May 26, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:40:58
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Duh! | ||
| Adam, motherfucking egot. | ||
| How are you, buddy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How are you, brother? | |
| Good to see you, my friend. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| Thanks for having me on. | ||
| Please. | ||
| I'm excited to see you. | ||
| Dude, I haven't seen anybody. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's like you're a long-lost friend. | ||
| It feels that way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it also feels like you're literally the only person I've seen. | ||
| Oh, you haven't left the house? | ||
| Not much. | ||
| I go out on daily walks. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| That's not good for the mental health. | ||
| It's not good at all. | ||
| How are you feeling? | ||
| You all right? | ||
| Yeah, I'm okay. | ||
| I'm watching a lot of Korean baseball. | ||
| Why Korean baseball? | ||
| Because it's the only live sport available. | ||
| Oh, they're playing in Korea already. | ||
| Oh, it's wild. | ||
| The stadiums are empty, but they have cardboard cutouts. | ||
| Oh, no, they don't. | ||
| They have cheerleaders with masks and DJs. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| But it's great. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they use cardboard cutouts in the audience? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just in like the front where the cameras are behind home plate. | ||
| Oh, that's too strange. | ||
| Oh, it's hilarious. | ||
| I think I saw that in a movie once. | ||
| There was a baseball movie and you could clearly see that there was cutouts. | ||
| Because have you ever seen what happens when they take old movies and then they port them over to like Blu-ray? | ||
| No. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| One of the best example is Aliens, the second... | ||
| That's my favorite action movie of all time. | ||
| It's a great fucking movie. | ||
| I don't think it's as good a horror movie as the original one. | ||
| No, it's not a horror movie. | ||
| Because the first one's a horror movie. | ||
| Yeah, it's James Cameron. | ||
| It's just fucking guns blazing. | ||
| It doesn't stop. | ||
| It never stops. | ||
| It's the most adrenaline-fueled movie I've ever seen from beginning in. | ||
| It just keeps progressively getting more intense and more intense. | ||
| And you know what's great about those movies? | ||
| The hero is a woman and no one gives a fuck because they're so good. | ||
| There's no like, oh yeah, it's a diverse movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| It's amazing for women. | ||
| It's not Captain Marvel. | ||
| It's a big moment for women. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's just Sigourney Weaver being a fucking badass fighting the most evil monster movies have ever created. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| Yeah, I love that kind of gender equality. | ||
| When it's just equal because it's awesome and nobody even brings it up. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Linda Hamilton in Trominator 2. It's like, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| You don't need to bring it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's doing the chin up. | |
| You see her fucking back. | ||
| Just intense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's like, I'm gonna fucking kill you. | |
| It's amazing. | ||
| Do you watch Ozark? | ||
| No. | ||
| I watched the first four episodes and then I didn't get back into Ozark. | ||
| The two scariest bitches are women. | ||
| The two scariest ladies in the show. | ||
| The two scariest people in the show are two women. | ||
| Not Laura Linney. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, but she's fucking great, too. | ||
| She's great in everything she's done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's kind of scary, too. | |
| Oh, is she? | ||
| She's kind of scary, too. | ||
| The decisions they're willing to make. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Here's Linda Hamilton doing shit up fucking rough. | ||
| This is pre-CrossFit, bitches. | ||
| There was no CrossFit back then. | ||
| She was a goddamn pioneer. | ||
| She's like, I'm not gonna fucking die. | ||
| In the first one, I had a huge crush on her, and in the second one, she terrified me. | ||
| She was so fucking awesome. | ||
| She's fierce. | ||
| Well, she became more fierce, right? | ||
| She adapted to the world of the Terminators, which doesn't seem that far off from where we're at right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not at all. | |
| We're like closing in on Terminator time. | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| Dude, there's a fucking article I was reading today about a bionic eye that will be available in five years that will be superior to a biological eye. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Within five years. | ||
| And I was going to send it to Michael Bisping. | ||
| Yeah, that's like, how do they even make Black Mirror anymore? | ||
| We're already surpassed it. | ||
| That's what the Black Mirror guy said. | ||
| He's like, I'm not even doing the season. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| The world's too absurd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But my friend Michael Bisping, he's a former UFC middleweight champion. | ||
| Yeah, he's from like Manchester or something? | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| His one eye is super fucked up. | ||
| He's had several detached retinas to the point where it's basically blind. | ||
| He barely can see anything out of one eye. | ||
| From fighting? | ||
| Mm-hmm, from fighting. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bionic eye could offer perfect sight, night vision, within five years. | ||
| Motherfucker! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy. | |
| This is how they're going to get us, man. | ||
| Between Elon Musk and these eyeball people, you're going to be half human. | ||
| Half human in five years. | ||
| This is five years, because five fucking years from now, they're going to have a human eye that you could... | ||
| Like, if you lose your eye, like Dan Crenshaw, he's going to be the first president with a bionic eye. | ||
| He's going to have a bionic eye. | ||
| He's going to have a fucking artificial... | ||
| Super high. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Wait, what happened with the cardboard cutouts? | ||
| You said when they transferred to Blu-ray. | ||
| Yeah, that's marijuana talking for you. | ||
| We went from Korean baseball to Bionic Eye in like two minutes. | ||
| So this is the cutouts. | ||
| They're showing us the cutouts in Korean baseball. | ||
| Oh wait, in soccer they got in trouble because they used the sex dolls. | ||
| Oh, that's not good. | ||
| First of all, if this is in America, everybody would be triggered, because it's all white, lettering on red. | ||
| Like, no! | ||
| MAGA! They're MAGA-ing! | ||
| Oh yeah, robot drummers. | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| It's wild. | ||
| It's like the XFL, but baseball in Korea. | ||
| Seems very strange. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| So anyway, I watched Aliens on Blu-ray, and it's so terrible. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Not the movie itself, but there's one scene where the spaceship is in the foreground and in the background is supposed to be like, you know, some space type shit. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It looks so bad because it was just a painting. | ||
| Right, it's a matte painting. | ||
| Yeah, and because the way they were focusing, you barely could see it, so it was fine in the film when he was watching it in low def on his monitors. | ||
| He's like, perfect, looks great. | ||
| But in high def it looks so fake. | ||
| That makes so much sense. | ||
| They created it based on the technology available at the time. | ||
| Yeah, you shouldn't watch those movies enhanced. | ||
| They should just keep them at the original resolution. | ||
| It's really kind of stupid to do that because there's stuff they made decisions, man. | ||
| Back when special effects weren't the same thing. | ||
| They made decisions. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And they were good decisions. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard to watch some of those in high def. | ||
| You're like ruining the movie. | ||
| Yeah, it takes you out of the whole thing. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| Also, there's something about when they colorize Gone with the Wind stuff. | ||
| Like, hey. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're not supposed to do that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| Yeah, it's ridiculous. | ||
| Like, colorize Schindler's List. | ||
| It's like, what are you doing? | ||
| Yeah, it's like you forgot what color a dress is. | ||
| You forgot what a red dress looks like. | ||
| Bitch, I know what a dress looks like. | ||
| This is a time capsule. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That movie's a time capsule. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Twilight Zone. | ||
| Twilight Zone's my favorite television show of all time. | ||
| I've seen every episode at least five times. | ||
| I would agree with you, and specifically because of the fact that it came first, but I put Black Mirror in that league. | ||
| Black Mirror was so good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Do you have a favorite Black Mirror episode? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The one that you and I watched when we were getting NAD'd, the museum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Black Mirror. | |
| Black Museum. | ||
| Oh, that was a fucking... | ||
| That was horrific. | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
| Goddamn, that was good. | ||
| So good. | ||
| That and Crocodile. | ||
| Crocodile was very underrated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very underrated. | |
| That was a great one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very terrifying. | |
| Terrifying. | ||
| Because you could see, like, a good person making these choices, and these choices accelerate to the point where... | ||
| She was great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's such a good show. | ||
| Yeah, that was a great one. | ||
| I loved the Star Trek one. | ||
| I know it was very popular, but that one was so well done. | ||
| Very good. | ||
| Very creepy, man. | ||
| Very possible, right? | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Look at the Trump one. | ||
| There's so many. | ||
| It was a bad episode, but it came true, basically. | ||
| I didn't see the Trump one. | ||
| It was like Waldo. | ||
| It was like this puppet. | ||
| It was like this mascot who became president. | ||
| And he was just saying all this outlandish shit. | ||
| I haven't seen them all. | ||
| I haven't seen them. | ||
| The problem is he said outlandish shit over the course of X amount of years. | ||
| And if you dissect it, it's like he's just spouting it out all day long. | ||
| The way they do it is they take you out of context and then they change what you are, right? | ||
| Because if you're a guy like Trump who does say ridiculous shit sometimes, particularly before he was ever president, but a lot of people do. | ||
| It's called talking shit, and it's what a lot of people do, right? | ||
| But you can't do that if you ever plan on being president. | ||
| But if you just take all of those talking shit moments and condense them together and go, This is him! | ||
| You're like, oh my god, this is a monster. | ||
| But nobody's like that all day. | ||
| People fascinate. | ||
| They vary. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| There is someone, you know, sometimes the internet really does some great work. | ||
| And yesterday I saw somebody splice together that great soundbite of him suggesting that they inject humans with Clorox. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm not a scientist, but maybe we do that. | ||
| And then there's this great clip with Jim Downey and Billy Madison. | ||
| I don't know if you remember that movie real well. | ||
| I saw that really recently. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| So he's talking all this shit about maybe we can inject it into people. | ||
| I'm not a scientist, but I don't know, maybe something there. | ||
| And then it cuts to Jim Downey and he's like... | ||
| He's like, nowhere in your incoherent ramblings have you said anything that makes any sort of sense. | ||
| Everyone in this room is now infinitely dumber for having listened to it. | ||
| I award you no points. | ||
| And may God have mercy on your soul. | ||
| It was well done. | ||
| Beautiful videos that people will post up as a response to things and it's just like you can't say shit when someone says that. | ||
| They had a great one with Hannah Gadsby cut with like audience. | ||
| I guess I shouldn't talk about that. | ||
| Oh, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| The Apollo. | ||
| Night at the Apollo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That one. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That video is hilarious. | ||
| Ah, I miss the comedy store. | ||
| The internet's undefeated. | ||
| Yeah, man, I miss the Comedy Store, too. | ||
| For people who don't know, like, who's this Adam guy? | ||
| You are the man who got me to come back to the Comedy Store. | ||
| You came to the improv. | ||
| I mean, I appreciate that. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It was my number one goal. | ||
| There was two things that happened. | ||
| The first one was you coming to the improv and talking to me and explaining to me things are different and all the old people. | ||
| We know each other for a long time. | ||
| Well, we knew each other from Tempe. | ||
| Yeah, and then the second thing that got me to do it was Ari, when Ari was having his special there. | ||
| Dude, that was the hardest I ever worked, to get them to greenlight that special. | ||
| It was so important to me, because we love Ari to death. | ||
| Ari is, to me, I mean, I've known Ari since he was a doorman at the Comedy Store. | ||
| We became friends when he was a doorman. | ||
| He was just starting out. | ||
| And to see him go from being a doorman to filming his special at the Comedy Store, I was like, I have to be there. | ||
| Even if I have to swallow my pride, I have to be there. | ||
| So he was filming on a Wednesday, so I went on Tuesday just so it wouldn't shock my system and I could just appreciate his filming. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| So I came down Tuesday, and it was Roast Battle. | ||
| And I was like, holy shit. | ||
| And Jeff Ross gave me this crazy introduction at Roast Battle. | ||
| That was the first time I was at the Comedy Store in seven years. | ||
| And then I was seeing how creative everybody was. | ||
| The Roast Battle thing was so... | ||
| So different. | ||
| Because it's obviously like jokes that these guys had to write about each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's like it forces you into writing jokes. | ||
| It takes away the one thing that fucks most comedians is that they don't write. | ||
| So when you're forced into a battle, like you're going to have to do battle next Tuesday with this girl, and this girl's vicious, like you've got to come up with some mean shit to say about her and it better be really funny. | ||
| And she's writing some mean shit about you. | ||
| Yeah, you already know that she's going to have some shit for you. | ||
| It's not my style. | ||
| I don't do comedy like that. | ||
| It's a different muscle. | ||
| Yeah, it's just a different... | ||
| I'm too mean in real life. | ||
| I don't want to turn that on for comedy. | ||
| I don't like that part of me. | ||
| I like to keep that part locked away. | ||
| When people get real mean and nasty with each other, I'm like, Jesus! | ||
| It makes me uncomfortable but laugh at the same time. | ||
| But I don't have that thing in me. | ||
| I'm not interested in that. | ||
| But that style is... | ||
| Even though it's brutal, everyone agrees. | ||
| Everyone knows what they're doing to each other. | ||
| And then I love how Brian has everybody hug it out. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It is great. | ||
| He's the perfect host for it, too. | ||
| He's so friendly. | ||
| He's just so likable. | ||
| He's charismatic. | ||
| He is the perfect host for that. | ||
| Yeah, and it's just like the whole thing. | ||
| When I was there, I was like, man, this is just so different. | ||
| It's a wildly different club. | ||
| When the old talent coordinator left, it was like... | ||
| It was just a complete 180. Everything just started. | ||
| You were the catalyst for the truly great years that we were able to experience before this pandemic. | ||
| But you could see everything starting to shift a little bit with Roast Battle. | ||
| And then when Tommy left, it was like the floodgates opened. | ||
| We were able to get rid of some of the old blood and some of the people that were weighing the lineups down. | ||
| But you coming back was everything. | ||
| I mean, that was so baffling to me when I first came to the Comedy Store about 10 years ago, because I remember hearing about the Mencia beef and everything, and then I'm like, what happened? | ||
| And when I heard about what happened, I was like... | ||
| How is this allowed? | ||
| How did this happen? | ||
| So I knew when I took over, I was like, I don't care what I have to do. | ||
| And, like, you made the decision all on your own. | ||
| All I did was say, hey, give it a shot. | ||
| You know, come down at least just to visit. | ||
| It seemed like a different world back then. | ||
| You know, just a different world. | ||
| And then, you know, after the old guard was kicked out, it was like an exorcism. | ||
| Like, the moment I came back to the place, I was like, this is a different place. | ||
| It's not even the old Comedy Store, because in the 70 years, it had kind of gone through a new rebirth. | ||
| You know, I think that place goes through cycles. | ||
| When I came there in the 90s, it was dog shit. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| Tell me about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was it like? | |
| Oh my god, it was terrible. | ||
| It was terrible, except for when the greats would show up. | ||
| Like every now and then, Martin Lawrence would show up. | ||
| Every now and then, Damon Wayans would show up. | ||
| In their prime. | ||
| Yeah, in their prime. | ||
| Murderers. | ||
| Dude, I've never bombed harder in my life than following Marlon. | ||
| Excuse me, following Martin or following Damon. | ||
| Following either one of them. | ||
| Or Marlon. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Or Tommy Davidson back then. | ||
| Oh, he was great. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| Dude, Tommy Davidson used to murder. | ||
| Everybody murdered! | ||
| But there was only like a few, and they wouldn't come that often. | ||
| So it was like, when Martin would come, the main room would be flooded with people just Pauling out into the hallways like people forgot how big Martin Lawrence was in those days This is the leather jumpsuit days sure the you so crazy days, bro He was on top of the world. | ||
| Yeah, he was king of the world for sure He was on top of the world like people forgot they forgot how hard he murdered too. | ||
| He was so good The hardest decision I ever had to make was one day Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock showed up at the same exact time and they both wanted to go up and I had to decide Who is gonna go on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was a tough one How long ago was this? | |
| This was about a year ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A year and a half ago. | ||
| That's a hard one, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they should work that out. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| That shouldn't be me. | ||
| That's too hard for you. | ||
| If there's two of them, I would go ahead, man. | ||
| I'll go after you. | ||
| How long are you going to do? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want any beef. | ||
| And with those two guys, they're both legends. | ||
| They're both legends. | ||
| When I used to follow Martin Lawrence, man, I developed... | ||
| Like this ability to accept the fact that I was gonna eat shit and Not be so scared because I had gotten beaten down a bunch of times by those crowds and that was the brilliance of Mitzi She knew that you know, it was a tough spot She'd just put me on after Martin Lawrence every time, dude. | ||
| If she was on the line, it'd be like Martin Lawrence, he'd do 45 minutes, and then it'd be Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'm like, death! | ||
| You ever seen that video online where there's these Nigerian guys, or these African guys, rather, and it's at a funeral, and when the music starts playing, they go to these guys, and then there's a guy getting knocked out, and then when the guy gets knocked out, you go back to the guys dancing with the coffin. | ||
| It's a funny meme in MMA circles. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| I just saw it. | ||
| I think Donald Trump's account posted it with a clip of Biden saying that stuff to Charlemagne. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| There's the Biden account going into the coffin. | ||
| Oh, please, please see if you can find that. | ||
| Please see if you can find that. | ||
| Who posted it? | ||
| Donald Trump himself? | ||
| I think it was on Donald Trump's Snapchat. | ||
| So whoever's controlling that, I don't think he's running his own. | ||
| So that's you in the coffin every time you had to do a set after Mark. | ||
| I would eat shit. | ||
| I would eat shit. | ||
| And everybody would leave. | ||
| I love that about Mitzi, that she would do that. | ||
| And if you ever once said anything about having to do it, she would put you on ten times more right after the same spot. | ||
| Oh, she'd put you on at one in the morning. | ||
| She'd be like, oh, you don't want that spot? | ||
| Okay, I'll put you on at one in the morning, you fuck. | ||
| And she would yell at you, too. | ||
| And people that have beef, she would always put you one after the other. | ||
| Or people that were dating and break up. | ||
| I love that about her. | ||
| Fucking love that. | ||
| What a legend. | ||
| That's how you treat it as a real gem, because that's where you would get that real workout in, is the emotional pangs. | ||
| But it's also like, as a comic, you've got to learn how to come out of the gate. | ||
| When people don't know who you are, and you have a lot to prove, and you're going on after someone who is a legend. | ||
| So it's like, you have to develop that ability to follow those folks, because in a normal club, you would get a chance, right? | ||
| You'd go on stage, you'd be easy. | ||
| No one killed before you. | ||
| You just easy. | ||
| You stroll out there. | ||
| How's everybody doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Good looking crowd. | ||
| Let me tell you something about my day. | ||
| And you can kind of go into it. | ||
| Like, you know, ease into it. | ||
| But after Martin Lawrence crushes, bro, you got to come with some strong shit. | ||
| Right out of the gate. | ||
| There's only like 25 people going to stay no matter what you do. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| No matter what you do. | ||
| I would watch masses of people just... | ||
| Lift off their chairs and leave the room. | ||
| No one stayed. | ||
| Yeah, and I'll bet 50% of your set is just resetting the room. | ||
| I mean, how do you even... | ||
| Good God, the first five minutes is... | ||
| You learn how to eat shit. | ||
| This is Donald Trump. | ||
| This is actually Donald Trump's Snapchat, and he put this... | ||
| These guys right here, and it comes with this fucking music. | ||
| There's so many knockouts. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| You got more questions, but I tell you, if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black. | ||
| And it's them carrying a coffin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Biden for president on the coffin. | |
| The president tweeted that. | ||
| Yes, of course he did. | ||
| Look, dude, he knows how to use the internet, man, and his son knows how to use the internet. | ||
| Donald Trump Jr., they use him for all the wild shit. | ||
| When they need to post something really wild, they go to Don Jr.'s Instagram. | ||
| That's fucking great. | ||
| Listen, man, they're playing dirty, everybody's playing dirty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The world's playing dirty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Different world. | |
| They're all pretending you're someone who not, lying about this. | ||
| No one's gonna be honest. | ||
| It's just about creating impressions and memes and getting these short attention span motherfuckers to hold on to a narrative as hard as possible. | ||
| Russia! | ||
| Russia game! | ||
| Russia! | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Ask people, they're upset, they don't even know what happened. | ||
| That's 90% of the people out there, man. | ||
| We live in the... | ||
| And now it's going to be even weirder because everybody's going to be so stressed out because the economy's in this shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's not going to get out of there any quick, anytime soon. | ||
| It's going to take some time. | ||
| What's going to happen? | ||
| I mean, this is going to be class war. | ||
| Because the people that can afford to stay home... | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| They want everyone to go out and get the economy going. | ||
| They're super rich. | ||
| They don't give a fuck about people dying. | ||
| They can stay in their mansions. | ||
| There's that aspect of it. | ||
| Those are the ones that I don't think are looking at it correctly in terms of the actual danger of the virus. | ||
| But then there's other people that are like, hey, I don't want to lose my business. | ||
| Why don't you restart the economy so I can take a chance? | ||
| I'd rather take a fucking chance. | ||
| I'm losing everything. | ||
| I'm 99.999999% sure I'm going to fucking survive this. | ||
| I'm going to know it's coming. | ||
| I'm going to take a lot of vitamins. | ||
| Let me do what I have to do. | ||
| Let's quarantine the people that are in danger. | ||
| Let's quarantine old people. | ||
| Let's keep them away until it goes away. | ||
| Let's quarantine sick people. | ||
| This is what we need to do. | ||
| This is what needs to be done. | ||
| Not lock the whole fucking country down. | ||
| Once they do that, man, they don't want to undo that. | ||
| I don't know when reason left the world, but in so many different aspects of the world. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Twitter? | ||
| I mean, there's just no reason almost anywhere. | ||
| Well, I think the reason is to save lives. | ||
| It just doesn't make sense. | ||
| It doesn't work right. | ||
| Because you're losing lives with everything. | ||
| Dude, there's an article that I was reading in the Washington Examiner. | ||
| One of those is a weird newspaper. | ||
| And it's one of those ones like, what is the bias of the Washington Examiner? | ||
| But it's basically saying that there's more people dead from suicide in Northern California than there were from coronavirus deaths. | ||
| During the lockdown. | ||
| Because people are fully in despair. | ||
| They're losing everything. | ||
| They're going bankrupt. | ||
| And they don't see any way out of it. | ||
| Well, if it wasn't for Korean baseball I would be fucking blowing my fucking head off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've watched so many movies. | |
| I've watched everything. | ||
| Just everything? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Not really everything. | ||
| I still haven't seen the new Adam Sandler movie, the Diamond movie. | ||
| It's supposed to be Uncut Gems. | ||
| Oh, that was my favorite. | ||
| That and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood were my two favorites that year. | ||
| I have two young girls, and I can't really watch fucked up movies with them. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| I got yelled at for watching Alien with one of them. | ||
| The first or second? | ||
| The first one. | ||
| Well, yeah, maybe. | ||
| Maybe the first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, come on. | |
| I'd watch it. | ||
| My mother had me watch those movies when I was really little. | ||
| She watched scary movies with me. | ||
| The first scary movie I ever saw was The Shining. | ||
| So it is a true statistic. | ||
| Bay Area doctors seeing more suicides during coronavirus stay-at-home order. | ||
| It's at one hospital, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So they reported it and said it's the whole area. | ||
| See? | ||
| Good for you, Jamie. | ||
| That's real news. | ||
| That's real news, folks. | ||
| That's how you're supposed to do it. | ||
| You're not supposed to lie and read the statistic all fucked up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Sometimes people do things like that and you're like, oh, you can't do that. | ||
| I just saw... | ||
| I feel like maybe it was something you said. | ||
| Ah, fuck, I can't remember. | ||
| There's no weed in this? | ||
| No, zero. | ||
| This is just 25 milligrams of CBD and some delicious Kill Cliff mango goodness. | ||
| Well, then I'm just fucktarded. | ||
| It happens, bro. | ||
| When do you think we'll be able to start up shows again? | ||
| I'm really hoping in July. | ||
| Jesus Christ, July. | ||
| I feel like I know, but realistically, I think July. | ||
| What would you think about opening up a comedy store in Austin, Texas? | ||
| I mean, that would do really well. | ||
| I think it would do really well. | ||
| I think it really would. | ||
| The conversations I've been having on the phone lately? | ||
| I did reconnaissance this weekend. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| I flew to Texas. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know Charlie? | ||
| Do you know the guy who runs South by Southwest Comedy Division? | ||
| He'd be a good guy to talk to, probably. | ||
| Well, I would just talk to comedians. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't need to talk to anybody but the comics. | ||
| I just feel like... | ||
| There's a lot of people in Austin. | ||
| There's a million people. | ||
| They have two good comedy clubs right now. | ||
| Cap City's a great room. | ||
| And then they have the Velveeta room, which I've never done, but I hear really good things about. | ||
| And I don't know if they have anything else. | ||
| I think that's it. | ||
| I've been to South by Southwest a couple different times for Comedy Week, and it's just been insane. | ||
| It's a great town. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just think there's a real problem with, first of all, the volume of humans here is unmanageable. | ||
| And there's a real problem with the government telling us what to do here. | ||
| There's things that don't make sense. | ||
| And here's the best example. | ||
| They recently decided to open it back up for movies. | ||
| For movies and television production. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| But not for churches. | ||
| What? | ||
| Wait a minute, what are you saying? | ||
| How about give a church 25% capacity, just like you would other businesses? | ||
| That makes sense, and that's what we were talking about. | ||
| Some reason, balance. | ||
| Have more than one service in the day. | ||
| You don't have to just... | ||
| It doesn't make sense if some things can do their job, and you call them essential businesses, and some can't. | ||
| If you're saying that film production is okay... | ||
| Here's a weird one. | ||
| You can't have Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, but liquor stores are essential businesses. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| Adam Curry told me that. | ||
| And when I read it, I was like, oh no. | ||
| And there's logic to the essential business part of the liquor store thing. | ||
| Because look, man, people are freaked out. | ||
| They need something to calm them down. | ||
| If they can't get any booze at all, shit could get really bad. | ||
| And the hospitals need the beds. | ||
| So when people detox off alcohol, it's very dangerous. | ||
| That's actually how Amy Winehouse died. | ||
| She died from detoxing from alcohol. | ||
| It's a hard fucking fall, too. | ||
| So they need the hospital beds. | ||
| They can't have people detoxing while everybody's dying of COVID. Makes sense to me. | ||
| They deemed it an essential business, but... | ||
| Fucking Alcoholics Anonymous, man. | ||
| You gotta keep that open. | ||
| I do an Alcoholics Anonymous Zoom call once a week, and most of them are fucking terrible, man. | ||
| You gotta be in person with people. | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| That could really help. | ||
| The same as my kids are going to Zoom school. | ||
| You gotta be in person. | ||
| It's not the way to do it. | ||
| You gotta be in person with people. | ||
| I'm telling you it's the fucking worst. | ||
| Have you seen some of the stand-up zooms? | ||
| Fuck them. | ||
| That is ridiculous. | ||
| That's like pretending you're in a swimming race in your living room. | ||
| I'm swimming. | ||
| Look, I'm on the floor. | ||
| I'm swimming. | ||
| But you're not swimming. | ||
| You're not doing comedy. | ||
| You're fucking doing something weird, man, because you wish you could do comedy. | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| It's so painful to watch. | ||
| Timing is everything, and it kills the timing. | ||
| You have no energy, no audience reaction. | ||
| It's not stand-up. | ||
| No, it's not stand-up. | ||
| Phoenix is holding shows again. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| Phoenix has full nightclubs again. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Yeah, Floyd Mayweather was spotted at this Phoenix nightclub. | ||
| No masks on in the whole place, bumper to bumper with people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Again, balance. | ||
| I feel like maybe... | ||
| Let them do it. | ||
| Let them do it. | ||
| That's what I say. | ||
| Let them do it. | ||
| Listen, man, this is not what we thought it was going to be. | ||
| It's not killing people at the rate we thought it was going to. | ||
| We would have never signed up for this if we thought it was really going to kill 0.1% of the population that catch it. | ||
| And you realize how many people catch it and don't even know they had it. | ||
| And then you look at the average age that people are dying from. | ||
| It's literally older than the average age people die. | ||
| Oh, well then, what the fuck? | ||
| The whole thing makes no sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| This is not something you should shut the economy down for. | ||
| We thought it was. | ||
| We thought it was going to be a terrible thing that was going to wreck havoc. | ||
| And they'll point out individual cases of people that are really young or healthy and something goes wrong with them. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, that's terrible. | ||
| But we should just be careful. | ||
| Doesn't mean we should keep everything shut down. | ||
| It's rare that these people exist. | ||
| These young people that get sick that you hear about, it's not normal. | ||
| Why aren't we reassessing the situation then? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Are they going to see how these other cities that have opened up do and how that goes and then reevaluate? | ||
| This is a very conservative state in that regard. | ||
| It means very liberal, but it's very conservative in the regard of how they're approaching this thing. | ||
| They're doing it very slowly and very deliberately. | ||
| You know, I don't agree with it. | ||
| I just think at a certain point in time, you have to adjust. | ||
| It is not what we thought it was going to be. | ||
| We thought there were going to be hundreds of thousands of people dead. | ||
| In this state, there's only 2,000 people dead. | ||
| But people are dying from all kinds of shit all the time. | ||
| We can't just focus on one thing. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| While this is happening, people are dying in this state of tuberculosis, lung cancer, liver cancer. | ||
| They're dying. | ||
| So do you think this is a political thing? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| To try and keep the economy shitting? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| I don't think that. | ||
| I've heard that crazy conspiracy theory. | ||
| I don't think that. | ||
| I think it's a matter of, first of all, there's a lot of people that are legitimately scared. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I talk to kids' parents that don't want the kids going back to school in September. | ||
| These people are legitimately scared. | ||
| They think it's going to get worse. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I had kids at home, fucking open it up. | |
| Open the fucking schools immediately. | ||
| For children, it's very rare that it's fatal. | ||
| Very rare that it's fatal. | ||
| But the flu is far more fatal. | ||
| The flu is far more fatal for children. | ||
| And during flu season, we willingly let kids go to school and we don't even think about it. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Yeah, you have to think about it. | ||
| If you're really worried about children, the flu is far more deadly. | ||
| Now, this is not dismissing the deadliness of this disease. | ||
| This is a terrible disease. | ||
| Michael Yeo got it and he almost died. | ||
| But a lot of things happened to Michael Yeo. | ||
| He flew all the way to fucking New York with no sleep. | ||
| He did radio. | ||
| He did all those kinds of shit. | ||
| He did shows there. | ||
| No sleep. | ||
| Flies back and then drives from his house to Vegas and then back with his family in the same day. | ||
| Then he has two days of auditions. | ||
| Plus, he's vitamin D deficient. | ||
| Oh, well there you go. | ||
| I was thinking all this. | ||
| I was like, well, Michael Yeo is a strong guy. | ||
| He's healthy and vibrant. | ||
| Like if that guy got sick from it, oh my god, this is scary. | ||
| No vitamin D. Vitamin D deficiency is something that exists in like 70% of the population. | ||
| 70% of the people in this country are vitamin D deficient. | ||
| First thing I did when I saw that we were going to be quarantined, I ordered a shit ton of vitamin D online. | ||
| So I'd take some every day. | ||
| I'd try and go out in the sun every day because, yeah, I don't want this fucking thing. | ||
| I think I had it. | ||
| I think I had it in January. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody thinks they had it. | |
| I really did. | ||
| I've never had a cough like this in my life where I was wheezing. | ||
| I could barely breathe. | ||
| And the doctors were baffled. | ||
| They took chest x-rays, had it for three weeks. | ||
| But who fucking knows? | ||
| You might have had it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought I had it too. | |
| I'll get an antibody test and figure it out. | ||
| I thought I had it and didn't even feel it. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| If there's anybody I could think of that would have it and not be able to feel it, it would be you for sure. | ||
| No, I'm pretty sensitive to that kind of shit. | ||
| Congrats, by the way, on fucking Spotify. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Crazy, right? | ||
| So well deserved, man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Very nice of you. | ||
| Sorry, I didn't want to forget. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| I didn't want to fucking forget... | ||
| Yeah, dude, I've been ultra paying attention to my health while this is all going on. | ||
| That's one thing that's helped a lot. | ||
| Like, while this is going on... | ||
| You're always paying attention to my health. | ||
| Yeah, but really. | ||
| Like, I'm in the sauna every day. | ||
| 25 minutes every day. | ||
| No excuses. | ||
| Like, super regular workout routine. | ||
| Super regular with my vitamins. | ||
| Super regular with everything. | ||
| Just being really on the ball. | ||
| Because it made me... | ||
| You can't take your health for granted. | ||
| And that's a simple statement that sort of just bounces around a room like a beach ball doesn't mean anything. | ||
| This puts it in perspective. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| This puts it in perspective. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| And in the beginning, people were less cunty, too. | ||
| I don't know if you noticed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they were really worried they were going to die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so things meant something. | ||
| You know what it reminded me of? | ||
| It was like the week after 9-11. | ||
| Everyone was real friendly with each other, super neighborly, and now it's like I go out in traffic, people are cutting each other off. | ||
| But it's worse than 9-11 because after 9-11 people went back to normal. | ||
| Now they're going to go back from all this niceness. | ||
| They're going to go back to being a cunt and there's no work. | ||
| And then they're angry. | ||
| And you were saying something important earlier. | ||
| You said we could fall into some sort of a class warfare type situation. | ||
| Yeah, it is terrifying. | ||
| And I don't think it had to be this way. | ||
| And I don't think it has to stay this way. | ||
| And they're talking about not even opening up L.A. until July 4th, 4th of July weekend. | ||
| Like, hey man, like, why? | ||
| This is so arbitrary. | ||
| And there's no talk whatsoever about strengthening your immune system. | ||
| None. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck? | ||
| Like, the most important things are just falling by the waist. | ||
| Like, I don't understand that. | ||
| It's poor government. | ||
| It's just poor leadership. | ||
| It's poor leadership. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's leading, only looking at one perspective, and that's the perspective that enhances fear. | ||
| This is, wear a mask, wear your gloves, use hand sanitizer, don't touch anything, stay apart from each other. | ||
| And then the other perspective is get out in the sun, get your vitamin D, drink lots of water, stop drinking soda, check your vitamin levels if you can, but give yourself X amount of vitamin C a day, X amount of D, take zinc. | ||
| Zinc has been shown to have a very positive effect on people with high zinc levels or sufficient zinc levels that have this virus also have a much better outcome. | ||
| That's all I take every morning. | ||
| I take one zinc, one vitamin D, and two airborns. | ||
| But you won't hear any of this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's what's so crazy. | ||
| I had to look it up. | ||
| I mean, people fucking, they should be, yeah, they should be pumping this into our fucking bloodstream via the news, but it's all bullshit. | ||
| It's all bullshit. | ||
| When Rhonda Patrick was talking about the vitamin D levels in people that are in ICU, it's like, if you were a scientist, you'd be like, hold on, we found it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| 86% of the people in the ICU are deficient in vitamin D, and then 4% have sufficient levels of vitamin D? 4%. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's 80-something percent versus 4%. | ||
| You're like, holy fuck! | ||
| Holy fuck! | ||
| I don't understand where the last... | ||
| Dude, it makes zero sense. | ||
| It makes zero sense. | ||
| I wish that we could open the store tomorrow. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, we should be able to open the original room at, start out at 25% capacity, you know? | ||
| Yeah, well just, what does it usually fit? | ||
| 150 people? | ||
| 150 about, yeah. | ||
| Just 75 people, you folks. | ||
| Yeah, we can space it out. | ||
| How about just get everybody to sign a waiver? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just sign a fucking waiver. | ||
| Let's do this. | ||
| And if you have a sick mom at home or if you have someone vulnerable at home, don't go out to these places. | ||
| You're the one who should make the sacrifice. | ||
| Shouldn't be the whole world sacrificing. | ||
| Exactly, but we can't rely on these fucking assholes. | ||
| So can you take a temp? | ||
| Yes, they did it in the restaurant I went to in Texas. | ||
| I went to a real restaurant. | ||
| So we'll just get one of those fucking forehead temps. | ||
| Shout out to the Lonesome Dove. | ||
| I ate at this Lonesome Dove restaurant in Austin. | ||
| They take a fucking thermostat, they put it to your forehead, and they read, you're like, you're all good. | ||
| And then you write on this thing, have you been in contact with anybody who has COVID? Have you had a fever? | ||
| Have you had any cold-like symptoms? | ||
| And as long as you're clear on all that stuff... | ||
| We should be doing that and call it a day. | ||
| They wear a mask, they stay away from you, I mean, mostly, except when they're taking your meal or dropping off your meal. | ||
| Because we've already gone over the game plan ad nauseum. | ||
| We know exactly how we're going to do it, you know, how to have access to the bathrooms, social distancing in the room, where the comics can enter the stage so they're not fucking in the thick of it. | ||
| We're ready to go. | ||
| All we need is the green light. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The problem is they're never going to want to give that green light. | ||
| I mean, they're going to have to give. | ||
| I really feel like early July, we'll get a percentage green light for one of the rooms. | ||
| I really think so. | ||
| They're going to let you have half the belly room. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'll take whatever. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'll take it, too. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| I never thought I'd miss that place that much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, I miss it bad. | ||
| It got to a point where I'm like, I just want to fucking hide there because everybody wants something and I didn't have shit to give them. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's a weird position as a talent coordinator for a comedy club where all the best comedians go to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So it's like everyone who's in town, whether it's Chappelle or Bill Burr or whoever, they're all there. | ||
| They're all there. | ||
| So there's no spots. | ||
| And then there's you and Joey Diaz and, you know, everybody else and Whitney Cummings and all the A-plus level comics are there every single night when they're in town. | ||
| And they're in town. | ||
| And then that leaves you, you know, and then from 11 to 12, that's all the Andrew Santino's and the Eric Griffin's and the Fahim Anwar's and all these other beasts that aren't filling fucking arenas, but they're the next ones up, you know? | ||
| So if you're some new guy or gal who's coming up the line... | ||
| Yeah, that leaves like five spots a night at the end of the lineup. | ||
| And you've got 250 comics calling in every week just that fit into that paradigm. | ||
| So it's like, sorry, you know, it's nothing personal. | ||
| Yeah, there's no club like it. | ||
| No club ever been like it either, where there's no shortage of people in the audience. | ||
| I mean, those years from when I came back to when the pandemic hit were the craziest years I've ever seen in stand-up comedy at that place. | ||
| By far, like a whole new dimension, like a whole world had shifted. | ||
| It's been so fucking cool to watch, you know, and to see that shift. | ||
| There's some comics that are coming up right now. | ||
| Some of the ones that I passed in the last year or two, I'm so excited about. | ||
| Like this guy, Brian Simpson, you've got to... | ||
| Nick, when we reopen again, I'm telling you, this guy's a beast. | ||
| Segura, he opens up for Segura now. | ||
| He's fantastic. | ||
| Lara Bites, who you know, is fantastic. | ||
| Lara's hilarious. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| Kreischer and I were in the back of the room watching her on stage. | ||
| It was like the end of the night. | ||
| There's maybe like... | ||
| 20 people or something in the crowd and more people were in the crowd by the end of her set than were there in the beginning because people were coming in because she was slaying. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| Dude, she was killing us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We had been around all night. | ||
| We've been hanging there all night. | ||
| It was late, man. | ||
| Those are always the best sets. | ||
| Holtzman closing out the main room when it's like nine people in the audience and 20 comics in the back of the room. | ||
| Well, that's where Kinison used to do his spots. | ||
| I mean, they used to say, like, people would come to see him. | ||
| They would start showing up at 12 o'clock. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's where I would put Brody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My trunk is still filled with all of his shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| I had to clean out his whole apartment. | ||
| Do you have his kettlebell? | ||
| I might. | ||
| You want it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Alright, if I have the kettlebell, I definitely have some drumsticks. | ||
| Whatever you want. | ||
| We'll go out there afterwards. | ||
| We'll have a Brody garage sale. | ||
| We worked together in Tempe, and he was doing cleans and presses in the parking lot. | ||
| Staying fit! | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| That's when he used to do it, but he's like, you might remember me from the made-for-TV Vlade Divac movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| He was the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Push! | |
| Positive! | ||
| You know, we went to Little League together. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| I grew up in Tarzana. | ||
| He grew up in Tarzana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And he was one of the older students. | ||
| But yeah, Joe Torre, little baseball camp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I miss that motherfucker every day. | ||
| I miss that motherfucker, too. | ||
| He was another thing about that place. | ||
| Like, the special quality of that place. | ||
| Like... | ||
| You weren't going to run into Brody Stevens in any other walk of life. | ||
| You had to meet that kind of comedy, especially to get to know him like the way we got to know Brody. | ||
| Yeah, you take it for granted, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Well, you really do. | ||
| And you really know you do now. | ||
| Like, I kind of knew I took it for granted, too. | ||
| I'd leave that place some nights, and I'd be like, how lucky are we that we have this place now? | ||
| Because this place never existed. | ||
| And for me, it was like, you know, we're talking about the pandemic and coming back from the pandemic. | ||
| For me, it was like... | ||
| When I was gone and then I came back, it made me realize, like, oh, this is a very valuable thing for your comedy. | ||
| Like, you can't just go to, like, random comedy clubs and just jump in and do sets. | ||
| Like, having a home base and having a home base filled with, like, Jezelnik and all these fucking assassins, it's like you'd just be around murderers just all day long slaying. | ||
| And it just makes everybody's level higher. | ||
| I felt like the level of comedy that I was experiencing there was higher than I'd ever seen it before. | ||
| Like, you know, there was always the murderers like Martin Lawrence and Damon Wayans, but there was a lot of bullshit in there. | ||
| A lot of fuckin' bodaks and a lot of dudes who were doing literally the same act, no bullshit, for 25 years. | ||
| I know I had to get rid of a lot of them. | ||
| Dude, it was weird. | ||
| Like, you would see a guy, and then you'd not see him for 10, 15 years, and you'd see the same act in the same order verbatim with old, like, Ronald Reagan as president references and shit, and like, whoa! | ||
| So that was when I came here in 94. There was a lot of that going on. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| Nothing, murderers, and then nothing, and then the occasional murder. | ||
| But it was like, you get one murder a night, maybe. | ||
| It wasn't nothing like now. | ||
| I mean, I'm so fortunate to have the people calling in every week that they could call in, because from 9 o'clock to literally 1215, it's just wall-to-wall killers. | ||
| Yeah, we need to get the president involved in this. | ||
| Tell him that he'll get the support of all the comedians if he just has a federal mandate to open up all comedy clubs. | ||
| We need it. | ||
| It's an essential business. | ||
| It really is, though. | ||
| It is an essential business. | ||
| That's going to do wonders for everybody's mental health, for sure. | ||
| It will, and for all the mental patients that do stand-up. | ||
| I mean, what are they doing right now? | ||
| They're bouncing off the walls. | ||
| All these fucking people, they're losing their minds so hard they're doing Zoom comedy. | ||
| Somebody talked them into it. | ||
| I'm in my studio apartment. | ||
| I'm Jack Torrance over there. | ||
| That's like my little Overlook Hotel. | ||
| I don't think that's good for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You're a very social guy. | ||
| I don't think that's a good thing to be locked up like that for two months at a time. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I can't wait to get out. | ||
| Just take a chance with a bug. | ||
| Just go wander around. | ||
| Go to the beach, lick some faces. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, I... Go to the beach. | |
| Hold some hands. | ||
| I've been talking to Norm McDonald a lot lately. | ||
| I think we're going to start the podcast up again. | ||
| So thank God for that. | ||
| Just get tested. | ||
| You can bring him in here and get tested too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I think we would kill for you to be the first guest. | ||
| I would love to do it. | ||
| I'm 100% in. | ||
| Oh, thank God. | ||
| Yeah, we have some good guests lined up. | ||
| So now we're just going to figure it out. | ||
| Yeah, so you're all set to get tested today, too. | ||
| Oh, perfect. | ||
| I know you don't have it because you haven't gone anywhere. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| When you sit in your house like that for all those days at a time, that's got to be so depressing. | ||
| It's not great. | ||
| It's not great. | ||
| It's really not. | ||
| Yeah, my depression and anxiety is through the fucking roof. | ||
| Do you do any kind of exercise video or something? | ||
| Yeah, I got a rowing machine, so I do a lot of rowing, and then I go on a long walk. | ||
| I go on like a five-mile walk every day. | ||
| Oh, that's very good. | ||
| But that's it, yeah. | ||
| But you're by yourself most of the time. | ||
| But I'm by myself in my apartment. | ||
| Yeah, shit, that ain't good. | ||
| Being by yourself that often is not good. | ||
| No, it certainly isn't. | ||
| All the single people. | ||
| This is a fucking weird one for single people. | ||
| Well, it's kind of choose your poison. | ||
| I don't know how I feel like I would fucking want to kill somebody if I was stuck in a single room. | ||
| Yeah, that could happen for sure. | ||
| Oh, absolutely. | ||
| Yeah, that could happen for sure. | ||
| It either brings you closer together or it drifts you further apart. | ||
| Those are the two possibilities. | ||
| Yeah, if you have a strong foundation, you truly like each other. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You get to know each other better. | ||
| You've already accepted each other for everything, warts and all. | ||
| And also you both realize, like you're saying, you appreciate the store. | ||
| You also appreciate your family. | ||
| You appreciate your friends. | ||
| I appreciate my friends and my family and just everybody in my life way more now than I guess I do. | ||
| I guess I always appreciated them, but there's like another 10% bump in all that stuff when the pandemic was happening. | ||
| Because one started happening in the beginning, I was like genuinely scared. | ||
| I was genuinely thinking this could be something that kills 10% of the people I know. | ||
| I was genuinely thinking like, oh my god, this could be way worse. | ||
| China could be lying about how bad it is. | ||
| It could be way worse. | ||
| I remember talking to you about it right when you were in that state of mind. | ||
| And it was terrifying. | ||
| But what made me, it made me think in that state of mind, like I'm so thankful that I have such an amazing group of friends, so thankful that I have an amazing family, so thankful that I have friends that I love, that we can fuck with each other and talk shit to each other. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| Some of the greatest joys of my day, I'm in a group thread with a bunch of comics. | ||
| And those are my favorite moments of the day. | ||
| Just cracking each other up and talking shit. | ||
| I'm in this thread with Whitney and Nick Swartzen and Delia. | ||
| It's the most ridiculous thread. | ||
| It's been going on for years, man. | ||
| For years. | ||
| I call it the bitch group. | ||
| Just bitching about shit. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| I'm in a great one with Spade and Whitney. | ||
| It's just the best. | ||
| He's just in a bunch of group texts. | ||
| All day long, talking shit. | ||
| It's funny, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so fun. | |
| I love her with all of my heart. | ||
| She's a great human being. | ||
| She really is a special one. | ||
| Very, very unique. | ||
| Swords in two. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Deli, too. | ||
| We're so lucky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're very, very, very lucky. | ||
| There's just a bunch of people that we know that are just some of the most fun people to be around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Arya Shafir. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That fucking maniac. | ||
| No, I meant... | ||
| You know, Jerry Sloan just died. | ||
| Hopefully he learned his lesson and keeps his fucking mouth shut this time. | ||
| You know Jerry Sloan? | ||
| No, who's Jerry Sloan? | ||
| The coach of the Utah Jazz. | ||
| Don't even mention it to R. He probably doesn't know yet. | ||
| He knows now. | ||
| That sort of a prank, the idea of that prank, it's like, okay. | ||
| He can't help himself. | ||
| He's just fully committed to being the wrestling heel. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| Dude, I was reading that wrestling might go under. | ||
| No. | ||
| How? | ||
| They're saying that wrestling is, they're firing wrestlers. | ||
| I know they got rid of Cain Velasquez, and he only did like one match with them. | ||
| They're releasing a bunch of people off their roster, and they're hurting apparently, because they're not getting any live gait. | ||
| You gotta think, pro wrestling, when they tour around the country, I mean, they're doing hundreds of shows in these giant places. | ||
| Imagine the amount of money just from the live gate of all these places and then merch, all that different stuff. | ||
| All that stuff's cut off. | ||
| So they have the same amount of expenses, but then through no fault of their own, boom! | ||
| Profits stop. | ||
| I'm genuinely ignorant about so many things in this world, except for maybe music, movies, and comedy. | ||
| But here's what I don't understand. | ||
| They've made a shit ton of money, haven't they? | ||
| Yeah, but they've been ballin'. | ||
| They're not saving? | ||
| What are they, a Boy Scout? | ||
| I thought Vince McMahon was like a... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vince McMahon? | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's on Juice and he's 90. He's the guy who started the XFL. Do you think he's saving money? | |
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| I just watched the 30 for 30 on the XFL. It was great. | ||
| That guy's doing squats and shooting fucking steroids and making billions of dollars. | ||
| He doesn't have any time for this nonsense. | ||
| Yeah, I guess that's true. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| He's not saving any money. | ||
| That guy probably has 50 bucks in the backyard. | ||
| He probably spends everything he makes, probably makes a hundred million dollars a year, spends it all, like, it's going out of style. | ||
| He's a fucking animal. | ||
| And you look at his business, though, like, you've got, I believe, the way they have, you would be able to know this, the app, their app, you get everything through the app, right? | ||
| Yeah, the WWE Network, I think is what's Right, so when you sign up, you pay a monthly fee, and you get all the events. | ||
| There's no pay-per-view, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Whereas the UFC, not the case. | ||
| The UFC, like, if you get ESPN +, you gotta pay for ESPN +, but when, like, Conor McGregor fights or Jon Jones fights, you gotta pay for that. | ||
| Yeah, I found out the hardware about, what was that, like, three weeks ago. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's just how it is, man. | ||
| That's just how it is. | ||
| And they don't have the same model. | ||
| And a lot of people, like WWE used to have that model. | ||
| They used to have, you'd pay for pay-per-views. | ||
| They have their regular shows and they have the big time pay-per-views. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that with like SummerSlam and even the WWF days. | ||
| Yeah, they used to advertise those all the time on cable. | ||
| If you could imagine, though, if like Tuesday night, Rochester knew you or Conor McGregor would just fight a championship fight and then you see him again on Saturday. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| You heard what Ronda Rousey said about that. | ||
| She was like, you fucking dorks. | ||
| Listen, this is fake fighting and they do it 200 times a year. | ||
| She goes, you know what happened? | ||
| If you fought 200 times a year, you'd be dead. | ||
| Even though she's a star in the WWE, at the end of the day, she was like the original, great, famous women's mixed martial arts fighter. | ||
| She's not taking your nonsense. | ||
| She's not listening to any of that stupid shit. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, she got knocked out by Cyborg and Amanda Nunes, or not Cyborg, by Amanda Nunes and Holly Holm, back to back. | ||
| The idea that she's going to listen to some fucking... | ||
| Wrestling dork, give her a shit. | ||
| That business though, what I was going to say is I think because of the app, the WWE, because of the app, the way they have it set up, they don't have the live gate anymore. | ||
| So all that money from those, they do these giant arenas, they're selling out like crazy all over the country, 200 plus a year. | ||
| All that money's gone. | ||
| They can't just hit the fucking pause button? | ||
| No, Vince McMahon's got pills, son. | ||
| He's got 80 jets and fucking 100 houses. | ||
| He's got no time! | ||
| He's just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what they do. | ||
| I mean, I think when the business drops, you gotta act accordingly, I guess. | ||
| Maybe when the business comes back, they'll rehire people. | ||
| It's a hard time for everybody, man. | ||
| But the people that I feel the most for are people who are dying and people who lost people. | ||
| But next, people who are losing their business and their families falling apart because of this. | ||
| And they're through no fault of their own. | ||
| Yeah, and then the employees that are just forced to go out of work. | ||
| And how do they have to go in food? | ||
| Like, I don't understand how they're supposed to just quarantine for months with no money. | ||
| And again, no talk at all. | ||
| $1,200. | ||
| And no talk at all about taking care of your health. | ||
| No talk. | ||
| That's just shocking. | ||
| No talk. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Yeah, that should be number one, two, and three on the list. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's fucking... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| What is going on? | ||
| I wonder if other countries... | ||
| I'd be fascinated to see how they're handling this in other countries on their news over there. | ||
| Well, some countries aren't handling it badly at all. | ||
| Some countries are, like Germany had a crazy low death rate. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a bunch of countries that have really low death rates. | ||
| I wonder if they're focused on that. | ||
| I wonder if on their news programs, they're focused on, here's what you need to do to protect yourself. | ||
| Take a lot of vitamin D. Take this. | ||
| Do this. | ||
| Get in the sun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's probably their healthcare system, and it's probably their diet. | ||
| You know, there's a real issue in this country with sugar, and that's a giant part of what's happening here. | ||
| When you talk about people that are getting diabetes and, you know, people that are overweight, those are two big factors in this disease. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're both connected, not the genetic form of diabetes, but type 2 is connected to sugar consumption. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's directly connected to your diet. | ||
| Ask Dean Del Rey. | ||
| Dean Del Rey had fucking diabetes because he was eating sugar all day. | ||
| Yeah, he was doing Jamba Juice once a day. | ||
| Yeah, he was eating candy. | ||
| He realized it when they gave him that wake-up call, that diabetes wake-up call. | ||
| That's a fucking hell of a wake-up call. | ||
| But now you look at him, he's healthy and fit. | ||
| He looks better than he ever has. | ||
| He lost a ton of weight, and he said he feels so good. | ||
| He looks killer. | ||
| He looks great. | ||
| And now, like his Instagram posts, you'll see quite a few of them. | ||
| Every now and then, he'll talk about sugar and what he used to look like. | ||
| He'll put up Fat Dean pictures. | ||
| Yeah, I love that. | ||
| Yeah, like Fat Dean Tuesday. | ||
| Dude, I got Fat Adam. | ||
| I got Fatim photos. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You showed me those. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Those are solid. | ||
| I didn't know you then. | ||
| No, I was chubby at the improv. | ||
| When was that? | ||
| I'm not judging. | ||
| I'm not judging. | ||
| I didn't even notice. | ||
| No, you probably did know me when I was Fathom. | ||
| Those were good days. | ||
| Maybe a little bit, but I let it go. | ||
| Yeah, good. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I appreciate that. | ||
| But Dean, he's a perfect example. | ||
| I mean, he had all sorts of health problems because of that sugar consumption. | ||
| Look, there's Fat Dean with his name. | ||
| He got his name on the store at the wall. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Fat Dean Tuesday. | ||
| He did. | ||
| He looks like Bobby Hill. | ||
| He used to do a bit about that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy how fat he was. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| And now he's healthy and young. | ||
| Yeah, sugar's a killer, man. | ||
| He's going back in time. | ||
| It's a killer. | ||
| He's getting younger. | ||
| He looks younger. | ||
| He does look way younger now. | ||
| Way younger. | ||
| He looks healthier. | ||
| He looks so much better. | ||
| That's my problem. | ||
| I eat too much ice cream. | ||
| Again, we're not hearing any of this stuff from people. | ||
| We're not hearing any of this stuff from Fauci or all these health experts. | ||
| We're not hearing any of it. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| We're just hearing, inject yourself with fucking Clorox. | ||
| And if you talk to people like, well, you don't want to shame people for, you know, for having a poor diet or for being overweight, like... | ||
| Do you care if people die or not? | ||
| What do you care about? | ||
| Is it hurting people's feelings or saving their lives? | ||
| Everything's asked backwards now. | ||
| Everyone's too sensitive. | ||
| They're worried about people's feelings too much. | ||
| It's going to be real weird when we come back to doing comedy and you hear all the COVID jokes. | ||
| It's going to be the audience going to be exhausted. | ||
| That's going to be the new airplane food. | ||
| I'm avoiding them. | ||
| I'm not writing anything about them. | ||
| Who's going to build the wall? | ||
| It's going to be the new fucking... | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Wait, fuck. | ||
| You're sure there's no weed in this? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You probably got contact tied just from being in the room with me. | ||
| No, there was something specific I was going to ask you. | ||
| You had like 30 days? | ||
| How many days? | ||
| 90 days off? | ||
| 90 days. | ||
| Yeah, I got sober on March 1st. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't be in a room with someone like me when I'm smoking weed. | |
| That's what I was going to ask you. | ||
| Do you think... | ||
| It's probably catching you. | ||
| No, no, I don't think so. | ||
| Do you think that... | ||
| Social distance from weed smoke. | ||
| Do you think all the PC bullshit and the social justice warrior shit is going to be tempered after we... | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I think it was tempered because of the real danger. | ||
| I think the real threat and the real fear tempered it. | ||
| And now that that's gone away, the real fear is going to give way to a new level of anger because of this level of despair people are going to be experiencing financially over the next few months. | ||
| So there's going to be a heightened... | ||
| It's almost going to have a slingshot effect. | ||
| People got less cunty and they're gonna get more cunty and more self-righteous. | ||
| More self-righteous, more people chastising, criticizing people. | ||
| And on Twitter you really see it because people are literally forced to be at home. | ||
| So if you're forced to be at home and you don't have the discipline to stay off Twitter and you happen to comment something and someone comments on your comment and then you start talking shit to each other, that's your day. | ||
| Not only is that your day, but you're going to be crazy. | ||
| You're going to be thinking about it in the middle of the night. | ||
| What the fuck did they write? | ||
| You get up to pee. | ||
| I'm not going to check my phone. | ||
| Let me check my phone. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| And they said something that's pretty good. | ||
| And you're like, God damn it. | ||
| Now I've got to come up with something to say back. | ||
| So you start Googling statistics. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I mean, this is what a lot of people are doing. | ||
| It's making people sicker and sicker. | ||
| I have almost completely avoided Twitter. | ||
| Other than I'll check my DMs occasionally. | ||
| And occasionally I'll check what other people have posted that I'm friends with or that I follow. | ||
| Check a little bit, but I might give it five minutes a day. | ||
| I deleted my Twitter icon about a year ago, and then I just reinstalled it maybe about a week or two ago. | ||
| And I'm already starting to see, like, what am I doing? | ||
| Why am I even looking? | ||
| It's just getting me pissed off. | ||
| It's just too many people are angry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just too many. | ||
| About nonsense. | ||
| Well, maybe to them it's important. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It's like when you post it, it's important. | ||
| But when you're dealing with whatever the fuck it is, 100 million people that are on Twitter or more, probably more, that are posting on a regular basis, and then most of what they want to say is angry. | ||
| Most of what they want to say is negative. | ||
| Most of it is complaining. | ||
| It might be like 60% complaining. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you tune into that, you're getting all the problems of all these people. | ||
| It's just too many people. | ||
| You're supposed to deal with the problems of the people that are around you. | ||
| So if there's like 10 people around you and Tommy's got a problem, what's wrong with Tommy? | ||
| Let's go talk to Tommy. | ||
| It's not supposed to be 10 million people, and then there's hundreds of thousands of Tommy's just flooding your feed with bullshit. | ||
| Nonsense. | ||
| My fucking girl's lying about this, and they say we can't vote in November. | ||
| Fuck that! | ||
| I say we sue! | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| All this craziness. | ||
| And it's like you just deal with the worst aspects of everyone's day or everyone's thoughts or everyone's opinions. | ||
| You're just dealing with all this negativity. | ||
| And it's so rare. | ||
| And it's really very much appreciated when you do find it. | ||
| Like a really well-structured conversation or disagreement about something where people don't get shitty at all. | ||
| It's like, wow, that's beautiful. | ||
| That's pleasant to see. | ||
| Or there's people that want to dox people because they don't like this politician that they support, or they want you to not have to wear a mask. | ||
| People want to dox you. | ||
| There's so many people that are so fucking angry and weird online, and then you add this pandemic to it, and you just got this boiling pot of shitty thinking. | ||
| And anger. | ||
| And meanness. | ||
| Just mean. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that. | ||
| Where's the love? | ||
| Where's the love? | ||
| Where's the camaraderie? | ||
| Where's the hugs? | ||
| Isn't that the best part of your day? | ||
| Wouldn't you rather be friends with people? | ||
| Like, I know you can have disagreements and not be shitty. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| And that's what I loved about the comedy stores. | ||
| People that, you know, didn't disagree, but they fucking, you know, they're still the camaraderie, and they're, at the end of the day, they're in the same boat. | ||
| Like, they love each other. | ||
| Pretty much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lack of conservative comedians, I would say, if there's anything that's odd. | ||
| Yeah, that is. | ||
| I think that's very true. | ||
| There's a few, you know, that you know of, but it's pretty rare. | ||
| I think there's probably more than we know that they're just not on stage. | ||
| They're avoiding it. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| In acting, it's like fucking 99% or something. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which makes me think that can't be real. | ||
| It makes me think that it's probably a lot of it is people shaping their opinions so that they're more accepted and loved by the community that they've chosen to try to excel in. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| All business decisions. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I remember I had this conversation with this dude once. | ||
| I was on a TV set when I first started acting. | ||
| In news radio? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, before that. | ||
| Hardball. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is early in my acting career. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I was quite crazy. | ||
| And I was talking to this dude about a movie. | ||
| Actually, it might have been news radio days. | ||
| Because I think that's when this movie came out. | ||
| It was As Good As It Gets. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| With Jack Nicholson? | ||
| Which I thought was the most fucking depressing movie. | ||
| I'm like, here's this lady, and she's so nice, and she keeps accepting this guy for fucking up over and over again. | ||
| And then the end, the solution, is he takes a pill, and the pill keeps him from being an asshole? | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| There's no pill for that! | ||
| Like, that's so crazy. | ||
| He's an asshole. | ||
| Yeah, he was a major asshole. | ||
| He's a fucking asshole. | ||
| And we're supposed to say, oh, no, no, no, he just needed a pill. | ||
| See, once he gets this non-asshole medium inside of his body, it cancels out all the assholishness, and he's actually a good guy. | ||
| So she found a good guy. | ||
| No, this poor lady was a single mom who was living with this fucking mean piece of shit. | ||
| And a pill fixed it. | ||
| And I was like, that movie depressed the fuck out of me. | ||
| And I was talking to this actor, and he goes, actually, I think he had a lot to offer her. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| Because it was a popular movie. | ||
| I go, it was a terrible movie. | ||
| I go, if that lady was your sister, wouldn't you want to grab her and go, Helen, come on, you're awesome. | ||
| This guy's a dickhead. | ||
| This guy's so mean. | ||
| He's always mean. | ||
| He says racist shit. | ||
| He's mean. | ||
| He's cracking jokes. | ||
| He was yelling at people. | ||
| He did a lot of weird shit, right? | ||
| He was a writer, right? | ||
| They said, how do you write women so well? | ||
| I think of a regular woman, and they take away reason and accountability. | ||
| Well, it's not just that. | ||
| No, he was misogynist. | ||
| He was an asshole. | ||
| Always a dick. | ||
| But there was no nice. | ||
| No, he had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. | ||
| He had crippling OCD. I haven't seen it in many years. | ||
| Didn't make any sense. | ||
| Didn't make any sense. | ||
| I'm like, oh, it was depressing. | ||
| Look, it's a work of art, right? | ||
| It doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy. | ||
| But it made me feel bad. | ||
| But he was like sticking up for the relationship. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| But I realized in the middle of the conversation, I'm like, oh, people do shit like that because they think they're supposed to like a movie. | ||
| So they say shit. | ||
| Of course that's what he was doing. | ||
| Oh, it was 100%. | ||
| Yes, definitely. | ||
| Because I was, look, I was dumb. | ||
| I mean, I'm dumb now, but back then I was like four years removed from fighting. | ||
| If you're fucking dumb now, then I'm fucked! | ||
| I was much dumber than them, but my instincts were always to challenge people on things. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| I wanted to find out why he could ever possibly think that that was a good idea for that lady to date that fucking asshole, that mean guy who just needed a pill. | ||
| That's so crazy! | ||
| That's the craziest movie! | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I remember when the English patient came out and everybody was all over, was like, this is the best thing ever. | ||
| And I was like, that movie fucking sucked. | ||
| But I wouldn't... | ||
| Today, if it came out today, I would have no problem being like, no, you're wrong. | ||
| That movie bored the shit out of me. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| But my point was not that, you know, it was a good movie or a bad movie. | ||
| He was sticking up for the relationship to... | ||
| He was just... | ||
| This is what my point was. | ||
| I could tell he wasn't really saying it because he thought it. | ||
| Thought it. | ||
| He was saying it because he thought it was the thing that he should say. | ||
| And in talking to this guy, I found this, like, it was like one of those fake houses where they film a TV show where there's nothing behind it. | ||
| It's propped up on sticks. | ||
| And I'm looking at this guy, and it's like I look behind the sign. | ||
| I was like, you're a fake personality. | ||
| You don't even have a real personality. | ||
| Like, who are you? | ||
| Like, you're a fucking weirdo. | ||
| And this is one way you could tell these people. | ||
| They would always say, good to see you. | ||
| Even if they just met you. | ||
| They'd say, good to see you. | ||
| It was like you're in a cult. | ||
| Like, you're saying the things that everyone says. | ||
| And blessed be with you. | ||
| And blessed be with you, brother. | ||
| Like, you pass each other in the hallway. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| And everybody was full of shit. | ||
| Like, this is the most disingenuous good to see you. | ||
| Instead of saying, hey, what's up? | ||
| That's such a perfect analogy. | ||
| That is, because I was in a cult, I know what it's like to fucking experience that. | ||
| Yes, that's why I'm bringing this up. | ||
| I want to get to that. | ||
| I know your cult story. | ||
| So that is 99% of the industry, man. | ||
| That's why it's such a sad place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why it's so sad. | ||
| So lonely. | ||
| And you get all that attention. | ||
| And believe me, that's what I wanted. | ||
| That's why I came here. | ||
| I mean, I just figured out along the way what was wrong. | ||
| I figured out along the way, like, oh, this is a bad motivation. | ||
| This is not a good motivation. | ||
| Like, but the best, this is not going to fix you. | ||
| You have to fix you. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Treat what you're doing as an art form and enjoy it. | ||
| Instead of treat what you're doing as a method of extracting attention. | ||
| Because that's the difference between someone who's an artist, like Gary Clark Jr., versus someone who's just doing a lot of... | ||
| Dumb shit to try to get attention and doesn't really have any thought to it. | ||
| I know exactly what you mean. | ||
| And there were a lot of comics that were like that at the Comedy Store that were doing it just to get women and they didn't have any real love for the art form. | ||
| They just wanted to be famous. | ||
| They weren't working on their craft. | ||
| They had the same set like you talked about earlier that they've been doing for a decade. | ||
| And they were just doing it to try and get women, to try and get money. | ||
| They wanted to get famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just you got to somewhere along the line fix what's wrong with you. | ||
| And you can do that and keep growing as a person and keep just fixing what's wrong with you and concentrate on positive things. | ||
| That are about this thing. | ||
| There's a way to be healthy and still approach it. | ||
| And the way to be healthy and approach it is to approach it as an art form. | ||
| Don't approach it as a method for getting you attention. | ||
| And the problem is it's like set up to chase the attention. | ||
| It's set up to chase the sitcom role or the record that you put out or whatever the big thing is, the movie that you get into, the big thing that's supposed to elevate you and define you. | ||
| And instead of that, I think if you can, as you're evolving as an artist, reach a point where you're just trying to do your best work. | ||
| And that must feel so fucking good to reach that point. | ||
| You're never really there. | ||
| To be adjacent at least. | ||
| You're chasing it always. | ||
| You're running right alongside it, but you can never jump on its back. | ||
| If you're adjacent to that. | ||
| You just keep trying. | ||
| It's really a numbers thing in a lot of ways and an attention thing and a focus thing. | ||
| People want to say it's a talent thing. | ||
| Talent is a weird thing. | ||
| For stand-up, you've developed a personality long before you ever thought that it was an asset in a career. | ||
| Joey Diaz was just a personality. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But if you are a regular guy who works In an accounting office. | ||
| Can you imagine Joey Diaz at an accounting office? | ||
| No, impossible. | ||
| But if you're like a real calm guy who's like, I've always enjoyed stand-up comedy, I want to give it a try. | ||
| And you go to like these open mic nights and the weeknets, and you meet that savage. | ||
| You're like, oh my god, that guy's a real person? | ||
| Like, this guy exists too? | ||
| Like, I gotta quit now! | ||
| That's a different... | ||
| That advantage. | ||
| He's done some cross-training. | ||
| Like getting arrested and kidnapping people and all the coke he did. | ||
| Solid cross-training. | ||
| Comedy cross-training. | ||
| Joey Diaz, he'll have such a massive advantage over any normie. | ||
| Even if a normie's got really good jokes, he's just... | ||
| Joey's lived in it. | ||
| That personality element is something you can't teach. | ||
| You've got to figure that one out. | ||
| I think that's one of the most important things in stand-up is authenticity. | ||
| To me, I feel like that's a huge thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I feel like it's hypnotism. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I could see that. | ||
| Yeah, I've always had this idea before I was ever hypnotized. | ||
| Then my friend Vinnie Shorman, he's a hypnotist. | ||
| He hypnotizes fighters and he hypnotizes people and gets them to work on their game plan, their mindset, and it's a very strange state. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fascinating. | |
| I did it once. | ||
| Very strange state. | ||
| Very strange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, you're there. | ||
| You're aware that it's happening. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| I've seen hypnotism shows. | ||
| There was a guy in Rhode Island named Frank Santos. | ||
| He was a comedy hypnotist, and he would do these gigs in Boston. | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| Yeah, we had a couple that came through Tempe every year. | ||
| Yeah, some of them are good, right? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Some of those guys, and there's a certain level of dummy. | ||
| That dummy will be convinced he's in Game of Thrones riding a dragon. | ||
| There's a certain level of dummy. | ||
| And it really, look, for me as a person who's met people like John Carmack, who is the lead programmer of id games, who created Doom and Quake. | ||
| Oh, yeah, sure. | ||
| Super, super genius. | ||
| Elon, of course. | ||
| Meeting someone like him. | ||
| Super, super genius. | ||
| And then knowing how dumb some of my friends are. | ||
| And I'm like, hmm. | ||
| And I'm dumb, too. | ||
| But it's like, I'm around him, and I'm like, okay, there's... | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| I wonder, what is life like to that guy? | ||
| I guarantee you he's not looking at shit the way I'm looking at it. | ||
| You know, he's looking at... | ||
| He's got something... | ||
| It's like you're looking into the Matrix. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I think there's levels lower than us. | ||
| And you get to this level where you can talk a guy into thinking he's having sex... | ||
| With Christy Teigen. | ||
| He'll really believe that him and Kim Kardashian are having sex. | ||
| You can convince those people. | ||
| And they even come in their pants. | ||
| This guy, Frank Santos, used to make guys nuts in their pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut the fuck up! | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| 100%, dude. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Get out! | ||
| Back then it was Madonna. | ||
| I'm not kidding, man. | ||
| First of all, the guy was a wizard. | ||
| What's his number? | ||
| Well, he's dead, unfortunately. | ||
| Rest his soul. | ||
| But his son is doing stand-up, and his son is doing hypnotism shows. | ||
| His son has the same name. | ||
| But anyway, he would have this show weekly at Stitches. | ||
| Stitches was a big comedy club in Boston. | ||
| And all the comics, like Fitzsimmons and me, we would go to the back of the room and watch the Frank Santos show all the time. | ||
| I was dating a waitress there at the time. | ||
| So I'd be there all the time. | ||
| So even if I didn't have a set, we'd come down and watch Frank Santos show because it was so ridiculous. | ||
| Those were always my favorite shows to watch too, except for obviously the greatest comics that would come through. | ||
| But yeah, those were always a fun show. | ||
| They were ridiculous. | ||
| When he gets people to do things and tells them, you're on a bus, and the bus is about to go off the cliff and into the ocean, and you don't know how to swim, people would be screaming. | ||
| The midnight ones where it was the dirty one, they would always do the dirty show. | ||
| One time I saw, it was a couple, and this guy, he convinced this girl she was in a porno. | ||
| And they gave her a banana, and she started deep-throating the banana, and the whole crowd was going insane. | ||
| And then they got in, like, he, like, Sadly, he beat her up in the parking lot. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't a great ending. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, but those shows were always wild. | ||
| The guy? | ||
| Not the hypnotist, her boyfriend. | ||
| Oh, the boyfriend, because he was in the audience? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, because he was with her. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| So it wasn't his fault, but that was the last time we did the Midnight Hypnita show. | ||
| But what you do on here... | ||
| You can't get mad at a woman for expressing her inner and holiness. | ||
| Yeah, of course not. | ||
| You just gotta respect it, who she really is. | ||
| You do hypnosis here, with this. | ||
| I was terrified. | ||
| I was really nervous coming in here. | ||
| I've been thinking about it ever since you invited me. | ||
| I'm like, I'm gonna puke all over the studio. | ||
| I lost so much sleep over it. | ||
| I've seen it with Stern and now with you. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| You do hypnosis almost. | ||
| You put everyone at ease. | ||
| No, Adam, we're actually friends. | ||
| I know that, I know that, but... | ||
| If we were at dinner, we would talk like this. | ||
| Yeah, but you have a large audience, like, it's different, man. | ||
| Yeah, but you gotta not think about that. | ||
| Alright, yeah, fair enough. | ||
| That's the thing, if you think about that, that fucks your head up. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| Don't think about that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Just think about the fact that this is how we would talk, no matter what. | ||
| This is true. | ||
| Right, if we were hanging out in the back bar, the comedy store, and you and me just hanging out in the back there, we would talk just like this. | ||
| Thank God for Eric creating that back bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Amazing. | |
| You know, that back bar is the best part of the comedy club. | ||
| It's amazing and it has the bar that's actually from Mitzi Shore's house. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| How cool is that? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that bar's perfect. | ||
| It's my one little place to go for solace. | ||
| Yeah, it's a sweet spot when it doesn't get overrun. | ||
| Sometimes it gets overrun. | ||
| I bring that up on a weekly basis. | ||
| That'll be number one on the agenda once we reopen. | ||
| People get back there, they're not even comedians. | ||
| I know, it's a nightmare. | ||
| What is happening here? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| I almost prefer them to the open micers. | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| Because then they're like asking, bugging people to be on their podcast. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| The open micers are tricky because, you know, they all, me included, like I said about Ari, we all started as open micers. | ||
| Ari is basically, I think, just starting to do sets, like paid sets probably when he got here. | ||
| I wonder when he first started getting paid. | ||
| But I started taking him on the road with me. | ||
| 2004? | ||
| 5? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| It was a couple years into his career. | ||
| And he was, you know, coming up from being a door guy to getting fairly regular spots. | ||
| And he just kept getting better and working at it. | ||
| So that day that he was doing his specials, like, I have to be there. | ||
| I have to. | ||
| I have to. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm like, even if I have to fight. | ||
| Like, all of my horrible instincts to run away and fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| I had to. | ||
| Thank God you fucking did. | ||
| And thank God they allowed him to film that special in the O.R. Thank God. | ||
| Because at first, it took a lot of... | ||
| Took a lot of convincing. | ||
| I mean, how important that was. | ||
| When I pulled into the parking lot that Tuesday night, the night before a special, I was nervous. | ||
| Like, nervous to be driving in the back parking lot. | ||
| Yeah, you took seven years off. | ||
| I know, it was weird. | ||
| It's like going back to your old high school or something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I can't imagine what that was like. | ||
| Going back home from a long, long time away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Dude, it's contact high. | ||
| You can't be in this room. | ||
| You're 90 days. | ||
| It's like if you hadn't returned home for many years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Seeing your old family. | ||
| I'm worried that we're going to lose clubs. | ||
| I'm worried we're going to lose restaurants. | ||
| I'm worried we're going to lose clubs. | ||
| I'm worried we're going to lose everything. | ||
| Yeah, it's terrifying. | ||
| I try not to think about it. | ||
| But I think the commie store is going to... | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| I think the commie store will be okay. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I just don't fucking know. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know either. | ||
| If they don't let us back in soon. | ||
| Because it's not even June. | ||
| You know, they're talking about July 4th. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What is going to happen over the next month? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, we got to open. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I can't anymore. | ||
| I'm nervous about the way it's going to reboot. | ||
| Like, what's going to happen? | ||
| What's it going to be like? | ||
| You mean in terms of the capacity? | ||
| In terms of what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's going to... | |
| Society. | ||
| What's society going to be like? | ||
| Oh, yeah, just society. | ||
| Oh, I don't fucking know. | ||
| Like, it's... | ||
| The streets are so empty right now. | ||
| They're ominous. | ||
| And there's this, like, ominous feeling when you're driving around of, like, this is just the beginnings of a volcano. | ||
| What's wrong? | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| Look, eventually it seems like they're going to have a vaccine for sure. | ||
| I know nothing's definite. | ||
| What are you, doctor? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| It sounds like they've had some progress. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, if it was ready, they would give it to us, right? | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| It's definitely not ready. | ||
| And there's talk about it. | ||
| There's also talk about something... | ||
| Find out what the fuck an mRNA virus is. | ||
| We were talking about this with Pac-Man, right? | ||
| Oh, fuck me. | ||
| Do I even want to know? | ||
| This is a new kind of a... | ||
| Not virus, excuse me. | ||
| Vaccine. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| mRNA vaccine. | ||
| So this is some shit that Alex Jones told me about. | ||
| And he said it's something that we all have to be very concerned with. | ||
| I just googled it. | ||
| So it's something that it's a vaccine that's going to be able to... | ||
| It uses your own body to create proteins, right? | ||
| Isn't that how it works? | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| I know I'm butchering this, but instead of having a... | ||
| Here, does it say? | ||
| Okay, scientists produce a synthetic version of the mRNA that a virus uses to build its infectious proteins. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| Yeah, see, I'm clearly butchering it, but the idea of it is that it makes your body produce something that protects you from the virus. | ||
| Maybe it turns us all into fucking spider-man. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| I mean, yeah, I'm fucking in. | ||
| When does one of these things not kill us but turn us into gods? | ||
| It turns us into superheroes. | ||
| When do we get to be Dr. Manhattan? | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| I love how you obviously want to be Dr. Manhattan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah! | |
| I just want to be fucking spider-man. | ||
| I want to live on Mars and not give a fuck and travel through the universe and have no emotions and be blue and jacked. | ||
| Because out of all the superheroes, that's the one that you would resemble the most currently. | ||
| Well, he's the only superhero if you're going to be a superhero. | ||
| Everyone else is basically like a person with some extra things they do. | ||
| He's a god. | ||
| Dr. Manhattan is like one level below a god. | ||
| Who was fucking Galactica? | ||
| What was Galactica or Galacticus? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| He was like a planet. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| All those superhero movies man, people who don't enjoy those superhero movies lose my number. | ||
| Yeah, how could you be that sad? | ||
| I don't love all of them, but most of them. | ||
| There's a lot of good ones, man. | ||
| Yeah, they're fun. | ||
| Here's Galactus. | ||
| Galactus. | ||
| Galactus. | ||
| Originally Galan before its transformation. | ||
| Oh, you had a transformation and turned into something. | ||
| A single survivor of the universe preceding the Big Bang of the main universe of the Marvel Comics universe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| With these traits and his appointment of powerful beings as his heralds, formerly the Silver Surfer. | ||
| Oh, he used to run the Silver Surfer. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I just remember him being a Bigfoot. | ||
| Look, he's holding a fucking planet. | ||
| He's going to be the next guy that they fight when they probably start up the movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| No way, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm making a guess by itself because it sounds like he's got Thanos power. | |
| Bro, they should bring back the Silver Surfer, man. | ||
| I fucking loved the Silver Surfer when I was a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, Silver Surfer was badass. | |
| They did it once, but it was kind of weird. | ||
| And Fantastic Four. | ||
| Those weren't great. | ||
| There was one Silver Surfer movie, though, wasn't there? | ||
| Was there a Silver Surfer movie? | ||
| I thought it was the Fantastic Four. | ||
| I think it was a Fantastic Four Silver Surfer. | ||
| I think there was an actual Silver Surfer. | ||
| The Rise of the Silver Surfer. | ||
| Fantastic Four, 2007. Oh, so it was a specific episode of The Fantastic Four, The Rise of the Silver Surfer. | ||
| Yeah, it was a sequel to that first with Chris Evans when he was in Captain America. | ||
| He was in The Fantastic Four. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| They got to keep everybody together, can't they? | ||
| The Silver Surfer have his own shit? | ||
| Can't let the Silver Surfer have some fun. | ||
| Michael Chiklis was the thing. | ||
| See, but see, there's four. | ||
| Four people. | ||
| Silver Surfer's five, motherfucker. | ||
| Give him his own show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Silver Surfer was so dope. | ||
| Oh, he was dope as fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Michael Chiklis. | ||
| Is that Captain America? | ||
| Yeah, he was in this. | ||
| What was he? | ||
| What was he? | ||
| Is he Flame? | ||
| Oh, he's the Flame. | ||
| Yeah, he's one of the four guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Who the fuck is Mr. Fantastic? | ||
| Michael Chiklis was a good thing, too. | ||
| You ever watch that cop show that guy was in? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| The one afterwards. | ||
| The Shield? | ||
| The Shield. | ||
| The Shield was great. | ||
| The Shield was excellent. | ||
| That was an excellent cop show. | ||
| That was a really good cop show. | ||
| Like, really good. | ||
| I think it was... | ||
| Complicated and... | ||
| Burr Kreischer's not an episode of that. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| Oh, no way. | ||
| He's jerking off on people? | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| Alright, good for him. | ||
| That sounds right. | ||
| Sounds like what he'd get arrested for. | ||
| Yeah, those movies are fun, man. | ||
| Like, now more than ever, when shit gets really hard, that's when people want escapism. | ||
| That's when something like a comic book movie is the most fun. | ||
| I went through and I just started watching all the ones I missed because I missed a few. | ||
| Bert Kreischer in The Shield. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Oh, no way! | ||
| Look, he's beaten up in the alleyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fucking Bert! | |
| And they're gonna arrest him for that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No! | ||
| Was he beating off in someone's window? | ||
| He's peeping Tom like that. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Is that a funny thing that they get you for? | ||
| Oh, they gotta cuff him out there? | ||
| He gives up so easy, too. | ||
| Look how easy he gave up. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Didn't even try to punch that cop. | ||
| One cop. | ||
| So disrespectful. | ||
| That's outstanding. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Silly Bert. | ||
| Is that who he was looking at? | ||
| That guy fucking? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| Oh, maybe both of them. | ||
| Why are you going to make him stick around? | ||
| They're going to make him address her with his hands cuffed behind his back? | ||
| And look, they don't even put their clothes on. | ||
| They're like, we're going to go back to fucking real quick, so what do you have to do here? | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| She doesn't even have clothes on. | ||
| Like a TV show. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But can you imagine like you have to answer the door so quickly you can't even put your clothes on? | ||
| You just hold a t-shirt over your tits? | ||
| Super normal. | ||
| Everybody does that when there's a whole group of people outside your door. | ||
| Yeah, never in my life. | ||
| You say, hold on, I need to get dressed. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Then you can fucking get dressed. | ||
| That lady's an animal. | ||
| See her? | ||
| She's got a towel. | ||
| She doesn't even want to tie it on. | ||
| She's like, I'm going to let this go because I'm going to fuck soon. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's what she looked like. | ||
| You've got to go down at the station. | ||
| You've got to put your clothes on. | ||
| She's not going anywhere. | ||
| She doesn't have time for that shit. | ||
| She's not going to press charges. | ||
| No. | ||
| You could see it in her eyes. | ||
| Get out of here, you creep. | ||
| That's a weird one, though, right? | ||
| Like, peeping into people's windows is illegal. | ||
| But they're glass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's true. | ||
| They are transparent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You look right in there. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Seems weird. | ||
| Bert took it a little too far, maybe. | ||
| For sure, he was beaten off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, like, if you have a window that's facing an alley and someone walks in that alley and they stare in your window, who's the asshole? | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point. | ||
| I think there's a time limit, maybe. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You should count ten Mississippi. | ||
| You don't even get the fuck out of there. | ||
| Probably five Mississippi. | ||
| Weird in those people out. | ||
| Yeah, what Rear Window is, that movie, the Hitchcock movie. | ||
| Yeah, it was a fucking great movie. | ||
| Yeah, God. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He spent the whole fucking movie staring into that guy's apartment with binoculars across the way. | ||
| I barely remember that one. | ||
| It's way before my time. | ||
| You know what I barely remembered? | ||
| I think. | ||
| I barely remembered. | ||
| I watched a little bit of it recently. | ||
| It's Psycho. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I mean, the beginning is great, especially. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's all I watched. | ||
| I just watched the shower scene. | ||
| Fair enough. | ||
| When he puts the wig on, stabs a chick. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| It's from 1940. But it's um, it's so, whatever, is that what it was? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Whatever it was, it was such an, it was so different than any movie you'd ever see today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like it was so, just the pacing and the suspense. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| It was just different. | ||
| I used to watch all the old, like, it's like Twilight Zone or the old Hitchcock, Alfred Hitchcock Presents around the same time. | ||
| I remember this one. | ||
| He actually, with Janet Leigh, he made sure that it was ice cold water so that the scream, like he would turn it to make sure that the water was ice cold right when she was getting stabbed. | ||
| So those screams are like actual fucking primal screams. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That sounds very Hitchcockian. | ||
| But dude, this was such a crazy thing. | ||
| A naked lady washing herself off. | ||
| Look at her in ecstasy. | ||
| This was like erotica. | ||
| Yeah, and then there's two different shots. | ||
| This is why it's so scary. | ||
| Groundbreaking. | ||
| Because you're in love with her. | ||
| You're like, I wish I was there to wash your hair. | ||
| Like, oh fuck. | ||
| Yeah, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, if you're a guy and you're sad, this... | ||
| Just insane. | ||
| Oh, this is so crazy. | ||
| Oh, and then that shot. | ||
| Yeah, you like see her. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| This was such a crazy movie. | ||
| This scene was so insane. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Oh, it's so insane, dude. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Wow, yeah, it still holds up like a motherfucker. | ||
| Yeah, it holds up. | ||
| It's masterful in that you don't see anything gory, but you're still horrified and flinching while it's happening. | ||
| Yeah, like Reservoir Dogs when Mr. Blonde cuts off the cop's ear. | ||
| Yeah, but even more fucked up because you were in love with her and you were just going to wash her hair. | ||
| It's 1960. Yeah, you didn't want to wash her hair. | ||
| You wanted to wash her hair. | ||
| You wanted to help her. | ||
| You guys are saying this holds up. | ||
| When I saw The Exorcist in the theater when they re-released it after the 25th anniversary, me and my friends were hilariously laughing at some of the scenes because people had built it up so long our whole lives. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was the scariest thing ever. | ||
| And she's running down the stairs backwards and she pees on herself. | ||
| We just thought it was... | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| I mean, we've seen Scream. | ||
| Those aren't scary either, but that's what our generation's scary movies were. | ||
| It was just wild how funny this stuff was. | ||
| I remember that the first one I ever saw as a kid was The Shining, and that still holds up. | ||
| That still holds up. | ||
| That's an interesting one, right? | ||
| Because Stephen King didn't like it. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense because it is wildly different from... | ||
| It's a huge departure from the novel. | ||
| So I can imagine if you're an artist and then someone takes your artwork and they completely change it in many different ways. | ||
| They changed it a bunch of ways, but they kept it a bunch of ways, too. | ||
| It became like a collaboration between him and Kubrick because it was clearly his original idea. | ||
| But he wanted, I believe, Stephen King wanted that character to go crazy. | ||
| He didn't want him to have this fucking edge, like, right from the beginning. | ||
| Like, Jack Nicholson had an edge, like, right from the beginning and then became insane. | ||
| And then, you know, became... | ||
| Well, I know what it's like, yeah, to be an alcoholic who just stopped drinking. | ||
| And I think you have that edge almost from the get-go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| But, I mean, Jack's Jack. | ||
| That movie was so good. | ||
| It was top 10 all-time fave for me. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| It's like someone needed to tell Stephen King, like, I know it wasn't the same thing, but goddamn it was good. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| Dude, when those little girls are in the hallway and the fucking blood's coming out of the elevator, holy shit, that's a good movie. | ||
| So many great moments. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And back then when it came out, like people don't understand. | ||
| Like The Shining is like, what is that? | ||
| 82 or something like that? | ||
| 1980, I think. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So 1980. People, you've got to understand. | ||
| We're talking about a whole different world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no special effects. | ||
| If there are there, they're not very good. | ||
| They're all like clunky. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Empire Strikes Back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's it. | ||
| It's clunky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The special effects are clunky. | ||
| I guess Empire Strikes Back is pretty fucking dope. | ||
| And then Alien was 79. That's right. | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But that's it. | |
| My argument's falling apart. | ||
| Blade Runner was 82. So there's really not much else, though. | ||
| There is a lot of clunky. | ||
| So they did this movie with just all of the different crazy moments, like that bathroom moment with the axe coming through the door. | ||
| There were so many of those moments. | ||
| The moment with the old lady. | ||
| Because Kubrick was a fucking master at Creating suspense and and using the sets and the color contrast like just the the the color patterns are Unsettling and the fact that he used those twins weren't exactly they weren't twins There were just little differences that makes it unsettling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's so many different ways Do you know he used to do complex mathematics for fun? | |
| That's how what a genius. | ||
| He was a trippy dude by far I think the greatest director of all time Well, he definitely is one of them, and one of the most unique ones. | ||
| You know, there's a crazy conspiracy theory connected to the shining and the moon landing. | ||
| Yeah, I heard about the moon landing. | ||
| Yeah, it's all about the number on the door is the exact same amount of thousands of miles. | ||
| It's 237, and it's 237,000 miles away. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| By the way, it varies. | ||
| See, that's the problem with that argument, is that the distance between the Earth and the moon is not constant. | ||
| I think it moves a little bit. | ||
| So I think it goes as far as 265,000 feet out, or miles, rather. | ||
| 265,000 miles out, and it goes to 237. But I think it varies. | ||
| I think it goes like this. | ||
| I think it has like an elliptical orbit around the Earth a little bit. | ||
| Maybe I made that up. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Sounds accurate. | ||
| Sorry, I was in the middle of reading the 237 stuff. | ||
| Yeah, I heard it was also possibly about Native Americans, how the hotel was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and even Shelley Duvall sort of looked Native American. | ||
| You could hear Native American music playing in the opening credits. | ||
| I wouldn't be surprised if there was many layers to it. | ||
| Yeah, he's just a brilliant man. | ||
| He was a brilliant, brilliant man. | ||
| The little kid did have an Apollo 11 sweatshirt on. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did have an Apollo 11. I mean, that's pretty on the nose. | |
| I just remember in the back room, in the stock room, there was like a can of a product with a giant, it was like Geronimo's head on there. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Dude, there's so much to that. | ||
| There's probably many layers. | ||
| I mean, Kubrick is not going to operate on one layer. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's probably going to have a bunch of weird shit in there. | ||
| I mean, look at 2001. What a mindfuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| What a mindfuck. | ||
| Well, there was so much of his work. | ||
| You know, and he's the guy that the conspiracy theorists, when they get the most crazy, when they really want to dive into who did it, they think it was all Kubrick. | ||
| Kubrick literally filmed the fake moon landing, uploaded it to the American TV satellites. | ||
| If anyone could do it, it'd be him. | ||
| He'd be the guy I would get to do it. | ||
| Can you imagine if that was really what happened in all these years? | ||
| I remember hearing all the fucking conspiracy theorists about the Illuminati killing him because he made... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they were worried he was going to open his fucking mouth. | ||
| Tell about the moon landing. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, because he made fucking eyes wide shut. | |
| That too. | ||
| That was his last one. | ||
| They're like, enough. | ||
| This guy's getting too close. | ||
| Because I think he died like a week after that movie came out. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| That's how they roll. | ||
| People used to think nobody really rolled that way until this Jeffrey Epstein shit. | ||
| And they're like, oh, what? | ||
| It's shocking. | ||
| This is the first really, truly eye-opening one like this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, that's an Alex Jones one, too. | ||
| Alex Jones was talking about that way before anybody was. | ||
| He called it way before, and he said, there's this service, and they take these elites, and they bring them to this place, and they have sex with underage girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| And everybody was like, no fucking way. | ||
| That sounds like science fiction. | ||
| And then you realize, like... | ||
| Oh, this is 100% true, and nobody was talking about it. | ||
| 100% true. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| And then the guy gets suicided. | ||
| The guy's in jail, going to trial, and they're like, well, Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide. | ||
| And they're like, we're all somewhere in the 1940s again. | ||
| Breaking news! | ||
| That's just in. | ||
| Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide today. | ||
| 100% convinced it was not fishy business. | ||
| I remember Diaz telling me in the parking lot like a week before that happened, he's like, this guy's not going to try it. | ||
| They're killing this fucking guy. | ||
| Authorities do not suspect foul play. | ||
| Jeffrey Epstein, Filthy Rich, what is that? | ||
| New documentary? | ||
| It comes out the 27th. | ||
| It's based off of James Patterson's book, which came out a couple years ago. | ||
| That's going to get a lot of views. | ||
| I've been into these Jack Carr books. | ||
| Have you ever read any Jack Carr shit? | ||
| Jack Carr has... | ||
| Three books, and he's working on his fourth one now, and it's all about, it's like, they're thrillers, but like, there's espionage and political shit going on in there, and the main protagonist- Clancy? | ||
| I don't know, I've never read Clancy, but the main guy is a Navy SEAL, and there's all this crazy shit that happens in all these stories, but in a lot of them, you go, wow, like, I used to think that something like this is preposterous, that people are just making up this idea that people would conspire to do evil, creepy shit all over the world and do it to make money and sacrifice people's lives. | ||
| But as I've gotten older, I'm like, oh, that's probably way closer to what's really going on. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Like that's probably way closer. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It probably is like that when the guy like Epstein gets arrested and then gets suicided and then everybody's like, well, too bad. | ||
| Guess he's dead. | ||
| There's no Senate hearings. | ||
| They're not standing in front of the TV every day going, what happened? | ||
| One of the most important witnesses ever. | ||
| How could the cameras not be working? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't check? | |
| I love that. | ||
| Tim Dillon did that. | ||
| Oh, he's so good at that shit. | ||
| Oh, Tim Dillon's amazing. | ||
| He's my favorite. | ||
| He's, uh, out of all the young, wild guys coming up, he's the most wild. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| He's the most wild. | ||
| And consistently brilliant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's fucking funny as shit. | ||
| Yeah, Schultz is very wild, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's great. | |
| Andrew Schultz, very wild, too. | ||
| He impresses me. | ||
| He goes for it. | ||
| He goes for it. | ||
| I wish he lived in LA. He takes some risky turns. | ||
| He takes some risky turns. | ||
| Yeah, he sure does. | ||
| Tim Dillon does too. | ||
| That fucking Meghan McCain thing is the single greatest impression I've ever seen. | ||
| Ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You want to fuck these kids though? | |
| Apparently she blocked him, which made it even better. | ||
| I love the way he says, what's her name? | ||
| Ocasio Cortez. | ||
| Oh, now he's dressed as a coronavirus. | ||
| Oh, this was good. | ||
| Did you hear he did a rant about cruise ships on this podcast? | ||
| That was great. | ||
| He did another great rant today or yesterday, a fucking solid one. | ||
| Every time there's something going on with cruise ships, I send it to him now. | ||
| We have this back and forth on just cruise ship shit. | ||
| I still say the most dangerous comic right now who will say whatever the fuck he wants is still Holtzman. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That guy has balls. | ||
| He's always been buck wild. | ||
| I always quote Holtzman's thing about there was a lady who drowned her kids back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that. | ||
| And he goes, ladies and gentlemen... | ||
| I heard those are bad kids. | ||
| I mean, he's doing this like a week after. | ||
| This fucking lady drowned her baby. | ||
| He's like, they sat that close to the TV! They didn't put away their blocks! | ||
| Those kids will not be missed! | ||
| They spilt their milk! | ||
| We were like, oh no. | ||
| After 9-11, Mitzi went and put him up. | ||
| Oh, I mean... | ||
| He's like, you can't come up yet! | ||
| Let me up, Mitzi! | ||
| He's like, no! | ||
| He was so funny at Mitzi's memorial. | ||
| He would just say the most fucking horrible shit and then list off a bunch of random tour dates. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, August 3rd, August 4th, I'll be at the Yuck Yucks in Montreal. | |
| Have you seen his Instagram? | ||
| Thank God it's Wednesday. | ||
| I'm here at the In-N-Out Burger. | ||
| Thank God it's Wednesday. | ||
| He does some sketch with some lady at a Thai food place near his house. | ||
| Oh, so funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You seen that? | |
| Yeah, that's the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she's singing in Vietnamese and he's like interpreting or something. | |
| He's a staple. | ||
| He's a wild man. | ||
| He's a staple. | ||
| Yeah, he really is. | ||
| And he's a guy that wouldn't exist any other place. | ||
| There's something about the crazy darkness of the store that helps a guy like that. | ||
| We're putting him a lot in the documentary, so hopefully we get a lot of eyes on him. | ||
| I'm really excited about that. | ||
| I've always said the way to do a special with him is just to film him for like a month. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Let him do all of his sets for like a month and piece it together. | ||
| We let him go for an hour, and we got a lot of good material with Holtzman. | ||
| There's a thing where it's the end of the night, you did your show, and then you're leaving the back bar, and you gotta go take a leak, and you go take a leak, and then you hear, What the fuck did I just say to you? | ||
| And you're like, oh my god, Holtzman's in... | ||
| You walk in there, there's like eight other people. | ||
| You sit down. | ||
| Holtzman embarrassed at the end of the night. | ||
| It's a staple. | ||
| Microphone always in the stand. | ||
| Ugh, so funny. | ||
| Oh my god, and he's always... | ||
| He's very Dangerfield, very Rodney. | ||
| Well, his look, too, is very old-timey. | ||
| Like, he's from another era. | ||
| Tucked-in shirt. | ||
| And he behaves like that too, like these fucking kids today. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Yeah, there's nothing better than late night at the store. | ||
| Don Barris, Holtzman, used to be Brody. | ||
| You know what I always say about that place? | ||
| I think there's a real argument for objects collecting energy. | ||
| Put on your woo-woo. | ||
| Hold on your crystals because we're gonna talk sister. | ||
| I think there's some real power in objects and I think when you're around objects and you have fun, like if you are in that room, that comedy store, that room is like an encasing. | ||
| It's like a vessel. | ||
| Yeah, and there's an encasing of these moments. | ||
| There's something in the walls. | ||
| Like, there's so many laughs have been had in that room. | ||
| There's something in the wall. | ||
| Yeah, I remember closing up. | ||
| Part of it's psychological that you're thinking about it. | ||
| Here I am. | ||
| I'm thinking about, you know, this is... | ||
| But part of it's the seasoning. | ||
| It's like a frying pan that you've used a bunch of times. | ||
| It's like there's seasoning in that place. | ||
| I've never seen... | ||
| That's a perfect way to describe it, seasoning. | ||
| I've never seen any ghosts. | ||
| I'm very skeptical of that kind of thing. | ||
| Super skeptical. | ||
| But I'm telling you, I would close up that club by myself every night at 3 or 4 in the morning. | ||
| For five years and I didn't feel great about closing up by myself at night. | ||
| Like going up to the belly room and shutting up all the fucking lights? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Fuck that shit. | ||
| That's the room. | ||
| Very Outlook Hotel. | ||
| It's like the Overlook Hotel. | ||
| It's like The Shining. | ||
| The belly room for me is the one that freaks me out. | ||
| And also it's because it's connected to all these corridors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like this room there. | ||
| And the mirrors and shit. | ||
| And you go upstairs there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then over there is the little green room. | ||
| It's like everything's dark. | ||
| It's like a haunted house. | ||
| What's going to jump out at you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right, right. | |
| And then over there's a stairway to get downstairs into the hallway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's the doorway to the outside. | ||
| Sometimes that would slam. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So many different entrances and exits. | ||
| I feel like, I don't know how many people have been killed in that building. | ||
| I don't know how many people have been killed in that building. | ||
| Many. | ||
| But I think they killed a fuckload of them in that room upstairs. | ||
| Yeah, I'll bet. | ||
| That room upstairs is the one that gets me. | ||
| I think they did the murder probably in the basement, no? | ||
| I guess that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, that would make sense. | ||
| I heard that as well about the basement. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that room gives me the creeps. | ||
| The basement gives me the creeps a little bit, too. | ||
| It used to before they fucking converted it into a podcast studio. | ||
| Now it gives you more of the creeps. | ||
| I did Argus' show down there. | ||
| Super creeps. | ||
| No, that was fun. | ||
| There you will about Argus, man. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| He always kills. | ||
| He's constantly writing new material. | ||
| It's always solid. | ||
| He's fucking good. | ||
| He's very good. | ||
| And I also like his style with the dark room, the spotlight. | ||
| We did spots together, which I'm usually not in the same time as him, like right before him or after him. | ||
| But we did them back-to-back once, and I was like, Damn, it's really good material. | ||
| It's tight. | ||
| And a lot of it is like things that are happening right now. | ||
| Like things that are current in the news. | ||
| And he had great bits on them. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Like a really, really sharp writer. | ||
| He's perfect to go up right there. | ||
| Second on the line. | ||
| Yeah, he gets everything popping. | ||
| Except the tone for the rest of the night. | ||
| I just love the fact that he loves it so much. | ||
| Yeah, he fucking can't get enough of it. | ||
| He's been doing it forever. | ||
| 45 years. | ||
| But he still loves it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever see him jogging? | ||
| Yes, I have. | ||
| Super addicted to jogging. | ||
| He can't get enough of that either. | ||
| Yeah, seven miles a day, twice a day, I heard. | ||
| I don't know if that's... | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| I saw him one time outside at a grocery store. | ||
| It's like seeing your teacher out of school. | ||
| It was off-putting. | ||
| And he jogs into Hollywood, which is even weirder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, he's like, fuck a gym. | ||
| I'm just going to use the road. | ||
| There's something about those people, right? | ||
| When you're in your neighborhood and someone just is using your neighborhood like a gym. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, there's something weird about that. | ||
| Shouldn't you go run where people run? | ||
| Like, why are you running where people drive? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's a thing that people do, man. | ||
| Drown? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Like in New York City, there's always people that are using the city as their gym. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're just running. | ||
| Like, everybody else is walking, and these people are exercising. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, it's fucking weird. | ||
| Argus even has a bit about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does he? | |
| Yeah, he says, you see a guy on a bicycle in LA, that guy's working out. | ||
| You see a guy on a bicycle in Dallas, Texas, he's got DUI. It's true. | ||
| It's a pretty good Argus impression, too. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| This is a little bit of slang, too. | ||
| Where's he from? | ||
| Oklahoma. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I've heard some great Argus stories over the years. | ||
| Like, you know, just him and all the history with Mitzi and the Shores. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Love Argus. | ||
| We all love Argus. | ||
| No, it's a great place, man. | ||
| Argus's a great guy. | ||
| It's a great place. | ||
| There's so many good people there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just when? | ||
| When? | ||
| I say July. | ||
| I think July. | ||
| What do we do if this fuck says no? | ||
| What if he says January 1st? | ||
| I think we all move to Austin. | ||
| We all become Trump fans. | ||
| We gotta get the president involved. | ||
| Kiss his ass. | ||
| We all fucking shoot up. | ||
| We all shoot up with some fucking Lysol and walk down to Austin. | ||
| We don't require much, Mr. Trump. | ||
| Just open the fucking comedy store, please. | ||
| Open the store, please. | ||
| Just do what you gotta do. | ||
| Open comedy clubs up. | ||
| You got our support. | ||
| Why isn't it an essential business? | ||
| It seems like it should be. | ||
| It's certainly more essential than some of the other fucking businesses. | ||
| Think about how much different is the contact, the close proximity to contact that you get if you were in a comedy show versus if you were in line at a store and you're handing a cashier your money and they're giving you money back and you're looking at it, you're touching hands. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, you're face to face. | ||
| Yeah, the guy who's bagging your shit. | ||
| He's bagging it inches from you. | ||
| He's putting it in the thing. | ||
| He hands it to you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You pass by someone here. | ||
| You pass by someone there as you're leaving. | ||
| You're doing that shit all the time. | ||
| Seems pretty simple to me. | ||
| You take the forehead temperature, make sure everybody enforce the masks. | ||
| Separate by table, you know, take out half the fucking tables and call it a day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's what's crazy. | |
| People don't even want you talking about this, Adam. | ||
| I know. | ||
| This is what's weird about it. | ||
| They get mad if you talk about it. | ||
| If you even come up with solutions. | ||
| If you even have a perspective other than what's going on right now exactly. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| No, it's not great. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| No one knows what the fuck is the right thing to do here, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, as much as I love Korean baseball, I want to go to work. | ||
| I want to go back to work. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| I'm sick of it, man. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Come on, Garcetti. | ||
| Hear us. | ||
| Hear us. | ||
| Hear us, Eric. | ||
| Just keep... | ||
| If people want to be quarantined, let them be quarantined. | ||
| But don't make everybody be quarantined. | ||
| Yeah, no more mandated. | ||
| You've got to destroy everything everybody's worked for in terms of their businesses. | ||
| That's hard. | ||
| And I mean, honestly, that is heartbreaking. | ||
| It is heartbreaking. | ||
| And every day that it goes on, it gets more and more severe. | ||
| I'm more for safety and health and all that shit. | ||
| But I think just like everything else in the world, we need balance. | ||
| We need to really think about this and come up with some solutions and not just say no. | ||
| I don't like the narrative, particularly in this case, because it's not what we thought it was going to be in terms of the fatality rate. | ||
| I don't like the narrative that you're protecting people. | ||
| That you have to listen to them because it's protecting other people. | ||
| I don't like that narrative. | ||
| I don't think there's only one way to protect people. | ||
| Another way to protect people would be isolate those people. | ||
| And don't pretend that you can't do that. | ||
| Because if you can shut down the whole world, you can isolate the vulnerable. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| You did a monumental thing already. | ||
| The most monumental thing really ever. | ||
| Told people to stop working and they did. | ||
| Most of the world stopped working for a couple months. | ||
| It's pretty crazy. | ||
| Pretty wild. | ||
| But then you're saying you can do that, but you can't figure out how to isolate people that are vulnerable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And give people the opportunity to make their own decisions. | ||
| You let them fucking go dirt bike riding. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You let them do backflips with motorcycles. | ||
| People do a lot of wild shit. | ||
| Nobody has a problem with that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you tell them that they can't go out and possibly get themselves infected because they'll infect somebody else. | ||
| Like educate people. | ||
| Educate people, and if they do do it anyway, that fucking piece of shit, they were probably gonna put people in danger in some other way. | ||
| They're probably drunk driving their mom. | ||
| You know, it's probably an asshole. | ||
| It's like, you gotta be cognizant of the vulnerable people for sure, but you also have to give people the opportunity To earn a living. | ||
| To not be homeless and fucking hungry. | ||
| If they're willing to risk being sick, you've got to give them the opportunity to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm all for that. | |
| And you've got to give them the education to help them get over that cold, to help them keep that virus from getting to them with all the precautions that everybody's using every day anyway. | ||
| Yeah, the structure to make sure that they're as safe as possible. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| But people don't even like that you're talking about it. | ||
| Oh my god, that's insane. | ||
| They're angry. | ||
| They're so angry at them. | ||
| Me personally, specifically? | ||
| Yeah, you right now, because you already talked about it. | ||
| You talked about it with me. | ||
| You definitely got a secondhand high. | ||
| I probably did. | ||
| Yeah, you did. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| I could tell. | ||
| You got just a touch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just a touch. | |
| It's the perfect amount. | ||
| Yeah, like if you're an alcoholic and you hang out with people who drink, it doesn't do a goddamn thing for you. | ||
| No, nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing at all. | |
| But if you're a smoker and you decide to take a little time off and you're around people that smoke weed, you catch a breeze. | ||
| I remember I did a show with Tripoli in Toronto. | ||
| They have this underground Tripoli. | ||
| That's all I got. | ||
| Lizard people! | ||
| We did the show at that underground place in Toronto that's all weed. | ||
| Do you know about that place? | ||
| It's the most preposterous show you've ever done in your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're just hotboxing the fuck out of everybody. | |
| They had bongs on the table. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| I was just looking out at a cloud. | ||
| There was a cloud in front of you. | ||
| You could barely see. | ||
| With the spotlight and then all the smoke in the room, you barely saw what was going on. | ||
| And you were so high. | ||
| There was no air. | ||
| It was all weed. | ||
| There was no air left. | ||
| The candles were running on weed smoke. | ||
| There was no air in the room. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| It was all just weed smoke. | ||
| So Tripoli didn't even smoke anything, but 10 minutes into his act, he forgot where he was. | ||
| Of course he did. | ||
| He was on another planet. | ||
| Yeah, that's a problem with Texas. | ||
| They don't let you have the weed. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| In Austin? | ||
| I think you have to. | ||
| Statewide thing? | ||
| What is the – do you have to have AIDS? They have some CBD laws, I think. | ||
| Yeah, they let you have CBD, right? | ||
| I just was Googling earlier. | ||
| They have some talk of potentially passing laws for recovery from lost money, legalizing it. | ||
| What I've found out of doing my Texas studies, because I have been doing research, is Austin in particular is a very interesting combination of liberal folks and conservative folks. | ||
| Like red Texas, and then blue Austin, and then a lot of blue stuff. | ||
| That's going on, and then the governor doesn't want them to do certain things, and the governor doesn't want them shutting down construction sites, but the city of Austin is more blue. | ||
| Yeah, it's like the black sheep kid. | ||
| Austin police will stop arrest tickets in most low-level marijuana cases after unanimous city council vote. | ||
| What does that mean, though? | ||
| Maybe we'll let you go. | ||
| Most. | ||
| We'll let it go. | ||
| Most low-level cases. | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| Most of them. | ||
| What kind of a law is that? | ||
| How do you have that even open to interpretation? | ||
| Most. | ||
| Do you let people go if they only have a joint? | ||
| Most of the time. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| I fuck them. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Most. | ||
| Just let them go. | ||
| Say it's just weed, you fucks. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I love Austin. | ||
| But the problem is you don't get a place as fiercely independent as Texas, as buck wild as Texas without all that other stuff, too. | ||
| Austin, it's like the artist colony of Texas. | ||
| But the people that are right-wing Texas think Austin's gonna fuck it up for everybody. | ||
| The mayor's fucking up. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's interesting to see the little battle that's going on because people want to keep it the way it is. | ||
| They know it's special. | ||
| And they're worried that the liberals are going to fuck it up and the liberals are worried that the Trumpers are going to fuck it up. | ||
| Right, and isn't Austin's thing, isn't their motto, keep Austin weird? | ||
| No, that's only losers who sell t-shirts at the airport. | ||
| Well, that's all I really hang out with when I go to Austin. | ||
| I just hang out at the airport. | ||
| Those keep something weird. | ||
| They're the grossest of all t-shirts. | ||
| I couldn't agree more. | ||
| They're the baby on board of t-shirts. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Fuck out of here with that. | ||
| So ridiculous. | ||
| Keep Austin weird. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| You're not weird. | ||
| It has a TM at the bottom of it. | ||
| It's the last thing. | ||
| You're giving Austin a bad name. | ||
| No, Austin's great. | ||
| That t-shirt sucks. | ||
| No, I'm saying that the Keep Austin weird people are giving Austin a bad name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| I thought you were accusing me. | ||
| I got defensive. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| So, oh, we didn't even talk about your cult, dude. | ||
| Oh, all right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, we forgot. | ||
| We have time? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| All right, good. | ||
| We have plenty of time. | ||
| I don't even know where to fucking begin. | ||
| So... | ||
| When did you first become part of the cult? | ||
| So I got sent away to this cult. | ||
| It was like a cult boarding school. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| I was 14. I just turned 14 in 1994. Did your parents know what was going on or did they think? | ||
| No, they had no idea. | ||
| What did they think it was? | ||
| They heard it was a place for troubled kids to get some help. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Yeah, they had no idea it was a cult. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No idea. | |
| So what was it? | ||
| Does it have a name? | ||
| Yeah, it's called CEDU. It's C-E-D-U. And they called it that because you could see yourself how you want to be, and then you'd do something about it. | ||
| Damn, that sounds like something that Tony Robbins would say. | ||
| I think it was created originally from something called Synanon, which I think is more well-known. | ||
| That sounds like some cheesy, not Tony Robbins, but like a low-level, online, motivational guy? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What you do is see, and then do. | |
| Sounds so simple, and it is for you. | ||
| You're gonna see what you don't like, and you're gonna do something about it. | ||
| Everybody's like, oh my god. | ||
| Thanks for being here at the Hilton in Alhambra. | ||
| So this is pre-internet. | ||
| You're 14 years old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 1993. I was a big cutter. | ||
| I was living in Tarzana. | ||
| I grew up in Tarzana. | ||
| Big cutter. | ||
| What was that about? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Were your friends doing it? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I was doing it. | ||
| My dad left, and then I started cutting. | ||
| And then I was getting into fights at school, and I was punching holes in my wall. | ||
| I was an angry kid, and so it was sort of an outlet, I guess. | ||
| And then they kept sending me up to the Northridge psych ward. | ||
| So I got sent away up to Northridge in the youth psych ward. | ||
| What did they say about you? | ||
| I don't remember specifically what they said. | ||
| I think they just told my parents. | ||
| They didn't tell me anything. | ||
| I think they told my parents probably. | ||
| And your parents didn't let you have a sit down with you and say, hey, psycho. | ||
| After the third time. | ||
| Look what the doctor says. | ||
| My mom didn't know what to do with me, but after the third time I got sent up to the psych ward, they said, if you do this one more time, anything else, we're going to have to send you away somewhere more serious, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And so, I did it again, and then we took a tour up to, they said we were just going to go up to take a tour of this school that I could be sent away to. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| They said, if you do it one more time, we're going up and we're going to tour this school. | ||
| And if you do this one more time, then we're going to bring you back here and drop you off. | ||
| You're going to stay there. | ||
| And so we went up to the San Bernardino Mountains and we got out of the car. | ||
| I toured the campus. | ||
| It was a beautiful campus. | ||
| It was like this giant cabin up near Lake Arrowhead. | ||
| And it used to be owned by the Houstons, you know, Walter and Angelica and John Houston. | ||
| And they were telling me, you know, just about the school and stuff and all the rules. | ||
| There were a lot of rules. | ||
| They called them agreements. | ||
| And then my parents, I came back and went and talked to my parents and they told me that I was staying there. | ||
| And I just said, well, fuck you. | ||
| And then I left and... | ||
| And they strip-searched me, and that was it. | ||
| Then I went into what they call a rap, and raps are intense. | ||
| So the rap was this three-hour-long, kind of like a group therapy session, but everyone is just sort of... | ||
| Oh my god, it was so bizarre. | ||
| So I had only been at the school two hours. | ||
| I'd just been strip searched and I'd been put into one of these three-hour wraps and the girl next to me was like rocking back and forth on the chair, sort of like sobbing quietly. | ||
| And then the kid next to me got up, walked across the room and switched seats with someone because you weren't allowed to talk to someone next to you. | ||
| You had to be across the room. | ||
| And that kid started screaming at the kid right next to me over here. | ||
| And then this one just started screaming at the floor and started screaming at the floor like, I hate you mom, I hate you dad. | ||
| And then someone started putting all this Kleenex, all these tissues, and I'm like, why are they putting all these fucking tissues here? | ||
| And then you just see all this snot and spit and mucus empty out of this girl's body. | ||
| Because she's just screaming and like blood vessels are popping and she's crying and screaming and it was the most disgusting thing you've ever seen. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, I'm going to be here for two and a half years and this is going to happen three times a week. | ||
| There was a lot of sleep deprivation. | ||
| What did your parents think it was? | ||
| They were told by the counselors at the psych ward that it was like a place for troubled kids when you didn't know what else to do with them. | ||
| So the psych ward was in on it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| Do you think they were fooled? | ||
| Or do you think that they knew what was going on? | ||
| I think that maybe they were fooled. | ||
| I think they were probably fooled. | ||
| I don't think anybody really knew. | ||
| This is pre-internet, right? | ||
| Yeah, this is all pre-internet. | ||
| It'd probably be easier to fool people because you can't do a wiki on them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, the government finally shut them down. | ||
| So they were accredited, though, or something. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| I mean, they were approved by. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It had been, you know, around... | ||
| CEDA was there for, I think, since the 70s, I want to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Maybe even earlier. | ||
| Maybe the late 60s. | ||
| That's the scary ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The ones with legs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| But it was a really weird mix of students. | ||
| It was like, I think Paris Hilton went there at one point, and then there was like, just a lot of kids there on court orders, and there was, you know, it was just a real mix, weird mix of people. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But they had these 24-hour, what they called profites, and they were all named after a different chapter of the book called The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. | ||
| Dude, I have to pee so bad. | ||
| I'm going to stop you right here because I can't. | ||
| I was like, I'm going to hang on to this. | ||
| I'll be fine. | ||
| But I drank three cups of coffee before I got here. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| We'll be right back, folks. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| We're back. | ||
| You were saying something about the Prophet based on the Khalil Gibran. | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| Khalil Gibran. | ||
| Gibran. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was... | ||
| They have these things called profites. | ||
| So you go through the program with a peer group. | ||
| So everybody that was enrolled at the same time as you in the same like two months, you go through these almost like these rites of passages called prophets. | ||
| And there were these 24-hour long workshops. | ||
| And they're all based around each chapter of this book called The Prophet. | ||
| And the first one was called The Truth. | ||
| And it was like the truth will set you free. | ||
| So you basically tell everything you've ever done that you felt bad about. | ||
| And it's like confession almost. | ||
| And what was odd is that all the staff members were – there were like two or three staff members who were the counselors at the school. | ||
| They had no real credentials. | ||
| They weren't like therapists, but they acted as therapists. | ||
| But they all had fucked up lives too. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And so some of them, like there were people that really got off on the power, like many cult leaders do. | ||
| And then there were some that were former students there that were sent away for being bad kids. | ||
| So there were staff members like... | ||
| Confessing to... | ||
| I heard one guy said, claimed that he set a homeless guy on fire. | ||
| Another one would strangle cats. | ||
| And they're like, these are the fucking people that are teaching us? | ||
| You had to fall asleep around a dude who used to strangle cats? | ||
| No, you couldn't fall asleep in the proffeets. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| I mean, eventually. | ||
| I mean, I think they lived off campus. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That sounds insane. | ||
| Yeah, it was pretty wild. | ||
| They all have that element in them. | ||
| That's a Scientology element too, right? | ||
| And then also Catholicism. | ||
| You have to confess. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a thing that Scientology does where they go over all sorts of aspects of your life and they save that. | ||
| Yeah, I save that in the monster. | ||
| They save all those recordings. | ||
| And then when you want to talk shit, they're like, oh, well, you thinking about leaving? | ||
| How fascinating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're going to tell everybody about that thing that you do with clowns. | ||
| I wonder why they would do it here then, because we had no power to, like, we're all underage. | ||
| Well, that's a different organization. | ||
| What they're doing is probably getting power over you. | ||
| I mean, it seems like that's what those things are always about. | ||
| They're always about power, and it's usually the main dude's banging everybody's wife. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They get a lot of money. | ||
| The teachers, there were teachers that were for sure banging the students. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| Look, if a guy can lie about what he does for a living and get laid, they'll do it. | ||
| There's a certain percentage of guys that will do it. | ||
| If they can lie and control people, they'll do that too. | ||
| Like, it's just different levels of douchebaggery. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do you get to that cult leader level? | ||
| This is like the big boss. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like everything else, man. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's like levels, there's levels of where people can, you know, they can control people in the strangest ways and get people, like the Hale-Bopp comet people. | ||
| Oh, yeah, exactly. | ||
| They cut their balls off. | ||
| That was a big part of it, like releasing yourself from your sexuality. | ||
| I don't remember that part of the fucking story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah, the main guy cut his balls off and he encouraged others to cut their balls off as well to free themselves from the confines of sexual lust. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember that guy? | ||
| Remember what he looked like? | ||
| I remember exactly what he looked like. | ||
| He almost looked like Mr. Magoo without the glasses. | ||
| Yeah, there he is. | ||
| Oh, Magoo, you've done it again. | ||
| So you don't have to have a good hustle to start a cult. | ||
| That's not a good hustle. | ||
| That's a terrible hustle. | ||
| But you need to have a hustle that works good on dumb people. | ||
| And that's the difference. | ||
| Just like the guy when Frank Santos used to do his hypnotism acts as stitches, there was a guy that would come in his pants. | ||
| He would do different things different times. | ||
| He'd make things up. | ||
| He had a bunch of different things he would do. | ||
| But I remember one of them, he's like, this was when Madonna was hot. | ||
| He was telling this guy that he's having sex with Madonna. | ||
| It might have been Janet Jackson, someone like that. | ||
| Someone very popular at the time. | ||
| Someone hot and popular. | ||
| And then he's like, you're gonna, oh my goodness, you're gonna pop. | ||
| And the kid's like, oh, the kid comes. | ||
| And you're like, I don't believe this! | ||
| We're all looking at each other, and Greg was like, for sure he came. | ||
| I'm like, for sure! | ||
| That guy just came! | ||
| That guy came, and he looks all embarrassed, and he's looking around, confused. | ||
| He's not a good actor, he's just a moron. | ||
| There's certain things that some guys can do to really dumb people where they can sink into their brain. | ||
| But stand-up is similar to that, but not, not, not really. | ||
| It's similar to hypnosis. | ||
| That kind of hypnosis is weird hypnosis. | ||
| It only works on really moronic people. | ||
| Very susceptible. | ||
| Yeah, just vulnerable people, man. | ||
| Maybe it might not even be dumb. | ||
| It might be just you got programmed poorly. | ||
| I know a lady who's Mormon. | ||
| Her whole life's Mormon. | ||
| And one of the things she said that was kind of shocking. | ||
| She was like, I'm more, because she left that religion, and she's like, but I'm very susceptible to bullshit. | ||
| Like, I'm very susceptible to gurus and cults. | ||
| It's like, there's a part, when you develop your whole life, 35, 45 years of thinking a certain way, and then all of a sudden, it's shut off. | ||
| And you're like, okay, all that stuff that you believe, that was all bullshit. | ||
| So don't go there anymore. | ||
| Now, good luck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, oh, who's got the answer? | |
| Those are the ones ripe for the picking. | ||
| So it might not even be dumb. | ||
| They're lost. | ||
| They need some direction. | ||
| Yeah, something. | ||
| Programmed poorly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I wasn't... | ||
| I don't think I was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There he is! | |
| There's Frank Sanos! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow! | |
| This is when he... | ||
| This is the comedy connection. | ||
| This is when they moved to Out of Stitches. | ||
| This is the larger room that was in Faneuil Hall. | ||
| He did a little bit. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| See, do you got any volume on this? | ||
| He's making them all think they just watched a sad movie in this clip. | ||
| Yeah, see, they're all crying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
- Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. | |
| Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Oh man. - These people are all freaking out. | ||
| These people are all freaking out. | ||
| Dude, you had to see it in real life. | ||
| This is not doing it justice. | ||
| No, it's just like the guy... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who was it? | |
| There was certain people that would be faking it. | ||
| Flip orally. | ||
| He could tell when you're faking it. | ||
| He would walk up to you and go, come on, man. | ||
| You're not under. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
| And he kicked those guys out. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| There was other guys that just hook, line, and sinker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They believe they were... | ||
| They want it. | ||
| Yeah, they believe they were having sex with a mermaid or something. | ||
| They believe they were in a sword fight. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| That's so fascinating to me. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| And that's who gets caught into the Hale-Bopp comment. | ||
| Gets their balls cut off. | ||
| Their dick balls. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think they cut it down. | ||
| Fair enough. | ||
| Either way, it's pretty intense. | ||
| It's an intense commitment to your fake god. | ||
| I went along with it because I didn't want to extend my sentence. | ||
| If you got in trouble and you didn't play along and you didn't follow the rules, then you add six months to your sentence and you drop a peer group. | ||
| But you didn't know going in that it was a cult. | ||
| No. | ||
| When do you think you figured it out? | ||
| Until like a fucking two years after I had graduated. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So two years after it's all over, you're sitting around going, hey! | ||
| I think I started talking to someone like, didn't you think that was a little weird when they did this or this or that? | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| Why don't you mention it? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Yeah, we had to do 14 days through Joshua Tree, which was beautiful, which was great. | ||
| But then a four-day solo where they give you like a bag of trail mix and some water and a whistle. | ||
| And they say, all right, we'll come back in four days. | ||
| But as a 14-year-old, it's like, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, it was intense. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| Where are the woods? | ||
| In Joshua Tree. | ||
| That's a fucking sketchy area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 14 years old? | ||
| In the desert, yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where were you supposed to get your water? | ||
| You had a big bag of water. | ||
| A big bag of water for four days? | ||
| Yeah, a bag of water for four days. | ||
| How big is this bag? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You have your own bag? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you were alone. | ||
| They give you an area about half the size of this room, this studio. | ||
| What? | ||
| And they say, all right, we'll come get you in four days. | ||
| Here's four granola bars, a bag of trail mix, and a bag of water, and a whistle in case you get bit by a rattlesnake or some shit. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And so where are they when this is happening? | ||
| They're nowhere near you? | ||
| They said they were around, and I think they monitor you. | ||
| So they probably saw a lot of beating off. | ||
| 14 years old. | ||
| I think I spent most of my days. | ||
| If I was a 14-year-old and I came up with a cult, that would be one of the rules. | ||
| What was the rule? | ||
| No beating off? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I'd be like, you're going to all be by yourself for four days. | ||
| You get four granola bars and a bag of water. | ||
| Like, it sounds like something a 14-year-old would come up with as far as the rules. | ||
| It sounds like an episode of fucking Fear Factor. | ||
| And here's a whistle if you get bit by a rattler. | ||
| I'll be over the top of the hill. | ||
| You won't see me, but I'll be able to hear you. | ||
| That sounds like a 14-year-old. | ||
| I'll never forget, too, when we came out, they told us Kurt Cobain had just killed himself. | ||
| So was 94. But I remember if you get in trouble, they put you on something called a full-time. | ||
| And that was never fun because it was like... | ||
| The amount of time of the full-time was in attorney. | ||
| So it was based on the staff member. | ||
| It was either you ran away or you had sex with another student. | ||
| That happened? | ||
| Kids are banging. | ||
| Not me. | ||
| In between snotty screams. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of primal scream therapy. | ||
| Bro, that sounds so cool. | ||
| But on a full-time, you wake up and you have to try and dig out a stump that's been there since the 70s. | ||
| No one was ever going to fucking take it out. | ||
| The biggest stump you've ever fucking seen. | ||
| I remember when I got enrolled, the first thing I saw was a kid and a pickaxe. | ||
| And I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's why they have dynamite. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're supposed to dynamite those things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right. | |
| Well, they used it for full times. | ||
| But you're not allowed to laugh or sing or no human contact. | ||
| You can't talk to anybody for three weeks. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| They're mindfucking you. | ||
| That's how long I was. | ||
| Yeah, they mindfucked you. | ||
| There was something called smushing where everybody... | ||
| It was like you walk into this giant house every night and everyone is telling each other their life stories. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it looked like... | ||
| You remember Jonestown when the 909 people had just drank the Kool-Aid? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And it was just body on top of body? | ||
| That's what it looked like. | ||
| Everyone's just cuddling with each other. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And it's like all the staff members are fucking rubbing hair of the girls. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| You're like, this seems highly inappropriate with 13-year-old girls' head in their lap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Yeah, it was fucking, it was trippy. | ||
| But yeah, my buddy, our buddy, Jeff Garland, put me in touch with this fantastic writer who writes a lot of episodes of Better Call Saul, and we're almost done with our pilot. | ||
| We're gonna pitch it in about a month. | ||
| That's one that's going to be fascinating to see how they play that narrative out. | ||
| Whether they will show that kind of shit, like a 13-year-old girl in a guy's lap, that seems like you can't even do that. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| You can't even do that in fiction, you know what I mean? | ||
| You'd have to imply it. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Well, the problem is it really happened, right? | ||
| So it's not like it's fiction. | ||
| So if you were creating this kind of fiction, you're putting it out, people would be like, what? | ||
| You sick fuck? | ||
| Why did you even think of that? | ||
| But you're not doing that. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah, you're relaying some crazy shit that you actually experienced. | ||
| And how many years are you there for? | ||
| Almost three. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of the exercises were crazy. | ||
| They did this one called Lifeboat, where they choose two students. | ||
| I was one of the students they chose. | ||
| And you're on a chair and you can only save two people and all your best friends and shit are sobbing and they're like, please pick me. | ||
| And you have to look each person in the eye and tell them why they die. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And then everyone had to write their own eulogy. | ||
| Fucking weird. | ||
| A girl slit her own throat. | ||
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| And another kid jumped off a cliff. | ||
| See, this is where I'm with the FBI. This is where I take their side. | ||
| I'm like, I get it. | ||
| I know why you have to investigate these people. | ||
| I understand why you're so wary of people starting cults. | ||
| Because I was saying this to my friend. | ||
| I'm like, how come no one has ever started a good cult? | ||
| Bridget Phetasy and I were talking about this the other day. | ||
| I said we should just call it the cult, like an homage to the band. | ||
| What about The Squad? | ||
| But it's not a cult. | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| But I'm saying a real cult. | ||
| No one can start a good one. | ||
| Like a real solid one with good morals. | ||
| They're always the same. | ||
| I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you're onto something. | ||
| I think I'm onto something. | ||
| This is why the FBI is forced to jump in. | ||
| Because it's almost like a thing that's 99% done by assholes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But 1%, I'm looking for that needle in a haystack. | ||
| I'm looking for that piece of gold in the pile of shit. | ||
| I know it's in there. | ||
| One of those cults is someone who really just has good intentions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know who Alex Gray is? | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| I love fucking Alex Gray. | ||
| He does a lot of psychedelics. | ||
| He might be one. | ||
| He is actually a guy. | ||
| You're absolutely right. | ||
| He's the real deal, because he actually started a religion, and the religion is based on art. | ||
| It's not based on profit, and he's building the most insane, beautiful, artistic structure. | ||
| I love his shit. | ||
| The thing that they're building to do their worship in, I mean, I don't know what you'd call it, a cathedral? | ||
| Does he call it a cathedral? | ||
| What does he call it? | ||
| Chapel? | ||
| Chapel of Sacred Marriage, right? | ||
| Isn't that what he calls it? | ||
| I heard about this fucking thing. | ||
| No, I think that's what he called the place in New York. | ||
| I think he calls this something different. | ||
| But you've seen it, right? | ||
| Have you seen the images? | ||
| I have one art book. | ||
| I think it's in there, maybe. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| But some of the images from his art are in the cathedral. | ||
| The whole thing is like this gigantic work of art. | ||
| I don't know if they're 3D printing the outside or... | ||
| Cosm is the chapter of Sacred Mirrors, and then Entheon is that place. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Entheon is the place up in upstate New York. | ||
| I think Duncan said he was there. | ||
| He belongs there. | ||
| He's gonna move there. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That checks out. | ||
| Yeah, totally. | ||
| Duncan could start a good cult. | ||
| That's what it looks like on the outside. | ||
| That's stunning. | ||
| Dude, it's dope. | ||
| It's basically his art, but his art in a building. | ||
| Like, he made a building Out of his art. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| This seems like it would be in, like, Sedona or something. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| It's in upstate New York? | ||
| Yeah, and they're, like, good tax payers and shit. | ||
| And it's a real religion. | ||
| So I think they have... | ||
| Actually, they're not good taxpayers. | ||
| They have tax-exempt status. | ||
| I think that's the whole deal. | ||
| Oh, shit! | ||
| Good for them! | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I think they're a real religion. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| But he's a guy that I believe. | ||
| Yeah, he seems like a good dude. | ||
| Oh, he's not trying to take everybody's money and bang everybody's wife. | ||
| He's really just this guy. | ||
| He's a really sweetheart guy and an amazing artist. | ||
| There are people like that. | ||
| You know him and Ram Dass. | ||
| Yeah, Ram Dass is a great example. | ||
| There's people that really do exist or did exist that really are pure. | ||
| That's really what they want to do. | ||
| I don't know if this guy started out that way. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| It's one out of a hundred. | ||
| Yeah, one out of a hundred. | ||
| One in a hundred. | ||
| Most of them get to that spot and they just, you know. | ||
| It's like when they get into it in the first place, are they doing it because it's been done to them? | ||
| Like some of them, clearly, right? | ||
| Some of them seem like they were a victim of it. | ||
| The staff members, for sure. | ||
| That's why I know the one who set the homeless guy on fire. | ||
| I know for sure that's why he did it. | ||
| He got put through this bullshit. | ||
| He was going to inflict it on somebody else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro! | |
| What the fuck? | ||
| Garbage. | ||
| Garbage people. | ||
| And then the craziest thing was maybe about seven or eight years after I graduated, a lot of kids would split. | ||
| I split. | ||
| You run away. | ||
| But then you get caught or you come back to the school once you find out your parents aren't going to take you out. | ||
| But a lot of kids never came back. | ||
| And that was just the fact to the kids. | ||
| We don't know what the fuck happened to them. | ||
| They would always tell us that the parents pulled them out of the school. | ||
| Some of the kids that ran away and never came back. | ||
| But it was on the side of this giant, almost like a cliff, this backside of a mountain. | ||
| And some kids would walk down into town through the road. | ||
| And some kids, they said, would run away and go down the backside of the mountain. | ||
| And they said some kids died going down the backside. | ||
| Some kids got kidnapped. | ||
| Who fucking knows? | ||
| But I found out about seven or eight years after the club was closed, they found out that there was actually a serial killer that was working at the school. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| Like the night janitor kind of guy. | ||
| And confessed to murdering like a handful of kids that we thought ran away. | ||
| And he got caught for something else and then confessed to all these murders he had committed over the last decade. | ||
| And four of them were kids while he was working up at the campus. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And that was while I was there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bonkers. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Pretty wild. | ||
| So it took you a few years. | ||
| Was it a relationship that you were in where a girl was explaining to you? | ||
| No, it was while I was talking to former students. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And then it started opening my eyes, and I was like, oh, yeah. | ||
| So it wasn't talking to someone who wasn't in it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was talking to someone who was in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So together you were like going, hey, I've talked to some other people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's not what 14-year-olds do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| And then when Facebook... | ||
| It was even longer than that because I think then when Facebook came out... | ||
| Then it was like there were all these groups, and everyone's like, yeah, we were in a cult. | ||
| There was a lot of them, I think, in the 60s and the 70s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think there was a lot of them where there was a lot of people that were experimenting with different lifestyles, and they're experimenting with drugs, and then there was a lot of people. | ||
| Whenever you do drugs around people, there's always people that have answers. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Annoying people that have answers. | ||
| I'm one of those people. | ||
| Well, it's like Charles Manson. | ||
| That's what he did, right? | ||
| He gave everybody acid, sure. | ||
| New true crime podcast, The Lost Kids, exposes the twisted, troubled teen industry. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Just came out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| What kind of timing is this, Adam? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| I got to reach out. | ||
| The new podcast investigates missing teen Daniel Yuen, I think. | ||
| How do you say that, you think? | ||
| Yuen? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When? | |
| When? | ||
| Yeah, maybe when. | ||
| When? | ||
| Sorry, Daniel. | ||
| Sorry, Daniel. | ||
| In the controversial Sea-Doo schools. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Six episodes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Wow, fascinating. | ||
| I'll definitely be checking that out. | ||
| Yeah, man, there was a whole time where people were, you know, regularly getting together groups of people and getting them to do things and telling them things and telling them, you know, got to drink the Kool-Aid and telling them, you got to come with me, we got to... | ||
| Kill that pregnant lady and write pig on the wall. | ||
| All that shit came out of cults. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| And the Manson one, Fitzsimmons turned me on to this guy that wrote the book. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, have you heard of it? | ||
| I love Fitzsimmons. | ||
| I've heard all about this guy. | ||
| The guy's name is Tom O'Neill and his book is called... | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| It says Chaos... | ||
| Oh, that's for sure. | ||
| Charles Manson and the CIA's mind control experiment. | ||
| Charles Manson and the CIA and the secret history of the 60s. | ||
| Yeah, Norm wanted to interview him on our podcast for a long time. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| You should have him on because he lived it for 20 fucking years. | ||
| So he can talk to you about it in a depth without even looking at notes, man. | ||
| He knows everything about the Manson case. | ||
| It was his life for 20 fucking years. | ||
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
| The book's amazing. | ||
| It was all... | ||
| The CIA was giving them acid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Manson, they kept releasing from jail. | ||
| He kept violating parole. | ||
| They'd let him go. | ||
| They let him go. | ||
| They knew he was doing crazy shit. | ||
| Let him go. | ||
| Let him go. | ||
| They wanted him to get these hippies to do fucked up things because it would disgrace the anti-war movement and it would get people to be against hippies. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So he literally, like, let... | ||
| Charles Manson, have carte blanche, and they think even experimented on him with acid while he was in jail. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| And then when he was out of jail, there was a fucking clinic, a free clinic in Haight-Ashbury that operated until Tom's book came out. | ||
| It had been in operation for 30 or 40 fucking years. | ||
| No, more. | ||
| It was like 50 years from the 60s. | ||
| Tom's book comes out, and they close it. | ||
| They closed down this free clinic a couple of months after his book comes out, showing that that free clinic was being used in the 1960s by the CIA to dose up hippies and follow them around and do studies on them, and then dose up Johns in whorehouses. | ||
| They set up fake whorehouses with two-way mirrors and let these guys take acid. | ||
| They thought they were getting a drink and they were going to have sex with a prostitute, and they would pour acid into their mouth and follow them and fucking run studies on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy! | |
| Oh, that was real! | ||
| It's called Operation Midnight Climax. | ||
| A real thing that happened. | ||
| That's fucking awesome. | ||
| Bro, this Tom O'Neill book blows the lid off of it. | ||
| You're like, this is insane. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| That's wild. | ||
| And Fitz Timmons told me about it. | ||
| Fitz Timmons doesn't recommend anybody. | ||
| But he just goes, you have to get this guy on your podcast. | ||
| He goes, it's right up your alley and it's fucking crazy. | ||
| And when you hear the whole story, you're like, oh my god, of course. | ||
| Like, holy shit. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's fucking bonkers. | ||
| They fucking experience. | ||
| Here's the thing I was going to talk about. | ||
| I watched over this past weekend the entire Netflix special on the Unabomber. | ||
| There's a four-part special on the Unabomber. | ||
| And it mentions a lot of fucked up things about the Unabomber. | ||
| I don't want to spoiler alert anybody, but one thing it kind of leaves out was that he was a part, and I'm pretty sure this has been documented, of the CIA, LSD, Harvard drug studies. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a part of some sort of psychological study in Harvard for three years. | ||
| By the way, he graduated from school early, so he was at Harvard when he was 17. A 17-year-old kid, they're putting him through this psychological study where they humiliate you. | ||
| And break down your ideas and call you a fool, and there's recordings of it, of him talking to an adult, 17 year old kid talking to an adult who's just openly mocking him and his ideas and shitting on him, and they think they gave these kids- They created the fucking Unabomber. | ||
| They think they gave these kids acid too. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| For what purpose? | ||
| Because they were being sadistic. | ||
| It was just like a cult. | ||
| You give people too much power, they do whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| In this case, he gave people too much power and they said, you know what? | ||
| Let's find out what acid does do to people. | ||
| Let's find out what happens when you humiliate a kid and break them down and give them acid. | ||
| Let's try. | ||
| And so they would just ruin people's lives. | ||
| And they did it to a ton of people, man. | ||
| That's so fucking... | ||
| Yeah, dude, they just experimented. | ||
| They didn't know what acid really was. | ||
| They weren't exactly sure what it would do or what it could do. | ||
| They thought it was going to be a true serum, then it turns out it's not that. | ||
| Like, what is it? | ||
| So they did all kinds of experiments with people. | ||
| And the best way to do them initially was get volunteers. | ||
| But after the volunteers... | ||
| were fucking going crazy and losing their marbles and staring in the corner like Blair Witch Project, nodding back and forth. | ||
| They ran out of volunteers. | ||
| So then they started using prisoners. | ||
| And they started using students. | ||
| They started using a bunch of different people. | ||
| Using people that weren't going to say anything about it, like Johns at a brothel. | ||
| Oh, that's a good point. | ||
| Yeah, bro. | ||
| It's bonkers. | ||
| So what was crazy is they didn't mention none of that in the Kaczynski Netflix thing. | ||
| And I thought that was fascinating because there was another documentary called The Net. | ||
| I believe it was a German documentary. | ||
| It's in subtitles, and it was explaining that as well. | ||
| But it was going into depth more about the LSD studies that they did on them. | ||
| People were just starting to understand. | ||
| There really was a time where they were experimenting on people. | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I mean, it was going on for a while. | ||
| They were taking people and running experiments on innocent people. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| This is a part of our history 50 years ago. | ||
| The only studies I've seen is like the famous videos like when they give it to like a housewife. | ||
| There's all this stuff called MKUltra and MKUltra was a real project where they were really experimenting on people to find out what would happen to them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| There's people that are experts on how to extract information out of people. | ||
| How do you think they get to be those experts? | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| Well, they experiment. | ||
| What are they experimenting on? | ||
| Probably prisoners. | ||
| They probably do it with prisoners. | ||
| That's what they did with Charles Manson. | ||
| They experimented on him with acid. | ||
| And they taught him how to manipulate others with acid. | ||
| How to use acid to break down societal norms and break down all the structure they had in terms of what was okay and not okay in relationships and their relationship to society, how society was fucking them over. | ||
| He would force them to have orgies and go, you're going to have sex with her and he's going to have sex with him and put everybody together. | ||
| Straight, all acid, all fucked up and literally he would pretend to take acid and then like guide them and guide their thoughts and program them and he did it every night and everybody was like, well, where'd he get the acid? | ||
| Where's he getting all that acid? | ||
| He's getting it from the fucking government. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's fucking bonkers. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I gotta read this fucking book. | ||
| And he was emboldened. | ||
| First of all, he was a fucking psychopath with a terrible childhood. | ||
| His childhood was just destroyed by the time he was a grown man. | ||
| Lived half of his life in federal institutions. | ||
| Half of his life. | ||
| From the time he got out before Helter Skelter, half of his life he had been in federal prison. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| He spent almost his entire life in prison. | ||
| And most likely, they're pretty sure they were involved in acid studies during that time, at least towards the end before they released him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| So they release him, and he's been in jail a ton of times for everything, fucking stealing cars, all kinds of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they release him, and he's just getting away with things. | ||
| Like when he does things, like they think he murdered a guy, they think he murdered a guy at the ranch, the guy disappeared, and he confessed to it later. | ||
| Just never found that guy. | ||
| And then he talks these kids into killing people. | ||
| Talks these kids into stabbing people and robbing people. | ||
| Bro, I mean, and he keeps getting out. | ||
| They arrest him for stuff, and they keep letting him go. | ||
| And no one could understand it. | ||
| Dude, it's nuts. | ||
| When you read the book, I listen to the audiobook. | ||
| I hardly ever read anymore. | ||
| But when you listen to the story, at the end of it, you're like, whoa, well that makes sense. | ||
| That's what they were probably doing back then. | ||
| They probably did stuff like that back then. | ||
| And he connects it to Sirhan Sirhan, the guy who killed Robert F. Kennedy. | ||
| He connects it to Jack Ruby, the guy who shot Lee Harvey Oswald. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yep, Jack Ruby after this one doctor. | ||
| This Dr. Jolly, this famous LSD doctor from that clinic, went to visit Lee Harvey Oswald, excuse me, went to visit Jack Ruby after he shot Lee Harvey Oswald. | ||
| When he leaves, Jack Ruby's crawling off the ceiling, screaming and yelling. | ||
| He's delusional, demented. | ||
| He thinks that there's a new Holocaust happening right now and they're lighting Jewish babies on fire in the street. | ||
| He loses his mind, completely loses his mind after this guy visits him, after this LSD doctor who worked with Manson. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's the craziest book. | ||
| You need that book in your life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't wait to read it. | |
| What's it called? | ||
| Chaos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chaos. | |
| I think back in the 50s and 60s, they just tried things. | ||
| That's a great way to look at it. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Just try some shit. | ||
| They just tried things. | ||
| They're like, let's see what happens when we do this. | ||
| Did you see anything about Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski and LSD experiments at Harvard? | ||
| He... | ||
| Digging through, there's a book that came out called... | ||
| Harvard and the Unabomber... | ||
| Digging through here, it doesn't specifically say that those tests had LSD in them, but they were psychological tests that happened at Harvard to undergraduate students in the late 60s, or maybe even... | ||
| Yeah, they brushed over it in the documentary, the Netflix thing, about how they would use drugs on patients. | ||
| But they were talking about a variety of methods, and they sort of glossed over the fact, and drugs. | ||
| But LSD was a critical part of that. | ||
| Because if they dosed them up all the time, they could just rewire them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like you could rewire someone's brain. | ||
| Yeah, you're just starting from scratch, kind of. | ||
| Bro, the book will blow your mind. | ||
| Yeah, it already has. | ||
| And as it gets further along, it builds. | ||
| I mean, it's a masterpiece. | ||
| The guy did it over 20 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| He literally gave up his life searching this thing and then gave birth to this 20-year-old baby. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I can't wait to see this fucking baby. | ||
| But I think, like, when I'm watching the Unabomber thing, and I'm thinking, how many people like that aren't murderous, but lost their fucking mind? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
| Because of some crazy experiments. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Because of someone doing something like that back in the 60s. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| But how is that different than a cult? | ||
| I mean, it's different in that... | ||
| I guess it's different in that they're not taking you to a place, but it's not in terms of one person with an extraordinary amount of power is using and abusing that power in a way that no one would ever consent to, and they don't understand it. | ||
| They can't understand it, because in your case, when you're 14, you're a fucking little kid. | ||
| In this case, when you're on acid, they're doctoring your neurochemistry. | ||
| They're changing the way your fucking brain interfaces with reality and then programming you, talking to you. | ||
| Anybody who doesn't think that that is insane, and when you find out that that actually went on, like, whoa, has anybody been held accountable for that? | ||
| What happened there? | ||
| People still deny it to this day, apparently. | ||
| But there's been some Freedom of Information Act documents and some other documents they found that were in CIA storage that confirmed the existence of this program and some of the things that they were trying to do. | ||
| That's so fucking fascinating. | ||
| And they shut it all down. | ||
| Once this one guy who was running it died, they're like, that's it. | ||
| Wrap it up. | ||
| We're out. | ||
| Can you imagine coming on board, the CIA, like a year later, not having any idea and everybody's mad? | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| I'm here to, I'm looking for terrorists. | ||
| The fuck you talking about, acid and hookers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what? | |
| Who is doing what? | ||
| Sign me up. | ||
| There's no documentation of that, like readily available to new recruits. | ||
| They don't tell you. | ||
| You know, you sign up for the CIA, you think you're a good guy who's here to save the world from bad people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And meanwhile, you're coming in right on the heels of the regime that was literally operating whorehouses with two-way mirrors, dosing plumbers up with acid. | ||
| That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Poor guys. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Just going to have some sex, pay someone to touch your body. | ||
| They give you acid? | ||
| They bill Cosby you with some fucking acid and then study you. | ||
| And that's the government. | ||
| And your taxes are all paying for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's cult shit. | ||
| But that's what people do, man, if they have that kind of power. | ||
| If you give people just... | ||
| First of all, also, if you give people that are in the position of any government agency or a police officer that's seen a lot of violence, they've seen a lot of crazy shit, they've seen the worst side of people, and then you give them this super secret power where no one can know what they're doing, and they can literally ghost people, they can make people vanish. | ||
| You can just shoot somebody in the head and throw them in the ocean. | ||
| No one's gonna say anything. | ||
| Everybody's on your side. | ||
| You're one of the good guys. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| People would just do stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| They need to be held accountable. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| That's what the rules are for. | ||
| The rules are to keep people from being people. | ||
| Yeah, accountability is very important. | ||
| It's paramount. | ||
| You've got to keep people from giving in to the primal people nature. | ||
| I like the primal people nature. | ||
| Seems like that's what those cults are, man. | ||
| It's like there's a combination of stupid, uninformed narcissism and that weird primal nature to tell people what to do. | ||
| And you bang it all together with some delusional person with some good vocabulary and some wild stories of what's waiting for them after the Hale-Bopp comet passes overhead and you cut your balls off. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, it's all fucked up. | ||
| How did it affect, once you got out and you realized you were out and you talked to all the other people that were out too and you all realized that you were out, how did it affect, did you have to like remap those years in your head? | ||
| Did you have to kind of think about What life is really like? | ||
| It was interesting, because I got out when I was 16, so I had to go out. | ||
| As soon as I got out, I had two more years of high school. | ||
| So I got thrown down the street at Taft. | ||
| I went to Taft High School in Woodland Hills. | ||
| And then, yeah, did a couple more years there. | ||
| But it was tough to get re-acclimated. | ||
| And then, yeah, I didn't know. | ||
| I had to retrain my brain. | ||
| Like, I felt like I knew... | ||
| It was almost like I knew what they were trying to do. | ||
| I almost felt like I was being brainwashed and we were taught to self-police each other. | ||
| So it's like North Korea style. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Otherwise, you know, they would put you on a full-time and you'd have to fucking dig out a stump for three weeks. | ||
| So when you say we were forced to self-police each other, were you forced to self-police yourself or other guys? | ||
| Ourselves and others. | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to write a dirt list every week, which is basically every rule. | ||
| Here's another way the government's fucking kind of culty. | ||
| They were doing that in LA. They were asking people to find people who weren't social distancing. | ||
| Yeah, and report them and then report businesses that were operating during quarantine. | ||
| You get a reward. | ||
| Call this hotline. | ||
| Call this number. | ||
| Be a rat. | ||
| Be a bitch. | ||
| Yeah, be a bitch. | ||
| There should be a number. | ||
| 1-800-BE-A-BITCH. But when they call those numbers, they should have your phone number, and then when you go to vote, they should go, oh, look. | ||
| Turns out you're a bitch. | ||
| Look what you did, stupid. | ||
| This guy was barbecuing in his backyard without a mask on. | ||
| You called the fucking feds. | ||
| You creeps. | ||
| People are so crazy. | ||
| They're so absolute and so angry. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know man, and then I got out. | ||
| How do you recover? | ||
| How do you go, hey, this is all bullshit? | ||
| I think it took some time. | ||
| It took years, but I was one of the lucky ones. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| I did it. | ||
| I took the positives. | ||
| I was like, you know what? | ||
| It wasn't all bad. | ||
| I learned some tools. | ||
| And if I didn't go through that, I wouldn't be the person I am today. | ||
| And I'm not the worst fucking guy in the world. | ||
| So... | ||
| I made it out. | ||
| I survived. | ||
| Fuck it, right? | ||
| There were a lot of people that wouldn't let go. | ||
| They would just hold on. | ||
| And to this very day, they hold on so tight to this bitterness and this anger. | ||
| And they can't sleep at night. | ||
| And all they think about is what they went through. | ||
| They lost three years of their life. | ||
| I do hate that. | ||
| I do bummed out that I missed out those three years of junior high. | ||
| Not if this script gets sold. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That's earned character. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's like, you know, we're talking about with Joey Diaz. | ||
| Like, you earned this. | ||
| I totally, not only do I not regret it, there's many, many, many days, more days than not, that I wish I could go back and do it all over again. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There was camaraderie. | ||
| There was something about it. | ||
| I had all that other bullshit to worry about, but I didn't have to worry about a roof over my head, job, all the other bullshit that you have to worry about as an adult. | ||
| They say that about prison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I'm sure. | |
| You get institutionalized. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I heard stories... | ||
| About people, even in the Holocaust, because you know what they, and you know what the reason, I think it's a very small percentage of people that would have wanted to go back to that. | ||
| But they said it's because they felt alive. | ||
| A lot of people said that about war in general. | ||
| During war, they feel like the stakes are so high and everything's turned up to 11. You know, I think that's what we're talking about when we're talking about the pandemic, the early days of the pandemic. | ||
| I felt like this is going to be good for people. | ||
| It's going to be a little bit of a lesson, but I'm much more cynical now. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because now I see that this is... | ||
| Everyone's going to survive, but they're going to be broke. | ||
| And they're going to be... | ||
| I mean, it's going to harden people's differences instead of force people to abandon a lot of the foolish stuff and concentrate on what's important, keeping our loved ones and our family alive, keeping each other alive and doing the right thing and protecting ourselves from this invasion of demons, invisible demons that can kill your grandpa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then when we realized it wasn't that... | ||
| Then everybody sort of settled into this boredom. | ||
| Everybody settled into like watching TV all day and eating too much. | ||
| And then the shit talking on Twitter got to the point where I'm like, I don't even want to read you guys anymore. | ||
| Everyone's so angry. | ||
| There's so much anger. | ||
| And until things bounce back to a steady place, I don't think that's going to resolve itself. | ||
| Well, it's a very divisive issue, you know. | ||
| But I do hope that some of us, the wise amongst us, some of us that like to think about things are going to look at this and go, Maybe my priorities were out of whack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe I was working too much. | ||
| Maybe I should have just tried to enjoy life and had more adventures and just appreciated people and just more dinners with wine, you know, laughing and hugging each other and just more having fun because there's so much of... | ||
| So much of life is really horseshit. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Really, like, it's hard to... | ||
| It's hard to recognize it when it's right in front of you and it demands your attention. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| But it's not the same thing as losing your life. | ||
| And when that virus came along, like post 9-11, everybody kind of became nicer for a little bit. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'm hoping that more of us than not will be able to recapture that. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Just hold on to what... | ||
| Is actually important. | ||
| And I hope that's sooner rather than later. | ||
| I also hope that people that have been thinking about doing something, but they've been held back by this idea that you're going to play it safe, you realize there's no safe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So good. | ||
| So write that book. | ||
| Start stand-up. | ||
| Make that album. | ||
| Fucking start sculpting. | ||
| Whatever the fuck you're thinking about doing, man, just go and do it. | ||
| Go and do it. | ||
| Get out there, man. | ||
| I want to kidnap a bunch of people and give them acid. | ||
| I think that's been done. | ||
| All right, sorry. | ||
| Turns out terrible. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| When are you going to do your thing with Norm again? | ||
| You going to start soon? | ||
| Yeah, we've been planning for a while now, so now we're just going to... | ||
| We just need to put all the nuts and bolts into place and then get a studio, get a camera, and just do it. | ||
| But you're going to be the first guest. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| All right, good. | ||
| So just tell me when so I can plan ahead. | ||
| We're shooting the first one in the fall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| So you're going to plan it out. | ||
| You're going to map it out in advance. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Dude, I'm in. | ||
| Listen, I love Norm to pieces. | ||
| He's one of my all-time favorite human beings that have ever lived. | ||
| I have a great story about Norm, me and him on a plane. | ||
| Randomly. | ||
| This is crazy, but true. | ||
| Randomly. | ||
| Twice, I sat next to him on planes. | ||
| Just randomly. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, totally randomly. | ||
| Like, what's up, Norm? | ||
| What's up, Norm? | ||
| Like, crazy. | ||
| This is happening again? | ||
| And both times, it was a blast. | ||
| But one time, we're flying back, and he's like, yeah, I used to smoke. | ||
| And I had to give it up. | ||
| It's fucking terrible for you. | ||
| Sometimes I miss it, but glad I quit. | ||
| I'm like, how long has it been? | ||
| He's telling me all these months. | ||
| He stopped smoking, this and that. | ||
| We're talking. | ||
| As soon as he lands, he walks right into the fucking store, buys a carton of cigarettes, and he's opening this cigarette. | ||
| He's lighting it before he gets out the door. | ||
| And I go, what are you doing? | ||
| He goes, oh, that talk about smoking. | ||
| I had to have one. | ||
| And the flight from, I forget where we even were. | ||
| Two times. | ||
| Both times were just like the best flights. | ||
| Just like having an audience of one next to one of the greatest comics ever and just be able to talk shit. | ||
| Yeah, he's probably, you know, he's probably like in my top three favorite stand-up comics of all time. | ||
| And great guy. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| The two greatest people in my life in comedy have been Norm and Spade. | ||
| They've just been so good to me, and I love them both, and they're both equally hilarious in different ways. | ||
| But Norm, I'll never forget how quick he was and good he was at hosting that podcast. | ||
| We had Larry King on one time, and Larry was like, Norm, I don't think they're going to give you a show. | ||
| Because he was just fucking outlandish, saying the most crazy fucking shit to Larry King. | ||
| And Larry's like, you know what, Norm? | ||
| He's like 50 years in the radio business. | ||
| The one thing I learned is I rarely talk. | ||
| I always listen. | ||
| That's why I always learn from the guests because I'm always listening. | ||
| And Norris, can I interrupt you there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So I can't wait to come back with this podcast. | |
| Norm is the hidden king of the internet. | ||
| If he decided to have a podcast, it would be the biggest podcast of all time. | ||
| If he just did it on a regular basis. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We just need to get motivated. | ||
| He's buck wild, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He is. | |
| And he's always been. | ||
| Always. | ||
| There's whatever the filter, it doesn't even screw in his head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| There's no filter. | ||
| There was never a place for it. | ||
| He's with Charles Manson a comedy. | ||
| No, he loves Manson. | ||
| Does he really? | ||
| Yeah, we'll definitely get O'Neal on. | ||
| No way! | ||
| He's a Manson fiend? | ||
| Huge. | ||
| How much does he know about the case? | ||
| I think he knows. | ||
| I'm sure he's read the book several times. | ||
| You think he's read that book? | ||
| That chaos book? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, good. | ||
| I need to talk to him about it. | ||
| Yeah, you have to. | ||
| Well, listen, brother. | ||
| Dude, I can't thank you enough. | ||
| Always good to see you. | ||
| Always good to see you. | ||
| But we gotta do this in the VIP bar. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Next time I see you, I hope we're at the Comedy Store and the shows. | ||
| Tell everybody your Instagram so they can tell you. | ||
| Oh, at AdamEbay. | ||
| Send me a lot of dick pics. | ||
| Yes, send me all the dick pics. | ||
| At AdamEbay. | ||
| On Twitter and Instagram? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or just Instagram? | |
| Twitter, at AdamEgott. | ||
| Instagram, at AdamEbay. | ||
| All right, brother. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God bless you. | |
| Thank you so much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Praise Odin to you all. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Hail Bob. | ||
| Dude, thank you so much. | ||
| I was fucking terrified. |
Export Selection