March 17, 2021 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:08:04
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Hello, mate. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| Welcome to Austin, Texas. | ||
| How are you doing? | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| You're a Nashville resident now, huh? | ||
| I am, yeah. | ||
| I'm from there. | ||
| When did you move back? | ||
| It's been six years. | ||
| I started in Chicago. | ||
| I moved from Nashville to Chicago first, and then New York for about nine years, and then LA for a couple. | ||
| And I started touring on the road a lot more, and then I moved back to Nashville. | ||
| It was the first, what I thought to myself, the first unselfish thing I did for my family in comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was being gone so much. | ||
| We have an eight-year-old. | ||
| I mean, at the time, we had a two-year-old. | ||
| And so I was like, just leaving them, you know? | ||
| And I was like, eh, let's just go. | ||
| But when I first moved back, I didn't tell anybody. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I was afraid people would think I'd quit comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha! | |
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Like you can only do comedy in a couple places. | ||
| Yeah, I was so scared. | ||
| I had my buddy Rory Scoville. | ||
| I moved, didn't tell him. | ||
| And he came to Nashville and I was like, hey, I'll pick you up at the airport. | ||
| I'm at my parents' house. | ||
| And then I picked him up and drove to my home. | ||
| And I was like, I've been gone for six months. | ||
| Because I realized you weren't seeing anybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if you're on the road a lot, it almost doesn't matter where you live as long as you have a workout room. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And you, Zany's, is that your spot? | ||
| I use Zany's, but I would do, Zany's is my workout room. | ||
| I started changing where I really started working out on the road. | ||
| Like, it was doing, just constantly touring. | ||
| And so I liked building the act, you know, in that long format, like doing that hour. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Like I'm doing it right now. | ||
| And so like having to build it where I would always eye open with new and I like to see how far I can get. | ||
| And then so I can have some kind of gauge. | ||
| So you're open with new? | ||
| Yeah, because you're the most excited about it. | ||
| Right, it's fresh. | ||
| It's fresh and like and usually your audiences will give you the most grace at the top. | ||
| So you can kind of be like, I'm excited about them. | ||
| I'm the most excited about these jokes. | ||
| I'm going to get a little grace from them because they're excited that you're coming out. | ||
| So I do that. | ||
| And then I can get a real timing. | ||
| Because one time I mixed in old and new after a special. | ||
| And I remember a guy afterwards being like, I did all old stuff. | ||
| And I was like, no, I did half new. | ||
| Because it's mixed in, they don't know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so that way, if I do, if I open with it, I mean, I'll even, like, after a special, if I got 40 new and I have to close with 20 from the special, I'll tell the crowd. | ||
| I was like, all right, that's all the new jokes I got. | ||
| And then they feel like, oh. | ||
| Then afterwards, they're like, well, I got so many new jokes. | ||
| And they feel great about it. | ||
| It's an interesting change of thought process between the old guard and the newer comics that are doing specials on a regular basis. | ||
| Like the olden days, guys would keep an act forever. | ||
| They'd keep an act for 10, 15, 20 years. | ||
| I mean, it was... | ||
| So when I started, I moved to... | ||
| Actually, I have a story with you about first starting. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You were responsible for basically the first time I ever went on stage. | ||
| I mean, almost in a comedy. | ||
| I think Zany Chicago might have been the first actual club I went to. | ||
| It was either that or the comedy store. | ||
| So I was friends with a buddy of mine, Josh Baker. | ||
| He was in the band Prom Kings. | ||
| Do you remember band? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so we came out to L.A. to hang out with him. | ||
| And so they knew you. | ||
| I think it's 2003 or 2004, and I've been doing comedy maybe a year. | ||
| And so we come out, and then you invite us to the show at the comedy store. | ||
| So we come watch you. | ||
| We sit in the front row. | ||
| I remember all this stuff that's like a nightmare as a comedy. | ||
| Now when you think back, then I didn't care. | ||
| Had you been thinking about doing it already? | ||
| I already started. | ||
| I moved to Chicago. | ||
| So I was in Chicago with Hannibal and Pete Holmes and TJ Miller and Kumail. | ||
| That was kind of the group that was in Chicago. | ||
| So we went from Chicago to LA to go just visit. | ||
| And so we hung out with them. | ||
| We go to your show. | ||
| You introduced them at one of their shows. | ||
| Because I guess you were good friends with the band. | ||
| Or you like this band. | ||
| And so you introduced them. | ||
| And I remember I talked to you. | ||
| Afterwards, we were at the show, and I'm talking about comedy. | ||
| I'm a new comic, so I don't even really know what to ask. | ||
| You were very, very nice. | ||
| And then we go watch you, and then you said, are you going to go up at the comedy store? | ||
| I was like, it was when you had to sign up for the open mic the week later. | ||
| So you signed up for the Monday to go up the next week. | ||
| And I was like, well, I'm not going to be here. | ||
| And you go, oh, I'll call. | ||
| And then you got me on stage. | ||
| You called and said, hey, he's just in town doing this. | ||
| I'm a year comic. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It worked out. | ||
| It worked out, dude. | ||
| They brought me up. | ||
| They go, this next comic's one of Joe Rogan's best friends. | ||
| And they were... | ||
| I mean, the other comics are just furious, and I'm like, I don't... | ||
| I was like, we met him last night. | ||
| He's a very nice guy. | ||
| That's a funny thing, man. | ||
| Those little nudges and little pieces of good criticism or good praise from a comic when you're starting out, that can go so far. | ||
| So far. | ||
| I remember to this day, Lenny Clark. | ||
| I'd done stand-up. | ||
| I'd done it for like a year, and I'd gotten paid one time before. | ||
| This is the second time I ever got paid. | ||
| And I opened up for Lenny Clark in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. | ||
| I think I've done this show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| This gig, yeah. | ||
| Is it Jay's? | ||
| Jay's in Pittsfield? | ||
| Was it in a hotel? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I've done a Pittsfield mask. | ||
| It was like a nightclub. | ||
| It was like one of the best road gigs. | ||
| It was a three-hour drive from Boston, but it was one of those road gigs where everybody would get excited. | ||
| And this was after Lenny had been on HBO. He was on the Rodney Dangerfield Young Comedian Special, whatever Rodney called it. | ||
| And so just being around him was crazy. | ||
| And then opening for him was even more crazy. | ||
| And then after I got off stage, he was like, kid, you're really funny! | ||
| Like with that crazy Boston accent. | ||
| Man, that powered me through like years. | ||
| Through years. | ||
| I was like, oh man, I'm doing this. | ||
| Like I'm never quitting now. | ||
| Like Lenny Clark said I'm funny? | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| It's gigantic. | ||
| Like that was you doing that at that time. | ||
| A, I knew the comedy store, but it's not like I even really... | ||
| And then it was like going to New York and then be like, I've already done the comedy store. | ||
| Even though it was the open mic, it was just... | ||
| I saw the world, and I got to see the world. | ||
| And then talking to you at that... | ||
| The band, you were just talking about going up, and you got to go up. | ||
| Stuff that you would say to comics, but it was stuff that I didn't know at that time. | ||
| And you realize that it's enormous. | ||
| Yeah, that's enormous. | ||
| I did that Pittsfield Mass gig... | ||
| uh i because i was in new york i opened up for tony v oh i love tony v yeah and they i was the host got paid 500 bucks it was crazy like i was like this is crazy i've never been paid 500 bucks for it right it's packed it's sold out i mean you just murder And I thought maybe it wasn't a hotel. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| My wife went with me. | ||
| It was a big night. | ||
| They gave me 500 bucks cash. | ||
| I end up, later on that night, I lose the $500. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| It just falls out. | ||
| So the night goes from this amazing night with my wife for 500 bucks to now we're in a fight. | ||
| But I mean, I still think, I tell her every day, because at the time I was like, you ever going to remember this $500? | ||
| Like, I always kind of live by that motto. | ||
| Like, I'll get another $500. | ||
| I bring it up still, I mean, it's been 15 years, and I still just go, you remember that $500? | ||
| Like, just to make that point. | ||
| Tony V gave me a really interesting piece of advice one day because he was telling me that he drove from Boston to New York. | ||
| I think he got a writing gig. | ||
| I forget what the gig was, but he had to travel on a regular basis. | ||
| He was still living in Boston, but he was doing the gig in New York. | ||
| And I go, that's like a three and a half hour drive. | ||
| How often do you do that? | ||
| And it was regular, like multiple times a week. | ||
| And I said, how are you doing that? | ||
| He goes, I just go Zen. | ||
| He goes, I just say, this is what I'm doing now. | ||
| I don't get upset. | ||
| I just say, this is what I'm doing. | ||
| I'm driving. | ||
| And I just think about it that way. | ||
| And I remember thinking like, oh, yeah, you can do that, right? | ||
| You can just say, this is what I'm, instead of going, fuck, I can't believe I'm driving. | ||
| Three and a half hours. | ||
| How much time is left? | ||
| Two hours and 19 minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck! | |
| Instead of thinking like that, you can just drive. | ||
| Just drive. | ||
|
unidentified
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Just do it. | |
| Yeah, it's a great way to, the zen idea of it. | ||
| I can do that with food. | ||
| I eat terrible. | ||
| But sometimes if I'm trying to eat better, it's like, and it's not a lot. | ||
| But you try to think, like, I'm going to eat a decent meal tonight. | ||
| I'm going to have, like, steak and green beans tonight or something, whatever. | ||
| That's all I know that's, like, good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I'm like, real food. | ||
| I'm like, I don't want to be wheat. | ||
| I'm on a salad. | ||
| And I wrap my head around it very early in the day to go, that's what I'm expecting. | ||
| Because I can go the other way. | ||
| And if I think I'm going to eat something bad, and that doesn't happen, I'll lose my mind. | ||
| I don't know if that's Zen. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| You just got to decide this is what you're doing. | ||
| I mean, that's how it is with everything, with exercise, with writing. | ||
| Like, you just got to decide, I'm writing now. | ||
| I'm getting up and I'm writing. | ||
| Are you a word for word? | ||
| Not necessarily, but sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes I write something and it works word for word. | ||
| Most of the time not, though. | ||
| Most of the time what I do is I write essays. | ||
| Like, I'll have a subject that I'm working on, so I have this long... | ||
| Long-form idea like oh, you know, whatever sub coffee, whatever pick a subject, right? | ||
| So as I'm writing I just start writing all the shit about coffee and then out of it somewhere something I go aha I got something and I'll extract that and I'll put it on a separate piece of paper a Separate file. | ||
| Yeah, say this is you know There's something in there. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| Yeah, and then sometimes there is and sometimes there's not and I have Fucking, I don't know how many these files that never went anywhere. | ||
| I'll go back to them and just check, like, panning for gold again. | ||
| What do you got in here? | ||
| Anything? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| And I'll just, every now and then. | ||
| But sometimes bits just come to you on stage, too. | ||
| And you gotta be open to that. | ||
| Like, sometimes you'll be at dinner. | ||
| And someone will say something, you'll have some fucking hilarious retort to that, and you're like, holy shit, that could be a bit. | ||
| My friends do that all the time. | ||
| They'll say something hilarious, and I'm like, dude, you gotta write that down. | ||
| There's something in that. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| And then that can become a bit. | ||
| I had my last special, I have a joke, where I went golfing and a guy saw me with no shirt on. | ||
| And he just said Olivia. | ||
| He thought I was his, he was looking for his elderly wife and saw me with no shirt on. | ||
| And from a distance, he thought we had the same build. | ||
| And he's like, oh, he's like, Olivia. | ||
| So that happened. | ||
| And I opened that. | ||
| But I always think that that's crazy. | ||
| That was a month before I taped that special. | ||
| And that's what I opened the special with. | ||
| Where you have to be open to the idea that you're like, I don't know. | ||
| When it happened, I knew. | ||
| I was like, well, this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. | ||
| I called a couple people on the drive to be like, this is funny, right? | ||
| Make sure you're not a crazy person. | ||
| And then I went and I was going to Tampa, the improv in Tampa. | ||
| And I drove there and I opened with it that night. | ||
| And I was like, this is a new opener on the special. | ||
| Yeah, you never know. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| That's the beautiful thing about creating, about comedy. | ||
| It just comes out of the air. | ||
| It just comes out of your mind. | ||
| And you feel, you get nervous when you, I mean, after a special though, there's definitely moments, like right now, when you're trying to write new stuff and you're like, dude, I might be one of the worst comedians that I've ever lived. | ||
| I think that all the time. | ||
| I think it's one of the great things about comedy that it keeps you humble because you're always a beginner every two years in. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You do a special and then you're a beginner again because you have all this stuff you have to work out. | ||
| And it's really hard. | ||
| During the pandemic, there's only been a few guys that I know that have... | ||
| Burt Kreischer has been the most gangster about it. | ||
| He's toured regularly from the jump. | ||
| He started doing those drive-in movie shows. | ||
| He kind of... | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was Burt's idea to do these drive-in shows. | ||
| I think he started it. | ||
| I did it. | ||
| I did them too. | ||
| I did like 20 of them. | ||
| And yeah, he was, I mean, he would kill them. | ||
| I mean, he's kind of built for that. | ||
| Oh yeah, he's big. | ||
| He was a big act. | ||
| He turns like big energy, big performing, takes his shirt off, everybody honks their horn. | ||
| Dude, I had someone, we go to Butler, PA, it's pretty rough when you see a Ford F-150's lights hit you in the face because they leave early. | ||
| Like, that's the hard part. | ||
| Like, when you're on stage, dude, and it's just truck, these lights just hit you, and he couldn't figure out how to get out, so he's just driving, and you're like, just leave, man. | ||
| You're like, just some... | ||
| You're like, please someone help him get out. | ||
| Like, it's so rough. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's the most inconspicuous or non-inconspicuous leaving ever. | ||
| You're in a fucking truck. | ||
| He's going to start that car and let it warm up. | ||
| He's like, we're going soon. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Those were tough. | ||
| That's what I had to do. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| If you went into it with the right attitude, because I know some comics were like, these are the worst. | ||
| And they are. | ||
| It's not ideal. | ||
| But if you went into it, I go, these people are coming out. | ||
| They haven't been able to do anything. | ||
| What does it matter if my feelings are not? | ||
| I don't feel like I'm getting laughed. | ||
| That's not what it's about. | ||
| And it's about making these people be happy. | ||
| And they did, in Chicago, we did Chicago, it was 500 cars. | ||
| When I walked out, people flashing lights, honking the horns, they honked for laughs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it was like 45 degrees, raining, so they're all in the windows up, and they would kind of just do little beeps. | ||
| That's so weird! | ||
| But you learn that, you know, I just need a response. | ||
| Like the zen idea of it, when you go into it with a better attitude, I'm not mad the whole time I'm up there. | ||
| Did you hear laughs at all? | ||
| There'd be a couple people sitting up front, but not really. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And so you'd hear just some honking and laughing. | ||
| Did it fuck with your timing at all? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, yeah. | ||
| I did 24 minutes of 60-minute material. | ||
| I got off like, oh, that was long right there. | ||
| We barely started. | ||
| I was like, oh, God. | ||
| Did you really do 24 minutes? | ||
| No, my special I did, though. | ||
| I had it timed out to 64 minutes. | ||
| You did have to... | ||
| Figure out how to be like, just trust that they're laughing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And then, so when we did the special, they had everybody, we had to do Universal Studios in California. | ||
| 100 people. | ||
| All of them had to get tested, but then also still had to wear masks during the show. | ||
| And the first night, you taped two shows. | ||
| First show, 64 minutes is what my material was running at the drive-ins. | ||
| First show, I did 43 minutes. | ||
| Wow, how come? | ||
| Because I realized you could hear some laughs, not really much, and you can't see their faces. | ||
| So you just look like you're just looking at eyes. | ||
| And so unless a guy shook because he was laughing so hard... | ||
| I mean, you're just telling a joke just to, like, eyes not moving. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| And it was tough. | ||
| And so the second one, I was like, all right, well, we have to... | ||
| You know, I got off. | ||
| You know when you get off and you're like, that's not... | ||
| That was cool. | ||
| And the second one, did you make them take their masks off? | ||
| No. | ||
| But we had... | ||
| Is it Universal in Hollywood? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Universal Studios, yeah. | ||
| And they... | ||
| So we had... | ||
| They had... | ||
| The crowd... | ||
| The audience had mics on their tables. | ||
| And so he put that in my monitor up a little louder. | ||
| And so I could hear them laugh through the mask. | ||
| Because they're laughing, but it's like, I just can't hear. | ||
| Yeah, it's so frustrating when you're talking to people and they're trying to give you directions or explain something and you're just leaning in. | ||
| I just pull it down and go, what's that? | ||
| What the fuck are you saying? | ||
| You come around the plastic. | ||
| You go around it and pull your mask down. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| They're like, well, that's not what you're supposed to do at all. | ||
| You just make it way worse. | ||
| Well, people that have already had COVID, they're so fucking... | ||
| They don't care at all. | ||
| They're just free people. | ||
| They're like people that have gotten out of jail and can never go back. | ||
| Robbing cars. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| That's how they behave. | ||
| That's how Jamie is. | ||
| They're flagrant. | ||
| They go out to clubs. | ||
| Hinchcliffe is the same way. | ||
| Yeah, they get this attitude about it, like, I'm free. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, a lot of people have a lot of power right now. | ||
| I was talking a little bit about it in my new act. | ||
| Not to do my act, but the idea that everybody gets to tell someone to pull your mask up. | ||
| I can go tell anybody I want. | ||
| So everybody has power. | ||
| Just a guy on the street can go, your mask is a little down. | ||
| And you're like, that guy's got power over you. | ||
| Cover your nose. | ||
| And you're like, I don't even know that, you know. | ||
| Yeah, you have to kind of respond and listen to him or you're a dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a lot of power. | ||
| I saw some guy was fucking with people. | ||
| He made a mask that looked like he wasn't wearing a mask. | ||
| It looked like the mask was under his chin. | ||
| So the mask is like a mask of his face. | ||
| And then this part looks like one of them operating masks, but it's under the chin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And some lady was yelling at him at a store. | ||
| He's like, I'm wearing a mask. | ||
| She goes, no, you're not wearing it the right way. | ||
| And she was looking right at him and just kind of trying not to make eye contact. | ||
| So not clearly recognizing that it's a fake. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| It was like a photograph. | ||
| But it was funny to watch the anger that people have. | ||
| Yeah, people get real upset about it. | ||
| I mean, I, you know, I always say, like, if you've been to a place where it's been uncomfortable to have the mask on, like, if you go farther out of, like, a city, and I've walked in with a mask on, and you walk in, you're like, oh, sorry about that, everybody. | ||
| Like, you just feel, like, they're like, what's COVID, dude? | ||
| Like, why do you have a mask on? | ||
| Andrew Schultz is in Miami right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what he said. | ||
| He said it's like that there. | ||
| He said it is fucking bananas. | ||
| He goes, they don't give a shit. | ||
| He goes, no one's wearing a mask. | ||
| They're going to nightclubs. | ||
| He goes, people are just out there wandering around. | ||
| Florida has no rules. | ||
| They're just wide open. | ||
| And Texas is on the verge of that. | ||
| They've kind of announced no rules, but... | ||
| They're fighting in here in Austin, but the cases are down in Austin, so they're lowering, like we were talking to the nurse out there, they're lowering whatever the stage it is that you're allowed to do things. | ||
| Yeah, everything's going down, but I just did Stand Up Live in Phoenix. | ||
| And it was half capacity. | ||
| So they said they could open to 100%, but then they still have to be six feet apart, so you can't. | ||
| So it's like little stuff like that where you say, well, they can't open. | ||
| You can't tell them, because comedy clubs pack them in. | ||
| I thought they just went full open recently. | ||
| But they did. | ||
| Still? | ||
| But you have to be six feet apart. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, you still have to be socially distanced. | ||
| So you can't go... | ||
| It's kind of impossible to go full... | ||
| Because if you're in a building, and they're like, we can get full capacity in here, and you're like, well, I can only fit. | ||
| And you're like, well, everybody still needs to be six feet apart. | ||
| You're like, well, then I guess we're not. | ||
| Were they really six feet apart at Santa Blive, though? | ||
| Because Callan told me it was packed. | ||
| It was packed. | ||
| I always think these clubs, of course, look packed. | ||
| But when you go walk around, those tables, we forget how packed comedy clubs got it. | ||
| They got it really packed. | ||
| And so now people are sitting just kind of how they're supposed to sit. | ||
| In real life. | ||
| In real life. | ||
| Like if you go to a restaurant. | ||
| It's just, you know, you're not just on a stranger's back. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're just... | ||
| You're not supposed to be looking at someone's text right over your shoulder. | ||
| No, just everybody. | ||
| They have the plexiglass, too, on the tables. | ||
| Yeah, I saw this about Fauci. | ||
| He said, the U.S. considering updating three-foot social distancing guidelines and key move to reopen schools. | ||
| Yeah, they're saying there's no difference between six-foot and three-foot. | ||
| Like, stop. | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| You've tried to figure all this stuff out. | ||
| I always think we have a graph problem in this country. | ||
| There's too many graphs. | ||
| And I don't understand. | ||
| They just keep throwing more out there. | ||
| And they always say per capita. | ||
| And you're like, I don't even know. | ||
| What's per capita of what? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Per capita of Florida, you're like, I don't know. | ||
| That could be good or bad. | ||
| You don't know what that means? | ||
| That means the population? | ||
| Well, it means whatever the number would be, whether it's per thousand or per million people. | ||
| So if you have a place like California that has 40 million people in the state versus a place like Wyoming that has less than a million, you would say how many COVID cases they have per capita, like per 100 people. | ||
| So Wyoming, they're basing it on whatever the number is. | ||
| So if they're basing it on 100 people, they say Wyoming has X amount per capita versus California has whatever the number is. | ||
| Why would they not just use the real numbers? | ||
| Because they want you to think differently. | ||
| Because if California has 2 million cases, there's 40 million people. | ||
| Wyoming only has less than a million people in the entire state. | ||
| So if Wyoming has a thousand cases, like, oh my god, Wyoming's a huge success story. | ||
| Not necessarily. | ||
| Oh, because they got less. | ||
| Per capita, based on the amount of people that are there. | ||
| Like, there's one out of every 10 people has COVID, or one out of every 100 people has COVID, versus California, whatever the number is. | ||
| That's what per capita means. | ||
| Seems like a lot, to be honest. | ||
| But I barely made out of high school, Joe, so I don't know what's going on, dude. | ||
| Listen, I barely made out of high school, too. | ||
| I used to have nightmares about being forced to go back. | ||
| Out of high school? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I used to have nightmares about, like, I didn't get my requirements. | ||
| Like, I didn't care. | ||
| I didn't necessarily care what my grades were. | ||
| I just wanted to get out. | ||
| But what I did care is I didn't want to be a high school dropout. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, a high school dropout, to me, at the time, It was like a death sentence. | ||
| Like, for sure you're going to be a loser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which was my number one fear. | ||
| Like, it was that I was going to be a loser. | ||
| I was so scared of being a loser. | ||
| I went to college just because I didn't want people to think I was a loser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I went, like, a whole year without doing any college at all. | ||
| Like, I went, like, from, you know, graduating to, you know, when I was, I guess I graduated at 17 until whatever the fuck, you know, the next year. | ||
| And I answered so many questions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, oh, I'm taking a year off. | ||
| And people look at you like, oh, man. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| I'm a fucking loser. | ||
| Yeah, here we go. | ||
| I'm like, shit, I'm going to be a loser. | ||
| It was before people traveled abroad, too. | ||
| You're like, I'm taking a year off. | ||
| No one said that. | ||
| Well, dude, I lived in Boston. | ||
| They didn't even travel to other cities. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, they didn't go anywhere. | ||
| And it was like such a blue collar. | ||
| I lived in a place called Newton Upper Falls, which is like this blue collar, you know. | ||
| It was a nice area. | ||
| Real quiet. | ||
| I go back to it now. | ||
| It's like, wow, I grew up in a cool place But it was Very hard working people Which is, cold weather people Are hard working people They value hard work because you have to shovel yourself Out of your fucking driveway, period You have to go to work when it's cold Period, you want to keep food on the table You gotta get firewood, period You gotta do something to keep the house warm, period You have to work You can't just fuck off And there's places where, like California You can just kind of chill | ||
| You can't chill in Boston. | ||
| You'll freeze to death. | ||
| Yeah, air-conditioned heat goes out in California, you're like, we're fine. | ||
| Like in LA, it's like the greatest, every day is the greatest day ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it feels amazing. | ||
| I remember when I first came there in 1993, I was doing something with MTV, and me and my friend Gary Valentine, we went out there, and he was staying with me, and we were wandering around. | ||
| We were like, dude, this is paradise. | ||
| This is like another day in paradise. | ||
| Every day, it was like the sun was shining, and it was beautiful. | ||
| Who was your guys that you started with? | ||
| Like, Valentine? | ||
| Valentine I knew because I was good friends with Kevin James, and it's Kevin's brother. | ||
| I had left Boston right when Burr was coming up. | ||
| So Burr was coming up right when I was leaving, and then I went to New York right after that. | ||
| So the guys that were with me, I met Chappelle when he was like... | ||
| Dave, I think Dave was like 18 or 19. And, you know, Norton, I knew Norton back then. | ||
| I knew Neil Brennan when he was a doorman. | ||
| He was a doorman at Boston Comedy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Marin, was he? | ||
| Yeah, Marin was one of the guys that gave me a really nice compliment when I was an open-miker. | ||
| When I was a raw open-miker. | ||
| Just hadn't been doing it very long at all. | ||
| And he said something nice to me, and I remember like, because he was a professional. | ||
| I was like, What everybody's... | ||
| When you first go... | ||
| So when I moved to New York, I went to Boston Comedy Club and I barked and handed out flyers. | ||
| Oh, did you do that? | ||
| I did it with Pete Holmes, his show. | ||
| I did exactly that show. | ||
| So with Pete, he got me... | ||
| I moved like five months after Pete did and he was like, I'm barking at this club. | ||
| And so I was like, all right, I'll go do that. | ||
| I remember just standing on the corner and... | ||
| It taught me to learn to, like, when I have goals in comedy, it was to learn to just have little goals. | ||
| Like, I never set big goals. | ||
| I always set just a goal that I can get. | ||
| So I was like, I don't want to be on this corner. | ||
| So I was like, how do I get off this corner? | ||
| And then it was like, you just want to go stand in the door. | ||
| I would, at that moment, dream of just being able to take people's tickets at the door. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so you're like, and you're just, you know, handing these flyers out. | ||
| People are just dropping them in front of your face. | ||
| Like, no one cares, dude. | ||
| Like, just throwing them. | ||
| It's like 25 degrees out. | ||
| You're like, eh. | ||
| And so, but I was at Boston. | ||
| So Chappelle used to always come by. | ||
| This is 2004 or 2005. So Chappelle would always come by and do spots. | ||
| He'd go up in front of six, seven people. | ||
| No one was there. | ||
| And then we'd go outside and just say, hey, Chappelle's on stage. | ||
| This was when Chappelle's show has already been off the air. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's right before he ended it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| So it was on. | ||
| It was on. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I remember him coming and having white makeup on his neck like if he played a white person on the Chappelle's show. | ||
| And he would still have it on, you know, because he'd come from there to... | ||
| Straight to the club. | ||
| Straight to the club. | ||
| And so we'd go up at Boston and everybody would go on stage. | ||
| I'll never forget these one people. | ||
| They walked by and I said, hey, Dave Chappelle's on stage. | ||
| If y'all can go watch for free, you know? | ||
| And Boston Comedy Club, remember, had those steps and there was a window. | ||
| And they go, I don't believe you. | ||
| I was like, well, I'm at a comedy club. | ||
| So I was like, he's in there. | ||
| Just go look in the window. | ||
| If he's not there, then don't go in. | ||
| And they were like, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they left. | |
| They left. | ||
| I think about those people every day. | ||
| They could have watched Chappelle for free. | ||
| Those people and that 500 bucks. | ||
| Those 500 bucks. | ||
| I bring them to my wife every day. | ||
| Those people, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I did Dave's show when he was in New York. | ||
| We did this Fear Factor episode. | ||
| And Tyrone Biggums was on Fear Factor. | ||
| And it was in a warehouse. | ||
| It was in the middle of the winter. | ||
| Freezing fucking cold. | ||
| No heat in the warehouse. | ||
| So we had these little blast furnace. | ||
| You know those things that they do on sets? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where it's like... | ||
| Those things that are blowing hot air out. | ||
| And you just stand in front of that until it's time to do the scene. | ||
| And then you go out there and do the scene and everybody would run back and stand in front of the blast furnaces. | ||
| But he was in character the whole day as Tyrone Biggums. | ||
| He was having so much fun. | ||
| Watching him, he would come by... | ||
| He would go up for a while. | ||
| I think it's when Boston switched to the Comedy Village. | ||
| My buddy Dustin Chaffin is the one that got us. | ||
| He was running to Boston at the time. | ||
| And then it switched to Comedy Village, whoever sold it. | ||
| But then Chappelle came by one night and hosted for everybody. | ||
| Even the open mic guys that were going up. | ||
| Because he would come up and just do obviously whatever he wanted. | ||
| And getting to see that, Bill Burr was a big deal for me. | ||
| Patrice O'Neal. | ||
| I used to sit in Patrice's car because he would park it out front of the Boston and you couldn't park there. | ||
| And he'd go on stage and I would sit in his car. | ||
| And so if a cop came, I would just drive his car around and wait until he got done. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I went to their... | ||
| I saw Burr and Patrice. | ||
| Everybody's a big deal, but they were big for me because when I went to New York, you know, at that time, 2005, something like that, Burr's just a comic that people know him in New York, but he's not what he is now, obviously. | ||
| And so they would come by and they would run their HBO one-night stands for these 30-minute specials. | ||
| And I remember I timed Patrice's one night. | ||
| He didn't ask me, by the way. | ||
| Just like a young comic being like, I'll time it for you. | ||
| And he gets off and I have no concept of being on TV. I think he has to do 30 to the dot. | ||
| And I tell him afterwards, that was like 34 minutes. | ||
| And he just looked at me and walked away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was just like... | |
| There is no reason for me. | ||
| I was so embarrassed about doing it. | ||
| And now I know. | ||
| But at the time, I was just trying to be a good comic. | ||
| Did you see the Comedy Central documentary they did about him? | ||
| I haven't watched it yet. | ||
| I haven't got to watch it yet. | ||
| I haven't either. | ||
| I haven't either. | ||
| I will make myself, for sure, but I've seen so many of his sets. | ||
| He was the best. | ||
| He was, for sure, one of the greats. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But maybe even more important, he was a cornerstone of not giving a fuck. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You had to have a guy like that that was an elite stand-up comic. | ||
| What? | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| And you needed a guy like that to have a great point, like really well thought out point that was hilarious, that showed you why you shouldn't care or why something was stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember there was some controversy about Opie and Anthony, and he went on some show, and some woman was saying that certain jokes could never be funny. | ||
| And he went and said a joke that was on that subject that was funny. | ||
| And he was like, look, but this is a point that he had that's a really good point that I stick with to this day. | ||
| It's like, it all comes from the same place, whether the joke is funny or the joke is not, whether it's offensive or whether it's hilarious and non-offensive. | ||
| It's coming from the same place. | ||
| You're just trying to be funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you're a comic, you understand that. | ||
| Because, like, you'll say something that some people might find offensive, but the only reason why you're saying it is not because you're trying to be mean. | ||
| You're saying it because you think there's something funny in there. | ||
| Like, you're trying to find the funny. | ||
| And sometimes, like, you'll slip, and it doesn't work at all. | ||
| And sometimes... | ||
| Agreeable is not funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the whole point of it is, like, I can't agree with you. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Comedy's all built from... | ||
| Sometimes if someone, like, they'll be like, oh, you're being mean to him. | ||
| You're like, well, I don't... | ||
| That's what... | ||
| Comedy's mean. | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| It's mean. | ||
| I told a joke where I said I did something to my dad, but I came out and I did a show. | ||
| These people didn't expect a comedy, so they didn't know I was a comedian, and I started telling my act. | ||
| They don't know what I'm doing, so it just sounds like I'm doing a mean speech. | ||
| Because that's what comedy is if there's no context to it. | ||
| You'd be like, this guy's the worst. | ||
| And you're like, oh, but if I just told them... | ||
| I was the comedian. | ||
| They would be like, oh, okay. | ||
| They get it. | ||
| I still live to this day by something Patrice said. | ||
| I kind of started with Big J, Kurt Metzger. | ||
| Kurt Metzger, by the way, and Kurt and Big J were one of the comics I ever saw that I just was like, really, where I was like, you moved to New York and you're like, oh, man, this is like the real. | ||
| These guys are really good. | ||
| Have you been paying attention to what Metzger's doing with Kyle Dunnigan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Matt Skirt's one of the funniest guys I've ever... | ||
| Just super smart. | ||
| I remember watching him at the very beginning. | ||
| He would take me on the road. | ||
| We'd do these old, weird gigs. | ||
| And so he would just call me his opener. | ||
| And I'm friends with Kurt at this point. | ||
| I drove him to the gig. | ||
| And we'd be in the elevator, and he's just on the phone. | ||
| He's like, what's that? | ||
| No, I'm sitting here with my opener. | ||
| I'm like, Kurt, just say... | ||
| My buddy. | ||
| It's not like I'm opening for Seinfeld or something. | ||
| You're getting paid $800 for this weekend. | ||
| He just would call me that to my face. | ||
| And I got him in that room, though. | ||
| We shared a hotel room. | ||
| That's the gig we're doing. | ||
| And he goes to put, we're going to the bathroom, and he's like, is this lotion? | ||
| And I would always just mess with him. | ||
| Or if he asked a dumb question, he goes, I need lotion. | ||
| It says conditioner. | ||
| And I go, that's it. | ||
| It's conditioner for your skin. | ||
| And I just tell him that. | ||
| And then I walk in there, and he's just rubbing conditioner all over his body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then we had to go do radio. | ||
| That's why he called me opener. | ||
| He's a brilliant guy, but he's an odd duck. | ||
| The moment I met him, the first time I met him, I met him in Montreal, Ari introduced me to him. | ||
| And he goes, hey, what's up? | ||
| And then he goes, hey, what are you doing for your hair? | ||
| Your hair's falling out? | ||
| Are you doing anything for it? | ||
| I was like, whoa. | ||
| I go, yeah, I'm minoxidil, all kinds of shit. | ||
| He's like, yeah, me too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Literally the first words out of his mouth. | |
| He's got an interesting way of looking at things, but he's also got a brilliant perspective because he grew up in a cult. | ||
| And because he grew up in a cult, it's like... | ||
| He sees a lot of those same patterns in woke thinking, where you can't question certain ideologies, and he gets really angry. | ||
| He goes, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I know what the fuck this is. | ||
| He goes, I grew up with this shit. | ||
| What was he, a Jehovah's Witness? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was what, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And his stories about growing up as a Jehovah's Witness were fucking crazy. | ||
| I mean, can you imagine that coming to your door? | ||
| Like, it was just like... | ||
| Hey, what are you doing with your hair? | ||
| That's the first thing he says. | ||
| You're like, oh, what are you... | ||
| Well, he's just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm so happy he's around, though. | ||
| He makes me so happy at the Comedy Store whenever I talk to him. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| And when I watched him at the very beginning... | ||
| The Patrice thing... | ||
| So Jay was... | ||
| We used to go to Patrice's house for, like, Fourth of July or something. | ||
| He always had a party at his house. | ||
| And so I got invited, and Jay, and then someone, I got into it with someone else, one of Patrice's friends, basically, and he was like, and he told Jay, hey, Patrice doesn't want Nate to come to the party. | ||
| And then Jay calls Patrice and is like... | ||
| Well, the context of this, too, is like, so Patrice would always ask me, I grew up in the South, like, I grew up, you know, Christian in the South, typical Southern upbringing, going to church, all this stuff. | ||
| So Patrice knew that, and he would ask me, like, do you believe in dinosaurs and stuff? | ||
| And I would just go with what, I would say no. | ||
| I believe in them, but like, it was, you know, I was like, I want to just say no. | ||
| Like, I'm not going to give him what he wants. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because then he would make fun of you and it'd be great. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| So I would always do that. | ||
| And so Jay calls him and says, hey, our other guy says that Nate can't come to your house for that party. | ||
| And Patrice was like, what? | ||
| He goes, I didn't say that. | ||
| He goes, that dude doesn't believe in dinosaurs. | ||
| You don't think I want that in my house? | ||
| I want that all over my house. | ||
| He goes, he can come to the party. | ||
| And I've lived my life by that. | ||
| With that open-mindedness to go, if someone came up to me and said, I don't believe in the moon, I'd rather talk to that guy than a guy that does believe in the moon. | ||
| It's funner to be like, what kind of crazy... | ||
| Do you know there's people out there that don't believe in the moon? | ||
| Are there? | ||
| I would love to talk to them. | ||
| I don't know if I want them to know where I am. | ||
| It's going to be hard to get away from them if they're that crazy. | ||
| Hashtag space is fake. | ||
| You need to Google that. | ||
| Google space is fake. | ||
| There's a bunch of people that think that space is fake and that we are on a flat plane. | ||
| Like we're on some sort of a flat plane and that the stars are lights and that this is all... | ||
| Like a Truman Show? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That it's a conspiracy to keep us from understanding that God has created us and that we're special. | ||
| We're not one of an infinite number of planets in the universe. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, we are God's creation, and this is the heavenly petri dish, or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| I mean, if I start going down that road, I don't know what cap it is, so I'll probably be like, I'll be in it. | ||
| Just sitting with this group. | ||
| It's wild, man, because the thing about these YouTube videos is, if somebody puts together a YouTube video, What they can do is talk very eloquently and articulately and say shit that's batshit crazy that doesn't make any sense at all to a scientist. | ||
| But if they say it and no one interrupts them and goes, Stop! | ||
| That's not how it works. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| This is the real statistic. | ||
| Stop! | ||
| This is how we know that's not true. | ||
| And this is how they studied it. | ||
| And this is all the scientists that worked on this for 50 fucking years. | ||
| And then you're making a YouTube video saying that these are all Nazi propagandists that were put here by the Rockefellers. | ||
| To, you know, to ruin children's education. | ||
| But you could say that in a video, and if I watch, I'm like, fuck, man. | ||
| You know what I learned today? | ||
| I learned some crazy shit about space. | ||
| It's not even real. | ||
| And there's a bunch... | ||
| It's kind of died off. | ||
| Like, the flat Earth thing was a great example of that. | ||
| There was a period of time where it was like a mental contagion. | ||
| Like, it made its way through a lot of dumb stoners, a lot of people that don't read, a lot of people that don't pay attention to science, or a lot of people that are like really in disbelief of everything the government says. | ||
| And there was like hundreds of videos about space and the Earth being flat and, you know, that there's an ice wall around Antarctica. | ||
| It's kind of gone away now. | ||
| People have abandoned it, for the most part. | ||
| But I used to follow it, like, to the point where I was like, it was one of the most stunning things about the internet, was how many people were out there that really believed the world was flat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many people was it? | ||
| Could it be that many people? | ||
| Is it... | ||
| I think it was thousands. | ||
| Thousands. | ||
| There was a basketball player. | ||
| Who was the basketball player? | ||
| Oh yeah, Kyrie Irving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was a flat Irving. | ||
| He's not anymore. | ||
| He abandoned it. | ||
| And he admitted. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| I think he went down a rabbit hole. | ||
| But this is what I'm saying. | ||
| You can go down a YouTube rabbit hole and watch these videos and they make so much sense. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| They'll tell you things and they'll speak in this tone. | ||
| And this is why it happened. | ||
| And this is why you think this. | ||
| And this is why it's a lie. | ||
| And you're like, wow, I've been lied to. | ||
| And it's a mindfuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would like to see those guys' families, like just their family life, like their daughters, like, I drew a picture, and you're like, I don't have time for this, right? | ||
| You know, the earth is flat. | ||
| Like, I mean, just like the weight, if that was true, the weight they have to walk around with, they feel like it's a lot. | ||
| Like, they know. | ||
| They know something that everybody else doesn't. | ||
| Everybody doesn't. | ||
| That's how I always look at stuff. | ||
| If you do conspiracies, you tend to want to be more true than they're not. | ||
| If you feel yourself wanting something to be like, I hope that's real, you're like, it's probably not real, dude. | ||
| Because it's too good. | ||
| Right, that's Bigfoot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bigfoot's too good. | ||
| I love Bigfoot. | ||
| I love Bigfoot. | ||
| I believe. | ||
| I watched this documentary the other day. | ||
| I think it was, it's called Missing Persons 411 Hunters or something like that. | ||
| And what it's about, it's like a really screwy documentary. | ||
| But the concept of the documentary is that there's been a bunch of people that just disappeared in the national forests. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Missing 411 the hunted, yeah. | ||
| So in national forests, there's people that have disappeared with no trace. | ||
| Not a few of them, but really what it is is just the vastness of the forest. | ||
| I think people underestimate how vast forests are. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| It's a lot! | ||
| I've been to Oregon, Mount Hood. | ||
| I told the cab driver, I go, you guys got a lot of trees here. | ||
| That's how much I was overwhelmed by the trees. | ||
| Just on the ride there, it was uncomfortable. | ||
| I was like, this is a lot of trees. | ||
| He's like, alright. | ||
| Well, the thing about the Pacific Northwest is it's essentially a rainforest. | ||
| Like Mount Rainier, all those areas. | ||
| So the amount of water and nutrients in the soil is absurd. | ||
| So the trees are like Q-tips in a box of Q-tips. | ||
| You can't believe how dense they are. | ||
| So if you saw a bear moving between those trees, you can convince yourself it was a Sasquatch. | ||
| Especially if you saw a bear standing up on two feet, which they do all the time. | ||
| Bears walk on two feet all the time. | ||
| There's tons of video of them doing it. | ||
| So if you saw that in between trees from 100 yards away at dusk, when it starts getting dark, and you're like, shit! | ||
| And they make weird noises too, like bears, especially when they're standing up, because a lot of times when they're standing up, they're trying to threaten other bears. | ||
| So they're like moving towards them and making themselves bigger by standing up. | ||
| And they'll make this noise. | ||
| Which sounds like a gorilla, right? | ||
| But there's tons of video. | ||
| I've seen it personally with my eyes in the woods. | ||
| I've seen bears fight and I've seen bears from 30 yards away stand up and go at each other like that. | ||
| I've seen it and I've seen them make those noises. | ||
| They're threatening each other. | ||
| But if you're in the woods and you see that and it's dark out and maybe you've never seen a bear before... | ||
| And, you know, maybe you're just fucking out on a hike and you see that, you're like, oh my god, I saw a Bigfoot. | ||
| And you will dedicate your whole life to, like, finding Bigfoot and finding proof. | ||
| And the floor there in the forest is so thick with leaves and pine needles that when you step on it, it doesn't even leave a footprint. | ||
| It's just like a soft composting pile. | ||
| Everything is just sort of deteriorating in these thick layers of pine needles and leaves and sticks and branches. | ||
| And you're not going to find footprints. | ||
| You're not going to find any of them. | ||
| You know Les Stroud? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So he did that show about- Survivor Man Bigfoot, yeah. | |
| But it just went away. | ||
| Bro, that show. | ||
| I love Wes Stroud. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I love Survivor Man. | ||
| That show was so fucking dumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had a guy on the show that is known in the Bigfoot world as being full of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is bad. | ||
| Like, the Bigfoot world is pretty open-minded. | ||
| I mean, this is one of the things that I wanted to bring up about that 411 The Hunted thing. | ||
| There's... | ||
| Audio recording that was supposedly taken from the 1970s from Northern California. | ||
| I want to say Sonoma? | ||
| I don't remember where it was. | ||
| It was somewhere in Northern California, but they call them the Samurai Sounds. | ||
| Samurai, and it's the weirdest shit ever, man. | ||
| It's like these guys had this spot that they would go into the mountains, and they would hunt every year. | ||
| And they built this structure out there, and then they brought recording equipment, and they claimed to have recorded sounds of these animals, these Bigfoot, and that these Bigfoot were around them all the time while they were up there. | ||
| Now what's crazy about it is... | ||
| The sounds are so weird. | ||
| It sounds like someone pretending to be Japanese that doesn't actually speak Japanese. | ||
| Have you ever heard it? | ||
| We'll play it for you. | ||
| It's the weirdest shit. | ||
| It sounds so strange and so fake. | ||
| But, you know, like, they have these quote-unquote experts that say the human voice is not capable of making sounds remotely similar to this. | ||
| The range is... | ||
| Which doesn't make any sense if you know who Michael Winslow is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That guy who... | ||
| That guy went on... | ||
| He does a woman peeing when she goes to the bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He does everything. | ||
| Yeah, he does everything. | ||
| He did Led Zeppelin. | ||
| He played Whole Lotta Love with his mouth. | ||
| And it sounds incredible. | ||
| But this samurai, there's these loud whoops, whoops. | ||
| And these guys are in the foreground. | ||
| The guys who are recording, they're trying to communicate with these things. | ||
| They sound so calm. | ||
| I mean, if there really was giant fucking eight-foot apes out there wandering around like, you know, two, three hundred yards away from you screaming and whooping and talking, would you really, and you're in the woods, would you really be so calm? | ||
| Wouldn't you be freaking the fuck out with these guys? | ||
| Do you have it? | ||
| Yeah, I'm trying to make sure I find the right thing because I'm stumbling across some traps. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like people are making fucking around the internet. | |
| I wish I could remember the gentleman's name. | ||
| Well, I think I have it, that's all I'm saying. | ||
| So, Ronald J. Moorhead and Alan Barry, maybe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that right? | |
| Yes, Ron Moorhead, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| The Sierra Mountains, that's what it is. | ||
| And so, it's the weirdest shit ever. | ||
| Listen, just listen to this. | ||
| I read what it could be, but we'll listen first. | ||
| It could be bullshit. | ||
| That's what it could be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how I say, all aboard. | |
| Oh, boy! | ||
| Who's wrong? | ||
| Oh, boy! | ||
| Just sit down there. | ||
| This is, hold on, stop, stop, stop. | ||
| This is a terrible version of it. | ||
| There's a better version of it where you can hear the guys really clearly. | ||
| The people talking. | ||
| I don't know why that's so scratchy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But they're like, they're over by the lake. | |
| Like, they're talking like that. | ||
| This very strange sound. | ||
| And they're being calm about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And these, you know, supposed vocal experts are analyzing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The human body is incapable of making such sounds. | |
| You know, and that area of... | ||
| You got it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It says HD. Okay, look here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| - Yeah. | ||
| They're knocking. | ||
| That's another thing that Sasquatch do. | ||
| They knock. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That one's weird. . | |
| scoot ahead a little bit and hear the samurai sounds Still sounds terrible Anyway. | ||
| These people believe that shit. | ||
| Les Stroud was balls deep in this. | ||
| Balls deep. | ||
| Apparently he had an experience. | ||
| And I talked to him about his experience. | ||
| It's pretty interesting. | ||
| He was in, not with that guy, but he was in Alaska. | ||
| And apparently he heard some crazy noises, like some monkey sounds outside of his, in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| No one was in there. | ||
| And he said he heard something run away. | ||
| Some bipedal sound of something running away. | ||
| But again, even though he's an experienced woodsman, And he's a guy who's, you know, camped out countless nights in the middle of nowhere and survives in the middle of nowhere and documents it. | ||
| Like, he's the reason why those Survivor shows exist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that guy literally would starve to death and try to eat, like, bark and whatever the fuck he could for a second. | ||
| You could see his face, like, sinking in as he was losing weight. | ||
| I mean, he really did do that. | ||
| He did all sorts of different things to try to survive and then documented how he was doing it and what he would do. | ||
| But he got obsessed with Bigfoot and then developed that Bigfoot show. | ||
| And unfortunately, a lot of people lost a lot of faith in him because of that. | ||
| They're like, no, you're the legit survivor guy, and now you're doing this show, and this is why it's ridiculous. | ||
| There was one episode of the show where they had this guy who he was with who had video of a Sasquatch, like high-definition video, and it looks so fake. | ||
| It's like the Sasquatch is looking at him through the woods, and he's like, there he is, there he is. | ||
| It's a guy with a mask on. | ||
| He yells out, I'm a Sasquatch. | ||
| He's like, okay, he just yelled that out. | ||
| Makes the samurai noise. | ||
| But this, you know, the guy who had the video is known to be like full of shit. | ||
| And here he's got this guy on a show and then he, you know, is this real? | ||
| You be the judge. | ||
| Like, yeah, I'm going to say it's not real. | ||
| It's a guy with a fucking mask on. | ||
| I think I did read that that guy was very not respected. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| By the Bigfoot community. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| The Bigfoot community. | ||
| Again, very open-minded. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's very just into everything. | ||
| There's other things, like, they would see trees that would fall over, like, in certain patterns, and they were convinced that Sasquatch was leaning these trees against each other. | ||
| I thought it was like, yeah, to let you know where not to go. | ||
| Yeah, they had this idea. | ||
| I mean, it's all theory, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think I've been following the wrong guy, dude. | ||
| I believe all the stuff that he likes is fake. | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
| I only watched that Les Stroud run because of that other guy. | ||
| I want it to be real. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| If someone had a convincing Bigfoot encounter where they caught it on video where I was like, holy shit, what is that? | ||
| Like, what is that? | ||
| Or there was something. | ||
| But there's nothing. | ||
| Like, you know, I've talked to a lot of those people when I did this show. | ||
| It's called Joe Rogan Questions Everything for sci-fi, and me and Duncan Trussell actually went camping in the Pacific Northwest. | ||
| We didn't really camp. | ||
| We pretended to go camping, and then we went to a hotel. | ||
| And then we came back the next morning like, well, rough night of camping. | ||
| But we were out there for days trying to look for Sasquatch and talking to people that hunt for Sasquatch. | ||
| And the one conclusion that we came to is it's a bunch of unfuckable white dudes. | ||
| Just out there. | ||
| Just out there camping. | ||
| But the desire for it to be real is so strong. | ||
| It would change. | ||
| I watched that Finding Bigfoot show. | ||
| I used to always think, because people are like, why is it on? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know, man, because it's fun to watch. | ||
| And if they find him, the world is different now. | ||
| If they come back with Bigfoot, everything's different. | ||
| Everything's different. | ||
| Everything's getting different with the alien thing. | ||
| The fact that they're saying that that's true, you're like, that's a lot, dude. | ||
| That's a lot to take. | ||
| If we get... | ||
| I know that they have the videos and stuff of the aliens, but if we get up straight up and start talking to one, I don't know what's going to happen. | ||
| Well, here's something that came out today, Jamie. | ||
| I'm going to send you this, because Sagar and Jetty from Rising on the Hill and I have been going back and forth with this, and I found this today and sent it to him. | ||
| I'll send it to you right now, Jamie. | ||
| It says, paradigm-shifting UFO tech that alters space-time is operable U.S. Navy Chief Tech Officer. | ||
| So it's some story that I didn't bother looking into because I saw it when I was on my way out the door. | ||
| And I was like, what in the fuck is this? | ||
| Because there's been all these sightings of these things that move in some weird way. | ||
| Paradigm shifting UFO tech. | ||
| So there's these things that move in this weird way that don't show any propulsion system. | ||
| And due to censorship, please join us on Telegram. | ||
| I'm going to say, documents obtained by the drive show the revolutionary technology that has capability to alter space-time may actually be operable. | ||
| According to the Naval Aviation Enterprise Chief Technology Officer, Dr. James, how do you say that name? | ||
| Sheehy? | ||
| What do you think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Operable in quotes. | |
| What is that? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| Reflect on, why is technology that has a potential to change the entire human experience for the better always used for the defense purposes and military applications? | ||
| What about the betterment of humanity? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But it's Christopher Mellon, who's that guy who keeps coming up with all this UFO tech stuff. | ||
| Can you scroll back up, please? | ||
| Someone's just writing. | ||
| I was reading through Twitter. | ||
| It's like a story. | ||
| It's not really like an article. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Twitter feed of Christopher Mellon, the former Deputy Assistant Defense Secretary for Intelligence from 1997 to 2002. Doing so, I came across an interesting post from The Drive. | ||
| Regarding documents they received via the Freedom of Information Act regarding a space-time modification weapon developed by the U.S. Navy, which apparently has already gone through experimental testing. | ||
| This in turn led me to evidence suggesting that other revolutionary type of technology that could no doubt be used to change the world for the better, blah, blah, blah, was already operable. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| But this is what, if you pay attention to the UFO world, do you pay attention to that shit at all? | ||
| Not, like, actively. | ||
| There's a guy named Bob Lazar. | ||
| I do know that from, because you talk to him. | ||
| Yeah, it was one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had, because you're like, I mean, are you crazy? | ||
| Are you full of shit? | ||
| Or is this real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because if it is real, this thing is a special effect created, a guy who is a special effect artist. | ||
| Do you remember his name, Jamie, who made this thing for us? | ||
| This gentleman... | ||
| He's got a... | ||
| Designs... | ||
| Designs by Perry. | ||
| Designs by Perry at Instagram. | ||
| And he created this thing. | ||
| And this is like a scale model of what Bob Lazar supposedly worked on. | ||
| He was hired by... | ||
| The United States military to work at Area S4, which is part of the Area 51 Site S4. Site 4 was this place where he allegedly worked to back engineer these spaceships. | ||
| And the way these things moved around was exactly how this Christopher Mellon guy worked. | ||
| Or this article, rather, that quoted him as describing that they used some sort of gravity, space-time bending technology. | ||
| So they didn't use a propulsion system like a rocket that shoots flame out the back. | ||
| They bent time in front of them and just would shoot instantaneously to wherever the fuck they wanted to go. | ||
| So you'd be like instantly be able to go... | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| What's fucked is that there was an instance off of the coast of San Diego in 2004 where a Navy pilot by the name of Commander David Fravor, who I've also had on the show, experienced this thing that they call the Tic Tac UFO. They tracked it with radar. | ||
| radar, they tracked it with their camera systems on their plane, and they even have video footage of this thing. | ||
| It went from 80,000 feet above sea level to one in a second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So in that time, it traveled 80,000 feet. | ||
| They have no idea how the fuck it did that. | ||
| It shows no propulsion, heat signature. | ||
| They took video footage of this thing and it went from there. | ||
| It took off where they couldn't even follow it with their eye. | ||
| It just disappeared to the predetermined destination where they were supposed to coordinate later. | ||
| So it's like it's reading their tracking systems or reading where they were going. | ||
| And the people that worked on the aircraft carrier were telling the fighter pilot, like, we've been seeing these things over, you know, we see them, like, every couple weeks. | ||
| We have no idea what the fuck's going on. | ||
| And they just say, well, there it is. | ||
| What are we going to do about that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like to picture, like, an alien in that Tic Tac. | ||
| He's like, whoa, slow it down. | ||
| You're kind of crazy right now. | ||
| Like, he's having a bad day in there. | ||
| Because he's got to be having just a day. | ||
| Whoever's in there, some kind of day, may be having a day. | ||
| It's a lot to... | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| You think it's like a lot to just tell people? | ||
| Like if they had to be like, to tell like just Earth, all of us humans on Earth, to like wrap our head around what would happen? | ||
| I think what do you say if that's all you know? | ||
| Like if you are the military and all you know is that something can do these things, something can move at this speed. | ||
| You know, the New York Times had a front page article about it a couple years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Basically, they're saying, hey, there are videos of things moving in a way that we don't understand, that aren't exhibiting a heat signature that indicates a propulsion system, and we don't know what it is. | ||
| There's the COVID-19 bill that just got passed, and one of the provisions in the COVID-19 bill is that they have 180 days to release all the information they have about UFOs. | ||
| But I don't know if they're going to do anything. | ||
| I think they're going to do nothing. | ||
| That's funny that it's in the COVID-19 bill. | ||
| A lot of weird shit was in the COVID-19 bill, like foreign aid. | ||
| There's a lot of foreign aid to Pakistan, aid to all these countries. | ||
| It's like people just, to get it passed, they're like, okay, we'll say yes, but I want you to do a little favor for me and put this in the bill. | ||
| It just shows you how greasy politicians are. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's allegedly what UFO technology is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So if that's real, if that article is based on anything that's even remotely true, that they're actually doing, the government is actually doing experiments on these things and they have this technology, that would kind of explain whatever these things are that they're seeing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That instead of it being alien technology, it's some super high-level military tests and they've figured out how to do some things that we don't understand yet. | ||
| The question is, how did they develop this stuff? | ||
| Did they develop it from UFOs? | ||
| Or is the UFO thing the cover-up because they have some super high-tech weapon and they don't want other countries to know about it? | ||
| So to mock it, they'll say it's like alien technology to make it seem ridiculous. | ||
| If we traveled like that, that'd be huge for road comics, just to go bounce around. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| No jet lag. | ||
| Did you use that technology just to be like, where'd you go, Funny Bone? | ||
| Boom, you're in Denver. | ||
| Hey, Denver Comedy Works. | ||
| I was just featuring. | ||
| Boom, you're in Poughkeepsie. | ||
| Look, I'm at bananas. | ||
| I like to use that much technology, which you do that even flying, for just the least amount of comics just doing dumb jokes. | ||
| People died over this technology, and you're like, I just told some fart jokes on stage. | ||
| Well, what if they found out that some people died from it? | ||
| Just like they think that some people die from vaccines. | ||
| But it's a very small number in comparison to people that it's going to help. | ||
| What if some people died when they did this jump to some other place? | ||
| Some people just melted. | ||
| And they're like, hey, what happened to Tom? | ||
| Oh, he's got that gene variant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Tom's a puddle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I would imagine people died. | ||
| They'd just be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We've never done this before, dude. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, maybe that's... | ||
| A monkey. | ||
| Don't they use monkeys a lot? | ||
| They used to, yeah, for space travel. | ||
| Do they just have them around? | ||
| Well, unfortunately, yes. | ||
| They have them for medical research. | ||
| They have them for all sorts of shit. | ||
| Yeah, not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| It's tough being a monkey. | ||
| Tough times. | ||
| They experiment with makeup on monkeys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Put lipstick on a monkey. | ||
| Imagine the indignity. | ||
| You're in a cage. | ||
| You're locked up. | ||
| You just lose all your power. | ||
| You're kind of smart. | ||
| You're not like people smart, but you're close. | ||
| You got hands, and you're holding on to the bars. | ||
| Dude, I remember I went to a zoo once. | ||
| I can't remember what city it was in, but I remember I was with my kids, and we walked by this monkey cage, and this monkey was... | ||
| By itself, in a small cage, screaming. | ||
| Like a crazy person. | ||
| Like a person trapped. | ||
| And I remember thinking, oh my god, this is the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Like, this poor monkey wants to be in the jungle, wants to be swinging around on trees and eating fruit and having a good time with his monkey friends. | ||
| Instead, he's alone in a cage being stared at by people all day long, just stared, stared at. | ||
| And then you're like, then we took a picture and we got out of there. | ||
| We go, all right, everybody get over it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You still do it because you're like, well, I'm here. | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| What am I going to do? | ||
| I don't know, but you want to believe that these zoos are... | ||
| A lot of times it's animals that are hurt or can't, that wouldn't survive. | ||
| I mean, they tell you that. | ||
| So you want to believe that, that you're not going to some crazy... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You know, I think there's some endangered species that are kept in zoos and, you know, they can protect their numbers in a certain way in zoos. | ||
| There's probably a better way to do it, though. | ||
| There's probably a better way to do it. | ||
| They would need a lot of land. | ||
| Pacific Northwest. | ||
| Let the gorillas loose. | ||
| Let them go, yeah. | ||
| I think, you know... | ||
| It's weird when... | ||
| One of the things that's weird, and this is a pragmatic way of looking at it, but kind of a fucked up way of looking at it, is most species that have ever lived have gone extinct. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If they can stop things from going extinct, what if the next step is bringing things back? | ||
| Well, if they can bring things back, what if they just start bringing back shit? | ||
| Like a bunch of things. | ||
| Like a raptor. | ||
| Sabretooth tiger. | ||
| Yeah, saber-tooth tiger. | ||
| Start bringing shit back. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| People would be excited, for sure. | ||
| But then what are we doing? | ||
| If we're just going to keep... | ||
| I'm not saying we should let things go extinct, and I'm definitely not saying we should allow human beings' actions to make things go extinct and do nothing to prevent it. | ||
| But I am saying it is... | ||
| There's an inevitability of life. | ||
| And I don't think we want to accept that because I think human beings, because we have a finite lifespan, we have a finite life, we know it's going to end. | ||
| We are fearful of that. | ||
| We're fearful of animals dying as well. | ||
| Fearful of losing animals. | ||
| We can't stop all things from going extinct because things went extinct way before people were ever around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just don't work right in the new environment. | ||
| And the environment changes and evolves. | ||
| That's probably a good thing. | ||
| T-Rex not being here, that's a big deal. | ||
| It's a lot easier to do things. | ||
| What about one of them? | ||
| Just one of them on Jurassic Park? | ||
| That we just leave? | ||
| They have one. | ||
| They go, we let him loose in America, so y'all just deal with that every day. | ||
| You just don't know where he's at. | ||
| They go, all right, we brought one back. | ||
| Did you guys check the app before we went on vacation to see where Godzilla is? | ||
| Yeah, where is he at? | ||
| There's a place you can drive from Louisville, Kentucky to Nashville when you're driving down 65. And they have a life-size Stranosaurus Rex on the side of the road. | ||
| But I always like seeing it because you're always like, how big was it? | ||
| Like when you walk around... | ||
| You want to see a tree to be like, can you imagine that tree just being... | ||
| It was like a giant lizard that would just eat your car. | ||
| Have you been in a museum of natural history and looked at those giant skeletons? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's enormous. | ||
| I think it's hard to imagine because you're seeing a skeleton... | ||
| It's sort of this framework of what a thing is. | ||
| I kind of get it. | ||
| But if they had one that they did up, like special effects style, and made it really look like a T-Rex. | ||
| They don't really know what a T-Rex actually looks like. | ||
| They think they might have feathers. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| No, I bet they wouldn't appreciate it though. | ||
| The T-Rex. | ||
| They think that a lot of dinosaurs were, in fact, in the bird family. | ||
| You know, because a lot of birds today, they exhibit a lot of the things, a lot of characteristics that dinosaurs had. | ||
| They think that a lot of... | ||
|
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|
That's a lot. | |
| That's more than I've ever heard. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't know how much I've talked about dinosaurs, to be honest. | ||
| I don't know how many conversations I've been in, but that's never been sprung on me. | ||
| One of my kids, my youngest daughter, is obsessed with dinosaurs. | ||
| She knows a lot about them. | ||
| She knows a lot about weird shit. | ||
| That's what birds are. | ||
| Birds are basically dinosaurs that lived. | ||
| Like chickens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chickens are like survival. | ||
| They've even found really recently some fossils that show feathers because up until now it was a theory. | ||
| But then they found dinosaur fossils with fossilized feathers that indicate this dinosaur was like a bird that was covered in feathers. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I had no idea that any of that was true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a life-size version of a raptor that's in a museum in Bozeman, Montana. | ||
| And on one side, it shows what it would look like if it was a lizard, like a crocodile or something. | ||
| On the other side, it shows it covered in feathers, and it goes over this theory that they might have had feathers, that they might have been... | ||
| I love that they have both those up there. | ||
| It's like being like, we don't know for sure, but it's probably one of those two. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| You got it? | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty dope. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why wouldn't they have feathers? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's what they think it might have looked like. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| But on the other side, they'll show it... | ||
| Does it show the other side too? | ||
| Yeah, but there's a high school there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Their team name is the Raptors, so I'm looking it up. | |
| Oh, yeah, in Montana. | ||
| Yeah, so that's it. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So one side of it... | ||
| I think I'm right. | ||
| I think one side of it was... | ||
| We've definitely looked it up before. | ||
| That's why it came up so quick. | ||
| Most I know is from Jurassic Park. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| That's all you know about dinosaurs? | ||
| Yeah, they showed that movie in class and then they go, alright, that's good. | ||
| They called it a day. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| How much stupid shit do you pay attention to? | ||
| Do you watch stupid movies? | ||
| Like, are you going to watch King Kong vs. | ||
| Godzilla? | ||
| I can watch some of that, yeah. | ||
| I've never been the craziest superhero fan or that kind of stuff, but I can definitely, if it catches me right, I'll be like, I'll see what's going on with this. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| You'll see what's happening. | ||
| Were you a comic book fan when you were a kid? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm a big sports fan. | ||
| I like sports. | ||
| Stuff like that. | ||
| I watch golf. | ||
| We were talking about that earlier. | ||
| UFC I've got into. | ||
| I think UFC... As a regular guy that watched sports... | ||
| UFC does, right now, I think, the best job of getting me. | ||
| Getting the me's of the world. | ||
| I know football, baseball, basketball, golf. | ||
| I know kind of the main ones. | ||
| I think UFC is doing the greatest job in all of sports to attract me. | ||
| I would think I'm an average American. | ||
| How they've done that? | ||
| You guys talking about how good people are is big. | ||
| Once I found out that Jon Jones... | ||
| I love once-in-a-lifetime athletes. | ||
| When you get a LeBron, Michael Jordan, you get these things and you're like, we're lucky to even get to see a guy like this. | ||
| And I see that Jon Jones is that. | ||
| And I hear about Jon Jones being that. | ||
| George's GSP, I never saw GSP. I saw him fight Bisping, was the only fight. | ||
| And I know that he's the greatest, but UFC wasn't in my world. | ||
| Back then. | ||
| Back then. | ||
| When he was a champ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so I go John Jones. | ||
| I think Conor McGregor's probably, you know, in a sense of like this kind of Tiger Woods of just getting people excited about this sport. | ||
| That you're like, well, I love this dude. | ||
| This dude's crazy. | ||
| Which then introduced me to Khabib. | ||
| So then I see Khabib, and now I'm fascinated by Khabib because you're like, oh, him and Jon Jones are these once-in-a-lifetime kind of guys. | ||
| And so I love that, so I want to watch these ones. | ||
| I want to watch because I'm like, these guys are not normal. | ||
| And so we should be, I should be seeing these, and I think UFC does that. | ||
| I understand Usman, when he said, like, show some respect to my name, I get it, because me, I almost didn't, I watched the fight, but I almost didn't. | ||
| If I had something come up, I might not have watched it. | ||
| Because Usman's not... | ||
| I didn't know completely. | ||
| And then after I watched it and I hear y'all talk about him and you explain how good this guy really is, I'm like, oh, I'll never miss another fight of him now. | ||
| Because we don't know anything about the sport, really. | ||
| So when you're telling me, like, hey, you're lucky to be, you know, in a sense, but we're lucky to be watching these guys. | ||
| This is not normal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| John Jones was when he fought Daniel Cormier. | ||
| Like, I didn't know really... | ||
| Cormier, right? | ||
| And I didn't really know him. | ||
| So I see John Jones beat him. | ||
| And then I'm like, okay. | ||
| And then Daniel Cormier fights Stipe Miocic. | ||
| The one he beat, and he destroyed him. | ||
| And then I go, oh, that's how good John Jones is? | ||
| Like, I'm like... | ||
| Because, you know, John Jones looks so dominant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I see Daniel, and you're like, oh, Daniel's like one of the greatest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you're like, oh, that guy's even... | ||
| Like, putting these... | ||
| Pieces together is huge. | ||
| Yeah, champions that beat champions. | ||
| And when that gets explained, I think UFC is doing the best job of explaining that kind of thing. | ||
| The press conferences, I'll watch every Dana White press conference. | ||
| No one talks like that, dude. | ||
| I watch all these sports. | ||
| It's the same answers. | ||
| Is Tom Brady going to retire? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe he's not. | ||
| It's the same who cares answer. | ||
| It's pointless. | ||
| Dana White, after the Conor fight, they're like, did you talk to Khabib? | ||
| He's like, yeah, I just called him. | ||
| Khabib said, none of these people are on my level. | ||
| You're like, I've never heard a president tell me what the guy said. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the answer you want to know. | ||
| And Dana just tells you. | ||
| He'll be like, I'm about to go have dinner with him. | ||
| You're like, I don't think I should. | ||
| I've never heard the owner of the Cowboys tell me that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He never told me I'm about to go talk to this guy. | |
| No, Dana White, he's like one of those guys that has fuck you money and actually says fuck you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a rare person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That shows. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And so I got my friends now and I'm like, hey, we gotta watch this. | ||
| Now I know more. | ||
| He fits the sport. | ||
| Fits the sport perfectly. | ||
| Because the sport's just a wild sport and he's a wild president. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As far as someone who's in control of a gigantic sports organization, the way he talks and how much he swears. | ||
| It's not normal. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| I mean, yeah, how much like... | ||
| But that's what makes it good. | ||
| You can't have like politically correct people running a cage fighting organization. | ||
| It's just like too ridiculous. | ||
| They don't make sense together. | ||
| It doesn't. | ||
| Usman is actually fighting Jorge Masvidal in a full arena next month, which is fucking crazy. | ||
| So I might have to cancel shows in May, folks. | ||
| I might get the cooties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| This might be the time. | ||
| This might be the time. | ||
| I'm going to fill up with vitamins and God knows what else. | ||
| Full audience. | ||
| Yeah, 15,000 people. | ||
| I mean, and to see them, they just fought, but he filled in for him, right? | ||
| Well, what happened was a short notice fight where Masvidal took the fight on six days notice, and everyone says that Usman dominated him. | ||
| Which he definitely won. | ||
| Usman definitely won the fight. | ||
| There's no question. | ||
| But Masvidal had some moments in that fight. | ||
| Particularly standing up. | ||
| Where he caught Usman with some good shots. | ||
| At the very beginning, right? | ||
| Where it looked like he was in trouble. | ||
| He definitely had his moments. | ||
| And when you consider the fact that the guy didn't have any time to prepare. | ||
| Like, no time. | ||
| Six days notice to take the fight. | ||
| It would be a curious fight to see as a rematch. | ||
| However... | ||
| There's a lot of other people in the division that are also elite. | ||
| And then there's the conversations like, are they having this because it's the most marketable fight? | ||
| Are they having this because they think he deserves it after he took the fight on short notice? | ||
| There's a lot of good arguments in that way. | ||
| Like, hey, a guy puts on a very good performance with six days notice. | ||
| How's he going to do with six weeks or eight weeks? | ||
| How's he going to do with a real camp? | ||
| I don't know how much time he's even had to prepare. | ||
| I don't know if he's had six weeks. | ||
| I mean, from now to the fight is what? | ||
| Five weeks? | ||
| How many weeks is it from now until that UFC card? | ||
| The big one in Florida. | ||
| Are the camps, like, is it that crazy when he has to go fight when Usman just has to change and go fight another guy? | ||
| Because you're preparing for his style? | ||
| Is that what you're preparing for? | ||
| Like, hey, this dude likes to punch. | ||
| You also need recovery time. | ||
| He just had a... | ||
| Well, it was a quick knockout. | ||
| It was a second-round knockout with Gilbert Burns. | ||
| But he did have some moments in the first round where he got cracked and he got dropped. | ||
| And then he also did go through a long training camp. | ||
| And when you go through long training camps, there's always injuries. | ||
| Guys tweak their neck or they fuck their knee up or their ankle gets rolled. | ||
| There's always something. | ||
| And you don't know about that. | ||
| Like, for instance... | ||
| When Usman fought Masvidal the first time, he had a broken nose going into the fight. | ||
| So his nose was broken in the fight. | ||
| He broke it two weeks before the fight. | ||
| So he had a broken nose to start with. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| And they don't check? | ||
| They don't check. | ||
| If he wants to fight, it's like that's his... | ||
| I mean, the only way to check a broken nose is to get an x-ray. | ||
| When you look at his nose, his nose looks fine. | ||
| He's got a crack in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How are you going to know? | ||
| You're not going to know. | ||
| So after the fight, they go, hey, you got a broken nose. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, I had that already. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like underlining conditioning. | ||
| But also, you know, and he got hit a lot in that fight because Masvidal can crack. | ||
| And Masvidal's a really good striker. | ||
| He's very clever. | ||
| But Usman is that high level. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah, like it's like... | ||
| He's lost once his whole career, never lost the UFC, and literally... | ||
| Maybe he's only lost one or two rounds ever in his career. | ||
| I mean, you could make the argument that maybe he lost the first round of the Gilbert Burns fight, but towards the end of that first round, he was kind of beating Burns up when Burns was on the ground, but he did get dropped with some big punches, but then he wound up enforcing his will and pushing his will onto Gilbert. | ||
| So you could make an argument that maybe Gilbert might have squeaked that round by, but maybe not. | ||
| But then the second round, he smashes him. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| He's so physically strong. | ||
| His mind is so strong. | ||
| That guy's knees are so fucked up, man. | ||
| They're so fucked up he can't run. | ||
| He has to do all kinds of different forms of cardio because his knees were so mangled. | ||
| He told me that when he would walk after training, he wouldn't walk on the sidewalk. | ||
| He'd have to walk on the grass because it hurt his knees to walk on the sidewalk. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But he gets in there, you don't notice it. | ||
| I've never even heard that. | ||
| His idea is, listen, I'm just going to wear these motherfuckers out while I'm the champ, and then I'll get my knees replaced when I get older. | ||
| Well, that's when I looked up who he would fight next, because then you look, you know, it's hard to sometimes even tell if they're weight classes, because sometimes you see a guy, you're like, what's this guy, like 190? | ||
| Like 120 pounds. | ||
| You're like, oh, he's just jacked. | ||
| He's on TV, so I don't know. | ||
| Because I didn't realize Israel, Stylebender, he's pretty tall. | ||
| I didn't realize how big he was. | ||
| And you're like, oh, he's a pretty big dude. | ||
| But they're in that weight class. | ||
| But Khabib and Usman, they can never fight. | ||
| They're too far. | ||
| I think he said he wouldn't fight him. | ||
| Well, Khabib is 170, Usman is 155, Usman is 170. Khabib could fight at 170 if he wanted to. | ||
| He just wouldn't cut as much weight. | ||
| He's not the same size as Usman, but he absolutely could compete at 170 if he wanted to. | ||
| But he's done. | ||
| He's retiring. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| His father died. | ||
| His father got COVID and died, and he made a promise to his mother that he would stop fighting after this last fight. | ||
| So he beat Justin Gaethje, defended his title, 29-0, and he's like, that's it, I'm done. | ||
| And the UFC's been trying to talk him into fighting again, but so far... | ||
| He would have to see a reason to come back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's a simple living guy. | ||
| I mean, he's a complex person, but he drives a Toyota truck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Millionaire. | ||
| Multi-millionaire. | ||
| He drives a fucking regular car, lives in the same house he's lived in forever. | ||
| He's very religious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Devout Muslim. | ||
| So he doesn't have any need for wealth or riches, and he's beloved in his country. | ||
| I mean, he's a hero. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why not? | |
| I would imagine. | ||
| Why not go out on top? | ||
| And also, why not go out with all your faculties intact, millions of dollars in the bank? | ||
| That's the dream. | ||
| The dream of every fighter is to go out, an undefeated champion, with millions of dollars in the bank, at the top of your game, in your prime, not when your skills are starting to deteriorate, not when you're taking too many shots, but go out on top. | ||
| And that's what he's decided to do. | ||
| And I salute that. | ||
| I think it's awesome. | ||
| I would love to see him fight again, just because I'm a fan, because he's a monster. | ||
| But I also, I love the fact that he decided not to. | ||
| He's so, yeah, he's so, like, I've enjoyed, when I found out about him to really get to watch him, just because it was like, oh, this guy, I'm watching Michael Jordan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so, like, I like, you know, then you start getting really into it. | ||
| And then, I mean, with Justin Gaethje was kind of, I was like, oh, Justin Gaethje looked so good against Tony Ferguson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I don't know the name of fighting, but I'm like, he looks crazy. | ||
| This is going to be crazy. | ||
| And then it's just really not. | ||
| Because Khabib is unreal. | ||
| He's unreal. | ||
| He mauls people. | ||
| I think women division too, that's another thing. | ||
| UFC is basically the only sport I'm really watching excited for women fights. | ||
| These big names. | ||
| And UFC does an amazing job At that. | ||
| And I always think that's pretty crazy to be like... | ||
| You're just not used to that as a sports fan. | ||
| You know, the WNBA or something. | ||
| Not that you don't like these sports, but you just don't tend to watch them. | ||
| Don't get pumped up about professional women's sports. | ||
| And I bought Ronda Rousey. | ||
| I mean, Ronda Rousey was a big kind of... | ||
| Well, she was the one who made it. | ||
| She made it big. | ||
| And before her, Gina Carano, who got in trouble. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's where she came. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That's where she came from. | ||
| That whole fucking ridiculous shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mandalorian. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Claressa Shields is the, obviously, if you do fall boxing, most people fall boxing know who she is. | ||
| But she's the only one in that boxing world. | ||
| And she's a multiple-time world champion. | ||
| She's won in multiple divisions. | ||
| She won the gold medal in the 2012 and then again in the 2016 Olympics. | ||
| And now she's an undefeated professional boxer. | ||
| The Elite of the Elite, she's going to fight in MMA now. | ||
| She's doing both for a while, and she's going to fight in June in her first MMA fight. | ||
| There's an organization called the PFL. And she was on here yesterday, and that's one of the things that Clarissa was talking about was that... | ||
| In boxing, they don't really promote women's fights, other than really hers is the only one. | ||
| And she feels that's underpromoted. | ||
| But that's why women's boxing just doesn't have the same value as women's MMA. Because women in MMA, they make great money, and there's big stars. | ||
| Big stars. | ||
| Yeah, it's huge. | ||
| Holly Holmes, I'd watch all her fights after that, like after the Ronda Rousey thing. | ||
| Amanda Nunes is a huge star. | ||
| Is she, though, Amanda Nunez, is no one can beat her? | ||
| She's a destroyer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's a destroyer. | ||
| I mean, it's not that no one can beat her, because she has lost in the past. | ||
| I mean, Kat Zingano stopped her in a UFC fight, but she fucked Kat up so bad that Kat was having hormone imbalances after the fight. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Had brain damage after the fight and had to go and have this magnetic treatment on her brain that they do to soldiers after they get blown up. | ||
| Wild shit, man. | ||
| That's how hard she hits. | ||
| The first round, she had Kat in all sorts of trouble, but Kat survived, then went on to stop her. | ||
| It was a wild fight. | ||
| I'll never forget it. | ||
| I'll never forget the end of the fight. | ||
| Kat, after she stopped the fight, after the referee stopped the fight, she screamed. | ||
| But it was like... | ||
| Like, from her DNA. It was, like, primal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was, like, one of the most bone-chilling screams I've ever heard a woman fight. | ||
| And Kat Zangano is fierce. | ||
| She's always been fierce. | ||
| But to hear her scream like that was like, whoa, to this day, I'll listen to that and go, god. | ||
| Just imagine where she was in the brink of defeat, taking all sorts of crazy punishment from the biggest striker in terms of, like, knockout power in Bantamweight history. | ||
| That's Amanda Nunes. | ||
| I mean, she starches women. | ||
| And this... | ||
| Here, play this. | ||
| You can hear this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| No! | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's not fake. | ||
| That's from her DNA, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was primal. | ||
| Well, it's like they're in their own... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| She wouldn't even remember that whole experience. | ||
| You would not even know what's going on. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a wild fight. | ||
| Did you get into UFC or that kind of fighting? | ||
| Was it around where you could watch it? | ||
| I know Horace Gracie. | ||
| I kind of remember hearing about that when I was a kid, I guess. | ||
| The first one I saw was in 90... | ||
| Three or four. | ||
| I saw it after the first event had aired, and I'm pretty sure I watched the second one. | ||
| I heard about it, but I didn't see it live. | ||
| And then I saw the second one. | ||
| I'm 99% sure I got it from a video store. | ||
| Like, they had it for rent at a video store. | ||
| It was UFC 2. Because I don't believe they had the rights to have UFC 1 back then. | ||
| I think you can only get UFC 2 on video. | ||
| And I remember watching it and watching this fairly slim Brazilian guy just strangle all these people. | ||
| And I remember thinking, holy shit, I gotta learn that! | ||
| It was what everybody always wanted from martial arts. | ||
| Everybody always wanted the really talented small guy to be able to beat the much bigger, stronger guy. | ||
| But the reality of striking is that that doesn't really exist very often. | ||
| Most of the time, bigger, stronger people fuck up smaller, better people. | ||
| That's why the weight classes are so important. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because they're at such a high level that if I hit you, it's going to hurt way worse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just bone structure. | ||
| That's just an insurmountable obstacle. | ||
| It doesn't mean that a smaller person that's super talented can't beat a bigger person that's stronger and faster but not as talented. | ||
| It is possible, even with strikers. | ||
| But most of the time it's too dangerous. | ||
| You'll never see a welterweight champion fight the heavyweight champion. | ||
| You just won't see it. | ||
| Even if you get an elite Terrence Crawford, super top of the food chain, lighterweight champion, he's not going to fight Deontay Wilder. | ||
| It's just too dangerous. | ||
| They're too big. | ||
| But in the UFC, that's exactly what happened. | ||
| You saw this 175-pound guy who is not intimidating physically. | ||
| He looks like an athlete, but he's not big and jacked. | ||
| And he was arm-barring these guys that were 100 pounds more than him. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And to watch that, it was like this was what everybody always wanted from martial arts. | ||
| They wanted technique and skill to overcome all of these advantages that someone would have in size and power. | ||
| It was like, I would ask, so I started too with Luis J. Gomez, and so Luis was a big reason too, Luis and Dave with MMA, because they were such big fans of it. | ||
| So like back in New York, they would always talk about it. | ||
| And too, that was a big part of it, like kind of hearing about it and being like, what's going on? | ||
| But I remember talking to Bisping with Luis once. | ||
| I was always fascinated too with the confidence that they can walk around with. | ||
| Like, no one really knows, like, the confidence that, like, we asked Bisping, you're like, you're just never scared of anybody. | ||
| Like, nobody's, when you walk around, I'm not in the, you don't want to, not that he wants to fight anybody, but you don't have, if I walk around and there's a bigger guy near me, you're just like, if that guy wanted to fight, like, hit me, like, he just can. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so Bisping, I was like, you just don't ever feel that? | ||
| He's like, no, I don't know. | ||
| And he just walks around, dude. | ||
| And we're like, could you kill someone? | ||
| He's like, yeah, you know. | ||
| And we're like, how long? | ||
| And I think he was like, having 10 seconds or something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're just like, jeez, dude, that's crazy, dude. | |
| And that's what you love. | ||
| When you watch those games, you're like, yeah. | ||
| What's that like? | ||
| What's it like to go to a mall and see a pack of 40 teenagers walk up to you and just be like, I mean, walk right through them, but I will destroy all of you. | ||
| It just doesn't matter. | ||
| I don't know if it's like a guy feeling that you want. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a superpower. | ||
| Every guy wishes that he was that guy. | ||
| That's why the Hulk was always such a popular comic book. | ||
| You're picking on this little skinny guy. | ||
| If you make him mad, then this fucking gigantic guy comes out of his body and smashes everybody. | ||
| One time I saw Tyron Woodley at Disney World when we were there. | ||
| I always thought about this. | ||
| I think he was with his family and his daughter or something. | ||
| His daughter just told him no. | ||
| Being a kid, whatever she is, four or five years old. | ||
| And she just kind of says no to him. | ||
| And I remember just thinking, that guy can beat up every human in this park. | ||
| But what I love shows of him as a parent, that is, I always love that his daughter, who's the smallest of all of us at this park, is the least scared of that guy. | ||
| And we are all deathly scared of you. | ||
| It shows that you're a good parent. | ||
| She's just a human. | ||
| She's a human. | ||
| And she looks at it as like, I don't care who you are. | ||
| That's my dad. | ||
| And you want to walk over and be like, if he gets upset, though, he's going to hit one of us. | ||
| And we will all pay for it. | ||
| He would never, though. | ||
| That guy is the friendliest guy ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is. | |
| He's very friendly. | ||
| Well, that's why he shows up that he's a great parent. | ||
| And I love it because, I don't know, I always just love that dynamic. | ||
| It's funny to be like the only person not scared of him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is this tiniest little girl that's like, no. | ||
| Tyron's doing something. | ||
| He's involved in the weed game now. | ||
| He's been hanging around a lot with Be Real from Cypress Hill. | ||
| He's always doing things with them. | ||
| He was on hot boxing with Mike Tyson. | ||
| That's a real... | ||
| The weed game is... | ||
| The weed game. | ||
| The weed game is like a real thing. | ||
| My buddy Soder, Dan Soder, he'd always talk about that because he's from Colorado. | ||
| And I mean, he'd just be like, losers... | ||
| I think he had a joke about it. | ||
| He's like, losers are doing, in high school, are like multi-millionaires now because they just waited it out. | ||
| And now they have like a real company. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've been offered to get into business, but I'm like, until it's federally legal, that's an attack vector. | ||
| Like, if you really have some multi-million dollar weed company, like, is that legal? | ||
| How legal is this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know there's a lot of people making money, but there's a lot of situations where they can't even deposit. | ||
| They have to have cash. | ||
| They have cash-only businesses in some places, at least they did for a while, where they were hiring special forces guys to guard cash from these dispensaries in Colorado. | ||
| Colorado was one of the first states that went open. | ||
| I think it was Colorado, Washington State, and a couple other ones that made it legal early on. | ||
| And when they first did it, one of the big dilemmas was they couldn't get credit cards. | ||
| They couldn't get banks to use credit cards with them. | ||
| So no one could pay with anything other than cash. | ||
| So they had these places where they're doing insane amounts of business. | ||
| They have weed tourism that was in Denver. | ||
| And they'd have lines around the block of people paying cash. | ||
| And then someone would come in with a ski mask on and fucking rob them. | ||
| And then there was also people that were leaving the bank with bags of cash and taking it to the bank. | ||
| Excuse me, leaving the dispensary with bags of cash and taking it to the bank. | ||
| And they knew that there was cash in these cars, so they had to have guys with black sedans following them with armed guards, armed guards in the truck. | ||
| It was a very complicated sort of a situation. | ||
| Where they were very vulnerable because they because no one wanted anything to do with them It wasn't that they didn't want anything to do with them They wanted the money like the banks took the money because it was legal in the state But it's not federally legal right so if you have a like a company like Citibank or a company like you know American Express They're not gonna let you use credit cards to buy weed because that's and then what if they get in trouble and Because it's a weird gray area, | ||
| because when things are federally Schedule 1, Schedule 1 is the most illegal, and that's what marijuana is, which is ridiculous, because it's legal in how many states now, Jamie? | ||
| 19 or some shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I wanted to say. | |
| 19 or 21 or something. | ||
| And it's legal medically. | ||
| I think it's legal in Texas medically. | ||
| But I think you have to have something really wrong. | ||
| You have to have full-on paralyzing epilepsy or something. | ||
| It wasn't like in LA when they were... | ||
| They'd always... | ||
| I always just heard, I just could tell a doctor, like, I have restless legs syndrome. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Headaches, can't sleep, anxiety. | ||
| Here you go. | ||
| They said no to no one. | ||
| My doctor, this great doctor that I went to, and he had dreadlocks. | ||
| Do you know what a volcano is? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| It's a vaporizer. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's a weird one because the way a volcano works, it looks like a volcano, like a steel version of an industrial volcano. | ||
| And then on the top of that, you attach this nozzle that attaches to a giant plastic bag, like this plastic bag. | ||
| Most plastic bags that they would vaporize with would be, you know, like... | ||
| A foot and a half, two feet high. | ||
| This fucking dude had a five foot long bag. | ||
| I walked into this place. | ||
| This was when weed was really shaky. | ||
| It was real weird. | ||
| I'm talking like 1999, 2000. I was going to one dispensary that was in Inglewood. | ||
| Inglewood is... | ||
| It can be sketchy. | ||
| It can be a dangerous part of town. | ||
| And the Inglewood Wellness Center is the place that I used to go to. | ||
| But the guy that I used to go and buy weed from got shot. | ||
| So the same sort of situation. | ||
| You had to pay with cash. | ||
| I think you had to pay with cash back then. | ||
| But either way, he gets robbed and shot. | ||
| And I was like, fuck, I'm not going to that place anymore. | ||
| So I found this new one. | ||
| And I walk in, doctor's gut dreadlocks, five foot tall, like enormous bag filled up with weed vapor. | ||
| I mean, just like a cloud. | ||
| And he looks at me and he goes, you look sick! | ||
| He goes, you need medicine! | ||
| And he told it onto this thing and we were just laughing. | ||
| I'm like, what is this? | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| So we got high with this guy and he takes me back to the grow room. | ||
| And when you're super duper high and you walk into a grow room, one of the weird things is like, I mean, maybe it's just me being high, but I felt like they were intelligent. | ||
| Like I'm in this room and there's all this artificial light and there's all these vibrant, healthy pot plants. | ||
| Because these guys had like a super sophisticated operation. | ||
| It was a big ass room, like as big as that opening area on the front of the studio. | ||
| And you walk in there and there's like... | ||
| Hundreds and hundreds of plants and all these lights and you walk in and it's almost like, hello! | ||
| Like the plants are saying hi to you. | ||
| They felt, granted, I'm out of my mind, hi. | ||
| I can't go back to this, you're in your car the whole time. | ||
| Well, no, we stayed there for There was no way I was driving. | ||
| We were there for a long time. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| But it was like that then. | ||
| By the way, I was not famous back then. | ||
| I was on a television show. | ||
| The guy probably didn't know. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck. | ||
| They were just friendly. | ||
| That's the thing about... | ||
| Super high people. | ||
| Either they're real paranoid, they don't want to talk to anybody, or they're real friendly. | ||
| And this guy was real friendly. | ||
| And everybody there was real friendly. | ||
| They were all just really cool. | ||
| And they're showing me how the water drips into the plants and keeps them healthy, and how they have this sort of irrigation system set up. | ||
| I mean, you see that back then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had to... | ||
| Because it felt so illegal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Back then. | ||
| Yeah, super illegal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But not, because it was legal in the state, and I did have a license. | ||
| I did have a medical prescription, because I get headaches. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I get headaches, bro. | ||
| And also, I've had a bunch of surgeries. | ||
| It does help with pain, you know? | ||
| What really helps me, though, is CBD, which is non-psychoactive. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I always hear about CBD. Oh, it's great. | ||
| If you have arthritis or sore joints or shit like that, it's great for it. | ||
| It's great for some people. | ||
| It really helps with anxiety. | ||
| It helps them sleep and shit. | ||
| But back then, no one even knew what the fuck CBD was. | ||
| People are just getting high. | ||
| And for a lot of people, it changed their life. | ||
| People that were cancer patients, that were going through chemotherapy, that lost all their appetite, they would smoke weed, they would have their appetite back, and then they'd be able to eat, and they'd feel better. | ||
| People slept better. | ||
| It doesn't work with everybody. | ||
| Some people it's just not a good drug for. | ||
| It just doesn't. | ||
| Do you smoke weed? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, see, there you go. | ||
| It's not for everybody. | ||
| Yeah, it's not for everybody. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah, I get it. | ||
| I mean, the idea of it, you know, I always think about that, like, if you had, like, my daughter, like, would I rather her drink or smoke weed? | ||
| Like, you know, because it's like, alcohol is crazy. | ||
| Alcohol, I mean... | ||
| It can lead to being violent, to being, you know, these car wrecks. | ||
| I'm sure Weed has that stuff too. | ||
| By the time she's 8, so by the time I say she's 21, I mean, who knows? | ||
| Weed might be way more acceptable versus I'm still from the era that you feel like it's bad. | ||
| I think one of the problems with weed is that, first of all, no one who's growing up, no one whose mind is developing should be doing any hardcore shit. | ||
| They shouldn't be taking alcohol. | ||
| They shouldn't be taking marijuana. | ||
| They just shouldn't be. | ||
| It's not good for you. | ||
| We give both that to our daughter. | ||
| We're trying to let her choose now. | ||
| Well, kids are gonna do it. | ||
| They're gonna do something. | ||
| But neither one is good for you. | ||
| Like, if you're 16, you're getting high every day, that's not good. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| If you're 16, you're getting drunk every day, that's not good either. | ||
| Both those things are bad. | ||
| But at least with alcohol, like, a shot is a shot, right? | ||
| You go to a store, you buy a bottle of whiskey, you take a shot of whiskey, That's what it is. | ||
| With pot, you could have a cookie, you don't know what the fuck it is. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| It could be 20 milligrams, or it could be 250 milligrams. | ||
| Joey Diaz sits around dosing people all the time. | ||
| He gives them these stars of death that are 250 milligrams, and you see people losing their mind. | ||
| They think they're in another dimension. | ||
| Yeah, but you would feel trapped, right? | ||
| I started having claustrophobia, and I imagine it feels like a lot of that. | ||
| Right, but for Joey, it's awesome. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He can eat three or four of those and just laugh his ass off. | ||
| If he does get paranoid, he gets over it. | ||
| What if you overdosed on weed? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| No, it's not going to kill you. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, unless you have a very peculiar biology. | ||
| Maybe I shouldn't say it's not going to kill you, but I have never heard of a single human being ever dying from marijuana. | ||
| Now, does that mean they haven't died from decisions they've made? | ||
| When they're high? | ||
| You gotta try to fly while it jumps off a building. | ||
| I'm sure they have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Well, that makes sense to you at the level. | ||
| Yeah, if you get really high and you drive off a cliff. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure people have done shit when they're high. | ||
| But people have done... | ||
| How many things have people done when they're on Ambien? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Nobody's scrambling to make that illegal. | ||
| Yeah, they give it to them on planes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And he's just walking around. | ||
| Oh, people lose their marbles on that shit. | ||
| And they sleepwalk and say things they don't even know they said. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like Chris Pratt. | ||
| He takes Ambien and he was telling me all the wacky shit that he'll text people when he's on Ambien. | ||
| And then the next day they go, hey man, what the fuck? | ||
| What was last night about? | ||
| He's like, huh? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| And they'll show him, he's like, oh dude, I was on Ambien. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck I said. | ||
| Kevin James, he cooked a meal. | ||
| He went downstairs, I think he went to the supermarket, bought food, cooked a meal, and then woke up in the morning and wanted to call the police. | ||
| Because someone broke into his house and cooked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It'd be great if someone did do it, but he still thinks it's Ambien. | ||
| Some guy's like, dude, I almost got caught one time. | ||
| Went to Kevin's house. | ||
| Went to Kevin's house. | ||
| Cooked a turkey. | ||
| Turns out he's Ambien, and I just blamed it on that. | ||
| Oh, it's not good, man, for some people. | ||
| They have this... | ||
| Because it doesn't really give you the same sleep, either. | ||
| Like, it puts you in this weird state where you don't, like... | ||
| It just knocks you out, you know? | ||
| I would always have trouble sleeping, but a lot of it for me is food. | ||
| I'll eat Sour Patch Kids and drink soda at 11 o'clock at night. | ||
| And then I'm like, I'll go to the doctor, like, why can't I go to sleep at night? | ||
| I'm like, I'm in so much trouble. | ||
| And you're like, yeah, dude, you're throwing nonsense into your body. | ||
| Yeah, that's not good. | ||
| Sugar at night's the worst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| I'm quitting drinking diet soda on the day my special, on the 18th. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I drink a lot of diet soda. | ||
| And I'm kind of convinced that I think it leads me to bad decisions. | ||
| So I'll eat candy. | ||
| I mean, dude, I eat. | ||
| It's bad, dude. | ||
| I got, like, coming here, I just went and had a barbecue right when I got here. | ||
| And then I had a hamburger. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| Cooper's. | ||
| It was just like, it was the only one, a lot of them were closed. | ||
| Some of them were closed on Monday or something. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And then, yeah, a few were closed. | ||
| They're, you know, I couldn't really figure it out. | ||
| Like, I looked at just online. | ||
| So the Cooper's is supposed to be, I don't know. | ||
| It says, they all got good reviews. | ||
| They all have, like, really good reviews. | ||
| Like, old-time Cooper's or something. | ||
| So I went in there and ate. | ||
| And then it's like, dude, I don't know how to eat good. | ||
| I don't come from, you know, growing up in Nashville, we ate just all chain stuff. | ||
| That's all I know how to wrap my head around. | ||
| Chain food? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| I met my wife at Applebee's. | ||
| My whole life goes through chain stuff. | ||
| So when you go on the road, do you see chain stores, chain restaurants? | ||
| Every second of it, dude. | ||
| I walk through every mall in America. | ||
| It's the greatest time of my life. | ||
| I love a mall so much. | ||
| What's number one? | ||
| At a mall? | ||
| Yeah, what's the number one chain? | ||
| Oh, number one chain I go to? | ||
| We started going to Outback, you know, so you come into a little more money, you go to Outback a little bit more. | ||
| I still love Applebee's. | ||
| I love every one of them. | ||
| Buffalo Wild Wings, I like. | ||
| You watch a lot of fights there, watch big games there. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah, I go to... | ||
| It's hard to fuck up good wings. | ||
| McDonald's, I'm a giant... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Really? | ||
| I think we should show McDonald's more respect. | ||
| It's the most successful restaurant in the world. | ||
| Why don't you walk in and wear a tuxedo when you go in. | ||
| You go in there with pajamas. | ||
| You're just some loser. | ||
| We're lucky they opened the door to us. | ||
| I'm a big fan of Filet-O-Fish's. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| If I'm coming home from a late night comedy show and I'm hungry and I'm like, fuck it, I get two filet of fishes. | ||
| Oh, it's the greatest. | ||
| Because it's easy. | ||
| You get them quick. | ||
| What do you do on the road? | ||
| What would you do on the road before? | ||
| Now I know the road is so much different. | ||
| When you get into theaters, you get into arenas, stuff gets different. | ||
| But when you were doing comedy clubs... | ||
| Would you just go eat somewhere? | ||
| Like you just go find a real restaurant? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or Waffle House. | ||
| I'll do Waffle House. | ||
| So are you eating bad though? | ||
| It depends. | ||
| I don't eat bad every day, but I do eat bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't do it every day. | ||
| I try to limit the amount of times I eat bad, but I do eat bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See? | ||
| I just think food should be two things. | ||
| It should be nutrition, and it should also be enjoyment. | ||
| And you've got to separate those things. | ||
| You've got to know when you're eating nonsense, but you're just enjoying it. | ||
| Like, oh, this is so good. | ||
| And then you feel like shit. | ||
| You've got to take your lumps. | ||
| Because you eat an ice cream sundae and a cheeseburger with fries, and it feels like you got hit with a tranquilizer dart. | ||
| You're like, ugh. | ||
| I had a pecan brownie and chocolate ice cream last night, and I feel amazing about this one. | ||
| I do feel it as I'm 41, and it's like the second you turn 40, dude, you're like, this is crazy. | ||
| You feel that tiredness. | ||
| It just affects you. | ||
| My body's trained. | ||
| Right now, it's like, not trained, but it's like, I can handle some bad food way more than most people. | ||
| Because I'm eating it so regularly. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I mean, I have a very, like, I get, too, I let myself get, you get hungry where you don't know what to do. | ||
| And I'm starving. | ||
| And so then my brain only goes to eating out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you know, I don't have food. | ||
| Like, my wife will cook, but, like, it's not like I just have, like, something at home. | ||
| Like, I'm like, you know, I just get to the point of where you're just too starving, then you make no good decision. | ||
| Late night is always the worst for me, because I'll eat when I'm not even hungry. | ||
| I'm just bored. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, like, I'm writing or something, or I'm watching TV. I'll just go grab some potato chips, and then next, you know, I'm half a bag in, and I'm like, ugh, what have I done? | ||
| I didn't even need that. | ||
| I wasn't hungry. | ||
| I just was forcing salty things in my mouth. | ||
| And then you get a few in there and you're like, oh, let's keep going. | ||
| This is the best. | ||
| Let's keep going until we get sick. | ||
| It's the greatest thing ever, dude. | ||
| But is diet soda not good? | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good, right? | ||
| Well, they say it actually... | ||
| I mean, I've read a bunch of shit on it. | ||
| First of all, aspartame is supposed to be not good for you. | ||
| It's very sketchy. | ||
| But apparently you have to drink a lot of it for it to be dangerous. | ||
| And when they do these studies with aspartame in rats, apparently they... | ||
| What they did with the... | ||
| They dosed them up with some extraordinary amount. | ||
| So when people say it's correlated with cancer and all these different things... | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But the problem with that is like, what are the other things that are in your life that might be causing you cancer? | ||
| Is it stress? | ||
| What are the foods that you're eating with that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I live in a power lines. | |
| You live in a power lines? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I drink Diet Coke under a power line. | ||
| You think that's going to be a problem? | ||
| I think it's fine. | ||
| Are you getting sleep? | ||
| There's so many factors that lead someone to get sick. | ||
| But when they do these rat studies, then they can go, well, they can control everything. | ||
| But then humans aren't rats, so it's tricky. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just don't think it's good for you. | ||
| I think it leads to bad. | ||
| Well, you want... | ||
| I don't want to drink... | ||
| I don't eat pizza with water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, it's like there's stuff like that. | ||
| I'm not going to go to the movies and get popcorn and have water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, that's no fun. | ||
| No, you want a Diet Coke. | ||
| And so, like, if I get rid of... | ||
| That's the way I look at it. | ||
| And I am... | ||
| into those things not like I occasionally have popcorn like I have it more I would always say like McDonald's could never throw I I'm never surprised when I go to McDonald's menu I'm always pretty aware what they're doing like when the you know when the the rib sandwich McRib comes back like yeah dude I've someone's like you know McRib's back like yeah dude I've already had a few of them I remember the day it came back you got the email I get updated. | ||
| I know what's happening, dude. | ||
| I'm not blown away. | ||
| What I used to love was when I would go to a movie theater and they had real butter for the popcorn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, oh. | |
| Real butter and salt. | ||
| Because that funky fake butter, it's somehow or another better than no butter. | ||
| But not as good as butter. | ||
| Like, what is that shit? | ||
| I don't ever... | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you get that squirt... | |
| Yeah, I don't ever put it on. | ||
| I mean, it's made to just get stuff on your hands under the seat. | ||
| That's all that happens, dude. | ||
| You're eating the popcorn, and I mean, you just can't... | ||
| This hand's gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| What is the oil? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I just Googled what it basically is. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's partially hydrogenated soybean oil. | ||
| Oh, it's terrible for you. | ||
| It's making you grow titties. | ||
| That stuff is going to turn you into a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you have those? | |
| Oh, well if you're a woman it'll turn you into more of a woman maybe. | ||
| That's what I always wanted to work out. | ||
| I just want you to not be able to see my nipples through my shirt. | ||
| That's all I've ever wanted. | ||
| It's as simple as that. | ||
| The man boobs. | ||
| The man boobs. | ||
| Man boobs are depressing. | ||
| That's a depressing thing for a guy, to have man boobs. | ||
| And then some guys, when they lose weight, then they still have the man boobs. | ||
| They just have deflated man boobs. | ||
| Then they have to get cut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they have to trim all your fat back or trim all your skin back to where it used to be stretched out because of fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who's that actor? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Ethan. | ||
| He was on Your Mom's House. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what he's saying? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That guy lost... | ||
| Lost a ton of weight. | ||
| Like 200 pounds. | ||
| Some insane... | ||
| And he's jacked now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, he's really healthy. | ||
| The other guy who's done that is Action Bronson. | ||
| Action Bronson's lost a shitload of weight. | ||
| Like, look at that guy now. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I mean, he's fucking ripped, but you see how his extra skin around his stomach, that was all just skin. | ||
| That just never goes away. | ||
| No, you have to have it operated on. | ||
| Look at that picture there. | ||
| The one, yeah, right there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Look, he's looking like fucking a pro wrestler. | ||
| He looks huge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks like Triple H. Yeah, exactly. | |
| He looks... | ||
| You would never recognize him if you saw him somewhere. | ||
| I mean, he just wouldn't recognize himself. | ||
| No. | ||
| I can imagine... | ||
| That's a completely different person. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, completely different life. | ||
| I bet the way he feels must be amazing to go through life as this giant, overweight guy, literally morbidly obese. | ||
| Have you seen what happens to NFL linemen when they retire? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Joe Thomas. | |
| He was an all-pro his whole life. | ||
| And right when he quit playing, he sucked down weight instantly. | ||
| Well, he looks great. | ||
| Normal looking. | ||
| Well, he looks normal. | ||
| I don't know about normal. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Go back to that picture. | ||
| Yeah, maybe he's not big and fat anymore, but that guy's jacked. | ||
| Show me that picture, the second picture you showed. | ||
| Is that him as well? | ||
| Yeah, this is him playing. | ||
| He played forever. | ||
| Still, that's not a normal guy. | ||
| That guy looks fucking shredded. | ||
| I mean, he looks like a pro athlete. | ||
| But before, he was like, this is the way for the position. | ||
| He was a center, right? | ||
| Offensive lineman, tackle. | ||
| And then, so for that position, he's like, well, I need to be this. | ||
| I wonder what he did. | ||
| Just probably cleaned his diet up and started doing cardio and Atkins. | ||
| I think I read it right. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, I don't know, dude. | ||
| It looks great, though. | ||
| I love it when athletes retire and they don't get obese. | ||
| Because when they do get obese, it's kind of sad. | ||
| Well, they're usually so young. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they're in their 30s. | ||
| I remember someone saying that something always stuck with me. | ||
| I don't live by it. | ||
| But being like, I was like, why don't more people eat healthy? | ||
| And I remember him telling me, he's like, it's because they don't know how good it feels. | ||
| And so, like, if you're eating, like, you're just used to kind of having that drag of McDonald's. | ||
| I just ate McDonald's. | ||
| All day. | ||
| That's your life. | ||
| And anytime it starts to go away, you go, well, you're hungry again, and you go put it back in. | ||
| So your whole life is just kind of like a slowdown, and you just get very used to that. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| And we have no idea. | ||
| I mean, because the days that I've, you know, if I've ever been like, I'm doing no carbs or something, and you do it for two days, it's like you can feel like amazing. | ||
| Like you go, God, you just have energy, you feel great, or whatever, you know, for the little bit, just because it's a shock to my system. | ||
| That we're not eating just garbage, dude. | ||
| Like, I had... | ||
| I mean, like, my wife, like, she'll go, like, they went to Florida Universal, like, now. | ||
| And so, like, she leaves, like, two days before I leave. | ||
| And it's like, I mean, I already eat bad if she's around. | ||
| But if she's not around, it's like, I mean, I would have these, like, pre-made meals. | ||
| She's like, just eat one of those. | ||
| And I was like, no, thank you. | ||
| Like, if she's not there, a major problem, dude. | ||
| Yeah, no, I get it, man. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's so appealing. | ||
| You know, like you see a ring ding sitting there. | ||
| I could just have that. | ||
| I could have that mouth pleasure right now. | ||
| I could just put that in my mouth right now. | ||
| That chocolatey goodness and that creamy white filling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It would be the best thing ever, dude. | |
| I mean, he's the greatest. | ||
| Once it hits your tongue, too, your body doesn't know what the fuck a ring ding is. | ||
| All that sugar and this weird semi-digestible portion, because it's not normal. | ||
| Normal's orange. | ||
| That's normal. | ||
| Apple's normal. | ||
| Your body eats an apple. | ||
| It's like, eh, we know what this is. | ||
| Like, you don't get some crazy rush. | ||
| You don't get like, oh, oh. | ||
| But if you eat like a chocolate eclair or a Krispy Kreme, do you go to Krispy Kreme? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| A good bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, I go so much that I've started wearing my mask on in the car because I'm afraid that they're going to go, hey, what's up, man? | ||
| And then I can recognize it as a comedian, just as a customer. | ||
| Just as a regular dude. | ||
| I'll just act like I, you know, I don't really tell, it's not like I talk about it with my wife. | ||
| I pay cash a lot, so it can't be traced back to me, like a ton of cash. | ||
| How many do you get? | ||
| I will do four if I go. | ||
| Three to four. | ||
| That's what I... I got tired just hearing that. | ||
| I felt the sugar crash just hearing you. | ||
| I'll go golfing right after. | ||
| I just eat that to go golf. | ||
| And I'll walk 18 holes. | ||
| If you're moving around, I bet that's not the bad idea. | ||
| So you're saying I can do it? | ||
| It's not the worst idea. | ||
| So you're saying I'm on a good diet, Joe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Matt Frazier, who was a five-time CrossFit champion when he was here the other day, one of the things that he said is that even talking to high-level nutritionists, they would tell him after a brutal workout, get sugar in your system, drink a can of Coke, eat a Snickers bar. | ||
| And, like, sounds ridiculous, but your body, when you really exert yourself bad, it needs that sugar. | ||
| I think the problem is when you eat that sugar and then you don't do anything. | ||
| If you have a couple of donuts and you go golfing for a few hours, maybe not the worst thing in the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're out there walking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every day? | |
| No, I don't know about every day, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I don't know about every day. | ||
| I'm just trying to find a window. | ||
| Joe said I should be doing it. | ||
| I'm on the donut diet. | ||
| Apparently your body gets accustomed to donuts and then everything's good. | ||
| Yeah, did you hear that? | ||
| I feel like I can find an article for anything. | ||
| Listen, if you can find an article that says the world's flat, you can find an article that says donuts are good for you. | ||
| Those are the people I need to get behind. | ||
| They need to get behind donuts. | ||
| Fuck all this flat earth shit. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| Let's do something good and get behind Krispy Kreme donuts. | ||
| Someone needs to find a way to make a keto donut that really tastes like a Krispy Kreme donut. | ||
| Because most keto donuts are like, okay, pretty good. | ||
| I've had keto cookies, like, hmm, not bad. | ||
| But you're never like, oh, there's that orgasmic thing when you have like a really good, like a Mrs. Fields cookie. | ||
| You know, Mrs. Fields with those big ass chunks of chocolate in them and they're warm and they're a little bit mushy. | ||
| So you bite into them and your body's like, oh, keep going. | ||
| You just want to devour them. | ||
| Could Krispy Kreme be the tastiest thing? | ||
| I'm a huge McDonald's, I mean a huge ice cream fan. | ||
| I ate a lot of ice cream too. | ||
| But I mean, tastiest thing that you could eat. | ||
| It's tough to fuck with. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because maybe it's not the tastiest. | ||
| But it's unreal, dude. | ||
| For a Russia show, we're a warm one? | ||
| A warm Krispy Kreme? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They got that light. | ||
| I just realized it says original glaze is what that light means. | ||
| I thought it meant like... | ||
| I'll almost see what... | ||
| That's how dumb I am. | ||
| I would just see the light and I would go and be like, maybe it's chocolate donuts this time that are hot. | ||
| And it's never. | ||
| It's always glazed. | ||
| And I keep thinking, one day I'm going to catch them and they're going to have hot chocolate donuts. | ||
| And then just the other day, I read the sign and it says original glaze. | ||
| I was like, it's never hot chocolate donuts, dude. | ||
| It's always the original glaze. | ||
| Those original glaze, the difference between them being hot and not being hot is monumental. | ||
| Chappelle had that joke about it where he's like, if they made it out of crack, you would believe it. | ||
| Oh, did he? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| It's like that idea that you're like, it's that good. | ||
| They melt. | ||
| They melt. | ||
| You bite into it and it just sort of disappears. | ||
| Like cotton candy almost. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just because there's that much sugar in it. | ||
| It is like cotton candy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Cotton candy is amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing. | |
| I've had cotton candy pretty recently. | ||
| Really? | ||
| How often? | ||
| An hour ago? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| On the way. | ||
| I got some under the table. | ||
| You don't know that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What's your go-to thing, though, if you really want to just fuck up a diet? | ||
| I mean, it's my regular life. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what you mean, like my go-to. | ||
| I'm never not, I'm always doing something. | ||
| I started working out a lot, and so I've noticed, like, I can tell, like, my legs, which I always joke with, it feels like it's all legs. | ||
| That's all working out is, everyday's legs. | ||
| It just never stops. | ||
| You're like, let's do something else. | ||
| It's like, no, it's just legs. | ||
| But I, and I can tell that like, I could see my body getting a little different. | ||
| And then it's not changing that much. | ||
| And I'm like, what has to be, you know, because I'm working out and like going, then I'll go eat McDonald's and then I'll go do something else. | ||
| And so I'm never putting in, I don't think I eat enough. | ||
| I don't have enough calories. | ||
| I'll eat like one meal a day sometimes. | ||
| Because people that tend to eat bad can go a long time with eating. | ||
| You can see some really big people. | ||
| It's not like they're just eating 24 hours a day. | ||
| They eat at 8 o'clock like they haven't eaten in two weeks. | ||
| But then that's it. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| They wake up, and it's hard for them to wrap their head around going, like, well, I'm not hungry. | ||
| Intermittent fasting is not that hard for a lot, because you could be like, I don't know, whatever. | ||
| But during that window, it's going to be a problem, dude. | ||
| It's going to eat everything. | ||
| And that's when everybody... | ||
| Because I always think when someone explains something to be healthy... | ||
| They always tell you to, like, they always be like, well, be careful about fruit. | ||
| And you're like, well, let's let fruit be the, let's wait till that becomes the problem. | ||
| Like, I'm not where I'm at because someone's like, how much pineapple do you have last night? | ||
| You're like, I got after it. | ||
| Like, I had four apples if I couldn't put it down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's exactly true. | |
| You're like, just let me eat food. | ||
| But we will hear advice from the most in shape person. | ||
| And so they're like, well, you got to kind of be careful. | ||
| Yeah, that guy does. | ||
| Yeah, but that guy's trying to get shredded for a bodybuilding competition or something. | ||
| For me, they're like, let's just not go to McDonald's every day. | ||
| Let's just start. | ||
| You know, it's like starting attainable goals. | ||
| What are you doing when you say you're working out recently? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| I do it. | ||
| This guy started working out with, he comes to our neighbor, this Klug Fitness in Nashville. | ||
| And they come to, they go to your house. | ||
| They started doing that with COVID, so they come to your driveway. | ||
| So a lot of my friends in my cul-de-sac, we would kind of go in on it together. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| Yeah, and he does, he's like, he competes in a lot of, our trainer, Matt, competes in a lot of like the, you know, the, whatever is it, the lifting heavy, the big. | ||
| Strongman competitions. | ||
| Strongman competitions. | ||
| I thought every word but strong. | ||
| I was like, you know, the everyman competitions. | ||
| The heavy. | ||
| The heavy man. | ||
| You know, big muscle competitions. | ||
| Yeah, he's a big dude. | ||
| Lift stuff. | ||
| Heavy stuff. | ||
| And so we do the, you know, it's all legs are every day. | ||
| But you're doing a lot of stuff. | ||
| They travel around in a van, dude. | ||
| They set up. | ||
| I do squats. | ||
| I do bench press. | ||
| He has all the weights. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| You do everything, and they do it in your driveway. | ||
| And so your neighbors come over, and you all hang out together? | ||
| And we all hang out together, and we do it. | ||
| How many times do you COVID test anybody ever when you guys do that? | ||
| Outside! | ||
| But we're in my cul-de-sac, so no one's gone, so we all know where everybody's at. | ||
| So everybody's just hanging out. | ||
| And that's why they kind of started doing it, because of this... | ||
| Our trainer actually got COVID at one point and told us, like, hey, I got COVID, and neither one of us got it. | ||
| Because we're never... | ||
| We're outside. | ||
| We're not on each other. | ||
| That was the whole reason of doing it. | ||
| Well, especially when you're doing it outside during the day, there's real evidence that it dies instantly in sunlight. | ||
| And then also under UV light. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not a fear during the day. | ||
| That's one of the things that was most infuriating about LA, where they were trying to shut down beaches. | ||
| And people are like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Why are you shutting down beaches? | ||
| There's no evidence that it spreads this way. | ||
| There's early evidence that it died in sunlight. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| A lot of people think everybody's dumb. | ||
| Everybody thinks, well, I'm not dumb, but you're dumb. | ||
| And I think people kind of operate on that mindset. | ||
| I'm not doing it for us, obviously, but you don't understand the idiots that we've got running around this country that don't know how to... | ||
| Because that's why those guys would get caught being out. | ||
| Like all those governors would get caught doing something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they go, well, I know how not to get it. | ||
| But these buffoons that live behind me don't know. | ||
| And so we got to shut the beach down because they would start licking each other and stuff like that. | ||
| Because that's what they do down there. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| That's the argument for censoring conspiracy videos on YouTube. | ||
| The argument is that if you read something or you watch a video and it's clearly nonsense about dinosaurs being fake, you're not going to go, oh my god, I can't believe I've been lied to all this time about dinosaurs. | ||
| You're going to go, what is this crazy? | ||
| Were you around when Art Bell was on the air? | ||
| Was it the AM station? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I remember getting picked up by a driver once and he had that on. | ||
| Art Bell used to have a time traveler line. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, where you could call in if you were a time traveler. | ||
| Nobody fucking really believed the guy was a time traveler, but it was fun. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure there was a bunch of schizophrenics that listened that thought it was true. | ||
| But what are we going to do? | ||
| Are we going to nerf the world? | ||
| Are we going to censor all these fake time travelers? | ||
| Yeah, you want those around. | ||
| I want those people. | ||
| Because those make you understand the right more. | ||
| Because you go, yeah, that's the crazy. | ||
| And then you go, yeah, that doesn't make sense. | ||
| Yeah, you do want those people around. | ||
| I like someone, like the dinosaur's not real. | ||
| I just pictured someone, Eve on YouTube, dear YouTube. | ||
| I was lied to about, apparently dinosaurs are real. | ||
| And I feel betrayed by this video that had 100 views. | ||
| A lot of those videos have millions of views. | ||
| They have millions. | ||
| But that was the argument for getting QAnon videos off the internet. | ||
| It was that people were buying into it. | ||
| They really believed it. | ||
| But if you watch any of those videos, you're like, wait a minute, Trump is still the president? | ||
| He's still the president, and Biden's about to go to jail, and they're about to drop the hammer down, and the military's going to swoop in and take over the... | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| Like a crazy... | ||
| Yeah, something insane. | ||
| Yeah, it's like they're playing multi-level chess. | ||
| I feel like they always have a reason, too. | ||
| They're like, alright, well, it can't happen today. | ||
| It's raining outside, so obviously. | ||
| There's always some reason that it doesn't happen. | ||
| You're just like, it could happen. | ||
| There's a great thread that I found that somebody sent me to where these guys, after Trump lost... | ||
| And then after the whole Capitol Hill insurrection, all that crazy shit happened, this guy was on one of those forums realizing that he's been a moron and that he's been had. | ||
| He's like, I can't believe I've wasted all this time believing this bullshit. | ||
| And people were also chiming in like, yeah, I'm kind of fucking disappointed in myself too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All these dudes were just chiming in. | |
| The most ridiculous theories that there was some... | ||
| That it was all really some sort of child trafficking regime that they were trying to bring down, and that's why Trump was pretending to lose, and then they were gonna swoop in and arrest all these child sex traffickers. | ||
| Yeah, I knew people that got really deep into it. | ||
| I was trying to get them just to Alex Jones. | ||
| I told a lot of people, I was like, let's just do Alex, do not go below Alex. | ||
| Stop it. | ||
| They're so far down. | ||
| Who were these people that you knew? | ||
| You just knew some friends, guys that want to believe that stuff, and they want it to be true. | ||
| That's what's weird. | ||
| It's a mix of people. | ||
| Both sides can believe a lot of crazy stuff. | ||
| They can get tricked into everything that goes on. | ||
| No doubt. | ||
| Yeah, it's not exclusive to one party or the other. | ||
| People can believe some wacky shit. | ||
| If you want to believe it, it's pretty easy to believe it, to wrap your head around it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| My dad told me when I was a kid that I can't sleep with my socks on because my feet can't breathe. | ||
| I've believed that my whole life, dude. | ||
| And I don't wear socks to bed. | ||
| That's how little of a thing can get in your head that I just was like, well, I can't breathe. | ||
| Did you ever talk to him about it later? | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| I asked him again, are you saying, you're still saying my feet can't breathe? | ||
| And my dad goes, yeah. | ||
| And he's stuck with it. | ||
| So I go, all right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright! | |
| Like, you know. | ||
| It'd be funny if he's like, I never fucking said that. | ||
| I don't, he would never remember saying it. | ||
| I don't know why he said it. | ||
| He might have said it because I'm a kid that's trying, like that day, he's like, I don't want to get a bad day. | ||
| I'm going to leave my socks on. | ||
| He makes something up, you know. | ||
| I actually read something that said that if you have socks on when you sleep, you sleep better. | ||
| You sleep better if your feet are warmer. | ||
| I mean, that's why I have trouble sleeping. | ||
| Not the Sour Patch Kids, it's... | ||
| I mean, what's wrong with socks? | ||
| Why is everybody scared of socks? | ||
| I'm a big socks fan. | ||
| I wear a lot of... | ||
| I like them. | ||
| I like Uggs. | ||
| I don't walk around barefoot at home. | ||
| I love shoes. | ||
| Do you wear Uggs? | ||
| Slippers. | ||
| Do you wear socks in those Uggs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's why I want to... | ||
| I love things that you don't have to put socks on. | ||
| If you wear Uggs with no socks, how long before they stink? | ||
| Pretty quick, you might get beat up before that, but it's the guys that attack you. | ||
| I don't know what the time frame is. | ||
| Stinky feet patrol. | ||
| No, they'd be the loser patrol that you're wearing. | ||
| I think that's the point of it. | ||
| Dude, we had this guy on Kill Tony the other night. | ||
| It was fucking hilarious. | ||
| There was this kid, this young kid who's a comedian, and he was talking about how he's really into feet. | ||
| He had some girl come on stage and she took her shoe off. | ||
| She turned out to be a comedian too. | ||
| She took her shoe off and let him smell her feet. | ||
| And he was like sniffing it and getting real excited about it. | ||
| And they were both getting turned on by it. | ||
| It was just so... | ||
| She liked it. | ||
| At least she said she liked it. | ||
| Maybe she was joking around with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's dudes that are into stinky feet. | ||
| They like it. | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| He was saying it helps him. | ||
| That's what he said. | ||
| He's like, the quickest way for me to bust if I smell some stinky feet. | ||
| We were like, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he was like so casual about it. | ||
| Talking in front of this large group of people that's going on the internet to a larger group of people. | ||
| Talking about how he's really into stinky feet. | ||
| I feel like you hear... | ||
| People are willing to say more stuff now than they ever were. | ||
| Especially now with the internet, everybody kind of has a voice. | ||
| You can become famous at any point if something goes viral. | ||
| I don't know, but I always think with celebrities... | ||
| Think about all the celebrities before. | ||
| You didn't know what they... | ||
| They felt like make-believe people. | ||
| Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise. | ||
| You don't know what those guys are about. | ||
| You would never see them outside of a movie. | ||
| And now you're seeing Tom Hanks making a video. | ||
| And you're like, that's just a guy. | ||
| Like, Tom Hanks, you know, watched, I remember something, he watched Storage Hunters, that show, and you're like, it just kind of... | ||
| He was watching it? | ||
| Like, talking while he was watching it? | ||
| He talked about it, like, is that, yeah, I just heard him talk about it a long time ago, just in an interview or something, and he just said he liked that show, or Storage Wars, or something, one of those, you know, a show like that. | ||
| But it was just like, I don't know, you're like, I don't know, I feel like I never would have known that. | ||
| Like these people become, like the idea of like Tom Cruise, I've always liked the idea. | ||
| I don't know if he knows what, like how much money he is. | ||
| That guy's been famous for 30 years. | ||
| At least. | ||
| At least. | ||
| Right, 30 years ago was what? | ||
| He was famous in 80... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Born on the 4th of July or before that? | ||
| He's definitely famous for that because he was starring in that. | ||
| Oh yeah, Outsiders. | ||
| What year was it, Outsiders? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| 83? | ||
| 84. For some reason 84 is popping in my head. | ||
| 84 is a good number. | ||
| Outsiders. | ||
| He was 18 in a bit part in 1981. His name was in Taps in 83. Oh, that's right. | ||
| With Timothy Hutton. | ||
| 83 was Outsiders? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| And that's when you did a movie. | ||
| It was huge. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's movies now you're like, I've never heard of that movie. | ||
| And all the right moves in Risky Business all in the same year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Risky business. | ||
| Yeah, that was the big one. | ||
| That made Ray-Bans famous. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He wore Ray-Bans and slid around with socks on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Socks. | ||
| And then... | ||
| So that guy wouldn't... | ||
| So that was when I was... | ||
| I was a fucking... | ||
| That was 15. So he got famous when I was 15, and now he's still famous as fuck now and still doing action movies. | ||
| Action movies. | ||
| He broke his ankle jumping from one building to another. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've never seen this movie. | |
| Oh, it's terrible. | ||
| Legend? | ||
| Yeah, it's really interesting. | ||
| Oh, it's Ridley Scott, too. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a demon guy. | ||
| I mean, it's not terrible, terrible. | ||
| It's just not good. | ||
| Look how pretty he is. | ||
| God, he's so handsome. | ||
| Yeah, there's some demon. | ||
| I forget what it was about. | ||
| That's 85? | ||
| Yeah, that's the year I graduated high school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Lord of Darkness. | |
| Oh, that's him. | ||
| That's the Lord. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| So here he is, back then, grown-ass man, back then. | ||
| Now, today! | ||
| All these years later, doing Mission Impossible, jumping from one building to another and breaking his fucking ankle. | ||
| Did you see that video? | ||
| I didn't see the video of him breaking it. | ||
| Bro, he does stunts. | ||
| I just went through all the Mission Impossibles. | ||
| All of them in one sitting? | ||
| Well, just over... | ||
| Over COVID? Over, I mean, in like a week... | ||
| I would watch it. | ||
| I started doing that at night. | ||
| It's just to kind of pick like these old kind of shoot-em-up mindless kind of fun action movies. | ||
| And so I went through every Mission Impossible. | ||
| I don't follow the stories. | ||
| I don't connect with the story. | ||
| I saw the weirdest movie yesterday. | ||
| It's an Ethan Hawke movie about time travel. | ||
| Hold on, I saved a picture because it was so strange. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| But really original. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Really original movie. | ||
| At the end of it, I was like, whoa! | ||
| I don't want to give anything away, just the fact that it's a time travel movie, but it's a mind fuck and a half. | ||
| And not like any movie I've ever seen before. | ||
| As the movie's going on, you're like, where is this going? | ||
| I did a joke about time travel that I wrote as a show. | ||
| It didn't go anywhere, but it was the idea. | ||
| I don't think if I went back in time, I don't think I could prove I'm from the future. | ||
| I don't think there's anything I could tell them that's not... | ||
| Because you don't know enough? | ||
| They're like, who's the president now? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You go back to 1905, they're like, who's going to be the next president? | ||
| I don't know, dude. | ||
| 1905. I'd be like, name some people. | ||
| Let me Google it. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| All that's gone. | ||
| You guys don't even have 5G. What else could I? Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would have to hear some names. | ||
| And you know, there's always like a window in presidents where you're like, a few of them that you're like, you don't ever talk about. | ||
| Like, you don't really know who they are. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're not, they were never famous. | ||
| If I went back in that time, I'd be like, I've never heard of that guy. | ||
| I'm like, Like, how far back could you go and name presidents? | ||
| Incomfortable? | ||
| Starting right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay. | ||
| JFK. Trump. | ||
| We go to Trump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Obama. | ||
| Clinton. | ||
| No. | ||
| Bush. | ||
| Bush. | ||
| Clinton. | ||
| Bush. | ||
| Reagan. | ||
| Reagan. | ||
| Jimmy Carter. | ||
| Jimmy Carter. | ||
| Gerald Ford. | ||
| Ford. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Nixon. | ||
| Nixon. | ||
| Lyndon Johnson. | ||
| Kennedy. | ||
| Eisenhower? | ||
| I'm probably done at Kennedy. | ||
| Who's before Kennedy? | ||
| I think it's Eisenhower because I think that was the famous speech about the military industrial complex. | ||
| Telling people to beware of the military industrial complex. | ||
| Eisenhower, right? | ||
| Okay, before Eisenhower. | ||
| Truman? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Is this like the 40s now, 50s? | ||
|
unidentified
|
50s. | |
| We're in the 50s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Truman? | ||
|
unidentified
|
45 to 53 was Truman, so pre-45. | |
| I'm fucked from then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty famous one. | |
| Abraham Lincoln. | ||
| That's what I would go next. | ||
| Eisenhower? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, where you said that? | ||
| Other way. | ||
| FDR. FDR. Franklin Delano Roosevelt. | ||
| And then he gets squirrely. | ||
| Teddy Roosevelt is in the 1800s, right? | ||
| Yeah, he was 1901. What was his relationship to Franklin Delano Roosevelt? | ||
| Father? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uncle? | |
| Father? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| I am your father. | ||
| I forgot something more than Hickory, which is named after Andy Jackson. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| When was he? | ||
| You know, we have his own home where I live, and I've never been to it. | ||
| Because I switched schools when the elementary schools would go to that, to go to it. | ||
| Fifth cousin? | ||
| And I switched schools, so I just have never been to his own. | ||
| And I live five minutes from it. | ||
| I remember when I lived in Boston, there was a place where you go that I think was Paul Revere's house. | ||
| I think I've been to that. | ||
| And I'm always like, how much... | ||
| He's famous. | ||
| Should have a bigger house. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| This guy was a pretty rough time during this. | ||
| He wasn't balling at all. | ||
| No, nothing. | ||
| You know. | ||
| They don't go show you his house afterwards. | ||
| He goes, well, then I moved into a gated community. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Like, you see Gwyneth Paltrow's house. | ||
| It's fucking giant. | ||
| Look at Paul Revere's house. | ||
| You would be disappointed if you got that house. | ||
| I would be so sad if I went over, like, Mel Gibson's house and that was his house. | ||
| I'd be like, this is it, Mel? | ||
| And Mel Gibson is the Paul Revere of our time. | ||
| And I think now it's like a museum, right? | ||
| You can go visit it? | ||
| Yeah, I think I've been to it. | ||
| When Boston... | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Apparently, all that whole the British are coming, the British are coming, not really true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, apparently there was another guy. | ||
| There was another guy that was warning everybody. | ||
| And then Paul Revere was like, oh yeah, I told everybody. | ||
| Isn't that like the Tesla guy? | ||
| Oh, there was two founders of Tesla before Elon Musk? | ||
| No, no, no, not that. | ||
| Or who it's named after. | ||
| Nikola Tesla. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Didn't he do something about inventing light or something? | ||
| What did he do, dude? | ||
|
unidentified
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Pretty much, that was it. | |
| He invented light. | ||
| Yeah, before him we were living in dark matter. | ||
| It was all dark matter. | ||
| Isn't there some beef between him and someone else about... | ||
| Edison. | ||
| Edison. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, he invented ACDC. Alternating current. | ||
| Not the band. | ||
| He wasn't involved. | ||
| At all. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I guess Young didn't even know him. | ||
| I'd like to see your sources on that. | ||
| He invented alternating current and Thomas Edison initially was like super skeptical or was a propagandist, I should say, against alternating current. | ||
| And one of the things that he did was he electrocuted an elephant. | ||
| To show everybody. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Elon just tweeted this. | ||
| Elon just tweeted this? | ||
| Not today, but like the other day. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Him and Edison. | ||
| See, the thing was, Edison was not a stupid man. | ||
| He was a brilliant man. | ||
| But Nikola Tesla was an alien. | ||
| I mean, he was responsible for so many fucking inventions. | ||
| He wanted to transmit electricity through the air. | ||
| And Westinghouse was like, what? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| That was his idea, to use these towers and transmit electricity. | ||
| There's a movie made a couple years ago called The Current War. | ||
| It's very loosely based off of the truth type of movie, but it's the idea of what was going on between them fighting back and forth. | ||
| Tesla worked for Thomas Edison for a little while. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Well, Tesla, like a lot of brilliant men, was not great at business. | ||
| He was just great at inventing things. | ||
| And when he died, they raided his house and got all his papers and all his shit and who knows how much intellectual property they took. | ||
| Because the guy had ideas that never came to fruition that were just genius. | ||
| I mean, he was... | ||
| He was a weird guy, though. | ||
| Like, he was in love with a pigeon. | ||
| Like, he had a love affair with a pigeon that he wrote about. | ||
| Like, he was in love with a pigeon. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| I just think... | ||
| I think you can get too smart. | ||
| And then when you're out there, you're so far out there that you're just... | ||
| Well, yeah, you're in your own world. | ||
| And, like, you just get... | ||
| You're just kind of gone, dude. | ||
| Too gone. | ||
| Yeah, you're too gone. | ||
| Too gone. | ||
| You can get too gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think you only have so much room in your brain. | ||
| And even a super powerful brain, like a person that's extraordinarily intelligent, there's only so much room, I really doubt you're going to have the smartest person ever who's also really good at telling jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You can also go on stage high and talk shit and say a lot of really funny things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's just not usually the case. | ||
| If you hung out with Albert Einstein, how was it? | ||
| You're like, pretty good, actually. | ||
| It's going to be like, no, he's the worst. | ||
| He's the worst. | ||
| Because he doesn't know how to interact or something. | ||
| But if he had notes and he was going to go up on a show and then Joey Diaz was on after him, you'd watch Joey Diaz. | ||
| Yeah, all day. | ||
| You wouldn't watch Einstein. | ||
| But these guys, they're operating in this realm that You know, when you think about, like, we're talking about LeBron James or Michael Jordan, like, Khabib Nurmagomedov, super athletes, just the rarest of the rare humans. | ||
| Well, there's people like that with brains. | ||
| Just the rarest of the rare minds who can figure things out that most human beings are... | ||
| You would give them a thousand lifetimes with that same brain. | ||
| They have no shot at ever figuring out any of that shit. | ||
| I don't care how much education they have. | ||
| Don't lie. | ||
| Like, people will lie. | ||
| Well, everyone with the proper education can achieve amazing heights of intelligence. | ||
| Now you're born different. | ||
| No, you're born different. | ||
| Some people have big brains. | ||
| Some people have little brains. | ||
| Some people have minds that work really well. | ||
| And some people are born deaf. | ||
| And some people are born with weak hands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, like, everybody's weird. | ||
| Is that weak hands are real? | ||
| People just can't grab things good. | ||
| They're born with that? | ||
| They have tiny hands. | ||
| Yeah, if you're born with small, small hands. | ||
| It's just like this glass falls on you. | ||
| You want to pick things up. | ||
| If you talk to someone with weak hands and you come over here, the cups are laying sideways. | ||
| Can you help me? | ||
| He's like, I'm sorry, I have no. | ||
| They have to use their elbow. | ||
| The servers are just a nightmare when he walks in. | ||
| Give him a plastic spoon. | ||
| He can't hold a metal one. | ||
| He's got weak hands. | ||
| Human beings vary so much. | ||
| It's one of the things that makes us interesting, but when you get to a guy like a Nikola Tesla, or even an Elon Musk, they're almost so smart that there's... | ||
| They're going to be eccentric. | ||
| There's no way they're going to be normal, like a normal person and that smart. | ||
| They have to be eccentric. | ||
| The greatness idea is, so there's a thing on Netflix called Drug Lords, and it's like, I like cartel stuff. | ||
| It's kind of crazy to me. | ||
| It's crazy that it's happening now. | ||
| You know, it's like 2021, and you just feel, and it still can be like the 80s, and you feel like when you read stories. | ||
| Like El Chapo is in prison. | ||
| He's in Denver. | ||
| The prison needs... | ||
| They have a lot of people in that prison, too. | ||
| But they... | ||
| So there's a girl in Drug Lords, and she grew up in, I think, Compton or something. | ||
| I mean, unbelievable athlete growing up, right? | ||
| In high school, could compete in the Olympics. | ||
| And it doesn't go that path and then becomes a drug lord and then becomes a queen drug lord that ran and all this crazy stuff. | ||
| And it makes me think that's a person that you're like, yeah, she's going to be really good at whatever she does. | ||
| She could have been in the Olympics. | ||
| She could have went down the road that she went down. | ||
| I think she actually gives speeches now and talks about how not to go down this road. | ||
| But she became dominant in selling drugs. | ||
| And it was just like, this is a super successful person. | ||
| Their energy will go. | ||
| Wherever it goes, they're going to be great at it. | ||
| That's just what they have. | ||
| Good or bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is crazy when you pay attention to what's going on in Mexico that you could drive there. | ||
| Oh, it's wild, dude. | ||
| We're in Texas. | ||
| It's not that far of a drive. | ||
| I remember hearing a long time ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Mexico is set to legalize marijuana, becoming the world's largest market. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| They're probably doing that just to battle the cartels. | ||
| But the cartels are growing weed to send to America anyway. | ||
| Maybe the cartels want it to be legal there, so it takes heat off of them growing it there and then just a matter of getting it over to America. | ||
|
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|
Well, how rich those guys were, those cartels like Pablo Escobar and Chapo. | |
| I mean, they're billions and billions of dollars. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| We have this guy, we've had him on several times. | ||
| His name is Ed Calderon. | ||
| I follow him on Instagram because of... | ||
| Yeah, Ed Manifesto. | ||
| And he always sends me shit about what's going on in Mexico. | ||
| And to this day, it's wild. | ||
| There's like insurrections in towns. | ||
| They're taking over towns. | ||
| They have these wars between rival cartels. | ||
| They're going back and forth. | ||
| And it's fucking wild, man. | ||
| And it's right there. | ||
| How many cartels are there now? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's, you know, it's crazy because the amount of power and influence they have. | ||
| You know what happened with El Chapo's son? | ||
| They arrested him and then the fucking cartel surrounded the town and made them release him. | ||
| I saw the video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just let him go. | ||
| They're like, okay. | ||
| And you're like, what is this video from the 80s? | ||
| You're like, no, it's two days ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Last week. | |
| And you're like, what, dude? | ||
| Yeah, because they all surround it. | ||
| They have more power than all. | ||
| The government can't do nothing. | ||
| No, there's so much influence. | ||
| Can it ever end? | ||
| It did in Colombia. | ||
| That's what's interesting. | ||
| Colombia, where Escobar was. | ||
| Now Colombia is fairly safe. | ||
| They've cleaned up Colombia quite a bit. | ||
| I don't know how they did it. | ||
| I don't know what they did. | ||
| I don't know what the success formula is and whether or not that formula in Colombia is applicable to Mexico. | ||
| Because the thing about Colombia is it's not quite as close to America as Mexico is. | ||
| The thing about Mexico in America, there's a guy named John Norris and he wrote a book called The Hidden War. | ||
| And he was a... | ||
| He was working as a game warden for California, and as he was working for a game warden, he's a guy who likes outdoor activities like hunting and fishing and stuff, and he thought that's what he would do. | ||
| Like, you know, hey, you have three trout, you're only supposed to have two, that kind of shit. | ||
| Turns out, as he was on the job, they started finding, and this is at the beginning of it, these illegal grow operations. | ||
| In California, in the national forests. | ||
| So they'd find, like, trout rivers and trout streams that the water was all missing because it had been diverted to these illegal grow-ups that were in the middle of the woods on public land. | ||
| And what they would do is because when they made marijuana legal, In California. | ||
| They made it legal in the state. | ||
| One of the things they did was they said that if you have it and you grow it, even if you do it without a license, it's a misdemeanor. | ||
| So because of that, they started growing 80% of all the illegal marijuana that's distributed through the United States in states where it is illegal. | ||
| It was grown in California by the cartels in these crazy grow-ops that had just existed on these ranches. | ||
| I know a dude who works at a ranch in Texas, works at Tohono Ranch, and they just found, they were wandering around, they saw these white pipes, like, what is this? | ||
| And they found this giant illegal grow-op in the middle of the fucking ranch. | ||
| These cartel dudes hiked in with all this hose and all this different shit, all this equipment that they need. | ||
| They just hiked in on foot many, many miles with giant backpacks stuffed with shit. | ||
| They hoofed it to these places and set up these grow-ups. | ||
| They started growing marijuana. | ||
| Is that still active? | ||
| When you come up on it, are you like, dude, I don't even want to... | ||
| They had to call the cops because you can get killed, for sure. | ||
| Well, this was one of the things that John Norris talked about in his book was that they started bringing in attack dogs because these guys would shoot at them. | ||
| They became a tactical unit. | ||
| So he went from being a guy that's going to check fishing licenses to being a guy that literally has to walk around in a bulletproof vest. | ||
| And he's got these fucking Belgian Malinois, these meat missiles that they'll let him go. | ||
| And these dogs will chase after people and attack them. | ||
| And they're getting shot at. | ||
| Wild shit. | ||
| Because they realized that there's a massive market for this stuff. | ||
| And so they would grow it in these areas where very few people would go to. | ||
| So they'd just go deep, deep, deep in the forest, like where those fucking Sasquatch noises were coming from, and that's what they would set up. | ||
| Maybe that's where they are. | ||
| Maybe they're trying to scare people away. | ||
| They're trying to scare people away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that was a cartel, though. | ||
| But, I mean, when you go back to the early days of the cartel, we're not talking, like, the immense power that they've amassed over the last couple of decades. | ||
| This is a fairly recent thing in history. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Randomly off, but off that, there's nothing to do with that, but I always think that with the stand-up comedy. | ||
| Like, stand-up comedy. | ||
| I know that it's, like, court gesture. | ||
| Like, there's this, you know... | ||
| But you look at, like, Cosby. | ||
| I mean, he's still alive right now. | ||
| And that guy was doing it at that point when he was, like, kind of new. | ||
| Like, with stand-up comedy, still... | ||
| As what we think of it as today is not that old. | ||
| No, no, it's real recent. | ||
| And the stand-up comedy that we do was really started by Lenny Bruce. | ||
| So it was started in like the 1950s and 60s. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| I mean, back then there wasn't even comedy clubs. | ||
| He would host shows where they would have like someone would be like a dancer would go out and perform and then a band would perform and He'd have all these different variety acts, and the comic would be the guy who would tell jokes in between these performances. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he goes on to start doing these performances where he becomes this social commentator and pointing out things. | ||
| Instead of just jokes, he's pointing out stuff about life. | ||
| Yeah, no one's doing it at that time, which is crazy. | ||
| He's the door opener, really. | ||
| They were going to Catskills at the time, but they weren't doing... | ||
| Those guys were doing jokes. | ||
| They were like, you know, two Jews walking to a bar. | ||
| They had jokes. | ||
| And he became the first guy. | ||
| And then there was Mort Sahl, and then of course George Carlin, and then Richard Pryor took it to a whole new level. | ||
| He was the guy that really revolutionized it and made it the most funny. | ||
| Because if you go back and watch Lenny Bruce, as brilliant and as important as that guy is in stand-up, his comedy is from a different era. | ||
| Humans thought about things differently then. | ||
| They were so closed off to ideas. | ||
| And any little risque thing would be so funny. | ||
| Did you ever see Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? | ||
| No, I haven't watched it yet. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| It's real good. | ||
| Especially the first season and then into the second season. | ||
| I think the third season it got a little tired for me. | ||
| But maybe it was just me. | ||
| Maybe I was bored with it. | ||
| But Lenny Bruce is in it. | ||
| And they have this guy who keeps getting arrested. | ||
| And they have him say the things that Lenny Bruce was saying when he got arrested. | ||
| And it's crazy. | ||
| Like it's a normal set that anybody would have at the improv. | ||
| Like a totally normal set. | ||
| I'm probably clean now. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Wouldn't even be that risque. | ||
| They would arrest the shit out of him. | ||
| But he had some bits that hold up. | ||
| Like he had one back when homosexuality was illegal. | ||
| And he goes, Dig, it's illegal to be a homosexual. | ||
| But what happens when they catch you? | ||
| They put you in jail with a bunch of men who want to have sex with you. | ||
| Good joke. | ||
| Still a solid joke. | ||
| But if you try to listen to Lenny Bruce live at Carnegie Hall or some of his performances that have been recorded, I've listened to them. | ||
| They're hard to get through. | ||
| You kind of have to look at them as a historical piece instead of trying to listen to it in the context of 2021 with the internet and people can talk about anything. | ||
| Comedy is in a different place now. | ||
| Much different. | ||
| Did you ever meet Bill Hicks? | ||
| I was in his presence. | ||
| I wouldn't say I met him. | ||
| I never sat down and talked to him. | ||
| But I was at Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston and the Comedy Connection in Boston when he was performing. | ||
| When he was right off of the Rodney Dangerfield special. | ||
| And he was coming in the headline. | ||
| I saw him bomb. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I saw him clear the room. | ||
| But me and Greg Fitzsimmons and a couple of the comedians were back fucking howling, laughing. | ||
| And maybe a small percentage of the audience remained. | ||
| But he cleared the fucking room. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was doing this one bit. | ||
| In the middle of the bit, he looked up and he goes... | ||
| Yeah, this generally clears the room. | ||
| When people are getting up in fucking droves, it didn't seem to bother him. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Well, even being able to see that probably helped to be like, well, he doesn't care. | ||
| He had shocking confidence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Shocking composure and confidence in it. | ||
| He changed the way people thought about doing stand-up because they thought stand-up wasn't just what's the funniest shit you can do. | ||
| It was also really interesting ideas that would change the way people perceive things. | ||
| That's what he was doing. | ||
| That bit he had young man on drugs. | ||
| It's always the same story. | ||
| Young man on drugs, young man on acid, thinks he can fly, jumps off of a building. | ||
| What a loss. | ||
| And he goes, what a dick! | ||
| Because he thought he could fly. | ||
| Why didn't he take off from the ground first? | ||
| He had this whole bit about, you know, young man on acid realizes that life is merely energy condensed to a slow, rhythmic vibration, and we are all the imagination of ourselves. | ||
| Now here's Ted with the weather. | ||
| It was great stuff. | ||
| It was different than regular stand-up. | ||
| He introduced psychedelic concepts. | ||
| He introduced a lot of Noam Chomsky's work about the real history of interventionalist foreign policy and why we're in these foreign countries. | ||
| And he did it through jokes. | ||
| He would joke about Iraq. | ||
| Iraq has dangerous weapons, terrifying weapons. | ||
| Well, how do you know? | ||
| Well, we check the receipts. | ||
| Because he had this whole bit about the original Desert Storm War that was one of the more interesting bits ever about war because it was like flavored by his understanding of how these things get started in the first place, which he really never saw. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he was a different guy, man. | ||
| I got to see him... | ||
| I saw him live, I think, three times, maybe four. | ||
| Maybe four times. | ||
| Because maybe, like, I saw him two nights in a row a couple times. | ||
| I always think Boston... | ||
| Probably Massachusetts. | ||
| I always think that's the number one place that produces comedians. | ||
| And there's even comics that you're there. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So Maren. | ||
| Maren. | ||
| Louie. | ||
| Louie. | ||
| Burr. | ||
| Patrice. | ||
| Patrice. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Bobby Kelly. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| My buddy Joe List. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| From Boston. | ||
| I know I'm missing. | ||
| Jay Leno. | ||
| Jay Leno. | ||
| Yeah, Jay Leno. | ||
| And then the guys who are the Boston guys, like Lenny Clark, Steve Sweeney, Stephen Wright. | ||
| It was a great place. | ||
| Tony V. It was a place where they had an unbelievable amount of work. | ||
| Where there was a lot of comics, but there was so much work. | ||
| There was one area called Warrington Street, and that's where Nick's Comedy Stop is, where you would go. | ||
| Nick's Comedy Stop was on one street. | ||
| You would go a little bit down the block, and you had the Comedy Connection. | ||
| You go upstairs from that, you had the Comedy Club at the Charles Playhouse. | ||
| Across the street, you had Duck Soup. | ||
| And then down here, you had Dick Daugherty's Comedy Vault. | ||
| So you had one, two, three, four, five places that within a five-minute walk... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Well, that's how New York was when I first moved there, is like seeing that, you know, the Village had Boston Comedy Club, The Cellar, we had the Village Lantern, was like around the other corner, and then they built some other clubs there, but then you'd have New York, New York Comedy Club, The Stand Up, The Stand now, Comic Strip, Dangerfields, which I think closed. | ||
| Dangerfields, I did hear it closed. | ||
| I was so sad. | ||
| I used to do a lot of shows there, man. | ||
| Because Dangerfields would give you more time, you got paid a little bit more, and you got food. | ||
| They would give you free food. | ||
| So they had great cheeseburgers. | ||
| Their cheeseburgers were fucking delicious. | ||
|
unidentified
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You could do 20 minutes, which is a big deal. | |
| I was at Dangerfields once. | ||
| I think I had like a 9 o'clock spot or something like that. | ||
| And I got there like 8.45. | ||
| And the comics were all sitting at the bar. | ||
| The show was supposed to start at 8. And everyone was sitting at the bar. | ||
| I'm like, what's going on? | ||
| We don't have a crowd yet. | ||
| I go, there's no crowd? | ||
| I'm like, no, there's no crowd. | ||
| And then there's this guy, Bobby, who used to work the doors. | ||
| Fucking tank of a man. | ||
| He was like a power lifter who would make his own weights. | ||
| He would fill like buckets with cement and he would like put handles on them and lift weights. | ||
| He's like a fucking gorilla. | ||
| He's Scottish. | ||
| And he would always make fun of your act too. | ||
| You tricked him with that bag of shite act. | ||
| And so these people walk in, this couple walks in while I'm sitting at the bar with these guys. | ||
| I'm like, no crowd? | ||
| There's no crowd at all? | ||
| And these two people walk in, welcome to Dangerfields! | ||
| Come on in, have a seat. | ||
| They have a seat and then immediately the light comes on by themselves. | ||
| These two people sitting in the audience. | ||
| And then the MC goes out and then the first guy goes out and the second guy goes out and then I went out. | ||
| And these people sat through the whole show. | ||
| Two people. | ||
| They never, I mean, maybe another person showed up, maybe two other people showed up, I don't remember. | ||
| But I remember being, like, stunned. | ||
| These poor people are being held hostage. | ||
| They can't even leave. | ||
| Not to do better, but I did a show for one guy. | ||
| And I asked him to leave on stage. | ||
| I go, let's just... | ||
| We don't need to do this. | ||
| And he was like, no, it's fine. | ||
| And I'm like, it's not... | ||
| You know, and he was... | ||
| But, like, you would do that in New York. | ||
| I think that's what helped you in New York was, A, the amount of sets you're doing. | ||
| It's like dog years. | ||
| You know, you're going up... | ||
| Once you got into clubs, you'd be going up like 15 times a weekend. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| A ton. | ||
| But you would get people in. | ||
| Hey, we've got a great comedy show. | ||
| We've got a great comedy show. | ||
| Come in, blah. | ||
| And then once they sit down, if you felt they were about to leave, it's like someone's got to go up to hold them. | ||
| So you've got to go up and that person's got to be like, hey. | ||
| And they do a show and you're trying to just get more people in. | ||
| It's a trick. | ||
| You're doing comedy in front of people that don't want to be there. | ||
| Like, at all. | ||
| Most every room you go in... | ||
| People don't know yet they don't want to be there, but you're just watching them about to figure it out. | ||
| And so you're trying to get as many jokes as you can in before they go, yeah, this is weird, dude. | ||
| Why am I here? | ||
| Tiny little crowds are weird, but they teach you what's bullshit in your act. | ||
| When you start doing jokes for tiny little crowds, you realize how much of your act is filled with nonsense. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How much of it is kind of filler? | ||
| Or how much of the bit is unnecessary? | ||
| Because those unnecessary parts stand out like a sore thumb when there's only 20 people in the audience. | ||
| Whereas if there's 200 people, you can kind of pull it off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can kind of get away with fat in your act. | ||
| Yeah, just generally in a room. | ||
| Just the noise alone in a room with 200 people can make something kind of flow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It gets real when it's four people. | ||
| I mean, I... Dude, we used to do shows. | ||
| I remember if it was eight, it was like, we're almost taped tonight. | ||
| Eight was huge. | ||
| You're like, I'm going to get this down, dude. | ||
| I still think to this day that if you're an athlete, you've got to cross-train. | ||
| You've got to run every now and then. | ||
| Sometimes you have to lift weights. | ||
| I think for a comic, it's great to do a big crowd, but it's also great to do almost no one. | ||
| I think it's good. | ||
| I think it teaches you how much of your act is bullshit. | ||
| Do you have trouble with... | ||
| Because I always heard Seinfeld would say he wished he could go back to perform in front of no one. | ||
| You know when you perform in a crowd that doesn't know you at all? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like when you get a murder. | ||
| You know when you go in and you're like, they don't really know who you are. | ||
| They're like, is this guy good or not? | ||
| And you get a murder. | ||
| Like there's not much better than that. | ||
| When you can hear them laughing and you're like, dude, I'm not even too what's good yet. | ||
| And you just got them. | ||
| You earned it. | ||
| You earned it. | ||
| And that was the feeling you got when you were... | ||
| That built so much confidence because you're like, these people don't know me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At all. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Do you ever miss... | ||
| It's like now, every room you're going to go in, they're going to... | ||
| You're not going to be able to really pop up and be like, I don't know. | ||
| I think you just got to be happy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no sense in wanting something that you're not going to get. | ||
| Well, it's a new thing you've got to learn. | ||
| Now they have expectations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you've got to be good enough for their expectations. | ||
| For sure, yeah. | ||
| And they paid money to see you, and they may be a little skeptical. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was fucking Nate Bargazzi. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| This guy stinks, dude. | ||
| I let him know I do. | ||
| What do you dye your beard, bro? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your hair is white, and your fucking beard is dark. | ||
| Let's get out of here. | ||
| Watch him leave. | ||
| Eating donuts and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not even because of this fat idiot eating all these Krispy Kreme. | |
| Dude, they can't... | ||
| One time at Caroline's, they would do... | ||
| You know, they did, like, a Wednesday night or something, like, comic to watch, and you get a headline, and no one showed up, and they... | ||
| Like, they had to have 20 people, and we didn't have 20, so they canceled the show to me and the audience at the same time at the bar. | ||
| So if there's less than 20, they won't do a show? | ||
| At that time, at Caroline's. | ||
| Because it was such a big room that it wasn't worth it. | ||
| So we had like 12. For the like employers? | ||
| Yeah, just for whatever. | ||
| Yeah, because Caroline's was a little different. | ||
| Not as much like Spot. | ||
| You know, it was like they would do a normal weekend where they would have headliners and features. | ||
| But I remember standing with the crowd. | ||
| Obviously, no one knew. | ||
| I was nobody. | ||
| But then I just remember standing with the crowd. | ||
| They canceled it. | ||
| They go, no show tonight, folks. | ||
| They told me in the audience. | ||
| And we all walked up together. | ||
| I do look romantically back on road gigs that were terrible. | ||
| I do look back on those moments where I just thought, like, what in the fuck am I doing with my life? | ||
| And now I laugh. | ||
| I do miss those. | ||
| There's something. | ||
| I not even miss them, but I'm glad I went through it. | ||
| You know, there's something about it. | ||
| Like, if you're one of those guys that is like a YouTube star, and then you become famous doing YouTube, and then the first time you do stand-up, people already know who you are, man, you're kind of fucked. | ||
| I've always thought, I would always say, I think you make it at 20 or 40, and I don't think anybody makes it in the middle. | ||
| Like, so it's either you come out of the gate and you get it immediately, or you have to wait until you're 40. If you could choose it, obviously we're all trying to make it at 20. That's the dream. | ||
| So we all start this going, because there's the guys that you're like, you never know who's going to be in the audience. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| So you think that. | ||
| And then next thing you know, you're 28, you're 33, and you're doing better, but you're not what you thought you were. | ||
| But if you wait it out, all the people that were 40, you realize that there's a lot of people that were 40 That became some of the best comedians. | ||
| Maren, you know, it took forever. | ||
| Like, I remember seeing Maren in New York and people kind of knew him because of the radio show that he was on. | ||
| But then you see it, like, really pop. | ||
| And then these people connect. | ||
| Burr was a big one. | ||
| Because I got to see Burr kind of go up to where, like, people didn't know who he was. | ||
| And then it was like everybody knew who he was. | ||
| And then he started selling out. | ||
| You know, it's like, it's a pretty interesting... | ||
| I think it's better to wait. | ||
| If you had a choice, no one has a choice in this, but the people that are forced to wait... | ||
| Tend to be better comics. | ||
| If you work on it, yeah. | ||
| If you develop. | ||
| I mean, it really is about that. | ||
| One of the things that happens to some people is they take detours and they do other things, like television shows. | ||
| And I've done that, and that does... | ||
| It can hamper your stand-up. | ||
| It most certainly can hamper it because you're so concerned with your television show and you're working on the television show all the time. | ||
| Not that it's a bad thing to complain about. | ||
| It's great to have a television show, but... | ||
| That takes away time for your stand-up. | ||
| When I was doing Fear Factor, I used to think about that sometimes. | ||
| Like, man, I could be doing stand-up right now, and instead I'm watching people eat animal dicks, and this is not helping my act, other than being able to make fun of Fear Factor. | ||
| There you go, five seconds. | ||
| That's all in your hand. | ||
| But one thing it did do is it made me appreciate, like, okay, now I know. | ||
| Okay, now I've been on a sitcom. | ||
| Now I've been a host of a game show. | ||
| And these are both great jobs to get, but I know that stand-up's better. | ||
| Now I know. | ||
| Did you do spots during those times? | ||
| I did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did a lot of spots at the store. | ||
| The news radio thing was an interesting thing because when I did that, I really slacked off. | ||
| That was long days. | ||
| Especially in the early days of news radio, when we were trying to make it work right. | ||
| Because sitcoms are complicated. | ||
| They're trying to figure out what it is and where the characters fit in. | ||
| We had 12-hour days regularly. | ||
| It was a lot of work. | ||
| Were you writing on it too? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I wasn't writing on it. | ||
| But they did let you write. | ||
| If you had a new way to handle a scene... | ||
| Paul Sims, the guy who created it, was brilliant. | ||
| And one of the things he would do was... | ||
| Dave Foley in particular wrote a lot of shit for a lot of us. | ||
| And he rewrote a lot of scenes and rewrote a lot of entries and all kinds of different things that happened on the set. | ||
| But you were always working. | ||
| And I was tired. | ||
| So I'd go do a set, but I didn't write at all. | ||
| And the problem was I got to the point where my act was really flat. | ||
| Like I felt flat. | ||
| And then I had one night where I bombed hard in front of a couple friends of mine. | ||
| One of them was a writer and the other one was one of the producers. | ||
| I just ate shit. | ||
| And then I realized, oh my god, I am falling apart. | ||
| Either I'm going to stop doing stand-up, which wasn't an option, or I'm going to get to work. | ||
| Because I knew that I had slacked off. | ||
| I knew I hadn't put any work into it. | ||
| I knew I would go on stage without even thinking about my act until the moment I got on stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was doing no preparation. | ||
| I was just lazy because I had another job. | ||
| I've seen that balance of having to when you do that. | ||
| And two, when you have the other job, your energy in your head, you're thinking so much in that world. | ||
| We're two different things. | ||
| I've written shows. | ||
| And you're like, when you write a show, it's just much different than writing stand-up. | ||
| And so you're kind of thinking of show world. | ||
| So then you don't come up with stuff really that would fit on stage. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And so your brain just kind of shifts over to this. | ||
| You know, so it's such an interesting thing to have to balance out. | ||
| Were you able to, did you have, were you like on the, would you go on the road? | ||
| Like news radio, did it like help with tickets and stuff like that? | ||
| Did it like? | ||
| It helped a little. | ||
| I did pretty good. | ||
| I wasn't famous. | ||
| I was like one of eight people on a sitcom that wasn't doing well. | ||
| Nobody was watching that show. | ||
| It was very rare that I got recognized anywhere. | ||
| Very rare. | ||
| Occasionally, someone would go, hey, yeah, fucking It wasn't like anybody knew my name. | ||
| So if they would come to see me, it was, you know, I had been doing stand-up for 10 years. | ||
| I was reasonably funny. | ||
| But then I did my first Warner Brothers thing in 1999. Did an album. | ||
| But then when I got on, Fear Factor was more of the same shit. | ||
| It was like I was so busy that for those years on Fear Factor, I didn't really tour that much. | ||
| And one of the reasons why I started touring was Dice Clay. | ||
| I met him at the Comedy Store, and I was always seeing him there, and one day he goes, you know, you should go through the fucking road. | ||
| He goes, you don't need these jerk-offs. | ||
| All these fucking people, whether or not they hire you or don't hire you, you can make good money. | ||
| You're a funny guy. | ||
| Go through the fucking road. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, I should do the road. | ||
| I'm like, I can't even believe I'm talking to Dice Clay. | ||
| You know, when I was 19 years old, I remember me and my girlfriend at the time were listening to his stand-up in a cassette in my car, giggling like little kids. | ||
| And then here I am talking to him, and he's giving me advice at the comedy store. | ||
| And he knows who you are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| And he thinks I'm funny. | ||
| So I'm like, holy shit, all right, I'll go on the road. | ||
| So I started going on the road. | ||
| And I would do, like, you know, weekends here, weekends there, but... | ||
| After Fear Factor, then I got really dedicated. | ||
| Because I had been doing it a lot in town. | ||
| I'd been doing a lot of shows at the store regularly. | ||
| And I had actually put together new material and I did well. | ||
| But my best work was all after Fear Factor was done. | ||
| Because then I was much more appreciative of it and dedicated to it. | ||
| You get to focus on it. | ||
| And get out of the road. | ||
| I think the road is gigantic. | ||
| I think I write more from the road than I did when I was in New York. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I think, A, you've got to learn how to do these longer sets, too. | ||
| Doing an hour, and that's what happens sometimes in New York. | ||
| I know a lot of New York comics can be very easy to get stuck there, where you end up doing these spots and it's a good place to be, but you're doing 15 minutes or 10 minutes. | ||
| And when I first would go out on the road and start headlining, I would be tired at 40 minutes. | ||
| You just are tired. | ||
| I wasn't used to talking that long and keeping an audience's attention that long. | ||
| It's a whole different thing. | ||
| The way you set everything up, it's so different. | ||
| That's what's fun now to go when you get to go to a theater or something and you walk out. | ||
| You know, and it's crazy. | ||
| Like, I try to never take it for granted. | ||
| You always, like, you just try to remind yourself, like, you almost, when you're there, too, you feel like they're there for someone else, which is always a very weird thing. | ||
| You're like, who's here tonight? | ||
| Because it's just so weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like in your own head, you're like, dude, I stink, dude. | ||
| When you hear your name, are you still like, what? | ||
| Who? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are they really clapping for me? | |
| Excited. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| They got babysitters, man. | ||
| It becomes more, it's a show. | ||
| I always look at it as, it feels like show business. | ||
| You're going, there's union workers, there's a light guy, there's all this, and they're doing a show. | ||
| These people got babysitters. | ||
| It's like them going to Nutcracker. | ||
| They're coming to you. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I think that's a sign of a good artist, though. | ||
| When you have that imposter syndrome, I think that's a sign of someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously. | ||
| I think I would be worried if you didn't think that way. | ||
| Yeah, who else are they coming to see? | ||
| No, but I mean, if you're like, of course they're here for me. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I'm the fucking man. | ||
| And you walked out like... | ||
| To this day, you do better with your back in a corner. | ||
| I can always tell, I think, where I feel now. | ||
| If you feel like your comedy is trying to write a new act, and you're like, dude, I stink. | ||
| I did it. | ||
| I've done all I can do. | ||
| I don't have anything else funny anymore. | ||
| You know, you should always have that feeling because you feel your back's against the wall. | ||
| And you're like, I've got to find something. | ||
| I've got to figure something out. | ||
| This special's about to come out. | ||
| These people are going to come see me. | ||
| And they're all asking, should I watch it? | ||
| Should I not watch it? | ||
| Am I going to have any... | ||
| How much stuff do you have? | ||
| You know. | ||
| And they kind of know that now. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| They used to not ever really, I think... | ||
| You know, like Seinfeld did his whole... | ||
| He was able to tour with that for 20 years. | ||
| I know, it's crazy. | ||
| And then he did two specials where he did old material on it. | ||
| One of them was, I'm telling you for the last time. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| And he did it. | ||
| And they paid him millions for those specials. | ||
| Which is hilarious. | ||
| I might tell you one more time in 20 years. | ||
| I watched that in a movie theater. | ||
| No, Comedian. | ||
| Comedian was a big reason I moved to New York. | ||
| Well, one of the things that changed is podcasts... | ||
| Where comedians started having conversations like this, where people who are fans of comedy, now they get how we do it, and they get the process. | ||
| So now, when they come to see you, if you're doing like a Tuesday night at Zaney's, they know, oh, Nate's working out some shit. | ||
| They know you're up there fucking around. | ||
| If you have some notes, they don't get, oh... | ||
| You don't even remember your stuff. | ||
| They know, like, oh, you just wrote some new shit. | ||
| Like, he wants to try it out. | ||
| Like, it's different. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| Like, they understand the process, and they also understand that if they see you and you have this new bit about something that just happened today, and then they see you again six months from now, they like to see where that bit has gone. | ||
| And they get to see the evolution of it and all the new tags that you've added to it and all the new places you've taken the concept of it. | ||
| Do you have stuff from the podcast? | ||
| Occasionally, there's an idea that'll pop into my head from the podcast and I have to remember to write it down. | ||
| There might be a bit there somewhere. | ||
| But it's usually like, I'm just kind of fleshing it out. | ||
| Burr's the most interesting to me because what Bill does is just rant. | ||
| I mean, I've been on his podcast, but for the most part, and he's had guests occasionally, and his wife is occasionally on his podcast, but for the most part, what it is, is Bill going, what the fuck, and just ranting for a fucking hour and a half, two hours, whatever he does, just ranting about all kinds of different things, and it's always entertaining, but what's interesting is there's so many different concepts that come out of these two a week, he does these Yeah, Monday and Thursday. | ||
| Hour plus long rants. | ||
| And it's a brilliant way to write. | ||
| He's always got new ideas to write. | ||
| New ideas to talk about. | ||
| Well, talking and being funny, that's the thing that I miss the most about New York, is the thing that you kind of lose is the busier you get. | ||
| You get a family, you're touring, you're kind of alone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And with your family versus back then when you're going out every night with each other and you've got to be funnier with each other than everybody else. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's other comedians. | ||
| That's why the guys are so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're sitting there at the table and everybody's there. | ||
| Bobby Kelly just, you know, talking shit. | ||
| Going crazy, you know, like Ben Bailey. | ||
| Ben Bailey, I used to hear, I remember hearing Ben Bailey, Greer Barnes, I think were the two, I would hear him, Murder the Hardest. | ||
| You would hear the audience downstairs and it was just something else, dude. | ||
| Like it was just, they would murder so hard. | ||
| We were at New York, it was the improv still, but now it's Broadway Comedy Club. | ||
| But the name was still the improv. | ||
| Which improv? | ||
| 48th, 49th. | ||
| Is that the old improv? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| This was the one... | ||
| It's now Broadway Comedy Club in the exact same building. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And so... | ||
| When did it switch over? | ||
| When was it the improv? | ||
| 2005. It was the improv before. | ||
| When I got there, it was called the improv. | ||
| He got sued, I think, because he couldn't... | ||
| Al Martin owned it. | ||
| Oh, so he didn't really have the improv name? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He was just putting it up there. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What the fuck is he thinking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck is he thinking? | |
| Well, I don't remember the whole backstory, but I remember it being, yeah, he was like, and I think they were going to sue him, and I remember them saying they were going to change the name, and then they changed it to Broadway Company Club. | ||
| That's not a bad name. | ||
| No, it was good. | ||
| But I remember it being, because we'd be upstairs running this, like, late show, and then, I don't know if you've ever been in that club, but you walk straight back, and there's a great room. | ||
| It sits probably, you know, 100 people. | ||
| And the downstairs was the picnic table room, goes deep. | ||
| And I remember you just hear Ben Bailey and Greer Barnes, dude. | ||
| I met Greer Barnes in like the early 90s. | ||
| He was killing it back then. | ||
| He's been around forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Murders, dude. | ||
| Yeah, there's always going to be those guys, you know, that have just been around for a long time. | ||
| Tony Woods? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tony Wood's been around a long time. | ||
| He's been killing it forever. | ||
| You know how I heard that? | ||
| I thought it was the boss of Bob Marley. | ||
| Bob Marley's hilarious. | ||
| He would murder, right? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Especially in Maine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's one of the rare guys. | ||
| He's a national headliner. | ||
| He could tour everywhere. | ||
| But in Maine, he does arenas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not joking. | ||
| He's a superstar. | ||
| He has so much Maine humor. | ||
| Like he would do shows in Maine where he would do like five shows a night. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like start at like noon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not joking. | ||
| That's unreal. | ||
| I just do shows all day long. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bobby Kelly would always tell me that. | ||
| Like he was like, dude, he goes, no one murdered like him, dude. | ||
| He goes, you would just hear him murder. | ||
| He's a very funny guy. | ||
| But also a super sweetheart of a guy, like a really nice guy. | ||
| Yeah, I've never met him, but... | ||
| I first met him, he was doing a guest set on a show I was doing in Maine in the middle of fucking nowhere. | ||
| I forget where we were. | ||
| And, you know, it was a local kid. | ||
| And, you know, we was talking about, you know, getting into... | ||
| I'm like, how have you been doing comedy? | ||
| He was like, really just starting out. | ||
| We were all just kind of just getting our feet wet on the road. | ||
| I met him out there. | ||
| And, you know, and then... | ||
| He went everywhere else. | ||
| He was out in LA for a bit and traveled around and did the road and all that, but became a fucking enigma. | ||
| There's nobody like him in terms of in one state, he's so famous. | ||
| So famous. | ||
| I mean, he's a national headliner everywhere, but in one state, he's a hundred times more famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| He can't go out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why would he? | ||
| Yeah, why would he? | ||
| Why would he? | ||
| He'd keep cranking out main jokes. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| This is not to compare him to... | ||
| Because it's like he's a regular comic. | ||
| But I remember thinking sometimes you would see comics, they'd have one thing that they do. | ||
| Like their hair's cut a certain way. | ||
| And it fits their act. | ||
| I have to wear this shirt because I make fun of this shirt every time. | ||
| But there was a comic in Nashville, it was an open mic a long time ago, and he had a ponytail, and he'd always do these five minutes about his ponytail. | ||
| That's all he did, every open mic. | ||
| One day he shows up, his ponytail's gone. | ||
| And we're like, what are you going to do? | ||
| And he was offended, dude. | ||
| He's like, I got other stuff, dude. | ||
| And we're like, alright. | ||
| We're so new, we're like, okay. | ||
| I used to have a ponytail. | ||
| Dude, he goes up into his new stuff and starts bombing so hard. | ||
| And he goes, so I used to have a ponytail. | ||
| And then he just does his ponytail material. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And I just remember that moment learning like, yeah, you don't want to do that. | ||
| You don't want to get caught. | ||
| You don't want to get caught that you can't change the way you look because I used to have a ponytail. | ||
| Bobcat Goldwaite went through that because he used to have that whole thing. | ||
| He'd go on stage like that with that crazy noises he would make. | ||
| And then he just said, fuck that. | ||
| I'm not doing that anymore. | ||
| And he would go on the road and they'd be like, hey, do the Bobcat thing. | ||
| He'd be like, no, fuck you. | ||
| I'm not doing it. | ||
| It took years for people to accept the fact that he didn't make those crazy police academy noises anymore. | ||
| I know Burr used to have trouble with just where they would... | ||
| You know when the Philadelphia thing came out? | ||
| The roast. | ||
| The roast. | ||
| Every crowd would be like, roast us! | ||
| They want him to do that. | ||
| He'd have to be like, no. | ||
| Burr always did really good at it. | ||
| I would see him go, no. | ||
| And I was like, would you not do old jokes? | ||
| You know because you have people yell out, do this, close with this. | ||
| And I'm like, would you ever do that? | ||
| And then he goes, no. | ||
| You just don't give it to him. | ||
| I learned that me and him went to Daytona 500 and Talladega. | ||
| He would always go to these sport events, so we'd go see that, which is unbelievable to go watch with NASCAR. It's just very fun. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| These cars are going 200 miles an hour. | ||
| They're an inch from each other. | ||
| And to be there, just how loud it is, it's just fun. | ||
| So we go. | ||
| And his special just came out, and he would do a show beforehand. | ||
| I remember we'd do the show, and his special just came out. | ||
| I mean, honestly, it was like the day before. | ||
| And then he had a whole new hour. | ||
| I was like, how do you have a new hour already? | ||
| I learned that he's almost got an hour of jokes sitting around. | ||
| You know, like you just collect. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure you do. | ||
| You just end up stuff that doesn't make specials. | ||
| That you can kind of go fall back on until you build your new... | ||
| But this hour was like... | ||
| I was like, you should save a special of that hour, dude. | ||
| Like, that hour is unbelievable. | ||
| It's a lot more, like, fun stories. | ||
| Like, you know, some just stories. | ||
| You can tell just old, kind of fun stories that he just doesn't... | ||
| Well, you know what he said once to me? | ||
| It was a really interesting point. | ||
| He said, I remember when I was a kid, I went to see bands. | ||
| And if a band would come into town and half-ass it, they just wouldn't care and wouldn't try. | ||
| I remember I felt so fucking ripped off. | ||
| And he goes, I remember thinking, I'll never do this to my fans. | ||
| I'll never fuck them over and not give them my best effort. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like Mickey Mantle or Joe DiMaggio. | ||
| Yes, Joe DiMaggio principal. | ||
| Someone out there is someone who hasn't seen Joe DiMaggio play, and I don't want to let him down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great way of looking at it. | ||
| And again, with Bill's show, his show is so interesting because it's so different than anybody else's podcast. | ||
| There's a few other guys that are doing it that way now where they rant about things. | ||
| I think Theo Vaughn does it kind of similar. | ||
| But it gives you, like, so much stuff to think and talk about. | ||
| And it works those rant muscles, you know, where you could just... | ||
| You get your brain kind of going down a hallway and you kind of configure some other stuff out and kind of grab stuff and, like, yeah, it's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, when is your special coming out? | ||
| March 18th. | ||
| It's Netflix? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Netflix. | ||
| Are you happy with the audience with masks on and everything? | ||
| It kind of marks an interesting time in history. | ||
| I didn't want it to be... | ||
| I don't want it to, like, feel like a COVID special. | ||
| So, you don't want, like, someone to, like, not watch it. | ||
| Like, in a year, it's just... | ||
| They take it off Netflix. | ||
| Like, for something, they throw it away. | ||
| You're like, y'all do that? | ||
| They're like, yeah, we did it for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We did it. | |
| Yeah, right. | ||
| So I was trying to make sure it didn't feel like that. | ||
| I open with stuff about COVID. And so I, you know, because I was like, you have to, you can't, I don't want to be, we're shooting a special outside in the audience's mask. | ||
| So I can't not address it. | ||
| And so I have a couple jokes that I do like, you know, five, eight minutes, something about COVID up top, very just down the middle kind of COVID. I'm not a, I don't like, I'm not a big preacher of, I don't care if you vote or not vote. | ||
| You know, you just kind of go like, I'm just making dumb jokes. | ||
| Like we talked about earlier, like being a comic that you're like, I don't know, what does it matter? | ||
| And so I feel pretty good about it. | ||
| I wish I would have had my normal run up to this material of actual indoor shows and I would have felt better. | ||
| But overall, I think it's like, you know, we had helicopters fly over. | ||
| We left it in. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Because it's like we just kind of riffed about it. | ||
| And then I found out later it was a police chase was going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| That's why they were... | ||
| Because I was like, how are they not... | ||
| Like, what is going... | ||
| Like, one of the jokes I make about it, I was like... | ||
| One would come from here and one comes over here. | ||
| I'm like, why doesn't they talk to each other and go, hey, I'm already over here, dude. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Because they keep coming. | ||
| I'm like, that's the main thing a helicopter does is stay in the place. | ||
| Like hover. | ||
| And hover. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would just hear him go, and then a different one would come. | ||
| You're like, just stay. | ||
| Why don't you stay over there, man? | ||
| Police changes are so strange because they show them on TV, and it's so compelling. | ||
| Because you know the guy's going to get caught. | ||
| You're like, when is it going to happen? | ||
| It's the greatest. | ||
| And then finally the tire blows out, and you see the guy's driving on sparks. | ||
| Just run through a neighborhood. | ||
| And you're watching it all from one of them news helicopters, right? | ||
| So they're watching it all from the top. | ||
| News helicopters are weird too, man, right? | ||
| I mean, they're kind of in the way. | ||
| They're involved in this weird chase. | ||
| Yeah, because, I mean, I don't know if they have to go at a higher... | ||
| I wonder how they do that. | ||
| Yeah, they have to go at a higher level or something. | ||
| There must be something like that. | ||
| LA had police chases. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| We never really had them in Nashville. | ||
| So it was very special if one popped up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very special. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it was like a new movie dropping. | ||
| You're just glued to the TV. The big thing was always wondering if the guy was going to get caught. | ||
| Was there going to be a shootout? | ||
| Was the guy going to die? | ||
| I remember one of them, I don't know if it was a car chase or what, but there was a guy that was on a bridge with a shotgun and blew his brains out on television, and they didn't know if they should pull away or not, and they're filming it, they didn't know what was going to happen, and then boom! | ||
| You see this guy blow his brains out on TV. That's the Erie, Pennsylvania, the documentary on Netflix in Erie, Pennsylvania. | ||
| There's a comedy club there, Juniors Comedy Club. | ||
| And you have to be clean to work that club. | ||
| But the guy that had the bomb attached to his... | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| The bomb attached to his neck. | ||
| Did they ever figure that out? | ||
| Did they ever figure out who put that bomb on him? | ||
| It was that the people that were with him made him do it. | ||
| Like, I don't know if he was... | ||
| I think, you know. | ||
| He blew his brains out, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It went off. | ||
| A neck bomb. | ||
| A neck bomb. | ||
| The pizza bomb. | ||
| Or what is that what they call him or something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They just sent him out there in the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and then it ends up killing him. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| Yeah, those guys did it. | ||
| Look at the people in that fucking picture. | ||
| Look at these sketchy fucking people. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You're not surprised by any of them. | ||
| If you just saw the pictures of them, you might be able to guess what they did before you know. | ||
| So he was involved in it? | ||
| He was a part of it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think... | |
| I don't... | ||
| I don't know if I remember. | ||
| I don't know if he was involved in it. | ||
| You know, almost like kind of the make and the murder, like the... | ||
| Right. | ||
| The kid, you know, where it's kind of... | ||
| Like you don't know. | ||
| You're like, maybe he was there, dude, but he doesn't really... | ||
| He didn't know what he was doing. | ||
| Or he didn't... | ||
| I don't know if he even did it. | ||
| Maybe he was just there. | ||
| Like, I don't know. | ||
| But it's like, you know, he's definitely the person that you're like, he's not... | ||
| You feel bad, the worst for. | ||
| I mean, that guy, Doc. | ||
| So, you know, well, you know, you have children and you know that when you see someone who's gone so far down the wrong road that they're wearing a neck bomb sitting there with a cops around like that was someone's child. | ||
| Like that was someone's little baby. | ||
| And now all of a sudden they're in a fucking shootout with the cops or they're in a high speed chase and their tire blows out and they're being followed by a news helicopter. | ||
| Your biggest fear to hear that, you're like, how were their parents? | ||
| You're like, parents were lovely. | ||
| Like, his parents were like, they lived in a great neighborhood. | ||
| Sadly, but you do want to hear, like, how was his family? | ||
| You're like, he was raised in a tree. | ||
| And you're like, all right, we're fine, man. | ||
| Like, we're good. | ||
| That is a scary thing, right? | ||
| If you're a good parent, but your kid just has a blown fuse. | ||
| Yeah, you have no idea. | ||
| Well, they always say that with school. | ||
| Like, I remember seeing a Jeffrey Dahmer's dad. | ||
| They interviewed his dad. | ||
| And they're like, is there any signs? | ||
| Like, he used to kill animals and stuff like that. | ||
| And they're like, you know, there's always signs afterwards. | ||
| Like, no one believes. | ||
| You can never imagine That your kid is going to be the most famous serial killer on earth. | ||
| You just couldn't wrap your head around that. | ||
| And his dad, he's like, yeah, he used to kill animals and stuff. | ||
| It was like the 50s. | ||
| He's like, I thought kids just did that. | ||
| I don't know if he knew that it was going to get to... | ||
| Because you can't imagine. | ||
| Yeah, and that was the thing with Jeffrey Dahmer, too. | ||
| He's like one of the first guys that ate people. | ||
| Yeah, it's a lot. | ||
| Remember your son is like one of the first serial killers that was eating his victims? | ||
| He fucked them and he ate them. | ||
| At least he's kind of like using everything, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very green. | ||
| It's like hunting. | ||
| Yeah, it's like he was ahead of his time. | ||
| You're like, wow, all right. | ||
| He's an organic serial killer. | ||
| He would keep them in like barrels, like sealed barrels in his house. | ||
| Imagine that's your boy. | ||
| That's your little baby boy. | ||
| Like, you're throwing cats with him out in the yard. | ||
| Alright, Jeff. | ||
| Time to get ready to go to school. | ||
| Come on, Jeff. | ||
| First day of school with Jeff. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| He bit somebody. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Killed a squirrel today during recess. | ||
| Yeah, they got kids, you know. | ||
| He just gets in the car. | ||
| Kids will be kids. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| I don't know if his family would have just... | ||
| Would you ever even have pictures of him? | ||
| That's a lot to deal with. | ||
| That's like the Iceman. | ||
| The Iceman, that guy... | ||
| Richard Kuklinski? | ||
| Yeah, he had a family. | ||
| Yeah, he had a wife and children. | ||
| Yeah, and to have no idea... | ||
| I think he was abusive to his wife, I'm sure. | ||
| She would be surprised to the extent, but it wasn't probably like she's like, yeah, he's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that guy scared the fuck out of me because the way he would be so calm about the way he murdered people, he'd be like, and he was abuse. | ||
| His father abused the fuck out of him, and that turned him into that kind of a monster. | ||
| If you abuse a kid that much when they're young and you make them angry and mean and vicious when they're that young and then they grow up to do something like that. | ||
| A pit bull is like a dog. | ||
| It's the longest thing. | ||
| You're just training it to be a problem. | ||
| Well, dude, I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Let's wrap this bitch up. | ||
| Your special April... | ||
| No, March. | ||
| March 18th. | ||
| It's Thursday. | ||
| This Thursday? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Thursday. | ||
| Okay, so as of the day this podcast comes out, it'll be tomorrow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alright, brother. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| Well, my pleasure. | ||
| Let's do it again. | ||
| I would love it, dude. | ||
| I would love it. | ||
| Yeah, Nashville's a hop, skip, and a jump away from here. | ||
| Come on down. | ||
| Your face is on the wall. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I've got to come down to Zany's. | ||
| The dump truck ran through my face. | ||
| Did it run through your face? | ||
| Did you see the picture of the dump truck? | ||
| I did. | ||
| It only went through my face. | ||
| Did it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That was your face? | ||
| Just my face. | ||
| They fixed it pretty quick. | ||
| They did really good. | ||
| They sold out show that weekend, so they got it going. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They put like wall up, you know, sold out of them, whatever, the scents have sold out now, but yeah, they put like a, like, you know, dry, like something to make it real quick. | ||
| Are you happier? | ||
| Oh, you and John Witherspoon. | ||
| Got a little John's cheek and then just... | ||
| Are you happy with the new painting or do you like the old painting? | ||
| No, no, I'm happy with a new one. | ||
| I actually had him change the picture. | ||
| He grabbed the picture because of the old picture that he had and I had him change the picture. | ||
| Dude, the news was down there every day. | ||
| What happened with the guy who drove the truck? | ||
| He was going to a port-a-john to the bathroom and he walks out and doesn't put a neutral in it. | ||
| Oh, it just rolled. | ||
| Just rolled. | ||
| And it's a big one. | ||
| March 18th. | ||
| So as of the day this podcast comes out, it'll be out tomorrow. | ||
| So thank you, Nate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you, brother. | |
| Appreciate it. |
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