Dec. 28, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:48:05
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
The Joe Rogan Experience. | |
| Train by day. | ||
| Joe Rogan Podcast by night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day. | |
| Yeah, his unwillingness to make money off of it, too, is interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Signal is... | ||
| You know, whenever someone new signs up at Signal, you get, like, this notification. | ||
| I've noticed that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so it's, like, flooding with all these people that I know that are now on Signal. | ||
| I'm like, wow. | ||
| It's gotten us, me, to re-evaluate privacy and everything. | ||
| You know, like, what is on my phone? | ||
| What are these... | ||
| When you go to that thing on the iPhone that says, you can use my location always or while using, it's crazy how many apps are just using your location. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, what's going to change... | ||
| By the way, this is Michael Kosta, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We're already rolling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great. | |
| Michael Kosta, you might know him from The Daily Show. | ||
| He's also a fabulous stand-up comedian. | ||
| I know him from the Comedy Store. | ||
| Please welcome Michael Kosta! | ||
| Thank you for having me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My pleasure, brother. | |
| This has been an exciting highlight for me to be sitting here with you and be on your podcast. | ||
| I can't believe what this thing has become, man. | ||
| Bizarre. | ||
| It must be crazy. | ||
| It's for you. | ||
| Well, this is what's bizarre about it. | ||
| It seems like it's just you and me talking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, it is just me and you talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, how many years have you been doing it? | ||
| 11. 11 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah, 11. It started in 2009. It's... | ||
| As a younger than you comic, you know, you look to the comics older than you and you say, who is doing what I want or creating something special that's unique to them? | ||
| And that's what I always try to do. | ||
| And then to see what you've made, this is nuts. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| Just dumb luck. | ||
| Dumb luck and persistence. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's a lot of it. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| I tell everybody. | ||
| Dumb luck and persistence. | ||
| And just working at it. | ||
| Conversations, there's a skill to it. | ||
| It doesn't seem like there's a skill to it, but there's a skill to it. | ||
| You realize, after you do a lot of podcasts, too, how bad a lot of people are, just regular folks are, at having conversations. | ||
| You see people just talking over each other. | ||
| You're like, Jesus, when you let him finish, and then you let her finish, like, fucking... | ||
| You guys just talk. | ||
| You just... | ||
| Clyde. | ||
| Some of the worst conversations I've ever had in my life are at that front bar at the comedy store. | ||
| Because it's always like the weirdest comics talking at you, never listening to your thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I would get so frustrated... | ||
| Growing up, my mom would do this game called the tennis ball game where we were very young and she would ask us a question. | ||
| She would say, hey, Michael, how was school today? | ||
| And she would hand me the ball or toss me the ball. | ||
| And then you had to answer and you couldn't give her the ball back until you asked her a question. | ||
| And this is like... | ||
| We're like six. | ||
| So I would say, today was good. | ||
| And then I would try to hand the ball back. | ||
| And she'd say, you can't hand me the ball back. | ||
| You didn't ask me anything. | ||
| And I'd say, do you like the weather today? | ||
| And I'd hand it to her. | ||
| And she trained us like zoo animals to do this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But it is funny because so much of my life now, what you mentioned earlier, no one knows how to talk. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I have a very good friend. | ||
| And she's very smart. | ||
| But her and her husband just... | ||
| Talk louder over each other! | ||
| And they don't listen. | ||
| And then one of them will walk off into the kitchen. | ||
| You're like, what in the fuck? | ||
| And if I try to have a conversation with them, if I'm in the middle of saying, well, I wonder if what it is... | ||
| They just start talking. | ||
| Like, they don't let anybody talk. | ||
| They just talk at you. | ||
| Was your home like a long-form conversation home? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like, why do you feel comfortable? | ||
| Marijuana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| Okay. | ||
| It's definitely marijuana. | ||
| Long stoner conversations. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You know, I used to do morning radio and I used to look forward to it in some markets, you know? | ||
| I think morning radio is like 8 out of 10 are just cool people that happen to be on the morning radio. | ||
| But then there's like the 2 out of 10 are people that wish they were comics. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| You know those. | ||
| Then they crush you when you do morning radio. | ||
| If you're not like killing, they're like, I'm better than that guy. | ||
| Yeah, they get dicky and they get weird with you. | ||
| Like, they're not friendly. | ||
| I did this one, and I don't want to say where it was, but the guy wouldn't even acknowledge that you were there until he did a bunch of other stuff while you're just sitting there. | ||
| So you're just sitting there in the stage, and he's talking about some stupid stuff they're doing outside on Applebee's. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We got five different people to try it out and no one could do it. | |
| And then finally, oh, so then we got a comedian is here. | ||
| He's playing at the blah, blah, blah. | ||
| It's Joe Rogan. | ||
| Hi, Joe. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| And you're like, why have I been here for 20 minutes just staring at you? | ||
| It's like a power trip. | ||
| I feel like they're... | ||
| Jealous or angry that you're working the road, even though it's not like the road comic is making tons of money that week or whatever, but for some reason, morning radio, Johnny Danger, bang, bang, bang, those guys seem mad about their life lots of times. | ||
| Some of them, yeah. | ||
| And then there's a few that are excellent and awesome. | ||
| Some are just cool people that happen to be doing that. | ||
| Most of them are cool people that just happen to be doing that. | ||
| But there's enough of those... | ||
| Well, it's just like when someone is in that sort of a position where they're the one who's promoting your show, you need them to promote your show. | ||
| So you get up, you go there, and they're the star, and everybody's getting them the pieces of paper, the stuff they have to say. | ||
| There's always some super young person, at least for me, when I walk in the studio, that has just Googled me. | ||
| I'm on air... | ||
| Now. | ||
| But they're literally like, okay, say this. | ||
| And also people forget, normally you woke up at 5 a.m. | ||
| the day before for the flight, you're waking up at 5 a.m. | ||
| the next day for morning radio, and then you normally have a 5 a.m. | ||
| flight the next Sunday or whatever. | ||
| So it's like, I'm not saying being a stand-up comic is hard, but... | ||
| The stage time is this awesome one-hour whatever, but all the other work is like 5 a.m., 5 a.m., 5 a.m. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it fucks up your rhythm, too, because your brain rhythm is off when you get up early in the morning a couple of days in a row, because you're used to doing sets till late at night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| If you do a late-night show, you're doing a 10 p.m. | ||
| show. | ||
| You're not out of there until 12.30. | ||
| You get back to your room. | ||
| You go to bed. | ||
| It's like 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, and then you have to get up at 5 to do radio. | ||
| It's like you're just wrecked. | ||
| And be excellent. | ||
| And then wake up and try to get some sleep. | ||
| And usually drink coffee to do radio. | ||
| And then you try to get some sleep. | ||
| Your rhythm's all fucked up. | ||
| The moment I had to stop doing radio, the road became infinitely better. | ||
| That was a direct result of doing podcasts. | ||
| Because once I started doing podcasts, I was selling out without going there. | ||
| Without having to do that, I'm like, oh, yeah. | ||
| And then they would try to get you to do it anyway. | ||
| We have a relationship with the radio station. | ||
| We would love it if you came in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you would promote the date on your podcast, so you would do what they were supposed to do for you. | ||
| You would do. | ||
| So then the club would ask me to do radio anyway. | ||
| They really would like you to come in. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm not getting up at 5 in the morning when I don't have to on a day where I have to do shows. | ||
| With a host that probably is a little pissed off at you for some reason. | ||
| Only the ones... | ||
| Well, there's some I had relationships with that I still did for a while, just because they're nice. | ||
| I just wanted to come in and say hi. | ||
| And I still... | ||
| There's some I miss. | ||
| I miss you. | ||
| I'm just not getting up for you. | ||
| Do some shit in the afternoon. | ||
| You know, I would... | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I would... | ||
| I talk... | ||
| Yeah, I would welcome a weekend on the road right now to do morning radio. | ||
| Here I am bitching about it, but I miss that, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, nothing seems to be open. | ||
| I know Texas has more things open, but... | ||
| And I haven't done stand-up. | ||
| We were talking earlier, I haven't done stand-up since the pandemic, but I'm hoping to feel what you felt when you first went back up there, because I have to reevaluate how much do I enjoy it if I've really enjoyed kind of not doing it right now. | ||
| I don't know if you had any of that. | ||
| I did enjoy not doing it. | ||
| I really enjoyed learning how to cook and having a meal at dinner. | ||
| I enjoyed space. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Space to do stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You enjoyed cooking? | ||
| You know, dinner always took on a different meaning for me when I had shows. | ||
| It was get fuel so you could not be passing out on stage. | ||
| Whether it was LA or New York, lots of times it was crappy food, get fuel in. | ||
| But now there's time to really think about dinner, you know? | ||
| Do I want to grill? | ||
| Do I want to make something... | ||
| And I enjoy... | ||
| I think it's a much healthier way to be. | ||
| No one has ever mistaken this profession of stand-up comedy with health. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I have appreciated the healthier part of that. | ||
| Doing these shows with Chappelle has made me wonder. | ||
| I wonder how viable it is to actually do a residency in a town like Austin and continue to do it for long stretches of time. | ||
| I don't know, because I kind of think you could put together an act out here. | ||
| We kind of were doing a residency in LA, right? | ||
| At the store? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's kind of what we did. | ||
| I mean, they had... | ||
| This amazingly strong lineup every single night. | ||
| And how often was it tourists in the audience? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| So people were coming to L.A. and it was becoming a destination, the Comedy Store. | ||
| From other countries. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| So, you know... | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And this is a great city, so of course you could do a residency. | ||
| I mean, this is also, isn't that how Las Vegas works? | ||
| You sign a residency deal for two years or whatever, and now you're care top at the Luxor forever? | ||
| So Dave and I did this month, and now we're going to do January, and we're even talking about doing February. | ||
| So we're kind of doing that right now. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And while it's happening, I'm like, okay. | ||
| And I was talking to Donnell about this, and we were like, we need a workout club. | ||
| And I'm like, we do need a workout club. | ||
| So now I'm looking at small clubs, and then I'm going to look at larger clubs, too. | ||
| And the idea is, get everything in a row, and then once the vaccines roll out, and once... | ||
| Treatments improve and they get to the point where it's not irresponsible to do an indoor show on a regular basis. | ||
| Right now we're doing outdoor. | ||
| It's an amphitheater. | ||
| Everybody's tested. | ||
| But people are still frustrated. | ||
| You're putting people at risk. | ||
| You're putting people at risk if you leave your fucking house. | ||
| Did you take a car? | ||
| When you were at the store, was that your workout spot? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's hard... | ||
| Because it would be packed, and many people there were fans of yours, and I'm not at the stage where I have 400 fans, and I'm like, you can't disappoint your fans, but also you've got to work your shit out. | ||
| You've got to be able to do both. | ||
| It's tricky, because you're going to eat shit on a few attempts. | ||
| front of your people that are rooting for you but I think they kind of understand what you're doing yeah you know one of the things that's cool is that they would keep coming back I had a friend of mine who came to see me multiple times and he was like dude one of the funnest things is watch like a new bit and then realize like oh one of these days that bits gonna be good and then coming back six months later and it's killer because you get to see the baby legs You get to see like Bambi on ice where it's like... | ||
| There's no balance. | ||
| You don't know where you're going with it. | ||
| But there's something there. | ||
| And if you... | ||
| I found, if I just stick with it, Yeah. | ||
| I didn't even consciously eliminate that line. | ||
| The survival of the fittest existed through my own joke. | ||
| But I remember I was passed at the Comedy Store in 2008, and you were gone at that point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I don't know, you know, I didn't see you there until whenever you came back. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| 2014. So for six years it was when I was passed. | ||
| It was different, man. | ||
| And you know that. | ||
| It was like three people some nights. | ||
| Monday night, three people. | ||
| And then it threw me off guard when it became the hot spot again. | ||
| It was great, though. | ||
| It was great when you came back and it was like, Rogan's back, Rogan's back. | ||
| And I was kind of like, so what? | ||
| There's a lot of great comics here, so what? | ||
| And then you kind of see, oh, it's Tuesday night. | ||
| So that was awesome. | ||
| It was fun to be a part of. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| It was fun to see. | ||
| I remember there was one time I was on stage in Chicago, and this was like maybe 2012, and And I said, I was at the Chicago Theater. | ||
| It sold out. | ||
| It's like 3,700 people. | ||
| I go, I had this bit that I was doing. | ||
| I go, how many of you guys listen to the podcast? | ||
| And this fucking roar. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| It was, yeah. | ||
| And I went... | ||
| I remember thinking, oh, shit. | ||
| I didn't expect that. | ||
| I expected, yeah, a few people. | ||
| 20% of the people. | ||
| Whatever the number was. | ||
| And then I remember thinking, oh, wow. | ||
| This is kind of crazy. | ||
| I don't have to do morning radio now. | ||
| I don't pay attention to much. | ||
| I try to not pay attention. | ||
| I try to just do what I do, and I try to figure out a way to use my time wisely. | ||
| And the best way to use my time wisely is to not read anything about me, not read any comments. | ||
| So then things happen, and you're not aware they're happening. | ||
| And so that's kind of what happened with the podcast. | ||
| Which is probably good. | ||
| It's the only way you could do it and not go crazy. | ||
| Not go crazy, right. | ||
| Everybody goes crazy. | ||
| You meet any famous person, they're insane. | ||
| And is that because there's nobody giving him honesty? | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| It's just the pressure of all these other people's opinions. | ||
| One of the things about Chappelle that's fascinating is he doesn't use any social media. | ||
| He doesn't use anything. | ||
| You know, he consumes, right? | ||
| Like, he'll go on YouTube and watch videos. | ||
| He's interested in things, but he doesn't fuck around with anything that has anything to do with him. | ||
| And he doesn't post things. | ||
| He's not showing you his life. | ||
| But he's got accounts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got logins. | ||
| He's only got one, and he recently started it. | ||
| It was for... | ||
| Instagram to let people know that HBO Max was using the Chappelle show and he wasn't getting paid for it. | ||
| And that worked. | ||
| So they pulled it off of Netflix and they pulled it off of HBO Max now. | ||
| That's wild, huh? | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| Who the fuck can do that? | ||
| I mean, that to me was... | ||
| I mean, I get tweets because I work on Comedy Central. | ||
| I get tweets like, I don't support you because you guys haven't paid Chappelle. | ||
| As if I have any fucking thing to do with this, right? | ||
| It's like Twitter people attacking me. | ||
| It's like when people attack me because I was playing a club that Louis had played that week or something. | ||
| It's like, do you think I own Levity Live in West Nyack, New York? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I was just thinking, what talent like Chappelle can just say, pull this off, and they pull it off? | ||
| I love that he just moved to Ohio out of the whole deal. | ||
| Well, he's been in Ohio for a long time. | ||
| As a Michigander, I'm like, wait, you can have a career in showbiz? | ||
| And this is what's fascinating about what's happening right now. | ||
| You guys can have a career in showbiz and not be in New York and L.A.? Yeah. | ||
| Well, he did it on purpose because he wants to be in a place where people are normal. | ||
| He lives in a small town. | ||
| He knows everybody at his grocery store. | ||
| He knows everybody at the coffee shop. | ||
| And he's like a normal resident of the community. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And he's taking a number asking for sliced turkey breast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And some woman's like, that's one of the greatest stand-up comics ever. | |
| He lives right down the street. | ||
| He lives on a farm. | ||
| He's a fascinating character. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I love hanging out with him. | ||
| He's just so fascinating. | ||
| Comics always say that, to know him and interact with him. | ||
| And that's awesome. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He's always been great, too. | ||
| I met him when he was 19. So did he not then get really well paid from the Chappelle show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He must have. | |
| No, he didn't. | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| Well, he walked away from a big chunk of money, right? | ||
| And that thing that he walked away from... | ||
| I was dealing with the same people at Comedy Central at the time, because that's when Stan Hope and I were doing... | ||
| The Man Show? | ||
| The Man Show. | ||
| And it was rough. | ||
| There was a bunch of people that were not comedians, and they were not creative, but they wanted to put all this creative input into the show, particularly because they had the chance to put their greasy little fingers all over it because Adam and Jimmy had left, and then they're like, okay, now we're going to mold this into what we want. | ||
| And they gave us... | ||
| It was the bait and switch. | ||
| They told us, do whatever you want. | ||
| Swear, we'll beep it out. | ||
| Show nudity, we'll blur it out. | ||
| Go wild. | ||
| We want to get in trouble. | ||
| They were like, if we get sued, it'd be great for the show. | ||
| And Stanhope and I were like, let's party! | ||
| Wrong two guys to say that to. | ||
| And then they got fearful of it. | ||
| Very. | ||
| Well, here was one of them. | ||
| There was a time, and I think this is available. | ||
| We wound up using this, actually, and it actually wound up being a part of the promo. | ||
| There was a time where we were doing these intros, and I said, I want the intro to be when the doors bust open, Joey Diaz comes out, balls naked in a pair of Timberlands with a baseball hat on, and he yells out, let's get this party started! | ||
| And he starts dancing, and he goes, Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope, and he introduces us, and one of the ladies that was an executive was literally in tears. | ||
| She goes, how is that funny? | ||
| Oh, not tears laughing. | ||
| When we were explaining, this is what I want to do, she goes, how is that man show? | ||
| How is that funny? | ||
| I go, how is it not funny? | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| This is Joey Diaz. | ||
| He's a human cartoon. | ||
| But they were so opposed to him and so opposed to him being on the show and introducing us naked. | ||
| So I said, let's do two different ways. | ||
| We'll do it the normal way first, and then we'll do it my way. | ||
| So we filmed two. | ||
| Here it is, right here. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So we do it the normal way. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| You know, ladies and gentlemen, Joe Rogan does stand up. | ||
| Great. | ||
| And then we do the second one. | ||
| People are literally falling out of their chairs, screaming. | ||
| Joey's dancing. | ||
| And I turn to her and I go like this. | ||
| See? | ||
| She stormed off. | ||
| I was going to say, she's pissed off. | ||
| But she stormed off. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| In my experience... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Start it from the beginning and give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Hey, watch this. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Look at him! | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Anyway, so... | ||
| But anytime talent is arguing about what is and isn't funny, you're already in trouble. | ||
| Well, yeah, you gotta leave people alone. | ||
| You gotta let the funny people trust their instincts. | ||
| Well, not even just... | ||
| This podcast I would have never been able to do if I had to talk to executives. | ||
| I would have never been able to interview the more controversial people. | ||
| I would have never been able to do 60% of it stoned out of my mind, literally not knowing what I'm saying while I'm saying it. | ||
| They would have never allowed it. | ||
| But that's what made it work, because it was so unproduced. | ||
| Everybody always told me everything has to be under three minutes when the internet came out, right? | ||
| It was like, you better do under three minutes. | ||
| It was like, and then if you've listened to all that, that's what's so funny about this. | ||
| You know, I look at some of your episodes, like three and a half hours, and I'm like, this is fun. | ||
| And Hamilton was talking about it when he was on, too. | ||
| That long form, now people are gravitating towards these long conversations. | ||
| There's nuance, there's subtlety, because we're getting so angry at everything just being 40 words, headline, da-da-da-da-da-da, click, click, click. | ||
| So what do we take from that? | ||
| To just trust our own instincts and follow what we want to do? | ||
| Yeah, you have to trust your own instincts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also, there was no idea of this being profitable when I started doing it. | ||
| When I first started doing it, I just did it because it was fun. | ||
| Because I like doing morning radio sometimes. | ||
| And I was like, why don't I just do an internet version of morning radio? | ||
| I'm like, no one's going to give me a fucking radio show ever. | ||
| And I actually had some conversations with Sirius and some other people about doing something. | ||
| But I was like... | ||
| This is going to be too many greasy fingers. | ||
| So let me just do this with my friends and just have fun. | ||
| Because that's all I need out of it. | ||
| Just have fun. | ||
| And Ari was one of the first people like, you've got to edit it. | ||
| He was like, you have to edit it. | ||
| No one wants to listen to that. | ||
| I go, I'm not editing it. | ||
| And I ride him into the ground about this today. | ||
| He's like, you've got to make it under an hour. | ||
| I go, no I don't. | ||
| He goes, well they're not going to listen. | ||
| I go, they don't have to listen. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Listener, don't listen. | ||
| You have to just trust your instincts. | ||
| And just do what you enjoy doing. | ||
| But don't do it You don't plan like, oh, if I do this, it'll be more profitable or more successful. | ||
| Just do what you want to do. | ||
| But that's... | ||
| What you just said is a trap I fall into, and I think maybe other comics do. | ||
| I will sometimes... | ||
| Think, well, this would be good for this down the line. | ||
| But really, I'm repeating what you said just so I can make sure I absorb it. | ||
| What gets me excited? | ||
| Why did I get into comedy? | ||
| And if I can follow that, that passion and enthusiasm will translate to whatever projects I do, right? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Okay, we solved it. | ||
| People get... | ||
| Enthusiastic about things you're enthusiastic about. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's contagious. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if you, like, you used to be a professional tennis player. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If you just did a podcast on tennis, people who are not interested in playing tennis would listen to your podcast. | ||
| I have it. | ||
| It's called Tennis Anyone Podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you? | |
| Yeah, but it's okay. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| Perfect plug. | ||
| Half the time we go tennis, half the time it's other stuff. | ||
| But people chime in, this is proving your point, all the time. | ||
| Like, I don't even know what tennis is. | ||
| I don't even know how to keep score. | ||
| I'm enjoying listening to this, because I'm, like, fucking amped about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know? | ||
| But I have to constantly learn the hard way. | ||
| Just, Michael, follow your passion and trust your instincts. | ||
| And... | ||
| It seems to work. | ||
| It's a trap, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The trap of not doing that is the trap of you get enticed by the industry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You start thinking about, maybe I can sell this show. | ||
| And then you bring it into a network. | ||
| And they go, well, tell us what's going on. | ||
| What's the project? | ||
| What are you working on? | ||
| And you say this. | ||
| And they go, why don't you do this? | ||
| Michael, okay, what if I have a female co-host? | ||
| A black transgender woman... | ||
| Who only speaks Chinese. | ||
| There's going to be some fucking nonsensical interjection. | ||
| And you're going to think, well, I want to sell it. | ||
| So, you know, I met with the black transgender woman and she's really cool. | ||
| Nothing against her. | ||
| She is a great piece of talent. | ||
| But now you're out. | ||
| And then, Michael, the show's great, but it's not great with you. | ||
| And we're going to bring in another person to... | ||
| I forget one year in Montreal, Louis Black gave the introduction speech, and he told the story of when he was removed from his own sitcom. | ||
| And I forget the whole thing, and I'm sure it's up somewhere. | ||
| But yeah, he got the development deal, and they actually were shooting it. | ||
| Most people just get a development deal, and that's it. | ||
| And he got fired, and they hired someone else to play Louis Black. | ||
| I mean, it's Louis Black. | ||
| He was fired off of Louis Black. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I've pitched all types of stuff, and oftentimes, I'm hosting it, of course. | ||
| That's why I'm in the room. | ||
| Oftentimes, there will be an inevitable question that will either come through the manager or back channels, which is like, would Michael feel comfortable stepping off this? | ||
| It's like all the time. | ||
| And you start to question if maybe I should step off it. | ||
| And it's like, no, fuck, believe in it. | ||
| Believe in yourself to pull this off. | ||
| Maybe now isn't the right time, but... | ||
| There's also a thing where we're talking about people like to interject in conversations because they want to be heard and they want to talk. | ||
| There's a thing that happens in a meeting when you have a bunch of executives like that. | ||
| Someone has another idea. | ||
| And that idea might not even make sense. | ||
| But if that guy's like the president of the network, he might try to shove that idea down everybody's throats. | ||
| Like, Michael's great, okay? | ||
| But we want Michael in a television in the background and the other host in front. | ||
| And every now and then they call on Michael and everybody's got to go, hmm. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| Like, it's a terrible idea. | ||
| It's a terrible idea. | ||
| But everybody else has to chime in. | ||
| I've been in the room with those fucking terrible ideas. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| So are you just out of those dumb meetings right now? | ||
| I mean, because of Texas and because of the status? | ||
| You don't have to fucking go pitch the head of a network, right? | ||
| No, I'm done. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I've been done for years. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Yeah, I've been done for years. | ||
| So what happened with this then? | ||
| So who won the argument here? | ||
| Oh, that made it on TV. Okay, so you won, but then you won the battle. | ||
| It was one of those things where... | ||
| We were doing this all the time. | ||
| We had a game show called Make Me Hard. | ||
| This was the game show. | ||
| We had a box that you put over a guy's genitals and had a red light on it. | ||
| And the light would go off whenever he got a boner. | ||
| So we would have stuff like... | ||
| We had midgets eating bananas and all kinds of crazy stuff. | ||
| A light would go off if they got a boner. | ||
| If they got a boner. | ||
| It was fake. | ||
| We just pressed a button to make the light go off. | ||
| We had a transgender woman who is beautiful. | ||
| She's fucking beautiful. | ||
| And she climbed on top of this guy, pulled out her breasts, and put whipped cream on her breasts, and he was sucking off the whipped cream. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And then pulled down her pants and showed her cock. | ||
| And they were fine with that. | ||
| But what they didn't like is the word hard. | ||
| They felt like the word hard is just rude, and they didn't like it. | ||
| So they made us change it to make me stiff. | ||
| So I was like, but stiff is, that's more offensive than hard. | ||
| It's grosser than hard. | ||
| It's stiff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, make me hard is bad. | ||
| But it's that kind of arbitrary, nonsensical input that you have to give in to. | ||
| Because they're the exact... | ||
| You have to give in... | ||
| And also, no one says, make me stiff. | ||
| Make me hard, people say. | ||
| The old sign, make me hard, was in the background of episode one of the podcast that I did. | ||
| I had it behind me and Brian while we were talking. | ||
| There was a make me hard sign behind me. | ||
| Because I got to keep it. | ||
| They wouldn't use it. | ||
| But the fact that they're okay with this person pulling their dick out, that's fine. | ||
| Yeah, but not the terminology. | ||
| Or they want to feel that they had input. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| There's too many cooks in the kitchen. | ||
| There's too many people that want to be heard, and they don't need to be heard. | ||
| They don't have the confidence to sit back and go, we love it. | ||
| This is great. | ||
| Because they have to have an input. | ||
| And this is the problem with the whole studio and network environment. | ||
| And for the longest time, you had to listen to them. | ||
| Because you needed financing. | ||
| You needed a place to go. | ||
| You needed the union to be there with the cameras and everything. | ||
| But you don't need that anymore. | ||
| Especially if you want to do this. | ||
| And this is my favorite thing to do. | ||
| Other than stand-up. | ||
| So why am I having meetings? | ||
| To be yelled at? | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| The internet has made... | ||
| GarageBand has made a lot of people be able to upload their music. | ||
| It also means there's a lot more shittier music that's uploaded. | ||
| This includes comedy. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think about... | ||
| I see comics now starting, maybe not this year starting, although there are some people who started. | ||
| As soon as they get their first tape of them on a club, they upload it. | ||
| You know, it's like they've been doing it six months and now it's on YouTube. | ||
| And I probably would have done that. | ||
| But you couldn't even do that when I started. | ||
| It was whatever, you know, 2003 or 2004. | ||
| So it is a, I had five years probably where you could really put something on the internet. | ||
| And I had five years to get better without people seeing that. | ||
| And it was helpful. | ||
| Yeah, I had a long time. | ||
| You had a long fucking time. | ||
| I started in 88, so I had a long time. | ||
| But there's still videos of me when I was terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| You can find them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I encourage people to look at those because if you're thinking about doing stand-up and you think like, oh, you look at a person that's successful and they're touring and everything. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Go back to the early days. | ||
| It's a fucking wild grind. | ||
| Like what you're talking about when you're talking about developing a new bit and doing it in front of a large crowd that's there to see you and they paid money, how nerve-wracking that is because it's a new bit and a lot of times new bits bomb. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Add that times 100, that's your whole act, right? | ||
| Times 100 is like developing an act when you don't know what you're doing even. | ||
| I mean, you don't even have skill yet. | ||
| You don't know cadence. | ||
| You don't know rhythm. | ||
| You don't know the right way to introduce an idea to people. | ||
| You just have some random thoughts of what might be funny and might not be, and it's this long... | ||
| Brutal trudge through broken glass and snow and hail. | ||
| And you've got to persevere. | ||
| You've got to keep going. | ||
| And the bombings are so ruthlessly degrading your self-esteem, who you are. | ||
| It's... | ||
| Musicians can bomb, but there's still noise in the room. | ||
| We've all been to a shitty bar in Asheville, and this guy sucks at fucking the guitar. | ||
| But there's noise! | ||
| There is noise to distract. | ||
| And when we bomb, it sucks. | ||
| It's the sucking of the noise. | ||
| And oftentimes... | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Sweat. | ||
| Everyone's talking about flop sweat. | ||
| But I remember starting out not being comfortable with silence. | ||
| Doesn't mean you were bombing. | ||
| Now I watch better comics... | ||
| More experienced comics, silence is fine, as long as they're in control of that silence. | ||
| And I remember as a new comic, silence was like the death for me. | ||
| And as I've gotten more comfortable on stage, hey, it's good. | ||
| You got them silent. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Well, don't you think it's like tennis in a way? | ||
| The first time you ever picked up a tennis racket, I imagine you were very young, right? | ||
| Very young, yeah. | ||
| Any skill, when you first learn it, you don't know what the fuck to do. | ||
| Your feet don't move right. | ||
| Your arm doesn't swing right. | ||
| Your... | ||
| I'm sure your swing isn't smooth. | ||
| It's just like anything else. | ||
| It takes repetition and concentration and focus and discipline, and you've got to keep grinding over and over and over again. | ||
| And then you get okay, good, and you go play a competitive tournament, and you lose 6-0, 6-0. | ||
| I mean, there's a wonderful interview of Roger Federer talking about his first tournament, 6-0, 6-0, lost. | ||
| I mean, the greatest tennis player of all time is admitting publicly, and he's not ashamed of it, he shouldn't be, Oh yeah, he goes, but then I took something from that. | ||
| I learned from that. | ||
| And I've also taught tennis forever, but one of the most common mistakes people make when you teach them tennis is they run to where the ball bounces, right? | ||
| You're not going to hit the ball there. | ||
| The ball bounces and then you should be further back. | ||
| But the biggest mistake everyone makes is they run directly to the ball. | ||
| It sounds funny, but in every sport, you should be more or less where the ball bounces, but not in tennis. | ||
| You need to have it bounce and wait for it. | ||
| So you learn just this little tiny thing like that makes the biggest difference, and then you can get better. | ||
| But you fail. | ||
| You fail all day long. | ||
| I mean, tennis, fail. | ||
| You can be one of the greatest tennis players in the world. | ||
| You can play 40 tournaments a year, and you lose every single week. | ||
| Maybe you win a tournament, one tournament. | ||
| You lose all the fucking time. | ||
| So you better get used to that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you better be tough enough to advance through it. | ||
| And I think that really helped me with comedy, because I've transitioned over to comedy, and it's like, oh, fuck, I failed. | ||
| Am I going to cry to myself for three days? | ||
| I want to. | ||
| It feels that personal. | ||
| Or do we got to get back out there? | ||
| I use you as an example of people that were successful in other things and understand discipline better than most stand-ups. | ||
| Because one of the things that does trouble stand-ups is that discipline. | ||
| They like doing it, they enjoy doing stand-up, but a lot of times they wind up doing the same material over and over again because it's safe. | ||
| And because they don't have the discipline to like, oh no, no, today we're doing 10 minutes of new shit, get up there, do it, write, grind, keep going. | ||
| And people that have a work ethic and an understanding of discipline from something else, like it transfers better into stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| But the ego is strong. | ||
| And sometimes I'll have 10 minutes I want to do that's new and you get up there and it's like, oh shit, this sucks. | ||
| And you find yourself doing a bit that's four years old and I know does well. | ||
| I just don't see the negative of teaching kids... | ||
| A sport. | ||
| Now, if the kid doesn't like the sport, you're pushing him into something they don't like. | ||
| But I just had so much value came from... | ||
| For me, it was tennis because my family was a tennis family. | ||
| So that's the sport that I was thrown into. | ||
| And we lived in Michigan where there was courts. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| Now I live in Brooklyn. | ||
| There's like one court for 8 million people. | ||
| But you just learn so much. | ||
| Problem-solving. | ||
| Disappointment? | ||
| That's a big thing. | ||
| How to handle it? | ||
| It's not the end of the world. | ||
| It feels like it is. | ||
| But I just say put kids in sports. | ||
| And also we're talking now about public health. | ||
| I mean, we have a public health crisis in the United States. | ||
| Maybe we should be more active. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, you don't want to blame people that are the victims of a disease, right? | ||
| But the victims of the disease generally are people with health problems. | ||
| 2.6... | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| 2... | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| 2.6 comorbidity factors is the average of the people that have died from COVID. Yeah. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| The amount of people that had COVID, only 6% of the people who died from COVID had COVID. Oh, right. | ||
| Just COVID. Okay. | ||
| Only COVID. The rest of the people that died had an average of two and a half, basically, comorbidity factors. | ||
| So they had diabetes, they had this, they had that, they had lung disease. | ||
| I mean, we have a real public health crisis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's a public health crisis added with capitalism. | ||
| And that is causing some serious issues because this is a capitalistic country. | ||
| We value the dollar. | ||
| We value business being open. | ||
| I'm so impressed with how businesses have adapted and Comics have adapted through social media, learning new... | ||
| I, weirdly, may get in trouble for this, but I have a newfound appreciation for capitalism. | ||
| I see these small businesses in Brooklyn, and they're building outdoor heaters and planters, and I'm like, whoa, this is fucking awesome. | ||
| This is what capitalism is driving. | ||
| Now, also that love of capitalism is our making people say, we can't shut the government, we can't shut things down. | ||
| And you mix that with public health... | ||
| I hope the end is near. | ||
| I hope it's near. | ||
| I'll take the vaccine. | ||
| The light at the end of the tunnel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I said 2.6%. | ||
| I think what I meant is 2.6. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 2.6 factors. | ||
| What you're trying to say is people are dying from other shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're dying from a bunch of different things on top of having COVID. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that... | ||
| The real problem is these folks that are telling everyone what they can and can't do, and it's not necessarily based on data. | ||
| It's based on they have to figure out how to do something. | ||
| So like in Los Angeles, they're saying we've got to ban outdoor dining. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, there's no data that shows that there's an extreme risk of transmission from outdoor dining. | ||
| And you have these people that have spent thousands of dollars setting up this outdoor dining area. | ||
| Did you see the video of the woman from the restaurant? | ||
| And then across the street from her, she gets closed down. | ||
| And literally across the parking lot, a movie studio has set up their outdoor dining. | ||
| And they're fine because of the unions that pay the politicians. | ||
| It's insanity. | ||
| And that woman, you know... | ||
| That's not P.F. Chang's. | ||
| That's this one woman. | ||
| Yeah, it's her savings account. | ||
| I've just kept in touch with a lot of the New York comedy clubs during this time because these are my friends and their business. | ||
| And I say, jokingly, you have any savings left? | ||
| And they're going, no. | ||
| First of all, what savings? | ||
| We live in New York. | ||
| No one has any fucking savings. | ||
| How are the comics getting by if they're not working? | ||
| Some are doing Zoom shows for $20, and there's a few outdoor shows. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have this insane protective bubble right now because The Daily Show has continued. | ||
| And so I'm receiving, thankfully, a TV paycheck. | ||
| And I'm a stand-up comic, but I'm not performing because I think it's too dangerous to perform where I live. | ||
| I think we're going to lose some comics. | ||
| How the fuck could you possibly stay afloat right now? | ||
| Well, I mean, just because they go and get a job. | ||
| But here's the other thing. | ||
| What job? | ||
| What's available? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What are you going to go to? | ||
| Wait tables? | ||
| Where? | ||
| Well, it's like 30% unemployment out there. | ||
| It's really crazy. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what jobs are even possible. | ||
| It's a grind, man, but what you said really holds true, that the people that are creative that find solutions to keep their businesses afloat. | ||
| And I think a lot of these comics are going to have to find solutions. | ||
| I mean, some of them have done a brilliant job, like Andrew Schultz. | ||
| What he's done is figured it out. | ||
| He came up with these bits to do on Instagram, these 15-minute rants. | ||
| He had already had a studio. | ||
| He had everything set up before COVID hit. | ||
| He's like, fuck, what do I do? | ||
| Well, we go to work. | ||
| We go to work and figure out how to make this happen. | ||
| He sold a show during quarantine that he created during quarantine. | ||
| And what's really hilarious is he talked about it at the beginning of quarantine. | ||
| This is a time to create. | ||
| Buckle down. | ||
| Go to work. | ||
| And now, look, he sold this four-episode series to Netflix. | ||
| And it's brilliant. | ||
| I mean, it's really, really good. | ||
| I think that's a great example of adapting to the times. | ||
| Also, some people needed to maybe chill for a sec, have dinner with their family, whatever the case may be. | ||
| But I don't know how it was in China. | ||
| In Wuhan, were all the businesses doing the same thing? | ||
| Were they building little heaters and potted plants so you could have outdoor dining? | ||
| Or was this a capitalistic thing? | ||
| I think the government shut them the fuck down. | ||
| I mean, they were bolting people inside their houses. | ||
| With, like, the evidence tape across the door and shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| I mean, the way they handled it is scary. | ||
| I don't think we should handle it the way they handled it, but even that didn't necessarily work. | ||
| I mean, didn't they have another surge? | ||
| Like, one of the things they were pointing to, like Japan, they were pointing to Japan as being a virus success story. | ||
| Like, they just social distancing, they wore their masks, went back to work, and everybody's fine. | ||
| Not true. | ||
| They have a huge surge there right now. | ||
| The problem is this virus is weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I don't think there's a real way that you can contain it. | ||
| Los Angeles contained it in terms of, like, the strictness of their lockdowns, but more than anybody, right? | ||
| They were stricter than anybody. | ||
| They have the most cases now. | ||
| They're fucked. | ||
| I know, you were saying that, and it seems like it affects everybody differently. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ask a doctor a question... | ||
| You know, they don't know the answer. | ||
| Isn't our human brain trying to find patterns so we can go, okay, that's what this sickness is, but this thing seems to be all over the place? | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't have good patterns. | ||
| And it affects people very differently in terms of what it does to them. | ||
| Some people, it's like a sinus infection. | ||
| Some people, it really knocks them for a loop. | ||
| Some people don't recover and they die. | ||
| There's no pattern that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We understand the flu is dangerous. | ||
| It kills people. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| But we also understand what to do. | ||
| Get a flu shot. | ||
| Boost your immune system. | ||
| Here's some medication you can take. | ||
| With this, this is so new and so scary. | ||
| That no one knows what to do. | ||
| I tried to find comfort in reading about the pandemic of 1918, the Spanish flu, because that was supposedly two years. | ||
| And I was like, okay, well, how did we get through that? | ||
| Did the economy recover? | ||
| You know, I was trying to, like, use history as a way to predict the future. | ||
| But when you read about it, at least the Wikipedia page of the pandemic of 1918, we never really fixed it. | ||
| It, like... | ||
| Possibly is still around, that virus. | ||
| And I thought, oh, maybe a vaccine fixed it. | ||
| No, it didn't. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck happened to the Spanish flu. | ||
| Was it herd immunity? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| It's estimated that that's killed like 50 million people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I hope 100 years later, we're better at this stuff. | ||
| Never really ended. | ||
| After affecting millions of people worldwide, the 1918 flu strain shifted and then stuck around. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| Well, there's a new version. | ||
| That's December 11th. | ||
| It's a software update. | ||
| There's a new version of COVID that's hit London now. | ||
| It's 70% more transmittable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Fun times. | ||
| What we know and what we don't about the UK coronavirus variant. | ||
| And they think there might have been a similar variant or the same variant in Brazil a few months ago. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| So do we live in fear? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We just shit our pants and hide. | ||
| Or you fucking take care of your immune system and you allow people to open up businesses. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| These people that are making these decisions for us, like the mayor of LA and the governor of California, which is the worst examples. | ||
| They are not experts in the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do because what they've done has worked terribly. | ||
| It's been the worst response. | ||
| And I don't think you can do something and not have a consideration for the consequences, the negative consequences of what you're doing. | ||
| Like telling people they can't work and shut down their businesses. | ||
| When the economy collapses because all these things are shut down, And yet you still don't have a significant decrease in the cases. | ||
| What you're showing is you have this one idea, you're sticking with it, and there's no indication that you have any respect for the negative consequences. | ||
| Not only that, you don't have a plan. | ||
| How are you going to bring everybody back up? | ||
| How are you going to bring back these restaurants? | ||
| What are you going to do about these comedy clubs that are dead? | ||
| What are you going to do about these bars that are going under? | ||
| What are you going to do about these mom-and-pop shops that are never going to be around anymore? | ||
| I don't know how it is in your life but in my life numerous friends of mine in what appeared to be healthy strong relationships They're fucking toast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, pandemic has divorced a lot of people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Domestic violence is up. | ||
| Suicide's up. | ||
| Suicides are up. | ||
| So there is a different consequence to all this. | ||
| Now, I also find it entertaining that we elect these officials, and then now they have to be in charge of a health crisis. | ||
| I would much rather we elect them off of popularity or whatever it is, and then when a health crisis strikes, we have a health minister who kind of comes in and just, like, The problem with these health ministers is in a situation like this, they don't even take into account the economic consequences. | ||
| And that the economic consequences are also going to bring with them suicide, drug addiction, domestic violence, child abuse. | ||
| All those things are going to happen. | ||
| And they don't take into account that. | ||
| They take into account the health consequences. | ||
| And here's the other thing. | ||
| These governors and these mayors that shut everything down still get paid. | ||
| That's a real problem. | ||
| They are not incentivized to keep businesses open. | ||
| If they were the CEO of a company where the more money the company makes, the more money they make, they would be incentivized to make sure these businesses stay open and these people can keep paying taxes. | ||
| These fucks keep getting paid no matter what happens. | ||
| But they have a term limit. | ||
| They do. | ||
| By the time Newsome gets out, he will have destroyed that state. | ||
| And also destroyed people's faith in government. | ||
| Because people are so frustrated with him. | ||
| And then you see him at that French laundry place, sitting around maskless, right next to people, indoors. | ||
| Oh, it was outdoor dining. | ||
| Bitch, there's a chandelier above your fucking head. | ||
| Not stars. | ||
| There's not stars above your head. | ||
| There's walls. | ||
| Yeah, there's walls. | ||
| That's indoors. | ||
| I don't want to hear your bullshit. | ||
| You are a hypocrite. | ||
| And this is nonsense. | ||
| You should not be getting paid. | ||
| If you let your economy collapse due to these decisions that are not based on science, like particularly outdoor dining, that's not based on science. | ||
| There's no data. | ||
| They can't show we have overwhelming data that 50% of the transmissions are due to people eating outside. | ||
| That's not the case. | ||
| So we are fortunate in LA that you have very good weather. | ||
| So keep the fucking restaurants open that can open outside, help them, accommodate them, give them some sort of a bridge to let them get through this so that on the other side, after the vaccines and after herd immunity or whatever happens, these people will still have businesses. | ||
| In LA, were they letting people set up out on the streets? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay, that's good. | ||
| They did it in a lot of places. | ||
| Okay, I noticed... | ||
| Venice was really good at it. | ||
| Okay, I noticed that here, but I feel like that here is always the case. | ||
| Here you could go inside. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| In New York, I mean... | ||
| You were able to go on the street, but the problem is everybody's such a dumbass there. | ||
| I was afraid to eat on the street because the car's driving by. | ||
| Everybody's texting and drunk. | ||
| They're going to plow into people, dude. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I mean, I'm like terrified. | ||
| I'm like eating like, is that a car? | ||
| Is that a motorcycle? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about when the snow comes and then people start sliding sideways? | ||
| Plow into a fucking cafe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's no heaters. | ||
| You know, there's an example of a restaurant owner who said, I'm now more of a outdoor general contractor than a restaurant owner because all I spend my time doing is finding propane for the heaters, asking someone to build potted plants. | ||
| We need more reflective lights on the outside. | ||
| This is like general contractor shit. | ||
| Meanwhile, not like, is the shrimp cooked or whatever? | ||
| Do we have shrimp? | ||
| And I was like, you got to adapt so hard in New York. | ||
| So quickly. | ||
| So anyways. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| But some will adapt and hopefully... | ||
| I just don't understand how businesses bounce back because they've never had to before. | ||
| And so many of these businesses are 30 years old. | ||
| Their parents opened this restaurant. | ||
| Now the sons are running it. | ||
| You know, there's a restaurant in Vegas called Gaetano's. | ||
| It's in Henderson, Nevada. | ||
| It's outside of Vegas. | ||
| And I used to go to the original restaurant that was in Calabasas. | ||
| And now the son runs it. | ||
| The father's passed on, and luckily I got to see him. | ||
| Before he passed on, I ate there a couple years back. | ||
| And now the son is running it. | ||
| And he's just doing all kinds of creative things to try to open it up and to try to have people. | ||
| They're reduced to 25% indoor capacity now. | ||
| They're selling a lot of to-go food and trying to help people out. | ||
| But this is a business that I've been going to them personally for 23 years. | ||
| You know, and now all of a sudden, they're right about, they're barely hanging on. | ||
| And they were a very successful business. | ||
| It's a great restaurant. | ||
| They were around for a long time. | ||
| But now they're fucked. | ||
| The plastic, all the to-go shit, too. | ||
| I mean, how much fucking more plastic are we using? | ||
| How many seals are going to choke to death? | ||
| I thought we were headed in the right direction on plastic. | ||
|
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Yeah. | |
| New York banned the plastic bag. | ||
| And now it's like this... | ||
| I mean, everything is plastic. | ||
| Well, here's a solution for this. | ||
| It's never discussed, but it really should be. | ||
| There is biodegradable plastic that's made out of hemp. | ||
| I feel like you've had somebody like this on the show, probably. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Well, I have. | ||
| And also I've had Boyan Slott, who is a gentleman that is, when he was 19, created a device for removing plastic from the ocean. | ||
| Is this that fucking floaty thing? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| Like, all of humanity is hoping this works. | ||
| I think he tried it in the San Francisco Bay, maybe? | ||
| Well, no, he's doing it now. | ||
| He actually just sent me a message that he wants to send me a pair of sunglasses that are made out of the plastic that they pulled out of the ocean. | ||
| So they're not just taking this plastic. | ||
| I thought it was a pair of sunglasses he found in one of the oceans. | ||
| That'd be good too. | ||
| Recycle it. | ||
| But they're legitimately recycling. | ||
| So they're taking that plastic that was choking seals and they're reconstituting it and then making products. | ||
| And then the sales of that products will help fund this business to try to remove plastic from the ocean. | ||
| So it's actually a resource. | ||
| Now that he's figured out a way to extract the pollution. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Beautiful person. | ||
| I love this guy. | ||
| Love him to death. | ||
| And there's his... | ||
| They're cool sunglasses. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing. | ||
| So it's functional. | ||
| And look at all the plastic they're pulling out. | ||
| They're pulling out these big, huge chunks of plastic. | ||
| But, you know, you're dealing with something that's bigger than the state of Texas that's floating around in the middle of the ocean. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| That trash, Guyer, or whatever they call it? | ||
| Because you Google image it. | ||
| I can never find it. | ||
| But supposedly there's this... | ||
| You know, there it is, maybe. | ||
| Well, here's the reason why you can't find it. | ||
| A lot of it is subsurface. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Some of it's 214,000 football fields. | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| American football? | ||
| Ocean cleaning funded of our goal of 500,000. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Yeah, American football. | ||
| They're just talking about what he's been able to clean. | ||
| So 214,000 football fields worth of cleaning. | ||
| But it's the largest cleanup in history of the ocean. | ||
| And the... | ||
| The ocean, this garbage patch itself has been really well documented, but you're not really going to find it with Google Earth very well. | ||
| A lot of it breaks down and it gets very small and some of it's floating above the surface or just below the surface. | ||
| But where is this trash originating from? | ||
| All over the world. | ||
| Okay, and people are just dumping trash in the ocean? | ||
| Yes, a lot of people do. | ||
| And then a lot of it just accidentally gets there in the ocean. | ||
| Here's a perfect example. | ||
| When it rains in L.A., everything comes down the L.A. River, and the L.A. River is filled with trash, and it just goes right into the ocean. | ||
| The fucking L.A. River is the biggest, saddest story of humanity. | ||
| So disgusting! | ||
| I mean, they fucking... | ||
| Concreted it. | ||
| The whole thing. | ||
| In like 19-whatever it was. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Somebody died in a flood and they... | ||
| It is strange to me, the LA River. | ||
| It symbolizes how fucked up LA is. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That that's the river. | ||
| The river is this concrete, shitty structure. | ||
| That's their solution. | ||
| You go to the river here and there's like paths and people biking. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, this is like an... | ||
| And it's like those bats. | ||
| It's like this is an active nature-drawn river. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And in the LA River, it's like... | ||
| We loved concrete, huh? | ||
| When concrete was invented, we just went ham on concrete, especially in LA. But this is unbelievable, and this is a solution, but obviously, initially, let's not throw this shit in the ocean in the first place. | ||
| Well, it's not just let's not throw it. | ||
| Things get washed in the ocean with the rain. | ||
| Assholes that throw their cigarettes out the window. | ||
| They still do that. | ||
| As if it's not littering either. | ||
| I have friends that I love to death that smoke. | ||
| And they smoke and they'll throw the cigarette on the ground and step on it. | ||
| As if it's gone now. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| It's like the one thing that people don't have any problem littering with. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't count as littering. | ||
| Are those things biodegradable, the filters? | ||
|
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No! | |
| So why can't they make that biodegradable? | ||
| Well, they probably can, but it'll cost more money. | ||
| The thing about hemp is that it's like large-scale production of hemp is totally possible. | ||
| But it hasn't really been implemented in terms of, like, creating plastic in this country yet. | ||
| But you can make plastic water bottles out of hemp that'll degrade in the ground. | ||
| That'd be amazing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they can do it. | ||
| Like, we have this idea, like, every time you drink a water bottle, you're fucking up the world. | ||
| And, well, you kind of, sort of are, but it doesn't have to be. | ||
| There's a way to get around this. | ||
| It's totally possible to do. | ||
| As we sit here with all this water bottles. | ||
| We need to do something about this. | ||
| We have a machine too, the filter. | ||
| From now on, let's stop using water bottles. | ||
| Let's use that filter thing. | ||
| Get some glasses. | ||
| Get some glasses that are made out of plastic so I don't break them. | ||
| It seems like... | ||
| The company makes the product always before the regulation can exist. | ||
| So we get so far down the line with profit and success and Dasani and whoever, and then you have to—it's like Uber. | ||
| Now they're trying to regulate it, but it's just—the business is too big now. | ||
| And plastic is—plastic water? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Well, we just do a really bad job of garbage disposal. | ||
| We do a really poor job of making sure that the garbage is in a controlled environment, it's in an absolute container, and a lot of people are fucking litter. | ||
| That fucking drives me insane. | ||
| Drives me nuts. | ||
| We drive down the highway and see someone throw something out the window. | ||
| In LA, you would see these motherfuckers. | ||
| I'd drive my motorcycle down sunset sometimes, and you'd go in between the cars at a red light, and people would just throw their stuff out the window, not knowing I'm standing there, or on my bike, and it would hit you. | ||
| And it's like, beautiful street. | ||
| I've seen people throw full bags of their fast food bag, full bag, out the window. | ||
| You should be allowed to do something to them, physically, but... | ||
| Some people are gross. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Their punishment is they have to be them. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| 157,000 shipping containers of U.S. plastic wakes exported to countries with poor waste management in 2018. What? | ||
| Well, wasn't China supposedly taking our recyclables, but then they stopped? | ||
| Because I'm fully convinced that that recycle bin in New York City just goes in the same fucking bin as the trash. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know? | ||
| 157,000 shipping containers. | ||
| There's a terrible video that I watched about them pouring garbage into a river in this poor country. | ||
| They literally would back a truck up into the river and they were pouring everything into the river. | ||
| Just garbage. | ||
| Let's get rid of it here. | ||
| I heard that Americans have on average two storage units. | ||
| So their home isn't enough storage. | ||
| So on average, most Americans own a separate storage facility somewhere for their stuff. | ||
| Maybe New York City people do. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Texas certainly doesn't. | ||
| New York City people kind of have to, right? | ||
| They kind of have to. | ||
| A lot of folks in New York have a storage unit where they take stuff that they don't use that often. | ||
| Bring the winter stuff in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, yes. | ||
| But... | ||
| We have stuff. | ||
| We have too much stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you ever go camping and you got to take your trash out with you, that's a good lesson in learning how to minimize your trash. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's disgusting how much trash we have. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's just a lot of what we have is just we're not living efficiently. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's not a renewable and efficient way. | ||
| But, I mean, right now, in particular, people are thinking, well, that's the least of our problems. | ||
| Our problems are, you know, we're good at thinking about one thing at a time. | ||
| Yeah, it is kind of frustrating that, yeah. | ||
| I mean, aren't we seeing global warming changes? | ||
| Reversing a little bit right now? | ||
| More birds are migrating because there's less industry happening? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, they think air quality is improving, but the problem with global warming is the human imprint on global warming. | ||
| We're accelerating it with the carbon in the atmosphere, but it's only one factor. | ||
| There's a lot of factors. | ||
| There's so much debate on that stuff. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| There's no debate whether or not human beings are having a negative influence. | ||
| They're definitely having a negative influence. | ||
| But, you know, when you go back and you look at when Earth was an ice, when there was an ice age, and most of North America was covered in a mile-high sheet of ice, and you see that, you know, there used to be dinosaurs in certain places, and are now all, like, this is not stable. | ||
| Like, none of this is stable. | ||
| This whole planet is, like, constantly in this state of change. | ||
| And these assholes that make houses and put them right next to the ocean are silly. | ||
| You're silly. | ||
| Like, that fucking shoreline varies wildly over into the next hundred years. | ||
| And yet, you're just like, here's my house, and I'm gonna put it on stilts so the water can go underneath it, but I'll be fine. | ||
| We're weird with that, man. | ||
| Like, Malibu, the most expensive coastline in America, right? | ||
| Those Malibu houses, and they're all on something that's just not gonna last. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I never understood Malibu because I could never... | ||
| As a regular person, you can't really see Malibu. | ||
| It's just PCH, but it's all private beaches. | ||
| Somehow they've privatized. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| No, they pretend it's private. | ||
|
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Fuck. | |
| This is the thing. | ||
| Bastards. | ||
| Oh, it's pretty gross. | ||
| Not only is it gross, it's like a crazy situation. | ||
| These people that own these houses on these beaches hire security to chase people off the beach because the beach is in front of their house. | ||
| But they don't own the beach. | ||
| They don't own the beach. | ||
| Because you can't own the beach. | ||
| You can't own the beach, yeah. | ||
| It's literally like owning a chunk of ocean. | ||
| It's not yours to buy. | ||
| You own the piece of land where your house is at, but these people pay like 20 million bucks for this little house that's right there, and they think, well, I shouldn't have people playing the drums right in front of my house. | ||
| Well, no, they're allowed to! | ||
| So are they saying that they're trespassed to get to the beach? | ||
| There's court cases because people are hiring security guards to kick people off of the land in front of their house. | ||
| But that land is public land. | ||
| So there's lawsuits going on right now. | ||
| And there's all these groups that are trying to make sure that these people don't get away with this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And restore public access to the beach areas. | ||
| You have a certain amount of space between your house and the beach. | ||
| But it's not much. | ||
| It's like 10 feet or some shit. | ||
| But there must be a law in place that says you can't privatize the ocean, right? | ||
| Yes, there should be. | ||
| I'm happy we came up with that law. | ||
| I hope there's a law. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I was talking about water and dumping in the river. | ||
| I did this piece on The Daily Show. | ||
| There's a company that gave Lake Erie A bill of rights? | ||
| They declared Lake Erie to be a person, to be a human being, legally. | ||
| So now they can defend it by pollution because I guess all these... | ||
| Defend it against pollution? | ||
| Excuse me, yes. | ||
| So all these agricultural companies have been dumping in Lake Erie forever. | ||
| They own all this land. | ||
| It's privatized. | ||
| They dump, dump, dump. | ||
| But they've actually... | ||
| Because Lake Erie's all fucked up. | ||
| I mean, it's caught on fire in the 70s. | ||
| It's like a lake that's burning. | ||
|
unidentified
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Caught on fire? | |
| Yes, 1974 or 78. The lake caught on fire was so polluted. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| So it's had this long history of... | ||
| I know, like fire. | ||
| It has a long history of just being totally the worst Great Lake and totally fucked over. | ||
| But they declared Lake Erie a person. | ||
| So now they can defend it. | ||
| And it's still tied up in legal land. | ||
| But... | ||
| That'd be interesting. | ||
| You know? | ||
| What if a river is a person? | ||
| What if a mountain range is a person? | ||
| Does it now have those rights? | ||
| And if we harm it, can we defend it? | ||
| Why do we have to make it a person? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what's bizarre. | ||
|
unidentified
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Exactly. | |
| But that's how fucked up it's gotten. | ||
| That they can't get any attention to this issue. | ||
| So... | ||
| Well, waste. | ||
| Whenever people make things, it's going to be waste. | ||
| And whenever people don't have consequences for getting rid of that waste in a detrimental way, they do it. | ||
| If they can make more profit by just dumping it off somewhere, they just dump it off somewhere. | ||
| There's the Cleveland River Fire. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Right, so is this the Cuyahoga River maybe? | ||
|
unidentified
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Cuyahoga, yeah. | |
| Cuyahoga River. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| This goes into Lake Erie and... | ||
| Bro, look how dark that is. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| That's 1969? | ||
| Oh, is it 69? | ||
| Make that larger. | ||
| Look how dark that smoke is. | ||
| How polluted is that? | ||
| That's the water on fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who would have ever imagined that it would make that much smoke? | ||
| That is fucking insane! | ||
| The picture is crazy! | ||
| And I don't know, you know, I don't know the pollution. | ||
| I think it's agricultural, you know, but... | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| And Midwesterners have a long history of, like, taking... | ||
| The Great Lakes for granted and just kind of like dumping all their shit in there. | ||
| But it's like, you know, this is one-fifth of the world's freshwater. | ||
| You know, those are glaciers. | ||
| They just melted. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they are. | ||
| Glaciers that melted. | ||
| There's a bunch of areas. | ||
| That was post-ice age, too. | ||
| That was one of the things that... | ||
| There's a time called the Younger Dryas. | ||
| The Younger Dryas impact theory is that during this time period, the Earth was hit. | ||
| And this was during the Ice Age. | ||
| The Earth was hit with asteroid impacts, which caused a rapid melting of the glaciers. | ||
| And there's all sorts of evidence that points to it that this guy, Randall Carlson, can point out. | ||
| And he's kind of spent his life. | ||
| It's really a crazy story. | ||
| He was on acid once, and he was overlooking this area, and he had this vision. | ||
| He realized, like, he was looking at this incredible terrain, you know, these canyons, and then he had this vision, like, oh my god, this is from water. | ||
| Like, all this erosion came from water. | ||
| What would cause this much water and this much erosion? | ||
| And then he spends literally decades researching this. | ||
| Decades obsessing about this. | ||
| And has been on the podcast multiple times discussing this. | ||
| And it coincides with the end of the Ice Age and also coincides with this time where this comet has like a cycle of passing by Earth. | ||
| And debris from this comet collided with the Earth. | ||
| And there's all sorts of... | ||
| Evidence in terms of soil, when they do soil samples, core samples, that there is what's called, I think it's called tritonite, and it's nuclear, it's literally nuclear glass, and it happens on impact sites of asteroids. | ||
| So when particles hit the Earth, literally, it's the same glass that's created when they did the Trinity test. | ||
| They did the Trinity test and they detonated a nuke. | ||
| So this stuff all exists in this time period that coincides with the end of the Ice Age. | ||
| And that also coincides with these rapid melting of these glaciers. | ||
| And then they pushed across the Earth and did this crazy shit to the surface of the Earth. | ||
| When I Google it, there's a video from NASA that pops up first now. | ||
|
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Wow. | |
| That's like almost confirming his theory. | ||
| Yeah, see those... | ||
| Like NASA satellites. | ||
| This area... | ||
| Of where these glaciers rapidly thawed out and just tore through the landscape and moved these massive stones. | ||
| You'd have to listen to him talk about it. | ||
| I'm doing a really shitty job of describing it. | ||
| But it's a fascinating, fascinating thing to talk about. | ||
| But this is all, those glaciers are all remnants of those lakes, the Great Lakes. | ||
| Those are giant chunks of ice. | ||
| The fucking, most of North America was covered with a mile high sheet of ice. | ||
| And then, what's going to happen when the asteroid comes for us now? | ||
| We're fucked. | ||
| But we're going to know it's coming. | ||
| Yeah, but they can't do anything about it. | ||
| It's not an Independence Day situation or whatever that movie, Armageddon. | ||
| Yeah, they can't stop it. | ||
| There's some people that think they can stop it. | ||
| Oh, we'll just do this and we'll just do that. | ||
| But when I talk to experts like Neil deGrasse Tyson and these type of people, we're more than a decade away from being able to do something about it. | ||
| To change the trajectory of an asteroid? | ||
| They're not putting nearly enough resources into doing that either because some of these things, we don't see them coming until their weight. | ||
| There's not that many people watching the sky. | ||
| And there's 900,000 near-Earth objects. | ||
| Like if you look at the amount of objects that are circulating between Mars and Jupiter, the thing that saves us is Jupiter. | ||
| Jupiter is like our security guard. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| He's keeping everybody, all the assholes, from coming into the club. | ||
| He's like, hang on, because Jupiter has this massive amount of gravity. | ||
|
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Right. | |
| So a lot of things that would hit us get sucked into Jupiter. | ||
| Is that why it has like seven moons or whatever? | ||
| It's got a lot of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there was one impact. | ||
| Thanks, Jupiter! | ||
| Right? | ||
| There's one impact that happened in Jupiter that really changed our understanding of what an impact does. | ||
| Because we had sort of this idea of what it would be like, and this one thing hit Jupiter and the explosion was literally the size of Earth. | ||
| And we're like, oh no. | ||
| And we realized if something like that hit us, that's a wrap. | ||
| And that, you know, obviously that's what did the dinosaurs in and the Yucatan impact. | ||
| But that's going to happen again. | ||
| It's just a matter of when. | ||
| It's always fun to have this type of conversation. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| It's a movie that just came out about what you're talking about. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| Like the last couple months called Greenland. | ||
| Oh, the gladiator guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's in there? | ||
| Well, listen, this is going to happen. | ||
| You know, remember back in 2015, Bill Gates gave a TED Talk about pandemics. | ||
| And I remember everybody was like, eh, it's not going to happen. | ||
| Well, guess what, fuckface? | ||
| Here we are. | ||
| We're in the middle of a pandemic. | ||
| We're very fortunate that this pandemic is killing less than 1% of the population, but it is a pandemic. | ||
| And 1% of the people that get it. | ||
| But this... | ||
| This is also going to happen. | ||
| It's not a matter of if we get hit. | ||
| It's when. | ||
| You look at the surface of the moon. | ||
| The surface of the moon looks like one of those steel plates at a gun range. | ||
| Dude, it's so fucked. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| That's because it gets hit. | ||
| Because the moon doesn't have any atmosphere to protect it. | ||
| There's going to be a third act to Earth. | ||
| And it's going to end. | ||
| But are we a part of that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, how about this? | ||
| So why do I have to go to work then? | ||
| This is Earth 2. Okay. | ||
| You know, there was Earth 1. We got hit by a planet. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Earth 1 existed... | ||
| We're in the sequel to Earth? | ||
| Yeah, this is the second version of Earth. | ||
| Earth 1, they think that's how the moon got formed. | ||
| Earth got hit by another planet. | ||
| Think of that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| When I look at the ocean and when I look at the sky, I feel very insignificant and it actually gives me comfort, right? | ||
| It makes me go like, dude, chill on this. | ||
| Chill on that Tuesday morning bothered you or whatever, you know, the commute. | ||
| Don't read your mentions on Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, exactly. | |
| Like, yo, look at the ocean, look at the sky, and it's fascinating. | ||
| And you think about men, you know, hundreds of years ago that would look up there and say, I want to go there or study or learn about that. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Well, that's another thing that I think we've done. | ||
| It's a huge disservice. | ||
| Unfortunately, a consequence of civilization is light and light pollution. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's ruined our view of the most amazing thing in the world, which is the universe. | ||
| It's ruined our view of the heavens. | ||
| I can sometimes see one star from my roof in New York. | ||
| I mean, it is like, it is just a giant glow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you go camping, or in L.A., you used to love to go camping, and you just get out, and it was just like, whoa, what is all that? | ||
| Yeah, amazing. | ||
| And then noise pollution is the other one. | ||
| Noise pollution is bad, too, but at least that kind of dies down at night. | ||
| True. | ||
| The light pollution never dies down. | ||
| I went to the Keck Observatory once in Hawaii, and it changed my life. | ||
| Like, legitimately changed my life. | ||
| Because you go up to the top, and I remember as we were driving up there, I thought we fucked up because there were so many clouds. | ||
| I was like, damn, we picked it on a cloudy day. | ||
| But you actually drive through the clouds, and you get above the clouds, and the view is insanity. | ||
| It's so amazing. | ||
| It's on the Big Island. | ||
| The peak of the Big Island is very high. | ||
| And you get up there and you see everything. | ||
| You see the full Milky Way with all the stars. | ||
| And it's so overwhelming that it makes you feel so insignificant. | ||
| You're like, holy shit! | ||
| It's the most amazing view. | ||
| And then you realize, oh my god, this is how humans used to see the sky always. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Until like 100 years ago. | ||
| And then we started ruining it. | ||
| And now we literally have the most beautiful thing ever there. | ||
| And instead... | ||
| We look down at this fucking thing. | ||
| And I think it coincides with our lack of appreciation or understanding of where we stand. | ||
| When you look at the mountains, or when you look at the ocean, you do get humbled by just the magnitude of it. | ||
| There's something comforting about it. | ||
| And I think it's one of the reasons why beach towns are kind of chill. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And people that live in mountain towns are pretty friendly. | ||
| They're kind of cool. | ||
| I think they're humbled by nature. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's my biggest... | ||
| Appreciation of LA. There's a lot of fake motherfuckers there, but in general, people are interacting with nature on a daily basis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not happening in New York, but... | ||
| I forgot what I was going to say about being humbled. | ||
| Oh, I also find... | ||
| Look at wars and... | ||
| It's always cold, people. | ||
| The military, it's always people that are freezing. | ||
| Caribbean countries and stuff, they're always like, we're not going to waste our time with that shit, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, it's Soviet, Germans. | ||
| Yeah, it's Soviet Germany. | ||
| America, it's always like, it's not like some vast military history for Trinidad. | ||
| They're just like, why would we go through all that trouble? | ||
| Yeah, we're chilling. | ||
| We're drinking coconuts, eating fish. | ||
| Yeah, being humbled by nature, I think, is important. | ||
| Understand your perspective. | ||
| And most civilizations in history modeled their cities, like the great civilizations like Egypt and the Mayans. | ||
| The structures that still baffle us today, when we look at the Mayan structures, they modeled them after the cosmos. | ||
| I mean, they were in alignment with these... | ||
| Constellations. | ||
| I mean, that was a huge part of the way they viewed the world. | ||
| They looked at the sky. | ||
| And it must have been amazing back then. | ||
| Like, every night you just saw all these stars. | ||
| And they didn't understand... | ||
| I mean, did they know what it was? | ||
| Well, they knew enough to know that it shifted and changed. | ||
| They knew enough to line up certain structures with the sun and the summer solstice. | ||
| They knew enough. | ||
| They had a lot of understanding of it because you've got to realize these people were observing and studying and writing this stuff down for thousands of years. | ||
| Even though they don't have the kind of astronomy understanding that people have today, they still had thousands of years of observation. | ||
| And they knew how to, like, make it so in the solstice it would line up correctly, which is insane. | ||
| You know, speaking of Humble by Nature, Jordan Jonas, who you had on The Alone, one of the things that I was so drawn to with that season, or excuse me, season six of Alone... | ||
| I was always like, okay, I'm going to see some bad asses figure out how to survive in nature, but the ones that really thrive or win have this humbleness to it all. | ||
| And that's what drove me to Jordan when he's killing the Wolverine with his bare hands and shit, but he's still somehow doing this totally alpha nature predator thing, but then he would still have this like, you guys are in charge, I'm just chilling here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That threw me. | ||
| I was like, oh, maybe this is probably why he's so good at this, too. | ||
| Because he's just like, you're in charge. | ||
| Let me just be a guest. | ||
| Well, he's been in nature for so long. | ||
| That was nuts. | ||
| He understands it. | ||
| And he loves nature. | ||
| That guy's spent a long time living with people in Siberia. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The reindeer and shit. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| His life is pretty incredible. | ||
| I'm gonna do his survival camp. | ||
| Are you really? | ||
| Yeah, like in August. | ||
| I guess he's got some survival camp, and I signed up to do it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We're gonna go to Idaho on the fucking horses and like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm just trying to learn as much shit as I can. | ||
| Why are you doing that? | ||
| I just think it'll be fun. | ||
| I mean, I'm like... | ||
| I live in a city, you know? | ||
| But I love nature, but I gotta commit to finding time to be in it from where I live. | ||
| You moved to Brooklyn to do the show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To do The Daily Show? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I was living in LA before. | ||
| What was that transition like? | ||
| I had been to New York once before for a year to do a show on Fox with Regis Philbin, rest in peace. | ||
| Oh, that'd be a great guess, but he's no longer, you can't get him now. | ||
| So I was a little more familiar with New York City. | ||
| The first time I went there, it just wiped me out. | ||
| I couldn't figure it out. | ||
| I thought everything anybody said to me, I took it personally. | ||
| I didn't understand the pace. | ||
| I didn't understand anything. | ||
| The second time I went, which is now, I was a little more confident in the rhythm. | ||
| Is your wife from there? | ||
| No, she's Canadian. | ||
| So we were in LA. I got the job, moved to New York. | ||
| My parents were living in New York City at the time. | ||
| So I actually got The Daily Show Moved to New York and stayed with my parents. | ||
| A 38-year-old sleeping at my parents' house. | ||
| My mom would lightly knock on the door and wake me up and ask me... | ||
| Honey, time to go to work. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to go to work. | ||
| Do you want coffee? | ||
| He goes, yeah, I'll take coffee. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And then transitioned and moved everybody to Brooklyn. | ||
| But have you spent time in New York? | ||
| You never lived there, right? | ||
| I lived in New Rochelle, which is outside of New York City. | ||
| I lived there for a few years. | ||
| That was like ground zero for COVID. Did you see that? | ||
| Yeah, I heard. | ||
| Westchester. | ||
| Yes, that was crazy. | ||
| They got crushed. | ||
| So were you doing comedy at a New Rochelle? | ||
| Yeah, I had a car, right? | ||
| And I couldn't afford to live in the city. | ||
| Because if I lived in the city, I would have to park. | ||
| I remember being ashamed to tell people that I lived in New Rochelle. | ||
| Like, oh, you're one of those people living out there. | ||
| You can't hang in the city. | ||
| And I was like, I can't. | ||
| I don't have any money. | ||
| I couldn't afford it. | ||
| What was spot pay then? | ||
| 10 bucks? | ||
| Not much. | ||
| But the road was where the money was at. | ||
| I lived in New York because I got signed by my manager. | ||
| And the New York scene was great, but you would have to hop from gig to gig to gig and everybody was doing like 15 minutes. | ||
| Or you could go on the road and you'd go to Connecticut and do an hour and make like 150 bucks. | ||
| That's what I was doing. | ||
| I was doing a lot of road gigs. | ||
| I needed a car, and there was no way I was going to have a car in New York City and pay, like, I don't remember what a spot was, but it was as much as my rent was from my apartment, that's how much a spot was to park your car. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know... | ||
| I'll do four shows a night, but in order to make it on time, I'll be taking $80 worth of Ubers or taxis. | ||
| So how is this working? | ||
| I don't know how... | ||
| I got into the New York scene later in comedy where I had road work I could rely on, but I just don't know how you survive and live full-time as a New York City stand-up comic. | ||
| I mean, there are people at the cellar that will tell you they've pulled it off, but they haven't bought a new winter jacket in like 12 years. | ||
| It's fucking brutal. | ||
| There's a... | ||
| It's almost an embracing of poverty. | ||
| Not just embracing, but there's a badge of honor to the poverty that you get from choosing that path. | ||
| Mark Norman drives a scooter. | ||
| He rides a fucking moped around New York City. | ||
| I go, is it dangerous? | ||
| He's like, yeah, but I feel alive. | ||
| I'm out there driving, risking my life. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I love biking through New York City. | ||
| I love biking New York City. | ||
| It is fun, and it's similar to what Mark is saying. | ||
| But I also fall back on the fact that I'm getting exercise when I do that. | ||
| He's riding a scooter. | ||
| Oh yeah, many times I've changed in a green room at a comedy club with the helmet, and I'm sweating. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Louis C.K. used to ride a motorcycle. | ||
| He told me he got hit by a car. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And when you get hit by a car, he's like, okay, that's it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was like, you were riding a motorcycle around New York City? | ||
| I got my car hit once by a guy. | ||
| I got out to talk to the cab driver. | ||
| He hit me. | ||
| He's like, hey, fuck you! | ||
| And he drove off. | ||
| There was no consequences. | ||
| And I go, give me your license and registration. | ||
| He goes, no! | ||
| And he just drove away. | ||
| That's New York. | ||
| I was like, fuck! | ||
| It's a pinball game. | ||
| Manhattan's a pinball game, and when you're on a bike, you feel like the ball sometimes, but you get to where you're going. | ||
| It's fast. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| And it's the best way to... | ||
| Commute quickly in New York City, but you're sweaty, you're gross. | ||
| Nothing was as simple and as easy as popping in the car, 10 minutes, go to the comedy store, get a great spot, maybe do another spot up at the belly room, two shows a night, through osmosis, absorb other great comedy. | ||
| The LA world, if you were in at the comedy store, was perfect for me. | ||
| But now that I'm in New York, it's a fight. | ||
| Everything's a fight in New York. | ||
| Do you do road gigs like in Jersey? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That, to me, made more sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I need time to air my act out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One of the things that I've found is that in New York City, some of the best joke writers, great crowd work guys, but... | ||
| There's a consequence of the environment of those clubs. | ||
| The environment is you're very close to the audience. | ||
| The stage is very small. | ||
| And because of that, there's a lot of interaction with the crowd. | ||
| And there's a lot of joke jokes. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And you have short sets, so you don't have a chance to expand. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So I need time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because some of my bits... | ||
| I want to talk about something that's fucked up. | ||
| And I have to get you to trust me first. | ||
| So I have to talk to you about kind of normal shit that you can agree with and then go, let me ask you about this. | ||
| Why are we doing this really? | ||
| I need a half hour. | ||
| I need 45 minutes. | ||
| I need time to get to the real... | ||
| I can't open up with a bit about old people fucking and dying. | ||
| I need time. | ||
| I have to do bits about living with my parents up top. | ||
| Oh, we like this guy. | ||
| He's humbled, whatever. | ||
| Now we can talk about Me Too. | ||
| But in New York, it's like, hey, you got 14 minutes. | ||
| So then I would run up on stage, start my first joke on Me Too, and everyone hates me. | ||
| And I'm going, oh, wait. | ||
| Of course, I know the rule. | ||
| Why didn't I? Yeah, but you're right. | ||
| So look. | ||
| Some comedy purists make fun of the road. | ||
| To me, it's an awesome way to get good at comedy. | ||
| Those were comedy purists that don't exist anymore, though. | ||
| The ones who are successful don't make fun of the road. | ||
| That was a thing that was going on back in the day, whereas the people that lived in the city, and they existed and survived in the city, they would mock everybody who went on the road. | ||
| But those people are dead. | ||
| They don't exist anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because everybody does the road now, and you realize, like, no, it's your choice. | ||
| Not only that, this arrogance that only the people in New York City are the sophisticated people that are intelligent. | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really. | |
| Like, yeah, are there morons in Jersey? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are there morons in Manhattan? | ||
| Yeah, that too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially if you do, like, Caroline's. | ||
| Like, if you do Caroline's, you're doing tourists. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It's mostly tourists, you know? | ||
| I think that's a big mistake that... | ||
| By the way, I love Carolines. | ||
| No, I'm not. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| No, but yeah, I understand. | ||
| I'm from Ann Arbor, Michigan. | ||
| Ann Arbor is this very educated, very, I will use the word pretentious, Michigan town. | ||
| And people in New York here, I'm from Michigan, and they always are like, oh, it's all like, you know, Michigan militia or Trump or whatever. | ||
| And I'm like, I don't know about you, but all of my friends' parents were like PhD doctors. | ||
| I'm not saying that's a good thing either, but I'm saying you're out of touch with what is existing in Michigan. | ||
| Yeah, and so the road could do an hour. | ||
| Now, you can get hacky on the road. | ||
| If you are just chasing laughs and you're just chasing like, you know, I want to be popular for the moment, you can get hacky and that's what you got to fight against. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, you don't have that fear. | ||
| You're never going to be that anyway. | ||
| But there's some people that do give into that. | ||
| As an argument against that, I would use Hicks. | ||
| Do you understand that Hicks cut his teeth in the south on the road? | ||
| Like, that guy did all the places where the hacks went, but he would come in and hit them with some shit that they never saw coming. | ||
| It's a crazy story, that, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he started here. | ||
| This is where he started, in Austin. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He started in Austin and Houston. | ||
| And Houston is where, you know, they had... | ||
| First of all, they had... | ||
| The Laugh Stop was originally here, and then the Laugh Stop got sold and then became Cap City Comedy Club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then they opened up the Laugh Stop in Houston. | ||
| And the Laugh Stop in Houston was the first place where I ever sold out. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah, it was the first place where I ever had a real crowd. | ||
| People would come to see me. | ||
| I did it a couple of times. | ||
| And they just loved wild comedy there. | ||
| And then I was like, oh, of course. | ||
| The people that... | ||
| When I started at the Laugh Stop, it was like 97. Like, Hicks... | ||
| And Kinison were in the 80s. | ||
| Those people were still... | ||
| The remnants were still there. | ||
| The ripples of their impact on comedy. | ||
| And plus, Houston does not get the respect that it deserves for being a diverse, interesting, intelligent city. | ||
| I have... | ||
| Zero experience with Houston. | ||
| Houston's great. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's a great city. | ||
| It's so interesting. | ||
| There's so many different cultures there. | ||
| It's like a massive melting pot. | ||
| But you think Houston, oil, Texas, assholes, cowboy hats, big trucks. | ||
| Fuck that place. | ||
| It's not what Houston is. | ||
| Houston is filled with great restaurants and interesting people, but there's so much intelligence there. | ||
| It's a really unusual place. | ||
| But what you're suggesting is that a comedy audience, a community, can be created through listening to good comedy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I would believe that too, because you go to these clubs that have actually booked good comics, and you see that that audience, over the course of time, gets smarter as well. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And gets more into comedy. | ||
| But so much of the road also is like, hey, we just turned this bar into a thing. | ||
| Do you want to do comedy? | ||
| And you're like, oh my god, this is terrible. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, but even that, though, I feel like that's cross-training. | ||
| It is. | ||
| As a comic, you don't want to do those gigs every week, but to do them every now and then is actually valuable. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Doing a casino in Dubuque, Iowa, and I remember being on stage, and I'm doing 20 minutes, and it's going like, okay... | ||
| And I'm going, why don't I fly here to do an hour of okay? | ||
| Why don't we dig into all the new stuff that's probably going to be okay? | ||
| And that'll be a successful workout. | ||
| So that's what you do. | ||
| And you go, okay, great. | ||
| This works. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| It was fucking Dubuque, Iowa. | ||
| Well, you know, even Dubuque, Iowa. | ||
| Like, when people know who you are, then you have your own audience. | ||
| I don't have that problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you can get that eventually. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can get there. | |
| I was just starting. | ||
| Like, right before pandemic, I was, like, starting to see ticket sales go up and sell out a couple things, and it's such a, like, it's so motivating, because you're like, okay, some of this shit is, like, working, and then I'm not at all complaining at all, but I'm saying, like, the ball was moving a little bit, and selling tickets is tough, and Don't forget that. | ||
| I'm sure you won't, but it's like... | ||
| Oh, I don't forget. | ||
| You can't forget it, because I know you've spent years not, but it is like... | ||
| And then they screw you, too. | ||
| Right on the edge of that bonus. | ||
| But I know we got 500 people there. | ||
| No, it was showing 491. And then the agent says, I'll dig into it, but they never dig into it. | ||
| No! | ||
| It's a thousand bucks. | ||
| It's like, that's good money. | ||
| Dude, I had a club. | ||
| I had a club that I know fucked me one year and tried to fuck me the next year. | ||
| Listen to how crazy this was. | ||
| I know it was sold out. | ||
| The place is packed. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| You can fucking see if it's sold out. | ||
| No, it looks like it's sold out, but it's just the way we see people. | ||
| And I remember we had this conversation when he was writing me the check. | ||
| We're looking at him, and I know he's lying. | ||
| And I can't do anything about it. | ||
| So I go, okay, fine. | ||
| So I take it. | ||
| And then I hear from other comics that he fucked them over. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Great club. | ||
| Good weekend. | ||
| I let it go. | ||
| The next time I'm there, it sells out in advance. | ||
| The next time I'm there, it sells out in advance. | ||
| And so as he's cutting me the check, he tells me, hey, I comped 150 tickets. | ||
| I don't know what you want to do with that. | ||
| I go, what are you talking about? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| He goes, well, I mean, I wanted to fill the place, so I comped 150 tickets. | ||
| I go, the show was sold out in advance. | ||
| What are you telling me? | ||
| He's like, I mean, we have a deal. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| If the show sells out, we have a sellout deal. | ||
| You're supposed to give me an extra, this amount of money. | ||
| So you have to give me that money. | ||
| He goes, yeah, but I comped all these tickets. | ||
| I go, give me the fucking money, man. | ||
| I'm like, we're getting tense here. | ||
| This is two times in a row. | ||
| You're running security for yourself. | ||
| I was very frustrated. | ||
| You're running agency for yourself. | ||
| You're running law for yourself. | ||
| That's what is insane. | ||
| But why would you do that when I sold out last time? | ||
| Why would you comp 150 tickets? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| This time you decided to give away 150 tickets? | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| Some people are just liars. | ||
| The kind of comedy club vibe can be a little dirty. | ||
| They're dirty people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it different at the big theater, though? | |
| Yeah, it's way different. | ||
| Guarantees. | ||
| When the theater's sold out, this is the amount of money you get. | ||
| This is how it goes. | ||
| Yeah, it's different. | ||
| And also, the agents are fucking murderers now. | ||
| They're different. | ||
| When I do an arena, the people that come in, those people are assassins. | ||
| It's John Wick. | ||
| They all come in with bulletproof vests on. | ||
| They're like, listen, we're getting paid. | ||
| You bring in Live Nation. | ||
| You don't have to worry about having that shit. | ||
| I used to love when I would start out, there would always be this successful road comic that will go unnamed, but he would always bring a buddy with him that has the clicker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He'd have to pay his buddy to count the heads, and I was always like, what is all this? | ||
| Why do you have to do that? | ||
| You have to. | ||
| You have to, yeah. | ||
| I don't know how legal the clicker is in a court of law, but... | ||
| I know a guy who got fucked over by 200 tickets, and he found that out by clicking. | ||
| They were telling him it was 300, it was 500 people. | ||
| 200 tickets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's how it goes. | ||
| It's just like, you know... | ||
| But I always think, listen, I need those people. | ||
| You need club owners. | ||
| I don't want to be a club owner. | ||
| Although I guess I'm going to be a club owner. | ||
| I guess you're going to be clicking. | ||
| But I don't want to be that guy. | ||
| I don't want to do that. | ||
| That seems like really frustrating. | ||
| It's a lot of work. | ||
| It's really... | ||
| And I wouldn't want to deal with some of these crazy comedians. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I mean, like... | ||
| Like, look at any condo, comedy condo, the club. | ||
| There was always, you know, you get to a club and there always used to be free drinks. | ||
| And you're like, well, what happened? | ||
| Well, this guy. | ||
| It's always like one guy. | ||
| And... | ||
| Comics are a shit show, and that is also part of my complaint, is like, hey, comics, like, I think in general comic comedians are doing this, but like, let's pick it up a little bit. | ||
| Like, let's wash your shirt, you know? | ||
| Let's not be a total slob. | ||
| Let's learn how to have a conversation with the green room staff. | ||
| Let's tip. | ||
| Let's approach this the way that any businessman or woman, successful in their endeavor, would approach their business. | ||
| Now, it also leads to more comics being sober, more comics being super network-y, more comics climbing the ladder. | ||
| And I feel like when I started comedy, it was like this free-for-all fun, smoke pot, do drugs, whatever. | ||
| And I feel like now the younger guys and girls are more professional, but that's probably good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those road dogs... | ||
| They're always the fun guys to hang out with. | ||
| But they're the guys who do an upper-decker in the bathroom, the green room. | ||
| They always sell a t-shirt with a lightning bolt on it. | ||
| It's a reference to some joke. | ||
| And you're like, did you sell that t-shirt? | ||
| They hate the joke, but they have to do it to sell the shirt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw that a lot when I started in Michigan. | ||
| I saw the comics that were 10 years in front of me, and I said, I don't want to be that. | ||
| The merch guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I sell some merch, but I try to, you know... | ||
| That's where they make money sometimes, when you're on the road, but then you have to ship boxes and shirts and stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a lot of work, man. | ||
| They used to have the credit card machine. | ||
| Oh, no! | ||
| The carbons. | ||
| The carbons, the machine. | ||
| Yeah, it's an interesting business, you know, because there's no one to teach you how to do it. | ||
| There's no only one way to do it. | ||
| It's not like you can go to classes at Juilliard and learn how to do it correctly. | ||
| There is no way. | ||
| And you do it different than I. I do it different than Tony. | ||
| Everybody does it different. | ||
| There's no way around that. | ||
| Your personality will dictate what your comedy is. | ||
| I remember Greg Proops telling me that when I was starting out. | ||
| He was like, anything I tell you is bullshit. | ||
| Because your personality, your point of view is different. | ||
| You can live here, go here, make this, do this, do this. | ||
| And it's coming from the world of sport. | ||
| Sport isn't like that. | ||
| Sport is like, hit the ball here to this fucking point 10,000 times. | ||
| Can you do that under pressure? | ||
| That's like the big question that you have to answer. | ||
| And in comedy or arts... | ||
| It's wide open. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's wide open. | ||
| Yeah, I came from the world of martial arts, which is very technical. | ||
| There's ways to do it that you're going to get hurt. | ||
| You can't do it this way. | ||
| You're in real trouble. | ||
| That is the ultimate. | ||
| That's the ultimate. | ||
| Tennis, if I make a mental error or a technical, personal error, I lose the point. | ||
| Maybe my ball goes into the net, right? | ||
| In your sport, you're fucking knocked out. | ||
| Yeah, you get hit. | ||
| You get hit. | ||
| The first time, I don't... | ||
| I don't remember the first time I fought, but I remember the first time I got hit really hard. | ||
| I remember stars going in front of my eyes. | ||
| Literally, I see a bright flash. | ||
| I remember my knees buckling. | ||
| But you're still active in the fight. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| While that's happening. | ||
| While that's happening, yeah. | ||
| I think the first time I really got hurt was in the gym. | ||
| But yeah, I remember thinking like, Jesus, this is terrible. | ||
| Like, I've been hitting the body before. | ||
| Body shots hurt a lot, too. | ||
| But there's something about getting hit in the head where things shut off for a second. | ||
| They flash out, like your legs start going rubber on you. | ||
| And then you try to, like, rebound from it. | ||
| So do you have... | ||
| You or any fighter, when the flash hits or the knees buckle, is there some default of protection? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because, okay, I saw the flash. | ||
| I've got a split second before I'm dead. | ||
| Well, fortunately, I'd been hit a bunch of times and not hurt really bad before that, so I knew how to protect myself, sort of. | ||
| You know, but I remember that was the first time I got hurt. | ||
| I got really hit hard I was sparring. | ||
| I was probably like 15 or 16. | ||
| I was sparring with a man Right, and he popped me in the face with a jab It was a it was a it was a strong punch and I remember he caught me as I was moving in and it wasn't it wasn't really his fault Necessarily, he was just a bigger stronger person right and but when he hit me my legs buckled my saw the sparks and I was like Oh shit And I was probably like 15. And I remember thinking like, don't do that a lot. | ||
| Whatever the fuck that is, we need to figure out how to avoid that shit. | ||
| And luckily it was in training the first time I got hit really hard. | ||
| So it was like, he didn't try to kill me. | ||
| Were you wearing the head? | ||
| No, we weren't wearing shit. | ||
| I had a mouthpiece. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I don't want to do the equivalent of, oh, you're a comedian, tell me a joke. | ||
| But... | ||
| I'm such a non-fighter. | ||
| I don't have any experience fighting. | ||
| But what is something I could take with me if I find myself in a first fight? | ||
| What is like a must? | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| Protect my face? | ||
| Hit first? | ||
| This is the equivalent of me taking someone who's never even done anything on stage and saying, they say to me, hey, I'm going to go do stand-up tonight. | ||
| What can I do? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I would say move the mic stand out of your way. | ||
| I wouldn't even say that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You wouldn't say that. | |
| I would say you're fucked. | ||
| You have to just experience it. | ||
| It's like a language. | ||
| Fighting is like a language and most people can't string two words together. | ||
| They literally don't know how... | ||
| There's so much to understand with distance and defense and offense and body mechanics and when you're vulnerable and when you're not. | ||
| It's complicated. | ||
| Well, that's why, and this is good that I asked you that, because that's why I will continue to avoid fighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, as best I can. | ||
| Do you ever train any kind of martial art as exercise or boxing class or anything? | ||
| I haven't. | ||
| I've done a bullshit boxing class once. | ||
| It was very general, free with the gym membership type thing, but I would love to. | ||
| I think it would humble me, which would be good. | ||
| But I just don't have that. | ||
| I've never experienced that. | ||
| Just like I've, you know, never been introduced to that. | ||
| But I think, I mean, I feel too skinny and too lanky for that. | ||
| You're not, actually. | ||
| It's actually for jujitsu. | ||
| You have a very good frame, believe it or not. | ||
| I got a good jujitsu frame? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because of leverage. | ||
| Leverage. | ||
| Yeah, and also shorter people like myself, I have shorter arms. | ||
| It's harder to get certain techniques, particularly like triangles and things like that. | ||
| Shit, man. | ||
| Your legs are nice and long. | ||
| You have all this room to close up chokes and do two things, and you have leverage for your techniques. | ||
| Yeah, there's actually some of the best jujitsu players are tall and long. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I would be afraid of getting hit, but maybe... | ||
| Well, you don't get hit in jujitsu. | ||
| Okay, good. | ||
| Jujitsu is just grappling. | ||
| Right, okay. | ||
| I bet you'd excel at it, particularly because of your background with tennis being such a technical sport. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know, tennis is extremely technical. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And it's also very explosive, right? | ||
| You have to jump back and forth and this and that. | ||
| And in jujitsu, it's both very technical and very explosive as well. | ||
| That's interesting to hear because that's kind of what I love about tennis is the relationship between explosive power but then like very small, fine technical adjustments. | ||
| Like golfers spend like hours on their swing. | ||
| We have that and we have 10 swings and one point. | ||
| But it's interesting to hear the comparison to jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Maybe I'll fucking start getting out there. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It'd be fun to do, but it's a terrible thing to do during COVID, because you're literally on each other's face. | ||
| You have people literally sweating in your mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And tennis is the best for social distance. | ||
| You're 78 feet away from your opponent, and you're divided by a physical barrier. | ||
| People are talking about that, actually. | ||
| I saw an ad where they were actually encouraging people to play tennis. | ||
| Be social while socially distancing. | ||
| But so many people's knees are fucked, and tennis seems like the worst sport if you're fucked up knees. | ||
| And for some reason in this country, all kids play on this hard asphalt court. | ||
| And in Europe, Scandinavian countries, they're playing on a soft clay in the summer and a soft carpet indoor in the winter. | ||
| And this also creates longer-term tennis players. | ||
| So yeah, in the States, it's so much hardcore and it does fuck up your knees. | ||
| It's a great, great sport. | ||
| Yeah, the lack of cushioning on hard surfaces is terrible for your knees. | ||
| Like playing anything outside on concrete, like we have a little basketball net in my backyard and my knees are fucked. | ||
| And just playing with my kids. | ||
| But what are your knees fucked from? | ||
| Jiu-jitsu, kickboxing, everything. | ||
| Impact on the floor or being hit? | ||
| Mostly being twisted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, my knees are just torn. | ||
| This one is actually from... | ||
| I heard this one fairly recently in a kicking competition with a friend of mine. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, I had this machine at the old studio, and it registered how hard you hit. | ||
| And this friend of mine, who's a world champion kickboxer, came in, and he wanted to do this kicking competition with me. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| So, with pants on, 52 years old, fucking slamming roundhouse kicks into this pad, I tore one of my, part of my meniscus. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, it's functional. | ||
| Like, I can, I still kick really hard with it, but afterwards it hurts a little bit. | ||
| It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's one of those things where meniscus is like... | ||
| They're really close to being able to figure out how to regenerate that tissue. | ||
| They're real close. | ||
| And some people bite the bullet and get knee replacements. | ||
| And you can do that now... | ||
| Like it used to be you get your knees resurfaced, you're done. | ||
| But now you get your knees resurfaced and there's guys that are running, they're exercising. | ||
| This one guy that won the Highland Games. | ||
| Jamie, I'm going to send you this guy because it's kind of fucking crazy. | ||
| He won the Highland Games and apparently he was competing without an ACL for a long time and really fucked up his knee. | ||
| And because he fucked up his knee, he got to a point where there was no fixing it. | ||
| Isn't the hip replacement super easy now? | ||
| The hip replacement is doable. | ||
| His name is Matthew Vincent. | ||
| Highland Games. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| Here, hold on a second, Jamie. | ||
| I'll send you his... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I always forget how to do this on Instagram. | |
| Share profile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here it goes. | |
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Yeah, I've been very lucky with knees and ankles and shoulders, but I'm also a comic now. | ||
| I can sleep all day. | ||
| You didn't fuck up your knees at all? | ||
| No, knees not at all. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| You got him? | ||
| Oh yeah, that's him. | ||
| Okay, so this gentleman, he's a gorilla. | ||
| Look at the size of this motherfucker. | ||
| And he won the Highland Games, and he had his knee replaced. | ||
| So go back to his profile. | ||
| So go back to his profile. | ||
| Zoom in on his dick. | ||
| Zoom in on his kayak. | ||
| Go down and you can see him after he had his knee replaced. | ||
| Go down. | ||
| Go down. | ||
| That is some funny pictures. | ||
| Look at somebody's grin. | ||
| So that's after he got his knee replaced. | ||
| So what they do is they open up your knee and then they change the surface. | ||
| So where your cartilage is all torn up, they put this intensely dense plastic on the top of your femur and on the top of your tibia. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And they put those together, and then you heal up. | ||
| And then afterwards, I mean, this guy's... | ||
| Look, he's doing this. | ||
| But go back to his profile pics, because I want to show some of the shit that he can do now. | ||
| Scroll up a little bit. | ||
| So this is after he's... | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Look at the movement this guy can do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| He's got an artificial... | ||
| That's a fake knee. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a fake... | ||
| But it's not a fake knee. | ||
| It's just the surface is no longer cartilage. | ||
| Now the surface is this insanely dense plastic. | ||
| But I mean, go back to that again, please. | ||
| Look at how this man moves. | ||
| I mean, he's a fucking gorilla, but that right knee is what he's pivoting on. | ||
| That right knee is totally resurfaced. | ||
| It used to be you thought, well, you get your knee fixed. | ||
| I've seen people with artificial knees. | ||
| They move like a robot. | ||
| You're real stiff. | ||
| You can't do anything. | ||
| But he has all the original ligaments and tendons. | ||
| I'm sure those have been repaired as well because his ACL was blown out, which was one of the reasons why he had to do it in the first place. | ||
| But he can move now like an athlete. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It didn't used to be the case. | ||
| The body... | ||
| It's amazing, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, but they're not sure... | ||
| The tool we have? | ||
| We're real close to being able to do it with biologics or being able to do it with surgery. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| You just... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Is he moving around in that too? | ||
| Go back to that. | ||
| Because I think he was running. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So he's doing all kinds of different Highland game shit with like kettlebells and clubs and stuff. | ||
| You can do things now with these resurfaced joints that you really couldn't do before. | ||
| So every year they're getting better and better at repairing and replacing. | ||
| But the thing that's interesting to me is... | ||
| Being able to biologically regenerate tissue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They've done a lot of that with stem cells, and they've been able to do a lot of, like, I had a really fucked up shoulder at one point in time, and I had a full-length rotator cuff tear, completely healed from stem cells, completely, where the doctor freaked out. | ||
| When we did a second MRI, he was like, do you understand how crazy this is? | ||
| Like, you had a full-length rotator cuff tear, now you don't have any tear. | ||
| Like, it's gone. | ||
| And now I do everything with this arm. | ||
| I mean, they were saying I was going to need surgery. | ||
| They were like, we're going to probably have to repair that. | ||
| Where did you get the stem cells from? | ||
| It was in Vegas. | ||
| Dr. Rod McGee. | ||
| Shout out to Dr. Rod McGee. | ||
| What up, Dr. Rod? | ||
| Yeah, and I did it with him, and I also did it in a place in LA. I've done stem cells there, too. | ||
| That's in Santa Monica called Lifespan Medicine. | ||
| Shout out to Dr. Ben Ruhi. | ||
| So those guys helped me out tremendously. | ||
| You can prolong the process. | ||
| You can save yourself and you can keep yourself active. | ||
| But I fucking torture my body. | ||
| I do a lot of shit. | ||
| And it's all high impact, explosive. | ||
| I see the sauna pics, dude. | ||
| You're fucking sweating your ass off. | ||
| I do that every day. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every day. | |
| And now, because Texas actually gets really cold, right? | ||
| So in the wintertime, like right now, this morning, I got up, it was like 35 degrees. | ||
| It was cold this morning. | ||
| I went for a jog this morning, yeah. | ||
| So I do a hot sauna for 25 minutes at 185 degrees, and then I do a cold shower for 10 minutes. | ||
| But did you have this... | ||
| The house had the sauna? | ||
| No, I installed it. | ||
| You installed it? | ||
| Yeah, I installed it. | ||
| You gotta miss that California hiking, no? | ||
| I do a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, I enjoyed hiking with the dog. | ||
| That was like my bonding time with the dog. | ||
| But now I just hang out with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love that... | ||
| You can hike here. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| I haven't done that. | ||
| There's trails here. | ||
| Yeah, this is the hill country. | ||
| There's actual hiking trails here. | ||
| But I used to have it right outside my door. | ||
| What's your take on Olympic athletes who have a new knee, hip? | ||
| You know, at what point... | ||
| Do we start regulating that? | ||
| Is that allowed? | ||
| It doesn't offer a performance benefit. | ||
| Unless it offers a performance benefit. | ||
| Yeah, there's no performance benefit in resurfaced knees. | ||
| In fact, it's very unlikely that you're ever going to be able to compete at the same level that someone would do before an injury like that. | ||
| But it might be close. | ||
| The resurfaced knee thing is fascinating to me because it seems like they've got it down to the point where these things aren't failing. | ||
| So these people are doing things like they're doing martial arts, they're running, and the doctors are saying it's okay to run on these things, which is like crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because what they're doing is extremely dense plastic, and they're resurfacing the tops of people's knees with this insanely dense plastic. | ||
| It's crazy that it can live in our body and our immune system doesn't attack it. | ||
| They figured it out. | ||
| I don't know how. | ||
| Your body actually binds to it. | ||
| Your body actually grows into it. | ||
| It takes a while for it to heal, but your body accepts this plastic. | ||
| It's crazy that we can be, we can discover that, and then there's also the people that throw the full McDonald's bag out the window. | ||
| Of civilization, though. | ||
| I know! | ||
| You know, and I find myself too often focusing on the McDonald's bag. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And instead focus on, like, the fact that we've got people that have figured that out or know, I mean, it's unbelievable. | ||
| Well, how about the mRNA vaccine, right? | ||
| Somebody figured out a vaccine. | ||
| They figured out a way to get a COVID vaccine, fast track it, you know, inside of seven, eight, nine months, whatever it took to do this. | ||
| And they're going to be able to launch that. | ||
| And, you know, some people are apprehensive about it. | ||
| But the crazy thing is that they figured out how to do this. | ||
| And for some people... | ||
| These are human beings that coexist with the dumbest amongst us. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Some people are so fucking smart, they know how to engineer vaccines. | ||
| I truly felt this like wave of emotion when I learned that this vaccines that they'd actually achieved and done this it was so impressive to me and there's so much 2020 sucks and capitalism kills everybody and I was like this is fucking awesome you're in Brooklyn yeah I'm in Brooklyn exactly but it's true but I was very like Taken by that. | ||
| That is unbelievable human feat. | ||
| It is, but guess what? | ||
| You need capitalism to do that because those motherfuckers want to get paid. | ||
| Pfizer has a long history. | ||
| You can go back. | ||
| Pfizer has a long history of getting in trouble. | ||
| They have a long history of doing some shady shit. | ||
| And they've cut some corners. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| I could send you some articles, Jamie. | ||
| And did they refuse to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They didn't want to be... | ||
| I can find them. | ||
| Jamie's like, I got them in my pocket. | ||
| Yeah, Pfizer's done some shitty things. | ||
| But, listen, Pfizer fined for hiking epilepsy drug price $2,600. | ||
| Pfizer to pay $2.3 billion agrees to criminal plea. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Pfizer pleads guilty and drug fraud. | ||
| Yeah, they've paid a lot of money because they're capitalists. | ||
| But that's also why they finance something like this. | ||
| They want a windfall at the end of this. | ||
| Like, yeah, they want to help society, and yeah, we love everybody. | ||
| They want money. | ||
| And to help society, it has to be valuable to them. | ||
| To these fucking crooks that make all these vaccines, these people that finance this stuff, they're not crooks. | ||
| They're just capitalists. | ||
| And people don't like that combination of those things that coexist together. | ||
| But that's literally how human beings work. | ||
| I said it before, I am impressed with capitalism from the standpoint of watching small businesses adapt and also this vaccine thing. | ||
| It's crazy to me. | ||
| Now, I also think Pfizer refused to be a part of Operation Warp Speed because they didn't want, like, government to be looking at their shit. | ||
| Which I think is why him and Trump and them had a disagreement about the amount of vaccine. | ||
| But I also kind of like that Pfizer was like, hey, fuck the government. | ||
| We'll do our own thing because we want to do our own secret shit in the lab over here. | ||
| So they went quick. | ||
| Well, they know the amount of money that they're going to generate after selling 300 million vaccines or whatever the fuck they're going to sell. | ||
| It's going to be insane. | ||
| This is going to be a huge financial boon to those people. | ||
| I mean, it's going to be fucking magnificent for their money. | ||
| It's going to go through the roof. | ||
| Vaccines typically are not super profitable, but because every fucking human on Earth is going to get this, yes, it is. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be nuts. | ||
| And it's going to be fucking expensive. | ||
| I wonder how Pfizer stock's doing. | ||
| It might be too late now. | ||
| Likely end up selling close to $14 billion worth worldwide in 2021. Wow. | ||
| And they also do Viagra, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They do all the good stuff. | ||
| Are you going to take the vaccine? | ||
| You already had it, you think? | ||
| I think I already had it, but of course they recommend you take it if you already had it. | ||
| Yeah, I will. | ||
| I'll take the vaccine. | ||
| Yeah, I'm probably going to get shot up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm wondering, though. | ||
| You do it publicly? | ||
| Because you know there'll be pressure on you to do that publicly. | ||
| Will there be? | ||
| By who? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Nobody will put pressure on you, but people are doing it publicly. | ||
| Biden receives first dose bullshit. | ||
| You know what there's in there? | ||
| Steroids. | ||
| They're hooking them up. | ||
| They shot them up with Adderall just to keep them talking. | ||
| I think... | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I think it's good to do it publicly, because I think there are some people that are really afraid and don't, or conspiracy, you know, and I think, I believe in it. | ||
| I believe in it. | ||
| Well, I certainly believe in vaccines. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But this is one of the things that I do believe. | ||
| There's consequences to vaccines for a small percentage of the population, always. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because of the biological variability of human beings. | ||
| But people focus on that a little bit too much. | ||
| But I feel like there was a perception that a vaccine was 100% perfect all the time, and whoever's in charge of vaccinating us has not done a good job explaining to people what you just said, that there will be a small percentage that will have a difficulty with this vaccine. | ||
| Well, this is the thing about COVID, right? | ||
| If you look at the amount of people that get COVID, it's a very small percentage of people who die from it, right? | ||
| It's less than 1%. | ||
| If you look at the amount of people who get vaccinated, it's a very small percentage of people that are going to have a... | ||
| But if we concentrate only on the small percentages in both cases, we have a very distorted perception of what it is. | ||
| You know, one of the things that's happened during this pandemic is the amount of people that have died from heart disease is fucking astronomical. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| It's more than half a million people. | ||
| No, excuse me. | ||
| I think it's in the 600,000 range. | ||
| It's normally the leading cause of American death, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It still is. | |
| It still is. | ||
| But there's no concern with stopping heart disease. | ||
| I was trying to turn this into a joke. | ||
| The... | ||
| Outrage over COVID, and I'm like, because I think it just passed heart disease this year or something. | ||
| I think it's heart disease at 600 plus, and then cancer at 500 plus. | ||
| I had that fucked up in my head. | ||
| I think it's heart disease 6, cancer 500, and then COVID. But it's also COVID plus 2.6 comorbidity factors. | ||
| The actual COVID is only 6%. | ||
| I know. | ||
| So the actual COVID is like 60,000 people from COVID itself, which is still significant. | ||
| It still sucks. | ||
| But it's not just COVID. It's poor health. | ||
| Look, we have a fucking soft existence. | ||
| And there's a lot of people walking around there like human water balloons. | ||
| Just sloshy, gooey, just filled with cake and nonsense. | ||
| They don't take care of their meat vehicle. | ||
| You go to Europe. | ||
| You walk through everywhere. | ||
| If you see from a distance some large people, you get closer to them, they're always wearing an Ohio State t-shirt. | ||
| Sorry, Auburn. | ||
| Whatever you want to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He gets pissed at Ohio State. | |
| You guys didn't even want to play this year. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| There was the COVID thing. | ||
| I'm from Ann Arbor, but I went to University of Illinois. | ||
| Illinois will play everybody because they lose to everybody. | ||
| But it's always a big, baggy American university. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Because it's just sloppy. | ||
| We're sloppy, man. | ||
| We have a lot of food here. | ||
| And the food, a lot of it is really bad for you. | ||
| You know, I mean, we're in Texas. | ||
| There's a lot of food here that will fuck you up if you just eat it only. | ||
| Dude, this morning... | ||
| I could not get a healthy thing of food. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| The hotel, it just has croissant ham cheese. | ||
| It's just shit, dude. | ||
| I'm going to feel hungover after eating it. | ||
| I'm not saying I don't dig that sometimes, but wake up morning, no. | ||
| I had a workout and wanted to... | ||
| And it's just tough. | ||
| It's just tough. | ||
| This is a good city for food. | ||
| There's a lot of good healthy food here. | ||
| You just have to look around. | ||
| I need to know where I'm going. | ||
| Yeah, it's one of those things. | ||
| You've got to find the options. | ||
| There's a lot of healthy people here. | ||
| A lot of people exercising. | ||
| And fortunately, the gyms are open, which I really appreciate. | ||
| That's one of the things that drives me crazy, the fact they closed down gyms. | ||
| Because first of all, for mental health, gyms are... | ||
| It's a real problem with people when they have... | ||
| You know, there's real consequences to people not being able to exercise. | ||
| They go crazy. | ||
| I know I would go crazy. | ||
| I would have to figure out some other way to do it. | ||
| And some people just aren't that industrious. | ||
| They don't find a bodyweight video on YouTube, a bodyweight exercise video. | ||
| They just sulk and get angry. | ||
| And those body weight videos will get you. | ||
| They'll fuck you up, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They will get you. | |
| I never knew which weight my body had when I'm like, those body... | ||
| Dude, I was hotel workouts, fireman workouts, whatever you call them. | ||
| They will get you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what's great? | |
| Those TRX things? | ||
| Do you have a TRX? Is that the band? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Orange Theory has just been putting out a daily workout that's different every day. | ||
| Shout out to them. | ||
| I appreciate them very much for doing that. | ||
| And... | ||
| You know, you just feel better. | ||
| Every problem, if I go through a workout, it just seems more manageable after that. | ||
| A thousand percent. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I say that so often, people are mad at me. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| Shut up about exercising, meathead! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's been very true for me. | ||
| What was I going to fucking say about... | ||
| Bodyweight workouts? | ||
| You're talking about bodyweight workouts kicking your ass? | ||
| Bodyweight workouts are great. | ||
| It was... | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Fucking yoga. | ||
| You could find yoga videos on YouTube. | ||
| All you need is like six square feet around you. | ||
| You don't even need a large area and you can get an amazing workout. | ||
| I dread a yoga workout more than any other workout. | ||
| It's fucking hard! | ||
| Dread. | ||
| I mean, all day I'll go. | ||
| I told myself I promised I would do it, but it is so beneficial. | ||
| I find as I get older, everything needs to be unwound, untangled, and yoga does that. | ||
| But, oh, I fucking hate it. | ||
| You know what it also does? | ||
| It forces you to hold a pose and think. | ||
| It forces you to deal with your own bullshit. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Where it's like, one of the things that I love about kettlebells, right? | ||
| The kettlebells are my favorite weights to lift because you're doing things, you're thinking about these things while you're doing it. | ||
| It requires this coordination, but I don't I have to concentrate too much on myself while I'm doing it. | ||
| I get lost in the movements. | ||
| You know, clean, press, squat. | ||
| Clean, press, squat. | ||
| I'm doing these things. | ||
| But with yoga, when you're holding these poses, you're like, I really do need to clean my fucking office. | ||
| I need to get my shit together. | ||
| Why did I react that way to that person? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| All those things. | ||
| There's a mental cleansing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's an introspective dousing. | ||
| You're forced to think about yourself when you're alone with your thoughts during these poses. | ||
| Maybe that's why I hate it, yeah. | ||
| Also, I find my willingness to quit disturbing. | ||
| When I'm holding a pose, and I know I can hold it for another 10 seconds, but I'm thinking about not. | ||
| I'm thinking about quitting. | ||
| I'm like, hey, pussy, you got 10 more seconds. | ||
| You can't hang in there for 10 more seconds? | ||
| Aren't you approaching it like the kettlebell guy? | ||
| Because wouldn't a yogi say, let your mind... | ||
| Stop doing it. | ||
| I'm like this. | ||
| I'm going to hold this fucking thing. | ||
| I said I'm going to do it. | ||
| But it's like, yo, isn't it supposed to be like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I like Bikrams, right? | ||
| I know Bikram's a scumbag, but... | ||
| There's a few stories. | ||
| He seems like a very sketchy human. | ||
| That's the super, super hot one. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not him. | ||
| Even the idea of doing it in heat, he might have brought it to America, but those poses have existed for thousands of years. | ||
| The poses are what's amazing. | ||
| And what I like about the heat is there's another element that forces your body to produce heat shock proteins. | ||
| And there's actually a study that's being done right now at Harvard showing the positive health benefits of yoga in heat, and they think that it mimics the positive health benefits of sauna. | ||
| So they've done this study in Norway that showed A 40% decrease in all-cause mortality from sauna use. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| Incredible! | ||
| Like, if you go over 20 minutes... | ||
| Man, 20 minutes, four days a week, 40% decrease in stroke, heart attack, cancer, everything. | ||
| So I am all about that. | ||
| I know it's doing something. | ||
| I fucking feel great after I get out of there. | ||
| When I do 25 minutes in the sauna and then 10 minutes of a cold shower afterwards, I just feel like a new human. | ||
| If you could give someone that in a pill, they would take it all day long. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| But they think there's a mimicking of that with hot yoga, and they think that also with hot yoga, you get the exercise benefit as well. | ||
| I've seen people that are in these classes that are in their 60s and 70s, and they look great. | ||
| And they're addicted to it. | ||
| They're in there every day and fit and strong. | ||
| I just think there's a real benefit to that, not just physically, but psychologically. | ||
| I remember I was doing yoga a lot, and some guy rear-ended my car while he was on his phone. | ||
| And I wasn't even angry. | ||
| I got out. | ||
| I was so peaceful. | ||
| I was like, what are you doing, man? | ||
| He's like, I'm sorry I didn't see. | ||
| And I'm like, fuck. | ||
| He didn't even have a driver's license. | ||
| He's from Mexico. | ||
| He's illegal. | ||
| And I was like, dude. | ||
| And I was like, okay, listen, the cops are coming. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I just told him to get out of there. | ||
| I just took off. | ||
| I was like, let's get out of here. | ||
| He's a young guy. | ||
| I go, why are you driving? | ||
| You don't have a license? | ||
| He goes, I got to work. | ||
| But it wasn't, I was like, okay, I get it. | ||
| Hey, here I am, this guy who has this fucking nice car. | ||
| And this guy plowed into me. | ||
| His car was more fucked than mine. | ||
| I drove to the store. | ||
| My rear end of my car was caved in when I got to the store. | ||
| I even made it to my set. | ||
| But I was so calm, and I think it had to be because of yoga. | ||
| I was like, okay. | ||
| I shook his hand. | ||
| I said, I'll see you later. | ||
| He was fucked. | ||
| I mean, that's nice of you. | ||
| Obviously, what are you going to do? | ||
| I'm in a position where it's just money. | ||
| My health was okay. | ||
| He was okay. | ||
| I've fucked up before. | ||
| Everybody's fucked up. | ||
| If you drive, you fuck up. | ||
| But it was one of those things where I'm like, God, I was driving. | ||
| I was like, that's got to be yoga. | ||
| Like, it has to be. | ||
| Because I'm so not concerned. | ||
| I was so relaxed about it. | ||
| It was like a different feeling of, you know, if someone, people can catch you at the wrong time in your life when you're all stressed out in the same exact situation can cause like a really bad reaction. | ||
| And I guess what I was thinking at the time was, I gotta strive to be the person I was when that guy rear-ended me as much as possible. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You were in a state, almost a hypnotic state, that you can probably put yourself in all the time with yoga. | ||
| I sometimes wonder if my workouts are too... | ||
| Explosive is the wrong word. | ||
| Agro? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And then I get done and I do feel this jolt. | ||
| Come on, world! | ||
| I want the guy to hit me so I can beat his ass or something, even though I don't know how to fight. | ||
| So would it benefit me to be in a more chill state? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe that's why I dread yoga so much. | ||
| Maybe, but some people think that that would keep you from getting things done during the day, right? | ||
| Because there's a certain... | ||
| Just like you need capitalism for Pfizer to be able to make a vaccine, sometimes you need a little aggression to get shit done, to be competitive. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| People don't like to hear that, but there's a reason why there's this stereotype of the asshole businessman, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But those asshole businessmen get shit done. | ||
| I want that guy to work with me on my business. | ||
| Yeah, that's a fucking guy who's going crazy and getting cancer. | ||
| Because he's up till 2 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| He calls you up, Mike, we fucking got him! | ||
| We're going to bury these cunts! | ||
| He's like, that's my guy! | ||
| That's the guy you want to be in business with. | ||
| When I played tennis, if I was in super chill state mind, I always played okay, seemed happy, and lost. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And when I was a little bit, like, edgy and like, here we go, like, feet were moving. | ||
| Things were, you know, I could win. | ||
| Well, when I would fight, if I was really confident, I didn't fight well. | ||
| I had to be scared. | ||
| You had to be a little bit scared. | ||
| I would be nervous. | ||
| I remember fighting once in this tournament, and I was winning a lot of tournaments, so I was, like, real relaxed, and I wasn't nervous. | ||
| You were a taekwondo, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And when I went into this tournament, I didn't fight well. | ||
| And I was in the middle of it. | ||
| I was like, God, I've got to shake out of this. | ||
| I was in the middle of a fight. | ||
| I was like, my reactions are slow. | ||
| Because I wasn't nervous. | ||
| You can't be too calm about it. | ||
| I was fighting like shit. | ||
| Whereas when I'm scared, you're on an edge. | ||
| And so much of that is fast twitch reaction. | ||
| You have to be... | ||
| At a hyper alertness. | ||
| You have to be nervous. | ||
| But no one wants to be nervous. | ||
| It's a shitty feeling. | ||
| That feeling of like, before I couldn't sleep, and I was just like, ugh. | ||
| You know, and you can't eat. | ||
| You're all fucking weirded out. | ||
| But that's the only way you perform at your best. | ||
| You have to be pressured. | ||
| I used to hate that with tennis. | ||
| If you couldn't eat, It was so detrimental because you had nerves, but you need that fuel. | ||
| In comedy, I like a little bit of nerves as well. | ||
| I think we all like a little bit of nerves. | ||
| But if I have to skip dinner, I can perform fine. | ||
| I don't eat before I perform. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I can't eat. | ||
| But I remember with tennis, it was extra detrimental because if you're like, and I always think about this with these guys before they're playing Wimbledon finals or whatever. | ||
| And I'm like, if they're anything like me, I was playing like a shitty minor league tournament and I couldn't sleep well because I'd be nervous about the match. | ||
| They're getting ready to play for like 2 million euros, Wimbledon final. | ||
| Are they just waking up and like crushing French toast? | ||
| Like, no, they're probably nervous. | ||
| They have to be. | ||
| Everything relies on... | ||
| I just can't imagine making a living off of my tissue. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Hoping all this stuff stays together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then some of them are doing wild shit on top of that, like fucking skiing and all kinds of other stuff. | ||
| God, you're putting yourself at risk all the time. | ||
| Then they'll hurt their shoulder moving their suitcase. | ||
| You just wasted fucking $15 million worth of money. | ||
| Did you used to eat a specific amount of time before you would play? | ||
| I would try to be on a little bit of a schedule, but where I was playing, I was playing minor league pro tournaments, I was in weird places, man. | ||
| You know, it was always like a different cuisine. | ||
| I was in like Kumamoto City, Japan. | ||
| And then I was in Z-Wantanejo, Mexico. | ||
| And then I was in some small windmill town in the Netherlands. | ||
| And it's like, you know, these aren't big tournaments with like catering and shit. | ||
| This is like, I got to get myself to the courts. | ||
| I got to pay for the taxi. | ||
| I got to find a breakfast and like... | ||
| So lots of times your shit was messed up, you know? | ||
| I would travel from the States with tons of granola and stuff just so I knew I could have some fuel. | ||
| I don't think the average sports fan at all ever thinks about the fuel that has to go into these athletes. | ||
| And I always wonder, American football players at halftime, they must be eating. | ||
| No? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Like, they must be, that locker room talk, yeah, they're probably eating. | ||
| Well, those fucking guys are gigantic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking disgusting. | |
| They have to have food constantly. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Yeah, but the thing about football, too, is like, you know, that's a long-ass game. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| There's no way you're going to be exploding like that. | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| Can you get by on just electrolyte drinks and some protein drinks and stuff like that? | ||
| More and more now. | ||
| He's the fastest guy in the league. | ||
| He was caught, they're saying, but drinking a shot of pickle juice on the sideline, like in a little liquor bottle. | ||
| Is pickle juice bad? | ||
| No, it's like electrolytes. | ||
| It's sodium. | ||
| I like pickle juice. | ||
| Yeah, pickle juice is sodium. | ||
| So would they think he was drinking booze? | ||
| They didn't know what it was, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| It looks like an alcohol from a... | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| He's drinking green. | ||
| But what alcohol is green like that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why would he be drinking alcohol in front of everybody? | ||
| They thought he was getting drunk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| I just make jokes. | ||
| Are you allowed to? | ||
| What? | ||
| Are you allowed to have like a shot of whiskey while you're on the sidelines? | ||
| That's an interesting question. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Certainly not performance enhancing. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| Weightlifters do it, right? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of weightlifters do. | ||
| Oh, do they? | ||
| Yeah, they drink. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never done it. | ||
| If you can do a breathing of a smelling salts to get a little excitement. | ||
| Well, I think those smelling salts, though, they crack those salts like powerlifters do, and they breathe that shit in, and they just... | ||
| And they lift weights. | ||
| But a lot of gay dudes like to do those before they... | ||
| Really? | ||
| Smelling salts? | ||
| Yeah, amyl nitrate. | ||
| Yeah, but I think that's different. | ||
| Are those poppers? | ||
| Yeah, that's poppers. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I think that's different than smelling salts. | ||
| What if I just knew all about them right now? | ||
| Yeah, oh yeah, I got some right here. | ||
| Are they like these? | ||
| This is what I used to buttfuck. | ||
| These... | ||
| A male nitrate is apparently like, that stuff is terrible. | ||
| It gives you like almost instant brain damage. | ||
| It's really bad for the brain. | ||
| I was just about to say that I would actually try one of those just to see. | ||
| A friend of mine who's a doctor was telling me it was a significant issue in the gay community. | ||
| Because not only is it really bad for your brain, it also devastates your immune system. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| It's really bad. | ||
| Like, apparently that stuff is like, they enjoy it. | ||
| Some folks enjoy it because it makes them like wild and loose. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But it just, your body's like, fuck you. | ||
| What did you just do to us? | ||
| It loosens up the, doesn't it loosen up their asshole or something? | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Is this homophobic? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| We love gay people. | ||
| It's not about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're just talking about bodies and chemicals. | ||
| I know that rugby players like to booze a little, but during the game... | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Yeah, and with tennis, there's no clock in tennis, so some of these matches, pro matches, can be four or five hours, so they definitely have refueling strategies during the match, 100%. | ||
| Do you do like bananas? | ||
| Bananas are like a safe bet, right? | ||
| Yeah, bananas are a safe bet, but I think now it's like these gels, these high fructose... | ||
| Like bikers use, right? | ||
| Yes, correct. | ||
| Because you got to, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You start making mental errors and body breaks down. | ||
| I do a lot of fasted workouts, but one thing I never did fasted was jujitsu because you just get fucking strangled. | ||
| So what would you eat? | ||
| Oh, I'd eat fruit, mostly fruit. | ||
| In the morning, I'd say if I took a 10 a.m. | ||
| class and I'm up at 8, I'm eating a lot of fruit. | ||
| It has to be something like that. | ||
| I can eat fruit and then work out hard right afterwards. | ||
| Like apples or something like that. | ||
| Your body's not working too hard to break it down. | ||
| You're not doing like chicken parm before your jujitsu workout? | ||
| No, but I've done it. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| For whatever reason, pasta is the worst. | ||
| Pasta with cheese and sauce. | ||
| It's like you ate a brick. | ||
| Sometimes I'll get food to go, especially now, because everything's to go, and I'll be carrying it, and it's just so heavy. | ||
| And I'm going, this is all going to be in me. | ||
| All of this weight and this density that I'm carrying is going to be in my body, and that's fucking gross. | ||
| Well, I don't work out nearly as much as I used to, because I still work out a lot, but when I was doing jujitsu a lot, I was working out An hour and a half, multiple days a week, and then lifting weights on those other days. | ||
| So I could basically eat whatever the fuck I wanted to. | ||
| You're burning so much. | ||
| But the problem is, I'm a glutton, and I really enjoyed being able to eat whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted to. | ||
| And then I tried to carry that on, and now I have to be careful, because I eat so much. | ||
| The volume of food I eat is so astonishing to me sometimes. | ||
| And literally, it packs into my stomach, and I look down, and I'm like, you are so disgusting! | ||
| Are you eating too fast? | ||
| No, I'm just a fucking glutton. | ||
| This is the right state for you, man. | ||
| Dude, I am done eating. | ||
| I'm not hungry anymore. | ||
| And I'm still eating. | ||
| That's a really gross thing about Americans. | ||
| We eat until we are full. | ||
| We use this term full. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Other cultures eat until they're no longer hungry. | ||
| I have to run out of the kitchen. | ||
| Because if I don't, I'll start eating. | ||
| Someone gave us a tin of this caramel popcorn. | ||
| Dude, don't even fucking start me on that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit, is it good? | |
| I know. | ||
| You can just go like this. | ||
| I'm eating fistfuls of this. | ||
| I'm like, how many calories is this? | ||
| I'm looking at the volume of the popcorn I ate. | ||
| I'm like, how much sugar is in that? | ||
| That's so much food. | ||
| And I'm eating that after I ate dinner. | ||
| Because after you ate, if someone gives you something salty or sweet, you can keep going. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| That's like the trick that those competitive eaters do. | ||
| As long as you have fries, you can keep eating. | ||
| Because the sodium just doesn't send the signals or something? | ||
| It's like your body's like, yeah, pour more of that shit in here. | ||
| Let's keep going. | ||
| I had heard a theory that... | ||
| Genetically, that's how we were with sugar, because it was so hard to get this in our olden times that now it's like, Skittles, it's this big, keep going. | ||
| We need to load up on the sugar. | ||
| You have this opportunity for sugar. | ||
| Also, we've hijacked our system, right? | ||
| Because our body has no idea why the sugar is alone. | ||
| Why is the sugar not attached to fruit? | ||
| What the fuck is it? | ||
| Get it in there. | ||
| Let's get it all in there. | ||
| Sugar is crazy. | ||
| We did a story on sugar in Florida and how... | ||
| The industry would start polluting the oceans and it was creating the red tide that was killing all the manatees and it was fucking like they'd been dumping all of their nitrates that were a fertilizer for sugar in Lake Okeechobee in the center of Florida and it was hanging out at the bottom of the water and then eventually through a rainstorm it would come up and go to the ocean and it was like killing everything. | ||
| They had to shut down the beaches blah blah blah. | ||
| Trying to investigate sugar and sugar companies? | ||
| Watch out, dude. | ||
| They're fucking on it. | ||
| Sugar is scary. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| We couldn't get anyone to talk on camera. | ||
| We could not get an investigative journalist. | ||
| We could not get a local journalist. | ||
| We could not get a local person to go on camera and discuss their experiences with the sugar industry. | ||
| Also, it's people in Florida. | ||
| Also, it's dumbasses in Florida. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's fucked up. | ||
| I always say, why are they doing this to make sugar cheaper? | ||
| I'll pay a little more money if you take care of the environment, sugar companies, and I'll pay a little more for my sugar. | ||
| But that's not the way things work. | ||
| That's not capitalism. | ||
| But yeah, this idea you have of like, oh, I'll just pay more. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| We'll just charge you more. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We'll just do the right thing. | ||
| And then someone else is going to call on like, oh yeah, fuck you. | ||
| We're going to charge less and we're going to undercut you and we're going to get a hold of your distributors and we're going to talk to the people that you're selling to and we're going to look, I'll sell you this shit for half price and I'm going to poison some alligators. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| And our stock will shoot through the roof. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Well, that's the problem with this idea that we have of corporations. | ||
| When you have a CEO, that CEO is responsible every year for making sure they make more money every year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it has to grow infinitely. | ||
| When do you stop? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you blow up the world. | |
| That would be an interesting regulation, if you could only grow your company a certain amount each year. | ||
| What if you hit the jackpot, and you have this amazing device, and it's sold like crazy, and then they go, oh, you're making too much money now. | ||
| Well, that's some kind of communism. | ||
| Well, like Zoom. | ||
| Zoom is up 775% this year. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Their stock and their earnings. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But if you're Zoom, you're going, okay, this is the year we got to capitalize, whatever. | ||
| And by the way, good job to Zoom. | ||
| I mean, no one really used Zoom that I was aware of. | ||
| And then this shit happened. | ||
| And my Zoom always works. | ||
| Works pretty good. | ||
| It works pretty good. | ||
| Skype has got to be like, hey guys, what the fuck? | ||
| What about us? | ||
| I've been kind of impressed by, like, more or less my Zooms are always working. | ||
| But, yeah, when does it stop? | ||
| It doesn't. | ||
| It doesn't. | ||
| It doesn't end. | ||
| I think the funniest thing about Zoom is the people that get a hold of Zoom conference calls. | ||
| That shit is funny. | ||
| They dive in. | ||
| They hack in. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| They show people their assholes. | ||
| You should do that with Joey Diaz's thing. | ||
| That's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| Well, so many people got in trouble this year from doing things on Zoom calls where they thought that they were muted. | ||
| They thought that that guy from The New Yorker got caught jerking off in the middle of a conference call. | ||
| How horny is that guy? | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| Some people are just addicted. | ||
| They are really addicted to jerking off. | ||
| They're really addicted to porn. | ||
| And I don't think we realize it until you see a guy like that who's a prominent journalist. | ||
| He's not a fool. | ||
| The undoing of Jeffrey Toobin. | ||
| The leading man of legal journalism lost his sweetest gig. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| Did he lose the gig? | ||
| Oh yeah, they fired him. | ||
| For jerking off on a Zoom call? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| It was a mistake, though, and I think he... | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't matter. | ||
| He apologized. | ||
| But you can't jerk off and still be working for The New Yorker. | ||
| I guess you have to not jerk off ever. | ||
| Or we can't know about it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You definitely can't do it in front of the people that you work with. | ||
| I mean, if he was naked by accident, I don't know. | ||
| I think some people saw it. | ||
| And then it was, wasn't it like on a press call and someone from Vulture like turned it over or something? | ||
| It was like, I don't know. | ||
| It was some, it was some journalists could have just been like, okay, we saw it. | ||
| No way they can sell with that. | ||
| If he was, that's like the sugar companies trying to make less money. | ||
| No chance. | ||
| If he was having sex with his wife, would he have by accident, would he have lost his job? | ||
| No. | ||
| Maybe, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe? | |
| Yeah, if she came in the room and started blowing them, they'd be like, you're a psycho. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that we're creating just total hypotheticals now. | |
| Jeffrey Toobin's wife is sucking his... | ||
| He was seen lowering and raising his computer camera, exposing and touching his penis, and motioning an on-air kiss to someone other than his colleagues. | ||
| Oh, so there was someone with him. | ||
| So he was having Zoom sex. | ||
| Oh, it wasn't a full-out sexual act, but it was much more than a second. | ||
| What does MX Guessen say? | ||
| What is MX? Is that a new gender thing? | ||
| Is that a new thing? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Fuck off! | ||
| MX. Why are you laughing? | ||
| You sons of bitches. | ||
| MX. So he wasn't... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What is MX? Is that Latinx? | ||
| MX? I don't know. | ||
| I can't keep track. | ||
| Not Mr. Not Mrs. MX? Is that new? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| It's a new thing! | ||
| Gender Neutral MX is used as a title for those who do not identify as being a particular gender. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, you fuck. | ||
| You fucking crazy people. | ||
| It already has a Wikipedia page. | ||
| Gender Neutral Honorific? | ||
| What is an honorific? | ||
| Have you ever heard that expression? | ||
| No. | ||
| Honorific for those who don't wish to be identified by gender. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
| Everybody wants to be special. | ||
| I'm changing all my names to Mx. | ||
| Mx or Mx? | ||
| Mx. | ||
| I'm going to call myself Mx Rogan. | ||
| Mx Rogan. | ||
| Mx Rogan. | ||
| Mx. | ||
| Mx. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So, he probably was doing, like, he probably had a chat with, he probably had, he was probably addicted to, like... | ||
| Porn cam girl or some shit. | ||
| Yeah, cam girl. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's what happens to these dorks. | ||
| Like, guys who don't know any girls like that in real life, and then they have this online relationship with some gal, and they send her Bitcoin every day and jerk off in front of her. | ||
| And these girls make a lot of money with these guys. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They're also doing really well during this pandemic. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, unfortunately, a lot of gals who would have done other things have now resorted to that. | ||
| And, you know, the problem is that's going to... | ||
| That could possibly haunt them and haunt their reputation as they move on. | ||
| People take on screen grabs. | ||
| Assume it's being recorded. | ||
| And then what if you go on to do other things and now you have a regular job, you're working for a law firm and someone's like, that's funny because she used to finger herself while I'm marked off. | ||
| That is crazy about Jeffrey Toobin. | ||
| I thought it was just like super embarrassing and you're an idiot, but I didn't think he lost his fuck. | ||
| I mean, that's a tough job to get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now it's gone? | |
| That's a tough job to get. | ||
| And he apparently was very good. | ||
| He was very good at it. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ, just suspend the guy for a week. | ||
| Just suspend him. | ||
| You know, like the embarrassment of it alone. | ||
| Did he do his job well? | ||
| He's probably married, kids, all that shit. | ||
| Did he do his job well? | ||
| He did. | ||
| He was good. | ||
| So what the fuck? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Did you not appreciate the guy for what he's done? | ||
| And an immediate apology. | ||
| I think it was like an hour later, like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. | ||
| He didn't do it on purpose. | ||
| He legitimately made a mistake. | ||
| It's not like he's just being a creep. | ||
| You shouldn't get fired for a mistake like that. | ||
| Everything he did was legal. | ||
| He just didn't know. | ||
| He probably bored as fuck during these calls. | ||
| He's like, I know what I'll do. | ||
| I'm going to mute my camera and beat one off real quick. | ||
| It probably was much better. | ||
| Like, if he had done it and got away with it, he'd probably have done it many times before and gotten away with it. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| And he probably was, like, way better on the calls. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm amicable to this. | ||
| That is a good idea. | ||
| I'm so relaxed. | ||
| We're up, like, 25% more meetings now. | ||
| People in the workplace are reportedly having 25% more meetings now. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because of fucking Zoom. | ||
| Everyone is just feeling like, let's connect, let's do it. | ||
| So he's probably like, this is the best way to get off these dumb meetings. | ||
| It's a good idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But people do get addicted to those kind of chat gals. | ||
| Well, they're probably enticing, right? | ||
| It's like a stripper. | ||
| But you have a one-on-one relationship with this person through the camera. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's wild. | |
| But you pay them. | ||
| Well, this is just the beginning. | ||
| Wait till you get these augmented reality headsets, and then you're in the room with them, and then you put this harness on your old cock and balls, and next thing you know, you're in some suit, some fucking wet suit, haptic feedback suit, and you literally can feel everything, and you're having sex with this person. | ||
| You think you're having sex with them. | ||
| Yeah, that's gonna happen. | ||
| That's in our lifetime. | ||
| That's in our lifetime. | ||
| In our lifetime, there'll be virtual sex that will be indistinguishable from regular sex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In a matter of time. | ||
| As soon as Elon Musk comes up with this fucking Neuralink thing and they open up a quarter-sized hole in your skull and screw this thing in place and these wires are gonna go straight to your pleasure center. | ||
| There was a woman that lived in the 1970s, and she had some sort of a problem with pain medication, like an allergy to pain medication. | ||
| So they hooked her up to this device, and it literally put a wire into her pleasure centers, and it gave her a button. | ||
| And when she was feeling pain, she would hit this button. | ||
| But this button was also causing her to orgasm. | ||
| So she was just hammering that button. | ||
| They said that she developed a blister on the finger that she used to hit the button. | ||
| And she also was constantly begging them to take it out and then fighting with them when they tried to take it out. | ||
| And she also was trying to adjust the amplitude of the thing to jack it up, to make it higher. | ||
| So she was trying to hack into this device that they gave her. | ||
| I mean, isn't this like the rat and cocaine thing, where they'll stop eating and just go for it, even though they know it's killing them? | ||
| Well, even more so, rat and orgasms. | ||
| They've actually done experiments on rats and gave them the ability to have orgasms. | ||
| It's sort of the same thing. | ||
| They've adjusted these rats' pleasure centers, and they stopped eating, and they just were coming all the time. | ||
| Rats just fucking zap. | ||
| That's really sad that she's asking for it to take it out. | ||
| Oh yeah, she was begging them to take it out and then fighting them when they tried to take it out. | ||
| Is this the thing? | ||
| For the Orgasmatron. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| The Orgasmatron? | ||
| Is that hers? | ||
| I don't know if that's the exact one she had, but there's a couple articles about this device that could be attached directly to your spinal cord. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I had a bit about it for a while, but I couldn't really figure out a way to make it work right. | ||
| Well, this is just a matter of time for it. | ||
| That's an app on your phone. | ||
| 25 grand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just a matter of time. | ||
| Hey, what happens if I got to run to the restroom? | ||
| Can I do that? | ||
| Good, good, good. | ||
| You guys pause it or what? | ||
| Yeah, we're good. | ||
| We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen, with more Michael Costa and Cumming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Segway. | |
| How much time before there is an app like that where you can just press a button on your phone and nut in your pants? | ||
| Spoiler alert, anyone listening for Ready Player 2? | ||
| I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but that is sort of where they take that. | ||
| In the movie, there was a scene where they were making out, right? | ||
| She was touching him and he could feel it? | ||
| Yes, but they wouldn't have been able to feel that. | ||
| They could experience it, but not feel it. | ||
| The new book, the next generation, it's all feeling everything with no consequences in your real life. | ||
| Drugs, everything. | ||
| Oh, that's going to happen. | ||
| I'm not going to ruin the story, but it sounds awesome because it just takes over everything that was going on in the Oasis and now everyone's just living these experiences. | ||
| You know, that's one of the things that McKenna predicted in terms of worldwide or widespread psychedelic use is that they were going to figure out a way to recreate the DMT experience in some sort of augmented or virtual reality. | ||
| He was explaining... | ||
| The last time I was listening to it, it got... | ||
| I wonder if that would work, though, because the way he explains how it works in the book, he was going to experience someone doing heroin, but without the... | ||
| Addictive qualities of it. | ||
| But if you don't have the addictive qualities of it, are you really experiencing what heroin is like? | ||
| Because if you're just experiencing the euphoria, but you're not getting that, like, chase the dragon, you're not really experiencing it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's also probably part of it where you know it's dangerous and bad for you. | ||
| That's part of what the lure of a lot of these drugs is the self-destructive aspect of it. | ||
| And there's no risk in this situation. | ||
| Just talking about shooting heroin. | ||
| I mean, it must be good, right? | ||
| Has to be. | ||
| I never talked to Hedberg about it, but I remember before he died, they tried to get him to kick it, and he was like, no fucking way. | ||
| I'm okay to die from this. | ||
| He had no desire to kick it. | ||
| He had gangrene at one point in time, and he was in the hospital, and they were really worried that he was going to... | ||
| And he eventually wound up dying later of something similar, but he wasn't interested in kicking it. | ||
| He's like, nope. | ||
| I mean, it's crazy that we have created something that we want that badly to our own, that will create our own death. | ||
| What's crazy is how many artists used it, you know, and had amazing music, in Hedberg's case, amazing comedy that's directly influenced by that. | ||
| Do you think... | ||
| The heroin benefited his comedy? | ||
| Or do you think his brain was just a great comedy brain and he got addicted to heroin? | ||
| That's a sober person conversation. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I think they're connected. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I don't know if you would have been the same guy without heroin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You obviously had a brilliant brain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But was that brilliant brain influenced... | ||
| By heroin. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's a show that I'm watching, The Queen's Gambit. | ||
| Have you seen that show? | ||
| I've watched it, yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, she had a tranquilizer thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was so happy that they gave her some flaws. | ||
| I thought at first it was going to be... | ||
| This beautiful woman who excels at chess and that's it. | ||
| I was really happy with that. | ||
| And what episode are you on? | ||
| Two. | ||
| I just finished two. | ||
| Where is she right now? | ||
| Where is she living right now? | ||
| She was living that... | ||
| I don't want to say. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| But she'd been adopted. | ||
| Yeah, okay, so I really love the other female character, the mother character. | ||
| It's fucking great, too. | ||
| Yeah, also flawed. | ||
| All realistic, man. | ||
| Like, heavy-duty shit makes you, first of all, really appreciate the writing. | ||
| Whoever wrote that, fucking kudos. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Kudos to you. | ||
| Fucking great writing. | ||
| You don't see anything coming. | ||
| Everything's just really interesting. | ||
| I made an Instagram post about it. | ||
| It used to be that films were the really interesting things, but now films sort of pale in comparison to these Netflix-type shows, these streaming shows, whether it's Hulu or Amazon has Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and a bunch of other great shows. | ||
| Those shows are the best entertainment. | ||
| Because they're serial. | ||
| Like, you follow it over episode after episode, you know? | ||
| HBO, Game of Thrones, Sopranos, yeah. | ||
| I find that those streaming platforms with documentaries make six episodes and they should make two. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of them. | ||
| And I'm like, God, stop stretching this fucking thing out. | ||
| The Vow on HBO, I'm like, it was ten episodes? | ||
| It was just this guy driving around L.A. with voiceover. | ||
| What is The Vow? | ||
| It's the one about... | ||
| Is that the sex cult? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's not a sex... | ||
| I mean, it is a sex cult. | ||
| We find out in a different documentary on the Stars Network. | ||
| The HBO documentary is literally just this one guy... | ||
| I don't recommend it. | ||
| The Vow. | ||
| I recommend the Stars version, which I forget what that's called. | ||
| But on the other hand, like Wild Wild Country, they needed a bunch of episodes for that. | ||
| Which one was that? | ||
| The West Virginians? | ||
| No, that was the one... | ||
| No, that's the Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| But that's just a documentary. | ||
| The wild, wild country is the Oregon cult where they took over a town and they poisoned all the people. | ||
| That cult is wild. | ||
| That needed episodes because you had to see the beginning. | ||
| I remember my friend Todd, who's super straight-laced, a real great guy, but he watched the first episode. | ||
| He goes, the first episode, I was like, man, I want to live like them. | ||
| They're all living in this hippie commune. | ||
| They're all free love and sex and everybody's happy and chanting. | ||
| It seems like a great, fun time. | ||
| And then as it goes on, you realize that it gets really dark and it gets really crazy. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But that's a wonderful job by the filmmakers. | ||
| Oh, they nailed it. | ||
| To get you to go, hey, I could join that thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That'd be fun. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Okay, I haven't seen that show. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You have to see it. | ||
| It's really good because in the beginning, you realize the appeal of this, first of all, this Osho guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not it. | |
| That's not him. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That looks like the dude with the nose. | ||
| What's that dude? | ||
| Owen Wilson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that guy. | |
| The dude with the nose. | ||
| The Osho guy is a really interesting guy. | ||
| I actually bought his book. | ||
| I was reading one of his books that is like a philosophy book or a book of his perspective. | ||
| Is that Owen Wilson? | ||
| No, that's the actual Osho guy with someone's son who he didn't pay enough attention to when he was a boy. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| Yeah, but that cult, I mean, they were all doing drugs and having free sex and free love, and they bought a fucking town. | ||
| And the guy, that Osho guy, had like eight Rolls Royces, had these diamond-encrusted Rolexes, he's balling out of control. | ||
| He was making shitloads of money, and they bought a fucking town, and everybody was working for him, and they were all living together. | ||
| Where was his finances coming from? | ||
| The donations from all the people. | ||
| Bro, they had Hollywood people that were donating. | ||
| I don't want to tell you too much, because it is... | ||
| I'll check it out. | ||
| First of all, I couldn't believe that I didn't know about this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it was so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I talked to some friends that live in Oregon. | ||
| They're like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Yeah, we knew about this. | ||
| This is nuts. | ||
| Like, they bought a fucking town. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, they bought a town. | ||
| And then, in order to take over the town, they bust in homeless people. | ||
| So they took in all these homeless people, brought them into the community, and then used these homeless people so they could vote. | ||
| As you say, I don't even know if you can... | ||
| Can you... | ||
| Create a jurisdiction for yourself? | ||
| Well, what they did was they brought these homeless people in so that they overwhelmed the population. | ||
| They had so many people that they can control the voting. | ||
| But then they eventually got rid of all the homeless people and the homeless people felt like really abandoned. | ||
| But it was kind of sad. | ||
| It was very sad. | ||
| Because, I mean, I'm giving a lot of this away, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's still amazing. | ||
| The homeless people, a lot of them just, you know, like many homeless people, They're missing community and love, and they find themselves alone. | ||
| Now, all of a sudden, they got brought into this cult, and they felt like they finally had something. | ||
| Like, I'm here, and I will live my life here. | ||
| These are my people. | ||
| These are my family. | ||
| I'll do anything for them. | ||
| And they were willing to do anything for them. | ||
| And then they just used them for voting. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It was terrible! | ||
| And the lady, Sheila, who ran the show was the most ruthless bitch and she's still alive. | ||
| She's still alive. | ||
| She's in another country now. | ||
| She got extradited because she got tried with attempted murder and she tried to poison people. | ||
| And this is one movie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, no, it's several hours. | ||
| It's like four episodes. | ||
| And it's worth it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I want to watch it again. | ||
| I might watch it again tomorrow. | ||
| I might watch it tonight after I'm talking to you. | ||
| I'm all excited about it. | ||
| Queen's Gambit is excellent. | ||
| Costume designing is excellent. | ||
| Her outfits, I felt like I was into female fashion. | ||
| I'm like, oh, look how the purse is going with the... | ||
| I like that they're flawed. | ||
| I'm really happy now that we are creating female characters that aren't just heroic. | ||
| They're also super fucked up. | ||
| At first, the pendulum was swinging. | ||
| It was female characters, and they're all perfect and smarter than the man and more athletic. | ||
| And now it's like, hey, can we even this out and make them flawed just like anyone else? | ||
| And I like that they're doing that. | ||
| Well, I love strong female characters when they make sense. | ||
| What I don't love is like Star Wars. | ||
| When they're making like Laura Dern and what's her name? | ||
| They're making them the generals and you're like, what? | ||
| And they're telling everybody what to do and it doesn't make sense. | ||
| They don't have the right voice for that. | ||
| You just forced diversity down everybody's throat. | ||
| I know what you did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Whereas like... | ||
| Alien is my favorite version. | ||
| Sigourney Weaver was fucking amazing and she's the hero of the movie. | ||
| And you know, my friend Matt just told me this, that they didn't have a gender in mind when they cast that. | ||
| They just cast the best actress. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
| And it turned out to be Sigourney Weavner. | ||
| They tried men. | ||
| They tried everybody. | ||
| Like, that character, Ripley, could have been anybody. | ||
| Could have been a boy, a girl. | ||
| Didn't matter. | ||
| But she was perfect for it. | ||
| Didn't matter whether or not she was a woman. | ||
| But she was so good, they cast her, and no one gave a fuck that she was a woman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it was just awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| I agree with you on that. | ||
| I went down a pathway with Queen's Gambit where I was like, is this a true story? | ||
| Because if this is true that there was this beautiful, young, flawed woman, that's very interesting to me. | ||
| It's not a true story. | ||
| There's a lot of people on the internet who think that it is a true story. | ||
| It's based off a book, but... | ||
| Chess sales are through the roof. | ||
| You couldn't get a chess board when that thing came out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that hilarious? | ||
| Chess sales were going crazy. | ||
| Chess is a beautiful sport. | ||
| And, much like long-form conversation we have here, long-form game. | ||
| I mean, months you could really play. | ||
| They get into speed chess in that show. | ||
| But you can play chess forever, man. | ||
| Yeah, I'm scared of chess. | ||
| I'm terrible at chess and I don't want to get good at it because I think it's something I would get absorbed with. | ||
| I remember there was a time where Howard Stern got obsessed with chess and he was taking chess lessons when he was talking about it on the show. | ||
| Yeah, and I remember thinking, oh, he's an obsessive. | ||
| I think he eventually bailed and stopped. | ||
| Stopped doing it, but I've had problems with video games. | ||
| I've had problems with pool. | ||
| I used to play pool competitively, and I get real obsessed with games. | ||
| And chess seems to be the most intense of all intellectual games. | ||
| It's going to trigger the shit out of your intellectual... | ||
| What kind of billiards would you play? | ||
| Nine ball? | ||
| Yeah, nine ball, ten ball, straight pool. | ||
| I played a lot of all those games, but I played a lot of pool. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| I played a lot of tournaments. | ||
| Yeah, to the point where I have... | ||
| I have a table in my old studio. | ||
| I have a table at home. | ||
| I collect pool cues. | ||
| I have a bunch of pool cues. | ||
| Pool cues are fucking cool. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Especially when they unscrew and you take the fucking briefcase. | ||
| The color of money. | ||
| The color of money. | ||
| What's in the case? | ||
| In here? | ||
| Doom. | ||
| That is such a good movie. | ||
| My brother Todd got obsessed with pool and we had a pool table in our basement. | ||
| But it was like classic Midwest basement in that it couldn't It wasn't fully unobstructed. | ||
| So we had this weight-bearing pole right here. | ||
| If you ever had to go in the middle... | ||
| You had to do all this creative shit. | ||
| Short stick, we sawed one down. | ||
| But Todd got really in the pool. | ||
| My dad took us to the nine-ball championships one year down in West Virginia. | ||
| And we're like, you know, these guys are like... | ||
| Excellent at pool. | ||
| I mean they'll run racks after racks and it was like wild how the brain is not how my brain works but my brother's brain would be like one ball there two ball there is you're gonna move it off here and that's like geometry chess it's all like that yeah it is and it's also finesse and touch yeah and feel yeah and great sounds yeah it's also a sport that thrives on drugs Really? | ||
| Like an Adderall type situation? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because they would gamble and they would play for 15, 16 hours. | ||
| The thing about Pulu is that they would play until someone quit. | ||
| That was like the gentleman's rule? | ||
| You would never quit on somebody when you were ahead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If you quit on someone when you're ahead, people would be mad at you. | ||
| If you played for two hours and you won $1,000 and you're like, we'll play again tomorrow, they'd be like, fuck you, stay. | ||
| And people would get mad at you. | ||
| They would really get upset and you would have a hard time getting a game because you'd be a guy that quits while you're up. | ||
| So you have to wipe out your opponent until they say, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| Yeah, it's like to the death. | ||
| To the death. | ||
| Yeah, it's like amongst top players, unless there was an agreement. | ||
| Like, you could make an agreement. | ||
| You could make an agreement, we will play two sets. | ||
| I'll play you two sets, race to 20 for X amount of dollars per set, but we're going to make an agreement right now of two sets. | ||
| That's rare, though. | ||
| Most of the time, they would post up, and they would play until guys went broke. | ||
| Like The Hustler. | ||
| The Hustler with Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman... | ||
| That was the theme of the movie, is that Paul Newman is winning for like 15, 16 hours, and then Jackie Gleason has character, and Paul Newman is self-destructive, and eventually Jackie Gleason overcomes him. | ||
| I don't know if I've ever seen The Hustler, but obviously that has helped Paul Newman get cast in Color of Money. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| It was based on Color of Money. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| That's what I wasn't sure. | ||
| In fact, the Color of Money was the sequel. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I didn't realize that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were both written by, I think, Walter Tevis is the guy who wrote it. | ||
| But I've read the books, too. | ||
| They're pretty similar. | ||
| The character in the second movie is different. | ||
| There's a lot of things in Color of Money that are different than made for Tom Cruise. | ||
| But in The Hustler... | ||
| Paul Newman retires because he makes a deal with this mob guy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And at the end of it, he quits playing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So he's retired from pool. | ||
| And then he meets Tom Cruise many decades later. | ||
| I see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I want to say 63? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Somewhere around then. | ||
| That's when that movie came out. | ||
| And so Color of Money is like 1984 or something like that. | ||
| I fucking loved Color of Money when it came out. | ||
| That made pool go through the roof. | ||
| People started playing pool like crazy. | ||
| And people in the pool world have always said they need a movie like the Color of Money. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And pool hall junkies some people liked, but it never really had the same impact. | ||
| It wasn't that good. | ||
| It was okay. | ||
| Like some people liked it, but... | ||
| They couldn't really play. | ||
| If a person who plays pool like I watch, it would be very frustrating for me. | ||
| Because if you were watching someone play tennis... | ||
| Dude, it fucking infuriates me. | ||
| Any commercial with tennis, they're holding the racket wrong. | ||
| It's like, just get anyone that plays tennis to quickly advise you on the right grip. | ||
| And now I'm like, but all I can focus on is that. | ||
| And... | ||
| I believe Color of Money, I remember reading about it that they locked Tom Cruise in a room for three months and taught him how to shoot his grip. | ||
| Tom Cruise worked with Mike Siegel. | ||
| Mike Siegel is one of the greatest pool players that's ever lived. | ||
| Multiple-time world champion, literally one of the all-time greats. | ||
| I've had the opportunity to play Mike Siegel. | ||
| I played him. | ||
| I hung out with him. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| And he was also left-handed, just like Tom Cruise. | ||
| And Tom Cruise was left-handed. | ||
| Yeah, and he taught Tom Cruise. | ||
| And Tom Cruise looks like a guy who can play a little. | ||
| Paul Newman in The Hustler does not really look like a guy who can play. | ||
| He does a lot of goofy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But Jackie Gleason could play. | |
| Jackie Gleason literally plays like a professional. | ||
| You watch Jackie Gleason in The Hustler. | ||
| He spent a lot of time playing pool when he was a kid. | ||
| Look, Jackie Gleason was a guy who drank and smoked and hung out in pool halls. | ||
| He was a man's man. | ||
| He was a wild dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he could fucking play, like really play. | ||
| How did you get introduced to pool? | ||
| I hurt my ACL. I tore my ACL ligament and I couldn't work out for a while. | ||
| And when I couldn't work out, me and my friend John, he was a comic as well, we started going to this pool hall in White Plains, New York. | ||
| And I just stumbled upon one of the great pool halls in that area. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I moved to New Rochelle because I could be close to White Plains because I was addicted to this pool. | ||
| People get fucking addicted to pool. | ||
| That's how my brother was, dude. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Yeah, the video game Doom got its name from the film. | ||
| Yeah, the video game Doom got its name from Tom Cruise opening up that because they wanted... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did not know that. | |
| Yeah, because when he opened up the case and he goes, what's in the case? | ||
| He goes, in here? | ||
| Oh my god, Doom. | ||
| I remember that with his dumb accent. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He was excellent in that film. | ||
| That's what John... | ||
| Yeah, that's what they wanted to... | ||
| John Carmack wanted to say to the video game world when they released Doom. | ||
| What's in there? | ||
| Doom. | ||
| Doom is in there. | ||
| Because this game is so crazy in comparison to everything else. | ||
| Yeah, so that's where I came up with the name. | ||
| Yeah, it's something like the... | ||
| I forget the character's name in Queen's Gambit, but when she kind of lays in bed and looks up and watches the world, you kind of see pool players look at the table that way. | ||
| This goes here. | ||
| But with pool, there's execution. | ||
| The difference is you could miss a shot where you're in perfect position. | ||
| Whereas with chess, you just move the thing. | ||
| You don't have to think about your physical hand-eye coordination and skills. | ||
| So nerves don't play a factor as much in terms of your ability to move your body. | ||
| So with pool, the thing that excited me about it was it was about controlling yourself under pressure. | ||
| And you're literally applying a certain amount of pressure to a ball, and you want to control the revolutions. | ||
| That the ball makes over a long period. | ||
| So it's all touch and feel. | ||
| And the more you play, the more... | ||
| And you get in what they call dead punch or dead stroke, where you understand exactly how much impact and exactly how hard to touch that cue, exactly how much impact it has on the ball to just perfectly place that ball in position for the next shot. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's a great game. | ||
| My brother had a book called How to Hustle Your Friends at Pool and used to read it. | ||
| And we'd have friends come over and they would always get mad that he was reading the book. | ||
| But he loved it. | ||
| It's a great gambling sport. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| Well, it's a game where people get mad if you pretend you're not good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it turns out you are good. | ||
| Isn't that what the hustle is? | ||
| What's interesting about it is it's also a game where people lie about how good they are. | ||
| Men always want to pretend they're really good at pool. | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| If guys don't know you play... | ||
| I play... | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| Like, I'm a B player. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which means, like, I'm not a pro, but if I practice for six months and really dedicated myself... | ||
| You'd be excellent. | ||
| I can run racks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I've run out three, four racks in a row. | ||
| I can play a little. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if I played a lot, I could play on a very high level. | ||
| But... | ||
| Most people can't. | ||
| Like, I played for years, eight hours a day. | ||
| I played every day. | ||
| I always played. | ||
| I took a cue on the road with me everywhere I went. | ||
| When I would go on the road and do gigs, I'd find pool halls and I'd play pool all night long. | ||
| That's what I always did. | ||
| Most men lie. | ||
| Do you play pool? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Are you good? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty good. | ||
| Oh, are you really? | ||
| How good are you? | ||
| Oh, I'm good. | ||
| I always beat my friends. | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| Are you really good? | ||
| Have you ever played in tournaments? | ||
| They'll lie. | ||
| And then you play them and they suck. | ||
| They suck. | ||
| Golf is like this. | ||
| What do you shoot? | ||
| I'll shoot about 100. You go out there and you're like, you fucking lie. | ||
| Or you cheat. | ||
| Everybody cheats at golf. | ||
| Everybody gets so surprised when they ask me if I'm good at golf and I say, I'm okay. | ||
| And they say, what do you shoot? | ||
| And I say, 110. They go, no, there's no chance. | ||
| I get out there and you really count my strokes and the time that I move the ball and the time that it followed the rules, a shot at 110. But everybody lies. | ||
| Is that a good number? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| What's a good number? | ||
| Par is 72, but I guarantee you he's going to say he shoots in the 90s, and when we go out there and we actually play, he's going to shoot like 125, like a typical house station. | ||
| 90-ish is probably a good number. | ||
| Yeah, 90's a good number. | ||
| I could get there, but... | ||
| You would need a lot of time. | ||
| You need some time. | ||
| And you don't cheat, but everybody lies. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| People lie about pool. | ||
| Dude, the worst, if you're a single guy trying to pick up girls and you've got to play pool with them and they're fucking garbage. | ||
| They beat you. | ||
| If a girl beats you at pool, good luck getting laid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good luck. | |
| They don't want to fuck you if they can beat you at pool. | ||
| Everyone knows that. | ||
| Well, there's another thing. | ||
| When you play girls in tournaments, guys would panic when they would play girls in tournaments. | ||
| Because they have to win. | ||
| Because some girls are good. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| There's a lot of girls that are really fucking good, and you play them. | ||
| Because pool doesn't require any physical strength. | ||
| Well, why isn't... | ||
| Why wouldn't they be gender equal... | ||
| Why do we have a gender breakdown at pool? | ||
| Because of the break? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I'm just going to be objective about this. | ||
| There are some women that beat a lot of men at pool, but In the aggregate, when you look at the total of all the great pool players, the best pool players are all men. | ||
| But the women are excellent, and the women are capable of beating some of the best players some of the time. | ||
| But when it all averages out, the best players in the world are like, there's a bunch, like Shane Van Boning, there's Dennis Arcuglio, there's a lot of Filipinos, a few American guys, a few Europeans, they're all men. | ||
| But there's a few women... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What was that like? | ||
| One of them was called the Mosquito or something? | ||
| That woman? | ||
| Oh, the Black Widow? | ||
| The Black Widow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Mosquito. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's good. | ||
| She's really good. | ||
| I always assumed she was good because she was also hot, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's, of course, the media. | ||
| Jeanette Lee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The best woman ever at the time, a woman who was winning and beating men at the time was this woman named Jean Balucas. | ||
| See if you can look her up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| She was playing men back when women weren't really playing men. | ||
| She was playing men and beating them, and she was a fucking killer. | ||
| She was a straight-up killer. | ||
| But it's just really, really rare. | ||
| But it's not a physical strength thing. | ||
| Because pool is not a physical strength thing. | ||
| That's where it gets weird. | ||
| It's a confusing thing. | ||
| It's like a grasp of 3D space. | ||
| It's like an understanding and a perception of angles. | ||
| And men are just better at those things. | ||
| There's a competitive drive. | ||
| We don't know why. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it doesn't... | ||
| Look, there's women that are way better than me. | ||
| It's not saying that all men are better than all women. | ||
| There's women that play way better than me. | ||
| But when it comes to the best players in the world, for whatever reason that we don't totally understand, it's men by a long shot. | ||
| She plays fifth when she was nine years old. | ||
| Oh, she was a killer. | ||
| Gene Balukas! | ||
| Yeah, but see if you got any video of her when she was playing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| When Jean was... | ||
| When she was at the top of her game, I mean, she was literally as good as any man alive. | ||
| She was... | ||
| This is her right here. | ||
| She was fucking... | ||
| Well, anybody can make that, Joe. | ||
| She was... | ||
| No, it wasn't just that. | ||
| It was... | ||
| She never... | ||
| Oh, that's not Jean Belucas. | ||
| That's... | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Eva Mattia. | ||
| Eva Mattia. | ||
| I remember her, too. | ||
| Oh, that's Jean Belucas versus Eva Mattia. | ||
| Now, Eva Mattia is another one. | ||
| She was another killer, but she was fucking hot. | ||
| And she became pretty famous because of the fact that she was hot. | ||
| Stop fast forward. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| The billiard network? | ||
| That's Gene. | ||
| Yeah, there was a billiard network at one point in time. | ||
| But I think it's just an online thing. | ||
| But Jean was, in her day when she was competing and beating everybody, she was formidable. | ||
| People were nervous playing her. | ||
| What's that English version with the huge table and the small balls? | ||
| I say snooker. | ||
| They say snooker. | ||
| Snooker. | ||
| I've never understood that one. | ||
| That's a very difficult sport. | ||
| And English snooker players who come over and play pool, they excel at it. | ||
| They must think pool Yeah, because the balls are smaller, the holes are smaller, and the table's bigger, and also the mechanics are so precise. | ||
| Like, you have to have absolute precise mechanics to play snooker. | ||
| Yeah, and it's a really valuable game. | ||
| Like, the guys who do it really well, they make a lot of money, or they did at one point in time. | ||
| I think its popularity has kind of dwindled a little bit. | ||
| But I remember when I was in England, I was doing a gig over there. | ||
| And I was in my hotel room, and I just turned on the TV, and I was watching snooker on TV. I was like, this is crazy. | ||
| Dude, they love their parlor games. | ||
| Darts. | ||
| Darts is the best. | ||
| 520! | ||
| So good. | ||
| They love that pub shit. | ||
| They love the pub shit. | ||
| I mean, their creation of tennis, you know, it's like this court that's super tall. | ||
| You can hit off the walls. | ||
| What do you mean you can hit off the walls? | ||
| There's like different origins of the sport of tennis. | ||
| One of them is called this like... | ||
| I forget what it's called, but it's a mix of racquetball and tennis, and you could hit off the back ceiling, and each court would be different, but there'd be a net, and you'd use this racquet and a pressureless ball, and eventually tennis evolved out of that. | ||
| But these courts still exist in the deep of English country. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| What do they call it over there? | ||
| I'll find out. | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| And this was, how long ago did tennis get invented? | ||
| I would say 500 years ago, but Jamie can also find that out as well. | ||
| I mean, initially, the scoring is complicated, right? | ||
| That's what everyone always says, I don't get the scoring. | ||
| The elites created tennis scoring to be difficult so the poor communities wouldn't learn it. | ||
| I mean, how fucking dirty is that, right? | ||
| And it still works. | ||
| Like, to this day, people are like, I don't want to do tennis, the scoring is too complicated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And yeah, it was like French and English royalty kind of took the game and they both went their separate ways with it in different ways. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It might start with an S. It's not squash, is it? | |
| It's not squash. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's like, ah, shit, I could find it, but something rack. | ||
| If you Google like old fucking English tennis origin, it's strange. | ||
| Well, pool originated on a table with no holes. | ||
| Yeah, well there's... | ||
| Isn't that Snooker? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's billiards. | ||
| Three cushioned billiards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Steak? | |
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| That's a weird E on the end. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Let's see what that shit looks like. | ||
| That's what that's called. | ||
| It's really fucking strange. | ||
| Let's see if we can find a video of that shit. | ||
| You can find current day videos. | ||
| They still playing? | ||
| Look at this shit, dude. | ||
| In like old... | ||
| Old English town. | ||
| This is part of the origination of tennis. | ||
| Oh, like this? | ||
| It doesn't fucking look like it. | ||
| Yeah, but that's super fucking nice. | ||
| But it's in a place like Racquetball. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| This is wild. | ||
| But depending on the farmhouse that you live in... | ||
| This would be a different dimension, like a baseball stadium has a different field, you know, or different dimensions. | ||
| So you can kind of do like a little racquetball deal. | ||
| Oh, this is wild. | ||
| It's like a bastardized racquetball versus tennis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| Wow, this is wild. | ||
| You ever seen High Lie? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's fucking... | ||
| But that's a corrupt game. | ||
| That game is full of shit. | ||
| Those guys drop the ball all the time. | ||
| Whoops! | ||
| That game is polluted by gambling. | ||
| My dad used to take us to those games in Miami and we'd bet. | ||
| It was like nobody there. | ||
| My dad was like, what are we doing here? | ||
| People would be smoking and we're betting on highlight. | ||
| But yeah, that's like the origination of tennis, which I found. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I love the sport. | ||
| Google three cushion billiards. | ||
| So the original pocket billiards, I believe, was started in America. | ||
| It was like a saloon game. | ||
| We wanted to eat the ball. | ||
| It was thought, I don't know, maybe. | ||
| I think, for whatever reason, they put holes in the table. | ||
| But when they first started doing it, billiards was like a gentleman's sport. | ||
| And it was like a parlor game for the aristocrats. | ||
| And it was a game where it was all about making a ball, hit one ball, and then bounce off of three angles and hit This shit is crazy to me, and my brother has played it. | ||
| This is very difficult. | ||
| It must be boring as fuck. | ||
| I watch it. | ||
| I've gotten into watching it lately, quite a bit, for whatever reason. | ||
| You have to hit two balls and three rails or something? | ||
| No, it's three cushions. | ||
| So you hit the first ball, and then you have to hit one, two, three cushions, one, two, three cushions, and then he collides with the other ball down there. | ||
| But what has to hit the three cushions? | ||
| The cue ball? | ||
| The ball after striking. | ||
| So once you hit the original ball, the cue ball has to hit three cushions before it hits the second ball. | ||
| And there's a bunch of different versions of this too. | ||
| There's like bulk line where you just have to collide the two balls together and try to stay within certain parameters. | ||
| So this guy's going to hit this and then he's going to go all the way around the table. | ||
| So he's going to collide this and he's going to go up table. | ||
| One, two, three, and then collide with that second ball. | ||
| See that? | ||
| But it's always going to miss it. | ||
| See, that's a very difficult game. | ||
| It's very difficult because you have to have a real understanding of angles and the harder you hit, the sharper the angle will be because you're digging into the cushion. | ||
| So it's coming off shorter. | ||
| And the reason that that's this next guy's shot is because he missed the second ball? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So he missed that ball, so now this guy is trying to figure out. | ||
| So he's going to use this yellow ball, and he's going to do the same thing. | ||
| Oh, you can fucking hit the yellow ball, too? | ||
| I think that's his ball. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never played this. | ||
| I mean, I've banged around balls, but look, see how he does this? | ||
| Oh, that was great. | ||
| This guy's body type is perfect for pool, isn't it? | ||
| All fat and lazy. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| World record high run, 40. So he did 40 in a row like this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And this is 2020. So in other countries, this game is still very popular. | ||
| There was a place that I used to go to in Vegas. | ||
| There was this Italian guy who ran this pool hall. | ||
| And he had a pool hall, and it had the best fucking Italian food in Vegas. | ||
| This guy came from Rome, and he was a cook. | ||
| And he was also a guy who loved pool. | ||
| But he also had Italian billiards. | ||
| And Italian billiards was really weird. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| But he had a terrible business model. | ||
| Nobody plays this fucking game. | ||
| So Italian billiards have these little statues that you put- I've seen that fucking thing. | ||
| I never got it. | ||
| I was in the pool. | ||
| I was like, explain this to me. | ||
| And the guy kept trying to sell me his business. | ||
| Go on, I'm buying my business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I sent it to you. | |
| I'm like, I'm not buying your business, bro. | ||
| I'm not buying a pool hall in Vegas. | ||
| But see those little statues? | ||
| I don't know what those things do. | ||
| Those little pins. | ||
| And you gotta knock them over or something? | ||
| I don't even know what it is. | ||
| Isn't this interesting that every culture has some different form of like... | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| When I would go to White Plains, to Executive Billiards in White Plains, they had one billiard table that they had set up. | ||
| And all these Mexican dudes would come in and play three-cushion billiards. | ||
| They loved three-cushion billiards. | ||
| And they would gamble in it. | ||
| Five-pin billiards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I never understood it. | ||
| I was like, I don't... | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| But a lot of the best pool players also play billiards because they have this extreme understanding of the angles and where the ball's going. | ||
| You have to have this really weird perception of where the thing's going to be. | ||
| You've got to really have a deep understanding of where the ball's going to go. | ||
| I love any sport that you can excel and wear a bow tie in. | ||
| You know? | ||
| For real. | ||
| That guy's wearing a vest with a bow tie? | ||
| That's sick. | ||
| Well, the snooker guys all dress real nice. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| They dress slick. | ||
| And the dark guys always got a beer in their hand and they look like dark guys. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's always fun watching someone's body type. | ||
| Did they morph into this body type from being successful at their activity or other way around? | ||
| Are they successful at this activity because of their body type? | ||
| Well, I think if you are a person who plays that all the time, you're not doing a lot of weightlifting. | ||
| You're not running a lot. | ||
| You're just at that pool hall knocking balls around all the time. | ||
| Some of the better American guys are pretty fit, though, because they've realized that there's a great value in keeping your body strong. | ||
| You can play longer and better and concentrate better and also maintain your vitality later into your life. | ||
| I love when Tiger Woods came on the scene. | ||
| They're like, he's taking fitness seriously. | ||
| And I was like, why did golf not realize that that was going to be advantageous? | ||
| Because of John Daly? | ||
| Don't be a fat fuck and you can be better at this sport. | ||
| But John Daly was a fat fuck and he was killing it. | ||
| Tell it to Bert Kreischer. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Bert Kreischer apparently has a sick serve. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I know he likes tennis. | ||
| He cornered me once at the Irvine Improv and was like, we've got to make a tennis show. | ||
| And then he was gone. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Tequila on his breath. | ||
| I haven't seen Bert in ages, man. | ||
| Bert's killing it on the road. | ||
| I know he's killing it. | ||
| He does those drive-in movie shows. | ||
| I heard, but I also can't see him with his shirt off anymore. | ||
| So if I'm scrolling and I see it, I just fucking scroll faster. | ||
| So I don't know if you need to hear that, Bert. | ||
| But if I'm feeling that way, maybe other people are too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's a thing now. | ||
| He's stuck with it. | ||
| It's like Jeff Dunham without the puppets. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| Well, is he talking about not having a shirt on? | ||
| He just takes his shirt off and he gets on stage. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| The only place he wouldn't do it is the OR. He felt weird doing it in the OR. But it was too intimate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And also felt like it was a workout room. | ||
| It just felt weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But he would do it in the main room. | ||
| So every time he did a set in the main room, first of all, I would go on after him all the time and I would always have to hug him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| Hug his sweaty body. | ||
| His big old sweaty body. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I mean, that's his thing. | ||
| He just wanted to take his shirt off before he goes on stage. | ||
| Well. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You can create your thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's his thing. | ||
| Everybody has a thing. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| Well, he's, you know, the life of the party. | ||
| He's the party guy. | ||
| He is, and he's always... | ||
| I have only interacted with him five times. | ||
| It's always super friendly, super fun. | ||
| One of the nicest guys ever lived. | ||
| One of the nicest guys of all time. | ||
| One of my favorite people. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| But yeah, he likes to party. | ||
| It hasn't stopped or slowed down at all. | ||
| There's a video of him on his tour bus drunk with a table covered in McDonald's. | ||
| I mean, they have, like, he went to McDonald's, essentially they went to the drive-thru and ordered everything. | ||
| And all him and his opening acts were just eating. | ||
| Crushing. | ||
| I don't buy that this is still fun for him. | ||
| Come on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In what way? | |
| To get drunk and eat all that food? | ||
| I mean, getting drunk is fun. | ||
| But the recovery, like for me, getting drunk has always been fun. | ||
| The recovery is just getting worse and worse and worse and worse. | ||
| And now I get like mental recovery. | ||
| I get like anxiety. | ||
| Yeah, he gets that too. | ||
| And he just pushes through it over and over again. | ||
| At some point, he's got to stop with that. | ||
| Well, everyone's different. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I'm not suggesting he does. | ||
| I'm just saying what's happened to me at 41 is I go like, I really got away. | ||
| Is it worth it? | ||
| Well, it's funny. | ||
| We had a conversation about this because our friend Tom Segura hurt himself really bad. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck happened to him? | ||
| Well, Bert and him were playing a basketball game, and Tom can dunk, right? | ||
| On a 10-foot hoop? | ||
| A 9-foot hoop. | ||
| Okay, God, you've got to say that. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| You've had this conversation before. | ||
| Up to a certain point, and this was the point. | ||
| So he blew out his patella tendon and then fell and snapped his arm in half. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| The big one. | ||
| The big one. | ||
| Yeah, the big one. | ||
| And then snapped his arm in half. | ||
| Yeah, so he has no left leg, no left arm. | ||
| I saw the Instagram pictures. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Horrific. | ||
| So the leg's gone, the arm's gone, and he's still in a rehab place. | ||
| He's still... | ||
| He's fucked. | ||
| Yeah, his arm has a scar that goes from his elbow up to his shoulder. | ||
| He got all that for trying to dunk on a nine-foot rim? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, fuck, Tom. | ||
| Look, he's a little overweight, and he's 46 years old. | ||
| But him and Bert were doing this thing, and Bert had a conversation with me. | ||
| He goes, I was always like, because Bert would do all this exercise, and I'd be like, how are your knees? | ||
| And he goes, my knees are fine. | ||
| He goes, maybe Joe doesn't understand how knees work. | ||
| And he goes, then I realized, after seeing Tommy blow his knee out, like, oh my god, that can happen at any moment. | ||
| I've had three knee surgeries. | ||
| I've had two ACL reconstructions. | ||
| I've had my meniscus scoped. | ||
| I've gone through a lot. | ||
| I understand vulnerability. | ||
| You're familiar with their vulnerability. | ||
| They've never done that before. | ||
| So when someone... | ||
| Thinks it's gonna be okay to be 250 fucking pounds and try to dunk, and I might be generous by saying 250, and try to dunk and realize, like, oh, you're risking everything. | ||
| Like, you could blow—you're so overweight. | ||
| Like, doing all this activity, explosive activity, is exceedingly dangerous. | ||
| I mean, just overpacking a suitcase and carrying it to the car, you feel that impact. | ||
| And this is your knee that's now carrying this. | ||
| But Tom is in pretty good shape at the time, apparently. | ||
| This is before the injury. | ||
| They're playing against someone. | ||
| Do they have video footage of the injury? | ||
| That will be out on their Two Bears, One Cave live on New Year's Eve. | ||
| Oh, they're actually... | ||
| Who's he playing? | ||
| Oh, that's that kid, that YouTube kid. | ||
| That's really good. | ||
| Yeah, he's really good. | ||
| Yeah, that kid's really good. | ||
| So they were recording this, obviously from multiple angles, and Tom hurt himself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Look at Bert trying to get that guy's ball. | ||
| That kid is really good. | ||
| He's just fucking with him. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| Tom blocked that ball. | ||
| I actually, look, based off... | ||
| Look at Bert's belly. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh my God, dude. | ||
| He's pregnant. | ||
| But I would say both of them move better than I would have anticipated. | ||
| He can't even fucking hold onto the ball. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| They're doing a two-on-one. | ||
| Yeah, they're doing a two-on-one, and he's like 20 years old. | ||
| Well, he's really good. | ||
| He's got a bunch of videos of him going to basketball courts in neighborhoods and just schooling people. | ||
| All these people talking trash, and he's really good. | ||
| You know, Bobby Riggs is an interesting character, the guy who lost the Battle of the Sexes to Billie Jean King. | ||
| He was a former world number one, a former Wimbledon champion. | ||
| When... | ||
| used to go to central park in new york as the world number one player and bet you for ten thousand dollars but you could handicap him and there's pictures of him holding 10 dogs on a leash playing somebody at central park somebody somebody would take three benches and put them on his side of the court and he would have to move around move around those you know he was like a gambling addict and one of the one of the sides that they don't always talk about with the battle of the sexes with Billie Jean King | ||
| beating him was that, did he throw the match? | ||
| Like, was he gambling this thing away? | ||
| Now, I would make the argument he did not throw the match. | ||
| I would make the argument that Billie Jean King was a much better tennis player than him at that time in his life. | ||
| But, fascinating character, and his first Wimbledon, he bet on himself to win Wimbledon singles, Wimbledon doubles, and Wimbledon mixed doubles, and he did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And this was before it was a professional tournament, so that was how he made his living. | ||
| He bet on himself to win in its amazing character. | ||
| But anyways, watching Bert and Tom play hoops like backyard shit made me think of Bobby Riggs. | ||
| One of the things about New York City that I always thought, like, I have these romantic ideas, like, romantic ideas like living in the mountains. | ||
| That's one of them. | ||
| Another one is being a chess hustler in New York City. | ||
| Even though I can't even play chess. | ||
| But watching those guys play and just knowing that you could just show up there and get a game at any time. | ||
| And these literal grandmasters. | ||
| These people play so good. | ||
| Like in Searching for Bobby Fischer. | ||
| These guys are fucking killers. | ||
| And they all meet there every day and play chess. | ||
| They set up their board, they got their coffee, and they read the paper, and when you sit down... | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| You can sit down and be shitty at chess. | ||
| They won't sit with you very long. | ||
| They'll defeat you, but they'll maybe help you a little bit. | ||
| But yeah, it's pretty fucking cool that they do that. | ||
| Well, it's interesting that there's a community like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that they have this place where they can go and play. | ||
| I always thought that's amazing. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| If there's something you were really into, there was a place you knew you could go. | ||
| Well, that used to be the case with New York City with pool, too. | ||
| New York City had a strong pool community, whereas the pool has kind of died out in a lot of the country. | ||
| In Los Angeles, man, it was impossible to find a pool hall. | ||
| There was House of Billiards in Santa Monica. | ||
| I was going to say, where the fuck would... | ||
| House of Billiards in Santa Monica, there's Hard Times down in Bellflower, which is like world class. | ||
| Hard Times, but COVID's killed them. | ||
| Killed everybody. | ||
| I think Santa Monica's going under. | ||
| I think they're going to sell. | ||
| And then there's House of Billiards in Sherman Oaks, too, where I used to play. | ||
| I mean, and you need space. | ||
| You need space. | ||
| Yeah, you need a lot of tables. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's not something like a chest. | ||
| We could just go to the park and set up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You need tables. | ||
| They need to be maintained. | ||
| You need lights. | ||
| There's always a little bit of a... | ||
| When you walk into a pool hall, you always feel like it's been put on like a grimy filter. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Always. | ||
| Yeah, dirty people. | ||
| And people on dates. | ||
| Right, that's true. | ||
| And dudes who don't know how to play, they talk a lot of shit. | ||
| There's always a lot of that. | ||
| It's a very American game, you know? | ||
| I've been to the house at Billiards there in Santa Monica with my brother a few times, but I just never could... | ||
| The brain didn't click as much. | ||
| Different sports, my brain clicked. | ||
| Oh, I got that. | ||
| But like Billiards, it was just never... | ||
| I still hold it like this. | ||
| I'm not supposed to do the like... | ||
| What is it like that? | ||
| Well, it depends on the shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Okay. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| Open bridge or closed bridge. | ||
| I would love to have my own cue. | ||
| That would have been sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Screw it in. | ||
| Doom. | ||
| It's... | ||
| For me, it was probably a thing that I never would have gotten into if I didn't get injured. | ||
| But when I got injured, when you tear an ACL, it's a long rehab. | ||
| It's months and months. | ||
| And I couldn't do any martial arts. | ||
| So I would play pool. | ||
| And so when I started playing pool, I got really lucky that the place that I went to was filled with hustlers and filled with guys who were playing big money games. | ||
| And it's a bachelor's thing. | ||
| It totally is. | ||
| These guys... | ||
| Most of them were divorced, or they're never going to get married, or they're living in flophouses, and all they did was play pool. | ||
| And they would meet together, and they would go to places, and people would come to them, and they would gamble. | ||
| It was all about gambling. | ||
| And I fell in love with it, because I was like, wow, this is like a lost part of our society. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| And it was also... | ||
| A man thing. | ||
| It wasn't that there weren't women there. | ||
| There were women there. | ||
| There were women that really got into the game as well. | ||
| But these guys were smoking cigarettes, and they were talking shit, and they were gambling, and like, you don't have any fucking heart. | ||
| You want to bet some money, motherfucker? | ||
| It was this total outlier of society thing, this outcast thing. | ||
| And I just felt like... | ||
| Look, I always felt like an outcast as a person. | ||
| I always felt real uncomfortable around people that had stable families. | ||
| That's why I got into comedy. | ||
| I felt like, oh, these people are all weirdos too. | ||
| And then with Poole, it's like, oh, these people are weirdos too. | ||
| It's like, oh, this is like this weird segment of society that they just decided, you know what? | ||
| Fuck a job. | ||
| I'm just going to hustle Poole. | ||
| I'm going to play in tournaments. | ||
| I'm going to travel on the road. | ||
| I'm going to barely get by, but I'm going to be doing what I enjoy doing. | ||
| It has, much like comedy, because when I entered the comedy community, I remember thinking like, oh, this is great. | ||
| These people don't judge at all. | ||
| At all. | ||
| Except for your set. | ||
| Then they're all fucking judging, going, that's not fine. | ||
| They literally don't give a fuck what you do, who you are, what you look like. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're a killer, you're a killer. | ||
| If you're a killer, you're a killer. | ||
| And I remember coming from... | ||
| My family was very structured. | ||
| Sports is very structured. | ||
| And when I entered the comedy world, it was like, holy fuck. | ||
| Anything goes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anything goes, and it was very freeing, and it is true. | ||
| When you walk into a pool hall, you see some boys in the corner smoking, and they're talking shit, and it's a little bit of a ragtag group. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of a ragtag group. | ||
| It was at the time when I first started playing pool, I realized that these were the people that they were... | ||
| They were the people that, just for whatever reason, nothing else clicked. | ||
| Nothing else clicked. | ||
| But they found this place where they were all doing drugs. | ||
| What kind of drugs? | ||
| All kinds of drugs. | ||
| Pills. | ||
| A lot of guys did pills. | ||
| Like to focus on the game? | ||
| And also just because they were junkies. | ||
| Also because they were addicted to drugs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Coke. | |
| A lot of guys did coke. | ||
| A lot of guys smoked pot. | ||
| It was just a wild community. | ||
| They were just different kinds of human beings. | ||
| They were wild people, man. | ||
| They were really wild people. | ||
| And they just were outcasts. | ||
| I met this one guy, his name was International Sal. | ||
| That's his first name, International Sal. | ||
| That was his nickname. | ||
| Everybody had a nickname. | ||
| But International Sal was one of the first guys to ever run scams with credit cards. | ||
| You know those things we were talking about, those credit card things? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, he would take those car bins and he would buy them from stores. | ||
| He had a guy in stores that would get them to him, and then they would make a duplicate of that card, and they would use those cards, and they would buy a bunch of shit and sell a bunch of shit. | ||
| And so he was like a gangster. | ||
| He would be at the pool hall, and guys would come to him with paper bags filled with money. | ||
| It's always some shady shit going on there. | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he would lose it all. | ||
| He was a loser. | ||
| International Sal? | ||
| Yeah, but he could play. | ||
| He could play too, but he would always choke. | ||
| And that was the knock on International Sal, is that when it came down to the money ball, he would always fall apart. | ||
| And he was always addicted to gambling. | ||
| So he was always trying to gamble, and he would come down to the money ball and always fall apart. | ||
| It was wild to see. | ||
| These people, they lived in this way that was so... | ||
| Outside the lines. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I mean, I'm thinking of the biathlon now, when they fucking cross-country ski, and then they lay down, and they gotta fire the gun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they fire in between. | ||
| They can bring their heart rate down 40 beats a minute. | ||
| Meaning, if it's at 160, they can bring it to 120. And so they can fire in between their heartbeats. | ||
| It doesn't affect their gun. | ||
| And I'm also thinking about pool, and on the Moneyball... | ||
| It's the pressure shot, and it's a fine movement like you were saying earlier, and you do have to figure out how to execute that under pressure with such tiny motor skills. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You have to not think about missing. | ||
| The thing is, when you think about missing, you miss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're so fucked. | |
| It's really weird. | ||
| You've got to achieve this zen state. | ||
| But you have as much time as you want on the shot, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| On some matches, they execute a shot clock. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| TV billions, I've seen that. | ||
| Yeah, but that's to try to make it more interesting. | ||
| But most of the time in professional tournaments, they don't have a shot clock. | ||
| In Hustler Pool, there's no shot clock. | ||
| No, there's no fucking rules. | ||
| And that's one thing that people do that frustrates people is they'll overlook a shot, like look at a shot over and over and over again, just to drive the guy crazy. | ||
| He's sitting there watching, and people are like, well, we fucking shoot already? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And like, I'll take my time. | ||
| I'll shoot when I want. | ||
| You can shoot when you want. | ||
| And they have these arguments and shit. | ||
| But there's so much psychology involved in gambling and playing games and fucking with each other, you know? | ||
| There was this guy, his nickname was Water Dog. | ||
| And he was addicted to heroin. | ||
| And he would go into the bathroom. | ||
| Also, his other nickname was Buffalo Bill, for some strange reason. | ||
| But he would go to the bathroom, because he looked like Buffalo Bill. | ||
| He had this crazy mustache. | ||
| He would go to the bathroom, and he would shoot heroin. | ||
| And he would come out, and he would sit on a chair. | ||
| He'd sit on one of these pool stools like this. | ||
| Getting the nods. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just sit there for like a half an hour. | ||
| And then he'd come out of it and he'd be ready to play. | ||
| And he had like dead eyes like a gerbil. | ||
| Like a shark eyes. | ||
| And he wouldn't miss. | ||
| He would not fucking miss. | ||
| And he was a world class player. | ||
| Like a legitimate... | ||
| World-class professional player. | ||
| And when he shot heroin, he couldn't fucking miss. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He played so good. | ||
| And I met him in New Jersey. | ||
| Or I met him in New York, rather. | ||
| I played with him all over the East Coast. | ||
| And then when I came to LA, I went to Hard Times Billiards. | ||
| I was on a television show. | ||
| I was on news radio. | ||
| And on Sundays, I would go play in the Hard Times tournament. | ||
| They had this professional tournament down there. | ||
| And I would always lose, but I would play. | ||
| And I went down there on Sunday. | ||
| It would be Nineball? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I went down there. | ||
| Some of the best players in the world would come down to the Hard Times Sunday player. | ||
| And he was there. | ||
| And he didn't have any money to get into the tournament. | ||
| And so he was there. | ||
| And I go, hey man, what are you doing? | ||
| And he goes, what are you doing out here? | ||
| I go, I live here now. | ||
| He was out of it. | ||
| He didn't understand. | ||
| I was on television. | ||
| He didn't understand anything. | ||
| But he just knew me as Joe the Comedian. | ||
| Because I was Joe the Comedian. | ||
| And I go, are you playing? | ||
| He goes, I don't have the money to get in. | ||
| I go, I'll put you in. | ||
| And he goes, I got to get a bag though. | ||
| And I go, okay. | ||
| And he goes, can you take me? | ||
| I go, take you where? | ||
| To get a fucking bag? | ||
| I go, dude, if we get arrested, they take my car. | ||
| He goes, we won't get arrested. | ||
| I go, no, no, no. | ||
| We could easily get arrested. | ||
| I go, a white guy in a Toyota Supra in Compton looking for heroin? | ||
| Yeah, we might get arrested. | ||
| Offering to pay for his game is nice. | ||
| You don't have to take him to go get heroin. | ||
| So I put him in the tournament with no heroin and he played like shit. | ||
| Not only did he play like shit, like on purpose. | ||
| Like you could tell. | ||
| He was just so frustrated that I wouldn't take him to get heroin. | ||
| He was like really mad. | ||
| He's really mad at me for not taking it. | ||
| He's like, you're not going to lose your car. | ||
| I'm like, but I could. | ||
| I go, I'm not going to fucking risk my car. | ||
| I'm not going to get arrested buying heroin. | ||
| I'm not going to drive you to Compton buying heroin, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sad. | |
| And then he died a few years later. | ||
| It was not... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was the international... | ||
| Where did that come from? | ||
| International Sal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because of the amount of money that he made. | ||
| He made millions of dollars. | ||
| That was just his nickname, International Sal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was American Express cards. | ||
| He ran the scam with American Express cards. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| When I met him, he had already gotten out of jail. | ||
| And it was 93-ish? | ||
| 93-ish? | ||
| 92? | ||
| 92 maybe? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe even earlier? | ||
| Yeah, 92. So he had probably been in jail in the, like, 80s. | ||
| Like when they first invented credit cards and they first did the swiping thing, he figured out a way to make extra credit cards. | ||
| And, you know, there was no computers back then. | ||
| So you could literally make a copy of someone's card. | ||
| And by the time they figured out that it wasn't... | ||
| You got the bill at the end of the month. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| I didn't buy a car. | ||
| And then they would have to figure out a way to make money. | ||
| Now your phone goes, did you just spend whatever, whatever. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Instantly you get a notification. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Airplane tickets? | ||
| Take my airplane ticket? | ||
| Airplane ticket? | ||
| It's like hilarious. | ||
| So for whatever reason, you know, they'd call them International Sal. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| But there was all these different guys that had these crazy names. | ||
| Some of them were real simple, like Ray the Fireman, who's just a guy who was a fireman. | ||
| You know, and then, you know, there's different people with different nicknames based on, you know, where you came from, like Mount Vernon Tommy. | ||
| He's from Mount Vernon. | ||
| White Plains Charlie was this guy that I met. | ||
| He was this old dude. | ||
| He was really old and really frail. | ||
| He probably weighed about 90 pounds. | ||
| But he was a killer pool player who just was addicted to gambling. | ||
| He would horse bet all day. | ||
| He'd bet the horses, like off-track betting. | ||
| He would do that all day. | ||
| And they would come in and play pool and would always lose. | ||
| He would win occasionally, but most of the time lose. | ||
| It's kind of a gambler's paradise as far as the sport's concerned, right? | ||
| Because each shot could be a fresh gamble, a fresh bet. | ||
| I mean, maybe that's why it attracts this type. | ||
| It was based on gambling. | ||
| See, the game pool is not pool. | ||
| Pool is a term for pooling money together to gamble. | ||
| The game is pocket billiards. | ||
| Its foundation is gambling. | ||
| Well, it's a bunch of dirtbags. | ||
| A bunch of men, in the turn of the century, in the 1900s, in New York City, there was a thousand pool halls. | ||
| A thousand. | ||
| A thousand. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's how popular Pool was. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it was a lot of men that didn't want to get married. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they didn't want to live this life that they had been sort of forced upon. | ||
| And they had decided to just live like dirtbags. | ||
| And, you know, through the Great Depression, these guys just made a living hustling. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's nuts how many pool tables. | ||
| A thousand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A thousand pool halls. | ||
| Pool halls were everywhere. | ||
| And there's some amazing photographs from the early 1900s from New York City. | ||
| So when The Hustler came out in 1963, pool was like probably on the downslide a little bit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like it probably wasn't what it used to be, but it was still way more popular than it was, you know, today it's not popular at all. | ||
| I was going to say, man. | ||
| It's really fallen off. | ||
| I haven't played in a long fucking time. | ||
| In LA, it's non-existent. | ||
| But in here, in Texas, there's still some pool halls. | ||
| There's some places you can go. | ||
| But it's just one of those things. | ||
| It takes a long time to learn. | ||
| And video games are more exciting. | ||
| A lot of kids that would have gone and played pool, they became addicted to video games instead. | ||
| It may have a resurgence after the Netflix series called The King's Pocket. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| You know? | ||
| Well, if someone came up with a real Netflix series where they explained like the... | ||
| It would have to be like The Queen's Gambit. | ||
| It would have to be like one of those things where you had to... | ||
| You would have to explain the love and the passion that these people have for the addiction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because for... | ||
| There's a great book called McGurdy. | ||
| It's about... | ||
| I forget the author. | ||
| But it's about this famous pool hustler that lived during the Depression. | ||
| It's really kind of a fucked up book. | ||
| It's sad. | ||
| Talking about almost starving to death and just living this life trying to hustle people. | ||
| But there's this thing where this guy was in a game, and they were talking about Richard Nixon. | ||
| And he looks up at the screen, and he goes, look at that guy, president of the world, a president of the United States, and he can't make a ball. | ||
| Like, they didn't have any respect for him. | ||
| He couldn't play. | ||
| Like, that's how pool players were. | ||
| They didn't give a fuck who you were. | ||
| If you couldn't play pool, like, who are you? | ||
| Like, why are you alive? | ||
| I always felt that handball was like this. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But I don't know a first thing about handball, but now that I live in New York, I see the culture and the community of handball, and it seems almost like a similar vibe. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| A lot of people play that in prison. | ||
| A lot of boxers would play handball. | ||
| It's definitely a blue-collar vibe. | ||
| As a tennis player, I always felt like I'm probably too country club for handball, but... | ||
| It's like a small ball to hit with your hand, right? | ||
| I don't know enough things about it, but it's definitely New York City. | ||
| It's definitely got that vibe. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't really exist anymore anywhere else. | ||
| Venice Beach has a couple. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Yeah, I would sometimes go and watch these guys. | ||
| Two hands. | ||
| They always got jeans on, you know, what? | ||
| When I was a kid, I worked at the Boston Athletic Club when I was 19. I was a fitness trainer, teach people how to look weights and shit. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| And they had racquetball courts there. | ||
| And there was this kid, this fucking super handsome kid, who was really, like, girls loved him. | ||
| And he was a racquetball champion, world champion. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But he was fucked because no one gave a shit about racquetball. | ||
| Racquetball is trash, man. | ||
| He tried to transfer to tennis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| I remember he was trying to transfer to tennis. | ||
| He was trying to figure out how to get good at tennis because he played racquetball and it just never worked out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No chance. | |
| And so he was like teaching people. | ||
| And I remember thinking very, very... | ||
| This is one of the reasons why I stopped fighting. | ||
| Because I remember thinking... | ||
| Because I was doing something that you couldn't get paid for. | ||
| There was no money in fighting. | ||
| I had three kickboxing matches, but they were amateur kickboxing matches. | ||
| And I got offered a professional fight, but it was like for 500 bucks or something ridiculous like that. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'm like, I'm in a dead-end thing. | ||
| I got really good at something you can't make any money on. | ||
| That's what I realized. | ||
| And I remember thinking about this kid when I was 19. Realizing at the time that I was kind of on the same road. | ||
| I was like, I'm fucked. | ||
| Because you can't make any money off of Taekwondo. | ||
| And this kid is not making any money. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| He looked like a winner, man. | ||
| I was around this kid. | ||
| I was like, he's a winner. | ||
| He has a beautiful head of hair. | ||
| All the girls loved him. | ||
| He was like, hi, Matt. | ||
| Hi, Matt. | ||
| He was so handsome. | ||
| He was a winner. | ||
| He was a world champion at racquetball. | ||
| He became a world champion at something that's stupid. | ||
| I remember thinking about that, going, oh, you could get fucked. | ||
| You could get really good at something where there's no endgame. | ||
| There's no windfall. | ||
| It's interesting that you made that It's an observation at that age, but also it's interesting when you talk about this podcast, how when you started it, it was like, where is this going to go? | ||
| I like doing this, I'm not going to think about the endgame. | ||
| Well, I wasn't desperate when I started this podcast. | ||
| When I started the podcast, I was already doing UFC commentary and doing stand-up. | ||
| I was making plenty of money. | ||
| So this was a bonus? | ||
| It was just for fun. | ||
| And it was a good excuse to get together with my comedian friends and just have a good time. | ||
| But when I was 19, I was scared. | ||
| I didn't have any money. | ||
| I was trying to scratch by and make a living and pay my rent and all that stuff. | ||
| And I was like, huh. | ||
| I'm good at Taekwondo. | ||
| I was like, this is not good. | ||
| I'm doing something that... | ||
| And then once I moved out of my parents' house, it was around the same time I moved out of my parents' house, I remember thinking, like, fuck. | ||
| And I was teaching, too. | ||
| I was teaching at Boston University. | ||
| I had my own school. | ||
| And I was eking by. | ||
| But I was like, this is... | ||
| I am in trouble. | ||
| And then when I found comedy, I was like, oh... | ||
| Now I'm going to be really poor. | ||
| But no, I was like, this I can make a living at. | ||
| I knew guys in Boston that made a living. | ||
| It wasn't that I was going to be... | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons and I started out together, literally one week apart from each other, and Chris McGuire. | ||
| We all started out in the same group. | ||
| And I remember thinking at the time, all we wanted to do was make a living. | ||
| We looked at the local pros, like the Steve Sweeney's and the Don Gavins, who made a living. | ||
| And that was the dream, like one day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To be able to make a living doing stand-up. | ||
| There was never a thought of getting rich, but at least I thought I could make a living. | ||
| Because I remember that racquetball champion. | ||
| That guy was fucked. | ||
| I'm surprised that he was so good, because you normally play racquetball against an older man who looks completely out of shape, looks like he plays the billiards, and he'll fucking smoke you. | ||
| Because he knows the kill shot, which is that front angle. | ||
| And I would always play these guys, but I'm fit, so I could run around, but I don't know how to play racquetball. | ||
| I just hit it against the wall, and these fucking big fat guys would come in with their goggles, and they'd just crush me. | ||
| There was a little bit of that, too. | ||
| Yeah, there was a little bit of that. | ||
| I remember coaching tennis at University of Michigan, and I was making $27,000 a year, okay? | ||
| And I was going to get a $3,000 bonus if I did camps, which camps were like three weeks in July, 16 hours a day sucked, but I did it. | ||
| So I made like $30,000 coaching tennis. | ||
| And I remember thinking... | ||
| If I leave now, I can probably make $20,000 doing comedy. | ||
| I was wrong. | ||
| First year you probably made like $4,000. | ||
| But it motivated me that I was already poor. | ||
| And I was like, you know, I'm not like real poor, but $30,000 a year poor is not great. | ||
| So I was saying, I can switch professions now and probably get close to this. | ||
| How old were you when you started? | ||
| I started when I was 24. That's a good time. | ||
| That was a good time. | ||
| I started at 21. Okay. | ||
| Once you get like 37, it gets sketchy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Like, what happened to your fucking life? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you have enough life perspective. | ||
| Maybe you can pull it off if you're disciplined. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, I felt like at 24, I was still hungry enough to push, but I... Yeah, I mean, some of these guys, they get married and their wife doesn't even know them as a comic, and then they try. | ||
| It's like, you can't do it, man. | ||
| That's ugly. | ||
| Or when you have a kid, you're married, and you have kids, and you have a full-time job, and you tell your wife, look, I'm thinking about going on the road. | ||
| She's like, what are you talking about? | ||
| We need money. | ||
| We need to keep a roof over our head. | ||
| You coach Tommy's baseball team. | ||
| When you're young and poor, it's okay. | ||
| That's the time to take those chances and take those risks. | ||
| That's what I kind of knew when I was 19. I saw that racquetball player. | ||
| Fucking racquetball play really affected you, man. | ||
| It did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's interesting. | |
| Because he was such a winner. | ||
| He was such a winner. | ||
| He could have been a winner at anything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I knew that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I knew winners. | ||
| You know, when I was around this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I was already kind of a winner at Taekwondo. | ||
| I'd already won the US Open by then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| So I was sitting around looking at this guy. | ||
| I was thinking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| This guy, he's not going anywhere. | ||
| He's stuck here. | ||
| You're a U.S. champ, but... | ||
| Yeah, I was fucked. | ||
| I was working at a Boston Athletic Club, teaching people how to lift weights. | ||
| I met Bobby Orr, though. | ||
| I met Bobby Orr there. | ||
| I used to help Bobby Orr get on the VersaClimber. | ||
| Bobby Orr, that's the other thing I realized, too. | ||
| This was before I had hurt my knee. | ||
| I hurt my knee when I was 21. I realized when he was getting on this machine, I used to have to help him get on the VersaClimber. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck. | |
| Because he had had so many knee surgeries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| His legs up and down the sides of both legs were just giant scars. | ||
| That's back when they would stitch you up with dental floss and staples. | ||
| They would just... | ||
| Whatever the fuck they could... | ||
| No helmets. | ||
| Never helmets. | ||
| His knees were gone, man. | ||
| They were gone. | ||
| I mean, he could barely... | ||
| He couldn't straighten his legs. | ||
| Like, his leg went like this to this. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| He had this range of motion. | ||
| So he always walked with his knees slightly bent, and he kind of like shuffled in. | ||
| And the versiclimber was this thing? | ||
| Yeah, that thing. | ||
| So he would have to get on that thing. | ||
| Because you could kind of do that a little bit. | ||
| It was no impact, right? | ||
| So if you wanted some sort of aerobic activity, and he would play racquetball. | ||
| And you're talking about one of the greatest hockey players that has ever lived. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he would play racquetball, and he would just fall down all the time. | ||
| But because he couldn't move correctly because his knees were gone. | ||
| Yeah, there's his knee. | ||
| What? | ||
| There's a Twitter account for his knee? | ||
| Oh, his knee has a Twitter account? | ||
| Bobby Orr's knee? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So when I was 19, I knew this guy. | ||
| What is that knee over in the corner? | ||
| That's resurfaced knees. | ||
| Those are artificial knees. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Bobby Orr back on great... | ||
| What does that say? | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| Bobby Orr back on... | ||
| Looks back on a great Canadian life. | ||
| Oh, is that his knees now? | ||
| He's got artificial knees now. | ||
| I'm sure he has artificial knees now. | ||
| When I knew him... | ||
| Yeah, that's his knees. | ||
| Look at his knees. | ||
| When I knew him, his knees were like that. | ||
| And that was 1986 when I was working at the Boston Athletic Club. | ||
| That was also how I found out about Sam Kinison. | ||
| It's a funny story too. | ||
| Found out that he's a comedian? | ||
| I didn't know who Sam Kinston was. | ||
| I hadn't even thought about doing stand-up yet. | ||
| I just liked comedy. | ||
| But there was a girl who worked there. | ||
| There was a girl who worked there at the front desk. | ||
| She was hilarious. | ||
| She was this big volleyball player. | ||
| She was this big athletic girl. | ||
| She was really bold and funny. | ||
| And she was my friend. | ||
| And I was working in the fitness thing, and she was working at the front desk. | ||
| And she was like, oh my god, you have to see this fucking comedian I saw last night on HBO. And she tells me about this guy, and then she does the bit. | ||
| You know where Sam Kinison did this bit about homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses? | ||
| You ever see the bit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's one of the great stand-up bits of all time. | ||
| It's Kinison's bit. | ||
| Where Kinison's like, he goes, imagine these guys, they're lying down, they're on the slab, they're like, well, I guess my life's over, and I'm gonna be with Jesus now, and he's like, hey, what is this? | ||
| It feels like there's a dick in my ass! | ||
| You mean life keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead? | ||
| It never ends! | ||
| It never ends! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, oh! | |
| This girl, on the parking lot, outside... | ||
| She does this. | ||
| This is the bit. | ||
| This girl lies down on the parking lot and she's killing me. | ||
| I'm crying laughing. | ||
| And I remember thinking while she's doing this, wow, I gotta see this. | ||
| And then I got the videotape off of Blockbuster Video or something. | ||
| That's this bit. | ||
| It's one of the greatest bits of all time. | ||
| And you've got to realize, in the time, in 1986, there was nothing like this. | ||
| Ever! | ||
| How'd you even get the tape? | ||
| I got it off of Blockbuster Video, so you could rent it. | ||
| So it had gone on HBO, and then you'd get it on VHS. And then I remember watching it, and I remember thinking, oh my god, this is comedy too? | ||
| I didn't know... | ||
| I thought comedy was like Jerry Seinfeld, you roll the sleeves up, you talk about your socks. | ||
| I thought it was something that I enjoyed, but my sense of humor was always very fucked up. | ||
| I was a fighter. | ||
| I dealt with a lot of psychopaths. | ||
| My sense of humor was dark. | ||
| And so when this girl, who, God, I wish I stayed in touch with her. | ||
| She was so funny. | ||
| She was just a funny girl. | ||
| I forgot her fucking name. | ||
| I think it was Kim. | ||
| But she was lying down on the... | ||
| I'll never forget it. | ||
| See, first of all, the commitment that she had to lie down on the asphalt. | ||
| She's like, oh, oh! | ||
| You mean life keeps fucking in the ass even after you... | ||
| And she knew the words, too. | ||
| She said it right. | ||
| But I was crying, laughing, watching her do an impression of Sam Kinison. | ||
| And that's how I found out about Kinison. | ||
| And when you first see comedy done, it feels so dangerous, especially if it's connecting with your sick, demented mind in whatever way. | ||
| It just feels like, holy shit, this exists? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why haven't we all been talking about this all the time? | ||
| Well, I knew about Pryor, you know? | ||
| And I knew there was, like, great comedy. | ||
| There was not, like, the TV stuff. | ||
| My parents took me to see Live on the Sunset Strip when I was 15. And I was in the movie theater seeing this. | ||
| I remember that, too. | ||
| That was another really important thing. | ||
| Because I couldn't believe how funny he was just talking. | ||
| I remember thinking, I can't believe I'd seen all these funny movies, but I'd never seen anything this funny. | ||
| And all he's doing is talking. | ||
| There's no special effects. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I know, it's amazing. | ||
| And I remember looking around in the middle of the movie, and all these people were like, ah! | ||
| Like, holding on to the chair, holding on to their stomach. | ||
| And I remember that seed, and then this girl doing the Sam Kinison impression. | ||
| That's probably how I got into comedy. | ||
| But also that dude who was the really handsome racquetball player. | ||
| Not being able to make any fucking money. | ||
| I knew he was fucked, and I knew he was trying to play tennis. | ||
| It's much different. | ||
| And I was like, God damn. | ||
| But I was afraid, right? | ||
| I was a fearful person then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, because I was worried about being a loser. | ||
| I was really worried about being a loser. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, when you're 19, especially in New England, they put a lot of pressure on you to get your act together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I had already taken a year off of school. | ||
| When I went out of high school, I took a year off before I went to college. | ||
| So I was in this time in my life where I was really insecure. | ||
| And even though I was really good at something, I was really good at something nobody gave a fuck about. | ||
| Other than people that were into Taekwondo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It sounds like you were at a fork, big time. | ||
| Big time, big time. | ||
| But you can be at a fork when you're 19 is my point. | ||
| That's the time to get your fucking act in order. | ||
| That's the time to figure out what you're going to do. | ||
| And that girl, lying on her stomach. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| If she maybe didn't commit to that, you maybe... | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| There's so many little steps in your life. | ||
| What was the step that led you to decide to do stand-up? | ||
| To go on stage the first time? | ||
| Well, I remember you mentioned your parents took you to see Live at Sunset Strip. | ||
| I mean, that just says a lot about... | ||
| About your family dynamic in some capacity. | ||
| My mom took me at 10 or 11 to go see Dennis Miller. | ||
| Live? | ||
| Live! | ||
| At the Power Center in Ann Arbor. | ||
| I mean, I still don't understand half the words Dennis Miller uses. | ||
| Today! | ||
| I mean, he's kind of changed a lot since then. | ||
| But the confidence, the arrogance, the I'm an expert. | ||
| Love that. | ||
| 11, 10 years old. | ||
| I was raised to be... | ||
| You know, modest, kind, humble. | ||
| When I could see that someone could just spread his feathers like that, it just seemed like, whoa, what the fuck? | ||
| You can't act like that. | ||
| He doesn't get to do what he deserves. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because he's a right-winger now? | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Once 9-11 happened, he went into a panic. | ||
| He went into a panic? | ||
| I mean, the Off-White album is just phenomenal. | ||
| It's phenomenal. | ||
| His rants, his HBO show. | ||
| Yeah, I've always been a big fan of his. | ||
| But I give my parents credit and my mom credit for taking me to see a fucking stand-up comedy concert. | ||
| He was swearing. | ||
| And you were 11? | ||
| I was 10 or 11. I was young. | ||
| So... | ||
| This shit affects kids, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What you do, what you take them to, what you show them that you're enthusiastic about. | ||
| I'm sure my mom didn't probably dig Dennis Miller's act, but she knew that I was into it, and she was there to take me. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| The seeds that get planted. | ||
| The seeds that get planted. | ||
| But it was 13 years later before you actually got on stage. | ||
| For sure, yeah. | ||
| And I thought it was... | ||
| Had you always had it in your head? | ||
| I always wrote little funny ideas down. | ||
| Who the fuck does that? | ||
| 13, 14? | ||
| I would journal a lot. | ||
| I actually need to get back to journaling. | ||
| It's something I've decided. | ||
| But I would kind of go through my day in a journal, and then for whatever reason, I would usually write down one instance throughout the day that made me laugh. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Maybe because I felt good then, or, you know. | ||
| So then I... I kind of started having this collection of things that I laughed at. | ||
| And that tells you so much about your personality and your sense of humor. | ||
| Like you say you have a demented, fucked up sense of humor. | ||
| There's probably a certain genre of things that make you laugh the hardest. | ||
| And same for me. | ||
| So tennis took over my life and then joke writing became a little bit of a reprieve from the pressures of competition. | ||
| So if I had a match in a couple hours or I was waiting for a court to be done, I would go sit in the locker room or wherever I was and write jokes that Something so unrelated to tennis just to kind of help me diffuse because I put a lot of pressure on myself to play well. | ||
| So eventually, while I was coaching at Michigan, University of Michigan, sorry Jamie, I signed up for an open mic like everybody else and once you do it, you're fucked. | ||
| Did you know after you did the first set that you'd wind up doing it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| My sister was there with me, drunk. | ||
| She's now sober, 15 years. | ||
| I drove her to sobriety, but yeah, I just got off the stage and just, I don't know if it was the same for you, but everything just started to click. | ||
| Oh, all those teacher evaluations that said this. | ||
| Oh, all of the coaches that would say this about me. | ||
| Oh, I'm from a big family and I'm always trying to grab mom and dad's attention like, oh, this is all. | ||
| all making sense now. | ||
| And so everyone that knows me intimately says I became a much easier person to hang around once I started doing comedy. | ||
| It's like I was getting what I needed, whatever the fuck that was. | ||
| And I hate to think that I'm shallow enough that what I really need is external validation, but it might be. | ||
| I don't know if it's necessarily just external validation. | ||
| There's the same challenge that you must have experienced in getting good at tennis and learning how to play, and the challenge of trying to win. | ||
| There's a challenge in trying to get laughs and trying to figure out how to construct a joke. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's problem solving at its most intense. | ||
| I mean, maybe not most intense, not like war. | ||
| But the feel of rejection is so strong that it's problem solving with real stakes, in my opinion. | ||
| And I like that challenge. | ||
| And also, let's not forget, it's great to make people feel a moment of reprieve. | ||
| I mean, that is it. | ||
| That is fucking it. | ||
| And you enjoy it as an audience member as well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| But you were a fan of it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So, I mean, some of my favorite times at the store would be to perform and then hang in the back and watch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And every once in a while go, I can't believe I got to just go fucking do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| While this guy who I love is performing. | ||
| I just did that too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I had gotten away from being a fan a little bit. | ||
| I don't know if it was just industry and just... | ||
| I don't know, but I'm kind of back to it now, and it's nice. | ||
| I like it better. | ||
| Just enjoying comedy. | ||
| Just, Michael, shut the fuck up and watch this and laugh. | ||
| As an audience member. | ||
| As an audience member. | ||
| It also benefited me. | ||
| I remember when I was, like, early days, in my early 20s, like 21, 22, when I was starting out, there was a time where I was very jealous of people who were doing well, and I was hoping people did badly. | ||
| Like, I was working with other people, I was like, oh, I hope he bombs. | ||
| And then I realized, like, oh my god, what a bitch way to think. | ||
| And then I realized that I had not taken the same principles that I had applied to martial arts, and I had not applied them to comedy. | ||
| I had thought this was a totally different thing, and I had allowed my weaker instincts to take over. | ||
| And then I remember being very embarrassed with myself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd say, okay, that's a very weak way to think. | ||
| And you should think about this the same way you think about martial arts, where you should always look at the people that are good as inspirational. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so did you execute that change just through willpower? | ||
| Yeah, really quickly. | ||
| Really quick change. | ||
| It was very quick. | ||
| And then I became a fan again of comedy. | ||
| And I also realized that the way to get good is to have a bunch of other people around you that are also Trying to get good. | ||
| And really, the funniest people, surround yourself with them and work together. | ||
| And then go on the road together. | ||
| Don't take bad comics on the road with you. | ||
| Go on the road with the best people you can. | ||
| Oh, it's the worst. | ||
| It's like, do you have no fucking confidence in yourself that you're going to bring this shitty opener with you? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Bring somebody who makes you go, oh, I better get on my shit right now. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's weird when you see good comics do that. | ||
| It says something about them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| There's a website called Steve G. Tennis. | ||
| It's this guy named Steve G., duh, who compiles the world's tennis results at every level, okay? | ||
| And... | ||
| As a minor league pro tennis player, I would lose. | ||
| You always lose. | ||
| And you could go on Steve G and just look at everyone's results. | ||
| And you start to fucking go mad. | ||
| You start to go like, that guy's not that good, but he won the tournament. | ||
| This guy's won. | ||
| Oh my God, he just won fucking Vancouver. | ||
| And it would drive me mad, right? | ||
| Well, why am I doing this to myself? | ||
| And it's exactly what you just said. | ||
| I found myself at times in comedy checking Steve G. Tennis Of comedy. | ||
| That guy's not fucking funny. | ||
| What the fuck's he doing? | ||
| Why does he have a billboard? | ||
| And that's what's so crazy about comedy. | ||
| Some of these guys that you're competitive with, you drive by their billboard. | ||
| What other profession is that the case? | ||
| If you're trying to be the number one salesman of your team and then like... | ||
| So I had to kind of mature a little bit with that, too, and go, hey, man, see it as inspiration, or you don't even have to see it at all. | ||
| And just focus on your process. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Focus on what you enjoy. | ||
| You should use it as fuel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And also, you've got to realize that their success does not ever equal your failure. | ||
| It has no impact on you. | ||
| Yeah, correct. | ||
| They're a completely different human being. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| But there was a famine mentality in comedy for a long time because there was only like four networks, right? | ||
| Yeah, that was it. | ||
| And if you got a sitcom and I didn't like, fuck, Costa got it? | ||
| Shit, I could have got that. | ||
| I could have been living like a king. | ||
| Now he is. | ||
| And that's how a lot of people thought. | ||
| And so comics were very backstabby with each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I don't think it was until the internet came around until like YouTube and podcasts and they realized that this is bounty of opportunity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then comics realized like, oh, you know what's the best thing is actually we hang around with each other and we get each other on each other's shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then everybody does well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Definitely the right way to be. | ||
| It takes some maturity to do that. | ||
| But if you're podcasting, and you're hosting a show, and you're writing a show, and everyone's this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's one of the things you see now with comedy Twitter. | ||
| The most bitter of all people. | ||
| Where you see these angry, bitter people. | ||
| One thing they have in common, they're all mediocre, and they're not doing well. | ||
| And they're angry and frustrated, and it's so transparent, and they can't see it. | ||
| And they think that somehow by being mean to people that are being successful, or mean to this girl, or mean to this guy, that they're going to somehow or another stop This thing that's happening that's good for them and stop the bad feeling that they have, this disappointment of comparing themselves. | ||
| It's one thing that these people have all in common, the bitter comedy world of Twitter. | ||
| They're just... | ||
| They're just looking at it wrong. | ||
| Occasionally, I would respond to them as for like using it as a fun thing. | ||
| And then I was like, why am I even acknowledging this existence? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's such like. | ||
| Did it ramp up when you got The Daily Show? | ||
| It ramped up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then sometimes when there's pieces that they'll post that become popular. | ||
| It's only when things become popular. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If it's not really a popular piece, it's gone. | ||
| But as soon as it gets some success, then people come out. | ||
| But that's okay. | ||
| I am not doing this to be popular. | ||
| I'm doing it because I want to make people laugh, and it makes me feel good. | ||
| And so let me just make my group of people laugh. | ||
| Well, you can never be popular with everybody. | ||
| It is not humanly possible. | ||
| It's not humanly possible. | ||
| You love that Tenet movie, right, Jamie? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I was reading all these great reviews, and then I stumbled into this one review, trash, total piece of shit, why this movie's awful, and I'm like, okay, well this is just what I'm saying. | ||
| There's always going to be someone that thinks something that's amazing sucks. | ||
| You know, like, there's no getting around that. | ||
| There's certain people that just have this terrible mindset, and they just always look for the worst in things. | ||
| And I think that's, for whatever reason, well, for sure, that's been exacerbated by the pandemic, by people being forced to being at home, and also just being stuck in front of a screen all the time, and not having the input of other humans and real interactions and hugs and... | ||
| A lot of people in my life, friends, acquaintances, have experienced really fucked up things during the quarantine. | ||
| And as I tell this to other people, they all go, yeah, me too. | ||
| Divorce. | ||
| Losing jobs. | ||
| We need to get out and interact. | ||
| The screen is not, it's working like 10% as a substitute. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And I'm hoping, yeah, I'm just trying to second what you're saying that sitting in front of a screen all day is just exacerbating our already deep down anxieties and fears. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, even wearing a mask and being 10 feet away from people only gives you like 30%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We gotta be around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're so social, aren't we? | ||
| Yeah, the socialists. | ||
|
unidentified
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We're so social. | |
| You go to a fucking zoo, you look at the monkeys, they're fucking like sleeping and hugging and they're so close. | ||
| They sleep like so close. | ||
| I remember being like, holy fuck, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the mental health implications of this, the impact of it, it's going to be fucking with people for years. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a lot of people that got real low during this pandemic. | ||
| It's going to be a long road back for them. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah, not good. | ||
| And especially people that are more inclined to be depressed. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've just been telling people what you're feeling is exacerbated right now. | ||
| It's bigger than what it is. | ||
| I hope that we're not doing long-term damage, but I don't know how I could even know the answer to that. | ||
| Well, I'm hoping we come out of it like the Roaring Twenties. | ||
| You know, the Roaring Twenties, that's what they came out of the pandemic of the Spanish flu, and then they went wild. | ||
| They went crazy and fucked the world war. | ||
| Like wild animals. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Dude, we're at three hours and 45 minutes. | ||
| Are you fucking serious? | ||
| Oh, you have a fucking stand-up special. | ||
| We didn't even promote it. | ||
| How did you film this? | ||
| I filmed it before the pandemic. | ||
| How did you do that? | ||
| That was a year ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw you at the LA version of this. | ||
| I don't know if you remember this. | ||
| I had... | ||
| I had fucked up the booking, and I needed to do some pickups, and you had an L.A. improv show on a Saturday late night, and I shot early, and I messaged you on Twitter or whatever, and you were like, dude, come down, do the thing. | ||
| So that was very nice. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, I forgot about that. | ||
| That's then? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| So it's... | ||
| When was that? | ||
| It was a year ago. | ||
| It was December. | ||
| It was a year ago. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow! | |
| I shot in Detroit, New York, and LA. That's what it's titled, and it's three sets around the country. | ||
| Well, that's one thing that's really cool, because you were in Dead Punch back then. | ||
| You were doing a lot of stand-up. | ||
| Dead Punch. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah, that's a pool term. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You mentioned it earlier. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are doing these specials and they're weird. | ||
| A few people have done socially distanced specials. | ||
| Save the material, kids. | ||
| Hang on. | ||
| People have been responding to this special with some nice, like, hey, it felt really good to go to a comedy club again. | ||
| So that's cool. | ||
| Look, is that anything I expected when we shot it? | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Did you film it at the Improv? | ||
| I filmed it at the Improv, the New York Comedy Club in the East Village, and a gem theater in Detroit. | ||
| And we bounce around those three. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| When I'm in L.A., I make fun of L.A. When I'm in New York, I make fun of New York. | ||
| And then when I'm in Michigan, I make fun of the coast. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, it's really fun. | ||
| So I appreciate you having me on. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| Listen, it was great seeing you. | ||
| Great spending some time with you. | ||
| I really, really enjoyed it. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| All right. | ||
| So tell people how they can see it. | ||
| What is it available? | ||
| If you just go to michaelkosta.com, I have a redirect there, or it's on Comedy Central, On Demand, and their website. | ||
| Bang. | ||
|
unidentified
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We got it. | |
| Yay. | ||
| One take. | ||
|
unidentified
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Thanks. | |
| Michael Kosta, ladies and gentlemen. |
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