Dec. 21, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:00:47
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Brian Callan had his first taste of turmeric coffee. | ||
| Do you know there's an R in turmeric? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A lot of people don't. | ||
| I've been eating turmeric since, well, the 70s, back when I was living in India. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would have bet my life there was no R until about four months ago. | |
| I didn't think there was an R. Turmeric. | ||
| I thought it was turmeric. | ||
| I thought it was T-U-M-E-R-I-C or whatever. | ||
| No, the Indians have been using it forever. | ||
| Oh yeah, they have, but I'm just saying I didn't know how to spell it. | ||
| That's why as a kid I had no inflammation in my body. | ||
| You just ate turmeric all the time. | ||
| Did your pee smell weird? | ||
| I was the turmeric kid. | ||
| What else makes your pee smell weird besides asparagus? | ||
| I think sometimes coffee. | ||
| Look, I'm 52. My body is betraying me, which is why I'm having my Laird Hamilton Super Coffee right now. | ||
| That's good stuff, right? | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| His body's not betraying him. | ||
| He's still jacked at 55. What happens is when your body is... | ||
| I feel like I'm in wet cement when I wake up. | ||
| Now, for the first time in my life, my feet, I've got to warm them up before I get out of bed, all that bullshit. | ||
| Now, old Brian's going to a doc. | ||
| I'm going to tell you this right now on Joe Rogan. | ||
| I'm going to get jacked. | ||
| I told you. | ||
| If I look a little veinier and my skin looks a little more flushed, don't ask questions. | ||
| Just know that I've got a good doctor. | ||
| You've got to get on the TRT, Brian. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| I can't wait. | ||
| I should have got on a long time ago. | ||
| Why didn't you listen to me? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because I want to think that my body, my testosterone is a little higher than everybody else's. | ||
| It was an ego thing. | ||
| But now, you know what? | ||
| We're all mortal. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like little things. | ||
| Well, I have wear and tear for sure from all the years of beating up my body, like joints and stuff like that. | ||
| Like I just had to get some stem cells shot into my knee. | ||
| I've had some shot into my shoulder, stuff like that. | ||
| But in terms of like energy and like vitality and health, I feel fucking great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Here's what I do. | ||
| Here's my, here's my, I can see it. | ||
| You got a real, you got a, ooh, you're wiggly. | ||
| I'm 52. I feel fucking great. | ||
| I'm in the sauna almost every day. | ||
| I have a sauna here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Really? | ||
| You and I are going to sauna after this Russian style. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's do it. | |
| Let's do it. | ||
| Dude, it's so good for you, man. | ||
| It means something. | ||
| Something's happening. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| After I get out of there, I'm just a little looser. | ||
| It's a percentage. | ||
| I don't know what percentage it is. | ||
| Is it 10%? | ||
| Is it more? | ||
| But there's a feeling that you get after you do a good sauna session where everything is just like... | ||
| Yeah, but you know, a lot of this also has to do with arriving at a point in your life where you're happy with what you've done, the decisions you've made. | ||
| So I sleep, for me, eight hours of sleep, seven and a half hours, and then as long as I don't eat... | ||
| For 12 hours. | ||
| So if I finished eating at 8, I'll start eating at 8 again or 10. That for me, 12 to 14 hours, I guess it's intermittent fasting. | ||
| Those two things, I haven't had a cold in, I don't know, 15 months. | ||
| You're so trendy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Pavel Tatsulin, who's amazing. | ||
| Love that guy. | ||
| Fucking such an honor to have him in here. | ||
| I'm a big fan of that guy. | ||
| He told me he eats one today. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Big giant meal at dinner. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| At dinner? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| So how does he stay... | ||
| He's just hard, bro. | ||
| Like nails. | ||
| Yeah, but I think I get fucking skinny. | ||
| He shakes your hand like this. | ||
| He looks you in the eye and shakes your head. | ||
| I'm like, bro, are we fighting? | ||
| What's happening here? | ||
| This is a fucking heavy-duty handshake, son. | ||
| Just a resting alpha. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| And his methods are so contrary to how you would normally think about weightlifting in particular, going to failure all the time, but yet also make sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's saying do it more often, have longer breaks. | ||
| It's about strength. | ||
| Strength is the most important thing. | ||
| Strength. | ||
| His company is called Strength First for that reason. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, if you can do something for 10 repetitions, you want to do about 5, and then you want to wait between 5 and 10 minutes before you do it again. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| Most of us do not have that kind of fucking time. | ||
| And for sure, you can get in tremendous shape with a CrossFit workout or a HIIT, high intensity, where you're doing box jumps. | ||
| I prefer that. | ||
| There's some people out there that are in phenomenal shape working out like that. | ||
| But what makes sense about what he's saying is the amount of time required for your body to recover. | ||
| If you give yourself your body's ability to recover in between sets, you let everything sort of come back to baseline before you jack it up again like another set. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like your body has more time to recover and you can perform more work. | ||
| And so your body adapts better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The idea is that you're overwhelming your body when you're going to failure. | ||
| You're just beating the shit out of it. | ||
| You're also getting injured. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| The guys get injured. | ||
| It's not fair, so fair, but my impression of every CrossFit athlete that I know is always like this. | ||
| Watch. | ||
| No, I'm getting back into it. | ||
| I just got to pull the... | ||
| Something's always... | ||
| That's jiu-jitsu too, man. | ||
| Yes, same thing. | ||
| And I'm a big proponent of that as well. | ||
| But as you get older, I can't get injured. | ||
| I'm doing... | ||
| I don't know if you know this, but I'm a thespian. | ||
| I'm on a show called Schooled. | ||
| I'm ABC, guys. | ||
| And you jump around a lot. | ||
| You're very physical. | ||
| I'm very physical. | ||
| You're like a dancer. | ||
| By the way, do you want to talk about physical? | ||
| On the show, we had Bill Goldberg on. | ||
| And you know Bill. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| The best. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Now, he walks around at a... | ||
| Very trim. | ||
| He's my age. | ||
| Oh, 260. When he was wrestling, he was 280. And what you don't realize is he played professional football for, I think it was four or seven years. | ||
| So he's the real deal. | ||
| And just a real athlete. | ||
| Also a very nice guy. | ||
| The best. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| He hosted a show called Garage Mahal and they redid my garage and turned it into a whole training center with a cage. | ||
| They put a cage and hung heavy bags and put pictures of old UFC fights on the wall. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| He's a guy who brings it 100%, like every time, whether it's acting and so. | ||
| And by the way, he comes in and I'm like, your neck looks so thick. | ||
| He goes, first thing I work out. | ||
| First thing. | ||
| He's one of those guys like Chuck Liddell when you're close to him. | ||
| He breathes differently. | ||
| Like, you know, when you went with a race car. | ||
| Like he's... | ||
| You're like, what's going on? | ||
| Like a fucking Shelby GT500. I'm like, how much did you sleep? | ||
| He's like, I don't sleep. | ||
| And anyway, so we had this thing where I was playing a quarterback. | ||
| Look at the fucking size of that guy. | ||
| Oh, it's ridiculous. | ||
| That's what he looks like right now. | ||
| That's what he looks like right now. | ||
| And insisted. | ||
| He's so big! | ||
| He had a stunt double. | ||
| The stunt double didn't do anything. | ||
| He did all the stunts himself to the point where he had to rush... | ||
| At me in a touch football game. | ||
| I'm the quarterback. | ||
| And he had to hit two dudes. | ||
| Bro, look at that picture. | ||
| I mean, he smoked a little weed before this podcast. | ||
| I'm not going to lie to people. | ||
| But that picture's kind of freaking me out. | ||
| He's got a great body. | ||
| He's so big. | ||
| He's so massive. | ||
| But here's the thing about him, man. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| The profession of professional wrestling is unbelievably brutal on your body. | ||
| And all those guys, I don't think, get respected enough for how hard that job is to do. | ||
| They're doing it hundreds of nights. | ||
| 200 plus nights a year. | ||
| And they're throwing each other around and they get smashed. | ||
| But what I was going to say is he has come out of it Better than most. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| For sure. | ||
| Because he's never stopped working out and he never stopped stretching. | ||
| So we'll be on set. | ||
| That guy's stretching. | ||
| He says length is strength. | ||
| He's always moving his body. | ||
| Like Kurt Angle told me on the set of Warrior, he told me that he got injured way more. | ||
| He's a gold medalist in the Olympics as a wrestler. | ||
| Got injured way more doing professional wrestling. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| And Bill told me the same thing. | ||
| But he had to come at me and he said, look, I'm going to knock these two guys down, and I'm coming for your head. | ||
| I'm going to dive and come in your head. | ||
| So you have to duck. | ||
| This is unschooled? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So I'm like, oh, okay. | ||
| So you have to duck. | ||
| But I had never seen, I'd never been that close to a former pro football player. | ||
| These are stun men, strong guys. | ||
| But it's a different thing. | ||
| He would just come off that line, and his speed, and he would hit these two dudes with his, he'd go... | ||
| Like that. | ||
| And the thud. | ||
| It sounded like maybe when two elephants hit, like just... | ||
| You know that... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they would go... | ||
| They went flying backwards, horizontal, and then he comes and dives and would come for my head. | ||
| We kept having to do the takeover because I'm a coward. | ||
| And I would... | ||
| You know, I look like a potato bug. | ||
| You know where you... | ||
| Anyway... | ||
| I feel like Goldberg is a guy who could do the same kind of movies that The Rock does. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| I feel like he could be a gigantic movie star. | ||
| I think he's a good actor. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| He's really good on the show. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's a gigantic dude. | ||
| I think he could be a big movie star. | ||
| I think he could do any kind of those action movies. | ||
| I know he's done a bunch. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| But I mean, I think he could be a huge megastar. | ||
| He's got all the personality. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Smart, funny. | ||
| Yeah, he's smart. | ||
| He's with it. | ||
| Like, you talk to the guy, he's right there. | ||
| And very humble for a fucking ridiculously huge giant person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| But such a weird athlete. | ||
| His hands. | ||
| His fingers. | ||
| I was like, how do you dial a cell phone? | ||
| Your fingers are too fucking thick. | ||
| You're hitting two numbers. | ||
| Jimmy Pedro, who was working for Fuji at the time, and they installed... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| He was working for Zebra, excuse me, at the time. | ||
| He works for Fuji now. | ||
| Jimmy Pedro is a gold medalist at the Olympics for Judo. | ||
| And Jimmy Pedro set everything up. | ||
| They put these mats down on a raised platform so it had a little bounce to it. | ||
| Like if you fell, you got slammed or something like that. | ||
| And so they tested it out. | ||
| And so by testing it out, Jimmy Pedro, who probably weighs... | ||
| 175 maybe? | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| You know, lean, thin, very strong guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Throwing around Goldberg. | ||
| Oh, he was? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, Goldberg was letting him. | ||
| He was executing throws on him. | ||
| And Goldberg will throw himself. | ||
| But you see Pedro's technique is such that it's so good that he can do this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Like, look how easy. | ||
| That's my garage, son. | ||
| So watch how he does this. | ||
| I mean, this is also, this is Jimmy Pedro. | ||
| Way after he's done competing. | ||
| He teaches now. | ||
| But look at that. | ||
| Boom, son. | ||
| Look at that technique. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| There's hip tosses. | ||
| Fucking perfect. | ||
| Just perfect technique. | ||
| Look how much bigger Goldberg is than him. | ||
| But he can throw him around. | ||
| And now he's showing Goldberg how to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Goldberg knows all this shit already. | ||
| You ever see him kick and punch? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I have. | ||
| I've seen him work out. | ||
| He's fucking legit as fuck. | ||
| Very much so. | ||
| That's an uneducated statement. | ||
| He's fucking legit as fuck. | ||
| He's legit as fuck. | ||
| No, I said he's fucking legit as fuck. | ||
| I added an extra fuck and it ruined the whole sentence. | ||
| It's all about harmony. | ||
| Like I said, he's with it. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| He's also remarkably uninjured for someone who did what he did for so long. | ||
| He knows a lot about exercise physiology. | ||
| I know he's got some bumps. | ||
| I know he's got some shit going wrong, but he still looks like him. | ||
| A lot of these guys are fucked up, man, where the back injuries have forced them to be very tight and They're rigid and they can't move so good anymore. | ||
| That's where Diamond Dallas Page has done an amazing job, is getting these guys into yoga and getting these guys specifically into his style of yoga, which is a lot of dynamic tension stuff too. | ||
| He's helped so many of those guys get over serious back injuries. | ||
| He has? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dallas' back was fucked up, man. | ||
| I mean, all those years of getting body slammed, all those years of picking up giant guys, all that shit, his back was fucked up. | ||
| And he still has a fucked up back. | ||
| But he does yoga every day, and his back is so strong that it keeps everything in place. | ||
| So all those yoga techniques, what's really done better than anything for these wrestlers is stabilize their back through a dynamic range. | ||
| You're doing standing bow. | ||
| You're leaning forward and doing that T thing when you stand on one leg. | ||
| All that kind of shit is tremendous for your spine and your cord. | ||
| And so that protects a lot of guys with back injuries. | ||
| That's him right there? | ||
| Yes, dude. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Bro, he's in his 60s. | ||
| He did that without even... | ||
| He did that without even warming up out here in the garage. | ||
| I could never do that. | ||
| He just picks up his foot and stands up like that. | ||
| Bam! | ||
| I think Dallas is like 66 or something like that. | ||
| He's in tremendous shape. | ||
| He's a great guy, too. | ||
| That's crazy! | ||
| Super infectious personality. | ||
| He's so friendly and happy, and he does so much for other people that are sick and injured. | ||
| He's got a bunch of videos of these guys, like that guy right there. | ||
| Who was so fucked up that he was walking with crutches. | ||
| He could barely get along. | ||
| And by the end of it, Dallas had him running. | ||
| He had him doing yoga. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| He's standing on his head. | ||
| The guy lost a shitload of weight. | ||
| Keeping flexible is more important than anything else, I think. | ||
| Dallas helps these guys. | ||
| He had a separate house, right? | ||
| Where he was keeping Jake the Snake and a couple of these guys in. | ||
| He had a separate house for them. | ||
| He was helping rehabilitate them and bring them back to health. | ||
| The other thing about getting older is you get sore faster. | ||
| I had to have a... | ||
| That's such a stupid thing. | ||
| I had to have a wrestling match with my jeans. | ||
| Don't ask. | ||
| I couldn't get them off in the show. | ||
| Why don't you get stretchy jeans? | ||
| No, but it was part of the comedy, you know... | ||
| Oh, that you couldn't move good in your jeans? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they give you extra tight jeans? | ||
| Guys, I don't want to give away the episode of school. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| You're going to have to wait. | ||
| Can you see your hug? | ||
| Can you see your hug in your pants? | ||
| I tie it to my leg. | ||
| I wear it in a holster, as you know, because he's unruly. | ||
| And he's always wanting to get in a feed bucket, if you know what I mean. | ||
| That wasn't part of the joke though, wasn't your hog? | ||
| No, but I had to do that like 50 takes and, well, I was sore the next day. | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| I was sore the next day. | ||
| Did you have mats? | ||
| From comedy. | ||
| I was sore from physical comedy yesterday. | ||
| That's some serious physical comedy. | ||
| That is a point that I've... | ||
| I've heard before, and I don't know if this is true, but many people have told me, and this is like this long-standing thing, that, you know, Chevy Chase is kind of known as a grumpy guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They said that Chevy Chase did so many pratfalls that he's in pain all the time. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Just stop and think about all the times you saw Chevy Chase fall down in movies and in TV shows. | ||
| And one of the things that happens, obviously, to older athletes that play football or combat sports or boxing is getting beat up like that, getting slammed around like that. | ||
| They get bad backs. | ||
| They get headaches. | ||
| They get a little bit of PTSD. You just don't feel good. | ||
| You're always in pain. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially the athletes get the PTSD. But what you're seeing with him, it very well could be that that guy hurt his body real bad doing pratfalls. | ||
| Buster Keaton, who was like the very first ever stuntman, who did crazy shit, man. | ||
| Have you ever watched some old Buster Keaton films? | ||
| The stunts that that guy did back when they couldn't fake anything. | ||
| Like, nuts. | ||
| But he was always getting beat up. | ||
| His body was fucked up, man. | ||
| Yeah, let's hear Chevy Chase falling down. | ||
| Bro, I got news for you. | ||
| This is all legit. | ||
| And he fell a lot, man. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| He was almost like a Tom Green type character, but also a brilliant actor and comedian. | ||
| So he fell all the fucking time. | ||
| So I'm guessing, as a person who's fallen a bunch of times, that guy's probably in pain a lot. | ||
| Like all the time. | ||
| People always say Chevy Chase is so grumpy. | ||
| Maybe he's just fucking in pain all the time. | ||
| Yeah, maybe he just doesn't feel good. | ||
| There's no way! | ||
| Dude, that's just a few. | ||
| He fell on Saturday Night Live all the time. | ||
| Didn't he fall on Fletch? | ||
| Remember that cop movie? | ||
| National Lampoon, I think you fell through the ceiling. | ||
| Fell at everything. | ||
| Bro, you fell through everything. | ||
| So for me, some of it might have been Steinman. | ||
| I was boxing so much, and what I would do is I would just get in the ring, and I would just start hitting the mitts kind of light. | ||
| And by light, I mean, you know, I don't know, 30%. | ||
| And then in about a minute, I'm going full because I'm warmed up. | ||
| I feel great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a guy who is a trainer walked by, he used to be a pro football player, and now he trains a lot of pro athletes and he knows his shit. | ||
| And he walked by and he goes, he looks at me and he goes, Chris Camacho. | ||
| Chris looked at me and goes, he goes, Not warming up again, huh? | ||
| Guy in his 50s? | ||
| Cool, just going at it, huh? | ||
| And he just looked at me and kind of went, yeah. | ||
| That's all he said. | ||
| He knew, he knew. | ||
| And sure enough, sure enough, I'm still, now I haven't been able to box in, I don't know, three months. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Because I fucked myself up. | ||
| Because I didn't warm up. | ||
| You're talking to a moron who had stem cells shot in his knee the other day because I tore my meniscus in a kicking contest with Joe Schilling when I had my pants on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I saw him. | |
| I'm a moron. | ||
| No warm-up at all. | ||
| I was like, there's no... | ||
| Full blast. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| No, it's got a... | ||
| It gives a little bit. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Because it's a padded thing that's a block that sits on the board that measures the amount of power. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I was watching you kick it going, that's not good. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| That wall's not giving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Done it. | ||
| I'll tell you one thing though. | ||
| I'm not confident enough to side kick it, like turning back kick it, like really do the hardest kick that I could do into it. | ||
| It doesn't give enough. | ||
| Like a spinning back kick or a turning side kick, the amount of torque that's involved, when you have that knee up and you're turning the corner and then you shove that fucking thing through, Like, oh my god, the amount of torque that's involved, if that thing doesn't move, that's going to all be in your knee. | ||
| I'm not interested in doing that, so I won't do that. | ||
| But I'll kick it, roundhouse kick. | ||
| Roundhouse kick is just, roundhouse kick you can kick a fucking bag that's not even going to give it all. | ||
| Like, they have those Fairtex bags that are like 300 pounds. | ||
| You ever seen those big, giant, fat ones? | ||
| You can dig into that motherfucker and your leg's okay. | ||
| Your leg kind of gives too. | ||
| There's like a little bit of flex to a roundhouse kick. | ||
| But a straight kick, it's like so much of it is on the joint of the knee. | ||
| So much of it, like a side kick in particular, so much of it when you extend, like there's a lot of pressure on that knee and a lot of pressure on the foot too if you hit it wrong. | ||
| Like if you hit it with the ball of the foot instead of the heel, oh my god, you could break your ankle. | ||
| I feel like guys like Henry Cejudo, those guys coming out of the Olympic training centers, like the national coach for the USA gymnastics team, he was like, my athletes don't get injured, for the most part. | ||
| He said, because the way we... | ||
| Build them structurally. | ||
| And the boring as shit exercises we have our athletes do before they start kind of putting that kind of pressure on their joints is pedantic. | ||
| It's piecemeal. | ||
| But I always wonder, like, I'll see someone like Cejudo, who is a fucking, obviously a maniac with the way he trains. | ||
| But he, there's a science. | ||
| When you live at the Olympic Training Center, there's a science with all those guys. | ||
| They're working out. | ||
| There's no meathead shit. | ||
| Oh, no question at all. | ||
| They're working out very specifically. | ||
| He had those Neuroforce guys in here. | ||
| That's the name of the company, right? | ||
| Neuroforce. | ||
| That helped train him. | ||
| They have all these really high-tech, cutting-edge training methods. | ||
| But, you know, he did get injured. | ||
| He fucked his shoulder up in his last fight. | ||
| He's actually had surgery. | ||
| In a fight, yeah. | ||
| Because that's not natural. | ||
| Yeah, the T.J. Dillashaw fight, which happened, you know, it was a very quick... | ||
| Oh, no, no, no. | ||
| Marlon Marais. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It was a Marlon Marais fight. | ||
| It was post-T.J. Dillashaw. | ||
| That Marlon Marais fight was fucking incredible. | ||
| The fact that that guy was able to weather that storm of that first round, and look, Marlon Marais in that first round looked like an assassin. | ||
| He looked like one of the best fighters ever. | ||
| And then Cejudo, and he is, but Cejudo just changed everything in the second round. | ||
| He got in his face, he put it to him, he pressured him, and Marlon was, he felt too big, too big when he was cutting the weight. | ||
| Like he came in too heavy and it was too much of a drain on him. | ||
| And Cejudo just overwhelmed him. | ||
| How would Aldo do against Cejudo? | ||
| I've heard from other MMA fighters that they'd like to see that matchup. | ||
| You really would never know until they fought. | ||
| You'd never know. | ||
| But I like Aldo at 135 pounds. | ||
| He looks so good against Marais. | ||
| It's interesting that the UFC, it seems like, is saying that Aldo could get a title shot even though he lost the decision to Marais. | ||
| So I haven't talked to anybody. | ||
| I don't know what their position is on that decision. | ||
| I didn't think the decision was right. | ||
| I felt like Aldo controlled so much more of the fight. | ||
| I've said it a hundred times. | ||
| I'll say it 101. I don't like the way these fights are scored. | ||
| I don't think we should be using this really blunt tool for fine work. | ||
| I think there's a lot that goes on in a fight, and we should probably have a conference where martial arts experts and, you know, whether it's from different disciplines, wrestling, kickboxing, whatever, everybody get together and just let's try to come up with a better solution. | ||
| Someone should be able to come up with a better scoring system. | ||
| It doesn't have to be one to ten. | ||
| This one to ten is so arbitrary. | ||
| Did you see Aldo landing more shots? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I felt like he was pressuring way more. | ||
| He felt like he was hitting them harder, particularly after the first round. | ||
| The first round, Marais has one of the very best switch kicks in the game, man. | ||
| His left high switch kick, he fucks everybody up with that man. | ||
| Well, he got hit with it. | ||
| The first shot that Marais threw was that fucking switch kick, man. | ||
| His left switch kick is a thing of beauty. | ||
| It's so fast, but it's also so loose. | ||
| He throws it like a whip, man. | ||
| It surprises you. | ||
| It surprises me. | ||
| And I've seen him do it to Jimmy Rivera. | ||
| I've seen him do it to... | ||
| Who else did he do it to? | ||
| He's done it to a bunch of guys. | ||
| He just comes out of nowhere. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Who the fuck else did he catch with that left switch kick? | ||
| I can't... | ||
| Aljamain Sterling. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He caught him with it too. | ||
| Dude, he knocked Aljamain out cold. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Watch this shit. | ||
| So Marais' switch kick is like, if you wanted to model yourself after switch kick, it would be his to the head and Barboza's to the body. | ||
| They're very different. | ||
| They're very different switch kicks. | ||
| Because his is like faster. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| It's like he throws it and you don't see it coming. | ||
| Yeah, throw it right there. | ||
| Let's see it. | ||
| I want to see the actual one that he landed on Aldo. | ||
| See, that was perfect right there, but go to the one that he did on Aldo if you can find that. | ||
| The switch kick he landed on Aldo early in the first round. | ||
| He does it so, it's like a whip. | ||
| It's so loose. | ||
| It seems like he just does it effortlessly. | ||
| Barboza's, though, to the body and to the legs. | ||
| I've been caged for that against Paul Felder. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Barboza switch kick is so crazy. | ||
| You just go, what? | ||
| Is there frames missing from that video? | ||
| Horrifying. | ||
| It's like there's frames missing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who edited it? | ||
| Who edited it? | ||
| Well, the guy, I think, the guy who just fought our boy Uriah Faber. | ||
| Ryan looked great too. | ||
| 40 years old looked phenomenal, but Jesus. | ||
| Piotr Jan is a monster. | ||
| He's a monster. | ||
| He's so strong. | ||
| It's a stacked division, man. | ||
| He's strong, man. | ||
| He's one of those dudes that looks normal, but I think he's way stronger than he looks. | ||
| There's guys that exist like that. | ||
| Like chimp strength. | ||
| A lot of them are Russian. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| A lot of them are Russian. | ||
| There's something about some of those Russian dudes. | ||
| You grab them and you're like, hey, what are you made out of? | ||
| And Russian, by the way, you can also say most of the great wrestlers and stuff are from places like Azerbaijan, Dagestan, the Turkmen people, where fighting is a way of life. | ||
| Okay, watch how he does this. | ||
| Watch how loose this is. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I mean, that's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, but Aldo looks great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so sweet! | |
| See how it whips? | ||
| Like, I'm telling you, man, he might be the best in the world with that left high switch. | ||
| See, Aldo still had his hand up there. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, look, Aldo's fine. | ||
| But he did rock him. | ||
| He definitely caught him. | ||
| And I don't care who the fuck you are, that right there is going to hurt. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| See, it didn't really block. | ||
| It just glanced off the top of his head. | ||
| Dude, Aldo looks amazing at 135. He looks amazing. | ||
| I think he could be a world champion at 135. No bullshit. | ||
| I can't believe he can suck that guy. | ||
| He's only 33! | ||
| I was going to say, and I have no problem with him fighting for the title. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because for nine years he was untouchable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nine years. | ||
| He's either 32 or 33. He is not old. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's in his athletic prime. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| A lot of miles on him, though. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| You see a lot of scar tissue on him, but still, he's got a zest for fighting. | ||
| He fought really hard this past fight. | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| I mean, whether or not you'd agree with the decision or not, it's a conversation, really. | ||
| I mean, I'm not right. | ||
| I have my own opinion. | ||
| I felt like Aldo did enough to win. | ||
| I felt like, I think people, they... | ||
| I think there was a moment in the first round where you could say Marais took control early, landed some good shots, and then he did get the taketown later in the fight, in the first round. | ||
| The first round is like a tricky one. | ||
| The first round's a tricky one. | ||
| I could see you giving that to Marais. | ||
| It's still a close fight. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| I mean, I was fine with either one. | ||
| I wanted Aldo because I love Aldo. | ||
| I just don't buy the way they're scoring things. | ||
| It just doesn't make any sense to me. | ||
| I just don't know how you're going to get a 10-9 and then another 10-9 is a totally different thing. | ||
| You could have a 10-9 where a guy beats the shit out of a guy, and you could have a 10-9 where who knows who won the round. | ||
| You could have a 10-9 where almost nothing happens, or you could have a 10-9 that's crazy. | ||
| That doesn't make sense to me. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| Boxing is definitely more clear. | ||
| Did you like the release? | ||
| Boxing has two weapons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Two weapons. | ||
| Two weapons. | ||
| No takedowns. | ||
| No submission attempts. | ||
| What's better? | ||
| A takedown or punches? | ||
| What's better? | ||
| A jab or a body kick? | ||
| What's better? | ||
| What's better? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We've got to figure this out. | ||
| You can't just have guys lose decisions and there's decisions being made by people who shouldn't even be in this conversation as far as what's more or less valuable in terms of technique. | ||
| I would score it like this. | ||
| I think, so if you're a boxer, landing a jab is always easier than landing a right hand against somebody who's equally as good as you are, okay? | ||
| So landing a right hand's a motherfucker. | ||
| So for me, I would always count... | ||
| So I think that a push kick with your front foot is not the same as a switch kick that blasts somebody in their fucking head or their ribs. | ||
| I would count those kinds of... | ||
| I don't know how you would categorize it, but maybe the equivalent of what a right hand is, which is... | ||
| Somebody trying to actually close the deal and knock you out versus set you up with a jab. | ||
| Setting you up with a jab, setting you up with a front kick, setting you up with those things is different than blasting somebody with a double leg, blasting somebody with a back foot roundhouse kick, a wheel kick. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| There's so many weapons. | ||
| I don't know how you do that, though. | ||
| Because that's a strike regardless, and sometimes that strike doesn't... | ||
| You know, it doesn't do anything to you. | ||
| Well, you can have a guy who's super durable, right? | ||
| And you catch him with a couple of really good shots, but then he takes you down and lands a couple good elbows. | ||
| Who won the exchange? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, maybe if the end of the round is the guy's on top, I have no evidence that you're going to get up. | ||
| You know, you might get up eventually, but so far you're on the ground and he's holding you down, he's punching you. | ||
| That means a lot. | ||
| Then again, somebody can take your back, right? | ||
| And they're controlling you, but you're doing great defense. | ||
| Yeah, but it means a lot that the guy took your back. | ||
| We have to look at it in terms of your percentage of being successful once you get to a position increases. | ||
| Right. | ||
| With the complexity, the position, the control that you get in that position. | ||
| So if you get a person in half guard, that is not as good as you having someone's back with the body triangle on and one arm around the neck and one arm controlling the hand. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Even if the guy is not tapped, that guy is in significant danger. | ||
| Well, wrestling. | ||
| In wrestling, you get a point for an escape. | ||
| You get a point when you take somebody down, you get a point for that. | ||
| but when you take their back, that's two points. | ||
| Right, that's fine. | ||
| Because that's college. | ||
| But you're close to finishing his life when you have his back. | ||
| This points shit. | ||
| I don't want to hear this. | ||
| When you get a guy's back, you got a body triangle in, you got an arm around the neck, and you're controlling the other arm. | ||
| Somehow or another, you're really close to taking his life. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| So this point stuff, that's great. | ||
| What's more important to escape is when a guy has your fucking back and he has an arm under your chin and you're just fighting hands, you don't want to be there, man. | ||
| And if he has enough squeeze and enough energy to just fuck... | ||
| Damien Maia can make people tap across their face. | ||
| He can. | ||
| He gets you across your face and he cranks your fucking neck. | ||
| He knows how to manipulate necks. | ||
| So it's not just like him squeezing and hoping that it works. | ||
| He's going to get his shoulder into it and he's going to get all this torque into your neck. | ||
| He doesn't have to go into your neck. | ||
| You ever see his fight with Rick Story? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's choking him and blood is squirting out of Story's nose as he's squeezing his neck. | ||
| That's Damien Maia. | ||
| Do you know who I train with now? | ||
| Who's nice enough to teach me? | ||
| It's Hegan Machado. | ||
| I love Hegan. | ||
| By the way, where's his school? | ||
| I want to give him a shout out. | ||
| It's in the beach somewhere, right? | ||
| No, it's on Wilshire. | ||
| 8126 Wilshire Boulevard. | ||
| Bro, he just gave Ashton Kutcher a brown belt. | ||
| I know he did. | ||
| Ashton Kutcher is legit. | ||
| He must be legit. | ||
| I got Schaub so riled up on the podcast because I said to Schaub, Schaub goes, it just bothered me that Hegan said that Ashton could beat Conor McGregor in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| And I went, I knew I'd get to him. | ||
| And I went, well, he's 6'4". | ||
| He's got very long arms. | ||
| And he goes... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He would destroy Ashton Kutcher in under a minute! | |
| I got him so riled. | ||
| I was like, I don't know, bro. | ||
| I just kept going, I don't know. | ||
| He lost his mind. | ||
| It's not impossible for someone who's really dedicated to jiu-jitsu to get to a point where they could tap an MMA fighter. | ||
| Because most elite MMA fighters have many, many skills and many, many different things that they're working on constantly. | ||
| If you're just concentrating on jiu-jitsu, particularly with the leg block guys... | ||
| Yeah, they're going to be better at it. | ||
| Just like if you just go to box, you know, if someone invites you, you know, like Terrence Crawford invites someone to go to his camp and box. | ||
| In fact, TJ Dillashaw said that about Lomachenko, that he boxed with Lomachenko and it felt like he was just being kind to him. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It felt like once the guy opened up, he was like, oh shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's his sport now. | ||
| But Lomachenko was nice to him, but didn't fuck him up. | ||
| Speaking of warming up, there's a great video of him warming up. | ||
| And I watched it, I was like, oh, that's how a pro does it. | ||
| - Yeah, and he's like one arm, one arm, one arm, one arm, one arm, one arm, switch dance, switch dance, switch dance, one arm, one arm, one arm, everything is slow and methodical. | ||
| He has like a whole system that he does to warm his body up before he starts moving really fast and throwing punches. | ||
| Yeah, and he's 26 or whatever. | ||
| Yeah, here it is right here. | ||
| But you watch this and you go, yeah, this is what you're supposed to do when you're a fucking professional. | ||
| I've had a chance to see it live once with Manny Pacquiao. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, Manny Pacquiao was doing this thing at Wild Card Boxing, and I got to watch him train a little bit. | ||
| And I got to watch him warm up with these bands. | ||
| He has these little bands and he does these warm-up things. | ||
| He warms everything. | ||
| I mean, his body is a race car, you know? | ||
| He's not doing that dumb shit that you and I would do. | ||
| Just go in there and see, how much can you bench? | ||
| You mean just getting in there and going? | ||
| Yeah, Ari and Bert and Tom were in the back, fucking around with my weights, and none of them could do 225. And so I went back there, and I was like, can you do 225? | ||
| And I was drunk. | ||
| I was like, fuck yeah, I could do 225. God damn it. | ||
| So I did 225 for 12. I want to stop you immediately. | ||
| No warm-up, 51 years old. | ||
| Terrible idea. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| It's pretty damn good, though. | ||
| I'm glad I didn't hurt anything. | ||
| That's exactly how you hurt something. | ||
| I could have easily gone, pop, ah! | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| When the weights come down, boom! | ||
| Pin me to the chest. | ||
| I don't have to roll out from under them. | ||
| But you got competitive. | ||
| And then my arm swells up with blood. | ||
| You ever see a guy when they blow their bicep or their chest, their peck out? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, it's so nasty. | ||
| I feel like you and I should do a dance competition and show Burt and Tom up. | ||
| But Tom and Burt are both athletic dudes. | ||
| They're actually both athletic guys. | ||
| Here's my prediction. | ||
| Yeah, Tom can dance his ass off. | ||
| He can legit dance his ass off. | ||
| You ever see him swing a golf club? | ||
| He's an athletic dude. | ||
| Yeah, he's a big dude too. | ||
| They're both big guys. | ||
| Here's my prediction. | ||
| They keep ramping it up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't think we're done. | ||
| I think you're about to see some epic shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I think they're going to keep ramping it up. | ||
| I feel like I want in. | ||
| I mean, I know I'm being derivative and I'm copying, but I want to fucking dance, bro. | ||
| Why don't you have your own? | ||
| I think they both already have scripts written for their retorts, and I don't know who's going to go first. | ||
| Well, it's gotta be Burt. | ||
| Burt's gotta be next, because Tom just murdered him. | ||
| You can't double down. | ||
| Like, this shit was ruthless. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| This shit was ruthless. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Did you spill all over yourself? | ||
| What happened to you? | ||
| I spilled, man. | ||
| I got excited. | ||
| You're spilling your hug? | ||
| I spilled my fucking turmeric on myself. | ||
| This video? | ||
| You've seen this video, right? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Oh, it's the best. | ||
| Bro, it's amazing. | ||
| I know it is. | ||
| But here's what's amazing. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| It's actually good. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Like, this part? | ||
| Like, watch this. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| Look at him moving around. | ||
| Dude, he can dance great. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And that's why he was offended by Burt's. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| This dude's pretending he knows how to dance just because he takes his pants off? | ||
| I'll show you. | ||
| You get more mad when people give him credit for it, too. | ||
| They're like, oh, look at Bert dancing. | ||
| He did get mad. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't understand that. | ||
| I was a little confused. | ||
| I felt like he was laying back, like, if we were going to do a hip-hop dance contest. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, he's the guy at the bar that pretends he can't play pool. | ||
| I mean, I played a couple of times. | ||
| Oh, by the way, he's selling those machine shirts. | ||
| Machine. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| You can buy those at yourmomshouse.com. | ||
| I'm going to buy one of those. | ||
| I say to Rogan, I put him on a thread. | ||
| I think it was before they were doing the dance thing. | ||
| I remember I said to you, I had Shob, Eddie, you and me, and I said, let's do a fucking dance-off. | ||
| And then Rogan comes back with, hey, if we do a dance-off, you're going to want to win. | ||
| And I don't know if I have the time to dedicate... | ||
| To that shit. | ||
| And I was like, you got serious right away. | ||
| You get competitive. | ||
| I'm a moron. | ||
| And you would. | ||
| You would do whatever you had to do to win. | ||
| I have kept my most ridiculous moron tendencies at bay for most of my adult life. | ||
| But when we did Sober October last year and I was making the fire alarm go off from my sweat... | ||
| Like I was telling them, I'm like, you're gonna die. | ||
| I'm like, if you're gonna try to do what I'm willing to do, you're gonna die. | ||
| You don't understand. | ||
| I'll work out eight, ten hours a day. | ||
| Yeah, you'll kill yourself. | ||
| I go, we're gonna die. | ||
| It was like, I remember when you were a young man, you said to me, you're like, I think I might fight Wesley Snipes. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| And you were, because you looked, you were like pulsing. | ||
| You looked like a fucking, like one of those guys who gets caught in nuclear waste. | ||
| Your veins and everything, you're just like, man... | ||
| And you were breathing like Chuck Liddell. | ||
| And I go, hey, what's up, man? | ||
| That's not a really good case. | ||
| I'm just training. | ||
| I'm training all the time. | ||
| I was training all the time. | ||
| I was training twice a day. | ||
| It was really hard. | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| But I thought it was really going to happen. | ||
| We had lawyers involved. | ||
| Wes is an athlete. | ||
| He owed a lot of money to the IRS. That's what it was. | ||
| He got in a real bad situation, apparently, where someone was advising him that he didn't have to pay taxes. | ||
| You know, man, one of those, you ever check the Constitution, man? | ||
| You're your own island, your own country, that horseshit. | ||
| That shit doesn't work, man. | ||
| My friend did that. | ||
| My friend did that. | ||
| This is what he did. | ||
| He declared himself a sovereign state, and then he decided he was going to run Illegal substances across state lines. | ||
| He gets caught and he goes, I'm my own sovereign state. | ||
| I can do whatever I want. | ||
| The cop goes, that's awesome. | ||
| You're going to jail now. | ||
| They put him in court. | ||
| He had a whole defense. | ||
| I'm a sovereign state. | ||
| I refuse to give you my name. | ||
| The judge was like, very cool. | ||
| You're going to jail now for eight months. | ||
| We'll see you later. | ||
| Gang, gang. | ||
| And now he had a record. | ||
| How'd that work out for you? | ||
| Not well at all. | ||
| Some people read the Constitution. | ||
| They somehow or another decide that they're experts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of that going on these days, where people have this idea that, fuck all these legal scholars. | ||
| I see the loophole, and I'm going to point this out in front of the judge, and it will be undeniable. | ||
| Bro, pay your taxes! | ||
| Who's going to fix the streets? | ||
| Because they listen to... | ||
| Usually people just want to be part of a larger thing, right? | ||
| So actually, most people are saying what was given to them. | ||
| And it feels good emotionally. | ||
| And one of the things as you get older that's really important to do is to always be willing not only to change your mind and admit that you probably... | ||
| You could be hopelessly wronged. | ||
| You could be completely wrong, but also to always be able to justify with reason and with measured argument your most cherished beliefs. | ||
| Because so much of who we are is what we believe. | ||
| So much of who we are is just where I stand politically. | ||
| All those things that I've worked hard to kind of come up with a comprehensive political and philosophical mooring to stand on. | ||
| Well, If I then relax and I listen and accept what's given to me without putting it through the grinder and really sitting down and testing it, then I'm guilty of being philosophically complacent and basically... | ||
| It's just you're a slave to your ego, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You don't want to admit that you're wrong about things. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| You can't be married to ideas. | ||
| Who you are is how you go through this life. | ||
| And it's how you go through this life now. | ||
| This is what's very important for people. | ||
| I try to talk about this as much as possible. | ||
| You can't get stuck in your past. | ||
| Because, like, mistakes that you made when you were a child can haunt you deep into adulthood. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because you decide that you're the person who got bullied after seventh grade and you're a loser and everybody hates you. | ||
| And those feelings, you can cling on to those fuckers and they'll weigh you down. | ||
| You can cling on to them and you can take them into your later life. | ||
| And I know people that are like, man, they're in their 60s. | ||
| There was this, this, uh, maybe you told me this. | ||
| Did you tell me the story about this dude who was like an older guy that was afraid to walk down a certain road because this other older guy who used to bully him in high school lived there? | ||
| No. | ||
| He didn't tell me this. | ||
| Somebody told me this and this guy was in his 60s and he was scared to go down this road because this guy lived there who used to bully him in high school and the guy still fucked with him. | ||
| Still fucked with him. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Bro, there's some people that get stuck like that, man. | ||
| Both of those guys. | ||
| That's why I think for a lot of guys, you know, walking into an MMA gym, it's terrifying. | ||
| But it's okay. | ||
| Everything, start with, you know, one tiny step. | ||
| And I like doing anything that makes me feel uncomfortable and takes me off my pins. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Because it opens up new pathways of understanding somehow. | ||
| So what I do now with people who I disagree with philosophically, you know, like say I'm talking to somebody who's a hardcore socialist or something like that. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| But what I try to do is I just try to listen to them really... | ||
| I try to kind of zero in instead of like immediately throwing my hands up. | ||
| Did you see what Brittany Cummings said the other day? | ||
| Brittany Cummings or Whitney Cummings? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Did I say Brittany? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did I? I think I was slobbering. | |
| It's okay. | ||
| Too much of that turmeric coffee. | ||
| That does. | ||
| People say, why are you coughing so much? | ||
| I don't want to tell the truth. | ||
| It's turmeric coffee. | ||
| You got a full mouth, bro. | ||
| You got a full mouth. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| What was I just saying? | ||
| You said Whitney Cummings. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| She got reported to HR on a show she was on. | ||
| Because as she was leaving, she said, Merry Christmas! | ||
| Some intern. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Intern was offended. | ||
| Called human resources. | ||
| Because she said, Merry Christmas. | ||
| And her response was, she goes, Hey, I really don't give a fuck if you have a good Christmas. | ||
| It's just a nice thing to say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't give a fuck about your Christmas. | ||
| I don't even know you. | ||
| Something that's really... | ||
| They reported her! | ||
| Something that's very fucking important for people to realize about the West. | ||
| Something that's really unique about the West and Western civilization. | ||
| Is that imperialism, racism... | ||
| Sexism, all these isms that we are guilty of. | ||
| The West didn't invent these things, but we were egregious violators in some cases of that. | ||
| Slavery was a real thing in this country. | ||
| But what's unique about the West, and I'm getting into this, is that we were the first to label it and condemn it. | ||
| The West has always been a country that seems always to be in the process of repenting for its past, repenting for its sins. | ||
| That is not common. | ||
| That is unique. | ||
| And self-criticism is part of it. | ||
| As a society, we are... | ||
| So people like that silly girl who... | ||
| That's been going on, actually, in one way or another for a long time. | ||
| The intern? | ||
| Yes, now it's way more. | ||
| I don't know if it was a girl or a boy. | ||
| Now it's a little bit more. | ||
| It's way more. | ||
| But that's actually to the character of this country. | ||
| We have always had people who kind of went, you know, that's wrong. | ||
| I don't want to do that. | ||
| This isn't fair. | ||
| All that kind of stuff. | ||
| And it was a fucking... | ||
| It would always cause all kinds of problems. | ||
| But that's extreme. | ||
| That's a silly goose. | ||
| Whoever's doing that is dumb. | ||
| Well, it's Hollywood. | ||
| There's a Hollywood thing where these people can't be liberal enough. | ||
| They're trying so hard to be progressive that they're just becoming ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| But they get so reactionary, and everyone's scared that they're going to be out of the woke loop. | ||
| Like, maybe they're behind. | ||
| They're letting something slide that they should have stepped up for. | ||
| Because now you can get in trouble if you don't come out against someone saying Merry Christmas. | ||
| Like, hey man, you know, where were you when that fucking pig said Merry Christmas? | ||
| Do you know what Christmas means? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, dude, they want to take away the word supremacy and quantum supremacy, which is quantum computing. | ||
| It's next level, next step computing. | ||
| And there was an article about Google achieving quantum supremacy. | ||
| And they were like, well, we don't like the term supremacy because it reminds people of white supremacy. | ||
| Do you know what I think about those people? | ||
| Do you know what I think about a lot of those people? | ||
| They're young, they're not experienced, and they're not that bright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| Well, this is the thing is they are bright. | ||
| They just aren't wise. | ||
| They're very smart, and they know they are, which is one of the reasons why they want to make an argument to push something like that through and think that it makes sense. | ||
| It's because they're so smart. | ||
| But what they're not is, is you get seasoned by your interactions with human beings. | ||
| You're naive when you're younger, and then as you get older, you get seasoned. | ||
| Your mind changes. | ||
| But you also get seasoned, meaning you experience so many different human beings that exhibit these sort of stereotypes and these patterns of behavior. | ||
| And you've got to know when people are being knuckleheads, and you've got to know when people are being wise and objective, and you've got to know when people are being kind and loving, and you've got to know when people are being assholes. | ||
| You can see all the different things. | ||
| As you get older, you get more data. | ||
| And a lot of these kids are like 20. They're 22 and they're yelling about the world. | ||
| Like that Greta Thornburg chick, she's 16. She's a kid. | ||
| Listen, you've got some good points, but they're using you now. | ||
| Well, what happens is as you get older and you try to solve problems at the level of detail. | ||
| So if you and I had to really solve some problems, let's say healthcare, you and I. I'm not solving it. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| If we had to try, right? | ||
| What would happen is we might come with more of a Republican or a Democratic or a Liberal or a Conservative sensibility initially. | ||
| I think once you get down to the level of detail and you're trying to solve these problems, all that ideology kind of goes out the window because now you're dealing with hard numbers and math and you're trying to deal in percentages and you're trying to deal with what's the best policy for the most number of people. | ||
| And so it becomes way grayer and way less teamy. | ||
| You are somebody that has to solve problems. | ||
| If you are somebody who has to turn a profit, if you're somebody who has to figure out what your clientele actually will buy, and I think sometimes that's why people who own businesses and people who have to make the trains run on time have a different philosophical and I think sometimes that's why people who own businesses and people who have to make the trains run on time have a different philosophical and political point of view than do people | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because you don't need to get down to the level of detail. | ||
| You can stay in that wonderful world of theory. | ||
| And that's an important world. | ||
| It's not to say that you shouldn't have that, but a lot of journalists come from that world. | ||
| They come straight from that world of theory. | ||
| That world of... | ||
| That intellectual pursuit. | ||
| And they come right into... | ||
| Then they see the world. | ||
| And I think that might be why a lot of times people in the media tend to be a little bit more ideological. | ||
| Maybe a little bit more liberal, depending. | ||
| Because you could say Fox News is just as fucking ideological on the other side. | ||
| But I do think your perspective changes when you have to... | ||
| Get down to business. | ||
| When you're out there in the real world. | ||
| It's like fighting. | ||
| It's like fighting. | ||
| You need both, though. | ||
| And this is what I think we need to make this distinction. | ||
| You need these quantum theorists. | ||
| You need these historians. | ||
| You need these people that are just completely engaged in whatever the subject is at hand. | ||
| And they're just lifelong academics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You need both. | |
| You need both. | ||
| But the real problem is when people come out of these universities and they have these sort of hard-line ideas of how the world needs to change. | ||
| They're revolutionaries. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's very exciting. | ||
| It's very exciting. | ||
| And they want to burn down the whole building. | ||
| And then you start looking for witches, okay? | ||
| And then you start going, that bitch said Merry Christmas. | ||
| And that's what that is. | ||
| That's what's nuts. | ||
| Google's calling it quantum supremacy. | ||
| Can you fucking believe this shit? | ||
| Like, yeah, we've got to burn it down. | ||
| Burn it down. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of it is being young. | ||
| But young people can do some, when they get together, the communist revolution was, you know. | ||
| This is also why discourse is so important, right? | ||
| Like young people need to talk to other people. | ||
| You know, like a lot of these people with these ideas are one day going to laugh at those ideas. | ||
| They're one going to look back and go, oh my god, when I was 20, I was so stupid. | ||
| Just like you have done, just like I have done, just like basically everybody does as they get older. | ||
| You start thinking, oh my god, when I was 18, what a fucking moron I was. | ||
| Oh my god, when I was 24, you want to hear the stupid shit I thought I should do? | ||
| I mean, that's part of life. | ||
| You also have to realize that historically, that thing I sent you, people ask me what I read and stuff. | ||
| If you go to audible.com and go to the great courses, I listen to these courses. | ||
| I just listen to 48 lectures by a guy named Robert Buchholz, who's this fucking amazing professor on the foundations of Western civilization. | ||
| One of the things he says in it is he said... | ||
| Europeans, the history of Europe, culminating with World War I and World War II, as bloody and as violent, it's beyond what we can imagine. | ||
| How many millions were killed in World War II? It's beyond what we can imagine. | ||
| But Europeans figured out... | ||
| And it's a huge accomplishment, and really the first time in history for anybody. | ||
| They figured out how to solve their differences without killing each other. | ||
| And that happened after World War II. And it took that long. | ||
| They actually figured out a way to solve their differences by disagreeing, by fighting about it, by fighting dirty, but by winning elections and stuff. | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| The war in Europe, all the countries involved, What was the size of the landscape we're looking at in relationship to the United States? | ||
| When you look at France, Germany, and England, what is that? | ||
| Well, it wasn't just France, Germany, and England. | ||
| Oh yeah, but I'm talking about all of those. | ||
| It was Russia. | ||
| Russia, I think, is five time zones, right? | ||
| Russia's giant. | ||
| Russia's a different animal, right? | ||
| Because Russia is, you know, that's Asia. | ||
| Yeah, and Russia would just rely on old General Winter. | ||
| But the European aspect of it, the European part of World War I and II, what I was thinking is it's almost like having a war inside America, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's really close. | ||
| I think if you take France, Spain, Italy, Germany, Poland, all those areas. | ||
| They fit in Rhode Island. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Hungary, Austria, Bulgaria, Romania, Yugoslavia, back then. | ||
| Tough those in Florida. | ||
| How big is that area? | ||
| Give me one minute. | ||
| That's a lot of Googling. | ||
| I found a thing that, like, World War I maps, 40 maps that explain World War I. World War I's a different thing, too. | ||
| That's what you're talking about, right? | ||
| World War II. Two is the whole world. | ||
| Yeah, two is everything, right? | ||
| Remember, World War I, the Ottoman Empire was crumbling, right? | ||
| So Turkey's empire was crumbling. | ||
| So Turkey got the Middle East involved. | ||
| The British were, you know... | ||
| Were involved in the Middle East. | ||
| They were fighting the Turks. | ||
| That whole area became theater for war. | ||
| Dude, I'm on my third Wild West book in the last couple weeks. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| About the history of the Wild West. | ||
| Let me tell you this one. | ||
| It's a Blood and Thunder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Blood and Thunder, an epic tale of the American West. | ||
| It's about Kit Carson and the Mountain Man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro. | |
| Bro. | ||
| Rough dudes. | ||
| Bro! | ||
| Just the wars with all the various tribes and the chaos and the way they would kill people. | ||
| Oh my god, it's so crazy! | ||
| The Native Americans? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah! | |
| Dude, one of these stories that I was reading, I don't think it was this one, it wasn't the Kit Carson one, it was... | ||
| The one on General Custer. | ||
| General Custer was the last one, which was Son of the Morning Star. | ||
| That was the last one that I was reading. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| This one guy, a Native American guy, wants to fuck this other guy's wife. | ||
| So he tries to get him. | ||
| He can't get him. | ||
| Eventually he finds him one day. | ||
| Kills him. | ||
| Eats his heart. | ||
| Cooks his heart. | ||
| Comes back and tells everybody, then marries the lady. | ||
| Well, you gotta eat a man's heart because you impose his will on him. | ||
| Imagine you're married, you're a woman, you're married to a guy, and this other dude wants to fuck you. | ||
| He kills your husband and eats his heart. | ||
| And then you say, get in this teepee, big boy. | ||
| That's pretty fucking gangster. | ||
| That's pretty fucking gangster. | ||
| Because the guy loved you, and I'm gonna eat his heart, I'm gonna eat his love for you. | ||
| He cut two fingers off of his hand because he couldn't get to her and he loved her so much. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And he was angry that he couldn't kill her. | ||
| Did he win her over? | ||
| Well, he must have won her over. | ||
| He cut two fingers off his hand before he got to her. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And then found the guy after he cut two fingers off his hand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Killed the guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ate his fucking heart. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Cooked it. | ||
| Came back, told everybody. | ||
| Like, ate most of the heart. | ||
| Yeah, that's a stalker. | ||
| That's a stage five stalker? | ||
| Or does that go beyond? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Past. | ||
| I'm going to eat his heart. | ||
| Eight is hard. | ||
| You remember when we used to have those terrorism colors? | ||
| Like, today's yellow. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| Remember it was a flag? | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| This is it? | ||
| The Battlefronts of Europe? | ||
| Yeah, this was from 1917. A paper in London made this. | ||
| This is explaining the battle area, battle zones. | ||
| Oh, so all of it fit in the center of the country. | ||
| Right, and they compared it even miles. | ||
| Goddamn, dude. | ||
| Just imagine if that shit was going on in the center of the country. | ||
| If Montana was at war with Wyoming and Colorado. | ||
| It was all trench warfare, too. | ||
| World War is really interesting because there are some parallels now. | ||
| World War I, if you look at World War I, it was a time when, first of all, Europe hadn't been to war for 100 years. | ||
| So when people went into war in World War I... They went in, every young man volunteered and even women volunteered to be nurses and to cook. | ||
| They were singing songs and they were going to be gone for two weeks and it was going to be really exciting and it was romantic. | ||
| And no one, including the soldiers, really understood the technology. | ||
| Like machine guns and that kind of technology and mustard gas. | ||
| They didn't know. | ||
| They were still fighting the way they had been fighting for millennia, which was on horseback, feathers in their helmets, and charging with great bravery. | ||
| And so what happened was they would charge and the other side would open up with machine guns and artillery and then ultimately poison gas. | ||
| And so the numbers are too staggering to even imagine, but for 800 yards to try to capture that much land or whatever... | ||
| They would lose, they lost something like 300,000 men in a day. | ||
| And that's what was going on. | ||
| They were just getting mowed down. | ||
| Not that many? | ||
| Oh, dude, the numbers are crazy! | ||
| The Battle of the Somme, I can't remember what it was. | ||
| It was beyond, like, the number of men that were lost per foot. | ||
| I remember I had to ask three times because I couldn't believe it. | ||
| And because they were just, so your arrogant commanders would blow a whistle. | ||
| Sometimes they would kick a soccer ball. | ||
| And you would follow the soccer ball over the ditch and run. | ||
| As they were shooting at you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| And if you didn't, you'd be tried for cowardice. | ||
| Sometimes you'd be shot by your commanding officer in the back of your head. | ||
| Because remember, a lot of these armies were conscripted. | ||
| They were brought in against their will. | ||
| This was the time of imperialism when the country that was bigger and stronger, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, Austria itself, would come in and say, you belong to us now. | ||
| There were these secret alliances that would happen. | ||
| That battle was so insane and it was just – it was a true meat grinder. | ||
| It was a true meat grinder. | ||
| And then you'd have no man's land, right? | ||
| So you'd have no man's land. | ||
| And that was the area where they would come in. | ||
| They had to cross to kill. | ||
| And men, you'd hear them dying and groaning, but nobody could get to them. | ||
| It was the fucking, it was the worst, man. | ||
| It was the worst. | ||
| And in those trenches, the body parts and everything, and then people would have to go to the bathroom there, and then the rain would come. | ||
| You were living in a gutter. | ||
| It was beyond what people can imagine. | ||
| It was beyond. | ||
| It was the most horrific thing. | ||
| And the only thing that was worse was something called World War II, which is essentially a continuation of that first European Civil War. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's beyond what we can do. | ||
| We're so fucking lucky we don't live in a time like that. | ||
| Less than 100 years ago. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Less than 100 years ago. | ||
| Inside of one person's lifetime, Ari's dad is a Holocaust survivor. | ||
| Ari Shafir's dad is a fucking Holocaust survivor. | ||
| That's how close it is. | ||
| And that all came from this idea back then that you could perfect society and perfect human beings. | ||
| Six-inch howitzer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a mountain howitzer. | ||
| This is where ideas can be so dangerous. | ||
| This idea that human beings are a blank slate and that you can make them anything you want. | ||
| You can re-educate them in a camp and they'll be what you want. | ||
| This is the history of... | ||
| Of Europe. | ||
| And those ideas lost ground. | ||
| That's why the individual, it's so fucking important for the individual to take precedence over the state. | ||
| This is also why it's so important for people to be able to express themselves. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| And for people to, you know... | ||
| But fidelity to the state in a fascist society in communist Russia, fidelity to the state, the collective, must be... | ||
| It's superior to the individual. | ||
| The individual, you're a tiny leaf on a tree. | ||
| If you have a society like that, somebody's going to run that. | ||
| Somebody's going to set that doctrine and they will justify killing 20, 30 million people the way Stalin did. | ||
| And they'll say that they're doing it for the country. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's so many patterns like that that just repeat themselves over and over again with human beings in power. | ||
| You know, Hitler, by many accounts, seemed to genuinely enjoy World War I. He enjoyed it. | ||
| And then he got blinded by mustard glass and he couldn't believe Germany surrendered. | ||
| He couldn't believe it. | ||
| And a German physician, there's one record of the German physician characterizing Hitler as follows. | ||
| Again, this is from Buchholz's lectures. | ||
| It said... | ||
| He goes, this person is not fit to command humans and is dangerously psychotic. | ||
| And because of a lot of crazy reasons, he was able to join the Nazi... | ||
| He actually started as a minder for the German army. | ||
| What's a minder? | ||
| So a guy who spied on subversive groups... | ||
| Oh, like a rat. | ||
| Yeah, revolutionary groups. | ||
| That's how he came across the Nationalist Socialist Party. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was a narc. | |
| The National Socialist Party. | ||
| Yeah, the Nazis. | ||
| But kind of went, you know what? | ||
| I like what these guys are saying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| So he joined? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| I want fucking war! | ||
| So that's like if you had an undercover FBI agent and he became one of the Hell's Angels and took over the organization. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because he took over. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But World War II, the crazy thing about right before World War II, everything, like today, so you never notice how today, we can't agree on really even source material. | ||
| If you have an argument with something, you go, where'd you get your information? | ||
| CNN? What? | ||
| Or Fox News? | ||
| You fucking, you know. | ||
| And the conversation, you can't even start. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| Because we don't have... | ||
| Now we're talking about a simulation, maybe this whole thing, maybe you and I are just self-replicating machines. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| So nobody really knows at this point. | ||
| It's really hard to arrive at a fixed point of truth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Back in the day, the Bible was your fixed point of truth, maybe Aristotle, but at the turn of the century, like right before World War I, you had Darwin come along, you had Freud who said something to the effect of, hey, we're animals and we will kill and use each other as sexual tools if we don't have a strong society. | ||
| There were all these There were all these sort of new Nietzsche, Marx, who said God is dead. | ||
| Nietzsche said God is dead, but Marx basically said religion is the opium of the masses. | ||
| Human beings are the masters of their own fate. | ||
| And all of these guys who basically took God out of the equation And all of them were basically saying that we are animals, and God is no longer here. | ||
| We're animals, and if you don't create a society to control our animalistic impulses, we're going to fucking slaughter and rape each other. | ||
| And World War I proved all of those guys right, basically. | ||
| But it was a time when everything was up in the air. | ||
| Einstein comes along and says, time and space, not so fast. | ||
| It's actually relative. | ||
| And everybody went, what? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| He goes, yeah, time doesn't exist like a stopwatch. | ||
| God didn't start a stopwatch, and that's what Newton said. | ||
| Good luck trying to work your way through that. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| It confused everybody. | ||
| If you go fast enough into space and then come back, everybody here will be old and you'll be the same age. | ||
| Do you know how that works? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| But it's still, like, what? | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| Do you know, I think this is true. | ||
| This is what I read. | ||
| He was walking, he was like in, where was he, CERN, Switzerland, or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| He gets off the, he's trying to come up with these, he's thinking about the theory of relativity or whatever. | ||
| And he gets off the train, and he's walking. | ||
| Away from the train station, he turns and looks at the clock, and the clock says, let's say, 6 o'clock. | ||
| He turns and looks at the clock, and he turns back around, and he stops, and he goes, wait, hold on. | ||
| I was walking away from the clock. | ||
| So when I saw the clock, it said 6, but that's how long it took the light to get to my eye. | ||
| By the time the light hit my eye, it was actually later. | ||
| Because the light has to hit my eye for me. | ||
| Do you understand? | ||
| A fraction of a second later. | ||
| So he said, what if I was moving it to the speed of light? | ||
| Time would stand still. | ||
| Because the light would never hit my eye. | ||
| It's a weird thing to say, but I was like, that's a fucking... | ||
| Yeah, but I wonder if that works with biological aging. | ||
| I wonder if biological aging is on a constant, right? | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
| Entropy, right? | ||
| Well, I know that time would be different, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But I wonder, like when you say time stands still, but it's got to exist if you're alive. | ||
| It's got to exist somehow biologically. | ||
| Your body's not going to stop heart beating and breathing, right? | ||
| So how many heartbeats do you have in you? | ||
| I mean, that's part of what life is. | ||
| Life is like you've got a limited number of heartbeats if you wanted to really break it down. | ||
| How many of them are you going to use while you're going through light speed? | ||
| Those don't count? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Your heart's going to beat, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So how long is it actually going to take in real time down on earth while you're up there? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's going to be like where you're moving so fast that it feels like 10 minutes because it is 10 minutes to you. | ||
| And then you come back. | ||
| You've only aged 10 minutes, but it might be 10 years down here. | ||
| Well, didn't you have somebody on your podcast? | ||
| They were talking about what ages you. | ||
| The reason we look older than we did 25 years ago is because of entropy. | ||
| So things mix and you can't unmix them. | ||
| What's the matter, John? | ||
| I just listened to this book about time, and these concepts just came up sort of that you're talking about. | ||
| After the whole book, I was more confused about time, to be honest with you. | ||
| Fuck, dude, I don't know. | ||
| It's called The Order of Time by Carlo Rovelli. | ||
| By the way, that's a great name. | ||
| Carlo Rovelli. | ||
| It's like if you were a chick and your friend was going to introduce you to a guy and his name was Carlo Rovelli. | ||
| My name is Carlo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Carlo Rovelli. | |
| He's a New York Times selling author, bestseller. | ||
| You'd be like, ooh. | ||
| And he plays jazz at night. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| He goes to see jazz. | ||
| Yeah, he'll smoke one clove cigarette a month. | ||
| According to this book, time works different, like, up higher than it does lower. | ||
| For instance, if you had two synchronized clocks, even on the top of this table in the ground, they would not be synced up over a certain amount of time. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because this is what Carlo Rovelli? | ||
| Time moves slower at sea level. | ||
| So if you live at sea level, you will live longer than people that live higher. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's because the oxygen is much... | ||
| I want to be fucking Italian so badly, dude. | ||
| Or Spanish. | ||
| You have a lot of Italian in you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| What percentage do you have in you? | ||
| I'm 51%. | ||
| 51%. | ||
| But I want to speak this way. | ||
| No, I want to be romantic. | ||
| There's something about being born like... | ||
| In a country that has like a long, rich tradition. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know, if you're born somewhere, like if you're born in Spain, you know, and your grandfather was a bullfighter, you're born in Spain. | ||
| I love a flair for the dramatic, you know. | ||
| Barcelona. | ||
| Barcelona. | ||
| Yeah, you got a fa. | ||
| I remember I was a young man. | ||
| I was like 19. I was at fucking Club Med with my family. | ||
| And just the girls and everything. | ||
| And there was this hot as shit, like CrossFit. | ||
| She wasn't doing CrossFit, but she looked like it. | ||
| She wasn't such an athlete. | ||
| And I've always liked muscular, you know. | ||
| And I'm looking at him. | ||
| This guy, he was from Italy. | ||
| I remember he was... | ||
| And I never forgot. | ||
| He just goes like this. | ||
| He goes, I go, she's beautiful. | ||
| And he goes, she is too beautiful, you know. | ||
| I die for her. | ||
| I die for her. | ||
| I'd die for her. | ||
| And I was like, I want to be you, man! | ||
| I want to say that once in my fucking life. | ||
| I'd die for her. | ||
| Well, have you ever watched that show Vikings? | ||
| You ever see that show Vikings? | ||
| It's a fun show. | ||
| It's actually a very good show. | ||
| Very underrated show. | ||
| A lot of people get fucked up and killed. | ||
| But one of the things that I was thinking, and a lot of it happens in Rome, a lot of it happens in Europe, a lot of crazy shit with the Vikings. | ||
| But while I was watching it, I was thinking, those people had kids, and their people had kids, and their people had kids, and their kids have iPhones. | ||
| Like, it's not that long ago, and those people that live in that part of the world, those people that live in Ireland, and those people that live in Great Britain, and a lot of that area, like, a lot of the folks who lived there are the ancestors of these people that lived this insane history. | ||
| Insane history of warfare with swords and shields and shit. | ||
| These motherfuckers. | ||
| That's the movie. | ||
| Or that's the show rather. | ||
| It's a good show, man. | ||
| Hey, whatever happened to one of my favorite UFC fighters who's a Valhalla Viking motherfucker? | ||
| The guy, he's from Sweden, shredded out of his mind. | ||
| Which guy? | ||
| Emile Meek? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He fought at 170? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| He's a rock and roller, too? | ||
| I think he's supposed to say Mech. | ||
| He plays the guitar, too? | ||
| I think he's pronounced his name Mech. | ||
| Do you get more shredded than that? | ||
| He's a fucking gorilla. | ||
| And he's super strong, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Very good fighter. | ||
| I don't know what's going on with him. | ||
| I haven't seen him in a while. | ||
| Classic Viking. | ||
| He was at the event last weekend, so... | ||
| When was his last fight? | ||
| When did he have a fight last? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, I feel. | |
| Yeah, it's been... | ||
| Well, you know, sometimes these dudes, they'll hurt something, and, you know, they're out for, like, Cub Swanson just tore his ACL. I know. | ||
| And, yeah, he's going to be out for almost a year. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| He's scheduled to fight in February. | ||
| Oh, he is? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Who's he fighting? | ||
| Jake Matthews. | ||
| Oh, that's a good fight. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Yeah, Cub was in a grappling match against Jake Shields, who's a fucking huge guy. | ||
| He's quite a bit bigger than Cub. | ||
| Yeah, Jake's huge. | ||
| He's a sick grappler. | ||
| And Jake had his legs laced up, and Cub was trying to work his way out of it, and just a freak thing. | ||
| It just popped. | ||
| And his knee and his meniscus, his ACL, blew out, and he just got surgery on it. | ||
| Jake used me as a dummy once. | ||
| I would say I rolled with him, but he used me as a dummy. | ||
| I said, why'd you beat me up so bad? | ||
| He didn't know me. | ||
| He goes, I didn't know if you were good. | ||
| I don't want you to get a position that you talk about on your podcast. | ||
| I was like, hey dude, I'm a fucking, I'm an actor and I have a vagina. | ||
| So he was trying to hurt you? | ||
| No, he just had to make sure that I was one with the mat though. | ||
| Oh, press. | ||
| Make sure that I was, get in the mat, let's go ahead and get your fucking face against, let me go, well I gotta clean the mat, a little dirty, so let me just, you know. | ||
| Well, he's a competitor professionally. | ||
| He doesn't have no time to be fake rolling with people. | ||
| No, don't fuck around. | ||
| Every role he has, he's a pro. | ||
| I had no business being on the mat with him. | ||
| He's still doing really competitive grappling, too. | ||
| Have you ever hung with him? | ||
| He's really smart. | ||
| He's a very good guy. | ||
| But he's also intellectually curious. | ||
| Jake does a lot of reading. | ||
| I have very good conversations with Jake. | ||
| Really smart guy. | ||
| Super good grappler. | ||
| He submitted Mark Munoz at that event, too. | ||
| Yeah, Jake's legit. | ||
| And I've seen him in grappling competitions long before he ever fought in the UFC. I feel like Mark was 318 pounds in his last... | ||
| He hasn't been missing any meals. | ||
| Mark looks big. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how much you weigh. | ||
| He definitely is not in tip-top-goo shape. | ||
| I'm sorry, Mark, if somebody was joking. | ||
| Maybe you're not that heavy. | ||
| Yeah, that's Cubs. | ||
| See, they're laced up like this, and as he's moving there, his knee just popped. | ||
| Oh, that's not good. | ||
| That's awful. | ||
| It can happen, man, in weird ways when you have legs tangled up like that. | ||
| Sometimes someone will just lean one way and it puts a lot of pressure on your knee and it just explodes. | ||
| Jake might be the toughest vegan on the planet. | ||
| He's not a vegan. | ||
| He's a vegetarian. | ||
| He eats eggs. | ||
| I enjoyed that... | ||
| Game Changers with Chris Kresser and Wilkes. | ||
| It's a little bit like listening to a Protestant and a Catholic argue over the minutia of how to worship God, like they both believe in God, or like a Sunni and a Shia. | ||
| It was very interesting in that sense, like how human beings get steeped in... | ||
| Too much information, and then we'll start parsing out stuff that's not that helpful to the listener? | ||
| Well, it's a long conversation. | ||
| The conversation about health is very long. | ||
| And unfortunately, when Chris was talking about the game changers, he got several things wrong. | ||
| Particularly, the big ones were the amount of protein that you can get in peanut butter, the amount of protein that's in bread, and whether or not that is equal to three ounces of ground meat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And what Wilkes was showing is that it is. | ||
| And he made his point very well. | ||
| And that made Chris, his argument, not look very good. | ||
| And then there was the other problem where Chris Kresser sort of personally defined what he defines as low-carb versus medium-carb versus high-carb and wasn't making a distinction that this is not the consensus amongst nutritionists. | ||
| What they consider low-carb, medium-carb, or high-carb. | ||
| James accused him of that, Chris denied it, and then James pulled out all of these different articles that show that he has a different version of what he calls low-carb, medium-carb, or high-carb. | ||
| The problem with all this is he's just making Chris look bad, and he's not necessarily proving that a vegetarian or vegan diet's better for you. | ||
| But he is, rightly, pointing out that he was wrongly criticized. | ||
| So, I get his position. | ||
| I was very impressed with his James' ability to come prepared. | ||
| Very prepared. | ||
| I do believe he spent 3,000 hours. | ||
| I mean an hour, a thousand hours. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| Yeah, I believe that now. | ||
| He knows his shit. | ||
| After talking to him about this and the way he handled it. | ||
| But I kept going back to what Chris was saying, which was, hey, hey, hey, I believe in plants. | ||
| I eat mostly plants. | ||
| A little animal products, some animal products, it's an easier way to get B1. Yes, but that's the problem. | ||
| It's not going to kill you. | ||
| That's the problem with doing a documentary, and then that's a problem with someone criticizing the documentary. | ||
| You know, it's like... | ||
| But the documentary... | ||
| He's got enough stuff that he can say you were inaccurate with the criticism. | ||
| So then we get lost in the argument. | ||
| Like, is meat bad for you? | ||
| Is it like... | ||
| And that's the main question. | ||
| It's not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's the problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Neither is dairy. | |
| with people who were advertising for cigarettes and doctors advertising for cigarettes back in the day and saying that cigarettes are fine, that these are the same people that are doing this. | ||
| No, the problem is everyone was aware for a long time that cigarettes are not healthy. | ||
| This is not the case with meat. | ||
| These studies where you connect people with all these diseases with meat, they connect their diet as a whole. | ||
| They could be eating cheeseburgers and bread and soda and lifestyle and drinking and smoking, but they also eat meat versus people who don't eat meat. | ||
| Well, if someone is going to be conscientious and think about, even if they're incorrect and they just assume that the science says that eating meat is bad for you, you start eating more fish or more chicken or more vegetables. | ||
| You clean up your diet. | ||
| I bet, just statistically, those people have less drinking. | ||
| I bet, statistically, they have less cigarette smoking. | ||
| They're probably healthier on the whole because they're making choices that, even if it's incorrect, they think are good for you, like not eating meat or as much meat. | ||
| But as a non-nutritionist who has no shit, when I watched Game Changers, I have to say that it did seem like the narrative, the story of the movie, was that being a vegan is better for you for all these reasons, all these scientific reasons, than eating any meat. | ||
| For me, it was a vegan thing. | ||
| Even though James would probably disagree with that, for me, just as a viewer, the argument was being made that being a vegan, from just what I got, regardless of what it was meant, I got that being a vegan is better for you. | ||
| It keeps your dick hard. | ||
| You won't die of cancer. | ||
| You'll have less inflammation. | ||
| More endurance. | ||
| More endurance. | ||
| All of which seemed, you know, I talked to Lane Norton about this for a while. | ||
| He had written this thing. | ||
| I don't know if he said it. | ||
| video on Game Changers debunked where he broke down basically every single claim that they made that was incorrect scientifically as a PhD. | ||
| He's a legit scientist. | ||
| I mean, he absolutely understands what's really going on when it comes to nutritional science. | ||
| And I would have stuck to that. | ||
| I would have just said at the end of the day, this is a debate about can you eat some meat and dairy? | ||
| But here's the problem. | ||
| Because of Kresser's criticism of the film, he was in every right. | ||
| he had every right to defend the criticism. | ||
| I respect James. | ||
| He did it right. | ||
| The problem was we didn't get any closer at the end. | ||
| There was some confusion that was about whether or not it is healthy or not healthy to eat meat. | ||
| He was citing some studies and Kresser was saying those studies aren't valid because of this and that. | ||
| That's where we would have been, if we had a guy like Lane Norton in here, it would have helped a lot. | ||
| We would have someone actually explain it. | ||
| But you could also have a guy who comes in and goes, hey guys, here's the thing, man. | ||
| Let's just look at cultures that live a long time and have vibrant lives and good lives. | ||
| Some of it is like I'd like to look at the blue zones who eat meat and a lot of times they eat some form of dairy and they drink. | ||
| They have good communities. | ||
| They don't retire. | ||
| There's a lot more to longevity and health and living a good life than being a purist. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Whether or not it's in this direction or that direction. | ||
| It's the result of a real conversation that we really need to have because overpopulation is real. | ||
| The conversation is really ultimately what is sustainable. | ||
| And it's not what is sustainable right now for your lifespan. | ||
| It's like what is sustainable for the future and should we engineer for a better tomorrow? | ||
| We already are, though, aren't we? | ||
| We sort of are. | ||
| We're not, though. | ||
| People are acting as individuals. | ||
| There's not really a whole lot of engineering in terms of slowing down the rate of childbirth or trying to prevent people from having too many kids, trying to prevent overpopulation. | ||
| A lot of cultures, I mean, a lot of countries and societies are at zero population growth. | ||
| Yes, but the thing is, there's plenty of people that live below the poverty line, in terms of what our perception of the poverty line is. | ||
| And what you're seeing in a lot of these more industrialized nations is as people start developing careers, and men and women get careers, you have less childbirth. | ||
| Like you've seen that in Japan. | ||
| Japan has apparently an issue with a lack of childbirth. | ||
| Not as many as they should have. | ||
| It's not sustainable. | ||
| They worry about that with some countries, and I've even heard that about the United States, that one day it's going to even out, and then everyone will have careers, and then we'll have less children, and then it's a statistical thing. | ||
| China is having trouble. | ||
| They have more elderly, so they're having trouble getting enough people to handle their economy. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Skilled workers, which was shocking to me. | ||
| Yeah, but there's so many people, right? | ||
| Yeah, so they're importing labor. | ||
| Which is like, what? | ||
| Because they were kept at one child per family. | ||
| And China can do that. | ||
| I went to Beijing and I had to do a retinal scan and they were very specific about it. | ||
| They give you a phone. | ||
| They gave you a phone? | ||
| I was shooting a movie. | ||
| They give you a phone. | ||
| You have to use their phone. | ||
| And there are firewalls. | ||
| You can't just surf the web. | ||
| And they very clearly have signs that say any criticism of the government, and when you're an actor, they say this, will not be tolerated. | ||
| You will be... | ||
| And then you talk to people that live there and they say things like, dude, you disappear. | ||
| You can just disappear on the street if you're a, you know. | ||
| So, I don't know, man. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| There's a billion of them. | ||
| Yeah, I got problems with that. | ||
| A billion of them and they're being controlled by this crazy oppressive government. | ||
| Oh, it ain't nothing but your regular... | ||
| I know, but it's weird to see that in 2019, right? | ||
| It's weird to see that online. | ||
| It's become more authoritarian in some ways. | ||
| Well, I guess their grip is looser, so they're clawing more. | ||
| They're trying to squeeze harder. | ||
| If you think about all of human history, this is the way that empires were run, but they weren't run with technology, and they weren't run while the people had access to technology. | ||
| So the fact they're clamping down on web searches and what sites you can visit and You know, there's a lot of companies that felt like they had to do business with them, too. | ||
| Like, I was talking to this lady who worked at Google, and she was saying, look, they're going to copy Google, or we work with them. | ||
| So, like, this idea of, like, you shouldn't work with them because they're going to censor the people. | ||
| Like, listen, they're censoring no matter what. | ||
| But if we don't go over there, they're just going to copy our shit. | ||
| It's a massive market. | ||
| Well, the copying thing, the intellectual property thing, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| The industrial espionage is huge. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| The Huawei thing. | ||
| The fucking head of Huawei, his daughter, is being held captive in Vancouver. | ||
| Do you know about that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| The head of Huawei has been accused of some crazy backdoor shit they put into routers and they're really worried about their technology getting into this country. | ||
| The United States has stopped the production of their cell phones in the United States. | ||
| You have to buy them from somewhere else and bring them in. | ||
| What's it called when it's not connected to someone? | ||
| You buy a cell phone and it's not connected to somebody. | ||
| You know what I'm calling it? | ||
| No, it's not untethered. | ||
| It's like that, though. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I'll remember it. | ||
| But you could buy one of those on like Amazon or one of those tech websites, but you can't get it at Verizon. | ||
| You can't get it at AT&T. They blocked all that. | ||
| And they're like terrified that this company that has become their number two now. | ||
| They're right behind Apple. | ||
| Like Apple's number one. | ||
| Is Apple? | ||
| No, Samsung. | ||
| Samsung's number one. | ||
| They're number two and Apple's number three. | ||
| So they've passed Apple in cell phone production. | ||
| China's always had – I think they were humiliated in their past by the British, by a lot of different – by the Japanese who behaved atrociously. | ||
| But you know what the opium wars were? | ||
| Where the British were – traders were bringing in opium. | ||
| From India to China. | ||
| China developed a major opium problem. | ||
| So the emperor and the government said, this is a major problem. | ||
| Guess what, Britain? | ||
| You can't sell your opium on our docks. | ||
| You're unloading huge boxes of fucking opium from India, and I know you're making a lot of money, but no, because we have a major addiction problem. | ||
| And Britain said, you're interfering with free trade and we should be allowed to. | ||
| And China said, you're not allowed to. | ||
| And so they went to war and Britain won that war and forced China to continue buying opium. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What year was this? | ||
| It's called the Opium Wars. | ||
| Pull up that article. | ||
| And that's why the British took Hong Kong and leased it for a hundred years. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Under house arrest in Vancouver, Huawei CFO lives in luxury and spends her days out shopping. | ||
| She's got to wear a GPS monitor. | ||
| I'll take that fucking life. | ||
| They make her wear a GPS monitor. | ||
| She has to stick to her 11 p.m. | ||
| curfew. | ||
| So, by the way, she's tired by 11 anyway. | ||
| So, her dad owns Huawei? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, she's the CFO also, so I don't know. | ||
| Bring her up. | ||
| Is she cute? | ||
| But doesn't her dad own Huawei? | ||
| Isn't that what it is? | ||
| It didn't say that. | ||
| She might be. | ||
| Daughter of billionaire founder. | ||
| So she can't... | ||
| Why is she under house arrest, though? | ||
| Because they think Huawei is doing a bunch of really shifty things, man. | ||
| Well, they are. | ||
| The U.S. wants to extradite her on the grounds that she tricked banks into potentially violating Iran sanctions. | ||
| It sparked an unprecedented diplomatic row. | ||
| Yeah, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| They're doing business with everybody. | ||
| They're showing up with a briefcase full of cash and some nuclear weapons. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| And this is what the United States government is worried about. | ||
| Like, these people becoming the number one technology provider in the world. | ||
| Like, if they provided all the cell phones that everyone in America uses. | ||
| Like, what if... | ||
| If they came out, okay, and they got onto the Verizon network or the AT&T network with some of these phones, these phones, when you look at the tech people, the people like Unbox Therapy and MKBHD, those guys who... | ||
| Develop these YouTube videos breaking down the components of cell phones. | ||
| They're always super favorable about these Huawei phones. | ||
| They have crazy cameras. | ||
| Some of them have this fucking insane ability to zoom in. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they use computer learning and they have... | ||
| So they're better than the iPhone? | ||
| The new iPhone is pretty fucking good. | ||
| But when the latest Huawei Mate Pro, whatever the fuck it was, one of them, their most high-end phone, there's a video of them doing a zoom. | ||
| And you can't believe how much bigger they can make something that's in the distance and make it look really clear. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| And they have image stabilization and crazy... | ||
| I mean, they're about to come out with a 150-megapixel sensor on a camera that's on the phone. | ||
| And they're going hog-wild with technology and providing like the state-of-the-art shit. | ||
| And just a few years ago, They were like a non-heard of brand. | ||
| I mean, five, six, seven years ago, you never heard about people talking about Huawei. | ||
| Now Huawei has a direct competitor to the MacBook Pro, where, I mean, a lot of people think it's the best laptop that you can buy. | ||
| It has a bezel-to-bezel display, and it works on fingerprints. | ||
| The web camera pops out of a key. | ||
| Like, you press a key, and it pops up so people can't see you while you're jerking off. | ||
| If you're one of those guys that worries, the government's watching me, man! | ||
| I sure am. | ||
| Well, these Huawei computers, they figured it out. | ||
| And they basically copied the design of an Apple MacBook, just made it way better. | ||
| Yeah, but don't they have, of course, but don't they have encrypted, don't they have built-in spyware stuff? | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| Some things. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| Some things. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is what's funny. | ||
| This is what I like about my argument for... | ||
| The marketplace. | ||
| Because you don't want unchecked capitalism, but what's great about the marketplace is that you have to allow for creative destruction. | ||
| Remember that flip camera? | ||
| All the stuff that we had, GPS, you had to have a GPS, you had to have a little camera, then you had your phone. | ||
| And you had to allow certain businesses to go out of business. | ||
| To get all that technology into one fucking place, which is your phone that we all use. | ||
| And that requires people to... | ||
| It requires creative destruction. | ||
| It requires, like, you know, people lose... | ||
| Entire businesses fold under, but a new one's born. | ||
| Imagine if people bailed out all those portable phone businesses. | ||
| Imagine if the government did that because the market crashed. | ||
| That's what would happen in a government-controlled economy. | ||
| In a socialist economy, I promise you, you would have boards or committees that would decide whether or not it was fair. | ||
| A government organization would never allow for that kind of creative destruction to Fucking never! | ||
| Because you'd have to protect jobs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on a second. | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| But you wouldn't. | ||
| Not in a situation like with China with technology. | ||
| They're not trying to save those stupid phones. | ||
| When those phones became irrelevant because the cameras on the phones were better. | ||
| That's because they had to compete. | ||
| That's because they had to compete. | ||
| But that technology didn't come out of China. | ||
| It came out of the West. | ||
| And technology did initially. | ||
| The innovation and all the innovation. | ||
| Everything you see that comes out of Apple where you can swipe, all that stuff. | ||
| Don't forget, that's all that came out of the free market. | ||
| That came out of the cutthroat competition. | ||
| Oh yeah, no argument. | ||
| But it's fascinating to me that they just take that and do it better. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| The Japanese used to do that too. | ||
| They would mimic. | ||
| Still have. | ||
| They still do it. | ||
| Look, that's what Lexus is. | ||
| Lexus is them looking at BMW and Mercedes and going, hmm. | ||
| I see some holes in your game, son. | ||
| And then they decided to do their own version of it. | ||
| And here's the thing about those cars versus any other car. | ||
| They don't break. | ||
| That's the number one thing, man. | ||
| Great cars. | ||
| I've had a Lexus truck. | ||
| I've had like, over the past 15 years, I've had three of them. | ||
| I've had zero problems with any of them ever. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| They always start. | ||
| They always drive perfect. | ||
| I've had three Lexus trucks. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| They're so well engineered. | ||
| They're so well designed. | ||
| There's something about Japanese vehicles, man. | ||
| I like my Tesla, though. | ||
| I had no problems with that either. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't had really anything major. | ||
| I had one little glitch once where the windshield wiper wasn't working correctly, but they fixed that quick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's it. | ||
| Other than that- You're still driving your Tesla? | ||
| It's here, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Drove it here, bitch. | ||
| Is that your number one car? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I drive it more than anything. | ||
| It's so easy, right? | ||
| It's so easy and it allows... | ||
| One of the things I really enjoy is that I have a lot of loud cars. | ||
| I like loud shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the Tesla's silent. | ||
| I know. | ||
| So it makes... | ||
| I can think. | ||
| So when I drive that, I really like driving that with no music on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I just like driving it because it's like silent. | ||
| I make my way to the comedy store and I can hear all the sounds around me in a way that I could never hear before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because I... I never noticed that, but that's how I... I guess that's what I... Yeah, because the car is not... | ||
| You're interfacing with the world differently. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Like, if I'm driving my Porsche, it's probably my loudest car. | ||
| That GT3, that thing's loud. | ||
| When I'm driving that, I'm being obnoxious. | ||
| Not as loud as the GT2, motherfucker. | ||
| That's pretty loud, too. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Brendan revved it, and I jumped like a bitch. | ||
| Like a bark. | ||
| I went, ah! | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Because I didn't know. | ||
| I went, ah! | ||
| Like my hands went up. | ||
| I sent him a video that is so ridiculous. | ||
| It's the GT2 RS, his car, racing against all these exotics. | ||
| Like all these McLarens and Ferraris. | ||
| He's just burying them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Over and over again. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That car is like one of the fastest cars that you can buy. | ||
| He drives it. | ||
| You know what I love about Brendan? | ||
| What? | ||
| He drives it like it's his number one car. | ||
| It's his only car. | ||
| It's a daily driver. | ||
| It's his daily driver. | ||
| Yeah, it's ridiculous. | ||
| Fucking hilarious. | ||
| A giant man in that ridiculous Porsche. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's his daily driver. | ||
| You gotta love it. | ||
| You gotta love him for it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, listen, he needs a reason to work so hard. | ||
| You know? | ||
| He's one of those guys. | ||
| He likes to be rewarded. | ||
| But those, and I do too, those vehicles, that style of vehicle, it's like you're not doing what everybody else is doing. | ||
| Everybody else is driving to work. | ||
| You're on a ride. | ||
| Is that his car? | ||
| I wish I liked cars that much. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| Why don't you drive that for a day? | ||
| You'll like cars that much. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| Especially after you get to the doctor and get you some of that man juice inside your body. | ||
| Fucking testosterone! | ||
| Then you get one of those. | ||
| What do you mean too much work? | ||
| What work are you anticipating? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know, man. | |
| I need to fucking get a car like that and I'm going to get jacked. | ||
| I'm going to get sick and I'm going to shave my fucking body with a straight razor. | ||
| What about your balls? | ||
| I think we're sponsored by Manscaped. | ||
| Be careful. | ||
| And by the way, if you want to see me in person... | ||
| This Saturday at the Celebrity Theater, I'm in Arizona, and then where am I? Hey, Joe, where the fuck am I on New Year's Eve? | ||
| Where are you on New Year's Eve? | ||
| I'm at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, bro. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| At the Wilbur Theater in Boston. | ||
| Get tickets or fucking die. | ||
| And I got a whole new hour. | ||
| So if you've seen me in the past three months, I got all new material. | ||
| Ooh, the Wilbur. | ||
| One of my favorite theaters on earth. | ||
| Oh, I'm standing like a fucking matador, too. | ||
| Shout out to Bill Blumenwright. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| That's a great theater. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I think we got 400 tickets left, so... | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Get him. | ||
| The guy who owns it, Bill Blumenwright. | ||
| I've been friends with that guy for 28, 29 years. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I've known him forever. | ||
| Yeah, he booked me back when I was really just getting going. | ||
| He booked me at his clubs. | ||
| Great theater. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've known that guy forever. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| I've been friends with him from the beginning of time. | ||
| You're now selling out to... | ||
| How many tickets have you sold at one time? | ||
| The most? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me get my hand out of my pants. | ||
| The biggest place was with Chappelle, but that was me and him. | ||
| That didn't count. | ||
| That was 25,000. | ||
| That was Tacoma. | ||
| Fucking God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| We broke the record for the Tacoma Dome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus. | |
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| That was really fun. | ||
| But by myself, probably San Diego. | ||
| That's like 14. That's fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's that like? | ||
| I've done some other ones that are in the neighborhood of that. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's real weird. | |
| It's so weird. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| It just seems weird like you're getting out there. | ||
| You're like, what in the fuck is going on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and I always come out to ACDC, Long Way to the Top, if you want to rock and roll. | ||
| Great song, baby! | ||
| This is why, man. | ||
| I was at the improv. | ||
| It's a funny story. | ||
| And there was a dude who is the DJ. And he and I were standing there. | ||
| And I was going up a little bit later. | ||
| And there was a girl who was going on. | ||
| I was doing a guest spot who was very new. | ||
| And... | ||
| It wasn't working so well. | ||
| It was rough. | ||
| She was bombing a little bit. | ||
| And I turned to DJ. I go, it's a long way to the top. | ||
| She won a rock and roll. | ||
| And we high-fived. | ||
| And I left the room. | ||
| Then when I went on stage, he played it. | ||
| Very smart. | ||
| And we looked at each other. | ||
| I was like, ah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a long way to the top. | |
| It's a great fucking song. | ||
| It's a great fucking song. | ||
| It's a great song. | ||
| It's one of the best road songs ever. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| I come up to Cashmere by Zeppelin a lot of times. | ||
| Ooh, that's good too. | ||
| It just gets me pumped. | ||
| They had so many fucking amazing songs. | ||
| Have you heard Greta Van Fleet? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Very good. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| They sound so much like Zeppelin, but I don't mind. | ||
| They get away with it because they're so good. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're like the best tribute band ever. | ||
| They are, man. | ||
| I listen to them. | ||
| I rock out. | ||
| And they're fucking really young, right? | ||
| I feel like 21 and shit. | ||
| They're babies. | ||
| They're babies. | ||
| Listen, man, I'm down for any 21-year-old kids that appreciate Zeppelin, period. | ||
| Fuck yes, man. | ||
| Zeppelin's still astonishing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| To me, they might be the greatest. | ||
| You know, you got Pink Floyd, you got the Beatles, you got the Stones, you got the Who. | ||
| But rock and roll, in terms of a group that we still listen to and everything stops, I think it's Zeppelin. | ||
| Well, they're certainly one of the all-time greats. | ||
| But it's almost like every different style of music has its appropriate moment where it hits you perfectly. | ||
| Yeah, you know like there's a there's a moment where like you want to hear voodoo child and it comes on you're like ah But then there's a moment where like sitting on the dock of the bay is the perfect song to hear They're very different. | ||
| I like thank you by that one sometimes I was at a shitty bowling alley and kickstart my heart came on I couldn't have been more happy It depends on your mood. | ||
| That's a fucking great workout song. | ||
| But that's the song. | ||
| Like, if you're at a bowling alley and Motley Crue kickstart my heart comes on, you're like, yeah! | ||
| It's like the right song for the moment, right? | ||
| But like Sarah McLaughlin there, you'd be like, what are you doing to me? | ||
| What are you doing to me? | ||
| But other times, Sarah McLaughlin's the perfect song. | ||
| It's the perfect song. | ||
| It's all different, man. | ||
| It's all... | ||
| They all have their own little spot in the wave of time. | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| They do. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| And you never know what you need to hear sometimes until you hear it. | ||
| Sometimes a song will come on the radio at the perfect time, like you're listening to Spotify or something like that, and a song comes on just when you needed to hear it. | ||
| There's Kickstart My Heart with Sam Kinison. | ||
| Is that Sam Kinison? | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| He was the driver. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's the downhill moments for Sam Kinison, hanging out with these motherfuckers, doing coke until fucking 7 o'clock in the morning, and then trying to do a show at the Comedy Store and being half out of it. | ||
| Can't do it. | ||
| That's what ruined him, man. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Is success and partying. | ||
| I still to this day maintain that the Kinison between 86 and 88 was probably the best comic that ever lived. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| Phenomenal. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| He was making fun of shit that no one had the balls to touch. | ||
| He was crushing things. | ||
| I'm gonna go watch him again. | ||
| Oh my god, that year? | ||
| This is him from the Ronnie Dangerfield comedy special. | ||
| Bro, he was a monster. | ||
| Another head injury victim. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| Yes-siree, Bob. | ||
| Him, like Roseanne Barr. | ||
| Well, no, I know he... | ||
| That's how he died. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He was hit by a car when he was a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| His brother, Bill, wrote a book called Brother Sam. | ||
| And it's like a story of Sam's life. | ||
| It's a really good book. | ||
| If you're a Sam Kinison fan, I recommend it highly. | ||
| I mean, he's Brother Bill. | ||
| He was a strange-looking guy, man. | ||
| I think it's called Brother Sam. | ||
| I think I'm right. | ||
| Anyway, in the book he talks about how Sam was hit by a car and was really bad when he was a little kid and then after that his personality changed. | ||
| Very impulsive, very wild, couldn't control him. | ||
| It's a head injury thing. | ||
| It's the same as Roseanne Barr, the exact same story. | ||
| She had the same She was 15. This is one of the main reasons why I wanted to have her on my podcast after her controversy and have her air this out to people. | ||
| I love that lady. | ||
| I've known her forever. | ||
| She's a wonderful person, and she is a person with legitimate mental illness. | ||
| She was hit by a car when she was 15 years old. | ||
| A lady couldn't see because the sun was coming in. | ||
| It was hitting her windshield and hit her in the middle of the fucking intersection and sent her flying. | ||
| She was in a mental institute for nine months after that. | ||
| She couldn't count anymore. | ||
| They put her in a fucking insane asylum. | ||
| She's losing her mind. | ||
| She's on a host of different pills. | ||
| And it's one of the reasons why she's such a great comic, because she doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| She's brash, and she just says things. | ||
| And when she first came out, man, people don't remember. | ||
| I remember when I was a kid and Roseanne Barr first came out. | ||
| I think it was HBO or one of those comedy specials. | ||
| We got to see her do stand-up. | ||
| You're like, What is this? | ||
| This is like a new type of lady comedian. | ||
| Like how Kinison was a new type of male comedian. | ||
| But it's the same thing. | ||
| They didn't give a fuck. | ||
| They had head injuries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's one of the reasons why I wanted to have her on, to tell everybody, hey, you're dealing with someone who's on a host of different medications. | ||
| They fluctuate. | ||
| They go back and forth. | ||
| They're always changing her meds and moving her meds around. | ||
| Plus, she takes Ambien. | ||
| Plus, she smokes weed. | ||
| Plus, she drinks. | ||
| Like, listen. | ||
| A little compassion. | ||
| She's a nice lady. | ||
| It's what Sapolsky talks about. | ||
| Like, you don't know what's going on in her brain. | ||
| If you did, you'd be a lot more sympathetic to somebody who's, you know. | ||
| He's a huge proponent in the idea of free will being a farce. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Sam Harris does that too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Well, the scientists who can look at things from a completely non-emotional level, I see where they're coming from with that. | ||
| Well, I do think sometimes I wonder if we're programmed. | ||
| I don't know what my motivations are, what drives me. | ||
| For me, I think about stand-up and how much I love it, and so I'm very guarded of my body. | ||
| Sometimes I just don't want anything to fuck up so I can keep doing it. | ||
| The worst thing that would happen to me is I couldn't do stand-up. | ||
| Is that me? | ||
| I just remember loving making people laugh. | ||
| There are a whole host of personality characteristics that have been there from the start, if I think back. | ||
| Well, it certainly is you. | ||
| It certainly is you, and you certainly are responsible for your choices. | ||
| You are the victim of your circumstances. | ||
| You are the product or the benefactor of all these years of things happening, all these different events, all the people you know, which is one of the big ones. | ||
| This is what I concentrate on, I think, more than anything in my life. | ||
| The quality of the people around you dictates the quality of your life. | ||
| And this is an equation that people, for whatever reason, don't put down as significant or primary. | ||
| But the quality of the people that you have in your life is everything. | ||
| You could be camping, like you and I were in Montana, nine degrees out with a bunch of great guys. | ||
| We had a good fucking time. | ||
| Laughing. | ||
| We didn't have a house. | ||
| No, I'm laughing. | ||
| We had to stay warm by fire, but the quality of our life was significant. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Because the quality of the people that you're around, that's everything, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| People that are worried about money or fame or credibility or... | ||
| Whatever accolades you think you deserve that you're not getting, the quality of the people that are around you is everything. | ||
| They drive you. | ||
| They change your opinions. | ||
| They challenge you. | ||
| They show compassion. | ||
| They show warmth and camaraderie that allows you to be more comfortable with who you are. | ||
| You open up to each other. | ||
| I mean, this is everything in this life is community. | ||
| And one of the things that's most lost when we're dealing with urbanization and large groups of people One of the things that's most lost is our sense of community. | ||
| The more people we have, the less value those people have, the more of a nuisance they become. | ||
| They're just some fucks ahead of you on the highway. | ||
| They're not human beings with lives and hopes and wishes. | ||
| They've become a burden. | ||
| They've become locusts. | ||
| They're not just a pretty grasshopper. | ||
| They're fucking everywhere. | ||
| It's just an overabundance. | ||
| That's what our problem is. | ||
| An overabundance and no quality. | ||
| No quality in your job choice. | ||
| No quality in the education that's thrust upon you. | ||
| No quality in the people that you're running into and your relationships that are on pills and are wacky. | ||
| Distort the truth. | ||
| They're always a victim. | ||
| They're never wrong. | ||
| Ugh! | ||
| Or you could be around a bunch of cool people and your life's amazing. | ||
| And that's what's cool about podcasting, because at least you can listen to people who, you know, positive people. | ||
| You should start a podcast called Brian Callen is Your Friend. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Hey, kids. | ||
| Here's my tip for today. | ||
| Wasn't that Brody's Twitter handle? | ||
| Wasn't it Brody is Me Friend? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to start. | ||
| I might start a podcast with me, Sasso, and Delia. | ||
| There's a rumor that the 10-Minute Podcast could start. | ||
| Why give it ten minutes? | ||
| Why don't you guys... | ||
| You guys are just getting warmed up in ten minutes. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Sasa and I might do one where we start funny. | ||
| I don't want to go through the concepts. | ||
| It's too top secret, guys. | ||
| Why don't you just bring back the one with the three of you guys? | ||
| Why is that so hard? | ||
| Maybe that's in the works, bro. | ||
| Just go for hours. | ||
| Maybe that's a big secret. | ||
| Maybe we're going to unveil it. | ||
| I don't know yet. | ||
| I got an idea. | ||
| Why don't you do a podcast with Chris D'Elia and Will Sasa? | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can't take credit for that idea, dude. | ||
| Hey, it's a good idea, right? | ||
| You can have it. | ||
| You don't know if it's in the works or not yet, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| You can have that idea. | ||
| All right, I'll think about it. | ||
| Just do it. | ||
| Now that you mention it, maybe we will. | ||
| Put me in the credits. | ||
| Inspired by Joe Rogan. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| We'll bring you in. | ||
| We'll bring you in. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Imagine being that kind of person. | ||
| There are people out there that actually want credit for coming up with an idea that they didn't come up with. | ||
| There are people out there that want showrunners that step in after someone's created a pilot and they say, I want created by credit. | ||
| Seen it. | ||
| And then I'll run the show. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| That is one of the most bonkers things you ever see in Hollywood. | ||
| You can have a conversation in a goddamn room and then a year later you got this show and that person will show up and sue you. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| And it's happened. | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, I knew a dude who submitted a script to a major Hollywood production company. | ||
| They turned him down, and then they went ahead and made the movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they made the movie. | ||
| It was a blockbuster with big-time stars. | ||
| He sued them. | ||
| He won. | ||
| He should win. | ||
| And he got his name on the movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, that's fair because people do that all the time. | ||
| A lot of times, if you're not a writer and you're an executive, you're under so much pressure to come up with an idea. | ||
| Somebody comes up with an idea and you're like, that's a good idea, but I got a better, we can add some shit to it. | ||
| Right, but you're supposed to have a deal. | ||
| You're supposed to make a deal. | ||
| It's called don't take what doesn't belong to you. | ||
| Don't be a fucking thieving cunt. | ||
| Don't be a thieving cunt. | ||
| The movie was The Expendables. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy was a writer. | ||
| He was a student of Eddie Bravo's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, so I was around when the whole thing was going down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We were all like, whoa, they just stole your idea. | |
| They just jacked it. | ||
| Well, speaking of the Expendables, you know my new favorite person is... | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| I should say allegedly to all the things I've just said. | ||
| I don't know if this is true. | ||
| It could have been a big, giant lie. | ||
| Someone was on Adderall and they just started lying to me. | ||
| My new favorite person is a guy named Sly Stallone. | ||
| Oh, you told me he went to his house for the fights. | ||
| Yeah, but I learned some shit about him. | ||
| Me, David Blaine showed up, and you've got to have him on the podcast. | ||
| David Blaine showed up and did magic. | ||
| Actually, I don't. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I could live the rest of my life and not have David Blaine on the podcast. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I'll be fine. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I think he'd be a great guest. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| And I think you'd like it. | ||
| I don't like you telling what to do. | ||
| All right, I'm just saying, bro. | ||
| You have to have him on. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| I told his daughter to take that picture, and I just got... | ||
| Because I wanted to jump in while they were all doing that, and it was just me in behind him. | ||
| How thick is Stallone's hair? | ||
| That is preposterous. | ||
| It looks fantastic. | ||
| How is it still so good? | ||
| A couple things about Sly you don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Number one. | |
| How is his hair so good? | ||
| Because he's fucking sly. | ||
| Do you think he has someone who does him up before the picture? | ||
| He knows you guys are coming over, so he has his hairdresser, like, puff it all up? | ||
| He shows up like that and just looks, you know... | ||
| I like how he's got the Jay Leno shirt on, too. | ||
| Great fucking sense of humor. | ||
| Oh, he does. | ||
| I interviewed him once for Spike TV. So funny. | ||
| He was hilarious. | ||
| Someone heckled, and he goes, Hey, Ma! | ||
| Oh, he's... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's got... | ||
| And on top of that... | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| He's... | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm all excited. | ||
| For your picture. | ||
| I'm... | ||
| You think I'm... | ||
| I'm not cool in that group. | ||
| Why does Arnold look so solemn? | ||
| Because he was watching the fight. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck about anybody. | ||
| His fight is very important. | ||
| But he's also really cool when you talk to him. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| But me and D'Lea. | ||
| D'Lea goes like this to me. | ||
| We're sitting there with all those legends. | ||
| And D'Lea goes like this. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| I got weird shit going on in my chest, man! | ||
| I feel weird! | ||
| He didn't know what to do with all his... | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Fucking Frank Grillo was so funny. | ||
| How about that bartender? | ||
| They're like, what about me, man? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He's trying to poke his head over his shoulder. | ||
| I mean, do you get any more famous? | ||
| Imagine being a fly on that wall. | ||
| You know what Stallone's really good at? | ||
| Besides horseback riding, world-class horseback rider? | ||
| Sucking cock? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| I just made that up. | ||
| No, painting. | ||
| Oh, I believe that. | ||
| Me, Dahlia, David Bland, and Frank Grillo are following them around his house like little puppies as he's pointing to his insane paintings. | ||
| That he's made himself. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Sells them for, I won't even go to how much. | ||
| I went, how much are you selling for? | ||
| And the number he gave me, I went... | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And I looked at Frank and I went, Frank, I'm a piece of shit. | ||
| Wait, first of all, why are you asking him numbers? | ||
| Because I ask personal fucking questions. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Because I ask personal questions. | ||
| Isn't that weird of you? | ||
| No, because I wanted one! | ||
| Okay, but don't you feel weird saying, hey man, how much money do you make? | ||
| No, well, I said, if I wanted to buy, would you sell these? | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| I go, can you give me a ballpark figure? | ||
| And the ballpark figure, I went, oh, I'll never be able to buy that. | ||
| But they were so cool. | ||
| Don't sell yourself short. | ||
| You should live your life and your goal should be having enough money so it seems reasonable to buy a Stallone painting. | ||
| That's what I want to do. | ||
| That should be your magic future. | ||
| That's why I want to sell out the Wilbur, everybody. | ||
| Look at those paintings. | ||
| He's a great painter. | ||
| That's actually kind of cool. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What's going on back there? | ||
| Is that an elephant in a clock? | ||
| That's a dude's back? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is that? | |
| I don't know, but he's a great painter. | ||
| This is when I was younger. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Is that supposed to be him? | ||
| I looked at Grillo and I got mad. | ||
| I went, hey, I'm a fucking loser. | ||
| I gotta get myself together. | ||
| I gotta do something else. | ||
| Listen, man, the guy does a lot of shit. | ||
| Did he paint himself? | ||
| No. | ||
| Getting mixed in with pictures of him. | ||
| Oh, pictures of him. | ||
| Paintings of him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, he's... | ||
| Look, man. | ||
| The guy wrote Rocky and then would not accept them having anybody else play the character when he was nobody. | ||
| He's got balls of steel. | ||
| Blaine took a video of me listening to him as he read the first page of the Rocky script in his office. | ||
| I wish I wasn't there. | ||
| I would have ran through that wall like the fucking Kool-Aid man. | ||
| Like, I can't. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I can't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta get out of here. | |
| He tells a story about how Joe Frazier came in to audition for it, for the Apollo Creed thing. | ||
| And he said, you know, we decided to do some boxing just to have him, you know, because there were going to be fight scenes. | ||
| And he said, I tried to. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| Frazier started tapping me in different places and he literally was just like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| It was like getting caught in a buzzsaw. | ||
| He's like, wait, this is not going to work in a movie. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And then the same thing with Roberto Duran. | ||
| He's like, I'll box a little bit. | ||
| And he said, I started getting hit in so many different places that I felt like I was in a washing machine. | ||
| The way he tells the story is fucking hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, those guys, they know. | ||
| This is when I was younger, when I was Rambo. | ||
| Oh, the best. | ||
| Look at my fucking ass. | ||
| With the Italian fucking horn! | ||
| With the Italian horn! | ||
| Look at that fucking hair! | ||
| And Peyton. | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| His daughters are fucking great, too. | ||
| He's a... | ||
| Yeah, he's a really fascinating guy. | ||
| A very, very unusual guy. | ||
| And the thing about him is, like, he's done so many of these big blockbuster hits that I think people forget that he can actually act. | ||
| If you go back and watch Rocky I, you go, oh... | ||
| This guy's a really good actor. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| In Rocky 1, man, you get to see who he was. | ||
| You know, a young guy. | ||
| Well, in First Blood, when he got that script, he's the one who said, because he was a homicidal maniac, the character. | ||
| And he said, this isn't going to work. | ||
| He's got to be a killer, but specifically, you can't just kill everybody. | ||
| He's got to have a philosophy behind why he fucking does this. | ||
| He's got to have a purpose. | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| How great was this movie? | ||
| Yeah, that's young, angry, skinny-faced Stallone. | ||
| Look at them cheeks, son. | ||
| He was 165, I think, when he made that movie. | ||
| I believe it, yeah. | ||
| Fascinating character in Hollywood. | ||
| I mean, you've never had a guy with the longevity that Sylvester Stallone has had. | ||
| 45 years. | ||
| 45 fucking years. | ||
| He is still making action movies. | ||
| He's 150,000 years old. | ||
| He's still making action movies. | ||
| And you buy it. | ||
| Bill Burr was there. | ||
| He's been there the two times I've been there. | ||
| And Bill, you know, Bill... | ||
| Bill Burr went to the house? | ||
| Yeah, he's there every time. | ||
| So Bill goes, I'm standing like a fucking loser. | ||
| It's Stallone, it's Schwarzenegger, and I think Pacino. | ||
| And they're talking. | ||
| It's my childhood. | ||
| And I'm standing in that group, sort of. | ||
| And I'm like this. | ||
| And I don't want to say anything. | ||
| I don't want to say anything. | ||
| Did you want to impress him, though, with some of your esoteric knowledge? | ||
| So badly! | ||
| So badly! | ||
| I wasn't even listening. | ||
| I was like, what can I say? | ||
| Hey, you guys ever read... | ||
| Chomsky? | ||
| Yeah, Chomsky, whatever. | ||
| Anyway, like a fucking loser. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| Bill Burr walks up behind me. | ||
| The new Rainbow is just playing. | ||
| It's his most recent work. | ||
| Him riding. | ||
| Joey Diaz said that this is Roadhouse on steroids. | ||
| He goes, Joe Rogan, listen to me. | ||
| This fucking movie's amazing. | ||
| I want to see it. | ||
| It's Roadhouse on steroids. | ||
| It's fucking incredible. | ||
| You love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, get high to the fucking gills. | |
| Look at this. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| He beats all those guys up? | ||
| Of course he does! | ||
| Dude, that's a lot of guns to have to dodge. | ||
| Shut your fucking mouth. | ||
| I don't know, bro. | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| I'm a fan, but still. | ||
| He's drawing a bow back. | ||
| How realistic is this? | ||
| Oh, it's 100% realistic. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| I can't even ask. | ||
| What do you, hate America? | ||
| All I want to do is shoot an explosive arrow. | ||
| Son, you love those communists that you were talking about. | ||
| No, dude, I swear I don't, man! | ||
| He booby traps this house and fucks everybody up, chopping them up. | ||
| Dude, you draw first blood in that fucking dude, and he'll draw last blood. | ||
| He got real lean a few years back, like crazy lean. | ||
| He was playing this, I think he was playing a hitman. | ||
| And it was actually a pretty fucking good movie. | ||
| An interesting movie. | ||
| Like, it didn't get enough credit. | ||
| Like, what was the... | ||
| Bullet to the Head? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Bullet to the Head. | ||
| Let me see that. | ||
| Bullet to the Head was a pretty fucking good action movie. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| But look how lean he got. | ||
| He got, like, triathlete lean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| More CrossFitter lean. | ||
| I asked him if he had any injuries. | ||
| He goes to his phone and showed me his spine and all the operations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got fucking bolts on my neck like Frankenstein! | |
| Is that Jason Momoa? | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| I hope it is! | ||
| Hey, I'm watching this fucking movie as soon as I get home. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Who else is allowed to be that big and handsome? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| Only Jason Momoa. | ||
| Jason Momoa is the best looking man on the planet. | ||
| Yeah, I think he is in this movie. | ||
| I want to look like that. | ||
| But yeah, this was not that long ago, but it was a good movie. | ||
| Like a good, solid, you know, action movie. | ||
| Yeah, I enjoyed it. | ||
| I enjoyed it. | ||
| Like, I'm a Stallone fan. | ||
| I've been watching that guy's movies forever. | ||
| But what I liked about this, it's a Walter Hill film too. | ||
| What I liked about this movie was, I mean, not just liked about it, but that Stallone got like super crazy lean. | ||
| He looked like he was 170 pounds. | ||
| There you go, buddy. | ||
| Full star cast. | ||
| Bill Burr walks up to me right behind me as I'm listening to these guys trying to get into the conversation. | ||
| And he goes like this. | ||
| He goes, hey, you've been here for an hour already. | ||
| Get over it. | ||
| He just keeps walking. | ||
| Bill's the best, right? | ||
| Bill told me that he's fucking, he's gonna start working out. | ||
| He called me up. | ||
| He goes, hey dude, you fell out a medium sweater. | ||
| You look good. | ||
| I'm coming for that title, you piece of shit. | ||
| He can never say anything nice. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| We came on stage one time at the comedy store. | ||
| I mean, the laugh factor. | ||
| He was so funny and so good. | ||
| And I go, I think you're the best right now, period. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I think you're the best. | ||
| And I have to say it. | ||
| And I'm a professional comic. | ||
| And I'm pretty funny myself. | ||
| And I'm saying it from you. | ||
| And if I'm saying it, I'm right. | ||
| So that's how it is. | ||
| And I walked away from him. | ||
| Got a message. | ||
| He goes, hey, Bri, I got to tell you, the shit you were doing was killing me. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| Coming from you, that meant a lot to me. | ||
| I just want to thank you because I had this fucking gig. | ||
| It didn't go well. | ||
| It was just tough for me, but just hearing that from you was fucking, because you're hilarious. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And go fuck yourself, though, because I can't be nice for too long. | ||
| I saved the message for a long time. | ||
| He's a fucking character, man. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| There's so many good comics right now. | ||
| It's such a good time. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| We're lucky as fuck. | ||
| And we're all friends. | ||
| Yeah, that's what's interesting, right? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You know, in those Kinnison days we were talking about, like Dice and Kinnison fucking hated each other, man. | ||
| Yeah, there's none of that shit. | ||
| There's a bullet hole in the sign in the back parking lot because Kinnison pulled out a gun, shot the fucking sign, scared Dice off. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's impulsive. | ||
| That fucking sign had a hole in it forever. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| And they fixed the glass part. | ||
| I'm like, why would you fix it? | ||
| It's crazy to fix it. | ||
| Don't fix it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That crack is magical, man. | ||
| That's where Kinnison shot through. | ||
| That's part of the fun. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I think the bullet hole's still in the back, though. | ||
| You still feel the bullet hole. | ||
| The podcasting, and probably yours for the most part, has changed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| There's the hole. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I remember it so well. | ||
| The fucking Kinnison bullet hole, son. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| That's head injuries, kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know all about that stuff. | ||
| Carrying a gun. | ||
| That's what made him a great... | ||
| It's almost like you have to be sick in the head to be that funny. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm going to get into shooting, by the way. | ||
| I saw you were at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come! | |
| I want to do that for real. | ||
| Okay, let's go next week. | ||
| First of all, I need to learn how to shoot with both my eyes open. | ||
| I'll take you. | ||
| Because I've got to get ready for the apocalypse. | ||
| Dude, it's fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang! | |
| I'll take you down to Terran Tactical. | ||
| We'll go through a course. | ||
| I box, I do jiu-jitsu, I take testosterone, and I fucking shoot guns. | ||
| Oh my god, you're crazy. | ||
| I'm a fucking man. | ||
| Hey, how long do you think you can hang from a chin-up bar? | ||
| We're gonna go try. | ||
| How long do you think you can? | ||
| I'm going to say, because I don't practice it, I'm going to say no more than a minute, but I'm going to try. | ||
| Really? | ||
| A minute? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Are you skeptical? | ||
| Remember, I can do a lot of pull-ups. | ||
| No, I can do more than a minute. | ||
| I do two minutes and 15 seconds. | ||
| That's a long fucking time. | ||
| You've been practicing it. | ||
| Don't tell me otherwise. | ||
| I've been dedicated to it. | ||
| Over the last two months. | ||
| Alright, so now I'm going to do it. | ||
| I usually was doing a couple minutes a day, but I was breaking it up into like 30 second chunks, or maybe I'd go a minute, and then I decided about two months ago to see how long I could hold on for. | ||
| It's good for your shoulders, they say. | ||
| What helps me is if I hold on for like 15-20 seconds and I rest for a long time, and then I go back and do it, I could do it a lot longer. | ||
| So I should warm up for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, let me ask you this. | ||
| I powder my hands, too. | ||
| I chalk my hands up. | ||
| That's big, too. | ||
| I'm doing that, too. | ||
| Because your hands get sweaty, and then it fucks with your grip. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| When you hang, do you have tension, or are you totally loose? | ||
| Totally loose. | ||
| You are. | ||
| Yes, but one trick that I do when I start getting really tired is I tense up. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So I squeeze the bar harder, and I start doing these. | ||
| We go up, and then let down. | ||
| I go up, and then let down. | ||
| It's almost like it's distracting me from the fact that my hands are burning out. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I feel like it also engages like maybe almost like a different way of holding it that gives you like a little bit of a break. | ||
| Not much of a break. | ||
| You're still hanging on. | ||
| There goes the podcast because all I'm thinking about now is doing that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I worked out today with him. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It's made my hands thicker. | ||
| It's harder for me to get my wedding ring off because my fingers are actually getting thicker. | ||
| I worked out with my friend Rudy Reyes. | ||
| Do you know who that is? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| Bring up Rudy Reyes. | ||
| What did he do to you, Brian? | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Let's take a look at his body for a second. | ||
| He's 48 years old. | ||
| Please understand what he's about. | ||
| Did he make you get pumped? | ||
| We worked kettlebells, bro, and we did some body weight. | ||
| Oh, you told me that this is like the first time you've ever really worked kettlebells, right? | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| It's amazing, isn't it? | ||
| It's what's up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| It's what I love. | ||
| Well, this is the second time, and I was sore. | ||
| It really, for me, is the best thing that translates into jiu-jitsu. | ||
| There's something about like, if you have like a 50 or 70 pound kettlebell, and you're clean and pressing it and do windmills and all that, that to me is like, that really works for jiu-jitsu. | ||
| That's not a good, you gotta see him now. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I don't want him to look better than that. | ||
| No, he couldn't be better looking. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| Look at him there. | ||
| I'm uncomfortable. | ||
| You gotta have him with his beard. | ||
| That's my boy right there. | ||
| He's getting weird. | ||
| Recon Marine. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's getting kind of fat. | ||
| No, his body's so stupid. | ||
| He's a little fat. | ||
| You gotta see the chest. | ||
| Let's get him naked. | ||
| Look at his shoulder. | ||
| Stop right there. | ||
| Pause. | ||
| Like, back up a little bit. | ||
| Look at the striations in his shoulder. | ||
| That dude's like 4% body fat. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| Let's go ahead and get him naked, bro. | ||
| What, he can't get down to two? | ||
| I've never seen a body like this. | ||
| It's me and Stevie Blue Eyes. | ||
| Everybody else, we're always like, well, that's who I want to look like. | ||
| You want to see it naked? | ||
| No, I didn't say it out loud. | ||
| Is it on his Instagram? | ||
| Does he take thirst pics? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, of course it does. | |
| Let's see the first one. | ||
| Is that Gito Santino and him at the top? | ||
| No. | ||
| Look at you guys together. | ||
| I don't like how he's hugging you. | ||
| I'm getting jealous. | ||
| I don't like that picture. | ||
| Go to that picture again with him and you together. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I don't like how he's hugging you. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
| I look like a fucking old nurse. | ||
| I don't like how he's hugging you. | ||
| He's hugging you like he's going to take you down and buttfuck you. | ||
| He will. | ||
| Seems like he's gonna. | ||
| I was there with a bunch of- If I guessed, I would think this kept going. | ||
| You'd have a look on your face of shock, and then his wrist would be cinched tighter in your waist, and then next thing you see one of your legs is up in the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| There you go. | ||
| Do the kung fu thing. | ||
| The one on the right of that? | ||
| Yeah, for no reason. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| He's doing kung fu with bands. | ||
| Just for the fuck of it. | ||
| If he started a cult, you know how many chicks he could bang? | ||
| Dude, that's what he looks like. | ||
| That's what he looks like. | ||
| If that guy was with wooden beads on, teaching people how to meditate, just slinging dick in a jungle somewhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Right? | ||
| He pulls up to the class in a canoe and all the girls are waiting for him with beads on. | ||
| Like, class, let's begin. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| We begin with breathing. | ||
| He wears scarves. | ||
| He's more muscular than Frank Grillo. | ||
| He's sexier than Frank Grillo, which is impossible to pull off. | ||
| The tights are suspect. | ||
| I'm not liking the tights. | ||
| I'll wear them. | ||
| It just seems weird. | ||
| Why do you have tights on? | ||
| I don't know, dude, but it doesn't matter because he's Rudy Reyes and I'm doing that. | ||
| It's not a choice. | ||
| It's not a choice for a grown man who's not in a yoga class. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Are you a gymnast? | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| He does all that shit. | ||
| He does rings. | ||
| He does all that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| We gotta get serious, bro. | ||
| About what? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everything? | |
| You know what's fucking pathetic at 52? | ||
| Still talking about working out. | ||
| Still trying to get better and stronger. | ||
| I disagree. | ||
| I can't wait to go on testosterone. | ||
| Listen, I enjoy everything that I do. | ||
| I enjoy every part of being a man. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| So if it keeps going, why is that weird? | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I liked it when I was 30. I like it now. | ||
| But I want the David Sinclair drugs. | ||
| I want to figure out how to have the wind of a 30-year-old. | ||
| My body's betraying me. | ||
| Whitney told me she started taking NAD. She's been taking NAD injections. | ||
| Jamie, there's a place that hooks that up, right? | ||
| What is NAD? That's a good question. | ||
| I'd butcher it. | ||
| But you can take it in pill form, too, which I've been doing. | ||
| Oh, you have? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, is that what he was talking about, Sinclair? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| There's a lot of other stuff that people are taking note that actually, it supposedly maybe increases your lifespan but decreases performance. | ||
| That's that metformin stuff. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's it. | ||
| Yeah, that is, there's a lot of controversy with that. | ||
| Like, as soon as we did that podcast, people that I know that are more into the performance side of athletics and nutrition and well-being, they were like, eh, eh, eh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That stuff is not really what you want me to do. | ||
| I talked to my doctor about it. | ||
| He said you're, you know, you're... | ||
| Blood work doesn't look like you would need it. | ||
| Nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Say the first word. | ||
| Nicotinamide. | ||
| Nicotinamide. | ||
| Adenine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dionucleotide. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a problem with being a doctor and a scientist. | ||
| You have to remember all that fucking Latin. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| May slow or even reverse the aging process. | ||
| What does it say, Jamie? | ||
| Put it back up? | ||
| Reverse the aspects of aging. | ||
| Also delay the progression of age-related diseases. | ||
| Holla at your boy. | ||
| If Whitney goes back in time and starts looking like she's 20, you know, it works. | ||
| She looks pretty damn good. | ||
| She looks pretty good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's doing it every day, too. | ||
| I love Whitney. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| I fucking love her. | ||
| She's one of the smartest people I know. | ||
| I just love her. | ||
| I'm one of the most well-read. | ||
| Look, she's always bringing up some books she read. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, she's always curious about shit. | ||
| That's so important in this life, is just to constantly... | ||
| When you stop being curious about things, you just kind of go... | ||
| I know. | ||
| She fucking shoots me when I don't realize I'm being shot. | ||
| She's videotaping me when I'm doing my usual silly shit in the green room, but I don't... | ||
| And I'm just like, the other day I was coming in and I was... | ||
| And I was just, I was like, the thing is I shoot guns down. | ||
| And then, and I'm doing this fucking weird, acting like a complete idiot. | ||
| And she's videotaping the whole fucking thing. | ||
| And then puts it on her story. | ||
| I'm like, Whitney! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| When are we going hunting? | ||
| Why don't you take me hunting? | ||
| Well, because you're not really fully committed. | ||
| Bullshit! | ||
| I'm there. | ||
| Number one, I'm dead-eye. | ||
| Number two, I make you laugh. | ||
| Number three, I'm game-eye. | ||
| I'm 100% down to go hunting with you. | ||
| You don't have to convince me. | ||
| But the difference is, I do it for all my meat now, and I bow-hunt. | ||
| I need meat too, bro. | ||
| Listen, we started out together, Brian, in 2012. We hunted together for the first time. | ||
| And you went one way, and I went another way. | ||
| You went the bow and arrow way, and you bought me a bow. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| I didn't buy you a bow. | ||
| Hoyt paid for that bow. | ||
| Hoyt got you that bow. | ||
| I thought you got it. | ||
| No, I organized it. | ||
| I had it sent to you. | ||
| I've never shot it. | ||
| You should have shot it. | ||
| It's old now. | ||
| I gotta bring it here. | ||
| Gotta get a new one. | ||
| My dad was like, you and Joe Rogan look very similar, like brothers. | ||
| Well, we basically are. | ||
| Well, we were in Wikipedia for most of our lives. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Until somebody figured it out. | ||
| Fuckers. | ||
| Fuckers. | ||
| It said half-brother to Brian Cowan on my Wikipedia bio forever. | ||
| People always say, your brother's a good guy. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Yeah, well, we always talk about this, but the moment we met, we're like, oh, fellow idiot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| How are you, traveler? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the greatest. | |
| It's the greatest. | ||
| I gotta do it all. | ||
| I gotta do jiu-jitsu boxing, but I don't end up in jail. | ||
| I was like, well, that sounds like my kind of guy. | ||
| Dummies. | ||
| We both had pit bulls. | ||
| We were both... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dummies! | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| Super duper dummies. | ||
| You picked me up so early in the morning. | ||
| I was like, I want a dog just out of the box. | ||
| Dude, I look good with a beard. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| And a shotgun. | ||
| That's turkey hunting. | ||
| Turkey hunting is fun. | ||
| Because it's like, I swear to god, there's a feeling that you get when you kill an animal that's not a happy feeling. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| There's a remorse that is engulfing the happiness. | ||
| There's happiness, but there's also a remorse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I agree. | |
| I get serious. | ||
| I get sad. | ||
| There's no remorse when you blast a turkey. | ||
| I'm here to tell you. | ||
| I shot a turkey in the head. | ||
| I felt nothing. | ||
| Not only that, I put it on Instagram. | ||
| Nobody gave a fuck. | ||
| I was holding that turkey up by its feet. | ||
| I'm like, shot a turkey. | ||
| Nobody cared. | ||
| I know. | ||
| No vegans care about turkeys. | ||
| They should die. | ||
| And if you're around them, you care about them even less. | ||
| Well, everything wants to kill a turkey to the point where you have to cover your face because otherwise they're like, ah! | ||
| And they run away. | ||
| Look at the size of the one Steve got. | ||
| That's a big turkey. | ||
| That's what I call a big fucking tom. | ||
| Yeah, it's a big-ass turkey, man. | ||
| I love using hunting terminology around hunters so they think I'm a more seasoned hunter than I really am. | ||
| They're a cool animal. | ||
| Turkey's a cool animal, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| It's a bird that kind of flies, but doesn't. | ||
| Yeah, it'd be the last bird I would choose to be. | ||
| They go up in a tree. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's about it. | ||
| They can just barely make it to a tree. | ||
| Gotta worry about coyotes, foxes. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| You gotta worry about everything. | ||
| Everything wants to eat you. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| Everything, you know? | ||
| Probably other birds. | ||
| Oh, hell yeah. | ||
| Oh, dude, my kids found, in my neighborhood, they found a fucking, my son goes, Daddy, there's a bird that's dead. | ||
| And I go there, and it was a dove with no head, and its chest had been eaten out, clearly by a bird of prey. | ||
| Yeah, or an owl. | ||
| We have a big owl in the neighborhood. | ||
| Owls don't fuck around. | ||
| I had an owl that was killing hawks in my neighborhood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, these hawks were all beheaded. | ||
| And this owl just decided to start fucking up these hawks. | ||
| There is one of the best videos that I've ever seen online of animal interactions where an owl swoops down and snatches a hawk out of its nest. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| Yeah, they got a camera on this nest of hawks. | ||
| So they kill hawks. | ||
| They kill whatever the fuck they want. | ||
| Give a hoot, don't pollute. | ||
| Listen, that thing's a ruthless fucking killer. | ||
| Kill cats too. | ||
| They kill everything. | ||
| Cats, rabbits. | ||
| One of them, I was driving down the street to my house and I was driving and this owl was like flying over the street holding a rabbit and just decided I was getting too close to him so he just let the rabbit go and splat. | ||
| So I got out of the car to look at the rabbit, just disemboweled rabbit. | ||
| Just tore this fucking thing apart. | ||
| But this video, it was on my Instagram. | ||
| It's night vision. | ||
| And you see these hawks just hanging out in the nest like, oh, well, look at this. | ||
| I guess we'll be here for the night. | ||
| No, look at the eyes. | ||
| Look at the eyes. | ||
| Look at the eyes. | ||
| I didn't know that these were hawks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bitch! | |
| Oh! | ||
| And the other one's like, hey, what the fuck happened? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| What the fuck happened? | ||
| What the fuck happened? | ||
| One more time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch. | |
| Look at the eyes. | ||
| Look at the eyes in the distance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at how quick. | |
| See the eyes? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Here it comes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bitch! | |
| I love that video. | ||
| It says, Owl Attacks Hawk. | ||
| You can find the video online, on YouTube. | ||
| Enjoy. | ||
| Owl Attacks Hawk. | ||
| And you can find me at the Wilbur Theater. | ||
| Oh, are you doing comedy on New Year's Eve at the Wilbur Theater in Boston? | ||
| No, dude, I don't want to talk about that. | ||
| Do you have a whole new hour? | ||
| I do have a whole new hour. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| So you're going to do comedy on New Year's Eve in Boston? | ||
| At the Wilbur. | ||
| Oh my goodness, people. | ||
| And I'll be there. | ||
| I'll be in Arizona this Saturday at the Celebrity Theater if you want to come by. | ||
| I love the Celebrity Theater. | ||
| It's in the round. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a great place. | ||
| I'm excited. | ||
| That spins, too, a little bit, right? | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| I think it does a slow spin. | ||
| I gotta be ready. | ||
| I think you can turn it on or off. | ||
| I think it's up to you. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm pretty sure the Celebrity Theater spins. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| George Lopez did a special... | ||
| Something there tomorrow. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Louis C.K. did a special there. | ||
| I think Lopez might have done something there too, but that's a great, great, great theater. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| It's intimate, even though it's like a couple thousand people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| Oh, there it is. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| See, I think that thing rotates. | ||
| Oh, that's so cool. | ||
| Yeah, I think that thing rotates. | ||
| John Holgram's, you know, he's that radio guy. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| It's his happy endings thing. | ||
| That's the first place I ever met Segura. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I worked with Segura on the... | ||
| There was a tour I did with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron, and we had a different local guy open up in every place, and Segura opened up there. | ||
| That's how I became buddies with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Funny, man. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Brian Cowens in Phoenix with Frank Caliendo and Adam Ray. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's a crazy lineup. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Are you going to spin it if they let you spin it? | ||
| Find out if that thing spins. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Chris D'Elia goes, Hey everyone, don't go to this. | ||
| He's such a dick. | ||
| He said the first fucking thing on my thing. | ||
| Hey everyone, don't go to this. | ||
| Your fake feud with him is very strange. | ||
| So much fun. | ||
| You guys make videos about each other. | ||
| He did the podcast yesterday. | ||
| It was... | ||
| The funniest thing in the world. | ||
| The most insulting. | ||
| One time we were doing the podcast and he was just lying there. | ||
| And I go, be respectful and sit the fuck up. | ||
| And I started talking and he just got up and he slapped me in my mouth. | ||
| And I was like, I'll fucking kill you. | ||
| And I came at him and he started going, tried to kiss me. | ||
| It was like kryptonite. | ||
| Yeah, he's a weirdo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Weirdo. | ||
| He's from outer space. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Me and Will Sass always say he's from outer space. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look, look. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, he smacked him right in the face. | |
| Funny motherfucker, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| And a great guy, too. | ||
| Just a good dude. | ||
| I like being around him. | ||
| He's fun. | ||
| Yeah, these are my inner circle. | ||
| Well, we're all weirdos, right? | ||
| He's a weirdo weirdo. | ||
| You reminded me of what misfits we are because I wanted to do this idea where I was going to do this thing for Onnit where we're going to come up with funny ways to sell product. | ||
| I thought it would be a good way to recruit some comics and get them a job. | ||
| Sit around a table and create a marketing thing. | ||
| None of them. | ||
| Like, two of them got back to me. | ||
| Everybody else is like, sorry, I didn't have time. | ||
| They're just fucking misfits. | ||
| Misfits. | ||
| Like, you can make real money, you fucking idiot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| Too tired. | ||
| Too tired. | ||
| Too high. | ||
| Gotta get up. | ||
| Too high. | ||
| Gotta show at the Laugh Factory in two hours. | ||
| Yeah, fuck off. | ||
| Can't make it. | ||
| That's why you're funny. | ||
| That's why you're funny. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of them. | ||
| A lot of people are funny because of the fact that they're impulsive. | ||
| They don't have discipline, and they just... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's part of what makes them funny. | ||
| Self-loathing. | ||
| They're also wild. | ||
| They're wild people. | ||
| They're not good at being disciplined and rigid and on a schedule that they create themselves. | ||
| You can't like yourself. | ||
| I would tell you that my acting... | ||
| I was in Jeffrey Tamworth's class and doing an acting thing and Jeffrey Tamworth looked at me and goes, You got a little self-esteem problem, huh? | ||
| I feel like your second banana in general in life. | ||
| And some guy goes, Thank God! | ||
| And everybody looks up at him and he goes, well, he wouldn't be funny if he didn't hate himself, so I'll take him this way. | ||
| Never forgot it. | ||
| I was like, yeah, alright. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| I don't know if you have to like yourself that much. | ||
| I think you should always be a little dissatisfied with yourself. | ||
| It works for me. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think you should be satisfied very often if you want to be good at anything. | ||
| I'm fulfilled. | ||
| You're on a path, right? | ||
| You're on an improvement and growth path. | ||
| You're trying to get better. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| It's tennis, right? | ||
| You're trying to get better at it all the time. | ||
| If you want to get better at it all the time, you've got to be scrutinizing. | ||
| You can't be happy about certain moments where you were really good and think that's you. | ||
| You've got to be thinking about the things that didn't go good. | ||
| I've got to fix that part. | ||
| There's that famous story, whether it's true or not, but I think it is. | ||
| Rafael Nadal had just won Wimbledon. | ||
| One of the greatest of all time. | ||
| Have you ever seen him play? | ||
| His athleticism, his power. | ||
| He hits the ball so hard that the ball revolves twice as fast. | ||
| It makes 20 as many revolutions as the average high-level tennis player. | ||
| That's how much spin it is. | ||
| Like it's 80 versus 40 or something. | ||
| And he got out and he just won Wimbledon. | ||
| And he's back in the locker room going, I don't know if my grip should have been a little bit... | ||
| I think I'm going to change. | ||
| It's still adjusting after he won. | ||
| You have to be. | ||
| That's how you get to be that guy. | ||
| And as soon as you get to be that guy and you go, oh, I got it, then you're going to fall off. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| That happens to everybody. | ||
| Don't you feel stand-ups that way, too, though? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Well, we were talking about with Kinnison, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, Kinnison, when he was on fire, he was longing for acceptance and longing for respect and attention. | ||
| And he was going to take it! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just went out there fucking guns blazing like an animal. | ||
| But then once he got out, he's partying with Bon Jovi and Motley Crue, and they're doing Blow, and fucking on the tour bus, and, you know, drinking vodka until 5 in the morning. | ||
| All that chaos. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| It stops being the same thing. | ||
| Life is now, you're celebrating the fact that you're the shit instead of you're desperate to make the best work you can make. | ||
| Desperate to work. | ||
| I talked to this, I won't say the name of the famous rock and roller who made a... | ||
| Elton John? | ||
| May as well be. | ||
| Mick Jagger? | ||
| He made a... | ||
| He made a seminal album, like an album that's a classic album. | ||
| And I said, what do you think it was? | ||
| He goes, I was just so desperate to be heard. | ||
| I was desperate to be heard. | ||
| And then you get older and you get rich and you kind of prove that you can do it and you lose... | ||
| Bob Dylan talks about that. | ||
| He goes, I don't know who wrote those songs. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| They read his lyrics back and he said, isn't that something? | ||
| I'm like, who did that? | ||
| Not me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I can't do that anymore. | ||
| That's a fear of mine. | ||
| I want to be... | ||
| I want to stay hungry and... | ||
| Well, with stand-up, the difference is you can't just go back and redo your old songs. | ||
| You have to constantly be relevant. | ||
| You have to have stuff that works right now. | ||
| And the people can't have heard it too many times. | ||
| It's not like songs. | ||
| I still want to hear... | ||
| Like, if you went to see the Rolling Stones, you'd want to hear Brown Sugar. | ||
| You'd want to hear it. | ||
| There's songs that are just iconic and they give you a good feeling when you hear them. | ||
| Not jokes. | ||
| No, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jokes. | |
| I appreciate old comedy. | ||
| I go back and watch it. | ||
| Like I'm watching art or something like that. | ||
| I'm watching someone's work and I can appreciate it. | ||
| But I don't appreciate it from the feeling that you get when you see it the first time and you laugh and you're surprised and the punchlines come out and you're like, I was surprised that Bill Cosby had only done one album. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| One or two albums. | ||
| I was really shocked at that. | ||
| I was like, I thought he'd done like 14 or something. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did mostly what he did was videos? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| He was just... | ||
| Didn't he have like albums of his videos though? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Really? | ||
| We looked it up and I was like, I thought he'd done like 14 or 15 albums. | ||
| Found a lot. | ||
| How many? | ||
| I mean, I just typed in Bill Cosby albums. | ||
| He's got three separate vinyls. | ||
| So three albums, three vinyls, and some other stuff? | ||
| 1963, 77, 2004, 70, 71, 67, 68, 76. All right, so much for that. | ||
| Oh, he had a lot. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| Me and Schaub looked it up, and we were like, we can only find... | ||
| Well, you guys are morons, and you don't know how to Google. | ||
| Jamie's a wizard. | ||
| Jamie, you're good. | ||
| Hey, fucking Chin! | ||
| Get it together! | ||
| Hey, Chin! | ||
| Get it together! | ||
| Get it together! | ||
| Hey, Chin! | ||
| You guys didn't even type Cosby right. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Bill Burr and I were supposed to go see him before the scandal hit. | ||
| We were supposed to go see him. | ||
| We were going to make a trip to go see him in Vegas. | ||
| I think Bill wound up seeing him another time after that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, look at this. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| That's what I thought. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| 20 albums. | ||
| I said, and then I got... | ||
| He's got music albums, dude. | ||
| He's got one, two... | ||
| Stop, stop, stop, stop. | ||
| He's got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... | ||
| What? | ||
| That's like 17 music albums. | ||
| No. | ||
| And he sings? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Look at all these music albums. | ||
| 20-ish. | ||
| We had marching band. | ||
| Bro. | ||
| Concerts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had music albums. | |
| So 12 albums. | ||
| More than that. | ||
| Wait, no, we have way more, man. | ||
| 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. You couldn't have been more wrong, and yet you stated it so confidently. | ||
| 21! | ||
| Chin, you're fired. | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| Because I said this, and then we'd only find one, and I was so embarrassed. | ||
| I rarely get embarrassed. | ||
| Well, now you're embarrassed again. | ||
| That's what's really a shame. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I was right. | ||
| No, because I was right the first time I said, fuck off. | ||
| Edit that out. | ||
| Edit all that out. | ||
| I see what you did. | ||
| I see what you did. | ||
| He's got a bunch of Grammys, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get to keep those. | ||
| Even after you're in jail for rape? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Only person ever, like, OJ was supposed to lose his Heisman and they can't find it, I think? | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He's like, hmm, can't find it. | ||
| I don't know where it went. | ||
| Hey, Twitter world, can't find my Heisman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His Twitter feed is so bizarre. | ||
| Because he does it different than anybody. | ||
| Everything is hey Twitter world. | ||
| And everything is about football. | ||
| It's all about what this guy needs to do. | ||
| And obviously he knows a lot about football. | ||
| He's a fucking world class player. | ||
| One of the best of all time. | ||
| In the comments, or where the real show is, the comments is all knife emojis, and you really killed that one, OJ. And it's like everyone takes their own crack at him in the comments. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| What's he doing now? | ||
| I wonder if he's selling merch. | ||
| Oh my god, selling merch. | ||
| This should be like a hidden knife in there sometime. | ||
| You know, like an angle where, like, you know, Sierra's legs are crossed. | ||
| There should be, like, something at the bottom. | ||
| If you look at the silhouette, it looks like a knife. | ||
| Hey, Twitter world, look at this. | ||
| Holiday juice or something. | ||
| Yeah, that is crazy. | ||
| I wonder if he makes money. | ||
| He's going to sell out. | ||
| Well, I don't think he can spend it. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| He owes the Goldmans a large sum of money from a civil case. | ||
| They can't get the money out of his pension because he's got an NFL pension. | ||
| That's one of the reasons I think why he moved to Florida. | ||
| Florida has certain laws that protect you. | ||
| Now he's in Nevada, I think. | ||
| There's places that have different laws to protect you from lawsuits where your pension is protected. | ||
| You never have to worry about being broke because of a lawsuit. | ||
| He's paid a serious price for all that. | ||
| Two people are dead, Brian. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| I don't think it's that serious. | ||
| He's out there playing golf and going, hey, Twitter world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he wasn't really even charged with that. | ||
| He was charged with kidnapping. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's funny is that he's allowed to be on Twitter, whereas think about some of the people that have been banned for Twitter for saying things like, a woman is never a man, or a man is never a woman. | ||
| That's amazing to me. | ||
| Dead naming. | ||
| If you call Caitlyn Jenner, Bruce Jenner, that's dead naming Caitlyn, and then you are banned for life from Twitter. | ||
| Is that really true? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Where did this all come from? | ||
| We're that hyper... | ||
| It's what we were talking about earlier with people getting mad at someone for saying Merry Christmas. | ||
| But you had Jack Dorsey on. | ||
| It's the exact same thing. | ||
| Jack Dorsey does not want this. | ||
| Jack Dorsey is calling for some sort of a decentralized version of Twitter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was talking about it when he was here, like having a Wild West Twitter where everything goes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think he's right. | ||
| And Jack is a very internet-minded guy. | ||
| Here's the thing you have to understand when you're talking about being the CEO of something that is literally responsible for billions of pieces of information every single day. | ||
| He doesn't control everything. | ||
| He's managing at scale. | ||
| He's the CEO of a company that he's under pressure to make more profit. | ||
| It's not as simple as anybody would like to think. | ||
| And it's not like he can say, hey, I think no one should ever be banned, and he can just go ahead and do that. | ||
| He doesn't have the power to do that. | ||
| He has the power to suggest it. | ||
| He has the power to give his opinion. | ||
| There's a lot of moving pieces. | ||
| A lot of moving pieces. | ||
| How does he make money? | ||
| How does Twitter make money? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How do you scale that? | ||
| I worry very little. | ||
| I don't think about it. | ||
| I kind of like it. | ||
| I want it to stay around. | ||
| I think it's kind of interesting. | ||
| But I'm 100% convinced that with the implementation of AR, augmented reality, whether it's through Apple or someone's going to have glasses, I think anything we're doing now is literally like the MySpace of the future in terms of technological interaction. | ||
| I think the stuff we're doing right now is all like MySpace. | ||
| It's not going to be here. | ||
| So what do you think we're going to be doing? | ||
| I think we're going to be doing something with AR. We're going to be interacting with each other in some sort of a weird way. | ||
| AR, augmented reality. | ||
| So what does that mean? | ||
| Glasses, like minority report type shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to have glasses where you're going to have things in front of you. | ||
| You can access menus and pull-downs. | ||
| You can make gestures and you can say things. | ||
| It'll Google things in front of your eyes. | ||
| You're going to be able to... | ||
| Here's a real thing. | ||
| Cool. | ||
| This is something that I think was in a movie, but it probably would work. | ||
| That people would have a social score that you would see when you're coming near them. | ||
| That's very scary to me. | ||
| You know how you go on a link and there's a bunch of restaurants and you can put the cursor over it and a little Yelp box pops up and it says it has four stars and 400 reviews and that pops up? | ||
| That could be you. | ||
| It could pop up like The kid, 52 years old, still fucks like a teenager. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And people could walk by and go, hmm, interesting. | ||
| On TRT? He's a bit of a Peter Pan, is he? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You already have that with Uber. | ||
| Uber can see how you're rated by the drivers. | ||
| Oh, that's interesting. | ||
| In a way, it's interesting because it's making us... | ||
| You can't hide behind... | ||
| Assholes are getting exposed. | ||
| It's making us nicer to each other, but it's also a form of... | ||
| It's kind of a prison. | ||
| You've got to always behave. | ||
| Everybody's watching everything you do. | ||
| Now, well, this is the new world, and we have to adjust to this new world, because in the future, there will be no barriers between people and information. | ||
| Those barriers are dissolving in front of our eyes, and people are scrambling to try to accept it, or not accept it, or fight against it, or keep up. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You can't deny what it is. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It is real. | ||
| It's happening. | ||
| And it's going to keep happening. | ||
| It's going to keep getting weirder. | ||
| We didn't see Twitter coming. | ||
| We didn't see the internet coming. | ||
| We didn't see cell phone implementation on a global scale coming. | ||
| Nobody ever thought you were going to carry a phone with you everywhere you go 30 years ago. | ||
| That was never even the concept. | ||
| So you got 30 years, which is a blink of an eye in human history. | ||
| 30 years later, everyone's got a goddamn phone. | ||
| They are literally everywhere. | ||
| 30 years from now, it's probably going to become some next-level shit. | ||
| Well, it'll be part of our body. | ||
| We're not going to carry our phone around. | ||
| But also, I think it's interesting because it'll almost be like if everybody was naked all the time, nudity would be no big deal. | ||
| Unless you have a little tiny dick. | ||
| Until you have a little tiny dick, and that would be... | ||
| And even then, you'd find your... | ||
| Niche. | ||
| Would you really? | ||
| I always say, even if you have a little tiny dick, a lot of lesbians get hot girls. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| There are girls that don't care. | ||
| There are girls that don't want to deal with my nine-inch piece. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Nine? | ||
| I know, and my personality and my money. | ||
| If you're into that, I'm your guy. | ||
| Is it thick like a snake? | ||
| That's what the media says. | ||
| I'm not going to describe my piece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does it attack? | |
| I mean, he's got lungs. | ||
| You can see him breathe. | ||
| And he's got a crook so I can fuck around corners. | ||
| You should get it painted like an anaconda. | ||
| I'd love to, man. | ||
| Imagine if you got your dick tattooed like an anaconda. | ||
| Oh, Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| Does anybody get their dick tattooed? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I know people have, but has anybody had a really good one done? | ||
| What would I do, though? | ||
| The American flag? | ||
| I don't know what I'd fucking... | ||
| Whenever anyone gets their dick tattooed, it's always like... | ||
| Like a fucking dragon or something like that. | ||
| What was that joke? | ||
| The ears are here where my balls are, but the dragon, the tip of the nose is red. | ||
| You want something that says, like, that joke where it's like, when it's soft, it says tiny, and when it's hard, it says Ticonderoga in New York. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| That's like that idea. | ||
| There's, uh, that's the future. | ||
| You know, tattoos on your face, wearing around. | ||
| Back in the day, nobody had, like, fucking Post Malone. | ||
| Post Malone in the 1970s, they'd just lock him in jail. | ||
| There's something wrong with this kid. | ||
| Why are you drawing on your face? | ||
| Still the dumbest, craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Yeah, always tired on his face. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Great musician, though. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Really talented guy, but, like, hey, cut that out. | ||
| But, like, my point is, that didn't exist in the 1960s, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What about dick tattoos? | ||
| Like, what if that becomes a norm? | ||
| What if a girl, like, takes your pants down in the future and is like, you don't even have your dick tattooed up. | ||
| Well, I thought for a while. | ||
| First of all, I'll tell you what has changed. | ||
| I think young men, Manscaped, they shave all the hair off there. | ||
| Is that guy real? | ||
| I typed in face tattoos in the 1960s and just saw it come up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| He's got like birds on his forehead and a Jesus on his forehead. | ||
| Is that real though? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I mean, for sure somebody did it. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| But it's never been as common as it is now, particularly for show business. | ||
| Imagine if Fred Astaire had face tattoos. | ||
| That girl, what's she got on her cheek there, man? | ||
| Harry Styles. | ||
| No, that's not real, though. | ||
| No, she doesn't. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| How do you know? | ||
| It was a viral story a couple months ago. | ||
| Oh, it is fake? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it's a drawing? | ||
| Even though if it's a drawing, who cares? | ||
| It's still crazy. | ||
| She let a guy draw on her face. | ||
| Honey, that's your cheek. | ||
| Don't tolerate that kind of shit in your life. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of people getting face tattoos. | ||
| Well, when the game was posting pictures of his huge dick in underwear, you ever see that? | ||
| We talked about another dude's giant dick in underwear. | ||
| They had to take it out of cats, apparently, in some way. | ||
| His hog? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's that big? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| We'll take a look at this. | ||
| It's not the game. | ||
| We're talking about somebody else. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| The guy in Cats that was on Instagram. | ||
| He had a piece on him? | ||
| A giant piece on him. | ||
| And Instagram took the photo down. | ||
| Because they're like, this is too sensitive. | ||
| Because he's just got a giant hog in his underwear. | ||
| And black underwear, by the way. | ||
| There it is, right there. | ||
| Look at that piece. | ||
| That's a dick. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| Congratulations, first of all. | ||
| That dude was playing with himself before that. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| I'm not hating it. | ||
| Listen, man, put in work. | ||
| Put in work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now... | |
| But the game has a giant dick as well. | ||
| Have you seen the video? | ||
| Have you seen the picture he posted? | ||
| No, I try to avoid pictures of dudes' dicks. | ||
| Well, I think it's important right now. | ||
| I know that's your favorite thing to look at. | ||
| No, that's not... | ||
| That's fake news. | ||
| It's like what you go to all the time. | ||
| It's fake fucking news, dude. | ||
| That's your go-to thing. | ||
| All right. | ||
| That's your opinion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's outrageous. | ||
| She does it a lot. | ||
| I thought men are going to start doing this now. | ||
| Jesus, how many pictures of his hog does he have out there? | ||
| I don't know, but it said something hilarious. | ||
| He goes, Jesus Christ, is that real? | ||
| Yeah, that would be real. | ||
| Well, listen, if I had a dick that big, I'd let everybody know too. | ||
| I mean, he's grabbing his dick. | ||
| Bro, that dick is pretty preposterous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's preposterous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So there you go. | ||
| That's his dick. | ||
| What in the hell? | ||
| That's the hashtags for it and shit, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Like, something about... | ||
| It was really funny, though. | ||
| He said something about Halloween. | ||
| Just be afraid of this dick. | ||
| Don't worry about ghosts. | ||
| Some shit. | ||
| Be afraid of this dick. | ||
| Is that what it says? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I feel like we might have read it. | ||
| Yes, we have. | ||
| Get Dick and Chill. | ||
| Now I remember. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Now I remember. | ||
| Either way, congratulations to him. | ||
| But that one almost doesn't even look real. | ||
| Oh, that would be real. | ||
| But that's like a 15-inch dick. | ||
| He's 6'4", too, yeah. | ||
| Right, but how big is that dick? | ||
| Big enough. | ||
| But that's about 15 inches, right? | ||
| And thick around like a baby's arm. | ||
| Time to break the internet again. | ||
| That's a two-year-old's arm. | ||
| Does he pay your bills? | ||
| Hashtag it ain't trickin'. | ||
| Hashtag real ninja shit. | ||
| Does he take care of your kids? | ||
| Does he lick it from the front to the back? | ||
| Has he slid under that pussy like Mecca, Nick, and tuned it up with his tongue? | ||
| Run her baths until the water is warm as a Miami morning in the spring. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Four women. | ||
| He's high. | ||
| Now handle your business. | ||
| He's high with a giant dick. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| Fucking funny to me. | ||
| I gotta get his phone number and hang out with him. | ||
| Hey, let me buy you a drink, dicks. | ||
| He'll probably show you his dick, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Just to make you feel bad. | ||
| Hey, Brian. | ||
| Before you go. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| I always say that to guys. | ||
| There are dudes. | ||
| The problem with giant dudes who do jiu-jitsu and stuff is they can fuck you. | ||
| Let's beat you up. | ||
| Could Brendan beat me up? | ||
| And then what if they're fucking you with a dick that's tattooed like an anaconda? | ||
| That's what I'm getting at. | ||
| Does anybody have that? | ||
| Let's take a look. | ||
| Surely there's gotta be a guy who's tattooed his dick like an anaconda. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But I'm shocked. | ||
| That I haven't seen this. | ||
| I'm outraged. | ||
| This seems like something that I would have heard a long time... | ||
| If I can think of it in 2019, surely it's been done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| Hundreds and hundreds of times. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's no way, right? | ||
| There's a Vice article about everything you wanted to know about penis tattoos, and it talks about a guy's 14 stripes to make it look like a snake. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| It doesn't have a picture on the article. | ||
| This is how I go to see dicks. | ||
| It's for science. | ||
| Let me see it. | ||
| Let me just see it. | ||
| I don't care really about dicks, but I just want to make sure this is true and you're not lying. | ||
| Yeah, I will bring up this and hit images. | ||
| Okay, there you go. | ||
| Hit it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bam. | |
| Whatever you want to see there. | ||
| Those are just tattoos of dicks. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| Oh, that's the dragon, the far right. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| See that far right dragon? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That I've seen before. | ||
| This is people negotiating the problem of individuality with accoutrement. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or they just like dragons. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| And they wish their dick was a dragon. | ||
| That's possible, too. | ||
| That's a girl, bro. | ||
| You don't even know the difference between a boy and a girl. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| What's that one in the middle? | ||
| What's that one in the middle there? | ||
| On the right-hand side in the middle? | ||
| That right there. | ||
| Bang. | ||
| What's happening there? | ||
| Oh, well, that's an issue, huh? | ||
| Plus, he's got a bolt. | ||
| That's the same guy, man. | ||
| He just got more worked on the thighs. | ||
| Right in the fucking head, huh? | ||
| You just nailed your dick down. | ||
| Yeah, why does he have a bolt through the head of his kick? | ||
| What the fuck is going on? | ||
| What is that guy doing there? | ||
| He's rolling his dick like dough. | ||
| Yeah, he's got his dick in a rolling pin. | ||
| That's how they tattoo it? | ||
| Oh, just stop. | ||
| I'm done. | ||
| Oh, that's how they do it. | ||
| They have to flatten it out with a rolling pin. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| I'll do it for attention. | ||
| What should I get on my dick? | ||
| If you had to get a tattoo on your dick, you have ten seconds. | ||
| Ten. | ||
| Hello, kitty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's very good. | |
| How about girls that go down there and go, what the fuck? | ||
| Imagine, hey, honey, I got a new thing. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Pull your dick out, your wife sees Hello Kitty on your cock. | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| What? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Would you get like a little star under your cheek? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little tiny one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A little tiny star? | |
| I want a teardrop, but I've got to kill somebody in jail first. | ||
| You've got to kill somebody to get a teardrop, though. | ||
| A star, you just have to be cool. | ||
| A little star? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Just like, you know, you think different. | ||
| At 52? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Just to change things up? | ||
| Well, Stallone, I think, got sleeved. | ||
| He got half-sleeved when he was in his 60s. | ||
| Sure did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just decided... | ||
| He's my canary in the coal mine. | ||
| Like, yeah! | ||
| That's my canary in the coal mine! | ||
| You just can't steal him! | ||
| No! | ||
| You can't steal him. | ||
| Yeah, he got full shoulders, chest, all that shit done. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That's impressive. | ||
| Jacked. | ||
| Get a picture of him. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's from that movie. | ||
| That picture, go back. | ||
| Go back to the one you just had. | ||
| Did it do that to you? | ||
| That one. | ||
| That's when he was doing that movie. | ||
| Bulletin Head. | ||
| Yeah, he got super lean, man. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He got down to like, it looks like he's like 170 pounds or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, a disciplined dude. | ||
| Yeah, ridiculously disciplined. | ||
| And 150 years old. | ||
| And still doing action movies. | ||
| Still fucking people up. | ||
| And you're like, oh, I'm buying it. | ||
| I'm buying it. | ||
| And the Expendables, he's throwing people against the walls like, I'm buying it. | ||
| Yup! | ||
| He's got big hands, big bones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a big guy! | |
| He's got Joe Rogan hands. | ||
| You have thick. | ||
| He's Italian! | ||
| Just like me! | ||
| Why is your last name Rogan, though? | ||
| You have just a little Irish. | ||
| Because my grandfather on my father's side is half Irish. | ||
| Well, he was Irish. | ||
| My father's half Irish. | ||
| So my father's mom was a full Italian, and his dad was full Irish. | ||
| So you're a quarter Irish. | ||
| I'm half Irish, half Italian. | ||
| He's getting his back done here! | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at the shape that motherfucker's in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| He's in great shape. | ||
| Plus, he might be holding his stomach in right there for the picture. | ||
| But the guy behind him that's tattooing him has got... | ||
| Does he have some... | ||
| That's Mickey Rourke. | ||
| Oh, that's that movie. | ||
| Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man? | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's an old movie. | ||
| What movie is this from? | ||
| This is some new movie. | ||
| Oh, there's another movie? | ||
| It could be Expendables scene or something. | ||
| Mickey Rourke is an eccentric character. | ||
| I think it is. | ||
| He's the kind of guy that would come over your house with like a full Indian jacket on with like the tassels. | ||
| He's my favorite actor of all time. | ||
| And like he would have buckskin pants on and like legit cowboy boots and you couldn't say nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| And a big turquoise belt buckle and no shirt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No shirt. | ||
| When he was younger, my favorite actor of all time. | ||
| I fucking love him. | ||
| What are those ties called? | ||
| Is this just a string? | ||
| Yeah, the Western ties. | ||
| Yeah, you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| What is that fucking thing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a fake tie. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| That's whatever he wants. | ||
| That's not a tie. | ||
| And carry around two small dogs in his hands. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And maybe a gun. | ||
| Maybe a gun. | ||
| Maybe a bow around his neck. | ||
| Whatever the fuck he wants. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, maybe he walks through your house with a knife in his teeth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're like, what's going on with Mickey? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh. | |
| Just Mickey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Leave him. | |
| That's just Mickey. | ||
| Just leave him alone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just leave him. | |
| That's regular Mickey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The world of actors, my friend. | ||
| They are out there. | ||
| He was abused by his stepdad really badly. | ||
| Oh, was he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A great interview with Alec Baldwin on Baldwin's podcast called Here's the Thing. | ||
| It was very heartbreaking. | ||
| Very heartbreaking. | ||
| He was abused by his... | ||
| His stepfather was a cop and a brutal son of a bitch and really abused those two boys. | ||
| His brother, Mickey's brother, died in his arms. | ||
| A drug addict because of his father. | ||
| He blamed his stepfather. | ||
| Then he saw his father he'd never seen. | ||
| He's so heartbreaking to tell the story. | ||
| He saw his father in New York. | ||
| Father's coming out of a bar. | ||
| His father goes, and Mickey was standing there, and he goes, I'm your son. | ||
| His father goes, I thought I'd run into you one day. | ||
| And then his father died a week later of alcoholism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So you ran into him as a grown man? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| He tells you everything about someone, you know? | ||
| Your heart's broken at a young age. | ||
| Well, almost everyone that's fucked up in this life is fucked up because of something that someone did to them, whether it's a relative or abuse that they suffered or, you know... | ||
| Things throughout their life that have gone horribly wrong, especially for children. | ||
| I mean, that's the most formative time of your life, right? | ||
| When you meet people that were abused as children, everyone universally feels for them. | ||
| You're like, oh no. | ||
| When you have children, especially. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| You realize what a catastrophe and an impossible thing to deal with. | ||
| That's so terrible. | ||
| To me, it's the special evil, you know? | ||
| It is. | ||
| Abusing children. | ||
| I mean, you're ruining not just a moment, but the full potential of a child's life. | ||
| They're never going to escape the fact that that was done to them. | ||
| That someone used them. | ||
| This child psychologist, she was talking to her and I said, give me some advice with my children. | ||
| You know what she said to me? | ||
| She goes, just don't leave. | ||
| Just be in their life. | ||
| That's big. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| That's true, right? | ||
| Because when your dad's not there, your mom's not there, someone's not there, there's this feeling of displacement. | ||
| Everything's wrong. | ||
| The world is... | ||
| And then on top of that, when these kids get abused, it's like, oh my god, you've compounded horror on top of sadness and loneliness. | ||
| Horror on top of it, yeah. | ||
| And it's also, this is the really fucked up thing, is it repeats itself. | ||
| Like, they say that people that are molested when they're children are much more likely to molest children, which is like insane. | ||
| It's like the thing that happened to you, the abuse that happened to you, it's almost like you want to put it on someone else. | ||
| The fact that so many kids grew up in single-parent households in this country is the problem. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| That's a giant problem. | ||
| You can talk about racism. | ||
| You can talk about anybody else. | ||
| You grew up without a father. | ||
| You grew up in a single-parent household. | ||
| That's abuse. | ||
| And men who have children and walk out on those kids, those are the people I have no time for. | ||
| I hate them. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what your excuse is. | ||
| I would make it a law. | ||
| I would make it very uncomfortable for you. | ||
| But that's just one kind of abuse. | ||
| There's also abuse by your actual biological parents. | ||
| There's abuse by other biological relatives. | ||
| There's abuse by stepfathers. | ||
| Yeah, abuse by brothers and sisters. | ||
| There's abuse by neighbors. | ||
| There's abuse, man. | ||
| But it all boils down to the same thing. | ||
| It's like what happens during your developmental period when you're a really young person to becoming an adult. | ||
| And if someone's abusing you and fucking you over... | ||
| That just ruins most people's lives. | ||
| Most people don't bounce back from that. | ||
| And then you get caught up in this spiral of this cycle of crime and violence and prison and abuse and you're done. | ||
| You're done. | ||
| I wonder how long it's going to take before the human race eradicates that. | ||
| Because I think if you look at Pinker's work and some other people studied violence and abuse and all the various things that we... | ||
| Love least about civilization. | ||
| Those markers are going down sort of across the board, whether it's violent crime or rape. | ||
| Those markers are slowly going down. | ||
| Like, how long does it take before there's none of that anymore? | ||
| Part of it's, they say, what crippled the mafia was just the fact there are cameras everywhere. | ||
| You can't just drop bodies all the time because you don't know. | ||
| Everybody's got a fucking ring. | ||
| The cops just go, can we take a look at your ring footage? | ||
| And you've got to make a getaway somewhere. | ||
| You're always on camera. | ||
| You're always on camera. | ||
| And they can do this. | ||
| They can just follow the dots. | ||
| Well, Snowden just posted something that I retweeted it. | ||
| See if you can find that, Jamie. | ||
| About China and the citizens are sort of revolting against this constant surveillance state that's overtaken China. | ||
| And you're saying, over the next 10 years, this is what's going to be America's. | ||
| Absent sweeping reform, this is the whole world in 10 years. | ||
| Remember, both parties in the U.S. defend mass surveillance programs. | ||
| China's advantage here is not technological, but that there's no strong civil opposition to slow the descent into nightmare. | ||
| So China is not able to slow it. | ||
| They're just slowly descending into the surveillance state. | ||
| That's why not trusting your fucking leaders is very important. | ||
| We were lied to in Afghanistan for 18 years by senior US officials. | ||
| The authorities can scan your phone, track your face, and find out when you leave your home. | ||
| One of the world's biggest spying networks is aimed at regular people and no one can stop it. | ||
| And this is in China. | ||
| Yeah, all in the name of security. | ||
| There's never been a regime, a government, that didn't use that as an excuse. | ||
| So the Nazis, Hitler, when he became chancellor, took away all civil liberties because in the name of protecting the fatherland from essentially terrorism because a communist lit the Reichstag on fire. | ||
| Well, what's interesting is how long is it going to take before some version of this makes it over here? | ||
| Because it seems inevitable. | ||
| It's coming, but you have to fight it tooth and fucking nail. | ||
| Americans should always be distrustful of their authority figures. | ||
| I don't give a fuck how much you like Trump or anybody else. | ||
| You should hold your leaders accountable and you should always have a healthy distrust. | ||
| We were lied to for 18 years about how the war was going in Afghanistan. | ||
| We spent over a trillion dollars on that fucking war over the past... | ||
| How long has it been? | ||
| Since 2003? | ||
| Good. | ||
| And we were trying to turn it into a modern nation. | ||
| Senior U.S. officials, whether intelligence, military, and everybody else, they knew this was an unwinnable war. | ||
| I know too many people who spent... | ||
| Ten years over there. | ||
| They all knew it too. | ||
| And somehow that just never made it out. | ||
| And every general kept saying, we're at a turning point in the war where we're going to defeat the Taliban. | ||
| No, you weren't. | ||
| And you know the difference. | ||
| And you knew that at the time. | ||
| And I understand that there's a lot of pressure and everything else, but we spent all that money for fucking what? | ||
| And a lot of Americans got injured and fucking killed for it. | ||
| And we were lied to. | ||
| I know, but this is what's interesting about what you're saying. | ||
| This is the argument for something like this in the first place. | ||
| If you had this, if you had mass surveillance everywhere, people wouldn't be able to plan terrorist attacks. | ||
| Oh, fuck that. | ||
| We always use that as an excuse. | ||
| I know, but that's how they would implement something like that. | ||
| If they could get something like that implemented in Afghanistan and put a giant kibosh on the amount of terrorist activities. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I would say good luck, too. | ||
| Study history to see how that turns out. | ||
| That's why studying history isn't. | ||
| See, the thing is, this kind of tool has never existed. | ||
| Like, you could study history all day long, but it's only going to prepare you sort of peripherally. | ||
| It's not really going to prepare you for what technology can do today. | ||
| There's nothing in history that can really tell you where this goes. | ||
| I agree with you, but politicians use the same exact language they've been using forever, which is we have to protect the public from these insurgents, this danger. | ||
| Here's the solution to that. | ||
| Eventually, there's no more government. | ||
| Here's the solution to that. | ||
| What this is doing, it's making it almost impossible to be a traditional... | ||
| To have a traditional government, right? | ||
| Because if this stuff starts making it into their, then we can find out what they're doing all the time. | ||
| So what if it turns out, well, we'll let you mass surveillance on that, but we want 24-7 access to anyone who is any sort of representative. | ||
| Anyone who's a congressman, anyone who's a senator, anyone who's a president. | ||
| We want 24-7 access to everything you say and do. | ||
| We want to know. | ||
| We want to know who you are. | ||
| No more backs... | ||
| My problem with that is that then you wouldn't have the best people getting in the government. | ||
| You don't have the best people now. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| You're already dealing with that as a politician and stuff. | ||
| I don't know if that's the answer. | ||
| I'm not saying it's the answer, Brian Callen. | ||
| I'm just saying, imagine. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| I'm not saying it's a good idea. | ||
| It's a terrible idea. | ||
| But imagine if this is what the world becomes. | ||
| Everyone has access to everyone's life. | ||
| See, the way I believe it is if you want to learn about somebody as a government agency, you got major firewalls and you need warrants and make it fucking difficult. | ||
| Right, but the reason why a country like the United States goes to war with a country like Afghanistan or ISIS is because you have leaders and groups. | ||
| Once there's no leaders and once there's no groups and everybody can see everything that everybody's doing, then you have no more need for government. | ||
| But all societies are... | ||
| You have management of resources. | ||
| No, but you also have to have... | ||
| Somebody in a society has to have the monopoly on violence. | ||
| You understand what I'm saying? | ||
| Or all the resources get distributed evenly. | ||
| All natural resources. | ||
| You fucking communist. | ||
| All natural resources on earth. | ||
| Are owned by the human beings that inhabit the earth, not the human beings that live on that one particular spot. | ||
| So all the Saudi trillionaires and all those dudes who are making fracking money, that's our money, bitch. | ||
| It's our earth. | ||
| You're stealing the fucking essence of the earth and selling it back to the people? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Karl Marx right here, man. | ||
| No. | ||
| This is the problem, Jamie. | ||
| Imagine if just that, but all the other things you could sell. | ||
| You could sell cars, you could sell this, you could sell that, you could make buildings. | ||
| I'm not stopping capitalism. | ||
| What I'm saying is all natural resources, all of them, belong to the conquerors of the earth, which is us, the human beings. | ||
| You just solved a lot of problems right now. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| So no trillionaire oil barons, no dependence on fossil fuels, because yeah, fossil fuels are great, but if no one in particular is profiting entirely off fossil fuels, because the money has to be distributed evenly to everyone. | ||
| The same with solar. | ||
| Same with anything. | ||
| Anything that's a resource. | ||
| Any natural resources. | ||
| But you need the technology to harness that stuff. | ||
| You can sell that. | ||
| You can sell that. | ||
| But what you can't sell is oil. | ||
| Well, oil sold on the open market. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| Not when I'm president. | ||
| What the fuck, dude? | ||
| Oil's everybody's. | ||
| Are you going to run? | ||
| We're stealing it. | ||
| We'll nuke the world. | ||
| If they don't give us the oil, just listen. | ||
| Let's start fresh with amoebas. | ||
| This is not going well. | ||
| Dude, let me be your vice president. | ||
| You run. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| You run. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then what's our platform? | ||
| What's our slogan? | ||
| How do we fix the tuna in the sea? | ||
| What's our slogan? | ||
| How do we grow more tuna? | ||
| Lead-free tuna, you fucks! | ||
| Yeah, no more... | ||
| No more dinner theater. | ||
| Everybody that works in dinner theater now makes tuna. | ||
| You work in a tuna plant where you make tunas fuck each other so we have more tuna because we're running out of tuna. | ||
| You force a breeding program? | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| And you're going to have to filter the ocean. | ||
| You're a terrible president. | ||
| No, a great president. | ||
| We fucked up the ocean. | ||
| There's all this heavy metals and poison in there. | ||
| We need a filter for the ocean. | ||
| Sort of like the filter that you have at your house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The filter's the tap water. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We need one of those for the ocean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Problem solved. | ||
| It's going to be expensive as shit, dude. | ||
| Not really. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Not when you get rid of music, dinner theater, all musicals. | ||
| Oh, you use the money. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I got you. | ||
| And make those people go to work in a real job. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah, all those people that think that musicals are what people want to see. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| But I like musicals. | ||
| Oh, you son of a bitch! | ||
| Remember that time we got really, really, really, really, really high, and we went to see one of your professors, one of your acting professors sing musicals? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| That was a wonderful night. | ||
| I love that kind of stuff. | ||
| We were so high, I couldn't walk fast. | ||
| No, me neither. | ||
| I knew I knew how to walk, but I wasn't totally sure I could keep doing it. | ||
| I never smoke weed, but when I do with you, it's like I got high one time. | ||
| I was with Patty Jenkins. | ||
| We were in fucking Atlantic City and we'd been swimming and I smoked weed and I was not a weed smoker. | ||
| You swam in the water? | ||
| The ocean of Atlanta City? | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah, at night. | ||
| Dude, you're dangerous. | ||
| Huge waves. | ||
| We lost the car keys and we're looking everywhere, dude. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| And two hours later, I sit down on the curb. | ||
| I'm just tired. | ||
| It's just too much. | ||
| Patty looks at me and she goes, Brian? | ||
| Yeah, she goes, open your hand, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's in your hands. | |
| Of course it was. | ||
| I've had my sunglasses on top of my hat and looked for them for ten minutes before. | ||
| I was looking for my phone the other day. | ||
| I'm with my son, and I'm looking for my phone, and I'm like, where the fuck is my phone? | ||
| Where the fuck is it? | ||
| He's next to me on my phone playing a game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Right next to me. | ||
| Snatch your phone up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those kids love those goddamn phone games. | ||
| No, I'm the one who downloaded the game for them. | ||
| Oh, you forgot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're getting old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was playing a sniper game, and I said, you're not allowed to play that shit at all. | ||
| And then I saw how cool it was, and I ended up playing it. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Do you try to keep him from violent games? | ||
| I do, but it's like telling a tree not to blow in the wind. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Dakota Meyer, who's a decorated veteran. | ||
| Oh, Medal of Honor winner, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| One of the very few to ever win it while alive. | ||
| He thinks that violent video games desensitize people. | ||
| Now, when someone like that, who's open with his struggles with PTSD, he killed a man with a rock. | ||
| Tell me the story about he was in a fist fight with a guy in war with the enemy and picked up a rock and beat his brains in. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| If this guy is telling you that video games can desensitize you, I'm going to listen. | ||
| Yeah, I am too. | ||
| I'm going to listen to him. | ||
| I am too. | ||
| I can believe that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You certainly get very good at these kids who have the guns. | ||
| But it also, for some people that don't have any tendency towards violence, like you or me or Jamie or anybody else that we know that's fine and healthy, they're not going to make you more likely to go shoot people. | ||
| And that's a fact. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It's like, are you saying that you playing Red Dead Redemption is going to make you want to go out and fucking shoot people? | ||
| No, it's not going to. | ||
| It's not going to have any effect on you at all. | ||
| But will it have an effect on minors? | ||
| I think there are a couple things going on. | ||
| One is I think they're addictive. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And I've seen that with my own eyes with my children. | ||
| They're addictive. | ||
| And when you take the game away, they exhibit withdrawal. | ||
| They freak the fuck out. | ||
| Come on, Dad! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One more game! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus, Dad. | |
| They get crazy. | ||
| They stomp the ground. | ||
| Fuck, fuck, fuck. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And then also, I think when you play video games, you can get so addicted that you will isolate. | ||
| And you'll play those games all day. | ||
| Oh, there's a lot of kids doing that. | ||
| Yeah, what's that due to your social interaction? | ||
| What's that due to your body? | ||
| Should you be doing a sport? | ||
| What's that due to you later on? | ||
| Can you get a girl when you've been sitting in front of... | ||
| There are lots of things that we don't know. | ||
| Do they lend... | ||
| Do video games, when you play them on that level, do they retard your social skills? | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of considerations. | ||
| Well, I'm also in favor of you doing anything you want. | ||
| There's some people that would make the same argument about someone who's addicted to reading. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are in their head just reading novels. | ||
| But those arguments were used before video games. | ||
| You just don't hear it anymore because you just hear the more accelerated version. | ||
| What it is is basically an engaging human creation. | ||
| An engaging human creation that's designed to captivate your attention, whether it's a novel or a film or anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Things are designed, that's what art is in a lot of ways. | ||
| You go to an art gallery and you stare at someone's work, it's like some human creation that captivates your attention and gets you locked in. | ||
| And when you see a really beautiful piece, like we were in Italy and we were in Florence and we went to this ancient church and they had these beautiful works of art on the wall. | ||
| You know, just fascinating, fascinating stuff. | ||
| And you try to picture, like, the people that painted this a thousand years ago and what life was like. | ||
| And you're looking at the intricacies of these dresses. | ||
| Like, that's an engaging human creation that captivates your attention. | ||
| We just, we have merit in that kind of engaging, captivated piece of art. | ||
| We have put merit in that. | ||
| But we don't put merit in video games for some reason. | ||
| It's almost like it's too engaging. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| It's too captivating. | ||
| That's an interesting question. | ||
| Why not, you know? | ||
| Because we know it's detrimental. | ||
| We inherently know that you're going to waste giant chunks of your life. | ||
| Unless you're someone who, like, got a trust fund, you never have to work again, you got fucking $10 million in the bank, and you can just chill forever, and you want to play video games all day, I'm like, alright, look, if you, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. | ||
| You don't have to work. | ||
| Yeah, but what is it, something like Picasso's Warenka, or, you know, that painting of when Spain was bombed by the Luftwaffe before World War II, and Bring that up, because it's kind of a haunting painting, but why is that still something that's considered a masterpiece? | ||
| And then, like you said, there's incredible imagery in what we can do with an iPad. | ||
| Well, it's all the same thing in some way. | ||
| It's a human creation. | ||
| But the thing about these digital human creations is they have this alien... | ||
| Like, cold feel to them. | ||
| Like, there's something about digital things, even if they're spectacular, like, there's no emotion in this thing. | ||
| This thing is a creation. | ||
| It's a one and a zero. | ||
| It's computer. | ||
| Whereas, like, if you're just reading novels all day, like, if you're that person that just, I fucked the world, I'm gonna go in my house, I'm gonna shut the door, I'm gonna light a candle, I'm gonna sit there, and I'm gonna read novels all day. | ||
| I have $10 million in the bank that I got for my trust fund. | ||
| I just like reading. | ||
| No one would say you're a loser. | ||
| What does Brian do? | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| He got his trust fund and then said, I want to educate myself. | ||
| I just want to read. | ||
| And he just reads all the great works. | ||
| And he sits at home all day and just reads. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| But that is somehow more intriguing because what you're doing is developing and expanding your understanding. | ||
| And I think when you do that, what that means is you're someone who is worth speaking to. | ||
| You might have some secrets and some understanding that I can use. | ||
| So when you talk to somebody who's really gone down that rabbit hole, like Joseph Campbell, who read all the philosophers and everybody who influenced them, you want to hear what he has to say because he's organized his brain and his thoughts in a way that might shed some light on the things that are confusing to you. | ||
| That are, you know, that are depressing or that are scaring you or whatever. | ||
| And you do need leaders like that, leaders of thought that can put things into perspective, you know, that can kind of tell you why there's a difference between, say, Picasso and this other shitty artist. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, yeah, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But you also need people that know how to play the fuck out of a video game. | ||
| The thing is those people don't get any credit. | ||
| When you see these kids today that are winning these video game tournaments and winning a million dollars and their parents have told them to not play games. | ||
| Meanwhile, the dad works at fucking IHOP. Like, hey, asshole. | ||
| These guys are making real money playing this stupid game that you told them to never play. | ||
| And they're filling like arenas. | ||
| Arenas. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| This is where the world goes. | ||
| The world goes to the most engaging creation that human beings have that locks in other people's attention. | ||
| And the most engaging creations for young people are these goddamn video games. | ||
| They're just group efforts. | ||
| They're giant group corporate efforts. | ||
| Whether it's Grand Theft Auto or the new Doom. | ||
| When's that new Doom coming out? | ||
| But I feel like Doom... | ||
| But I do think there's a difference. | ||
| I do think that when you're really good at a video game, there is an addictive quality to it. | ||
| Yes, you're really good at doing this thing, right? | ||
| But at the end of the day, it's a game. | ||
| And that game is somewhat masturbatory. | ||
| That game, I don't know that when you really get good at Fortnite or Doom, I don't know if that game in any way expands your understanding or your ability to contribute to the larger conversation. | ||
| Okay, but does snooker? | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| Does snooker? | ||
| Is that the strategy game? | ||
| No. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| What is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chess. | |
| What? | ||
| Chess. | ||
| Chess is a good one. | ||
| There's a reason why I said snooker. | ||
| The reason why I said snooker is because you're executing. | ||
| You have to keep it together and you have to physically execute a move. | ||
| It's a giant pool table. | ||
| They play it in England and they play with red balls and blue balls and pink balls and black balls. | ||
| I don't understand the game. | ||
| I've watched it a bunch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there's these people that play it, and it's less popular now. | ||
| One of the big-time guys got busted. | ||
| He got busted doing a fixed game. | ||
| Someone paid him off to lose, and he agreed to do it for a certain amount of money. | ||
| But the thing is that a game like that is well-respected because someone has to execute. | ||
| It's not just thinking. | ||
| You have to actually pull off the shot. | ||
| It's a skill. | ||
| And also, people love to watch it who play snooker. | ||
| Probably not me, but people know the difference, right? | ||
| A video game, you have to execute as well. | ||
| But it doesn't seem like you're doing it because you're not physically... | ||
| You're just moving your hands around and moving a keyboard. | ||
| It doesn't seem like it's as skillful, but it is. | ||
| Yeah, that's a really interesting question. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You're asking a really interesting question, right? | ||
| Because what they are doing is they're providing entertainment for people, just like a great pool player, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So when you watch pool, you're doing it for stakes, you're doing it for money, but you're also watching these people who have mastered this insane geometry. | ||
| Well, we respect some versions of that. | ||
| Like golf. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We respect golf. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because we play it. | ||
| And also the money that's available. | ||
| That's why we don't respect bowling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If someone's a good bowler, you're like, congrats. | ||
| You pat him on the head. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Nobody cares. | ||
| But if you're fucking one of the best... | ||
| Golf players of all time. | ||
| That golfer is going to make millions and millions of dollars a year. | ||
| That guy is a baller. | ||
| He's a golfer, and he's at the top of the food chain when it comes to... | ||
| Any of those skills require you to master yourself in many ways. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But the thing is that the video games... | ||
| It seems like it's happening in a digital realm. | ||
| And because of that, it's not taken as seriously. | ||
| Even if you found out they made more money. | ||
| Like, when you find out someone's a successful video game player, there's a certain part of you that's like, oh, why are you wasting your time with that? | ||
| Even if you go, he makes five million dollars a year, you're like, oh, well, huh. | ||
| Good for him. | ||
| Seems weird. | ||
| It's still not good. | ||
| You know what it is for us who are older? | ||
| It's subversive. | ||
| For guys at our age, it's subversive. | ||
| We don't trust it. | ||
| We don't like it. | ||
| We don't understand it. | ||
| And it scares us a little bit. | ||
| Because it also reminds us of our own immortality. | ||
| We're also brainwashed at thinking that video games are for losers. | ||
| All of that. | ||
| So we have a stereotypical idea of what a video game player is. | ||
| All that stuff. | ||
| So for older people, I feel left out. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| And I feel like they're being bad and they should listen to me. | ||
| Whereas chess is noble. | ||
| Well, chess is... | ||
| Someone playing chess, that's noble. | ||
| Yeah, you find out someone who's really good at chess, you're like, fuck, that guy's impressive. | ||
| They can think deeply and strategically. | ||
| If a girl could beat your ass at chess. | ||
| I dated a girl once, she was really good at chess. | ||
| It was humiliating. | ||
| Shut me down. | ||
| Well, jujitsu is a form of kinetic chess, probably. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| You can make that argument. | ||
| Yeah, but force and there's mass. | ||
| There's all that, but there's also leverage. | ||
| There's also understanding when to use your energy, when not to, when to be relaxed, when to be strong. | ||
| It's more complicated even than chess. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's more complicated. | ||
| I'm not good at either one, but, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But there is an understanding of the moves, and then when someone's countering, and the understanding of the counter, and then the counter to the counter... | ||
| And this constant thing. | ||
| Hicks and Gracie, one of the things he always used to say about people is they can't keep the rhythm. | ||
| He'd be like, he would put a rhythm on people. | ||
| Attack and you counter. | ||
| But I know what your counter is, so I'm preparing for your counter. | ||
| He's been there before. | ||
| And he does it so often that he keeps this rhythm up until you don't know. | ||
| You can't just explode all the time. | ||
| You don't know the moves. | ||
| It was that boxer who was fighting Duran. | ||
| You hear him in the corner. | ||
| I can't remember what the fight was. | ||
| He goes, he's reading my mind. | ||
| He's reading my fucking mind. | ||
| Well, Duran knew the pattern so well that he was like, I know what he's doing here. | ||
| I know what he's going to do. | ||
| So he would cut him off and he'd be like, the guy's fucking catching me every time I try to work on our game plan. | ||
| That's what boxing is, right? | ||
| Boxing is like understanding the patterns of someone throwing a left or a right, moving their head side to side, moving forward, moving back, moving side to side. | ||
| You get these patterns. | ||
| These are the only things you can do. | ||
| You can only move back and forth, side to side. | ||
| Or you can move left to right. | ||
| Or you can throw with your left hand. | ||
| Or you can throw with your right hand. | ||
| All the variables with different kinds of punches you can throw. | ||
| But you get a guy like Terrence Crawford in front of you. | ||
| He's seen all those. | ||
| And so he starts setting you up to see, like, what are you doing? | ||
| Like, where are you doing it? | ||
| Where am I going to... | ||
| There's a beautiful combination that he used to knock out that cat the other night. | ||
| He fought some very rugged dude. | ||
| Who's the guy Crawford fought this weekend? | ||
| I want to see him fight. | ||
| I only saw the highlights of it because it was... | ||
| I guess it was on ESPN... Here it is. | ||
| I want to see him fight Earl Spence so badly. | ||
| Oh yeah, it would be phenomenal. | ||
| That's the fight. | ||
| But the end of the fight, man, he just did some beautiful, creative shit. | ||
| He's amazing, man. | ||
| He really is amazing. | ||
| Oh, took some shots. | ||
| Oh dude, for real, the guy's very good, man. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He dropped him there. | ||
| Now watch the final combination. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Watch this step back. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Step back. | ||
| Bang. | ||
| How beautiful is that? | ||
| That step back and then that uppercut. | ||
| That's like recognizing patterns. | ||
| Then he stepped in and hooked him in the head and dropped him. | ||
| He changes shit up, too, all the time. | ||
| He's brilliant. | ||
| God. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| There's guys that hit this level, right? | ||
| When you watch boxing or any combat sport, really. | ||
| There's this guy that hit this level and you're like, oh, they're in that fucking super champion zone. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that's where Crawford is. | ||
| That's why he needs to fight Earl Spence. | ||
| Yes, that's where Lomachenko is. | ||
| How is Earl Spence alive and not injured? | ||
| I don't know, because he's Superman. | ||
| That video of him flipping that Ferrari and watching it fly over him and he doesn't get crushed? | ||
| No. | ||
| What are the odds that he makes it out of there without a scratch? | ||
| And thank God, because that aficionado, that work of art needs to be preserved. | ||
| You sound gay as fuck right there. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| A little gay for you. | ||
| I'm all about people that are gay as fuck. | ||
| A little gay, man. | ||
| But you did sound... | ||
| Yeah, he's a beast, man. | ||
| The way he shut down Mikey Garcia, I was like, woo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| He's fucking for real. | ||
| Hey, I'll tell you what. | ||
| Sean Porter gave him the what for. | ||
| Sean Porter was... | ||
| That's when you realize Sean Porter was a seven-time world champion. | ||
| I love the way you talk. | ||
| Gave him the what for. | ||
| Gave him the what for. | ||
| I love that flavor that you put. | ||
| That's what I say sometimes. | ||
| I say things like this. | ||
| I go, I'm going to keep him busy. | ||
| I'll give him the what for. | ||
| Give him the what for. | ||
| Ask me what would happen if Jamie came at me right now. | ||
| You sound like an actor. | ||
| God, ask me. | ||
| What would happen if Jamie came at you? | ||
| Meet him halfway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| That's scary. | ||
| Ask me what happened to Jamie. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| And Jamie's a big athletic guy. | ||
| What happened if Joe came at you? | ||
| Come back with what I got. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| See that? | ||
| Now watch this. | ||
| Jamie broke his butt bone out here on one of them scooters. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was trying to figure out what his injury was forever until Zach Bitter explained how he broke his butt bone. | ||
| And Jamie's like, that's the exact same problem I've been having. | ||
| And it happened from him on the hoverboard thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoop! | |
| Oh no. | ||
| Fell on the concrete. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ow. | |
| Right out here. | ||
| Broke his butt. | ||
| Yeah, well, maybe, for sure. | ||
| Undiagnosed, broken butt. | ||
| Most likely. | ||
| You broke your butt. | ||
| It's exactly the same spot, and it's where he landed. | ||
| He landed on his butt. | ||
| Hey, Jamie. | ||
| Jamie. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Ask me if I ever killed a man. | ||
| Did you ever kill a man? | ||
| Never stopped to look, brother. | ||
| Are you in the new Mickey Rourke movie? | ||
| Dude, man, how about me as a fucking action hero? | ||
| What's my name? | ||
| Anaconda. | ||
| Blade? | ||
| No, Anaconda. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Anaconda's good. | ||
| You're like a bag of ropes. | ||
| No, fuck, it's Anna. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Anna. | |
| Anna. | ||
| Anna's a girl. | ||
| No, because they go, his name is Anna? | ||
| And they go, Conda, you ever roll with him? | ||
| Oh, it's like a boy named Sue? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like people start fights with you? | ||
| One of my favorite songs. | ||
| It's a great song, man. | ||
| The biggest thing that he ever did was he went ahead and named me Sue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a great fucking movie. | ||
| One of the greatest songs. | ||
| That's my favorite Johnny Cash song. | ||
| Johnny Cash. | ||
| When my daddy left home when I was three, he didn't leave much for Ma and me. | ||
| Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Brian Count, it's almost 4 p.m. | ||
| We've done three hours of talking shit. | ||
| Time goes by, bro. | ||
| It does. | ||
| We gotta do this more often. | ||
| We always say this, but we did it. | ||
| Come see me at the Wolverine. | ||
| We made it happen. | ||
| New Year's Eve. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wave it. | |
| Wave it. | ||
| You're at the Wilbur Theater in Boston on New Year's Eve? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| For do stand-up comedy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| Don't you have a new hour? | ||
| I got a whole new hour. | ||
| You have a whole new hour that'll be at the Wilbur Theater in New Year's Eve. | ||
| And if you're in Arizona tomorrow, I'm in... | ||
| The Celebrity Theater? | ||
| I'm in Arizona tomorrow at the Celebrity Theater. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tomorrow? | ||
| Tomorrow. | ||
| With Frank Caliendo and Adam Ray. | ||
| So tomorrow you're at the Celebrity Theater in Phoenix, Arizona. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what day is that? | ||
| That's tomorrow on Saturday. | ||
| Saturday. | ||
| What day is this coming out? | ||
| Is it coming out today? | ||
| It'll be the 21st. | ||
| The 21st. | ||
| The 21st of December. | ||
| The 31st. | ||
| I'm at Wilbur at the fucking... | ||
| Ten days later? | ||
| Get your fucking tickets! | ||
| Ten days later. | ||
| New Year's Eve 31st? | ||
| Is that what New Year's Eve is? | ||
| It's cold as fuck on New Year's Eve in Boston. | ||
| I panicked. | ||
| It was so cold my face hurt. | ||
| I had to run into a store. | ||
| It's It gets cold. | ||
| I tried to walk a half mile to coffee. | ||
| All right. | ||
| God bless you. | ||
| God bless you. | ||
| Brian Callen, ladies and gentlemen, this Saturday night. | ||
| Friday night or Saturday? | ||
| Saturday night. | ||
| Saturday night celebrity. | ||
| Tonight is Friday. | ||
| You're not going there tonight. | ||
| No, tomorrow night. | ||
| I'll be like, you're a gangster. | ||
| It's four o'clock. | ||
| Saturday night celebrity theater. | ||
| Saturday night celebrity theater. |
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