May 13, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:04:07
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, what were you just saying, Jamie? | |
| We have LA's stay-at-home order will likely remain in place for the next three months unless there is a, quote, dramatic change to the virus and tools at hand, officials say. | ||
| How are people supposed to feed themselves? | ||
| Like, really? | ||
| Realistically? | ||
| How do they expect this to work? | ||
| You go out to work, and then you skitter back home. | ||
| That's not what they're saying. | ||
| That's not what stay at home means. | ||
| Stay at home means you don't go to work. | ||
| Yeah, but at the same time, they're opening up businesses. | ||
| They're opening up very few businesses, and you have to get curbside for retail. | ||
| I heard our governor in the state of California say that 70% of businesses are open now. | ||
| Well, if that's the case, even if that was the case, let's say 30% of people are out of work. | ||
| That's catastrophic. | ||
| Yeah, it's a lot. | ||
| And I don't think it's true. | ||
| I don't think 70% of the places are open. | ||
| That's what he said, 70% of businesses. | ||
| Even if they're open, they're not open at 100% capacity. | ||
| Or they're probably working from home, like offices. | ||
| He's probably counting offices. | ||
| And those people are still working and getting paid, but they're doing it from home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So this is just L.A.? LA County. | |
| So that means like Comedy Store has no chance. | ||
| Yeah, I believe it's for the county. | ||
| Yeah, so it's the biggest county. | ||
| This is the same fuck-up who thought it would be a good idea to have people rat on people for money. | ||
| Technically, this was not coming from the mayor. | ||
| This is coming from a health... | ||
| someone in the health department talking at a supervisor meeting or something. | ||
| So it was a suggestion. | ||
| It wasn't a... | ||
| Not an official order, but it's coming, yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's not an official order. | ||
| Not an official order, but LA is the densest county in America. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Is it really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| More than New York? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As a county. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That seems odd, doesn't it? | ||
| It does seem odd. | ||
| Seems like a lot of people. | ||
| New York City's denser. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| New York City's... | ||
| The thing about New York City that makes it great is that everybody sort of mingles together. | ||
| Everybody gets on the subway together. | ||
| Everybody walks together on the streets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's also the reason why everybody's getting sick together. | ||
| Yeah, but I saw an interesting thing, that the highest, this guy wrote an editorial about the reasons for New York, and he lives in New York, and he said Staten Island had the highest number. | ||
| This was written before, I think Brooklyn has now edged it, but at the time, that Staten Island was the highest and it was the least densely populated, and Manhattan, which is the most densely populated, had the fewer number of cases. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Well, I wonder if that is similar to what they're finding with people that work together, or in prisons in particular. | ||
| They're finding that there was this one prison they did a study on, 98% of the people were asymptomatic. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 98%? | ||
| Yeah, 98%. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| It's nuts. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| So I was bringing it up with a friend of mine, and I was like, do you think this is because my friend Kyle Kalinske, and he was like, I think it's because their immune systems are strong, because they're just interacting with each other constantly. | ||
| And I was like, oh, that kind of makes sense, because I was thinking, if you're in prison, you're probably stressed out, and you're getting bad food. | ||
| Yeah, and horrible sleep. | ||
| And yet your immune system's strong. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you're just being bombarded all the time? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're being bombarded all the time by stinky, dirty people. | ||
| Where if you live in an isolated, fancy place with purified air and all this... | ||
| You're in a wonderful community in Brentwood. | ||
| You don't see your neighbors ever. | ||
| You don't go anywhere. | ||
| You're very fragile. | ||
| Yeah, you go to the store, you come home, and now our immune systems are, I would imagine, this is just pure speculation, but I would imagine that your immune system is like all the other systems of your body, that when it gets tested, it gets stronger, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, for sure. | ||
| So your immune system right now is being put into a state of atrophy, because it's not being exposed to anything new. | ||
| It's in a lounge chair. | ||
| It's just chilling. | ||
| It's got sunglasses on. | ||
| Hasn't worked in years. | ||
| It's got soft legs that cramp up when it goes upstairs. | ||
| And all of a sudden, it gets called to go to work, and it's just like, dude, what? | ||
| Wouldn't you imagine that's the case? | ||
| It seems like it. | ||
| Yeah, I can imagine we're setting ourselves up to get really sick if something comes down the pipe. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, that was what was very strange in the beginning of all this, when people were saying that people just spout out, you can't do anything for your immune system. | ||
| You can't make it stronger. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| And it was like... | ||
| Who was saying that? | ||
| Just online. | ||
| I did a thing with people spouting off. | ||
| It's crazy because online, it's written. | ||
| And when you're seeing things written, you're like, wow, this must make sense. | ||
| It's written. | ||
| It's got 150,000 likes. | ||
| This has got to be real. | ||
| It's just Bob said it. | ||
| It's just a matter of a guy walking down the street. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| I don't understand how we could take three more months off. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| Well, it depends what they mean. | ||
| When you hear the governor talk, it's... | ||
| He's moving it along and he's in these phases and pushing it through. | ||
| I don't think it's going to be, as I'm stammering at the realization of it, I don't think it's going to be like what it was in April, in May. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| In July. | ||
| Because I... Do you want to go outside? | ||
| I think so, too. | ||
| L.A. County beaches reopen May 13th. | ||
| Yes, but you can't hang out on your lounge. | ||
| You can't hang out on your towel. | ||
| You've got to go in. | ||
| Make that larger, please. | ||
| Go back to where it was. | ||
| You can do water sports. | ||
| No lying or sitting on the sand. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Canopies, coolers, or picnicking. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can be active. | ||
| You can go swim. | ||
| Parking lots are closed. | ||
| So where do they expect you to park? | ||
| They don't want you to go. | ||
| Individual family activities and exercise only. | ||
| Yeah, so you can go down, you can swim, you can ride the waves, and then get out of the ocean and get back in your car. | ||
| Look at this, no picnicking. | ||
| You can't picnic. | ||
| No biking. | ||
| No biking. | ||
| Now why can't you bike? | ||
| I have to say... | ||
| No volleyball? | ||
| You see that round circle with the slash through it with the giant canopies? | ||
| Those should be banned all year. | ||
| Have you ever been next to one of those on the beach? | ||
| Oh, those are disgusting. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Why are you allowed to set up camp? | ||
| Building a house. | ||
| Yeah, you're basically saying this is my area of the sand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Blocking everyone's view. | ||
| Yeah, you can get a fucking towel. | ||
| That's what you can get. | ||
| You get a towel and that's it. | ||
| That's how it's always been. | ||
| I know. | ||
| These people come down there, they've got... | ||
| Coolers and tables higher than this. | ||
| You see they have fences now? | ||
| People are setting up beach fences? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're selling beach fences. | ||
| You set it up, you stick it in the sand, and you mark off your area. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Social distancing! | |
| We're creating dorks. | ||
| This is all before social distancing. | ||
| These are just people making camps there and bringing 25 people. | ||
| Ugh, I hate it. | ||
| So reopens tomorrow is what they're saying. | ||
| Yeah, baby. | ||
| Well, that's good. | ||
| That's a start. | ||
| I think we need to move in the other direction. | ||
| I think we need to quarantine people that are at risk. | ||
| That's what I think, really. | ||
| And then let people make their own choices. | ||
| The idea that these hospitals are going to be overwhelmed is not true. | ||
| It's not correct. | ||
| Luckily, we're very fortunate. | ||
| And the idea that we're going to run out of ventilators, that's not true either. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then also, that doctor that worked with Michael Yeo was telling you this before we started. | ||
| The doctor said that if he put him on a ventilator, he would die. | ||
| Because his body would stop trying to breathe, and it would just sort of give up. | ||
| And this is what Michael Yeo's doctor told him, and he survived. | ||
| And then we're finding out that a lot of people they put on ventilators don't make it. | ||
| And I wonder if what he's saying applies to those people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Was he a special case of why they didn't want him on the ventilator? | ||
| No, his doctor's just a wise guy. | ||
| He's just smart and just figured it out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, look... | ||
| I mean, it's a weird thing to think, you know, what if we hadn't done all of these measures? | ||
| Would the hospitals have... | ||
| I mean, because the hospitals for a beat were... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Depends on where you are. | ||
| Yeah, like if you weren't in Queens, it was insane. | ||
| Yeah, this place is where it's horrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So like if we hadn't done these things, what would have the result have been? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| You know, I mean, would we have achieved herd immunity? | ||
| Or would we have achieved it quicker? | ||
| Because herd immunity is like 60% of the people have been infected and then the virus sort of dies off. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, when you look at the Spanish flu, when you look at the history of that, and the places that did something, Fared much better than the places that didn't. | ||
| The end result was, you know, all these people died. | ||
| It goes through the same amount of time, but just you have a lot more fatalities, you know? | ||
| And it's always been this kind of calculation, like, you know, people are doing the math. | ||
| I feel like people are doing the math and they're saying, okay, X amount will die, but we've got to get back to work and get these people to work. | ||
| And they're trying to figure out that equation. | ||
| Is the suffering of the people that are probably going to survive even if they get it? | ||
| Is that suffering going to be greater than the suffering for families who lose people, right? | ||
| So that's that balancing act. | ||
| And you can see where people are coming out on it. | ||
| Certain places are like, no, it's just time to go. | ||
| And yeah, there'll be casualties, but we'll deal. | ||
| And other people are saying, save lives at all costs. | ||
| Well, if we say save lives at all costs, we should all stop driving. | ||
| I don't want to do that, too. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, I know what you're saying. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| There's things that are risk. | ||
| This is one of those things that's a uniquely human problem because there's no real answer for it. | ||
| Because most human problems are like, whoa, it's... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, right. | ||
| You don't... | ||
| You kind of... | ||
| We're all isolated on this one thing. | ||
| And then you stop thinking, well, we live at risk all day long. | ||
| Well, not only do we live at risk all day long, but we make decisions that could put ourselves at risk and we're allowed to make those decisions. | ||
| But with this, you're not allowed to make those decisions. | ||
| And the idea is, well, because you put others at risk. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But who and why and when do we decide? | ||
| How long can we go on with this? | ||
| If we don't have any new tools in July, what is going to be the difference between July and now? | ||
| Well, that's what Fauci is saying about the fall. | ||
| He's saying that there's going to be a resurgence of it in the fall. | ||
| You're going to have more because it's the flu season. | ||
| And you need to be prepared with testing and stuff to deal with this in the right way or else you're back to what we were dealing with in April and May. | ||
| And that you've got to learn from it and be prepared. | ||
| It's the testing, the testing, the testing. | ||
| Yeah, it just seems Elon just opened up his factory in California, the Tesla factory, and said, come arrest me. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Basically saying what you're doing is a violation of civil liberties. | ||
| You're telling people that they're not allowed to go to work and that this has become a fascist state. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| See how that goes. | ||
| Yeah, I kind of feel like they know that they'll save lives this way. | ||
| But I mean, look, if you're the governor, right? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I mean, you want people to be safe, but you also are looking at the books every day and realizing that your state is in need of a trillion dollars to survive. | ||
| I mean, if that's it. | ||
| It might be a lot more than that. | ||
| That's just based on what we know is active and the businesses that are open right now. | ||
| A friend of mine was saying, how many people are unemployed right now and they don't even know it? | ||
| Their business is just never going to make it. | ||
| And then also there's going to be less people with money, so there's going to be less spending, so these economies are going to need some sort of a resurgence. | ||
| So if you're the governor, you're not out there just to control people and take away their civil liberties because you're screwing yourself on the other end with people being broke and the economy falling apart. | ||
| So you're in this spot. | ||
| I do not envy it. | ||
| It's also when you start telling people what to do, it's very difficult to stop. | ||
| So once you have the ability to tell people what to do, it's very difficult to just turn that off and go, go ahead, go back to normal, do whatever you want to do now. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Which is what we used to do just four months ago, right? | ||
| Do whatever you want to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| But now all of a sudden, do you see that goofy fucking list that they put out of all the stuff you can and can't do? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's even goofier than the list that we saw about the beaches. | ||
| It's fucking preposterous. | ||
| It's a really long list that California put out of things you're allowed to do outside. | ||
| You can meditate. | ||
| You can do soft martial arts. | ||
| You can watch the sunrise or the sunset. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it's... | |
| It's so asinine. | ||
| You're getting people, in this case, you're getting people that have no business telling people what to do. | ||
| And all of a sudden they've been assigned this ability to tell people what they're allowed to do and not to do. | ||
| And so they make this gigantic stupid fucking list. | ||
| And it's really offensive. | ||
| It is a weird thing. | ||
| It's fucking dumb. | ||
| Dan Crenshaw put something up on his Instagram, see if you can find it, where he shows what you can and can't do in this one particular list and how preposterous it is. | ||
| There's a bunch of lists that different states are putting up and different states have different approaches. | ||
| One thing that I do like about the fact that we are the United States of America is that different states do have different approaches and we get to watch how that experiment plays out. | ||
| It is an experiment, isn't it? | ||
| I'm just like, so how's Georgia? | ||
| Every day I sit down and I'm like, what's going on down there? | ||
| Permitted. | ||
| Walking, running, exercising, surfing, fishing, no chairs. | ||
| Prohibited. | ||
| Sunbathing, sitting in chairs. | ||
| Group sports, groups of people, swimming. | ||
| And here's what he says, for your daily dose of things that are stupid, here you go. | ||
| How many geniuses sat around and deliberated over these particulars? | ||
| Okay, they can fish, but we don't want them getting any sun while they fish, and no chairs, because we are saving lives! | ||
| High fives all around. | ||
| He's so right. | ||
| I guess this is New Jersey. | ||
| OCNJ, that's New Jersey, right? | ||
| Yeah, Ocean County, New Jersey. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| Fuck off with that group. | ||
| So what do you think? | ||
| At this point, let's just let it rip? | ||
| I don't think it'll let it rip. | ||
| I think education is imperative. | ||
| I think, first of all... | ||
| There has to be some education on how to strengthen your immune system. | ||
| There are experts that understand. | ||
| I mean, I'm having Dr. Rhonda Patrick on tomorrow to talk about this. | ||
| I think it's very important to talk about supplementation, to talk about hermetic effects of heat shock proteins, cold shock proteins, what we can do as far as mitigating the stresses that you get from not having enough sleep, meditation, all sorts of different things that we need to teach people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How to strengthen your immune system. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| How to keep your body healthy. | ||
| I'm with you 100%. | ||
| I'm doing all that stuff, learning about it as I go through life and I meditate, I take vitamins, I exercise, all that. | ||
| Eat a lot of bread. | ||
| Eat a lot of bread. | ||
| Oh, this bread is so much better. | ||
| I bet it's good. | ||
| Better than the last one? | ||
| It might be the best ones I've ever made. | ||
| How is it possible? | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| The last one was perfection. | ||
| I'm home. | ||
| I just keep getting better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you get better at bread? | |
| You get better. | ||
| There's so many things that go into it every day. | ||
| I don't understand how you get better at bread. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| Wait till you see it. | ||
| I'm glad you're around, man. | ||
| I'm eating bread right now. | ||
| You're agreeing, but. | ||
| All that stuff is great, but that list you just said about heat proteins that's in it, that is so much more complicated than no chairs at the beach, dummy. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| Honestly, when you talk to people just out there shopping, doing stuff, going to the beach, the guy who's setting up his tent with his poles and he's got his thing, that guy's not going to know shit about... | ||
| I got my beach fence. | ||
| Don't spit in my area. | ||
| He's not going to know anything about his immune system or any of the protein. | ||
| But don't... | ||
| You can, with the herd... | ||
| You've got to tell them, no dummy, fish no chair. | ||
| Why can't you fucking sit down and fish? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Like, when you cast out to the surf and you have bait, you sit down. | ||
| You put your fucking pole in a pole holder so it's standing there, and you sit back and you watch your line. | ||
| Because there's going to be some jackass who's going to... | ||
| They're going to come up and say, Sir, they said no chairs. | ||
| I got my pole. | ||
| I'm fishing. | ||
| We're all fishing, right, honey? | ||
| We all got a pole. | ||
| Fishing, but no chairs. | ||
| Chairs are dangerous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you stay put, it could come get you. | |
| It's preposterous. | ||
| It is preposterous. | ||
| But the other part of the United States of America, and then we all get to make our own rules and see this experiment, is like... | ||
| The information flow is so confusing. | ||
| It's been so... | ||
| I mean, from the first time we heard about it in January, there's this thing. | ||
| I have been looking at my phone every day going, is that true? | ||
| Is this right? | ||
| Is this true? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait. | |
| I read it on Twitter. | ||
| No masks. | ||
| Now a mask. | ||
| Now not a mask. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Even Fauci. | ||
| I posted something from 60 Minutes yesterday. | ||
| I read that. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| Fauci was saying you don't need to wear a mask. | ||
| This was like two months ago. | ||
| That was early, right? | ||
| That was early. | ||
| March is not that early, man. | ||
| I know, but that's when they were saying no masks because they didn't have masks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that why? | |
| I think so. | ||
| Well, maybe. | ||
| But he was saying specifically you don't need a mask. | ||
| But look, there's people out there wearing masks while they're driving in their cars. | ||
| That's why I put it up. | ||
| But I see these fucking dorks. | ||
| I'm like, come on, man. | ||
| Who's in your car blowing germs in your face? | ||
| I know, by yourself. | ||
| And by the way, those things are not going to keep the air from coming in your mouth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And it's in the air. | ||
| If it's in the air, it's going to get in your mouth. | ||
| It's going to keep you from spitting it out, maybe, and getting it on somebody. | ||
| Maybe it'll stem the flow a little bit. | ||
| And yeah, if you're out in public, particularly if you're going around a lot of people and you think you might have something, wear a mask. | ||
| I'm in the supermarket wearing my mask, wearing this. | ||
| Just pull this up on my thing. | ||
| You're a bandit. | ||
| I go with the bandit. | ||
| All of a sudden, everyone's a bandit. | ||
| Everyone's a bandit. | ||
| Everyone's robbing a bank. | ||
| I can't wait for the first time someone robs something and they've all got their mask on. | ||
| I'm sure it's already happened. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I'm in there with this stupid ass mask. | ||
| It's hot. | ||
| It fogs up my glasses. | ||
| I'm itchy. | ||
| My eyes are running. | ||
| I'm like, I'm trying not to touch my face with all this stuff. | ||
| This is not helping me. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that was the thing Fauci said in the video that when you wear a mask, people start messing with their face. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now I'm rubbing my eyeballs. | ||
| I think we need to concentrate on people getting their immune system stronger. | ||
| I think the government has the time to put up these fucking stupid lists of not, don't use a chair, put up a list of how important it is to take vitamin C, supplement your diet with vitamin C, supplement your diet with vitamin D. Elderberry. | ||
| Yeah, take zinc. | ||
| Take all sorts of things that have proven to be very good for your immune system. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Why wouldn't you do it? | ||
| Why wouldn't you do it? | ||
| Anger. | ||
| Anger. | ||
| Frustration. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Instead, you could just put it off till July! | |
| And then it's gonna magically be better! | ||
| It's not gonna be better in July. | ||
| It's still gonna exist. | ||
| The only thing that's going to be different is going to be hot as fuck out. | ||
| Maybe that's better. | ||
| Maybe the virus can't survive when it's hot as fuck out and when it untouched things. | ||
| It'll go down, but then it's going to get cold. | ||
| And that's what happened in 1918, right? | ||
| 1919. The fall spike was much worse than the spring spike. | ||
| Is that what they said? | ||
| Yeah, it came back and the numbers were much higher. | ||
| And this is what I keep trying to figure out. | ||
| I'm reading all about the history of that, and it was a two-year thing before it just went through the population and eventually died out. | ||
| And I keep thinking, are we going to be different? | ||
| Are we more advanced? | ||
| Are we going to be able to change that story in modern day? | ||
| Well, first of all, it's a different disease. | ||
| It's a very different disease. | ||
| This is not the Spanish flu. | ||
| The Spanish flu was way worse. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was way worse. | ||
| It was killing everybody. | ||
| Particularly, it attacked young people and healthy people very quickly. | ||
| You want to kill Cliff? | ||
| Have some CBD. Very good for you. | ||
| Doesn't even get you high. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Very good. | ||
| It's a mango flavor. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| Yeah, this is a different disease, and it's also a disease where a significant number of people, in fact, more people than not, are asymptomatic. | ||
| It's good, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
25 milligrams of CBD. I'm tasting childhood. | |
| That's a thing of CBD. Are you taking CBD at all? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| You need to. | ||
| Do I? Yeah, it's so good for inflammation, man. | ||
| Just for everything. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| It alleviates anxiety. | ||
| A lot of anxiety comes from like, ah, like your body's got inflammation. | ||
| For whatever reason, CBD seems to alleviate anxiety in a significant amount of people. | ||
| With THC or without? | ||
| Without. | ||
| You don't need it. | ||
| You don't need THC. I like with. | ||
| I like both. | ||
| The benefits will be the same with or without. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| It's great stuff. | ||
| That's really good. | ||
| It's tasty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a small amount of CBD. That's 25 milligrams. | ||
| But I'm addicted to these things. | ||
| I drink them all the time. | ||
| Alright, I'm on it. | ||
| I also take CBD. I use... | ||
| I drop. | ||
| I had those for a while. | ||
| CBD, MD. I get that stuff. | ||
| And I put the tincture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They help me sleep. | ||
| Oh, it's great. | ||
| It's really good for your body, too. | ||
| It's just great for people with arthritis and stiff joints and things along those lines, you know? | ||
| So that's what I wanted. | ||
| That's what I want to get people into. | ||
| Get people healthier. | ||
| Recognizing, like, hey, here's a time where you can understand that it's important to have a healthy body, and this is why. | ||
| Because, you know, you look at who this is hitting, the people that are dying. | ||
| We went over it yesterday. | ||
| Significant increase in likelihood of death when you're older. | ||
| Older or obese or diabetic? | ||
| Obese is huge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In New York, that's the number one thing. | ||
| Oh, is it really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They were saying the number one thing that led to mortality. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, you see, like, I know. | ||
| Imagine being fat as fuck and you're like, God damn, I wish I had a little warning. | ||
| I'd like to get healthy, but it's all of a sudden. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Out of nowhere? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Out of nowhere I can kill you. | ||
| Before, it just was tough going upstairs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I just had to buy bigger pants. | ||
| I just felt shitty about myself when I looked in the mirror. | ||
| Yeah, I just avoided mirrors. | ||
| Now my life is being threatened. | ||
| Yeah, literally. | ||
| Yeah, literally. | ||
| People are dying. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You gotta be strong. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's terrible for the people that lost people. | ||
| It's terrible for people who die. | ||
| I'm with you on all this stuff, but I just do not think this is the way to handle it. | ||
| I think quarantining the people that are at risk is a far better option, far smarter option. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, better testing. | ||
| If you have older people in your family, they stay in their place. | ||
| You don't go see them until we get, you know, the vaccine or get through it. | ||
| I mean, there aren't numbers. | ||
| I mean, if we're just going by the science, you're going by the hard numbers. | ||
| The majority of the workforce could probably go out and work. | ||
| The majority. | ||
| The vast majority, yeah. | ||
| And there should be some sort of a waiver for people who can't or don't want to or have anxiety about it. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| But I think most people want to go back to work. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I got an offer to go do shows in a club in a couple weeks. | ||
| Addison Improv's opened back up. | ||
| Apparently they're opening back up this weekend. | ||
| Texas doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Would you perform? | ||
| Would you go to a club? | ||
| I would book it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to do it. | ||
| I don't know what I'm going to do, man. | ||
| I mean, if July is legit, if that's really when we go back, that's too many months. | ||
| That's a lot of months. | ||
| Too many months to not do stand-up. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I start feeling a little weird. | ||
| Well, also, your stand-up's gonna suck, okay? | ||
| We're talking about how your cardiovascular system goes down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about your stand-up system? | ||
| I know. | ||
| We'll get that back quick, though. | ||
| We will. | ||
| Yeah, if you get there on Wednesday, by Friday, you'll have your system back. | ||
| Yeah, you'll be good. | ||
| You'll be good to go. | ||
| Your voice will be sore. | ||
| My God, my throat is out of breath. | ||
| You won't be thinking right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, your throat will be out of shape. | |
| It's really true. | ||
| It is true. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But it looks like if you want, there's going to be clubs, but you'll have to fly to them. | ||
| You've got to go to Texas. | ||
| You've got to go to Addison. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I heard there's some other clubs around the country that are going to start opening up as well. | ||
| How was the thing on the weekend? | ||
| Your thing. | ||
| Oh, the UFC? Yeah. | ||
| It was interesting. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Very weird. | ||
| Was it weird? | ||
| Very weird. | ||
| Huge arena, no one in it. | ||
| No one in it. | ||
| No one in it. | ||
| 15,000 seat arena, maybe 10 people in the audience. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, and it was all people that worked for the UFC. Wow. | ||
| Yeah, like us, the three commentators, sound people, a few other folks. | ||
| Like rehearsal. | ||
| Judges. | ||
| I guess more than 10 people because there was the judges and then the doctors and state officials, medical officials and athletic commission people. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then they just come out and fight and you just hear them breathing and stuff? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Well, first of all, the main event was spectacular. | ||
| It was an incredible fight. | ||
| And it was a fucking war. | ||
| But it was a war where, unlike any other war, there's no crowd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're hearing everything. | ||
| You're hearing every smack of the flesh, every deep breath. | ||
| You hear them breathing in the nostrils with broken noses. | ||
| You can hear the fluid as they're breathing in because their nose is broken and blood's pouring out of it. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Jeez, they should just play music over it or something. | ||
| No. | ||
| Play crowd music. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, that was part of the thing. | ||
| Was it cool? | ||
| Was it cool? | ||
| That sounds kind of like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I didn't hate it. | ||
| I felt very fortunate. | ||
| Very fortunate to be there, one of the few people to be there live while this is going on. | ||
| That's how I felt. | ||
| Yeah, the whole world. | ||
| Yeah, while it was happening, I was like, wow, I'm so lucky I get to be here. | ||
| That's how I felt. | ||
| Even if I have to fly to fucking Florida to do it. | ||
| It was odd. | ||
| It was all odd. | ||
| That is weird. | ||
| What was it like going through, getting off the plane, taking the car to the thing? | ||
| It was all weird. | ||
| The driver's got a mouth covering on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He was pretty cool about it. | ||
| I went to a restaurant. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I ate at a Morton Steakhouse. | ||
| All open? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Sat down, no mask. | ||
| The waiter had a mask on. | ||
| They made him wear masks. | ||
| Me and Eddie Bravo sat down, had steak, had a glass of wine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Geez. | ||
| People at the next tables? | ||
| There was one or two other couples. | ||
| There was an older couple. | ||
| Not that we were a couple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Excuse me. | |
| There was one older couple and one younger couple. | ||
| And then there was maybe a couple other people at the bar. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So it was fairly empty. | ||
| But also it was like 4 o'clock in the afternoon. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are they limiting how many people can come in? | ||
| Yeah, I think in a lot of places. | ||
| My friend Nick, he owns Gaetano's Restaurant in Vegas, and he showed me a diagram of what they're allowed to do. | ||
| They used a ruler to measure out the floor. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they put six feet in between tables. | ||
| And so, kind of like every other table, they put a black tablecloth over it, so you couldn't use that table. | ||
| So people were separated. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I mean, how much of this is science? | ||
| I mean, how much of this is nonsense? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Nobody knows! | ||
| I feel like every conversation we have about all of it, it always ends up with, who knows? | ||
| Right, because if you've got all these tables blocked off, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've got a black tablecloth on, you can't use that. | ||
| What if someone's coughing over there? | ||
| You cool eating your spaghetti while this guy's coughing 12 feet away from you? | ||
| Who knows what's going on in the kitchen? | ||
| Who knows what the busboy putting their utensils out? | ||
| Right, who knows? | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Doing our thing and being cautious with takeout. | ||
| Maybe we're playing the odds. | ||
| Maybe the odds are more in our favor if we can kind of cut down on some of the dumb stuff. | ||
| Or maybe our immune system is going to turn into a pile of goo. | ||
| A mushy, bitch-ass immune system that can't handle anything. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I really thought I had it. | ||
| I was so upset that I didn't. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Everybody thought that. | ||
| I think I had a sniffle back in January. | ||
| Yeah, I know it. | ||
| I was in Seattle. | ||
| I was on the airplane. | ||
| I came home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I felt like shit. | |
| Guarantee you I'm immune. | ||
| I gotta be immune. | ||
| Everybody said that. | ||
| Tim Dillon was fucking convinced. | ||
| Dude, I was so sick. | ||
| I was sicker than I've ever been in December telling you I got it. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| And then I told my wife, and she's like, none of those tests are working anyway. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| It's like, you gotta believe in the testing at a certain point. | ||
| I've been swabbed. | ||
| I saw you get the swabbed. | ||
| That did not look fun. | ||
| Yeah, I got it then. | ||
| You were rocked. | ||
| Yeah, it just tickles. | ||
| It's like, ugh. | ||
| You were messed up for like 15 minutes. | ||
| You were kind of like, oof. | ||
| No. | ||
| You looked weird. | ||
| No. | ||
| You're exaggerating. | ||
| Yes, you are. | ||
| You were playing pool. | ||
| You were like, hmm, this felt weird. | ||
| No, I told you it irritates you for 15 minutes, but it's not that bad. | ||
| I wasn't acting weird. | ||
| If it wasn't for the pandemic, I would have had to hold you as you cried. | ||
| I was weeping in the inside. | ||
| That makes you feel better. | ||
| I had it done again on Sunday, though, and it was way easier. | ||
| I think my right nostril is less sensitive than my less nostril, if that makes any sense. | ||
| Well, she said as she was going in, I'm basically touching your brain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they did it again on my right nostril on Sunday, and it was nothing. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I really think I have a sensitive nostril. | ||
| Oh, that's weird. | ||
| Well, it's been broken. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This fucking nose is useless. | ||
| How many times? | ||
| Oh, who knows? | ||
| Broke it first when I was five. | ||
| Fell down to fly stairs when I was five. | ||
| Ow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| I've had broken noses ever since then. | ||
| Like, no bullshit. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like, seriously. | ||
| I've never broken my nose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever? | |
| Not once. | ||
| We can fix that. | ||
| Jamie can headbutt you. | ||
| We could film and make a great TikTok video. | ||
| That'd be great. | ||
| We'll go viral. | ||
| Have you broken anything? | ||
| The only thing I broke was I broke a collarbone, a rib once when I was surfing and learning to surf and it went right into my gut. | ||
| And then I broke the top of my foot, one of the bones on the top of my foot. | ||
| Those are weird, right? | ||
| Because you can't do shit about them. | ||
| Can't do anything. | ||
| Yeah, I broke that before too. | ||
| Except stop you from playing. | ||
| You just walk fucked up for a month and a half. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Did you break your collarbone or just your rib? | ||
| Just a rib. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Just a rib. | ||
| Yeah, I know a dude who had a fake collarbone. | ||
| He had a metal plate because his collarbone was so shattered in a motorcycle accident that they had to replace it. | ||
| So he had like a steel plate in place of his collarbone. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| He said it hurt like hell when it got cold out. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, because it's a metal piece in your fucking shoulder. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Collarbone's a weird one. | ||
| It is a strange one. | ||
| You know what's weird? | ||
| I've never seen anybody break it in all the years I've seen fights. | ||
| Wow, that's interesting because it's pretty delicate. | ||
| I would think so. | ||
| I remember someone saying that, like, if I was ever in a fight, I'd just punch someone in the collarbone. | ||
| I'm like, mm. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think that's going to work. | ||
| I love how everybody walks around just with their one move in their head. | ||
| And when that goes south, the look of panic in their face when it doesn't work. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'll just grab them by the balls and pull. | ||
| Dude, I woke up this morning and I spent the first hour of my day watching Russian slap fighting videos. | ||
| Of course you did. | ||
| It might be the dumbest thing that's going on today. | ||
| Slap fighting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh, is that when the two guys, it looks like they're going to arm wrestle? | ||
| They just stand in front of each other and they let each other slap each other in the face. | ||
| And first of all, whoever goes first has such a monster advantage. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Because they KO each other all the time. | ||
| These huge guys. | ||
| And they swing from the hip and the other guy doesn't even move. | ||
| And they open palm strike each other in the face. | ||
| I spent an hour today. | ||
| Is this new? | ||
| Or was this like an old Russian tradition? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know how long it's been around for. | ||
| I think the first time I watched it was like about a year or two ago, maybe. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But it was this morning. | ||
| It was the fucking... | ||
| To slap you right in the head. | ||
| It was the thing du jour. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| What makes you, when you wake up, think, you know, I'm going to look up... | ||
| Like when you first pick up your device. | ||
| Because I remember there was this one video of a bunch of people standing around. | ||
| And this guy slapped this guy and KO'd him. | ||
| And all the people that were standing around were like, wah! | ||
| And they thought it was cool. | ||
| I was like, that might be the only time where people think it's cool to be right next to someone who got violent brain trauma. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I was trying to find that video because it was such a strange video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because there was, I don't remember if there was a table or not. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| All the people were standing around and they were laughing and smiling while this guy went unconscious. | ||
| And I was like, that's so odd. | ||
| Do they not know that this is really bad? | ||
| Did some terrible thing just happen to this guy? | ||
| They think it's funny and they're laughing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| No idea. | ||
| Well, it's almost like it's not real because it's slapping, because it's not a punch. | ||
| Like, if he kicked him in the head, and the same thing happened, he goes unconscious and falls back, people are like, oh my god, oh my god, they'd be freaked out. | ||
| But instead, they slap each other, and everyone's like, ha ha! | ||
| Ha ha! | ||
| Like, what the fuck is that? | ||
| No sitting on the beach. | ||
| Ah! | ||
| Those are the people you're talking to. | ||
| Yeah, it was one of those weird things. | ||
| I'm like, how did this become okay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where you just... | ||
| Full brain trauma. | ||
| I mean, you can see their head snap. | ||
| You see their head wiggle and the brain sloshing around inside their noggin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's like in any fight, right? | ||
| If you're watching a fight. | ||
| What is this one here, Jamie? | ||
| Oh, here goes one. | ||
| This guy's 6'7 on the left. | ||
| He's a former MMA fighter from Brazil, it says. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| This is all Russia? | ||
| They put powder in their hands, too. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| He didn't even move. | ||
| Yeah, oh my goodness. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| They put a lot of fucking force into that too. | ||
| He is a rock. | ||
| Look at the size of his neck though. | ||
| This guy's, why do they powder up their hands? | ||
| He has no neck. | ||
| To show the mark? | ||
| Take the sweat off? | ||
| Look at this, here we go. | ||
| They're mic'd up too. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh, he took it. | ||
| Why do they... | ||
| I don't understand why they're looking at the powder. | ||
| I don't understand why they're doing it. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| He slid his ear down. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Back that up. | ||
| There's rules. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| He is right. | ||
| He slid his ear down. | ||
| He slid his ear down. | ||
| It was a foul. | ||
| It was a foul. | ||
| He slid his... | ||
| Oh, because you can't mess with the guy's ear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You could probably say he moved his head down when he was in mid-swing. | ||
| When I was a young slapper, one of the techniques would be get his ear and bring it down towards the chin. | ||
| Oh, they have rules. | ||
| Okay, let me see the rules here. | ||
| Okay, one more time. | ||
| Wait, they're not barbarians. | ||
| He's going to smack them again. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| They're also doing this in a prison, by the way. | ||
| Oh, of course they are. | ||
| He looks fucked up there. | ||
| He's spitting a tooth out. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| He looks like he's spitting something out. | ||
| Oh, he got rocked. | ||
| Oh, do you need a doctor? | ||
| Do you need a doctor? | ||
| He asked him. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| How do you ask someone? | ||
| And they shake hands. | ||
| Now we're cool. | ||
| Shake hands. | ||
| Smelling salts. | ||
| He's got powdered sugar all over his face. | ||
| And now he's coming in for another hit. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| This is without being stay-at-home. | ||
| This is how bored they are. | ||
| Look at the swing. | ||
| He's a big dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Here it comes. | ||
| One, two... | ||
| Oh, my goodness. | ||
| He got him in the ear. | ||
| Is that all right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| What are the rules? | ||
| The guy's holding on to the desk for dear life. | ||
| Is that legal? | ||
| There's no rules. | ||
| It's 30 minutes. | ||
| It was strong. | ||
| He punched him really good. | ||
| He punched him really good. | ||
| These are the people you're going to explain. | ||
| They're getting points for successful hits. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I said one versus two earlier. | ||
| No, I just think they're just doing this until one guy drops. | ||
| Just a little chubby. | ||
| And I'm betting on the black eye. | ||
| He's taking these so much better. | ||
| The other guy seems like he's... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| There's so much force to that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| This is so crazy. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| It was good hit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was good. | |
| Smacked you in the face. | ||
| I love the trend. | ||
| And they're shaking hands. | ||
| I like it, bro. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Like what you did to me there. | ||
| Oh, look at the side of that guy's face. | ||
| Look, he's sweating. | ||
| He's purple. | ||
| He's sweating. | ||
| He knows he's going out. | ||
| Look at him gripping the table. | ||
| Look at him gripping the table. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| He knows it's like a truck about to hit him in the head. | ||
| This is the rap right here. | ||
| He ain't gonna make this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eee! | |
| Wow, he's still there. | ||
| He's holding on for dear life. | ||
| He's still there. | ||
| Barely. | ||
| Thumbs up. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| Yes, okay. | ||
| I closed my eyes. | ||
| I closed my eyes. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| You scared the shot out of me. | ||
| What? | ||
| Scared the shot out? | ||
| It might be a bad translation. | ||
| No, it's perfect. | ||
| That's how you said it. | ||
| It's 3-3. | ||
| That means there are three hits in each side. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| They're like holding them up. | ||
| So you take three shots the same place. | ||
| Have you ever been slapped in the face before? | ||
| Not like that. | ||
| Oh my god, it's horrible. | ||
| Oh, this keeps going for a while. | ||
| How long? | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| This is a 30 minute video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Someone's going out. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Scooch that up. | ||
| His flight last... | ||
| Yeah, that's where I was trying to get to the end. | ||
| I think that was it. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think anyone went out. | ||
| They gave up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| It was a great fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a great fight. | |
| And look how you slapped me, I slapped you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You slapped me, I slapped you. | |
| We slapped very good. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't betray MMA. Oh, I'm so happy to take part in this show. | |
| Interesting format, but I can't betray MMA. I am such a successful sportsman, and I know how to fight right. | ||
| Thank you so much for invitation. | ||
| It was an honor to fight against such a legend. | ||
| He is your champ. | ||
| I would love to come back. | ||
| So apparently... | ||
| He flew in. | ||
| He flew in to smack the Russian guy, and the Russian guy smacked him back. | ||
| And he earned respect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Respect! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There's so many of these videos, man. | ||
| You could do this all day. | ||
| You could just watch guys slap each other all day. | ||
| Do they get knocked out a lot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And when they do, it's spectacular. | ||
| Put up the one that I put on my Instagram today, because that one is a dude who has his eyeballs tattooed. | ||
| I was trying to see if they got money for that. | ||
| They got a 150,000 ruble prize. | ||
| Oh, that's like $30. | ||
| $2,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to see. | |
| Put up the one from my Instagram today. | ||
| There's one enormous guy and another guy looks like he might have lifted weights once in high school. | ||
| Once. | ||
| It's such a mismatch. | ||
| Whoever sanctioned this is a real asshole because they got this kid. | ||
| It's the same guy. | ||
| Yeah, back it up. | ||
| Back it up. | ||
| Oh yeah, the same dude. | ||
| Okay, just play it again because watch this guy. | ||
| He has no force. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| It's a drive-by. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| So this guy apparently is the champ. | ||
| So he bitch slapped the champ. | ||
| They let him get the first slap. | ||
| And that was like a little lady slap. | ||
| But watch what Homeboy does to him. | ||
| This is horrific. | ||
| This is horrific. | ||
| First of all, look how little that guy is. | ||
| He's so little. | ||
| Look at his neck. | ||
| Why does he look so weird? | ||
| Because he's got tattoos everywhere and his eyeballs are tattooed. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| So look at his eyeballs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro. | |
| That guy doesn't remember anything about childhood now. | ||
| All that stuff's been erased. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| He's like an etch-a-sketch that you shake. | ||
| You wanna clear the screen? | ||
| One more time. | ||
| Watch this again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| Little slap. | ||
| He slept me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I barely notice. | |
| Slep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now watch. | |
| The fucking thunderous boom. | ||
| These guys know how to do it, too. | ||
| That guy hit it. | ||
| Yeah, he really does. | ||
| He hit it with the fingers. | ||
| He weighs like 500 pounds. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| He's slapping with the fingers, where the other guy is going to use the palm of his hand. | ||
| He's going to really catch him. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| He's kidding. | ||
| It looks like his head came off. | ||
| Yeah, it looks like he's shot. | ||
| It looks like he's been shot. | ||
| When his hat falls off, it's like his head just exploded. | ||
| Oh, teeth are coming out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, good Lord. | |
| Imagine that guy. | ||
| First of all, that guy looks like he's never even punched someone. | ||
| The way he did it was so... | ||
| Yeah, he's like a little kid. | ||
| He looks like a skater kid. | ||
| He's a sad guy. | ||
| That's why he's got all those fucked up tattoos on his face and everything. | ||
| He's probably emotionally disturbed. | ||
| And they talked him into it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My friend, you could be greatest slap fighter of all time. | |
| You could be the one. | ||
| Did you see that Street Fight video going around the last two days? | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| No, what you should see is my friend Robin Black's takedown of it. | ||
| Put up Robin Black's from his Instagram because he had some great lines in it. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| This is fucking two dudes who look like they're all methed out. | ||
| They get in a street fight. | ||
| Here, play it. | ||
| Give me some volume on this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Robin Black, one minute breakdown. | |
| Neighborhood karate. | ||
| Shirtless Steve versus street. | ||
| Steve, shirtless skip kick. | ||
| Toppa-toppa blocked. | ||
| Big, big, big five punch combination with a round kick chaser. | ||
| And now for the street elegance. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bink? | |
| What the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Modified spinning crescent kick to a bevy of punches, including the gin fizz uppercut that stuns shirtless Steve. | |
| And now, Bink. | ||
| Lay for damage for the win. | ||
| Shirtless Steve assumed the after-school Shodokan stance versus the Street Steve tournament karate special. | ||
| An unfocused entry brings Steve into range for the street surge and the acid reflux special. | ||
| Boop. | ||
| More knuckles plus a converse kick. | ||
| Now behold the spin. | ||
| Full rotation of the body. | ||
| He'll look over his shoulder, find the target, and fire off a spinning hook kick. | ||
| But years of meth and inactivity will bind the hips, so he'll settle for the crescent kick. | ||
| Another angle? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| There's two angles. | ||
| Oh, years? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The instincts are still strong in Steve. | |
| The guy gets kicked in the face, he's like, uh-oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Christine Uppercut, and now the finisher. | |
| No, wait. | ||
| False start. | ||
| Let's line this bastard up. | ||
| Last call for liver delivery. | ||
| Bink. | ||
| That's right, friends. | ||
| We're living in a world of total documentation. | ||
| We've got the overhead cam. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| The street fight has two angles, but I love years of meth and inactivity behind the hips. | ||
| Because Robin Black, my friend who did this video, who did the narration, he does real breakdowns of actual fights. | ||
| He's a martial arts expert. | ||
| He knows what he's doing. | ||
| Yeah, so the fact that he does this occasionally, he does them for everything. | ||
| He'll do it for like bugs fighting. | ||
| He does it for all kinds of shit. | ||
| But he'll also do it for like world-class fights. | ||
| He does them for Bellator. | ||
| Oh my god, it's hilarious. | ||
| Years of inactivity and meth will bind the hips. | ||
| I was gonna ask if he did the murder hornet and praying mantis and he did do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| He did? | ||
| Oh, put it on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I haven't seen it. | |
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| These murder hornets are bad news. | ||
| Praying mantises fuck up everything. | ||
| We're lucky they're little. | ||
| They would kill us all. | ||
| It's gonna beat the murder hornet? | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| What? | ||
| Pang Mantis has beat up everything. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They kill rats. | |
| Kung Fu Mantis versus Murder Hornet. | ||
| Look how quickly. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kung Fu Mantis will dominate by exploiting a structural truth of Murder Hornet's anatomical shape. | |
| The connective path of Hornet's head, thorax, and abdomen create a curve with directional limitations for movement. | ||
| By gripping the outer curve, Kung Fu Mantis stays beyond and behind stinging distance. | ||
| Reach as he might, Murder Hornet simply cannot inject his venom into Kung Fu Mantis. | ||
| The Mantis just has him. | ||
| - Wow. - Free his head, but Mantis adjusts his grip, slicing with his tibial spines to regain his positional preeminence. | ||
| My friends, this is not for the faint of heart. | ||
| In nature, the flesh and tissues of one feeds the body of another. | ||
| Kung Fu Mantis is dining on Murder Hornet, eating him alive. | ||
| Mantis eats in a quest to simply continue his existence and Murder Hornet continues to thrash to preserve his. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Even as his sentience leaves him, his instincts of self-preservation are powerful. | ||
| A mighty reach with his weapon and a search for leverage or texture wherever it may exist. | ||
| He's going right through the head. | ||
| He's just eating his head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Life leaves one to strengthen the other. | |
| Crazy. | ||
| Eyeball first. | ||
| He's ate his whole head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But meanwhile the bee's still alive. | |
| It's eating like a corn on the cob. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like an apple. | |
| I don't know if I feel good that murder hornets can get schooled or that prey mantises exist. | ||
| I love both things. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| We need to just make more mantises and release them on these fucking pussy-ass murder hornets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy cow. | ||
| Dude, praying mantises are goddamn terrifying. | ||
| They get everything. | ||
| They get everything. | ||
| You ever seen them get hummingbirds? | ||
| He didn't even think for a second. | ||
| He just got it. | ||
| Yeah, he's like, bitch, what? | ||
| Yeah, it was one move. | ||
| They have so much leverage in those claws, those weird fucking shaped things. | ||
| Those weird shaped things are just designed to hold shit so they can cut it in half. | ||
| And eat its head. | ||
| It eats hummingbirds? | ||
| They eat hummingbirds. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Here, watch this. | ||
| So this hummingbird doesn't know what that is. | ||
| It just sings, oh, I'm bigger than you and I'm just hanging out. | ||
| And this thing's on the bird feeder, but I'm sure it's nothing. | ||
| Nothing to worry about. | ||
| And watch how it moves. | ||
| Watch how quick it is. | ||
| The praying mantis is just arms cocked. | ||
| But the movement. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Oh! | ||
| It got a hummingbird by its head! | ||
| It doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| They're so strong. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Praying mantises are so strong. | ||
| His back legs are just hanging on the bird feeder and his front is eating a bird. | ||
| Yeah, and just drop down with it. | ||
| Now, here's the thing. | ||
| If you had arms, like proportionate arms, like look how small the arms are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You would imagine like, God, they can't be strong. | ||
| They have to be weak. | ||
| They're levers. | ||
| They're levers and also they're insect levers with an exoskeleton. | ||
| And they have preposterous amounts of strength relative to their size. | ||
| Like, have you ever seen ants carry things off? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it's ridiculous. | ||
| They're so much stronger proportionately than we are. | ||
| And we are so lucky. | ||
| Do you remember Starship Troopers? | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| This guy's getting involved in the action. | ||
| Yeah, the guy saved the hummingbird's life. | ||
| The little points of contact for its little legs to be holding on to that. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Plus the bird's trying to fly away and it's like, you're staying here. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, no bitch. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They're so strong. | ||
| That is insanity! | ||
| You don't realize how strong they are until, you see, we have this thing in our head where we see something and we think of ourselves and we think of like size, oh that's probably weaker than the other thing that's its size. | ||
| Because we would compare ourselves. | ||
| But have you ever been around a chimpanzee? | ||
| Have you ever like had a chimp, touch a chimp, like a baby? | ||
| No. | ||
| On news radio once, we had a baby chimp, and it had diapers. | ||
| It was like two years old, and it was there for some scene that we wind up not even using. | ||
| But I played with this chimp, and so I'm holding him, and it's really heavy, like this little thing, but feels like it's made out of wood. | ||
| Like, it's so dense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Solid, yeah. | |
| And that's where I had it in my head, and then it was hitting me in the back, and I was like, oh my god. | ||
| You know, it was playing with me, but I was like, this is so strong. | ||
| And this is a baby, a little baby. | ||
| But it gives you this understanding, like, oh, I have a distorted idea of what it is. | ||
| Because I think it's like me, but little. | ||
| What strong is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But it's not. | |
| It's a totally different kind of thing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like the density of its tissue. | ||
| It's made of monkey parts. | ||
| It's made of preposterously strong material. | ||
| Jeez Louise. | ||
| And that ain't shit compared to a praying mantis. | ||
| If a praying mantis was the size of a chimp, the chimp would be fucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what's weird about them. | ||
| We're lucky they're little. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember Starship Troopers? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were like giant praying mantises that killed everybody. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Remember the bugs? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Those giant bugs that came out of the ground. | ||
| They basically were like a giant praying mantis or a beetle or some shit. | ||
| What were the bugs like? | ||
| I don't remember what they looked like. | ||
| I just remember them being giant. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Bro, it literally is a giant mantis. | ||
| Yeah, he's got levers. | ||
| Oh, so different kinds of bugs. | ||
| Yeah, they're like beetles. | ||
| They had all kinds. | ||
| This was a movie in the 90s or something, right? | ||
| Yeah, 97. Yeah. | ||
| Whatever happened to that dude who was the head guy? | ||
| Casper Vendium, I think so. | ||
| He's maybe one of the most handsome people that ever walked to face the earth. | ||
| He's so perfect. | ||
| What happened to him? | ||
| He's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, look at him. | ||
| Oh yeah, I remember that dude. | ||
| That's him now, even now, today, at age 51. Starship Troopers 2017. There was a Starship Troopers 2017? | ||
| Look at how many there are. | ||
| There was Starship Troopers 3? | ||
| There's a lot of them, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Come on! | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| And he was in all of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Show me a video from Starship Troopers 2017. I need to see that. | ||
| Is there a video? | ||
| Traitor of Mars. | ||
| Go to videos. | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| Oh boy, it's in Mars. | ||
| Oh no, it's a cartoon. | ||
| Oh, it's fake. | ||
| You fake fucks. | ||
| Oh, is it a video game? | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's just a CGI. Oh, it's just a CGI movie. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Oh, the whole movie. | ||
| Oh, it's like the beginning of a video game. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that a CGI movie now is actually cheaper than doing a movie with CGI? You can do the whole thing in CGI now? | ||
| Like that. | ||
| That's how they're making movies right now, because you can't go into production. | ||
| Oh, that's going to be the death of all actors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many actors are losing their fucking minds now? | ||
| They're so fragile as it is. | ||
| It's got to be weird. | ||
| Imagine if you were dating a crazy actress, and she was hot, but you stuck around, but even though you knew she was a mess, and now the quarantine, there's no auditions, she's just going crazy. | ||
| All the real hair colors coming out. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Hey, thanks for signing my book, Joe. | ||
| I didn't sign your book, Joe. | ||
| I mean, no, but you put a quote on the back. | ||
| Oh, that's right, I did. | ||
| And it comes out today, right? | ||
| It comes out today. | ||
| You just segued into book sales, did you? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I did. | ||
| It means a lot. | ||
| It means a lot that you did this. | ||
| Oh, please, I love you. | ||
| It says you're doing great? | ||
| Yep, you're doing great. | ||
| And other reasons to stay alive. | ||
| Yeah, you are. | ||
| It's just relative. | ||
| Some people are doing great. | ||
| Well, not everybody. | ||
| And other reasons to stay alive. | ||
| I had no idea how relevant it was going to be when I wrote it. | ||
| I'm in lofty company here on the book. | ||
| Patton Oswalt, Matt Damon, and Whitney Cummings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You have some powerful friends. | ||
| All good people. | ||
| Dude, this is a real long book. | ||
| How long did it take you to write this bitch? | ||
| A year and a half. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How many pages? | |
| About 300. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're doing great and other reasons to stay alive. | ||
| I had to do the audiobook. | ||
| I had to sneak in during quarantine. | ||
| How'd you sneak in? | ||
| It was like the first week, and I had to drive to a secret location and go in and read the book, and I had my Apple Watch on. | ||
| Did you do it illegally? | ||
| I guess technically. | ||
| You had an Apple Watch on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| What happened then? | ||
| It alerted me when I got there. | ||
| That what? | ||
| That I should be staying home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Cut the shit! | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| What'd it say? | ||
| It said, uh, reminder, stay-at-home order. | ||
| Everybody stay at home. | ||
| So your watch is kind of ratting you out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Time to switch to Samsung. | ||
| I know. | ||
| As soon as I got there, because I felt weird going anyway, but I had to get the audio book done. | ||
| It was just going to be me and the producer with a mask on. | ||
| And I got to the spot, and I was driving, and it was like, you know, the first couple of days, so it was really quiet out there. | ||
| There was nobody... | ||
| And I'm just cruising along and park in the parking lot, go into the thing, and bling on my watch. | ||
| Reminder, stay at home order. | ||
| If you were in your car, Tesla would have argued with it. | ||
| Shut up, person. | ||
| We're trying to make America great. | ||
| We challenge you. | ||
| You're infringing on my civil liberties. | ||
| Let me out. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| But it was weird, because I was reading the book. | ||
| You know, you have to read your whole book in, like, two days. | ||
| Sorry to go back. | ||
| And there were parts of the book that were, like, so on point of what's going on. | ||
| Like, I talk about this thing about animals coming to attack us. | ||
| Like, I always run into animals that are attacking me. | ||
| And then I get the whole last... | ||
| I don't want to start talking about germs. | ||
| E. coli, Ebola, all these germs we haven't heard of yet coming for us that we don't have antibiotics for. | ||
| Stuff like that. | ||
| I do this whole run on cruise ships. | ||
| You're never going to get me on one of those cruise ships. | ||
| They're filled with disease and I'm reading the book in pandemic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy! | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Tim Dillon was here a couple weeks ago and had an epic rant on cruise ships. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| We found out while he was here that it costs $25 a week to be on one of those cruise ships. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It costs $25 a week. | ||
| For someone to be on? | ||
| Isn't that what it was? | ||
| It was like $100 for a four-day cruise. | ||
| It was like $25 a day. | ||
| Normally it was like $1,000 or $2,000 or something crazy. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It was like $100. | ||
| It was more than a four-day cruise. | ||
| It was like five to seven. | ||
| It's like Mexico or wherever it was. | ||
| So, okay, we broke it down to how many dollars it was a day. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it was like... | ||
| I'm confused, though. | ||
| It was less than $20 a day, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| What the cost of what you do? | ||
| To be on a cruise ship. | ||
| It's better than being homeless. | ||
| We're like, how many homeless people just go on a cruise ship because it's all you can eat? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You could really get fat. | ||
| You could go crazy and get fat. | ||
| Because apparently, I bet, if I had to guess, I've never been on a cruise ship, but I think that the way they make their money is the booze, right? | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure. | ||
| So they trick you into going. | ||
| Oh, and you have to pay for the booze? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I don't think they can give you free booze. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You probably get like one drink for free. | ||
| Right, like a drink ticket. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you're just on... | ||
| Once you start going on a bender, you just rack up that credit card. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They're disgusting without a pandemic. | ||
| I've never been on one. | ||
| I've never had a desire to be on one. | ||
| My kids wanted to go on one. | ||
| There's a Disney cruise. | ||
| I'm like, fuck off! | ||
| You don't know shit. | ||
| You're six. | ||
| We're not going on a goddamn Disney cruise. | ||
| I go to Disneyland and you can leave when you want. | ||
| You go on a cruise and you're stuck in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of wackos? | ||
| Did you ever hear that comedian that came on the boat after the last entertainer molested somebody, sexually assaulted someone up on deck, so they wouldn't let the performers up on deck? | ||
| What? | ||
| An entertainer, some other comic or somebody got a little handsy. | ||
| It was locked down. | ||
| So this guy shows up. | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| A comedian shows up on the boat and he's told, you can't go above deck. | ||
| You've got to stay down in the quarters with the crew. | ||
| So he has to stay in his room, in his quarters, and his room opened up and the stage door was across the hallway. | ||
| So he was just sitting down there for days. | ||
| Then they came, knocked on the door, time to perform. | ||
| He walks out onto stage in front of a thousand people. | ||
| Good night, everybody. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| He goes back into his hole like a hamster. | ||
| Like a rodeo. | ||
| Oh my god, what comic was that? | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| Oh my god, that's awful. | ||
| Oh, so brutal. | ||
| I would never, ever, ever, couldn't do it. | ||
| The only person I know who enjoys those is Alonzo. | ||
| But Alonzo Bowden does jazz cruises. | ||
| Yes, I know. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's totally, and he hangs out with the musicians. | ||
| Yes, he loves jazz. | ||
| Loves it. | ||
| So for him, it's like, you know, like if you went on a bacon cruise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's different. | |
| If you went on a bread cruise, it's all just the best bread makers in the world. | ||
| I would do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you? | |
| I probably would. | ||
| How many great bread makers are there? | ||
| Could you fill up a cruise ship? | ||
| You couldn't, but you could fill it up with the people who want to learn. | ||
| You definitely could do that. | ||
| Right, so it could be like baking lessons and then just the bakers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My social media has just been bread tutorials since the pandemic. | ||
| Really? | ||
| All my whole feed. | ||
| Because I just, before it happened, this is a plug for my YouTube, I put all my videos on YouTube showing people how to bake bread. | ||
| Because from doing this show, everybody was like, considers me this bread maker. | ||
| You're the bread guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I put up this, I just put up these tutorials of how to make it. | ||
| And then the pandemic hit and people couldn't get yeast. | ||
| So they just started flooding to my YouTube and sending pictures. | ||
| Now every day I get pictures. | ||
| Thanks, Tom. | ||
| Here's my first effort. | ||
| People like one-on-one like, why do you come out flat? | ||
| And I feel like I should answer them. | ||
| So I changed my whole podcast. | ||
| My whole podcast now is Breaking Bread with Tom. | ||
| I talked to you about this. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You've got to come on it. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| I used Segura was the first one. | ||
| Was he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| And it just went up. | ||
| So are you filming at the All Things Comedy Place? | ||
| We're going to. | ||
| Where are you filming at now? | ||
| Well, right now, Tom and I did it remotely. | ||
| We had cameras on both of us. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| You need to get together. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who's the pussy? | |
| I did Alonzo. | ||
| Who's scared of germs? | ||
| Tom. | ||
| I think it was a scheduling thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe it's Tom. | ||
| I would have done it. | ||
| I had just gotten tested by you. | ||
| Yes, thank God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Alonzo had also. | ||
| So Alonzo and I did one. | ||
| That's going to come out next week. | ||
| And I'm just going to create a set. | ||
| You know, remember Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live, the You Look Marvelous guy? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he's just in that Italian booth at Musso and Frank's. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's going to be my set. | ||
| I'm just going to... | ||
| Because it's breaking bread. | ||
| It's just sitting like an old Italian restaurant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we sit with food and wine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| It's going to be like... | ||
| You look marvelous. | ||
| I think I'm going to do it like that. | ||
| I forgot how fun that was, that you look marvelous thing. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| He was so funny. | ||
| That was like when I was a child. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We were kids. | ||
| Remember when he had Howard Cosell on? | ||
| In the 80s. | ||
| 81, maybe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Was it really? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| He had Howard Cosell as a great one. | ||
| I just love that set. | ||
| I love that... | ||
| 85. So that's the year I graduated high school. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Right before me. | ||
| 17 years old. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Little baby. | ||
| You look marvelous. | ||
| You look marvelous. | ||
| Billy Crystal. | ||
| He was a handsome little fellow when he was young, wasn't he? | ||
| He was. | ||
| Look at that face. | ||
| He really was. | ||
| Remember that movie he did about the really depressing comedian, Mr. Saturday Night? | ||
| Oh, Mr. Saturday Night, yes. | ||
| I hated it. | ||
| I remember I went to see it. | ||
| I was on the road, and I went to see it during the daytime before the show by myself. | ||
| I remember leaving going, this is not how comedians are. | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you hanging out with, Billy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Most of my friends are comedians. | ||
| Like, this is the thing. | ||
| That was the movie. | ||
| There's a thing about comedians that people always want to think that we're depressed and angry in real life. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| Very dark people. | ||
| But isn't that a weird stereotype? | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| Think about all the people that we know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's think about Segura and Alonzo. | ||
| Okay, you and I, if we were talking with no camera, we would talk just like this. | ||
| No different. | ||
| We would be talking shit. | ||
| We would be laughing. | ||
| Absolutely no different. | ||
| We're not brooding. | ||
| I'm not a brooding guy. | ||
| No. | ||
| And I know there are a few, but I think they're the minority. | ||
| I think so, too. | ||
| I'm thinking about the guys that I hang with in New York, like Colin and Norton and Robert Kelly and those guys. | ||
| And they're a little darker, but I would say what people think is that everyone's brooding and dark. | ||
| But I mean, they're the most joyful people. | ||
| When I hang with them, it's nothing but laughs. | ||
| They're complicated, though. | ||
| Yeah, well, Norton's very complicated. | ||
| Comedians are complicated, right? | ||
| They're busy heads. | ||
| Well, Norton is complicated, and Norton also spent a long time on the Opie and Anthony show, which was the whole thing about that show was being a wreck. | ||
| That was the hook. | ||
| It was talking shit. | ||
| It was a shit-talking fest. | ||
| I mean, people said the most preposterous things just to get a reaction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something about those days where, you know, especially the early 2000s and the late 90s, I guess, people said the most awful things to make other comics laugh. | ||
| And if you took that stuff out of context... | ||
| That's a gross thing that people do, that little gotcha thing where people like to take things that someone said on one of those shows out of context. | ||
| I'm sure Norton has said a bunch of horrific things that he wished he never said, but he said them so that when you or I or Patrice or Bill Burr or Anthony, we would all be laughing. | ||
| But it's not because he means it. | ||
| There's a real grossness to that sort of going after people for old, ridiculous things they said on radio shows like that. | ||
| Especially comedians. | ||
| Especially that kind of culture, like you're saying. | ||
| The whole thing was, it was like a roast every night. | ||
| Like a classic roast every night. | ||
| Which is, these are the hardest, these are the funniest people on the planet. | ||
| The only thing that's going to make them laugh is surprise. | ||
| And the only way to surprise them is to say something no one would say. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| No one! | ||
| You gotta go super hard. | ||
| Yeah, to surprise people. | ||
| Patrice O'Neill with something comedically, you've got to reach deep. | ||
| You want to shock Norton? | ||
| Yeah, right, exactly. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| And the other offensive part of that got you kind of thing, which I don't think these guys have had to... | ||
| I don't think they've come after them so much. | ||
| But anyway, I think... | ||
| When you hung with them, when you were there, it was love. | ||
| It was just pure love. | ||
| These guys cared about each other so deeply and would say the most horrible... | ||
| You would say something to Rich Voss that was like, what are you doing? | ||
| He was the guy that was always the nail. | ||
| Some people were the hammer. | ||
| Voss was almost always the nail. | ||
| But he relished it. | ||
| Talk about a naturally funny human being. | ||
| He is so quick. | ||
| So quick, so naturally funny, and also takes a joke as good as anybody that's ever lived. | ||
| Takes it right on the chin like those slap-fighting guys. | ||
| And I don't know friends that loved each other more than Norton to Voss to Colin to Robert. | ||
| No. | ||
| That was a special time, the O.B. and Anthony Davis. | ||
| It was really special. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It definitely dipped into stuff. | ||
| Like, if you just rolled into that show out of context in your car when it was on terrestrial radio... | ||
| I'm sure it must have spun people's heads around. | ||
| Well, some people came in as guests and didn't understand it. | ||
| And I was there for a few of those. | ||
| And it was horrendous for them. | ||
| I remember watching these sort of sitcom-y actors who didn't know it was coming. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| On their press tour. | ||
| Especially once they had gotten over to Sirius XM and it was just like fucking no-holes barred, language, everything. | ||
| And then there were people that would come on who were surprisingly cool, like Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer would come on. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| So cool, roll with the punches kind of guys. | ||
| I'm really good friends with Dr. Phil's son. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Dr. Phil is great. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| I would have never imagined. | ||
| He is the easiest going, nicest guy. | ||
| I had him on the podcast. | ||
| He's fucking great. | ||
| Yeah, that's the vibe. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I was on the show with him, like in the later years. | ||
| And yeah, he seemed like a very cool guy. | ||
| He's a lot of fun. | ||
| What did he catch with the beginning of the Corona stuff? | ||
| There was a lot of... | ||
| They were saying that he was one of the guys that they were saying isn't a scientist, and he made some comments. | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He said something... | ||
| Maybe he was about that on the side of this isn't a... | ||
| We shouldn't be overreacting, I think is the gist of it. | ||
| Well, he's a psychologist, right? | ||
| Yeah, which is probably the mental health maybe of what the lockdown would cause, something like that. | ||
| I think if you want to look at things from a psychologist's perspective, I want to talk to a psychologist about the mindset of people that panic in pandemics. | ||
| Because this is, I mean, when it comes to pandemics, this is a fairly mild one. | ||
| I mean, I hate to say that to anybody that lost loved ones or anybody that's currently sick. | ||
| It's not to be... | ||
| Insensitive about that. | ||
| But the reality of the past, when you look at the Black Plague or the Spanish Flu or any of the horrendous ones that people went through before, this one's fairly mild in comparison. | ||
| If unchecked, would this be as dangerous as the Spanish Flu? | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at the number of people that are asymptomatic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is unchecked. | ||
| Like 78% of the people that contact this are asymptomatic. | ||
| That's one of the shocking stats that I see on Katie Couric. | ||
| Instagram, she puts just this fact sheet up every day, and it's really just useful, just numbers. | ||
| The shocking number is the number of people who beat it, who had it, were hospitalized, and are fine from it. | ||
| It's a huge number. | ||
| I have eight friends that have got it. | ||
| The only one that was hospitalized is Michael Yeo. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Michael Yeo got it pretty bad. | ||
| I think he beat himself up. | ||
| I think his body was beaten down. | ||
| And I think it's a wake-up call to us. | ||
| One of the things that I'm noticing from not traveling is I feel so much better. | ||
| Dude, I can't tell you. | ||
| I've been thinking, like, I can't believe what I was doing for the last 20 years. | ||
| I can. | ||
| No! | ||
| Hardcore, up at 4 a.m., on the plane, flying in, connecting, getting on stage, pounding out two hours of material, get up 4 o'clock the next day, next city, boom, boom, for 20 years. | ||
| Yep, doing radio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can't... | |
| I'm starting to think about... | ||
| I used to ride a motorcycle. | ||
| And when you're in it and riding the bike all the time, it makes perfect sense. | ||
| It's safe. | ||
| It seems like you're manageable. | ||
| You stay off that bike for two years. | ||
| You're like, I'm never getting on a bike again. | ||
| That's the most insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was wrong with me? | |
| What was wrong with me? | ||
| I'm starting to think that with travel for stand-up. | ||
| I'm like, was I insane? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I will go back to it. | ||
| I'm kind of thinking it a little, too. | ||
| I've actually talked to a couple of my friends about this. | ||
| I might do a residency in LA. Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smart. | |
| Like, get a theater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get a theater, like a 500-seat theater, and just bang out weekends there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| Might not be a bad idea. | ||
| It's a really good idea. | ||
| I mean, Seinfeld did that at the Beacon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would just do like two weekends a month. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| Oh, please. | ||
| With the amount of people that live in this area? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people fly in. | ||
| Look, we get that at the comedy store all the time. | ||
| I've run into people all the time at the comedy store. | ||
| Wow, we flew in from Australia. | ||
| We flew in from Ireland. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People, they fly in from all over the world because they know that the comedy store is there. | ||
| And you can go there on a Tuesday night and see some insane lineups. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| And this is, I mean, that's the one thing about our economy locally that's really devastating is tourists. | ||
| I didn't realize how, I always think just show business here, it's tourism. | ||
| The people that come here every single, millions of people every year. | ||
| I know, then you could have a residency, you don't have to bang it. | ||
| And I'm also thinking, Tour a little more. | ||
| I mean, I'm talking out of my ass because when people call and give me an offer, I go. | ||
| But I think if I could tour like a band and be like, I'm going out in the fall. | ||
| I'm going September through Thanksgiving. | ||
| That's my tour. | ||
| And then I'm home. | ||
| Have you ramped up touring over the last few years at all? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| When did you start ramping it up? | ||
| I would say the last five years. | ||
| The last five years. | ||
| When I started selling bigger places and starting to do theaters. | ||
| Started getting that cheddar, baby. | ||
| Yeah, it was like you fight your whole life to be able to play a theater. | ||
| And then once that started happening, I was just, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I remember the first time I ever sold out a theater. | ||
| It was the craziest feeling ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember pulling into the parking lot. | ||
| This is not even a comedy club. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is a theater. | ||
| Like there's bands come here. | ||
| Surreal. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You see the people on the walls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you see all these people that don't work with comedy clubs like, you know, the security people and the sound guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, hey, what's up, man? | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Dan, Joe. | ||
| Nice to meet you. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Do you need anything? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Just a stool? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, cool. | |
| They're so happy. | ||
| They're so used to people coming in with real demands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're used to being treated like shit for years. | ||
| You're just like... | ||
| And they're all there to see you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's weird. | ||
| It's special. | ||
| It makes it a show. | ||
| It makes it feel like a real show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It feels... | ||
| The most surreal arenas. | ||
| That's the most surreal. | ||
| Yeah, I can't imagine. | ||
| You should come with me in one. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| If we ever get allowed to do it again. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure we could do one in Florida this weekend if we wanted to. | ||
| Well, you can in Kansas City. | ||
| You can? | ||
| Yeah, Missouri's allowing concerts. | ||
| Concerts? | ||
| Right now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Let's go! | ||
| And are they going? | ||
| Are people buying tickets? | ||
| I have no idea, but apparently Missouri just passed a thing. | ||
| I saw it through a trusted source, Lil Duvall's Instagram page. | ||
| That's a trusted source for sure. | ||
| But yeah, it said that Missouri's allowing concerts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's all going to come back. | ||
| It is going to come back. | ||
| It will. | ||
| But you've got to wonder how many people like you or I who are looking at our life now going, okay, well, what am I doing? | ||
| Am I going to keep doing this and beat myself up? | ||
| Because I just did it Saturday, right? | ||
| I flew to Florida Saturday, and then I flew back home first flight Sunday morning. | ||
| So I was back home at like 10 a.m. | ||
| on Sunday. | ||
| But then I got an IV bag. | ||
| I got a vitamin bag of IV. Smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I got another COVID test. | ||
| I said, just give me a test. | ||
| I know everyone was tested at the UFC. They were very stringent with the testing. | ||
| You have to have a wristband to get there. | ||
| I go, but just fucking hit me with another test. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not that bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I was thinking before the IV bag, because the IV bag made me feel pretty good. | ||
| I was like, what am I doing? | ||
| Am I going to keep doing this? | ||
| Why am I going to keep doing this? | ||
| Well, because we love performing and people want to see you and it's what we do. | ||
| Fly to LA, bitch. | ||
| I'm going to be at a theater. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I still do some. | ||
| I'll still do a bunch. | ||
| I'm still going to go. | ||
| I know I'm going to go, but I don't know. | ||
| And it sounds so... | ||
| The only reason I hesitate is because my kids are a little older. | ||
| And, I mean, I didn't have the freedom to do it early when they were little. | ||
| I'm saying, like, I should have stayed home when they were little, but that's when I was coming up and, you know, had to go. | ||
| And I do love it. | ||
| I have to say, when you're in the rhythm of... | ||
| It's only, again, it's the motorcycle. | ||
| It's the distance of it that makes it seem crazy. | ||
| When I was in the middle of it, It was just what I did. | ||
| Maybe you could do it Ron White style if you had your own Tom Papa jet. | ||
| You say what he does? | ||
| He's got his own jet. | ||
| Ron White's got a jet. | ||
| There was that great scene, I think I've mentioned this on the show, the Ray Charles movie with Jamie Foxx. | ||
| I didn't see that. | ||
| Maybe I did and I forgot. | ||
| And when he redoes his contract, he puts a jet in it as part of the contract because the phrasing was somewhat conveying that because the travel's going to kill you. | ||
| That's the thing that kills you. | ||
| Is the travel on your own jet going to kill you less? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Ask Ron. | ||
| You're cutting down days. | ||
| When I would tour with Seinfeld, I would be home after doing a gig in Atlanta. | ||
| I would be home in New York earlier than the guys doing sets at the Cellar and coming home. | ||
| Because you'd fly that night. | ||
| Fly that night! | ||
| You're home. | ||
| You're home. | ||
| Sleep in your own bed. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's a home. | ||
| Now you're not staying in the hotel. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're not having shitty sleep. | ||
| You're not going. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Of course you're going to live longer. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But, you know, it's so fun to go though. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| I love, I do, I'm in my yard and I, you know, there's not that many planes. | ||
| Going to Burbank now, which is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Almost none. | |
| Almost none. | ||
| It's like several a day kind of thing. | ||
| And they're like a little burst at night. | ||
| But when I hear them and I look up and I see the bottom of Alaska air, it looks like a whale's belly. | ||
| I'm like, oh, where are they going? | ||
| Are you going to go tell jokes? | ||
| I'll be with you guys soon. | ||
| How did the airline survive this? | ||
| How are they going to make it? | ||
| Well, they got a lot of dough. | ||
| I don't know how you... | ||
| Yeah, they did. | ||
| How much do they have? | ||
| I don't... | ||
| No, they got a... | ||
| The government helped them. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But I don't know... | ||
| Where's the government getting that money? | ||
| They just make it. | ||
| Well, why didn't they make it to fix the fucking impoverished neighborhoods? | ||
| Why didn't they fix all that? | ||
| They're not important. | ||
| They've been in quarantine. | ||
| That's not... | ||
| That's... | ||
| We're talking about... | ||
| Poor people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| No! | ||
| I don't know how you get back to operating an airline. | ||
| Right. | ||
| An airport. | ||
| How do we get back to? | ||
| Six feet apart at TSA. How is that going to happen? | ||
| The line's going to be up to San Francisco. | ||
| It's going to be insane. | ||
| It's going to be insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I didn't even think of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like when they're at full capacity. | ||
| How do you get through security? | ||
| When is it going to happen? | ||
| Are you going to have to go six hours before your flight to get through? | ||
| When can it happen? | ||
| I don't know, that part. | ||
| When can you do that again, like that? | ||
| Either vaccine or it ravaged the population, I guess. | ||
| Future air travel, four-hour process, self-check-in, disinfection, immunity passes. | ||
| Oh, fuck off. | ||
| Look at those outfits. | ||
| Four-hour process. | ||
| Four-hour process. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Come on. | ||
| Four hours? | ||
| Once airports borders open again, people are able to fly freely, a process already in play as airports of all sizes around the world Ready strategies to ensure healthy air travel. | ||
| How much are you ready to change your flying habits? | ||
| Oh my god, it's going to be terrible. | ||
| It could get a little bit less because this also then at the end says this might cause less people to then fly, which brings the lines down a little bit. | ||
| Right, but that's going to fuck everybody up because there's going to be less flights available. | ||
| Oh yeah, there already are. | ||
| Oh, yeah, right now, but this is in the middle of the quarantine. | ||
| Once the quarantine's lifted, when can you fly to Bozeman, Montana? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, no, exactly. | ||
| Travel's going to be... | ||
| My sister sent me an article of some guy had to take a flight for work, and everyone was saying, Oh, I'm so jealous you're getting to fly for work, and it's going to be empty, and it's going to be great. | ||
| And he said it was horrible, because... | ||
| People were tense and nervous on flights before and putting their things in the overhead and trying to get ahead of you in line. | ||
| Now people's nerves are so – it was like they didn't want to be near other people. | ||
| They once saw everyone else as a contagion and just like, get away from me. | ||
| The nervous energy of the experience was a real drag for them. | ||
| My friend Lex, he flew from Boston to do the show. | ||
| He was the only person on the plane. | ||
| It was a private plane just for him. | ||
| Whole plane. | ||
| He had a mask on. | ||
| One guy. | ||
| The stewardesses didn't even talk to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| There was no water, no nothing. | ||
| You don't get shit. | ||
| They don't even make contact to you. | ||
| They stay the fuck away from you. | ||
| Now, listen. | ||
| If it means that fewer people are going to be flying and we can go back to flying like it's in the 80s, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. | ||
| Yeah, but if you want to travel to places, you have to have a viable... | ||
| The airline has to have a reason to schedule a flight. | ||
| They have to be people traveling. | ||
| But don't you think it was a little maxed out before things got like... | ||
| Every flight. | ||
| When I started my career, there were empty seats on planes. | ||
| It wasn't a mad rush of humanity. | ||
| Are you prepared to pay more for plane tickets? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I used to have a joke in my act because of the crowd and stuff. | ||
| People say the airlines are expensive. | ||
| People say it's too expensive to fly. | ||
| I say, not expensive enough. | ||
| Let's keep it to business travel, and the family of six, they vacation locally. | ||
| It's time to ramp up your life. | ||
| I hope you're doing great, sells a lot, and you can get one of them run white jets. | ||
| Oh man, I hope so. | ||
| Tell you what, that's how I travel, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got fucking smoking cigars, drinking tequila, just flying around. | ||
| Flying around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Getting on a bus, doing it. | ||
| When I flew with Chappelle, he smokes on planes, smokes cigarettes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| And I'm like, this is outrageous. | ||
| He doesn't even ask if the people around him are okay with it. | ||
| He just sparks up. | ||
| God. | ||
| It's like his thing. | ||
| Well, you can smoke on a private jet, I guess. | ||
| I guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| You must have to have some sort of an agreement with the pilots. | ||
| Yeah, that can't be. | ||
| Look, you're in a fucking tube flying around. | ||
| It's like, that air is going to get to everybody. | ||
| There's only one guy that can do that. | ||
| How much filtration is in that airplane? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's what they keep putting out reports. | ||
| I keep getting notes from the airlines. | ||
| Do you get those in your email? | ||
| I don't read them. | ||
| The little videos and stuff from the owner of United. | ||
| I'm wearing a mask. | ||
| Yeah, we're all disinfecting and all our air is 98% fresh and all this kind of stuff. | ||
| What are you, Rotten Tomatoes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Their air has got only 30%. | ||
| Yeah, but no, it's going to be... | ||
| I do feel like it's recalibrating how you look at everything. | ||
| But once it all gets opened up and you have an opportunity to go to all these places, you probably go back to what we were doing. | ||
| When I was in Florida, I was walking down the hallway in my hotel and some guy in his room was coughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I fucking panicked. | ||
| I panicked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I was like, oh no, I walked faster. | ||
| Quickly, get through the hallway. | ||
| I remember thinking like, wow, is this how I'm going to be from now on? | ||
| I hear a cough and I'm going to freak out. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Something that didn't mean jack shit. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Three months ago, now I was like... | ||
| Yeah, uh-oh. | ||
| Is it coughing? | ||
| And it's going through the vent and it's coming into my room. | ||
| Little particles are in the air. | ||
| My last gig was in Pennsylvania. | ||
| And it was the Keswick Theater just north of Philadelphia. | ||
| And it was all just starting. | ||
| It was like March 7th. | ||
| So it was all starting to really stop. | ||
| And I get on the flight and I'm wondering, is this going to be my last gig for a while? | ||
| And I was really kind of bummed out about it. | ||
| And then Paula Poundstone came on the plane. | ||
| And I know Paula from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. | ||
| And she's just great. | ||
| And she comes on and she's just like, we're fucked. | ||
| I go, really? | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I go, oh yeah. | ||
| And then she goes to sit in the back and she has an asthmatic condition. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| The whole flight, she's just coughing in the back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Like a violent, heavy cough at periods, and she comes up to go to the bathroom at some point, and she's like, I'm real popular today. | ||
| And she was just freaking the entire plane out. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| She's so damn funny. | ||
| Has she ever been on? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's got asthma? | ||
| Yeah, she has some asthma thing, yeah. | ||
| That would make it really terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, she can get it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That kind of thing. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| God, is she funny, though. | ||
| So dry and just a road warrior. | ||
| Talk about travel. | ||
| She just pounded out for years. | ||
| Years. | ||
| She was really popular at one point in time. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Really popular. | ||
| She had a drinking thing. | ||
| She had a little kerfuffle. | ||
| She had something with people said stuff about her as a mom and stuff and it was all cleared up and It took a little bit of a hit. | ||
| And then she came back and she just went on the road and just kept going and she was cleared of everything. | ||
| There was no problems and she just took every gig she could take and just played it, played it, played it. | ||
| And she's been on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me for 30 years straight. | ||
| And she's just... | ||
| What is, wait, wait, don't tell me, it's a podcast? | ||
| That's the NPR show. | ||
| It's Peter Sagal and it's like a news quiz and it's just they have three comedians on. | ||
| I do it with Alonzo a lot. | ||
| It's a podcast though, right? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| No, it's an NPR radio show and a podcast. | ||
| But it was a radio show first. | ||
| And then it runs as a podcast. | ||
| And it's all current events. | ||
| It's all like, you know, stuff that's happening in the week. | ||
| And Paula is known as just the, her crowd work is like her real, she's so in the moment, off the cuff. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| Probably one of the best of all time. | ||
| And so in that format for the show, she's just a killer. | ||
| So she did that for 30 years and she's still... | ||
| Her audience is a little older, but she's super... | ||
| She sells out all these places. | ||
| She does not have to do radio for tickets. | ||
| She has a real, real strong base. | ||
| Yeah, there's so many people that made a living on the road and kind of counted on it. | ||
| So, like, their bills every month were kind of high, you know? | ||
| And now they're in this situation where they're like, holy shit, like, when can I work? | ||
| Yeah, no kidding. | ||
| No kidding. | ||
| I mean, that's the thing, like, in entertainment, even when there were recessions, entertainment always did okay. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not this one. | ||
| There was a thing in The Sopranos where, like... | ||
| One of the characters says, you know, in a recession, entertainment and our thing, we're okay. | ||
| And our thing! | ||
| And they're recession-proof, but this one, live performance, holy shit. | ||
| Well, Live Nation almost went under. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, Live Nation got a giant chunk bought out by the Saudi Empire. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Did you hear about that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Everybody was like, what the fuck? | ||
| They bought a sizable chunk of Live Nation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| You know, because it's an open, it's a public company. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they were hurting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| See, you can find that article. | ||
| So they bought, so now they controlled part of it. | ||
| Saudi Arabia purchases $500 million stake in Live Nation. | ||
| Because that $500 million was probably worth a couple billion before this? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| Is that what that means? | ||
| I mean, what is it worth now? | ||
| I mean, they're really taking a chance. | ||
| 5.7% stake in Live... | ||
| Wow, how much is Live Nation worth? | ||
| Yeah, billions. | ||
| 5.7%? | ||
| $500 million gets you 5%. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Saudi Public Investment Fund disclosed the stake, compromising 12,337,569 shares in a filing with the Securities Exchange Commission on Monday. | ||
| They're taking a big chance, too, though, because, like, when is that going to be happening again? | ||
| In Missouri this weekend. | ||
| Just Missouri, though. | ||
| Maybe Texas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It'll come back. | ||
| I mean, it'll be back, but can you sustain the downside of it long enough? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on a second. | |
| What is this? | ||
| It's the Missouri thing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Missouri Governor Mike Parson unveiled a state reopening plan April 27th and included a note that live contras can resume starting Monday, May 4th. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Billboard reports Missouri is the first state in the U.S. to reopen live events amid the coronavirus pandemic. | ||
| The plan dictates that seating shall be spaced out according to social distancing requirements, which is a bullshit, nonsensical requirement. | ||
| You're all stuck together in a room screaming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the concertgoers must remain at least six feet apart. | ||
| Well, that won't happen when people are peeing. | ||
| The mayors of Missouri, major cities, St. Louis, Springfield, and Kansas City have revealed that live concerts and large gatherings will not return as the city's stay-home orders will remain intact. | ||
| Ah, the mayors overriding the governor? | ||
| Yes, it says we will continue to be guided by data, not dates. | ||
| St. Louis Mayor Lita Crewson. | ||
| Someone sounds like a liberal. | ||
| So now we can't do concerts in St. Louis either. | ||
| Yeah, so it looks like it's not going to happen in St. Louis. | ||
| It'll be a bit. | ||
| Maybe Kansas City. | ||
| Maybe they'll let you go there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somewhere. | ||
| Someone's going to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's gonna be the first concert? | ||
| The idea of staying six feet apart, like, how many seats do you have to give up? | ||
| Like, we're about six feet apart. | ||
| How many seats is between you and me? | ||
| Three? | ||
| Maybe three? | ||
| One, two, three. | ||
| Yeah, four. | ||
| Four? | ||
| So you'd have to give up four seats, so you'd have one quarter if you're lucky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone else spaced out. | ||
| The economics of that doesn't really work. | ||
| What if you're on a date? | ||
| Ooh, yeah. | ||
| Can you, if you take your lady friend, can they sit next to each other? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You do that trick with the popcorn. | ||
| Well, here's the other thing, what about the people behind you? | ||
| You cut the hole in the bottom of the popcorn, put your junk in it, then she goes for the popcorn. | ||
| The diner, Mickey Rourke scene. | ||
| What about the people behind you? | ||
| Where the fuck are they going to go? | ||
| We're going to have to stagger people? | ||
| They're not right behind you, they're over here behind you. | ||
| Oh, fuck off. | ||
| Because then they're going to be too close to the people that are close to you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That won't work. | ||
| Broadway just said they're not opening until Labor Day. | ||
| Well, thank God I don't like Broadway. | ||
| And their audience is all 65 plus. | ||
| Yeah, those are people that really should be terrified. | ||
| Even when they open. | ||
| When did they say they were going to open? | ||
| Labor Day. | ||
| Labor Day. | ||
| September. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Originally said June, now it's Labor Day. | ||
| I don't buy that. | ||
| Labor Day? | ||
| I'm supposed to do Madison Square Garden October 3rd. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| New York City Marathon. | ||
| How's that going to happen? | ||
| November. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How's that going to happen? | ||
| Isn't it amazing how the months seem so close now? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| When you're doing the math of, like, will I be able to go out? | ||
| We're sitting here in May, and all of a sudden October looks like it's next week. | ||
| Well, November 1st, I'm at the Forum, the Great Western Forum, out here. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, would that be sweet? | ||
| I don't even know if I could do that. | ||
| Imagine if you were, though. | ||
| Imagine if you make it. | ||
| Imagine if something happens between now and then where you're able to go do the garden. | ||
| Wouldn't that be great? | ||
| Weekend shows at the Houston Improv. | ||
| Brian Callen's already there. | ||
| Thursday, May 28th. | ||
| At the end of the month, they have a show booked right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, my shows are still on sale in San Francisco right now. | ||
| Look at this motherfucker. | ||
| Alan Adams steps in Saturday, May 16th. | ||
| I salute you, Alan, and your wonderful mustache. | ||
| All the Texas Improvs, it looks like, are doing stuff this week. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| Different rules everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. | ||
| You know, if everyone acts cool, and if they do some precautions, clean the place, and it's going to be young people, no, it'll be half the... | ||
| Say it seats 400, maybe they'll have 150. I don't know if that's what they're doing there, though. | ||
| They might just be sitting down. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Texas is buck wild, bro. | ||
| You can bring a gun. | ||
| I like that Callan's going. | ||
| Hey, I might move to Texas. | ||
| Callan and I and Shob have actually talked about this. | ||
| Getting a ranch together? | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| If California continues to be this restrictive, I don't know if this is a good place to live. | ||
| First of all, it's extremely expensive. | ||
| The taxes here are ridiculous. | ||
| And if they really say that we can't do stand-up until 2022 or some shit like that... | ||
| I might jet. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| This is silly. | ||
| I don't need to be here. | ||
| The only reason why I'm here is that I'm close to people like you. | ||
| A lot of my friends live here. | ||
| The store's here. | ||
| But if they won't let us do the store, but we could do stand-up other places, why would we stay here? | ||
| Where in Texas, though? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Austin. | ||
| I like Austin a lot. | ||
| I like Dallas a lot. | ||
| I like Houston, but... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know if I'd live in Houston. | ||
| I would definitely live in... | ||
| It's very humid there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The summer's a motherfucker. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| Dallas is great. | ||
| I'm trying to read through this. | ||
| I think they're starting with 25% of listed occupancy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| At the improv? | ||
| Yeah, they're gonna do it smart. | ||
| Is that what it says? | ||
| It says they're not doing it to make money, they're doing it for the audiences. | ||
| Like it says it's not a money-making opportunity. | ||
| Tell that to Brian Callen, Brennan Chob, we're gonna demand their money. | ||
| The other thing is, they make most of their money off of alcohol. | ||
| And if people have to wear masks, how does that work? | ||
| Should we call Callen right now? | ||
| Everyone's got a sippy straw? | ||
| Let's call Callum right now. | ||
| Yeah, find out what's going on. | ||
| Since he's the one who's actually doing it. | ||
| Yeah, it says operating at 25% will not be a money-making exercise, nor will be 50% when that point is reached. | ||
| So they're not there yet. | ||
| I've got to... | ||
| I'm supposed to do Portland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up, bud? | |
| Hey, buddy, you're on the air, so don't say anything crazy. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| When are you doing the improv in Houston? | ||
| You're a savage. | ||
| How many people are allowed to be in the audience? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's because that's all they could sell? | |
| 200 people in the crowd. | ||
| What is the normal capacity? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I believe that's the number. | |
| That's Texas. | ||
| Now, I just read in the New York Times, I mean, I'm sorry, Brendan Chubb has called me and said that the shutdown in Los Angeles is being considered till July? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, that's what he said. | ||
| So normally the Houston Improv seats 450 people, it says. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they'll allow 200 people? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's correct. | |
| Right. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, LA is July. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, how do we fight that? | |
| I mean, well, who is deciding that? | ||
| Some health official based on what data? | ||
| Yeah, and what's going to be different in July? | ||
| Nothing's going to be different in July. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, nothing's going to be different, but also, is this about getting absentee voting in for those seats in Congress? | |
| What's going on? | ||
| I don't understand. | ||
| What? | ||
| Why would you think it would be about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I talked to a Republican... | |
| There's an article about homelessness and I wanted to speak to the scholar and the person who knows the person is a Republican strategist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll find out the information. | |
| She was correlating it to that. | ||
| Now, maybe because she's a Republican strategist, there's not, I don't have any evidence on this, but absentee ballots in this state, I guess, favored Democrats, the incumbent Democrats for a number of reasons. | ||
| I'm not an expert on this, but that's what I heard and I'm wondering if there's anything That doesn't make any sense because this state is basically blue anyway. | ||
| It is, yeah. | ||
| That seems like a ridiculous thing to sink the economy for something you already have winning. | ||
| God, it can't be that. | ||
| It can't be that. | ||
| They can't blow up the whole economy just for that. | ||
| I think it's probably more of a liability thing. | ||
| Like, they're worried about if they make a decision and somehow it gets connected to a larger amount of deaths. | ||
| You know, because these people get paid while this is all going on. | ||
| Like, they are not the people that own the small businesses. | ||
| They're not... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I know. | |
| Oh, I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm aware. | |
| This is what happens when politicians are protecting and doing this for our, quote-unquote, Can Brian hear me? | ||
| We live in a country where my government doesn't represent me. | ||
| I have no recourse here. | ||
| Where are we moving? | ||
| You want to go to Texas? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like Texas. | |
| I've got to sit here like a cow chewing grass while Gavin Newsom has decided, for my own good, to shut down the entire state and the economy. | ||
| And I'm sorry to say this also, but from what I have read, and again, I may be wrong, but this is primarily a disease that Yes, we actually talked about it on the podcast that the average age that people die from this disease is older than the average age people die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, so we've shut down everything. | |
| Instead of having a targeted quarantine or a smarter way to do this, I just have to do like a cow chewing grass. | ||
| I have to listen to whatever my politician tells me. | ||
| I thought it was May 15th. | ||
| Now it's July. | ||
| Yeah, no, I agree with you. | ||
| I agree with you in that way. | ||
| I think it's L.A. County is actually July. | ||
| The governor still has May 15th, and that they're moving forward with stages. | ||
| So the next stage will be gyms, and they're going to have certain disinfection salons, things like that. | ||
| They're going to have to have certain rules in place, hand sanitizer, things along those lines. | ||
| I'm just still so confused by this. | ||
| I think they should quarantine people that are higher at risk and quarantine people if they choose to be quarantined because they're still scared of it. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| Can you ask him if I can open for him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that would be called personal responsibility and all that stuff. | |
| We're not dealing with that. | ||
| I don't know what Eric Garcetti is doing. | ||
| I just don't get it. | ||
| I don't understand the logic behind it. | ||
| I don't get it either, but Tom Papa wants to open for you. | ||
| He's here right now. | ||
| He wants to open for you in May. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tom, I'll throw you up for 10 minutes. | |
| We'll get you moving around and see how you do. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Obviously, you've got to take my workshop first, but we'll go from there. | |
| It's not comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's mostly physical. | |
| We get you stretching. | ||
| Your workshop. | ||
| I'll call you after I'm out of here. | ||
| I love you, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. | |
| So there you go. | ||
| So it's basically a little bit less than half capacity. | ||
| I have an offer to go do it in two weeks and then... | ||
| May? | ||
| May. | ||
| Houston? | ||
| Improv? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Salt Lake City. | ||
| Oh, Wise Guys. | ||
| Love it there. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Love those guys. | ||
| Take it. | ||
| How many people in the audience? | ||
|
unidentified
|
150. Fill it up and let's test that immunity. | |
| Come on, pussies! | ||
| I love Salt Lake, too. | ||
| And then my Portland show is like two weeks after that. | ||
| I would live in Utah. | ||
| I like Utah. | ||
| Utah's a great state. | ||
| Beautiful state. | ||
| People are scared of Mormons, so nobody moves there. | ||
| Yeah, it's really true. | ||
| They're all scared. | ||
| Like, oh my god, you go there, you have to join the cult. | ||
| Oh, they're so nice. | ||
| The whole city's so clean. | ||
| They're the best cult members in the world. | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| But a lot of people are not cult members that live in Utah. | ||
| There's a lot of non-Mormons that live there, and they're the nicest folks. | ||
| So nice. | ||
| And it's, I think, the most beautiful state. | ||
| It's so diverse. | ||
| It's a very beautiful state. | ||
| God, it's gorgeous. | ||
| The mountains and the canyon lands. | ||
| Preach! | ||
| Preach, Tom Papa. | ||
| Oh, I love it. | ||
| You think you live there? | ||
| Could you live there? | ||
| I could live anywhere. | ||
| Anywhere. | ||
| Well, Wise Guys is a great club to work out of, too. | ||
| If you needed a local club to practice, you could do Wise Guys. | ||
| It's a good spot. | ||
| It's the most underrated club in the country, I think. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| It's really great. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Everybody knows how great Comedy Works in Denver is. | ||
| Everybody knows how great Zany's in Nashville is. | ||
| Most people don't... | ||
| Yeah, they sleep on it. | ||
| On the short list of great clubs, Wise Guys in Salt Lake City is right up there, in my opinion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| Do you think kids will be back in school in September? | ||
| I don't know, but if they're not, it's going to be a mess. | ||
| My kids are mocking their teachers with their fucking computer on mute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know! | |
| My middle daughter, my 12-year-old, she's a savage. | ||
| She's ruthless. | ||
| She's a little predator. | ||
| And she just put them on mute. | ||
| Oh yeah! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what she wants to do? | |
| It's like, oh, you're so smart. | ||
| How did you learn? | ||
| Did you learn through a computer? | ||
| And she thinks it's hilarious. | ||
| They wake up right before they go to school. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| School starts at 8. They wake up at 7.56. | ||
| They pee, they drink some water, and they fucking sit in front of their computer. | ||
| My kids are up all night long, too. | ||
| I have no idea when they go to bed. | ||
| I get up to pee in the middle of the night, I still hear movies being played. | ||
| My daughter's just sitting on her computer, eating breakfast in bed. | ||
| They're in bed! | ||
| I know! | ||
| The teachers could not be less enthusiastic. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| They're so phoning it in. | ||
| One of my daughters, my nine-year-old, the fucking teacher's always late. | ||
| She gets mad at them if they tune into the Zoom thing late. | ||
| But she'll be there 15 minutes late just sluggishly talking to them about their studies. | ||
| And it's so... | ||
| BORING! It sounds so boring, I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's so boring. | |
| I sat with her and just to walk, I go, let me be a fly on the wall and watch this nonsense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, it's, regular school is deadening, right? | ||
| It's like, oh, it numbs you. | ||
| It's so, it's so frustrating, or it was for me. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| And I think their school is better than my school, but the Zoom shit is like 75% more annoying than regular school. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| My friend's son stayed at school in Chicago and was like, you know, I could do classes from home or, you know, it's all going to be online for the end of the year. | ||
| So I could come home to LA or I could stay there and do anything. | ||
| Let me just stay there. | ||
| And be with my friends at least when we're off. | ||
| But he's a good student and he loves going to class. | ||
| He said it just doesn't compare. | ||
| You come out of class and you'd be like, I missed that part. | ||
| And you go sit with your buddy and have coffee and figure out the stuff that you missed and the whole other part of the experience. | ||
| It's not just about them spitting information into your brain in this two-dimensional space. | ||
| We're turning people into robots. | ||
| It's really brutal. | ||
| You know, this is the thing that I talked about, and I was just joking around, but if you just sat down and broke it down this way, if you were an artificial intelligence, right, and you were trying to trick people into submitting to become some sort of a symbiotic creation, where you get people to join the matrix, how would you get them to do that? | ||
| Well, one good way to start out is make it so they don't want to go anywhere near each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Separate themselves. | ||
| Make them be accustomed to doing everything online virtually. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Make them accustomed to being terrified to be around people's physical touch. | ||
| You can't shake hands. | ||
| You can't do anything. | ||
| So who's controlling this matrix? | ||
| Well, this is the future. | ||
| The future is eventually we're going to be a part of this. | ||
| Look, Elon was on here talking about some neural link thing they're going to do. | ||
| Were they put in your brain? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His literal words were, you're not going to have to talk to communicate. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| Well, this is it, right? | ||
| This is how you get into the Matrix. | ||
| This is how eventually... | ||
| We're gonna eventually submit because it's going to be more interesting than the fucking Mad Max wasteland that's left in the world as the temperature rises and the diseases mutate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| But... | ||
| First of all, we'll be protected by the praying mantis. | ||
| Second of all... | ||
| We need to breed them. | ||
| The amazing thing that I've been observing during this, we are this living organism. | ||
| We are more linked than we knew. | ||
| Everybody seems to be in the same mood at the same time, the same frustrations, the same sadness, the same joys. | ||
| People are craving being with each other. | ||
| We are this organism that while we're individuals, we're also part of this bigger hive that feeds off of each other in profound ways. | ||
| And I don't care what you come up with. | ||
| We want to see and squeeze and be around and be face-to-face and touch each other. | ||
| And there is that... | ||
| That thing is not... | ||
| It's like asking fish not to swim. | ||
| We are not built for that. | ||
| You would have to give us a lobotomy for us to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see Ready Player One? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Great movie. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| But it's about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's about this sort of transition to a virtual world that's more... | ||
| It's more... | ||
| It's more exciting. | ||
| It's more captivating. | ||
| It's more... | ||
| It doesn't have that thing. | ||
| It doesn't have that physical thing. | ||
| You can't satisfy that. | ||
| I don't know if you're right. | ||
| Look how we're freaking out. | ||
| Look how people want to be around each other. | ||
| Right, but this is now. | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| As things get better with the virtual world, I think there's a real potential. | ||
| I think that Ready Player One shit is real. | ||
| I mean, I think that is going to be the future, whether it's 50 years from now or 150 years from now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's going to come a time where people can't wait to just plug into this thing and put a helmet on and go into a crazy world where you can skateboard through the fucking stars. | ||
| Look, I love all that stuff. | ||
| I invite it. | ||
| I would love to be a part of it. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, all that stuff is very exciting, and I see how it's plausible. | ||
| But there is a biological dimension to this that I think is inescapable. | ||
| Like, you'd have to do something to the human being to break them down to just be satisfied with that. | ||
| There'd have to be some component that comes over and... | ||
| Makes you feel like a hug. | ||
| Hits that part of your brain that does that thing. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's what they can do in that. | ||
| Remember in Ready Player One, they had those haptic feedback suits. | ||
| The girl touches him and he can feel it all over his body. | ||
| I don't remember that part. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I wonder if that's where it's all going to go to. | ||
| I mean, if you look at how connected we are now to computers and to phones and to your Tesla and all this electronic shit that we have, it's just a matter of time. | ||
| This stuff's going to accelerate. | ||
| It's going to get more entrenched in your life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So what's the Elon model? | ||
| They're creating that for what? | ||
| Well, first steps is going to be for people that have injuries, where paralysis, they're going to be able to make their body function again, and he actually said even better. | ||
| Your body would function even better than it did before your spinal cord was severed. | ||
| You're going to be able to see. | ||
| People with vision issues are going to be able to fix that. | ||
| Brain issues, brain trauma, they're going to be able to fix that. | ||
| That's what the first applications of it's going to be. | ||
| And then eventually it's going to lead to higher bandwidth access to information. | ||
| And the way he was saying it, people are going to be much more productive when they're on it. | ||
| They're going to have it. | ||
| And it's something you're going to drill a hole in your head and put a fucking cork in there with wires that go into different parts of your brain and fire it up. | ||
| Will this be done before I'm old? | ||
| He says like five years. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That'd be pretty cool. | ||
| So the first people that try will be people that are injured or people that have ailments. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What about people whose knees hurt slightly when he goes upstairs? | ||
| Stop eating bread. | ||
| That stuff's making... | ||
| There's no way! | ||
| ...causing inflammation. | ||
| You can never not eat bread? | ||
| You just bake it and smell it. | ||
| I could do that. | ||
| Just only greens and meat. | ||
| It's so good to eat though. | ||
| Especially my bread. | ||
| It's so delicious. | ||
| Do you think you could only eat bread once a week? | ||
| You could have a bread day? | ||
| I could. | ||
| What if you found out that bread was really bad for you? | ||
| If you go to a doctor and the doctor says, Tom, here's what's going on. | ||
| This is where you could be and this is where you are and this is what's holding you back. | ||
| All this fucking gluten. | ||
| You're eating this bread and it's fucking with your joints. | ||
| It's causing arthritis. | ||
| It's causing your cartilage to break down. | ||
| You're going to be crippled when you're older. | ||
| Or you can just have bread. | ||
| A little bit of mouth pleasure and some butter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you can't live without it, can you? | |
| In this mythical world that you're talking about, this made-up place where bread is bad for you, I guess I could play around, but my bread is good for you. | ||
| How's it possible? | ||
| Flour, water, salt, and yeast. | ||
| It's the only thing that breaks itself down. | ||
| It's not bad for you. | ||
| In moderation, it's not bad for you. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Centuries. | ||
| All the people that made you and all the DNA that had to carry you before you came out. | ||
| Do you get heirloom wheat flour? | ||
| On bread. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Do you get heirloom wheat flour? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| From Utah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
From Utah. | |
| For real? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Utah again. | ||
| I should just live in Utah. | ||
| You might have to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I know when I was in Italy, the pasta you eat does not make you feel fucked up. | ||
| No, it doesn't. | ||
| And Maynard, you know, Maynard from Tool? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| He was explaining to me that when, you know, because he uses heirloom wheat for his pasta. | ||
| You know, he owns a couple of restaurants. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And he was saying that when human beings started fucking around, particularly in America, with wheat and sort of engineering it for higher yield, they made more complex gluten. | ||
| There's more glutens in the wheat, and it's a higher yield. | ||
| So if they have an acre of the old wheat, it would only grow a certain amount of wheat, and it's much more now for an acre of this new wheat. | ||
| But the problem is our bodies don't know how to digest it properly. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's why people develop all these fucking weird gluten intolerance issues that no one had before. | ||
| Also, when you go over here, everyone's so fat, but if you go to Italy where they eat pasta every day, they're not fat. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| And, you know, I've said this a thousand times, but the other stuff that's in our bread that you get from the supermarket is making you sick. | ||
| It shouldn't be 30 ingredients. | ||
| There should be four ingredients. | ||
| Flour, water, salt, and yeast. | ||
| Preservatives? | ||
| Preservatives, sugars, different variations of sugar. | ||
| I bought some bread from the farmer's market. | ||
| It was stale in a day. | ||
| I bought some bread from the supermarket. | ||
| I bought it three weeks ago. | ||
| I had a sandwich the other day. | ||
| It was great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's still good. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Well, they're doing all this great stuff. | ||
| All these farmers are growing wheat that was grown in the region where they farm throughout the centuries. | ||
| So they're repopulating it with the stuff that was indigenous to that region. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does that make it better? | ||
| Yeah, it makes it better because it's natural. | ||
| It's just real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| Are you going to make me smell it? | ||
| I'm just going to show it to you. | ||
| I mean, I've given you a lot of bread. | ||
| Isn't that the best bread I've ever given you? | ||
| It smells very good. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| When did you bake this? | ||
| That came out last night. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I can't wait to eat it. | ||
| Let's let it sit there. | ||
| So beautiful. | ||
| It's a masterpiece. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I mean, I'm getting better. | ||
| You are. | ||
| Now, how do you eat your bread? | ||
| Do you ever put a little Nutella on it? | ||
| Do you get crazy? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, I gave Ali Wong a loaf of bread during quarantine. | ||
| I've been bringing bread to my friends, just dropping it off. | ||
| And her husband put... | ||
| It looked like... | ||
| A block of Nutella on it. | ||
| It was like more Nutella than bread. | ||
| I have a picture that was going to send to you. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Of your bread with Nutella on it. | ||
| My favorite is... | ||
| My favorite thing, I like doing lots of different stuff with it, but my favorite is cream cheese and sardines with capers. | ||
| Goddamn, I like what you're saying right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep talking. | |
| It is so good. | ||
| I'm going to get my pants off. | ||
| Cream cheese and sardines. | ||
| That sounds fantastic. | ||
| Oh, it's so good. | ||
| And some capers on it. | ||
| Oh, my God, dude. | ||
| Here you go. | ||
| That's your bread with Nutella. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, that was my bread. | ||
| Oh, that's Onnit fat butter, actually. | ||
| That is the Onnit. | ||
| It's got hazelnut. | ||
| It's got chocolate. | ||
| That's actually good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Good for you, that stuff. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I've got to get some of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ooh, that looks good. | ||
| Why did I think it was Nutella? | ||
| That's it before. | ||
| I got pre and after. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, yeah. | |
| It looks so good there. | ||
| It does look good. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| What's in there? | ||
| Does it say? | ||
| Does it say in the post? | ||
| In the post. | ||
| Jamie, scroll up. | ||
| Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. | ||
| Yeah, baby. | ||
| Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. | ||
| That's good for you? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Don't be a pussy. | ||
| There's not one word in that. | ||
| Chocolate hazelnut fat butter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good stuff. | ||
| Onnit fat butter is a great way to get healthy fats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| I love that stuff. | ||
| I just scoop it out. | ||
| Not usually the chocolate stuff, but they're different. | ||
| We have a bunch of different fat butters. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I scoop it out with spoons. | ||
| Ooh, that's good. | ||
| Because it's healthy calories. | ||
| If you want a snack and you don't want to feel like a loser, just eat some of that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Now, I think back to what you were saying originally, would I be able to stop if they told me? | ||
| I think, you know, you can't eat carbs all the time and feel good. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe can. | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe weighs 18 pounds. | ||
| He eats pasta all day. | ||
| He's like a hummingbird. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| He just burns it off. | ||
| Frank Mance is going to rip his head off. | ||
| When he was on the podcast, he was joking around about it. | ||
| People would be so angry at me if they saw how I eat. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Because he's so slim. | ||
| He's so tiny. | ||
| He doesn't even have a hint of a gut. | ||
| No, nothing. | ||
| It's true, too. | ||
| I've eaten with him after shows. | ||
| That fucking kid can eat. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's annoying. | ||
| Tony throws down. | ||
| Oh, that's annoying. | ||
| That man has an appetite. | ||
| He's not fucking around. | ||
| Yeah, it is annoying because he's got a fantastic genetic makeup in terms of being able to lose weight. | ||
| Or not gain weight, I should say. | ||
| He's never had to lose any weight. | ||
| But on the other hand, he can't gain any weight either. | ||
| I brought him lifting weights and that's as hilarious as his diet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay, I'm sorry to bring up an old subject, which I'm sure you've talked about a ton, but I've been working out more during quarantine than I have in the last five years. | ||
| What have you been doing? | ||
| And I've been doing the Peloton for cardio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| Because I don't want to run around. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| I really love it. | ||
| I haven't skipped. | ||
| It's really great. | ||
| And then I have these dumbbells, you know, the adjustable gnawless ones? | ||
| Sure, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I've been using those and doing those weights in the middle. | ||
| But everything I see online is all kettlebell all the time. | ||
| Is it that much better? | ||
| I've never worked out with a kettlebell in my life. | ||
| Well, you certainly can get a great workout with dumbbells. | ||
| You can. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| I mean, it feels great. | ||
| But I can show you how to use a kettlebell and you can get an understanding of why so many people like it after the podcast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're really versatile. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the fact that you're swinging them, you're using a lot of your whole body, you're using your legs, you're using your core, and when you're balancing them, you're You're tightening your core, you're using your spine and your shoulders and your arms. | ||
| I love them, but I've loved them for a long time. | ||
| I just think it's a great exercise for functional strength, meaning like when I lift a lot of kettlebells and I do it a lot, I feel like when I do martial arts, I have more strength. | ||
| I move better, my legs move better, my body moves better. | ||
| Because you have to use everything, like, say if you're doing what Steve Maxwell would call a man-maker, I think that's like clean, press, squat, it might have renegade rows in there as well, but the sequences of movements, right? | ||
| You do these, like, you could burn yourself out really quick on these sequences of movements. | ||
| Right, because the dumbbells are isolating. | ||
| They're good. | ||
| No, you can do cleans and presses and stuff with dumbbells. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just not the best thing for windmills or for some other kind of exercise that you can do with the kettlebells. | ||
| Kettlebells are just really, really versatile. | ||
| But it's hard to get one right now. | ||
| Everybody sold out when the quarantine hit. | ||
| Onnit, we're still sold out. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, we have a big sale that's going on right now at Onnit, but we don't have a sale through the whole month. | ||
| But the kettlebell sale doesn't kick in until the last week of the month because we don't even have them in stock. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They just sold out? | ||
| We sold out so quick and it's hard to get them right now because a lot of these places that manufacture them are shut down because of the quarantine. | ||
| So they couldn't restock them for us. | ||
| I wonder if now that sporting good places are open in LA, you can probably get stuff there. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But where are they getting it from? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatever they had in stock before. | ||
| All these companies are out. | ||
| I know Rogue hired another company stateside, I believe in Rhode Island, to start making their kettlebells because they were getting a lot of their kettlebells overseas. | ||
| And, you know, just like fucking everything's shutting down, man. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Yeah, they got to open it up. | ||
| But once you get them, there's so many great workouts that you could find online. | ||
| Keith Weber is a great resource. | ||
| He's a guy that I've talked about. | ||
| He's been on the podcast before, but he's got this great extreme kettlebell cardio workout that you could just use one 35-pound kettlebell and you get an amazing, amazing workout. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be cool. | ||
| I mean, just to vary it up, because we've been doing it for like two months or something. | ||
| I want to go somewhere. | ||
| I want to go to a yoga class. | ||
| I miss that. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I miss being in a class with people. | ||
| I miss jujitsu. | ||
| Oh, that's got to be driving you crazy. | ||
| I miss everything. | ||
| You can't wrestle around. | ||
| The biggest thing I miss is comedy. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| It's such a weird thing. | ||
| I think I talked about this with you on the phone, that It's not even like, oh, I just miss being up. | ||
| You slowly start to change. | ||
| I slowly go inward. | ||
| I feel like when I'm writing a lot, I get more insulated. | ||
| I get more to myself. | ||
| I feel like that just socially. | ||
| When I'm not performing, I'm crawling inside. | ||
| You mean when you're writing, you're doing great, which is available right now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Everywhere, wherever books are sold? | ||
| It'll make you feel good. | ||
| It'll make you feel good. | ||
| Yeah, when I'm doing that, no joke, when I'm isolated and I'm in there cranking it out, I get a little different. | ||
| But then I could go out at night and be out and it resets it. | ||
| And this is now, being in quarantine is like I'm writing the book without having... | ||
| Any outlet. | ||
| Yeah, we miss that clubhouse environment. | ||
| I mean, the comedy store is a place where it's like all these comics that travel all over the country. | ||
| We get together and be with our own tribe, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it's a big part of it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It is a big part of it. | ||
| And now we're not even supposed to be... | ||
| I mean, people were at the beginning of this podcast like, why are you allowed to do that? | ||
| Like, they were saying I shouldn't even be allowed to do this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Even if I was testing everybody. | ||
| I'm like, just look. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think it's also because people are out of work and they're like, why do you get to work? | ||
| Like, you know, it seems... | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But why does anybody get to tell you you can't work? | ||
| That's what the real question should be. | ||
| Yeah, no kidding. | ||
| That's the real question. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You've got to get people back to work. | ||
| That's that thing. | ||
| That balance. | ||
| And it's like, I think we've gone pretty far that one way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now you're going to really start hurting people. | ||
| Utah doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| They're like, let's go! | ||
| Well, in controlled ways. | ||
| But, you know, they're not being mindless about it. | ||
| Texas, let's go! | ||
| They're not being irresponsible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| They're not saying, come out, old people. | ||
| California State University campuses to remain closed through fall semester. | ||
| You fucks. | ||
| They're gonna make California just a bunch of just veal. | ||
| We're gonna be veal over here. | ||
| The whole rest of the country is going to be out there getting that herd immunity. | ||
| I wonder if they're going to charge you, like if you go to... | ||
| All classes, 500,000 kids. | ||
| They're just students, I should say. | ||
| Online? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Online, though. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| I wonder if they'll still charge you full tuition and put it online. | ||
| Of course they will. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Of course they will. | ||
| Dude, fuck off with all this. | ||
| If I was going to college right now and I found out that this was California, I would switch. | ||
| I'd be like, I'm getting out of here. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| My daughter's not going to find out until July. | ||
| You have to go move and play out-of-state tuition fees at another school now, because it's like state schools, so that's an option for a lot of people. | ||
| I would move. | ||
| Oh, that's brutal. | ||
| Fuck it, I'm going to Texas. | ||
| Wouldn't you? | ||
| I probably wouldn't be going to college right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My daughter's going to go East Coast and she's not going to find out for a while. | |
| For mental health, I think it's terrible for kids to be sitting in front of a fucking computer all day doing school with no friends around and not being able to mingle and have a good time. | ||
| That's what my daughters call it. | ||
| School with no friends. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| This might lead to no football. | ||
| For the fall, because if these kids can't be on campus, then they're not going to be playing the games then. | ||
| Meanwhile, China, they're all spitting in each other's mouths and lifting weights. | ||
| They're getting ready to take over. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good point, Jamie, because then... | ||
| They don't just play California schools. | ||
| They play the rest of the country. | ||
| I was just looking up the Big Ten, which is where Ohio State plays. | ||
| There's a discussion of maybe just having an all-in-conference schedule so teams don't have to fly. | ||
| They can just drive buses. | ||
| I wonder how Vegas is going to handle it because, like I said, my friend Nick, his restaurant opened up at half capacity. | ||
| I have a show in Vegas that sold out at that park theater, whatever the fuck that is. | ||
| One next to the July. | ||
| July? | ||
| First weekend in July. | ||
| You've done outside comedy before. | ||
| Do you think that's a potential? | ||
| I don't enjoy it. | ||
| The audience likes it, we don't like it. | ||
| Yeah, it's okay. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I mean, I did one in Mountain View in San Francisco this past year. | ||
| I did one in Salt Lake too. | ||
| This is not as good. | ||
| Dave and I did one in Salt Lake. | ||
| The energy just goes up into the sky. | ||
| You don't get to really feel it. | ||
| It's not really that good. | ||
| It's pretty good up in the sky. | ||
| Oh jeez, there it goes. | ||
| I've seen some drive-in things that have popped up in the last couple weeks. | ||
| I don't know how successful they've been. | ||
| Music, right? | ||
| EDM, and then I think a couple comedians have tried to do a parking lot comedy or something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My wife kept saying that I should do drive-in comedy. | ||
| She's like, do it before anyone else gets the idea. | ||
| She's like, yeah, you should go do drive-in comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the fuck out of here. | |
| I know. | ||
| She is kind of over me. | ||
| Yeah, people find out whether or not you really like somebody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tom's not going to have anything. | ||
| No, I'm okay. | ||
| He's terrified. | ||
| I'm not terrified. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| A little horrified. | ||
| I have to do two more things after this. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| NPR, KPCC. Both those things. | ||
| Pot would help both of us. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Then I got to drive my car home. | ||
| Let the car drive yourself. | ||
| It does drive itself. | ||
| It smells so good though. | ||
| Do you want some? | ||
| Little? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just a little baby. | |
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| The new driving option, the Tesla one that you have to pay for, have you done that? | ||
| The what? | ||
| Self-driving thing. | ||
| This new update that came up that you actually pay for. | ||
| No, I didn't see that. | ||
| Yeah, there was a new one that came out. | ||
| You have to pay for it? | ||
| Yeah, like $4,000. | ||
| What? | ||
| Oh, maybe my car isn't equipped for it. | ||
| What year's your car? | ||
| It's, what are we, 2020? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's probably 2015. Oh, it's a piece of shit. | |
| It probably barely has any batteries. | ||
| It's got great batteries. | ||
| It dies real quick, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Come on. | ||
| How fast does it go? | ||
| Slow as shit. | ||
| Faster than I need it to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yes! | ||
| Impossible. | ||
| It's a killer. | ||
| You should have the new one. | ||
| I should have the new one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is ridiculous. | |
| This is outrageous. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| I should update, but I think I'm probably missing some hardware, though. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| For that. | ||
| What does it do? | ||
| I don't know if I haven't tried it yet. | ||
| Tesla's latest self-driving visualization comes to life in this impressive picture. | ||
| Oh, so it shows the cones. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, because it's... | ||
| Oh, so it'll stop for things that... | ||
| Oh, so someone with a stop sign? | ||
| Wow, that's crazy. | ||
| It shows the stop sign. | ||
| It reads the stop sign. | ||
| Will it stop for traffic lights? | ||
| That's the thing that mine does not do. | ||
| I don't think it does that yet. | ||
| Well, then I'm not interested. | ||
| Then it's a lemon. | ||
| Tesla's autopilot... | ||
| Go back to that? | ||
| On V9, shows great improvements when it comes to rendering the surroundings on the screen, but I'm often getting these weird bugs when stopped or at low speeds. | ||
| Play that. | ||
| Let's see what that does. | ||
| What's the weird bug? | ||
| Weird bugs. | ||
| Oh, people are just like moving around like ghosts and shit. | ||
| There's no one there. | ||
| Oh, that's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's all electronics. | ||
| But then, have you heard of any viruses infecting Teslas? | ||
| No. | ||
| Maybe I shouldn't have put that out there. | ||
| Dude! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| Have you heard? | ||
| Dude! | ||
| I mean, I'm sure someone must have thought about it already. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure they've been trying to crack in. | ||
| I'm not the guy who's going to be the first one to think that up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I think... | ||
| Yeah, but there's certain things, there's like certain modes and stuff so that people don't mess with it. | ||
| Like a mode like to kind of shut off the computer. | ||
| Yeah, and there's sentry mode too, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| How many people have caught keying in them? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's so weird, man. | ||
| People look around, no one's around, like, scratch the shit out of someone's car. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Because they're angry. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| It's usually people that they don't even know the person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They just decide this is a nice car. | ||
| They see this sweet Model 3 sitting there and just walk by with keys and scratch the shit out of it. | ||
| What are they in Warriors, the movie? | ||
| I think that's why Elon made those Cybertrucks, like, bulletproof. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's got to be a way. | |
| Got to fix this. | ||
| Got to fix it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And we're going to do it? | ||
| Make it all in a sheet metal steel. | ||
| They do have some sort of hacking competition to look for bugs. | ||
| A group of hackers won a Tesla Model 3 and a $35,000 prize for hacking into its systems. | ||
| A Matt Kama and Richard Zhu, I hope I'm saying that right, of a team called Fluoroacetate. | ||
| Exposed to vulnerability in the vehicle system during the hacking competition. | ||
| The hackers targeted the infotainment. | ||
| That's a weird fake word. | ||
| Infotainment. | ||
| Which is it? | ||
| Is it information or is it entertainment? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| How about media system? | ||
| How about the radio? | ||
| I don't like that infotainment word. | ||
| Infotainment. | ||
| It gets thrown around like a real word. | ||
| We have plenty of words that cover both of those things. | ||
| No new word needed here. | ||
| We don't need to make hybrid words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just seems like a weird time. | |
| How'd we get on the Tesla we were talking about? | ||
| Talking about your car driving itself if you got high. | ||
| Oh, if I got high, right? | ||
| See, my memory's strong, even with the weed. | ||
| That's rare, though. | ||
| It's very unreliable. | ||
| My memory's super unreliable when I'm high. | ||
| Yeah, no kidding, I know. | ||
| Sometimes it's great, though. | ||
| Sometimes I could pull things out of, you know... | ||
| Out of the deep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| What's with all these old boxers coming back? | ||
| Evander Holyfield is coming back now, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Have you seen the Mike Tyson video? | ||
| He's like 65. Mike Tyson's coming back. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You haven't seen? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Go to Mike Tyson's page for his most recent video on his Instagram. | ||
| Get ready for this. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Get ready for this, because he looks fucking sensational. | ||
| What is he, 55? | ||
| 53. I think. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I think he's a year older than I am. | ||
| I'm 52. But he looks fucking incredible. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Terrifying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was so terrible. | ||
| Was there anything more exciting than his fights? | ||
| They were a cultural event. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| So exciting. | ||
| The only concern was that you were going to spend money and you weren't going to get it back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Right. | ||
| You needed volume so you can hear this too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I mean, what in the fuck, dude? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, he looks like old... | |
| I'm back. | ||
| You know what's really funny? | ||
| He said on the podcast when he was in here, he said he didn't want to work out again because his ego would get fired up again. | ||
| And he's actually said that in his post that my ego had been reignited. | ||
| Does that mean his rage? | ||
| No. | ||
| See if you can find it. | ||
| That his ego would be... | ||
| Because he's like being Zen and doesn't want to... | ||
| He gave a statement about it saying that like his ego has been reignited. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good for us. | ||
| He said something about how the gods of war have brought him out again. | ||
| It was like really heavy-duty shit. | ||
| I think it's real recent. | ||
| Real recent. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| See if you can find the quote. | ||
| But it was like, oh my god. | ||
| When you were with him. | ||
| The gods of war have reignited my ego. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And I'm ready to go again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Jeez. | ||
| He's gonna fight. | ||
| How do you think he'd fare against a 28-year-old? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It depends on the 28-year-old. | ||
| But I think that you for sure need a guy who's really good at fighting to keep him off you. | ||
| Even if you're in your 20s. | ||
| Here, Mike Tyson explains his desire to fight again. | ||
| I feel unstoppable now. | ||
| The gods of war have reawakened me. | ||
| And he said something about his ego firing up. | ||
| See if you can find that quote. | ||
| He was so deadly. | ||
| Because that was one of the things that he actually talked about in the podcast. | ||
| Yeah, the gods of war have awakened me. | ||
| They've reignited my ego and want me to go to war again. | ||
| Holy shit, that's so terrifying! | ||
| That's so terrifying! | ||
| Here's the thing, man. | ||
| If they don't drug test them, They don't test him for hormones. | ||
| Things are way different. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Because if he takes hormones, if he's taking testosterone and growth hormone, thyroid hormone, all the things that people do when they take hormone replacement therapy, your body functions way better at a way later age. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| If we're talking about being a 53-year-old man in 1985, there's no chance. | ||
| Everybody fell apart. | ||
| You'd have to be a really, really, really rare person who doesn't take hormones and can perform like a 30-year-old when you're in your 50s. | ||
| But when you're on hormones... | ||
| You can kind of do it. | ||
| There's a few guys that were in the UFC. One of the bigger examples is Vitor Belfort. | ||
| Vitor Belfort, who's a phenomenal fighter, a real legend. | ||
| He won the first tournament that I ever worked on. | ||
| That was at UFC 12 in 1997. So he was 19 years old back then. | ||
| And then when he was in his late 30s, he had a giant resurgence. | ||
| And it was when they made testosterone replacement therapy legal for fighters. | ||
| So there was a bunch of fighters that got on these testosterone replacement therapy exemptions. | ||
| So they're taking testosterone, but they had an old man's brain. | ||
| But their body moved like a younger man. | ||
| So it's basically they had all of the experience of a lifetime of fighting, but because of the hormones, their body actually performed like someone way, way younger than them. | ||
| Like how much younger do you think? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It depends on the body. | ||
| It depends on what kind of damage you're dealing with, what's wrong with you, whether or not it can bring you back 10 years or five years or who knows. | ||
| But with these fighters, the thing is they were never really out of shape. | ||
| And some of them, there's quite a few of them, in fact, and I'm not going to name any names, but some of them needed those hormones because they had done steroids. | ||
| So when you do steroids, it shuts down your endocrine system. | ||
| Your endocrine system doesn't make the proper hormones anymore. | ||
| And so they needed... | ||
| It was a real weird sort of conundrum because everyone kind of knew this, but there was a weird loophole that went on for a few years. | ||
| It was a real gray area in MMA. And so say a fighter could go to the doctor and say, hey, I want to get a blood test and see what my testosterone levels are because I am feeling very tired. | ||
| And they look at it and they test. | ||
| They go, oh, look at this. | ||
| Your testosterone levels are low. | ||
| You could take this hormone and inject it into your body every week. | ||
| Now you're eligible for testosterone replacement therapy. | ||
| But the thing is... | ||
| They might have, like, the whole reason why they needed it in the first place might have been that they were using it illegally. | ||
| So it's a weird thing you're rewarding because the testing wasn't very good. | ||
| And some of these guys that are a part of this, were a part of this testosterone replacement therapy thing, they were ones that were kind of accused of possibly using performance-enhancing drugs in the past. | ||
| So then they get to use them legally. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| And Vitor, dude, I'm telling you, everyone in the MMA community would talk about TRT Vitor. | ||
| Because TRT Vitor was a guy who was in his 30s, he'd been fighting a long fucking time, but all of a sudden he was moving like a demon again and just smashing people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You ever see him fight? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do me a favor, pull up Vitor Belfort versus Luke Rockhold. | ||
| Because that was one of the perfect examples. | ||
| And they're fighting, I don't know if it was in Brazil or what, but Vitor had muscles on his teeth when he was weighing in for that fight. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And he just blitzkrieged Luke Rockhold. | ||
| And it was okay to do. | ||
| It was legal. | ||
| What he was doing was legal. | ||
| And then it took a while before everybody went, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| This is not... | ||
| We can't do this. | ||
| And so then the UFC went the whole other way. | ||
| And they brought in USADA. The US Anti-Doping Agency now handles everything. | ||
| And they randomly test fighters in the middle of the night. | ||
| And people get popped for stuff all the time. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, they're really strict, man. | ||
| Do you think they should be? | ||
| Calvin Gaslam just got popped for marijuana. | ||
| They have a pretty liberal range. | ||
| It's a pretty generous range that you can have. | ||
| So watch this. | ||
| First of all, look at Vitor. | ||
| He's the one in the red. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just fucking shred it. | ||
| Now watch this wheel kick. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Set it up. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| Dude, dude, fucking Vitor, when he was on the TRT, was one of the scariest guys that ever lived. | ||
| Look at his back, up into his traps. | ||
| Yeah, look at him. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, dudes avoided the fuck out of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this wheelchair. | |
| Oh god. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It's like a pit bull. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| He looked like a demon. | ||
| He looked like a demon back then. | ||
| There's a few of his fights from that era that were just absolutely terrifying. | ||
| Do you think that it should be that strict against these drugs in the fighting? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It should, yeah. | ||
| It's because it's competition. | ||
| Keep it pure, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's not for your health. | ||
| I mean, I take testosterone replacement. | ||
| I think for your health, it's a good move when you get older. | ||
| It makes your body work better. | ||
| But for fighting, there's a weird gray area. | ||
| Like, when should it be legal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to let people take it after they're 45? | ||
| Right. | ||
| My point is, if they don't test Tyson and Holyfield and all these guys for testosterone replacement and growth, we might see some crazy shots. | ||
| We might see some great fights. | ||
| Some fun pay-per-view. | ||
| I do not know. | ||
| Maybe he's not on anything, and maybe he's just a special athlete. | ||
| Lord knows, Herschel Walker was. | ||
| Herschel Walker was a guy who fought in Strikeforce after he played in the NFL and was really successful. | ||
| It was terrifying. | ||
| People were avoiding him. | ||
| People that were lifelong martial artists were like, fuck that guy. | ||
| Because he was a super athlete. | ||
| And obviously Mike Tyson was a super athlete when he was young. | ||
| No one when they're 20 usually can move like that. | ||
| And here he is, 53, moving like a world champ, throwing bombs. | ||
| Again, it's only on the pads. | ||
| We don't know what happens if he spars. | ||
| But still, you're like the praying mantis if he makes the first move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have to... | |
| He's going to rip your head off. | ||
| You have to look at that and go, look, look, look, look. | ||
| Let's not get crazy. | ||
| Look how fast he's going! | ||
| I know. | ||
| Look how scary he is! | ||
| That's what makes us think of Mike Tyson when he was in his prom. | ||
| Oh, when he'd come out, no socks. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Just those leathers. | ||
| Dude, my favorite ever was the Marvis Frazier fight because it was really like an execution. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Marvis Frazier also was a really good fighter and was Joe Frazier's son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you knew what was going to happen. | ||
| In like 20 seconds. | ||
| Tyson was just... | ||
| He was a different thing, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He just came into the ring. | ||
| We'd never seen a boxer like him before. | ||
| No. | ||
| Where it was just like every fight was an execution. | ||
| It was brutal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was brutal. | |
| No frills, no nothing. | ||
| No socks, no robe most of the time. | ||
| Just coming to the ring. | ||
| Sometimes he had a towel around his neck. | ||
| Sometimes he didn't even have that. | ||
| God, he wasn't going to be there long. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| And you would see the look in the guy's eyes when you would see him across the ring like, oh my god, what the fuck did I sign up for? | ||
| So exciting. | ||
| When you were with him when he was here, do you feel like this is still a menacing physical guy? | ||
| Or did you feel like... | ||
| Well, he's real nice. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| He's a real nice guy, but he's still... | ||
| But you still have that, you know, guys that were tough in their youth, you still feel that thing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, but he's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who said it best? | ||
| What was the UFC fighter that was saying, like, it's like hanging out with a... | ||
| Oh, was it Kevin Lee? | ||
| I think it was Kevin Lee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It sounds like something Kevin would say. | ||
| He goes, it's like you're next to a lion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he's like, oh yeah, that's Mike Tyson. | |
| Like, that way to describe it is the perfect way to describe being around him. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| You just want him to like you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You want to be nice to him. | ||
| Be cool, be cool. | ||
| And you can't believe he's here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, he's here. | ||
| No, it's like a mythical figure sitting next to you. | ||
| Dude, he asked me about fighting. | ||
| Like, what did I ever do? | ||
| And I've never felt more like a fraud in my life. | ||
| Just tell him about the stupid shit that I've done. | ||
| I did little Taekwondo tournaments and had a couple kickboxing fights. | ||
| I felt like such a bitch. | ||
| I could feel it. | ||
| I could feel it in the air. | ||
| He's a cultural icon. | ||
| If you stop and think about it, from our generation, to be around him is like, what? | ||
| Are you a real thing? | ||
| You're right here? | ||
| It's like being with Thor or Zeus. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's like, oh, you came out of the sky and you're talking to me now. | ||
| He was a legend. | ||
| He's going to fight someone and they don't have a fight scheduled, but also Evander Holyfield. | ||
| Go to Evander Holyfield's YouTube. | ||
| I'm thinking he doesn't look as fast. | ||
| Nope, he doesn't, but he still looks good. | ||
| I'm sorry, his Instagram, not his YouTube. | ||
| His Instagram, he posted this video of him throwing punches, and he said, this is me at 60%. | ||
| Who wants to see 70%? | ||
| I've been doing this my whole life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was interesting because as a person who's a giant boxing fan, and I am, I see what Holyfield's doing. | ||
| What Holyfield's doing is he saw the Mike Tyson thing. | ||
| He saw Mike Tyson looking amazing, and then that fire just got Click! | ||
| Got turned on, and he's doing it slow and deliberate. | ||
| So here he is, like, running, shadowboxing, and then there's videos of him. | ||
| He's jumping rope again, doing sit-ups. | ||
| He's in good shape. | ||
| Oh, dude, he was in great shape when he was here. | ||
| But look at this. | ||
| Shadowboxing, and then there's a video of him. | ||
| That looks pretty good. | ||
| Let me go to all the videos. | ||
| Did I mention I've been doing the dumbbells? | ||
| I think it's that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not it. | |
| Is that it? | ||
| I think it was before that. | ||
| I think it was before that. | ||
| You think that'll be the fight? | ||
| That's the announcement, but there was another one of him where it said, this is me at 60%. | ||
| Who wants to see 70%? | ||
| Jeez, look at him in the prime. | ||
| God. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| What does it say there? | ||
| Did you see him in his prime? | ||
| It was really recent. | ||
| It's him. | ||
| He's hitting the bag. | ||
| He's doing some other stuff. | ||
| He was tough. | ||
| Oh, he was amazing. | ||
| He's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time. | ||
| Either way, that's okay. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But he's basically him going through a workout. | ||
| He's throwing some punches, hitting the bag, throwing some uppercuts, and you're like, wow. | ||
| What if it's a Tyson-Holyfield fight? | ||
| Dude, that's the fight. | ||
| If you were going to make a crazy fight of two 50-year-old guys, that's the fight. | ||
| People would pay for that for sure. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah, they would. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Do you just jump right into that? | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| Do you let Tyson fight a bartender first? | ||
| Just from a promo standpoint to get everyone excited? | ||
| Well there was a guy who's a rugby player who's I believe he's 7-0 in boxing. | ||
| I think they offered Tyson a fight to fight that guy and I think his thought is no he wants to fight a real boxer like not just a guy who's like a hobbyist. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah let him take down some tomato can. | ||
| I've been training lately, too. | ||
| Oh my goodness, 54-year-old Lennox Lewis. | ||
| Hey man, imagine if in this day and age the three of them have like a fucking fight-off, you know, like a Super 6 tournament. | ||
| Fuck, that would be crazy! | ||
| They can take testosterone, these guys? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Would that be okay? | ||
| In the Boxing Federation? | ||
| I don't know where they get it done. | ||
| I don't know who does the testing, what the rules are. | ||
| It would vary on the state athletic commissions. | ||
| You could always do things on tribal land. | ||
| They have their own rules. | ||
| You could always make agreements, like the fighter can't take more than this or that, and you have to be within this level or that level. | ||
| Because you don't want guys juiced up on some psycho drugs. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Because also, if you're not going to drug test at all, there's other stuff that people could take. | ||
| People take Adderall and fight. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Just for focus? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen people who actually were on Adderall who were told by the Athletic Commission that they couldn't take the Adderall. | ||
| They had to get off of it and then they had to wean themselves off and then come back and fight. | ||
| Geez. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, there was quite a bit of an issue because there's guys who were prescribed it by the doctors. | ||
| You know, they have ADHD or something. | ||
| And they're on this Adderall and the Athletic Commission was like, no sir. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know, I did a baseball event. | ||
| It was the all-star game for softball. | ||
| The softball game before the all-star game the next day. | ||
| Celebrity legends thing. | ||
| And you get to play with all the baseball players. | ||
| And I hang out with the baseball players, and they were all talking about how in the 70s and 80s, When you were pitching, you would put amphetamines in the coffee because you wanted everybody to be super alert and be able to see stuff and you wanted everybody to play your best while you were pitching. | ||
| It was just common. | ||
| People were taking pills and stuff all the time. | ||
| And then focus for the batters as well, right? | ||
| Yeah, so their team would win while you're pitching. | ||
| They would see the ball as a big... | ||
| Yeah, I've never done them. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| But I know a lot of pool players who really got into amphetamines during gambling events. | ||
| Because the pool culture is very strange when it comes to gambling. | ||
| One of the big things is they play until someone quits. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, you can win, like you can say, okay, we'll do a race to 10, and if you beat me, and if I want to play you a second race, and you just bail, you get a bad reputation in the world of gamblers. | ||
| The idea is, and this is very debatable, some guys don't feel bad about stopping early, and some guys do, but the old school hardcore guys would never quit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's like a scene in The Hustler with Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman. | ||
| Swears them down. | ||
| They go all night, and then all through the next night. | ||
| He has a breakdown. | ||
| He's just all sweaty. | ||
| And then... | ||
| His character cracks. | ||
| And Fats starts putting himself together. | ||
| He's like, oh, it was better at the end. | ||
| Yep, he washes his hands. | ||
| So great. | ||
| Yeah, he changes his suit. | ||
| Tightens his tie. | ||
| Powdered his hands up. | ||
| Like a baby, Fats. | ||
| And he goes... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He goes, uh, Fast Eddie, let's play some pool. | ||
| And then Paul Newman's drunk. | ||
| I mean, it's a classic scene. | ||
| So great. | ||
| But it's a realistic scene in terms of, like, the culture of, like, hardcore gamblers in pool. | ||
| And in the 70s and the 80s, when gambling was a really big thing... | ||
| With pool players who travel all across the country. | ||
| There's all these great road stories. | ||
| There's one by David McCumber about my friend Tony Anagoni. | ||
| It's called Playing Off the Rail. | ||
| And it's all about them just traveling from town to town gambling. | ||
| Wow, that's great. | ||
| But Tony would do it completely naturally. | ||
| Tony was just a strong-minded, really good pool player who would do it With no drugs. | ||
| But other guys would take hardcore amphetamines and be up for days. | ||
| It was famous that guys would have these sessions. | ||
| You would go home and go to bed. | ||
| And then you call a pool hall at noon, like, they're still going. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| And they went all through the night, and they played all through the day. | ||
| So you would go down there, like, after lunch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It'd be three in the afternoon, and these guys who'd been playing pool from 7 p.m. | ||
| the night before were still playing. | ||
| And still talking shit to each other, and they're all just gacked up on speed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Until somebody broke. | ||
| Yeah, there was speed guys and then there was the guys who were the natural guys who get mad at the speed guys. | ||
| He needs that shit in his system. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He can't fucking play me like a man. | |
| Should I take testosterone? | ||
| Would it make me feel more? | ||
| You should go to a doctor and find out what your testosterone levels are. | ||
| When I went for my physical, it wasn't low. | ||
| Oh, you're good to go. | ||
| It's got to be lower than it was when I was 17. I'm sure it is. | ||
| And there's some strategies to lift it up, and one of the best ones is stop eating bread. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it! | |
| Some people think that's actually true. | ||
| Some people think that one of the best ways to keep your hormones strong is to have less inflammation in your body. | ||
| Less. | ||
| And carnivore diet, like any diet where you're eating very little carbs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably will boost it a little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good for people that have autoimmune issues for some strange reason. | ||
| When people cut out bread and pasta and sugar and even vegetables, some people with psoriasis, it just goes away. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's weird, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's extreme. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did it for a month. | ||
| It's a weird way to live your life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get tired of... | ||
| It does feel great, though, to, you know, I'm not going to live that way, but when it's just, when you don't have any of that and just have some of your elk or whatever and vegetables and just eggs the next morning and just, even just for like two days, you feel like different. | ||
| Really, you feel different. | ||
| It's like a person who doesn't fly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you're eating healthy food, I mean, healthy food is the number one building block for your body. | ||
| You have to think about it like if you're making your body... | ||
| Your body is essentially building itself up all the time and regenerating tissue and regenerating cells, right? | ||
| We all know this. | ||
| If that's happening, what is it doing it with? | ||
| What are you providing? | ||
| What kind of protein? | ||
| What kind of vitamins? | ||
| Cool Ranch Doritos! | ||
| Holy cow! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're going to have to build a house with this shit! | |
| And it's got to build your body with this horrible foundation. | ||
| You should almost look at it that way. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. | ||
| I don't think there's anything wrong with eating a little bit of bullshit every now and then. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But you're literally using it as fuel to power your body. | ||
| You want to give it the best fuel possible. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I know people like my friend Cam Haynes. | ||
| He pours water into cereal because he won't use dairy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| What about a nut milk? | ||
| You'd never catch that motherfucker drinking nut milk. | ||
| Nice little almond milk. | ||
| It's too hard. | ||
| It's too hard of a man. | ||
| But he pours water onto cereal. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| Just don't eat cereal, man. | ||
| Don't eat cereal, yeah. | ||
| If he wants the cereal, he just doesn't want any dairy. | ||
| Some people just look at food as fuel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just fuel. | |
| I know, I know. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Yeah, and look, if you're living that way, that's fine. | ||
| Not me, baby. | ||
| Not me, baby. | ||
| A bottle of wine, some nice bread, some nice cheese. | ||
| Once in a while, sit outside with your wife and just have a nice little moment. | ||
| That's not about fuel. | ||
| That's about something else. | ||
| It's about living your life. | ||
| Yeah, there's enjoyment. | ||
| There's pleasure in those meals. | ||
| Yes, 100%. | ||
| Yeah, like pasta. | ||
| I was talking to Adam Perry Lang about food, what he calls comfort food. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, that's a good name for it, that expression that people love to use, comfort food. | ||
| Comfort food. | ||
| Yeah, because that's kind of what's happening. | ||
| It's like giving you a hug in your mouth. | ||
| It is, yeah. | ||
| It's a big cuddly grandma's boob. | ||
| Some real good mac and cheese. | ||
| Right in between grandma's big boobs and her house dress. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You smell the flower on her apron. | ||
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| Oh, whatever you grew up with like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It could just make you five again. | ||
| Especially like things that are like cheesy, like stews or, you know, like just pasta with melted cheese and soft, like lasagna. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Lasagna is such a great creation. | ||
| Oh, it's so good. | ||
| Whatever wizard figured out how to put together that concoction. | ||
| Because think of what they're doing like, hold on, I got a fucking idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We take some pasta on the bottom. | ||
| We took some pasta on the bottom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to put a pasta on the bottom. | |
| I'm going to put a sauce. | ||
| I'm going to put a cheese. | ||
| More pasta. | ||
| Don't forget the meat. | ||
| Don't forget the meat. | ||
| Oh, the fucking pork. | ||
| It's all about the pork. | ||
| We are going to have three times meat. | ||
| Three times meat. | ||
| He just stacked it in there like this meat and pasta cheese sandwich. | ||
| Another layer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, another layer! | |
| And then the tomato sauce. | ||
| And you know there's no ifs, ands, or buts. | ||
| That's not good for you. | ||
| You don't give a fuck. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| No one's got nutritious pasta that's like lasagna. | ||
| There has never been an athlete that was at the podium with a medal around his neck saying, I'd like to thank the people that made my lasagna. | ||
| There's something about it, though. | ||
| Like when you're eating it, you're like, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I don't care if this is bad for me. | ||
| This is so good. | ||
| I make that on Christmas Eve. | ||
| Oh, it's such a good thing to make. | ||
| Oh, and it becomes like, you know, because it's a lot of work. | ||
| You're only doing that a couple times a year. | ||
| And when you do it, like now the kids all think of Christmas Eve as the time for the lasagna. | ||
| I mean, that's memories, that's love, that's all of that stuff wrapped into one. | ||
| My grandmother used to make her own pasta. | ||
| She did everything. | ||
| Everything was homemade. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I grew up with that. | ||
| When I was a little kid, I remember when I was over at their house, my grandmother, she had the rolling pin, the flour, and she's making the dough, and she's pressing everything and pouring the flour on it and pressing it again. | ||
| A master. | ||
| Where was this? | ||
| Where was she? | ||
| Jersey. | ||
| New Jersey. | ||
| She was reckless, this lady. | ||
| She would cut a loaf of bread towards her with a giant-ass knife. | ||
| Like this. | ||
| I'm like, your tits, Grandma! | ||
| Your tits are right there! | ||
| Don't cut yourself! | ||
| I kept thinking, she's gonna cut herself. | ||
| Never. | ||
| She's been doing it every day for her whole life. | ||
| Yeah, her whole fucking life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Reckless lady. | ||
| Oh, that's the best. | ||
| Cut towards your tit with a giant old knife. | ||
| But you knew when you walked in there you were going to be fed. | ||
| The only thing they didn't make is bread. | ||
| We would get bread. | ||
| My grandfather had two places he would go in the neighborhood that we would go, and he would take me on a walk with him to get the bread. | ||
| It was only a couple of blocks away. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| It was wild, man. | ||
| Italian immigrant cooking. | ||
| That was my grandparents, too. | ||
| And what was amazing, too, is... | ||
| Even when they weren't going all out, if they just did something simple, it was like the most mind-blowing. | ||
| She used to make the escarole, which was just like this leafy, oh, just Tommy, just take this, take a little piece of bread, just have that. | ||
| And it was like, come on. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Come on, to your knees. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She would make these little twists, these little pasta twists. | ||
| And it was all fresh pasta. | ||
| So when you bite into it, it was like it had this chew to it that was so satisfying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| With the homemade tomato sauce. | ||
| Bro, it all came from my grandfather's tomatoes that he would grow in the backyard. | ||
| She would do the whole thing from scratch. | ||
| Boil the tomatoes and make the sauce and add the garlic. | ||
| The kitchen, you'd walk in and you'd be like, I'm fucking starving. | ||
| What is happening in here? | ||
| I always said as soon as I got out of the car in the driveway, the smell would just carry you into the house. | ||
| Oh, the tomato sauce. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The smell. | |
| So good. | ||
| The garlic. | ||
| Good for your soul. | ||
| Good for your soul. | ||
| I'll never forget that, man. | ||
| I'll never forget watching her make things. | ||
| She wanted to make it for everybody. | ||
| She wanted everybody to eat her homemade pasta. | ||
| Oh, she knew she was good at it. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| We would go crazy. | ||
| She would serve us and she'd just look at us and be like, oh my god, grandma. | ||
| Was it a big family? | ||
| Did you have cousins and stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Everybody would come over. | ||
| Before she got sick, she had a stroke. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| It was horrible, man. | ||
| How old? | ||
| She wasn't that old and she lived for another 12 years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They thought that she had 48 hours to live. | ||
| The doctor was like, you know, she's got maybe 72 or something. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Say goodbye. | ||
| She's in bad shape. | ||
| 12 years. | ||
| She had a stroke, and no one knew. | ||
| She fell down outside. | ||
| She had a hemorrhage, and she fell down outside, and they didn't find her for a half hour or something. | ||
| No one knew that she'd been out there. | ||
| That's the whole key with stroke is speed. | ||
| Yeah, that's what they say, right? | ||
| But we only learned that last week. | ||
| Oh, that's brutal. | ||
| Yeah, aneurysms are crazy, right? | ||
| Everything's fine, and then one day, just boom, things start bleeding. | ||
| No, I don't like to think of those at all. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| God, but you got enough years in where she was cooking? | ||
| Yeah, but it was also, I did, but it was also just for life, for me, for a life lesson, to see someone who you knew was, you know, always like this larger-than-life character. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My grandmother was, she was really fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She was really weird, too. | ||
| She would wear wigs and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was a strange lady, but a powerful lady. | ||
| And then to see her confined to a bed for the rest of the time that I saw her. | ||
| And then when I moved to New York, when I was 23 or 24, when I first moved to New York, I stayed with them because I didn't have any money. | ||
| And my grandparents lived in this neighborhood that was really deteriorating. | ||
| Their next door neighbor, like the fucking, the DEA broke down his front door with a battering ram. | ||
| He was sat on crack and shit. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| Heavy. | ||
| The neighborhood got heavy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But to stay with them while, you know, they're in the twilight of their life, and my grandmother was in really bad shape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So she would, like, moan all the time, make these horrible noises. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| For years, kind of a thing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It lasted a long time, man. | ||
| But it made me, the lesson was, okay, you have to really savor the moment because they can go away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can go away quick. | ||
| And also, you got to take care of your body. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like you have to. | ||
| And no one from her generation did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Forget it. | |
| They were just trying to survive, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| She was a kid during the depression. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So people that were kids during the depression, man, they were scared. | ||
| Yeah, they didn't eat. | ||
| I mean, they had no joke. | ||
| Not like, now I'm starving. | ||
| Like, real starving. | ||
| Yeah, like, terrifying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Terrifying times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, and you saw how they treated food that whole generation. | ||
| Like, my grandmother wouldn't throw anything out. | ||
| There was no waste. | ||
| Because they always felt like a ride around the corner could be another time when you're not going to have it. | ||
| Also, you didn't cook anything new. | ||
| You just ate the leftovers. | ||
| You had to eat your fucking leftovers before you cooked some new shit. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I always feel wasteful when I think of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's one thing that hunting does, for sure. | ||
| Like, you feel very differently about things that you don't use. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
| It's like, if I don't use, you know, a piece of chicken, I don't feel as bad. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But if I don't use a piece of elk, I'm like, oh my god, I feel terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm always erring in the side of cooking too little. | ||
| Or I make some so I can eat the next day. | ||
| But I eat it the next day. | ||
| Like, I like to eat it with... | ||
| Like, there's a chipotle lime mayonnaise that Primal Kitchen makes. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| It's like avocado oil mayonnaise, and it's got a little bit of kick to it. | ||
| I eat the elk in the morning with that. | ||
| The cold elk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Cold elk with this chipotle lime. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| Mayo. | ||
| Oh, it's so good. | ||
| Yeah, it's avocado oil. | ||
| Oh, man, oh, man. | ||
| Super good for you. | ||
| It tastes delicious. | ||
| That's so good. | ||
| And it gives you the fats, too, because, you know, that elk's super lean. | ||
| Yeah, that's so good. | ||
| That stuff is so good. | ||
| I mean, I've been living on it all during quarantine. | ||
| It's crazy, right? | ||
| So good. | ||
| So good. | ||
| I mean, even like when I bought one steak during the time from the supermarket, and it just wasn't as good. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Yeah, I can't even explain why. | ||
| It's just a different kind of meat. | ||
| Yeah, it's just... | ||
| You've got to realize, those are warriors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're eating warriors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know them. | ||
| I snuck up on them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is not conjecture. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is fact. | ||
| This isn't from a pen. | ||
| I was actually there while they were screaming. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got to honor that. | ||
| There's not, it's a connection to it. | ||
| First of all, it's better for you, for sure. | ||
| Like, it feels better for you. | ||
| Like, God damn, this is good. | ||
| And also, there's a connection that just doesn't exist with your food in any other way. | ||
| It's even if you grow something. | ||
| Growing something is great. | ||
| Like, I've grown vegetables and fruit and stuff and eaten it. | ||
| It feels good that you're eating something new. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| But when you eat a piece of elk from an animal that you stalked, shot with a bow and arrow, that's off the charts. | ||
| That connection's off the charts. | ||
| It's gotta be. | ||
| I mean, because even just knowing you and knowing that you hunted for it has an effect on my eating it. | ||
| Dude, I can show you a video of that animal getting shot. | ||
| You can almost be there when it happened. | ||
| Yeah, it's heavy. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It's totally different. | ||
| Well, this is a thing that happened during this quarantine. | ||
| So many people got interested in hunting. | ||
| Big shift. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Giant shift. | ||
| Because people realize, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This whole food supply chain, this might not be stable. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Like, if you can't drive a truck because everybody's got the zombie plague. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, how the fuck do I get a hamburger? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't get a hamburger. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Look at Wendy's is out of hamburgers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Wendy's. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fucking Wendy's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They ran out of hamburgers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh. | |
| Yeah, they don't have any beef. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| Right, so that's not everywhere, and they don't want people to fucking panic, and they think they can solve all this. | ||
| And in fact, I think, didn't the government step in and say they were going to start buying people's meat and milk to make sure that the supply chain doesn't get interrupted because of financial hardship? | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| And they want to make sure these farms don't fucking go under. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| We're not growing anything. | ||
| We're not... | ||
| Where are we getting our food? | ||
| So there's a lot of people that started thinking about hunting. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Isn't it funny? | ||
| Like all that stuff. | ||
| Cooking at home. | ||
| How about guns? | ||
| The bread baking at home. | ||
| The hunting. | ||
| All those things that you had to do for centuries. | ||
| And then only in this brief moment have you not had to do any of that stuff. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Those food chains like Wendy's. | ||
| I mean that's a new thing that became that easy. | ||
| And then all of a sudden it's back to being worried about where the food comes from. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Wendy's says they have plenty of burgers, but they had a small problem at some stores because they deliver fresh beef and they want to keep it fresh. | ||
| Yeah, they ran out. | ||
| They ran out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Nobody ever thought that would happen to some Wendy's places. | ||
| How many stores was it where they ran out of it? | ||
| Some. | ||
| It's all of them, bitch. | ||
| Stop lying. | ||
| You ran out of beef. | ||
| It's really ironic because remember their commercial? | ||
| Where's the beef? | ||
| That's literally the thing they put back out. | ||
| Like, where's the beef? | ||
| They're really good at Twitter. | ||
| Oh, that's what they said? | ||
| Since you've been asking. | ||
| Funny. | ||
| Well, it's because that's why their burgers are delicious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, if you have a choice, like, 1 o'clock in the morning, that's my spot. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if there's nothing else open. | ||
| If I go to Wendy's, it's way better than most of those places. | ||
| I never go there. | ||
| It's fresh! | ||
| Eating the elk too, what's interesting is, and it might be what they add to it, but if I go to a steakhouse and have a steak, I can't sleep that night. | ||
| I'm having meat sweats in your gut. | ||
| Yeah, it feels weird. | ||
| I could eat the same amount of the elk, and I think I just digest it quicker. | ||
| I think all that bread bacteria in your stomach, it won't tolerate any incoming troops from other factories. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| You know, because you get the gut flora, I think. | ||
| You know how that happens? | ||
| Like if people that eat a lot of sugar, for instance, you eat a lot of candy, your body starts craving that shit, and your gut flora wants candy all the time. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| What is that candida? | ||
| That's what it's called, that type of... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one of the gut floras. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, I have really good gut flora. | ||
| Mouth of steak. | ||
| But yeah, like if I eat a big steak at a steak, but it's also tons of butter and, you know, who knows what else you're eating with it. | ||
| But I think the elk is just lean. | ||
| I think it's just lean. | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It has an energy to it, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Deer meat does as well. | ||
| Deer meat has an energy to it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what my brother-in-law and sister, he in Jersey from hunting. | ||
| They're just living on that. | ||
| Do you think you could ever hunt? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think probably. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what you should try? | ||
| I could hunt. | ||
| You should try to go to Lanai. | ||
| Lanai? | ||
| Yeah, because there's an animal there called an axis deer that we hunt, and it's really delicious. | ||
| It's also an invasive species. | ||
| They have way too many of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They hire snipers to come in and shoot the deer. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not like anything you've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lanai has 3,000 people, super nice people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really cool place. | ||
| 30,000 deer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
| These are just estimates. | ||
| Might be 20,000, might be 30,000. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| There's so many, man. | ||
| So does it even feel like hunting? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, for me, because I'm doing it with a bow and arrow, it's very difficult. | ||
| Very difficult. | ||
| But for a rifle hunter, it's 100% success rate. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| But you will actually be doing good. | ||
| See, the thing is, you can look at it one way. | ||
| You can say, oh, is it even hunting? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, what's your goal? | ||
| Is your goal for it to be really difficult or is your goal to be successful in gathering meat in an ethical way? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So if your goal is just to get the meat in an ethical way, it's 100% successful. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it's 100% a good thing to do because they have to do it anyway. | ||
| And the food is great for you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, look, it's kind of similar to golf in a way. | ||
| Golf is a really great game. | ||
| It's thoughtful. | ||
| There's bonding with it. | ||
| It's challenging. | ||
| It's all that stuff. | ||
| And then there's a faction of it that's filled with douchebags. | ||
| Filled with guys who you don't want to talk to, you don't want to be friends with, who are just big blowhard douchebags. | ||
| Finance guys. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's, I'm sure, in hunting and in everything else, there's that same thing. | ||
| It's people like, what you just described is like, I would do that in a second. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then there's other people that just kind of like abuse it and have like, we're throwing our beer cans into the world. | ||
| There's way less of those people than you would imagine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's way more people that respect it. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| But there's also different kinds of hunting. | ||
| There's mountain hunting in Colorado or Utah or Wyoming or Montana. | ||
| That's the hardest shit. | ||
| That's gorgeous, though. | ||
| There's a special level of hunter that's a fitness fanatic, backpacking. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the top of the food chain world. | ||
| It's like the bow hunter that lives off his back, that goes into public ground and hikes 9, 10, 10, 12 miles in, shoots it out, carries it out on his back. | ||
| Literally takes like eight trips to do. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Those are like athletes that get their food from hunting. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, those are exceptional people. | ||
| Yeah, I never thought of that. | ||
| Like, what happens when... | ||
| How do you get it out of the woods? | ||
| See, my friend Adam Greentree, he's the guy who shot that buffalo up there. | ||
| He went to Colorado. | ||
| He went to a couple different places where he was out in the woods for 28 days by himself, solo. | ||
| 28 days? | ||
| 28 days until he finally got an elk. | ||
| And he put it all on his Instagram. | ||
| And then he had to pack the elk out. | ||
| But in those 28 days, he documented everything on his Instagram stories. | ||
| And one of them, he had a fucking encounter with a grizzly bear. | ||
| So a grizzly bear kept bluff charging him. | ||
| And he had a pistol that had the wrong round in it. | ||
| So the pistol wasn't even effective. | ||
| So he's pointing a gun at the grizzly bear. | ||
| And if you're looking at it, you can tell that the gun is jammed. | ||
| Like the bullet isn't even in the, it's not even in the chamber. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He gives the wrong round. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| So meanwhile he's pointing this dummy gun thinking he's going to stop this bear. | ||
| And the bear's just running at him. | ||
| And he didn't even realize it until after this was over that the gun didn't work. | ||
| He got the gun from somebody else to protect him from bears while he's out there. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| 28 days, that's a long time. | ||
| But dudes, there's videos of the bears, like, looking at them, standing up. | ||
| Watch this video. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, that's him? | ||
| That's him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She comes a third time. | |
| But you see how the gun's jammed? | ||
| See that hole? | ||
| Right. | ||
| See that opening? | ||
| That's because the round's not in the chamber. | ||
| So he's getting this pistol and she's standing up in the background. | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| While she's going to drop down and then you realize, oh my god, that's a bear. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And she kept charging him. | ||
| Holy cow. | ||
| She bluff charged him three times. | ||
| Oh, she must have had cubs around or something. | ||
| Yeah, that's what he thinks. | ||
| And they just decide that you're a threat, and sometimes they follow you around, too. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Where are you sleeping that night? | ||
| He sleeps in a tent. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Sleeping in a tent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what else they do? | ||
| They put these little electric fences around their tents. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| To protect themselves, little battery-powered fences. | ||
| It gives the bear a little jolt. | ||
| I never heard of that. | ||
| Yeah, they do that in grizzly country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that new? | ||
| That sounds new. | ||
| No, they've been doing it for decades. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder when they invented that. | ||
| It's pretty cool, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is cool. | |
| They stick it in the ground, and then they have a big car battery that powers the whole fucking thing. | ||
| You get up to pee at night. | ||
| You piss on it. | ||
| Yikes! | ||
| Yeah, that's a different kind of connection to your food. | ||
| He takes it on a whole other level. | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| I'm not good enough to do that. | ||
| But there's something to all those kind of... | ||
| It's just being thoughtful about any stage of it. | ||
| Like your grandmother making the pasta. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That thing, that she's actually doing it. | ||
| That action, it changes it. | ||
| It changes her relation to it, the relation that she has in feeding somebody else. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| There's something deep about that. | ||
| Yeah, and there's something cool, too, about ethnic food that comes from the people that are the actual immigrants themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they brought this food over. | ||
| I mean, my grandparents came over here when they were young. | ||
| It's not like they were actually driving the boat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were just kids once they got to America. | ||
| But they carried with them this connection to the immigrants. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The ones who actually decided they were going to take their babies and get on a boat and go across the ocean with no job prospects. | ||
| Not really sure what was going to happen. | ||
| Never been in the place before. | ||
| Didn't even have a picture of it, probably. | ||
| Your first trip is I'm moving there. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And you've got kids. | ||
| So they came over. | ||
| They were young kids. | ||
| Both my grandparents. | ||
| Yeah, mine too. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Imagine being you, if you had no job prospects and you had two young children and you go, okay, this is what we're going to do. | ||
| We're going to put everybody in a boat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we're going to go to the other side of the planet because I heard there's jobs there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no kidding. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| How about the people that are just walking with their kids, just walking, just going towards something else? | ||
| I mean, the desperation of people to be in that spot. | ||
| Oh yeah, well how about people before houses? | ||
| You know, you still have kids, you still have babies, but you can't even lock them in the house because you haven't invented houses yet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're like, shit. | |
| I mean, you really stop and think about the hardships that other human beings have faced. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| It makes our hardship seem so trivial. | ||
| And I think that's part of the problem that people are saying, like, hey, yeah, this isn't great, right? | ||
| This pandemic is not good for anybody, but I don't know if you guys are handling it the way I would handle it. | ||
| And I don't know if you should be able to tell me how I can handle it. | ||
| I don't know if this is logical anymore. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And that we have to accept these hard times. | ||
| And we have to figure out another way to do it other than just standing still and waiting for it to go away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's very strange. | ||
| Because our society is kind of in place standing still. | ||
| No. | ||
| And think about how short it's been that we've had to figure it out. | ||
| Real quick. | ||
| I mean, March, April, May, three months of trying to figure out how real the threat is and what we're going to do with it. | ||
| Dude, I was driving down the street today and I saw this lady walk across the street with a mask on. | ||
| And I was like, oh yeah, there's a pandemic going on. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I know. | ||
| For a moment, I got so used to how weird everything is. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That I forgot, and then I see this lady walking across the street, and I was like, oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| We're in the middle of that. | ||
| This is happening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is going to be one of those things where we look back. | ||
| We go, that's the moment where I realize that life doesn't follow a pattern like the movies. | ||
| That life is just weirdly random, and sometimes you find out that the people that are in charge of making the decisions for everybody else are no better at it than you or I. They just have the job of doing it. | ||
| Making it up as they go along. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know, I know. | ||
| Can you imagine if it was up to you? | ||
| No! | ||
| If you said, hey, Tom Papa, you're a funny guy. | ||
| Why don't you tell us how we should restart the economy? | ||
| Yeah, right, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, and one of your decisions... | ||
| People are going to be dying on your watch regardless of which way you go. | ||
| And we're going to blame you. | ||
| Yeah, and you're going to be blamed for it. | ||
| I don't envy them at all. | ||
| Did you see that lady who got into it with Trump? | ||
| No. | ||
| This reporter, first of all, she was asking a question with a mask on, which was like, settle down. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Everybody there had to have a mask on. | ||
| But he didn't have a mask on. | ||
| And she took it off when she got mad. | ||
| Oh, she did? | ||
| Yeah, play it. | ||
| Play the video. | ||
| She took it off when she got mad. | ||
| So this is what happened. | ||
| She was saying, why are you bragging about how many Americans have been tested and that the United States tests more people than anybody when 80,000 people have died? | ||
| Like, why is this a competition for you? | ||
| And so he says... | ||
| He said that you should ask China. | ||
| He said people are dying everywhere. | ||
| If you want to ask someone about that, you should ask China. | ||
| And she says, why did you say that specifically to me? | ||
| Because she's Asian. | ||
| And then he goes, thank you, next question to someone else. | ||
| And then this lady steps in, and she was like, I have a question. | ||
| And then she wanted to let her talk, was going to give her question to that lady. | ||
| So she'd ask again. | ||
| This is something that reporters are doing now. | ||
| It's adorable. | ||
| The president says, next person. | ||
| And he goes, sir? | ||
| He goes, yes, you. | ||
| He goes, I'd like to give my colleague this question. | ||
| And then they give it back to her. | ||
| So the reporters are forcing him to ask questions in a really sneaky way. | ||
| And it seems like they're all in on it. | ||
| So when one of them has some sort of a contentious exchange with the president, and the president says, next. | ||
| So they say, sir, over here. | ||
| He goes, you. | ||
| He goes, I'd like to give this question to my colleague. | ||
| I'm giving it back to Bob. | ||
| It's some crazy keep-away game they're playing. | ||
| And she goes, why are you saying that specifically to me? | ||
| Because she's Asian. | ||
| And he goes, I'm not saying it specifically to anybody. | ||
| I'm just saying, you should ask China. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The US is doing far better than any other country when it comes to testing. | |
| Why does that matter? | ||
| Why is this a global competition to you if everyday Americans are still losing their lives and we're still seeing more cases every day? | ||
| Well, they're losing their lives everywhere in the world. | ||
| And maybe that's a question you should ask China. | ||
| Don't ask me. | ||
| Ask China that question, okay? | ||
| When you ask them that question, you may get a very unusual answer. | ||
| Yes, behind you, please. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| Watch when she gets masked off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sir, why are you saying that to me specifically, that I should ask China? | |
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I'm not saying it specifically to anybody. | ||
| I'm saying it to anybody who would ask a nasty question like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not a nasty question. | |
| Please go ahead. | ||
| Okay, anybody else? | ||
| Please, go ahead in the back, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have two questions. | |
| No, it's okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll go over here. | |
| But you pointed to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have two questions, Mr. President. | |
| Next. | ||
| Next, please. | ||
| You called on me. | ||
| I did, and you didn't respond, and now I'm calling on the young lady in the back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please. | |
| I just wanted to let my colleague finish. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. | ||
| I just want to let my colleague finish. | ||
| They know how to do this. | ||
| They have this little sneaky move. | ||
| They've done it before. | ||
| It's been pretty interesting. | ||
| They've come up with ways to deal with... | ||
| To get around the angry substitute teacher. | ||
| It's so strange to see a guy who's the president, regardless of whether or not you think he's handling anything well. | ||
| It's so strange to see that. | ||
| He's supposed to be the media guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's supposed to be the guy that's like... | ||
| Savvy. | ||
| The savvy television performer guy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And to handle that that poorly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I don't understand why it would take so little for him to have... | ||
| His numbers would be through the roof. | ||
| But this is what happens. | ||
| They're playing a game, right? | ||
| And they just won that hand. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because the game is... | ||
| Talk condescending to you. | ||
| Why is it a competition to you when all these people are dying? | ||
| People are dying all over the world. | ||
| If you want to know why, you should ask China. | ||
| That's a good answer to a question that's a gotcha question, but then she makes it racial. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Because it wasn't necessarily racial. | ||
| He did come in with a hard cha. | ||
| He did China, but he does that. | ||
| China. | ||
| But that's still not racist. | ||
| I know. | ||
| So if he was talking to a white man, and the white man said that to him, and he said, you should ask China, he would say the same thing. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| The worst case scenario that that question gets asked by a lady with a mask on who's Asian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
China. | |
| And then she gets mad and she takes the mask off. | ||
| Let motherfuckers know she's not even playing by the rules anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Are you racist? | ||
| It is a beehive of an environment there. | ||
| It is, but I don't know if that's helping anybody to chastise him and to get him riled up, and I don't think it's helping anybody the way he's biting. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's a complete breakdown of what that... | ||
| That used to be. | ||
| It's not what it used to be. | ||
| It's like this weird gotcha competition and then him getting pissy. | ||
| The fact that he stormed off like that. | ||
| It's a TV show. | ||
| We're watching a TV show. | ||
| We're not watching the adult telling us if it's going to be okay. | ||
| You're so right. | ||
| And during a pandemic, that is the worst time for some shit like that. | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| You just want some consolidation of real information. | ||
| Just tell me how to feel. | ||
| Dude, I remember after 9-11, people hated Bush. | ||
| They thought he was really dumb and he couldn't spell. | ||
| And then that was Dan Quayle. | ||
| But that was his insurance policy, right? | ||
| Dan Quayle was so boring. | ||
| No, but people hated Bush going into that. | ||
| They hated him. | ||
| But then after 9-11, he had some speeches that made, even people that I knew that were hardcore liberals, like, all right, I love this guy. | ||
| I love what he's doing. | ||
| It's a moment when you rally. | ||
| Yeah, but he really rose to the occasion, too. | ||
| George Bush, after 9-11, he gave people a sense of comfort. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| You see people craving it. | ||
| We're craving it. | ||
| That's why when Cuomo and Newsom speak, and they just give you reassuring Very controlled. | ||
| People gravitate. | ||
| You're just like, okay, you just want to hear that. | ||
| Giuliani was the same way after 9-11. | ||
| It was like, okay, you're making me feel better. | ||
| That made Giuliani's reputation the way he handled it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Like a leader. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You don't pit people against each other in a tragedy. | ||
| But it's unfortunate that he can't see that, and he keeps getting caught. | ||
| It's like he's boxing with someone who's piecing him up. | ||
| These things keep happening, so he keeps having these exchanges where these heated exchanges and words get said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bizarre. | |
| It's really strange. | ||
| The last one was the one where he went off the fucking script where he was talking about therapies. | ||
| Maybe we could get some disinfection. | ||
| It kills it in a minute. | ||
| We'll put it in there. | ||
| A cleansing. | ||
| You see the woman next to her eyes coming out of her head. | ||
| She's taking deep breaths so she doesn't pass out in the middle of it. | ||
| She was like... | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| So then after that, he responds that he was sarcastic. | ||
| The reporter's asking him, he said he was sarcastic. | ||
| He should have said, look, I'm not a doctor. | ||
| This is just an idea. | ||
| Because that's really what it was. | ||
| It was like, I might have done that on a podcast. | ||
| I'd have to be drunk. | ||
| You'd have to be drunk. | ||
| You'd have to be out of your mind. | ||
| I've never seen you smoke that much weed. | ||
| I can get there if you leave me alone long enough. | ||
| I'll say something that dumb. | ||
| I've said the dumbest shit of my life on this podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hi. | |
| Not that high. | ||
| But here's the thing that came out of it, which is really fascinating. | ||
| There was an actual publicly traded biotech company that came up with an idea to get, when intubated people, to get an ultraviolet light tube down through that into the lungs and illuminate. | ||
| Because using ultraviolet light, you can kill bacteria. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can kill viruses. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons why they have those things like SteriPens where you go backpacking. | ||
| You can get some water out of a creek and you just use this ultraviolet light. | ||
| It kills everything inside that water. | ||
| So they actually had this bio company, publicly traded company, put out this video on how this can be done. | ||
| Well, their account was banned from Twitter. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Is it a real company? | ||
| Yes, it's a real company. | ||
| And they let them back eventually. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But this is how toxic this relationship with the president is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Where the president says something on TV. Yeah. | ||
| And then people go, what the fuck did you say? | ||
| Get light into people? | ||
| And then this publicly traded biotech company is like, actually, we've already been working on that. | ||
| And this is the concept. | ||
| And this is the science behind it because UV light kills back. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You're banned. | ||
| They banned They banned them. | ||
| They banned a biotech company from Twitter. | ||
| Now, they brought them back once it was explained to them. | ||
| But any other time in history, like say if this was going on 10 years ago, and there was a virus, and the virus is infecting people's respiratory systems, and someone said, while these people are being intubated, we can actually stick a light through the same tube that the ventilator uses, and we'll illuminate the lungs. | ||
| We could actually probably kill a good deal of this bacteria. | ||
| People are like, oh, medical breakthrough. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you've had a complete disintegration, right? | ||
| That's the result of a breakdown. | ||
| And that's why it doesn't work in communist countries. | ||
| You can't trust the source for your information. | ||
| That's what we're at in a democracy. | ||
| No one can trust the source. | ||
| We're all scrambling. | ||
| Does this one know? | ||
| But it's a direct result of his toxic relationship with the press. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because people who are with him are so with him and people who are against him are so against him. | ||
| And it's almost like people with him, part of the reason why they're with him is because they're so against all these other fucking whiny, bitchy, liberal people that fucking, that side's just so annoying. | ||
| I'm going with Trump. | ||
| He tells him to fuck off. | ||
| That's my favorite part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He makes those people angry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a terrible relationship. | ||
| It's bad for everybody. | ||
| It's awful because if at any moment we should be uniting and taking care of each other, it's now. | ||
| It could make a big difference to us because it's like if someone could get on television and come up with something that was not just comforting but actually accurate and useful. | ||
| Give us something to do. | ||
| Tell us what to do. | ||
| And if we could all act as one for the good of the country, we would come out of this stronger, better, ready to go. | ||
| Our whole life, we grew up thinking, we're Americans. | ||
| We can do anything. | ||
| We can do it. | ||
| Just give us a challenge. | ||
| We can do it. | ||
| And to now have this breakdown like, no, we're split apart and doing separate things. | ||
| Not only that, it's the only time in people's lives where things are failing, businesses are failing, and they did everything right. | ||
| Right, I know. | ||
| They did all the right things. | ||
| Right, working hard, doing the thing, busting ass. | ||
| They were smart. | ||
| They saved their money. | ||
| They invested. | ||
| They got a thing going. | ||
| It's getting going, and we got a successful business. | ||
| They developed a great relationship in the community, and then... | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Shut down for months. | ||
| No. | ||
| Rent's piling up. | ||
| No one's getting paid. | ||
| Your mortgage is due. | ||
| Your car payment's due. | ||
| Your credit cards are due. | ||
| You gotta buy food. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And you see how quick that goes away. | ||
| So quick. | ||
| So when you hear shit like, stay at home until July, fuck. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| You can't just say that. | ||
| No, you can't just say that. | ||
| Well, I think it's from a healthcare person who's making the suggestion, but I think the... | ||
| It's not the right decision. | ||
| There's other options. | ||
| I think a better option is quarantining the people that are sick. | ||
| I don't know if that's possible, because I'm a moron. | ||
| Sounds good to me. | ||
| But I think it's not even my idea. | ||
| It's an idea that everybody's had. | ||
| A lot of people have had. | ||
| If you're really vulnerable, don't go. | ||
| If you've got a bad knee, you don't get to ski. | ||
| It's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| It's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| We'll be all right, Joe. | ||
| We're going to be okay. | ||
| We better be Tom Papa. | ||
| We're going to be all right. | ||
| I'm getting bored. | ||
| I know, me too. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| Oh, I can't wait to be walking into the club, seeing you in the back, hearing the crowd out front. | ||
| I know. | ||
| All that energy. | ||
| I'm looking forward to a lot of things. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| I'm looking forward to a lot of things. | ||
| Musso and Franks. | ||
| I'm looking forward to not feeling bad. | ||
| Not about me, not at all. | ||
| About seeing all these stories. | ||
| I was reading this guy's Twitter page, this jujitsu guy that I follow, and there's this lady who owns this gym. | ||
| It's Tom DeBlass, T-O-M-D-E-B-L-A-S-S. On his Instagram, he had photos of this lady crying because her gym is going under and this gym that she's had for 10 years and that they can't survive it. | ||
| And so you see shit like that and you're like, this is another example, like someone who didn't do anything wrong. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And then all their hard work just goes away. | ||
| This is the lady. | ||
| It's horrible, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's terrible. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| I know. | ||
| What is the name of the gym? | ||
| She'll rally. | ||
| She's motivated. | ||
| If she could build that business, she'll be back. | ||
| Ironside Fitness Gym. | ||
| She can do it. | ||
| She'll go into personal training. | ||
| Yeah, see at the bottom if you can find that. | ||
| Ironside. | ||
| What is the Instagram account? | ||
| It's not? | ||
| He didn't tag it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I don't know where that is. | ||
| I think he's a Jersey guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Just that kind of shit. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Let's get out of this already. | ||
| And then, of course, the people that have lost their lives, that's way worse. | ||
| Of course, of course. | ||
| Of course, that's way worse. | ||
| No one's saying it's not. | ||
| But this is fucking sad, too, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sad that people build up these incredible communities. | ||
| They build up this relationship with their customers and the people around them, and it all goes away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's brutal. | ||
| I know, it's hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
From China! | |
| China. | ||
| All because of China. | ||
| Ask them. | ||
| Just turn down the cha. | ||
| What bad luck he got that that lady was Asian. | ||
| If she said that, if he was talking to anyone else, and they said that they wouldn't be able to say, why are you saying that specifically to me? | ||
| Like if it was a black man asking her that question, or asking him that question. | ||
| Why are you asking China? | ||
| Why are you saying that specifically to me? | ||
| She pulls the mask down. | ||
| Why to me? | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And also she's like yelling with no mask on now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like you're violating all the rules. | ||
| You can't just get mad. | ||
| Like fuck everybody. | ||
| You're gonna die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Spray her. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| Virus breath everywhere. | ||
| Horrible environment. | ||
| What for him, man? | ||
| He must be like, I can't win. | ||
| Horrible environment. | ||
| All I did in my life is win. | ||
| Win, win, win, win, win. | ||
| Rappers used to put me in their songs! | ||
| When he came out and talked about the ratings that he was getting off of these, it was just like, alright, I can't. | ||
| He said the ratings were higher than the season final of The Bachelor. | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| That's when I was like, this is not real. | ||
| What are you talking? | ||
| This can't be real. | ||
| What are you thinking? | ||
| This can't be real. | ||
| Yeah, it's so crazy. | ||
| That's the opposite of what we're saying George Bush did after 9-11. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Rally. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Be a leader. | ||
| That's what leadership is. | ||
| Say something that makes you get inspired. | ||
| Ronald Reagan was the best at that shit, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Just rally you. | ||
| You made you feel like, oh, we can do it. | ||
| We could do anything. | ||
| Before people hated him, they didn't hate him really until like a second term though, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| By the end, people were really mad at him. | ||
| Parts of the country always disliked him. | ||
| If you were poor, if you were a minority, you were never a fan. | ||
| But he would give a speech. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| With a powerful voice. | ||
| He was an actor. | ||
| He was an actor. | ||
| He's a reality shit-stir. | ||
| That's what those, right? | ||
| That's what reality stars are. | ||
| They stir shit up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Reagan was an actor. | ||
| He could give you the big monologue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a difference. | ||
| Do you remember when he's, I don't know if you ever saw this, but he was addressing the United Nations and he was talking about how quickly we would all join together if we were faced with a force from outside this world. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a crazy speech. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because all the UFO people went nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He knows! | |
| He fucking knows! | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a great speech, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Like, we would realize all our differences are bullshit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If aliens had invaded us, we would all unite as human beings. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what's weird about this. | ||
| You could kind of have that moment now. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| That's why I brought it up. | ||
| Someone could say that. | ||
| We need to unite. | ||
| Someone could say... | ||
| This is us. | ||
| But they have to say it in a way... | ||
| People of planet Earth. | ||
| It can't be self-congratulatory. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| You take yourself out of it. | ||
| But he does too much of that. | ||
| You put it in the power of the people you're talking to. | ||
| That's the technique. | ||
| But imagine being him where your whole life you've gotten ahead because you're self-congratulatory. | ||
| That's his whole thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's his whole thing. | ||
| His whole thing is just letting everybody know you're the shit. | ||
| And then all of a sudden you can't do that anymore. | ||
| How much can you make an adjustment in your 70s while you're the president? | ||
| And you have to make an adjustment and be someone who you've never been. | ||
| All of a sudden you're not the shit. | ||
| You can't even say you're the shit. | ||
| What a terrible job. | ||
| So awful. | ||
| I'd much rather be a comedian. | ||
| Or you'd much rather be publishing. | ||
| Tom Popper, you're doing great. | ||
| It's available now everywhere. | ||
| Audiobook available now everywhere as well. | ||
| Yeah, audiobook too, for sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks for writing the blurb. | |
| And other reasons to stay alive. | ||
| My pleasure, brother. | ||
| Yeah, really cool. | ||
| Thanks to the bread. | ||
| I appreciate you, always. | ||
| And have to come out on the podcast. | ||
| Yes, we'll do it. | ||
| Teach me your ways. | ||
| Breaking bread, baby. | ||
| Wizard bread making. | ||
| And where is the podcast available, the Breaking Bread? | ||
| Wherever your podcasts are, wherever you get them. | ||
| Visual as well. | ||
| On YouTube, yeah. | ||
| YouTube. | ||
| Yeah, me and Segura do the first one together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful, beautiful. | |
| And it was really great. | ||
| He told all these great stories about his grandmother, his mom making all these sweets. | ||
| I'm telling you, just once you start talking about food, we'll have to talk more about your grandparents and everything. | ||
| We'll do it, for sure. | ||
| All right, cool. | ||
| I love you, buddy. | ||
| You're the best. | ||
| Love you, too. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| So good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was fun. |
Export Selection