March 6, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:46:25
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| *Sings* You know who else carves guns like that? | ||
| Who does? | ||
| Jesse James. | ||
| Remember Jesse James, that chopper maker dude? | ||
| Yeah, that dude makes guns now in Texas. | ||
| That's all he does? | ||
| He's still making bikes. | ||
| I think he makes bikes too, but he makes a lot of guns, like dope guns, like engraved and crossed. | ||
| And hand carves them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fancy, fancy guns. | ||
| Yeah, the dude that we were talking about, I think he's an L.A. guy, but he hand-does them. | ||
| He's a Mexican gentleman, you're saying? | ||
| Mexican dude, a Mexican man. | ||
| Carves into the guns? | ||
| Yeah, and he does beautiful artwork, all hand-designed, and then people pay him to do his design. | ||
| They don't say, like, here's what I want. | ||
| The whole deal is, you give him the gun, and he just does it. | ||
| It's not like, I want this on here. | ||
| He's like, no, no, no. | ||
| You give me the piece, I do the art, I give it back. | ||
| You know what's interesting about Bernie Sanders? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Is this the guy with the guns? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it, yeah. | |
| Let me see what this looks like. | ||
| I was going to say what's interesting about Bernie Sanders is his real close relationship with Killer Mike. | ||
| Killer Mike is a big pro-Second Amendment man. | ||
| I mean, he believes in guns. | ||
| He believes you should be able to protect yourself and protect your family. | ||
| And what? | ||
| And Bernie's so against it? | ||
| Well, I don't know if Bernie's so against it because he talks to Killer Mike and they don't scream and yell at each other. | ||
| Kill a mic. | ||
| In Vermont? | ||
| We don't need guns. | ||
| I don't think we need guns in the Northeast. | ||
| How did he do yesterday? | ||
| He won Vermont, California, Colorado, Utah, and is that it? | ||
| And then Biden. | ||
| Biden's still in the lead, right? | ||
| Is Biden number one now? | ||
| I think he's ahead 435 to 381 as of right now. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| Elizabeth, let me tell you something. | ||
| I worry about both of them because they're older gentlemen, but I worry about Biden more. | ||
| He looks like he's It's almost like his skin is thin. | ||
| Well, I think his brain seems to be skipping. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It's almost like an old scratch DVD. Well, you gotta realize, he's fucking tired. | ||
| Dude, forget about just being old. | ||
| Doing the pace that he's doing is fucking crazy. | ||
| He's got to get on that Trump speed. | ||
| That Trump speed. | ||
| Whatever the fuck is that? | ||
| That Sudafed from Germany. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| I'm on poppers again. | ||
| He's got the best shit, and he's already ranking on them. | ||
| It's already hilarious. | ||
| You see what he did for Mike Bloomberg? | ||
| He hit under the podium. | ||
| He pretended he was Mike Bloomberg. | ||
| Tiny Mike, yeah. | ||
| He's like, that guy's not going to be able to see over the podium. | ||
| He goes behind the podium, and then he's calling him Sleepy Joe. | ||
| He's doing stand-up. | ||
| I say it on stage, he fucking rips. | ||
| Did you see the clip from the other day where he's like, is this guy Mexican? | ||
| He says he's Mexican. | ||
| You really Mexican? | ||
| He's Mexican. | ||
| He goes, he's Mexican like I'm Native American. | ||
| I'm Elizabeth Warren. | ||
| Dude, he was ripping. | ||
| And they were losing it. | ||
| He rips. | ||
| Dude, he's funny. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| He says funny shit. | ||
| We were talking about this yesterday. | ||
| He's got a lifetime experience of being in front of the camera. | ||
| He knows how to do it. | ||
| He's a showman. | ||
| Well, it's like everything else, like podcasts or stand-up or I would imagine any kind of public speaking. | ||
| The more you do it, the better you get at it. | ||
| The more you realize your mistakes, the more you tighten up your game, the more practice you get. | ||
| And he gets a lot of practice. | ||
| I mean, he's doing public speaking all the time. | ||
| And when he gets to do something where they're all on his side, it's probably fun. | ||
| Like those things he does when they're all on his side, those are good times. | ||
| That's like you ripping an arena. | ||
| That's basically what it is. | ||
| They're all there to see you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's not playing a club, he's playing a fucking sold-out arena that are like, bring out Trump! | ||
| If he brought other guys to do 10 in front of him, you know, to hype him up and shit, bring Jared and- I'll tell you what, once he's out of the White House, he's gonna be more popular than ever. | ||
| 100. He's going to be a hero. | ||
| Because let me tell you something, people forget this, but they didn't like Ronald Reagan when he was in office. | ||
| George Bush. | ||
| Well, but Reagan is a big one, though, because Reagan became like this hero afterwards, but during the whole Iran-Contra thing, when he was going on television, say he doesn't remember, do you know what Jimmy Tingle is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| Great stand-up comic from Boston, but he had a joke, I remember, I was an open-miker, this was back in the 80s, when Reagan was brought in front of whoever, was it Congress that he was talking about selling guns to Iran? | ||
| When he did it, he would say, I don't remember. | ||
| That's what Reagan was saying. | ||
| And he might not, because he really did have Alzheimer's, remember? | ||
| So Jimmy Tingle goes, Mr. President, here's a little tip. | ||
| If you ever sell guns to someone who hates us, jot it down. | ||
| Write it down. | ||
| Make a little note. | ||
| Put it on the refrigerator. | ||
| Yeah, and he got love. | ||
| It's such a simple joke. | ||
| I got a clip of it. | ||
| Yeah, let's hear it. | ||
| Let me hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have no recollection of doing so. | |
| Okay. | ||
| But that could be my memory. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Well, as you sit here now, do you have any recollection of approving for John Poindexter to send these specific letters to Congress? | ||
| Well, again, it's a case of memory. | ||
| I don't recall whether he did or not. | ||
| And my question to you is, would you have approved the sending of these letters to Congress by John Poindexter if you knew that they adopted false information that had been previously supplied? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's a problem too, there's so much rhetoric involved, I don't even know what that question was. | ||
| They pile on all these things and then you go, I don't know, I have no idea what you're saying, what are you asking me? | ||
| Right, there's so much legalese. | ||
| Right, at some point he does seem trapped in too many questions. | ||
| It's kind of like, I watched that clip of Betsy DeVos, And that Wisconsin senator going at it about how she doesn't know the numbers for charter schools. | ||
| I don't know if you've seen this, but she's unaware of the numbers presented of how many charter schools fail. | ||
| But he's throwing so many statistics at her. | ||
| How could you even keep up? | ||
| I mean, she does sound like a bumbling dumbo, but you just bury someone with stats. | ||
| They're going to go... | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Right. | ||
| How do I... Where am I... I don't even know which one you want me to address, and I don't have any information in front of me to fight it. | ||
| So when they do that sometimes to politicians, I'm always like, of course they're going to drown. | ||
| How could he fight out of that? | ||
| Yeah, clearly that's like a combat strategy. | ||
| Unless you're Trump, and then you just... | ||
| He diverts. | ||
| He's so good at... | ||
| He'll take in all that stuff, and then he'll go... | ||
| Well, he's never been in this kind of a situation where he had to answer questions in a court. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| That would be interesting if he did. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I think he'd probably get in trouble, because a lot of his stuff is like... | ||
| Shutting things down and he could get out of order. | ||
| But my point is, we both know. | ||
| Even if someone's good at that, if they do that and they hit you with a bunch of stats and fucks you up so hard you can't answer their original question and you're supposed to be grilling them. | ||
| We know what you're doing. | ||
| You're not communicating in a way that you are actually trying to communicate with the person. | ||
| You're playing verbal warfare. | ||
| You're fighting. | ||
| You're trying to back them up on their heels and smother their reach and get them in a corner and pound on them. | ||
| That's what you're doing. | ||
| You're overwhelming them with a barrage of information, just like you would overwhelm someone with a barrage of punches. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| When you see their weakness, you're like... | ||
| It's not even a hidden thing because you're not supposed to be doing that. | ||
| You're supposed to be having an exchange. | ||
| You're supposed to be talking to each other. | ||
| You're supposed to be someone getting to the bottom of it. | ||
| But we know that he doesn't want to tell the truth. | ||
| He doesn't want to go, yes, I did sell guns to Iran. | ||
| I sold guns. | ||
| And I sold cocaine in the inner cities of Los Angeles because I was trying to... | ||
| Crack, crack, crack. | ||
| Yeah, crack. | ||
| I induced crack into the streets. | ||
| I mean, all that stuff really did happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not a conspiracy theory anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| The CIA, or whoever was working for the CIA, sold drugs in the inner cities, was brought in through Freeway Ricky, who's the original Rick Ross. | ||
| The real Rick Ross. | ||
| The real Rick Ross. | ||
| Didn't even know what he was doing while he was doing it. | ||
| And then after it was over, these guys didn't figure it out until long past that they were working with the government. | ||
| Rick Ross had no idea. | ||
| He had no idea. | ||
| He just thought he was awesome at selling coke. | ||
| He didn't know he was completely protected. | ||
| Yeah, but that's kind of... | ||
| Did you watch The Pharmacist? | ||
| I shouldn't say completely protected, but I should say that he was in bed with the government. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Did you watch them, The Pharmacist? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| What is that? | ||
| That's all about the distribution of OxyContin, specifically what it's done to the East Coast. | ||
| This kind of started in New Orleans. | ||
| The documentary is all about it, but up there, how it got really bad. | ||
| This pharmacist basically... | ||
| His son, I don't want to give it away, but his son tragically died, and he started to investigate why all this stuff is kind of happening in New Orleans. | ||
| And the epicenter was this Purdue Pharma that made OxyContin, the biggest distributor of OxyContin in the United States. | ||
| And the whole documentary kind of shows you how it was just – they weren't orchestrating this thing to try to solve people's pain. | ||
| All the documents and emails are just like, these are big hitter areas. | ||
| Meaning like, sell, sell, sell. | ||
| So all these sales reps were going out pushing, you know, like they're fucking, like they're trying to sell cars. | ||
| I mean, they were selling them like candy. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I mean, the government was totally okay with it. | ||
| I mean, the FDA didn't have anything against it for a long time. | ||
| They were like, oh, they're solving pain. | ||
| So much money. | ||
| The money involved is staggering. | ||
| It's hard for us to even understand how much money is coming in from pills, just from pills. | ||
| And here's the thing about prescribing them. | ||
| This is, let's be honest, everyone's in pain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's part of being a person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially if you're an older person that's maybe got a difficult job, like you have to carry things and move things around that are heavy, you're in fucking pain. | ||
| You got back problems. | ||
| Everybody has back problems. | ||
| So you go to these people with back problems, they're like, I got a fucking solution. | ||
| This is the fix. | ||
| This is the fucking fix. | ||
| It's soul poison. | ||
| Once you get hooked on soul poison. | ||
| Well, and then what happens is these doctors, this woman, Jacqueline Cleggett, that's who the documentary focuses on, she's running a pill mill, right? | ||
| So, like, she's writing 70, 80 prescriptions a day, and you get all these doctors on there that are like, that's impossible. | ||
| To see 70 people is not—you couldn't do it even if you were fucking— How could you see 70 people in a day? | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| That bitch is flagrant. | ||
| So she was making unbelievable money. | ||
| Bro, stop it. | ||
| Let's break this down by the minute. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 70 a day. | ||
| There's eight hours in a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She said 70 to 80. Let's get crazy and say it's 80. Right. | ||
| So there's eight hours in a day. | ||
| So she's seen 10 people in an hour? | ||
| In an hour. | ||
| Yeah, 10 people in an hour. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Each hour. | |
| Not counting lunch. | ||
| No coffee breaks. | ||
| There is no lunch. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you have to shit, hold it in. | ||
| We're here to make money, baby. | ||
| No bathroom breaks. | ||
| Let's go! | ||
| Well, she was operating at night. | ||
| That was the whole thing. | ||
| And this whole investigation was about she would have a New Orleans cop in her lobby to make sure that nobody was trying to bust her. | ||
| Strong armor. | ||
| Yeah, she paid off the cops. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| And they got no trouble. | ||
| You pay security detail money for cops. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the cops are happy. | ||
| We're all working together. | ||
| Yeah, and the cops are like, what do you mean? | ||
| I'm just protecting the front. | ||
| And the cops mind, hey, he's not breaking the law. | ||
| No, he's not. | ||
| He knows what's going on in the back because he's probably getting chipped off a few. | ||
| The law is very sketchy. | ||
| It was really sketchy back in the day. | ||
| Did you ever see, who did it? | ||
| Who made OxyContin Express? | ||
| What was the company behind that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Is that a movie? | ||
| Oh, it was a made-for-television thing. | ||
| A PBS thing? | ||
| That showed an investigative report. | ||
| I'll get you the people who were in it, too. | ||
| Vanguard. | ||
| Vanguard did it, but who's the woman and the man behind it? | ||
| Mariana Venzeller. | ||
| Put it up so I could see it, so I could say it, because they were on the podcast, they were really cool, way back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, Marianna Van Zeller, and wasn't her husband involved in this as well? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Anyway, awesome documentary that detailed what was going on down there. | ||
| In Florida, they didn't have a database. | ||
| So, if you went to me, and I was a doctor, and you're like, my back hurts. | ||
| I'm like, you need drugs. | ||
| And I gave you OxyContin. | ||
| You're like, thanks, bro. | ||
| And then you go over to Jamie. | ||
| And you go to Dr. Jamie. | ||
| Hey, my back hurts. | ||
| He goes, you need OxyContin. | ||
| He goes, thanks, bro. | ||
| And he gives it to you, and then you just keep going. | ||
| And so they would go to 10, 20, 30 different doctors, and they have this thing called pain management centers. | ||
| You go to a pain management center, you see some soulless doctor sitting there just writing out scripts. | ||
| And the only thing they write scripts for is Oxycontins and painkillers, and then they go right next door to the pharmacy. | ||
| It's in the same thing. | ||
| One door is here, one door is here. | ||
| You go right next door and you get your drugs, like in the same building. | ||
| It's a one-stop shop for drugs. | ||
| And there's no computer system to check, so you just keep doing it. | ||
| And look, everybody who does drugs, does drugs for a reason, right? | ||
| Whether you do real heroin, whether you do coke, like you're doing drugs because, I mean, it might not be a reason that makes sense to you, but they want to do those drugs, right? | ||
| You can come up with reasons why you want to take painkillers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Almost anyone. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| People are always in pain. | ||
| My shoulder hurts. | ||
| Well, this is my, don't, you know, take half one of these. | ||
| Half. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| I'll take half now and half right after it. | ||
| It's just crazy how many of them there are. | ||
| If you looked at the actual numbers of prescriptions that are written every year in this country, it's like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Have you ever taken anything? | ||
| No, not that stuff. | ||
| I did a morphine drip once, though, when I was in the hospital for my knee reconstruction in, like, 93. Dude, it was awesome. | ||
| I was laying there. | ||
| I was hitting that button. | ||
| Bang! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| And I was on a continual motion machine. | ||
| I had a patella tendon graft, which means they'd cut a piece out of your bone of your kneecap and a piece of bone out of your shin and connect it to a strip of your patella tendon. | ||
| Then they open you up like a fish and they screw this in on one bone and screw that on another bone. | ||
| They reconstruct you a new ACL. It's awesome. | ||
| It works great today. | ||
| To this day, I throw kicks with it or run with it. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| And you were floating on it. | ||
| I'm on the clouds. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So I'm on this machine that keeps your leg moving after so it doesn't stiffen up. | ||
| So the blood doesn't clot and stuff. | ||
| So this machine's moving like this. | ||
| And this fucking drip. | ||
| I'm hitting this drip hard. | ||
| Ba-bang. | ||
| Ba-ba-bang. | ||
| Ba-bang. | ||
| It's like a warm hug. | ||
| When I was lying there, I was like, I get it. | ||
| The only time I've experienced that very similar was when the old NyQuil was available. | ||
| The real codeine-filled NyQuil. | ||
| Yeah, when it fucked you up. | ||
| I'd be high the next morning. | ||
| I was so high. | ||
| I was lying in my bed. | ||
| I felt so good. | ||
| I felt so loved. | ||
| I felt so much better. | ||
| It's like before the drugs, I was miserable. | ||
| I had the flu. | ||
| I felt like shit. | ||
| But then as soon as I took that stuff, I was like, I feel loved. | ||
| I feel like I'm just like floating in softness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like... | |
| I get it. | ||
| I get why people need that. | ||
| I'm the opposite, man. | ||
| I fucking, I tore ligaments in my leg and I took, they gave me Vicodin and it had an adverse effect. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| I had to go back to the doctor and I was like, it's giving me crazy anxiety. | ||
| I couldn't sleep and I ate and I was eating a few of them to try to kill the pain. | ||
| The pain would get worse. | ||
| And the guy was like, maybe you, maybe Vicodin and you don't mix. | ||
| But it fucked and it made my, it made me angry. | ||
| I was going through these like really, like night tremor spells and shit. | ||
| I was like, this stuff is, I couldn't do, I never touched it again. | ||
| Some people love that stuff. | ||
| Vicodin? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| I had a friend of mine, he used to take Vicodins and play guitar. | ||
| He said it made him really creative. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Really? | ||
| I think I took either Vicodin or Percocet, I can't remember, after that first knee surgery. | ||
| But I only took it once because it made me so stupid. | ||
| I remember it dulled the pain a little bit, but I was so dumb, man. | ||
| Well, yeah, you're foggy. | ||
| I was just half out of it. | ||
| Yeah, your brain is not full. | ||
| I'd rather be in pain. | ||
| Like, this is stupid. | ||
| I can't even enjoy a television show. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| I'm laying in my apartment. | ||
| I can't even watch TV because I'm so stupid. | ||
| Yeah, I hate that shit. | ||
| That's the thing that I like. | ||
| And I think I have a high tolerance for medication. | ||
| And there's a weird... | ||
| Hey, hey, Joe, Joe, a functioning alcoholic. | ||
| You can look it up, though. | ||
| There's a thing about redheads. | ||
| Redheads have a gene where they have high pain tolerances and high tolerances to certain medicines. | ||
| And so every time I've ever taken stuff, nothing really works for me the way that it's supposed to. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| People say all the time, like, oh, what do you just pop a couple of Advil? | ||
| Advil has never done anything for me my whole life. | ||
| If I could take three or four, it doesn't fucking mean. | ||
| You know when they give you those... | ||
| If you go to a doctor, if you've got some kind of thing, like a headache or whatever, and they give you those super Advils that triple the dose or whatever, I take those things and they're nothing. | ||
| So I end up throwing them away. | ||
| Why is it okay to discriminate against redheads? | ||
| It's one of the last fun things to discriminate against people that still actually hurts their feelings. | ||
| Because we're still white. | ||
| We still are white. | ||
| Deal with it. | ||
| They're like, he still has advantages. | ||
| Deal with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's actually when I see a red-headed black guy, I'm like, oh, man, double down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| I have seen red-headed people that are really good at taking punishment. | ||
| And I've always wondered. | ||
| I've read things about redheads having a higher tolerance for pain, too. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| That article he brought up, they showed about it. | ||
| It's something in... | ||
| I'm going to misquote it. | ||
| The MC1R gene belongs to a family of receptors that include pain receptors in the brain. | ||
| As a result, a mutation in the gene appears to influence the body's sensitivity to pain. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| There's so many Irish dudes who can take an insane beating. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| And on top of that, just the toughness of the Irish people. | ||
| Oh, they're fucking their background just... | ||
| A redhead from Ireland with that MC1R gene. | ||
| Jesus Christ, you'd have to kill him. | ||
| MC1R sounds like a Mortal Kombat character. | ||
| MC1R! It does. | ||
| It sounds like a biker. | ||
| Like some sort of fucking ninja bike. | ||
| The mutation in the MC1R gene also occurs in brunettes, although it's less common. | ||
| In the latest study, the researchers tested for the MC1R gene variant, finding that in 65 of 67 redheads, holy shit, and in 20 of 77 people with brown or black hair. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| So it's like, what is that, like 30-something percent of people that are brown hair, but almost... | ||
| What is that, like 97%, 98%? | ||
| Almost 98%, 97%. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| So all redheads can take a beating. | ||
| Mentally and physically. | ||
| Oh, you can take a beating mentally too. | ||
| But that's to prepare you for life as a redhead. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly. | ||
| God was like, this guy's going to get shitted on. | ||
| We better make it. | ||
| Bro, you have a mental turtle shell. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Yeah, I have a mental shell. | ||
| You just have to look. | ||
| I think every redhead I know... | ||
| has an attitude because of how you're treated as a kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I've talked about this before. | ||
| People think that it's not a thing. | ||
| It's a thing. | ||
| If there's a room full of people, right, and a bunch of PC mongers or social justice warriors are in the room, everyone would be like, you can't say anything about him, can't say anything about her, about her. | ||
| If they got to a redhead, they'd be like, it's fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're white. | |
| That's not that big of a deal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're white. | |
| They're still full white. | ||
| Like, imagine making fun of a handsome white man with blonde hair, would you? | ||
| Hitler's dream. | ||
| Yeah, probably Hitler's dream. | ||
| Hitler's dream. | ||
| Yeah, Hitler's come shot. | ||
| You can make fun of him that way. | ||
| But otherwise... | ||
| This Nazi motherfucker. | ||
| Like, you could easily... | ||
| And no one would feel bad. | ||
| Because it's perceived that they have all the advantages. | ||
| Yeah, even though... | ||
| What if they're, you know... | ||
| They're homeless and they're... | ||
| How about they're dumb? | ||
| That's the biggest disadvantage a person ever has. | ||
| Your brain doesn't work. | ||
| How many really handsome dummies do you know? | ||
| I mean, most. | ||
| Bro, I know a couple guys that are dream boats, but they're dumb as a rock. | ||
| They're so handsome. | ||
| They have just beautiful faces and perfect cheeks and they just look great. | ||
| He's not talking about you, Jamie. | ||
| Jamie raised his hand. | ||
| If I was a girl, I'd be so excited to meet those guys. | ||
| But part of me says, those poor bastards are at a disadvantage. | ||
| Because everything's so easy, right? | ||
| They're big, giant, handsome people. | ||
| Like, if you see a six-foot-tall, perfect man, do you know what kind of pussy David Hasselhoff must have been getting in the 80s? | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Can you imagine the girls were catapulting themselves in his direction? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It didn't matter if he was smart or not. | ||
| He was beautiful. | ||
| And he was really tall and classically handsome. | ||
| That's a giant advantage. | ||
| And if you have that giant advantage and you don't have to work hard to meet women, look at him. | ||
| Jesus Christ, what a dreamboat. | ||
| Are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| Look at that face. | ||
| He's beautiful. | ||
| Where's the naked one where he's on the rug? | ||
| That's the funny one, right? | ||
| He's a really nice guy, too. | ||
| He did an episode of Fear Factor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He did Celebrity Fear Factor. | ||
| This is what's great about back then, though. | ||
| You didn't have to have a great body. | ||
| At all. | ||
| Nobody had a six-pack. | ||
| No one had pecs unless you were a bodybuilder. | ||
| Yeah, look at him. | ||
| He looks like a guy who's maybe worked out three times. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| He kind of knows where the gyms are. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like when someone in a hotel goes, we have a gym, and he's like, I'll check it out, you know? | ||
| Hey, it looks good. | ||
| I love this Nautilus equipment. | ||
| Yeah, he was, uh, but my point being, like, that guy... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| No muscle struggle. | ||
| Look at his fucking arms. | ||
| There's no muscle structure, dude. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| He didn't do much working out. | ||
| But you don't need to back then. | ||
| You could be like a Hollywood dude who didn't ever. | ||
| It's kind of like Leonardo DiCaprio might be the only guy who's that famous and good looking today that has a bad body. | ||
| His body is shit. | ||
| That dude has a shit body. | ||
| For a famous guy, dude, he has a dog shit body. | ||
| All the guys in his level are Brad Pitt, Ryan Reynolds. | ||
| All these dudes are jacked to shit. | ||
| Jacked. | ||
| Jack. | ||
| And you see Leonardo DiCaprio and you're like, this schlubby, Play-Doh-looking fucking body. | ||
| Dude, he's so good, though. | ||
| I know he's the pumpkin. | ||
| He gets everything. | ||
| He does whatever he wants. | ||
| But he's such a good actor. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
| He's one of my favorite of all time because he made movies back then that I loved and now that I like. | ||
| You can forget how good he is because he's so handsome. | ||
| You can forget. | ||
| But then you see a movie like, did you see? | ||
| Look at his body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| Perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's Burt Kreischer if he lost 100 pounds. | |
| It's perfect. | ||
| It's a dumpy, regular dude's body. | ||
| He's built perfect. | ||
| And look, he's not trying to hide it. | ||
| No, it's awesome. | ||
| He's seven months pregnant, and he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Just waddling around there on the beach with a cocaine baby inside his belly. | ||
| Leo in his second trimester. | ||
| He can do whatever the fuck he wants. | ||
| He's a fucking modern-day Jack Nicholson. | ||
| But that's why I appreciate this, dude. | ||
| Jack Nicholson, not the golfer. | ||
| The actor. | ||
| Damn, that would have sounded better if I got the name right. | ||
| He's a modern-day Jack Nicholson. | ||
| Yeah, he is. | ||
| Like, he's not trying with his fucking body. | ||
| He's just being an amazing actor. | ||
| Dude, in Django, when he played that evil dude. | ||
| Unreal. | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| You buy it. | ||
| You believe it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So intense. | ||
| That fight scene was one of my favorite fight scenes. | ||
| When he fucking hits these intense moments, like in The Revenant as well, it's another movie where he has these moments where like, fuck, you forget how good that guy is. | ||
| You forget how good he is. | ||
| Yeah, did you like Once Upon a Time or No? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Loved it. | |
| You did? | ||
| Loved it, except the Bruce Lee scene. | ||
| But that's, I'm a Bruce Lee fan. | ||
| I'm a dork. | ||
| Real disrespectful to Bruce Lee. | ||
| It didn't make sense. | ||
| Because... | ||
| Even though Bruce Lee was very confident, he deemed that he was arrogant. | ||
| That's what Quentin was saying. | ||
| I just don't think he was a Bruce Lee fan. | ||
| Has any athlete at that caliber not been arrogant? | ||
| Can you name me someone that good? | ||
| This is where things are swirly, right? | ||
| Because Bruce Lee wasn't like a professional athlete per se. | ||
| He was an actor, but he was also one of the most important martial arts pioneers ever. | ||
| Because he was like a true dyed-in-the-wool innovator. | ||
| And if you look at his skills, like when he did the Green Hornet and Game of Death and Chinese Connection, just his kicking and striking skills. | ||
| Off-the-charts technique. | ||
| Beautiful technique. | ||
| And for the time, very few people had technique like him. | ||
| In the later years, people's technique improved. | ||
| People had a chance to see more styles in video and see more of what's possible. | ||
| But if you go back and watch even legends like Jim Kelly and some of those other... | ||
| Joe Lewis, who was a heavyweight kickboxing champion, not the boxer. | ||
| You see those guys playing in movies. | ||
| Their technique was not as good as Bruce Lee's. | ||
| Why was his so sharp? | ||
| He just was a genius. | ||
| He's a genius martial artist. | ||
| He understood more about martial arts than anybody of his era because he understood that everyone was being imprisoned by ideology. | ||
| Like, if you were a judo guy, you had to stick with judo. | ||
| You couldn't learn Muay Thai. | ||
| If you learned Muay Thai, you'd be disrespectful to your master, disrespectful to your style. | ||
| And people get mad at you. | ||
| When I was training in Taekwondo and then I started kickboxing, my instructor did not like it. | ||
| They did not like it. | ||
| One of my instructors in particular did not like it. | ||
| Didn't think I needed to do it. | ||
| Thought I could get everything that I needed at there. | ||
| But I knew that wasn't true. | ||
| Because I was going to gyms and getting boxed up. | ||
| And I was like, okay, I'm getting my bell run. | ||
| I need to learn how to use my fucking hands better. | ||
| And I started going to boxing gyms. | ||
| You couldn't do that. | ||
| You weren't supposed to do that. | ||
| They were a little bit lenient with me because they knew I was a lawyer and I was an instructor. | ||
| I was trying to learn things. | ||
| But when you go to a kung fu school, if you thought you could go to a karate school, they would fucking beat you. | ||
| People would really kick your ass if they thought you were leaving to go train with a karate school. | ||
| It was real weird. | ||
| So back in the day, Bruce Lee was the only guy. | ||
| He was training in Wing Chun and quite a few other martial arts he studied, but then he started studying Western boxing, he started studying wrestling, he started studying judo, and he did some grappling training with Gene LaBelle, who was supposed to kind of represent the Brad Pitt character, but in a different way. | ||
| The Brad Pitt character is this ultimate badass stunt guy in that movie, and him and Bruce Lee get in a fight, and he kind of kicks Bruce Lee's ass. | ||
| He really fucks him up. | ||
| He really fucks him up. | ||
| Yeah, he kicks him into a fucking car, he folds the door. | ||
| The real story, when Bruce Lee met Judo Gene LaBelle, Judo Gene LaBelle was a stuntman, and he's a fucking gorilla. | ||
| He was a heavyweight or light heavyweight judo champion. | ||
| And I mean, a fucking bear of a man. | ||
| And he just picked Bruce Lee up, like he would pick up you or me, and walked around with him on his shoulder, just being cute with him. | ||
| And Bruce Lee was like, okay, teach me. | ||
| And Bruce Lee and him trained together. | ||
| And even in, I think it was Game of Death, in the opening scenes, he gets this guy, it's either in a crucifix or an armbar, I forget, but he gets this guy in a submission technique, which would be... | ||
| In the very first ever MMA gloves. | ||
| I don't know who invented those gloves, who designed them, but those gloves that Bruce Lee was wearing in, I think it was Game of Death. | ||
| Was it Game of Death or Enter the Dragon where he wore those gloves? | ||
| I think it was Game of Death. | ||
| Those gloves that he was wearing, they were just like UFC gloves. | ||
| Just like UFC gloves. | ||
| Just a little bit different. | ||
| A little more puffy than UFC gloves. | ||
| But anyway, he gets this dude down and gets him in a fucking arm lock. | ||
| And he taps him. | ||
| That's judo Gene LaBelle shit. | ||
| Like, LaBelle taught him how to do that stuff. | ||
| But what I was saying is like, it's not impossible that Bruce Lee would get beat up by someone like Gene LaBelle. | ||
| In fact, I would bet everything on it. | ||
| I would bet the fucking house. | ||
| If Bruce Lee had a fight with Gene LaBelle, Gene LaBelle would grab him and just like he would do you or just like you do me, he would choke him unconscious. | ||
| That's just facts. | ||
| This is just facts. | ||
| That's not the problem. | ||
| If they had that in the movie, that wouldn't be a problem. | ||
| The problem is they had Bruce Lee act like an asshole. | ||
| And there was no real evidence that he acted like that. | ||
| He was certainly confident, but it was also because he was a brilliant man. | ||
| And he knew he was brilliant. | ||
| He knew he was right. | ||
| He combined all these martial arts. | ||
| He was the first guy to combine things. | ||
| He was the first guy to take some of the kicks from Savat. | ||
| Which is like this French kickboxing style. | ||
| And he would combine them with movement of fencing. | ||
| He was really interested in fencing. | ||
| How they had these big entries. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he realized that there's like a technique to these big entries with the sword that you could apply with a punch. | ||
| And so he was into fencing. | ||
| And he was into everything, man. | ||
| He was a genius. | ||
| So what was Quentin trying to say? | ||
| He made him out to be a dickwad. | ||
| I don't think he knew him, and it was more fun for him to make him out to be that way. | ||
| Look, everybody in the movie was someone who they weren't, right? | ||
| All the Manson family winds up, spoiler alert, they turn the tables on them and they all get killed, and none of the innocent people die. | ||
| It's a fucking wild scene, the movie. | ||
| The thing is they made a guy who's a beloved historical figure, they made him out to be a dickwad. | ||
| When he's making these movies, they're just wild ass movies. | ||
| He does whatever he wants. | ||
| That's why those movies are so great. | ||
| I would never tell him what to do. | ||
| But I'm just saying the only thing I didn't like was that this guy who is this Is there an equivalent in other sports like Bruce Lee? | ||
| It's hard to say because he wasn't really a competitor. | ||
| He had maybe like one karate match that was recorded. | ||
| I'm sure he had some gym fights. | ||
| Everybody who got involved in martial arts had some kind of gym fights where they were real fights. | ||
| Is there someone who transcended their sport a little bit? | ||
| Other than, like, think of any other sport of that era, or it's more than a sport, right? | ||
| Fighting is, like, a little bit more personal. | ||
| What one person transcended the whole art like Bruce Lee did? | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| I mean, the only guy that, like, comes to mind that dynamically is such a remarkable athlete, like Bo Jackson, is maybe the most impressive... | ||
| Quiet, humble athlete that my generation's ever seen. | ||
| Bo Jackson was not only a pro baseball player but a pro football player and was fucking insane at both. | ||
| And when he was done, because of injury unfortunately, he relegated himself to still becoming this very centered athlete. | ||
| There's a video of him shooting bow and arrow with his toes and ripping bullseyes. | ||
| I mean, he's an incredible dynamic athlete who's very quiet and humble and was always kind of the guy who never boasted the way that his image was put up, right? | ||
| Like, his image was put up to a degree that was, like, one of the greatest of all—like, Bo knows. | ||
| He was a campaign. | ||
| He became a superstar. | ||
| But his image was based on his accomplishments, not based on him talking. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Bo was never a guy that was very, like, in-your-face and loud and boisterous, you know, like— A guy today would be like, you know, like Ochocinco, you know, like Chad Johnson. | ||
| All those guys, they're big, flashy, they're talkers. | ||
| I'm the shit. | ||
| Deion Sanders is a better example of a guy who was a football player and a baseball player. | ||
| Neon Deion, bro. | ||
| Showtime, all he did was talk about how good he was. | ||
| Bo wasn't that way, but in my opinion, was the most dynamic athlete I ever saw as a kid. | ||
| He was fucked. | ||
| He used to break baseball bats over his knee when he got mad if he struck out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it looked like me cracking a twig. | ||
| But if you try to find a video of him shooting that bow, it's the most impressive thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. | ||
| He whittles them and makes all of it himself at his house. | ||
| He lives up in the woods somewhere. | ||
| I swear to God, dude. | ||
| He was on my friend Steve Rinell's podcast. | ||
| He's incredible. | ||
| It's a really interesting episode. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah, he's got a bow-making shop. | ||
| He got really into bow hunting, but now he can't draw a bow back anymore. | ||
| His shoulders are so fucked up from football that he has to use a crossbow now. | ||
| I mean, he's one of those guys that was—I guess the only way I can compare him is just his humility was overwhelming. | ||
| He never really was a loud, boisterous guy when he—both when he played and after his career. | ||
| So that was the only thing that I think would parallel Bruce Lee because everything I know about Bruce Lee is like— But this is my difference. | ||
| He was a super accomplished athlete. | ||
| Bruce Lee was a movie guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a movie star. | ||
| It's a different animal. | ||
| Yeah, I guess that's true. | ||
| But from your perspective saying he was a martial artist, right? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| So then isn't that still true without the movie shit? | ||
| He was a phenomenal martial artist? | ||
| He was definitely a phenomenal martial artist. | ||
| Just didn't compete. | ||
| Didn't really compete. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I guess that's part of it. | ||
| But I mean, can you not compete and still be at the top of a thing? | ||
| I mean, is that possible? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know, man. | ||
| You know, that's the one thing that if I was going to make an argument against me as a commentator for the MMA, for MMA, I've never fought in MMA. Like, it's kind of hilarious that I'm a commentator for MMA. Even though I'm a fan of it and I know mostly what I'm talking about. | ||
| Imagine that's on the contract. | ||
| You must know most of what you're talking about. | ||
| That's what I know mostly what I'm talking about. | ||
| When it comes to wrestling, it's really interesting to work with guys like Dominic Cruz or work with Daniel Cormier. | ||
| Daniel Cormier in particular is one of the best wrestlers to ever compete in MMA. He's an active wrestling coach and Dominic does a lot of coaching too and a lot of MMA coaching too. | ||
| But both guys are so good at breaking down the technical aspects of it. | ||
| It makes you realize how little you really know about certain specialties. | ||
| But are they good at what you, the difference is, are they good at also articulating emotion and the public viewpoint? | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| I can give expert analysis of ground fighting. | ||
| Of ground fighting, I can give expert. | ||
| You know, not to blow my horn, but I know what's going on. | ||
| Like, the way a lot of people know what's going on with boxing, I can tell you what's going on with chokes and when someone's in trouble, when someone's not. | ||
| And I can see it because I've been strangled a million times. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I can see where he's in trouble. | ||
| I know what that is. | ||
| I'm like, this guy's in trouble. | ||
| And some people can't see that. | ||
| But most MMA fighters at a certain point in time, they know most basic shit in terms of positions and when things are dangerous. | ||
| But when stuff gets exotic, like weird rubber guard transitions or strange chokes, like people invent new chokes all the time. | ||
| There's always something new that you haven't seen before. | ||
| Like, how the fuck did he do that? | ||
| And then you have to go back and watch it again. | ||
| But do people think, how many people think that you did fight I don't think anybody does. | ||
| You don't think so? | ||
| You know, I kickboxed, and I mean, if anybody looks at my record, I had three kickboxing fights, and I don't know how many Taekwondo fights. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Probably a hundred. | ||
| What was your record? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I had two and one in kickboxing. | ||
| I lost my last kickboxing fight, but as far as Taekwondo, I have no idea. | ||
| I won the Massachusetts State Championship four years in a row, and I won, I think it was called the American Open, which is a big tournament that I won. | ||
| I came in second place in the US Cup. | ||
| That was a big thing that was in Connecticut, and I fought the national champion in the finals, and I thought I'd beat him. | ||
| That was when I was like 19, 20. That was when I was at my best. | ||
| When I was around 21 before I tried out for the nationals and I was going to try to make the Olympic team, That's when I was starting to box and kickbox and I was losing faith in Taekwondo. | ||
| I was realizing that I had a distorted perception of what I could do. | ||
| So you were way more engaged with boxing than you ever were with Taekwondo? | ||
| I was getting beat up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I would go to these kickboxing gyms, and when I would just, when I kickbox guys, I could kick them so hard, they couldn't get close enough to box me a lot of the time. | ||
| So I'd kick them in the arms, I'd kick them, and they'd be like, what the fuck? | ||
| And then I could, even though my hands weren't as good as those, my legs were so much better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because a lot of these guys couldn't kick at all. | ||
| So as long as we were starting at a distance, I could slam my legs into them, and they'd just be terrified. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, so many guys would just be, they would just try not to get hurt. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you can't kick. | ||
| That's a terrible feeling. | ||
| Yeah, a kick is so much scarier than taking them. | ||
| Because punches, I feel like getting into a fist fight, if someone fucking kicks you in a fist fight, I'm done. | ||
| I'm getting whooped. | ||
| It's so painful. | ||
| There's so much mass in the leg, and they're so heavy. | ||
| You don't realize how hard it is until you get hit. | ||
| Even just getting hit in the arm. | ||
| It fucking sucks so bad. | ||
| When someone slams their shin into your arm, you're like, motherfucker! | ||
| It sucks, dude. | ||
| But when I was boxing with dudes, I was getting lit up. | ||
| In particular, there was this one dude that I used to box with. | ||
| His name was Dangerous Dana Rosenblatt. | ||
| He wound up to become the Massachusetts or the New England middleweight champion. | ||
| Really good guy. | ||
| And I was sparring with him a lot. | ||
| In the beginning, he was beating my ass. | ||
| And I was like, damn, this kid wants to fight way more than I do. | ||
| Because I was already doing comedy at the time, and I was starting to realize, like, I've got to pick one or the other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then as I was getting into kickboxing, because around 21 was when I got into comedy, right after my 21st birthday. | ||
| And so when I was getting into, like, really into kickboxing was like 20 into 21. And at the same time, I was thinking about doing stand-up. | ||
| And at the same time, I was realizing Taekwondo was bullshit. | ||
| Not really bullshit, but it's incomplete. | ||
| The problem is it's incomplete if someone knows how to box. | ||
| Like when someone closes the distance on you, you don't know what to do with your hands. | ||
| You don't know how to protect yourself. | ||
| You don't know where the punches are coming from. | ||
| You're not used to it, and you have to get used to it. | ||
| And the only way to get used to it is to learn how to actually box. | ||
| And I didn't know how to actually box until I was like 19 and 20 when I started going to these other gyms. | ||
| And then... | ||
| When I when I realized I had these giant holes Trying out for Taekwondo like doing Taekwondo tournaments and I still competed in Taekwondo But less I wasn't excited about it anymore because I realized like this is if I want to be a complete martial artist like I want to follow like Bruce Lee's teaching I've found a hole in my game and I have to patch that shit up There's a whole part that I thought I knew how to do and I didn't I knew how to punch things like I could punch things hard But you think that's boxing until someone pops you with a double jab left hook Pop, | ||
| pop, whap! | ||
| And you're like, oh, no. | ||
| What is this nonsense? | ||
| When technique comes to play. | ||
| What is this lean hand uppercut you just fucking chin me with? | ||
| You think that's also because you're obsessed as a human. | ||
| You're obsessed with finding the next level of things, so you were leveling up, too. | ||
| Taekwondo just became kind of boring to you, too. | ||
| It wasn't that, because I still wasn't the best in the country. | ||
| I'd lost in the finals to the guy who was this... | ||
| Kareem Jabbar, I think his name was. | ||
| He sounds good. | ||
| He was good. | ||
| He was very good. | ||
| He was the national champion. | ||
| You know Kareem Jabbar's are good. | ||
| I lost a decision, but I'm telling you, I thought I won that. | ||
| But there was a lot of wacky decisions in Taekwondo. | ||
| I mean, I definitely lost a lot of fights, but there was ones that I won that I didn't get the decision. | ||
| Is it a point system? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a weird point system. | ||
| It's very similar to boxing. | ||
| Where, you know, you decide. | ||
| People decide. | ||
| I never understood, but I love boxing, watching my whole life. | ||
| I still don't get boxing scoring when you're like, where do they come up with these numbers? | ||
| It's just people that aren't good at it. | ||
| If you had elite boxing judges, that's what I used to love about HBO boxing. | ||
| It's like comedy judges. | ||
| Harold Letterman used to tell you what the score was. | ||
| He would tell you what the score was. | ||
| So he would say, this is how I have it. | ||
| I think Rosario has been doing the best work. | ||
| Break down the fight. | ||
| It was part of what was fun. | ||
| But anyway, I wasn't bored with it in that I achieved the highest of heights. | ||
| It was that I realized it had holes in it, like big holes. | ||
| Big holes. | ||
| Big holes, like if I was in a street fight with one of those boxers, and I was in a bar where I couldn't throw a kick, I would be in deep shit. | ||
| Deep shit. | ||
| And so I learned how to box. | ||
| But that was right... | ||
| I'm no expert. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| I'm not a guy who should be explaining... | ||
| Like, everything that's going on. | ||
| Yeah, but it's entertaining. | ||
| Like we talked about before the show, all these NFL guys are mad because Tony Romo got a $17 million contract. | ||
| And they're way better than him on the field than he ever was on the field. | ||
| A lot of these guys are getting paid way less than this dude was. | ||
| And they're like, how the fuck is this dude getting paid? | ||
| And he's just talking. | ||
| Yeah, and he's just chatting. | ||
| Well, that's what makes guys like Neon Sanders, Neon Deon, be so flamboyant. | ||
| Because that's where you get money, outside of just playing. | ||
| And the truth is, guys like Romo... | ||
| He does have, and this is something that you would share, his acumen for the game is so strong, but also his opinions are so real that he's not trying to save a job. | ||
| A lot of times these announcers, they're trying to just save a job. | ||
| They're doing the right thing. | ||
| They're being safe. | ||
| Yes, they're towing the line. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He'll call out an offense or a defense and say, well, this is why they fucked up that last play. | ||
| And I think America goes, oh, shit, that's great. | ||
| That's cool to know. | ||
| Versus someone just going, here's the play, and there's the play, and that's what happened, and okay, here, next. | ||
| I mean, people get bored of the same kind of announcers. | ||
| It's also his insight is going to be so much better than anybody who hasn't played the game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's so keen. | |
| He just came off the field. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's why in the UFC they do a great job with guys like Michael Bisping, who's a former middleweight champion. | ||
| He does a lot of commentary now, and he's great. | ||
| DC, DC commenting, yeah. | ||
| Dominic Cruz, Paul Felder, who's great at it too. | ||
| And all these guys that have fought before, especially at the really highest level, maybe even fought some of the guys they're doing commentary for. | ||
| They can give real insight as to things this guy does, what they train for, tendencies, stuff like that. | ||
| Do any of these ex-fighters ever become trainers or coaches? | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah, a lot. | ||
| Because that's like the thing in the NBA is like become a coach it's like they all want to become a coach not not as much in the NFL but NBA specifically it's big with that yeah but you know what makes me sad when fighters become coaches and then get fat well they all get fat dude a lot of them get fat not all of them I don't want to call anybody out there's a bunch in boxing there's a bunch in MMA and then you see them and you're like damn dude what's going on you ain't training I'm eating. | ||
| Well, when they're done fighting, man, they're just done. | ||
| They're just done. | ||
| Well, because a lot of these athletes, they spend their every waking moment like not doing the fucked up thing that we all get to do. | ||
| And so then when they get a break, I think at some point they're like, fuck it, dude. | ||
| But that was one of the reasons why it's so impressive that a guy like George St. Pierre takes four years off and comes back better than ever because he never stopped training. | ||
| You really never stop training, because he's a martial artist. | ||
| He's not just a fighter. | ||
| He fights professionally, and he's a world champion, but he's also a martial artist. | ||
| That's what he is. | ||
| So he's always training, and he trains because he enjoys it. | ||
| So when I see a guy like him that takes years off, you see him, he looks like a fucking Greek god. | ||
| He's sculpted. | ||
| He looks perfect. | ||
| Doesn't look like he's taking a day off out of the gym. | ||
| He looks as good, if not better, than he did when he was the welterweight champion of the world. | ||
| He looks amazing. | ||
| He doesn't gain anyway. | ||
| Isn't it more fun, though, to see a guy like... | ||
| Get fat as fuck? | ||
| Yeah, like the Fury fight. | ||
| Like, what a story to tell for a guy to get fat and then thin again. | ||
| Yeah, but that's different. | ||
| He's still a fighter. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| He had just a depressed moment in his life. | ||
| But we're talking about guys who become trainers after fighting, and they get fat. | ||
| That makes me sad, because I think they're sad. | ||
| Well, yeah, but they're also missing out on the thing that they used to get to do. | ||
| I mean, it's got to be weird to put on a suit as a coach or a trainer or whatever, put on the proper gear when you're not doing the thing anymore and watching it. | ||
| It's like I quit basketball my senior year because I liked partying a lot, and I was like... | ||
| I say this. | ||
| I found drugs and I was like, take it easy, basketball. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And a friend of mine invited me out. | ||
| We were getting stoned and he invited me to go to a game because we knew one of the rival school guys who were playing and we wanted to see him afterwards. | ||
| And I went and I was baked out of my head, but I was sitting in the bleachers watching them play and a piece of it killed me. | ||
| I didn't think it was going to affect me because I was like, I'm over basketball. | ||
| I'm never going to play in college. | ||
| It was fun while it lasted. | ||
| I got to move on. | ||
| But it did kill me, dude. | ||
| A piece of me was sitting there being like, fuck, this sucks. | ||
| I remember what that felt like, that thing. | ||
| And when I took it away from myself, it does fuck you up. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It stays in your brain, yeah, because you miss it. | ||
| You're playing a game. | ||
| You're trying to win. | ||
| They're trying to win, too. | ||
| The ball's going there. | ||
| No, it's over here. | ||
| I'm going to try to grab it. | ||
| Pass it to me. | ||
| Oh, I take the shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| You feel like a hero, right? | ||
| If you retired from comedy, if you went to see a stand-up show, it would eat you alive. | ||
| Probably, unless you were done. | ||
| Unless you're really done. | ||
| Are you really going to ever be done? | ||
| Not me. | ||
| Some people. | ||
| But who do you know of the greats that you love and respect are just done at some point? | ||
| Steve Martin. | ||
| He's still touring. | ||
| He's touring right now. | ||
| Yeah, but not really. | ||
| He's not doing stand-up. | ||
| He's doing this two-man show with Martin Short where I watched it. | ||
| They do stand-up-y bits, but I also think Steve is the music bug took over, which to me is still the same parallel. | ||
| He's still performing. | ||
| I think the music bug took over. | ||
| Well, he had it back then. | ||
| I mean, don't you remember, like, his stand-up albums? | ||
| Yeah, he had music. | ||
| Yeah, he had a bunch of songs. | ||
| But now he's, like, an outright musician. | ||
| That's all he wants to do. | ||
| So that, to me, it's still the same... | ||
| He's doing a different thing. | ||
| He's doing it differently, but he's still... | ||
| So, like, to me, I always think when someone goes, oh, yeah, when I retire, it's like, you're never gonna fucking retire from comedy unless it tells you you gotta go away. | ||
| I don't think comedy... | ||
| I don't think we ever quit. | ||
| I think it just... | ||
| Well, the thing is, if you can still do it, why would you stop? | ||
| You know how fun it is? | ||
| I mean, we talked about this before. | ||
| I feel bad for people who can't kill. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| You've never felt that? | ||
| You go on stage in the OR and just rock the house? | ||
| It's the best feeling in the world. | ||
| And when you got a new punchline, BAM! And it hits. | ||
| When you know it's coming to the way it feels. | ||
| And you see people happy. | ||
| You look out. | ||
| It's all these smiles. | ||
| Everybody's having a good time. | ||
| Everybody's happy. | ||
| You feel that. | ||
| You feel like you're making people feel good. | ||
| You're laughing. | ||
| That's why I think it'd be really hard to quit. | ||
| It'd be a sad moment to give that up. | ||
| You know when they say... | ||
| A guy retires, that's when he dies sometimes. | ||
| My old man retired, it's different, dude. | ||
| His lust for life is a little bit different now. | ||
| He's going through waves. | ||
| He's getting better, but it's weird, man. | ||
| It just feels like he's a people person. | ||
| He wants to be around people, and now that he doesn't have that anymore, I'm like, go get a fucking shitty job at a clothing store or something. | ||
| He's like, go get a bullshit job so you can talk to people, because being at the house is miserable. | ||
| He doesn't do shit all day. | ||
| He watches Fox News and eats beef jerky, and I'm like, get off. | ||
| Get the fuck out of the house, dude. | ||
| Dude, Fox News is designed for old people. | ||
| It's on loop. | ||
| It's on loop in the living room. | ||
| So many old people, when I go over to their house, they're watching Fox News. | ||
| Fox News, man. | ||
| White men over 60. It's mandatory. | ||
| They watch Fox News and shake their head. | ||
| I can't believe these libs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't believe them. | ||
| And see? | ||
| Lock her up. | ||
| Lock her up. | ||
| What are they trying to sneak in? | ||
| I don't believe them. | ||
| I don't trust them. | ||
| They run out of so much material. | ||
| Sometimes when I come home to my parents' house, they've run out of material to talk about on Fox News, and they start getting really heavy into pop culture. | ||
| That's when it makes me laugh. | ||
| They're like, did you see what Ariana Grande was doing the other day? | ||
| I'm like, this is when they're out of shit. | ||
| They got nothing to talk about. | ||
| They're empty at some point. | ||
| Well, it's... | ||
| Then you have guys like... | ||
| These shows are opinion shows as much as they are news shows. | ||
| They're mostly opinion shows. | ||
| A big part of it is opinion. | ||
| It's just such a weird time, man. | ||
| You know, what's really interesting to me, too, is if a liberal goes on Fox News, they get a ton of shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like any of the presidential candidates that have been on Fox News. | ||
| I think Yang... | ||
| I know Bernie's been on Fox News. | ||
| And I think Tulsi's definitely been on Fox News as well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people just get real mad at them. | ||
| Yeah, because there's this thing. | ||
| What are you doing over there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Talking to those propagandists. | ||
| Those fascists. | ||
| It's like the way that people talk about you is really funny when they're like, you know, when they label you with something. | ||
| Oh, there's our boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's Joe Biden doing? | |
| What happened? | ||
| There's our bud. | ||
| Oh, Biden was there too. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, I just wonder about his skin. | |
| Are they pulling it back with fishing wire to keep it up on his head? | ||
| He seems oddly stiff. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems like everything's pulled. | ||
| I expect a certain amount of laxity in a man's face when he reaches a certain age, particularly around the forehead area. | ||
| I'm just not seeing it. | ||
| I'm not seeing any movement either, which makes me wonder about that. | ||
| Like, I want to see expressions in your forehead. | ||
| My worry is his lack... | ||
| He has a very big... | ||
| He lacks the ability to have, like, a cohesive story. | ||
| Like, he's not good at being... | ||
| Like, have you ever seen him talking to the kids by the pool? | ||
| It's the weirdest fucking clip. | ||
| Talking about his hairy legs? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| He's like, to a bunch of little black kids, he's like, and the black kids would come up and they'd see my hair go up and bubbles come up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they'd touch my hairy legs. | |
| I just think his brain is he's losing a lot of I tweeted something this morning because there was someone put up a video of Models on a runway on a catwalk and they're all tripping and falling in the same spot these dumb shoes They're wearing and I was like this is Biden's brain cells It's like they think they're on the right path until they get this spot and then they just can't fucking Did you see the thing that he was talking about God creating women? | ||
| No, and then he called his wife his sister, you know the you know I forget what it was. | ||
| I forget what the gaff was. | ||
| But it was one of those, we listened to him, like, what are you saying? | ||
| Like, it's like he has no brakes. | ||
| Like, his car is going down the hill. | ||
| It's like, oh, geez, I hit a fucking tree. | ||
| He's like, hit the wall, fuck it. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Can't remember the word creator. | ||
| Refers to God as the thing. | ||
| Hey, actually, I like that more. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I have a different take on it. | ||
| Let's play it. | ||
| I have a different take on it. | ||
| Because when I listened to it, I said, oh, I know what he's doing. | ||
| Which one do you think it is? | ||
| The bottom one. | ||
| The second one. | ||
| He doesn't want to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
We owe these truths to be self-evident. | |
| All men and women created by... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know the thing. | |
| Stop. | ||
| Pause. | ||
| You can't be president. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Pause. | ||
| Pause. | ||
| Listen, we can't play any games here, folks. | ||
| This is a really old man who can't talk. | ||
| Like, this is not a joke. | ||
| Like, that right now. | ||
| You know the thing? | ||
| Play that again. | ||
| Play that again. | ||
| This should get you into a mental hospital. | ||
| They should be like, hey, Joe, you all right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We hold these truths to be self-evident. | |
| All men and women created by the... | ||
| You know the thing. | ||
| He had three strokes while he was saying that. | ||
| The first one, what was that word? | ||
| Self-evident? | ||
| Is that what he said? | ||
| We hold these truths to be self-evident. | ||
| But it didn't even sound right. | ||
| Hear it again. | ||
| Listen to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We hold these truths to be self-evident. | |
| Self-evident. | ||
| He's drunk. | ||
| That dude's either drunk or he can't talk. | ||
| We hold these truths to be self-evident. | ||
| He shouldn't be doing this anymore. | ||
| Self-evident. | ||
| And then he says, when he goes, he could have just said, all men and women are created, and he could have just said equal and gotten out of there and been like, fuck it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And instead he goes, the thing. | |
| I think he didn't want to say the creator because there's a lot of people... | ||
| The religious thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of people that would say, well, what are you trying to say? | ||
| Do you believe in evolution or not? | ||
| Are you a science denier, Joe Biden? | ||
| Joe Biden's a science denier. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But that's part of the problem with all these... | ||
| My biggest beef... | ||
| With anybody in the Democratic Party, when you watch these debates, is they all want to say the thing that they really feel, but they're tiptoeing because they're scared out of their fucking minds of someone going, Warren just said, see? | ||
| And she's anti-trans because they're waiting for them to fuck up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they're making people behave the way they would like them to behave. | ||
| They're forcing compliance. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Meanwhile, Trump is just like, trans, fags, I don't care. | ||
| Fuck them all. | ||
| He doesn't give a shit. | ||
| We were trying to find it yesterday. | ||
| Did you find that thing for Titania McGrath? | ||
| God, I love that dude. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's a really nice guy too. | ||
| The interview was great, but his perspective on the chaos is so perfect because he just takes a little bit of how dumb they are and just shows everybody and it says so much. | ||
| A little dumb tweet says everything you need to know. | ||
| He tweeted something today that was phenomenal. | ||
| I was trying to remember what I was looking for because I couldn't find it. | ||
| There was a series of – it was a tweet in response to a series of tweets about removing a flag that said woman, a noun, a female human. | ||
| And then people were saying that's a transphobic dog whistle. | ||
| You should remove that immediately. | ||
| And then he's like, that's true. | ||
| I forget the exact – Females have never been women. | ||
| Or women have never been females or something like that. | ||
| Female humans. | ||
| Yeah, female humans. | ||
| It's like – It's so great. | ||
| You find it – It's real recent. | ||
| Unless he's tweeting all day every day. | ||
| And they took down the flag. | ||
| Is it a response to a picture? | ||
| Here, I'll show you what I'm looking at. | ||
| Okay, show me what you're looking at. | ||
| Where did it start? | ||
| 20 hours, keep going. | ||
| Oh, this is two days ago, maybe. | ||
| Three days ago or something like that. | ||
| So you'll see there's a flag. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| See, first one. | ||
| Go to the first one. | ||
| See that? | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It says, hey... | ||
| Sefton Council. | ||
| Flag you're flying at the moment is a hostile transphobic dog whistle. | ||
| Recognizes a symbol and brand of one of Britain's most outspoken and visible trans antagonists and the leader of a transphobic hate group. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, he might be telling the truth there, though. | ||
| That might be something that really anti-trans people do fly as a flag, even though it is just the definition of a woman. | ||
| That might actually be true. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| See, the thing is, one thing is what it is. | ||
| What it is is a fact. | ||
| But if that's something, if it has some logo on it that represents some anti-trans group, does it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Can we find out if it does? | ||
| We should know because it's either one of two things. | ||
| Either it's crazy to say that it's transphobic because all it is is the biological scientific definition of a woman. | ||
| And it's woman empowerment is maybe the initial intention was to be like, women, go women, but underneath it all it might be some fucked up. | ||
| You can't say go women if it's women versus trans women. | ||
| You can say go women if it's women versus men. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But you can't say go women if it's women versus trans women because trans women are women. | ||
| You know what I say to women, Joe? | ||
| I say, get back in the kitchen. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| You probably do say that. | ||
| That's where you belong. | ||
| You do say that. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I say. | ||
| Fucking terrible. | ||
| So find out if that flag actually is the flag from a hate group. | ||
| Because if there was a transphobic... | ||
| Let's imagine. | ||
| Not someone who's like, hey, I don't think trans women should fight biological women and not tell them that they used to be a man for 30 years. | ||
| Which is my position. | ||
| This is what got me called transphobic. | ||
| That's not really transphobic. | ||
| Because I really don't care if you're trans. | ||
| I'm happy for you. | ||
| If it makes you feel better to be a woman or better to transition to a man, congratulations. | ||
| Really. | ||
| As an adult. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But... | ||
| There are groups out there that don't like trans people, like literally don't like them and think that they're all insane and that they all should be committed to mental institutions and that they should never call them by their female name and you should never treat them like they're a woman. | ||
| Maybe that was the head of that group. | ||
| That's a different perspective. | ||
| But it was a council. | ||
| He was tweeting it. | ||
| It's a government building, which is why I have a hard time believing it. | ||
| That's the angle. | ||
| That's why I'm like, who put the flag up? | ||
| Where'd the flag come from? | ||
| Click on that Clifton Council and see whom they are. | ||
| But that's the problem. | ||
| There's a difference, though. | ||
| There is. | ||
| But also, do you think... | ||
| Do you think that, just blankly, do you think that was the intention of that flag? | ||
| I think, most likely, if I was going to fly a flag that said woman, noun, a biological female, I was saying that a biological male is not a woman. | ||
| That's probably what I was saying. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Depends on why they're saying it. | ||
| Are they saying it because these... | ||
| Trans women are encroaching on female spaces, like female sports, or are they saying it because they don't think it's morally right for someone to transition to become a woman? | ||
| I mean, why are they saying it? | ||
| That's the question. | ||
| It's not what it is, because what it is is inarguable. | ||
| Yes, that's what a woman is. | ||
| The question is, do you think that a trans woman is the same as a biological woman in terms of the respect they deserve? | ||
| And whether or not you should treat them in a friendly manner. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or whether you should discriminate them or be allowed to discriminate against them. | ||
| That's where it gets weird, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I think... | ||
| I hear all this stuff and I just... | ||
| I think about that asteroid that's supposed to come and I'm like, hurry up. | ||
| I don't really give a fuck anymore. | ||
| I'm just fucking... | ||
| Dude, we got through the black plague. | ||
| You don't think we'll get through trans people? | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| We'll be fine. | ||
| No, I'm saying we don't... | ||
| All this nonsense... | ||
| I think global warming is going to be good for us. | ||
| I think we deserve to get out of here for a little while. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Get out of here for a little while. | ||
| I think the earth needs to start from scratch. | ||
| I think we need to get fucked off this planet and the earth needs to start again without us. | ||
| I think we're getting too heavy. | ||
| Or someone sounds like a quitter. | ||
| Yeah, I'm out. | ||
| Hey, hey, I'm done. | ||
| You sound like a quitter. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| The real problem is people trying to get people to comply with their perspective and not recognizing other people's perspectives and then being militant about supporting their side. | ||
| Yeah, but look, an educated person is cool with almost everyone doing what they want, what they please, right? | ||
| So what we're really doing is saying- For the most part. | ||
| Most educated people would go, do you care about trans? | ||
| I'd go, I hope they're fucking happy. | ||
| I don't care what anybody wants to do. | ||
| As long as it makes them happy and that's a part of their life that they choose to do, that no one's forced them to do, then I hope that they're happy. | ||
| Why would I care? | ||
| I think only uneducated people have a tough time accepting somebody else's needs or wants to be what society doesn't deem the norm. | ||
| You get more insecure. | ||
| Yeah, because if you're fucking educated, you have other things to think about and to worry about. | ||
| You have just educated people that are bigots. | ||
| Sure, sure, but I do think it's more rare. | ||
| Yeah, I think so too. | ||
| But I think there's a lot of really kind people that aren't educated. | ||
| I think really it's just... | ||
| Or ignorant, perhaps. | ||
| Maybe that's the thing. | ||
| Maybe there's a lot of... | ||
| Okay, so let's say this. | ||
| There's members of my family or friends or people that we know, quite educated, who are ignorant towards people, so they've never met a trans person, so they're a little weary of them, perhaps. | ||
| It doesn't mean they hate them. | ||
| It means they might go... | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I've never fucking seen one. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, let's be honest. | ||
| Before, people felt real comfortable, and they still don't really, but they're more comfortable now, I think, coming out than they ever were before. | ||
| Yeah, people should feel comfortable. | ||
| But my point is there wasn't that many of them. | ||
| Like, when we were kids, how many trans kids were in your high school? | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Yeah, but also there probably were kids that wanted to be trans. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| They just societally had this weird bar on them that was like... | ||
| That's what's weird. | ||
| It's like that bar has been lifted in some ways. | ||
| How many more bars are going to get lifted? | ||
| That's my whole thing too. | ||
| What else is next? | ||
| Foxkin. | ||
| People that are... | ||
| They think they're animals. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm cool with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you know about all that? | |
| I went to high school with some kids that thought they were animals for sure. | ||
| You know, there's always like a kid that wears ears and prances through the hallway. | ||
| Yeah, furries. | ||
| They're furries now. | ||
| And people are like, Mikey's funny, man. | ||
| You gotta let him fly. | ||
| If they get together, they have a good time. | ||
| You know, like those furry conventions? | ||
| Right, I've seen them before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You've seen those. | |
| They get together, they're having a good time. | ||
| But that's always sexual. | ||
| Like, it always turns into a... | ||
| It's never like a, we just do this because this is how we feel. | ||
| It's like, we like to fuck in costumes. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Yeah, and you take a peek as Woody the Woodpecker doll is about to fuck you. | ||
| You look at his herpes-ridden dick. | ||
| Like, what is going on? | ||
| Is this a personal experience? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happened? | |
| Oh, there's a person under there. | ||
| All sweaty, with staph infections and shit. | ||
| Imagine the perfect job for one of those kids in high school that wanted to be an animal is a mascot for a sporting team. | ||
| That's like the most... | ||
| They're just in there jerking off in between. | ||
| There's all these guys running around. | ||
| Everybody's going crazy. | ||
| Nobody knows who you really are under there. | ||
| You can dance around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Act silly. | ||
| It's probably hot as fuck in there though. | ||
| So we talked about this. | ||
| I went to a basketball game when I got home the other day and I was like, I wonder how much they make. | ||
| I wonder if they only do it because it's a free trip to the game because there's no way you can't make a lot of money doing it. | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| I would imagine you don't make a lot of money. | ||
| First of all, you're replaceable. | ||
| You just put that head on somebody else's body and no one's even going to know. | ||
| We're done with you, Dave. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Dance around. | ||
| I'm going to hire my nephew instead. | ||
| Whenever there's a mascot, like Ronald McDonald, you're like, hmm. | ||
| Yeah, why? | ||
| Yeah, and I remember there was some McDonald's, maybe I'm remembering this incorrectly, but didn't they used to have McDonald's where you could meet Ronald McDonald? | ||
| At some McDonald's? | ||
| He used to be, yeah. | ||
| The figure himself was at charity events a lot. | ||
| But there was a guy dressed up like him? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Yeah, but it wouldn't be at the location just on a random day. | ||
| There was always like, the Ronald McDonald House was a children's sponsorship, and they would do a lot of events. | ||
| He was out a little bit more. | ||
| But it's almost like a Santa Claus type deal. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I mean, if Ronald McDonald asked for too much money, they'd be like, bitch, nobody knows what you really look like. | ||
| Let's get a new Ronald. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| Why don't we use the same nose? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We got Ronald in Kansas is way better than you do. | ||
| We're shipping him in. | ||
| Tom's nose is the same size as your nose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And you have to switch the little red thing. | ||
| Mascots for fast food is very interesting. | ||
| I've never even thought about that, why that exists. | ||
| Burger King never had one. | ||
| It's for kids. | ||
| They're roping kids in. | ||
| But why Wendy's has Wendy? | ||
| Yeah, cute little girl. | ||
| Makes you want to go there and get a burger. | ||
| Taco Bell has Alejandro. | ||
| You know him. | ||
| Do you know him? | ||
| Alejandro the Taco? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| No, it's not a real thing. | ||
| I had that little dog for a while. | ||
| Yeah, that was... | ||
| Taco Bell had a little dog. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| You know, that's a comic. | ||
| No, that's a comedian that does that voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Carlos Equiziri. | ||
| Is that his... | ||
| I don't know how to say his name. | ||
| The guy from Reno 911? | ||
| He did it? | ||
| Yeah, the Yo'Kero Taco Bell. | ||
| Carlos Equiziri. | ||
| Look that up to make sure that I'm not out of my head, but... | ||
| Yeah, he did that campaign. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah, the Yo Quiero Taco Bell. | ||
| Yeah, but Burger King never had one. | ||
| They didn't need one. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Look at the King. | ||
| Remember, they have all those commercials with him. | ||
| He just doesn't talk. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't say anything. | ||
| He's not really like a fake. | ||
| He's just like a symbol more than anything. | ||
| I guess Wendy's didn't talk much either. | ||
| What was your fat out? | ||
| I had Dave Thomas, though. | ||
| He was the creator. | ||
| I mean, that's from Columbus, so I know a lot about it, but... | ||
| Wendy's would be from Columbus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We had White Castle. | ||
| That was our trash as a kid. | ||
| It's interesting if you have someone like In-N-Out that doesn't, they don't do fast food. | ||
| It's not really fast food. | ||
| I mean, it's pretty fast, but it's way better. | ||
| Yeah, it's medium fast. | ||
| But they actually cook it right there. | ||
| When you get it, it's just way better. | ||
| Oh, by far. | ||
| It's not even close. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, if you go by Burger King and you see, like, the drive-in, there might be one person there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You go by In-N-Out, that motherfucker's around the block. | ||
| Never not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| It's never not packed. | ||
| There's always a line. | ||
| And it's because it's a better product. | ||
| But how come they don't... | ||
| How come everybody else doesn't go, hey, I got an idea? | ||
| Why don't we make it better? | ||
| Did you watch the Founder movie? | ||
| Yeah, that's why. | ||
| The Founder? | ||
| The Founder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| About how they made it just—it was about speed. | ||
| Because McDonald's became a production line, and they learned that shipping burgers frozen was way more efficient, and they lost less product, and they also cost them nothing. | ||
| In-N-Out was willing to take a hit because they were a family-run business, and they were like, there's only a few locations. | ||
| We'll do better product for a little bit higher of a price and not franchise it yet. | ||
| Because now you can only franchise it if you're a member of their family. | ||
| You know that? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Keep it up. | ||
| Whatever they're doing. | ||
| You can only open a franchise if you are an extended member of the original family. | ||
| I'm happy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's great. | ||
| They keep it that way. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| Because if they went the other way, it would go to shit. | ||
| I mean, dude, you get raw onions on a double-double. | ||
| Woo, son. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It is the best. | ||
| But the thing about it is there's nothing comparable. | ||
| Like, there's no one else is doing it except Five Guys. | ||
| There's no one else is doing it like that. | ||
| Don't shake your fucking head at Five Guys. | ||
| I don't like Five Guys. | ||
| Five Guys can take a walk. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| Oh, how dare you both. | ||
| But Fat Burger is a sit-down restaurant in Southern California. | ||
| That's like a sit-down. | ||
| Fat Burger's pretty good. | ||
| And Whataburger and Fat Burger are on the same level to me. | ||
| They're like, you sit down when you eat. | ||
| Nobody drives through Fat Burger. | ||
| That's true, but maybe Fat Burger should be on that list. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| Burger stands are a thing here that really don't exist a lot of places. | ||
| There are a lot of still small places. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| How come Fat Burger doesn't have the kind of clientele base that In-N-Out does? | ||
| They drive through. | ||
| That's what it is? | ||
| Yeah, but I would also argue... | ||
| Don't they know about drive-thrus? | ||
| Why wouldn't they have a drive-thru? | ||
| But I bet you it has a lot to do with strategic locations as well. | ||
| I bet you In-N-Out puts itself in places where they know they're going to have... | ||
| No, there's a Fatburger right up here on Ventura. | ||
| It's in a great spot. | ||
| And it usually gets a few people in there. | ||
| But I'm saying it's never got the kind of lines, but he's right. | ||
| It's a drive-thru thing. | ||
| The other thing is Fatburger, they do the same thing. | ||
| They cook it right then when you order it. | ||
| I don't really do it. | ||
| I don't do it. | ||
| If I'm going to get out of the house and eat one of those, I'm going to have In-N-Out. | ||
| It's the only one I will really go to. | ||
| That burger's pretty good. | ||
| And I don't like Five Guys. | ||
| It's not a drive-thru either. | ||
| That's a fucking... | ||
| What's the one that came to L.A., everyone freaked out? | ||
| Steak and Shake. | ||
| Shake Shack. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because it came from New York. | ||
| Shake Shack, that's it? | ||
| Yeah, they had a huge line for like months. | ||
| Pass. | ||
| It's okay, but it's like a gourmet version of all... | ||
| They have critical fries, which is the problem. | ||
| It's a gourmet? | ||
| Is that good? | ||
| Yeah, like a gourmet chef. | ||
| Isn't that the place that was in Ohio that was outside of the Funny Bone? | ||
| No. | ||
| What was that place? | ||
| Probably some local Columbus place. | ||
| That's how you really want to get diarrhea. | ||
| That's some Shaq thing, some Shake Shaq or Steak. | ||
| Oh, Steak and Shake. | ||
| Steak and Shake? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| See, my fucking dumbass had those two. | ||
| Like, oh, it's that one. | ||
| My dumbass had those two connected. | ||
| That's not even hamburger. | ||
| Those are technically steak patties or steak burgers. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's like an old. | ||
| But they have that Columbus chili with spaghetti. | ||
| So that's Skyline chili. | ||
| That's a Cincinnati thing. | ||
| Yeah, but they have that in Columbus as well. | ||
| Yeah, all over Ohio. | ||
| That's all over the Midwest. | ||
| That Wisconsin does that. | ||
| Chili with spaghetti. | ||
| They do it up here. | ||
| Pretty goddamn good when you're drunk. | ||
| Oh, dude, go to Chili John's here in the Valley. | ||
| You never heard of Chili John's? | ||
| No. | ||
| They do that. | ||
| You know Chili John's in Burbank? | ||
| You never heard of it? | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| There was a guy from the Midwest. | ||
| He put one over there. | ||
| There's a few places that you hear about when you're like, oh, that's real? | ||
| Did you know there's a 24-hour steakhouse in downtown LA? What? | ||
| Pacific Dining Cart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like a legit 24-hour steakhouse. | ||
| I'm writing it down. | ||
| You and I can go there tonight at 4 in the morning. | ||
| Let's fucking go. | ||
| And get a legit steak. | ||
| Like a fucking bone-in ribeye, medium-rare mashed potatoes with the fucking sour cream and chives, kid. | ||
| How come I never heard of this before? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I haven't eaten at it. | ||
| I've eaten at the one in Santa Monica. | ||
| Save. | ||
| But one of the writers... | ||
| I don't fucking... | ||
| I don't remember which show it was on. | ||
| I forgot which writer told me about this. | ||
| But it was quite a few years back, and I looked into it. | ||
| There's a 24-hour Pacific Dining Cart in downtown LA. 24 hours. | ||
| You're the only guy I've ever had steak with at 1.30 in the morning. | ||
| You're the only dude of my whole life. | ||
| 36 years I've been on the earth, and you're the only guy that we go on tour together. | ||
| It'll be me and you, and we'll be late night, and you'll go, you're hungry? | ||
| And I'll go, yeah. | ||
| But usually I'll go, I'll just, you know, whatever, eat something small and quick. | ||
| And you're like, let's go get a big fuck-off steak. | ||
| And we will. | ||
| Well, the good thing about going to big cities like New York or Chicago, there's always some weird spot that serves food real late, you know, four o'clock in the morning, kitchen's open till three. | ||
| You're like, really? | ||
| And if we call and they're like, I'm like, I'm kind of like, Joe. | ||
| They're like, okay, we're open. | ||
| We're open. | ||
| We just reopened. | ||
| We closed, but we reopened. | ||
| We've had that happen a couple times. | ||
| That was very nice. | ||
| It's been great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's been great. | ||
| That was Dallas, right? | ||
| Didn't we do something like that in Dallas? | ||
| Was it in Dallas? | ||
| Dude, the days are... | ||
| I'm bad with that overware. | ||
| Late night's take after a fucking great show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| No, it is the best. | ||
| Late night eating has changed. | ||
| Comedy will change the way you eat. | ||
| It's so funny when you're young in comedy, you eat a certain way because you don't have any fucking money. | ||
| And then when you get along in your career, you get to eat better and you eat so different. | ||
| Your hours change. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Like when people ask me what time I eat lunch or breakfast, I'm like, all that shit is depending on where I am and where I'm going. | ||
| People say it's not good to eat late at night. | ||
| And I think really, it's just food. | ||
| I think the real problem is eating too much food. | ||
| So when I eat late at night, I don't eat the next day until like 1 in the afternoon or later. | ||
| I don't eat breakfast most of the time if I eat late at night. | ||
| I get up and I work out. | ||
| I do something. | ||
| I might not eat until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Don't they say it's what you eat? | ||
| It's not when you eat. | ||
| Yeah, if you're eating bullshit. | ||
| It is a little bit when you eat. | ||
| I mean, if you eat and then just go to sleep, that's not the best. | ||
| It really should be moving around. | ||
| Your body could probably digest things better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The real problem is what you eat. | ||
| When you're on the road, man, it's so easy to eat bullshit. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's so easy to fuck off and start eating candy and eat whatever nonsense trail mix you see at the fucking... | ||
| There's bullshit everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, you could pretend the trail mix is nutritious because it's got nuts in it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's got M&Ms. | ||
| Yeah, you just ate three bags of M&Ms, though. | ||
| Yeah, you ate so many M&Ms. | ||
| And then, you know, some of them have chocolate chips in them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even better. | ||
| That's the best version. | ||
| That's not good for you. | ||
| None of that stuff's good for you. | ||
| No, and especially because when I go on the road, you know, like I like the sauce. | ||
| So if I go to a bar. | ||
| The sauce. | ||
| I'm going to have the sauce and I'm going to have a couple of wings. | ||
| It's a part of the thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just so hard to not do that, you know? | ||
| Well, especially after you're tired. | ||
| See, the thing about those shows, too, is like, especially when we have nights where we do two shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're fucking cooked. | ||
| Yeah, you're tired. | ||
| You know, you put out a lot of energy and there's a lot of concentration involved. | ||
| There's a lot of anticipation. | ||
| And then when they're over... | ||
| And then you're like, fuck, I'm hungry. | ||
| Because if we do two shows, that means we're going to do an 8 and a 10. I mean, the 10 is over at midnight-ish. | ||
| We're going to eat somewhere around 1. That means we're not eating between... | ||
| I won't eat two hours before a show, so that means I ate at 6. Right. | ||
| So, you know, it's like 7, 8 hours later, you're fucking starving. | ||
| Yeah, you're ravaged. | ||
| You're starving. | ||
| Last time we did that, when me, you, and Tony were together, we ate at 4.30, we had dinner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like Austin fucking geriatrics eating dinner and then 1.30 in the morning. | ||
| But if you do that, you get real fuel for the show. | ||
| Eating right before a show is the kiss of death. | ||
| Can't do it. | ||
| Yeah, it just slows you too down. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Yeah, it slows you down too much. | ||
| It gets too heavy. | ||
| And I'm trying to be more focused on, like, when I get to the hotel, I just go right to the gym. | ||
| Yep, that's what you gotta do. | ||
| It's so painful. | ||
| But it's a thing you have to do. | ||
| Like, this is what I do. | ||
| I don't have an option. | ||
| You go straight to the gym. | ||
| If you give yourself an option, you'll fuck off. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Well, I used to just get to the hotel, jerk off, and then nap. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Every single time. | ||
| I'd go, I'm gonna nap, and jerk off. | ||
| There's no way I'm not gonna do this. | ||
| And now I jerk off in the gym. | ||
| The other thing is I always have phone calls that I have to make or emails I have to answer. | ||
| And if I start fucking around with those things, it could be an hour later and then I watch a YouTube video. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Then I have to Google it. | ||
| How the fuck? | ||
| And the next thing you know, I'm down a rabbit hole and it's an hour and a half later and I'll tell myself, yeah, but I think I've got a good bit of this fucking... | ||
| This praying mantis bit is going to kill. | ||
| These Mongols with their flying eagles that they use to kill wolves. | ||
| I think there's something in that. | ||
| But it does do. | ||
| Sometimes you do get such a good bit from going down these stupid little wormholes for no reason. | ||
| Yeah, how did people ever even write jokes in the 80s? | ||
| I don't even know how I did it. | ||
| There was so much more observational humor. | ||
| There was so much more observational humor. | ||
| That's like the Seinfeld era of like, by the bus, you get on a bus, you get in a train. | ||
| That's why airplane jokes got quote-unquote played out because it was like, that's all people had. | ||
| There was no fucking internet. | ||
| They weren't walking around with the internet in their pocket. | ||
| And comics would always talk about airplanes because they were always traveling. | ||
| So it would be hotel, room service, knock-knock, do not disturb, like all these themes. | ||
| What does do not disturb mean in Spanish? | ||
|
unidentified
|
LOL! The maid comes in. | |
| I'm coming. | ||
| We're all coming! | ||
| I know you sound like we're shitting on Seinfeld, like I'm doing an impression of Jerry, but I'm not just the idea. | ||
| That era was like there was limited subject matter. | ||
| There was limited things to talk about. | ||
| Do you think that bubble, that comedy bubble from then is the same as now or now is bigger? | ||
| I don't think the bubble's the same. | ||
| I think the bubble that people had in the 80s, it's like people were just falling in love with stand-up comedy. | ||
| This is what we have to realize, and this is where it's really crazy. | ||
| It's really hard to imagine, but this is true. | ||
| When you think about the bubble, let's go back to 1980, stand-up comedy, and Jerry Seinfeld, please welcome this guy and that guy, and all these different comics that were really popular in the 80s. | ||
| That was only 40 years ago, okay? | ||
| So you go 40 years before them, you have nothing. | ||
| You have no stand-up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, you literally have jokes. | ||
| You have guys who do MC work at different clubs, they'll bring up a band, and then they'll do like the Don Rickles thing, they'll pick on guys in the audience. | ||
| And then Lenny Bruce comes along in the 50s, in the late 50s and the 60s, and Lenny Bruce gets arrested a bunch of times for talking, for explaining things, for... | ||
| Talking about how he really sees things, for using words that are forbidden, for talking about subjects that are taboo. | ||
| He does a different thing. | ||
| Nobody had done that before. | ||
| There's this new thing. | ||
| And then Mort Sahl does political humor, and then George Carlin changes from being this Johnny Carson-type seven-minute set on late-night TV guy with a suit on to being this hippie who talks about the dirty words you can't use on television, the seven dirty words. | ||
| And everything shifted, but that didn't happen that long ago. | ||
| So in the 1980s, people still didn't understand what it was. | ||
| So a guy would go on stage, and he looked like a comedian, so he assumed he was a comedian, because he knew how to talk like a comedian. | ||
| He's like, what's going on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is this? | |
| Wild Kingdom taking place in my house. | ||
| I got a cat. | ||
| I got a mouse. | ||
| Let's get them together. | ||
| Like there was comedy that wasn't really comedy. | ||
| It's like they were almost like premise merchants and they never figured out how to bring it to real comedy. | ||
| They just had a bunch of tricks and a bunch of like half duct taped premises but they sounded like a comedian. | ||
| I mean I told my wife if that's what you need to do you go right ahead. | ||
| And then everybody rushes. | ||
| Nobody laughs really hard, but they get that there's a rhythm going on. | ||
| They think they should go along with it. | ||
| Those guys get into the workplace, right? | ||
| They become part of the ecosystem, and they actually had careers. | ||
| But their boats start taking water, and they drown, and they all sink. | ||
| And they all went away. | ||
| If you go back to those days of the 80s and the early 90s, there was a whole bunch of comedians that were doing some weird thing. | ||
| They were mimicking the sound of stand-up comedians and talking about things that comedians talk about. | ||
| But they were missing, like, you know when you have cement, you gotta add a bunch of shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But if you only add three of those things, you just get this, what is this? | ||
| That's what they have, missing something. | ||
| So that was a different boom. | ||
| That was like people didn't know what comedy was. | ||
| Like, we're gonna go see some comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're at the local comedy hut, and here comes the guy with the tie and the rolled up sleeves. | |
| Hey! | ||
| But now they're obsessed. | ||
| Now it's an obsession. | ||
| Now comedy's become like this. | ||
| The fandom, I think, is something that I can't articulate. | ||
| It's wild to watch. | ||
| It's definitely different. | ||
| I mean, you've seen way more than I have in that sense. | ||
| But even when I first started in comedy, the fandom wasn't the same. | ||
| People didn't lose it like they do now when they meet all of these comics and go see them live. | ||
| I think it's a good thing. | ||
| It's just wild to see it's become... | ||
| Bigger than stand-up a little bit. | ||
| It is a weird thing. | ||
| It's a weird thing for sure. | ||
| But I think one of the things that's different is how prolific the comics of today are and how much stuff they're putting out. | ||
| If you look at a guy like Burr or Ali Wong or... | ||
| I mean, look at anybody who... | ||
| Segura, someone who regularly cranks out really good specials. | ||
| Like, the output's incredible. | ||
| Yeah, no, it's way stronger. | ||
| Every two years or so, they're putting out this murderous new special, and they're constantly working at it. | ||
| And that just didn't happen before. | ||
| And Binder was talking to me about that. | ||
| Binder is doing that documentary on the comic store. | ||
| Yeah, I did something important. | ||
| We were talking about how he was saying that those days people didn't work that hard. | ||
| They had one special, maybe, and then the next special would be years later if they ever had one again. | ||
| And they would have material that just was tried and true, and they would stick with it. | ||
| And he's like, I come in here and I see these guys just constantly cranking over and turning over new material. | ||
| And it's just a different kind of thing. | ||
| And those guys that I was talking about that were around before that kind of sounded like comedians, but they were missing something. | ||
| You know what they're really missing? | ||
| Embracing it as an art form. | ||
| They were using it as a way to try to get a sitcom. | ||
| They were using it as a way to try to get fame and to try to get success. | ||
| But they weren't in love with the idea of being an artist. | ||
| They weren't in love with the idea of crafting a new bit and trying it and tweaking it and getting it going and making it happen. | ||
| What am I doing wrong? | ||
| What am I doing right? | ||
| What should I do more of? | ||
| What should I do less of? | ||
| And then putting it all together in this fucking, like you're using alchemy, man. | ||
| You've got a sorceress hat on. | ||
| You're mixing this bitch together to boom! | ||
| All of a sudden it gets this big giant laugh. | ||
| Like you've conjured up some magic and you can get that big pop. | ||
| Yeah, the chemistry is unbelievable. | ||
| When it works... | ||
| Also, when you say a joke one different way and you're like, fuck. | ||
| And it doesn't go the way that it's supposed to go. | ||
| I do that all the time on purpose and ruin jokes just to see if there's a better way. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, why'd I rearrange the words? | ||
| But you have to think you have a certain number of sets, right? | ||
| If you don't rearrange the words sometimes, you don't know that magic spot. | ||
| Like, you miss the magic spot. | ||
| You know, it's like you ever... | ||
| I accidentally almost give your missus the old one in the old bum hole because you're looking for the spot and you missed a spot and you're like, hey! | ||
| Well, that's what I tell her. | ||
| I go, I was on accident. | ||
| Whoops! | ||
| Nah, it was purpose. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I was aiming. | ||
| You shouldn't say that on the internet. | ||
| No, I don't let her listen to stuff. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah, she's not allowed to listen to anything. | ||
| She stays in her cage. | ||
| Jamie, don't laugh at that. | ||
| That's not funny, dude. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| That is not funny. | ||
| I keep her where she belongs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what, Jamie? | |
| I think you're allowed to laugh because I don't think he means what he's saying. | ||
| I think what he's doing is called talking shit. | ||
| Dead serious. | ||
| I think he's talking shit, and it's confusing. | ||
| It confuses me sometimes. | ||
| You're right, though, that the goal was, like, could I get a TV special from it or a TV series? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's changed so much that, like... | ||
| Bro, those guys wanted to make it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, they wanted to be in. | ||
| They wanted to be accepted. | ||
| They were on the outside, and they were hungry and ambitious, and then they wanted to make it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then they got in. | ||
| And when they got in, they were, you know, like, Kinnison doing the fucking intro to a Jon Bon Jovi video. | ||
| That kind of shit. | ||
| Like, you're partying with those guys. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They wanted to be... | ||
| You're in. | ||
| Fame was so much more appealing back then. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, you know, please welcome Sam Kinnison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Da-da-da-da! | |
| Right. | ||
| And he'd raise his arms. | ||
| Hey, ladies and gentlemen, hey! | ||
| You know, and sit down on the couch. | ||
| It's like, you're famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what people wanted. | ||
| They wanted to be the famous guy who did shows, and you did shows. | ||
| Like, even Jenny, who was one of my personal favorites, who was, in my opinion, one of the great... | ||
| Richard Jennings. | ||
| Richard Jennings was a fucking amazing comic. | ||
| He hated it, man. | ||
| He didn't want to do The Road. | ||
| He wanted a sitcom. | ||
| He wanted to be a movie star. | ||
| He wanted to be Jim Carrey or Tom Cruise or someone on a sitcom. | ||
| He wanted to be Seinfeld. | ||
| It's funny because I do TV sometimes and you give me shit about it all the fucking time. | ||
| But it pales in comparison to the way I feel about stand-up. | ||
| But it is something I still love, the performance of it. | ||
| But if you said it'd be gun to my face, there's no way I would give up. | ||
| I mean, I just couldn't do it. | ||
| I mean, my goal, if my ultimate goal, if someone's like, what is the ultimate goal? | ||
| Is to tour for as long as I can to crowds that are there to see me. | ||
| To me, there is nothing I could do on TV. There's no fucking Quentin Tarantino role I could ever get that would feel as good... | ||
| As being in a room with people that fucking paid money to watch you do it, no way. | ||
| I would give up the other shit in a heartbeat. | ||
| No, of course, but there's nothing wrong with doing the other shit. | ||
| If you enjoy doing it, I give you a hard time because it's fun to give you a hard time. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You love shitting on me about doing that stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but look, I got to do Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David. | ||
| Oh, that's different. | ||
| I would never shit on you for that. | ||
| That was a pinnacle for my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a different thing. | |
| Yeah, I told them I would have paid them money. | ||
| Only a few times have I been so into a thing where I push my agents and go, I'll fucking, I'll lose a lot of money just to have the opportunity to try it. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Like Galifianakis' show Baskets on FX, I used to love that show. | ||
| I mean, it's a great show. | ||
| I'm not used to, but I even said, I said, tell them I will do anything. | ||
| I'll be in the background because I think that show is so fucking good. | ||
| Did you ever watch it? | ||
| No, I haven't heard of it. | ||
| God, it was so... | ||
| I just heard of it just now for the first time. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It was a show on FX that Galifian X created. | ||
| Oh, it's not on anymore? | ||
| I don't know if they're still doing it. | ||
| I don't know if it's still on. | ||
| I'm disconnected right now. | ||
| I love Zach, though. | ||
| It's just you can't keep up. | ||
| There's too many things on. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| I don't know what's on and what's going and what's coming anymore. | ||
| They're passing by you in the night. | ||
| Working with Larry was one of those moments of making him break. | ||
| That's what it really is. | ||
| Making that guy laugh to me was like... | ||
| Yeah, he's Larry David, man. | ||
| He's a wizard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a guy who I can tell... | ||
| His comedy was perfect for this and not the stage. | ||
| You know how they talk about how he's not a good stand-up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know why. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| When you meet a comedian and you go, I know why you're not a stand-up, but you're great at this thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's exactly what he is. | ||
| He's a genius with this live interactive aspect of acting comedy. | ||
| He's so good at that and writing the scenes. | ||
| Thank God he found it, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's wild. | ||
| Thank God he found it. | ||
| But I have seen those tapes of him doing old stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I've seen some clips. | ||
| He, you know, I bet he made the comics laugh. | ||
| I bet it was one of those things. | ||
| He was a comics comic for sure. | ||
| Yeah, I bet if we were in the back of the room, we'd be howling. | ||
| Do you know who's on top of his fucking game right now? | ||
| David Tell. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I don't think I've ever... | ||
| I rarely see him miss. | ||
| Did you see him at the improv last week? | ||
| No, I watched him and Ross at the store when they were both in town. | ||
| Tony and I did a show at the improv last Wednesday, and Attell did the late show. | ||
| God damn, he was good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God damn, he was good. | ||
| He was so funny and so silly. | ||
| He's effortless. | ||
| Effortless. | ||
| And it's so... | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It's all silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it's jokes go into jokes go into jokes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He hasn't changed his sensibilities because of all the woke backlash. | ||
| It's still balls-out comedy, really well-written stuff, really funny, and just such a good guy, man. | ||
| I think he's reminding everybody we're still comedians. | ||
| We're just comics. | ||
| Most of us realize that. | ||
| The ones who've backed off, they're the ones who have a deep... | ||
| to the business. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The ones who are like really connected to the business, like they're executive producing sitcoms and they're a part of this and a part of that. | ||
| They've backed off the wild shit. | ||
| Well, because they know that it's a threat to them. | ||
| It's self-policing. | ||
| And they'll still talk like that in the green room. | ||
| They'll still make you laugh in the green room. | ||
| But they're scared. | ||
| You know, everyone's scared of getting called out now for jokes, which is just... | ||
| I mean, I get that people haven't decided to make this distinction, but there's a giant distinction between someone talking about something because this is their actual feelings on something, and someone saying ridiculous shit that they don't really believe because it's funny. | ||
| And when you stop that in any way, as soon as you try to step that for yourself, or if you're trying to get someone else to stop it, what you're really doing is you're enforcing a particular, very narrow band of behavior. | ||
| And if you get stuck in that narrow band of behavior, it's real hard to see outside of it. | ||
| It's real hard to see that this is ridiculous. | ||
| And as a comic, when you see comics getting mad that other comics are touching on certain subjects or using certain language, it's like, oh... | ||
| You're missing the whole thing. | ||
| You missed the whole thing. | ||
| That's a mole. | ||
| I feel like that's a mole inside of the operation. | ||
| When someone's like, I don't like when he does that stuff. | ||
| And you're like, oh no, man. | ||
| I can't believe you're still saying bitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know the depth of what that word means for people? | ||
| Do you know what that does? | ||
| That's my favorite. | ||
| Do you know what that does? | ||
| Please tell me, chubby white guy. | ||
| Please tell me. | ||
| Well, that's like, there was a dude, there's a guy who had a great tweet. | ||
| I don't want to say his name because, you know, I don't know if he wants it out or whatever, but like, he basically had a tweet and he got a lot of backlash from the community because he was like, all these East Side comics that used to shit on the comedy store for a lack of quote-unquote diversity, they're the same people. | ||
| And he's an East Side guy. | ||
| He goes, as one, I'm saying, these are the same guys that get, you know, that pay no mind to the fact that we're living in a gentrified, used-to-be Mexican neighborhood and our audiences are all fucking white dudes with beards that look the same. | ||
| Bah! | ||
| And he got a lot of shit, but I was like, yeah, fuck. | ||
| And I hit him up, and I was like, yeah, you're right, though. | ||
| This old idea that the store used to be, it's just a bro-bro hangout, and it's all there is. | ||
| It's like, dude, there's so many different kinds of people on that lineup. | ||
| Way more than you see when you go to other shows. | ||
| The only people that say that are the people that can't work there. | ||
| It's very simple. | ||
| Yeah, it's jealousy, yeah. | ||
| It's 100% jealousy. | ||
| People are mad, yeah. | ||
| I mean, there's people that think that maybe there's a style that you see at the comedy store that they don't appreciate. | ||
| That's okay, but the styles, it varies so much from Jeslenek to Dahlia to you to Hinchcliffe to Diaz to Owen Smith. | ||
| Sklarbrother. | ||
| You're talking about people that—this is all over the fucking map. | ||
| It's all over the map, yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think that's why I love the tweet. | ||
| Laura Beetz or Ally Makovsky. | ||
| There's so many different sort of styles of comedy out of that place now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't say it's all bros. | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| It's just good comics. | ||
| That was the old way, which I'm glad he was being... | ||
| He was like, no. | ||
| These people are just free-thinking, pushing out new, weird, fucked-up, sometimes challenging shit because the store supports it. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| It's like now we finally have a place where it's like... | ||
| You could say it there. | ||
| There's no freedom in suppressing people's ability to express themselves. | ||
| You just create an environment where everybody's scared to be themselves or everybody's scared to take chances. | ||
| If you're scared to take chances, look... | ||
| If you don't push the boundaries, you don't find out where they are. | ||
| You create your own boundaries. | ||
| When you're doing material and you're trying to come up with a bit, sometimes a bit in the beginning is highly offensive, but then you turn it into something that everybody accepts and it's great. | ||
| This was the real argument for Louis C.K. when Louis C.K. had a recording of his leaked. | ||
| And there was a bit where he was talking about these kids were survivors of school shootings. | ||
| He's like, you're not interesting just because you push some fat kid in the way. | ||
| Like, and you're laughing. | ||
| See, he got a lot of shit for that. | ||
| And people were saying it like it's cruel. | ||
| And other comics said it was hacky. | ||
| And there's like, first of all, he hadn't done comedy in 10 months. | ||
| Second of all, you know how comedy works. | ||
| That was a seed. | ||
| He's working it out. | ||
| That was not a plant. | ||
| He wasn't delivering a fucking origami plant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| What's those called? | ||
| The little small ones. | ||
| What? | ||
| They're not origami. | ||
| Bonsai. | ||
| He wasn't delivering a perfectly trimmed bonsai. | ||
| I'm like origami. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Perfectly trimmed bonsai tree that they sell on the side of the road. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This was a seed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That could have been an incredible bit. | ||
| Because it's already kind of funny that these people that are on television all the time are the survivors of a school shooting, and that they might just be survivors. | ||
| They don't necessarily have to be interesting. | ||
| Now, he didn't, in his defense, have any time to prepare. | ||
| He had 10 months of no stand-up, then he just does stand-up, and he gets some laughs off this premise. | ||
| That premise in six months could have been a fucking nuclear bomb. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He would have figured out a way to expose how goofy it is that just because someone survives a massacre, we want to parade them on CNN every couple weeks and ask their opinion about gun control and about various things. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| Look, someone's going to have a fucking great bit about Greta Thunberg. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| You've got some 16-year-old kid that seems weird to begin with, and then she's on TV going, how dare you? | ||
| And you're like, what is this? | ||
| And then you keep seeing her over and over and over again. | ||
| Who's putting her on TV over and over and over again? | ||
| You fucking people are. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| In a lot of ways, it's kind of the same. | ||
| Why is she interesting? | ||
| Because she's 16 and dealing with climate change as opposed to him, who's 29, or her, who's 50, or him, who's 82. Like, what are we talking about? | ||
| She's got some random person who wants to say how dare you about climate change? | ||
| And they're gonna stop going to school until someone does something about it? | ||
| They're on strike? | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Is this really what's on the news? | ||
| It's just a ploy for her to get out of going to school. | ||
| She's like, I don't like school. | ||
| They're like, you don't have to if you can sail around the world. | ||
| I just think that whole thing about they find what works for them categorically because she's a good look, and they're like, push her, push her, push her, push her. | ||
| See, that's why when you go back to Louie's bed about the school shootings, yes, it's gross to make fun of someone who survived a school shooting, but that's what he does. | ||
| He tells jokes in the moment. | ||
| You know that he's saying something that's awful that you're not supposed to say, so you laugh. | ||
| It's not how he really feels. | ||
| So for you and comics to pretend that that's how he really feels, that's fucking disgusting what you're doing. | ||
| Yeah, they know better. | ||
| Not only do you know, you're being deceptive, or you really don't understand comedy, in which case you should stop. | ||
| Just stop doing it, because you don't understand it. | ||
| And you also don't understand the process, or you're at least... | ||
| I bet if you asked him... | ||
| Like, is that ready for Netflix release? | ||
| He'll be like, no! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No way. | |
| I haven't done comedy in 10 months. | ||
| I was hoping that bit would come into something. | ||
| These are notes he's going off of, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He wrote shit down. | ||
| He had some ideas. | ||
| Trying it out. | ||
| He finally gets on stage to fuck around with it and somebody records it and puts it on YouTube. | ||
| Well, he's... | ||
| Apparently, I haven't seen him, but from the grapevine, I've heard that he's touring. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Murdering. | |
| His new hour is murderous. | ||
| Murdering. | ||
| Of course he is. | ||
| And I'm curious to know what platform or where he's going to go with it, right? | ||
| He's got to be independent, I'm sure. | ||
| I think he's going to release it on his website. | ||
| Right, because people are too afraid. | ||
| He's recording very soon. | ||
| Oh, he is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Maybe I know something. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Look, I want to see it. | ||
| I want to see it before he records it. | ||
| But listen. | ||
| I mean, we could talk about him until you blew in the face. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I think, you know, leave the guy alone. | ||
| I don't know what happened those nights. | ||
| I know he has a very different story than the story that's been depicted in the media, and I know he definitely did some stupid shit you shouldn't do. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But he didn't block any doors. | ||
| He didn't tell anybody they have to do it. | ||
| He didn't try to scare anybody. | ||
| He asked if he could jerk off in front of people. | ||
| Is it gross? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| He would say so. | ||
| He has jokes about it. | ||
| Did he apologize? | ||
| Some people don't think he apologized enough, but I don't even think we know the whole story. | ||
| Well, that's the thing. | ||
| We're so in the dark about what really happened. | ||
| It's like we have an idea that we think would happen, but no one really knows. | ||
| He hit the perfect moment on the wave. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He hit the perfect moment on the Me Too wave. | ||
| That Me Too wave. | ||
| Harvey Weinstein was like a fucking hurricane force wind behind his back. | ||
| He's out in the North Shore of Hawaii. | ||
| He's going to catch one now. | ||
| The biggest fucking Me Too wave just swallows him whole. | ||
| It would have been a gross thing anywhere else in history. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But at that moment, I mean... | ||
| Shut it down. | ||
| There was a moment where he went on stage at Skankfest, and the audience went crazy. | ||
| I saw. | ||
| They cheered and went crazy. | ||
| And I either retweeted it or liked it, and someone went, Fuck you! | ||
| He sexually assaulted women! | ||
| Like... | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| No one ever said he did that. | ||
| He definitely didn't do that. | ||
| He asked if he could jerk off, and he did. | ||
| Do you think he shouldn't have done that? | ||
| Yes, I agree. | ||
| He shouldn't have done that. | ||
| But he did that, and then that's it. | ||
| That's what he did. | ||
| That's what he did. | ||
| If you think that's gross, yes, but that's what he did. | ||
| There's other allegations that disturb people that maybe someone from his management did something to stifle the career of someone else. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| If that's true, that is fucked up. | ||
| I do not know if that's true. | ||
| Here's the biggest problem, again. | ||
| None of us know. | ||
| I don't know either. | ||
| I don't know that that's the truth. | ||
| I'd like to find that part out. | ||
| I don't know if that was because of him. | ||
| I don't know if the management did it without his knowledge. | ||
| I don't know if it ever happened at all. | ||
| I don't know if it's exaggerated because I know many of the things that were said about him were exaggerated. | ||
| Again, this is not exonerating him. | ||
| What he did was gross. | ||
| He thinks what he did was gross. | ||
| But it's like, what do you want? | ||
| You want him to never tell jokes again? | ||
| He's one of the best comedians of all time. | ||
| He acknowledges that what he did was wrong. | ||
| Like, at what point in time do we forgive people? | ||
| What point in time do we say someone was doing something fucked up and now they've paid this tremendous price emotionally, psychologically? | ||
| When do you let him out of jail, basically? | ||
| When do you let him out of jail? | ||
| What's the time? | ||
| I say let him out of jail. | ||
| Let him out. | ||
| Let him out of jail. | ||
| Free Lou. | ||
| Free Lou. | ||
| It's a strange time for people with accusations and being mean and ganging on people online and bullying and activism and chaos. | ||
| There's so much noise. | ||
| It's so much of us interacting with each other simultaneously, too. | ||
| It's so hard to have peace these days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| On stage. | ||
| On stage, that's like the only way I get away from all the bullshit. | ||
| Especially because we're embedded in the internet. | ||
| That's the hardest part. | ||
| It is the hardest part. | ||
| Right now, we're doing it. | ||
| I was talking to Adam Curry about it yesterday. | ||
| We were talking about just outrage. | ||
| And he's like, you just really can't be in that all the time. | ||
| You can't subject yourself. | ||
| Because there's always something to argue about. | ||
| You'll never run out of topics. | ||
| No, you're fucked. | ||
| All you have to do is have a few topics that you like to argue about. | ||
| Let's just say you're a person, pro-First Amendment, pro-Second Amendment, pro-choice, pro-gay rights, pro-trans rights, pro-civil rights. | ||
| You just take those things that you feel very passionately about and then just put those hashtags online on Twitter and then go look for conversations and go to war. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| Yeah, you can do it all day. | ||
| You can do it all day. | ||
| You can go to war about the Second Amendment all day. | ||
| You can all day argue with gun nuts and people who hate guns. | ||
| You can take both sides. | ||
| You can have two different accounts. | ||
| You can have one account where you're like some fucking hillbilly who thinks everybody should have 80 guns or you go to jail. | ||
| Or you could have the other thing. | ||
| We need to trust our government and throw all the guns in a bolting pot and use them to make a statue with a giant penis. | ||
| We could literally argue all day long about immigrant rights, about whether or not they should detain them at the border. | ||
| You could be involved in that all day long. | ||
| I mean, you would never have a moment to sleep. | ||
| No. | ||
| If you just engaged with everybody who engaged with you, you'd never have a moment to sleep. | ||
| People do it. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do do it. | |
| People spend endless amounts of time on it. | ||
| That's why I try to check out Twitter. | ||
| You know, it's like all those things. | ||
| Facebook I deleted. | ||
| All I want to use those things for is to promote what I'm doing tour-wise. | ||
| Like, hey, come see me. | ||
| And also make a couple of fucking fart jokes once in a while. | ||
| Like, it's worthless. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I want to make some dumb jokes and then be like, come see me live. | ||
| I've stopped years ago engaging when people are like, is this how this is? | ||
| I'm like, never mind. | ||
| I don't want to get into it. | ||
| I just don't deal with it anymore. | ||
| Well, there's a number of people out there that are bored in their cubicle somewhere trying to get a rise out of you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People are so bored. | ||
| Well, it's also because, you know, it's nice to be engaged. | ||
| You know what I think they compare it to? | ||
| It's like when they start flirting or dating somebody. | ||
| It's the same kind of engagement. | ||
| You get excited for the next piece of engagement, right? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| If you said something back then, like, oh, shit, I got him on the hook. | ||
| Yeah, trolling has become a new thing. | ||
| It's constant engagement. | ||
| It's the same kind of feeling you get when you start talking to someone that you're interested in. | ||
| You're like, holy fuck, and they're talking to me back? | ||
| And you get this tennis match of emotion. | ||
| So it becomes this heightened thing in your world now. | ||
| It's like a new thing to have. | ||
| You're like a big red snapper in clear water. | ||
| You're moving towards the Lord. | ||
| Holy but the Lord. | ||
| He bit a little bit. | ||
| Come on, you fuck. | ||
| Take a bite, you fuck. | ||
| Did you see Oprah fall down? | ||
| Yes, and it's honestly... | ||
| She's a little old to be falling down. | ||
| You loved it? | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Loved it. | ||
| She didn't get hurt. | ||
| You like when people get hurt. | ||
| She's fine. | ||
| She's dead. | ||
| She died? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Ding dong. | ||
| The witch is dead. | ||
| No, she didn't. | ||
| She died from the fall? | ||
| Yeah, we're fucked. | ||
| No, she didn't die. | ||
| No, she's fine. | ||
| I just think like... | ||
| She looks like she got hurt. | ||
| It's nice to see billionaires fall. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's nice to see somebody... | ||
| No, it humanizes her. | ||
| She is such a figure of perfection. | ||
| Women should learn. | ||
| Those fucking shiny bottom shoes, them bitches are useless. | ||
| You can't wear those things. | ||
| They're so slippery. | ||
| Those really expensive shoes that the gals like would always have the shiny bottoms. | ||
| Here she is walking, and I believe she's talking about balance, which is L-O-L. The irony is staggering. | ||
| So, flat ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, she bites the dust. | |
| Let's see how she recovers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She says, new shoes. | |
| Oh, those rude fucks. | ||
| They edit it so she hits the ground over and over again. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| I gotta say, I like how she framed with her elbow and then did a roll. | ||
| She absorbed a lot of energy in a roll. | ||
| Good technique, Ope. | ||
| Not bad. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here we go. | |
| Frame. | ||
| A little bit on the left hip. | ||
| That shit's probably sore. | ||
| But one thing you gotta say about Oprah, she works out a lot and she's got muscles. | ||
| She went and ran a marathon recently. | ||
| Does she? | ||
| I don't know this to be true. | ||
| I think she did a marathon in six hours. | ||
| Which is not the best time, but she still ran 26 fucking miles in a day. | ||
| Don't you think it's nice to see people fall? | ||
| It's humbling to watch someone fall? | ||
| I just think that's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Four and a half hours. | |
| Did she really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's an hour faster than Burt Kreischer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Burt, you fat fuck. | |
| That's about as fast as I could do it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She didn't really run it, ran it four and a half hours? | ||
| 429. How fast is that? | ||
| Like a mile? | ||
| 1017. That's really good. | ||
| That's a good clip. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| She's doing... | ||
| Better than you, bitch. | ||
| No way. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Imagine you and Oprah in a race. | ||
| She's doing... | ||
| And she dusts you. | ||
| 10 minute miles? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| 26 of them, bitch. | ||
| So that's what? | ||
| 6 miles an hour about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah? | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| Are you scared? | ||
| You scared? | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| You feel a little nervous right now. | ||
| That was in 1994, though. | ||
| That was in 94! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| She was 4 years old. | ||
| Oh no, she ran one recently though. | ||
| I just typed an open marathon time. | ||
| That's very good though, when she was 40. She was probably on speed back then. | ||
| And steroids. | ||
| Quaalude, she's hopped up. | ||
| It's humbling to watch someone so beloved take a little stupid spill. | ||
| It's just kind of like, yeah, that's the balance of the universe. | ||
| She's perfect to everybody. | ||
| It's nice to watch perfect people fall a little bit. | ||
| That's fun. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| She's a part of the people now. | ||
| Especially if she's like, new shoes, you know how this goes. | ||
| It's fun, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's slippery shoes, man. | ||
| That's not what it was. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| She's getting older. | ||
| That was the I'm getting older fall. | ||
| Watch it again. | ||
| That was like, I lost my balance from I'm just getting older. | ||
| Yeah, but it's those stupid shoes, man. | ||
| I can't find a recent one. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| She didn't run one anytime soon. | ||
| The story has gone on around recently, but it was about her 25 years ago when she did it. | ||
| I want to stop missing something. | ||
| I swore there was one that they were referencing a year before, like she ran it for a late birthday. | ||
| She ran one of the marathons for her 50-somethingth birthday. | ||
| It would be her 60th. | ||
| She's in her 60s, right? | ||
| I feel like her 60th birthday or something like that. | ||
| I would never run a marathon, though. | ||
| Never. | ||
| You'll never catch me. | ||
| Someone's scared. | ||
| No, I run almost every day, but I'm never going to run a marathon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because I don't need to. | ||
| It's an insane amount of distance. | ||
| See how defensive he is? | ||
| Out of nowhere. | ||
| Like someone's grilling. | ||
| I don't need to. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| How about this? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| Cam Haynes runs one a day. | ||
| Yeah, Cam. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I know, but it's like, enough. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| No, you don't get it. | ||
| That's too much. | ||
| You don't get it. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| His knees are going to fucking fall off his body. | ||
| They're great right now. | ||
| They're going to fall off. | ||
| He's older than you. | ||
| He looks good. | ||
| Send me your knees, Cam. | ||
| Send me your cartilage, or your lack thereof. | ||
| I wonder if you've got a lot, the inside of your knees gets accustomed to it. | ||
| Like it gets a callus in there? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| Like it strengthens. | ||
| No. | ||
| Is that possible? | ||
| Cartilage wears away at some point. | ||
| It's just not made to do that that much. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Look it up, baby. | ||
| Cartilage is gone. | ||
| How do those fucking hundred marathon people, those dudes who run those ultra marathons, how do they do it year after year after year? | ||
| Because they can't do it their whole life. | ||
| You do it for a chunk of time until your knees just get shot. | ||
| But imagine if you're just a bitch, it gets to the point where your knees are shot. | ||
| But if you keep going, you push through, your knees wind up fixing themselves. | ||
| Your legs just break? | ||
| No, your legs callous over. | ||
| Well, it's like there's a campaign for a great cyclist called Shut Up Legs. | ||
| If you look up Shut Up Legs, it's like a whole thing about him. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| People worry about running ruins knees, but a new study finds the activity may in fact benefit the joint, changing the biomechanical environment inside the knee in ways that could keep it working smoothly. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Carrying less weight is known to reduce risk for knee arthritis. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Running may be good for your knees. | ||
| That's the New York Times, you dummy. | ||
| You don't know jack shit. | ||
| Click on that. | ||
| The failing New York Times? | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| The failing New York Times? | ||
| What are you, Trump? | ||
| Lion Ted, Crazy Hillary. | ||
| Who wrote it? | ||
| Oh no, it's Lion Hillary, Crazy Ted. | ||
| Many people worrying about running these new studies. | ||
| My decades of running. | ||
| Okay, but there's little evidence to support the idea and a growing body of research suggests reverse. | ||
| Oh, this is clickbait. | ||
| New York Times got us. | ||
| Epidemiological studies of long-term runners show that they generally are less likely to develop osteoarthritis in the knees than people of the same age who do not run. | ||
| Some scientists have speculated that running may protect knees because it is often associated with relatively low body mass. | ||
| Carrying less weight is known to reduce the risk of knee arthritis. | ||
| It's saying there's little evidence that it ruins your knees. | ||
| Yeah, it's saying little evidence that it ruins your knees, but it also says some scientists have speculated running. | ||
| So there's no evidence and proof. | ||
| They're just saying this is also a possibility. | ||
| Go back up to where it was. | ||
| Oh, the widespread argument generally follows the lines that running will slowly wear away the cartilage that cushions the bones and the joints and cause arthritis, but there's little evidence to support the idea. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| So what I was saying, I was incorrect. | ||
| I just tried to jump paragraphs. | ||
| I missed the context of it. | ||
| Well, that makes sense. | ||
| Look, these fucking guys that I know, this is what I'm saying. | ||
| These guys that I know that run all the time, they have good knees, and you would think they didn't. | ||
| These volunteers... | ||
| Stop, stop. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| These volunteers visited a clinic where they had blood drawn from an arm. | ||
| The researchers also siphoned off a small amount of synovial fluid, a lubricating fluid that reduces friction inside joints from the right knee. | ||
| Healthy knees contain only... | ||
| What is that word? | ||
| Soupcon? | ||
| Of the stuff? | ||
| I don't even know what that word is. | ||
| Arthritic or otherwise, unhealthy knees tend to contain much more. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Alright, well my knees are going to be good. | ||
| I just, you know, this is all speculative too. | ||
| There's not enough research supporting it too, so who knows? | ||
| Well, it makes sense though that your muscles would be stronger and then that would probably support your knee better than a person who doesn't exercise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| But that cartilage wears out either way. | ||
| Anybody you know that's a great athlete, they always say that the knee cartilage wears from so much wear. | ||
| Especially like jumping a lot. | ||
| Yeah, but that's different. | ||
| Like that's explosive plyometric type movements. | ||
| It's not running. | ||
| Like running is just steady running. | ||
| Yeah, but it also depends on what you're running on too. | ||
| But there's a difference to running. | ||
| It's like going left, going right, and cutting and exploding to the left. | ||
| You know, like a move that you would do on the court. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then if you're running on a trail where it's got some dirt, you get a little cushion. | ||
| Yeah, there's some absorption there. | ||
| That was from 2017. This one is more updated off of a new myth toppling new study that says that middle-aged runners do actually rebuild the health of their knees. | ||
| See, what did I tell you, Cheeto? | ||
| I had an idea. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| A myth toppling new study of novice middle-aged runners suggests the answer is a qualified... | ||
| What is the question again? | ||
| Scroll up. | ||
| Could it be that marathon training and racing are actually good for our knees? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| This is another one of these things. | ||
| A myth-toppling new study, you son of a bitch, of novice middle-aged runners suggests the answer is a qualified yes. | ||
| The study finds that taking up distance running rebuilds the health of certain essential components of middle-aged knees, even if the joint starts off somewhat tattered and worn. | ||
| What'd I tell you, bitch? | ||
| Show me the studies. | ||
| But the results Also contain a caution. | ||
| Marathon mileage could erode one vulnerable area within the knee, the study finds, if runners are not careful. | ||
| But we won't want to talk about that because that's not what the article's about. | ||
| But what is that vulnerable part? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's what they do, though. | ||
| They bury it. | ||
| Stop complaining like a Chicago person. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have the study. | |
| I was going to check that. | ||
| But what does it say? | ||
| There was one area it said. | ||
| That's what I was going to check in the study. | ||
| Well, just scroll down, and I'm sure it'll tell us. | ||
| I like going on other studies down here. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| But what is it saying, what part of the knee? | ||
| Focus on running activity, harms knees, do-do-do, scroll down. | ||
| The question is... | ||
| Is that the end of it? | ||
| No. | ||
| Why do they do that when they break things up? | ||
| I can't stand that shit. | ||
| You have one free article remaining. | ||
| Subscribe to the Times. | ||
| What is the problem with the injury? | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| Find the one. | ||
| I would imagine cartilage is the big issue. | ||
| And meniscus. | ||
| When meniscus goes, if it gets blown out. | ||
| Then you're done. | ||
| Yeah, like if you twist your knee and you cut your meniscus. | ||
| Have you run a marathon? | ||
| No. | ||
| See, you're giving me shit about it. | ||
| You wouldn't do it either. | ||
| I wouldn't do a half either. | ||
| I'm not doing it. | ||
| I don't want to run with all those people. | ||
| Very specific spot. | ||
| It says the improvement to the damaged subchondrial bone of the tibial and femoral condyl eyes. | ||
| Makes perfect sense. | ||
| Following the marathon in Novus Runners. | ||
| And patella cartilage. | ||
| That's the bad part. | ||
| That's what it does bad. | ||
| Worsening of the patella cartilage. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| It breaks it down. | ||
| Yeah, but can you fix that yet? | ||
| I mean, they'll give you those... | ||
| Stem cells? | ||
| Yeah, stem cells. | ||
| Well, I know that they do microfractures and shit. | ||
| Like, they do all kinds of different things to people to try to heal the cartilage in their knees. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just realized how privileged running is. | ||
| I was like, I just get to run sometimes during the day. | ||
| Yeah, just so you don't get so fat from eating all the food you want. | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| So much privilege. | ||
| Our problem in America is eating too much food. | ||
| Yeah, we have way too much access. | ||
| We're spoiled with it. | ||
| Yeah, but I just realized that at the time of my day I get to go, I can run to the gym and then run home, and that's like a nice day I get to have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Lucky dude, man. | ||
| No, I wouldn't run a marathon because I don't like the people that do. | ||
| That's genuinely it. | ||
| You see all the people that get the thing, the culture. | ||
| I don't want to be a part of it. | ||
| No thanks. | ||
| You don't have to be, man. | ||
| You could be a lone wolf. | ||
| Ringing the fucking bells and taking the... | ||
| I don't want to do any of that stuff. | ||
| You could put Tibetan monk chants on your phone and just listen to that as you run. | ||
| Diggory-doo music. | ||
| I would do that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then my heart's like... | |
| Just keep that thing going for four hours. | ||
| I would go run in the middle of nowhere before I'd ever run in an actual marathon plan thing. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So you would run the 26 miles, like maybe you'd run a track. | ||
| No, it can't be on a track. | ||
| When I first moved to LA, I tried running at UCLA because my buddy got me a pass to go work out at their gym, and I did a track. | ||
| You bored? | ||
| Miserable. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| If you had a track, like a standard university track, how many feet is that? | ||
| What is that, a quarter mile? | ||
| Each lap is a quarter mile. | ||
| How many times do you think you can go around? | ||
| Do you think you can go around a hundred times? | ||
| No. | ||
| Are you paying me? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I could do it as many times as you want to pay me. | ||
| What if you had a bet? | ||
| What if, like, you and Jamie, you have to bet? | ||
| Jamie doesn't run. | ||
| I still need this three-point shootout before we get into this race. | ||
| Yeah, let's do the three-point shootout. | ||
| You can do that, too. | ||
| And then we need to do a race. | ||
| You can do that, too. | ||
| You don't run, do you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Do people do that, though? | ||
| It seems like that would be, like, a great bet. | ||
| If these ultra-marathon runners really want to put their money where their mouth is. | ||
| They get together on a track. | ||
| See how long they could go? | ||
| Let's see who goes first. | ||
| Oh, that's fucked. | ||
| That's killer, dude. | ||
| They would never stop. | ||
| They would never stop. | ||
| You could stop to pee. | ||
| Or shit. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| What's the math? | ||
| Because I'm dumb. | ||
| What's 26 times 4? | ||
| Well, if it's a quarter of a mile, that means four of them are a mile. | ||
| So it'd be... | ||
| 104. You'd be pretty close to 100 miles. | ||
| You'd have to run 104 times to run a marathon on a track. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| 104 laps. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So to answer your question, can I run 100 laps on a track? | ||
| Fuck no. | ||
| You're closing in on a marathon around 100 times. | ||
| Yeah, well, 104 times is a marathon. | ||
| No way. | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Imagine you get into like seven. | ||
| Seven. | ||
| You hit seven and you're like, alright, I think I did it. | ||
| I don't want to loop around this thing. | ||
| Look at this football field again. | ||
| Miserable. | ||
| That's you miserable. | ||
| I haven't even hit eight yet. | ||
| Yeah, you're not even close. | ||
| It's going to take another two and a half minutes for you to get to eight. | ||
| And then you get there. | ||
| Eight. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I got 92 to go. | ||
| Can you run stoned? | ||
| Oh, yes, I can. | ||
| You like running stoned? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| Why not? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can do it. | |
| I'll do it with you. | ||
| I'll show you you can do it. | ||
| No, because I'll get high with you and I want to hang out and play pool or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you run high. | |
| It's great. | ||
| See, I can do certain exercises high. | ||
| What can you do? | ||
| Stretching, yoga type of shit. | ||
| Yeah, I can do that stoned out of my mind. | ||
| That's fun. | ||
| I just can't run because running to me is like I need to be in this mood that I get in. | ||
| When I get in this little mood and then I start to run, it's like a zone that I get into. | ||
| When I'm high, I'll fall right out of it. | ||
| And I'll start thinking about way other shit. | ||
| People who surf, they say that's the move. | ||
| Surfing high. | ||
| I like snowboarding high. | ||
| That's very fun. | ||
| I like riding on a mountain stoned. | ||
| I can't believe you don't like skiing. | ||
| It's so weird that you don't like going down a mountain. | ||
| How do you not like it? | ||
| Because I do so many things that are already thrilling. | ||
| I don't need this other stupid thrilling thing that might ruin my knees. | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| That's like saying I don't want to... | ||
| Dude, I wrecked this last time because some lady slid into the trail in front of me and I almost took her out. | ||
| And I have a small fracture in my shin bone. | ||
| Oh, you hit her? | ||
| No, I hit the ground. | ||
| Oh, you smashed the ground. | ||
| Dude, I smashed hard. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I was trying to go around this lady. | ||
| She's a noob, and she was on this hill, and she's like, oops, sorry, oops, sorry, and just slid right into the trail, and there was people over here and people over here, and I'm like, I could plow into this lady. | ||
| I gotta go down. | ||
| And I tried to go around her and my legs went out from under me. | ||
| I hit my head hard, like really bad in the back of my head. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Still got my bell rung. | ||
| But I fucked my knee up. | ||
| And then the next day I'm in yoga. | ||
| And when I'm bending down real low, I'm like, ooh, this doesn't feel good. | ||
| It felt weird. | ||
| It felt like something's wrong. | ||
| And then I got an MRI on it, and there's a small fracture. | ||
| It's called an insufficiency fracture. | ||
| It's actually right where I had meniscus cut out of that knee, too. | ||
| So the bones actually bang into each other because there's no meniscus there, and there's a crack in the bone. | ||
| On your shin? | ||
| Yeah, there's a crack in my shin bone. | ||
| It's not a big one. | ||
| It's a small area. | ||
| It's really not that big a deal. | ||
| And it was two months ago, and right now I don't even feel it anymore. | ||
| What do they have to do for it? | ||
| What can they do for it? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I got some stem cells shot into that and some PRP, and I just took it easy. | ||
| I didn't do anything pounding. | ||
| PRP is blood. | ||
| Platelet-rich plasma. | ||
| Right, so they spin your blood, right? | ||
| And they put it back in? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| I'm fascinated by that shit. | ||
| It's good stuff, yeah. | ||
| There's so many different methods now to accelerate healing, to accentuate healing. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| Exosomes is what they used. | ||
| I've used that on a bunch of different things, on knees and shoulders and shit. | ||
| Stuff's great. | ||
| For the average Joe? | ||
| What does that cost somebody? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| See, I wonder. | ||
| It's not cheap. | ||
| Normal people can't do it. | ||
| Well, it should be like a normal therapy. | ||
| It should be something that you go to the doctor and your insurance covers it, and they do that to enhance healing. | ||
| See, that makes a big impact. | ||
| I've sent many people to get it. | ||
| My friend and his wife had a problem with her hip. | ||
| And they were going to operate on her labrum, her hip labrum. | ||
| So they shot some exosomes in there. | ||
| And then when they went to do a follow-up examination, the issue was gone. | ||
| Like four months later, the issue was gone. | ||
| It just wasn't there. | ||
| It wasn't healing itself, man. | ||
| It was getting worse. | ||
| They had one exosome shot into this lady's labrum. | ||
| And then next thing you know, four months later, when they go to look at it, they're like, it looks great. | ||
| She's like, I don't feel any pain anymore. | ||
| It stopped hurting her. | ||
| It healed up. | ||
| It's not everything. | ||
| It's not everything. | ||
| There's a lot of shit they can't fix. | ||
| There's like, when ligaments blow out, you gotta get it repaired. | ||
| You gotta get it surgically repaired. | ||
| There's certain things that become, you know, injured where exosomes or, you know, there's stuff called Wharton's jelly, which is this new advanced stuff, or mesenchymal stem cells, all these different versions of stem cell therapy that they use. | ||
| Some of them use bone marrow. | ||
| They go into your bone marrow, extract Stem cells from that and use that for different injuries. | ||
| And re-inject it in different areas of your body? | ||
| Yeah, they do some sort of a treatment to it to really accentuate the stem cells or activate them or whatever the fuck they do. | ||
| Some of them do it with fat. | ||
| They suck your fat out so it's a nice little break fat ass. | ||
| Get in there and get some lipo and then turn your lipo into some stem cells and fix all your joints. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's not enough understanding of what's the best way to do these things. | ||
| I'm really lucky that I have a really good doctor that kind of like is very honest and very, I wouldn't say skeptical or cynical, but he's very pragmatic and very honest about the potential both ways, whether it could do nothing or it could wind up being a waste of time or it might actually work. | ||
| Like, there's not enough information on some of this stuff. | ||
| So you're experimenting. | ||
| Yes, I'm a fucking science project. | ||
| You're the lab rat. | ||
| Yeah, but you love that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It works. | |
| I'm the polar opposite. | ||
| I'm like, figure it out on Joe, then give it to me. | ||
| Come see me. | ||
| See if it breaks on me, then I'll do it. | ||
| I don't want to be the first. | ||
| I don't want to be the first. | ||
| But it's not the first. | ||
| There's been thousands and thousands of patients. | ||
| It still seems young to me. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| And then some people do have peer-reviewed studies on the benefits of some of these things. | ||
| Particularly people with Dr. Neil Reardon has treated people with certain neurological issues. | ||
| They've helped them with stem cells. | ||
| Like CTE type of shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Stem cells literally injected straight into your fucking head and stem cells injected intravenously for some certain issues that people have. | ||
| To try to fix your fucking brain. | ||
| Aubrey de Grey, who's a life extension specialist, was on my podcast last week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he thinks that that's the future of regenerative medicine, is that these advancements in stem cell therapy and medical technologies, that they're eventually going to hit some point where they can sort of treat aging like it's a disease. | ||
| Instead of like it's an inevitability, treating it like it's a disease and actually reverse the process. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Holy fuck, bro. | ||
| No thanks. | ||
| You're going to look like you're 12 years old. | ||
| You're going to go so hard into it. | ||
| I looked 30 when I was 12. You're going to fuck it up. | ||
| You're going to go so far, you're going to turn into a little kid, and your wife's going to go, I missed the old Santino. | ||
| But I got so much energy! | ||
| And I can play Little Week! | ||
| And I'll fuck you all day! | ||
| I'm crazy! | ||
| I'm going to hang out with my friends, and then I'm going to fuck you 13 times. | ||
| Imagine if we fuck up, and you do stem cell therapy, but it goes too far, and you're like Benjamin Buttons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It goes the other way. | |
| We all look like kids. | ||
| You go back to a kid. | ||
| You fuck up. | ||
| Imagine if they fucked it up. | ||
| Imagine if they go, okay, we've never seen this before, Andrew. | ||
| How tall are you? | ||
| How tall are you, like 6'2"? | ||
| 6'1", and some change. | ||
| 6'1", like, you're 5'11". | ||
| Like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you look like you're 14. What? | |
| What? | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| I don't think there's anything to worry about because I think at the very least, the worst thing is you'll get to go 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 again. | ||
| You'll get to do it all over again. | ||
| It's like you're a 14-year-old with all the knowledge, and I don't think you're going to get any younger. | ||
| You're like, what do you mean you don't think? | ||
| Well, we don't know yet. | ||
| We're not sure. | ||
| And then you come back in four months later and you're smaller still. | ||
| I'm nine. | ||
| Now you're nine years old. | ||
| You're losing like a year every six months. | ||
| I'm nine. | ||
| I'm holding in my poop. | ||
| My anxiety is at a high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm nine. | |
| Can you imagine? | ||
| If they can reverse the aging process, what if they fuck it up and turn you into a baby? | ||
| And you got all this money, and you're signing over your will when you're two, and your family's like, he can't understand what he's signing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I'm two, but I'm 50. You look like you're two. | ||
| You got the pen and everything. | ||
| You're ready to write shit down. | ||
| Mr. Baby. | ||
| Mr. Baby? | ||
| The family's like, there's no fucking way. | ||
| You cannot let him sign this. | ||
| He's two. | ||
| He's like, no, but his mental capacity is not. | ||
| He's like, I'm 52 years old! | ||
| I'm not two! | ||
| But he can't talk and his arms are all flailing around. | ||
| He's like doing this, like a baby. | ||
| You have to sign everything off by the time you can't talk anymore. | ||
| Because it's going to get to a point in time we're just going to make goo-goo noises. | ||
| Like trapped. | ||
| A 55-year-old man trapped in the head of a baby. | ||
| Do you die then? | ||
| Yeah, you just crawl right back at your mom's pussy. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| Oh, so she's got to be around. | ||
| She's got to be around. | ||
| But is she a baby too? | ||
| How's this work? | ||
| How are they going to just put her on the same program? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bring her back to the time she's 20. Okay, great. | |
| And then you climb right back in. | ||
| What if it was a reverse button? | ||
| You said, like, use it at the right time. | ||
| By the time you're 80, then you go back. | ||
| Get down to the time you're 6 and then hit it again? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do it once. | ||
| Go back to... | ||
| Just live forever? | ||
| I don't want to live... | ||
| No, not forever, but just double. | ||
| Instead of going to max 80. But then you'd go, I want to do it one more time. | ||
| Imagine being 10 years old today. | ||
| If you just had to go back to school at 10, and kids would be trying to bully you and say stupid shit. | ||
| Do you imagine what you would do to those kids? | ||
| Murder. | ||
| Well, I wouldn't beat him up, but just talking to them, how you could mind-fucking 10-year-old who was trying to be mean to you. | ||
| I go, Bobby, are you trying to be mean to me, Bobby? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the matter, Bobby? | ||
| I know about your father's addiction and the fact that your mom was with the neighbor. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| There's a great scene. | ||
| There's a phenomenal scene in a show called Pen15. | ||
| These girls are like my age, but they play teenagers on the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It's great. | ||
| It's really funny, but there's a funny scene when she gets pep-talked into talking shit during a fight. | ||
| And she's like, her friend is like, call him an aardvark dick. | ||
| And she's like, okay, what else? | ||
| And she's like, just use any ammunition you have against him, right? | ||
| And he's bullying the girl, and she's like, whatever, aardvark dick! | ||
| And everyone's laughing, and then she goes, yeah, and that's why your dad died! | ||
| And everyone's like, oh, shit. | ||
| That's mean, dude. | ||
| It's such a good scene. | ||
| And she thinks she's like fucking, like everyone's cheering her on, and then she says his dad died and starts crying. | ||
| Yeah, if you had the intellectual capacity to just shut down, I mean, you'd emotionally break them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'd be so bored, too. | |
| Oh, you'd break them. | ||
| Like when I'm around little girls, like my daughter and her friends, and they're all like talking about shit. | ||
| Like sometimes they have a birthday party, and so there's like 10, 12 kids at the house, and they're all talking shit to each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you get to just hover and listen. | ||
| It's like the thing, and they're talking about some boy at school who's a loser. | ||
| It's always a boy. | ||
| Yeah, it's always some dork. | ||
| He eats his boogers. | ||
| And he's always trying to be funny. | ||
| He's so mean. | ||
| And one of them really like, how old is she again? | ||
| Eleven. | ||
| Yeah, that's the age when the boys are starting to show the signs of being like... | ||
| We're all getting hormones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The boys are knocking on the door. | ||
| Hey, trains are coming. | ||
| Boys are pushing a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is the government. | ||
| We're just going to let you know that the neighborhood is going to be changing radically over the next couple of years. | ||
| We just suggest you be careful. | ||
| Things are moving in. | ||
| With your newfound powers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Boners. | ||
| Boners are coming. | ||
| God, boners are coming. | ||
| Boners are on the way. | ||
| The flight of the boners. | ||
| Have you prepared for your boner? | ||
| Meanwhile, no one even tells you what's going on, and all of a sudden you've got a hard-on. | ||
| Like, what is happening? | ||
| That day on the bus, when you get a boner on the bus, holy shit, does it fuck your day up. | ||
| My friend John Dudley calls them bumpy road boners. | ||
| Yeah, bumpy boners. | ||
| Because there's something about when you're on a car that's bouncing around, somehow or another dudes get boners sometimes. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It's probably the pressure on your prostate. | ||
| It's activating your dick to get fucked. | ||
| And also, you're on the way home and you might catch a glimpse of Natalie, who's got the tits already, who's too young. | ||
| You start to get hard as shit. | ||
| You miss your stop. | ||
| There's always that one girl who's 13 with giant double Ds. | ||
| That was Natalie. | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| She was stacked when we were kids. | ||
| What happens there? | ||
| I used to miss a bus stop, seriously, sometimes. | ||
| I'd miss a stop if I had a heart on, and I was afraid to get off the bus with a boner, even though you'd tuck it up. | ||
| You'd tuck it up in your pants, and I was always afraid, so I'd miss a stop or two sometimes if I got a heart on the way home. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I'd be so nervous. | ||
| I'd rather walk home. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| How'd you go flaccid? | ||
| Do you talk yourself out of it? | ||
| I'd have a friend slap me, and I'd start fighting with a friend. | ||
| If you start fighting with another dude friend, your dick goes right into your body. | ||
| Or it doesn't. | ||
| Well, then you got a whole other thing going on. | ||
| Then you got a new thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| Now I got another thing to be confused about. | ||
| I got a new thing now. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, imagine if you had to go through that all again, though, and didn't know anything. | ||
| Like, that's... | ||
| The torture of seeing... | ||
| I mean, I only understand boys, because I've never been a girl. | ||
| But the going... | ||
| Through being 10, 11, 12, going through school, all the social things, not knowing shit, and you're a boy. | ||
| It's so confusing. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| Once you finally become a man and you don't have to do that anymore, you can just be at peace in your own skin. | ||
| It's like, oh, imagine going through all that stuff again. | ||
| No. | ||
| Hiding jerking off, too. | ||
| Like you're like a ninja. | ||
| They don't know what you're doing in the bathroom for 20 minutes with a magazine. | ||
| You're a little ninja. | ||
| You're a jerk-off ninja. | ||
| Now I kind of hope my neighbors see me. | ||
| It's kind of part of the allure. | ||
| I jerk off in my living room sometimes. | ||
| I'm just hoping they walk by, walking their dog. | ||
| Wave hi. | ||
| If they see you jerking off in your house, I think you can get in real big trouble. | ||
| I think a guy got in trouble jerking off in his house with the windows open. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| You're private. | ||
| It's property. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I think because you could see into this guy's house and he was beaten off, They came and got him. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because there was kids or something like that? | ||
| I don't remember what the story was, but it was a big deal. | ||
| Where people were like, hey, hey, hey, the guy is just jerking off inside his own house. | ||
| Like, what is the big goddamn deal? | ||
| Yeah, I don't care. | ||
| They had the door open or the window open or something like that. | ||
| The front door is wide open. | ||
| You tell me there's not a guy who's out there jerking off at the front door wide open. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Just letting in the breeze. | ||
| Of course there is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bet people go to hotels, and then they open up the door, and they stuff a wedge on the door and start fucking. | ||
| And they let everybody walk by and watch. | ||
| Yeah, leave the door open. | ||
| That's fun. | ||
| Vegas! | ||
| Especially before cell phones. | ||
| All these fucking goddamn tattletale cell phones. | ||
| And the dirty cameras. | ||
| Back then, people just... | ||
| I bet that was a common thing. | ||
| Just fucking with the door open? | ||
| Yeah, like Hell's Angels. | ||
| They all took over a hotel somewhere. | ||
| Well, those guys. | ||
| They fucked with that door wide open. | ||
| Yeah, they fucked in the street. | ||
| I'm sure they fucked at the bar. | ||
| On bikes. | ||
| That voyeuristic thing never was like a thing for me. | ||
| I know some people like fucking in public because they think it's hot to maybe get caught. | ||
| Never, never got me. | ||
| I was always like, why? | ||
| I don't fucking... | ||
| Why do I want to know that someone's watching me? | ||
| That's creepy to me. | ||
| If you get arrested, you get... | ||
| Weird charges too. | ||
| Like if you fuck someone in public in some places, they'll hit you with like a sex offender charge. | ||
| Yeah, because it's exposure. | ||
| Dude, I had to fight that in college. | ||
| I had urinating in public. | ||
| I had to fight a public exposure charge. | ||
| Yeah, that's a real problem because that's a different goddamn thing that every man understands. | ||
| And that's a little game they're playing. | ||
| That's a dirty game. | ||
| You caught a guy taking a leak and you're saying that's public exposure. | ||
| Look, he shouldn't have been taking a leak outside maybe, but everybody's done it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So stop. | |
| I had to piss. | ||
| Yeah, when guys have to piss and there's no one around, they piss in alleys. | ||
| Anywhere. | ||
| And we've been doing that since the beginning of time. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So for some fucking guy to pretend that that's just like robbing a house or trying to kidnap a kid. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, that's not a sex offender. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a guy who had to pee. | ||
| Yeah, but I had to be in a room in one of those rooms with people that did expose themselves. | ||
| And I was like, nothing like these dudes, man. | ||
| I'm nothing like these fucking guys. | ||
| I was pissing outside near a bar walking home. | ||
| They'd be happy if you pissed your pants. | ||
| I should have. | ||
| If you pissed your pants, they can't say shit. | ||
| Right, I know. | ||
| It's not illegal. | ||
| You pissed your pants in public, though. | ||
| Yeah, but I have my pants on. | ||
| Yeah, but still. | ||
| But still. | ||
| Have you seen these in Europe? | ||
| They've talked about bringing them some places in America, I think, but they have not. | ||
| You stand in there and jerk off? | ||
| No, they have open urinals just like in the middle of the street. | ||
| Oh, there's dudes jerking off in there for sure. | ||
| Like where people get drunk. | ||
| I bet that smells like fish. | ||
| Someone's pooped in one of those for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Faced the wrong way. | ||
| Open air urinals cause uproar in Paris. | ||
| What would they rather have? | ||
| People just piss? | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He's got his hog out. | ||
| Here's the difference though. | ||
| Otherwise they're asking all these coffee shops, can I use the bathroom? | ||
| And people are like, no bathroom, no bathroom. | ||
| Well let him go pee then in the thing. | ||
| I feel like those would fill up quick. | ||
| San Francisco. | ||
| San Francisco has these. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| But they're enclosed. | ||
| Dude, San Francisco, they've ruined that place. | ||
| They're enclosed. | ||
| They've fucked up. | ||
| They've fucked up. | ||
| They've ruined that place by allowing people to do shit in the streets and not do anything. | ||
| I don't know what you can do about it, but they should have taken steps to make sure it never got this bad. | ||
| Meanwhile, it's the highest concentration of billionaires on Earth, I think that's what someone said to me. | ||
| But they don't live right there. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| They work right there. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They work close. | ||
| It's the highest concentration of billionaires that live in that area. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They live in like Atherton. | ||
| Atherton is the big spot out there. | ||
| What's in the center of the city? | ||
| Not Russian Hill. | ||
| No, that's not what it's called. | ||
| Mission Hill? | ||
| Elephant something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you look it up, but the driver was telling me when we were there, he was like, no, man, more billionaires live in this quarter-mile radius than anywhere in the world. | ||
| This is Marin County. | ||
| That's a lot of really rich people, too, right? | ||
| Yeah, but this is in the city, in the actual city of San Francisco. | ||
| It's just the poo everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, lots of poo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pfft. | |
| I've seen so many people that take pictures of people pooing there. | ||
| That happens in LA too. | ||
| I was on Fairfax and I saw a woman pooping at a bus stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did I take a photo? | ||
| I did. | ||
| I did. | ||
| So fucking sad. | ||
| Yeah, there's nothing you can do about it. | ||
| San Francisco, they're fucking, they're drowning. | ||
| It's just so far gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The city is just filled with tents, and it's so crazy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They just hand it back over to the homeless. | ||
| I remember what, that's the human poo map? | ||
| Yeah, it's just full. | ||
| Oh my god, it's poo. | ||
| Where's the most poo? | ||
| Is that really the whole poo map? | ||
| That's where they found poo? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that, though, dude. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| There's a park up there in the corner, and that has the least amount of poo in it. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| San Francisco—it must be a high spot. | ||
| San Francisco's human waste problem plotted on a foul map. | ||
| The city itself is in trouble. | ||
| See, this is how medieval diseases get re—they resurface. | ||
| Yeah, they come back up because it gets in the rivers and the drinking water and all that stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but that's how people got diseases back in the day in Rome was because of bad sewage. | ||
| We were pooping in a place they were drinking and eating from. | ||
| Oh, this is so bad, man. | ||
| People just shitting in the streets. | ||
| Well, think about it. | ||
| Isn't that the Ganges? | ||
| Isn't it filled with feces and dead bodies and stuff, and they drink and bathe in it? | ||
| That's mind-bending to me. | ||
| But then San Francisco, with all these rich people, has this giant homeless shitting problem. | ||
| Yeah, a billionaire, and then two blocks away is a guy pooping. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| What could they do? | ||
| I mean, they did something in New York City, right? | ||
| They did some strong-arm type shit, and they reduced the amount of homelessness in New York City. | ||
| They cleaned up Manhattan. | ||
| It's like a sparkling... | ||
| Now it looks like it's like Six Flags. | ||
| Manhattan has become this very pristine, nice, safe, clean... | ||
| It definitely could have gone off the rails in Manhattan, too. | ||
| But they did it right somehow. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What did they do? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I think that was also the implementation of, like, they doubled their police force. | ||
| They started busting people for everything. | ||
| People got scared of doing anything illegal in the city. | ||
| Well, we're real close to someone saying enough is enough, and you get some... | ||
| Some dude who comes in is going to have some hardline Giuliani-type attack on the homeless problem in downtown in L.A. Because L.A. is up to 70,000-plus people homeless. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's like Boulder, Colorado. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of people. | ||
| That's like Boulder of homeless. | ||
| Just all the people in Boulder but homeless. | ||
| And they're concentrated mostly downtown and like Venice, right? | ||
| Isn't that where the most of them are? | ||
| Boulder might be 100,000. | ||
| I think Boulder might be underestimating the amount of people in Boulder. | ||
| How many people do you think live in Boulder, Colorado? | ||
| 100 sounds low. | ||
| Boulder's pretty big. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The school is there, and the school alone has got to be 70k. | ||
| What? | ||
| 107,000. | ||
| 107. Alright. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that school's got to take up the high majority of that population. | ||
| Isn't that school massive? | ||
| That school's fucking huge. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| 50, 60,000 kids? | ||
| That's the most for, like, any school, really. | ||
| Like, Ohio State or Texas is, like, 50, 60. Yeah. | ||
| But isn't Boulder big like that? | ||
| College towns are strange, right? | ||
| You got young people, and then the old people who like staying near the university. | ||
| Dude, people used to complain when I was in Arizona State. | ||
| People would bitch constantly about us throwing house parties. | ||
| Like, where do you fucking think? | ||
| This school's been around since 1896. Yeah, and they used to be in those parties, these fucks. | ||
| Yeah, so either fucking come over and get high with us or move. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta move. | ||
| You gotta move, dude. | ||
| The school's been there. | ||
| When somebody moves to a school area and they complain, well, you know what they did about Westwood, UCLA. That whole thing is fucked up. | ||
| That's why there's no college town there because those community organizers basically made it almost impossible for young and new businesses to open up that would be supportive of like bars or restaurant culture. | ||
| They keep shutting it down because these old rich people in Westwood don't want that there. | ||
| They want it to be a neighborhood. | ||
| They fight UCLA tooth and nail to make sure that it's like, no, make the kids go fucking live in Culver City or something. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| Is it though? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What if your house was out there? | ||
| You wouldn't be thinking it's bullshit? | ||
| I wouldn't move to a place where a college is. | ||
| I wouldn't move a block from a fucking major university. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| When I was in Boulder, I was driving down the street and I saw a fraternity house. | ||
| And I said, imagine, you're in a Zac Efron movie and you live right next door to these fucks. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| That's like a Zac Efron, Seth Rogen movie. | ||
| Yeah, what is it called? | ||
| Neighbors? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah, but you know better. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| You know where you're moving. | ||
| You know where you move. | ||
| If you move next to a major school, it's your fault. | ||
| I wonder if it's really cheap to live next to the fraternity. | ||
| Of course it is. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| It's got to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because it's a house. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Is there anything that fucks with your real estate value more than a fraternity? | ||
| No. | ||
| Sorority is like, I bet they're loud, but they're probably not going to be lighting anything on fire. | ||
| No, because they go to the guy's house. | ||
| They go to the frat to fuck shit up. | ||
| Well, also, the dudes are the ones that have the problems in terms of violence and explosions and chaos. | ||
| Drunk men, they're way scarier than drunk women. | ||
| Drunk women just cry. | ||
| They scream. | ||
| They tell bitches they're gonna cut them. | ||
| They might pull hair and punch each other, but it's nothing. | ||
| There's not bombs going off. | ||
| Drunk men are shooting guns and lighting cars on fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're doing dumb things. | ||
| Drunk men are fucking dangerous. | ||
| But that's what you're supposed to do when you're that age. | ||
| Whereas you're supposed to do dumb shit when you first start getting drunk. | ||
| And you're also supposed to realize how dumb it is that you're living in the house with these fucking savage men. | ||
| And you're like, I gotta grow up. | ||
| And then by the time those three years or four years are done and you're out, you're like, enough. | ||
| I'm gonna be a different person. | ||
| I'm turning over new people. | ||
| I'm gonna live alone. | ||
| I'm gonna be a venture capitalist. | ||
| I'm gonna be an angel investor. | ||
| But two of those guys still want to keep that party moving. | ||
| Yes, that's Burt Kreischer. | ||
| He became a fucking comedian. | ||
| They just can't get out of that. | ||
| That's literally Burt. | ||
| Burt was in school for a hundred years. | ||
| I mean, how long did he stay in college for? | ||
| Seven. | ||
| Seven years. | ||
| And he never graduated. | ||
| Or he did. | ||
| I don't know if he did or not. | ||
| Did he have a degree? | ||
| I guarantee you he bribed somebody. | ||
| It's got to be in hotel management. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hospitality. | |
| If he has one, I bet you that's what it is. | ||
| Imagine if he did spend all those years on school tuition. | ||
| What a waste. | ||
| So much money. | ||
| But isn't his parenting? | ||
| He comes from money, right? | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| What? | ||
| Top partier. | ||
| He had a degree in hospitality. | ||
| You nailed it. | ||
| I swear to God in my life, I did not know that, but I just knew it in my bones. | ||
| I knew it in my bones. | ||
| I had friends that did that. | ||
| One buddy did agriculture. | ||
| Yeah, but agriculture is real. | ||
| We need food. | ||
| He had nothing to do with it. | ||
| It was just a thing to do because he didn't know what the fuck he wanted to do. | ||
| Dude, that's so funny. | ||
| How much did that cost to get a degree in hospitality that he'll never use? | ||
| What do you gotta say? | ||
| How much a year is FSU? Look, he's got an amazing career in stand-up comedy, and I'm sure his experience is... | ||
| And the university probably did something to enhance his perspective that would help him on stage as a stand-up. | ||
| Well, they made a fucking movie out of it, I mean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They didn't give him any money for that movie. | ||
| No, because the story was borrowed. | ||
| They twisted it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They twisted it, but it was all based on Bert Kreischer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| That Van Wilder movie was based on Bert Kreischer. | ||
| He says he was an English major for six years. | ||
| And then he's like, it's too fucking hard! | ||
| I can't speak no English! | ||
| I speak English! | ||
| I speak Florida! | ||
| I'm the machine! | ||
| Yeah, he looks exactly like what I... If Florida was a person, it'd be Bird... | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| If Florida was a human embodiment, it'd be fucking Bird Chrysler. | ||
| Yeah, with like a weird hat on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No shirt. | ||
| No shirt. | ||
| Baseball hat. | ||
| Not even a baseball hat, you know? | ||
| Like one of them weird... | ||
| Fedoras? | ||
| Yeah, kind of like a half-ass fedora, you know? | ||
| But no shirt on. | ||
| No shirt. | ||
| And flip-flops. | ||
| That's Florida. | ||
| He gave me a pair of his own flip-flops. | ||
| He's got a company that makes flip-flops now. | ||
| Bert does? | ||
| Bert does. | ||
| What are they called? | ||
| They're right here. | ||
| Birdies? | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Burt investing in a flip-flop company is a company that pre-existed and then he bought into it or he started it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, he's made. | ||
| I did squats yesterday. | ||
| That hurt. | ||
| So it says Burt Kreischer Free Waters. | ||
| Free Water. | ||
| That's the name of these. | ||
| The company, I guess. | ||
| They're a very solid flip-flop, though. | ||
| Thumbs up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if you're into flip-flops, these are great. | ||
| I wear flip-flops once a year is when I go to Hawaii. | ||
| I don't really wear flip flops. | ||
| I don't like the toe divider. | ||
| I like slides. | ||
| You know slides. | ||
| I like slides. | ||
| I fuck with slides, yeah. | ||
| I just can't do flip. | ||
| I don't like the toe divider. | ||
| It weirds me out. | ||
| That's where you draw the line, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's better? | ||
| What's better, Jamie? | ||
| You like slides. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Slides? | |
| I don't wear it. | ||
| Yeah, if I did, I'd probably wear slides. | ||
| A lot of dudes will rock slides with white socks. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And like serious dudes. | ||
| Like guys who go to the gym, like muscular young guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| They wear slides and socks and they'll go wandering about. | ||
| Comfy. | ||
| If you ever wore flip-flops and socks and you went out, people would smack you. | ||
| There's a difference. | ||
| For some reason... | ||
| Some guys can. | ||
| Yeah, but for some reason, slides and socks... | ||
| Is acceptable where flip-flops and socks are not. | ||
| Well, because then you do the Ninja Turtle toe. | ||
| You can't do the socks with the flip-flops because then your toe gets divided and then it looks really weird. | ||
| But isn't that strange? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it looks ridiculous. | ||
| The secure... | ||
| They're both ridiculous. | ||
| Wearing slides with socks looks ridiculous. | ||
| No, it makes sense to me. | ||
| But at least it looks casual, right? | ||
| Slides with socks is just... | ||
| I don't need to wear shoes, man. | ||
| I just slip my socks in these and go to the fucking grocery store. | ||
| I'm going to go run over there real fast. | ||
| You can go to the grocery store with slides on and socks. | ||
| I go to the bank. | ||
| No one will say nothing. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You can go to the bank. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I do small errands with slides and socks on. | ||
| Well, especially a guy like you. | ||
| You're a successful comedian. | ||
| You make a good living. | ||
| You're not poor. | ||
| It's not like this is the only pair of shoes you have. | ||
| This is a choice. | ||
| Yeah, I've made an obvious choice. | ||
| You pull up in your Mercedes. | ||
| I don't have a Mercedes. | ||
| I'm looking at it right now. | ||
| No, I don't have a Mercedes. | ||
| Are you lying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm giving back to the environment. | ||
| I have a Yaris. | ||
| I bought a Toyota Yaris. | ||
| This is not true. | ||
| No. | ||
| You have a Mercedes. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bitch. | ||
| White man with your fucking golden locks. | ||
| Gucci slides are regular bullshit. | ||
| First of all, I would never buy Gucci fucking... | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| You don't like Gucci? | ||
| No. | ||
| I buy the Adidas ones you can throw in the trash. | ||
| Oh, is that why? | ||
| Because if they get fucked up, they're like 20 bucks. | ||
| You just buy a new... | ||
| You're not into the Gucci? | ||
| No. | ||
| You, of all people asking me that, you would never wear Gucci fucking slides. | ||
| I have a pair of Gucci slippers that my wife bought me. | ||
| How often are you wearing those? | ||
| I've wore them twice. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| She bought them a couple years ago. | ||
| They have tigers on the feet. | ||
| You know this hypebeast pervert over here? | ||
| He'd wear it all the time. | ||
| Whoa, whoa. | ||
| You love that bullshit. | ||
| You are. | ||
| Hypebeast pervert. | ||
| He's a hypebeast pervert. | ||
| He comes on. | ||
| You like to jack off to cool hypebeast shit. | ||
| You know you do. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| It's not a lion, sir. | ||
| It's like Jordans. | ||
| Not wearing, like, whatever. | ||
| Off-white t-shirt or whatever. | ||
| I saw, what is that guy's name? | ||
| Philip Plein? | ||
| How do you say it? | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| He's the guy that got in trouble because they took pictures. | ||
| He took pictures of his sneakers. | ||
| He didn't get in trouble, but Ferrari got angry at him because he has a Ferrari, and he took pictures of his sneakers sitting on his Ferrari. | ||
| So what? | ||
| And Ferrari said that he, they sent him like a cease and desist saying that he's damaging their brand. | ||
| Uh, his car. | ||
| Oh, he's a sneaker guy. | ||
| Philip Pline, I see. | ||
| How'd he say it? | ||
| Is it Pline? | ||
| So there was a big controversy because, like, hey, he bought your fucking $300,000 car. | ||
| He should be able to take a picture of his sneakers on your car. | ||
| Set it on fire if he feels like it. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| His, it was something about his lifestyle, that the lifestyle that he promotes. | ||
| But the lifestyle that he promotes is just his hot girlfriend and him and they're wearing clothes. | ||
| There's nothing crazy. | ||
| Who do you think buys Ferraris? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| This is it. | ||
| That's a dope color for the car. | ||
| That is a beautiful fucking color. | ||
| I've never seen a green Ferrari like that. | ||
| Ferrari threatens to sue? | ||
| Dude, that makes me want to make a Ferrari that color. | ||
| That's a dope color. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, tarnishes the reputation of Ferrari's brands and causes Ferrari further material damage to his behavior. | ||
| They'll lose that lawsuit. | ||
| Ferrari's letter to Plein also says that he was using Ferrari's trademarks for the promotional purposes of increasing his own brand and products visibility. | ||
| Again, the car's pictured are Plein's own. | ||
| Ferrari is essentially claiming that Plein is harnessing its iconic imagery to bolster his own brand and also denigrate Ferraris. | ||
| How is it denigrating Ferraris, though? | ||
| Scroll back up. | ||
| It's just a dope-looking color Ferrari and some pretty fucking cool sneakers. | ||
| Those are cool. | ||
| I don't understand how that's denigrating the brand. | ||
| Who do they think is buying fucking Ferraris? | ||
| Do they have this idea that it's Harvard grads that are buying Ferraris? | ||
| Well, some of them were Harvard grads. | ||
| I think most people that buy Ferrari didn't go to Harvard. | ||
| Do me a favor. | ||
| I want to see a full picture of his green Ferrari. | ||
| I remember we looked at this before. | ||
| Those pictures have been taken off Instagram, so like... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But see if you can just find his green Ferrari, because I know that motherfucker, if he's got a green Ferrari, he takes a lot of pictures of it. | ||
| There's no way that's the only picture of his dope green Ferrari. | ||
| You would assume Ferrari's brand is to promote people who are, like, self-made, money-making... | ||
| That's what this guy is, right? | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Is there any other ones? | ||
| Other photos of it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, it's just all his girlfriend looking hot, and him looking sexy, and here's a dope car. | ||
| That's a Lambo. | ||
| Yeah, here's my gold Lamborghini. | ||
| Dope. | ||
| Here's my fucking... | ||
| Gold plane jet. | ||
| He's got a gold jet. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It might be. | ||
| I was at a store. | ||
| They have a store in Vegas, and they had $6,000 crocodile sneakers. | ||
| And I was like, those are pretty dope. | ||
| I mostly wear chucks or different Converse or skate shoes. | ||
| I wear a lot of Adidas. | ||
| What's the most expensive dumb shit you bought then? | ||
| What's the dumbest where you're like, I can't believe I bought the $6,000 crocodile shoes. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I don't really have one of those. | ||
| You got something, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Nothing stupid that I don't wear. | ||
| My pool case is made out of alligator skin. | ||
| But that wasn't that expensive. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| A couple thousand bucks. | ||
| Well, that's pretty expensive. | ||
| It's handmade. | ||
| But isn't that relative to pool cues, cases? | ||
| I mean, don't ever... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a really good one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Nothing too crazy. | ||
| There's not something in the house that you're like, why the fuck do we buy that? | ||
| That's an insane amount of money for no reason. | ||
| The thing that I like that I spend money on that's kind of ridiculous is the cars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Classic cars. | ||
| Yeah, you made fun of my car. | ||
| You got a thousand of them. | ||
| I have one. | ||
| I didn't make fun of it. | ||
| I just pointed out that you're rich. | ||
| I'm not rich. | ||
| I'm on borrowed time. | ||
| Driving around in an AMG Mercedes. | ||
| Hey, first of all, first of all, my car costs half as much as Jamie's outfit. | ||
| Whoa, he's got a Dolph Lundgren t-shirt on. | ||
| Why do you keep shitting on Jamie? | ||
| Because Jamie doesn't get any flack for being... | ||
| Jamie's a billionaire and all the listeners know it by now. | ||
| Jamie's a multi-billionaire. | ||
| Everything Jamie posts online, he has lots of fancy, cool, new shit. | ||
| He's mad at my Jordans, that's what I see. | ||
| He's 85. I'm a little annoyed. | ||
| I'm a little annoyed. | ||
| Annoyed and jealous. | ||
| The real world is too. | ||
| Also jealous and annoyed. | ||
| Jamie gets some great stacks. | ||
| Jamie's got some great shit. | ||
| It's all love, Jamie. | ||
| None of it's hate. | ||
| Are you still doing a podcast with Bobby Lee? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Me and Robert E. Lee. | ||
| How often do you guys do it? | ||
| Every single week. | ||
| Comes out on Mondays. | ||
| It's called Bad Friends. | ||
| It's the most fucking fun thing I've ever done in my life. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| We talk to each other for just over an hour about a myriad of things. | ||
| I set up bits for him to do. | ||
| We do a bunch of different new fun stuff every single week. | ||
| It's actually been... | ||
| Doing my own podcast is fun, but doing one with him has just been like, you know. | ||
| Dude, he's the perfect guy for podcasts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He really is. | |
| Podcasts are a thing for him. | ||
| It's the thing for him. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| He's a hard... | ||
| He's so silly. | ||
| He's a fun guy, and you get to know him, and you love him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, he's such a sweetheart. | ||
| If you go to this week's episode, go to episode three, and... | ||
| What's with the shelf? | ||
| Who's the designer? | ||
| This is half of the stuff we talk shit about from our fans. | ||
| Well, who put that together? | ||
| The producer. | ||
| You have a producer that decorates? | ||
| No, we just told him to throw stuff on the walls because we were like, just put up some shit on the wall. | ||
| Why don't you put some stuff on the wall that represents what you like? | ||
| We're gonna. | ||
| We're gonna. | ||
| It's brand new. | ||
| We just started the whole thing. | ||
| We haven't done it yet. | ||
| You need an American flag behind you. | ||
| That should be what we all do now. | ||
| Go to episode 3 and go to the beginning, I think, because this is an episode where I brought an airsoft gun to the studio. | ||
| Bobby with a gun is a, you know... | ||
| Look at those glasses. | ||
| You guys are reading a script? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| You love letters to each other? | ||
| Yeah, we're reading sweet, sweet nothings. | ||
| But Bobby got a gun. | ||
| I mean, I gave Bobby an airsoft gun. | ||
| Go to the very end. | ||
| Who made the animation of Bobby? | ||
| I don't know who did that one. | ||
| Isn't that good, though? | ||
| He's wearing slides. | ||
| Well, he always wears slides. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at the animation. | |
| He's wearing slides. | ||
| Go to the very end. | ||
| Go to the very, very end real quick. | ||
| The airsoft gun comes out way later there at the very end. | ||
| Imagine if we all decided that every podcast we're going to have an American flag in the background. | ||
| We all decided to do it that way. | ||
| Oh, here it is. | ||
| Yeah, and I shoot a TV. People didn't like... | ||
| People got freaked out. | ||
| They thought it was a real gun. | ||
| I think this is why you had to be there things. | ||
| Because right now it's just like you with a gun. | ||
| Yeah, no, no, no. | ||
| I know. | ||
| No, I'm saying, but I brought an airsoft gun, which is a bad... | ||
| Did you just break the TV? Yeah, Bobby Dare made me shoot the TV, so I did it. | ||
| We're children. | ||
| Is that a BB? Like, what's it shooting? | ||
| It's an airsoft gun. | ||
| It's a BB gun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, so you shot a BB at the TV. Yeah. | ||
| I could shoot a gun inside of the house. | ||
| You broke a TV? Yeah. | ||
| Bob does that stuff to me. | ||
| Only when I'm with this moron do I do such dumb stuff. | ||
| He smokes cigarettes in there too? | ||
| Is Bobby smoking again? | ||
| Yeah, not inside. | ||
| We make him go outside. | ||
| How long did he quit for? | ||
| He quit for a while, didn't he? | ||
| Yeah, he was vaping. | ||
| He was vaping for a long time, but now he's back. | ||
| He's trying to get off of it. | ||
| He's trying, but we'll see if it actually happens. | ||
| Well, if he's smoking, he's not trying to get off of it. | ||
| No, he wants to stop, but you know. | ||
| Isn't that a weird thing? | ||
| Like, if you're trying, well, you could just stop. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I smoked for a while, and I quit. | ||
| How long did you smoke for? | ||
| A couple years. | ||
| Do you like scars? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| No, because it makes me want to smoke. | ||
| Like, Burr is always like, what do you mean you don't want to smoke? | ||
| I was like, because it makes me want to smoke a cigarette. | ||
| Because sometimes I do want a cigarette. | ||
| You used to smoke cigarettes, didn't you? | ||
| Yeah, I could tell. | ||
| Burr loves the cigars. | ||
| That's the supplement is drinking. | ||
| That's because he doesn't want to drink anymore. | ||
| That's why he likes smoking. | ||
| I think he liked it when he was drinking, too, though. | ||
| Yeah, but now more than ever. | ||
| I think he smokes way more cigars than he ever did when he was drinking. | ||
| Oh, yeah, probably. | ||
| Because now he's almost got rid of the sauce completely, right? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah, he went a whole year without drinking. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| It's funnier than ever, though. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think I could go a year. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| How long do you think I could go without? | ||
| What do you think I could do? | ||
| Have you ever done a month? | ||
| I've done a month. | ||
| When did you do a month? | ||
| You want to do Sobro October with us this year? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I'm very scared and apprehensive about that. | ||
| You know how much I like drinking. | ||
| October's my birthday. | ||
| Oh, sweetie. | ||
| And I'm going to... | ||
| Come on. | ||
| It's hard for me. | ||
| It's a thing every year. | ||
| Every year when we do it, I'm like, hmm, this is interesting. | ||
| It's a thing. | ||
| But it's so easy for you because nothing has a grasp on you. | ||
| Like, drinking and smoking a little pot, it doesn't control you the way that, like, Bert, it's a real challenge. | ||
| Bert not drinking is an actual challenge. | ||
| For you, I don't think it's a real challenge. | ||
| Well, it's a challenge in that it's something that you commit to. | ||
| Yeah, but you do that constantly on your own anyway. | ||
| You're doing it against guys that don't constantly do it on their own. | ||
| Yeah, there's a little bit of that, but it's good for people. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why I did it. | ||
| But even for me, just knowing that I have to do something for a whole month, and I think that's one of the really good things about when we did that workout challenge, working out six hours a day, you realize you can actually do that. | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| I never thought he could do that. | ||
| I never even thought about doing that. | ||
| But when you know that you're competing against three other assholes, and you're like, let's fucking do this, bitch. | ||
| So everybody's getting up, like all hyped up. | ||
| And I would get up and I would read the fitness tracker results that Tom had put in fucking 15 miles earlier in the day. | ||
| I'm like, shit! | ||
| Yeah, that's insane. | ||
| He's on the East Coast, or Ari's doing something crazy where he rides a bike while he's watching a movie for two hours, and he's got this crazy high score. | ||
| I'm like, oh no. | ||
| And everybody was doing that. | ||
| So everybody was checking their app and then going and doing crazy shit all day. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So by the end of the month, we were literally working out at least three to four hours every day. | ||
| Like, hardcore. | ||
| That's absurd. | ||
| That's absurd. | ||
| I did one day, I did more than seven hours at 80% of my max heart rate. | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| Yeah, I worked out all day. | ||
| How much weight are you losing? | ||
| I was eating everything. | ||
| You were just constantly eating. | ||
| I didn't lose any weight. | ||
| I didn't lose any weight. | ||
| I was also mixing it up so I wasn't going crazy. | ||
| I was doing cardio and I was also doing weights and I was doing a bunch of other things and I was eating like a wolf. | ||
| I mean, eating like a wolf broke into a house and just tearing apart the cupboards. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| I was drinking a lot of soda, too. | ||
| Like, I was craving sugar from actual soda, so I was drinking like a whole sugary cream soda. | ||
| You know, like, I did this elliptical machine for... | ||
| I don't know how many hours, but it was at least five, maybe six hours on this elliptical machine. | ||
| In one fucking sitting? | ||
| In one sitting, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Where there's puddles on the ground. | ||
| I set off the fire alarm in the room from my steam. | ||
| There's a video of it. | ||
| I made a video of it, of the puddles on the ground from my sweat and setting up. | ||
| If you just keep going, see, if you watch movies that are exciting, right, and I have this TV right in front of me, so I'm watching, I watched the scene in... | ||
| John Wick in the Russian bathhouse where he kills everybody. | ||
| Yeah, I love that. | ||
| I watched that scene 50 times in a row. | ||
| Oh, you just kept looping it? | ||
| I just kept going back and watching it again. | ||
| Because there's something about that scene where you pretend that you're John Wick, or you pretend you're someone who's trying to kill John Wick, and you're in the middle of this whole fucking shootout, stab him, caught that guy, look at this one. | ||
| And it's a fucking super intense scene, so I would just watch that scene over and over and over again. | ||
| And then I'd watch other movies, and I'd get bored, and I'd go back to that movie again. | ||
| And I'd watch John Wick 2 a bunch of times, too. | ||
| But the hyper-violent scenes, when you watch those, you feel like you're there, like you're locked in. | ||
| Another thing is fights. | ||
| I would watch fights all day. | ||
| While you're on the elliptical. | ||
| Yeah, because if you're on a bike or an elliptical or a stairmill or something like that, you can watch fights. | ||
| And you start seeing stuff happen and you're thinking, oh my god, this guy's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get up, get up, get up. | |
| Look out. | ||
| He goes, oh Jesus, I always hug her. | ||
| And while you're doing that, the excitement of the fights carries you through your workout. | ||
| Are you listening to you call a fight? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| That's fucking wild. | ||
| Yeah, but it's really... | ||
| That's... | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| What matters is good fights. | ||
| It doesn't help me hearing my own voice. | ||
| This is weird. | ||
| But good fights. | ||
| Anytime it's a crazy, chaotic fight, you'll get hyped up. | ||
| And your mind will think about that more than you think about the burning in your lungs or the burning in your legs. | ||
| And just the momentum of something exciting carries you really far. | ||
| It's like music? | ||
| Music carries really far? | ||
| Music for me. | ||
| When I go run, it's music. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Like, I've tried to do on the elliptical when I watch something. | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| I just can't. | ||
| Like, I gotta have something. | ||
| Music or a podcast or an audiobook, then I can get into it. | ||
| But if you know that you're gonna be on the elliptical for hours. | ||
| It'd be hard for me to watch. | ||
| I don't know why, but I don't like watching something when I'm on a machine. | ||
| That's why, again, the gym for me is just a place to lift weights in between running. | ||
| I can't be in there. | ||
| The elliptical, the treadmills, they give me nightmares. | ||
| I'm like, these fucking things. | ||
| I just got to be outside. | ||
| You like running outside. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I just can't do it. | ||
| No, it makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, I can't do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| Yeah, I've never done a spin class, but people love that shit. | ||
| Nope, not gonna do that. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| I did the Peloton in a hotel. | ||
| I did Peloton once in a hotel. | ||
| One time? | ||
| Yeah, and my tush was in such pain. | ||
| My undercarriage, my grundle, my nifkin, and my asshole were in pain. | ||
| I don't think you're supposed to sit down. | ||
| Well, I was putting the seat in my asshole. | ||
| I thought that was what you were supposed to do the whole time. | ||
| I spit on it. | ||
| No, I did it. | ||
| I did the workout, and it was a great workout. | ||
| I will say it was awesome, but I don't like bikes that much. | ||
| I don't like biking that much. | ||
| It's just not for me. | ||
| Well, it's always more exciting to do something fun, like if you can play a game. | ||
| If you can play basketball and you get your cardio from that, it's always better. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| Yeah, or soccer. | ||
| Soccer is an awesome game for cardio. | ||
| Jesus, who has to be in better cardiovascular shape than soccer players? | ||
| No, but they run for 90 minutes straight, no breaks. | ||
| Yeah, and then they have another game tomorrow. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| Yeah, you got another... | ||
| All right, boys, rest up. | ||
| You got one in eight hours. | ||
| I mean, those dudes are always fucking cutting left and cutting right and stopping. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Those guys are in probably the most high-end cardio shape of all pro athletes. | ||
| They also pretend to get hurt worse than anybody in any other sport. | ||
| Yeah, that's part of the thing, you know? | ||
| I don't really love that, but it's part of the thing. | ||
| Ian Edwards was trying to explain it to me one time. | ||
| I just couldn't. | ||
| I was like, I don't know. | ||
| Imagine this is a sport where a big part of the thing is pretending you got hurt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| You have to fall down. | ||
| You have to fall down and pretend you got hurt. | ||
| Imagine a UFC fight if a guy walks in, flinches, and the other guy's like, and he has to get down, and the ref's like, I'm warning you, dude. | ||
| Either hit him, don't flinch. | ||
| Well, that's like, you know, they're flopping. | ||
| Flopping in the NBA. Flopping is a weird thing. | ||
| They do it in the NBA as well? | ||
| It's a big thing, man. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| It used to not be. | ||
| But it used to not be at all. | ||
| But the idea is that you can get someone to call a foul, trick the ref, and then, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and then when you start to build up fouls against the other team, they can foul out. | ||
| Why don't they check the replay before they ever do anything like that? | ||
| They do. | ||
| They do. | ||
| Okay, so if a guy flops and you know for sure that he's faking it, why can't you penalize him? | ||
| I mean, that's just not part of the game. | ||
| How about you pull out a bitch card on it? | ||
| Bitch. | ||
| You pull out a pink card. | ||
| Bitch. | ||
| In soccer, you get a yellow card if you're being a bitch. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That's a coward. | ||
| That's even better than pink. | ||
| Because pink can be powerful. | ||
| You can get a technical in basketball. | ||
| You can get a technical foul in basketball. | ||
| So pretending to be hit is a technical foul? | ||
| They don't really do it for that, though. | ||
| What do they do it for? | ||
| Like yelling or fighting or touching the ref. | ||
| Or if you're enticing some bullshit. | ||
| Like if a guy's flopping and the ref knows he's full of shit and he's trying to entice this guy, he'll give them a tech if they're jawing at each other because that's usually what happens. | ||
| So in one way, it kind of leads down the same road. | ||
| You end up getting—the refs call out the bullshit. | ||
| They have to do it in a different way. | ||
| Or they'll hit you with an unnecessary foul to check you to be like, I know what you're up to. | ||
| You're full of shit. | ||
| Taking a charge means if you stand still, someone's got to run into you. | ||
| Sometimes they'll call it on you just to be like, you know you're cheating a little bit. | ||
| You're stepping in the way. | ||
| You're breaking the rules. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know basketball enough to know what's going on. | ||
| The difference, I think, between a fight and an octagon referee versus an NBA referee, the guys in the NBA are controlling the game. | ||
| Every game is different. | ||
| There are rules, but... | ||
| Some are easily bendable or breakable at times depending on what is actually going on. | ||
| You might allow a travel if a player doesn't actually get an advantage on that. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| You just took an extra step. | ||
| You don't want to slow the game down. | ||
| You don't want to ruin everything they paid there to get. | ||
| It's kind of like intervening in a fight too much if a ref is coming in. | ||
| You don't want to really fuck up the rhythm of this thing because you know for the player's purpose and the fighter's purpose and for the entertain, at some point you're like, You're just ruining the fucking thing for everybody. | ||
| Wasn't there an issue years ago that referees were being paid by, like, gamblers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Tim Donahue, there's a whole, like, he's explained it a lot about, well, he said he was betting on advantages that he knew about, not necessarily, like, Making something happen in a different way. | ||
| I call bullshit. | ||
| Weren't there referees, though, that were accused of doing certain things? | ||
| Well, this guy got caught. | ||
| And he was a referee? | ||
| And he went to jail? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| He got caught. | ||
| He got fucked. | ||
| I mean, this actually happens more often than not. | ||
| I mean, the most famous betting story is Pete Rose in baseball. | ||
| They don't think he did anything to somehow or another... | ||
| Well, he never bet on his team's games. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| I thought he did, though. | ||
| I thought someone called bullshit on that. | ||
| I don't think they ever found it. | ||
| I don't think he was betting on his own. | ||
| Why don't you Google, did Pete Rose ever bet on his own games? | ||
| But anyway, so the problem was that he bet on baseball. | ||
| Well, yeah, but Tim Donaghy, the NBA ref, they said they were betting on games. | ||
| No, but I mean Pete Rose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He said he only bet on his team to win. | ||
| He never bet against them, right. | ||
| He bet on other games and then only bet on them to get a W. Well, man, am I wrong in thinking that that should be okay? | ||
| I don't think it's wrong. | ||
| If you bet on your team to win... | ||
| Why wouldn't you bet on your team? | ||
| Put your money where your mouth is, bitch. | ||
| There's no book obtained that says in 1986 he bet against the team. | ||
| He bet against them. | ||
| Dude, that's what I read. | ||
| That's right, that's right. | ||
| Okay, so that's the issue. | ||
| But I think you should be able to bet for your team to win. | ||
| Yeah, for your team to win for sure. | ||
| In a fight in Vegas, can't you put a bet on you to win? | ||
| Could you bet on yourself to win? | ||
| Yeah, guys do that. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's totally fine. | ||
| A lot of fighters have bet on themselves to win. | ||
| Well, why not? | ||
| I don't understand why not. | ||
| They should totally be able to do that. | ||
| But they're a one-man team. | ||
| I think the real question would be if he bet against his team, and it says he did, and if that is the case, and he did something to win the bet, and tried to cost his team, like made decisions that weren't the best decisions, put the wrong people in his pitchers. | ||
| Well, then the other side of it is, even on a one-man team, let's say me and you are fighting. | ||
| I bet me to win, but you know that you're going to throw the fight, and I'm going to get you some of the winnings. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| That's the other side of it. | ||
| Oh, okay, because there's other people involved. | ||
| Yeah, you could definitely do that. | ||
| We could make agreements. | ||
| Yeah, that would be the thing. | ||
| If I said, hey, man, you've got to throw this fight. | ||
| I'm basically paying you to throw the fight, knowing that I'm betting on myself to win. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, and I would bet against myself. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People have definitely done that. | ||
| Yeah, that's where it gets shady. | ||
| Well, referees in boxing, for sure, have been shady, and so have judges. | ||
| Judges have been caught, for sure, rendering decisions that didn't make any sense, and then, you know... | ||
| Taking money? | ||
| Yeah, they must have. | ||
| I mean, I don't know how many times they've been, like... | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| How many boxing judge arrested for corruption? | ||
| Just Google that. | ||
| This Pete Rose thing is very confusing. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| It's more about, I guess, if he bet while he was a player versus being a manager. | ||
| And it says, documents obtained by outside lines reflect betting records from 1886, which is when he was a player. | ||
| 1886? | ||
| Sorry, 1986. Jesus Christ. | ||
| It showed no evidence that Rose, who was a player, manager them, bet against his team. | ||
| Sorry, I misread that when I said that. | ||
| Well, yeah, but that was the stipulation of the Hall of Fame. | ||
| Okay, so there's no evidence that he bet against himself or his team. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Okay, then I'm fine with it again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, if I was a fucking player and the coach said, I just put five ground on you motherfuckers, let's do this shit. | ||
| I'd be like, that coach believes in us. | ||
| Fucking A. He's putting his money on it. | ||
| You know, the argument was whether or not he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. | ||
| Of course he does. | ||
| You know, that was the whole thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course he does. | |
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| It's a savage sport where guys are hitting a leather-covered ball of string. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah, what do you want? | ||
| I mean, you're smashing this thing, and you're running around. | ||
| It's a sport. | ||
| Sports are all dominated by savages. | ||
| Pops up on this guy. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Maybe the worst referee. | ||
| I guess it's videos about the boxing thing. | ||
| Oh, there was a really bad stoppage this past weekend in the UFC. Really bad. | ||
| Really bad. | ||
| That gets so much controversy, huh? | ||
| This one was a bad one. | ||
| It was the worst stoppage I've ever seen. | ||
| There was this guy. | ||
| You can find it in the UFC's... | ||
| I've got to remember how to say this guy's name. | ||
| Why did he claim he stopped the fight? | ||
| Well, the referee... | ||
| I don't want to call the referee out. | ||
| There's no need to. | ||
| Everybody knows who it is. | ||
| He's a nice guy. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| Referees fuck up sometimes. | ||
| He thought the guy was hurt. | ||
| And he wasn't hurt. | ||
| He was faking it. | ||
| Okay, so the Magomed Ankalev, I think that's how you say it, and I forget I say Kutabela's first name. | ||
| I think it's Eon. | ||
| I think it's Eon Kutabela. | ||
| So Kutabela was playing possum. | ||
| If you watch the video, you can see the video. | ||
| It looks like he's playing possum. | ||
| See, he's pretending that he's hurt. | ||
| See, he got hit for sure, but look how he's waggling his head back and forth. | ||
| He's trying to sucker him in for that right hand. | ||
| He's trying to pretend that he's hurt and then throw that right hand. | ||
| And the referee stops the fight while he's throwing punches. | ||
| But look at him, look at him. | ||
| As soon as the referee stops the fight, he's like, I'm fine. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| That's not a guy who's rocked. | ||
| If you watch it again, you can see that he definitely is getting hit, but you can also see that that's fake. | ||
| That's wobbly with the head. | ||
| He's trying to lure the guy into thinking that he's so hurt. | ||
| That he can't control himself and he's trying to throw haymakers. | ||
| But he's also definitely getting hit too. | ||
| So I could see how the referee fell for it. | ||
| But you gotta let guys fight. | ||
| You gotta let guys fight. | ||
| And sometimes referees, in the interest of the fighter, trying to save a guy from damage, they step in and they make a mistake. | ||
| That's an easy mistake to make. | ||
| Because it is a really bad stoppage. | ||
| But because the fact that he was faking like he was hurt. | ||
| But he wasn't faking like he was hurt enough to stop a fight. | ||
| No, it didn't look like it. | ||
| When a guy's swinging back with big wild haymakers, he could win at any time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| Right? | ||
| I mean, we've seen that in a lot of fights. | ||
| A few of those looked fucking brutal. | ||
| I mean, there's been many, many fights where you see a guy win a fight that he's getting dominated because he catches a guy who gets overzealous and tries to finish him off. | ||
| That's what we got robbed of. | ||
| The referee fucked up. | ||
| Or the, you know, the referee... | ||
| I mean, he fucked up, but he also was a little bit tricked by this guy's trying to lure this guy in by pretending and then exploding. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He didn't look like... | ||
| But even if the guy was really that rocked, it wasn't enough to stop the fight. | ||
| That guy was throwing back. | ||
| He was defending himself. | ||
| He was moving back with his hands up, and he's throwing in a fight. | ||
| You know, the fight just doesn't end when someone gets hit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, no, the fight ends when you can't protect yourself anymore. | ||
| When it was defenseless, yeah. | ||
| He was not defenseless. | ||
| He was very dangerous still. | ||
| That was a bummer to watch. | ||
| That's one of those things where, well, you feel bad for the guy. | ||
| He fucked up a little bit. | ||
| He's not a, you know... | ||
| The referee's not a bad guy. | ||
| He just fucked up. | ||
| And then the fighter, you gotta think, that guy trained for months for that moment. | ||
| And he's trying to sucker this guy in. | ||
| I mean, maybe he's got this thing that he does. | ||
| Is he Russian? | ||
| He pretends like he's hurt. | ||
| I don't know where Kutabel is from. | ||
| Because that ref's gonna die. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| If he's Russian, that ref's dead. | ||
| Ref's dead in a month. | ||
| I don't think it's a corruption thing. | ||
| I think that's just a mistake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fucking hard, man. | ||
| Moldova. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Moldova. | |
| It's a fucking hard job, man. | ||
| You're in there, and these dudes are throwing their fucking knees in each other's faces. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Head kicking each other. | ||
| And it's just you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| Other sports have many refs. | ||
| You're the only one, dude. | ||
| And you're all on edge and shit. | ||
| When do I stop it? | ||
| When do I stop it? | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Yeah, the pressure is insane. | ||
| So many other sports can rely on other referees to go, oh shit, I think we fucked up or I fucked up. | ||
| This one is like, it's this, dude. | ||
| That was a bad call. | ||
| Yeah, that was a bad call. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| It's a hard gig, Tantino. | ||
| It's a tough gig to do. | ||
| Bro, we didn't even talk about your show. | ||
| You have a new show. | ||
| I got a new show. | ||
| Doesn't it come out today or something? | ||
| Comes out today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Next week? | |
| Comes out today. | ||
| March 4th? | ||
| It's already March 4th. | ||
| Comes out today. | ||
| How is it March 4th? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I feel like I've been abducted by aliens and time's been stolen from me. | ||
| It comes out today on FXX and on Hulu. | ||
| You and that little dicky! | ||
| Me and little dicky. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Who's that guy? | ||
| Wait, wait, hold on. | ||
| When you play a clip about what I said about the show, I can't believe they left it in. | ||
| Is that Little Dicky's parents? | ||
| That's his parents that play his parents on the show. | ||
| Look at the very end, there's a clip I say. | ||
| Nah, keep going. | ||
| Me, that's me talking head. | ||
| Listen to what I say about the show. | ||
| You're going to love it. | ||
| Turn this up. | ||
| And everyone should be embarrassed to be a part of it. | ||
| Alright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a great show. | |
| It's a great show. | ||
| I actually think it's going to be one of the best shows ever. | ||
| Lil Dicky thinks it's going to be one of the best shows ever. | ||
| So congratulations on being a part of one of the best shows ever. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| I just think it's funny the FX guy was like, how do you think? | ||
| You know, they're fucking rousing me into saying something. | ||
| I go, I think it's one of the worst shows of all time and everyone should be embarrassed to be a part of it. | ||
| And he's looking at me like... | ||
| I'm like, dude, I'm a comedian. | ||
| It's a joke. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| This is a comedy. | ||
| And they took it so serious. | ||
| Doomed. | ||
| And they're making comedy. | ||
| Doomed. | ||
| Get out of there. | ||
| Come back to the store. | ||
| Why are you on TV? Stop it. | ||
| See? | ||
| These are the guys that are doing the promo, the advertising company. | ||
| They come in and be like, hey, tell us about the show. | ||
| It's like, what do you want me to fucking say? | ||
| I'm never good at those. | ||
| You need a better agent. | ||
| That has nothing to do. | ||
| Agent shields you from that and says, Mr. Santino, let's not talk to you. | ||
| People that don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| That's like when you go to a premiere. | ||
| When you do a premiere, they ask these questions. | ||
| Don't go to the premiere. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| You don't have to? | ||
| You do. | ||
| It's in your contract. | ||
| You gotta go. | ||
| You gotta get a better agent that doesn't put that shit in your contract. | ||
| Joe, see what he does? | ||
| Stop fucking laughing. | ||
| This is him just baiting me to get angry about it. | ||
| You have to go. | ||
| I don't have a choice. | ||
| Look, but the show is good. | ||
| People watch the show. | ||
| It's gonna be good. | ||
| That's what's important. | ||
| Yeah, the show is good. | ||
| Watch the show. | ||
| It's gonna be fucking funny. | ||
| And if it's not, it's all Joe Rogan's fault. | ||
| You see him aggressive. | ||
| Because you know how to get my goat. | ||
| Like you don't fucking know. | ||
| Watch the show. | ||
| Watch the show on... | ||
| You in town Thursday night? | ||
| No, I go to... | ||
| I'm in Philly this weekend. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| You leave when? | ||
| Thursday? | ||
| Thursday. | ||
| I'm in Philly all weekend. | ||
| Where are you? | ||
| Punchline in Philly. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Come see me in Philly. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Telling them good jokes. | ||
| Dom Herrera called me last night. | ||
| Who are you working with there? | ||
| An incredible young comic named Chris O'Connor, who's great, dude. | ||
| I say young comic. | ||
| He's my, you know, young guy, I mean. | ||
| He's a Philly guy, now lives in New York. | ||
| He's fucking phenomenal. | ||
| So he'll be out there with me having some fun, and then a local young, probably funny host, hopefully. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Is tickets still available? | ||
| A few are still left. | ||
| A few are still left for Philly, and then I've got a bunch of dates. | ||
| Cincinnati, I'm going to fucking buttfuck Ohio, you know? | ||
| Is it Cheeto Santino? | ||
| Bro, he's shitting in Ohio again. | ||
| He knows it's all love. | ||
| Good luck going there. | ||
| They take Ohio seriously. | ||
| I'm doing Cincinnati and Cleveland at the end of the month. | ||
| All that stuff is on AndrewSantino.com and then you and I have some fun together in 420, baby. | ||
| That I'm excited for. | ||
| You, me, and the Golden Pony. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| We're flying all the way to Vancouver. | ||
| I can't wait for that. | ||
| There's still some tickets but not much. | ||
| A lot of nosebleeds left. | ||
| We're doing an arena on 420 in Vancouver. | ||
| And how many seats do you know? | ||
| Do you remember? | ||
| Thousands. | ||
| Thousands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thousands and thousands. | |
| Yeah, man, I'm happy. | ||
| It's like 13,000 or something like that. | ||
| I love doing it. | ||
| I love doing my own shows, and I love coming and doing your big fucking massive insane shows. | ||
| Those are ridiculous. | ||
| I'm still not used to them. | ||
| Arenas? | ||
| How could you ever get used to it? | ||
| It's such a weird... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so weird. | |
| But you don't love it as much as when we do theaters. | ||
| I love all of it. | ||
| You see, but don't you like theaters more connectivity-wise? | ||
| It is, but there's something wild about doing 14,000 people. | ||
| Like that San Diego 420 last year? | ||
| That was fucking wild. | ||
| That shit was wild. | ||
| Also, we got high before, and I thought I got nervous. | ||
| Like, I gotta do push-ups or sit-ups. | ||
| Of course you did. | ||
| I got too baked. | ||
| 14,000 people in an arena on 420. It was awesome. | ||
| It's gonna happen again in Vancouver this year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Me too, brother. | ||
| No, it's Andrew Santino. | ||
| You should make it CheetosSantino.com. | ||
| No, it's CheetosSantino. | ||
| Oh, my website's Andrew Santino, but it's CheetosSantino across social media. | ||
| Who has CheetosSantino.com? | ||
| I can't fuck with Cheetos because Lay's will sue me. | ||
| But just get CheetosSantino.com so someone doesn't fuck it up. | ||
| I'm gonna do it before they shut me down. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| We should probably edit that part out so people don't hear it. | ||
| Goodbye, everybody! |
Export Selection