Speaker | Time | Text |
---|---|---|
unidentified
|
Hey Santino! | |
Good to see you, brother. | ||
Good to see you, brother. | ||
How are you? | ||
Good, man. | ||
That charcoal. | ||
It's you. | ||
That's me. | ||
I sent Santino a picture. | ||
I'll send it to you, Jamie. | ||
unidentified
|
I saw it. | |
You seen it? | ||
It's so fucking funny. | ||
I want residuals on that shit. | ||
What is it called? | ||
Lucky Dev? | ||
Or... | ||
Bro, it's you. | ||
It's me. | ||
What's it called? | ||
It's you with a steak. | ||
Devil something? | ||
Something. | ||
I put it up online. | ||
I was like, this is so fucking funny. | ||
This is me with my own charcoal company called... | ||
If you're in the market for some charcoal, man... | ||
Oh, Jealous Devil. | ||
That's what it is. | ||
That's so me. | ||
With that beard. | ||
Fucking steak down there with a knife. | ||
Jealous Devil. | ||
Barbecue is the only truly manly way of cooking. | ||
Like, nobody brags about having a baker's hat on. | ||
Yeah, there it is. | ||
There it is. | ||
Ha ha ha! | ||
All natural hardwood. | ||
Hardwood charcoal, bitch. | ||
Lump. | ||
Do you smoke? | ||
I use a Traeger. | ||
You know what that is? | ||
It's like a pellet grill. | ||
Pellet grills are shit, man. | ||
They're so easy. | ||
And then do you finish in a skillet or no? | ||
That's the way to go, right, baby? | ||
With beef tallow. | ||
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
What is that? | ||
What is that? | ||
And you know what else I use? | ||
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
Minced garlic and rosemary. | ||
I put rosemary in the cast iron skillet with the beef tallow. | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
It gives like an extra, an extra. | ||
I learned that in an Italian restaurant. | ||
I was going to say. | ||
I was like, what are you guys doing? | ||
He's like, we use a rosemary. | ||
Rosemary. | ||
Rosemary on the ribeye. | ||
From the back we use the rosemary. | ||
It's a wonderful ribeye. | ||
If I go to an Italian restaurant and the dude talks like that, I am excited. | ||
Yeah, I'm stoked. | ||
I'm more pumped. | ||
If it's just a regular person, even if they're nice, I'm disappointed. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Even if it's like the nicest waiter ever, I'm like, dude, you seem like a great guy, but damn, I wish you were from Italy. | ||
Yeah, he's like, I'm just whipping you guys up, some Fredicini Alfredo. | ||
You're like, ugh, nobody from Italy back there, man? | ||
You Malibu fuck. | ||
That's a weird one, right? | ||
It's like Italian restaurants particularly. | ||
Like, I go to a Greek restaurant, I would hope the guy would not have an accent. | ||
I don't need him to have an accent. | ||
I wouldn't care if he's from Greece. | ||
He could or he couldn't, as long as I can understand him, that's great. | ||
Right. | ||
But I don't require it. | ||
Nah. | ||
But I require it at an Italian restaurant. | ||
Yeah, because there's something about it that's different. | ||
And then everywhere else, Mexican. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Everything else is Mexican. | ||
Chinese, made by Mexicans. | ||
If it's Chinese, people making Mexican food, or Mexican people making Chinese food, it's always one of those weird things. | ||
You're like, huh. | ||
Okay. | ||
Is this going to measure up? | ||
You get those, though, like at those, you know, those chain places. | ||
Yeah, those chain... | ||
What's it called? | ||
P.F. Chang's? | ||
No, P.F. Chang's is not as much... | ||
That's like a restaurant. | ||
Like, you order it. | ||
P.F. Chang's is pretty fucking good. | ||
But that's all Mexicans cooking that shit. | ||
unidentified
|
Probably. | |
Yeah. | ||
There's no Chinese guy who greets you at the door? | ||
You're talking Italian food. | ||
Have you ever been to a Bucca di Beppo? | ||
Oh, bro. | ||
In college, that was my job, is valeting a Bucca di Beppo. | ||
If you want straight-up, filling, old-school Italian food, Bucca di Beppo, bro, they will hook you up. | ||
They try to fucking kill you. | ||
Wait a minute. | ||
Bucca di Beppo is the Chinese food of Italian places. | ||
Do you know what I mean? | ||
Like how Chinese places give you way too much food? | ||
Bucca di Beppo is like 50 pounds of fucking pasta when you go to Bucca di Beppo. | ||
They bring that aluminum tin out with the rigatoni and you're like, who the fuck are you? | ||
For a full fucking kingdom, who can eat the food? | ||
You and your servants. | ||
Listen, this is silly. | ||
Yeah, it's absurd. | ||
You're turning me into an asshole. | ||
And that's also rigatoni, like that kind of food, you keep going. | ||
You keep going even when it hurts. | ||
You don't stop. | ||
Like that carb, when you're eating like a good linguine with clams, you're like, oh, mmm. | ||
While you're eating, it's so gluttonous. | ||
It's like, bleh! | ||
The chewy goo that has no nutritional value is going in your stomach like, oh, it's so good. | ||
You can't wait for more. | ||
It's mixed in with some sauce to give the illusion of healthiness. | ||
Ooh, there's a little bit of green on it. | ||
And you're just like, ugh, when your body's trying to process it afterwards. | ||
Ugh. | ||
You feel fucked up. | ||
Sometimes when you eat too much pasta, you feel like drunk. | ||
I feel like stoned or drunk. | ||
Yeah, you're broken. | ||
My body's just like... | ||
All your resources. | ||
Slamming all that shit down. | ||
It's so fucking gross and good. | ||
Everybody remembers from the time we were kids. | ||
Apparently, someone told me that you don't get a significant enough amount of tryptophan from Turkey for it to put you to sleep like that. | ||
Yeah, I've heard it's bullshit. | ||
I want I don't know if that's true, though. | ||
Can we Google if that's true? | ||
So I've been told that there's always tryptophan that's been in turkey, but the running joke is that after Thanksgiving dinner, you pass out, but that's actually because of all the other shit. | ||
You're eating fucking mashed potatoes, tons of carbs, fucking Hawaiian bread rolls, carbs. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Contrary to popular belief, eating turkey isn't the main reason you feel sleepy after a Thanksgiving feast. | ||
The oft-repeded turkey myth stems from the fact that turkey contains an amino acid tryptophan. | ||
Which forms the basis of brain chemicals to make people tired, but it's not true. | ||
I mean, it does, but it's not the thing that knocks you out. | ||
Being a fat fuck and sitting on your couch and drinking 40 beers is what makes you sleepy. | ||
Yeah, so it says tryptophan is a component of the brain chemical serotonin, which gets converted into the well-known sleep-inducing hormone melatonin. | ||
And poultry and many other foods also contain tryptophan. | ||
Chicken's got it. | ||
Similar amounts. | ||
Yep. | ||
Gram for gram, cheddar cheese actually contains more tryptophan than turkey does. | ||
Suck on that, cheeseheads. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Cheese folks. | ||
It's just being a glutton, man. | ||
Yeah, you just become a fat piece of shit and you just feel like you're supposed to keep eating and eating and eating. | ||
There's an interview with Cat Williams who's sitting in the back of a limo. | ||
I talked about this with Miss Pat where he talked about not eating before shows. | ||
And I was like, he's right. | ||
Like, why would I eat before shows? | ||
And it made me realize, oh, eating before shows is a terrible idea. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Because then your body's got to process all that and you come out like half-assed. | ||
We don't know. | ||
We never eat before shows. | ||
When we do shows, we never eat before shows. | ||
After shows is actually when it tastes the fucking best. | ||
I'll have some fruit. | ||
I'll have a little bit of fruit before a show. | ||
I'll have a little something. | ||
Like a little baby thing. | ||
I don't mind some fruit. | ||
Because you have some fruit, it's like you're getting some carbohydrates, you're getting some sugar, you're getting some fiber. | ||
It's super easy to digest, like melon. | ||
You know, melon, your body's just... | ||
You could lift. | ||
You could eat melon and then do a sick kettlebell workout. | ||
Like, it's not going to fuck you. | ||
No. | ||
Melon's easy. | ||
It's a little baby sugar rush, too, that probably helps your energy a little bit. | ||
Your body just, you mash it into mush so quick, and it just goes sliding down there. | ||
Your body's like, oh, we got this. | ||
We should do the tired tour where we just eat a huge meal before we get on stage and see what comes out of that fucking shit. | ||
Compare melon to like a stromboli. | ||
Like one of those ridiculous fucking sausage and cheese with the layers of the bread on the outside. | ||
And the cheese is burnt on the top. | ||
You know, they burn it on the top. | ||
And you take a couple of bites of that and you're just like... | ||
And you just keep going. | ||
But if you looked at, like, the size of what you would eat on one of those motherf- Oh, lasagna. | ||
Look at that shit. | ||
A buka de bepa lasagna. | ||
You want the layers and layers? | ||
We fucking got it. | ||
That will take you down, son. | ||
You ain't doing no fucking crosswords after that. | ||
Cheese, pasta, cheese, pasta, pasta, cheese. | ||
Sit the fuck down. | ||
There's more cheese coming. | ||
You ain't playing no puzzles, bitch. | ||
I would wonder if the brain activity slows down so much more. | ||
I wonder what the active level of brain activity is when your stomach is filled. | ||
Oh yeah, you're useless. | ||
unidentified
|
I feel like a fucking moron. | |
I bet you lose like 80 points of IQ. You have just enough to get around. | ||
Someone should come to you and try to get you to do things. | ||
You'll fucking sign off on stuff. | ||
You'll change your marriage license. | ||
You're like, just get, fucking leave me alone. | ||
What do I gotta write? | ||
Right there? | ||
Fellas, you want your wife to sign a prenup, go ahead and fatter out on puka de beppo lasagna, and then she'll sign whatever the fuck you want. | ||
She'll give up. | ||
I don't think I could, like, when I drive home after having a full meal, I feel more fucked up and, like, out of it than if I have a couple of drinks. | ||
Well, you're definitely slower. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Your reaction time would be slower if you were full and you were driving. | ||
Just like it's, just like you're tired when you're full and you don't talk as well. | ||
You don't articulate things as quickly. | ||
Yeah, it's got to be related. | ||
I worked there for four years. | ||
That's why I know so much about it. | ||
But part of the thing you're supposed to sell at the end of the meal is like limoncello or espresso because it's supposed to be like a digestive. | ||
I don't know if it's bullshit. | ||
A diuretic. | ||
But maybe it is something to that where it helps you digest a little better. | ||
In Italy, they all do it as an end of the meal to clear you out a little bit. | ||
The acid's going to help you break down some shit. | ||
That's where the espresso kicks in. | ||
And the chairs in Italy turn into toilets. | ||
You know that, right? | ||
In Brazil, when you go to those churrascarias, they have this delicious dessert that has papaya in it. | ||
And it's like a papaya smoothie. | ||
It's like a blended papaya drink. | ||
Like a dessert, rather. | ||
And they have that specifically because the enzymes in papaya help break down the meat. | ||
Oh, it does. | ||
It's wild. | ||
And it's fucking delicious, dude. | ||
It's so good. | ||
What's that chain, that Brazilian chain? | ||
Fogo de Chão. | ||
Fogo de Chão, yeah. | ||
That's it right there, dude. | ||
Sun that will fucking rock you at the end of a good meal. | ||
Is there booze in there? | ||
You can get booze. | ||
You should be. | ||
They have a guy who comes by. | ||
I usually say no because I'm not a drunk. | ||
But you? | ||
I would say pour it. | ||
That's the first question I ask. | ||
Is there booze in there? | ||
It's good with booze. | ||
It's good without booze, too. | ||
It's just good. | ||
I love those places. | ||
I went there with that UFO guy, Bob Lazar. | ||
Oh, you did? | ||
Lazar went there with you? | ||
Yeah. | ||
And Schultz. | ||
Andrew Schultz wanted me to. | ||
And Jeremy Corbell, the guy who made the documentary. | ||
We all sat around talking to him. | ||
That Lazar dude freaked me the fuck out, man. | ||
Ooh, he's a freak out. | ||
Made me want to move. | ||
I, you know, I had no indication that he's full of shit. | ||
I mean, I was... | ||
Zero bullshit meter? | ||
Here's the thing, man. | ||
When you've told a story for as many years as many times as he did, it's super hard to be consistent if you're just making everything up. | ||
It's super hard to... | ||
To have things that you're saying back then that everybody says don't even exist eventually turn out to be true. | ||
It's very difficult to deny that. | ||
These are parts of his initial story. | ||
His initial story had something to do with this thing called Element 115, which most people didn't even recognize that it actually existed. | ||
Until much later, right? | ||
That's a big feature of it. | ||
When did he start talking about it? | ||
He started talking about the 80s. | ||
Yeah, that was 70s, 80s, right? | ||
unidentified
|
I think. | |
A long time ago. | ||
But it's about... | ||
Look, I don't know enough about elements and the table to understand it. | ||
You're talking to a state school kid. | ||
We're both stupid. | ||
You're probably more educated than me, though. | ||
But at the end of the day... | ||
This guy is obviously smart as fuck, and he's a scientist that definitely worked at Los Alamos lab. | ||
There's a record of him there. | ||
And they tried to deny that, and they tried to erase it. | ||
That alone tells me, just the fact that they tried to say that he didn't exist, he never worked at Los Alamos lab. | ||
That's freaking me out, man. | ||
That's huge freaky. | ||
In the 1980s, you don't think they could just erase your past? | ||
Right, right. | ||
You don't think that they could just erase your birth certificate or erase your medical records or erase your dental records? | ||
They could do whatever they wanted back then. | ||
Tell me you saw that documentary about the three identical strangers. | ||
Did you watch that? | ||
I heard about it. | ||
I didn't see it. | ||
Bro. | ||
I heard. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
I mean, essentially, in so many words, without divulging too much, three brothers are born, triplets are born, and they are separated at birth, unbeknownst to them. | ||
They grow up completely independently, run into each other later in life. | ||
This was in the 70s, I think it was, 70s? | ||
And they meet publicly on... | ||
Not Donahue, but one of those fucking big shows. | ||
You know, like they bring them all together. | ||
And they end up finding out later in the documentary, spoiler alert, that there's a company who is doing this. | ||
That's doing trial tests on babies that are separated and putting them with different families to find out if they end up growing up with similar characteristics. | ||
Nature versus nurture. | ||
Yeah, nature versus nurture. | ||
Scientific experiment. | ||
But imagine how sick you have to be. | ||
Fuck. | ||
To decide to separate kids. | ||
Yep. | ||
And show up and test their family to find out how they're growing these children. | ||
Gross as fuck. | ||
You watched it, right, Jamie? | ||
They'd come test them every week or two, and they'd be doing checkups, and the parents almost didn't even know. | ||
I'm not sure. | ||
Well, one of the parents seemed to be more keen about it, and the other ones just felt like, well, they were getting money for it, so they were like, this is just a part of a program that we're in. | ||
Bro, how is that much different than aliens abducting people? | ||
That's what I'm saying. | ||
It's not. | ||
It's not. | ||
That's my point. | ||
If they got away with that... | ||
You're doing an involuntary life and genetics test. | ||
Bro... | ||
Involuntary. | ||
Supposedly, they have the data from that, too. | ||
Like, the nurse or the assistant from the doctor that was doing it says there is data. | ||
She has read it, but it has never been released, and it should be because they fucked up all these people's lives. | ||
Oh, wait, wait, wait. | ||
You're leaving out an important part. | ||
It's in a library, in, like, Harvard Library, and it legally can't be released to the public. | ||
It's something that's... | ||
It's someone's holding onto it, and it cannot be released. | ||
They've tried hundreds of times, and it's got a... | ||
2050 release date or whatever. | ||
They're waiting for these people to die. | ||
Yeah. | ||
So then they'll just go away and no one will think about it anymore. | ||
It's fucking... | ||
Dude, watch it. | ||
It'll fuck you up. | ||
I'm scared. | ||
And then you find out in the documentary they're not the only ones. | ||
They've done this over and over and over and over. | ||
Oh, God. | ||
Dude, I'm sitting on a plane watching it. | ||
That's reptilian. | ||
Yes. | ||
You know when you're on a plane watching something so good and you look around like to other people, you're like... | ||
unidentified
|
No one's watching it, but I'm like, it's fucking shit. | |
It was so trippy, man. | ||
It's so trippy. | ||
So yes, do I think that Lazar had people trying to ix out his pen? | ||
For sure. | ||
For sure. | ||
And look, there's a lot of other stuff. | ||
That you gotta go, hmm, I don't know. | ||
How do you prove that? | ||
How do you explain that? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Isn't that like anything in our world? | ||
What do you believe in? | ||
The big questions are, is it education background? | ||
That was a big one. | ||
What do you mean, credibility-wise? | ||
No, whether or not he actually was educated at a certain place. | ||
I'm not, I can't, this is a fucked up one, but I can't say what he told me. | ||
I... But essentially, without saying it, it had to do with projects he was working on. | ||
Currently? | ||
No, at the time. | ||
Oh, right, right. | ||
When he was working at Los Alamos Labs. | ||
I can't say anything more than that. | ||
Fuck! | ||
And now the internet explodes. | ||
But I don't know if it's true. | ||
Right. | ||
I mean, I told them I wouldn't say anything, so I said I wouldn't say anything. | ||
And I'm not going to say anything. | ||
But whatever he said about all these different things, only he knows if it's true. | ||
So when you're talking to a guy, he doesn't seem like a liar. | ||
Seems like he's very intelligent. | ||
He's talking about all kinds of different things. | ||
Very intelligent. | ||
So either he's running the greatest 30-year con of all time. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Or, maybe this really did happen. | ||
When you talk to him, you're just guessing. | ||
You don't know. | ||
I don't know his life. | ||
I don't know his real life, right? | ||
Just guessing. | ||
But he seems like a guy who's seen some shit and just didn't know what to do and told some friends about it and then went to the news. | ||
And that's what that George Knapp guy, who was the investigative journalist that studied this case, over all the years, like this guy's never wavered. | ||
Like he's stuck with the story over and over. | ||
And things have shown to be true that they said were science fiction. | ||
Like there was this equipment they had at Los Alamos Labs that he talked about where it was this thing that measured the distance or the size, rather, of the digits in your finger. | ||
Apparently it's like a great, like your fingers, the inches are specific. | ||
And so if you put your hand down on that thing and then Jamie's hand, it would give a different measurement. | ||
Like there's different, each bone is a different length. | ||
And the exact length is like 1.7, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
You know, 1.7 inches. | ||
Like whatever measurement tool they use. | ||
It was calculating the length of your fingers through some kind of buggy system that he said didn't really work that often. | ||
But people said that's science fiction, it doesn't exist. | ||
And then they finally got photos of these things. | ||
People that worked at Los Alamos Labs concluded, or they conceded that these were a real thing. | ||
But for a long time they were fighting it, being like, that's not real. | ||
Some people that didn't know were saying, he made that stuff up, it doesn't exist. | ||
But it showed it does exist, and it did exist right there where he worked. | ||
He even took them on a tour through the labs. | ||
Like, he knew where everything was. | ||
He used to work there. | ||
So when they went there with the documentary crew, with Jeremy Korbel, they just walked him through. | ||
He showed where he worked. | ||
He walked right in there. | ||
Look, maybe the guy's running the craziest con game of all time, and he's just a super genius and way smarter than me, and he tricked me, and he thinks it's hilarious. | ||
Or maybe he saw some shit. | ||
What he was explaining that made it more and more interesting was how compartmentalized it was. | ||
And about how the problem with being so compartmentalized is that science is based on free exchange of information. | ||
You have to have guys who are testing all these different things and working on them together. | ||
That's the only way you can do it. | ||
So he's limited to a couple of guys that are working on the propulsion system, and then there's a couple other guys that are working on the metallurgy and a couple other guys that are working on the navigation system. | ||
And they chose him because he was kind of a maniac, and he put a fucking jet engine in the back of a Honda. | ||
And it was on the cover of the Los Alamos newspaper. | ||
And it said in the article about Bob Lazar with his fucking jet-powered Honda that he was a scientist at Los Alamos lab, a physicist. | ||
So this was in the newspaper they printed this one. | ||
This guy was doing this thing where he said he was living at the time in the area where Los Alamos was, and it said in the newspaper that he worked at the lab. | ||
There's a fucking logbook of employees. | ||
It's got his name in it from that time. | ||
A guy had it. | ||
He showed it. | ||
They took photos of it. | ||
They showed it to everybody. | ||
Look, we have an employee logbook. | ||
Or the employee directory, rather. | ||
Robert Lazar, right there. | ||
So he worked there. | ||
He really did work there. | ||
How could you fabricate that shit? | ||
Everybody's scared to talk. | ||
All the people he worked with are scared to talk. | ||
Why do you think, though? | ||
Look at what's happening to him, man. | ||
He looks like a fool. | ||
The FBI raids his house. | ||
Everybody calls him crazy. | ||
He didn't want to have anything to do with this. | ||
The only reason why he wanted to do my podcast... | ||
Wanted one more chance to just get it out in a form where it's just him talking. | ||
And he felt like he and I, we both talked about it. | ||
I think me and you talking. | ||
I'll just let you talk. | ||
You tell me what happened. | ||
And I'll let everybody figure out if it's true. | ||
I don't know. | ||
What do you think, honestly? | ||
There was parts of me that said maybe I'm just dumber than this guy and he's like really manipulative and maybe he just knows how to tell a story and stick with it. | ||
You're pretty fucking keen, dude. | ||
I know, but it's a tricky thing, man. | ||
You can get cocky. | ||
You can get cocky. | ||
You can get cocky and think that you know that someone's not full of shit. | ||
Yeah, but I feel like you talk to enough fucking people who are and aren't full of shit that your meter is higher than most. | ||
I'm also nice. | ||
So when I'm trying to talk to someone, I want things to work out well in conversation. | ||
You're giving the benefit of the doubt often. | ||
I want them to have a good time when we're talking. | ||
I don't want to confront people. | ||
Even if I angrily disagree with every fiber in my being... | ||
As I've gotten older and better at it, better at talking to people, I avoid that kind of conflict. | ||
Right. | ||
I just, I don't think it's necessary. | ||
But I just don't, I just think your bullshit meter is keen enough where you'd be like, I don't know. | ||
I think it's super cocky to say that. | ||
I would like to think it is. | ||
Yeah, my ego would like to say, bro, I can fucking tell. | ||
You can't lie to me, bro. | ||
Just try to lie. | ||
I've had people lie to me, man. | ||
Dude, I know NASA, bro. | ||
That ain't NASA stuff, you know what I mean? | ||
I think there's times when you know someone's full of shit. | ||
And there's times where you think you know someone's full of shit and you're wrong. | ||
This whole thing of looking in someone's eye and talking to them. | ||
Sometimes someone will tell you something like, oh, bro, I didn't even know you called me. | ||
You're like, you motherfucker. | ||
You see it right in their eyes. | ||
Like, you piece of shit. | ||
unidentified
|
You didn't know. | |
I didn't see your text, man. | ||
I didn't even see it. | ||
You didn't? | ||
It said you fucking saw it. | ||
Come on, bitch. | ||
Yeah, fuck that shit. | ||
Well, who knows? | ||
I don't know. | ||
It freaked me out. | ||
I'm not gonna lie. | ||
It was like fucking... | ||
Sometimes you have to do that to people. | ||
What? | ||
Hey, man, I didn't get your call. | ||
Really? | ||
Is it better off to say hey I find you a little annoying And very needy and so when I get a phone call From you often I cringe I do like you And I enjoy our time but sometimes I just can't sometimes I can't That's probably the most healthy version But you can't say that No you can't you have to go like this you go I didn't You did today oh fuck I didn't see it sorry man I didn't see it Did you not get my text that's what people that Bothers me did you not get my text | ||
I always say, sorry I didn't respond to your text. | ||
I try to say that first. | ||
Yeah, but let me tell you something. | ||
As a man, if I text you and I'll get a text back, I don't get a fucking butt hurt. | ||
No, I just go, that's it. | ||
He saw it. | ||
It is what it is. | ||
I don't send a text in needing... | ||
If I needed a real response from you, I would call you and go, hey, I need to talk to you about something. | ||
You ever have someone send you a text that's like a little on the needy side and then they send you one like three minutes later that says hello? | ||
Every day. | ||
Every fucking day. | ||
Jamie. | ||
Every day to me. | ||
When are you coming over? | ||
When are you coming over? | ||
I'm coming, Jamie. | ||
Leave me alone. | ||
From our afternoon pump session, you know? | ||
Some people just get real weird with like them sending them messages in a bottle. | ||
That's what it is. | ||
It's a little message. | ||
Did you get it? | ||
And then the other side of it is Bobby Lee who literally never answers a text ever. | ||
Ever, ever, ever. | ||
I've sent him a thousand texts. | ||
Good for him. | ||
Yeah, he doesn't answer. | ||
Good for him. | ||
His notification is like 800 fucking little red, you know? | ||
He never answers. | ||
He doesn't give a shit. | ||
But everyone who's friends with him knows that's just Bobby. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Jelly just calls you. | ||
Yeah, Joey, I texted you and he calls. | ||
I've been calling people a lot more. | ||
I've been calling people a lot more. | ||
It's more personal. | ||
Well, it's also like you can't call as many people as you can text. | ||
And I think there's an overload of communication that occurs when you're texting with like 10 different friends at the same time. | ||
I got dudes sending me videos of them kicking pads and people sending me... | ||
I mean, look at this fish I caught. | ||
Like, I fucking get these texts all day from all these crazy, interesting people. | ||
Imagine if I got that many phone calls in a day. | ||
It would be insane. | ||
Turn your phone off. | ||
You'd be like, hey, what's up, man? | ||
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Hold on, hold on. | |
Someone's calling me. | ||
Hey, what's up, Tom? | ||
Like, you would never, right? | ||
You know what I'm saying? | ||
Like, you would never, if you think about it, even if you have, like, three friends, and you're texting each other back and forth throughout the day, making jokes, maybe, you know, like, a group chat. | ||
Like, a lot of us are in group chats. | ||
Yes. | ||
Talk a lot of shit and show ridiculous pictures. | ||
Shit that would get me kicked out of the country. | ||
Oh yeah, for sure, right? | ||
I mean, you would never do that if it was phone calls. | ||
You would be like, you needy bitch, I gotta call you all day? | ||
I'm calling you in the morning, I gotta call you in the afternoon. | ||
Are we fucking? | ||
What's happening? | ||
Even if we were, if you needed me to call you that many times in a day, I'd be like, hey, hey, hey. | ||
We gotta be happy being alone, too. | ||
Be happy being together, but also, you gotta be able to be alone. | ||
If you need phone calls all day long, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. | ||
Chill out. | ||
Chill the fuck out. | ||
That's why a text is good because you could be in the middle of some shit, right? | ||
If you're one of them dudes who's inclined to change a transmission, you want to rebuild an old Chrysler or something like that, you could be under there in that little text message. | ||
I'll get back to him. | ||
I'll figure that out. | ||
That's Mike. | ||
Maybe real quick. | ||
Yeah, we're going to meet at 8. You know, it's minimal, right? | ||
There's nothing to it. | ||
But isn't that bad? | ||
To be talking to people that way, isn't it? | ||
Is it bad to be talking to people so much? | ||
It's a shit diet. | ||
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Yeah. | |
It's a shitty diet. | ||
Duncan and I were talking about the other day about... | ||
Like, finding information online, just constantly being inundated with stories of horrific things and bad things and terrible things and ugly things, that it's a bad diet. | ||
It's a bad, like, mind diet. | ||
And I was like, you're so right. | ||
You think you're, like, immune to it. | ||
That you are who you are, and this is just some stuff you're experiencing. | ||
But much like if you eat healthy foods, your body feels better. | ||
I think if you concentrate on healthy things, and interesting things, and fascinating things, and not horseshit, I think you're giving yourself a better mental diet. | ||
Totally. | ||
I think if you consume too much of anything, it's bad, right? | ||
So consuming too much of, even too much positive information can be fucking detrimental. | ||
Yes, because you can get delusional. | ||
Yes, so you have to have some semblance of a balance of how you ingest. | ||
But the people that only ingest negative, they're like people who only eat candy. | ||
If you were a grown adult and for like 10 years you only ate candy, your body would be a mess. | ||
You'd be barely alive! | ||
If you just had to live off Snickers bars, how much nutrition is in a Snickers bar? | ||
I want to do something with that dude who did the 30 days with the Big Macs. | ||
How about this guy? | ||
Hey bro, do this. | ||
Just eat nothing but Snickers and see how long you stay alive. | ||
Snickers satisfies to a point. | ||
Satisfy your hunger, I guess. | ||
They're delicious. | ||
Yeah, they're phenomenal. | ||
I love a Snickers bar. | ||
They're great to take on hikes, too, by the way. | ||
What, really? | ||
Yeah, a lot of sugar. | ||
There's enough nutrition in there? | ||
You're burning sugar, man. | ||
Yeah, so fuck it. | ||
When you're hiking up mountains and shit, people love Snickers bars. | ||
Wow. | ||
But hey, I think even the Snickers people would tell you, don't live off that shit, stupid. | ||
You can't live off a... | ||
Isn't that interesting? | ||
Like, there's a food you eat that you cannot live off of. | ||
Yes. | ||
Because all food at one point you had to eat to live off of. | ||
How many days do you think you could go with only eating Snickers bars? | ||
And should this be the Sober October Challenge? | ||
Yes. | ||
First of all, yes. | ||
We might die. | ||
What if we die? | ||
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No. | |
Bert would die. | ||
Bert will die, but I mean, that is what it is. | ||
If you only can eat Snickers bars and water. | ||
Two weeks. | ||
Two weeks without your body malfunctioning. | ||
I think something's going to happen. | ||
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Yeah. | |
Imagine how dumb you'd get. | ||
There's a post I just found from like two years ago where people asked this question and it was a discussion. | ||
Someone did the math. | ||
You have to eat about 12 to get the caloric intake to get that 2,000 a day. | ||
12? | ||
12 a day. | ||
Just for 2,000 calories. | ||
But how many days could you survive? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I mean, that's up to you. | ||
Well, bro, let's think about that. | ||
12 Snickers bars a day? | ||
Holy shit. | ||
But how long do you think... | ||
Okay, the problem with that is everyone is not coming from the same starting point. | ||
That's the biggest issue. | ||
You have to have all those three twin guys separated and make them all eat Snickers until one of them dies. | ||
You guys need a control. | ||
You guys need some sort of control. | ||
They would be the test. | ||
Just feed them. | ||
Give them a million dollars each. | ||
Give them nothing but Snickers until someone's on the verge of death. | ||
Until somebody taps. | ||
Tap out, bitch. | ||
How many days do you think you could go on only Snickers? | ||
I say two weeks is probably the human body will start to shut down. | ||
I wonder. | ||
Maybe you could go a long time. | ||
Well, let me say this. | ||
You could fucking find this. | ||
There's a dude that's been eating just pizza for like 25 years. | ||
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. | ||
We'll find that dude. | ||
There's a dude that eats just pepperoni pizza. | ||
I respect that. | ||
I think I was like, fuck it. | ||
My parents told me what to do my whole life, and I'm a grown man now, bitch. | ||
I eat pizza every day. | ||
Just crying and eating pizza in his socks. | ||
The journalist tried to get him to have a piece of leafy greens. | ||
Puked on camera. | ||
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He couldn't fucking do it. | |
Unless it's basil and a nice sauce, get that fucking green shit out of here. | ||
Yeah, he ate pizza for 20 years. | ||
Something like that. | ||
That's insane. | ||
What was it, Jamie? | ||
What was it? | ||
2012. 25 years. | ||
He says he has one bowl of raisin bran a week. | ||
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Just so you can shit that compacted glue. | |
That's what Pete says. | ||
It's like glue mixed with protein. | ||
Just chewing down all that dough. | ||
That delicious dough. | ||
Holy shit. | ||
25 years. | ||
He does have diabetes. | ||
Of course he does. | ||
Duh. | ||
Color me surprised. | ||
How the fuck... | ||
Sorry, buddy, for laughing at your diabetes. | ||
But how the fuck... | ||
Not at all. | ||
Not sorry. | ||
How the fuck does someone eat nothing but that glue for 25 years? | ||
That's the cat. | ||
That's him? | ||
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Looks good. | |
Looks like he's funny. | ||
Guy should be doing YouTube videos. | ||
So what do they call... | ||
They call him skinny fat. | ||
There was an article they called him... | ||
You know skinny fat, right? | ||
Yeah, he looks remarkably good for someone who's only eating pizza for 25 years. | ||
There might be something to it. | ||
But they say skinny fat's fucking these people up. | ||
Skinny fat? | ||
Skinny fat. | ||
Where, like, the body doesn't show any signs. | ||
But the inside's fucking murdered. | ||
It's torn apart. | ||
His organs are failing. | ||
Nothing's there. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's why you can look small, but you don't have anything there. | ||
Right. | ||
Skinny fat people. | ||
Your limbs are barely hanging on. | ||
Threads. | ||
It's like a fucking puppet. | ||
There's certain people, you know? | ||
Certain people, like, you hug them. | ||
And you're like, oh my god. | ||
God, there's nothing there. | ||
You're so frail. | ||
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So sad. | |
It is funny. | ||
That's like when I take pictures after shows and say how to people. | ||
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Yeah. | |
You know, and you grab, and some people you feel, and you're like, wow, that's fucking weird. | ||
It's weird. | ||
It's weird. | ||
You're like a fucking lump of bones. | ||
Just a bag of sticks. | ||
Sticks covered with jello. | ||
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It's the lump of bones. | |
It's terrible. | ||
She's a bony lump bag. | ||
What's really terrible is when... | ||
I mean, I'm not saying you have to be a bodybuilder. | ||
Oh, but you have to fucking... | ||
You should keep your body moving. | ||
It's just a laziness thing. | ||
It's a discipline thing. | ||
This idea that some sort of nobility and humility and not caring about your body, it's silly. | ||
You only get one. | ||
You get one. | ||
It doesn't make you dumber if you work out. | ||
Stop. | ||
I know that jocks were assholes and people bullied you. | ||
I get it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But goddammit, take care of your fucking meat vehicle. | ||
Just go take care of it. | ||
Take care of the meat skeleton. | ||
And people go, oh yeah, you're vain, that's why you work out. | ||
Yes! | ||
That too. | ||
I like looking good. | ||
I like it. | ||
It's better to me than not looking good. | ||
I'm sorry. | ||
I'm willing to put in the time. | ||
But you know what the irony is? | ||
Because of the hype of... | ||
Because of the growth of MMA... Cheers. | ||
Cheers, my brother. | ||
Because of the growth of MMA... CrossFit, all of these new worlds that have kind of emerged socially now that are so much bigger than they were years ago, nerds that I grew up in high school are into working out. | ||
Yeah, that's the irony. | ||
That's a big thing with jiu-jitsu. | ||
That's what I'm saying. | ||
It's like the biggest insecure people, now they've found a home in something that's disciplined. | ||
It's good. | ||
It feels good to move your body. | ||
It feels good. | ||
It feels good to do things, whether it's taking a dance class. | ||
I'm not into that, but taking karate. | ||
I'm not into that shit. | ||
I like yoga. | ||
I like running. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Doing jujitsu, obviously. | ||
I like all kinds of martial arts. | ||
But I just like moving my body, man. | ||
I like running up hills. | ||
Move your body. | ||
Get it going. | ||
You'll feel better afterwards. | ||
I know you don't want to do it. | ||
I fucking hardly ever want to do it. | ||
I maybe want to actually do it five out of ten times. | ||
Maybe less, yeah. | ||
But I do it. | ||
I just do it. | ||
I know what it's like to not want to do it. | ||
I get it. | ||
Shut up. | ||
I just start talking to myself. | ||
I go, come on, pussy. | ||
What are you talking about? | ||
Do it. | ||
If I was you, outside of you, knowing what I know, if I could read my mind, I'd be like, come on, bitch. | ||
You're just being lazy. | ||
Put your fucking shoes on. | ||
Get a sweat going, and then you're going to feel pumped. | ||
Come on, man. | ||
You've done this a million times. | ||
And then, invariably, I'll be in the middle of the workout, I'm sweating, I'm like, fuck yeah. | ||
Woo! | ||
And then I get into it. | ||
It's like, you've got to push past that creepy resistance that Steven Pressfield wrote about in The War of Art. | ||
It applies not just to art, not just to writing. | ||
It applies to cleaning your room, it applies to saying you're sorry to a friend, it applies to taking care of a debt, all those things. | ||
It's this weird thing that you have. | ||
When you see a problem, you gotta fix it. | ||
When you see a thing you have to do, go do it. | ||
When you know something's, like, clean your fucking room, right? | ||
That's what Jordan Peterson always says. | ||
Clean your room. | ||
Clean your room. | ||
And that really is what he means. | ||
Get your shit in order. | ||
Well, dude, I think it's also a personality trait, though, too, to be fair. | ||
I'm someone that has to get it done. | ||
You know when someone goes, you don't have to do it all at once? | ||
I'm the opposite. | ||
I'm like, yeah, you do. | ||
Yeah, you fucking do. | ||
She wants new blinds at the house? | ||
What if we just do the living room for now? | ||
I was like, no, no, no. | ||
Just do it. | ||
Get the whole fucking thing done. | ||
What's the difference? | ||
That's a manly thing to say, too. | ||
Get it fucking done. | ||
Can we just have this window? | ||
No. | ||
This window. | ||
This will be my shade spot. | ||
A man goes, it's America! | ||
Through the whole fucking thing. | ||
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Shades! | |
Back the truck up. | ||
All around with the fucking shades. | ||
Give me some new fucking blinds. | ||
I want trees around this house. | ||
I want to walk around my cock out. | ||
You could buy an old tree. | ||
You know that? | ||
You could buy, like, I want a tree in my yard that's 500 years old. | ||
They'll find you one. | ||
That's dope, though. | ||
That's cool to be like, place it here. | ||
I gotta fuck it. | ||
I have a 150-plus old oak tree in my backyard. | ||
Here's what's weird. | ||
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Manly shit. | |
Say if you have a piece of land, right? | ||
And that piece of land is 100 acres, a beautiful piece of land. | ||
You know, you don't own the animals on that land. | ||
If there's wildlife on that land, if there's a bunch of deer on that land, you can't just shoot them. | ||
You have to have tags. | ||
You have to have state-allocated tags that give out a certain amount based on the deer population using wildlife biologists. | ||
They view it from helicopters and shit. | ||
They have all these different ways. | ||
They have trail cameras. | ||
All these different ways they determine the numbers and they figure out how many people can hunt. | ||
But you own the trees. | ||
Isn't that weird? | ||
You own all the trees. | ||
Yeah, you own everything that they're around. | ||
If you own some gigantic population of pine trees in the forest, like you own some giant swath of land that you're logging, like those logging companies do, they own those trees somehow. | ||
They don't own the deer. | ||
They don't own the elk. | ||
They don't own the eagles. | ||
But they own the fucking trees. | ||
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It's weird, man. | |
Maybe it's because the trees don't move. | ||
Yeah, that's exactly what it is. | ||
Trees can't move, man. | ||
They're easy to just... | ||
I could just take that? | ||
They, like, completely overfish, you know what I mean? | ||
With the forest. | ||
And then they leave these big cut, like, these huge cut areas. | ||
Like, have you ever been to the woods and seen a place that's been logged? | ||
Yep. | ||
It's interesting, right? | ||
Yeah, it's wild to see. | ||
Oh, it's kind of beautiful in a weird way. | ||
I hate to say it, but it's like, you're like, wow, that's, it's mesmerizing. | ||
You know, it's a key area for hunting, too. | ||
Right, because, well, there's a clearing now, right? | ||
There's a clearing and the animals come out to eat the sprouts. | ||
Right, right, right. | ||
Because the new life grows up. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And it's a big open place, so it gets plenty of rain and sunlight. | ||
Like, sometimes the canopy keeps, like, smaller things from growing. | ||
Right. | ||
You don't get enough sunlight. | ||
And a lot of times in the canopy, too, like, everything's beaten down with pine needles, everything's covered, you know, with leaves and shit inside. | ||
When you have a real thick forest, those big open areas, man, all these animals come out and you can find it in there. | ||
That's fucking Wild. | ||
Easy hunting season, huh? | ||
Well, it's never easy. | ||
They can smell you in an impossible distance way. | ||
Do you put stuff on yourself to not smell? | ||
No, you can't do anything. | ||
You can't cover up the smell, huh? | ||
No chance. | ||
The only thing you can do is there's a thing called Ozonics that does work, but it only works if you're in one place. | ||
So, like, if you're in a tree stand, you have a thing that you put above your head and it sheds ozone down on your body. | ||
And what the ozone does, and this is how it's been explained to me, again, remember, I'm a moron. | ||
I was like, you're talking to a fucking idiot. | ||
I went to community college and then I went to Boston University, UMass Boston, rather, for three years in their continuing education program. | ||
I never even took my SATs. | ||
I'm a legitimate moron. | ||
But apparently, this ozone shit that comes down over you, it confuses the deer. | ||
Like, the deer gets a scent, and it's like, what the fuck is that? | ||
He doesn't know what it is. | ||
As opposed to smelling you and going, fuck! | ||
They smell you, they just run. | ||
They smell people, they just run. | ||
Yeah, they take off. | ||
They'll run like hundreds of yards away. | ||
You'll see them just go like this and then just take off. | ||
And you're like, what happened? | ||
And you blow some, this like white talc in the air, like a puff of talc. | ||
And as it drifts, you see which way the wind's blowing. | ||
It's a wind checker. | ||
So when you're up there in the wind, you have this little, it's almost like a little baby powder type deal. | ||
And you just press it and the stuff goes in the air. | ||
And you can see exactly where they went. | ||
They even have vaporizers now that do it now. | ||
I have one that's like a vaporizer. | ||
You press a button, it just mist goes in the air. | ||
To show you where the wind is. | ||
It's just mist. | ||
Yeah, it's wild. | ||
And it's just for that, just to make smoke so you can see which way the smoke goes. | ||
But it's just mist. | ||
That's the ozone shit. | ||
Three ozone bonds to your scent molecules. | ||
Yeah, so this is what they're saying. | ||
I don't think they're allowed to lie about this shit. | ||
So essentially it creates a shield for your natural odor. | ||
My friend John Dudley is a big believer in this. | ||
Anything he's a big believer in, I'm a big believer in. | ||
That is fucking wild. | ||
Apparently it does work. | ||
But still, if they see you move, if something funky comes their way, maybe it works 80% of the time. | ||
Dear, some sneaky fucks. | ||
They're smart. | ||
How good is their vision? | ||
Their vision is good, but they view things from an edge detection thing. | ||
They see things that move. | ||
So if you just freeze, if you have camouflage on and you freeze, they'll often walk right by you. | ||
Yeah, especially if you have, there's a thing, this is another thing, called a hex suit, H-E-C-S, and a hex suit, I wear one, I don't know if they really work, but they appear to work with birds, like they've proven that birds follow an electrical magnetic signal, that's how they get home. | ||
They use the natural magnetism of the earth to figure out where the fuck they're going. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
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What? | |
Isn't that funny that we can't do that? | ||
We're so stupid. | ||
We can't get home. | ||
Fuck it, I'm lost. | ||
Yeah, we can just use our phones. | ||
Two wrong turns, I'm fucked, though. | ||
But these birds, it works with birds. | ||
All these guys say that you put these suits on, birds have no idea you're there. | ||
They don't see you. | ||
It blocks the electromagnetic signal that your body's giving off. | ||
What could that be made out of? | ||
What's that mean? | ||
It's a mesh. | ||
There's some sort of a mesh that they use. | ||
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That blocks that? | |
Yeah, that blocks it. | ||
They actually have meters that can show. | ||
They put it on, wave it over this thing, there's no reaction, take it off, and then there's a reaction. | ||
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What the fuck? | |
Where it's detecting the signal that your body puts out. | ||
The real question is, they prove that it does that. | ||
The real question is, can animals really see it? | ||
And how many of them can see it? | ||
The big thing is smell. | ||
It doesn't matter if they can't see you. | ||
If they fucking smell you, they're gone. | ||
Yeah, they're gone, right? | ||
So you could look just like a tree. | ||
But if a deer smells you, he's going to just start running. | ||
They just run. | ||
What's the only fix for the smell thing other than that? | ||
That thing. | ||
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That's it. | |
That's it. | ||
Their sense of smell is impossible to understand. | ||
It's so much better than ours that what we have shouldn't even be called a sense of smell. | ||
If we like the difference... | ||
Should be called holes. | ||
Face holes. | ||
Yeah, like how well do ants do stand-up comedy? | ||
That's in comparison to a human. | ||
There's a couple of good ants, dude. | ||
A couple of guys got a good five minutes. | ||
There's a couple of good ants, man. | ||
They got a tight three. | ||
But that's what the difference is in comparison to how bad our noses work versus a deer. | ||
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Right. | |
Who's the best? | ||
What animal's the best? | ||
I think a bear. | ||
Bears have the best sense of smell? | ||
I think bears have a preposterous sense of smell. | ||
Dogs are really good, but it's not that high. | ||
I think a bear is like a hundred times stronger than a bloodhound. | ||
What the fuck? | ||
It can smell 18 miles away. | ||
18 fucking miles? | ||
Buh-roh. | ||
Search what the average sight distance is. | ||
What's the typical sight distance? | ||
People can only see about a mile, right? | ||
It depends on the animal. | ||
Some animals don't see good at all. | ||
Pigs don't see good at all. | ||
You just freeze on a pig. | ||
They don't know what the fuck's going on. | ||
Eagles, for sure. | ||
It's about little mice in the fucking field. | ||
Eagles? | ||
Eagles have the best sight. | ||
They can see for miles and miles. | ||
My friend from Alaska, he goes halibut fishing all the time. | ||
He said, if you're pulling a fish up, an eagle can see it miles away. | ||
That's some dinosaur shit. | ||
That's how you know dinosaur shit is at play. | ||
Miles? | ||
What? | ||
Grizzly can find an elk carcass when it's underwater and polar bears can smell a seal through three feet of ice. | ||
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Jesus Christ! | |
Three fucking feet of ice? | ||
Jesus Christ! | ||
Oh my god! | ||
That's insane. | ||
Three feet of ice. | ||
That is a fucking monster. | ||
Imagine if you were in a big concrete building and it's three feet thick and there's a bear on the outside going... | ||
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Neat. | |
If that was a monster movie, be like, this is insane! | ||
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This monster's insane! | |
Let this monster know I'm here! | ||
Like, it'd be two kids, right? | ||
Their parents have already been killed, and they're just breathing. | ||
Like, don't worry, we're safe. | ||
This concrete's three feet thick. | ||
There's no way it can smell us. | ||
And it's outside. | ||
I smell you. | ||
Oh, he talks too? | ||
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What the fuck? | |
Three fucking feet. | ||
Eat you and your sister. | ||
18 miles of smell. | ||
Three feet of smell through ice. | ||
Did you ever see the video where the BBC reporter gets inside a box? | ||
Like a plexiglass box? | ||
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No. | |
And they put him around polar bears? | ||
Uh-uh. | ||
And the polar bear tries to eat him? | ||
And the polar bear's trying to eat him through this box? | ||
Trying to figure out how to get to him? | ||
Because it knows he's in this box? | ||
It is fucking terrifying. | ||
Dude, why would you ever? | ||
Bro, and this guy's got cameras on him the whole time. | ||
Shit in his pants. | ||
Just dookie in left and right. | ||
Fill in those drawers, son. | ||
How strong is that? | ||
That thing has to be indestructible. | ||
They're so big. | ||
They're so big, and we've been really fucked over. | ||
Just let that run, Jamie. | ||
We've been really fucked over with goddamn Klondike bars and Coca-Cola. | ||
Making them look sweet. | ||
We have a super distorted perception of this fucking predatory killing machine that eats its babies. | ||
Bro. | ||
Bro, these things are fucking ruthless. | ||
They're the cleanup crew. | ||
They're there to make sure. | ||
There's so few resources up there in the wild that this giant behemoth of a bear exists so he could just jack everything. | ||
Just jack everything and keep the populations nice and low. | ||
Look at that. | ||
You're right in there. | ||
I'm not a biologist. | ||
So he knows it's in there. | ||
He's just trying to get at it. | ||
He's biting it. | ||
Damn, dude, that would fuck me up. | ||
Look at this, man. | ||
It's pressing on it. | ||
That's glass, man! | ||
If it breaks, you're dead! | ||
If it breaks, you're fucking dead! | ||
It's trying to get its fucking teeth through it. | ||
Bro, when it's opening its mouth, that's a monster's mouth. | ||
This is what I look like drunk at a McDonald's at fucking four in the morning trying to get food to the drive-thru. | ||
This poor guy. | ||
Give me nuggets! | ||
It's behind him. | ||
He's like, but the camera is this way. | ||
Oh, they're shaking the shit out of it. | ||
Of course it is. | ||
Why would he be so convinced that that thing would survive? | ||
It'd be so dope if it just... | ||
How do they rescue this cat? | ||
This dude? | ||
Yeah, how do they get him out of there? | ||
Like, how long does it take to get him out of there? | ||
They've got to find a way to distract this bear. | ||
At the end, it just walked away. | ||
Come on, son. | ||
Yeah, it's got to get frustrated at some point. | ||
Like, fuck this. | ||
Look at that. | ||
He goes, fuck this. | ||
But how did they test that box? | ||
What if that guy hated him? | ||
The guy who made the box. | ||
Oh, this guy's going to climb out? | ||
I'm out. | ||
I am free. | ||
We've got a prize. | ||
Oh, the bear. | ||
Yeah, like, let's pretend the bear's right there. | ||
Yeah, right next to him. | ||
That thing can run 35 miles an hour. | ||
Fuck out of here. | ||
You ever seen how fast a bear runs? | ||
Yeah, they're insane. | ||
Dude, they run like that on ice. | ||
Those things just dig in with their claws. | ||
They can run fast. | ||
I like how they kind of pretended like that was a totally safe, normal experiment for him to do. | ||
Like, he got out like, no big deal, man. | ||
You know, fucking polar bears, ironically, are black underneath all that white fur. | ||
You know that, right? | ||
No, it's clear. | ||
It's clear? | ||
I thought it was clear. | ||
It's black skin. | ||
Oh, yeah, their skin's black, yeah. | ||
Isn't that weird? | ||
Yeah, it is. | ||
Well, you've got to imagine that people get snow tanned. | ||
Right? | ||
You get snow blinds. | ||
Yeah, snow blind. | ||
Because of the sun beating off the snow. | ||
People get burnt really bad. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
You go skiing without shit on you. | ||
That's what a polar bear looks like. | ||
No, that's a black bear, bro. | ||
It just says polar bear without hair. | ||
Yeah, but it's not. | ||
Look at the hair around its face. | ||
See how it's all black? | ||
I guarantee you that's a black bear. | ||
Also, it just doesn't look big enough. | ||
What does a bear... | ||
Maybe it's just another one. | ||
It's got mange, but you see how it has the hair on the top of its head's black? | ||
I think someone just wrote that, and it doesn't mean it's correct. | ||
No, but they are. | ||
They're dark, but underneath all that, they are really dark as well. | ||
Hey, maybe when they get mange, their fucking hair on their head gets black. | ||
Who the fuck knows? | ||
Go to that... | ||
Mange is weird shit. | ||
What the fuck is that? | ||
It's a hairless bear. | ||
I mean, I've seen this before, I guess. | ||
I typed in polar bear, so it popped up, but... | ||
Well, I would imagine. | ||
Pull a bear, no fur. | ||
They're the most terrifying because they're the biggest. | ||
Well, they're right there, Jamie. | ||
The top fourth picture is them spreading the hair apart, right? | ||
You see the skin there. | ||
Yeah, so there you go. | ||
Oh, perfect. | ||
Yeah, and see how the hair looks white, but it's actually, they say it's more of a clear color. | ||
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|
Wow. | |
That's fucking crazy to me. | ||
Yeah, like not technically white. | ||
Right, no. | ||
Yeah, it looks translucent almost, right? | ||
But what an amazing animal, man. | ||
Unbelievable. | ||
Imagine that thing lives in this place where there's no vegetables at all. | ||
Nope. | ||
But it got so big. | ||
It evolved to get that big. | ||
Meat, dude. | ||
Just meat. | ||
Tons and tons and tons of meat. | ||
And it can eat a fucking, like a hole through ice to get to you, too. | ||
It'll just chew through the ice. | ||
It'll do whatever it can to get to you, right? | ||
It's so nice that they're so far away. | ||
They swim. | ||
You know, they jump in the water and swim. | ||
They can swim six miles an hour. | ||
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Bro! | |
And for how long can they swim? | ||
I wonder how long they can stay in the water for, because they have to get out at some point. | ||
How fast is that in knots? | ||
And why do we need knots? | ||
Boat people love that shit. | ||
What's up with boat people? | ||
Hey, it's six fathoms. | ||
Hey, fuckface. | ||
How many feet? | ||
5.2 knots. | ||
5.2 knots is a mile? | ||
6 miles an hour is 5.2 knots. | ||
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My boat goes 5 knots. | |
Why would you want to make it slower? | ||
That's so confusing. | ||
Why would they do that when they could just do miles an hour? | ||
What is knots? | ||
I think knots were around before miles an hour. | ||
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No, well, kilometers were also before miles an hour. | |
Was it? | ||
Yeah, kilometers. | ||
I thought kilometers were the metric system and that was later. | ||
No, knots are kilometers then miles. | ||
Really smart people are like, why the fuck are they talking? | ||
Why are they talking about kilometers? | ||
Some engineer was like, God damn it! | ||
Bro, when I was in high school, they tried to put the metric system on us. | ||
They tried to bring back the metric system. | ||
Nah. | ||
And we're like, bitch, this is America. | ||
Fuck you and fuck your systems of 10. We leave out unnecessary letters, too. | ||
Maybe not. | ||
Oh, never mind. | ||
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Sorry. | |
Didn't work. | ||
Just like soccer. | ||
They tried to push soccer on us, too. | ||
You know why soccer didn't work? | ||
I was talking about this today. | ||
Because this is America? | ||
Too slow. | ||
Baseball works. | ||
What are you saying? | ||
People love goals. | ||
People love goals. | ||
Dude. | ||
People love goals. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
So people love scoring? | ||
Scoring. | ||
Listen, the NHL. I see what you're saying. | ||
The NHL, the reason they changed the blue line rule is because they wanted more goals. | ||
So they got more goals, more viewership. | ||
What's more American than a Grand Slam? | ||
Literally nothing. | ||
Bases loaded. | ||
Crack! | ||
That's all SportsCenter used to be. | ||
Home runs and dunks over and over. | ||
That's what it fucking should be. | ||
We love seeing that moment. | ||
So in soccer, when you have 90 minutes and sometimes no goals, I get it. | ||
I can't do it. | ||
But if you understand how difficult it is, if you're a fan of the game... | ||
If you love the game, I get it. | ||
Like, Ian loves it. | ||
Yeah, he does. | ||
He's the only black guy I know that loves soccer in America. | ||
Is that real? | ||
In America? | ||
How many black fucking friends do you have that love soccer? | ||
He's my only one. | ||
That's true. | ||
I don't have any black friends that watch soccer. | ||
That's true. | ||
He's literally my only one. | ||
In Jamaica, right, though? | ||
Yes. | ||
And England. | ||
He lives in England as well. | ||
England, Jamaica. | ||
Right. | ||
Born in Jamaica, then moved to England and New York. | ||
Have you seen those games he goes to? | ||
They look awesome. | ||
They do. | ||
We were supposed to go. | ||
Dude, they're fun. | ||
I'm not taking... | ||
They're fucking fun. | ||
It's just... | ||
It's not... | ||
I don't... | ||
It's not my shit. | ||
We were organizing a comedian thing, but I had a family thing that I had to do. | ||
I couldn't make it. | ||
But they look like a good time, especially if you want to get blasted. | ||
On some of this Mike Tyson weed that we smoked today. | ||
It's fucking delicious, by the way. | ||
Thank you, Mike. | ||
Thank you, Mike. | ||
Shout out to the champ. | ||
Motherfucking champ. | ||
What were we just talking about? | ||
Polar bears. | ||
Oh, polar bears. | ||
Yeah, man. | ||
There was... | ||
There was some article about polar bears... | ||
You know, whenever we say that polar bear populations are threatened, they definitely are, in certain spots. | ||
But the places where polar bears occupy is enormous. | ||
Yeah, it's huge. | ||
And in some areas, there's a lot of them. | ||
And we have this non-nuanced way of looking at polar bears. | ||
So people would get really mad if they found out these Inuits were killing polar bears. | ||
But sometimes these folks are living in places where polar bears start entering their villages... | ||
Right. | ||
And they're super dangerous. | ||
Killing their babies. | ||
They'll kill people. | ||
They will straight up kill people. | ||
You know why I think that is? | ||
There's a comic who's also a veterinarian. | ||
Kevin... | ||
He's a vet? | ||
Yeah, he's a guy who performed in Denver. | ||
I met him in Denver. | ||
I was working with him one night. | ||
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Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. | |
Yeah, do you know him? | ||
Yeah, he's famous in Denver. | ||
Kevin Fitzgerald. | ||
He has a TV show out there. | ||
Kevin Fitzgerald. | ||
See, I was going to say Fitzgerald, but I thought I was wrong because my friend Dave Fitzgerald, I was just talking about. | ||
He's got long white hair. | ||
Yeah, like a hit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He told me that polar bears out of the womb are like Predator. | ||
You know, like the movie Predator. | ||
Like out of the womb, they're just trying to bite and kill. | ||
Out of the womb. | ||
Dope. | ||
Out of the womb. | ||
They just come out. | ||
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Ah! | |
And I was like, well, it makes sense. | ||
If you stop and think about what their life is, everything is just white and frozen. | ||
And occasionally you catch something slipping. | ||
Occasionally you catch someone who's sunning themselves and you get to them before they can get away and you can dive in the water and grab a foot and drag them back up. | ||
Survival, man. | ||
The darkest story that I ever heard. | ||
I don't know if this is true, but let's pretend it is. | ||
Yeah, fine. | ||
There was some sort of an expedition and their boat hit some ice. | ||
And so their boat starts sinking. | ||
And they had a real problem because the next boat was hours away. | ||
So they call in a mayday for the next boat, and they climb out of the boat in time before it sinks, and they get to an ice shelter, like an ice raft, an ice island, I guess. | ||
Like an island, yeah. | ||
Ice island. | ||
In the distance, they see a polar bear. | ||
Fuck. | ||
And it's many, many ice land bridges or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
Whatever ice distance that is. | ||
Ice island away. | ||
Ice steps. | ||
But it keeps jumping in the water and getting closer. | ||
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|
Fuck, man. | |
It's trying to figure out what the fuck they are. | ||
And then finally it gets to them. | ||
It finds out what they are. | ||
It's in the ice island next to them. | ||
Jumps in the water. | ||
Pops up. | ||
Grabs one guy. | ||
There's nothing anybody can do about it. | ||
Fuck. | ||
Takes him, kills him, drags him in the water again, goes back on the other ice island, just starts eating him. | ||
And they're just chilling, watching it. | ||
They're one ice island away, hoping that he doesn't stay hungry after he eats their friend. | ||
I hope it was your least favorite friend. | ||
And then, the boat comes and rescues him. | ||
Fuck me. | ||
And they had to watch their friend get eaten alive. | ||
Their friend got eaten alive. | ||
Well, he died probably quick. | ||
But he probably ate him in front of them. | ||
He probably took it so they could see it. | ||
He didn't care. | ||
Yeah, that's what I mean. | ||
Do you worry when you eat a clam that you're eating it in front of other clams? | ||
Depends on who I'm eating in front of. | ||
No. | ||
I'm sure the bear ate it to know. | ||
I'm saying he kept an eye on them. | ||
Yes. | ||
It's like, you're next, dude. | ||
Well, he probably knows that they're there if this isn't enough. | ||
I mean, maybe the guy's like a small guy. | ||
What do you do? | ||
What do you do? | ||
You just sit there and watch it? | ||
You jump in the water? | ||
What do you fucking do? | ||
You can't swim away. | ||
You'll freeze to death if you get in that water. | ||
You just have to accept the fact that if it chooses to kill you, that's your time. | ||
There's nothing else you can do. | ||
You can't fight it off. | ||
I would punch my buddy and knock him out so it's easier than... | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
Knock him out. | ||
Which buddy? | ||
Huh? | ||
You have to think about how much you love your friends. | ||
Oh my god, there's so many people I'd knock out and leave for bears to eat. | ||
Yeah, there's a lot of people. | ||
Most of my friends I'd knock out. | ||
But what it is is just, it's inescapable. | ||
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Yeah. | |
The power that it has. | ||
Have you had a moment of near-death experience? | ||
Never. | ||
Like that. | ||
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Never once? | |
No, never around an animal like that. | ||
Have you ever had a near-death experience? | ||
Where you're like, fuck, I could die. | ||
Oh, maybe. | ||
Car accidents. | ||
Car accidents. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's the only time I thought I might die. | ||
Every car accident is kind of a near-death experience. | ||
It is. | ||
You ever know. | ||
Have you not been in a bad one? | ||
I've been in some bad ones. | ||
I've been lucky. | ||
That's near-death shit. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You ever ride bikes? | ||
Motorcycles? | ||
No, I was gonna. | ||
That's near-death shit. | ||
Two people I knew crashed, and one person I knew saw someone get hit. | ||
All in like a month. | ||
It was like bang, bang. | ||
So two people I know crashed and fucked themselves up. | ||
One was a dude that I was working with. | ||
And another was Frank Mir, who was fighting in the UFC. He was one of the best heavyweights on the planet. | ||
And some guy ran a red light and T-boned him. | ||
Snapped his leg in half, sent him flying through the air. | ||
Had a real problem. | ||
I mean, he almost lost his leg, man. | ||
It was lucky he lived. | ||
But the femurs, like the big upper leg, that's a really bad bone to break, man. | ||
Well, that's when you die, usually. | ||
Yeah, it takes a long time to heal. | ||
It's very dangerous. | ||
A lot of blood flows through that area. | ||
A lot of main arteries that can fucking bleed out real easily. | ||
Yeah, it takes a long time for that leg comes back. | ||
And for Frank, it was years before he was like 100% again. | ||
And arguably, he never was the same. | ||
It's arguable that something like that, you're always going to be playing catch-up. | ||
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Because it's such a devastating injury. | |
Sounds like fuck motorcycles, man. | ||
It's too much. | ||
There's nothing protecting you. | ||
Nothing fucking on the outside, man. | ||
No way. | ||
Well, I was going to say, if you lived in a rural area, but did you hear about that guy that plowed into these bikers? | ||
He was in a pickup truck in New Hampshire. | ||
And there was this, I think they called themselves the Jarhead Bike Club or something like that, a bunch of Marines that got together and rode their bikes around, and this guy plowed into them and killed like seven of them. | ||
On purpose? | ||
No, I don't know what happened. | ||
I don't know if he was being careless, if he was speeding, I don't know. | ||
If he was fucked up. | ||
I do not know. | ||
Where was it? | ||
New Hampshire. | ||
New Hampshire. | ||
So I was going to say, yeah, I drive a motorcycle on some rural road. | ||
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Yeah. | |
But it's some rural road, you gotta worry about people not paying attention and shit. | ||
Right. | ||
You move out to the middle of nowhere, you still don't fucking know. | ||
Stephen King, remember what happened to him? | ||
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Uh-uh. | |
Stephen King got hit by a guy who was, I think he dropped something in his car. | ||
And so he was leaning over to pick up whatever the fuck he left in his van. | ||
Stephen King was walking by the side of the road. | ||
Maybe it was his dog. | ||
I feel like maybe it was his dog was doing something. | ||
Anyway, the guy wasn't looking and hit him and just broke everything. | ||
I mean, his whole body was broken. | ||
He had several broken bones. | ||
He was fucked up for a long time. | ||
It took him forever before he could just sit at his desk again and write. | ||
And he details it in great detail. | ||
And he talks about it in his book on writing as well. | ||
That's him with pins in his leg. | ||
I mean... | ||
There's that dog. | ||
And dude, he was older at the time. | ||
I mean, he wasn't a young guy. | ||
But he's always looked old. | ||
For some reason, Stephen King has always looked... | ||
Like, every time I see a photo, I'm like, what is he fucking... | ||
He's always 50? | ||
He's been 50 since he was born. | ||
Well, bro, if you're carrying around that kind of evil inside your brain... | ||
That's what I'm saying, right? | ||
That fucked up shit has made him look old always. | ||
What the fuck is that? | ||
What is this? | ||
Stephen King calls... | ||
Maybe it's not his train crash. | ||
Let's not go down a little Google rabbit hole, please. | ||
He'd be there forever. | ||
Stephen King, think about how many amazing books that guy has written. | ||
Think about the diversity of them, by the way. | ||
They're not all the same kind of... | ||
People always go, like, Stephen King, horror. | ||
He's done drama. | ||
He's done a lot of different kinds of different things. | ||
But you know what I like? | ||
He almost always made it a writer for Maine. | ||
Right? | ||
It was a guy from Maine. | ||
And then this crazy shit would happen to him. | ||
That's fucking wild. | ||
Many of his stories, not all of them, but many of his stories were a guy from Maine. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Didn't he write Shawshank Redemption? | ||
Yep. | ||
It was a short story based off, at least. | ||
Dude, you know what I love? | ||
Yeah, it's not his story, but think about that, that he wrote that beautiful... | ||
And the rest of his shit is very dark. | ||
So much of it is black as night. | ||
He's got so much good stuff, man. | ||
I mean... | ||
He's got so much good stuff. | ||
Did you ever read The Tommyknockers? | ||
Uh-uh. | ||
It's fun, man. | ||
It's about an alien craft that crash-landed in the woods. | ||
And I don't want to give any spoilers. | ||
Don't, don't, don't. | ||
It starts changing people. | ||
What does Tommyknocker mean? | ||
What the fuck? | ||
I don't know. | ||
But I think it was based on some old fairy tale that people tell the scare kids. | ||
I like learning old words like that. | ||
Tommyknocker. | ||
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Tommyknocker. | |
Find out what it is. | ||
unidentified
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Let's find out what Tommyknocker is. | |
Like this word. | ||
Hey, I have a word for you. | ||
I think it was like Candyman. | ||
You know that kind of thing? | ||
Here's a word. | ||
I have a word for you. | ||
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|
There was a word that I heard that I thought was very funny that I wrote down that I was like, oh, Joe will think that's fucking wild. | |
But I like when I learn a new word, I go, oh, that's fucking... | ||
I always admire you again when I see you. | ||
With no case? | ||
I don't give a fuck. | ||
No case, Jamie. | ||
Jamie rocks no case, too. | ||
He's recently... | ||
This whole phone, since I've got the gold one, the new iPhone X. How many months has it been since you've been rocking no case? | ||
Do you feel free? | ||
Sure. | ||
Do you feel better? | ||
I only had the case for one phone, I guess. | ||
Do you feel better than other people? | ||
No. | ||
I would. | ||
I feel riskier. | ||
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I would. | |
You feel like more... | ||
Every day you make it a success. | ||
I so admire how Neil deGrasse Tyson explained it. | ||
He's twirling it around his fingers. | ||
I've made some catches that maybe is a gained ability because of doing that. | ||
Right? | ||
Otherwise, I might just let it drop if it was in one of them otter cases or something. | ||
Otter box. | ||
Thick ones. | ||
This doesn't ever... | ||
I've said the same thing. | ||
Not to cop... | ||
A Neil deGrasse Tyson ship, but I love the design of this thing. | ||
Yes, it's gorgeous. | ||
Why did I buy it if I don't want the... | ||
That's what you've always said. | ||
Yeah, why? | ||
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|
I love it. | |
It's beautiful. | ||
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It is. | |
And I see people with these huge cases, like, it's an OtterBox in case I fucking throw it off a cliff. | ||
Why am I throwing my phone off a fucking cliff? | ||
Why are you throwing your phone off a cliff? | ||
But also, what? | ||
I'm sorry, I got Tommy Knockers coming in. | ||
But also, by the way... | ||
We're all stone folks. | ||
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|
Yeah. | |
But also, I think about it in the sense of, I know this sounds privileged, fine, but I have AppleCare, which isn't that expensive. | ||
How dare you? | ||
If I fucking break it, I just get one! | ||
It's like 20 bucks! | ||
What the fuck? | ||
You're a monster. | ||
Take that fuck. | ||
Oh, he broke it! | ||
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Jesus! | |
I don't give a fuck, Joe Rogan! | ||
You don't give a fuck. | ||
What does Tommy Knockers mean? | ||
It's based off of knockers who would have been miners trapped in a cave and would have been pounding on rocks to get rescued. | ||
In his book, it's the aliens underground who are knocking on rocks. | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
I don't remember the exact premise. | ||
I knew they were doing something that was changing the people. | ||
They made a really kind of funky movie. | ||
It wasn't like the best movie. | ||
It wasn't a good film. | ||
It's hard to make his fucking... | ||
Was it for TV? It was a miniseries for TV. How many episodes? | ||
I think four or five. | ||
It's one of those ones where you almost got to imagine it in your head. | ||
And that's an asshole thing to say. | ||
I used to have a joke about Game of Thrones. | ||
People say, it's booked better. | ||
I'm like, how is that possible? | ||
You're watching real dragons and people fucking and then sword fighting. | ||
It's impossible. | ||
And you're going to tell me that... | ||
Two episodes? | ||
So two hours? | ||
That movie, if you wanted to really figure out what the book is, it would have to be hours and hours and hours. | ||
That book was nuanced. | ||
The book got into psychology. | ||
What was the other one where the dudes were in the woods and some alien crawled inside that guy's asshole and killed him? | ||
Which one was that one? | ||
The Stephen King book? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Family reunion? | ||
No, there was like some alien thing. | ||
It crawled in his ass and killed him? | ||
Yeah, it would take over these people. | ||
It would take over these people. | ||
It was in the guy's toilet. | ||
You know who it was? | ||
It was the guy who was in that HBO series, Homeland. | ||
Oh, oh. | ||
Mandy Patinkin? | ||
No, it was the guy who was captured. | ||
Remember? | ||
He was captured and he was turned over. | ||
The red-headed dude. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Yeah, that guy. | ||
What the fuck is that guy's name? | ||
What the fuck's that guy's name? | ||
I know what you're talking about, but this is a newer movie? | ||
We can figure this out. | ||
We're going to get to the bottom of this. | ||
Well, first of all, that guy, find out the TV show Homeland First Season, and then you'll find the guy's name. | ||
He's on Billions now. | ||
Billions, that's right, that guy. | ||
That guy's an awesome actor. | ||
You know that guy has an English accent? | ||
Yeah, he does. | ||
Isn't that crazy? | ||
I know that. | ||
As good as he is? | ||
At being an American? | ||
That's creepy. | ||
Well, it's kind of like, what's his name? | ||
The Walking Dead guy. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, same guy. | ||
I mean, same thing. | ||
I'm getting there, hold on. | ||
How are you doing, Jamie? | ||
Wait, wait. | ||
Also, Damien Lewis. | ||
Damien Lewis. | ||
Okay. | ||
Go to Damien Lewis' IMDB. And there was a movie that he did a few years back that was a good fucking movie. | ||
It was a Stephen King movie. | ||
I wasn't the right one. | ||
I just never heard of it. | ||
It's called Dreamcatcher. | ||
Dreamcatcher. | ||
That's it. | ||
I was thinking white trash. | ||
That's why I was thinking white trash. | ||
I was like, white trash, white trash, trailer trash, dream catcher! | ||
Same kind of thing, though. | ||
White trash loves dream catchers. | ||
That is the barbed wire around the bicep tattoo of the house accoutrements. | ||
A dream catcher? | ||
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|
Yeah. | |
Yeah. | ||
Why do people love... | ||
unidentified
|
People love... | |
Whenever you see someone had one, you're like, dude, fuck, man. | ||
Bummer. | ||
unidentified
|
Bummer. | |
When my kids were five, they liked it. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Where's your puka shells? | ||
When your child just learns about the world. | ||
It's just not a good piece of art. | ||
I'm sorry. | ||
Adults think it's wonderful. | ||
The best dream catcher sucks. | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
Right? | |
You notice everyone that has a dream catcher hasn't caught one dream yet? | ||
They're fucking... | ||
Dude, it's true. | ||
It's a dream thief. | ||
It steals dreams. | ||
unidentified
|
It's a dream thief. | |
Yeah, it catches them, but you don't fucking get them, dummy. | ||
If you were in a girl's house, imagine if you were single, and after all this conversation, the girl you dreams, she's got a goddamn dream catcher over the bed, and you're like, fuck. | ||
She's perfect in every single way. | ||
Every other way. | ||
But she believes in astrology, and she has a dream catcher. | ||
It was so right. | ||
It was exactly who I am. | ||
It said I was smart and creative and gifted and that I'm beyond generous to my friends, which is totally true. | ||
She wants you to rub, what is it, crystals or gems in your hand before you fuck? | ||
She's like, can you roll these in your wrists before we get... | ||
No, they will match your intentions. | ||
They'll change colors if you're really your true self. | ||
Be me, I'll be you. | ||
Bro, how often when somebody goes, what's your astrological sign? | ||
I'm always like, oh, get the fuck away from me. | ||
Yeah, but I am a Leo, and Leos are supposed to be kind of douchey in a little bit of a way. | ||
Oh, well. | ||
They're very aggressive. | ||
What does it all mean? | ||
Aren't Leos supposed to be confident or something like that? | ||
I think it's all bullshit. | ||
I'm a Libra. | ||
Does that mean I'm like every fucking guy born in October? | ||
That's absurd. | ||
unidentified
|
Yes, you are. | |
You should all get together and form a fucking club. | ||
October buds. | ||
And then you would get banned from Facebook for being racist. | ||
Libra boys. | ||
It'd be all white guys. | ||
It'd be like the new Proud Boys. | ||
It's the Libra Boys. | ||
By the way, I can't wait for Sober October for me to keep drinking. | ||
I want to come on the show and have a drink just to watch you guys battle nonsense. | ||
I don't know what we're going to do. | ||
Whatever you do, I'm still not going to be sober. | ||
It's my birthday month. | ||
I can't fuck with that shit. | ||
Well, the real problem is the time commitment. | ||
I have podcasts that are booked all the way up to then. | ||
And I know there's going to be a lot of shit I have to do. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I can't dedicate too much time. | ||
I can't do what I did last year. | ||
Let's do the Snickers challenge. | ||
I think that's the best way to do it. | ||
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
Let's do it. | ||
unidentified
|
Let's do it. | |
What if you do a different kind of challenge? | ||
I know, but what about a different kind of challenge? | ||
I would tap out first. | ||
I'm like, you guys keep your fucking shitty headaches. | ||
I'm going to go have a salad. | ||
We're going to just do a deep fake. | ||
Someone's going to do a deep fake of Joe eating Snickers. | ||
Just fucking making him phony. | ||
I've been doing it. | ||
That was the other thing. | ||
We had an idea of who could read the most books, the most pages. | ||
unidentified
|
But the problem with that is Bert would go, read it, read it, read it, read it. | |
He'd just pound through all the pages. | ||
Number one, yes! | ||
He can't read. | ||
But he'll lie. | ||
Look, I asked him if he could do the split. | ||
He goes, yeah! | ||
Can you do the split? | ||
I go, I can do the split. | ||
He goes, do it! | ||
So I did this basically. | ||
I was like an inch off the ground. | ||
And he's like, oh, you can really do it? | ||
So he went to do it. | ||
He's like, he couldn't do it at all. | ||
He's not even remotely flexible. | ||
It's not like there was a time in his life where he could do the split. | ||
But here he is, 44 years old, faking he could do the splits. | ||
I'm like, what are you doing, Bert? | ||
Why would you lie about that? | ||
He might seem like a guy that could do the splits. | ||
For a guy that's been sitting on dick for that many years, I figured he could do the splits. | ||
You know what I mean? | ||
For bouncing on so much cock, I'm surprised Bert doesn't do the splits. | ||
He's just a funny dude. | ||
You can tell he can do the splits. | ||
I can't let that happen. | ||
No, fuck that. | ||
Can't let that happen. | ||
Well, I want to be invited so I can sit with Jamie and have a drink and get high while you guys do sober shit. | ||
It has to be some sort of a legitimate test. | ||
It just can't be too involved. | ||
I can't do it anymore. | ||
Yeah, get me and Jamie in one of those bubbles so we can just get high and drunk and roll over. | ||
Yeah, give me the bubbles, bitch. | ||
This is the new feature of the Joe Rogan experience. | ||
unidentified
|
I know, I love this shit. | |
It's the bubble machine. | ||
First featured on the Duncan Trussell podcast, number 1313. It was Duncan's request that he be on that spiritual number. | ||
Spiritual numbers are really important. | ||
It's really spreading around. | ||
Have you ever used acupuncture? | ||
I have. | ||
I love it. | ||
Is it legit? | ||
It's legit as fuck. | ||
I love it. | ||
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
It's wonderful. | ||
They say it's legit. | ||
You've never done it? | ||
No. | ||
Fuck, you would love it. | ||
Yeah, I did do it once, but I did it with a dude who did some... | ||
He just was a little weird. | ||
He wanted you to drink certain herbs and shit, and he couldn't tell you why. | ||
I just went to a fucking dope acupuncturist and got it done, and it's great. | ||
My face fucked me up. | ||
My face was getting fucking me up. | ||
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
That scared me. | ||
Maybe they put it in your face? | ||
All over your face? | ||
Yeah, a little time. | ||
Everywhere? | ||
No, no. | ||
In your sinuses. | ||
unidentified
|
How about your eyes? | |
Boop, boop, like in your sinuses and shit. | ||
If they could fix your eyes. | ||
If you could make your eyes per- What's wrong with my fucking eyes? | ||
20-20 vision. | ||
Maybe it was slipping. | ||
I'm 19-20, I think. | ||
What if it got to like 40-40? | ||
50-50. | ||
Sick. | ||
Then I can see shit through three feet of ice. | ||
Is it the opposite or the other way? | ||
What is it like? | ||
No. | ||
8-8 is like the most insane vision ever. | ||
Is it? | ||
The smaller number at a second is the better vision. | ||
Yeah, so I'm saying 50-50, bro. | ||
You'd be blind as fuck. | ||
I'm 50-50. | ||
But they can fix it, but you've got to keep your eyes open, like that movie Clockwork Orange. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Prop your eyes open and just puncture the shit out of your eyeballs. | ||
So you're looking up. | ||
I see these spears coming out of your eyeballs. | ||
Dude, there's people that get tattoos on their fucking eyes. | ||
Have you seen that shit? | ||
They get them on the whites of their eyes. | ||
You did a bad thing. | ||
Bad person. | ||
Dumb person. | ||
Tattoo your fucking eyeballs, dude. | ||
I see someone like that. | ||
I imagine being that guy's dad. | ||
Imagine being his friend. | ||
But his dad. | ||
Like, you raised a boy. | ||
And whatever happened, whether it is a chemical imbalance or whatever happened, what happened? | ||
Was it abuse? | ||
I don't know what happened. | ||
Well, for sure, something. | ||
Something happened. | ||
Parent, people are fucked. | ||
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. | ||
That guy... | ||
In San Diego, I was telling you about it. | ||
A man threw sandals at me this weekend at my show. | ||
Yeah, what happened? | ||
I called him Sandal Steve. | ||
There's two embarrassing parts of this story. | ||
For this man, the Sunday show was fucking phenomenal in San Diego. | ||
It was so fucking dope. | ||
We sold out the weekend. | ||
And then Sunday show was incredible. | ||
Everyone's having a good time. | ||
I'm joking around at the end of my show, very end, about... | ||
People in San Diego think wearing sandals with jeans is appropriate. | ||
I was like, that's just, that's San Diego. | ||
It's like button down, but I have sandals on. | ||
It's like, douchebags fucking have their toes out, but wear like pants. | ||
And some guys are like, hey! | ||
I'm like, let me guess, you're wearing jeans with sandals? | ||
And he brings up a sandal. | ||
And I'm like, alright, sandal Steve. | ||
Sandal Steve's everybody. | ||
And he goes, my name is Steve! | ||
And I was like, this fucking guy. | ||
Did you record this set? | ||
No, and I fucking wish I could. | ||
That was the only one I didn't fucking record. | ||
Of course, that's the universe. | ||
Of course. | ||
So, I turn to the left, and this dude throws a fucking... | ||
I see it out of the corner of my eye. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
But when the sandal hit the curtain... | ||
Actually, in La Jolla, they have the old comedy store sign. | ||
Do you know that? | ||
They brought that down, the old neon. | ||
Yeah, they have the old neon now. | ||
It hit the neon, and I was like, dude, what the fuck was that shit? | ||
And it kind of, you know when something doesn't register? | ||
Because I was like, no way. | ||
What if he broke the neon? | ||
Dude, bro, murder. | ||
So I turn, and then as I'm turning, another sandal gets tossed on stage. | ||
Not thrown, but like tossed. | ||
And... | ||
I immediately, I was like, wait, what the fuck? | ||
And he's going like this, hey, bro! | ||
And the staff is coming up and grabbing this fucking moron. | ||
And two dudes are standing up in the audience, ready to swing. | ||
People were like, it was a commotion. | ||
And I was like, what the fuck? | ||
And he goes, I'm just kidding around, we're kidding around. | ||
And they were like, get the fuck out, dude. | ||
And he goes, come on, man, I'm a big fan. | ||
I go, dude, get the fuck out. | ||
You can't throw Get the fuck out of here! | ||
So they remove the dude, but the best part, or the most unfortunate part is, it's his daughter's 21st birthday. | ||
And she's a big fan. | ||
Right? | ||
Your shithead dad threw sandals at your fucking door. | ||
So of course, if she's listening... | ||
I love you. | ||
Thanks for being a fan. | ||
Sorry your dad is a fucking moron and threw his sandals at us because that's how you get kicked out. | ||
That's sad. | ||
Dude, he threw them at my fucking head. | ||
It missed my head by like a foot. | ||
And he thinks, I'm just kidding around. | ||
Like, no, dude, it's not funny. | ||
You can't throw sandals at people. | ||
You can't throw shit at people. | ||
No, you can't throw shit at people. | ||
And the poor girl, man. | ||
I've never seen someone so embarrassed. | ||
She was getting her purse and shit, and she's like, wavering through the crowd. | ||
And the son is like, can I get back his sandals? | ||
And I was like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
It doesn't usually happen. | ||
It's rare. | ||
You gotta do some dumb shit. | ||
It does happen. | ||
Hey, man. | ||
This guy got kicked out at the improv. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
He was heckling everybody. | ||
And then when I got on stage, I mean, he was just so loud. | ||
And they just grabbed him. | ||
And I go, dude, you gotta shut the fuck up, man. | ||
What are you doing? | ||
What are you doing? | ||
This is ridiculous. | ||
You know you're interrupting. | ||
And they just grabbed him. | ||
And the lady who was in front of him, who's his girlfriend, they're kicking him out. | ||
They go, sir, you're gonna leave. | ||
She looks at me and she goes, did you do this? | ||
I go, did I do that? | ||
No, bitch. | ||
I go, this is your fucking problem. | ||
This is your life in a nutshell. | ||
You were here with him. | ||
You saw what happened. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You saw me tell the guy, what the fuck are you doing, man? | ||
Then you saw the staff kick him out. | ||
Then you asked me, did I do this? | ||
But you know I didn't do this. | ||
You did this, Joe. | ||
No, you did this. | ||
But imagine the kind of enabling where you're right next to the guy who's yelling out stupid shit, interrupting the show. | ||
You're watching the staff come over. | ||
You're watching this guy get kicked out and she looks at me like, did you do this? | ||
Did I do this? | ||
You gotta get your life in order! | ||
Lady, hey, clean your room. | ||
Clean your room, bitch. | ||
Clean your fucking room, bitch. | ||
That's your problem. | ||
It was so crazy. | ||
I was like, you saw. | ||
You were here with me. | ||
The crowd was going apeshit. | ||
But they think it's your fault. | ||
Those two people. | ||
She thought it was my fault. | ||
Everybody else thought it was hilarious. | ||
The rest of the crowd is so angry at them. | ||
Because it's so indicative of what we know to be true about certain people. | ||
There are certain people that blame everyone else except themselves. | ||
Totally. | ||
Always. | ||
Totally. | ||
When you're watching a guy who says, she's like, he loves you. | ||
I was like, well, he's ruining the fucking show. | ||
Like, you just don't come to a show if you can't keep your fucking, your Tourette's in check. | ||
You just want to scream shit out and just be acknowledged. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
You're ruining the whole show. | ||
This sounds fake. | ||
The same show, the Sunday show, we were joking around how crazy it was, in the middle of a setup. | ||
I'm about to tell a fucking setup, and a guy goes, Santino, what's your favorite thing about San Diego? | ||
And I was like, what? | ||
What? | ||
And he goes, I'll just... | ||
And everybody goes, boo! | ||
I mean, everyone's lighting him up, because they were like, is this... | ||
Some people get so excited sometimes, and I don't... | ||
I love... | ||
The dude was a nice dude who was just like, bro... | ||
Yeah. | ||
You've got to know the rules of the thing. | ||
You can't just do it. | ||
He's been out by the beach too much. | ||
Too much, bro. | ||
There's those guys that it's too much salt air and too much sun, and they're cooked. | ||
They're like a slow... | ||
You know how if you're going to smoke a piece of fish, if you put your hand in there, it doesn't even seem like you would do anything. | ||
Right. | ||
You seem like you'd be fine. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You live there forever. | ||
But you can't. | ||
After like four or five hours, you become a smoked piece of fish, right? | ||
That's what happens to those dudes' brains. | ||
Smoked fish. | ||
A certain amount of those guys' brains that are always by the beach, they don't drink enough water, they just get old and leathery. | ||
Right. | ||
Oh, the leather thing is gross. | ||
Their brain's leathery. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
When you see them on the outside, they look leathery. | ||
Their brain looks like that too, man. | ||
I mean, I'm not a doctor. | ||
They're smoked. | ||
They're smoked. | ||
And they come to the show they're slowly smoked - by the way about so many I had a bunch of Mexican fans I love my Mexican fans cut showed up in San Diego and all these dudes after the show were like you want us to fuck that dude up dog The fucking sandal dude. | ||
I was like hey man. | ||
I'm not gonna you do whatever you want to do Not right now Don't ask Mexicans to beat up white people right now. | ||
It's a bad time. | ||
I'm imploring all Mexicans to beat up Mexicans. | ||
All this wall talk, they'll throw in a few extra shots. | ||
Mexicans should beat up everybody. | ||
Beat up everybody, Mexicans. | ||
That's Andrew Santino saying that. | ||
They might have my favorite food. | ||
I've been thinking about this. | ||
I think... | ||
unidentified
|
Mexican's the best. | |
Not my favorite food... | ||
Here's the thing. | ||
Honestly. | ||
It really varies. | ||
Like sometimes my favorite food is steak. | ||
Sometimes my favorite food is Italian. | ||
But my favorite food, when I know I probably shouldn't be eating it, but I want to eat it anyway... | ||
It's like a lengua quesadilla from a real Mexican joint. | ||
Like that place I've taken you guys to. | ||
There's a joint in the valley. | ||
You go there, they have Mexican soap operas on TV. Those girls with the big tits and the red dresses. | ||
Always, right? | ||
And everyone in there is like locals. | ||
They're like a bunch of dudes who are getting off work. | ||
It's like a... | ||
Real small, hole-in-the-wall type place. | ||
Everyone speaks Spanish. | ||
100%. | ||
Everything's written in Spanish. | ||
The food is off the fucking charts, dude. | ||
It's off the charts. | ||
You get lengua quesadilla, bro, with the spicy sauce. | ||
What kind of meat is in there? | ||
Lengua. | ||
Tongue. | ||
Lengua tongue. | ||
Yeah, beef tongue. | ||
It's beef tongue. | ||
It's sensational. | ||
Dude, it's so good. | ||
I'm going. | ||
Get one of those. | ||
They have all kinds of tacos. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
What's your death row meal, then? | ||
Is Mexican in your death row meal? | ||
I'm not eating before I go. | ||
Fuck all that bullshit. | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah, if you're going to kill me, you want me to have a good time eating lobster first? | ||
Fuck you. | ||
I'm eating death row meal for sure. | ||
I'm not eating shit. | ||
I'm eating all of that shit. | ||
I'm just thinking of trying to take one guy out when he tries to get me from the jail. | ||
That's all my concentration is on. | ||
Come get me, bitch. | ||
I'm eating. | ||
If you're going to kill me, come on, man. | ||
I'm not eating a lobster. | ||
Well, I'm not going to eat a fucking lobster. | ||
I'm trying to figure out a way to kill you. | ||
If they're trying to kill you, you're trying to figure out a way to kill them? | ||
I'm taking somebody. | ||
Just one guard gets murdered. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, that's a good way out. | ||
I'll fuck up one guard. | ||
Don't you think you would be thinking that way? | ||
No. | ||
Unless you did something horrific and you want to die and you know you're terrible. | ||
But what if you were wrongfully accused? | ||
If I'm wrongfully accused and I'm on death row, I'm trying to kill somebody. | ||
Or you kill yourself when they get to you. | ||
Yeah, but how do you? | ||
It's so hard in jail. | ||
They make it real hard. | ||
They keep things from you that you could kill yourself with, which is horrific. | ||
Yeah, they put you in just a room. | ||
Because the problem is you could kill somebody else with it, right? | ||
They left some wire with fucking handles on it. | ||
You're not going to turn that in, right? | ||
That's going to get passed around. | ||
Some dudes are going to die. | ||
Yeah, but I do think, though, if death row's coming up on you, you're thinking a lot differently. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You're not thinking about killing the guards. | ||
You're thinking about fucking... | ||
What? | ||
Please, God. | ||
People find God when they're about to die. | ||
You do. | ||
But the way to avoid those horrific thoughts is to plan a murder. | ||
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
Just think, like, how fast can I get to one of these guys before they can pile up on me? | ||
Think about what it would take, though, to get to that place when you're like... | ||
That's it. | ||
I'm going to have to fucking just kill everyone I see. | ||
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
Because I'm done. | ||
That's always the appeal of a show like The Punisher. | ||
Like the comic book. | ||
They always did a shit job with that fucking comic book. | ||
I mean, I heard The Punisher on Netflix was good. | ||
I didn't see that. | ||
I didn't watch it. | ||
But the movies, they had a Dolph Lundgren movie. | ||
He didn't even have real stubble. | ||
It's the dumbest shit of all time. | ||
Because, by the way, this is before HD. They faked his weird? | ||
They faked his stubble. | ||
And obviously fake! | ||
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
VSB! Was it Coffee Grounds? | ||
It looked so bad. | ||
It looked like a bad stipple. | ||
Like they took a wet sponge and dipped it in some dirt and rubbed it on his face and they pretended that it was a 5 o'clock shadow. | ||
I mean, whoever the fucking makeup artist was, they should have got the fucking Academy Award for parody. | ||
Worst shit ever! | ||
But it's almost like they made it a comedy. | ||
It's almost like they know this movie's a piece of shit, and they are going to make the makeup so bad and so dumb looking. | ||
Hey, that's us. | ||
That's us, dude. | ||
They're going to make the makeup looking so dumb that nobody believes it's real. | ||
Close it up on it. | ||
God, look how young he is there, Dolph. | ||
I think it's not clear. | ||
It's not clear. | ||
Well, that's why, because it's not in HD, you know? | ||
Yeah, well, it... | ||
Goddamn. | ||
Dude, it looks so fake. | ||
It's hard to tell. | ||
No, but you can see. | ||
If you watch the actual movie, did you Google Dolph Lundgren fake stubble? | ||
Not Punisher. | ||
I just did Punisher just so we could see pictures from it. | ||
I didn't want to have anything doctored. | ||
Okay, just write Dolph Lundgren Punisher fake stubble. | ||
Just try that. | ||
Fake stubble. | ||
Can we have that? | ||
Maybe nobody noticed this but me. | ||
Do we have that Mike special anymore? | ||
Where is that? | ||
Where is it? | ||
Oh, the Mike Tyson special? | ||
Yeah. | ||
There was a close-up. | ||
I remember there was a close-up. | ||
He was lying down. | ||
I was like, this is so fake. | ||
Well, I mean, right there you can tell. | ||
That looks like shit. | ||
It's hard to tell. | ||
I remember watching on TV going, what? | ||
What is this? | ||
That looks bad. | ||
Oh, right there. | ||
There you go. | ||
Perfect. | ||
It's smudge. | ||
Stringy sideburns coming down. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He just dusted his face with some dirt, it looks like. | ||
Exactly! | ||
You know what that's like when a kid in junior high is trying to get facial hair for the first time? | ||
He's got a stiver. | ||
Accentuates it. | ||
I've been thinking of rocking a police mustache. | ||
Fuck you, no way. | ||
Really? | ||
You've got to get a bushy one, though. | ||
It's got to be bushy. | ||
You've got to get real bushy. | ||
How about one like Mike Beltran when I roll up the fucking, the hairs grow long? | ||
You've got to get like Wolford Brimley. | ||
You know who Mike Beltran is? | ||
You know who I'm talking about? | ||
No. | ||
He's one of the top MMA referees. | ||
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I've seen that dude. | ||
His mustache comes down like this, like Cinderella's hair. | ||
Yeah, he's got like a, yeah, handlebars, handlebars. | ||
Big old jacked dude, too, with crazy ass mustache. | ||
You wouldn't fucking do a mustache. | ||
Maybe I'll do one like that. | ||
There's Mike Beltran, look at that shit. | ||
You have to grow that mustache for decades. | ||
How long does it take to grow a mustache like that? | ||
Forever, but braiding it kind of, I mean, dude, come on. | ||
Would you get an extension added to it so you could skip some time? | ||
That's bullshit, I wouldn't lie like that. | ||
I'd wear last extensions. | ||
Your fucking mustache weave? | ||
Yeah, maybe someone's done that. | ||
I would imagine. | ||
Maybe for a movie or something like that. | ||
Oh, it's right over here. | ||
The mustache weave? | ||
It's a look, right? | ||
But at a certain point in time, I would imagine you become a prisoner to that look. | ||
Yeah, that's who you are then forever. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, I've had a beard for as long as I can remember, and so now if I shave it, I'm fucked. | ||
I can't shave this. | ||
Are you worried about it? | ||
It's kind of strange that I can never get away from it now. | ||
This is it. | ||
I didn't think about it until you brought it up. | ||
You've never seen me without a beard, right? | ||
Who's this cat? | ||
I remember playing in a band with this guy, and I'm pretty sure part of this is fake. | ||
You played in a band with this guy? | ||
Yes. | ||
Hey, throwing him under the bus? | ||
Not in his band, but my band played with them. | ||
We opened up for this as a singer for Mudvayne. | ||
Part of it is not real, but part of it is real. | ||
He does have a really long one, but I remember seeing it up close, and it was like a rope or something. | ||
God damn, it's crazy how long you can grow a fucking beard. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's absurd. | |
Why do you think that exists? | ||
Like, why does hair on the head grow so long? | ||
Why does hair on the face grow to those lengths? | ||
It doesn't seem like it'd be useful. | ||
Well, why would nature do that? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Why would we need it? | ||
Because, like, arm hair doesn't grow that long. | ||
It doesn't need to anymore. | ||
Right, but why does beard hair grow long and arm hair stops? | ||
Well, I think it's probably because... | ||
Isn't that weird, though? | ||
Well, that's like, you know the crown of the head hair? | ||
You know this head hair here? | ||
Yes. | ||
Like, this will never, ever fall out. | ||
It's genetically, biologically... | ||
The hairs will never fall out on this crown. | ||
That's right. | ||
When you see someone... | ||
Anybody that says completely bald is still here, we'll have hair. | ||
I'm right here. | ||
You have to have hair right here, though, forever. | ||
That is weird, but what I don't understand is why can the hair on your head grow so long and the hair on your beard grow so long, but your arm hair and leg hair is always the same length. | ||
But your pubes can get rather unruly. | ||
Jamie, start to trim, you fucking filthy cunt. | ||
Your pubes can get out of control. | ||
Your pubes get out of control, Jamie. | ||
Can I say atrocious? | ||
Atrocious. | ||
They get fucking repulsive. | ||
It's also a different kind of hair. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Cube hair is weird. | ||
Yes, yes. | ||
It's angry. | ||
Yeah, angry. | ||
It's like protective hair. | ||
unidentified
|
Cut somebody with it. | |
It's like, you know what it is? | ||
It protects you from filthy pussy. | ||
Imagine if there's a reason for it. | ||
Is there a reason why pube hairs are so thick? | ||
Google that. | ||
What could that fucking be? | ||
Why is it so weird? | ||
I was thinking it's like the thick shield around a wild boar's face. | ||
Before thick comes up, why is it curly? | ||
Why is it curly? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Imagine if it wasn't. | ||
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|
Ugh! | |
Straight dick hair? | ||
Imagine if he went down on a girl and her pussy hair was like a wig. | ||
Like, what is this? | ||
All stringy and crazy. | ||
She has it parted. | ||
You're like, what is happening here? | ||
A left hair parted pussy? | ||
It's braided like my Beltran's beard. | ||
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|
Stupid. | |
There's this dumb picture that used to describe this. | ||
It says that it helps prevent friction, both being coarser and thicker and curly and all that. | ||
Listen, not the way I fuck. | ||
What does that even mean, friction? | ||
If you're trying to start a fire. | ||
Skin on skin, so you don't get a skin. | ||
Yeah, but how much hair is on your cock? | ||
Both hairs. | ||
It's like rubbing Velcro against each other, I suppose. | ||
That's funny. | ||
It just sticks. | ||
If you were on meth and Viagra and you were in the desert, do you think you'd start a fire? | ||
Do you fuck so hard you could start a fire? | ||
Oh, no. | ||
No water in the air. | ||
Yeah, you're starting a fire. | ||
If you're rubbing hard enough. | ||
You're on meth and fucking listen to Slayer. | ||
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|
Woo! | |
I think that's better than the stick rolling. | ||
How about the fiddle? | ||
You ever do the fiddle? | ||
Yeah, the bow. | ||
The bow way. | ||
Have you ever started a fire like that? | ||
I've had to try at a camp, at a summer camp. | ||
We had to do this one, we had to do a bow one, and then we had to do... | ||
The wiggle one with your fingers is ridiculous. | ||
What's this one? | ||
The Flint one. | ||
Yeah, Flint Snapping. | ||
That's the much more likely one. | ||
Yeah, that happens. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But this shit, this bullshit, is so fucking hard. | ||
It's hard. | ||
So hard. | ||
I got to the point where it was burnt. | ||
Like it was black. | ||
Like it looked like- But it wouldn't catch. | ||
I smelled it. | ||
I was pretty close. | ||
I think when I did it, I don't know when I did it, but I'm pretty sure I was like pre-teens. | ||
Yeah, when you first start those things? | ||
I think I was Boy Scouts when I was doing that. | ||
You did Boy Scouts? | ||
I did Boy Scouts. | ||
For how long? | ||
One year. | ||
How long did you do Boy Scouts? | ||
Yeah. | ||
How long? | ||
You seem like a long time. | ||
Four. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I didn't make it to WeBlow or whatever that level. | ||
You weren't strong enough, huh? | ||
It was boring, bro. | ||
Dude, I got fucking kidnapped almost by these criminals. | ||
These little kids. | ||
I went to Boy Scouts in Jamaica Plain, Boston. | ||
Jamaica Plain is like a suburb of Boston. | ||
Not really a suburb. | ||
It's part of the city. | ||
Isn't there one in New York, too? | ||
Jamaica Plain? | ||
Jamaica, Queens. | ||
Jamaica, Queens. | ||
That's right. | ||
Jamaica Plain in Boston is more gentrified now. | ||
The white people are spreading out. | ||
And there was white people there when I lived there, too. | ||
But they were like... | ||
Angry Irish people who will punch you in the face. | ||
I wasn't used to being around people like that. | ||
I lived in San Francisco and then I lived in Florida. | ||
And then all of a sudden I lived with these, like, really wild people, man. | ||
What was my point? | ||
What were we just talking about that led me to this? | ||
Huh, about Jamaica? | ||
What? | ||
About what? | ||
Right before that. | ||
About why you're talking about the angry Boston people? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
What was it? | ||
I know you just asked me a question, too. | ||
I can't remember what it was I answered. | ||
I had a point. | ||
I had a significant point. | ||
I completely lost it. | ||
So we were talking about angry people... | ||
Fire. | ||
Building a fire. | ||
Yeah, building a fire. | ||
And Boy Scouts. | ||
Oh, Boy Scouts. | ||
That's what it was. | ||
So I went to camp with these fucking kids that lived in this really tough neighborhood. | ||
And there was a lot of Puerto Rican kids, and a lot of Italian kids, and there was Irish kids. | ||
It was all ethnicities, but it was basically like low-income people. | ||
And it was the first time I was ever around kids that were legitimately dangerous. | ||
When I lived in Florida, we were around like... | ||
Alligators and shit. | ||
We used to go into the swamps. | ||
We'd find snapping turtles. | ||
I lived there for a couple years. | ||
But it didn't seem dangerous in terms of the kids that I was interacting with. | ||
Then all of a sudden I was in Jamaica playing and they were dangerous kids. | ||
Tough ass kids. | ||
They were tough ass kids. | ||
And I didn't know... | ||
I'd never had sex. | ||
And I didn't know what way a penis goes in. | ||
I didn't know it goes up. | ||
I didn't even consider it. | ||
But this kid, his name was Pauly Hudson. | ||
He lived right next to me. | ||
He shamed me. | ||
He goes, you probably don't even know that a dick goes up in a pussy. | ||
Fuck, he's right. | ||
I was like, he does? | ||
I was 11. I was like, really? | ||
I was trying to figure out how that would work. | ||
I was like, I guess I wasn't 11. I was 13. 13 was when I lived in Boston. | ||
But I was like, what? | ||
Okay. | ||
It goes up? | ||
Wow! | ||
You could have said that nicer! | ||
You could have just said, did you know that it goes up? | ||
Every other kid that I had ever encountered probably would have said, hey, did you know that when you have sex, it doesn't go straight in. | ||
Because when you think about having sex, you would think your penis would go straight forward. | ||
You think your dick goes like this? | ||
You think it would go like that? | ||
You'd never think you would go up. | ||
You're like, oh, of course. | ||
Why else would boners be like that? | ||
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|
Right? | |
It wouldn't make sense to do it. | ||
You'd have to hold them down to get them into the proper position. | ||
Okay, no. | ||
Anyway, I went to fucking Boy Scout camp with these criminals. | ||
Dude, the first night, they tied this kid up. | ||
He was sleeping. | ||
He was soundly asleep. | ||
He was a little annoying, but either way, they tied this kid up on his bed. | ||
He had a little cot, and they dragged him into the woods. | ||
It was dark as fuck. | ||
It was New Hampshire woods. | ||
You don't see anything, man. | ||
No lights. | ||
There was no moon out. | ||
So, I mean, you couldn't see your fucking hand in front of your face. | ||
I had never experienced that before. | ||
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
And I was 13. So, in all my life as a person, I had never been in a place where I couldn't see my hand. | ||
And I was outside going, this is insane! | ||
Because we were like, this Boy Scout camp was by a lake way the fuck up in New Hampshire. | ||
And what do I say in her city? | ||
Criminal kids. | ||
So they take this fucking guy and they bring him out into the forest and they leave him there. | ||
And then they came for me, man. | ||
But I woke up and I was like, fuck you. | ||
unidentified
|
Fuck you, guys. | |
I'll fuck you up. | ||
And then they took this other guy. | ||
I'm like, they left me alone. | ||
I just did. | ||
I gave up on all the activities. | ||
I was awake. | ||
When I heard that kid mumble and shit and I saw them carrying away, I was like, these guys are strapping this guy down to a cot. | ||
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|
Fuck! | |
I don't remember. | ||
They did something. | ||
I do not remember. | ||
But I remember the other kid, they put toothpaste all over his clothes. | ||
Apparently when you put toothpaste, like toothpaste does not wash out good. | ||
Especially in 19, whatever the fuck it was. | ||
What was I, 13s? | ||
So it's 1979, I think. | ||
Say 80, 79, 80. 81, I was 14. Yeah, so it's that age. | ||
80-ish. | ||
And they're like, these little fucking crooks. | ||
I was out in the woods with these kids. | ||
And we had bows and arrows and.22 rifles. | ||
You would hear ricochets, man. | ||
We would be over by the lake. | ||
Because me and this other kid, who was also this kid, we called him Onion. | ||
We went by the lake. | ||
I think it was him. | ||
Is this a Theo Vaughn story? | ||
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|
I might be wrong. | |
No, no. | ||
This is a real story. | ||
We called him Onion Man. | ||
This was another kid who decided to skip out. | ||
No one cared if you were engaging in all their activities. | ||
No one cared. | ||
Right. | ||
Literally, I'm telling you, no one was watching us. | ||
I was 13. We just grabbed fishing rods and we went where the lake was. | ||
We knew where the lake was. | ||
All these kids would get together and they're all doing archery and rifle practice. | ||
You're hanging out there with a bobber in the water and you hear them You hear ricochets! | ||
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|
You hear fucking ricochets! | |
They let these kids have guns! | ||
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|
They let these fucking kids have.22s! | |
It's a weird noise. | ||
When you think of a gun, you think of a boom! | ||
But a.22 is like crack, crack! | ||
It's like crack, crack! | ||
It doesn't feel like it would hurt. | ||
It sounds like a whip. | ||
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|
Yeah! | |
It's not as threatening as the actual action of getting hit by a bullet. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
It will kill you. | ||
It doesn't sound like what it is. | ||
People kill people with.22s. | ||
22 will fucking kill you. | ||
But it just seemed, you know, like you can't be around these kids. | ||
They were just all animals. | ||
Were you happy that you did Boy Scouts or no? | ||
Was it fun for you? | ||
I did one year. | ||
Nobody did anything to me. | ||
Nobody molested me. | ||
I feel like I got off light. | ||
You got molested, Jamie. | ||
I got out. | ||
No, how dare you? | ||
Four years. | ||
Catholic school, bro. | ||
That's where that happened. | ||
That was years later? | ||
Yeah. | ||
You know what, though? | ||
I always think about that. | ||
You know, I went to Catholic school when I was a kid, kid, and then never again, and I never got molested. | ||
I always think that maybe I wasn't cute enough or something like that. | ||
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|
I just found out. | |
Looking something up online, where I'm from in Columbus, some list just got released of a bunch of priests that have been either accused and found out that whatever happened, some are still alive, some aren't. | ||
I looked through the list and found someone that was a priest at my school. | ||
No! | ||
Nobody I know said they've been touched or anything like that, but it blew all of our minds. | ||
Fuck, that's gross. | ||
That shit is fucking gross. | ||
The thing is... | ||
It's one of the weirdest things that you can just connect a thing that's a horrific act to a church. | ||
Like, that's one thing that you just can do. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Catholic, church, Catholic, priest, pedophile. | ||
You can just say that. | ||
I mean... | ||
That's peanut butter and jelly, bro. | ||
Yeah, dude. | ||
Right? | ||
How crazy is it that the peanut butter to your jelly is fucking kids. | ||
Can you imagine? | ||
Yeah, and kids love peanut butter and jelly. | ||
If you see a jar of jelly, you think, oh, if I had some peanut butter and some bread, I'd make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. | ||
You see a priest, you're like, oh. | ||
That guy fucks kids. | ||
He fucks kids. | ||
Isn't that weird? | ||
That is crazy. | ||
You'll never get away from that. | ||
Just trying to teach the word of the Lord, man. | ||
Sure you are, dude. | ||
How crazy is that? | ||
It'll go away at some point. | ||
No, it will not. | ||
No, it will not. | ||
As long as you let those people keep doing what they're doing, it will not. | ||
Yeah, it's just gross. | ||
You know, the fucking Pope himself at one point? | ||
That guy, that Ratzinger? | ||
At one point in his life, he was involved in moving people around? | ||
Dude, they said he was wanted for crimes against humanity. | ||
That's so fucked. | ||
There's a documentary that shows that he let these people go, let this one guy go, rather, and moved him to another parish where he molested 100 deaf kids. | ||
Oh! | ||
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|
Dude. | |
Jesus Christ! | ||
That's so shit! | ||
It's pure evil. | ||
It's pure evil, and what's most fucked up about it, it's evil that's coming to people that are looking for God. | ||
Yeah, gross. | ||
Right? | ||
That's why people get mad when you talk shit about the Catholic Church, because there's a lot of great people that are, Yeah, not everyone is a shithead. | ||
No, the people that are actually going to the church are the good people. | ||
Right, right, right, right. | ||
And there's people that are good priests. | ||
They do exist. | ||
Yeah, not everyone's bad. | ||
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|
But the number that are bad is insane. | |
The number's insane. | ||
Did you ever see the documentary Hear New Evil? | ||
Did I? Speak New Evil? | ||
Is it Speak New Evil? | ||
Which one's it? | ||
It's on my iTunes. | ||
I can pull it up. | ||
Pull that shit up, baby. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Pull that shit up. | ||
But it's a horrific documentary. | ||
Speak No Evil. | ||
It's a horrific... | ||
Oh, Deliver Us From Evil. | ||
Deliver Us From Evil. | ||
God damn, we got three different titles. | ||
Which one do you like better? | ||
Deliver Us From Evil. | ||
I think they nailed it. | ||
I think they got it right. | ||
It's a terrible documentary in terms of the way it makes you feel. | ||
It's a very good documentary, but it makes you feel terrible. | ||
That reminds me of... | ||
Did you watch The Devil We Know? | ||
Which one's that? | ||
Did we talk about that? | ||
Which one's that? | ||
The Devil We Know is about 3M and Teflon. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
Oh, do you not know about that shit? | ||
No. | ||
Oh, bro. | ||
Watch. | ||
Teflon is in 99.99% of the world's blood. | ||
They had to go all the way back to the Korean War to find out Teflon not in someone's blood. | ||
What? | ||
Fact. | ||
Teflon? | ||
Teflon. | ||
Like cooking ware? | ||
The Devil We Know, bro. | ||
Watch this fucking documentary. | ||
Did you ever Google the Devil We Know debunked? | ||
No. | ||
Me neither. | ||
This? | ||
But no, that's what I always do. | ||
Oh, debunked? | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
Well, watch this shit. | ||
It'll give you some insights heavy to what's really going on. | ||
But even though I'm not doubting them, every time I look at anything like this now, I write debunked and I put it into Google. | ||
Just to find out. | ||
And I find out, is there any credible sources? | ||
Sure. | ||
And I don't necessarily automatically agree with them, but are there any credible sources that have any indications? | ||
You're trying to find if there's a balance to it. | ||
I've just said too many things that are not true. | ||
Well, because... | ||
Nothing comes up when I type that in. | ||
There's a story in the LA Times that comes up. | ||
What does it say? | ||
Variety, the devil we know, review. | ||
The LA Times says, "Should we be scared of Teflon?" On the Sundance documentary, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - Dude, in this documentary, there's a farmer that lives down the road from where, and this is 40 years ago, 50 years ago, where 3M was making Teflon, right? | ||
And he was complaining to them. | ||
Well, the water source wasn't supposed to be polluted. | ||
They lied. | ||
They put their runoff in his water. | ||
Cows had fucking, like, blue teeth and shit. | ||
Their eyes would turn different colors. | ||
Dude, he was like, he kept complaining, but they pushed him down, like, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. | ||
Until he went away, and then this documentary explores how other people have tried to tell his story, but no one gave a shit. | ||
That Teflon was killing at such a rapid rate. | ||
Before I forget this, hold that thought real quick. | ||
Can you please Google, because I keep forgetting this, can you please Google that... | ||
Water bottles in Target and other stores were found with arsenic. | ||
No! | ||
Yeah. | ||
Holy shit. | ||
Levels of arsenic. | ||
Unhealthy levels of arsenic. | ||
Jamie, you're so good at one-hand typing, it's fucking absurd. | ||
I'm a wizard. | ||
Bottle of water. | ||
Pull that up. | ||
Okay, yesterday. | ||
News, yeah. | ||
What does it say? | ||
I can't type with two hands. | ||
Jamie can type with five. | ||
He types better than I do. | ||
I'm like this. | ||
I'm like searching Peck and shit. | ||
Oh, these goddamn pop-up windows. | ||
Hey, fuck off. | ||
Get the fuck out of here. | ||
NBC News. | ||
unidentified
|
Don't be a dick. | |
Fuck out of here, NBC News. | ||
What does it say, Jamie? | ||
I don't know. | ||
Bottled water brand found to have high levels of arsenic pulled from stores. | ||
What the fuck? | ||
Brand in particular. | ||
Oh, okay. | ||
Here it is. | ||
Penafiel bottled water. | ||
Sold at Target and Walmart. | ||
That's a fancy name. | ||
Keurig. | ||
Oh, right. | ||
Dr. Pepper. | ||
Yeah, because they merged, huh? | ||
The brand said, Penafine, Penafil, unflavored mineral spring waters are involved in the market withdrawal. | ||
They wrote a statement. | ||
They're voluntarily pulling the product, which is sold at Target and Mama. | ||
So, maybe, like, their manufacturer had some fucking weird shit in their water. | ||
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
High levels of arsenic. | ||
Long-term exposure to high levels of arsenic. | ||
Drinking, increased risk for diabetes. | ||
Sure. | ||
High blood pressure. | ||
Right, but they don't say, what's the level of arsenic in it? | ||
What does high level mean? | ||
How much is okay for us to have? | ||
They're allowed to have 10 parts per billion in there and it must have exceeded it. | ||
Must have exceeded it. | ||
How much is too much? | ||
How much would you snort off someone's dick? | ||
100 pounds per billion. | ||
Free. | ||
Zero parts per billion. | ||
Just show me a dick, bro. | ||
I mean, how much are you willing to snort if you tell me that it's not... | ||
If you tell me arsenic's not bad for you, how much will you snort? | ||
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|
I'll cut it up with B12. I snorted out my dick. | |
That's fucking insane, by the way, that they were selling shit that has arsenic. | ||
Well, they didn't know. | ||
I mean, it just looks like water. | ||
That's the problem with water. | ||
It looks like water. | ||
You can get weird shit in water if you leave it in a hot car. | ||
Do you know that? | ||
Well, water bottles, yeah, they're really bad. | ||
You buy a bottle of water, you don't know what the fuck happened to that bottle before you. | ||
It's like an adopted dog. | ||
Somebody could have been kicking that thing, leaving it out in the sun. | ||
By the time you get it, man, who the fuck knows what's in there in terms of diseases? | ||
You can legitimately have water bottles that leak PCBs. | ||
They leak some sort of estrogen mimicking chemical. | ||
Really? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Did you see this shit with Justin Trudeau in the water bottle? | ||
Did you see that today? | ||
unidentified
|
What did he do? | |
Put it up his butt? | ||
It wasn't today, but yeah. | ||
Did he put it up his butt? | ||
I saw it today. | ||
Did you see it earlier? | ||
Yeah, yeah. | ||
Justin Trudeau was asked about how he and his family are doing a better job at not using plastics, and his response is so fucking awful. | ||
He can't get it out. | ||
He's like, well, we're using... | ||
Listen to this fucking... | ||
This made me laugh so hard. | ||
unidentified
|
Plastics. | |
Wait, rewind it one more time. | ||
We have recently switched... | ||
unidentified
|
You and your family do to cut back on plastics. | |
Yeah. | ||
We have recently switched to drinking water bottles out of, when we have water bottles, out of plastic, sorry, away from plastic towards paper. | ||
unidentified
|
You're fired! | |
You're fired! | ||
unidentified
|
No! | |
Listen to me! | ||
I don't care how tired you are! | ||
No! | ||
Do you imagine if somebody asked me a question like that about my job? | ||
Imagine if somebody said, hey, Joe, what do you think could be done to stop head trauma in MMA? And I'd be like, well, we could... | ||
Conceivably, there's not much, but we could pad the elbows, we could pad the knees, we could... | ||
I would have a thought! | ||
I would've fucking thought that shit through. | ||
He didn't think that shit through at all. | ||
And he was also thinking about getting caught in a lie. | ||
I have plastic everywhere. | ||
I gotta get home. | ||
Burn the plastic! | ||
He called his wife on the limo on the way home. | ||
Burn the plastic! | ||
Burn it all! | ||
They're coming for us! | ||
All the plastic? | ||
They go into the house. | ||
There's not a fucking bottle in the house. | ||
It's all plastic. | ||
Everything's plastic. | ||
No glass. | ||
They throw away their forks with every meal. | ||
They stick them in the fucking... | ||
You stick them in a sea monkey cage and feed them to turtles. | ||
Fuck you! | ||
Jester Jones' house is made of plastic. | ||
His whole house is plastic and everything. | ||
You know what he does? | ||
He collects those little things that six packs come with and he just chucks them in the ocean for a laugh. | ||
unidentified
|
He goes to a lake and just puts a bunch of fucking duck killers out there. | |
That's what I heard. | ||
Listen, if you find a male... | ||
Justin Trudeau. | ||
If you find a legit male feminist, let me talk to him, because I've never met one. | ||
Every one of them I've ever met is a dude who's running a scam, right? | ||
It's the same thing. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
I love women. | ||
I see these sweeties, these non-male sweeties. | ||
I'm like, okay, you're trying too hard, man. | ||
Something's wrong. | ||
It's so obvious, man. | ||
Someone wrote online this guy that was like... | ||
I'll stand by every woman forever and know that. | ||
That's so crazy to say. | ||
What are you saying? | ||
That guy's going to stalk you. | ||
He's going to stalk you. | ||
His words sound like a normal person's words, but you just have to have a deep vocabulary of crazy. | ||
Those combination of words in that circumstance only exist from the mind of a crazy man. | ||
Normal people don't fucking say that shit. | ||
No! | ||
Nope. | ||
No, no, no, sir. | ||
No. | ||
It's super important to tell those guys no. | ||
No. | ||
That's why this whole incel thing, you know about incels? | ||
Yes. | ||
What to do, what to do. | ||
What to do? | ||
unidentified
|
What to do? | |
No one wants to fuck them. | ||
What do you do? | ||
What do you do? | ||
unidentified
|
Get your shit together. | |
Okay? | ||
I went through a six-month dry spell when I was 19. And the first time I had sex with a girl after that, I came immediately. | ||
It was depressing. | ||
I stuck in there. | ||
I was like, yikes! | ||
It was sad. | ||
I smelled like desperation. | ||
I had very little interaction with regular people. | ||
All I was doing was doing martial arts and training. | ||
I wasn't meeting any girls. | ||
I was meeting zero girls. | ||
And when I got together with the girls, I panicked. | ||
You're just jerking off feverishly? | ||
I don't remember. | ||
Jerking off feverishly when I was that age. | ||
I went through a really fucked up time when I was a young teenager where I thought that my desire for sex was a weakness. | ||
Damn! | ||
And that I should avoid it. | ||
Who put that in your head? | ||
What put that in your head? | ||
unidentified
|
No one. | |
No one put that in my head. | ||
I put it in my head because I was trying to figure out how to get better at martial arts. | ||
Yeah, but something had to help that. | ||
No, nothing helped that. | ||
Negativity. | ||
unidentified
|
Nothing? | |
Nothing helped that. | ||
No, it was pleasure. | ||
The desire for pleasure was a weakness. | ||
Wow, what the fuck? | ||
Dude, that's black. | ||
No, it wasn't because it was recognizing that real pleasure, the only pleasure that I had gotten up to that point, was satisfaction in being good at competition. | ||
So when I started being good at competition, I realized, okay, this is better than anything, so how do I get successful again? | ||
Well, one thing you can't do is get wrapped up in anything stupid, and you have to stay mentally strong. | ||
So why do you want pleasure? | ||
I just want it. | ||
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|
It feels so good. | |
I felt weak. | ||
I felt like that was a weak thing to want. | ||
That's a lot of good foresight because most kids at that age that are testosterone levels through the fucking roof are like, I want to get good at this thing, but also, oh my god, I want to fuck everything that walks. | ||
It was also, it had to be flavored by the puritanical shit that I grew up with. | ||
I was just going to say, there has to be some dark to that. | ||
But not, I don't think so, man, because before that I was really into it. | ||
Once I started fighting, it was also so dangerous that I was always worried about doing something wrong and getting hit. | ||
And then maybe if I'd lived my life correctly, I wouldn't have gotten hit. | ||
Because I saw a lot of guys get kicked in the face, man. | ||
How many times have you been kicked in the head? | ||
Oh, I have no idea. | ||
I have zero idea. | ||
A lot. | ||
A bunch of times, for sure. | ||
A bunch of times. | ||
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|
Goddamn. | |
I don't know. | ||
Never unconscious from that. | ||
Never unconscious from anything. | ||
I dropped from a punch in a fight. | ||
I got TKO'd. | ||
I got dropped. | ||
He hit me in the jaw. | ||
It didn't hurt, per se. | ||
Sometimes you get hit in the body like a liver shot. | ||
It fucking hurts so bad. | ||
It doesn't matter if you're in the middle of a fight. | ||
It hurts so bad. | ||
But the jaw didn't hurt. | ||
But my legs just stopped working. | ||
They went, weep! | ||
They just stopped. | ||
They just shut off. | ||
And they went out from under me. | ||
It was crazy. | ||
I don't think I'd ever had it happen that way before. | ||
I'd definitely been dinged where I wobbled. | ||
But I covered up and recovered. | ||
I hadn't had that happen before. | ||
But I never had it where my shit just shut off. | ||
My legs just shut off, dude. | ||
But I was still conscious. | ||
And then I was trying to get up and I was on this fucking boingy. | ||
They just didn't work. | ||
And then he hit me a couple more times and I fell again. | ||
The referee stopped the fight. | ||
So that was the worst. | ||
I'd ever been hit in the head. | ||
You'd ever been knocked out from a kick? | ||
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No. | |
But I was always scared of it. | ||
You've been knocked out though? | ||
No. | ||
Never been knocked out. | ||
Never once? | ||
No. | ||
Shit. | ||
No. | ||
How many concussions do you have, do you think, on record? | ||
I don't know. | ||
I have three. | ||
I think two. | ||
One when I was a kid, I think I know I cracked my head 'cause I have a giant scar back there above my hair transplant scar, where I cracked my head on this cement sewer thing. | ||
unidentified
|
Two? | |
There was like some crane, We were kids. | ||
We were running past this thing and something happened. | ||
I don't remember exactly what happened, but it involved falling and something slipping and something hitting me in the head. | ||
And it hit me in the head pretty fucking hard. | ||
I didn't go unconscious, but the whole world went like this. | ||
Yeah. | ||
I remember saying to the doctor that I grayed out. | ||
Like, I grayed out, but then I came back. | ||
It was a big impact on my head. | ||
So it was that time and then the time that I got TKO'd. | ||
But then the other times in between, it was mostly just getting dinged. | ||
When you just popped and your legs give out a little bit, then you cover up. | ||
And then, you know, usually, like, it's in sparring, you'll stop. | ||
And if it's in a fight, you get a, you know, either you fall down or you get a standing eight count, you know, depending on if you're boxing or kickboxing or whatever you're doing. | ||
But in the gym, you just fight. | ||
In the gym, guys get dinged and they go down and nobody does anything to stop it. | ||
And you get back up and you're getting hit again. | ||
Like, you really probably should stop the sparring. | ||
But people are, you know, guys are fucking animals, man. | ||
Animals. | ||
Animals. | ||
And in a boxing gym, when you're allowed to indulge in that sort of animal behavior, it gets encouraged, especially amongst really good guys. | ||
Right. | ||
I had my fucking knees taken out from under me. | ||
That's why I had my first concussion. | ||
Oh, you told me about that in basketball, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
That sounds horrible. | ||
Fell on my neck. | ||
Fell on my fucking neck. | ||
On a hardwood basketball floor. | ||
And I remember vividly two moments. | ||
One, people telling me to sit down because your natural reaction sometimes when you get knocked out like that to bounce off your head is to get back up, you know? | ||
And I could, but I was unconsciously doing it. | ||
And then I remember that, and then I remember the paramedics. | ||
Asking me to lie down. | ||
And I remember saying, I'm going to throw up. | ||
And I did. | ||
I threw up everywhere and passed out. | ||
Then woke up in the hospital. | ||
I fell on my fucking back. | ||
And then in fucking junior high, I got popped so hard. | ||
In football, I got hit so hard. | ||
My dad was like, you got your bell rung. | ||
I was listening to Bo Jackson. | ||
He's on the Meat Eater podcast this week. | ||
And he was saying he wouldn't have his kids play football. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Isn't that crazy? | ||
That guy lived through hell. | ||
He has a hilarious, crazy story of his life, but about getting the one time he got KO'd in a game, waking up and going to the wrong side. | ||
And they say, hey, motherfucker, you're on the wrong side. | ||
And then he goes over there and then he hears a gunshot and sees people running. | ||
He's like, who got shot? | ||
He goes, it's halftime. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He thought he was playing the wrong team. | ||
He has a hilarious story, but it's also kind of dark, man. | ||
He's talking about how crazy he was in his childhood, too. | ||
Did you see that documentary about him where he could shoot bow and arrow with his foot? | ||
Can he really? | ||
Did you not see that? | ||
Show him that. | ||
He was saying he got his shoulder replaced. | ||
This motherfucker is an athlete to a degree that's creepy. | ||
Dual sport athletes... | ||
Everyone thinks they could. | ||
Almost no one really can play both sports. | ||
No, he was incredible. | ||
He was unbelievably talented. | ||
But yeah, there was a documentary. | ||
He's living in the woods. | ||
What was I talking about him with? | ||
It says he could shoot a bullseye from 100 yards away with his feet. | ||
Thank you. | ||
That's what I'm talking about. | ||
I don't know that there's a video of it. | ||
They must have a photo or some shit up there. | ||
On the documentary, he talks about it. | ||
Skip to the 69-minute mark of his 30 for 30. Yeah, it was a 30 for 30. What was I talking about him, though? | ||
I had a point. | ||
He was telling a great story to a meat eater. | ||
What was it? | ||
Crazy Life got knocked out on the wrong side. | ||
You're talking about concussions. | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
About how he wouldn't have his kids play football. | ||
Play sports, right. | ||
That's what it was. | ||
Football. | ||
Just football. | ||
Wow. | ||
I'm like, wow. | ||
I mean, dude, football is so dangerous, dude. | ||
I lost it. | ||
Yeah, it's insanely dangerous. | ||
It's beautiful, but fuck me, it's dangerous. | ||
I mean, it's so bad. | ||
Well, it's the same thing they found in hockey. | ||
The hits are harder than the fights. | ||
People are scared about the fights. | ||
The hits cause more concussions. | ||
Oh, for sure. | ||
By far. | ||
Well, soccer players have problems with CTE. They get smoked. | ||
And they call it non-concussive... | ||
Brain trauma? | ||
The goalie that just won, like, Player of the Year, Robin Lerner is his name, I guess, he gave a really good speech about his mental health issues he's been dealing with. | ||
And while he accepted his award for goalie, I can't find that. | ||
Oh, wow. | ||
Because he's been hit a bunch? | ||
Yeah, it just happened last week. | ||
He's talking about his openness to the whole crowd. | ||
It's a pretty good moment. | ||
Listen, man. | ||
That helps, right? | ||
It is not a good thing to be involved with. | ||
You know, head trauma, if you can avoid it in life... | ||
It can possibly happen to you, no matter what you do. | ||
I mean, anybody can have a head trauma. | ||
It could be an accident. | ||
But if you can find a way to avoid it, you probably should. | ||
But in these sports, you can't. | ||
No, you cannot. | ||
So you've got to decide whether or not you want to take that risk. | ||
I'm not ashamed to say I'm mentally ill, but that doesn't mean mentally weak. | ||
That's a fucking dope line, by the way. | ||
That is a dope line. | ||
Because I have mental illness. | ||
You do, you bitch. | ||
You fucking asshole. | ||
Get it together. | ||
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|
Give it to me. | |
Go to a mental doctor and fix your mental illness. | ||
Maybe I have a vitamin for you. | ||
What is it? | ||
Cocaine. | ||
That's what fucked me up. | ||
My dad was a coke addict. | ||
Thanks, man. | ||
Sorry, bro. | ||
Now we're going full circle. | ||
Imagine if you were like a slightly overweight person who might be... | ||
Burt? | ||
More on the feminine side. | ||
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|
Burt? | |
And you get really mad at me like there. | ||
Burt? | ||
No, not Burt. | ||
We're not talking about Burt. | ||
You said fat guy that's a pussy. | ||
How about a woman that doesn't exist? | ||
Love you, Bert. | ||
Someone that doesn't exist? | ||
If I was an overweight person who was sensitive? | ||
Super sensitive. | ||
Would you just choose that moment to be a victim? | ||
Yeah. | ||
How would you say it? | ||
unidentified
|
Big time. | |
What would you say? | ||
You're cruel, Joe. | ||
Why? | ||
unidentified
|
Because you don't respect people like me struggle. | |
What did you do? | ||
What did I say? | ||
You know what you said, you pig? | ||
What did I say? | ||
unidentified
|
You fucking alpha male pig piece of shit. | |
You can't say that I just said something. | ||
You gotta tell me. | ||
Jamie, what did I say? | ||
Do you hear what I said? | ||
You offended me, pig. | ||
You don't even remember what I said. | ||
Tell him what I said. | ||
Call him a bitch for having mental illness. | ||
Call him a bitch for mental illness. | ||
Aren't there some bitches, though? | ||
Right, okay, there's a lot of people out there that have mental illness, and it's legit. | ||
There's a few bitches that are faking it. | ||
They're just bitches. | ||
How come you can't say that? | ||
How come you can't say that? | ||
Because you know it's true. | ||
It's not everyone. | ||
But look, there's some people that are just full of shit. | ||
Yeah, that's anything though, right? | ||
A lot of people are full of shit. | ||
All the grifters of the world, some aren't going to claim depressed. | ||
Come on. | ||
They pretend to be heirs. | ||
They pretend to be dukes. | ||
They're not going to pretend to be depressed? | ||
It's ridiculous. | ||
When a guy is called a bitch, it means he's too weak. | ||
When a woman is called a bitch, it means she's too aggressive. | ||
Do any of us have any idea what this word even means? | ||
That was so good. | ||
That tweet was so good, I wish I wrote it. | ||
Because that point is so good. | ||
Yeah, it's true. | ||
I'm glad she put it on Twitter so no one could steal it. | ||
It's almost like that idea... | ||
Like, that idea is very poignant. | ||
Like, that... | ||
Yeah. | ||
What is that fucking word? | ||
You know? | ||
Like, pussy can be great, but it can also be weak. | ||
But a pussy can give birth. | ||
I mean, a bowling ball comes out of that thing. | ||
Pussies are always strong. | ||
Ten-pound babies come out of a pussy. | ||
Imagine a ten-pound baby coming out of your dick, and they respect that thing. | ||
You know what I'm saying? | ||
I mean, what the fuck, man? | ||
Dicks would have more props if they could give birth. | ||
How could a pussy be weak? | ||
It's more like compliant. | ||
But it's not weak. | ||
Like, it's also desirable. | ||
A pussy's not desirable. | ||
It's a man. | ||
When a guy says to a pussy... | ||
A pussy's the opposite of desirable. | ||
If a guy calls you a pussy, what's the first thought? | ||
If someone's like, what a pussy? | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Oh, really? | ||
Really? | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah, right. | ||
So when a guy calls another guy a pussy, it's a cheap insult. | ||
Meaning what? | ||
Well, sometimes you're ready to fight, and you just want to provoke this guy. | ||
Yeah, so pussy's the word. | ||
Because you're a counterpuncher. | ||
So what, you're calling a guy a great sexual object? | ||
You fucking nice thing I want to fuck. | ||
You fucking pussy, just letting him know we're about to get down. | ||
You nice thing I want to fuck all the time. | ||
Get over here! | ||
If you watch guys fight, Half of it is talking shit to each other before you get down. | ||
Yeah, instigate the fight. | ||
It's not just instigating. | ||
You're getting someone scared. | ||
You're making someone nervous. | ||
Well, you're trying to measure up your confidence level versus theirs. | ||
Who's got the most... | ||
If you can get someone nervous, though, if you can legitimately get someone nervous, you can decrease their performance by a significant margin. | ||
For sure. | ||
It gets in their head. | ||
You can scare them. | ||
Yeah. | ||
You can scare someone. | ||
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|
Yeah. | |
Like, if you're really ready to go. | ||
But you have to be really ready to go. | ||
Yeah, but everybody... | ||
Because if you're trying to scare someone, they take a swing at you. | ||
Tyson talked about it. | ||
So many competitors talked openly. | ||
When they would see him, they'd get nervous. | ||
Of course. | ||
So they would get scared, and they'd fight worse because they'd get scared. | ||
100%. | ||
Everybody. | ||
I mean, you see that guy, you're like, fuck. | ||
He didn't have to talk much. | ||
He let his performances talk. | ||
The most scary thing he ever said, the scariest thing he ever said was, how dare they threaten me? | ||
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|
Fuck. | |
How dare these mere mortals come to me with their primitive skills. | ||
Is it crazy that he has such a feminine voice? | ||
He's the best. | ||
Such a masculine dude. | ||
My favorite boxer of all time to watch. | ||
He fucks everybody up. | ||
Because the moments when he would fight would not just be... | ||
I don't want to say he's like the best boxer of all time. | ||
Who is? | ||
It's either Floyd Mayweather or Roy Jones Jr. in his prime. | ||
It's how you... | ||
Or Sugar Ray Leonard. | ||
Or Sugar Ray Robinson. | ||
Or Roberto Duran. | ||
There's a lot of arguments. | ||
Or Muhammad Ali. | ||
Who is? | ||
A lot of boxing guys say Sugar Ray Robinson because he had so many fights. | ||
And he was so successful. | ||
And he fought all the time. | ||
And he fought the hardest of men in a hard, hard time. | ||
They were different people. | ||
But I say, if you had to make... | ||
Sugar Ray Robinson fight Floyd Mayweather. | ||
Floyd Mayweather would box him up. | ||
In their prime. | ||
He would box him up. | ||
I think. | ||
I think Floyd would box him up. | ||
But this is the argument of every sport ever, right? | ||
Every sport ever. | ||
Who's the best at that? | ||
There is none. | ||
It's impossible. | ||
I don't think he would be technically... | ||
At the level. | ||
He was ferocious. | ||
He was a vicious knockout puncher. | ||
He threw a double left hook like it was nobody's business. | ||
But Floyd Mayweather had a way of making guys look like they didn't belong there with him. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
The way he did it to Canelo, the way he did it to Pacquiao, the way he did it to McGregor. | ||
McGregor was... | ||
He was a skillful master. | ||
I went to that fight in Vegas. | ||
unidentified
|
Did you really? | |
Yeah, I went to that fight because of Showtime. | ||
And I've got to tell you, Floyd Mayweather looked like he was fighting a guy who's... | ||
He never fought. | ||
Even though he's fought a ton, the balance was way different. | ||
He's a master. | ||
He's a true master. | ||
He makes it look simple. | ||
That's what's disgusting. | ||
Anybody that good? | ||
When people used to watch like Jordan, you'd be like, that looks fake. | ||
He's a true master. | ||
He was just so brilliant and smooth and easy and simple. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's a beautiful magic trick to make you think it's easy. | ||
It's fucking impossible what he does. | ||
Sugar Ray Robinson was a motherfucker, don't get me wrong. | ||
I just don't think he ever faced anybody like Floyd. | ||
Because no one like Floyd existed back then. | ||
Because no one like Floyd could exist. | ||
Unless a guy like Sugar Ray Robinson existed first. | ||
So Sugar Ray Robinson had to exist. | ||
Roberta Durant had to exist. | ||
Sugar Ray Leonard had to exist. | ||
Milton McCrory had to exist. | ||
Donald Curry had to exist. | ||
All these killers had to exist. | ||
And that way, a guy like Floyd Mayweather, who was at the Tip. | ||
He figured it all out. | ||
He saw it through. | ||
See, Robinson was a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
He KO'd a lot of guys. | ||
But they stood in front of each other back then. | ||
Like, look how these guys are fighting. | ||
They're standing in front of him, and he's merking them, man. | ||
I think he was ahead of his time in a lot of ways. | ||
But he lost to Jake LaMotta, and here's my position, although it may be a controversial one. | ||
I cannot envision a world where Jake LaMotta outboxes Floyd Mayweather. | ||
I just don't see that happening. | ||
But you can't compare eras like that. | ||
You can't. | ||
You're right. | ||
It's just too hard. | ||
You can't. | ||
It's too hard. | ||
You can't. | ||
So it's like the same way we can't do it with comedians. | ||
If anybody ever asks me, I always say that Lenny Bruce is probably the greatest of all time because he was the first. | ||
He was the guy who opened the door. | ||
He was the guy who did the weird shit that we do, where we say ridiculous, like we've done on this podcast. | ||
We say ridiculous shit, and you make it funny, and sometimes, at least, sometimes, it has a point to it, and it makes you reconsider. | ||
But we hear you're watching Ray Robinson and Jake LaMotta. | ||
If Jake LaMotta stood like that in front of Floyd Mayweather, Floyd Mayweather would still be hitting him. | ||
unidentified
|
It was 1946. You'd still be punching him. | |
I think Ray Robinson was the best of his era, for sure. | ||
And he was an amazing, amazing boxer. | ||
Oh, fuck. | ||
But I mean, a lot of boxing guys are like, you don't know shit about boxing. | ||
You're right. | ||
I don't, in comparison to what I know about MMA. I know he was amazing. | ||
I know he was like the Gene Fulmer knockout, the Jake LaMotta rematch when he had him tied up against the ropes and he was just beating his fucking brains out. | ||
He lost to Billy Kahn. | ||
He was beating Billy Kahn, but he got from heat exhaustion, I think. | ||
And Billy Kahn was a light heavyweight. | ||
He was a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
He was a bad motherfucker. | ||
I just don't think you can compare Hoist Gracie to Robert Whittaker. | ||
I think they're different animals. | ||
You know what I'm saying? | ||
Robert Whitaker is the current middleweight champion to Hoyce Grace who won the UFC in UFC 1. He won in UFC 1 because Robert Whitaker of 2019 wasn't there. | ||
Yeah, but how many years ago was UFC 1? | ||
It was a long time ago. | ||
1993. It's so different. | ||
Nothing compared to that. | ||
That was the 40s, man. | ||
Right. | ||
That's what I mean. | ||
Exponentially even more different. | ||
Way different. | ||
Way different. | ||
I mean, technology alone has improved so much in the way we train how to fight or train how to play sports. | ||
But did you watch Roy Jones Jr. in his prime? | ||
I mean, I saw him fight. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Dude, Roy Jones Jr., when he was in his prime, did things that even Robinson didn't do. | ||
He would put his hands behind his back. | ||
Right, well, taunting and shit. | ||
And guys would move in on him and he'd KO with one punch. | ||
Right, right. | ||
And he'd be like, what? | ||
He said a bait. | ||
He would hit guys, and it would look like it was an impossible matchup. | ||
Like, Vinny Pacienza fought Sugar Ray, or excuse me, fought Roy Jones Jr., and Roy Jones Jr. went a full round without getting hit by a punch. | ||
Do you know how crazy that is? | ||
Almost impossible. | ||
At a world championship level against a guy who, in Vinny Pazienza, was a multiple-time world champion. | ||
Does that happen today? | ||
No. | ||
No way. | ||
He was on another level. | ||
He couldn't maintain it. | ||
He didn't maintain it. | ||
But you can only maintain that for so long. | ||
That's a shooting star. | ||
That's a Bad Company song, son. | ||
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|
Right. | |
Look at this. | ||
This is Roy Jones Jr. Look at that! | ||
Look at that! | ||
That's James Toney, by the way, that he did that to. | ||
Dude, Roy Jones Jr. was on another planet, son. | ||
He called for the stoppage when he started fucking up Vinny Pazienza. | ||
Putting his arm out. | ||
Dude, I'm telling you, this was like one of the beatings of all beating. | ||
You see a guy who's, at this time, probably the best ever. | ||
Look at that combination, son. | ||
Look at that combination when the referee rescues him. | ||
When Roy Jones-June was at his prime, everybody was like, yeah, but the guys he fought, they weren't that good. | ||
Bullshit. | ||
He was better than anybody. | ||
He was so good. | ||
He was on such another level that he made world-class fighters look like they weren't that good. | ||
Bro, he outboxed Bernard Hopkins back then. | ||
I mean, he was on a fucking... | ||
And Bernard Hopkins was hard as fuck. | ||
By the way, Bernard Hopkins, who didn't have the same sort of dynamic explosive style, Bernard Hopkins was a much more solid fundamental guy. | ||
You know, it was a different kind of style. | ||
And Bernard Hopkins wound up beating Roy as Roy was on the way downhill. | ||
Look at him. | ||
He tells this guy to get him. | ||
Just tonting the shit out of this motherfucker. | ||
Standing right in front of him. | ||
Bang! | ||
We play basketball games, like full games, in a fight later that day. | ||
Pink. | ||
Dude, I'm telling you. | ||
You had to see. | ||
He was almost bored for a couple years. | ||
Because there was a couple years where Roy Jones Jr. was just a show. | ||
Nas put him in a song. | ||
He said, the new Mike Tyson is Roy Jones. | ||
But hold on. | ||
You just missed the greatest one of all time. | ||
Go back to that one. | ||
Back it up. | ||
Watch this. | ||
Watch this. | ||
Boonk. | ||
K.O. Pan's behind his back. | ||
He's not even there. | ||
Pan behind his back. | ||
This is John Ruiz. | ||
Now this is the fight that fucked him up. | ||
This is why. | ||
He went all the way up to heavyweight to fight John Ruiz. | ||
And he got to like 200 pounds. | ||
And if you look at him, he's pretty stout. | ||
Then his next fight. | ||
Look at that. | ||
Come on, son. | ||
But his next fight, he had to fight Antonio Tarver. | ||
And Tarver's a legit, world-class light heavyweight. | ||
And... | ||
And Roy just didn't look the same. | ||
It didn't look the same dropping all that weight coming back from heavyweight to fight Tarver, and Tarver knocked him out. | ||
What's the weight difference that he went down to? | ||
25 pounds. | ||
That's a lot of fucking weight. | ||
That's a lot of fucking weight. | ||
A lot of fucking weight. | ||
Especially when you're that high up. | ||
Not only that, let's be just real here. | ||
Let's be real here. | ||
There's not a lot of ways where a man in his 30s gains 25 pounds. | ||
Well, come on. | ||
unidentified
|
Other than... Mexican supplements! | |
Yeah! | ||
In my ass and then in my arm. | ||
Yeah, dude. | ||
You know what Tarver said? | ||
You got excuses tonight, Roy? | ||
That's what he said to him before he knocked him out. | ||
When they were facing each other. | ||
But if you look at Roy in this fight, he just does not look as good. | ||
He just did not look as good. | ||
He was more smooth. | ||
He didn't look as muscular. | ||
And Tarver was a real problem, man. | ||
Tarver's a dangerous guy. | ||
See, Roy, when you're losing that much weight to get down from 200 pounds, you're fucking depleted, man. | ||
I don't care what anybody says. | ||
For him to take that fight, if he's going to do it smart, he should have been fucking marathon running for like a year or something. | ||
Just try to lose that weight. | ||
But to try to lose 25 pounds of muscle... | ||
In just a few months time, that's right there. | ||
That was the left hand that knocked him out. | ||
And Tarver was a world-class motherfucker back then. | ||
Tarver might have knocked him out even if they did fight without any problem. | ||
But Roy for sure had a problem. | ||
He had a real hard time making that weight. | ||
And Tarver was legit as they come. | ||
Where's he now, Roy Jones? | ||
Tarver's still fighting. | ||
And Roy Jones Jr. just retired. | ||
Tarver's a heavyweight now. | ||
What? | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
He took some time off because he got caught with... | ||
unidentified
|
He got caught with some shit. | |
Something happened. | ||
And Roy Jones just retired, huh? | ||
Yes, thankfully. | ||
But he was willing to come out of retirement for Michael B. Jordan... | ||
unidentified
|
What? | |
Who was saying that he could box with him because of the movie Creed. | ||
Oh, get the fuck out of here. | ||
And Roy was legitimately trying to set it up. | ||
Why? | ||
For publicity shit? | ||
He was like, I'm going to fuck this dude up and make a lot of money. | ||
Yeah, beat the shit out of him. | ||
What the fuck? | ||
Michael B. Jordan. | ||
But he was apparently, he was legitimately trying to set it up. | ||
We made a video where I was telling Michael B. Jordan, please, I don't care who's talking to you, listen to me. | ||
Do not do this. | ||
Yeah, dude, what the fuck? | ||
Do not do this. | ||
End your career? | ||
You have no idea how bad that guy's gonna light you on fire. | ||
He's going to light you on fire. | ||
In his worst days. | ||
It was a joke, but Justin Bieber said he wanted to fight Tom Cruise. | ||
Dana White said, fuck it, set it up. | ||
I don't know why he was joking, but the internet ran with it. | ||
And you know what? | ||
I would love to see that. | ||
That's why he did it, because he knows people would pay money. | ||
That's hilarious. | ||
I'd watch the fuck out of that. | ||
You wouldn't watch that fight? | ||
Tom Cruise was like a high school wrestling state champion or something like that. | ||
Was he? | ||
Yeah. | ||
There's pictures of that for sure. | ||
So why wouldn't you want to watch that? | ||
That's my point. | ||
He's 85 years old. | ||
He's 55 though. | ||
He's 85 years old and he just broke his ankle doing a movie. | ||
Dope. | ||
And he believes in warlocks. | ||
I want to see him fight a fucking weirdo kid. | ||
They're both super small too. | ||
I don't know how that would like, it wouldn't be super interesting. | ||
I met Justin Bieber when he was a young fella. | ||
He came to the UFC. I worked with him young. | ||
We did fucking punk with that kid. | ||
unidentified
|
When he was 16, I don't know, 17. Listen, man, that ain't a way to do it. | |
But if you're gonna do it, he's handled it as good as any. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That's not a way to grow up. | ||
It's a terrible way to grow up. | ||
If anybody says they would handle that differently, they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. | ||
Pretty fucking good job. | ||
I think what would help him, like legitimately help him, is a real struggle, like jiu-jitsu. | ||
Get into real martial arts. | ||
I don't know if he's into it. | ||
Well, that's what I'm saying. | ||
I think he's fighting because he's training now. | ||
Is he? | ||
I think he offered up a fight because he's learning how to train. | ||
Tired of people talking shit. | ||
unidentified
|
He got sick of that shit. | |
He's like, come fuck up. | ||
Look at... | ||
Wiz Khalifa. | ||
Dude, Wiz is jacked. | ||
Wiz is a super nice guy. | ||
unidentified
|
Jacked. | |
Super nice guy. | ||
But I'm saying, he used to be thin and now he's like, fuck that, I'm gonna jack out. | ||
Did you see the podcast I did with him? | ||
We talked about it, yeah. | ||
He just really got into it. | ||
You guys got baked as fuck. | ||
Not as baked as I did with Be Real. | ||
That's the highest I've ever been in anything. | ||
Be Real, Cypress Hill. | ||
We were barbecued. | ||
We were barbecued already and then we're like, when we get in the car, then we're gonna really smoke. | ||
I'm like, no! | ||
Dude, he does a show about putting weed and food on Vice. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And those motherfuckers eat endless amounts of fucking weed on camera. | ||
That's all they do all day. | ||
They smoke joints waiting to eat the weed food. | ||
I was like, this dude is legit. | ||
Be real. | ||
He's a Jedi. | ||
He's a Jedi. | ||
He didn't even flinch. | ||
I tapped out like two minutes into the car ride. | ||
We're not in a car ride. | ||
We're just sitting in a parked car. | ||
But two minutes into sitting in the parked car smoking weed. | ||
I'm like, I can't do this. | ||
I'm going to talk. | ||
You want me... | ||
If you want me to speak English, I'm gonna have to fucking chill. | ||
I just put my joint down. | ||
I'm like, I'm gonna take a break here. | ||
I was so high. | ||
But those are guys that could smoke blunts to themselves. | ||
Mm-hmm. | ||
That's great. | ||
That, to me, is like... | ||
Don't watch movies with three-lip blunts. | ||
Yo, Star Wars 1. This shit look fake as fuck. | ||
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
You know, what's his name? | ||
Action Bronson does that show where he gets high and watches Ancient Aliens. | ||
I was trying to do it last season, but every time they were doing it, I was busy doing something else and I couldn't do it. | ||
Dude, he's the best. | ||
They get high and watch Ancient Aliens. | ||
That dude is the best. | ||
And they sit around on a green screen. | ||
That's a show! | ||
That's a show! | ||
But that's good TV. That's better than half of the other bullshit that's out there. | ||
That's fun and new. | ||
Well, it's fun, for sure. | ||
Look, I mean, think about, if you can have some dude showing up at garage sales trying to get the best deal, you can't have Action Broadcasting on a green screen with his homies getting blasted. | ||
Come on, bro. | ||
Yeah, hilarious, bro. | ||
His big body best right there. | ||
Look at his headset. | ||
Got that Tommy Tung joint. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Not quite. | ||
Tommy Chong joint's right here, folks. | ||
Look at DJ Alchemist is sleeping on the far right. | ||
He's not even awake. | ||
Look at him. | ||
He's a good dude. | ||
Action? | ||
Yeah, he's a really good dude. | ||
That dude's the shit. | ||
Let me see that thing. | ||
This is the Tommy Chong joint. | ||
Be gentle, bro. | ||
He's smoking a fat one, but not like that motherfucker. | ||
This is ridiculous. | ||
Unless the Tommy Chong joint dropped down to that size. | ||
You're never going to smoke this. | ||
No, I'm going to keep it forever. | ||
He's a legend. | ||
Tommy Chong is a legend. | ||
I used to listen to his albums when I was a kid, man. | ||
For me to just even be on a podcast with him was surreal. | ||
I just didn't want to waste his time. | ||
I just wanted to be nice to him. | ||
Isn't that weird, though, for him? | ||
I've been on another podcast. | ||
It's big for him, though. | ||
Isn't that wild? | ||
Doesn't that make you feel the type of way where you're like, I'm a hero of this dude, and he's like, dude, I love your shit. | ||
I'm happy. | ||
I'm happy that Tommy Chong loves me because I love him. | ||
Him, Cheech. | ||
As long as I was a kid, man. | ||
Cheech, man, yeah. | ||
Those guys were heroes. | ||
They were ridiculous. | ||
They made everything fun. | ||
They were silly. | ||
They were getting high, and it was silly. | ||
I didn't even get high when I loved them. | ||
When I was watching their movies when I was a kid, Up and Smoke, what year was that? | ||
78? | ||
77? | ||
Let's say. | ||
Okay. | ||
And find that out and then find out what year Big Bamboo came out. | ||
Because Big Bamboo was the album that looked like rolling papers. | ||
Right. | ||
And they had a piece of paper in there, didn't they? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I think so. | ||
I think there was a giant piece of paper. | ||
They did. | ||
Right? | ||
78 was right. | ||
78 was right. | ||
Congratulations. | ||
78. And then wait. | ||
And then in that album, they would later put an actual piece of rolling paper in there. | ||
Well, the record sleeve was a usable rolling paper. | ||
It was gigantic. | ||
It was way bigger than that. | ||
unidentified
|
That's incredible. | |
They were promoting illegal drugs. | ||
You've got to think back then, marijuana was a full-on Schedule 1 drug. | ||
Schedule 1. Schedule 1. Actually, that was 72, was Big Bamboo. | ||
Oh, wow. | ||
Big Bamboo was before. | ||
Okay, so I was... | ||
Five? | ||
Six? | ||
Yeah, there it is. | ||
And there's the fucking rolling paper. | ||
I was five years old. | ||
So I was born in 67. This was 72. So that's the rolling paper. | ||
Wow, they have a real one. | ||
Look at the fucking inside cover. | ||
The picture of the two of them. | ||
That is crazy. | ||
Pause it when you get to that picture. | ||
Look at that picture. | ||
That's crazy. | ||
Before they were together in that improv group he was in when they were really young, like right before that. | ||
Right. | ||
That's crazy. | ||
Is that where that's from? | ||
It's right before that. | ||
Oh, I can find it again. | ||
These guys are still doing shows. | ||
Still selling out. | ||
Here's the thing. | ||
Santino and Rogan in 2084. We're going to be taking our vitamins. | ||
Take it over, dog. | ||
We're going to be taking our vitamins, man. | ||
Can you believe that, though? | ||
That's powerful to have that long-term effect of being talented and producing good shit. | ||
Those motherfuckers have been funny and cool for years and years and years. | ||
They still have fans. | ||
I mean, think about it. | ||
If you have fans from 72 to 2019, kapow. | ||
Name somebody else that's like that. | ||
Who's killing it like that, right? | ||
Who would be from that era that's still doing what they do in the comedy world? | ||
Well, it would have been Bill Cosby if he didn't have a few... | ||
What did he do? | ||
unidentified
|
Something happened, I don't remember. | |
Did you see that someone was tweeting from Bill Cosby's account about Father's Day? | ||
It was his wife, apparently, right? | ||
Isn't that what it was? | ||
Somebody said on the internet, his wife goes, real men take care of their families. | ||
Imagine just looking at your computer going, yep, this is a good one. | ||
It's a good idea to put this out there. | ||
Definitely a good idea to stay relevant. | ||
Not a good idea to hang back. | ||
I don't want a bad rep in prison. | ||
unidentified
|
I mean, how many rapes do you have to have where people forget? | |
How many rapes does it take to get the center of a jail cell? | ||
What do you got? | ||
I'm checking. | ||
Hold on. | ||
It's so strange that when I was a kid, he was the cleanest, friendliest family guy. | ||
He was Fat Albert. | ||
He was Jell-O Pudding. | ||
He was this super sweet, nice guy. | ||
Clean cut. | ||
Clean cut. | ||
And that's the same thing with the talk about the male feminists. | ||
There's guys that want women to do great because they're just kind. | ||
They want everybody to do great. | ||
You know what I'm talking about. | ||
But then there's guys that are just weasels. | ||
Yes. | ||
It must be similar to those clean-cut guys that are just really pushing you to not use such language. | ||
Why would you say something like that? | ||
Those guys are almost always fucked up. | ||
Of course. | ||
Something's up. | ||
Something's up. | ||
What do you give a fuck about people using certain words? | ||
Do you not know what a word is? | ||
A word is a vehicle for conveying intent. | ||
Some of them disturb you? | ||
What's going on behind your fucking screens, bro? | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
What's happening in there? | ||
When you deprive people of things, good God, do they want it more. | ||
And when they show signs of depravity, that means that's something deep inside of them. | ||
Do you think that everyone who's like squeaky clean is a pervert? | ||
Well, of some semblance, yeah. | ||
Yeah, right? | ||
Yes, of course. | ||
When you preach perfection, what does that really mean? | ||
Something's wrong with you, bro. | ||
Something's wrong with you, dude. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Why are you telling me how to be perfect? | ||
unidentified
|
Why are you telling me how to fucking stop doing heroin? | |
Are you? | ||
Are you? | ||
Duncan told me this about the Dalai Lama. | ||
Hilarious story. | ||
And he's blind? | ||
He goes to the Dalai Lama, says... | ||
His mother wants him to quit doing sugar. | ||
And he says, come back in one month. | ||
So he comes back in one month. | ||
And he goes, stop doing sugar. | ||
And the mother's like, well, why did you wait a month? | ||
unidentified
|
month. | |
He goes, I want to see if I could do it. | ||
unidentified
|
That's hilarious, isn't it? | |
That's so poignant. | ||
Like, oh, yeah. | ||
Yeah, you should, right? | ||
Yeah. | ||
unidentified
|
There's a lot of people telling you That's wild. | |
Respect women. | ||
Just respect them. | ||
Meanwhile, that guy just got done screaming at his ex-girlfriend. | ||
Fucking bitch! | ||
I'll fucking strangle you and shit. | ||
I'm on Twitter, you fucking bitch! | ||
You fucking bitch. | ||
unidentified
|
And then it's like, women are goddesses. | |
You must be respected. | ||
Dude, those who throw stones always live in a glass house. | ||
They always do it. | ||
That's the first person to throw something is the first person that's like, what's really going on with you? | ||
Hey, by the way, by the way. | ||
By the way. | ||
By the way, you see Louie at Skankfest. | ||
What a response. | ||
Interesting. | ||
Our boy Tim Dillon tweeted about it and people went after him. | ||
He tweeted, best moment of my year or something like that. | ||
You know what someone said to me? | ||
People lost it. | ||
I fucking love Tim Dillon. | ||
Someone said that, you know, hey, fuck you, Joe Rogan. | ||
He sexually assaulted women. | ||
Like, man... | ||
I understand that people are upset about what he did, but he did not sexually assault women. | ||
And to say that, the one group of people that it really fucks is people who have been actually sexually assaulted. | ||
Yes, sure. | ||
What he did is not good. | ||
But when a guy says, can I jerk off in front of you? | ||
And you say yes, and he does it. | ||
There's a big difference between that and sexual assault. | ||
And contrary to popular opinion... | ||
I don't know how many people really know the story. | ||
And again, I'm not saying that what he did was good. | ||
What he did was definitely not good. | ||
When people said no, he didn't do it. | ||
It's not like he made people do it if they didn't say yes. | ||
He asked questions. | ||
And a lot of people don't know this. | ||
I saw an article in one of these papers that was saying that he's changing his story. | ||
He's not changing his story. | ||
What he said was their stories were true. | ||
But in their stories... | ||
I don't think he wanted to defend every single aspect of it, but as far as I know, he didn't – no one said no and then he did it anyway. | ||
That's all I've ever heard. | ||
And Sarah Silverman talked about how he would ask her and she would say yes and he would do it. | ||
Sometimes she would say no. | ||
Say no, right. | ||
Sometimes she didn't. | ||
I want to see you jerk off. | ||
Stop. | ||
Right. | ||
He's a freak. | ||
Okay? | ||
He's a weirdo. | ||
He's a genius comic. | ||
And I don't think he's as bad as people want to believe he is. | ||
I think he made mistakes like a human. | ||
And I don't think it was good. | ||
And again, I don't think he's happy about it at all. | ||
I think that's a giant understatement. | ||
But when does it end? | ||
Like, when is he allowed to perform? | ||
When is he allowed to perform for people who forgive him? | ||
When is he allowed to perform? | ||
I don't know. | ||
The conversation... | ||
It comes to a point where it's not like you're endorsing terrible behavior, but you are saying at a certain point in time, you've got to give someone a way out. | ||
Because if you don't, then they start to recognize what you are. | ||
And you're kind of a tyrant. | ||
And you're kind of saying you don't believe in forgiveness, you don't believe in improvement, you don't believe in anybody ever getting past a bad deed that they did. | ||
And I think as a human who's a kind – you try to be a kind person, try to be a fair person. | ||
You know, you gotta let people grow and move past mistakes. | ||
I don't know when it is, I don't know what someone has to say in order to get you to forgive it, but the fact that people dwell on it, unless you and him have a personal thing, and you want to talk to him about it, and I don't know if he has, I don't know if he's done any of that stuff. | ||
But I think as a culture, we are way too quick not just to condemn but to attack and to continue to attack relentlessly and to never want someone to get up. | ||
And that's not a sign of a compassionate person. | ||
And maybe it's partly to blame for people who don't express themselves and don't give you a full version of who they are and you let people contemplate who you are. | ||
And I think anyone in the public eye has been guilty of that to some extent. | ||
But this is a significant issue. | ||
And I think that people immediately start taking sides, and they start going girl versus boy, male versus female. | ||
And I think there's real danger in us splitting up like that, too. | ||
We can't get to this place where women feel like they can't trust men, and men feel like they can't trust women just universally, and then you find rare exceptions. | ||
Like, I've read shit like that before. | ||
Like, I read some lady wrote, it was kind of sad, she wrote like, any straight white male is trash unless proven otherwise. | ||
It's like, look, I know it must be hard. | ||
Okay, dude. | ||
I know it must be hard out there. | ||
What an insane thing to cast such a big net. | ||
Not just to even think it. | ||
All Filipinos have a bad leg. | ||
But you're broadcasting it to your 16,000 followers. | ||
You're putting that on your Twitter page. | ||
It's silly, though. | ||
It's a crazy way of looking at shit. | ||
You can't encompass an entire group of humans. | ||
Ever. | ||
It doesn't make sense. | ||
It doesn't make sense. | ||
So what the fuck are we... | ||
Look... | ||
But I get where they're coming from. | ||
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
Because they feel like they're gaining ground. | ||
Sure. | ||
So a guy like Louis C.K. comes back and they're connecting him with Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby. | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
I don't think it's the same thing. | ||
Again, I don't think what he did was good. | ||
Look, I have all daughters, man. | ||
We have classes of crimes. | ||
I don't want anybody jerking off in front of them when they really don't want it. | ||
Sure! | ||
Sure! | ||
It's not good. | ||
And I'm sorry about that last summer. | ||
I didn't mean to do that. | ||
It's a barbecue. | ||
I just thought, whatever. | ||
I had a good time, dude. | ||
I had a good time. | ||
I didn't feel bad at all. | ||
No, but fucking, come on, man. | ||
I just think that, like, we have classes of crimes. | ||
You're not going to do it in this world? | ||
You're going to say they're all the same? | ||
I heard someone, I was seeing someone saying what he did was definitely a crime. | ||
And I was like, come on. | ||
You might be upset that he did it, but it's not a crime. | ||
It's wrong. | ||
It's unfortunate. | ||
unidentified
|
It's fucked up. | |
The real problem, the real issue is that he was in a position where these girls were admiring him. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
And I think he's recognized that. | ||
I don't think he's explained it to some people's, what they desire. | ||
You know, some people's requirements. | ||
And I appreciate that, and I understand that. | ||
I really just think what a lot of us are missing is just a lack of communication and compassion and understanding. | ||
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
I think we're missing a lot of that. | ||
Totally. | ||
And we're real, you know, we've got to think of people, like, anytime someone's, I mean, I'm not talking about people that are serial killers. | ||
I'm just talking about people who make mistakes. | ||
You've got to treat, we're all human beings. | ||
Yeah. | ||
People make mistakes. | ||
We fuck up. | ||
Doesn't mean you're a canceled person. | ||
We've got to stop with that. | ||
I really think that. | ||
Because I just think that it's not helping anybody. | ||
And it's getting people's jollies off because they watch someone crash down. | ||
Yeah, people love to watch someone fucking burn. | ||
And I was also thinking that also when this kind of stuff happens, people don't want to ever reconsider their opinion on a person. | ||
Like, there was this thing about Kevin Spacey. | ||
And they made the text available of this guy who Kevin Spacey was touching his dick going back and forth with his girlfriend. | ||
Bro, they were laughing about it. | ||
And they're trying to make it seem like this is evidence that he was scared and that Kevin Spacey was sexually abusing him. | ||
They were like, oh my god, he's gay. | ||
unidentified
|
He's gay. | |
He's touching my dick. | ||
He's gay. | ||
He's unzipping my pants. | ||
He's gay. | ||
This guy was texting his girlfriend while Kevin Spacey... | ||
I'm in his asshole. | ||
He's so gay. | ||
He's so gay. | ||
He must be gay because I'm fucking him in his mouth now. | ||
Bro, they released all the text messages, but they didn't release some of them. | ||
And the mother said that she deleted a lot of them that related to his frat boy-like behavior. | ||
What is that? | ||
Probably jokes about getting his dick sucked by Kevin Spacey and how hilarious that was. | ||
Leave that shit in there. | ||
That's hilarious, yeah. | ||
No, there's some deception going on. | ||
I think, I mean, obviously I'm not a lawyer, but I think they're trying to make some money. | ||
That's what I think. | ||
Sure. | ||
I think it's horse shit. | ||
I don't think this 18-year-old kid's worried about this 800-year-old man touching his dick. | ||
He flatlined that guy. | ||
He just popped him in the face. | ||
When you're 18, you'll punch the fuck out of some 65-year-old pervert. | ||
Come in, little boy. | ||
unidentified
|
Come in. | |
Unless he's a small fellow. | ||
I don't know if he's... | ||
I have no idea about his physical stature. | ||
But if I was 18, some guy kept grabbing my dick, I'd put him to sleep. | ||
Yeah, dude. | ||
That's the first thing you do at 18. You're like, I'm gonna fight you, dude. | ||
I'm like, you're not gonna fuck me, man. | ||
What is this? | ||
What's this shit? | ||
Start with the accuser texting. | ||
Like, he's hanging around me in the bar. | ||
He's got my number and asked me to come out with him. | ||
The girlfriend replies, are you kidding? | ||
And then sends two other messages saying, what? | ||
And then it says, sounds like he's hitting on you. | ||
The man types, I think he is. | ||
And then he's grabbing my leg and expletive. | ||
Oh my God, you can't say cock. | ||
And goes away to say, I'm not gay. | ||
Adding, but I think Spacey is. | ||
The accuser continued texting, saying that he was being touched inappropriately, like eight times later, adding. | ||
And then he invited me to his house. | ||
Hey! | ||
Pro tip! | ||
Pro tip. | ||
When a dude is touching your dick, you gotta tell him to stop. | ||
Look at this. | ||
Not once does he say the guy's trying to tell him to stop. | ||
What the expletive fuck is happening? | ||
Yeah, I saw this. | ||
I saw this. | ||
Have fun. | ||
Too much fun. | ||
I was gonna get to that. | ||
Jesus Christ, you reached down my pants. | ||
What the fuck is happening? | ||
Have fun, but not too much fun, if you know what I mean. | ||
Jesus Christ, you reached down my pants. | ||
Help. | ||
No, this is Kevin ducking Spacey. | ||
The bitch can't even spell it. | ||
She fucked the auto-text up. | ||
He's gay. | ||
He's buying me another drink. | ||
Oh my god. | ||
Babe, he's gay. | ||
I think I want to hang. | ||
This kid is gay. | ||
Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
Why are you texting? | ||
The accuser writes that he got autographs and a hell of a story. | ||
Come on, man. | ||
Opportunistic. | ||
Opportunistic. | ||
Maybe he's not gay. | ||
Maybe he's just a kid having a good time and doesn't understand how crazy this is. | ||
Not a lot of people who get sexually assaulted have time to text. | ||
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
I'm just saying. | ||
He's having fun playing around. | ||
He was enjoying the fact that it was Kevin Spacey doing to him, for sure. | ||
But it doesn't sound to me in any way like he was threatened. | ||
It sounds like he let the guy touch him. | ||
And maybe he should be accused of blue balling, Mr. Spacey. | ||
Did Spacey get a nut? | ||
Does it say that at the end? | ||
Do you think that he was flirting with him a little bit? | ||
Come on. | ||
Keep Kevin Spacey around? | ||
He thinks it's funny. | ||
It's fucked up. | ||
The whole story's fucked up. | ||
If Kevin Spacey really did do it, then it's fucked up that we're joking about it. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
And if Kevin Spacey didn't do it, then it's fucked up that this guy is trying to set him up because he just wants to make money and he's ruining Kevin Spacey's life. | ||
Yeah. | ||
But Kevin Spacey's life is already in the middle. | ||
Yeah, it's a spiral. | ||
There's a lot of shit going on. | ||
There's a lot of shit. | ||
A lot of dick grabbing. | ||
This was an isolated incident. | ||
That was one of many, but different many. | ||
But it's a different thing. | ||
If you look at that story, after you read those texts, you go, oh, this is a different thing. | ||
This isn't like he's trying to force some guy into a bathroom and bludgeon him and fuck him while he's unconscious. | ||
No, they're partied out having a good time. | ||
He said they're buying us another drink. | ||
The guy is hanging around. | ||
Yes. | ||
He's not being forced against his will. | ||
There's no one that's holding him there. | ||
Yeah, if you got your dick grabbed once and you didn't want it, you don't let it happen seven more times. | ||
You also don't text someone. | ||
He grabbed his dick eight times! | ||
And everyone's like, look, the victim is crying for help. | ||
Yeah, and he texts someone, he just grabbed my dick. | ||
I did it again! | ||
This is what men have to really truly understand. | ||
It is so much different when a guy like Kevin Spacey, and again, I don't know what this guy looked like, but I'm going to assume it was me at 18. Sure. | ||
A normal kid who does athletic stuff. | ||
I'm strong at 18. I'm not worried about him raping me is what my point is. | ||
Whereas a woman, if a guy's doing that and the guy's cornered you- Fear. | ||
Yeah, there's fear. | ||
There's heavy fear. | ||
You're literally worried this guy could rape you. | ||
I hope he's not that guy that would rape me, the kind of guy. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Because women don't know if you're the kind of guy that would rape them. | ||
Because look at Ted Bundy, man. | ||
He was a handsome guy. | ||
Yeah. | ||
And girls would just go with him because they thought, like, oh, he looks good. | ||
Yeah, he's fine. | ||
He seems normal. | ||
Next you know he's killing him. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Right? | ||
So girls legitimately have to worry about that work, guys. | ||
Don't. | ||
So even this guy with Kevin Spacey, if he didn't like what Kevin Spacey was doing, there's no indication that he said it to him. | ||
Right. | ||
So Kevin Spacey's probably thinking, we're gonna party. | ||
I'm touching this guy's dick. | ||
He ain't saying shit. | ||
He's just texting his friends. | ||
You gotta tell your friends when I fuck your mouth. | ||
Tell your friends. | ||
I wanna fuck your friends, too. | ||
Bring those motherfuckers over here. | ||
Bring those guys, too. | ||
Bring the whole team. | ||
I'll fuck all of them. | ||
He's probably thinking he's gonna have a good time because this guy's not saying anything. | ||
unidentified
|
Right. | |
Meanwhile, this guy's texting his... | ||
Never does he say, hey, I told him to stop touching my dick and he won't leave me alone. | ||
unidentified
|
No. | |
Doesn't say that. | ||
He said he invited me to his house. | ||
We're ready to party. | ||
I had to push him away from me. | ||
I was gonna fuck him up, but I guess he's drunk. | ||
I'm coming to you, baby, because I love you. | ||
No, it's none of that. | ||
It's like, LOL, he's jerking me off in his mouth. | ||
She says, be careful, have fun, which is like, you're out for the night, I guess. | ||
She even told him that being gay is okay. | ||
She said, are you trying to tell me something? | ||
Being gay is okay. | ||
And that's when he responded, I'm not gay. | ||
LOL. Bro, that kid's not scared. | ||
Okay, this idea that he should get money because he was getting sexually assaulted. | ||
No, you're getting hit on. | ||
And you're at an establishment that serves drugs. | ||
The drug that reduces inhibition better than any drug. | ||
Alcohol. | ||
And you're accepting this drug from this guy who's already touched your dick seven times. | ||
Acknowledging it, by the way. | ||
This isn't like a, I didn't know what was happening. | ||
unidentified
|
Written. | |
Dictating. | ||
LOL. Joking about it. | ||
His dick is in my ass. | ||
How dare this guy. | ||
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
What was happening? | ||
Do you think that Kevin Spacey should be able to sue him back? | ||
Countersuit for that? | ||
For defamation of character? | ||
Just for being a bitch. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
Just sue for being a bitch. | ||
If there was a court of men where you could judge Santino, please welcome this case. | ||
Mr. Spacey touched this boy's dick over and over again and continued to buy him drinks. | ||
And the man never said no, but he texted his girlfriend over and over again and then later on sued Mr. Spacey for sexual assault. | ||
Your thoughts? | ||
Young man, you're guilty of being a bitch. | ||
You must serve time as a biatch. | ||
Okay, then the question is, is there a real issue with him being 18? | ||
He's legal. | ||
Maybe he's legal, but maybe he's bewildered. | ||
He doesn't know what to do. | ||
Maybe he's never been around a famous guy like Kevin Spacey before. | ||
He doesn't know how to tell a guy to get off of him. | ||
He doesn't have experience being around gay guys. | ||
Maybe he's never had a guy try to fuck him. | ||
Yeah, but he's playing into the game. | ||
The texts all say that he's playing. | ||
Oh, he's touching me and maybe we're going to hang out with him. | ||
He's doing this game. | ||
He's playing a game. | ||
Immaterial. | ||
You're harassing the witness. | ||
Did the kid work at the bar or something? | ||
What was he doing at the bar? | ||
Sucking dicks. | ||
Was it a gay bar? | ||
No. | ||
He's 18. He was at a bar. | ||
I think he worked there. | ||
But he lied to him until he was 23. That was another part of the problem. | ||
The kid lied and told Kevin Spacey he was older than he was. | ||
Boom, boom, boom. | ||
The plot thickens. | ||
Also, there's bars you can go into under 21. I know you can be in there. | ||
I was just saying, what was he doing? | ||
Just hanging out? | ||
Having fun? | ||
Or was he working? | ||
Well, he did say he's going to buy us drinks. | ||
That's what I meant. | ||
Was he like a busboy? | ||
And he just kept walking by him and he kept grabbing his dick every time he walked by. | ||
Didn't he say he worked there? | ||
I'm looking at it. | ||
I don't see anything else. | ||
We don't need to keep talking about this. | ||
This poor fella. | ||
They didn't want to run into Kevin Spacey. | ||
But it was a financial opportunity and he had to... | ||
unidentified
|
He had to capitalize. | |
Yeah. | ||
Which thing's gonna happen? | ||
Think he's gonna go to jail? | ||
No, fuck no. | ||
No, these guys... | ||
Is that guy's gonna get any money? | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
The kid? | ||
Hush money is... | ||
Yeah, he'll get some hush money. | ||
unidentified
|
Why didn't he already get it? | |
How much does he want? | ||
He'll get it all. | ||
He got him drunk and then sexually assaulted him at that bar is what happened. | ||
He worked there. | ||
Is that what he said? | ||
Yeah, he worked there as a busboy. | ||
Okay. | ||
People with wealth always get off. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, what's her name? | ||
The USC people? | ||
Lori Loughlin? | ||
You know what's fucked up, man? | ||
They get off. | ||
The last season of House of Cards? | ||
unidentified
|
Nobody gave a fuck about it. | |
There was a big billboard. | ||
The billboards and everyone was like, oh, okay. | ||
It was a four-year consideration. | ||
What is her name again? | ||
Robin Wright. | ||
Yeah, Robin Wright. | ||
She's amazing. | ||
She's amazing in the show. | ||
She's one of the best actresses we've ever had alive. | ||
She needed him to play off. | ||
He was the ultimate evil that was turning her more evil. | ||
Well, they're balanced. | ||
She killed her boyfriend. | ||
Spoiler alert. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Bro. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Bro. | ||
By the way, in the show, he's doing a lot of gay shit. | ||
Like, hint, hint. | ||
The whole show he does. | ||
He gets his cocks up in a library or some shit. | ||
Kisses guys. | ||
A lot of crazy shit. | ||
It's a crazy fucking show. | ||
Which is why I loved it. | ||
And it was amazing. | ||
And you needed a dirty, crazy fuck like Kevin Spacey to pull that character off. | ||
For sure. | ||
Look, part of you knew he knew what it was to be a crazy fuck. | ||
It's like part of how he pulled that role off. | ||
You bought it. | ||
Okay? | ||
That's not Ron Howard pretending to be banging dudes and Getting his dick sucked and all that stuff. | ||
I think his best role is he's playing a crazy guy. | ||
Yeah, he's crazy. | ||
Yeah, always. | ||
It's also why he's such an amazing artist, but it doesn't give him a license to victimize all those people that he went after. | ||
Of course not. | ||
It's not justifying, but what I'm saying is it's amazing how someone who is fucked up like that can produce You know, like, this kind of art where, like, he makes a show, right? | ||
The show, a big part of what it was. | ||
It's because you bought this guy as this crazy, tormented, twisted fuck. | ||
Absolutely. | ||
I mean, he was so eloquent at it. | ||
He was unbelievable. | ||
It looked so natural. | ||
It was so real. | ||
That's probably because it was real, right? | ||
100%. | ||
I mean, you know how many people in America you say... | ||
For years, you're like, Kevin Spacey's gay. | ||
And the business has known about it. | ||
And they go, you're fucking out of your head. | ||
You don't know he's gay? | ||
unidentified
|
What? | |
But how many people in America were like, no he's not? | ||
In America we go, he's not gay. | ||
What? | ||
Fucking California. | ||
Everybody thinks everybody's gay. | ||
But that's the problem. | ||
It's because there's a perception. | ||
And in the show, him playing this character who's also art imitating life, balancing on this world of hiding a big secret. | ||
It was just so close to home. | ||
It was crazy. | ||
It was such a good show, dude. | ||
So good. | ||
When she fell in love with that artist. | ||
unidentified
|
Oh, so good. | |
She went to live with him in New York. | ||
And there's pictures of them together. | ||
unidentified
|
And it's like, whoa, this is crazy. | |
Crazy! | ||
Watching them naked in bed in some amazing loft and so on. | ||
But you needed them together. | ||
After they kicked him out, you're like, what? | ||
The dynamics was too strong when they were together. | ||
It was amazing. | ||
In the episode one that I watched, the only one that I watched, everybody looked super nervous. | ||
Everybody looked super... | ||
It just looked off. | ||
What do you mean? | ||
What do you mean? | ||
Just looked off. | ||
The show looked off. | ||
They knew. | ||
Jesus Christ. | ||
They just fired Kevin Spacey and everybody was watching. | ||
Even on camera, they're like, So we'll just continue this game. | ||
It was just weird. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
I mean, maybe it got better as time went on. | ||
I didn't see it. | ||
You know who I really liked, too? | ||
Was his assistant, that guy that helped him out, that would do anything for him. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That killed Rachel Brosnahan. | ||
Yeah, I don't remember that. | ||
When you pushed her in front of a train? | ||
No, no, no. | ||
That was him. | ||
That was Kevin Spacey. | ||
Kevin Spacey killed a girl in front of the train. | ||
Right, that was a hooker. | ||
And then the other guy went back and killed a hooker. | ||
Right, that was a hooker. | ||
That hooker went on to be the marvelous Mrs. Maisel. | ||
That's right. | ||
Rachel Brosnahan. | ||
That's right. | ||
Yeah, that's right. | ||
She's dope. | ||
unidentified
|
She's great. | |
She's very dope. | ||
She's great in that Maisel show. | ||
Yes, that is a good fucking show. | ||
You know, Amazon's doing comedy specials now. | ||
Are they? | ||
They did Jim Gaffigan. | ||
Oh, I know that. | ||
And they did Russell Peters. | ||
And they're doing some other ones as well. | ||
I'll do one with them. | ||
I'll do one over there. | ||
Amazon, I'll do one with you. | ||
I like it. | ||
Yeah, I think it's cool. | ||
Breaking the mold of the Netflix mold. | ||
Everybody has Amazon Prime, dude. | ||
Everybody does. | ||
Well, now they own Whole Foods. | ||
When you go to Whole Foods, you get a good discount on shit. | ||
That's wild. | ||
I was like, she was like, do you have your app? | ||
You scan your fucking app. | ||
Nice. | ||
Give yourself a little bit of turkey legs. | ||
What do you want? | ||
unidentified
|
Take a little for yourself. | |
A couple of bags of spinach. | ||
Why don't you check out at $2 off? | ||
What are you, Amazon person? | ||
Nice. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Amazon. | ||
Amazon owns the fucking world, man. | ||
Content. | ||
They're doing... | ||
What a weird company. | ||
You buy stuff with one click. | ||
You can watch TV shows. | ||
They're making TV shows. | ||
You can go buy your groceries. | ||
When are they going to open up their town? | ||
Amazon Town? | ||
Where is it? | ||
Where does it go? | ||
Buffalo. | ||
They need it bad. | ||
People in Buffalo are like, please? | ||
Would you go to Amazon Town? | ||
Would you live there? | ||
No. | ||
It'd be a mess. | ||
Jamie, would you live in Amazon Town? | ||
A lot of brown boxes. | ||
Everywhere you look. | ||
Brown boxes. | ||
We recycle. | ||
They've changed everything. | ||
They've changed the way grocery stores have to work now because they have that two-hour delivery. | ||
You have to have delivery at grocery stores. | ||
It's fucking awesome. | ||
I know, but... | ||
They do that with Whole Foods too, right? | ||
Does Whole Foods deliver? | ||
Yes. | ||
Yes. | ||
I think most grocery stores... | ||
We will reach a point now when we don't go into grocery stores. | ||
That's crazy. | ||
They'll deliver. | ||
Dude, when I was a kid, no grocery stores delivered. | ||
Do you remember a grocery store? | ||
Yeah, I've never heard of that. | ||
Never heard of it? | ||
No, that didn't exist. | ||
When did that start? | ||
They do have the store, too, where you walk in and it feels like you're stealing. | ||
And you just leave. | ||
You just leave and they charge your account. | ||
Oh, my God. | ||
unidentified
|
Do you know this? | |
In New York, they tested it out. | ||
People just walk in and you have the app in your phone so when you walk out, it registers what you have with you. | ||
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
It's fucking insane. | ||
Living in the future, bro. | ||
There will be a point when we don't ever go to those things. | ||
You get an order every week. | ||
How long will it be before they can replicate food and all you have to do is put the bare ingredients and amino acids and shit into some vat and then you print up anything you want. | ||
Print up, 3D print a steak, 3D print an apple, 3D print a baked potato. | ||
I'm hungry for a pizza. | ||
3D print it. | ||
Yeah, but you know what? | ||
What? | ||
It's not going to taste good. | ||
How do you know, bitch? | ||
Because food has love in that shit. | ||
unidentified
|
People say that, like, yeah, these new cars, man, there's no soul. | |
Okay. | ||
No, but food is different. | ||
Nutrition is different. | ||
You can never take... | ||
You can't take... | ||
How do you know? | ||
It's just elements. | ||
Just little things that they figure out how to fucking move around, wiggle. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Something about... | ||
They're being so natural. | ||
unidentified
|
Imagine... | |
Perfect comes out with a nice, like, toast to the crust. | ||
God, your fucking computer. | ||
Imagine... | ||
Just an English muffin? | ||
Dude. | ||
I don't think so. | ||
There's no fucking way. | ||
What if they nail it? | ||
unidentified
|
What if they have like the perfect trocker croissant? | |
Oh, chocolate. | ||
I was thinking, yeah, there's a touch to that. | ||
There is a touch, a human touch needed. | ||
I feel like a robot might not be able to give a great massage. | ||
Well, like, you know, they say that the oils in your hands are good when you eat with your hands. | ||
That's why a lot of the world still eats with their fucking hands, right? | ||
Utensils take away. | ||
No, they're dirty people. | ||
No, they're not dirty people. | ||
What are they doing with their hands? | ||
Your hands have natural enzymes that kill a lot of bacteria. | ||
Maybe yours, bro. | ||
Well, I'm not wiping my ass with my hands anymore. | ||
That's why in some countries it's a real insult to try to shake someone's hand with your left hand. | ||
Right, it's your booty hand. | ||
It's your booty hand, bro. | ||
It's your booty hand player. | ||
Yeah, bro. | ||
Yeah, but you know what? | ||
I still think there's something about the touch of food. | ||
When someone touches food, it does something to enzymes of food. | ||
I don't know about that. | ||
unidentified
|
Must. | |
Sounds like some fucking voodoo bullshit you learned from your astrologer. | ||
Listen, bro. | ||
You believe in the tides, Joe? | ||
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
I gotta think that you know. | ||
There's something about the love of food that fucking a robot can. | ||
You go to him. | ||
You know. | ||
unidentified
|
Because he's sensitive. | |
He's got a good heart. | ||
Yeah, he understands enzymes that come from your fingers. | ||
unidentified
|
They do! | |
Not something that's produced in your gut. | ||
Enzymes are produced. | ||
They're digestive things. | ||
Yeah, but it's in your hands. | ||
Do you get enzymes in your hands? | ||
Yeah, you do. | ||
In your fingertips. | ||
Yes. | ||
What kind of enzymes? | ||
It makes it that your food is... | ||
Where'd you read this? | ||
Look it up. | ||
Look it up. | ||
Is that real? | ||
unidentified
|
Look it up. | |
It sounds like you're talking about a cast iron skillet. | ||
unidentified
|
Like... | |
Do enzymes come off your fingers for real? | ||
There's something in your hands that changes the chemical composition of food, that changes the flavor profiles in your mouth, and it makes it so you don't get sick. | ||
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
That's amazing. | ||
Dirty hands are good. | ||
Makes it till you don't get sick? | ||
Dirty hands. | ||
People have... | ||
This is what you say before you eat ass or after. | ||
Before we fucking... | ||
Lift up your booty. | ||
When you eat ass and then have nachos. | ||
Before we had soap, what do you think? | ||
How do you think their dirty hands ate food? | ||
They died, dude. | ||
No, they didn't die that much. | ||
They were 30 years old. | ||
They were bleeding out of their asshole and mouth. | ||
Nothing at all. | ||
Get out of here. | ||
I swear. | ||
Get out of here. | ||
The only thing that's coming up, I typed in oils in hands, changing food. | ||
unidentified
|
You know what's coming up? | |
Mike Tyson weed causes you to make up ridiculous facts. | ||
You... | ||
Look at a... | ||
Jamie, search on Bing, bro. | ||
Don't just Google it. | ||
I'll let you pick the search. | ||
What would you like me to search for this? | ||
Okay, search this. | ||
Search this. | ||
I got to pee. | ||
All right, Joe's got to pee. | ||
We'll figure this out why you pee. | ||
Okay. | ||
Search... | ||
unidentified
|
This is great. | |
Search... | ||
Cultures that eat with their hands don't get sick. | ||
How about that? | ||
This is great. | ||
Mind your manners, eat with your hands. | ||
No. | ||
Eating from the same bowl, is it safe? | ||
Dining etiquette from around the world. | ||
Look, dude, there's got to be, there's some shit in people's hands that makes them not get sick when they eat. | ||
unidentified
|
What? | |
For years we ate without utensils. | ||
Yeah, but people got sick. | ||
No, but not all the time, Jamie. | ||
Heat helps that, like cooking with heat. | ||
Not everyone could cook with fire. | ||
People ate a lot of raw shit for a long time. | ||
You've got to find something on there. | ||
I mean, I'm looking. | ||
You're killing me, dude. | ||
This is killing me. | ||
I'm too high to look it up right now myself. | ||
That's the bummer. | ||
I don't even know how to do it, man. | ||
I'll try Bing. | ||
We're going to go to Bing. | ||
Go to Bing. | ||
See what the fuck Bing does. | ||
unidentified
|
Eating with hands don't get sick. | |
Yeah, there's got to be something else. | ||
Eight secrets of people who never get sick. | ||
Let's see. | ||
It's just about sleeping, sneezing, vitamin C, sleep it off, get a handle on stress, be a gym rat. | ||
This is nothing. | ||
You got nothing, man. | ||
Got nothing coming up. | ||
I got nothing. | ||
God, son of a bitch. | ||
Totally nothing here. | ||
I don't know where you got this from. | ||
Hey, just make it up for Joe. | ||
Just lie when he comes back. | ||
When he comes back, just be like, no, yeah, we found so much stuff. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
Where have I heard this? | ||
I've heard it somewhere. | ||
Someone on the internet is going to agree with me. | ||
Some dude will find it. | ||
The thing I had with Bill Cosby, he just filed today for an appeal, apparently. | ||
Oh, he did? | ||
Yeah. | ||
358 pages. | ||
A hard fucking case to fight, huh? | ||
How are you going to fight that, dude? | ||
Would you kill yourself? | ||
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
Tell him. | ||
Hey, Joe, Jamie found a ton of fucking stuff proving my shit. | ||
On fingertip enzymes? | ||
Yeah, like the QC10, something like that. | ||
No, absolutely not. | ||
Couldn't find a single thing. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That happens, man. | ||
Somebody told me. | ||
Sometimes you just have a dream, and in that dream you're convincing. | ||
No, I've heard it somewhere, and then I thought, wow, that's amazing. | ||
People, cultures, they eat with their hands. | ||
There's enzymes in your hands. | ||
No, they just don't want to change to forks, and they say, make up some story about Hindu gods. | ||
Yeah, I was in Central America. | ||
Yes. | ||
Yes, they told me. | ||
And I was eating shit raw. | ||
You're in contact with the flesh. | ||
unidentified
|
You never lose contact. | |
If you were Bill Cosby, would you just kill yourself? | ||
Yes. | ||
You would, right? | ||
I would just end it. | ||
I don't know what you can do when you're that far down the hole. | ||
So you just found an appeal. | ||
Here's a perfect example of what we were talking about earlier with Louis. | ||
Think about Louis, and now think about Bill Cosby. | ||
Totally different. | ||
Right, but people don't want you to say that because they're both, air quotes, abusers. | ||
One of them is a monster. | ||
One of them is a guy who did some stupid shit, kinky shit, weird shit. | ||
He was into it. | ||
He asked people. | ||
They said yes. | ||
He shouldn't have done it. | ||
He feels bad that he did it. | ||
But how do you forgive Bill Cosby? | ||
To take the idea that you're supposed to forgive Louis... | ||
Which I think. | ||
Yes. | ||
And then I don't see a path for Bill Cosby to be forgiven. | ||
I don't see that path. | ||
When you've ruined the lives of how many people? | ||
50 plus. | ||
When something's that heinous, I just don't think, I think it's quite different. | ||
Have you ruined their life? | ||
You certainly, certainly fucked them up. | ||
If you wake up and you're with Bill Cosby and you thought he was going to take care of you and your pants are down by your ankles and you realize he fucked you while you're unconscious and he drugged you, that is going to fuck your head up. | ||
It's going to change what you think about people, that someone could just drug you and treat you like meat. | ||
You're unconscious. | ||
They're doing things to you when you're out cold. | ||
So you're saying, what's our laws of forgiveness? | ||
Well, how do you forgive that? | ||
First of all, you can't because he doesn't admit it. | ||
He never admits it. | ||
So he never even gets to the door of acceptance, of forgiveness, of doing his penance. | ||
If there is a penance, if there's anything you never do ever, he doesn't even get to the door. | ||
If he did admit it, then would there be room for forgiveness? | ||
That's a good question. | ||
I think it would probably open up the door to more lawsuits. | ||
Sure. | ||
I think they would come storming in like hail, you know? | ||
Right. | ||
Yeah, but I know what you're saying is very smart. | ||
It's saying like, We're saying we're supposed to forgive someone like Louis. | ||
Well, what is the line of when you don't forgive? | ||
What's the line? | ||
What is the line? | ||
What's the number? | ||
What's the line? | ||
What's the atrocity? | ||
What is it that we go, you can't forgive this person anymore? | ||
What's the line of compassion? | ||
Where do you take it? | ||
The line of compassion. | ||
That's a good word. | ||
That's what it is. | ||
What is that ultimate where you go, no, no. | ||
You can no longer, from this moment forward, forgive this human being. | ||
And the problem is, now here's where it gets slippery, if you decide you're gonna be the guy who says, I'm gonna kill this guy. | ||
Someone that executes him? | ||
Yeah. | ||
If you decide, if you live in a... | ||
I mean, look, that's what we're essentially doing. | ||
We're just doing it slow by putting him in a cage. | ||
Right. | ||
But if you were going to really decide, hey, we're going to remove this guy from the population. | ||
I can't trust him with my kids. | ||
We live in a primitive society, okay? | ||
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Right. | |
We live in some village-type society thousands of years ago, right? | ||
That's what we all did. | ||
What would we do when someone was like that? | ||
Well, we'd probably try to figure out a way to get rid of him. | ||
Yeah, you'd kill him. | ||
You'd have to kill him. | ||
Yeah, you'd have to. | ||
But you would have to figure out... | ||
What are the laws that allow someone to kill somebody? | ||
Because you can't just let people kill people. | ||
Because you let people kill people, then you just come up with excuses to kill people. | ||
Right. | ||
And this is what people have done throughout history, whether it's the Mongols or the Romans. | ||
I mean, just go throughout history. | ||
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Vikings. | |
People have fucking killed people because they could kill people. | ||
So when do you... | ||
What is the moral distinction that you have to make where someone is... | ||
They have done irreparable harm. | ||
But that changes over time. | ||
Right. | ||
And that continually changes. | ||
That's my point. | ||
That will never stop changing from decade to decade, from era to era. | ||
What we find deplorable now will not be deplorable later. | ||
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Right. | |
And we see it with so many aspects of our culture. | ||
Yes. | ||
Literature, movies. | ||
Yes. | ||
The way we restrict. | ||
So what we're saying is, is there ever a line? | ||
Is there ever a line? | ||
Does it ever exist? | ||
Does that idea of like, this is the cutoff, does that really exist? | ||
Because it's constantly moving. | ||
It's constantly changing. | ||
I've said it a million times. | ||
I've never said what Louis did was okay. | ||
I think he has his issues. | ||
I don't think anybody has. | ||
But I also think everybody needs to investigate what happened and find out. | ||
He's got to talk about it. | ||
Yes. | ||
Let him talk about it. | ||
Find out what the social psychology of what he was going through. | ||
Disturbed. | ||
But what I think is happening, too, is that a lot of women feel like When these guys that are abusers got taken out, that it made it so that it was better for women and so that if they come back, things go back the way they were. | ||
That's a real thought, you know? | ||
Yes, but we must have conversation. | ||
If we don't have conversation, then we're fucked. | ||
I mean that's a real thought with – imagine being a guy like Harvey Weinstein who was doing this for so long, getting away with all this fucked up shit for so long. | ||
Supported by the way. | ||
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Supported. | |
Supported. | ||
I mean he had a clause in his contract. | ||
Detailing what would happen for the first case of sexual harassment, second case, third case, in the contract. | ||
So why aren't they up? | ||
Why aren't the people that support him up? | ||
Hey Cheeto, I'd love you to join my podcast network. | ||
I'm thinking about promoting you. | ||
I'm in. | ||
I just think you're a great guy. | ||
You're a funny guy. | ||
You're a talented guy. | ||
But I think you might be a raper. | ||
So what I want to put is the first rape, I'm going to charge you this much. | ||
What the fuck? | ||
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What the fuck? | |
Imagine the first sexual harassment has got a figure, and the second one, a lawsuit has another figure, a double the figure. | ||
They're like, three strikes are out. | ||
But it's not something he can't afford. | ||
No. | ||
It's like $250,000, $500,000. | ||
He's like a billionaire. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He's Harvey Weinstein. | ||
He goes, fine. | ||
He made Pulp Fiction. | ||
He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
I'll clear it up. | ||
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I'll clear it up. | |
He's eating food while they're talking. | ||
There's fucking crumbs all down his face. | ||
I'll take care of those numbers. | ||
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He's jerking off. | |
He's jerking off while they're talking. | ||
He's just a glutton. | ||
He's just a glutton. | ||
A filthy, fat fucking glutton. | ||
You can't make a better case for a glutton than that guy. | ||
He's a metaphor for the business, by the way. | ||
All-consuming, taking, right? | ||
And the looks, too. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He would ruin what's beautiful. | ||
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Right. | |
Take what's beautiful and fuck his mouth. | ||
He broke pretty things. | ||
With his fat gut resting on their forehead. | ||
He ruined pretty things. | ||
Yeah. | ||
It's horrible. | ||
He fucked up pretty things. | ||
Horrible. | ||
Fuck that guy. | ||
But it's interesting because that is a villain in a movie. | ||
He's a villain in a movie. | ||
Yes, he's like a bad Dick Tracy character. | ||
More modern. | ||
He's a villain. | ||
He's a villain. | ||
More. | ||
In a fucking Harvey Weinstein movie is what he is. | ||
Oh, yeah. | ||
Someone will make that film. | ||
He's a villain. | ||
No, but he's a villain in a Quentin Tarantino movie. | ||
Right. | ||
If there was a guy who was doing dark shit and then one of the girls winds up being like some kick-ass female character winds up shooting him and killing him. | ||
Like I said, Hannah. | ||
What the fuck's her name? | ||
Who? | ||
The woman who's in Kill Bill. | ||
Not Uma Thurman, but Daryl Hannah. | ||
Daryl Hannah. | ||
Yeah, Daryl Hannah. | ||
Daryl Hannah winds up killing him. | ||
Tight. | ||
Like, kills him with a brick. | ||
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Boom, boom. | |
Busts his fucking head open. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Like, Patricia Arquette when she killed Tony Soprano. | ||
Yes. | ||
Remember? | ||
Yes. | ||
Right? | ||
Like that. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Yeah. | ||
Shit was dope. | ||
Fuck yeah! | ||
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Shit was dope. | |
But that was perfect. | ||
He was the perfect character. | ||
That Tony Soprano character that she killed when James Gandolfini in True Romance... | ||
Was it Patricia Arquette? | ||
Sounds like it. | ||
Yeah, that's right, right? | ||
Isn't it Patricia? | ||
There's two Arquettes. | ||
No. | ||
What's the other Arquette? | ||
There's two Arquettes. | ||
No, no, no. | ||
Patricia Arquette. | ||
It was Patricia. | ||
David and Patricia. | ||
No, no. | ||
There's a girl. | ||
There's another girl. | ||
There is? | ||
Am I tripping? | ||
No, no, no. | ||
There is. | ||
Don't you shake your head, bitch. | ||
There was. | ||
She's dead? | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
Which one? | ||
You sure? | ||
Bro, you better not be wrong, because that's even worse. | ||
It's bad if you miss it. | ||
She's not dead now. | ||
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No! | |
Jamie! | ||
Fucked up, Jamie! | ||
Jamie! | ||
Roseanne Arquette. | ||
Roseanne Arquette. | ||
Oh, shit. | ||
She's been in a gang of movies, too. | ||
She was in Pulp Fiction. | ||
Was she? | ||
Yes. | ||
Roseanne Arquette was in Pulp Fiction. | ||
She was a part of when Vinnie Barbarino had the girl overdose. | ||
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The overdose. | |
Yeah, that was her. | ||
That's right. | ||
That was her. | ||
They had a helper. | ||
Yeah. | ||
That was her that she was helping Uma Thurman. | ||
She was the girl that had shit all over her face, as he said. | ||
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Did she? | |
He goes, who's the girl with the shit all over her face? | ||
And he goes, that's my wife. | ||
And he's like, oh shit. | ||
Were they like piercings or something? | ||
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
She had piercings. | ||
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Right? | |
Wasn't that it? | ||
He goes, how's the chick with shit all over her face? | ||
Yeah, there she is. | ||
And then he goes, that's my fucking wife, man. | ||
What a movie, man. | ||
What a fucking movie. | ||
Anyway... | ||
Easily one of the best films ever made, always. | ||
Amazing movie. | ||
But Patricia Arquette in True Romance, when she killed James Gandolfini, she's killing the glutton. | ||
She's killing the big, disgusting, asshole man. | ||
That big, asshole, shitty man who doesn't give a fuck about women and he's going to kill her, but she's Fucking... | ||
She fucking kills him. | ||
And you're like, yes! | ||
She's got blood coming down her face. | ||
It's crazy. | ||
Shit is dope. | ||
That's a great fucking scene. | ||
Great movie. | ||
That is. | ||
That scene, by the way. | ||
That Pulp Fiction scene. | ||
The heart revival scene. | ||
Nuts. | ||
Just awesome. | ||
Nuts. | ||
Awesome. | ||
So many scenes in that movie. | ||
You're like, what? | ||
I remember I saw that movie when I first moved to Hollywood. | ||
It was like 1994, I think. | ||
I first moved here, and I was watching that movie. | ||
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I was like, is this what it's like out here? | |
They're saying his new movie is awesome. | ||
He said it's his best movie he's made since then, and I've heard the reviews are awesome, and they're telling the audiences to not spoil it for the rest of the people that are going to see it. | ||
Was it Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? | ||
Yeah, it comes out in like a month. | ||
Brad Pitt. | ||
Who else? | ||
Brad Pitt, Leo DiCaprio. | ||
And Margot Robbie? | ||
Yep. | ||
They redid a bunch of Hollywood and made it look like the 70s. | ||
You can still see some of it on Sunset. | ||
If you haven't realized why some of it's been repainted in weird ways, it was because of those scenes they were shooting there. | ||
So I picked... | ||
You know Ben Harper, the musician? | ||
Yes. | ||
Couldn't name a song, but I know who he is. | ||
Yeah. | ||
He's a dope dude. | ||
Him and I were going to dinner at Musso and Frank's and he likes that place. | ||
That place is amazing. | ||
He goes, meet me at Musso and Frank's. | ||
I love Musso and Frank's. | ||
And I show up there and I'm like, dude, what the fuck is going on? | ||
Sure enough, they're shooting... | ||
Half the movie takes place in there. | ||
Right there. | ||
Right there. | ||
Because it still looks like that, so that was like the best place for them to do it. | ||
So that's where they go hang out. | ||
So they let you eat dinner while they're filming a movie? | ||
Right. | ||
They just finished. | ||
Oh, wow. | ||
That's crazy. | ||
I told the guy, I go, something's got to be going on. | ||
He's like, oh, yeah, you guys are okay. | ||
Just take a selfie. | ||
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Nah. | |
With the set. | ||
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Nah. | |
Reach back. | ||
Nah. | ||
You know what? | ||
I cooled it out. | ||
I act like I've been here before. | ||
Jesus, dude. | ||
It's already 610. This is them eating there, actually, right there. | ||
And the trailer's from the trailer. | ||
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Oh. | |
Amazing. | ||
That's that? | ||
No. | ||
Yeah, that is it. | ||
Muson Franks. | ||
That's Muson Franks. | ||
That place is amazing. | ||
That's another super old school. | ||
It feels, it feels, you know what? | ||
It fucking feels like it's been there 100 years. | ||
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Have you been, Jamie? | |
Yeah, for my birthday, yeah. | ||
Love Muson Franks. | ||
Dope place. | ||
That should be a place we should go to. | ||
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Muson Franks. | |
And we could do that before a show, you know? | ||
I would love that. | ||
Have dinner like gentlemen. | ||
Like adults. | ||
Have a scotch with a big piece of ice. | ||
Have a scotch with some ice and some steak. | ||
Suck my dick. | ||
Here we go. | ||
Give me the check. | ||
Give me the check. | ||
I feel like Mick Jagger likes to go there all the time too with Keith Richards and shit. | ||
Oh my god, I hope we see Mick Jagger. | ||
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Oh my god. | |
I hope we do. | ||
Really? | ||
Does he like to go there? | ||
They went there before they had their concert on Hollywood Boulevard. | ||
Button your tail. | ||
Can you believe that motherfucker can still dance? | ||
Bro, he had a heart attack, had open heart surgery or whatever he had. | ||
Fuck it. | ||
And he was on stage like a month later strutting his shit. | ||
He just wants to just do it. | ||
That just means the universe wants him to live. | ||
He's a beast. | ||
He's a beast. | ||
He lived. | ||
He works out on it every day. | ||
Multiple times a day. | ||
Does he? | ||
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Button your lip, baby. | |
Yeah, he does dancing and yoga and lifts weights, all kinds of shit. | ||
There was a period where he never worked out once. | ||
I don't know. | ||
Is that true? | ||
Yeah, when he was on the road, there's no way. | ||
I would imagine. | ||
Back on stage 11 weeks after having heart surgery. | ||
Fucking unreal. | ||
Sounds like me, bro. | ||
75 years old. | ||
That's what I do, bro. | ||
Sounds like me, bro. | ||
I know, bro. | ||
If I'm getting heart surgery, I'm done. | ||
That's it. | ||
You think so? | ||
Yeah. | ||
I'm walking a lot. | ||
Snort that arse neck off someone's dick. | ||
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Pfft. | |
Enough! | ||
Take a bunch of water from Target or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
Where was the water from? | ||
He works out three hours a day. | ||
Three hours? | ||
That's what their guitarist said. | ||
The doctor said they've never operated on an athlete at 75 before. | ||
So they had a really good laugh about that. | ||
And they said, he's so fit. | ||
He works out three hours a day. | ||
How old is he now? | ||
75? | ||
If you keep going, you can keep going. | ||
But if you slow down and stop, your shit will break. | ||
Joe Rogan. | ||
That's the message of the day, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
Great fucking quote. | ||
We're going to wrap this up. | ||
People on the road. | ||
Chito Santino will be with me this weekend. | ||
Friday and motherfucking Saturday. | ||
Friday at the Borgata in Atlantic City. | ||
Two shows. | ||
And then Saturday in Baltimore. | ||
I don't know where we are. | ||
Go to JoeRogan.com. | ||
Some big-ass place with the great and powerful Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
The Whiskey Ginger Podcast is available. | ||
Everywhere. | ||
All right. | ||
You're beautiful, baby. | ||
I love you. | ||
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I love you. | |
I love you, baby. | ||
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I love you, buddy. | |
Fun times as always. | ||
Shout out to young Jamie. |