
| I'm gonna quit and do this thing. | ||
| And he was like, really? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He was cool about it. | ||
| He was like, wow, we just started this new post job. | ||
| So this is gonna run for, let's say, four months or something. | ||
| And he just gave me this great rate and everything. | ||
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| So I quit. | ||
| And then I called my manager. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I quit my job today. | ||
| And he was like, why? | ||
| And I go, because I have an audition tomorrow. | ||
| He was like, okay. | ||
| And I go, so what else are we going to do? | ||
| He's like, well, that's it for right now. | ||
| I mean, I'll try to get you some more stuff, but this is our first day. | ||
| When was that in relation to when I met you? | ||
| A year before. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But how long have you been doing stand-up? | ||
| I started in April of 2002, so this is my 19-year anniversary. | ||
| And then I quit that job in 2006. I met you in 2007. Yeah, that's when we were doing the tour. | ||
| Yeah, so I met you five years after I started. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it's that leap. | ||
| The sink or swim. | ||
| The sink or swim works, though. | ||
| It works. | ||
| We each know a number of people who you go like, yeah, dude, make the leap. | ||
| It's time to make the leap. | ||
| But we also know a bunch of people that you should probably get out of the water. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like that George St. Pierre thing about fighters. | ||
| Remember he's at the gym and he's like, but they'll get mad at me. | ||
| It's the exact same thing. | ||
| There's people who you go like, you really should think about something. | ||
| It's such a narrow window that you have to have the right personality. | ||
| There has to be so many things to make it. | ||
| A lot of things have to line up. | ||
| And as a fighter, I think it's probably even narrower. | ||
| Because you can make it as... | ||
| The thing about a fighter is, it is narrower. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because you can make it as a professional comedian and do well as a middle act, and you can work a little... | ||
| We all know guys who are... | ||
| It's essentially professional comedians, but they don't have a big following. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they do work. | ||
| But they're competent. | ||
| But they're competent, and they can do the job. | ||
| Like, you hire them, they'll do 20 minutes, they'll kill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| They'll do good. | ||
| But if you're a fighter... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're just competent? | ||
| That means you're grist for the mill. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| And if you're somebody who a bunch of people have gotten beat up, basically, like, oh, yeah, he's fought all these top contenders and never beat one? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Your brain is just minced meat, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yep, and you're getting hit more than you're hitting. | ||
| It's way higher stakes than the comedy part. | ||
| And you don't last long. | ||
| We know guys as comics that are doing okay that have been doing okay for 10 years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is not the case with fighting. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you're doing okay 10 years later, you're fucked. | ||
| You're really fucked, yeah. | ||
| You probably got vision problems, brain damage problems, joint problems, back problems. | ||
| Neck problems. | ||
| Talking to some of the... | ||
| I've talked to a few fighters that are a little older now, and when you start talking to someone, you're like, fuck. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'm seeing the brain damage right in front of me. | ||
| That's a scary thing. | ||
| You see it, and then you see them a couple years later, and it's way worse. | ||
| And one of the things that happens is all their words sort of jumble together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like they... | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What did you just say? | ||
| I don't know what you just said. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| And it just, it gets worse, and it gets worse, and then they keep fighting, and it gets worse. | ||
| And then one day, you know, they're, you know, they have to do some sort of therapy. | ||
| They have to do something. | ||
| They have to figure out how to get by. | ||
| And, you know, a lot of these guys are severely depressed, too, because... | ||
| If you're not supplementing your hormones, most likely just due to getting hit in the head a bunch of times, your endocrine system shuts down. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's a real problem with football players, a real problem with soldiers. | ||
| A lot of soldiers, especially door breachers, they stand back, boom! | ||
| That impact of that is just rattling your dome. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| And over and over and over again, a lot of these guys wind up needing testosterone therapy. | ||
| That's one of the... | ||
| Great things that Dr. Mark Gordon has done with his Warrior Angel Foundation is provide these people medical relief, and he's done a lot of it for free. | ||
| Like fighters? | ||
| Yeah, fighters, but also a lot of soldiers. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And with Andrew Marr, they've been on the podcast a couple times. | ||
| They set up this foundation, this Warrior Angels Foundation, to take care of these guys. | ||
| And one of the big things is their hormones are all gone. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, your brain just stops. | ||
| You get rattled. | ||
| Like we were talking last night about This boxer that I know who fought a bunch of wars in the early 2000s and now he's zero testosterone. | ||
| He's constantly depressed. | ||
| He's in agony. | ||
| Your body stops producing it. | ||
| It's just because it's so damaged. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| It's your pituitary gland. | ||
| Your pituitary gland is like this little tiny thing in there and you get rattled a few times and it just stops working right. | ||
| I did a podcast with a guy who played in the NFL who I played against in high school. | ||
| Keith Evans. | ||
| And I told him, I was like, because my football memories stop there. | ||
| It was done at high school. | ||
| I was like, you know, hitting you is so clear to me. | ||
| I still remember how different it was than hitting other people, you know? | ||
| Because it felt like a fucking bank vault door slammed into you, you know? | ||
| I mean, he played on a shitty team, and so we always beat them, but he would always have the craziest game. | ||
| We're like, fuck this guy's... | ||
| An animal, you know? | ||
| And it felt like a tank. | ||
| Like a tank. | ||
| Like just a door slammed in your face. | ||
| And even if you were in the backfield and you tackled him, you were like, fuck me, man. | ||
| He was just different. | ||
| I mean, obviously he was different. | ||
| He went on to play 10 seasons in the NFL. Imagine if you're a guy that's built like that and you don't want to do that, but that's the best avenue for you to make money because you're just built like a gorilla. | ||
| So many guys like that. | ||
| I mean, that end up are probably like... | ||
| There's only a percentage that go, I love this more than anything. | ||
| A lot of them, it is that. | ||
| Like, this is the thing that I'm going to make a living doing. | ||
| And also, I'm going to make a crazy living at 22, which is so crazy. | ||
| Don't you have more respect for... | ||
| For that now, as you're an older, more mature guy, you go like, can you imagine handing me a check at 22 for like 19 million dollars? | ||
| If I got a check for $1,900 when I was 22, I was like, oh my god, I'm rich! | ||
| I remember being in my 20s being like, these guys just, why are you spending all that money? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| I'm 41 and I'm like, oh yeah. | ||
| Well, just fame. | ||
| Imagine being a famous... | ||
| One of the things that I've realized... | ||
| You're a kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| From doing this podcast, talking to a lot of people like Demi Lovato or Miley Cyrus or any of these people that... | ||
| Super famous. | ||
| Rob Lowe. | ||
| People that grew up famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not just super famous, but super famous with their kids. | ||
| As a child, yeah. | ||
| Demi Lovato was on Barney the Dinosaur when she was seven. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's a crazy thing to do to your children. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And you don't ever get that back. | ||
| No. | ||
| You can't imagine what it's like to be a normal person because you've never been a normal person and you can never be a normal person. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Your developmental cycle you went through while being stupendously famous. | ||
| Which is nuts. | ||
| It's terrible for them. | ||
| Demi was fucking hilarious, man. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| She was really funny. | ||
| She was talking about what a cunt she was when she was a kid, because her parents would tell her, like, you're grounded. | ||
| She's like, bitch, I pay the fucking bills. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| But she was funny about it. | ||
| She called herself a cunt. | ||
| Yeah, that's funny. | ||
| It was really funny. | ||
| But she's very aware of what she went through. | ||
| She's aware that it's kind of crazy, and now she's trying to sort it all out and figure out who she is. | ||
| I can't imagine taking either one of my sons and being like, you have an audition. | ||
| I want you to get on this show. | ||
| I realize, whatever. | ||
| I know guys that are going nuts. | ||
| They're in their 40s and they're just starting to become famous. | ||
| Or in their 50s. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just starting to become famous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Starting to lose it? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Their ego's out of control. | ||
| They always want to talk about their career. | ||
| They always want to talk about people that are attacking them. | ||
| They're engaging with people online. | ||
| I think we know some of the same people. | ||
| I think we do, too. | ||
| People that get completely wrapped up in that world where it's just the trappings of fame. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| Some of those people, maybe all of those people, just they don't have enough stuff that grounds them. | ||
| When you realize how lucky we are to have families and real friends, that shit really fucking contributes to a quality of life. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| And also, some of those guys, and whatever, girls too, but I'm just saying guys I know, Where you're like, you do a really bad job of surrounding yourself with the wrong people, man. | ||
| They don't see that their surroundings are negative. | ||
| Well, you know what happens? | ||
| One of the things that happens with a lot of those guys that we're talking about is that they want to be, air quotes, the man. | ||
| Or the woman, right? | ||
| So what happens is they surround themselves with people who are kind of like sycophants. | ||
| They're not peers, right? | ||
| One of the things that I think has always been cool about our group of friends is that we're all peers. | ||
| We're all doing great. | ||
| Everyone, whether it's Bert, you, Ari, Diaz, everyone's doing great. | ||
| Everyone has successful podcasts. | ||
| Everyone does successful tours. | ||
| We can hang out and talk shop. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And if we do shows together, we're really kind of doing it because it's fun to do together. | ||
| It's fun, yeah. | ||
| But there's a lot of guys that don't do that. | ||
| They bring these people that are subpar with them everywhere they go. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I learned that firsthand, going on tour with you, with Russell Peters, even with Jay Moore, where it's like, you guys would bring people, and you're like, I hope you kill. | ||
| Like, kill hard. | ||
| And then you go, oh, and then the show is over, and people go like, that was a front-to-back killer show. | ||
| And then I always remembered that, that you want the show to be awesome. | ||
| Yeah, I learned that from, well, I kind of figured it out from shame. | ||
| I wanted people to bomb, and then I was just embarrassed with myself that I wanted people to bomb. | ||
| And that wasn't even when I was going on the road. | ||
| That was when I was in Boston, and I was in my 20s. | ||
| You wanted them to bomb. | ||
| I wanted them to bomb. | ||
| I didn't want them to do good. | ||
| I wanted to do good. | ||
| I wanted it all for me. | ||
| And then I realized, why are you even doing this? | ||
| You got into comedy because you love comedy, and now you want to be the only one who does comedy good? | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| And then I realized, oh, I'm weak. | ||
| I'm just being a bitch. | ||
| And then I sort of equated it to martial arts, whereas... | ||
| With martial arts, you must have good training partners. | ||
| This is the only way you get good. | ||
| You have to have, especially when you're mirroring yourself on these other people that you're training with, the higher level of gyms or schools always produce the higher level of competitors consistently because these people always saw these killers in the gym and they go, oh, that's what I have to do to be elite. | ||
| I have to be as good as that guy. | ||
| Whereas if you were at a school where you were the top dog and everybody you were sparring against was a scrub, you had this distorted perception of what you could do. | ||
| Particularly for striking. | ||
| It's very important for striking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you have to have a real understanding of timing, like how fast someone is and how hard someone can hit and what's dangerous and what's not. | ||
| And some guys just didn't have that because they were in... | ||
| So I realized that from... | ||
| I had that in martial arts, but now I didn't want that in comedy. | ||
| And why didn't I want that in comedy? | ||
| Well, it was because I was weak. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so shame made me recognize, like, this is terrible. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| Just terrible at it. | ||
| And then you realize all these years later that, like, the best nights at the store or even on the road were the nights where, like, somebody created that wave and then everybody rode it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And everybody just fucking destroyed. | ||
| And you're like, that's the most fun night. | ||
| I learned that from working with Diaz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because nobody wanted to work with Diaz. | ||
| Like, when Diaz, before Diaz really became, you know, air quotes, Joey Diaz, like, everybody knows him now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was working with him in the late 90s, nobody wanted to follow Diaz. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I knew that that would be probably the best way to get really tight as a comedian was to always do shows with him because he would kill so fucking hard. | ||
| And then you could just... | ||
| If you were laughing, if you enjoyed it, you would ride the wave. | ||
| But if you were nervous, then you would eat shit. | ||
| That's really... | ||
| That's very true. | ||
| That lesson still holds true in all comedy. | ||
| If you're nervous about the guy in front of you and you get worked up about... | ||
| Oh my God, the crowd. | ||
| Oh my God, they love him. | ||
| Oh, he's killing. | ||
| You're going to fucking eat dicks. | ||
| You're going to eat shit. | ||
| And then if you're enjoying it, you really do ride it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've had some terrible moments where I ate shit, and it was always because I was thinking more about eating shit than I was about enjoying this person's act and laughing and going out and having... | ||
| Because if someone's really funny, you're laughing before you go on stage. | ||
| This is the perfect frame of mind. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Because you want to be... | ||
| This is true for acting, too. | ||
| I talked to Shea Wiggum about this, that the best acting, he said, comes from... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Relaxed, but focused. | ||
| But you're loose. | ||
| You're loose, but you're focused. | ||
| And I was like, oh, with stand-up, that's true, too. | ||
| You want to be loose, but focused. | ||
| You don't want to be tight. | ||
| You don't want to be too loose where you're not even thinking about what's going on. | ||
| But you want to have it in your mind, but you don't want to be... | ||
| You want to feel like, alright man, this is going to be... | ||
| But you're locked into what you're going to do. | ||
| But you're locked in. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
| That's a great way to describe it. | ||
| Loose but focused. | ||
| I think my best sets have come with that kind of mentality. | ||
| I'm pretty loose, but I'm dialed into what I'm doing. | ||
| And I'm coming off of maybe last weekend I did six, seven shows, and then I've done four this week, and I'm dialed in, and I'm loose. | ||
| I'm like, I know what I'm doing. | ||
| Yeah, I imagine... | ||
| I mean, I've never been much of a runner, really. | ||
| Especially not a distance runner. | ||
| Run hills and shit, but... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I always imagine that, like, it's the same kind of thing. | ||
| Like, if you're gonna run marathons, you gotta run all the fucking time to be able to do a three-minute marathon. | ||
| Or a three-hour marathon, rather. | ||
| So I think that's sort of the same thing with stand-up. | ||
| You've got to do a lot of stand-up to get loose at stand-up. | ||
| So I just had my first back-to-back weekend a couple weeks ago in a year and a half. | ||
| I used to just tour, tour, tour. | ||
| I'm so used to being on the road all the time. | ||
| And I did Phoenix and then Omaha. | ||
| And then by the fifth show in Omaha, I was like, this feels like 2019. Yeah, you're back. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I felt like really improved. | ||
| Are you doing clubs? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Yeah, I'm doing clubs. | ||
| Getting loose. | ||
| Getting loose. | ||
| And I'm supposed to, I mean, if everything continues to improve, inshallah, then I'll announce big dates later in the year. | ||
| I hope it all happens, man. | ||
| I'm so excited to get back out there, man. | ||
| Coming back. | ||
| But the clubs are fun. | ||
| They're really fun right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like, most of the clubs I've been doing are like three-quarters capacity. | ||
| They're all excited to be out. | ||
| I'm excited to be up there. | ||
| It's the most fucking fun time I've had in a while, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And these Spanish shows were the shit, dude. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| It's so cool that you could do that, that you have that capacity, that you could not just speak Spanish, but you could do stand-up in Spanish. | ||
| I mean, it's taken a lot of work, a lot more work than I thought. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is it the same bits? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Some, like right now I'm doing probably 45 minutes in Spanish, and in English I'm doing like 60, and some of it's stuff that I didn't do in specials, some of it's brand new stuff translated, and some of it's older stuff that I've never flushed out, and I'm doing it in Spanish, so it's like a mix of everything. | ||
| It's not the exact set I'm doing in English, But, like, the crowds have that feel. | ||
| You know when you go abroad, like you go to Australia, and it's hard to explain, like, to articulate that you feel their appreciation that you came that far? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I did Australia last year, and I felt like... | ||
| I was like, every time I go, it's hard to explain. | ||
| There's no one saying it. | ||
| But you feel like they're going, like, thank you for coming this far. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The Spanish shows, I'm doing it to obviously, like, these... | ||
| Latino audiences and it's like the same kind of feeling. | ||
| They so appreciate that you're doing it for them in Spanish. | ||
| It's a pretty cool thing to experience. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| How many people can fucking do that? | ||
| I mean, yeah, I mean, a few. | ||
| How many? | ||
| I mean, let's see, well, Richard Villa, who was opening the show, he's done it. | ||
| I'm sure that... | ||
| Oh, you've got to get a Spanish opener, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And I brought Christina Sanchez, so the two of them opened the show. | ||
| And, I mean, who's bilingual? | ||
| Like, Felipe Esparza did English and Spanish special. | ||
| I'm sure Gabriel could do it. | ||
| But it's definitely a handful. | ||
| It's not like tons and tons of people. | ||
| Yeah, there's probably like a dozen on Earth. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| That's pretty wild. | ||
| That's so wild. | ||
| You know who's fucking super, like speaking of this kind of thing, is Eddie Izzard. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| With like fucking English, French, and German. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's just like... | ||
| Learning German to do stand-up in it. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Very unusual person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Prefers to be called she now. | ||
| Yeah, sorry. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it's still Eddie. | ||
| So it's like, I did, I'll just say Eddie. | ||
| I did Eddie's show when she was running, I don't know how many marathons back to back. | ||
| That's a unique human being. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like 50 in 50 days? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For the second time, because I remember when that was a few years ago. | ||
| I was like, what do you mean? | ||
| I didn't even understand that somebody could do that. | ||
| But not only that, how about do it without training? | ||
| Like, not in shape. | ||
| So this... | ||
| Toes falling apart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then... | ||
| I think you just say Eddie's brain, because when I say her brain, because Eddie still likes girls. | ||
| Eddie does? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Eddie fancies the ladies. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| As Eddie describes it. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Hey, whatever, man. | ||
| When you're that funny, when you're that talented and that driven, nobody gives a shit. | ||
| Because it doesn't seem like a gimmick. | ||
| It's just that's who Eddie is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Oh, 26th day, 26th marathon. | ||
| Is this now? | ||
| Oh, this is 10 weeks ago. | ||
| This is when I was on the show. | ||
| Did Eddie have implants? | ||
| Get implants? | ||
| It looks like it, doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yep, I guess so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| All right. | ||
| Nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| People are different. | ||
| People are different, man. | ||
| No, why not, man? | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| It's a weird thing to do all these goddamn marathons. | ||
| That is wild. | ||
| In your 50s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a lot of pounding on the joints. | ||
| And, you know, it's obviously amazing when anyone does it, like Cam does it, and Goggins, and you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| You ran 100 miles? | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| But at least those guys live that insane lifestyle. | ||
| But Eddie's not... | ||
| Comic. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What'd you do this year? | ||
| I ran 50 marathons. | ||
| What'd you do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The fuck? | |
| Well, this is that Bert's thing. | ||
| He wanted to do 1,000 miles in a year. | ||
| He did that last year. | ||
| And then he upped it to 2,000. | ||
| He was like, I think I overshot. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| He runs so much, but his belly just keeps getting bigger. | ||
| It's all related to diet. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Well, I mean, like, you know, he is working out. | ||
| And he is running. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's definitely all diet. | ||
| And he knows it, too. | ||
| But that video of you guys when you were playing basketball and you see his pregnant belly? | ||
| That was his biggest. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Ever? | ||
| Well, one of, because I remember we were talking about it, and he said that... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| The hair doesn't grow in between those two zones. | ||
| Isn't that strange? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does he shave that? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| What is that weird gap? | ||
| There's a weird gap. | ||
| Peak male physique, man. | ||
| Yeah, he just, you know, it's wine on the treadmill, wine at night, bottles of wine. | ||
| He'll drink like two bottles of wine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And he'll eat, like, he is like a fucking dog, where if you're like, here's a treat, you know? | ||
| What does he do, an ice bath? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's just moving. | ||
| We were podcasting a couple weeks ago, and in the middle of it, I just hand him a chocolate that's wrapped up. | ||
| He's like, what is it? | ||
| He was telling a story. | ||
| He's like, what is this? | ||
| And I go, it's like a Spanish treat. | ||
| And he was like, oh. | ||
| And he just starts unwrapping. | ||
| And he's like, what? | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Like, he just got so distracted by the treat, you know? | ||
| And that's how he is. | ||
| Like, if you bring any treat, pizza, anything in the room, his brain just switches. | ||
| You see it. | ||
| What drives me crazy is he's on high blood pressure medication. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And he just was like, well, I'm on the medication. | ||
| Might as well just keep doing exactly what I'm doing. | ||
| At least he goes to the doctor, you know? | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| I talked to someone last night who, I'll just spare them, but who's older than us, and he's like, you know, I haven't been to the doctor in 35 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And I go, you said that like it's cool, like you're bragging about it, man. | ||
| Talking about Stanhope? | ||
| No. | ||
| Different person. | ||
| But I was like, you know that's not a great thing. | ||
| He was like, yeah, 35 years. | ||
| And I go, you're not worried about this X, Y, and Z? He's like, oh yeah, my brother-in-law's got colon cancer. | ||
| I go, how do you think he found out? | ||
| Found out the doctor. | ||
| You needed to get checkups, man. | ||
| I was talking to a guy with colon cancer. | ||
| You know how he found out? | ||
| He was shitting blood for 10 years. | ||
| Ten years? | ||
| Ten years. | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| Yeah, he ran a marathon, and when he was running a marathon, blood was squirting out of his asshole while he was running the marathon. | ||
| Dude, come on. | ||
| Like, he'd stop, drop his pants, take his shit in the woods, leave a big puddle of blood, keep running. | ||
| Is he alive? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you get chemo, surgery, the whole deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's like 10 years of shitting blood? | ||
| That never woke you up? | ||
| How about 10 days of shitting blood? | ||
| How about 10 hours of shitting blood? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'll be like, yo, what's that? | |
| Blood out of your asshole is always a sign. | ||
| I panic when I eat beet salad. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And I forget. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I had beet juice one time, and I was like, I have stomach cancer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was certain of it. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And those people who do that are, you know, it's like a denial avoidance thing. | ||
| Like, if I don't go, I won't know that anything's bad. | ||
| Yeah, and they just feel something weird. | ||
| And I'm sure it's related to some childhood trauma. | ||
| Like holding your poop? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The guy that works for me doesn't. | ||
| He poops once a month. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I swear to God! | ||
| Is this Lindsay? | ||
| No, any. | ||
| Any poops like once a month. | ||
| And I go, what are you talking about, man? | ||
| And he's like, he hates shitting. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| And it's all related to like some story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then he, you know, like I'll be like, we were having a meeting. | ||
| I was like, when did you shit last? | ||
| He's like, I don't know. | ||
| I go... | ||
| This week? | ||
| And he was like, no, I haven't shit this week. | ||
| And I go, did you shit last week? | ||
| He was like, no. | ||
| And then I asked him, what's it like when you do shit? | ||
| Oh my god, that must be madness. | ||
| He's like, it is fucking, he's like, rail thin. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he's like, it's like six flushes, and like, you know, he's like, the fucking whole apartment stinks. | ||
| It's like, it's a real disaster, man. | ||
| Wasn't Ari like that? | ||
| Ari had that. | ||
| I think it was on your podcast he told those nasty stories. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I was with Joe. | ||
| It's here. | ||
| It was here. | ||
| It was at Cap City. | ||
| I was at Cap City working with you. | ||
| We're here with Ari and Redman. | ||
| Oh, in the fucking Homer Simpson's mouth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I pulled Brian aside and I was like, hey man, this is really, really terrifying. | ||
| And like, that guy's gonna die. | ||
| And he was like, I go, please don't tell him. | ||
| And he was like, okay. | ||
| And I walk on stage and I get back and Ari's like, are you worried about my asshole? | ||
| And I go, yeah, I've never seen anything like that, man. | ||
| I go, are you not worried about that? | ||
| I mean, it was like prolapsed, hanging out of him. | ||
| I go, he goes, I just put like a tissue in there. | ||
| And I was like, I mean, this is some shit that I've never heard of, seen, experienced, and how are you not worried? | ||
| He was like, no, not worried about it. | ||
| He's mumbled something. | ||
| I was like, dude, you have to go to a doctor. | ||
| He was going through a rough batch. | ||
| But that was a real... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's alarming to see. | ||
| It was not good. | ||
| No. | ||
| It was the most cartoonish hemorrhoids. | ||
| It didn't look like any asshole I'd seen before, and I'd seen a few. | ||
| Never seen anything like it. | ||
| Yeah, I remember we were like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| And he showed it to us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, it looked like someone had put a vacuum to his asshole, sucked it out, and was like, check this out. | ||
| Like someone gave his asshole fake lips. | ||
| Yes, injected his asshole lips. | ||
| Speaking of prolapsed assholes, that was one of the videos that you sent me that I was like, what in the fuck am I looking at? | ||
|
unidentified
|
One of the videos that they- You wrote back to me, you go, do you play this on your show? | |
| And I was like, yeah. | ||
| These two dudes were fisting each other. | ||
| And the craziness. | ||
| Their body had turned inside out like a sock. | ||
| And it was sticking out of their asshole. | ||
| And then this guy is rubbing their two assholes together. | ||
| So this guy had these two dudes' butts left to right. | ||
| And then he was fisting them. | ||
| Both. | ||
| And then he pulls out and their insides come out with them. | ||
| And one guy, you were saying, the doctor who saw the video said he's- Our doctor friend was like, that guy's 15 minutes from being dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like the purple coloration. | ||
| He was like, that guy could be dead for sure in a few minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many guys die from fisting? | ||
| Google that. | ||
| Let's look at this up. | ||
| How many guys... | ||
| Why are you moaning like that? | ||
| I don't think that's reported. | ||
| All the things we've talked about on this podcast? | ||
| In order for me... | ||
| I'm going to get in trouble later for looking this shit up. | ||
| Duck, duck, go, bro. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Stop using Google. | ||
| Use Signal, man. | ||
| Spies. | ||
| You know they hear that Zuckerberg got busted using Signal? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was using Signal. | ||
| Is this an app? | ||
| Yeah, Signal's an app. | ||
| But he owns WhatsApp. | ||
| Oh, right, Facebook. | ||
| But WhatsApp is taking... | ||
| Facebook gets the data from WhatsApp. | ||
| It's not really secure. | ||
| He's like, I'm doing dirty shit here. | ||
| Are you going to really report that you died from... | ||
| I think you can't, but how's that going to... | ||
| There might be a stat on it, though. | ||
| We should probably know how many people died doing BMX jumps, how many people died fisting. | ||
| It's probably... | ||
| It's risky activity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many people do you think? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| I think it's... | ||
| Let me guess. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I'm going to guess a year? | ||
| A year. | ||
| Worldwide? | ||
| Worldwide. | ||
| That we know about, it's got to be, it's definitely triple digits. | ||
| Triple digits? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| But see, the thing is, reported. | ||
| Because it definitely happens more than is reported. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 100 people plus. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Die in fisting accidents. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of people. | ||
| 7 billion people. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Probably 8 now, right? | ||
| 7 and change, yeah. | ||
| I don't know how to even find this. | ||
| Well, what are you doing, Jamie? | ||
| Stop being scared of your Google. | ||
| Look, whatever Google search you have, I'm responsible for it. | ||
| I'm with the DuckDuckGo now, so I'm trying to think really hard, how would you find this answer? | ||
| How many people die from fisting every year? | ||
| That doesn't work. | ||
| Fisting deaths per year. | ||
| How about fisting deaths 2020? | ||
| That's a rough year for fisting. | ||
| Maybe we have less suicides because more people were dying fisting. | ||
| What if the word instead of fisting is just like anal trauma deaths, you know? | ||
| No, let's find out fisting first. | ||
| Let's not sell ourselves short. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You know, we're going to negotiate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'll start out with a real high bid. | ||
| We'll work our way down. | ||
| What you got, Jamie? | ||
| I mean, it doesn't even want to tell me. | ||
| It's like heat-related deaths. | ||
| Are you sure you don't want to say car-related deaths? | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Okay, let's ask Siri. | ||
| How many people die from fisting every year? | ||
| I didn't find anything on the web for how many people die from fisting every year. | ||
| They're trying to keep this from us, man. | ||
| You really didn't find anything, Siri? | ||
| Lying, bitch. | ||
| They're trying to keep this from us. | ||
| Try again. | ||
| What would I say? | ||
| I mean, I have one report of a vaginal fisting as a cause of death. | ||
| Not anal and not male. | ||
| I mean, it's just like in a journal, on a medical journal, where they actually wrote the whole report about how it happened. | ||
| That's a weird thing to do studies on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I went and watched a bunch of surgeries one day, and they were all vaginal dick surgeries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, boy. | |
| This is for your show? | ||
| Nope, when I was a freshman in high school. | ||
| Why'd you do that? | ||
| Because I thought I wanted to be a doctor. | ||
| I didn't know I was dumb. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I went to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, and my uncle, who was a urologist, sent me up with the urology department there. | ||
| I saw 13 operations, and the first one at like 7 or 8 a.m. | ||
| was like dragging. | ||
| I just see this lady's legs, you know, spread wide open and this just old loose puss, you know, and the guy, he goes, uh, hey man, don't say anything about, you know, what's down there because she's awake. | ||
| And I was like, oh, okay. | ||
| And then he went in there and he was like, oh my God. | ||
| And he had found, like, a softball-sized cyst in there. | ||
| And he was like, this is so notable, the size. | ||
| We need to document this for, you know, journals and stuff. | ||
| So they brought in another crew with cameras, took pictures of it, measuring it. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then they punctured it and it was just like oozing and I was like... | ||
| Smell. | ||
| I didn't get the smell. | ||
| I didn't get the... | ||
| But the visual was incredible. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| And then he's just talking to her. | ||
| He's like, how you doing up there? | ||
| She's like, good. | ||
| He's like, we're taking some pictures. | ||
| And she's like, okay. | ||
| How old was the lady? | ||
| Uh, like 80. Oh, Jesus! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Softball side cyst in the cooch when you're 80 years old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Enormous. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Still have that visual. | ||
| Cists are weird, man. | ||
| They are. | ||
| They are. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| Why is that... | ||
| And it's still... | ||
| That's still unanswered. | ||
| Like, a lot of them, they're like, oh, just up your body. | ||
| It was like, yeah, we're just gonna keep a fatty deposit right here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| What caused it? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| It doesn't go away. | ||
| No. | ||
| You can have it removed. | ||
| Some people have them on their heads. | ||
| You know you follow Dr. Pimple Popper? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can roll your eyes and look down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of that stuff. | ||
| I will go on her page once every couple of weeks or so and just get lost for like 15 minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What the fuck? | ||
| It's satisfying. | ||
| Some of them are really satisfying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Real satisfying. | ||
| Why is it satisfying to watch them pop zits? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And some of those like cysts, you're like, what? | ||
| And you ever see the guy, like you know you're saying like 10 years I shit blood? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there'll be like a growth on someone's- Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, is there a football under your shoulder or something? | ||
| And then he's like, I'm getting it removed today. | ||
| How long did you wait, man? | ||
| Well, how about those dudes whose balls grow up the size of, you know, like literally like a wrecking ball? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like one giant ball of whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hanging between your legs, stretching your sack skin out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then they just eventually have to deal with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, how long are you going to wait? | ||
| Why are you not waiting? | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| That's got to be mental illness. | ||
| If you have like a hundred pound scrotum, you're like, well, you know. | ||
| There's a lot of those guys. | ||
| I put it on a shopping cart and I just kind of walk around. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to put it on some sort of a wheelie thing. | ||
| But I don't think you have a sound mind if you're like, that's the solution. | ||
| Just push it around. | ||
| Maybe you're just scared to get your balls cut. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| But they're probably broken anyway. | ||
| I don't think anything could function normally. | ||
| I mean, how are you... | ||
| Imagine his loads, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're shooting 17 shots, that guy's like a fucking Uzi. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Emptying. | |
| It doesn't even squirt out, just pours. | ||
| Pours out, yeah. | ||
| Like a fountain. | ||
| Like one of those little babies. | ||
| You know, the baby on the fountain, the cherub with the water. | ||
| Just a constant stream. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about this guy? | ||
| This guy. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Living with the world's biggest testicles. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They're all chafed and shit. | ||
| See, he's rolling over in bed. | ||
| So, he's scratching them. | ||
| Isn't it weird that YouTube will show the sack skin, but you can't show cock? | ||
| That is so strange. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Like, you show part of that. | ||
| Like, look, I'm looking at this guy's giant sack, and I can't see his pecker. | ||
| This is how he eats. | ||
| I thought he was going to put it on his balls. | ||
| Well, he's got a napkin over his balls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His balls and his kink. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| This poor bastard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Oh, here's another guy. | ||
| That's him. | ||
| Same guy. | ||
| I thought it was a different guy. | ||
| You shaved his head? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You shaved his head? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, there he goes. | ||
| Yikes. | ||
| But, I mean, they can't offer him anything, didn't they? | ||
| We offered him a television show, bro. | ||
| I thought when I was going to get to end this video, it was going to be like he had surgery, but... | ||
| No, we kept the balls to get the show. | ||
| If you've got a choice, what are you going to do? | ||
| You want to be a regular guy? | ||
| You want to be the guy with the biggest balls on TV? Come on, we're on TV. You know that guy in Mexico who had the world's biggest dick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge dick. | |
| But it was, it's really, his penis was inside a growth. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So in other words, it looks like an elephant trunk. | ||
| And they're like, oh, when they did the CAT scan, they're like, no, here's his penis. | ||
| And this is like a, I mean, I'm, you know, not medically getting it right, but it's like a growth of skin over it. | ||
| And they were like, oh, we can actually reduce this and give you, like, you know, quote, a normal penis? | ||
| Didn't want to. | ||
| How big was his dick? | ||
| Like three and a half feet. | ||
| Yeah, you can, I'm sure you can see that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was sorry, but they, uh, Jamie's so scared to Google these things. | |
| You notice? | ||
| Update on this story first. | ||
| Oh, man who had 132 pounds scrotum removed is finally optimistic about the future as he prepares to have more surgery. | ||
| More surgery? | ||
| I like that it says... | ||
| Is that the same dude? | ||
| Yeah, but look, he was removed for free but was still not happy. | ||
| He said his one-inch penis left him with no chance of finding love. | ||
| I'd say your ball bag was kind of preventing it too. | ||
| Wow, but that is madness. | ||
| Imagine you have a huge set of balls and a tiny, tiny, tiny dick. | ||
| Yeah, that's a real small dick, man. | ||
| I had a picture of him with... | ||
| Without it? | ||
| With his dick? | ||
| Oh, there he is. | ||
| Oh, look at him. | ||
| He's fairly normal. | ||
| He doesn't look happy. | ||
| He does not look happy. | ||
| One step at a time. | ||
| Yeah, that Mexican dude, he's Mexican with the penis. | ||
| You'll see. | ||
| And the doctor was like, well, you know, for free. | ||
| Like, to give you, like, a life. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| His thing was not, it wasn't, it was preventing him from doing anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was down to, like, his ankle, man. | ||
| But it was a growth over his penis, and he didn't... | ||
| This is not the guy, right? | ||
| It's someone else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's him. | |
| No, that's him. | ||
| Oh, this article says it's fake. | ||
| No. | ||
| I saw a documentary on that. | ||
| It says it was actually six inches long. | ||
| Mexican man thought to have the world's biggest penis. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| He's accused of exaggerating, as scan shows it's actually only six inches long. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| That's the point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A foot shorter than he claims. | ||
| Six inches is 18.9. | ||
| Because his penis is in that scan. | ||
| Oh, hold on, hold on. | ||
| Go back up. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He stretched it using weights. | ||
| It is now thought to be the world's biggest. | ||
| A radiologist said that Mr. Cabrera's penis is actually only six inches long. | ||
| See, they're obsessed with his penis size. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| They didn't want to... | ||
| Get a giant hog. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| So that's a growth? | ||
| How come it doesn't say that, that it's a growth? | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| So they thought he was carrying something as he went through the airport, remember? | ||
| Yeah, they're like, what is that? | ||
| And they're like, what is that? | ||
| He's like, come grab, come grab, grab. | ||
| But that thing doesn't get hard or anything, man, you know? | ||
| Says who? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| I touched it. | ||
| Maybe it's just you. | ||
| You're just not sexy. | ||
| Put it back up again. | ||
| Let me see that again. | ||
| Oh, he pees out of his foreskin sometimes. | ||
| Yes, man. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Here's the average penis size. | ||
| He'd rather have a penis bigger than the rest of the people. | ||
| Dr. Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez. | ||
| Look at that guy's name. | ||
| Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez. | ||
| In Latin culture, whoever has the biggest penis is more macho. | ||
| It's something that makes him different to the rest of the people and makes him feel special. | ||
| Why'd you even print that? | ||
| Duh. | ||
| Just write duh right there. | ||
| See, he's like, I'm happy with it. | ||
| I am famous because I have the biggest penis in the world. | ||
| I am happy with my penis. | ||
| I know nobody has the size I have. | ||
| The sheer size of Mr. Cabrera's penis causes him a number of health problems, including frequent urinary tract infections because not all his urine escapes his lengthy foreskin. | ||
| He keeps his colossal member wrapped in bandages to escape chafing. | ||
| He's also unable to sleep chest down and has to put his penis on its own pillow to escape discomfort during the night. | ||
| An active sex life is off limits to him as his penis is too much girth to have intercourse. | ||
| That right there makes it not worth it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| Some people ask if I put on condoms on it, and the answer is I cannot. | ||
| I can never penetrate anyone because it's too thick. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| So, where does it say that it's a growth? | ||
| It doesn't say it. | ||
| This is a clickbait? | ||
| No, but the article is like, his penis is inside that growth. | ||
| Hold on, scroll down again. | ||
| It says, I would like to be a porn star, and I think I'd make a lot of money over there, and when people are not like over here, they are more liberal, and they don't care about what I have in my pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay, dude. | ||
| So he wants to go to the U.S. and spend the rest of his life over there with his giant dick. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| There is a lot of women. | ||
| I don't feel sad because I know in the U.S. there is a lot of women. | ||
| One of them will be the right size for me. | ||
| He can find someone that can accommodate that thing. | ||
| But it's a growth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what the scan revealed. | ||
| They're like, oh, his penis is in here. | ||
| And this is a growth that kind of... | ||
| But did he make that growth from getting his dick stretched? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That I don't know. | |
| I don't know about that part. | ||
| I just know that I watched that doc and they were like, yeah dude, you can have a normal life. | ||
| Regular dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He doesn't want the regular dick. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's 54 now and when he was a teenager he started wrapping weights around his penis to make it longer. | ||
| Oh, so he turned it into that thing. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| This practice would place tension on the skin and it got even tears in it. | ||
| His body would naturally repair the small cuts. | ||
| You don't have to do that. | ||
| Naturally repair the small cuts. | ||
| That's what it says. | ||
| And it just gets thick. | ||
| But there are people that do that. | ||
| I've seen little devices they sell online. | ||
| I mean, I didn't go to the website and order it or anything. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I've seen these little things where they strap things to your dick to stretch it out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you can put weights on it, and guys weight their dicks down. | ||
| Dudes get dick injections to, like, thicken it up. | ||
| But I don't know, man. | ||
| That seems real risky. | ||
| It's a tough move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're taking a big chance. | ||
| You're taking a real chance. | ||
| You get an infection in your cack. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| But this is all the kind of stuff that you would have on your mom's house lives. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that fisting... | ||
| Look how you perked up. | ||
| That double fisting video is, I think, in the first one. | ||
| First or second one. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And how'd you guys handle it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not well. | |
| Did you know about it before? | ||
| I did, but no one else did. | ||
| Because it had been sent to me. | ||
| How did Christina handle it? | ||
| Not well. | ||
| She was like, oh, no. | ||
| It turned away. | ||
| I think she might have walked out of the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It didn't go well. | ||
| So the whole program consists of a bunch of different things. | ||
| And how many have you done so far? | ||
| We just did number five. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And so has it evolved over the time that you've been doing that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the latest one was the tightest one. | ||
| I mean, it had a great, like, it had an opening, cold open sketch where I, you know, she was in that, we went to a plastic surgeon and I was like, you need to help me out with this. | ||
| Like, I want her to be a bigger tits. | ||
| So we had like a setup of Cold open, and then when you cut to the live feed, she had all the work done, like the prosthetics and the tattoos, you know? | ||
| So we had a sketch to open it. | ||
| And then we had, like, you know, other segments. | ||
| There was, like, this guy that she had found on TikTok that became, like, somebody that we would play clips of, and she went on, like, a date with him, and we shot that. | ||
| And so that became, like, a sketch on the show. | ||
| So people who are, like, into, like, the YMH world... | ||
| I think if you're like a super fan of it, you know, it's entertaining. | ||
| And then Marcus King Band did a set, so we had that shot. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| He's a fucking badass, man. | ||
| He's a guitar singer, you know, rock star, man, in Nashville. | ||
| And I actually did Conan with him a few years ago, and he's got a baby face. | ||
| And I was like, how old is he? | ||
| Is he like 15? | ||
| And I think he wasn't, like, maybe he was 18 or something. | ||
| I don't know, like, really young. | ||
| And he shreds and sings like a fucking angel. | ||
| One of those people, when you hear him sing, you're like, that voice was put in you. | ||
| That's not like, oh, I'm training to sing like this. | ||
| That's Marcus King. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, he's dope, man. | ||
| And his band is amazing. | ||
| So he played a set for us that we shot. | ||
| We went to Nashville and shot it. | ||
| And then that was part of the YMH Live episode. | ||
| And then we had Chris DiStefano came on, who was hilarious. | ||
| And then we eventually got to the heavy segment, which was like the closer. | ||
| And that's what you wrap up with? | ||
| So it was like three and a half hours live streaming show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And so you bring in guys like Chris DiStefano and different comics? | ||
| Yeah, to sit on the couch. | ||
| Yeah, different couch. | ||
| And one of the earlier ones, my parents Zoomed in, and my mom was trashed. | ||
| And it was amazing. | ||
| Like, she was a mess. | ||
| Dude, when you recorded your mom farting, Oh, yeah. | ||
| Did she forgive you for that? | ||
| Or was she mad at you? | ||
| It cost me a lot of money, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Because when I recorded it, I recorded it, and there's that moment where she sees me in her eyes, but she's like, you aren't like my son anymore. | ||
| And I had it, and the next day I was like, I have to be able to share this video. | ||
| And she was like, are you crazy? | ||
| No way. | ||
| And I go, mom, I have to. | ||
| And she was like, you'll never be my son if you do that. | ||
| And I go, what if I paid you? | ||
| And she was like, how much? | ||
| And I was like, oh, here we go. | ||
| And then the negotiation starts. | ||
| She's like, I want two first-class tickets to Las Vegas. | ||
| I want this. | ||
| I want money to gamble. | ||
| And then I was like, fine. | ||
| And then I can play the video. | ||
| And she's like, I need new luggage. | ||
| And then it was like... | ||
| I mean, it's very Latin mom, believe me. | ||
| Like, there's... | ||
| But... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was just, you know, it's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wouldn't. | |
| I don't know my son anymore. | ||
| So, you just randomly caught her farting like that? | ||
| Dude, so... | ||
| Does she do it all the time? | ||
| Yeah, but usually, like, my whole life. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like, long ass, like, crazy farts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Like, you have long jizz, she has long farts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very incredible. | ||
| It's very Latin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But she, like, her... | ||
| I remember, you know, that's the magic of these, having that icon, the camera icon, is that I had said something to her. | ||
| I was like, oh, you got one cooking? | ||
| Like, you gotta fart? | ||
| I bet you can't fart right now, like, just randomly. | ||
| And I just happened to put my hand, I was like, oh, here's my phone. | ||
| And I just hit camera, and she turned and, like, braced the counter. | ||
| And I'd hit record, and it was, like, magic. | ||
| And I was like, this is a 9.2 second fart. | ||
| And this is really incredible. | ||
| So how much do you think it wound up costing you? | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| I mean, there was plane tickets, hotel, gambling money, luggage. | ||
| And then, like, I bought her, like, nice luggage. | ||
| And then we walked by another store. | ||
| She's like, they have the backpack. | ||
| We match. | ||
| We'll go get the backpack. | ||
| I'm like, I just bought you fucking five new bags. | ||
| She's like, yeah, but I don't have the backpack in the strip. | ||
| So, I mean, probably like $8,000 or something, you know, something like that. | ||
| That seems worth it. | ||
| Totally worth it. | ||
| And then people were like, we want to hear her fart more. | ||
| So I think they set up fartmistress.com as a site to just plead with her to fart more. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| And they were saying they were going to make contributions. | ||
| They were like, let's get basically a fundraiser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fartmistress.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fartmistress.com. | |
| Please encourage Tom's mom to make a fart with us. | ||
| And people would send in messages with this. | ||
| The farting thing, there's a whole fetish group. | ||
| There's guys that are really into farting. | ||
| We talked about it, and we had people wrote in, and they said the theme we saw the most... | ||
| In that, the turn on these guys said was the pretty girl doing the dirty, stinky thing. | ||
| I was like, oh, okay. | ||
| I get it intellectually. | ||
| You're saying she's so beautiful and she's doing this nasty thing. | ||
| That was their kink for it. | ||
| It's a weird kink. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I mean, I imagine that it's probably... | ||
| All those, I think, come from childhood, right? | ||
| Yeah, because some guys like girls to fart on them. | ||
| Like girls to fart in their face and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen those. | ||
| That doesn't do anything for me, though. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Shit, like, all the kinks, I kind of go like... | ||
| Even if it doesn't turn me on, I go, oh, I see... | ||
| When you see, like, people turned on by shit, I'm like, yeah, you lost me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I can't do... | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a weird one. | ||
| There was always this rumor, this famous Hollywood star, who shall remain unnamed, who liked women to do... | ||
| What do they call it when the girl shits on a glass table? | ||
| Yeah, I've heard of this. | ||
| Hot Carl. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Hot Carl was without the table, but there's levels of it. | ||
| Yeah, but there's a thing, like fishbowl or something like that, I forget what it's called, where someone lies on the table, underneath the table, glass table, and they look up and their thing is like watching the girl's asshole open up and just drop a stinky shit right on the table. | ||
| I mean, I can get why you'd watch that, but it doesn't get my dick hard. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| It's a crazy move, man. | ||
| That's when my dick goes... | ||
| It's a weird move. | ||
| Someone taking a shit doesn't do it for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's odd. | ||
| Some guys can't even handle... | ||
| A buddy of mine told me he went over to his girl's house. | ||
| They were about to get nasty. | ||
| And he went to her bathroom and she had a floater. | ||
| And he said he just completely lost interest in having sex with her. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yep. | ||
| Just like, I can't. | ||
| He was like 20-something. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I was going to say this. | ||
| Young and stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But just he had this idea of what this was. | ||
| And then he goes in there and... | ||
| A turd? | ||
| Can't do it. | ||
| Just a floating log. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's life. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| I definitely wouldn't. | ||
| That's fine for me. | ||
| Are you worried that you're going to run out of videos? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't run out of videos. | ||
| You go, you always want to change kind of the theme. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you also don't want certain themes. | ||
| That's why we try to raise the entire production value. | ||
| That's the last segment. | ||
| That was probably a 30 minute thing in a three and a half hour thing. | ||
| What happens is the people who are getting these YMH lives, they go, let's see what you got on the heavy segment. | ||
| When are you doing the next one? | ||
| We're going to... | ||
| We're actually shooting one. | ||
| Like, we're going to shoot it, not stream it live, shoot it and cut it and release it, but we're doing it in front of a live audience, and that'll come out in May. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| And then... | ||
| I think we'll probably take June down and then maybe do one in July. | ||
| Well, when you do one out here, can I sit on the couch? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| I'm in. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're in? | |
| Yeah, I'm in. | ||
| Yeah, I want to do it. | ||
| Done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I will have them find the heaviest. | ||
| I'm already scared. | ||
| Oh, you should be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm already scared. | |
| We'll try to break you. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Please do. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Thanks for being here, brother. | ||
| I'm so excited that you're moving here, too. | ||
| Me, too. | ||
| This was a lot of fun today. | ||
| Yeah, it was really fun. | ||
| It's old school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we've got to talk all those other losers into moving here, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| A lot of them are doing it. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of them are doing it. | ||
| It's not taking a lot of arm twists. | ||
| Well, I can't wait to bring you to what we're going to build. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got a lot of shit happening. | ||
| It's fucking exciting, man. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm really psyched that you're here. | ||
| Me too, man. | ||
| It means a lot. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. |
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