May 29, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:42:44
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| What's up, man? | ||
| What's up, brother? | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| Good to see you, man. | ||
| Thank you so much for this amazing opportunity. | ||
| I couldn't sleep last night. | ||
| Oh, get out of here. | ||
| Yeah, no, I was excited. | ||
| I laid down my outfit and ironed it. | ||
| I'm like, you know, yeah, lint roller. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Dude, you and I have been friends for years. | ||
| You gotta relax. | ||
| But this is a big deal. | ||
| I mean, you're... | ||
| Try to get that shit out of your head. | ||
| Try to get that big deal out of your head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just clean it. | ||
| Clean it. | ||
| You got a big deal. | ||
| Tomorrow night, Showtime. | ||
| Well, when this airs, it'll be tonight. | ||
| Yeah, it'll be tonight. | ||
| Showtime! | ||
| My first one hour special. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I'm excited for you. | ||
| I've seen you working it out. | ||
| It's hilarious shit. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And I know you've been really grinding up until this pandemic. | ||
| But luckily you filmed it. | ||
| You got under the wire, right? | ||
| How many months out were you? | ||
| I filmed it November 2nd. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| So you missed it by a couple months. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Yeah, November 2nd I filmed it. | ||
| And, you know, people think I named the special Stay at Home Son because of what was going on. | ||
| But I landed on the title in the summer. | ||
| It's called Stay at Home? | ||
| Yeah, Stay at Home Son. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I, you know... | ||
| If I would've named it now, I would've put a comma right before the sun. | ||
| Really drove the point, but yeah, I was excited. | ||
| And yeah, my first one hour special, it's like one of those things where you dream about it as a kid, and here it is, and it's like, ooh. | ||
| How many years have you been doing stand-up now? | ||
| 13. Oh, that's good. | ||
| I started when I was 20, and I'm 33 now. | ||
| There's a thing that they say, I don't know who they are, but I say it too. | ||
| Who are they? | ||
| Who are they? | ||
| 10 years. | ||
| It takes 10 years to become a real comic. | ||
| That's what they always say. | ||
| I don't know why they say that. | ||
| Is it like the black belt? | ||
| It takes 10 years more or less to get a black belt and then the learning begins? | ||
| Well, you're always learning. | ||
| I think that learning begins stuff is kind of... | ||
| It's a weird way to say it because you're always learning. | ||
| I understand what they're saying. | ||
| It's like there's an expression. | ||
| I think it was either Dennis or Terrence McKenna said that when the bonfire of knowledge increases, the surface area of ignorance is exposed. | ||
| So the idea is that the more you know, the more you realize the possibilities and the less you really think you ever knew anything. | ||
| When you're young, your knowledge is so limited and your world is so small that you get cocky and you think... | ||
| Also, your brain's not fully formed. | ||
| You think... | ||
| You're way smarter than you really are. | ||
| But as you get older, the older I get, and the more I understand, I'm like, oh, this is all madness. | ||
| This whole thing is tied together with bubblegum and fucking shoestrings. | ||
| They could fall apart and fly off into the universe. | ||
| As I get older, I'm less confident in everything. | ||
| I'm more puzzled by everything. | ||
| And I think I know way less. | ||
| The more I know. | ||
| I know way more than I knew when I was 18. But I'm way less confident... | ||
| Yeah, that's absolutely true. | ||
| The older I get, I seem to just even doubt myself more because I'm like, what do I know? | ||
| I guess even in stand-up, when you first start out and you have those first few minutes, you're like, oh no, this is funny. | ||
| And then with time, you're like, that was not funny at all. | ||
| So it's like you hold things less dear. | ||
| It's not like your first five minutes, you're like, oh man, this is... | ||
| You know, late night show, here we come, and it's just like, looking back, I couldn't believe I was doing that. | ||
| But that's how I tricked myself into doing new material. | ||
| It's like, I imagine that this is day one of stand-up for me, and this is the only material I got, and I think it's hilarious. | ||
| And I go up there and I try to do it, as if I'm starting out, and I think that's the only material I have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's a good way to do it, man. | ||
| I mean, I think the method that guys are doing now, like, I guess, like, Louie probably started it off. | ||
| Because Louis was doing one a year for a little bit. | ||
| I think that's too much. | ||
| I think it's too much one a year. | ||
| But something happened around that time where I think, I believe Louis C.K. was probably one of the big reasons why people started doing a lot of really regular specials. | ||
| Because if he wasn't the top guy, he was certainly at the top. | ||
| And you've got to remember that this is when Chris Rock took that self-imposed exile, just decided to not really do shows, except whenever he wanted to, for like 10 years. | ||
| So during that time, Louis really came up. | ||
| And Louis, when he was at its peak, was doing a stand-up special every year. | ||
| And I think even he thinks that they weren't as good as they could have been if he gave it two years or three years. | ||
| But then everybody started doing that so throw your material out and then the the number if you go back I bet I bet if we had like a chart that show the number of stand-up specials made like when the internet became really popular in like the 2000s and then things started getting on the internet like YouTube clips Everything just ramped up everything in a big way the not just a sheer volume and everybody does the same thing now you abandon your material and then you do all new stuff and And I think Louis C.K. during that time too, | ||
| he disrupted the business model of introducing the $5 special. | ||
| So it became something that was like, hey, you can self-produce it, put it out there. | ||
| There's no middleman exactly. | ||
| But I feel like throwing away the hour every year seems to be like what comics do overseas from what I understand. | ||
| Like the Edinburgh Fest, they go in, they do the... | ||
| They do the themes, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, they do kind of like... | ||
| Have you been? | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| I would like to experience that, but I think American comics really honed this special for years, you know? | ||
| And it takes so long to get the first one and then in between, but now it's like, you know, like you said, it happens a lot more. | ||
| Everybody's doing it now. | ||
| Ari loves that Edinburgh. | ||
| He says it right, too. | ||
| I say it wrong. | ||
| Edinburgh? | ||
| Edinburgh. | ||
| Do you know how? | ||
| No, it's kind of a Scottish extra like Edinburgh. | ||
| Edinburgh. | ||
| Edinburgh. | ||
| Yeah, but they do themes apparently. | ||
| I haven't been, but the way Ari describes it, it's like, you know, to do a theme on childhood. | ||
| So like this whole hour, they'll write over the year and it'll be dedicated to childhood. | ||
| No, then they'll go perform it at, you know, a special and then the next year they have a new theme. | ||
| It's like they favor the one-man show kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But they have their own versions of it, right? | ||
| There's like the Eddie Ift version, or Eddie Izzard, rather. | ||
| Eddie Ift. | ||
| Eddie Ift. | ||
| The Australian version. | ||
| Eddie Ift. | ||
| You know Eddie, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, of course. | ||
| American. | ||
| American. | ||
| Does a lot of stand-up in Australia. | ||
| But the Eddie Izzard, excuse me, his version of it is different than, say, like... | ||
| Like, who's the... | ||
| Ricky Gervais, I would say, is like the top dog, right, that's over here in America from England, and he does pretty much American-style stand-up, wouldn't you say? | ||
| Would you say that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Pretty much American-style. | ||
| I mean, he hosts shows here, so it's more in tune and in sync with what we gravitate towards here in the States, I believe. | ||
| Well, he's also a very brave social commentator. | ||
| When some shit's going down, he's usually got a hot take, and it's usually controversial but usually correct. | ||
| He's got balls. | ||
| He's a critical thinker. | ||
| I put him in that category, and I think a lot of comedians have this critical thinking mind. | ||
| I'm not one of those. | ||
| I'm more of the goofier side of things. | ||
| But in the spectrum of comedy, I think there's like Gervais and, you know, it's like Chappelle and yourself that kind of dissect, you know, a certain element of a premise, you know, it's like they walk down an alley and they flash the flashlight on the tangents and explore it. | ||
| It's almost like a modern day philosopher. | ||
| I feel like, you know, back then they would go to the plaza, talk, you know, these points out. | ||
| But now it's like it's comedy. | ||
| Well, one thing I've noticed, in particular in these last couple of months, when we haven't been able to do stand-up, first of all, some people are figuring out how to do it anyway. | ||
| Andrew Schultz got it nailed. | ||
| Andrew nailed it. | ||
| He's got it nailed. | ||
| Nailed it. | ||
| He's absolutely making the most. | ||
| They're so fun to watch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd be turning the phone before he tells me to turn it. | ||
| Like, that's how excited I am real quick. | ||
| Dude, he's put out some fucking amazing ones. | ||
| That one on Joe Biden was just epic. | ||
| It was epic. | ||
| I didn't see that one. | ||
| Oh my God, how Biden's the perfect president for right now because the world is fucking crazy. | ||
| I did see that. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's like he's writing these pieces and then he's doing a different thing because the comedy clubs aren't available, which is where he would be working all this stuff out in the comedy club. | ||
| So instead of just waiting, he said, no, I'm going to just do it and I'm going to make this content and just make it so good I don't even need an audience. | ||
| Everything's rapid fire. | ||
| Monologue. | ||
| He's having fun. | ||
| You can tell he's being silly and having fun. | ||
| They're great, man. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| It's presented perfectly. | ||
| Yeah, everything about it, it's impeccable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| And my boy Tim Dillon, his shit that he's been doing during this pandemic, it's been some of the best. | ||
| I saw the one you posted yesterday, hysterical. | ||
| Oh my god, he's an animal. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| And he's so prolific. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| He's always working, always doing something. | ||
| Yeah, he's bulletproof for sure. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's so funny and just the sweetest guy ever. | ||
| He's the best guy. | ||
| And I think that there's a real hope for the future stand-up, knowing that in this dangerous time, guys like that are still out there swinging from the hips, like throwing bombs. | ||
| Andrew Schultz throws bombs. | ||
| He's saying the shit... | ||
| In these videos that he would say if you guys were just hanging out. | ||
| He's like, fuck it. | ||
| This is what's funny. | ||
| I feel like that liberty can be taken now because there's no network in the forefront. | ||
| It's his channel. | ||
| He can take those risks. | ||
| He's not worried about getting let go, per se, of anything. | ||
| But there is some kind of repercussion on social media. | ||
| Social media, people are adding him and stuff like that, reaching out. | ||
| But not that it matters. | ||
| He does the comedy he wants to do, and I think that's satisfying as a comic to see. | ||
| It's the only way he could do it. | ||
| He's one of those dudes. | ||
| He's an all-in. | ||
| Marches to the beat of his own drum. | ||
| There's guys that'll step into... | ||
| Traditionally, comics have been kind of lazy. | ||
| A lot of us are alcoholics. | ||
| A lot of us gamble. | ||
| A lot of us sleep late and irresponsible and... | ||
| And for the longest time before all these specials were getting produced, a lot of guys were doing the same material forever. | ||
| Just kept doing it forever and ever and ever. | ||
| Well now you're forced into this position where you can't really do that when there's no shows. | ||
| So who steps up and who does stuff and picks up the pace of the stuff that they're doing online? | ||
| And that's where Schultz has come in, Tim Dillon, and a lot of these guys are doing that. | ||
| Fahim, he does a lot of hilarious... | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| He's so funny, man. | ||
| So unique. | ||
| Fahim Anwar has a bunch of great shit with him, having conversations with him. | ||
| Yeah, he's so funny. | ||
| And again, he recognizes that he can write his own stuff and just puts it out there. | ||
| It's done very simple, like, editing-wise. | ||
| Yeah, it's all phones. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| He's one of the guys that I love watching at the store, Fahim. | ||
| Jamar Neighbors. | ||
| Dude, no one's ever done the Instagram better than Kyle Dunnigan. | ||
| I've said that before, I'll say it again till the day I die. | ||
| That motherfucker... | ||
| Goes in? | ||
| Oh my god, have you paid attention to his face swaps? | ||
| Have you ever watched the Kyle Dunnigan shit? | ||
| You've never seen Kyle Dunn and shit? | ||
| I gotta follow him. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta follow him. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| He's got a bit where Bill Maher is in a gangbang, and you can't breathe when you watch it. | ||
| It's so preposterous. | ||
| It is so preposterous, and it's that really bad face swap, which makes it better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because when it's too, like, Dr. Fakenstein or the Fakening, those guys are scary. | ||
| They're scary. | ||
| Yeah, it's not fun. | ||
| They do it so good, it's like, what?! | ||
| That's Trump's face on a baby. | ||
| How'd you do that? | ||
| This stuff looks whack. | ||
| It's wobbly and shit, but it's like South Park. | ||
| It doesn't have to be realistic, and the fact that it's not realistic adds to why it's so funny. | ||
| You're not attached when Kenny dies every episode. | ||
| He's not like a real little kid with his head goes flying off. | ||
| That'll be fucked up. | ||
| There's something satisfying comedically when you see the production value not at 100%. | ||
| It's like we almost accept it more. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'll allow things to get through your filter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because, like, Cartman, he doesn't look like a person. | ||
| He looks like, you know, you understand that that's who... | ||
| Like a little kid drew it. | ||
| Words are coming out of that. | ||
| So that is the thing. | ||
| But when that thing dies, there's no emotional connection. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because it's not a real thing. | ||
| It's not like a squirrel. | ||
| You see a squirrel get hit by a car like, ah, fucking little guy. | ||
| But if you see Kenny get killed, there's nothing. | ||
| You're like, alright, I can't wait for next episode, kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the squirrel might come back as a butterfly. | ||
| It might be a good death. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It might be a good passage for him. | ||
| That's what's great with cartoons, you know? | ||
| It's like, all of that's like, yeah, it doesn't harm. | ||
| Bro, imagine if that was really what life was. | ||
| Like, you started off as a single-celled thing, and then that died, and the next life you come back as a multi-celled organism, and then that dies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then you work your way through the worm world, the insect world, the spider world. | ||
| What if we're at the end of a long process that started, not just biologically started with the first single-celled organisms, but that's a graduation that the life form has to go through? | ||
| I think that would be cool. | ||
| Sounds dumb, because I am, but... | ||
| I think it would be cool, and if people had an idea that that's what was happening, I think people would be a lot more mindful. | ||
| You'd be like... | ||
| Because you would experience every level along the way. | ||
| It would mean something to be at the level that we're at, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People wouldn't take life for granted as much because it's like, man, I have to go through every step of the way to get to here. | ||
| You see what I'm saying? | ||
| Well, you also run into people that seem like they got a fucked up roll of the dice from the start. | ||
| Like, almost like they're starting out life at a deficit from another life. | ||
| Like, they owe money on their past life. | ||
| Like, they fucked their past life up so bad, they're coming back in this one, they're doing their best, but... | ||
| Yeah, you should've paid the tickets off, bro. | ||
| And then there's other people that believe shit that's even weirder. | ||
| And all this shit's weird, right? | ||
| Because here's what's weird. | ||
| Just what we know is true. | ||
| People have sex, they make babies, those babies live to be a certain time and then they die. | ||
| And they have sex and they have babies and then we just all keep doing this. | ||
| But everybody's living like they're living forever. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| Is it so crazy that you do this same life over and over and over again until you get it right? | ||
| Is that crazy? | ||
| I don't think it's crazy. | ||
| It's almost satisfying because it's like, oh, I have another shot at doing it right because this one wasn't what I wanted it to be. | ||
| I think that mind fucks you. | ||
| If you really knew that that was true, you'd be so mind fucked. | ||
| I don't know if you'd be able to live in the moment. | ||
| Yeah, because you would be so concerned and like, yeah, I got other lives. | ||
| I'm not worried about it. | ||
| Well, not just that, but you would be thinking like, what's the point? | ||
| It's just, I'm just going to do this forever and ever and ever? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, am I cool with that? | ||
| Do you think the human mind wants like a kind of a... | ||
| A structure. | ||
| An ending. | ||
| Like they want to, like an ending. | ||
| I want to know how this ends. | ||
| Well, this is how you have to look at it. | ||
| This is how, no, you don't have to look at it this way. | ||
| But from, this is how I look at it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the way I'll look at it, Joe. | ||
| We exist in these shifts that we all agree are necessary, like sleep. | ||
| So we have on and off, and on and off, and nobody violates that. | ||
| No one gets to not go off. | ||
| On and off. | ||
| You could hold off for a long time, two days, I've been up for 48 hours, boom, and you go down. | ||
| You might go down for 12 hours. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We all agree that this is a part of this thing that we do so I Think we take comfort in like Having markers like oh, it's lunchtime. | ||
| Oh, it's dinner time Let's watch a show and then I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed and you know it gets to you get to these markers where they're in your head and it kind of makes life make sense like oh, you're just looking forward to the next thing and looking forward to the next thing but If you knew for a fact that this life goes on forever, forever and ever and ever, it could go on a million eons. | ||
| You got to get it right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If this life doesn't give a fuck what the 1950s were like or what kind of cars people drove in the 70s, this life doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| It's just going to do the same thing again. | ||
| Over and over again. | ||
| Over and over and over and over again. | ||
| Yeah, there's some kind of, yeah, maddening kind of That's crazy. | ||
| What if it's even worse? | ||
| Talk to me, Joe. | ||
| What if you start off as a single-celled organism again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you've got to work your way all the way through. | ||
| Like, yeah, reincarnation's real, but it takes millions of years. | ||
| What if reincarnation is real? | ||
| What if you get to the top of the game and then, boom, start off as a bug. | ||
| And you go through the whole thing all over again. | ||
| Until you become you again. | ||
| The exact same you, confronted by the exact same situations with different outcomes. | ||
| Maybe like a hint. | ||
| Like something in the back of your head. | ||
| Like, hey man, I think we've done this before. | ||
| Don't do it this time. | ||
| Hey man, don't run that yellow light! | ||
| It's too long, Jesus! | ||
| Don't run that yellow! | ||
| Boom! | ||
| But that's what makes it interesting, is to have a recollection of the previous, you know? | ||
| That's what would change and, you know... | ||
| A nine fucker's too hard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes I feel like you do. | ||
| You have something. | ||
| Because we know that, like, dogs have, like, serious instincts, man. | ||
| Like, crazy instincts that are built in. | ||
| They all have them. | ||
| Like, where's that coming from? | ||
| Where are they getting the information? | ||
| Why do they know to smell piss? | ||
| Why do they know to pee on the spot that another dog did? | ||
| Like, I didn't have to teach my dog that. | ||
| They all do it. | ||
| Every dog does it. | ||
| It's like, where is that information? | ||
| What is happening to that dog that wants to do that? | ||
| And where's it getting that from? | ||
| I think it's getting it through its genetics. | ||
| It's getting it through its ancestors. | ||
| So there's some sort of a memory or programming that the ancestors have left in the thing. | ||
| It's not a blank slate. | ||
| Dogs are not blank slates. | ||
| I mean, they say everything has some kind of level of programming. | ||
| Even plants at the molecular level, they say they have kind of like a binary code in there, if you look deep down inside. | ||
| I've read stuff online, and it's like, I kind of believe that. | ||
| It's all part of some kind of program of some sort. | ||
| Well, they know plants communicate in these really weird ways. | ||
| Yeah, they use the mycelium. | ||
| I think that's what it's called. | ||
| They use, essentially, fungus. | ||
| In the dirt and the soil that they live in, they transmit data from plants to plants. | ||
| And if there's a group of plants, like a community of plants, and one of them needs more resources, like if it needs more water, they'll allocate more water to that plant. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| Weird stuff. | ||
| They've shown that it really does benefit their growth if you play music near them. | ||
| Like classical music and talking to plants, like all that wacky hippie shit. | ||
| That shit works. | ||
| I remember there was a... | ||
| Am I making that up? | ||
| I'm not, right? | ||
| No, that's real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Okay, that seems like one of those ones that I could get called out on. | ||
| I remember reading this case study. | ||
| It was in college, but... | ||
| So there was a doctor who had water, right? | ||
| And before he froze the water, he would... | ||
| One, he would say nice things. | ||
| The next one, he would say really mean, obscene things. | ||
| And then he would freeze it, and then the pattern of which the ice would kind of crystallize, like the one he said mean things to, like the ice would crystallize in a very dissonant way, like the pattern didn't look proper. | ||
| And then the one where he said all these nice things, it was a very beautiful, repetitive, organic thing. | ||
| Crystallization happening. | ||
| If that's true, and I don't think it is, because I'm pretty sure they debunked that. | ||
| But that's one of those ones that I have to be real careful with because I'm wishing for it to be true. | ||
| Like I hear shit like that and I go, well that would be dope if you could see that like thoughts and feelings actually come out in your words and they affect physical objects. | ||
| But I think I read that that was debunked. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Yeah, but I think it's one of those things... | ||
| Because it's long believed. | ||
| It's almost like the quantum leaping. | ||
| I've read stuff like that where you put your intentions in the water, and at its earlier roots, it's kind of like when we have a shot of whiskey, it's like, hey, cheers, and it's putting to your good health. | ||
| Yeah, to a positive intention in motion, and you feel it. | ||
| You definitely feel that, right? | ||
| That's interesting because I think we inherently know that it's a real thing. | ||
| You feel it, so that's, I think, one of the reasons why we want to see it. | ||
| That's why we would think that seeing it in the ice crystals would be cool. | ||
| Yeah, it's like under a microscope when he saw the ice, it's like you could see that design. | ||
| But, I mean, you know, 80% of our body is water. | ||
| It's like to think that there's not some kind of like living thing that it's affected by emotion and reactive to our words, which go into plants, you know? | ||
| Yeah, because we know those feelings. | ||
| Like when you run into someone that is mad at you or someone who's said something bad about you, that feeling, it's like, mm, ooh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if you see someone that you miss, like, oh, what's up? | ||
| There's that feeling, you know? | ||
| The feeling that you get when a great song comes on, you know that feeling? | ||
| Where it's like everything fucking charges up, you're like, yeah! | ||
| Yeah, it changes your mood, hence a workout playlist, you know? | ||
| Yes, exactly, exactly. | ||
| So I think sound and the sound that one can make, it's like the language could be different, but I think the vibration that stems from here, there's something that happens between here and here when it comes out, it affects people. | ||
| It's like you can have somebody not speak the language and yell at you to know that, oh, this guy's pissed. | ||
| Or just give you that look and you're like, ooh, I better get out of here. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| If someone's mad at you and they're speaking some language you don't know, it's almost like pure. | ||
| You feel it like an energy. | ||
| I don't know what this guy's saying, but I get his intentions. | ||
| His intentions are very obvious, despite the language gap. | ||
| Yeah, and to bring it full circle, even dogs. | ||
| I have a phobia of dogs. | ||
| I have a terrible phobia of dogs. | ||
| I'm better now, but I got attacked when I was younger. | ||
| But I can tell you that dogs... | ||
| They sense it. | ||
| I've been bit multiple times, unfortunately, and it keeps happening, but it's because of my nervous energy. | ||
| They pick it up. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Like, hey, what's up? | ||
| And then they're charging at me. | ||
| They smell cancer. | ||
| They've taught dogs to smell cancer, which is just so crazy. | ||
| They take cancer and put it in test tubes, and the dog will run down the aisle. | ||
| I was going to say, yeah, they were trying to teach dogs to smell cancer. | ||
| People that had COVID symptoms. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| At the airport. | ||
| How would they do that? | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| How COVID-y would you have to be for the dog to smell it? | ||
| I think they were trying. | ||
| I don't know if they were successful. | ||
| Because doesn't everybody have, like, a few cancerous cells and your body breaks down those cancerous cells? | ||
| I think that's the key, is that, like, when you get, like, really ill with cancer, your body's just not stopping the reproduction of these damaged cells. | ||
| So I think if the dog can smell it, they can always smell it when you got like real cancer, not like what normal people, the amount of cancerous cells people have in them. | ||
| Like how many cells can they smell? | ||
| I have a theory that the dogs, like the smell that they're trained to smell, it's like there's something in the sweat. | ||
| It's like in somebody's sweat that radiates either the smell of, you know, when somebody's diabetic or when somebody, you know, it's like they have, or high blood pressure, they have these dogs to kind of pick that up. | ||
| You know, there's a very specific smell to somebody when they're diabetic or in this case, COVID, you probably exert some kind of smell. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| They can tell when people have a diabetic attack, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or when somebody is about to get a panic attack, there's a certain level of perspiration that the body provides to warn it. | ||
| It's a... | ||
| You know, when somebody faints, you know, they start to sweat and that's a mechanism that the body does to help you wake up, you know, your body goes cold after. | ||
| So it's a certain level of sweat, you know, it's like, you know, we drink coffee, we go to the restroom, we smell when we go number one, take a piss, like, oh yeah, I drank coffee earlier. | ||
| The weirdest is asparagus. | ||
| Asparagus is like, yikes. | ||
| I shouldn't be eating this. | ||
| The fuck's this too into my piss? | ||
| It's instant too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right away. | ||
| One little piece. | ||
| I know, isn't that crazy? | ||
| Like, how is it so instant? | ||
| Like, you chew that asparagus, and within five minutes, you're peeing asparagus smell. | ||
| It's like, now I'm peeing radiator fluid. | ||
| How is it going through that quick? | ||
| How quick does that stuff work? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The body's fascinating. | ||
| Well, life is fascinating. | ||
| You know, it's just like this is what we're peering at life through. | ||
| We're peering at life through the lens of being a human being. | ||
| But all of it is fascinating, man. | ||
| I go down these nature video rabbit holes. | ||
| Usually it's like one of those nature is metal Instagram posts that gets me. | ||
| Oh, that account is gnarly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gnarly. | |
| You can't watch that before going to bed. | ||
| I'm up. | ||
| I'm like, oh boy. | ||
| No, I made a mistake of watching these. | ||
| I think they're wild dogs tear apart this. | ||
| It was like some sort of antelope. | ||
| They had disemboweled and they were spinning around. | ||
| It was either hyenas or wild dogs. | ||
| They're tearing this thing apart while it's alive. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Whoa, daddy. | ||
| Yeah, there was one where I saw that they were like biting the leg, the butt, the neck, and the animals still fighting for life. | ||
| And the hyenas didn't care. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| They just eat you. | ||
| They eat you while you're alive. | ||
| Dude, we are so divorced from what nature is. | ||
| We're so separate from it. | ||
| We're so delusional. | ||
| We're so delusional that people try to get closer to the scarier animals to take pictures with them. | ||
| Not thinking that they're on the menu. | ||
| Big ass giant bears and that lady in South Carolina that got eaten by the alligator. | ||
| She was trying to take a selfie with the alligator. | ||
| Yeah, she was trying to get close to the alligator and just fucking ate her. | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| Years ago, do you remember this story where this woman was doing a safari and she got out of the van because there was some argument? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And the lion or tiger was waiting. | ||
| That was in China. | ||
| She got mad. | ||
| I believe it was in China. | ||
| She got mad, stepped out of her car and was yelling. | ||
| And then someone gets out of the car to talk to her. | ||
| Come on, get back in the car. | ||
| And then this fucking tiger comes up, just snatches her and drags her away. | ||
| And what was fucked up is it wasn't even her that died. | ||
| It was actually her mom that died. | ||
| Her mom went after her with the tiger and then the tiger killed her. | ||
| Oh, so the first girl got away and then, oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think she was just in an argument with somebody. | ||
| Yeah, and it's like for the tiger, it's like a hot pocket. | ||
| As soon as the doors open, they're done. | ||
| They can't help themselves. | ||
| This is my number one problem with the zoo. | ||
| You can't just feed them. | ||
| Because they don't want that. | ||
| They want to kill things. | ||
| So you've turned them into couch potatoes. | ||
| They're going to live, and they're going to die, and you're going to feed them meat, which means that animals have to die. | ||
| If you want to not be cruel, you should have those animals kill animals. | ||
| That's what it should be. | ||
| It should be like they are in the wild, or as close to it as it can get. | ||
| And you can't just feed them meat on a tray and expect them to be happy. | ||
| Psychologically, they lose something, right? | ||
| They get depressed. | ||
| It's a mammal instinct to work for something. | ||
| Yeah, they're designed to go chase shit and kill it. | ||
| Here it says, the lady said... | ||
| I don't look like a deer and move closer to the alligator apparently trying to touch it the 10-foot alligator estimated 400 to 500 pounds then attack covert who officials said was five feet tall and 100 pounds this crazy lady Decided that she was going to Touch a fucking alligator It's not even her fault. | ||
| People don't get it drilled into their head what an alligator actually is. | ||
| There's dinosaurs that live amongst us. | ||
| It's not just an alligator. | ||
| You give it a name and then it's in your head. | ||
| Oh, there's the alligator. | ||
| Oh, there's an alligator. | ||
| That's a fucking giant reptile. | ||
| Put that back up again so I can read that one part of it. | ||
| It is a giant reptile. | ||
| And they have no brain. | ||
| They have this tiny little fucking brain. | ||
| The animal latched onto Covert's leg and began pulling her into the water. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
| Witnesses ran to the water's edge, tried rescuing her. | ||
| A neighbor brought the rope that was used to try to pull Covert safely back to the shore. | ||
| Amid the rescue attempt, witnesses report Covert very calmly saying, I guess I won't do this again. | ||
| She was pulled underwater moments later. | ||
| Witnesses said Covert never even screamed during the attack. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| She's probably in shock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's probably in full shock. | ||
| It happened so quick. | ||
| I mean, those things move so dang quick. | ||
| Alligators still holding on by the leg. | ||
| Her body was finally surfaced across the pond with the alligator still holding her by the leg. | ||
| It quickly dragged her back underwater, Deputy said. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| When the alligator resurfaced with Covert's body again, a deputy fired several shots from his 9mm service pistol, killing the alligator and allowing the first responders to retrieve Covert's body, according to the sheriff's office. | ||
| So that cop killed a monster that ate a lady that just lives in the neighborhood. | ||
| Like, here's the thing. | ||
| We get used to the fact that alligators live places. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So it's not a big deal. | ||
| You know, oh yeah, there's an alligator. | ||
| If you live in Florida, like I lived in Gainesville for a bit, I saw alligators all the time. | ||
| You see them. | ||
| If there was no alligators, and then all of a sudden there was alligators, we'd want to kill them all. | ||
| If alligators came from outer space, like a fucking UFO filled with crocodiles, came from outer space and just started eating swimmers, we'd be like, we've got to gun these fucking things down. | ||
| We've got to kill them. | ||
| They're going to eat people. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But they were already there. | ||
| But they're already there. | ||
| So we're like, oh, Florida Gators. | ||
| Go Gators! | ||
| Go Gators! | ||
| Go people eating monsters. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| And you see footage of golf courses with these alligators just chilling. | ||
| Chilling. | ||
| And people are laughing. | ||
| Look, he's right there. | ||
| Dude, a baby got eaten by one at Disneyland last year. | ||
| A baby. | ||
| They got alligators at Disneyland? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dude, they have to fucking chase them away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I went there. | ||
| I went there with my family, and my youngest daughter and I went fishing. | ||
| We went out onto this lake, and we're going bass fishing. | ||
| It was really fun. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Florida's like the best bass fishing in the world. | ||
| But everywhere you look, is that a log? | ||
| Is that a gator? | ||
| Is that a log? | ||
| Is that a gator? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that a log or a fucking dinosaur that's going to eat me? | ||
| Like, bro, they get huge. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Like 15 feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's common. | ||
| That's not like a, oh, yeah. | ||
| Normal. | ||
| That's a normal thing? | ||
| Normal shit. | ||
| It happens all the time. | ||
| There was one, we went back and forth on this, Jamie, that was, we couldn't find it at first, the one where the alligator was stopped traffic. | ||
| Bro, it's crazy. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| It's, well, they're all crazy, but it's crazy. | ||
| It's like, you hear you are driving your car, and this, I don't give a fuck dinosaur is just walking across the street. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, hey, they're building cities in their neighborhood. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| The real thing is they're overpopulated. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| What the fuck, bro? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You imagine you're on your way to your car. | |
| What are you doing? | ||
| Baby, come on. | ||
| You know, you got like a pack of gum and a fucking Diet Coke and you're looking for your keys and you look and 15 feet away from you, that thing is walking across the median. | ||
| What? | ||
| Some poor guy twirling a sign going, I'm gonna go inside for a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that prehistoric monster. | |
| Like, just look how it walks. | ||
| What a ruthless, heartless monster. | ||
| Someone sent me a video. | ||
| I'm trying to find it to show you, but there were two alligators fighting in the middle of a residential street, and one got the other by the head. | ||
| The video, these guys are filming for four or five minutes. | ||
| One guy goes and tries to grab the tail to pull them apart. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| All muscle, too. | ||
| What's interesting is the alligator is the calmer of the species, and because it's the calmer of the species, it allows it to live alongside people, and people tolerate it. | ||
| Because you see an alligator, and keep playing that because it's freaking me out. | ||
| Yeah, I just want to see him move. | ||
| We tolerate that. | ||
| But we won't tolerate crocodiles. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because you can't. | ||
| Because crocodiles just kill everything they find. | ||
| Crocodiles kill people every day. | ||
| Every time they're around people, they try to kill them. | ||
| Alligators will let most things slide. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons, I think, why they made it this long. | ||
| They have a different attitude about things. | ||
| They're less aggressive. | ||
| The crocodile is too much of a threat, and the balance of the ecosystem is so fucked up. | ||
| Somebody released, because Florida's crazy, somebody released a couple of Nile crocodiles in the Everglades, and a biologist found them, and they issued a shoot on sight. | ||
| Just kill them. | ||
| You have to kill them. | ||
| You can't let them survive. | ||
| If you see a Nile crocodile, because if they take hold, and they start taking up Real estate in the Everglades and breeding, breeding populations of Nile crocodiles in that fucking already unmanageable shithole of pythons. | ||
| Dunzo. | ||
| Imagine if there was a spot in Florida that's just filled with monsters, just call it monster soup. | ||
| Fuck calling it the Everglades. | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Oh, 20-foot pythons and Nile crocodiles. | ||
| There was a crocodile or- Oh shit! | ||
| Look at this! | ||
| An alligator is swimming in a Texas lake with a knife in its head. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
| Sugar Land. | ||
| And the guy who tried to stab him in the head with the knife inside his stomach. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's gone. | ||
| Look at that knife. | ||
| It's deep in its head too. | ||
| See, that's what I'm saying, man. | ||
| You can't have something in your community that could just swim around with a knife in its head and be fine with it. | ||
| You know, every other animal would be freaked out. | ||
| Just like, hey, what's up, guys? | ||
| What's that on your head, Bob? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| If a raccoon had a knife in its head, it'd be like, trying to pull that fucking knife out of its head. | ||
| Where'd you get the hat, Bob? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Some guy gave it to me. | ||
| Yeah, that thing's just swimming around. | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| I can't see. | ||
| There was an alligator in a park out in, what is it, Harbor City? | ||
| There's like a little park. | ||
| I forget the name of the park, but somebody had dumped one in there or something like that. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| And it was just taking down ducks. | ||
| It was like a bunch of ducks go there and it was just taking down ducks. | ||
| And I guess the family spotted it and they closed down the park until they got it out and they did some mitigation there with the swamp to clean it up because it was filthy. | ||
| People were throwing stuff in there. | ||
| Did you see the video from Mexico of the cartel guy had a tiger and the tiger got loose? | ||
| No. | ||
| And these dudes are chasing the tiger down the street. | ||
| They're chasing them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yes. | ||
| They're on this road with a lasso. | ||
| These fucking Mexican cowboy dudes. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And they're trying to lasso this tiger. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, they got a tiger and they lassoed it. | ||
| And see, again, if the tiger gets upset and just decides to jump on one of them, it's game over. | ||
| It's game over. | ||
| Look at homeboy. | ||
| This recently happened? | ||
| Yes, man. | ||
| It happened last week. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Last week-ish? | ||
| Yeah, I was going around on Twitter. | ||
| One guy with a chair and shorts. | ||
| He showed up to work. | ||
| Look at these cowboys. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| This guy's got a chair in front of him. | ||
| You think that's going to help you, bitch? | ||
| Oh my god, look at the size of that thing. | ||
| Look, he lassoed it. | ||
| Bro, those fucking cowboys are bad ass. | ||
| Do you know what kind of a badass you got to be to throw a fucking lasso around a tiger's neck on a street in what city? | ||
| Yeah, what part of it? | ||
| Guadalajara. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Guadalajara. | |
| That's where my mom's from. | ||
| Hysterical. | ||
| Guadalajara. | ||
| Someone's got a tiger. | ||
| Imagine getting that call from the boss. | ||
| It's like, hey, I need you to go get my tiger. | ||
| What? | ||
| What the fuck did you just say, bro? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| I don't know why people want those kind of pets. | ||
| It's not something that you can tame. | ||
| It's wild people. | ||
| Like Mike Tyson, when he was champ, he had tigers. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| We had a hilarious conversation about it. | ||
| He was about a horse first, right? | ||
| He was trying to get a horse, and then the guy said, if you want, I can get you a tiger. | ||
| He's like, you get me a tiger? | ||
| Something like that, yeah. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Tyson? | ||
| Yeah, Tyson. | ||
| I love that Tyson is into pigeons. | ||
| Like, that's one of my favorite—that's my favorite animal. | ||
| I'm just so enamored with pigeons, and they're like, you know, they say the rats of the sky, but, man, they're so resilient. | ||
| Like, they're not supposed to thrive the way they do when they do. | ||
| Yeah, they're an invasive species. | ||
| They're actually from Europe. | ||
| I think they're from Europe. | ||
| Might be Asia. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But a pigeon was brought over here for food. | ||
| They were brought over here. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, you know what squab is? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Have you heard of it? | ||
| Like the meal squab? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's on menus, like fancy places. | ||
| It's pigeon. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, they're saying, oh, squab is on the menu. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| That's a pigeon. | ||
| The fine Chardonnay. | ||
| Squab is just pigeon. | ||
| Yeah, I love pigeons. | ||
| There's something about pigeons. | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's true. | ||
| I think squab's like a baby pigeon, as like lamb is a baby sheep. | ||
| Watch it be goat chest meat. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| A young, unfledged pigeon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| So it is like veal, but the pigeon version of veal. | ||
| That's weird, man. | ||
| That's the one animal. | ||
| It's like pigeons. | ||
| I love pigeons. | ||
| I love goats. | ||
| But it's good to know that you can kill them and eat them. | ||
| Yeah, people eat them for sure. | ||
| People eat them quite a bit. | ||
| Bro, rats eat them. | ||
| You ever see the video of the rat eating a pigeon in New York City? | ||
| New York rats are resilient. | ||
| I've now seen a rat eat a slice of pizza, a pigeon. | ||
| Dude, the rats killing and eating a pigeon. | ||
| You know, they're going to rat war right now. | ||
| There's a rat war going on in New York City. | ||
| I hope someone's documenting this. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Because for the first time ever, rats don't have a steady food supply. | ||
| So all these rats... | ||
| People aren't out there. | ||
| People aren't going to the restaurants. | ||
| Not nearly as many. | ||
| Look at this rat killing a fucking pigeon. | ||
| I mean, it's crazy. | ||
| Like, he hunted it. | ||
| He's biting it by the neck, and he's holding on to the fucking pigeon and killing it. | ||
| So what's going on in New York City is cannibalism, rat wars, where rats are invading other rats' territories, because there's as many, if not more, rats in New York City as there are people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of rats. | ||
| All in the subway, like tunnels. | ||
| And they're getting their food from these regular sources that now dried up. | ||
| So now they're moving into new territories, apparently. | ||
| That's what I'm reading. | ||
| Yeah, and they're attacking each other now. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Rats growing more aggressive, even eating each other during the pandemic. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Ravenous rats. | ||
| A warning for rats. | ||
| As if New York City didn't suck enough. | ||
| There's going to be a bunch of... | ||
| Other rats are trying to kill you. | ||
| I mean, everyone's stacked on top of each other during this pandemic. | ||
| I mean, it's the worst place to be in a pandemic, stacked on top of everybody. | ||
| But that makes sense with this whole pandemic stay-at-home thing. | ||
| It disrupted their food supply. | ||
| There's no way they could thrive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't mean New York sucks either. | ||
| I mean, it sucks right now to be in New York. | ||
| And now you've got murderous rats. | ||
| Although, like, it's interesting to see, like, Mark Norman was doing a bunch of shit, was just going down the street, and there's no one on the streets. | ||
| It's a really, really rare time when no one's on the streets, and you could just go do that. | ||
| Yeah, I went to downtown LA. I've been going to downtown LA and it's like all the santee alleys and all that, it's gone. | ||
| People cannot sustain the, you know, the close down. | ||
| You know, they don't have money to pay for the leases and the rents. | ||
| It's a ghost town down there. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And some people have opened up shops. | ||
| I've noticed that they opened up shops, but a lot of them, they're not opening again. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| Like, there's no traffic. | ||
| I can get from where I live to downtown LA in like 20 minutes. | ||
| That's unheard of. | ||
| It's going to be real weird to see what happens when they turn it back on again. | ||
| And society goes back. | ||
| How long is it going to take for us to even out? | ||
| Because it's going to be a rocky restart. | ||
| It's going to be rocky. | ||
| Yeah, there's going to be some warm-up. | ||
| I saw an article that was saying people are criticizing Governor Newsom for opening up too soon. | ||
| I'm like, stay home. | ||
| Stay home. | ||
| Don't tell everybody to stay home. | ||
| You stay home. | ||
| You stay home. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| We can't just stay home forever. | ||
| This is not a valid strategy for dealing with the virus. | ||
| This is not how it works. | ||
| There's all this talk. | ||
| All this talk, like, as if anyone has the correct answer. | ||
| It is sad. | ||
| I mean, you know, we were talking about it earlier that, you know, all these businesses are going to go under like the, you know, You know, childcare and barbershops and stuff like that. | ||
| It's like gyms. | ||
| And they didn't do anything wrong. | ||
| They didn't. | ||
| They did everything right and, you know... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe in hindsight it's going to turn out that it was the right thing to do and that it stopped the spread of the virus and even though there was some flare-ups here and there, it made people more aware and the virus eventually goes away. | ||
| Maybe it's possible. | ||
| But even if it's not the right thing to do, I think people are just, you know, doing it out of caution because we don't know what it is. | ||
| But it's not the only strategy. | ||
| There was other strategies that could be employed. | ||
| And they could have made people more cognizant in protecting themselves. | ||
| It would have really greatly slowed the risk of transmission. | ||
| And I think you could have let people stay working. | ||
| When you tell people they can't work. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| I don't like that not just because it's unconstitutional. | ||
| I don't like that because I don't like people telling people what to do. | ||
| And I don't like that because I don't like one person being in charge of figuring out what's right or wrong. | ||
| I don't know if it's one person or 100 people, but what's right or wrong for an entire state of 40 million people to do. | ||
| And to make up the mind for them, based on what? | ||
| Based on just because you got voted into office? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| You should be dealing with like legitimate problems, not controlling the population through some Orwellian mandate. | ||
| We just deem it that everyone has to stay home. | ||
| Then you even offer rewards for people in LA. The mayor was offering rewards for people turning people in who weren't social distancing. | ||
| Yeah, that opens up a kind of worm. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's all the wrong moves. | ||
| That's not going to help anyone. | ||
| When I heard the whole thing that you can basically snitch on somebody not wearing a mask or not doing... | ||
| And you get money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're setting people up to... | ||
| Yeah, it's not a good thing. | ||
| Dude, did you ever see the article where it says, normally, it's snitches get stitches. | ||
| But in this case, it's snitches get... | ||
| Like, they're even calling it a snitch. | ||
| And it was an official thing that they released? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Some marketing person was like, yeah, I got the thing. | ||
| I don't know if it was an official thing or was it an article on it that was in the LA Times. | ||
| Whatever it was. | ||
| And I was like, what are you saying? | ||
| This is a terrible idea. | ||
| You're encouraging people to turn people in for rewards? | ||
| Do you not understand psychology? | ||
| There's people that have grudges against people. | ||
| There's people that don't like their neighbor. | ||
| They're just going to turn each other in. | ||
| You can't give people that kind of power. | ||
| You give people the power to just say, Tim! | ||
| It's him! | ||
| He's got the scarlet letter! | ||
| And then fucking look up your ass with a microscope, see if you've been social distancing. | ||
| Hey, Seuss, I got my eye on you. | ||
| Six feet. | ||
| Six feet. | ||
| Mask. | ||
| Hand sanitizer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stay safe. | |
| Stay home. | ||
| Watch your head. | ||
| I'm going into a cop car. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck they're doing, man. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| No one knows what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| For them to tell us what to do, like, definitely you have to do... | ||
| No, maybe you should do it that way. | ||
| Maybe you should wear a mask and you should stay home. | ||
| Don't tell me what to do. | ||
| They already have had this on the county page for, like, snitches get rewards for turning people in for crimes. | ||
| I'm just looking at their site now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crimes... | |
| I still don't like the reward. | ||
| The reward should be you're a good citizen. | ||
| Like if you see someone breaking into someone's car and you managed to catch their plate, you should turn that in because you're a good citizen. | ||
| You should... | ||
| It's just cash. | ||
| You get cash. | ||
| How much? | ||
| It doesn't say it says you receive payment for the reward. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It doesn't say how much. | |
| I'm fixing to change my opinion. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, man. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of silly stuff. | ||
| You give people money for things, you incentivize them. | ||
| It makes it dangerous because there's an incentive to go one way or the other. | ||
| So if someone sees a crime and they want to give up the information about that crime, whether it's a license plate or a description or you got a video or something like that, you do that because you're a good person. | ||
| You don't want your mom to get robbed like that. | ||
| You do that because you don't want your neighbor to get robbed. | ||
| You do that because there's a problem in your community. | ||
| There's a person who's committing a crime, and as a community, we organize, we look, we look out for each other. | ||
| This person's fucking up. | ||
| Like the inception of this program, wasn't it like a neighborhood watch program? | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| You always see these signs. | ||
| It's like, who is in this neighborhood watch program? | ||
| Yeah, that's the other thing, right? | ||
| How much are they watching? | ||
| People are so lazy. | ||
| There's a bunch of actual rewards up here right now. | ||
| They're looking for information on a bunch of shootings and a $25,000 reward. | ||
| Bro, here's the thing. | ||
| They don't have the time. | ||
| They don't have the time. | ||
| There's so many things that are going on in L.A. at all times. | ||
| Somebody breaks in your house, like, did you die? | ||
| We got shit to do. | ||
| They're not going to have a full-time Columbo on the job with fucking dusting for fingerprints. | ||
| They don't have that kind of bandwidth. | ||
| They don't have that kind of bandwidth. | ||
| Yeah, hiring people, especially with budget cuts. | ||
| They don't have that kind of bandwidth and manpower needed to look into everything. | ||
| Dude, this shit going down in Minneapolis is crazy. | ||
| Crazy, man. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| You see the video of the looting stuff? | ||
| The video of the looting is crazy, but the video of the guy with his shin on that man's neck while the guy is begging for his life. | ||
| Goosebumps. | ||
| Like, it's so heartbreaking, because he's trying, and even as he's talking, he's like, officer, I can't breathe. | ||
| That guy's gotta have some sort of physical training, right? | ||
| He's gotta have, I mean, cops, do they teach them jiu-jitsu? | ||
| Some. | ||
| I don't know that any law enforcement teaches knee on the neck. | ||
| I don't know that that's a thing. | ||
| It's a shitty thing to do. | ||
| If you did that in jujitsu class, people would be really mad at you. | ||
| They'd be like, hey man, fuck you. | ||
| Get off my neck. | ||
| The position he was in too, handcuffed on the street. | ||
| So you have one really hard surface where your neck is pressed on the bottom and then him on the top coming down with his shin. | ||
| That cuts off all blood to the brain. | ||
| That cuts off your ability to breathe. | ||
| Like he's got to know that. | ||
| Everybody knows that. | ||
| If he's got any training at all, he knew what he was doing, which is so fucked up. | ||
| He was killing that guy in front of everybody with a camera on him. | ||
| Like that's what's crazy about it. | ||
| Like he was just doing it right in front of everybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You would think after all these that have been filmed all these have had like there's some sort of Education to stop this there's some sort of intervention. | ||
| There's some sort of psychological examinations They give people to stop them from getting to the point where they can't separate themselves from as a you know because he's killing a man whatever Whatever happened? | ||
| I don't know if there was a physical thing? | ||
| Was there a resisting arrest? | ||
| I don't even know what happened. | ||
| No, I don't know what happened leading up to it. | ||
| And I know there was more officers there eventually, right? | ||
| But it's like the other officers not stepping in to put a stop to what he was doing? | ||
| I mean, that's rough as well, man. | ||
| There's another one that haunts me. | ||
| There was a story of a gentleman who reached into his... | ||
| The cop was in the passenger side window and told the guy to show him his hands and let me see your wallet. | ||
| He goes and reaches for his wallet and the cop just empties his gun in him. | ||
| I don't remember how many times he shot it. | ||
| Empties sound very dramatic though. | ||
| But he shot him and killed him. | ||
| And all the guy was doing was reaching for his wallet. | ||
| I remember thinking like god damn it like how crazy are the interactions between people when you're a cop And you're in that weird position where you literally have life and death power over someone at any any moments notice You can decide that you were threatened and you had to take a life and if no one's there with a camera How many times have guys died like this where no one was there with a camera? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| How many times? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was like he was resisting arrest and he died. | ||
| Oh, I guess so. | ||
| I guess he's dead. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| And they just have to trust the paperwork that that person fills out. | ||
| Oh, he shouldn't have got drunk. | ||
| I guess he died. | ||
| Too bad. | ||
| There's no video. | ||
| But then you see the video of that guy with his shin on that man's neck and you're like, God damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you have any training at all, you know you're killing that guy. | ||
| And that's probably the... | ||
| Part of the problem there is not having the proper training. | ||
| Like you said, if you have any kind of jujitsu training, you would be hyper aware. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know, man. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| He might have just killed that guy. | ||
| It's hard to say. | ||
| Dude, I think people that work as cops are just like, they're people. | ||
| They're exceptional people because it's a very difficult job, right? | ||
| They're tested in a way that most of us are not tested, but they're just people. | ||
| And there's a giant spectrum of people from people that are like genuinely happy for other people and good people who do, you know, who love each other and do, and then there's fucking monsters. | ||
| There's monsters, you know? | ||
| I was watching the Unabomber documentary on Netflix. | ||
| It's really fucking creepy, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But one of the parts that's the creepiest is when he was really young, when he was a baby, he got sick. | ||
| And the doctors took the baby from the parents for a long time, like weeks. | ||
| And when the baby came back, it was never the same again. | ||
| It was detached and never focused. | ||
| He was sick, but it was also that it was not with his mother for weeks. | ||
| And something happened to him. | ||
| And then he grew up just to lack empathy and always have this anger inside of him. | ||
| Very fucking creepy, man. | ||
| Very creepy. | ||
| So just like people are like that, right? | ||
| So are cops. | ||
| The vast majority of interactions people have with cops don't end up like that, or fine. | ||
| The vast majority of all interactions I've had with cops, particularly before I was even famous, were positive. | ||
| I'm respectful. | ||
| I grew up around cops. | ||
| My martial arts background was always trained with cops. | ||
| I knew cops constantly. | ||
| They're just people, man. | ||
| And people, they vary. | ||
| The problem is, when you give people The ability to have that kind of power over other people. | ||
| I can shoot you if I think you might have a gun. | ||
| I don't even have to see the gun. | ||
| I can just start shooting you. | ||
| Or maybe you're just so PTSD'd out that you just think it's a gun. | ||
| You see a gun and there's no gun there. | ||
| You're just losing your fucking mind because you've seen too many people die over the last couple of months. | ||
| That's possible too, man. | ||
| Cops are in a constant state of alert. | ||
| They're pulling people over. | ||
| They never know if they're ever going to see their kids again. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| Your fucking window's tinted. | ||
| The rap music. | ||
| Now I smell the weed. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| You could be a bunch of cool guys out going to get something to eat, like, hello sir, sorry sir, here's my license, everything's fine. | ||
| Or you could be a cartel member. | ||
| Like, they don't know. | ||
| They have no idea. | ||
| You're always interviewing people that are lying. | ||
| You're always talking to people that are trying to get away with something. | ||
| And then you see violence every day. | ||
| You see gunshot wounds and knife wounds and fuck! | ||
| You're on the edge, man. | ||
| Cops commit suicide at a staggering rate. | ||
| It's really kind of crazy. | ||
| I don't know if it mimics soldiers, but soldiers commit suicide at a very high rate too. | ||
| And I think for a lot of them it's just regular life in comparison to the chaos of war and the chaos of Of the violence that they'll run into on the streets if you're a cop. | ||
| Sometimes it's just incompatible. | ||
| Like regular life, it's just like you're too fucked up from it. | ||
| And I don't know how many of those guys get treatment, how many of those guys get therapy, or how many of those guys go into that job for the wrong reasons. | ||
| They go into that job because they like having power over people. | ||
| There's those kind of cops too. | ||
| But then there's great cops. | ||
| This idea that we should hate cops. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| We should hate a human being's actions. | ||
| We should hate that a human being could do that to another human being. | ||
| I don't know why he was so mad at that guy. | ||
| I don't know if it was pure racism, if there was some sort of interaction that didn't go well. | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| But him holding that guy down with his shin on his knee, especially when you watch it because you know how it goes. | ||
| You're like, fuck, man. | ||
| It's gut-wrenching. | ||
| It's heartbreaking. | ||
| It's so unfortunate. | ||
| That man shouldn't have died. | ||
| And it just... | ||
| It's awful what that officer did to not have the empathy or sympathy to see what was before him. | ||
| It's like, hey, you're hurting this man. | ||
| He's already handcuffed. | ||
| It's heartbreaking, bro. | ||
| It would be shocking if he beat him to death while he was handcuffed. | ||
| It would be shocking. | ||
| If we watched him just kick that guy to death, it would be insane. | ||
| But somehow or another he thought it was okay if he just put all of his weight on his shin and put it on that man's neck. | ||
| Dude, I don't know if anybody's ever done that to you, but people have done that to me. | ||
| In Jiu Jitsu, I've had guys like when they're passing, maybe they go for a mounted triangle or something like that and they put their shin across my neck and not even for long periods of time, but it's hard to handle. | ||
| It's hard to handle for someone who does jujitsu. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why triangle chokes are so effective, right? | ||
| It's because it's your leg bone and your other leg bone and all that leg muscle and all that pressure. | ||
| Triangle ain't shit compared to putting all your weight on a guy's neck. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because you don't get tired of doing it. | ||
| If I have someone in a triangle, if I'm on my back... | ||
| It's a resting dead weight on a person's throat. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So if I have someone in a triangle, I have to squeeze. | ||
| I have to use my legs and I use my arms. | ||
| But if I'm on top of someone with my shin on his neck, I don't have to do anything. | ||
| I just balance and put all my weight on it and he'll die. | ||
| You can kill someone that way. | ||
| And the fact that that guy just thought he could do that in front of everybody, that's crazy. | ||
| All you have to do is put him... | ||
| If you thought the guy was trying to get away, it's a jujitsu move. | ||
| It's called knee on belly. | ||
| And you've got him flattened out so you put knee on back. | ||
| And you just put your knee on his back. | ||
| And you could hold him there. | ||
| And he'd be okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You can do the same thing. | ||
| You hold the body. | ||
| You just put your shin, you put your instep right up to his body, you put all your weight on your shin, and you just hold him there. | ||
| You're a cop. | ||
| You've got a handcuff guy. | ||
| You don't have to put your fucking shin on his neck. | ||
| But where is it coming from, right? | ||
| That's what we have to figure out. | ||
| Like, is it just, do some people just need to be stopped before they ever become cops? | ||
| Maybe it's that. | ||
| Maybe it's the... | ||
| The fact that somebody like that can become a cop, it's like... | ||
| But that's the question. | ||
| Was he always like that or did he become like that? | ||
| Did he become like that because of the stress of the job? | ||
| Did he become like that because of who knows whatever reason? | ||
| Is it racist? | ||
| Could he do that to a white guy too? | ||
| Could he only do that to a black guy who's resisting? | ||
| But when you start seeing a pattern, you know, it's like it's a lot of lives being lost in the same way, in the same manner. | ||
| It's like you start to raise questions. | ||
| How can you make an argument against for what it is? | ||
| It's in plain sight. | ||
| You know, it's a pattern now. | ||
| Yeah, it's a pattern, but it's also it's just a pattern with cops. | ||
| It's not just a pattern in that, you know, cops are killing young black men, but it's also a pattern that cops really, there's certain cops who really can't handle that kind of power. | ||
| They can't handle that position. | ||
| They turn bad. | ||
| Just like there's corrupt politicians, there's corrupt cops. | ||
| And they might not be corrupt in terms of being on the take, but they're corrupt in terms of what they'll do to get a case closed. | ||
| They plant guns. | ||
| We've all seen that shit. | ||
| We've all seen videos. | ||
| There's a video of a guy shooting a guy in the back and then he throws a gun on the ground at the guy's feet. | ||
| Yeah, dude, this is... | ||
| They've been doing that since the beginning of time. | ||
| They plant drugs on people. | ||
| Cops have been busted planting drugs on people numerous times. | ||
| There was a cop that was... | ||
| He was busted planting drugs on someone with his own body cam. | ||
| The footage from his own camera showed him planting drugs on a guy. | ||
| Like, they're cops, but they're people. | ||
| That's the problem with what a cop is. | ||
| It's like you're giving extraordinary powers to an ordinary person. | ||
| That's what being a cop is. | ||
| You have to be an exceptional person to be able to handle that. | ||
| And the truth is, most of them are. | ||
| That's why you're not hearing this every day all over the world. | ||
| Cops are having interactions with people that are positive all the time. | ||
| And it's hard to do for them. | ||
| And you don't hear about it. | ||
| It's just the ones that stand out are the ones where it goes horribly wrong like that. | ||
| But it's not indicative of all cops. | ||
| That's why it's so crazy. | ||
| And I don't know what they can do about that other than have stricter standards to keep people like that from becoming cops. | ||
| Or is it just that the job makes them that way? | ||
| Is it just that the stress makes them that way? | ||
| And seeing all the criminals, dealing with all the crimes, seeing all the violence just fucks them up so bad. | ||
| Yeah, even there was a case here in LA in Boyle Heights where there was a man who was Not fighting back, and the officer's going in and just fighting him to the point where the officer rips his glasses off and starts railing on a guy that is completely not fighting back. | ||
| And there was a home there, and the people from the home come out, and they're like, hey, he's not fighting back. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| And he's telling people to stay back. | ||
| And there was another officer trying to kind of calm the thing, but man, that officer was teeing off on this guy who was just holding on to the fence. | ||
| It was right there in Boyle Heights. | ||
| Unbelievable to see that. | ||
| So there's something definitely broken and wrong. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what it is. | ||
| Well, I think it's a lot of things. | ||
| It's a lot of people that are on edge no matter what. | ||
| People are angry. | ||
| Now you give that person the position of power like a police officer. | ||
| Then you put them around crime for years and years and years. | ||
| They feel underappreciated. | ||
| Their life's in danger every day. | ||
| They see their fucking cousin who manages a restaurant. | ||
| His life's not in danger. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| This is the guy? | ||
| Yeah, that's the guy. | ||
| Look. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's not fighting back at all. | |
| Oh man. | ||
| He's just punching him in the back of the head. | ||
| These are terrible sloppy punches. | ||
| He takes his glasses off. | ||
| Bro, first of all, I would make that guy stay after class. | ||
| I'd be like, bro, everything you did sucks. | ||
| You have zero leverage in your punches. | ||
| You're so fat. | ||
| You can't even manhandle this big gentleman. | ||
| First of all, this big gentleman barely even noticed that you did all that. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He's just hanging out like, bro, you just punched me a bunch of times. | ||
| You shouldn't do that. | ||
| But at least this big guy is smart enough to not punch him back. | ||
| Because there's a real good argument that he should flatline that cop. | ||
| But, yeah, no. | ||
| It's just a guy with a gun who's got a badge and a job, and he just wails on you and you can't do that back? | ||
| That's not how you're supposed to act when you're a cop. | ||
| The guy's not even moving. | ||
| It's not like he's running away or fighting him and trying to get away. | ||
| It's heartbreaking when you see stuff like that. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Bro, you should just let that guy keep punching. | ||
| Just go like, hold on. | ||
| Keep punching. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
| Keep punching. | ||
| That guy was about to have a heart attack. | ||
| He had like three or four more punches left in him. | ||
| They would have fallen to the ground. | ||
| It's his big old barrel chest and skinny arms. | ||
| Terrible punches. | ||
| That's an embarrassment to the martial arts, sir. | ||
| And to the police department. | ||
| As YouTube goes, the YouTube comments are just roasting the cop for not being able to do what you're saying. | ||
| Oh, it's a terrible technique. | ||
| But first of all, here's the reality. | ||
| That guy that he was trying to hit and take down was enormous. | ||
| He could have hit that guy all day long with his bitch ass punches. | ||
| It's not gonna work. | ||
| That guy was big. | ||
| See the size of that guy's neck? | ||
| He looked like a fucking football player. | ||
| He looked like a pro wrestler or something. | ||
| That guy was enormous. | ||
| He wasn't taking that guy down. | ||
| And if that guy decided to just pick him up by the neck and fucking pile drive him into the concrete, he couldn't have said shit about it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The only thing that saved him is that he was a cop, but that's probably why he did it in the first place. | ||
| It's probably why he became a cop, you know? | ||
| Those psychological flaws. | ||
| I feel the same way, you know, I feel like cops are, in a sense, they're so necessary and yet so disrespected and underappreciated, and then they're also forced into doing things that are not what they signed up for, like giving people tickets. | ||
| Like, cops become glorified revenue collectors if you just make them sit hiding behind a bush waiting for someone to go 49 on a 45. Like, I got them! | ||
| Pull over! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well that's not what a cop signed up for. | ||
| They've signed up to stop bad guys and make the community safer. | ||
| And then it opens up a whole thing with, you know, you know, Fourth Amendment probable cause, you know, you get stopped for one thing and it opens the door for other things. | ||
| On Snoop Dogg's page, he's got a really good video of a good cop talking about what these cops did wrong. | ||
| And I love that Snoop put that up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On his Instagram? | |
| Yeah, on Snoop's Instagram. | ||
| I love that Snoop put it up there, too, because he said, here's a good cop and a good cop's take. | ||
| And I agree with everything the cop said. | ||
| He was dead on about everything, about all of it. | ||
| And he's an actual police officer. | ||
| But I like the fact that Snoop put that up there. | ||
| I gotta check that out. | ||
| Attacking people in downtown LA. Do you see those cops that were trying to drive through downtown LA? They have a march. | ||
| They're smashing their windows. | ||
| Those are not the same people. | ||
| Those are not the people that did that. | ||
| That one guy who had his shin on that guy's neck. | ||
| Yeah, you're right about him. | ||
| But these are not those people. | ||
| These are just other cops. | ||
| Yeah, this is the guy. | ||
| This is a good video. | ||
| Can I play it? | ||
| Yeah, play it a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's talk things that happened in Minneapolis, cop standpoint, right? | |
| I'm disgusted with the things that happened in Minneapolis. | ||
| Pure point blank. | ||
| Things could have went way different. | ||
| At the end of the day, let's talk facts. | ||
| Guy is on the ground. | ||
| He's laying on his stomach. | ||
| He have handcuffs on. | ||
| It's four of y'all, one of him. | ||
| Four of y'all, one of him. | ||
| Who has control of this situation? | ||
| It's not much one person could do against four people. | ||
| Now let's get deeper, right? | ||
| As an officer, you are a first responder, right? | ||
| So if in the midst of you trying to gain compliance, someone is hurt, you have to render aid. | ||
| So somebody's saying, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe. | ||
| You don't think to yourself and say, oh my gosh, this guy can't breathe. | ||
| He might die. | ||
| Let me render aid, right? | ||
| Another point. | ||
| Officers, other officers, if you're going to be an officer that's going to stand there and not help when things go wrong, come on. | ||
| Like, you don't see that? | ||
| That's the reason I got behind this badge, right? | ||
| Because I want them officers that's afraid to step up, I want to be the one to step up. | ||
| If I see wrong happening, wrong is not happening in my presence, right? | ||
| I'm going to check it. | ||
| And that's period. | ||
| Jamie, pull the top down so I can find out what that dude's name is. | ||
| It just said from a good cop? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| His account's right there, I think. | ||
| Is that his TikTok account? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| JD underscore W-I-L-L, JD underscore Will. | ||
| Well, shout out to him because he just said it perfectly and that's who you want to hear it from. | ||
| You want to hear it from another cop. | ||
| Everything he says is 100% correct. | ||
| You've got four guys standing around. | ||
| There's one guy down. | ||
| You're in control of it. | ||
| And not to provide aid when somebody's clearly telling you, officer, I cannot breathe. | ||
| And not another cop steps in and say, hey man, get your fucking chin off his neck. | ||
| You're gonna kill him. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So sad, man. | ||
| Here's the fucked up thing. | ||
| If you said, do I ever think there's gonna come a day where there'll be no crime? | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Why is that an insurmountable thing that will never come to a day when we don't need the police? | ||
| This is where anarchists lie. | ||
| Anarchists feel like, you should have no police, man. | ||
| I don't want the police. | ||
| We'll work it out together as a community. | ||
| Eh. | ||
| Bro, that's how you get kings. | ||
| That's how dudes take over and form an army of other murderers and they fucking start slaughtering people and take over the city and you don't do shit about it. | ||
| That's where kings come from. | ||
| Now, you need cops, stupid. | ||
| You need good cops. | ||
| You need cops that understand what the job is, like that guy. | ||
| A guy who's a big, strong guy, could handle that situation, wouldn't feel compelled to put his knee or his shin on that guy's neck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And can think critically. | ||
| I mean, he went through all the points of what could have gone different to change the outcome. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It's just in the middle of all this crazy crisis, everything has been such a rollercoaster ride because in the beginning everything was really scary in terms of worrying about the pandemic, but it seemed like people were being a little more chill. | ||
| It seems like people were confronted by real danger and were like a little nicer to each other. | ||
| I had a lot of hope in the beginning of the pandemic, and then somewhere later on, it seemed like businesses started failing, people started going bankrupt, a lot of suicides, a lot of craziness, a lot of drinking, and then things just got way worse. | ||
| It seems like the online discourse now, if you go to Twitter or shit like that, seems way more aggressive and angry. | ||
| The tone has changed, of course. | ||
| The tone, yeah. | ||
| And now this, right? | ||
| I mean, this is a... | ||
| This is a terrible, terrible situation. | ||
| So this happens. | ||
| We all get to experience it in video. | ||
| And then in the middle of this horrible financial pandemic now, there's riots and burnings. | ||
| Like, what are they doing in Minneapolis? | ||
| Burn buildings and shit? | ||
| Yeah, the buildings and the targets and stuff. | ||
| But it's, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Already the conspiracy theorists are out. | ||
| I saw some shit on the Instagram where people were saying that federal agents were starting the fires and they're doing that to control Minneapolis. | ||
| They're gonna lock everything down. | ||
| I always wonder who's they? | ||
| Who's they that's doing all that? | ||
| They? | ||
| Look at all these fires, man. | ||
| There's a lot of fucking fires. | ||
| And these are just like, what? | ||
| Just people's buildings? | ||
| So someone's private property got burnt down. | ||
| Because a cop's a fucking asshole. | ||
| I know people are angry, but just running around burning people's houses, burning people's buildings, that's not fixing anything. | ||
| Goddamn, there's a lot of fires. | ||
| To be from there and look at your city and be like, this is what my city looks like right now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now you're going to walk around this area that you and your friends burnt to the ground. | ||
| And how you're so connected to that act now. | ||
| If you're one of those guys that threw a Molotov cocktail or did whatever you did to light those buildings on fire, when you walk by those things every day, when all this is settled, all the dust is settled, you're going to realize what you did. | ||
| You just burnt someone's building down. | ||
| It didn't have anything to do with it. | ||
| Somebody probably had a job in there. | ||
| Somebody probably had life's work in that building. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Their life savings to buy the place. | ||
| Their business. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| He's burnt that fucking thing to the ground. | ||
| But the whole situation, it's... | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's horrible that it's going to keep happening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| The cops are going to keep killing people because they're going to make mistakes. | ||
| It's just how it is. | ||
| And what would the solution be? | ||
| Is there any clear-cut solution or steps to find one or to arrive at one? | ||
| Well, you know who had a great point? | ||
| Andrew Yang. | ||
| Andrew Yang, when he was running for president, one of the platforms that I really liked, he said he wants every police officer to at least be a purple belt in jujitsu. | ||
| That's a great piece of advice. | ||
| And I don't even think Andrew really practices jujitsu. | ||
| If he does, I apologize. | ||
| But I think his thought is that you should be able to control someone's body. | ||
| You should have the ability and the understanding how to control someone's body. | ||
| Because we've seen these scrambles with police officers where they don't have control. | ||
| And they get fucked up and the guy gets on top of him and beats the cop half to death, takes his gun, drives his car away. | ||
| That shit happens all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if you don't know how to fight and you're also the person that gets to enforce judgment, like, that's a crazy, that's like not knowing how to drive but being in a race car on a track, like, you don't know how to drive? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, so you're in violent altercations but you don't know how to do violence right? | ||
| Like, You don't know how to fight and you're a cop? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| That's like, I mean, that would be like working at the border and not learning Spanish. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| It's essential to the business you're about to take on. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're going to do a lot of talking Spanish, man. | ||
| You better learn it. | ||
| Learn Spanish, man. | ||
| You're going to be around a lot of violence. | ||
| You better understand violence. | ||
| You better not just be some fucking barrel-chested fatso cop with spaghetti arms wailing away at some guy that barely notices it. | ||
| God damn it, Jesus! | ||
| You know, another thing is it just makes me feel sad. | ||
| Like when a story like that is on the news, I just feel sad. | ||
| I just feel just bad. | ||
| I just feel like... | ||
| You feel like there's like a psychic funk that travels over the land, you know? | ||
| It's the energy we were talking about, you know? | ||
| It's like those things do affect, you know, how someone feels and, you know, it's... | ||
| I keep saying it over and over again. | ||
| I sound like a broken record, but it's heartbreaking. | ||
| You feel that pain in this area. | ||
| And I always feel like the only way I could ever address those things now is to talk about them. | ||
| People say, why don't you post about that on social media when something happens? | ||
| I mean, I could, and I certainly do with some things, but some things like this is like, that's something I want to talk about. | ||
| I want to talk through, because it's so horrible. | ||
| Dialogues need to be had, and, you know, you've got to talk it through. | ||
| But also, like, if you're going to give your take on it, the best way, I think, is talking. | ||
| Because I feel like you're going to write some caption on an Instagram photo. | ||
| It's not, for me at least, it's not the best way for me to express myself. | ||
| Yeah, you want to talk it out, think it through, and... | ||
| There's also, like, a lot of celebrities doing hot takes on things. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, every time something goes down, they go to this guy. | ||
| Like, what is he going to say? | ||
| You go to her. | ||
| What is her feelings? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And then the celebrities hit there. | ||
| Like, I'm trying to get a lot of likes with this one. | ||
| I want to really spice it up nice. | ||
| You think that's what it is? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And it's unfortunate that that's the side that people look to capitalize for some kind of clout. | ||
| I think it happens a lot with actors. | ||
| You see it a lot because there's a lot of cool actors out there. | ||
| A lot more than I ever thought there were. | ||
| But, there's a lot of them out of their fucking minds. | ||
| Out of their fucking minds. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Crazy, crazy. | ||
| Cat shit crazy. | ||
| Out of their fucking mind. | ||
| And they, anytime there's an opportunity to say something or do something, to get some clout. | ||
| They'll just use the right language, use the right hashtags, and put it out there like a little love bomb. | ||
| Just let it float out into the middle of the water and boom! | ||
| Everybody's really excited that I made that post decrying racism and letting everybody know that women are going to run the world. | ||
| I saw a photo. | ||
| It was one of the saddest photos I ever saw. | ||
| Sam Tripoli put it up on his page. | ||
| It's a bunch of dudes standing around with the future is female t-shirts. | ||
| I want to hope that someone photoshopped that. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I really hope someone photoshopped it. | ||
| Oh, that it's a fake one? | ||
| Yeah, I hope it's fake. | ||
| I hope they had like IBM t-shirts or something like they were on some retreat. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| The future is female. | ||
| There's all these guys with a shirt on. | ||
| And Sam Tripoli said, what does it say? | ||
| Make it smaller so we can all read it. | ||
| The annual meeting of dudes that report my posts. | ||
| I don't know if Tripoli wrote that. | ||
| That must be his. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| He's so funny, man. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| So there's all these fellas that look like they could use a good CrossFit class. | ||
| A repost. | ||
| A repost. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| XX, I don't know. | ||
| XX, XX, XX. | ||
| Is there real porn accounts these days? | ||
| There's loose porn accounts that will try to take you off-site to somewhere. | ||
| There's OnlyFans or... | ||
| What those guys are wearing is just as ridiculous as if they have a shirt on that says the future is masculine. | ||
| That's just as ridiculous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
what do you do? | |
| The future's female? | ||
| How about the future's humans? | ||
| And, you know, you have to have male and female, you fuck. | ||
| That's how you make babies. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I'm not trying to shame people to make their baby in a test tube. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| The vast majority, we need male and female. | ||
| We can all be nice. | ||
| I have a lot of male friends that I love very much. | ||
| I have a lot of female friends that I love very much. | ||
| We're all close. | ||
| Male and female. | ||
| We can all be cool. | ||
| We can all coexist. | ||
| The future doesn't have to be female. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| The future hopefully is a positive one and an uplifting one. | ||
| But when someone has a futures female shirt on, they want it to be female. | ||
| That means they're going to lean more female than male. | ||
| It's like if you want real equality, you should hire the best person for the job always. | ||
| So if you've got this job and you're leaning toward this guy, he seems like he's better, but he's not a woman and there's a mandate to have a woman, you're going to go with someone who's just a woman. | ||
| You're going to give them a little break because it's a woman. | ||
| That's not equality. | ||
| That's not good for anybody. | ||
| The future is a well-qualified person. | ||
| The future is a well-qualified person. | ||
| Qualified person. | ||
| You should have that shirt. | ||
| Sell it outside of my shows. | ||
| That'd be a great shirt for you. | ||
| Qualified shirt, huh? | ||
| The future's a well-qualified person. | ||
| That would be, right? | ||
| That'd be an interesting shirt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Interesting shirt to sell. | ||
| The future is all people. | ||
| So shirts after a show? | ||
| I don't know that that's going to be a thing anymore, but... | ||
| They'll probably go back to that. | ||
| I mean, you gotta think people went back from the Spanish flu to where we are before the pandemic. | ||
| But restrictions, I mean, restrictions won't allow for it. | ||
| That's the kicker. | ||
| I hope they lift these restrictions fully. | ||
| Do you miss stand-up? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| How can I not miss stand-up? | ||
| I know, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| 1918 pandemic photo watching a football game in Georgia Tech, I think. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They're all watching a football game with masks on. | ||
| That's not a N95, though. | ||
| Isn't that crazy, though? | ||
| It's crazy, like, we didn't know about this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I never thought that, you know, if you asked me about the pandemic, I said, yeah, a bunch of people died from the flu, but I didn't think people were walking around with masks on. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I mean, we had those, like, maybe that full, you know, that full pointy nose mask that, uh, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lindsey... | |
| Shepard? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I'm misinterpreting the name in my head. | ||
| It's all mixed up right now. | ||
| I don't want to say the wrong one. | ||
| Lindsey Fitzharris. | ||
| I thought that's what I was going to say. | ||
| Yeah, it was her, right? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| But yeah, that was during that time period, I believe. | ||
| Because there was a couple different... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was her. | ||
| It was about the plague masks. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what I'm thinking, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, wasn't that like they had herbs and shit down there? | ||
| They thought it was going to kill the smell of the plague as you breathe it in? | ||
| That was the idea? | ||
| You ever seen one of them things? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| They're freaky looking. | ||
| It's like an Eyes Wide Shut mask. | ||
| Did they wear those in Eyes Wide Shut? | ||
| Oh, that? | ||
| It's been in a few things. | ||
| It's like a villain or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a bird? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You look like a bird. | ||
| So what's going on is that beak is filled with like... | ||
| Stuff. | ||
| Oh, herbs, okay. | ||
| Yeah, and you smell that. | ||
| Walking around with a face mask full of potpourri. | ||
| Look at the goggle. | ||
| Imagine if you're a girl, and you're dating a guy, and he seems so cool in every way, but he wants to fuck you with a plague mask on. | ||
| You're thinking, maybe he's the one. | ||
| Maybe we're going to grow together and have babies together. | ||
| Now you're dating Toucan Sam? | ||
| 16th century plague. | ||
| So maybe it's just like, that was their idea they had back then, and it didn't evolve until... | ||
| Look at this, what it says. | ||
| 16th century plague doctor mask... | ||
| On display at the... | ||
| Say that word. | ||
| Say that word. | ||
| At the... | ||
| Good luck, man. | ||
| It's like medicine history. | ||
| Ah, just German. | ||
| German. | ||
| Duchenne, medicine, historischen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
German Museum of Medical History. | |
| What a gnarly thing to come up and engineer and be like, "No, this helps." Like the way that they sold this to people and people are like, no, yeah, no. | ||
| People say that this is a thing. | ||
| We got to put potpourri in these masks and smell it. | ||
| I wonder what the actual herbs were, like what kind of shit they put in there. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I guess like menthol or something. | ||
| How do you make menthol? | ||
| Like when you think of like menthol rubs? | ||
| Mint. | ||
| What's in there? | ||
| And it leaves. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah, mint. | ||
| With some other stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's like a mojito. | ||
| So does it say what they put in those fucking things? | ||
| I remember Lindsay telling us. | ||
| Flowers. | ||
| Mint. | ||
| It's in there. | ||
| So it really is potpourri. | ||
| Vinegar sponged. | ||
| Vinegar sponge. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The purpose of the mask was to keep away any bad smells, known as miasma, which were thought to be the principal cause of the disease before it was disproven by germ theory. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So they kind of knew it was coming through the nose. | ||
| They just didn't know what it was. | ||
| Imagine if someone had a bad fart, they're like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Why is everybody wearing masks? | ||
| Bob over here, let one go. | ||
| But it's hilarious that it says, you know, to keep away bad smells, but they put vinegar inside. | ||
| Vinegar doesn't smell too nice. | ||
| It smells terrible. | ||
| It's no lavender. | ||
| But imagine how bad people smelled back then. | ||
| Nobody bathed, no soap, no toothpaste. | ||
| Your teeth will rot out of your fucking head. | ||
| Like hot tomato, onion soup? | ||
| Oof. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you would smell terrible. | ||
| Your feet would stink. | ||
| Everything would stink. | ||
| Wow, look at the image of what people look like when they're dying from the plague. | ||
| So back then when shit would go down, they didn't even know what it was. | ||
| They're just praying to the gods and sacrificing chickens and shit. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck is going to happen. | ||
| Things they used to do back then is let people bleed out because they believed it had bad blood. | ||
| Now this guy's dying because their blood supply is low. | ||
| They used to use leeches. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| However, though the beak mask has become an iconic symbol of the Black Death, there's no evidence it was actually worn during the 14th century epidemic. | ||
| Medical historians have in fact attributed the invention of the beak doctor costume to a French doctor named Charles Delorme in 1619. | ||
| He designed the bird mask to be worn with a large waxen coat as a form of head-to-toe protection modeled on a soldier's armor. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| First worn by doctors during the plague of 1656, which killed 145,000 people in Rome and 300,000 in Naples. | ||
| That's a lot of fucking people, folks. | ||
| Like, to put it in perspective, I think Italy lost... | ||
| How many died in Italy overall? | ||
| I feel like it was less than 50. I think it was... | ||
| Less than 50? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the full total? | ||
| 33,000. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So think about that, right? | ||
| We saw those images from Italy. | ||
| It looked like the end of the world, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like the hospitals were overrun. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| It's 33,000 deaths. | ||
| Now think about how many deaths they had in Rome and in Naples. | ||
| They had 300,000 in one place and 100,000 in another. | ||
| Like, bro, everybody was dying. | ||
| It's a different thing. | ||
| So even though this pandemic sucks a fat one, we're way better at this shit than we used to be. | ||
| Well, good thing they phased out the bird mask. | ||
| I mean, imagine if we're still wearing that, using that science. | ||
| What if it actually worked? | ||
| That would be even crazier. | ||
| I mean, if they have these N95 masks, doesn't some stuff kill things? | ||
| Doesn't garlic kill a lot of shit? | ||
| It killed half the people in these cities. | ||
| In 1631? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Wow, the population... | ||
| One in Verona, they lost 61% of their population. | ||
| There's 54,000 people in 1630. By 1631, there was 33,000. | ||
| They lost 61%. | ||
| Holy fuck, man. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But the Italians in Italy, in a lot of ways, have that one thing in common with folks that live in New York City. | ||
| It's a high density. | ||
| With them, it's density in families. | ||
| Their families all live together. | ||
| It's like mom and grandpa and dad and kids. | ||
| Everything's built up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're all around each other. | ||
| They're very social. | ||
| They're just giving it to each other. | ||
| Plus, they're kissing each other and shit. | ||
| They're kissing each other. | ||
| They're making out while they're sick, drinking wine, smoking cigarettes. | ||
| They're all smoking cigarettes. | ||
| They executed three plague spreaders, which they've been talking about in today's world. | ||
| People that are spreaders. | ||
| Have you heard that talked about at all? | ||
| That someone's a spreader? | ||
| Yeah, like people that are just out spreading. | ||
| Bad people? | ||
| Intentionally? | ||
| Like they know that they're positive for it? | ||
| So they executed people who defied the governor's orders. | ||
| Describing a historical trial and execution of three alleged plague spreaders, it says. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then they start publishing pamphlets probably to scare people away from doing it. | ||
| Well, for sure there are people that if they get a disease, they want to give it to you. | ||
| Yeah, twisted. | ||
| Somebody with a twisted mind. | ||
| Plus they're angry that they're really sick and you're not. | ||
| Why aren't you sick, you fuck? | ||
| And they just want to give it to you. | ||
| There's some selfish people out there. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| Terrible people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| How long did you work on this set before you put it on your special? | ||
| When did you know what the set was going to be? | ||
| I mean, I was tweaking stuff right up to it just because I was getting obsessive, man. | ||
| I toured with that hour for that year, and the paperwork was done by first quarter 2019. Oh, okay. | ||
| So you knew? | ||
| Yeah, so I knew that I was going to film a special, and I thought... | ||
| I was gonna film it right away, you know, but then I ended up waiting and I filmed it in November. | ||
| Do you think that's better? | ||
| Do you like it that way? | ||
| Like, I always feel like every time I've filmed a special, if I just waited three months later, it would be better. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I wish I would have waited in a certain sense because once I taped it, I had some weekends lined up still that I had on the books. | ||
| And I went out there and I found new tags and new stuff. | ||
| And I'm like, man. | ||
| Always! | ||
| Man, it didn't sit well. | ||
| It was like a lot of dissonance. | ||
| And even as I'm editing the thing, I'm like, I could have put the tag right there. | ||
| I could have said it this way. | ||
| But it's like, it's ever-changing. | ||
| So it's like, when does it stop? | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| It's like, you know, I hear it about documentaries. | ||
| It's like, when do you stop a documentary? | ||
| Because, you know, it could continue, you know, documenting an event forever. | ||
| So it's like, at one point, you're just like, hey, it's a snapshot in time. | ||
| This is the material I was doing from here to here. | ||
| This is what I got. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're right about never knowing when they're done. | ||
| And you're right about documentaries, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Documentaries can go on for... | ||
| There's some documentaries, like... | ||
| Like the Wild Wild Country, the one that's on that cult in Oregon? | ||
| I felt like they could have done that for a year. | ||
| I mean, they had so much footage. | ||
| And then tangents, you know, the tangents they could have taken. | ||
| It's like, what about that person? | ||
| Let's follow this person. | ||
| You know, it's never-ending, so you almost just have to... | ||
| Just like, alright, here's the deadline. | ||
| The checkpoints we were talking about earlier and just going with it. | ||
| It's my first special. | ||
| I'm excited for it and I hope it's well received, but I work really hard, man. | ||
| That's dope. | ||
| Look at you, you handsome bastard. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Wearing the same outfit. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Now, once it airs, once it's on Showtime, will it be available on an app afterwards or on iTunes, on Apple TV? Yeah, it's going to be a wide release where people can stream it on... | ||
| Spotify or Pandora. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| But the video version of it, is that going to be somewhere for streaming too? | ||
| Yeah, that's going to be out streaming by release, but we'll find out where it's going to go. | ||
| Hopefully, I'll find a home where it could be streaming stuff. | ||
| But it's on Showtime Friday night? | ||
| Yeah, Friday, 9 p.m. | ||
| Eastern time. | ||
| 9 p.m. | ||
| Eastern. | ||
| 6 p.m. | ||
| Pacific time. | ||
| I did math for you. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| Stay at home, son. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| May 29, Friday. | ||
| It really is the perfect name for the time. | ||
| It's almost like you predicted it. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Do you think you did? | ||
| Do you think you willed it into existence? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like something my mom would do. | ||
| She claims to have a psychic ability. | ||
| It's so delayed, mom. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Maybe you did. | ||
| Subconsciously? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somewhere in your head, like, some shit is going down. | |
| Stay at home. | ||
| Stay at home. | ||
| I mean, it's, uh... | ||
| Yeah, I'm just very excited. | ||
| Very excited that I got to do this special and put it together. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I'm excited for you, man. | ||
| I know it's gonna be really funny. | ||
| Like I said, I saw a bunch of this shit when we worked together at the improv and the store and very funny stuff, man. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| I'm, you know, I'm appreciative for the opportunity to get to work with you, too, man. | ||
| It's, uh... | ||
| You're very kind and seeing you work, too. | ||
| It's like when I get to host those shows for you at the improv or the comedy store, it's cool to host, but to sit there and see what you're doing, tweaking stuff. | ||
| I remember you working on the Jenner bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I saw you do that act out of the stool of getting up there, it's like, holy moly. | ||
| Like, you're one that constantly changes, and I'm, you know, when you perform, I'm always kind of watching what you're doing, and man, that act out was insane. | ||
| Well, I had to figure out some way to, like, make someone whispering in his ear while he's sleeping. | ||
| But I also had to make it, like, it had to be dramatic, like... | ||
| I'm whispering to a sleeping person. | ||
| I had to, like, crawl in there. | ||
| And I wanted to do it in a way like I'm really flexible so I can move in a weird way, you know, so I can move like I think a demon would be. | ||
| So I had to figure out how to make that funny, man. | ||
| It took a long-ass time. | ||
| That act I was exclusive to a Joe Rogan type because I'm... | ||
| I mean, just the strength that would require to stand the way you were on top of the stool. | ||
| I love when you did that bit at the store because Danny, the sound guy, would dim the lights. | ||
| And it would be like a spotlight on you in this room would be completely dark. | ||
| I'm like, oh, it's an even added effect. | ||
| But you held it. | ||
| The level of commitment, I loved seeing that. | ||
| At first it was a little shorter, but then you would commit. | ||
| It would be three, four minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, oh, he's doing it again. | |
| I had to figure out what the tags on that were too. | ||
| That was weird as well. | ||
| But it's also like, we're so lucky that we are around other people that are pushing really good material out too. | ||
| It's like when you're around people that are working on stuff, it's very inspiring, you know? | ||
| That environment at the store is the main reason I stayed in L.A. for this long. | ||
| There's something about that environment at the store. | ||
| It's so electric. | ||
| Everybody's watching everybody. | ||
| You're sad. | ||
| You're watching Bobby Lee. | ||
| Everybody's watching everybody. | ||
| In Edwards. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Owen Smith. | ||
| And everybody's getting this sense of the level of comedy now. | ||
| It's very high. | ||
| Yeah, but the store is like a Petri dish of... | ||
| Just, like, success. | ||
| Like, you see, like, it's so conducive. | ||
| It's set up in such a way that it makes a comedian work hard and try to figure it out. | ||
| And even more so now. | ||
| I mean, all the big guys are, like, killing it. | ||
| So it's like, if you show up, even if it's a 1 a.m. | ||
| spot, it's like, you better bring it, man. | ||
| You better bring it at the store. | ||
| Yeah, writing and figuring all that out. | ||
| When do you think we're coming back? | ||
| If you had to guess, July? | ||
| Like, full-on backpack? | ||
| Yeah, full-on. | ||
| I'd say there'll be a level of coming back in July. | ||
| I think 4th of July would be a big thing. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yeah, people want to go out and... | ||
| Yeah, but I think September. | ||
| September is my roll of the dice. | ||
| September. | ||
| September. | ||
| Mid-September is my guess. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Later or sooner? | ||
| That might be right for full blown out shows with full audiences. | ||
| That's what I'm hoping. | ||
| I think it's going to be that, you know, reduced capacity situation. | ||
| But for how long? | ||
| People are going to be starving. | ||
| Like, the clubs are going to be hurting bad. | ||
| The restaurants are already hurting bad. | ||
| And you're going to let them open up at 25%. | ||
| I want to know, like, what kind of science is there in that? | ||
| There was a picture that I saw. | ||
| There was a comedian out of Puerto Rico that posted it. | ||
| His name is Chente. | ||
| But there was a picture of a theater, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the seating was taken out. | ||
| So there's two seats, six feet, one seat. | ||
| Six feet, two seats together, six feet apart, one seat. | ||
| And it looked like they were building it, like they were filling in the seats, but they had taken out the things. | ||
| And I'm like, that just looks gnarly. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| I want to know if there's real science to that. | ||
| Is that really going to stop people from getting sick? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, this is our bird mask equivalent. | ||
| It is, but there's no fucking talk about nutrition. | ||
| No one's telling people to sleep more. | ||
| No one's telling people to stop drinking sugar. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's all just be scared. | ||
| It's all wash your hands. | ||
| Stay away. | ||
| Stay away! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cover your face. | |
| Yeah, I can't wait. | ||
| I can't wait to get back on stage. | ||
| I've been writing and just the routine that we develop of, hey, you write during the day, you get stuff ready, you perform it at night, record the set, wake up in the morning, listen to it. | ||
| Like, that's been disrupted completely. | ||
| And it's like, I feel it. | ||
| I feel the, you know, the energy shift. | ||
| And I want to get back to that. | ||
| As soon as possible. | ||
| There's nothing more exciting than putting together a set. | ||
| There's nothing more... | ||
| Well, I shouldn't say that. | ||
| There's things that are more exciting. | ||
| But it's a very exciting thing. | ||
| It's up there. | ||
| It's up there. | ||
| Putting together a set and getting to work it out. | ||
| And just getting excited about, oh, I got a 10-13. | ||
| 10-13. | ||
| 10-15 spot. | ||
| I head down. | ||
| Sit in the back for a little bit. | ||
| Get my bearings. | ||
| Loosen up. | ||
| Maybe I'll do a shot. | ||
| I'm going to do a shot before the show. | ||
| Get ready. | ||
| Go over my notes real quick. | ||
| Yeah, there's something very exciting about it. | ||
| Especially when you know you're about to do a new bit. | ||
| Like, here comes, here comes, Jesus! | ||
| Release the hounds. | ||
| Yeah, and knowing me, I'd be so excited. | ||
| I'd go up there and I'd fumble it. | ||
| I'm like, oh boy. | ||
| It takes a while before those bits are alive. | ||
| They walk out there on bambi legs. | ||
| Yeah, most of the time I feel like I'll somehow do a better version the first time I say it, and then I'm chasing the dragon for a long time. | ||
| That's where recordings come in play though, right? | ||
| Yeah, I'm obsessive. | ||
| I'm obsessive with the writing. | ||
| It's like leading up to the special, I even got a WeWork spot just so I could use their whiteboard. | ||
| Before each weekend, I'd lay out the whole thing. | ||
| You know, Ian Edwards was kind enough to... | ||
| I'm like, hey, can I walk you through everything? | ||
| And I'm doing arrows. | ||
| And he's like, you should hold that picture. | ||
| It's like, that picture you should hold. | ||
| Because I would just lay everything there. | ||
| Do you have a picture of it? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Is it on your Instagram or anything? | ||
| No, I haven't posted it yet. | ||
| Maybe I'll post it right after the special. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| And it's everything on there. | ||
| And I broke it up in thirds. | ||
| I got really obsessive, you know, because I wanted to explain... | ||
| You know, the first 20 minutes, it's like my upbringing. | ||
| I define the variables. | ||
| You have the picture? | ||
| Why don't you airdrop it to me right now while we're thinking about it, and I'll put it up on Instagram, too, to let everybody know. | ||
| He sent it to you? | ||
| If you do, I can put it up right now. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| Yeah, but maybe he doesn't want everybody to see his set. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They can see it because not everything got in there, but it doesn't bother me. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know, it's my process, so... | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I'll definitely send it to you by the... | ||
| Just send it to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| We'll remember. | ||
| We'll remember. | ||
| But I'm excited. | ||
| I know you work really hard, so I'm excited to see it because I know you are always grinding, Jesus. | ||
| I see you at the store, at the improv. | ||
| You're always putting in the work. | ||
| I'm trying. | ||
| But you're always real enthusiastic, man. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| We're all real fortunate, man, that we get to do this. | ||
| We're real fortunate that we get to do it around each other with so many other funny people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| I'm a fan and a student of comedy, you know? | ||
| It's like, you know, from the get-go, like, you know, even... | ||
| Because I didn't have full command of the language, you know? | ||
| You know, until I was like around in the fifth grade. | ||
| So my first exposure being, you know, Mexican comedians like Cantinflas or, you know, Chespirito, who was a playwright, you know, who wrote these funny characters and India Maria. | ||
| And that was my first exposure to comedy, I feel like. | ||
| It was like, you know, from there into physical comedy to your Laurel and Hardy and Three Stooges, Buster Keaton. | ||
| Like, to me, that was like hysterical. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When did you learn English? | |
| I started learning—well, I think by fifth grade I fully understood it, but I grew up around—even though I'm born here in Long Beach, you know, you slowly learn it. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I slowly learned it, and I was in or around only people that spoke— Spanish. | ||
| I think there's a giant advantage to being bilingual, not just in that you can speak two languages and talk to, you know, people from different cultures and go and travel around the world to speak Spanish, but also because I think your brain has that, there's more nuance. | ||
| To your understanding of language, right? | ||
| Because you've got two different languages that you can go back and forth in your head. | ||
| You've got a romantic Latin language and you've got, you know, European English. | ||
| You've got this weird combination of those two things you can choose. | ||
| And so you get a flavor of, like, they sound different. | ||
| There's different ways of structuring sentences. | ||
| I bet it's playing chess in a lot of ways, like a little brain exercise. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting, but I think initially when you're trying to learn a language, my dad used to joke and say that I was going to end up mute. | ||
| He's like, you can't speak English or Spanish well. | ||
| He's like, this is bad, and that's true. | ||
| I think from a learning point of view, it's like... | ||
| You had them garbled up together? | ||
| Yeah, I would make up words. | ||
| My dad's like, that's not even Spanish or English. | ||
| I'm like, my dad wouldn't even speak English either. | ||
| So he's like, I don't speak it well, but I know you're saying it wrong. | ||
| So it was a very hard thing. | ||
| And I tested very badly in school because of it. | ||
| That's a problem with a lot of kids, right? | ||
| Huge. | ||
| I got put into slower classes, if you will, because I tested so hard. | ||
| So awful on paper. | ||
| And it's like, I understand the concepts. | ||
| I understand what's going on. | ||
| I just can't communicate it. | ||
| And obviously part of education is learning how to conceptualize something and communicate it properly. | ||
| But if you can't do that, they just think that the mechanics, your logic is impaired. | ||
| And it's not. | ||
| It's my ability to communicate. | ||
| Yeah, it's your ability to communicate and it's also when you get behind the eight ball with something like that as a kid and you get self-conscious about it and then it's bothering you for years and years, that can affect all the aspects of your life. | ||
| It can affect your confidence with girls or with friends or with whatever. | ||
| With boys, whatever you're into. | ||
| Then something could be like, you know, it's like, oh, he's not behaving well with kids. | ||
| He's fighting. | ||
| Well, it's because the lack of communication. | ||
| They get angry and frustrated at the world and lash out. | ||
| But, you know, now as an adult, knowing both languages, it's quite interesting because especially performing stand-up. | ||
| I've been to New Mexico and performed stand-up, and it's really cool because even as I was getting ready to do this special, there was a show in Mexico that I went to go do, and I did the hour in Spanish. | ||
| How much changes? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Cadence, similes, metaphors are different. | ||
| You're saying things backwards. | ||
| It's the red car. | ||
| Car red. | ||
| So you're thinking different and sometimes new jokes come about, but sometimes the material you lose in the translation. | ||
| Wordplay. | ||
| Do you add as well, though? | ||
| I definitely have some original only Spanish observational bits that wouldn't work the other way either. | ||
| So that's really cool. | ||
| I think it's really cool. | ||
| I guess the best example I could give is working on your left. | ||
| You spent years working on this shot, and you can do a free throw, you can do a layaway, and now you're working with the left. | ||
| It's close, but it definitely requires more work, more thinking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, when you teach people martial arts, their left hand is like useless. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| When they first learn how to throw a left hook, so a few people know how to throw their left arm correctly, it's not coordinated. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't have the muscle memory. | ||
| And at least for this, for the language, eventually one language takes over the other. | ||
| And it's like, you know, in high school, I remember an English teacher told me this. | ||
| It's like, you know which language is the most dominant? | ||
| Because you dream and think in that language. | ||
| Yeah, I've heard that people say that about moving someplace or being on vacation someplace for a long extended period of time. | ||
| You speak the language, start dreaming in that language. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| So it's like now I think in English and translate it into Spanish. | ||
| But, you know, so when I went to Mexico after like a day or two, it's like I'm now thinking in Spanish because my crosshairs have been adjusted. | ||
| You know, you almost have to like want to soak in the environment. | ||
| You don't want to... | ||
| I feel, I don't know this to be true, but I feel like the mind wants to mimic. | ||
| It always tries to replicate. | ||
| That's why when you hear somebody with an accent, you almost want to repeat it back to them. | ||
| Or somebody whispers, I'm whispering too. | ||
| Why are you doing it? | ||
| And I feel like that's what that is, too. | ||
| You start to adjust your crosshairs, but it's been fun navigating doing stand-up in both languages. | ||
| Joey Diaz does Spanglish shows. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| He does English and Spanish together, and he's done a bunch of those in Miami. | ||
| Dude, you do not want to follow Joey Diaz in Miami when he throws some Spanglish on that crowd. | ||
| Heck no. | ||
| English, Spanglish, whatever, he's a beast. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to follow him with English, but I'm telling you, in Miami, when they used to have him go down to the Miami Improv and middle, he would middle for these big-time headliners, and Joey was friends with the guy who ran the club. | ||
| So Joey was there quite a bit. | ||
| You know, he'd get good road work there. | ||
| And dude, nobody wanted to work with him. | ||
| Nobody wanted to work with him. | ||
| He would say some shit in Spanish and in English, and then everybody would be fucking falling on the floor. | ||
| And then you try to go up there with your regular jokes, like, good luck, bitch. | ||
| What's the deal with socks? | ||
| Like, get out of here with that. | ||
| You can't, man. | ||
| Not that place. | ||
| Miami's so wild. | ||
| It's such a wild place. | ||
| It's so different. | ||
| I haven't spent much time there. | ||
| I definitely know that it's... | ||
| It's like a South American country. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| They're wild, man. | ||
| They're all partying. | ||
| No one's wearing any clothes. | ||
| People are dancing. | ||
| There's music in the streets. | ||
| The food's great. | ||
| But it's just got a different vibe. | ||
| You know, it just has a different vibe. | ||
| It's a more party vibe. | ||
| Party vibe. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I've... | ||
| When I hear old people moving to Miami, I'm like, how are you going to keep up? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's a party town. | ||
| Burn your ass out. | ||
| You're going to be like, these kids with their fucking noise? | ||
| Be out in the backyard, hearing music and people laughing. | ||
| That's where people go when they want to party. | ||
| Miami. | ||
| If like a young kid and they're not doing shit with their life, like, I think I'm gonna move to Miami. | ||
| It's like, oh boy. | ||
| Gonna get my party on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe be a DJ. Hey, to each his own, if that's what you want to do. | |
| What do you think you would have done if you weren't a comic? | ||
| I think I would have done something in the art still. | ||
| Maybe even teach art. | ||
| That would have been cool. | ||
| Like illustration? | ||
| Yeah, illustration. | ||
| I like doodling and stuff. | ||
| I've always been into that, and I thought I was going to do that in college, and I ended up getting a business degree in marketing. | ||
| Are you left-handed? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because you do a lot of shit with your left hand. | ||
| I'm noticing you move your... | ||
| When I was younger, I could write with both. | ||
| I pushed myself to do with those. | ||
| So it's like, my left is my dominant, like... | ||
| Not me. | ||
| My left hand is basically useless. | ||
| I broke my forearm once when I was like six, I guess. | ||
| I had to write and draw and shit with my left hand. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| Until I got that cast off and I went right back to old righty. | ||
| Old righty knows how to listen. | ||
| My handwriting isn't great. | ||
| It looks like a little kid wrote it. | ||
| So I would do that on my left because I'm like, they both write the same. | ||
| So what does it matter? | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| When you write, do you write with a computer or do you write on a notebook? | ||
| I write stuff in my little notebook. | ||
| One of the things I got in the habit of doing if I can't get to my little notebook, I just start an email chain with premises for the week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| And then I just email myself. | ||
| And then when I do sit down and write on Friday, I could just pull up the thing and I pull up this thread that I've been replying to myself. | ||
| It's like birthdays and then whatever thing I said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why don't you just store it on your notes? | |
| Because I like to make things difficult, Joe. | ||
| If I'm being honest. | ||
| There's some impairment in here. | ||
| You legitimately like to make things difficult? | ||
| Seriously? | ||
| I like to find a different way of doing it and to see if I can land in a... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like if I can land in a more efficient way or just another way of doing it. | ||
| Well, it seems like it's effective. | ||
| I mean, it's easy to switch from your computer to your phone because you obviously have email on both. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| So it's like it'll be email. | ||
| It could be a legal pad. | ||
| This is what I use for sure. | ||
| And then, you know, I put them up on my wall because I like to be like constantly... | ||
| Like looking at them, so I feel like in the morning when I look, I wake up and I look at the wall, I have the bits and I have a running set list on a whiteboard in my room that I just kind of look at, just look at the set list and then the stuff that I'm working at that I just write long form. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| It's probably not the most efficient way, but it works for me. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| It doesn't matter if it's the most efficient because it's really a lot of it is about time spent thinking about the bits. | ||
| Maybe if it's inefficient, you'd be thinking about it even more. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Seems to me that you're doing everything you have to do, which is you're writing things and organizing things and thinking about it. | ||
| That seems to me what it's about. | ||
| The way it gets better is thinking about it and thinking about it with intent and energy and real focus, really trying to figure out how to make this bit better. | ||
| And the more time you spend doing that, the better your bits are. | ||
| So you're doing all the right steps, whether you do it through email or whether you do it through notes. | ||
| I'm just wondering why you don't do it through Notes or something like that or Evernote. | ||
| I use Evernote too, which is great. | ||
| Oh, Evernote's good. | ||
| I use that for a while because you can put pictures and stuff like that. | ||
| So sometimes I would be inspired by a picture and write the thing or a link, you know, an article. | ||
| Yeah, Evernote's great. | ||
| I just love having that ability to do something that goes straight to your computer too. | ||
| And it's also cross-platform. | ||
| So if you have Windows or Android, it doesn't matter. | ||
| When did you make the switch from paper to computer? | ||
| Because Ian Edwards gives me a hard time. | ||
| He's like, you know, there's computers now. | ||
| Why do you keep writing on a legal pad? | ||
| Well, they say when you write on legal pads, though, you remember it more. | ||
| The yellow. | ||
| The yellow does something to the eye, right? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| No, not just... | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But what I meant was actually physically writing. | ||
| I don't know whether or not the yellow would... | ||
| I think it's cool looking. | ||
| I like the way it looks. | ||
| It looks like I'm serious. | ||
| Like, I'm one of them mathematicians. | ||
| They always write on, like, yellow legal paper when they're... | ||
| They lick the pen before they write for no reason. | ||
| It's like, no, it's not an Inkwell pen. | ||
| It's a regular... | ||
| Weird. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Licking pens. | ||
| Strange people. | ||
| That's how the COVID gets spread, you fucks. | ||
| But I think there's something about actually writing things down that enhances your memory of those things. | ||
| Like if you make a list, if you write that list down, there's something about it stores better. | ||
| It's more accessible. | ||
| I've read that, and I've experienced it. | ||
| So a trick that I got from Kevin James, because we have the same manager, and I didn't have a rider. | ||
| They said, what do you want for a rider? | ||
| I said, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Just water, whatever. | ||
| So they put all the stuff that he gets. | ||
| On my rider. | ||
| Just give him Kevin's rider. | ||
| You know, it's like normal stuff, but also index cards. | ||
| He has index cards and Sharpies with every performance. | ||
| And so I started going over my notes. | ||
| I would go over my notes during the day, you know, do all my writing, write stuff out. | ||
| But then, right before the show, I spent a whole hour just breaking down bits onto little index cards. | ||
| Just bullet points. | ||
| Just get things out. | ||
| Just so it's drilled into my head right there and then. | ||
| Full confidence and I know all the beats, all the moments in order and when to go fast and when to go slow. | ||
| And it seems like just the more time you spend doing stuff like that, it's just better. | ||
| It's just always better. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Yeah, it's good because I feel like you're engaging more parts of your body in writing something. | ||
| You're, you know, you're writing the letter so subconsciously you're tapping into the memory of how do I write this letter, this word, you know, organizing it visually. | ||
| You know, you're holding a pen. | ||
| It's like, Yeah, it really becomes ingrained in the mind, and I think there's something special that I don't see myself walking away from that part of it, but for the sake of remembering the premise, because then there's nothing worse than like, dang it, what was that thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| That's why I really like using notes, because on my iPhone, when I use the notes, I just use that voice-to-text feature. | ||
| Oh, that's great, yeah. | ||
| So when it's slippery and it's in my head like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, why is it that, and then I'll say it, bam, and it comes out perfect. | ||
| Yeah, voice to text is really amazing, too, because sometimes in the process of remembering and writing, some of the words are lost and it's like, no, that wasn't the same. | ||
| It's really good, too. | ||
| So it captures exactly what you need to do. | ||
| I wonder if we could pick up your name. | ||
| My man Jesus is a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Jesus, that's right. | ||
| I got you in there. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| I was wondering, like, would it be... | ||
| Yeah, sometimes the iPhone is like, you know, it's like when you get an Uber or something, it's like, drop off Jesus on the left. | ||
| It's like, oh. | ||
| That always gets a big laugh. | ||
| Or when I do like, I'll get directions somewhere, and once I, it's like, destination on the left, Jesus. | ||
| It's like, what's with the attitude, Siri? | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Now, why is it that that's such a popular name in Spanish? | ||
| It's, you know, it's because it's, you know, Mexico, my parents are from Mexico, and, you know, the predominant religion in Mexico is Catholicism, so it's Jesus, much like, you know, in the Muslim religion in the Middle East would be, yeah, so it's our equivalent, I think. | ||
| I believe it lands somewhere in there. | ||
| Do you know how crazy you have to be to be a white guy to name your son Jesus? | ||
| Bro, you gotta be off the charts crazy. | ||
| If you found out his kid's name is what? | ||
| Right. | ||
| His kid's named Jesus. | ||
| The guy with the beard? | ||
| His fucking kid's name is Jesus? | ||
| Oh my god, we're moving. | ||
| Get your shit, we're moving. | ||
| Call your sister. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| The guy can't live right next door where we sleep. | ||
| Names his kid Jesus. | ||
| I don't want to be here when the ATF breaks down his door, finds out he's running a cult. | ||
| When I went to Mexico, they had the paperwork and my passport and stuff is Jesus Trejo. | ||
| I wrote it just as I would ever. | ||
| And there was a thing that didn't match up, and it was an accent. | ||
| So if you look at it, it's written with English letters. | ||
| So it's like my parents didn't really know how to read or write, so somebody else filled out the paperwork for me, like my birth certificate. | ||
| So it's Jesus Trejo, just like you would see it anywhere else. | ||
| But in Mexico, there's an accent over it. | ||
| You know, there's an accent over the E, Jesus. | ||
| You know, almost like the ñ. | ||
| So technically, I guess, I found that out when I went to Mexico. | ||
| One of the comedians and also when I showed my passport at customs, they're like, it's Jesus. | ||
| It's Jesus Trejo. | ||
| Oh, because it's not Jesus. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it doesn't have that accent. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| Right, like año. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but you're not married to that fucking silly piece of paper. | |
| No, no. | ||
| No, I'm just saying it's like año, you know, the accent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like when the Pope came, it's like because of the accent. | ||
| So it's like Papa is like, you know, Dad, but also it's Potato. | ||
| And it's like somebody had a sign, I don't know if you can see it, it's like, Welcome Potato! | ||
| Like just with the confidence of, you know, Google Translate. | ||
| Can you imagine putting in all that work and it's wrong? | ||
| Spanish has those cool little things that hang out above letters. | ||
| Yeah, that's Enya. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's a whole letter in itself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's kind of dope though. | ||
| You guys get extra letters. | ||
| Do you use all the letters that English uses too? | ||
| All of them? | ||
| Do we use all of them? | ||
| I haven't used Z in a long time. | ||
| Yeah, but there's got to be some. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That are some songs that are some words that end in Z, they're Spanish words, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, I thought in English. | ||
| She's like, do you use all? | ||
| Right, but I'm saying in Spanish. | ||
| Maybe I said it wrong. | ||
| What I meant is like, are there any English letters that, because you have extra ones like Eñe. | ||
| Yeah, año you use a lot, like niña, año for year. | ||
| So you have one more, but do you have all the ones? | ||
| Or double L, like make a Y sound. | ||
| But Spanish and English use all the other, there's not like a letter that Spanish tends to not use, right? | ||
| The English language? | ||
| Yeah, it's all the same. | ||
| There's five extra letters. | ||
| Oh, five extra. | ||
| And then Vikings have those cool little dots and shit over their letters. | ||
| You ever watch that show Vikings? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Norwegian people and Icelandic people. | ||
| They put those weird dots all over the place. | ||
| What is that when they're typing things in Icelandic or in Viking language? | ||
| Icelandic? | ||
| That's, to me, one of the more fascinating things about humans today is that they have this one part of the world where they develop these enormous men. | ||
| These strong men guys. | ||
| These guys are all from Iceland. | ||
| Like a whole bunch of them are from Iceland. | ||
| Like that Game of Thrones guy that played the mountain. | ||
| They're all these monstrously huge people. | ||
| And you're like, well, what is that? | ||
| What the fuck is going on there? | ||
| Well, they're Vikings, bitch! | ||
| This is the leftover Vikings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like they were real. | ||
| There really were a bunch of giant men who marauded their way across the world. | ||
| We're real lucky that now all they try to do is like throw beer barrels over the top of a fence. | ||
| We're lucky. | ||
| We're lucky these guys just like hold on to cars and keep them from sliding down a ramp. | ||
| You see that when they have a handle in each hand and they just hold there? | ||
| We're lucky. | ||
| We're lucky as fuck. | ||
| They would be out there crushing skulls and smashing. | ||
| This is the weird one they have. | ||
| They have a letter that no word starts with. | ||
| It's like the lower case. | ||
| It's after D. It's in between D and E. It's called F? I don't know. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| There was something that popped up there. | ||
| What was that thing that popped up? | ||
| It's probably because I was just hovering over. | ||
| Oh, hover over that O with the two dots over at the end. | ||
| That's what I'm trying to get to. | ||
| Yeah, that's the one I was talking about. | ||
| Like, what is that fucker? | ||
| It's like a character. | ||
| Like, what are you doing here? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They put me here. | ||
| It says O or whatever. | ||
| It's not even saying how to say it. | ||
| Umlaut is the thing above it. | ||
| Oh, Umlaut. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's a character that, like, I know there's a guy, a mathematician, Kirk Godel. | ||
| Don't they use that in his name? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| It's a character that represents the letter from several extended Latin alphabets, the letter O modified with an umlaut or diuresis. | ||
| In many languages, the O or the O modified with an umlaut is used to denote the non-closed front rounded vowels. | ||
| Oh, you know what that is. | ||
| I don't have to explain that to you at all, Jesus. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| The fuck's a non-closed, front-rounded vowel? | ||
| I give up! | ||
| It's too hard, you Viking fucks. | ||
| Go eat your pickled swords. | ||
| It's so fascinating, all the alphabets, even like the Greek alphabet, the alphabet, gamma, delta, you know what I mean? | ||
| And in mathematics, they tend to use that more to assign to variables. | ||
| What's that dope AE right next to it? | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Elon's kid's name, right? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Character formed from the letters A and E. Originally, a ligature representing the Latin diphthong AE. It has been promoted to the full status of a letter in some languages, including the Danish, Norwegian, Icelandic, and Feroz. | ||
| Faroese? | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| What the fuck is that place? | ||
| It was also used in Old Swedish before being changed to an A with two dots above it. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| I've seen it in enema. | ||
| I don't know how it's properly supposed to be said. | ||
| That character looks like when you buy alphabet soup and there's two letters stuck together. | ||
| You're like, oh, wow, I got the special one. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Like SpaghettiOs. | ||
| They pile on top of each other. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| A D that's been attacked by a sword with a backward six. | ||
| And these are Viking languages? | ||
| So it's called orthography. | ||
| Looks like a blossoming number six. | ||
| Icelandic orthography. | ||
| It's dope. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Well, what's really interesting to me is how old it is. | ||
| I mean, how long has that particular language been around for? | ||
| Early 12th century, it says. | ||
| First document referred to as the... | ||
| That's wild shit. | ||
| That's wild shit. | ||
| They just found a horde of Viking stuff. | ||
| I think something was defrosting. | ||
| See if you can find Viking artifacts. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What a crazy time that must have been. | ||
| Never knowing when you wake up, you're going to see a boat full of fucking giant men with swords. | ||
| Just looking to pull up at the beach and start hacking people apart and raping all the women. | ||
| Like, fuck! | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Melting Ice reveals a lost Viking-era pass in Norway's mountains. | ||
|
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|
Wow. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Artifacts show people used the route for a thousand years, then abandoned it, possibly amid a plague. | ||
| Another plague. | ||
| Another plague. | ||
| What is that thing that dude's got in his hand? | ||
| Wouldn't bid for goats, kids, and lambs to prevent them suckling their mother. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because the milk was processed for human consumption. | ||
| So a pacifier? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So they put that in their mouth to make them bite down on it. | ||
| Oh, how weird. | ||
| It looks like the top of a scroll, like a small one. | ||
| And so the humans were stealing the lamb's breast milk. | ||
| And then giving it to their family. | ||
| And then they pour a little lamp. | ||
| I wonder what's going on. | ||
| Trying to suck that tit. | ||
| Like, no, no, no. | ||
| How about you just take a stick in your mouth, you little fuck, and tie it behind your head. | ||
| There's another one. | ||
| Stylus. | ||
| Two more pacifiers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How weird. | |
| Yeah, it's a stylus, right? | ||
| That's what it says. | ||
| It says possible stylus. | ||
| But what would that be used for? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the exact same? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Did they have Galaxy Notes? | ||
| It looks exactly like the one with the little knobs on it. | ||
| It does. | ||
| You can click the top of it and change. | ||
| Have you ever used the Galaxy Note? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, they're dope. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the real problem is... | ||
| You don't have the same protection. | ||
| It's SMS for text messaging. | ||
| Green bubble, yeah. | ||
| It's just not the best way. | ||
| If you're interested in privacy, it's way easier to intercept your data and the things you're saying. | ||
| It's more secure the way Apple does it, but... | ||
| Um, what they have going for them is this fucking pen where you could draw on anything. | ||
| You could draw on this front screen. | ||
| Like, if you want to take notes, you could take notes. | ||
| You could put your notes on the screen of your phone, like, when it's off. | ||
| And then you can swipe. | ||
| Like, you put, like, a hundred pages of notes. | ||
| And you store those notes. | ||
| And you could write them all. | ||
| And they even take the text messages, I'm pretty sure, that you've written and translated into printed font. | ||
| So it'll take... | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's... | ||
| It's pretty amazing. | ||
| The fucking screen is enormous. | ||
| It's an enormous screen with this tiny little dot hole in it. | ||
| So, like, for watching YouTube videos and shit, it's incredible. | ||
| It's just Apple's ecosystem is so seductive. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Once you start using the blue iMessages, and then the big one for me is AirDrop. | ||
| And like I said, hey, AirDrop is so easy. | ||
| Just bloop, it's on there. | ||
| Oh, got it, got it. | ||
| Even video from, like, a laptop to your phone, it's just so easy in both ways, but... | ||
| And with AirDrop, you know, we could be on the top of a mountain with no cell phone service at all, and you could AirDrop me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it's just Bluetooth. | ||
| It's just wireless. | ||
| It's going from phone to phone. | ||
| It doesn't have to be connected to a network. | ||
| It's pretty amazing. | ||
| Yeah, and it's hard. | ||
| Once you get into this whole, like, yeah, once you get into the iPhone of it all, the Apple products, it's like, they got you by every angle. | ||
| You gotta get the iPad. | ||
| They're sneaky. | ||
| The headphones, the works. | ||
| It's good to have competition, but the way they've done it, man, they've made it so attractive that, like, at least 50% of the people, I think, are on iPhones. | ||
| Isn't it like that? | ||
| In America? | ||
| Well, depending on what you want to say, because I just heard something like 82% of all devices are Android. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, that's just because in other places, iPhones are not as attractive because they have more options and they have WhatsApp. | ||
| They use WhatsApp all the time. | ||
| So they do so much of their texting through WhatsApp. | ||
| It doesn't even matter. | ||
| They don't get the green. | ||
| They don't give a fuck. | ||
| In WhatsApp, you could send full pictures and you could do all that shit. | ||
| Yeah, videos, the whole works. | ||
| Yeah, but there's something about, you know, the green text message bubble, you know. | ||
| Here it's like the cone of shame, apparently, you know. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be willing to get away from that. | ||
| Because here's the thing, it doesn't show up like that on an Android phone. | ||
| On an Android phone, you have different themes. | ||
| You can change the colors, you can change the way it looks. | ||
| Yeah, way more flexibility to change the way it looks. | ||
| There's a bunch of different messaging apps that you could use. | ||
| You could have night mode and all kinds of shit. | ||
| 45% of the smartphone users in the United States. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 100 million iPhone users. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a lot. | |
| I've never given it a shot, but... | ||
| It's crazy because it's one company. | ||
| That's what's really crazy. | ||
| Like Android phones. | ||
| You've got Samsung. | ||
| You've got OnePlus. | ||
| You can go down the line. | ||
| You've got, you know, Motorola makes them. | ||
| Everybody makes them. | ||
| Palm still makes cell phones. | ||
| Do they really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They made a tiny one that's like that big. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's so big that you could wear like skin-tight pants and it's just like a tiny little thing that slides into your pocket. | ||
| It wouldn't even look weird. | ||
| The Motorola? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look at the size of this fucker. | ||
| It's hard to see right there, but it's so small. | ||
| Look how big their hand is there. | ||
| Yeah, and I don't know how big that dude's hand is. | ||
| Have you seen the new Motorola razor? | ||
| Maybe guys like to paint their nails, bro. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Tate likes to paint, or he used to at least. | ||
| But look how tiny he is. | ||
| Look how little. | ||
| So there's a lot of people who are like, I'm sick of being fucking completely digitally connected. | ||
| I just want to be able to text people when I want to. | ||
| Two ounces. | ||
| Yeah, so I'll just take this little ass thing with me and just give myself a little break. | ||
| Like, if I need to call somebody, it's there. | ||
| And the way I think it is, this is one of them, but the other one that they had syncs up with their bigger phone. | ||
| So they had a bigger phone they could leave at home. | ||
| So it's almost like... | ||
| A more usable version of an Apple Watch. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| They might not have that anymore because this is just palm.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is all that they have on there. | |
| Designed for life on the go. | ||
| They're down to that one. | ||
| Have you seen the Razer? | ||
| It's like the tiny thing. | ||
| There's like a new version that folds in half and then opens up to the thing. | ||
| That's pretty cool looking. | ||
| This looks like such an iPhone clone though. | ||
| Doesn't it? | ||
| Like look at the way the camera is set up in the back. | ||
| You can't trick me, bitch. | ||
| Scroll up a little bit so I can see those photos of the... | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| That's a fucking iPhone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh no, we put it on the other side. | ||
| Even the Google phone is pretty similar, right? | ||
| No, iPhone's on the left. | ||
| We're on the right. | ||
| Totally different. | ||
| Same thing, bitch. | ||
| I think phones are doing the same thing that cars, like car companies do that, you know, they kind of go with a certain chassis and they dress it up in their own way. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's definitely a lot of that. | ||
| Well, there's, you know, there's companies that make the components, you know, like Samsung makes most of the screens for iPhones. | ||
| So even though iPhone is a different company, the screens are being made by a company outside. | ||
| But the only thing that separates Apple in that regard is that Apple makes their own processors, I think. | ||
| Isn't it exclusively to Apple? | ||
| The A12 chip? | ||
| Yeah, the Bionic thing. | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| And it's supposedly the best cell phone chip. | ||
| Then with Samsung, they can choose between the Snapdragon. | ||
| So they have the Snapdragon series. | ||
| What is it, like the 865 or something like that? | ||
| Specs-wise, they've got to be pretty close, right? | ||
| They're real close. | ||
| They're super close. | ||
| But that's what I was saying about the Note that I have. | ||
| It's fast as fuck. | ||
| And the new ones, the thing about the new ones is they have 120Hz refresh rate. | ||
| I haven't experienced that, but I have experienced that with TVs and video games, monitors. | ||
| When you play Quake on them at a very high refresh rate, it's amazing. | ||
| A high frame rate makes the thing so much smoother and cooler looking. | ||
| They say your eye can only register 30 frames per second, but I don't know if that's really true. | ||
| Do you think it's more or less? | ||
| I think you could see more, because when they ramp it up, the difference between 30 and 90 is pretty prevalent. | ||
| I think most phones are at 60 hertz. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah, they're starting to get up into 120 right now. | ||
| Yeah, so apparently there's a big benefit, and Samsung has that. | ||
| So when you scroll, like if you get one of their new Galaxy S20s, and you scroll with it, it's like buttery smooth, apparently. | ||
| Everybody tries and says it's intoxicating. | ||
| So it's so fun to use just because of that refresh rate. | ||
| But Apple's going to come up with that next, too. | ||
| Yeah, they're going to be toe-in-toe. | ||
| But I think the main thing, I think, why people almost gravitate toward an iPhone, it's like the camera. | ||
| It's like when somebody on Instagram posts a picture from a Samsung, you know it's a Samsung. | ||
| And this one just has a little more depth of field. | ||
| I think that used to be the case. | ||
| Oh, not anymore? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| No, the new Samsung Galaxy S20s. | ||
| There's a thing called the S20 Ultra. | ||
| It's one of the most ridiculous cameras you've ever seen on a phone ever. | ||
| Dude, it's got a 108 megapixel. | ||
| No way. | ||
| 108 megapixel lens. | ||
| Don't get caught up in that 108 number though, because it's just a number, it's like a data number. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's the same thing with the zoom, right? | ||
| Like the zoom is a lot of it's digital zoom, right? | ||
| Yeah, it still has a lot to do with the optics and the glass that's going in there and then the sensor that it's them being going on to that can give you a better or worse picture. | ||
| But it used to be a big deal to have like a 5 megapixel camera on a phone. | ||
| Now they're up to 108. They have these gigantic camera bumps in the back of these cameras now because they have actual zoom lenses that are mechanical zoom lenses and then they have digital zoom. | ||
| And then they're doing night vision. | ||
| Not night vision, but night mode where they'll take a photograph of a dark room and then you can see almost all the details. | ||
| They do that now, don't they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The new iPhones do that now. | ||
| Did you see the infrared issue that came up like a week or two ago? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| There's a brand new phone that had a, which I think it was on a phone like 10 years ago when it came up, but there was like a setting you could do while you were taking a photo. | ||
| It was like an infrared camera filter that allowed you to technically see through stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| It wasn't supposed to do that, but... | ||
| See-through like what? | ||
| So like Lou from Unbox Therapy made a video just showing you what you could see through. | ||
| So you could take a picture of an Apple TV, like the actual physical box, and see through the black plastic to see the internal components. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| And he did it to a shirt. | ||
| He put it underneath his shirt, and you could see through a black shirt. | ||
| Yeah, because it was thin enough for it to kind of... | ||
| It's just the way that the light works with the infrared and what the camera then picks up. | ||
| Wow, so you could have a camera under your shirt and people would have no idea. | ||
| And you're walking around like if a dude's wearing a wire and he's got a camera strapped to his black shirt. | ||
| Or you can take a bunch of pictures of people and have girls not wearing anything. | ||
| Oh my god, you can see right through their clothes? | ||
| They took it out off the phone now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why didn't you tell me first? | |
| You could probably find it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn it. | |
| Well, you make a great point for the Galaxy. | ||
| I'm definitely up to try it, because, I mean, with the iPhones, it's just a constant having to upgrade, and it's like, that one, it seems like it would be good for longer than the iPhone would. | ||
| No, the iPhones actually last longer. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they say, and they also, they'll keep updating your iPhone far longer. | ||
| Like if you buy a Samsung, they're dope phones, but you get like a couple of years out of them and then they stop supporting them. | ||
| They stop supporting them with updates. | ||
| So who do you go with if you're like, I go with this one or you just do both? | ||
| I do both. | ||
| Both. | ||
| I think there's a real benefit to having competitors, and that's one of the reasons why Apple's been forced to really step up. | ||
| Android phones, particularly like Samsung phones and Huawei phones and all these different phones. | ||
| But that is funny. | ||
| They're really stepping up. | ||
| But there was this lady who was working for Huawei who got in trouble because she was posting photos on Instagram for Huawei products using an iPhone. | ||
| They proved that she was using an iPhone to take the pictures and posting them up as Huawei. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wait, she wanted a good picture. | ||
| See, that's what I was telling you earlier. | ||
| You want a good picture, you got to do what I want. | ||
| And then there's Google. | ||
| Google makes their own phones now, too. | ||
| They make the Pixels, and they have some of the best cameras ever. | ||
| Their cameras are incredible. | ||
| The Google Pixels cameras were way ahead of the curve, too. | ||
| There was one of the big selling points about the early Pixel phones was how spectacular their camera was. | ||
| And how seamlessly the phone communicates with the Android system because it's pure Android. | ||
| There's no developer software on it or carrier software. | ||
| It's just straight Google. | ||
| And the updates go immediately to the Google phones. | ||
| Whereas like Samsung... | ||
| When you buy a Samsung phone, if Google updates their operating system, you have to wait a while, maybe even six months, for them to kind of update you to the next, because they have to code it, they have to get it, but it gets released on the pixels first. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, so that's probably the best move for a straight Android phone. | ||
| Then you're giving all your data. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| All your data. | ||
| Fork it over. | ||
| All your data. | ||
| Where you going, Jesus? | ||
| Where do you eat, Jesus? | ||
| What do you look at, Jesus? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| What should I sell you, Jesus? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Where you been? | ||
| Where you going? | ||
| You know, your flight is at 11 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| How do you know where I'm going, you fuck? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That phone, it's 22 minutes to home if you drive now. | ||
| The whole thing, right? | ||
| How do you know where my home is? | ||
| I didn't even put my home in the fucking phone. | ||
| It knows where you sleep at night. | ||
| Buy a movie ticket, so you better leave now. | ||
| There's traffic. | ||
| Well, how about Tom Papa's story about the fucking Apple Watch? | ||
| His Apple Watch told him he shouldn't have been out during the lockdown. | ||
| He was sneaking away to record sessions for his audiobook, and his Apple Watch was ratting him out. | ||
| I don't think you're home, Tom. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Tom, you should be at home now. | ||
| Stay home, stay safe. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I didn't get to ask him that, but that could have just been very coincidental because I get an Apple Watch update every day from this particular app. | ||
| It just happens at like the same exact time. | ||
| No, no, no, Jamie. | ||
| It was alerting him that he was not in his home and he was supposed to be locked down. | ||
| It was saying it knows you're outside your home, you fuck. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Bro. | ||
| It was a polite way of saying, hey, you're not home. | ||
| Hey, sign me out. | ||
| Done. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| It's ratting me out. | ||
| It's angry at me. | ||
| It's giving me advice. | ||
| Shouldn't you be home? | ||
| Aren't you a fucking watch? | ||
| The watch got a cash reward for telling somebody. | ||
| I'm not looking for advice from my watch. | ||
| Just you tell me what time it is, and if I want something, I'm going to go to you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Don't they got the watches, too? | ||
| It's time to stand up. | ||
| It's like, oh, okay. | ||
| Yes, they do that, too. | ||
| You've been sitting for an hour, Bob. | ||
| Shouldn't you stand up and move around? | ||
| Okay, I guess I'm stretching now. | ||
| What do you do if Bob's a lazy fuck and he's working for you? | ||
| Like, Bob, you're supposed to be working on this project. | ||
| Well, my watch says differently. | ||
| My watch says I need to stretch out. | ||
| I'll be up here for the next ten minutes at least. | ||
| Let me do my job to the best of my ability. | ||
| That includes moving. | ||
| Bob is in HR, so what happened? | ||
| My watch said I needed to stand up and go for a walk. | ||
| I've been sitting too long. | ||
| That's hysterical. | ||
| Yeah, how long before it's like a little robe that sits on your shoulders? | ||
| Tells you what to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Right. | ||
| A little angel. | ||
| That's what's coming on the new iOS 13.5. | ||
| I updated it the other day and there was a notification that said it allows your phone to pop up to type in your passcode faster because it'll know if you have a face mask on. | ||
| This is the first step, they're saying, because there's going to be some app to notify you. | ||
| They need a fucking fingerprint reader. | ||
| Everybody else has a fingerprint reader. | ||
| Listen, man, it's real simple. | ||
| Sony has theirs in a brilliant spot. | ||
| They have theirs where the power button is. | ||
| You put your finger on there, and as you're pressing it, you just press it, press the power button, and it's a fingerprint reader. | ||
| The iPhones have it, but I guess the newer ones, they got rid of it, right? | ||
| They got rid of it, but Sony has a dope new phone. | ||
| It's the Xperia something 2.1 or something like that. | ||
| I forget what the fuck it's called, but they just came out with it. | ||
| And they're... | ||
| They have insane cameras. | ||
| Yeah, their camera game is just off the charts. | ||
| Yeah, because Sony has history with making the best digital cameras, or some of the best digital cameras. | ||
| So they have that along with this screen, and the screen is designed for the same aspect ratio as movies. | ||
| So it's like it fits perfectly with the movie. | ||
| It's kind of odd. | ||
| It's like long and thin. | ||
| It's shaped different. | ||
| Like the iPhone is designed to be an iPhone. | ||
| And when you watch a movie, it just fits or it doesn't fit on the screen. | ||
| Like, why are you watching a movie on your phone? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You know, eat that board. | ||
| But with this. | ||
| Like with the 4K? With the Sony one. | ||
| What is this, Jamie? | ||
| The eyeball thing. | ||
| Their promo video for it. | ||
| Oh, it's like something out of the Terminator. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a dope phone. | ||
| Yeah, it's the 1-2. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Weird name. | ||
| Very weird name. | ||
| Try getting your mother to remember that. | ||
| Ma, give me one of them Experias. | ||
| What is he saying? | ||
| Yeah, it's the 1-2. | ||
| What is a fucking 1-2? | ||
| It's not Spanish or English. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| The 2-1? | ||
| You got a 21 phone? | ||
| Can you say 12, 1, 2? | ||
| So what is all this jazz doing? | ||
| It's showing the AI technology built into it right now. | ||
| This stuff is starting to get interesting with these cameras and what you can do and the devices and things it recognizes as instantly. | ||
| And what is it doing right there? | ||
| Right there I think it was checking like It looked like it was looking at pineapples and whatnot, but there's some new apps right now. | ||
| If you want to get, for instance, this computer or a new shoe, you can tap in the thing, like, show it to me, and you can now turn your camera onto this table, and it will show you what it will look like sitting on your table. | ||
| You can change the angles and see what this new thing you want to buy will look like in your space. | ||
| That would be amazing if you were an interior designer, and you're trying to set up someone's house, and you'd be like, look, look what we could do here. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| And then they look at their phone? | ||
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| Is it the same technology for eyeglasses? | ||
| You know how you can try on eyeglasses without being in the store now? | ||
| Yeah, that show you what you look like? | ||
| Yeah, so you're literally like this, and you're like, well, let me see the thick frame ones. | ||
| It's like, goosh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Yeah, you don't have to go in store anymore. | ||
| You can move around a little like a Snapchat filter. | ||
| Yeah, and it's already like, I don't know, it takes measurement, so when you move it, it's like... | ||
| Yeah, looks fine. | ||
| The same technology, I guess, that you would see when the girls do the things with the puppy dog nose and the ears. | ||
| Yeah, same thing, technically. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| This glasses, this glasses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The future's going to be very strange, Jesus. | ||
| Very strange. | ||
| Does it scare you? | ||
| I'm concerned. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm always concerned. | ||
| Because I'm, look, and something like this pandemic sort of just highlights why I'm concerned. | ||
| Like, the world's crazy. | ||
| Fucking, the world is really crazy. | ||
| Anything can happen out there. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, whether it's technology or pandemics or asteroid impacts or just death, just mortality, just getting old and dying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The world is really weird. | ||
| You should be concerned. | ||
| Because there's a lot of shit going on that has nothing to do with you, that can affect you in an insane way, like what happened in Minneapolis, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, if you were a person who had a building there, and all of a sudden your building's on fire because some fucking cop was a piece of shit, What do you do now? | ||
| Your whole life got changed overnight by something that had nothing to do with you. | ||
| That's the risk we run by being a human in society. | ||
| It's a risk we run. | ||
| And we also benefit from it, but that's also part of the thing. | ||
| Things are happening. | ||
| No one saw this pandemic coming in fucking October of last year. | ||
| No one thought that this time next year we'd all be sick of being locked down for over two months and everybody would be sick of all this shit and wanting to get back to work. | ||
| And as comics, it'd be the first time in our careers. | ||
| What is the longest time before this that you didn't do stand-up? | ||
| A while, yeah. | ||
| I took a longer break because I had to take care of my folks or whatever. | ||
| Oh, you did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you've done this already? | ||
| Yeah, and it doesn't feel good. | ||
| And you're still holding on for dear life, much like what we're doing now. | ||
| We're writing. | ||
| We're like, oh, this is cool. | ||
| Now there's online shows. | ||
| I've tried those, but they could never replace what stand-up is. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I guess it's practice. | ||
| I guess it's practice. | ||
| But still, it's like we already got a taste of what it's like over there. | ||
| And we're like... | ||
| This is cool, but it's Splenda. | ||
| That's the real sugar over there. | ||
| It's a substitute that can never replace the real thing. | ||
| Do you think you'd be more appreciative when you get back to be able to do regular shows? | ||
| Yeah, I think so too. | ||
| And I think it sheds a certain level of Hey, what's up? | ||
| It's just like, hey, let's get to the real stuff because this is valuable time. | ||
| The only commodity in life that's worth anything is time. | ||
| So now it's like, hey, make it count. | ||
| I feel like I've always had a certain level of urgency in stand-up because I love it and trying to make a buck, I guess, to provide for my family. | ||
| But even now with the pandemic and to see how scarce and how fragile life is, it's like, this is what I want to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and it's provided many of the great opportunities of my life to be able to take care of my folks. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It's just, yeah, I'm going to go back and, yeah, I can't wait to go back. | ||
| It's like I miss it. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I want to do a good job. | ||
| Yeah, it's also exciting for you, too, because this is a big break right after a set that you put out on Showtime, so you get a chance to really think about what you want to start talking about next. | ||
| It's like a rebirth, like a rebuilding, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those are dangerous times, but exciting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's, you know, that spectrum is reflective of where I was leading up to it. | ||
| And, you know, moving forward, I want to show growth. | ||
| I mean, I don't want to be the same person and stagnant, a different style, you know, talk about more real stuff or, you know, whatever it is. | ||
| I just don't want it to be the same where it's predictable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to do that. | ||
| I want to keep people guessing. | ||
| It's such an exciting fucking occupation. | ||
| Such an exciting art form. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Everything I could ever hope for, there's a direct line to it out of stand-up. | ||
| Working the store, working the parking lot, and parking cars, and going through the system there at the store. | ||
| Stand-up has... | ||
| It's given me a lot. | ||
| I mean, it's my therapy. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| I feel like it sounds cheesy, but it's like the reason I'm alive is because of stand-up. | ||
| It's provided for me. | ||
| It's given me an outlet to talk about when things aren't going well. | ||
| I mean, what other job could I do that? | ||
| And actually enjoy it and have a fun time with other people having a good time. | ||
| Like part of the fun of stand-up is watching other people laugh at your stuff. | ||
| So you're like literally making them feel better. | ||
| You're affecting them. | ||
| And there's part of that that's like when you leave and everybody had a good time and they enjoy the show, it feels good. | ||
| Like, all right, you guys feel good. | ||
| All right. | ||
| And there's an adrenaline where it's like you can't go home and go to bed. | ||
| No way. | ||
| You're up till 2, 3 in the morning. | ||
| That's why it was generally... | ||
| I haven't written anything in the entire pandemic. | ||
| I haven't written shit. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, I was going through all that Spotify stuff, so that was a little weird. | ||
| And then the pandemic hits, and I said, I think, because I'm not going to be able to do stand-up, I'm going to just chill. | ||
| I'm going to take care of my health, work out a lot, eat real good, make sure that I dot my I's and cross my T's. | ||
| But also, really... | ||
| Let this settle in. | ||
| If I'm going to talk about this in joke form, I want to know what I really think about it. | ||
| And my thinking of it changed. | ||
| I was real scared about it in the beginning, and then I'm not really at all anymore. | ||
| I'm more concerned with people's health. | ||
| I think the better message is not to be scared of a disease that kills such a small percentage of the population. | ||
| I think a better concern is to look at that small percentage of the population, no matter how tragic it is, look at that number and say, how do we decrease that number far further? | ||
| Can we do it with exercise and diet and nutrition? | ||
| And the answer is yes, but you don't hear that promoted. | ||
| You don't hear anything from our politicians about how to get that number lower other than stay away from each other, wear a mask, wash your hands. | ||
| Stay home. | ||
| Stay safe. | ||
| There's no talk of making the population healthier overall. | ||
| The governor should go on television or do a YouTube video or whatever with someone who's a bona fide nutrition expert, maybe some Rhonda Patrick-type character, who could sit down with them on TV and go, these are the strategies. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That we want to employ as a society to protect ourselves from any kind of disease. | ||
| And we're going to strengthen our immune system. | ||
| And here's the stats that we found. | ||
| Through improving your health and increasing your immune system and just increasing your cardiovascular activity and making a better diet for yourself. | ||
| We're going to drop our mortalities by 50% across the board. | ||
| So 50% of the people that would die if they kept doing what they're doing right now won't die. | ||
| If someone had some kind of stats like that, I just made that number up, but it's probably accurate, and then got on TV with a government, then that's real leadership. | ||
| Then you're really showing people something that can help them. | ||
| Not just saying, stay away, we'll tell you when you can get back your freedom, but right now you can't. | ||
| Tell people what to do to make them healthier. | ||
| If they're going to listen to you about staying home, you don't think they're going to listen to you about drinking water and stop drinking soda and eating sugar and eating bullshit? | ||
| You don't think they'd listen to you about that? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they'll give up their fucking job for you and stay home and let their business go under? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| And I think it's telling of like the Western versus Eastern way of looking at medicine and health. | ||
| You know, it's like Eastern medicine, it's a very preventative approach to things. | ||
| And here it's more, let's attack the problem. | ||
| But now there's a codependency of medications or, you know, stuff like that. | ||
| I think this should be both, man. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Yeah, mix them both. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For sure you should be preventative, but for sure you want the best surgeons, the best virologists, the best people that are making antibiotics. | ||
| You want people that know how to save lives, but you also want to know How to prevent your body from ever getting into a vulnerable position with things that aren't vulnerable for a lot of people. | ||
| It's not trying to shame people, like health shame them, but we know for a fact that some people catch this virus and it doesn't do anything to them. | ||
| And then other people get devastated by it. | ||
| How much of that's genetic? | ||
| How much of that is things that they can control? | ||
| So many variables. | ||
| There's a lot of variables, but we have some answers and they should be talking about that. | ||
| Yeah, and it's like too much of either one extreme is not good. | ||
| It's like trying to find the equilibrium point of, you know, Eastern and Western, like you said, good surgeons, but also like how do we prevent it? | ||
| Are we eating what we're supposed to, like you said, water, exercise? | ||
| And there's so many things, but I don't know. | ||
| It's a challenge, you know? | ||
| It is, but it's also why... | ||
| People don't get good programming from the people around them. | ||
| When you say someone's being programmed, it's not always bad. | ||
| Sometimes someone can program you just by virtue of living with them to develop more discipline, because you see it by example, and it makes you want to raise the bar. | ||
| It makes you want to do good yourself. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And a lot of kids are getting programmed the opposite way. | ||
| They're getting programmed by slothful, lazy parents and their families full of shit. | ||
| They're liars and thieves and you're getting processed by that. | ||
| You're eating terrible. | ||
| Everybody eats terrible. | ||
| You're drinking beer every night. | ||
| Everybody drinks beer every night. | ||
| And you're just in a fucking real bad pattern. | ||
| You don't know anybody that you can model on. | ||
| Like, one of the things that we're lucky about with stand-ups is we get to see these other successful stand-ups come in and work out material. | ||
| You get to kind of... | ||
| I see what the landscape's like. | ||
| I kind of get a map of the territory. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that don't have a map of the territory around them of a successful, healthy life. | ||
| They don't know what to do. | ||
| So they've been doing it their shitty way forever because everybody around them does it that way. | ||
| Well, they're conditioned. | ||
| I think that's, you know, the root of a lot of problems. | ||
| You know, it's like, you know, me growing up in East Long Beach, you know, as a kid in the early 90s, it's like, it was conditioning. | ||
| It's like, how does one follow a path of staying, you know, educating themselves, whether it's going to college or not? | ||
| Not saying that that's the correct way, but it's like, if you're never exposed to anything else and only a certain lifestyle, it's like you become conditioned and conditioned. | ||
| You know, this is the end-all, be-all. | ||
| It's like, no, you have to open your eyes, but you hope that the person has enough, you know, intelligence to, like, you know, what's over there, you know? | ||
| It's like, ask questions, you know? | ||
| But yeah, you gotta condition somebody. | ||
| Conditioning somebody could be bad, but also conditioning somebody to ask questions. | ||
| Well, even if someone's not conditioning you, just by providing an example of what's possible, providing inspiration, you can model after that person, and you can get a lot of shit done that you wouldn't ordinarily get done. | ||
| That's one of the beautiful things about the internet, that you can have these conversations with variants, like Kevin Hart, like the other day. | ||
| You know people listen to Kevin Hart talk and you just want to run through a building? | ||
| You listen to him talk like, I'm going to get shit done! | ||
| He's so motivational. | ||
| First of all, he's so successful. | ||
| And not just successful in one realm. | ||
| He's so successful in so many different realms. | ||
| And he's always hustling, always moving, always hustling, always moving. | ||
| But there was a point where he wasn't successful, but he still put stuff in motion and eventually he became successful. | ||
| And it's, you know, again, when you say the word programming, I listen to that and it's like, hey, we also have the opportunity to program ourselves. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What are you reading? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Are you spending time, you know, watching unboxing videos instead of, you know, some documentary or some reading, even an audiobook? | ||
| I mean, my goodness, now we could have any book here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's like, it's also personal choice. | ||
| And sometimes it's like, hey, man, you can only help somebody that wants to be helped, essentially. | ||
| You know, it's like, if you want to be helped, there's resources, there's books. | ||
| I mean, the... | ||
| The LA County Libraries. | ||
| There's a plethora of resources. | ||
| You can get a GED. If you don't have one, you can do it online. | ||
| You can learn a language. | ||
| You can get access to magazines that someone might not afford it. | ||
| You know, it's like the stuff is there. | ||
| If you want it, you'll get it. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| Someone's just got to kind of show you how to do it and show you it can be done or you see someone who is doing it. | ||
| You know, there's always like every neighborhood has this one guy who's kind of got his shit together, gets up early and goes jogging. | ||
| He's always reading books. | ||
| You know, like remember that growing up? | ||
| There was always like a guy who was disciplined. | ||
| You know, when I first kind of like tapped into that was in high school. | ||
| I went to Wilson High School and there was a program that came in. | ||
| It's called Cameo. | ||
| And it was, you know, retired women from the city of Long Beach that would come in and kind of mentor students. | ||
| And you would get an internship job, you know, at the end of that. | ||
| And I went through the program. | ||
| It was like 10th grade, 11th grade and senior year. | ||
| They would do that. | ||
| And I remember my first internship. | ||
| Now, they were exposing me to a world that I had no idea. | ||
| I didn't know how to tie a tie. | ||
| I didn't know if you weren't supposed to wear white socks when you wear a suit. | ||
| I didn't know none of that. | ||
| I didn't know where the placement of forks were because that wasn't something I needed to know. | ||
| What I knew how to do was how to work with my dad. | ||
| I knew how to fix a lawnmower. | ||
| I knew how to fix a weed whacker, take it apart. | ||
| It was a two-stroke motor. | ||
| I knew all of that. | ||
| But not putting white socks on when I wore a suit... | ||
| I wore the white socks, and it's like I'm learning how to tie a tie, but they exposed me to this other realm of being a professional and reading. | ||
| I remember they gave me the book of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a starting point. | ||
| It's a great starting point. | ||
| It's a great starting point. | ||
| But if all I'm getting is my buddy saying, hey, read this book, and it's just some leisure book, that does me no good. | ||
| Sometimes they say that one thing that leisure books do is it familiarizes you with the way people behave and talk when not around you and the way people think that people behave and talk when not around you. | ||
| It gives you a sense of things that are happening that you're not exposed to. | ||
| Your presence doesn't affect them. | ||
| So you get to – there's something about – there's an observing effect that actually enhances your understanding of people by reading fiction. | ||
| This is – I'm probably butchering this idea, but I think that's the thought behind it is that there is something to fiction that kind of benefits you in a way that regular nonfiction doesn't. | ||
| necessarily do. | ||
| It's another layer of something, another layer of experiences, another layer of information. | ||
| How do you exercise creativity if you're not reading something that's so outlandish that wouldn't be real under gravity laws that govern this world? | ||
| Or even just scary shit like Stephen King stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It changes your ideas of how you look at the world. | ||
| It changes your ideas of creativity, right? | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| It's a way of exercising it, expanding it, and find parameters that you didn't know existed and beyond that. | ||
| I mean, it's like the universe. | ||
| Creativity is like the universe. | ||
| It's never ending, ever expanding. | ||
| When you come up with a joke, do you ever get that feeling like, where is this coming from? | ||
| Where's this idea coming from? | ||
| All of a sudden you have this idea and you start laughing at yourself like, ah! | ||
| Where did that come from? | ||
| What is this thing that gets boiled down into comedy? | ||
| What is that thing? | ||
| Like, where does the mind go to access or tap into these premises of, you know, exploring it and finding... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's like, you know, I think the mind has a... | ||
| We as humans, I feel like we have a very specific way of recognizing patterns. | ||
| We're people of patterns, you know, if we like to recognize it. | ||
| And it's almost oddly satisfying. | ||
| We see something, we're like, oh, okay, wait a minute. | ||
| I'm onto something. | ||
| Because we like the feeling, the endorphins we get when we figure something out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I think, you know, where do we come up with this joke? | ||
| I think it's a series of neurons firing and recognizing a certain pattern that seems correct. | ||
| You know, it's almost like rhyming something. | ||
| It's like, oh, you know, jump up. | ||
| It's like, oh, okay, okay, I see what this is going on. | ||
| You're creating something. | ||
| But in comedy, there's certain things that need to fire off and a certain sequence that feels fulfilling. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's something fulfilling about watching someone do it, too. | ||
| When someone nails a sequence of words and puts it together with a fat punchline, boom! | ||
| Nothing better, man. | ||
| And you're watching in the back going, bah! | ||
| Oh, it's so exciting. | ||
| It's like watching someone dance. | ||
| It's watching someone pull off a pirouette and land on their feet perfect. | ||
| Watching a back handspring and a tuck just perfectly nailed. | ||
| There's something about it, man. | ||
| There's something about a person creating something. | ||
| Whatever it is, man. | ||
| Whether it's a book or a song or a joke. | ||
| It feels good, yeah. | ||
| And I think that it does, like, creativity in itself. | ||
| It's, like, such a wonderful thing because it keeps, like, depression and anxiety at bay because it's like there's something satisfying. | ||
| It's like we're hooked to completing a task. | ||
| We're hooked to, you know, seeing a premise thought out to completion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's all sorts of different kinds of depression, but for some people, there is definitely depression of being stagnant, which is one of the things that scares me the most about this pandemic, is mental health, people's mental health, being locked down for all these months, and especially, you know, I had Adam on the other day, Adam Egott. | ||
| Bro, he ain't going anywhere. | ||
| He's not around anybody. | ||
| He doesn't have a girlfriend, so he's just, like, stuck in his apartment by himself, getting weird. | ||
| Water rots when it doesn't move, you know? | ||
| So you gotta give it movement. | ||
| Also, we're all, especially as comics, we're all so social. | ||
| We have such a community there. | ||
| Everybody's so huggy and real friendly there. | ||
| Even the ones that say that they're anti-social, it's like there's still a level of socialness that you need as part of your concoction that you call life. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I don't buy those people. | ||
| I just think they get easily annoyed. | ||
| I don't buy that they're really anti. | ||
| You have no patience. | ||
| Yeah, because if you were in solitary, man, you'd be begging for people. | ||
| No one's really a loner. | ||
| There's a reason that solitary confinement is a punishment for people. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Ted Kaczynski was a real loner, but he was a fucking psychopath. | ||
| Like, you don't want to be that. | ||
| Like, the idea of just being fine forever by yourself. | ||
| That just means your time with people is so bad. | ||
| Loneliness feels better than being around people. | ||
| The loneliness, the thing that drives us crazy, for them, it's a relief of the pain that's stronger than loneliness that they feel when they're around people. | ||
| They're so... | ||
| There's a pain that they don't want to project. | ||
| There's like a psychological thing that they don't want to project the loneliness that they have onto somebody, but, you know, the mind is so clogged up that, you know, they can't see through that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's difficult. | ||
| Yeah, it's such a crazy... | ||
| But the comedy store is not. | ||
| I mean, it's so overwhelmingly friendly. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's really cool and very welcoming. | ||
| I mean, the saying that it takes a village to raise a kid. | ||
| I thought it was an idiot. | ||
| Does it take a village to raise an idiot? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Or every idiot has a village. | ||
| Or a funny idiot. | ||
| In this case, it takes a whole comedy store to raise a funny idiot. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| It is a village to raise a kid. | ||
| That is the expression. | ||
| But there's an idiot, village idiot expressions. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
| Sorry. | ||
| It's some marijuana talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It takes a village to raise a kid and the comedy store is like a village that raises all of us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| You know, I look at my short... | ||
| You know, time in comedy, you know, these 13 years, and it's been the people that I've met, the people that have given me opportunity, you know, and, you know, all these things that happen along the way to get to an hour special. | ||
| This is a dream come true, but it's like, this is not a lone wolf sport. | ||
| Nobody gets here just... | ||
| No, I did it. | ||
| It's like, hey, man, people get... | ||
| Took chances on you, gave you opportunities, stuck your neck out for you, maybe gave you an opportunity when you weren't ready. | ||
| And I got a lot of those along the way, and people taking you under their wing. | ||
| It's a culmination of that. | ||
| Yeah, and I think it's something that we all enjoy. | ||
| We all enjoy watching others come up. | ||
| We all enjoy working together. | ||
| The comics that are all very friendly and get along together so well, one of the things that I think we all share is this sense of camaraderie. | ||
| Everyone's happy when people are doing well. | ||
| Everyone's happy when someone puts out a new special. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun to watch. | ||
| And it's also fun to watch comics give unconditionally. | ||
| Like you said, happy to see somebody do well. | ||
| You've given opportunity to so many. | ||
| You're essentially the new Johnny Carson. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Spotify? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Johnny Carson didn't get a Spotify deal like that. | ||
| There was no Spotify. | ||
| He would have definitely got it. | ||
| Well, that's my point. | ||
| But you know what I mean. | ||
| I know what you're saying. | ||
| You've created a platform where you co-sign people and you do it unconditionally. | ||
| I think that's very awesome to see. | ||
| Well, it's a beautiful benefit of this. | ||
| If there's people that you like that are nice people, you can blow them up. | ||
| You know, you can help them. | ||
| Give them a little push. | ||
| Let everybody else know why you like them. | ||
| You know, look, look, this guy's cool as fuck. | ||
| And you're paying it forward. | ||
| I'm sure people did that for you coming up, you know, coming up in Boston to, you know, coming out here in L.A. and doing your thing. | ||
| Definitely got some good advice from a lot of headliners and shit. | ||
| And all that stuff helps. | ||
| And one of them, Lenny Clark, I'm still friends with to this day. | ||
| I opened for him the second time I ever got paid. | ||
| He gave me a bunch of great advice. | ||
| And that was after Lenny was on HBO. And for me, I was like, I can't believe. | ||
| It was hard to imagine. | ||
| The goal back then was just to be a professional. | ||
| Just to somehow or another figure out a way to make money from comedy where I didn't need a day job. | ||
| That was the ultimate goal. | ||
| Did you put any money away before the pandemic? | ||
| Yeah, I always got into a groove of like trying to save a little bit. | ||
| It's not much, but it's like, you know, I learned that from my parents. | ||
| You know, my mom, she comes from a very big family. | ||
| And my mom would say that, you know, because they couldn't afford a lot of food and they had so many kids that every time they bought rice or beans or whatever it was, my grandmother would take a handful and just put it away. | ||
| She's like, we're able to make this. | ||
| It's like we never had it. | ||
| And before you knew it, it's like if some, if, you know, My grandfather did a job for somebody, you know, growing crop and they weren't able to pay them right away. | ||
| It's like, there was still something to get us by. | ||
| So it's always like, even when times are tough, that little fistful of grain will do you well in the future. | ||
| I bet there'll be a lot more of that from everybody now in terms of, like, don't live outside of your means. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Keep it more conservative. | ||
| Be more careful with what you spend your money on because, you know, all that stuff could come... | ||
| I mean, it's way better to have a storage of money and food where you could last a few months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what people are finding out now. | ||
| And again, yeah, it's like I found that out, the saving part, because it's like, you know, I got two parents. | ||
| I provide for my folks. | ||
| So it's like, it's not me. | ||
| It's not a very much just worrying about me. | ||
| I got to worry about, you know, my kids, essentially. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Well, isn't that beautiful that you do that too, man? | ||
| And it gives you an extra sense of purpose. | ||
| You know, you can't be lazy, man. | ||
| You have other people that count on you. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| My dad looking at me was like, what are you doing? | ||
| He's sleeping. | ||
| It's 8 a.m. | ||
| You're still sleeping? | ||
| He's like, no, I'm up early. | ||
| I go to bed late and I'm up early. | ||
| I run on very little sleep. | ||
| Yeah, that's beautiful. | ||
| When you have that sense and you can't be... | ||
| Don't you think that's the number one thing that fucks comics over is being lazy? | ||
| One of them. | ||
| It's definitely an element of it. | ||
| It stems there and it grows into something else. | ||
| And, you know, we're all guilty of it. | ||
| There's moments of, you know, you almost have to allow yourself to be lazy at times just to know what it's like, you know? | ||
| Well, there's a real argument for creativity being stirred on by boredom. | ||
| We never allow ourselves to be bored because we're always checking our phone. | ||
| I always trick myself into, well, I'm just going to go look through my Google News feed and I'll probably find something really incredible to talk about. | ||
| But most of the time, we're just staring at bullshit. | ||
| Most of the time. | ||
| But when you put that fucker away and you're just bored, That's when you start thinking about shit, when you're just bored. | ||
| Sometimes like when you're doing other things, like when you're commuting, I used to come up with some of my best jokes in my early stand-up years not listening to the radio. | ||
| I used to drive around and when I was driving around with no radio, no nothing, just driving, I would have some of my best ideas. | ||
| Because if I'm listening to fucking Paradise by the Dashboard Light, Ain't no doubt about it. | ||
| I'm thinking about that. | ||
| I'm not thinking about jokes. | ||
| My mind is occupied with the song. | ||
| My mind is occupied with the podcast I'm listening to or whatever. | ||
| But when you're just driving, just doing something, sometimes magical ideas are popping in your head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even sitting under a tree, and the wind's blowing, and you're just looking at the leaves. | ||
| Now cops will come over. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing, man? | ||
| Staring at little girls? | ||
| Yeah, shaved head, just sitting there, like, what are you doing? | ||
| Oh, man, I'm just thinking about, like, what do you think of this premise? | ||
| A hand behind your back. | ||
| It's like, dang it. | ||
| Yeah, if you were just sitting there watching people play in the field, somebody would probably come over and, you all right, man? | ||
| Can I help you with something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just... | ||
| Just watching, just watching people. | ||
| Yeah, even running, like running for a while was a big thing for me where I could just clear my mind and I'd have the worst pace ever of running, you know, but... | ||
| Just doing something. | ||
| Yeah, because the body was moving, so the blood's rushing, you know, so it's circulating. | ||
| It's almost like a, you know, like a neon light. | ||
| You know, sometimes when a neon light doesn't work, you have to move it around so the thing can move and circulate. | ||
| And that's when I would think of stuff. | ||
| A lot of comics, or a lot of writers, I'm sorry, would write and then go for a walk And then listen to their notes while they're walking. | ||
| Yeah, listen to a set too because it's easier to tag somebody than to think in the moment. | ||
| So you're tagging yourself. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I found that to help me so much. | ||
| So much, dude. | ||
| So much. | ||
| There's no pressure in me just sitting at a coffee shop, you know, staring at my iced coffee, seeing the ice cubes melt and listening to my set. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you should have said this. | ||
| You know, you write that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that WeWorkplace, what is that like? | ||
| Is that like a bunch of cubicles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's like a common area, you know, and then they have like, you can pay like a bunch of money for like, the little cubicles that you like open and close and you know, you leave your stuff there. | ||
| But if you just pay for like the common area, it's like it's basically a Starbucks where you're not required to buy coffee. | ||
| And there's a lot of outlets. | ||
| I'm not going to fight some guy for an outlet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's charging his phone all day. | ||
| He's like, hey man, I got one I'm plugging my laptop. | ||
| He's like, oh, you know, that's happened. | ||
| Yeah, that definitely happens. | ||
| Starbucks gets minimized. | ||
| They don't have a lot. | ||
| And you can't charge your laptop on those wireless ports either. | ||
| No, you cannot. | ||
| You can put your phone on those. | ||
| I've tried. | ||
| I waited a long time. | ||
| But yeah, so you go there and they have these meeting rooms. | ||
| So it's like your pass allows you to get these meeting rooms. | ||
| How much does it cost to use one of those places? | ||
| Like $200. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Like a month? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's not bad. | ||
| Yeah, some of them go up to like $300, but it's like the whole month. | ||
| I thought it was like $200 for a day. | ||
| Like, that's crazy. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That seems like a lot of money. | ||
| Yeah, like two-something. | ||
| But it's like, you know, you get coffee there. | ||
| They have coffee? | ||
| Yeah, free coffee or beer, some of them. | ||
| Beer? | ||
| You're getting drunk? | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| WeWork. | ||
|
unidentified
|
WeWork. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a good place for me to go work, and I'm not being stared at by the barista who's like, hey, are you going to buy coffee or not? | ||
| I know that's the coffee cup you bought last week. | ||
| I'm like, dang it. | ||
| Some people really do enjoy working around groups of people, too. | ||
| They feel like they get charged up. | ||
| Do you do that? | ||
| Yes, and that's why I don't ever see myself living in the countryside. | ||
| I need to be around people. | ||
| I get energized. | ||
| For me, it's like looking at people walk by. | ||
| Just people watching, it's meditative. | ||
| New York, if I could, I would pick up and go there and live. | ||
| I just love the busyness of a city. | ||
| Even now, with the COVID? It's probably cheaper the way I look at it. | ||
| Dude, I like how you think. | ||
| I'll take one of those bird masks with me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Well, Jesus, tomorrow night, the day this comes out, it'll actually be tonight, 6 p.m. | ||
| Pacific, 9 p.m. | ||
| Eastern. | ||
| Stay home, son. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Stay at home, son. | ||
| On Showtime. | ||
| Thank you, my brother. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| This means a lot. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| Ooh, we just touched. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| We're crazy. | ||
| Hand sanitizer. | ||
| Love you, buddy. | ||
| Bye. |
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