March 27, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:47:00
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Yeehaw! | |
| Here we are. | ||
| Are you a shooter? | ||
| Well, dude, my ears are covered for the second time today. | ||
| I'm just going to say that. | ||
| And I'm a... | ||
| Ask me that day and ask me if... | ||
| Are you a shooter? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I'm a tactical... | ||
| Are you an operator? | ||
| I'm a tactical shooter, bro. | ||
| I'm a tactical shooter. | ||
| So you ever done... | ||
| We went to Tarrant Tactical today and Brian Cowan learned the ins and outs. | ||
| Learned how to lean forward. | ||
| Had some Navy SEAL instruction as well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How to hold a pistol correctly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How'd you feel? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Fun, right? | ||
| I've been doing it in my head forever. | ||
| Oh, in your head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That doesn't really work, does it? | ||
| I've rehearsed killing a gang many times. | ||
| A whole gang? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Lean in. | ||
| Kick, kick, kick. | ||
| And I go like this. | ||
| Why don't you shoot them in the knee and rehabilitate them? | ||
| Oh, that's such a good idea. | ||
| Because they don't have knee targets. | ||
| If they had just a bunch of knees. | ||
| But they have little tiny targets on the ground. | ||
| Which I don't like. | ||
| Because I'm like, what am I shooting, babies? | ||
| I was going to say, they're the size of a toddler. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| I'm like, alright, so I've got to kill the toddler with one shot. | ||
| A kid with a missile. | ||
| Yeah, I was pretty accurate with that. | ||
| That's kind of sick. | ||
| But, yeah, that's a good idea. | ||
| I could either waste them or wing them. | ||
| I wing them. | ||
| And then take them in and teach them the error of their ways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And at the end, they'll be loyal to you. | ||
| I toss them an herbal remedy, an herbal... | ||
| Rap. | ||
| Like Steven Seagal had in that one movie where he was in a coma for like 10 years and then he was kicking everybody's ass a couple days later. | ||
| I don't care what everybody says, that shit was factual. | ||
| Do you remember that movie? | ||
| Very well. | ||
| It's called Above the Law. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You're way out of line. | ||
| No, Above the Law was the first movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This was deep into his career. | ||
| He's in a coma. | ||
| Kelly LeBrock is the nurse. | ||
| Yeah, he had already gotten fat by this time. | ||
| Oh, he had. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's where he ran terribly. | ||
| He always runs terribly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But in the early movies, he was skinny. | ||
| And above the law, he was skinny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then by the time he got to this other movie where he's in a coma forever, like, look at his fingers moving. | ||
| He's waking up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look. | |
| Awesome beard. | ||
| Actually, he wasn't too fat. | ||
| No. | ||
| Wasn't too fat. | ||
| He looks great there. | ||
| But he'd already, you know, started to fill in his hair. | ||
| And so then he was in a coma forever and then gets out of the coma. | ||
| Remember it very well. | ||
| And starts doing all sorts of Chinese herbs and shit to become a bad... | ||
| Oh, see, he was pretty skinny back then. | ||
| Yeah, he was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Loved it. | |
| So this was early in the career. | ||
| Yeah, he heals himself. | ||
| I would throw them an herbal wrap and tell them how to wrap it and then say, training begins tomorrow at dawn. | ||
| And then you wake them up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hey, man, fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| And I'd be on horseback for no reason. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| You and horses. | ||
| Because there's something very masculine. | ||
| How many bits do you have when you're on a horse? | ||
| It's my entire act. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's my entire act. | ||
| There are a couple things I want to do before I die. | ||
| One is to toss somebody an herbal wrap and say, training begins tomorrow, or be there tomorrow, and I want to rehabilitate at-risk youth. | ||
| But they're like 20. And then I want to rear up on a horse. | ||
| I want to rear up on a horse. | ||
| But I want to appear out of nowhere, rear up on a horse, and rescue a group of women in the wilderness. | ||
| A group of women in the wilderness? | ||
| What are they in the wilderness for? | ||
| They got lost. | ||
| Were they hikers? | ||
| They were... | ||
| Their plane went down. | ||
| Nobody got hurt, but it skidded along a glacial lake. | ||
| Their plane went down? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Skidded. | ||
| And they said, we can't find them. | ||
| It's impenetrable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so elaborate. | |
| It's impenetrable. | ||
| And then you go in... | ||
| And they go, fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fetch... | |
| Fetch the... | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Fetch the man panther. | ||
| The man panther? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's my nickname. | ||
| Do you know about this guy? | ||
| His name is Dick Pronicke. | ||
| And he was a guy who lived in Alaska by himself in a cabin that he built for decades. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he moved out there when he was 50 years old. | ||
| He got tired of life. | ||
| And just the way everything was, the fast pace of modern life. | ||
| So this guy decided, this guy, amazing videos on YouTube. | ||
| This guy built his own house out there in Alaska, fashioned it out of logs. | ||
| There's like a video of him doing the whole thing. | ||
| Filmed everything. | ||
| Filmed all of his interactions with animals. | ||
| Birds would come and land on his hand and he would feed them. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He was you. | ||
| He literally is you. | ||
| Stoic by himself and wrote. | ||
| You know me. | ||
| Stoic and real solitary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And, you know, real measured with his words. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's everything you want to be. | ||
| And he would sit and every night he would write. | ||
| And he would write about his experiences and the deep satisfaction that he got off of living that kind of a life. | ||
| There's some amazing videos. | ||
| Pull up one of the videos so you can watch how this guy's living his life out there. | ||
| But, you know, he would only see people like once or twice a year when they would drop off goods and things that he needed. | ||
| But this guy was, you know, he wasn't a spring chicken. | ||
| He moved out there when he was in his 50s. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when was this? | ||
| I want to say he had to move back with his brother, I want to say in the early 2000s, somewhere around then. | ||
| That looks like 16mm film. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, dude, he lived out there for decades, like I said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, by himself. | ||
| You've got to know your shit. | ||
| To be out there by yourself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Well, I think most of it he learned. | ||
| Once he got there and he talked about it, he talked about what the experience was like about just, you know, learning how fatiguing it is to hike. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Learning how fatiguing it is to gather up your own firewood. | ||
| And he made most of his own tools. | ||
| Like right there he's making a mallet himself. | ||
| He drills a hole in it with a hand auger. | ||
| And then he makes his own peg. | ||
| And he only brought in tools to make tools. | ||
| And the big tools like that he made all of himself. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude! | |
| And what did he live on? | ||
| Just deer meat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Elk meat, deer meat, berries. | ||
| He got some oatmeal and stuff. | ||
| You know, some dry goods that he would get in large barrels. | ||
| So he'd come in and touch base periodically. | ||
| They would come to him. | ||
| People would fly out to him with goods. | ||
| God. | ||
| But, I mean, he built all this shit by himself. | ||
| He built his whole cabin by himself. | ||
| And he documented every step of the way. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| His name is P-R-O-E-N-N-E-K-E. Dick Prenike, Alone in the Wilderness, is the whole series on YouTube. | ||
| And he's on the side of a lake with this cabin that he built, living off of... | ||
| Animals that he hunted and firewood and, you know, whatever food that he gathered. | ||
| I'm obsessed with this now. | ||
| This corona thing caught me with my pants down. | ||
| Here's what I want. | ||
| I want a substantial cabin made of thick logs or stone, and then I want it near a lake or a water source, preferably a well, that I can irrigate my own crops. | ||
| You're going to have crops? | ||
| I'm going to have chicken. | ||
| I need chickens. | ||
| You really only need a garden. | ||
| You don't need crops. | ||
| It's just you. | ||
| I need a garden. | ||
| Is it just you? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, it might be me and several of my lady friends because I'm going to start my own colony so I have to breed. | ||
| You understand? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I need a lot of hair and beard dye because I want to stay looking young. | ||
| What if they come up with something that reverses you in age? | ||
| Now you're talking my language. | ||
| How old would you like to go back to? | ||
| David Sinclair will actually have a cabin on the side. | ||
| He'd be right next to you doing experiments. | ||
| I'm gonna have his fucking lab and I'm gonna be his guinea pig. | ||
| Yeah, you'd be the guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| David, come out. | ||
| Come on out. | ||
| And I'll just do Tyson. | ||
| I'll entice him with all the girls. | ||
| Well, he's not into that. | ||
| He's a married man. | ||
| Leave him alone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| But he'd like to come out just to hang out and pal around for a few days. | ||
| He's a fun guy. | ||
| He seems like a good guy. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's brilliant. | ||
| And he's brilliant in the field. | ||
| That's very important. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| You're getting old. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| You want to be Dick Prenicke where you had to escape your wilderness paradise because you're too old? | ||
| There are a couple things. | ||
| One more thing I want to do is I want to split with my shirt off while I have women watch me through the window of my log cabin as they're baking me a pie. | ||
| Now, I know this is a chauvinistic fantasy. | ||
| It sounds like it. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| You sound like a real piece of shit right now. | ||
| The other thing I want to do before I die is I want to have a horse I'm so attached to that I can go... | ||
| And then it just shows up. | ||
| Sort of like Brad Pitt's Pitbull in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? | ||
| Correct. | ||
| I'd kill for one of those. | ||
| That Pitbull was perfect. | ||
| That was fucking great. | ||
| That thing just fucking... | ||
| It knew what to do, when to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't use... | ||
| The cops, I heard, don't use Mastiffs, even Rottweilers, because they do too much damage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They don't let go. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They don't like to let go. | ||
| Then you get a major lawsuit on your hand. | ||
| You can't have something bite your fucking hand off. | ||
| Well, I was watching a fucking video of a guy in San Diego who got arrested by these cops, and the cops couldn't get the German Shepherd off his arm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| The German Shepherds clamp down this guy's forearm, this guy's screaming, and they're pulling on the dog, and the dog's pulling on the meat of his arm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta choke the dog. | |
| You don't pull on the dog. | ||
| Bro, they weren't interested in choking the dog. | ||
| Apparently they thought this guy was a bad person, and they were letting this dog chew this guy's arm up, and you get permanent nerve damage. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's just devastating to the tissue in your forearm. | ||
| I've seen video of it where I said to the cop, he showed it to me, I said, why didn't that guy, who's this giant AWOL, he went AWOL, just giant, he used to be a special forces guy, and he just went crazy. | ||
| And they let that dog loose on, because they had two cops that he was fighting off, and they let this wolf, this fucking wolf loose, and grabbed the dude on the top of his arm. | ||
| He had huge arms, like Brennan Schaub, like big arms. | ||
| Grabbed The guy just, in the middle of his craze, he looked at the dog and then just went, he froze and went down. | ||
| And I said, why isn't he punching? | ||
| And he goes, because you shut down. | ||
| Because when he bit that arm, that arm went numb. | ||
| You can't use that arm. | ||
| That's a fucking wolf. | ||
| The pain. | ||
| The excruciating pain of a German Shepherd biting into your arm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Or a real wolf. | ||
| Well, now you've got a problem. | ||
| You can't train them. | ||
| Now you've got yourself a problem. | ||
| They're not interested in listening. | ||
| They're not interested in listening. | ||
| Good luck getting a wolf to attack. | ||
| I'll tell you who's not hearing a fucking peep out of a wolf, and I'm talking about a timber wolf. | ||
| Not a peep. | ||
| Who? | ||
| It's Mr. Mountain Lion. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| I wonder how that works, mountain lions versus a wolf. | ||
| I'll tell you exactly how. | ||
| Ready? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The wolf dies. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| There's a video of it, first of all. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Mountain lion versus a wolf. | ||
| Mountain lion's on his back, by the way. | ||
| Wolf tries to get over it, and mountain lion gets under the old jawline. | ||
| Oh, gets the neck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And by the way, God holds on with those... | ||
| Claws. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| They have claws. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it's more athletic. | ||
| It's 150 pound, 140 pound, 130 pound mountain lion. | ||
| Good luck with that. | ||
| And they fight solo, they don't need a bunch of pussies backing you up. | ||
| And they go low. | ||
| They go fucking low. | ||
| Like a lion. | ||
| And there's no sound. | ||
| There's a great video of a water buffalo charging a lion, a male lion, and the male lion literally waits until the water buffalo is closed in the distance and then ducks under and grabs ahold of it by the neck and just hangs on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Actually, it might not have been a water buffalo. | ||
| It might have been something else. | ||
| It was a cow. | ||
| Some other rugged animal. | ||
| It was a rugged animal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget which animal it was, but the animal makes a rush at the lion like, hey, fuck you. | ||
| And the lion's like, no, fuck you. | ||
| One of the problems when you have a game reserve is that if you have a Prada Lions, you are going to pay so much money keeping that reserve stocked because a Prada Lions goes through crazy amounts of meat every single day, every other day. | ||
| So they will decimate. | ||
| They'll go through a whole herd of buffalo. | ||
| Well, that was an issue after the dentist shot that line with a name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember that line with a name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cecil. | |
| Cecil. | ||
| And then, do you know that they were worried that Cecil's brother Jericho was killed? | ||
| But no worries. | ||
| It was a line that didn't have a name, so... | ||
| So close. | ||
| Literally, I read an article that we're being serious about that. | ||
| They're being serious. | ||
| There was a real concern that Cecil's brother Jericho had also been killed, but turned out not to be true. | ||
| It drives me nuts. | ||
| It's the real Lion King. | ||
| Anyway, when they killed that lion, when that dentist killed that lion, well, they then after that had this thing, this international outcry where nobody wanted to go there and hunt lions because they didn't want to be the next guy that gets targeted like that dentist. | ||
| So because of that, they had to slaughter a large number of lions. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| People don't have any idea what it is to sustain. | ||
| The number was crazy. | ||
| It was something like, I don't remember if it was 50 or 500. Yeah. | ||
| But it was like they had to kill them, and instead of getting $50,000 per lion, like they're accustomed to getting when people, because they have all these lions, the lions had decimated the undulate population. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Because no one was killing the lions anymore. | ||
| It's like elephants. | ||
| So now, with elephants, you can't move one member of the herd or two members. | ||
| Elephants have to be moved as a herd, otherwise they go nuts, right? | ||
| So the females rule the roost, but you can't just take three elephants from that herd and then move them over to the game. | ||
| You've got to take them all, otherwise they really get fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, they love each other. | ||
| They love each other. | ||
| But then also when you call elephants, which you have to do in Kruger National Park and things like that. | ||
| Why do they have to? | ||
| Because they get too destructive. | ||
| They just get too many of them and they just lay waste to the vegetation. | ||
| It just becomes an imbalance. | ||
| So the problem is that they were like, you can't shoot them from helicopters anymore or jeeps or whatever. | ||
| And they would kill the whole herd because you can't just kill a couple. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because they go nuts. | ||
| And then they can't do anything with the ivory because the ivory trade's illegal. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| So then they store that. | ||
| So then you jack up the price of ivory, which they do the same thing with rhino horn. | ||
| But so what now they try to do is they try to sterilize the females, right? | ||
| They'll try to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, great. | |
| Good luck with that. | ||
| That's a lot of fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's really difficult to do as well. | ||
| You know, they were trying to do that in the Hamptons. | ||
| They were trying to do that with deer. | ||
| They were trying to give the female deer birth control. | ||
| Just let the men fucking shoot dead loads into them. | ||
| Yeah, go ahead and shoot the deer. | ||
| I'll eat them. | ||
| Well, that's what they should do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, but they didn't. | ||
| They decided for whatever goofy reason that what they were going to do is try to give them birth control. | ||
| And they were going to spend countless amounts of dollars to get birth control into deer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| What are you gonna do? | ||
| Do you know how many there are? | ||
| Apparently they're infested out there. | ||
| After watching Tiger King, what is your take on keeping tigers as pets? | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| First of all, I only watched one half of one episode. | ||
| I had a pause. | ||
| Jamie and I were getting NAD IV drips, which is pretty fucking amazing. | ||
| What is NAD? That's the stuff that David Sinclair was talking about. | ||
| Well, let's get old Bri on the NAD train. | ||
| Old Bri might be a little cheap. | ||
| It's expensive. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, it costs a pretty penny. | ||
| I want to live forever. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We'll talk afterwards. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've done two, and I feel pretty good. | ||
| You feel any different, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I can probably say I feel pretty good, especially just sitting around inside. | ||
| Yeah, but it feels like the second one really took it over the top. | ||
| What does it do? | ||
| I have more energy. | ||
| I feel like really vibrant. | ||
| I feel great. | ||
| But it's hard to tell. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm sleeping eight hours a day. | ||
| I'm staying at home with my family. | ||
| I'm not traveling on the road. | ||
| You know, I mean, it's like, how am I sure this is it? | ||
| But apparently, scientifically, it's provable. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Lengthens your telomeres. | ||
| It actually decreases your biological age. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's been proven, David Sinclair said that NAD, HGH, and there was one other, DHEA, those three things in combination have been shown to reverse your biological age. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| So I'm like, look, while this shit's going down, I want to keep my immune system at fucking tip-top magoo, as Joey Diaz would say. | ||
| Tip-top magoo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One of the greatest Joey Diaz expressions ever. | |
| But it's just one of those things where there's a few different scientific advances that they can absolutely show that will decrease your biological age and show that there's an increase in your vitality, your ability to recover, all these different things. | ||
| So I'm getting in on all that. | ||
| Well, in the Tiger King, back to that, you know, he had 227 tigers as pets. | ||
| Seems like a good number. | ||
| They live in a fucking cage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he had chimps. | ||
| Chimps should never be kept in a cage. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what anybody says. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there's certain things I just don't think should be... | ||
| If it's a professional zoo like San Diego and they have habitat... | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Even then it's disturbing. | ||
| But at least kids get to see them and it educates, you know, the general population. | ||
| But when you've got 10,000 tigers as pets... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| Do you remember my bit from Triggered from 2016? | ||
| I loved your original Tiger bit. | ||
| Oh, I've said so many Tiger bits. | ||
| One of the greatest bits ever. | ||
| You can make the argument for two Tigers fucking was one of the greatest bits ever. | ||
| You should do it You should do that fucking bit. | ||
| I don't think that bit is on anything. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You should do that bit. | ||
| You should revive that bit. | ||
| And you should tape it and you should put it out there. | ||
| Let me say it again. | ||
| I know comedy is doing this a long time. | ||
| It is... | ||
| Top three bits of all time. | ||
| That's very nice of you. | ||
| But it is! | ||
| I think it might be on an audio recording. | ||
| God, it was the first time I saw that we were at the comedy store. | ||
| Oh, it's on I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday. | ||
| That bit gets destroyed in the audio version. | ||
| You gotta see the fucking visual. | ||
| You have to see the visual. | ||
| Dude, when you're making the noises... | ||
| That was the first bit that I ever did where I realized, like, you have to kind of become the thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you got to become the thing. | ||
| Like, I would make noises, like, try to be me still, but then I realized, like, oh, I just got to become like a tiger fucking. | ||
| That's what I love about certain bits. | ||
| Like, for me, I do this thing about having an abusive father who was a piano teacher. | ||
| Don't ask. | ||
| And I talk about his mustache. | ||
| The bristles were so thick, they belonged on the back of a boar, not under a man's nose. | ||
| And I go into this whole character, and I love to lose myself into that character. | ||
| When I do that English supervillain, it's so fun to get lost in that character. | ||
| Because you can think like that person. | ||
| That must be the appeal of a guy like a Daniel Day-Lewis. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Someone who can really encapsulate. | ||
| They do something where they become that. | ||
| They become that. | ||
| And some people never do that. | ||
| They're just always acting. | ||
| Like, oh, here's that guy acting in a movie. | ||
| I know who he is. | ||
| There he's acting. | ||
| And then some people just become. | ||
| Jeffrey Tambor, who's won a bunch of Emmys for Transparency, he said that for him it was about shoes. | ||
| He'd have to figure out what kind of shoes. | ||
| He'd have to feel it first in his feet, which makes sense. | ||
| When you wear sneakers or you wear leather-soled shoes, you feel different. | ||
| You're not as secure in leather-soled shoes. | ||
| You automatically become more formal when your toes are pushed together, when you're constrained like that. | ||
| It's a weird thing to think, but it does change you. | ||
| Yeah, you can't even move good in other sold shoes. | ||
| They're slippery. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| So if you see people... | ||
| I can tell a lot about somebody by their footwear. | ||
| If they're wearing sandals, typically I can tell you what their political vent is. | ||
| Those are dad sneakers. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Game over. | ||
| And I do what I want in Joe Rogan shoes. | ||
| You don't know Chuck's shit. | ||
| No, I like them. | ||
| These are trail runners. | ||
| I know what they are. | ||
| What are they? | ||
| They're trail runners. | ||
| These are Solomons. | ||
| They're excellent shoes. | ||
| Speed cross. | ||
| I know all about them because I almost bought them for... | ||
| You run hills with these. | ||
| See that? | ||
| When we were going to go hunting with Rinella, I know all about those shoes. | ||
| Is your traction? | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| It says tread. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if you're going to go up like... | ||
| Slippery terrain. | ||
| This gives you grip. | ||
| I run trails, bro. | ||
| But also you're like, I don't care, and I'll just wear those. | ||
| There's a little bit of that. | ||
| Also, there's no shoelaces. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| So I go like this. | ||
| I cinch them tight. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And then I put it in here. | ||
| Very easy. | ||
| I tuck it in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yay! | |
| And you can go to the airport real easy with these on, too. | ||
| You know who's never getting caught with those? | ||
| You know who's never getting caught with those? | ||
| Brian Carroll? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Brennan Schaub. | ||
| No, no chance. | ||
| I showed him to him once and he almost threw up. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I wear these all the time. | ||
| He can't handle it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I wear these. | ||
| I wear chucks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if I'm doing anything in dirt, they're like a middle ground between wearing a boot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| I wear them hunting sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I looked at those for hunting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of guys in elk hunting in particular, because you're so mobile, you're constantly chasing these massive herds and you're moving around and going through... | ||
| You have to come elk hunting with me. | ||
| You've never been elk hunting. | ||
| I need the meat. | ||
| That's disturbing to me. | ||
| Well, I have plenty of meat for you. | ||
| I have the meat for you. | ||
| Listen, you've seen me shoot. | ||
| You've seen me how I lean into my targets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just a couple hours ago. | |
| You seem like you were born for it. | ||
| Not only that, I go, get down! | ||
| Notice how I said that? | ||
| Oh, you didn't hear that? | ||
| I had earplugs in, though. | ||
| Oh, I was on radio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get down. | |
| Also, you say things in a way that only people around you can hear. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You have the right amount of projection so the enemy never hears you. | ||
| I speak cryptically. | ||
| Andy Stumpf, I did his podcast and he had me, he wanted to see what kind of a tactical asshole I am. | ||
| And he had me watch, you know, film. | ||
| Oh, wearing a shirt. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Cleared Hot. | ||
| He was on last week. | ||
| Great podcast. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| The best. | ||
| The best. | ||
| And he had me look at different movie scenes and break down what was wrong. | ||
| I was wrong all... | ||
| I was completely wrong about everything. | ||
| I thought that when you shot a gun with a suppressor, it was like... | ||
| No, it's pretty loud. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pretty loud. | |
| You've never shot a gun with a suppressor? | ||
| I have, actually, in Utah. | ||
| It's loud. | ||
| I was wearing earphones, so I couldn't... | ||
| But it's nothing like a rifle. | ||
| No. | ||
| When we were hunting in Prince of Wales, I had that gun with a muzzle brake. | ||
| So loud. | ||
| Yeah, it's a 7mm Remington Ultramag. | ||
| It's a very loud gun. | ||
| Dude, that's so loud outside it can hurt you. | ||
| They say if you... | ||
| They say if you're too close to that, you can damage your ears permanently. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One of my friends, there was a guy who shot near him, shot too close to his ear. | ||
| He's a guide. | ||
| And this guy apparently went to swing. | ||
| The animal was close by. | ||
| He's here. | ||
| The animal's close by. | ||
| Something happened where he shot really close to his head and blew his ears out. | ||
| Now he only has hearing aids. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| He has to wear hearing aids. | ||
| Because that rifle, the trigger is so sensitive. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| Yeah, the idea is they don't want you to pull in hard. | ||
| But different people have different theories on that. | ||
| It's the same with archery. | ||
| With archery, some people like a very sensitive trigger, and some people like a trigger that's very hard to pull so that you can't just jerk on it. | ||
| Because you have to pull, pull, pull, pull, bang, and then it goes off. | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| When you shoot archery, it's very interesting, but you would think, like say if you have like a wrist strap with a trigger on it, you would think that when you draw back you go like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you would use your finger to hit the trigger, but you actually don't. | ||
| Some people do. | ||
| Some people actually can do and shoot. | ||
| Cam Haynes does it that way. | ||
| Shoots very well that way, but Cam Haynes is a psychopath. | ||
| He's a different human being. | ||
| Most people, there's something about that thing that starts a flinch, an anticipation flinch. | ||
| It doesn't with him, but some people, they get a thing called target panic. | ||
| So to get away from target panic, what they do is, instead of pulling the trigger, you wrap your finger around the trigger, and the trigger's stiff. | ||
| And then you use your back muscles. | ||
| So then you aim and you go like this. | ||
| You just pull with your back muscles and it goes off without you even moving your finger. | ||
| So once I would hook my finger on it, my finger's in place and then I'm just pulling and pop! | ||
| It goes off. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it a crossbow? | ||
| Does it have more range? | ||
| A crossbow is basically a shitty gun. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Just get a gun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're not an archer. | ||
| No. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You got a shitty gun. | ||
| It's a shitty gun. | ||
| You think you're in Walking Dead? | ||
| Are you that guy with the motorcycle? | ||
| Personally, yes. | ||
| Listen, that whole Walking Dead thing is so fraught with peril. | ||
| First of all, how come there's no pass-throughs? | ||
| You're shooting into these mushy zombie heads. | ||
| It goes right in there. | ||
| Why doesn't it blow out the other side? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It would, wouldn't it? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| It would blow through an elk. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| Those things are going fucking 500 feet a second. | ||
| Which is why I told Andy Stumpf the Special Forces should have a crossbow division. | ||
| They should. | ||
| Not. | ||
| They should not. | ||
| But also, he doesn't even have real tips. | ||
| Those crossbows, they're using field tips. | ||
| It's basically a pencil point. | ||
| It's like poking you and making a hole in you. | ||
| It's not going to kill you. | ||
| Oh, what do you mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The crossbow? | |
| The crossbow's not going to kill you with those tips on it. | ||
| It's a little hole. | ||
| It'll make a little pencil hole that'll go through you. | ||
| And your body would seal up the wound. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| So you could shoot me with a crossbow with one of those arrows? | ||
| You'd be fucked up, but you would live. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Unless it was in my heart. | ||
| Yeah, that would probably kill you. | ||
| But like one of your lungs, you'd probably live. | ||
| But if you shot someone with a crossbow that had a real broadhead on it, the broadhead would slice you wide open like a samurai sword right through your whole body. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it's like. | ||
| So easy to kill. | ||
| Why are human beings so easy to kill? | ||
| Well, because we're smart. | ||
| We have nuclear weapons. | ||
| True. | ||
| That's how nature balances it out, right? | ||
| Turtles are stupid as fuck. | ||
| That's why they have that awesome cage over their whole body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| It's true. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Look, there's a balance to things. | ||
| And we respect that balance. | ||
| And we also, we want that balance to exist in everything. | ||
| That's why if we see a hot girl, we want her to be stupid. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| People get caught with their pants down when you think a hot girl is stupid and she turns out to be very intelligent. | ||
| Perhaps more intelligent than you. | ||
| Well, speaking of that, when I saw that we met the director of John Wick today. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he's a handsome, athletic-looking fella. | ||
| He's a good-looking guy. | ||
| He doesn't look like a director. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He used to be a stuntman. | ||
| He was a kickboxer and a Muay Thai guy. | ||
| But he used to be Keanu Reeves' stunt double, I guess. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I looked at him and I was like, well, this dude looks like a stud. | ||
| He's kind of like a silvery... | ||
| Fox. | ||
| He's getting older. | ||
| He's like our age. | ||
| But I thought to myself, the guy looks like a real athlete. | ||
| He must be a... | ||
| He's definitely fit. | ||
| Meanwhile, a fucking... | ||
| A big director. | ||
| Yeah, and he comes there and shoots all the time. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| He said twice a week. | ||
| Dude, it's such a great thing to have. | ||
| And it's also really fun. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You're shooting metal targets and everything like that. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| But it's fun. | ||
| It's the same thing with archery. | ||
| It's the same thing with a lot of stuff that you have to focus on. | ||
| You focus and then you execute. | ||
| And if you do it properly, there's sort of the meditative aspect to it, which sounds crazy to say that shooting guns with earplugs on it is very meditative. | ||
| It's very. | ||
| Yeah, there is. | ||
| Because it's like anything else. | ||
| I like getting comfortable and familiar with things that scare me. | ||
| I like getting comfortable and familiar with violence. | ||
| I actually do. | ||
| What I mean? | ||
| Yeah, because whether it's hunting, whether it's boxing, whether it's jiu-jitsu, I like working at those things and putting myself in uncomfortable positions. | ||
| Because when you go to a shooting range, like it's your first time with me with that kind of tactical thing, it's always going to be a little uncomfortable because you're the new guy. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck you're doing. | ||
| You don't know how to unload a magazine. | ||
| It's just going to be mechanical and there's going to be a process. | ||
| But there's something about being in this strange location with those loud noise that you can become very familiar with and pretty soon you get good at that shit. | ||
| And now you're actually, you don't look like a complete idiot. | ||
| At least you can kind of like start to, you know, be familiar with that language. | ||
| I think that's, personally for me, I think that shit's important. | ||
| Well, it's important to—it'll definitely make you less scared. | ||
| One of the weirdest things is watching an altercation break out and then watching men get scared, like men who don't know how to defend themselves or men that are not used to being around violence getting scared. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's going to happen. | ||
| It's exactly like getting punched in the face. | ||
| If you're not boxing and getting hit, I promise you, I don't care who you are, when you get hit, you just get jabbed, what you're going to do is you're going to look down and you're going to bring your hands to your face. | ||
| That's what you're going to do. | ||
| You're going to go, oh shit, boom! | ||
| Or you're going to do this. | ||
| Or that. | ||
| And then you're, yeah. | ||
| And it's not until you really practice whatever it is that you can see and kind of, you know, I'm not saying I'm there, but you're at least less likely to put yourself in a position of danger. | ||
| It's exactly like with jujitsu, right? | ||
| When you grab somebody, what do they do? | ||
| I've grabbed boxers who've never had any wrestling. | ||
| Great boxers. | ||
| They turn. | ||
| They turn their back. | ||
| I was showing my friend how he's a great boxer, but I was showing him how vulnerable he is. | ||
| Even an idiot like me grabs him. | ||
| Grabbed him, took him to the ground, and I put a body locker on his body. | ||
| And what did he do? | ||
| He reached down for my ankles. | ||
| So I went, oh, here you go. | ||
| And I just went, you see what happens? | ||
| Anybody would do that. | ||
| Well, I think it's good just to learn because it's difficult and because it tests you emotionally and physically. | ||
| And even the shooting stuff does, especially because we're around these guys who are, you know, Taren's a real world-class competitive shooter. | ||
| And he's showing us his stuff and then we go to do it. | ||
| It looks so awkward and goofy. | ||
| Like when you put yourself in a situation where you suck at something, it's really good for you. | ||
| It's good to suck at things and try to get better at them. | ||
| Anything, whatever it is, whether it's learning how to play chess, whether it's Whatever it is, learning how to do something, learning how to play tennis, whatever the fuck it is, when you learn how to do something and you suck at it at first and you have to concentrate on getting better, that thing of getting better translates to other aspects of your life. | ||
| And it's a skill. | ||
| Getting better at stuff is a skill. | ||
| It doesn't mean that because you're good at archery, you'll be good at learning how to play the piano. | ||
| But if you can get good at learning how to play the piano, you can get good at archery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Because there's a thing in there of learning how to learn. | ||
| Well, so learning how to learn a lot of times is as simple as once you learn how to do one thing well. | ||
| That's why one thing informs the other. | ||
| I think what happens is if you're in a new situation like we were today, you get better. | ||
| At least I'm better at getting out of my own way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get better at not overthinking. | ||
| You get better at relaxing. | ||
| It's the same. | ||
| A lot of times, it's the same body position. | ||
| It's the same weight distribution. | ||
| Sometimes it's very similar. | ||
| A lot of these things, they're similar language, but mainly they're also a similar mindset. | ||
| You just put yourself in that softer beginner's mind, that idea of just open up. | ||
| Open your mind and just let it come to you. | ||
| Well, it's also accepting that you don't know things. | ||
| A lot of men, in particular, are really bad at learning stuff because they want to think that they know already. | ||
| So even when you tell them stuff, they want to think, no, yeah, I got it, I got it. | ||
| Problem solvers. | ||
| Well, because men are natural problem solvers. | ||
| I have a joke about that where I say, I don't know anything about cars. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| But if there's a woman on the side of the road with her hood up looking at her engine, I'll make suggestions. | ||
| And I've done that. | ||
| I'll be like, well, check the... | ||
| Spark plug! | ||
| Well today, with engines, good luck. | ||
| No one knows what's going on in there. | ||
| You ever see what it looks like when they open up a brand new 992 of 2020 Porsche? | ||
| No. | ||
| Pull up, opening up the hood on a 2020 Porsche. | ||
| It's the most ridiculous thing ever. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You have no idea what anything is. | ||
| God. | ||
| Even someone like you who knows a lot about cars. | ||
| I have no idea what's in there. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Technology. | ||
| You can't even see anything. | ||
| You get this much of a view. | ||
| What? | ||
| To the end in. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The view into when you open up the back, because it's a rear-engine car, a Porsche was probably one of the most sophisticated, technologically advanced cars ever built, right? | ||
| Because they've been refining the design since the 1960s. | ||
| Pop up the rear trunk and look inside at the engine. | ||
| Or it's not trunk, it's the hood, whatever. | ||
| Look inside at the engine. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck that is. | ||
| It's two fans. | ||
| You see two fans. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| That's what you see. | ||
| You see two fans. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, what's going on there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I better take it to a place with computers. | ||
| Well, you need software, right? | ||
| You need software to tune it up and all that shit? | ||
| Yeah, you have no idea. | ||
| Literally, they have to plug a machine into it which analyzes the system. | ||
| And then the machine's going, hey, this is fucked, and that's fucked, and this is falling apart. | ||
| When are they going to do that with? | ||
| People. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Soon. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You have inside info. | ||
| Well, here's the problem. | ||
| Once the first guy gets his legs cut off and gets awesome new legs put on, then we're going to have a real problem. | ||
| Fuck, because people are going to take their legs off. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Better legs. | ||
| Better legs. | ||
| I can't wait till I get the call when you're 80. I'm getting new legs, dude. | ||
| What? | ||
| Getting them cut off. | ||
| And you know me. | ||
| I'll be like, I don't know, Joe. | ||
| The science is new and you go, fuck off. | ||
| Like a turkey leg. | ||
| Pop. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Just pull them off and put some new ones on there. | ||
| Well, I mean, we were talking about this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you see any photos of it? | |
| I found a video and nothing was new at all. | ||
| They were really old. | ||
| It's a 992 Porsche. | ||
| 992 is the 2020 model. | ||
| 992 Porsche under the hood. | ||
| I wouldn't mind buying a Porsche. | ||
| You should. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Please. | ||
| I've been begging you for years. | ||
| I deserve to buy a real car. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, I have a Tesla. | ||
| That's a real car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a great car. | ||
| That's new for you to say. | ||
| I love that car. | ||
| Do you still drive your... | ||
| Love it. | ||
| It's right here. | ||
| I drive it all its own. | ||
| Great car. | ||
| It's the fastest thing I've ever driven, by far. | ||
| I have a bunch of sports cars that make a lot of noises, but they're like guys who put fucking headbands on and weightlifting belts, and then some girl who's a CrossFitter goes right next to you and deadlifts twice the weight. | ||
| That's what the Tesla is. | ||
| It's soft and subtle and twice as fast as anything. | ||
| I love your, whatever that is, Land Cruiser? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's the greatest car I've ever seen. | ||
| Does it drive really well? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No problems? | ||
| It's got a supercharged Corvette engine in it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Okay, that's a side section of the car, though. | ||
| I have no idea what the fuck that is. | ||
| Yeah, see, that's different because that's actually, they cut the car in half so that you can look into it. | ||
| I think that's actually even an artist's rendering. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It's okay, Jamie. | ||
| We're never going to find it. | ||
| Oh, far left. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Red. | ||
| Red. | ||
| The red. | ||
| Far left. | ||
| Left. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's the view. | ||
| Go large with that. | ||
| What? | ||
| If you open up the trunk, that's what you see. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yup. | ||
| That's the whole thing you see. | ||
| Under the hood, that's what you see. | ||
| What happened there? | ||
| So forget it. | ||
| So forget it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's what you say. | ||
| Your wrenches are no good here. | ||
| So imagine a girl pulls over. | ||
| I don't know what to do. | ||
| And she's wearing cut-off jean shorts and a banging booty. | ||
| Big old squat booty. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she's looking over and you're like, I've got to help her. | ||
| Let me help you. | ||
| And I go like this, I go, what seems to be the trouble? | ||
| You're a captain, never distracted. | ||
| Is that what you said? | ||
| My nickname is Brad Pitt. | ||
| So if you pull over and look at that, you don't know. | ||
| Not a fucking human being has any idea what's going on. | ||
| I'd say, nah. | ||
| I've got the software back in my place. | ||
| You should get one of those, though. | ||
| You should get one of those. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Get yourself a nice Carrera S. Oh my God, it's a marvelous car. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh yeah, super calm and quiet. | ||
| They go over bumps like nothing, but yet when you hit the accelerator, they have such a supple suspension that the suspension can adjust to matter what you're driving over, especially when you're in comfort mode. | ||
| Expensive. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| It's a fucking Porsche! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Yes! | ||
| What kind of question is that? | ||
| At least a hundred grand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah, at least a hundred grand. | ||
| But you need one. | ||
| I do, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You do. | |
| You're a bad influence on me, man. | ||
| No, I'm a good influence. | ||
| We've been doing this forever. | ||
| We have been doing it forever. | ||
| Now imagine, if you just listened to me. | ||
| All those times ago, you'd still be fine, but you would have had this history of having amazing cars. | ||
| Instead, you had a fucking red Prius forever. | ||
| It's the red Ram. | ||
| Call it the red Ram. | ||
| One thing you did have though, I remember that Bronco that you had. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| That was pretty dope. | ||
| Was it a 70 Bronco? | ||
| Yeah, it gave me nothing. | ||
| A 71 Bronco with a 350 Windsor or something like that. | ||
| It caused me nothing but problems. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because it's a piece of shit. | ||
| If you got a really good one, it would be awesome. | ||
| I love the car. | ||
| It was a cool-looking car. | ||
| I remember when you came to my house today, I was like, I love you. | ||
| You're finally getting it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm like, finally, you're getting it. | ||
| Every time I try to be different, though, it just never, you know. | ||
| You've just never driven a Porsche. | ||
| If you drove, and see, you don't want one like Schaub's. | ||
| Schaub's got a GT2 RS. He's such an extremist. | ||
| It's too loud. | ||
| It hits bumps too loud. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's his number one car. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Who drives that car as their number one car? | ||
| Psychos. | ||
| He's out of his mind. | ||
| He's a psycho. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But it fits him. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's perfect for him. | ||
| It's flashy. | ||
| It's blue and black. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| The best. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| You don't want that color. | ||
| That's a gross color. | ||
| I like that color. | ||
| That color's disgusting. | ||
| That's that Doug DeMuro guy. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| It's a nice car, though. | ||
| That guy's a great analyst of automobiles. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Black. | ||
| Listen, this car is a marvelous car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, but you know, I need something for the next pandemic. | ||
| I want to get an Airstream. | ||
| You want a Land Cruiser like mine. | ||
| Yeah, but I need something I can kind of live in, too. | ||
| I'm going to get an Airstream. | ||
| Live in. | ||
| You want something you can get away from everybody, too. | ||
| You can't get away in an Airstream. | ||
| You've got to leave that thing there, and then it becomes a liability. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You want something you can overland in, son. | ||
| Overland? | ||
| Overland in. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| It's a whole thing they do, just overlanders. | ||
| My Land Cruiser that was built by Icon, the rear seat comes out. | ||
| So the rear seat has these, they made it for me. | ||
| So you just pull these levers, click, click, pull the rear seat out. | ||
| You could sleep in that motherfucker if you had to. | ||
| Expensive. | ||
| Costs money. | ||
| Things cost money. | ||
| You want to hire artisans and craftsmen and geniuses to design things and build things for you? | ||
| It costs money. | ||
| You want to get paid too, right? | ||
| Don't you want to get paid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| Yeah, they do as well. | ||
| You got to pay them. | ||
| Maybe a regular Land Cruiser. | ||
| Regular Land Cruisers are great. | ||
| I'm cheap when it comes to cars. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| That's a real Overland vehicle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| That looks like a Dodge Ram or a Ford F-150 or something, but I can't tell. | ||
| What's that thing that's dragging behind it? | ||
| Well, that's where all your shit is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You sleep in that. | ||
| And then they have these rooftop tents. | ||
| That's one Lowe's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Yeah, you climb in the rooftop tent. | ||
| Let me see the one, but I want to see that one. | ||
| I need protection when I'm sleeping. | ||
| No, you want the one to the left of your cursor, that gray-looking thing, right to the left. | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| You just had it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It looks so manly. | ||
| Oh, that's fucking cool. | ||
| It looks like a Ford F-350. | ||
| That's what I need. | ||
| Now, the problem is it's taking up a lot of gas. | ||
| It's diesel. | ||
| That thing probably drives pretty... | ||
| It probably is a huge tank. | ||
| What are those three things? | ||
| Is that three gas tanks? | ||
| It might be. | ||
| It might have three gas tanks. | ||
| I'm a fan. | ||
| Yeah, look at that thing. | ||
| I'm a fan. | ||
| I carry extra gas. | ||
| Well, we have to think differently now, right? | ||
| I agree. | ||
| Press that button. | ||
| Let's see what this thing... | ||
| Look at it driving over fucking mountains and shit. | ||
| Look at it, so manly! | ||
| Yeah, I got my weaponry. | ||
| You can keep water in there. | ||
| You can fucking cook food in that fucking thing. | ||
| I got my weaponry. | ||
| I got my hunting rifles. | ||
| I got everything. | ||
| He's got... | ||
| Oh my god, he's bouncing over rocks with that thing. | ||
| He's got rock sliders on that pig. | ||
| That's a pig of a truck. | ||
| Just be in the back while you're doing that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Imagine trying to sleep. | ||
| That's good though. | ||
| Why are you driving over the mountain? | ||
| I like that a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| But you could, like a van. | ||
| There's a company called, look up this company, Ujoint Off-Road. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's what it's called. | ||
| Ujoint Off-Road. | ||
| And what they do is they take a van, like a regular van, and they turn it, he has an Instagram page, it's pretty cool. | ||
| They take a regular van, like a cargo van. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And turn it into, like, the ultimate 4x4 vehicle. | ||
| They take out all the bullshit, take out all the axles and the engines, redo everything, and put, like, super beefy off-road suspension, off-road, like, live rear and front axles. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Bam, motherfucker! | ||
| Drive to the moon in that bitch. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So that's something that normally would be, like, something that Amazon delivers your toothpaste in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh, uh-huh. | |
| It's big enough to sleep in. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They did one with a school bus. | ||
| They redid a school bus. | ||
| You gotta have water. | ||
| There's a lot of shit. | ||
| I've been obsessing now. | ||
| My friend Sam Soholt, he's a photographer and he does a lot of outdoor filming and stuff. | ||
| I've known him for years. | ||
| He did a school bus. | ||
| He purchased a school bus. | ||
| Go to Sam Sohalt's Instagram page. | ||
| He probably has a blog about the school bus because, I mean, it's an extensive build. | ||
| He did it for years. | ||
| And he took this school bus, a regular school bus, turned it into this ultimate outdoor travel vehicle that can sleep like 10 people. | ||
| So he has cots in it. | ||
| Oh, it's amazing! | ||
| It's a labor of love. | ||
| You and I spoke about getting some land. | ||
| We've done this a while back. | ||
| We were talking about this. | ||
| Here's the thing I didn't think of that you thought of. | ||
| It was very smart. | ||
| You get land with a large pond slash lake on it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So you can fish. | ||
| So you've got access to protein no matter what. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Then you have a garden. | ||
| You've got to be able to grow. | ||
| You need a well. | ||
| I've got to irrigate. | ||
| I need a well. | ||
| I've got to have my own source of water. | ||
| There's Sam's thing. | ||
| So look how the side pulls out. | ||
| Oh, that's fucking great. | ||
| Turns into a wall tent. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| The side turns into a fucking wall tent. | ||
| Look at that shit. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Dude, it's so dope. | ||
| And he brings that thing up into the backcountry. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, it's amazing. | ||
| Problem is, it's a giant bus. | ||
| I need something a little bit more maneuverable. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want that. | ||
| Sam's crazy. | ||
| But I mean, it's awesome. | ||
| What about the Fisker? | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Fisker? | ||
| That's an electric car. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Now I'm losing you. | ||
| You're sliding back to the old way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Oh, now you're back in Venice drinking cappuccinos off a fucking expensive machine. | ||
| No. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| We have to go look at land, dude. | ||
| Where do we do it though? | ||
| Colorado or Utah? | ||
| Not California anywhere? | ||
| No. | ||
| You want to get out of here before this place slides? | ||
| Too many fucking fires. | ||
| Not just fires. | ||
| Anything can happen here. | ||
| Look, we're dealing right now with this pandemic. | ||
| The entire country's dealing with it. | ||
| Tack on a natural disaster and then you're really fucked. | ||
| You're really fucked. | ||
| For real. | ||
| For real. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Yeah, this is a tricky place. | ||
| California is tricky because it works. | ||
| When it works, it's great, but it's kind of like playing musical chairs. | ||
| Like you know that fucking music is gonna stop and everyone's gonna have to sit down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, is there a chair for me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, am I stuck here? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Musical chairs might be a bad analogy, but the reality is this is unsustainable and we're basing all of this on a model that Really, throughout human history, has only been temporary, and that means a model of peace and prosperity and- And interdependence on a level, technological independence. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And we're counting on the grid, we're counting on so many factors that have never been permanent throughout human history. | ||
| They haven't existed, right? | ||
| The grid didn't even exist until the 20th century, right? | ||
| So in the 20th century, in the time that people who are alive today, almost, We're alive. | ||
| The whole world has shifted and now everybody lives in these electrified cities and sewage all goes through this thing and everything goes into the ocean. | ||
| You're counting on so many people. | ||
| So many, dude. | ||
| But, on the other hand, there's so many pros to that. | ||
| There are, but I would just like, please, a place I can get the fuck out of and just have, like, I just want to be, I don't want to be a sitting duck. | ||
| My biggest fear is being vulnerable. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, you remember when I moved? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I moved to Boulder in 2008 for a little bit. | ||
| And the reason why I moved is like, I don't like this. | ||
| I don't like this. | ||
| Traffic. | ||
| And when my daughter was born, too, I was thinking, you know what? | ||
| This is a good time to start fresh. | ||
| Let's just go somewhere where it's quieter. | ||
| But ultimately, that didn't work out because of altitude. | ||
| When my wife was pregnant with the second baby, it's like, goddamn, altitude wrecks women when they're pregnant. | ||
| And we were really high. | ||
| We were at 8,500 feet above sea level. | ||
| But now I have other friends that are saying, hey, we need to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Tom Segura was saying, we need to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Joey Diaz was saying, where are we going? | ||
| I was like, you tell me where we're going. | ||
| I'm going. | ||
| I'll go. | ||
| He was like, let's go to Montana. | ||
| Let's go to fucking Billings, Montana. | ||
| We'll open up a comic club. | ||
| I like Billings. | ||
| I like Billings, too. | ||
| We were in Billings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We hunted the Missouri Breaks. | ||
| We could literally start a comedy club somewhere great. | ||
| Oh, yeah, we could. | ||
| Like, Boise doesn't have a comedy club, from what I understand. | ||
| Maybe they have a small one. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| No, Boise has a club. | ||
| Alright, so, Coeur d'Alene. | ||
| I don't know, somewhere really nice. | ||
| We could, for sure, do a comedy club somewhere, or move to a place like Salt Lake that has comedy clubs and 100,000 fucking people or whatever they have out there. | ||
| But the idea of staying here just seems so silly. | ||
| It seems so silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially, well, you're still in show business. | ||
| You're still sucking on the tit of the devil. | ||
| Yes, I am. | ||
| You've got the devil's nipple in your mouth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're still going to red carpets. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I've also got the fighter indicated we're not getting Shob to move anywhere because Shob would be like, you pussies. | ||
| Oh, he says that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All it would take is one more of these things. | ||
| Yeah, you might be right. | ||
| And Shob would be like, yeah, Denver's not bad. | ||
| Yeah, you could live in Evergreen, you're 30 minutes from Denver. | ||
| Yeah, how about that? | ||
| I'll do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Evergreen? | |
| Would you? | ||
| Is that nice? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah, I'll do that. | |
| Oh my god, Evergreen's gorgeous. | ||
| Pull up Evergreen. | ||
| I got my kids. | ||
| People in Evergreen right now are angry at me. | ||
| Shut up! | ||
| You're gonna fucking wreck Evergreen! | ||
| Evergreen's beautiful. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| It's 30 minutes from Denver and it's a beautiful mountain town. | ||
| Here I come. | ||
| 9,000 people. | ||
| 9,500. | ||
| All our friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Imagine we start a comedy club in Evergreen. | ||
| Great idea. | ||
| Just get Wendy involved. | ||
| Wendy from the Comedy Works. | ||
| That's what it looks like up there. | ||
| I love Wendy. | ||
| Bro, it's gorgeous. | ||
| It's got a beautiful historic... | ||
| Look at that! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| That's what I'm talking about, Brian Callen. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Woods. | ||
| Elk herds wander through town. | ||
| You whack one of them, you eat it for six months. | ||
| And I want two German Shepherds working line dogs. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Pull that fucking historic downtown Evergreen. | ||
| That's the lake. | ||
| I've been to that before. | ||
| There's a lake and people go ice skating on the lake. | ||
| It's fucking beautiful up there. | ||
| Dude, that's what I want to do! | ||
| My kids will ice skate. | ||
| You know the South Park guys? | ||
| Matt Stone and Trey Parker, they're from Evergreen. | ||
| That's what South Park is based on. | ||
| That's why there's always snow in South Park. | ||
| It's based on Evergreen, Colorado. | ||
| Those guys are from there. | ||
| It's gorgeous up there. | ||
| They're going to get mad at you if you keep talking about it. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| There's other places in Colorado, but there's other places in Utah. | ||
| Park City's amazing. | ||
| I love Park City. | ||
| Park City's great. | ||
| My parents retired there. | ||
| Good move. | ||
| Great restaurants, beautiful scenery. | ||
| You're still dependent on the grid and there's not enough water. | ||
| I don't trust it. | ||
| Well, there is actually. | ||
| Get some water. | ||
| Doesn't trust it. | ||
| We'd be fine. | ||
| We'd kill some elk. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's lakes up there. | ||
| But I need fucking rice and oatmeal. | ||
| I need some starch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You need rice and oatmeal? | |
| I need some yams. | ||
| Why do you need rice and oatmeal? | ||
| Because I need... | ||
| You know, you can grow yams. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| You can grow those things. | ||
| Yeah, you need a lot of water though. | ||
| They grow. | ||
| You grow them in the ground. | ||
| Yeah, but there's not a drought in Utah. | ||
| It's not like it's a fucking... | ||
| I mean, there's a reason why there's so much snow, Brian. | ||
| That's precipitation. | ||
| Wait, you can melt snow, can't you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| But I mean, it's coming down, right? | ||
| It snows. | ||
| Well, guess what? | ||
| It also rains. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can grow things there. | ||
| That's true, my man. | ||
| You see all those trees? | ||
| Yeah, they use water. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whenever you see a lot of woods, assume there's water. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Maybe I should do some thinking. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look how pretty is that. | ||
| Where is that, Jamie? | ||
| A giant lake. | ||
| God, it's so beautiful. | ||
| I need a lake. | ||
| I need a lake for water. | ||
| Is that Colorado? | ||
| It's an evergreen photo, so it's probably somewhere else. | ||
| God, it's an evergreen? | ||
| Dude, I want to be able to live off the land. | ||
| Livability. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| What does it say about livability? | ||
| Don't come here, ass fucks. | ||
| Evergreen Colorado, what you need to know. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| Looking to move to Evergreen Colorado? | ||
| We've got everything you want to know about the key factors that can make it the best place for you, including Evergreen Colorado real estate. | ||
| Let's start with the basics. | ||
| Evergreen Colorado is located in Jefferson County, has a population of 8,688 people. | ||
| That's a show. | ||
| That's one show at a good-sized theater. | ||
| So true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's one show. | ||
| That's not even a sold-out arena. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| We have a cool graph below that shows the city's ethnic diversity. | ||
| None. | ||
| I'll check that graph right now. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| It's all white people. | ||
| There's one black guy and they watch him closely. | ||
| What kind of ethnic diversity? | ||
| Let me see the graph. | ||
| Evergreen? | ||
| Let me see their graph. | ||
| Let me see the graph about the diversity. | ||
| This is a graph. | ||
| They hide the graph. | ||
| Salt Lake has a lot of Tongan and Samoan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Salt Lake, the city, surprisingly diverse. | ||
| I have a friend who moved there. | ||
| Medium household income, 79 grand. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| 389 grand for a house. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Population 8,600. | ||
| So it doesn't have a diversity graph. | ||
| They probably ditched that. | ||
| One thing is like, hey, delete that. | ||
| Oh, what does it say? | ||
| Okay, it says ages. | ||
| Does it say ethnicity? | ||
| White. | ||
| 97.5%. | ||
| 1.4% Asian. | ||
| Literally no black people. | ||
| There's one black person. | ||
| Dude, 0.1% ethnicity other. | ||
| Other. | ||
| It doesn't even say black. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It says other. | ||
| African Americans, one of the most prominent races in this country. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And there, it's other. | ||
| Sounds like my application. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Go back to that. | ||
| Stop scrolling. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 97.5% white. | ||
| Dude, 30 minutes to Denver, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| 30 minutes to Denver. | ||
| I want to go to Evergreen. | ||
| But you will get snowed in, bro. | ||
| You will. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Is it high elevation? | ||
| What's the elevation? | ||
| 8,000 feet. | ||
| That's a little high. | ||
| It's high as fuck. | ||
| And you're going to get snowed in. | ||
| Not just snowed in, but like several feet of snow. | ||
| It's a little problem for me. | ||
| Like you ain't going nowhere, bitch. | ||
| It's a little problem. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Don't you just get a snowblower? | ||
| Like a goddamn man? | ||
| You put on a, like, get a, like a... | ||
| Beaver hat. | ||
| Get Rinella to make you a beaver hat. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Like one of them real hats. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like the mountain man type hats. | ||
| I want a coyote, full-length coyote. | ||
| No. | ||
| I know it's mean. | ||
| I'm nervous. | ||
| They're too much like dogs. | ||
| You mean you want a coyote jacket or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I mean, I know it's cruel and I don't want to kill coyotes, but they are very plentiful. | ||
| These idiots are thinking about moving wolves into Colorado. | ||
| That's not a bad idea, right? | ||
| Didn't moving wolves into Yellowstone increase the population of everything? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it did not. | ||
| Is that a lie? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I watched that video. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How wolves changed rivers? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of other factors that that guy didn't take into consideration in terms of moving rivers. | ||
| One of the things was beavers. | ||
| They imported beavers into Yellowstone. | ||
| There's many, many factors. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But they did reduce the undulate population, which you could say was out of proportion. | ||
| What's an undulate? | ||
| Undulate is cows, elk. | ||
| The undulate. | ||
| Cows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ruminants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ruminants. | |
| Whatever it is. | ||
| I like saying ruminant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The animals that you hunt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And guess who else hunts them? | ||
| Wolves, bitch! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it changed the way the elk behave. | ||
| It reduced the population pretty substantially, but there's still a healthy population of elk in Montana, and there's a healthy population of wolves, and they actually hunt wolves now. | ||
| They hunt wolves in Idaho. | ||
| They hunt a lot of wolves. | ||
| In some places, they're trying to resist the hunting of wolves. | ||
| You got to kind of keep a balance. | ||
| And if you're going to bring predators, you got to realize why they killed them all in the first place. | ||
| They killed them all in the first place because ranchers were losing all of their crops or all their cattle, rather. | ||
| Look, I love wolves. | ||
| Look, you can see I have pictures of wolves all over my wall out there. | ||
| I'm a huge fan of wolves. | ||
| But you can't raise lots. | ||
| It's tough to... | ||
| I also am a big fan of wildlife biologists and the wildlife biologists that understand balance. | ||
| The real ones. | ||
| Not the ones that are animal activists that only want animals to live and they only want everybody to eat tofu. | ||
| The ones that understand that this is There's a balance from predators and prey, and we miss that balance. | ||
| You know, that's why there's no mountain lion hunting in California. | ||
| And people say, well, that's a good thing. | ||
| Sort of, but mountain lions are still getting killed in California. | ||
| This is what we don't understand. | ||
| Mountain lions get killed by state and federal agents who have to kill mountain lions because mountain lions are killing Either people's dogs or cats or livestock. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| They kill the same amount of mountain lions they would if they had tags. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But the difference is the money doesn't go to the state, but everybody feels good and the government feels warm and cuddly. | ||
| Because somebody with a uniform is doing it. | ||
| They're doing it on the sneak tip instead of like some guy posing on Instagram, like hugging. | ||
| You ever see the way they pose with mountain lions? | ||
| It's kind of fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They hold them up in the air to hug them. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| They do that with wolves, too. | ||
| Yeah, and let you know how big they are. | ||
| It's fucking huge. | ||
| Let you know what a man they are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They shot this... | ||
| Mountain Lion's delicious, by the way. | ||
| It is? | ||
| According to everybody I know that's eating it. | ||
| Well, Rinald told me it's pretty tough. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No? | |
| No, that's not what he said. | ||
| He said it's superb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That's his words. | ||
| He said superb. | ||
| He goes, it's like a superior pork. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| But they eat, they're 100% carnivores. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And supposedly delicious. | ||
| I can't think of any other animal we eat. | ||
| Do we eat any animals that are total carnivores? | ||
| Alligator. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alligator. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Alligators are delicious. | ||
| Fish. | ||
| Yeah, fish are 100% carnivores, but they're not really, you know, it's a thing. | ||
| But what else animal-wise? | ||
| You don't eat any birds that are carnivores, but birds will eat. | ||
| That is interesting, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, we don't eat eagles. | ||
| You hate an eagle, you'd be a real piece of shit. | ||
| In the Old Testament, if you're a kosher Jew or if you're Islamic, if you're a Muslim, you're not to eat things like eagles, osprey, but there was a very good scientific reason for that. | ||
| Because you would get different pathogens. | ||
| Parasites. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Anything that eats live animals. | ||
| But chickens, they live on mealworm and they'll eat all kinds of shit. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| But you're also supposed to cook chicken past 145 degrees. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're killing off parasites. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And salmonella and all kinds of other shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, people eat raw chicken. | ||
| You've got to be out of your fucking mind to eat raw chicken. | ||
| Ducks. | ||
| You know what a horse will eat a chicken sometimes? | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| There's a video of it. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| I know cows eat birds. | ||
| Bring up that video of a horse eating a fucking chicken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Thank you for doing this. | ||
| And deer will eat... | ||
| Oh, I've seen a lot of deer eating birds. | ||
| They'll eat birds. | ||
| I need that protein. | ||
| Yeah, there was a net that they used to catch birds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They set up this net. | ||
| I think they were studying birds, and it's a humane way to catch them. | ||
| They get captured in this net, and then they can release them from the net gently, and then they can set them free. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Deer would just find them in the net and eat them. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Yeah, they'd just pluck them right out of the net. | ||
| So interesting. | ||
| Cattle, too. | ||
| They'd know where the net was. | ||
| Like, oh, wonderful. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Chase these birds. | ||
| Choo, choo, choo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's a cow eating one, too. | |
| We've played the horse before, too. | ||
| Oh, a cow eating a chicken? | ||
| Play that. | ||
| It's a horse eating one. | ||
| Okay, here we go. | ||
| There's a chicken running around. | ||
| Oh, here's a chicken? | ||
| Oh, he's feeding? | ||
| I'm just saying it almost looks like it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, yeah, he's filming it. | ||
| Horses don't fuck around. | ||
| Oh, it's a little baby chick. | ||
| Yeah, look, he's chasing that chick down. | ||
| Oh, I'm looking out for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so interesting. | |
| That's a wrap, bitch. | ||
| Chompa, chompa, chompa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah, they just recognize its protein. | ||
| Wow, he ate that quick. | ||
| I used to have a pit bull. | ||
| Patty's Pit Bull. | ||
| Chauncey, badass dog. | ||
| I remember Chauncey. | ||
| Love that dog. | ||
| A great dog. | ||
| Like an alligator. | ||
| Like jaws on fucking, just with feet. | ||
| There's a cow eating a chicken. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Chewing it apart. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| She got near a big horse, a Clydesdale. | ||
| That horse put its head down and ran straight at that fucking dog. | ||
| And Chauncey was like, oh fuck, yeah. | ||
| The size of a Clydesdale. | ||
| He was like, get the fuck out of my corral. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| He literally stopped and he went, really? | ||
| Put his head down and went, and came, I thought she was going to die. | ||
| She just dodged out of the way. | ||
| She could have. | ||
| There's a horrible video of this guy is, what is it called when you've got a bunch of dogs pulling you? | ||
| Is it called mushing? | ||
| Yeah, mushing. | ||
| I did, Rod. | ||
| Mushing? | ||
| Mushing. | ||
| Mushing or mushing? | ||
| I mush. | ||
| Do you mush or do you mush? | ||
| I mush, personally. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So this guy, it's really sad. | ||
| This guy is getting pulled by these dogs and this moose runs in front of him and just starts stomping his dogs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, it's terrible. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| There's nothing he can do about it. | ||
| No. | ||
| So this is not it. | ||
| This is not it, but I'm sure this is probably a similar result. | ||
| The other one was a cow moose. | ||
| It was either a cow moose or it was... | ||
| Let me see that one. | ||
| I think it was just clearing the path for him, it said. | ||
| Well, they will fuck up dogs. | ||
| Moose Attack Sled Dog Team. | ||
| Yeah, that's not it. | ||
| It's a recent one, but it's real. | ||
| Anyway, it was real sad. | ||
| I saw it on Instagram. | ||
| It killed a bunch of dogs? | ||
| It killed a couple of them. | ||
| One of them they had to put down after the fact because it broke its back. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, a Milton Moose is an 1,800-pound animal. | ||
| Not hearing a peep out of a pack of dogs. | ||
| Pack it, dog. | ||
| That's like you getting in a fight with a hamster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just get the fuck out of here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of here. | |
| Bink! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Moose are so big, man. | ||
| Couple cheetah pull them down, though. | ||
| Cheetah will grab your balls, eat your balls first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Then hamstring you. | ||
| You know what they do that? | ||
| Wolves do that, too. | ||
| Lions will do that. | ||
| Lions will do that with a water buffalo. | ||
| They'll attack the legs. | ||
| Oh, they'll eat your balls. | ||
| They'll take your balls and start to bleed out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ow! | |
| Ow! | ||
| I'll take your balls, please. | ||
| Can't protect your balls, Bob. | ||
| Yeah, it's a stupid design, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just pull it up inside like a turtle. | ||
| Tanks. | ||
| They're just tanks, but sometimes they get tired. | ||
| Yeah, if you go hunting, you should have a steel cup, like a tie cup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| One that goes through the butt like a G-string. | ||
| I do anyway. | ||
| You should. | ||
| I call that discipline. | ||
| Just in case some wolf wants to try to bite your balls, he gets a mouth full of metal. | ||
| I tie my dick down on my leg with a hemp rope, just to keep me honest. | ||
| A hemp rope? | ||
| Yeah, keep me honest. | ||
| And also organic. | ||
| Yeah, Brian, what are you doing? | ||
| Tying my dick down with a coarse hemp rope. | ||
| Why? | ||
| In case me honest. | ||
| Yeah, like, you know those side holsters that people have sometimes where they have a strap on their thigh? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Because they have a long gun and they want to keep it from flopping up against their thigh? | ||
| Sure do. | ||
| That's what you do with the hog. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Sometimes I sprint with a hard-on. | ||
| You ever try that? | ||
| Naked? | ||
| I've never run with a hard-on. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I've lived all these years. | ||
| Never ran with a hard heart. | ||
| I wonder how long your dick would stay hard if you were in a full gallop. | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| It's a very good question. | ||
| That'd be a great contest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If someone broke into your house and you were in the middle of sex and you were angry, but you kept your wood because you weren't scared. | ||
| Just get your dick super hard and just go running. | ||
| Just take a hair tie and just rubber band it to the bottom. | ||
| Got to do that. | ||
| Just keep the blood flow. | ||
| Got to tie your piece down. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You tie off at the end. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Like a cock ring. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And then just go running after him. | ||
| You just use a cock ring. | ||
| With a big old heart on. | ||
| Yeah, but who has a cock ring? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, fuck. | |
| That's one of those things. | ||
| If you have it, what's wrong with you? | ||
| Don't say that because you're going to get 50 emails of people with alligator cock rings. | ||
| And I'll initial it for you. | ||
| Hey, bro, there's nothing wrong with cock rings. | ||
| Joe Rogan fucking experience. | ||
| Let me show you how I make them. | ||
| Just a cock ring. | ||
| You got Python? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Python cock ring? | ||
| So many cock rings. | ||
| They all exist. | ||
| Yeah, like who's buying sex toys from stores these days? | ||
| You ever drive by one of them sex toy stores and you're like, for real? | ||
| It's a ghost town. | ||
| Who's in there? | ||
| They're open still. | ||
| Are those money laundering operations? | ||
| Maybe, but the Hustler store is still open, I think, on Sunset Boulevard. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| That's more of a thing for you and your girlfriend to go like, let's get this. | ||
| Well, it used to be DVDs. | ||
| I remember it used to be like, you remember when people used to buy porn DVDs? | ||
| There was a day, you fucking kids today are so spoiled. | ||
| And VHS porn. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, I remember that. | ||
| That was when I used to watch porn. | ||
| You know, I never, and this is all bullshit aside, and I'm not because I'm a good boy. | ||
| I never watch porn. | ||
| I never ever watch porn because it doesn't do a thing for me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I just, I swear to God. | ||
| Because you're tired from fucking all the time. | ||
| I thought about that the other day. | ||
| I was like, I haven't watched porn in... | ||
| Three days? | ||
| Since I was 52. I haven't watched porn in so many years. | ||
| Because you're tired from all your fucking. | ||
| Yeah, all my banging. | ||
| Because I'm fucking. | ||
| Because I fuck. | ||
| Porn is an oddly polarizing subject. | ||
| Because it's one of the weirdest things ever, if you really stop and think about it. | ||
| Because mostly everyone who's healthy enjoys sex. | ||
| Whether it's straight sex or gay sex or what kind of sex you like. | ||
| If you're healthy and you're young. | ||
| Even if you're not young. | ||
| If you're healthy, your body works well. | ||
| You like sex. | ||
| But yet, filming it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so taboo. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I think it's because... | ||
| It's so taboo. | ||
| It is taboo, and I've thought a lot about that. | ||
| I think it's because we inherently know, typically, that the person doing it, putting themselves on camera, it is a form of suicide. | ||
| And what I mean by that is it's a form of... | ||
| It's a way of ensuring that you keep yourself out of certain segments of society, right? | ||
| And maybe it's residue from when... | ||
| When sex was downright dangerous—pregnancy, disease that we didn't have cures for—I think sex had to have a lot of taboos. | ||
| Like, even in the Old Testament, I think, when the Israelites were not allowed to—you couldn't take the women as slaves. | ||
| You had to kill everybody. | ||
| Well, the reason for that was—unless they were virgins—because the reason for that was you could get a disease. | ||
| And I can't remember who broke that down, but that was always a thing where— People would get... | ||
| You'd go into a town and rape all the women and stuff, and then your soldiers would come down with some terrible syphilitic disease. | ||
| And so, in the Old Testament, the Israelites were, you know, forbidden from taking anybody who was of a certain age. | ||
| That's another weird thing about sex. | ||
| The diseases... | ||
| Like, how many goddamn diseases come from fucking? | ||
| And people seem fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's not like the flu. | ||
| Or, you know, if someone's like, oh my god, I have a fever. | ||
| I'm sick. | ||
| Can we fuck? | ||
| It's not like that. | ||
| I got the flu from Maggie. | ||
| That dirty bitch. | ||
| Like, wait, bro, she was in bed. | ||
| She was sick. | ||
| You couldn't tell she was sick? | ||
| Oh, I thought I'd be fine. | ||
| Like, no. | ||
| When I was younger, if you had a flu, that wasn't going to stop me. | ||
| If I'm sick, I can't. | ||
| I'd be like, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Because you're terrible. | ||
| But that's not my point. | ||
| My point is, people seem fine and they have a terrible disease. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, the flu is normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, you're sick. | ||
| You got a temperature. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I don't want to be near you. | ||
| I could catch that disease. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's one of the weird things about this coronavirus in a lot of ways, right? | ||
| Because they said, we were trying to figure out what the number is, but there's a large percentage, more than half, are asymptomatic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they're carrying it. | ||
| But they're carrying it. | ||
| So they seem fine, but they're spreading this horrible disease. | ||
| That's weird, but that's sort of like some diseases, some VD, the clap, syphilis. | ||
| You can have herpes and never show symptoms. | ||
| So you can have herpes simplex, too, and never show symptoms. | ||
| And you could be carrying it. | ||
| Just shooting dirty. | ||
| Herpes ridden loads into people. | ||
| And apparently all of us have been exposed to herpes. | ||
| Cold source from what I understand, on your lips, you have somewhat some immunity to the one on your genitals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yes. | ||
| But you could transfer the ones from your lips to the general. | ||
| Apparently you can. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's such a weird... | |
| Every time I talk to a doctor... | ||
| You can't fix that one. | ||
| No. | ||
| They don't have a vaccine for herpes. | ||
| No, they just have pills you can take. | ||
| Oh, they never figured that out. | ||
| I think they were working on it. | ||
| There's too many people with herpes. | ||
| They just let it go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's some crazy number. | ||
| It's like warts, too. | ||
| There are different kinds of warts. | ||
| Well, they have that now. | ||
| HPV, they do have a vaccine for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They do have a vaccine for that. | ||
| And that's very important for women. | ||
| Because women get it and they get cervical cancer. | ||
| It's just the idea that all these diseases are passed on through sex is so strange. | ||
| Well, if you think about it, you're coming in as close contact as is possible. | ||
| Maybe you, bro. | ||
| You're ingesting their fluids. | ||
| I like to get out of the room. | ||
| When I come, I like to run into the bathroom. | ||
| And clean immediately. | ||
| I just shoot into the sink. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's hard to... | ||
| Yeah, but porn. | ||
| We were talking about porn. | ||
| Why is there taboo? | ||
| Typically, I think it's because people... | ||
| I think it's a couple things. | ||
| I think porn people remind us of a darker animalistic side of ourselves we don't want to admit to, right? | ||
| So if I watch porn, I'm not going to admit that to a bunch of people I don't know yet. | ||
| There's something shaming about... | ||
| Watching other people have sex. | ||
| There's something taboo about that. | ||
| So if I admit... | ||
| So if I'm around somebody who reminds me of the fact that I... That's why I've always thought it would be the height of hypocrisy. | ||
| Whenever people judge porn stars, it's like, you judge porn stars. | ||
| You watch porn. | ||
| Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| All of us watch it. | ||
| All of us jerk off to it. | ||
| I did. | ||
| I did my share of it. | ||
| You stopped a week ago. | ||
| My father one time looked at my iPad and he goes, the fuck is this porn? | ||
| My search history was so full of sin. | ||
| Your dad was looking through your search? | ||
| He put something in. | ||
| He was snooping. | ||
| No, and he saw this. | ||
| He goes, what is all this? | ||
| I look at him and I went, I watch porn. | ||
| He went like this. | ||
| And he went on looking for something. | ||
| You should really get uncomfortable with him. | ||
| What is your favorite to watch? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I'm sure he does, too. | ||
| I'm sure everybody does. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| When you're in a presence of porn people, typically, if they're part of your crew, they remind people of sort of their darker side. | ||
| And I think that's why they become ... | ||
| Also, by the way, though, the kind of person that's willing to do that might be more self-destructive usually than the average person in that sense. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you always have to leave the door open to aberrations. | ||
| But there was something that I read about—it was a real bummer—the number of women that get into porn that have been sexually molested is off the charts. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Although I've met—I've met—I'm thinking of two in particular. | ||
| Alana Evans, who I got to know, who is as normal and as cool a fucking human being as it gets. | ||
| She's just—I love her. | ||
| She's a great person. | ||
| She just is. | ||
| And Asa Akira. | ||
| Asa is smart as fuck and a regular... | ||
| I kept looking at her going, what's going on here? | ||
| She's read everything. | ||
| She just seems incredibly well-adjusted, but she has that side of her. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| She does ferocious gangbangs. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Where it's like all her mascara's gone. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| She's covered in cocksnot. | ||
| Never watched one of her porns, but yes. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you respect her. | ||
| No. | ||
| I just haven't watched it. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| Maybe I will now. | ||
| Maybe that'll break your three-day fast. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's a weird one because it is sort of universally taboo, but yet almost universally consumed. | ||
| These are very contradictory things. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Very much. | ||
| Nicole Aniston, Stevie Blue Eyes, my boy, you know Stevie, he dates Nicole Aniston and now does porn with her. | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| What? | ||
| When did this happen? | ||
| Stevie goes from crime to... | ||
| Stand up to porn. | ||
| He's doing porn with Nicole Anderson? | ||
|
unidentified
|
With his girlfriend. | |
| With his girlfriend. | ||
| She's a beautiful girl. | ||
| She's a beautiful girl. | ||
| And again, very good businesswoman. | ||
| Has other investments. | ||
| You talk to her and she's gorgeous, but you'd never think... | ||
| I've had long, lucid conversations with this person. | ||
| She's just not... | ||
| It just doesn't make... | ||
| So Stevie's showing his cock to the world. | ||
| Stevie's got a fucking piece on him. | ||
| Got a piece on him? | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| Does he call himself Stevie Blue Eyes and his porn? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Do you still let him open for you or is he tainted now? | ||
| I want to. | ||
| No, I fucking love that guy. | ||
| You know, after he does porn, people see his heart. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| You should be careful. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| This is not good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just not good. | |
| It's a bad look. | ||
| Now, Stevie's always welcome. | ||
| You're a guy on television. | ||
| I am. | ||
| You can't have some porn star open for you. | ||
| This is outrageous. | ||
| Now I want him. | ||
| I want him even more now. | ||
| I use Malik B, who's amazing. | ||
| You should be a director and come in and dress like an old-timey director. | ||
| How's an old-timey director dress? | ||
| Well, I would dress the way an old-time French director dresses, which would be I would have knickers, I would have boots, I'd have a beret, and I'd have a cane. | ||
| Cane, like a cattle, like a riding crop. | ||
| Yes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| A fucking riding crop. | ||
| So be dressed like an equestrian, but I'm not an equestrian. | ||
| Like an equestrian. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And maybe even have a, instead of a beret, a hard riding hat. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And action! | ||
| Unseen! | ||
| Could they talk you into doing something where you don't have sex, but you are a comedic relief in a porn film? | ||
| Would you be interested in doing that? | ||
| I would do that, maybe. | ||
| Would you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
| Would ABC get mad at you? | ||
| Are you on ABC? Yeah, I'm on ABC. ABC's very conservative. | ||
| Well, they're owned by Disney. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then again, hopefully they don't listen to The Fighter and Kid. | ||
| Well, hopefully they don't listen to this, because we're trying to set it up. | ||
| Action! | ||
| I had a director one time. | ||
| I was doing the scene. | ||
| And he goes, I don't believe you. | ||
| He said, I don't believe you? | ||
| I don't believe you. | ||
| Brian, I don't believe you. | ||
| I don't believe you. | ||
| Was that Sex and the City? | ||
| No, it was on MADtv. | ||
| Really? | ||
| A director on MADtv is taking it seriously? | ||
| Actually, I had a director on Oz say that. | ||
| He goes, I can see you acting. | ||
| He whispered, hey, I can see you acting. | ||
| Try something different? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was right. | ||
| Well, you are acting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should play dumb. | ||
| I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| I'm supposed to be acting, right? | ||
| If you don't want me to act, I'll go home. | ||
| What? | ||
| You should have focused on stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Well, you did, eventually. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| But you like the acting, too. | ||
| You're a weirdo. | ||
| You like those people, too. | ||
| You secretly like those acting people. | ||
| The ones that I disdain. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| You bring them around sometimes and I get grossed out. | ||
| I don't know if that's true. | ||
| I have to slowly make my way to the door. | ||
| I don't think I brought any actors around. | ||
| You don't anymore. | ||
| How long ago? | ||
| It's been a while. | ||
| You used to bring them around. | ||
| Yeah, not really. | ||
| And I used to be like, hey, what the fuck is this? | ||
| Who's this guy? | ||
| I'm not comfortable on this guy. | ||
| The guy would be right there. | ||
| I don't want to be rude. | ||
| I don't like this guy. | ||
| Bro, but you would bring the worst, like full-on liars, sociopaths, complete pathological liars. | ||
| Misfits, misfits. | ||
| Liars. | ||
| I collected misfits. | ||
| But they would just lie about stuff. | ||
| Maybe they were just nervous around you. | ||
| But they would just make up stories, though. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't just make up stories. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| And you know, sometimes when someone makes up a story and it's so obvious, you're like, what are you saying? | ||
| But I would never pick up on it and you would go like this. | ||
| I remember one time where you and I were doing some... | ||
| We were shooting something as a favor and we were getting our makeup and this guy was talking and he was dating... | ||
| He was actually dating some porn chick and you were listening to him and in front of everybody, in front of him and everybody, you went like this. | ||
| You went... | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| What a bullshit artist! | ||
| Wow! | ||
| You're a real bullshit artist, huh? | ||
| And it got all weird in the room. | ||
| I was like, oh, here goes Joe. | ||
| Here goes Joe hunkering down. | ||
| Well, when someone starts lying to you, just lying to you in front of a bunch of people, and I think I remember this story. | ||
| I think the guy was very criminal, too. | ||
| It was something like... | ||
| He's angling to get something out of us and lying. | ||
| I was like, I know where this is going. | ||
| You're trying to get something out of us and you're lying. | ||
| Like, you're a bullshit artist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And I was like, we're stopping this right now because you're going to dominate this whole day and then you're going to want us to invest in something or give you money. | ||
| There was some hustle. | ||
| You stopped him right away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there was some gross sort of semi-aggressive hustle to what he was doing and he was lying to us. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I was like, this isn't true. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But you called him on it. | ||
| Record scratch. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Well, it was one of those moments where this whole day could go to shit because we're trapped in this building with this lyre. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's so many of them out here. | ||
| That's so good to know. | ||
| I don't have that antenna because I just trust people immediately. | ||
| That was an obvious one. | ||
| I remember that one. | ||
| It was a criminal one. | ||
| There's some guys that are like, they're criminals. | ||
| Sociopaths. | ||
| Yeah, but they're angling. | ||
| And if you don't... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop it! | |
| Right there. | ||
| They're going to get your number. | ||
| They're going to get your email. | ||
| They're going to get you this. | ||
| They're going to get you this. | ||
| I want to make this meeting. | ||
| I'm real tight friends with Tom Cruise or this guy or that guy. | ||
| And it's always that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like name dropping. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Has that ever worked? | ||
| Does that work? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the weirdest. | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| Name dropping is one of the weirdest things that people do that doesn't work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so sad and strange. | ||
| But it doesn't work. | ||
| No. | ||
| But yet people do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a weird one. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Like fame by association. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It never works. | ||
| It never works. | ||
| But people do it. | ||
| And then when people are like, yeah, you know, I'm real good friends with Leo. | ||
| I don't want to be that guy. | ||
| I don't want to be, all due respect, I don't want to be the good friend to the big celebrity. | ||
| Unless you do something completely different. | ||
| Unless you do something that's completely outside the business. | ||
| Well, if you don't need that person. | ||
| If you're not part of their entourage. | ||
| Yeah, like maybe David Sinclair talks about who's friends with you. | ||
| That kind of thing. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I know Brian Callen. | ||
| I'm friends with him. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| People are like, oh, well, you're a respected Harvard psychologist or biologist. | ||
| Well, I got very excited when Lex Friedman came to my show. | ||
| I mean, yeah, he's a fucking brainiac. | ||
| MIT scientist, a legitimate genius. | ||
| Yeah, and a black belt in judo and jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, great guy. | ||
| But that is, that's different. | ||
| That's someone who's accomplished in a different realm. | ||
| It's the people that are in that business that are like trying to be producers or trying to be a this or trying to be a that. | ||
| It's like there's so much weirdness going on out here in terms of like people being inauthentic. | ||
| Did I tell you the story about how I was in Boston at the Wilbur and then we went to this club? | ||
| Did I tell you where there were these three Ethiopian guys and my buddy's girlfriend's Ethiopian? | ||
| Did I tell you the story? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Oh, so I'm with Lex Friedman, black belt. | ||
| I'm with my other boy, Rob, who's a black belt, 6'4", 230. I'm with Brian Cooley, who owns Gracie Baha in fucking Nashville. | ||
| He's 6'6 to 70? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 6'6 to 70. A Viking. | ||
| A fucking Viking. | ||
| Wears his hair in a ponytail blonde. | ||
| Giant. | ||
| 42 years old and still competes in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| And then I got my boy Malik B, who came out of Mayweather's camp, boxed at wildcard forever. | ||
| He's been throwing a right hand since he was seven. | ||
| And Malik has his Ethiopian girlfriend and there are these four little Ethiopian dudes who are drunk and being shitheads and actually kind of dancing with the girls that are in the group and they had to be pushed away a couple times. | ||
| Anyway, finally the guy comes up to Malik and says, that girl belongs to us because she's our sister and you and Malik's black but he's like fucking from Louisiana. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so Malik, who's been fighting, goes, what? | ||
| And he goes, oh, Jesus. | ||
| He doesn't say anything. | ||
| He's just too happy. | ||
| He just goes, whatever. | ||
| And I go, what did he say? | ||
| And I go, what are you saying to us? | ||
| And the guy goes, that's our sister. | ||
| She shouldn't be with you guys. | ||
| She's with us. | ||
| And the Ethiopian girl, Helena, goes, you're being disrespectful. | ||
| So Brian Cooley said they don't know that they're surrounded by literally four black belts A great boxer. | ||
| And then me, the idiot, the loudmouth, who's probably going to be the first guy to throw a punch because I'm insecure. | ||
| So we're all there. | ||
| And these four guys who are maybe 5'7", never done a sport in their life. | ||
| And Brian Cooley just looks down at the guy and goes, Hey, bro, you know the movie Jaws? | ||
| Jaws? | ||
| And the guy goes, Huh? | ||
| And he goes, The movie Jaws. | ||
| You know that movie? | ||
| And the guy goes, Yeah. | ||
| And he goes, Right now in this scenario, you're the girl. | ||
| You guys are the girl swimming in the water. | ||
| You understand? | ||
| You're swimming in the water and you got no idea you're about to be pulled under. | ||
| Do you understand what I'm saying? | ||
| And he's just giant looking down. | ||
| And then you see the human guy go... | ||
| And he sees the circle kind of tightening and he just looks at everybody and he goes... | ||
| He just goes like this. | ||
| He goes, oh... | ||
| Gives his double thumbs up. | ||
| At least he's smart. | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| And his friends are like, ah. | ||
| And they were drunk and just kind of moved away in a group. | ||
| It would have been so bad for them. | ||
| Men and egos. | ||
| So bad for them. | ||
| That's the greatest metaphor. | ||
| You know the fucking movie Jaws? | ||
| Well, that's John Jock's metaphor. | ||
| Oh, it is? | ||
| Yeah, John Jock's metaphor for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He said, the ground is the ocean, and I'm a shark, and most people can't swim. | ||
| You know, I train with Hegan. | ||
| Oh, he's great. | ||
| Oh, the best. | ||
| I fucking love him. | ||
| He's got some very controversial system where he's teaching people, celebrities, jiu-jitsu and giving them belts, but they don't really spar. | ||
| Well, they're celebrities. | ||
| I will always spar. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| He taught me a lot of Greco stuff, which was really cool. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| Hegan's a beast, man. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| In 2003 in Abu Dhabi, I was doing time for him in Sao Paulo. | ||
| I was holding the time. | ||
| He was like, tell me how much time? | ||
| Because he wasn't in the best shape, so he would conserve his energy. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| He's just so technical, he could get away with beating really good guys without being in tip-top condition. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| You ever see the video of him rolling with Hickson, fighting with Hickson? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, there's a famous jiu-jitsu film. | ||
| It's in black and white, and it's probably from... | ||
| Shit. | ||
| 89 or 1990 or some shit. | ||
| Like pre-UFC. And they're in Rio at a jiu-jitsu tournament back when there was no jiu-jitsu tournament. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Hegan had 360 fights. | ||
| It just said 86. Look at this. | ||
| 86, man. | ||
| So this is like me when I was just getting out of high school. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow! | |
| It's Hickson on the bottom, Hegan on top. | ||
| Look at how relaxed he is. | ||
| Dude, they had a battle. | ||
| Dude, Hegan at the time was a fucking beast. | ||
| Hegan's way bigger than Hickson, by the way. | ||
| He is. | ||
| And this is a real battle. | ||
| It's a really interesting match to watch as well because they're both so technical. | ||
| Hegan studied so many other things. | ||
| He was an amateur boxer for a long time. | ||
| But he did a lot of wrestling with the guys. | ||
| He rolled to try to get Hickson's back. | ||
| He keeps getting Hickson's back. | ||
| But he gets shook off. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, shit. | |
| He rolls him over. | ||
| Yeah, Hegan was a big fella. | ||
| Yeah, big and strong. | ||
| 210 to 20. Look at this though. | ||
| Hickson on top. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Hickson rolled them. | ||
| I mean, these guys, they really went for it too. | ||
| It was a really wild sort of a match with a lot of scrambles. | ||
| I didn't know this. | ||
| Yeah, you should watch it. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| I didn't know it was 86. I would have guessed it was 90 or 91. Now, the game has changed so much since, right? | ||
| It has. | ||
| But not fundamentals. | ||
| Yes, but the guys who have exceptionally sharp fundamentals still dominate. | ||
| Like Hodger Gracie. | ||
| Hodger's never been a guy who adopts the new aspects. | ||
| Look at that beautiful sweep by Hegan that Hicks encountered. | ||
| Hodger's never been a guy who adopted a lot of the crazy new techniques. | ||
| Roger Gracie's all, actually he calls himself Roger or Hodger, I'm not sure, but he's like straight up old school, arm bar, pass, triangle. | ||
| Just that system of fundamentals. | ||
| Yeah, the fundamentals. | ||
| If you watch really good wrestlers, they do the same, like high-level wrestlers. | ||
| They're still doing ankle picks. | ||
| They're still controlling the head and hips. | ||
| They're still double and single-legging. | ||
| Well, Jean-Jacques has a way of talking about it. | ||
| He said, the more jiu-jitsu I know, the less I use. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It says I use like five things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's timing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever see when Jean-Jacques first started competing in Abu Dhabi? | ||
| He was one of the first Gi champions to do no Gi and be really successful because Jean-Jacques was born with a genetic deficiency in his left hand. | ||
| He doesn't have a left hand, he just has a thumb. | ||
| And so because of that, he never relied on grabbing things. | ||
| He never relied on grabbing the gi. | ||
| He relied on a more Greco-Roman-based style of over hooks and under hooks. | ||
| So when he would roll with those guys, it's like, good, there's nothing to grab. | ||
| I never grabbed anything anyway. | ||
| And so he would just dominate people. | ||
| Even guys like Sakurai, who's a top-level MMA guy, just fucking ran through him. | ||
| Sakurai. | ||
| Sakurai. | ||
| Hayato Sakurai, who was like a beast back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, he ran right through him. | ||
| He ran right through a bunch of guys. | ||
| So cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's, you know, those guys that do that style, like Jean-Jacques style is the same way, man. | ||
| He's never been like a guy who does a lot of wild, fancy stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's a lot of guys who do wild, fancy stuff that are like super successful with that, too. | ||
| Look, there are great boxers, great boxers that use ones and twos the whole fucking fight. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They might throw two hooks. | ||
| Just finding something. | ||
| What's that Bruce Lee expression? | ||
| Don't beware of the man who knows 10,000 techniques. | ||
| Beware of the man who knows one thing that he's practiced 10,000 times. | ||
| Well, it's like the Book of Five Rings. | ||
| Miyamoto Masashi talks about Like, the practicing, real sword fighting literally is reaching and you have time for one strike. | ||
| And that's what he would practice over and over. | ||
| I mean, he said very rarely does ever a fight, a sword fight, go to a duel. | ||
| Like a ching-ching-ching. | ||
| That doesn't happen. | ||
| And that shit is like, it's final. | ||
| When Musashi fought so many people, he'd get bored and he'd start fighting people with ores. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, he made wooden swords out of oars and he would fight people with oars. | ||
| Well, he had a famous school where they would practice like, you know, where it was basically as realistic practice as you get. | ||
| Yeah, he said the only way to practice for that is that mindset. | ||
| God damn, imagine realistic practice with swords. | ||
| He would do things like get you, like if you were about to think, he would turn you toward the sun so the sun was in your eyes. | ||
| Oh yeah, and he would also show up really late. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He was into showing up really late. | ||
| And used two swords? | ||
| Yeah, hours late. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hours late. | ||
| So you'd be freaking out for hours while he's taking a nap. | ||
|
unidentified
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Damn. | |
| Because the guy would be waiting on the beach, and then he would show up hours late, and he wouldn't even have a sword, just use an oar. | ||
|
unidentified
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What? | |
| And fuck you up with an oar. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, because oars are longer. | ||
| So you've got this sword, and you're standing there with a sword, and this guy comes out with a long stick and just fucking cracks you over the head with it. | ||
| Not a good thing. | ||
| Well, he was a big man, too. | ||
| He was an interesting guy, man. | ||
| I mean, to understand what it takes to defeat more than 60 men in one-on-one combat. | ||
| Well, it's also not combat. | ||
| This is life and death shit. | ||
| This is like, you know, sword play. | ||
| Getting cut with a sword is not... | ||
| Swords are not terribly forgiving. | ||
| Bullets are more forgiving than is a sword. | ||
| Yeah, in a lot of ways. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're not walking away from a bloody throat. | ||
| It's also a very personal way to fuck somebody up. | ||
| Dude, you feel and hear and see them breathing. | ||
| I mean, everything. | ||
| Someone's head just falls and their body's still standing up. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| And their body collapses. | ||
| Or you cut their arm off. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh! | |
| Yeah, imagine living in a day where that shit was going on all the time. | ||
| Oh my god, France! | ||
| In France, there were so many duels. | ||
| People would walk around with swords and there was a time in France where just, you'd see people with like, they'd lose, they'd have no ear, they'd have constant scars or no nose. | ||
| But you know, that was like a sort of a badge of honor for Nazis. | ||
| Nazis had dueling scars. | ||
|
unidentified
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Really? | |
| Did you know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Pull up Nazi dueling scars. | ||
| Now here's where it gets really weird. | ||
| A lot of the Operation Paperclip scientists that the United States brought over from Nazi Germany. | ||
| When Nazi Germany was defeated in World War II, the United States took on all their scientists and brought them over to work for NASA. Wernher von Braun. | ||
| Wernher von Braun, the head of NASA, was a fucking straight up, complete 100% Nazi. | ||
| In fact, the Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today, they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, he was a real Nazi. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Him and his cabinet, all those fucking guys they brought over, they all had these massive cheek scars. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they had scars all over their face. | ||
| From duels? | ||
| From duels. | ||
| They would wear goggles. | ||
| And they would wear some kind of protection on their body, and their faces would get sliced open. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they relished it. | ||
| It was like a cool thing to have, like a big scar on your face. | ||
| So who showed us that? | ||
| Do you remember who showed us that? | ||
| I don't know, but as I'm doing that, something popped up that I hadn't seen before. | ||
| It's actually called Modern Academic Fencing, or the Menser in German. | ||
| I love combat like that. | ||
| They're not just fighting to fight. | ||
| There's no winner or loser in it. | ||
| Well, that's interesting, but this what I want to see is just pull up the images of Nazi dueling scars because they're horrific like these guys like post duel with look at that one guy with the goggles on with his face slashed open See that down there? | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Look at that They'd cut their face like that. | ||
| Yeah, so you'd have something that covers your nose and your eyes. | ||
| And look at this, he's got a giant slash in his forehead, a giant slash on his face. | ||
| Yeah, see that guy with the blue arrow on his face? | ||
| Like that kind of shit, those scars on the faces, they would all have those. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Click on that guy right there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They all had those kind of scars on their face from dueling. | ||
| Look at that guy below him. | ||
| Right below him. | ||
| No, right below him. | ||
| Right below him. | ||
| The big image? | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
|
unidentified
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Jesus. | |
| Look at that guy's face. | ||
| See, they all had those kind of scars on their face, and it was like to let everyone know these were bad motherfuckers that would, you know, have duels with swords. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, it was really, really common, man. | ||
| Mensur, is that what you're talking about, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| M-E-N-S-U-R, and what's that stand for again? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's academic fencing. | |
| It was in college they did all this. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking crazy, man. | ||
| The bragging scar. | ||
| Menser scars or the bragging scar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But there's some horrific pictures of these guys post-match where they were trying to piece their face back together again. | ||
| And you could literally see inside their face, see their teeth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Damn! | ||
| Yeah, and it was really common and so a lot of the Nazis that they brought over from operation paperclip to run NASA had these fucking scars on their faces So they'd be sitting there with Wernher von Braun and JFK and you'd see this guy with his giant face scar Yeah, it's crazy Swords, man. | ||
| Yeah, and they had those long, I think it was called, what do they call it, a rapier or something like that? | ||
| Rapier, yeah. | ||
| A rapier. | ||
| Oh, it calls it paracere. | ||
| It's a different version of it. | ||
| But they had those long, pointy swords. | ||
| Yeah, so you could, you know, slice you apart. | ||
| It takes this. | ||
| Yeah, and your nose is gone. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck that. | |
| Yeah, fuck that. | ||
| But they all, like, wanted to get scarred up. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's like a cauliflower. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| It's all as old as time. | ||
| It's as old as time. | ||
| Young men. | ||
| Young men. | ||
| Wanting to be. | ||
| Wanting to prove. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| They went into battle. | ||
| Young men go into battle with full of ideas of linear ideas of duty and honor and glory. | ||
| And then, unfortunately, war can many times make a mockery of that. | ||
| War is obviously a fog and insane and chaotic and unfair and not linear and crazy and It's horrifying and all those things. | ||
| And lacks dignity and all those things. | ||
| You see that a lot. | ||
| It seems to me that when a lot of soldiers I've spoken to had real combat experience, when they come out of that, it's very difficult for them. | ||
| There's a lot to come to terms with, and sometimes they have a lot of trouble. | ||
| Bringing their life back into a linear way of thinking. | ||
| How could it go from one way of life where everything is life and death? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every corner you turn around, it could be the end. | ||
| Every day that you're out there could be the end. | ||
| Well, that's one thing. | ||
| Life and death is, again, linear and bilateral. | ||
| There are a lot of things that happen in war. | ||
| You keep saying winning by linear when you're saying that. | ||
| There are certain concepts. | ||
| When we, as human beings, I think most of us have a contract with life. | ||
| You know, you grow up and you say, if I work hard and I keep swinging, it's going to pay dividends, right? | ||
| And most of us live that way. | ||
| Most of us believe in fair play. | ||
| Like something about the universe is somewhat fair. | ||
| The universe rewards hustle. | ||
| The universe rewards, you know, we have these ideas and we have to believe in those ideas and usually we're right about it, right? | ||
| It's almost like we enter a game where we know I can jab and I can punch and I can hook, but sometimes you get fucking kicked in the face. | ||
| And you go, but that wasn't the role I was playing with. | ||
| It's like, hold on, I was boxing and you're doing MMA. And life does that to you. | ||
| Can do that to you to a point where you lose your faith in... | ||
| Who wrote Where the Wild Things Are? | ||
| I never forgot. | ||
| He said, are you a religious? | ||
| And he said, no, I'm an atheist. | ||
| The war took care of that for me. | ||
| You know, he saw too many things. | ||
| He saw too many children starve and die and all those things. | ||
| And I think that when things get bad enough in war, when you get that close to reality and that close to that chaos, Whatever contract you had gets shattered. | ||
| In fact, it gets mocked. | ||
| You are mocked by the insanity of it all. | ||
| And any notion, so when I say linear, what I mean is sort of like, I'll do this if you do this for me. | ||
| So it's a give and take, cause and effect. | ||
| Did you ever see Unforgiven? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| Do you remember when he kills Gene Hackman and Gene Hackman can't believe that he's going to die? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| It's not supposed to happen to him? | ||
|
unidentified
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Mm-hmm. | |
| That's what they say sociopaths. | ||
| When sociopaths get convicted of life, oftentimes what happens is they look up and they go, what? | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Me? | ||
| And it all comes down because of what a sociopath like that, a criminal sociopath, usually believes is it's impossible. | ||
| They'll never get caught because they're too smart. | ||
| Is it because they're too smart or they think the world revolves around them and so the idea of them being punished? | ||
| Well, Hitler, you know, according to a historian, I can't remember his name, Buchholz, he said, I think it was John Buchholz that said, Hitler was so colossally self-involved, self-centered, that he truly believed that when the war was lost, and he came to the realization that the war was lost, he expected Germany to self-emulate. | ||
| He expected Germany, all Germans, to burn themselves. | ||
| To kill themselves and light themselves on fire, essentially. | ||
| He expected that from the German people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because he was going to do it. | ||
| He actually said that? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And he was going to do that. | ||
| That is according to Buchholz, the historian who follows his stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
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Jesus Christ. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's not uncommon for the great sociopaths, the great... | ||
| I mean, if you think about Genghis Khan, he truly believed that, and almost did, That he could dominate and own the entire world. | ||
| These people like Alexander the Great and those kind of people who were clearly, I'm sure their enemies didn't think of them as so great. | ||
| But they had this force of nature, this ability to believe in themselves to the point where they were going to own the world. | ||
| And some of them almost did. | ||
| Well, if you think about it, any kind of thing where you're trying to conquer something, say if you have a small tribe and there's another tribe that's close to the river and they have more resources and you're in dispute with them and you try to conquer that tribe, that is one level of this game. | ||
| We're going to get our warriors together. | ||
| We're going to sneak in the middle of the night. | ||
| We're going to attack them. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But the point is, there's that level. | ||
| So let's not call it a game, but let's say this is an endeavor. | ||
| This is a thing that you're doing. | ||
| With anything that anybody does, some people take it way further, right? | ||
| Like some people try an open mic night, and they go, this is kind of interesting. | ||
| I'll do stand-up every now and then. | ||
| They do it once a month. | ||
| Other people, they get obsessed. | ||
| They do it every fucking day, and they do 10 sets a day, and they live in New York City, and they take fucking cabs everywhere, and Ubers, and they live it. | ||
| They're like Mark Norman, right? | ||
| They live it. | ||
| That's the same thing with war. | ||
| It's the same thing with everything. | ||
| Same thing with fighting. | ||
| Same thing with everything. | ||
| You know, some people just they become obsessed. | ||
| It becomes everything. | ||
| It becomes their everything. | ||
| And they don't care about anything else. | ||
| They don't care about other people. | ||
| They don't care about the environment. | ||
| Yeah, that's trying to get really good at something. | ||
| But I think some people try to literally remake the world in their image. | ||
| I think so too, but I think that obsession carries on. | ||
| I think the obsession to conquer a neighboring tribe or to take over a town or to conquer a city or a country or a continent, there's just weird things that people do where they take things as far as they can be taken. | ||
| And they do that even with war. | ||
| That scares the shit out of me with China. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| Oh, here's something I wanted to talk about. | ||
| This is something I sent you, Jamie. | ||
| That 20 million cell phone users are missing from China. | ||
| Where does that stat come from? | ||
| Is that an American stat? | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| They don't know if this means there's 20 million casualties, because it also coincides with their switch to 5G. They switched from 5G in January. | ||
| So from January to March, China lost 20 million cell phone users. | ||
| Now, what does that mean, though? | ||
| It's hard to tell, but I think you could safely say, whatever they say the casualty number is, is bullshit. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's pretty safe, because they've been bullshitting left and right about the whole thing. | ||
| You know, they go on Twitter, there's some branch of the government that's involved in propaganda that's trying to say this is a United States government creation. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| The Chinese are incredibly practical. | ||
| The Chinese, you know, a lot of people, and I'm speaking of the government, of course, I think when you live in a society that has been essentially communist or really at the mercy of a central authority and the all-powerful central authority for so long. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| It's also that's a society that treated religion with great disdain and suspicion. | ||
| So they didn't really have, even though there are small pockets of these different, but for the most part, I think when you forcibly rid a population of religion, What you are left with is something that takes its place. | ||
| Sure, an ideology like communism or whatever, but they're not really communists anymore. | ||
| But I do think what happens is you get a population that deals in practicality, that is, I'm sure, very good to each other when they know somebody, but also deals in things like cause and effect. | ||
| Not so much the over... | ||
| One of the things, a friend of mine, I'm speaking for a friend of mine who does a lot of business, billions of dollars in business with China. | ||
| And another friend, in fact, who does a lot of business with China did so and speaks fluent Chinese. | ||
| Both of them had something, an interesting observation, which was that when you speak about morality in a Judeo-Christian way, when you think about, you say, well, that's just the wrong way to do it. | ||
| That in dealing in business with a Chinese company is not necessarily – that's not really the way to approach business. | ||
| They are way more practical than that. | ||
| That doesn't mean that the average Chinese person is not moral or ethical. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But certainly you will get burned if you are playing by the rules that you are used to, which would be just don't do it because it's not the right thing to do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's not going to find its way a lot of times when you're dealing in commerce with China. | ||
| Well, you're dealing with a military dictatorship who thinks about things the same way they think about war. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| They are not our ally. | ||
| I believe they are our enemy. | ||
| I mean, they'll do whatever they can. | ||
| I think to get an upper hand. | ||
| They also now have enough wealth and they have a huge middle class where they can almost start, they're starting to become way more self-sufficient. | ||
| We don't have the symbiotic relationship we used to with China. | ||
| China doesn't need our consumers as much as they did, not even close. | ||
| They have their own consumers in their own country. | ||
| What's weird is that we need them. | ||
| What's weird is how much we need them for the manufacturing of medicine. | ||
| 97% of all our antibiotics. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| How did we ever let that happen? | ||
| China and India. | ||
| How did they ever let that happen? | ||
| Is it because they could save money? | ||
| It's more efficient. | ||
| Is it more efficient or is it more cost-effective? | ||
| They're better at making it. | ||
| But why? | ||
| Do they have magic? | ||
| No, yes. | ||
| Then why can't we do it? | ||
| Their factories are amazing. | ||
| They're incredibly efficient. | ||
| But the Chinese... | ||
| See, people worry about the Chinese. | ||
| I don't think they'll ever be in our area code as innovators. | ||
| They steal from us. | ||
| They take our intellectual property, etc. | ||
| But that'll always be a catch-up game. | ||
| And part of the reason, I think, is that I love the quote from Why Nations Fail. | ||
| I believe China, yes, they put their Uyghurs in concentration camps. | ||
| I went in Beijing. | ||
| The first thing they said is, you cannot speak about the government. | ||
| If you say anything about the government, you will be sent home. | ||
| Oh, and by the way, here's a cell phone, Brian. | ||
| You can use WeChat. | ||
| You're not using your iPhone. | ||
| When was this? | ||
| This was when I did a movie this summer, two summers ago. | ||
| So they gave you a phone to use. | ||
|
unidentified
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Uh-huh. | |
| And they said you can't use your phone. | ||
| And you don't get on Google. | ||
| You have to find thousands of firewalls. | ||
| You have to find all different ways to get over their firewalls because they control the internet there. | ||
| Make no mistake. | ||
| So can you use a VPN? I don't know what that is. | ||
| Virtual private network or ExpressVPN? | ||
| You try to do that and then they block that too, so you have to keep coming up with new ways. | ||
| I was right there with the production designer and assistant who was dealing with that issue. | ||
| So you're essentially at the mercy of their news. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| So here's the thing. | ||
| There's a great quote, and I've said it before probably even on this podcast, and I love it. | ||
| You can hold a gun to a man's head and make him move a box or a rock. | ||
| You cannot hold a gun to a man's head and make him have a great idea. | ||
| It's a great quote. | ||
| It's a great quote. | ||
| So China, Russia, you guys have great weapons and you have great power in manufacturing. | ||
| You will never be a country of great ideas because you oppress people and people can't give you motherfuckers the finger. | ||
| Xi is the most powerful man in China along with his people, his inner circle. | ||
| And if you, in any way, look at the whistleblowers. | ||
| Isn't it interesting that the whistleblowers, the original whistleblowers on the coronavirus are dead and they were doctors in their 30s. | ||
| Did they die of the disease? | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Or what happened? | ||
| A lot of them, a lot of the journalists, a lot of the journalists and a lot of those doctors were disappeared. | ||
| They just didn't, they're dead or they disappeared. | ||
| China can do that. | ||
| And somebody who lived there for their whole life, I was there, and he was an American and said, people get disappeared here all the time, dude. | ||
| You don't speak against the government. | ||
| It just doesn't happen. | ||
| And I think that's one of the great evils. | ||
| And that's what I worry about. | ||
| Anytime we have a pandemic like this, where the government can just shut you down, at the behest of scientists and doctors, I suppose. | ||
| But I get very worried when someone like Gavin Newsom can say, nobody's going back to work for a month. | ||
| I'm not saying that right now that isn't a sound policy. | ||
| I just get very worried when the government has that kind of power to shut all of us down without a discussion. | ||
| Once they start with that kind of totalitarian power, it's very difficult to turn that off. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It's for our own good. | ||
| If you study history, it's always for the people's good. | ||
| Well, that's what Edward Snowden is warning everybody about this now. | ||
| He should be. | ||
| Hitler, when he came to power, talked about that. | ||
| He said, I think there was a fire in the Reichstag. | ||
| And he used these emergency powers to suspend civil liberties. | ||
| They started the fire so that they could do that. | ||
| It was a false flag. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah, they did that. | ||
| It's the same way Nero burned Rome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Same reason. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the age-old, you know, so just... | ||
| Well, that's what the conspiracy theorists think that 9-11 was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good for them. | ||
| I don't mind their... | ||
| I appreciate their paranoia. | ||
| I think that's American. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I don't think that's a bad thing, and I think you should always be... | ||
| What's the fundamental question to political philosophy? | ||
| The fundamental question? | ||
| Who governs the governor? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Very important. | ||
| Yes, very important. | ||
| Who the fuck governs? | ||
| Who's governing the governor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't trust my government and I shouldn't. | ||
| No, you shouldn't. | ||
| It's also like people that have power, like the kind of unchecked power that you see in China, they're not going to give that up. | ||
| Career politicians. | ||
| They're going to fight for it. | ||
| They're going to fight for it. | ||
| Well, you see that with career politicians. | ||
| You see that with this bill that they're trying to pass to help people that are dealing with this coronavirus because they can't work and they're slipping all kinds of stuff in there. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| AOC and Bernie Sanders, they're all trying to... | ||
| Yeah, they're all slipping things in there about the environment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| It's like, hey guys, we want to fucking solve a problem. | ||
| Slipping into the stimulus package. | ||
| That is something that politicians do. | ||
| They utilize this moment to try to use it to leverage their own causes, their own pet causes, things that they think are also important. | ||
| There were a group of people that did that with the invasion of Iraq. | ||
| When 9-11 came along, they said, look, Iraq is harboring al-Qaeda terrorists. | ||
| They probably are getting weapons into the hands of people like al-Qaeda. | ||
| There was a whole story that was woven up, and that was a way of essentially crippling the fourth largest army in the world, which was Iraq, and making our allies. | ||
| Did you ever hear the Bill Hicks bit? | ||
| He goes, they said, Bill, Iraq is the fourth largest army. | ||
| He goes, yeah, but after the first three, there's a real big drop off. | ||
| He's like, the fifth largest is the Salvation Army. | ||
| It's so true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had a whole great bit about the size of armies. | |
| Well, we were in Afghanistan for, how long was it, guys? | ||
| 18 years. | ||
| He goes, hey, Bill, they say, Bill, it's a war when there's two armies fighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He goes, but Bill, Iraq is the fourth largest army in the world. | ||
| Doesn't mean we won't stay there. | ||
| He had some great bits, man. | ||
| Some great points about shit. | ||
| Thought outside the box. | ||
| That's what I'm always amazed at, is how these things can carry on. | ||
| Somebody did a really cool, funny thing about how every general in the Iraq, in the Afghanistan theater, every single... | ||
| Every single year would say, we are at a turning point where the Taliban will be under our control. | ||
| Every time they would make a case for the Iraq war, more money, I'm sorry, for the Afghan war, more money, more logistics, all those things that required more troops, the generals would say, we are, it was always the same wording, we're at a turning point And we just need a little more. | ||
| Well, that's what they have to say. | ||
| But what's interesting is if they really did accomplish that, they'd actually cut off the honeypot. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| They wouldn't have the money coming in. | ||
| That's the darkest conspiracy ever, that war is prolonged in order to prop up the military-industrial complex. | ||
| And what's really crazy about the military-industrial complex is when there was Eisenhower talking about it on TV, which was really terrifying. | ||
| That was when the first people were introduced to this concept. | ||
| But Trump was talking about it recently. | ||
| You know, Trump's doing this thing. | ||
| He's like, well, you know, this is a military-industrial complex and these guys want to go to war. | ||
| Like, he's just saying it sort of casually. | ||
| Like, hey, man, who are you talking about? | ||
| Like, who are these fucking people? | ||
| There's a lot of money in it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And not only that, there are other people, non-governmental organizations, too, that get raided by their burn rate. | ||
| So we're going to build a dam here. | ||
| Well, we don't need a dam here, but we're going to build it anyway because we're allotted that money. | ||
| There's a lot of that goes on. | ||
| So that's why with conspiracy theories, I'm way more apt to believe that the government is way more incompetent than it is competent. | ||
| It's just a massive, bloated bureaucracy that doesn't run well. | ||
| And I know, guys, I know there's a group of people controlling everything. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| There's a little bit of that. | ||
| There's definitely a lot of incompetence, but there's also a lot of collusion. | ||
| There's also a lot of people doing things specifically because they know it's profitable. | ||
| You can make money. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| And also, look what they're doing to Bernie Sanders to try to keep him from winning the DNC, or rather from winning the Democratic nomination. | ||
| They've conspired, and they put a guy who literally is going senile. | ||
| That's what's shocking to me. | ||
| In front of our eyes. | ||
| That's what's shocking. | ||
| And they're trying to pretend it's not happening. | ||
| How about Amy Klobuchar? | ||
| She's great. | ||
| She didn't know who the president of Mexico was. | ||
| She had no idea what his name was. | ||
| She's doing an interview with a guy from Mexico, a journalist. | ||
| But she's a smart woman who... | ||
| I just think she's way more moderate and she seems articulate. | ||
| You need some of this. | ||
| But Biden's 79. Listen, just because someone seems articulate doesn't mean they should be the president. | ||
| True. | ||
| If you don't know who the president of Mexico is, maybe you haven't done enough studying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know who the president of Mexico is? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I'm not trying to write for president. | ||
| I barely know the guy from Canada, the Trudeau guy. | ||
| I just know him because he's been busted with blackface. | ||
| I'm like, LOL. Well, his father was the longtime premier. | ||
| Listen, man, I don't think anybody should be president. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| I think it's a terrible idea. | ||
| I think there's no way you really can be responsible for all those things. | ||
| There's no way you could really be well-read on all the different variables and everything when it comes to economics, when it comes to the environment, when it comes to military operations, when it comes to the fucking... | ||
| Energy and industry. | ||
| There's no fucking way one person. | ||
| It should be a large group of people that essentially have no stake in the game. | ||
| It should be people that have no ability to profit whatsoever. | ||
| They get a healthy income and they cannot profit outside of that. | ||
| There should be some sort of a regulation. | ||
| And then after you're gone, it should be impossible for you to make speeches to banks where you get paid a half a million dollars. | ||
| Well, there's supposed to be a cooling off period. | ||
| And Elizabeth Warren wanted a two-year cooling valve period. | ||
| I think right now there's only a six-month or an eight-month. | ||
| If you work for the Department of Defense, you can't go back to Raytheon or Boeing. | ||
| You're not supposed to be able to go back for at least two years. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| And vice versa. | ||
| So two years, you go, man, two years, I'm going to be so rich. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| 24 months goes by quick. | ||
| Yes, it does. | ||
| It should be 200 years. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| It should be a large... | ||
| It should be like the Scientology contract. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where it's billions and billions of years. | ||
| You can never do it. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Yes, I know. | ||
| It's a billion-year contract. | ||
| That's a wonderful contract. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's enforceable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One billion. | ||
| One billion years. | ||
| One billion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah, man, I don't know. | ||
| Not that there's anything wrong with Amy Klobuchar. | ||
| Look, I think Tulsi Gabbard was the most interesting of all of them to me. | ||
| And they shut her out quick. | ||
| As soon as she sank Kamala Harris, like, danger. | ||
| Why did they shut her out, though? | ||
| Because of the Kamala Harris thing. | ||
| They wanted Kamala Harris to win. | ||
| And she sank her in one debate when she stated all those irrefutable facts. | ||
| And everybody was like, whoa, she's throwing bombs! | ||
| She did, didn't she? | ||
| And they fucking cut her out of the mix after that. | ||
| They cut her out of the mix quick. | ||
| It's interesting, man, because it's obviously not let's see who the people choose. | ||
| It's let's manipulate the opinions of the public. | ||
| This is what the whole game of running a campaign is. | ||
| Let's prop someone up. | ||
| Let's make them look great. | ||
| Let's have these ads with wonderful music and them standing there looking presidential. | ||
| And then even in spite of all that, you've got this poor guy in Joe Biden that is experiencing dementia. | ||
| Is he 77? | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| Yes, and Bernie's older than him. | ||
| Bernie's 80. He had a heart attack, right? | ||
| He had a heart attack while he was on camp. | ||
| That's a big problem. | ||
| Took a few days off and is like, we're back! | ||
| We're back in for the people! | ||
| Look, Bernie at least believes what he says. | ||
| He's also, though, one of the knocks on him is people are like, He's not interested, and if you ask him how you're going to pay for all this, you're talking about Bernie looks at the world as right and wrong, and it's a moral issue for him. | ||
| So, and he is, and he did take his honeymoon in the fucking Soviet Union. | ||
| Say what you will, I do believe the guy is essentially a closet communist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh! | |
| Yeah, I said it. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| I said it. | ||
| I said it. | ||
| And I always marvel at socialists, it's not... | ||
| Democratic socialists, it's a difference. | ||
| Yeah, but I still marvel at the idea that if you really trust government, Again, it comes down to, are they as efficient as the marketplace? | ||
| In some ways, they might be. | ||
| But in other ways, they may not be. | ||
| I don't know how... | ||
| They're not doing a great job with the homeless situation in California, are they? | ||
| It's the worst job ever. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They really fucked that up. | ||
| There are a lot of bad worst jobs. | ||
| I don't know if you could blame that on democratic socialists. | ||
| That's blamed on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not. | |
| It's actually a law that you can't remove someone from a place unless you have another place to bring them to. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| And it was a law to protect poor people and people that were harassed. | ||
| And then it became a homeless law. | ||
| And now you go into the underpasses. | ||
| And this is my thing that I've always said. | ||
| How come it's okay to litter for them? | ||
| They're basically littering. | ||
| They have junk stacked up. | ||
| If you throw a fucking coffee cup, rightly so, out a window, the cops should be able to pull you over and give you a fucking ticket. | ||
| And you should have to pay that goddamn ticket. | ||
| But if you were just... | ||
| Tent and you have boxes and shit and cardboard all over the place. | ||
| You're allowed to do that and people have to leave you alone. | ||
| It's not good for them. | ||
| It's not good for anybody to allow these gigantic homeless encampments to appear under bridges. | ||
| And I don't know what the solution is, but I just think that alone, like if you put that on the governor or the president or the mayor, Goddamn, that's a problem. | ||
| That's a problem that's gonna take so much money. | ||
| It comes from opiates, it comes from mental illness. | ||
| They're already 40 or 50 or whatever they are. | ||
| What are you gonna fix them? | ||
| Do you know how hard it is to fix a person who's kind of got their shit together? | ||
| How hard is it to get Bert Kreischer to stop drinking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so fucking true. | |
| How hard is it to get a person who's got their shit together but has a problem? | ||
| Like, can't stop smoking cigarettes. | ||
| Can't stop gambling. | ||
| How many fucking people do you know that are like that? | ||
| All of our friends have one thing that they're just like fucking compelled. | ||
| Now imagine compounding that to 70,000 people that are at the bottom end of it. | ||
| So instead of at the top end of it, someone who makes a good living, who has a family and has life insurance and is also a fuck up. | ||
| Instead of that... | ||
| You've got someone who's never had anything. | ||
| And people have been fucking them over their whole life. | ||
| And they've been on drugs since they were young. | ||
| And they were sexually abused and physically abused. | ||
| And they went to juvenile home. | ||
| And maybe they were in foster care. | ||
| And they were beaten and abused. | ||
| And then here they are at 40. Their brains literally changed. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's an amazing fucking book by this guy named Joe Newman called Raising Lions. | ||
| I just read it. | ||
| Man, I wish I'd read this book when my kids were three. | ||
| This guy, they bring this guy in. | ||
| So in the past, I don't know if you know this, but in the past 10 years, Bipolar disorder in children has been diagnosed 40 fold. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| Now that doesn't mean, and you know what the solution is typically in the psychiatric ward? | ||
| Medication, medication, then medication. | ||
| That's the third option. | ||
| And Joe Newman comes in a lot of times. | ||
| It's a fucking great book. | ||
| And he comes in and essentially will say, this kid's throwing tantrums and is impossible to deal with because he is profiting or she is profiting from that behavior. | ||
| Kids are way smarter than you think they are. | ||
| And he instills sort of a very, very interesting approach that I've used. | ||
| I fucking love the book. | ||
| It's a short, small book. | ||
| But when you think about, without going into the book and stuff, the reason I bring it up is when you think about, you can change. | ||
| You can literally change a child's brain. | ||
| By instilling certain behaviors, certain boundaries, certain protocols as a parent, as an adult, as an educator. | ||
| Because what you do is you get them to exercise self-control. | ||
| You get them to exercise a form of mood stabilization for themselves. | ||
| But you have to do it in a certain way. | ||
| When you don't do that with children, when you let them go crazy, freak out, and put them inside isolation rooms, a lot of times what we'll do is we'll There's nothing we're doing wrong. | ||
| We're not doing anything wrong as adults. | ||
| We're reasoning with them. | ||
| We're talking to them. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What we'll do is we'll medicate them because they're out of control. | ||
| And there is a window with children where you can actually let them keep going down that path and they are basically... | ||
| And then you put them on these mood stabilizers. | ||
| You put them on psychotics. | ||
| You put them on anticonvulsive drugs. | ||
| Sometimes they're on four medications that are in a row. | ||
| And he's had great success coming in and changing all that because what happened was you just weren't getting the kid to exercise the muscles of self-control. | ||
| And there's a way to do that. | ||
| It's very simple, a very interesting book. | ||
| But what I'm saying is that there is a fucking window with kids where if you don't get to certain kids at a certain time with a good behaviorist, You're in deep fucking shit, and their whole life spirals out of control, and then it goes into substance abuse and everything else. | ||
| So you're talking about now adults who've had all that abuse? | ||
| I mean, I don't know what you would do. | ||
| I really don't know what the fuck you would do, because they're self-medicating to begin with. | ||
| They're self-medicating to begin with. | ||
| They've been addicted to drugs most of their lives, or all of their behavior has been formed while they're addicted to drugs. | ||
| This is a giant problem with people that are In their 40s and 50s who've been drug abusers their whole life. | ||
| Imagining a world with no drugs and no escape from reality and having to be accountable for your actions and then also having to deal with the things that have been done to you. | ||
| And to try to figure out a way to heal from your childhood and your life is over. | ||
| Your body's starting to fail you, right? | ||
| You've been abusing yourself for all these years. | ||
| And the idea that there's some simple solution to dealing with 70,000 people at various stages of that that are currently homeless. | ||
| Some of them that may be able to recover pretty quickly. | ||
| They're just on the street for a little bit. | ||
| They're going to get their shit together and they're going to get out of this. | ||
| They're determined. | ||
| There's a lot of people like that. | ||
| I think people vary widely. | ||
| Of course they do. | ||
| They vary so much. | ||
| But the addiction rate, if you look at the people that really follow this, the addiction rate and the amount of mental illness is very high. | ||
| Very high. | ||
| And I think, this is where I think, like in Singapore, you'd never, in Singapore they'd just start to be put in homes. | ||
| Terrific. | ||
| I do think that there's something humane about taking people who are rolling their own shit up in a ball. | ||
| Look, I mean, by the way, you know, schizophrenics, those people need to be taken care of. | ||
| And they need to be... | ||
| I don't think it's a terrible thing to show up in a padded wagon and take them into a protective... | ||
| Be careful with that, though. | ||
| Be careful with that. | ||
| Someone might say you're fucking crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Scoop you up. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's why it was unconstitutional. | ||
| Well, yeah, that's why you move the boundaries, right? | ||
| And this is the argument against what we're saying, right? | ||
| You move the boundaries in any direction where it's not total freedom, and then it can slide further from there. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| How do you define mental illness, right? | ||
| So that's when you say, well, you're mentally ill, so you can't own a gun. | ||
| Well, people go, well, how do you define mental illness? | ||
| You define that as, I had an anger management issue at my work once. | ||
| I suffer from depression. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| How about the most polarizing? | ||
| Religion versus no religion. | ||
| There's people that think that if you are religious, that you have a mental health issue. | ||
| And there's people who are religious that think that if you're an atheist, you have a mental health issue. | ||
| This is like a very polarizing line in the sand that I've heard argued by intelligent people. | ||
| I've never heard that. | ||
| I've seen intelligent people that have blinders on that think that if you're an atheist, you're a fool, and you probably have a mental illness, and you probably have this extreme belief in science above God and above the laws of the Bible, and they'll say it in this articulate way, like, God damn, this guy believes that. | ||
| He really believes that all atheists have a mental health problem. | ||
| So if you get a person who's in a position of power that can also run this ideology, they have this ideology, like one of the things that almost all presidents do, but particularly right-wing presidents, ever since Reagan started introducing the religious aspect of the right into politics, they made it a big deal during the Reagan campaign. | ||
| You see that so many presidents, particularly on the right, They have to talk about God. | ||
| They have to. | ||
| They have to talk about God. | ||
| It's a Christian nation, still. | ||
| You bring people in. | ||
| You're on my side. | ||
| I'm not on the God side. | ||
| And you see that argument argued by many people who are like fevered Trump supporters. | ||
| The really, really wacky ones are like super into God wanting Trump to be our president. | ||
| And then you get this group of people. | ||
| Well, if they get into power, And you've got some law in place that says that if you're mentally ill, you can be locked up. | ||
| How many steps does it have to take before it slides to you? | ||
| It might only take a few. | ||
| Yeah, and I agree. | ||
| Where I like religious thought in discourse and even in policy, it's limited, but I do like the idea that When you think that you can get human beings out of all problems using human rationality, mathematics and science, you better be careful with that too. | ||
| Because you can use math and rationality to justify some pretty horrific things as the Soviets and the Nazis did and everybody else. | ||
| So there is something really, really cool about – and Yuval Harari comes in on this and so does Jonathan Haidt. | ||
| There is something really kind of – One of the things Jonathan Haidt says, we're all religious. | ||
| All human beings are religious. | ||
| Some people are just religious about science. | ||
| Some people are religious about rationality at all costs. | ||
| Some people are religious about nutrition. | ||
| So you've got to take an inventory of your own brain and how your belief system works as well. | ||
| Politics are as close to religion as you can get. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| There's also rewards for adhering to one or the other ideology, especially in an aggressive way, because then you get rewarded for being the watchdog of either right-wing values or left-wing values, progressive values, conservative values. | ||
| I suffer from it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We all do, man. | ||
| People have done it. | ||
| It's a thing that we do. | ||
| There's a reward there. | ||
| You pick it up. | ||
| Well, I got a kick out of this COVID thing. | ||
| Whenever somebody says socialist, I go like this. | ||
| I go, keep them away. | ||
| Get them away. | ||
| No socialists. | ||
| And I have a very visceral reaction to people like AOC or Bernie Sanders because I think that they're socialists, right? | ||
| But having said that, this COVID disaster, which nobody saw coming, Crippled the economy. | ||
| I know people who are very market-oriented people who said, we need this fucking $2 trillion stimulus. | ||
| That's a socialist measure. | ||
| I was looking for the government for a bailout. | ||
| I don't need it, but I want that $2 trillion in the system that had to be mandated by government politicians. | ||
| And in a COVID-19 scenario, guess what? | ||
| I'm a bit of a socialist. | ||
| You know, I find myself going... | ||
| That's why I think the idea of there being one or the other, these are two complex... | ||
| It's too many super complex issues to lump on one side or the other. | ||
| It's too hard. | ||
| A person who's an expert on financial intervention or industry intervention to provide medical equipment to deal with the respiratory virus that hits people at an unprecedented rate, that's not a left-wing or right-wing thing. | ||
| That's a thing. | ||
| And if that gets lumped into socialism versus libertarianism, we got a fucking real problem. | ||
| Because that's a good idea for everybody. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, Jordan Peterson said something I never forgot. | ||
| He said, when you get down to the level of detail, when you're trying to solve problems, get food on, you know, get a lot of protein and carbohydrates and fats into the... | ||
| Let's say 300 million human bodies or just running a restaurant or whatever it is when you're trying to get something done, get manufacturing of medicines away from China and the United States. | ||
| When you get to the level of detail, left wing and right wing politics seem to go out the fucking window. | ||
| You're dealing with practicality now. | ||
| We've got to get a job done. | ||
| And I don't know if you're into fucking geese or if you're a trans. | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| Can you do the job well? | ||
| Let's get this job done. | ||
| And then we can talk about the other stuff. | ||
| That's kind of what happens. | ||
| I noticed in a war zone when I was in Afghanistan... | ||
| I don't say Afghanistan anymore. | ||
| How come? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You became less authentic? | ||
| I like to be more American. | ||
| When I was in Afghanistan, I remember none of the soldiers would talk politics. | ||
| None of them. | ||
| They were like, I don't talk about that right now. | ||
| I got a job to do. | ||
| I got a job to do. | ||
| I know what my mission is and that's the way it is. | ||
| So when you get to the level of details, a lot of times, it's what I think a lot of times when you deal with people who live in a real world where they have to make a profit with their business or whatever they do when they live in the real world, they tend to be more moderate to maybe more market-oriented. | ||
| And when you get people that have been in an academic setting their whole life, In a political setting, their whole life where they make laws and you have academics that come up with theories to support those laws, they tend to be a little bit less practical, a little bit more theoretical, just by the nature of how they live their lives on a daily basis. | ||
| You know, it's interesting. | ||
| I was just thinking this while I was talking about these complex issues. | ||
| Like, why are we voting For a person, like one individual leader that handles all those things. | ||
| Why instead isn't there a vote for the person who's got the best solution to each of those individual problems? | ||
| And those are the people that run the country. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I do. | ||
| I mean, the idea that- I love that. | ||
| It seems like that's a possible idea. | ||
| You mean, so you'd get an economic stud, somebody made a lot of money to run the economy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, you get an economic president. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes, you get a war president. | ||
| Well, that's why I like Mitt Romney in a lot of ways. | ||
| Guy was fucking, you know, an economic stud. | ||
| He had a lot of stuff. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But they hold that against you now. | ||
| Also Mexican. | ||
| He is? | ||
| His dad's Mexican. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| His dad tried to run for president because his dad was born in Mexico. | ||
| He couldn't run for president. | ||
| I thought he was white as could be. | ||
| Well, he is. | ||
| Because he came from the Mormons who escaped and moved to Mexico so they can boink! | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boink! | |
| They wanted to have all these wives. | ||
| Let's keep this party rolling. | ||
| Wow, big Mexican community down there. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| And that was the big story with the cartel. | ||
| They slaughtered nine of them, including women and children. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Did they ever find those guys? | ||
| Did they ever find out why? | ||
| They don't. | ||
| I don't think they have a definitive answer, obviously, because everyone's dead. | ||
| But I think they either did it because they were always in dispute with those people from the Mormon colonies. | ||
| Or because they mistook them for someone who was in another rival gang. | ||
| It's hard to tell. | ||
| The cartel, they're not big on interviews after they murder people. | ||
| So I don't know what happened. | ||
| I don't know if the people that shot them were punished by the cartel. | ||
| That was something that Ed Calderon said that would probably happen. | ||
| They would do it publicly because they don't want to start a war. | ||
| But look, the whole thing's crazy. | ||
| We've got a giant multi-billion dollar drug industry that's connected to us. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about legalizing it? | ||
| How's the fucking war going? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not like that. | |
| Like, imagine if you had to choose between, like, what are your big problems? | ||
| Is your big problem the massive amounts of drugs that are coming into the country that are killing people and addicting people? | ||
| Or is it important to hold it down in Afghanistan, some places on the other side of the planet? | ||
| You've got a place that's connected to you that's directly affecting people, like in this really weird way. | ||
| The best thing I ever heard Bill Maher say, the best thing was when he said, terrorism isn't going to kill you, America. | ||
| It's the corn syrup and all the shitty food you eat. | ||
| He's right! | ||
| He is right. | ||
| Fucking diabetes! | ||
| I don't know if it's him writing or his monologue writers, but they make some great points like that. | ||
| Those monologues that he does for real time, he makes some great points. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Funny shit, too. | ||
| But we have a problem in that whenever you tell someone that they can't do something, which I don't agree with at all. | ||
| Don't get me wrong about this whole drug issue. | ||
| I don't think you should be able to tell a guy who's 60 years old he can't do meth. | ||
| That fucking guy wants to do math. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I agree. | |
| He should be able to do math. | ||
| Here's the question is, should it be okay for you to sell him math? | ||
| Well, that's where it gets weird, because I know you're a piece of shit if you're selling math. | ||
| You're selling this poor guy math? | ||
| You know he doesn't need math, Brian. | ||
| He needs a hug. | ||
| This is what would happen. | ||
| If you made all drugs legal, they'd get zoned, they'd get taxed, there would be ways to do it. | ||
| Look, you want to do math? | ||
| The conversation would be like this. | ||
| It'd be exactly like this. | ||
| You want to do meth. | ||
| First of all, if you want to work for my company, no meth. | ||
| I got a private company, no meth. | ||
| You can't do meth. | ||
| I know it sounds crazy, but you're not an efficient worker. | ||
| You want to be a pilot? | ||
| No meth. | ||
| You want to be a cop? | ||
| No meth. | ||
| You want to work in my factory, heavy machinery? | ||
| No meth. | ||
| Video games, I mean, maybe it'll help you, but if you want to lose your teeth, go ahead, you fucking idiot, go ahead. | ||
| So I think, again, cocaine. | ||
| We're going to have very pure cocaine, and guess what? | ||
| To get it from leaf to powder, less murder. | ||
| No murder, in fact. | ||
| How's that sound? | ||
| It's locally sourced. | ||
| How's that sound? | ||
| You can do your blow. | ||
| And again, you want to do blow. | ||
| I got to wake up in the morning. | ||
| I can't be up all night. | ||
| I would love to do blow. | ||
| I love blow. | ||
| I can't do it because- How many times have you done it? | ||
| Probably five, six times in my life. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| And you love it, and you've never done it more than that? | ||
| It's the best drug of all time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's the best drug of all time. | ||
| Again, the joke is when two people are doing blow, they start a business together. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, let's just fucking open a candle store. | ||
| And it sounds like the best idea in the world. | ||
| But I don't do blow. | ||
| I'm not a drug guy. | ||
| I don't have time. | ||
| But the point is, if you had a place I could go, and it was pure, and it wasn't cut with a bunch of shit I don't know about, and I knew I could do it and fucking talk to my friend or have sex with some, you know, whatever it is, Maybe. | ||
| If I had time. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But if there was consistency. | ||
| Give me the responsibility. | ||
| If there was consistency. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if all drugs that were dangerous were illegal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Then maybe I could kind of get your point, but how many people die of overdoses every year of prescription drugs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot! | |
| A lot! | ||
| How many people abuse prescription drugs? | ||
| A lot! | ||
| And alcohol! | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Alcohol, which is one of the most destructive drugs and one of the most readily available. | ||
| And it's an essential that's open while we're keeping social distancing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alcohol. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So again, I ask you, tell me the difference. | ||
| So what we've done is supported a horrific criminal enterprise all over the world in all of Latin America. | ||
| And we continue to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so many innocent Mexican women and children and men and businesses and lives destroyed and so many Central American lives. | ||
| And it's just destroyed the fabric of those societies. | ||
| You're supposed to take care of this problem, and coronavirus, and the economy, and healthcare, and you're running for re-election, and North Korea, and Germany, and this, and that. | ||
| What? | ||
| All right. | ||
| I make all drugs legal. | ||
| I think that is a logical way of looking at it. | ||
| But I think that the growing pains of that would be people would lose their fucking minds at you if they lost their children during the growing pains. | ||
| And they can attribute their child overdosing on heroin because their son bought it legally and left it in the house and now someone's dead. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And you'd have that. | ||
| And I think you'd have a lot less of that. | ||
| Eventually. | ||
| I think eventually. | ||
| I'd have a lot of this heroin would be regulated. | ||
| When you went to a store and bought heroin, just like with weed, you'd know exactly what you were getting. | ||
| You weren't getting a hot shot. | ||
| You were getting no what's the other fentanyl. | ||
| You'd know exactly what you were getting. | ||
| I'd have it. | ||
| I'd have a place you could do it if you wanted. | ||
| It'd be all kinds of stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then by the way, and you can't sustain that habit. | ||
| The people that are junkies would be junkies anyway, but at least there'd be a place, it would be a safe place for them to go and get it, maybe to do it like they do in Zurich. | ||
| But more importantly, I legalize all fucking drugs 'cause I don't know, 'cause this war on drugs ain't going so well. | ||
| There'd be a lot less murder, I'll tell you that in my opinion. - Well, we would need someone to figure out, first of all, how do you have less people that are, That's another Ed Calderon thing. | ||
| How do you have less people that are even interested in doing heroin? | ||
| Like, we've obviously done something terribly wrong if we have people that are interested in heroin. | ||
| Like, why are people willing to do drugs, like Crocodile? | ||
| You know that shit that people were shooting at their body that was making their... | ||
| That's the real problem. | ||
| In fixing it with a patch, Left or right oriented patch. | ||
| Be careful with the tip of that thing. | ||
| The knife pokes through it, stab me in the hand. | ||
| I love it so much. | ||
| That's a gift from Ed. | ||
| He's the same guy who brought me the death whistle. | ||
| I want a knife, dude. | ||
| Please give me one of these. | ||
| I want to carry this with me. | ||
| I figured out how to death whistle. | ||
| You just blow on it. | ||
| You don't have to cup it with your hands. | ||
| You're not as good as me. | ||
| I'd give it to you, but there's social distancing rules. | ||
| Give me that shit. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I was gonna say. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| People are watching. | ||
| We set a bad example. | ||
| That's true, actually. | ||
| But that's what I'm saying. | ||
| I mean, imagine someone who has to take care of each one of those things. | ||
| Yeah, it's a motherfucker. | ||
| Each one of those things is ridiculous. | ||
| A president of the homeless. | ||
| This one guy. | ||
| But we do that. | ||
| We have drug czars. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't have the kind of power that I'm going to give them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to give them presidential power. | ||
| I don't think one person should be able to let people out of jail and do this and move that. | ||
| What if we had one person that stays in his fucking lane? | ||
| What are you really good at? | ||
| But we have an energy secretary. | ||
| We have an education secretary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, I know. | |
| But they work in this cabinet. | ||
| What I'm saying is like a king of immigration. | ||
| This is the king. | ||
| This is the person. | ||
| The queen of immigration. | ||
| The queen of environment. | ||
| Not even the environment. | ||
| You changed the title. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So female wins it. | ||
| So you think giving apologists more power is the answer? | ||
| Kings and queens. | ||
| Entice them into the job. | ||
| I don't like this idea. | ||
| Well, call it a president. | ||
| Call it the head of. | ||
| We do. | ||
| We have czar. | ||
| Czar is fucking a king. | ||
| But no one big guy. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm talking about... | ||
| Do you know what czar means? | ||
| It's there. | ||
| They write the budget. | ||
| They do everything. | ||
| Yeah, but doesn't Czar come from, so you have the drug Czar, you've got the education. | ||
| Czar comes from Caesar, right? | ||
| Isn't that Russian for Caesar? | ||
| The king? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| It's a Russian name. | ||
| It's a dope name. | ||
| The Czar. | ||
| Anytime you can say Czar. | ||
| Czar. | ||
| C-Z-A-R. I'd love to be a Czar. | ||
| When I made a drug Czar, I was like, what? | ||
| I'll be the sex Czar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Russian emperor. | |
| What's that? | ||
| I know it means Russian Emperor, but I think Tsar means Caesar, doesn't it? | ||
| I think the root is... | ||
| If you had one person in this country that was autonomous, they didn't need the approval of the top president guy. | ||
| They just had a thing to solve. | ||
| They don't need his... | ||
| No, no, no, that'd be a terrible idea. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you have people... | ||
| For every different thing? | ||
| Well, I mean, think about an education queen. | ||
| I mean, look at Betsy DeVos. | ||
| She's got her ideas on how to run classrooms, but there's massive pushback from teachers and everybody else. | ||
| So I can fix that real easy. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Which one loves Jesus? | ||
| She gets to kill people. | ||
| Now you're talking. | ||
| Which one loves Jesus? | ||
| Because that's the one I'm voting for. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I heard that argument about George W. Someone said, well, George W. is with Jesus, so I'm with George W. Wow. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's how you get in. | ||
| You want to be the education czar? | ||
| What do you want? | ||
| I'm teaching a bunch of fucking pagans about Zeus and shit? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's changing. | ||
| We need our Jesus. | ||
| Technology. | ||
| All the way back, technology with the Enlightenment, as you were able to predict the movement of the planets. | ||
| That was radical. | ||
| That went, hey wait, the Bible doesn't tell us that. | ||
| This guy, Halley, Albert Halley was able to predict Halley's Comet or Newton or Copernicus or Galileo who are proving this stuff mathematically. | ||
| They were revolutionaries. | ||
| Holy fuck! | ||
| It was so outrageous, but the church was like, wait a minute, this is destroying the existence of God. | ||
| When Einstein came along and said time and space are relative depending on how fast you're moving, what? | ||
| Think about how important education is, right? | ||
| It's the most important thing. | ||
| And just giving someone tools to shape their mind. | ||
| Now think of it in terms of the prestige that you get as being just a high school teacher. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| You're doing one of the most important services to a young mind. | ||
| You're teaching them. | ||
| Literally filling their minds with information. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine if someone was in charge of education in this country who could convince everybody, who had a real philosophy and a real strategy for educating kids and talked about it in a way like, this is how we're going to make it. | ||
| We do have that. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| One person who's the president of education. | ||
| Goddammit, you're about this one person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| One person can't solve these problems. | ||
| We elect them. | ||
| We elect them. | ||
| It'd be a terrible idea because now you're creating a bunch of little presidents. | ||
| Who's going to be the president of education? | ||
| You need the wisdom of crowds. | ||
| Yeah, but this is the crowds. | ||
| They all get together. | ||
| Then you have to have open debate. | ||
| The president can't have all power. | ||
| What? | ||
| No, this is my new take on it. | ||
| We need dictators that are benevolent. | ||
| My god. | ||
| You're a monarchist. | ||
| You fucking monarchist. | ||
| Imagine if that's a strategy. | ||
| Joe Rogan the monarchist. | ||
| Imagine if that's what really works. | ||
| That's what used to happen. | ||
| The king had divine power. | ||
| You just have one really nice person who runs the whole thing. | ||
| One nice person. | ||
| One really nice person. | ||
| I don't believe in nice people. | ||
| I don't think they exist. | ||
| I believe human beings are... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you're nice. | |
| But you are one of the nicest people I know. | ||
| I am a nice person. | ||
| So that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| But I'd be a terrible cop. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I've had to kick people out of your life. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Because I'm like, hey man. | ||
| I trust everybody and I love everybody. | ||
| You love everybody. | ||
| You let everybody in. | ||
| I got fucked over recently. | ||
| Badly. | ||
| Financially. | ||
| I know you did. | ||
| And I was like, eh, fuck it. | ||
| Dude, there's a couple of times in your life where I've had to pull you aside. | ||
| I'm like, hey fucker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be telling you this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's time to run, son! | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| I am... | ||
| I suppose I'm... | ||
| I'd be a very bad cop because I'd be like, what happened? | ||
| Your dad hit you? | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Alright, I'm gonna let you go, but goddammit if you do that, I'm so mad. | ||
| Don't shoot anybody else. | ||
| Promise me. | ||
| I'll let you go. | ||
| No, certain things I'd have no mercy for, though. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Yeah, and that's the thing, right? | ||
| There's like things that people can do where you're like, you know, child murder. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| See you later. | ||
| No coming back. | ||
| See you later. | ||
| There's things like that. | ||
| Even if I catch you with a large trove of child pornography, what am I going to do, dude? | ||
| If that's really what turns you on, I don't know what to do. | ||
| Have you seen one of the weird, you know, because progressive ideology, right, like we were talking about before, really is in some ways is a religion. | ||
| Just like conservative ideologies, it takes on some of the characteristics of a religion. | ||
| There was people predicting this, but almost in jest that one day people that are so progressive, they would look at people who are pedophiles and saying that this is just who they are. | ||
| This is their sexual programming, like how they are as a person, and we shouldn't judge them by who they are. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I can even... | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| I'll grant you that. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| So let's say with like Robert Sapolsky's work or people like this who are studying this stuff. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| I don't think people choose to be pedophiles. | ||
| What happens is they wake up and they go, I have this irrational attraction to children. | ||
| Okay, so you're attracted to let's say toddlers or something horrible. | ||
| Now, I grant you that your brain works this way. | ||
| I still can't have you... | ||
| If you have these impulses, I can't have you out in society, bro. | ||
| Now, if you want to volunteer for castration or if there's a way to get you to not have these urges, now we can talk. | ||
| But if I don't know how to mitigate or erase that kind of deep-seated programming, you've got to go away. | ||
| I've got to know where you are at all times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is why we incarcerate these people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so it's I think we're going to be facing that exact question. | ||
| We're going to be saying it. | ||
| The more we learn about the brain and that we're going to be realizing you are programmed a certain way. | ||
| OK. | ||
| We all are. | ||
| Now, to what degree? | ||
| If you listen to Sam Harris, Sam doesn't even believe in free will. | ||
| Sam will tell you, we have no control over the mechanics of how we make a decision. | ||
| When did it start? | ||
| I mean, what happened? | ||
| Sapolsky's book Behave is about this. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I still can't run a society that gives free reign to people that cause destructive harm. | ||
| You know the story about there was a guy who had a tumor in his brain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the tumor was literally turning him into a pedophile. | ||
| He has the tumor removed. | ||
| They prove it. | ||
| They prove the tumor's there. | ||
| He has the tumor removed. | ||
| All these thoughts go away. | ||
| They come back a few years later. | ||
| They do another MRI and they find out the tumor's returned. | ||
| Like, what do you do with that? | ||
| Because there's a guy like you almost... | ||
| He got sick. | ||
| He literally got sick and that sickness led to him being a criminal. | ||
| You can have a lesion on your brain the size of the head of a pin. | ||
| If it's in the right part of your brain, it will turn you into a homicidal maniac. | ||
| We know these things. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The head of a pin? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| In fact, it's in a series of lectures in The Great Ideas of Psychology. | ||
| And it's really fascinating that you can, by Daniel Robinson or David Robinson, an amazing guy. | ||
| But yeah, and there is that case. | ||
| And there have been cases of this. | ||
| We know that there are parts of the brain when damaged can cause you to be fucking, you know, a maniac. | ||
| Imagine if they did that. | ||
| What if they did that to people? | ||
| Like if you really wanted to be the ultimate soldier and they had like a part of your brain that turns you into a berserker and they would just hit that switch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they say that a lot of, they do psyche evals on high-level operators. | ||
| And some of those people are able to shut off certain parts of their... | ||
| You know, they can be great fathers and husbands and brothers, and they can also shut off. | ||
| And when it's time to shut that off, everybody dies. | ||
| And they can... | ||
| It's called... | ||
| You can deviate. | ||
| It's called... | ||
| There's a term for it, like sociopath. | ||
| You can deviate into a sociopath. | ||
| You can deviate into that space and then come back. | ||
| You can make the decisions that have to be made and then come back to morality. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think a lot of us can do that. | ||
| If you have an ideology, if you're protecting your homeland or whatever it might be, that's a formidable soldier who's trying to protect what he loves. | ||
| Well, and who faces the reality of the necessity of that. | ||
| Like, runs into really bad people in parts of the world that really are torturing and murdering people and making videos and putting them up on YouTube. | ||
| Like, you run into those kind of people and you actually see them in the world. | ||
| You see the damage they're doing to people in the real world. | ||
| I know a lot of soldiers who felt that way, who saw that shit, and they were like, listen, man, that's why I killed him and I slept well last night, you know? | ||
| There's something about what's going on now for all of us where there's this massive wake-up call as to the frailty of our society, how poorly we've thought out all the consequences of any sort of global pandemic or any natural disaster, how ill-prepared we are. | ||
| And this is a good opportunity to wake up and look at what we're doing and look how fucking soft we are. | ||
| Like, it's fine to be nice. | ||
| It's fine to be nice. | ||
| Well, have you noticed that now we're in this pandemic and you don't hear... | ||
| There's not a lot of talk about progressive... | ||
| No. | ||
| Ideas and equality. | ||
| Well, the real progressive ideas you're seeing from people like nurses and doctors and healthcare workers that are putting their fucking, their physical health on the line, taking care of these people and some of them are dying. | ||
| You're seeing people that are chipping in and food shelters and food kitchens and trying to feed people that are poor. | ||
| You're seeing people, there's a lot of people putting together GoFundMes. | ||
| The comedy store is putting together a fund right now to pay for the waitstaff. | ||
| There's all these different things that are happening that are people putting together that are happening organically. | ||
| This is what we want. | ||
| What we don't want is mandated Charity. | ||
| Mandated socialism. | ||
| Mandated. | ||
| And that's what people have a problem with. | ||
| Because what they're worried about is, in great times, in times that things are amazing, we're worried about people who don't want to do their share. | ||
| We're worried about people where you've created a simple, easy path for them. | ||
| And they've taken it every time and time again. | ||
| They're lazy and they don't want to do any work. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| There's people that are like that. | ||
| That's different than what we're experiencing now. | ||
| What we're experiencing now is the best case scenario for human nature in terms of the outpouring of generosity that you get from a lot of these people that are trying to help other folks that are in need. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to have some negative stories. | ||
| You're going to have that, too. | ||
| But what this really is is a wake-up call is that we've had it... | ||
| Really, really, really easy. | ||
| And because of that, we were finding things to be outraged at. | ||
| And the people that experienced real strife in their life and real difficulty, they get angry at that stuff. | ||
| And they get angry at that stuff for a reason. | ||
| Because self-indulgence is fucking dangerous. | ||
| Because it's catchy and because you tell all your friends that y'all have a good point. | ||
| The government should just fucking pay us. | ||
| We should just get paid. | ||
| Why do these billionaires have money? | ||
| There should be no billionaire. | ||
| How about good grammar being racist? | ||
| Because if you correct somebody's grammar, maybe that person didn't have the education and therefore you're being racist because maybe that person of color doesn't use the kind of grammar that's standard English. | ||
| This is a new idea too. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of these new ideas that people look for things to be outraged about. | ||
| Well, it's hard to get food, and again, right now, the power's still on. | ||
| Okay, right now, everything is at least three-quarters of what it was, minus the unemployment, right? | ||
| You're stuck at home, but you're with the people that you love. | ||
| You can talk to them on your phone. | ||
| You can watch Netflix. | ||
| You can do a lot of shit still. | ||
| You can't go to restaurants. | ||
| You can't go to movies. | ||
| You can't go to work, but you're kind of still around, and then you've got your financial issues. | ||
| What if it went one step further? | ||
| Do we not understand how fucking fragile this is? | ||
| What if it went one step further? | ||
| One rock from the sky slams into Chicago. | ||
| One big-ass fucking mile-wide rock slams into Chicago. | ||
| Or a volcano. | ||
| Or a volcano in Montana that won't stop bubbling. | ||
| How about that Yellowstone thing that's a giant caldera that's 300 kilometers wide or something stupid like that. | ||
| Supervolcano. | ||
| I think it's actually 600 kilometers. | ||
| That super blast would fuck us up forever. | ||
| It's huge! | ||
| How big is the caldera of Yellowstone? | ||
| Well, by the way, maybe climate change is a very real thing. | ||
| And most of us are walking around going, nah, not for us. | ||
| God will protect us. | ||
| Well, the problem with that is people weaponize the idea of arguing about climate change. | ||
| And if you even have... | ||
| A question about it, or if you even... | ||
| It's one of those things, and this is not that the experts aren't correct. | ||
| I am with the experts. | ||
| I'm with the science on it. | ||
| I'm 100% in belief that human beings are accelerating climate change. | ||
| That's not my point. | ||
| My point is, if someone even brings up, how do you know? | ||
| If you're arguing about it voraciously, right? | ||
| You're really into fucking... | ||
| Some people that... | ||
| I love arguing about climate change and they love putting you in your fucking place. | ||
| The oceans are gonna be on fire and they get crazy with it. | ||
| And if you even have a conversation, where are you getting your information from? | ||
| They don't really have a good source. | ||
| It's not like they've spent time studying these papers and looking at the trends and reading books on core samples and talking to you about these shifts and here's the problem with this shift. | ||
| This shift is different than the other ones because it's clearly CO2. I tried saying with a group of people, all I try to say is I go, I don't like Trump either, but I will say, and I was going to say, I appreciated his China policy and certain things. | ||
| I literally was met with this. | ||
| I went, I went, but I will, but, and then, oh, no, no, don't fucking, don't give me a butt on this! | ||
| You know, I'm like, Jesus Christ! | ||
| Are you that afraid of my ideas? | ||
| Well, there's a Trump thing. | ||
| Like, you either hate Trump or you love Trump. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, you can't say, like, I get criticized as being some sort of a closet Trump supporter because I say I think he's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I do too. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| He cracks me up. | ||
| We're professional comedians. | ||
| He's hilarious to me. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| Look, how about stuff that no one even gets hurt? | ||
| The one when he took Greenland and he put a giant Trump Tower on it and he tweeted, I promise not to do this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| He's hilarious to me. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| That doesn't mean you're a Nazi, okay? | ||
| And I think this is going to calm some of that shit down. | ||
| This is going to give us real things to be outraged about. | ||
| And this is a wake-up call that our medical systems that we have in place to deal with pandemics, they're underfunded. | ||
| They're underfunded. | ||
| They have to be. | ||
| Or they're underutilized. | ||
| Or there's something wrong. | ||
| There's something wrong. | ||
| I don't want to say what the cause is. | ||
| I really don't know. | ||
| I'm an idiot. | ||
| Something has left us unprepared. | ||
| Okay, let's not blame anybody. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| No one saw this coming. | ||
| But now that we know that this can happen. | ||
| Yeah, this has never happened before. | ||
| All the years since 1776, we've never locked down the country like this. | ||
| But we did, and the whole world did. | ||
| So let's move forward with a fucking heavy emphasis on putting the brakes to that kind of shit. | ||
| Figure out what we have to do. | ||
| Is it because you only have a hundred scientists on it instead of a thousand? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because let's hire 900 more. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, what are we doing? | ||
| You're spending so much money on other things. | ||
| Have a science king. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A science king. | ||
| Let's have a fucking science king. | ||
| What's the difference between a king and a czar? | ||
| We have a tiger king. | ||
| Let's have a science king. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| President. | ||
| Science president. | ||
| Science president. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Everybody's a president of something. | ||
| Economic president. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that way, when something goes wrong, you'll go, fucking, if Trump just opened the borders. | |
| No, you're like, don't. | ||
| No, it's the border king's problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The border king says we got to keep the borders closed. | ||
| It's not Trump. | ||
| Trump doesn't get to... | ||
| It's the border king. | ||
| We have a border king. | ||
| We have a fucking drug king. | ||
| We have a sky king. | ||
| We have a sky king. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, he runs the skies. | ||
| Well, it makes sure it's clean. | ||
| The guy's up there with a fucking little strip. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Testing it every day, scooping... | ||
| Like, hey, sky king, how come the sky's still dirty, you fucking idiot? | ||
| I like that. | ||
| And you blame the sky king. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| You can't blame Trump and his cronies. | ||
| You blame sky king. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I want an elk. | ||
| You do. | ||
| You need to get one of those in your life. | ||
| You don't invite me. | ||
| Listen, you don't do it anymore. | ||
| You don't really do it. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I'm dead-eye. | ||
| I'm game-eye. | ||
| Sweetie, I love you. | ||
| There's the level between doing what we did where you have a rifle and doing what we did. | ||
| Oh, no, you're doing bows. | ||
| It's so much work to get to the point where you can do it efficiently. | ||
| Oh, because you're doing bow hunts. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How about I show up with a gun? | ||
| You could definitely do that if it's legal to have a gun. | ||
| The place for that for you would be Hawaii. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yes. | ||
| Lanai. | ||
| Axis deer. | ||
| Because they have to shoot them. | ||
| You and I need to go to my friend's property in New Zealand and shoot those red flags. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| But they probably need to shoot those too. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They don't have any predators. | ||
| He's got five private beaches. | ||
| God, he's got some money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bring some wolves. | |
| Bring some wolves to New Zealand. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| What could go wrong? | ||
| Great idea. | ||
| That's what they're doing in Colorado. | ||
| We need to go to his place. | ||
| He jet skis with fucking orcas. | ||
| He sends me video. | ||
| He's on his jet ski on his private beach, and he goes, ah, orcas under him. | ||
| The first family that gets eaten inside their tent by wolves, and that can happen and has happened in history, folks. | ||
| The first family that that ever happens to, we're all going to have a big wake-up call as to what a wolf is. | ||
| It's not that I don't love wolves. | ||
| I do love wolves. | ||
| And I went to that wolf connection, that rescue out in Palmdale. | ||
| I went to it really recently with Forrest Galante. | ||
| Did you see wolves? | ||
| Yeah, I hung out with them. | ||
| They're cool as fuck. | ||
| Pure wolves or hybrids? | ||
| Most of them are hybrids. | ||
| One of them was about as close to a pure wolf as you can get and you couldn't do a goddamn thing with them. | ||
| This guy said that one time he admonished him for a food fight and he was incorrect. | ||
| And the wolf hasn't spoken to him since. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Three years ago. | ||
| The wolf's like, fuck you. | ||
| He used to be able to pet him, put him on a leash, take him out. | ||
| Now the wolf won't let him anywhere near him. | ||
| Really? | ||
| He decided the guy was a cunt three years ago. | ||
| Male wolves will challenge you. | ||
| And you know, certain animals like camels. | ||
| Camels, if they like you, you're good. | ||
| If they don't like you... | ||
| They'll piss on you, they'll spit on you, and they will grab you and bite you and throw you. | ||
| They pick you up by your neck with their teeth. | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| Don't fuck around with a camel. | ||
| Bro, I saw a guy trying to kill a camel. | ||
| He was trying to... | ||
| There's like a certain way they kill camels for some religious food. | ||
| You can eat them. | ||
| But a certain way they kill them, you know, with a knife. | ||
| They slice their throat. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he was doing that, and this camel was not having it. | ||
| And he grabs him by the back of the neck and just fucking whips him through the air. | ||
| You realize how strong a camel is? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It bites your neck. | ||
| You're a 150-pound man. | ||
| You're going flying. | ||
| You're going flying, dude. | ||
| He'll chuck you. | ||
| He'll chuck you like you throw a house cat. | ||
| Bourdain ate camel. | ||
| He said it was really good. | ||
| So did I. Did you eat it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is it like? | ||
| Delicious. | ||
| What does it taste like? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Goat, you know, I guess. | ||
| A lot of times in Saudi Arabia, you would eat a camel. | ||
| In huge feasts, you'd put a goat inside the camel. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Oh, here's one. | ||
| This guy's trying to slice. | ||
| Yeah, this is another one. | ||
| Okay, yeah, right there. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| Boom, son. | ||
| That thing picked him up by his head. | ||
| He got his whole head in there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yikes. | ||
| That's his whole head. | ||
| Oh my god, that wasn't even just the neck. | ||
| That thing grabbed his whole head. | ||
| He's gotta be fucked up. | ||
| Bro, he might be paralyzed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now he's moving, thank god. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| God damn it just grabbed his whole head. | ||
| It picked him up by his head. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Dude, that could easily break your neck. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Especially if it didn't let go. | ||
| What if it shook him? | ||
| Yeah, that'd be a bad situation. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Or you would just held onto the head and shook him a bunch of times? | ||
| That thing is mean. | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| Yeah, don't fuck with camels. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's like a goat. | ||
| It's a lot of meat. | ||
| It's a lot of meat. | ||
| How many people ate that camel? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I was a kid, by the way. | ||
| I was 14, 13 when I ate it. | ||
| So I'm saying goat, but I don't remember. | ||
| They eat with their hands, right? | ||
| Eat with your right hand? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You do everything with your right hand. | ||
| And you wash your ass with your left hand. | ||
| You do your dirty things with your left hand. | ||
| You never give anybody your left hand a shake. | ||
| So when you're caught stealing, traditionally, they would cut off your... | ||
| Right hand. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| So you have to be the last one to wait. | ||
| In the goat crab, you'd be the last one to eat. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| So you'd have what was left over. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you do then? | ||
| Just kill the guy? | ||
| Like, why do you want to live like this? | ||
| No, you live with one hand. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| Figure it out. | ||
| You know. | ||
| I don't think we got to the bottom of anything, Brian Callan, but it feels good to complain. | ||
| I agree, buddy. | ||
| I love being here. | ||
| What else? | ||
| I think that's good. | ||
| I think we're three hours in. | ||
| We're three hours in. | ||
| God, that goes quickly. | ||
| Fuck, I can't believe that. | ||
| Yeah, we are. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I'm joking around, obviously, about the kings. | ||
| I have a king of everything. | ||
| I'm joking around about it, obviously. | ||
| But it is kind of ridiculous that we ever think that one person could be the president and run this whole country. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| It's so stupid and it's so tired. | ||
| And when something happens where it's really clear that this wasn't thought out correctly, like this, and that we didn't know what was coming, like this, that we didn't ever think, because it's never happened before. | ||
| If something's never happened before, we always think it's not going to happen, whether it's a super volcano or an asteroid impact or this. | ||
| Well, that's the thing. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| That's what it's got me thinking. | ||
| It hasn't happened throughout my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not prepped. | |
| I'm not prepped enough, and I need to get prepped for real. | ||
| We all should be. | ||
| We keep talking about going somewhere, and I'm not bullshitting about that. | ||
| How about a place we can drive to in a short time, though? | ||
| You could drive to Utah in 10 hours. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's not a bad one. | ||
| Or Vegas. | ||
| You just camp out in Vegas. | ||
| I like the idea of somewhere up in the hills in California. | ||
| Where? | ||
| Where are you going to go? | ||
| Enough where I can get a well and lots of guns. | ||
| Maybe you can go to Big Bear. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Maybe go to Big Bear. | ||
| Then they would shut those roads off. | ||
| That's what I worry about. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And you're fucked. | ||
| You've got to be up there stuck. | ||
| Still stuck. | ||
| We're still relying on the highway system. | ||
| Well, they shut those roads off sometimes unless when it snows out, you have to have chains. | ||
| Like, you have to have chains if you're driving up there. | ||
| Yeah, it's a problem. | ||
| Yeah, whenever you see those roads to Big Bear that say you must put chains on your tires. | ||
| Bill Burr can drive a helicopter. | ||
| He can fly a helicopter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| So Bill will be our go-to guy. | ||
| He can. | ||
| We need a boat to get out in the sea. | ||
| But we're assuming we'll have good visibility. | ||
| The problem with the helicopter thing is if it's fires, if there's fires, you ain't seeing shit. | ||
| If it's fires, we'll figure it out. | ||
| If it's a pandemic again. | ||
| Oh, who's to you? | ||
| We need the fucking fire president. | ||
| That's what we need. | ||
| Well, but get the fire president. | ||
| You can't say we'll figure it out. | ||
| We need a rock-solid game plan. | ||
| We call a fire president who hates fire. | ||
| We have to have a guy who hates fire. | ||
| He hates it. | ||
| Fucking hates fire. | ||
| Who eats raw food. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who eats raw food. | |
| Do you know that's a thing? | ||
| I know a lawyer who defends a kid who starts fires, dresses up like a fireman, and diverts traffic, and they catch him all the time, and he has to go and be like, The kid's obviously crazy. | ||
| He's a sociopath. | ||
| He gets off on creating these issues. | ||
| But he loves being a fireman, so he'll start fires. | ||
| He's done this 11 times since he was a little kid. | ||
| And now he's an adult. | ||
| I think he's in jail now. | ||
| He dresses up like a fireman and he likes to divert traffic and tell people where to go and give them advice. | ||
| Now imagine you have to fix that guy. | ||
| Imagine he's homeless, you gotta fix him. | ||
| You gotta go to jail. | ||
| You got a homeless guy who lights houses on fire and pretends it's a fireman. | ||
| He's so far gone. | ||
| You gotta go to jail. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| But you keep him in there forever? | ||
| Let him out one day, they're gonna be more fucked up than they were before you put him in. | ||
| You make the jail for crazy people much more pleasant. | ||
| Make him pleasant. | ||
| Just keep him there. | ||
| Keep him in the pleasant jail? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Keep him pleasant though. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Until I find a way to get him... | ||
| Until he can exhibit that he is fit to go back to society. | ||
| Did you ever see One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| How come they don't have places like that anymore? | ||
| One of the greatest movies of all time. | ||
| Do they have places like that anymore? | ||
| You come in, you come out. | ||
| How many of them do they have? | ||
| Do they have enough? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Seems like we should have more. | ||
| We have mental, we have hospitals for the criminally insane, hospitals for, you know. | ||
| Right, but do we have enough? | ||
| Because I think it's almost like the same amount of hospitals that we have regular. | ||
| Peter earlier wrote a book called Crazy. | ||
| His son suffers from mental illness. | ||
| And what we do with most of our mentally ill is we put them in jail. | ||
| And I've been to those aquariums that they keep people in. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| That's where it's fucked up, too. | ||
| It's like, you're also, because you're crazy, you're also committing crimes. | ||
| And you maybe could have been treated for whatever the mental illness was, particularly if it's a chemical imbalance, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then you would have never done those crimes, and then you would have never been in jail. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, who's responsible for it? | ||
| Ultimately, we want adults to be responsible for themselves. | ||
| Yeah, well, this guy said, Joe Newman again, who wrote Raising Lions, I recommend it highly. | ||
| He said, I'm training parents a lot of times. | ||
| You used to think I was training the kids. | ||
| A lot of times I'm training the parents and the educators on how to... | ||
| He's enjoying the frustration and the social status he gets. | ||
| He creates frustration in the adult and gets social status from doing this. | ||
| I can make it very boring for him. | ||
| I'll make it very boring for him. | ||
| Without interest, just go, hey, time to take a break. | ||
| You've got to stand over there. | ||
| I know it sucks. | ||
| But you can throw a tantrum, but the time starts for when you're done with the tantrum. | ||
| Little things like that. | ||
| Huge results. | ||
| Just take the profit out of that kind of thing. | ||
| You're saying this genius tells you to put them in timeout? | ||
| Timeout, but it's a very specific way of doing it. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| What's his solution? | ||
| Kids got to go to timeout. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| Well, you get these kids who freak out. | ||
| They have to be put in isolation. | ||
| You argue with them. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's part of the president's problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you can't put him in timeout. | ||
| That's probably true. | ||
| If there was like, Nancy Pelosi had like a few timeouts per year, and she could just use it on Trump, and Trump would just have to stand in the corner and not talk? | ||
| Well, we'll take your phone away. | ||
| We'll take your phone away, no tweeting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no, no. | |
| No, a fucking legit timeout. | ||
| Nancy Pelosi- You stand in the corner. | ||
| She's the kind of person that would put all of us in timeout. | ||
| She's a mom. | ||
| But- If she could do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Imagine how interesting that would be. | ||
| She'd go like this. | ||
| Donald, Donald, why don't we take a break? | ||
| Go over there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to go over to the boarding chair. | ||
| If there was things that a person could do where you had to put them in timeout, you and I would be in timeout a lot. | ||
| How often would you be in timeout per year? | ||
| As a kid? | ||
| Right now, as an adult. | ||
| If they had timeout still. | ||
| I need a lot of timeout. | ||
| No, but there's a thing. | ||
| At a certain point in time, you become the master of your own destiny. | ||
| Nobody can put you in a timeout anymore unless you're at work and you get brought in. | ||
| I need timeouts because I'll find ways to procrastinate and not do the things I'm supposed to do. | ||
| Can you imagine if you had a boss at the podcast and they sat you and Brendan down and were talking about your job performance? | ||
| I'd have a problem with it. | ||
| They do that with radio shows. | ||
| That's what radio shows are. | ||
| They're like basically a podcast but with a boss. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I know. | ||
| You know Kevin and Bean? | ||
| You know those guys? | ||
| I love Kevin. | ||
| You know Kevin, they just fired them? | ||
| I didn't know they fired Kevin. | ||
| I thought Kevin kind of voluntarily... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, they fired him and then they fired everybody and then just told them they're done. | ||
| Go home. | ||
| And they had security guards lead them out of the building. | ||
| Even Kevin? | ||
| Yes, Kevin. | ||
| I didn't know Kevin got fired. | ||
| Yeah, Kevin got fired. | ||
| That's very recent. | ||
| Well, Bean left like a year ago. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And then Kevin stayed on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And K-Rock, Jimmy Kimmel made a tweet about it. | ||
| Like, how dare you? | ||
| I just did, Kevin. | ||
| I mean, I loved you. | ||
| Yeah, I love Kevin. | ||
| Well, it's been Kevin's morning show for like... | ||
| Since, I think, January. | ||
| Kevin, who's the woman? | ||
| Marla? | ||
| Sorry, I forgot her name. | ||
| I'm such an asshole. | ||
| And Dave. | ||
| But they're both great. | ||
| They just fired everybody. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| So there's no more Kevin? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think it probably happened, I mean, I don't know if it had anything to do with the corona, but it was like when it was kicking in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Like when everyone was starting to worry about COVID-19. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm very, very worried about just what's going to happen to all these small businesses. | ||
| I don't know how much longer we can sustain this. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| We need a plan. | ||
| Is there any good news on this? | ||
| How about this hydrochloroquine with azithromycin? | ||
| Does that actually help with... | ||
| Sorry, guys. | ||
| I'm a doctor. | ||
| Does that help with... | ||
| I read about that, and I read that there's some promise to that, and I read that there's that in a combination of some other medication. | ||
| So it's essentially this drug that they use to treat malaria. | ||
| It's an old-school drug to treat malaria. | ||
| It's hydrochloroquine. | ||
| And then they're doing something else with it. | ||
| Yeah, so it's hydroxychloroquine. | ||
| It used to be quinine. | ||
| Now it's different. | ||
| That didn't work for malaria anymore. | ||
| So there's that, and you combine that with azithromycin, like a Z-Pak. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| And so those two things apparently mitigate the effects of the virus from what I heard. | ||
| But then I heard no. | ||
| So I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, who the fuck knows? | ||
| There's also intravenous vitamin C apparently has an effect, a positive effect on people that are suffering from the illness. | ||
| But again, this is all anecdotal. | ||
| They don't have like a real strict protocol of how you handle this disease. | ||
| It's very easy to catch. | ||
| It's a new disease. | ||
| I haven't been as good as I should be. | ||
| I eat food that's prepared by people. | ||
| Yeah, you never know. | ||
| You never know. | ||
| They didn't know before the Carnival Cruise Line thing that it could stay on surfaces as long as 17 days. | ||
| Well, I heard nine hours. | ||
| It depends on if it's... | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| This is the latest. | ||
| 17 days? | ||
| The people that are examining the cruise ship are the people that are stuck on it. | ||
| Even people that are asymptomatic. | ||
| They still found traces of this shit 17 days later in their cabins. | ||
| Well, guess what? | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| Asymptomatic people, and you can find the stuff in their cabin, 17 days later it's still alive waiting for a host. | ||
| I don't think Chris Alia has left his house. | ||
| Is he a germaphobe? | ||
| I just... | ||
| He's just not left his house. | ||
| Well, he also has a new baby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But, you know, you get something delivered from Amazon. | ||
| You don't know what happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He lives on surfaces. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Disinfect it. | ||
| Disinfect the world. | ||
| All right, buddy. | ||
| Let's wrap it up, Brian Callen. | ||
| Thank you, buddy, for having me. | ||
| Is Will Sasso trying to pussy out of the 10-minute podcast? | ||
| I heard he is. | ||
| We're going to do the 10... | ||
| For all you 10-minute podcast lovers, me, Chris Lee, and Will Sasso. | ||
| I heard Sasso is... | ||
| We're rebooting it. | ||
| ...getting very sassy with you. | ||
| He gets sassy with me. | ||
| He just sends me pictures of bears eating like fish and deer. | ||
| He just sends me pictures. | ||
| What he's going to do to you. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| See, that guy has the biggest calves I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| He's the funniest fucking human being. | ||
| Have you ever had him on the podcast? | ||
| No, I'd love to have him on. | ||
| Oh, fuck, he's a genius. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| Oh my God, he's coming out. | ||
| He's fun to hang out with, too. | ||
| Remember when we all hung out together? | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| Will Sasso, to me, funniest human being, maybe of all time, and coming out in a movie called Boss Level. | ||
| Each one of his calves are two of Arnold Schwarzenegger's shoulders. | ||
| Oh, dude, he's so big and strong. | ||
| But it's his calves! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| They're that big! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're so big! | |
| Yeah, they're bullharts. | ||
| They're bullharts. | ||
| I call them bullharts. | ||
| They're so big. | ||
| He's got two bullharts in his fucking lower legs. | ||
| I remember you telling me that, and then me seeing them, like, what is going on? | ||
| Well, there's a picture on the internet of my head next to his calf, and my head is, my calf and head, we're the same size. | ||
| My head is the same size as his calf, and I'm not kidding. | ||
| It's the weirdest shit I've ever seen. | ||
| Congratulations on your operator status. | ||
| Thanks, buddy. | ||
| You saw the way I squeezed off those rounds. | ||
| I did. | ||
| Guys, we want to laugh right now. | ||
| Complicated apes on Amazon, huh? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| Look at his calves. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Look at the size of his fucking calf. | ||
| Dude, that is so ridiculous. | ||
| He was a power lifter. | ||
| I think he had some record. | ||
| Dude, those things are ridiculous. | ||
| Look at that one up there. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Was that another guy? | ||
| That's him. | ||
| No, that's Sasso. | ||
| Is that Sasso? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Those are bull hearts. | ||
| Bro, those are so big. | ||
| Look where they're considered on the bone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's real? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| That looks like Arnold in his prime, right? | ||
| What does those look like? | ||
| When he would pose? | ||
| You ever seen him? | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| Let me see his Instagram for a sec. | ||
| You've got a lot of pictures with your face next to his calf. | ||
| That's very odd. | ||
| You're wearing different shirts. | ||
| Bring his Instagram up. | ||
| I want to see something. | ||
| It cracks me up. | ||
| Why is he dressing like a woman? | ||
| Why does he have a video with Arnold Schwarzenegger? | ||
| Is he mocking him? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Brian, this is an audio podcast as well. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| We just go down, scroll. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| He's just got so many funny fucking things. | ||
| Is it just Will Sasso? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is his... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, Will Sasso. | |
| He's the fucking best. | ||
| He's on a boat. | ||
| He's just standing on a boat and he just goes, I'm fucking seaworthy as fuck! | ||
| He's a silly boy. | ||
| Oh, he's fucking hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So are you. | |
| All right, love you, buddy. | ||
| It was fun hanging out with you all day today. | ||
| We had a great time. | ||
| We had to do this more often. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| That's one thing that I'm getting out of this more. | ||
| I'm really appreciating friends. | ||
| Fuck yes. | ||
| When the shit gets weird, that's what you really need. | ||
| You really need friends. | ||
| You're damn right. | ||
| All right, love you people. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| See ya. | ||
| That was fucking great. |
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