Dec. 30, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:31:25
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | ||
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
| You might know him from the Kill Tony podcast or numerous other things. | ||
| Please welcome Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| That's my attempt at an intro. | ||
| I'm going to do that for every episode. | ||
| Just introduce the people while they're right there so they have to look at me. | ||
| Make a weird, uncomfortable moment. | ||
| You can do the radio voice and I just leave the logo on. | ||
| Hey, I can. | ||
| Very nice. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Radio voice. | ||
| Do you guys have sound in your headphones? | ||
| You don't hear anything? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Oh, crank the volume up. | ||
| See the volume? | ||
| Two, two, two, two, two. | ||
| Okay, there it is. | ||
| Yeah, there was some weird crackling, so we had to... | ||
| Jamie has to monkey with some things. | ||
| Make it happen. | ||
| Hey, buddy. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Hey, good to be here. | ||
| Welcome to Texas. | ||
| You're here. | ||
| Dude, we need to have a celebratory adult beverage. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You said okay like you're about to get punched in the arm. | ||
| Texas whiskey. | ||
| Here we go again. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| You live here now. | ||
| It's very exciting. | ||
| Amazing transition. | ||
| Dude, it's begun. | ||
| Salute. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| So many things are happening, ladies and gentlemen, that we can't totally talk about yet. | ||
| But things are moving. | ||
| We got pieces in play. | ||
| We got a lot of stuff happening for stand-up comedy here in Austin, Texas. | ||
| It's on the way, kids! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Very exciting stuff. | ||
| So exciting. | ||
| Yeah, so Tim Dillon, he's in. | ||
| You're in. | ||
| Segura's in. | ||
| Segura, poor Segura. | ||
| Did you see Segura broke his fucking arm? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, what happened? | |
| And blew his knee out. | ||
| I don't even get it. | ||
| Dunking. | ||
| Him and Burt were playing basketball, getting real competitive, and he was dunking. | ||
| Blew his patella tendon out, which is the huge tendon in the front of your knee that connects your kneecap. | ||
| And then, on his way down, fell and snapped his arm in half. | ||
| It's crazy that that would happen. | ||
| Obese guys dunking basketballs. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I mean, look at how swollen. | ||
| That's just not even swollen. | ||
| That's just fat above his elbow there. | ||
| So rude. | ||
| So, so rude. | ||
| I mean, these guys are huge. | ||
| Look at that arm. | ||
| That arm is fucked up. | ||
| That is a giant scar. | ||
| That is an entire length from his elbow all the way to his shoulder. | ||
| So they open you up like a fish, and then they have to put plates and shit in there and screws. | ||
| Yikes. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| This is why I don't do any of that physical stuff. | ||
| Stick to golf. | ||
| Well, that was the last straw for you. | ||
| They closed golf in LA. Gone. | ||
| How'd they close golf? | ||
| I know. | ||
| How can they close golf? | ||
| That makes zero sense. | ||
| There's no way anybody's caught it out there. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| You're outside. | ||
| You're not anywhere near anybody. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You literally, they're over way the fuck over there. | ||
| Even the people that you play with. | ||
| Those people, naturally, you're going to be at least 10 feet away from them the whole time. | ||
| There's other solutions that aren't going to cripple the economy, too. | ||
| Like, these goddamn rapid tests are available. | ||
| They're available. | ||
| Tonight, at the show that you and I are doing with Chappelle and Donnell Rawlings, they're going to test everyone in the whole audience. | ||
| That's 300 fucking people. | ||
| You're telling me you can't do that at a golf course? | ||
| How come we did it here? | ||
| How come we just did it here? | ||
| We did it with the security guys. | ||
| We did it with everybody. | ||
| Except Jamie. | ||
| Well, Jamie even did it. | ||
| Jamie found out he's got the nice anti-bodies. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| You can spit in Jamie's mouth. | ||
| He ain't gonna catch it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Let's try it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha ha! | |
| The way he said that sounded so gay. | ||
| That's the way I sounded. | ||
| All the time with everything. | ||
| But it was like, really, let's try it. | ||
| It was like the beginning of a porno. | ||
| No hesitation. | ||
| So, yeah, I mean, I don't understand their strategy. | ||
| I don't understand why they think this is okay to do. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| there's a difference in the mentality there in la about the disease it's that it's it's they're treating it like it's a monster whereas out here they're treating it like it's a disease like out here they're treating it like it's a bad flu they're treating it like like what the statistics and what the you know what what the the data shows it's not good if It's not good. | ||
| But if you're young and you're healthy and you take care of yourself, and then the deaths are much lower than they've been before because they know how to treat it better. | ||
| The treatments are available. | ||
| They're better. | ||
| I just don't think it's something I want to catch. | ||
| I don't think it's something that you should catch. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| I think you should take precautions. | ||
| But you can do that and still open up businesses, and you've got to give people the opportunity to do what they want to do. | ||
| You've got to give people the chance to make up their own mind, make up their own decisions, and for whatever reason, LA does not want to do that. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| It's so shocking what's going on there. | ||
| And, you know, from some of my own research, which is crazy that I'm the one researching it, yeah. | ||
| You're doing science? | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| I get stoned and go to the CDC website and look into these things. | ||
| And one of the main things is that it's not even hitting the areas that are completely closed. | ||
| LA County is so spread, they're closing the whole thing. | ||
| But so many of the cases are coming east of... | ||
| Downtown and east of where we work and live so often. | ||
| And 70-80% of the cases in LA are Latino people. | ||
| And nobody's talking about it. | ||
| And no one's talking directly to them about... | ||
| I just typed in LA County and this was just popping up. | ||
| In alarming shift, Latinos getting coronavirus at more than double the rate of whites in LA County. | ||
| By the way, thank you, KTLA, for not saying Latinx people. | ||
| Do you know who fucking hates Latinx more than anybody? | ||
| Latinos. | ||
| They do not like that shit. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's some new nonsense woke horse shit where they're trying to non-gender... | ||
| Because it's like Latino, Latina. | ||
| They're trying to take away gender from Latin people, so they're calling it Latinx. | ||
| Oh boy. | ||
| It's a part of the language! | ||
| It's a part of Spanish! | ||
| There's a way to say male and female in Spanish. | ||
| Latina, Latino. | ||
| I mean, this is a part of their fucking culture. | ||
| And they're trying to erase it with wokeness. | ||
| I wonder, I think there's probably a bunch of factors, but some of them is that a lot of Latino folks tend to live with their families. | ||
| They tend to have a lot of people under one roof. | ||
| And then on top of that, I would imagine it's a vitamin D thing as well because... | ||
| Folks with darker skin, just in general, are more protected from sunlight. | ||
| They're more protected from the dangers of sunlight because of melanin. | ||
| But because of that, it's more difficult for their body to produce vitamin D. My friend Moshe, when he was a doctor in New York, he said that they would do tests on black folks there, and they would have undetectable levels of vitamin D. He said some of them, like, literally, you couldn't detect the level. | ||
| It was that low. | ||
| You know, he's telling these people, like, you have to take vitamin D. It's, like, it's very important because, look, it's fantastic to have dark skin if you live in Africa. | ||
| It protects you from, you know, you and I would be fucked. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or, you know, what would really be fucked is, like, Santino. | ||
| He'd be fucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He would burst into flames. | ||
| I would, I'll tan up. | ||
| I'll tan up pretty, every single except my vitiligo spots, I'll tan up pretty good. | ||
| But Santino, like Louis C. Gay, he'll burst right into flames. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, those guys are fucked. | ||
| But, you know, dark folks have no problem with it. | ||
| I mean, their body's protected because of the melanin. | ||
| But that melanin also prevents you from absorbing vitamin D at the same rate. | ||
| Like, when you see a really white guy, like from Scotland or something like that, the reason why they're so fucking pale is that over generation after generation, their bodies have evolved to be like a fucking, like a solar panel for vitamin D. Right. | ||
| You know, they're just all white. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I mean, that's literally why their skin is that color. | ||
| It's just a vitamin D thing. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So crazy. | ||
| So for Latino folks, you know, tend to be on the darker side. | ||
| It's probably like for white folks, it's a real issue, particularly for white folks who don't go outside. | ||
| But for Latino folks, it's probably a big issue. | ||
| But it's just funny to me because no one's talking to them directly. | ||
| When the Governor Newsom gives his briefings and all this, and even that, I feel like that's the first article I've ever seen about anything. | ||
| And there it is, almost probably recent. | ||
| But it's been this way the entire time. | ||
| And also... | ||
| Those numbers, the percentage of the people that have gotten it in LA, those numbers are also the ones that they know for sure are Latino or Latina or Latinx or whatever. | ||
| Don't say it! | ||
| Don't say it! | ||
| But if you look underneath that, there's a large number of unknown, and those unknowns, my guess... | ||
| Is mostly Latino and Latina. | ||
| Because how would you not know what ethnicity they are? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Maybe they don't give that information because they don't want to say or maybe they're illegal. | ||
| Dude, you really are doing research. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You're looking for correlating factors. | ||
| The first month of this thing, I was trying to figure out the cure, man. | ||
| They're messing with mixing things up. | ||
| No one's been more desperate than stand-ups looking to get on stage. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Do you remember when you were starting out, when you were an open-miker, and you'd go to a show, like an open-mic night, and hoping you'd get up, and maybe you couldn't, and you'd see people get up, and some of them would do well, and some of them wouldn't, and you'd be sitting there just dying to get up. | ||
| Do you remember that feeling? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's a crazy feeling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I never let go of that. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Those were, I mean, bicycle trips, and... | ||
| And bus rides and everything. | ||
| I mean, those were crazy, crazy days. | ||
| Sometimes we would wait out. | ||
| I have very clear memories of me, Jamar, Gerard, all of us waiting out on the sidewalk during the daytime. | ||
| I mean, the sun beating down on us. | ||
| We'd have to wait outside of the improv Tuesdays at like 4 p.m. | ||
| And we would wait two hours. | ||
| That's how you got on the 6 p.m. | ||
| open mic, was just by waiting outside. | ||
| Is Jamar the most shredded stand-up comic ever? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He might be. | ||
| And somehow or another he pulls it off. | ||
| He goes on stage with no shirt on. | ||
| Just jacked. | ||
| Jacked and shredded. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And accessories go well with him. | ||
| A giant chain, a mohawk for no reason. | ||
| Maybe he glues that mohawk on his head. | ||
| Isn't he taking an amateur fight? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did he do it already? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I don't know what happened, though. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I did a show... | ||
| He looks like he fucked some people up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I did a show in his living room. | ||
| No! | ||
| Yeah, he started doing a living room show. | ||
| I mean, you want to talk about the shadiest super spreader thing that I've done during this whole time. | ||
| He asked me, and you know, we've been friends for, what, 13 years, and he never asks for anything, but he wanted me to do this show. | ||
| I agreed to it. | ||
| It was one of those ones where I forgot that I had it. | ||
| He's like, hey, you still coming? | ||
| I'm like, am I placed it in the afternoon? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, man, I sent the address. | ||
| What time is this? | ||
| It was like an afternoon thing. | ||
| It was like 4 to 6 or something. | ||
| How many people were in the audience? | ||
| He's got one coming up. | ||
| I'm not going to put it online because it's got his address on it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Apartment show jammers. | ||
| He put that on Instagram? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, well, put his Instagram. | ||
| This is dumb motherfuckers crazy enough to put his Instagram online. | ||
| Don't show everybody his address. | ||
| He's got a pretty legit line up there. | ||
| Okay, we're going to have to hide it because this will be a disaster, Jamar. | ||
| I mean, in his apartment, by the way. | ||
| This already happened. | ||
| This was last weekend. | ||
| Well, it doesn't matter. | ||
| People are going to be banging on the door. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When's the next show, man? | |
| I can't even read his handwriting. | ||
| You can read that? | ||
| No. | ||
| How do you read that? | ||
| That is the worst lineup sheet I've ever seen. | ||
| First of all, he writes like he's an English scholar from the 1400s. | ||
| Like, look at his handwriting! | ||
| He's writing with long cursives, like the J's and the H's, they all dip real low. | ||
| I was looking for a picture, but the rest of it, he just put up art. | ||
| I don't know if he makes it all or not. | ||
| There's a picture of him. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Oh, you want a picture of him shirtless? | ||
| Well, with the shirt or the mohawk or something. | ||
| There's one. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Shredded. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| I mean, that's the gayest hat of all time. | ||
| Did that look? | ||
| Not on him, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On anybody else? | ||
| On me, for sure. | ||
| Look, he's fucking that dude's mouth. | ||
| He grabbed that giant head and he's fucking his mouth. | ||
| But it was so much fun. | ||
| I ended up just roasting his tiny little apartment. | ||
| I mean, there's people sitting on his bed against the wall facing you, sitting on the couch, sitting against the walls. | ||
| How many people are in the room? | ||
| My guess is 20, 25 in this tiny room. | ||
| Hey, that's a good set. | ||
| That's a good set in the OR. There's something about... | ||
| There it is, the apartment show. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Look at the people just crammed together in the corners. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Imagine the fucking people that are his neighbors going, what is Jamar doing? | ||
| What is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That is hilarious. | ||
| That is a fucking hilarious show. | ||
| That was one of the things I said. | ||
| I said, for a guy with the last name Neighbors, he sure is bad at being one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I roasted the shit out of him. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He kept going, because he was sitting next to me when I was doing it, and I just kept making fun of him, making fun of his place, making fun of him. | ||
| And he goes, get off me, man, get off me. | ||
| I go, get off you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
you. | |
| What am I, an overweight white chick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So much fun. | |
| There's those bonds, man, that you have with people like that, especially people like that, that you remember being in line with, that you know didn't have a car for years. | ||
| Where's Jarrod at? | ||
| Where's he been? | ||
| I haven't seen him in forever. | ||
| He kind of stopped doing stand-up pre-pandemic. | ||
| He came on the show when he did that special. | ||
| He produced that special for Drew... | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| Michael? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think. | ||
| Drew Lynch. | ||
| Drew Michael. | ||
| The one that he did on HBO with no audience at all, which is a very odd choice. | ||
| But when I talked to him, he said he hadn't done stand-up in a year. | ||
| And I was like, I don't know, that seems crazy to me, like, for a guy who's that good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was one of the guys that pushed all of us, you know, him and Angelo Bowers, who was killed in a car accident. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A couple years into our careers. | ||
| But those two guys, and I'm sure you had this probably when you started, it's like, those were the two guys that Would kill the next day with new stuff that they didn't have the day before. | ||
| We all knew what each other was writing and working on and everything because we were all so different. | ||
| And we would see each other because we were stuck performing in front of each other. | ||
| That's how it starts. | ||
| And he was so, so brilliant. | ||
| It's interesting that, you know, I don't know, these guys like getting into other things. | ||
| I just can't imagine it. | ||
| Well, sometimes the thing that makes them brilliant is they're brilliant because they have amazing amounts of enthusiasm about something that's new. | ||
| And so then that something that's new is not new anymore. | ||
| Then it's something they've become accustomed to. | ||
| Stand-up comedy is a weird art form. | ||
| You really don't get good for like 10 years. | ||
| 10 years in is when you really start getting good. | ||
| I mean, you can be funny, like, two years in, three years in. | ||
| You can be funny. | ||
| But, I mean, to have a real, like, crafted set, a solid set... | ||
| It takes a long fucking time. | ||
| And some people don't enjoy the grind of it, and then they'll do other things. | ||
| Gerard's very talented, very smart. | ||
| He can do a lot of different things if he chooses to. | ||
| So I think he probably got interested in other things. | ||
| I know he's doing television and film, and he's just... | ||
| Probably just interested in different ways to express creativity. | ||
| Some people don't like one way. | ||
| They'll just start painting. | ||
| I don't want to do this anymore. | ||
| I want to play music. | ||
| I want to fucking make sculpture. | ||
| There's a purity in that, right? | ||
| You don't just want to do what's getting you the most attention or what's getting you the most positive reinforcement. | ||
| You really want to do what you feel like doing. | ||
| That's like real artistic expression. | ||
| But most of us, when you find something that you start getting some success at, especially something like stand-up comedy that's so difficult to get good at, that once you start getting good at it, you just say, this is what I do. | ||
| I'm just going to keep doing this. | ||
| Like, I don't draw at all anymore, you know? | ||
| And I used to draw all the time. | ||
| I very rarely draw. | ||
| But when I was a kid, it was my life. | ||
| Like, I was always drawing. | ||
| You know, I don't have other real artistic expressions. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, just stand up and that's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But for a guy like Gerard, maybe not good enough. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Like Bobcat Goldthwait started directing movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you ever see Willow Creek? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Willow Creek is probably the best Bigfoot movie ever made. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it's a Bobcat Goldthwait movie. | ||
| You know what else he directed? | ||
| My favorite comedy movie of all time, Windy City Heat. | ||
| Oh, did he direct that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what else he directed? | ||
| And he stars in it. | ||
| Shakes the Clown, the alcoholic clown movie. | ||
| Or he starred in it. | ||
| Did he direct it? | ||
| I'm not sure if he directed it. | ||
| He's a guy that had an interesting career. | ||
| Because he started out as a character. | ||
| Almost like Emo Phillips-esque. | ||
| Different than Emo Phillips, but Emo is this guy. | ||
| And Bobcat was this guy. | ||
| I remember it very clearly when I was a kid. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| So much energy. | ||
| But did he direct it? | ||
| He did. | ||
| It's a wild fucking movie, man. | ||
| That's a wild movie. | ||
| Shake the Clown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alcoholic Clown movie. | |
| Never seen that. | ||
| It's funny, dude. | ||
| You would like it. | ||
| But he made a conscious decision. | ||
| I'm not doing that character anymore. | ||
| And he would go and do stand-up, and people would get mad at him. | ||
| Like, hey, man! | ||
| How come you're not screaming? | ||
| He's like, uh, that's not really me. | ||
| I don't really scream. | ||
| It's like a character I developed. | ||
| Fucking scream! | ||
| It's good! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's like, no, I'm not doing it anymore. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's like, you know who's unbelievably awesome is Gilbert Gottfried. | ||
| That's Gilbert though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's not a character, like he seems like a character, but it's just kind of Gilbert at 10. Yep, exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what's funny is that the few times that I've worked with him, or like when he did Kill Tony once in New York as a surprise guest, which was so awesome, and on the TV tapings for shows that I wrote on that he was on, He comes in at 2 and you're sort of concerned. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Is he sort of tired today? | ||
| This and that and all that. | ||
| It gives me the chills thinking about it. | ||
| When it's showtime and he hears that crowd and goes in front of the lights, he just all the way. | ||
| Not even 10. He's at 30. All the way. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's a legend. | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried is a legit comedy legend. | ||
| Is he still in New York City during all this crazy shit? | ||
| I'm sure he is, yeah. | ||
| Has he caught the COVID yet? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| How do you live in New York City stacked on top of people and not catch it? | ||
| Man, it's crazy. | ||
| But they also seem to have really hunkered down and sort of... | ||
| Sort of, you know, done a good job at closing it in. | ||
| I think they got the shit scared out of them in the beginning. | ||
| Because they were sort of embarrassed, right? | ||
| Because New York was the first one to really get it. | ||
| Well, you know, a lot of it was those nursing home cases. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a horrific story, man. | |
| Again, people don't even talk about this. | ||
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| It's almost like a mini-genocide, what they did. | ||
| Well, they didn't know any better, or they didn't know what to do. | ||
| What's weird is when Cuomo goes on CNN and talks to his brother, they don't even bring it up. | ||
| Creepy. | ||
| I'm going to tell you, I'm a proud Italian guy, and I can't stand those two guys. | ||
| I mean, I really, really, truly dislike them. | ||
| The Cuomo brothers. | ||
| And I hate that people like them. | ||
| Oh, but they're chemistry. | ||
| They're good together. | ||
| It makes me mad. | ||
| What makes you mad about it? | ||
| They just are such fake, phony, freaking, just, it just exudes fakeness to me. | ||
| Well, if you have to be, if you're going to be on CNN, there's a certain amount of what you do that's coordinated and programmed. | ||
| It's just how it is. | ||
| There's a certain amount of it. | ||
| It seems like Andrew is, over time, is having a hard time dealing with questions and shit. | ||
| Andrew's a big fucking guy. | ||
| Because Chris is like 6'2". | ||
| Chris is the one I dislike the most. | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| You know about him going out with the coronavirus and all that or not having it or whatever he did. | ||
| Well, he went to look at property that he was developing and some guy yelled at him, you're supposed to be quarantining. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, fuck you! | |
| They got into it. | ||
| On the live show, he's in his basement. | ||
| Well, that was fake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like, I'm finally coming out of the basement for the first time. | ||
| But in his defense, that is what they would ask you to do. | ||
| They would make you do something like that if you want to work at CNN. Like, if you want to work... | ||
| Forget CNN. If you want to work on a television show and they know that this is an opportunity to film you coming out of the basement, they go, come on, Chris. | ||
| I was like, well, make it like it... | ||
| He's like, I've been out of the basement the whole time! | ||
|
unidentified
|
There he is. | |
| Ready? | ||
| No? | ||
| Back down again? | ||
| Okay, we'll try it again. | ||
| One more time. | ||
| Chris, I'd like you to come up, but this time just a little less enthusiastic. | ||
| Chris Cuomo returns from his basement quarantine. | ||
| I don't want to play the video. | ||
| No, don't. | ||
| What a doofus. | ||
| It's so phony. | ||
| He gets up there and his whole family has to play along with it. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Finally. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| I finally made it! | ||
| Please stop. | ||
| Stop, Jamie. | ||
| Don't make me. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| Don't make me. | ||
| It's supposed to be an honest news network. | ||
| Well, it's a program. | ||
| It's an entertainment program about the news. | ||
| That's really what it is. | ||
| And it's an opinion program about the news. | ||
| It's not just the AP. Associated Press, you read stories in the Associated Press, their tone is very... | ||
| It's neutral. | ||
| They're just explaining facts. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I try to read stuff that's just the facts. | ||
| And then I'll read opinions on both sides to try to mess my head up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| CNN's gone haywire though, man. | ||
| I mean, they are just... | ||
| Death is coming to all of us 24-7 a day, no matter what is happening in the news. | ||
| I wonder what that is. | ||
| You think they feel like they have a responsibility and they have to warn people? | ||
| They have to get people to... | ||
| I want to break it down. | ||
| I'd love to break it down. | ||
| How are most cases being caught? | ||
| I know there's a bubble that you can see and it infuriated... | ||
| My friends, Janet and Evan, who are the owner and chef of Felix, my favorite restaurant in LA, because I sent it to them. | ||
| And you can see, like, out of restaurants, 3% of all contracted cases came from restaurants. | ||
| Like, close them down! | ||
| Like, how? | ||
| Why? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Like, why would you shut down outdoor dining when just restaurants... | ||
| Alone caused 3%. | ||
| And how many of those 3% of the people that are working in the kitchen? | ||
| Are they on top of each other? | ||
| 3%? | ||
| 3% is like, that's everything. | ||
| 3%, what business doesn't have 3%? | ||
| And then most of them have more. | ||
| Like retail, and food, and gas stations. | ||
| There's a lot of them that were higher than that. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| I wasn't supposed to even... | ||
| My plan was to come here in January or February. | ||
| And then when I was here visiting a few weeks ago, a month ago or whatever, was when on the last day before we left they said they're going to re-lock down. | ||
| We had to go back into that. | ||
| And it was just, from then on, it was just, let's go. | ||
| They're doing stay at home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what is the highway right now? | ||
| Like when you go on the highway in LA? It's still packed. | ||
| I mean, it's the same thing. | ||
| There's nothing, nothing's changing. | ||
| Some people are like, fuck you. | ||
| Everybody's, everybody that has, there's still enough people that have to work that the freeways are crazy. | ||
| And those people don't live in town. | ||
| You know, they live out of town, so they have to drive. | ||
| And people need to go to the grocery. | ||
| It's so funny that they haven't figured out a way to make shopping safer, the things that people have to do. | ||
| It's not that dangerous. | ||
| What's so dangerous about shopping? | ||
| I don't know, but I'd love to see that bubble percentage in grocery stores from people that have stayed confined and only done the absolute right thing, the necessities. | ||
| I think the people that are getting in grocery stores are the people that work in grocery stores. | ||
| I think that's, if I had to guess, I don't have to guess. | ||
| But if I'm gonna guess, that's what I would imagine. | ||
| I'd imagine it's the people that work there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I mean, I just don't know. | ||
| I don't know how people are catching this thing. | ||
| But it seems to mostly be, my guess, family gatherings, not taking off work, when sick, when showing symptoms. | ||
| You know, it affects poor people, I think, the most. | ||
| That eat the worst foods, that drink the worst things, and that can't take off of work. | ||
| That are willing to work a few days sick. | ||
| I mean, that is what we're... | ||
| Well, we're taught in Ohio, right? | ||
| Just go to work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go to school. | ||
| You're sick? | ||
| Suck it up. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's the American way, and I think that's why, obviously, a part of it's affecting us deeply. | ||
| And we're a social place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| You're discouraged from taking sick days. | ||
| Isn't that interesting? | ||
| Because now, if people find out you're sick, they're like, get the fuck away from me. | ||
| Stay home, Tony. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now they'll be like, stay home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Theo had the best thing. | ||
| He said, what is it? | ||
| Coughing is the new N-word. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How about sneezing? | ||
| Sneezing fucking sprays it. | ||
| Like open mouth sneezing? | ||
| Oh my god, people will want to kill you. | ||
| Yeah, it's frightening. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| When are we going to come out of this? | ||
| What do you think it's going to look like on the other side? | ||
| I think once this vaccine rolls out, it's going to be party time, man. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think that's just the American way. | ||
| I think that people are going to go 110% once they have any inkling that they're going to be okay or that they're not going to spread it. | ||
| I think it's game on. | ||
| So today it started rolling out in the UK. They started giving... | ||
| I don't know how the English people beat us on this one, but they started rolling out the vaccine to normies today. | ||
| And so it should be close. | ||
| Want some fun Texas tobacco? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| William Shakespeare was the first one to get it. | ||
| That's his name? | ||
| For real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Were they just trying to be silly? | ||
| Possibly, but that was the guy's name. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's really funny. | ||
| William Shakespeare. | ||
| Right there, he looks like him too. | ||
| Man named William Shakespeare, one of the first to get Pfizer vaccine. | ||
| Jesus Christ, he looks like him. | ||
| Imagine if it is William Shakespeare. | ||
| Somehow or another, soul to soul to the devil to write some awesome plays. | ||
| And he's still alive, and he has to just keep moving around. | ||
| And people are like, you're not the same William Shakespeare. | ||
| He's like, okay, whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| He wants to tell him, imagine if you live forever, but you have to live forever as a dying man. | ||
| Ooh, wow, that's crazy. | ||
| Like, live forever, but you live forever as a guy in his 90s who's just barely able to walk. | ||
| Oh my god, it is him. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was just kidding. | |
| Imagine. | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| Shakespeare had an earring? | ||
| I don't, I mean... | ||
| Whoa, look at that. | ||
| Shakespeare. | ||
| It was ahead of the curve. | ||
| Yeah, baller. | ||
| Or it was behind the curve. | ||
| I mean, the earrings would probably come in waves, right? | ||
| Like when I was a kid, I had an earring. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah, I had two. | ||
| No way. | ||
| One in each ear? | ||
| No, both in one ear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Just to leave no doubt. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I had a hoop and I had a diamond stud. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But it wasn't a diamond. | ||
| It was a cubic zirconium. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I cannot picture that at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| Would you do it again? | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| But my daughter's done it to me. | ||
| One of my holes is still active. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's an interesting thing to take that snip. | ||
| Jamie's got a picture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Very embarrassing. | ||
| But that is what it is. | ||
| That is... | ||
| I think I'm 21 there. | ||
| Or 22, maybe? | ||
| 22? | ||
| Well, it says Jeff Sussman on it, so I'm probably 23. Maybe 24. 23 or 24. Look at that fucking guy. | ||
| Fucking earring. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| You have more of a Tony Hinchcliffe-shaped skull in that picture than you currently do. | ||
| I think you'd like to believe that. | ||
| I like to believe that there was a time where my skull was shaped like yours. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| You had a little bit of a... | ||
| You want to get it thicker? | ||
| You want to get it wider? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| A bunch of things you got to do. | ||
| How do I do it? | ||
| Testosterone, growth hormone, and deadlifts. | ||
| You got to do a lot of heavy lifting. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You got to literally change your bone structure. | ||
| You can get your face a little thicker. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Yeah, but you gotta make sure you do it the correct way. | ||
| You don't wanna fuck your body up. | ||
| What happens if you don't do it right? | ||
| We've talked about this before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That you wanted to get bigger. | ||
| You wanted to bulk up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really, really... | ||
| I've tried before. | ||
| Like, I've tried actual... | ||
| But you haven't. | ||
| By the book, weight gain things. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Back in the day, I did. | ||
| Fuck the book. | ||
| You gotta get a trainer. | ||
| You have to get a trainer. | ||
| You have to get someone who's going to show you the stuff to do and make you do the work. | ||
| I know you think you do the work on your own, but you don't do the work on your own compared to if you had Tony Meathead reaching over, showing you how to get big. | ||
| You have to lift heavy things. | ||
| There's no way around it. | ||
| And that's one of the things that changes your structure. | ||
| Like, deadlifts is a big one because deadlifts forces your whole body to work, right? | ||
| With deadlifts, you get an over-under grip, you grab the bar, you bend down, and your whole body... | ||
| I mean, it's everything. | ||
| You're using your fucking biceps, you're using your shoulders, you're using your forearms, your back, even your chest gets a workout. | ||
| Your fucking legs get blown out. | ||
| I mean, there's so much involved in a deadlift. | ||
| That your body's like, oh Jesus, this asshole got a job lifting heavy shit. | ||
| We have to change our body. | ||
| And then you have to give your body no choice. | ||
| So you have to feed it as much food as possible. | ||
| You have to literally stuff yourself. | ||
| You get sick eating a lot of food if you want to gain weight. | ||
| And you've got to lift massive amounts of weight. | ||
| And you got to do it like for low reps. | ||
| Like if you really want to get bigger, you got to lift like two and three repetitions. | ||
| So whatever your maximum weight is, you do like 90% of that. | ||
| I did gain like eight or ten pounds during the weight gain challenge when Jeremiah and I did that a couple years ago. | ||
| You let him get fat. | ||
| That's what you did. | ||
| That was hilarious. | ||
| You just let him get fat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was the most ridiculous challenge ever. | ||
| It's like you weren't even trying. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| He doesn't smoke or drink or anything, so his whole thing is he's a fucking glutton with food. | ||
| I've been on the road with him everywhere. | ||
| I take him everywhere, and he eats. | ||
| And he's so happy after he eats. | ||
| He has this crazy endorphin rush where he's silly as hell for an hour afterwards. | ||
| And so he was loving it. | ||
| He dug it the most. | ||
| He wanted to do that. | ||
| He wanted to eat ice cream for breakfast and all that stuff. | ||
| Like, he's a monster. | ||
| How much did he gain? | ||
| I think he gained like... | ||
| More than 30, right? | ||
| Yeah, I think he gained like 28, 30 pounds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| That is so insane. | ||
| And you took off your shirt and you had a six pack, you fuck. | ||
| You didn't even try. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You didn't even try. | ||
| Look at those muscles. | ||
| But you didn't even try to lose weight. | ||
| Or to gain weight, rather. | ||
| You didn't try to get fat at all. | ||
| I swear to God, I did. | ||
| I overate. | ||
| I didn't do milkshakes at night and stuff like that. | ||
| Dude, he was dedicated. | ||
| Look at the difference. | ||
| How did he lose it? | ||
| I think just being normal. | ||
| Like he was overeating so much that I'm pretty sure that just like living any type of normal lifestyle took off that extra weight. | ||
| He was being disgusting. | ||
| Whole pizzas, wash it down with a milkshake, gallon of milk, cereal, cereal, cereal, cereal, candy, candy. | ||
| Like it was unbelievable. | ||
| And he was just the happiest he's ever been too. | ||
| Well, you wanted to gain muscle and he wanted to gain fat. | ||
| That was the idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you didn't get a trainer, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| And how old are you now? | ||
| 36. I did go to the gym like, I don't know, four or five days a week. | ||
| I didn't start supplementing testosterone until after I was 36. I think I was 37 or 38. I started doing testosterone replacement. | ||
| Show me the way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's like as you get older, there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. | ||
| Your body's going to produce less hormones. | ||
| And you can either accept that, which many people do. | ||
| You can be embarrassed about wanting to replenish your hormones, as many people are. | ||
| They're embarrassed about admitting it. | ||
| They're embarrassed about discussing it. | ||
| They want to dismiss the idea they would ever do it. | ||
| And I had a conversation with a friend of mine who, he works out a little bit, but not much. | ||
| And he's a little, he gets embarrassed about these things. | ||
| And he goes, you know, why did you start doing it? | ||
| I go, it's really simple. | ||
| I go, I want my body to work better. | ||
| I want it to perform better. | ||
| So I talked to doctors. | ||
| And I like to talk to jacked doctors. | ||
| That's what I talk to. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| The doctors that I know that work in hormone replacement, they're all in their 60s, and they look like they're in their 40s, and they're jacked. | ||
| They're all really fit, really strong guys, and they explain, this is what you do. | ||
| And it's real simple. | ||
| First of all, you go to a really good doctor. | ||
| You get your blood work monitored. | ||
| You find out what your levels are right now. | ||
| First thing they do is adjust your nutrition. | ||
| They want to make sure that you're eating healthy food because eating a lot of sugar and eating a lot of processed food and eating a lot of heavy carbohydrate like bread and pot and that kind of shit, that can really fuck with your hormones. | ||
| It can really crash your whole system. | ||
| Like your insulin resistance, there's a lot of problems with eating a lot of bad food. | ||
| So if they adjust your food and give you like, you know, you start eating salmon and salads and, you know, taking your essential fatty acids, supplementing with fish oil, eating red meat like grass-fed beef, that kind of stuff. | ||
| Eating rice instead of pasta. | ||
| Just a little simple. | ||
| For most people, some people have an issue. | ||
| For most people, rice is very easily digestible. | ||
| It's one of the most easily digestible of all the carbohydrates. | ||
| It's like a lot of heavy powerlifter guys. | ||
| Robert Oberst. | ||
| Robert Oberst was on the podcast. | ||
| He's a strong man. | ||
| One of the strongest men in the world. | ||
| A legitimate giant. | ||
| He's this big. | ||
| Beef and rice. | ||
| That's mostly what those guys eat. | ||
| And then you'd have to... | ||
| Once you've adjusted your hormones and you have them rechecked. | ||
| And when you have them rechecked, doctors say, look, all these things are going up. | ||
| Now we have a better understanding of what your hormone levels are at when they're optimized. | ||
| So then they say, how much sleep do you get at night? | ||
| And how do you know? | ||
| Do you wear a whoop strap? | ||
| Do you wear some kind of a fitness tracker that measures those aura rings maybe? | ||
| What do you do to measure your sleep? | ||
| Measure your sleep. | ||
| Because when you measure your sleep, it holds you accountable, right? | ||
| So I look at my sleep in the morning, like I look at how much I got and how much I recovered on my Whoop app, and it's like, it's right there. | ||
| There's no bullshitting yourself. | ||
| You can say, oh, I was good. | ||
| But if you look at your app and it says, no, no, you got 44% recovery and you only slept for five hours. | ||
| Like, this is what you really did. | ||
| Because we like to bullshit ourselves and say we're more rested and more... | ||
| So then you would concentrate on... | ||
| Making a concerted effort to get enough sleep. | ||
| Make sure that your body's fully recovered. | ||
| And then you cut out the alcohol, you cut out all these different things, and then look at your blood work again. | ||
| You have to cut out alcohol, too? | ||
| Just for a little bit. | ||
| Just to try to understand where you're at. | ||
| I mean, I don't mean cut it out entirely, either. | ||
| I mean, like right now, you had a half of a drink. | ||
| You know, this is normal. | ||
| One drink, have dinner, have a glass of wine, fine. | ||
| But getting fucked up, red band style. | ||
| That's not what I'm talking about. | ||
| Just like fucking vodka sodas and just slapping. | ||
| Burt Kreischer style. | ||
| I don't know how he does it, but Burt has got a different constitution than all of us. | ||
| If I drank like Burt, I'd be a dead man. | ||
| I wouldn't be able to sustain it. | ||
| He's got one of them fucking weird European bear. | ||
| Viking body. | ||
| Yeah, it's got these weird bodies that just can absorb booze. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| So, after that, then they would start recommending, once they knew where you're at, then they start recommending different ways to optimize you. | ||
| There's something called Samorlin, and that it is a... | ||
| I don't know exactly what kind of chemical it is, but it increases your body's natural ability to produce human growth hormone. | ||
| And then there are certain amino acids you take before you go to bed that also optimize your growth hormone production when you're sleeping. | ||
| It's a multi-step process before you get to bioreplaceable hormones. | ||
| I'm 138 pounds. | ||
| What do you think I should... | ||
| What do you think an optimal weight is for me? | ||
| Well, you don't have a large frame. | ||
| You don't have large hands. | ||
| These are things you can't change, like the width of the shoulders. | ||
| What about these shoulders? | ||
| You see that? | ||
| I'm going to have to bulk those up a little bit. | ||
| See my neck? | ||
| Yeah, I can see it. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| Looks like I'm already on this stuff. | ||
| I think, for you, the most important thing legitimately is getting someone to show you how to work out correctly, and you're gonna be sore as fuck. | ||
| You're gonna be sore as fuck. | ||
| For months. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you gotta accept that most of the time you're gonna be sore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're not gonna be all loosey-goosey. | ||
| When you do a lot of lifting weights, you're like this all the time, like... | ||
| There's days that I come in here and I sit down and I'm like... | ||
| I know what happens if I let it go. | ||
| If I let it go, then things start tweaking. | ||
| They don't work as well. | ||
| It's almost like a car that you have to drive if you want to keep your body strong. | ||
| I'm 53. When I was a kid, 53-year-olds were dead. | ||
| They were dead. | ||
| I thought of 53-year-olds. | ||
| I didn't think they were going to go to fucking kickboxing classes and lift kettlebells and do crazy shit. | ||
| None of that was going on when I was a kid. | ||
| When I was a kid, 53-year-old men were barely alive. | ||
| They were barely alive. | ||
| Are gyms open out here? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, you can work out. | ||
| You definitely can. | ||
| You can go to jiu-jitsu. | ||
| People in LA haven't been able to work out since the original thing. | ||
| It's going to be over a year. | ||
| They're treating everybody like babies. | ||
| This is what it is, man. | ||
| They're treating everybody like you're not allowed to make your own decisions, including business owners that have spent a ton of money opening up these outdoor cafes and outdoor restaurants. | ||
| And then they don't even supply any science. | ||
| They're essentially autocrats, right? | ||
| They're a dictator. | ||
| They come and they tell you what they're going to close and what they're not going to close. | ||
| They don't have to show. | ||
| There's an overwhelming body of evidence that shows that all this is spreading from yoga studios. | ||
| We have to stop yoga. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And even then, it'd be like, okay, inside yoga's bad. | ||
| But what about park yoga? | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| Is it okay to do parking lot yoga? | ||
| There's no data. | ||
| So you have these people that are idiots. | ||
| They're so dumb, they keep getting busted going on vacation when they're telling everybody to stay home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The mayor of Austin told people it's not time to relax while he was in Cabo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know how crazy that is? | ||
| To go to Cabo and be in a condo in Cabo and go, listen, we can't relax. | ||
| Like, don't travel. | ||
| Stay away from people. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Take care. | ||
| Shots off a song. | ||
| They're partying. | ||
| Gavin Newsom eating fucking dinner at a fancy restaurant in Napa with his friends. | ||
| No social distancing. | ||
| No masks. | ||
| Right on top of each other. | ||
| Doors closed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Indoors! | |
| There's a roof. | ||
| There's a door shut. | ||
| There's a glass window. | ||
| I mean, maybe there was like a part of that door where you could open up and you can go outside. | ||
| That's not indoors, bitch. | ||
| Or that's not outdoors. | ||
| Outdoors, there's no roof over your head. | ||
| You don't have a fucking chandelier outdoors. | ||
| Outdoors you see sky! | ||
| That's outdoors, you fuck! | ||
| You can't have a roof and a chandelier and say I'm eating outdoors. | ||
| That's a lie! | ||
| You're lying! | ||
| But look out the window. | ||
| Bro, the fucking mayor of Chicago, same thing. | ||
| Gets busted getting her hair cut. | ||
| These people are gross. | ||
| They're gross. | ||
| They keep getting busted doing the things they're trying to tell people not to do. | ||
| And I don't know why they don't think they're going to get caught. | ||
| They keep getting caught. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| There's got to be a better way to do this that allows people to keep their businesses open. | ||
| Stay healthy. | ||
| Go outside. | ||
| I eat 100% of my meals out. | ||
| I have a weird lifestyle. | ||
| I don't eat at home. | ||
| We made friends with some of these people these past few months. | ||
| I found some new restaurants and things like that. | ||
| Once you make friends with them and you talk to them a bit, they end up sharing with you. | ||
| Like, oh yeah, this, this, but we're really struggling. | ||
| We're on our last leg. | ||
| My father, who owned a restaurant for 30 years, closed it in June. | ||
| It's already some other... | ||
| Corporate, janky, someone tagged me in a picture the other day. | ||
| Your dad in Ohio? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, closed his Italian restaurant. | ||
| How long did he own that restaurant for? | ||
| Almost 30 years. | ||
| It was his entire life. | ||
| He would hang out with people at the bar, at his bar, until, you know, 1, 2, 3 a.m., and he would start making the sauce and stuff at 5 or 6. He would sleep for a couple few hours and then start another day. | ||
| His entire everything was that. | ||
| And I have to check on him, see how he's doing. | ||
| But I can't imagine him doing anything else. | ||
| I always assumed he was going to do that absolutely forever. | ||
| But this is the story for almost all restaurant owners, man. | ||
| They just don't have that. | ||
| They're more like comedians or artists or something. | ||
| They spend the money that they make... | ||
| It's sort of just a different... | ||
| You take care of so many people, you sort of want to be taken care of. | ||
| So they like vacationing, and they like doing this, and they like doing that. | ||
| So many of them, and it costs a lot of money. | ||
| And for a lot of restaurant owners, it almost is like an art form, or almost like a source of entertainment, too. | ||
| Because you're not just providing a delicious meal, You're also giving them a nice environment. | ||
| You're welcoming them. | ||
| Hospitality is a big part of it. | ||
| In so many of these places, we found this one place. | ||
| Driving around one night, we drove by this Italian restaurant. | ||
| We were starving. | ||
| Everything was closed, closed, closed, closed, closed. | ||
| It was like a Wednesday at 9. It was a long shot. | ||
| We drove by this one place and we ended up... | ||
| The kid who worked there was the grandson, the grandfather's the owner, the grandma's inside, answering the phone, unloading wine or whatever. | ||
| Like, you would see her if you used the restroom. | ||
| My point is, like, they were... | ||
| He was honest. | ||
| You know, they're just open people. | ||
| Like, yeah, we bought these heat lamps. | ||
| You know, this is crazy. | ||
| What do we have to do? | ||
| It's like an... | ||
| It was an alleyway. | ||
| And I know for a fact, even though he didn't say it, that they weren't... | ||
| They just weren't having a good year, to say the least. | ||
| And it's just frightening to think that all these places with all these good people in LA aren't going to have a chance at opening up after they spend money on the heat lamps, after they completely reorganize their entire structure. | ||
| Has there been any big cities that decided to try to stay open most of the pandemic? | ||
| I don't think so, right? | ||
| I don't think there's any big cities that are run by Republicans, are there? | ||
| Big cities run by Republicans. | ||
| That just left everything open, basically. | ||
| You mean like mayors? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what about Miami? | ||
| I was just Googling me. | ||
| I was like, Miami might be open still. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, I think Miami, I think Florida as a whole, the governor of Florida has basically said, listen, the cure can't be worse than the disease. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's killing our businesses. | ||
| It's killing our people. | ||
| It's like a lot of people are committing suicide. | ||
| A lot of people are getting addicted to drugs. | ||
| And he took a pragmatic approach. | ||
| And you could disagree or agree. | ||
| And a lot of people disagree. | ||
| And I understand it. | ||
| There is an issue, though, that a lot of people who disagree with him being able to do this and opening things up, they're financially capable of surviving a year or even longer without work. | ||
| And many of them are actually in the middle of work. | ||
| I don't want to cast any aspersions. | ||
| I don't want to cast any blame. | ||
| I don't want to point any fingers. | ||
| That's not what I'm trying to do. | ||
| But what I want to say is that it's really difficult to even imagine. | ||
| And this is coming from someone who doesn't have to imagine, so I know how ridiculous this sounds. | ||
| But it's difficult to imagine the mindset of someone who's losing everything if you're not losing anything. | ||
| If your life is basically the same, and this is the problem with some of the politicians, they didn't get punished financially for their city shutting down. | ||
| They didn't get punished financially for 40% of the businesses going under. | ||
| I mean, sure, it's going to be tough for them to get re-elected, but they can say, listen, we were in a pandemic. | ||
| We saved lives. | ||
| That'll be the propaganda. | ||
| That'll be the pitch, that they saved lives by doing this. | ||
| But they don't... | ||
| They don't act the way a person would act if their entire life's work was on the line, like your dad and his restaurant. | ||
| They don't act like that person where they find a way to keep things open and keep things reasonably safe. | ||
| Where they find a way, look, there's a better solution here. | ||
| What we gotta do is keep people healthier, and that'll lower the numbers of cases, and that'll also lower the severity of cases, and that'll allow us to open places up to a reasonable extent. | ||
| How about we do this? | ||
| How about we do that? | ||
| Is there a better way to protect people than fucking handkerchiefs? | ||
| What's better, handkerchiefs or N95 masks? | ||
| Can we just get everybody an N95 mask? | ||
| It seems like that's a better way to go. | ||
| Those fucking things, like nothing gets through those. | ||
| But handkerchiefs, you can blow. | ||
| You ever see demonstrations people do with a handkerchief and a mask? | ||
| As a mask, rather. | ||
| And they light a lighter and go, and blow the lighter out. | ||
| And then they do the same thing with like a cloth mask, a little more difficult. | ||
| Then they go to an N95 mask and nothing happens. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| It doesn't get out. | ||
| So that thing acts as supposedly some sort of a filter to keep most of the viral load or whatever. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| But when you look at the effectiveness of that mask, let's say that if everybody had to wear an N95 mask, it cut infections down X amount percent. | ||
| Let's do that. | ||
| Let's do that. | ||
| And if you're talking about coronavirus, like, in LA, they were saying 3%. | ||
| I think it was 3.1% was coming from restaurants. | ||
| What if those people were wearing N95 masks? | ||
| Would that drop that 3.1 down to nothing? | ||
| Would it be one? | ||
| Like, is one acceptable? | ||
| Where people can keep their fucking living? | ||
| Like, you gotta look at these people. | ||
| First of all, you gotta look. | ||
| Government's never been able to tell you you can't work. | ||
| This is unprecedented. | ||
| This is completely new shit. | ||
| Government has never been able to tell, like, everyone in an industry. | ||
| I'm in the indoor dining industry. | ||
| Everyone in your industry can't work. | ||
| Government has never had that kind of power. | ||
| Government has never, ever, in the history of the United States of America, had the power to shut all the gyms down. | ||
| So you can't... | ||
| Hey, all you healthy studs and studettes and stud Xs, you... | ||
| You can't go work out. | ||
| It's not up to you. | ||
| The people who own that business, sorry. | ||
| I know you've worked your whole life. | ||
| Maybe you did construction for 15 years and saved up half your pay and put it all away with this dream of one day opening up this amazing gym and making your living off your own business you created yourself in the community that you live in. | ||
| But no. | ||
| No, the government knows better than you, and they get to decide whether or not you can work. | ||
| They get to decide whether or not you take chances, whether or not you feel like you've adequately protected yourself from the virus, whether you test enough. | ||
| They get to the side. | ||
| And a curfew. | ||
| The psychological effect of knowing... | ||
| And by the way, they're not enforcing it. | ||
| The cops aren't pulling you over and going, what are you doing? | ||
| But they don't need to. | ||
| The fact that you know that you're supposed to have a 10... | ||
| 10 p.m.? | ||
| Dude, you know what they should do? | ||
| They should have a loud siren that plays throughout the city at 10 p.m. | ||
| Just to freak you out like War of Worlds style. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| But I'm telling you, when we went from... | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Tornado sirens in Ohio and places where they have that, they could just crank that up. | ||
| Just like that. | ||
| Like a tornado siren. | ||
| When we went from Texas back to California, it was like being on vacation and then going to boarding school. | ||
| Psychologically, it was like that. | ||
| There was no one enforcing the rules. | ||
| Boarding school. | ||
| It's more like juvenile detention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to a shitty boarding school. | ||
| Except juvenile detention, at least they feed you more. | ||
| And you're with a bunch of other fuck-ups. | ||
| You get to have a good time. | ||
| But the thing's crazy, and I'm telling you, this re-lockdown, wait till we see the mental health effect of this, because I'm telling you, being out there, it's much worse than the original lockdown. | ||
| We were all in it together. | ||
| We were curious as to what was happening. | ||
| Now, a lot of the people, at least in Los Angeles, feel like... | ||
| What the fuck am I doing? | ||
| It was funny to watch the evolution of the talks that I was having with my friends about moving to Austin a few months ago to now. | ||
| They were the ones that were like, but what are you going to do? | ||
| Are you just going to hang out with Joe Rogan and Ron White? | ||
| What about all your other friends? | ||
| You've built an entire thing here. | ||
| What about when the store opens up and you're going to have the best spot now? | ||
| To cut to a week ago or two. | ||
| And all those same people are literally like, good for you, man. | ||
| You know, this is great for you. | ||
| This is awesome for you. | ||
| It was total, total difference. | ||
| They were more like, are you gonna get to go? | ||
| It's like Snowpiercer out there. | ||
| These people are all stuck on a train trying to survive, trying to move up, and there's no way to do it. | ||
| And the conductor does not want to let go of the wheel. | ||
| That conductor never wants to let go. | ||
| Those mayors, they love shutting off people's water and power and flexing their muscle and telling people you can't get together to have a party. | ||
| Golf. | ||
| And by the way, my last time that I was here, we talked about golf, and I have a new golf coach... | ||
| Who's in Dubai. | ||
| Who sends me updated video updates. | ||
| Alex Riggs out in Dubai. | ||
| And he... | ||
| Now... | ||
| I mean, if I would have lived there, I wouldn't have even gotten to do that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Starting to work on a distraction from all of this. | ||
| And they're like, no. | ||
| Golf. | ||
| Golf. | ||
| Again, just like stand-up. | ||
| I always thought... | ||
| You know, instead of writing on shows and this and that, I'm like, well, one thing that nobody will ever be able to take away is live shows. | ||
| So double down on stand-up, double down on live podcasting. | ||
| Live audiences will never go away. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Gone. | ||
| But my backup plan, out of nowhere, starting in June, was golf. | ||
| And I'm like, this is golf. | ||
| This is the most socially distanced, and it's fun, and it's relaxing, and it's cool, and gone. | ||
| There's a real danger in telling people to stay home that you know better than them. | ||
| It's observable that the people telling you a large number of them are not doing what they're telling you to do. | ||
| It's very bad for the fabric of society. | ||
| It's going to increase the amount of violent crime. | ||
| It's going to increase the amount of theft. | ||
| It's going to increase lawlessness because they don't believe in the system. | ||
| And there's going to be more and more people that are financially fucked. | ||
| And those are the kind of people that take risks. | ||
| Those are the kind of people that maybe would never do anything criminal or are trying to go on the straight and narrow, but they have to feed their fucking kids. | ||
| And they have to do something. | ||
| And this is where these politicians that keep getting these steady paychecks, but keep making these decisions, they are making horrible mistakes. | ||
| Horrible mistakes. | ||
| Because it's not just about protecting people from the virus. | ||
| It is about protecting people from the virus. | ||
| It is about that. | ||
| But it's also about protecting their fucking livelihoods. | ||
| And that has been given no attention. | ||
| No attention. | ||
| You gotta protect their livelihoods too. | ||
| And if all you're doing to protect their livelihoods is allowing them to work, that's it? | ||
| We're not talking about businesses that are going under, like the savings and loan crisis where they save the banks. | ||
| No, we're talking about places that are going under because they're not allowed to work. | ||
| It's not like the businesses have dried up and disappeared. | ||
| They need a loan to restructure. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're not allowing them to show up. | ||
| They have to sit at home and watch everything they work for, for your dad's case, 30 years. | ||
| Just go away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And their routines. | ||
| Again, the mental health. | ||
| I mean, what is a guy like that? | ||
| An Italian guy that used to cook everything and on top of that, socialize every night. | ||
| Tell your dad to come to Texas. | ||
| He ain't coming to Texas. | ||
| He's old school. | ||
| He doesn't even... | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Truly, truly the best. | ||
| Let's work something out. | ||
| He's so... | ||
| He could have been in New York or LA or Vegas decades ago. | ||
| Come down here and shoot a couple of guns. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get a shot of this stuff. | ||
| You start thinking, I could live here. | ||
| Listen, man, I was thinking I could live here in 99. I still can't believe I live here. | ||
| With that said, I am absolutely shocked at the restaurant scene here. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| And they're open. | ||
| Mind-blowing. | ||
| Mind-blowing. | ||
| There's so many good restaurants. | ||
| We were talking about this a bit earlier, but better Mexican food than L.A. immediately. | ||
| It's a different style. | ||
| It's like Tex-Mex versus Mexican, but that's maybe my favorite food. | ||
| It's right up there. | ||
| Because I love spicy, right? | ||
| Spicy and... | ||
| You know, especially if I'm drunk. | ||
| If I'm drunk, I want to go to a taqueria all day. | ||
| Like if I have a choice of treatment, if I'm drunk, like drunk food, Mexican food is the best food to have after you've been drinking. | ||
| And spicy, you're right. | ||
| And something I was doing yesterday was spicy food with a spicy margarita. | ||
| So you're trying to wash it down and the drink sometimes is spicier than the food. | ||
| I had a great Indian place near me in LA. I wonder if there's good Indian food out here. | ||
| I haven't seen that yet. | ||
| There's gotta be. | ||
| There's good sushi here. | ||
| The barbecue's off the charts. | ||
| Best Japanese meal I've ever had in my life, Ron White took us to. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you tell me. | ||
| Fukumoto. | ||
| Yeah, he's the guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's the king of Texas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you have any questions, you go to Ron White. | ||
| I was with him last night. | ||
| Ron White. | ||
| So we did Tony's show. | ||
| We did Tony's show at Vulcan Gas Company. | ||
| And I hadn't done stand-up since I did stand-up in Houston in July. | ||
| And I was kind of relegated to not doing it until the pandemic was over. | ||
| I even passed on doing Dave's shows in Ohio because it was in the process of moving here. | ||
| And I was like, I just, I know me. | ||
| If I do a set there and have a good time, I'm going to want to go on the road again. | ||
| And right now I can't do that. | ||
| I'm moving here. | ||
| I need to get the studio set up. | ||
| I need to get my house set up. | ||
| I need to get my kids, you know, completely relaxed with this environment, get them happy and healthy and everything. | ||
| And then just, I'm like, let's just accept the fact that there's no standup. | ||
| But then your show. | ||
| So Ron White hadn't done any stand-up since March. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Not a fucking joke. | ||
| And he's like, man, I'm probably retired. | ||
| Saying all this shit. | ||
| And I'm like, you're not retired. | ||
| And he goes, oh, fucking who wants to see me? | ||
| Jesus Christ, Ron White. | ||
| We have these conversations sometimes where he sort of gets down. | ||
| And I'm like, Ron White, you're one of the funniest human beings that's ever lived. | ||
| You're one of my favorite people. | ||
| He just wants to hear us say that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He wants to hear it. | |
| He wants to hear it. | ||
| But he knows he's gonna hear it, too. | ||
| I'm like, you're funny as fuck, man. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You're awesome. | ||
| Just go up there and kill it. | ||
| So this was his attitude before the show, right? | ||
| We have a couple adult beverages. | ||
| Ron White goes up there, and he hasn't missed a goddamn beat. | ||
| Not a single punchline was off. | ||
| Ripped the roof off the door. | ||
| 45 second, minute long. | ||
| I saw someone tag a video on Instagram. | ||
| He's just absorbing this standing ovation. | ||
| Looking up at the balcony. | ||
| Tipping his hat. | ||
| Cheers in his drink. | ||
| Time just keeps rolling. | ||
| Before he brings you up, after he says thank you, I'm Ron White. | ||
| He's the king. | ||
| He's the king. | ||
| And they love him here. | ||
| He's so Texas. | ||
| He's the coolest. | ||
| We're neighbors now. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| We are literally like across the street neighbors. | ||
| My walk to his place is two minutes. | ||
| Well, he's a part of everything we do out here. | ||
| If we're going to do something out here, Ron White's going to be a part of that for sure. | ||
| But so anyway, he goes up, murders, destroys, and he brings me up. | ||
| He brings me up. | ||
| He gives me this big giant hug. | ||
| He's fucking beaming. | ||
| Beaming when he brings me up. | ||
| And then I get off stage. | ||
| And he grabs me by both shoulders. | ||
| He goes, no matter what we do, we gotta keep this going. | ||
| No matter what we do. | ||
| He was so fired up. | ||
| I swear to God, one of my favorite highlights of that night, it's funny because I didn't even know that, but one of the highlights of that night to me was when he brought you up, he came back up the stairs to the green room area because I was in the hallway half anyway, and he gave me one of those big hugs where his hands slap against my back so hard that you could tell he couldn't even control it. | ||
| This wise grown man could not contain his excitement for something that he hadn't done in months. | ||
| Almost a year. | ||
| The longest break of his, I think he said, what, 40 year career? | ||
| 30 or 40 years. | ||
| Longest break he's had. | ||
| Eight months. | ||
| Eight months of no stand-up at all and then murders. | ||
| And then, you know, I think he's a smart guy, right? | ||
| So the pandemic is raging. | ||
| He's got a wonderful girlfriend. | ||
| He's very happy and he's got a lot of money. | ||
| And so he's like, hey man, I'm just gonna fucking hang back. | ||
| I'm just gonna drink my tequila. | ||
| He's got a tequila company. | ||
| Numero one tequila. | ||
| He's got things happening. | ||
| He doesn't need to do anything. | ||
| So he just decides, I'll fucking sell my house in Beverly Hills. | ||
| Come out to Austin. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| I guess I'm retired. | ||
| I guess I'm retired. | ||
| He was talking all that shit. | ||
| I told you that story, right? | ||
| About how I asked him when we first got there. | ||
| I asked him, I go, Hey Ron, so are you going to do a guest spot tomorrow night on my show? | ||
| We'll keep it super top secret. | ||
| We won't promote it. | ||
| The opener will just bring you up. | ||
| You'll bring up Joe if he performs. | ||
| And he goes, nah, I'm retired. | ||
| And then, like a half hour later, we're eating barbecue dinner, and he goes, yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow after your show at about 11.30. | ||
| I'm taking the tour bus to Nashville. | ||
| I go, oh, you're coming to the show? | ||
| He goes, coming. | ||
| I'm performing on it. | ||
| You asked me earlier. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He didn't change it. | ||
| He knew he was going to perform the second I asked him. | ||
| He just wanted to pretend. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| I think people protect themselves, though, from expectation. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| That's the thing that people do. | ||
| They just protect themselves from disappointment. | ||
| And when you're a guy who, you know... | ||
| Ron White had a normal person's life until he was in his 40s. | ||
| And then got on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and became a superstar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And... | ||
| I mean, for a guy like that to just shut it off. | ||
| But like I was saying, he's a smart guy. | ||
| So he can figure out a way to be happy. | ||
| He's not going to cry, woe is me, and be depressed and scream. | ||
| He's just going to find a way to be happy with this life. | ||
| Happy with everything he accomplished. | ||
| Happy with his girlfriend. | ||
| Happy with his life. | ||
| Just have a good time. | ||
| Just hang back and relax. | ||
| And we talked about doing some stuff because he does a lot of things on his phone. | ||
| He talks to his phone. | ||
| I go, you should do that on a weekly basis. | ||
| Just you give your thoughts on things. | ||
| You know, about life. | ||
| About anything. | ||
| Just have a cocktail. | ||
| Sit in front of your iPhone. | ||
| It doesn't have to be formal. | ||
| It could be ten minutes long. | ||
| It could be five minutes long. | ||
| It could be a minute. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Just promise you're going to do it like Ron White's Friday night take. | ||
| Here's what I saw. | ||
| This is what I think about this and that. | ||
| Love you guys. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Do that on a regular basis. | ||
| So we started talking about that. | ||
| He kind of got excited about that. | ||
| I was like, you can do anything you want, man. | ||
| It doesn't have to be just in front of a crowd. | ||
| But eventually, it's going to be in front of a crowd again. | ||
| And you can't forget what you've done. | ||
| Because... | ||
| You know, I've been doing stand-up comedy for a long time. | ||
| I've seen a lot of guys perform. | ||
| You still make me laugh really fucking hard. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| His writing is so tight. | ||
| Got here two days ago, and night one, because again, I live across the street from him, I hit him up and we all hung out and... | ||
| Everything he does. | ||
| You know, you'll forget for a few minutes because you're just hanging out with a friend. | ||
| And then just... | ||
| He just slices you right down the middle. | ||
| You know, I can't remember any of the things. | ||
| But it's also just like his cadence and delivery. | ||
| And he knows what's funny about him. | ||
| And he knows when he gets you. | ||
| You know, like a comedian. | ||
| He'll move on to the next thing while you're still laughing. | ||
| Like, anyway, what are we doing? | ||
| It's like, shit. | ||
| And I said out loud that two nights ago, I go... | ||
| I forgot again how much fun it is to hang out with comedians. | ||
| It's just the store being completely closed. | ||
| That's the hardest part, man. | ||
| The hardest part is not being able to hang out with people who genuinely don't give a fuck and will say the most rude and ridiculous thing to you with a giant smile on their face and then you'll laugh at that and fall to the ground. | ||
| They could have said the worst shit about you and you'll fall down laughing like... | ||
| I mean, the conversations that we've had after shows, like on the road, just laughing and just having a good, like everywhere we went, we were home. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| You know, it's weird to be in this place and that place and fly here and fly there and you and me and Diaz in a hotel somewhere. | ||
| But when we're together and we're all talking, like we're at home. | ||
| Without a doubt. | ||
| Yeah, we're just laughing and having fun. | ||
| And I've met a lot of really good people. | ||
| But it's not just comics that are good people. | ||
| There's a lot of people that I really enjoy talking to that there's nothing funny about them. | ||
| They're never going to be funny. | ||
| They don't have any desire to be funny. | ||
| Um, but to talk to comedians is a different animal. | ||
| It's like there's a different element in the room. | ||
| Like, you're fucking with each other. | ||
| You're playing off each other. | ||
| You're making each other laugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you know you're also comedians. | ||
| Like, we're playing a game. | ||
| It's like we get to, like, throw a ball around. | ||
| Like, hey, let's go eat and throw the ball around. | ||
| Like, we're playing a game. | ||
| We're playing a fun... | ||
| Let's be silly fun game. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's fun because none of my non-comedian friends almost ever, you know, try to make fun of me or shoot down a thought or anything like that. | ||
| It's usually quite the opposite. | ||
| And around you guys, you guys truly don't give a fuck. | ||
| So if I say something, you know... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't wait for you to say something ridiculous. | |
| I know. | ||
| I can't wait for you to say something dumb. | ||
| I'm like, please say something dumb so I can attack! | ||
| And to sound dumb, it's a fun feeling. | ||
| It's a foreign feeling, which creates the element of surprise, which creates laughter. | ||
| I love when I'm dumb. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I love when someone catches me doing something dumb and I can laugh at it myself. | ||
| You know what's funny is people don't even... | ||
| I'm not even a pun guy. | ||
| You think I'm a pun guy because I like doing that dumb shit. | ||
| You're the king of puns. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| You say that all the time and people hit me up and tag me. | ||
| Hey, you're the king of puns. | ||
| Did you ever see this pun book? | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| I don't even do that. | ||
| But I do do that in front of you because it's so funny to me to do a dumb joke And watch you shoot it down. | ||
| I don't mean you're the king of puns on stage. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, I know that. | ||
| But it's a different kind of performing. | ||
| See, you are doing stand-up when you do those puns with me because you know I'm going to laugh. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's the kind of performing you do for a great friend. | ||
| But it is a performing. | ||
| You're doing a show for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if you do that, like, when you, me and you are in a car together, we're driving, dude, one of the funniest bits in your fucking act right now is something you said when you and I were on the road, we were driving to Fresno. | ||
| From Santa Barbara. | ||
| And crying, laughing, like, tears in my eyes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, wiping my sleeves. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like, you gotta say that on stage. | ||
| You were doing stand-up. | ||
| It's a form of stand-up. | ||
| It's just a one-person form. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| What's crazy about that is just the two of us in that car that first time that I riffed that joke. | ||
| All the energy was trapped in that expedition or suburban or whatever it was. | ||
| And to think what that's done to arenas since then. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Isn't it crazy? | ||
| It's crazy where an idea will come to you like a fucking... | ||
| Like a magic trick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like something just appears out of nowhere that you had before or that you didn't have before, but then all of a sudden you have a new way of thinking about a subject, a new angle on something. | ||
| A new twist on things. | ||
| And the interesting thing about stand-up is that you're not 100% sure when you come up with it how to make it as refreshing – how to make it that fresh for the people hearing it for their first time. | ||
| What is the proper setup? | ||
| How do we take them to where we were when we first heard or came up with that thing? | ||
| That's a weird thing with in the moment bits. | ||
| I'm sure you've said things in the moment on stage. | ||
| You're like, oh my god, that's going to be a part of my act. | ||
| And then you try to do it again and you can't recreate it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you try a bunch of different ways after that because you're like, this was this funny, so maybe if it's this or maybe if it's that. | ||
| Then sometimes it's because it comes after a bit that's something, or maybe if you reposition it to the beginning or the end, and all these, there's so many adjustments that are possible, and sometimes you just end up... | ||
| You gotta abandon it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've had abandoned bits that were at one time killing, and then they stopped working. | ||
| Like, they just, either I lost interest in it, or it didn't make as much sense with the rest of my act, or there's a problem if you have, like, two different takes on the same subject, and one of them was, like, the original take, and you were kind of married to it, and then the other one's better. | ||
| And then you have the two of them together, but then the original one starts to suck, because it's connected to the second one, to the more powerful one. | ||
| It's a magical art form. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I love it to this day. | ||
| I went to see Bill Burr Friday night. | ||
| Went down to see him. | ||
| I think he's in Dripping Springs. | ||
| I think that's where the outdoor arena was. | ||
| It's about a half hour from here. | ||
| And I enjoyed the shit out of it. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I had a great time. | ||
| I was watching comedy. | ||
| You just went and watched? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, just sat down and watched. | ||
| Yeah, I watched Dean. | ||
| Dean had a great set. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, cool. | |
| And then I watched Bill. | ||
| I'm like, this was fun. | ||
| I enjoyed it as an audience member. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I enjoyed it as a fan of stand-up comedy. | ||
| I'm like, God, this is great. | ||
| I was watching before the comedy store closed again. | ||
| There was a couple times where I got to really sit down and watch Don Barris through the front window. | ||
| And it's like he's trying to... | ||
| It's this thing that works so well. | ||
| He's the king of late night at the store. | ||
| He could wake the dead there at 2.30am. | ||
| And trying to do it through a window and watching him surgically... | ||
| And by the way, I was dying. | ||
| Whereas a lot of perhaps maybe the normal people that didn't know who he was on the patio were sort of like, what? | ||
| What's this guy doing? | ||
| Why is he talking about that? | ||
| Why does he keep asking us who out there likes to fuck? | ||
| And why do half the people go crazy? | ||
| And why do they seem like they know him anyway? | ||
| It's fun to get to watch that, but it's also so sad to know that, oh my god, this guy would be having the time of his life if they would just let these people on the other side of that wall. | ||
| The difference between doing it in a window and outside... | ||
| With that huge disconnect and one speaker coming from the corner, it's like... | ||
| It's also, you're doing it through an aquarium window. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, people... | ||
| There's stand-up comedy. | ||
| I always say, when you watch it on television, it's like... | ||
| Maybe 60 or 70% as good as it is if you're there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think it's even less than that. | ||
| It's probably 60, I think, in my mind. | ||
| When you're there, there's a magic in the room. | ||
| When you're there, there's a moment before a comic goes on stage when you're in the audience. | ||
| I remember this from the early days when I would go to see people. | ||
| When I was just starting out, I'd go to see Sam Kinison or Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| I paid to see people. | ||
| I sat down in the audience. | ||
| There's a moment. | ||
| When the audience lights dim and the spotlight comes on, you're like, whoa, here we go. | ||
| You can feel it. | ||
| You feel it in the room, man. | ||
| You feel it. | ||
| Forget about just the show itself. | ||
| That is an acknowledgement of the energy of the live performance. | ||
| The moment that the show is about to start, everybody gets jazzed up. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ron White! | ||
| And he goes on stage. | ||
| And everybody can feel it. | ||
| And then when the people next to you are laughing, you're laughing harder. | ||
| He hits a punchline and you could hear laughter everywhere. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| We're all in it together. | ||
| You're in a sea of feeling with hundreds of other people that you don't know. | ||
| And you're all feeding off of each other. | ||
| It's a very, very strange sensation. | ||
| And you don't get it on television. | ||
| On television, you get good writing. | ||
| You get personality and charisma. | ||
| You watch it. | ||
| You laugh. | ||
| I loved Bill's Paper Tiger, the last one. | ||
| Loved it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm also a big fan of stand-up, so I'm excited to see him, looking forward to it. | ||
| But if I was there in the room while he did it, I could see it, I'd look around, the lights and the feeling. | ||
| That's a real experience. | ||
| And you just don't get that unless it's in front of a live crowd. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Everything else is the worst version of it for sure is zoom stand-up. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I would beg and plead, please don't do it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I've seen like real world-class professionals do zoom stand-up and it was atrocious. | ||
| Yeah, no bueno. | ||
| First of all, because they have timing that's developed in front of audiences and there's no audience. | ||
| So nothing looks weirder. | ||
| Than you. | ||
| Talking like this. | ||
| When there's no one else there. | ||
| You know, if you were talking to one person and they were talking like this, you're like, what are you doing? | ||
| Right. | ||
| What's with all these dramatic pauses? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Why do you keep putting the microphone close to your face when you say the last word? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| I'm like, putting... | ||
| You know that thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird way of talking. | ||
| It seems terrible on Zoom. | ||
| It just doesn't work. | ||
| There's no one there. | ||
| Live is better. | ||
| First night here I saw live music. | ||
| Ate a burger while a band was playing in the corner. | ||
| Yeah, they do that here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Haven't seen live music in Los Angeles in this year. | ||
| You know who's doing the best stand-up or the best version of online stand-up? | ||
| Andrew Schultz. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Direct to camera. | ||
| Well written. | ||
| Direct to camera. | ||
| Super well written. | ||
| New punchline every couple seconds. | ||
| Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| And now he's got a Netflix thing coming out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| You seen that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's doing that thing straight to it. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| See how the pace is so much different than his stand-up? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, he figured it out. | ||
| His stand-up is at a more casual and relaxed pace. | ||
| But he recognized that this is not regular stand-up. | ||
| It's kind of stand-up-y, but it's not regular stand-up. | ||
| And he adapted perfectly. | ||
| He's a smart dude. | ||
| Very smart dude. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| He's a really smart dude. | ||
| He figured it out. | ||
| He figured out how to make it through. | ||
| And other folks have not. | ||
| And other folks have made these errors, you know, different ways of... | ||
| No fault of their own. | ||
| Just trying different ways to do it. | ||
| But he's figured it out. | ||
| That's the way to do it. | ||
| And, you know, I think that not only that, but he's... | ||
| He goes hard. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He has no network notes. | ||
| He's doing it his way. | ||
| That's like a modern day Jon Stewart or Jon Oliver, except there's no network notes coming in. | ||
| But it's much harsher. | ||
| He's much harsher. | ||
| And he's also not woke. | ||
| Those guys, especially Jon Oliver, if you're going to do a show on HBO, one of those opinion shows, You've got a serious left-wing bend almost always, right? | ||
| If it's a comedy show. | ||
| But Schultz is straight down the middle. | ||
| He just calls it like he sees it. | ||
| He doesn't have a left-wing bend or a right-wing bend. | ||
| I would say probably more left than right, but he's not ideologically driven by one party. | ||
| He'll mock everybody ruthlessly. | ||
| You came to LA, I think it was January, and we did a super show. | ||
| Me, him, Tim Dillon, and Santino, all four of us, we each did like a half hour or whatever. | ||
| And at the end, all four of us went out with microphones and did like this super crowd work thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I would love, man, I remember they were recording it, but... | ||
| Who's recording it? | ||
| I think it may have been Schultz. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I gotta figure out where that video went. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ask him. | ||
| Because we did some diabolical stuff. | ||
| I don't want to give anything away, but there was a Chinese woman named Shu we found out at one point in the front. | ||
| Me, Dylan, Santino, and Schultz. | ||
| All with microphones at once. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| That was back when people weren't as sensitive about pointing out that someone's Chinese. | ||
| Right. | ||
| In January, it was okay to be Chinese. | ||
| Yep, not anymore. | ||
| There's so many people that would get angry at someone for just being Chinese. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wasn't there a senator that said something really crazy the other day, like, Chinese people have been stealing and lying for the last 5,000 years, like something like crazy over the top. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And I remember reading that going, wow, imagine someone saying this before the pandemic. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| She got torn apart for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, people were very, very, very upset with her. | |
| Like, Chinese people. | ||
| There's a lot of, like, Chinese comments. | ||
| Michigan Senator says racist comments made during oversight hearing makes no sense. | ||
| She said it makes no sense? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was trying to get... | |
| Hey, did Rudy Giuliani, does he have the vid? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He's got it. | ||
| Supposedly, yeah. | ||
| He does not look healthy. | ||
| He's been coughing for a long time, though, that guy. | ||
| They wanted to kill him. | ||
| They should just show him that scene in Borat over and over and over again. | ||
| In what? | ||
| Borat. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's in the hospital. | ||
| They show him that scene in Borat over and over and over again. | ||
| Where they try to scam him. | ||
| He's just tucking his pants in. | ||
| Poor just old guy. | ||
| Bad back. | ||
| Trying to tuck his pants in. | ||
| They come in like he's jerking off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| So weird, dude. | ||
| Borat is a goddamn funny movie, though. | ||
| Did you watch it? | ||
| Not the new one, no. | ||
| He still goes for it. | ||
| He still goes for it. | ||
| That fucking movie is... | ||
| There's some wild scenes in that movie. | ||
| What, the hair? | ||
| The hair dye? | ||
| Do you see the one where the hair dye drips into that black guy with the giant dick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Leaning over the side of the bed? | |
| Have you seen that one yet? | ||
| No? | ||
| Poor Rudy Giuliani. | ||
| That doesn't even make sense. | ||
| Why does he have hair dye and the hair that's on the side of his head? | ||
| He was once such a respected mayor. | ||
| He was. | ||
| It's not ending well, right? | ||
| Post 9-11, that guy was a hero. | ||
| He was. | ||
| A lot of people wanted him to be president. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then there's a lot of people that are in the Republican Party that don't like the way he's handling the case. | ||
| But you know what was really funny to me was that one lady who was testifying. | ||
| I think she was testifying. | ||
| She was Rudy Giuliani's star witness. | ||
| And she looked like she had literally just stepped off the bar, did a bump of coke, and just started talking and testifying. | ||
| She had glasses on. | ||
| She looked like she was a little trashed. | ||
| And look at her. | ||
| That's her. | ||
| You gotta hear her talk. | ||
| She's like, you know, she's talking about the balance. | ||
| What'd you guys do? | ||
| Something crazy with it? | ||
| That's what she said. | ||
| She was talking about, like, the numbers. | ||
| Like, you're gonna see some videos of her testifying. | ||
| You haven't seen this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Well, come on. | ||
| You gotta watch this because it doesn't seem like a real person. | ||
| It seems literally like a Saturday Night Live sketch. | ||
| Like if a Saturday Night Live sketch was, let's take a lady from Staten Island who just got off work and she had a couple of cocktails. | ||
| Let's let her testify. | ||
| Like all these QAnon supporters that work in your office want to tell you, let me tell you something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's fucking gold underneath the White House and they're protecting it from the Iranians. | |
| You gotta listen to this lady talk. | ||
| Listen to her. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Off by 30,000? | |
| I'd say that poll book is off by over 100,000. | ||
| That poll book? | ||
| Why don't you look at the registered voters on there? | ||
| So, my question then is if the... | ||
| Guess how many... | ||
| Wait. | ||
| What about the turnout rate? | ||
| 120%? | ||
| Rudy's banging there. | ||
| You know he's banging there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's let Representative Johnson ask his question. | |
| My question is, we're not seeing the poll book off by 30,000 votes. | ||
| That's not the case. | ||
| What did you guys do? | ||
| Take it and do something crazy to it? | ||
| What did you guys do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is like watching some sort of a... | |
| They did Rudy Giuliani dirty in Borat. | ||
| Because they did make it look like he was jerking off. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He was just tucking his shirt in his pants after he took the microphone out. | ||
| You know, you take your microphone out, it's cords and shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He had to tuck it back in. | ||
| So he's laying back, tucking his pants in, and... | ||
| Borat comes out. | ||
| And they slowed it down, too. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| Did they slow it down? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That girl, though, that played Borat's daughter. | ||
| First of all, there's no way he thought she was 15. That's horseshit. | ||
| That lady does not even look remotely 15. But she's so good. | ||
| Dude, there's a scene. | ||
| I don't want to say any more. | ||
| I don't want to give it away, but there's a scene at a dance where they go to a dance. | ||
| You saw it, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Bro. | ||
| Bro, were you crying? | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Knowing how they probably filmed it, yeah. | ||
| I was crying. | ||
| That part probably happened. | ||
| Oh, it happened. | ||
| I was crying. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There's some funny moments, man. | ||
| Some really funny moments. | ||
| The guy's a genius. | ||
| Oh, when he played Trump? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that was good too. | ||
| That's him? | ||
| Yeah, it's him with a rubber face. | ||
| A whole rubber suit thing on. | ||
| It's good, dude. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| There's some really funny moments. | ||
| He goes to a county fair and dresses up like this character and goes on stage with like... | ||
| He's got overalls on and fucking like a flannel shirt and he sings this horrific song about like injecting Obama with the Wuhan flu. | ||
| It's like, and he's getting people to sing along with it. | ||
| Chop him up like the Saudis do. | ||
| This is him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You want to hear it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, we can't play it, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's on Amazon. | ||
| It's on Amazon Prime. | ||
| I'll watch it. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| It's so ridiculous to watch people sing along with this thing. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| It's just so not fair. | ||
| It's so not fair. | ||
| First of all, they're at the county fair. | ||
| Second of all, they're probably drunk. | ||
| Third of all, they have no idea what this is. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck this is. | ||
| They just think it's silly. | ||
| Some guy's singing. | ||
| Everybody's singing along. | ||
| I'll sing along. | ||
| Chop them up like the Saudis do. | ||
| And the next thing you know, you're the punchline. | ||
| It's a crazy movie, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's great at what he does. | ||
| But they did Rudy Giuliani dirty. | ||
| That was unfair. | ||
| Just the way they depicted it to promote the movie. | ||
| I guess they did it because he works for Trump. | ||
| If anybody works for Trump, man, they're the enemy. | ||
| That's how people look at it. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| He runs again in 2024? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He comes back smoother, less angry. | ||
| He figures out a way to explain things and realizes the things that tripped him up, corrects his game, or... | ||
| Someone else comes along that the rest of the Republicans support. | ||
| Maybe someone who shares some of his economic beliefs but is not so bombastic and someone who doesn't cause as many problems. | ||
| President Dan Crenshaw? | ||
| He could do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a very, very logical guy. | ||
| Very reasonable. | ||
| Who's a ooh? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I'm trying to get this. | ||
| We just gotta fix Crenshaw's marijuana policy. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a goofy policy on marijuana. | ||
| I follow him on Instagram because I love him. | ||
| And he said the funniest thing the other day because he was talking about when the House passed the marijuana bill. | ||
| And he's like, you know, some of these, we have to really look at how marijuana operates. | ||
| He said, you know, someone might take an edible, for example, and an hour later try to drive their car. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| And they're going to learn. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They can't drive. | ||
| The only people that would be scared by that are people that wouldn't have an edible, but exactly what you just said. | ||
| It's like, well, you learn immediately after sitting on the side of the road for three hours after that watching cars go by. | ||
| I can't, I can't, I can't. | ||
| Sounds like a nightmare. | ||
| It does sound like a nightmare. | ||
| He doesn't get high. | ||
| People who don't get high have this really crazy idea of what happens. | ||
| Dude, I've taken edibles to the point where I was basically in another dimension and gone to jiu-jitsu class. | ||
| And did really well. | ||
| Had a good day. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You don't lose your coordination at all. | ||
| I mean at all. | ||
| If you and I sat down, polished off a bottle of whiskey, and then I tried to do jujitsu, I would be sloppy and slow, and I'd probably miss things. | ||
| If I had to operate a drone or something, I'd probably have it crash into a tree. | ||
| Your hand-eye coordination's off. | ||
| Everything's off. | ||
| When you do marijuana, it's not off. | ||
| You just get weirded out and freaked out. | ||
| But your ability to move is no different. | ||
| Some people think it's enhanced because you're more sensitive. | ||
| I know a lot of people who like to smoke pot and lift weights. | ||
| Because they feel it in their muscle tissue. | ||
| They feel what's moving and what they're working on. | ||
| They can really tune in to the specific body part and how to do it right and how they're really hitting it perfectly and what happens when they hit it wrong. | ||
| 100% with golf you have to remember like 25 things at once. | ||
| With your head, with your arms, with your hips, with your shoulders. | ||
| And marijuana is unbelievable with that. | ||
| You might be talking to squirrels in your golf cart in between shots, but like, you know, putting it all together... | ||
| The drive is a very coordinated movement. | ||
| It's really interesting to watch people do it, especially because I don't know how to do it. | ||
| I get to watch it purely without thinking about how I would do it. | ||
| I'm like, I see what he's doing. | ||
| You'd be great at it because you could just pop your hips, that central core. | ||
| You'd be crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to do it. | ||
| You should try it. | ||
| We should go to Topgolf. | ||
| Have you ever seen that place? | ||
| I've done that. | ||
| You have? | ||
| I've sent those motherfuckers flying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Let's see that, man. | ||
| That's the videos that everyone wants to see. | ||
| You driving golf balls? | ||
| I could drive the fuck out of a golf ball. | ||
| Yeah, but I only hit it eight out of ten times. | ||
| Two out of ten times, I scalped that fucking floor. | ||
| Yeah, that happens. | ||
| That's part of it. | ||
| When you're starting out. | ||
| But when you hit it right, that feeling... | ||
| Tank! | ||
| Yeah, it's whoop! | ||
| You watch that thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's one dude, I think we talked about him a few times, that does it where he steps to it and lifts his leg up. | ||
| He's like famous for it. | ||
| I think he's got the world's longest drive. | ||
| He has the world's longest, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Let me double check. | ||
| This motherfucker, he looks like an athlete. | ||
| He looks like he's a football player or something, like strong, big fucking guy. | ||
| And he throws his leg up and steps into it. | ||
| So like he throws, almost like a pitcher does. | ||
| You know, like a pitcher does that before they pitch? | ||
| He kind of does that before he steps in for the drive. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| And just sends him fucking flying. | ||
| He goes to those top golf places and just... | ||
| You see it hit the back net at the very top. | ||
| Like, ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just a ridiculous drive. | ||
| Here he is. | ||
| Look at this move. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Silly. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| Look at that fucking ball. | ||
| Look how straight that goes. | ||
| He's a big fuck. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He's like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| I just need the balls to stay inside the net. | ||
| Yeah, they're not staying inside the net. | ||
| He's a big fuck. | ||
| Look at that dude. | ||
| That dude's stout. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| The Swing Man is his name like online. | ||
| He's kind of a real name, right? | ||
| I'll look it up. | ||
| Why isn't Manny Pacquiao getting cracked? | ||
| What is Tim Dillon doing? | ||
| What are you looking at? | ||
| You're talking about him, so I had some stuff right here. | ||
| Go to the Instagram page. | ||
| Jamie's Tabs. | ||
| Does it say his name? | ||
| Jeremy Nowak. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That motherfucker can knock a golf ball. | ||
| He must suck at putting to not be a professional golfer. | ||
| That's the catch. | ||
| Because there's so many aspects of the sport. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Maybe just not accurate with that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe just to get that kind of distance. | ||
| Putting in itself is such a freaking head case of a game. | ||
| How good is Ron at golf? | ||
| Unbelievably great. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Plays a lot of golf. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's a fucking winner, man. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Do you guys gamble? | ||
| No! | ||
| Me gamble with him? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Don't golfers gamble? | ||
| Yeah, but I'm not near his league yet. | ||
| Golf's sort of like jujitsu in the way that it definitely takes time. | ||
| There's no like, even if you're a natural, it's still a nightmare. | ||
| Also, there's a rating, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's interesting because there's kind of a rating for pool. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| You know, it's like in amateur events, there's a rating. | ||
| Like the amateur events, there's like a B player, an A player, and there's like different ones that have like numbers. | ||
| I think it used to be, there was a league that I used to play in, in House of Billiards. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| I forget what the governing body of the league was, but there was like a number, like you're a 70, this guy's an 80, and so if he's an 80, he has to give you a ball or something like that, or has to give you one or two games on the wire or something like that. | ||
| But once you get to the professional level, there's no like some guys are this handicap, other guys are that handicap. | ||
| Like golf is so specific because you're playing your game. | ||
| You're not playing against someone. | ||
| You are in that they're scoring and you're scoring and trying to do better than them. | ||
| But they don't ever get to do anything to you. | ||
| Whereas with pool, you're playing, like a person can play safe. | ||
| A person can do, they can make a decision and leave you a really shitty shot. | ||
| They can do things that affect the game. | ||
| So you're genuinely playing that person. | ||
| I heard that Queen's Gambit on Netflix is supposed to be badass. | ||
| There's the pool rating thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Fargo ratings. | ||
| Pockability ratings for the world. | ||
| I haven't seen that one. | ||
| That might be a new one. | ||
| 213,000 players. | ||
| 16 million games. | ||
| Not a lot of people play pool, man. | ||
| My golf clubs made it, but my pool sticks still in LA. So sad. | ||
| You don't care. | ||
| We'll get it back out. | ||
| First pot. | ||
| Maybe you'll never go back to LA. Maybe Kill Tony becomes a fucking worldwide success coming out of Austin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, fuck you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Could have someone pack all my stuff. | ||
| And then the zombie virus hits LA. And LA only. | ||
| It gets contained. | ||
| They put a big fence around Orange County. | ||
| It's rough there, man. | ||
| There's a couple shows like that where a giant wall gets put around L.A. I didn't see it, but... | ||
| I didn't see the zombie L.A. show past the first season, but the first season was good. | ||
| The fear of the walking dead? | ||
| The first season was good. | ||
| Really good acting. | ||
| Acting better than the other one, dare I say. | ||
| Do you remember anyone that was in it? | ||
| There's this lady who's the main lady. | ||
| I forget her name. | ||
| She's been in a million things. | ||
| She's really fucking good. | ||
| And then there's some people that are semi-famous. | ||
| But I think they try to keep... | ||
| I think with shows like that... | ||
| There's a real value in having a good actor that people don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because then you relate to the character more than Matthew McConaughey. | ||
| It's not Matthew McConaughey caught the zombie virus. | ||
| No, it's some guy that's really good. | ||
| You know, it's not a very well-known person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not that Matthew McConaughey wants to do a zombie show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I think a lot of these shows, they go out of their way to get people that are good actors but that don't have big names. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I agree. | ||
| So maybe you're like, oh, it's that guy. | ||
| I saw that guy in a movie once. | ||
| But it's not that's Chris Pratt. | ||
| I think about that a lot. | ||
| It's like you used to have guys come out of nowhere really back in the day. | ||
| Who knew who Michael Keaton was when Beetlejuice came out? | ||
| He was a comic. | ||
| He was on a television show before that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Michael Keaton was on a sitcom. | ||
| I'm trying to think of what it was. | ||
| Mr. Something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Hmm. | ||
| Mr. Big? | ||
| Is that a thing? | ||
| Goddammit, I don't remember. | ||
| But it was a sitcom. | ||
| Working. | ||
| Working. | ||
| What was it about? | ||
| Working Stiffs. | ||
| Working Stiffs? | ||
| He also did a little... | ||
| He was around. | ||
| The Tony Randall Show. | ||
| Tony Randall Show. | ||
| Let me just pop up with this. | ||
| He was a stand-up. | ||
| He was on Evening at the Improv. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a big neon at the comedy store. | ||
| All's fair in the Mary Tyler Moore hour, it says. | ||
| Yeah, he was around for a while. | ||
| And, you know, there's a lot of people that are really reluctant to accept him as Batman. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Because he's kind of like this thin guy. | ||
| He's not jacked. | ||
| Might have been the best Batman ever. | ||
| Without a doubt. | ||
| Might have been the best Batman ever. | ||
| No question about it. | ||
| And that's including Christian Bale. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Not only was he the best Batman, he was also the best Bruce Wayne. | ||
| Believable. | ||
| Glasses, tip of his nose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Researching. | ||
| You know, they all had a stupid, fake voice, though. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Oh, Batman, he's had a fucking fake voice. | ||
| Did you see The Founder? | ||
| Whoa, he's being considered for a Batman role. | ||
| There's a TV, I think he was going to be on the TV show. | ||
| Who's he going to be? | ||
| No, Batman, there's like a TV show. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The flag he has is going to pop up in The Flash, I think is what I heard. | ||
| Wow, he is in talks to play Batman. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| This was in the summer, they talked about it, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We see you're using an ad blocker, Jamie. | ||
| me backlash um Who is the worst Batman? | ||
| The least believable? | ||
| Clooney. | ||
| Ben Affleck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Clooney? | ||
| Ben Affleck. | ||
| Affleck? | ||
| Ah, well. | ||
| Both of them. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| I think Affleck has to take it, but I don't even... | ||
| Affleck's doing it still. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're doing a new movie now and Affleck's Batman again. | ||
| He's Ben Affleck. | ||
| He's not Batman. | ||
| He's Ben Affleck. | ||
| I don't not like Ben Affleck. | ||
| I like Ben Affleck. | ||
| But that's not Batman. | ||
| They also have the guy from Twilight as going to be him too, right? | ||
| Oh yes! | ||
| Pattinson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Again, that's the guy from Twilight. | ||
| That's not Batman. | ||
| Affleck is taking Michael Keaton's spot in The Flash. | ||
| A month later, they announce Affleck's going to be him. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| They need a new guy. | ||
| You need a new guy who's jacked. | ||
| Me after I get on testosterone. | ||
| You're going to need a few years. | ||
| I could be Robin now, though. | ||
| You could. | ||
| The original one, it's so funny, because there was the Batman comic books that were very 1950s, that sort of style. | ||
| And then there was the Batman, those illustrated books. | ||
| What do they call those? | ||
| Graphic novels. | ||
| The graphic novels were very different because then the graphic novels, it was very dark and very, like, really cool, really well-drawn and, like, heavy-duty shit. | ||
| Like, it was a different Batman. | ||
| Like, Batman was jacked. | ||
| And, you know, there's like a lot of like serious storylines and a lot of heavy-duty shit. | ||
| Now, that was the Batman that sort of existed. | ||
| That was the Dark Knight. | ||
| That was like the Christian Bale Batman. | ||
| That kind of made sense. | ||
| But the original Batman for TV was ridiculous. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look how he's dressed. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Jeremiah after the weight gain challenge. | ||
| The dude looked like he never worked out. | ||
| He had this ridiculous belt on. | ||
| He had silly shorts on. | ||
| The cape. | ||
| The show was so dumb. | ||
| Look at his muscles. | ||
| They're non-existent. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Even the suit, it's like so campy and corny. | ||
| But it was that way on purpose. | ||
| Like when you punch guys, you'd see like a BAM in front of the screen. | ||
| Do you remember Batman? | ||
| You're too young. | ||
| Did you watch it at all? | ||
| Yeah, I would like play on the Adult Swim or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Batman! | |
| It was so corny. | ||
| It was so campy and corny. | ||
| But that's what it was. | ||
| And then when they went to Michael Keaton, that movie was very different. | ||
| It was brooding. | ||
| And then when you get to Heath Ledger, when Heath Ledger's playing Batman... | ||
| He was the Joker. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Excuse me, the Joker. | ||
| When he was playing the Joker against Batman, rather, you're getting this violent... | ||
| Weird sort of character that is interacting with Batman and taking over the city. | ||
| There's half face. | ||
| Literally half his face is fucking seared off. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| Hans Zimmer stepped it up on that one too. | ||
| The music. | ||
| Mr. Freeze. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| The Freeze Meister. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Who is he supposed to be? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's Mr. Freeze. | ||
| That's the name? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those were terrible. | ||
| That was the Clooney one, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That was like, let's get as many famous people as we can in a movie. | ||
| Let's just throw as much shit against the wall as we can, see what sticks. | ||
| They're right there, actually. | ||
| Jim Carrey. | ||
| Wasn't Michelle Pfeiffer in that, too? | ||
| Uh, yeah. | ||
| She was poisoned. | ||
| No, that was the one before. | ||
| She was in the Michael Keaton one where she was a Bat-cat woman member. | ||
| Is that George Clooney? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He looks good. | ||
| Looks like a good Batman. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| They totally redid the suit. | ||
| They gave him some fake abs. | ||
| Fake titties. | ||
| It's very odd. | ||
| It's very odd, you know? | ||
| DC's always played second fiddle to Marvel. | ||
| I think so, right? | ||
| When I was a kid and I was a comic book collector, I enjoyed some DC comics, but I enjoyed way more Marvel. | ||
| I was a Marvel guy. | ||
| They had Doctor Strange. | ||
| They had Blade. | ||
| I loved Blade. | ||
| That's the vampire slayer that Wesley Snipes played. | ||
| That was a comic book for a long time. | ||
| They had Conan. | ||
| They had Conan the Barbarian in the comic book. | ||
| They had the Avengers. | ||
| They had the X-Men. | ||
| They had the Fantastic Four. | ||
| They had everything. | ||
| They had all the cool ones. | ||
| They had Spider-Man. | ||
| They had the Hulk. | ||
| They had Iron Man. | ||
| For whatever reason. | ||
| DC had some cool ones. | ||
| But Superman? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here, bro. | |
| Right. | ||
| He was the king for the longest time, right? | ||
| He was the king until the Marvel ones started coming out. | ||
| And then they're like, yeah, that is kind of corny. | ||
| This guy's from another planet, comes down here, and all he wants to do is help people. | ||
| Batman's not even super. | ||
| No, he's just rich. | ||
| He's just rich, so he's even cornier. | ||
| Fucks up with fucking poor people. | ||
| Right, he finds poor people that are just trying to get by, sell a little drugs, Batman comes in and kicks your balls off. | ||
| No, he was, you know, the Joker's obviously an evil villain. | ||
| That's a good foil for Batman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The best Joker, though, is Joaquin Phoenix. | ||
| He's the best joker. | ||
| They just made that guy up almost. | ||
| He lost like 50 pounds to play that role. | ||
| He existed on this really fucking strict diet to get his body into this really creepy shape. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker, that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That movie, whether you like it or not, and here's what I don't like about that movie. | ||
| That movie inspired a lot of fucking losers to start smashing windows when the looting started. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They're like, it's real! | ||
| It's real! | ||
| Guys who've been wearing the same underwear for a month just ran outside with cans of gasoline and fucking rocks to throw through Payless. | ||
| These assholes, they're just so happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Yeah! | ||
| Fuck you and everything you've worked for! | ||
| We're gonna take America back! | ||
| This portrayal and the celebration of attacking the wealthy and killing the elite and killing the government and when he shot that dude in the head right on that television show. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| That movie was a catalyst, I think, in a lot of ways for violence. | ||
| And I'm not blaming them for violence, and I loved the movie. | ||
| I thought it was really good. | ||
| I left that movie going, that dude is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| And they have Todd Phillips, the guy who made the Hangover movies, directs this? | ||
| Like, what a beast! | ||
| But then I remember thinking, man, if they think video games cause violence, that fucking movie... | ||
| And my wife said the same thing. | ||
| She goes, you know, we're not that far away from that. | ||
| I go, I know, we're not that far away from that. | ||
| This is pre-pandemic. | ||
| Then once the pandemic came and then the looting started and then all the craziness, I remember having a conversation with my family where we were like, let's get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And everybody was like, you're just talking. | ||
| And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Like, I see where this is going. | ||
| I see where this... | ||
| And then the lockdowns and all the businesses shutting down, all the restaurants shutting down. | ||
| I'm like, I see where this is going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| That looting really took a lot out of it for me. | ||
| Well, you live in a prime looting area. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Like, where you live, there was a shitload of looting across the street from your apartment. | ||
| You used to tell me how you loved your neighborhood. | ||
| Like, I could walk here and go have lunch. | ||
| I would go there. | ||
| I knew people. | ||
| It was really cool. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| It's a hub. | ||
| There's a lot of activity. | ||
| And then the looting just took it all away from you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the thing that made it great is it was all small businesses. | ||
| Real inspirational energies. | ||
| And gone. | ||
| Completely, completely wiped away. | ||
| Even the most successful restaurant in my neighborhood, the one that was always packed, is now covered with boards. | ||
| Covered with boards. | ||
| Closed and boarded up for their own protection. | ||
| And I'm telling you, the psychological... | ||
| The vibe of that for the entire neighborhood is crazy. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| How many people were depressed already before the pandemic? | ||
| How many people were suffering from depression? | ||
| It's a common ailment. | ||
| It's a real problem with people. | ||
| Especially now. | ||
| It's only going that direction. | ||
| I had a weird conversation with someone about that. | ||
| They're like, do you think that depression is something that people can fix on their own without medication? | ||
| And I said, I think there's a lot of cases where people could probably fix their depression. | ||
| But depression is one of those weird things where we don't look specifically at the disease itself or what it is itself, whatever you want to call it, the condition itself. | ||
| We look at how'd you get there. | ||
| How about you pull yourself up? | ||
| How about you figure this out? | ||
| Because it's a feeling, a malady of the mind, and because it's an illness of the mind, we hold the person who has that illness responsible for it somewhat. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| Because everything else, even people that have liver cancer, like, oh, did you drink your fucking 20s and 30s away, asshole? | ||
| Now you've got liver cancer? | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| That's what happens. | ||
| When we see people with liver cancer, we give them chemotherapy, we treat them, we feel bad for them. | ||
| Do you hear Mike's mom has liver cancer? | ||
| Like, oh no. | ||
| You feel bad that she did something horrible and ruined her life, but you don't want to bring it up a lot. | ||
| You want to go, well, shouldn't have been boozing. | ||
| You know, hey, maybe get your life together. | ||
| And then get on some medication. | ||
| It's a weird illness where it's like... | ||
| We all know that attitude is malleable. | ||
| You can have a good attitude or a bad attitude. | ||
| You can make some changes in your life sometimes, and they affect everything you do in the future. | ||
| Just changes where you decide to be happier and healthier by whatever means you think is the most effective. | ||
| And then you see you get better. | ||
| You see you're happier than you used to be, but you used to be depressed. | ||
| And then people, why don't you do what Mike did? | ||
| Mike did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He didn't like what he was doing, so he lost weight, started drinking water, started walking around the block and jogging, started entering marathons. | ||
| Now he's super happy. | ||
| Now he's successful. | ||
| Do what Mike did. | ||
| It's not that easy. | ||
| right it's not that easy it's not it is and it isn't you can do it it's not like there's a wall like you can't get over the wall it's impossible but you have to figure out how to get the motivation or start the steps or put it in motion get something moving and there's a lot of us out there that didn't get taught how to do that right I got very fortunate. | ||
| I figured out how to move even when I don't want to very early on. | ||
| Get things done even when I don't want to very early on. | ||
| But a lot of people never get taught that. | ||
| They never get taught that. | ||
| And then they get depressed. | ||
| And so you can say, well, why don't you just do this? | ||
| Or why don't you just do that? | ||
| But it's almost... | ||
| It's almost never going to happen when you do that. | ||
| A person needs to, there has to be, it's almost like they're trapped in a tunnel, or a cave rather, and they're trying to figure out a way out, and they find this little pop fucking hole of sunlight coming through. | ||
| Like, look, up there, up there! | ||
| And you climb up to the top, like, you fucking shift your way out, and you get above the top, and then you can get through. | ||
| But if you don't find a ray of light, You just keep living. | ||
| You just keep doing what you're doing and being more and more depressed and you never get out of it. | ||
| And you look for more and more distractions and so now you're farther away from the cure. | ||
| And it gets harder to get out of bed. | ||
| Like literally get out of bed. | ||
| It gets harder to even, not only that, but... | ||
| Pull the blinds up to even let sunlight in to even begin getting out of the bed. | ||
| And time just flows and flies. | ||
| That's why shows like My 600-lb Life are important. | ||
| Because that guy wasn't 600 pounds when he was born. | ||
| So what happened? | ||
| How did it get there? | ||
| Obviously, he's not healthy. | ||
| How did he get there? | ||
| Obviously, he ate way too much food and he didn't move. | ||
| He's still stuck in this trailer somewhere. | ||
| How did this happen? | ||
| Because that is what can happen to people. | ||
| It might not be what can happen to you, but whoever you are... | ||
| It's a bunch of shit, man. | ||
| It's not just you. | ||
| You're not like a mug. | ||
| See that mug? | ||
| That mug is a mug. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| There's different shit that's in it, but what it is, it is. | ||
| You're not a Tony. | ||
| You know, you're Tony in relationship to your life, to the people that you love, to what you're doing for a living, what your commute is like, how much money you're making, what kind of stress are you under, what kind of friends do you have, what good experiences have you had, what bad experiences have you had, what trauma have you had, what injuries have you suffered? | ||
| That's what you are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To think you're this one thing, I kind of know you. | ||
| I know you very well. | ||
| You're a great friend. | ||
| But I kind of know which version of you I'm going to see every day. | ||
| There's a range that you have that Jamie has and I have that we all have. | ||
| There's a range of who you are. | ||
| And it's based on all sorts of different fluctuating factors, man. | ||
| But the depression thing is a weird one because we blame the people for it. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| It's also interesting because maybe they acknowledge it and maybe they are getting help and it can also be worse than... | ||
| Doctors can analyze, unlike something that you can test and see. | ||
| Like, oh, the tumor has gotten bigger. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You've got a broken arm. | ||
| We need to fix you up like Tom Segura. | ||
| It could also, since it's a mental illness, it can disguise itself. | ||
| Just like how physically sometimes someone will feel better when they end up at a doctor's office for something. | ||
| And they're like, well, you know what? | ||
| It doesn't really hurt as much as it did yesterday or whatever. | ||
| It's the same thing with... | ||
| Hey dude, should we call Tom Segura on the podcast? | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Should we see if he'll come on the podcast? | ||
| For whatever reason, I just got a crazy idea. | ||
| We're talking about injuries and being depressed. | ||
| I don't know if he's depressed, but I know he's got to be kind of bummed out. | ||
| I wonder which army answers the phone with. | ||
| His right arm. | ||
| It's the one that's not broken. | ||
| Oh, he broke his left arm? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're happy now, right? | ||
| Wipe your ass, jerk off easy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't have to relearn how to write. | ||
| Relearning how to write is rough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's been forwarded to... | |
| God. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Call back. | |
| Maybe. | ||
| I'll leave it right there in case he calls back. | ||
| Poor Tommy Bunz. | ||
| I called him the day of the injury because I saw his post on Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Looks like surgery was a slam dunk. | |
| These are just the issues one has when you're really, really, really strong. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| His knee's fucked. | ||
| Yikes. | ||
| His entire left side. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Knee and arm. | ||
| Takes a long time to recover from that shit. | ||
| But Whitney Cummings, anything for attention. | ||
| Look at Bert Grazer. | ||
| Looks like the surgery was a slam dunk, all caps. | ||
| It's so rude. | ||
| How do you put up Bert 2, Tom 0 in their challenges? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Well, he wins. | ||
| Bert wins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tom's got to bow down now. | ||
| He's got to bow down. | ||
| The tennis thing apparently was ridiculous. | ||
| I didn't see it, but Bert, according to Tom, Tom took all these classes to learn how to play tennis and everything, and he talked to his coach right before they played, and the coach said, the only thing that would fuck you over is if he has, like, a world-class serve. | ||
| And it's like, he probably doesn't have a world-class serve. | ||
| He's got a world-class serve. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Apparently, Bert Kreischer hits the fucking ball like a Division I player in college. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's hung over his shit. | ||
| And he's hung over. | ||
| And he's fat. | ||
| And he didn't have a shirt on, probably. | ||
| And apparently his serve is preposterous. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, like, world-class serve. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| Because he practiced so hard for that. | ||
| Tom did. | ||
| Tom did. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And Burt just owned him. | ||
| Yeah, I guess Burt's good at golf, too, from what I understand. | ||
| We're supposed to do this big golf tournament coming up. | ||
| His coach specifically said, unless he's one of those John Daly types, he's not really athletic, but he's just fucking really good at things. | ||
| He goes, oh, he's exactly one of those John Daly types. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Unbelievable. | |
| He calls it the Mickey Mantle gene. | ||
| Silly Bert. | ||
| You can kind of see him serving there. | ||
| I can't believe that Tom broke both his arm and his leg, though. | ||
| That is so fucked. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh, he really is. | ||
| Oh, he can play. | ||
| You can see by his technique. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Look at him there. | ||
| His technique's excellent. | ||
| And you know, he runs, so his legs are probably in pretty decent shape. | ||
| Even though he's kind of heavy, he can carry his body around. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Kreischer versus Segura. | ||
| Apparently he just destroyed him. | ||
| Winner takes all. | ||
| Yeah, not good. | ||
| Not good for Tom. | ||
| And Tom has been boxing a lot. | ||
| And briefly, the idea was to banter it around. | ||
| I go, nah, you shouldn't fight him. | ||
| I go, you guys shouldn't have a fight. | ||
| I go, that would be too weird. | ||
| Like, what if one of you got knocked the fuck out? | ||
| Like, you don't want that. | ||
| Like, one of you gives the other one brain damage. | ||
| For the rest of the person's life, they have an earache. | ||
| They have a headache. | ||
| No matter what, bright lights hurt. | ||
| Who do you think would do that to the other? | ||
| Who do you think would win? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| I don't want to say. | ||
| Yeah, you have to say. | ||
| We already know the answer. | ||
| One's a world-class athlete and the other can't move half his body right now. | ||
| World-class athlete is hilarious. | ||
| Apparently Tom broke his knee by dunking though. | ||
| Apparently Tom can dunk. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You don't believe it? | ||
| It's a nine foot hoop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How big was the trampoline? | ||
| I don't know if he had a trampoline either. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He didn't say that. | |
| He just said it was a nine foot hoop. | ||
| This fucking guy. | ||
| He's out there like the Phoenix Suns gorilla mascot. | ||
| Well, you know, he's another guy that is capable of a lot more than people would think. | ||
| He, when we were doing that fitness challenge, he had a day where he came back after being sick for like three days. | ||
| He had the flu. | ||
| So he was feeling like shit for like three days. | ||
| And then he ran 13 and a half miles. | ||
| Because he was trying to catch up. | ||
| 13 and a half miles. | ||
| Like, he's a strong fuck too. | ||
| Here's him doing deadlifts, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it training Tom Segura to beat Joe Rogan in Sober October? | ||
| That's cute. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Clickbait. | ||
| There was a talk about doing some sort of weight lifting competition, but I was telling them, I go, okay, but you gotta understand that we are old fucks. | ||
| And the idea of lifting the most weight, this is not working out. | ||
| Okay, this is a competition. | ||
| If you're just gonna say who can lift the most weight, there's a considerable likelihood that someone's gonna get hurt. | ||
| So I think the idea wasn't that we would try to lift the same amount together. | ||
| I think the idea was like we would find out where we're at, like what's your max, and then you would add to it. | ||
| The problem with that is they're gonna sandbag. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're gonna pretend. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And yours is... | ||
| They tried it out when we were drunk on Sober October. | ||
| Yeah, they all got under the bench. | ||
| There was 225 pounds on the bench. | ||
| None of those pipsqueaks could lift 225 pounds. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Neither one of them? | ||
| None of them. | ||
| Not the three of them. | ||
| They all got pinned there. | ||
| Like, just victims. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dying. | ||
| Being crushed by the weight of 225 pounds. | ||
| But benching is a very specific thing. | ||
| If you don't do that, and I don't even do that. | ||
| I do just do push-ups. | ||
| I don't bench. | ||
| When I bench, I've found I hurt my shoulders easier when I do a lot of bench pressing. | ||
| I like to do dips. | ||
| I like to do push-ups. | ||
| And I do weighted push-ups. | ||
| I'll do elevated push-ups. | ||
| But I do a lot of push-ups. | ||
| It seems like there's something about that motion, like weighted, with a lot of weight, a lot of guys wind up fucking up their shoulders. | ||
| I don't know what that is, you know, what the cause of it is. | ||
| Some press, pressure on the tendons, just something about it, but it's a really common injury. | ||
| And I know a lot of people that avoid it. | ||
| They avoid bench pressing because of that. | ||
| But not 225 pounds, you weak bitches. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I can put that up. | ||
| That's just, just throw it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I couldn't do it, but at my weight class, that would be sort of an anomaly. | ||
| Well, with Tom and Bert and those guys, it's basically their body weight. | ||
| It's a little bit less rather than their body weight. | ||
| But if they wanted to do that... | ||
| They would probably be really strong really quick. | ||
| They're big dudes. | ||
| They'd probably be stronger than me pretty quickly. | ||
| They're both a lot bigger than me. | ||
| They're big dudes. | ||
| But to do it in a competition, this was just what I was getting to. | ||
| You're going to get hurt. | ||
| If you just decide at 46 years old you're going to lift the most amount you can, you're going to blow something out. | ||
| You're doing deadlifts. | ||
| What's he got here? | ||
| Three plates plus 50. So, 315, 365? | ||
| That's a lot of weight. | ||
| He's strong as fuck like this. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| That's a lot of weight, man. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him go. | ||
| From bread lifts to dead lifts. | ||
| But my point is, if we decided to do that as a competition, if everyone was honest about how much they can actually weigh a lift, and we tried to do that as a competition, there's a huge likelihood someone's going to blow a knee out. | ||
| A huge likelihood. | ||
| Someone's going to tear their shoulder. | ||
| Depends on what the lifts are. | ||
| You know, like clean and press. | ||
| You want to do Olympic shit? | ||
| Clean and press. | ||
| There's such a good chance that us old fucks are going to blow our shoulders out or blow our backs out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Sober October challenge that we did was a good one because it was just cardio. | ||
| It was just willpower. | ||
| It was just who's willing to do 80% of your max heart rate the longest. | ||
| You guys didn't do that this year? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I was the only one who did the Sober October thing this year. | ||
| And everyone mocked me. | ||
| I did a podcast with Ari recently. | ||
| He's like, you fucking loser. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like, ah, you fucking idiot. | ||
| Why'd you do that? | ||
| The whole month you were sober. | ||
| Oh, good job. | ||
| Sounds rough. | ||
| I've been deep into drinking the past month. | ||
| It's been so much fun. | ||
| Just like better drinks. | ||
| I've gotten into cold sake. | ||
| Nigiri? | ||
| Drinking's fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever have cold sake? | ||
| Yeah, I've had hockey a bunch of different ways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know who got the most fit during Sober October was Ari. | ||
| That was the most impressive. | ||
| Ari became obsessed. | ||
| He was really legitimately trying to win. | ||
| And he got a six-pack. | ||
| He lost a ton of weight. | ||
| He became shredded. | ||
| Towards the end of Sober October, one month. | ||
| One month of hard training. | ||
| Ari was shredded. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Like, if he just decided to work out all the time, he'd be shredded. | ||
| Did he stop doing yoga online? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He started that when it started up. | ||
| That's not enough, though. | ||
| He needs, like, real workouts. | ||
| Like, the kind of stuff he was doing online, that's good. | ||
| But you need some weightlifting. | ||
| Like, as you get older. | ||
| One of the good things about when you get older, you lose bone mass. | ||
| Look at him go there. | ||
| This is when we were at the studio. | ||
| We did a podcast and after the podcast he went and used the studio gym and he was trained at fucking 90% of his max heart rate on the rowing machine. | ||
| He was just savage. | ||
| He was really trying to win. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| How long is he out there? | ||
| 18 minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That says 18 hours. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He was doing it for a long time. | ||
| I remember like he did it most of the podcast. | ||
| Look at his six-pack. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at his six-pack. | ||
| Dude, he's got a legitimate six-pack. | ||
| He was so driven. | ||
| You know what he figured out that helped all of us? | ||
| Movies. | ||
| You watch movies where you're doing cardio. | ||
| You don't even notice you're doing cardio. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Big difference. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Huge difference. | ||
| If you watch a fun movie, I watched so many movies during that Sober October challenge, because I just put my elliptical in front of the TV, and I had the Apple TV, and I just started watching movies. | ||
| I watched, like, I don't know how many movies. | ||
| I watched a shitload of movies. | ||
| I watched a lot of fights, and I watched John Wick a hundred times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I don't know how many times I've watched a scene where he kills everybody in the bathhouse, the Russian nightclub. | ||
| Is that the most recent one? | ||
| No, it's John Wick 1, the original, the OG. He goes to the Red Circle Bar, and there's this Russian bathhouse in the basement, and he gets in there and fucking, spoiler alert, kills everybody. | ||
| It's a wild fucking scene, man. | ||
| And it's so hyper-violent, so hyper-crazy that it just gets my adrenaline going. | ||
| This is a scene in the bathroom. | ||
| The movie is a masterpiece of violence. | ||
| It's a masterpiece of violence. | ||
| Because it's just crazy enough in every way that you start rooting for this... | ||
| Complete psycho to kill everybody to get to this guy who killed his dog and stole his car. | ||
| He's literally killing a hundred people in this movie just to get the one guy who stole his car and killed his dog. | ||
| This is what the movie's about. | ||
| It's an American masterpiece. | ||
| It's a masterpiece, this fucking movie. | ||
| I didn't get to see two, but I saw three on an airplane. | ||
| Watch this scene right here. | ||
| Looks over at the guy he's supposed to kill, that guy, shoots the guard, points the gun at him, doesn't shoot him, and kills the other guy in front of him. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| Just made the dude put his gun down by pointing a gun at him. | ||
| This movie was fucking wild, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| There's so much violence in this movie. | ||
| This movie's the craziest, most violent masterpiece ever. | ||
| And for workouts, these scenes are so insane. | ||
| There's so much action and violence packed in these scenes. | ||
| When you're doing cardio, you're like... | ||
| You're just complete... | ||
| You're completely lost in the pace of the movie. | ||
| You're at 179 beats a second, and you just keep going. | ||
| You don't even notice it. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Literally, the movie is fuel. | ||
| He just goes to this nightclub, killing everybody, man. | ||
| Spoiler alert, this is a wild, fucking murderous movie. | ||
| There's my boy Tate Fletcher. | ||
| Shout out to Tate. | ||
| Tate Fletcher gets killed in so many movies I love. | ||
| Look, he's running out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's here! | |
| He's here! | ||
| And then they go looking for John Wick and he's running out in the hall just fucking shooting everybody. | ||
| Look at this, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I mean, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| When has there ever been a movie like this? | ||
| This is the craziest... | ||
| It took every movie and every violent, crazy, psychopathic movie and just jacked that motherfucker up to ten. | ||
| It's a masterpiece, man. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| It's like that one scene from The Matrix where they go into the thing, but the whole movie. | ||
| Three times. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's an amazing movie. | ||
| It's the best, most violent movie ever. | ||
| The other ones are really good, too. | ||
| I mean, I enjoyed two and I enjoyed three, but it's number one for me. | ||
| Guns are pretty. | ||
| I mean, when it comes to violence, though, I would take the... | ||
| Crazy 88 scene from Kill Bill over a gun shooting thing. | ||
| The slicing and actual blood that happens from a Hattori Hanzo sword. | ||
| Night and day difference. | ||
| I love the movements. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But I still would have to put Kill Bill ahead of most of these things. | ||
| It's my favorite fight scene. | ||
| That's not a bad fight scene. | ||
| You got a good point. | ||
| That's a wild fight scene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe I should switch it up. | ||
| Start watching this scene. | ||
| The noises in this, the sound, the music. | ||
| I think there's like three, four, five different songs that happen during this insane stuff. | ||
| And you know, I read that they had to make it black and white, this part, so that it could stay rated R and not NC-17 because there's so much blood during this part. | ||
| They should release a director's cut where it's red and white. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| His original print is called Kill Bill, A Whole Bloody Affair, and I think it's only been shown literally like 15 times. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ! | ||
| She just chopped that dude's head off and he sprang all over the place. | ||
| It's just so cartoonish, man. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Yeah, old school kung fu style. | ||
| You have to suspend both. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| I forgot how good this is, dude. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe, good call. | ||
| This lasts forever. | ||
| Good call. | ||
| Remember, when you watch this, sound up. | ||
| Because it's incredible strategically what happens here. | ||
| Anyway, they had to turn the lights off, and you remember coming up, she flips a switch and the... | ||
| Hold up. | ||
| Pause, please. | ||
| Back that up a little bit. | ||
| Let's cover this real quick. | ||
| How the fuck... | ||
| Does she jump all the way up there like it's nothing? | ||
| But then when she gets to the top, she can barely make it over the edge. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Leaps to the top like it's nothing. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And then massive struggle. | ||
| Well, that makes sense, though. | ||
| No! | ||
| Her arms are tired. | ||
| She jumped off of a sword. | ||
| I mean, it gave her a big boost. | ||
| The way she leaped up there, and the way she grabbed her arms and threw herself, like she's just gonna go over it with ease. | ||
| And then all of a sudden she's actual Uma Thurman, making it over the wall. | ||
| The magic sword did it. | ||
| Fuck outta here, bro. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look, right here. | ||
| Look at the struggle. | ||
| Watch the sword. | ||
| Her arms are tired. | ||
| I know she jumped, but watch this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Makes it more realistic. | ||
| Shows that she's still a human. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, man. | |
| She's in the middle of fucking sword fights. | ||
| She'd be jazzed up, but then she can move amazingly, right? | ||
| I forgot how wild this... | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He jumps to the top. | ||
| He just floated up there. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Have him fly. | ||
| You make the rules if you're making the movie, right? | ||
| You make a movie, you can have all sorts of ridiculous things happen. | ||
| You can have people with a time machine that bring people back from the dead that you thought were dead. | ||
| I saw yesterday, Christopher Nolan was a little upset that all these people that have movies that they've made, I guess they're already done, but they went in making them with the intentions of them being in the theater, and now he's mad that Warner Brothers or HBO Max is going to put them all out online. | ||
| He's mad they're going to do that? | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| I mean, I guess he's sticking up for the other directors who maybe don't have a voice, but I don't know. | ||
| What's your feelings on that? | ||
| Let's get to see them. | ||
| Yeah, you get to see them. | ||
| Better than being shelved. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I get it. | ||
| If you're watching it on TV and you're at home and the sound's not good, it's not the full experience that the person created when they made the movie, but you kind of know that. | ||
| But I really like seeing movies in the theater with the sound. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| At least action movies, I should say. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's almost pointless to see it at home. | ||
| And comedies, in a lot of ways, it's like there's a lot more when you see it with other people laughing. | ||
| It's just like an audience at a comedy club. | ||
| Like, I went to see something about Mary. | ||
| I'll never forget this. | ||
| Because, you know Steve Sharippa from The Sopranos? | ||
| Steve Sharippa from The Sopranos described it best. | ||
| He goes, it was like a comic killing movie. | ||
| It was. | ||
| When she had the jizz in her hair, the laugh from the audience was so intense, it was like a comic killing. | ||
| It was different than any other movie that was funny. | ||
| It hit another level. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| I remember my sister standing up from sitting next to me during Home Alone. | ||
| We couldn't even imagine anything like that. | ||
| That many gags one after the other. | ||
| When he really set up the house and Joe Pesci and what's his name? | ||
| I mean, it was just crazy. | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| one after the other. | ||
| When you realize that it's just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. | ||
| But you laughed a lot more... | ||
| because there was a large audience. | ||
| There was something about the large audience, like having a bunch of people laughing in a theater together. | ||
| How long is it going to be before we can do that again? | ||
| When are they going to say it's okay to go in a crowded movie theater and scream? | ||
| They've closed a bunch of them. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those are giant facilities. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| And companies that do movie theaters went under. | ||
| Can you imagine you have hundreds of employees and then all of a sudden you can't work for a year? | ||
| You just go, what do we do? | ||
| We can't do anything. | ||
| What do you mean we can't do anything? | ||
| Let's do something. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| How about we have 10 people in a movie theater? | ||
| Nope, they won't let you. | ||
| They won't let you have 10 people. | ||
| Can I have 10 people 20 feet apart? | ||
| No. | ||
| Can't have that. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I did. | ||
| Here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A couple months ago, yeah. | ||
| But here's different, man. | ||
| I'm telling you, here represents a more accurate version of the actual virus. | ||
| It's not like everybody's completely dismissive. | ||
| Everywhere you go, people are wearing masks. | ||
| People are taking precautions. | ||
| You go to restaurants, they check your temperature. | ||
| They take your information down in case you do get sick. | ||
| They have contact tracing. | ||
| You get asked, have you had contact with someone within the last, I think they say the last 14 hours or something like that. | ||
| Or four days. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| There's a four in there. | ||
| But they basically do their best to keep the business open and at the same time be safe. | ||
| They don't want to die. | ||
| They don't want to get sick. | ||
| But they're also realizing for most people it's not that. | ||
| It's not this horrible pandemic that they thought it was going to be. | ||
| It still sucks. | ||
| It's still not good. | ||
| But it's not what they thought it was going to be. | ||
| But they're still behaving like it was going to be what they thought it was going to be. | ||
| Where like 10% of the population is dead. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I remember being fucking terrified in the beginning and just really nervous. | ||
| But also, ironically now, thinking people are going to come together with this. | ||
| It's going to make people come together. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I think it would have if it wasn't for the closed downs. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think there's something about... | ||
| There's a feeling of helplessness that comes from being told you can't work, told you can't go anywhere, you can't go golfing. | ||
| You can't go golfing. | ||
| You can't do something you do outside in the sun. | ||
| Where it's been proven that the coronavirus dies in the sun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no night golfing, right? | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, then what the fuck? | ||
| And they even, they made changes to things, like there's this thing now on the stick that's in the hole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To where there's a little thing there, a little ledge, and you can, with your putter, lift it up, and there's a bottom of the cup that lifts up as well, and your ball just rolls out to you. | ||
| So you don't have to touch anything. | ||
| They even found a way to take the one thing that you might touch out of it. | ||
| It's so frustrating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's also frustrating that there's not the same approach to all activities. | ||
| Like, you can protest and everyone thinks you're doing a good thing. | ||
| No one says, hey, this is a legitimate protest, but we should be really careful about spreading this disease. | ||
| Right. | ||
| On the contrary, they say things that, they yell things over each other's shoulders again and again in a loud volume. | ||
| over and over and over and over and over again. - Which again, I am 100% fine with. | ||
| I'm for it. | ||
| I want you to be able to speak your mind. | ||
| And if you think there's something wrong in the world, speak your mind. | ||
| However, once we do that, once we have 60,000 people in downtown LA, once you have all these, how about you just, if you let people make that choice, everybody there knows this is a COVID pandemic. | ||
| Everybody there made a choice that is more important to them to protest than it is to really keep it safe and keep away from crowds. | ||
| We support their decision to do that. | ||
| Why can't other people do that in other things? | ||
| Why is it only a protest where you're allowed everybody to get together? | ||
| Why can't you decide what you do and what you don't do with your own health and your own life? | ||
| Because you can in all these other ways. | ||
| The thing to get you with is because you could spread it to someone else. | ||
| So it's like, wow. | ||
| We're losing everything on that. | ||
| We're losing everything on this one thing. | ||
| That you can be irresponsible and get it and spread it to someone else. | ||
| I could. | ||
| Or I could be forced to stay home for a year and lose everything I've ever worked for and maybe be suicidal. | ||
| That's possible too. | ||
| And they didn't consider that part of it. | ||
| They only considered the one part. | ||
| They considered the one part. | ||
| Like, someone could spread it. | ||
| Okay, let's shut it down. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| No one was there going, wait a minute. | ||
| How are these people going to eat? | ||
| How are these people going to pay their rent? | ||
| Who are we to tell 20 million people you can't go to work? | ||
| I was thinking the other day that they should give a fat stimulus check to the people that have serious pre-existing conditions that are affected by this and everyone else. | ||
| Work. | ||
| All the way open. | ||
| All the way up. | ||
| Do not hang out with those people. | ||
| If you're around other people, take 14 days. | ||
| Sorry, people with pre-existing conditions, but this is going to a little bit extra suck for you while we... | ||
| Make sure that our money stays money. | ||
| It could have been done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It could have been done. | ||
| I don't know if there's a real way you can make the people stay home, though. | ||
| The people with pre-existing conditions... | ||
| They might be like, fuck you. | ||
| I'm going to go out anyway. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Is it okay to be irresponsible normally? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But is it okay to be irresponsible now? | ||
| No. | ||
| But we've got a bunch of people that are just always irresponsible. | ||
| And now all of a sudden you're saying, you've got to get your shit together because there's a pandemic. | ||
| I understand that you want them to get their shit together, but people don't get their shit together that easily. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But do you let them just fuck up and let the disease burn itself to the population? | ||
| Or do you let the government shut everything down and then you have a disease of poverty burning through the entire population? | ||
| You have a disease of despair. | ||
| There's a lot of other things that aren't good besides just the illness. | ||
| The question is like, what's the balancing point, right? | ||
| Like, how much illness do we have to stop and how much business do we have to keep open and where is it at its healthiest? | ||
| And I don't think anybody knew that coming in, and I don't think anybody's ever really looked at it that way. | ||
| They don't discuss it that way. | ||
| They only discuss the bad aspects of not locking down. | ||
| The bad aspects of not... | ||
| Stopping all travel and stopping all non-essential businesses. | ||
| Stopping the golfing. | ||
| There's something happening on those golf courses and people are dying. | ||
| We need to stop all the golfing. | ||
| How many people have died from golfing from the pandemic? | ||
| Four? | ||
| I mean that. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But that seems like it could be a stretch. | ||
| Even though old guys do love golfing. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They're good at it, too. | ||
| Jamie, what do you think the number is of dudes that have been killed while golfing? | ||
| What are you looking? | ||
| I say it's four. | ||
| Four people. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| I'll say seven. | ||
| Seven. | ||
| Even though I also think... | ||
| I just looked. | ||
| It said that... | ||
| Or maybe it's certain courses, I guess. | ||
| It says you can golf. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In LA? In LA. What? | |
| Tony, is this all fugazi? | ||
| They canceled our reservations. | ||
| We were on public courses. | ||
| Maybe certain courses or something. | ||
| Oh, so the private courses can still... | ||
| If they couldn't adhere to the rules... | ||
| Here's what I think it is. | ||
| Private courses, you can only golf with people in your household. | ||
| That's what they change. | ||
| Which, by the way, makes it impossible to golf. | ||
| I'm sure this week there was thousands of groups of guys, probably different races and everything, showing up saying, hey, we're all roommates. | ||
| Yeah, we're all brothers and sisters under God. | ||
| But that's what they said, is you can golf with people that you live with, which is, again, that doesn't make sense. | ||
| Just test everybody. | ||
| Just test them when they get there. | ||
| You want people to be able to golf? | ||
| Just test them. | ||
| I feel like this is all shit that makes sense if you're talking about it in March. | ||
| But when we're all the way here in December of the following year... | ||
| I mean, the same year, but I mean, we're like almost 2021. And there's things we could work out that we could handle better. | ||
| They have to take into consideration the consequences of stopping things, not just of stopping you from doing things, and the negative that comes from you doing these things. | ||
| You have to take into consideration what happens when you stop those things. | ||
| Where do those people get the food from? | ||
| Where do those people get the money from? | ||
| How many people are involved in this business? | ||
| How many people are supported by this one restaurant? | ||
| All their food, all their home, their housing, everything they buy, vacations they go, all from this one restaurant. | ||
| Might be 100 people, man. | ||
| And then what about those people? | ||
| How are they going to pay their rent? | ||
| How's the landlord going to pay his rent or his mortgage if no one pays rent, no one has any money? | ||
| How far does this bubble out when you've got a 30% unemployment rate? | ||
| How far does this bubble out when 40% of the restaurants go under, 50% of the restaurants go under? | ||
| Like, how far does it go? | ||
| And have you guys calculated this? | ||
| Or have you only calculated deaths? | ||
| Or have you only calculated hospital beds? | ||
| Have you only calculated ICU? That's important shit to calculate. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| It's very important to calculate. | ||
| But there was never a discussion of both things. | ||
| There was only a discussion of what's the negative aspect of people going to work. | ||
| Do we have to flatten the curve? | ||
| The flattening the curve shit was supposed to be two weeks. | ||
| Two weeks. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here we are. | ||
| It's fucking December. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, what is today? | ||
| The 8th? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| December 8th. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And no hospital ever reached capacity. | ||
| No one went without what they needed to, right? | ||
| And there's a curfew. | ||
| Explain that. | ||
| What happens after 10? | ||
| What happens that leads you to be able to tell people that they can't be out? | ||
| That they have to be home. | ||
| Who the fuck are you? | ||
| Like, why can you tell them that they can be home? | ||
| Because there's a virus? | ||
| You already told them they can't work. | ||
| So now you're telling them they can't go out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can't just go somewhere? | ||
| They have to stay home? | ||
| And somehow or another that's going to stop the virus at 10? | ||
| Only at 10? | ||
| Not at 9.15? | ||
| Not at 10.35? | ||
| Not at 11.15? | ||
| Don't tell the governor, but a few nights ago, the night that I drove here, I left at 10.30. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Can you believe that? | ||
| I think you're allowed to leave at 10.30. | ||
| What is the fucking rule? | ||
| What happens if you're out there and it's past 10? | ||
| It's just a thing to mess with people's minds. | ||
| Bro, imagine being a cop now. | ||
| This is the roughest year ever to be a cop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I pulled up next to one the other day at a red light, and I can't remember how we got into it. | ||
| I think my window was down or something, and I'm like, hey, what's up? | ||
| Nice car. | ||
| And I go, yeah, if you ever see it, don't give me a ticket. | ||
| And he goes, don't worry, man. | ||
| We don't even worry about that stuff anymore. | ||
| I bet they don't. | ||
| The light turned green and I went. | ||
| I bet they don't. | ||
| Just peeled out of there. | ||
| No, I'm kidding. | ||
| You left a smoke show. | ||
| Goodbye. | ||
| Donuts. | ||
| If you really think about it, that's probably the last thing they want to do is pull someone over for speeding now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, especially after those two cops got shot in the face, just sitting in their car, just totally unrelated to any incident. | ||
| Somebody walked up and just shot two cops in the face in LA. It's a rough year for being a cop. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I understand why people are upset. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But man, you need cops. | ||
| You guys are crazy if you don't think we need cops. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They definitely need better training, 100%. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| LA County Sheriff, deputies won't enforce Newsom's stay-at-home order. | ||
| Sheriff Villanueva? | ||
| Villanueva? | ||
| Did you say Villanueva? | ||
| Said businesses have been through enough. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| Fuck yeah, he's right. | ||
| I'm with that guy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Let them stay open, man. | ||
| If people are vulnerable, they don't want to go out, they can stay home. | ||
| But you can't make people stay home. | ||
| You can't make people not keep their businesses open. | ||
| You can have rules. | ||
| Masks make sense. | ||
| Filtration systems make sense. | ||
| Temperature checks make sense. | ||
| Contact tracing make sense. | ||
| All that stuff makes sense. | ||
| But telling a person like your dad, who's had a business for 30 fucking years, All of a sudden, you've got to shut it down for a year. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| If you're going to do that, you've got to put something in place to freeze rent for all these different people. | ||
| It should be the moment the government tells you... | ||
| That you can't work, your rent is frozen. | ||
| And that rent is paid by the government. | ||
| If you can't pay the rent, then you can't tell someone they can't work. | ||
| Because you set into motion something, you're like, I created a problem for you. | ||
| You figure it out. | ||
| The government's not supposed to be in the business of creating problems for you. | ||
| It's supposed to be in the business of managing things and making life better for you in some way by good decisions. | ||
| That's not a good decision. | ||
| It's a terrible decision. | ||
| And there's no protection on people for losing their homes. | ||
| No protection on people for getting evicted. | ||
| No protection on people for getting their house repossessed. | ||
| And they expected these folks to just figure it out. | ||
| Figure it out. | ||
| The repercussions are gonna be insane. | ||
| We have not begun to see it yet. | ||
| Especially the second lockdown. | ||
| This is just beginning. | ||
| All these people that worked in restaurants, the few people on a staff that were lucky enough to get shifts on the limited basis of everything, limited tables, limited business, are now not working. | ||
| They were the lucky ones. | ||
| They were the senior employees, probably 10, 15, 20 years or more at a restaurant. | ||
| And a lot of these people in the service industry drink and treat themselves. | ||
| It's like part of that side of the business. | ||
| You know what they should do, really? | ||
| Wake everybody up? | ||
| If you really think that you should shut down all these businesses that aren't essential, how about shut everything down? | ||
| Shut everything down. | ||
| Shut everything down. | ||
| Gas stations, supermarkets, supply train, everything. | ||
| Shut everything down. | ||
| Then you realize how crazy what you're doing is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Whitney Cummings got in trouble for a tweet that she made yesterday. | ||
| She's like, I'm getting canceled for this stupid fucking tweet. | ||
| But it totally made sense. | ||
| She's like, all these rich, progressive people that want to keep everything shut down except delivery drivers and Right. | ||
| Hospital employees. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Uber drivers. | ||
| Postmates. | ||
| Postmates. | ||
| People work in supermarkets. | ||
| Nannies. | ||
| She listed all these things. | ||
| These people have to work. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The people that... | ||
| And again, I get it. | ||
| I'm not a person that's in the position that I'm talking about. | ||
| So I'm talking about this just out of consideration. | ||
| But if a person can't work... | ||
| And the other person that's telling them they can't work has no financial repercussions at all. | ||
| And is working while telling them to not work. | ||
| Is working while telling them to not work and in many cases even going on vacations and doing things, going to restaurants while telling people to never go out. | ||
| Like, it's madness. | ||
| And it's going to erode the confidence that people have in government in a way that we've never seen before. | ||
| Because government has never taken your whole livelihood away from that many people. | ||
| Government has never made decisions that force people to lose their life's work in a few months. | ||
| It has now. | ||
| And so these people that you thought were buffoons But they didn't affect your life directly, now have radically affected millions of people's lives directly with their incompetence and their lack of sight, their lack of foresight, their lack of vision, their lack of understanding. | ||
| There's consequences to both things. | ||
| You only keep talking about this one thing. | ||
| You're not talking about the consequences of the economic impact on these people. | ||
| There are serious health consequences to poverty, right? | ||
| There's serious health consequences to the stress of losing a business that you've worked for for 30 years. | ||
| Mental health problems, drug addiction problems, suicide. | ||
| All these things are upticking. | ||
| And if you were an accountant, if you wanted to bring them to court, you would go, we're going to just show you the impact of these decisions. | ||
| And you'd map it out as a case against their decision. | ||
| Like, look at the impact of these decisions. | ||
| And look at the financial impact. | ||
| Look at all the suicide. | ||
| Look at the uptick in suicides. | ||
| Look at the uptick in drug addiction. | ||
| Look at the uptick in all these different things. | ||
| Violent crime, murder, harms, all these different things. | ||
| Armed robbery. | ||
| You show the uptick. | ||
| And then you say, look what you've done. | ||
| Look what you did. | ||
| You looked at one side of it. | ||
| You talked about one side of it. | ||
| You never even discussed remotely the consequences for these people that did nothing wrong, who are going to lose everything. | ||
| And there's no aid. | ||
| $1,200 check once. | ||
| Some companies got aid. | ||
| Some companies got some loans to try to take care of their employees and stay afloat. | ||
| Some big companies. | ||
| They served a lot of large corporations. | ||
| They didn't serve small businesses. | ||
| You know, they ignored a lot of small businesses. | ||
| It's dark, dude. | ||
| It shows people one thing, though, that's really important. | ||
| It shows you how important real leadership is and how rare it is. | ||
| People with character. | ||
| It's one of the things I love about Dan Crenshaw. | ||
| He's a Navy SEAL, man. | ||
| He's got real character. | ||
| Like, it's real. | ||
| Like, you meet enough of those guys to become a Navy SEAL? To be a Goggins, to be a Jocko, you've got to be an extraordinary human. | ||
| To be an Andy Stump, you've got to be an extraordinary human. | ||
| It's not a regular person. | ||
| It's a person with intense discipline. | ||
| The ability to push through when other people would quit. | ||
| That's a Dan Crenshaw. | ||
| That's a real leader. | ||
| We've got a lot of fake leaders. | ||
| We've got a lot of leaders that they auditioned for roles that nobody wanted. | ||
| They went out there and they got jobs that some people wanted. | ||
| Of course other people wanted to be mayor of Los Angeles. | ||
| But exceptional people? | ||
| Like really intelligent, successful people? | ||
| No, they make more money doing other things. | ||
| And they have other interests. | ||
| They don't do it. | ||
| So you get these people that make these decisions. | ||
| And they're not necessarily in the stiffest fucking competition. | ||
| There's not a whole lot of people vying to be the mayor of Ventura. | ||
| How many people are there? | ||
| But you can make decisions if you're in a... | ||
| I don't mean to pick on the mayor of Ventura. | ||
| I don't even know who the fuck it is. | ||
| But you can make decisions if you're a governor of a state. | ||
| That can affect millions of people in a negative way. | ||
| You can make poor decisions. | ||
| You can decide... | ||
| That you're gonna start locking people up who go to the park. | ||
| You can decide that. | ||
| You can decide that. | ||
| And you're gonna do it for the safety of the people. | ||
| That's not your job. | ||
| It's never been your job. | ||
| It's never been your job to tell people when they have to go to bed or when they have to be home. | ||
| It's never been your job. | ||
| Yeah, we realized with this whole pandemic thing how powerful, I think a lot of people realize how powerful governors actually are, state to state to state. | ||
| And it made me wish, this time made me wish, that California had Schwarzenegger now. | ||
| I would have loved to have seen how he handled this whole thing. | ||
| Maybe we can start a campaign to bring him back. | ||
| Can he be governor again? | ||
| How's that work? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Jerry Brown did it. | ||
| Jerry Brown was governor way back in the Disney. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Because Jerry Brown was governor back when he was running for president opposite Bush Sr. and Ron Paul. | ||
| No, no, no, not Ron Paul. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| The guy I think of when I think of Ron Paul. | ||
| The old dude who ran for president who was an oil guy. | ||
| God damn it, Jamie. | ||
| Ross Perot. | ||
| Ross Perot. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you very much. | ||
| I know how he talks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Explain to you about IRS. This is how it works. | |
| That guy took so many votes away from Herbert Walker Bush that he wound up losing to Clinton. | ||
| So Jerry Brown was in the primary. | ||
| He was running for president but didn't get the nomination. | ||
| That was around the same time as Ross Perot and Herbert Walker Bush. | ||
| And they think that Clinton won and that H.W. didn't win re-election because Ross Perot took so many votes. | ||
| I voted for Ross Perot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ross Perot was the fucking man. | ||
| Everybody was like pumped up about Ross Perot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was like the cool guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like the original Bernie. | ||
| Well, he was a businessman and he explained taxes in a one half hour program. | ||
| Is that available online? | ||
| Can someone watch the Ross Perot? | ||
| I bet it's on YouTube. | ||
| YouTube has everything. | ||
| But he did this explanation. | ||
| He bought a whole half hour of television, primetime TV, pre-internet, and just had a fucking piece of cardboard and explained everything. | ||
| And at the end of it, you're like, what? | ||
| Like, dude, back then, nobody understood taxes. | ||
| Now people kind of get it's horseshit. | ||
| They get the Federal Reserve's nonsense. | ||
| This is nonsense. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Interest? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| How much debt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What is inflation? | ||
| What does all this mean? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| What's the stock market? | ||
| But he was explaining it to the whole country. | ||
| And lemmings like me were like, I'm in! | ||
| Ross Perot's a rebel! | ||
| You know, I was probably like 22. I was an idiot. | ||
| I gotta pee. | ||
| You knew I could tell! | ||
| I could tell! | ||
| I could tell you had a look in your face. | ||
| I'm like, you gotta pee, don't you? | ||
| I should've asked. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| Jerry Brown was the governor twice. | ||
| Yeah, he was the governor in the 80s, and then he was the governor again recently, before Gavin Newsom. | ||
| Correct, until 2019. I'm on the Wikipedia for it, which is probably not the best place to find the law, but it's not listed on here. | ||
| How many terms did he do back in the Disney? | ||
| So, the most you can do at once, for sure, is just like the president, where you can do eight years consecutive, like two back-to-back terms. | ||
| But can you do it again later? | ||
| I mean, he did. | ||
| Maybe Arnold can, too. | ||
| I'm trying to figure out maybe there's a length. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I've learned. | ||
| I've gotten better. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I've been naughty. | ||
| Nixon was the only one that was an unsuccessful candidate for governor in California that won presidential. | ||
| He lost in 62 to Jerry Brown's father, Pat Brown. | ||
| I don't know enough about Nixon. | ||
| I don't know enough about him. | ||
| He seems like an odd dude. | ||
| Hunter S. Thompson always hated him. | ||
| Which makes him funny. | ||
| But the actual human, like what he did, if that happened today, he was spying on his rivals, right? | ||
| They bugged Watergate, right? | ||
| That was what it was about. | ||
| If that happened today, would anybody even bat an eye? | ||
| I mean, honestly, didn't the Obama administration spy on the Trump administration? | ||
| I would say yes, but taking their side of it, they had a reason to do it because they were told you need to check into this for all these reasons. | ||
| So they didn't just say, hey, he's my opponent, let's go fucking look. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They thought that he was in collusion with Russia. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But still. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, that's not okay, but what Nixon did, or that's okay, but what Nixon did is not okay. | ||
| Because Nixon did it to a guy, they were campaigning, they were looking for dirt. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| And Nixon wasn't, no, Nixon was a president. | ||
| That's why it was the issue. | ||
| Because he had the power to do it. | ||
| In the Obama administration, he was president while Trump was president-elect. | ||
| But Obama was not up for re-election. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And Nixon was. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, that makes it different. | ||
| Obama was the best president ever in terms of how he came off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a GOAT in terms of speeches, celebrity. | ||
| Also, the most composed. | ||
| He felt like a president. | ||
| He felt like a guy who was way smarter than you, who was going to handle it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He would give speeches the way he would talk. | |
| It was commanding, big, big. | ||
| And then W was the most hilarious, because he would just be buffoonery. | ||
| But we ain't seen shit until this Biden presidency. | ||
| This is gonna be... | ||
| Did that W movie come out while he was still there, or did that come out after the fact? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Probably after, right? | ||
| Did Josh Brolin play him? | ||
| Yeah, he was unbelievable in it. | ||
| Josh Brolin's a beast, man. | ||
| He's Thanos, bro. | ||
| You saw Biden broke his foot. | ||
| Just talking to people. | ||
| His foot just snapped. | ||
| I thought he said that he grabbed his dog's tail while he was in the shower. | ||
| Did you see this? | ||
| Ask him tomorrow. | ||
| It'll be a new story. | ||
| Bro, we ain't seen shit. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| As stand-up comedians, we just hit the lottery. | ||
| We hit the lottery because two things are happening that's beautiful. | ||
| One, Trump is gone. | ||
| Here's why that's good. | ||
| Because these people that thought that Trump was the root of all problems now have to face up to real problems. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Now I have to realize, like, oh, that guy was annoying, and I didn't like the way he talked, but he wasn't the problem. | ||
| The bureaucracy, the system, the crud, the fucking swamp, the wars, the endless wars, the fucking military-industrial complex. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| When this guy becomes president, and now the jokes will free flow. | ||
| They will free flow. | ||
| Because people will have gotten rid of the bad man. | ||
| They won't be a bad man anymore. | ||
| They'll just be a guy who's falling apart. | ||
| And then they're going to tell you you can't make fun of him. | ||
| Well, he's falling apart because it's rude. | ||
| You're like, hey, you got to get him out of there then. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Get him out of there and I'll stop making fun of him. | ||
| But you can't. | ||
| You know what's going on. | ||
| Either it doesn't make sense or it does make sense. | ||
| So if I make fun of Barack Obama the way I make fun of Joe Biden, it wouldn't work. | ||
| If I said to you, I think Obama is like going with a bad flashlight on a long walk in the woods, you'd be like, that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But when I say it about Biden, that it's like taking a flashlight with a bad battery and going for a long walk in the woods, you're like, yeah, it is. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| You know he's not going to make it to eight years. | ||
| You fucking know it. | ||
| You fucking know it. | ||
| But if I said that about Obama, it wouldn't make any sense at all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Jokes work because they work. | ||
| They work because they make sense. | ||
| And if they don't make sense, they don't work. | ||
| So if people start saying that we can't make fun of Joe Biden because it's rude or it's able... | ||
| So you gotta get him out of that job then. | ||
| Because you know what's going on. | ||
| These jokes work because they're accurate. | ||
| The more people mocked him during the campaign, the best at it, fucking for sure, is Kyle Dunnigan. | ||
| Without a doubt. | ||
| He's the GOAT. Yeah. | ||
| He's the GOAT. Yeah, it's unbelievable. | ||
| He does so many different people. | ||
| And the Biden is off the charts. | ||
| So good. | ||
| You know, he said he has to do some fucked up things to his voice to get it that way. | ||
| And he can't talk afterwards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Is to fuck his voice up to hit that tone that Biden is. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| That's so awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here, play it. | |
| Play it. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Deal, man. | |
| Go from the beginning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
SpaceX. | |
| SpaceX launch. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| Elon, Joey B here. | ||
| Wish you a congratulation on your face space launch. | ||
| Big deal, man. | ||
| Face space. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, not face space. | |
| It's SpaceX. | ||
| Space Sex Launch. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Sorry, who's this? | ||
| Joey B., former vice principal under Barack Tobago. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Prisoner of rape. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Sorry, I'm distracted with COVID-19. | ||
| Kids will do that to you. | ||
| I think you think of my son AXF-12. | ||
| COVID-19 is different and very much not very good. | ||
| Well, take care of them all, man. | ||
| Hey, wait a minute. | ||
| I got to congratulate Elon. | ||
| No, you're a bad dude. | ||
| Remind me of corn pop. | ||
| Got a razor blade in his shoe, wasn't it? | ||
| No, not corn pop. | ||
| Frankenberry. | ||
| If it soaks up all the milk, look. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Count Chocula was a good cop. | ||
| 4, 4, 5, 45, how about a 55, 55, 75, sold to Barack Obama! | ||
| Did he just auction off his grandkids? | ||
| Is he dead? | ||
| Goddammit! | ||
| Elon, enjoy beer! | ||
| How good is that? | ||
| He's so talented. | ||
| He's another guy, but he did this before COVID, but he's another guy who's figured out a complete new wrinkle in social media. | ||
| He's figured out a way to do top flight comedy writing and little sketches, but get them all within a minute, minute and a half. | ||
| Punches them up big time, Barack toboggan. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| We're going to have some fun times with this guy. | ||
| As long as China doesn't take over. | ||
| I don't want to learn Chinese. | ||
| I don't want the government watching everything I do. | ||
| That seems annoying. | ||
| And this all happened right when, what, Hong Kong was protesting. | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| Are you worried? | ||
| I'm not, I mean... | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| A little bit, yeah. | ||
| I mean, everyone has to be. | ||
| Are you worried, Jamie? | ||
| Well, I mean... | ||
| More about this stuff. | ||
| What stuff? | ||
| That Galactic Federation show. | ||
| Oh yeah, that was coming up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And why they won't talk about it or will talk about it. | ||
| Former Israeli space security chief says extraterrestrials exist and Trump knows about it. | ||
| A galactic federation has been waiting for humans to reach a stage where we will understand what space and spaceships are. | ||
| How do you say his name? | ||
| Chaim Eshed said, I can help everybody. | ||
| Me. | ||
| Mushrooms. | ||
| Everybody get on mushrooms. | ||
| All of us. | ||
| The whole planet. | ||
| One day. | ||
| One day. | ||
| Let's take a day off. | ||
| You want to really take a day off? | ||
| Take a day off. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| Mushrooms. | ||
| The aliens will just start landing. | ||
| They'll start landing. | ||
| They'll pop out of nowhere. | ||
| Thin air. | ||
| Just appear. | ||
| Football fields. | ||
| I was once almost positive that there was one of those, and it turns out that I found out the next day, it wasn't a spaceship, but that a father and a son in the distance were playing with two lightsabers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| But once in Joshua Tree, I was positive that I saw UFO land, red and green lights, and then they told me I was tripping my balls off. | ||
| Yeah, that's a little different. | ||
| Maybe it was a UFO too. | ||
| Maybe the UFO only comes out when you're tripping and you want to see a UFO because you saw lasers. | ||
| It'll just show up. | ||
| Weird stuff does pop up when on mushrooms though. | ||
| Oh for sure. | ||
| I think you hit a weird frequency like where you tuned into other dimensions. | ||
| You know, when Ari started Shroom Fest, Shroom Fest 1, we celebrated at the Comedy Store condo in La Jolla. | ||
| It was me, him, Matt Edgar, and I think Dan Madonia. | ||
| Anyway, we fasted. | ||
| We didn't eat anything. | ||
| We grinded up a bunch of mushrooms, mixed them with orange juice. | ||
| We did all the research on how mushrooms can hit you the hardest. | ||
| Anyway, a few hours in, we're standing out on that patio, and you know how walking traffic comes on both sides? | ||
| And far away in the distance, we see these super crazy lights, and they're coming closer and closer. | ||
| And as it got closer, we realized that it was a family, a father, a mother, a son, and a daughter who were tiny kids. | ||
| And they're all covered from head to toe in different lights and multicolored lights and things because they sell them straight off of their body to people on the beach. | ||
| But you should have seen us holding onto the deck for that 45 minutes that it took for them to get to us. | ||
| It was tripping your balls off. | ||
| And then as they're walking by and you realize, oh my God, this is a family. | ||
| This is how they make their money. | ||
| They must walk the entire way. | ||
| They've been doing this for a long time. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I wonder how much money they make. | ||
| They must be struggling. | ||
| Maybe they're rich. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| You know, just. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Illegal. | ||
| Illegal. | ||
| Mushrooms are the best. | ||
| There's a lot of lessons in those things. | ||
| We saw an evergreen growing out of a rock one time we found one in Joshua Tree. | ||
| How so? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You mean a rock and then the evergreen was wrapped around the rock? | ||
| It was on top of it. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Found just enough roots. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Got all the way to the dirt. | ||
| Somehow, someway through the rock. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you take a picture of it? | ||
| I once looked it up and I found it. | ||
| I once googled because I assumed other people would have seen it at some point because it wasn't that far from our campsite in Jumbo Rock, I think it was, in Joshua Tree. | ||
| So I googled Joshua Tree Evergreen Out of Rock or something like that. | ||
| Did you ever go to the rainwood, the redwood forest rather? | ||
| No, I never made it there. | ||
| I really wanted to though. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| They're so big it's weird. | ||
| There's one of them that, I think more than one, but one that I went to that they cut a hole through it and let cars drive through it. | ||
| And I remember it from when I was a kid that we had visited when I was a kid, like really young, like seven. | ||
| And then when I went to it again as an adult, I remember thinking, what a weird thing that they did. | ||
| They took this insanely big tree. | ||
| It's so big. | ||
| Somebody was like, I think we can get a fucking car through there. | ||
| And the other one was like, let's do it. | ||
| So they literally cut a hole in this life form. | ||
| And they left just enough to keep it alive, but it has this massive scar, and these little primates get in their metal boxes and roll through the hole. | ||
| That's why they did it. | ||
| That's it right there, yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| It's weird, because you get inside of it, and you're just like, is this worth it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's strange that people would want to drive a car through it, and then someone wouldn't go, hey, hey, stop. | ||
| I got an idea. | ||
| How old is that? | ||
| 4,000 years old? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's dig a hole in it and drive cars till it'll be the shit. | |
| They thought about Instagram before Instagram existed. | ||
| This is what you have to think. | ||
| Who gave a fuck if you drove through that tree? | ||
| Wow, look at that. | ||
| This happened in the 20s or something. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| But that just affirms. | ||
| It should really just show you how slow these goddamn trees grow. | ||
| If you think about the fact that that was... | ||
| When did they do it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I just saw a horse and buggy going through it, so it might have been done even before that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, look. | ||
| Oh my god, that's crazy. | ||
| But that might have been at the same time, because photographs weren't until the mid-1800s, right? | ||
| I know we went over this before. | ||
| When's the photograph? | ||
| Was it like 1850 or something? | ||
| Depends on what the photograph is you want to consider a photograph, but they've been able to copy stuff with light and shit like that on like 10 for a little while. | ||
| Not 200 years, but longer than you might think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's cut in 1881. That was when it was cut? | |
| Yep. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Imagine having that shitty job with the tools that you had in 1881. An ice pick and a hammer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Every day. | ||
| Enlarging an existing scar, it says. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| So there was an existing scar. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they sat after. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Shamed for it. | ||
| It was already cut. | ||
| I just made it big enough for my truck. | ||
| It's such a douchey human move to drive a hole through a tree. | ||
| But even with the hole in it, it's so impressive. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's like, you know, you put your hands on it and you look around and you're like, wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I think I took pictures. | ||
| See if my Instagram back in the dizay. | ||
| You know someone's gonna make a meme because of this with the big black guy with his dick hanging out and there's gonna be a car driving through the bottom of it. | ||
| It's almost 200 years for the first photograph. | ||
| 1826. Wow. | ||
| I think it was that thing or whatever that is actually. | ||
| Blurry piece of shit. | ||
| I want my money back. | ||
| That's a zero megapixel camera. | ||
| Cameras today on phones are so ridiculous. | ||
| You know how people have a hard time taking photos of the moon? | ||
| You ever try to take a photo of the moon? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Galaxy Note 20 actually has a moon mode. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah, the menu, first of all, the camera's incredible, but the customization, the menu, is pretty... | ||
| Samsung does a really good job with that, giving you not just really good cameras, but a bunch of different ways you can fuck around with your camera, like built into the camera app. | ||
| And one of them is moon mode. | ||
| They have like a moonshot mode. | ||
| And so through that, it adjusts the aperture so you can take a photo of the moon, and it actually looks like the moon. | ||
| See if you can find out... | ||
| The first one, it came up, it wasn't a good picture. | ||
| It's almost like... | ||
| Still not like what you could do with your camera. | ||
| You've seen what the fucking moon looks like. | ||
| You've seen tons of pictures, so it's like, how do I know this one was taken with that, but... | ||
| On the drive out here, we had one of those nights where it came over that ledge and was like Joe vs. | ||
| the Volcano style. | ||
| It was massive. | ||
| Bro, that is really good. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| That's a photo from a cell phone of the moon? | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| That's the part of, like, it says it is. | ||
| Oh, these lying fucks. | ||
| But you don't know if it is. | ||
| I'm just going to assume it is. | ||
| Let's just go with it is. | ||
| I'm going with you, man. | ||
| It's more fun to think they're full of shit. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| That's CGI, bro. | ||
| That says it's a P40. Eddie Bravo had a really good point. | ||
| He goes, let me ask you this. | ||
| Who took the picture of the spaceman in the Tesla flying over the Earth? | ||
| Who took the picture? | ||
| The camera they had on it. | ||
| Yeah, they had a camera attached. | ||
| Hey, you're ruining my fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it's an easy question. | |
| Eddie's under the assumption that there's a photographer out there like, I just gotta do this with one picture. | ||
| Who took the picture? | ||
| He thought we were both high at the time. | ||
| I was like, hmm. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| I wonder who took that picture. | ||
| I assumed there'd be an answer. | ||
| But there he is. | ||
| Listen, I'm not buying it, man. | ||
| I'm not buying it. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| The side one. | ||
| That was my favorite one. | ||
| Who took that picture, Jamie? | ||
| I don't see a camera in the front either. | ||
| How's this happening? | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| Who's taking that one, Jamie? | ||
| That's an amazing picture. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| No, you can see the bar there. | ||
| It wasn't even a picture really. | ||
| It was a live stream on YouTube. | ||
| I took the same picture with my screenshot on my laptop. | ||
| How can they live stream it? | ||
| How can they do that? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Yeah, that is true. | ||
| They livestream the astronauts going there. | ||
| They just have a camera going. | ||
| I know, but I mean, how does it get all the way down? | ||
| How does it get all the way down to us? | ||
| Data. | ||
| They have a strong bandwidth pipe that no one else is allowed to use. | ||
| And he can do that all the way up there with a car? | ||
| Wouldn't you have to have additional equipment or anything? | ||
| It's not still live. | ||
| No. | ||
| Imagine it's a 24-hour spaceman cam you get tuned into. | ||
| You know what my favorite story was? | ||
| That that was some guy who fucked Elon Musk's girlfriend. | ||
| Stuffed him in a space chute, shot him off into space, which just hurls around in infinity. | ||
| And I was like, if that's true, that's the best story. | ||
| I'd like that story to be true. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Ground control to nature, Tom. | ||
| Goodbye, my dear friend. | ||
| Yeah, I read an article the other day where someone was trying to make the argument that Elon Musk is an idiot. | ||
| Wow, that's a tough argument to make. | ||
| But it made me happy. | ||
| Because it just goes to show you that no matter what, there's someone out there that's going to call you an idiot. | ||
| Think about all the great things that Bill Gates has done in terms of charitable foundations and all the money they donated to try to help poor people. | ||
| They've done a lot of really good things. | ||
| But then a crazy rumor, a fake thing online would be about he's a pedophile or that he wants to kill children or he wants to microchip you. | ||
| And that's all you'll hear about. | ||
| Forget about all the good things this guy did. | ||
| Elon Musk confirms, yes, I have moved to Texas. | ||
| Wow, this is today. | ||
| Wow, look at that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Looks like I got here at the right time. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| What a brilliant move. | ||
| I'm telling you, once we open up shop, once the comedy club's open, get that ball rolling... | ||
| Wild. | ||
| We can do a lot of great stuff, man. | ||
| We can do a lot of fun things. | ||
| Yeah, because we can. | ||
| Yeah, you can do things out here. | ||
| We're physically allowed to. | ||
| You're physically allowed to, and it's in the long run. | ||
| Look, it's not good for anybody who lost loved ones, and it's not good for anybody who lost businesses, but in the long run, for us, As comedians and as people that are kind of in custody of an art form. | ||
| That the custody should lie in the people who make the art form. | ||
| In the Dave Chappelle's, in the Bill Burr's, in the Tony Hinchcliffe's, in the Joey Diaz's, in the... | ||
| All the people that make the art form are the ones that you want to be in control of the art form. | ||
| And in LA, we were all under... | ||
| There's always like this... | ||
| There's a prostitution aspect of it. | ||
| I don't mean that in a bad way, but I mean like in terms of you're going to sell yourself for a television show, you're going to sell yourself for a movie. | ||
| All those options are available. | ||
| And when those options are available, the stand-up changes. | ||
| Your willingness to take risks changes. | ||
| Your approach to the art form changes. | ||
| Because you don't just think, I'm just going to do the thing that I think is the most funny. | ||
| You're like, ooh, will this get me in trouble? | ||
| Will this stop me from getting cast in a movie? | ||
| Will this stop me from getting cast in a television show? | ||
| In a lot of cases, it will. | ||
| If it's between you and some other guy, that's pretty good. | ||
| But you said something crazy, all of a sudden, that guy gets the role. | ||
| And you don't want the role. | ||
| You want to be a comic. | ||
| the roles are just some things they offer you while you're a comic and you go wow if I do that I can pay my bills or if I can do that I don't have to worry about money but this is a wake up call for everybody that's a comic to let you know that the people that are in control of the art form are the people that make the art form we don't need a hub that's connected to another form of show business being in a hub that's connected to television or film is silly That's a different thing. | ||
| If you want to do that thing, that's one thing. | ||
| But the art form of stand-up comedy should be autonomous. | ||
| It should not be connected to anything else other than itself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| With a live audience. | ||
| For the same reason why we were talking about those conversations we had at dinner. | ||
| Where we get together and we just make each other laugh. | ||
| Comics should be in control of how comedy gets formed and made. | ||
| And if we can be in control of a scene... | ||
| That would help so much. | ||
| You know, it'd be 100% pro-comic, 100% encouraging people to do it, have open mic nights with not a single consideration of the fact you're not going to make as much money as you would on a night without an open mic night. | ||
| Because everybody said the reason why, like, if you go on the road, some clubs don't have open mic nights. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they go, well, those lose money. | ||
| I go, yeah, but they make comedians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then you develop local talent and you have a scene, like, you're investing in the scene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to invest in the scene. | ||
| And if you look at it only like a business, you're not going to invest in the scene. | ||
| So you'll take those Mondays and those Sundays and you'll turn those into headliner shows. | ||
| You go, oh, D.L. Hughley's willing to come in Monday night. | ||
| He's willing to come in and do two sold-out shows. | ||
| Are you going to do that? | ||
| Or are you going to... | ||
| Put up a show where there's a bunch of open micers. | ||
| DL can go anywhere the fuck he wants. | ||
| But if you want to create a scene, you better have an open mic show. | ||
| You got to have an open mic show. | ||
| You have to have a community of people that are trying to get better. | ||
| They push each other and they value good talent. | ||
| And then people come into town and they get to see these people and they take them on the road. | ||
| You'll say, hey man, you're really good. | ||
| You want to come with me to Ohio? | ||
| Hey, have you ever worked at this guy's place? | ||
| I'm going there. | ||
| I'll give him your number. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Critical. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Critical. | ||
| I mean, even the improv and things like that, like I said, when we were doing them, we were standing outside at 4 to do the open mic at 6. It wasn't a real show. | ||
| There couldn't even be an audience to come in if they wanted to. | ||
| It was us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, even if it's just that, that was enough for us to see if we missed one. | ||
| We were there every Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday, whenever it was at that time, because it switched so many times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I remember all of this so clearly because it was so critical. | ||
| It was so important because there is no other way. | ||
| I remember finding out that there were... | ||
| I didn't know how to become a comedian. | ||
| No one does. | ||
| There's no book. | ||
| There's no college, right? | ||
| So it's like when I first started figuring it out and realizing like, oh, that's what an open mic is. | ||
| It's not just like... | ||
| I think I thought it was just where you sang country music or something. | ||
| Like, oh, that's where the music showcase. | ||
| It was also for comedy and finding out how it worked. | ||
| And there's nobody that tells you how to write the jokes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no courses available online. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was telling my friend the other day because we were walking by... | ||
| We were walking by this horrible location, La Brea and Santa Monica, where I first lived when I was a comedian. | ||
| And my buddy, Matt Edgar, and I would go to that Starbucks, horrible location, and we did all the worst comedy writing you can ever imagine. | ||
| And I was telling her that we did everything completely backwards. | ||
| We were literally going, well, what do people think is funny? | ||
| What do people see? | ||
| Let's see, there's a dog, so let's go. | ||
| People have dogs, people walk dogs. | ||
| We were just doing everything wrong, wondering what everyone else thought was funny instead of what we thought was funny. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just completely backwards, but that intersection reminds me so deeply of being... | ||
| Not only bad, but just completely unaware. | ||
| Complete opposite mentality, in fact. | ||
| Trying to think of what other people would think would be funny. | ||
| And trying to figure out how to get the laughs. | ||
| It's like a magic fairy dust that you see occasionally at night and you try to catch it in a net. | ||
| Like, how do I get it? | ||
| How do I get those laughs? | ||
| Maybe you get a little bitty laugh and then the next show it's like a little better and then you bomb the next show after that like, no! | ||
| You come off stage embarrassed, just feeling terrible about yourself, and the worst is when you bomb and then someone goes on after you and kills, and lets you know it's not the room, it's you. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Oh, it's you. | ||
| I think maybe I told you this story before, but one of my first gigs on the road was opening up for Sam Tripoli, and halfway up on the trip, we were going to Modesto, and halfway up, and by the way, I'm intimidated at this time by Sam. | ||
| I am honored to have this gig. | ||
| I think I'm going to get paid for this. | ||
| I might get 20, 40, who knows, bucks. | ||
| This is crazy to me. | ||
| So I'm pretty reserved and just chilling during this drive. | ||
| And halfway up, I remember going, what is this gig that we're doing? | ||
| You said it was a private gig. | ||
| He goes, yeah, bro, it's a convention for all the owners of 7-Elevens. | ||
| I'm not good at impressions. | ||
| And he goes, it's a convention for all the 7-Eleven owners from all around the country. | ||
| And I laugh. | ||
| Like, I thought he was making a joke. | ||
| I truly did. | ||
| And I didn't want to follow up. | ||
| Like, hey, you're kidding, right? | ||
| Because I didn't want to be the annoying opener guy, right? | ||
| You told me about this. | ||
| And I swear to God, it actually was. | ||
| A convention of 7-Eleven owners from around the country. | ||
| It was a nightmare. | ||
| And I'm eating it. | ||
| I mean, and I had to do like five minutes and he said I had to be clean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I literally, I don't think I had 20 seconds of clean material to my name, but I'm trying my best. | ||
| And there's only one laugh you can hear, and it's from the back of the room, and it's... | ||
| Triple E! Yeah, and with the oldest camera phone, this is like 13, 14 years ago, it's him and he's recording me. | ||
| I remember it was like a flip phone, and him just laughing and recording it. | ||
| I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. | ||
| And by the way, my point with telling this story is, guess what? | ||
| He went up and within 20 seconds just smashed city. | ||
| Everybody's turning their chairs around to face him. | ||
| Like, it was a debacle when I was up there. | ||
| Just the hottest death. | ||
| Only Sam laughing. | ||
| And he went up there and just... | ||
| You know, had him. | ||
| Because he actually was mentally prepared for a convention of 7-Eleven owners. | ||
| So he's up there making jokes. | ||
| Like, you guys are looking at me like I work at ExxonMobil. | ||
| And he's just getting these huge laughs. | ||
| He also was laughing because he knew. | ||
| Like, we all go through that stage, you know? | ||
| We all go through that stage in the beginning. | ||
| We're just not that good. | ||
| You have bad moments, bad times. | ||
| It's a beautiful art form that everybody's got their own path. | ||
| You've got to figure it out. | ||
| If you stick around long enough, you'll find what's funny about what you think. | ||
| You'll find it. | ||
| But it's not easy. | ||
| It's not easy. | ||
| It's a weird art form. | ||
| And to have that art form being controlled by other people. | ||
| One of the most brilliant things that Mitzi Shore ever did at the comedy store is she let the inmates run the asylum. | ||
| She really did. | ||
| She just let us run amok. | ||
| She just let us go on stage, say whatever they want. | ||
| Occasionally she didn't like some of my bits. | ||
| She'd tell me, that was disgusting. | ||
| She had these ideas about putting you in tough spots, which was very valuable because everybody wants to do well. | ||
| People want to go on after people that aren't that good because they don't want a lot of pressure. | ||
| She would always put you in tough spots and she would let you just run amok. | ||
| And she let the comics sort of figure out how to do it on their own. | ||
| And that's really what comedy needs. | ||
| Every comic, female, male, gay, straight, they all need to figure out what it is about the way they think. | ||
| What's the best way to optimize their thoughts? | ||
| To get it out there and find out what is it about what they see and think and say that's really funny. | ||
| And it's the best way to say it. | ||
| And everybody's just different. | ||
| You can tell people principles of comedy. | ||
| You can sort of teach them a little bit about economy of words and how to conceal a punchline, how to set things up and make it not so obvious when the punchline rolls around. | ||
| How to squeeze the most out of a premise, but don't beat it into the ground. | ||
| There's little subtle things you learn over time. | ||
| But what makes you funny versus what makes another person funny, Sebastian funny? | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| It's a good example, Sebastian, right? | ||
| Hilarious, but extremely different than you. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And if he had to coach you to do comedy his way, you wouldn't do it. | ||
| It wouldn't work. | ||
| And then if you had to coach him to do comedy your way, It wouldn't work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wouldn't work. | ||
| Comedy's a fucking weird art form, man. | ||
| You know, I once suggested a joke to him. | ||
| I don't know if I ever told you this story, but I fucking love it. | ||
| So, I once connected to a Chipotle that, weirdly enough, Sebastian and I would sometimes run into each other there. | ||
| Because we both like Chipotle, believe it or not. | ||
| Good spot. | ||
| Yeah, there's a place connected to it at our location called Bibbombop. | ||
| And I went in there once, and I literally felt... | ||
| It's the only time I ever felt like I was inside of a Sebastian bit. | ||
| I'm just going to keep it super short. | ||
| But I ended up thinking that, and then that night I saw Sebastian at the comedy store. | ||
| And I'm always very, almost shy when it comes to Sebastian, and basically only Sebastian, because he sort of reminds me of my... | ||
| Italian father and that side of the family and the whole thing. | ||
| So it's like, even though I find it hilarious, there's also this part where I'm just sort of like intimidated by a cool Italian guy. | ||
| So I gather all my courage one day in the hallway and I go up to Sebastian. | ||
| I go, Sebastian, you know, I think, have you ever tried the place that's connected to the Chipolis? | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I'm like, I think you have to try this place out because I feel like I was inside of one of your bits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I'm like, it's this place called Bibimbap, and it's like, you have to, like, make your own Asian bowl. | ||
| It's a whole thing. | ||
| It's, like, puzzling, but you just have to try it, because it's healthy, and you'll enjoy it. | ||
| And I think he could sort of feel, like, my, like, nervousness and, like, The tension that I had riding on this moment. | ||
| And it was just me and him in that hallway right by the swing doors. | ||
| And he goes, what was it called again? | ||
| Bib and bop. | ||
| And he like does it Sebastian style. | ||
| And I fucking died, man. | ||
| I wanted to like just run out of the building. | ||
| So cool. | ||
| Did you ever bring that up to him years later? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| He might have one by now. | ||
| But probably not. | ||
| Uncomfortable moments when you're first starting out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking hilarious when you look back as you become an established comedian. | ||
| One time Dice met my mom. | ||
| He was super nice. | ||
| This was like 13, 14 years ago. | ||
| I introduced Dice to my mom and he was so nice to her. | ||
| And then I found out from like Eleanor the next day or something like that. | ||
| She's like, yeah, he made me wash his glove off. | ||
| He was disgusted shaking him. | ||
| It was like something about how you find out he didn't really want to shake my mom's hand. | ||
| Well, Dice is a bit of a germaphobe. | ||
| Right, of course. | ||
| That's why he wears those weightlifting gloves. | ||
| Yeah, and I get it, but it's always worth the more you find out. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Does Dice still do all that crazy shit on his Instagram? | ||
| He's doing these little one-minute things on his Instagram, a lot of them with Eleanor. | ||
| Pre-COVID, they would do a lot of little things from the gym, little things they'd plan out. | ||
| He's so great. | ||
| I love the part of him in that Comedy Store documentary. | ||
| That thing was awesome, huh? | ||
| It's pretty wild. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pretty sad to know that it's not open. | ||
| You know, watch that and see the incredible history of it and know that if that documentary came out while it was open, that place would be sold out for a year. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, people would just buy tickets in advance. | ||
| It'd be one of those things. | ||
| You know, some restaurants, you can't get a reservation for the next five months. | ||
| That's how the Comedy Store would be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it would go from being a place that was sold out every night to a place that sold out in advance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They could give away season passes to the Comedy Store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they really could. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| They did a lot of sketches. | ||
| It's so fun. | ||
| Well, Eleanor was the best because she was a waitress for so long before she was ever a comic. | ||
| So she knew how fucking crazy comedians were. | ||
| Like, she really got a sense of how completely insane so many comics are. | ||
| And then decided, that's me. | ||
| I gotta do that. | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| Why am I doing waiting tables? | ||
| I need to do stand-up. | ||
| Like, she was a waitress for like 20 years before she ever did stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, she's... | ||
| Literally the best. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| She's a great... | ||
| I don't think it was 20 years, but it was at least 10. She was a great judge of whether or not someone was good. | ||
| I would ask her. | ||
| I would go, hey, did you see that guy? | ||
| He's here from New York. | ||
| He's supposed to be really funny. | ||
| She'd be like, eh... | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| She's like, like, really? | ||
| And you'd go see if she'd tell you someone's a hack. | ||
| You believed her. | ||
| Like, she's seen every joke. | ||
| Those waitresses are there from 8 p.m. | ||
| to 2 a.m. | ||
| every fucking night. | ||
| Serving drinks and hearing jokes over and over and over again. | ||
| For Eleanor, just like a seed grew into a tree. | ||
| She's like, fuck, I gotta do this. | ||
| She was one of the original people that helped me at the store. | ||
| I think she helped me get a job. | ||
| She helped me keep that job. | ||
| She was a huge... | ||
| She's a big part of the inner workings of the store, too. | ||
| Yeah, well, she was one of those important backbones of the store that you really didn't get much of in that documentary. | ||
| It's not just the comics that work there. | ||
| There's a thing to that place. | ||
| It's the folks that work behind the bar, the managers, the everything. | ||
| There's a lot going on in a place like that. | ||
| It's the most important part to the people that know about it, like us. | ||
| And you can't, that's like a thing that you can't just have good talent at a club. | ||
| You also have to have good talent in terms of like the management and the wait staff. | ||
| You have to have people that are cool. | ||
| Like you want to see them, they want to see you, everybody's friendly. | ||
| Like we would go to the back bar and everybody would be like, what's up? | ||
| It was always very friendly, always. | ||
| And some of the people that work there are funnier than some of the comedians. | ||
| We know that for a fact. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's true. | ||
| Rose, Carrie. | ||
| We would try to get Rose to do comedy forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| How long did we try to get Rose to do comedy? | ||
| And she could. | ||
| She also looks more like a rock star than most of the comedians. | ||
| Acts like one. | ||
| 100% could have been a comic or could still be a comic. | ||
| She might go the Eleanor route. | ||
| One day just decide to dive in. | ||
| Just start killing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Punky's now on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| What? | ||
| Not surprised. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yep. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Punky goes from being one of the bartenders at the Comedy Store to being a cast member on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| She officially quit as a bartender after being hired on Saturday Night Live as a full-time cast member. | ||
| She was still technically a bartender at the Comedy Store. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| And she never stopped or slowed down the entire time she was going, working, killing. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of hustle in that building, man. | ||
| A lot of hustle in that building. | ||
| There's a lot of people that were out there trying to make it happen. | ||
| A lot of people went on road gigs and... | ||
| A lot of people out there that were responsible for keeping that club awesome that had nothing to do with telling jokes. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Danny the sound guy. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| You know? | ||
| We've known these guys forever. | ||
| Jeff Scott. | ||
| Jeff Scott. | ||
| Same deal. | ||
| Known Jeff Scott forever. | ||
| There's a lot of what the Comedy Store Is the melt of everybody. | ||
| All the artists and the employees and the management and the staff, the waitresses, the waiters, the bartenders, everybody. | ||
| Everybody together. | ||
| It created this cool family vibe that we would go there and everybody would be fun. | ||
| And you'd see people hammered more than not. | ||
| And everybody was cool. | ||
| They kept it together. | ||
| It was a good place to be. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If we do anything out here, we have to pay special attention to that. | ||
| Like, it can't just be staff and comics. | ||
| Like, we gotta find cool people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Gotta find cool people, and you gotta find cool people that like each other. | ||
| Like, that's hard too. | ||
| The worst is like when you would hear like management squabbles. | ||
| You know what she said? | ||
| This fucking bitch? | ||
| As soon as we were shut down, she's like, and I was like, and then they go to management, and then you know there's a squabble, and like there was a few of those at the store before they found the right mixture. | ||
| You know, like, what did she say to you? | ||
| What did she say to you? | ||
| She didn't say nothing. | ||
| Oh, let me tell you what she said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Everybody was, like, upset at this girl. | ||
| You could always tell when someone wasn't going to last, like, two or three weeks either. | ||
| Like, a waitress with a bad attitude, it's like, oh, you don't know. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Waitresses that would correct comedians on their jokes? | ||
| That would be the best. | ||
| You know, what you're saying is really, really rude and not accurate. | ||
| What? | ||
| You see the comic turn around like, what is happening here? | ||
| It's the only place where a comedian can give you a red slip or whatever, a pink slip. | ||
| It's interesting, too, to watch people get busted for stealing. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| You're around thieves. | ||
| They're like, just charge them a little more. | ||
| Charge them a little more. | ||
| You know, that little temptation. | ||
| They look a little drunk. | ||
| It's 500. You're like, oh... | ||
| Especially if you think people are paying cash. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Charge them a little more. | ||
| They're not paying attention. | ||
| Tack a few drinks onto that bill. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Some clubs have a scam going. | ||
| Like, there was a place that I worked at in Boston that had a scam going. | ||
| They got busted. | ||
| The waitresses and the bartender had a scam. | ||
| They would tack drinks on. | ||
| Add a few drinks on the bill. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Charge people just a little bit more than they're supposed to get charged for things. | ||
| And just hope that in the dark at the end, trying to rush out of there, they didn't notice. | ||
| No, they split up the money. | ||
| They would have X amount of drinks. | ||
| So the waiter would bring them up for... | ||
| Say if people wanted three Cokes. | ||
| Cokes aren't something you track. | ||
| It's syrup. | ||
| So for three Cokes, they would charge the person for the three Cokes, but the bartender would not charge the waitress for the three Cokes. | ||
| So she would say, it's $32 for whatever you ordered, including the Three Cokes. | ||
| But the Three Cokes never made it into the official list. | ||
| Because this was back in No Computer Days. | ||
| 1988. They had to write everything down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just thieves. | |
| Stealing from the men. | ||
| I deserve more. | ||
| What I make is not enough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thieves. | |
| You ever steal anything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I got arrested stealing a candy bar when I was like 13, 12 or 13. They arrested you. | ||
| They wanted to teach you the hard way. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Not arrested. | ||
| I should say I got accosted by security personnel and brought into a room for interrogation. | ||
| It just made me feel bad because I was a stupid kid that thought I could steal a candy bar without anybody watching. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They had eyes on us the moment we came to the place. | ||
| I think I'd probably stolen a few candy bars and I had decided I was pretty good at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was so embarrassing. | ||
| So embarrassing. | ||
| So humiliating in front of my friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll never forget my friend Tom said this to me. | ||
| He goes, why'd you do that for? | ||
| He goes, did you do it for status? | ||
| I mean, that was what he said to me. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That was the question, you know, when we were 13. And I was like, what a weird, I didn't have an answer. | ||
| I'm like, what a weird question. | ||
| Like, why did I do it? | ||
| Like, I didn't have a clear answer. | ||
| I did it because I wanted a candy bar and I didn't have any money, for sure. | ||
| But also I did it because there was a thrill to try to steal that candy bar and get away with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I did it a couple times. | ||
| And I recognized there's a thrill and walking to a store pretending... | ||
| Just taking something and putting it in your pocket. | ||
| And this dude just came up and grabbed him by my arm. | ||
| I was like, oh no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't remember who he called or how I got out of it. | ||
| I just remember I gave the candy bar back and they kicked me out of there. | ||
| So it wasn't like I was exaggerating when I got arrested. | ||
| I don't even think he was a cop. | ||
| He was a security guard. | ||
| But I don't think there was real repercussions. | ||
| I don't even know if my parents found out about it. | ||
| I think I just got kicked out of there. | ||
| But they scared the shit out of me. | ||
| Do you remember what candy bar it was? | ||
| I think it was a Hershey's bar. | ||
| I think it was a... | ||
| That's all I'm getting in my head when I'm reaching back into my shitty memory. | ||
| Just a plain chocolate bar? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| That's what I liked. | ||
| I like the ones with almonds. | ||
| Oh yeah, those are good. | ||
| Those are good. | ||
| Hershey's with almonds. | ||
| I like them plain too though, dude. | ||
| Mr. Good Bar? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| That's Hershey's with peanuts. | ||
| It's pretty goddamn good. | ||
| Oh, Henry's pretty goddamn good, too. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| 100 grand? | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| Snickers overrated, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| What are you, a communist? | ||
| The nougat? | ||
| There's too much nougat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Jesus Christ, stop. | ||
| Anybody ever just raw dog go for nougat? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Straight up nougat bar? | ||
| Mike, that's a good point. | ||
| Milky Way fucking sucks because of nougat. | ||
| Too much nougat. | ||
| What's a nougat look like? | ||
| You ever seen nougat? | ||
| That white horse shit. | ||
| I know, but outside of a candy bar, you ever seen a nougat? | ||
| No. | ||
| What does nougat look like? | ||
| I don't know where you find it. | ||
| Where do you buy nougat? | ||
| How do you make it? | ||
| Is it real? | ||
| No one knows. | ||
| Did they make nougat up just to fucking validate the extra space in Snickers bars? | ||
| That's just some semi-sugary horse shit. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's not that good. | ||
| Nougat's just dead air. | ||
| By itself, it's terrible. | ||
| But if I had to choose, I would go Reese's Peanut Butter Cups over all those bitches. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| You can't beat them. | ||
| You can't beat it. | ||
| Just chocolate and peanut butter. | ||
| There's no wrong way to eat one. | ||
| What do you think nougat's made of? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Human shit. | ||
| Milk, malt. | ||
| It's like three ingredients. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One of them is sugar, so I'll let you have that one. | ||
| Sugar. | ||
| Eggs? | ||
| Sugar or honey, it says. | ||
| Eggs? | ||
| Whipped egg whites. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then there's one more thing in it, I guess. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| That's where the shit comes from. | ||
| It says nuts and or fruit. | ||
| Nuts and or fruit? | ||
| Yeah, what is nougat made of is what I'm looking at. | ||
| Nougat. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point on nougat. | ||
| Aerated whipped egg whites and boiled sugar syrup. | ||
| It just takes up space. | ||
| Makes your candy bar seem thicker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, you just got some good peanut butter and some good chocolate. | ||
| Can't mess it up. | ||
| You know, there's a dude who took all the peanut butter out of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. | ||
| They, like, surgically chopped up the peanut part and, like, tried to eat it as peanut butter and said it was terrible. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| It doesn't really taste like peanut butter. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, because if you think about it, when you're eating it, they call it peanut butter cup, but it's not really peanut butter. | ||
| It's something that's like peanut butter, but it doesn't taste like peanut butter. | ||
| Because, you know, it's like, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter. | ||
| Remember those old commercials? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They bump into each other in the street. | ||
| One guy was eating a chocolate bar, and the other guy was eating a peanut butter, and they would dip it in and start eating. | ||
| Hey, this is pretty damn good. | ||
| And they'd both be sharing it. | ||
| You ever seen these videos of the food surgeon where he's literally taking surgical tools and taking candy and cutting it apart like it's a surgery? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is called a transplant where he takes Oreo cream and puts it inside of a Reese's cup. | ||
| This guy for sure has killed people. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| This guy's Dexter all day. | ||
| I could see him doing that to someone's eyeballs while they're strapped to a table with a vice clamping their head down. | ||
| It cleans it all the way out as carefully as possible. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| And then he puts Reese's in there? | ||
| Or Oreos in there? | ||
| He covers it back up. | ||
| Oh, is it good? | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| He should say. | ||
| I want to hear if it's good. | ||
| Imagination. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I do enjoy chocolate and peanut butter though. | ||
| I really do enjoy the two of them together even more than I enjoy Reese's peanut butter cups. | ||
| I buy dark chocolate and I buy peanut butter and just scoop it up and just eat it. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Organic peanut butter is great but it's annoying because you got to fucking stir that shit. | ||
| You got to get that... | ||
| When you have real, regular peanut butter, that is the most annoying fucking thing before you eat it. | ||
| You're gonna spill it all over the table. | ||
| And what's the proper tool? | ||
| Has anybody ever figured out the proper tool for taking organic peanut butter and getting that shitty oil off the top of it and getting it into the peanut? | ||
| No. | ||
| Butter knife. | ||
| But that's not enough. | ||
| It's like the one thing that people do where there's no tool for or they desperately needs a tool. | ||
| Hey Shark Tank. | ||
| One of those Theraguns with like a thing on the bottom. | ||
| We need a, what's it called? | ||
| Accessory or attachment. | ||
| You need some kind of mixing device. | ||
| Some stabbing sort of mixing device. | ||
| But it's amazing that none exist. | ||
| Think of all the things that people do in the kitchen, right? | ||
| Can openers exist. | ||
| Blenders exist. | ||
| Whisks, they exist. | ||
| Pizza slicer. | ||
| So many things exist. | ||
| You can figure it out on your own. | ||
| I don't need a fucking pizza slicer. | ||
| Peanut butter mixer. | ||
| A peanut butter mixer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do these people mix their peanut butter? | ||
| Show me how. | ||
| What is the correct way to mix organic peanut butter? | ||
| I got a fun fact for you. | ||
| Oh, hit me with it. | ||
| 1963, the Hershey Company bought the Reese's Company from the brothers. | ||
| They're probably on Coke. | ||
| They're like, we're going to buy everybody! | ||
| It took less than six years for the Risa Cup to become their top seller, beating the fucking chocolate bar. | ||
| Of course it did. | ||
| In 50 years. | ||
| They got a fucking city named after it. | ||
| Listen, I'm not stupid. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| It's better than just plain chocolate. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But what's better than Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is dark chocolate and peanut butter. | ||
| An actual peanut butter. | ||
| Dipping it in there and chewing it together. | ||
| That's better. | ||
| My thing lately? | ||
| Olives. | ||
| Red wine. | ||
| Crazy olives. | ||
| Give me your craziest olives from around the world. | ||
| What's a crazy olive? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The fancy ones at the fancy stores. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| Kalamata? | ||
| Go to a fancy French market or your Whole Foods. | ||
| Go to the olive section. | ||
| Get a variety. | ||
| Bottle of red wine. | ||
| Good night, Irene. | ||
| That's your move? | ||
| The rest is history. | ||
| That's your move? | ||
| You're an olive and red wine guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what we're doing tonight? | ||
| We're going to have some olives and red wine? | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| I'll bring some olives. | ||
| I bought some today. | ||
| You bought olives today? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| This is destiny. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| This is full circle. | ||
| You should get an olive tree. | ||
| They have olive trees, you know? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Make your own olives. | ||
| That way you can... | ||
| I think it's a lengthy process. | ||
| Olive oil? | ||
| If you make olive oil... | ||
| Well, even olives themselves, like to eat the olives. | ||
| I think it's a long process. | ||
| I don't think it's like as simple as just like... | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I have no idea about the olive business. | ||
| Jamie has to pee. | ||
| He just left. | ||
| Some days I can't believe I don't have to pee yet. | ||
| I was going to say, when I was peeing, I was thinking to myself, like, there must be... | ||
| Because I pee pretty casually. | ||
| You and I are friends. | ||
| I know that we'll hang out again no matter what. | ||
| But most people that do this show, I'll bet you, I'll bet you, like, maybe 15 to 20% of all of your hours of show, the guest has had to pee. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's almost like hot ones, but it's like for peeing. | ||
| Because I realized during the Ross Perot part of this, I was really, and it happened last time I did it too, it's really hard to focus on anything. | ||
| When you have to pee. | ||
| When you really have to pee. | ||
| And before this show, also, for the listeners, you have to factor in, you know you're going to talk with Joe Rogan, so you drink water, and you drink coffee, and you want to get in the right mind space, and then... | ||
| Whiskey comes into the mix out of nowhere at one in the afternoon and your body tries to flush itself. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And then you have to pee most of the time. | ||
| Then you have to pee. | ||
| So imagine how bad the guest has to pee when they say they have to pee. | ||
| That's like final level. | ||
| They can't think. | ||
| They can't hear you anymore. | ||
| This is the look in your face. | ||
| Ready? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is you. | |
| Ready? | ||
| I heard a ringing in my ears at the end of it. | ||
| You got to a point where it's like, oh no. | ||
| There was a part where I was gonna bail out, but you were talking about something interesting, and I did the two-handed headphone grab, where you grab each ear for a second, but then I'm like, no. | ||
| Hang in there! | ||
| Hang in there! | ||
| We can wrap it up, man. | ||
| It's already 4.30. | ||
| We got a show tonight. | ||
| But I'm glad we did it. | ||
| Jamie had to pee, too? | ||
| It was burning, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
When he went, I had to go, and I was like, alright, I'll hold it. | |
| We're 30 minutes past three hours. | ||
| I can wait for hours now. | ||
| But sometimes I can't. | ||
| I'm not 100% consistent. | ||
| Sometimes I have to pee. | ||
| Like, in the middle of the show, I have to fucking pee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it depends on how much I pee through the day. | ||
| Like, the real problem is if I drink too much after a workout, like a lot of times I'll have a hard workout and then I'll drink like a couple of liters of water, and then I gotta pee for hours, like every hour, like every hour for hours. | ||
| So I might get here only an hour after I've done working out, and even though I haven't had much to drink during the show, I gotta pee again. | ||
| Like, fuck. | ||
| It definitely has a lot to do with your working out and how much you're sweating. | ||
| We golfed a couple months ago in 110 degree weather. | ||
| Where at? | ||
| In the valley, Woodland Hills, or Woodley Park, or Woodley Lakes. | ||
| Anyway, and they didn't have... | ||
| No, it was Encino Balboa. | ||
| Anyway, it doesn't matter. | ||
| They didn't have carts available when we went, so we all walked that day. | ||
| And it was like, again, a true 110 degrees. | ||
| Jimmy Schubert was out there fucking struggling. | ||
| Jimmy's got an artificial hip, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's out there sweating bullets. | ||
| I gave him his first liquid IV out there. | ||
| I shared some of mine with him. | ||
| It was like having a canteen in the desert. | ||
| There's a guy that went from limping to walking perfectly. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| There's a guy where medical science, like, remember he always has that hitch in his step? | ||
| Oh, it's unbelievable how hard he had that hitch. | ||
| You could see the bend in his leg. | ||
| And when I first met him in, like, whatever it was, like, 94, 95, something like that, he didn't have a limp at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Slowly over time, it got bad towards the end, and then all of a sudden he was gone. | ||
| I looked at him, I go, dude, you're not even limping. | ||
| He goes, yeah, I got it all fixed. | ||
| I got it all fucking up here and down there. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| But we didn't pee that day. | ||
| We noted that we didn't have to pee because we were sweating so much. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, if you sweat enough, you don't have to pee too much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if you're doing really hard cardio and sweating for long hours, I bet it's rare that you pee. | ||
| Dude, I'm so happy you're here. | ||
| Yeah, we live in Austin, Texas. | ||
| Cheers. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I'm so happy you moved out here, for real. | ||
| I'm happy Maura moving. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Segura's moving out here. | ||
| A lot of people are moving out here. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It's good to be free. | ||
| And when the clubs start opening and we get the scene happening out here, man, I think we could do some big shit. | ||
| And I think a big part of that is going to be Kill Tony. | ||
| And the reason why I think it is because I think Kill Tony is the best show that's ever existed in terms of putting potential talent into a compromising situation. | ||
| We're doing one minute You get your name drawn out of a hat. | ||
| You have no idea you're gonna go on stage until you're on stage. | ||
| You have professionals judging your act and mocking you. | ||
| You got Jeremiah in the crew and everybody's shenanigans and craziness. | ||
| It's a great fucking show, man. | ||
| And it's a show that is amazing for young talent. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's amazing for comics that get a chance to go up In that wild environment, and also it creates a community. | ||
| It creates a community of fans, and it created a community of people that do the show, and have been on the show, and the regulars of the show, and then they get a chance to be on other little shows. | ||
| It gives them a little bit of momentum. | ||
| It gives them a springboard. | ||
| And again, establishes the community. | ||
| Having Kill Tony here in Austin is going to be one of the big things to get the community going. | ||
| Because the community is not just Ron White and me and whoever else decides to come live here. | ||
| The community is the people coming up. | ||
| That's the big thing. | ||
| And the people coming up that have the same ethic that we have. | ||
| What's funny? | ||
| We're just trying to be funny. | ||
| We're just trying to be ridiculous. | ||
| And mock each other and mock everything and know that you're a part of an art form. | ||
| And it's an art form that's protected by the people that do it. | ||
| We know what you're doing. | ||
| We're not going to pretend you don't. | ||
| The people that do pretend you don't, they're doing a terrible disservice. | ||
| The people that are comics that pretend that someone really means something when they're saying something ridiculous, you're doing a terrible disservice to hilarious shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're cutting back on the chances that a person will take. | ||
| Comics need to be protected by other comics. | ||
| And in this time, I think it's very important that we reinforce that because this is the last frontier when it comes to saying wild shit. | ||
| Stand-up's the last frontier. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| And it's real important that we protect that. | ||
| It's real important we establish what that is. | ||
| It's not real cruelty. | ||
| It's not mean. | ||
| No, it's trying to be funny. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's trying to be funny. | ||
| Trying to be funny the way Kill Bill wasn't real violence. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's entertaining. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're trying to be funny. | ||
| They're entertaining. | ||
| John Wick's not really killing anybody, folks. | ||
| You can sleep tight knowing you didn't see any murders. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You saw a fun fucking movie, though. | ||
| It's the same thing with stand-up. | ||
| It's like, you gotta understand what we're doing. | ||
| And to pretend, because we're just talking, we just have a microphone, there's no special effects, no Uma Thurman doing fucking backflips. | ||
| To pretend... | ||
| Zoe Bell doing the backflips. | ||
| That's her stuntwoman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, is it? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| She's a freak stuntwoman. | ||
| Well, I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think Uma could do a back lip? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Not with a sword in her hand either, right? | ||
| Point is, welcome to Texas. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| We did it. | ||
| Tonight. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Tonight begins the first of our shows at Stubbs. | ||
| We're doing five of them here with Dave, and Dave's doing five of them on his own. | ||
| And then we get the ball rolling soon. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe, welcome to Texas. | ||
| Thanks, buddy. | ||
| Goodbye, everybody. |
Export Selection