Speaker | Time | Text |
---|---|---|
unidentified
|
Oh, here we go. | |
Good? | ||
Hello, Jimmy. | ||
Hi, Joe. | ||
What's going on, buddy? | ||
Good to see you. | ||
Good to see you, too. | ||
What's happening? | ||
Well, we were just talking about the Air Force admitting that their pilots had seen UFOs, and you were telling me you interviewed one of those pilots. | ||
Yes, I interviewed Commander Fravor, and he was saying that this... | ||
Chocolate would be my favorite. | ||
Come on! | ||
It's with an R. Fravor. | ||
Fravor. | ||
Fravor. | ||
Okay. | ||
He was one of the guys that actually went to... | ||
What is the word they do when they scramble and go to try to figure out what the fuck something is? | ||
But they monitored this thing. | ||
They saw it with their eyes. | ||
They saw it with their equipment. | ||
It was actively jamming the radar, whatever this thing was. | ||
It was shaped like a Tic Tac. | ||
And it moved so fast, you couldn't track it with the human eye. | ||
They said it went from... | ||
I think they said some impossible number, like 60,000 feet down to 200 feet in less than a second. | ||
Like whatever you could track. | ||
You know a radar does a blip, blip, blip, blip. | ||
They don't know how fast it actually went. | ||
They just know it went this insane distance. | ||
In less than a second, less than a radar jump. | ||
And they had observed them in that area without his knowledge, like other Air Force pilots had observed them, and then had brought it up the top of the food chain, but it wasn't something that got distributed to everybody until he saw it. | ||
When he saw it, he was like, what in the fuck am I looking at here? | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
And they're like, yeah, we've been seeing these things. | ||
And this thing with no active propulsion system that you could recognize. | ||
There was nothing around, no fire coming out of it, nothing around. | ||
And it would just disappear. | ||
Take off at an insane race of speed. | ||
And actively jamming the radar. | ||
So when I covered this on my show, I said, now, I've heard reports that pilots see this stuff all the time, but they never confirmed it. | ||
And my question was... | ||
Why now? | ||
Why would the Air Force be confirming that they saw UFOs now? | ||
Because, again, there have been reports that pilots have seen this stuff forever. | ||
I'm not saying it didn't happen. | ||
I'm saying, why are they admitting it happened now? | ||
And then, of course, you see in this last defense budget, they put in money for a Space Force. | ||
I think the money for the Space Force, though, isn't that because China is able to... | ||
That's what they say. | ||
Whatever they can do to make sure we want to spend more money, that's what they'll do. | ||
Hey, we saw a UFO. Hey, China. | ||
Hey, look over there. | ||
We got to spend more money. | ||
unidentified
|
You think that's what it is? | |
That's why they're admitting it? | ||
But Fravor, I guarantee you, isn't in that. | ||
No, no, I guarantee you saw it. | ||
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
They're just now... | ||
But before, they would say, that's not true. | ||
The Air Force would go, we don't acknowledge that. | ||
And now they're going to acknowledge it. | ||
You're probably right. | ||
There's probably something to that, that it's just about budgets. | ||
I don't want to be that cynical when it comes to something like that. | ||
Really? | ||
That's cynical? | ||
I want to think that... | ||
Come on, that's not cynical. | ||
That's two plus two. | ||
It is, you're right. | ||
But it's also cynical. | ||
The only reason why they're telling us is because of budgets. | ||
It's both things. | ||
Yeah, okay. | ||
I mean, look, 100% is how they do it. | ||
If they need some sort of justification for expanding their reach or expanding their budget, they come up with some threat. | ||
Well, listen to this, Joe. | ||
This is what I keep telling people, and no one seems to think this is a big deal. | ||
But, you know, the Democrats and the mainstream news have spent the last three years telling everybody that Trump is a Manchurian candidate, he's a traitor to our country, and working under the behest of Vladimir Putin. | ||
And while they're impeaching him, they're voting to give him an extra $131 billion to go bomb anybody he wants. | ||
And if he's bombing at the behest of Vladimir Putin, why would you give him an extra $131 billion? | ||
Now let me tell you how much $131 billion is, Joe. | ||
Please do. | ||
Well, $20 billion would end homelessness. | ||
And homelessness. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Is that real, though? | ||
That's the figure. | ||
We can get to that in a moment. | ||
But let's just say it's $20 billion. | ||
A year. | ||
Not just once. | ||
But every year you'd have to spend $20 billion. | ||
Right. | ||
Okay, guess what? | ||
They're spending an extra $131 billion since Trump took office every year going forward on bomb. | ||
$131 billion. | ||
So if they just spent $110 billion, we'd have no homeless people. | ||
Yes, if they took that money and put it towards it. | ||
So somebody told me the difference between a million and a billion. | ||
So I read this. | ||
So I don't know, maybe you want to fact check and make sure I'm not full of shit again. | ||
So like a million seconds would be like 11 days. | ||
But a billion seconds is like 33 years. | ||
Something like that. | ||
I'm not sure, but it's close. | ||
So that's $131 billion could do a lot of good things. | ||
We could half our military budget and we'd still be spending more than any other country. | ||
Now, why do you think that they would do that? | ||
Why do you think while they're impeaching him, they would also approve this incredible budget increase for military? | ||
Because they're owned, right, by the military-industrial complex. | ||
That's why, because they, you know, the defense secretaries just came right from Raytheon, right? | ||
The guy before, the Secretary of State, came right from Exxon. | ||
I mean, come on! | ||
That's the beauty of Trump, is like, you don't have to figure it out. | ||
It's right there. | ||
They asked him the other day about his criticisms of how he's handling. | ||
He goes, you know, they said I didn't pull out of Syria, and I did, but I left troops for the oil. | ||
They're just there to guard the oil. | ||
unidentified
|
And he just says it. | |
So, A, proves he's the funniest president we've ever had. | ||
Oh, for sure. | ||
Oh, no doubt. | ||
No doubt. | ||
No doubt. | ||
I thought George Bush was funny. | ||
This guy, he's intentionally and unintentionally the funniest president we've ever had. | ||
Like, the other day, he was doing a signing. | ||
So, in 2019, was the 100-year anniversary, the centennial anniversary of women getting the right to vote, women's suffrage. | ||
So, he was signing a thing, commemorating it, the 100-year, they're going to have a coin. | ||
And as he's signing, he goes, you know, I heard they've been working on getting this done for a long time. | ||
I wonder why it finally happened now. | ||
Well, because it's centennials now, dummy. | ||
unidentified
|
You can't do it. | |
Why didn't 100 years happen faster? | ||
And he's sitting around going, well, we get stuff done. | ||
That's why it happened. | ||
And they're all looking at him like, okay, Mr. President. | ||
But he straight faces it. | ||
It's hilarious. | ||
Do you think he's on speed? | ||
And somebody... | ||
Oh, well... | ||
So when he did that one video... | ||
With the drawer open? | ||
With the drawer open. | ||
It was actually a photo. | ||
It was a photo when he was eating that taco bowl. | ||
Oh, right. | ||
That's it. | ||
Like, I love Hispanics. | ||
Remember that? | ||
It was after he said some rude shit about Mexicans. | ||
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
So he does this taco bowl thing. | ||
Trump Tower is the best taco bowls. | ||
I love Hispanics. | ||
Yes, and the drawer was open and you saw he had that stuff from England or whatever, right? | ||
The pseudo-fed. | ||
Super powerful pseudo-ephedrine, which is essentially a type of speed. | ||
Well, I like him on speed better than the other guy. | ||
I like the speedy Trump. | ||
He's entertaining. | ||
Well, sometimes it wears off, though, and you see him slurring his words, and it gets really weird. | ||
He doesn't even try to finish words sometimes. | ||
He tried, but he can't. | ||
You can see him have a hard time with words sometimes. | ||
What was the one word? | ||
Him and George Bush both... | ||
Oh, sovereignty. | ||
They both... | ||
Sovereign. | ||
Sovereign. | ||
Well, there's that one. | ||
David Pakman put a video up that showed all the different times that Trump has struggled to talk. | ||
But there's one that's really disturbing because it's obvious he's under some sort of sedative or he's coming down from some speed and he's barely staying awake while he's talking. | ||
It's like if you called me at 3 o'clock in the morning and I just worked 24 hours in a row and you're like, hey man, what are you doing? | ||
Oh, fucking Jesus. | ||
It's literally like that. | ||
Yeah, you've never seen it? | ||
No, I haven't seen it, no. | ||
See if you can find it, because it's really bonkers. | ||
Because when you hear him talk, you're like, oh my god. | ||
There was no discussion of this. | ||
It's not like he came out later and said, hey, guys, I had a bad night last night. | ||
Somebody slipped me a Mickey. | ||
It was a real issue. | ||
Well, his whole thing is he's a teetotaler, right? | ||
That's nonsense. | ||
Is it? | ||
Yeah, the pseudoephedrine, all that stuff. | ||
But then it turns out he's doing, you know, pharmaceuticals. | ||
Yes. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He's doing what's legal. | ||
That's what it is. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
You know, if the doctor writes him a prescription, you know, there was this whole thing with... | ||
What was that? | ||
There was a reporter that named the Dwayne Reed pharmacy that he had gone to in New York to fill this prescription for a metabolic condition, which he said is like a bullshit reason. | ||
He took diet pills. | ||
And the dye pills were speed. | ||
But it was prescribed by his doctor. | ||
But look, if you're a guy who wants to fucking get shit done all the time, you want to be on speed. | ||
Speed's the way to go. | ||
I know people who say they write songs on speed, like musicians. | ||
Slayer? | ||
I don't know Slayer, but... | ||
That seems like the kind of music you'd write on speed. | ||
Rah! | ||
unidentified
|
Ta-ta! | |
Oh, okay. | ||
You know? | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's speed music. | ||
I don't know what the kids listen to. | ||
Sarah McLaughlin on speed. | ||
Can you imagine? | ||
She'd be like, fuck those puppies. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know, I went to one of those, what were they called? | ||
The women's Lollapalooza? | ||
What were they called? | ||
Lilith Fair? | ||
Lilith Fair. | ||
I was dating a girl. | ||
Oh, no. | ||
And she took me a lot of those things. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, Jimmy. | |
Oh, my God. | ||
She's just trying to drain you. | ||
Turns out I was going through a mentally imbalanced time. | ||
I didn't know. | ||
Turns out I was like, oh, that was when I was going through a nervous breakdown. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
In the arms of a... | ||
It's great music to listen to right before you go to bed. | ||
No, but I do remember the... | ||
What's that hard-rockin' woman who's really good? | ||
There's one that's really good. | ||
Chrissy... | ||
Chrissy Hine? | ||
Yeah. | ||
From The Pretenders? | ||
That's it. | ||
Yeah, she's a beast. | ||
She was there that time. | ||
I'm like, this is good! | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
I was like, that's really good! | ||
Yeah. | ||
No, I always loved her. | ||
Yeah. | ||
She's awesome. | ||
I was like, why don't you just have her play more? | ||
Yeah, what the fuck is this? | ||
I can't even remember who else was there. | ||
Anytime you have an all-woman's anything, or an all-man's anything for that matter, it's a mess. | ||
Like if you say, this is a men's conference, we're here for men's rights and men's issues. | ||
That's not good. | ||
Yeah, you're going to find a bunch of bitch-ass men, too. | ||
You're not going to find any real men in an all-men's getaway. | ||
Let's get together and talk about our problems, and they all stem from bitches. | ||
Yeah, these girls motherfuckers. | ||
It's a horrible situation. | ||
I don't know how... | ||
I don't know how women... | ||
I just feel sorry for women that have to fuck men. | ||
unidentified
|
I do too. | |
Don't you? | ||
We're gross. | ||
No kidding. | ||
No kidding. | ||
And do you ever just listen to the way guys talk to women trying to get laid? | ||
It's like, oh my god. | ||
Especially dumb guys. | ||
Which is most guys. | ||
Most guys, yeah. | ||
Most people. | ||
unidentified
|
Most men and women are dumb. | |
Yes. | ||
It's a fact. | ||
I'm close. | ||
I'm in the dumb... | ||
Yeah, I'm pretty dumb. | ||
There's gaps in my knowledge that I can believe. | ||
Oh yeah, and neither of us are going to figure anything out. | ||
unidentified
|
We're not that guy that they're going to call on. | |
There's a real issue. | ||
We need Jimmy Dore. | ||
No, but see, that's the thing, Joe, about my whole show, is that someone as dumb as me can see through this stuff. | ||
I can put it together. | ||
Oh, we're going to admit that we have UFOs, and now we're going to have a space bar. | ||
Okay, I can put that together. | ||
That's the whole thing. | ||
It's like, if I can do this, I know they can do this, they're just not doing it. | ||
I think the UFO thing is... | ||
I know you're probably right in terms of one of the reasons why they released it, but I think there's also this... | ||
When you get a bunch of really credible people, like that Commander Fravor guy, when you get actual data, like radar, you actually can look at the video of the infrared camera of them tracking that thing. | ||
There's enough of those now that people are like, well, what the fuck is going on? | ||
And if you guys have all this money and all this equipment, is this something that the Chinese are doing or the Russians are doing? | ||
Or is this something that you can't explain? | ||
And I think... | ||
We're in this area where there's so much information. | ||
People can get a hold of so many videos and so much stuff that they kind of have to start talking about it now. | ||
Okay. | ||
You know, I see how they shut down conversations around the most innocuous of inquiries. | ||
That's true, too. | ||
They shame pretty hard. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's true, too. | ||
But when you've got a guy who's like a decorated pilot like Fravor, and he's like, look, I don't have any other crazy stories in my past. | ||
He's not a crazy guy. | ||
He's a pretty rock-solid, general, all-around American hero type guy. | ||
And he's like, look, I'll tell you what I fucking saw. | ||
And it's pretty crazy. | ||
Those pilots, though, they live a crazy life, don't they? | ||
Well, they have to. | ||
I mean, Sex at Dawn, right? | ||
They go faster than the speed of sound. | ||
Oh, Sex at Dawn with the book? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Look, Chris is a good friend of mine. | ||
unidentified
|
I think... | |
I think there's some of the things that Chris looks at. | ||
Chris is kind of a freak. | ||
He wants things to be a little on the freaky side. | ||
But the idea about the pilots is that they all swipe swapping. | ||
Because they think they could die at any moment. | ||
They create this bond. | ||
Yes. | ||
They want someone to love their wife as much as they do. | ||
Or maybe they want to fuck their buddy's wife and they're all doing coke. | ||
Maybe that could be it too. | ||
Maybe they're all on fucking meth. | ||
They're all on Donald Trump's diet pills and they want to bag each other's wives. | ||
So you don't think that happened? | ||
It probably sure happens, especially during wartime. | ||
People shift. | ||
War is crazy. | ||
The mind shifts when you see bodies, when you've killed people, when you've made these rationalizations, and also you're very aware that someone's trying to do to you what you've done to people, and your entire existence, from dawn till dust, is eliminate the enemy. | ||
It's a mindset that people slide right into. | ||
My doctor, Dr. Sharp. | ||
That fucking guy? | ||
No, I'm just kidding. | ||
Dr. Sharp. | ||
Just kidding, Dr. Sharp. | ||
So, Dr. Charles Sharp, he's the greatest endocrinologist. | ||
Dr. Charles Glendale? | ||
That guy? | ||
He's in Pasadena. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
I almost said Pasadena. | ||
Oh, if you would have said that, it freaks out. | ||
Fuck! | ||
I want Glendale because it's funnier. | ||
I always go Glendale. | ||
I always go Glendale. | ||
And then I go Glendale and then Torrance. | ||
Torrance is a good one too. | ||
Torrance is good. | ||
It's like, why are you living there? | ||
What are you in a Pinto and Taurus? | ||
Anyway, so, what was I talking about? | ||
Dr. Sharp. | ||
Oh, so he said he smoked pot when he was in Vietnam, because I told him I smoked pot, right, just to let him know everything that's happening with me chemically. | ||
And he said that, he said, yeah, I did it. | ||
I said, did you ever smoke? | ||
He goes, yeah, I did it once in Vietnam. | ||
He said they would have a helicopter circling the medical, he was a doctor, the medical, and so you could always hear it constantly searching for whatever, people coming to get us, and then all of a sudden I didn't hear it. | ||
And it had crashed, right? | ||
So I had to go help the guy, and he said, I just smoked pot, and as a doctor, you have to be able to disassociate from what you're doing, and he said, I couldn't. | ||
And he said, so when I came up on him, and I could tell this guy was going to be crippled, and I couldn't, it messed me up. | ||
He goes, so I never smoked pot again. | ||
Wow. | ||
And I could see, could you imagine, like, you're new to pot, you know how it makes you sense things extra, especially when you first start, you know how you just extra sense, and then you walk up on a scene like that, like, oh my god, I couldn't imagine that. | ||
unidentified
|
So that, yeah, I probably would stop smoking pot if Talk about bad trips. | |
Bad. | ||
Bad trip. | ||
That's as bad as it gets. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Walk up on someone who just crashed in a helicopter in the middle of a war and you're high as fuck and you realize he's crippled. | ||
So let me ask you a question. | ||
When I would travel out of the country, I would always think that, oh, I get like a little cold flu thing every time I travel out of the country. | ||
Like I would get night sweats and I would kind of get headaches and I would feel a little flu-y, you know? | ||
And then I got this dental implant, and so I didn't, so I want, you know, they say don't smoke or whatever, so I'm like going to be extra good. | ||
I didn't smoke for a whole week. | ||
I felt like I felt when I go to Europe. | ||
So you think you have a physical addiction? | ||
Yes! | ||
I was like, no way! | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
I mean, that's why I wanted to ask. | ||
Has it ever happened to you when you travel outside the country? | ||
No, no, but some people do have that, apparently. | ||
Yes, like night sweats. | ||
It's the worst. | ||
unidentified
|
Night sweats. | |
You wake up, and you know, as soon as I take this cover off, it's going to be freezing. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, so I've got to get up and change my T-shirt. | ||
I swear to sleep in a T-shirt and jeans. | ||
I don't know if you do that. | ||
I like to be ready. | ||
And Timbalands. | ||
I want to go! | ||
Now, do you smoke before you go to bed? | ||
Is that your move? | ||
Of course. | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
So it helps you sleep. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
How about you? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
It doesn't help you sleep? | ||
No. | ||
No. | ||
No, when I smoke pot, I'm awake. | ||
I start thinking about shit. | ||
I don't want to go to sleep. | ||
Oh, it depends what I smoke, right? | ||
So there's the thinky pot and then there's the sleepy pot. | ||
Yeah, even the sleepy pot makes me... | ||
Sometimes. | ||
It gives me a burst, but then I smoke this stuff called GMO. Whoa. | ||
It is the best. | ||
Genetically modified organisms? | ||
Oh, I wonder if that's what it stands for. | ||
Yeah, exactly. | ||
They're trying to fuck with you. | ||
They're like, this is GMO shit, son. | ||
They are fucking with me. | ||
It's working. | ||
They're genetically modifying the weed, for sure. | ||
Stuff we get today. | ||
So I get this at my place over in Eagle Rock. | ||
So I was in Portland last week, and it's legal. | ||
So I just walk into a pot store, and I go, hey, I'm looking for an Indica high THC. He goes, how about GMO? I go, you're kidding! | ||
And it's my fucking bear head. | ||
It was great. | ||
How high is it? | ||
It's got like 29% THC. What was that shit that Kevin Smith dropped off? | ||
Wasn't it 42%? | ||
How do you get something 42%? | ||
He's going hard. | ||
He's an all-day guy. | ||
He's one of them all-day guys. | ||
He starts off in the morning and just keeps going. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So that the problem with... | ||
Like, I love to take a little puff in the morning with my coffee or what have you. | ||
But the problem is, you're giving up your later night buzz. | ||
Because I can't get buzzed more than once or twice a day. | ||
That's it. | ||
Because of my tolerance. | ||
And then if I try to smoke more, I'll just get a headache. | ||
Do you ever get headaches? | ||
No, I don't get headaches from potty. | ||
You don't get any of these problems? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
I just get the over-stimulation. | ||
I mean, you would call it paranoia, but I kind of welcome it sometimes because I think it's good to be hyper-aware of all these different things. | ||
And it makes you appreciate when you're not. | ||
I think that feeling that you get when you get high, when you're like, oh my god, everything is fucking dangerous. | ||
The world is a dangerous place, and I'm going to die someday for sure. | ||
Everyone around me is going to die. | ||
I hope they don't die today. | ||
It's like... | ||
I'm gonna be 60! | ||
And the crazy thing is, like, these feelings, for some reason, aren't there, even though you know those things to be a fact. | ||
unidentified
|
I know. | |
Like, you know you're, like, basically, like, we are all water balloons. | ||
We're, like, water balloons of blood with, like, sticks holding us together. | ||
We're so doughy and fleshy and weak and vulnerable. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
And, you know, like that guy when he found that helicopter had crashed. | ||
That's what happens to your body. | ||
Your body's a very vulnerable thing. | ||
It's not very tough. | ||
Even the toughest body is very vulnerable. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, I know. | ||
I watch boxing. | ||
Yeah. | ||
See him go down. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Toughest guys in the world. | ||
But you know what? | ||
I always wondered what... | ||
I've been knocked out. | ||
You've been knocked out? | ||
Yes. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
So it's not a big... | ||
Like, when you get knocked out and you wake up, you don't know... | ||
You're like, did I just get knocked out? | ||
I've never been knocked completely unconscious, but I got TKO'd in a kickboxing bout. | ||
I got dropped, and then I got hit with a bunch of other punches, and the referee stopped it. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
That was more like my, that was a weird, that was the weirdest feeling I had ever had up to that moment was like my legs just stopped working. | ||
They just shut off. | ||
Like this guy hit me with a left hook. | ||
I was conscious, but my legs just went whoop. | ||
Oh, that's when they go, his legs aren't there. | ||
You always heard them say that. | ||
But, like, they literally go out. | ||
unidentified
|
They go, woo! | |
And you fell? | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
I fell. | ||
They stopped working. | ||
It's very strange. | ||
And it's like your brain gets jostled around inside your head. | ||
And also, when you get hit on the jaw, there's nerves behind your jaw. | ||
And when the bone of your jaw slams into those nerves, and your head gets rattled, and the brain... | ||
All of it together is like everything just goes... | ||
What's happening here? | ||
You know, sometimes you get knocked unconscious. | ||
I didn't get knocked unconscious, but... | ||
My shit just shut off. | ||
I'm always surprised when guys get knocked out, they don't piss themselves. | ||
Sometimes they do. | ||
They do a lot of times when you choke them out. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Yeah, when you choke guys out, they piss themselves all the time. | ||
They shit themselves, too, if they have to shit. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
They just lose control of their body. | ||
So before you go fight, do you try to make sure you don't have to take a shit? | ||
Yeah, sometimes guys do have to take a shit though. | ||
One time, Michael Chiesa, who's a top UFC fighter, right before he was fighting, he looked over at me. | ||
As he got into the cage, he goes, dude, I'm going to shit myself. | ||
He goes, I guarantee you I'm going to shit myself while this fight's going on. | ||
I'm like, fuck! | ||
Why wouldn't he just go to the bathroom? | ||
Couldn't! | ||
It was the way it worked out, like, you know, they're calling, okay, you're up. | ||
You can feel it's coming, but you can't go right now. | ||
Yeah, it's like, oh no, and then he just makes the rock up there, and then all of a sudden, blah, blah, blah, blah, diarrhea, he's like, oh my god, he wound up winning the fight. | ||
But did he shit? | ||
No, he didn't shit himself. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
I talked to him, he's like, I swore I was gonna shit myself. | ||
I talked to him. | ||
He's a funny dude. | ||
No, I didn't talk about it. | ||
I don't think I said it. | ||
I don't think I said it, but I talked to him. | ||
I talked about it with him after the fight. | ||
He's like, no, I didn't shit myself. | ||
That would be funny. | ||
And we were laughing about it. | ||
If you could talk about it. | ||
It's like, I'm going to have diarrhea. | ||
Let me talk to you for a second. | ||
Have you heard this story? | ||
Well, if you do, you know, if you have diarrhea, it's like, it's one of those things, man. | ||
I've been on this carnivore diet. | ||
Do you know what that is? | ||
No. | ||
I'm eating only meat for the entire month of January, just to see what it's like. | ||
No vegetables. | ||
None. | ||
Zero. | ||
I had an olive, and I had one piece of chili mango. | ||
I actually had two pieces of chili mango. | ||
And so is this good for you? | ||
That's where it gets weird. | ||
It's a really good question. | ||
I don't know. | ||
I don't even know how I feel about it. | ||
So where did you get the idea to do it? | ||
Everybody's doing it. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
All the kids. | ||
All the crazy kids. | ||
So I did the Atkins thing. | ||
I did that back in 2001 or something when I needed to lose whatever. | ||
I did that. | ||
And that does work. | ||
It's very similar. | ||
It's very similar. | ||
In that you're eliminating carbs. | ||
You get your body to go into ketosis. | ||
You're getting your body to burn fat. | ||
The thing about the carnivore diet though is I actually check my piss. | ||
With a ketone strip. | ||
And it showed that I'm not in ketosis. | ||
So you pee on the strip. | ||
How could you not be in ketosis? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I think it's because I'm eating so much meat that when you have too much protein, there's something called glucogenesis, I think it's called, where your body breaks the protein down and turns it into glucose. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
And so that fucks with your ketone levels, and that keeps you from going into ketosis. | ||
But it doesn't affect your energy level. | ||
My energy levels have been amazing. | ||
Like, all day long, I'm flat. | ||
I sound like... | ||
People always ask me... | ||
Why do you always have that cough? | ||
It's this goddamn coffee. | ||
It's layered superfood coffee. | ||
It coats your throat. | ||
It's delicious. | ||
It is delicious. | ||
I love it. | ||
When you said, hey, do you like turmeric and you want it in your coffee? | ||
I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
In my head, I was thinking. | ||
These goddamn hippies. | ||
The kids today with the hair and the clothes? | ||
The new math? | ||
And the fucking turmeric in the coffee. | ||
Turmeric in the goddamn coffee. | ||
Come on. | ||
How good is it? | ||
It is amazing. | ||
It's amazing. | ||
But I drink too much of it. | ||
And I'm always a little phlegmy because it's in my throat. | ||
I'm not big on American coffee, but this is fantastic. | ||
American coffee? | ||
How much of it is grown in America? | ||
Is there any coffee grown in America? | ||
All I know is that when I go to Italy or if I go to Hawaii and I have coffee, it's always better. | ||
Oh, Kona has the best coffee on earth. | ||
My favorite coffee comes from Kona. | ||
Yeah. | ||
There's something about Hawaiian coffee. | ||
It's the volcanic soil. | ||
Is that what it is? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And that same thing in Italy. | ||
There's volcanic soil, which is why their tomatoes taste better and their coffee tastes better and everything tastes better. | ||
It's the volcanic soil. | ||
I'm pretty sure. | ||
I wonder what does to pussy. | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
Any questions? | ||
I'm going to say... | ||
I'm going to say it makes them juicier. | ||
Right? | ||
Just like a piece of fruit or tomato is juicier. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
Exactly. | ||
It's so funny you say that because out of nowhere I started talking about on stage last night how I hate the word vagina but I like pussy. | ||
The vagina word is a weird word, right? | ||
Because who's saying that other than the doctor? | ||
Right? | ||
No, you're never in the middle of sex and hear a woman go, stick it in my vagina. | ||
If she did, you'd go, wait, are you sure? | ||
What are you doing? | ||
Are you experimenting with me? | ||
Are you experimenting? | ||
I don't think a woman wants to hear that. | ||
I mean, maybe they have, like, cute little names for it, nicknames. | ||
Oh, I had a joke where I would say, I would go, I get it. | ||
We were experimenting the other night, my wife, and right in the middle of sex, I took it out and I stuck it in her vagina. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
Totally different. | ||
Fits like a glove. | ||
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER Why are shock jokes fun? | |
They're fun. | ||
They're fun. | ||
Shock jokes are fun. | ||
They're always fun for me. | ||
I don't like when people say they're cheap. | ||
No, they're not cheap. | ||
They're different. | ||
It's a different thing. | ||
There's really clever intellectual jokes and those are great too. | ||
But I love a good fucked up joke. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Especially because you think it's going to be something cleverer and that it's just a no. | ||
unidentified
|
Bam. | |
Smash. | ||
Right in the face. | ||
Right in the face. | ||
That's funny to me. | ||
It is funny. | ||
Yeah, I'm a fan of all kinds of jokes. | ||
I like all kinds of comedy. | ||
And there's a while where, like, dirty comedy was, like, looked down upon as if it was easier. | ||
Well, it was Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
So when Andrew Dice Clay happened, so a lot of people started to ape him, right? | ||
Because he was very popular. | ||
This is going back in the early 90s. | ||
I don't know if you were born yet. | ||
What? | ||
And so comedy clubs started expanding and they had more clubs than there were good comics. | ||
So then they started to give free tickets away. | ||
And so they started to book... | ||
They wanted more generic acts that appealed to people who weren't necessarily comedy fans. | ||
So this is my theory about what happened. | ||
And so then they would keep it clean because we don't want to offend anybody. | ||
It's like, that's not what people are... | ||
And that's why they all closed. | ||
You know what my opinion on that is? | ||
I think... | ||
Bad comedy sucks, but bad dirty comedy makes you angry. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's what it is. | ||
Well, you know what's funny is I've noticed this. | ||
If people watch a musician go up and play, like even an open mic or whatever, and he plays a song or two and you don't like him, you'll still applaud after he's done. | ||
But if a comic goes up and he's not funny, it's like, what the fuck does this guy think he's doing? | ||
People get angry! | ||
Yes, they get angry because you have to listen to the whole thing. | ||
You can't even talk during it. | ||
It's awful. | ||
I always notice that. | ||
You could suck as a musician, people will still apply. | ||
You suck as a comedian. | ||
That's not funny! | ||
If I go to see a musician, I at least appreciate the fact this person can play a musical instrument. | ||
Which I can't do. | ||
I have no musical talent at all. | ||
But I know how to talk. | ||
I can talk. | ||
Everybody can talk. | ||
And pretty much everybody has said at least one thing funny at one point in time. | ||
So you know what it's like to say something and then it gets a laugh. | ||
You know you can do it. | ||
What they've done is just do it more and really put a lot of time into it and craft and act. | ||
But when that act's terrible, You start thinking, I could fucking do that. | ||
Why am I listening to this, idiot? | ||
Well, it was bad comics that made me think I could do comedy. | ||
Oh, for sure. | ||
Open mic night, right? | ||
Oh, no. | ||
I was watching it on TV. Oh, interesting. | ||
So I remember when I was in college, we got comedy, like a cable in our dorm room, right? | ||
And so I remember I was watching this show... | ||
I forget. | ||
Maybe it was that one on A&E. It doesn't matter. | ||
Even with the improv? | ||
No, it was that Rosie O'Donnell one. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
Remember she hosted that one? | ||
And then Bobby Collins. | ||
I forgot about that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Fridays or something like that? | ||
I forget what it was called, but Stand Up Spotlight, maybe. | ||
Yeah, maybe. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Oh, that was on VH1. Yeah, that was VH1, I think. | ||
Oh, VH1 was Stand Up Spotlight. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So anyway, whatever. | ||
So I'm watching and I see this comic go up and he does like two jokes. | ||
I beat him to the punchline on both of them, right? | ||
I'm like... | ||
He said what I thought he was going to say. | ||
And then the third one wasn't even funny. | ||
He had inverted the punchline, which I didn't know that's what he did. | ||
But I go, he should have put that thing at the end. | ||
And then afterwards I go, wait a minute. | ||
That guy, I'm funnier than that guy and he's on TV. I think I could do this. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Right? | ||
Like, when I would go to clubs, I would go to Zaney's in Chicago, and those guys would just be hilarious. | ||
And I'm like, I could be funny for five minutes at a party, but I can't fucking do that. | ||
Right. | ||
But I didn't realize they were how it went. | ||
You do an act, and you work, and you do the whole thing. | ||
And so that's why I was like, I can't do that. | ||
Those guys are special funny. | ||
And then I saw guys on TV suck. | ||
I'm like, well, I could do that. | ||
I might not be able to go to Zaney's, but I could Well, there was a time during the 80s where there was so many spots and so few comics that some really mediocre comics got on television. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Really mundane nonsense bits. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yes. | ||
And they all had that kind of comedy timing. | ||
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. | ||
Well, you're from Chicago, too, which is a rough spot. | ||
Like, it's fucking cold there. | ||
People don't take any bullshit. | ||
It's a different kind of thing. | ||
You know, like, those are the kind of places that make great comics. | ||
Like, fucking cold. | ||
Like, Boston. | ||
Same shit. | ||
New York. | ||
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. | ||
You need a little misery and a little egg. | ||
Honk honk, fuck you! | ||
There has to be a need for comedy. | ||
Like I said, I was just in Hawaii, we did shows there. | ||
I'm like, man, these people are laid back. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
There's not a lot of great comics. | ||
There's a few good comics that come from Hawaii, but not a lot. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Not a lot. | ||
It's hard to be upset. | ||
They have a lot of local humor. | ||
Comics from Hawaii, I've seen some comics from Hawaii, and they talk about local stuff. | ||
Yeah, just like a cruise ship. | ||
Yeah, sort of. | ||
Yeah, like the guys who live there, they do their whole act as local. | ||
Yeah, and a lot of times they're like a morning DJ guy, too, or something like that. | ||
Think about it. | ||
That's a pretty great line. | ||
Pretty fucking great place to live. | ||
You're a comic and a DJ in Hawaii. | ||
Jeez, you beat it. | ||
You did it. | ||
You really did. | ||
First time I went to Hawaii, I was in Maui. | ||
I was working at some stand-up gig book through the Ice House. | ||
I get off stage and this guy comes up and we're talking. | ||
And I said, where are you from? | ||
He goes, I'm from Pittsburgh. | ||
I go, really? | ||
What did you do there? | ||
He goes, I was a plumber. | ||
I go, what do you do here now? | ||
I go, he goes, I'm a plumber. | ||
I go, how do you make it from a plumber in Pittsburgh to Maui? | ||
He goes, well, one day I woke up and I realized I could be a plumber in Hawaii or I could be a plumber in Pittsburgh. | ||
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER It makes all the sense of the world. | |
It makes all the sense of the world. | ||
Yeah. | ||
If I was a plumber, I'd move there. | ||
Yeah, I know a guy who teaches jiu-jitsu there who used to teach in... | ||
He actually gave me my first lesson ever in Los Angeles. | ||
And after a while, he was like, fuck this. | ||
What am I doing? | ||
And I could teach in Maui. | ||
And the thing about a place like Maui, there's enough people. | ||
You need everything. | ||
It's not like... | ||
Like Lanai, we were talking about earlier. | ||
That's a weird spot. | ||
Because there's only 3,000 people on the whole island. | ||
It's like a good theater show. | ||
A good theater show, and those people empty out, and that's the whole civilization. | ||
And then there's people that fly in because it's a resort area. | ||
I was in Kauai one time, too, and it's similar. | ||
After I got off stage, I was like, hey, where can I go to get something to eat? | ||
They're like, there's no place to go. | ||
You've got to go in the ocean and catch it. | ||
That's where Laird lives. | ||
Who does? | ||
Laird. | ||
Laird Hamilton. | ||
He lives in Kauai. | ||
I don't know Laird Hamilton. | ||
That's the fucking coffee you're drinking, bro. | ||
Oh, this guy. | ||
We talked about him for about a half hour earlier. | ||
I'm bad with names. | ||
Does that work? | ||
Is that a good enough excuse? | ||
I'm bad with names. | ||
Laird Hamilton is married to Gabriella Reese. | ||
Oh, that's okay. | ||
Giant Aquaman motherfucker. | ||
Great coffee. | ||
Yeah, he makes killer coffee. | ||
Who thought to put turmeric? | ||
Kauai is a spot that I need to get to. | ||
I've never been to that one. | ||
I've never been to that island. | ||
I've only been to Honolulu very briefly during a layover. | ||
Actually, the first time I was going to Lanai, we flew in Honolulu first, and then you have to take a puddle jumper to get to Lanai. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
But Lanai is like, there's nobody there, man. | ||
And you go on the beach, there's like fucking eight other families on the beach, and everybody's just like... | ||
Everybody's just chill. | ||
I never sleep better. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
I never... | ||
I mean, when I was... | ||
Relaxing. | ||
When I was in Hawaii, I would go to bed at midnight and wake up at 8 in the morning. | ||
I'd sleep straight through. | ||
You feel great. | ||
I'm like, this never happened. | ||
And you feel great. | ||
Ever. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I come back to L.A., I'm immediately getting headaches. | ||
Immediately. | ||
I'm like, God damn it. | ||
So I go get a drink, and I go to a Mai Tai. | ||
Believe it or not, Maui and Hawaii in general, I think they have some wonky weed laws. | ||
I don't think weed's legal there. | ||
No, no, it's not. | ||
Medical is, I think. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Medical. | ||
Life is my condition. | ||
unidentified
|
I know. | |
And what I need it for. | ||
Life! | ||
Yeah, but I have fans there, so they just give me some. | ||
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
Do you still ever take pot from fans? | ||
Are you afraid? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
Yes. | ||
Yeah, me too. | ||
Yes. | ||
Just, you're asking for it. | ||
You are, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh, I thought I'd give you a little extra taste. | ||
I'd put some acid on there for you. | ||
I don't need that, right? | ||
My good friend Ari Shaffir dosed Burt Kreischer when they were doing a podcast together. | ||
So that's real? | ||
That's real. | ||
I thought that was a joke. | ||
No! | ||
He gave him Molly. | ||
Dropped it in his drink. | ||
So, was there hard feelings over that? | ||
Oh, yeah! | ||
There was a real problem! | ||
I thought that was all a joke! | ||
unidentified
|
No! | |
There's no jokes with us. | ||
We don't do jokes. | ||
I mean, I just saw it on Twitter. | ||
Yeah, that's real. | ||
All that shit's real. | ||
No! | ||
Yeah. | ||
So they're not pals? | ||
Oh, they're back. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
The wife hates them still, though. | ||
Burt's wife is still very, very upset. | ||
I would have a hard time with that. | ||
It's a real issue. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Doing something like that, that's not right. | ||
He knows. | ||
He knows it's not right. | ||
What's really interesting is we were all joking around about it. | ||
This is the only business... | ||
Where you can dose your friend, we all joke around about it, laugh about it more, nothing happens. | ||
And he actually got a bump in his career. | ||
Like, he started selling out places faster, and when he was going places, Ari would be doing shows, and people would yell out, Dose me, Ari! | ||
Dose me! | ||
So now he's known for dosing people. | ||
And before that, Ari used to do something, I should say allegedly, because this thing, which may or may not have happened, is very illegal. | ||
But he would do, in places where weed was very illegal, he would play a game called Find the Edible. | ||
So he posted on Twitter, he'd give people hints, and he would leave some fucking nuclear edible to some North Dakota guy who's going to find it, who probably doesn't get any real weed. | ||
And he's going to get one of those stars of death. | ||
And he got in trouble, I think in Minnesota. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Allegedly. | ||
Because I don't think they ever found any of the things he was talking about. | ||
So maybe it was all just a prank. | ||
Let's go with that. | ||
Those edibles, man. | ||
My brother had something one time. | ||
He goes, Jimmy, be careful. | ||
It's called the creeper. | ||
unidentified
|
That's what they call it. | |
And I'm like, I have a high tolerance. | ||
Don't worry. | ||
So I ate one. | ||
I'm like, nothing. | ||
So I did it. | ||
I ate another one. | ||
Oh, no. | ||
And about 45 minutes later, we're at a campground talking to my parents, and all of a sudden, I can't remember how to breathe. | ||
unidentified
|
And I'm like, how do I... And I'm so scared. | |
And I just go, I have to go make a phone call. | ||
I'm at a campground. | ||
unidentified
|
I gotta make a phone call. | |
So I just go to my car, and I'm just laying down, and the next thing I know, I hear my wife behind me go, are you okay? | ||
I go, ah, I'm not good. | ||
unidentified
|
I'm not good. | |
We have to go. | ||
She goes, let's go say goodbye to your parents. | ||
I can't say goodbye. | ||
Let's just go. | ||
Oh, no. | ||
Oh, no. | ||
You just couldn't deal with saying goodbye. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
So, yeah, turns out there is some danger to that drug. | ||
Oh, well, there's danger with schizophrenia. | ||
There's a real danger with people having schizophrenic breaks when they take high doses of edibles. | ||
Really? | ||
And even smoking it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, like you were talking about, you get the withdrawals. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I don't get the withdrawals, but there's a small percentage of people that do. | ||
There's a small percentage. | ||
Yeah, so that must be like, so people are like, oh, aren't you going to quit? | ||
No, if I stop... | ||
unidentified
|
Just stay high. | |
Yeah. | ||
If I dropped drinking coffee when I went overseas, I would get headaches too, right? | ||
So there's a lot of things like that. | ||
Yeah, coffee is one thing that's addictive that we all just admit, and we just accept it, and we're addicted to it. | ||
Because it doesn't really change your state that much where you're freaking out. | ||
You never drink a cup of coffee. | ||
You're like, man, I can't get up. | ||
You're never on the ground tweaking. | ||
But I know a couple people who have had legitimate schizophrenic breaks. | ||
No kidding. | ||
You know a couple? | ||
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, legitimate ones. | ||
Legitimate ones. | ||
Where, like, something happened, and then they were never the same again. | ||
What is schizophrenia? | ||
Literally. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, I've heard about that with acid, but I never heard about that with... | ||
Well, it's not that much difference. | ||
When you take a high-level dose of... | ||
It can get psychedelic. | ||
...of edibles, yeah. | ||
Yeah, I've had that. | ||
It's a different thing. | ||
Where you feel like you're tripping a little and you're experiencing the... | ||
God save me from the comments, but people get mad at me when I talk about this, but there's a thing that happens when you... | ||
Because I've talked about it so many times, and I know I'm a repetitive fuck, but when you eat marijuana, your body produces something called 11-hydroxy-metabolite. | ||
It's four to five times more psychoactive than THC. So as it's processed by the liver, you get something that's not psychoactive in the smoked form. | ||
So when you smoke it, you get THC. But when you eat it, you get 11-hydroxy metabolite. | ||
It's much, much stronger. | ||
Much stronger than THC. And it's a totally different sensation. | ||
You know, people talk about the body high. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You feel it everywhere. | ||
You really tweak out, too. | ||
But small doses of that are wonderful. | ||
They have these, Jombo has these sprays. | ||
I don't have one with me here. | ||
I used to have one on the desk, but it's a THC spray. | ||
Just a couple of pumps. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, it's like a breath spray. | ||
A couple of pumps, and it's like, God, you feel great. | ||
You feel wonderful. | ||
Yeah, but if you take 12 pumps, I took 12 pumps once, and I did a podcast with Sam Harris. | ||
Mm-hmm. | ||
I took the pumps like 20 minutes before he got here, and then in the middle of the podcast, I'm like, holy shit, I don't know if I can... | ||
Thank God, Sam is like a super articulate guy, so I could just kind of throw a question his way, and while he's expanding and talking, I was pretending to listen, but really just trying to keep it together. | ||
Trying to keep it together and make sure that I try to sober myself up. | ||
I was trying to force myself into... | ||
A state of sobriety. | ||
I have a... | ||
It was about a thousand milligrams. | ||
Ouch. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I have a hard enough time paying attention to conversations when I'm not. | ||
Yeah. | ||
When I'm completely sober, I'll lose my train of thought. | ||
Me too. | ||
And I'm like, what are the... | ||
Especially if I'm bored, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Not even that. | ||
Even if I'm super interested, I'm interviewing someone, and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm not listening. | ||
I'm thinking about that thing. | ||
And then they stop talking, and I'm like, huh! | ||
Oh, you can't do that. | ||
That's the cardinal sin. | ||
That's one thing I don't think I do. | ||
At least I can't remember. | ||
I try to really lock in. | ||
Me too, but then my mind will just get... | ||
Oh, so I was interviewing Tulsi, and so we came to this important part of the conversation. | ||
It was about how she had switched or something about... | ||
she had. | ||
So I asked her about it and I know people are waiting. | ||
And there was a documentarian guy in there with her and his phone went off at that moment, I asked the question. | ||
But it didn't go off like a ring. | ||
It went off like a scene from a movie. | ||
So now I'm like, Who's talking? | ||
And then all of a sudden I'm like, what is it? | ||
And then after, I realize that this guy's fallen, it's a scene from a movie, but Tulsi's been talking this whole time. | ||
Oh no. | ||
unidentified
|
So then I come back and then she stops and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck she just said. | |
Well that's why you don't want someone else in the room while you're having conversations. | ||
No, no doubt. | ||
One time I was talking to a guy, and his girlfriend was sitting right there, and she just kept spinning in her chair and playing with her phone. | ||
Spinning in her chair and playing with her phone. | ||
And I'm trying to pay attention to him, but I'm just seeing this girl spinning in her chair and playing with her phone. | ||
And then afterwards I was like, no more. | ||
No more people in here. | ||
Because sometimes people try to come in here, and then you'll see them hold their camera up to take a picture while the podcast is over. | ||
I'm like, hey... | ||
You're fucking this thing up, man. | ||
This is a distraction. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, I don't do live ones. | ||
You do live ones. | ||
Live what? | ||
Live podcasts. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's a different thing, though, because you know you're going to be live. | ||
Yeah, this isn't? | ||
I mean live in front of a group of humans. | ||
Oh, you mean with an audience? | ||
Yeah, but this isn't live either. | ||
Oh, so that's not live. | ||
We stopped doing them live, too. | ||
It's not live. | ||
This isn't live? | ||
No. | ||
There's a reason for that. | ||
Oh, that's good. | ||
unidentified
|
Why? | |
Want to edit something out? | ||
No, because... | ||
Because often... | ||
The other day on my show, so like when we were in the green room, me, Graham and Ron Placom were going out and do a show. | ||
So we'll say things funny to each other that you can't say in public. | ||
Like South Park. | ||
Right, right. | ||
And so we were saying it and it's funny to us. | ||
And then I was on the show with Ron and we were talking about... | ||
I go, remember when... | ||
And I almost said it. | ||
And I was like, oh my god! | ||
Oh my god. | ||
So you know that, you know. | ||
Yeah, I do know. | ||
How come South Park gets away with that? | ||
They're the best. | ||
Because first of all, it's cartoons. | ||
They don't even look remotely human. | ||
And they've been around for so long, they're grandfathered in. | ||
They go fucking hard. | ||
They're so important. | ||
You see the one... | ||
With the Harley Davidson motorcycle riders, where they called them all... | ||
I don't even know if I can say it. | ||
They could say it. | ||
Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
They called them all the F word? | ||
The N's and the T? Yes. | ||
Yes. | ||
Yes. | ||
And many more things like that. | ||
Good. | ||
They still play it on TV. How come they can play it on TV? I can't say it. | ||
Well, do you remember a time, there was a time where they used to show those old Roadrunner cartoons. | ||
Yes. | ||
Where they were hyper-violent. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Where they were blowing things up and hitting each other in the head with frying pans and shooting each other in the face. | ||
And it was okay. | ||
Pushing them off a mountain. | ||
Because it was old. | ||
And so the new cartoons were all sanitized and nerfed up, but the old ones were still on. | ||
But you would watch the old ones go, oh, yeah, yeah, this is what it used to be like. | ||
Well, I watched some old Popeye the other day, and Bluto is basically a fucking rapist. | ||
Yes, thank you. | ||
A straight-up rapist just grabbing olive oil. | ||
unidentified
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Like, big fat face with his crazy beard. | |
And he's like, she's trying to fight him off, and Papa's like, hey, let go of me coil. | ||
And he has to punch her, or punch him, and he fights with Bluto. | ||
Bluto's a rapist. | ||
He dragged her away. | ||
That's what that was. | ||
It's a fucking... | ||
A hundred years ago, right? | ||
Basically a hundred years ago. | ||
Popeye was like 1930, so almost a hundred years ago. | ||
And humans were just living different back then. | ||
I think rape was probably really prevalent. | ||
So prevalent that you could joke around about it in a fucking cartoon. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So you don't go live now because... | ||
Well, a bunch of channels started creating their own channels with my clips. | ||
And so this is what can happen. | ||
So if you have a channel and then someone says, hey, I'm going to take all your clips. | ||
I'm going to take the interesting parts of your podcast. | ||
I'm going to make my own channel. | ||
And then they can get hundreds of thousands of subscribers with all of your content. | ||
Right. | ||
And then they can have whatever they want. | ||
So then they can use it as a white power fucking YouTube channel. | ||
They have 500,000 subscribers. | ||
They can use it as a men's rights channel. | ||
They can just switch it over and say it's not about Jimmy Dore anymore. | ||
Now it's about Bill Burr. | ||
They just use your content, which is not legal. | ||
And they were doing it while we were doing the show. | ||
So while we were doing the show, they were making clips and then uploading them as we were live. | ||
While you're still going. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So they're doing it in real time. | ||
Okay, I got it. | ||
So we realized that those can be taken down and then we started doing it ourselves and then we realized like the only way to really stop them from doing it in real time is to do it, like film it, have the podcast filmed, and then have the clips cut up and then release it. | ||
Okay. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
That's one. | ||
Okay. | ||
That's a big one. | ||
The other one was copyright. | ||
There's a real problem with copyright strikes. | ||
Like if you get three strikes, they fucking pull your channel. | ||
So did you ever get one? | ||
We've gotten them. | ||
We've gotten them before. | ||
For shit that we show... | ||
We've gotten them before for shit that we show in the corner of the screen. | ||
Like the corner of the screen. | ||
Like a photograph or a video or a little tiny thing in the corner of the screen. | ||
We had one where we got one from a fucking... | ||
A guy took a film from his... | ||
It was like a cell phone of a satellite being launched. | ||
And we were watching it. | ||
We got a copyright strike from that. | ||
Just watching something that was on the internet. | ||
You can't do it. | ||
You can't. | ||
People own these things. | ||
The big one is nature videos. | ||
Those fucking nature videos when you're seeing a pack of hyenas trying to take out a lion. | ||
If you play that, that's a copyright strike. | ||
They will get you for that. | ||
So, I had a copyright strike recently. | ||
A first one and only one we've ever had, right? | ||
That's a strike, not like, hey, we're going to demonetize. | ||
Totally different. | ||
I get that all the time. | ||
Yeah, that's all the time. | ||
But a strike is serious, because they can take your channel down if you get two more of them. | ||
And when they do that, they put a timestamp of what is the copywritten audio, right? | ||
And someone had put a copyright strike on. | ||
At the end of every one of my videos, it goes, do-do-do-do-do. | ||
And it's just from iTunes, right? | ||
It's a non-royalty thing. | ||
It's a chime. | ||
It's not even music. | ||
Right, so it's from GarageBand or something? | ||
Yes, it's from GarageBand. | ||
And so that's royalty-free. | ||
And so somebody put a copyright strike on that. | ||
And I'm like, that's just someone messing with me. | ||
That's just a hater. | ||
And some guy from Canada who's now living in Thailand. | ||
I had a guy track him down. | ||
And he's like, yeah, he has no obvious source of revenue. | ||
Oh, so he's trolling you. | ||
So he's saying, the guy who investigated said he thinks it's intelligence. | ||
And so the reason why he took that claim on that was to show that he could take down every one of my videos because that chimes in every one of my videos. | ||
So for a while, so until that copyright strike got cleared up, I don't have a liaison. | ||
It took a while, and so we took that chime out of all our videos. | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, so that's... | ||
Yeah, YouTube is weird, but they're dealing with managing an insane amount of content. | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
Insane amount. | ||
And they always err on the side of the copyright holder, and I get why they do that. | ||
They do it automatically. | ||
We've gotten copyright hits for a screenshot, you know, when you see the video and there's like two heads and there's a small photograph, a screenshot. | ||
The screenshot was a photo that someone had took and they were claiming copyright on that photo that was just on the internet. | ||
Just because we had it in our screen, we had to change the photo. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, dude, it's fucking... | ||
I know! | ||
And it's weird because some people... | ||
You have a podcast that's just audio, right? | ||
So yeah, I have an audio and video. | ||
And video. | ||
Some people don't. | ||
Some people only have the video. | ||
And then that video goes away. | ||
You count on that YouTube monetization. | ||
There's a lot of people that did that. | ||
They counted on that YouTube money. | ||
And then YouTube demonetizes things just... | ||
Randomly. | ||
Like, it doesn't make any sense. | ||
Like, I've had a bunch of podcasts with Tom Papa that were demonetized. | ||
Like, that is the fucking... | ||
Craziest thing! | ||
Yeah, he is the, like, the nicest, most... | ||
Right, he's not going to offend. | ||
Yeah, he's not offensive, he's hilarious, he's a sweetheart. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, Tom Papa, like, how many did they demonetize a Tom Papa? | ||
It was like two or three, right? | ||
To the point where Papa got, like, really paranoid, and he was thinking, do you think someone on YouTube doesn't like me? | ||
There's something going on. | ||
So he wanted to contact some people at YouTube, and he went down this journey. | ||
I remember he was hosting a pilot on, I don't know, like TBS or something, and I got called in to do like a run-through of it or whatever. | ||
And I remember I walked up to him and I go, hey, Tom, how do you get your own TV show? | ||
I really want to get one. | ||
And he goes, here's what you do. | ||
You have to overextend yourself. | ||
Buy a house you can't afford. | ||
So you get desperate. | ||
That's a good move. | ||
Good advice. | ||
Yeah, and you gotta make this happen. | ||
Could you imagine going back to regular TV now, though, with all the freedom that you have? | ||
No. | ||
I can't even imagine going to the radio. | ||
Right. | ||
I just got in trouble. | ||
I just got in trouble, right? | ||
So I have a show that's on KPFK, and they're all nice people. | ||
But you can't, because they're a non-profit, there's certain things you can't do. | ||
Like, you can't over-endorse. | ||
Like, I had a candidate on, and you're not supposed to endorse. | ||
And you can't go, hey, go to their website and donate. | ||
You can't say any of that stuff. | ||
So, yeah, it's just that. | ||
I'm like, oh my god. | ||
So how'd you get in trouble? | ||
unidentified
|
What'd you do? | |
So I did that. | ||
With who? | ||
So that guy, Cenk Uygur. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
He's running for that 25th. | ||
Dude, what the New York Times did to him was dirty. | ||
That was dirty. | ||
I shouldn't say the New York Times, I should say that writer. | ||
Whoever that writer is. | ||
It was the whole, but there was the LA Times, it was an unbelievable smear. | ||
But the New York Times one was the one where they tried to say that his conversation with David Duke, where he was like, oh, of course you're not racist! | ||
It was as clear as day that he was joking. | ||
As clear as day that he was being sarcastic. | ||
Talking to David fucking Duke. | ||
The grand wizard of the KKK. And he's like, oh, you're not racist. | ||
Of course you're not racist. | ||
And then they take that and they put it in quotes. | ||
He said to David Duke, of course you're not racist. | ||
That's right. | ||
So that's like Mr. Smith goes to Washington shit. | ||
unidentified
|
It's dirty. | |
But I couldn't believe that was the New York Times. | ||
That hurt. | ||
That one hurt. | ||
Because I was like, who the... | ||
You think it's funny? | ||
Yes! | ||
The New York Times is horrible! | ||
Oh, don't say that. | ||
They are horrible! | ||
That's all I've got left. | ||
No, no. | ||
unidentified
|
That's all I got left. | |
You've got me, Joe. | ||
I've got you. | ||
You've got me. | ||
You've got Kyle Kalinske. | ||
Oh, I do. | ||
I do have Kyle. | ||
I love Kyle. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I saw your interview with Kyle. | ||
I love Kyle. | ||
I heard the shit you said. | ||
We were talking yesterday. | ||
I heard the shit you said. | ||
I said good things about you. | ||
unidentified
|
Always. | |
I didn't get that far in. | ||
unidentified
|
Always. | |
I love you. | ||
I quit after you told him he was your favorite news show. | ||
Oh, you're my number two. | ||
Is that better? | ||
I'll take it. | ||
I think he's the most reasonable of all the political commentators. | ||
But you're a comedian and a political commentator. | ||
I think you have a dual purpose. | ||
So I have a special category. | ||
Well, you're funnier than him for sure. | ||
Oh, that's sweet. | ||
That's all I care about. | ||
He texted me yesterday. | ||
New York City was 68 degrees. | ||
Yes! | ||
He was like, what in the fuck is going on? | ||
Then he's like, I feel bad because I feel so happy. | ||
It's like seasonal depression. | ||
You know when it's sunny out, 68 degrees, like, yeah! | ||
Everything's great! | ||
Meanwhile, the world's on fire. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Whatever. | ||
It's warm. | ||
It is warm. | ||
No, he's great. | ||
That's the beautiful thing about having corrupt and dishonest media, is that it opens the door for honest media like you and independent guys like yourself, like Pacman, Kalinske. | ||
It's easy. | ||
There's quite a few. | ||
It's easy to outdo them, MSNBC or CNN. It really hurts hearing from a guy I respect, the New York Times is horrible. | ||
That's always been what I trusted. | ||
Me too! | ||
I know, it was tough. | ||
It was tough when I realized that mainstream news media is just the mouthpiece for the establishment when it really matters. | ||
They're for every war. | ||
They're for every war. | ||
They're repeaters. | ||
got Judith Miller to uncritically put whatever Dick Cheney told her on the front page. | ||
That's why they have aluminum tubes. | ||
Front page of the New York Times, and then Dick Cheney. | ||
So Dick Cheney tells Judith Miller they have aluminum tubes. | ||
She prints it on the front page of the New York Times. | ||
Dick Cheney then goes on Meet the Press and said, look, even the New York Times is reporting this. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
That's how they do it. | ||
And then Judith Miller, she gets an on-air job on Fox News after that. | ||
She got rewarded. | ||
There's that, and then there's probably also access to candidates, access to top officials. | ||
Access journalism. | ||
If you don't give them what they want, they don't give you access, and this is sort of the game that they've always played. | ||
Right. | ||
That's exactly right. | ||
That they have access, and I've experienced it. | ||
But why do you think they want to smear jink? | ||
Because they see him as an enemy of the Democratic Party, because he wants to get money out of politics. | ||
Right. | ||
So that's his big thing. | ||
He has Wolfpack, and his whole thing is, I don't take corporate money, and the Justice Democrats, they don't take corporate. | ||
So that's his whole thing. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
It's about getting money out of politics, and they want to keep money in politics. | ||
Because if you get money out of politics, their whole grift is over. | ||
Right. | ||
Right? | ||
Nancy Pelosi is not worth $100 million anymore. | ||
That's right. | ||
How does she get $100 million? | ||
How do you go from $0 to $100 million as you're in Congress? | ||
Well, you're a criminal. | ||
That's what Truman said. | ||
Yeah. | ||
The only kind of people who get rich while in government are criminals. | ||
That's what Truman said. | ||
But isn't it some, like, there's forms of insider trading that are legal if you're in Congress that wouldn't be legal if you were a regular citizen? | ||
I know that they don't have the rules that they should. | ||
I know that. | ||
There's rules that, I shouldn't say a regular citizen, but if you were working for a corporation, there's rules like they're allowed to get information and influence in terms of how they invest money. | ||
unidentified
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Oh, right. | |
That's not right. | ||
That's extra information that I could get. | ||
Exactly. | ||
It's extra, and then they're allowed to get that information, and then they're allowed to use it for their own personal profit. | ||
Somehow or another, that's not been stomped out. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And there was a video, and I don't know if it's accurate, where someone was explaining how Nancy Pelosi made all that money. | ||
And I was like, if I watch this fucking thing, I'm going to stay up all night. | ||
It was one of those, like, I can't watch any more of this. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, you have a hundred millionaire is the leader of the People's Party. | ||
Isn't that amazing? | ||
Not only that, like, what did you do? | ||
Did you sell hats? | ||
Like, where'd you make that money? | ||
What do you do? | ||
Do you make cars? | ||
Why do you think Nancy Pelosi impeached Trump but didn't impeach George Bush? | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
I'll tell you. | ||
Tell me. | ||
As Julian Assange revealed through WikiLeaks, it was because Nancy Pelosi was told in 2002 that our government was torturing people. | ||
And she was a person in a position of power. | ||
And the reason why the Republicans in the George Bush administration did that was so now they've got Democrats complicit in their crimes. | ||
And so she didn't tell anybody about it. | ||
She didn't launch an investigation. | ||
She didn't blow the whistle on this. | ||
So now she's complicit. | ||
So when George Bush, when the Republicans lose the House and she becomes leader and they go, you're going to impeach him, she goes, impeachment's off the table and nobody can figure it out. | ||
But nobody pushed her on it because we were just so glad we had a check on George Bush at that time. | ||
Well, Julian DeSantis then reveals there's the memo that shows that she was briefed in 2002 on their torture program, which makes her complicit in torture because she didn't do a goddamn thing about it. | ||
Did you see the interview that I did with Edward Snowden? | ||
Yeah, I saw the first half. | ||
It was very interesting. | ||
Nancy Pelosi came up. | ||
She was one of the people that made it so that these cell phone companies have access to your data and can spy on you. | ||
And use it. | ||
The government can use cell phones and all sorts of telecommunications, essentially. | ||
Video, your voicemail, emails, all that shit. | ||
All that shit can get spied through. | ||
And it was very complicated. | ||
I don't remember the exact... | ||
I don't remember the exact scam, but Pelosi was involved in that. | ||
There you go. | ||
I mean, they're all corrupt. | ||
That's kind of like the mission of my show, is to remind people how we got Trump. | ||
People want to pretend that corruption and lying started in January 2017. The Afghanistan Papers just came out, Joe, that revealed that three administrations in a row lied completely, 100% about Afghanistan from the day they took over to the day they left. | ||
Stuff like Donald Rumpfeld saying, we don't even know who the bad guys are. | ||
We have no idea who they are. | ||
Well, why are we there? | ||
Well, maybe because of the couple trillion dollars in rare earth minerals? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Do you really think that? | ||
Maybe it's... | ||
We would go to war for minerals? | ||
Come on. | ||
That's crazy. | ||
We would try to steal somebody's natural resources. | ||
Do we use upset at what a small story it was? | ||
I'm upset. | ||
That those papers came out and then no one really even talked about it. | ||
And barely got it. | ||
Nothing. | ||
Nothing. | ||
It justifies everything Tulsi Gabbard has been saying. | ||
These wars are a lie and bullshit and we got to get out of them. | ||
And that she's not the one lying about them. | ||
The one that's been lying about them has been our government, including Barack Obama. | ||
That's what the Afghanistan papers prove, that we've been lied to forever. | ||
Tell people what the papers say. | ||
So what happened was they did a study, just like the Pentagon Papers, right? | ||
They do their own study that reveals that they're lying. | ||
So they interviewed 400 people that were like in the generals and in the military and contractors and all these kind of people to find out, so they can know what would happen in Afghanistan. | ||
So they revealed all this. | ||
The people who they were interviewing revealed all this, that at the beginning of the war, they didn't know who the... | ||
They still don't know. | ||
Who's the bad guys? | ||
Who we're killing? | ||
They were lying about... | ||
They would lie that it's going well, and then their personal writings would be revealing that they didn't know what the hell they were doing. | ||
And so, it's worse than you think, but we can still just keep sending $4 billion a month there. | ||
Just keep sending it. | ||
Just keep sending it. | ||
For what? | ||
No one knows. | ||
We're not leaving. | ||
Trump didn't take us out. | ||
He's up for re-election in a couple more months. | ||
We're still in Afghanistan. | ||
He didn't do what he said he was going to do. | ||
Nobody does. | ||
That's the problem, and that's why we got Trump in the first place. | ||
Because Barack Obama comes in as an anti-war guy, immediately gets rolled by the military-industrial complex, just like Trump did. | ||
I did believe that Trump... | ||
His druthers would get the hell out of the Middle East, right? | ||
But he doesn't really have any druthers. | ||
He's like, okay, I'm done doing that because they've rolled me hard enough. | ||
Three years of Russiagate, I'm going to do what they want. | ||
Well, you saw the conversation that he had with one reporter. | ||
We talked about the military-industrial complex and about how they want to go to war. | ||
Yes. | ||
I mean, Trump, like, actively, while in office, and this is like an Eisenhower thing, like as he's leaving, while in office, is talking about the military, and it barely got mentioned. | ||
I know. | ||
And so I think that's why... | ||
He does their bidding, gives them their trillion dollar tax cuts, nobody asks how we're going to pay for it. | ||
He gives them, he tries to go into Venezuela, he tried to do what, you know, he's doing Iran, he didn't come out, we didn't get out of Syria, we're not out of Afghanistan, he's sending more people back to Iraq. | ||
It's amazing what's happened, the exact opposite of what he ran on is happening. | ||
So why do I think this happens? | ||
It's because just what Eisenhower said as he left, he says, the undue influence of the military-industrial complex. | ||
And Joe, imagine, they just invented $131 billion more worth of work for Raytheon and Boeing and Halliburton. | ||
How much money does the recording music business make a year? | ||
$80 billion? | ||
I mean, how much does it? | ||
We've just invented a whole other economy! | ||
Just since Trump got elected, $131 extra billion! | ||
I mean, just think what you could do with that. | ||
You could build 131 Yankee stadiums every year. | ||
Non-cynically, do you think that a lot of this impeachment stuff and a lot of the scandal stuff is really a distraction for a lot of these things they're pushing through? | ||
Yes, it's 100% distraction. | ||
Just like I told you, because if they really believe that he was doing all these things, why would they keep giving him extra money to go bomb people at his own business? | ||
They don't try to put handcuffs on him. | ||
So that's how you know they're full of shit. | ||
And the reason why they're coming at Trump in the way... | ||
There's ways to... | ||
So now they're starting to oppose him because of this Iran thing. | ||
So now you turn on CNN and Chris Cuomo goes, hey, why doesn't Congress do its job and take back the war powers that they gave to the president under this AUM? So now, which is what I predicted would happen when Trump... | ||
The silver lining of a Trump presidency was all the shit that the Democrats and Republicans have been agreeing on, which is war, fracking, opening the Arctic to drilling, all that stuff, gassing immigrants at the border. | ||
Now we're all going to become aware of it. | ||
Well, the Democrats spent three years doing frickin' Russiagate, so they didn't ever oppose him on that stuff, and they let him keep doing it. | ||
And so now people are starting to become aware of what's happening. | ||
And so now Chris Cuomo is going, hey, why don't we, why doesn't Congress do their job? | ||
Why are you letting crazy President Trump? | ||
Well, they just gave him 131, they gave him his spying powers. | ||
Again, through the Patriot Act. | ||
This guy who's working for Putin, you're gonna give him spying powers? | ||
You fuckin' bullshitter! | ||
They're all fucking bullshitters. | ||
It's a weird scam. | ||
Yeah, Joe, if you thought a guy was working for Putin, would you give him an extra $131 billion to go bomb anybody at his own pay? | ||
By the way, that's also intelligence. | ||
Is that a rhetorical question? | ||
Yes. | ||
So that's why people give me a hard time about supporting Tulsi. | ||
I think it's really important to have an anti-war voice that speaks from experience. | ||
She's actually in the military right now. | ||
She actually volunteered to go serve in their illegal wars, and then they smear her for it. | ||
It's kind of amazing. | ||
Well, she's a weird one, right? | ||
Because she has so many characteristics that you would think that everyone who's a progressive would want as a president. | ||
She is a veteran who twice served overseas, twice deployed. | ||
She's been a veteran for a long time. | ||
Long time Congresswoman. | ||
She's from Hawaii. | ||
She's, I mean, I guess she's Hawaiian. | ||
You would say she's a woman of color? | ||
They say she's a woman of color. | ||
What color? | ||
She's like a light beige? | ||
She's tanner than me. | ||
Is she? | ||
Well, she lives in Hawaii. | ||
That's why. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I don't know about these things. | ||
I'm white. | ||
I don't know. | ||
But it is, really. | ||
I mean, the Hawaiian roots are essentially Polynesian and South Pacific travelers who landed thousands of years ago on those islands. | ||
So, yeah. | ||
I mean, it is essentially a person of color. | ||
Either way, she's a very articulate, rock-solid woman, and they've tried to find a bunch of dirt on her, and they can't. | ||
And they don't know what to do. | ||
And it's just funny to me that a lot of people who are supporting Elizabeth Warren were shitting on Tulsi as hard as they can. | ||
And of course, Elizabeth Warren shows her true color. | ||
She does a right-wing sexist smear on Bernie Sanders is what's happening. | ||
That was weird. | ||
What a crazy thing to do. | ||
It was a fake smear. | ||
Nobody's buying that. | ||
So it was her, the media, and the DNC got together and they were like, hey, let's do this. | ||
Because it was coordinated. | ||
This didn't come out of nowhere. | ||
Right. | ||
And CNN, do you see that story? | ||
CNN wrote these two people who heard it from these other two people who we're not even going to name. | ||
unidentified
|
And that's on CNN. That's CNN! That's how they do it. | |
That's so crazy. | ||
It's so crazy, yes. | ||
They're digging their own grave, though. | ||
What they're doing is they're making themselves less and less relevant, and they're making guys like you and independent people more and more relevant and more and more trustworthy. | ||
And that's why they keep going to the catnip of Russiagate or Trump's tweets or impeachment and this phone call to the thing. | ||
And look how the media runs interference for the establishment. | ||
It's amazing to pretend that the Bidens aren't corrupt. | ||
I know. | ||
Hilarious. | ||
And to have people come out and go, that's a lie. | ||
That's no corruption. | ||
It's been looked into. | ||
There's no corruption that a guy has an $83,000 job on a board in a country his dad just helped overthrow? | ||
What are you, fucking crazy? | ||
That seems like it might be a little corrupt. | ||
Well, the conversation where he tells the prosecutor that if he's not gone, you don't get the billion dollars, what do you know? | ||
They fired the guy. | ||
Right. | ||
You saw that video. | ||
So yeah, I saw that video, but the defense to that is they're saying, but that prosecutor was corrupt, and the next guy was even more tougher of an investigator, but that guy was investigating Burismo at the time. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And that guy did say later, that guy who got fired, said, I got fired because I was investigating Burismo. | ||
He said that in a court document. | ||
So, believe me, why didn't they impeach Trump on the Emoluments Clause? | ||
Why didn't they do that? | ||
Why did they do it on this bullshit? | ||
So that's him benefiting off his position in government. | ||
It's because they all do it! | ||
Why do you think? | ||
Because it would bring up everything! | ||
It would have to, right? | ||
That's right. | ||
Hey, Hillary Clinton, I mean, Chelsea Clinton just got a $9 million job for... | ||
She deserves it. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
She did. | ||
She did. | ||
She's the best. | ||
So, and people are saying that. | ||
People are saying, what's wrong with a woman using her degree? | ||
She has three degrees. | ||
I wonder how she was able to afford those three degrees. | ||
I wonder. | ||
She overcame all those obstacles? | ||
Did she? | ||
She did. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Yeah. | ||
So, they're all corrupt. | ||
Then that's the story, and that's why we have Donald Trump. | ||
And they're clinging to this system. | ||
That's why we don't have a functioning medical system or a functioning banking system, because Barack Obama was paid off by the health insurance companies and the Wall Street banks. | ||
And that's not me saying that. | ||
That's Dylan Radigan, award-winning Bloomberg reporter, says that. | ||
How'd they pay him off? | ||
Well, he has a... | ||
I don't know if you noticed, he just bought a house at Martha's Vineyard from the guy who owns the Celtics. | ||
But he sells hats or something. | ||
He has 49 acres. | ||
He's got a lot of money. | ||
That's more acres than Kevin Hart. | ||
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
That's a lot of acres. | ||
That is a lot of acres. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's the guy who's a community organizer. | ||
I guess it was a gated community organizer. | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
But how do they pay him off? | ||
Fucking love comedy. | ||
How does that work where it's legal? | ||
How does the president get paid off? | ||
When he left the presidency, he goes windsurfing with Branson for a while, right? | ||
As we still don't have clean water in Flint. | ||
And then when he comes back in the public life, the first thing he does is he goes to make speeches for equity firms. | ||
He had a half a million to pop for a 20-minute speech. | ||
What do you think that is? | ||
What do you think all this is? | ||
It's a bribe. | ||
It's an after-the-fact problem. | ||
Yes! | ||
But it's amazing that they still honor that. | ||
They're so rock-solid in their commitment to this corrupt system that even after the guy can't even help him anymore, he's out of office, they hook him up with these speaking jobs. | ||
Right. | ||
He gets a half a million bucks a pop. | ||
Whatever he wants to do. | ||
Wasn't that a thing about the Clinton Foundation where Bill Clinton would make sure that he got speaking gigs along with... | ||
The weapons deals that she was giving? | ||
Yes. | ||
This is correct. | ||
Again, we didn't get Trump because the Democratic Party was doing their job. | ||
The people got desperate and decided to take a chance on a political novice game show host who they knew was a bullshitter. | ||
Everybody knows Trump's a bullshitter. | ||
They were like, good, go bullshit those people we hate. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And I've been imploring the Bernie campaign, which nobody listens to me, so it doesn't matter. | ||
Why don't they listen to you? | ||
I don't know, maybe because I communicate in a caustic way, Joe. | ||
But I've been trying to... | ||
Bernie should be wiping the floor with these candidates. | ||
It shouldn't even be close, right? | ||
And so I've been imploring them, Bernie, take the gloves off. | ||
Would you quit? | ||
I'm turning to Joe Biden and saying, my best friend Joe Biden. | ||
You've got to do what Trump did, what Trump was running. | ||
He ran against the Republican Party. | ||
He ran against all those pukes that the people are sick and tired of, that the people have been let down by. | ||
These are the people who took you to Iraq. | ||
These are the people who took you to Libya. | ||
These are the people who are bankrupting you. | ||
So that's what he did. | ||
And Bernie gets up and he goes, Joe, my good friend, I just wanted to let you know you're corrupt. | ||
It's like, quit saying you're friends with these fucking guys who are corrupt. | ||
He could land it. | ||
He should turn. | ||
And I've been begging. | ||
He came close in the last debate. | ||
Do it in his voice. | ||
What should he say? | ||
I'm not good at impressions. | ||
Mike McCray is the best. | ||
You got right there. | ||
That was a pretty good one. | ||
Joe? | ||
Biden? | ||
The reason why you can't understand how Medicare for All works is because you're corrupt. | ||
And you're paid not to understand. | ||
unidentified
|
And we're going to get rid of your brand of corruption when I'm president. | |
Because you're the problem. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
People would go crazy? | ||
The place would go fucking crazy. | ||
Then Elizabeth Warren would stand up for Joe Biden and call him a sexist piece of shit. | ||
That's right. | ||
And everybody would see what the game is. | ||
Wasn't he like always in support of Elizabeth Biden? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Elizabeth Biden. | ||
Elizabeth Biden. | ||
Elizabeth Warren. | ||
Wasn't he always in support of her? | ||
Joe Biden? | ||
Yeah. | ||
No, no, no, no. | ||
Bernie Sanders. | ||
Bernie was always in support of Warren. | ||
Yeah, so Elizabeth Warren was like, hey, Bernie's policies are pretty popular. | ||
I'll pretend like they're mine. | ||
Yeah, well, she was a Republican. | ||
People forget that. | ||
Up until she was 47 years old, right? | ||
People forget that. | ||
Yeah, while Bernie was running around telling people that a woman could be president, she was still a Republican. | ||
Yes. | ||
FYI. Yeah. | ||
So it's amazing that, you know, it's like, is anybody going to vote for Elizabeth Warren over Bernie? | ||
It's like vaping. | ||
That's what I say. | ||
It's like, just smoke the real thing. | ||
There's a real thing. | ||
Right? | ||
Well, there's a lot of people out there that still just want a woman president. | ||
That's right. | ||
And I understand that, but you can't let identity trump policy. | ||
You got to, you know, that's identity politics. | ||
Well, we're going to have a woman who's not as good as a guy, or we'll have a woman who could be... | ||
It's like, no, you're supposed to marry them together. | ||
You know, you can't just, just because of her identity, that's not good. | ||
Trump's going to torture her. | ||
If she makes it, if she becomes the nominee, that Pocahontas shit, she's never... | ||
She couldn't handle Meghan McCain the other day on The View. | ||
Did you see that? | ||
How Meghan McCain twisted into a pretzel to get her to say Soleimani was a terrorist? | ||
It was unbelievable the way she did. | ||
Did she really? | ||
Why don't you say he's a terrorist, though? | ||
Well, and then she does that... | ||
Do it, but puff your cheeks out. | ||
unidentified
|
No? | |
How do you get away with shit? | ||
What do you mean? | ||
What did I do? | ||
I don't know, I'm just saying. | ||
I said, puff your cheeks out? | ||
Is that a problem? | ||
Are we supposed to pretend she's not fat? | ||
Who? | ||
Who? | ||
Who are we talking about? | ||
Who are we talking about? | ||
Have you ever seen Tim Dillon do his version of Meghan McCain? | ||
No. | ||
Oh, I'm going to get you something beautiful right now. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
I'm going to show you something amazing. | ||
So there's this tape somebody put together of Meghan McCain saying, my father. | ||
Have you seen that one where she says it over and over and over? | ||
So I started, I was in Ventura, California. | ||
I was playing that clip, like as a joke, like we're all going to laugh. | ||
There was almost a fucking riot at my show. | ||
People made me stop playing it. | ||
They didn't want to see it. | ||
At first I thought they were like cheering because they cheer often at my show. | ||
And then I'm like, oh no, they're screaming. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, Ventura's a sketchy spot. | |
Ventura's like, why? | ||
You know, it's one of them torrents places. | ||
Like, what are you doing here? | ||
Watch this. | ||
Play it from the beginning and give me some volume. | ||
Okay, watch this. | ||
This is Tim Dillon. | ||
Before my father died, I had a baby with him. | ||
And it will be raised in captivity. | ||
unidentified
|
It'll be raised privately to be the greatest politician that has ever lived. | |
My name is Meghan McCain and I'm on a news show called The View. | ||
And Donald Trump, that fucking riverboat casino captain, is talking shit about my father again. | ||
My father was tortured for a hundred years for this fucking country. | ||
And he came back and he started seven wars because he's a gentleman. | ||
Fuck you, Trump. | ||
unidentified
|
I'm gonna wear my father's skin mask and I'm gonna primary Trump from the right. | |
Come on The View, bitch. | ||
If you're that tough, come on The View! | ||
You want it, Alessandro? | ||
unidentified
|
You want this? | |
You want this shit? | ||
unidentified
|
You want to fuck these tits, Trump? | |
You want to fuck these tits? | ||
unidentified
|
No, you don't. | |
You want to suck cock! | ||
unidentified
|
But I won't fuck you, because the only person I'll fuck is Danny! | |
I'll fuck his corpse! | ||
Fuck Danny's corpse. | ||
He's the best. | ||
That impression. | ||
I have a baby. | ||
Raised in captivity. | ||
Raised in captivity. | ||
He's an animal. | ||
Wow, who is that? | ||
Tim Dillon. | ||
Oh, that's funny. | ||
Where's he from? | ||
Hilarious comic. | ||
He's a New York guy. | ||
He's out here now. | ||
Oh, that's funny. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
He's hilarious. | ||
Don't you love being a comedian? | ||
Oh, I love it. | ||
I love guys like him. | ||
That, to me, there's not a fucking filter to be found. | ||
Not a filter to be found. | ||
He's just... | ||
unidentified
|
He's got a hair job. | |
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
And he's gay, too. | ||
No! | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
So he's got, like, a free pass to get wild. | ||
When you're gay, you can get away with more shit. | ||
I know. | ||
Don't you wish you were gay? | ||
You can say more things. | ||
I wish I was gay. | ||
You can say crazy shit about women. | ||
Lots of stuff. | ||
He went around as Jeffrey Epstein's temple. | ||
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
He dressed up like Jeffrey Epstein's temple. | ||
Which, by the way, that temple is fucking... | ||
How strange is that? | ||
That it's the same colors as the Israeli flag? | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
Oh, yeah? | ||
Yeah. | ||
It looks like the Israeli flag. | ||
Okay. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Who's that, Chuck Schumer, walking away from him? | ||
That's what I look like, Chuck Schumer. | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
That was funny. | ||
Thanks for playing that. | ||
Oh, he's hilarious. | ||
He does a lot of shit. | ||
He works. | ||
He puts in a lot of time. | ||
He does a lot of things. | ||
A lot of content. | ||
He puts out a lot of shit. | ||
And he's a really funny comic, too. | ||
I gotta do more comedy. | ||
What's been going on? | ||
You haven't been doing a lot? | ||
I go out, but it's like I don't drive as far as I should. | ||
Do you go to the store at all? | ||
You know what? | ||
I've never worked at the store. | ||
How dare you? | ||
I did actually send an email. | ||
I go, hey, I want to do my show down at the store in La Jolla. | ||
Yeah? | ||
Because I want to go to San Diego again. | ||
I love La Jolla. | ||
Do you? | ||
Oh, that club is one of the greatest clubs in the world. | ||
The store down there? | ||
That store down there is perfect. | ||
It's perfect. | ||
It's like a perfect comedy club. | ||
I sent an email. | ||
I didn't get it returned. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
Well, they're probably booked. | ||
They're so booked. | ||
Everything's booked. | ||
The store's never been more popular. | ||
Right now, it's sold out every night. | ||
Yeah, I know. | ||
I should start going there. | ||
I just gotta get out of my ass. | ||
I just gotta get off my... | ||
You know, I go to Flappers, which is in Burbank, so it's real close to my house. | ||
And I go up there a couple times a week, and it feels good. | ||
Then I go to the Comedy Magic Club on the weekend. | ||
That's a good club. | ||
That's a great club. | ||
And I go to the Improv randomly. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So that's pretty much my... | ||
How often are you getting up a week? | ||
unidentified
|
Just... | |
Maybe, you know, two or three times. | ||
That's not too bad. | ||
That's not too bad. | ||
It's not good. | ||
Yeah, I'm doing three sets tonight. | ||
See, that's what I'm talking about. | ||
Yeah, you gotta do a lot. | ||
Comedy's reps. | ||
It's all about reps. | ||
It's all about reps. | ||
It's like my friend Alan Havy goes to New York, and now he works at the Comedy Cellar. | ||
They have like three venues now, so he just has to make one call and he gets three sets a night. | ||
I'm like, oh... | ||
If I could just go out, and even after the travel far, it's like all real close. | ||
Yeah, there's nothing better than doing three sets a night, right? | ||
Well, stand-up is like, I feel like it's like running. | ||
Like, you want runner's endurance, you want to be in shape, you got to run. | ||
You have to run. | ||
In stand-up, you have to do stand-up. | ||
You do it, you get into it. | ||
You get the rhythm, you get the groove, you feel it. | ||
Once you start overthinking it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And that happens. | ||
You know, if you have too much of a break, for me anyway, I start to overthink it. | ||
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
I start to get nervous. | ||
Yeah, of course. | ||
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
Do you get nervous? | ||
Oh yeah, if you take time off. | ||
I was... | ||
You feel uncomfortable. | ||
That's the best way to describe it. | ||
It's not necessarily nervous because I know jokes. | ||
I know how to tell them. | ||
Right. | ||
But I don't feel comfortable. | ||
Right. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's a totally... | ||
Yes. | ||
I was in... | ||
So I was just in Portland this last weekend. | ||
Do you helium up there? | ||
No, I do the Alberta Rose Theater. | ||
And... | ||
we were inside right a whole new fucking show and I was really sweating it I didn't realize how how nervous I was you know like I and so when I got on stage like about 30 minutes in it was going good right I got my appetite all of a sudden I was hungry and so I got a calzone I had to eat it on stage yes what I was starving I had another two hours ago my show goes two and a half hours and So you ate while you were on stage? | ||
Yeah, so I just got a calzone. | ||
How did the people handle it? | ||
They all went and got calzones. | ||
They sold out. | ||
So you had a break? | ||
No, just as I'm doing the show. | ||
I had three people up on stage with me. | ||
Are you in the calzone business? | ||
Are you the Nancy Pelosi of calzones? | ||
Is that what's going on? | ||
You know, I have some interests. | ||
In calzones. | ||
I don't know how you can do that. | ||
I've often looked... | ||
I'll be on stage and I look down at the chicken wing and I'm like, I could eat that fucking thing right now. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
Yeah, so as soon as my nervousness goes away... | ||
You get hungry? | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's so weird. | ||
Yeah. | ||
While you're on stage, you get hungry. | ||
Yeah, because my nervousness goes away. | ||
I don't know how many times I can say this. | ||
No, I understand. | ||
So before that, because of the nervousness, you can't eat. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So you go on stage hungry? | ||
Yes. | ||
But you probably should be hungry. | ||
But I don't feel hungry when I go on stage. | ||
I just feel like a knot or whatever. | ||
And then the nervousness goes away. | ||
He's doing well. | ||
And then you're like, I gotta fucking eat something. | ||
You go on stage and you do two and a half hours? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Whoa. | ||
It's a lot of time. | ||
Well, it's not stand-up. | ||
I have video. | ||
That's right. | ||
You're doing your show. | ||
Video. | ||
Doing a video show. | ||
But we write jokes for the videos and everything. | ||
It's not just guys doing a podcast. | ||
Right. | ||
That makes a little more sense that you want to eat in the middle of it. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
A little more sense. | ||
Because if you're on stage doing your act... | ||
Oh, yeah, you can. | ||
If I'm doing my act... | ||
That's why I said I'm often doing my act. | ||
I'd look like I'd like to have a piece of that chicken. | ||
You can't do that. | ||
Like, I could play a video that's going to be a minute, and I've got... | ||
Oh, so that's what you do? | ||
And then you come back. | ||
Do you worry about shit flying out of your mouth while you're talking? | ||
I do not worry about that. | ||
You should, right? | ||
Because the people already like me. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
That's a good way of looking at it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know, it's such a freeing... | ||
I don't have to convince anybody. | ||
And that's the weird thing with my kind of comedy. | ||
I like to go up in front of people who don't know me to surprise them in a way. | ||
Like, watch. | ||
But I also have to get into it a little... | ||
Gentler. | ||
More gently? | ||
Yeah, more gently. | ||
Yeah, so I have to act like, hey, my brother said this. | ||
Or, hey, I'm too dumb. | ||
I don't get it. | ||
Why is the government against worker strikes but they're for military strikes? | ||
As opposed to the way you would do it in front of your crowd. | ||
Yeah. | ||
In front of my crowd, I'm much more amped up and angry or what have you. | ||
That makes sense. | ||
Yeah, it's a weird thing, right? | ||
There's a catch-22 to that. | ||
Because if you play to your people all the time... | ||
You can get soft because they'll laugh at stuff just because they like you. | ||
That's right. | ||
And then a regular audience will be like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
That's right. | ||
There's some people that I've seen where they do well, especially like some podcast folks, they have a crowd and then the people will come to see them when they do their shows and like, oh, they're just happy to see you and you do well. | ||
But then you go do a show, a rando show at the fucking improv where there's like five other people, especially that lab. | ||
That lab is hot death. | ||
At the improv? | ||
Yeah. | ||
That little tiny room? | ||
It can be. | ||
It's set up all fucked up. | ||
The door is right next to your stage. | ||
You're on stage and you hear the door and see people walking in. | ||
The bar is enormous. | ||
It's way too big. | ||
It's like if everyone in the room was a rabid alcoholic, maybe you could justify having a bar that big in a room that small. | ||
It doesn't make any sense. | ||
That's funny. | ||
You know, now that you mention it, I guess I noticed that stuff, but... | ||
They should light that room on fire. | ||
Really? | ||
They should take sage through that room and clear it of ghosts and then light it on fire. | ||
I enjoyed it because there's no waitresses, right? | ||
Not that I don't like waitresses, but if you want a drink, you go to the bar. | ||
And so nobody walks around in front of you, so there's no distractions. | ||
People just sit there. | ||
Oh, you're anti-waitress. | ||
You motherfucker. | ||
unidentified
|
You motherfucker. | |
You fucking asshole. | ||
I get it. | ||
Jimmy's got a problem with the women. | ||
He likes a male bartender. | ||
A rugged... | ||
You know, we just got done making fun of... | ||
Kyle Kalinske got in trouble for making fun of Elizabeth Warren's dancing. | ||
He didn't get in trouble. | ||
That Cory Booker guy went after him. | ||
That is nonsense, you virtual signaling dummy. | ||
That is so silly. | ||
He made fun of everything. | ||
He made fun of Cory Booker's jokes. | ||
Dad jokes. | ||
He made fun of the thing. | ||
But if he makes fun of Elizabeth Warren, all of a sudden it's sexist. | ||
Do you see his quote? | ||
Do you see what he said? | ||
It was so clunky. | ||
I'm sorry, are you an 18-year-old autistic college student who just gets to talk for the first time? | ||
Yeah. | ||
It was so clunky. | ||
How did you formulate this sentence? | ||
Did you really feel this? | ||
And who do you think is going to believe this? | ||
The people who are going to believe this, they already like you. | ||
Most of the people are going to see right through this thing. | ||
So it was just, to me, it's like... | ||
You know, it's a schizophrenic message from people like that, Elizabeth Warren's defenders. | ||
It's like, well, women can do anything except take a joke, I guess. | ||
Or dance. | ||
Watch her dance. | ||
Let's watch that video. | ||
Elizabeth Warren dancing, if you're not making fun of that, you're out of your fucking mind. | ||
If there's a thing to make fun of... | ||
Why do white people think this is dancing, by the way? | ||
You ever notice that? | ||
George Bush danced like this. | ||
That's my number one move. | ||
And then she does this, too. | ||
Doesn't Ellen do that, too? | ||
I think Ellen may do that. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Elon Musk did it, too. | ||
Did you see when Elon Musk was in China? | ||
He took his jacket off, threw it on the ground, was dancing. | ||
He was having a good time. | ||
I guess that's okay. | ||
Probably had a couple of pops? | ||
Yeah, he's not running for anything. | ||
Exactly. | ||
And everybody made fun of it. | ||
Nobody accused anybody of being sexist. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, dancing was hilarious. | ||
We'll play that first. | ||
We'll play that second. | ||
Let's play the Elizabeth Warren one first. | ||
Because the Elizabeth Warren one is so fucking ridiculous. | ||
You're watching her dance, and you're like... | ||
How dare you say I can't make fun of this? | ||
How dare you? | ||
How dare you? | ||
By the way, it's not like somebody put up a cell phone video of her dancing at a wedding. | ||
That's okay. | ||
She's on stage trying to get something from people and she thinks this will get it for her. | ||
Here we go. | ||
Here she goes. | ||
So here she goes. | ||
Here she's up there. | ||
I don't know if you can play that music. | ||
So she decided, yeah, we can't play that music. | ||
So it's... | ||
Look at her dancing. | ||
First of all, she looks like she needs... | ||
This isn't it? | ||
No, it's one with Julian Castro is in the background. | ||
This is a different one. | ||
This is her... | ||
Oh, there she goes, though. | ||
Oh, no, she's doing it there, too. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh, no. | ||
That would... | ||
Oh, no. | ||
She keeps doing this. | ||
She looks like her back is welded. | ||
It's all one piece. | ||
She's doing all this dancing moves. | ||
Everything is moving like this. | ||
Yes, you're right! | ||
She's a robot. | ||
She's barely real. | ||
It's about being white. | ||
That's weird because I thought she was Native American. | ||
Well, that's what I said. | ||
So, obviously, Bernie's lying about saying women can't win, or Elizabeth Warren is lying about him saying that. | ||
And I'm not going to accuse a Native American of lying. | ||
I'm just not going to go there. | ||
Good for you. | ||
She is one one-thousandth Native American. | ||
So, that's real. | ||
That's a real number. | ||
It might be 2,000. | ||
She's 70. Her moves shouldn't be very elastic, right? | ||
unidentified
|
That's a lot of 70-year-olds that are out there. | |
Good point. | ||
Good point. | ||
70. She actually looks pretty good for 70 because Bernie looks like shit, right? | ||
Bernie's head is in the middle of his chest. | ||
I've heard you say that, people. | ||
It's like, it's like falling off. | ||
unidentified
|
It is. | |
If I was his friend, I'd be like, bro, you got to work on your posture. | ||
We got to get you some spinal decompression, get you to some yoga classes. | ||
Your head's going to fall off. | ||
When you meet him, he's taller than you think, right? | ||
That's because his head's like here. | ||
Yeah, you meet him, you're like, oh, I thought... | ||
It's supposed to be up here. | ||
I thought for sure I was going to be taller than him when I met him. | ||
You ever have that happen? | ||
I thought, for sure I'm going to be tall. | ||
And he was way taller than me. | ||
Well, I'm 5'8". | ||
I always assume I'm shorter than everybody before I meet him. | ||
Okay. | ||
Pretty much. | ||
Unless they're like a tiny person. | ||
I thought Chris Hedges was going to be 6'5 when I met him, and he's the same height. | ||
He's a normal guy? | ||
Yeah, he's normal, not tall. | ||
Have you met Chris Cuomo? | ||
Fredo? | ||
Fredo? | ||
Did you call him Fredo? | ||
No, he'll wreck my shit if I do that. | ||
Yeah, he'll wreck your shit and throw you downstairs. | ||
That was so revealing. | ||
I was like, who are you? | ||
Are you 16? | ||
But you know that Fredo is the N-word. | ||
Oh, we've all said that. | ||
We've all said that. | ||
We've been saying that for years. | ||
You get fettuccine L-N-word. | ||
That is so fucking dumb to say that. | ||
unidentified
|
That's so stupid. | |
The idea that he thought that he could pass it off, and he knew they were filming him, right? | ||
Yes! | ||
Yes! | ||
How do you not know? | ||
Saying that to an Italian-American is like using the N-word. | ||
unidentified
|
Like, oh... | |
Is it really? | ||
Guess what? | ||
Here's the thing about being Italian. | ||
There's no word for us. | ||
There's no word for us. | ||
You can call me a guinea. | ||
You can call me a greaseball. | ||
It's like, okay. | ||
It doesn't work. | ||
There's no word. | ||
They don't work. | ||
They worked for my grandfather's day. | ||
I used to talk to my grandfather because he was an immigrant, and he came over from Italy, and he told me all the horrible shit kids in school would say to him, all the horrible shit people in the street. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
Guineas back then were... | ||
They were talked to trash immigrants. | ||
They wanted them to go home. | ||
They didn't want them there. | ||
And there was a lot of dispute between the Irish and the Italians. | ||
Italians were thought of the way a lot of racist people think of Mexicans. | ||
They're coming over here to take our jobs. | ||
They're infesting our neighborhood with their smells and their food. | ||
They want to talk their language. | ||
My grandparents always spoke Italian in the house. | ||
unidentified
|
Did they smell? | |
They smelled great. | ||
unidentified
|
Did they? | |
It depends on what you like. | ||
I love Italian food, so it smells great. | ||
But they always talked Italian. | ||
My grandmother and my grandfather always spoke Italian to each other. | ||
Yeah. | ||
They lived in an Italian neighborhood up until it changed. | ||
They lived in Newark, New Jersey, which was all Italian. | ||
So it seems like every wave of immigrants becomes the new horrible person. | ||
I grew up, because I was Irish, and they talk about how the no Irish need apply, all that stuff. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I mean, there's waves of this, right? | ||
And now the wave is, you know, Mexicans are the scapegoats. | ||
But, you know, there's that documentary they did a while back, A Day With No Mexicans. | ||
Uh-huh. | ||
But it's true. | ||
Everything would fucking shut down. | ||
Shut down. | ||
Especially Los Angeles. | ||
unidentified
|
No kidding. | |
But most of the country, most of the country, and this is the dirty secret about the United States of America is that we rely, a lot of, I shouldn't say we, a lot of industry, podcasts, it doesn't really rely on illegal immigrants, but a lot of industries rely on illegal immigrants, and it's a fucked up situation to be in for them because they really don't have a path to become legal, even if they've been proven for decade after decade that they're a viable, contributing part of our culture because they got over here illegally. | ||
Even if they came over here as a child, then we can't let you stay, you know? | ||
And that's another thing, you know, the immigration, they've been scapegoated since, as far as I can remember, Bill Clinton. | ||
So Bill Clinton, if you go back to the C-SPAN videos of him saying Mexicans coming here taking our jobs and all that stuff, he did all that stuff. | ||
And Hillary Clinton, she bragged that she voted for a border wall. | ||
A barrier. | ||
It was a fence in some places. | ||
She used to brag about it. | ||
And so then Trump comes along, turns it up another notch, and they're like, this guy's a fucking racist. | ||
So I make this point. | ||
He just says it in a way that's... | ||
Yeah, it's very offensive and it's wrong. | ||
Of course it is. | ||
But what I'm saying is he's building off of a bunch of shit that's offensive and wrong. | ||
Just like when they tweeted out those... | ||
So you find out... | ||
This is what I say. | ||
Oh, he banned all the Muslims at the airport. | ||
Then you find out why are they at the airport? | ||
Barack Obama's been bombing them for eight fucking years straight. | ||
He dropped 26,000 bombs. | ||
They ran out of bombs! | ||
Then you find out he's putting immigrants in cages. | ||
You find out Barack Obama built those cages. | ||
Then you find out that Trump is gassing immigrants at the border. | ||
And you find out Barack Obama also gassed immigrants at the border. | ||
And they should be honored they were gassed by the lesser of two evils. | ||
So there is the silver lining. | ||
And it's finally starting to come out because the Democrats have run this Russiagate. | ||
It's done. | ||
They did the Mueller report. | ||
It's over. | ||
He concluded there is no collusion. | ||
It's over. | ||
So now they moved on to impeachment, but now he's bombing, so they're finally starting to talk about the War Powers Act. | ||
But nobody's talking about cutting the Pentagon budget. | ||
Do you hear that? | ||
I don't hear that. | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
Do you think that the main thing about impeachment is supposedly that he tried to get Ukraine to investigate his political opponent, Joe Biden? | ||
Right. | ||
That's the main thing. | ||
That's what they say. | ||
You take that out, and there's basically nothing. | ||
Right. | ||
And people aren't really that upset that he tried... | ||
Half the country, for sure, aren't upset that he tried to investigate Joe Biden. | ||
But so many people are clinging to this as if this impeachment makes sense, because they think that he's not presidential. | ||
That's it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
As Aaron Maté says, who's the only guy I know who won an award for his Russiagate coverage... | ||
Because he debunked it, like a good reporter's supposed to do. | ||
He always makes the point that Trump is not a suitable steward of imperialism. | ||
And they think he puts an ugly face on the shit we've been... | ||
Trump puts an ugly face on the stuff we've been doing all along. | ||
And so now people are going to be more aware of it, and we would have been more aware of it if the Democrats would have actually opposed him on substance instead of Russiagate. | ||
He says things sometimes that you go, you are just allowed to write your own speech? | ||
Like when he was talking about Baghdadi, that he died like a dog. | ||
And you're like, what? | ||
You're allowed to say that he died like a dog? | ||
Or how about the, this is the weird thing, that he uses Twitter to threaten other countries. | ||
Like when he was talking about Iran, that if they respond, we will respond in perhaps a disproportionate manner. | ||
Like, you're using Twitter to threaten, like, Nobody ever thought that there was going to be this sort of a venue for a president to just have mouth diarrhea. | ||
I really believe that's a big reason why a lot of the establishment wants to get rid of him, because he makes them look bad. | ||
Because they agree with his policies. | ||
The Democrats just gave him everything he wanted. | ||
They paid for his fucking border wall. | ||
They gave him expanded spying powers. | ||
They gave him an extra $131 billion to go bomb people. | ||
They helped fast track his judges. | ||
They fucking also helped him deregulate Wall Street. | ||
What the fuck aren't they doing for him? | ||
And that's why we have Donald Trump. | ||
And that's why it's important that Bernie gets in. | ||
That's why it's important that he overcomes their cheating. | ||
You talk about schizophrenic. | ||
Bernie has a schizophrenic strategy. | ||
People are upset that I critique his strategy. | ||
I want Bernie to be stronger. | ||
I want him to win. | ||
He'll come out and give a speech where he says, I'm running against the Democrat as establishment. | ||
And people go crazy, right? | ||
Because we know that's the problem. | ||
And then he'll do a video where he endorses the DNC. Like, hey, give us money. | ||
He did a video with all the Democratic candidates talking about unity. | ||
And every campaign had to pay $170,000 to the DNC to be included in that video. | ||
Why? | ||
Because the DNC is bankrupt. | ||
Why? | ||
Because no one's donating to it. | ||
And so they have to extort money out of their own candidates saying, if you don't give us $170,000 each to do this unity video, we won't have any money to help you once you win the nomination. | ||
So they all ponied up and they're all in it. | ||
And Bernie's in a unity video where he's supposed to be speaking against the millionaires and billionaires. | ||
There's two billionaires in the fucking video. | ||
Tom Steyer and Bloomberg. | ||
We've got to come together with billionaires to oppose. | ||
No, they are the fucking problem. | ||
Bloomberg is a problem. | ||
He's the guy who instituted stop and frisk. | ||
He's the guy who says New York needs more billionaires. | ||
Those are the fucking guys who are the problem. | ||
And if Bernie would just stop playing footsie with them, in a sense, and just bash them, I think it wouldn't even be close. | ||
So he's got to, like Barack Obama, he's got to overwin. | ||
Because they're going to cheat him. | ||
So he has to overwin, you know? | ||
And I tell you what, if he picked Tulsi Gabbard as his vice president, he would crush Donald Trump. | ||
Because there are a lot of right-wingers, and there's a lot of independents, there's a lot of anti-war people who are upset with the Republican Party, a lot of independents, libertarians, and they like her because she's A in all the things that you like about her. | ||
She's strong, she doesn't fly off the hip, and she's proven herself as a patriot, all that stuff. | ||
What do you think they're doing? | ||
Who do you think they're leaning towards for the nominee? | ||
Do you think they want Warren? | ||
Oh, the establishment, yes. | ||
Yeah, they want Warren. | ||
Well, that's why the DNC, the media, and Elizabeth Warren's campaign coordinated on this latest sexist hit on Bernie Sanders. | ||
But it's not working. | ||
I don't think so. | ||
I think it's backfiring. | ||
It should backfire. | ||
It's amazing that the Pocahontas stuff that she's gotten as far as she has with lying about being Native American and using it to get a job. | ||
And the way she lies about it. | ||
I mean, she's such a bad – again, she's also a bad liar. | ||
Like when Meghan McCain can twist you with a pretzel, that's not good. | ||
She went on some podcast with these black guys, I think. | ||
I don't know if you've ever seen that video where she's being interviewed by three black guys. | ||
unidentified
|
In a podcast? | |
Yeah, they just tear her to shreds. | ||
Oh, is that Charlemagne? | ||
Is that on The Breakfast Club? | ||
I think maybe. | ||
I don't know. | ||
I'm on a touch. | ||
I don't know anything. | ||
Charlemagne's sharp as fuck. | ||
I think he went after her for the whole Native American thing. | ||
And she was just basically saying, well, it's a family story that we always told. | ||
He nailed her. | ||
It was easy. | ||
It was like you talking to Barry Weiss. | ||
It wasn't Barry Weiss. | ||
All you have to do is ask normal questions. | ||
Here it is. | ||
What does Toadie mean? | ||
Charlamagne Tha God calls Elizabeth Warren the original Rachel Dolezal. | ||
That's right. | ||
Yes, that's right. | ||
That's what he did say. | ||
Yes, yes, yes. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, that's a hilarious thing to say. | ||
The original Rachel Dolezal. | ||
Well, she used it to get a job. | ||
I mean, she really did. | ||
And she didn't give any of that money back. | ||
I mean, didn't she get a job at Harvard because of that? | ||
She claimed she did it. | ||
She claimed she did it. | ||
But it was on her application. | ||
She was Native American. | ||
There's a reason why. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And she's just saying it's because of our family. | ||
But she was saying she's Native American. | ||
That's the whole thing? | ||
You're 100% that? | ||
I don't know what she was saying. | ||
I know it's really come back to bite her in the ass. | ||
Not enough. | ||
Not enough. | ||
She's still bouncing around. | ||
That's a liar. | ||
She's a person that makes up a past. | ||
She's created a fake past and she did it back when there was no DNA test available. | ||
So you can get away with being Native American. | ||
It makes you look like you're, first of all, you're kind of cool, right? | ||
Everybody, like, you ever see that movie Vision Quest? | ||
No. | ||
Great movie. | ||
Matthew Modine. | ||
But his buddy's like a fake Indian. | ||
His buddy lied about being Native American. | ||
He had a mohawk and everything. | ||
He was playing up the Native American thing. | ||
Because people want to be Native American. | ||
It's a cool thing. | ||
They're thought to be more spiritual, more deep and interesting, and certainly more oppressed. | ||
So if she says she's Native American, oh, look at this Native American woman who made it all the way to be president. | ||
It's exotic. | ||
Meanwhile, she's like one two-thousandth Native American. | ||
Is that what it was? | ||
Some ridiculous, ridiculously small number. | ||
Right. | ||
And then when she got her DNA test, Trump said that if she was Native American that he would give her a million dollars or something like that. | ||
And she was like, well, time to pay up. | ||
Did you look at the numbers? | ||
Yes, she did. | ||
Yes, she did. | ||
Joe, I find everything you're saying right now sexist. | ||
I hope you know that. | ||
Fuck yeah. | ||
Everything you're saying is sexist. | ||
Must be, right? | ||
I'm talking about a woman. | ||
You talk about how you feel bad about the New York Times not being... | ||
Yes. | ||
Because I know that feeling. | ||
You wanted somebody to be... | ||
What did the other news people like at MSNBC? What did they think when they see Tucker Carlson kicking their ass doing war coverage? | ||
Isn't that fucking amazing? | ||
The Tucker Carlson thing was interesting, right? | ||
Isn't that amazing? | ||
He seems at least partially independent. | ||
Why is he allowed to tell the truth about war at Fox News? | ||
I don't fucking get that. | ||
They're not allowed to tell the truth about war at CNN or MSNBC. Well, Shepard Smith was allowed to tell the truth, too. | ||
Certain truths, but he was... | ||
After a while, he was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Again, there's lots of truths he didn't tell, also. | ||
So that's why I still don't know. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Did you see Bombshell? | ||
No, what is this? | ||
That's the movie with the Roger Ailes movie. | ||
Oh, I started watching that. | ||
Oh, man, that guy. | ||
Who's the actor from Australia? | ||
What's his name? | ||
unidentified
|
Oh... | |
Whoever the guy is. | ||
He's fantastic. | ||
Isn't that John Lithgow in Bombshell, though? | ||
I think you're thinking of the Dick Cheney movie. | ||
I'm thinking of a series. | ||
There's a series about Roger Ailes and Fox News. | ||
Oh. | ||
No, this is a movie. | ||
Oh, I didn't see it. | ||
This is a new Charlize Theron. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Yeah, where she plays Megyn Kelly. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
So she's playing someone less attractive. | ||
Here it is. | ||
NIWRC is a non-profit working to protect Native women from violence. | ||
More than half of Native women have experienced sexual violence and the majority of violent crimes against Native Americans are perpetrated by non-Natives. | ||
Send them your $1 million check, real Donald Trump. | ||
So she's saying that because she's Native American, she tested a trace amount. | ||
Really, it's probably like she blew a Native American guy in college. | ||
By the way, real Donald Trump, I remember saying on 7-5, you'd give me $1 million for charity if my choice of DNA showed Native American ancestry. | ||
I remember, and here's the verdict. | ||
Warren reveals tests confirming ancestry. | ||
unidentified
|
What? | |
Yeah, but it's such an insanely small amount. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
I am 1.6% African. | ||
I am 200 times more African than she is Native American. | ||
That's real. | ||
Yeah. | ||
L-O-L. So... | ||
Imagine. | ||
I mean, I thought that when she said she got fired from teaching and then the video came out and said she quit, I thought that would be the end. | ||
That should be the end, too. | ||
I got called a sexist for talking about that. | ||
Oh, you are sexist. | ||
I had a Clinton advisor come at me. | ||
A Bill Clinton advisor. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
That's hilarious. | ||
unidentified
|
Bill Clinton advisors should all shut the fuck up. | |
You are so lucky you're not in jail. | ||
I only flew 26 times with Jeffrey Epstein. | ||
It's not a lot of times. | ||
He was a good guy. | ||
He had a nice jet. | ||
We flew around. | ||
We saw the sky. | ||
We looked at things. | ||
We had a couple drinks. | ||
You do a good Clinton. | ||
It's alright. | ||
It's not that good. | ||
Jeffrey actually does a good Clint, but that's because he's got hours and hours and hours of tapes on me. | ||
Every time I try to do an impression, it sounds like a drunk Irish guy. | ||
No, your Bernie's pretty damn good. | ||
But Bill is so obvious. | ||
$27? | ||
Yeah, there it is. | ||
You know why $27? | ||
Because that's my social security number. | ||
27. That's good. | ||
Yeah, because he was the 27th person alive. | ||
It's an old joke, Joe. | ||
I get it. | ||
It was funnier in 2016. I get it. | ||
Okay. | ||
But any Bill Clinton advisor calling you a sexist, that is goddamned hilarious. | ||
That's rich. | ||
Did you write the cum off your dress before you called me a sexist? | ||
That fucking guy. | ||
When he dies, there will be stories. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, there's already stories. | ||
We just haven't heard them. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But I mean, it's just, it's amazing how much they can keep quiet. | ||
Well, it's amazing that the Epstein thing just comes and goes and nobody gets, nobody, nobody gets thrown, run out of office, nobody gets nothing. | ||
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
Nothing, fucking nothing! | ||
Well, how about the fact that they accidentally erased the first attempted suicide video? | ||
Whoops! | ||
We accidentally erased that, too. | ||
How about they erased all the torture videos? | ||
I mean, they did that, the CIA did that, they lied to Congress on camera. | ||
Hey, man. | ||
Joe, we're living in a... | ||
Shit happens. | ||
Things go bad. | ||
What does Jesse Ventura say? | ||
He says, when you're telling the truth is... | ||
Ah, if I can forget that quote. | ||
But when you're living in universal deceit, telling the truth is a treasonous act or something. | ||
I just said it earlier and I can't remember. | ||
Jesse Ventura. | ||
Yeah, he was going to run for president. | ||
Wasn't he? | ||
As an independent? | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
Yeah, I think he toyed with it. | ||
Is Bloomberg still running? | ||
Yes, he is. | ||
I don't hear anything about it. | ||
He's spending tons of money on ads and stuff, and so is Steyer. | ||
Steyer, they say, was like number two. | ||
He got himself up to number two in South Carolina or something because of all the money he's spending. | ||
And you talk to people who lived there, they go, I went home for Christmas, and every third commercial was a Tom Steyer commercial. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
So it's a local thing. | ||
So he's trying to get that market. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So he's like, okay, I might not win Iowa, but I can maybe put all my money into South Carolina. | ||
So do you think the establishment wants Elizabeth Warren because of the fact, look, she's willing to play ball. | ||
She wants to be president. | ||
She was a Republican forever, and then she switched over, became a Democrat. | ||
This thing about him, Bernie, being sexist is so obviously a political ploy. | ||
It's so transparent and really gross. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So now when they call Trump a sexist, it doesn't land. | ||
Right. | ||
Exactly. | ||
They cried wolf to me. | ||
That's exactly what... | ||
I mean, they teach this to six-year-olds. | ||
Don't cry wolf. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And here they are, an entire organization, the establishment, has been crying wolf. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
These motherfuckers. | ||
These motherfuckers. | ||
What do you keep looking at your shirt for? | ||
I spilled some of that turmeric coffee on it and washed it off during the show. | ||
Oh, did you? | ||
I didn't even notice. | ||
Yeah, I did. | ||
See how unobservant I am? | ||
It's alright. | ||
It's alright. | ||
So how many times do you go out a week? | ||
How many times I do shows? | ||
Yeah, stand up. | ||
It depends on the week, but always at least four. | ||
This week I'm only working Tuesday and Wednesday night because I've got to go and do the UFC this weekend in Vegas. | ||
Oh. | ||
And I didn't schedule a gig. | ||
But a regular weekend, boy, depending on if I'm on the road or here. | ||
If I'm here, I mean, on a regular week, I'll work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. | ||
I do that all the time. | ||
I'll do multiple sets a night. | ||
I'll do the store, I'll do the improv, sometimes I'll do the ice house. | ||
Okay. | ||
So, I'll change subjects real quick. | ||
Do you watch boxing? | ||
Yes. | ||
Did you watch Ruiz? | ||
Yes. | ||
unidentified
|
What? | |
He got fat and he was partying. | ||
Why did he do that? | ||
He had a good time. | ||
Fucked up. | ||
Got rid of his trainer. | ||
He did a lot of things wrong. | ||
At first they were saying he lost too much weight. | ||
Did you remember that? | ||
But that was just because there was a photo that he was doing like the Instagram angle. | ||
Oh, is that it? | ||
It's like him in the bathroom looking down. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
If you like have a camera and you pose it a certain way, you can make yourself look slim. | ||
Okay. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Nothing gets you more excited than a good boxing match. | ||
Well, that fight should have been a great fight, but Andy fucked up. | ||
He really fucked up. | ||
He had no plan. | ||
Afterwards, he was asking for a rematch. | ||
I'm pretty sure he trained himself, too, for that fight. | ||
Yeah, I think he did. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, he was... | ||
I know for a fact... | ||
Why would he do all that? | ||
He was partying. | ||
Because he became the heavyweight champion of the world in an incredible knockout, and I bet everybody was kissing his ass, and he bought a Rolls Royce. | ||
He came to the podcast. | ||
Oh, yeah? | ||
When he did the podcast, he came at a Rolls Royce. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
Yeah. | ||
Woo! | ||
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
Which doesn't necessarily mean you're going off the rails, but it's a really good indication. | ||
Yeah, I mean, if he showed up in a fucking Caprice Classic, I'd be like, this guy's dialed in. | ||
Yeah! | ||
He's focused. | ||
Yeah, he's gonna get this one. | ||
He's got an old cop car he's driving around in. | ||
No hubcaps. | ||
Shitty old bench seats and shit. | ||
Let's go get the championship. | ||
Yeah, he's Rocky Balboa. | ||
But he had his chance, and they're not going to give him another one. | ||
No? | ||
Because he can beat a lot of guys. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But I don't know if he can sell a lot of pay-per-views, especially after that second performance. | ||
The problem with the second performance is the second performance was so piss poor that you're going to need multiple big wins in fights before people take you seriously again. | ||
And he needs a real nutritionist. | ||
He really does. | ||
Even though he won being fat, there was a lot of factors in that fight. | ||
One big factor that I have heard from people who are very knowledgeable and in the know, insiders, was that Anthony Joshua was hurt in training. | ||
that he got rocked and maybe even got KO'd when he was training. | ||
And not too distant from the fight, like two weeks out. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Two weeks out from the fight got KO'd. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh, that's not good. | ||
When you're a heavyweight and you're slinging those fucking gigantic fists at each other, all those guys need to do is catch each other once. | ||
Just once. | ||
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
Apparently it just happens all the time. | ||
There was a Russian heavyweight boxer who was just criticized because he showed this video of a sparring session where he flatlines his trainer or his sparring partner with one punch. | ||
Happens. | ||
It happens all the time. | ||
For the knockouts you see in the ring, there's probably, you know, Dozens more you'll never see with top-flight guys that are just, you know, they're bringing in guys. | ||
Like, when Klitschko was the champion, he brought in guys like Anthony Joshua to spar with. | ||
He brought in guys like Deontay Wilder. | ||
He sparred with Deontay Wilder. | ||
I didn't know that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Wow. | ||
Yeah, these guys, they spar with killers. | ||
I mean, I love watching Deontay. | ||
It's exciting. | ||
Exactly like you said, at any moment it can happen. | ||
The fight can turn around. | ||
Deontay's a freak. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He's a freak. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Freak of nature. | ||
Oh, so in what way? | ||
There's no one I've ever seen who can knock everyone out. | ||
Oh, and that's him. | ||
He knocks everyone out. | ||
There's never been a guy. | ||
If you look at his record, it's insane. | ||
It's not just the fact that he's won so many fights. | ||
He only has one decision loss. | ||
He has one draw with Tyson Fury. | ||
And then the rest, he knocks people into orbit. | ||
Every other fight. | ||
unidentified
|
He has 40 knockouts and 40 wins. | |
And that Cuban guy he just laid out, that guy was tough. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
And he hit him on the forehead. | ||
Yes! | ||
And he hit him like this. | ||
It was like a short punch. | ||
He hit so hard, it doesn't even make sense. | ||
unidentified
|
Ortiz. | |
Yeah. | ||
Ortiz went down. | ||
Ortiz was tough. | ||
And he was down like, what in the fuck just happened? | ||
Yes! | ||
He hits people and they have a look on their face like they can't even believe how hard he hits them. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
That Dominic Brazil, that KO, like right after the Tyson Fury fight. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
Oh my god, he's a murderer. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He's the most murderous puncher I've ever seen in the heavyweight division. | ||
So I think him and Fury are going to fight again. | ||
Yes. | ||
Yeah. | ||
In February. | ||
unidentified
|
That's exciting. | |
Next month. | ||
That's exciting. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
There it is. | ||
Oh, fantastic. | ||
Tyson Fury's master beating seven times a day to prep for Wilder Rematch. | ||
unidentified
|
He brings his testosterone up, he said. | |
That brings his testosterone up? | ||
unidentified
|
That's what he said. | |
That's what he said? | ||
Wow, I think it's just... | ||
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
I think he's reading into that. | ||
Who was that fighter that used to drink his own urine? | ||
Lyoto Machida? | ||
It was a boxer. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Yeah, it was a boxer. | ||
A lot of people were doing that for a while. | ||
They thought urine therapy was supposed to... | ||
That is not true, right, Joe? | ||
I know you're not a doctor, but... | ||
I am definitely a doctor, and it is true. | ||
And I want you to do it now. | ||
I drank my piss before. | ||
I tried it. | ||
Oh, come on! | ||
Tyson Fury on ways he's preparing for a while. | ||
I'm masturbating seven times a day to keep up my testosterone pumping. | ||
Pump it, pump it, pump it, pump it. | ||
Don't you know? | ||
I gotta keep active and testosterone flowing for the fight. | ||
Don't want the levels to go down. | ||
So I always thought having sex was bad for you before I It's supposed to be. | ||
Yeah, your levels actually go up. | ||
Not that it's bad, but some people think it's a distraction. | ||
Like Mike Tyson's view was, he said that he felt that sex was distracting. | ||
So he would have sex just so that he didn't have to think about it. | ||
Because if he didn't have sex, then he was just thinking about sex all the time. | ||
But when Tyson was in his prime, you've got to also remember he's a really young guy. | ||
Like, he was in his early 20s. | ||
Testosterone was through the fucking roof. | ||
And the level of girls that were bombing on him. | ||
Yes. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
I mean, Robin Givens is beautiful. | ||
The most beautiful women in the world were trying to get some of that fucking gladiator dick. | ||
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
But I think for him, he really felt like sex was a distraction, and if he could just have sex, then he wouldn't think about it. | ||
I saw this play one time. | ||
It was written by Steve Martin, and it was a fictitious meeting between Picasso and Einstein in a bar in France. | ||
It was called Picasso et La Piagile. | ||
And in it, Picasso's painting, and he's talking, and he says, an artist must stay well fucked. | ||
Otherwise his eye goes from the page to the windowsill down to the street across over to the cafe where the girl's sitting with her skirt up and And it's like you got that's what that always stuck with me Yeah, if an artist doesn't say well fuck that I was gonna be doing is thinking about getting laid Yeah, | ||
men will understand that but men will rarely say that in the presence of women and so because of that women Either don't believe it or they dismiss it or they think you're a pig for expressing it. | ||
Right. | ||
All those things. | ||
But men alone, they'll go, oh yeah, that makes sense. | ||
Like if you say that, you got to stay well fucked. | ||
Like, oh yeah, of course. | ||
You have to. | ||
Otherwise you get fucking distracted. | ||
It is true. | ||
Women have no idea. | ||
I heard a thing on NPR one time, probably 15 years ago, and they were doing a story about this woman who decided to transition to be a man. | ||
unidentified
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Right. | |
And so she documented it and did like an audio thing and she talked about how when she was into it and started feeling her testosterone and she would become attracted to women and she goes, it didn't have to be a boob. | ||
It could be an elbow. | ||
It could be her ankle. | ||
It could be whatever. | ||
And she goes, I finally understood 13-year-old boys. | ||
Yeah, that's what it is. | ||
Pretty fucking distracting, isn't it? | ||
And then you've got to keep your shit together. | ||
Well, it's not just that. | ||
It's a biological imperative. | ||
It's a reason why people breed. | ||
It's like that's built into the DNA to make people attracted to females so they can spread their DNA. And that's what it is. | ||
It's that simple. | ||
To deny that is crazy. | ||
But you've got men denying it because they want women to like them, and then you've got women dismissing it because they think that the men who express it in an honest way are pigs and sexist and they exhibit toxic masculinity, which is... | ||
That's a hilarious expression because you need to thank toxic masculinity for all the bridges, all the jets, all the rockets, all this toxic masculinity. | ||
If you break down all the things that men have invented and all these toxic men have prevented you from being murdered in war and protected the country and all the different things that you could attribute to toxic masculinity, most of it's positive. | ||
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
Yeah, now I forgot what that is because I had this question as it's sitting in my head since you started talking about toxic masculinity and I fucking can't even get the word out. | ||
I can't even say it. | ||
I can't even fucking sovereignty. | ||
Toxic masculinity is a ridiculous thing to say. | ||
There's terrible men. | ||
There's terrible human beings that happen to be men. | ||
There's also terrible human beings that happen to be women. | ||
There's not toxic femininity. | ||
They just have any women who developed in a terrible way, most likely with bad parents, most likely abuse, physical and or sexual, and then they become a monster at the end of all this process. | ||
This is the same with men. | ||
Bad men are just bad human beings that happen to be men. | ||
And when you see terrible things happen, it's not because of toxic masculinity. | ||
It's because it's a bad person. | ||
I believe in the individual. | ||
There's individuals, and some of them are bad and some of them are good. | ||
But if you just want to generalize against all men, you're on an uphill road. | ||
There's too many... | ||
Obviously not me. | ||
I've never invented anything. | ||
But there's too many things that men have done that are positive. | ||
There's way too many. | ||
There's too many things. | ||
If you wanted to have a scoreboard... | ||
And you wanted to compete men versus women. | ||
What are you going to say when you look at all the different accomplishments that men have made? | ||
And obviously it's not me and it's not you. | ||
I'm not talking about us, that we're on a team. | ||
But I'm saying this concept that men are bad. | ||
And you hear this a lot today, especially white men. | ||
I don't want to hear from white men. | ||
Okay, well that's crazy. | ||
Because there's a lot of nice white men. | ||
This is dumb. | ||
Phil Donahue. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He's one of them. | ||
But just this idea that you can generalize about one entire group, whether it's by gender, or whether it's by race, or by anything. | ||
But you can do that with white men. | ||
You can't really do that with brown women. | ||
You can't say, here's a problem with black women. | ||
You know, all black women are this, that. | ||
People go, you're a racist piece of shit. | ||
But if you say, here's the problem with white men. | ||
Both are gross. | ||
Both statements, generalizations are disgusting, whether they're a gender-based generalization or a sex-based generalization, whatever it is. | ||
So they would say that that's okay to say that about white men because of the power dynamic. | ||
Yes, exactly. | ||
That white men have power, so if we say that, it doesn't... | ||
Right, it's not even racist. | ||
Right. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
That's what... | ||
It's a dumb argument. | ||
I'm not a professor, so I don't know if that's true or not. | ||
White men have more power, sure. | ||
But they also have more power than white men. | ||
It's a tiny percentage of white men who have the power that we're talking about. | ||
When you're talking about CEOs, when you're talking about judges, yes, yes, white men are in those positions of power. | ||
But they're also in those positions of power over most white men. | ||
It's a very small amount of people that have an extraordinary amount of influence. | ||
Yeah, they happen to be white men, but when you say, white men suck, look at this. | ||
No, that's the smallest percentage of people. | ||
Who are these billionaires? | ||
Who are these CEOs? | ||
Who are these judges? | ||
Who are these people that are in positions of power that happen to be white men? | ||
So, have you ever... | ||
Now, again, I don't know. | ||
I heard a guy refer to himself, like a regular guy, Refer to himself as a cis male. | ||
I'm going to do that from now on. | ||
Has anyone ever done that? | ||
It kind of blew me off. | ||
I didn't even know what it was when I first heard it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's nonsense. | ||
You're a male. | ||
If you're a trans woman and you want to be referred to only as a woman, fine. | ||
No problem with that. | ||
But I'm not going to call myself a cis male. | ||
That's some new made-up shit. | ||
It sounds like you're calling yourself a sissy. | ||
Sissy. | ||
When I first heard it, I thought that's what a guy was doing. | ||
When I first heard it, a guy said, I'm a cis male, blah, blah, blah. | ||
I'm like, you're a sissy? | ||
I didn't know what it meant. | ||
I read this tweet once by this person who was saying, basically, to shame people into using that, ram it down their throats, and eventually they'll accept it, and it'll become normal. | ||
Because if they want to refer to us as trans, we have to refer to them as cis, and we have to force them to refer to themselves as cis. | ||
Oh, that's where it came from? | ||
I didn't even know that's where it came from. | ||
It's to make a clear distinction. | ||
So instead of making it look like a trans woman is lesser, instead of that, you have cisgender and transgender. | ||
So because you're adding to that name, that prefix, because you're adding to both now, Now you've equalized the playing field. | ||
You level the playing field. | ||
But the problem with that is trans is extremely rare. | ||
It's the reason why you have that prefix in the first place, because it's really, really unusual to meet a trans woman, despite how the internet would have you feel. | ||
I was always... | ||
I'm sure it's a tough life to be a transgendered person, like incredibly tough. | ||
I was always a little jealous. | ||
unidentified
|
No, you're not. | |
Why don't you become a woman? | ||
I was always like, God, it looks like fun. | ||
Why don't you dress up like Meghan McCain and just start going on rants on your show? | ||
You'd be free. | ||
I could do that. | ||
You would have such a fucking free pass. | ||
I mean, look, Caitlyn Jenner killed a lady. | ||
Nobody even talks about her. | ||
Nobody even says anything. | ||
Nobody just slammed her into traffic, not paying attention, rear-ended her into oncoming traffic. | ||
She's dead now, and no one even brings it up. | ||
Everyone's like, she's so brave. | ||
Do you think she's intact? | ||
I heard she cut it off. | ||
Oh my God, is it gone? | ||
Yeah, I don't... | ||
But that was an accident, right? | ||
It wasn't like... | ||
It was a careless accident. | ||
But still, she rear-ended somebody and slammed her into oncoming traffic. | ||
And whether or not she was on her phone, I don't know. | ||
Do you ever worry you're going to say something wrong? | ||
I'm always worried, like, I'm ignorant of, like I said, I have big gaps in my knowledge of stuff. | ||
And so I remember I was, what was I talking about the other day? | ||
And I got it totally wrong. | ||
Like, I didn't know, like, somebody from, what, Jamaica. | ||
That's also an African-American. | ||
I didn't know that. | ||
Sure, because they came over from Africa to Jamaica. | ||
That's what I'm talking about, how dumb. | ||
I wouldn't say African-American. | ||
I guess once they came to America and they're American citizens, yeah, they're African-Americans. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So I didn't, again, this is... | ||
A lot of Jamaicans refer to themselves as Jamaicans, though. | ||
The thing about Jamaicans is, like, it's really unique how, like, unique cultures are known for, like, specific things that are very positive. | ||
Like, Jamaicans are known for incredible work ethic. | ||
Yeah? | ||
Jamaicans have multiple jobs. | ||
It's always a stand-up joke. | ||
unidentified
|
No kidding. | |
Yeah, yeah. | ||
In New York, there was always jokes about Jamaicans about, you know, that they would get mad at you if you had less than five jobs. | ||
Oh, no kidding! | ||
Yeah, Jamaicans are known for being, like, very hustle-oriented, hard workers. | ||
Well, see, that's a New York thing. | ||
I mean, the only thing I've ever heard about Jamaicans is the stereotype of pot and all that stuff. | ||
That, too. | ||
That, too. | ||
But they have a lot of jobs. | ||
Pot smokers having five jobs goes to show you it doesn't take away your ambition. | ||
They don't. | ||
That's nonsense. | ||
Look, I smoke a lot of pot. | ||
I'm pretty ambitious. | ||
I work a lot. | ||
I'll do a show where I'm criticizing someone or something, and then I'll smoke a joint afterwards to relax, and then I start second-guessing everything I said. | ||
Yeah, of course. | ||
Do you do that? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
Definitely. | ||
Okay, I feel better. | ||
We're talking shit. | ||
Yeah, I know. | ||
I mean, I'm thinking about my poorly worded rant of male versus women, and I'm thinking like, well, I probably should have said that better. | ||
But that's just part of how it works. | ||
What I was getting at from all of this, though, is that... | ||
We have to look at each other as individuals, and this identity politics bullshit that people play, whether it's male versus female, whether it's black versus white and Asian and this and that, they have to be humans, humans first. | ||
And one of the weirder things that's going on in Hollywood now is they're leaning so hard on diversity that it gets distracting. | ||
It's like it gets, like, I went to see, as an example, I went to see Frozen, the musical. | ||
Frozen is about a Nordic... | ||
There's Nordic people, one girl has magic. | ||
Did you ever see it? | ||
You don't have kids, do you? | ||
No, I don't. | ||
In the play, in the musical, the dad is black and the mom's Chinese. | ||
Which is like, okay, maybe she's Asian. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Maybe she's Korean. | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
It's hard to tell. | ||
I can't see that good. | ||
I'm 52. She's pretty far away. | ||
But she was obviously Asian. | ||
And then they have a kid. | ||
And then the young version of the kid is Asian. | ||
And then the old version of the kid later in the musical is white. | ||
I'm like, you're distracting the fuck out of me here. | ||
Yeah, that's distracting. | ||
You're distracting the fuck out of me. | ||
How does a black guy and an Asian lady make two blonde ladies? | ||
What's happening here? | ||
Or one has red hair. | ||
How'd that happen? | ||
How did the black guy and the Chinese lady make a blonde? | ||
I guess... | ||
Like, don't you go, continuity? | ||
But they're just... | ||
It's distracting. | ||
He was great in his role. | ||
She was great in her role. | ||
They were excellent. | ||
It worked. | ||
I accepted it, and I moved on. | ||
But I know what you're doing. | ||
If you had a white guy playing a black guy in a movie, I'd be like, what is happening here? | ||
Why is this white guy pretending to be a black guy? | ||
Are we going to address this? | ||
If there was a musical, and there was a guy, and we decided, we'll just have a white guy play the father of some black guy, and we're just not going to say why he had a kid that was black. | ||
We just assume that you'll figure it out. | ||
Or just, you know... | ||
Yeah, that breaks the fourth wall. | ||
It breaks your... | ||
Distracting! | ||
I'm suspending my disbelief, and then you're doing things to make me disbelieve. | ||
It's distracting. | ||
It's distracting. | ||
But I appreciate it. | ||
You understand what they're doing. | ||
I appreciate it, because I think ultimately what it is, is it's all... | ||
All of it is moving in the right direction It's just doing it in a very clunky way They're moving against discrimination They're moving against racism They're moving for cultural diversity Beautiful But it's just distracting. | ||
The way they're doing it is so odd. | ||
But it's like Hollywood is so gross. | ||
They lick their finger. | ||
They have no virtue. | ||
They lick their finger. | ||
They're like, which way the wind blowing? | ||
This way? | ||
We need Asians! | ||
And then they'll just fucking start hiring Asians for things and trying to get Asian people jobs and try to, look, look, look, look, we have Asians! | ||
We're really... | ||
And then if it becomes Jamaicans, Jamaicans! | ||
We need Jamaicans. | ||
Get them in here. | ||
Get them in here. | ||
They don't give a fuck. | ||
They're trying to make money. | ||
They're trying to make money, and one of the best ways to make money is to ride cultural trends. | ||
And so, our cultural trend right now is a good one. | ||
Even though there's a lot of people that are... | ||
They're basically... | ||
They're controversy pimps, right? | ||
So when these things come up, they use this controversy to gain money or notoriety or push their cause or to use it as the wind behind their sail so they can talk a lot of shit about other people and get a lot of attention. | ||
It gives them a bit of immunity. | ||
Yes, it gives them a lot of immunity. | ||
I've experienced it. | ||
Of course. | ||
Yeah. | ||
How have you experienced it? | ||
I've had people accuse me of being sexist. | ||
We already established that you were sexist. | ||
Well, of course I am. | ||
Because I treat women equally. | ||
Yes, that's the problem. | ||
You know I was sexist because I voted for Jill Stein. | ||
Well, anybody that says you're sexist for making fun of Elizabeth Warren dancing is a fucking buffoon, and that's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. | ||
Like, are you saying that you're a person running for the commander-in-chief of the greatest army the world has ever known, and you can't make fun of the way they dance because they have a vagina? | ||
Fuck you! | ||
I am woman, hear me roar, just don't make fun of my dancing. | ||
Or my roars. | ||
My roar is like, rawr! | ||
Again, it's like, I thought the answer to this was to treat everybody equally. | ||
Yes. | ||
That's how it should be. | ||
But identity politics, the real problem with it, of course, always, is that you cannot ever say, this is a man, so he must be that. | ||
This is a woman, so she must be that. | ||
This is a black person, so they must be this. | ||
Those generalizations are bad for everybody. | ||
People are nuanced. | ||
And if we don't believe in the individual, then we don't really believe in equality. | ||
We have to, everyone has to have their own way to make it through this life and express themselves in a unique way where they can contribute in a unique way and we can appreciate them for who they are. | ||
Not appreciate them as a woman or appreciate them as a man or as a white man or a black woman or what. | ||
That's nonsense. | ||
It's so dumb. | ||
You might happen to be a black man, or you might happen to be an Asian man, you might happen to be all those things, but you're a person. | ||
You're a fucking individual. | ||
And we should, especially when it comes to meritocracy things, like positions of power in government, like you get elected officials, or even comedians or anything else, you want to make sure that the person who's They're good. | ||
They're just good. | ||
Yes, so there's that. | ||
But then there's also this other little part of it. | ||
So even someone who, say, doesn't have the pedigree, like there's a white guy from Harvard, right? | ||
He has the straight A's, the greatest whatever. | ||
And then you might get an A-minus student who's a minority or a B-plus student, and that would be more effective to have in a position because they have a different world experience. | ||
So a meritocracy, in a sense, kind of leaves out some people who have different hurdles to get over and have different life experiences that this person won't have. | ||
You know, you see what I'm saying? | ||
Like, you become the people you're surrounded by. | ||
So you might be an African-American, but... | ||
So it's more important to have different economic represented, because you can be really smart, like Chelsea Clinton, but she doesn't know what it's like to have her medicine. | ||
She doesn't know what it's like to have to drop a pharmacy to get medicine for her daughter. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
She might be super smart, but she doesn't have this information that we need, which is like when FDR, when he was doing the banks and stuff, he got a banker from Texas. | ||
He didn't go to Wall Street. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
He got regular people to come in. | ||
So there's something to that too, right? | ||
So it's not just a straight meritocracy. | ||
Well, it is a meritocracy in that there's merit in their life experiences. | ||
These individuals that live these difficult lives. | ||
I think that's one of the greatest currencies that a person really carries with them in their life is their experience overcoming adversity. | ||
Their experience overcoming adversity Shapes their character. | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
And when you meet someone, maybe you meet this woman and she has all B's through college, but she's been through a lot of shit and she's uniquely clever in how she handles things. | ||
And you talk to her and you look at her record and you go, you know what? | ||
I like you better than this guy who got all A's because he seems kind of like spectrum-y and he's not going to fit in with my company. | ||
But yeah, that makes sense. | ||
But that, again... | ||
You don't just look at meritocracy, you don't just look at grades. | ||
You look at the human overall, the individual. | ||
And there's a lot of benefit to people that have overcome difficult lives. | ||
Those people come out interesting, those people come out important, because they've seen some shit that you haven't seen. | ||
Yes, that is what, and they understand things that you don't understand. | ||
And that's why a guy like Barack Obama could have a diverse cabinet, but they're all from the same class. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
That's fake diversity. | ||
That's fake diversity. | ||
Yes. | ||
He served the establishment power like any white president did, and his cabinet did the same thing. | ||
By the way, his cabinet came from an email from Citigroup, which I know you know. | ||
Yeah, fuck. | ||
You know, these things are complicated. | ||
That's part of the problem with any of these conversations. | ||
And also, they're so loaded. | ||
When you talk about men or women or black or white or anything, everybody's on edge. | ||
Like, don't say anything stupid. | ||
How do you feel really? | ||
Well, I'm white. | ||
So I don't have those experiences. | ||
So I always try to limit how I talk about it. | ||
Like I always say I shouldn't be talking about this because I don't have- But you should be talking about anything you want to talk about. | ||
This idea that you should be silenced because you're not in some protected group. | ||
That's nonsense. | ||
Well, I'm always afraid I'm going to say something ridiculous and ignorant, which I do often say. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, me too. | |
We're going to say ignorant, ridiculous shit. | ||
You have to have the ability to say ignorant, ridiculous shit if you're going to have a free-flowing conversation. | ||
Like, you and I, we didn't even talk on the phone before this. | ||
We had no idea what we were going to talk about. | ||
We didn't do a pre-interview. | ||
unidentified
|
Nothing! | |
We did nothing. | ||
We come in here, we start rattle. | ||
Can you imagine if we did a pre-interview? | ||
It would be hilarious. | ||
We just started talking about farts or... | ||
unidentified
|
Blowjobs, cigars. | |
Our pre-interview would be fucking ridiculous. | ||
What do you want to talk about, Jimmy? | ||
I don't know. | ||
It would most certainly be ridiculous. | ||
I would jack it off seven times a day to keep my testosterone up. | ||
Let's talk about that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Get it. | ||
Pre-interviews. | ||
They still do pre-interviews. | ||
By the way, do you ever watch any of those shows? | ||
Ever? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
No one does. | ||
Very few people are watching those shows. | ||
I mean, Conan O'Brien get less views than my show. | ||
No, I know. | ||
It's sad. | ||
That's why they're all doing podcasts now. | ||
I know. | ||
Because no one's watching that fucking show. | ||
There was a crazy article that Conan O'Brien is leading the wave. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
Do you see that? | ||
In new media! | ||
Yes! | ||
Like, what are you talking about? | ||
We've been doing this shit for 15 years, bitches! | ||
What the fuck? | ||
He doesn't even get good numbers on his podcast. | ||
No? | ||
No! | ||
Like, the actual downloads, I mean, he does alright, but he doesn't do as good as, like, Dax Shepard or me or any of the people that are at the top of the heap in comedy. | ||
Well, you know, you use your platform, Joe, to actually have real conversations and say things. | ||
Now, I haven't listened to Conan Bryan's podcast because, you know, I've got anything else to do, but... | ||
He's interviewing famous people. | ||
Yeah, it's fucking the same bullshit, and it's not... | ||
I mean, hey, Marc Maron's got that covered, right? | ||
He did that. | ||
He's been doing it for 10 fucking years. | ||
That's right. | ||
People opened up to their heart. | ||
So he has this thing, and then you do this other thing. | ||
It's fucking covered. | ||
You aren't breaking any new... | ||
That was crazy. | ||
That was a New York Times headline, wasn't it, Joe? | ||
I think it was Variety. | ||
Or was it Variety? | ||
I think it was Variety. | ||
And everybody in Hollywood was like, what in the fuck are you talking about? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Well, it was funny too, yeah. | ||
I got tagged on it so many times, I'm like, I'm not even going to comment. | ||
Because I can't. | ||
It's Conan O'Brien, he's revolutionized. | ||
Yeah, he's changing the game. | ||
He's changing the game! | ||
Because he had a photo shoot. | ||
Yeah, he's a white male. | ||
He's a problem. | ||
He is a cis male. | ||
He's another one of those white men at the top of podcasting. | ||
It's bullshit. | ||
Yeah, I don't know if he's at the top of podcasting, Joe. | ||
I wouldn't say that. | ||
All of it. | ||
It's just gross. | ||
Did you ever do his show? | ||
Yeah, I did his show before. | ||
A couple times. | ||
They all seem like nice people. | ||
He's a nice guy. | ||
They all seem like very nice people. | ||
I feel bad when I go after them on Twitter. | ||
I go after Andy Richter all the time. | ||
Of course you do. | ||
I go after Andy Richter all the time. | ||
Why do you go after Andy Richter? | ||
I can tell he's a nice guy. | ||
Why do you go after him? | ||
Well, because he's famous, right? | ||
And he's a white male. | ||
And he's a white male. | ||
He's a real problem. | ||
So it's very safe for me to go after him. | ||
But there's this Hollywood mentality on the left, right? | ||
And this Hollywood mentality on the left is that all bad things started in January 2017. They have no idea how he got there. | ||
So he's tweeting out this stuff about how Trump has the cognition of an 8-year-old, right? | ||
Because he wants to do war crimes. | ||
Can you believe this guy? | ||
I'm like, dude, they've been fucking doing war crimes since I was born. | ||
Why are you acting like this just started? | ||
We don't ever prosecute them, and they're not going to prosecute him for war crimes. | ||
Why are you fucking doing that? | ||
You know what war criminals do? | ||
They go and dance with Ellen on daytime television. | ||
That's the cognition of Hollywood. | ||
Michelle Obama says George Bush and her have the exact same values. | ||
A war criminal. | ||
She has the exact same. | ||
That's the cognition of a fucking first lady. | ||
We're going to talk about cognition, how we fucking got here, and you're smarter than that, Andy Richter, and that's why I hold his feet to the fire. | ||
I know he's a nice guy. | ||
But he gets locked into that team mentality. | ||
It's all team. | ||
It's all fucking vote blue no matter who. | ||
It's all forget how we got here. | ||
Let's forget that Barack Obama was unbelievably corrupt, which is why we don't have a functioning banking system, which is why we don't have a functioning healthcare system, which is why he took us from two wars to seven, which is why he had a peace prize and a fucking kill list. | ||
Where's my kill list? | ||
Oh, maybe it's underneath my peace prize. | ||
I use it as a paperweight, kind of ironically. | ||
Anyway, these are the things that I try to focus on, Joe. | ||
By the way, I was right about all of them. | ||
Yes. | ||
And I was right about fucking Russiagate. | ||
You were. | ||
But the beautiful thing about you- Did I come out here and do a victory lap yet? | ||
You should. | ||
You should spit around in your chair. | ||
The thing about you, though, is you are a left-wing guy that's willing to criticize the left. | ||
And for some people, that seems to be a taboo thing. | ||
They don't want to talk about the left. | ||
Oh, you can't. | ||
First of all, I found out that people who want to make it in the Democratic Party are not allowed to come to my shows. | ||
No. | ||
So I was doing a show and this woman who I know who was involved in Democratic politics, I kind of want to say anything about who they are, because they'll get in trouble. | ||
And so she came to my show. | ||
And she goes, you know, this other person who's climbing in the Democratic Party was supposed to come with me. | ||
And at the last minute, she didn't. | ||
And I called her and I said, why don't you come? | ||
And she goes, you know, if I get seen at a Jimmy Dore show, my career in the Democratic Party is over. | ||
Oh, it's Kamala Harris. | ||
I can tell by your accent. | ||
You racist piece of shit. | ||
I can tell. | ||
Couldn't you tell, Jamie? | ||
I can tell. | ||
And I'm like, that's... | ||
Has she ever been on your show? | ||
Kamala Harris? | ||
Yes. | ||
No. | ||
Oh, it must be her. | ||
unidentified
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Oh, we did some quick, easy FBI work right there. | |
So anyway, that made me feel good. | ||
That makes me feel good. | ||
I want to be an outsider. | ||
I want people to be afraid of me. | ||
They're afraid of you now. | ||
Well, I don't know if they are, but they won't come on my show. | ||
So that's good. | ||
And by the way, my show was never about guests. | ||
My show was all about my opinion and calling out bullshit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You're doing the right thing. | ||
I'm doing the wrong thing because they all keep asking to be on my show. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
I've had requests from all of them. | ||
Really? | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Biden, Warren. | ||
How do you resist that shit? | ||
unidentified
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Mayor Pete. | |
Because I have my friends. | ||
I'd rather talk to my friends. | ||
Yeah, I know. | ||
I get a boner. | ||
I like Tulsi and I like Bernie. | ||
That's it. | ||
Oh, yeah? | ||
Everybody else can eat shit. | ||
Look at you, fucking progressive. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, I've always been. | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
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What? | |
Yeah. | ||
Everyone says you're a right-winger. | ||
They're out of their fucking mind. | ||
I've never voted right-wing in my life. | ||
Really? | ||
Never. | ||
Never. | ||
I voted Democrat except for Independent. | ||
I voted for Gary Johnson because he did my podcast. | ||
People don't realize how powerful. | ||
Yeah, I'm not right-wing at all. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
That's wild. | ||
No, there's nothing about me that's right-wing. | ||
When you kill your own food. | ||
That's it. | ||
Well, that's crazy. | ||
95-plus percent of the population of the planet eats meat. | ||
I just happen to kill my own. | ||
Yeah, that's it. | ||
It's not like 95% of the population is right-wing because they kill their own food. | ||
I think there's a lot of right-wing family values and things like that that I admire. | ||
But when it gets to homophobia, when it gets to women's rights, that's where I break. | ||
I'm 100% in favor of women's rights, 100% in favor of gay rights, gay marriage. | ||
I'm a big proponent of... | ||
There's got to be some new action taken to clean up a lot of these crime-ridden communities. | ||
And the idea that we can spend all this money overseas, but we can't spend money on Flint, Michigan, or Detroit, or the South Side of Chicago, that to me is insane. | ||
That doesn't make any sense. | ||
And this idea that we're all on the same starting page is so fucking stupid, too. | ||
That is a very non-right-wing way of looking at it, because everybody's like, you've got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. | ||
There's a lot of people that came out of bad neighborhoods, but they didn't fucking cry, woe is me. | ||
They just went out there and they kicked ass. | ||
That's nonsense. | ||
You have no idea what it's like to grow up in a crime-ridden... | ||
Poverty-infested, drug-addled neighborhood. | ||
You don't know what that's like, and we should make it so that no one knows what that's like. | ||
If we want America better, the best way to start is to clean up all the spots that suck and make people that are coming out of there have a real chance at making something out of their life. | ||
Don't have it so that they're starting out from the time they're a child with a massive deficit. | ||
That, to me... | ||
And what you mean by cleaning up the... | ||
I mean community programs, putting money... | ||
Jobs. | ||
Jobs. | ||
Not just jobs, but community programs where kids have a safe place to go. | ||
That's a big part of it. | ||
Protect them from the gangs. | ||
Put more cops in those neighborhoods and have them there all the time. | ||
Make them a part of the community. | ||
They've got to do something about the violence and do something about the gangs in this repetitive cycle of people growing up in these neighborhoods and getting trapped in these same horrible conditions that their parents did or their grandparents did. | ||
And it's an endless cycle. | ||
And we pretend like we don't have the resources to fix these. | ||
FDR did. | ||
You want a job? | ||
I'll give you a job. | ||
That means you're going to go work. | ||
I'm not giving you anything. | ||
You're earning it. | ||
And guess what? | ||
We have the money for it. | ||
Wouldn't that be amazing if they did that? | ||
There could be strategies that are implemented that might not all work. | ||
But I don't feel like anything's doing it. | ||
We're going to have enterprise zones. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Obviously, and then they want the school to fix all the problems of the community. | ||
No, what you need is jobs. | ||
What people need is something to look forward to. | ||
They need to know that if they play by the rules, they will get things. | ||
You can have a job right now, those people working, and they don't have any healthcare. | ||
unidentified
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Right. | |
And they get broken, their life goes upside down. | ||
Exactly. | ||
I mean, you know how. | ||
I have a job, but I got sick, my life got turned upside down because of bills. | ||
unidentified
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Yes. | |
And this is not just black communities either. | ||
We're talking about the coal mining communities in West Virginia. | ||
West Virginia, exactly. | ||
It's horrific, man. | ||
I have a good friend who's from there. | ||
He's like, man, you don't know what poverty is like. | ||
You don't even know what poverty is like until you see that. | ||
These people have nothing. | ||
I talked to a guy on my show. | ||
His name is Nick Smith from Virginia. | ||
And he told me he was a Waffle House cook. | ||
And he told me, and I might have even told you this before, he said, hey, we all knew that Donald Trump was a loudmouthed Yankee who should have had his ass kicked a long time ago. | ||
But Hillary Clinton wasn't offering us anything. | ||
So he was at least offering us something. | ||
So they're desperate. | ||
These people need something. | ||
She wouldn't even sign on to a $15 minimum wage when she was running. | ||
What the fuck's wrong with you? | ||
Well, she didn't even believe in gay marriage until 2013. How about that? | ||
2013 is when she came around with gay marriage. | ||
You were ahead of her on that, weren't you, Joe? | ||
Well, I actually lived in San Francisco around gay people when I was real little. | ||
I was like 7 to 11. My family lived right off of Lombard Street. | ||
No kidding! | ||
Yeah, we lived in San Francisco in the height of the... | ||
I mean, it was the Vietnam War. | ||
There was all these hippies. | ||
My stepdad was a hippie. | ||
Oh, no kidding. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So it's like, I mean, I've been liberal my whole life. | ||
I just look like a Republican. | ||
You know? | ||
Yeah, I think that's it. | ||
And you like beating the shit out of people. | ||
Well, I like some violent things, and I have guns, and you know, there's a lot of things that you could make an inference, like, oh, that guy seems like you would be. | ||
But no, I... My friend Graham Elwood is, do you know him? | ||
Sure. | ||
He was on his livestream the other day, and he's very anti-war like me, and so these people were fucking with him to be pro-war. | ||
And he's like, that's right, I'll knock you out! | ||
That's right, you ever been knocked out by a vegetarian? | ||
unidentified
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Like, that should be a t-shirt. | |
That's hilarious. | ||
Well, that's another group that people like to play identity politics with. | ||
What are you eating? | ||
You know, how much of that is... | ||
So you with the meat. | ||
So my doctor, Dr. Sharp. | ||
So now you have a special bone problem, right? | ||
Dr. Sharp from Pasadena? | ||
unidentified
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That's right. | |
Holy shit! | ||
Yeah, I should have said that. | ||
I would have been on it, man. | ||
So he tells me, he always does this, like this, right? | ||
He goes, Jimmy, you're from Chicago. | ||
You eat meat, right? | ||
Deep dish pizza, right? | ||
And I go, yeah, I'm trying not to. | ||
And he goes, why? | ||
I go, you know, global warming. | ||
I saw cows jumping like dogs. | ||
I feel bad. | ||
That video of them bouncing around? | ||
I can't eat pork anymore. | ||
I just can't eat pork anymore. | ||
Pork is shady. | ||
I can't do it. | ||
But wild pigs must be stopped. | ||
Oh, they can kill you, right? | ||
Boars? | ||
Wild boars? | ||
Well, they killed a lady in Texas and ate her. | ||
They found her, an elderly lady, they found her in her driveway, torn apart by wild pigs. | ||
She was on her way out to the car and she just ran into a pack of them and they took her out. | ||
A pack? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Yeah, I've seen videos. | ||
Those things are... | ||
They have to kill them. | ||
There's so many of them, and they breed so quickly. | ||
They have four in a litter. | ||
They'll have four litters in a year. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
That's why there's millions and millions of wild pigs. | ||
They started with just a few pigs that were on, like, the Pinta or the Santa Maria or some shit, and they spread across the entire country. | ||
But once you find out that they have emotions... | ||
Yes, that's a problem. | ||
That's what I can't... | ||
I can't do that. | ||
They have emotions... | ||
That's why you shoot them from a distance. | ||
You don't want to get up close. | ||
So your theory is they don't know it's coming? | ||
No. | ||
But that is a good way to do it because then they die quickly. | ||
But what if you kill their mother? | ||
What if you have a pig and then you kill the pig's mother? | ||
You don't do that if you're an ethical hunter. | ||
You don't shoot a pig that has piglets. | ||
You try to avoid it. | ||
What about a deer? | ||
They don't do that either. | ||
That's illegal. | ||
The only time they do do that, though, in some places illegal, the only time they do do that with pigs is when they're trying to eradicate all of them. | ||
Like, there's some farmlands that experience just devastating losses because of wild pigs. | ||
Okay. | ||
And especially in Texas, millions and millions of dollars a year, which cripples these companies. | ||
They go under because of wild pigs. | ||
Like, some farms can literally go bankrupt. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
You have no idea what it's like unless you've been around them. | ||
But what about pig farming, right? | ||
That's a different thing. | ||
Yeah, most pig farming is disgusting. | ||
I can't... | ||
It's horrible. | ||
But then there's ethical pig farms where they raise these pigs, where they let them roam around. | ||
And the meat looks different because they're eating acorns and natural foods. | ||
unidentified
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Oh, really? | |
Yeah, there's a guy named Joel Salatin, and he runs this farm called Polyface Farms, and he's all about regenerative farming. | ||
And he discusses how the way animals live best is the way they live naturally. | ||
Chickens are supposed to roam free. | ||
So he has this portable chicken house and they roll it into a new field and then the chickens go into the chicken house at night and then in the morning they come out and then they go roam around and they move it to another spot. | ||
So they eat all the bugs and all the grass and all the stuff in the area and then they move to a new spot. | ||
And so they raise chickens and the eggs are healthier. | ||
The pigs, the pork is healthier. | ||
These pigs are wandering around in these open areas and then they corral them and then they kill them quickly. | ||
I just, once I found out, you know, they have real emotions like dogs, I just think about my dog, and I just fall apart. | ||
I can't... | ||
I hear you. | ||
But wild pigs are different animals. | ||
Yeah, that's different. | ||
Because they're an invasive species, you know they actually morph, they change shape? | ||
Like a wild pig and a domestic pig is the same animal. | ||
Like when people talk about, oh, a Russian wild boar, this is all nonsense. | ||
It's all Sue Scroffa. | ||
It's all one genus. | ||
It's the same animal. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, when a wild, when a pig, a domestic pig goes wild, I mean, there's different versions of them, but they can all breed with each other. | ||
When a domestic pig goes wild, like say if you had a domestic pig and you said, go ahead, Porky, be free, and you open up your gate, within weeks, within weeks, they start to physically change. | ||
Their snout starts to lengthen, their hair gets thicker and bushier, and their tusks grow. | ||
No kidding. | ||
Yes, they literally become what you think of when you think of wild boars. | ||
It just takes a while. | ||
But they're one of the weirder animals. | ||
They're almost like gremlins when you feed them after midnight. | ||
When you let them go, they start changing. | ||
They morph. | ||
So I... So Dr. Sharp says to me, from Pasadena, he says, well, you should eat meat. | ||
And I'm like, because of my condition, right? | ||
And he tells this long story about how we evolved. | ||
He sits down and starts telling me. | ||
And about how we were cavemen and inside the glaciers and the thing. | ||
And he's like, so you should eat meat, especially you, because of your condition. | ||
And I go, okay, well, how often? | ||
And he goes, every day. | ||
And I was like, Jesus, I can't do that, you know? | ||
But this is medical advice from a guy who saved my life, right? | ||
So it's like, I eat meat a couple times a week. | ||
Do you feel better or worse when you eat it? | ||
I do have more energy. | ||
Yeah, well that's probably good, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Why don't you eat meat more often? | ||
Just because of conscience. | ||
You don't have to eat pork. | ||
I know. | ||
If you eat humanely raised meat... | ||
So there's grass-fed, that kind of shit? | ||
Yeah, you can buy grass-fed, grass-finished meat from farmers that have a commitment to humanely raised and humanely euthanized animals. | ||
I wouldn't say euthanized, killed animals. | ||
The way they kill them when they harvest them, they just lead them into a pen, they have no idea what's coming, and they put a bolt to their head and bang, they take them out. | ||
It can be done in a way where the animal has no idea what happens until it's over. | ||
Mm-hmm. | ||
And it's not like they're going to live forever. | ||
I mean, obviously, this is a slippery argument because you say that about people too, right? | ||
This guy's an asshole. | ||
Let's just kill him. | ||
It's not like he's going to live forever. | ||
You don't want to say that. | ||
But the quality of the meat is far better if the animal is living a natural life. | ||
Right. | ||
You're talking about organic. | ||
No hormones. | ||
No hormones. | ||
No antibiotics. | ||
Feeding at corn. | ||
Yeah. | ||
No corn, man. | ||
That shit's terrible for cows. | ||
unidentified
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I know. | |
They're not supposed to eat that. | ||
They're ruminants. | ||
They eat fucking grass. | ||
That's what they do. | ||
When they're at their best and healthiest and healthiest for you. | ||
There's better fatty acids in it. | ||
It's just healthier for you. | ||
And so you think if you went vegetarian it would be bad for your health? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I don't I think it's definitely doable. | ||
I definitely think you can go vegetarian and be healthy. | ||
But you have to be really careful about a lot of your nutrient levels. | ||
You have to really make sure you get enough vitamin D, a lot of B12. You gotta check your essential fatty acid levels. | ||
There's a lot of stuff that looks real good on paper, but then you find out it's not bioavailable. | ||
I tried to go vegan for a while, and I got fat. | ||
Well, it's a lot of carbs. | ||
Yeah, I didn't know what I was doing. | ||
I wasn't doing it right, whatever. | ||
I don't like soy. | ||
Why don't you like tofu? | ||
unidentified
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I don't like tofu. | |
Just something about it. | ||
Did you fuck with any of that vegan chicken stuff or any of those weird ones that make them look like real food? | ||
There's a name for that. | ||
Oh, no, no, but that fake meat they have now is fantastic. | ||
It's really bad for you, though. | ||
Do you know that? | ||
It actually causes liver problems in rats. | ||
Yeah, pull up fake meat, liver problems, rats. | ||
unidentified
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No! | |
Yeah, look, it's all oils. | ||
So that stuff is all processed food oils. | ||
It's processed vegetable oils. | ||
And that's bad? | ||
Yeah, just eat fucking vegetables, man. | ||
If you want to be a vegetarian, eat vegetables. | ||
Look, there's a lot of people that would say a regular burger is not good for you either. | ||
But of course a regular burger is just meat with bread and all the bullshit. | ||
The bread and all the bullshit is what's bad for you. | ||
It's not the burger itself, as long as it's an actual meat burger. | ||
Particularly if it's a grass-fed burger. | ||
So what is he pulling up? | ||
He's pulling up this study about one of them. | ||
Impossible Burger, Beyond Meat, one of them. | ||
But they were talking about how there's studies that are showing that this is not... | ||
But again, they're not marketing it as a healthy alternative. | ||
No. | ||
They're marketing it as a meat-free burger. | ||
And a burger is kind of like a fun food anyway. | ||
Here it is. | ||
Rat feeding study suggests the Impossible Burger may not be safe to eat. | ||
L-O-fucking-L. Oh, wow! | ||
But if you go to the ingredients, man, I've had scientists relay the ingredients to me. | ||
I thought it was just coconut oil. | ||
Oh, it's a bunch of fucked up stuff. | ||
Because they've got to make it seem like it's a real burger. | ||
Heem is that thing that makes it taste like it. | ||
It's called heem. | ||
Heem iron. | ||
Something like that. | ||
That's what gives it that flavor that people are looking for. | ||
How are they getting that? | ||
I don't know where they get that from. | ||
Soylent green. | ||
Not good? | ||
It's a people, Joe? | ||
unidentified
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It's a people. | |
It's people. | ||
That sucks. | ||
That sucks. | ||
So you don't think you'll ever stop eating meat? | ||
You think you'll always... | ||
You're like, animals are here for us to eat, and that's that. | ||
I don't think that. | ||
I think we definitely evolved. | ||
The human animal evolved from eating meat. | ||
And that's not under debate. | ||
I mean, we evolved from eating meat. | ||
Weirdo vegans try to say crazy shit like, Oh, why don't we have canines? | ||
How come we can't eat meat raw? | ||
Well, because, asshole, we figured out fire a long fucking time ago, and our bodies adapted because of that. | ||
Our teeth adapted because we figured out how to cut things with utensils, and we figured out how to cook things so they're more tender. | ||
It's not as simple as, like, why do we have an appendix? | ||
Why is that? | ||
I'll tell you why, because we used to eat differently, and we still have a leftover organ, some weird fucking organ for breaking down bark and shit. | ||
You know, we don't need that anymore. | ||
We don't need bark anymore. | ||
Is that what... | ||
Yeah, it's like roots and stuff. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Yeah, I think that's what the appendix is for. | ||
I think it was initially for breaking down, like, very hard-to-digest fibrous things. | ||
So I had my gallbladder out. | ||
Whoa, what did you do with it? | ||
You gonna put it back in? | ||
Yeah, I'm thinking about it. | ||
I have it in my glove box. | ||
What happened? | ||
No, I was having gallbladder attacks. | ||
I thought it was a heart attack. | ||
Whoa, where's a gallbladder? | ||
I don't even know where that is. | ||
It was like right here. | ||
Oh, Jesus. | ||
And I always heard like your heart attack feels like it's in the center. | ||
But this was a little lower. | ||
I'm like, this is a heart attack. | ||
I'm dying. | ||
This is no doubt I'm dying. | ||
unidentified
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Oh, no. | |
I thought for sure I was dying. | ||
So I'm on the couch, and I remember I'm just like, this is, my wife calls the fireman, and I'm just like, this is it. | ||
This is how it's going to happen. | ||
I was kind of okay with it, right? | ||
Because I was in a lot of pain, I wanted it to end. | ||
I was like, okay, if I die, I die. | ||
But then they came and they shot me, and I was like, oh, I feel fantastic again. | ||
So it wasn't, it was just my gallbladder. | ||
They took it out. | ||
What does it do? | ||
The gallbladder secretes bile into your stomach to help digest things, right? | ||
So gallbladder would be like, for bile, when your liver makes bile, it's like your reservoir. | ||
Right. | ||
So now I don't have a reservoir anymore. | ||
So now it just is always kind of dripping. | ||
Is it fucked with you anymore? | ||
You know, it's fucked with me in lots of different ways. | ||
Yeah, my appetite is... | ||
Gets weird when you get nervous? | ||
It doesn't come... | ||
It doesn't come on slowly. | ||
Bam! | ||
So that's why you had to eat when you were on stage like that. | ||
Oh, that makes sense. | ||
Often, after I eat, I have to go to the bathroom right away. | ||
Right away? | ||
Yeah, I don't know. | ||
Ever since I had my gallbladder. | ||
I don't know if other people have that. | ||
I haven't Googled it. | ||
Now, was there any alternative to getting it removed? | ||
Did they say, hey, maybe you could change your diet? | ||
I was not given an alternative. | ||
So you have, like, calcium deposits in your thing, and they block the duct. | ||
And then that's what causes all the pain. | ||
And so eventually it'll dislodge itself and the pain will go away, but it could kill you if it stays and doesn't go away. | ||
And so they have to take it out. | ||
unidentified
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Jesus Christ. | |
Yeah. | ||
And guess, so here's a great story about our medical system, right? | ||
So I have Blue Cross insurance. | ||
I have the best that you could buy or what have you. | ||
And so I had my second gallbladder attack, and I was like, I got to get this goddamn thing out because I can't have this happen again. | ||
It hurts too much, right? | ||
So I called the doctor, and they're like, I can't even get a consultation for three weeks in network. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So I have to get a consultation, then I have to wait another three or four weeks to get the operation. | ||
So this could maybe be two months before I get the operation. | ||
Of these attacks. | ||
And I'm going to have another goddamn attack. | ||
So I went out of network, and I got another doctor to come take care of me faster, so I didn't have to worry about this. | ||
So you had to pay out of pocket. | ||
So I had to pay out of pocket. | ||
Okay. | ||
Yes, so this whole thing you're gonna have to wait, you have to fucking wait right now! | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's ridiculous why you act like that. | ||
No, it's true. | ||
It is true. | ||
It is true. | ||
I have friends in Canada, it's way worse up there though. | ||
About waiting? | ||
Yeah, I had a friend, she needed a knee operation, they waited a fucking year. | ||
So for a whole year she's walking around with a torn ACL and a fucked up knee. | ||
Yeah, a whole year, a year, 12 months, 365 days. | ||
Just hobbling around. | ||
Do you know anybody in Canada that would trade their health care plan for a United States health care plan? | ||
No, they don't want to pay for it. | ||
Once you don't have to pay for it, you don't want to pay for it. | ||
There's a great video where this guy interviews people in England and he asks them, how much do you think it costs to have a baby? | ||
And they're like, $100? | ||
Try 10 grand. | ||
He's like, what? | ||
Yeah, I saw that. | ||
Yeah, everybody freaks out. | ||
Everybody freaks out. | ||
Yeah, well, once you're used to things being free, you don't want to pay for them. | ||
Look, I think healthcare should be free. | ||
I really do. | ||
I think education should be free. | ||
I think if we're going to spend money as a community, if we have a gigantic community of people, and that's what a country really is, right? | ||
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
It's a community. | ||
What is the most important thing to take care of? | ||
Well, we've got to take care of old people, sick people. | ||
We've got to take care of poor people. | ||
The idea that somehow or another... | ||
That this is a foolish notion. | ||
That you have to take care of people. | ||
That education. | ||
It wouldn't be better if more people are educated? | ||
Yeah. | ||
So why shouldn't that be free? | ||
Well, we don't have the money. | ||
But we have how much money? | ||
How much? | ||
131 extra billion they gave Trump. | ||
That'd be a lot of education. | ||
Yeah. | ||
A lot of people learn shit that way. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's double the money it would take to send everybody to college for free. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
$65 billion a year to send everybody to college. | ||
They just spent $131 billion to give to him. | ||
That's double, right? | ||
I'm not a math surgeon, but I'm pretty sure that's double. | ||
Math surgeon. | ||
I think if we figured out a way to, you know... | ||
You know, Ari Schaeffer says the same stuff. | ||
I was just on his show and he was saying, we've got to take care of homeless people. | ||
I'm like, I thought you were a right winger. | ||
Oh, he's not right-wing at all. | ||
I guess not. | ||
Oh, he's very left-wing. | ||
Why'd you think everybody was right-wing? | ||
Because we talk shit? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I just hear shit, you know, on social media or whatever. | ||
Oh, those idiots. | ||
They just think because I've talked to Alex Jones or because I've had, you know, right-wing people on that, you know... | ||
Oh, you're platforming people, Joe? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I've been friends with Alex Jones since the 90s. | ||
I've known that guy forever. | ||
Joe, when I went in... | ||
Did I ever tell you this story? | ||
When you spin his face? | ||
So when the iced tea accidentally, I got... | ||
So, um... | ||
So whatever. | ||
First, I didn't think that would be that big of a deal. | ||
Wow, that turned out to be a big deal, right? | ||
Right. | ||
So then whatever. | ||
So then the next day I talked to some people from his show, and we were all friends, right? | ||
But not him. | ||
And so I went down like a couple months later to do Austin. | ||
So I go to the steakhouse right there. | ||
I forget the name. | ||
It's the big place, right? | ||
It's right across the street from the West End. | ||
And so I'm there. | ||
My brother came down for the weekend, my brother and his wife, and we're all sitting there. | ||
We're eating. | ||
And all of a sudden, my brother goes, Alex Jones just walked in. | ||
He's sitting right behind you. | ||
I go, get the fuck out of here. | ||
He's going to come peep me up. | ||
unidentified
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And he gets up to swing and he says, I'm friends with Joe Rogan! | |
But my brother's a big guy, right? | ||
So all my brothers are bigger than me. | ||
And tough, too, right? | ||
And so I was like, all right, well, if you see him coming this way, you gotta... | ||
Let me out. | ||
So he's back, and he goes, he just sat down, he shook hands with this guy three times. | ||
I go, oh, it sounds like they're up to something. | ||
Luckily, we were finishing, and I was like, okay, I'm going to finish, and I'm going to walk the fuck out of here. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
Just get out of here, slick. | ||
unidentified
|
He could crush me. | |
He wouldn't. | ||
You would be able to talk to him. | ||
He's a lot more reasonable than people think he is, especially now. | ||
Now he's not drinking anymore. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Yeah, he's been off booze for, shit, I want to say many, many months now. | ||
Yeah, it's been quite a while. | ||
He has no drinking. | ||
He just realized he was losing his fucking mind. | ||
He was getting deplatformed. | ||
He was drinking like a bottle, bottle and a half of vodka every night. | ||
Yeah, he was going hard. | ||
Stressful times. | ||
I can understand why people do shit like that. | ||
And when you do drink that much, you do get psychotic. | ||
Dude, I love drinking and I don't drink like I used to anymore. | ||
Well, you get older too. | ||
Your body can't process it right anymore. | ||
I wake up the next day, I'm depressed. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yep. | ||
I love drinking martinis during a live show. | ||
And the next day, you're like, oh. | ||
The next day, I'm like, oh, everything's wrong. | ||
Everything's bad. | ||
But you know what a lot of that is? | ||
A lot of it is not just the alcohol. | ||
It's also the dehydration. | ||
Oh, yeah? | ||
Yeah. | ||
If you just hydrate and take a lot of electrolytes. | ||
You think? | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
You can mitigate a lot of that stuff. | ||
Also, glutathione. | ||
Glutathione can help your body process alcohol quicker. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Glutathione? | ||
Glutathione, yeah, it's an antioxidant, super potent antioxidant. | ||
Yeah, it actually, your body produces it and it aids in the process of processing alcohol. | ||
I didn't know that. | ||
Yeah, I can help you a little bit. | ||
Give you a little boost. | ||
I did drink in Hawaii. | ||
They have Mai Tais. | ||
I bet you did. | ||
Those fucking Mai Tais, man. | ||
I love them. | ||
I couldn't stop drinking them. | ||
They taste so good. | ||
Yeah, that's a problem when things are delicious, but yet also get you fucked up. | ||
Alcohol, yeah. | ||
But I wasn't driving anywhere. | ||
I didn't have to do anything, so it was all right. | ||
There used to be a place in West Palm Beach, Improv, and downstairs they had one of those alcoholic Slurpee places. | ||
Oh, no! | ||
You know those things? | ||
Yes! | ||
And they taste fucking delicious. | ||
And they had one of them called Call a Cab. | ||
And you would drink it, and it was like, I drank one on stage once, and by the end of the show, I was like, thank God the show ended the way it did, because I forgot how to talk. | ||
Really? | ||
Oh my God, I was so sloshed. | ||
By the time the show was over, I was, one glass. | ||
I mean, one, like, it was like a Big Gulp-sized call a cab. | ||
I don't know how many drinks were in this one. | ||
How many shots were there, like seven shots or something? | ||
Fuckload. | ||
But it's like a giant mix, right? | ||
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
So it's just like 7-Eleven Slurpees. | ||
It all comes out. | ||
Sugar, I got a lot of sugar in it. | ||
Oh, all sugar. | ||
But it tastes good. | ||
It tastes good, and you get fucked up. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I've never been that fucked up on stage. | ||
There was a time when I was going through a phase where I dropped my pants on stage. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
You stopped doing that? | ||
I did. | ||
People start to complain. | ||
unidentified
|
Why? | |
I don't know. | ||
I'm like, this is the oldest comic gig in the fucking gig in the thing. | ||
This is the gag. | ||
You drop your pants. | ||
I'm Jerry Lewis. | ||
It's funny. | ||
Did you have underwear on? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh, no. | ||
Yeah, I had underwear on. | ||
Ari pulls his hog out. | ||
Not anymore. | ||
unidentified
|
Really? | |
I think he's scared now. | ||
Can you do that? | ||
Isn't that illegal? | ||
Yeah, you can still pull your hog out. | ||
He pulled his hog out at Skank Fest in New York. | ||
They had a, you know, Skank Fest. | ||
I'm, again, not familiar with this stuff. | ||
unidentified
|
You gotta get in the loop. | |
I know, I'm out of it. | ||
He did it a few weeks ago. | ||
unidentified
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Did he? | |
I killed Tony, yeah. | ||
Pulled his hog out again? | ||
Yeah, right before he was here, right before maybe Tony was here, one of the times. | ||
Where was it? | ||
Mainstage. | ||
Oh, in the comic store? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
Well, probably shouldn't say that. | ||
That could probably be a problem. | ||
Illegal. | ||
Well, I used to do it, Joe. | ||
It's a fake rubber dick. | ||
Don't worry about it, folks. | ||
I used to do it. | ||
You used to pull your dick out? | ||
Yeah, and then nobody noticed that I was embarrassing. | ||
unidentified
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I get it. | |
I get it. | ||
It's a joke. | ||
Yeah, Joe. | ||
Sometimes I do jokes, all right? | ||
It's okay. | ||
What am I here, my father? | ||
No, it's okay. | ||
It's all fine. | ||
It's all fine. | ||
Ari has always done ridiculous shit. | ||
He used to go on stage with his balls out of his pants and how to dress it. | ||
unidentified
|
Come on! | |
So he'd go on stage and do his act. | ||
unidentified
|
Come on! | |
And what he would do is he would just unzip his pants, pull his sack out, and then just have only his sack hanging out while he was on stage. | ||
Who did it at the store where there was someone on stage? | ||
unidentified
|
Joey. | |
There was Joey behind the person. | ||
There was a woman on stage. | ||
She was terrible. | ||
Like one of the worst comics that's ever done comedy. | ||
And... | ||
This one night she was killing. | ||
I mean fucking killing. | ||
And this is why. | ||
When she would hit a punchline, Joey was hiding behind the stage and he was naked. | ||
unidentified
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And he'd go, ah! | |
And then he would close the curtains. | ||
And so she would get this giant fucking laugh. | ||
And she was like, wow! | ||
And you can see her kind of feeling her oats. | ||
And then she's like, and then I told him, fuck you! | ||
And I'm like, ah! | ||
No! | ||
Yes! | ||
Balls ass naked. | ||
That seems like you could be in jail. | ||
That seems criminal. | ||
With Joey's balls look like grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. | ||
And he's got a giant dick. | ||
So Joey would, you know, he's got this huge belly. | ||
So he opens up the curtains. | ||
His pants are down by his ankles. | ||
His balls and his dick are hanging out. | ||
He's got this huge belly. | ||
Yeah. | ||
She never did comedy again. | ||
Really? | ||
No. | ||
unidentified
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I'm making that up. | |
Oh, okay. | ||
She should've. | ||
There he is. | ||
That's in Austin, actually. | ||
That was where we were at the hotel, hanging out in the... | ||
There's Ari in the background. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Hanging out at the jacuzzi, getting ready for the show. | ||
Wow. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Back in the day. | ||
I mean, like, comedies, it's already dangerous enough. | ||
unidentified
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I don't need to add nudity. | |
Well, you get in trouble now for things like that. | ||
People can get really angry at you for showing your dick. | ||
It's not like the olden days. | ||
It was a subtle gag. | ||
It's a goof. | ||
Nobody cared. | ||
It's got its cock out. | ||
Joey used to do it all the time. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I don't... | ||
There was... | ||
I remember when I was a kid, I had older sisters, and there was a flasher in our neighborhood. | ||
unidentified
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Oh. | |
And they would go, I'm like, oh, the guy flat. | ||
I'm like, I don't understand this whole thing. | ||
I don't understand why he's doing that. | ||
I don't understand why it freaks you out so much. | ||
It's like, I don't... | ||
The whole thing, but now I understand why it freaks them out. | ||
I get the freaking out. | ||
I still don't get why they do it, but I think it has something to do with someone traumatizing you when you're young. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's got to be humiliation, something you're addicted to, that kind of... | ||
There's lots of people like that. | ||
Yeah, well, how about guys who are addicted to, they hire women to gag them and shit on them and kick them in the balls and sometimes like really powerful men. | ||
And hurt them. | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Like hurt them. | ||
Stomp their nuts. | ||
Like stomp on their nuts with a stiletto and then it starts bleeding. | ||
How is that fun? | ||
How is that, what is that? | ||
I don't know. | ||
That is such a- Broken people. | ||
That is broke. | ||
So down a rabbit hole of humility. | ||
I mean, I was hit a lot. | ||
I went to Catholic. | ||
I got all the guilt and hitting and somehow I managed to avoid that kind of shit. | ||
I think that is- Not that I don't have weird shit, but- That's some mommy shit and the whole pantyhose and beating you and kicking you in the balls. | ||
It's like, There's obviously a spectrum of pathologies that people can develop in their life. | ||
And there's probably a lot of mental illness involved in there and violence and abuse. | ||
But apparently there's a woman that I talked to who's a dominatrix. | ||
And she was telling me and Jim Norton. | ||
Yeah, I know Jim. | ||
He loves dominatrix. | ||
And she was saying most of her clients are like these wealthy CEOs, and they run these companies, and they're the fucking man, and when they walk in, oh, Mr. Wilson's here. | ||
Hello, Mr. Wilson, can I get you a cup of coffee? | ||
And everyone's kissing their ass, and they want someone to shit on them, like literally shit on them. | ||
They want someone to tie them up, and she would say that those are the guys. | ||
Why is that, though? | ||
I guess it's just... | ||
So every powerful guy wants to feel a release of their power? | ||
unidentified
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No. | |
Well, that's why when the... | ||
John Wayne wanted to be shit on? | ||
I don't get it. | ||
Maybe. | ||
The Steele dossier, right? | ||
When they were talking about Trump getting peed on and all that stuff, or peeing on them. | ||
That's why it made sense. | ||
It's like, well, of course. | ||
Of course. | ||
Not that it's real. | ||
Not that it made sense that it's real. | ||
But that would be a story that you would kind of expect from a super powerful guy who had a weird kink. | ||
Super powerful guys with weird kinks, they usually want to get pegged, right? | ||
They want to get pissed on. | ||
unidentified
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Pegged? | |
Pegged is the best. | ||
That's one of the best things. | ||
Because you can say pegged on national TV right now. | ||
Yes! | ||
You can still say it. | ||
They're pegged. | ||
No one can stop you. | ||
Right? | ||
Pegged is not like... | ||
It's not in the dictionary, I don't think. | ||
Right. | ||
If you say buttfucked with a dildo, people go, Hey! | ||
But you shouldn't even say that because it's too wordy. | ||
Economy of words. | ||
Pegged fits better. | ||
And it's got a P and a G. Pegged. | ||
How do you just not start laughing when she starts pegging you? | ||
I don't know. | ||
How do you just not start laughing? | ||
You might be really into it. | ||
You gotta be. | ||
unidentified
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Oh yes, I'm a bad boy! | |
I don't get it. | ||
What do the women get out of it? | ||
They get to dominate you and fucking humiliate you. | ||
Yeah, I knew a guy and this girl said that she would fuck him if he let her peg him. | ||
And he wouldn't do it. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
And we were calling him gay. | ||
She wanted to do it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Well, she said... | ||
She goes, I'll let you fuck you. | ||
She goes, I'll let you fuck me, but I want to fuck you in the ass with a dildo. | ||
How pretty was she? | ||
She's pretty hot. | ||
And all my friends called him gay. | ||
unidentified
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Well... | |
Bro, you're gay. | ||
You should have just fucked her and let her take you in the ass. | ||
You won't let someone fuck you in the ass. | ||
You're gay. | ||
And my friend, it was funny. | ||
He was like, it's not even a real dick, bro. | ||
unidentified
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! | |
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! | ||
There's no win there for this guy. | ||
Yeah, you're like, look, she's hot, man. | ||
She probably doesn't want to fuck you, but she's willing to do it if you're willing to do something for her. | ||
She probably always wanted to peg a guy. | ||
You got to make some sacrifices. | ||
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
It's like your joke about the female version of who wants to give you a job in Hollywood movie. | ||
Oh, Harvina Weinstein? | ||
Yeah. | ||
It sounds like that. | ||
If Harvina Weinstein came to my son with a solid contract, I'd be like, dude, you're going to be Batman. | ||
unidentified
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Exactly. | |
That's true. | ||
We were talking about that last night with R. Kelly. | ||
The R. Kelly story is horrific, right? | ||
He's having sex with 15, 16-year-old girls. | ||
But imagine if J-Lo had a bunch of 15 and 16-year-old boys locked up in a house somewhere in Miami. | ||
She's making them all eat her ass and videotaping them. | ||
We would be laughing. | ||
We'd be, it's so funny. | ||
It's so different. | ||
It is a different thing. | ||
Men and women are different. | ||
They're a different thing. | ||
And this idea that we're not different is so stupid. | ||
We're not math. | ||
Right. | ||
We're very different. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Yeah, but we're in denial of that because we work in these environments where men and women are side by side, 40 hours a week, and everybody's under a human resources fucking tight grip of behavior, and so everybody has to act weird, and then men don't want their women mad at them, so they have to pretend that, yeah, these guys are assholes. | ||
These guys are total pig. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
As a male feminist, I find that atrocious. | ||
You know who's not a male feminist? | ||
You know who you never find that's a male feminist? | ||
Gay guys. | ||
Because they're not trying to fuck you. | ||
Okay? | ||
So they don't have to play some stupid game. | ||
They care about women more than they care about anything. | ||
And women's equality is the most important thing. | ||
No, they're trying to suck dick and butt fuck dudes. | ||
They're having a good time. | ||
That's what they do. | ||
They're having a fun time with other gay guys. | ||
They don't want you to be victimized, but they're not going to go out of their way as a male ally. | ||
That's all guys trying to fuck you. | ||
100%. | ||
It is 100% sneaky guys who can't figure out any other way to fuck. | ||
That they pretend to be female allies or feminists? | ||
Yeah, male feminists. | ||
You can just be a nice person who's got good values and ethics and you want equality for all. | ||
But the idea that you're a male feminist, you come out, I'm a male feminist. | ||
Just saying those words out of your fucking mouth. | ||
You're a sneaky fuck. | ||
I know what you're doing. | ||
You're sneaky. | ||
You're a gender traitor. | ||
So you're telling me... | ||
That guys who say, I always thought feminism was just about treating women equally. | ||
That's because you're talking to too many liberals. | ||
What is it about? | ||
Well, it is about treating people equally if you feel that it's about treating people equally. | ||
But when you hear a man say that he's a male feminist, you're going so out on a limb. | ||
You're not just saying, I'm all about treating people equally. | ||
You're labeling yourself. | ||
And you're labeling yourself in this sort of submissive... | ||
Sort of, you're giving in to this cultural wave. | ||
So let me just, can you, what is the definition of feminism? | ||
Is that okay if I can ask? | ||
Who the fuck knows? | ||
Right? | ||
I mean, he's gonna look it up, right? | ||
I can ask Suri. | ||
I bet you she knows. | ||
Yeah, ask Suri. | ||
Okay, ready? | ||
We gotta end this soon, though. | ||
I know. | ||
Hey, Suri, what's the definition of feminism? | ||
Advocacy of women's rights on the basis of equality of the sexes. | ||
Boy, that's an open-ended statement right there. | ||
Equality of the sexes how? | ||
Weightlifting? | ||
Making babies? | ||
There's no equality. | ||
The advocacy of women's rights based on the equality of sexes. | ||
That is, of the sexes. | ||
Well, I think you're equal, but you can be equal, but different. | ||
Well, we're not math, right? | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
We certainly should have equal rights. | ||
We certainly should have just equal, the way people treat each other. | ||
Just... | ||
Equal morals and ethics. | ||
Another definition of feminine? | ||
The theory of political, economic, social equality of the sexes. | ||
Organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests. | ||
I mean, that sounds like shit that you would agree with, Joe. | ||
Well, organized activity on behind... | ||
This is going to take too long. | ||
Okay. | ||
Unfortunately, because it's 3 o'clock. | ||
Okay. | ||
But yeah, I agree with most of those things. | ||
What I don't agree with is someone labeling themselves that way that's a man. | ||
Because everyone that I've ever met is a little weasel. | ||
I always say, show me a male feminist that can pick up heavy things and run fast. | ||
They don't exist. | ||
They don't exist. | ||
You would think George Clooney calls himself a feminist? | ||
Does he? | ||
I don't know. | ||
unidentified
|
Does he have to? | |
Probably has to. | ||
You think he gets pegged? | ||
Yes. | ||
But I think it's Brad Pitt. | ||
I like how you look, Jesus Christ, like, yeah, I'm going in. | ||
Jimmy, I love you. | ||
We ought to do this more often. | ||
Yes, I would love to. | ||
Can we do this more often? | ||
It's always great to talk with you. | ||
It's always great to talk to you, too. | ||
Tell everybody how to get to your show, all your social media shit, everything. | ||
JimmyDoreComedy.com. | ||
We're on tour. | ||
We're going to be in Tempe, Miami, all over the place. | ||
Go to JimmyDoreComedy.com and you'll see everything. | ||
Always appreciate it, brother. | ||
Thank you so much. | ||
Thank you. |