Jan. 13, 2020 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:05:21
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Get that picture of that fucking monkey I sent you this morning for breakfast. | ||
| Who sends you those type of pictures anymore? | ||
| The picture you sent me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of that girl's lovely private parts. | ||
| That's the best name for a vagina, a monkey. | ||
| I send them to everybody, too. | ||
| Presidents of corporations, cops on Monday. | ||
| Happy Monday. | ||
| They make their day. | ||
| Everybody's day is a lot better. | ||
| Start the day on the right foot. | ||
| Especially presidents of corporations. | ||
| Can you imagine if you had to work in a fucking office for your whole life, as old as we are now, if we were in an office since the time we were like 23, 24 years old, right out of school, just every day, buttoned down, Try not to say anything that's going to get you in trouble. | ||
| Just trying to fucking make it to 5 o'clock and then immediately go to a bar and talk shit with your friends and then do it all over again on Monday. | ||
| I time it so I know you're in a meeting. | ||
| I know that you're in a meeting with eight white dudes and they're real serious about, you know, numbers have to be out, statistics. | ||
| And all of a sudden your phone rings. | ||
| You fucking open it up. | ||
| It's a picture of a woman's vagina. | ||
| And it breaks up the whole morning. | ||
| You're like, thank God Joey Diaz exists because he understands what I'm going through. | ||
| That's tough. | ||
| That's tough. | ||
| Going to sales meetings. | ||
| I used to go to sales meetings and they'd talk about, dog, do you know I went to Anthony Robbins things? | ||
| Did you? | ||
| When I was a burglar, I went to Anthony Robbins things. | ||
| Did you be a better burglar? | ||
| No, and I ended up kidnapping a motherfucker. | ||
| He focused me. | ||
| I walked on the coals. | ||
| I was all in with Anthony Robbins. | ||
| You do know that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Because I worked for a Subaru dealership, so Subaru paid for you to go to Anthony Robbins seminars. | ||
| So they would give me like three bills for the day for per diem. | ||
| I would go to Denver and do the Anthony Robbins seminar. | ||
| Dude, you should be a Subaru spokesperson. | ||
| Who's more loyal to Subaru than you? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| You fucking love Subarus. | ||
| Love them. | ||
| Love them. | ||
| I just cannot... | ||
| Because you lived in Boulder. | ||
| I lived in Aspen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I saw vans. | ||
| I saw every type of high-level car spin around. | ||
| And you just lose control. | ||
| Did you ever lose control in Colorado? | ||
| I didn't, but I did in Boston a bunch of times. | ||
| It wasn't fun for her. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Whenever you're driving in snow, it's touch and go. | ||
| You could get patches of ice. | ||
| And in Colorado at night, you got a thing called black ice. | ||
| And, you know, I remember being, I worked at the Crestwood. | ||
| I was security. | ||
| And I had to pick people up at the airport at night. | ||
| And I fucking did everything I could to get out of that job because one night I was in a van with people doing the speed limit, no alcohol, you know me. | ||
| I just hit black ice and the thing started spinning and you don't know where you're gonna land. | ||
| You have no idea. | ||
| I was with McGuire once. | ||
| Chris McGuire and I were on our way to the airport in Ohio and we crossed over a bridge and bridge is where you get it because there's no ground underneath it so things freeze quicker. | ||
| We went over this bridge and just, whee! | ||
| Just got lucky. | ||
| Nothing happened. | ||
| We both went, alright. | ||
| You know, it stopped where we were facing the wrong way, but there was no one on the road because it was early. | ||
| We were headed back to the airport, and we just got packed in wine and just like, okay, I remember this. | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| Like, all of a sudden, you got no power. | ||
| You know, I love German technology. | ||
| I love the look of a lot of sport cars and everything like that. | ||
| But when I... There's been nights... | ||
| Ten years ago, I had a gig in Irvine. | ||
| And it was raining. | ||
| One of those January in California just coming down. | ||
| I mean, you couldn't see in front of you. | ||
| And cars are pulled over. | ||
| And I'm doing 75 in the Subaru. | ||
| Why is a Subaru so good at that? | ||
| Like, what is the big deal about Subarus? | ||
| When I first started with... | ||
| Like, I had never sold a car before. | ||
| I was a detailer. | ||
| And I became friends with the guy at Subaru. | ||
| And he would bust my balls every day. | ||
| His name was Peter Pinto from Florida. | ||
| Peter Pinto. | ||
| He was a little guy. | ||
| What are you doing watching cars? | ||
| From Florida, he went all the way up to Colorado? | ||
| Colorado to sell cars. | ||
| And he became mad. | ||
| And I got... | ||
| I was properly introduced. | ||
| In those days, they gave you $1,500 the first month and they trained you for two weeks on cars. | ||
| I knew nothing about the car. | ||
| When you had that car and the axle fell off, you got rid of it because you're not a car guy. | ||
| You're not going to get up on Saturdays and go to the store. | ||
| And find the piece from the 1966 Converter. | ||
| Some people have that as a hobby. | ||
| Those guys love that shit. | ||
| Tim Allen, Jay Leno, Gabriel. | ||
| I love them for that. | ||
| I don't have that gift. | ||
| So when I was introduced to the Subaru, I'm like, yeah, whatever. | ||
| It's just another fucking car. | ||
| And then I saw snowstorms. | ||
| And I saw how people reacted to Subarus. | ||
| In Boulder, it's either Subaru or a fucking 4Runner. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I'm telling you that's it. | ||
| Once the snow drops, that September snowstorm, it's Subaru. | ||
| Subaru's the first car that has an engine sideways. | ||
| The engine isn't in like usual cars. | ||
| That was the secret about Subaru. | ||
| The engine's sideways. | ||
| I've seen a few engines like that, right? | ||
| What do they call that? | ||
| Inline? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| No, inline is straight, right? | ||
| That's like a BMW. They have a word for it. | ||
| Subaru technology started there. | ||
| And then when I started selling Subarus, it had a GL-10 that I was really impressed with because what it let you do is... | ||
| If you went up Lee Hill Road, okay, and you made the left to go down into your property, and there was snow, you could press a button and the shock absorbers would fill up. | ||
| And your car would rise above so you could go through the snow. | ||
| So all those little things. | ||
| They had that way back then? | ||
| 1988, 89, the GL10s. | ||
| The only knock Subaru had was that if you had a stick, you couldn't keep your hand on it. | ||
| You couldn't keep your hand on the stick. | ||
| Right, so if I'm driving a stick, boom, I'm in two, two, I'm in three, I gotta kept my hand off it. | ||
| I could only, the clutch cable. | ||
| That was the only knock they had. | ||
| So the clutch cable would break? | ||
| It would break if you kept your hand on it too long. | ||
| I had one of those break on me once. | ||
| Yes, so you have to go one, then two, then three, then four. | ||
| I had it actually break on me twice. | ||
| Once I got stuck in second gear and I managed to drive to a parking lot and get towed. | ||
| I had a 2005 or something like that. | ||
| 2004, 2005 Porsche. | ||
| It just kept breaking. | ||
| The thing that kept breaking was that thing with the clutch and also the fuel pump. | ||
| See, that was a GL-10 sedan. | ||
| I'm talking about the wagon, the duded-up wagon. | ||
| It was just a brilliant automobile. | ||
| And then I started selling Toyotas. | ||
| Those things are still on the road, dude. | ||
| They're still on the road, guys. | ||
| And this is what I'm saying about the American dollar. | ||
| I like the Subaru because I respect what they do with the American dollar. | ||
| What do they do? | ||
| They give you a dollar's worth for a dollar. | ||
| Oh, right, right. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| For the American who's really looking for a fucking car to last. | ||
| I've gone into Douglas Toyota and have seen trucks with a half a million miles on them. | ||
| On a Toyota truck. | ||
| That says a lot. | ||
| When you're an American, you're a construction guy, you know, you're putting in bids and blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Do you know Matt Farah? | ||
| Do I know him? | ||
| Smoking Tire? | ||
| Do you know that dude? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's a big fan of yours. | ||
| He loves comedy. | ||
| He's got this great YouTube channel. | ||
| It's all about cars. | ||
| And they had a car, a Lexus, that they took to a million miles. | ||
| He had a million mile Lexus. | ||
| Now, who makes Lexus at the end of the day? | ||
| Toyota. | ||
| What the fuck are we talking about? | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| I've had three Lexuses over the course of my life. | ||
| Never had a single problem. | ||
| Zero problems. | ||
| They just work. | ||
| They always work. | ||
| They just work. | ||
| All cars are so amazing now. | ||
| It's like the bar is set so high that if you just get a Mustang GT, just a Mustang GT today, which is very reasonable. | ||
| I think a Ford Mustang GT, tell me how much one of those fucking things cost. | ||
| But it's got performance that you couldn't even imagine 20 years ago. | ||
| And it's probably under $50,000. | ||
| It's probably $40,000. | ||
| How much are those? | ||
| Starts at 26. 26! | ||
| 26,000? | ||
|
unidentified
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Is that for the regular Mustang or the GT? I typed in GT, but it says regular. | |
| Okay, so I think the regular one might have a six-cylinder. | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| I think they still do that. | ||
| I might be wrong about that. | ||
|
unidentified
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Premium Fastback starts at 39. Okay, and that's the one with the V8, right? | |
| That's the Coyote V8. It's a five-liter V8. It's fucking wicked powerful, like 460 horsepower. | ||
| I mean, the power that you get with... | ||
| $40,000, $45,000 today. | ||
| It's just insane. | ||
| They keep getting better and better and better. | ||
| It's like, where are they going to go with these fucking things? | ||
| And the leases are great. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The leases are great. | ||
| The deals they're giving you now, I mean, a buddy of mine just bought a car and he got a point and a half, whatever, interest rate, whatever, you know, for a point and a half mediocre credit. | ||
| It's a time to buy a car. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Get whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| All cars are good now. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's like, you can't make a shitty car anymore. | ||
| Like, America went through a time period where we just made dogshit cars. | ||
| And everybody knew that they broke. | ||
| And everybody was like, look, if you buy American cars, you're going to buy something that's going to cost the same amount, but it's not going to last as long. | ||
| And the Japanese just took the Germans. | ||
| They just took it over. | ||
| They took it over. | ||
| And then Lee Iacocca... | ||
| Brought it back with the K car. | ||
| You know what's the most hilarious country though for cars? | ||
| My people. | ||
| The Italians. | ||
| Don't get me started. | ||
| They never made a single car that's reliable. | ||
| Don't even get me started. | ||
| Remember we had the conversation about my buddy who had the Italian car. | ||
| He went crazy. | ||
| I'm going to keep it in my roots. | ||
| The car is still in his garage, bro. | ||
| Rusty, fucking the Bugatti or whatever the fuck. | ||
| Apparently the new ones you can drive. | ||
| Like a new one, they're actually reliable. | ||
| For two weeks. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, no, no. | |
| The new ones apparently. | ||
| It's like everything else. | ||
| They got to a point where they just had to have better electronics. | ||
|
unidentified
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Do you remember the Triumph? | |
| Yes, I do. | ||
| The Triumph. | ||
| We grew up on the Triumph, the thing by Volkswagen. | ||
| I don't remember that one. | ||
| The thing by Volkswagen. | ||
| Was that their little van thing? | ||
| It was a little van thing. | ||
| There's like 10 left. | ||
| If you got a thing, somebody will give you a million dollars. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They had a Subaru made a car called the Justy. | ||
| Oh, that's it? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Subaru made a car called the Justy, a three-cylinder. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Just to compete with Hyundai. | ||
| When Hyundai came out with the Muttmobile in 87, Hyundai changed the game. | ||
| Hyundai came out with the Astana or whatever that little four-door car is, 160, you know, 150 down, 150 a month, busted the car industry. | ||
| Subaru had to compete. | ||
| Everybody had to drop those tin cans just to compete. | ||
| There was a lot of people driving those Hyundais when they first came out. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck it! | |
| Because they were so cheap. | ||
| A buddy of mine got money. | ||
| $150 a month. | ||
| You know, all day long. | ||
| A buddy of mine got money that I used to drive, deliver papers with. | ||
| And he was telling me, he's like, look, these fucking Koreans, man, when they get into something, they know what they're doing. | ||
| Like, if they're going to jump into the car market, that's a disciplined group of people. | ||
| If they're going to jump into the car market, they're going to make a badass car. | ||
| They're very reliable. | ||
| Mitsubishi, for example. | ||
| People hate Mitsubishi. | ||
| Why do they hate Mitsubishi? | ||
| Because Mitsubishi made the parts that were in the Meg that the Americans went up against in World War II. Oh, really? | ||
| So if you try to sell a fucking... | ||
| Those guys are all gone. | ||
| Rest in peace. | ||
| But when you sold a car to a guy that did the reading on... | ||
| There were certain Chryslers. | ||
| That had Mitsubishi parts on it. | ||
| Ford had Mitsubishi parts on it because Mitsubishi is like the greatest, biggest thing of car parts. | ||
| So everybody has Mitsubishi parts on their car. | ||
| Something belongs to Mitsubishi. | ||
| So if you had a Mitsubishi, you were a bad person? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| So when most, some Americans, old school veterans, you know those guys that wear the jackets with the hat, when they come to see a car, if you show them a Chrysler, a certain type of Chrysler, they go, nah. | ||
| They got a Mitsubishi fucking tailpipe. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That's how pissed off they were. | ||
|
unidentified
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Of course. | |
| Because the Megs would shoot down the Americans or something. | ||
| It was some historic thing. | ||
| But then Mitsubishi got into the business. | ||
| Mitsubishi busted along in like the 80s, the late 80s. | ||
| They came out with that fucking car, the Eclipse. | ||
| Remember the Eclipse? | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Hot little fucking car. | ||
| I had a Mitsubishi at one point. | ||
| I had a Starion. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah, I remember that I had a Mitsubishi because they were cheap. | ||
| You know, you go into Toyota plants to buy a Toyota and you're a mutt. | ||
| You didn't pay the water bill. | ||
| To speak to that, Dodge used to sell their version of the Starion. | ||
| It was the Conquest. | ||
| Dodge had the Conquest TSI, and it was their version of the Starion. | ||
| It was the same car. | ||
| It was one of the rare times in history where two car companies have the exact same car. | ||
| The exact same car. | ||
| One was the Conquest, one was the Starion. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| That red one right there looks exactly like my buddy Jimmy Detelios. | ||
| My buddy Jimmy had one exactly like that. | ||
| When we were like 21. This is why it's very hard for a guy like me to fall for fads, especially for cars. | ||
| Because I've seen a lot of fads. | ||
| I remember the Suzuki Samurai. | ||
| How many motherfuckers killed the Suzuki Samurai? | ||
| It was like the scooter. | ||
| You know these jerk-offs at the scooters today thinking that they're cool? | ||
| The Suzuki Samurai came around and it started tipping over. | ||
| The thing started tipping over. | ||
| Well, people try to take corners with them as if it's like a sports car. | ||
| The thing weighed eight pounds. | ||
| I had friends tipping them over. | ||
| They were made of fucking tin. | ||
| And they were $150 down, you know, $150 a month. | ||
| And for fucking an extra $25, I had a guy with a fan. | ||
| Because he would die in these things. | ||
| People were dying. | ||
| What the fuck is that thing, James? | ||
|
unidentified
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They sell these in the Studio City. | |
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
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It's an electric car that's like a one-seater. | |
| It's a three-wheel, one-seater car. | ||
| Electra Mechanica? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, I don't know how to say it. | |
| I think that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Electra, yeah. | |
| Dad, it's crazy, and it's a one-person car? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, it's a Canadian apartment car. | |
| You know what's good about that car? | ||
| Bro. | ||
| It doubles as a casket. | ||
| That's what's great about that fucking car, that your family saves 10 Gs by a casket. | ||
| They just bury you in that fucking thing. | ||
| But if you think about it, if you have to get around everywhere, and it's just you most days, and something like this is cheap, what is the difference between being in that and being in a big truck with all that fucking empty space? | ||
| Because you look like a fucking idiot in that fucking thing. | ||
| You ever drive past one of these idiots, and you're at a light, and you actually look at him, and you're like, in his mind... | ||
| He's stinking. | ||
| He's the coolest guy in the fucking world. | ||
| That guy thinks he's fucking Ricky Gervais. | ||
| That guy's actually a cool looking one. | ||
| Look at that front hood scoop. | ||
| Joe, that's a casket. | ||
| Is that the headlight? | ||
| No, it's a hood scoop. | ||
| Is that their high beams? | ||
|
unidentified
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What is that? | |
| I don't think it looks like headlights, but... | ||
| I think that's actually a real hood scoop for some strangers. | ||
| There's a plastic piece over it. | ||
| Yeah, what is that? | ||
| Is that clear plastic over it? | ||
| Is that what I'm looking at? | ||
|
unidentified
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Could be because it's inside, but I don't know. | |
| So crazy. | ||
| That's like the RX-7. | ||
| The RX-7 was a casket for two. | ||
|
unidentified
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Was it? | |
| Remember the Mazda RX-7? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I fucking hated that car. | ||
| You know why, though? | ||
|
unidentified
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Why? | |
| Because I was coming home on January 1st, and I was one of the first people on the site. | ||
| And I was, I don't know, I don't want to say, I was tripping on something. | ||
| I was on some type of drug, but I wasn't over the hill. | ||
| I was still alert. | ||
| And we were like maybe the third car there. | ||
| And it was a Mazda that had hit a pole. | ||
| Head on, and it was split down the middle, all the way to the windshield. | ||
| And I could hear the girl yelling. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And we were there. | ||
| The fire department came, ambulance, a couple heroes trying to get him out. | ||
| He was dead on arrival. | ||
| They saw the car and that's why I don't like those little cars. | ||
| They're caskets. | ||
| That's the caskets. | ||
| In those days and after that I never got an RX-7. | ||
| My buddy the devil had an RX-7. | ||
| Were they the ones with the rotary engine? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There's a sports car company that uniquely has a rotary engine. | ||
| It's a different kind of engine. | ||
| It's not like cylinders. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| It is Mazda? | ||
| Yeah, they got a different kind of engine, John. | ||
| Mazda's a good car. | ||
| Dude, I drove one of the more modern Mazdas in like 2000, maybe? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, it was like 90s. | ||
| Okay, it was before I moved to California. | ||
| See, look at that thing. | ||
| That's how the engine works. | ||
| Instead of having a bunch of pistons, it's got this big fucking thing in the middle of it. | ||
| I wish I understood engines to know why this is that different. | ||
|
unidentified
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No, regular engines have the things that go like this. | |
| Pistons. | ||
| Real car people must be going crazy right now. | ||
| I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, it's been years. | ||
| They don't know shit. | ||
| So we're watching this video that says Mazda RX-7, rotary engine, how it works. | ||
| And it's describing how it works in a very strange video where you're watching this thing rolling around inside of an oval, it looks like, a big oval engine container. | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| But it's very fast. | ||
| It was the one that this guy had. | ||
| I guess, like I'm saying, I think it's 93 or something like that. | ||
| It was really fast. | ||
| And it really handled really well, too. | ||
|
unidentified
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But it was a very light car. | |
| These things are weird, man. | ||
| Like, rotary engine, that's weird. | ||
| Like, how come nobody else adopted that? | ||
| But it looks like a badass watch, you know? | ||
| See, I didn't have a car education. | ||
| But by selling cars in Boulder... | ||
| I learned a lot. | ||
| Now I forget that stuff, I'm not going to lie to you, because the level of intelligence in Boulder from the university, when they would come in, remember Boulder, at the end of the day, University of Colorado is where you're going to be an astronaut. | ||
| You know that. | ||
| Is that where it is? | ||
| Like, that's heavy duty Boulder. | ||
| They have like a whole thing back there. | ||
| So those people move into town between them. | ||
| And the Japanese that move there, they come to Subaru and they ask very intelligent questions. | ||
| Completely different than a guy like you, me, or Jamie would ask. | ||
| Are you saying we're dumb? | ||
| Yes, compared to what they'd ask. | ||
| Like what kind of questions? | ||
| You know, velocity, this, that, this, and I'd have to find these answers for them. | ||
| Because they were like astronauts. | ||
| I'd have to go in. | ||
| There was no computers in 88 like that I could go on. | ||
| So I'd have to go on a brochure. | ||
| And really go into it and then they'd take the calculator out. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Those type of people. | ||
| So that's why I remember learning as much as I could because they were so intelligent. | ||
| When they'd come over, especially the Japanese guys, they couldn't speak that good English. | ||
| But they would look at cars. | ||
| What's this? | ||
| What's the weight? | ||
| That's what's really amazing if you stop and think about the creation of cars and how they've evolved and they keep getting better. | ||
| For a long time they did it without the internet. | ||
| Long time. | ||
| Long time. | ||
| Some of the greatest cars ever created. | ||
| Pre-internet. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Just think about all the various forms of sports cars and 911s. | ||
| All those different Corvettes that came out. | ||
| All that shit was before the internet. | ||
| They were just looking at each other's pictures and looking at magazines and everyone was competing against each other to have the best handling car, the best looking car, best fuel efficiency. | ||
| Things kept shifting over the years. | ||
| Like for 10 years in America, they didn't make anything good. | ||
| For 10 years. | ||
| What were the years? | ||
| It was the years from American muscle cars. | ||
| When I say anything good, I mean like something that like... | ||
| A muscle car lover, other than the Trans Am. | ||
| The Trans Am is the exception to the rule. | ||
| Trans Am, they made some, you know, those Smokey and the Bandit cars that people to this day still want. | ||
| That was in the 70s. | ||
| But from the 1960s, like say 65-ish, To like 70, America couldn't be touched. | ||
| Those muscle cars were insane. | ||
| They just kept pumping out cooler and cooler shapes. | ||
| What did Steve McQueen drive? | ||
| He drove a 1968 Fastback Mustang. | ||
| Is that a bad motherfucker? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How bad of a motherfucker is that car? | ||
| It's a beautiful car. | ||
| The design is... | ||
| The back end of a 68 Mustang is one of the most underrated forms in all of automotive design. | ||
| That's a 68 Shelby. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| That's a GT500. It's a totally different shape. | ||
| The Shelby had a completely different set of rear taillights. | ||
| They had altered quite a bit about the Shelby, like the way it looks in the front end as well. | ||
| This regular 68 Mustang, it just has this beautiful like contoured rear end. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That green car. | ||
| That's like a real modern-looking, updated version of it. | ||
| Real pretty, you know? | ||
| With a phenomenal deep green paint job. | ||
| But look how good that rear looks. | ||
| That's what he drove. | ||
| That's what he drove, motherfucker. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That is Americana, baby. | ||
| Look at the tail end of that fucking vehicle, man, with the chrome and the chrome bumpers and the red headlights and the black behind. | ||
| Look at that fucking car, man. | ||
| No seatbelt. | ||
| Well, they had those ones around your waist. | ||
| Yeah, like in the back. | ||
| You had no seatbelt. | ||
| No, there's no seatbelt in the back. | ||
| You bounced around like a fucking rock back then. | ||
| How many horsepower? | ||
| Not that much! | ||
| Not that much, man. | ||
| A really powerful car back then had like 350 horsepower. | ||
| Like, let's find out. | ||
| What was the 1968 GT500 that was their most powerful one? | ||
| I'm going to imagine this had like 400 horsepower. | ||
| Say 1968, just Shelby GT 500 horsepower. | ||
| 1968 Shelby GT. What they would do is they take it to Carroll Shelby. | ||
| Carol Shelby would take the regular Mustang and just juice it the fuck up. | ||
| More power, better handling, better looks. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| 400. Perfect. | ||
| Now, who were they competing with? | ||
| This is Ford, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were competing against the Camaro at this point because they made a larger car. | ||
| And the Corvette. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| The Corvette was a little bit of a different category because it was a pure sports car where this car had back seats. | ||
| So that's a 400 horsepower. | ||
| So, compared to the Mustang of today, the regular GT, forget about the new one. | ||
| They have a new GT500 that has like 760 horsepower. | ||
| The new GT500 goes zero to 60 in like three seconds. | ||
| It's a monster car. | ||
| Which one were they making for that movie that just came out? | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Ford vs Ferrari. | |
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For the Le Mans. | |
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think that's what it was for. | |
| I think, was that about race cars? | ||
| I didn't see that movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was about, it was Shelby. | |
| It was him making that car, I think. | ||
| Like, they had two weeks to make it or two days to make it. | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| I didn't see the movie. | ||
| Well, probably for the movie they juiced that up, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I thought they were race cars, though. | ||
| I didn't think they were like these kind of cars. | ||
| This is like a GT car. | ||
| I don't know, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess it's the GT500, maybe. | |
| That's what that was for. | ||
| I think it's not even the GT500. I think it's the GT40, which is their race car. | ||
| I'm pretty sure I saw it in the... | ||
| I didn't see the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought you would have known. | |
| I thought you might have saw it. | ||
| I think it's a different GT. I think it's their actual race car, race car. | ||
| But the new one, this Shelby has a new GT500. It's a ridiculous car. | ||
| It's faster around tracks than the new Corvette. | ||
| They have a new Corvette, this crazy rear-engined, mid-engined Corvette. | ||
| It's their newest Corvette. | ||
| It's the best Corvette ever. | ||
| And this GT500 is even faster than that. | ||
| It's bonkers. | ||
| Yeah, GT40. Yeah, it's a different kind of car. | ||
| That's a car that's only for the racetrack. | ||
| These guys, you could buy a Shelby GT500 today. | ||
| You walk out of a dealer's showroom, hi, hi, do you know how to drive? | ||
| Yes, sir, here's my license. | ||
| You don't have to hardly know shit. | ||
| And they'll let you just drive home in one of the most preposterous automobiles ever offered to man. | ||
| You can just go right into a Ford dealership, and if you have the, I'm going to say a Shelby GT500 today, $80,000? | ||
| How much does that cost? | ||
| A brand new Shelby GT500. Wait, I gotta go pee real quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta pee? | |
| Already? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How much does one of those cost? | |
| $72,900. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
760 horsepower. | |
| So, for $72,000, $73,000, you can buy a car that is so fast. | ||
| If you really can know that there's a difference between the speed of that and then the next car after that, the next car that's more powerful, you really should be in jail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's kind of cool. | |
| It has a... | ||
| LCD. Oh, it's dope as fuck. | ||
| Changing cluster for your screens. | ||
| Well, a lot of cars are doing that now because they can get so much more information in front of you instead of just the standard gauges. | ||
| But dude, there's still something about them. | ||
| Standard gauges. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see the Mustang electric car? | |
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not bad. | |
| It's not bad at all. | ||
| It's like a fat Mustang, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's interesting, right? | ||
| They're using the Mustang name for other shit now. | ||
| That's controversial. | ||
| That could cause a problem. | ||
| Why don't I just come up with another name? | ||
| That's not a Mustang. | ||
| You know that's not a Mustang. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's an SUV. Yeah, what about it makes it a Mustang if it's electric? | |
| Right. | ||
| Why are you doing that? | ||
| They're talking about doing that with Corvette, too. | ||
| That Corvette could branch off and become a brand like Cadillac is. | ||
| You know, Cadillac is a brand. | ||
| It's, you know, it's synonymous with luxury. | ||
| You think of Cadillacs, but it's a GM car. | ||
| And if they decide to take the Corvette model and just make it a brand, and so have dope SUVs, like fast, racy SUVs, fast, racy four-door sedans... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, whatever sells cars, man, because... | |
| Did you see that Tesla's now valued as much as GM and Ford together, combined? | ||
| Yeah, whoops, guys. | ||
| Fucking dummies, he's a super genius. | ||
| Just back off. | ||
| It's hilarious, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's still going up today, like... | |
| Guy makes amazing cars. | ||
| He makes amazing fucking cars. | ||
| We're talking about Elon Musk. | ||
| Tesla is worth more today than... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What's the stock? | ||
|
unidentified
|
GM and Ford. | |
| It's over $500 now, but the market value is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're combined. | |
| Yeah, and everybody was saying it was going to fall apart. | ||
| I think it's a beautiful car, guys, but I've got to give it more time. | ||
| Especially the self-driving shit. | ||
| My buddy has the... | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| He's got the electronic one. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The one you plug in. | ||
| Which one, though? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is it Tesla? | ||
| Yeah, that's gorgeous. | ||
| But he was telling me to go to San Diego. | ||
| You gotta stop in Common City and plug it in for 20 minutes and sit there like a bump on a log. | ||
| Yep, you do. | ||
| You know, there's just so many different charging places. | ||
| I took an Uber a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I got into a car that was just amazing that blew me away. | ||
| A fucking Honda Accord Hybrid. | ||
| So they're making everything. | ||
| Accord, they make some nice Accords. | ||
| Accords are beautiful. | ||
| You get in a Honda, you get in a... | ||
| Toyota sometimes. | ||
| Not Toyota as much, but Mitsubishi. | ||
| What's the other one? | ||
| Hyundai. | ||
| When you close the door, there's a lightness in the metal. | ||
| That's where you see the, you know, there's a lightness. | ||
| It closes a certain way. | ||
| When I get in your fucking Porsche and I close it, that makes a certain noise, you know? | ||
| It's a distinct noise. | ||
| You've never been in my little tiny one. | ||
| I got a 1993 964. It's a real light car, but the metal in it is so much thicker. | ||
| Thicker than any metal you've ever used today. | ||
| I like all that. | ||
| This door is like a chunk. | ||
| When you close the door, it's like a chunk. | ||
| You could feel the weight to it. | ||
| You feel when you tap the fenders, too. | ||
| There's no give. | ||
| It's a different structure. | ||
| Totally different. | ||
| So I was blown away even by the Honda Accord Hybrid, you know, what we're paying for gas. | ||
| I mean, it's just a great little car. | ||
| I'm looking at a couple different options. | ||
| I was in Huntington Beach. | ||
| You're thinking about going away from Subaru? | ||
| Adding something to my collection just because... | ||
| You need to get a Cadillac. | ||
| I've always said you need a Cadillac. | ||
| That Cadillac is a badass motherfucker. | ||
| You should be a Cadillac man. | ||
| That dude gave me a ride last week. | ||
| I was in Huntington Beach and I took a special Uber, an Uber special. | ||
| And it was that Cadillac. | ||
| And he told me exactly how he got it. | ||
| What the scam is with them, how to do it. | ||
| He hasn't had a problem. | ||
| The battery died, and that's their main knock. | ||
| The batteries died? | ||
| That one day you wake up, I gotta go to the comedy store, my battery's dead. | ||
| I'll fucking choke you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'll choke you. | ||
| I get in my Subaru, the battery's never dead. | ||
| I wonder if they're more reliable now. | ||
| I don't know anything about them. | ||
| I've never owned one, but I've rented a ton of them. | ||
| Fucking gorgeous. | ||
| That's a beautiful car. | ||
| And when you sit in it, you're tight. | ||
| What model is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
CTS. That's a CTS? CTS-V. Is that what that is? | |
| Yes. | ||
| That's a beautiful fucking car, man. | ||
| Look at that front end. | ||
| The design is just so, it's so interesting. | ||
| After I left here the last time, or the last two times, the guy reached out and said he would give me one. | ||
| You need a Cadillac! | ||
| For $5.60 a month, at least. | ||
| Take it! | ||
| Joey, I want to see you strolling around in a Cadillac. | ||
| I would love it. | ||
| Bumping Biggie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha! | |
| I can't do it. | ||
| And the Subaru I love that I have, but people are like, dog, why are you driving a lesbian car? | ||
| People always say that shit to me. | ||
| And it hurts my feelings. | ||
| Like, why are you driving a lesbian car? | ||
| Dog, it's not a lesbian car. | ||
| It's a fucking Subaru, man. | ||
| You love a reliable car. | ||
| I respect that about you. | ||
| I want to get in the car and start it. | ||
| I don't want to be in service. | ||
| I don't think these things are unreliable anymore. | ||
| You know, I got free service. | ||
| You know, the warranties they give you now are fucking, you know, Volkswagen, which nobody buys. | ||
| Look at that, Joey. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's a Cadillac. | ||
| CTSV. Look at that fucking car. | ||
| Is that the coupe? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that a four-door? | ||
| It's hard to tell because the picture's so dark. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, there's four doors on that. | |
| That's a four-door? | ||
| That's two. | ||
| Yeah, see that little rear window? | ||
| That's not like a full window. | ||
| Wow, that's a beautiful car, man. | ||
| They make some killer... | ||
| You know what's a killer fucking car right now if you want an SUV? A Lincoln Navigator. | ||
| The new one is insane. | ||
| I wonder what happened to Lincoln. | ||
| Are they still in business? | ||
| They only make the Navigator and then they make one or two other luxury coupes. | ||
| Lincoln made some beautiful cars when I was a kid. | ||
| Their cars now are very nice. | ||
| Gorgeous. | ||
| Then they went away. | ||
| The Lincoln Continental was big. | ||
| They sold 10 million of those to limo drivers. | ||
| Then they stopped production on them, so I didn't know what was going on with Lincoln Continental. | ||
| They just tapped out. | ||
| You know what's the shit? | ||
| Is those 1965's with the suicide doors? | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I'm never that bold. | ||
| I could not buy one of those cars. | ||
| You go rolling around in one of those 1965 Lincoln Continentals with the suicide doors, like holy shit. | ||
| What did the Green Hornet drive? | ||
| Did he drive a Continental? | ||
| See what he drove, Jamie. | ||
| He used to get out and open the door sideways for whatever his name was. | ||
| The Black Beauty. | ||
| Chrysler Imperial Crown. | ||
| Beautiful fucking vehicle. | ||
| Let me see a picture of that. | ||
| 1966 Chrysler. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| We're looking at picture one, ladies and gentlemen, that looks like it has machine guns that poke out of the hood. | ||
| That was the Black Beauty. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But I always like the way the doors open. | ||
| That's the car? | ||
| What a fucking car. | ||
| Who made that one? | ||
| No, that's a Resto mod. | ||
| Oh, is that the new Green Hornet? | ||
| Oh, the new one. | ||
| That was the new one with Seth Rogen, right? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't see that one. | ||
| No, I want another one where Bruce Lee drove. | ||
| Ooh, look at that one. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| People don't understand. | ||
| We're a little too young for it, but people don't understand what an impact Bruce Lee had when he was doing the Green Hornet. | ||
| When people saw him do martial arts moves the way he did on screen, people wanted to... | ||
| You have to think about how many people would watch a TV show back then. | ||
| Like, if you had a TV show, there's only like three different things to watch, right? | ||
| Like, if you had a TV show, you had the entire country watching one of three things. | ||
| And if you had a big show like the Green Hornet was... | ||
| The Green Hornet aired on Sunday nights. | ||
| So it was like stealing. | ||
| Yeah, everyone's home. | ||
| You either had Lawrence Welk on fucking Channel 7... | ||
| On ABC. Look at these things. | ||
| 1968. You didn't see this. | ||
| Look at that guy drop. | ||
| And he just traumatized NBC. NBC was traumatized. | ||
| They only did six episodes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look how bad their fucking fight scenes are. | |
| Look at these white guys faking punches. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's hilarious to see like old school bad TV like fight acting. | ||
| Like where you know the punch didn't hit them and their hair goes flying. | ||
| It's so weird! | ||
| Especially because we're not playing any of the volume, so we're just watching it. | ||
| So when you're watching with no volume, you get to really see how preposterous it is. | ||
| How many TV shows did that guy do? | ||
| Bruce Lee? | ||
| No, that Spanish dude did about a thousand episodes of different TV shows from the late 60s all through the 70s. | ||
| Who is he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's the guy that was starring... | ||
| Right there, right there? | ||
| Yeah, that guy. | ||
| Character actors were fucking so huge back then. | ||
| But Bruce Lee came on Sunday nights. | ||
| I still remember driving back from Miami with my family and being pissed because I missed Bruce Lee. | ||
| Then they canceled it. | ||
| You didn't see nothing about Bruce Lee again, bro. | ||
| How long was it between that and the big movies? | ||
| It was about a year and a half that... | ||
| Kung Fu movies were mainstream. | ||
| Five Fingers of Death came out. | ||
| No, yeah, Five Fingers of Death. | ||
| It was all about the iron palm technique. | ||
| The guy would look at you and his palm would turn pink. | ||
| And that started with that. | ||
| And then Fist of Fury came out. | ||
| But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I went to see Fist of Fury in the movie. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| When Chinese Connection came out, that's what changed the ballgame. | ||
| But see, it pisses me off today, you know, when I see fucking people 20 years old talking about the impact of Bruce Lee or whatever. | ||
| First off, let's get this straight. | ||
| Bruce Lee was a tough guy, but he wasn't going to beat Muhammad Ali. | ||
| That was so silly. | ||
| He wasn't going to beat Muhammad Ali. | ||
| He was, you know, whatever. | ||
| Bruce Lee meant that the little guy had hope. | ||
| Bruce Lee gave the immigrant hope. | ||
| You know, that's what all these guys thought. | ||
| Well, Bruce Lee fucking, it changed everybody. | ||
| He put a little bounce in the step. | ||
| He changed martial arts. | ||
| He changed martial arts, but he gave you hope. | ||
| The movie theaters were packed. | ||
| Martial arts schools were packed. | ||
| Black people were going crazy because nobody sucked it anymore. | ||
| Did you see Dolomite yet? | ||
| No, I still haven't seen it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Again, you know, you got to watch these shits if I'm going to come on the show. | ||
| Because when Dolomite, did you see it? | ||
| The new one, you mean the new one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| First of all, our boy stole the show. | ||
| Our boy, the dude who you were going to fuck in MMA. Oh, Wesley Snipes? | ||
| Stole the fucking movie, okay? | ||
| Bad motherfucker. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Bad motherfucker. | ||
| You know, I'm sick and tired of these people going, well, what happened to him? | ||
| Nothing happened to him. | ||
| Well, David Tell. | ||
| What happened to David Tell? | ||
| David Tell is getting stronger every week while you're looking at some fucking idiot jumping up and down on Netflix. | ||
| David Tell is getting stronger and stronger. | ||
| When you go see David Tell, it's like people going crazy right now about Uncut Gems. | ||
| Adam Sandler's been around for 30 years. | ||
| He's got something for your ass. | ||
| It may not be goofy, jumping up and down and wetting you, but when he did... | ||
| Have you seen Uncle John's? | ||
| I heard it's great. | ||
| Just go for him, to cheer him on, to go, you know what? | ||
| Thank God. | ||
| Because people think that we're like fucking mooks as comics. | ||
| I'll hit you from fucking 90 different directions. | ||
| You could just act, bitch. | ||
| We could do it all. | ||
| And when we get 30 years under our belt... | ||
| We become weapons, like Jimmy Smith, like all these people that have been doing it for 30-plus fucking years. | ||
| Eventually, you're going to get fucking good at it. | ||
| So, you know, I still didn't see the Tarantino movie. | ||
| I saw The Joker. | ||
| Tarantino movie's amazing. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| I won't say it out of disrespect for Bruce Lee. | ||
| I saw The Joker. | ||
| I just don't even want to go there with nobody. | ||
| I'm not in the mood. | ||
| If he didn't fucking live through it, I don't want to hear his fucking take on it. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| It disrespected Shannon, so it means it disrespected me. | ||
| You disrespected my fucking pal, and now you know. | ||
| I don't even know Shannon Lee. | ||
| But if a bunch of these people got fired up, I watched The Joker. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| The Joker was intense. | ||
| I liked The Joker. | ||
| It was intense. | ||
| I saw Uncut Gems. | ||
| During the break, I went to Christmas night. | ||
| My fucking girls went to sleep, so I slid over to the Lemley, ate three edibles, and my heart was beating with that fucking, because that movie, Joey Diaz, 83 to 84. Whatever you want to do, we're going to do. | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| Joe Rogan, listen, I got something coming next week. | ||
| Let me get 20 G's till next week. | ||
| There ain't no next week. | ||
| Jamie, don't say nothing to Rogan. | ||
| I need 10 to fucking put this number in. | ||
| And it just goes. | ||
| Think of your life from there. | ||
| You're borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and then you're telling Jesus to suck your dick. | ||
| It's non-stop. | ||
| People were like, don't get high and go see it. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I'm going deep to go see it. | ||
| I prepared like an 8 o'clock. | ||
| Who's in that? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Who's in it? | ||
| Just Adam Sandler and a bunch of fucking whatevers. | ||
| It's just a movie. | ||
| Oh, the basketball player that you don't know. | ||
| Kevin Garnett. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it's nonstop. | ||
| So it's mostly Sandler. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| Bumping into, oh, what happened to my 30? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I'll catch you next week. | ||
| I gotta go. | ||
| Yeah, you motherfuck... | ||
| You know, it's fucking constant. | ||
| It's, you know, that life. | ||
| And then... | ||
| Is it an Academy Award winner? | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| You know, I took it home. | ||
| I wore it for a couple days. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Is anything in a fucking Academy Award winner anymore? | ||
| I watched The Irishman. | ||
| You didn't see it yet either, so again, you go skiing for three hours. | ||
| What do you do on these flights? | ||
| You look at Ian Edwards, wait for him to go to sleep, and you go to sleep, you're fucked. | ||
| That's when I watch these three-hour movies. | ||
| I can't watch them at home. | ||
| I got a seven-year-old. | ||
| So you just watch them on flights? | ||
| On flights, I try to write. | ||
| Sometimes I've come up with some of my best bits while writing. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's after the movie. | ||
| It's a five hour and 51 minute flight. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| So I usually do a little, you know, I listen to music, I get tuned up, I eat whatever they give me. | ||
| I fucking put the movie on and I got the notebook right on the iPad. | ||
| So if something comes to me, you tighten it up and then you got the whole night that night in your hotel room. | ||
| But no, I like the Irishman. | ||
| Do you write on your iPad? | ||
| Yeah, lately. | ||
| Do you write on the screen or do you have one of those detachable keyboards? | ||
| I have the keyboard with the screen and I just type like I'm usually. | ||
| So that's where I put the final product now. | ||
| So now I have a notebook still where I fuck around and put different stupid ideas. | ||
| And then once the joke works, I put it on the iPad now and now I can add tags to it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It's not like I used to before, so now I have. | ||
| But you're just typing on the iPad screen, just like a phone, right? | ||
| You don't have a keyboard that you attach to? | ||
| No, I have a keyboard. | ||
| Oh, you have a separate keyboard? | ||
| It closes, yeah. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| The Apple one with the big screen. | ||
| Yes, okay. | ||
| It saved my life. | ||
| The best thing that ever happened. | ||
| When you do that, it's basically like a little laptop. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| No Twitter. | ||
| No Facebook. | ||
| No nothing. | ||
| I got YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, and that writing app. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's for the hotel room. | ||
| That's good for your hat, right? | ||
| Friday night, nobody fuck you. | ||
| If you Facebook me on Friday night and I'm on the road, you gotta suck my dick. | ||
| Twitter, the same thing. | ||
| I don't want to look at it on the road. | ||
| That's a distraction. | ||
| So on the road, I don't want to do podcasts. | ||
| I don't want to do nothing. | ||
| I want to lift a little bit, maybe go to a fucking local kickboxing school and do a workout. | ||
| But I want to focus on that riding. | ||
| Not six hours worth. | ||
| I ain't no fucking Hemingway. | ||
| Just to make little adjustments from the night before. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Well, you know, you got this time when you're on the road and you can use it in a way that's going to help you. | ||
| It can be beneficial. | ||
| Or you can just use it. | ||
| One of two things, right? | ||
| You gotta figure out what's optimal for you when you're on the road. | ||
| For me, I always have better sets when I work out. | ||
| You have to work out. | ||
| Always. | ||
| You have to work out. | ||
| I don't like that weird fog that I feel when I fly into somewhere and then I just get ready for the show. | ||
| I'm like, God, it's fucking... | ||
| There's something about, like, it's hard to get everything going, but if you just get on an elliptical machine for 20 minutes, just listen to some good music, and just say, there's no option. | ||
| You have to do this. | ||
| Just fucking do this. | ||
| Once 10 minutes gets going, then you're sweating, you're having a good time. | ||
| Then you're fine. | ||
| Then you're good for 40 minutes or more. | ||
| We've been friends for 23 years. | ||
| You've been taking me on the road for 20 of those years. | ||
| We could not do what we were doing 20 years on the road today. | ||
| Not because I'm not calling you out, because you have children, you have a wife, You have a thousand other responsibilities. | ||
| So Tuesdays and Wednesdays are out. | ||
| Yeah, you can't do those shows anymore. | ||
| And Sunday's out, too. | ||
| Sunday's out, too. | ||
| It's also, it's like, you can get a lot out of that when you're in those early stages like we were, when we were learning how to do the road. | ||
| There's a lot you get out of those Wednesday through Sunday weekends, weeks. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because by Friday, you want to stab yourself in the throat from saying the same jokes. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So you wake up Saturday morning and you run like a motherfucker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because Saturday you got three shows. | ||
| Remember, we went through this three-show pattern. | ||
| Three on Saturdays. | ||
| You were the one that said to me, we're not doing midnights no more. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the law of diminishing returns. | ||
| You don't even know what joke you fucking said by midnight. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Even if you stayed sober. | ||
| You didn't smoke then. | ||
| We were sobers, judges. | ||
| You still out there. | ||
| You're like, did I fucking say this bit? | ||
| So that's just a burnout. | ||
| That's the law of diminishing returns. | ||
| Sundays... | ||
| People are tired. | ||
| They don't have the same reaction on Sunday. | ||
| You and I were never tired then. | ||
| But there was no children involved. | ||
| There was no serious girlfriends involved. | ||
| There was not a lot of... | ||
| The podcast wasn't involved. | ||
| There was a lot of different things then. | ||
| Now, my schedule has to be this. | ||
| You want me to tell you something? | ||
| I could fucking take the Friday flight to LA. I could take the Friday six-hour flight at 6 a.m., land in Kennedy at 2, and be at Town Hall ready to go at 8. But do I really want to do that? | ||
| Do I need to do that? | ||
| No. | ||
| So I'll take this at 6 a.m. | ||
| on Thursday, get to New York at 2, take a little nap. | ||
| At 4, go downstairs, do the elliptical, get two five pounds, shadow boxing, 10 minutes, because ain't nothing better for you than shadow boxing. | ||
| Breaks a tremendous sweat, a couple of upper jabs. | ||
| You go upstairs. | ||
| You're also moving. | ||
| You're bangling out in the shower. | ||
| You get yourself up and you go for a nice steak. | ||
| And you get to see the town. | ||
| And then I do what I learned from my brother Joe Rogan. | ||
| You leave a fucking huge tip so when they go out for employee night, the word gets out that Joe Rogan in town. | ||
| Friday morning you wake up, the show's sold out. | ||
| I don't even have to go do radio. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's the plan. | ||
| And then you get up Friday and you go to a local kickboxing school. | ||
| How cool is that? | ||
| And they're looking at you like, Mr. Hogan, are you sure? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm doing the class. | ||
| I want to meet a few people. | ||
| You get more out of that than anything. | ||
| They talk to you. | ||
| They bust your balls a little bit, but then you get an Uber set to pick you up. | ||
| And you go back to the hotel and you actually got out and you were social before the show. | ||
| Now I could go back to that hotel room and sit in there for six hours and dig it. | ||
| You write for one. | ||
| You're throwing episodes of The Sopranos on for one. | ||
| You draw an episode or something else, then you go back to writing. | ||
| Maybe you take a nap, take a nice 20-minute shower, do a 7 o'clock show. | ||
| In case you sell out, you do the second show. | ||
| But if not, you're back in your room at 10.30. | ||
| A little room service. | ||
| You throw on a movie you haven't seen. | ||
| You eat an edible. | ||
| You're up at 5. You're at the airport at 6. You're back at LAX at 9. I want to see this documentary. | ||
| Sounds perfect. | ||
| That's what works for me now for me to be most effective. | ||
| You know, I could be a Gavone and go out there on Wednesdays, but by Saturday, I'm not going to be a good comic. | ||
| Yeah, I think we still put in the reps and putting the reps in town. | ||
| It's just about reps. | ||
| You know, as many reps as you can get. | ||
| The thing about The Road when you're doing those Wednesday through Sundays is that you're getting long reps. | ||
| You're getting like hour sets every show. | ||
| Which is great, too. | ||
| I mean, I'm not... | ||
| I think... | ||
| For me, as a... | ||
| Where we're at now, I want to give them 150% of every show. | ||
| Last night I went to the comedy store and I got two dick suckings right out of the way. | ||
| I mean, I sucked a bag of dick in the main room, and then I took that same original room and sucked another bag of dicks. | ||
| But I wanted to try new materials. | ||
| See, I was failing in the past. | ||
| I was going to all these other clubs and going, let me not... | ||
| Let me not try shit at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Listen, you bring everything to the chapel at the Comedy Store. | ||
| And let the pieces fall where they may. | ||
| It's 15 to get in. | ||
| You do know that. | ||
| And they're going to see 22 comics. | ||
| And they're going to see 22 comics that headline all over the world. | ||
| Yeah, so suck my dick. | ||
| I'm going to go up there and give you 150%. | ||
| But I'm going to go up there and try new shit. | ||
| Last night I was talking about that. | ||
| We've all as men at one time or another metooed somebody. | ||
| That's how you learn not to be a metooer. | ||
| Is by me tooing somebody one time. | ||
| And then you go, that wasn't right. | ||
| And then I'll never me too again. | ||
| For me, I was... | ||
| That's a weird adjective. | ||
| Oh, and I started out with it. | ||
| I opened up with it to really put myself in the fucking hole of debt. | ||
| Is that an adverb? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Me tooing? | ||
| Is it a verb? | ||
| If you me-too somebody? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It has to be an adverb, yeah. | |
| The only way you learn how to not be a me-tooer is by me-tooing. | ||
| You shoplifted candy when you were a kid, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And your mother told you, smack me, she goes, that's not right. | ||
| Same thing with me-tooing. | ||
| This L.A. is a fucking... | ||
| Me Too was invented here. | ||
| They fucked Marilyn Monroe to death. | ||
| They fucked her to death. | ||
| Her vaginal thing looked like fucking that fucking embassy in Tehran, whatever they bombed. | ||
| What was that famous Fatty Arbuckle case where there was a... | ||
| This is disgusting people out here. | ||
| Between the Bikram documentary, did you see that one? | ||
| I didn't see that, yeah. | ||
| That filthy fucking animal getting women to suck that fucking 90 degree weather, six yoga session dick. | ||
| That's just cruelty to animals. | ||
| You could put you in jail for just sucking that dick. | ||
| You know, Harvey, all that shit happens here. | ||
| But as us, as men, We've all metooed somebody when you were a kid by mistake. | ||
| To me, I was in love with this lady named Faye. | ||
| She was 37, had big juicy tits. | ||
| She'd wear hot pants. | ||
| I was about 14. I had never even seen a vagina. | ||
| No titties, nothing. | ||
| And we used to play basketball, and our two dogs were blind. | ||
| She had French poodles. | ||
| And she had flip-flops, and she'd cross the street. | ||
| And she was so hot. | ||
| She was 38, and she had a husband that was like 60. He would just barely be alive like that dude from Texas that was fucking out of the cold. | ||
| And he would watch her, because he knew we were savage, so we were going to take her down. | ||
| She had two daughters, and the daughters were badass. | ||
| But one of my Goombas dated one of the daughters. | ||
| I never told them. | ||
| Every time I played basketball, Faye would come out and the game would just stop. | ||
| And she turned for us and the sun would shine through a halter. | ||
| Remember halter tops in the 70s? | ||
| And she had real yummy titties with the nipples sticking up. | ||
| And it drove me crazy. | ||
| I was 13, 14. I lived through that. | ||
| I'd see her in the winter with pants on. | ||
| She looked delicious. | ||
| And finally, summer of fucking 79, I'm getting all fucked up with some friends of mine. | ||
| We're drinking fucking nips. | ||
| We snorted some angel dust. | ||
| And we're listening to Led Zeppelin 2. If you're gonna fuck anybody, Led Zeppelin 2 is the album to get you... | ||
| It starts off with a whole lot of love. | ||
| That just gets your hips moving. | ||
| And then it goes into the lemon song. | ||
| And he's talking about squeeze me, baby, till the juice runs down my leg. | ||
| I'm like, that's it. | ||
| The juice is running down my leg tonight. | ||
| My mother was a flower chick. | ||
| She had flowers everywhere. | ||
| I put on like a shirt. | ||
| I swear to God, it had to be about 10. Because she would walk the dog at night, but the husband was 60. How old were you at the time? | ||
| 15. The dog would sleep. | ||
| The husband would pass out by 8. So she would take the dogs out for the 10 o'clock. | ||
| The last, she would put them down and, you know, they were kind of blind French poodles. | ||
| And she would still wear the fucking tighty-whities. | ||
| You know, the Dixie Dukes. | ||
| Daisy Dukes. | ||
| This was in the 70s before Daisy even was invented. | ||
| She already had the Daisy on with the shirt. | ||
| And I remember being on that angel does hide in the weeds. | ||
| Like fucking, like fucking, and with the flowers. | ||
| I had flowers for her. | ||
| I was going to bring her flowers. | ||
| But my plan was to attack her. | ||
| Like, just jump her in the thing, throw it down, and get with the flowers. | ||
| This is how crazy that was. | ||
| You were going to attack her. | ||
| Like, I couldn't take it no more. | ||
| Like, I wanted to marry her. | ||
| Like, that's how fucked up I was. | ||
| And you were on Angel Dust. | ||
| And I was on Angel Dust. | ||
| It was whatever. | ||
| T.C. Crystal. | ||
| Call it what you want. | ||
| It's animal tranquilizer. | ||
| No matter how you look at it. | ||
| And I remember that I ran up on her, and she turned. | ||
| And she goes, Coco, what's going on? | ||
| And I just stopped, and I go, Faye, I'm in love with you. | ||
| And she's like, what are you talking about? | ||
| And I'm like, Faye, I've been in love with you for two years. | ||
| I want to run off with you. | ||
| Fuck my mother. | ||
| I'm like, let's get a job. | ||
| Let's leave. | ||
| And she's looking at me like I was retarded. | ||
| First off, she's looking at me like, this kid is fucking snapped. | ||
| And she goes, you've been drinking. | ||
| I'm like, I still love you. | ||
| Take the flowers. | ||
| And she goes, I'll tell you what, if I divorce my husband, I'll consider it. | ||
| And I was like, okay, I can live with that. | ||
| Can I give you a kiss? | ||
| And I kissed her on the cheek, and I could feel the heat going up my head. | ||
| And finally, as I went to turn away, I looked at her legs. | ||
| She had the juiciest legs in the world. | ||
| I go, can I touch your thigh? | ||
| And she goes, go ahead, Joe Rogan. | ||
| I touched like her kneecap. | ||
| And my dick just exploded with sperm. | ||
| I ran away like Steven Seagal. | ||
| You ever see Steven Seagal run? | ||
| He runs like a fucking retard. | ||
| Put that little limp. | ||
| You ever see Steven Seagal run? | ||
| There's a couple... | ||
| You ever see him run in fucking... | ||
| He runs very strange. | ||
| He's very tall. | ||
| What's the first one he did? | ||
| That's really good. | ||
| Above the law. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at how he runs. | ||
| He runs like a fucking retard. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Can you imagine... | ||
| He's just built odd. | ||
| He's just really tall. | ||
| He does run a little loose with the hands, which is kind of confusing. | ||
| Which one was this one? | ||
| That's above the law. | ||
| I think it's cutting all the things. | ||
| Oh, it's a bunch of different movies now because now he's got more hair. | ||
| Right, because people goof on him because of the way he runs. | ||
| He was married to Kelly LeBrock, dog, at one time. | ||
| Dude, at one time he was the man. | ||
| How many times did I jerk off to Kelly LeBrock in Woman in Red? | ||
| When Gene Wilder calls for her. | ||
| This is what it is. | ||
| His steps are too short, and his wrists flip around. | ||
| Because he's used to doing Aikido, right? | ||
| He's used to like, everything's like flowing. | ||
| Please, don't protect him with the Aikidos. | ||
| I'm just saying, that's what it is. | ||
| He runs like I have a fruitcake. | ||
| Don't throw Aikido in there. | ||
| Those Japanese people worked 3,000 years to put Aikido on the map. | ||
| And now you're going to set them back. | ||
| That poor Aikido school in Burbank has moved eight times. | ||
| They keep losing students. | ||
| They're down to two students wearing a schmock and a fucking sword. | ||
| Who's going to go for Aikido lessons now? | ||
| Someone who doesn't really want to fight, and you want to be able to passively get someone away from you, which is not realistic. | ||
| But the sword part! | ||
| The sword part could come up if shit hits the fan, if we go back and, you know, if we get knocked into the Stone Age for a nuclear war with Russia. | ||
| Why don't you give me this ear beat? | ||
| No, I need to join again. | ||
| No! | ||
| You need to learn how to dodge sticks. | ||
| Yeah, they moved. | ||
| They're in Burbank. | ||
| When I was a kid, I went to Aikido for about two weeks. | ||
| It's probably fun. | ||
| The guy's name was Richard Bowe. | ||
| He was supposed to be a big time in Guttenberg, New Jersey. | ||
| And he taught all that deflection stuff. | ||
| But Steven Seagal in Above the Law took it to a different level. | ||
| That throat slam, he's got the deflection throat slam. | ||
| That's fucking beautiful. | ||
| I had a meeting with a guy in a in a movie. | ||
| There's this like my agent sent me in to meet with this guy. | ||
| They were looking for someone to do like a Steven Seagal type movie. | ||
| They were looking to they were going to try to create an action star. | ||
| And we actually had like an argument about this movie. | ||
| That move right there. | ||
| Oh, that pulls his throat out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's when it got carried away. | |
| That's when he just went over the top. | ||
| But in the first movie, in Above the Law, and the one when he fucked up the Jamaicans. | ||
| Oh yeah, which one was that? | ||
| With swords, sword fights. | ||
| And then Hard to Kill, that's the one that pissed me off. | ||
| You're in a coma for four years and two days later you're throwing sidekicks. | ||
| Yeah, and he's putting acupuncture needles all over himself and he fixes himself. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I loved it! | ||
| I loved it too. | ||
| I loved him too. | ||
| The thing about him, man, is I think in that first movie, it was one of the more unique martial arts movies. | ||
| Like, Above the Law, it's almost a shame that he made a bunch of movies that weren't as good, because if you go back to Above the Law, in terms of martial arts history, and Above the Law is a legitimate... | ||
| The historical movie in terms of martial arts movies. | ||
| Because it was the first movie where you got to see a real Aikido practitioner with a hybridized system of martial arts. | ||
| Like he was doing Aikido, but he was also throwing a lot of punches and knife hand strikes and a lot of strikes. | ||
| See if they showed the bodega scene and above the law. | ||
| But just play this out. | ||
| This guy, look, all the bullshit. | ||
| I mean, I've made fun of him as much as anybody. | ||
| But listen, his Aikido skills were very legit. | ||
| He was very legit. | ||
| Whether or not that stuff's real or not, that's a subject for debate. | ||
| Whether or not it's really effective when you look at other things like wrestling and jujitsu. | ||
| Is it the most effective way to grow? | ||
| Or judo? | ||
| Is it the most effective way? | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| But no one knew that back then. | ||
| And he, at the time, in the 1980s and 90s, was a world-class martial artist. | ||
| He just had a style that ultimately didn't really prove to be the best style. | ||
| But so did I. I was doing Tiger. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is hard to kill. | ||
| A lot of people were doing kung fu. | ||
| A lot of people were doing things that they thought were legit, but they really, once the UFC came around, we found out, oh, this is not the best way to do it. | ||
| Now, this is 87. There's a kid in this scene that was just in the movie with Clint Eastwood, the mule. | ||
| He's been doing movies for fucking 30 years. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| That dude with the tattoos. | ||
| How many fucking movies has he been a bad guy in? | ||
| Right there. | ||
| The second guy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That guy's in every fucking bad guy movie. | ||
| Every movie. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Who is he? | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| He used to live in Vegas, I heard. | ||
| He had some restaurant in Vegas. | ||
| I'm not even sure. | ||
| I love a good shitty drama. | ||
| A good shitty cop drama. | ||
| I love going back and watching some 1990s cop dramas. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| Kojak. | ||
| Oh, Kojak. | ||
| I remember Kojak. | ||
| With the lollipop at the end. | ||
| How about Beretta? | ||
| Beretta. | ||
| How about that fucking... | ||
| You know which one was good, bro, that they gotta bring back? | ||
| What? | ||
| Wise guy. | ||
| What was wise guy? | ||
| The good-looking dude with the fucking... | ||
| He was undercover with the mafia, but he really was a cop from the CIA. Like a Donnie Brasco type situation? | ||
| He was a really good-looking dude. | ||
| Really a good-looking dude. | ||
| This is it right here? | ||
| He fucked people up. | ||
| No, this is a movie. | ||
| Wiseguy was a TV series. | ||
| Robert Wall, Robert, good-looking dude. | ||
| He came out with Paul Newman in Fort Apache, the Bronx. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Wiseguy, the TV series. | ||
| What am I looking at here, Jamie? | ||
| Oh, that guy. | ||
| I remember that guy. | ||
| Yeah, you remember that dude. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Who was that dude? | ||
| Does it say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Not there. | ||
| See, go to just a regular search of it instead of watching the video of it. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| There were so many of these. | ||
| Remember Wings? | ||
| Wings. | ||
| And Jam Michael Vincent was on Wings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Was he? | ||
| Sure, that's the one that put them all over the top. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Wings was the TV show. | ||
| On NBC. Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jan Michael Vincent wasn't in Wings. | ||
| Jan Michael Vincent was in some show about fuck Ken Wall. | ||
| Ken Wall. | ||
| Jan Michael Vincent was in some movie about a TV show about pilots in the air that hunted you down on CBS. | ||
| That's when he went fucking. | ||
| That's when he went crazy? | ||
| That's when he went crazy. | ||
| He went crazy straight from the mechanic. | ||
| I think it was Fame that probably did that guy in, right? | ||
| Fame and drugs. | ||
| No, it was alcoholism. | ||
| The alcoholism. | ||
| But a lot of that was probably to deal with Fame. | ||
| Airwolf. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Airwolf. | |
| Airwolf, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Four seasons. | ||
| That guy in The Mechanic, if you go back to the original Charles Bronson version of The Mechanic, he was slated to be the next big superstar. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He did a movie for Disney with Kurt Russell called The World's Greatest Athlete. | ||
| And right there, he fucked things up. | ||
| He was a Disney guy first. | ||
| You don't remember The World's Greatest Athlete? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He went to pick up the weights and his arms stretched. | ||
| Him and fucking, that was his first movie. | ||
| It was a Disney movie. | ||
| And then he went on to become Jan Michael and the mechanic. | ||
| Look, yeah, look at him, dog. | ||
| He was handsome. | ||
| Dog, he was the first Brad Pitt. | ||
| He was. | ||
| Look how gripped he is, too. | ||
| He was the original Brad Pitt. | ||
| Look at this science fiction where he's out sprinting black guys. | ||
| This is a science fiction movie. | ||
| This is a science fiction movie. | ||
| Well, this is why he was the world's greatest athlete. | ||
| With beautiful hair, this white guy is out sprinting. | ||
| Everyone else looks like they're straight out of Jamaica. | ||
| Right out of the Jamaica track team. | ||
| This is a ridiculous film. | ||
| Look how much further he is ahead than those guys who you know would beat him in a real race. | ||
| Even the black people cheering for him. | ||
| Even the brothers cheering for him. | ||
| He did look fucking fantastic back then, though. | ||
| Like, look what kind of shape that guy was in. | ||
| Look at the guy from Good Times, Howard. | ||
| This is a great movie. | ||
| This is one of his first movies that blew him up. | ||
| Then he got the mechanic and fucking... | ||
| That's how they're killing people today. | ||
| How about Good Times? | ||
| The TV show? | ||
| Remember that fucking show? | ||
| I saw her in an audition about 15 years ago. | ||
| Luanda, the neighbor. | ||
| I told her I fucking loved you when I was a kid. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| And she still looked good. | ||
| She was the neighbor lady, not the skinny daughter. | ||
| Pull up the cast of Good Times? | ||
| Dude, this show, J.J. Walker, still to this day, is known for one saying, dynamite. | ||
| And he won't say it unless you give him three grand. | ||
| Remember clubs are giving him $1,500 a week, and he's like, you want me to say dynamite? | ||
| Yeah, but give me the names of everybody. | ||
| Just go to all... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that fucking show. | ||
| 1974. First episode. | ||
| This was a show like every... | ||
| That was interesting, right? | ||
| It was because... | ||
| Janet Jackson as a little girl. | ||
| There was quite a few, even though there wasn't that many television shows, there was quite a few... | ||
| Big name black shows. | ||
| Sanford and Son, Good Times, The Jeffersons. | ||
| Like during that era, even though there weren't that many TV shows, there was quite a few. | ||
| What was the basketball show? | ||
| Oh, The White Shadow. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| Yeah, The White Shadow. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| Yeah, I forgot about that show. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, to this day, Sanford and Son is one of the best sitcoms of all time. | ||
| There's some fucking episodes of Sanford and Son that I'll listen to or I'll watch rather to this day and I'll still laugh at Red Fox. | ||
| He is so fucking raw and I wish network television would look at that and go, it's time for us to take the sticks out of our ass again. | ||
| They can't. | ||
| They're stuck. | ||
| Well, somebody has to do it first. | ||
| It's just gonna be their own demise. | ||
| We're comedians. | ||
| You're a comedian. | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| I try real hard. | ||
| This was our early education. | ||
| This couldn't have been a better education than watching. | ||
| And here we're watching... | ||
| Remember, we're watching Paul Mooney write these lines. | ||
| Paul Mooney was one of the writers on this. | ||
| So we had Richard Pryor on one hand. | ||
| But then you had this sick fuck. | ||
| He hated Puerto Ricans. | ||
| I don't want no Puerto Ricans in my house. | ||
| He hated Julio the neighbor. | ||
| He hated Julio the neighbor. | ||
| You know, America... | ||
| This was Friday nights, and then it was followed by Chico in the matter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You know? | ||
| Freddie Prince. | ||
| CBS had their answer of fucking... | ||
| of Archie Bunker, which will never happen again. | ||
| Every year they try to do a different Archie Bunker. | ||
| They're never going to do it because it's not coming from the heart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can't sell it like he did. | ||
| That... | ||
| He does a scene when Sammy Davis Jr. has to kiss him. | ||
| Like, there's a scene of fucking... | ||
| When Sammy Davis... | ||
| What was the actor's name again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Carol... | |
| Carol O'Connor. | ||
| Carol O'Connor. | ||
| He grabbed Carol O'Connor and kissed him in the fucking lips. | ||
| That, you know... | ||
| So many different... | ||
| Yeah, right here. | ||
| All this shit. | ||
| You know what's crazy? | ||
| Carol O'Connor was like a great actor, an actor for his whole life, but he's known for sure more than anything for being Archie Bunker. | ||
| Right here, look at his face. - Yeah, like it was supposed to be funny that Archie Bunker was racist. | ||
| And by the way, just for the record, everybody always thought he was a black Jew. | ||
| You better throw Cuban in there too. | ||
| His mother was Cuban, Sammy Davis Jr. Really? | ||
| Yeah, his mother was Cuban, Afro-Cuban. | ||
| Now look at everyone laughing at him because Sammy Davis Jr. kissed him and he freaked out. | ||
| Look at everyone laughing at him. | ||
| You could, like, gay jokes, black jokes, white jokes, Puerto Rican jokes, they talk shit about everybody on that show. | ||
| You go back in TV now 10 years, and you're going to see the difference. | ||
| You go back in film, and there's some films that right off the start, they're offensive. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| In today's world, they're very offensive. | ||
| I just saw something that was on, like, regular TV, and me and my wife were like, this wouldn't fly today. | ||
| It was just something that was on like at 9 o'clock. | ||
| It wouldn't fly. | ||
| Well, what about Ace Ventura, Pet Detective? | ||
| It was all about a guy who was trans. | ||
| A guy who was cross-dressing at the very least, like pretending to be a girl, but it turns out to be a guy the whole time. | ||
| And everyone's disgusted because they had kissed him thinking it was a girl. | ||
| So everyone's throwing up. | ||
| Like, you would never be able to do that today. | ||
| It would be transphobic. | ||
| People would freak out. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's that pretty lady who was in a bunch of movies back then but then just like went off the rails. | ||
| Sean Young. | ||
| Do you remember her? | ||
| She was in Blade Runner. | ||
| She was the beautiful young robot in Blade Runner. | ||
| She was in a bunch of movies, man. | ||
| But then she just went off the rails. | ||
| She's one of those Jen Michael Vincent type characters for a bit, I think. | ||
| Well, just the pressure of it all was just too much. | ||
| So this is the scene at the end of it. | ||
| Is that Courtney Cox with the gun? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And there's Sean Young. | ||
| That's that lady. | ||
| And so we find out in this scene that he's really or she's really a guy. | ||
| Or, I don't get it. | ||
| Or she's... | ||
| How do you say it today? | ||
| Back then you would say it's a guy pretending to be a girl. | ||
| But you don't say that anymore. | ||
| Now you say what? | ||
| She's trans? | ||
| But we're supposed to believe that she's got a giant hog under there. | ||
| Where's the scene? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does this take forever? | |
| Yeah, he's got to lead up to it. | ||
| He's explaining everything to them. | ||
| So he tells them all that that's a guy. | ||
| So this is like some bad guy that they've been looking for. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the famous kicker for the Miami Dolphins. | |
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| And he's angry because he fucked up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, all these cops know about this one game. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| There's the part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So she's supposed to have it tucked in right there. | |
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or something. | |
| And they all flip around. | ||
| And Tone looks in there too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's Captain Winky. | |
| Now he's gonna turn her around so everybody can see that she's got a hog. | ||
| Turn around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happens here? | |
| Yeah, because it's the big reveal. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look at them all throw up. | ||
| Everyone's throwing up! | ||
| Tone Loke is cleaning his tongue up. | ||
| The dolphin's throwing up. | ||
| Everyone's throwing up because they saw a woman with a dick. | ||
| So let me ask you a question. | ||
| A couple weeks ago, Disney Plus premiered. | ||
| Two days later, people were throwing fits. | ||
| What do you want them to do to go back and take all this shit out of these old movies? | ||
| Well, that's a good question. | ||
| Is that what you want? | ||
| Do you ever go to Disneyland? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| You know that one ride? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Splash Mountain? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That Splash Mountain ride is based on a movie that you can't even watch anymore. | ||
| It was a really racist movie. | ||
| Well, Disney was racist, was he not? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Somebody said Disney. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But this Splash Mountain, it's called The Song of the South. | ||
| That was the movie. | ||
| And from what year is that, Jamie? | ||
| 1946. 1946. Bro, people were different animals back then. | ||
| We're not even the same species. | ||
| What about the lady... | ||
| Who sang the national anthem at the Yankees. | ||
| Somebody found out that 30 years before that. | ||
| You didn't know about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| You gotta look this up. | ||
| She sang songs that were like totally racist, like spooky, get out of town. | ||
| Like shit like this. | ||
| Please look it up right now. | ||
| She sang the national anthem? | ||
| Right now. | ||
| So two ball fields took her version of the national anthem down. | ||
| You had to read the shit. | ||
| She was here. | ||
| Kate Smith's God Bless America out at Yankee Stadium over racist songs. | ||
| Listen to the song she sang. | ||
| Who's Kate Smith? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some fucking fat chick from 1920. 1931 song? | |
| Yeah, that's why darkies were born. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| She sang this in 1931? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How old is this bitch? | ||
| Is she still alive? | ||
| It's like the recording of God Bless America from back then that they used to just play during the middle of the day. | ||
| Right, she sang that, but when did she... | ||
|
unidentified
|
When she was recorded in 1930-something. | |
| But when did she sing the national anthem? | ||
| No, no, it's the God Bless America is what they're talking about here. | ||
| Okay, but when did she sing God Bless America? | ||
|
unidentified
|
1929, 1930-something, I don't know, back then. | |
| But she also sang a song called That's Why Darkies Are Born. | ||
| I was confused. | ||
| I was thinking that you were saying that she sang it at the stadium. | ||
| Listen to the lyrics. | ||
| Someone had to pick cotton, someone had to pick the corn, someone had to be a slave, and somebody had to sing. | ||
| That's why darkies were born. | ||
| That, you know... | ||
| I mean, all these things... | ||
| The song, which has been called a satirical take on racism, was a big hit for Smith and also was recorded by Paul Robeson. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| So she wrote and sang God Bless America. | ||
| So the version that you would hear, like, God bless America... | ||
| She sang it. | ||
| So it recorded it. | ||
| So the version that you would hear would be back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| See, that's a... | ||
| That's why she gets weird. | ||
| You know, there's been a lot of great people over the years that have had some horrible ideas. | ||
| So you have to wonder, like, if we just cut out the guy... | ||
| I mean, how many different people who have invented incredible things that we use all the time were also really shitty human beings? | ||
| You know about that Fritz Haber guy. | ||
| He created this method to extract nitrogen from the atmosphere. | ||
| And then you use it as fertilizer. | ||
| Because the air, apparently you think of the air as oxygen. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Most of what you're breathing in, most of what our air is, is 80-something percent nitrogen. | ||
| And so this guy figured out a way how to extract nitrogen from the air, and because of that, population boomed. | ||
| Because we had more food. | ||
| Because they could lay down more... | ||
| More fertilizer. | ||
| So he did something good. | ||
| Yeah, but he also invented gas. | ||
| He was the first guy to propose and implement a poison gas strategy against Europe. | ||
| When they were – when the UK and when the – whatever the whole group in – I guess it was World War I or II where they did that. | ||
| I want to say it's two, right? | ||
| Is it two? | ||
| Whatever war it was in, they were the first people to get... | ||
| So this guy, who had created the Haber method for extracting nitrogen, at the same time was wanted for war crimes because he figured out how to gas the enemy. | ||
| And he was working for the Nazis and he was a Jew. | ||
| The whole thing is crazy. | ||
| It gets even crazier. | ||
| They eventually start imprisoning Jews and kick them out of the country, and he's still there. | ||
| And so he eventually winds up leaving. | ||
| His tale is fucking crazy. | ||
| But that guy also invented the same gas they used to gas the... | ||
| Gas the Jews in concentration camps. | ||
| He invented it, but he invented it with a smell to it so you could detect it. | ||
| And they were going to use it as like, I think it was a pesticide or something like that. | ||
| You're talking about a monster here. | ||
| He's a chemist. | ||
| Like John Lennon. | ||
| He wrote Benny and the Jets, but he smacked Yoko. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| He's a monster, but he's one of the... | ||
| That's a monster. | ||
| They say that 50% of the nitrogen in our bodies today are from the Haber Method. | ||
| 50%. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So he invented something that literally changed the way people can eat. | ||
| I mean, it probably saved billions of lives. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I'm just guessing. | ||
| But I would imagine one of the biggest problems... | ||
| That people had back then was when you couldn't grow things places, when you didn't have enough food. | ||
| I mean, it was a real touch-and-go situation before refrigeration and then before, you know, large-scale trucking and agriculture everywhere like we have today. | ||
| And how much of the nitrogen that we use came because this guy figured out otherwise they would just use like dead fish and things like that. | ||
| They had to have like compost. | ||
| That's what fertilizer was. | ||
| Bones. | ||
| They would grind up bones. | ||
| But he's also a monster. | ||
| Also, you know, they figured through his work how to kill people with gas. | ||
| They just gassed entire troops. | ||
| Fucking crazy shit, man, when no one had never done that before. | ||
| I mean, you gotta think, back then, people would... | ||
| I mean, think about the war, the independence war, right? | ||
| The war for independence against England when the British would wear those crazy outfits with the white right across their chest. | ||
| They were perfect targets. | ||
| So they'd be walking to the forest and these hillbillies would just pick them out. | ||
| Because they were walking like they were in some sort of old-timey war. | ||
| They used to do wars like they had rules for war. | ||
| And those rules for engagement, and then when a general would lose, he would hand his sword over to the other men. | ||
| Sometimes they wouldn't even take it, because they were trying to be polite. | ||
| And they would have these rules, like gentleman rules, for killing people. | ||
| And then this guy came out with a method. | ||
| Hey, how about this? | ||
| How about we just gas these motherfuckers? | ||
| Just drop gas on them. | ||
| Kill everybody. | ||
| Just let them choke to death in their own blood. | ||
| Literally your body is just vomiting blood. | ||
| It's coming out of your eyeballs. | ||
| Everyone around you is dying from the same thing. | ||
| You're just hemorrhaging. | ||
| Just dying. | ||
| Because some genius scientist who also created a method to extract nitrogen. | ||
| Out of the air that fed millions of hungry people also figured out a way to do this. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| You just freaked me out. | ||
| Yeah, well, sometimes great people have done horrible, horrible things. | ||
| But that guy invented something that we all use. | ||
| It's a tricky thing being a person. | ||
| People are slippery. | ||
| There's a lot of good and bad about us. | ||
| It depends how you use it, Joe. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Depends how you use it. | ||
| Well, that's why being a comic is one of the most fulfilling things of all time. | ||
| Because people get something out of it. | ||
| If they go to see you, the reason why you're willing to eat dick is because you want to develop these bits and have them crush. | ||
| Get them to that point where when people come to see you and they pay money to see you, boom! | ||
| You lay them on them and they're like... | ||
| That feeling that you can do, that you can give to someone when you see someone just laughing so hard, it's one of the greatest feelings a person can ever experience. | ||
| And not a lot of people get to experience it. | ||
| Can you imagine how important laughter is in your life? | ||
| After a certain point, like it's your, it's like, you know, you need sleep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You need food. | ||
| And if you really have a laughter, but you also have to learn how to laugh at yourself. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And once you conquer that, your life changes completely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's 50%. | ||
| You know, the number one killer is stress. | ||
| That's the number one thing that could kill you, is you being stressed out. | ||
| But humor? | ||
| I mean, I love getting high at night, doing edibles, and finding stupid videos, and watching an old stand-up reel, and just laughing my fucking ass off. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I'm enjoying it more every day. | ||
| And when you have kids, you really laugh at the shit they talk about, you know? | ||
| Dude, I laugh at kids' movies. | ||
| I watched Dora the Explorer, the live action one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The new one? | |
| The new one. | ||
| Yeah, tremendous. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tremendous. | |
| There's some legit laughs in that movie. | ||
| I got bad news for you people. | ||
| I got bad news for you people. | ||
| The last couple of years I've gone to see maybe seven or eight mainstream films, but I've probably seen 20 kid films. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I leave those films blown away. | ||
| You know what's fucking great? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which one? | |
| Jumanji. | ||
| I haven't seen one yet. | ||
| It's as good if not better than the first one. | ||
| The first one was fucking great. | ||
| Those movies are all... | ||
| At least you leave there feeling something. | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| Some of these movies I go watch, I'm like, what the fuck was that? | ||
| Jumanji hits a perfect balance between... | ||
| It's a family movie, but they don't treat you like you're a moron. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| They're trapped in a video game, so it doesn't have to make sense. | ||
| It can be crazy. | ||
| So it is crazy. | ||
| But it's a fucking great movie. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| Both of them are great. | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| You leave, you feel good. | ||
| You laugh your ass off. | ||
| You do feel good. | ||
| And they ride the edge perfectly of it being enjoyable for old people, but hilarious for kids. | ||
| Kids think Jumanji's hilarious. | ||
| So you can sit there and watch. | ||
| You know, I took my nine-year-old the other day. | ||
| We watched it for the second time. | ||
| Just me and her. | ||
| Laughing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bah! | |
| I thought it was so funny. | ||
| The Rock is great. | ||
| Kevin Hart's great. | ||
| That chick who plays... | ||
| I don't want a spoiler alert in it because she plays more than one role for some strange reason. | ||
| I don't want a spoiler alert. | ||
| But she's fucking fantastic. | ||
| The Asian lady that was in Crazy Rich Asians. | ||
| What is her name? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Awkwafina. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How crazy is that name? | ||
| Did she make that name up? | ||
| She must have. | ||
| She's a rapper too. | ||
| She's a rapper? | ||
| Yes, she was also. | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No. | ||
| Well, that makes sense. | ||
| I can't say without giving it away why she's so good, but goddamn, she's hilarious. | ||
| I'll tell you what I like the most that has really given me a great bond with my daughter. | ||
| That some of these Pixar movies use music from our era. | ||
| You don't know how many times I'm in a car driving and I'm listening to classic rock and she's in the back singing. | ||
| And I'm like, my dick just got hard. | ||
| She knows my music. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| She knows my music. | ||
| And it's because of those... | ||
| I don't know what Pixar movies are exactly, but they use music from our era. | ||
| And she'll go, Daddy, I know that song. | ||
| Let me see the video. | ||
| Well, they do that with some movies. | ||
| Like, Marvel did it the best with Guardians of the Galaxy. | ||
| Chris Pratt's character is into cool old songs. | ||
| Like, if you ride the ride at Disneyland, they have a Guardians of the Galaxy ride, and in it is all these cool songs. | ||
| Like, Jackson 5 or Slow Ride. | ||
| Like, crazy cool old school songs. | ||
| That play while he's going through his adventures. | ||
| So part of Guardians of the Galaxy, he's got headphones on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that song he's listening to? | |
| Yeah, he's got this one song, he's got an old school cassette Walkman, and he's got the headphones on and shit, and he's kicking the shit out of aliens while he's listening to this badass song. | ||
| But it's like, those old classics, there's something about songs that are from a different time that it's not just that it's a great song, but it's also that it's history. | ||
| Like, it's both things, you know? | ||
| The music my daughter listens to, I Wanna Kill Myself. | ||
| Hooked on a Feeling, that's it. | ||
| Blue Suede. | ||
| All that music drives me fucking crazy. | ||
| I like that one jam, you know. | ||
| What's the one that came with Miley Cyrus' father? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Old Town Road. | ||
| That must have killed your fucking house. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| My kids wouldn't stop singing it. | ||
| They wouldn't stop. | ||
| My daughter was singing it. | ||
| I think that's the most popular single of all time. | ||
| Of all time. | ||
| Of all time. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking... | |
| Now, you gotta remember one thing. | ||
| When I first stepped foot on the stage about a year later, Billy Ray Cyrus blew up. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I still remember doing open mic that followed a breakdance. | ||
| What was it called? | ||
| Line dancing class. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In Colorado, in Arvada, Colorado, on Sunday nights. | ||
| Don't tell my heart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Icky, bricky heart. | ||
| People went nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is what I'm talking about. | ||
| I love when people go, oh, well, Billy Ray Cyrus, he's dead. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No. | ||
| He just showed up with a kid and blew up the fucking world. | ||
| 35, 30 years later. | ||
| I'll tell you what, man. | ||
| His daughter is very talented. | ||
| His daughter hasn't even gotten started yet. | ||
| Very talented. | ||
| No. | ||
| She hasn't even gotten started yet. | ||
| Don't even worry about it. | ||
| If you listen to Jolene, you listen to her cover, Jolene, like, holy shit, man. | ||
| Bro, she sang some... | ||
| She sang... | ||
| When we leave here, put on fucking the tribute to Chris Cornell, what she sang, and you're gonna die. | ||
| You're gonna just say goodbye, say hello to heaven, and get goosebumps. | ||
| She hasn't even... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let her go paint her hair, show her titties, show her pussy. | |
| Get married a few times. | ||
| She's gonna get married a few times. | ||
| Have fun. | ||
| She's got enough dough in her last three lifetimes right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let her go do her thing, but her true calling is going to come back, and she's going to level the music industry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because she's, yeah, say goodbye to heaven. | ||
| I think it's, yeah, say hello to heaven. | ||
| Temple of the dog. | ||
| Say hello to heaven. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to hear this later. | ||
| Bookmark that for me, Jamie. | ||
| God, I wish we could play music. | ||
| Yeah, she fucks them up. | ||
| Wouldn't that be great if we could just play music during the podcast? | ||
| Yeah, we gotta get some... | ||
| You have no idea how talented she is. | ||
| She's phenomenal. | ||
| I love her last album. | ||
| That song Malibu, have you heard Malibu? | ||
| It's a great fucking song. | ||
| She's just taking time off. | ||
| But she's a real artist. | ||
| You know, first she got on the I'm not gonna smoke dope like Pete Davidson. | ||
| And that shit lasted, you know. | ||
| I bumped into Pete Davidson. | ||
| Are you getting high again? | ||
| He goes, fuck yeah. | ||
| I think if the pussy's too good, I gotta be getting high. | ||
| You know, they go on that kick, they're not gonna smoke no more. | ||
| You know, you gotta do something. | ||
| I love the reefer. | ||
| I love it in the morning. | ||
| I got some strawberry cough the other day. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Have you seen the Speedweed Box of Doom? | ||
| You gotta open that thing up. | ||
| It lights up like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. | ||
| Well, Gino has some tremendous fucking... | ||
| And these little tobacco things, these little blunts. | ||
| Yes, the blunts. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| You're not a blunt guy, and I'm not a blunt guy. | ||
| I am a blunt guy now. | ||
| But I love his blunts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know who turned me into a blunt guy? | ||
| It's Charlie Murphy. | ||
| Charlie Murphy, the first time I ever got high with him, he rolled a blunt. | ||
| And he would do it old school. | ||
| He would buy packages of Swisher Sweets. | ||
| He'd cut those fuckers open. | ||
| You know, a lot of guys break them open with their finger. | ||
| I don't remember if he broke it open with his finger, but Charlie knew how to roll a blunt. | ||
| Like, he would roll a blunt. | ||
| You know who else rolls a blunt? | ||
| Real good? | ||
| Luis Gomez. | ||
| Luis Gomez rolls a legit blunt, breaks down the tobacco, takes the fucking leaf out, flattens the leaf, rolls the weed inside of it. | ||
| Perfect blunt. | ||
| Like, skills. | ||
| Like, I admire dudes who can fix things, and I admire dudes who can roll a tight joint. | ||
| You know, like a dude who knows how to fix an engine. | ||
| Like, oh, carburetor is this and that. | ||
| We're just going to run the line. | ||
| We'll clear it out. | ||
| And then we'll add new spark plugs. | ||
| And I go, wow, I can't do that. | ||
| I got to hire a guy to do that. | ||
| I can't turn the wrench. | ||
| I'm not good at it. | ||
| I never learned. | ||
| I admire it. | ||
| I could fucking roll a nasty joint. | ||
| I admire that. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| The blunt's a special thing. | ||
| You gotta learn how to break down the tobacco paper. | ||
| And I cheat sometimes and buy the blunt wrap. | ||
| But it's just not the same. | ||
| You know, last week I called you after I did Bert's thing. | ||
| And he had a Cuban dude doing cigars. | ||
| And Bert said to him, let me ask you a question. | ||
| What if I gave you an ounce of dope? | ||
| Can you roll it up? | ||
| And he rolled it up in two cigars. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And they were fucking tremendous. | ||
| I mean, fucking tremendous. | ||
| Tommy Chong gave me this. | ||
| Yeah, it's too big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's just too big. | |
| Listen, it's all cute. | ||
| It starts off cute. | ||
| Like, you burn, you know, you burn an inch of it or two. | ||
| I don't want to light it, though. | ||
| I'll miss it. | ||
| I like keeping it right here on my desk. | ||
| Because when I was a kid, when I was little, Big Bamboo, my stepdad had Big Bamboo, and I listened to it when I was like... | ||
| I mean, I couldn't have been more than nine. | ||
| I was nine years old and I was listening to that. | ||
| Did that have Sister Mary Elephant on it? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I remember it. | ||
| I think Big Bamboo was the one where they're like, Dave's not here, man. | ||
| I think that was that one. | ||
| Just to know those guys. | ||
| How fucking genius was that? | ||
| Tommy Chong is a goddamn genius and so is Cheech. | ||
| That they still put a rolling paper in the thing in the album? | ||
| Yeah, the album was rolling paper. | ||
| Sister Mary Elephant. | ||
| Yes, Ralph and Herbie. | ||
| Let's make a dope deal. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Let's make a dope deal. | ||
| If you want me to tell you something, this is why I got into podcasting. | ||
| This was my biggest appeal about podcasting, that guys like you and I grew up on listening to Pryor, Cheech and Chong, Carlin. | ||
| My albums of choice as a kid were, there were three by Richard Pryor, This one, and I liked Lenny Bruce Live from Carnegie Hall for some reason. | ||
| That's my album collection of stand-up comedy. | ||
| I love a bicentennial nigga. | ||
| The nigga's crazy. | ||
| Was it something I said? | ||
| That's Richard Pryor's best work. | ||
| Those are great, great albums. | ||
| That's Richard Pryor's best work. | ||
| Great, great albums. | ||
| Just raw and it makes you listen. | ||
| You know, this year was the first time since 1987 that the albums outsold DVDs. | ||
| They're making a big comeback. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| We made a big fucking mistake 30 years ago. | ||
| We all drank the fucking Kool-Aid and it wasn't worth it. | ||
| There was some jerk-off people, you know, again. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| We were doing great with the album. | ||
| The music industry was doing great with a thing called the album. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you want to buy Kiss on Saturday? | ||
| This fucking guy wants to buy Led Zeppelin on Saturday and I want to buy REO Speedwagon. | ||
| You all got paper routes. | ||
| On Saturday, we got to walk down to the fucking record store, look around. | ||
| He changed his mind. | ||
| He went with Jethro Tull. | ||
| Then we went back to your house, because your mom worked on Saturdays, and we got two joints, and we rolled them up in the album. | ||
| It was a process. | ||
| You put the album on, and you rolled, and you read the lyrics, and you read the things that they put in it. | ||
| And they took that away from you. | ||
| The first dudes were the dudes who went to the real, the real. | ||
| Oh, real to real is the way to go. | ||
| I've heard of people, but I didn't know anybody personally. | ||
| Yeah, nobody was buying them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Real to real is crazy. | |
| I got to show up with a movie thing to listen to fucking Julius Priest. | ||
| And you got to spool it. | ||
| And you got to spool it and the whole thing. | ||
| So that went out fucking quick. | ||
| Then they switched to something else. | ||
| 8-track? | ||
| No, the 8-track was already gone pretty much. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| The 8-track started to move out. | ||
| Cassette was big. | ||
| Cassettes were big. | ||
| I remember mini discs. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Mini discs? | ||
| Mini discs. | ||
| Mini discs. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then I remember the CD. But then, I still remember buying, like, movies. | ||
| Like, going to Amoeba, buying a movie. | ||
| Opening up the thing and it'd just be like an advertiser and a fucking CD. And that's when I stopped. | ||
| I go, this is what I'm getting for my money now. | ||
| So when I buy a fucking CD from a record label, I open it up and it's a CD. They don't even put time into the cover anymore. | ||
| When you buy Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here album, Jesus Christ, they must have put a year just into the cover. | ||
| The guy shaking the guy's hand at Warner Brothers and the other guy's lighting on fire. | ||
| They put time in. | ||
| So I think that, and everybody kept saying sound. | ||
| Well, the sound, CD did it. | ||
| Listen, just to put that fucking needle on there again, I wonder how many fucking turntables were sold in America last year for the album to come back. | ||
| And I have one in my office, and I go to two different places once a month. | ||
| Do you listen with headphones, or do you listen just to speakers? | ||
| When I listen in the office, I put them on with the speakers at the office. | ||
| When I listen to it at home, I got the headphones. | ||
| It's... | ||
| It's a different experience, right? | ||
| You're sitting down like you're watching a show, almost. | ||
| The thing about music when I'm streaming it is I'm almost always doing something. | ||
| I'm very rarely just listening to music. | ||
| I'm always listening to music while I'm driving or listening to music while I'm working out or while I'm flying. | ||
| I don't hardly ever just listen to music. | ||
| I sit down. | ||
| But when you have an album, when you have a record player, I think that It would definitely make you more inclined to treat it like an event, you know? | ||
| Just have a cup of coffee, smoke a joint, sit on the couch, just listen to it. | ||
| Just listen to it. | ||
| Listen to some bars, you know? | ||
| Listen, I get anxiety about 20 to 8 every night. | ||
| 20 to 8? | ||
|
unidentified
|
20 to 8. Right around that same time? | |
| Yeah, because for years, that's when I was thinking about how I was going to score Coke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| So till this day, that's the PTSD I got. | ||
| At 7.30, I started getting anxiety. | ||
| I started getting itchy. | ||
| I gotta move. | ||
| I gotta make a move. | ||
| And what I finally, what I really wanted and intended to do was to maybe go to jujitsu at night. | ||
| But it's out of the question. | ||
| You know, my boy just got a 5.30 class. | ||
| I've been trying to make it for three weeks. | ||
| 5.30 is just rough. | ||
| I'm a 10 o'clock in the morning type of guy. | ||
| 12, the latest. | ||
| I used to always take the 8.30 class at night. | ||
| That's at this age. | ||
| It was hard to go on stage afterwards, too. | ||
| I don't mind all that. | ||
| After an hour and a half of rolling and everything? | ||
| You're not fucking killing yourself for an hour and a half. | ||
| You warm up, and you drill the technique, and then you fucking... | ||
| For me, I do three rolls, and I gotta go. | ||
| After that, I'm just... | ||
| It's a long diminishing. | ||
| Dude, when I was training at Tenth Planet... | ||
| All the time with Eddie's nighttime class, 830 class. | ||
| Yeah, a month. | ||
| Filled with murderers. | ||
| Murderers? | ||
| It was kill or be killed. | ||
| And then you'd go, oh, nice guys, so I don't want to meet it in a bad way. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No one was hurting anybody. | ||
| They were just really good. | ||
| But you would go from that and then I'd go on stage. | ||
| I'd feel spent. | ||
| Sometimes I'd go on stage afterwards and I'd have flat sets because I was just too tired. | ||
| I was just too mellowed out. | ||
| I'd spend 90 minutes with guys on your back trying to strangle you and trying to It's just, you get there, you don't have the same pop. | ||
| Do you work out at night still? | ||
| I like to work out at all different hours of the day. | ||
| That's what I like to do. | ||
| When was the last time you worked out at night? | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Like three days ago, maybe? | ||
| What time? | ||
| Late. | ||
| 10.30? | ||
| See, I could do that. | ||
| When people are asleep, that's what I like to do. | ||
| When people are asleep, I put fights on. | ||
| Put fights on. | ||
| Just, you know, got all the shit there. | ||
| I got kettlebells there. | ||
| I got a bar there. | ||
| I got chin-up bars. | ||
| I got, you know, things to do with that glute hand machine. | ||
| I do sit-ups off of that and back extensions. | ||
| I would just do like nine sets of kettlebells. | ||
| Like swings, cleans, a couple goblet squats. | ||
| And I'd be happy like at 10.30. | ||
| It's a zone. | ||
| At 7 o'clock, dog, 7.30, 8 o'clock, I got to rush. | ||
| But not, it's not really, it's kind of an exercise. | ||
| But I got to get out of the house. | ||
| So I usually go by the office. | ||
| I do two bonk hits and I listen to one side of an album. | ||
| I just pick an album. | ||
| Some nights it's comedy, some nights it's fucking rock music, and once the album is over, I shut it off, put the album back on the cover, and I get in the car and I go, I'm like, nothing happened. | ||
| Most of the nights I do that, I really don't have nothing to do. | ||
| So I got a half-hour window. | ||
| I put her in the tub, I leave, and by the time I come back, nobody knows nothing. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| Do you, when you're writing comedy, like when you're working on bits, are you... | ||
| How much time are you spending off stage and how do you do it? | ||
| Are you one of those guys that has an idea and you drive around? | ||
| I know a lot of guys don't even like writing shit down. | ||
| They just have an idea and they just bounce it around while they're driving around. | ||
| And then maybe they'll remember some bullet points or they'll bounce it off a friend and then they'll try to do it on stage. | ||
| How are you doing it? | ||
| Now because I'm very serious about it. | ||
| It starts with a pad and a piece of paper. | ||
| And pray to God that I could just remember the idea to get it out of me at the Comedy Store. | ||
| I just want to get the idea out. | ||
| Let's worry about the joke later. | ||
| So that's the first thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you have a premise. | ||
| You get the structure of the premise. | ||
| Let me get this out. | ||
| I want to talk about that Netflix show, Don't Fuck With Cats. | ||
| I keep forgetting. | ||
| Don't fuck with cats. | ||
| That's rule number one that they told me when I moved from Cuba. | ||
| I threw a rock at a cat one day and a black guy goes, yo, don't fuck with them motherfuckers. | ||
| Some dude on the internet decided to fuck with cats. | ||
| And have you watched the series? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's going to blow your mind. | ||
| It's going to blow your mind. | ||
| It's a Netflix show? | ||
| Netflix 10 episode documentary. | ||
| It's called Don't Fuck With Cats? | ||
| What did you get me involved in, Joe Diaz? | ||
| It's called Don't Fuck With Cats? | ||
| Don't Fuck With Cats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think it's only three episodes. | |
| I watched two of them last night, actually. | ||
| Is it good? | ||
| Yeah, it's like, remember the old school internet shit from the early 2000s where there was weird shit online? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People were discovering who the fuck was doing some of that and they fell down some fucking weird holes. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| This is crazy shit. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Disturbing as fuck. | ||
| Is it three episodes? | ||
| Because I watched two and a half. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe so, yeah. | |
| I watched three of them. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's just three. | ||
| I thought it was more than that. | ||
| It's called Don't Fuck With Cats? | ||
| Don't Fuck With Cats? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Don't Fuck With Cats. | ||
| Because this is how the party starts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Tremendous. | ||
| And you know who else was on TV last week? | ||
| The reason why I called you but I didn't want to tell you until afterward. | ||
| I wanted to talk to you about it on the show. | ||
| Our boy made a comeback. | ||
| He ain't gonna lie. | ||
| He got another week and a half left to live. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Michael Bowden made a comeback. | ||
| Because when the Epstein family... | ||
| Michael Badden. | ||
| Badden. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Epstein family hired him to do a private... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Did you watch it on 60 Minutes? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| Okay, that's my boy! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My boy! | ||
| I used to love that show. | ||
| Finally! | ||
| You and me both! | ||
| Oh my God, that awesome show. | ||
| Because I still remember having conversations with you about saying, you can't commit a crime with that guy around. | ||
| Oh, he's too good. | ||
| Because once he gets on it, the most memorable thing he ever busted was... | ||
| You ready for this, G? They found a torso in New Jersey that belonged to a woman. | ||
| The guy did a great job. | ||
| He cut her waist, he cut her arms, her head, and he threw her whole body into the ocean. | ||
| The sharks got everything except the torso. | ||
| Torso just washed up in seaside heights or some Jersey shore town. | ||
| You remember this episode? | ||
| I kind of remember that. | ||
| And then she fucking had fake tits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| So he took the serial numbers from the tits, found out who she was. | ||
| But no, no, it gets better. | ||
| He went deep into the murky waters. | ||
| He also went into his stomach. | ||
| And the food that she had eaten hadn't been processed. | ||
| So there was a certain clam. | ||
| It was a certain type of clam that couldn't be found. | ||
| It wasn't there. | ||
| And it could have either been Boston or New Jersey. | ||
| I'm not putting the blame on nobody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, right. | |
| I remember this now. | ||
| So he found out her whereabouts and he found out, he called like every restaurant in that area to see who would have that specific type of clam. | ||
| And he fucking caught the killer because he paid for it with his credit card. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So he went and found out the specific clam and what restaurant in that area sold it. | ||
| And that's what she had in her stomach. | ||
| They weren't cherry stones or the other ones. | ||
| They were the other ones. | ||
| There was the most horrific story from that one. | ||
| One episode where they had this guy, I believe he was a doctor, and he was infatuated with this woman who was this patient. | ||
| And when she died, I think he had married her one time, or something like that. | ||
| He had some kind of relationship with her. | ||
| He dug up her body and kept it in his house. | ||
| And put a tube where her vagina is so he could still have sex with her. | ||
| And he was buying cases and cases of perfume. | ||
| And I think that's what tipped people off. | ||
| This guy was buying cases of perfume because she was rotting in his bed. | ||
| So he would cover her with perfume. | ||
| What was the name of that show? | ||
| Autopsy. | ||
| HBO Autopsy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking great show. | ||
| Great show, and it would come out like at one. | ||
| So he studies Jeffrey Epstein, and he finds out that there's breaks in Jeffrey Epstein's neck that he's never seen ever in a hanging, and only seen from strangulation, only seen from murders. | ||
| Did you see how they said that he hung himself? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Am I retarded? | ||
| Am I the only one that's missing this? | ||
| They're trying to find... | ||
| It's a four-foot wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he threw himself against a wall and went down with, really? | ||
| Right. | ||
| The neck had blood, but the fucking thing didn't have blood on it. | ||
| It's such a horrible fucking thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The cops, the overtime, they had been working, the tapes got shut off. | ||
| How about the fact that they deleted the first tapes? | ||
| So he had an original attempt on his life, and then they had a second one. | ||
| And they can't find the tapes for the second one, and then they accidentally deleted the tapes from the first one. | ||
| I mean, it's not 1930. It's 2020. If they can get away with that in 2020, I mean, I don't know how far anyone's gonna track this down. | ||
| How far, like how motivated they are. | ||
| Well, the reason why he got arrested in the first place is because people did talk about it and they did get motivated to do something. | ||
| Because they're like, how does a guy get arrested for having sex with underage kids and then only get like 13 months? | ||
| And then during that 13 months, basically he was like, he just had to return at night. | ||
| Right? | ||
| He had the ability to travel and go wherever he wanted? | ||
| Yeah, he had 16 hours work release for the day. | ||
| He could go to his office. | ||
| Literally, all he had to do was sleep there every night. | ||
| So it was an inconvenience. | ||
| An inconvenience for him. | ||
| And everybody's like, what? | ||
| And then when you start thinking about the stories and the jet and the island and all the craziness, you're like, this is not a movie? | ||
| This is real? | ||
| This is not a movie. | ||
| There was an island where an intelligence agent would take... | ||
| Scientists and heads of state, and they would bang chicks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That intelligence thing is... | |
| I'll just say strong rumor, because it's only been mentioned by a few people, and that ABC report didn't mention it at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe they left it out. | |
| I don't think they can prove it. | ||
| When someone says something, is there a recording of that guy? | ||
| Remember the guy that said that he was told that Epstein was intelligence and he was above his pay grade? | ||
| Yeah, Acosta. | ||
| What's his name again? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jim? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Jim Acosta. | ||
| He got fired, though, or he had to resign after they went and looked into this and he got rearrested. | ||
| I have not seen Bombshell. | ||
| Have you seen Bombshell? | ||
| That's that new Charisse Theron. | ||
| She plays Megyn Kelly, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Roger Ailes. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's all about the sexual harassment. | ||
| And I was watching... | ||
| The ladies watched it together, the actual women that lived it, and then they, afterwards, they talked about it. | ||
| They talked about what was real and what was not real. | ||
| But one thing that was real is Roger Ailes would make them stand in front of him and twirl around so they could see their ass, so he could see their ass. | ||
| So imagine, you're a woman, you get this job, you're going to be an anchor. | ||
| Like, I'm really excited to work for you, Mr. Ailes. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Alright, this is what I want you to do. | ||
| I want to see your ass. | ||
| I want you to spin around. | ||
| And so he, I mean, that's a weird, is that a real picture? | ||
| Photoshopped for press release. | ||
| Doesn't it look fake? | ||
| Doesn't it look like a fake picture? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They probably weren't all next to each other. | |
| Hmm. | ||
| What is Megyn Kelly complaining about? | ||
| She was sexually harassed. | ||
| Oh yeah, everybody was. | ||
| At Fox? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Apparently this guy, Roger, that's his name, Roger Ailes, right? | ||
| What they're saying is that, you know, he would say, I want to see you naked, I want to see you in lingerie, I want to see naked pictures of you. | ||
| He was just a dirty old fat dude who just harassed the fuck out of all the women that worked there. | ||
| And that was how they did it. | ||
| Is that in the movie? | ||
| Yeah, that's in the movie. | ||
| Yeah, that's John Lithgow, right? | ||
| They put him in a fat suit, right? | ||
| They didn't make him get that fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think so. | |
| That's a lot of weight if he did. | ||
| Yeah, that's some heart attack shit. | ||
| He's a fairly healthy guy. | ||
| But that guy's dead, right? | ||
| Didn't he die? | ||
| I think Roger Ailes died. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Go back to those pictures. | ||
| Go back to images. | ||
| I mean, look at that one, the one in the middle. | ||
| Look at the one in the middle up top with his red tie out. | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I mean, if he was alone with her, what the fuck do you imagine he would say? | ||
| What kind of creepy shit do you imagine that dude would say? | ||
| Women always think like a guy like that that looks disgusting, that you would never have, like, I would never have sex with him. | ||
| He knows that. | ||
| A guy that's that rich and that powerful... | ||
| Like, and looks like that, he doesn't even probably know that he doesn't have any game. | ||
| Like, he probably thinks that he has game. | ||
| He probably thinks this is a part of why he became rich and famous in the first place. | ||
| These powerful men, before all this stuff went down, these guys that ran these gigantic companies, and this is just what they did. | ||
| So they all did. | ||
| And they got away with it. | ||
| Everybody knew, right? | ||
| I mean, how many companies are like... | ||
| Here's the big question. | ||
| How long has this been going on? | ||
| How long have men and women even been working together like that? | ||
| Doesn't Jordan Peterson talk about this? | ||
| That it hasn't really been that long. | ||
| Like, you know, in the 1800s, men and women didn't work together in offices like this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't watch Mad Men, but isn't that what that whole show is kind of about? | |
| I think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That relationship between the secretaries and the wives and the husbands and... | |
| It's real recent for people, for men and women to be alongside each other all day that you don't even know each other and you're in an office together. | ||
| Throughout all of human history, when people got together and worked together, they were a tribe. | ||
| They were a community. | ||
| It wasn't strange, random guys that just got hired by fucking HR to come down and sit next to you in your office and ask you questions about how you conduct yourself. | ||
| Like, who are you? | ||
| No, everybody in those days worked with people they knew, right? | ||
| Like, if you were in a blacksmith's office or a blacksmith's workshop, everybody fucking knew everybody. | ||
| They worked together. | ||
| One of my nieces just had to go... | ||
| And she got summoned to talk to somebody. | ||
| She's going to medical school now. | ||
| But where she got her regular degree. | ||
| A couple weeks ago she had to go. | ||
| She got a fucking letter in the mail and they asked her about this teacher and what she thought. | ||
| She had to spill her guts and they had to go and fucking get this teacher fired, you know. | ||
| He wasn't doing anything sexual, it was what he was saying. | ||
| Saying creepy shit? | ||
| He was touching him. | ||
| He was 60-something, you know. | ||
| He's probably been doing his whole life. | ||
| I had to confront him and, you know. | ||
| Well, that's what you have to think about priests, right? | ||
| They're still doing it, right? | ||
| They still keep getting caught. | ||
| But they've been doing that their whole life. | ||
| And the people before them did it to them. | ||
| And there's generation after generation after generation of child molester priests. | ||
| It's one of the craziest things that Catholics just accept. | ||
| Because most Catholics are not pedophiles. | ||
| Most Catholics are good people that want a bunch of great people to live together with certain rules, and they think if you abide by these rules, then you're doing the work of God. | ||
| But the people at the top, there's a certain percentage of them, I don't know what the number is, that are definitely pedophiles. | ||
| And it's a high number in comparison to every other job. | ||
| 25% of dentists were pedophiles. | ||
| We would all have rotten teeth. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, think about all the different professions. | ||
| Lawyers. | ||
| If 25% of lawyers were pedophiles, we'd light their buildings on fire. | ||
| The fuck are you talking about? | ||
| But for some reason, I don't know what the percentage is. | ||
| I don't think it's 25% of priests. | ||
| What do you think it is? | ||
| Here's the fucking thing with the priest thing. | ||
| That kills me. | ||
| The priest thing worked pretty much. | ||
| It was a no, no... | ||
| I mean, we're talking about the 60s and 70s. | ||
| I did a Google search on the grammar school I went to. | ||
| Just a look. | ||
| Just a look. | ||
| I went to Sacred Heart School for Boys. | ||
| And one day I went on there, one night I was high, and I just went on a Google search and went down a foxhole and went on a couple Reddit pages of people saying different things. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| I swear to God, there was nothing about Sacred Heart School for boys in there. | ||
| You couldn't find them. | ||
| But I looked up a different church that was close to my house, and it was 200 cases. | ||
| Nobody gets prosecuted, and they move you to another archdiocese, and you start your little charade again. | ||
| And then when you start, let's say you fuck up four fucking different states, like let's say you go from Jersey to Minneapolis to San Diego, then to Louisiana, then they ship you overseas. | ||
| Once too many letters start to come in about this situation, then they ship you overseas. | ||
| And they'll put you at the fucking Vatican or whatever. | ||
| That's what's got me fired up. | ||
| I grew up in this. | ||
| Did I get molested as a kid? | ||
| No. | ||
| Did a priest bother me? | ||
| No. | ||
| I wish I could sit here and tell you. | ||
| Was I an altar boy? | ||
| No. | ||
| I worked a bingo. | ||
| So I didn't really have much contact with the fucking priest. | ||
| You know, when I did Vinnie Brand's room, we did the stress factory. | ||
| One of my friends sat in the front row. | ||
| He was my neighbor. | ||
| He lived two doors down next to us. | ||
| And after the show, we were laughing. | ||
| And we were laughing about the pedophiles in the neighborhood, how we would torment them. | ||
| Like, we knew they were pedos. | ||
| We had a guy that played two-hand touch with us with no underwear on. | ||
| Puerto Rican Nelson. | ||
| And then his lure was ice cream. | ||
| We'd take the ice cream and then we'd tell him to go fuck himself. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| We're not going back to your apartment. | ||
| We'll fucking kill you. | ||
| You knew. | ||
| They got pointed out. | ||
| The story I tell about New York about the fucking guy that used to chase little kids and shit like that. | ||
| That's a true story. | ||
| It's not a joke. | ||
| It's a joke on stage. | ||
| But that's a true story. | ||
| You knew who the kids, the people were in your neighborhood. | ||
| They had gotten called out in the 70s and 80s. | ||
| You knew. | ||
| Don't fuck with that dude. | ||
| You know, there's a cop in my neighborhood where I grew up. | ||
| I just found this out. | ||
| I just found this out. | ||
| That there's a cop in my neighborhood that was dear friends with that I grew up with. | ||
| He had two younger brothers that were twins. | ||
| One of the younger brothers went to jail for murder. | ||
| He killed this fucking gay guy. | ||
| What just came out was that that gay guy was molesting him. | ||
| He gave him a summer job when he was in the 8th grade and started molesting him. | ||
| And they still reduced the sentence. | ||
| He went back and murdered him as an adult. | ||
| He came back one day when he was 30, fucking murdered him. | ||
| I think they gave him six years from voluntary manslaughter. | ||
| He pleaded it down. | ||
| But this is, you know, it's... | ||
| You don't want to... | ||
| When it comes to my daughter, I don't trust nobody. | ||
| And you said a joke up on stage the one day that I know is not a joke. | ||
| I'll keep shooting you. | ||
| I'm going to keep shooting you. | ||
| And whoever, your mother, your wife, I'm going. | ||
| I'm going. | ||
| That's why it's better that... | ||
| Like Cuban parents. | ||
| You can sleep over here. | ||
| But we ain't sending my kid nowhere. | ||
| Because this is how it starts. | ||
| Did you watch Never Never Land? | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Okay, Never Never Land is disturbing. | ||
| Now, what is it? | ||
| Escape from Never Land? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| It's Monday. | ||
| That's something for the spirits. | ||
| Might have to let another joint. | ||
| Yeah, you have to get another joint because I'm ready to rock and roll here. | ||
| One of these blunts. | ||
| You got any more blunts? | ||
| Yeah, I got some more blunts. | ||
| I'll go grab one. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Sorry about that fart, Joe Rogan. | ||
| No worries, I've experienced it before. | ||
| No, I've had one of those whey protein... | ||
| I can't even... | ||
| I told you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry, I was looking for a percentage number. | |
| I was trying to find the number of priests versus accusations, but Los Angeles, it seems like 10% of the priests, maybe? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| There's about 600 priests, and at least 70 of them or so have been accused. | ||
| Oh, God damn it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That might be high. | |
| It might be low. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| If that's the nationwide thing, imagine if that's the same. | ||
| It's mirrored or even worse. | ||
| It paid out $3 billion. | ||
| Have you seen it running an ad? | ||
| Have you been molested by a Boy Scout or a fucking priest? | ||
| Call this number. | ||
| It's never too late. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They paid out $3 billion? | |
| $500 plus just in Los Angeles. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| 10 years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was 10 years ago. | |
| It's just crazy that no one ever says, hey, maybe this isn't really what God wants. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, the people that are in the church, the people that are believers, the people that love to dress up nice and go and behave kind and see all the people in the community at the church, there's a good feeling that people get from going to church. | ||
| But the fact that it's connected to that, it's so insane that it's still there. | ||
| It's so insane that it hasn't been rooted out. | ||
| That this is still a giant problem. | ||
| And relatively few people are going to jail. | ||
| Like, relatively few. | ||
| Like, you know who they wanted? | ||
| They wanted that Ratzinger, that Pope Ratzinger. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why he had to step down, and one of the reasons why he stays in the Vatican. | ||
| I was reading some article about them bringing up charges, crimes against humanity against him. | ||
| That other countries wanted to do that because this guy used to ship kids or he used to ship priests to places where they wouldn't get in trouble like he had this one guy who was accused of molesting boys and so he shipped them to this place where he worked with deaf kids and he molested over a hundred deaf kids. | ||
| It's like, what did you do? | ||
| Like, you shipped a child molester to a bunch of people that wouldn't be able to talk about it well. | ||
| He'd be able to get away with it easier there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If they settle the case, that means it doesn't get prosecuted, right? | |
| So that's why they won't go to jail? | ||
| Is that why they haven't gone to jail? | ||
| Dude, I don't understand it. | ||
| I don't understand it either. | ||
| I'm looking up, there's reports on why aren't they going to jail, and I'm like, if you settle a case, you don't, like, they don't keep prosecuting you. | ||
| I just, I guess if you make a, like, the person decides to drop charges? | ||
| There was a guy in Boston, they were gonna fucking give $100,000, they were gonna put him under the jail. | ||
| There was some guy in Boston, I read about years ago, they were gonna put him under the jail. | ||
| Now I keep it simple. | ||
| I'm still a Catholic. | ||
| I just don't go to church. | ||
| I don't want to deal with none of those people. | ||
| I don't want to deal with none of them. | ||
| At any religious level, I don't want to deal with them. | ||
| The problem is whenever people get into a position where everybody, for the most part, is humble around them and scared of them and they have power. | ||
| I remember when my grandmother died. | ||
| We went to her funeral and the guy couldn't remember her name. | ||
| My grandmother's name was Josephine. | ||
| He kept calling her Geraldine. | ||
| And the priest who was delivering the service, we had to interrupt him, say, Josephine! | ||
| And he was, like, annoyed that they interrupted him. | ||
| He's like, yes, Josephine. | ||
| Like, he changed the name. | ||
| Like, he didn't even know her name. | ||
| And when he's there to deliver this God's message for the last, you know, last time, the family's going to view the body. | ||
| And he doesn't know her name. | ||
| And when he was corrected, he was angry at us. | ||
| Like, he had these gin blossoms all over his face. | ||
| He's just some weird old guy who got tricked into this very strange life, and now it's at its end. | ||
| And he's been living with robes on, supposedly being celibate his whole fucking life, while people kiss his ass and pretend that he's something special because he talks about the Word of God. | ||
| But you can just see in that one moment where he wasn't even embarrassed that he said the wrong name. | ||
| He was upset that people were correcting him. | ||
| Because you don't correct priests. | ||
| So he's used to that assault. | ||
| There's no one checking him. | ||
| There's no one checking them at all. | ||
| Everyone who goes there is in this state of worship, and they're the ones who deliver the Word of God dressed like wizards. | ||
| They're the only people in society that are allowed to dress like wizards in modern American society. | ||
| They dress like fucking wizards. | ||
| And we're like, yeah, that's how father dresses. | ||
| Father dresses like a wizard. | ||
| Do you know how people are going to look back at that and go, why didn't they think the outfits were weird? | ||
| Why didn't they think it was silly that this pedophile dresses up like a wizard and you're not supposed to say anything to him? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Like, what is with the outfits? | ||
| The fact that all that shit's still around. | ||
| Like, there's nowhere in the Bible that says priests have to dress like that. | ||
| Nowhere. | ||
| There's nowhere. | ||
| The whole thing is so bizarre. | ||
| You're wearing stuff that made you look like you were very special to really poor people 500 years ago. | ||
| That's what you're wearing. | ||
| You're wearing stuff that would impress people that didn't know any better, that probably couldn't read. | ||
| And so before Martin Luther translated The scriptures so that people could read it like a phonetic language. | ||
| Before that, people had no idea what the priests were reading. | ||
| They just relied on the priest. | ||
| They relied on the priest to tell them what the Word of God was. | ||
| But now all of a sudden they could read it for themselves. | ||
| And Martin Luther was saying, you should probably interpret it yourself too. | ||
| And they were like, oh my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Were either of you old enough to go to church when it was still in Latin? | |
| Oh, they would say some things? | ||
| They used to only be in Latin until like the 70s or 60s or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember they would say some things in Latin because I remember I'd be five years old going, what in the fuck are these people talking about? | ||
| What type of kid were you between the age of five and ten? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Were you aggressive? | ||
| Were you quiet? | ||
| Were you introverted? | ||
| No, I was much more introverted. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| From the ages of 5 and 10, I went through white chains until I got hit in the head with a lunchbox. | ||
| But I believed. | ||
| I really did believe, Joe. | ||
| I really did believe. | ||
| I believed in God. | ||
| I believed that a ton of shit. | ||
| Then I got introduced to Catholic school and that just fucked me up completely. | ||
| Because I believed, but I didn't believe on the tail end of it. | ||
| If we're supposed to be loving, why is this nun smacking me? | ||
| Why is this nun hitting me with a fucking ruler? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| And then I saw the anger in their heart, and it turned me off completely. | ||
| Like, I didn't like it. | ||
| Today, I'm still a Catholic in some ports. | ||
| When my body goes, I like to go to a fucking church, you know? | ||
| But I don't hold it. | ||
| I remember selling cars in Boulder. | ||
| And a guy came in, and we started talking, and he was 50, wasn't a good-looking guy, looked like that fucking guy, and he had like a 20-year-old chick with him. | ||
| And obviously, after taking him on a demo ride, I figured out that he could fuck her and shit. | ||
| No, I realized that he was fucking her. | ||
| She was like his receptionist or something. | ||
| But after when we got back, I also realized he was my father-in-law's friend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So I asked my father more about him. | ||
| He didn't say, he's on the board of the church with us. | ||
| He's a great man. | ||
| And I still remember him. | ||
| This was Sacred Heart Church in Boulder, Colorado. | ||
| In fact, that's the same church the head of the football team went to. | ||
| Bill McCarthy and all that shit. | ||
| I'd see his fucking family there. | ||
| And they'd all sit in the front of this fucking scumbag. | ||
| Would sit in the second pew with his fat fucking ugly wife. | ||
| You know, she had the ugliest fucking wife in the fucking church. | ||
| They would hit her with the net, with that money net. | ||
| They would just hit her with it. | ||
| Like, fuck you, she's ugly. | ||
| But the point was that... | ||
| I never respected it. | ||
| You're cheating on your wife and you're right there playing the fucking I'm a good guy. | ||
| That's a classic story. | ||
| You know what the classic story is? | ||
| The big one is the anti-gay pastor that turns out to be gay. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| Wasn't there one where a guy got busted because he was trying to use an Arby's card? | ||
| Wasn't that the case? | ||
| That's a common one. | ||
| The anti-gay pastor that turns out to be gay. | ||
| Please let people preach the word of the Lord. | ||
| Yes, and say you've got to stay away from the gay folks. | ||
| Missouri church leader tried to pay for sex on Grindr with Arby's card. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Look, it's a hustle that they got away with probably forever. | ||
| They probably hid... | ||
| Like, who they were and what they were doing forever with this act and this smokescreen. | ||
| And you could kind of get away with it for a long time. | ||
| But that, you can't get away with that today. | ||
| Why are you so against gay people? | ||
| They have those camps where they send you to get anti-gay because you're gay. | ||
| They take in, they take the Lord into you. | ||
| They touch your dick is what they do. | ||
| People that have been to those Pray the Gay Away camps, they claim that guys were hugging them with full heart-ons behind them, telling them it's alright, that God loves them. | ||
| This guy was pressing his dick against this guy's buttocks. | ||
| Like, they made him sit, like, almost in a rear naked choke position, where the guy who's the counselor's behind you, with his dick against your back. | ||
| Like, hey, what are you doing? | ||
| Is this really God's plan? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a South Park episode about this. | |
| Need to see. | ||
| Didn't see it. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Butters goes to pray the gay away camp. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| It's called Cartman Sucks. | ||
| It's from Season 11, Episode 2, 2007. Ah, perfect. | ||
| Yeah, there's been a lot of those. | ||
| There's been a lot of, like, real recounts, you know, recountings where people went to those camps and they're like, oh my god, everyone was gay. | ||
| It's like everyone was, like, even the counselors, the guys who were saying they were going to pray the gay away, they were just trying to fuck you. | ||
| I don't know how much fucking they do or how much they just hang on to your back with a heart on and pretend that nothing's going on. | ||
| I don't know what really goes on. | ||
| But whenever you got someone who's that adamant about it, you gotta wonder. | ||
| Anybody ever try to make a move on you? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| When you were a kid? | ||
| Yeah, a couple times. | ||
| From five to how old? | ||
| The scariest one was when I was 13. When I was 13, I was in Boston. | ||
| One time it happened before, but a librarian saved me. | ||
| I was like eight. | ||
| I was in San Francisco, and I was really into monster books back then. | ||
| I was into monster movies and monster books, and I was looking at these books, and this creepy dude came over to me, and he said, you like monster books? | ||
| And I said, yeah. | ||
| And he said, well, I have monster books in my car. | ||
| Do you want to come see them? | ||
| I said, okay. | ||
| Eight years old. | ||
| I was dumb. | ||
| Started walking behind him and the librarian screams out, Joseph, you get away from him. | ||
| He just got out of jail. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| And the guy ran. | ||
| And I ran to the librarian and she hugged me and I was crying. | ||
| It was very scary. | ||
| When I was 13, I got in a car with a guy. | ||
| It was freezing out. | ||
| Bus wasn't coming. | ||
| I had the basketball. | ||
| I was at St. Michael's Gym. | ||
| I got on Kennedy Boulevard. | ||
| Next thing you know, fucking... | ||
| There's no number one bus. | ||
| I'm there fucking an hour and a half and ten below. | ||
| You know, guy pulls up. | ||
| You want a ride? | ||
| Yeah, get in there. | ||
| And I still remember how he acted. | ||
| Like, from the beginning, from the minute I got in, something wasn't right. | ||
| His energy wasn't right. | ||
| And he thought he had prey. | ||
| You know, he ran all hot and sticky. | ||
| He was like, we were 18, and we were taking a girl back to our apartment. | ||
| You know, we were kind of clumsy. | ||
| He was clumsy. | ||
| And at the light, he went for the ball. | ||
| He goes, you like playing basketball? | ||
| And he went for the ball, and then he touched my dick. | ||
| Like he slipped into the hole. | ||
| Oh, Kevin Spacey. | ||
| You like it? | ||
| And I was like, do I fucking like it? | ||
| And Joe Rogan, the door opened. | ||
| It was like God opened the fucking door and I just got out and ran. | ||
| He kept saying, come back. | ||
| I was just teasing you. | ||
| Come on, I'll give you a ride. | ||
| I was already home. | ||
| I was already at the top of Schutzen Park. | ||
| What did I give a fuck? | ||
| But that was basic. | ||
| And I always think about that. | ||
| Like why didn't... | ||
| People approach me. | ||
| I knew today, looking back, I still remember three guys. | ||
| I remember a high school teacher that would come on as a basketball guru. | ||
| And I found out, and I always thought a little weird about him. | ||
| I'm not married, you know. | ||
| And then years ago, somebody said, yeah, he was sucking kids' dicks at the field and shit. | ||
| I had a guy slow play me at a lake. | ||
| There was a guy that used to run around the lake and talk to us when we were fishing. | ||
| We were probably like 13. Me and my friend Josh, in particular, we would go to this one lake that was in our town. | ||
| And we'd fish there all the time. | ||
| And this dude would come by all the time and visit. | ||
| He was always friendly. | ||
| Started off real normal. | ||
| What are you guys up to? | ||
| Catching some fish? | ||
| Like, southern accent. | ||
| Seemed like an old gentleman. | ||
| Then a couple times he came when it was just me and Then he just sat down next to me and talked to me and I was naive. | ||
| I was 13 I just thought he was a real nice guy like almost like a older brother type figure It's gonna give you a good advice. | ||
| He talked about cool shit. | ||
| He was a teacher He got kicked out of his position for some unfair reason. | ||
| He wouldn't really be specific about it But he said, you know, they didn't like the way he taught And so anyway, this dude just becomes my friend, like nice and slow, nice and slow. | ||
| Brings me lunch. | ||
| I even went to his house once. | ||
| And then one day, I am fishing and he's drunk. | ||
| And he tells me he loves me. | ||
| And I think I said something like, I really like you too. | ||
| He goes, you know, there can't be love without sex. | ||
| And I remember thinking, what? | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Like, what did he just... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| And then I remember thinking, what a dummy I am. | ||
| I thought this guy just liked me. | ||
| I was his buddy. | ||
| He's going to teach me things. | ||
| He just likes teaching people. | ||
| He's just really smart. | ||
| I had my hand on a knife. | ||
| I had a Swiss Army knife and them little red plastic ones, you know the ones? | ||
| With the can opener? | ||
| Yeah, they have all the kind of shit. | ||
| And all I was thinking is I put it in my hand, in my pocket, like I held on to it. | ||
| And I remember thinking, God damn it, I hope I don't have to fucking try to use this. | ||
| Because I was thinking, it's like, he was a big guy. | ||
| You know, I was 13. I don't know what I weighed, 120 pounds or something. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, this guy might beat the shit out of me and rape me here in the woods. | ||
| Like, he was bigger than me and he was always jogging. | ||
| You know, he wasn't in bad shape. | ||
| And he, uh, I told him to get the fuck away from me. | ||
| And he told me to not be upset. | ||
| And then I left. | ||
| I got away. | ||
| He didn't chase me. | ||
| He didn't want to be violent. | ||
| He wanted to trick me into fucking him. | ||
| He didn't want to rape me. | ||
| He wanted to trick me into fucking him. | ||
| I got real lucky that that was the case. | ||
| But then years later, I got a letter from him at my house. | ||
| That was creepy. | ||
| Because it showed up in the mailbox. | ||
| He had figured out where I moved to and sent me a letter. | ||
| And I'm like, whoa. | ||
| And it was like real, like friendly and professional. | ||
| Like a real professor, like a scholar. | ||
| I don't even remember if he ever apologized. | ||
| But it was real weird. | ||
| It was like, ooh, I dodged that bullet. | ||
| How many guys that are like that but aren't nice, they just want to get you close and then rape you? | ||
| That's much more likely, probably. | ||
| That is some horrific shit, man. | ||
| With Puerto Rican Nelson, I went to his house. | ||
| That's his name? | ||
| That's what we called him. | ||
| He was Puerto Rican, and his name was Nelson. | ||
| And he lived on Givinette Terrace. | ||
| He lived next to the Altinos, but in the back. | ||
| And I think he raped guys with a black dude. | ||
| Like, there was a black friend of his that would come over there, and then they'd give you beer and all that shit. | ||
| shit so he took you in as you like pussy type of kid like you know well he's like you want to see some good pussy and then that's how it started you know bring you over there you go in and he'd start with the pawn first whoo yeah bring your buddies anytime you want and it was a pawn and then he would get us nickel bags of weed he started real I'll get your weed | ||
| And then he introduced our black friend to him. | ||
| And his black friend just looked fucking retarded. | ||
| Like his afro was cut weird. | ||
| He had weird hair. | ||
| And I remember him distinctively speaking about the Rock of Gibraltar. | ||
| How he had just come back from Africa. | ||
| And we were young kids. | ||
| Like, wow. | ||
| And then once he showed us the porn, it came out like a week later, somebody said, bro, that dude's no good. | ||
| I asked, what's his name? | ||
| He went over to the internet and he asked me if he could suck his dick. | ||
| So we're like, what do we do here? | ||
| Do we call the cops? | ||
| Or do we tell Carmine? | ||
| We're like, no, let's just play the guy. | ||
| Because he was selling us weed. | ||
| He was like a bartender in the city and would sell us weed. | ||
| And then he pursued the porno thing with us. | ||
| He's like, you guys don't understand. | ||
| And then he talked us into, he was like, I'm going to fuck my girlfriend. | ||
| Come over and listen. | ||
| And we would come over there at night and listen. | ||
| He would leave the window open. | ||
| And it was his girlfriend and him fucking. | ||
| And she would be saying, give me milk, daddy. | ||
| Give me milk, daddy. | ||
| And we'd like get creeped out and ran out of there one day. | ||
| And then one day we actually fucking went back. | ||
| Then he got normal. | ||
| I think with the misunderstanding with the one guy, he got normal. | ||
| Somebody checked him and he got normal. | ||
| And then the next summer was when he would come out and play football with us with a robe on with no underwear. | ||
| With just his dick out. | ||
| And we're like, what the fuck is this guy doing? | ||
| He went to desperate measures of perversion. | ||
| And I think Mrs. Zanotti said something to him. | ||
| You can't be doing that around here with your dick out. | ||
| And he's like, no, no, I just want to get exercise or something like he told us something weird. | ||
| And that was the end of that. | ||
| You know what's the classic relationship? | ||
| The classic relationship with crazy old gay guys is the crazy old gay guy and the young guy that's having sex with him for money, right? | ||
| There's a lot of those cases. | ||
| Is that more accepted in the gay community than it is in the straight community? | ||
| Because, like, in the straight community, if a guy is paying a girl for sex, it's prostitution. | ||
| And everybody's upset. | ||
| But is that how it is in the gay community? | ||
| Like, do guys give a fuck? | ||
| Like, how many gay prostitutes get arrested? | ||
| Is it even close to as many as straight ones? | ||
| Like, I would assume, like, no one's getting arrested. | ||
| Like, is that... | ||
| How many... | ||
| Gay prostitutes get arrested. | ||
| I think they do. | ||
| You think they do? | ||
| There's probably just less numbers, so it's probably proportionally smaller. | ||
| I would think there's a lot of them. | ||
| You think there's less of them? | ||
| Probably less than overall, just for the numbers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We live in a place that's made of dreams. | ||
| When people fucking have dreams, they'll do anything for them. | ||
| Don't do anything from Joe Rogan. | ||
| I mean, look at all the situations we've discussed just today alone. | ||
| Harvey, Eric Epstein, Bikram, you know, Marilyn Monroe, that guy two weeks ago that two people died of speed in his house, that fucking nutcase in L.A. That same guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right, Ed Buck. | |
| More people died there? | ||
| No, no, I'm just saying that he finally got arrested. | ||
| Oh, I thought, you know, we're living in a... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And it's such a shame that... | ||
| That's what you do for a living is fuck with people's dreams. | ||
| Well, I think that Ed Buck guy is probably just a serious addict who's got some money, right? | ||
| You know, taking a homeless guy. | ||
| And shooting him up with drugs. | ||
| Shooting him up with drugs. | ||
| When I first got here, the hot book was You'll Never Work In This Town Again. | ||
| And it was a hooker who fucking did a tell-all book about Don Henley calling her up to her house and they had a bend over and Don Henley would snort coke off their assholes and then get up and plug them once and sit back down and just sit there. | ||
| So you had to go to Don Henley's house, he had a fireplace, four women, and he would just say, bend over naked. | ||
| Goddamn Don Henley. | ||
| He would snort coke, get up, fuck you for a minute, and then sit back down and snort more coke. | ||
| You know, she told all those stories of different movie stars and shit like that. | ||
| I would be disappointed if he lived any other way. | ||
| I would think that if you're living back then, too, rock star back then, You almost were required to do something ridiculous. | ||
| Everybody was doing ridiculous shit. | ||
| There was no clean and sober rock stars back then, were there? | ||
| That hadn't even happened yet, where people cleaned up. | ||
| People clean up regularly now. | ||
| It's a big part of society. | ||
| People improve. | ||
| How many people cleaned up back in the day? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Artists? | ||
| Artists that were, like, really into drugs? | ||
| They just died. | ||
| They just died. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They didn't really know what it was. | ||
| Kurt, obviously, suicide or whatever, depending on which documentary you're into. | ||
| The creepiest fucking thing I saw was 1983. I went back to New York and I got a job at an electrical warehouse called Swift Electric. | ||
| And I had to load trucks. | ||
| My job was I'd get there in the morning, look at the bill of laden's, you know, put 12 fucking 12 feet pipe in your truck, wiring, screws. | ||
| And there was this one fucking driver, bro, that was 45 years old and his wife was 15. Whoa. | ||
| And he would bring her to work with her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| She'd be in the front seat. | ||
| She did not go to school. | ||
| She's 15. The owner knew. | ||
| Everybody knew. | ||
| If you looked at him, you could tell he wasn't all there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| And I remember asking him once, like, is this your daughter? | ||
| And he goes, that's my wife. | ||
| I go, she's 15, 14. He goes, yeah, the parents sold it to me. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| I forget what his name was or where he lived. | ||
| I know he lived in West New York. | ||
| He was a white dude from West New York. | ||
| But Don Johnson married Melanie Griffin before she was 18. Really? | ||
| Yeah, look it up. | ||
| Nobody said dick. | ||
| Look at your other boy. | ||
| That dude, they're going to throw him under the chair when they get rid of him. | ||
| Who? | ||
| R. Kelly. | ||
| If you think Howie Weinstein's in trouble... | ||
| At least Howie got some money. | ||
| Harvey. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Howie, Harvey. | ||
| At least he's got some money left. | ||
| R. Kelly's done. | ||
| And like, we were fucking, nobody said nothing. | ||
| R. Kelly used bribe to marry Aaliyah when she was 15, charges say. | ||
| He bribed a government employee in 1994 so that he could obtain a fake ID for the singer Aaliyah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is 20-something years ago, right? | ||
| He did this. | ||
| They're going to throw him under the fucking jail. | ||
| He was holding women captive, fucking with their heads. | ||
| You're not allowed to talk to your fucking parents. | ||
| And was it all that age? | ||
| Was it all like in the 15s? | ||
| That's what he's into? | ||
| Is that what he's into? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They got the video of him pissing on a chick, which I never saw. | ||
| I don't want to see it. | ||
| I mean, I have no fucking desire to see that shit. | ||
| What do you think that is? | ||
| You think he's basically like... | ||
| Well, I watched a little bit of his last week, and he comes across to you, his professionalism, listen, Some people know a wounded deal when they see one. | ||
| And that's what these women are saying, that his professional, his skill is the art of the wounded woman. | ||
| And then he plays wounded. | ||
| But then, you know, who do you talk to with that? | ||
| Within the first day, he'll tell you they got sexually harassed. | ||
| Not too many people. | ||
| So as soon as he starts with that, you start with your story about your uncle. | ||
| And he's gonna take care of you. | ||
| He's gonna do this and this. | ||
| That's how he went in. | ||
| The stories that these women are saying are just fucking crazy. | ||
| Like it's just other level fucking craziness. | ||
| Mind manipulation, you know, it's just deep, old-school pimp. | ||
| Remember you and I went to see American Pimp? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we went to that barbecue place. | ||
| You took me to that good barbecue place next door to where American Pimp was the Hughes Brothers. | ||
| Just that mentality of spotting those type of women... | ||
| You know what's fucked up? | ||
| It's horrible, and I feel terrible about it, and it just makes me feel sick hearing the story. | ||
| But what makes me laugh is if we found out that J-Lo had been capturing 15-year-old boys and pissing in their face, we would think it was hilarious. | ||
| If J-Lo went to high school and she got all these sophomores and she brought them back to her place for a gangbang, we would think these kids had a good fucking time. | ||
| It's one of those big, giant differences. | ||
| Between the way we feel about men and women. | ||
| This R. Kelly thing is horrible. | ||
| But it is kind of funny that if R. Kelly was like a really beautiful woman, and she was doing the exact same thing to 15-year-old boys, making them live with her and eat her pussy and shit, we would think it's hilarious. | ||
| We would just think it's hilarious. | ||
| Madonna's doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Madonna's doing it. | ||
| He does not read or write exceedingly well, except when it comes to amazing musical tracks, his attorney said. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He doesn't read or write well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's sad. | |
| The whole thing's sad. | ||
| But it is weird, our ideas of sex based on gender. | ||
| It's fucking very different. | ||
| We feel very different about that story. | ||
| There would be a hilarious story if there was some big-tittied freak singer who has a little sex cult and she brings 15, 16-year-old boys over. | ||
| We wouldn't really, we would be like, wow. | ||
| But we wouldn't feel like a crime got committed. | ||
| We'd be like, wow. | ||
| Listen, we're hypocrites because I make jokes of it on Twitter. | ||
| I see another 16-year-old teacher sucks a dick, you know. | ||
| But then you think, Jesus Christ, I have a daughter. | ||
| This swings both ways. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So we're hypocrites. | ||
| And we're hypocrites. | ||
| On who we, you know, for years we heard about Michael Jackson. | ||
| There's people that will look you in the fucking face and go, Michael Jackson never touched a kid. | ||
| There's people who will look you in the face today and say, O.J. Simpson didn't kill that bitch. | ||
| There's people that are going to think what they think, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Yeah, I don't obviously have any idea what happened with Michael Jackson. | ||
| But I would assume... | ||
| That there was something wrong just based on the way he behaved. | ||
| I would say, like, what other things are weird about the way you behave? | ||
| The way you talk is weird? | ||
| Like, everything about you is like you're so, so shattered by this whole fame thing and you're constantly getting plastic surgery to the point where nobody can even recognize you anymore. | ||
| I mean, we never saw that before. | ||
| That's the first superstar we ever saw that, like, literally became a different human being. | ||
| Like, changed his face. | ||
| Changed his nose. | ||
| Changed his chin. | ||
| Changed everything. | ||
| The complexion of his skin. | ||
| The color of his eyes. | ||
| Like, everything. | ||
| Just kept fucking with his face. | ||
| His nose would collapse. | ||
| And we were all aware of it. | ||
| We were like, whoa! | ||
| Joe Rogan, here's what you... | ||
| When you watch Never Never Land, I want you to watch it alone. | ||
| And I want you to watch it from the perspective of what you've seen as a comedian alone. | ||
| What is it actually called? | ||
| Escape from Neverland? | ||
| Whatever the fuck. | ||
| Never, Neverland. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Finding Neverland? | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| I'll take the fucking napkin. | ||
| You know I'm not a pig. | ||
| I know the napkin's bothering you. | ||
| It doesn't bother me at all. | ||
| What I'm going to say to you is when you watch this movie, you're going to get it the same way I got it. | ||
| The lucky thing is that people like you and I didn't drink the Kool-Aid. | ||
| You and I have been at the store and you and I have had discussions and you and I have seen... | ||
| It's 2020. Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| I know you since 97, 98. We've seen a thousand comics come and go. | ||
| Some of it is addiction. | ||
| Some of it is this lifestyle wasn't for them. | ||
| But there's a percentage of them that... | ||
| One day you were talking to them about writing jokes. | ||
| The next day they were talking to you about scripts and producing. | ||
| They just lost their fucking mind and drank the Kool-Aid. | ||
| And because they drank the Kool-Aid, now they come back to comedy. | ||
| And it's been four years that they've been playing their little fucking stupid charade. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| And they lost all their steam. | ||
| They lost all their steam. | ||
| There's a lot of guys who are promising comics who wound up doing that. | ||
| And they wound up bringing these scripts to Comedy Central and all these different places. | ||
| I'm executive producing this and that and that and this. | ||
| And then it all dries up. | ||
| And then their act is not good anymore. | ||
| So when you watch this Never Neverland, you're going to see people who got caught up, Jerome. | ||
| People who lived in the Simi Valley, and one day Michael Jackson came to your house and paid your bills and said, you know, I'm going to take you guys on the road with me. | ||
| You're all included. | ||
| It starts off with the room down the hall, and then next thing you know, he's in the room next to you. | ||
| Now, there's no more rooms on levels in the same hotel, so you're in the hotel next door to you, but your son, your daughter really wants... | ||
| To sleep in Michael Jackson's room, daddy. | ||
| Because you're getting thrown money to go out to dinners. | ||
| A limo's picking you up to go see you two. | ||
| You're gonna leave your two daughters with fucking Michael Jackson. | ||
| They got caught up. | ||
| This town is about getting caught up. | ||
| I'm sure Marilyn Monroe didn't come to this town thinking she was going to be sucking Kennedy's dick, Savage and Connor's dick, and fucking the baseball player's dick. | ||
| You know, they passed her around. | ||
| She was sucking, she was passing mob information to the Kennedys and back and forth. | ||
| Did you ever think about fucking that? | ||
| I mean, not Marilyn Monroe. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I too. | ||
| What the fuck, I am talking about one of them. | ||
| One of them was fucking Kennedy or she did or whatever. | ||
| Yeah, Maryland. | ||
| Maryland. | ||
| This town has been, you know... | ||
| It's always been that way. | ||
| We were talking about Fatty Arbuckle earlier. | ||
| And we look at what we pick and choose. | ||
| You don't think that nobody knew about Harvey Weinstein? | ||
| Nobody knew about Harvey Weinstein! | ||
| Nobody knew. | ||
| That's what you're telling me. | ||
| Have you seen the video where Ricky Gervais jokes around about them being friends with Harvey Weinstein in the last Golden Globes? | ||
| And then there's a whole series of people thanking Harvey, getting up there and thanking Harvey, all these, including people that have accused him of things, getting up there and thanking him and talking about how they wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| I mean, it's like fucking ten minutes long. | ||
| It's all these famous people thanking Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| Or God, LOL, and everybody's laughing. | ||
| People were just giving him so much praise. | ||
| All these super famous actors. | ||
| Daniel Day-Lewis. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| You name it. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| Faye Dunaway. | ||
| Whoever. | ||
| They're all up there thanking Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| Harvey, you're incredible. | ||
| It's crazy if you stop and think about how recent that was. | ||
| And nobody knows nothing. | ||
| I don't think they knew, unless he did it to them, what it was. | ||
| I think there's an innocence to a lot of people's perceptions about people like that, is that both parties are in on it. | ||
| The girl wants to go to him because he is going to offer her a role in a movie, and he wants the girl to come to him because she's hot and he wants his dick sucked, and they both know it. | ||
| There's those cases. | ||
| But those are very different than the ones where he holds a girl down or he takes off his robe and she expected it to be a real script. | ||
| Those are very, very different things. | ||
| And I don't know if people knew about those. | ||
| I think they thought it was more of the former than the latter. | ||
| I think they thought it was more like creepy deals he made with actresses but kept his word and they sucked his dick. | ||
| But then when you get the other stories mixed and you go, okay, it's probably because They knew, I bet the people around him knew he's a pig, but probably didn't know what the worst accusations were. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Well, they just didn't want to know, Joe. | ||
| That too. | ||
| That could be it too. | ||
| They knew, but they didn't want to know. | ||
| They had to go to his parties, they had to eat at his meals, they had to attend his functions, but they didn't really pass a line. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's those people too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then he made amazing movies too. | ||
| And in a way it's just as guilty. | ||
| If I tell you right now that I'm going to shoot Red Band and you sit here and I shoot Red Band, you get prosecuted. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get prosecuted. | ||
| You're like an accessory. | ||
| Your knowledge. | ||
| So, you know, when Epstein or Weinstein or whatever these fucking guys were doing what they were doing, you had to know. | ||
| I take you to a bar. | ||
| Within 20 minutes, you'll look at me and go, look at these guys doing blow in the bathroom. | ||
| Right or wrong? | ||
| True. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I go to fucking Dan Tanner's to eat and I see a guy. | ||
| I see a guy working a fucking... | ||
| I see a chick working a guy for the small nickel. | ||
| I even heard the guy look at him and go, 500? | ||
| It was that first row where you sit and the bar is right there. | ||
| About three, four months ago, it must have been... | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you remember when the guy from the Clippers got in trouble? | ||
| What's that guy's name? | ||
| The owner. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Sterling. | ||
| Sterling. | ||
| Donald Sterling. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When he got recorded... | ||
| It was the chick. | ||
| Yeah, it was a girl that he was banging. | ||
| But this girl, he had bought her a penthouse, he bought her a Ferrari, bought her a Bentley. | ||
| And she was, for him, super hot. | ||
| Like, look at her. | ||
| That is a pretty girl. | ||
| And he is a disgusting looking old man. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So, that was his uber side piece. | ||
| So he would just buy her everything. | ||
| But after a while, she's like, Eww. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Eww. | ||
| Pretty hot though. | ||
| In like, that kind of trashy way. | ||
| Now is that a me too situation? | ||
| No, that's, listen. | ||
| He was clear and she was clear. | ||
| They were both doing it for very specific reasons. | ||
| He bought her a bunch of really nice shit, and he was rich, and she was hot. | ||
| And that's, is that her now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that thing of her face? | |
| Oh, that was back in the day when Peperazzi were going after her. | ||
| Let me ask you a question. | ||
| Let me ask you. | ||
| You bump into this broad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Okay, at the weed store. | ||
| Is it a me-too situation if you go, listen, are you working? | ||
| Let me ask you a question. | ||
| I think they have to come to you first. | ||
| What if, okay, 500 fell out of my pocket, you suck me. | ||
| Are you soliciting prostitution? | ||
| Are you soliciting an agreement? | ||
| Or is that a me-too situation? | ||
| It's all the above. | ||
| I think... | ||
| The only way people would be comfortable with it, and even then they probably wouldn't, like if you believe in people's rights, you have the right to do anything, well you also have the right to be a hoe. | ||
| If you wanted to be a hoe. | ||
| So if the only way would ever be okay is if she made it clear that she was willing to have sex for money and this was her choice and she could do it with her body, then people would probably leave you alone. | ||
| But even then they'd be mad at you. | ||
| They'd be willing to pay for sex, you fucking disgusting piece of shit. | ||
| You're supposed to pretend that you don't want to have sex with her and that you wouldn't be willing to pay for it. | ||
| It would only be okay in everybody's eyes if it was the woman's choice. | ||
| But every time we think about, if you think about sex for money, everybody, at least I do, I automatically think about sex trafficking, which is like the worst possible case scenario, right? | ||
| If you go to a prostitute that that prostitute is, that's a sex slave, right? | ||
| That was the thing that they got the craft guy. | ||
| They were using a false accusation against that guy that got jerked off. | ||
| You know the guy who owned the Patriots? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Guy's just trying to get jerked off. | ||
| Jesus Christ, leave him alone. | ||
| His wife died a bunch of years ago. | ||
| So he goes to this place. | ||
| They're just regular hookers. | ||
| They jerked him off, and then he got in real trouble, and they were trying to connect him to, like, sex slavery. | ||
| It turned out that wasn't the case. | ||
| These are just massage ladies that jerk you off. | ||
| Like, those are real, too. | ||
| They got them all over where I live. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| In the valley, all that old strip. | ||
| You gotta be careful what you walk into. | ||
| You gotta be careful. | ||
| The place I go to, which is fucking tremendous. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I mean, just to show you. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| My punch card is full and I haven't even redeemed it. | ||
| Alright? | ||
| It's the Hung Foot Spa. | ||
| I go in there. | ||
| It's all guys and one chick. | ||
| And the chick is built like me. | ||
| And if you need a massage, they got like whatever down the street. | ||
| They got all the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thai massage? | |
| Thai. | ||
| And what's the other one that's big? | ||
| Shiatsu? | ||
| No, it's a white new corporation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Massage Envy? | |
| Massage Envy. | ||
| All those places on this block. | ||
| Listen, you go give this little Chinese chick a junk for the 40 spot and then lay a $60 tip on her. | ||
| Because it's 40 for 45 minutes. | ||
| I give her a $60 tip. | ||
| She's on me for an hour. | ||
| I leave there fucking dizzy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| She's tremendous. | ||
| Tremendous. | ||
| They usually have the one... | ||
| They have a fucking happy... | ||
| I got turned on to this by a jiu-jitsu guy. | ||
| Do they do the elbow on your back and all that good stuff? | ||
| I got turned on to this by a guy, Alberto Crane. | ||
| He goes, bro, you... | ||
| You want the best massager in town? | ||
| I'll show you. | ||
| And I go, I live right across the street. | ||
| I live right around the corner from it. | ||
| I could walk there if I wanted to. | ||
| You go in. | ||
| There's some nights I go in on date night with my wife. | ||
| We go on a date and we take sweats. | ||
| And we switch there. | ||
| And we go and they pull your things. | ||
| They fucking put your feet in the buckets. | ||
| They rub you down. | ||
| They do your shoulders, your neck. | ||
| Sometimes I don't even want people rubbing my feet. | ||
| I got that fucking fungi toenail. | ||
| I don't want your little fucking Chinese hand on my fungi toenail. | ||
| They just spread it to other fucking poor people. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| So I said, fuck it. | ||
| Let me just go with you. | ||
| Imagine you were patient zero. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| You were patient zero. | ||
| If they're rubbing your feet and then it spreads to all these people and they have to fucking trace it back to you. | ||
| Yeah, I'm the motherfucker. | ||
| I got a fungi toenail. | ||
| I even got the Groupon to get it blowtorched. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Because you go up in the valley, and the lady comes, she sticks a thing under your nail, and they blow hot. | ||
| Another lady comes in, and they got masks. | ||
| It's hysterical. | ||
| And she comes in with cold air, like cryotherapy type air. | ||
| And the other chick comes with a blowtorch, and they try to blow the fungus away. | ||
| You got to smell that. | ||
| You gotta smell that. | ||
| So I did like six appointments where they tried to burn the fungus off. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It doesn't work? | ||
| The toenail was on fire. | ||
| It doesn't work. | ||
| Let me show you. | ||
| No, it's spread to the other one now. | ||
| So now I got the big one and the one next to it, Louie. | ||
| And he is the ugliest thing in the world. | ||
| It's like one of those fucking hoops from an eagle. | ||
| Every time I go to jiu-jitsu, I try to hide it with a band-aid. | ||
| But it cuts right through the band-aid. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| I don't know what else to do. | ||
| I have to take a medication, but I don't know if my kidneys can handle it because of the blood pressure medication. | ||
| You have to take a fungi thing that zaps it. | ||
| But I took one and I tried to zap it and it still didn't kill it. | ||
| Is there anything you could apply topically or does it have to be a pill? | ||
| They talk. | ||
| I've done everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I've done everything. | ||
| The apple cinnamon cider. | ||
| The fucking Clorox. | ||
| I dipped it in. | ||
| I wrapped it in a fucking Clorox. | ||
| And it's great because I cut it. | ||
| What the best thing I do is I cut it. | ||
| Like some nights when I'm bored, I cut it. | ||
| And then I take the grinder to it. | ||
| And I grind it into like Coke powder. | ||
| And it grinds down. | ||
| You have to smell that powder to believe it. | ||
| It is so stinky. | ||
| And I just touch it. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| And I have to wipe down the fucking counter and throw it away. | ||
| But I will grind those first two toes. | ||
| It's like a fucking thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, my God. | |
| Like you're sanding your toes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's a sander that I got the extra rock for. | ||
| I had my wife go on Amazon and get like the fucking auto body. | ||
| Pumice stone? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Auto body. | ||
| This is auto body shit. | ||
| And I just fucking sand that fucking toenail down. | ||
| It's not even the toenail no more. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I said, what are you going to do? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I don't know where I got it. | ||
| It's internal. | ||
| Oh, it's internal? | ||
| Yeah, because that's how the fungus is coming out of you. | ||
| Oh, so it's in your body and then it just comes out through your toes. | ||
| So it can come out other spots? | ||
| Yeah, but I'm not getting it on my nails or nothing like that. | ||
| It's just on that one fungi toenail. | ||
| What if it came out on your balls? | ||
| Dog, listen, I'm at the age you don't want to even go down. | ||
| You ever get to a point where you don't even want your wife to suck your dick? | ||
| It's a nightmare down there. | ||
| The turtleneck, the nutsack is fucking longer than death. | ||
| It's a fucking nightmare. | ||
| I don't know how women could suck an old man dick. | ||
| Because I look at my dick in the mirror when I go to Vegas, they got those good mirrors. | ||
| Because you never really look... | ||
| When you're at home, you look at your dick and it looks the way it does every day because you're used to that mirror. | ||
| It's not that you go away and you ever walk past fucking on a vacation or something when you're on the road working. | ||
| You walk past the mirror and it catches you like, I'm getting a little fat. | ||
| Like the real hotel mirrors don't fuck around. | ||
| It's the mirror of your house. | ||
| But when you look at you, at 56, my dick has been through hell. | ||
| It's got odors you haven't smelled. | ||
| It smells like Newark, Staten Island. | ||
| The pee is different. | ||
| Have you ever smelled your pee lately? | ||
| I'm trying not to. | ||
| Remember when the old Machida was saying, drink his pee? | ||
| I'll give him a shot of my pee. | ||
| This motherfucker, this will poison you. | ||
| When I wake up in the morning, that first dose of pee is the worst smelling thing in the world. | ||
| Before I go to bed, I drink water, a little bit of tart cherry juice, and I take a fucking baby aspirin because the high level after 50 is to get the heart attack between 5.30 and 12. I was making a mistake and taking the aspirin at 7. It's too late. | ||
| You can't have a heart attack. | ||
| If you take that before you go to sleep, it's better for you. | ||
| I gotta ask you this before we stop doing this. | ||
| Before the podcast, we were talking about the betting line for this weekend. | ||
| Right, sir. | ||
| For Connor and Cowboy. | ||
| Right, sir. | ||
| And what were you saying? | ||
| What were you saying about the over-under? | ||
| You guys are both talking about it. | ||
| You're talking about the over-under. | ||
| It's like one... | ||
| One and a half is the over and under. | ||
| So what they're doing right now is... | ||
| What they did, they did something spectacular. | ||
| For starters, when you gamble, you don't gamble on the event. | ||
| You have to look at what happened the week before and what's going to happen the week after that. | ||
| Now is the prime time if you're a gambler because you have college basketball, pro basketball. | ||
| You got action every day, bitch. | ||
| This is when people lose houses. | ||
| This time of the year is bad. | ||
| You got football playoffs. | ||
| Tonight's the fucking national game. | ||
| That's big. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LSU, Clemson, college football. | |
| Tonight's big. | ||
| This is big money. | ||
| So tonight's big. | ||
| And then we have playoffs on Saturday, correct, sir? | ||
| Sunday. | ||
| So we got Conor McGregor. | ||
| So right now... | ||
| The fucking ESPN 2 made a tape where they just showed Conor. | ||
| Tonight, UFC preview airs at 8 o'clock or 6, and they'll show you both training camps and other people on the card or whatnot. | ||
| Everybody's forcing you to pork back Conor McGregor. | ||
| After this weekend, nobody, not even our man Jamie, had fucking the Tennessee Titans to beat Baltimore. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| Everybody and their mother bet Baltimore. | ||
| Even John Rowell said something. | ||
| For John Rowell to say something, it was like it wasn't going to happen. | ||
| Baltimore had been on a hot roll. | ||
| Baltimore, and there was another upset too. | ||
| Kansas City beat the Texans in Kansas City. | ||
|
unidentified
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They were down 24-0. | |
| They were down 24-0. | ||
| Will you pull up the UFC card for this weekend so I can see who's on the card? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| There's the... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So what... | ||
| Everybody's going to be trying to bet Cerrone. | ||
| What's the line at Cerrone right now? | ||
| So you can get what this is. | ||
|
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|
Plus 260. Plus 260. Over or under one and a half rounds. | |
| But if I go over one and a half, what do I make? | ||
|
unidentified
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I make a little more money, don't I? The under would be the little bit plus. | |
| It's plus 105 for under. | ||
| So I guess the money is on the over right now. | ||
| It's minus 135. How can the fucking money be in the over? | ||
| It's very slight, though. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Diego Ferreira is the favorite over Anthony Pettis. | ||
| That's an interesting fight right there. | ||
| So right there, they know something we don't know. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Diego's very good. | ||
| He's a very good fighter. | ||
| Holly Holm, Rachel Peddington. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good fight. | ||
| She's Holly Holm's given, right? | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| She's a favorite, Holly. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Rachel Peddington is tough, man. | ||
| She's very tough. | ||
| Pennington is one of those chicks that, like, she's had some last-second wins, like, against Ashley Evan Smith. | ||
| One of the, like, wildest endings in a female fight. | ||
| She gets her in a bulldog choke and chokes her unconscious with blood spraying out of her forehead. | ||
| It was a wild finish, man. | ||
| See if you can find that finish. | ||
| Ashley Evans-Smith, Raquel Pennington finishes Ashley Evans-Smith. | ||
| So right now, what does that look like, Donald Cerrone against Conor? | ||
| What's the money look like? | ||
| I don't understand the money line. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would be just talking out of my ass. | ||
| Yeah, if you bet $100 on Calwood to win, and he wins the fight, you'd get $260. | ||
| So you'd collect $360. | ||
| And if you bet $100 on Conor? | ||
| You'd have to bet $320 to win $100 on Conor. | ||
| He's minus 320. The only way you can win this weekend is with Conor and you see Conor going in there and knocking him out in the first round in the under. | ||
| But if Conor, if Fucko wrestles him and it goes five rounds... | ||
| I don't see a lot of people betting Conor in the over. | ||
| Conor looks so good that people are expecting Conor to go in there and knock him right out. | ||
| This is Raquel Pennington's fight. | ||
| So just go towards the end of it. | ||
| It was a wild fight, man. | ||
| Ashley Evan Smith is the woman who beat Fallon Fox the transgender fighter She stopped her in her fight right before she came to the UFC But it was just a wild fight man. | ||
| These girls were going to war And so at the very last I mean, I think it was like the last second of the fight she's locking her up in this bulldog choke and And this is wild. | ||
| Look at blood. | ||
| It's spraying out of her head. | ||
| Oh, they don't show the finish. | ||
| UFC is sneaky like that. | ||
| They don't want you to see the tap or the knockout. | ||
| Like, I don't get it, guys. | ||
| I work for you. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Show everybody the choke. | ||
| Why are you hiding the choke? | ||
| Anyway, maybe it's just a time constraint, but she got her in this bulldog choke. | ||
| Blood is squirting out of her head. | ||
| And then at the end of the buzzer, she lets go and the girl's out cold. | ||
| And it was just like, whoa! | ||
| It was like one of those fights. | ||
| It was, whoa! | ||
| Like when it's happening, you're like, holy shit! | ||
| You know, you see something that's just primal. | ||
| There's moments in fights that are just primal. | ||
| You know, and sometimes those moments are like, they're almost surreal. | ||
| Like, when Francis Ngannou knocked down Aleister Overeem. | ||
|
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Boom! | |
| You're like, oh! | ||
| Just primal. | ||
| Just what? | ||
| Who cut his lip? | ||
| Who fucked up? | ||
| Oh, Rosenstreich. | ||
| Oh my gosh. | ||
| Rosenstreich is now going to fight Francis. | ||
| Jarzino, Rosenstreich, and Francis Ngannou. | ||
| Where? | ||
|
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Columbus, Ohio. | |
| Columbus, Ohio. | ||
| Goddamn, that's a crazy fight. | ||
| Ugh! | ||
| I almost wish more people knew how tough Rosenstreich is. | ||
| You see the fight with Aleister over him, and you go, well, Aleister was kind of out pointing him, and then he caught Aleister slipping, really with like 10 seconds left to go in the fight, and hit him with a bomb and broke his lip open. | ||
| That's true, but he still absorbed everything that Aleister threw at him. | ||
| Never looked like he got shook at all. | ||
| And we're talking about a guy in Alistair who's knocked out Junior Dos Santos, knocked out, you know, was the K-1 Grand Prix champion. | ||
| Fucking Grand Prix. | ||
| No, tremendous resume. | ||
| The way he knocked out Todd Duffy in Pride. | ||
| Fucking knocked out our boy. | ||
| Was it rising? | ||
| He kneed your boy there, fucking the Great White Hope. | ||
| You know, what's his name? | ||
| Mark Hunt? | ||
| No, he's not the Great White Hope. | ||
| hope he's a australian oh brock lesnar brock lesnar that's a perfect example of him but meanwhile rosenstrike just walked through all that and i'm not suggesting that the the alistair of today he's had a long career that he's as durable and as big as he was when he fought brock lesnar it's really two different guys at this point but still rosenstrike is a fucking beast he's so strong man and he's got legit kickboxing skills what do you see | ||
| he can fight this is what it seems to me It seems to me that Conor McGregor has an advantage in being able to close the distance and maybe a speed advantage. | ||
| This is a perceived thing based on seeing them fight different people. | ||
| Cowboy, when he's at his best, is remarkably well-rounded. | ||
| And I think he's more well-rounded than Conor. | ||
| I think Cowboy has a lot of tools that people forget about, particularly his takedowns are excellent. | ||
| Cowboy can submit the fuck out of you. | ||
| He submits a lot of people. | ||
| He's nasty off his back. | ||
| He's got wicked triangles. | ||
| I could see if this went to the ground. | ||
| Connor getting submitted by Cowboy in a triangle. | ||
| What I couldn't see is Cowboy getting submitted by Connor in a triangle. | ||
| I could see Cowboy submitting Connor. | ||
| I don't think it's impossible for Connor to submit Cowboy, but I don't see it. | ||
| Conor can win by knockout. | ||
| He's very fast. | ||
| His left hand is a fucking piston, and he's sneaky, and he's got nasty uppercuts, and he's got a killer instinct. | ||
| When he has you hurt, he fucking bombs on you. | ||
| And the Eddie Alvarez fight is the best example of that. | ||
| Eddie Alvarez was a world-class fighter, and Conor McGregor took it to him like no one has ever done in his career, tuned him up, made him look like he had no business in the cage with him. | ||
| Now, for Eddie, he said he just fought a bad fight, and I believe him. | ||
| Eddie's a world-class fighter. | ||
| But the point is, in go time, Conor McGregor handles pressure as much or better, as good as well or better, than anyone who's ever lived. | ||
| He handles pressure so well. | ||
| He catches Floyd Mayweather with an uppercut in a fight where he's so outclassed. | ||
| He has zero boxing matches and he's fighting the greatest boxer of all time in one of the biggest pay-per-view cards ever. | ||
| It's nuts, right? | ||
| So he can handle pressure. | ||
| He lost that fight because Floyd's a way better boxer. | ||
| But he handled the pressure. | ||
| The pressure against Aldo. | ||
| Talked so much shit for a year. | ||
| Going on tour together. | ||
| Tearing pictures of him. | ||
| Stealing his belt. | ||
| Gets in front of him, flatlines him in 13 seconds. | ||
| Perfect punch. | ||
| Perfect execution. | ||
| Measures him with one left hand before that. | ||
| Steps back. | ||
| He dives in with the left. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| Catches him coming in. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| Under pressure. | ||
| He's not the kind of grappler that Nurmagomedov is. | ||
| He's not in that category. | ||
| Does he have pressure on this fight? | ||
| Oh, he's got so much pressure. | ||
| He fought the guy who everyone's terrified of, and at least he made it into the fourth round, right? | ||
| Wasn't it a fourth round submission? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he probably wasn't really prepared for that fight. | ||
| You think about how much time he'd been off of MMA, how much time he'd been working on just boxing and then spending all that money, because he made like $100 million. | ||
| The question for me is, who is Conor right now? | ||
| Is Conor McGregor the same guy that knocked out Dustin Poirier when he was a savage? | ||
| Is he the same guy that knocked out Diego Brandao? | ||
| Is he the same guy that knocked out Jose Aldo? | ||
| Is he the same guy who knocked out Eddie Alvarez? | ||
| Or is he just some new thing because of all this money and all this fame and all this attention and he likes to party? | ||
| What is he now? | ||
| If he's the same guy, physically there should be no reason why he isn't. | ||
| He hasn't taken any terrible beatings. | ||
| Even the Nurmagomedov fight, he stopped him with a choke. | ||
| If he is the same guy physically and he decides he wants to let the fucking world know that he can still do it and who gives a fuck how much money he has in the bank? | ||
| He wants to let the world know he's here to fuck people up and he's here to reclaim his crown. | ||
| If he goes into the fight with that attitude, I mean, we could certainly see a resurgence. | ||
| The question has always been whether or not a rich man has the motivation to work like a poor man. | ||
| And he's a very rich man. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| Everybody's different. | ||
| Mayweather fought hard to the day he died. | ||
| Or, excuse me, to the day he retired. | ||
| And Mayweather, during his career, was rich, like, from... | ||
| A couple years in, he was rich. | ||
| He was rich. | ||
| So he was always rich. | ||
| And still fought like the best in the world and still trained like you have to train to be the best in the world. | ||
| What type of gaps was he taking in between fights, guys? | ||
| This has been a long gap before Normaga. | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| Before Normaga Megawolf, it was a long gap. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| The game has evolved a lot. | ||
| You know, in a real world, like again, what you heard me telling Jamie was basically this. | ||
| In a real world, you know, Cerrone, what's he done in the last five fights, Cerrone? | ||
| He's had some ups and downs. | ||
| Ups and downs. | ||
| Lost to Gagey, lost to Masvidal. | ||
| Lost real bad to Darren Till. | ||
| The Darren Till one was a bad one. | ||
| So, out of the last five fights, he's two and three is what you're telling me. | ||
| Lost to Tony Ferguson. | ||
| Beat Al Iaquinta, though, and looked real fucking good doing it. | ||
| So, he's lost two. | ||
| The Gaethje fight... | ||
| And he beat Mike Perry, which was a really good fight for him. | ||
| Because Mike Perry is a big, scary guy. | ||
| Throws bombs. | ||
| So he beat him. | ||
| Lost to Leon Edwards. | ||
| I think he was sick coming into that fight, but, you know, lost either way. | ||
| And beat Yancey Medeiros in a wild fight. | ||
| So I'm just saying that in the real world, he should take him out. | ||
| People looking at him. | ||
| I don't think this is going to be that easy of a fight. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like the over. | ||
| I love D'Ova. | ||
| I can't pick a side yet, but I love D'Ova. | ||
| I could see everybody betting McGregor to win round one and something crazy happening. | ||
| I mean, in a perfect world, you know, maybe his chin's been a little suspect lately, Donald. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think he's just been fighting werewolves. | ||
| He's been fighting the toughest guys in the world. | ||
| Look, everybody's chin suspect if Darren Till is smashing your fucking nose open with an elbow. | ||
| That dude's an animal and he's big as fuck. | ||
| When Darren Till fought Cowboy, he was so much bigger than him. | ||
| There was the difference between a really big welterweight and a guy who came up from lightweight. | ||
| Darren Till's a giant dude. | ||
| I mean, his nickname's the Gorilla. | ||
| So here we go. | ||
| Yeah, he beat Iaquinta. | ||
| He beat Alexander Hernandez. | ||
| That was a fantastic fight. | ||
| That was a fantastic fight. | ||
| You can't write this kid out. | ||
| Hernandez is a young, tough guy who's talking mad shit. | ||
| But there's a giant difference between, no disrespect, to a Hernandez and a Conor McGregor. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Conor McGregor's used to those bright lights, man. | ||
| He shines. | ||
| He shines on those bright lights. | ||
| To me, the question is really just whether or not he has the motivation to train and fight like a fucking madman again. | ||
| Like he did when he was younger, when he was smashing people. | ||
| And for Cowboy, it's whether or not he can survive the early storm. | ||
| I think getting his leg kicks working would be very big because Conor likes to take that long stance. | ||
| Conor takes that long stance and he fights right leg forward. | ||
| He fights southpaw. | ||
| And if Donald can fuck up that right leg, he can figure out a way to attack that right leg. | ||
| Knees to the body coming in. | ||
| He's got to avoid the punches, though. | ||
| Yeah, if he's up there with, uh, who did I say he's with? | ||
| He's with Sergio Pettis' coach up there. | ||
| He's training. | ||
| Yeah, you said Duke Rufus. | ||
| Rufusport. | ||
| If he's at Rufusport for this camp, they're probably working on a lot of kickboxing. | ||
| But I guarantee Woodley and him are doing some wrestling takedowns. | ||
| Because he knows that's where the money's going to be. | ||
| Woodley has a big fight coming up. | ||
| Woodley's going to fight Leon Edwards. | ||
| And Leon Edwards is a dangerous man. | ||
| It's like, that's a big fight. | ||
| And Leon Edwards, for whatever reason, is not known as much as he is skillful. | ||
| You know, he beat Cowboy, like we said. | ||
| And he's the guy that got in that crazy brawl with Masvidal backstage. | ||
| Masvidal hit him with the two-piece and the soda. | ||
| But that guy's a tough, tough, tough guy. | ||
| Super highly skilled guy. | ||
| And Leon Edwards and Tyron Woodley, that's a very high stakes fight that a lot of people aren't talking about. | ||
| That's the fight for the number one contender. | ||
| Because if Tyron emerges, or if Leon emerges, and it's a big fight, and the fight goes well, that person is almost certainly... | ||
| At least considered, other than Masvidal, who's the fan favorite, and then the rematch. | ||
| Those are the two possibilities, the rematch with Colby and Usman. | ||
| Other than that, you want to see the winner of Tyron Woodley and Leon Edwards. | ||
| It just makes sense. | ||
| It makes sense that that would be the next one, or Masvidal. | ||
| That's how I would look at it. | ||
| I would look at it that way. | ||
| I would look at it like there's... | ||
| There's a lot of options. | ||
| There's a lot of options for that division. | ||
| And now Conor's talking about fighting Usman. | ||
| That would be bonkers. | ||
| So if Conor beats Cowboy and decides he feels great at this weight, he feels confident now and dedicated, he wants to make a run at the fucking champ, there's a big size difference between Usman and Conor. | ||
| Usman is a big person. | ||
| He's got a thick frame. | ||
| A lot of those 170 guys are big too. | ||
| Kobe's a big fella. | ||
| Kobe's a big fella. | ||
| Tillman's big. | ||
| So is fucking Masvidal big. | ||
| They're big at 170. There's somebody else at 170 that's deceiving as fuck too. | ||
| I think Masvidal's in the sweet spot. | ||
| He's not too big where he has to kill himself to make the weight. | ||
| But he can obviously knock out welterweights easily. | ||
| He's knocked out a lot of welterweights. | ||
| I mean, the Ben Askren one is fucking preposterous, but, of course, just even the beating that he was putting on Nate Diaz. | ||
| Masvidal can fuck people up at 170. I think him versus Conor would be insane. | ||
| You fucked me up, dog. | ||
| You fucked me up by not bringing back Duran with you. | ||
| You're just taking him back. | ||
| That fucked me up. | ||
| When I called you that morning, I thought you were telling me this. | ||
| I got Duran. | ||
| I'm going to put him up at the compound for a week. | ||
| You know, I went down a foxhole of his fights. | ||
| Oh, he was amazing. | ||
| About a month ago. | ||
| Just that whole era. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've been turning people on just until that whole era. | ||
| The other day, we were talking about... | ||
| Because I got pissed off with that fucking... | ||
| Because he said he came to the United States on the pretension that he had won three national yoga competitions in India. | ||
| And I'm not that stupid. | ||
| I grew up on Wide World of Sports. | ||
| We learned everything on Wide World of Sports. | ||
| I saw a dude catch a bullet with his mouth on Aaron Banks's... | ||
| Karate tournament, Aaron Banks. | ||
| Karate tournament? | ||
| Yeah, every year in New York City, Aaron Banks. | ||
| He caught a bullet with his teeth? | ||
| Aaron Banks would hire, there was a dude, that's what he was known for, it's on YouTube. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| I don't know how he did it, Joe. | ||
| They put a glass in front of the guy. | ||
| So a bullet goes through the glass? | ||
| 22. He'd put a special mouthpiece on, and they'd shoot, and then the glass... | ||
| How close was the glass? | ||
| Watch. | ||
| Let me go pee real quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You watch. | |
| Okay, play that for me. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| Okay, so it's just music. | ||
| That's all right. | ||
| The guy's name is Ralph. | ||
| Can I see it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, this is supposedly the video, I thought. | |
| What's happening here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe not. | |
| I'm just probably showing it in slow-mo. | ||
| There's got to be someone who snopes as this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe Penn and Teller do it now. | |
| They do it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They catch a bullet in their teeth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Well, Penn would be the first one to tell you it's bullshit. | ||
| I mean, that's... | ||
| Half of their shtick. | ||
| I should probably get him back in here. | ||
| Have him explain how the fuck someone catches a bullet in their teeth. | ||
| Bullshit might not be the way to do it, but there's a way to do it that's safer than shooting a gun at your teeth, I think. | ||
| I don't think they shoot a gun at your teeth. | ||
| Because I don't think you could do that a whole lot of times. | ||
| See, if a guy's doing that, he's doing it, I think I can do it, Dad. | ||
| Okay, give it a shot, son. | ||
| No, he's done it before, right? | ||
| If he's doing this bullet thing in front of people, I would assume that's not the first and only time he's catching a bullet in his teeth. | ||
| David Blaine did it, too. | ||
| Right, but you listening to me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| That means you have to practice. | ||
| How many times are you going to let a dude shoot you in the face? | ||
| How are you practicing that? | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| David Blaine did it with a metal cup in his mouth. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| So the metal cup caught the bullet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Another guy wore... | |
| I think this guy that Joey watched had steel dentures. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even if you had steel dentures, if somebody didn't shoot you in the face... | |
| And you gotta make sure that they don't hit your lips. | ||
| Do you know how hard it is to not hit someone? | ||
| How close do you have to be? | ||
| Where you're with a pistol? | ||
| Is that what they're using? | ||
| You can absolutely assure... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that 357? | |
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| There's no way! | ||
| That can't be real. | ||
| One person died doing it. | ||
| Of course they did. | ||
| The most famous person that died while doing the trick always performed silently because he apparently spoke no English. | ||
| When his final performance of the trick went wrong... | ||
| And he was accidentally shot in the chest. | ||
| He exclaimed in perfect English, oh my god, something's happened. | ||
| Lower the curtain. | ||
| At his autopsy, it was discovered that he was not Chinese, but an American named William Robinson. | ||
| But that's a story for another day. | ||
| We're talking about a guy whose scam was he would let people shoot him and he would catch a bullet in his teeth. | ||
| His name was Chung Ling Su and he pretended he was Chinese but then he accidentally got shot in the chest. | ||
| The guy didn't shoot him in the mouth, shot him in the chest instead. | ||
| As he drops down, he said, oh my god, something's happened. | ||
| Lower the curtain in perfect English. | ||
| So the autopsy revealed that he was not Chinese but an American named William Robinson. | ||
| Can't do that today. | ||
| Cultural appropriation. | ||
| But even back then, That's a hilarious way to die. | ||
| Was this one of the guys that was catching bullets with his teeth? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There was a couple of those fucking lunatics. | ||
| So that's how I knew. | ||
| I grew up on Wide World of Sports. | ||
| They showed you everything. | ||
| But I got caught in a foxhole. | ||
| They had Hagler. | ||
| Hagelin Durant? | ||
| Mugabe. | ||
| Ooh, Hagelin Mugabe was amazing. | ||
| Because in those days, they used to do a pay-per-view on Saturday, and then you had to wait a week for Saturday. | ||
| No, next Saturday. | ||
| The following Saturday would be on Wide World of Sports if you could hold on. | ||
| But I still remember, dog, being a fucking kid on a Saturday and watching Doon Kung Kim and Mancini kick the fuck out of each other. | ||
| Because that was live on... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it ABC? Absolutely. | |
| That was the reason why they changed the round number from 15 down to 12 after that guy died. | ||
| Where was that again? | ||
| This was in Las Vegas, Nevada. | ||
| It looks like it's outside, doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah, it is outside. | ||
| It's outside. | ||
| Yeah, I still remember this. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Tim Ryan. | ||
|
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|
This had to be January or February of 83. Dude, this was a crazy fucking fight. | |
| November of 82, like two months before that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
November of 82. Mancini was an animal. | |
| Remember when he fought Alexis Arguello? | ||
| I think that's this right here. | ||
| The Korean guy, Duke Hong King, God rest his soul, wrote on a piece of wood before he went out to fight him, kill or be killed. | ||
| That guy was a tough motherfucker. | ||
| Ray Boom Boom Mancini. | ||
| Tough motherfucker. | ||
| This was 1979. He was 21 years old. | ||
| Is this the Dukku Kim fight? | ||
| So imagine he killed somebody when he was 21 years old in a fight. | ||
| That is hardcore, man. | ||
| That's a hard pill to swallow. | ||
| Probably both things, and then also probably how to make weight. | ||
| A lot of deaths in boxing apparently happen in the lower weight classes, and one of the reasons is that when these guys... | ||
| Actually enter into fights, a lot of times they're still dehydrated. | ||
| They would dehydrate themselves pretty bad in the weigh-ins to get to whatever weight class it was, like 134. But he probably weighs, you know, 134 and a quarter is what he weighed in. | ||
| He probably walks around like 150-ish or something like that. | ||
| And they dehydrate themselves, and it's very difficult to rehydrate the brain, apparently. | ||
| It's not as quick and easy as it is rehydrating the body, and even that takes some time. | ||
| So, most of the deaths in boxing have occurred, most of them. | ||
| It's still very dangerous, even for the heavyweight division. | ||
| There was a guy who went into a coma, a Russian guy, in a fight a few years back. | ||
| But in the lighter weight divisions, they think it's generally when people get more likely to die from fights. | ||
| And they think it might have something to do with cutting weight. | ||
| But it's also really skillful people punching each other in the head. | ||
| The Gerald McClellan fight is a good example that they always point to because Gerald McClellan, who was just a straight-up murderer when he was a light heavyweight, Really struggled to make weight, man, real bad. | ||
| And in one fight with Nigel Benn, Nigel Benn got off the deck, and it looked like he was out, and made it back into the ring, fought his ass off, and then started taking it to Gerald. | ||
| But this don't come right here again. | ||
| Yeah, and that was the end of the fight after Ray Mancini stopped him. | ||
| Everybody's all happy, but then the guy slides into a coma and winds up dying. | ||
| See, he's sitting there, like, so he's really battered. | ||
| They think, again, they think it might have something to do with cutting weight. | ||
| It's a fucking horrible, horrible way to go, man. | ||
| But kill or be killed, that's what he signed up for. | ||
| That's what he wrote before he went out there to fight him. | ||
| I mean, and he fought that way, too. | ||
| You know what I saw recently? | ||
| It was one of the wildest fights. | ||
| Roberto Duran and Sugar Ray Leonard won. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Is it wild? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's one from Toronto, right? | ||
| Toronto was the first one. | ||
| Louisiana was the second one. | ||
| Montreal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| Montreal was the first one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a really good one. | ||
| God damn it was good. | ||
| That's a really good one. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| There's some crazy. | ||
| Papina Cuevas. | ||
| There's some crazy fights on there. | ||
| These guys were so fast. | ||
| Both Leonard and Duran were so fast back then. | ||
| And Leonard was just... | ||
| I mean, he was America's darling Olympic gold medalist, handsome sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| And Roberto Duran was a straight-up savage who was sponsored by a cigarette company. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He's got a cigarette company logo on his back. | ||
| That was a cigarette company, wasn't it? | ||
| Looks like Marlboro. | ||
| I think he had a cigarette company sponsor him. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| Maybe it was just a design. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| And he just jumped on top of Sugar Ray Leonard and wouldn't let him breathe. | ||
| And Sugar Ray decided to try to fight his fight. | ||
| Squirt up to the fight. | ||
| Squirt up a little to the fight. | ||
| Sugar Ray just decided to try to engage him up close like this. | ||
| So they fought these kind of fights like this in the clinch. | ||
| Total fucking chaos kind of fighting which favors Duran. | ||
| Duran was just a relentless mauling animal. | ||
| You love that shit. | ||
| But see how he's like wrestling with him and fucking underhooking him and pushing him against the ring, staying in his face. | ||
| He's not giving him any chance to move. | ||
| And in the rematch, obviously Sugar Ray fought a totally different fight and got Roberto Duran to quit. | ||
| But it was an amazing fight. | ||
| And historically, one of the greatest boxing matches ever. | ||
| Just chaos. | ||
| As Sugar Ray Leonard had taken a chance, and his ego probably got the better of him. | ||
| Said, I'm going to beat you at your own game, or try to it. | ||
| And Duran just stuck to him like glue, and just ripped out his body, and stayed on him. | ||
| And then after it's over, Duran still pushed him away. | ||
| He was like, get the fuck away from me. | ||
| After the fight was over, Duran was still mad at him. | ||
| Great head movement, man. | ||
| It was in Montreal. | ||
| It was in Canada because a couple days before the fight, Duran bumped into Sugar Ray Leonard. | ||
| And Sugar Ray, being the nice guy that he is, had his wife with him and his kids. | ||
| And he goes, come on, let's go over and say hello to Roberto. | ||
| And he goes, Roberto, como esta? | ||
| And Roberto was like, get the fuck out of my face before I fuck your wife in the ass. | ||
| He said, read the book. | ||
| The book I gave you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I believe it. | |
| Read the book. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| And it got into Sugar Ray's head so badly that that was how he beat him. | ||
| He said that to him. | ||
| I'm going to fuck your wife in the ass. | ||
| See? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, he comes running back at him and pushes him. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look, put the fuck away from me. | ||
| See that shit? | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| Still screaming at him. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Screaming at him. | ||
| After a war. | ||
| Duran beat him. | ||
| Duran was a monster. | ||
| He was so angry. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Bro, even after all that fighting, still angry. | ||
| Look at Mama La Pinga. | ||
| That's what he's saying. | ||
| Mama La Pinga, yeah. | ||
| He was a fucking savage. | ||
| He was an intelligent savage. | ||
| Like a savage technician. | ||
| You know, his boxing was so beautiful. | ||
| Duran was like, he just knew how to nullify you. | ||
| Take away all, and put his will on you, man. | ||
| Animal. | ||
| I gotta wrap this up, Joey. | ||
| I got another podcast I gotta do. | ||
| I love you, brother. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love you, too. | |
| Thank you very much. | ||
| I won't see you this week. | ||
| When am I gonna see you again? | ||
| Tuesday? | ||
| Tomorrow night? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm gonna be at Sam Tripoli's thing tomorrow. | ||
| Oh, I'll be there. | ||
| It's me and you. | ||
| Then I'm gonna be at the Improv at 10.30. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll see you then. | |
| It's me and you. | ||
| And then I got Tabernacle next week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Atlanta. | ||
| I love that place. | ||
| That's why I did the special with you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why I thought Brendan Schaub was gonna beat me up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| I love you, brother. | ||
| I love you, too, man. | ||
| Good to see you, Jamie. | ||
| Make the right choice tonight. |
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