Aug. 14, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:16:40
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Tim Dillon, fresh off a COVID test. | ||
| How you feeling, buddy? | ||
| How's the nose? | ||
| Feeling good. | ||
| You know, when I go out with friends to restaurants in LA, they, you know, everybody gets the gun, the temperature gun to your head. | ||
| But you know what's fucked up? | ||
| A lot of my friends, they don't do it. | ||
| They do it to me. | ||
| And I'm like, I guess I'm the only one that looks sick. | ||
| Because they look at me and they go, get him, get him. | ||
| And then I ask other people, I'm like, were you hit on the way in? | ||
| They're like, no. | ||
| So I'm like, yeah, it's weird. | ||
| It's like arbitrary the way they do it. | ||
| They're supposed to get everybody. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Maybe they think like you're a little bit overweight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could die. | ||
| They're like, we don't want him dying at Boa Steakhouse in West Hollywood. | ||
| Oh, you could eat outside at Boa. | ||
| They don't want me falling on a TikToker. | ||
| Boa's an outside place. | ||
| Boa's all outside, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You could eat there. | |
| All outside. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those outside places, they're doing good. | ||
| They're jammed. | ||
| But the fucking inside places are doomed. | ||
| They're doomed. | ||
| And they will not reopen. | ||
| Many of them. | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a big problem. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| When do you think Los Angeles is going to open back up again? | ||
| Next spring? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like April? | ||
| Well, I mean, it depends what this second wave does, right? | ||
| If there is a second wave. | ||
| Do we get clobbered in the fall? | ||
| I mean by the time LA reopens, it's gonna be Terminator here. | ||
| Don't you think that it's gonna be Terminator after November no matter what we do? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I feel like with all of the fucking tension, like there was a story in Chicago, right? | ||
| They thought it was a 15 year old girl was shot by the police, it turned out to be a 20 year old man, and he was shot but he was still alive. | ||
| How did they get that wrong? | ||
| The fucking telephone game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know that game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It doesn't work. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| So then everybody goes crazy and goes looting. | ||
| So people are looking for an excuse to go crazy. | ||
| If Trump wins a game- Yeah, it's going to burn. | ||
| Not only that, it's going to be the mail-in thing. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Are they going to take days? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, so it's going to take days. | ||
| I mean, I would assume they're going to have some polls open some places. | ||
| And we're not going to know. | ||
| We're not going to have an answer that night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's going to be a fun week of not knowing who the president is. | ||
| Remember when it happened in 2000? | ||
| No one cared. | ||
| It was funny that we didn't have a president. | ||
| Like, there was all those SNL skits, and everybody was making fun of it. | ||
| There was no real unrest in 2000. But now we cannot handle the uncertainty of not knowing. | ||
| We need to know that night. | ||
| Yeah, the dangling Chad's thing, it was no big deal. | ||
| Yeah, it was funny. | ||
| Everybody was wondering. | ||
| Everybody was like, what are we doing? | ||
| Laugh it off. | ||
| We were all going, we don't need a president. | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| We were so much more emotionally healthy as a country at that moment than we are now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is funny, but it is true. | ||
| Yeah, because we laughed. | ||
| We go, yeah, who cares? | ||
| They go, we're fine. | ||
| But now it's like... | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| And we need a break. | ||
| We need a break. | ||
| Everybody can't be a political pundit. | ||
| My aunt cannot be writing about trade on Facebook. | ||
| I think we should just leave it all to Alyssa Milano. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm looking forward to her tweets in November. | ||
| I'm just going to follow all that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, she was like... | ||
| She's got a podcast. | ||
| We know that. | ||
| She's fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's relevant. | ||
| It's right. | ||
| They're all trying to be relevant. | ||
| Everybody's relevant. | ||
| They have to be... | ||
| You have to get your opinion out there. | ||
| It's super important. | ||
| And that's the way to be relevant now is to just be... | ||
| You know, like, be political. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| That shift where you go from actor to activist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All in. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| As soon as the fucking calls stop coming in, you're like, alright, I'm an activist. | ||
| What's so funny is we know, because we're in this thing, that getting good at this, whether it's comedy or being an actor, it's very tough. | ||
| You're not spending your life thinking about other people. | ||
| Let's just be real, for the most part. | ||
| You're just not. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| You're thinking about your career. | ||
| Yeah, you're thinking about your career. | ||
| I've spent the last decade thinking about myself, my jokes. | ||
| How do I get ahead? | ||
| How do I get ahead? | ||
| How do I get on television for three minutes? | ||
| So this idea that these people are now going to pretend that they've spent their entire career thinking about global warming... | ||
| It's just not true. | ||
| I've met these people, and my friends have opened for some of these people, and I know that these people are going out there and they're like, you know, listen, we've got to do this, we've got to do that, they've got to move the country forward. | ||
| But I've seen them make people cry backstage in a theater because there's not enough water in the dressing room. | ||
| So it's those same people that are really cruel because Going out and telling everybody how good of a person they are all the time. | ||
| Well, they find the pattern. | ||
| They find the pattern, the way they have to talk and the things they have to talk about. | ||
| They lock into those things with no deviation. | ||
| They find whatever the line is where Hollywood wants, whatever the line is always left. | ||
| It's always super progressive, always super woke, and they fucking ride that line like a fucking railroad train. | ||
| Just choo choo straight down, no deviation. | ||
| It's so obvious. | ||
| I know dudes I used to do open mics with who, like, they're tweeting at Mayor Garcetti. | ||
| They're tweeting about the budget in LA. They're like, the budget's being passed. | ||
| They're tweeting the budget. | ||
| I'm like, God, you don't have the money to pay your rent. | ||
| You have no idea what's going on in the world. | ||
| And you're tweeting at Garcetti. | ||
| And they're doing it so that they can get a job. | ||
| They're doing it so that somebody can see him and go, you know what? | ||
| He had a great Garcetti tweet. | ||
| He should write on BoJack Horseman. | ||
| That's the way it works! | ||
| It does kind of work like that. | ||
| I've never been more amused. | ||
| It's very funny. | ||
| But I'm also terrified. | ||
| It's very, we're gonna die. | ||
| It has both of those things happening. | ||
| It's like part of me is laughing at how stereotypical everybody is and how cliche. | ||
| But then part of me is like, this is terrifying. | ||
| People at each other's throats. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| People are enemies now. | ||
| Listen, people never loved each other because it's a competitive business, but people... | ||
| It wasn't nearly as intense as it is right now. | ||
| The feeling of like, if you disagree with somebody, they are your enemy in comedy. | ||
| And they want you to not have a job. | ||
| And I've never felt that way about anybody. | ||
| I don't care what you... | ||
| If you're funny, I truly don't care. | ||
| If you're a communist, if you're a whatever. | ||
| Whatever you are, you don't have any power. | ||
| It's not like you're affecting my life. | ||
| You can believe whatever you want. | ||
| If you're funny, you're funny. | ||
| I don't like to say this in generalizations because I don't believe in generalizations. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| I need them. | ||
| They're the best for comedy. | ||
| I mean, we need them. | ||
| Without generalizations, comedy kind of sucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But more people on the left are doing this than people on the right. | ||
| I don't see that many people on the right. | ||
| I see a few, but I don't see as many people on the right calling for people to get canceled forever. | ||
| But the people on the left are like, burn their house, burn them to the ground. | ||
| Well, the right will do it. | ||
| I mean, the QAnon thing is kind of a way they're doing it, where they're like... | ||
| David Spade's got an ankle bracelet on and he's in jail and Trump's put everyone under house arrest. | ||
| Like, they're in this other thing where it's like, oh, you guys have left the planet. | ||
| Explain to people who don't know what this QAnon show is. | ||
| Well, the QAnon stuff is like, there's this idea that there's an intelligence dissemination operation happening, meaning behind the scenes, high-level intelligence guys or military people are leaking information about a shadow war that we don't really see happening. | ||
| And the shadow war involves Trump and the people on the side of lightness battling these deep state pedophile cannibals. | ||
| I don't know why... | ||
| I never understood why they have to be cannibals. | ||
| I didn't know they were cannibals. | ||
| No, they're cannibals. | ||
| They're eating children, and then they get the adrenochrome to keep them young. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| And then Trump is going to war with all of them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now listen, pedophilia is a big problem. | ||
| They do cover up shit at high levels, 100%. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The Epstein stuff is 100% real. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Clinton's on that plane. | ||
| He's on that island. | ||
| 26 times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Franklin scandal. | ||
| There's scandals all over the world. | ||
| So I'm not delegitimizing the idea of real human trafficking. | ||
| But the idea that Donald Trump is fighting human traffickers and the human traffickers are Ellen, who is a little wild. | ||
| That everyone in Hollywood's eating children and there's tunnels under central park. | ||
| I mean, it's hard to keep up with. | ||
| And the Q drops, so to speak, are like these, you know, they're like poems or they're coded information. | ||
| So it's never like, hey, this is what's happening. | ||
| Where do you get these drops? | ||
| Where do you get them? | ||
| 4chan or something? | ||
| You get them like on 4chan. | ||
| Okay, but 4chan is the best place in the world for trolls. | ||
| Well, that's what maybe this is. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, it could be a high-level troll. | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
| Because it has nuggets of truth, just like anything else, right? | ||
| It has nuggets of very real things. | ||
| The government is shady as fuck. | ||
| A lot of the elites are doing things, engaging in pedophilia, and probably worse. | ||
| Some of those kids on Epstein's Island probably did disappear. | ||
| But the idea that Trump is fighting this underground war and it's all about human traffic, I just don't think that's borne out by the facts. | ||
| There's no facts to point. | ||
| I mean, Trump was friends with the Clintons for his whole life. | ||
| Well, not only that, if Trump was doing it and not talking about it, it would be so out of character. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, imagine this one thing that he's doing is the most noble thing that he's ever done, ever. | ||
| Right, he's not mentioning it. | ||
| The most selfless, the most important, for humanity. | ||
| And he's not even bringing it up. | ||
| He's just secretly winking at all the Q people. | ||
| Well, you know, and so everything he does, there's like a reason he does it, they say. | ||
| Like, when he wishes Lane Maxwell, he goes, I wish her well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, the thing is, that's a rich guy who's forgetting he's the president, who's just on a tee at Mar-a-Lago, because that's how rich people talk. | ||
| I mean, that's literally, and I've been around a few, like, really wealthy people. | ||
| This is how they talk. | ||
| When you say something bad, anything bad, if you go, you know, John's wife has cancer, you know, their kid had a dewey, he's got a problem, he had a couple incidents there at Harvard. | ||
| They go like, this guy, I wish him well. | ||
| Tee off. | ||
| That's how they talk. | ||
| It's just a dismissal. | ||
| It's a way to dismiss it. | ||
| But the Q people are like, oh, there's a meaning. | ||
| There's hidden meaning. | ||
| He's saying that she's... | ||
| And if you look at Ivanka's wearing this dress and it means... | ||
| And it's just like, listen, I'm a conspiracy guy, but this is exhausting. | ||
| Well, the I don't care, do you, jacket? | ||
| The jacket? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't care, do you? | ||
| Isn't that what it said? | ||
| Yeah, I don't care, I don't really care, do you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's weird. | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| Yeah, these are weird things. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| So I think the Trump administration feeds the trolls. | ||
| Like, I think they like it. | ||
| I think he'll, by the time the election rolls around, he'll be like full, full Q, just leaning in. | ||
| Who's behind the scenes pulling the strings? | ||
| Is it Ivanka? | ||
| They say J.R. Kushner has a lot of power. | ||
| But wouldn't it be funny if it was Ivanka doing the whole thing? | ||
| It could be. | ||
| If she's the one stroking her chin, like, hmm. | ||
| She's the boss. | ||
| What is the nugget we release next? | ||
| She's QAnon. | ||
| She's the smart one who's setting it all up. | ||
| She's the pretty daughter. | ||
| Everybody dismisses her. | ||
| Nobody takes her seriously. | ||
| She's in the background of the whole fucking show with black leather gloves on. | ||
| That go to the elbow gloves? | ||
| Like the Inspector Gadget hand? | ||
| You just see your hand typing on 4chan? | ||
| Send? | ||
| Send? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, man. | ||
| You know, Steve Bannon said something. | ||
| There was a documentary about... | ||
| Errol Morris made a documentary about Steve Bannon. | ||
| Steve Bannon said this very interesting thing. | ||
| He said, you know... | ||
| There's a guy out there who's got a horrible life. | ||
| He's divorced. | ||
| His kids don't like him. | ||
| He has a shitty job. | ||
| But when he plays League of Legends or World of Warcraft, one of these games, he's a hero. | ||
| And when he dies in real life, nobody really cares. | ||
| But when he dies in the game, so many people come out and they show him respect because you're playing with people from all over the world. | ||
| So Bannon's like, which life is the real life? | ||
| Which, of course, it's the real one that you're living, not this fantasy game. | ||
| But I think the QAnon thing, I think... | ||
| The Trump administration is like, yeah, let people believe they're hunting pedophiles online. | ||
| It gives their lives meaning. | ||
| Let these people believe they're hunting the Clintons. | ||
| It's like fun. | ||
| It's like a fun video game for them, and then they don't have to ask why they don't have health insurance and can't get a knee operation. | ||
| I don't think that it's that involved. | ||
| I think it's just a thing that's happening that happens to fit in with human nature. | ||
| That's probably true, too. | ||
| I don't believe that the Trump administration has the resources to do that, but still, they would have to be so 4-D chess. | ||
| I think they may encourage it a little. | ||
| I think they may just pour a little gasoline on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Yeah! | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| If they think that's their base. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, why not? | ||
| They're having fun. | ||
| When you go out to a Trump rally, you want a little fun. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The things that he does that are mistakes, like these interviews that he does, where he'll argue about shit. | ||
| He'll argue about how well they're doing, or what's wrong, or what he got right, or what his IQ is, or how well he did at this intelligence test. | ||
| Anybody who's playing 3D chess is not going to do that. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he's not playing any chess, I think. | ||
| He's going by instinct. | ||
| He's riffing, and we've said it before. | ||
| I've said it on the show before. | ||
| It's amazing to watch a guy get up, no material, and just crush. | ||
| He's really going by instinct. | ||
| He's perfectly suited for this era because he's hypnotizing. | ||
| If you start listening to him, you can't stop. | ||
| I'll try to watch one five-minute clip of an interview. | ||
| I end up watching the whole hour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he's like, there's a hypnotic thing that's going on where he just is up and down and you just, you can't not listen. | ||
| Have you ever seen Scott Adams talk about him? | ||
| No. | ||
| Scott Adams is an interesting guy. | ||
| He's a very intelligent guy. | ||
| He wrote the Dilbert comics. | ||
| You know what he is? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So he's basically saying that Trump is like a master persuader, and Scott Adams understands hypnosis and persuasion, and he's talking about the way the guy does it and how he does it, that he's a master persuader. | ||
| A lot of people disagree with him, but what's interesting is he doesn't even vote. | ||
| Scott Adams doesn't vote, and he's not really a Trump supporter, although he does say a lot of things that seem to I think he leans towards Trump being more persuasive than just going by his gut, because it sort of fills his... | ||
| He's got this theory that aligns with his theory, so he goes along. | ||
| I see him leaning into it a little bit, where it's not like he's totally objective about it. | ||
| But he's lost millions of dollars because of this. | ||
| Millions. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like, people have turned on him. | ||
| He was saying on Twitter the other day that people slowed down in front of his house, started screaming that he's a racist. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| For nothing. | ||
| Just because he said that Trump is persuasive. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that he said that he thinks Trump is essentially pulling people's strings and manipulating people in a really interesting way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he is. | ||
| I mean, like, any president does that. | ||
| But Trump does it extremely well. | ||
| Well, he does it a non-presidential way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what's weird. | ||
| That's a weird way of doing it. | ||
| I love con artists and grifters, and to me, Trump is the highest level, biggest con ever, most successful, you know, without a question. | ||
| I mean, like, you know, he's the king of all of those guys. | ||
| Every guy sitting in an office right now, calling people up, trying to sell him shit over the phone, that's the... | ||
| Trump's the king. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the guy. | |
| Trump's the highest level that you can... | ||
| I mean, anybody... | ||
| I mean, if you're using a fake ID to try to buy cigarettes, up the ladder, there's Donald Trump. | ||
| Like, all the way up the ladder. | ||
| And that, to me, I think, because everyone's like, he's evil, or he's Jesus. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| I don't look at things that emotionally because I guess I'm just not a total loser. | ||
| I think that's really what it is. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I think if you're really, if you have nothing going on, everything becomes about politics, which I'm never going to meet Nancy Pelosi. | ||
| I mean, this is a television show. | ||
| I'm not saying that real things don't happen, that people aren't affected. | ||
| But this day-to-day, you're inundated with, like, he said, she said, Pelosi, Schumer. | ||
| It's like, dude... | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| My favorite Pelosi and Schumer image of all time was them with the African outfit on, on their knees, not realizing that the cloth pattern they're wearing was from a tribe that was notorious for selling slaves. | ||
| They were notorious for being a major part of the slave trade. | ||
| Well, so was the Democratic Party for many years. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| That's what people don't know. | ||
| When you go way back to the Democrats, the Democrats were the Confederates. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| It's just we've been looking at these people for too long. | ||
| Got that image? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's good, but it's not as good as the one when they're on their knees. | ||
| I love the hands on the hips. | ||
| Oh, and the mask as well. | ||
| They've got everything going on there. | ||
| Boss bitch, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's beautiful. | ||
| Someone was saying that, like, well, you have to respect Nancy Pelosi. | ||
| Someone said that to me. | ||
| And I said, she wants 16-year-olds to be able to vote. | ||
| They look, by the way, like invaders that just came into a country, slaughtered people, and took their clothing. | ||
| Hopped off of a boat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they look like people that just colonized an area and took their cloth. | ||
| Yeah, they're wearing like swamp boots. | ||
| Isn't she like, how old is she? | ||
| A million. | ||
| She's a million years old. | ||
| I mean, does anyone retire? | ||
| Does anyone step away? | ||
| No, you die at a Trump rally like Herman Cain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Respect to Herman Cain. | ||
| Respect. | ||
| No mask. | ||
| Godfather's Pizza. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Went out there. | ||
| No mask. | ||
| He does what he wants. | ||
| But he had cancer. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| He had cancer, I think. | ||
| Oh, did he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he died of COVID. Yeah. | ||
| If you have COVID and you die of cancer, you still die of COVID. Right. | ||
| If you get hit by a car, you die of COVID. I don't think they do it that far. | ||
| Well, you'll see. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| There's going to be a documentary in a few years about this. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| New York Times is saying today they think it's underreported. | ||
| They think that the COVID deaths are somewhere around 200,000. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, at a certain point, you have to stop reading because everything you read every hour contradicts the last thing you've read. | ||
| And they're like, it's airborne. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| You can get it off surfaces. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| Just kill me. | ||
| I don't know what's happening. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| They're making it up on the go because they're getting new data all the time. | ||
| They're constantly getting new information, new studies, new things. | ||
| But they don't react to all the studies. | ||
| One of the big ones is the fact that it dies in sunlight. | ||
| So if that's the case, well, you should let people do all sorts of outdoor activities. | ||
| These studies, when you read about the studies, they're like, we sampled a certain amount of people and this is what we found. | ||
| And it's like, that's not necessarily indicative of anything. | ||
| Well, it's... | ||
| It's information. | ||
| It's better than nothing. | ||
| Yeah, and it depends on who's reading the study and what their bias is and what they're trying to say. | ||
| But it's clear that they're trying to figure this out. | ||
| I mean, obviously, it's only been around for six, seven months, and we're real confused. | ||
| In many cases, a lot, like for whatever reason, their immune system has not had as many prior experiences with coronaviruses. | ||
| So if your immune system has gotten a lot of colds and you fought them off, supposedly you're in a better position to deal with this than somebody who has not had that happen. | ||
| Germophobes are fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Germophobes. | ||
| The fact that we were shaking hands and on and off planes, that might be good. | ||
| That might have strengthened our immune system. | ||
| Well, they were saying that about people in prison. | ||
| One of the reasons why the people in prison are doing so well with it, like when guys are in prison, you would say, oh, what a fucking terrible place for your immune system. | ||
| But was it Huberman? | ||
| Was it Andrew Huberman who was talking to us about this? | ||
| I think it was. | ||
| He was saying... | ||
| Might not have been him. | ||
| Too many guests. | ||
| They were talking about immune systems and that when you think of your immune system, you think, well, if you're healthy and calm and well slept and you're not stressed out, that's when your immune system is at its best. | ||
| Well, that's not really the case. | ||
| And those people that are in jail, stuffed in next to all these people, breathing in everybody's bacteria and all the viruses and shit that's in the air, No escape from each other. | ||
| No way to social distance. | ||
| Those people actually have pretty strong immune systems because of that. | ||
| They're doing good. | ||
| Because their immune system is in shape. | ||
| So the LA homeless population has got to be great. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| They probably have a natural immunity. | ||
| You know they have typhus? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know that? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| They found typhus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a middle-aged disease. | ||
| It's come back because of the conditions, the urine, the feces. | ||
| Not a middle-aged, medieval. | ||
| I always fuck that up. | ||
| Every time I do that, I'm like, this time I'm going to get it right. | ||
| Nope, I always say middle-aged, not medieval. | ||
| But they're doing good with corona because they have a strong immune system, so why don't we open the comedy store up and just have the homeless be the servers? | ||
| Like, why can't we open up businesses in LA and just have the homeless who've strengthened their immune systems operate the businesses? | ||
| They don't show up for work. | ||
| Let them shoot the voice. | ||
| Let homeless people go in and direct the voice. | ||
| I don't think they don't show up a lot. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They're very unreliable. | ||
| They're unreliable. | ||
| Maybe you should have like three homeless for each job. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone's coming in. | ||
| Becky's ready. | ||
| Becky's on standby. | ||
| Becky's over there shaking and scratching. | ||
| Here's the camera. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pointed at how we meant that this is America's Got Talent. | ||
| There's 70,000 of them just in LA. It's crazy. | ||
| They don't even know really how many there are now because there were 70,000 of them before Corona. | ||
| Oh, there's going to be millions. | ||
| Imagine if there's a million homeless people. | ||
| There's going to be millions of homeless people. | ||
| It's going to look very soon like a, and it's already starting to get there, like a movie. | ||
| Like a post-apocalyptic movie where you drive down Melrose and everything's boarded up. | ||
| And you see a lot... | ||
| Like, it's gonna start looking really bad here. | ||
| It could look really bad here. | ||
| New York is a nightmare. | ||
| I've heard. | ||
| Like, New York, the crime is skyrocketing. | ||
| And, you know, there's just... | ||
| You know, the relationship between the police and the people is very fraught. | ||
| And it's very hard. | ||
| I mean, it's like, so the police like, fuck it, we don't want to do anything. | ||
| And you like, you understand a lot of they're just like, listen, we're gonna sit back. | ||
| And then now, a lot of areas are just being policed by criminal elements by gangs and stuff like that. | ||
| Because that's what happens in a power vacuum, you know, if you get rid of The cops, I'm not saying they shouldn't be reformed or they shouldn't have all these new regulations, but if you defund them or get rid of them, somebody steps into that vacuum and it's going to be usually a gang, the mafia, crime syndicate, whatever. | ||
| Dude, de Blasio. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| If you think your mayor is bad. | ||
| De Blasio is a nightmare. | ||
| He's like, hold my beer. | ||
| He's bad. | ||
| He's the worst. | ||
| He's bad. | ||
| He eats pizza with a fork. | ||
| And what's great is that... | ||
| He does. | ||
| He does, yeah. | ||
| What's great is that everyone hates him, like the left hates him, for different reasons, and then the right hates him. | ||
| Even the Black Lives Matter people hate him. | ||
| They all hate him. | ||
| He's so pandering. | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Eating pizza with a fork. | ||
| He's disgusting. | ||
| What kind of a fucking human? | ||
| What is this, the mafia? | ||
| Who's he sitting with? | ||
| A bunch of old dead people. | ||
| Who is this, the mob? | ||
| Look how ridiculous this is. | ||
| Is the teacher's unit? | ||
| The one guy with the sleeves, the guy with the sleeve tattoos, he better not eat that pizza with a fork. | ||
| I will fucking find him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, de Blasio. | ||
| He's a fake human. | ||
| He's not a real human. | ||
| He's like a goofball. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he gets up with his wife. | ||
| They did like a rally right after coronavirus. | ||
| And like she gets up and she goes, power to the people. | ||
| And then she thought like it was going to be like a 60s rally. | ||
| And then the crowd was just stared at her like, what the fuck? | ||
| We're going to die, lady. | ||
| Everyone's coughing. | ||
| Yeah, they thought it was going to be like they were going to start beating tambourines. | ||
| Like, power to the people. | ||
| Her and de Blasio think they're living some historic moment. | ||
| Well, they are. | ||
| It's just not what they think it is. | ||
| It's just not what they think it is. | ||
| They're in the wrong movie. | ||
| Yeah, it's rough, man. | ||
| Yeah, cities are in trouble. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he literally said, you can only protest if it's a Black Lives Matter protest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Listen, as much as I support the movement, that is not freedom of speech. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's anti-First Amendment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is a big part of who we are. | ||
| You can't say you can only do one kind of protest. | ||
| Everybody's got to protest or nobody's got to protest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Everyone's got to be allowed. | ||
| You got to allow the anti-mask people with Candace Owens singing songs with Sean Hannity. | ||
| And you need to let the Black Lives Matter people do it. | ||
| Everybody's got to be able to protest. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I rented a house in the desert, and it's 119 degrees every day. | ||
| So not only can people not protest, you can't leave your house without dying. | ||
| Like, if you leave your house, you get skin cancer. | ||
| Sauna life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they tried to do a protest. | ||
| I swear to God, it lasted three blocks. | ||
| They were banging a thing. | ||
| They were like, no justice. | ||
| They were like, no... | ||
| No, Pete. | ||
| Like, they had no idea. | ||
| And then they were sitting down. | ||
| You saw them, like, sitting down, eating ice. | ||
| I am 100% for police reform. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I'm 100%. | ||
| I 100% believe there's too much police brutality. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| I am also 100% in the belief that there's a lot of people that are doing this and following this movement because, like we were talking about before with actors, It is the trendy thing to do. | ||
| Social. | ||
| And then, also, what you're seeing in Portland and Seattle, you're seeing crazy white people trying to light government buildings on fire. | ||
| Well, they think if they bash the windows of Amazon, this is the beginning of the revolution. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's all connected to police brutality. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It is not connected at all to police. | ||
| It's just anarchy. | ||
| It's just chaos. | ||
| When you unleash that, like, in the beginning of this, like, listen, you burned down a target. | ||
| It was fine. | ||
| I even laughed. | ||
| I said, who gives a shit? | ||
| It's in Minneapolis. | ||
| Like, did this happen in Minneapolis? | ||
| So what? | ||
| A target gets it in Minneapolis. | ||
| The guy gets charged the next day. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| But when you unleash total chaos, you know more about violence than anybody. | ||
| You can't control it. | ||
| You can't direct it to the targets that you think are right. | ||
| It's also intoxicating and fun. | ||
| All those people that are involved in it, wearing masks, showing up every day. | ||
| They're having a good time. | ||
| It gives their life meaning. | ||
| Right, it does. | ||
| They're trying to beat the man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're trying to break down the fucking fence they put around the federal building, and they're trying to light that bitch on fire using Bibles. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're lighting Bibles on fire. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I mean, it's all chaos. | ||
| It's just insane. | ||
| And how about the mayor of Seattle? | ||
| It's like, maybe this is our summer of love. | ||
| Yeah, I've never been there. | ||
| I don't want to ever go. | ||
| The Pacific Northwest, I hate it. | ||
| I know you do. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about those people. | ||
| I don't care about those trees and the trails. | ||
| And they all look like vampires. | ||
| They're pale and gaunt freaks. | ||
| They're so weird. | ||
| Amway, that scam started up there. | ||
| Multi-level marketing started up there. | ||
| Yeah, they're all looking for something to believe in. | ||
| And those are problem areas. | ||
| Well, that's where Brett Weinstein was teaching at Evergreen, and that's where they came for him. | ||
| Yeah, they were patrolling the campus with bats. | ||
| Looking for him. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| He's literally as progressive as a human can get. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's also a nerd. | ||
| Super nice guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they were coming for him. | ||
| I've never liked it. | ||
| There's something about the Pacific Northwest, I've just never connected with it. | ||
| I thought about living there once. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, you love that stuff. | ||
| I don't give a shit about it. | ||
| It rains all the time. | ||
| I know, but that's why these people are out throwing Bibles at the Federal Building, is because it's raining all the time. | ||
| Well, I don't know what makes that place so progressive and so left-wing, but the thing is that you saw hints of this many years ago where Antifa would stop traffic. | ||
| They were doing these things. | ||
| And they would get people to say Black Lives Matter. | ||
| It's like, what's the point of that? | ||
| This was before that. | ||
| They weren't connected with Black Lives Matter. | ||
| Before the coronavirus thing, before George Floyd, the Antifa people, it was all about right-wing people. | ||
| It was all about combating right-wing folks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like the Proud Boys. | ||
| They would have those skirmishes. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's where the Proud Boys came from. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They came from Gavin- Protecting right-wing speakers. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They wanted someone to fight back against Antifa who were shutting down people who were speaking at colleges who were right-wing. | ||
| People like Milo or anybody else. | ||
| Ann Coulter or whatever. | ||
| Yeah, those kind of people. | ||
| So that's where it all came from in the first place. | ||
| But when you would go to Seattle, they were letting these fucking people direct traffic. | ||
| Or was it Portland? | ||
| Might have been Portland. | ||
| Portland. | ||
| They were letting these fucking people direct. | ||
| They were telling people, you can't go down this road. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so this old man was like, I'm going. | ||
| And they started chasing him and they kicked his ass. | ||
| They're beating on his fucking car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know why people on Twitter defend that. | ||
| And I don't know why a lot of celebrities defend it. | ||
| And I don't understand why a lot of mainstream Democrats don't just call that out for what it is. | ||
| I've never once seen a mainstream Republican ever. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Defend the Proud Boys or that was certainly not their hill to die on. | ||
| If a mainstream Republican defended them, it was a huge news story. | ||
| Usually, I don't know why. | ||
| I think the big problem is things are happening. | ||
| You see them with your own eyes and then people tell you that they're not happening. | ||
| They're like, no, that protest is peaceful. | ||
| You're like, I saw them light a guy on fire and use him as a battering ram to get into Macy's. | ||
| They're like, well, you know, he gave them a look. | ||
| There's always a qualifier. | ||
| There's always this weird qualifier. | ||
| They're like, well, here's what happened. | ||
| You're like, they were beating a child. | ||
| They're like, let me explain what happened. | ||
| They were gathered together. | ||
| They had burning Bibles, bows and arrows, bike locks and chains. | ||
| That child crossed the street. | ||
| That child said, my dad's a cop. | ||
| You see the child starting? | ||
| You're like, no. | ||
| There's always a weird like, but they did it first. | ||
| They're the thugs of the left wing. | ||
| They're doing the dirty work that the left-wing wants to get done. | ||
| They're like theater kids. | ||
| They're like people that failed at stand-up comedy in theater and they moved back to Portland from LA and now they're like, let's burn it all down. | ||
| I didn't get a Comedy Central half hour. | ||
| It's truly what it is. | ||
| You ever see the ones that are practicing self-defense? | ||
| No. | ||
| They train. | ||
| They actually train. | ||
| These Antifa people were meeting in the park and they were getting raided for skirmishes with the right-wing people. | ||
| This is all pre-COVID when this was funny. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Because pre-COVID this was funny. | ||
| When it stopped being funny was, how do you pronounce his last name? | ||
| Go, Andy Ngo. | ||
| Andy Ngo. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| When Andy Ngo got beat up and they milkshaked him and people were mocking him. | ||
| I'm like, hey, why do you think it's okay to beat this guy up? | ||
| Why do you think it's okay to steal this guy's camera? | ||
| Yeah, what is that? | ||
| No one is saying this is wrong? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then I started to say, okay, this is going to be a real problem. | ||
| And then the economy got shut down and you're like, oh, this will only make this bigger. | ||
| Yeah, way bigger. | ||
| Yeah, this will only fuel the fire. | ||
| But again, it's like these people who go there, whether they're trying to light the federal building on fire or direct traffic, they have a purpose now. | ||
| They have a thing, and they have a cause. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like when they took over that six-block section of Portland, or Seattle, rather. | ||
| Yeah, Chaz. | ||
| Chaz, yeah. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Chow? | ||
| What was it called again? | ||
| It was Chaz. | ||
| Or Chop? | ||
| Chop. | ||
| It became Chop, but it started as Chaz. | ||
| But young countries often have, you know, hiccups as they develop. | ||
| I was going to have that guy on my show, the guy Raz. | ||
| Yeah, I was too. | ||
| Then he got caught with a gun. | ||
| I know. | ||
| He was handing an AK to someone or whatever it was. | ||
| Yeah, I still would have had him, but we couldn't get a Zoom link working. | ||
| I was going to have him here in person. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| That would have been fun. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, listen, man, I support you doing your thing, but you can't bring it out a gun. | ||
| And I didn't even know what the thing is. | ||
| Well, then they shot two people there. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| He didn't shoot two people. | ||
| Well, he didn't, but someone definitely did. | ||
| The other thing they were doing that was crazy was they basically became a really shittily run country. | ||
| They put up borders almost immediately. | ||
| Barriers. | ||
| They want borders. | ||
| When people were doing things they didn't want them to do, they were the worst case of police brutality. | ||
| They just beat the fuck out of people. | ||
| They just beat people out. | ||
| So if you were trying to film them doing something they didn't want you to film, they'd just kick your ass. | ||
| Well, this is just like if you believe in something really fervently, it's always the ends justify the means. | ||
| However you get there, it doesn't matter. | ||
| Anything's justified in the pursuit of this utopia that you think you're going to erect in downtown Seattle. | ||
| Well, it's also, you're doing exactly what you think shouldn't have been done to America. | ||
| You're occupying land. | ||
| You're taking over existing structures. | ||
| You're kicking out the indigenous people of Seattle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think, you know, the shitty thing is, like, electoral politics isn't perfect, but that's what you have to do. | ||
| Like, look at Cortez. | ||
| She got elected, you know? | ||
| The people that believe the things you believe can get elected. | ||
| They have to work within the system because all the violence that chaos will do will give the government a reason to even clamp down more. | ||
| Now they've got people throwing people in advance in Portland, the DHS, because again, you're not going to overthrow the government. | ||
| You're not going to overthrow the military. | ||
| It's not the way it's going to work. | ||
| They catch you breaking public property. | ||
| It's just going to be an excuse for them to clamp down more and we're going to be in more of a police state than we were. | ||
| Yeah, the idea that when they did that, that somehow or another incited the violence to get worse. | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| No, it was chaos every night for 50 days. | ||
| I'm not for the unmarked vans. | ||
| I think that's a bad... | ||
| I think all of those things... | ||
| End up being – because look at what happened after 9-11. | ||
| They said we're going to do this, this, and this, and then all of a sudden nobody got any rights back, by the way. | ||
| Your emails are still being read. | ||
| You have no privacy. | ||
| All of that's still there. | ||
| So if we just establish a precedent of like, yeah, some people need to get thrown in a van, and we'll explain why that is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That becomes a major problem going forward. | ||
| Did you see when they got thrown into vans, how excited everybody else was? | ||
| What's your name? | ||
| What's your name? | ||
| We'll get you out, friend! | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| It's like, you guys are all like Luke Skywalker. | ||
| This is what happens when you shut a country down for three months. | ||
| This is the only fun left. | ||
| Nothing's open anymore. | ||
| The only fun thing left to do is to overthrow the government and get thrown in a van. | ||
| This is summer vacation to people. | ||
| You know they used to have those dumb escape rooms that people used to do? | ||
| I love escape rooms. | ||
| You shut the fuck up. | ||
| They're stupid. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| But this is a real one. | ||
| This is a fun real one now. | ||
| It is a fun real one. | ||
| How fun is that? | ||
| How do you light the federal building on fire? | ||
| Now it's a real one. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's interesting, man. | ||
| And I wonder how these people are going to transition into regular grown-up life after life as an anarchist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I think that ship has sailed, Joe. | |
| I think regular grown-up life, the ship is on both sides. | ||
| The people that were in Charlottesville marching around like, we're going to have a white country. | ||
| I mean, these people also- They will not replace us. | ||
| Yeah, Jews will not replace us. | ||
| It's like those people are, as well, you'll never please the far left and the far right. | ||
| The people that are really on the fringes, you're never going to make them happy. | ||
| Like Kamala Harris, by the way, is a fine VP choice. | ||
| Yes, we're all going to get put in jail. | ||
| Yes, she's going to put you in jail. | ||
| But guess what? | ||
| Who is he going to pick? | ||
| Elizabeth Warren, who lied about being a Native American. | ||
| Kamala's good because the people in the middle don't care that she's a cop. | ||
| No one gives a shit. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| You might care that she locked up people, but the Republican convention is going to be very tough to really get people mad at Kamala Harris. | ||
| They're going to be like, fuck Kamala. | ||
| Everyone's going to go, yeah, they're going to go, she's a cop and she locked up minorities. | ||
| Republicans go... | ||
| Is this a real problem? | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| You think she's the worst? | ||
| I don't think she's the worst, but I think it's very interesting. | ||
| Well, somebody wrote on Twitter that the left is very much against sexism and racism. | ||
| Yet they elected someone or they chose someone to be a VP based entirely on their sex and their race. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But we knew that was going to happen. | ||
| We knew that was going to happen. | ||
| This is why all these people on Twitter and guys that I really like. | ||
| I really love Kyle Kuklinski and those people. | ||
| But they were so mad about it. | ||
| I'm like, guys, didn't you see it was going to happen? | ||
| Didn't you... | ||
| Didn't you, like, it's the most predictable choice in history. | ||
| I was thinking if they went nuclear, Michelle Obama. | ||
| That would have been wild, right? | ||
| She would have won. | ||
| She would have won. | ||
| They would have won. | ||
| And Cuomo from New York, who I call Meatball, the governor of New York. | ||
| Meatball and Michelle Obama win. | ||
| Did you see the latest Cuomo thing? | ||
| No, what's he doing now? | ||
| Kyle Kalinske sent me this. | ||
| He's out of control over there. | ||
| His brother pretended to have coronavirus, by the way. | ||
| They pretended? | ||
| Well, his brother Chris Cuomo said he beat coronavirus by doing chest exercises. | ||
| What? | ||
| Swear to God. | ||
| There's a YouTube video where Chris Cuomo's going, you know, this virus gets in your body and it wants to stay there. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| You just start stretching your chest, doing this, and you get rid of it. | ||
| That's literally. | ||
| I mean, he's never forget. | ||
| Lie or lie. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yes, he's a liar. | ||
| He said you gotta stretch your chest? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If you can find it, Jamie, it's real. | ||
| And he said he cured himself. | ||
| He cured himself by doing chest exercises and stretching his lungs out. | ||
| Well, the worst part was when he pretended to come out of the basement for the first time when he had already been in a fucking fight with some guy who was riding a bike. | ||
| They're pathological liars, both of them. | ||
| I don't think that's what the case is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| From a person who's worked in show business for a long time, I think he had a producer at CNN, and they had this shot scheduled. | ||
| We're going to film you coming out of the basement. | ||
| It's going to be amazing. | ||
| You're going to embrace your family for the first time in two weeks. | ||
| Okay, did the producer make him pretend to have coronavirus? | ||
| Cuomo's protecting his Wall Street donors from Democratic tax bills. | ||
| So this is, but the tweet I sent you, Jamie. | ||
| I didn't send you the tweet? | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| New disclosure records show Andrew Cuomo's largest hedge fund donor just funneled huge money to the governor precisely the moment Cuomo has been blocking Democratic legislators' bills to reinstate New York's financial transactions tax. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| If that's the case, if he knew that tax was coming, and he blocked it just so that he could get paid, I don't know enough about financing. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| You used to sell houses. | ||
| Tell me. | ||
| I was a subprime mortgage guy. | ||
| I know these things. | ||
| You're my guy I go to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, good. | ||
| I mean, it's very possible that he did block it so he could get paid. | ||
| I mean, these people give themselves raises constantly, no matter what circumstances are. | ||
| No matter what shortfall the city government's in, these people constantly give themselves raises. | ||
| And Cuomo's got to play an interesting game because Wall Street money is how New York is even alive. | ||
| If enough Wall Street people leave, they're fucked. | ||
| Well, they're fucked right now. | ||
| They're fucked right now. | ||
| 50% of the taxes in New York are paid by the rich. | ||
| Right, and they're leaving. | ||
| It's like 1% of the people pay 50% of the taxes. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of them went to the Hamptons, a lot of them got out of the city, and a lot of them are leaving the city. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, you know, you can shit on the rich, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| I think a lot of them should, you know, a lot of them get... | ||
| Out of paying taxes by routing their money offshore, and they do a lot of things they shouldn't do. | ||
| But that tax base is essential for that city. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And this is where they're fucked. | ||
| And also foreign criminals. | ||
| As sad as it is, third world dictators, Chinese amusement park tycoons, Russian oligarchs, and assorted murderers... | ||
| You need their money! | ||
| Yeah, otherwise how are you going to sell stock? | ||
| That's the reality. | ||
| They have to come in and launder their money through New York real estate. | ||
| They got to come in and buy 10 apartments they don't use, and then their daughter goes to NYU. I mean, otherwise that whole city is going to fall apart. | ||
| It's not right or wrong, good or bad. | ||
| It's just what's going to happen. | ||
| It's just what it is. | ||
| Did you see Cuomo trying to bring the rich people back? | ||
| He's like, come on over, I'll cook. | ||
| Yeah, I'll cook. | ||
| He's a goon, that guy. | ||
| How many people are you cooking for, bro? | ||
| He's an idiot. | ||
| This is that folksy horse shit that they do, like, I'm making me bowl for you. | ||
| I'll cook for you. | ||
| Come on over. | ||
| How about not letting the city get destroyed? | ||
| How about not sending sick, old people to the nursing home where they can infect everybody else? | ||
| Well, that I was for. | ||
| I think a good brush fire through the nursing homes is good, to be honest with you. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| I mean, my mother's in a nursing home. | ||
| Her roommate had COVID for a month. | ||
| My mother never got it. | ||
| Every day they would go in and they were like, will you? | ||
| My mother's an annoying woman, loud, looks like me. | ||
| Every day they walked in, they're like, will you die? | ||
| She's like, I feel great. | ||
| So we're all hoping second wave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But it's like... | |
| You know, she won't die. | ||
| The woman's 300 pounds. | ||
| She won't die. | ||
| She won't die. | ||
| What is she eating? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Probably her roommate who died of COVID. She's probably eating her. | ||
| But the woman won't die. | ||
| She's indefatigable. | ||
| That's a great word. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I whip it out here. | ||
| I don't know if I can say it right. | ||
| I don't think I said it right. | ||
| I couldn't say medieval. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| This is how he beat Corona. | ||
| I don't think that. | ||
| I think he's just talking about the tightness in his chest. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Stop defending him. | ||
| I have to defend all guineas. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| Because I have too much of that in me. | ||
| This is the vaccine for coronavirus, by the way, going like this. | ||
| Stretching. | ||
| He's stretching. | ||
| Yeah, he's stretching. | ||
| I like how the stairs are behind him. | ||
| Yeah, it's all horseshit. | ||
| He looks fine. | ||
| It's probably a set. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably a set. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably a green screen. | |
| He's not sick. | ||
| He's like, he goes, you know, he goes, this virus gets in you and wants to kill you. | ||
| But he goes, you know what I do? | ||
| He goes, I just stretch the lungs, stretch the lungs. | ||
| And it's like, okay, so we shut down the economy for three months for a virus where you can just... | ||
| Stretch your lungs up. | ||
| You can stretch the lungs and then that's it. | ||
| Something's off. | ||
| Well, this virus is fucked up because if you talk to some people, it's nothing. | ||
| And I know people that have gotten it, they've got a headache. | ||
| And they're fucked. | ||
| And then other people that have gotten it and they're fucked still. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I think Michael Yeo is still having a problem with fatigue. | ||
| My ex-manager, his wife got it. | ||
| She still can't smell. | ||
| Whoa, how long ago? | ||
| Three months. | ||
| She still can smell a few things. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Is she healthy? | ||
| Yeah, she's a thin, you know, middle-aged woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah, it's weird, and they're also saying that some large number of people that get it, they have heart damage. | ||
| So after it's over, they show, like that baseball player, there's a professional baseball player that has to sit out the rest of the season because he got checked out. | ||
| I mean, I think he's 29 years old or something like that, and they found out that he has some inflammation in his heart. | ||
| Nobody knows why any of this is happening. | ||
| Well, I take it back to Brett Weinstein again, because Brett, who's a biologist, was saying that this disease has all the markers of a disease that's been manipulated for research. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Probably. | ||
| That's why it's so infectious. | ||
| Now, manipulated for research, like manipulated so that they can research it or manipulated as like, how can we make something dangerous that might be a weapon? | ||
| No, they manipulate it so that they can do research on it, so they can find out what kind of cures they can create for coronavirus. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| The lab that they did research at was in Wuhan, and it's a level four lab. | ||
| By a research facility. | ||
| And they had been cited in 2018 for safety violations. | ||
| They're getting real sloppy over there, because when you're working under communism, you don't have a lot of incentives. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| You're not making a lot of money. | ||
| So it's very possible that this is a genetically modified virus and maybe that's why it has all of these different effects on people. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| And it's probably morphing. | ||
| Like they say the one in India is so different that if we come up with a vaccine for the American version, it's not going to work on the Indian version. | ||
| Is this just the rest of the history now? | ||
| It's just viruses and pandemics? | ||
| I mean, this seems to be... | ||
| Because all the conditions for this are going to still be there. | ||
| There's still going to be these wet markets. | ||
| There'll still be a lot of unsafe handling of produce. | ||
| And not only produce, but different types of animals. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So this may not be the end of this. | ||
| This may be the beginning of an era of just different types of pandemics and viruses. | ||
| Well, they've been warning us about this for a while. | ||
| For a while, yeah. | ||
| Bill Gates had that TED speech in 2015. Said it's coming. | ||
| Yeah, and now he's the devil. | ||
| Now everybody's like, Bill Gates wants to give you a microchip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I don't think he's the devil. | |
| I just think people get weirdly uncomfortable when it's like billionaires want to do it. | ||
| Like Bill Gates was considering once shooting a missile of dust at the sun to help climate change. | ||
| This is a fact. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So he was considering this, and then... | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bill Gates... | ||
| Where'd you read this? | ||
| What kind of dust? | ||
| Do you know how big the sun is? | ||
| Yeah, but Bill Gates was considering shooting a missile full of dust at the sun. | ||
| So it's like, now obviously people said to him, hey, not a good idea, and he relented, but when you have these Batman... | ||
| Villain billionaires. | ||
| Not that they're evil, but that they have a lot of money. | ||
| They can do whatever they want. | ||
| People get uncomfortable with just one guy saying this is the way it is and this is what you need. | ||
| People just feel uncomfortable with that. | ||
| You find that? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| That's real, Joe! | ||
| Could dimming the sun save the earth? | ||
| Bill Gates wants to spray millions of tons of dust into the stratosphere. | ||
| Okay, that's different. | ||
| To stop global warming. | ||
| But critics fear it could drivel calamity. | ||
| Yeah, that's not at the sun. | ||
| What that is is suspending particles in the atmosphere that are going to act as like clouds. | ||
| Understood, but the reality is people get a They get a little uncomfortable when a billionaire from a lair has decided to start shooting dust into the atmosphere. | ||
| And, you know, is there any democratic... | ||
| Process here where anybody will ever have any say in anything ever again, or are we just going to listen to Bezos and him? | ||
| They can do whatever they want. | ||
| Well, it's hard to say because when you're that rich, we listen anyway because we figure Bezos has got 200 billion dollars or something. | ||
| He must know something that we don't know. | ||
| We assume he's smarter than us. | ||
| Also, they have a lot of money. | ||
| I don't even think they want more money. | ||
| I think a lot of them just have... | ||
| Oh, they want more money. | ||
| Well, some of them do, but they just have designs in the way they want the world to look. | ||
| They have an ideology. | ||
| I trust Bezos more than I trust Bill because Bezos doesn't wear a uniform. | ||
| Bill Gates wears that Mr. Rogers uniform? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't trust it. | ||
| I trust Warren Buffet because I feel like he's in Omaha just eating eggs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He lives in the same fucking house that he bought in like 1980. That's a scam though. | |
| He does that so guys like us will be like, What a down-to-earth guy. | ||
| $80 billion lives in a $400,000 house? | ||
| Something's wrong. | ||
| That makes me more suspicious than I would be if he had a man. | ||
| He should have a big mansion. | ||
| Bill Gates. | ||
| Well, that's not even his regular outfit. | ||
| That's the regular outfit. | ||
| He's a little bit of a creep. | ||
| What do you do when it's 100 degrees, Bill? | ||
| What do you wear then? | ||
| Do you wear the same sweater with the shirt? | ||
| Look, he's got that fucking outfit. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| That's the tech outfit, man. | ||
| That's the Silicon Valley. | ||
| People just get very nervous with Silicon Valley billionaires. | ||
| Well, it's an incredible amount of money and it's an incredible amount of influence. | ||
| People are really worried about Mark Zuckerberg. | ||
| Yeah, these guys are the new Rockefeller, Carnegie. | ||
| And he's fucking really young. | ||
| He's really young. | ||
| By the way, speaks perfect Mandarin. | ||
| Well, he's got a girl who's Chinese, right? | ||
| He's married. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I don't know what he's doing. | ||
| I'm not invited to his home. | ||
| You're not? | ||
| I'll get you in. | ||
| I'd love to go. | ||
| All you have to do is get your Facebook page, over 700,000 followers. | ||
| I'd love to go. | ||
| I'd get banned from Facebook within an hour of being there. | ||
| I'd be taken away. | ||
| I'd just go up to him and go, can you get rid of my Aunt Kathleen, please? | ||
| There's a crazy video of him in China, and he's on a television show, and he starts speaking in Mandarin, and they go crazy. | ||
| They can't believe he can do it, and they're clapping and cheering. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Well, it takes very little to impress them, huh? | ||
| He's just a white guy. | ||
| Here's the guy from Facebook speaking perfect Mandarin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But he's ready. | ||
| That's comforting, by the way. | ||
| He's going to bring them all in. | ||
| The head of Facebook is yucking it up with, you know, maybe our biggest enemy. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| He's going to be super excited about New World Order. | ||
| Give me some volume on this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, what he's saying is we will destroy America. | |
| The translation is America will be a prison. | ||
| We will send your government to rule our land. | ||
| This is what happens when you're like a genius and you don't get laid in college and you just say, you know what? | ||
| I'm just going to take over the war. | ||
| This is like Pinky and the Brain, but the real thing. | ||
| Well, he's also a guy who was friends with the people who put together Facebook. | ||
| Yeah, that's a great movie. | ||
| Social Network. | ||
| I didn't see the movie, but I read an article about the actual real story. | ||
| The actual real story is kind of fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, he kind of... | ||
| Well, there were those Winklevoss twins and they had this Harvard dating app or something and then Zuckerberg came in. | ||
| I think Zuckerberg had more of a vision of what he wanted it to be, but it was certainly sketch. | ||
| It's a little sketchy, the way that happened. | ||
| But the fact that they're trying to do money now, they're trying to do Facebook Bitcoin, like a cryptocurrency. | ||
| Oh yeah, it'll never end. | ||
| It'll never end. | ||
| It'll be Facebook vaccine. | ||
| It'll be Facebook. | ||
| I mean, it just won't end. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how it's still relevant. | ||
| When you go on Facebook now, it's just still crazy people screaming. | ||
| And they've still kept them all on there. | ||
| They've kept them on there. | ||
| Zuckerberg's figured out a way to keep the boomers on Facebook. | ||
| Just sharing recipes and complaining about... | ||
| QAnon? | ||
| Yeah, they're just talking about QAnon. | ||
| My aunt's like, save the children and here's a recipe for banana bread. | ||
| My aunt's like, there's tunnel under Central Park, and I'm making a banana cream pie later. | ||
| So if you want the recipe, I mean, literally, it's recipes and Q drops. | ||
| That's my aunt's face. | ||
| Q drops? | ||
| I mean, her head is melted. | ||
| I've talked to multiple people that really, truly believe in the QAnon stuff. | ||
| Well, some of it, listen, some of it, you've got to give them the benefit of the doubt. | ||
| It's like, I don't even blame the QAnon people as much because, like... | ||
| If you were ignorant of everything and you never thought anything was conspiratorial and then Epstein and all this stuff happened, your mind would melt. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And that's what happened. | ||
| They just... | ||
| I've been listening and following weird shit. | ||
| I mean, I remember when 9-11 was a big thing. | ||
| Now nobody even cared. | ||
| Like, you bring that up, people roll their eyes. | ||
| I remember, like, news change and all those stuff. | ||
| That was a huge thing. | ||
| And everyone was like, we're going to get the answers. | ||
| And then people just stop caring. | ||
| And then you move on to this. | ||
| And then in five years, QAnon, people will be like, they'll stop caring. | ||
| And then it'll be another thing. | ||
| And eventually, you just have to kind of check out because it gets boring. | ||
| Well, you've got to wonder. | ||
| Disinformation campaigns have existed forever where they take legitimate information and then they lump it in with nuts. | ||
| Crazy shit. | ||
| Crazy people and crazy shit. | ||
| And then they put it out there because it taints all the legitimate information as well. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You know, there's a great book, Behold the Pale Horse. | ||
| You ever read that book? | ||
| Yeah, William Cooper or something? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You read some of it and you go, oh, this makes sense. | ||
| And then you go, what? | ||
| A fucking alien base on the moon? | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then some of it just goes left. | ||
| Gets really crazy. | ||
| Yes, Patrice O'Neill had a great point where he's like, people will be, they'll say two things that make a lot of sense and then they'll put marbles up their ass. | ||
| That's the way he said it. | ||
| But it was true, and he said it on O&A. But eventually, just for your own mental health, you got to check out. | ||
| You got to just go, you know what? | ||
| There's more to life than politics, and there's just more to life than hunting this conspiracy forever, because none of what you think is going to happen is going to happen. | ||
| I think that's part of what you just nailed it, though. | ||
| There's more to life, but there's not for some people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people, if they put on a fucking MAGA hat, and they have the fucking liberals with a line through it, and they go out there, and they fucking, yeah! | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And they get to the rally, yeah! | ||
| I was out there in the desert. | ||
| They had all these women, and they're in, you know, Mercedes, like, beautiful day, not as hot as it usually is. | ||
| Women in, like, top-down Mercedes. | ||
| You'd think, like, on a day like that, you'd just go out and take a drive, put an album on, go take a drive up the mountains. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Instead, they had these pink Women for Trump flags, and they all met on a corner, and they're all waving their flags, and it's like golf people. | ||
| It's like upper middle class golf people, and this is their sports. | ||
| It was like high school spirit night. | ||
| I wish her well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| And it's just like, again, thank God I found comedy. | ||
| Thank God I have something I like to do. | ||
| Because maybe I'd be somewhere with a flag, waving a flag, running around. | ||
| That's what it is, right? | ||
| People need things to do. | ||
| Nobody has hobbies. | ||
| Not only does nobody have hobbies, but right now no one has a job. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| So there's like no money coming in, you're desperate, you're scared, you're blaming other people, everybody else, you don't know who the fuck is to blame. | ||
| You have no idea what's going on. | ||
| And then there's a disease that might kill you. | ||
| Yeah, so that you're anxious, you're depressed, your social circle's been cut dramatically. | ||
| Dramatically. | ||
| And now the only thing you could do is kind of go online for 19 hours a day and get radicalized in whatever direction. | ||
| That's the thing that bothers me too, about like whenever people talk about whether it's conspiracy theorists or whatever, the one thing that drives me nuts is that people say we have to stop these conspir- like when all these COVID conspiracies were going around, Well, that's a different one, right? | ||
| Because I guess some of them could be actually responsible for people making poor choices. | ||
| None of those people were going to make good choices before that thing. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| It's like if there's people out there that are pushing ridiculous conspiracy theories, who are you worried about? | ||
| Are you worried about it getting to you? | ||
| No, you're not, right? | ||
| You're not worried about you believing it. | ||
| So you think you're smarter than everybody else? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think it's just people get deeply uncomfortable with the idea that they're losing control of the public sphere, the public space, right? | ||
| For so long, you had these mainstream media outlets. | ||
| They had real direct control. | ||
| I mean, everything you saw, everything you watched, everything you read, it was under the control of a relatively small amount of people. | ||
| And this was how it was forever. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, this was not like an aberration. | ||
| This was literally how it was forever. | ||
| Every single thing you read or saw was curated by a small group of people. | ||
| And now it's the Wild West. | ||
| And a lot of people don't. | ||
| And you're going to get bad information. | ||
| You're going to get good information. | ||
| You're going to have to figure out which is which. | ||
| And the country is not good at doing that. | ||
| People are not good at doing that. | ||
| And so people get worried and they're like, wait a minute, but you can't put the genie back in the bottle. | ||
| Well, the problem is they can. | ||
| Right, and they will. | ||
| With, like, Plandemic and all these different videos. | ||
| Right, they ban them. | ||
| Yeah, and the video of the bunch of doctors talking about hydroxychloroquine and Z-Pax. | ||
| And that woman who's a witch doctor, I liked her. | ||
| I like that witch doctor, and I want to hear more about it. | ||
| I find her opinions on demons fucking you more interesting than COVID. She needs a podcast. | ||
| She needs a podcast. | ||
| I don't care about hydroxychloroquine. | ||
| I want to know, who are these demons who fuck you in your sleep? | ||
| We should have her on, you and me with her. | ||
| Please, if you get her... | ||
| Me, you, and her would be phenomenal. | ||
| We could fly her and she wouldn't even wear a mask. | ||
| She would not wear a mask. | ||
| She'd fight a cop at LAX. Where does she live? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Where does that lady- Where does that woman live? | ||
| She practices medicine at a strip mall. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's literally like right next to a Zales. | ||
| But you know, a lot of doctors are bullshit. | ||
| A lot of doctors, dude. | ||
| A large percentage, especially in LA. Well, doctors are humans. | ||
| Humans go to school. | ||
| They learn to be a doctor. | ||
| There's a lot of crazy humans. | ||
| You know, Whitney Cummings said to me when she goes, my doctor friend said, it's a practice, which means we're still practicing. | ||
| It's like, well, that's not comforting. | ||
| That's not what practice means. | ||
| That's not at all what practice means, you freak. | ||
| But... | ||
| Dude, LA, there's so many doctors, and I'm like, do you even have a degree? | ||
| Did you go to medical school? | ||
| That kind of logic is like when people say program. | ||
| When you talk about TV programs, they're programming you, bro. | ||
| They're letting you know. | ||
| Yeah, it's that stupid, like, linguistic garbage. | ||
| What a nightmare. | ||
| Yeah, it's such a stupid thing. | ||
| Is there any part of you that's going to miss Los Angeles? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm gonna miss it. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I'm definitely gonna miss the store. | ||
| But I'm missing the Los Angeles that I don't think exists right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| When you go down Melrose and you see everything boarded up and you see fucking homeless encampments everywhere. | ||
| Like, I took the wife to Venice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I've talked about this before, unfortunately. | ||
| Sorry if you heard it before. | ||
| But driving by, I parked at a red light, you know, stopped at a red light, rather. | ||
| And there's this fucking house to my left. | ||
| It's probably worth $5 million. | ||
| And right across the street, there's 10 tents. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So imagine your fucking kid is in your front lawn. | ||
| You made it. | ||
| You got a beautiful house in Venice. | ||
| We're five minutes from the beach. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| You've got ten junkies camped out in front of your fucking house and needles in the street. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| And there's fucking tents everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was in Brentwood this morning. | ||
| It's chaos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, you get off the 405, it's just garbage stacked up, seven feet high in tents. | ||
| Fucking hibachi grills out there. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I got this house in the desert, because I'm like, I just want to get out. | ||
| And you know, as soon as you get out there, something happens where it gets really calm, really hot, and there's none of that. | ||
| That's why I'm moving to Texas. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Texas is like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Texas is like the regular world, but you wear a mask. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a lot of people from Texas, they're all upset that I'm talking about it so much and people are moving out there, but I'm sorry. | ||
| Sorry you're awesome. | ||
| Sorry you got an awesome spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just seems like... | ||
| First of all, high population centers. | ||
| This is not a time for high population centers. | ||
| This is letting everybody know that the whole idea of living in Manhattan, this is going to be great. | ||
| Everything's there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Here she is. | ||
| Houston, Texas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Firepowerministries.org. | ||
| I love that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Weapon of war. | ||
| What? | ||
| Firepower. | ||
| What is that weapon of war? | ||
| Give me the full image. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| You've got... | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Back, back, back, back. | ||
| I can't... | ||
| Yeah, make it there. | ||
| Firepower Ministries. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| God's Battle Axe and Weapon of War. | ||
| See that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would have went right to the website, but it was not working. | |
| Firepower Ministries. | ||
| But forget about that. | ||
| Look at what it says there. | ||
| God's battle axe and weapon of war. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I think I need that tattooed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think I'm going to get that on my right leg. | ||
| Firepower Ministries. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Ammunition Ministries. | ||
| And weapon of war. | ||
| AK-47 Ministries. | ||
| I'm going to put that on my heel. | ||
| Where is she? | ||
| The Christian Resource Center. | ||
| She's right there. | ||
| That sounds good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Firepower Ministries. | |
| Fire Power Ministries. | ||
| Prayer, deliverance, counseling, bookstore, print shop, gifts. | ||
| I will send a limo to get you. | ||
| Gifts and more. | ||
| Bring you to Austin. | ||
| We do a podcast. | ||
| We're going to have a good time. | ||
| It sounds fun. | ||
| It looks legit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a whole witchcraft section. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Well, if you don't get a book on witchcraft, how are you going to learn? | ||
| You've got to go to a witch and they might lie to you. | ||
| I'm all for her protecting us from witches. | ||
| Well, God's Battle Axe and Weapon of War? | ||
| Imagine writing that on your Twitter. | ||
| Man, this is her time, huh? | ||
| Everybody out there, please, listen to me. | ||
| I've never asked for anything to you people. | ||
| I want everybody to update your Twitter bio to God's Battle Axe and Weapon of War. | ||
| I want everyone to do it. | ||
| I may do that, too. | ||
| I may do that. | ||
| God's Battle Axe and Weapon of War. | ||
| I'm going to do that right now. | ||
| I'll do it too. | ||
| Let's do that right now. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| While we're on the... | ||
| It's important to show solidarity with that woman and her... | ||
| God's battle axe and weapon of war. | ||
| Firepower ministries. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| God's battle axe and weapon of war. | ||
| Edit profile. | ||
| Edit profile. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Everybody's coming out of the woodwork now. | ||
| Like you have a lot of different... | ||
| If you had anything to do with medicine at all, you could come out now and just... | ||
| You could build a brand. | ||
| She's building a brand. | ||
| It's a Bible verse, apparently. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| You are my war club. | ||
| Maybe I should leave it alone, then. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm already moving to a red state. | ||
| She's building a brand. | ||
| I understand what they're doing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| You gotta build a brand. | ||
| It's just what it is. | ||
| Not everybody can be Alyssa Milana. | ||
| Some people have to be God's weapon of war. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Battle axe. | ||
| Battle axe and weapon of war. | ||
| What a crazy Bible quote. | ||
| There's some Bible quotes that make you go. | ||
| Well, people like her, they don't want the light touch Bible quote. | ||
| No. | ||
| They don't want the like, give the old man soup or whatever, you know, some version of that. | ||
| They want like, the fires will rain through your eye, like that type of intense. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the apocalypse. | ||
| They're into that. | ||
| So many people just really love that vivid imagery from like Book of Revelation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| They want that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's the only part of the Bible a lot of them care about. | ||
| They just want the end. | ||
| They think it's coming. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Give me some. | ||
| Give me some of this. | ||
| What is she saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There are a lot of us that, yes, we gave our life to Christ, but we've been living in sin. | |
| Right. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There are some of us that we did. | |
| You know, we believe that God exists, but we've never surrendered our all to him. | ||
| That's not reasonable. | ||
| That's not reasonable. | ||
| Don't be afraid to give your all to Christ. | ||
| I'd feel comfortable if she walked into a hospital waiting room and started treating me. | ||
| I'd feel very comfortable. | ||
| And then she brought that guy out. | ||
| And she goes, now meet my nurse. | ||
| This is my head nurse. | ||
| You know, what is interesting, though, is the politicalization. | ||
| Is that a word? | ||
| Oh, she's rocking out right now. | ||
| That's exactly like de Blasio's wife. | ||
| That's de Blasio's wife trying to get a response from people in Central Park. | ||
| Power to the people! | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta wonder. | ||
| It's a real nightmare out there. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's really weird. | ||
| If we can stay alive, it's awesome, though. | ||
| As long as nobody you love dies in this, it's a good time. | ||
| Yeah, I think if we come out on the other end, which I think will be next spring, I think we could go through the fall and the winter. | ||
| It's going to be weird. | ||
| The election's weird. | ||
| Like, have you ever looked forward to three months less than these three months of just intense... | ||
| I have intense anxiety about the election. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I'm where I'm like, oof. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This could be bad. | ||
| Could go interestingly. | ||
| It could be a real mess in this country. | ||
| I think it'll be a mess no matter who gets in. | ||
| It'll be less of a mess if Biden wins, I think. | ||
| I think if Biden wins, it'll be less of a mess. | ||
| And I think people will shut. | ||
| I'm hoping people will shut up. | ||
| Like, can people just shut up? | ||
| They're not going to shut up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're not going to shut up. | ||
| Because first of all, the Trump people, if Biden wins, they're going to be furious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And Trump has said that this mail-in vote thing is going to be ripe for fraud. | ||
| Maybe he's not wrong about that either. | ||
| I don't know enough about it, but I don't know why we can't have a regular election with masks. | ||
| Well, I don't know why we can't entertain this, seeing as how you and I don't know what the fuck we're talking about. | ||
| Let's just go all in and say, I believe it could be a fraud. | ||
| The mail-in? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think it could be too. | ||
| I think they should vote online. | ||
| How come you can do banking online? | ||
| That could be fraud too. | ||
| Because then Russian trolls and Chinese trolls and all the trolls and bots. | ||
| Meanwhile, you bank online. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| What's more important to you than your money? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| It's a good point. | ||
| Meanwhile, they figured out how to do that. | ||
| Let's just have a regular election. | ||
| Six feet distancing, mask, spray everything down in between. | ||
| I mean, what are we doing? | ||
| Your phone opens up with your face, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mine does, at least. | ||
| Or your fingerprint. | ||
| Why can't you use that? | ||
| Well, I agree with you, but I don't know why we can't have a traditional regular election with masks and distancing. | ||
| We certainly can. | ||
| I think we can. | ||
| I think it's stupid not to, especially in an election that's going to be this contentious anyway. | ||
| We should probably just have a regular election with masks and distancing. | ||
| I wonder what it's going to be like at the polls. | ||
| And then like if really elderly people, yes, you should go to nursing homes that are really elderly people and let them touch a computer screen. | ||
| Like, let my mother go in there and let my mother touch it, because she loves Trump. | ||
| She asked me the other day, she goes, can you get me a MAGA hat? | ||
| She said that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's schizophrenic, but she loves him. | ||
| She's kind of his base. | ||
| She goes, I love Trump. | ||
| She goes, he's just trying to do the right thing for the country, you know? | ||
| I'm going to take a picture of you in full stride. | ||
| She goes, your Aunt Donna doesn't understand that Donald Trump's trying to save us from the people that want to hurt us. | ||
| I was like, yeah. | ||
| I was like, that's Aunt Donna. | ||
| Always trying to let the people in to hurt us. | ||
| Fucking Aunt Donna. | ||
| Everybody has one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I mean, that's my... | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's going to name the kid Karen after all this? | ||
| Oh God, that name's out. | ||
| It's a rough year. | ||
| But you know, Timmy, my name, that happened to too. | ||
| Every pussy that was being described in the 80s was like, little Timmy! | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| Everyone, dude. | ||
| And that name has decreased in popularity, which is fine. | ||
| I don't want a name that everyone has. | ||
| But everybody, that was the pussy name forever. | ||
| It was like Timmy. | ||
| What about Adolph? | ||
| By the way, not a good guy, great name. | ||
| It's not a bad name. | ||
| It's a great name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a strong name. | ||
| Wilhelm. | ||
| Clip this and send this around. | ||
| It's a strong name. | ||
| Wilhelm. | ||
| You can't use it anymore. | ||
| You can't use Adolph anymore. | ||
| Yeah, but I... How many kids a year... | ||
| Let's do a poll. | ||
| How many kids a year are named Adolph? | ||
| Probably nobody. | ||
| Nobody, right? | ||
| I want to know. | ||
| I want to know how many children... | ||
| I mean, you want to talk about a social justice warrior? | ||
| The guy who's named Adolf's got to go hard left. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, actually, hold on. | |
| What does it say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought this was like a U.S. article. | |
| What does it say? | ||
| Well, why? | ||
| Europe's all in. | ||
| There's official records on it, apparently. | ||
| Official records show that only 13 children were named Adolf between 2006 and 2013. Follow them, Netflix Doc. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's made a small comeback since then. | |
| 46 children have been named Adolf since then. | ||
| Oh yeah, the way Germany's going, there's going to be a lot of Adolfs being born. | ||
| Yeah, because they've got some issues. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| How low that number is. | ||
| Follow those 13 kids. | ||
| That's a great Netflix documentary. | ||
| You just call it 13 Adolfs. | ||
| And you follow them and see how they deal with having the name of a genocidal monster. | ||
| Maybe! | ||
| You could be Genghis. | ||
| You could name your kid Genghis. | ||
| Is it Genghis or Genghis? | ||
| Genghis. | ||
| Genghis Khan. | ||
| I like Genghis. | ||
| Genghis is fine, too. | ||
| I've said Genghis. | ||
| But I think you're really supposed to say Genghis. | ||
| Oh, Katrina. | ||
| Caitlin? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| No more Catelyns. | ||
| Monica? | ||
| Monicas are out? | ||
| Isis. | ||
| There's a few Isis. | ||
| Dude, have you ever gone somewhere and you see someone of Middle Eastern descent and their name is Isis? | ||
| It's like a beautiful name, Isis. | ||
| Ellen's rough. | ||
| Ellen is like an old... | ||
| But it's a rough one now. | ||
| It's a rough one now because she was running Abu Ghraib in the back of her show. | ||
| That's a rough one. | ||
| She's out there dancing with Kristen Bell and in the back there's people that are getting up on the rack like this. | ||
| It's so weird when you see a lot of people saying that someone who seems so nice is not nice at all. | ||
| She doesn't seem nice. | ||
| People have a very poor judge of character. | ||
| She doesn't seem nice. | ||
| It seems forced. | ||
| People that are like that all the time, it doesn't seem nice. | ||
| It's very forced. | ||
| And whatever. | ||
| You're allowed to be a bitch, right? | ||
| You're allowed to be a bitch. | ||
| You're allowed to be nasty to people. | ||
| You're accomplished. | ||
| You're a comedian. | ||
| You did the whole thing. | ||
| What you're not allowed to do is have a Guantanamo Bay situation in the backstage. | ||
| Of your show where everybody's walking around afraid for their life and it's like Abu Ghraib where they're hooked up to wires and they have like... | ||
| Dogs around them. | ||
| Yeah, she's got dogs and hoods. | ||
| If an intern's late, they have a hood on. | ||
| I don't support that. | ||
| That's just me. | ||
| Yeah, I'm with you. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you know, I wish she's done. | ||
| She's around for too long. | ||
| James Corden. | ||
| All these people. | ||
| Walk away. | ||
| You've been famous forever. | ||
| Walk away. | ||
| Eventually, everybody, they're just going to figure it out. | ||
| Now Fallon's on an apology tour because of the blackface. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Well, he was. | ||
| He had to go around and apologize a million times. | ||
| They're going to find the thing if you don't go away. | ||
| You gotta have a good run. | ||
| And when you have a good run, you step back and you go, okay, I'm still gonna do my thing, but I'm not... | ||
| I mean, there's only a few jobs in entertainment, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So I think a lot of the cancel culture shit is probably these motherfuckers want those jobs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| They're like, how long is this bitch gonna be dancing? | ||
| I can dance with Hillary Clinton. | ||
| I could do the Charleston with Henry Kissinger or whatever the fuck she does out there. | ||
| The Charleston? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what it is? | |
| She goes out there to do the Charleston. | ||
| She's got war criminals. | ||
| Her and Bush are jumping around. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| She was buddies with Bush. | ||
| She's a CIA agent. | ||
| Stephen Paddock. | ||
| Do not ask me for sources. | ||
| But Stephen Paddock. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| He was the guy that shot up the Vegas concert. | ||
| That was a very tragic thing. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| The only guy that saw Steven Paddock alive, his name is Jesus Campos. | ||
| He was a guard at Mandalay Bay. | ||
| He got interviewed nowhere else. | ||
| You know where he got interviewed in the beginning? | ||
| Ellen. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Weird. | ||
| And then they went on, if you could find that clip, they went on with a weird, like, diagram of how it happened, and Ellen's, like, showing the people how it happened. | ||
| Not like an emotional, like, how are you feeling? | ||
| How are you holding up? | ||
| It was a weird diagram of, like, and then he went to the left and to the right. | ||
| It was very strange to me. | ||
| What the hell's going on? | ||
| This is a daytime show. | ||
| Which is the paddock guy? | ||
| There's two guys there? | ||
| The chubbier guy is the Jesus guy. | ||
| And now Ellen is doing a thing of how this shooting happened. | ||
| Look at how she's got an antenna from someone's Buick that she's popped off and she's using it as a pointer. | ||
| But why the hell is this happening on a daytime show? | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| Where'd she get that pointer? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She stole it off an intern's car. | ||
| Why wouldn't you just use your finger? | ||
| If that was you, if it was your show, the Jim Dillon show, wouldn't you just point? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is also a giant screen behind her, so they could have just put it on that screen. | ||
| But she's using this thing. | ||
| I find it very strange. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Those aren't real palm trees? | ||
| No. | ||
| I know that street, though. | ||
| I know that block in Beverly Hills that she used. | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
| I don't know why they're doing this on a daytime talk show. | ||
| Let's keep it running. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| She's dressed like Colonel Sanders. | ||
| Not Colonel Sanders. | ||
| She's dressed like Sgt. Pepper. | ||
| This guy looks like a member of her staff. | ||
| What kind of outfit is she wearing? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She wears those weird militant lesbian uniforms. | ||
| Yeah, that should tell you something. | ||
| It does an odd look with all those buttons. | ||
| Why do you have so many wrist buttons? | ||
| It was given to her in Langley. | ||
| The only reason why you have that many wrist buttons is if you're looking to clothes on somebody. | ||
| Yeah, look at her. | ||
| Everyone says she looks so friendly. | ||
| Yeah, she looks friendly. | ||
| She does look very military. | ||
| Yeah, she's a militant woman. | ||
| With a very expensive watch, too. | ||
| She dealt with a lot of discrimination when she came out. | ||
| It was very sad, but then she joined the CIA. Her house got broken into while she was at home. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, she's got a dope place in Montecito. | ||
| And they broke in while she was there. | ||
| And those people are still being tortured to this day. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| They're still in an underground jail. | ||
| Yeah, she's feeding them to her staff. | ||
| She's like, it's okay. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| She goes, you did good. | ||
| Is that the guy, the survivor? | ||
| He's the guy who met Paddock. | ||
| She's holding on to him. | ||
| It's odd. | ||
| She's allowed to do that because she's a woman, but if that was a man holding on to a woman's arm that long, it'd be rape. | ||
| It'd be a real problem. | ||
| Yeah, that's for sure. | ||
| So weird, man. | ||
| What a strange interview, man. | ||
| I mean, the whole situation was strange. | ||
| What a strange thing. | ||
| They never really figured out why that guy did that. | ||
| There was no motive. | ||
| He has a very little footprint online. | ||
| He was a professional gambler, right? | ||
| Yeah, he was. | ||
| He made a lot of money doing that. | ||
| Jamie's just... | ||
| What did you do? | ||
| Jamie knows. | ||
| You don't know? | ||
| That's what they said. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what they said. | |
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| You tell me what's going on. | ||
| That's the story. | ||
| Okay, but you just made a noise. | ||
| Like, this is bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Professional gamblers? | |
| Not... | ||
| That's a lot of professional gamblers, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not about playing video poker. | |
| Is that what he does? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's all he did? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was an arms dealer. | ||
| No, I don't know that. | ||
| But I just see the way I said it very definitively. | ||
| He was an arms dealer. | ||
| He did have a lot of fucking guns. | ||
| It's just very strange, and a lot of times what happens is, you know... | ||
| Oh, she gave him a check for $25,000. | ||
| Oh, well, good for her. | ||
| A big-ass check, too. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah, imagine if you won a lotto and they gave you a check that big and it's $25,000. | ||
| By the way, after taxes, that's not even any money. | ||
| How about put a zero on that, bitch? | ||
| It's like, bitch, how about you give me some real money and not $8,000? | ||
| When we would give people $50,000 to win Fear Factor, the government, I think, takes $16,000. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, you get 34. Dude, when you do your first job in comedy, you have to join SAG, which is $3,000, so a lot of times you're like negative. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to pay three grand to join the Screen Actors Guild, and then you're fine. | ||
| I mean, it's wild. | ||
| Well, what they're doing right now in California tax is they're trying to retroactively tax everybody. | ||
| Up to 16.8%. | ||
| Which is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| You're going back to January. | ||
| You're like, you know, I know you were living here over the last seven months, assuming that your tax rate was what it is, and you budgeted for that, but no, we're going to steal your money. | ||
| Are they going to be able to do that? | ||
| I don't know, they're proposing. | ||
| They're saying 16.8% for top earners, and then... | ||
| It's going to be high no matter what, because it was $13, and a lot of people will be paying $14. | ||
| It's a lot of money to go to a state that doesn't manage money well and doesn't seem to fix any of the problems. | ||
| Especially if you're that guy that's got that multi-million dollar house in front of fucking tents. | ||
| And you're like, what am I doing? | ||
| Yeah, what am I doing? | ||
| I work my fucking ass off 10 hours a day. | ||
| I come home exhausted, try to spend some quality time with my family. | ||
| I'm dodging needles in my fucking front yard, and I'm paying 16%? | ||
| I don't know if he's spending quality time with the kids, but he's still like, he's like, I got some hookers and coke, and this is still a problem. | ||
| He's like, they don't want to come over here and walk through tents. | ||
| These women are professionals. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know that that guy's coming home to his kids. | ||
| They get into Uber. | ||
| No, he pays someone to watch the kids. | ||
| Yeah, but no, it's falling apart here very quickly. | ||
| I wonder what's going to happen. | ||
| How far can it fall apart? | ||
| Not that far. | ||
| It can fall further. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't get crazy. | |
| It will fall further. | ||
| Go to Machu Picchu. | ||
| There's no one there. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| All these places. | ||
| It's going to be taken over by the TikTok kids. | ||
| You already see it happening. | ||
| That's why Trump's trying to ban TikTok. | ||
| They're 16 years old. | ||
| They literally run LA, these 16-year-old kids. | ||
| They go to that steakhouse boa, and they all walk around in bedazzled jackets, and there's paparazzi outside. | ||
| And these paparazzi, their job, yeah, they go like, as the world's burning, these kids are doing this. | ||
| The paparazzi's job is to ask these kids, like, what's going on? | ||
| And they're kids, and they literally have responses like a regular child would. | ||
| They'll be like, what's going on, Madison? | ||
| And she's like, I'm trying to get a car. | ||
| And he's like, all right, right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's so sick. | ||
| Like, this is that guy's life. | ||
| He's got to follow around these children. | ||
| At least used to follow around Sandra Bullock. | ||
| Now you're following around a kid who, like, does this. | ||
| There's one dude that was a comic. | ||
| Oh, he's still a comic. | ||
| But he was a TMZ guy for a while. | ||
| Yes, I know that guy. | ||
| I've met that guy. | ||
| Good dude. | ||
| Good looking guy. | ||
| He was like one of those TMZ guys. | ||
| Yeah, very nice guy. | ||
| I meet him at the airport all the time. | ||
| Sometimes that answers questions and sometimes like, bro. | ||
| How embarrassing is that, though? | ||
| I get that's his job. | ||
| It's tough for a fellow comic. | ||
| And we're talking. | ||
| I'm like, come on. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But he was cool. | ||
| If I told him, dude, I'm so fucking tired and I'm not going to comment on my friend's death. | ||
| One of them was Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| Right after Anthony Bourdain died, I'm like, I can't, man. | ||
| What a way to make a list. | ||
| I feel bad for those guys who have to camp out outside of a Starbucks and interview 16-year-olds. | ||
| You're like, what's the drama this week? | ||
| They also know where you are somehow. | ||
| Oh, they're stalking these kids. | ||
| How do they get the flight information? | ||
| That's what I want to know. | ||
| No one's done that to me, Joe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I always want to know how they get the flight information. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They know what airline you're on. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They must have someone inside the airline. | ||
| They send them money or something like that. | ||
| They must have some sort of a- That's interesting. | ||
| So then they show up at LAX at the right time. | ||
| Yeah, not just LAX. They show up when you're getting off the escalator at fucking the fourth terminal. | ||
| When you're in Terminal 4 and you're coming down- They know. | ||
| They're there for you. | ||
| They're ready. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| See, they're outside of the restaurants in Beverly Hills a lot of times. | ||
| But those fucking people that go to those restaurants, they know what restaurants they're going to get. | ||
| Like if you go to Craig's or any of those. | ||
| And the food at a lot, I like Craig's, but a lot of those Beverly Hills restaurants, it's not good. | ||
| Well, it's a scene. | ||
| It's a scene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's exactly what it is. | ||
| But the food is like, you go, this is horrific. | ||
| Like if you go to Nobu in Malibu, they don't let them on the property. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So they're on the street yelling at you. | ||
| They yell at you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| So there's like the parking lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's the restaurant. | ||
| Are you going to miss that stuff? | ||
| Are you going to miss like the Nobu in Malibu, like the food, like the sushi? | ||
| No! | ||
| No? | ||
| I eat meat. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I eat meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't like fish. | |
| You don't like fish. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I eat it when there's no meat around. | ||
| Yeah, my dad's friend owned a steakhouse. | ||
| He said that. | ||
| He goes, fish is perfectly good if there's no meat. | ||
| Yeah, I like meat. | ||
| Well, the good thing about fish is you can eat it all day long and no one gets mad at you. | ||
| If you eat meat, people think you're a terrible person. | ||
| Meanwhile, there's plenty of cows and we're sucking fish out of the ocean in record numbers. | ||
| The ocean's going to be drained of sashimi. | ||
| Yeah, but you know what? | ||
| No generation before us ever worried about us. | ||
| So it's like, I'm going to eat the sashimi and the kids can figure it out. | ||
| Let the TikTok fucks figure out how to get more salmon. | ||
| But there's no shortage of cattle. | ||
| Like, you can grow cattle like crazy. | ||
| Isn't the problem that they fart and then it causes methane? | ||
| I mean, I know, but that's what they say. | ||
| But then they did an actual survey. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| They did some sort of a satellite image of the United States and they found out that the large majority of methane release is coming from dumps and coming from landfills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Which makes sense. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Of course it does. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| All that food and everything's rotting and it's just going straight up in the air. | ||
| Well, all of those, you know, people criticize me because it's political, but what's very interesting is like sugar gets away with everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sugar is like a... | ||
| There was a comedian who did a great joke. | ||
| I think it was Baron Vaughn. | ||
| And it was like, he goes, cocaine and heroin look at sugar and go, fuck, that's the fucking dude. | ||
| That's the real drug. | ||
| He's everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's the real... | ||
| He's in all the supermarkets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, I mean, sugar is just so endemic in our culture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's not that political. | ||
| And it is very addictive. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Really addictive. | ||
| Me and Ari Shafir did this and Big Jay Oakerson, a few people. | ||
| We did this SlimFast challenge for like two weeks. | ||
| And you read the SlimFast ingredients, all sugar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're just drinking a chocolate milkshake. | ||
| Yeah, it just doesn't have much calories other than the sugar. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it fills you up in some weird way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It does. | |
| What do you got there, Jamie? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Research shows removing all livestock and poultry from the U.S. alone would only reduce global greenhouse gas emissions by 0.36%. | ||
| You fucks. | ||
| Just relax. | ||
| If you don't eat those cows, they die on their own and no one gets to eat them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you've got to eat the cows. | ||
| Yeah, this idea that you're going to save the world, that was something that was promoted by a lot of these bullshit propaganda vegan movies. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That if you, like, greenhouse gases are all coming from that. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, look, a lot of greenhouse gases are coming from shipping produce, folks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's unfortunate. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Agreed. | ||
| There's a lot of problems with growing things, like almonds, that you're using so much fucking water to grow these things. | ||
| You're drinking almond milk. | ||
| I drink almond milk. | ||
| What's your feeling on whole milk? | ||
| I think raw milk is probably good for you. | ||
| What's raw milk? | ||
| It doesn't bother me. | ||
| Raw milk, non-homogenized, non-pasteurized. | ||
| Where do you find that? | ||
| You can only get it in some stores. | ||
| It's kind of illegal. | ||
| It's like finding DMT. That's what I was about to say. | ||
| Sometimes you'll bring up a product. | ||
| I'm like, how do you even get that? | ||
| I was drinking raw milk for a while because you could get it at the supermarket. | ||
| I think you could get it at Whole Foods, but it was good for literally like two days. | ||
| Does it taste good? | ||
| It tastes great. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It's really thick. | ||
| And you drink it and it doesn't make you feel like shit. | ||
| There's something about regular milk, which I love. | ||
| Like milk and cookies. | ||
| Give me a fucking chocolate chip cookie and a cold glass of milk. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| You dunk it in. | ||
| Are you a dunker? | ||
| Do you dunk? | ||
| I have dunked. | ||
| Boa has a dessert where it's those warm cookies and they're just a little scoop of ice cream. | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| It's a very good thing. | ||
| Real good. | ||
| It's a very good thing. | ||
| But when you drink regular milk, your stomach's like, alright, we can deal with it. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But whole milk It just kind of goes in there because it has all the enzymes. | ||
| It's not boiled down. | ||
| When your body is drinking pasteurized homogenized milk, the idea is it can stay on the shelf longer, it could feed more people, it also lasts longer, keeps people from getting sick. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| All that stuff's good. | ||
| But the problem is... | ||
| Your body doesn't know what that is. | ||
| That's boiled and dead. | ||
| There's no enzymes in it. | ||
| When you drink regular milk, your body's like, oh, we know what to do with this. | ||
| Raw milk. | ||
| This is milk. | ||
| It's not this pasteurization. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, that's all. | ||
| And you don't fuck with almond milk. | ||
| Well, I've had it. | ||
| It's a little lighter than home milk. | ||
| It's not milk. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| It's a chalkiness. | ||
| Well, it's some fucking shit where you take almonds and then you soak them. | ||
| And then you get this murky water, and then you drink that and lie to yourself. | ||
| And by the way, most almond milk has sugar in it. | ||
| Like Dunkin', I love Dunkin' and Dad. | ||
| He's like, dude, almond milk is so healthy! | ||
| I go, why don't you read how much sugar it is per serving? | ||
| He's like, 19 grams! | ||
| I go, yeah, 19 grams. | ||
| That's why it tastes so good. | ||
| Everybody lies to themselves. | ||
| You drink it with an almond milkshake. | ||
| Well, you go over to Whitney's house, Whitney has all these weird plant-based things, but they're all kind of like weird plant-based chocolate pops and chocolate almond milk and... | ||
| But she's very thin because she doesn't eat a lot of them. | ||
| She throws up a lot. | ||
| Well, that's what she does, too. | ||
| And she's on speed. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good point. | ||
| She does all of those things. | ||
| All of those things help. | ||
| You know, the needles. | ||
| Every now and then I'll call her. | ||
| She's got like nine needles coming in. | ||
| I'm like, is this a COVID vaccination? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| She does the NAD. We both do NAD injections. | ||
| But yeah, I mean, but the plant-based stuff never feels that healthy. | ||
| Is she on plant-based diets? | ||
| Is that what she's doing? | ||
| No, she'll have meat every now and then. | ||
| Like, I'll bring her food that has meat in it. | ||
| And she probably eats it like a wolf. | ||
| Yeah, she'll eat it. | ||
| I mean, a lot of times I try to bring her like an eggplant parmesan or something that's like in her wheelhouse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's a person- She's dyed her hair pink now like Billie Eilish. | ||
| When did she do this? | ||
| She's recently. | ||
| I mean, she's like gone off the... | ||
| She's probably losing her marbles. | ||
| We need a vaccine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's time. | |
| Nikki Glaser was talking about shaving her head on Twitter. | ||
| I had to reach out to her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| Are you like, bitch, you're stealing my thing? | ||
| She was saying, I'm doing it in solidarity for my friend who has cancer. | ||
| By the way, there is no friend. | ||
| People are having issues. | ||
| She's coming on next week. | ||
| I texted her and I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| She's like, I'm going crazy. | ||
| She's in Missouri with her family. | ||
| She's living with her family. | ||
| Nikki's great, man. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| She's a fucking great comic. | ||
| Look at Whitney's hair. | ||
| She's so crazy. | ||
| Whitney keeps getting younger. | ||
| She looks like she's 17 years old. | ||
| It's because of the adrenochrome. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good- What's happening there? | ||
| Where'd that blue shit come from? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| This is her assistant, and he shoots things at her. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| She knows how to stay relevant. | ||
| Her assistant's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, he's very funny. | ||
| The two of them together are very fun together. | ||
| Yeah, he just like, I don't know, cracks eggs over her head or whatever. | ||
| I don't know, but it's good. | ||
| I mean, it works. | ||
| It's a fun dynamic. | ||
| She's having a good time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's one of those people that I go, man, how does Whitney function without the store? | ||
| Which is probably what a lot of people say about me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| We'll also define function. | ||
| I mean, like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, of course. | ||
| Like, some of us... | ||
| People are sitting by shooting a potato gun at her in her backyard. | ||
| Some of us need that fixed. | ||
| I agree, man. | ||
| I had to get out of LA. I had to go to the desert because I couldn't handle the feeling every day that things were disintegrating minute by minute. | ||
| And they are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was wearing on me. | ||
| So I said, let me just go to a place where there's just 80-year-olds driving golf carts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bob Hope, you just look at Bob Hope's house. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| Joey Diaz had a really good point. | ||
| I think he's right. | ||
| He's like, before you leave Joe Rogan, you got to go down there and film that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Show these motherfuckers. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| Go down Melrose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't know. | |
| They don't know what the fuck it's become. | ||
| Dude, I listened to the episode he did with Lee when they talk about dissolving the church and was like, that was a great fucking episode, man. | ||
| And it was like emotional. | ||
| It was like, because that guy, along with you, helped define a whole era of podcasting and comedy and everything. | ||
| So it's like, when you hear him talk about walking away from LA and why he's doing it and the family, I mean, it's a real impactful thing. | ||
| Don't tell Joey. | ||
| This is what's going to happen. | ||
| He's going to do one winter in New Jersey, and I'm going to call him up. | ||
| Joey, I bought you a house. | ||
| I'm going to buy him this beautiful house. | ||
| Just reroute his plane. | ||
| Just have his plane land in Austin. | ||
| I'm going to buy him a beautiful house like on a golf course. | ||
| I'm going to make sure it's real near walking distance to good food. | ||
| I'm going to buy him a house. | ||
| Once I open up a comedy club in Austin. | ||
| So you're hardcore. | ||
| You're like going full. | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| You're doing it. | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| Well, I know you're gone, but you're really doing the club and everything. | ||
| I am fucking doing everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wild. | |
| Wild. | ||
| Well, listen. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| I need comedy. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Also, I feel like Austin is a fantastic artistic community. | ||
| There's a lot of fantastic music there. | ||
| It's the live music capital of the world. | ||
| It is. | ||
| The food is fucking sensational. | ||
| Very good. | ||
| The people are cool as shit. | ||
| I just felt like that's a good spot. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I mean, we all need comedy. | ||
| I'm doing a tent in Long Island in two weeks at Governor's. | ||
| They've set up a tent in the parking lot. | ||
| And I'm doing it because, like, pay. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| Time to start, little by little, figuring out what this is going to look like. | ||
| Good for them for just fucking adapting. | ||
| I like that these restaurants, if you go down to Venice, they're taking up the sidewalk. | ||
| They're like, fuck it. | ||
| We were all supposed to shoot, I don't want to say what, but me and a bunch of other people were supposed to shoot something for Netflix in August in LA. That never happened. | ||
| So now it's like, we don't know what the hell's going to happen with that. | ||
| Yeah, I was going to try to do my next special right around the new year. | ||
| That was my plan. | ||
| And you had the garden booked? | ||
| Oh yeah, I had a lot of shit booked. | ||
| But my plan was to make this mad run. | ||
| I was going to do Boston Garden, Madison Square Garden. | ||
| I had all these theaters booked. | ||
| Me and Chappelle were doing a bunch of dates. | ||
| And the thing was to come into like January, February, just fucking coming in hot and do my next special. | ||
| And now it's like, part of me, look, I'm not happy that this is happening for anybody that's sick or anybody who lost a business, anybody, but you have to be able to adapt and look at the bright side. | ||
| So for me, what I'm thinking is right now is, at the very least, what I can do is use this as an opportunity to examine what I want to say in my act. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Examine it. | ||
| Instead of just doing bits that I know are killing, because I have a lot of bits that I know are just murdering. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, hey, should I do that bit? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is this how I feel? | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| Where do I go with this? | ||
| And then go forth once the year rolls over, I think around 20, 21, January, February, that's most likely, if there's a possibility of doing stand-up again, that's when it's going to open up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because they're talking about having some sort of a vaccine around December. | ||
| Well, let's see, but yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I think it's going to get to a point. | ||
| We're going to get to herd immunity a little quicker than we think. | ||
| Well, you know, I was talking to Ron Funches yesterday, and I was like, Ron, what if this is it? | ||
| This is how we live from now on. | ||
| You could still go to the store. | ||
| You could wear a mask. | ||
| You could still go to a restaurant and wear a mask. | ||
| What would we do? | ||
| Would we eventually just start doing stand-up again and say, fuck it? | ||
| If you catch it, you catch it? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think that you can reach herd immunity with this at a lower percentage than a lot of other things because they say that we have exposure to previous coronaviruses and that you could maybe start reaching some level of herd immunity around 20 or 30 percent as opposed to 60 percent, which would mean that New York, I mean, the New York COVID cases are very low. | ||
| That's one of the reasons I'm doing that tent, is because they're very low right now. | ||
| Yeah, but LA's skyrocketing. | ||
| LA's skyrocketing, but no one cares. | ||
| Why is LA skyrocketing? | ||
| It's the wrath of a vengeful god. | ||
| I mean, let's be very honest. | ||
| I mean, do we deserve to not be? | ||
| No, I think it's skyrocketing because it just went across country. | ||
| It was just east to west. | ||
| Everything cool kind of starts in New York, then it ends up in LA to get sold. | ||
| And get ruined. | ||
| And get big. | ||
| And get ruined. | ||
| So COVID started in New York. | ||
| You know, it's what happens. | ||
| COVID here just gives you zits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| By the time the year rolls around, everybody just uses COVID filters to block your zits out. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| I mean, people are out in the outdoor restaurants. | ||
| I mean, it doesn't really matter. | ||
| People are enjoying the restaurants. | ||
| The outdoor restaurants. | ||
| But I feel so bad for all the really good restaurants that don't have an outdoor setup. | ||
| Osteria, Moza, places like that. | ||
| I'm upset. | ||
| Nancy Silverton's fucking... | ||
| APL. APL. That place Felix you like? | ||
| Felix has an outside. | ||
| Oh, they do? | ||
| Oh, it's wonderful. | ||
| Their whole outside is fantastic. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Maybe I'll go there in an edge. | ||
| They have a next door restaurant that had this whole outside area. | ||
| They took that over. | ||
| They have a lot of seating. | ||
| It's the one thing in the desert, when you go to a restaurant in the desert, you eat the food, you're like chewing it, you're like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| I don't know what goes on. | ||
| I go to seafood restaurants out there. | ||
| I start chewing something. | ||
| I'm like, I don't even know what this is. | ||
| There's one good one called Pacifica, which is really good. | ||
| But there's a lot of restaurants out there in the desert where you go, something's wrong. | ||
| So you just decided to go out there. | ||
| Did you previously have experience with Palm Springs? | ||
| No, but I was in a car and then the riot started. | ||
| So I was in a car, and the riot started, and I literally, instead of going back to my house, because I live right off Sunset, an apartment right off Sunset, instead of going back, I just got on a 10 East. | ||
| I'd never even been out there. | ||
| I just said, I'd put the clothes on my back. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| I said, I'm getting on a 10 East. | ||
| What am I going to go? | ||
| I look like a cop. | ||
| I look like a guy that should be burned alive. | ||
| For every sin that this country has committed, right? | ||
| No one would care. | ||
| My own parents would be like, he probably did something to deserve that. | ||
| So I'm like, I'm getting the fuck out of here because I get lit up immediately. | ||
| So I just started driving into 10 East. | ||
| I got an Airbnb. | ||
| I talked to some dude. | ||
| I'm like, hey, it was a nice Airbnb. | ||
| And I just got out there and I'm like, I fucking love it out here. | ||
| It's just nice. | ||
| It's just quiet. | ||
| I know people have vacation spots out there. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| And then I just said to myself, if I'm not at the store, and I'm not doing anything, I can drive in and do podcasts. | ||
| I can easily drive in. | ||
| How long did it take you to get here? | ||
| Under two. | ||
| Oh, that's not bad. | ||
| About two. | ||
| Sounds like a San Diego trip. | ||
| All the traffic is Ventura Freeway. | ||
| Have you ever thought about living down there, like La Jolla? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No? | ||
| I'm not a surfer. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I came here to do stand-up comedy. | ||
| I came here to create things. | ||
| I didn't come here to be a surfer. | ||
| I didn't come here to do yoga. | ||
| I didn't come here to join a cult. | ||
| I didn't come here to do any of that. | ||
| I'm an East Coast guy. | ||
| East Coast is where I was born and raised. | ||
| Which makes sense that you're in the Palm Desert. | ||
| Yeah, because it's, well, what are you going to do? | ||
| I can't go move back to New York, get shot in the face. | ||
| So I'm staying there until December, until the holidays, and then I'll figure out, you know, who knows, we'll see what's happening in the world. | ||
| The violence rate in New York right now is off the charts. | ||
| It's a little too much. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| How are they going to turn that back? | ||
| It'll turn around, dude. | ||
| In five years, it's a cycle. | ||
| It'll bottom out a little bit. | ||
| Or it'll be done forever. | ||
| It'll be a cycle, dude. | ||
| In five years, a bunch of rich kids will move in there just like they moved in there in 2009. They'll start doing alternative comedy, dressing like fucking hit flappers. | ||
| They'll start dripping. | ||
| And that'll be the resurgence of the city. | ||
| They'll open a bunch of new coffee houses in what used to be homeless shelters, and it'll just... | ||
| And it's just a cycle. | ||
| But what needs to happen now, there's going to be a lot of pain. | ||
| There's going to be a lot of displacement of people. | ||
| And then I think this could be the route to the city getting cool again. | ||
| To maybe younger artistic people coming in, architects doing cool shit, reimagining public spaces. | ||
| You know, New York needs to get shaken out of its tree a little bit, and so does LA. That's what's happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I just don't want to be here for it. | ||
| Like, maybe it'll get dirty and dangerous again. | ||
| It's gonna get to the point where maybe everything won't suck. | ||
| Times Square will be like Times Square in the 70s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| And people that move to New York, they'll be... | ||
| You know, listen. | ||
| If you know you could get slashed on the way to the comedy show, you better kill. | ||
| You better make it work. | ||
| You have a lot of tension. | ||
| You better make it work. | ||
| If it's safe and you and your friends are skipping down the street, you don't ever feel that pressure. | ||
| Where is that other sock? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Pressure is good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| And I think that now you're going to get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll see. | |
| Where do you think you're going to wind up? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Texas is very interesting to me. | ||
| That's very interesting. | ||
| I mean, the idea of that is very interesting. | ||
| I'm going to put up the bat signal for everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's very interesting to me. | ||
| I mean, I also think, you know, I do like LA, but I don't know what's going to happen. | ||
| I do like it here. | ||
| I mean, there, you know, I don't know what I'm going to do. | ||
| I may manage, you know, I've talked about managing Logan Paul's presidential campaign. | ||
| I could always move back to do that. | ||
| We're going to have to talk to Jake, though. | ||
| He's going to be like Roger Clint. | ||
| He's in trouble right now. | ||
| Well, there's a few guns. | ||
| It's not trouble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a few guns. | |
| He's got an arsenal. | ||
| He's like Billy Carter. | ||
| He's got an arsenal. | ||
| Remember Billy Beer? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's always a Roger Clinton. | ||
| There's always a brother who you go, you just sit down. | ||
| Was it an arsenal thing or was it because he was stealing things from the mall while they were looting? | ||
| No, I think he was just walking around the mall being what he does, which is with a camera. | ||
| And then I think, you know, he left, I think, an AK-47 on his hot tub. | ||
| Like, leaned up against the hot tub. | ||
| I think somebody ratted him out. | ||
| Did he show it on Twitter or something? | ||
| Yeah, there was some... | ||
| Something on Instagram or something? | ||
| Dude, a guy like that with that kind of money, I say get more weapons. | ||
| Get a bioweapons lab. | ||
| You should have a bat coronavirus going 24-7. | ||
| Get anthrax. | ||
| Jake Paul, get anthrax. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| You're going to need it. | ||
| When LA falls, these are the only fucks that are going to be able to do anything. | ||
| They're going to have arsenals. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| It's not a bad idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Like, LA's very weird because you're like, where do I fit in? | ||
| You know, without stand-up comedy, you're like, I podcast and that's good and I try to make that as funny as I can. | ||
| But then you look around a lot of places of LA, like, I don't really fit in with the actors. | ||
| And I'm not really one of these kids that's really like a social media guy. | ||
| And then I'm not one of these writers that, you know, tweet about global warming and Black Lives Matter all day. | ||
| So you're like, my community of people, which was the store and... | ||
| And the stand-up comedians have now been like dispersed. | ||
| So it's like a weird, like I'm like a man without a country. | ||
| Yeah, I feel like that too. | ||
| And I want to be adopted by one of these, like someone come in here, like one of these big YouTubers. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| One of these guys that walk around, you know, like hypebeasts and these crazy shirts and everything. | ||
| Just, I'll be one of those guys. | ||
| Just someone knock on my door. | ||
| Why don't you start your own thing? | ||
| Well, I mean... | ||
| Golf shirts and just screaming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| Just polos, just like this. | ||
| Just ill-fitting polos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ill-fitting polos for the American racists. | ||
| Polos are a weird choice. | ||
| Like, why is it that that is like what golfer dorks wear? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the only thing I wear. | |
| You know what it is? | ||
| I've always wanted to look like I've had money, and I've never looked like it. | ||
| And there's a type of guy that's from... | ||
| A lot of them live in New York or Long Island or Boston, by the way. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Eyes on. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And they wear these fucking polos and they have no fucking money. | ||
| And that's the kind of guy that I am where it's like, I always want to look, but they're always sunburned and they've always got like an ill-fitting thing like the collars, like this collar's all fucked up because I tumble dry it in the wash like an animal. | ||
| I look like a golf pro who's failed at everything, and his wife laughed like- John Daly's brother. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I mean, but that's the look. | ||
| When you have the look, you just honor the look. | ||
| The IZOD look. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid, I had fake IZODs. | ||
| We couldn't afford an alligator. | ||
| Okay, so what was it? | ||
| An armadillo? | ||
| You have some bullshit thing that you buy from some stupid department store, and guys would glue an alligator over it. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| It's depressing. | ||
| Oh, that's rough. | ||
| They would fake it. | ||
| You made it out. | ||
| But it's so funny. | ||
| You figured it out. | ||
| Labels to kids are a big deal. | ||
| If you have off-brand sneakers on. | ||
| One summer, I saved up for a Versace shirt, and I bought this Versace shirt. | ||
| It was like this weird mesh material that clinks to your body. | ||
| Now, we can imagine there were many problems with that, right? | ||
| Because Versace has European cuck clothes. | ||
| Now, even if I, you know, were a small- Cuck clothes? | ||
| Cuck clothes. | ||
| No, cut, cut. | ||
| They're European cuck. | ||
| They're for dudes with, like, small shoulders. | ||
| You know the- You see Dolce& Gabbana, like, they're just- They're women- So I bought this Versace shirt, which was like blue and mesh, and it was just a night. | ||
| I mean, I look like Grover or something, like Cookie Monster walking around. | ||
| And then I just spilled something on it, and then I realized like designer clothes, you can't ever spill anything on it ever, or you have to like throw it out. | ||
| Like those types of material, it just doesn't work. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, the people that wear these don't eat, or when they eat, they don't eat in a way that gets things on them. | ||
| Or when they get things dirty, they just throw them away. | ||
| Throw them out and get another one. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| I've never been into fashion. | ||
| Yeah, I never have either, but I have been fascinated by the whole Paris fashion show runway culture. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| To the point where I've actually, I remember when Kanye West was getting into that, and he was making his stuff and have people wear it on runways. | ||
| I almost want to be there to see what one of those things are like, because I bet some of the people there are probably so preposterous Yeah. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Well, that's like going out to dinner in LA. You see these people walking into these restaurants and it's kind of hilarious. | ||
| You're like, these people are like a meme. | ||
| I mean, like they're not even real. | ||
| I'm like, oh my God. | ||
| So that's what Fashion Week is like. | ||
| I think it's an entire business built on bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| It's like an entire business built on like, what do you think? | ||
| And like buzz and all this crap. | ||
| Like there's nothing real about it other than what's created. | ||
| Our business is kind of like that too, where it's like, there's no nuts and bolts and it's all pretty much like, where's popular sentiment going? | ||
| How much can we affect it? | ||
| How much can we direct it? | ||
| And then there's, you know, eight year olds in Pakistan that make all the clothes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All these things. | ||
| Which is sad, but they need to work. | ||
| I mean, we see what happens when you shut down a country and nobody works. | ||
| Do we want eight-year-old Pakistanis in Antifa? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Work. | |
| I wonder what's going to happen with American manufacturing. | ||
| I wonder if there's going to be a real shift, recognizing what a huge problem it is, having all our medicine made in China. | ||
| There's not a single phone that's made here. | ||
| Not a fucking phone. | ||
| Not a single one, yeah. | ||
| Not a single one. | ||
| Everybody has a phone. | ||
| There's millions of phones. | ||
| I wonder if this makes us rethink all of that, and that we gotta be more. | ||
| I mean, that would make sense, right? | ||
| Because 90% of our antibiotics are made in China. | ||
| Yeah, most of our medication. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's one of the things that I thought was very interesting about Trump, was that he was like, you know, listen, we're getting fucked by China. | ||
| They're fucking us. | ||
| And he was right. | ||
| He was right, but it's just, when he's right about things, those things become wrong. | ||
| Because people don't like him. | ||
| That's what I was saying about the politicalization, whether that's a word or not, of hydroxychloroquine. | ||
| When Schaub got the COVID, the doctor asked him what his political leanings are. | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
| He's like, a lot of people don't want to take hydroxychloroquine because of Trump. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's like, is that what I should take? | ||
| He goes, yes. | ||
| Shobb's getting nervous. | ||
| He thinks it's like a history test. | ||
| They're like, where do you stand on imperialism? | ||
| Shobb's like, wait, what? | ||
| He was baffled. | ||
| I'm just coughing. | ||
| He was like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Give me the fucking medication that works. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| There was a doctor. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| If any doctor says this helps, anybody that doesn't want to take it, to me, is crazy. | ||
| But it's a strange one in that so many people are against it, but it's like... | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| There's an article. | ||
| What was that article that I pulled up really recently about... | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| The key to defeating COVID-19 already exists. | ||
| We need to start using it. | ||
| This is a doctor who is a legitimate scientist. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're trying to figure out, like, why is this guy's a professor of epidemiology from Yale School of Public Health? | ||
| He's not full of shit. | ||
| He's not full of shit. | ||
| And he's saying, listen, there's real evidence to show that, particularly in the early stages of this disease, it stops the virus from spreading. | ||
| It's a malaria disease that's been used forever. | ||
| New York told me that it was like the Lazarus drug, like people just getting up and walking out of the hot, like people literally that came in with it, if they used it early enough, it was really good. | ||
| Right, but then you hear these studies where people are saying, no, in fact, more people died when they're on it. | ||
| Like, well, what the fuck is true? | ||
| What is real? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's when you just have to kind of clock out and you go, let's figure it out. | ||
| Well, is it different stages of the disease where it's not effective? | ||
| Is it old people it doesn't work on, but it works on young people? | ||
| What are the studies? | ||
| How are you doing the studies? | ||
| Who's doing the studies? | ||
| I mean, it's all very difficult. | ||
| Have you done anything different in terms of taking care of yourself other than moving to the desert? | ||
| I take vitamin D. How much? | ||
| I take vitamin D. I think 5,000 I use a day. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I take vitamin D. I started smoking because the cigarettes they said help. | ||
| I'm kidding. | ||
| Every now and then I have one cigarette, but I don't smoke. | ||
| Every now and then, at night, it's a relaxing thing once in a while. | ||
| Not all the time. | ||
| Do you smoke cigars? | ||
| No, I should. | ||
| Do you want one right now? | ||
| No, not really. | ||
| I appreciate it, though. | ||
| I should start. | ||
| I got a whole box of them. | ||
| Mike Binder gave me a whole box. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I don't need another habit. | ||
| You're very good. | ||
| I just start smoking cigars. | ||
| You don't have to smoke cigars all the time. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I have an addictive personality, so whatever I do, I tend to do it a lot. | ||
| Guess what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| That's the problem. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| That's why I got good at comedy. | ||
| Diaz talks about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Got addicted to that. | ||
| You know, that's the whole thing. | ||
| You end up getting addicted to... | ||
| Something. | ||
| So you better make sure that it's something good. | ||
| But I've been trying to do better things and, you know, swimming a lot, working out, things like that. | ||
| Well, have you ever talked, like, when evolutionary biologists talk about addictive personalities and obsessive personalities, obsessive behavior, and they say that you're actually, this is very controversial, but they think, some of them think, that you're actually tapping into a trait that would make you get very successful at things like hunting. | ||
| For survival. | ||
| Like you get obsessed at something, so you want to perfect it, you're obsessed by it, so you become better at it, so you become more successful, so you survive because you have food. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, which makes sense. | ||
| Or war, or combat, or things where you're going to be able to figure out how to defend yourself. | ||
| So that's like a primordial trait that a lot of us have. | ||
| And he gets hijacked by heroin. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It gets hijacked by gambling. | ||
| It gets hijacked by something horrible. | ||
| It gets hijacked by jerking off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you would have been a hunter. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Listen, it makes 100% sense. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I mean, it's just, it's crazy. | ||
| It's like in the modern world, that trait becomes sometimes a liability. | ||
| Well, in the modern world, there's so many, like the modern world is not natural. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| Every fucking thing that we do is very recent. | ||
| Offices are so unnatural, like the way we sit. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What we do for a living has only been around for a hundred years. | ||
| Not even a hundred years. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When was the first stand-up? | ||
| I think it was the mafia started putting these nightclubs together after, like, vaudeville. | ||
| Like, it was started those type of acts. | ||
| They started putting a brick wall up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think that was, you know, it's all very recent. | ||
| It's in the last century. | ||
| Yeah, in the last century. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| And guys like us would have been the emcee. | ||
| And it would have been like a fucking go-go dancer and a guy playing the drums. | ||
| Yeah, that's all that shit. | ||
| We're descendant of tent carnivals and circuses. | ||
| It is crazy that one of the most prominent art forms in the world, which is stand-up comedy, is literally within the last hundred years. | ||
| Yeah, but a lot of things, you know, yeah. | ||
| But like music, acting, poetry, literature. | ||
| Well, you'd have to look at the predecessors too. | ||
| Like there was probably in the Middle Ages, there was a court jester, right? | ||
| So there's always been somebody goofing around and being funny. | ||
| Sometimes they did comedic plays. | ||
| There had to be a guy in the town square yelling and screaming. | ||
| Storytellers. | ||
| And podcasting is like, we're essentially, it's like, other than being a whore, a hooker, it's like the oldest profession, because we're just talking. | ||
| Sort of, but we're doing it in a new way, where people are doing other things, and they're getting entertained while they're doing other things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| Like, right now, while you and I are yucking it up, there's a guy who's running around a lake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And he's out there laughing his ass off, sweating, and it distracts you. | ||
| And it distracts him. | ||
| He looks down at his watch, holy shit, like it's six miles. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's just simple. | ||
| Recording things change a lot of that because musicians change too because everything would have had to have been 100% live performance. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| If you play guitar or harp or violin, whatever the fuck it would have been. | ||
| Well, that's what I miss. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| I miss. | ||
| I love podcasting and I get to do it. | ||
| But I do miss the live experience. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because everything has context live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Twitter, all these things have no context. | ||
| When I did the Houston Improv, which is the only date that I did over the last few months, it was like I felt like I was getting away with something. | ||
| And then I realized I kind of have almost like a low-key depression from not doing stand-up. | ||
| It's not bad, but it's like this is what it is. | ||
| And this is, I hate to tell you all, you folks out there, regular people who do not kill, if you do not go on stage and kill, you do not know what that feels like. | ||
| It's a high. | ||
| It is not just a high, it is one of the biggest highs in all of show business. | ||
| It's life affirming. | ||
| When you and I would do the main room at the fucking store and you get off stage and murder- It's great. | ||
| And you would hand it off to me. | ||
| Nothing's better. | ||
| Oh my god, man. | ||
| Nothing's better. | ||
| It's like the feeling. | ||
| And there's a feeling that I remember going on stage when someone was coming off. | ||
| They would introduce you and they would just crush. | ||
| And you looked at their face and you got to see a face of a person just crushed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I would always say this. | ||
| I feel bad for people who don't know what it's like to crush. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's also like, you look at actors and you go, how fun could that be? | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I'm sure it is. | ||
| But it can't be anywhere near as fun. | ||
| No. | ||
| Can't be anywhere near as fun. | ||
| Just in the raw, visceral reaction of people. | ||
| Like Greg Giraldo always used to say, like, it's that visceral, you know, feeling. | ||
| It's not so much... | ||
| It's not like you're getting love, but it's like you're just this... | ||
| It's like this weird, almost... | ||
| Like God-like experience you're having in terms of like being able to take a room full of 300 people and bring them with you on a journey. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And take them from where they are to a place where they're hysterically laughing. | ||
| It's like a chemical reaction to change people's... | ||
| I mean, that's why I'm going to go do it in a tent. | ||
| You're giving them a drug. | ||
| It's like, yeah. | ||
| You're giving him a drug. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm not going to do a lot of those shows, but I said, I'll do one. | ||
| Let me see what it's like. | ||
| I'm curious as to what it's like, and I've shit on them, and I still may after I do it, but I want to see what it's like to just do it in the circumstances it can be done right now. | ||
| Are you going to do one with Bert, those drive-in things you were talking about doing those? | ||
| That I'm not going to do. | ||
| LAUGHTER I love him, but I don't want to entertain cars. | ||
| You sit people in a parking lot, I'm cool. | ||
| When I start performing at Dodge Durangos, and listen, God bless him. | ||
| He's got a huge fan base. | ||
| A lot of people are doing it. | ||
| I think Gaffigan did it. | ||
| I feel like that's way too disconnected. | ||
| For me, this is all personal, right? | ||
| I love podcasting. | ||
| I try to be as funny as I can. | ||
| I do these crazy rants. | ||
| And that gets a little bit out that I need to get out. | ||
| I would rather do that than perform in front of cars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think I'm going to try the car thing once. | ||
| But maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| I'll try the car thing once. | ||
| You've got to try it all once. | ||
| But Burt's doing it all over the country. | ||
| He's basically on a drive-through tour. | ||
| What I love about Burt, Burt was like, they were like, we're shutting down comedy. | ||
| He's like, no, we're not. | ||
| Yeah, and Burt's like, we're not. | ||
| Yeah, he just got shuffled out there. | ||
| But it's also, you know, the thing about COVID, it does give you an opportunity, if you're a comic, to sort of sit down and rethink things. | ||
| And also to really appreciate what it's like to do stand-up again. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| When we did that weekend in Houston, I did it with Moses and Hinchcliffe, and when we came back, we were like, man, I missed that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My God, that was fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I mean, I know that I'm walking into a situation where I might get off stage and go, oh, fuck this forever. | ||
| Because it's a rough... | ||
| You know, it's going to be different. | ||
| It's not a cloud. | ||
| They're going to be thankful, though. | ||
| But I'm going to be thankful. | ||
| We're going to have a lot of fun. | ||
| They're going to be thankful. | ||
| I mean, the ticket's sold immediately. | ||
| We're putting more shows on. | ||
| And then it's my home from Long Island. | ||
| So I'm going to have a lot of fun there with the people that come out. | ||
| And I think because it's going to be a really great place to ease back in because I'm going to be able to do some material, go off the top of my head, know that the crowd has a lot of shared experiences with me because we all grew up in the same place. | ||
| It's kind of a training wheels to kind of come back in and then hopefully I'm hoping by this winter we're kind of start revving up again. | ||
| Because we can't... | ||
| I mean, what are we going to do? | ||
| Well, what do we do if COVID is like this next August? | ||
| If we're all the way to next August and it's still like this? | ||
| Did you just go on the road again? | ||
| I think it is a certain time we're going to have to make that distinction because, like... | ||
| At the end of the day, how does the economy survive? | ||
| How does the country survive without these things? | ||
| I mean, sports is a mental... | ||
| People need sports. | ||
| They need to participate. | ||
| They need to watch sport. | ||
| You can't take all of this away forever. | ||
| I mean, there's all these freaks. | ||
| Listen, I get the people without the masks that are coughing in elderly people's faces. | ||
| No good. | ||
| But on the other side, you have these people that are these weird... | ||
| Cat moms that are like wine drunk, baking bread on Instagram. | ||
| It's like, honey, we can't do this for 10 years. | ||
| I know you're happy because you're this weird freak that doesn't like leaving anyway. | ||
| People need to fucking leave their homes. | ||
| Yeah, they need to leave their homes and there's not a lot of entertainment coming down the pipe either. | ||
| Not a lot of movies being made. | ||
| No! | ||
| Not a lot of ways to entertain yourself. | ||
| And these studios are trying to figure out ways to film these movies and keep people safe, but it's hard, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They got to quarantine everybody and put them in hotels. | ||
| It's difficult. | ||
| But that's why I think eventually, you know, New York's COVID rates are very low. | ||
| I think that it's going to blow through. | ||
| I think there might be a little second wave, but I think eventually the viruses weaken. | ||
| They weaken and they disappear. | ||
| It happened in 1918 with the Spanish flu. | ||
| They weaken and this will weaken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that weird? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Why does the virus weaken? | ||
| Well, you know, I'm an epidemiologist, and what you see is a lot of times the virus is just, it goes into the hosts, and then eventually the virus is like, eh. | ||
| Like, what causes it? | ||
| Is it the people that have- I think it just runs through. | ||
| It's just like, picture somebody that just fucks everybody, that they've just ran through everybody. | ||
| They move to the next town. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You just fuck everybody, and then you're like, what am I going to do? | ||
| And then if you fuck like 30 people, by the time you fuck the 31st person, you barely have a hard-on. | ||
| You're blowing out dust! | ||
| Yeah, you're going to have a hard-on. | ||
| So I think this virus just, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know exactly how it happens, but it does historically happen. | ||
| It's happened. | ||
| Yeah, historically. | ||
| This is a different kind of disease, though. | ||
| I think the big problem is the bigger issue actually now is economic, even though COVID's a massive issue. | ||
| I think the bigger issue is how are we going to stop 28 million people from being evicted or foreclosed on because they couldn't go to jobs? | ||
| The government literally shut down the economy. | ||
| These people could not work. | ||
| So through no fault of their own, they have a real problem here. | ||
| There's a real housing issue. | ||
| Not just that. | ||
| How about the businesses that are closed down? | ||
| How do you restart a business when you have no money? | ||
| Correct. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| How do you get going? | ||
| And does the government have money to give these people loans to get started again? | ||
| I mean, I think they have to do something, whether it's universal basic income. | ||
| I don't know what they're going to do, but that economic issue is going to be really, really massive. | ||
| It's so fucking anxiety filled. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's like, how does this end? | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| In Texas. | ||
| That's where it ends. | ||
| It just ends in Texas that we all have guns and we all just sit on our porches all day waiting for someone to come near us. | ||
| How often have you shot a gun? | ||
| A few times, like upstate New York. | ||
| I should, I mean, I don't have a gun. | ||
| I should get a gun. | ||
| I didn't think I'd need a gun when I moved to LA. I didn't think I'd have to sit on my balcony with a gun. | ||
| You know, it seemed relatively safe when I moved in. | ||
| People were annoying, but I didn't think they were coming to kill me. | ||
| I didn't think they were coming in my windows to kill me. | ||
| But now that I'm like, yeah, I should get a gun. | ||
| I think I texted you a second week of quarantine. | ||
| I'm like, should I get a gun? | ||
| You're like, yeah. | ||
| You're one of them. | ||
| You're one of my liberal friends. | ||
| I'm not a liberal friend, but I was like... | ||
| Are you a centrist? | ||
| I believe in pedophile cults and lizard people. | ||
| I think that's centrist. | ||
| I think that's in the center. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I'm on the fence with lizard people, but the pedophile cults are real. | ||
| They're all real. | ||
| I just don't care. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| That's really my political option. | ||
| It's like, I think most of it isn't real. | ||
| You're making a lot of it real. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| Walk away. | ||
| Like, it truly... | ||
| People that are real activists... | ||
| A lot of them have like a degree, like they're a lawyer or a doctor, and then they use their skills to actually help people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they give up really profitable careers to do that shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But dude, your Twitter fucking posturing and your virtue signaling doesn't do anything. | ||
| It's fake. | ||
| I know it's fake. | ||
| And there's just more to life than red and blue and Republican or Democrat and all these motherfuckers are trying to kill you and they're all fucking losers. | ||
| And they're all just... | ||
| I mean, listen... | ||
| They're more capable. | ||
| All the shit that they've pulled, the CIA, all these people, they're just too good. | ||
| They've beat me. | ||
| They're going to win. | ||
| They're going to win. | ||
| The CIA is going to beat you. | ||
| Maybe you should join. | ||
| I don't know who needs to hear it. | ||
| I'd love to, but I don't know who needs to hear this. | ||
| But stop investing all your emotions and your time and energy into this thing. | ||
| You would be so much better off if you just found something you enjoyed and did it. | ||
| Right, but you don't want them taking away your rights and closing in on your email account. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're gonna do it! | |
| They're gonna do it anyway! | ||
| Are they? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you sure? | |
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| Don't take my rights! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Send! | |
| It doesn't fucking matter! | ||
| They're gonna take them! | ||
| Buy the gun! | ||
| Do whatever you gotta do! | ||
| Like, there's no winning here! | ||
| Do you believe in a well-armed militia? | ||
| Think that's necessary? | ||
| Yeah, I'm all for people having guns. | ||
| But a militia. | ||
| It seems like more now than ever, the idea of forming a militia is in people's minds. | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| It'll happen. | ||
| There'll be skirmishes. | ||
| There'll be violence in the street. | ||
| That's what I was most worried about with Portland and Seattle. | ||
| Yeah, at the end of the day, you know, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| You know, this country is not designed for massive reimagining. | ||
| That's sad to say. | ||
| I can say it. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| But the reality is it's just not. | ||
| It's going to disintegrate like everything else that's ever fucking existed on the planet. | ||
| And you just hope that the plane lands slowly and doesn't nosedive into the ground. | ||
| But the best days are over here. | ||
| The hopeful, you know, we're going to the moon. | ||
| That's done. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You don't think so? | ||
| I think we could be in a little bit of a blip and we'd make a nice resurgence and in a year and a half from now everything's looking good. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think we just head into a dystopian, insane kind of like tech world where we just all live on, like reality barely exists. | ||
| That's a real problem. | ||
| It's a dystopian world we're heading into. | ||
| Well the real problem is if everything goes into like a Ready Player One type situation where whatever they manufacture on a computer with artificial reality is more interesting. | ||
| That's going to happen. | ||
| And listen, here's the problem. | ||
| Most people don't care. | ||
| They don't want these rights. | ||
| They actually don't. | ||
| You like them because you're like a successful person. | ||
| Most people don't give a shit about their rights. | ||
| They want pizza. | ||
| They want chicken wings. | ||
| They want fucking soda. | ||
| They want cheap credit. | ||
| They want to go on a cruise once a year. | ||
| They don't give a shit about their rights. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| They want Netflix and they want, you know, garlic knots. | ||
| And that's what it is. | ||
| And you could pretend... | ||
| America's just not a country of freedom-loving. | ||
| There's a few of those people. | ||
| Most people are just like, hey, whatever. | ||
| And they're the happiest people. | ||
| A lot of those people I'm talking about are actually the happier people. | ||
| They're not trying to build an empire. | ||
| They're not trying to succeed. | ||
| They just enjoy putting something warm and doughy in their mouth, vegging out, and fucking waking up the next day and go, shit, I'm here again. | ||
| And they're the happiest people. | ||
| They like to get drunk and go boating. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| They like to get fucked up and go out on the lake. | ||
| Go out on the lake and get railed up. | ||
| And it's fun. | ||
| What, are you going to sit around all day and worry about what DARPA's doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, what kind of life is that? | |
| Grill a burger, it's over! | ||
| I mean, enjoy it! | ||
| It's the end, and the end's not that bad. | ||
| As ends go, this end happens to be hilarious, and there's still food in the food stores. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| As of right now. | ||
| I like your optimism. | ||
| This is a good end. | ||
| It's not a bad end. | ||
| It's not the worst end. | ||
| I want to see what happens when Joe Biden gets into office. | ||
| He's going to sleep a lot. | ||
| He'll nap a lot. | ||
| I want to see what the speeches are like when he forgets what he's talking about. | ||
| He's going to have no clue. | ||
| Kamala, he'll run for a term, he'll live for a term. | ||
| It's Kamala, and if you pronounce it wrong, you're racist. | ||
| I call her K-Dawg. | ||
| No, she's gonna run, he'll do one term, and then she'll run. | ||
| I don't think he'll run for a second term. | ||
| He's already too old. | ||
| He'll do one term, she'll come in again, no one will care about politics, she'll be yass-queening all over the place. | ||
| If he does run for a second term, he'll be in his 80s. | ||
| He's not going to run for a second term. | ||
| She'll run. | ||
| She knows that. | ||
| That's why she's pumped. | ||
| But do you think they have to think that through when they run for president? | ||
| Like if you're 78 and you're barely hanging on now. | ||
| It's probably unspoken, but I think that that's probably... | ||
| I think why he picked her is because she's... | ||
| Young and vital. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody's kind of comfortable with her. | ||
| She's a centrist. | ||
| She's a cop. | ||
| She doesn't care. | ||
| She'll put you right in jail. | ||
| She'll put the cuffs on you. | ||
| The government, the larger power centers are very happy with her. | ||
| She'll throw them in the vans. | ||
| She'll brand you. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| So if she runs, who's her VP? God only knows. | ||
| I mean, someone else that shares her values, which are... | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| ...aesthetic politics and a lot of prison. | ||
| ...requiring all Americans to wear masks. | ||
| Three months, he says. | ||
| For three months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was joined at briefing by his newly named running mate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Let me hear it. | ||
| I don't know about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| That's a long speech, it says. | ||
| I want to hear some of it, Joe. | ||
| I just want to hear his voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Here it goes. | ||
| Give me some. | ||
| When one arrives... | ||
| And what plans are being made for. | ||
| We talked significantly about the racial disparities that exist and how COVID-19 is affecting different races differently. | ||
| And we talked about the continued lack of PPE, protective equipment, and testing capacity and the like. | ||
| And I've put out a comprehensive plan over the last three months on each of these things. | ||
| But today, I want to talk about one thing, very straightforward. | ||
| It doesn't have anything to do with Democrats, Republicans, or independents. | ||
| It has to do with a simple proposition. | ||
| Every single American. | ||
| Should be wearing a mask when they're outside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| For the next three months at Menon. | ||
| Every governor should mandate. | ||
| Every governor should mandate mandatory mask wearing. | ||
| The estimates by the experts are it will save over 40,000 lives in the next three months. | ||
| 40,000 lives. | ||
| The people act responsibly. | ||
| And it's not about your rights, it's about your responsibilities. | ||
| As an American. | ||
| That's a bad line. | ||
| It's not a great line. | ||
| I get what he's saying. | ||
| At least he got through that without stumbling. | ||
| He seems to be getting better. | ||
| They're injecting him with something when he's getting better. | ||
| Yeah, no, legit. | ||
| Something's happening. | ||
| Yeah, they got alpha brain on an IV drip. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Going right into his dick hole. | ||
| He's going slower now. | ||
| Because remember, you used to be fast, and you go, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Well, he does have a stutter. | ||
| He's always had a bit of an issue. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It's like, aren't we... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's so depressing that these people rule us. | ||
| But then you also go, who even wants this fucking job? | ||
| And if you're really talented and you don't even want that job. | ||
| Who wants that fucking job? | ||
| I mean, look at this one. | ||
| She's Indian. | ||
| She's black. | ||
| She doesn't know what she is. | ||
| She's everything. | ||
| Best for their health, their well-being, and for their families. | ||
| That's what real leadership looks like. | ||
| And when Joe talks about his priorities, he knows and he cares about the fact that we have, as a nation, witnessed 165,000 people who just in the last few months have died in our country. | ||
| We know that those individuals represent families, loved ones, grandparents, parents, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sisters. | |
| Those are all people she could have put in jail. | ||
| She's so upset because we could have put handcuffs on all of those people. | ||
| They could have been out there fighting wildfires for a dollar an hour. | ||
| They could have been working for a Walmart for 10 cents an hour in the Kamala Harris prison program. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, what are you going to do? | ||
| It's just wild that these are our choices. | ||
| Trump. | ||
| Or this crew. | ||
| Or this old fella. | ||
| But that's what I mean. | ||
| It's like, this is kind of the beginning of the... | ||
| She makes sense to me as a vice president. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| Get away from all the prison stuff. | ||
| She makes all the right people feel comfortable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She makes all the right... | ||
| Like, all the people that need... | ||
| Somebody in there that will, you know... | ||
| Check the boxes. | ||
| Check all the boxes. | ||
| Who's that guy? | ||
| I don't like him. | ||
| Who is he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What does Donald Trump say? | ||
| Oh, he's wearing a mask. | ||
| We unite in our effort to defeat invisible China virus. | ||
| And many people say that it is patriotic to wear a face mask when you can't socially distance. | ||
| There is nobody more patriotic than me, your favorite president. | ||
| Yeah, this is the end. | ||
| I mean, this is the end, Joe. | ||
| This is out of a movie. | ||
| You tweeted to Bill Maher today? | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| He went off on Bill Maher. | ||
| Oh, because Bill Maher did that thing about him. | ||
| He did a eulogy for him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| Yeah, he said he wouldn't get a eulogy, so he gave him. | ||
| Trump was not happy about that. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Did you see what he said to him? | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| I didn't see that. | ||
| Yeah, I got it in here somewhere. | ||
| It's actually pretty funny. | ||
| It's just funny that he spent so much time thinking about this. | ||
| He goes, uh... | ||
| His ego is the thing, man. | ||
| That's the thing that really... | ||
| Watched Bill Maher last night for the first time in a long time. | ||
| He's totally shot, looks terrible, exhausted, gaunt, and weak. | ||
| If there was ever a good reason for no shutdown, check out this jerk. | ||
| He never had much going for him, but whatever he did have is missing in action. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| What a crazy tweet! | ||
| The suburban housewife will be voting for me. | ||
| They want safety and are thrilled that I ended the long-running program where low-income housing would invade their neighborhood. | ||
| Biden would reinstall it in a bigger form with Cory Booker in charge. | ||
| I mean, this is kind of just very race-baiting stuff, you know? | ||
| He's basically like this. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, this is real coded stuff, you know? | ||
| That's kind of ugly. | ||
| Is that what they call a dog whistle? | ||
| Yeah, it's a little ugly. | ||
| Dog whistle's a new thing. | ||
| Dog whistle's new, and a lot of the things they say dog whistles aren't. | ||
| They're just people are talking. | ||
| But when you say stuff like that, where you're like, invade, use words like that. | ||
| Low-income housing's invading your neighborhood. | ||
| You're kind of like housewives. | ||
| We know what you're doing here. | ||
| Yeah, the housewives, we know. | ||
| MS-13, climbing in a window, low-income housing. | ||
| But this is what he's doing. | ||
| Do you think he gets advised to say these things, or do you think these things are off the cuff? | ||
| No, I don't think anyone's advising him. | ||
| I think this is all him. | ||
| That's what's crazy, right? | ||
| He's a creature and a creation of all of the cultural trends that his supporters hate. | ||
| Which are Hollywood and Big Tech. | ||
| He is a creation of those two things. | ||
| One of the most wild things recently was the Bubba thing with the NASCAR, with the noose. | ||
| Yeah, the noose, yeah. | ||
| Like when he was saying that NASCAR screwing up the lowest ratings ever. | ||
| And first of all, they had the problem getting rid of the flag. | ||
| You mean the Confederate flag? | ||
| Yeah, the Confederate flag. | ||
| Not only that, the ratings aren't low. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about what he said to the Fox News anchor when they go, well, who's done more for black people than me? | ||
| And they were like, Lincoln? | ||
| And he's like, well, that's debatable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then she goes, well, we're free, Mr. President. | ||
| He goes, yeah, you're free. | ||
| Like, that's wild. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's wild. | |
| It's just wild. | ||
| It's a problem. | ||
| He's off the cuff. | ||
| He's not thinking. | ||
| Off the cuff. | ||
| But even off the cuff, this is really, yeah. | ||
| It's a narcissist on a level that no one's really ever seen that before in public life at this level. | ||
| And he's the worst guy in a crisis. | ||
| This is the worst guy. | ||
| You wouldn't want a guy leading a Boy Scout troop in a hurricane during this. | ||
| This is a guy that just belittles people, vindictive, blames people. | ||
| He doesn't take responsibility for anything. | ||
| There's a smallness to him. | ||
| And it's all very funny. | ||
| It's all hilarious. | ||
| But when you talk about leading an organization, there's probably a lot of issues. | ||
| There's a lot of issues. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| The hair. | ||
| His hair is wild, man. | ||
| I kind of respect his hair. | ||
| Shower rules to be eased after Trump hair complaints. | ||
| What? | ||
| I don't even know what that means. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Talking about how much water comes out of a shower head and then dishwashers and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People make fun of him for that. | |
| Why doesn't he shave his head? | ||
| He'd look great. | ||
| He'd be free. | ||
| That hair is so much of his thing, dude. | ||
| It's chaos. | ||
| Yeah, it's chaos. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The hair is like his brain itself. | ||
| Oh, so shower heads, you can't take a shower. | ||
| The water doesn't come out. | ||
| You want to wash your hands, the water doesn't come out. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| You just stand there longer and you take a shower longer because my hair, I don't know about you, but it has to be perfect. | ||
| Perfect, he says. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Because my hair, I don't know about you, but it has to be perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| That's madness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what he should be focusing on right now. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| His hair. | ||
| He should be focusing on the hair and Bill Maher show. | ||
| Bill Maher looking gaunt. | ||
| Yeah, Bill Maher looking gaunt. | ||
| I mean, it'll be interesting to see these debates. | ||
| Are they going to have debates? | ||
| They're going to have some version. | ||
| I think Kamala is going to be like, I got this. | ||
| She's going to be good with Pence. | ||
| She's pretty good. | ||
| But him and Biden are going to be very interesting. | ||
| But I don't know how many people are going to watch. | ||
| I mean, I think a lot of people will watch, depending on the format. | ||
| I wonder how many they'll actually have. | ||
| I mean, they're not going to be able to be in the same room the way they used to be. | ||
| Remember when the Hillary thing was going on where he was circling behind her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was creepy. | ||
| Wild. | ||
| And then you remember the thing where he brought the five women to the debate to accuse Bill Clinton? | ||
| He's live right now and there's 72 people watching it. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is the White House's... | |
| 72 likes? | ||
| No, it can't be 72 people. | ||
| That's what that means. | ||
| That's YouTube suppressing their views. | ||
| This is their... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not YouTube. | |
| This is Periscope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can't be real. | |
| Can't be real. | ||
| This is the White House's Twitter. | ||
| Well, why don't you click on it again and see if it makes 73? | ||
| Refresh your browser. | ||
| Jamie's part of the problem. | ||
| You're part of the problem, Jamie. | ||
| Deep state. | ||
| I want to hear what he's saying. | ||
| Let's hear what he's saying. | ||
| What's he got? | ||
| You know, 500,000 applications coming in, going all over the state. | ||
| Nobody even knows where they came from. | ||
| You saw what happened in New York, which was a disaster with Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a basic disaster. | |
| It's mail-in voting. | ||
| And we can give you many other locations and sites. | ||
| What has happened is that's part of a big negotiation. | ||
| That's actually a small part of a big negotiation. | ||
| He likes to do this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Make it small. | ||
| Here's all the complicated stuff. | ||
| He brings it in. | ||
| It's a master. | ||
| He's like a master communicator, but he's not, but he is. | ||
| It's like a weird thing. | ||
| Told you that was likes. | ||
| It's 12,000 people. | ||
| But still. | ||
| I just clicked on it again. | ||
| Still, 12,000 people ain't shit. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| We can go live on YouTube and have 120,000 people in five seconds. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| I mean, he is... | ||
| It's been a wild... | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| I wonder about the kids that are growing up under him. | ||
| Like the young kids. | ||
| They have no idea about politics except for Trump. | ||
| Like they've never had any experience with anybody else. | ||
| This is what they know a president is. | ||
| And they're gonna vote for the first time when he's in office. | ||
| Like a lot of 15 year olds that were 15 when he got elected. | ||
| This is how a president talks. | ||
| That's why a lot of those kids are going to this just TikTok-y like dancing and nihilism and just being like, yeah, nothing means anything. | ||
| They're right. | ||
| It's also, I mean, imagine being a kid during the formative time of your life, the world gets shut down, you're stuck at home, and you can't even see your friends, you can't go to school, you gotta do school over a laptop. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| My kids go to school over laptops, and I've sat in the room and watched, and those teachers could, when no one's watching the teacher... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't care. | |
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They're so bad. | ||
| They're so apathetic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of them are great. | ||
| Some of them are enthusiastic. | ||
| I abolish teachers. | ||
| It's... | ||
| I said that on my podcast the other day. | ||
| I said, abolish teachers. | ||
| Defund and abolish. | ||
| Is that getting a lot of press? | ||
| Is it popular? | ||
| No, I tried to start a movement. | ||
| It failed. | ||
| But I said, if we're going to let people police themselves, let kids learn on their own, abolish teachers. | ||
| Okay, so no cops, no teachers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What else? | ||
| I mean, teachers have a much worse track record than cops, if you look at the numbers. | ||
| Well, they don't get paid as much as cops. | ||
| Well, but still, if cops were shooting as many people as teachers were failing... | ||
| I don't think it's that way. | ||
| You would have to make cops responsible for suicides, too, then. | ||
| But here's the whole thing. | ||
| Teachers, a lot of them are not doing a good job. | ||
| Yes, but a lot of kids aren't showing up. | ||
| Those are the education suicides. | ||
| I know, but I'm saying that if a lot of a group... | ||
| If we're going to broad brush a group... | ||
| I like to do that. | ||
| If we're going to broad brush cops, let's broad brush teachers. | ||
| Get rid of them, too. | ||
| Okay, who else do we get rid of? | ||
| Garbage people, take care of your own garbage. | ||
| No, we need them. | ||
| We need them. | ||
| Do we? | ||
| When people don't have a job? | ||
| It's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| How about that's where universal basic income comes from? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get rid of cops, t-shirts. | ||
| Firefighters, you never see a fire. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| I see fires all the time. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| Oh, in the hills? | ||
| I've been evacuated three times. | ||
| They take care of themselves. | ||
| The reality is, you never see a fire downtown in the city. | ||
| These guys put the sirens on, they're going to a movie. | ||
| They're liars. | ||
| Sometimes they go downtown. | ||
| They're white supremacists. | ||
| These firemen are white supremacists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about the black ones? | |
| Multiracial white supremacy. | ||
| Endemic white supremacy. | ||
| They don't even know. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't know. | ||
| I mean, there's very few good solutions. | ||
| With COVID, with this, it's like, we're going to live in an imperfect world. | ||
| We have to decide what version of an imperfect world is sustainable. | ||
| All right, president. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're the president. | ||
| President Tim Dillon. | ||
| What do we do next? | ||
| What do we do next? | ||
| If you took over right now. | ||
| We'd have to do a universal basic income for six months. | ||
| We'd have to do an eviction freeze probably. | ||
| Okay, where's the money come from? | ||
| We print it. | ||
| We've printed everything else. | ||
| Yeah, but you know how much money would be involved in universal basic income for how many millions of Americans? | ||
| Well, you could also do... | ||
| Well, it's a stimulus. | ||
| They're doing it right now with the stimulus, right? | ||
| I think the bigger problem is the eviction freeze. | ||
| You'd have to freeze evictions. | ||
| Gotta freeze that. | ||
| Gotta freeze that. | ||
| And mortgages as well. | ||
| Mortgages and rent. | ||
| Yes, freeze. | ||
| You know, I would do that. | ||
| I think that's the most... | ||
| But for how long? | ||
| How long do you freeze it for? | ||
| Four months? | ||
| Five months? | ||
| Six. | ||
| Six. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And then you would have to kind of open back up... | ||
| I would put all of the resources in energy. | ||
| There's not a coordinated federal response at Corona. | ||
| It's all state responses, which I understand makes sense to a certain degree because states are dealing with different things. | ||
| But there's been a lack of kind of a federal, I think, Like targeted response of like, here's what we hope happens. | ||
| Here's what we can... | ||
| Because I think right now people are just living without the idea of hope or the idea that something is going to get better or reopen. | ||
| And I think that like they need that. | ||
| And that needs to be on a federal level. | ||
| Like the country needs to go, hey, we're going to get moving again. | ||
| We're going to be able to travel internationally. | ||
| We're going to be able to do all these things we used to do. | ||
| Here's what needs to happen first. | ||
| And there doesn't seem to be a huge... | ||
| You know, push for that kind of clarity. | ||
| My real fear is the thing that we were talking about earlier, that businesses are not going to have enough money to reopen, and that money won't be available. | ||
| So how do you get the economy back on track? | ||
| Well, I think it's got to bottom out, probably. | ||
| And unfortunately, you've got to protect vulnerable people. | ||
| But the bottoming out, and I don't mean bottoming out completely, but... | ||
| The real estate value is being lowered. | ||
| All of these things happening. | ||
| It's going to be a years-long process. | ||
| I don't think it's immediate. | ||
| I think it's years. | ||
| And I think eventually what happens is you have a situation where, because of economic turmoil, you might have... | ||
| But yeah, the businesses you're talking about are probably fucked. | ||
| But those people might have a shot in three years when rents are lower and the cost of financing is potentially probably not lower, but maybe if we keep the cost of financing low. | ||
| I mean, that's the other thing. | ||
| Interest rates are going to creep up and it's just going to cost people a lot of A lot more money to borrow money. | ||
| So much of the economy is run on just this cheap credit that we've had since Obama and Schiff and all those guys explain it where it's just like it's a credit card and we're just basically borrowing money at close to no interest and businesses are expanding and people are able to get cars and go on vacations and get mortgages. | ||
| When those interest rates creep up, I mean, it's just a perfect storm of problems. | ||
| Jesus, damn. | ||
| It's a lot of problems. | ||
| I'm trying to end this on a happy note. | ||
| I mean, listen. | ||
| It's 33 o'clock. | ||
| I'm trying to like, let's wrap it up in a high note. | ||
| Here's the happiness. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Enjoy it. | ||
| It's over-enjoyed. | ||
| It's over-enjoyed, meaning that it's not going to end like, listen, we're going to limp through this somehow. | ||
| We're going to be broken and beaten and battered, but we're going to get through it. | ||
| We need a war with China. | ||
| We need another 9-11. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I hope the people that run us are thinking of those things, and I bet they are. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, we need a war with China. | ||
| A war with China will kill everybody. | ||
| We need a false flag that gets us into a war with China. | ||
| But a war with China kills everybody. | ||
| It kills a lot of people, but the rest of the people will open up coffee shops. | ||
| Glow-in-the-dark coffee. | ||
| Hey, it is what it is. | ||
| I mean, there's no good ways out of this. | ||
| I think we probably need a prolonged war with China. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And here's the other thing. | ||
| Before we leave, can I say this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Can I say this? | ||
| War with China, ding. | ||
| And I don't want that, but we need it. | ||
| Who's closer to get us into war with China, Joe Biden or Trump? | ||
| I think Trump looks like it, but I think no matter who wins, we're just going to need a war. | ||
| It could be a Cold War. | ||
| It doesn't have to be a hot war. | ||
| It could be a Cold War. | ||
| Oh, Cold War. | ||
| Fun Cold War. | ||
| Cold War. | ||
| They build a thing. | ||
| We build a thing. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah, we need that. | ||
| Because the whole economy is fake. | ||
| We need that. | ||
| Here's the other thing. | ||
| Derek Chauvin needs to get Epstein'd in prison. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| And here's why. | ||
| They're not going to convict him on murder, too, because it's going to be a hard time proving intent with that body cam footage. | ||
| So what about the body cam footage? | ||
| Well, I mean, I don't know if they can. | ||
| The body cam footage shows that this, you know, they have Floyd in the car and he's out. | ||
| I mean, listen, everything Chauvin did was disgusting and horrible. | ||
| And but I don't know if you're going to be able to prove to a jury that he intended to kill this guy, murder him, or he was subduing a suspect who was resisting arrest. | ||
| I mean, he wasn't resisting arrest. | ||
| Not at that moment, but he was like... | ||
| Listen, when someone's resisting arrest, when they stop resisting, you're supposed to stop leaning your knee on their neck. | ||
| No, everything he did was indefensible. | ||
| I'm just saying... | ||
| But that's murder, too, then. | ||
| If he dies from that... | ||
| Did he intend to kill him? | ||
| This is what... | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| It's intent. | ||
| So the reality is... | ||
| But that's crazy. | ||
| That's like if you stabbed someone, but you didn't intend to kill him. | ||
| Listen, I'm just saying he can't get off. | ||
| He cannot get off. | ||
| He can't get off. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| So, who was that guy that was Epstein's roommate? | ||
| The guy with the muscles? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He needs to go room with him. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He needs to go room with him, war with China. | ||
| The cop. | ||
| The big cop with the dogs. | ||
| That's what needs to happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These are the solutions, folks. | ||
| You may not like them, but they're the solutions. | ||
| Tim Dillon, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| War with China. | ||
| There's the guy. | ||
| He's got to kill that guy. | ||
| We've got to move on. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then we've got to invade China. | ||
| He looks like he's ready to go. | ||
| Thank you for having me. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| I love you, buddy. | ||
| I love you, too. | ||
| Thank you so much for everything. | ||
| It's always a pleasure. | ||
| It's crazy that I walked in here a little over a year ago, and I did this podcast, and I ended up moving. | ||
| It changed my whole fucking life. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| And you've done that for a lot of people, so thank you. | ||
| It's my pleasure. | ||
| Yeah, thank you so much. | ||
| That's one of my proudest things. | ||
| One of the things that makes me most happy about this podcast is that it helps people. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| It's always a fun time. | ||
| Thank you, brother. | ||
| Today was no different. | ||
| I love everybody. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Let's not go to war. |
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