April 23, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:17:43
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| And we're live. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Smoking a blunt. | ||
| I know. | ||
| This is your celebratory blunt. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| I'm still a little bit... | ||
|
unidentified
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That felt like getting an AIDS test. | |
| But you're clean. | ||
| You're good. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But you knew you were healthy. | ||
| You feel good. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't felt like I had something. | ||
| So you were worried you were one of the asymptomatic people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They said as many as 60 to 70% could be asymptomatic. | ||
| Right, so I was like, I don't have it, but now I've got to drive all the way back. | ||
| That's why it's such a creepy disease. | ||
| There was an Anderson Cooper thing we were talking about earlier, where the mayor of Las Vegas was on with Anderson Cooper, and he was describing to her how one asymptomatic person can go to a restaurant, and it showed this chart of all the people that got infected by this one. | ||
| How did they get infected? | ||
| Just the air? | ||
| Just the air, yeah. | ||
| So he's trying to tell... | ||
| This is completely theoretical. | ||
| First of all, I don't know. | ||
| The people that are saying this from China, I mean, maybe they touched the same things. | ||
| Maybe there was a bunch of different factors. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm guessing it was just because of the air. | ||
| But I don't trust a goddamn thing they're saying that's coming from China. | ||
| If they're saying something, it's been approved by the government. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| What's that paper? | ||
| The Epoch Times? | ||
| Epoch? | ||
| Yeah, Epoch Times. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It's like, they'll be critical of China. | ||
| But I think the guy that owns it is a Falun Gong guy. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| So I've seen criticism. | ||
| What is the difference? | ||
| Well, Falun Gong is that persecuted Tai Chi religion in China. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| China's fucking crazy, dude. | ||
| Epoch Times is a multi-language newspaper founded in 2000 by John Tang and a group of Chinese Americans associated with the Falun Gang spiritual movement. | ||
| So who is he again? | ||
| I don't know who John Tang is. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Falun Gong? | ||
| Falun Gong. | ||
| It's like Tai Chi, but I guess China considers it a cult. | ||
| What? | ||
| So they crack down on them like they're Uyghurs. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, and it's just like meditation shit. | ||
| Qigong exercises with a moral philosophy centered on tenets of truthfulness, compassion, and forbearance. | ||
| Holy fuck, I might have to join. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I've been looking for a good cult. | ||
| The epic times, guys. | ||
| I've been saying this for years. | ||
| I want a good cult. | ||
| Come up with a good one that doesn't try to fuck me, doesn't take all my money, and it's not like one guy gets to bang everybody's wife. | ||
| Okay, stop banging your wife. | ||
| I'm going to bang your wife. | ||
| They always play out like that. | ||
| They do that gorilla, that fucking classic chimpanzee dominance thing where you lose face and balls. | ||
| Well, I would have said Jehovah's Witnesses was a good cult. | ||
| Because I'm not really bitter at Jehovah's Witnesses. | ||
| Well, let's tell everybody who doesn't know, because people might not be aware of your background. | ||
| You grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. | ||
| You're one of my friends that has the most rock-solid rules on not tolerating horse shit. | ||
| Because when people start bullshitting and saying nonsense, you're always the guy that's like, I know where this goes. | ||
| Yeah, well, for something like that, I'm hyper... | ||
| I am very, like, hypersensitive to culty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just don't want to go along with a thing because you have to go along with it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| And, like, come on, we're doing this. | ||
| That attitude is important. | ||
| Well, I just... | ||
| That's the reason I left... | ||
| Jove's Witnesses. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I didn't want to have that. | ||
| Then, when I got out in the world, you can't escape it. | ||
| All these people that claim to be secular, that jump down your throat online or something like that, it's all the same shit, but they just got rid of the Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, they got rid of the higher power. | ||
| The love of Jesus Christ, they just got rid of that. | ||
| It's a pattern, right? | ||
| It's a pattern. | ||
| Yeah, I guess a set of habits. | ||
| It's comforting. | ||
| A comforting routine, I guess. | ||
| But it's, I mean, the thing when people do it to people. | ||
| It's almost like whether they're doing it because you're not a believer in Jesus, or you're doing it because you're not a vegan, or you're doing it because you don't support gender pronoun freedom. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| That hardcore, you can sort of fit that mind into a bunch of different slots. | ||
| Yeah, this is what I do believe from religious people. | ||
| There is a human need for what religion fails. | ||
| And it's like, you know, hey, great, you got rid of Saddam, but now who's taking over? | ||
| I'm not so gung-ho on the, like, we need to get rid of, like, the Bill Maher level of atheism. | ||
| He's like, grow up or die. | ||
| That, like, I think he's not understanding, you know, some people need that. | ||
| And it's nothing to do with smart or stupid. | ||
| It's just a very deep feeling of belonging. | ||
| And if you don't get it from God, there's going to be, you know, there's worse shit to get it from. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's some moral tenets if you really adopt Christianity. | ||
| Some of my favorite people are Christians and pretty hardcore Christians, people that I really like. | ||
| Here's one. | ||
| Listen, if you ever met a Christian, they're delightful. | ||
| It's just they're like unicorns. | ||
| There's probably like three of them. | ||
| The rest of the people are on a football team. | ||
| You know who's a real Christian in an admirable sense of the word? | ||
| It's Chris Pratt. | ||
| Guardians of the Galaxy guy? | ||
| Yeah, I've heard that. | ||
| I've never met him. | ||
| He's one of the nicest guys I've ever met. | ||
| He's so nice and genuine and right there with everyone. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's very religious. | ||
| But I'll tell you what, man, if that's what it is, it's like if following those tenets the way that guy does, it turns you into that kind of a person. | ||
| He's an admirable person. | ||
| That's how you're supposed to... | ||
| It's not supposed to be... | ||
| You know, you're preaching at people. | ||
| Your behavior is supposed to be the witness. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so people that come into it, a lot of times that's why they do. | ||
| They go, well, I saw this guy. | ||
| I'm like, if that's what that is, I want to be that. | ||
| You know what it's like? | ||
| It's like they've got to abandon the goofy stories. | ||
| If they just came out and said, listen, it's our belief that living in this way With this belief in a higher power and that holds you to a higher standard of behavior. | ||
| If all of that along with these tenants, you know, loving thy neighbor and treating each other as brothers and sisters as if we were all one. | ||
| Just all that. | ||
| You just got to stop saying someone came back from the dead. | ||
| You got to stop saying that. | ||
| Well, even those goofy stories, which I always would say that when I left. | ||
| A lot of them still work as metaphors, you know? | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| The ones that... | ||
| There's people at all levels of smarts, and they all need a thing to get on board. | ||
| So some people need a goofy story to get on board. | ||
| Like I said, I don't think that's the linchpin that's harming it. | ||
| I think it's just... | ||
| I don't believe that it transforms people's hearts. | ||
| Like, there's people that I saw when I was in Jehovah's Witnesses that they had a fucked up life that they turned around. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| But I don't think that that... | ||
| It fundamentally changed anything but their behavior. | ||
| They were just who they were, and this gave them a window to be, you know, like a good person. | ||
| Well, it's sometimes just a scaffolding. | ||
| You just need something to sort of build on, hold on to. | ||
|
unidentified
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A structure. | |
| A lot of people never had a structure. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| So, you know, but if you're a psychopath, it's not going to change you into a not a psychopath. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's going to be horrible because you're going to apply your psychopathic tendencies to the religion. | ||
| Well, and you see that, right? | ||
| I mean, the worst of the evangelists, that's what you're seeing, right? | ||
| You're seeing a con man who's found a tool that's beyond reproach. | ||
| Well, some of them are just like, you know, they're like, almost like, same as Marilyn Manson when he, you know, he had his thing that he did, Marilyn Manson, but he was ultimately like a guy that's going to play golf like Alice Cooper, like... | ||
| Hey man, I'm doing a show here. | ||
| That's what those guys... | ||
| Steve Martin made that movie... | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Where he's... | ||
| Leap of Faith? | ||
| He plays like a TV preacher. | ||
| And he... | ||
| Because he saw this documentary about a real guy named Marjo... | ||
| Who copied Mick Jagger. | ||
| So he would go to these churches and do moves like Jagger for these old ladies. | ||
| And he would talk about it. | ||
| And he was just openly saying how it was a scam. | ||
| Anything you're making money off of like that, it doesn't go together. | ||
| That's how you know automatically the guy's full of shit because he's making a ton of money off it. | ||
| If they're a preacher. | ||
| Yeah, you're not supposed to get rich. | ||
| How come Jesus didn't get rich? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And especially when you get like arena rich. | ||
| Like you're buying arenas. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Like what's that guy's name? | ||
| The Joel guy? | ||
| Joel Osteen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, these guys come out of nowhere. | ||
| He's trying to do the least harm. | ||
| They're like pop singers. | ||
| They're like pop singers. | ||
| I don't know about them until they get so huge that they break through the public vernacular. | ||
| It's like pop singers. | ||
| Like I just learned who Billie Eilish was. | ||
| I didn't know this whole time. | ||
| I'm like, she doesn't know who, Van? | ||
| My sister had to inform me about Adele. | ||
| She goes, you know that song, Hello? | ||
| I go, no, I don't know that song. | ||
| You never had heard it just like... | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I've been fortunate to dodge a lot of... | ||
| Not her, not in a bad way against her. | ||
| I think she's got an amazing voice. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| But you just haven't seen a lot of horse shit. | ||
| Dude, I'm old. | ||
| You're very talented. | ||
| I'm an old white guy who likes rap music and classic rock. | ||
| Hey, I'm just an old one. | ||
| I like my classic rock. | ||
| I like Led Zeppelin. | ||
| I like... | ||
| Oh, yeah, right. | ||
| So you knew who Van Halen was, not like Billie Eilish. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| Of course. | ||
| Dude, Van Halen. | ||
| But it's just like, at a certain point in time, I'm taking in too much music. | ||
| I don't have time for all this new stuff. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's an age where I was like, weren't we just talking about a different something I didn't care about? | ||
| Well, you know what's interesting about music is our lifetimes and our parents' lifetimes are the first times in human history where people had music collected where they could listen to it over and over and over again. | ||
| Our grandparents were probably the first. | ||
| My grandparents came over from Italy and from Ireland in the early 1900s. | ||
| So when they were coming over here, I guess they had record players, but how prevalent were they? | ||
| And what kind of music did they have? | ||
| I thought they had to stand around the window of a rich person's house, like a slave cranks the handle. | ||
| But, like, where was the recordings? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, they weren't that prevalent. | ||
| There certainly were some. | ||
| You know, they had recorded music before then. | ||
| But it's not like it was on your phone. | ||
| Didn't we send, you know that gold record we sent into space that has, like, a picture of, like, a transphobic picture of a man and a woman? | ||
| Does it have a dress? | ||
| Does a woman have a dress? | ||
| The woman has a dress and there's just those two. | ||
| Doesn't she just have breasts? | ||
| Do you know what the image looks like? | ||
| Oh, dude, it's hilarious. | ||
| And then the music, like some blues guy, like old Catfish Willie or something. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So just got some cool shit to make us look interesting. | ||
| Here's our drawing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's on gold because we're flossing. | ||
| This is what we're into, dude. | ||
| They sent it on a gold plate, you know. | ||
| It was like a gold record. | ||
| Yeah, it's on a gold plate, but the drawings made me laugh because they're all like stick figures. | ||
| I watched that movie Contact the other night. | ||
| With Jodie Foster? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck, it's amazing. | ||
| Dude, I forgot how good it was. | ||
| Holy shit, is that a good movie? | ||
| A lot of it's good, but you weren't annoyed that the aliens are like, we're going to look like your dead father because you couldn't handle... | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
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I can handle seeing aliens. | |
| Is it? | ||
| But there's images of males and females. | ||
| You've got to flip it over to the B-side. | ||
| Yeah, there it is on the other side. | ||
| Yeah, where's the man and woman? | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| There's two tits on the bottom. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Isn't it in there, though? | ||
| Yeah, I thought there was. | ||
| Maybe it's something else we're thinking of? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But I swore there were images on that thing. | ||
| Of what humans look like. | ||
| So why is different discs have different images? | ||
| There's not more than one disc, is there? | ||
| Are we sending mixed messages to them? | ||
| Something's coming up, but it's not a picture on the gold thing. | ||
| Are there titties on this record? | ||
| What do they look like? | ||
| Is it recognizable? | ||
| It's like someone just drew it, though, on a piece of paper. | ||
| And like I said, this is on there. | ||
| The Pioneer plaque? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, whatever it is, in the movie Contact, they got that recording and they sent it back to Earth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that movie, like... | ||
| It had a cool, like, how it might go down thing about it. | ||
| So much about it was cool. | ||
| It's just the end. | ||
| The end was like, come on, man. | ||
| And the guy who blew himself up, like the religious dude who blew himself up, like that was a little cartoon. | ||
| I swear. | ||
| I thought you were just going to say the guy who blew himself. | ||
| I'm like, well, that was an interesting part. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| Yeah, who was the guy that blew himself up? | ||
| I think it's Gary Busey's son. | ||
| Jake Busey, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, he's great in it. | ||
| I met that guy recently. | ||
| And also the idea that, you know. | ||
| He's great in this movie. | ||
| This was like a piece of paper called Pioneer 10. Oh, that's it. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| This was not the same as that gold thing. | ||
|
unidentified
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Okay. | |
| This was 72. The gold thing was 73. Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, this was the first then. | ||
| And then the record was a different thing. | ||
| Okay, we conflated the two. | ||
| So go to the image again. | ||
| Let me see the image. | ||
| Let me see the guy's dong. | ||
| Go to the one on the left. | ||
| That one right there. | ||
| Yeah, make that one big. | ||
| Is that what they're gonna think dongs are? | ||
| He's like, hi, here's my dick. | ||
| And she's like... | ||
| Now, most human dicks don't come past the balls. | ||
| And I like how they had the woman built like a real woman. | ||
| She's not like a porn star woman. | ||
| Well, where's her penis? | ||
| Gave her a little bit of an ass. | ||
| Her penis? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, hi. | ||
| Where's penis women on here? | ||
| Isn't that a... | ||
| I mean, it's a weird... | ||
| Yeah, if they show up and think we're down to party and everybody's all bundled up... | ||
| Well, that image is showing us how ridiculous we, like, assume the aliens would think our clothes are. | ||
| Yeah, what if the aliens send theirs back and they're fully clothed? | ||
| And like, why did you guys... | ||
| Why did you send me a dick pic, you fucking weirdos? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's an intergalactic dick pic. | |
| We actually sent a dick pic to space. | ||
| It's an intergalactic dick pic. | ||
| And it's an unnecessary dick pic too. | ||
| No one looks like that when they're waving to you. | ||
| That's sending a bad message. | ||
| Like, hi, I'm naked. | ||
| Here I am. | ||
| No, you'd be covering your dick and balls like, hey man, where the fuck did you come from? | ||
| Can't just look at my dick and balls. | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| I like that they didn't really put a vagina. | ||
| They just put, like, here's the important parts. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Well, you see the penis? | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| And the vagina's like... | ||
| And then she Barbie dolled. | ||
| They Barbie dolled the... | ||
| The woman's little Barbie dolled. | ||
| Where's her pubes? | ||
| Where's everybody's pubes? | ||
| Is this on a porno set? | ||
| This is a porno set. | ||
| How come they got hair in their head? | ||
| They don't have hair in their box. | ||
| Well, when was this sent out? | ||
| They probably did have hair. | ||
| 72. Hairy as fuck. | ||
| This is misleading. | ||
| This is misleading. | ||
| So they were very futuristic back then when they drew that. | ||
| They were really into porn. | ||
| They were way ahead of their time. | ||
| And why does the guy have such Caucasian hair? | ||
| That's my other question. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| What percentage of the population has hair that looks like that? | ||
| It looks like a young gnome Chomsky's hair. | ||
| It's just a weird image. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| Hi, aliens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's my dick. | ||
| But also, it's weird in just that... | ||
| We're kind of acknowledging that superior intellects would think clothes are weird. | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| We're letting them know. | ||
| Underneath all our Adidas and our fucking jeans. | ||
| They must have argued about that, too. | ||
| They must have had a long conversation. | ||
| The people that are funding this are like, really? | ||
| We draw on a dick and send it out to the aliens? | ||
| Who is funding it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, who is making the call? | ||
| Sounds like the cowboy guy from The Simpsons. | ||
| It was probably a Nazi. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Honestly, like legitimately. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Didn't we get all like Wernher von Braun? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dude, Wernher von Braun was a legit Nazi. | ||
| They used to hang the slowest Jews in front of his rocket factory in Berlin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| The Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive, they'd prosecute him for crimes against humanity. | ||
| What do you mean the slowest? | ||
| Do they have a race? | ||
| They had some thing where they would make everybody work faster and harder by killing the slowest guys, the slowest girls, whoever the Jewish prisoners, and they would hang them. | ||
| I remember him from a Disney thing about rocket science. | ||
| He was a part of Operation Paperclip. | ||
| There he is, right there. | ||
| And Operation Paperclip imported all these Nazi scientists to run NASA. I knew that, but I didn't know... | ||
| He's a part of that. | ||
| I thought he was always like, no, I wasn't with those guys. | ||
| Bro, look at him, chilling. | ||
| Go to that picture again. | ||
|
unidentified
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Hold on, sorry. | |
| Just stop and think about that. | ||
| This dude was a Nazi in Germany during World War II. Comes back and he's running our space program with his feet up on a desk. | ||
| Do you want to go to space or you want to get hung up on people's Nazi pads? | ||
| For real, that's what it does. | ||
| You want to get a dick pic to space or not? | ||
| They got this genius bilingual motherfucker to come over here and show us how rockets are done. | ||
| They were ahead. | ||
| They were ahead with rockets. | ||
| They were ahead with engineering. | ||
| Attell goes, they're all ahead with science because they plug an extension cord into a Jew to try to invent a computer. | ||
| Attell. | ||
| I miss him. | ||
| He's the guy that, like, I don't want him to not be doing stand-up. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| For this downtime. | ||
| You know, he's... | ||
| I don't know anybody who does as many sets as Dave. | ||
| Oh, dude, I like calling, because I always know what Tim Cole, because he's got, there's no, you know, it says no number, and it's like a really ungodly hour, like... | ||
| He was killing me, dude. | ||
| He wanted to make a prank show called Prankistan, where it's just Middle Easterners doing pranks on people. | ||
| The most inappropriate pranks. | ||
| He shouldn't be taking time off. | ||
| When do you think we'll be able to do stand-up again? | ||
| I was going to ask you. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| That's the problem, right? | ||
| When everyone can get a test for COVID-19? | ||
| No, the problem is when... | ||
| You think that'll be it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't realize that the tests were so... | ||
| They're around. | ||
| I thought... | ||
| Is it just in some states they don't have the tests? | ||
| Well... | ||
| Some places don't have them, and there's that. | ||
| There's also that there's some tests that are FDA approved and some aren't. | ||
| And why that is the case, I'm not going to speculate because I really wouldn't know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Probably whoever fucking... | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I would be pretending if I knew. | ||
| Whoever flew on the Epstein plane with the FDA guy. | ||
| But the company I use is, they're very confident that their tests work, and they say, even though they're not FDA approved, it's for your well-being, for your own knowledge. | ||
| Is it that they're incorrect mostly with false positives, or they won't tell you and you did have it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| Because if it's false, if they tell you that you had it and you didn't, that's not quite as bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a little more safe than sorry than a... | ||
| The doctor said they've had many positives. | ||
| They've had plenty of positives. | ||
| And a lot of people that just had like a little bit of a cough for a few days and went away and it turned out to be positive. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and some people with no symptoms at all. | ||
| Okay, so if you just had a cough and went away in a few days, does that mean you don't get... | ||
| That's a good question, right? | ||
| Does that mean that you're immune? | ||
| No one knows. | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| They really don't know. | ||
| It's a new disease. | ||
| Whenever something's new, it's like there's guesswork going on. | ||
| It's like, who knows? | ||
| They don't really exactly know. | ||
| They know a few things about it. | ||
| They're learning more. | ||
| Aren't they getting lots of help from China? | ||
| There's plenty of help. | ||
| The lady, the Las Vegas mayor, Anderson Cooper. | ||
| So Anderson's explaining this to her. | ||
| And he's in a restaurant in China. | ||
| She's like, China! | ||
| This is Las Vegas, Nevada! | ||
| This isn't China! | ||
| He actually said to her, wow, that's very ignorant. | ||
| That's an incredible... | ||
| It was indicative of how those are, first of all, indicative of how those are not real conversations. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| You're going to talk about something that complicated it shouldn't be. | ||
| You're over there. | ||
| I'm over here. | ||
| There's like a fucking thing in your ear. | ||
| You don't even see me. | ||
| And you're just talking into a camera, which is what a lot of those are. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| Anderson Cooper is one of the ones that loves... | ||
| He loves, like, pretend performative, oh, I can't believe this, and he's like, keep it coming. | ||
| Yeah, keep it coming, baby. | ||
| What's it? | ||
| Don't remember him as Donald Sterling? | ||
| When Donald Sterling was like, when Magic had those aids, I used to pray for him and all that shit. | ||
| And I watch Anderson Cooper in the beginning go, warning, it might be kind of shocking. | ||
| Like, is it? | ||
| Like, it looked like he was holding in, jizzing his pants every time the guy would say another word. | ||
| Well, he's very good at his job. | ||
| He must enjoy some of that. | ||
| He must enjoy catching people saying stupid shit like that. | ||
| I mean, that's like what their whole job is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Las Vegas, Nevada! | |
| I mean, I do appreciate it. | ||
| What does that mean that disease doesn't spread the same way with people from Vegas? | ||
| First of all, people from Vegas are from the whole world. | ||
| That's what's ridiculous. | ||
| Look, there's a ton of Chinese people gamble a lot. | ||
| A lot! | ||
| Like, there's probably in Vegas before anywhere. | ||
| Bro, they build casinos to the standards of Chinese people. | ||
| Like, if there's things that are not feng shui, like, here's an example. | ||
| The MGM. He had to walk in through the mouth of a lion. | ||
| They don't have black people in? | ||
| And they were like, check, please. | ||
| We're not walking through a lion's mouth. | ||
| They had to change the fucking facility. | ||
| Yes, it's bad luck! | ||
| You can't walk into a fucking lion's mouth. | ||
| It does make sense, by the way. | ||
| It totally makes sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What are you, stupid? | ||
| I have that superstition now that you mentioned it. | ||
| Especially if you're gambling? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, come on, babe, I'm going to take these motherfuckers down. | ||
| And then you're walking through a lion's head. | ||
| You're like, goddammit, it's a trap. | ||
| I'm so stupid. | ||
| I walked into the lion's mouth figuratively. | ||
| Can they make it like a dragon's head or like a better luck animal? | ||
| I don't think you're allowed to walk through an animal's head. | ||
| That means the animal's eating you. | ||
| They're more sensible about it than we are. | ||
| What if it's a very lucky dragon and it's eating you? | ||
| That's gotta be good. | ||
| Yeah, it's like you gotta be in the belly of the beast in order to get the magic. | ||
| No, they're not dumb. | ||
| They're not gonna go through that fucking lion's mouth on their way to a den of gambling, trying to win money from this multi-billion dollar machine. | ||
| Maybe if you didn't slaughter every rare animal to get a fucking six-inch boner, you wouldn't have these bad luck problems. | ||
| Dude, can you imagine that whole rhino horn thing? | ||
| Like you're over some dude's house and you're like... | ||
| Would you like some rhino tea? | ||
| That's what it was, right? | ||
| The principle is literally just because it has a fucking horn that looks kind of like a dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't have anything dick-like on your person as an animal in China because somebody will be like that. | ||
| Somebody's got to snort powder of that. | ||
| Well, I talked to a friend of mine about this. | ||
| He knows a lot about Chinese culture. | ||
| And what he said was that it's not really that they think it's going to give them a boner, because they know about Viagra, but it's that it shows that you have this. | ||
| So it's a very difficult thing to get. | ||
| Did you ever go there? | ||
| I've never been to China. | ||
| I've been to Taiwan, though. | ||
| Taiwan is very different, I think. | ||
| I've never been to Taiwan, but I went to the, you know, mainland, the big island of China. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was the most materialistic, like, you know, having big labels on your clothes. | ||
| There's all these fake Ed Hardy jackets that I guess are very expensive. | ||
| And it would have, like, remember Minnie Pearl that had that big price tag on her fucking head? | ||
| It was, like, that big. | ||
| And it would be hanging off a very obviously not Ed Hardy jacket. | ||
| Dude, there's a sneaker where it's in style to wear the label. | ||
| We had a shit fit about it on this podcast. | ||
| What's it called again, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Off-white shoes. | |
| Yes, there you go. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's a giant plastic tag. | ||
| I hope it's a GPS tracker that just tracks dummies. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| Look at all these dummies with these tags on their feet. | ||
| Let's see what they do. | ||
| The people that keep that shit on their feet. | ||
| Let's see what they do. | ||
| That's the biggest insult you could say to someone. | ||
| It's like, I heard you're poor. | ||
| That's a terrible, terrible insult there. | ||
| Why would it say, I heard you're poor? | ||
| It's just a way that people insult each other. | ||
| Like, oh, you're poor. | ||
| That's the meanest thing you can say. | ||
| I mean, it's probably not the meanest. | ||
| Go walk in a tiger mouth is the meanest. | ||
| You're talking about in China. | ||
| So if someone says, I heard you're poor, that's like the worst insult they can say to you. | ||
| Calling you poor. | ||
| The I heard part is just... | ||
| That's just how it came out. | ||
| Just calling you poor is like the ultimate insult. | ||
| Yeah, so everything... | ||
| It's like an 80s movie bully... | ||
| You know what's important about that? | ||
| Whether it's North Korea or China, it's important for us to realize that there's styles of living that work. | ||
| And one of the big ones that works is freedom. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| And this is the best place for that freedom style of living is right here. | ||
| And then you realize that in this same day and age, not a small country, but a country with three times as many people as us can be controlled by a military dictatorship. | ||
| Well, dude, I was shocked. | ||
| It sounds like a weird thing to say, but I was shocked by how much more freedoms they had. | ||
| And I don't mean... | ||
| You're not free to like, hey, fuck you, the government. | ||
| You're not at all. | ||
| Don't even go home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At all? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| If you said anything like that, they would come after you. | ||
| No, when I did comedy, you'd say, any political shit you want, just nothing about China. | ||
| And at the time, I was like, I don't know anything about China, so fine. | ||
| So... | ||
| But you could just smoke wherever, like the hospital. | ||
| You could, like my friend, we went to go eat at some hot pot place. | ||
| That was like the only Chinese food I had was hot pot, it's called. | ||
| And we couldn't find parking. | ||
| And he fucking parked on some stairs, like the front stairs to a building. | ||
| He just parked like that. | ||
| And I was like, are you allowed to park here? | ||
| And he goes, it's fine that it's late. | ||
| The cops went home. | ||
| The cops just go home at night. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, so that's why they had to have that. | ||
| So, you know, it is like 1984-ish, but that social credit system where they can't possibly police that many people. | ||
| The cities I went to were like three New York City cities all next to each other in a row. | ||
| Like, it's enormous. | ||
| It's like fucking Judge Dredd. | ||
| It looked like going to the future is what it looked like. | ||
| Everybody had a mask on. | ||
| I got a theory, man. | ||
| And my theory is, if you look at all the old, old cultures, like so many of the old, old cultures, except for parts of Europe, but a lot of the old Asian cultures, they still, like they've been around, like what country's been around longer than China? | ||
| Yeah, that's a massive point of pride. | ||
| It's like you get an inverse kind of, like in America's, it's like new money compared to old money, like the... | ||
| My point was, I wonder if after a certain amount of years, even a real valid democracy eventually gives in to the weight of people's instincts to control each other. | ||
| I wonder if China's the most controlling, but it's the longest surviving country, right? | ||
| Somebody told me that they've had the same government this entire time. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It's just been the same way forever and you just change the names of stuff. | ||
| So that's really what communism is. | ||
| The part of communism they're taking is like the state control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But they have like a very like no welfare system kind of – it feels like an 80s movie. | ||
| Like greed is good if it has that feeling about – you know what I mean? | ||
| And also, I was shocked how good the comics were. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, well, all the streaming stuff is there. | ||
| So, you know, whatever. | ||
| They've seen all your comedy. | ||
| So they have like, I was just surprised. | ||
| Like, oh, this is like, they get how to do stand-up. | ||
| So, were they expats? | ||
| Were they people that lived there? | ||
| The shows I did where there were expats and also people from there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| But it's got to be a tricky tightrope to walk doing stand-up in China. | ||
| Dude, not... | ||
| Well, I had nothing to say about China. | ||
| I didn't know any of Winnie the Pooh stuff at the time. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, for someone who does stand up there in China, like locals... | ||
| You have to more... | ||
| I think what you have to worry about is another business, because it's popular. | ||
| People like it, but let's say some guy down the block runs a bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And he's jealous that you're getting business. | ||
| He can go to the interior ministry people and go, they're putting anti-communist propaganda out. | ||
| And then something with a buddy of mine. | ||
| And he knew people at the ministry. | ||
| And they go, listen, we know you weren't doing that. | ||
| But you just can't do shows for six months. | ||
| Because merely because someone reported it, we have to do that. | ||
| So that's the shitty thing. | ||
| This is one of the instinct that people have to do things like that. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I got so upset when LA started offering rewards. | ||
| Snitches get wishes. | ||
| Snitch on social distancing violators. | ||
| So if someone is like high-fiving his neighbor or you go over to the next door neighbor's house, you have dinner or something like that. | ||
| People are snitching people out for money. | ||
| I was already reporting people for high-fives before this virus. | ||
| People are like, they're getting very into... | ||
| Well, don't you think they just figured out, like, the people like that? | ||
| Because when this is the first thing for his hit, people didn't... | ||
| It was funny watching, especially, like, the social jihadis trying to figure out what side of this they're on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're like, well, I don't know. | ||
| So for a little bit they were like, okay, whatever Trump says, I'm against that. | ||
| And then now it's more on the, okay, you've got to social distance. | ||
| Enforcing it, it seems like that group went to that now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And also policing who gets tested. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it seems like this is the new thing now, right? | ||
| It's like, here's the new thing to be outraged about. | ||
| It's like, who is going outside without a mask? | ||
| Who is doing this without gloves on? | ||
| Well, you have to transfer your business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because that was a big business before this, and it's like, how do I adjust my business? | ||
| Because I don't think anyone is outraged. | ||
| Yeah, no one is outraged. | ||
| Do you think they aren't? | ||
| Or do you think they are foolishly focusing on things that are not as important Well, that's if you are serious about it. | ||
| But that's not the people that make a living off doing it. | ||
| If I see it in the media, then it's not sincere. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of that, for sure. | ||
| But there's a lot of things. | ||
| You can't rule out people actually being upset about something that's legitimately upsetting. | ||
| Unless you're making, it's almost like the thing we're talking about, the preacher thing. | ||
| If you're getting rich off it, I don't believe you. | ||
| Well, the problem is it's like a cry wolf thing. | ||
| It's like there are some things that, like, did you see the Elon Musk beef that he got in with someone who is a reporter for CNN? Yeah, why? | ||
| Okay, why are they so anti him? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know, but it didn't make any sense because he said- That's the respirator thing. | ||
| Yeah, and he said, are you aware that there's a search function on Twitter? | ||
| And then they played little semantic games to- Well, he started retweeting these different nurses that are showing these respirators and they're like thanking him and smiling and holding up the Tesla sign and he showed all the different places that are getting these respirators and explained and they're still- They're not going to go back on it. | ||
| They're not retracting it. | ||
| Well, they're not technically respirators. | ||
| They're a different kind of thing. | ||
| And they are respirators, by the way. | ||
| It was different ones from different places, I believe. | ||
| It's ones hospitals asked him to get, and they are respirators. | ||
| They're non-invasive respirators. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| They're CPAP machines. | ||
| But it's pumping oxygen into your lungs, right? | ||
| It's a type of a respirator, isn't it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't have COVID-19. | ||
| I got tested. | ||
| Well, you just did. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| I'm talking out of my ass, but I do know that oxygen goes into those things. | ||
| I mean, that's the whole reason why sleep apnea people wear them. | ||
| No, they're a kind of ventilator. | ||
| And the hospital said, could you get these for us? | ||
| But out of all the shit to give someone a hard time about, it's like he's donating these things for free. | ||
| He trashed the media. | ||
| Didn't he on Twitter be like, doesn't the press suck? | ||
| It's like he wrote Cop Killer or something. | ||
| If you go on YouTube, this guy, Alec Bostwick, he's a reporter. | ||
| I caught a video of his where he's explaining it. | ||
| It's like cops. | ||
| The media's like cops. | ||
| And a PR person's your lawyer. | ||
| So you don't ever talk to the cops without a lawyer, you know? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And we need journalists, we need cops, but the people that abuse it are corrupt, which is like a lot of them. | ||
| There's so many people doing it, right? | ||
| And there's different styles of doing it. | ||
| Well, there's a certain amount of, like, serve and collect where, so now these people, they were talking about COVID-19, like, they didn't know how to handle this for their business of, like, we gotta condemn people. | ||
| It's almost like a fossil fuel they're almost out of. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Of digging your tweets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're like, well, how far back do your tweets go? | |
| And it's like, there's ones they're saving, like, okay, we have these old blackface pics of Tom Hanks or something. | ||
| What about these Indian baseball teams? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| The Braves, the Indians. | ||
| Didn't somebody get mad at Adam Driver because of... | ||
| This one was crazy. | ||
| I didn't even know he was in the military, but he went and served in Iraq because after 9-11, he wanted to go fight against, you know, he said he had a vague, he goes, nothing against Muslims, but I had a feeling of, I want to go fight whoever attacked. | ||
| So, he's Islamophobic. | ||
| There's a whole Twitter. | ||
| Islamophobia thing, which is wild, dude. | ||
| That's how far disconnected Twitter is. | ||
| That section of Twitter that does that, that's how absolutely fucking break from reality. | ||
| Well, it's a new form of communication, and through this new form of communication, people have strengthened ideologies. | ||
| For good or for bad. | ||
| And I think that's just part of what that is. | ||
| That's part of what that is with the outrage Twitter, but it's also part of what that is with all the good stuff, like the scientific debate Twitter and people talking about different issues in the calm, collectible. | ||
| Can't throw out the baby with the bathwater. | ||
| There's a lot of good to what's going on with weird online social discourse, but you're definitely seeing people get enraged and inflamed more often. | ||
| Well, by the way, when you brought up the cult thing in the beginning, that's what it is. | ||
| That's a certain kind of cult, and you can't talk anybody out of being in a cult. | ||
| Especially when I was a deep believer, you wouldn't have shown me any evidence or anything that would have made me turn from my cult. | ||
| When people leave, it's because when you need it to do what it's supposed to do, it didn't do that for you. | ||
| When you needed it. | ||
| So that's how people leave. | ||
| They don't leave because you tell them they're stupid or any of that. | ||
| So all these Sakjas types are the same way. | ||
| As it fails for them, you can see people now like, I'm not doing it. | ||
| Jamie Kilstein is one of the first, right? | ||
| He's the best example, in my opinion, because he's been really honest about how gross he felt when he was attacking people on Twitter. | ||
| I talked to him after, yeah. | ||
| And he was like an ex-cult guy. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, and then they went after him. | ||
| And he was like, oh shit, like... | ||
| No one's safe. | ||
| Well, so it's the running out of fuel for these fucking things. | ||
| It's the fossil fuel? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, they're just going to dig through all of it. | ||
| It's like polluting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why they're going to like 83. 1983, you touch someone's vagina. | |
| Who was 1983? | ||
| 1983, the 1980s one was actually the guy from Star Trek got in trouble. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Picard? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| The guy who's always on Howard Stern's show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sulu? | |
| Yes. | ||
| George Takei. | ||
| Wait, he grabbed a vagina, you said? | ||
| No, he grabbed someone's penis or something. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| In 1983 or something like that. | ||
| Like, legitimately. | ||
| Like, talking about in the 80s. | ||
| I mean, it sounds about right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He said it never happened. | ||
| But it's like if they run out of outrage, if people really run out of outrage and they go searching for it in old television shows. | ||
| There's a lot of movies that if you went searching for them, like outrage, you'd get really mad. | ||
| If you were looking, you watch... | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Well, people are looking... | ||
| Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Who is mad about that? | ||
| Oh, part two? | ||
| Which is the one? | ||
| No. | ||
| The one where he goes to Africa? | ||
| I just watched that recently. | ||
| It wasn't Ace Ventura. | ||
| What was the one where Sean... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it Ace Ventura? | ||
| It was? | ||
| That was. | ||
| Right, where it turns out she was a guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Finkel is Einhorn. | |
| Einhorn is Finkel. | ||
| Oh, no, that's part one, right? | ||
| That is, right. | ||
| That is part one. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's so many old movies, man. | ||
| I watched Tommy Boy the other day. | ||
| There's so many movies that have scenes that you couldn't do now. | ||
| Fucking 30 Rock is all things you couldn't do now. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| You can't do them on the network. | ||
| This is part of the reason for the mad grab for outrage things is stuff like this or anything, YouTube or all that shit, is eating up their lunch. | ||
| And so they went all in selling to the fucking whatever the idea of a millennial on Twitter was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what people were pandering to. | ||
| And they called it on South Park, dude. | ||
| Remember the episode of, what's his name, PC Principle, where they introduced PC Principle? | ||
| So there's a scene when there's two farmers like, well, PC's back. | ||
| How long do you think it's going to be this time? | ||
| He goes, six years. | ||
| And I'll be goddamned, it was back in 2015, and now this shit's petering out. | ||
| It's about six years. | ||
| Yeah, people get mad, and then it's like a jackrabbit thing. | ||
| There's populations of jackrabbits that go up and down every seven years. | ||
| It's very Ebola-esque. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| I think ideas can very well be like diseases. | ||
| And that, you know, they come and go. | ||
| And, like, big ones stick, you know? | ||
| Whether it's a religion or... | ||
| The ones that have... | ||
| Like, this is what I think is going to be in Ebola, ultimately, the... | ||
| The social justice thing is to burn itself out too much. | ||
| Well, too many people inside of it got attacked and felt what it was like to be misrepresented. | ||
| Yeah, and there's no fallback. | ||
| It's also not nice. | ||
| You're supposed to be the good person, right? | ||
| If you're a social justice warrior, one of the first things they think is that they're doing a good thing. | ||
| And that they have an intelligent philosophy, right? | ||
| It's not an idiot's way of looking at the world. | ||
| It's an intelligent way of looking at the world. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's the only way. | ||
| It's called the truth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because they get ideologically driven. | ||
| But I don't think they realize that a big part, if you act that way and you're attacking people, I think you realize a big part of being a person is learning how to be nice to each other. | ||
| And if you just go out of your way to attack people, you don't ever get those people to change their mind. | ||
| What you do is you get those people mad at you. | ||
| You get those people sad. | ||
| They feel upset. | ||
| Well, that sounds like human interaction things, and these are internet people. | ||
| But you can't get them to listen to your opinion and take it seriously if you're disrespectful. | ||
| That's just a tenet of human beings. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| They're socially fucked up people that are engaging in these online wars. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're doing it for these little adrenaline bursts and these little dopamine hits. | ||
| I mean, that is why I do anything. | ||
| But they're addicted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's a weak ass. | ||
| But that's how you get like that is not having to look at someone and say anything, you know? | ||
| So it's just going to burn out because there's no, you know, like Christianity is a very, that's a corona that's going to be around. | ||
| It's been around a long time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They got that game locked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They got their own country. | ||
| Coronavirus, you can get again. | ||
| If I wanted to become a Jehovah's Witness again, and I was like, you know what, I repent for whatever I did that took me out of this, then you can go in. | ||
| So I could become that again. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Jamie Kilstein can never be a social justice warrior. | ||
| You wouldn't let him back in. | ||
| Well, I saw people attacking him and misrepresenting him when he left. | ||
| I was like... | ||
| People told me he raped someone. | ||
| That's the shit that I had. | ||
| No one ever accused him of that. | ||
| And then even when he did leave, it's not like he attacked them. | ||
| What he was accused of is so crazy. | ||
| It's just that Jamie went all in, bashing other people. | ||
| My feeling is- He was accused of flirting with girls or something like that. | ||
| It's so much worse. | ||
| I mean, it's such a long story, but it's so crazy what the actual story is. | ||
| It's just that he went after people. | ||
| And so when you do that, people turn on you like, well, fuck you. | ||
| But you can't be like that. | ||
| If somebody comes out of a thing, you've got to be cool. | ||
| Yeah, that's how you would like people to be in real life, right? | ||
| In real life, I would like everybody to be real reasonable when they talk to each other and hang out with each other. | ||
| But on Twitter, for some reason, people that think they're reasonable people will say some shit that you would never say to someone in real life, because if you did, you'd be such a fucking asshole. | ||
| If you were just looking face to face and you said some of the things that some people would just write to random people on Twitter, you would be a fucking asshole. | ||
| But for some reason, it's like this escape clause where you can write it down. | ||
| You would think the cruelty would create a callousness to it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But it's like people say they're crazy as shit, but then be hypersensitive to anything said. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Their direction. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| It's like we're like both punch each other and that's what we do. | ||
| It's not like that big a deal. | ||
| But they get more raw. | ||
| It's really like an unsatisfying cult to be in. | ||
| It's missing a thing. | ||
| And the big thing, if you want to be right, is you've got to be nice. | ||
| It's not a nice one. | ||
| It's not a reasonable one. | ||
| It's an attacking one. | ||
| And attacking at a lot of things that are very debatable. | ||
| And they just want you to state it as fact. | ||
| I think that's it. | ||
| There's no debate on this. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of things that are very debatable. | ||
| When it comes to any controversial issue, they're controversial for a reason. | ||
| A lot of them, there's debate. | ||
| There's debate that could be had. | ||
| Not if you can shut it right down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what... | ||
| That's the... | ||
| Basically, let's say you were like, hey, something about this seems off and I have an issue with it. | ||
| You wouldn't raise your hand and say that in the... | ||
| Because in the Bible, you don't want to stumble your brother. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, what if your doubt or whatever you had... | ||
| Like, keep it to yourself. | ||
| You know, there's a time to discuss it. | ||
| I don't know when, but... | ||
| The worst thing could happen is you hurt someone else's faith by you saying the thing. | ||
| That's obvious. | ||
| That's in front of your face. | ||
| So that lets in all kinds of horrible... | ||
| What if you hear about like molestations or, you know, children's witness is actually the largest settlement in history. | ||
| Really? | ||
| For that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's not because someone in a position of authority did it. | ||
| It's because they did what all these places do and didn't go to the cops. | ||
| They're like, we're going to handle it. | ||
| And that's, by the way, a bunch of church things. | ||
| Like, if this kind of kid diddling happens, and when it happens, it's really a morality issue of probably the kid. | ||
| Like, we have to see if they need to be married now. | ||
| That's the kind of... | ||
| Well, it's just old-ass Bronze Age, you know. | ||
| How crazy is the Catholic Church? | ||
| Is there another country that is like the Vatican? | ||
| The Vatican's like a country that's inside of Italy, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't it essentially like a... | ||
| No, it's a sovereign nation. | ||
| And is the idea that so that no one can get kicked out? | ||
| Like they can't get extradited to the rest of the free world for crimes? | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I think it's like medieval... | ||
| It has to have something like that. | ||
| I think it goes back a long time. | ||
| But how weird is that? | ||
| I mean, how weird is that? | ||
| Like, if you've got a kid fucking priest and they're holed up in a church over there, you're supposed to leave them there. | ||
| I mean, it's probably the best place for them, right? | ||
| It's not a heavy kid population. | ||
| It's just a bunch of other... | ||
| All religions, by the way, have roughly as much as the Catholic Church. | ||
| Pedophiles? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| All of them. | ||
| Some more so. | ||
| It's just, you know, they actually kind of handled it more, and they didn't do a great job. | ||
| No. | ||
| But their reckoning came that it hasn't really come for a bunch of others on such a large... | ||
| But you don't hear about that with, like, Baptists or Lutherans? | ||
| Of course you do. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You should talk to... | ||
| My friend Brooke was in Quiverful. | ||
| What's a quiver full? | ||
| Remember the show, 19 and Counting? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| With the Duggar family? | ||
| Oh, that's right, yeah. | ||
| And it's like your quiver is supposed to be full. | ||
| Your quiver. | ||
| Yeah, you're just supposed to always be having kids. | ||
| There's a good analogy there, because if you're one of those assholes that has a 20-arrow quiver, that's a lot of weight to carry around. | ||
| I could fit 20 arrows in my wife's pussy now. | ||
| Well, it's like there's a quiver analogy, believe it or not, for archery and particularly for bow hunting. | ||
| Yeah, that probably goes back a long way. | ||
| You don't want to take too many arrows. | ||
| Like one of the best bow hunters I know, my friend John Dudley, he only takes four arrows. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| He only has four because it weighs your bow down. | ||
| He doesn't want a bunch of weight over here on the side of his bow. | ||
| So the analogy is to not have too many kids. | ||
| Yeah, if you have 19. Theirs is like, have 19 arrows. | ||
| I know, but it's a bad analogy. | ||
| But the idea, like, oh, I'm going to have 100 arrows. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But you've got to carry those around, stupid. | ||
| Do you know who founded it? | ||
| And by the way, it's not its own religion. | ||
| It's a thing that if you're just like, you could be a Methodist and you're in that movement. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| I think. | ||
| The founders are some dude who's still there and this chick who, a former feminist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who changed to this, like she went the other extreme. | ||
| That happens too sometimes. | ||
| People flip flop the other way. | ||
| If you thought you didn't like the hyper left kids, wait until they become Republicans how much you're not going to like them. | ||
| Oh, their kids are going to become Republicans for sure. | ||
| There's a lot of them are going to flip. | ||
| A lot of them are going to get older. | ||
| We were talking yesterday on the podcast, I did with Owen Smith, we were talking about farmers, how most farmers, a lot of them are Christian, and a lot of them are right wing. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| A lot of them are right wing. | ||
| I was saying because they're no nonsense people. | ||
| Because they get up at 6 o'clock in the fucking morning every day, and they feed the chickens and milk the cows, and they have to do it every goddamn day. | ||
| They don't want to hear your bullshit. | ||
| They have no time for lazy people. | ||
| They think everybody's trying to make a fast buck. | ||
| And they're out there hustling every day. | ||
| Yeah, no, no. | ||
| If you've never been around it, people who've never been around it have the most TV, like dipshit Hollywood idea of what- Of a farmer. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Hard work. | ||
| Really fucking hard work. | ||
| Yeah, real strong. | ||
| Remember- Those are different kind of people. | ||
| You know Harris Stanton? | ||
| Did you know him? | ||
| He's a comic? | ||
| He was in an accident with Tracy. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| When Tracy's tour bus got hit? | ||
| He was one of them? | ||
| Yeah, he's a lot. | ||
| I mean, he's not dead. | ||
| Oh, you're freaking out. | ||
| Harris, he's from South Carolina. | ||
| He used to be a... | ||
| He was going to play baseball or something and then hurt his fucking leg and became a comic. | ||
| But he fucking... | ||
| One of the strongest fucking people ever... | ||
| Because he used to do tobacco bales. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| It was like southern tobacco farming. | ||
| So... | ||
| It's like, what are they, country strong? | ||
| It's crazy how strong they are. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that is? | ||
| That's actually a workout for CrossFit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A kettlebell workout. | ||
| It's called the farmer's walk, or farmer's carry. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| You take a heavy kettlebell on each hand and you walk with it, so you do work. | ||
| Why don't you just get a job? | ||
| Wow, that is really... | ||
| I would just farm at that point. | ||
| Well, farmer strength is a real strength. | ||
| Like wrestlers always talk about farmer strength. | ||
| It's like an expression. | ||
| I mean, it sounds so close to retard strength, but... | ||
| But I get it. | ||
| But the idea is you're picking up bales of hay all day. | ||
| Like, they're doing things all day. | ||
| And instead of working out, which is like you burn yourself out in an hour. | ||
| No, that's the most tremendous... | ||
| They're just working. | ||
| My friend's dad drove a truck, you know, a tractor trailer. | ||
| And he had, like, Popeye forms. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Because the shifter on his thing. | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| It was fearsomely... | ||
| It was upsetting how strong his dad was. | ||
| And I just remember, like, everybody's dad had a job like that. | ||
| Well, think about some jobs like lumberjack. | ||
| Like a lumberjack, you immediately think of a giant man. | ||
| I think of a paper towel giant. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| For that job, he was a lumberjack, right? | ||
| The paper towel guy, was he a giant? | ||
| The brawny guy's not a giant. | ||
| Paul Bunyan is not the brawny guy. | ||
| Is the brawny guy a ripoff of the Paul Bunyan character? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Paul Bunyan's like the fairy tale or whatever. | |
| But are we imagining the brawny guy incorrectly? | ||
| I have a feeling he's just a regular sized guy. | ||
| I think he's just a handsome... | ||
| He's the kind of guy men and women want to fuck. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He's like a Marlboro Man type character. | ||
| He would be the guy that starts the orgy in the LSD camp. | ||
| Yeah, it's a regular dude. | ||
| Now he looks like Teddy from... | ||
| It's just a perspective thing. | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, there we go. | ||
| I don't remember this guy. | ||
| The other guy with the mustache. | ||
| The guy with the mustache on the left-hand side? | ||
| Yeah, he's just a regular-sized guy with some trees behind him. | ||
| The guy in the top two, is that the same guy or is that different mustache guys? | ||
| The new guy is... | ||
| He died of HIV, sadly. | ||
| That's why we have this new... | ||
| I don't understand why they got rid of the old brawny guy and made a totally different guy a brawny guy. | ||
| This brawny guy looks like he lives in Long Island. | ||
| Yeah, he looks like Adam Carolla. | ||
| He owns a travel company. | ||
| He's got one of them second market ticket sales companies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Strength has no gender. | |
| What is that? | ||
| Is that a brawny commercial? | ||
| Please don't say that's real. | ||
| Strength has no gender. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I guess... | ||
| Why are they in the... | ||
| Wow, it looks really like a lesbian book club of some kind. | ||
| There are definitely women that are stronger than some men. | ||
| So I get it, but... | ||
| First of all, I don't know why a paper towel would tell me anything. | ||
| Well, not only that, why is it assuming that I don't think that women are strong? | ||
| It's assuming it. | ||
| Well, it's not at you. | ||
| It says strength has no gender. | ||
| Okay, listen to this. | ||
| It's at women. | ||
| It's at women. | ||
| Okay, but listen, what if it was us? | ||
| What if it was a bunch of meathead-looking men standing there and said strength has no gender? | ||
| People would be like, hey, fuck you! | ||
| Right. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| We know you're strong. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Women are strong, too. | ||
| Like, okay, I didn't say you weren't. | ||
| I just said strength has no gender, and here's me and my friend. | ||
| Somebody in marketing, that's like whoever does the marketing, they're like, who are the Don Drapers that go? | ||
| What do women want? | ||
| They're white. | ||
| They're angry. | ||
| They don't think they're strong. | ||
| Like, that's the purely the... | ||
| It's like the dumb dad on the sitcom thing. | ||
| That's just like a thing that's been going on for... | ||
| I don't know, forever that image, that insulting fucking... | ||
| Yeah, they're teaching you about life while they're selling you paper towels. | ||
| Because every woman is an engineer. | ||
| Go back to that picture. | ||
| I would feel so sold out if I was a guy, and I was really into brawny, because I kind of look like the brawny guy, and then I go to buy my brawny towels, and there's three chicks! | ||
| They stole their position! | ||
| If you felt like the brawny guy... | ||
| But literally, it's like pregnant men. | ||
| Okay, the brawny guy is a goddamn lumberjack. | ||
| I would assume most lumberjacks are probably big, strong men. | ||
| You don't think he became a gay kind of icon? | ||
| I mean, I understand what you're saying. | ||
| But the idea that they have three female lumberjacks. | ||
| Three! | ||
| Well, you gotta do the job of one man. | ||
| That was a lob. | ||
| A lob for the Grand Slam. | ||
| He has to jack the lumber of one full man. | ||
| This is going to take three of these strong ladies. | ||
| It's just, what are the percentages of women that are lumberjacks and what's the likelihood of three of them being on a team? | ||
| In that picture, he looks like a guy who's about to take a shit a lot. | ||
| And by the way, this is an ignorant question. | ||
| I'm aware. | ||
| If you're a female lumberjack and you're mad at me right now, I'm sorry. | ||
| I don't know anybody that's a female lumberjack. | ||
| I'm just asking questions. | ||
| I mean, they're wearing lumberjack clothes. | ||
| That's what a lumberjack wears. | ||
| Are you posing? | ||
| Is this stolen valor? | ||
| Is this stolen valor? | ||
| Are you pretending you're out there carrying trees? | ||
| You wearing a lumberjack shirt is stolen valor. | ||
| It's stolen valor. | ||
| These aren't lumberjacks. | ||
| These are models. | ||
| These are hot chicks. | ||
| With nice nails. | ||
| They're not out there carrying trees and shit. | ||
| You know, they could, by the way, I'll tell you what, the women that do do that job, I promise they're not going to put on the paper towels. | ||
| They're going to look like you! | ||
| Just fucking put a wig on the guy. | ||
| Look at that one lady with her sleeves rolled up. | ||
| Are you about to go to work? | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| Go to that picture. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| She's got this really thin body, these really thin arms, and she's got her sleeves rolled up with her flannel shirt on in front of a bunch of trees. | ||
| Are you about to chop trees down, ma'am? | ||
| Because you weigh 90 pounds, you better get the fuck out of the way of those trees. | ||
| I think the idea is to make you feel like a lumberjack while you're wiping your counter down, is what they're trying to convey. | ||
| I think we need to be more respectful about what the fuck it means to be a lumberjack. | ||
| You would think that that would be romantic until you did that job eight hours a day, five days a week, and your fucking body's broken down because you're carrying logs on your shoulder and shit, and you're chopping at trees. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Was your father a lumberjack? | ||
| No! | ||
| This is what I feel. | ||
| You can't pretend you're a goddamn lumberjack. | ||
| You can't take a hot model and cover her face with a little bit of coal powder and pretend she's a coal miner in West Virginia getting black lung. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Because she's not. | ||
| That sounds like a great point. | ||
| Unless I believe you, you're not a lumberjack lady! | ||
| And that guy, okay, brawny, what if that was for Similac, and he was breastfeeding? | ||
| Dude, that would be fucking hilarious. | ||
| Just as likely as that lady being a lumberjack. | ||
| Just as likely that the brawny guy is breastfeeding. | ||
| Yeah, I think? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Just as likely. | ||
| Lumberjack is a brutal, physical... | ||
| If a woman's doing it, that woman's going to be jacked. | ||
| She's going to be strong as fuck. | ||
| What's the one that... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jean shirt. | |
| I just left it with that. | ||
| What's the one that kicked off the whole... | ||
| Oh, the Gillette one. | ||
| The one that kicked off the whole fuck men advertising strategy. | ||
| What was that one? | ||
| You know, the fucking Gillette. | ||
| It was a while ago. | ||
| Did I miss it? | ||
| Did I miss some outrage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we talked about it. | |
| You must have talked about it. | ||
| Which one was it? | ||
| It was about... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is this the best a man can get? | |
| And then they would... | ||
| And it was like, the Me Too movement. | ||
| Time's up. | ||
| The guy's looking in the mirror at himself, and then it cuts... | ||
| Oh, now I remember it. | ||
| Now I remember it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was preposterous. | ||
| I am pretty high, so... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I remember it now. | ||
| I blocked it out like a childhood molestation. | ||
| Well, then there was like a fake debate. | ||
| All these people are like, I'm never buying Gillette. | ||
| You know, people are tweeting, they're throwing out their fucking Gillette razors. | ||
| And somebody told me, it's brilliant because it's to the women who are buying the razors. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| The women that are buying, they're not into that either. | ||
| A woman that's buying razors for a man is also not into the fucking Gillette ad. | ||
| So whoever is in charge of the marketing, it's their entire like... | ||
| What do you think that is? | ||
| Do you think that's like someone who decides they're going to cash in on a movement and they just say maybe there's an opportunity here to make some money? | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Okay, I totally forgot. | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Men with their fucking sitcoms. | ||
| Now, did you see what they just showed? | ||
| The guy put his hand on her shoulder. | ||
| It was a fucking sitcom where a white guy grabs his black maid's ass and it's all men in the audience going, ha ha ha, what fucking show was that? | ||
| The guy would just fucking grab his maid's ass and everyone's like, yay! | ||
| Is there a show like that? | ||
| Maybe Married with Children? | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Even then. | ||
| Let me see it again. | ||
| That's so fake. | ||
| That's such a bizarre dynamic. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You're dead right because it's a recreation of something that didn't really happen. | ||
| What is that supposed to be an example of? | ||
| That's not even like a mashup of anything I've ever seen. | ||
| But it's like they made a fake TV show? | ||
| Yeah, it's like, here's an example of the type of shows you like. | ||
| No one was watching that. | ||
| But that's not even a show, right? | ||
| That's why it's so weird. | ||
| So it's like a straw man show. | ||
| The whole thing is a fucking straw man. | ||
| Right, but I mean, that's a weird way of doing it. | ||
| Is that what they were depicting? | ||
| Were they depicting a fake sitcom? | ||
| Yeah, fake sitcom. | ||
| It seemed like it, right? | ||
| I mean, it seemed like it was... | ||
| How weird is it that they don't have a real example? | ||
| How weird is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, how weird is that? | |
| Not even a puppet did shit like that on one of the puppet sitcoms from the 90s. | ||
| And that's weird too. | ||
| That guy put his hand on that girl's shoulder and she had this weird look on her face like, oh my god. | ||
| I know, that's the craziest... | ||
| Like if a woman put her hand... | ||
| I thought it was a Joe Biden campaign. | ||
| If you were working with a woman and she put her hand on your shoulder like that, it would be nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, well, it's not a good example to put in your ad. | ||
| Look, in a real situation, like, hey, I felt this weird thing. | ||
| I'm sure there could be a situation that someone puts their hand on your shoulder and it's weird, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Not automatically. | ||
| Or that they insulted you and then they put their hand on your shoulder. | ||
| Why are you putting this... | ||
| The whole point that I can't get past is why the fuck is... | ||
| Why are you talking about this? | ||
| Why aren't you telling me how great your razors are, you fucks? | ||
| You should be begging me to buy your fucking razors, you fucking moron. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Are you teaching people? | ||
| No, because then you talk about it on a podcast, right? | ||
| And then they're like, see, you've got engagement. | ||
| That doesn't mean people are going to buy this shit. | ||
| I'm not going to not buy it. | ||
| I just think some marketing person fucked up. | ||
| I don't think it's representative of the whole company. | ||
| It's some marketing person. | ||
| They decided they were going to hitch a ride onto the back of this movement. | ||
| A bunch of things did. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| A ton of things. | ||
| Isn't that weird when they do that? | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| You think I'm so stupid, I'm not going to know what you're doing that you're... | ||
| Because statistically you are that student. | ||
| They have some kind of research where they're like, yes, you are statistically. | ||
| It's like the letter from Nigeria to... | ||
| Well, it's like they're trying to be creative, right? | ||
| So they're like creative people that are making up these scenarios. | ||
| Like the commercials are like a little scenario. | ||
| Here's where they have a guy. | ||
| His bush is too hairy. | ||
| And he's posing for the picture. | ||
| They're going to send it to space. | ||
| But they want him to shave his sack and balls. | ||
| That's the guy... | ||
| I want to show... | ||
| This is what I want to show. | ||
| I want to show the guy going, well, we want to use you, but... | ||
| And the guy's like, fuck. | ||
| And then you see him in the bathroom holding his ball. | ||
| Did you see Joey Diaz's balls were on Twitch? | ||
| No. | ||
| The comedy store got in trouble and there's like a real violation. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| FTC or FD? What is it? | ||
| FTA might have violated him. | ||
| They do it at Comedy Store, a live fucking quarantine podcast. | ||
| How did he get to his balls? | ||
| Because he pulls them out. | ||
| He's bored. | ||
| So Joey Diaz just pulls his balls out and he's holding on to them like he's got two kitten heads in an old lady's pantyhose. | ||
| I mean, they're the biggest balls you've ever seen in your life. | ||
| Isn't that a violation of Twitch to fully have your balls? | ||
| Yeah, they got kicked off of Twitch. | ||
| It wasn't good. | ||
| But you've got to see the video. | ||
| The video's hilarious. | ||
| Can you find the video? | ||
| I have it on my phone. | ||
| I saved it. | ||
| Here's how good it was. | ||
| It was so good, I screen recorded it, because I'm like, this is going to go away. | ||
| They're going to pull this down, because people are communists, and they don't want to see something amazing. | ||
| So watch this. | ||
| So, look, that's a screenshot of someone filming it. | ||
| Dude, I thought he had fake balls as a joke. | ||
| Those are real. | ||
| I've seen them for years. | ||
| The first time I saw him was in 96. Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got a lot of ball skin, dude. | |
| His balls are softballs. | ||
| They're softballs stuffed in a flesh-covered pantyhose. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Bert's got his shirt off. | ||
| Yeah, it's chaos. | ||
| It's chaos. | ||
| Yeah, I'll donate money. | ||
| Yeah, God damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I'm just thinking of the amount of distance of scrotum you need to flop them out that amount. | ||
| Those balls are preposterous. | ||
| He's obligated to take him out so you understand about... | ||
| So you get what he's saying. | ||
| He's not playing any games. | ||
| This is his real balls. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| This is a screen grab. | ||
| That's probably... | ||
| He'd go to jail for that or something. | ||
| Everybody got assaulted. | ||
| Well, I might have not said that until I saw the size of those balls. | ||
| Bert's in a trap. | ||
| Bert's trapped. | ||
| Never put his shirt back in? | ||
| Yeah, he's trapped in and I always have to take my shirt off thing. | ||
| Same thing happened at Dignitaro. | ||
| How many ladies... | ||
| Oh, that's even darker. | ||
| I forgot about Tig's... | ||
| Anyway. | ||
| Terrible person. | ||
| I know, I got so high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Imagine... | |
| Why can't women do that? | ||
| Is there a topless female comic? | ||
| Because you don't... | ||
| When Bird's taking a shirt off, it's not sexual, except if you're into bears. | ||
| Right, but is there a woman that could do that same kind of thing? | ||
| She has to be not attractive. | ||
| Hmm, but that's the whole Burt thing to be a guy you don't want to be that hot. | ||
| Yeah, well Burt's because his body's large I feel like it was braver of him to have his shirt off than anyone ever taking their shirt off. | ||
| No because it's part of the fun It's braver I'm saying is it brave because you don't have to applaud him for that You just want to but it accentuates the comedy Whereas a girl's big tits don't really accentuate the comedy like Burt's big belly accentuates the comedy I mean, it's like you're hanging out at a pool with Bert laughing. | ||
| That's what the effect is he creates. | ||
| And a girl just pulls her tits out. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| If you're that kind of a fag guy, I mean, yeah. | ||
| I guess there better be like a baby on the end of it, I guess. | ||
| Well, women could do it. | ||
| We would just have to be accustomed to it. | ||
| The problem is, like, if a woman just pulls her tits out and starts telling jokes, we're not used to that. | ||
| If it was always like that, it would be just like you see on those old documentaries of, like, you know, somewhere in Africa, they don't have bras, and it's not a thing. | ||
| It would just be just like that. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Which is how human beings, all of us, used to be. | ||
| The whole planet, before anybody figured out how to put clothes on. | ||
| Look, if Joey Diaz's balls were out all the time, we all could... | ||
| Well, it sort of goes back to what we're saying about the couple that they drew on that little plaque that they shot off into space. | ||
| Boy, when the aliens find out about Joey Diaz's balls, they're gonna fucking... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| His dick and his balls. | ||
| That should have been sent to space. | ||
| That really should be sent to space to represent us. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Did he show his hog? | ||
| No, it wasn't Joey. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| Earlier in the stream. | ||
| Earlier? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Wait, there was a different guy's ball? | ||
| Is that Bobby Lee? | ||
| Bobby Lee showed his ass. | ||
| Outrageous. | ||
| Oh, so there's like a context for it. | ||
| He showed his whole asshole? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, kind of. | |
| You know, Bobby Lee's another get-naked guy. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He'll get naked. | ||
| I've seen Ari Shafir's balls and dick multiple times as well. | ||
| He'll pull everything out. | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| Didn't Ari do something for Skankfest where he was on stage naked? | ||
| You know, Ari's trying to become a shirt-off guy. | ||
| He could. | ||
| He's always... | ||
| Well, he'll do it if he wants to, whether he can or not. | ||
| He does shirt-off walks, takes pictures of himself. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Suns out, guns out, New York City. | ||
| Yeah, he walks around here with like... | ||
| I've never seen a guy take to New York better than Ari Shaffir. | ||
| Like a duck to water. | ||
| Just right in his little pond. | ||
| He's like, ah, found my spot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| His many trips across Asia probably helped him prepare. | ||
| He loves New York. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sick of it, too. | ||
| I mean, I liked it for a long time, but I got very... | ||
| It's a different way of living, man. | ||
| I can't just have... | ||
| I don't want another winter that goes to April that I have to... | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I wonder how much of that has an impact, like, who gets the most colds and flus? | ||
| Is it people that live in the cold in the East Coast, or are they more accustomed to it so they get less of them, or is it people on the West Coast? | ||
| It's how tightly packed in you are to other people that are going to have, you know... | ||
| Right, that's probably why New York hits so hard. | ||
| It probably helps your immune system at a certain point, being in New York, because you're just bombarded with fucking... | ||
| That makes sense, that it would help your immune system, except for something you don't have an immunity to, like this coronavirus, which is why it was so bad in New York, right? | ||
| Because your immune system is probably accustomed to all those other things. | ||
| I believe you, I just have no... | ||
| I don't even know enough to know if that's... | ||
| Or it's when you take your balls out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't fucking know. | |
| I want to know at the end of the day what happened. | ||
| Everybody wants to draw a conclusion long before. | ||
| It would be awesome if they tested Joey Diaz's balls for Corona when they were testing. | ||
| He's patient zero. | ||
| You've got to squeeze him out like that so there's a drop of blood. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| So, how long from Bobby taking his ass out? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Which is more offensive, Bobby's asshole or Joey Diaz's balls? | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| I don't know if there's a... | ||
| Tough call. | ||
| Both equally are. | ||
| Well, one is way more impressive. | ||
| Bobby Lee's asshole is a regular-sized asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bobby Lee, same as... | |
| Joey Diaz's balls are a thing of nature. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| You know, it's like when you see a bird, like a toucan that has a crazy beak. | ||
| Like, look at his fucking beak. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It is exactly like that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like an exotic bird. | ||
| Yeah, you see other birds, they have normal beaks. | ||
| Like, even an eagle, it's a normal beak. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But then you see like a fucking snake. | ||
| If it talked, it would be like, oh, he's one of those set of balls that talks. | ||
| Yeah, like a shoebill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like one of them big shoebills from Africa? | ||
| Have you ever seen one of those motherfuckers? | ||
| They call me the shoebill because I got huge balls. | ||
| My favorite ridiculous bird. | ||
| Oh, toucan's got a crazy one. | ||
| He's got a super bright one. | ||
| Tell me that doesn't get him some pussy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It has to. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Goddamn, that's pretty. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| How psychedelic is that bird? | ||
| Shit, I want to fuck that bird. | ||
| That bird is beautiful. | ||
| It really does look fruit flavored. | ||
| I thought the cereal was making that up. | ||
| Okay, if that wasn't real, if that wasn't a real thing, and someone drew that, we go, what is this, the new fucking Avatar monster? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| It does look like an Avatar monster. | ||
| It looks freakier than an Avatar monster. | ||
| Look how long that fucking beak is. | ||
| Do you think dinosaurs are like, that's probably all the dinosaurs with that kind of crazy punch? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I'm, by the way, 100% not capable of saying 100%. | ||
| I don't know what I'm talking about, but I think it's been confirmed that birds are like leftover dinosaurs, right? | ||
| What are those? | ||
| Look at that thing! | ||
| You know, they're like big doodos that are now terror birds? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We've talked about them a ton of times. | ||
| Too much, almost. | ||
| Can you imagine getting killed by something that's stupid looking? | ||
| They're like nine feet tall, dude. | ||
| The shoe bill is the one I was talking about earlier. | ||
| Look at that motherfucker. | ||
| That's alive today. | ||
| It's a kind of duck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's huge! | |
| It's like five feet tall, and they're so evil-eyed. | ||
| I feel like Joey's balls look friendlier than that bird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Imagine that thing, standing up, like, looking at you in the eye, moving towards you, thinking about eating you. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like the... | ||
| Around the eyes, I see. | ||
| He looks like Ray Liotta. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| Like the Ray Liotta that was here in the helicopters overhead. | ||
| Look at that eyes in that motherfucker. | ||
| Karen! | ||
| Karen, I needed that! | ||
| Karen, why? | ||
| Look at the fucking eyeball. | ||
| Look at the eyeball in that thing. | ||
| That thing doesn't give a fuck if you live or die. | ||
| That is like the sequel poster face. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Now imagine that, but imagine it nine feet tall and that was those terror birds. | ||
| Get a picture. | ||
| Oh, wait, that's a bird that's alive now? | ||
| That's a bird that's alive right now! | ||
| Oh, I thought it was like a CG... No! | ||
| Dude, that... | ||
| I thought that was from one of those on Discovery where they make the fake... | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| Like they reenact... | ||
| They did it with mermaids for some reason. | ||
| No, this is a real bird. | ||
| It's a real bird that lives... | ||
| Oh my god, that's real? | ||
| Yeah, it lives in the Congo. | ||
| It lives in Africa. | ||
| His face really does... | ||
| They're fucking big, man. | ||
| It really does look like a Reebok, his fucking head. | ||
| It's a monster. | ||
| There's a crazy video of one of them eating a snakehead fish. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, yeah, they're super carnivorous. | ||
| We're snakeheads the ones who are like, who will take all these snakeheads off our hands because there's so many fucking snakeheads? | ||
| Well, they're an invasive species over here. | ||
| So now we've got to bring in these shoebells. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| That's the fish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this thing snatches it up and gobbles it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And that thing breathes air. | ||
| And this motherfucker comes in and gets it. | ||
| Dude, that's a crazy dinosaur-looking face on that shoehead. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| A shoehead? | ||
| Shoebill. | ||
| Look at him eating that. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I mean, that is a fucking dinosaur. | ||
| That really looks like a fucking dinosaur. | ||
| Chewbills are metal is the name of the video, which is hilarious. | ||
| Because they are definitely metal. | ||
| I would think that was like an evil duck. | ||
| Yeah, you would think that's a fake thing. | ||
| It's a five foot tall bird. | ||
| Where do they live? | ||
| Those are in Africa. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Oh, well the documentary that I saw was they were talking about the Congo. | ||
| Look at his fucking shoulders and shit. | ||
| I don't know what part of Africa they live in. | ||
| Oh, in the Congo. | ||
| Goddamn, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, crazy. | ||
| Now imagine those fucking terror birds, man. | ||
| Dude, the eyes, it looks like a puppet they make, a realistic puppet for one of those discovery, walking with dinosaurs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Look, that looks like a goddamn animatronic. | ||
| It's so fake looking! | ||
| They should never do CG because puppets look more real. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, they have a real hard time with feathers and they have a real hard time with fur. | ||
| It's hard to get fur to look completely realistically. | ||
| I saw that new movie with Harrison Ford and the dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that a fake dog? | |
| It's a fake dog. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's weird because it doesn't get past the uncanny valley. | ||
| I would never get past... | ||
| It's him looking and you're like, I know you're not looking at a dog, dude. | ||
| Call of the Wild, right? | ||
| Isn't that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's all fake dogs, fake wolves. | ||
| There's a lot of fake everything. | ||
| Do you have a dog in real life that you could kind of fake it with? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| You gotta get these dogs to do very specific shit. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's real close. | ||
| Real close, but not. | ||
| That was trying to put a little flourish in there, too. | ||
| You love this dog, though, man. | ||
| Okay, remember? | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| That looks like The Hobbit, dude. | ||
| And the dog! | ||
| Awful. | ||
| It's like, look right there. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| So it's always a little off. | ||
| Who's the person there? | ||
| They got like a dwarf to be the... | ||
| I mean, they didn't do shit, man. | ||
| This is all... | ||
| I mean, he's just staring at the ground, I guess. | ||
| Why would you animate... | ||
| Like a dog's a Bigfoot or something that we have to simulate. | ||
| Well, because they've got to get the dog to do very specific things. | ||
| By the way, Harrison Ford did look a little bit CG'd. | ||
| He probably was. | ||
| This is like a low-key flex. | ||
| The dog's going to save her. | ||
| They should have made it all animated if they were going to do that. | ||
| Yeah, right, right, the people too, right? | ||
| Then it would be kind of cool. | ||
| You're right, you're right. | ||
| Yeah, then it'd be like the Polar Express or something. | ||
| Yes, which is so creepy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like in the future, that is going to be a horror movie. | ||
| This is almost like Roger Rabbit if it wasn't funny. | ||
| The man acting with the animated animal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The Call of the Wild. | ||
| Oh, so this is called The Call? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I've never read the book, The Call of the Wild. | ||
| I did when I was a kid. | ||
| But this is very different than the book. | ||
| They took a lot of liberties, and there's a lot of things they changed. | ||
| Is it Disney? | ||
| I don't know who fucking made it, but it was really good. | ||
| 20th century. | ||
| So, yes. | ||
| It was actually really good. | ||
| It was a good movie? | ||
| Yeah, it's a good movie. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But in terms of like a family movie. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| See, I watch movies with my kids. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So there's a lot of movies that I watch that probably wouldn't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I'll never see that because I don't have kids. | ||
| We've taken some chances on some movies that were, you know... | ||
| What turned out to be a mistake? | ||
| Well, not that it was bad, but that watching it with a nine-year-old, Jojo Rabbit, Oh, yeah, it's more serious. | ||
| This is about kids getting killed by Nazis. | ||
| Like, hey, maybe not right now. | ||
| So then we switched to Adam Sandler. | ||
| Also, we tried to watch the first season of Lost, but we put on the first episode of the first season, and when the guy gets sucked into the airplane engine... | ||
| They show that? | ||
| Yeah, my nine-year-old's like, cut! | ||
| Fuck this. | ||
| Stop this. | ||
| I'm not watching people get sucked into engines after a plane crash. | ||
| The fuck is wrong with you? | ||
| I'm nine. | ||
| She's right. | ||
| You're like, she's right. | ||
| The kid's right. | ||
| I haven't had to consider... | ||
| Because I'm a kid, so if I see my nieces... | ||
| You know what's a good safe bet? | ||
| It's Adam Sandler movies. | ||
| But, some of them are like, there's some really inappropriate scenes. | ||
| Yeah, which are the, like, the newer ones, or which are the ones that are like... | ||
| The best is Zohan. | ||
| Zohan's one of the funniest movies ever. | ||
| Oh yeah, I like the Zohan. | ||
| It is a fucking funny movie. | ||
| It is so funny. | ||
| Yeah, I like that movie. | ||
| It's like, the end, it was like... | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, the singing thing. | ||
| Yeah, it was kind of preposterous. | ||
| But it was fun enough that I was like, you got me. | ||
| I'm going with you the whole ride. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, it's just... | ||
| What else is a... | ||
| It's a funny movie, man. | ||
| Like an unapologetically, ridiculously funny movie. | ||
| Oh, his fucking Netflix. | ||
| Happy Gilmore. | ||
| Did you see his Netflix? | ||
| I didn't see it, no. | ||
| I heard it was very good. | ||
| Really good, dude. | ||
| Yeah, I heard it was very good. | ||
| Dana White loved it. | ||
| He's awesome, man. | ||
| I know him. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| I've met him a few times. | ||
| He's a very, very, very nice guy. | ||
| But his movies are so unapologetically funny. | ||
| Like, just goes for all the ridiculous jokes. | ||
| Yeah, well, you get a... | ||
| Zohan is all of its dick jokes and sex jokes. | ||
| He got that blowback because on a talk show he said, I was just going on vacation with the last couple or something, right? | ||
| Oh, I wasn't paying attention. | ||
| He got blowback? | ||
| Yeah, because he said, the ones that aren't that good... | ||
| Like the ones that are good, I remember they're like, you know, like I remember Simpsons lines or what, you know, like fucking Billy Madison and all that shit. | ||
| He's got a bunch of people to remember. | ||
| Happy Gilmore. | ||
| Happy Gilmore is a classic. | ||
| That's Happy Gilmore. | ||
| But the ones that, I don't know if they didn't do well, like they're with, what's her name? | ||
| From E.T. Drew Banger? | ||
| Yeah, I think it's like those ones, but he said something like, the last few movies I've just gone on vacation. | ||
| Oh, he said that? | ||
| I think he probably didn't mean it like... | ||
| I don't think he meant he was phoning in. | ||
| Adam Sandler confirms that his movies are just paid vacations. | ||
| Also, he could just be being humble. | ||
| He could be just being funny. | ||
| And funny. | ||
| You know, because I've done that since 50 First Dates, Sandler explained. | ||
| It was written in another place. | ||
| I said, imagine if we did it in Hawaii, how great would that be? | ||
| And they said, yeah, that's a very artistic idea. | ||
| I've been doing that ever since. | ||
| So he's just saying he does his movies and vacations at the same time. | ||
| That's pretty wise. | ||
| Yeah, well, it sounds like it got made into a thing by an article. | ||
| You know what they are, dude? | ||
| They're like... | ||
| They're just funny, right? | ||
| He just tries to do the funniest thing. | ||
| And for whatever reason, some people have decided that that's dumb. | ||
| Because there's some movies that don't do that. | ||
| There's like Coen Brothers movies where more sophisticated humor that still gets you just as hard. | ||
| I like all his Coen Brothers movies, but I never thought of them as like... | ||
| Big Lebowski? | ||
| What's the bowling one? | ||
| Oh, Kingpin! | ||
| Yeah, that's Farrelly Brothers, right? | ||
| Yeah, and that holds up pretty fucking good. | ||
| Pretty fucking good. | ||
| That's a brilliant movie. | ||
| That's a brilliant movie. | ||
| You know what I saw fairly recently? | ||
| A friend of mine showed me, Withnail and I. Did you ever hear that? | ||
| No, what is it? | ||
| It's from like the 80s, and it's... | ||
| Fucking George Harrison from the Beatles like produced it. | ||
| It's a comedy fucking hilarious, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I never I heard of the title but I never seen it and I don't remember in Wayne's World They had that guy who was like a roadie who would tell crazy stories Yes, that character they took from this movie and that's what he's doing. | ||
| It's the same actor. | ||
| Whoa, it's that guy's in it and this guy Does that help dude? | ||
| I had never seen it. | ||
| It was fucking hysterical Wow They're like out-of-work actors, and they live in this fucking rat-infested, you know, because they're alcoholics, and they go to the country to get away from their stress. | ||
| I don't want to spoil it. | ||
| It's really goddamn funny. | ||
| There's some great fucking old movies that slip through the cracks. | ||
| This one I like. | ||
| I like Blazing Saddles. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could make that now. | ||
| I like it like that. | ||
| It really is fucking classic. | ||
| I heard of it, never watched it, but it's fucking funny. | ||
| I'll check it out. | ||
| I'll check it out. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| You know who still makes movies the same way? | ||
| It's Tarantino. | ||
| He still makes hyper-violent... | ||
| I liked that new one. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| I enjoyed it a lot. | ||
| Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. | ||
| But I just have a foot fetish, so that's why I'm into it. | ||
| Yeah, it was pretty awesome, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it was pretty awesome. | ||
| Did you see a Bruce Lee? | ||
| Do you believe the Bruce Lee? | ||
| What do you think that whole Bruce Lee thing is about? | ||
| Well, I've talked about it almost too much, but in the interest of keeping up this conversation, I don't think he's right. | ||
| He depicted Bruce Lee in a way that made him look like an asshole. | ||
| And I think Bruce Lee was very confident, but I don't think there's really any evidence that he was a dipshit. | ||
| And in that movie, they make him out to be kind of a dipshit, and there was a real instance, and this is what I've talked about before, Bruce Lee had relationships with people that were stuntmen in a positive way, and one of them was Gene LaBelle. | ||
| Gene LaBelle's a famous guy who was a judo champion who taught Bruce Lee a lot of judo moves, and they worked together in several movies, and But Gene LaBelle, if he had an actual fight with Bruce Lee the way Brad Pitt did, Gene LaBelle would have killed him. | ||
| I mean, Gene LaBelle was a real, a gigantic man, a gorilla of a man. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He was a really strong guy who was also a judo champion. | ||
| I mean, his grappling's obvious. | ||
| It's like he had a gripe, or he just wanted to make Bruce Lee look like a dildo. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem. | ||
| So there's Bruce Lee getting his ass kicked by this guy who's just a random tough guy. | ||
| And they get in this... | ||
| They don't tell you that Brad Pitt... | ||
| He was so tough he killed his strong wife on his boat. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Remember he maybe killed his wife? | ||
| Who maybe killed their wife? | ||
| The Brad Pitt guy that beats up Bruce Lee. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| In the movie, they suggested he killed her. | ||
| What was it from? | ||
| I'm not trying to remember that now. | ||
| That's why they didn't like him on the set. | ||
| Remember that Australian lady? | ||
| Goddammit, I forgot that plot point. | ||
| He was on the boat, and his wife's bitching him out, and he's just holding a spear gun, and then it never resolves. | ||
| But it was always rumored that he killed his wife, but nobody ever knew for sure. | ||
| That was like the... | ||
| So when he fought Bruce Lee... | ||
| He's like the Carole Baskin. | ||
| Yeah, he was a Carole Baskin, but with sharks. | ||
| This is from your mom's house, by the way. | ||
| People with a shirt. | ||
| Don't blame me. | ||
| I mean, she seemed like she did it, but I wouldn't want to weigh into that. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if she did it. | ||
| I want to steer clear of tiger people and all their problems. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| Man, don't buy a Porsche. | ||
| If you want to get laid, get a fucking tiger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| They all start like a little sex cult around themselves. | ||
| Yeah, like why is that, do you think? | ||
| Do you think because they're dealing with... | ||
| Because tigers, they're feeling... | ||
| I mean, I like shooting guns. | ||
| That's like a... | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Like, walking a tiger must feel like whatever that is, like times a million. | ||
| That'd be like if you just hung out with a fucking shoebill that followed your commands. | ||
| Yeah, could you imagine? | ||
| You'd get an ego quick. | ||
| If you were dealing with giant cats all day, how freaked out you'd be? | ||
| Well, they're getting off on that this cat's not killing them when it easily could. | ||
| They're all getting off on that. | ||
| It's exciting to pee. | ||
| And plus, a lot of people just love animals, so you get to mix really primal feelings together. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why that lady got her arm bit off, but she's like, don't blame the tigers. | ||
| And she shouldn't. | ||
| It's her goddamn fault. | ||
| Then she went back to work there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Once they have a taste... | ||
| It's he now. | ||
| That was a big part of the movie. | ||
| After the accident? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's transgender. | ||
| She's a he now. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, that was a big part of the controversy that they had misgendered her. | ||
| They misgendered her in the television show. | ||
| Oh my god, I thought I had done a shit. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| But you did because you said she. | ||
| You fucked up, bro. | ||
| Hey, I'm as mad about this documentary as everyone else. | ||
| That was the information I had to work with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro, that's a dark moment when a tiger takes your fucking hand. | |
| And you see it. | ||
| But, okay, you know when they talk about, like, if a bear gets a taste for human, it's bad? | ||
| Like, if a tiger got taste for specifically my arm, like, I don't want to work with that tiger. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's moments in that show, one of them, where the tiger's dragging him away by his foot. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And he shoots the gun. | ||
| It's like, son of a fucking bitch! | ||
| You fucking bitch! | ||
| Remember? | ||
| The tiger lets go, but he's literally holding onto his foot and dragging him away. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I didn't see that part. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| In Tiger King? | ||
| I missed that one. | ||
| I haven't seen all of them. | ||
| I've seen most of it. | ||
| The thing grabbed his feet and was pulling him away. | ||
| But why? | ||
| And he... | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| Because it's being a tiger? | ||
| No, I mean... | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| What was the situation? | ||
| He was inside the cage with the tigers and everything was cool. | ||
| But then one of them grabs him by the foot. | ||
| It's checking out his feet. | ||
| Won't leave him alone. | ||
| And then grabs him by the foot and drags him away. | ||
| Do you mean the way he was? | ||
| So he's hitting at it with a stick, and then he pulls out a gun, and when he pulls out his gun, he shoots near it, and it lets go. | ||
| Oh, it's a loud noise. | ||
| Yeah, it's a loud noise, so it lets go. | ||
| But he starts screaming at him, fuck a bitch. | ||
| So he thinks that in the show, he said he thinks that someone put something on his shoes. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Sardine oil. | ||
| Yeah, well, that was what the lady had said. | ||
| Like, to get a cat to eat Carol Baskin. | ||
| By the way, I don't know if she did. | ||
| This is just your mom's house. | ||
| They told me to wear it. | ||
| They forced me. | ||
| Do they have a little, in our opinion, Carol? | ||
| They should. | ||
| We put that on there. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Anyway, he almost had to shoot the cat. | ||
| He was pulling him away by his feet. | ||
| For some reason. | ||
| Just decided to pull his shoes off. | ||
| Maybe have some nice Jordans or something. | ||
| What size do you wear? | ||
| You know, I think it probably feels like if it smelled... | ||
| I would just imagine leather to a cat. | ||
| Unless it's really tan. | ||
| Smells like delicious beef jerky? | ||
| It smells like some kind of meat product. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wouldn't it? | ||
| I mean, it's probably fun to bite. | ||
| I mean, dogs bite chews, but are they just biting it because it's soft and it feels good? | ||
| Or do they know it's leather? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think they know it's leather. | |
| That'd be crazy if they knew. | ||
| Oh, I know where this came from. | ||
| But I mean, they know it's some sort of an animal product. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know a lot of stuff. | ||
| Like for a dog, like if you just had raw leather laying around, a dog would be like, why can't I just eat this? | ||
| I think this is food. | ||
| They'd walk up to him like... | ||
| I had two dogs. | ||
| I don't remember them being any particular way at leather. | ||
| No, but like shoes are things you wear so your smells on them, but you just have leather laying around. | ||
| Yeah, that, like if someone you sent out, yeah. | ||
| But don't people give their dogs leather chew toys, right? | ||
| I never did, so I don't know. | ||
| No? | ||
| Never? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think rawhide is leather. | ||
| It is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought they were edible. | ||
| Yeah, they are edible. | ||
| It's edible leather. | ||
| Yeah, the leather is edible. | ||
| Leather is edible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, it's just really, really tough. | ||
| Like a jacket. | ||
| If you were starving, you could eat your jacket. | ||
| People in the Depression actually boiled their shoes and ate their shoes. | ||
| That was a real thing. | ||
| People ate shoes. | ||
| That's how much people were starving to death. | ||
| That was a real thing. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, eating shoe leather was like when people would talk about the lowest point of people being desperate for food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's when I had to eat my shoes? | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I know, Jesus Christ, right? | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah, that's real depression. | ||
| We would have been thankful for Bat Soup back in that day. | ||
| You know what Swartzen said to me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| He said to us. | ||
| I'm in a group text with him. | ||
| He said a friend of his is a sheriff, and they said they used to deal with maybe one suicide a week, and now they're dealing with as many as five a day. | ||
| Where? | ||
| I probably shouldn't say. | ||
| In the Hollywood area? | ||
| No, you probably shouldn't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I mean, this is a very... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Do you have a podcast or something? | ||
| People that are used to doing a... | ||
| Not doing stand-up feels very... | ||
| Very weird. | ||
| I'm disoriented with what day it is. | ||
| I didn't realize how much I was timing my life out from when I had spots. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And depended upon it. | ||
| Artistically, too, right? | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| People have hit this weird breaking point. | ||
| We're like six weeks in, right? | ||
| And people are really antsy for things to open back up again. | ||
| So there's like an additional tension that seems to be in the air. | ||
| Maybe it's time for celebrities to sing us to sleep with us. | ||
| Don't stand so close to me. | ||
| Don't stand. | ||
| That's a creepy song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Isn't that a song about... | ||
| I guess pre-COVID-19 it's creepy. | ||
| But don't stand so close to me. | ||
| Isn't it about like a teacher and a young girl? | ||
| Is that what it's about? | ||
| The subject of schoolgirl fantasy. | ||
| Well, if he was saying, come closer, schoolgirl, that would be worse. | ||
| She's hitting on him. | ||
| He's the teacher and she's hitting on him. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Young teacher, the subject of schoolgirl fantasy. | ||
| She wants him so badly. | ||
| Knows what she wants to be. | ||
| Inside her, there's no room. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| This girl's an open page. | ||
| Bookmarking. | ||
| She's so close now. | ||
| This girl's half his age. | ||
| Don't stand so close to me. | ||
| Oh, because they're fucking. | ||
| Yeah, well, her friends are so jealous. | ||
| You know how bad girls get. | ||
| Sometimes it's not so easy to be the teacher's pet. | ||
| Temptation, frustration so bad it makes him cry. | ||
| Wet bus stop. | ||
| She's waiting. | ||
| His car is warm and dry. | ||
| Don't stand so close to me. | ||
| Loose talk in the classroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Holy fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy fuck. | |
| He starts to shake. | ||
| He starts to cough. | ||
| COVID-19. | ||
| Too hurt, they try and try. | ||
| Strong words in the staff room. | ||
| The accusations fly. | ||
| It's no use. | ||
| He sees her. | ||
| He starts to shake. | ||
| He starts to cough. | ||
| Just like the old man in that famous book by Nabokov. | ||
| A Lolita. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't stand. | |
| Don't stand so. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| What else? | ||
| That's the whole song? | ||
| Okay, that song is a pedophile song. | ||
| That's a song about a guy getting tricked into fucking a 14-year-old. | ||
| Don't sing that one. | ||
| Would you say a guy getting tricked into fucking a 14-year-old? | ||
| That is a song about a guy who's getting lured in by a young Lolita. | ||
| I mean, that's what it's leading up. | ||
| She wants him so badly, you know? | ||
| And then it's not so easy to be the teacher's pet. | ||
| All right, they're all together. | ||
| They're in the car together. | ||
| It's raining out. | ||
| His car's warm and dry. | ||
| He's a criminal! | ||
| Dude, until you told me that, I've never in... | ||
| I don't know how long I've heard that song, like 30 years or however long it was around, thought that was what... | ||
| I've listened to it so many times, like not that I even saw it out, but just over and over again and never... | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| That's why it doesn't matter about lyrics. | ||
| Dude, that shit used to go on. | ||
| When I was in high school, a Spanish teacher fucked my friend. | ||
| I went on in my school. | ||
| I knew someone that happened to. | ||
| The song was penned by Sting, who just happened to have a former career as a teacher before the rock stardom came calling. | ||
| Dude, I told a story about it on... | ||
| People used to fuck their students back then. | ||
| This girl that I knew was 17, and the guy was a young man. | ||
| He's a handsome young man. | ||
| He's one of my favorite teachers. | ||
| Anyway, they fucked! | ||
| I don't know what the rules were back then, but I'm pretty sure. | ||
| When I was in high school, a bunch of girls I knew were dating some guy that could probably have gone to jail. | ||
| But a few people... | ||
| I told a story on Ari's show... | ||
| I knew somebody who, like, he was in high school and hooked up with his geometry teacher, and they ended up being married. | ||
| When I was in high school, I dated a girl. | ||
| She was a very nice girl, but she was also naughty. | ||
| And this naughty girl fucked an older man who had a boat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That sounds like such a good Billie Eilish song. | |
| She fucked the guy or her and her friend fucked the guy. | ||
| Anyway, she was a naughty girl. | ||
| Older man who has a boat. | ||
| But a very nice girl. | ||
| She's adventurous. | ||
| And one of the things she said, it was like he gave her a hard time about it. | ||
| And she's like, motherfucker, I'll turn you into the police. | ||
| Oh, you know what? | ||
| We were doing a prom show years ago. | ||
| I don't know if they do that here, but in New York, the club's prom season. | ||
| A bunch of Long Island high schools go to comedy shows after their prom. | ||
| Yes, I did that at Dangerfields. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I worked at Dangerfields. | ||
| So one of the limo drivers, I don't know who asked him, like, do you ever, like, because by the way, the girls look like kids, like, like, it was crazy how much they look like kids to me, these high school kids. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There'd be a couple where you're like, oh, that looks like an older kid, but they all like kids. | ||
| But somebody asked the driver, one time a driver, a girl... | ||
| I don't remember if she was 16, he said, but she came on to him and they fucked and she goes, how much you make tonight? | ||
| And the guy was like, I don't know, like 500 bucks. | ||
| And she goes, I think you made 200 and took $300 off this thing. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah, like that's a really advanced fucking thing to do. | ||
| She stole 300 bucks and fucked him. | ||
| It's an interesting call because she like turned herself into a prostitute. | ||
| I just don't know why you would make that. | ||
| Although, remember To Catch a Predator? | ||
| Half those people seemed like they would go to anybody who had written back to them. | ||
| I got a theory about that, too. | ||
| About why guys are into high school kids. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I think there's some guys out there that hit a point in their life Like, maybe, like, right after they graduate, where their life got really fucked up, and it didn't go anywhere. | ||
| Yes, I've heard the Sting song. | ||
| It got really fucked up, and it didn't go anywhere, and they wanted to, like, relive their childhood. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Like, if I went back to high school, like, maybe they have a lot of regrets. | ||
| They got clowned a lot. | ||
| I knew then what I knew now. | ||
| They got beat up. | ||
| But it is that kind of thing, where it's like, you want to go back and be the hero. | ||
| There's a thing that makes you stuck in a certain moment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's a thing with women, too. | ||
| That's why a lot of women wind up fucking high school boys, right? | ||
| Women that are teachers. | ||
| Like, how many times you heard that story? | ||
| I heard it growing up. | ||
| It's constant. | ||
| Yeah, I know somebody did it. | ||
| The funny thing is, they barely get arrested. | ||
| Like, most of the time, they don't do any time. | ||
| I saw one recently. | ||
| I think that's a lot of places. | ||
| She was fucking a 16-year-old boy, and they just said, don't do it anymore, and they gave her, like, one year probation. | ||
| Where was this? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| They gave her a court order to knock it off. | ||
| It was probably like Kansas or something like that. | ||
| They're like, stop it. | ||
| Just stop fucking the guy. | ||
| People what you call farm strong out there. | ||
| But if it was a guy that was fucking a 15 or 16 year old guy. | ||
| We're just happy it's not a cousin. | ||
| Go. | ||
| We're just happy it's not a guy. | ||
| If a guy was doing it, they would want that guy locked up in a cage for sure. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| I mean, I agree with it. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| But it's still, it's kind of crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't, man, I guess... | ||
| Dude, so many teachers blow their students. | ||
| I mean, it's just, the only ones you hear about are the ones where these pussies can't keep their mouths shut. | ||
| Well, I know somebody... | ||
| They have to go to their mom and go to the teachers and go to the cops. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It depends if you're a fucking kid or not. | ||
| It depends on how old the kid is. | ||
| If I was like 16, when I was in high school, like 16, I was as kid of a 16-year-old as you can be because we were religious, so I had no... | ||
| Really, I mean... | ||
| So do you think that those are the guys that they try to fuck, or do you think they go after the young football player guys? | ||
| I think it's all kinds of different... | ||
| Like, if you're a crazy girl who wants to relive childhood, relive high school, so you go and get a job teaching high school boys... | ||
| I think somebody just strikes your fancy, and they probably never thought it would be like that. | ||
| I think it's like some pure, you know... | ||
| Maybe they think like, when I was in high school, that boy wouldn't give me the time of day if I was in high school with him. | ||
| But now I can fuck him, because I'm 32 and I'm the teacher. | ||
| Do you think it's that thought through? | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| It's all planned out. | ||
| There's journals and schematics. | ||
| Oh, is there journals? | ||
| They got a map of how they want it to go down and all the friends are connected in one of those little circles with all the lines that come out with different names. | ||
| Who was the one that they made that movie about with Nicole Kidman? | ||
| I mean, there's a real story of someone where some, you know, the teacher got the kid to kill her husband. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| That was... | ||
| And then, uh... | ||
| That was, uh, was that in New Hampshire? | ||
| Where was that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then there's a documentary about her where, like, made... | ||
| It's a fucking crazy story. | ||
| Was that... | ||
| Was that Pam Smart? | ||
| Yes, Pam was smart. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that, man. | ||
| Everybody had jokes about that. | ||
| Yeah, everybody does. | ||
| In 88, when I was just starting to do stand-up, it was right around then that it happened when I was an open-miker. | ||
| So everybody had like Pam Smart jokes. | ||
| To die for. | ||
| What did the real Pam Smart look like? | ||
| Not that good. | ||
| Well, keep in mind that's imprisoned for a while. | ||
| Well, it's just not fair. | ||
| Yeah, she's pretty cute with some fucked up Revere hair. | ||
| Look at her hair. | ||
| Go back to that picture again. | ||
| What year is that? | ||
| What year of hair was that? | ||
| Because I remember that when like... | ||
| That's in the 80s for sure, girls in here like that. | ||
| Everybody had Peg Bundy here? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| In the 80s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| To Die For was 95. Yeah, you're not... | ||
| It's hard to fuck with a 1995 Nicole Kidman. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That's what year it was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's another version of it too with Helen Hunt. | |
| I'm not as good. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| It's more accurate. | ||
| But I think like... | ||
| Well, Nicole Kidman was supposed to be just a character based on her. | ||
| But it's funny, right? | ||
| Because if you're doing an actual real-life story, you would really... | ||
| If you had a teacher that looked like Nicole Kidman, it would change the narrative. | ||
| Like, there's a weirdness... | ||
| No, it 100% does. | ||
| Yeah, because there's a weirdness if it's a big, fat lady. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| If it's a big, fat lady... | ||
| Dude, the guy that I knew... | ||
| The guy that I knew, the teacher was hot. | ||
| And everybody was like... | ||
| Everybody was like, oh, that kid's looking pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| What were you saying? | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Loosely based on that movie. | ||
| Loosely based. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Inspired. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So here's the problem with that. | ||
| If like Salma Hayek, like hot Salma Hayek from Dust to Darkness, that one, Inner Prime, remember when there was another foot thing with Tarantino? | ||
| Oh yeah, he takes a shot off her feet. | ||
| Yeah, he takes a shot off her feet. | ||
| No, when you hear it and then you look back, you're like, wait a minute, there's a 20 minute foot scene in every... | ||
| Fucking Kill Bill! | ||
| She's like, now wiggle your toes. | ||
| It's like, camera hangs on toes for a while until they move. | ||
| If that Salma Hayek. | ||
| Until I come. | ||
| She was so hot. | ||
| If that Salma Hayek wanted to fuck your 16-year-old boy, what kind of a chance does he have of saying no? | ||
| He's got zero chance of saying no. | ||
| I mean, there's probably mythological creatures based on that. | ||
| Look at her. | ||
| Look at how hot she was. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, man. | ||
| She was so smoking hot and still is. | ||
| She's still hot as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, even without a foot fetish, that foot thing is like, oh, I would do that. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| Now, imagine if she is the teacher and some 15-year-old, 16-year-old boy, the teacher, let's not say it's her. | ||
| Let's say it looks like it could be her cousin or something like that, but really hot, just as hot as her. | ||
| Let's not say it's her. | ||
| Let's not be disrespectful. | ||
| If someone on an equal scale of hotness to Salma Hayek fucks your 16-year-old boy, what chance does he have of saying no to that? | ||
| How about zero? | ||
| Some might consider that beyond consent. | ||
| I think that's the entire idea of it being a kid. | ||
| The thing about it is, if he was 18, you'd be psyched for him. | ||
| Just two more years. | ||
| If he just lived 24 months and he was cooked better. | ||
| Somebody said it to me. | ||
| Maybe Annie said it to me. | ||
| If it is just a year, why can't you wait a year or something? | ||
| I think it's arbitrary. | ||
| Grown women that want to fuck 17-year-olds don't have a year to wait. | ||
| Those bitches are all crazy. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They don't have any time. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They don't have no time to wait. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| They have credit card debt. | ||
| There's fucking ex-boyfriends trying to chase them down. | ||
| I was going to say, how will a high school student help your credit card debt? | ||
| You know, some of those women are married. | ||
| Some of those women are married to guys. | ||
| I think a lot of the people are married. | ||
| And they wind up fucking their students. | ||
| I was never around that. | ||
| I never experienced that as a kid, where a teacher, a female hot teacher fucked any of my friends. | ||
| Yeah, no, I never had that. | ||
| There was a gym teacher and somebody in my school, I remember. | ||
| Oh, a female gym teacher? | ||
| No, it was a male gym teacher and somebody else. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| I think he just got fired. | ||
| Just now. | ||
| You know, I could be wrong, but I think the guy that the school had a weight room, you know, he'd go to after school. | ||
| And the guy, I remember hearing some shit like that about the guy that was like ran the weight room. | ||
| He's one of the gym teachers. | ||
| I remember he was very, always very grabby and like, I didn't think it was just, it was very Joe Biden-y, like shoulder rubs and you know, like, I got hairy legs! | ||
| He just wanted to press your leg hair down and then you'd press his leg hair down. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| Just press his leg hair down. | ||
| Everybody likes the kids playing with their leg hair. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Totally normal to talk about too if you're running for president. | ||
| Dude, that fucking... | ||
| Is that from the Corn Pop thing? | ||
| What? | ||
| Is that the Corn Pop speech? | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing about I got hairy legs. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And something about going by the pool. | ||
| Yeah, no, he was a... | ||
| He was a lifeguard, and he fucking stared down the local gang leader, Corn Pop. | ||
| Is that what the story is? | ||
| Yeah, and he had a chain, and then instead of fighting, they became friends. | ||
| And he was like, I'm sorry I called you Esther Williams. | ||
| In front with razor-wielding gangster named Corn Pop. | ||
| Yeah, they used to rust their razors in a rain barrel. | ||
| That's a real story? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the whole story. | |
| It's the same with the pool. | ||
| I only heard the legs in the pool part, I think. | ||
| I didn't know about this other guy, because now I might need to hear this. | ||
| Are we allowed to play this? | ||
| Is this news? | ||
| How does this work? | ||
| Okay, let's hear the audio. | ||
| Let's hear what it says. | ||
| And I was one of the guards, and there was a three-meter board. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you fell off sideways, you landed on the darn cement over there. | |
| And Corn Pop was a bad dude. | ||
| Whoa, is there a laugh track on this motherfucker? | ||
| Corn Pop was a bad dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he ran a bunch of bad boys. | |
| And I did. | ||
| And back in those days, to show how things have changed, one of the things you had to use, if you used pomade in your hair, you had to wear a bathing cap. | ||
| And so he was up on the board, wouldn't listen to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said, hey, Esther, you, off the board, or I'll come up and drag you off. | |
| Well, he came off, and he said, I'll meet you outside. | ||
| My car, this was mostly, these were all public housing behind it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My car, there was a gate out here. | |
| I parked my car outside the gate. | ||
| And I, he said, I'll be waiting for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was waiting for three guys in straight racers. | |
| Not a joke. | ||
| There's a guy named Bill Wright Mouse, the only white guy, and he did all the pools. | ||
| He was the mechanic. | ||
| And I said, what am I going to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He said, come down here in the basement where mechanics, where all the pool filter is. | |
| You know, the chain, there used to be a chain that went across the deep end. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he cut off a six-foot length of chain. | |
| He fold up. | ||
| He said, you walk out with that chain. | ||
| And you walk to the car and say, you may cut me, man, but I'm going to wrap this chain around your head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said, you're kidding me. | |
| He said, no, if you don't, don't come back. | ||
| And he was right. | ||
| So I walked out with the chain. | ||
| And I walked up to my car. | ||
| And in those days, remember the straight razor? | ||
| You'd bang them on the curb, get them rusty, put them in a rain barrel, get them rusty. | ||
| And I looked at him, but I was smart then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I said, first of all, I said, when I tell you to get off the board, you get off the board, I'll kick you out again, but I shouldn't have called you, Esther Williams. | |
| I apologize for that. | ||
| Pause this for a second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pause this for a second. | |
| Do you know who Esther Williams is? | ||
| Oh, we're almost done. | ||
| We're almost done. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Keep it going for a second. | ||
| It's only a few more seconds to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's going to work. | |
| He said, you apologize to me? | ||
| I said, I apologize for that. | ||
| Not for throwing you out, but I apologize for what I said. | ||
| He said, okay. | ||
| he closed his straight razor and my heart began to beat again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That... | |
| How polite were those children being, by the way, during that fucking... | ||
| That was one of the things I was going to say when I paused it. | ||
| No one's paying attention to him. | ||
| All those kids are talking. | ||
| They all went to a happy place. | ||
| They're all just talking. | ||
| This guy's running for president, and they're behind him, and he's on stage. | ||
| Was this a president stump thing? | ||
| I thought it was something else. | ||
| I don't know what it is, but he's running for president while this is going on, for sure. | ||
| Oh, he was. | ||
| Look, there's that thing, the city of... | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Because it says it on that little city symbol that's on the front of the podium, Delaware. | ||
| So who've set this up where you have a bunch of kids on stage behind him not paying attention while he gives this long-winded story about razor blades and chains and... | ||
| Basically, they apologize to each other and then... | ||
| It's crazy that he's a presumptive... | ||
| It's crazy to run him. | ||
| It's absolutely fucking crazy. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| It was interesting talking to Owen Smith yesterday because I love Owen. | ||
| He's a... | ||
| Really brilliant comedian. | ||
| One of the best guys I know. | ||
| And we were talking about it and he said, Biden makes me feel like things would be normal again. | ||
| I think he's saying the people that go We'll go for Biden, and that's not a small amount of people. | ||
| Yeah, there's like some Obama rubbed off on him, but Biden was never a guy who was going to get elected before that. | ||
| He's certainly not now. | ||
| It's just trying to get that feeling back, and it's not coming back. | ||
| They got to fuck in. | ||
| But you've never seen a greater example of team loyalty? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Than this. | ||
| This one right here. | ||
| That's what this is. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Because no one on the left wants to talk about these crazy long-winded speeches and things that don't make any sense. | ||
| The lefties, I learned about it watching, I think, Jimmy Dore. | ||
| The people on the left, this is why they lost. | ||
| I mean, I say that they lost when fucking Nanette came out. | ||
| But, like, people on the left didn't want him. | ||
| No. | ||
| And they weren't on board Bernie. | ||
| Like, Bernie's saying, hey, go along with. | ||
| People were following Bernie because of what they thought his policies would be, not necessarily like a cult of personality. | ||
| So they don't give a shit if Bernie says vote for Biden. | ||
| They were voting for way more lefty shit and not the normal feeling. | ||
| In fact, they hate those. | ||
| The real lefties can't stand like an Owen Smith Democrat. | ||
| Above all else. | ||
| They wanted it changed. | ||
| The real lefties want everything changed. | ||
| Yeah, the Republicans had to have their thing where Trump just trashed. | ||
| He trounced them when he came in, right? | ||
| And they're like his bitch now. | ||
| And so they had that fight. | ||
| There's no one... | ||
| Bernie was never going to do that with the Democrats. | ||
| But isn't it crazy that it's all about likability and electability? | ||
| Like, that's really what it's all about. | ||
| If people like you, they'll give you a chance. | ||
| A simple, clear message. | ||
| Dude, a simple, clear message. | ||
| See, the Biden thing, you're right, that people just want to feel normal again. | ||
| I don't know how you... | ||
| That was Owen's... | ||
| Take. | ||
| That was how he felt. | ||
| Him personally. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If they could make that into a slogan, I just want to feel normal again, that would be like a MAGA for them. | ||
| But somebody's got to come up with that. | ||
| Well, dude, you've got to look back in time and you look at history and all the mistakes that were... | ||
| That's what you're reading about when you're reading about lost wars and invasions that went terrible. | ||
| You're hearing about trials and errors and mistakes. | ||
| Well, that's when you see people's fucking principles. | ||
| Because, I mean, especially with Biden, the thing of all the people that were crowing about believe her and all that shit that are like, well, you can't believe... | ||
| Sometimes people are lying. | ||
| Oh, are they now? | ||
| When it came after him, yeah. | ||
| That's really despicable, man. | ||
| Well, there's only a few people out there that don't do that, that are in the media, that are in that sort of... | ||
| The media loves this shit more than... | ||
| I mean, how they hate Trump when it's like 90% their fucking fault. | ||
| There's a lot of different things going on, man. | ||
| Did you see Annihilation? | ||
| Some of it is like sports. | ||
| It's like you want your team to win. | ||
| It's a lot of that. | ||
| I think that's a huge amount of that. | ||
| Huge amount of that. | ||
| You know that movie Annihilation with Natalie Portman? | ||
| Yeah, that was the one where they, that was by the same guy who made Ex Machina, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, that was really good. | ||
| Remember the end and Natalie Portman? | ||
| Don't spoiler alert for everybody. | ||
| This is quarantine. | ||
| People can see that movie now. | ||
| Alright, well, when you see it, they've had enough time to watch it. | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| There's a thing of her that's rainbow-colored that's like a duplicate of her. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And she's trying to run. | ||
| It's pressing her against the door. | ||
| She's fighting it. | ||
| And then she stops for a minute, and then she gives it a grenade and pulls it and gets away. | ||
| The more she would fight it, it would give equal reaction back at her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what these people... | ||
| It's like Trump's your fucking reflection and you hate it. | ||
| And the more they fight it, the more it presses them back up against the door. | ||
| And they're never going to figure out how to just give him the grenade and pull the pin and walk away. | ||
| Because they can't like... | ||
| He definitely makes mistakes, but they are also so wrapped up in everything that he does... | ||
| In a way that they distort even things that probably turn out to be a good idea. | ||
| He plans for that. | ||
| He does that every... | ||
| The people that just could get ruined by one minor thing, you're like, I'll do a thing every fucking day. | ||
| And what are you going to do? | ||
| And people, like... | ||
| A bunch of people just don't follow him. | ||
| It's genius, dude. | ||
| If you hate his guts, you can't say it wasn't very smart. | ||
| But people are so wound up. | ||
| This is... | ||
| Look... | ||
| Anytime you get too emotional about things, your view of things get distorted. | ||
| It's one of the things that happens in fights all the time. | ||
| You see, fighters talk shit to each other, right? | ||
| And one of the reasons why they talk shit to each other is because they're trying to get the other person emotionally invested in the fight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're trying to get them angry and pissed off where they're going to do something irrational, they're not going to be logical. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what you're seeing. | ||
| You're seeing that with him. | ||
| Instead of them analyzing it, it's like everything is a personal affront, and he's like a demon that must be slain. | ||
| That's people that vote for a feeling. | ||
| That Obama feeling, that's why it's such an offense. | ||
| It's not about anything Obama did or didn't do. | ||
| It's the feeling that people got. | ||
| It's been offended, and they want that back. | ||
| Always said about him, like, forget about his policies. | ||
| Like, he was a great statesman. | ||
| The way he would talk would be like... | ||
| Yes, that's the thing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He was reserved, and he was articulate and smooth, and when you would hear him talk, like, that's an excellent representation of the United States. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Like, perfect. | ||
| That's one of our top dudes. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, even-keeled, didn't get angry. | ||
| I expect certain bourgeois norms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Whereas, like, the thing with Trump is that he's, you know, like you said, he's not really a politician, so he's just being the guy he's always been. | ||
| And everybody's like, I thought you were going to be a president, though. | ||
| I thought you were going to act like we need—because you want to be called POTUS. I thought people got him for specifically the opposite of that. | ||
| It's like, and that shit's done now. | ||
| So people still want the West Wing or whatever the fuck, like— That's what it is. | ||
| It's like you're West Wing kind of people. | ||
| If you want reform, real reform, you should be kind of happy that he exposed it. | ||
| What I think it exposes is how not rigged it is. | ||
| Because if someone controlled it, no fucking way. | ||
| They only control some of it. | ||
| Yeah, based on the fucking of Bernie and him getting in. | ||
| Not that Bernie was going to win. | ||
| The fucking of Bernie, though, it's crazy. | ||
| It's like you're watching in real time. | ||
| Bernie's not fit to be president. | ||
| Listen, if you get bulldozed like that, you're not fit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| I think he's a genuinely good man, which is why he's unfit to be the president. | ||
| This is not a job for that. | ||
| Well, this is one of the reasons why they're so scared of Tulsi Gabbard. | ||
| It's because she doesn't lay down like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Once she had that moment with Kamala Harris in the debates. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That was great, by the way. | ||
| It was fucking amazing. | ||
| Instead of saying, wow, this lady's dynamic, they're like, oh shit, we can't really control her. | ||
| She's going to attack our top lady. | ||
| She's going after people. | ||
| She's saying things that if you want your team to win, you're not going to give up those cards so early. | ||
| Well, there's an internal thing you've got to settle with, all the people that are actual left that are mad, and they want their Trump. | ||
| And so they're not going to go along with the same, because I think a lot of liberals don't get that the lefties hate you more than they hate a Nazi. | ||
| They hate you more than any right-winger, just a regular liberal. | ||
| That's who they want to get. | ||
| That's why they turn on Ellen or whoever the fuck, because they're waiting to have a reason to turn on you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No one's going to pass the purity test. | ||
| No one. | ||
| They're just looking for something. | ||
| And I think that, again, it goes back to the thing, like, that's not nice. | ||
| Like, if all your... | ||
| You're constantly attacking... | ||
| Now's not the time to be nice, Joe. | ||
| Now's the time for rage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was someone that... | ||
| Someone wrote something about... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That guy from CNN. What's his name? | ||
| Brian... | ||
| Stelter. | ||
| Stelter. | ||
| The one who looks like Divine out of drag. | ||
| That's that guy. | ||
| He wrote something about angry journalism. | ||
| I forget what he wrote, but it was widely criticized. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Well, because it was like, basically, he's admitting that this is, like, you're not doing journalism. | ||
| This is like editorial. | ||
| It's an editorial take. | ||
| Yeah, that's a direct, very, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's like you're calling for activism more than you're calling for reporting the news. | ||
| And you believe that you're correct, so you're going to, like, push your idea. | ||
| I mean, this is what, when we go to the news, what we really want is someone who's going to tell us exactly what happened without any political bend to it. | ||
| That's what we really want. | ||
| And we expect, by the way, I still, even saying that, I still expect I'm probably going to see a little bit of it. | ||
| People figure in there's probably going to be that. | ||
| And when I was a kid, it was like that, but not near to now, where it's become like a catty gossip mixed with news. | ||
| Yeah, now it's fucking bonkers. | ||
| Because women shared more online. | ||
| They're targeting the emotions of women. | ||
| That's specifically... | ||
| By design. | ||
| This is the same thing we're talking about with the Elon Musk thing. | ||
| How could you say that he didn't do that when he can show you all these tweets? | ||
| How can you accuse someone? | ||
| He's just out to get him, dude. | ||
| They have a thing for him. | ||
| The same thing, though, right? | ||
| Where are we in the news world now? | ||
| Some rapper talking about how the cops won't leave him alone. | ||
| He's like a guy like... | ||
| The cops are always going to bother him. | ||
| He just got on the bad side of it. | ||
| It's an institution. | ||
| And all these institutions, if you talk about it, they hate you. | ||
| They have it in for you. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Think of a cop that's corrupt going, well, the thin blue line. | ||
| But you're a fucking dirty... | ||
| So that's how they are with Elon Musk? | ||
| So they are with a bunch of people. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It's not like so much about justice, let's say, as it is about processing and the system and shit. | ||
| That's their job, okay? | ||
| And that's what they fucking... | ||
| Did you find his quote? | ||
| A bunch of people had made a meme out of it and were passing it around. | ||
| It was him calling... | ||
| I forget the expression that he used, but I really wish I could remember, because I looked at someone's tweet about it or Instagram about it, and they were saying, finally, you're admitting what you really do. | ||
| Finally, you're admitting that your rage journalistic instincts are showing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, right. | ||
| It's rage journalism, you know? | ||
| They've been open like that for a while, I feel like. | ||
| We need somewhere that's going to give us the information, just clear, 100% dedicated to factual information, without any political bend at all. | ||
| No one's doing that. | ||
| Somebody will be like, it's not possible, so it might as well be my politics. | ||
| It's got to be possible. | ||
| It used to be possible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's got to be possible to just read the news. | ||
| Because if you look at every... | ||
| There's got to be some things... | ||
| Whoever does that will start getting views and... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Somebody who fills that niche, it will be successful. | ||
| Because there's going to be people who should be able to report on... | ||
| Maybe dumb shit that Trump tweets and also report on the really important things that are happening that are good for the economy. | ||
| They should just stop reporting on Trump's tweets. | ||
| Just try it. | ||
| Just fucking try it for a minute. | ||
| You're playing right into his hand, first off. | ||
| It's like annihilation. | ||
| Look what he said. | ||
| And then, while they do that, he gets a judge in or something. | ||
| He does that all the time. | ||
| It's very savvy, dude. | ||
| Oh, he's very savvy in a lot of ways. | ||
| It's like the fake, not sophisticated language that he uses. | ||
| It's almost like he uses that to kind of throw you off the trail. | ||
| Unlike Don King with crazy hair, he's got his own crazy hair. | ||
| It's almost like in some ways it throws you off the trail. | ||
| There's something about crazy hair that really... | ||
| It throws you off the trail. | ||
| There's no newspaper or no thing that I subscribe to where I don't get at least some political bias one way or the other. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Just clearly mark the stuff that's editorial or this is not news. | ||
| Just mark it as that. | ||
| There has to be. | ||
| And have news. | ||
| And then the news, you save one for the part that it goes. | ||
| Everybody just do their job. | ||
| You don't have to fucking, to the Daily Show, I blame a lot of this on the Daily Show, not because it was bad, a whole bunch of people, that became news for them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so then all the other ones were like, why don't we have a Daily Show, but more news than comedy. | ||
| That's so true. | ||
| People, it's terrible. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| That's such a good point that I never even considered. | ||
| I mean, I didn't make it up. | ||
| Somebody must have said it. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Someone said it, but it's a great point. | ||
| It's right. | ||
| That's news for a lot of kids. | ||
| Like college kids, they're barely paying attention. | ||
| They're flipping through Comedy Central and Jon Stewart's in there telling them what's going on in a hilarious way, in a hilarious way. | ||
| Dude, Trevor Noah want, like, that's a different generation because I would just be like, why is it? | ||
| By the way, I know him. | ||
| I met him before. | ||
| Like, I like him. | ||
| But I'm just like, why do you have some guy that shows not an American? | ||
| What is with a guy with a foreign accent here? | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| All these shows that are like the American, it's always someone not from here. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Like John Oliver. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| And I even like him. | ||
| I like him a lot. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| They seem to have a fucking, what do you call it? | ||
| I don't have that kind of feeling of like... | ||
| I always have a level of that. | ||
| Like, who the fuck are you? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I can't imagine going to England and doing a political show about their politics. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I can't even fathom that. | ||
| That is kind of funny. | ||
| So, that's just like a thing that... | ||
| This is the only country I think you could probably do it. | ||
| No, didn't Tom Rhodes do it? | ||
| Holland? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He had a show in Holland that wasn't even the Tom Rhodes show. | ||
| He had to play a character. | ||
| The character was a talk show host. | ||
| He couldn't just be a talk show host? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| So instead of Tom Rhodes, he'd be like, I'm Pete McGillicuddy. | ||
| But then it's a talk show. | ||
| It was like the Pete McGillicuddy show starring Tom Rhodes or something like that. | ||
| Not Pete McGillicuddy. | ||
| What was the name of it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kevin Masters. | |
| That's right. | ||
| Kevin Masters show starring Tom Rhodes. | ||
| It wasn't like a sitcom though, right? | ||
| No, but it was like a talk show host where, or a talk show rather, where he would play a guy that was different than him. | ||
| Named Kevin Masters. | ||
| I mean, did that what they did or did they just call it the Kevin Masters show and he would say, I'm Tom Rhodes? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, is it like a joke? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a joke you could only pull off in Holland. | ||
| And when everybody's high on mushrooms and tired from going to the whorehouses. | ||
| Yeah, you're pretty much right. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Kevin Masters was a generic American name the producers used to fill in until they find an actual host. | ||
| Holland's a fascinating place, man. | ||
| It's a fascinating place because it was one of the first places where people go to get high. | ||
| I haven't either. | ||
| But it's also the place that produced some of the best kickboxers ever. | ||
| Why did I? I kind of knew that for some reason. | ||
| A shitload of them came out of Holland, man. | ||
| Holland is like the motherland for badass kickboxers. | ||
| Like, when you hear about a kickboxer, you hear about him from Holland, it's like hearing about a jiu-jitsu black belt who's from Brazil. | ||
| You're like, whoa! | ||
| Like, Holland has... | ||
| Yeah, why is that? | ||
| Dude, they're animals, man. | ||
| Doesn't Belgium have a lot of, like, Van Damme kind of people, too? | ||
| I'm sure they do. | ||
| I don't know anything about Belgium, but I do know a lot about Holland. | ||
| A guy in a horizontal striped shirt? | ||
| Right. | ||
| They can do flips and... | ||
| With black and white checkered vans on. | ||
| Yeah, Holland has also really large people. | ||
| I think the average height for a man is six feet tall. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah, women are really big there, too. | ||
| They have a bunch of great heavyweight kickboxing champions, like Peter Ertz. | ||
| He came out of Holland. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| Ernesto Hust. | ||
| Ernesto Hust is one of the most brilliant and beautiful technicians of all time. | ||
| He came out of Holland. | ||
| Is kickboxing, that and jiu-jitsu, is that the two in MMA? Is that like the things everybody basically just have to know? | ||
| Yeah, you have to know wrestling, too. | ||
| But wrestlers have to know submissions as well. | ||
| And everybody has to know stand-up because you're standing up. | ||
| But it depends. | ||
| There's a few guys. | ||
| Is it like stand-up comedy? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Everyone has to do stand-up. | ||
| Two different types of stand-up. | ||
| When you say stand-up, you mean striking. | ||
| I got my judo, and I got a spot at the store. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I didn't even think about it that way. | ||
| In my mind, I have two different types of stand-up that I don't even... | ||
| I just say it. | ||
| You gotta work on your stand-up. | ||
| People do say that. | ||
| You gotta work on your stand-up. | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It's striking. | ||
| You gotta work on your striking. | ||
| Oh, striking, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it means. | ||
| But it basically means stuff that you do on your feet. | ||
| He's been working a lot on his stand-up. | ||
| I remember seeing it on a Star Trek episode or any kind of sci-fi where they're trying the martial arts of the future. | ||
| This martial art is the culmination of all. | ||
| And they did it on Star Trek. | ||
| This is their future martial arts. | ||
| It's nothing like MMA. I don't remember that at all. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| It was like a ridiculous high-kicking... | ||
| Well, that's where Bruce Lee was brilliant. | ||
| Bruce Lee kind of figured it out. | ||
| Bruce Lee, in a lot of his movies, sort of depicted mixed martial arts fights. | ||
| Do you think in real life that Bruce Lee could beat Brad Pitt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't think he would have fought anybody, man. | ||
| Not like that. | ||
| If you get back to that story about Quentin Tarantino's depiction of him, I don't think he would have done that. | ||
| I don't think he would have behaved like that. | ||
| He wasn't a buffoon. | ||
| He was a tough guy. | ||
| I'm sure he was very confident. | ||
| When you read the things that he wrote and when you see the interviews that he gave where he talks about things, he was a very deep thinker. | ||
| He wasn't a buffoon. | ||
| He would talk about things in a very profound way. | ||
| I didn't like how they portrayed Charles Manson either in that movie. | ||
| Dude, you gotta read this. | ||
| You gotta read this book. | ||
| You can't even get it right now. | ||
| It's Tom O'Neil's Chaos, Charles Manson, the CIA, and the Secret History of the 60s. | ||
| I listened to the audio version of it. | ||
| He gave me this, but the fucking podcast I did with him blew my mind. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, these things are crazy. | ||
| But this one, this one's even more crazy because it's all about these psychiatrists that were experimenting on hippies with acid. | ||
| Isn't that why the Unabomber fucking... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because they did a hippie experiment on him when he was like a teenager. | ||
| He was part of the Harvard LSD studies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's fucking crazy, dude. | ||
| Dude, they did it to a lot of people. | ||
| That's what this book ultimately turned out to be about. | ||
| Tom O'Neil wrote this over 20 years. | ||
| It took 20 years for him to put all this together. | ||
| He started as a small story. | ||
| I think it was like a 5,000 word story for Vanity Fair. | ||
| Or no, Premiere. | ||
| Premiere Magazine. | ||
| And that magazine eventually went under. | ||
| And then he got a book deal and he missed a deadline. | ||
| Because he kept diving deeper and deeper into MKUltra and CIA. Yeah, dude. | ||
| Oh, it's crazy. | ||
| Did, uh... | ||
| This book is a mind blower because it's all factual. | ||
| He's got 60 pages of references and citations at the back of it. | ||
| I will totally listen to this book since I can't get it. | ||
| They sold out. | ||
| They didn't prepare. | ||
| Have you ever read the manifesto, the Unabomber manifesto? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| It's crazy how... | ||
| How almost reasonable it sounds. | ||
| Like technology is going to be a problem. | ||
| It's very weird. | ||
| I don't see the connection of where he blew these people up. | ||
| The point you all agree with, but they're so rational, it sounds like he came from the future and he had to make those bombs. | ||
| I bet that's what he thought. | ||
| It reads like that. | ||
| It's wild, dude. | ||
| There's a guy named Jolly West that's a part of these MKUltra experiments, and he's connected to the Manson family and all these other different people. | ||
| But why the Manson family? | ||
| Because Charles Manson was a guy that, for sure, they gave him acid in prison. | ||
| At least the way they're describing the possibility, he was even talking about certain doctors, and he has the last name, the doctor is the last name, but the doctor is a part of this program, and doctors that treated him while he's in prison, and he comes out of prison, and there's evidence that he gets released over and over and over again every time he violates parole. | ||
| Someone on high wants him out on the streets, and he's got a large supply of acid, and he's got very sophisticated techniques that he's utilizing that he learned in jail. | ||
| Sophisticated techniques of how to brainwash hippies on acid. | ||
| Get them to fuck each other. | ||
| By the way, if you're just a very manipulative criminal, you can figure out how to manipulate hippies on acid. | ||
| You certainly can. | ||
| You don't need training for that. | ||
| But we're talking about within two years, he's got to murder in people. | ||
| I think the pimp lessons he learned helped him do that. | ||
| The disassociation with reality through LSD, through constant trips, daily trips, he got so much acid for brainwashing. | ||
| I'm just saying, I'm sure he did that. | ||
| I don't know that he did it for the CIA. I could easily see him, for his own reasons, brainwashing people with that acid. | ||
| Let me clarify. | ||
| When I say he was a part of a CIA experiment, I don't mean he did what he did for the CIA. What I mean is they let him do what he was doing and they encouraged him and helped him and gave him drugs. | ||
| That's like the story of... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's very believable. | ||
| If you're letting this guy keep getting released every time he robs a car or someone's house or when you think he's going to somehow or another be locked up and you want him out on the street doing this thing. | ||
| And they were trying to discredit the hippie movement and the anti-war movement back there. | ||
| And that's part of the way they did it. | ||
| They infiltrated these groups in one way or another. | ||
| And one of them would be to take a guy like him. | ||
| Yeah, like the old Mary Hill boat lift when they dropped a... | ||
| Cuba emptied their prisons into America. | ||
| Yeah, fuck you. | ||
| Yeah, that's a... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's a pretty well-known thing, the thing about the drugs. | ||
| Like, well, it was just, you know... | ||
| Yeah, it's a pretty well-known thing. | ||
| It'll weed out the weak elements of society and we'll get a lot of information. | ||
| Well, it's also, they didn't exactly know what would happen when you dose people up with acid back then. | ||
| There was a lot of experiments. | ||
| We got a lot of great info from that Nazi guy, and it's not so easy to get those... | ||
| I'm sure the Nazis were a part of those programs too, right? | ||
| I mean, when they start doing that. | ||
| That Japanese guy who's like worse than fucking Mengele, I can't remember what it's called. | ||
| It's so crazy the shit this guy did to people. | ||
| And they wanted to know what he learned from his human medical experiments. | ||
| So they let him off. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| I wish I remember the name of it. | ||
| It's a Japanese... | ||
| But it's mostly done to Chinese prisoners. | ||
| But, like, you know, cold and pressure and all... | ||
| Like, it's fucking grisly, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's just... | ||
| He did so many amoral, like, experiments. | ||
| There's knowledge that helped humanity that they got... | ||
| Same reason we can go put that great cold in the record in space. | ||
| These people have useful knowledge. | ||
| Yeah, isn't that crazy? | ||
| So, educate yourself if that's... | ||
| They're like, look, it's more important that you tell us how many pounds of pressure it takes to crush a little kid's head Yeah, we did not know that, officially. | ||
| Yeah, officially. | ||
| Tell us what you got. | ||
| Jesus Christ, just let him go. | ||
| Imagine being that guy who killed, like, hundreds of people and they just let you go. | ||
| Imagine you, like, eating ice cream at a diner. | ||
| Just fucking sitting by yourself. | ||
| I doubt you have to eat either. | ||
| Drinking a cup of coffee, eating ice cream. | ||
| Nobody even knows. | ||
| And you're like, thank you, I'd like one more, please. | ||
| Didn't they have that, uh, oh, here it is, Shiro Ishii, that's the guy. | ||
| That's the guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He led in development and application of biological weapons at Unit 731. And how do you say that word? | ||
| Manchukuo? | ||
| Manchukuo? | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| Manchukuo? | ||
| The U and the O together? | ||
| How do you say that? | ||
| Probably just sneeze it, basically. | ||
| Manchukuo. | ||
| Manchukuo. | ||
| Anyway, however we say it, during the Second Sino-Japanese War from 1937 to 1945, including the bubonic plague attacks on Chinese cities, oh my god, and the planned attack against the United States. | ||
| In Operation Cherry Blossoms. | ||
| Holy fuck, man. | ||
| Oh, isn't that the one where they would send the balloons across the country? | ||
| Yeah, it didn't. | ||
| Yeah, it didn't work. | ||
| Or they'd use bats or something. | ||
| What were they going to do with the Operation Cherry Blossoms at night? | ||
| Imagine just like, this is my plan. | ||
| Operation Cherry Blossoms at night. | ||
| Bio-warfare. | ||
| They're gonna drop the blind plague, color of smallpox. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So they were gonna do that to America in balloons? | ||
| Is that what they're gonna do? | ||
| And to come at us through our most vulnerable way, our love of balloons? | ||
| Yeah, no one would ever want them. | ||
| Who would resist? | ||
| Isn't that a fucking song? | ||
| 99 red balloons go by. | ||
| That was about Shiro Ishii, 99 Luftballons. | ||
| That was a big song when I was in high school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The girl was cute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, these killed six American civilians near Bly, Oregon. | ||
| I thought they didn't kill anyone. | ||
| Crashed into a farm in Medford, Oregon, and caused a short circuit on the power lines supplying electricity for the nuclear reactor. | ||
| Cooling pumps in the Manhattan Project's production facility. | ||
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| What were they dropping on him? | ||
| They had balloons with bombs attached to him. | ||
| But was it supposed to be with plague or something? | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| Jamie said that was part of it. | ||
| But what I did hear on... | ||
| There was an episode they did about this on one of my favorite podcasts, which is... | ||
| Radio Lab. | ||
| Radio Lab did a whole series or a whole episode, rather, about these balloons that people would find, these non-detonated balloons. | ||
| And I think people accidentally blew themselves up a couple of times. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think people found them and then they found out after the war about the project. | ||
| But I think a bunch of them made it here. | ||
| And some of them went off and some of them didn't go off. | ||
| It says contaminated fleas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were dropping contaminated fleas. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's so dark. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I'm so glad we're friends with Japan now. | ||
| That's such a dark move. | ||
| In China, all the bad guys, I'd watch the local TV, so everything is about a mean Japanese general and a brave Chinese. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Nazis are a pop culture. | ||
| Go to, like, we always use as a villain. | ||
| Japan is that, too. | ||
| China. | ||
| Well, you and I had this conversation about, you don't have to say a person's name, but someone saying, why isn't it okay to punch Nazis? | ||
| Like, you know that conversation? | ||
| Yeah, right, right. | ||
| I've had that same conversation with people. | ||
| And you and I were both like, yeah. | ||
| By all means, punch a Nazi, but I want to just see your Nazi detector. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, exactly. | |
| When you're Nazi-dowsing to find these Nazis, I can't just go off your word like, no, I'll handle it. | ||
| Dude, I read someone calling Ben Shapiro a Nazi. | ||
| There's a guy, I think maybe you were going to have him on, but I like him. | ||
| He's a guy on YouTube that reviews comic books that he fucking got... | ||
| It's crazy what they did to him. | ||
| Oh, I've heard the story. | ||
| I've heard the story. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Something Comics? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's called... | ||
| It's called... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| His name's your boy Zack. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| What is his... | ||
| Comics Matter is what your boy Zack is the name of the channel. | ||
| And so what happened with him? | ||
| What was the story? | ||
| He made him into like some kind of... | ||
| He was crazy. | ||
| He made him into some kind of Nazi. | ||
| I mean, he's the most reasonable. | ||
| The reviews are so utterly reasonable. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Where... | ||
| And by the way, guy gives credit to people when he thinks they're good. | ||
| Like, there's nothing... | ||
| If you actually looked at what he said, there's nothing there at all. | ||
| But because he mocks the dumb shit they do in comics now, they made him... | ||
| They're like, he's a white nationalist. | ||
| He has a lawsuit because they did that to him. | ||
| Injecting social justice warrior credos into comic books now, right? | ||
| Well, there's a little power. | ||
| There's a little fiefdom of Portland weirdos that, I guess, run comics now. | ||
| I didn't know this. | ||
| Fiefdom of Portland weirdos is the best description. | ||
| Besides blame the Daily Show, I blame Portlandia for the other half of problems, just so you know. | ||
| Before you guys fucking unleash Cthulhu out of there. | ||
| Oh, we're going to have some laughs and fucking... | ||
| Dude, that's so true. | ||
| They are the... | ||
| That is the liberal epicenter. | ||
| That's Mecca. | ||
| Like, the comedy store is Mecca for comics. | ||
| That's Mecca for social justice warriors. | ||
| And it's like in a really annoying... | ||
| Like, I didn't know... | ||
| I did a comedy show at Stonewall one time in... | ||
| You know, Stonewall, like the historic, like where the gays fought the cops in the village. | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| In New York. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I thought it was going to be a good show because, you know, this is back in the days of, you know, where Joan Rivers was like a gay icon. | ||
| You know, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So I assumed it would be a great crowd. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and the guy who was combing my hair was like, no, dude, you don't go... | ||
| That's not where like cool gays are at fucking Stonewall. | ||
| That's like some dipshit... | ||
| Living out their worst fantasy of being gay. | ||
| So I didn't even realize. | ||
| It's like going to Hate Street in San Francisco. | ||
| Oh, today. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, jerk off. | ||
| It's not 67, fuckface. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So I think there's a lot of that setting in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're trying to bring it back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Yeah, anytime there's a place where hippies, it's like, that's a fire. | ||
| I miss hippies. | ||
| Okay, it'll burn out. | ||
| Hippies were a lot more fun. | ||
| Right, but they burn out. | ||
| It burns. | ||
| It's like there's no fuel there. | ||
| It eventually... | ||
| It goes away. | ||
| The kind of new-ish thing to me of that is the Twitter, like, certain groups just got marketed to based on lazy following, like, ooh, what does Twitter say? | ||
| Like, that should never be an article anymore. | ||
| Like, Twitter is saying, that should never be a thing I need to know about, ever. | ||
| Well, that's what we're, yeah. | ||
| So that got catered to so much, it created a bubble around people that's fucking crazy, and they're getting fed it still just to sell them products, and this virus is gonna fucking pop that bubble. | ||
| It's like bad real estate right now, being a fucking, being woke. | ||
| There's a real estate market that is gonna... | ||
| Being upset about stupid shit when real shit's going down is always out of fashion. | ||
| Yeah, the value's way down. | ||
| Yeah, it's out of fashion. | ||
| Well, that's where it came from in the first place. | ||
| It came from not enough real problems. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I don't think it's the end of the world. | ||
| And it also came from people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Same thing. | ||
| I never could get emotional about who's president. | ||
| I was in a Doomsday cult, dude. | ||
| I thought I was going to kill all of you by now, was how I absolutely thought. | ||
| Any minute now, so people think that's the end of the world. | ||
| They say that, but... | ||
| Have you ever seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? | ||
| Yeah, I like that show. | ||
| That's a funny show. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Yeah, the first episode of that? | ||
| I mean, I didn't live underground with Jon Hamm, but certainly that mindset, yeah. | ||
| It's a funny fucking show. | ||
| It's just communal reinforcement keeps you in things. | ||
| And also, the people around me were nice. | ||
| I'm not bitter about it. | ||
| It's just like, I can't ever be, or don't stumble your brother. | ||
| It's not any kind of courage or anything. | ||
| I'm compulsive. | ||
| Well, for a guy like you, it's always important for a guy like you to talk about it. | ||
| Especially a guy like you, who's all the way out and is now a comic. | ||
| Because people need to understand that it's a trap that you can get sucked into. | ||
| It's like a pattern of behavior and thinking, and you get this confirmation from all the people that you're around. | ||
| Everybody's doing the same thing. | ||
| We all could get sucked into it. | ||
| I think I'm only less susceptible to that now just because of growing up in that. | ||
| So because it's such an obsessive thing to me, I'm more likely to see it where it's not than not see it. | ||
| But some people are not going to understand that. | ||
| If you didn't grow up in a religion where you had to do it, you have no idea. | ||
| You don't understand religious people. | ||
| And it shocks me at the level that people don't understand religion. | ||
| It's almost like we need another word. | ||
| For what? | ||
| Because you know what you're saying that social justice warrior behavior, in a lot of ways, it gets very religious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it gets religious also for Republican conservative type of behavior. | ||
| That gets very religious, too. | ||
| I can tell you a religion when it becomes called woke. | ||
| That sounds like a religion. | ||
| Anything that you get devoted to, where you said it, that team thing, like, well, we got to stay on the team. | ||
| Have you ever had a conversation, like, here's an example, with a right-wing person who doesn't believe in climate change? | ||
| Yeah, I used to always argue with Nick... | ||
| DePaulo? | ||
| Yeah, when we were doing... | ||
| He doesn't believe in climate change? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| No, not about that, but DePaulo is always like, we'd be on that lucky... | ||
| What was the Hulu thing that Louie had? | ||
| Jeez, I'm so fucking high. | ||
| Louie. | ||
| Horse and Pete. | ||
| Oh, oh, oh. | ||
| So Nick, he's awesome to hang out with waiting to shoot something. | ||
| He was awesome. | ||
| But arguing about political shit, he gets like... | ||
| He gets heated. | ||
| And he's like, what do you, love Obama? | ||
| It immediately goes to that. | ||
| But yeah, but you know, I like him. | ||
| I think I wouldn't want him not to say what he thinks. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| I don't know something about Obama. | ||
| I don't know, some stupid guinea pig. | ||
| You should be able to say whatever you want to say. | ||
| I have no issues engaging people like that. | ||
| I'm used to knocking on strangers' doors. | ||
| So nobody wanting to talk about their thing threatens me in any way. | ||
| Like, proselytizing does not bother me. | ||
| It would bother me if I'm not allowed to hear it. | ||
| Because I don't need someone to tell me what I can... | ||
| Do you think there's less examples of that on the right than there are on the left? | ||
| Of people with sort of compulsive speech? | ||
| I think that the people that whoever needs to worry about are all the people that aren't too far to one or the other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I agree. | ||
| There's every degree, every goddamn thing. | ||
| There can't just be two parties, which is the good one and then the immoral, evil ones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| By the way, 68 fucking genders and only two sides of politics. | ||
| That's fucking incredible. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| Yeah, so that's what happened to that guy, your boy Zack. | ||
| He got fucking, you're with us or you're a Nazi. | ||
| Yeah, that's the problem. | ||
| They want compliance. | ||
| It's a game. | ||
| It's not just people that have an ideology and some people agree with it and some people don't. | ||
| It's a game of compliance. | ||
| Wait, did you see the New Mutants thing? | ||
| Mutants? | ||
| The New Mutants, the Marvel? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, Marvel's reboot of the New Mutants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You said it earlier, the new comics that they're making, remember? | ||
| Right, but what is the new Mutants? | ||
| Not that, it's not, it's, what is it called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you mean the TV show, the new Mutants? | |
| Not the new, I'm sorry, not the new Mutants, the new Warriors. | ||
| Have you seen the most, the most woke? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| You're going to think it's a joke. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, so this is the kind of thing he would be laughing at, okay? | ||
| Because I haven't read comics since I was a kid. | ||
| Yeah, I like comic book movies. | ||
| Everybody likes the movies, but it should be easier than ever to give kids the comics. | ||
| Okay, what is this? | ||
| Okay, we have talked about this. | ||
| Snowflake and Safe Space. | ||
| So this is some kind of trolling, but basically they've been doing this in comics for the last... | ||
| It's like a nerdy... | ||
| Here's what happened. | ||
| Comics and Star Wars and all that shit was nerdy guys that don't get laid stuff at one point. | ||
| And then it became kind of cool to be a nerd. | ||
| And then it became a hot property. | ||
| And so then it got claimed by... | ||
| The Cthulhu Portland thing? | ||
| That's what comes of it. | ||
| This. | ||
| Unironically. | ||
| Look how unironically they swapped the gender colors. | ||
| Blue and pink. | ||
| Yeah, people that are fucking... | ||
| I don't even know... | ||
| Whose jurisdiction this is? | ||
| But people were mad at this. | ||
| The people they were trying to pander to were like, I don't dress like this. | ||
| You better not. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| If you dress like that, even people that don't want to make fun of you will start making fun of you. | ||
| Well, it just looks like I would give up. | ||
| I'm like, I can't mock you better than you're doing yourself. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I mean, if I was like, hey, why don't you make fun of the stupidest woke comic you could think of, that would be my character. | ||
| Bro, her bulge is bigger than his bulge, too. | ||
| Have you noticed that? | ||
| Well, how do you know that's the woman? | ||
| Well, I'm assuming the one that's in the blue with the hips like a woman is the woman, and the one that's built like a man, I'm assuming that's a man. | ||
| It's a trick question. | ||
| Neither of them are a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's got a bigger dick. | |
| It's a trick question. | ||
| The answer is, you're a piece of shit. | ||
| You fucking pig. | ||
| You cisgendered ass fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| Then here's... | ||
| Well, B negative isn't as funny as... | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
| Where's the girl with the backpack? | ||
| That's the other one. | ||
| Oh, holy shit. | ||
| Screen time. | ||
| He has goggles over his eyes. | ||
| Because he was exposed to his grandfather's internet gas. | ||
| His grandfather's experimental. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She's fucking hot. | ||
| That's the old. | ||
| That's the old warriors. | ||
| Oh, those are the old ones? | ||
| Oh, those back in the good days. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Where's the girl with the backpack? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Go back up to the top. | ||
| This is boring. | ||
| This is the main... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| That's not a superhero. | ||
| What do you think her power is? | ||
| Her power is eating cake. | ||
| No. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's a magical backpack that has unlimited snacks. | ||
| No, I'm making that up. | ||
| She just has a magical backpack. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| A pocket dimension with seemingly infinite space, which she could pull out useful or random objects. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So look at the drawing. | ||
| It's not always under her control, though. | ||
| She claims to get her power from God, but not the God you're thinking of. | ||
| Jesus Christ, I can't do this. | ||
| But look at the drawing. | ||
| Let me see the drawing again. | ||
| Look her in the eyes while you say that. | ||
| She looks strong. | ||
| She can carry a lot of stuff on her back. | ||
| A magical backpack. | ||
| She eats too much. | ||
| You can't be a superhero when you eat too much. | ||
| It's like, you know how Wendy from Wendy's got real big when they showed her again? | ||
| This is like what happened to Dora the Explorer. | ||
| She got older and ballooned up. | ||
| I guess they want something that represents some people. | ||
| That's a luxury. | ||
| That's like when you have the luxury of being like... | ||
| Like Gillette... | ||
| Are you good enough to get Gillette? | ||
| As opposed to being like, please buy our thing. | ||
| We're beneath you. | ||
| We're a fucking razor company. | ||
| That's what this is. | ||
| Fuck you to the people that are into that shit, which you can only do in a good economy. | ||
| Like now, people better love your shit. | ||
| You don't get to just troll them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| It's going to be harder to sell things. | ||
| Or troll me and make me laugh. | ||
| I will give it to that guy who made that up. | ||
| Right, well that's where the benefit of bad things actually comes in sometimes. | ||
| Like some of the best things are bad things that are good by accident. | ||
| Yeah, like what? | ||
| Like that The Room movie? | ||
| You see that movie? | ||
| Yeah, I used to introduce that movie in New York. | ||
| I did it for a promo thing for Comedy Central first, but then I'd never seen the movie, so I kept going back and hosting it. | ||
| And then we made a fake sequel to it. | ||
| This guy, George Glass, and he knew Tommy, so Tommy would leave me these long messages. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's how long ago this was. | ||
| And the guy who played... | ||
| Oh, hi, Mark. | ||
| Greg, his name is... | ||
| He wrote that book that they made in the movie. | ||
| That guy's cool as shit. | ||
| The guy who plays Mark? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the other guy, the one who got a blowjob and he had like... | ||
| He goes, shiver me timbers or something. | ||
| Because he left me underwears in your... | ||
| Remember that guy? | ||
| And he gets a blowjob on... | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Weezo's couch. | ||
| God, I don't remember that. | ||
| Yeah, I remember every character. | ||
| I saw it a bunch of times. | ||
| I don't think I've ever seen it all the way through. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| I think I've only seen scenes. | ||
| I've never gone... | ||
| No, I never went to... | ||
| It has like... | ||
| Well, at the time, I don't know if it does now, but it had that Rocky Horror Picture Show kind of thing, which I never did that. | ||
| So at movie theaters, people would go and group watch it? | ||
| But this movie, group watching it, it feels like right to yell at it. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| I thought it was like a... | ||
| I'm like, I'm not going to get it. | ||
| Immediately, it was like, oh, I really understand this. | ||
| And people yell. | ||
| Sometimes they'll have a band playing and like... | ||
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| But the Rocky Horror Picture Show, they do that because they actually like it. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| This is a different vibe, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's very hard. | ||
| I mean, he's genuinely a fucking maniac. | ||
| And hard to deal with. | ||
| I had to have... | ||
| Dude, I had my girlfriend and another friend dress kind of like slutty and distract him so he wouldn't see the parody thing we made before we showed it. | ||
| And leave. | ||
| Look at the reviews. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that, dude, nobody, listen, to make a thing that's watchably bad is like, that's a beautiful thing that can only rarely happen. | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| Like, The Room is so unfeasibly bad, it has become a cult hit. | ||
| Trust me, this is the worst movie you will ever see ever in your entire life, ever. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| But it's amazing because it's real. | ||
| When they say worst, they have to be... | ||
| I mean, watchable where it's not boring. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's just not boring. | ||
| It's just crazy. | ||
| So I think that's like a real lightning in a bottle. | ||
| It's the worst movie because they're trying to make a good movie. | ||
| It's not the worst movie to watch. | ||
| I think it's the best to go to a theater of people. | ||
| The best? | ||
| The best? | ||
| People are shouting at the screen, because you have cancer. | ||
| The old lady with cancer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's such a crazy movie. | |
| When did you see it? | ||
| I've only seen it on, I guess it was DVD at the time, and I only watched part of it, and then I had to shut it off. | ||
| I'm like, I can't do this. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| I remember those billboards, Jamie. | ||
| When I lived here early in the Hollywood days, right after they made this movie, I would drive around and see that billboard. | ||
| It was up there forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| He had The Room, the movie. | ||
| And we were like, ah, theroommovie.com. | ||
| You'd drive by it. | ||
| Like, what year was that? | ||
| I'm trying to remember. | ||
| I might have made it up because I've seen this, but I feel like I've seen it in person. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He might have had it up. | ||
| He might have had it up still. | ||
| He had a billboard up forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What year was the movie made, though? | ||
| 2003, it said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| How's that possible? | ||
| Well, I missed it. | ||
| I would have thought it was way earlier than that. | ||
| There's also multiple billboards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's one where it was coming soon. | |
| How old is he? | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
| I never saw the top one coming soon. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He looks like an older fella. | ||
| But there's a couple movies like that. | ||
| Like Showgirls is a movie like that. | ||
| I don't remember it. | ||
| I just vaguely remember it. | ||
| It's a good one. | ||
| Is that the end of Elizabeth Berkley after that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hard to bounce back from some of those movies. | |
| Because the movie is so bad or because it was, you know... | ||
| Who knows, man. | ||
| She went from Saved by the Bell to being a dirty girl. | ||
| So did Screech. | ||
| They brought back Saved by the Bell? | ||
| Yeah, Slater. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Still looks good. | ||
| Looking good, freak. | ||
| They just made it. | ||
| Mario Lopez looking good. | ||
| Everybody's looking good. | ||
| So what are they coming back as the parents? | ||
| Yeah, like Zack is... | ||
| Back in the neighborhood? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| There's a bunch of jokes referring to it and there's a bunch of new jokes about like iPads and blah blah blah. | ||
| Are they gonna let Screech back in? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Screech was out there doing porn. | ||
| No, Screech is like... | ||
| I wrote a book about them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think that... | |
| Oh, he was meaning the book, right? | ||
| Behind the bell or something? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Screech was doing stand-up. | ||
| There was Skippy from Family Ties. | ||
| Remember when he was doing stand-up? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know who lived with him? | ||
| Judah, Friedlander, was his roommate. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, and he said Skippy would just be in his room. | ||
| He would smoke pot all day, and then he would come out and be like, did you eat my... | ||
| He goes, I'm going to have a sandwich, and I'm not going to touch it for a while, but I want that sandwich. | ||
| And he would always come out freaked out about missing a call to something. | ||
| What happened to him? | ||
| Does he still do stand-up now or no? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Now I'm Skippy with nuts? | ||
| I used to remember. | ||
| That was his thing? | ||
| Is that what it said? | ||
| He would go, yeah, like he's dirty now, like Skippy with nuts. | ||
| Get it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He would always be there. | ||
| I never met him, I don't think. | ||
| Maybe I met him one time, but he would always be on the wall. | ||
| Like, come in next week. | ||
| Escape you from Family Times. | ||
| I remember that was the first guy that I worked in a club where he worked. | ||
| And I was like, oh yeah, that guy from TV. He's coming next week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, who? | ||
| I met at TV. You know the first guy I remember I saw from TV and comedy where I saw him in the club was the legendary Wid. | ||
| Do you remember that guy? | ||
| I remember that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We saw him walking down the street. | ||
| It was me and Big J were doing the laugh house. | ||
| What was his schtick? | ||
| He was a prop guy from the 80s. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He used to be on Making Me Laugh all the time. | ||
| People don't know that before Carrot Top, prop guy was a genre. | ||
| Yeah, prop guy. | ||
| I don't like when they get political prop. | ||
| You just had all MAGA props. | ||
| Pulling out signs, and it's all like that scene in the NXS video. | ||
| You keep throwing them aside. | ||
| When is prop comedy? | ||
| Remember that Bob Dylan scene? | ||
| One of the old Bob Dylan. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| The lady had the placards, and she's throwing them up in the air. | ||
| Or did Bob Dylan have the placards? | ||
| He had it. | ||
| It's like a couple different people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They've done that more than once, right? | ||
| The people hold up signs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was real whatever. | ||
| I didn't find it to be shit, but I know it's a legendary thing of throwing your placards. | ||
| Yeah, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, there it is, Bob Dylan. | ||
| Oh yeah, right. | ||
| Oh, I'm thinking of U2. Didn't Bono do this after? | ||
| He might have done it too. | ||
| Maybe in tribute. | ||
| I'm thinking of the U2 thing. | ||
| I'm pretty sure NXS did it. | ||
| I've never seen Bob. | ||
| I had no idea Bob Dylan did this. | ||
| He was the first. | ||
| I only saw the remake. | ||
| He would do it to the lyrics to his song. | ||
| What? | ||
| Bring cue cards everywhere? | ||
| Subterranean Homesick Blues. | ||
| That's actually him singing the words. | ||
| So he's doing a music video but refusing to sing. | ||
| He's just holding up these pieces of paper that have all the different lyrics on them. | ||
| Yeah, no, I never saw this version. | ||
| Yeah, it's good. | ||
| We can't play the music, unfortunately. | ||
| Who did the thing that I'm thinking of? | ||
| I think NXS did it. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Yeah, I think it was NXS. NXS, who's the lead singer, is one of those dudes that choked himself to death jerking off. | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't on purpose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was one of those guys. | |
| Are you sure? | ||
| No, no, I'm asking. | ||
| Well, who knows? | ||
| Once you're dead, you can't ask you questions. | ||
| Dude, somebody told me, because a lot of these musicians are ex-heroin addicts, so the only thing that's close to the endorphins of that is a good choke jerk. | ||
| Choke slash jerking off. | ||
| Yeah, choke jerk. | ||
| So they do that. | ||
| It's something very specific. | ||
| That's it at the top, Jamie. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Ten different videos here that did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of people did it. | |
| Oh, these are all different people that did it in different songs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rapper Molly Mall. | |
| Okay, go up to the NSX one. | ||
| Well, I've never seen... | ||
| This is the one you're thinking of. | ||
| The top one. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| This one's pretty famous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mediate. | |
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| I'm thinking... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dude, I actually had no idea Bob Dylan did that first. | ||
| You didn't know? | ||
| I only know an existing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Bob Dylan was the original. | ||
| Do you think that this guy... | ||
| Was he a heroin guy? | ||
| Is that why he was... | ||
| It's like you burn out your pleasure centers of your brain so you need some intense like an explosion of Sensation from a choke jerk. | ||
| I never thought of it until you brought it up, but it totally makes sense Right, if you knew you couldn't shoot up anymore and you wanted to get that rush. | ||
| He wanted to make this as an invention, like a Shark Tank invention, which he means dead serious invention. | ||
| It makes me laugh. | ||
| It's a belt. | ||
| It lets go. | ||
| It's got a sensor in case you gotta jerk off to your belt. | ||
| It has a sensor to just release you when you... | ||
| But if it lets you go in your unconscious, you might bang your head off the floor and die anyway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, some things are worth a risk, okay? | |
| It almost makes you want to try it. | ||
| That's such an embarrassing way to die, though. | ||
| I know, it's too... | ||
| There was a preacher that died. | ||
| He had a wetsuit on. | ||
| He died doing that. | ||
| Oh yeah, who was that? | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| He had a giant dildo up his ass. | ||
| What's the wetsuit for? | ||
| The wetsuit's the cold is coming. | ||
| Does it get messy with that dildo? | ||
| The cold is coming. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| No, I'm just jerking. | ||
| I'm just guessing. | ||
| I would bet it was like a compression hold on that butt plug, the dildo. | ||
| So he's got this dildo up his ass. | ||
| And then the wetsuit squeezes... | ||
| And the wetsuit sucks it all in place so it can't go anywhere. | ||
| So his ass can't shit it out. | ||
| I mean, is it that hard to lose a dildo in your ass that you need a wetsuit? | ||
| I think your ass would want to shit it out immediately, and I think he's probably... | ||
| Oh, and then the tension formed by that. | ||
| He's probably been to other rodeos, and so he's realized what gets him thrown off the horse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I didn't think he just started at wetsuit level. | |
| Wetsuit with a dildo. | ||
| That was his first time in the wetsuit. | ||
| And a noose. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And he's a preacher. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| It's a lot happening. | ||
| A lot of conflicting evidence. | ||
| This guy has seen God. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I believe him more than ever. | ||
| Yeah, imagine God called to him and said, listen, I'm going to bring you to me, but you've got to do it in a humiliating way. | ||
| That's the closest you can get. | ||
| Imagine if God, look, didn't God try to get people to kill their sons? | ||
| Oh, you're talking about... | ||
| What was the story? | ||
| Abraham and Isaac. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's to see if you would do it. | ||
| If you kill your son. | ||
| It's not? | ||
| Yeah, it's not. | ||
| It's a creepy game God was playing. | ||
| Didn't actually go through with it, but it's a creepy game. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, you're not a fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You're not like a cave Jew from the Bronze Ages. | ||
| Imagine that same God today, but he's only around occasionally. | ||
| And he comes down and he talks to his preacher. | ||
| The fucked up thing is the view of your son as property. | ||
| See, this is the old world. | ||
| It's like, God will give you 10 more sons. | ||
| That's in Job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's back when you owned your family. | |
| And by the way, if you didn't own them, somebody would kill them or do something awful. | ||
| That's just how it was. | ||
| Yeah, people are terrible. | ||
| I don't judge none of their shit, but here's the reverse of that. | ||
| I'm not taking any judgment. | ||
| What if Moses saw you doing that? | ||
| It's not his fucking business. | ||
| But imagine if God was real, but God only came down occasionally and tried to get people to do fucked up things like kill their son. | ||
| Imagine if one time he came down- Like he was like a Steve-O in his early prankster. | ||
| He was like an impractical joker. | ||
| Well, he's like Banksy. | ||
| Nobody knows what he looks like, but everybody's pretty sure he exists. | ||
| So he comes down occasionally. | ||
| He's not into giving large-scale advice, but occasionally. | ||
| He goes down and talks to this preacher and says, I want to thank you for believing in me. | ||
| I know you're a true believer, and I'm going to bring you to heaven. | ||
| But, you know, you have too much ego. | ||
| You hold on to too much ego, and I want to humiliate you in death. | ||
| This sounds like the original script of Prometheus. | ||
| This is what he was originally going for. | ||
| Prometheus is a weird one, right? | ||
| I kind of like it. | ||
| It's very stupid, but I like it. | ||
| I don't like it as much as I like the next one. | ||
| The next Alien movie was really good. | ||
| Covenant? | ||
| I like that one, too. | ||
| I love that one. | ||
| I know people didn't like it. | ||
| That was a good one. | ||
| It also features Jussie Smollett before The Allegations. | ||
| It does? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's in it. | ||
| He is? | ||
| Who is he in it? | ||
| He's one of the dudes in the ship. | ||
| Is he a guy who fucking... | ||
| He's one of the dudes. | ||
| Did he go to the cops and say a white alien popped out of his back? | ||
| It popped out of my back and it said, this is a MAGA ship. | ||
| This is MAGA country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Welcome to MAGA country. | |
| This is a MAGA system. | ||
| You're about to enter. | ||
| Yeah, he was one of the dudes piloting the ship with, what the fuck's his name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Kenny... | |
| Oh, right. | ||
| Yeah, the comic, the hilarious guy. | ||
| From the Foot Fist way. | ||
| Danny McBride. | ||
| Yeah, he's on it too. | ||
| He's hilarious in it. | ||
| Yeah, I like it, dude. | ||
| Yeah, so there's Jussie Smollett. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's a fun fucking movie. | ||
| Hey, look, he got jacked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam. | |
| What is that, Cinemorgue? | ||
| Is that in the movie? | ||
| Is that a scene in the movie where he got jacked? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| How did he audition for that part? | ||
| Did that go right through the back of his head? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Now, I want you to imagine a cock coming out the other end of your bar. | ||
| Like, I don't have to. | ||
| My favorite part in that movie is when the one lady locks the lady and the infected guy inside that room after the thing bursts out. | ||
| Oh yeah, that was cool, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| That was a heavy fucking scene, man. | ||
| That was a heavy scene. | ||
| That was a really good scary horror movie scene. | ||
| Yeah, that was genuinely a fucking good... | ||
| And that alien that they made at the end? | ||
| That one that you're showing a picture of, Jamie? | ||
| That thing was... | ||
| That was more in the beginning, that guy. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He was... | ||
| Towards the end, I think, he was the combination alien that the artificial intelligence got. | ||
| Okay, see the dark one there? | ||
| I thought that... | ||
| Oh, oh, oh. | ||
| That's the one that came out later that stowed away. | ||
| Yeah, that bit the girl's shoulder off. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I thought this one was like it would eat... | ||
| It wanted to eat them. | ||
| Yeah, it was trying to eat them. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it looked like. | ||
| That's what it looks like when it came chasing after that lady. | ||
| Oh, Prometheus. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I thought you were talking about Covenant. | ||
| No, I am talking about Covenant. | ||
| Remember when they were downstairs in the other David's place? | ||
| That was a black alien. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| I thought it was white. | ||
| No, that's what comes out of your back. | ||
| The white one in the beginning. | ||
| But I thought there was a white one in that movie that... | ||
| It might have been one that comes running in at the end. | ||
| It looked like that. | ||
| It's lighter skinned. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember that, Jamie? | ||
| I'm not making anything up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't see this movie. | |
| There was a scene towards the end where they realized that this artificial intelligence guy had started breeding these aliens together and combining their DNA with people, with other things. | ||
| And it came and jumped out and got her. | ||
| Where he put its arms up, the alien, like he did like a hand wave and it went like that. | ||
| No, it came in and bit her. | ||
| The Joey Diaz hand wave, space wave. | ||
| It came running out and it bit her on the shoulder. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| This alien looks like Joey Diaz's balls. | ||
| I don't think this is the scene. | ||
| It's when he's downstairs in that artificial... | ||
| There's a pink one. | ||
| It sounds like a pink one. | ||
| It was a weird color. | ||
| It was like a whitish color. | ||
| And it was down when he was in the dwelling where that guy would draw and do all scientific experiments. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no, no. | |
| A face hugger got him. | ||
| Well, there was another one. | ||
| There was a full-grown alien down there. | ||
| Anybody who's like a real alien fan is probably so mad at us right now. | ||
| Yeah, this is it. | ||
| I can feel it. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I think. | ||
| Oh, he gets mad that someone shot it. | ||
| See, it's kind of a white thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's called a neomorph, I guess. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They killed it. | ||
| And he's all mad. | ||
| He goes, hey. | ||
| What is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The music was not. | |
| What is that music that goes with it? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| So there's a scene, but there's a scene where it gets a girl. | ||
| I think. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I think it was, yeah. | ||
| See? | ||
| So it's kind of a pale looking thing. | ||
| No, it is that. | ||
| Lack of entertainment in the last 15 minutes, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I forgot which healing it was. | ||
| I know, it's romantic with this song. | ||
| Well, that was a cool part of the movie, that he had been there for so long, he'd been experimenting with these aliens and making different kinds. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was also interesting, too, the difference between the new version where they had cut out creativity and the old version where he was... | ||
| Wait, they cut out creativity? | ||
| In the artificial intelligence guys. | ||
| You know, there's always like... | ||
| Oh, yeah, right, right, right. | ||
| A robot guy. | ||
| Yeah, there's always a robot guy. | ||
| He tried to kiss himself or something. | ||
| He's like, I love you. | ||
| That's what it looked like, Jamie. | ||
| That's exactly what it looked like. | ||
| Now I can suck my own dick, finally. | ||
| That right there. | ||
| You just had it. | ||
| Bang. | ||
| So, that's what it looked like. | ||
| And then it came out, and its whole mouth opens up, and it bit her shoulder. | ||
| It, like, took a giant chunk out of her. | ||
| If I remember correctly, I'd be... | ||
| I was very scared. | ||
| What is all that different lighting over it? | ||
| Dude, those... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Those are some of my favorite movies. | ||
| Yeah, no, I like it. | ||
| I just wish he showed the fucking engineer. | ||
| I don't like they space it out in other... | ||
| You know, extra movie. | ||
| And he has really something about somebody with like a space Judy. | ||
| Someone like that haircut that fucking fights aliens. | ||
| It's up to this last space Judy to fucking... | ||
| Rolling Stones are playing in the background somehow. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that music? | ||
| Are we fucked now? | ||
| No, I wasn't playing the sound. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| It's, I mean, the series of movies, some of the best horror and science fiction movies of all time. | ||
| You gotta go back to the original one. | ||
| That original Alien holds up. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| Holds up. | ||
| That's a 1979 movie about aliens and space, and it fucking holds up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's still, the technology looks goofy. | ||
| Like the little... | ||
| It's going off in the background. | ||
| All their computers in a fucking older. | ||
| They don't know what they're doing. | ||
| Nothing looks worse than like a 90s tech movie, like Hackers or something. | ||
| Like, ooh, is this a Pentium? | ||
| Back to the Future. | ||
| Yeah, but what were they right about, Back to the Future? | ||
| They were probably right about a lot of shit, right? | ||
| Wasn't Trump president in Back to the Future 2? | ||
| Was he? | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| I think he was president of The Simpsons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Simpsons predicted it, yes. | |
| There's a great video about how accurate the Simpsons were about so many different things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that Matt Groening must be some sort of a time traveler. | ||
| I think he just said whatever the most hilarious thing he could think of was. | ||
| It turned out to be true. | ||
| 13 Simpsons predictions that could not come true, but still could. | ||
| All right, let's see. | ||
| Oh, that have not come true, but still could. | ||
| Ivanka 2028. Ivanka 2028 is probably 100% going to happen. | ||
| If it said Melania, then I would go, oh, time travel. | ||
| Do you think people step up Melania and Michelle Obama together? | ||
| Melania, the hottest first lady we've ever had? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| She's for sure the hottest. | ||
| Any argument will start a fight. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Who's a close second to Melania Trump? | ||
| I mean, it's not even fair to... | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's not fair. | ||
| But Melania and Michelle Obama together. | ||
| Unstoppable ticket. | ||
| Michelle probably was the most... | ||
| Unite the parties. | ||
| Wait, oh yeah, Laura Bush was a... | ||
| She was not bad. | ||
| It was not bad. | ||
| Pretty lady. | ||
| Hillary Clinton when she was younger. | ||
| Fucking Barbara Bush was like, it was like a legendary joke how unfuckable the first lady was. | ||
| The entire 90s, there was like something where a guy would punch Barbara Bush in the face full on. | ||
| Remember that naked gun? | ||
| Yeah, there were so many jokes about it. | ||
| OJ would be falling down the stairs. | ||
| People loved it, dude. | ||
| There were so many jokes about Barbara Bush. | ||
| Dude, she was like, she was legendarily ugly when I was a kid. | ||
| I understood she was the first lady, and also she was one of the ugliest first ladies. | ||
| It just came through over and over again on all media. | ||
| So this is all the first ladies? | ||
| Not all of them, it's just a picture of... | ||
| Do they mock her on every format of whatever? | ||
| They did. | ||
| She was declared ugly. | ||
| They did, it was like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nancy Reagan was always really good. | ||
| Oh, Jackie O, though, was one of the first ones where you could see a bush in her thing. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, remember? | ||
| There was pictures of Jackie and Hustler. | ||
| You could see her bush? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Hustler. | ||
| They got a bunch of money off that. | ||
| That's how Larry Flink got rich. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Like, if it came out, like, fucking... | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why did I forget that? | ||
| He spent a bunch of money on that house that he was going to make to get kicked out of in Ohio. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they thought it was going to be like a Playboy Hustler mansion, Playboy Mansion thing. | ||
| Oh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're like, get out of here. | |
| Well, he did open up some casinos. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Nancy Reagan used to get Ronald Reagan to listen to astrology. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| She had a White House astrologer. | ||
| They would run all the decisions by the astrologer. | ||
| Do you believe in astrology? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Do you do astrology? | ||
| Oh, every day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All day. | |
| I don't. | ||
| In fact, I'm doing it right now. | ||
| I'm a Gemini and we're skeptics. | ||
| Oh, first ladies never married to presidents? | ||
| Never married. | ||
| The other women? | ||
| Oh, the side pieces. | ||
| Wait a minute, but they were still considered the first lady? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is just a trick. | ||
| National First Lady's Library. | ||
| Turn that over, you son of a bitch. | ||
| We are the society, the side piece society of... | ||
| It's like the sons and daughters of the revolution. | ||
| I can't wait for a woman to become president just so we can see what we call the guy. | ||
| Is that not settled? | ||
| Unless she's a lesbian, which would be even better. | ||
| I hope that we find out that you have to love pussy to run the country. | ||
| Whether you love pussy and you have one, or you love pussy... | ||
| That's how I would run if I was a lesbian. | ||
| Like, hey, we all know it's important. | ||
| You have to be willing to eat pussy. | ||
| We all love pussy. | ||
| Wait, is this... | ||
| What am I looking for? | ||
| The weed. | ||
| The weed gotcha. | ||
| I thought he was posting it on the screen. | ||
| The elation for your coronavirus test and then the weed together. | ||
| Can I tell you something? | ||
| An AIDS test was not as stressful. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't feel as... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's, um... | |
| It's probably... | ||
| It's just because it was a long car ride, so I'm just like, oh shit. | ||
| It's probably the most stress-inducing thing any of us have had to go through except for the people that have been to war or first responders or people that have experienced real violence. | ||
| I find it strangely calming because it's so beyond my control. | ||
| It's so beyond. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You had Barry Crimmins on here one time, didn't you? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| So we were on a tour together. | ||
| We almost died in this car accident. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, the car we were in, we were on black ice. | ||
| Who was driving? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This dude, I won't say his name, but anyway, he was fucking... | |
| So he's driving. | ||
| I'm in the passenger seat. | ||
| Barry is behind the driver. | ||
| And we were going about 65 on the highway, which wouldn't be too bad except it's black ice because it's winter. | ||
| And he was trying to pass this tractor trailer. | ||
| So as we're going, the car starts wobbling. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So I remember I said, what the fuck, three times? | ||
| This is how much time there was. | ||
| I didn't, like, duck or anything because I saw the trailer. | ||
| We just started—my side started going under the fucking— Oh, my God. | ||
| So I just remember going, well, I guess I'm dead. | ||
| And then at the very last second, it spun because it was wobbling. | ||
| And then the back where no one was sitting, that got grabbed and the window blew in. | ||
| And then we spun into the middle of the highway. | ||
| It was crazy, dude. | ||
| But afterwards, I remember that me and Barry, I felt like high. | ||
| I remember you telling me the story. | ||
| The driver was weeping, by the way. | ||
| I felt high. | ||
| And the reason was, it was so out of my control. | ||
| I mean, it was so... | ||
| Because I was definitely sure my head was going to come off. | ||
| I just went like that. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And it felt so out of my hands. | ||
| I was like, oh. | ||
| It felt like a... | ||
| I thought I was going to die all kinds of times, but usually it was like, you know, I mixed some kind of drugs or I did something where, you know... | ||
| It made sense. | ||
| So some... | ||
| I think I was trained from, you know, end of the world kind of feelings since birth from being in that day. | ||
| And I think I just have them where it relaxes me more than... | ||
| What would they tell you the end of the world would be? | ||
| You know, whatever everybody says. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Like when you say it was an end of the world cult. | ||
| What did they think? | ||
| Oh, a doomsday cult. | ||
| That God's revelation is going to happen in Armageddon. | ||
| God's going to destroy the wicked system of things. | ||
| It has an appeal to it. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| And then set up a reasonable... | ||
| That the righteous will survive. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Well, Jehovah's Witnesses, some people live on earth in a Garden of Eden restored paradise. | ||
| Have you ever seen the literature? | ||
| They show that. | ||
| I believe it's paintings of Hawaii. | ||
| No. | ||
| You ever go to Hawaii? | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| That's what their heaven is. | ||
| Maybe that's the moon. | ||
| That's what the guy painting it in the things I saw. | ||
| When I finally went to Hawaii, I was like, oh, that's what I thought of paradise my entire life of, you know, the Garden of Eden. | ||
| Hawaii looks like that. | ||
| Imagine if Hawaii was all that was left. | ||
| Like, there's enough people. | ||
| And that's a volcano. | ||
| There's enough people. | ||
| But imagine if that's it. | ||
| Well, there'd be a lot of meth, I'll tell you that. | ||
| How many people, like, Hawaii is supposedly, I think, the spot in the world that's the furthest away from other spots. | ||
| Like, it is completely isolated in the middle of the ocean. | ||
| It's like the Earth's vagina. | ||
| It's lush. | ||
| It's gorgeous, right? | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| But I think it's also five hours by plane to anywhere. | ||
| I think the closest you can get is Guam or places like that, but it's really isolating. | ||
| It shocked me. | ||
| I got there at night when I went to Kauai, which I heard is the good one to go to. | ||
| Kauai's awesome. | ||
| I've never been, but it's gorgeous. | ||
| It was pitch black when I got there at night, and then I woke up and it looked like fucking... | ||
| Jurassic Park. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| That's where they filmed Jurassic Park. | ||
| I was on a cliff. | ||
| It was like every kind of biome in one spot. | ||
| It's magic. | ||
| At least from the photos. | ||
| I've been to Maui. | ||
| I've been to the Big Island. | ||
| Five days is perfect. | ||
| Do you go crazy after that? | ||
| Dude, it would become a beautiful hell that your only joy in life besides methamphetamine would be showing new people that come to the island. | ||
| The movie, weren't they on Hawaii in the show Lost? | ||
| They're desperately trying to get out. | ||
| Well, they're one on an island like Hawaii. | ||
| But they filmed it, I thought, in Hawaii. | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure they did, right? | ||
| Yeah, and you're ready to go after, unless like, it was like a place you go after you die, it felt like. | ||
| Well, some people go to like Maui, and they live there. | ||
| I've seen Dog the Bounty Hunter, I know. | ||
| Oh, I know. | ||
| Steven Tyler lives there. | ||
| A bunch of you. | ||
| Pierce Brosnan lived up the block from where I stayed. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah, I think the climate kind of destroys property, so it's very expensive, the upkeep of owning a home there. | ||
| Dude, I was just reading about Malibu, how much beach Malibu's losing, and they're trying to do all these different things to try to save the beach. | ||
| Like a beach comb over from another beach. | ||
| They're doing... | ||
| As they don't acknowledge there's a problem. | ||
| Much like I do with my hair for many years. | ||
| They're literally calling it beach Botox. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it doesn't last. | ||
| It's like a little quick fix. | ||
| So they pour all this sand into this area and then the ocean swats it away. | ||
| I thought they have a way to make artificial sand dunes that work. | ||
| They have a way to do some walls, but the thing about it is it affects other beaches. | ||
| So if you put up a beach wall over here, it's going to affect the beach of the people down there. | ||
| And so they're like, hey, fuck you. | ||
| You're going to ruin our beach because you want more beach. | ||
| Because there's only a certain amount of water. | ||
| The problem is the water is rising. | ||
| The water is starting to take over. | ||
| So then everybody should have extra water. | ||
| Well, they're saying by 2100, it's going to move all the way through. | ||
| There's going to be none of those houses. | ||
| This is what the story was saying. | ||
| That by 2100, there'll be no more beach. | ||
| None of those houses will exist. | ||
| The beach will be in a totally different spot. | ||
| The water will get so high that it just starts taking over everything. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I'm telling you, China felt like going to the movie Blade Runner. | ||
| I bet it did. | ||
| I wouldn't go now. | ||
| It seems tensions are high now. | ||
| Yeah, well, I was there before the 2016 election, just before it, and they were into Trump. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, because he's like a business. | ||
| That whole thing of your name on everything, Chinese people love that. | ||
| Like, they get him. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I don't know now how it is, but they were all about him because he's a businessman. | ||
| He was successful. | ||
| He's a businessman. | ||
| That's how they fucking... | ||
| Well, he definitely... | ||
| It's not commies, what I'm saying. | ||
| He definitely rubbed them the wrong way with this, right? | ||
| Oh, with... | ||
| No, they don't even have a... | ||
| Dude, if the country of China goes, hey, that's racist, they're... | ||
| They're purely playing on American, like, dippy kind of shit. | ||
| Like, they don't have any feelings like that. | ||
| Do you just see what they're doing with black people there? | ||
| They're kicking them out now. | ||
| They put it on them, you know, instead of the bat soup or whatever everybody said, they're like, oh, it's because it spreads because of black people. | ||
| Are they trying to say that it's because of black people? | ||
| Because they also said it was because of Americans. | ||
| Yeah, they're like fucking Romulans do whatever whatever it takes to make a narrative the government controls like here It's a bunch of corporations pushing what they want. | ||
| They're the fucking guy the head guy the papers pushes Winnie the Pooh agenda I think they just passed a law saying that the Chinese guys can't go online and play video games with people in other countries Yeah, well, Russia has some laws like that, too, where you couldn't get certain American foods because of the fucking, you know, after they went to Crimea, there was like a... | ||
| Oh, an anti-American sentiment? | ||
| But the government was like, yeah, America's alright. | ||
| I watched that interview you did with, what's his name? | ||
| Snowden. | ||
| Yeah, it was interesting, but I thought it really stuck out about how it blows up Putin, because Putin could be failing if not for, same way Trump wins, if not for the constant, like, this guy's the devil and the boogeyman, and it gives them status. | ||
| You know how smoking commercials where they go, quit smoking, and they say they don't work because all it does is put the word smoking in your head. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what they've been doing for fucking five... | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Don't Trump, but all you hear is Trump. | ||
| Well, that was what Trump's play when running up to the election to say more outrageous shit. | ||
| They would Yeah, but they used that to show how bad Doing that on purpose. | ||
| I think I think that's something he's done for many years. | ||
| But I think with them, they didn't even know what was going on until they were checkmated. | ||
| Because they're fucking greedy. | ||
| They were making money off of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, it's a great thing. | ||
| People want to see the dumb shit that he says. | ||
| They want to get outraged. | ||
| They tune into it. | ||
| Well, also, I mean, maybe next time we'll crack down on comedy. | ||
| People want to hear someone not observe Stupid rules. | ||
| They want someone to ace Ventura, but their hand in your food plate and your monocle falls out. | ||
| So that used to be my job, but now my job is being an ally or some shit. | ||
| And Trump gets to do everybody's job of just saying whatever crazy shit he wants. | ||
| He gets to be Tracy Morgan now. | ||
| And Tracy Morgan has to watch it. | ||
| That's the system that we have. | ||
| That's a good way of putting it. | ||
| Nobody tells Tracy Morgan, stop saying crazy shit. | ||
| He's the one guy who can't be stopped for not... | ||
| And by the way, why shouldn't he say crazy shit? | ||
| You could say the most reasonable shit in the world and somebody will... | ||
| The shit with you with Bernie where they're like... | ||
| He better... | ||
| What is he supposed to do? | ||
| Like throw away your... | ||
| Not even direct endorsement? | ||
| All he said is I'll probably vote for him. | ||
| Yeah, like he was supposed to like denounce you. | ||
| I swear to God I read this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I have a huge bit about it now. | ||
| I almost don't want to go into it because I'm hoping that comedy will return. | ||
| I'll be able to do this. | ||
| You gave me like 10 new minutes. | ||
| You got to guard your precious bits. | ||
| No! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You never know! | |
| In this COVID-19 to save the real bangers. | ||
| Are we going to really go back to comedy? | ||
| Like, what's a comedy club going to be like when it returns? | ||
| And when I asked you, when do you think we're going to... | ||
| Like, I was going to ask you. | ||
| Well, that's when it becomes a problem, right? | ||
| Because none of us fucking have an idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all... | |
| I got a podcast, so I guess that's my only... | ||
| Basically, I got a podcast. | ||
| I'm going to start farming tigers, is what I have going on. | ||
| I want my pussy handled. | ||
| Plenty of tigers, so I don't got to worry about getting pussy. | ||
| I'll get pussy. | ||
| That's the move, right? | ||
| If you have tigers, people will fuck you. | ||
| See that guy, the fucking tiger guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he does yoga? | ||
| He does yoga and tigers? | ||
| That guy, that guy fucks. | ||
| Oh, the guru guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What does he call himself? | ||
| Bhagavang Jiga? | ||
| Dude, any white guy calling themselves Bhagavita fucking... | ||
| Oh, God, that's hilarious. | ||
| What does it mean? | ||
| How do you fall for that? | ||
| That blows my fucking mind. | ||
| Same way you fall for Manson, same way you become a social justice warrior. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| People want to belong. | ||
| Your mom kicked you out for having a pot pipe? | ||
| That's how. | ||
| That too. | ||
| There was an FBI raid at your house because you bought drugs in the parking lot of the fast food restaurant you worked at. | ||
| Doc Antle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There he is. | |
| Boggy Von Antle. | ||
| Boggy Von. | ||
| Look at the girls. | ||
| Hey, Boggy Von. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Looking good, bro. | ||
| Congratulations to you. | ||
| He looks good in a tie. | ||
| Nice bow tie. | ||
| The beautiful thing about that show is that those are real people and this is real life. | ||
| And it's like, oh, that's there too. | ||
| I kind of get why the Chinese are grinding up tigers now for dickpack. | ||
| I mean, obviously it works. | ||
| I don't even know why I was criticizing But you could keep the tiger alive and get the same pussy. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do they have tiger bones or something like that? | ||
| Is that one of their ailments? | ||
| What do they use tigers for? | ||
| You've heard the Chairman Mao, his old sayings of... | ||
| His physician wrote a book after he died. | ||
| No, what did he say? | ||
| He was filthy. | ||
| He had syphilis. | ||
| He wouldn't brush his teeth. | ||
| And the doctor was like, listen, you've got to brush your teeth. | ||
| And I swear he got to go, does the tiger brush his teeth? | ||
| What do you even have to say? | ||
| That's like saying, this is New Orleans. | ||
| This is Las Vegas, Nevada. | ||
| This is not China. | ||
| Traditional Chinese medicine, tiger bones are believed to help cure conditions like rheumatism and arthritis, along with erectile dysfunction. | ||
| Rhino horns. | ||
| Oh my god, you put a rhino horn in your ass, you rub some tiger powder on your fucking balls. | ||
| And you're ready to go, baby! | ||
| Yeah, back when they all had syphilis and they just died of it, and it rotted their skin out, their teeth would fall out. | ||
| That's so fucking... | ||
| You see the Johnny Depp movie where he gets the nose fall off syphilis? | ||
| Oh, what was that movie? | ||
| The Libertine. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, it's really like... | ||
| No, I didn't see that one. | ||
| I don't really kind of remember it, but I know at the end he's all fucking syphilitic, and it looks like... | ||
| He looks like a Dead Men Tell No Tales, Pirates of the Caribbean ghost. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| But that was a common thing, because you would just get syphilit. | ||
| Look at his eyeball, too. | ||
| He's got a dead eye. | ||
| He's got makeup on, the wig. | ||
| That's how people lived. | ||
| Imagine what they stunk like back then. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's a thing I have. | ||
| Rotting, syphilitic. | ||
| With a wig on, sweating under the wig, makeup, cake skin, and ugh. | ||
| Just imagine. | ||
| No soap. | ||
| A pair of boots from... | ||
| And you've got open sores probably all over the place because of the syphilis. | ||
| If you lost your nose, it's not all you're losing. | ||
| You've got holes all over your fucking body. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| You get like new nose holes besides... | ||
| Not just nose holes, dude. | ||
| Go to syphilis wounds, like syphilis autopsy, your fucking head falls. | ||
| Hey, more holes to fuck, or is that syphilis talk? | ||
| No, no, no, not like that. | ||
| Not like full holes. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| Like holes in your skin, like where you could see your skull. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It was making me feel gross, and I wanted to change this. | ||
| Like, yes. | ||
| Is it really like that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know that that's where the whole powdered wig thing came from? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, it came from people that had syphilis. | ||
| Particularly two, I believe there was French gentlemen who were royalty that were young and they contracted syphilis and their hair fell out and they started wearing wigs. | ||
| Look at that guy's face. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Look on that one. | ||
| That's what happens to your face in syphilis. | ||
| Whose pussy did he eat? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He looks like a little kid too. | ||
| His lips are gone, his nose is gone. | ||
| How would that be? | ||
| It just rots your skin out and leaves holes in your head. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Horrendous. | ||
| A powder wig's not gonna fix that. | ||
| No, so what happened? | ||
| Look, you get holes in your skin and shit. | ||
| Look at that guy's head. | ||
| Oh, no, put a wig on. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that shit. | ||
| Get your wig. | ||
| I take it back. | ||
| Burning through his fucking head into his brain. | ||
| A nice comfortable wig on top of that. | ||
| That must feel fucking amazing. | ||
| These wealthy guys were like the shit. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Syphilis? | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All these men have it. | |
| I believe syphilis, too. | ||
| By the way, syphilis or gonorrhea, that came from the New World. | ||
| Did it? | ||
| You know how, like, their flu that killed all the fucking... | ||
| Well, they brought back, uh... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, either gonorrhea or syphilis. | ||
| So it came from Native Americans? | ||
| Montezuma's Revenge. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| I mean, I assume. | ||
| That's what killed Al Capone, too, right? | ||
| Didn't it? | ||
| They say that, but there's a new movie coming out with Bane in it. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Ed Hardy. | ||
| And he plays a syphilitic... | ||
| No, Tom Hardy. | ||
| Ed Hardy said the same shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you seen the Ed Hardy... | |
| Ed Hardy? | ||
| I love Tom Hardy. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Yeah, Tom Hardy's gonna play as syphilitic, but this movie seems to be about that he was faking it. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Who fucking knows? | ||
| When someone's dead for 50 years, you can make up shit about them. | ||
| Yeah, stuff gets... | ||
| It's like, who cares? | ||
| Start making up what happened. | ||
| It sounded like he had... | ||
| I mean, I could believe he probably had syphilis. | ||
| Of course he had syphilis. | ||
| He probably had everything. | ||
| And I don't think he was getting enough meth. | ||
| At least JFK and Hitler were getting their meth. | ||
| Yeah, cocaine injections and testosterone shots. | ||
| What is this, the trailer? | ||
| Yeah, it's Neil Brandon. | ||
| Neil Brandon! | ||
| Look at Neil Brandon! | ||
| Al Capone. | ||
| Based on true events. | ||
| But you could just say that based on true events. | ||
| You could kind of fucking do whatever you want. | ||
| Yeah, true. | ||
| Do you just mean events? | ||
| Yeah, just something happened. | ||
| That's what events are, things that happened. | ||
| There was a guy who lived in the house and everything else was made up. | ||
| Yeah, Al Capone was a guy. | ||
| So the big wig thing came from these guys who were rich guys who wore these powdered wigs. | ||
| That's what a big wig is. | ||
| Yeah, and then other people wanted to copy them. | ||
| And so it became fashion. | ||
| A lot of them had syphilis. | ||
| And the more expensive your wig would be, the bigger it would be. | ||
| So that's why those guys were called big wigs. | ||
| No, because you'd have a lot of hair in it. | ||
| You gotta really distract from the rest of the part down here. | ||
| You're falling apart. | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| Oh my god, dude. | ||
| And then they were still fucking. | ||
| Hoping their dick wouldn't rot off, but still fucking. | ||
| I think a lot of times the dick would rot off, wouldn't it? | ||
| That's what they looked like. | ||
| People just turned into cheese gradually back then? | ||
| Yeah, they just had holes in their face. | ||
| That guy has a hole in his face. | ||
| Aw, dude. | ||
| Look, the painter made him flattering, right? | ||
| That's the worst fucking part! | ||
| Yeah, look at that hole in his head. | ||
| That is a hole, right? | ||
| He's underselling. | ||
| Make the hole. | ||
| Idealize the hole in my face. | ||
| That's not a mole, right? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's huge. | |
| Pull it up. | ||
| Make it larger. | ||
| So this guy has a syphilitic hole. | ||
| Is that a word? | ||
| Yeah, syphilitic. | ||
| Hole in his face. | ||
| And other than that, it looks great. | ||
| With his rosy lips. | ||
| Looks like he's got some lipstick on. | ||
| Nice outfit. | ||
| That's how foundation and... | ||
| If you were a royalty back then, you probably fucked all the peasants. | ||
| Right? | ||
| No, you would fuck a cousin and then whoever attends to your cousin in the castle. | ||
| Well, you would breed with a cousin, but you'd probably fuck a bunch of people on the sneak tip too, right? | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| Yeah, you're a royal, and you've got a hole in your face, and you know how much time, right? | ||
| How much time do you think you've got left when you can see your teeth on the side? | ||
| Well, that's what Chairman Mao did. | ||
| He fucking stepped up his... | ||
| Stepped up his horn? | ||
| The guy told him he was sterile, and Chairman Mao took it to mean erectile dysfunction, but he just meant, no, I meant you can't have kids. | ||
| He goes, oh, I'm sterile, am I? And he just spread a whole bunch of... | ||
| And the girls were proud of it. | ||
| They would say, I caught the fucking... | ||
| I caught syphilis from Chairman Mao. | ||
| Yeah, because that's a fucking cult and a half. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now that to your mom's house shirt. | ||
| I got syphilis from Chairman now. | ||
| Have a hoe with like half her face hanging out. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It's crazy, the details. | ||
| Can you imagine that they were proud? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Like, I'm proud I lost my lips. | ||
| Listen, didn't the chick from Smallville get a brand of some guy from like a multi-level, not even a cult, like a multi-level marketing seminar? | ||
| She's like, oh yeah, no, brand my ass. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right, it was like that vitamin company. | ||
| That guy did that without any tigers. | ||
| He did that completely tiger-free. | ||
| How did that guy do that? | ||
| He got women to be his tigers. | ||
| They would go out and get other women. | ||
| I make them feel comfortable. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Was there acid involved? | ||
| Was there any kind of drugs involved? | ||
| No, just group manipulation. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Acid, that's why it's so stupid, those experiments, because I feel like somebody could have told you that. | ||
| That's just like a seasoning on top of something that's already there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's not a drug that puts a thing there that wasn't there. | ||
| It lets something out that was in there, you know? | ||
| I don't know if you're right. | ||
| I don't know if you're right about acid. | ||
| Religion gets to who you are. | ||
| If something you're devoted, it's something that gets to who you are. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| That's why people can't leave because that would be like I wouldn't exist anymore. | ||
| Because this is what I am. | ||
| I'm sure that's true without any acid and without drugs. | ||
| But I do think that they showed that you can do things to people if you get them daily acid and manipulate them. | ||
| I think it was a pretty sophisticated... | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure you can disorient people and fucking... | ||
| Well, they even thought they're pretty sure that they were able to get people to do things. | ||
| Like, get people to commit murder, get people to do things that would never do those things. | ||
| I mean, well, I'm sure that it doesn't help. | ||
| I just don't, like, Ted Kaczynski, like, I can see, that looks like something getting out of hand. | ||
| Like, our acid experiment created a thing we didn't anticipate. | ||
| Not that that was the end goal. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| Yeah, I think with Kaczynski, what happened was he just made sense, but he made sense in a way that people were like, yeah, but you don't blow up the guy who's making the circuit boards. | ||
| No, that's the issue. | ||
| It's just like, hey, I don't get why... | ||
| Okay, great, the trains run on time, but why would you have to kill 6 million Jews? | ||
| Like, how does one correlate to the next? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like, that's why I said it seems like it came from the future. | ||
| So, you're like, that's exactly what's going on right now. | ||
| And he knew ahead of time. | ||
| Well, you've got to think, you've got a brilliant guy, and then you dose him up with acid at Harvard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, right. | ||
| So he probably thinks, hey, I made it to Harvard. | ||
| He's all scrambled up, and he's still smart, but it's all, like, faulty. | ||
| What was it, A Brilliant Mind, that movie? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Yeah, Russell Crowe, remember? | ||
| Was it that brilliant for him to figure out to go hit on the ugly chick, so the hot chick... | ||
| He won a fucking Nobel Prize for that. | ||
| I don't think that was the point. | ||
| Hit on the 7 over the 10 was his big... | ||
| Remember when he went crazy? | ||
| In the movie, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think that if you just gave him acid, he probably would have gone crazy too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think there's a lot of people... | |
| Well, they say that acid does that if you have mental... | ||
| It can definitely get to a... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can shake that shit loose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So can pot. | ||
| Isn't that what the guy from the Beach Boys said happened? | ||
| Because he smoked so much pot? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The one that hung out with the Mansons? | ||
| Because one of the Beach Boys, Brian Wilson, he hung out with the Mansons. | ||
| He's in the book. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| He's a lot in that book. | ||
| But he had a guru who was his own personal NXIVM guy for a while. | ||
| And he said he smoked pot and wouldn't come out of his house. | ||
| I'm not surprised. | ||
| Yeah, he blamed marijuana. | ||
| But yeah, marijuana is not like a... | ||
| A panacea of medicine for all your problems. | ||
| Well, not only that, marijuana can fuck you up if you're not ready for it. | ||
| It can, especially now. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I like to find good mids again. | ||
| You don't want to get too deep sometimes. | ||
| I think in this podcast, there was many times where I don't know what we were talking about. | ||
| Yeah, because I smoked a fucking blunt. | ||
| By the way, it was to get at that tobacco in the leaf. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| You want it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, why don't I hit this bunny? | ||
| That delicious tobacco. | ||
| That sweet, sweet nicotine. | ||
| Soothing me and celebrating no COVID-19. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How worried about you are you? | ||
| How worried about all this are you? | ||
| Is it something you get anxiety over? | ||
| Are you really just relaxed? | ||
| I mean, I need those road dates to pay my rent, so that's worrying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I'm not worried like the end of the world. | ||
| I mean, I just don't even have that. | ||
| I wonder what's going to happen in terms of the restructuring of society when things bounce back. | ||
| It's going to be like China, dude. | ||
| It'll be just like China. | ||
| A bunch of people. | ||
| It'll look like Naruto. | ||
| Everybody's got a mask on like everybody's a ninja. | ||
| That's why I saw a bunch of people in masks. | ||
| It looked like Blade Runner, kind of. | ||
| It's just going to be like that. | ||
| I'm worried about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not going to be good for us. | |
| Well, I mean, hopefully it helps with this whole COVID virus. | ||
| I hope it does help. | ||
| I hope there's something better even. | ||
| I hope there's some sort of medication comes out of this. | ||
| Well, at a certain point, it'll be like... | ||
| Like a Tamiflu. | ||
| If it doesn't deliver on the amount of deaths that it's promised, then people, that's what people will be like, all right, come on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I think you're right. | ||
| Yeah, I just wonder. | ||
| I wonder how long that's going to take. | ||
| Like, seeing how Vegas wants to reopen, and then Anderson Cooper talking about that lady. | ||
| Do you see their ads where they're like, hey, listen, Vegas, don't even worry about Vegas. | ||
| Right now you just quarantined. | ||
| Vegas is still here. | ||
| They're still advertising. | ||
| Like, don't forget about Vegas. | ||
| I saw an ad like that for a car. | ||
| They just showed an empty road. | ||
| Don't even worry about driving. | ||
| Stay home. | ||
| Dodge. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| I despise ad people. | ||
| Like, whoever the Don Drapers are. | ||
| The same guy that made that Gillette ad? | ||
| No, it was a Czech. | ||
| It was an Australian, like... | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| There's a whole new, like, crop of, like, young-ish, you know, kind of, like, feminist drivel. | ||
| But it's, like, in ads. | ||
| It's, like, you know... | ||
| Woke ads? | ||
| Yeah, but that's how you know woke was going. | ||
| Because once it's commodified, like, hey, kids, you're woke, right? | ||
| We're a corporation. | ||
| Like, now that corporations had it, it's been dead for a fucking... | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's corporate-created punk rock. | ||
| Yeah, it's horrid. | ||
| That makes it gross. | ||
| Like, when it was some granola kid spouting, it was more hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember, like, everything you hear about colleges, like, ah, those kids. | ||
| But they all, a lot of them came out in the real world and... | ||
| What's interesting to me about the thing, almost as much as the kids themselves, is the intelligent adults who should know better that want those kids to push the radical ideas because they thought of those kids as almost like the soldiers on the far left. | ||
| Throw them onto the beaches of Normandy. | ||
| And they don't understand that they're the first ones to go. | ||
| The people that think like that, they have no idea they're more despised than anybody on the right. | ||
| They hate a fucking... | ||
| Jon Stewart-era liberal more than any? | ||
| I mean, they're calling them boomers. | ||
| Those are all Gen Xers. | ||
| They're not boomers, but that's how the disdain. | ||
| Yeah, and the ones that are really forcing compliance, they want to reshape the world. | ||
| They want to reshape the way people behave. | ||
| I know people personally that are like good friends that are like, their feeling is like, I just want it to be like Biden. | ||
| Because it'll just, then they're going to calm down. | ||
| Like, no, they're not going to calm down because they got a little taste of power. | ||
| Yeah, they're going to want full socialism. | ||
| It's kind of funny because a lot of them don't. | ||
| A lot of them are just like fucking silly upper middle class kind of twits that are pretending that they're fucking so, but they don't want the first thing about it. | ||
| Who's that guy that got the adpocalypse on fucking YouTube from Vox? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| Like, that guy, he's a rich kid. | ||
| It comes out, he's a rich kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's who does... | ||
| They're not really socialists. | ||
| They like the feeling. | ||
| They like the Che Guevara kind of t-shirt feeling they get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And then they also like the good life. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's why it's all silly kind of people. | ||
| The people I know that spout that shit, most of them have money. | ||
| I've never... | ||
| I can't think of anybody not doing... | ||
| Because they don't have real problems, so they think everyone's a bigot. | ||
| Imagine, I mean, imagine caring about fucking... | ||
| You see Joaquin Phoenix talking about dairy, like... | ||
| Can you just imagine bringing up milk or like charging on the stairs? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I really knew Bernie was unfit to be president when they took his mic twice. | ||
| Two elections. | ||
| Oh, the Black Lives Matter people? | ||
| First those girls took his mic, then two white girls. | ||
| You let few black girls do it, guess what? | ||
| Now white girls are going to do it. | ||
| Your president has to hold his mic. | ||
| Yeah, you can't let him take your mic. | ||
| Oh, maybe it was something really important. | ||
| To stop milk. | ||
| Bro, how shit is his security? | ||
| You think, I mean, holy shit. | ||
| How bad are they? | ||
| How bad is the security? | ||
| He should have had an all-female, you know, like a slick motherfucker, I have a female defense force to fucking crack him in there, to talk about milk, to run on, like, Bernie, stop the dairy. | ||
| He's from fucking Vermont. | ||
| He's not going to stop the dairy. | ||
| Are you fucking high? | ||
| The land of cheese hippies? | ||
| That's, the dairy's going to be fine. | ||
| Listen, up in Vermont, man, you need that cheese just to stay alive in the winter. | ||
| Just imagine giving a shit about milk like that. | ||
| Imagine thinking that you need to interrupt the president, a guy who you probably want to be president. | ||
| You've got to interrupt his campaign speech to get your ideas crossed. | ||
| I feel like you didn't get enough vitamin D milk as a kid to help you be balanced. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You've got to eat meat. | ||
| Because they're topless. | ||
| By the way, don't do your message topless because I don't care what the message is. | ||
| I'm just looking at your tits now. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It's not helping your... | ||
| Yeah, if that's your argument about Derry, you might really just want everybody to see your tits. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The older protester kept her shirt on. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She probably didn't even know the one was doing tits. | ||
| Oh, we're doing tits great. | ||
| She was probably in the moment. | ||
| I just was thinking last night, maybe, I pulled my tits out to really make a point. | ||
| She was like how Ari Shafir would do it if he was always have a reason to take your shirt off. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She Shafir'd it. | ||
| She Shafir'd it. | ||
| Dude, it's already 7 o'clock. | ||
| Oh shit, really? | ||
| Yeah, we flew by. | ||
| Well, we got very high. | ||
| We did get really high. | ||
| That was tremendous, that blunt, dude. | ||
| I know. | ||
| This is Speedweed. | ||
| Shout out to Gino. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| I hope they make a comeback. | ||
| Man, I miss that fucking... | ||
| That's why I was doing my podcast. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know... | ||
| We'll be, hopefully, be back in moving order soon. | ||
| When? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But hopefully, everybody out there, thank you for listening. | ||
| Yeah, thanks. | ||
| Thank you for watching. | ||
| Hope everybody's good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wait. | |
| Can I say my podcast? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And tell people your Twitter and all that jazz. | ||
| Yeah, I'm on Instagram, Kurt Metzger Comedy. | ||
| And my podcast is Can't Get Right on Gas Digital. | ||
| And I'm doing these things with Kyle Dunnigan. | ||
| If you can go on Kyle Dunnigan's Instagram, we're trying to make a sketch show out of it. | ||
| But he has a mailing list where you can get the info when we set up. | ||
| Is it on his Instagram mailing list or his website? | ||
| It's on his website. | ||
| Is that KyleDunigan.com? | ||
| Hold on, I'll tell you. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Link to my website. | ||
| He didn't say his website. | ||
| It's Kyle Dunn again. | ||
| Okay, he doesn't say it? | ||
| Just a link to my website? | ||
| If you go to Instagram, you know Kyle shit. | ||
| He makes you Google him. | ||
| But he really, when Bill Maher didn't know who he was, that really set off a chain reaction. | ||
| Did it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that bit's hilarious. | ||
| That video's hilarious. | ||
| Alright, that's it. | ||
| Alright, bye everybody. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Thank you. |
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