Aug. 19, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:49:32
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| I rarely watch the event live. | ||
| Hello, skanks. | ||
| What's up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hello. | |
| We're live. | ||
| This is sort of. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| We're recorded. | ||
| Good to see you, boys. | ||
| What's up, Dougie? | ||
| Things got strange. | ||
| As soon as they said we're live, everybody's like, oh. | ||
| Oh, man, we weren't having a great conversation. | ||
| People are listening? | ||
| We're a little too high right now. | ||
| People are listening to what? | ||
| Goddamn Mike Tyson weed. | ||
| We really were just having the most natural conversation. | ||
| Everyone was going back and forth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| Ah! | ||
| Mike Tyson, we were talking when you went to the bathroom, Mike Tyson says he smokes $40,000 a week. | ||
| He also sells weed, so he just charges himself a lot of money. | ||
| He gets high on his own supply. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's no way you can smoke $40,000 worth of weed. | |
| Maybe his whole crew. | ||
| To say it's about himself, there's no way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A month? | |
| How much is $40,000? | ||
| I want to see what it looks like in a room. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not buying that. | ||
| It would be a pile that you could fall into and take a nap. | ||
| You could definitely take a beanbag chair. | ||
| You could fly through the air and get your back with confidence. | ||
| So how much is... | ||
| I mean, you're getting it in bulk, so it's going to be probably like $100 an ounce. | ||
| It's getting even worse. | ||
| Even less than that. | ||
| If you're going to spend $40,000, they'll give you more than $40,000 worth. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just to be like, here, man, I don't know. | ||
| Look at what it says here. | ||
| We smoke 10 tons of weed at the ranch a month. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| This is Britain said. | ||
| Eben? | ||
| Is that how you say his name? | ||
| Eben? | ||
| Eben? | ||
| Eben Britain? | ||
| So 10 tons of weed is $40,000. | ||
| That doesn't seem right, does it? | ||
| None of that seems right. | ||
| That's 20,000 pounds of weed. | ||
| That's impossible. | ||
| He obviously could have easily been joking and laughing while he said this, too. | ||
| We're reading it in print, but he's like, pfft, dude, we smoke 10 tons a month. | ||
| Yeah, this is on the podcast. | ||
| It might be weed talk, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Yeah, this sounds like something I would say. | ||
| More than you could ever possibly imagine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep burning, we burn it all the time, we don't even breathe in air. | |
| I'm gonna throw out a wild number, 40 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
40 tons. | |
| And they go, no, $40,000? | ||
| Someone should, some journalist should do, just make an image of this is what $40,000 worth of weed looks like. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to be more than even Mike Tyson and his crew can smoke. | ||
| Wouldn't it fill this whole room? | ||
| I think it would. | ||
| Yeah, one of those shipping crates. | ||
| Somebody already did it. | ||
| There's a graph. | ||
| Is it even possible to smoke $40,000 of weed a month? | ||
| 900 eighths? | ||
| That's actually not that much. | ||
| With a crew, 900? | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| If you do... | ||
| Two grand blunts. | ||
| That's two blunts per eighth, essentially. | ||
| A little bit less. | ||
| This guy's got it broken down. | ||
| Yeah, but this guy really could just tell you how much it is in bulk. | ||
| He's giving you 900 eighths. | ||
| Seems a little bit lazy to even write. | ||
| 1,800 blunts between Mike Tyson's crew is not actually that much for a month. | ||
| It's not that much. | ||
| Now when I'm looking at how this guy's saying it, he's saying it's basically four blunts per hour. | ||
| That's totally possible if you've got a large number of people with you. | ||
| I will never question Mike Tyson again. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| That's still not ten tons. | ||
| I think we're being silly. | ||
| I think they were joking around. | ||
| I bet a lot of it they give away, too. | ||
| You know, they might go through a personal stash of that much weed. | ||
| I didn't know he has a ranch. | ||
| Mike Tyson's in the weed game, son. | ||
| All in. | ||
| Dude, he was one of the most fascinating guys to interview. | ||
| Because I couldn't believe I was really talking to him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I can't believe that's really Mike Tyson. | ||
| Like, there's some people, like, you talk to him, like, that's really Mike Tyson? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| What he's been through in his life, yeah, you're like, and now he's here somehow? | ||
| Knowing him as a kid when he was the fucking man. | ||
| And you'd see him on the cover of these magazines, like Kid Dynamite when he was 19 years old on Sports Illustrated, and just smashing everyone in front of him. | ||
| And then all of a sudden he's hanging with you. | ||
| Yeah, it's very strange. | ||
| And it's also just a fall from grace and then a resurgence. | ||
| It's still a weird resurgence, too. | ||
| Nobody ever saw him becoming a cartoon character and a fucking Broadway actor and a one-man show and now a weed rancher. | ||
| That's bananas. | ||
| Who saw that? | ||
| Nobody said that was going to be Mike Tyson's trajectory. | ||
| I just hope he doesn't get me too'd. | ||
| The trajectory of when I found out who he was when I was a kid and started getting... | ||
| Very shortly after you saw what a monster he was was that Robin Givens interview where he just sat there like a doofus. | ||
| She was like, yeah, he beats up me and rapes my mom. | ||
| And he's like... | ||
| I can't tell me stewing and just going like, when these cameras go off, oh boy... | ||
| You better hope this interview goes on for four days. | ||
| Wasn't there some talk about them medicating him? | ||
| Wasn't that part of what was happening? | ||
| Like they were trying to sedate him? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I just remember him talking about it in that documentary. | ||
| In the documentary, and he said he couldn't believe she was saying it, so he was just silent. | ||
| But if you watch it, it seems like he's furious. | ||
| And just trying to not say something angry. | ||
| Of course, the key to Mike Tyson is that he always seemed like he was furious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he even talked about it once. | ||
| He goes, I'm just mad. | ||
| I'm mad at my dog. | ||
| I'm mad at everything. | ||
| And that's when he was at the top of the heat, man. | ||
| But now he's like this peaceful, friendly guy. | ||
| He had to overcompensate for all that. | ||
| That's why he needs $40,000. | ||
| It was all therapy, right? | ||
| He has to have like 20 therapists. | ||
| He beat up the first seven of them. | ||
| I mean, to be a great fighter, you have to be able to look at yourself. | ||
| You have to be able to look at your skills. | ||
| It doesn't mean you still can't make horrific mistakes, but you have to be able to look at yourself. | ||
| It's the only way you get any better. | ||
| The best fighters have an understanding, even if they have ego problems, they still have a pretty good understanding of who they are. | ||
| And that can benefit you if you use it. | ||
| I'm sure he probably went through therapy, but he didn't necessarily... | ||
| He could probably have figured it out on his own just because he's a smart guy. | ||
| He's a smart guy that grew up in a horrible, horrible way, where the first love he had was an old boxing trainer that turned him into a murderer. | ||
| That was the first love that guy experienced. | ||
| His life was horrible, man. | ||
| And from him being adopted by Custom Auto when he was a little kid, and having extreme physical gifts as well, it was this perfect storm. | ||
| Dude, they said when he was 13, he weighed 190 pounds. | ||
| Teddy Atlas used to bring him to boxing, these smoker events, and they were like, yeah, he's fucking 13. And they put him in with a 16-year-old, because nobody wanted to believe that a 13-year-old could be jacked like that. | ||
| Well, when Jay was 13 years old, he weighed like 220. I think it's a different kind of weight. | ||
| Was it a different build? | ||
| I was knocking motherfuckers out. | ||
| He was built like a goddamn tank. | ||
| Yeah, that's not a 13-year-old you want to fight. | ||
| Also, fun fact, he is the reason, Mike Tyson solely is the reason why now if you're on TV for even five minutes, they start scurrying about your tattoos being covered, or can you get a release for them all? | ||
| Because when he came on a... | ||
| Was it the Hangover movie? | ||
| The company that did, or the tattoo artist that did his face tattoo sued for like, I think won for like millions of dollars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's so crazy. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| For doing the movie? | ||
| Because they used that person's artwork without them. | ||
| Once you put a tattoo on somebody, you claim part ownership of that person now? | ||
| It makes tattoos so much gayer. | ||
| It does. | ||
| I'm going to walk around with some fucking dudes. | ||
| Oh yeah, this is when I married a lesbian in Alaska. | ||
| This is when I became, I guess, partners in life with a guy in Montreal who spoke French. | ||
| Jay, how many tattoos do we have in common? | ||
| We have the same... | ||
| You guys have a bunch of tattoos in common? | ||
| One, two, three. | ||
| Yeah, we have the Dave Smith. | ||
| What do you guys have? | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| What's happening here? | ||
| There's a lot of people that can't hear this. | ||
| What are these things? | ||
| This is Half Hearts and it says Dave and Smith. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So you are on their arm. | ||
| Did that make you uncomfortable? | ||
| I did not consent. | ||
| He's too much of a pussy to get a tattoo so we did it for him. | ||
| That's actually cute. | ||
| That's adorable. | ||
| That's real love, man. | ||
| You guys have to stay friends for life now. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I was going to be out the door when they got this tattoo. | ||
| You know, girls want to get married, guys do that. | ||
| Alright, bro, I'm your bro. | ||
| I'm fucking tattooing your name on my leg, bro. | ||
| You gotta do mine. | ||
| Tattoo toys on your fucking leg, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, you can have as many guys tattooed on your leg as you want. | |
| I don't care. | ||
| I'm not jealous. | ||
| But I want my fucking name on your leg, bro. | ||
| There was a Worldstar video yesterday of a guy catching a girl cheating in a hotel. | ||
| And the other guy's, like, naked in the hallway, and she's, like, in her underwear, and the guy's just screaming at her. | ||
| There's a guy there, and she just fucking keeps going, and he's like, I got my fucking, your name tatted on me! | ||
| And she's doing all that, I'm sorry, calm down, I'm sorry. | ||
| And when she just decides that she doesn't give a shit anymore, she goes, well, no one told you to get my name tatted on you. | ||
| Now you look like a fucking asshole with my name tatted on you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you ever done anything for a girl, like a tattoo? | |
| Yeah, so I have three Chinese characters here. | ||
| This is back when I was young enough, when a tattoo shop was able to convince you, which I think they still do to people, that Chinese characters can say or spell anything, which is just not true. | ||
| It's supposed to be letters, so I believed Chinese characters was CMS. They're still there. | ||
| They're just blended into something else, but it was Sherilyn Marie Sleeter was the name of my girlfriend. | ||
| That's a terrible name. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sheryl Sleeter? | ||
| She sounds like she's got shit teeth. | ||
| Infamous. | ||
| No, good teeth. | ||
| Sheryl Sleeter sounds like she's got fucking teeth pointing in every which direction. | ||
| Hot chick, actually, but just, I mean, coming from like a real pack of dummies. | ||
| Like, real stupid. | ||
| And so stupid, in fact, was she that I got those tattooed on me. | ||
| Thank God, in Chinese characters, CMS. Her mom didn't like me, and I came, and I couldn't wait to tell her mom that I got this tattoo. | ||
| I go, look what I got for your daughter. | ||
| And she's like, what is that? | ||
| I go, CMS. And she goes, what's that? | ||
| I go, your daughter's initials. | ||
| Sherilyn Marie Sleater. | ||
| And she goes, her mom, she was so happy to go, that's not your name? | ||
| My girlfriend was so dumb, she didn't know her name. | ||
| She just made up the Marie part. | ||
| Her name is Sherilyn Sleater. | ||
| And it was that, so I got a wrong tattoo of a girlfriend. | ||
| That's perfect. | ||
| She was with me while I got it and didn't know her own middle name. | ||
| Sat there confidently, like, make sure you get the M good. | ||
| That tattoo is wild, large patches of America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is that tattoo. | ||
| That tattoo like that, that's that fucked up, embodies so many lives. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| So many people have made horrendous choices. | ||
| Yeah, I had my first tattoo. | ||
| It just said, Lou Dog. | ||
| I gotta cover it up. | ||
| But Ludog. | ||
| L-U-D-O-G-G. Nobody has ever called me Ludog. | ||
| Except for afterwards, sarcastically, to make fun of me. | ||
| They're like, alright, Ludog. | ||
| But you were so psyched to go tell your friends, hey guys, you're calling me Ludog, man. | ||
| Well, it was weird because I only had $70. | ||
| And I was like, alright, dude, I have $70. | ||
| I'm 18. I just turned 18. I was like, I'm getting a fucking tattoo. | ||
| And I was like, alright, I'm getting Ludog no matter what. | ||
| But I gotta get a little design underneath it. | ||
| And then underneath it it was it was tribal like me almost it almost look like like antlers like tribal antlers but it was because I was poor something you would like scribble on a binder while you're boarding class Dude, it was a tramp stamp. | ||
| It was a tiny tramp stamp underneath Lou Dog for no reason. | ||
| Were you underage? | ||
| No, I was 18. I was underage. | ||
| That's why mine is the word J in Old English, and it is so high up here just so my mom wouldn't see it. | ||
| Saw it immediately. | ||
| Saw it immediately. | ||
| You have to hide it under your t-shirt. | ||
| We were both fat kids, and I had a big fat arm, so there's a little tiny shit tattoo on my big fat arm, and your J is so tiny. | ||
| It's so tiny. | ||
| Is it still there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh man, it's bad. | ||
| It's bad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's that, yeah. | ||
| And then more Chinese stuff here. | ||
| And then a Pam Anderson barbed wire around my arm. | ||
| But I've just accepted that all my tattoos have some shitty dumb story. | ||
| In high school, my friend Jimmy was the first one to get tattooed. | ||
| And he got this really shitty, like, tiger on his arm with his name, in case he forgets his name. | ||
| You know, I think we were, like, 18 at the time. | ||
| Maybe 17. And he came home, and he had, like, a little Band-Aid peeking out underneath his shirt. | ||
| And his mom started screaming at him. | ||
| And I hope I'm not fucking this story up. | ||
| I hope I'm not. | ||
| But... | ||
| Like, I remember thinking that, like, wow, he was the first. | ||
| Like, everyone's got to get a tattoo eventually. | ||
| Like, the idea that someone's going to draw on you permanent. | ||
| Like, ooh, forever? | ||
| You've got to keep, like, it's a ball's move. | ||
| It's funny it never really hit me, like, that hard. | ||
| I know, and it's true, and by the way, I wish... | ||
| Talk about having a time machine. | ||
| If you can go back and just tell your teenage self, just wait until even your late 20s. | ||
| You're going to have a lot of good years with awesome tattoos, or you're going to make this decision now and have the rest of your life with some pretty shitty ones. | ||
| You have no money when you're 18. There's no money for good tattoos. | ||
| I have $20 tattoos on me, for sure. | ||
| I was offended by the drawing because I'm an artist. | ||
| And I was looking at it and I was like, this is so bad. | ||
| The guy just traced it. | ||
| I mean, the guy was not an artist at all, whoever did the tattoo. | ||
| He was fucking just a guy who got a job doing tattoos. | ||
| Who learned how to use the gun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| That's it. | ||
| He just traced it. | ||
| On my leg, I have a dragon, like another tribal dragon when I was 19 in Florida, in Miami. | ||
| We went on a boardwalk tattoo shop with Chinese people in the front. | ||
| Don't ever get a tattoo. | ||
| Unless you're in China and they're using the old tappy technique where they fucking do that. | ||
| Don't go to a shit bodega tattoo shop because that's what I got. | ||
| It's all blended together now. | ||
| And the guys had no idea. | ||
| It's painful as shit. | ||
| They don't know what they're doing. | ||
| The other problem with it is it's really painful. | ||
| They go too deep. | ||
| They pull it out. | ||
| Well, that's another thing about henna. | ||
| Ladies or guys who are into henna tattoos, if you get those henna tattoos like in Thailand or something like that, sometimes it's not really henna. | ||
| It's hair dye. | ||
| And the hair dye can be poisonous to your skin. | ||
| It's not good stuff. | ||
| You didn't even die getting a real tattoo. | ||
| Well, I don't know if you could die, but I think it fucks you up. | ||
| Getting painted on with hair dye? | ||
| I think there was a warning about this that I read. | ||
| They're saying don't get henna from places that aren't using real henna because they use cheap hair dye. | ||
| They could have just stopped at don't get henna. | ||
| Yeah, you could have said that. | ||
| That's a weird one, right? | ||
| It's like, I want a tattoo, but not really. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks like a spray-on tan's wearing off. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It just looks disgusting. | ||
| PPD is in it. | ||
| Black can often contain PPD at high levels. | ||
| And when it applied to skin, it can cause chemical burns and allergic reactions. | ||
| And I don't know what PPD is. | ||
| I'm trying to find that. | ||
| Chemical burns? | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be careful out there, kids. | ||
| Don't be pouring chemicals on you. | ||
| Joe Rogan says, steer clear of Hannah. | ||
| Drill holes in your skin and pump some ink in there. | ||
| There had to be some errors made when they were coming up with the first tattoos. | ||
| People's arms were fucking falling off their body. | ||
| I'm pretty sure the first tattoos were like an Africa carving shit into your arm or something. | ||
| Yeah, like a scarring thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When someone's a great tattoo artist, I'm always blown. | ||
| It's the most sloppy, uncomfortable. | ||
| The fact that I couldn't do anything near that with a pencil and art supplies and a set flat surface, to have to do that is great. | ||
| When someone's amazing at it, it makes no sense. | ||
| No, it doesn't. | ||
| Also, they're still just scribbling, basically, it looks like, and then they swipe it away. | ||
| It looks like they're mad at you. | ||
| I found the craziest fucking page. | ||
| Jamie, I'm going to send it to you. | ||
| This is a lady, and she does paint on people's face that makes it look like they have extra eyeballs. | ||
| And the paint is so accurate, you're looking at a video of it, and you're like, what the fuck am I looking at? | ||
| I have to say. | ||
| Oh, is it the Asian chick? | ||
| Because she makes herself into different... | ||
| That chick is fucking talented, what she does with makeup. | ||
| And she got in trouble because she did blackface, but she does everything. | ||
| She didn't do blackface. | ||
| She made herself into an African Nubian princess that was the most amazing thing in the world. | ||
| Is this her? | ||
| But it still has the outline. | ||
| She's chucking and jiving. | ||
| You got it? | ||
| Mimi Choi? | ||
| I'm a newbie and princess. | ||
| Where are you talking? | ||
| Her name is Mimi Choi. | ||
| This is the shit she does. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Dude, that's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Your head, she's got eyeballs drawn all over her face. | ||
| This is Joe Rogan's perfect woman. | ||
| Well, that's like a tool video. | ||
| Yeah, it does! | ||
| Dude, she's a fractal. | ||
| That is something you would see if you were on some serious drugs. | ||
| And this is the kind of shit you gotta pretend to enjoy if you wanna fuck a hot Asian chick. | ||
| I'm super into New Dance. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| Oh, this is a different chick than I was thinking of, but I guess it's a category. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| If you scroll down and look at some of the eyeball ones, where the extra eyeballs are below her face... | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ, that's trippy. | ||
| Dude, it's a fucking freakout. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| It's a fucking freakout. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's wild. | ||
| It's that same sort of level of tattoo art that the really high-level tattoo guy... | ||
| Have you seen that guy Steve Butcher? | ||
| I've showed you that guy before, right? | ||
| If that guy walked into a room, I would think that it's a monster and I would kill it. | ||
| Yeah, you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| Someone drugged you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like, oh my god, Satan is real. | ||
| I've been running around arrogant thinking that Satan's not real. | ||
| Yeah, this is Steve Butcher. | ||
| Steve Butcher does insane shit, man. | ||
| He did one of me. | ||
| Somebody got me tattooed on their leg, and it's fucking incredible. | ||
| How do you feel about that, Joe? | ||
| So weird. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't say it to the guy when he sends you the fucking... | |
| Stop. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
| A guy got Legion of Skanks tattooed on his face, and you look at it and you go, that's awesome that you want to do that, but man, maybe you shouldn't have. | ||
| He had a bunch of other face tattoos, though. | ||
| It wasn't the first one. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Look at that Kobe Bryant. | ||
| Scroll up a bit. | ||
| Look at that Kobe Bryant. | ||
| He's got the t-shirt in his mouth. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here, man. | ||
| That might as well be a photograph. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Like, look at the resolution. | ||
| Look at the sweat. | ||
| If you said to me, what's the one thing you can't draw, I'd say black people sweat. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And this guy pulled it off somehow. | ||
| If I was throwing that, it would just have white drips down his family and you got like bukkake'd. | ||
| Make that bigger, Jamie? | ||
| That guy did that with needles, man. | ||
| I mean, that's insane how good that is. | ||
| Yeah, somehow it doesn't seem nearly as weird to get athletes tattooed on you as it does comedians. | ||
| No, it does. | ||
| I'm sure Kobe's running around going, damn, dude. | ||
| It's a little different, though, because people grow up on like... | ||
| I mean, that's not true, dude, because the connection that people feel with comics and podcasts, it's pretty... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| You know, it's like, we don't want the responsibility. | ||
| We want to do it, but we don't want the responsibility. | ||
| I don't want the responsibility of being your shin. | ||
| I 100% want my fucking face tattooed on people. | ||
| So anybody out there, I'll give you a free Legion of Skanks t-shirt. | ||
| As long as it says, there's the dude. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's a good tattoo. | ||
| As long as it says, Lou Dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| That is as accurate as a photograph. | ||
| That's my fucking face. | ||
| That's my face. | ||
| That's fucking intense, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's amazing. | |
| Yeah, I don't remember what that's from. | ||
| I was probably making a point. | ||
| Whatever it was, you were right. | ||
| That's the problem with me, man. | ||
| If you get any one clip of me or my face, you can make decisions. | ||
| That's an incredible tattoo. | ||
| That's the first time Joe saw Ari's butthole. | ||
| That was my face. | ||
| There's no way I can remember that far back. | ||
| I think Ari's... | ||
| He's said so many times. | ||
| I think he's in the process of getting his butthole fixed. | ||
| Is he going to get surgery? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Is it the surgery? | ||
| He's been bleeding since I've known him. | ||
| It's bizarre that he just lives life like that. | ||
| That's a problem that would shut me off from going out to the world. | ||
| What causes those things? | ||
| Hemorrhoids. | ||
| What causes hemorrhoids? | ||
| I got hemorrhoids working out because I wasn't breathing when I was lifting weights. | ||
| And I was just... | ||
| Just clenching. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just clenching my butthole, and it just popped out a little fucking... | |
| It was like squeezing a balloon animal? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You made blisters inside your butthole from squeezing it together. | ||
| And it sucked for a while. | ||
| Well, this is actually how we got introduced to Ari's butthole, was I was complaining about me having hemorrhoids. | ||
| And on Legion of Skanks, we opened up my butthole to show them. | ||
| I showed all the guys. | ||
| Lewis did it. | ||
| We didn't all open up. | ||
| And Ari said, that's not a hemorrhoid. | ||
| And we were like, what? | ||
| That's a hemorrhoid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha, ha, ha, ha. | |
| You call that a hemorrhoid? | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Step aside, little lady. | ||
| Let me show you a hemorrhoid. | ||
| And it was like, you know, in Stranger Things, the fucking monster, the way the face opens up, that's what Ori's asshole does. | ||
| It looks like Homer Simpson's mouth. | ||
| Yeah, remember like the blade? | ||
| Remember the blade vampire mouths when they evolved? | ||
| And they opened like Predator? | ||
| Predator's mouth. | ||
| It looks like it's baggy, but just because it opens a lot. | ||
| What's the way it opens? | ||
| How does he get away with what he gets away with, dude? | ||
| Because he keeps tissues in his asshole at all times. | ||
| And if you're with Ari, at one point he might just throw a bloody tissue at you. | ||
| I get staying away from the doctors. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| But if you're actively bleeding out of your asshole, I'd be on an operating table, face down, quick. | ||
| Quick! | ||
| I think it's a real pain in the ass to get the surgery. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| He's dealing with it as is. | ||
| I'm glad he's going to get it fixed though. | ||
| It's troublesome. | ||
| How many times did that guy send you a picture of bloody toilet paper? | ||
| I've seen way too much. | ||
| Way too much. | ||
| The most impressive thing to me is that Ari historically has just crushed ass. | ||
| Like hot chicks. | ||
| Walking around with... | ||
| He's a brilliant guy. | ||
| He's confident walking around with napkins up his ass. | ||
| He's also weirdly handsome. | ||
| Like, you don't think you see him, you're like, alright, that's a fucking goofy, camel-faced fucking asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But then you look at him again, he kind of has dreamy eyes. | ||
| Dreamy. | ||
| And he's in good shape. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| He got in good shape for Sober October. | ||
| He was a fucking animal. | ||
| I knew that he was going to be a real problem. | ||
| He was trying to win that goddamn thing. | ||
| That's not fair, dude. | ||
| You can't fucking have an athletic competition with all of your out-of-shape fat friends. | ||
| It's not fair. | ||
| It's certainly not fair. | ||
| But they were willing to do it. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| I'm like, look, we're going to work out seven days, six hours a day. | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
| We're going to have to do that. | ||
| We're going to see who drops. | ||
| This is not smart. | ||
| And they're saying because they're sober. | ||
| Ari came the closest. | ||
| Ari got close. | ||
| He got close. | ||
| He went hard. | ||
| He went fucking hard. | ||
| If Ari was in shape going into it, he probably would have... | ||
| What's the parameters of winning? | ||
| How do you win? | ||
| This is last year. | ||
| Last year was the only time we made a competition. | ||
| And I think it's better off not being a competition, honestly. | ||
| I think the first year we had to do 15 yoga classes over the month. | ||
| 15 90 minute hot yoga classes. | ||
| Which is annoying. | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| Like, you don't want to do it, but you have to do it. | ||
| Like, when you get in there, all right, number seven, and you're starting to think, how many more days are there? | ||
| I'm going to have to do a bunch in a row. | ||
| I wound up having to do nine in a row. | ||
| So I did yoga nine fucking days in a row. | ||
| But there was no competition. | ||
| But we just had a requirement. | ||
| And everybody met the requirement. | ||
| We felt good that we accomplished the goal together. | ||
| But then everybody started talking crazy. | ||
| They wanted to do a competition. | ||
| And Tom was like, yeah, let's wear these heart rate monitors. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| We're all gonna die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So what was the... | |
| How did you... | ||
| How would Aria have won? | ||
| Like, what was the... | ||
| It's a point system. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It's based on 80% of your heart rate, right? | ||
| So it finds your max heart rate, and then, you know, 80% of that gets you X amount of points, and 90% of that gets you Y amount of points. | ||
| I forget what it is. | ||
| Over the course of time. | ||
| Yeah, but you can't really maintain 90%. | ||
| 90% is like these sprints. | ||
| The real smart move is to stay at 80 and go long term. | ||
| So we were doing these cardio workouts. | ||
| It's all just in your head. | ||
| Because it's not hard to do. | ||
| It's not hard to do an elliptical machine. | ||
| It's an easy motion. | ||
| So it's all in your head. | ||
| And all you do is you wear this fucking heart rate monitor. | ||
| And what I did is I watched the murder scene from John Wick where he goes into the Russian bathhouse over and over again on a loop. | ||
| For five hours, and I just stayed on the fucking elliptical machine for five hours watching that scene. | ||
| I'd get to the end of it, and I'd rewind it, and I'd watch it again, and I'd be like, ah! | ||
| The music popped up, and I did it for fucking six hours a day, seven hours a day. | ||
| Six hours a day? | ||
| That's psychotic. | ||
| Well, we were having a competition. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's almost to the point where it's probably not healthy to work out that much. | |
| It's not healthy. | ||
| It's definitely not healthy. | ||
| We were competing. | ||
| We were going to hell. | ||
| I'm like, we're going to hell. | ||
| There's no way Burt Kreischer was doing anything like that. | ||
| Burt Kreischer was the one who talked the most shit, so I would think about him while I was getting tired. | ||
| I was like, there's no way, bitch. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| You're going to die. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're all going to die. | |
| Let's just go. | ||
| We're going to go until there's no sleep. | ||
| Is there an advantage to starting off being one of the fattest guys because you can lose more? | ||
| No. | ||
| Your body's going to have a hard time recovering. | ||
| But 80% of your max heart rate is different than 80% of my max heart rate. | ||
| So technically, I don't have to work as hard as you. | ||
| You'd have to run seven on a treadmill. | ||
| I could run at a 4.5. | ||
| No, I think it's based on your age as well. | ||
| So the max heart rate's different. | ||
| So it might actually be easier. | ||
| Because he's just used to doing it. | ||
| It's all about your body being used to doing it. | ||
| Yeah, if you're used to working out that much. | ||
| 80% is only like 140 beats a minute. | ||
| Or maybe a little bit more, like 146 beats per minute. | ||
| That's not that bad. | ||
| You can kind of do that for a long time. | ||
| You just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's like... | |
| Just watch something that's engaging and make sure you keep breathing at that rate and you get trapped in whatever you're watching. | ||
| And for me it was fights too. | ||
| That was a big one. | ||
| I just put on some great fights. | ||
| So I got a TV right in front of me and I'm on this fucking elliptical machine watching fights and I would drink gigantic jugs of water with Himalayan salt and all these different... | ||
| That keeps your heart rate up? | ||
| No, to keep you hydrated. | ||
| Keep you alive? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| I sweat. | ||
| For the sweet, sweet, deliciousness of water? | ||
| I sweat so much that I set off the fire alarm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I filled the room up with so much steam that the fire alarm went off. | ||
| I filmed it. | ||
| Good fire alarm. | ||
| I put it on YouTube. | ||
| Or on Twitter. | ||
| What is it on Instagram? | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| Dave, you make me so mad. | ||
| Dave's never worked out a day in his fucking life. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's got to be a few. | ||
| But he looked good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he looks good. | |
| He's handsome. | ||
| My point was Ari got close. | ||
| He got close to me. | ||
| He wasn't even working out. | ||
| That's how crazy Ari is. | ||
| And then you have to deal with the fact that you're doing this publicly and you can't allow Ari to beat you at this thing? | ||
| I wasn't allowing Burt. | ||
| If Ari beat me, I would have said, wow, man, that's really, really impressive. | ||
| But Burt, there was no fucking way. | ||
| If Burt wins, you have to quit? | ||
| No way. | ||
| Tom, if Tom beat me, I'd be like, dude, you did it, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I wish I won, but you won. | ||
| Bert, no way. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| We're going to hell. | ||
| You just leave, we never hear from you again. | ||
| We're going to the dark lands. | ||
| I'm wearing that Matarami all day long. | ||
| I'm just going to be lifting weights everywhere I go. | ||
| How far back was Bert in the standings? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For last! | |
| Of course he came in last. | ||
| He's barely working out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's talking shit. | |
| What if he do it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He wins! | |
| He wins! | ||
| Was it a marathon he ran or something? | ||
| Half marathon or half marathon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| He ran a full marathon. | ||
| I mean, that was pretty impressive. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Bert's tough. | ||
| All bullshit aside, Bert talks tremendous amounts of shit. | ||
| That's why I didn't want to lose to him. | ||
| But Bert's tough. | ||
| I think he also talks shit to sort of set the expectation for himself. | ||
| Because if he says it, he's gonna fucking have to stick to it. | ||
| That's a very Lewis thing. | ||
| Lewis speaks very declarative about things. | ||
| And I'm like, why do you do that? | ||
| Because I hold myself to that standard. | ||
| If I say I'm gonna lose weight publicly and then I don't, everyone gets to call me a fucking phony. | ||
| And if I keep it in my head, I probably will be more likely to skip the gym or whatever else it is. | ||
| That's really wise. | ||
| That's really wise. | ||
| That's a good strategy. | ||
| If you fail, it works for better podcasting. | ||
| It's also true. | ||
| And it's like public acknowledgement of your failings when it comes to little goals that you set for you. | ||
| It lets everybody know, hey man, this is not easy to do. | ||
| We live in a social media generation. | ||
| I need people to tell me, dude, you're losing weight. | ||
| And when they stop telling me that, I get fat again. | ||
| And then they're like, oh, you're getting fat. | ||
| And then I start losing weight again. | ||
| It's almost that... | ||
| The attention is sort of what motivates me. | ||
| I need something beyond just being healthy. | ||
| How much time have you spent researching different methods of losing weight? | ||
| You looked into intermittent fasting? | ||
| Yeah, I've been obsessed with you. | ||
| I want to try that, but I still don't fully understand what it is. | ||
| It's simple. | ||
| You just have a small feeding window. | ||
| For me, I like to fast. | ||
| I feel at my best when I'm fasting 14 hours. | ||
| So what I'll do is... | ||
| If I eat at 8 p.m., then I eat at 10 a.m. | ||
| the next day. | ||
| It's not hard. | ||
| I was doing 12 p.m. | ||
| to 7 p.m. | ||
| I was eating. | ||
| I could eat from 12 p.m. | ||
| to 7 p.m. | ||
| But I wasn't really eating healthy things. | ||
| That's what I was going to say. | ||
| When I was doing intermittent fasting, I was eating shitty. | ||
| What I'm better at is if I just cut out most of the carbs. | ||
| I'll eat fruit and shit like that. | ||
| But if I cut out all the carbs and the burgers and the fucking bread and the pasta and the rice... | ||
| I can manage that because I can get creative. | ||
| And if I'm in the mood for pizza, I can figure out a low-carb version of pizza. | ||
| Cauliflower crust or whatever it is. | ||
| Oh, gay. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| It's really delicious. | ||
| Do all those things, but also lift weights. | ||
| Yeah, I have been. | ||
| I just started again, like two weeks ago. | ||
| That's a big one. | ||
| Lifting weights is huge. | ||
| It burns a shit ton of calories. | ||
| And more importantly, when your body has more muscle, then your body burns more calories. | ||
| So you could eat the same amount of food and you lose weight. | ||
| You could do all that or, Lewis, I know you, just fist fight a comedian. | ||
| When I say lose weight, I mean you'll lose body fat. | ||
| Joe, you eat like tons of meat. | ||
| I eat a lot of meat. | ||
| Have you gotten gout stuff ever? | ||
| No, I don't think gout's from meat. | ||
| Isn't that like a wine disease? | ||
| What do you get gout from? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Meat. | |
| A lot of meat and beer? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| It's in your feet? | ||
| It's in your toe. | ||
| It's your fucking right big toe. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| I think you're sitting in a chair for too long and eating too much meat. | ||
| I think it's all those things. | ||
| I think you can get your heel, too. | ||
| Doesn't it fuck your heels up, too? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I only had it hit twice ever in my toe. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| What, you had gout? | ||
| Yeah, and by the way, it hurt so much that when I went to the doctor, I was like, I'll take, because you can get medicine for it every day you take, so you don't get it, and I would have absolutely taken that as how much it hurt, and they'd go, no, you don't have a condition. | ||
| I think I just went to a festival of concerts one weekend. | ||
| You were a little gouty. | ||
| Here's the definition. | ||
| Here's a definition. | ||
| Gout occurs when urate crystals accumulate in your joint, causing inflammation and intense pain of a gout attack. | ||
| Urate crystals can form when you have high levels of uric acid in your blood. | ||
| Your body produces uric acid when it breaks down purines, substances that are found naturally in your body. | ||
| I got piss blood. | ||
| That still didn't answer my question. | ||
| What's your main cause? | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| I got pee blood. | ||
| He's up on the uric acid. | ||
| Certain foods. | ||
| Meat, poultry, seafood. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Chemical compounds that are high amounts in certain foods like meat, poultry, and seafood. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I think you also have to be fat. | ||
| Hypo uremia. | ||
| Do non-fat people get gout? | ||
| Yeah, my friend was not fat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hyperuricemia. | |
| It sounds like something that a fat person should only get, though. | ||
| Dude, I lied. | ||
| I was on a flight yesterday and I lied because we were on the runway for two and a half hours and I was just getting really impatient. | ||
| I was like, I'm fucking hungry. | ||
| I made up that I was hyperglycemic to get food. | ||
| I buzzed the thing and they wouldn't come. | ||
| So eventually I started just like waving like a madman. | ||
| And Mike Fennoya, who's a friend of ours, a comic, he was a few rows up. | ||
| That's how he knew I was on a plane because I was being a lunatic. | ||
| And I was like, we've been on here forever. | ||
| I'm hyper-lycemic. | ||
| I need food right now. | ||
| Man, I'm like, go get me orange juice. | ||
| It was the most fucking embarrassing thing. | ||
| Like, here, suck a lemon. | ||
| Keep getting me things. | ||
| Dude, two and a half hours out of goddamn memory. | ||
| When you're angry on a plane that's not going anywhere, I'm blown away by the amount of rules. | ||
| We've been at the gate for like two hours before. | ||
| I'm like, can I just go back into the airport? | ||
| And they're like, no. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense if you can. | ||
| Can you leave and not take the flight? | ||
| You're like, I'm off. | ||
| I'm going. | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| Unless the door is closed. | ||
| But it's a big deal. | ||
| If you want to leave, that's a big deal. | ||
| But as a Puerto Rican, if you do leave, Louis, you have to twerk on your... | ||
| I don't know if you watch those videos. | ||
| When people leave planes, they go, fuck y'all, fuck! | ||
| They always twerk their way out. | ||
| You will get put on a list, for sure. | ||
| They will check up your asshole every time you fly on a plane. | ||
| Well, Louis already has that problem. | ||
| Well, me and Kim flew. | ||
| Am I guessing? | ||
| Do you think they would probably check you? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you decide, I want off the plane right now. | ||
| If you make a scene or not, yeah, probably. | ||
| And they have to pull the plane back into... | ||
| They'll be like, this guy? | ||
| That's my guess. | ||
| I don't think you're not going to get off unless you make a scene. | ||
| You won't get off once it's away from the gate. | ||
| I'm talking about when they stay at the gate and they never actually pull away from the... | ||
| When you're on a plane, you're just hoping everyone can keep it together. | ||
| That's what you're hoping. | ||
| Just hoping everyone can keep it together. | ||
| What's your craziest plane experience? | ||
| I've never had a bad one. | ||
| I hate flying, and I've had plenty of weird ones. | ||
| Two dudes did almost get after it once on a plane over overhead space. | ||
| This one guy was claiming the space overhead... | ||
| There's only four or five arguments you could have on a plane. | ||
| Over at space, middle person gets both armrests. | ||
| One guy was on this side, right? | ||
| But his shit was all filled up. | ||
| So he opens up the bin on the other side and puts his bag in and sits down. | ||
| And the guy who was behind him, that was his side. | ||
| He goes, hey man, that's my storage space. | ||
| He goes, no it's not. | ||
| He goes, it's storage space. | ||
| I put my bag in there first. | ||
| I was ahead of you. | ||
| I put my bag in there. | ||
| He's like, no, you have yours, and I have mine, and yours is full, and he goes to grab his shit. | ||
| And the guy goes, hey man, don't touch my fucking bag. | ||
| That guy's right, by the way. | ||
| The guy who took the other storage space? | ||
| It's not your personalized storage space. | ||
| It's just storage space. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Well, in first class, I wish one of those degenerate fucks from the back would try to put some shit in my storage space. | ||
| I flew first class one time. | ||
| They almost went after it though. | ||
| The waitress had to cut them off. | ||
| We're in the air. | ||
| The waitress? | ||
| We're in the air and they're going at it again. | ||
| They were going at it when the plane was about to take off and then they got through it and in the air they were going at it again. | ||
| The waitress, the stewardess. | ||
| She cuts them off, wouldn't let them have alcohol, but it was tense. | ||
| So it's like, you know, you have to keep an eye on it. | ||
| I was going to say, did you keep your eye on it like the whole time? | ||
| She made me. | ||
| The lady made me. | ||
| She's like, you're going to help me, right? | ||
| I'm like, Jesus Christ, lady. | ||
| I don't think anything's going to happen. | ||
| Well, yesterday, the woman behind me, as I was complaining, she was like, yeah, you know, he was like, well, what do you want to do? | ||
| I was like, some orange juice, some coffee, maybe a kind bar, that'd be nice. | ||
| And the woman behind me goes, she said like, loud enough for me to hear, she goes, just get him some orange juice. | ||
| And I went, I turned around, I was like, mind your business, lady. | ||
| Shut the fuck up, lady. | ||
| Hey, what are those guys, those undercover dudes that are on planes? | ||
| Air Marshals? | ||
| Air Marshals, right? | ||
| So if you're an Air Marshal and you see these two guys getting after a little bit, just talking shit, grabbing bags, just being dicky to each other, when do you move in? | ||
| Because you don't want everybody to know you're an Air Marshal. | ||
| You're like, they don't have a bomb? | ||
| You guys gotta work this out. | ||
| You fucking pussies are just gonna push each other. | ||
| You guys aren't terrorists. | ||
| What am I doing here? | ||
| You're also just an architect and a fucking... | ||
| If somebody's willing to have a fight on a plane and give up their entire fucking... | ||
| It's such a pain in the ass. | ||
| What are you going to deal with to get into a fist fight on a plane? | ||
| I don't know how many different crimes it is, but they have to pull this fucking plane over. | ||
| You are fucked, dude. | ||
| You have to really want to fight somebody in order to do that because you'll deal with a lot of shit before you get to that point. | ||
| You're going to like Guantanamo or something when they arrest you. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| You see that lady smack her boyfriend in the head? | ||
| The guy gets up, he's trying to leave, and she's smacking him. | ||
| And throws the laptop? | ||
| Yeah, as he's walking down the aisle. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't see that. | ||
| It sounds ridiculous. | ||
| They're in the air, right? | ||
| They're in the air, right? | ||
| The lady's screaming, she's just throwing a laptop at her boyfriend. | ||
| Yeah, she's like, you ain't shit. | ||
| I don't know if she'd catch her boyfriend cheating on the plane or something. | ||
| It was something like that weird. | ||
| But she got super loud and it became like a huge scene where everybody was listening to her talking to him. | ||
| It was like, oh my god, this is so crazy. | ||
| I mean, when they were dragging the Asian guy out of the plane, it's one of the funniest videos of all time. | ||
| That was crazy! | ||
| That guy didn't even do anything! | ||
| They wanted him to give up his seat. | ||
| He just wouldn't leave. | ||
| He started chanting, I want to go home. | ||
| It was so sad. | ||
| They would legitimately have to drag me. | ||
| If they were trying to get me to give up my seat, they would have to drag me out of the plane. | ||
| Imagine thinking that they could do that. | ||
| Imagine thinking they could do that. | ||
| We're just going to grab you physically and take you off the show. | ||
| Like, come on. | ||
| You're on the plane. | ||
| The plane's about to take off. | ||
| We're going to grab you and just pull you out of there. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think they probably just settled with him. | |
| They probably just gave him a ton of money and said, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Because at what point it is your private business. | ||
| They do have security. | ||
| I mean, at what point does somebody want to leave your private business? | ||
| I'm sure it's within the contract that you fucking... | ||
| the terms of service for the ticket that they can do that. | ||
| Do you think so? | ||
| Were the guys already sitting down? | ||
| Well, he said no after they asked him to leave a lot of times. | ||
| So I don't know what the law is. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| But if it's his ticket, and he bought the ticket, you can just decide if the guy hasn't done anything wrong. | ||
| It's a ridiculous thing. | ||
| It's some fucking dumb line. | ||
| They can do anything they want. | ||
| Anything they want. | ||
| Well, what happened is they got destroyed on social media for weeks afterward, and they apologized, and were like, we're changing our policy, and all of this dumb shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sort of like Starbucks. | |
| That's why homeless people are there. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| Don't even get me fucking started, Joe. | ||
| American Airlines says officially, thank God that guy wasn't black. | ||
| I live in Harlem, and the Starbucks in Harlem, I mean, it looks like a bus depot. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's just lines of people just sitting there, charging their cell phones, not ordering anything. | ||
| Well, it's just because their new policy is everyone who walks in is a customer, right? | ||
| Yeah, they're a customer as soon as they walk in the doors. | ||
| This is what's hilarious. | ||
| It happened because of one bad PR thing. | ||
| In Philly, when these two black dudes were just trying to sit down and chill out at... | ||
| At Starbucks and someone decided to remove them from the premises. | ||
| Yeah, but look, if you weren't there, you don't know. | ||
| I'm with Dave on this. | ||
| I'm giving him bait. | ||
| I know that you have opinions on this. | ||
| Look, all I'm saying is a libertarian perspective is... | ||
| They might have been dicks. | ||
| Starbucks might have been dicks. | ||
| But what I know is they asked him to leave. | ||
| They called the cops. | ||
| The cops weren't going to arrest him. | ||
| The cops told him, you have to leave. | ||
| And they still refused to leave. | ||
| And then they let him go. | ||
| They literally just cuffed him, took him to the station, and then were like, go. | ||
| They didn't charge him with anything. | ||
| They also tried to order Four Loko. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| They were out. | ||
| Okay, but here's what I know. | ||
| I know that we don't know what happened. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No, I agree with that completely. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| It was a human interaction. | ||
| You don't know who the cunt was there. | ||
| It could have been them. | ||
| It could have been the person working. | ||
| I know what fucking happened. | ||
| I know exactly what happened. | ||
| What do you think happened? | ||
| These two guys walked in. | ||
| They didn't buy anything. | ||
| They were like, oh yeah, you guys gotta buy something. | ||
| They were like, no, we don't. | ||
| They're like, well, you gotta leave then. | ||
| They're like, no, we don't. | ||
| And it was this weird little Mexican standoff between a fucking dumb idiot Starbucks employee and two dumb idiots that wouldn't leave a Starbucks. | ||
| Well, here's the difference. | ||
| Everything was right. | ||
| A Mexican standoff between blacks and some Chinese idiot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you think that the influx of homeless people is bad for their business? | ||
| Do you think it's hurting business at all? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Imagine if that one move from that one store, if the wings of the butterfly from that one little incident creates a dip in the value of the company. | ||
| I feel like people wouldn't want to hang out there as long and you probably buy more shit if you like stay there. | ||
| There's probably people who go up online a couple times if they're there, you know, writing. | ||
| You don't want to write your script on your laptop while a guy's shitting his pants next to you. | ||
| Yes, and I know we're four morons, but let's solve this. | ||
| Like, why are there so many homeless people? | ||
| And what could be done? | ||
| I think that's a real tough one, man. | ||
| That's like, the thing what they used to do is just institutionalize them. | ||
| Just fucking grab them and throw them, and there's some problems with that. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Because who decides who's worthy of being institutionalized? | ||
| We could hunt them at night like Nutria. | ||
| Did they have those at night? | ||
| Yeah, they just go around with the thing of the shooting. | ||
| Didn't Natal do that on a show? | ||
| Yeah, he did, yeah. | ||
| That's right, on Insomniac. | ||
| He went nutria hunting. | ||
| It's bad out here, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's bad. | |
| We got it in New York, but you guys got it real bad. | ||
| You ain't seen shit until you go downtown. | ||
| Downtown LA makes everything. | ||
| Every underpass in LA now, you're subject to see tents. | ||
| They're all over the place. | ||
| All over through the valley. | ||
| Homeless people in LA and New York are pretty friendly, though. | ||
| They're not that aggressive. | ||
| I was in Seattle. | ||
| Those fuckers will come up to you and they will go at you. | ||
| They want money. | ||
| If you don't give them money, they will give you an attitude about it. | ||
| Everywhere else. | ||
| Cleveland, horrible homeless. | ||
| Every other city besides New York. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sam Fran? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Sam Fran, it's like... | ||
| Aggressive. | ||
| The Canadian homeless are the shittiest and most aggressive. | ||
| Do you remember this when you were a kid? | ||
| How much homelessness was around? | ||
| When we were kids, you would see those boxes on the side of the road, and it was usually someone who was so fucked up that, you know, they just couldn't go anywhere, and they'd have a box, and they smelled like shit, and they were covered up. | ||
| But we're seeing, like, different levels of homelessness. | ||
| Did you grow up suburban? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I grew up in Brooklyn. | ||
| I saw homeless people all the time, but I never saw anything, and I haven't seen it in person, but I've never seen anything like the camps and stuff that I've seen. | ||
| Like, that's insane. | ||
| Yeah, that's the new thing. | ||
| Yeah, that's what's new. | ||
| It's like the underpasses too. | ||
| When I first started coming here in 94, there was never any tents on the underpasses. | ||
| At least I don't remember them being. | ||
| I think now there's like almost, some people think it's cool. | ||
| I live in East Village, New York, and there is so many just kids that you're like, you're a phone call away from like solving this problem. | ||
| Like you kind of want to be out here like... | ||
| They're always there by NYU and shit. | ||
| It's literally like some... | ||
| It's the heroin kids. | ||
| They all look like punk rockers. | ||
| 20-year-old, 19-year-old white kids who are clearly on drugs. | ||
| Now it's like 20, though. | ||
| It's a group of 20. That's what I'm saying. | ||
| But I don't think that those kids are a phone... | ||
| I bet you those kids are from really, really fucked up situations at home and they're into drugs. | ||
| Some. | ||
| I think more often than not, they're probably dealing with some fucked up shit at home. | ||
| You don't end up on the streets to rebel against your good mom and dad most of the time. | ||
| I'm sure it happens. | ||
| Also watching a guy like, you know, who just looks like as cruddy as homeless can be, like charging his phone on one of those stations is pretty funny. | ||
| Well, that's what we have in New York. | ||
| Where's your address for billing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How is this working? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| A lot of those kids have that, too. | ||
| Yeah, who's billing? | ||
| How's Verizon get you the bill every month? | ||
| There's no prepaid bill. | ||
| What they installed in New York is on every corner now they have like a big station, right? | ||
| And on that station you could do literally free phone calls. | ||
| You could just dial a number. | ||
| It's a speakerphone phone call. | ||
| You could charge your phone. | ||
| And it's like a Wi-Fi station. | ||
| So everyone on the street has Wi-Fi in New York. | ||
| And you're like, this is a great idea. | ||
| Except now there's always a homeless person literally plugged into it. | ||
| And that's now their power source for their little homeless thing. | ||
| When they had the screens, they were jerking off outside. | ||
| They had to take the screens out of them. | ||
| They took the screens off. | ||
| There was about a week after they came out where you'd see regular people using them. | ||
| And now it's only homeless people. | ||
| Nobody else touches them. | ||
| If you had to look at a graph of all the crimes that were committed using burner phones, like 7-Eleven burner phones, how many 7-Eleven burner phones are used by poor people and how many of them are used to commit crimes? | ||
| Like, serious espionage shit. | ||
| Like, there's no in between. | ||
| Like, what is the... | ||
| I bet you there's a big old road. | ||
| Yeah, bridge kids and international spies. | ||
| A fucking giant international crime tool that goes unreported. | ||
| Burner phones. | ||
| Like, 7-Eleven burner phones. | ||
| We get it. | ||
| It's in the plastic. | ||
| You pop it open. | ||
| It's got an hour in it. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Who the fuck is using those things? | ||
| Some of them are poor people. | ||
| I think it's getting more and more exclusively criminal. | ||
| It's like leaving an airplane. | ||
| If you buy a 7-Eleven phone, you're on a list. | ||
| You could go to Verizon and get a bottom-of-the-line phone that's affordable, that's better than anything that existed five years ago. | ||
| Where technology is now, you don't have to spend... | ||
| What's a cheap Android phone? | ||
| Oh yeah, you go to MetroPCS right now, get a free Android phone, sign up for $40, and you're out the door, and then you never have to pay it again, because it's prepaid. | ||
| Yeah, so you just have a certain amount of minutes, right? | ||
| Well, no, it's unlimited. | ||
| I have a metric PCS, guys. | ||
| And so if you're a homeless... | ||
| My friends make fun of me. | ||
| Do you have the general insurance, too? | ||
| You just do everything. | ||
| It's a phone call. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, I pay six... | |
| Oh, it's online, right? | ||
| It's online. | ||
| $60 a month, I get everything unlimited. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck off. | |
| I don't understand why I would ever switch besides for the fact that my friends make fun of me. | ||
| So your phone works in places? | ||
| It works everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're doing some sort of a roaming thing, I guess. | ||
| No, there's no roaming. | ||
| There's no overages, nothing. | ||
| It's just better. | ||
| It really sounds like we're doing a fucking ad read for MetroPTS right now. | ||
| It's one of the UFC sponsors. | ||
| I know it is. | ||
| But people make fun of you like you're hot garbage. | ||
| You've got to not tell people. | ||
| People can't handle the truth. | ||
| Any time I screenshot something, it says MetroPCS in the corner. | ||
| I can't post pictures on Instagram. | ||
| You scratch it out and put Boost Mobile. | ||
| It's not even that much better. | ||
| There's certain things that even if they're great, they're embarrassing. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Even if they're great, it's embarrassing that it's great. | ||
| Like, I think Hyundai has a problem with these new cars that they're making, so they start calling them the Genesis. | ||
| They stopped calling them Hyundais. | ||
| Because people are like, no, no, Hyundai's that car that costs, it's real cheap, but it runs forever. | ||
| That's a Hyundai. | ||
| They're like, no, no, no, Hyundai's luxury. | ||
| We got this luxury. | ||
| And they're like, nope, nope, can't have both. | ||
| Yeah, they got grounded. | ||
| Yeah, MetroPCS, even if it's the best service. | ||
| You know, like, the problem is, like, anytime anything's a bargain, even if it really is a great deal, and Metro PCS seems like a great deal, it does, like, anytime when things are a bargain, people don't want it. | ||
| Like, some people want the shit that costs a lot and it's hard to get. | ||
| Yeah, when I was a kid, I remember I would, I just wouldn't get sneakers that weren't like Nikes or like, Even if they were comfortable sneakers, even if they were more expensive, it didn't matter. | ||
| You felt like a loser. | ||
| Yeah, I felt like a fucking idiot. | ||
| You're like a rebel if you went Adidas. | ||
| Now you wear grocery store sneakers? | ||
| I don't give a shit now. | ||
| It's funny how important it is when you're younger, though. | ||
| It's very important. | ||
| Because anything that could get you just ridiculed when you were young, you had to be always conscious of. | ||
| You had to always be aware of what could fuck up your day. | ||
| There's not enough of a delineation between shitty stuff and the mid-range stuff, but I think high-end stuff tends to be better quality. | ||
| I used to always shit on that with clothing and stuff. | ||
| My ex-wife, I remember, was talking about how much she spent on a purse, which I said is ridiculous. | ||
| But it lasts forever. | ||
| And to some degree, I still think it's ridiculous to do that for a purse, but my point is paying for the quality does last longer. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| Things are made better sometimes. | ||
| But the difference between a knockoff... | ||
| Fucking Louis Vuitton bag and a bag you'd buy in a store is not much difference. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like a fake Ferrari. | ||
| Right, yeah, exactly. | ||
| There's a huge difference between those bags, I think. | ||
| I don't remember this being a thing. | ||
| My dad used to... | ||
| He's into fashion. | ||
| I'm just saying, like, the stitching. | ||
| I mean, I did a chick who was a fashion chick. | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely a huge difference between those bags. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm just saying, the difference between one you'd buy at JCPenney versus a shitty one you'd buy on the street, there's not much difference in quality in that. | ||
| You might as well just buy the fake Louis Vuitton. | ||
| Yeah, but if you were a kid and you didn't have a good name brand sneaker, you were shamed and embarrassed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They call them the Bobos. | ||
| I had Voits, I remember. | ||
| When I was in the sixth grade, there were Voits, and that was the last shitty sneaker I ever had. | ||
| It was just V-O-I-T. Got them at C.H. Martin's, which was this, I mean, as shitty of a department store as you could possibly get, and kids would just make fun of your shitty sneakers. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| I had Lottos. | ||
| I had Lottos that had Velcro on the side that you could change the Lottos symbol to different colors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lottos? | |
| Like a fat fucking cheerleader. | ||
| I was dressed like a cheerleader. | ||
| They changed the colors to go up my school spirit. | ||
| If you were a runner, maybe you'd get away with New Balance. | ||
| Yeah, there were people who wore New Balance when I was in high school. | ||
| New Balance is like, okay, it's okay, you're an alternative. | ||
| It's a good quality shoe. | ||
| Marvin Hagler used to wear them. | ||
| If you had Asics gels, people thought you had an arch problem. | ||
| Or you were a wrestler. | ||
| Asics, yeah. | ||
| Wrestlers love Asics wrestling shoes. | ||
| By the time high school came around, I knew well enough to just change my style. | ||
| So I'd start around like Airwalks and those shitty skaters. | ||
| They were like 45 bucks a pop. | ||
| Ah, good move. | ||
| Yeah, that was very smart. | ||
| So I was a big Jenko Jean guy. | ||
| Well, Converse Chucks never went out of style. | ||
| Never. | ||
| They never went out of style. | ||
| Also never been comfortable. | ||
| I love them! | ||
| You think they're comfortable? | ||
| I have them, but they're not comfortable. | ||
| I don't like smooshy shoes that much. | ||
| Sometimes I do. | ||
| But most of the times I like it where it's very little rubber. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| Imagine that those guys played basketball in those things back in the day. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| It doesn't seem like a lot of support. | ||
| But maybe they had stronger ankles that way or something. | ||
| My mom tried to convince me that Chucks were cool, and she was right, but this was when I was in the sixth grade. | ||
| Oh, they weren't cool? | ||
| It wasn't. | ||
| No, this was when Chucks had, you know, Converse was at the absolute bottom. | ||
| They fucking, something happened. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| It became cool again. | ||
| But it's not, I think I feel like Chuck Taylors. | ||
| Because it was 27 bucks. | ||
| I feel like Chuck Taylors were always in style. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Converse. | ||
| Like, just as a general brand. | ||
| If you had just Converse sneakers, dude, you looked like a jerk-off. | ||
| Wait, there was a difference? | ||
| Your family better be poor as shit. | ||
| You better have other problems, like, with your pants and shirt before we even get to those Converse sneakers. | ||
| Wait, was there a difference? | ||
| But this was a dark period of time, but that period of time's gone. | ||
| Right? | ||
| They have dope leather and suede ones. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| They have all kinds of different... | ||
| Who's that guy that can do those? | ||
| Now it's like the look. | ||
| Now it's like the look. | ||
| So if someone makes... | ||
| I mean, feel us back somehow. | ||
| Fat-tongue feel us. | ||
| And they're back for kids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, for kids, is there one, we don't know, we're so out of the loop, but is there one brand that's like, is it still Nike? | ||
| Nike and Jordans still, yeah. | ||
| My daughter's 17, so yeah. | ||
| So Jordans. | ||
| Yeah, Nike, Timberlands my kid has. | ||
| Sure, yeah, if it's Boots, it's Timberlands. | ||
| Jordans has got to be like the most successful sneaker campaign in the history of the known universe, right? | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah, without a doubt. | ||
| There's nothing that has the kind of cachet as a Jordans. | ||
| The only thing I'd say maybe, probably, that sells more than the Jordan is the Air Force One, but they're per unit cheaper. | ||
| That's him too, though, right? | ||
| That's still Michael Jordan's Nike. | ||
| That's just Nike. | ||
| But I think Air Force One, I think of him. | ||
| No, the Air Force Ones are basic. | ||
| Oh, it's mine. | ||
| Doesn't the Air Force One have a dude flying through the air, Duncan? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's just the Jordan. | ||
| I'm so white. | ||
| Nikes are fucking uncomfortable. | ||
| Every time I wear Nikes, they hurt my feet. | ||
| I don't like them. | ||
| That's too vague a statement. | ||
| These are, what are these? | ||
| You're into skate shoes, right? | ||
| Minimalist, sort of. | ||
| Yeah, there we go. | ||
| I love those kind of shoes. | ||
| And then I wear New Balance. | ||
| I wear New Balance a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like an old white guy. | ||
| Yeah, that's a wide foot shoe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're taking a bold risk when you wear those five finger shoes. | ||
| Even though they're good for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, those things? | |
| Are those good? | ||
| I've never put a pair on. | ||
| Yeah, they're great. | ||
| To walk around in life, though, or just at the gym? | ||
| My friend Kyle Kingsbury does it, but he's also a gorilla. | ||
| He's an enormous guy. | ||
| So he's daring you to say that, or he's going to climb a tree? | ||
| No, he's a super nice guy, but he's a former UFC fighter. | ||
| Super nice guy. | ||
| He wears those fucking five finger shoes everywhere. | ||
| I follow Kyle on Instagram. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| Great, great. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| Is he a white guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I say it only. | ||
| There was a thing I saw. | ||
| Married a ring girl, right? | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Natasha. | ||
| Yeah, smoking. | ||
| There was a clip the other week of two guys, two black guys at a tow truck company, I think it is, that start filming this white guy that called them gorillas. | ||
| But the white guy backing down as they're coming at him. | ||
| And it's so funny why this guy would have said this. | ||
| I almost believe the white guy's excuse, but he is lost. | ||
| I guess he said something like, have one of these two gorillas bring it around. | ||
| They're big guys, so he definitely kind of meant it like that, but it just doesn't look good. | ||
| So him trying to explain to the guy, like, you call me and my black friends here gorillas. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| No, I meant like strong guy, but he just goes... | ||
| My dentist is a black fella. | ||
| He just starts giving... | ||
| He starts doing... | ||
| He goes, now that's where you're going wrong, brother. | ||
| Talking about your dentist being black. | ||
| Dentist is also... | ||
| My mailman's a black fella. | ||
| He comes around. | ||
| That's way too far removed. | ||
| That's not even... | ||
| I've high-fived him several times. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even believe him. | ||
| Is that the thing I brought out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little later. | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| This one over here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sweet. | |
| So, uh, I saw the thing where Milo said you guys cucked out on the show the first time. | ||
| That's why we're going hard on new balances this time. | ||
| It was worth it to have Ari. | ||
| When Ari said fuck you to all three of us, it was the hardest I laughed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then he goes, fuck you! | |
| Ari is a fucking national treasure. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| Dude, Ari at Skankfest, so Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane do a show where they, it's called Would You Bang Him, and they have like four or five female comedians on stage, and then a male comedian comes out and does a set, and at the end of it, the girls have to decide whether or not they would fuck him based off of a multitude of things and the set, right? | ||
| So Ari does his... | ||
| He just gets naked. | ||
| He literally takes his clothes off and is like, oh, I'm doing it. | ||
| And then he starts chasing the female comedians around the stage with his dick and trying to hit them. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| Before you say anything more, just be aware that other people are going to listen to this. | ||
| Wait, people are listening? | ||
| He's like, got it. | ||
| Then he held her down against her will for ten minutes. | ||
| Thanks for the heads up, Joe. | ||
| No, this is on camera. | ||
| This is not a made-up thing. | ||
| No, it was all part of the theatrical performance. | ||
| This was planned and agreed to and consented in advance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cabaret. | |
| Cabaret. | ||
| So he's chasing these girls around. | ||
| But not really. | ||
| Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. | ||
| Because he could catch them if he was really chasing them. | ||
| Oh, obviously. | ||
| He's a man. | ||
| Short little woman legs. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Short little woman legs. | |
| So he's chasing them around the stage with his dick and Louis C.K. is there watching from the sidelines and he goes, I'm the problem? | ||
| I think it did a lot to let Louis know he was in a safe space. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're okay here. | ||
| You're fine here. | ||
| A lot of people got their panties in a bunch when, no pun intended, when he went on stage. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Dude, his set was fucking killer. | ||
| No one's paying very much there. | ||
| And the crowd was so happy to see him there, man. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| And I mean, people outside of the people that were there, some people never, I mean, maybe they feel that the guy didn't do what they wanted him to do, but I mean, how long do you want someone to suffer? | ||
| Well, the bummer is also the venue saying that their workers were afraid to stop it or do anything about it and that they were upset. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's bullshit. | |
| The workers were ecstatic. | ||
| They were jumping. | ||
| You almost have to say that. | ||
| They were jumping around. | ||
| They didn't, though, because a business doesn't need to have an opinion. | ||
| They could just not say anything for two days. | ||
| Nobody was going after this venue and going like, oh, you need to release a statement. | ||
| Nobody give a fuck. | ||
| This is all new territory for businesses. | ||
| You have to understand that the idea of reacting to a journalist is not new, but the idea of reacting to thousands and thousands of people who make comments on your Instagram page, that is new. | ||
| And for a business that's, you know... | ||
| That's a big deal. | ||
| They're worried about being boycotted. | ||
| But that's not what happened. | ||
| But the people who are pissed off that Louie's there, those people will not... | ||
| They will boycott. | ||
| They will tweet every day. | ||
| Their thing is to try to ruin someone. | ||
| For committing a woke crime or whatever. | ||
| So that's what they deal with, is that people like us, who are like, eh, that sucks that they fucking wrote that letter. | ||
| We don't do anything. | ||
| We're not boycotting because they wrote that letter. | ||
| The other side isn't putting as much pressure on them, and that's why all these companies, that's why Gillette's making those razor commercials and shit, because they're scared of that side. | ||
| Did you see the Gillette razor commercial where they, is it the Gillette one where the two firemen kiss? | ||
| I don't think I saw that one. | ||
| Maybe it's Blue Cross. | ||
| It was the commercial. | ||
| It's the fucking Army National Guard. | ||
| It was one of those JS companies where two firemen, I wrote it down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| It was a commercial. | ||
| Who are you going for? | ||
| Do you think gay guys are going to go, you know what, we want to fight fires now. | ||
| But it was like, I get it, you're progressive. | ||
| It's like this... | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I want to know what the commercial is. | ||
| Isn't it like, dude, if you buy into that, like, oh my god, I'm so happy this company is woke, you're just a mark. | ||
| They're just taking advantage of you. | ||
| They're just trying to make money off of you. | ||
| Sort of, but it's also hot. | ||
| There's like a hot fireman and his hot boyfriend, and they're making out, and the guy comes back from a fire, and he's ready to get some dick, right? | ||
| Holla. | ||
| It looks fun. | ||
| He's a hero. | ||
| As long as it's not lesbians. | ||
| They're trying to sell you insurance, or whatever the fuck they're selling. | ||
| I don't remember who did the commercial, but I remember saying, oh, okay, we're being progressive. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| Go for it. | ||
| I just find it weird. | ||
| I find it strange, the woke capitalism thing, that people, that companies... | ||
| We'll take a position that you think would turn off like 50% of the people who buy from them. | ||
| But they do it to prove their, I don't know, goodness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it doesn't hurt. | ||
| Does it hurt? | ||
| Like, does anybody go, fuck Blue Cross. | ||
| I'm getting my fucking insurance from that hot Spanish broad. | ||
| People are lazy. | ||
| Whatever the cheapest option is, they're buying that. | ||
| It's like the Equinox thing that just happened. | ||
| Nobody's fucking leaving Equinox. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| There's no other option. | ||
| It's convenient. | ||
| You got your fucking gym membership. | ||
| A handful of people are virtue signaling. | ||
| Do you know... | ||
| But all the people complaining saying boycott Equinox online, they're not fucking Equinox members. | ||
| They're fucking fat. | ||
| Why do you call us a boycott Equinox? | ||
| Because one of the owners was a Trump supporter. | ||
| He gave money to Trump. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He held a fundraiser last week for Trump. | ||
| So people were freaking out. | ||
| Saying to boycott the brand, but it's like, where else are you going to go? | ||
| There's not another high-end gym that's all over the place like that. | ||
| Do you have to have the exact same political beliefs as someone who runs a business? | ||
| It's like, if I go to buy a sandwich, do I have to go like, so where were you on the Iraq war? | ||
| No? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I want to say, do you know a company that preys on your laziness is the insurance that you get through SAG-AFTRA? Mm-hmm. | ||
| Like, you know, you get it for free if you qualify, and then when you don't qualify for it, you're still enrolled in it, and it's, like, the most expensive insurance. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And they kind of got me almost in that way, where a year where it wasn't taken care of, I was like, well, I don't want to switch out and then have any doctors, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, be different. | ||
| So they kind of get you like that. | ||
| Dude, this Trump thing is that if you support anything that he does, even just his business practices, then you're racist. | ||
| Like, everything that you support, if he supports it, you're racist. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| You're a Nazi, you're racist, and when somebody calls you a racist or a Nazi, even people that don't believe that, they don't want to stand with you and defend you, because then they're being perceived as defending a racist or a Nazi, and it's a trick, and it's very effective. | ||
| It's a juicy soap opera. | ||
| I don't know why this guy supports Trump, but maybe he could explain it. | ||
| He's a real estate guy. | ||
| He's a big real estate guy, related properties. | ||
| It has nothing to do with his gym. | ||
| This has to do with the fact that he probably has real estate deals for a very, very long time with Trump. | ||
| And his gym is inconsequential compared to the billion dollar company that he runs. | ||
| Well, that makes sense then. | ||
| That makes sense why he would support Trump, especially if he knows Trump. | ||
| But if you can't see that, I mean, if you have a problem with that, and many people would, right? | ||
| Many people would have a problem with that. | ||
| Like, that's a different thing. | ||
| But if you hear what people are saying, they're saying if you support Trump, that you support racists. | ||
| You support white nationalists. | ||
| And I think you're leaving so many people out of the conversation when you do that. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, the guy got, what was it, 62 million people to vote for him. | ||
| So if you're saying anyone who supports him is some type of Nazi white nationalist, then we got bigger problems. | ||
| But you're saying the whole country should break up. | ||
| No one knows the definition of those things anymore. | ||
| When Milo used to talk about Milo, when he came on, the things he was called that just, like, on paper couldn't even apply to be. | ||
| Would never be accepted into being a Nazi or a white supremacist. | ||
| Do you guys remember when we were kids we read about McCarthyism and the Red Scare? | ||
| We always thought, like, God, we're past that. | ||
| That kind of shit's never going to happen again. | ||
| But what that is is like a symptom of people worried about people defecting from their tribe or turning on their tribe. | ||
| And we have this, like, built-in fear of this kind of shit happening. | ||
| Well, there's that aspect to it, right? | ||
| It's the people who are worried about people defecting. | ||
| And then you have the opportunists who can play off that and go, instead of having to win an argument or having to convince people, I'm just going to say, you're with the other tribe. | ||
| You're in this bad group. | ||
| So don't even talk to that person anymore. | ||
| Don't even listen to what they have to say. | ||
| And if you're in one tribe on every issue, you're a fucking dolt. | ||
| That's what I was going to say. | ||
| Why do you have to be so defined by your tribe? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like... | ||
| I would love to hear the argument about what it does good for him for his real estate ventures. | ||
| I would love to hear it like an honestly laid out argument of why someone like Trump's better if you're a real estate developer and it might be a significant part of his business. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not being an apologize and he might not people people also will just like there's this weird Thing where people think that business owners and people that make a lot of money are inherently bad But it's like I don't know dude just because somebody's really good and really successful. | ||
| He's got kids He wants to feed he has grandkids. | ||
| He wants to watch grow up and go to college. | ||
| It's like I don't know I don't think this is necessarily just bad people that have a lot of money. | ||
| I think that there's a lot of good people that have a lot of money as well, and I think they do a lot of good shit. | ||
| Well, I just, you know, whenever someone gets really upset about an issue, you always have to wonder, like, how much of it going in there was, I mean, what is upsetting to you? | ||
| Is it upsetting to you that anyone who supports Trump, like, Trump represents all the things that are wrong with America today in terms like white nationalists and terrorist attacks and mass shootings and... | ||
| Misogyny. | ||
| Yeah, misogyny, keeping the immigrants out and being mean and being America first. | ||
| Like, fuck, it's, uh... | ||
| It's one of those things today where if you support any part of that, even if it's good for your business, you're just a magnet for fucking people who are angry at all the things. | ||
| Well, that whole list was ridiculous. | ||
| It was like Chick-fil-A, McDonald's, like, yeah, man. | ||
| Big businesses? | ||
| Big successful businesses? | ||
| Surprise, surprise. | ||
| Light bulbs. | ||
| The number's crazy, right? | ||
| Electricity. | ||
| A lot of big businesses support Trump. | ||
| But isn't it so weird how people project their own thing onto the situation? | ||
| Because even like that, you just said what everyone hates about Trump. | ||
| But the people who support Trump, they're not even on the other side of those issues. | ||
| It's not like they're like, no, we are pro-white nationalists. | ||
| They just see him as a completely different thing. | ||
| They're like making the country great and jobs and draining the swamp and all these other things. | ||
| People are looking at the same thing and seeing very different realities. | ||
| Yeah, they are. | ||
| And people are going in with their preconceived bias and getting them confirmed. | ||
| Even with the way you looked at the Mueller report, the Republicans looked at it as a victory and the Democrats looked at it as some sort of an open door to impeachment. | ||
| Yeah, but that was, I don't know. | ||
| If the thing starts off with every day you're hearing on the news that the president is colluding with a hostile foreign power, he's a Russian puppet, he's working with Vladimir Putin, and then by the end you're like, we have to impeach him because he thought about obstructing the investigation that he was declared not guilty, and it's like, this is getting weird. | ||
| You guys were going to be upset no matter what you found. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Dave loves Trump. | ||
| It's what I'm trying to say. | ||
| Sounds like he does. | ||
| I'm going hard Nazi this time. | ||
| I'm not coming back on the show. | ||
| I'm going hard this time. | ||
| The fucked up part is only having really two choices. | ||
| Like we're scrambling to see who's choice number two. | ||
| Who's going to be the one that opposes Trump? | ||
| And you're seeing people starting to crack under pressure. | ||
| Like re-entry pressure. | ||
| They're trying to figure out who's going to be. | ||
| Ben Glebe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| Imagine. | ||
| Imagine we all doubted him. | ||
| If he gets through and becomes president, we'll be fucked. | ||
| When you look at the people that are in line, though, does anybody stand out that you would think would be able to... | ||
| Well, I don't know how much of a realistic shot, but who I... I love Tulsi Gabbard. | ||
| I sent her money twice already. | ||
| And I disagree with her on like 80% of her shit. | ||
| She's a real interesting person. | ||
| She really is. | ||
| And she's dead on about the war stuff, and she's, you know... | ||
| Yeah, about Medicare. | ||
| She's dead on about a lot of things. | ||
| She's kind of hot. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Dave didn't agree with something about Medicare? | ||
| No, I don't like her Medicare stuff, but the most important thing that she leads with is the war stuff. | ||
| And she's got a great position where she did two tours in Iraq. | ||
| She's still active duty. | ||
| And so, you know, like the normal, like, comeback is like, oh, you're against the wars. | ||
| It's like, well, you're just kind of a wimp. | ||
| Or you wouldn't want to protect the country. | ||
| And she's like, no, asshole. | ||
| I actually went. | ||
| I'm the one who's willing to go die for this. | ||
| And I'm telling you, we shouldn't be dying for this. | ||
| What was her job over there though? | ||
| Oh, it was serious. | ||
| She was in a medical unit. | ||
| So she was like dealing with the people who actually seen the worst part. | ||
| But not like infantry, though. | ||
| No, she was making breakfast. | ||
| She was dealing with the results of infantry. | ||
| Was it Edge of Tomorrow? | ||
| Was it Tom Cruise? | ||
| It was her job to clean up the DVDs. | ||
| That's a hot subject, right? | ||
| Women in combat. | ||
| I got a bunch of shit about making jokes about saying I don't understand what a girl... | ||
| I watch the show Cops a lot, and I don't understand what a girl cop has ever done in a situation that's hostile except for make the perp get much more hurt, shot, or tased because she's in the way of it happening. | ||
| And people got really upset about me saying that, but it really... | ||
| I don't understand why you'd send a woman to a major fight happening at the mall. | ||
| Get down there, ladies. | ||
| It really is like a bizarre... | ||
| The physical... | ||
| With some cops... | ||
| The physical aspect of an altercation is going to be a real problem. | ||
| For males and females. | ||
| It doesn't have to be a female thing. | ||
| You can just say you can't have a 110-pound person go and be the physical authority in a situation that can go over the top. | ||
| No, but if you're a 110-pound guy, I'm going to call you a chick. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| There's a terrible video of this guy getting pulled over by this lady and his daughter is in the car and the guy was a criminal apparently and the lady cop was calling it in and the guy punches her and gets her down on the ground. | ||
| She knocks her out close. | ||
| It's an old video. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And starts punching her face. | ||
| And the daughter's screaming, stop it daddy, stop it daddy. | ||
| And he beats the fuck out of this lady cop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're like, this is why it's a problem. | ||
| This lady cop's by herself, and she's got a gun, but she doesn't have the gun out of the holster pointed at the guy. | ||
| It's a routine traffic stop, and that guy pummels her, man. | ||
| It's horrible to watch. | ||
| Yeah, it's a routine. | ||
| Me saying the idea is not like, fuck chicks. | ||
| I'm just like, don't send them out to get hurt in these things. | ||
| I don't understand why. | ||
| It's not necessary. | ||
| That was your daughter, and you saw your daughter beaten half-dead because someone thought it was okay for her to be by herself amongst big, giant criminals. | ||
| Typically, they don't match up female cops, though, right? | ||
| I'm assuming most of the time they put a... | ||
| This was a girl by herself. | ||
| Well, that's also crazy. | ||
| You could be on patrol by yourself as a girl cop, just like walking around a neighborhood or something, for sure. | ||
| But I've seen videos where it's like a dude and a chick partners, and the cop gets in a fight with another guy, and it's basically just two men fighting with this woman kind of grabbing an arm here or there, and it's almost a liability. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like your girlfriend's screaming behind you, kick his ass, bitch! | |
| Kick his ass, bitch! | ||
| She might try to hit the guy with a brick and hit you. | ||
| That would be... | ||
| She's pointing the mace at herself. | ||
| Get the fuck off of him! | ||
| There's a lot of men that would fall apart in that job, too. | ||
| 100 men. | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
| I think any small... | ||
| Whether it's a woman or a man, any person who's not a large person, who's not physically strong, who's by themselves as a cop is in danger. | ||
| Anyone. | ||
| Doesn't matter if you're a male or if you're a 150-pound man. | ||
| Same deal. | ||
| You're in trouble. | ||
| Unless you're a really good martial artist who can grab a gun quickly and you know how to respond to pressure. | ||
| I feel like 99% of women, I could take a gun right out of their hands. | ||
| I have no training, but I feel like, give me a check, she can point a gun right at my head. | ||
| 99% of the time, I'm fucking taking it and pointing it right back at her. | ||
| That said, I should make clear that myself, I'm nowhere near as tough as I think you should need to be to be a cop. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I would never assume that of myself either, so I'm not saying it. | ||
| Dude, I've been doing martial arts my whole life. | ||
| I wouldn't want to be a cop. | ||
| I don't want to be a cop. | ||
| It's a crazy situation. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's a hard job. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| You're supposed to have to be brave. | ||
| Well, not only that, man, do you know how much PTSD those guys are dealing with that is unrecognized? | ||
| If every day you're pulling people over that might shoot you, every day you're dealing with someone who's robbing something or stealing something or trying to kill somebody or did kill somebody, every fucking day. | ||
| I see a lot of cops saying shit, though, yeah. | ||
| Some of them aren't. | ||
| But look, you're wearing a uniform that makes you the enemy. | ||
| You're also the person with power, and you've got to realize how fucking corrupt that is. | ||
| That you're able to yell at people and force people in these situations and cuff them and fuck with them. | ||
| And you've got to know when to abuse it and when to use it. | ||
| gentle public like nastiness because they can yeah guys walk guys do walk walk if you're in their way like in a personal way if you're just blocking their path where a normal person would go excuse me guys because they're going to go walk guys walk let's go because they turn around oh Yeah, but sometimes they don't have time. | ||
| Look, benefit of the doubt, right? | ||
| They're in Times Square. | ||
| They're dealing with a lot of people. | ||
| There's just not time for the nuance of— I'm not talking about circumstances. | ||
| I'm talking about in just a thing like that. | ||
| The same way they put on their lights to go through a red light just to get—because they don't want to wait at it. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen a million examples of that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's just power. | ||
| Human beings don't do well with authority mixed with impunity. | ||
| So, like, a cop can say that to you and nothing happens to them. | ||
| If there's no repercussions and you have power, people tend to end up being dead. | ||
| Remember that guy, Jimmy Justice? | ||
| I had a job as a security guard for a brief moment in time when I was, like, 19 years old. | ||
| And there was an us versus them mentality between the security and the people with the concert goers. | ||
| That was... | ||
| Clearly evident one of the first days I was working there this guy's name was alley cat security and Some dude had stole one of the golf carts so the golf cart one of them electric golf carts for security So they tackle this dude off the golf cart and he smashes him in the head with a fucking walkie-talkie It's like a crazy fight with some drunken asshole who's like violent and stole a golf cart That was like the first day there First or second day there on the job. | ||
| I was like, okay, so this is what's going on. | ||
| And it became people trying to sneak booze into Great Woods and then us. | ||
| And so it was this us versus them mentality. | ||
| And everybody was lying to you. | ||
| And that was the silliest job. | ||
| I'm doing security at a fucking Bill Cosby show, literally. | ||
| I was doing security. | ||
| I was taking people's booze away. | ||
| Joe, what did you let happen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're crazy, right? | |
| Jesus Christ, Joe. | ||
| You could have stepped in and stopped them. | ||
| Talk about falling asleep on the job. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| It's such a simple little job. | ||
| It's easy. | ||
| There's no criminals there. | ||
| There's no bank robbers there. | ||
| There's no murderers there. | ||
| It's just that little situation. | ||
| Of us versus them with the liquor and them trying to smuggle in pot and liquor. | ||
| Just that led to this huge fucking rift between the security people and the way they thought of as customers. | ||
| And it's funny because, again, it's too much of a human emotion in it that something should be a job. | ||
| Because even if you don't care if people, when you're not working, you're trying to get beer and weed into a concert. | ||
| It's just that these are your opponents right now and they're trying to fuck with you. | ||
| Even though some of you were like... | ||
| You'd go like, I don't care if you guys smoke weed. | ||
| You're like, no, but I have to say you can't smoke weed. | ||
| And then when they do it anyway, you're like, I just fucking said you can't smoke weed. | ||
| It's like testing your manhood almost. | ||
| It's too much human emotion in that. | ||
| They made a movie on Netflix about that experiment. | ||
| What college was it? | ||
| It's like a famous story. | ||
| No, it's Princeton. | ||
| The Princeton prison. | ||
| Or no, Stanford. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm sorry. | |
| Stanford Prison Experiment. | ||
| You know, I read something debunking that. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Yeah, they said the methodology was all wrong on it or something. | ||
| It's not a legit study. | ||
| They also said that people were doing things just to end the study quickly because they wanted to go home. | ||
| They did that in the movie, though. | ||
| They broke that down. | ||
| They showed that side of it. | ||
| I guess the guy who made the experiment said, yeah, it's a wash. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The end of it was like it wasn't actually good data, but it was interesting. | ||
| And I do believe that... | ||
| What's the Stanford experience? | ||
| It's a prison experience. | ||
| Students pretended to be... | ||
| Some pretended to be criminals, some pretended to be security guards. | ||
| Oh, and then they started getting corrupt. | ||
| Prisoners and security guards. | ||
| The power positions became corrupt. | ||
| And one of the interesting things is that the professor becomes like the warden, and he gets into it too. | ||
| They got it on video and stuff and he's like walking around with his chest out and he's all in. | ||
| It's just people, they fall into these roles, into these camps and the authority goes to people's head. | ||
| It creates a weird dynamic. | ||
| Think about how many dickhead cops people have met. | ||
| That's just a thing that happens. | ||
| But it also makes it very nice when you run into friendly cops. | ||
| It's like, wow, what a good dude. | ||
| It's almost like training the human interaction. | ||
| So when they act like a dick and people act a certain way and they move and they get a little bit nervous, it's like, oh, that's intoxicating. | ||
| They're like, oh, that feels good. | ||
| That power right there. | ||
| No repercussions for your behavior, the way you're talking. | ||
| You could just do that with impunity. | ||
| You just nailed it. | ||
| That's exactly what it is. | ||
| That's not a normal situation for people. | ||
| I mean, it's state versus business, if you ask me. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| Oh, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Look, if you walk into the Apple store, they can't do that because you're a voluntary customer. | ||
| So if they treat you the wrong way, there's a repercussion right there. | ||
| You're like, well, walk out of here. | ||
| Go next door. | ||
| Like Starbucks with the black dudes and how they're homeless camps now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It doesn't always work out, Jack. | ||
| At least they're not shooting people. | ||
| But cell phones have become their great equalizer because now you see cops, they're walking on eggshells, dude. | ||
| People want their cell phones now and they're like, what up, bitch-ass pussy cop? | ||
| And the cop's like, well, I guess I'm a bitch-ass pussy. | ||
| Did you see the video in New York? | ||
| As soon as the battery runs out on that cell phone, I'm going to shoot you in the stomach. | ||
| Dude, did you see the video in New York where they're throwing water on the cops? | ||
| And the cops just aren't doing shit. | ||
| And I don't know, I think it was, it might have been in Harlem or something, isn't it like a black neighborhood in New York? | ||
| They're dumping water on the cops and everyone's got a cell phone camera on them. | ||
| And you know in any other period of time, these cops would just be beating the shit out of everyone there. | ||
| But they're throwing water balloons at him and shit, and they're just sitting there like, we know. | ||
| I'm going to be in the news tomorrow. | ||
| I'm going to be, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I'll be a famous cop. | ||
| Dude, that cop definitely goes home that night and, like, shadowbubble two nightsticks. | ||
| Just practicing, like, a last dragon circle fight that he was in that day. | ||
| Man, that happened tomorrow. | ||
| He shadowboxed for two hours at home and he goes, pour water on me? | ||
| Here's some water for you, dude. | ||
| And all these guys, a lot of them have been on the force for 15 years, 20 years, so they've been doing things a certain way for so long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm so close to my pension. | |
| Did you guys ever see The 7-5? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| You interviewed the guy. | ||
| You interviewed him, didn't you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Is he likable? | ||
| Yeah, very nice guy. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Michael Dowd? | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Michael Dowd. | ||
| Michael Dowd. | ||
| I didn't see it. | ||
| It's an excellent documentary. | ||
| It's Dowd. | ||
| It might be Dowd, yeah. | ||
| It's Dowd. | ||
| Yeah, you know, he's great. | ||
| He's a really nice guy. | ||
| I mean, he's super open and honest about what happened, and the documentary is fucking compelling as shit. | ||
| And you realize how much of it was true. | ||
| I feel like he's not remorseful at all. | ||
| That's what I find unlikable. | ||
| That he's not remorseful? | ||
| I think he's remorseful. | ||
| He is? | ||
| Yeah, look. | ||
| He just has that voice? | ||
| Just doing coke all day long, every day, as a cop, and making all this money and driving a Corvette. | ||
| He was out of control. | ||
| And he was on the area where he was, the 75th precinct, I think it's East New York, Brooklyn, at the height of the New York... | ||
| This was like the murder... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Neighborhood, capital. | ||
| Like, it was a wild thing. | ||
| Yeah, but they were in the chain of a lot of those murders. | ||
| That's what I think is, like, crazy about it. | ||
| Well, they were never convicted of a murder, right? | ||
| There was no evidence. | ||
| I think almost admittedly that he was kind of, he's like, I mean, of course, like... | ||
| But there was a talk about doing one, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it never happened. | ||
| The whole fucking thing is crazy. | ||
| But what it tells you, I mean, forget about... | ||
| Our judgments on, you know, the people that were in it. | ||
| What it tells you is that this can happen. | ||
| To someone who just becomes a cop, you get on the force. | ||
| If it's a bad force, like it was at the time with him, and he's seeing corruption from day one. | ||
| I mean, it was just like he was roped into it, like, right away when you listen to his story. | ||
| It's pretty fucking compelling. | ||
| This is like the first day on the job. | ||
| Like, something happened. | ||
| They threw a guy off a building or something like that? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Yeah, but it was... | ||
| And then there's just money right there that you could take. | ||
| You're like, I can just have this. | ||
| No one will know. | ||
| There's 50 G's here. | ||
| I could just take this home and like, oh, we didn't find anything. | ||
| It's very telling of the personality that becomes a cop, though, because they're not even worried that people are going to... | ||
| It's amazing that no one whistleblows so much earlier than that because one person comes in and goes, no, guys, we're supposed to be... | ||
| Fucking believing in this badge. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They all go, what do we do? | ||
| Are we good cops or bad cops? | ||
| We're robbing drug dealers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think they can morally justify it though. | |
| So I don't think that, honestly, to be honest, I have almost no problem with cops skimming off the top from drug dealer money. | ||
| I mean, what do you want me to fucking say? | ||
| We're just giving it to the government? | ||
| Why does the government get to have the money and these cops who are putting their lives... | ||
| But wait a minute, not if they're arresting people for drugs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, if you're going to do that and you're going to just ignore everyone else who's selling coke, okay. | ||
| But if you're going to do that and arrest people for selling coke, then you're a criminal. | ||
| Then you're like... | ||
| If you get caught, you should be arrested. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the repercussion. | ||
| I don't have a moral issue with it. | ||
| If he found $50,000, only reported $40,000, put $10,000 in his pocket, brought it home to his wife and kids, I don't really have a moral issue with that. | ||
| What if he brought it home to just fucking pay for his backed up like porn bill or something? | ||
| We just brought him the fuck around. | ||
| No, Jay, they won't let you go that long. | ||
| If you want to get reinstated, there's fees. | ||
| If he got arrested, I wouldn't go, oh, poor fucking guy. | ||
| I'd go, yeah, dude, that's the price you pay. | ||
| You committed a crime. | ||
| But from my personal perspective, I don't think he's a piece of shit. | ||
| I don't think he's a bad person. | ||
| I think it's probably stupid if he doesn't. | ||
| Look, the cycle of people and drugs is never-ending. | ||
| It will go on to the end of time. | ||
| The cycle of making drugs illegal and propping up gigantic criminal enterprises because of that is also as old as we've had laws. | ||
| As long as we've had laws, we've had people breaking those laws, and if those laws exist because someone wants to control people's behavior in a way that people don't want, folks are going to find a workaround. | ||
| But drugs empowers the Mexican cartels right now. | ||
| And the Mexican cartels are a huge source of fear for people that live in the border towns. | ||
| It's a huge source of fear for people that are forced to be in communities. | ||
| And it's propped up because drugs are illegal. | ||
| Nobody seems to want to recognize that. | ||
| It's one of those ugly things about being a human. | ||
| That, like, people want drugs. | ||
| And you can't tell them they can't have what they want. | ||
| Yeah, especially since immigration became such a huge thing that everyone's talking about, and that's like the biggest part of it that no one talks about. | ||
| It's like the violence, and it's like, well, there's people on this side of this line who want the drugs. | ||
| There's people on this side of the line who have the drugs. | ||
| And even with all the shit you're doing, they're still trading them to each other. | ||
| So do you really think maybe we should just let them do it? | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| We don't want anybody to do it, rightly so. | ||
| I mean, look, you don't want anybody running around doing heroin. | ||
| And nobody gets through that and goes, it was amazing. | ||
| One of my best moments in life is when I was addicted to heroin. | ||
| Yeah, but even if you do it one time, I bet it's pretty fucking dope. | ||
| I bet it's amazing, but it's hard to let it go once you've experienced it. | ||
| It's probably fucking incredible. | ||
| Lenny Bruce had some crazy description of it about something about being hugged by an angel or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, Mike DeStefano, who died a few years ago in a New York comic, he had a joke. | ||
| He was like, you know how great heroin is? | ||
| It's like taking a bath in a pool full of kittens. | ||
| Metzger had that joke about it where he says when the families of people go, he goes, I don't understand why he would do heroin. | ||
| He's got a family that loves him and kids who look up to him and love him. | ||
| Like, why would he do heroin? | ||
| He goes, I want to tell that family, like, you're just so close to the answer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just that heroin is better than all those things. | |
| That is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, I don't think people should do it. | ||
| But if you make it illegal... | ||
| They're not going to stop doing it. | ||
| The question would be, would people do more of it if it was legal? | ||
| If you could just go to a drugstore the same way you go to a liquor store, and a drugstore was actually a drugstore, where you could just go buy Coke. | ||
| And they might. | ||
| Well, look, in LA, I do think more people are smoking weed since weed became legal. | ||
| That'd be my guess. | ||
| I don't actually have data on that. | ||
| Let's find out what the date is. | ||
| I'm sure it's fine. | ||
| But even if that's the case, I don't know if that's the answer. | ||
| Because let's say even slightly more people did heroin, but way less people got murdered. | ||
| What's that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do your heroin... | |
| What? | ||
| Jamie just took heroin. | ||
| It had nothing to do with heroin. | ||
| Do people smoke weed more? | ||
| Do people smoke weed more since legalization? | ||
| Well, that was the most hilarious not-remember-what we were talking about. | ||
| It's gotten cheaper, it's easier to get, it's better, it's more fun, it's in candy form, it's in fucking... | ||
| I think an 18-year-old is more likely to definitely give it a try versus maybe would've. | ||
| When I got to meet for the first time, I was 17 years old. | ||
| I had my Uncle Raymond buy it for us. | ||
| He skimmed off the bag, I remember. | ||
| And he brought us a fucking dime bag. | ||
| And me and my two best friends, we smoked a joint before we were going to see System of a Down, Incubus, and Mr. Bungle at Snowcore. | ||
| You're Puerto Rican, so what's your uncle like two years older than you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that why he did that? | |
| He's your bro. | ||
| The night before we wanted to smoke, and it took us... | ||
| There was no way to get it. | ||
| We were trying to find weed for so long because we weren't in that world. | ||
| The first time you go to get weed, if you could just go to a store and pick it up, and it's fun, and it's like at a mall. | ||
| I mean, yeah. | ||
| Astronomical. | ||
| But, you know, I love weed, so I'm not hating. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Well, it was hard to get on the East Coast. | ||
| I mean, it's just trickier. | ||
| Out here, but since the 90s, once they passed those laws for medical, everybody had a medical card. | ||
| It's not hard to get at all. | ||
| The doctors were extremely unscrupulous in their prescriptions. | ||
| So everybody's had weed out here since the fucking 90s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, strong, strong, easy to get weed. | ||
| Yeah, but now they don't give you shit if you smoke, like, outside. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You can smoke it like a cigarette now. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I don't think you can smoke it outside. | ||
| I still think you have to be indoors. | ||
| I think smoking outside, the problem is other people can smell it, and you're not supposed to do that. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| I think in Denver, it's like nine feet from an entrance you could smoke weed. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I smoke vape, I mean, everywhere. | ||
| Inside of a movie theater, as I'm walking through a mall. | ||
| I go to the bathroom at the airport and I smoke. | ||
| Yes, that's what ethnics do. | ||
| They challenge everyone by being big and alpha in a place like that. | ||
| Starbucks, I don't buy anything. | ||
| Yeah, I'm smoking, what? | ||
| Ethnics. | ||
| He only keeps me around so he can be racist. | ||
| I go, what do you mean? | ||
| My dentist is black? | ||
| Lewis? | ||
| Black dentist would be hilarious. | ||
| He's got gold teeth. | ||
| Snoop's got diamond lower teeth now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Oh, man. | ||
| Snoop Dogg. | ||
| Diamond studded or made of diamonds? | ||
| Them crazy grilled diamond things. | ||
| But he's in this video where he's driving around on his Instagram in a Lamborghini with diamond lower teeth. | ||
| 50 years old, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| 50 years old with diamond teeth. | ||
| He's living it, man. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He spends most of his time getting furious at video games online. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah, he just yells about Madden. | ||
| He did a UFC thing for a minute, right? | ||
| He was commentating with your eye favor. | ||
| With your eye favor, yeah. | ||
| They would drink and watch the fights. | ||
| So he was drinking like Tangeray and smoking joints and watching the fights. | ||
| Oh, these white boys tough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, because what it was, was there was some commentary that he did just independently on one fight, and it was so hilarious, because he's so animated, screaming and yelling about this fight, that everybody thought, like, wow, wouldn't it be great if there was an option to watch the Snoop Dogg commentary? | ||
| Yeah, on demand, you could click over to the Snoop Dogg version, that's right, and it was probably, I don't know, I've never watched it, but I assume it was fucking horrific. | ||
| Oh, they're going north-south. | ||
| Yeah, he got his dizzle in his midsle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they just, they... | |
| I guess they got bored with it. | ||
| They got bored doing it or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It stopped. | ||
| Maybe Snoop's fucking busy. | ||
| He doesn't have time to be doing that all the time. | ||
| He's like Mike Tyson, too, in the sense that I remember when he was scary. | ||
| I hear this. | ||
| Let's listen to this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| It was Colby. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Fuck Donald Trump, nigga! | ||
| This is where he thought it was Colby. | ||
| He thought it was Colby. | ||
| This was a big thing. | ||
| That's right, he thought it was Colby, but it was a man from a completely different part of the world. | ||
| Fuck Donald Trump! | ||
| That is hilarious. | ||
| He thought it was Colby. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Holy shit, he was getting some booze the other night, huh? | ||
| Dude, that guy here is cha-ching! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| When those people are booing. | ||
| It's emotion, dude. | ||
| Emotion. | ||
| You want to get the emotion out of people. | ||
| Whether it's good or bad, it doesn't fucking matter. | ||
| They want to see him fight and they want to see him lose. | ||
| He's going heel. | ||
| He went heel. | ||
| Listen, he's a good guy. | ||
| I'm telling you, I know that guy. | ||
| I've met him outside of this crazy thing that he's doing. | ||
| And this crazy thing that he's doing came about when he was on the verge of getting cut. | ||
| And people didn't like his style. | ||
| And so he went hard heel when he fought Damien Maia. | ||
| He went hard heel. | ||
| Well, Chael did a similar thing. | ||
| Chael wasn't the big mouth guy back in the day. | ||
| No, he was not. | ||
| Yeah, and he just made a decision one day that he's going to be that dude. | ||
| Was it right at the Anderson fight? | ||
| Fucking great marketing decision. | ||
| Smart. | ||
| Very smart. | ||
| And Colby, too. | ||
| But also, Colby, something happened as well. | ||
| He's really exciting, dude. | ||
| That last fight was incredible, dude. | ||
| But yeah, Colby is definitely contrived. | ||
| I appreciate the effort. | ||
| But it's effective. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, the thing about it being contrived is it makes it obvious that he's putting on a show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the thing is that putting on a show is fucking, he's ruthless. | ||
| He fucks with people's heads legitimately. | ||
| Like, they do not want to lose to him. | ||
| And then when you get inside the octagon, he's really fucking good. | ||
| Like, really fucking good. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't realize how good he was until the Robbie Lawler fight. | ||
| You see the amount of strikes of that guy? | ||
| Yeah, all volume, and then he's unbelievable wrestling. | ||
| It's a really, really, really tough matchup for anybody. | ||
| And Colby is, it is an act, and it is pro wrestling. | ||
| He puts on the Trump hat, and people just see that hat, and they lose their fucking mind. | ||
| And he trolls half the country. | ||
| And it's a similar thing when businesses do it. | ||
| I'm going like, guys, don't be rubes. | ||
| It's very obvious that it's just an act. | ||
| And if you're a fan of mixed martial arts, you have to appreciate the fact that some guys are taking chances and trying to generate interest. | ||
| Every guy can't just be put on a suit and be straight placed. | ||
| Yeah, I respect my opponent. | ||
| At some point you want a little story, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he makes it juicier. | ||
| But the bottom line is, put all that shit aside, and just look at what he's doing. | ||
| You look at what he's doing, and you're like, that guy's extraordinary. | ||
| Like, the fact that he could do that to Robbie Lawler, completely shut down his offense, and just put a beating on him, just stay on top of him, never give him any air. | ||
| Never give him any air. | ||
| The pace is smothering. | ||
| And his striking looked really good. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| I mean, like, very, very good in that fight. | ||
| He takes a shot, he takes a shot great, and his cardio is off the fucking charts. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That whole 170 right now, that whole division is looking crazy right now. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, Nate Diaz being back in the mix, and Masvidal. | ||
| Masvidal and Nate seems like, if you're a fan of just like, if you're from a poor neighborhood, that is like the superstar matchup. | ||
| I grew up in such a shitty environment. | ||
| That was like the perfect two hoodrat fucking guys who are going to talk shit. | ||
| They're going to go in there and fight. | ||
| It's so awesome. | ||
| They're going to make so much money. | ||
| That's why it's going to be so giant. | ||
| Well, it was cool that Dana White at the post-fight press conference, he got asked, because, you know, he had famously said, I think, once that Nate Diaz doesn't move the needle, or something like along those lines. | ||
| That was during negotiations, I guarantee. | ||
| Yeah, I'm sure it was. | ||
| But he basically said, he goes, I think Nate, besides Conor and Ronda Rousey, is like about as big a star. | ||
| As MMA has. | ||
| Like, they did crazy good numbers. | ||
| Everyone, the arena was going nuts for him. | ||
| Dude, when he walked out yesterday, or Saturday night, when he walked out, the fucking place roared. | ||
| I mean, as loud as anybody, as loud as any main event person, whether it's Stipe or DC, Nate Diaz got the biggest roar. | ||
| And then he had a great performance. | ||
| Well, even leading up to it, people were talking about Nate coming back more than they were talking about the heavyweight title. | ||
| I don't think some people in the UFC realize how big a star he really is. | ||
| I think they thought that the Conor fight, Conor was the big star, Nate beat him, Conor won the second fight, Conor still remains the big superstar. | ||
| I think Nate is equally as big a star in America as Conor is. | ||
| Maybe, I don't know what worldwide is like, but in America, Nate Diaz is a giant fucking star. | ||
| Maybe not as big as Conor, but a tier below maybe. | ||
| You have to credit Conor levels. | ||
| And you have to say he won the two fights. | ||
| I mean, who would you rather be in the two fights? | ||
| I mean, he choked Conor out face down in the first one and then had like a razor close, unbelievable, great fight the second time. | ||
| So, I mean, he comes out of that looking pretty good. | ||
| Yeah, but I think it's a testament to how popular Conor is, because that's the fucking Conor shine. | ||
| And it was a dance, and Nate brought it, and Nate has that story, the one-on-one fight. | ||
| It's turned him into this star. | ||
| But if he never danced with Conor, would he be that big today? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| No, because Nate was awesome for years before the Conor fight. | ||
| Yeah, he's incredible. | ||
| He's the fucking man, dude. | ||
| The double middle fingers. | ||
| There's so many moments where you're like, I get goosebumps thinking about Nate's fighting. | ||
| That's your favorite part. | ||
| When he's like, These are the fingers that take... | ||
| That's your favorite. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| I love when he said, fuck you. | ||
| Dude, when he got in the triangle and gave him double... | ||
| It was the fucking best, dude. | ||
| He gave him double fingers and flexed. | ||
| And he was losing that fight, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was great. | ||
| Oh, and then the Donald Cerrone fight, third round they come out. | ||
| It was so fucking good, dude. | ||
| Once again, you don't have to be a mixed martial arts fan. | ||
| You just got to be a human and go like, that's a fucking fighter. | ||
| That is something that everyone wants to watch. | ||
| Well, I hope he makes an actual belt because he's saying he's got the baddest motherfucker in the game belt and who wants to be next to challenge for the baddest motherfucker in the game belt. | ||
| And I love that. | ||
| I love that that's his marketing strategy. | ||
| He should really legitimately get a belt made up to say, baddest motherfucker in the game belt. | ||
| I'm sure someone will send it to him. | ||
| Make it look like the old UFC belt. | ||
| UFC isn't using that old belt anymore. | ||
| How about you have a UFC baddest motherfucker in the game belt and just change the outside a little bit. | ||
| Was he smoking weed for real? | ||
| Yes, in the open workouts. | ||
| Is he going to get in trouble for that? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's totally legal in California. | ||
| And when you test, you have to literally be high while you're fighting for you to test positive. | ||
| You sort of dropped it all way, way down. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| Well, so many people use it to sleep. | ||
| So many people use it for pain reliefs, particularly with CBD when it's one-to-one. | ||
| These are one-to-one THC and CBD, and they think that it's actually more effective for both. | ||
| It actually calms you down a little bit with the CBD along with the THC, so it might actually alleviate some anxiety that's associated with getting too high. | ||
| Wouldn't that make sense? | ||
| Because that's how it comes in the plant, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| Except I think CBD, it doesn't come in as big. | ||
| So to get one and one, you'd have to... | ||
| When you smoke a joint, how much CBD you're smoking? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I have no clue. | ||
| Do you even get CBD when you just smoke a joint? | ||
| Yeah, I've never heard of CBD until it wasn't in the joint anymore. | ||
| It's by itself. | ||
| Well, THC is one of many, many cannabinoids, right? | ||
| Isn't there like 19 of them or something crazy like that? | ||
| Is that what it is, Jamie? | ||
| 18. Yeah, that's... | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It's... | ||
| I think the plant itself is what's magic. | ||
| It's a crazy goddamn plant that we're finally getting to appreciate. | ||
| And still, there's a lot of places where you still have to buy hemp from Canada. | ||
| Large-scale hemp production hasn't really caught on with a good percentage of this country. | ||
| That used to be one of the major crops that people would grow. | ||
| You could make clothes out of it. | ||
| You could eat it. | ||
| It makes this shit called... | ||
| Hempcrete. | ||
| It's like this insanely durable concrete that's made with hemp. | ||
| It's a fucking nutty plant, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Like the stalk of a hemp tree. | ||
| Like my friend Todd McCormick had one sitting on his desk once. | ||
| And you pick it up, it's like, what is this, from another world? | ||
| It's hard, like oak. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hard. | |
| But light as balsa wood. | ||
| Light as styrofoam. | ||
| Wait, is a hemp plant different than weed? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, the difference is hemp is not psychoactive. | ||
| It's like a psychoactive form of the same sort of kind of plants. | ||
| But regular marijuana also is hemp, right? | ||
| Because what hemp is is the fibers. | ||
| So what we're using to get high is the buds. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The stems and all the other leaves and shit. | ||
| But the fiber of the plant itself is insanely durable and really light. | ||
| And that's the shit they turn into clothes, into string, into all this, into paper, canvas. | ||
| The first canvas was made with hemp. | ||
| All that stuff. | ||
| That's why the word cannabis comes from cannabis. | ||
| That's why it's called cannabis. | ||
| But they did everything with hemp. | ||
| But it's just hard to do, man. | ||
| They used to have to beat it down. | ||
| They used slave labor most of the time. | ||
| And then in the 1930s, some dude came up with something called a decorticator. | ||
| It is a machine where you could effectively process the hemp fiber. | ||
| And that's when they started going crazy with the reefer madness shit. | ||
| It was all an economic thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| Then the slaves smoked it. | ||
| Jazz. | ||
| And then jazz. | ||
| They already had it. | ||
| Everybody was already doing it. | ||
| I mean, that was something that was a normal thing with people. | ||
| It wasn't until they decided to make it illegal that it became this weird fucking thing that nobody could do something that they've been doing for so long before. | ||
| Aren't they making mushrooms and acid legal somewhere in the States? | ||
| In Denver, I think they were. | ||
| Stipe Miocic, fucking heavyweight champ of the world, just called. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Name-dropping. | ||
| Yeah, he looks great. | ||
| Fuck, what a crazy fight. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Did I read that somewhere? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| They're doing it? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I mean, that guy... | ||
| It was like a Rocky movie, just the change. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The turn in that fight was so crazy. | ||
| Look, DC is my very good friend. | ||
| I love him to death. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| It's hard watching a friend that you really love get his ass kicked. | ||
| And that's what happened. | ||
| He was looking great. | ||
| Yeah, he looked really good. | ||
| Look, he's an awesome person, man. | ||
| I love that dude. | ||
| And doing commentary with him is the most hilarious, fun time. | ||
| He's such a good guy. | ||
| He's great at commentary. | ||
| He's very, very articulate and smart. | ||
| He's one of the best that does it. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It sucks. | ||
| It's just you see the pain on his face when he loses a fight. | ||
| He does not like losing. | ||
| Of course he doesn't, but neither does Stipe, you know what I mean? | ||
| And that's what it's all about. | ||
| Those two guys, I have deep respect for Stipe, too. | ||
| I've been saying forever that I thought it was fucked up that he was not going to get a title shot, not going to get a rematch. | ||
| Instead, they were going to have him fight Brock Lesnar. | ||
| I'm like, look, the fight is supposed to be Stipe. | ||
| He was the most successful heavyweight ever, won four title fights, won the title, and then defended it three times. | ||
| No one's ever done that before. | ||
| So that was the giant... | ||
| And the guys he beat were fucking really good. | ||
| And it's not just like you gave it... | ||
| It'd be one thing if you said, you know, he got knocked out in the first round, so we're going to give the first crack to this number one contender who's like on a tear or something. | ||
| But to just say, Brock Lesnar, because this is a big... | ||
| It was the most naked example of this is just for pay-per-view buys. | ||
| That kind of sucks for Stipe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, it sucks for Stipe. | ||
| And I'm glad it didn't happen. | ||
| I'm glad that Stipe got his chance. | ||
| Because just out of respect for the sport and respect for the true champions of the sport, it doesn't matter what marketability or not. | ||
| That guy is the best champion that's ever been in the game. | ||
| He's the best heavyweight champion of all time. | ||
| So, like, to not recognize that and not, like, that should be a big deal. | ||
| No, I agree with you. | ||
| That should be the fight, but the money of the Brock Lesnar fight would have been so immense that if you're a company that makes entertainment, this is why it's kind of like the UFC in some ways, there's a marriage of entertainment and of sport. | ||
| And there has to be. | ||
| I mean, the people are the ones who are buying the pay-per-views and paying for it, so more of them want this. | ||
| That's where the shit-talk comes in. | ||
| It's good for the gander because you get Brock Lesnar to come on a card. | ||
| You get massive, massive eyes on it. | ||
| Every time you do that, there's a percentage of people who stay fans and become hardcore fans and tell people about it. | ||
| There's real value there for everybody. | ||
| But the Heavyweight Championship of the World is supposed to be the most prestigious. | ||
| You don't see that in any other sport where a guy will be coming off a loss before he is removed. | ||
| You know, test positive for steroids and then just get a title shot. | ||
| That's a good way of putting it. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| What I want to see, more even than the DC thing, I want to see Francis Ngannou, Stipe too. | ||
| Because Francis Ngannou just destroyed Kane and Junior Dos Santos, who, if you guys remember, just a few years ago. | ||
| Those were the guys. | ||
| That was King Kong and Godzilla right there. | ||
| That's the heavyweight division. | ||
| And he just destroyed both of them. | ||
| He looks like he got his confidence back. | ||
| He looks like, you know, like, I want to see that rematch. | ||
| Yeah, I'm terrified for everybody who gets in the octagon against that guy. | ||
| Every time he fights somebody, I'm like... | ||
| Because I remember I still have shell shock for watching Alistair Overeem get hit with that left hook. | ||
| Oh, that was the hardest knockout I've ever seen, ever. | ||
| I remember thinking, like, no one's gonna survive that. | ||
| It looked like the back of Alistair Overeem's head touched his ankles. | ||
| He just snapped back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, dude. | |
| I was like, no one... | ||
| Everyone's going out from that. | ||
| Everyone's going out cold. | ||
| That's the thing with the heavyweight. | ||
| You just have to, like, have so much respect because it's like, holy shit, dude. | ||
| Like, you're getting in there and it's just like... | ||
| At any moment, you're just gone. | ||
| I'd rather fight a heavyweight than a 135-pounder, though, just to be hit a thousand times in the head. | ||
| That's the punch. | ||
| That should be a t-shirt. | ||
| Just the silhouette of that. | ||
| It's interesting you say that with DC. I just know, as little as we know Mickey Gall, as much as we've been friends with him for a short amount of time, even... | ||
| Like, when he fights, there's some different, like, stakes on it. | ||
| As a buddy, you're like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hard. | |
| And you must see that a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hard. | |
| And you're calling it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you can't really put much... | ||
| It's hard for me when cowboy fights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| I root against Bisping. | ||
| Those are hard. | ||
| Actually. | ||
| It was really hard when Brendan was fighting him. | ||
| That was real hard. | ||
| I'm real tight with him. | ||
| We're really good friends. | ||
| He wasn't really doing it anymore. | ||
| He was still in it, but he wasn't really 100% in. | ||
| He was thinking about other things. | ||
| He was thinking about when he gets out. | ||
| He didn't have the same focus and intensity and training as he used to. | ||
| That's hard. | ||
| That's not the sport to do that anymore. | ||
| No, it's hard. | ||
| Whenever you're thinking about getting out, get out! | ||
| Get out! | ||
| Because there's people that aren't thinking about getting out. | ||
| And you've got to think about what we were talking about earlier. | ||
| Mike Tyson is prime. | ||
| Angry at everything. | ||
| If you're thinking about getting out and you run in front of a guy like that... | ||
| Or a girl like that. | ||
| There's female kickboxers that are like that too. | ||
| They're just fucking vicious, man. | ||
| And they're waiting. | ||
| You think you're half in, half out, thinking about cheerleading? | ||
| Wham! | ||
| Shin to the face. | ||
| You've got to be all in. | ||
| You're saying at the end Brendan could have been beaten by a woman? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Am I following you correctly? | ||
| I think at the fucking highest levels of any combat sport, you have to be all in. | ||
| I don't think that's something you could dabble in. | ||
| It's a hard thing, though, because I think in MMA, luckily Brendan is a podcaster, comedian. | ||
| I think a lot of other guys, they don't have the same... | ||
| But they could do other stuff, like Tyron Woodley's rapping. | ||
| Tyron Woodley has businesses. | ||
| I know he's doing something with CBD. I know he did a record with Wiz Khalifa. | ||
| I know he does a lot of TMZ stuff. | ||
| He's a funny dude. | ||
| I think you have to become the, look, Tyron's champion. | ||
| Tyron's smart. | ||
| Champion, though. | ||
| He has a huge name. | ||
| He was, but he's still, he's working. | ||
| See, he lost his title to Usman, but yet he's still doing all these other things. | ||
| Of course, but I think it's easier when you have that name. | ||
| You're a former UFC champion. | ||
| And I think that alone will probably sort of set you up as long as you're not a complete idiot for the rest of your life. | ||
| But there are guys who never get to that very, very top. | ||
| And if they don't sort of set themselves up for afterwards, they're going to, you know, when you think about getting out, you're like, shit, dude, the reason they take those fights. | ||
| What was that one documentary I saw where the guy was like, he got like crazy brain injuries. | ||
| And his family was just like, dude, don't take another fight. | ||
| And he still had to take it. | ||
| He's had to pay the bills. | ||
| And it was just like, there was just no other option. | ||
| He was like barely making money at a gym. | ||
| So that's the thing where it's like, it's a sport where you're all in. | ||
| And then once it kind of shit hits the fan, it reminds me of comedy. | ||
| It takes a minimum 5 to 10 years to figure out if you're going to even be good enough to do it professionally, right? | ||
| And then at that point, it's your whole life. | ||
| So that's why you never see people quitting. | ||
| Nobody quits comedy. | ||
| You see a lot of people that maybe they start at like 20, and like by 30, they're 10 years in. | ||
| And if it's not working out for you, you took the 10 years when you were supposed to be figuring out where the trajectory of life. | ||
| Like everyone you knew from high school figured out a job, got a house, got married, whatever. | ||
| Yeah, but how do you gauge that now? | ||
| Because you could do comedy for six months and have a YouTube video where you can make $25,000 on a Sunday doing one Sunday show at an improv. | ||
| But have you watched that guy's YouTube channel? | ||
| Oh, so that's rare. | ||
| That doesn't happen too often. | ||
| It's not that rare. | ||
| I think it's rare that there's, you know, guys that are doing comedy for six months that are making... | ||
| Oh, six months. | ||
| Sure, sure, sure. | ||
| The extreme example, yeah, for sure. | ||
| For real, it shouldn't mean anything to us. | ||
| No, no, it doesn't. | ||
| I'm just saying, I'm just making a point that it's not really, there's so many alternative routes now. | ||
| No, I'm just saying it's for the guy who puts them in. | ||
| Yeah, but even with what Lewis said, like, I agree, technically, in, like, the growth of someone, like, ten years in, they've got their legs under them, like, good, and now they can start figuring out what their direction's going to be exactly and find their market. | ||
| That's how you become, like, a honed... | ||
| Great comic, hopefully, you know, but, like, you can get popular and have to work under the pressure of a sold-out theater at three years in the comedy. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I couldn't possibly imagine that, doing that. | ||
| Charlie Murphy did it in an even more insane way. | ||
| He was famous first, and then he became an open-miker. | ||
| That's got to be challenging. | ||
| Dude, sold out shows. | ||
| All he practices, only he's doing giant shows where everybody's coming to see him and Donnell and all these other comics. | ||
| And Donnell's a killer, by the way. | ||
| He's going up with monsters from the Chappelle show. | ||
| How about Jeremy Piven? | ||
| How about Jeremy Piven? | ||
| Even Brendan was a star when he started doing comedy. | ||
| He was already known, very known. | ||
| Yes, he was already known as a UFC fighter. | ||
| Yeah, but what Charlie Murphy did was do these sold-out fucking shows, and he was practicing. | ||
| I don't know how much time he spent before he went up on stage the first time, knowing that he was going to do stand-up. | ||
| I think it was pretty impressive. | ||
| He was also famous from the Chappelle show, and from two of the greatest comedy sketches ever done, that Dave Chappelle was acting out for him, and they were so funny. | ||
| And his brother's Eddie Murphy! | ||
| He's got the fucking... | ||
| So any expectation when you go in is like, I'm going to see the greatest comedian in the country, and he's doing his third set that he's ever done. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Well, stand-up comedy is the only art form that you practice in front of the audience. | ||
| There's nothing else, and you have to. | ||
| The only way to do it is to practice in front of an audience. | ||
| You go sit at a painter's apartment and watch them paint. | ||
| Everyone else gets to master their craft by themselves in a fuck whatever it's it could be mixed martial arts in a gym could be in a garage or in a band whatever it is everyone else gets to figure it out but we from moment one is this naked thing we're like all right well let me and it's so douchey I think back to the first time like what fucking type of asshole would even give it a shot for the first time it's like going hey I just wrote this song today and they go well fucking sucks I'm not gonna clap for that terrible song you just wrote Next! | ||
| They wouldn't. | ||
| They would just go, at the end of it, they'd go, yeah, you played a song. | ||
| You can make a song in a vacuum. | ||
| I mean, there's guys who have created the most amazing fucking songs, and then they let you play them, or let you listen to them, and you're like, whoa, how long have you guys been working on this? | ||
| If you have friends that are in a band, and they're like, four months. | ||
| Like, holy shit. | ||
| They can do it all and put it together from start to finish without anybody else involved other than the producers and them. | ||
| We can't do that. | ||
| No. | ||
| We can't. | ||
| Anybody who tries is crazy. | ||
| Didn't somebody try to do a studio stand-up album? | ||
| Didn't someone? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, there was the special... | ||
| Drodd Carmichael directed that one. | ||
| Drew Michaels. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Drew Michaels did the No Audience comedy show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take out the best part. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The room just got quiet. | |
| Everyone trying to not shit on Drew Michael. | ||
| I was just doing an impression of his audience. | ||
| I was quite confused. | ||
| It was confusing. | ||
| But what do you do? | ||
| You're Drew Michael, you're a young comic, 10 years in, HBO. You're like, I gotta do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| I gotta do it. | ||
| Jericho Mark wants to produce it and no audience. | ||
| Let's see what happens. | ||
| There's no way you could feel anything other than weird doing stand-up that you're used to doing in front of an audience to no audience. | ||
| You would be fighting feeling weird the entire time you were talking because you know there's no one there. | ||
| So you're just talking to a camera. | ||
| And it's also, the audience that's watching, to be honest with you, needs a laugh track. | ||
| The reason laugh tracks exist on TV shows is because the audience sometimes, they just need to be told, here's the moment, there we go. | ||
| Right, but Curb Your Enthusiasm doesn't have a laugh track. | ||
| It's one of the funniest shows of all time. | ||
| It's not the laugh track, it's the energy that creates. | ||
| Just that you're watching this performance, you're part of something, you're supposed to be laughing along with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, laughing... | ||
| If a guy, if Drew Michael came to you in person and started saying those funny things to you, like, with that tone, you'd be like, this is uncomfortable. | ||
| Even if they're funny things... | ||
| Get the fuck away from me, dude! | ||
| You'd feel weird to go... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you doing? | |
| You'd feel weird when you hit a punchline to go... | ||
| It's like, just you and him is too... | ||
| It's too intimate. | ||
| Right, you're not even... | ||
| When you're doing stand-up, like you and one person. | ||
| Right, who the fuck would ever talk like that? | ||
| That only works in front of large people. | ||
| So you're taking something that only works in front of groups of people. | ||
| Hey Joe, did you ever go to a convenience store and the guy working there is looking at you like you're not going to buy it? | ||
| Why are you saying it like this? | ||
| This is so weird. | ||
| So I says to the guy I says. | ||
| But stand-up comedy is not just talking. | ||
| It is using the pauses and using the timing and using the moments where they're supposed to laugh. | ||
| There's so much more to it than just saying the jokes. | ||
| You know, that's the side of where you go, it's like, I just don't... | ||
| As an experiment, I get it. | ||
| As like a YouTube video, I get it. | ||
| But as your first big special, I would want there to be an audience there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| But I think Gerard is just a creative guy, and he had this idea, and he just ran with it. | ||
| I heard he wanted to do it for himself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you see the Aziz one? | |
| Yeah, he said he wanted to do it for himself. | ||
| Did you see the Aziz one? | ||
| Where Spike Jones was on stage the whole time? | ||
| And they filmed it where you could see the back... | ||
| Behind the stage? | ||
| Some people mulling around in the back? | ||
| I found it distracting. | ||
| Extremely distracting. | ||
| I didn't understand why that would be a good idea. | ||
| This isn't like you happen to be filming. | ||
| Oh, we're up in a film as he's working out here, and you see a bunch of people in the background, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| The material's good. | ||
| You'll enjoy this. | ||
| No, this is a fucking special. | ||
| You're intentionally making it what it's If you want to have concept to the thing, or concept to kind of bookend the show, it seems like it's all like, hey, look over here, to be like, I really didn't have an hour I'm super happy with. | ||
| I haven't seen the material of it to know, I'm not saying Aziz, it's not a good hour, I just feel like when you're throwing... | ||
| I would want less fluff to draw to like, hey, listen to these jokes. | ||
| Please don't pay attention. | ||
| We have the first ever overhead 3D camera on this shot. | ||
| It's Spike Jonze, so I think you don't get it. | ||
| I think it's one of those things where it's like, hey man, I'd love it if you directed it, and he'd be like, okay, but I want to do something different. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you're like, I trust you. | ||
| You're a master at what you do. | ||
| I'm a master at what I do. | ||
| Let's collaborate. | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| It was like when Steve Jobs, the first Apple logo, he just paid $250,000 for. | ||
| And the deal was he didn't get any revisions. | ||
| He got to have a conversation about what he wanted to feel. | ||
| And then this weird fucking artist went and created the logo and was like, here it is. | ||
| And that's that. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Okay, that's a bad deal. | ||
| Maybe Steve Jobs is not the businessman we imagined. | ||
| It's a lot of money for a dude. | ||
| I may or may not use your fucking design. | ||
| You just need to see it first. | ||
| Can I see a sketch? | ||
| What do you think he was going to do? | ||
| $250,000? | ||
| We're not even successful yet. | ||
| We don't even have a logo. | ||
| It was pretty easy. | ||
| $250, and if I like it... | ||
| Can you create a logo for my company? | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Apple? | ||
| Yeah, I got an idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got a bite out of it, bitch. | |
| He took a quarter mil and banged that out in six minutes. | ||
| Is there a fucking thing that divides this country more than right-left? | ||
| It might be Android versus iPhone. | ||
| Yeah, but people aren't like boycotting businesses over it. | ||
| No, they're not. | ||
| But people look down on people with Android phones. | ||
| They sure do. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Like they're less than? | ||
| It's just one of those things. | ||
| It's like, if you have an iPhone, you're in. | ||
| And if you have an Android phone, you're on that other fucking team. | ||
| It's just like the bare minimum. | ||
| If you don't have an iPhone, you're a fucking loser. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| I was an Android guy for years, and I used to be one of the guys like, what's the big difference? | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| And then I got an iPhone, and I was like, oh, I get it. | ||
| What is the difference? | ||
| The difference is just... | ||
| The way your fingers... | ||
| It's the sleekness of the actual pieces. | ||
| Just whatever it is from going from one thing to the next. | ||
| If you're opening up a text or going to a phone, everything is just very seamless and it's smooth and it feels very natural and very nice. | ||
| And Android, because so many different people use that sort of Android platform, it's always clunky and it's not exactly the same, so it never feels as smooth. | ||
| Once you get used to your iPhone, that's that. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I know very successful people that stick by Android. | ||
| The newest Android phones are pretty fucking smooth. | ||
| If you picked up like... | ||
| Galaxies, whatever. | ||
| Yeah, like a Galaxy S10. Those are a smooth fucking phone, man. | ||
| Those things are as good as anything. | ||
| There's a bunch of phones now on the side of Android that rival or are better than iPhones. | ||
| Yeah, with some of the technologies ahead. | ||
| The Note 10 that just came out. | ||
| Is there one that's not Android or iPhone that's dope that people just don't know about? | ||
| There's no other operating system, which is really weird. | ||
| It's like you have three operating systems. | ||
| You have iPhones, you have Android, and there's still a few people that have Windows phones, believe it or not. | ||
| Blackberry? | ||
| Well, who the fuck uses that? | ||
| I think they came out with a new Blackberry. | ||
| Tom Segura uses a Blackberry? | ||
| He loves it, yeah. | ||
| I think that's a joke, bro. | ||
| I think that's a gag. | ||
| If I text him, it goes blue. | ||
| He's got a fucking iPhone. | ||
| It's like Ori. | ||
| Ori pretends to not have a fucking real phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ori's got multiple phones, pads. | ||
| He's a fucking phony asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I talked to him about it one time. | |
| He does have it, but he doesn't use it. | ||
| Oh, he hasn't. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, he's got it. | ||
| I think it was a joke, though. | ||
| I think he really did miss those little... | ||
| If you had a Blackberry back in the day, the thing about texting people, you knew where everything was. | ||
| You knew where those buttons were. | ||
| You could text pretty quick. | ||
| That little ball would break. | ||
| It was so fucking annoying. | ||
| Yeah, that thing would break. | ||
| The difference between that and an iPhone is pretty substantial, but the difference between iPhones and Android is not substantial anymore. | ||
| The new Android operating system is pretty fucking small. | ||
| I know the iPhone. | ||
| I can't go back. | ||
| I just know it. | ||
| I don't want to relearn a new phone. | ||
| I sat down with a PC the other day. | ||
| The iPhone is now, since Steve Jobs is gone, that iPhone's catching up on the technology to Android. | ||
| A lot of things you go, look what my iPhone does now. | ||
| Someone has Android. | ||
| We've had two generations of that technology already. | ||
| The argument, though, would be that they wait until the technology is out and all the bugs are knocked out of it, and then they give you a superior version of it. | ||
| That's the argument. | ||
| I mean, look, it's the most successful company in the fucking history of the known universe. | ||
| It's shit-fucked tons of cash. | ||
| I can't believe they didn't get the folding phone first. | ||
| I don't think that thing's worth a fuck. | ||
| I want a folding phone. | ||
| I couldn't guess it. | ||
| It looks like it's weird. | ||
| What are we doing here? | ||
| Making it fatter? | ||
| Origami. | ||
| How about just give me this? | ||
| This is a good shape, you folks. | ||
| They're just constantly... | ||
| We've got to figure out how to get it in your body. | ||
| If you can roll it up like a little fortune cookie. | ||
| The thing I'm worried about is the Elon Musk thing. | ||
| The Neuralink. | ||
| Are you hearing about that? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| It's the next step to integrating computers with your fucking brain. | ||
| It's going to happen, right? | ||
| If it's not this Elon Musk thing doesn't do that, then the next thing will. | ||
| The ultimate goal is going to be we're going to have pieces in our body. | ||
| What's the name? | ||
| Chips. | ||
| Some computer thing. | ||
| The word of, like, merging with the body? | ||
| Singularity? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Symbiotic. | ||
| I was going to say cyborg. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cyborg. | |
| Symbiotic cyborg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that's true, too. | ||
| Singularity. | ||
| Singularity. | ||
| That's what I was thinking of. | ||
| Oh, the singularity is what they think would be the ultimate technological innovation that radically transforms mankind. | ||
| And they move that number around. | ||
| And I think the singularity they think for artificial intelligence, there was a symposium in New York a few years back that Ari and I and Duncan Trussell went to. | ||
| I think it was like 2045. That's when they think. | ||
| They think at 2045, these things are going to go live. | ||
| And there will be robot, just like ex machina type people walking around with us. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| I mean, I think I heard part of the conversation you had with Elon Musk, and it was one of the most interesting things, because for a while I was going, yeah, dude, if you just put your phone down, people don't really give a shit. | ||
| You go to the supermarket, people aren't arguing about politics, but eventually what's going to happen is the phones are going to be in our fucking brains, and you're never going to be able to put the phone down. | ||
| And it's going to be, that's the world we live in, where we are just at war. | ||
| And that's where it's fucking scary. | ||
| That's what I don't like about it. | ||
| Did we jump in too quick, too? | ||
| Hasn't there already been a whole bunch of self-driving car podcasts? | ||
| Accidents. | ||
| Terrible things happen. | ||
| Way more human accidents. | ||
| It's better. | ||
| Is it more human accidents per amount of cars, though? | ||
| Do you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Self-driving cars, really, you're not supposed to just sit there. | ||
| You're supposed to hold on to the wheel. | ||
| I keep a hand on the wheel. | ||
| It makes you do that. | ||
| You can't just drive it. | ||
| You can't just sit back. | ||
| It needs you to be engaged. | ||
| Tell that to little Duvall, who just takes videos of him taking a nap and smoking joints out the window. | ||
| He's not involved at all. | ||
| So can you get that blocked for the sensors? | ||
| I'm assuming it's a sensor type thing. | ||
| There's a thing that you can do that's actually like an iPhone mount. | ||
| Like a cell phone mount. | ||
| And it sits on the handle. | ||
| And it keeps pressure on the handle. | ||
| So the handle thinks that you're holding onto the handle. | ||
| And you have your iPhone on it. | ||
| Take that, robots! | ||
| So they sell it as an iPhone holder. | ||
| But really what it is is something that squeezes on the handle. | ||
| But they can't sell it as that. | ||
| Because that would be illegal. | ||
| It should be illegal. | ||
| It's pretty goddamn good, that thing. | ||
| But eventually, I way more trust AutoDrive. | ||
| I trust them to be able to come up with the technology where they have everything on perfect grids, where we all get in our cars, and the absolute fastest way for us to get from point A to point B is already mapped out. | ||
| Traffic, all that shit. | ||
| That's not that crazy. | ||
| I feel like that has to be within 20, 30 years. | ||
| Wait, it changes lanes and everything? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it changes lanes. | ||
| Did it blow your mind the first time you were on a highway with it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It blows your mind. | |
| Were you terrified the first time? | ||
| Does it blow you? | ||
| How cool would that be if it sucked your dick? | ||
| That's coming. | ||
| Oh, that's coming. | ||
| It probably won't ever suck your dick. | ||
| It'll probably just give you the experience in a chip. | ||
| While you click. | ||
| She appears. | ||
| 3D hologram lady appears and starts blowing you. | ||
| It feels like it's real, but nothing's there. | ||
| It's Whitney Houston, your celebrities. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Remember how they made the future in 80s movies, though, where the dick-sucking car would actually be like a hose would come out of the ground? | ||
| That would be the feeling. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| A mouth hose. | ||
| Would you really trust that mouth hose with your cock? | ||
| I'm going to wait until the third or fourth version. | ||
| I watched Total Recall recently, which is like, you know, the future. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The new one or the old one? | |
| Not Total Recall. | ||
| The running man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| And it was like, when he was holding the girl hostage, she was in the house like, let's look up what flights are around. | ||
| And it's just such obvious, like Atari graphics on the screen. | ||
| It's like the year 2050. No one really has good ideas of what the future's going to be. | ||
| Even Minority Report, when they're moving stuff around on the screen. | ||
| Maybe, maybe someday. | ||
| But no one's done anything where you go, wow, that would be amazing if that was it. | ||
| I'm sure there was a list. | ||
| That's sort of the Apple thing, though, is that Apple tries to make their stuff live up to what they made like 1950s space movies. | ||
| Everything's like very metallic and sleek looking. | ||
| Like the Gattaca, the uniform. | ||
| Well, the packaging as well. | ||
| Apple's a great company. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| But when you open up an iPhone or an Apple product... | ||
| The packaging, it has like an air thing where it lifts naturally. | ||
| And it's all based off the experience. | ||
| Like when you open it, you go, I've never opened another product like this. | ||
| And they do that on purpose. | ||
| And it's this subconscious thing that they fucking put into your mind. | ||
| And that's why you go, dude, just, I don't know what it is, dude. | ||
| iPhone. | ||
| I can't put my finger on it. | ||
| That's why chicks buy expensive bags. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, ooh, ah, quality. | |
| This will last forever. | ||
| If you write, though, if you write a lot and type a lot, they're the shittiest. | ||
| Their fucking keyboards are dog shit. | ||
| The new ones, they're clickety-clickety-clickety. | ||
| There's no travel. | ||
| They're just clickety-clickety-clickety-clickety, and shit gets stuck in them, and they're trying to figure out how to fix that. | ||
| My spacebar doesn't work on my Apple, so I've copied the space. | ||
| So whenever I write, I have to... | ||
| It's just not comfortable for typing on. | ||
| How much fucking thinner does it have to be? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I know you guys are trying to make them thin, but make them so they're comfortable to type on. | ||
| All you have to do is make it thicker. | ||
| It doesn't have to be that thin, man. | ||
| Yeah, a big old gray keyboard is the most comfortable thing. | ||
| The old school thing that we learned. | ||
| But I think it's because we learned how to type on that. | ||
| No, it's because they're mechanical. | ||
| Your fingers feel the tactile sensation of pushing in those springs. | ||
| So it's like clickety-clickety-click, clickety-click, and your fingers know where the keys are. | ||
| When you don't get any feedback, you make a lot of errors. | ||
| Like, it's not as easy. | ||
| It takes a long time to get accustomed to that short-travel keyboard that you get on those really thin MacBooks. | ||
| I have a 2015 MacBook. | ||
| I got an old one refurbished, because I hate the fucking new keyboard. | ||
| It's like, I don't know what I'm touching. | ||
| It's not moving. | ||
| It's so shallow. | ||
| But apparently they've got to fix that. | ||
| Dude, I have an IBM, or not an IBM, a Lenovo ThinkPad. | ||
| That thing is like the old IBM ThinkPad. | ||
| Lenovo bought the company, and now they make them. | ||
| You feel the keys. | ||
| It's like, as you're typing, they have like 1.5 millimeters of travel, which is like clickety-clickety-click. | ||
| Next time I come in, me and Joe, we're going to have a typing competition. | ||
| I think I could... | ||
| I make no mistakes with the new Apple. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| I think once you're used to it, you're used to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| I think you need to let yourself go to the new technology. | ||
| I'd use both of them, but I like the typing way better on the Lenovo. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| This is not like just me. | ||
| This is a big... | ||
| The thing that people who write a lot say is that you want something that has a lot of key travel. | ||
| Because 1.5, preferably maybe even 1.8 millimeter, something like that, when you're doing that, you get a real good feel of where the keys are. | ||
| You don't fuck up as much. | ||
| You also feel like you know you've hit the button. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| It gives you this feedback, and you don't think about... | ||
| What I find is that I'm writing on one of those things. | ||
| I don't think about... | ||
| The keys as much as I'm concentrating on writing. | ||
| Otherwise I'm like... | ||
| That little extra thing where you gotta look down. | ||
| Oh, I fucked up and I hit that instead of that. | ||
| That doesn't happen as much. | ||
| Way less. | ||
| How often are you guys washing your keyboards? | ||
| Never! | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| I feel bad every time my son touches my computer and I'm like, ooh. | ||
| It's probably keeping them healthy. | ||
| Dude, it's funny. | ||
| There's so much fucking bacteria on that computer. | ||
| I got a keyboard cover. | ||
| I'm going to use that dust blast thing. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| I don't use any of that. | ||
| Just blow and come right out of your circuit board. | ||
| Everything is gross. | ||
| Your fucking kitchen table's gross. | ||
| Everything's gross. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Do you think about homeless people touching guardrails? | ||
| It's like, you go and touch that, like, ah! | ||
| Homeless people don't get sick. | ||
| The subway rails must be just... | ||
| Oh, it's brutal. | ||
| The amount of times I've done this in New York City, like I'll be going to put my hand on the... | ||
| And I just don't touch handrails anymore, and I make sure that my son doesn't. | ||
| But I've just been putting my hand down the rail, and then I just pick up a booger. | ||
| Like a human booger. | ||
| And I'm like, okay, that just ruined my week. | ||
| The story just ruined my hour. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| I've definitely said... | ||
| So you're going to flick it and then it gets stuck on your thumb and you flick it again and it gets stuck on that finger? | ||
| Something about other dudes' boogers. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| That would end my day. | ||
| And your own kid's booger. | ||
| I'll pick my son's nose in a heartbeat. | ||
| That's different, though. | ||
| That's your own son. | ||
| I mean, he's six now. | ||
| You should stop. | ||
| Definitely stop picking his nose. | ||
| How old is it when you'd be really concerned if your son is still sucking their thumb? | ||
| How many years in? | ||
| Shit. | ||
| When it's a dick. | ||
| Wait! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not what we're talking about. | |
| When it's not a thumb anymore. | ||
| Be concerned until you confirm and then go, okay, well, now I know. | ||
| My son never sucked his thumb, so... | ||
| If you had a kid, though. | ||
| If you had a boy. | ||
| I have a girl. | ||
| She never sucked his thumb either. | ||
| She loves sucking thumb. | ||
| You don't have any kids. | ||
| I got an eight-month-old. | ||
| Oh, you do? | ||
| Oh, congratulations. | ||
| I didn't know you were out there breeding. | ||
| I am. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Now you've become even more libertarian, correct? | ||
| Yeah, but not with her. | ||
| I'm an authoritarian with my baby. | ||
| I make the decisions there. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| Don't let babies call the shots. | ||
| No. | ||
| It'll be just sugar and guns. | ||
| But I'm... | ||
| Teach a baby how to shoot a gun. | ||
| A baby could actively shoot a gun. | ||
| Like, you know how much of a fucking giant problem that would be? | ||
| Like, if a baby was just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now I'm feeling like I'm not enough of a libertarian. | |
| Yeah, because... | ||
| Here's a gun. | ||
| Go homestead some land. | ||
| Their body can't really hold a gun and shoot it, right? | ||
| It would go flying. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| But if they could... | ||
| Do you know what a great time they would think it would be to shoot things? | ||
| If you're a fucking baby and you had a gun, you're just like... | ||
| They love it. | ||
| The projectiles, my son. | ||
| There's Nerf guns. | ||
| That's how I know he's not gay. | ||
| He loves to shoot things. | ||
| There's a lot of gay people that shoot things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| That's how I know he's not gay. | ||
| He kept shooting his friend in the face the other day. | ||
| What do you think about bears? | ||
| I think he was hiding the bullets in his butt. | ||
| If you had a bunch of bears that you couldn't take them out to a shotgun range and shoot clay pigeons. | ||
| Yeah, for like 15 minutes before they start fucking each other. | ||
| Yeah, eventually. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, oh my god, the shape of this guy is getting me so horny. | ||
| They're guys. | ||
| They're just guys who like guys. | ||
| They got the wacky wire. | ||
| But the gay kids that I grow up, I'm sure, yes, there are gay guys who like to do doodly dude things, right? | ||
| Oh, definitely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| Doodly dude things. | ||
| You know, fuck out of dudes. | ||
| I mean, how many gay friends do you have that are like, we should really go shooting guns right now. | ||
| Let's go hunt. | ||
| I bet there's a bunch. | ||
| They want to shop! | ||
| And that's fine! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They want to shop! | |
| They do! | ||
| They want to go... | ||
| Some of them, but isn't it like girls? | ||
| Like, there's girls that are like woodsy girls. | ||
| Girls who want to live in the woods and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think these are exceptions. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a gay, like, mountain-y guy, and you're into other mountain-y guys, probably gonna have an alright life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's also pretty hot. | ||
| Gay mountain-y guys alone, just fucking bolting down the door before they butt-fuck, looking out the window, making sure the neighbors don't know what... | ||
| So are you fellas brothers and sisters? | ||
| Brother and brother? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| They run a seasonal marina, and then they just suck and fuck in the off-season. | ||
| Yeah, you go down the road where those two homos live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those two woodsy homos. | ||
| There's a couple of whatever. | ||
| There's a couple of how-do-you-do's living in the old fishing house. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| Great guys. | ||
| Great guys. | ||
| I got no problem. | ||
| No problem with them. | ||
| All they do is chop wood and butt fuck. | ||
| That was the Bagel Boss guy when he said that. | ||
| He goes, I got no problem with gay people. | ||
| He goes, just don't touch me, you know? | ||
| Especially in the private area. | ||
| Then we'll have the problem. | ||
| I go, is that what your life's worried about? | ||
| You don't want to hang out around gay people because they're probably just going to start grabbing viciously at your dick? | ||
| Do you think that guy is going to stick in there? | ||
| Do you think he's going to be like Joe the Plumber? | ||
| Or do you think he's going to have some legs to him? | ||
| No, I think this is going to go away. | ||
| I think Lenny Dykstra is going to knock him out unconsciously. | ||
| He's 5'10". | ||
| I know he's got alcohol problems and shit, but he's got those big hands. | ||
| I saw the video of him getting arrested the other day. | ||
| He's going to hit the Bagel Boss? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lenny Dykstra is fighting Bagel Boss in Celebrity Boxing. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| And Lenny Dykstra's, you know, older now, but I mean, he's Lenny Dykstra. | ||
| He's a lunatic. | ||
| He's only like 55, something like that. | ||
| Yeah, he looks like 70, but he's still a fucking stocky dude. | ||
| I mean, like, Lenny Dykstra's gonna fuck him up. | ||
| He's four foot eight. | ||
| He's, I mean... | ||
| Five, what's he? | ||
| He's four... | ||
| He's really small. | ||
| There's no chance. | ||
| There's no chance. | ||
| Don't. | ||
| You've seen that guy. | ||
| He went to someone's MMA gym and he was hanging out with a bunch of fighters and he was throwing punches and dancing around the ring. | ||
| I want to say Matt Serra. | ||
| Was it Matt Serra? | ||
| Chris Weidman? | ||
| Yeah, he's a Long Island guy. | ||
| Yeah, so he was out there. | ||
| He doesn't have a background in martial arts, like you could tell. | ||
| No, yeah, it's over. | ||
| He can't really fight. | ||
| And he's also out of shape. | ||
| He's out of shape, and he's a tiny little fella. | ||
| Fight like a butterfly, sting like a butterfly. | ||
| There's no... | ||
| Yeah, there's no learning how to fight, getting in shape, doing it all. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| He's too small. | ||
| Yeah, Lenny Dexter looks like he's been in a bunch of fistfights. | ||
| I'm sorry he has. | ||
| Dude, he used to be like... | ||
| He got arrested like... | ||
| He was jacked at a point in his life. | ||
| I mean, like, shredded. | ||
| And you're not losing that strength. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not going to lose... | |
| Even if he's out of shape, even if he's... | ||
| He's still a strong, like, bulky guy, I'm sure. | ||
| This isn't even a conversation. | ||
| He's going to kill him. | ||
| So you're saying lay heavy. | ||
| Lay heavy on Lenny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You bet. | |
| The whole... | ||
| He'll push it all in on Lenny Dykstra. | ||
| Are you crazy? | ||
| He's a fucking pro athlete. | ||
| I think there's no integrity in celebrity boxing, though. | ||
| I don't know if you could bet a zillion dollars. | ||
| Is that him now? | ||
| Yeah, it's him now. | ||
| He's only 55? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| No, he's older than that, isn't he? | ||
| Maybe a little bit older. | ||
| He's older than that. | ||
| I just looked it up the other day. | ||
| He's not that old. | ||
| He was a legit wild man. | ||
| Yeah, when he was that right there. | ||
| He looks like Mike Vickie. | ||
| That guy was a legit wild man. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Lenny Dystra indicted for drugs threats following arrest in May. | ||
| Yeah, he's winning this fight. | ||
| He's an Uber driver. | ||
| He was high on ecstasy and coke and got into an argument with his Uber driver and then threatened his life when the cops come. | ||
| Did he? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what happened? | ||
| Yeah, the cops come and they're like, yeah, this guy's saying he's a favorite for his life. | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For me? | |
| For me! | ||
| He plays so innocent, it's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| And then they start checking his bag and he starts freaking out about them going through his bag. | ||
| He's 56. Wow. | ||
| Wow, I thought he was older than that even. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| He's living them hard years, son. | ||
| Ahead of Celebrity Fight. | ||
| Lenny Dykstra says Bagel Boss has one-inch penis. | ||
| That is outrageous. | ||
| Click on that, please. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so rude. | |
| The world we live in. | ||
| Lenny Dykstra went on Howard Stern and he said he had girls come on to say how good he eats pussy and they were swearing him down. | ||
| It was a comic, so he brought comedians from LA. And then the comedians immediately just used it for a credit and then just debunked his whole thing. | ||
| So he flew them in for nothing. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| It's crazy that he's going to hit that little guy. | ||
| Because that's so wrong. | ||
| I guess the little guy feels like he can just go down quick. | ||
| Yeah, in celebrity boxing, it doesn't usually get too brutal. | ||
| I think, you know... | ||
| This guy's going to punch him once and it might kill him. | ||
| I think Bonaduce used to go for it, though. | ||
| That's not going to help you. | ||
| Headgear doesn't help you at all. | ||
| Headgear sometimes makes it worse because you get all this extra weight and your head snaps more. | ||
| If you get headgear on, that's more shit that you have to control. | ||
| One of the things about having a strong neck is when you get punched, you can kind of control your head from moving around too much. | ||
| Some guys can take it better. | ||
| But if you have headgear on, it's like extra weight. | ||
| And your brain sloshes around inside your head. | ||
| I mean, it protects you from cuts more than anything. | ||
| There's an argument that it would protect you from cuts. | ||
| But protecting you from the thud? | ||
| Because it's the fucking rocking of your brain. | ||
| In some ways, it's a real mixed bag. | ||
| In some ways, it's better to have headgear on because it is a little more cushioning. | ||
| But in other ways, it's... | ||
| I think it makes it way more dangerous. | ||
| You followed it on and took it off, because I was surprised you did that, but you were like, just fuck it. | ||
| Well, I didn't want to fight with the headgear. | ||
| I tried to change it at the end, because I started sparring with it, and it fucking sucks dick, dude. | ||
| You can't breathe. | ||
| You can't see that good. | ||
| You can't see. | ||
| When you start grappling, you start feeling like you're being smothered right away, no matter what. | ||
| As soon as they touch your head, you feel like it starts moving up in your face. | ||
| So I tried to get them to take it off, and they wouldn't. | ||
| And then my headgear broke in the first minute of the fight, and they were like, all right, fuck it, take it off, because it was a shit show. | ||
| So we both took off our headgear, and I was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright, sweet. | |
| Where's the rules? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Headgear's a tricky thing. | ||
| You know, it's like they think that about football helmets, too. | ||
| That there would actually be a safer game if they couldn't clash heads with a helmet on. | ||
| That they wouldn't do it. | ||
| They wouldn't play like that. | ||
| That's just not true. | ||
| Them clashing skulls is not safer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not true. | |
| But the idea is that the only reason why they play that way is because of the helmets and the shoulder gear. | ||
| But if you took that stuff away, they wouldn't play like that. | ||
| Well, back in the day, they barely had any pads in the 30s or 40s or whatever when they were playing with those little tiny helmets. | ||
| Bro, that game, if you were an outsider, if you didn't know how big it was, if you didn't understand anything about the cultural significance of football, and they showed you all the brain damage, and they showed you what it is, you'd be like, oh yeah, make that illegal. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| If anything, it should be illegal. | ||
| Stop doing that, kids. | ||
| It's too constant, yeah. | ||
| Don't just run into each other. | ||
| Don't smash heads. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| The concept of defensive-offensive line, just the idea that it's the funniest thing. | ||
| As soon as you say go, just clunk heads with another human being. | ||
| But of course, we don't want it to be illegal, and it's a fun thing to watch, and it's a great way for some guys to make a fuckload of money and weigh the risks versus the rewards. | ||
| Yeah, but then a bunch of middle schoolers are snapping their necks, and my kid will never play football. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But where do you stop? | ||
| They could illegalize MMA with that justification. | ||
| I don't want that to happen. | ||
| Because punching and kicking is so inherently violent. | ||
| We see it as being this violent act, right? | ||
| We go, oh shit, fighting. | ||
| That's like crazy. | ||
| That's the most violent sport. | ||
| But it's so much less of a dangerous sport than football. | ||
| Football, these guys are just running headfirst at each other, and every one of them has major, major issues. | ||
| You also get blindsided in football. | ||
| You'll have your eye on someone, and then you get head-to-head taken out from someone else. | ||
| That doesn't happen as much in MMA, but... | ||
| I mean, when people get, like, head kicked, knocked, unconscious, that's not good for your brain. | ||
| No, but how often are football players being concussed? | ||
|
unidentified
|
All the time. | |
| All the time, yeah. | ||
| And then they get up and they just do it again and again and again. | ||
| Well, now they're a little bit stricter, I think, on, like, if you get a concussion, they won't put you back in, at least the way they used to, like, when I was a kid. | ||
| But... | ||
| It's still happening all the time. | ||
| But I think fighters are getting concussed once a year, if they're getting knocked out once a year. | ||
| But there's also sub-concussive trauma, which seems to be the problem with CTE. It's not just the knockouts, it's just the thumps. | ||
| Over and over again. | ||
| And training, sparring. | ||
| They think that's the real problem. | ||
| That's why also soccer players are getting it. | ||
| Soccer players are starting to get CT. So what's worse, getting a Conor McGregor one-punch knockout or fighting Nick Diaz and just getting like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good question. | |
| For five rounds. | ||
| You're probably better off getting one-punch knockout. | ||
| Flash knockout is probably better than... | ||
| Yeah, you're probably better off getting dropped. | ||
| Just getting beat up by Nick Diaz for 15 minutes would just suck. | ||
| Wasn't that the actual... | ||
| Wasn't the initial argument about MMA being... | ||
| Safer than boxing is that it's not so much... | ||
| With the gloves being bigger and boxing and all that stuff, it's actually worse because you're going to keep taking too many shots. | ||
| Well, standing eight count as well. | ||
| You can get knocked down and then get up and go right... | ||
| You'll be concussed and be like, all right, keep on fighting. | ||
| Whereas in MMA, they'll stop it if you're not defending yourself. | ||
| That's probably definitely better. | ||
| Yeah, the thing about... | ||
| 8 counts and 10 counts. | ||
| But people have gotten off the deck and had amazing performances, so you never want to stop it. | ||
| Look at Tyson Fury. | ||
| Gets off the deck twice against Deontay Wilder. | ||
| In MMA, that fight would have been stopped. | ||
| Particularly the last round. | ||
| When he dropped him, he would have definitely punched him a few times and he would have been out cold. | ||
| Because he was flat. | ||
| Flat on his back. | ||
| In MMA, that would be the end of the fight. | ||
| We are lucky it wasn't, because he got up like a fucking superhero and even won the rest of the round. | ||
| He outboxed him for the rest of the round. | ||
| He survived the initial barrage and then started catching him as he was coming in and as Deontay was being reckless. | ||
| He caught him one time, like stung him. | ||
| And you're like, holy shit, he's winning this round now. | ||
| He's winning the rest of the round after getting almost obliterated. | ||
| So there's an argument that that's better. | ||
| The crazy thing from the CTE perspective about boxing to me is that people will get hit and then they get hit and grab someone because that's just everyone's instinct. | ||
| And they grab them and then you have a little ref who goes, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Keep punching at the heads. | ||
| Don't do anything to avoid from hitting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no, no. | |
| Step it back out. | ||
| And that in MMA, you'll see a lot. | ||
| Someone get hit and then they get into a clinch and you get a few minutes in a clinch where they're kind of like, okay, I'm not taking head damage right now. | ||
| But the smart thing about that is that's how you're supposed to fight. | ||
| You're giving people options to defend themselves. | ||
| It shouldn't be you can't defend yourself other than punching back. | ||
| That seems kind of crazy. | ||
| But I could grab them and just stop these punches. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Against the rules. | ||
| What kind of rules do we have? | ||
| You can only beat me up if I let you beat me up? | ||
| You can both look like pussies and dance around for a half hour. | ||
| But do you remember the original Gracie videos that they'd make in early UFC? Gracie in action. | ||
| Yeah, and what they used to say all the time, and it's so true, what's so interesting is that if two boxers just have a street fight, they're going into a clinch, and it's probably going to end up on the ground at some point. | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| The ref has to break up a clinch over and over and over again to make boxing happen. | ||
| Even when you're a professional boxer and you don't know anything about wrestling or grappling, you still end up grabbing the other guy because that's just like... | ||
| The only time that doesn't take place is when one guy knows how to strike and the other guy doesn't. | ||
| And you see a lot of those videos online where two dudes decide to get into some sort of a street altercation and one guy actually is like a boxer and he catches the guy and the guy falls and bounces his head off the concrete out cold. | ||
| There's a bunch of those videos. | ||
| Yeah, that's bad. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| See, the thing about the Gracie Jiu-Jitsu is, like, you've got to always be aware there's people like that out there. | ||
| There's always guys who can punch you in the face. | ||
| And if they know how to wrestle, too, and they can keep you away and just keep punching you in the face, you better know how to take them down. | ||
| You just don't know, dude. | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| 2019, you have no idea who knows who what. | ||
| Now people know shit. | ||
| You've got to look at their ears. | ||
| You've got to look for little signs, like, look in their eyes, shake their hands. | ||
| Look at the size of their necks. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Dudes with skinny necks aren't getting choked. | ||
| But yeah, as far as skill, definitely you don't know. | ||
| It's a weird time for fighting. | ||
| I like both kinds. | ||
| I like just stand-up only fights. | ||
| I like watching those, and I like mixed martial arts fights. | ||
| But I think Terrence Crawford's coming on next, and I think watching someone like him box, when you see the skill level that that guy has, switching stances, doing all kinds of befuddling people, getting their range, figuring them out, and then just teeing them up with perfect timing. | ||
| That's... | ||
| Almost only possible that kind of artistry if there's no wrestling. | ||
| If there's no leg kicks. | ||
| If there's only the boxing. | ||
| That's the only way you see that. | ||
| That kind of beautiful combination. | ||
| Because otherwise you would do other shit too. | ||
| You would leg kick. | ||
| You would try to take them down. | ||
| The level of dominance that a real Floyd Mayweather, a real world champion boxer has with their hands, it's hard to really appreciate until you see it live and you know what you're seeing. | ||
| If you're in the building with a guy who's beating You guys are playing two totally different games. | ||
| I literally look at boxing as very much a sport, and I think MMA is the closest thing that we have to competitive fighting. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's sort of the difference. | ||
| All things considered, it's still not fighting. | ||
| You can't grab somebody's fucking balls and yank them off their body and bite their nose. | ||
| You couldn't bite and you couldn't eye gouge. | ||
| Hit him with a fucking trash can lid. | ||
| You can't fish hook. | ||
| But you used to be able to punch the balls. | ||
| There was a fucking great video of Keith Hackney fighting Joe Son. | ||
| Joe Son got him in a headlock. | ||
| And Keith Hackney's just hammering his dick. | ||
| I mean, full blast punches. | ||
| Over and over again. | ||
| And you see Joe Son's going into shock. | ||
| He takes a few of them and he's like, I'm not letting go of this choke. | ||
| And then by like the fourth, fifth dick punch, it's like, this is all over, man. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| He was a drained man. | ||
| Who was, was it Kimo? | ||
| Was he headbutting Hoist Gracie? | ||
| Yeah, he headbutted him a bunch. | ||
| Yeah, dude, that was fucking brutal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brutal. | |
| There was a lot of headbutting back in the days. | ||
| It was an effective weapon. | ||
| And it makes us like, oh, that's awful. | ||
| But there's all these other bones. | ||
| How come you're allowed to hit with these bones, but you can't hit with that bone? | ||
| Also, I would rather be headbutted by a guy that... | ||
| I don't give a shit. | ||
| There's not much technique in headbutting. | ||
| I would rather be headbutted than be headkicked by a dude who knows how to headkick. | ||
| There's no technique, but there really is. | ||
| There's guys that spar and they fight in Lethwe. | ||
| And Lethwe is a type of Muay Thai where they put ropes over their knuckles. | ||
| That's the only thing they have. | ||
| And they're allowed to headbutt. | ||
| And it's some wild ass shit. | ||
| And they do headbutt combinations on the pad. | ||
| Like they'll do tap, tap, bang! | ||
| They'll use their head and train it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Lethwe. | ||
| W-E-I-L-U-T-H. You know who does commentary for it? | ||
| It's our friend Robin Black. | ||
| He does commentary for Lethwe. | ||
| But this is a brutal form of Muay Thai where you're allowed to headbutt. | ||
| Because they already elbow. | ||
| And I think they're thinking, well, if I can knee and if I can punch, I can do all these things. | ||
| Why can I headbutt? | ||
| It's right there. | ||
| His fucking face is right there. | ||
| Just, ah! | ||
| Remember what Mark Coleman used to do? | ||
| He got a few UFCs in before the headbutts were illegal. | ||
| He would smash people with the headbutts. | ||
| Look at this combination. | ||
| This is a Robin Black breakdown. | ||
| This dude goes off to the side, pushes the dude's head away, and then immediately comes in with a perfect headbutt. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| He's just slamming him in the face on purpose with the top of his head. | ||
| So he's trying to hit like his eyes and his nose and the soft tissue. | ||
| He's trying to hit that with the hard part of his forehead. | ||
| Yeah, I think that will do a lot more damage than a fist. | ||
| I feel like a head butt only works one out of every thousand times. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, this guy does it a lot. | ||
| And if you do it this way, the way he's doing it, you're taking a really hard part of your forehead and you're smashing against a soft part of the eyes and the nose. | ||
| This part of your forehead is hard as fuck, man. | ||
| Most guys who break their hand in fights break their hands on foreheads. | ||
| Top of the head, yeah. | ||
| Especially boxing. | ||
| The Tequila reality show where the two guys were fighting over it. | ||
| That was a reality show. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Oh, he broke his chin open, dude? | ||
| He headbutts him in the thing. | ||
| It separates his teeth. | ||
| He takes a headbutt to the mouth. | ||
| He's spitting out. | ||
| It's like the blood's not turning. | ||
| You ever see someone get cut where the blood's not turning red yet? | ||
| It's black. | ||
| It's not just teeth splitting. | ||
| What happens is his jaw splits down the middle where you literally see his teeth separate because it cracks in half like that. | ||
| It's the most horrific thing I've ever seen. | ||
| This is VH1, by the way. | ||
| I saw that in a women's fight. | ||
| I saw that in a women's fight. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was Randy Couture's wife, Kim Couture. | ||
| Oh yeah, she fought. | ||
| She got her jaw broken and it was separated and she went out and fought the next round. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| With the jaw separated. | ||
| Like a predator. | ||
| Inside, it was moving around. | ||
| And then she had to get it wired up and fixed after the fight. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| A kid that I knew in the sixth grade, he got into a fistfight with this other kid. | ||
| And this other kid had brass knuckles. | ||
| And brass knuckles were regular. | ||
| You could buy them at the mall when I was a kid. | ||
| Martial arts style. | ||
| You could get like butterfly knives, nunchucks. | ||
| Yeah, flying stars. | ||
| Yeah, brass tongue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like you could just go in as 12 and buy deadly weapons. | |
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Those little stores that would sell nunchucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Psy. | |
| Yeah, the size. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The size. | |
| Hell yeah. | ||
| The coup baton. | ||
| Remember coup batons? | ||
| So this kid had brass knuckles, and he fucking drilled this kid in the face and broke his jaw. | ||
| And for the whole school year, like half school year, he had to have a wired jaw. | ||
| He was just drinking chocolate milk at lunch every day. | ||
| What happened to the kid who punched him? | ||
| Couldn't even tell the story. | ||
| What happened to the kid who punched him? | ||
| He was a kid, so it wasn't like juvie or anything like that. | ||
| It was just like he got in trouble. | ||
| Well, that's it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He got arrested? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Didn't get arrested. | ||
| Didn't get arrested. | ||
| And they had to go to school together after that? | ||
| Did you remove the brass knuckle kid from the school? | ||
| It didn't happen at school. | ||
| It happened at a school. | ||
| I don't think the kid who did it... | ||
| I know the kid who did it. | ||
| I don't think he went to the same school. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Sorry for hitting you with brass knuckles. | ||
| Should I have a math homework? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| That's where it's like you just don't want to fuck with people. | ||
| Well, kids who get beat up at home, too. | ||
| Kids who get beat up by their parents, they're ready to beat people up. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It becomes a part of your everyday life. | ||
| You're mad at people, you hit them. | ||
| You're mad at people that are smaller than you, and you get away with it, you hit them. | ||
| I don't think people talk about that enough. | ||
| They talk about all the violence in the world, and nobody's talking about the fact that since kids are toddlers, they're being hit by the people that are supposed to protect them most. | ||
| And it fucks them up psychologically, and it does something to them. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| And it's a cycle, right? | ||
| You hit your kids because your dad hit you, and that's what made you the man that you are today. | ||
| That kind of horseshit. | ||
| But it's so weird that it's the only relationship where if you bring up this topic, people will justify hitting. | ||
| It's the only, like, no one will publicly justify hitting their chick or hitting their grandfather. | ||
| Because they take it personally like you're attacking their parents. | ||
| They take it like they go, like, my mom's not a bad, my mom's a good mom. | ||
| You know, I deserved it. | ||
| They'll tell you that. | ||
| I deserved it. | ||
| Isn't it so weird that if anyone, if you said publicly, like, you know, that you give your girlfriend a slap if she acts the wrong way, everyone would universally be like, that is just pure evil. | ||
| But if you say the same thing to my two-year-old, my three-year-old, everyone's just kind of like, and then even more than that, people are like, oh, they don't do it enough. | ||
| But if you say, if my man talks too much shit, I smack him in his face, girls would be like, you go, girl. | ||
| Yes, that's true. | ||
| But I also don't care. | ||
| That's that motherfucker, no. | ||
| But that's because the power dynamic is the opposite way. | ||
| How about dating Cyborg? | ||
| That's a serious problem if you're dating Cyborg. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, seriously. | |
| She's hitting me. | ||
| Whatever, her hands are the fucking real issue. | ||
| She's gone, huh? | ||
| Out of the UFC? Yeah, man. | ||
| They fucked up. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| They made a video where it made it look like Dana White was saying that he... | ||
| They just docked... | ||
| They added words that he didn't say. | ||
| That was stupid. | ||
| So dumb. | ||
| Do you think it was malicious or do you think it was a legitimate mistake in terms of translating it? | ||
| There's no way it could be anything other than stupid. | ||
| Yeah, it was done on purpose. | ||
| It was done on purpose. | ||
| So it was just a stupid idea. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| And it's really bad timing. | ||
| Malicious, whatever it is. | ||
| Whoever did it, that's just a terrible error. | ||
| And it's really bad timing because she was almost uncuttable last year. | ||
| But now Amanda Nunes came and kind of took that juice. | ||
| And now it's like... | ||
| She's damaged goods if she decides to leave the UFC without a Nunes rematch. | ||
| If she beats Nunes, she gets it all back. | ||
| You know, but... | ||
| She's still a star. | ||
| Yeah, she'd go to 1FC. She'd go to Bellator. | ||
| She'd go to a lot of places and she'd still be welcome with open arms. | ||
| She's a walk down the street and gets a huge pop star. | ||
| She shows up at those weigh-in shows and the crowd flocks to her. | ||
| I remember just thinking that about her. | ||
| I saw her one time and there was... | ||
| I forget what event it was. | ||
| She came to the garden show and just sat in the front row of the UFC at the garden and the place was like, they were so excited for her just turning around and waving at people. | ||
| She was the first female Terminator. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gina Carano, that was the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Horrific. | |
| Watching her beat up Gina Carano gives me nightmares to this day. | ||
| It's a crazy fight, and the end of it, when there's a photo that we played on this podcast before of her cyborg's hand palming Gina's head with black fingernails, and she's punching her in the face at the same time. | ||
| So she's holding her head, slamming her fist in the face, like, I want out. | ||
| Gina was queen when it was like three-minute rounds. | ||
| Well, they all fought three-minute rounds back then for women, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Half tops, panties. | |
| You know, she was taking some stuff, you know, for sure. | ||
| Oh, sure. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| That's part of the issue, and she tested positive for some stuff. | ||
| You know, that's part of what it is. | ||
| That's part of what it is. | ||
| The build-up to the Gina Carano fight was when she choked out the news guy, right? | ||
| That was kind of viral. | ||
| It was her news guy to put her in a real naked choke, and she choked him unconscious. | ||
| And he comes back to it. | ||
| It's very uncomfortable and weird. | ||
| She didn't want to do it. | ||
| And then he was like, you can do it. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
| And then he just looks like... | ||
| It was one of those band knockouts where you get up and make noises. | ||
| I think dudes don't believe that they're really going to go out like that. | ||
| They don't believe they're going to go out so quick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I learned in the sixth grade, we used to do the thing where we would hyperventilate. | ||
| Knockout game? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| So, you bend over, and then you just breathe really heavy for like a minute, as hard as you can. | ||
| And then when you come up really fast, you're already lightheaded, then your friend puts his hands, his palms on your carotid arteries, and just presses. | ||
| Kind of light. | ||
| And then within three seconds, you just slide down the wall. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It was my first time I ever got high. | ||
| Yeah, but your friends will let you fall and hit your fucking head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, I didn't know! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You fall and bounce your fucking head off a curb. | ||
| You gotta catch him. | ||
| I gotta knock him out, man. | ||
| I gotta catch him. | ||
| I don't think that's necessarily that bad for you, but it's definitely not good for you. | ||
| Especially when you're 11. Yeah, you're developing your brain. | ||
| Yeah, you probably shouldn't do it. | ||
| Yeah, don't be choking out. | ||
| But it happens all the time in the gym and no one stops. | ||
| They get choked unconscious, they wake up and they go back to rolling again. | ||
| And the way they talk about it like it's a garden hose. | ||
| The garden hose shuts off the power to the brain and everything's fine. | ||
| But I'm like, man, you ain't a doctor. | ||
| You're just a guy who knows how to choke people. | ||
| Show me some long-term studies on dudes who've been choked unconscious multiple times. | ||
| Show me a doctor making garden hose analogies. | ||
| Call me a bitch. | ||
| I'll tap quick. | ||
| I'm not going unconscious, man. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| That's silly. | ||
| That going unconscious thing. | ||
| Who knows what that's doing? | ||
| You're going to the Netherlands. | ||
| You might come back a totally different person in a totally different life. | ||
| When you open your eyes like, has it been a hundred years? | ||
| You come back with a false memory of the past. | ||
| I've lived a hundred lives since then. | ||
| Since I was knocked out. | ||
| That happens to guys. | ||
| Because when they get hit and knocked out, when they come to, they do not know what happened. | ||
| And they have to be reminded over and over and over again. | ||
| I mean, it must feel like you woke up in a new dimension. | ||
| Like, it must feel surreal. | ||
| Well, Bisping told me that story after the Dan Henderson fight. | ||
| He literally had no idea what happened. | ||
| It was like he had no idea where he was. | ||
| He thought his fight was a few weeks out still. | ||
| It was some scary shit. | ||
| They said Ben Askren was saying he has no memory of anything in the arena after that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That was one of the worst knockouts I've ever seen. | ||
| That's what I was saying too with that slow-ass walk. | ||
| He had to walk out of the arena so slow. | ||
| It was one of the worst knockouts of all time. | ||
| The amount of power that your flying knee has when you're ducking into it is accentuated because he's going in for the takedown and he's got a strong takedown, right? | ||
| So he's going in with everything he has face first and running at him. | ||
| Oh my god, that's the biggest impact I think the sport's ever seen. | ||
| As we're talking about football players crashing into each other, that's the moment of impact. | ||
| The dangerous thing about two football players crashing their bodies into each other is exactly that. | ||
| And they, super athletes, creating that momentum, I mean, it's nuts. | ||
| How crazy is it to be undefeated, never to lose to anybody, and then that's your one, like, you're One Blemish is like the biggest knockout. | ||
| Ben talks so much shit that it sucks. | ||
| Because I like Ben. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| He's really funny. | ||
| I like Ben too. | ||
| He talks so much shit. | ||
| And when you talk shit like that and then you fucking lose, you just gotta eat those words. | ||
| You know, he's marketed himself amazingly. | ||
| And that's part of the marketing himself. | ||
| He has his own down-home version of talking shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, like, even his boom-roasted thing. | ||
| Like, you could tell, it's like he's almost kind of playing a doofus character. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But he's a very smart guy. | ||
| Like, I had him on the podcast, and he sends me book recommendations and shit. | ||
| He's like a really well-read, interesting guy. | ||
| He just, that's his character. | ||
| And part of his strategy is to annoy the fuck out of you. | ||
| But when you flatline him like that, after him annoying the fuck out of you... | ||
| What's that word? | ||
| Schadenfreude? | ||
| What's that word? | ||
| When people get their just desserts? | ||
| What is that called? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| It's the pleasure that you feel from someone else's Obvious demise, right? | ||
| That sounds right. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| Pleasure derived from another person's misfortune. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| But that technique, it's almost like in a weird way, that's what he was trying to get Masvidal to do, like go crazy, so the takedowns are there. | ||
| But if it doesn't work out, it goes very bad. | ||
| Well, Masvidal just took that chance with that flying knee entry, and he practiced it over and over and over again, and he kind of knew with the way he circled. | ||
| See, the way he circled, he circled off to the side, and then came at him that way. | ||
| So he knew he would go at him with leaning into him that way, and so it perfectly tied, because he was coming at him from the side. | ||
| He knew he was going to lean in that way. | ||
| But he also, Masvidal said he was like, I was real confident if you took me down, I was going to get back up. | ||
| And that does kind of demonstrate that. | ||
| Like, if you're real concerned about the takedown, you're probably not going to open with sprinting into a flying knee. | ||
| Which is funny, because Masvidal is not even a dude who is known for being this unbelievable wrestler. | ||
| The first time I saw Masvidal was an old-school Kimbo Slice Miami backyard fighting video. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he did those. | ||
| Dude, he came out and he fought this guy. | ||
| I think his name was Big Ray. | ||
| It was a guy who was like 230 pounds. | ||
| And it was George. | ||
| And it was like 180 pounds. | ||
| And he came out and he just boxed this dude up. | ||
| And it was so bad. | ||
| All the kids were following. | ||
| It was like chickens running around a backyard. | ||
| It was so hardcore. | ||
| And then he ends up being, I think, Strikeforce a few years later is when I saw him in MMA. And he's had a pretty crazy trajectory to be where he's at right now. | ||
| He is right on the cusp of being... | ||
| If he didn't win the title, he'd be one of the biggest stars in the sport. | ||
| He's one of the best motherfuckers in the sport, for sure. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| With everything, he's super well-rounded. | ||
| He can do everything. | ||
| His takedown defense is amazing. | ||
| He's got some of the best hands in the division period. | ||
| I mean, you look at him knocking out Darren Till with that leap in, left hook, the way he did it, the way he set it up. | ||
| He landed it earlier, and then he landed again. | ||
| He figured it out. | ||
| He figured out a spot where this guy's open. | ||
| There's like this dip in what he does, and he found that opening. | ||
| He's gotten better, right? | ||
| He's more dedicated. | ||
| And now he wants a big payday. | ||
| So they're probably talking about doing that Nate Diaz fight. | ||
| He'll get a big payday out of that one. | ||
| That's a big fight. | ||
| That fight will be huge. | ||
| Isn't it fucked up that Usman is the one that, almost out of all of the guys we're talking about, I'm least intrigued to watch fight next? | ||
| Oh man, I'm not. | ||
| I fucking love watching that guy fight because he's got this marauding, relentless style that's very similar to Colby's, except he hits harder. | ||
| And he'll try to take people out. | ||
| Colby just keeps that heat on you. | ||
| Yeah, but Colby's striking technique might be a little bit better. | ||
| It doesn't hit quite as hard, but the stuff he was showing against Robbie Lawler, those jabs and body kicks and stuff, I mean, that was pretty impressive. | ||
| You know, he's friends with my buddy Cam Haynes, and they train together. | ||
| And Cam's description of him, he said, listen, the guy talks all this crazy shit, right? | ||
| He's doing it, but he never stops training. | ||
| He's just constantly training. | ||
| That's why he's got that insane cardio. | ||
| He knows that's his biggest weapon. | ||
| His biggest weapon is, he's like, ready, keep up! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whee! | |
| And you've got to try to keep up. | ||
| And he's fucking going and going and going and going. | ||
| And everybody wills. | ||
| That's why I'm so interested to see Usman fight, because he's going to fight him. | ||
| And Usman does the same thing to people. | ||
| That's what he did. | ||
| I think Tyron, I think there was issues with Tyron going into that fight. | ||
| He looked like a shell of himself. | ||
| He wasn't firing back. | ||
| Some of that you've got to give credit to Usman. | ||
| That fucking pressure, that relentless pressure is striking. | ||
| He knows how to fight long. | ||
| He's got an incredible fucking ground and pound game. | ||
| He's got real knockout power. | ||
| Yeah, and Colby did a similar thing to Robbie Lawler where it kind of looked like, why isn't he firing back? | ||
| Because his back's on the cage. | ||
| He's getting taken down. | ||
| He's getting jabbed constantly and never has a moment to just reset and take a deep breath because he's just on you the whole fight. | ||
| Guys didn't used to fight that way. | ||
| And I talked to Colby about this. | ||
| We were talking about the principle of, like, how hard do you, when you punch him, how hard do you punch him? | ||
| He's like 70%. | ||
| So you just hit him with a steady stream of 70%. | ||
| You never see him bite down, fucking, argh! | ||
| You never see that. | ||
| Those, what DC always likes to call big actions, those big actions, those cost a lot of energy. | ||
| And you've got to figure out when to do those. | ||
| Maybe you're Francis Ngannou and those big actions lead to Alistair Overeem getting knocked into the Netherlands. | ||
| But if not, then you're going to blow out your gas like we saw him with Stipe Miocic. | ||
| Lifting him over his head in the first round. | ||
| And how cool does that look that you're holding this huge guy over your head and dropping him. | ||
| But then after that, you kind of just get a takedown. | ||
| He gets back up to his feet. | ||
| And then by the fourth round, you're kind of wondering, is that really good strategy to be lifting these guys over your head? | ||
| I was talking about Stipe when Stipe fought Francis Ngannou. | ||
| Oh, that one. | ||
| Yeah, sorry. | ||
| Manage to avoid the big actions of Ngannou and then wear him out and then take him down and beat him up and retain the title. | ||
| The only guy that's been able to survive Ngannou. | ||
| The DC fight is a hard one to watch, man, because he's the best guy in the world. | ||
| He's so nice. | ||
| I love that guy to death. | ||
| So watching him get his body destroyed, because he kept digging those left hooks to the body, I was like, woo! | ||
| Part of me was like, damn, that's a pretty punch. | ||
| How loud were those? | ||
| Fucking loud. | ||
| But it was the crispness of it. | ||
| He was standing in front of him, popping him, and then sliding, BAP! And he would just stick that fucking left hook into the liver, and he kept hitting it. | ||
| Part of me was like, man, that is a beautiful left hook. | ||
| Nasty body shots, but part of me was like, damn, DC, you've got to get away from that. | ||
| You've got to get out of there. | ||
| You've got to take this guy down. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| When you really love a guy and you're watching him fight, it's hard. | ||
| It's very, very difficult to do commentary. | ||
| You just... | ||
| What's the pain on the liver punches? | ||
| Dude, it fucking hurts. | ||
| What's the damage that can do that makes you like... | ||
| I've seen people crumble on it before. | ||
| You want me to hit you with one? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Please hit you with a liver punch. | ||
| But show me on Lewis. | ||
| You don't want it. | ||
| It's a horrible feeling where it like shocks your body. | ||
| Let me say, Joe. | ||
| Your body goes like... | ||
| How about this? | ||
| Show Dave where to hit me. | ||
| It's right here. | ||
| It's like almost getting shocked, like electrical. | ||
| It's in the lower... | ||
| If someone is standing in front of you and they hit you with a left hook, most likely they'd be hitting you in the liver. | ||
| And it's like right where these floating ribs are, tucked in there. | ||
| And when you slam someone hard, like right around the low... | ||
| You know who's one of the masters of it? | ||
| It's Canelo Alvarez. | ||
| Show Canelo Alvarez body shots. | ||
| Maybe there's a video we could look. | ||
| He's got a beautiful one where he steps in and just fucking rips that left hook to the liver. | ||
| And your body just goes... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just fucking shuts down. | |
| It's the weirdest feeling, man. | ||
| It's like your legs stop working. | ||
| Everything stops working. | ||
| Your whole body just... | ||
| It looks like it didn't happen to him until that last one. | ||
| I think he was playing poker face. | ||
| I think he was playing poker face. | ||
| Canelo is a fucking master at this shit. | ||
| He would just dig this thing. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| That one's only going to the side. | ||
| That's the kidneys, though. | ||
| Yeah, that's going to the side, but most of the time he's going to the liver. | ||
| Well, he's going to anything that's open, right? | ||
| But that's the liver. | ||
| He's going for the liver against Golovkin, but Golovkin's got that low guard with his right arm. | ||
| He's blocking it from happening. | ||
| The guy who's coming up next... | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| Like, it's a fun sport to do. | ||
| Well, when these kind of guys are fighting, when Triple G and Canelo are fighting, like, fuck. | ||
| It's like, if you're a fan of the sport, you've seen the highest level, two champions in their prime going after it. | ||
| It's amazing to watch. | ||
| But that punch is a... | ||
| Like, getting hit there is a terrible feeling. | ||
| And DC got hit there multiple times. | ||
| And he was, from like the second round on, he was... | ||
| You were talking about it when he was there, but he was just putting his hands down and kind of letting Stipe hit It's hard to watch. | ||
| That's a dangerous way to fight Stipe Miocic. | ||
| I think he just wanted to put pressure on him and make Stipe feel like he didn't deserve to be in there with him. | ||
| I think maybe in that approach he was trying to wear him out, which would keep the pressure on him and make him discouraged, or maybe he had genuine disdain for his abilities. | ||
| Maybe he really didn't think Stipe could hurt him, and he was just eventually going to catch him. | ||
| And then there was a lot of people that thought because of the way he knocked Stipe out, maybe Stipe isn't as durable as he used to be, right? | ||
| Because Stipe used to take tremendous shots from everybody, but then he got knocked out in one punch by DC after taking tremendous shots in the Ngannou fight. | ||
| So the question would be how much damage did he take in that Ngannou fight? | ||
| But then he came back and he ate everything that DC had to offer him. | ||
| He just kept eating it, taking it on the chin and eating it, and eventually he started taking over the fight. | ||
| And when he started ripping the body in the fourth round, it was like, whoa! | ||
| It was perfect. | ||
| I mean, I've never seen anybody have better body punches in a championship fight. | ||
| You think that was a corner call? | ||
| Or you think he just improvised and saw that it was opening? | ||
| He knows how to fight. | ||
| He saw an opening. | ||
| Everybody knows. | ||
| I mean, that's such a standard technique. | ||
| That's like a corner call if someone's throwing a leg kick. | ||
| It's so standard. | ||
| It was working so good. | ||
| Yeah, it never got blocked once. | ||
| DC didn't have an answer. | ||
| He didn't have an answer to it. | ||
| He didn't duck it. | ||
| He didn't block it. | ||
| He didn't try to take him down. | ||
| He just kind of got stuck. | ||
| The problem with those liver shots, too, is they sap your energy so bad, and you can't make a big move anymore. | ||
| So you have to kind of pretend like everything's okay, and then, bam, he hits you again. | ||
| You're like, oh, shit. | ||
| We're in trouble here. | ||
| But still, you're looking like nothing's wrong. | ||
| But your gas tank is fucked. | ||
| Everything's on empty, and you're fucked. | ||
| You really can't fire back. | ||
| That's why DC didn't fire back, and he kept getting shot to that body. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| And every time, bang, he gets shot to that body. | ||
| You see it in his... | ||
| And then Stipe got him against the cage, started uncorking punches, and DC just didn't have anything... | ||
| His body was shutting down. | ||
| Didn't have anything in him to stop that onslaught. | ||
| I mean, it's amazing. | ||
| That guy's the... | ||
| Stipe's the most successful heavyweight in the history of the sport. | ||
| And Daniel Cormier, whether he fights again or not, he's one of the greatest ever. | ||
| Legend. | ||
| But he also is, what is he, 42? | ||
| He's 40. 40. Yeah, I believe. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| He's 40, yeah, yeah. | ||
| DC, that might be part of it, too. | ||
| Yoel's 42. Could be. | ||
| 42, yeah. | ||
| Yoel's 42. When you look at, like, you know, DC... What he's done, it's incredible. | ||
| Nobody else has ever done that. | ||
| It's probably hard to convince him of that. | ||
| The big fight is the Stipe fight, honestly. | ||
| Because beating guys for the vacated crown in light heavyweight is not the same as beating Jon Jones. | ||
| But beating Stipe is like beating the heavyweight version of Jon Jones. | ||
| That's the biggest accomplishment ever. | ||
| And I liked him at heavyweight because he wasn't getting drained. | ||
| But I just don't think that was... | ||
| I don't know, maybe he couldn't have fought him any other way, but I don't think that was the best strategy, the dropping of the hands and the moving toward him with disdain. | ||
| But maybe that would have worked on some guys, and maybe that has worked on other guys, like Rumble Johnson. | ||
| It worked on him. | ||
| He eventually puts that heat on you, and so many guys crack under that heat. | ||
| As a friend, do you want to see him fight a third fight? | ||
| That is entirely dependent upon where his head's at. | ||
| I mean, first of all, I'm sure he's a very intelligent guy with a lot of years of competition under his belt, whether it's Olympics, Wrestling at the highest level, whether it's UFC, Strikeforce before that, he's fought for a long time. | ||
| Nobody needs to tell him when to make decisions and when not. | ||
| He's emotional right now. | ||
| I'm sure he's going to take some time off, and he'll probably consult with his family and probably figure out what he wants to do, but I bet... | ||
| If I had to guess, his competitive instincts are going to tell him that he could have at least one more fight and that it would be a rematch with Stipe because he was dominating the first round and he let it get away from him and he wasn't listening to his corner. | ||
| Crazy Bob Cook was yelling in his corner, keep your damn hands up. | ||
| You know, he didn't like it. | ||
| Bob Cook didn't like it. | ||
| He respected. | ||
| Stipe's a giant man. | ||
| He's a fucking big motherfucker. | ||
| Big, long, tall Croatian. | ||
| And he's tough as shit, man. | ||
| And I think because Daniel knocked him out in the first round, in the first fight, you know, he believed he could knock him out again. | ||
| But Stipe could take a goddamn shot this time. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You never know why a guy gets knocked out that way with one punch. | ||
| It was a perfect punch, for sure. | ||
| The way he threw it was beautiful. | ||
| The way he threw it from inside the clinch, comes over the top of the shoulder, blam, and lands that perfect punch that KO'd Stipe. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It was also such a competitive fight that I'm super intrigued to see a third fight. | ||
| It's not a foregone conclusion that Stipe is going to be able to do that again. | ||
| Daniel can adjust, he can come out with a better game plan, and he can win that fight. | ||
| And it's, in my opinion, the best fight at heavyweight, competitively. | ||
| I don't think Angano would be a good fight, but I think that Stipe wins that again. | ||
| I'm not convinced. | ||
| I mean, I think Ngannou might be the next guy. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| I mean, I think he might be the champ for a while. | ||
| Well, he's definitely got what it takes. | ||
| Because he's got one thing. | ||
| That 100% one-punch knockout power. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Not a fucking human's gonna be there if he full-on connects and smashes one through your guard. | ||
| Everyone goes night-night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everyone. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| 100% of the humans that have ever walked here go night-night if that guy punches you full blast. | ||
| But it's whether or not he's going to be able to do that to Stipe. | ||
| We all thought he had a chance of doing it the first time, but Stipe shut it down. | ||
| Maybe he's better now, but maybe Stipe is going to come into this fight even more energized after beating DC and winning his title back. | ||
| Maybe he saw something from that fight that if he had to do it again, he would have implemented really quickly. | ||
| Stipe, he did not want to take another fight. | ||
| Whatever place he was in, he was fucking in his firehouse, lacing up his boots every day, just thinking about getting that title back. | ||
| He does not want to lose that title again. | ||
| People were ignoring him, man. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| Everybody was so concentrated on the Brock Lesnar idea. | ||
| That they were ignoring him. | ||
| It's weird because when somebody said that the other day, whatever publication was talking about CBA being the greatest heavyweight of all time, this is before the fight. | ||
| I remember going like, is he? | ||
| And then you start listing off his credentials and you realize that he has the most defenses. | ||
| He's also fought the most competitive defense. | ||
| Title defenses as well. | ||
| Then it becomes a little more apparent. | ||
| I almost understand it, and I'm a pretty big fan of the sport, but I remember I wasn't chomping at the bit for the rematch for him. | ||
| It wasn't like I was like, I really want to see that Stipe Daniel Cormier rematch, and I can't even put my finger on why. | ||
| Oh, I did. | ||
| I wanted to see it bad. | ||
| I wanted to see it real bad. | ||
| I wanted to see, and I like the fact that it was 13 months later, so I think it gave his body some time to heal up. | ||
| I think when you fight in Ghana, it's like getting hit by a train. | ||
| I mean, you might live. | ||
| You might go flying into a fucking tree, and you come down a day later. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| It's just like when DJ Jazzy Jeff will get thrown out of the clubs. | ||
| Yeah, but I think if he keeps it together, he's the next guy. | ||
| I mean, he's the next guy in line to be the champion. | ||
| I mean, he has everything to lose. | ||
| He has the championship to lose. | ||
| If Stipe retires, when Stipe's done, Francis is the fucking man. | ||
| And maybe Francis beats him in a rematch. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Again, all he has to do is connect. | ||
| He would be a different guy in the rematch. | ||
| He would understand what it's like to go five hard rounds with the guy who could take you down and beat you up. | ||
| He would understand that his wrestling has to be on point, his cardio has to be on point, and there's not going to be times where he can 100% unload and know for sure the guy's not going to be there because the guy survived and he didn't have the gas tank for the remaining four rounds. | ||
| And so this is going to be a new guy that Stipe fights, and he might very well just play it smooth and just stay on the outside and pick his shots, and then when he gets them hurt, then uncork. | ||
| I mean, we don't know. | ||
| But we don't know. | ||
| Stipe might take him down quicker this time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, maybe. | |
| Stipe might say, fuck all this stand-up, dude. | ||
| Let's just wrestle. | ||
| He'd just come at him, pump a few jabs, shoot a fucking double on him and take him down. | ||
| Dude, he took down D.C. Stipe took down D.C. That's giant. | ||
| The only other guy who's ever done that is Jon Jones. | ||
| And Stipe did it more emphatically. | ||
| I mean, it was pretty goddamn impressive. | ||
| Well, that's the other one at heavyweight I want to see. | ||
| Before Jon Jones retires, I want to see him fight at heavyweight. | ||
| Yes, that's what I was pushing for. | ||
| I want to see Jon Jones at 235 pounds. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Steroids to the gills. | ||
| Picograms falling out of his asshole. | ||
| Just fucking, just a monster, dude. | ||
| I would love to see if he could handle Stipe. | ||
| Or if Cormier wanted that fight. | ||
| If Daniel Cormier and Jon Jones wanted to fight again, I'd want to see that fight at heavyweight. | ||
| Well, I guarantee you if Jon Jones fights at heavyweight, he'll probably be at just what he walks around at. | ||
| Because the word around Jackson's was that he would wrestle with heavyweights and just ragdoll them. | ||
| That he would throw people around the gym. | ||
| I mean, when I talked to Tate Fletcher when he was down there and other guys who trained with Jon when Jon was down at Jackson's as a light heavyweight champion, was just ragdolling heavyweights. | ||
| He's a phenomenally powerful guy. | ||
| And you really saw that in the Cormier fight. | ||
| I think Cormier was... | ||
| I was shocked in that first fight of how fucking strong John is. | ||
| I mean, he's a long, thin guy, but he is ridiculously strong. | ||
| And I think as a heavyweight, he'd be a fuckload to handle for a lot of guys. | ||
| Yeah, I want to say, and I think he actually, he has the star power to... | ||
| I think that puts the UFC on the map in a weird way. | ||
| Because they haven't really had the major star as a heavyweight champion. | ||
| Like that fucking dude who is like... | ||
| Best in the world, pound for pound best. | ||
| As a heavyweight champion. | ||
| As a heavyweight champion. | ||
| But if John could beat Stipe, that would be that. | ||
| He's definitely the best pound for pound fighter in the UFC right now. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| You look at his accomplishments, it's arguably he's the best pound for pound fighter ever because he's really never lost. | ||
| The one Matt Hamill fight, they're trying to reverse that because it was a bad decision. | ||
| It was a bad decision to disqualify him. | ||
| It was a bad decision to disqualify him. | ||
| They destroyed him. | ||
| Yeah, make it a no contest. | ||
| So he's still undefeated. | ||
| That's what it really should have been. | ||
| My only problem with it is... | ||
| It really should be a victory. | ||
| He crushed him. | ||
| Oh yeah, it was ridiculous. | ||
| Matt Hamill doesn't feel like it's a win. | ||
| So that's the thing. | ||
| The guy's never really lost. | ||
| So if you look at his career, who the fuck can say that? | ||
| Who the fuck has fought Lyoto Machida, Rashad Evans, Rampage Jackson, the top of the food chain, over and over and over again. | ||
| Through generations. | ||
| Through generations. | ||
| Like three or four different generations of the best guys. | ||
| Gustafson, everybody. | ||
| You can look at that. | ||
| There's actually a number. | ||
| That one loss on his record, if you could really break it down, there was some sort of statistician that could come in and really look at it. | ||
| There's a number, an amount of money that he's lost because he has that loss on his record. | ||
| Whatever it is, marketability. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Definitely, there has to be something. | ||
| I have to go. | ||
| You do have to go. | ||
| It's 2 o'clock. | ||
| You've got to wrap this bitch up. | ||
| Gentlemen, thank you as always. | ||
| You cucked out again. | ||
| I was going to come in blackface. | ||
| They wouldn't let me. | ||
| We stopped it outside. | ||
| I appreciate you guys. | ||
| I appreciate Skankfest. | ||
| I think it's awesome what you guys are doing for comedy. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| You're just going for it. | ||
| And that's what we need more of. | ||
| We need more of people that are doing real comedy. | ||
| And you guys do it. | ||
| I appreciate the fuck out of it. | ||
| And I support you at every turn. | ||
| Thanks, brother. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| You're the man. | ||
| We really appreciate it. | ||
| Love you, buddy. | ||
| Bye, fuckers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was fun. |
Export Selection