April 15, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:31:12
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Four, three, two, one. | ||
| And we're live. | ||
| Tom Papa. | ||
| Joe Rogan. | ||
| Good to see you, buddy. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| Crack and lacking. | ||
| I know, not too much. | ||
| Cruising around. | ||
| We were talking about old bodies falling apart. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I got a stem cell shot in my shoulder that's killing me right now. | ||
| Yeah, I can tell. | ||
| You're in pain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| One shot? | ||
| Well, I got several in both shoulders. | ||
| And this is not like anything that's a serious injury, but they've been annoying me lately, so I said, fuck it, let me just go in there. | ||
| Every time I've done it, it's made me feel better. | ||
| Right. | ||
| How often do you have to go? | ||
| I've been doing it like once every six months. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I have been doing. | ||
| And then it kind of is okay for a while. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And once every six months seems to keep me in, but it's expensive. | ||
| So is it not curing whatever it has to be? | ||
| It's healing it, but then I'm being a moron and going back to working out hard. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What we were just saying is that soft tissue heals. | ||
| This is a soft tissue issue. | ||
| Soft tissue is one of the best things for things like stem cell therapy because you can actually regenerate tissue and it can heal things. | ||
| Where it gets a real problem, my friend Miriam Nakamoto, she brought over those snacks, those bags of snacks that were there. | ||
| She's a little snack company. | ||
| She's a multiple-time world Muay Thai champion. | ||
| Muay toy? | ||
| Muay Thai. | ||
| Muay Thai. | ||
| Thai boxing? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| You don't even know what that is? | ||
| Muay Thai, no. | ||
| Never heard of that? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| You're so... | ||
| What are you? | ||
| White. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're white. | |
| But you're also like a non-jock. | ||
| Well, I was a jock my whole life. | ||
| What would you do? | ||
| I played football. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| I played football forever and track and a bunch of stuff. | ||
| But then I stopped. | ||
| Did you fuck your body up at all? | ||
| No, not too bad. | ||
| My shoulder's a little bit. | ||
| My shoulder's a little, but that's pretty much it. | ||
| My knees, you know, like I run a lot now. | ||
| I've been running a lot for the last couple months. | ||
| What brought that on? | ||
| I just want to be in better shape. | ||
| I want to feel better. | ||
| I dropped, like, 15 pounds. | ||
| Yeah, burning off some of the bread. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I was like, maybe, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, your face looks thinner, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks good. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| That's a cool thing. | ||
| Once you get going, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You get that momentum. | ||
| That's what's up. | ||
| Well, you know what really was up was I was kind of cruising along and just, like, we lost five pounds and just kind of, like, hanging around. | ||
| And then I realized... | ||
| I'm working out, like, this workout that I'm doing would have been a warm-up when I was an athlete. | ||
| Like, this wouldn't even have been a warm-up. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, that was pretty good. | ||
| And I was like, I have to stop being a sissy and try and really push a little more. | ||
| Why don't you get a trainer? | ||
| Eh, I don't like intimacy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| That's real. | ||
| Well, you know what else you can do? | ||
| There's actually apps where you can follow an app, and the app will put you through a workout. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's several of them now. | ||
| They're really good. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| There's a bunch of really good ones. | ||
| I don't have any affiliation with any of them, so I'm not naming any of them, but you can even get a yoga one. | ||
| You can get a 90-minute yoga one where you just do yoga, and it talks you through the poses. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to do yoga all the time, but I feel like I have to shift into lifting weights again. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah, because I've just been dropping. | ||
| No, but I just feel like, you know, I don't want to be the guy at the pool with no arms. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| How many people have motivated themselves by going to the beach or the pool with very little clothes on? | ||
| I thought about, fuck, summertime. | ||
| Fuck, people are going to know. | ||
| Yeah, right, exactly. | ||
| I reveal my secret. | ||
| People are going to know what disgusts me about me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is my gluttony. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| This is my laziness. | ||
| Look! | ||
| This is what I did all winter. | ||
| This is my poor food choices right here. | ||
| Look! | ||
| I'm fine with it. | ||
| This is drinking. | ||
| This is all the upper part. | ||
| Yeah, this is the part right on the sides. | ||
| But then when I started getting after and being like, don't be such a sissy. | ||
| Work out. | ||
| Try and push it. | ||
| Then I wanted to do it more. | ||
| Then I got into it. | ||
| Then I'm like, alright, let's go. | ||
| Now I'm going further. | ||
| I'm going quicker. | ||
| But this has all been cardio. | ||
| It's all cardio. | ||
| What about just bodyweight stuff? | ||
| It's not a bad idea to start off with bodyweight. | ||
| Just push-ups. | ||
| Yeah, because you haven't really done much like that. | ||
| In a while. | ||
| Yeah, it's chin-ups, push-ups, and bodyweight squats really don't need much else. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| I've been doing more push-ups, but that's it. | ||
| Dude, you can get a ferocious workout in with change grip push-ups, chin-ups, bodyweight squats. | ||
| Just those things. | ||
| Does that mean I have to get one of those chin-up bars that goes in the doorway that... | ||
| Yeah, get a real one though, because those things fall and people die. | ||
| Those ones that hang, folks, listen to me. | ||
| Those ones that hang on the door jamb? | ||
| I used to work construction. | ||
| Those fucking things are not designed for you hanging on them. | ||
| They have little tiny nails! | ||
|
unidentified
|
And guess what? | |
| People like me probably installed them, and sometimes you don't hit a stud. | ||
| So that little tiny nail is going right into the fucking drywall, and you're hanging that thing over there, and it's pulling on that sucker. | ||
| No, then I'll mess my shoulder up. | ||
| Get those fuckers that drill into the side of the door. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| The ones that go right in the side. | ||
| They screw it in this way. | ||
| Oh, into the jam. | ||
| And it's like four screws on each side. | ||
| That'll hold your weight. | ||
| That'll hold your weight. | ||
| I'll get that. | ||
| That one'll work. | ||
| Because you're pulling down on the wood. | ||
| So the way those things are, it's like sitting on the wood. | ||
| You know those ones that hook over the top of the door? | ||
| That shit is a recipe for a broken neck. | ||
| I feel like that thing was in like every 80s movie. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they have good ones that do that. | ||
| I'm sure they do. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| But you should really check out your fucking moldings first. | ||
| Give those moldings a pull. | ||
| Why don't I just lay on the ground and do some push-ups? | ||
| Yeah, but a real chin-up bar, man, a real chin-up bar is, I mean, if you just got one in a park, Just go to the fucking park. | ||
| You're outside. | ||
| A lot of parks have those chin-up bars, those little setups where you can do calisthenics. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody ever uses those. | |
| Chin-ups are no joke. | ||
| Nobody ever uses those, but those are great for working out, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They seem too simple. | ||
| They seem like, oh, ladies must go over there. | ||
| Bro, I go to Nautilus. | ||
| I don't need this. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| I do my leg extensions on Nautilus. | ||
| I got my membership I use once a month. | ||
| Bodyweight squats seem easy when you do three. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But when you do a hundred, they become very fucking hard. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When you get to like 70, you're like, holy shit. | ||
| You feel that burn, baby. | ||
| And you start counting down in tens. | ||
| I remember doing push-ups when we played football and you would do, you know, 200. It'd be like 200. You'd break them up. | ||
| In a row? | ||
| No, break them up. | ||
| How many do we do in a row? | ||
| We do like 30 and then split them up. | ||
| And that was a big time workout. | ||
| And now I'm doing like 25. I'm like, alright, I'm good for a couple days. | ||
| It's hard, man. | ||
| It is hard. | ||
| Getting anywhere more than 30 push-ups is like, woo, shit starts getting crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a lot of pushing. | ||
| Your body has to be conditioned for that. | ||
| And if it's not, it lets you know. | ||
| You're like, 33! | ||
| Your arms start shaking. | ||
| You get cocky around 19, though. | ||
| You get to like 18, 19, like, bro, I'm feeling fucking smooth. | ||
| It's so funny how whatever number you have in your head is where you start to... | ||
| If you say I'm doing 20, you start shaking at 18. If you say I'm doing 25, you don't start shaking until 23. It's a real mental thing. | ||
| You know what's really fucking cool that I got? | ||
| Rogue makes this thing that it's like a bamboo pole. | ||
| And on the end of the pole, you put rubber straps. | ||
| You know those bands? | ||
| And then from those bands, you hang kettlebells. | ||
| Off of the bamboo stick? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So as you're doing this bench, I can't lift my right arm up. | ||
| It's in pain right now, otherwise I'll show you. | ||
| As you're doing this thing, everything's all wobbly. | ||
| Everything's super, super wobbly. | ||
| Because first of all, the kettlebell is hanging from rubber, and the stick, this bamboo thing, is super wobbly. | ||
| And as you lift weights with that, it's really good for your stabilizing muscles. | ||
| It's called an earthquake bar. | ||
| That's what it's called. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| Or there's a version of it. | ||
| What's a stabilizing muscle? | ||
| Watch the video online or someone will take us offline. | ||
| Yeah, the earthquake bar. | ||
| Yeah, that's exactly the one I have. | ||
| We have that out there. | ||
| I'll show it to you afterwards. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| Because even lightweight, like if you had to do 70 pounds with that, like 35 on each side, it's awkward as fuck. | ||
| But that doesn't look like something you want to use in your house or you're going to ruin your floors. | ||
| Put rubber on the floor. | ||
| Rubber on the floors. | ||
| Yeah, put rubber all over your house so nothing gets ruined. | ||
| Did you have grandparents that put plastic over the furniture? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| My nana. | ||
| My nana in Clifton, New Jersey. | ||
| Yeah, mine was in Newark. | ||
| Yeah, they put fucking plastic over the furniture. | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| You spent a lot of money on that couch. | ||
| It's going to have to last our whole life. | ||
| I was always confused when I was a little kid. | ||
| I'd sit on that couch. | ||
| I'd be like, this is terrible. | ||
| Especially in the summer with your shorts. | ||
| And the back of your legs would just be sweating at Nana's house. | ||
| And they eventually got kind of like yellowed by the sun and by use. | ||
| Crackly. | ||
| So it was weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was like, ugh. | ||
| You would like put like a jacket down and then you would sit on your jacket. | ||
| That whole generation never had comfort. | ||
| Like, their beds were hard, the pillows were shit. | ||
| Live through the fucking depression, man. | ||
| Yeah, that's real. | ||
| That shit, people starved to death. | ||
| No. | ||
| This was a barbaric time where people were brought down to, you know, base humanity to survival. | ||
| It was rough. | ||
| And then you have like 15 good years and then go into World War II. And they dealt with that. | ||
| So yeah, they were like, we don't need comfort. | ||
| We're not laying around in our sweatpants on beanbag chairs. | ||
| Well, they knew the importance of being vigilant, right? | ||
| Do you follow David Goggins online? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you know who he is? | ||
| No. | ||
| David Goggins is this Navy SEAL who now is more or less a motivational and fitness influencer. | ||
| Oh, the guy who runs with broken knees? | ||
| Oh, he's a fucking savage. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen some of his clips. | ||
| How many 100 mile runs did he run in a row? | ||
| Some fucking preposterous number. | ||
| Yeah, I don't remember. | ||
| I don't want to say because I can't remember at all. | ||
| I want to say six or seven, but then it's like 12 or 13. Of 100 miles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't remember. | |
| I don't remember at all. | ||
| But his whole thing is stay hard. | ||
| Like, he'll send me a text out of nowhere. | ||
| Like, just say, stay hard, motherfucker! | ||
| There's a lot of weak-ass bitches out there. | ||
| Because, first of all, if you're a Navy SEAL, this is the pinnacle of hand-to-hand combat and armed forces. | ||
| Those motherfuckers are all special humans. | ||
| And then on top of those motherfuckers being all special humans, there's guys that can just put a little of that message out. | ||
| Like, hey, you are soft as fuck compared to how people used to be. | ||
| You're all soft as fuck. | ||
| Compared to those World War II people. | ||
| You've got to stay vigilant. | ||
| Back then, everybody had to stay vigilant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You had to deal with just day-to-day life. | ||
| You had to deal with what was coming from Hitler. | ||
| You had to tune in at a certain time to find out what was happening. | ||
| Everybody had to gather around the TV for the news. | ||
| That was all the news you got. | ||
| That's all the news you got. | ||
| You only got an hour's worth. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| They didn't know what the fuck was going on. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| And they were better off for it. | ||
| Were they really? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I'm so tired of that. | ||
| What? | ||
| That they were better off for it? | ||
| I don't need to know. | ||
| They were so not better off for it. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Way better off recognizing that you're luckier than those people, having some fucking discipline, watching a David Goggins Instagram clip, and get your fucking shit together, Tom Papa. | ||
| No, I agree with everything you just said, but I'm saying they were better off not being fed a news diet 24 hours a day. | ||
| Mentally. | ||
| Mentally, probably. | ||
| We're the first human beings that have had to deal with this onslaught. | ||
| It's a double-edged sword, because if you don't get fed that, you don't find out about Julian Assange getting kicked out of the embassy. | ||
| In London, you don't find out about a million different stories that are in the news. | ||
| It's a fun story, it's a cool story, but do I need to know it? | ||
| It's a fun story! | ||
| That's a quote for you from now on. | ||
| Hey, what about Julian Assange? | ||
| Tom Papa, hands up. | ||
| In quotes. | ||
| It's a fun story, it's a cool story, but I don't need to know it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You just redefined white privilege. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You hit it. | |
| You hit it on the head and lit it on fire. | ||
| No, but seriously, what can I do about a lot of these? | ||
| You know, look, I think it's good that information's flowing and that moves everybody forward, but, you know, for me sitting in there trying to tell some jokes and feed my kids, it's like, do I need to know everything, every trouble spot going around the world? | ||
| Well, it's like, that is a very good question. | ||
| It's like, how much responsibility do you have to be tuned in to all the events of the world and to act? | ||
| Like, how much responsibility do you have outside of voting? | ||
| And do you have the responsibility to vote? | ||
| Because there's some people that are very interesting people that don't vote. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I don't agree with that. | ||
| Yeah, it's a... | ||
| I want to participate. | ||
| I understand that, but I don't think Michael Malice votes, doesn't he? | ||
| Didn't he say he doesn't vote? | ||
| I think he said he doesn't... | ||
| I forget his reasoning, but it was very logical. | ||
| No, I understand the argument. | ||
| And even if it seems kind of false, I think it kind of like mentally engages you in the world. | ||
| It's like you should be trying to participate. | ||
| I think his perspective is that as a commentator on the world, that'd be better off if he didn't actually vote. | ||
| And just look at it how he really sees it. | ||
| On both sides. | ||
| Right. | ||
| To stay impartial. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm sure I'm butchering the way he would phrase it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I think it's in the spirit of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you vote, you don't have a right to complain. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Okay, that doesn't even make sense. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense at all. | ||
| That was deep. | ||
| Well, you know. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| But look, it's a lot... | ||
| Look, I think it's... | ||
| Trying to be a good person on just a person level and trying to take care of your family and work hard and be good with people and help your community. | ||
| That's kind of the extent of what you can do and hopefully that spreads out. | ||
| But, you know, Julian Assange, okay. | ||
| Well, really, I mean, why is that, you know, like all those people that we're talking about at that generation that only got news during that six o'clock hour, you know, were they less citizens of the world because they only got that little dose? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They were less informed and the idea is that more people can get away with things they shouldn't be able to get away with. | ||
| Like what's happening right now with Julian Assange. | ||
| Julian Assange, in anybody's estimation, if you look at what he did, he distributed information that was extremely interesting to most people in the world. | ||
| That didn't know about it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Exposed a lot of scary shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Exposed a lot of corruption. | ||
| Exposed a lot of, I mean, what corruption did it expose? | ||
| I know it exposed, there was that collateral murder video. | ||
| That was one of the first ones where they showed them shooting. | ||
| They shot at these guys who they thought were soldiers, and they were reporters. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And it was sort of just the way they dealt with it. | ||
| It was very scary for people watching that someone could just like dehumanize accidentally killing the wrong people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And make it like... | ||
| That was the military? | ||
| They were making it like, you know, hey, but you kind of have to be in that mindset to be able to gun people down from the sky in the first place. | ||
| The whole... | ||
| Look, you've got to put yourself in the perspective of someone who has to do that job. | ||
| And you take a regular person, and then you train them to do that job, and then you ask them to go and pull the trigger on people. | ||
| They're going to develop a coldness to them. | ||
| They have to, right? | ||
| But to see it. | ||
| So what Julian Assange did is he showed it to us. | ||
| And then he released all sorts of... | ||
| I mean, I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't really studied all the files and what was released and what wasn't. | ||
| Apparently, when Ben Shapiro was here, he said that people's names got put out. | ||
| Apparently, that was someone hacked into WikiLeaks and released that information before they could redact the names. | ||
| This is what I've been told by multiple sources. | ||
| But again, I didn't look into it. | ||
| I don't know if that was correct. | ||
| They're going to say that he was treasonous or that he was... | ||
| I don't know what they're going to say. | ||
| I think the first thing was a sex charge. | ||
| That's what they were trying to say, that he had sex with a woman. | ||
| He wore a condom, and then they had sex, and then they had sex in the morning with no condom. | ||
| And she didn't consent to that, that he just kind of did it or something. | ||
| I think they called it surprise sex. | ||
| And if I'm butchering this, I'm sorry. | ||
| But that didn't make sense, that they would be going after him that way. | ||
| It was obviously not about that. | ||
| Yeah, if you want to get somebody, you go after them for whatever. | ||
| But I think they're seeing hacking charges now, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I know he went crazy in the embassy, right? | ||
| He wouldn't clean up after his cat, and he was riding a scooter around. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who knows what's true? | ||
| I know that's part of the problem. | ||
| But that was part of the little story that I caught. | ||
| Yeah, Duncan was poetically describing what the embassy must have smelled like with Julian Assange's dirty cat shit wafting through the halls. | ||
| This crazy asshole you have staying here. | ||
| Who won't leave. | ||
| Pamela Anderson comes over every now and then. | ||
| They get their freak on. | ||
| The surveillance footage of Julian Assange skateboarding in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London has been leaked. | ||
| Kinda. | ||
| Kinda skateboarding. | ||
| Yeah, but here's the thing, man. | ||
| Like, what do you want the guy to do? | ||
| Is there a problem? | ||
| He's there for seven fucking years. | ||
| No, he must have gone crazy. | ||
| I mean, that's like being, you know, under house arrest. | ||
| Dude, I mean, it's amazing that he lasted that long. | ||
| What they did, they waited him out, and then they were never gonna wait him out. | ||
| He was gonna stay in there forever. | ||
| And then they just got sick of him. | ||
| They just got sick of him. | ||
| I think it was also the Ecuadorian president. | ||
| I think he took a photograph in front of some lobsters and shit. | ||
| And it was from a leaked email. | ||
| And that photo got out. | ||
| And it was very embarrassing to him because his country's in a deep financial crisis. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And he's chilling in some four seasons somewhere. | ||
| Eating lobster and steak. | ||
| Eating lobster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, look. | ||
| Isn't it funny that when you see pictures of Trump, he's eating Kentucky Fried Chicken? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And when you see pictures of this dude, he's eating lobster. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Trump brings Kentucky Fried Chicken in his fucking private jet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hilarious. | |
| He really loves that stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves it. | |
| He really does. | ||
| He fucking loves fast food. | ||
| Like, when he got all those athletes when they came to visit him and the government was shut down, and he brought them off fast food, he didn't understand. | ||
| They were like, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck is this shit? | ||
| And then he had another team showed up months later and he broke out the fast food again. | ||
| The government was open. | ||
| Just imagine. | ||
| You're going to see the President of the United States. | ||
| And you're a professional athlete, right? | ||
| Your body literally is a temple. | ||
| They were college athletes. | ||
| Oh, they were college athletes. | ||
| Yeah, but still dialed in. | ||
| Listen, let's be real about that, huh? | ||
| College athletes should get fucking paid. | ||
| That shit is crazy. | ||
| That's the biggest robbery in all of athletics is college sports. | ||
| Yeah, they get a chance to get into the NBA and the NFL. Yeah, they get a chance. | ||
| They do. | ||
| But you're making billions off these kids. | ||
| Fucking billions. | ||
| Don't give them a sweatshirt. | ||
| That's $20. | ||
| Look at all that fucking fast food truck. | ||
| I'm telling you, man, this guy, in terms of material, current, and future, it's almost like we gluttoned out. | ||
| It's almost like Trump was ice cream. | ||
| When he was in office, he was so good for comedy that there were so many Trump jokes that now everyone's like, no more! | ||
| I can't do it! | ||
| I can't fit anymore! | ||
| I need fries! | ||
| I need something else! | ||
| I can't have ice cream! | ||
| Not one more bite! | ||
| Yeah, ice cream's gonna come chucking out of your throat. | ||
| It's really true. | ||
| He's so fucking eccentric. | ||
| Like, good or bad. | ||
| Just look at him as a human. | ||
| It's such a rare human being. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, you see it with the hair and the fucking constant golfing, even though he's shit on fucking Obama golfing, and he's golfed way more than him! | ||
| He doesn't even try to pretend he's not a hypocrite. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| He's just everything. | ||
| He's just the fat American on a jet ski just letting it rip. | ||
| Dude, it's hilarious. | ||
| What's also hilarious is I think this is a real thing. | ||
| Trump derangement syndrome. | ||
| I think it's real. | ||
| You mean people that are obsessed with him? | ||
| They're obsessed with this is the thing that's going to get him. | ||
| He'll be out of office in three weeks. | ||
| Instead of looking at it This is the argument for a guy like Michael Malice. | ||
| He's an objective analyst, stepping back looking at this. | ||
| He doesn't have a vested interest in this guy winning or that guy winning. | ||
| He's just going, hmm, what is this? | ||
| He's sitting back and watching. | ||
| If I'm going to take that position. | ||
| Not emotionally involved. | ||
| Some people get so emotionally involved, they can't sleep, they start crying, they think it's the end of the world. | ||
| The world is exactly the same. | ||
| We just have a different figurehead. | ||
| And I think it'll present challenges that'll make us more understanding of each other. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| That's what I really think. | ||
| I think there's good and bad about every situation. | ||
| But the pro I see is communication. | ||
| If we're just honest with the way we communicate, I think people on the right and people on the left, they share a lot in common. | ||
| There's a lot that they share rather than what they don't share in common. | ||
| The only thing they don't share is what they're watching. | ||
| Well, there's that too. | ||
| But it's also the vibe you get. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, there's the vibe from these, whatever, whether it's CNN, whatever show you're into, MSNBC, Fox News, they all give out a vibe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that vibe is, you know, we are right, here's what's going on, here's why that's a problem. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, and everyone has a different problem, and everyone thinks they're right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you have, so you have different things, some of them have, like, eagles and flags and da-da-da-da-da. | ||
| That's Fox News. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Like, that's my style. | ||
| I'm into that kind of truth. | ||
| Give me that shit. | ||
| Yeah, fucking, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Come over here the right way. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| These guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Let them move into your fucking neighborhood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let them move into your fucking neighborhood, Rachel Maddow. | |
| Trucks and hats and guns and go. | ||
| So that becomes your team. | ||
| That becomes your clan. | ||
| Well, that's what it is. | ||
| It's the team thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Most of it. | ||
| And the unfortunate part is both are saying, are spending so much time, rather than thinking about this is the problem that we have to deal with, they're spending all their time thinking those other people are assholes. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| It's the venomous attacks against fellow Americans because they have a slightly different view about healthcare. | ||
| That part is the derangement of the culture right now. | ||
| They're not enemies. | ||
| They're Americans. | ||
| We're all on Team America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| If we're going to agree to this fucking thing, look at that, bro. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| We're all together. | ||
| Let me show you something, bitch. | ||
| It is a wild country. | ||
| When you travel around... | ||
| Look at my phone. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| The flag blows in the wind, bro. | ||
| It moves. | ||
| I believe in America as a concept. | ||
| I don't think it's a bad thing to believe in America as a concept. | ||
| No, come on. | ||
| I think we're getting better. | ||
| We're working on this. | ||
| I think this idea that... | ||
| People were complaining that someone put the American flag on a cop car in California. | ||
| Did you see that shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like, hey, this is... | ||
| We're in America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What do you mean they put it on a cop car? | ||
| What's wrong with putting an American flag on a cop car? | ||
| Like, just draped it over it? | ||
| No! | ||
| Like, they had, like, the side panel where it says the police department has the American flag incorporated into their logo. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Like, what do you, hate America? | ||
| Yeah, what's wrong with that? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I fucking salute those guys if they drove by. | ||
| Laguna Beach. | ||
| What's the problem? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Who doesn't like the American flag? | ||
| What's wrong with being a patriot? | ||
| It's imperialism, man. | ||
| Ah, jeez. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| It's all the good, too. | ||
| It's all the creativity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All the art. | ||
| All the love. | ||
| All the positive people. | ||
| All the opportunity. | ||
| All the influential people. | ||
| It's amazing we're one country. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Listen to this fucking quote. | ||
| We have such an amazing community of artists here, and I thought the aesthetic didn't really represent our community. | ||
| This person said, it feels very aggressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bitch, you're in the winner's team! | |
| Right. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You're in Laguna Beach. | ||
| Yeah, it's aggressive. | ||
| An artist in Laguna Beach, just loving life. | ||
| Margaritas every day at four. | ||
| It's aggressive. | ||
| That's why you can walk around with flip-flops, you fucking idiot. | ||
| It's aggressive. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not aggressive to you. | ||
| It's not aggressive. | ||
| Police are your friends. | ||
| If something happens to your house, who do you want to come? | ||
| A guy with his watercolor kit or the police? | ||
| Yeah, but they're not even saying that. | ||
| Like, the police car, the colors on the car. | ||
| They're not saying we shouldn't have police. | ||
| They're saying that flag is too aggressive. | ||
| Yeah, but it's the flag and the police. | ||
| Yeah, but why does the flag make it more aggressive that it's so stupid? | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| But it's that thought process. | ||
| There's just something wrong with us. | ||
| Well, there is that knee-jerk reaction from people on the far left that think that everything we do is evil. | ||
| You know, from the beginning of the country to now, we're just corrupt and evil and awful. | ||
| Then why are you still here? | ||
| Why are you going to the arcade? | ||
| I think they would all admit that it has great qualities. | ||
| The problem is when people really focus on only the negative aspects. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The negative aspects of this country are real. | ||
| They're real. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| From top to bottom. | ||
| In every group of human beings, the negative aspects are real, but this group of human beings, in a relatively short period of time, this group of human beings has managed to accomplish insane architecture, music, comedy, writing, and dominate the world. | ||
| I mean, it's a crazy fucking weird place, but dominate the world... | ||
| In a democratic sense? | ||
| Right. | ||
| With a democratic election in their country at least? | ||
| In a mostly peaceful manner? | ||
| The real problem is then you start wondering like what the United States does outside of this country and whether or not they should be doing it, right? | ||
| It's like, are they doing this because they have to do this? | ||
| Because this is the way the rules work in that country? | ||
| I mean, why are they propping up this guy when this guy is clearly a dictator? | ||
| Is it better to have the dictator in charge than to have it become a failed state like Libya? | ||
| All the shit that's way beyond our pay grade. | ||
| Right, right, exactly. | ||
| That's where things get screwy. | ||
| And you say like, yeah, I don't like what America does overseas. | ||
| Okay, I don't exactly know what they do, and I don't think you do either. | ||
| No, exactly. | ||
| I think there's some... | ||
| Until Julius Hodge tells us. | ||
| Yeah, well, clearly some people know, right? | ||
| Some people are super educated and informed. | ||
| I'm not denying that. | ||
| But what I'm saying is that most of the people that have these really aggressive opinions about these things... | ||
| I don't necessarily think they've thought about it too deeply. | ||
| No, but you also know that, you know, look, everybody knows the country does some dirty stuff in places that wasn't cool. | ||
| Well, find the country who doesn't. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| It's like the thing these militaries and these countries have to do in order to keep peace and stay alive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, you want to shine light on that, so maybe it's not done again. | ||
| But it's part of the thing that we were talking about before, about our grandparents not having a lot of the information, and in a way that you're living in the dark, and that's bad, but in a way you're living in the light now, and you see everything. | ||
| The problem with seeing everything, I think it kind of is a problem, is that you realize that no organization, no country, no government, Is flawless. | ||
| No person. | ||
| They're flawed. | ||
| Everything is flawed. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| And now we have this idea that if somebody isn't perfect, they should be just run out of town. | ||
| Cancelled. | ||
| Yeah, cancelled. | ||
| Kicked out of office, whatever. | ||
| We're all flawed. | ||
| Everybody's flawed. | ||
| And this idea, because we can find everything else out, you can expose everyone's flaws. | ||
| Well, we're going to have to come out of this somehow realizing that Flaw doesn't mean that they're evil or they're negative and they have to be kicked out. | ||
| Do you think there's ever going to be a time in humans, like whether it's a hundred years from now or a thousand years from now, where there's no war? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I do. | ||
| How do you see that happening? | ||
| Well, it's going to start with cop cars with flags on them. | ||
| And then they're going to patrol around. | ||
| I think it would be technology. | ||
| And I think it's a matter of everybody becoming more comfortable. | ||
| If you can have people... | ||
| This is like a Thomas Friedman idea that if... | ||
| If you want to stop people fighting in the Middle East, give them all the comforts of a good society. | ||
| Let them be able to go eat McDonald's and sit in a coffee shop, and all of a sudden you don't want to fight as much. | ||
| And that means prosperity, that means popping. | ||
| So I think technology, if you can bring more water to people and there's less suffering, if climate change doesn't ruin all of that, I think if you can prop these people up and give all these people, if they can rise, then there's no sense. | ||
| I mean, we're at a point now where there's fewer wars than ever before. | ||
| On the planet. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So we're headed in that direction, so I don't see why not. | ||
| Well, as a thought exercise, let's look at it this way. | ||
| What makes anybody decide to act as a group? | ||
| What makes anybody? | ||
| Why would we decide to go? | ||
| What negotiations should we be having with someone in Germany? | ||
| Why are we having a conversation about anything? | ||
| You live way the fuck over there on the other side of the ocean. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| What would make people act as a group and go over and try to fuck with somebody else that's in another place? | ||
| Well, people can definitely be rallied for any cause. | ||
| Most certainly. | ||
| But do you think, this is my thought, that there will come a time where that kind of rallying doesn't work? | ||
| That people will stop believing? | ||
| I mean, this is one of those... | ||
| Very bizarre ideas that the systems that we've established for human civilizations, whether it's countries or cities or continents, whatever it is, these systems, once all the boundaries that kept people from freely traveling, once those are dissolved... | ||
| It's all broken down. | ||
| No country anymore. | ||
| The only thing that's keeping it together now is the fact that it's air travel. | ||
| So they know when you're coming in. | ||
| They get to check your papers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Oh, you're flying in from overseas. | ||
| Are you Mr. Papa was only one way motherfucker? | ||
| You got to land right here right in this spot And then we take each individual and we say can I see your paperwork? | ||
| What do you got? | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| Where are you from? | ||
| Where are you born? | ||
| Do you have money or your drug addict you ever been arrested and that and they're allowed they could still do that that way That didn't exist if it was way easier to go to Germany Yeah, there was a technology that would allow you like a person like you or me the same way we could drive places We could just fly into somewhere and land anywhere. | ||
| Yeah You don't have to go to a fucking specific location like an airport or get funneled through a road that takes you to some checkpoint station like when you're trying to drive from Mexico. | ||
| If people could fly. | ||
| If people flew anywhere they wanted to go. | ||
| If that technology existed. | ||
| Good fucking luck keeping people from coming into your city. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| All those rules are out the window. | ||
| All those immigration rules, that doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| It can't exist. | ||
| People can go anywhere they want. | ||
| But what are you saying that gives you? | ||
| Well, it gives you the interaction with human beings in a way that you won't be able to get them as a group as easily to go after another group. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because now there's no country, basically. | ||
| We're not part of this that has to go fight that. | ||
| We're all one now. | ||
| What do you do if one person lives in a great spot and they don't want to give up their oil? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Then it becomes a problem. | ||
| Come on, guys. | ||
| We're all in this together. | ||
| Those people in Alaska, they got all that fucking oil, bro. | ||
| Here's two things, though. | ||
| Here's two things of why it might not work. | ||
| Oh, there's probably 2,000 things. | ||
| Yeah, but only two that I can think of. | ||
| Okay, let me hear it. | ||
| Italians are Italians and Germans are Germans and Mexicans are Mexicans and you get around your people and you feel it and you know it and I know who you are and we're part of that tribe and we're part of that thing and it doesn't matter that we grew up somewhere. | ||
| I just know you as an Italian and I'm an Italian and I am with you and that is very different from that Turkish guy over there. | ||
| That thing, that very human thing, chemistry thing of your own blood, your own thing, I don't think that's going to go away forever. | ||
| Bro, you're old school and you bake bread. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| I think you're talking nonsense. | ||
| You're really into old-timey things. | ||
| You're into old-timey things. | ||
| I do love old-timey things. | ||
| If they could fix your eyes without glasses, you'd be like, nah, I like the glasses. | ||
| They make you feel like I'm thinking. | ||
| I put them on, I'm getting ready to go to work. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| But I think that's a real thing. | ||
| I like my horse. | ||
| Horses are better than cars. | ||
| They're your friend. | ||
| They're your friend. | ||
| You give them hay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not that bad. | |
| And the shit is actually really good for fertilizer. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Well, I'm going to blow your mind with my technology end of this conversation, which I just read an article yesterday, that in China, face recognition is the thing that's going to stop Your fantasy of everybody just loving each other and going around. | ||
| In China, with face recognition, they're able to recognize and categorize Muslims in the country. | ||
| There's like this one sect of Muslim in China. | ||
| And with all this face recognition that they're seeing from your phone, from everything, they're starting to catalog the enemy. | ||
| And they're going to be able to, police are sharing information and hotels and everybody, and they're all now, through this network, know what type of person just walked into this building and whether they're friendly or they're the enemy. | ||
| And that thing, that face recognition thing, could end up splitting us apart even more. | ||
| Old timey Tommy with his technological facts. | ||
| Here, China's Big Brother surveillance technology isn't nearly as all-seeing as the government wants you to think. | ||
| This is kind of like a... | ||
| They might be able to upgrade it, though. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| That's 1.0. | ||
| Do you remember when your phone unlocked with your fingerprint and it blew your motherfucking mind? | ||
| You're like, what, bro? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's true. | |
| It's my finger! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can use my pinky. | |
| It even works for my pinky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I get five fingerprints on this motherfucker. | |
| I get to do the side of my thumb and it still knows. | ||
| It says glasses? | ||
| It's a cop. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| This is a cop. | ||
| It's a cop with Google Glass? | ||
| Yeah, it's got some sort of face recognition thing. | ||
| It's like that Tom Cruise movie. | ||
| What was that Tom Cruise movie? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Minority Report. | ||
| Whoa, was that real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, but this. | ||
| Not Tom Cruise. | ||
| Tom Cruise is definitely real. | ||
| I don't know, but it looks real. | ||
| That's, you know, I tried a Google Glass on once. | ||
| I actually went through a whole UFC weigh-ins wearing a Google Glass. | ||
| How was it? | ||
| I was filming it, I guess. | ||
| It wasn't ready. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It wasn't ready, and I think that's why they haven't upgraded it. | ||
| They're like, let's hold off, because this is not working. | ||
| Yeah, it's been a while. | ||
| They're not into that dorky shit. | ||
| And people got super uncomfortable when you were around them. | ||
| It's like holding a camera on everybody. | ||
| Walking around with a fucking camera everywhere. | ||
| I think they'll have something eventually, but I have a feeling it'll be something where there's a technology where the outside, you can't see things, but on the inside you can. | ||
| And then they'll show you images directly in front of you on the lens. | ||
| So you wear glasses like your glasses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| But it'll show you things right in front of you. | ||
| I got one that I heard. | ||
| I don't know if I understand and believe that this is real, but I just Googled it and I found something that makes it seem like it. | ||
| So the next version of the VR headsets are supposed to have brain tracking in them. | ||
| And that sounds super scary. | ||
| But it's already being implemented and tested. | ||
| Yeah, you get a knock on your door. | ||
| All you think about is beating off. | ||
| What is wrong with you, man? | ||
| Seriously? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| We thought you were a regular person, but you're beating off a hundred times a week. | ||
| Can you imagine if they wanted to have a talk to you? | ||
| Like, Mr. Papa, you watched 14 hours of pornography this week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That seems a lot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think your mother would think that seems like a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't you think? | |
| I mean, I don't want to talk to her, but... | ||
| Well, they say employers are going to do that, insurance companies are going to do that, and they're going to be able to... | ||
| Find out how much you're beating off. | ||
| How much you're beating off, how much you're working out, how much you're sleeping, whether... | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| We promise to share only good stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right. | |
| Sure. | ||
| That's like Google when they said, don't be evil. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They abandoned that. | ||
| Once you started making money, they fucking painted right over that side. | ||
| Eh, maybe a little evil. | ||
| What is evil, man? | ||
| I mean, what is evil? | ||
| Evil shmeevil. | ||
| We're going in that direction. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It's going in that direction. | ||
| It's all going to some sort of a wearable thing that connects you. | ||
| But a weird thing that everywhere you're going, they're picking off your face. | ||
| And then you're going to be able to... | ||
| They're going to know exactly what you are and who you are. | ||
| It's a strange... | ||
| It's strange, but is it any more strange than our lives today in comparison to people that lived in 1920, like we were talking about earlier? | ||
| This is way weirder. | ||
| The way we live is way weirder. | ||
| We're in weird town already, for sure. | ||
| You just hope it doesn't get into the hands of people that can really mess with you. | ||
| Oh yeah, the people with the money? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The people with the money and all the control? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're going to be cool with it, right? | ||
| Yeah, they'll be great. | ||
| They'll be alright. | ||
| Yeah, they'll be fine. | ||
| Everything's going to be fine. | ||
| Do you have Alexa in your house? | ||
| Alexa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My kids do. | ||
| My one friend is always trying to tell me, just get that out of your house. | ||
| It's listening to everything that you say and everything that you do. | ||
| Don't say anything bad in that room. | ||
| I had a question about the Neuralink might be coming on soon or whatever. | ||
| I was thinking about if it got to the point where, say we all got it, and then everyone you knew had it, and there's like a thousand people that have it, wouldn't it hit a threshold point where you're like, not everybody should have this. | ||
| We're good at this point right here. | ||
| Well, how would you ever deny people something like that, though? | ||
| The cost? | ||
| It might be really expensive to have. | ||
| No, but I mean, how would you ever? | ||
| I know. | ||
| You can't deny people that, like, say, if someone's coming up and they want to try it and everyone else has it. | ||
| That would create a giant problem. | ||
| That'd be like if you said that with cell phones. | ||
| Too many people have cell phones. | ||
| We have to stop. | ||
| You're no more buying cell phones. | ||
| I know that's why I sort of think that there might become a big problem with that. | ||
| Why? | ||
| What is Neuralink? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But hold on a second. | ||
| I don't understand why you think... | ||
| I just sort of think that if, in the theory that you're going to let thousands of people have instant access to the world's knowledge at their fingertips, at a thought's instant, that becomes too powerful in the wrong hands. | ||
| And the people that might have it first might see the future problems of that. | ||
| I'm just sort of wondering. | ||
| I was thinking way too far. | ||
| Jamie got high and watched Superman. | ||
| That sounds like you got high and watched Superman. | ||
| So I guess the answer you say is like, no, that probably won't be a problem? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| You can't stop it, though. | ||
| That's what I'm wondering. | ||
| I don't think that anyone can say that it's not going to be a problem. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, what is a problem, though? | ||
| It's going to be something. | ||
| It's going to be a something. | ||
| Yeah, it's going to change. | ||
| If everyone has access to all the world's information instantaneously. | ||
| First of all, colleges are going under, son. | ||
| That was my first time. | ||
| At first I was like, they're going to fight that. | ||
| They're going to fight that all day. | ||
| I don't think they can. | ||
| They're not going to be able to. | ||
| The amount of money that you would make off of something that made everybody super smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no way. | ||
| Imagine if you found out. | ||
| How ironic would it be if you found out that Stanford and Harvard had banded together to try to stop this from coming out because it would kill their business? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was like, you know, just like how there's some college admissions scandals going down. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| If there was a scandal that all these higher universities had banded together to try to stop this because it was going to kill their business. | ||
| Like, everybody can know everything we tell them more than everything we tell them. | ||
| I'm going on some college tours already. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It really makes you think. | ||
| I'm like, do they really need this? | ||
| This is expensive. | ||
| Oh yeah, man. | ||
| Do they really need a degree in all of this? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a weird business, man. | ||
| It's a total weird business. | ||
| I don't know why it costs so much. | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because the administrators are all making bank money. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's all the money that goes... | ||
| You're going through that right now, so tell me what's going on. | ||
| So all these kids' generations are in debt because they have to take these student loans because college is more expensive than ever before. | ||
| It hasn't changed running the university, the teachers. | ||
| It's the administration of these giant universities are making so much money They're making millions and they keep cranking it out and they keep needing to up the rate and then they make money accessible for the students through loans and then they keep feeding themselves. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| It's a horrible corrupt system. | ||
| And it's also subsidized, right? | ||
| Well, the government will subsidize some money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How much does the government subsidize private education? | ||
| Private education? | ||
| I don't think any. | ||
| Just public? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get fast full on, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so expensive. | ||
| I mean, you know... | ||
| Isn't that weird, too? | ||
| There's, like, state schools, private schools. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, they all cost money. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Everything costs money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, what is it like... | ||
| How much does it cost to get to, like, USC? How much is, like, a semester at USC? 70,000? | ||
| No, not a semester. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| A year? | ||
| A year? | ||
| Is it 70,000? | ||
| Probably 70. 50 for the year. | ||
| Yeah, that's the online Google search thing. | ||
| That's 50 plus your room and board plus all the rest of it. | ||
| And if your kid fucks off... | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Which, of course, they're going to do. | ||
| And by the way, to have 50 grand, you need to make like 80, right? | ||
| With taxes and everything? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So you got to make 80 grand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For a whole year of your kid being in school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And if your kid's just doing bong hits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| Playing ping pong and shit. | ||
| My father dropped me off at school when I was a sophomore. | ||
| He just drove me into college and dropped off my stuff. | ||
| I was so psyched to go see my friends. | ||
| Work hard. | ||
| Be responsible. | ||
| Okay, Dad. | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| I go running into my dorm room. | ||
| My buddies are there. | ||
| I haven't seen them all break. | ||
| Tom! | ||
| They hand me a bong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| I light up. | ||
| As soon as I walk in, my bags haven't even dropped. | ||
| I light it with my lighter and this huge flame comes out. | ||
| Almost like lights my face on fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | |
| Hey! | ||
| Papa, your dad's outside. | ||
| He's in the van. | ||
| I forgot something. | ||
| I forgot a lamp in the van. | ||
| He's like, I go running out there. | ||
| I'm like, hey, what's up? | ||
| You know, hoping I don't smell. | ||
| He goes, hey, you forgot your... | ||
| What happened to your eyebrow? | ||
| Your eyebrow's burnt off. | ||
| What did you do in the two minutes? | ||
| I just took the lamp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks, Dad. | |
| See you later. | ||
| And he's writing checks. | ||
| He's writing checks for me to go do that, you know? | ||
| Yeah, it's brutal. | ||
| It's actually more. | ||
| That was just tuition I saw. | ||
| Yeah, see? | ||
| $75,000. | ||
| $75,000. | ||
| USC, one year. | ||
| Room and boards, $15,300. | ||
| That's got to be low, because that's just about over $1,000 a month. | ||
| It's got to be... | ||
| Yeah, it should be higher than that. | ||
| And that's without, like, if your kid, if you live on the East Coast and you're flying your kid back and forth and all the rest of it. | ||
| But look at personal. | ||
| It's so expensive. | ||
| Personal and miscellaneous. | ||
| $1,400 for the year? | ||
| $1,400 a month? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get out of here. | |
| Yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| That's $25 a week. | ||
| The books are going to be way more than $100 a month, too. | ||
| The books are going to be $1,200 a semester, probably. | ||
| You should go to state school. | ||
| You pay a quarter of that. | ||
| Stay in. | ||
| Get your undergrad. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| You could have a nonsense education like me, where you just read things that you're interested in, and then you never get a real base education. | ||
| I don't have a degree in anything. | ||
| You didn't go to college? | ||
| I went to college, but I fucked off. | ||
| I barely paid attention. | ||
| I went to UMass Boston. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I didn't even take my SATs. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| No. | ||
| They had a continuing education program. | ||
| You could just sign up and start taking classes there. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Did you go the whole way? | ||
| No. | ||
| I went for three years. | ||
| I was barely paying attention. | ||
| Three years? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess I realized I was doing it a little bit while I was still doing stand-up, like while I started doing stand-up. | ||
| It was literally only so that people didn't think I was a loser. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I just wanted to let people know I'm doing something. | ||
| I didn't pay attention at all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| All I was thinking about was martial arts competition and then it was stand-up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| The transition right there. | ||
| Yeah, once that happens, forget it. | ||
| Once I realized that people made money doing stand-up, that's when I quit. | ||
| It depends on what you want to go do. | ||
| You want to go in law or you want to do certain medicine. | ||
| There's certain routes where you need a degree, where you really need a degree. | ||
| And there's definitely something good to going to school and being around other people from around the country and all kind of thinking. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It's all positive. | ||
| But you should not go into debt. | ||
| I have all these nephews that they got out of school $30,000 in debt. | ||
| This is the start of your life as an adult. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| $30,000 in debt. | ||
| They can't keep up with the payments. | ||
| So then the interest kicks in. | ||
| And after four years, now they owe $50,000. | ||
| And they're constantly chasing it. | ||
| And now they ask their parents to help them out. | ||
| And they co-sign. | ||
| Now you have two generations. | ||
| And they probably owe taxes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're now on their second job where no one cares anymore where you went to school. | ||
| They never even ask the question. | ||
| They don't? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not in... | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| In certain places, yeah. | ||
| In certain routes. | ||
| It really depends on what you're trying to do. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you're going to be a doctor, I think they care. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think they care. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Well, maybe. | ||
| Depends what kind of doctor. | ||
| There's a lot of doctors. | ||
| Are you going to be a history professor? | ||
| You're applying for a job as a history professor? | ||
| Go into television production, whatever. | ||
| No one gives a shit. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| If you're going to do Hollywood-type jobs, yeah, nobody gives a fuck. | ||
| No. | ||
| Go work in construction. | ||
| You could do... | ||
| What? | ||
| My whole thing is, and I keep trying to say this to my daughter, is that you should never, don't jeopardize your future for this degree. | ||
| You can get degrees, they'll be important, they'll help you, but you should not strap yourself with debt. | ||
| That's wise advice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Very wise advice. | ||
| And she's like, how about you work harder and just pay for it and I won't have to be in debt. | ||
| That's a good thing for her to say. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Clever. | |
| Very smart. | ||
| She set you up. | ||
| And my other daughter, I'm just going to give her headshots. | ||
| $300 headshots right in the business. | ||
| The business. | ||
| Done. | ||
| That old show business. | ||
| Yeah, hey, everybody's crazy. | ||
| But I thought show business people were crazy. | ||
| Everyone's crazy. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| I'm crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think insurance salesmen people aren't fucking crazy? | ||
| They're just better at hiding it all day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| They hide it. | ||
| They hide it all fucking day. | ||
| If you were really smart, you'd just go into plumbing. | ||
| Listen, we always need plumbing. | ||
| There's not a lot of plumbers out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| We always need plumbing. | ||
| Yeah, and you make a really good living at it, and there's not a lot of people that are learning these skills anymore. | ||
| That's what you should go do. | ||
| Or, do something you really want to do. | ||
| Find something you really want to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe you don't want to be a plumber. | ||
| Should it be a requirement that they know what they want to do before they go into college? | ||
| No. | ||
| But see, what college should be is education. | ||
| What it really seems to be more is like prepping you for the job force. | ||
| You know, I mean, there's education as well, but it's prepping you for the job force. | ||
| And nowadays, at least in a certain segment of the population, you're getting these colleges that are also like socially indoctrinating kids on socialist ideas and a lot of ideas that... | ||
| You know, just contrary to what probably their parents taught them. | ||
| And so then there's this internal dispute and who's right and who's wrong and do I rebel against my parents and go full social justice warrior? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Join the young Republicans on campus. | ||
| And, you know, kids are just trying to find who they are. | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely, when you walk onto these campuses, even just to tour them, which I never did when I was, I just, you know, picked one out and went. | ||
| But you go in, the personality of each university is so dominant. | ||
| As soon as you walk onto the campus and went to some small, really left liberal arts schools, and you just feel like the posters and everything, you're just like... | ||
| As a white male, you're not welcome here at all. | ||
| And then you go to some other places and it's just kind of free-flowing and everybody's just... | ||
| They're just all about the football team. | ||
| Have you ever seen a poster that says, as a white male, you're not welcome here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where? | |
| in my daughter's room that's hilarious No, but you know, it's like very progressive and everything is an issue and that's where you develop those ideas. | ||
| But what I'm saying is you can really learn from going on these campuses like, oh, this is... | ||
| There's a vibe. | ||
| You get indoctrinated into whatever vibe the campus holds and you get social points for following those ideas as hardcore as you can. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| If you take yourself out of whichever way you lean, if you lean left, you can say, well, it's because they're young and they're passionate and they're right. | ||
| If you lean right, you're like, oh, they're babies and they're being taught by people who never made it in the real world. | ||
| They only exist in academia and they're... | ||
| But instead of looking at it like that, look at it... | ||
| Where you don't have a fucking dog in the fight and just step back and go, this is fascinating. | ||
| It's like people are just trying to change and influence people's thinking and behavior. | ||
| And some of it is to justify their own thinking and behavior. | ||
| Some of it is because some people just like controlling people. | ||
| They like getting people to listen to them. | ||
| And some of it is because they genuinely think that this is for the best for the human race. | ||
| And so all these things are competing together. | ||
| That's why you have some people that are activists and you meet them. | ||
| They're not annoying at all. | ||
| You're like, god damn, you're Because they're doing it with the right heart. | ||
| But then you have activists that are so annoying. | ||
| Why are they so annoying? | ||
| Because they're not doing it for the right reasons. | ||
| They're doing it to try to change people. | ||
| Because they want to poke you. | ||
| They want to have a reason to be upset at you because you're not listening to them. | ||
| You're not following their ideas. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Them and their. | ||
| Those are the key words. | ||
| It's about them and their status and their power over you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| There's a couple people... | ||
| You know, there's a couple people I know that have gone that way so hard that you can't even have conversations with them on both sides. | ||
| It doesn't help. | ||
| All it does is create more conflict. | ||
| That kind of combative attitude creates more conflict. | ||
| You could be right on every single issue, but if you're super combative all the time, people just don't want to communicate with you and they're not willing to It's brutal. | ||
| It's like this... | ||
| It's a horrible way to live. | ||
| And they're angry. | ||
| They're just angry. | ||
| They just walk around with this anger. | ||
| It's like, get an ice cream cone. | ||
| Enjoy your life a little bit. | ||
| Like, what are you doing? | ||
| They're hardcore Dodgers fans. | ||
| That's what they are. | ||
| They're just hardcore sports fans for the Democrats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like, our fucking team's gonna kick their fucking ass in 2020. Trump's going down. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| It's really that. | ||
| Yeah, it really is that. | ||
| Hey, did you see Tiger yesterday? | ||
| Dude, I was watching it while we were in Georgia. | ||
| We were in Georgia for the UFC, and I had a comedy show out there, and me and Santino were watching it on the screen. | ||
| On Saturday or yesterday? | ||
| We watched it Friday, or was it Friday or Saturday? | ||
| Saturday. | ||
| Friday, Saturday, and then he won yesterday. | ||
| Well, whatever days it was. | ||
| I think we watched it two days in a row. | ||
| I think it was in the gym every day we were there. | ||
| But then I got home and I saw it on my phone. | ||
| I was like, holy shit. | ||
| I don't even give a fuck about golf. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It was powerful. | ||
| Guy made a comeback. | ||
| A huge comeback. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I mean, that's crazy. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| 11 years later. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| So great. | ||
| Somebody put on Instagram one of my quotes. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Attached to that. | ||
| It was pretty cool. | ||
| I love a guy. | ||
| I love... | ||
| What did I say? | ||
| I love a success story, but even more than that, I love a guy fucks his life up and then gets it back together again story. | ||
| It's the greatest. | ||
| It's the greatest. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the best. | |
| When you realize how much good you must feel to that guy to be on top of the world again. | ||
| And then he was so messed up and the back problems and the troubles and the kids and the wife and the thing and just 11 years and he didn't stop working. | ||
| He just went to work and went to work and went to work. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| 11 years later, And so he won one major championship recently, right? | ||
| Didn't he win one? | ||
| It was a big deal. | ||
| He won a major championship within the last couple months? | ||
| It wasn't a major. | ||
| This was the first major he's won in 11 years. | ||
| Okay, so the other one wasn't a major, but it was a big event, right? | ||
| Yeah, it was a big tournament. | ||
| He wins that one. | ||
| Everybody's like, wow! | ||
| He might be back. | ||
| He could fucking win big tournaments again. | ||
| And then he just, oh, it was so cool to see the crowd just kept building over the weekend. | ||
| And by yesterday, it was massive. | ||
| Thousands of people around the green just hanging on him. | ||
| Oh, the relief that you saw just coming out of him was so great. | ||
| And then at the end, he walks off where as a kid... | ||
| He was only like 21 when he won the first time, hugging his dad at the edge. | ||
| And now he comes off 11 years later all this time, and his dad's passed, and he's hugging his child, his son. | ||
| Now he's the father in the same spot. | ||
| I was trying not to cry the whole time. | ||
| Oh, it was such a tearjerker. | ||
| What relief. | ||
| People were just so happy for him. | ||
| Such a great story. | ||
| We do love a comeback. | ||
| Why not, man? | ||
| You love a comeback. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| We're all flawed, like you were saying before. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| But being able to improve, that's what that guy did. | ||
| He bit down and improved. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Improved his life. | ||
| Yeah, and never stopped. | ||
| Yeah, went south, and he picked it right back up and brought it north again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 11 years of doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And failing, and failing, and failing. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that beautiful? | ||
| It is beautiful. | ||
| Such a cool thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was wondering, like, he wears that red shirt. | ||
| He's got to wear the red on Sunday. | ||
| It's like his... | ||
| That's his thing? | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was in Light Colors on Saturday, and I was like, does he just, like, free himself from that? | ||
| Or is that a superstition that you've got to kind of hang on to? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Yeah, you know? | ||
| What do you think would happen if there was an openly gay black guy with blonde hair who only wore pink who was, like, the best golfer of life? | ||
| And started dominating. | ||
| It'd be great. | ||
| Some dude who's like super duper gay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's just got this fucking crazy drive. | ||
| And he gets down on the ground. | ||
| He can see the way the earth is rolling. | ||
| And the whole time he's doing it, he's like lisping and snapping his fingers and wiggling his butt. | ||
| You know I put pretty. | ||
| What would happen if he started just winning? | ||
| They would probably poison him. | ||
| You think they would poison him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| It was like a super flamboyant gay guy who was winning, I don't care, black or white. | ||
| They would poison him. | ||
| Do you don't think so? | ||
| I don't think so because golfers are so close to flamboyantly queenie gay anyway. | ||
| Look at their outfits. | ||
| They're all pink and like big plaid pants. | ||
| They're like a bunch of old white dudes, straight white dudes who want to be gay. | ||
| But it's all this country club life, right? | ||
| Isn't it a big part of it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're going to have that guy swishing around back and forth. | ||
| In the locker room. | ||
| Snapping his fingers. | ||
| Staring at dicks. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| They're going to... | ||
| He's sputting. | ||
| He's got a catchphrase. | ||
| All his hair is shaved except for a curly man bun that just pops straight up and it's blonde. | ||
| And he wears lipstick. | ||
| And he's a motherfucker at golf. | ||
| He's just killing fools. | ||
| I just love my irons. | ||
| Maybe he would open golf up to everybody else. | ||
| You think that would happen? | ||
| Do you think that Tiger Woods, he opened up golf for people of color, right? | ||
| Clearly they got into it because of him. | ||
| How many people got into golf that would have never even thought about playing golf? | ||
| Tiger could play? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Started opening up to inner city. | ||
| Schools were starting to get involved in it. | ||
| What about the gay community? | ||
| Are they represented in professional golf? | ||
| I think they are. | ||
| Flamboyant, dressed like the Bee Gees in the 70s. | ||
| They're close, Joe. | ||
| They're wearing plaid pants. | ||
| They're wearing tassels. | ||
| You have xenophobia. | ||
| That's how people from Scotland dress, you son of a bitch. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| I'm just saying they would be embraced. | ||
| You know, Scotland's a weird place. | ||
| Like, you have to dress a certain way when you hunt there, or at least they have a certain way they dress, like a traditional way. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| But it's not like, they don't wear camo. | ||
| It's like an outfit. | ||
| Yeah, it's like an outfit. | ||
| Like, what do they wear? | ||
| They wear like clothes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weird. | |
| Old-timey clothes. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| I like tradition. | ||
| I know you did. | ||
| That's why I brought it up. | ||
| Bourdain went hunting in Scotland for his television show. | ||
| He had to wear some crazy-ass outfit. | ||
| You get suited for this outfit, this traditional hunting outfit. | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of those... | ||
| I think a lot of those places like Scotland too, I think most of it was like private land. | ||
| I think back in the day, like that was what Robin Hood was all about, right? | ||
| Robin Hood was originally supposed to be about someone who was poaching and hunting on the king's land because they were hungry. | ||
| So they were stealing from the rich to feed the poor. | ||
| Gentlemanly pursuit, hunting and shooting attire. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look how they dress. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Does that help you? | ||
| Helps me. | ||
| Be a good hunter? | ||
| Because I get to goof on them. | ||
| Or does it, like, does that get in the way of hunting, or does that help hunting? | ||
| That's not helping shit. | ||
| A tie and a vest. | ||
| His boots are kind of fresh, though. | ||
| Go back to his boots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| That guy looks good. | ||
| Let me see his boots. | ||
| Can you make them boots larger? | ||
| Look at those fresh boots. | ||
| Yeah, come on. | ||
| I'm going to start wearing those on stage. | ||
| Would I get in trouble for cultural appropriation wearing someone's stuff if they're white, too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| How does that work? | ||
| No. | ||
| If they're more powerful than you, then you're okay. | ||
| Like, how does that work? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| You can't take from... | ||
| What percentage of Native American do you have to have in you to wear moccasins? | ||
| Ooh, a lot. | ||
| The tassel jacket? | ||
| How about the suede tassel jacket? | ||
| The Roger Daltrey? | ||
| Yes, like the rebels in the 70s war. | ||
| I wanted one of those so bad when I was in high school. | ||
| They look so cool. | ||
| The Easy Rider with the fringe on it. | ||
| It's all moving when you're driving. | ||
| Man, I wanted that. | ||
| Put your arm out the window with a car and it's flopping around. | ||
| You're on stage singing. | ||
| The ladies must love you. | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| Oh, glorious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Little strips of leather. | ||
| See, but that goes too far. | ||
| What? | ||
| Because they have the Native American thing on the sleeve. | ||
| Let me see. | ||
| This one right here? | ||
| No, not... | ||
| That other one. | ||
| Well, that one's too far. | ||
| Yeah, it's too far. | ||
| Go to that one. | ||
| If you do that one, you better kill the bear that you use for those fucking teeth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's too... | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| No, there's a white guy version of that which would be okay. | ||
| That's a girl who claims to be a healer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's who would wear that. | ||
| See, if you wear that in Texas, you're okay. | ||
| Oh, my accent. | ||
| Yeah, okay, Daniel Boone. | ||
| Fuck out of here with that one. | ||
| That one's dark. | ||
| I wanted one of those jackets. | ||
| I don't like you wearing a dark one. | ||
| No? | ||
| What are you, Prince? | ||
| You like that guy? | ||
| What are you, a trapper? | ||
| That's too light. | ||
| That looks terrible. | ||
| That guy looks terrible. | ||
| He's got the fringe in the bottom. | ||
| That's what's going to separate us from everybody else. | ||
| The curtains on the bottom. | ||
| A fringe. | ||
| Like a nice curtain in a fine restaurant. | ||
| Look at Elvis. | ||
| Elvis had tassels. | ||
| Elvis had rainbow tassels. | ||
| You could get away with it if you're Elvis. | ||
| If you're working for Enterprise Rent-A-Car... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think maybe you don't wear that. | |
| Yeah, Elvis got away with some wild shit. | ||
| Who the fuck wore jumpsuits before Elvis? | ||
| Jumpsuits. | ||
| It was him and Evel Knievel. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, man. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Hendrix. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's, yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| See, but he's doing something. | ||
| He's playing a guitar. | ||
| He's moving around. | ||
| He's got a headband. | ||
| If you're making snow cones, that's not your jacket. | ||
| Man, I wanted one when I was in high school. | ||
| I wore moccasins for a little bit. | ||
| Put that picture back up. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That look. | ||
| How good does it look? | ||
| And I can never wear it. | ||
| He's got fringe on a greenish yellow. | ||
| How would you describe that color? | ||
| It's like a teal. | ||
| Like a light teal. | ||
| Light teal. | ||
| He's got bell bottoms. | ||
| Bell bottom jeans. | ||
| Acid washed bell bottoms. | ||
| And he's got this cool jacket with fringes that are literally two feet long. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then a headband. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| And it's just his... | ||
| It's kind of fuchsia, the headband, right? | ||
| It's kind of reddish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a light red frog. | ||
| And it's on Jimi Hendrix. | ||
| That's the thing that we can't match. | ||
| We could buy all those items, but it's still our head. | ||
| It's not Jimi Hendrix's head. | ||
| Well, not only that, it's 2019, too. | ||
| Back then, he was in the groove. | ||
| Phil Hartman saw him live when he was a young kid. | ||
| Phil was like 18 years old. | ||
| He got a job at the Whiskey. | ||
| And his job was, you know how they have those giant monitors on the stage? | ||
| And sometimes those things would fall. | ||
| Like, into the crowd. | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| Especially if someone's standing on that or doing a show. | ||
| So, like, they're kind of, they're a little wobbly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So, they're standing right there. | ||
| So, his job was to stand right by the stage, like, literally have his hands, like, ready to catch these speakers. | ||
| This was Phil's job? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And Hendrix is right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew! | |
| Hendrick is right there, and he's 18. Oh, man. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Right in front of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| Right in front of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't fight, but I don't know why. | |
| Excuse me while I kiss the sky. | ||
| I was that close to Blues Traveler once. | ||
| I don't think that's the same. | ||
| All his harmonicas were right in his vest. | ||
| This was shortly before Jimi Hendrix died. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he died when he was... | ||
| He died in like... | ||
| He was the magic age, right? | ||
| 35, was it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's 27. I think the magic age is 27, where they're all dying. | |
| Or Morrison and Janis Choplin. | ||
| Isn't that the magic age? | ||
| Didn't he... | ||
| Where did he die? | ||
| 27. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What year did he die? | ||
| Was it 69? | ||
| 70. 70? | ||
| 1970. So Phil, you know... | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, Phil was probably like 17 years old or something like that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, fuck, man. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did he have one of those fringe jackets? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I didn't ask that. | ||
| But the way he described it, man, the way he described it was like running into Jesus while you're out on a hike. | ||
| Oh, he had to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real. | |
| It was great. | ||
| Well, Phil was a musician, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So when he'd talk about it, We had like this crazy gleam to his eye. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| And I was like, he was right fucking there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was Yeah, come on. | |
| Hendrix, please. | ||
| I wanted one of those fringe jackets when I was in high school. | ||
| So I played football until I was a senior. | ||
| And then once football season's over, I have a half a year left of school. | ||
| And that's when I smoked weed for the first time and started playing guitar. | ||
| And I wanted one of the fringe jackets. | ||
| I didn't have one, but I did get a pair of moccasins for a little while. | ||
| I wore moccasins. | ||
| Did they have beads? | ||
| They did not have beads, but they had the little fringe to them. | ||
| Little tassels? | ||
| They were like, it was just... | ||
| Little fringe. | ||
| Yeah, no sole. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the purpose of fringe? | ||
| Like, that's like when you think of a trapper jacket, right? | ||
| One of them David Boone, Davy Crockett type dudes. | ||
| Style. | ||
| Think of them wearing that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what it all was? | |
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why would they have any style back then? | ||
| Everybody's got style. | ||
| Back then, it seems like they were just trying to stay alive. | ||
| Yeah, the weak ones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| But the cool ones are still trying to get laid. | ||
| You think Daniel Boone wasn't trying to work it a little bit? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Buckskins are often trimmed with a fringe, originally a functional detail to allow the garment to shed rain and to dry faster when wet because the fringe asks a series of wicks to disperse the water or quills. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Buckskins derived from deerskin clothing worn by Native Americans. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That's genius. | ||
| Smarter than you know. | ||
| Wow, so it hangs down and the water goes through all the tissue in the deer and gets to the bottom so those little things get wet but the thing that you're wearing that touches your skin is dry. | ||
| You would think by now that deer would have had fringe on their outfits. | ||
| I think they don't give a fuck. | ||
| Deer are really hot. | ||
| Are they? | ||
| Their body temperature is much higher than ours. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's one of the weirder things about when you put your hands on one. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Inside of them, they're really hot. | ||
| So if we're like 98 degrees, what are they? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If I had to guess, I'd say it's more than 100. Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I bet they're probably like 105, something like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| What's the body temperature? | ||
| It brought up the cooking temperature when I hit internal temperature. | ||
| I was like, Jesus Christ, it's hot! | ||
| It's 350 degrees! | ||
| They're cooking before we even catch them. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's why people love deer. | ||
| We don't have to cook them. | ||
| They're pre-cooked. | ||
| They're preheated. | ||
| It's the same as most undulates, which is 37.5 to 38.5 degrees Celsius, which... | ||
| Which we don't understand. | ||
| Well, just type in that. | ||
| Pre-heated deer meat. | ||
| 38.5 degrees Celsius? | ||
| What do you think that is? | ||
| If you had to guess. | ||
| I don't have a clue. | ||
| What was the number? | ||
| 38 degrees Celsius. | ||
| Oh, that's 105. Is it? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's like 90. 99.5 to 100. So it's right in the same range. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| They're like us. | ||
| They're like someone with a little bit of fever. | ||
| Oh, I did something that you would enjoy. | ||
| You might have even done this. | ||
| Speaking of body heat, I was in San Francisco last weekend. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Performing. | ||
| And I was working with my friend Kira Soltanovich. | ||
| Very funny comedian. | ||
| She kicks ass. | ||
| She's Russian. | ||
| She grew up up there. | ||
| And she brought me to a Russian bathhouse. | ||
| Oh, they beat you up with sticks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Did you ever do that? | ||
| No. | ||
| They call it banya. | ||
| Banya. | ||
| Man, oh man. | ||
| You go into a sauna. | ||
| A two-level sauna. | ||
| So it's even hotter up at the top, like an attic in a sauna. | ||
| Super hot. | ||
| And you lay down on this bench and they take these bushes, these sticks, and they wet them and then they start beating you with them. | ||
| Not a lot of pressure. | ||
| It's so hot. | ||
| You're in a sauna. | ||
| You're already like really, really... | ||
| And then that thing... | ||
| And that thing is hot, too. | ||
| And that thing's hot. | ||
| And with the steam coming off of the branches as they're beating your back, it creates a little pocket that gets even hotter. | ||
| So it just brings your body to this super high temperature. | ||
| They're making weather. | ||
| They're making weather. | ||
| They really are. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And... | ||
| Yeah, for about 15 minutes. | ||
| And you come out of there and just feel... | ||
| Do you jump in the cold afterwards? | ||
| Yeah, into a cold plunge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All the way under this really cold water. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Yeah, the Russians really liked that. | ||
| Fedor Emelianenko was like one of the greatest heavyweights, if not the greatest heavyweight of all time. | ||
| One of the things that you would see about his training. | ||
| It was very old school Russian. | ||
| They did a lot of stuff in a playground. | ||
| They did a lot of stuff in a playground and he incorporated the banya that was a part of it. | ||
| You see him lying there and beating him with sticks. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| You see it on Showtime. | ||
| Yeah, that's what... | ||
| They figured something out. | ||
| It's pretty great. | ||
| All the people that invented sauna, they figured something out. | ||
| There's something about that extreme temperature. | ||
| It's very good for your ability to recuperate. | ||
| You feel better. | ||
| It reduces inflammation. | ||
| I felt great. | ||
| I went in there. | ||
| I've been traveling so hard over the last couple of months. | ||
| I've just been knotted up. | ||
| I was like, maybe I'll do this and then get a massage after. | ||
| Like a gentleman. | ||
| Like a gentleman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we didn't have time. | ||
| She had to go. | ||
| She was driving me. | ||
| She had to go do something. | ||
| So we only had time for that part. | ||
| When I came out of the banya, I didn't need a massage. | ||
| Everything was relaxed. | ||
| Everything had changed in just like 15 minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Man, I wish it was... | ||
| I don't know if they have them in L.A. or not, but I'd like to seek them out. | ||
| I know they have them in New York. | ||
| There's one in West Hollywood. | ||
| There is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A photo spa or something like that, yeah. | ||
| There you go, bro. | ||
| A lot of dongs. | ||
| Keep your pants on. | ||
| A lot of dongs. | ||
| Clothing was optional. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey. | |
| Clothing optional. | ||
| And I'm with Kira, you know, we're like, you know, we're coworkers. | ||
| And she's wearing nothing. | ||
| She's totally naked. | ||
| And then there's dongs everywhere? | ||
| There's dongs everywhere. | ||
| She sees the dongs? | ||
| She sees the dongs. | ||
| I see the dongs. | ||
| But we were the only ones covered up. | ||
| Girls can go and dongs stare in America? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| In America? | ||
| Can you do this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| San Francisco. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Girls can just walk in a room with dongs. | ||
| They were naked? | ||
| The girls were naked? | ||
| Kira and I were the only ones with clothes on because we worked with each other. | ||
| Send in immigration. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ice? | |
| Send ice into that place. | ||
| A dong alert. | ||
| Yeah, there's something going on there, bro. | ||
| There's just dicks everywhere. | ||
| Open that door. | ||
| You cool with dicks in front of you? | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| What are they doing here? | ||
| I was looking away. | ||
| Cops just come in with fucking masks on. | ||
| On a dong alert? | ||
| Yeah, they throw one of those gas canisters that flashbangs. | ||
| Just grabbing guys by their dongs and pulling them out into the paddy wagon. | ||
| They would all run out grabbing their dongs. | ||
| That's the first thing you're going to grab. | ||
| If someone throws a tear gas canister and explodes in a room... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cover your raw dick first. | |
| I'm wearing pants! | ||
| So I was the only one with pants on, and you can kind of feel like everyone was looking at you like... | ||
| Pussy. | ||
| You're making us feel, like, shamed because you're wearing pants. | ||
| But I couldn't. | ||
| I'm with my opening act. | ||
| Yeah, that's a gay... | ||
| That's a tactic. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| That's a tactic, yeah. | ||
| What kind of... | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| It's a tactic! | ||
| They're trying to be like, come on, man, show us your dick. | ||
| This is how you show everyone your dick. | ||
| You get together with five of your buddies, and you all are real comfortable with seeing each other's dicks. | ||
| We're going to get to see Mikey's dick. | ||
| How are you going to do that? | ||
| We're going to shame him. | ||
| We're going to shame him into showing us his dick. | ||
| And we're going to take our dicks out. | ||
| We're going to walk into that steam room. | ||
| I'm just going to let your nuts hang. | ||
| Why does everyone want to see... | ||
| Hey, Mike, what the fuck are you doing with your... | ||
| Take your goddamn pants off. | ||
| And he'll be like, alright, alright, Jesus. | ||
| Why does everyone want to see Mikey so bad? | ||
| Because Mikey probably has a little dick, which is why he keeps his pants on. | ||
| That's nothing you can do about that. | ||
| That's what I felt like. | ||
| I felt like everybody thinks I have a small one because I got my pants up, but that's not it. | ||
| Just get a different hobby. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| But the other thing is when you're around people like that, right? | ||
| And it's not a bad thing. | ||
| It's a life choice. | ||
| But if you're around flossy people, if you're a person who likes... | ||
| Rolls Royces and giant mansions and, you know, you like that baller, I've got a big fat diamond ring lifestyle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That guy's around those people because he's selling diamond rings. | ||
| He's selling diamonds! | ||
| Right. | ||
| Diamonds, motherfucker! | ||
| He's got billions from selling diamonds. | ||
| How many carrots you want? | ||
| $48 million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Look at that. | ||
| Blue. | ||
| A blue diamond. | ||
| $48 million. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I've seen that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
$48 million. | |
| $48 million. | ||
| A father bought it for his daughter. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's a magic rock. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Imagine if you're the daughter and you lose that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You're out drinking. | ||
| You know, you fucking pull your panties down to pee in a curb because you're so hammered. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god! | |
| I'm so fucking hammered. | ||
| I lost my ring! | ||
| My dad's gonna kill me! | ||
| It just slips right off while you're throwing up in a dumpster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My dad's gonna kill me! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe the daughter was 40. It makes you realize that the things that really give you worth in life is not the dough. | ||
| It's something that's going to engage your head and make you feel a little useful. | ||
| You're way better off having less dough and something you really love. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's only if you have a certain amount of dough. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| The stress of not having enough money to feed yourself and feed your family and put a roof over your head, that's overwhelming for people, especially as we were talking about earlier, if people have fucking credit card debt or student loan debt or some insurmountable amount of debt that you can't get out of. | ||
| Yeah, it just hangs on you. | ||
| Then you're not really thinking about, well, what's meaningful for my, what's a meaningful hobby for me? | ||
| Oh, dude, it's the worst. | ||
| The feeling of debt is the fucking worst. | ||
| And then the feeling of just working for nothing, that's also bad, too. | ||
| There's the feeling of, like, every day you're doing it just to exist, and at the end of the day you're exhausted. | ||
| So what is your life? | ||
| What is your life? | ||
| Is your life all this shit you hate to do? | ||
| Well, that's the answer for most people. | ||
| Most people, most of the time, the answer is you're doing something you hate to do, and it's been me, and I know it's been you at some point in your life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But goddamn, the amount that your life can change if you just no longer have to do something you don't want to do. | ||
| You could do something that you actually enjoy, whatever it is, whether it's carpentry or painting or whatever the fuck it is that you love to do. | ||
| Do you think it has to be your work? | ||
| Or do you think you could be at a work where you're kind of into it, but then you have some other passion that's... | ||
| You could do that, but you're also, if your work isn't satisfying, that's most of your life. | ||
| People are like, yeah, you gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| Of course you do. | ||
| Of course you have to do what you gotta do. | ||
| That goes without saying. | ||
| So, figure out a way out of there. | ||
| Everybody's got a way out. | ||
| People love to say things like that, like, hey, some people don't have that luxury. | ||
| People love to say things like that, so you have to acknowledge that. | ||
| But that's... | ||
| That's the case with anyone who's ever done anything where it was hard to do. | ||
| It's always going to be hard to do. | ||
| It's easy for you to say. | ||
| Of course it's easy for me to say. | ||
| I'm just saying it. | ||
| It's the easiest thing in the world. | ||
| I'm going to put a rocket on the moon. | ||
| See, I just said it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Think about how hard it is to do. | ||
| It's easy for you to say. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Of course it's easy to say. | ||
| But the difference, just as a person who's done both, the difference between doing something you hate doing and doing something you love doing, It's off the charts how much better your life is. | ||
| No, absolutely. | ||
| Even if you're making less money. | ||
| Even if you're making less money. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because, you know, to use comedy as an example, because it's what we are, when you were making $5 a night, literally $5 a night as a comedian, I was so much happier than when I had a day job. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Making real money. | ||
| I remember the feeling of being able to make a living with just stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, what? | ||
| Like, holy cow. | ||
| And not a good living, just getting by. | ||
| In my beginning, it was super shaky. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Super shaky. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I started making money. | ||
| I was making a little bit of money in Boston, but I always had day jobs. | ||
| And then when I moved to New York, and then Jeff started managing me, then I started making money. | ||
| He'd get me booked in places, and I was working pretty much every weekend. | ||
| Who was Jeff? | ||
| Jeff Sussman, my manager. | ||
| Oh, Jeff Sussman. | ||
| Long-time manager. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Started managing me when I was an open-miker. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Yeah, we've been together forever. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| You still with him? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Love him. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| The best. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| I love the guy. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| He's an awesome person, too. | ||
| And just brilliant at his job, super low-key, doesn't give a fuck about Hollywood. | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| But, you know, he understands it. | ||
| He knows what to do. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
| He's like, do what makes you happy. | ||
| He just wants you to be happy. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| So, and he picked you up when you were doing open mics? | ||
| Dude! | ||
| I was a scrub. | ||
| I wasn't even supposed to go on stage that night. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he came into town. | ||
| He had managed some other comedians. | ||
| Remember Bob Nelson? | ||
| You know Bob Nelson? | ||
| Oh, yeah! | ||
| The football guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| You remember all that? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| He managed him. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, and he produced his HBO special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And they were parting ways. | ||
| And they were parting ways, and Jeff was like, well, maybe I've seen everybody that I've seen in New York. | ||
| Maybe I'll take a trip to Boston. | ||
| So he took a trip to Boston and just fucking dumb luck, when I was driving limos, I wrote a joke that day. | ||
| I had this joke and I called up my friend Oliver, who was the manager at the club, and I said, hey man, can I come in and do like five minutes? | ||
| Because I have this joke I want to try out. | ||
| I said, sure, come on in. | ||
| And he liked me, so he hooked me up. | ||
| And I went on stage and I didn't even know Sussman was in the room. | ||
| What? | ||
| Because I didn't know he was in the room, I didn't give a fuck. | ||
| I was super loose. | ||
| You knew who he was at that point? | ||
| No, I didn't know who he was. | ||
| You didn't know who he was, so it just didn't... | ||
| But if I knew that there was a manager from New York that handled Bob Nelson, I'd be like, holy shit. | ||
| I'd probably freak out. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And choke. | ||
| I mean, my act was shaky as fuck back then anyway. | ||
| You know, I'm only like two and a half, three years in a comedy, something like that. | ||
| I was terrible. | ||
| Anything could happen. | ||
| Yeah, anything did, often. | ||
| You know, it was really interesting. | ||
| He took me to New York to... | ||
| He saw me there, and then he took me to New York to try out. | ||
| He wanted to see me perform in some other clubs. | ||
| So he said, are you willing to come down to New York? | ||
| So I said, sure, yeah. | ||
| I've always wanted to. | ||
| I was so nervous about performing in New York. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I thought New York City was different. | ||
| I was more nervous than when he came to see me the second time in Boston. | ||
| I was more nervous to perform in New York. | ||
| I was going up at Catch a Rising Star, which doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| Just legends? | ||
| Forget it. | ||
| Yeah, that's a big thing. | ||
| Because you don't know it yet. | ||
| Yeah, well, it was like the New York comics were always like the smart ones. | ||
| That was the thought process, the insecure thought process in Boston. | ||
| Like, the audiences are smarter. | ||
| They're not going to buy your bullshit. | ||
| They're smarter over there. | ||
| They're going to know you're not funny. | ||
| They're going to know. | ||
| They're going to know. | ||
| And what's really funny is, like, Sussman, we were talking about, like, clean comedy versus dirty comedy. | ||
| And there was no real decision, like, you know, because back then people would, like, decide to be clean. | ||
| It wasn't like you're a clean comic because that's how you think. | ||
| It's like, well, if you want to get more work, the smart move is to go clean. | ||
| As a business decision. | ||
| As a business decision. | ||
| You should dress nice and act clean. | ||
| He took me to this place called... | ||
| We went to a bunch of places. | ||
| We did Eat Side Comedy Club, which is this cool comedy club that used to be in Long Island. | ||
| And then he took me to this place called Fast Eddie's in Huntington. | ||
| And it was a local bar that had a comedy night. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We went upstairs, and the crowd was so fucking rowdy and so drunk, and there was a dude on stage, his name was George Gallo, hilarious dude, who was doing a reverse shit with a banana. | ||
| As you're waiting to go on. | ||
| So he had a banana that he was like, he was somehow or another slurping it like it was a reverse shit. | ||
| And he's doing this in front of, you know, these people are hammered. | ||
| It's like a Wednesday night or some shit, right? | ||
| And Suston says, he grabs me by the arm, you don't have to perform here. | ||
| We're gonna get out of here. | ||
| And I said, no fucking way. | ||
| I go, listen, man. | ||
| These are my people. | ||
| I go, just trust me. | ||
| Let me go up. | ||
| My people. | ||
| I'm like, this is what I do, man. | ||
| All the gigs that I got in Boston were all bar gigs. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| I don't know how to handle this. | ||
| Yeah, you get hard. | ||
| You get tough. | ||
| Yeah, well, also, plus, once you've done a bunch of them, it's like chaos. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| You know what to do. | ||
| You know what to do. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| It's a different kind of comedy. | ||
| It's like combat comedy. | ||
| Yeah, which it was... | ||
| At that time, you ran into that more than you didn't run into that. | ||
| Even today, if you get road gigs, if you're an up-and-coming guy or gal, especially if you're a gal, girls get it way harder in the early days. | ||
| My friend's girlfriend admitted the other day that when she sees a female comedian at a comedy club, she cringes. | ||
| Still? | ||
| To this day. | ||
| She goes, I get super uncomfortable when they start going on stage. | ||
| And if they're funny, it's a huge relief. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| And as a feminist, I hate saying that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's terrible. | |
| She goes, I consider myself a feminist. | ||
| I hate saying that. | ||
| I feel like it's gotten beyond that. | ||
| I feel like there's so many... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Such strong... | ||
| At the top of the chain, but if you're in some weird club in the middle of nowhere and some... | ||
| Yeah, I get the... | ||
| I get that for you. | ||
| I get, like, especially if you're a feminist and you're around, you just don't want her to bomb because then you think, well, all the rest of the audience is going to think that's what all women are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's that, too. | |
| Yeah, there's that, too. | ||
| And there's that she just doesn't think they're funny very often. | ||
| She's not a comic, so she's just being honest about it. | ||
| And we were laughing. | ||
| Because when a girl says that, you're like, oh no. | ||
| But back then, it was... | ||
| Every time, even in good clubs like the Comic Strip or Caroline's, it was just like... | ||
| It was war. | ||
| War. | ||
| It was war. | ||
| But nothing compared to... | ||
| Did you ever get any of those Bob Gonzo gigs in New Jersey? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chaos. | |
| Oh, God, yeah. | ||
| It was like a frat party that just threw you up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It never ended. | |
| They didn't want comedy. | ||
| Those road gigs though, they turn you, they season you in a different way. | ||
| They season you for like, the comedy store was similar to that for a long time. | ||
| Because the comedy store in the early days had no crowd control. | ||
| None. | ||
| I mean literally zero. | ||
| So the crowd was in control. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| No one ever shut anybody up. | ||
| But the new regime, it's handled so much differently. | ||
| It's a new concept. | ||
| It's so much better. | ||
| But it did make you, Bulletproof. | ||
| Yeah, you knew how to handle drunks. | ||
| You came through that time. | ||
| Maybe it still exists when you're going through, but if you do that many gigs... | ||
| That's why I really don't believe in just going to your one little alt room over and over again where you know you're coddled and supported. | ||
| I really believe that you have to go into all these hellish situations. | ||
| So you just... | ||
| Anywhere you go, you know you can go and kill. | ||
| That's an important part to being a comedian. | ||
| Yeah, and you also, as you become a successful comedian, you can fall into the trap of only performing in front of your audience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You really do have to drop in on other people's shows. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| People don't know who you are and why. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what's great about the store lineup, too, right? | ||
| There's 15 comedians. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're probably not there to see you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| They're probably not there to see this guy or that guy or all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you have to be able to survive. | ||
| Because you see people that come out of those other environments and then they get thrown into this and they don't know how to act. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think comedy is like a lot of other things that are difficult. | ||
| There's things that you can do to get better at those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, like they say that... | ||
| Like, if you learn languages, you could get better at chess. | ||
| I read something about that. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Did I make that up? | ||
| It sounds about right. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| I would buy that. | ||
| If you learn a new language, it'll make you better at chess. | ||
| I might have made that up. | ||
| Just the way your brain is... | ||
| I might have been high, lying in bed, trying to think of all the different cross-training methods. | ||
| How could it be better at chess? | ||
| Do you play chess? | ||
| No, but I want to. | ||
| But I'm scared. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I'm scared. | ||
| Why? | ||
| You saw me play Quake earlier? | ||
| I have addiction problems. | ||
| I have crazy addiction problems. | ||
| Chess is addicting. | ||
| Tom Papa walked in and Jeff and I were going to war. | ||
| Holy cow. | ||
| We were going at it. | ||
| That was the most intense thing I've ever seen you do. | ||
| Is it intense? | ||
| It's intense. | ||
| Both of you on the keyboard and the thing, sweating your ass off in front of these monitors. | ||
| You were taking like deep, deep breaths in the middle of it. | ||
| These guys are just firing off at each other. | ||
| It was intense. | ||
| You've got to try to stay calm. | ||
| We're in this very small map, so I always know where he is. | ||
| He always knows where I am. | ||
| And there's a limited amount of ammunition and armor. | ||
| And when you get jacked and you come back less strong with a weaker weapon, you gotta run to get a good weapon quick. | ||
| And then you gotta run to get where the fucking armor is. | ||
| And he knows where that shit is. | ||
| So it's a crazy duel. | ||
| Like, oftentimes, if he kills me, he'll kill me two or three times in a row. | ||
| It was so much faster than I thought it was gonna be. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, real intense. | ||
| Is it always that? | ||
| Like, you're just in one courtyard? | ||
| One stone courtyard running around? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| There's many, many maps. | ||
| You can just go... | ||
| Yeah, that's a good one for one-on-one. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| We have these one-on-one matches. | ||
| Those are the most fun. | ||
| Because there's no other variables, right? | ||
| The variables of like, if there's like 10 people in the room and everybody's just shooting everybody, which is a lot of these maps, I'll show you that too. | ||
| That's more chaos. | ||
| Oftentimes you get killed when you're fighting a guy and then someone comes from behind and you don't even see him and they shoot you. | ||
| It's annoying. | ||
| So how addicting is this for you? | ||
| Oh, real. | ||
| It's a real problem. | ||
| Because you used to do it, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm way better at it now. | ||
| I'll do it for an hour and then I'll stop. | ||
| And then you'll be good. | ||
| In the old days? | ||
| It's very tough. | ||
| But everything's addictive to me, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everything. | |
| I know. | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Anything I like. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Anything I like, it becomes addictive. | ||
| That's why your shoulder's messed up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| That's from jujitsu. | ||
| But it's not... | ||
| The shoulder was more of a maintenance thing. | ||
| It wasn't that bad. | ||
| It was just getting a little sore, and I wanted to get looked at, and there was some tendinitis in there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I'm real proactive at 51. I have to be real proactive about injuries and when things feel squirrely. | ||
| Yeah, it's the problem. | ||
| You can get hurt and then you can't work out anymore. | ||
| I like it too much. | ||
| But even if it's not something as intense as jujitsu... | ||
| I just need to do something, whether it's yoga or running. | ||
| This is like me, no workout, me, workout. | ||
| I like me when I work out so much more. | ||
| I like me better. | ||
| It happened to me in San Francisco the day after the banya. | ||
| I just woke up. | ||
| I had good shows Friday, but I just woke up in a shitty mood. | ||
| And I knew if I could just get my shoes on and go for a run, My whole day is going to be different. | ||
| And it's just a half hour, just going out, doing a comeback, and I was totally in the same room, just feeling completely different. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| It's just a mental shift. | ||
| You're flooding your brain with all the beautiful thoughts and ideas that happen in there while you're running, while you're breathing. | ||
| You've got all these fucking ideas that come to your brain. | ||
| You get interested. | ||
| You're breathing, and you're running. | ||
| You're concentrating. | ||
| You're going, slow down a little bit here. | ||
| Slow down a little bit here. | ||
| Then you're like, fuck yeah, we're out here doing it. | ||
| I'm out here running. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| You get excited. | ||
| Yeah, it's a big deal. | ||
| And who knows what chemicals are firing off in your brain. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Dude, it's my dog and me, because we run together, are like inseparable. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| He follows me everywhere. | ||
| Like, when I sit down, he sits right next to me. | ||
| He follows me. | ||
| I've never had a relationship with a dog like this. | ||
| I've never had dogs that I loved that were great, but this dog stuck to me like glue. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| Part of it is because we run so much. | ||
| He gets so thrilled. | ||
| He's so happy. | ||
| When we run, he turns and he'll run ahead of me. | ||
| And then he'll come back to me to check up on me. | ||
| And then he comes back and runs with this big smile on his face. | ||
| Like, I can't believe we're out here! | ||
| And then he goes and runs again. | ||
| How far are you running with him? | ||
| A couple miles. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| In the hills. | ||
| Just pretty steep hills. | ||
| Oh, that's good. | ||
| That's a workout. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I have a short time, I can do... | ||
| There's one real steep trail that I run. | ||
| There's one steep trail that we have to drive to a little bit, but it's super steep. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's way out near, like, Agora. | ||
| That one's rough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a rough one. | ||
| That's gotta be tough. | ||
| Yeah, because it's real long. | ||
| It's like, the whole thing is the hills. | ||
| Because the hills are no pounding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If you can get a good hill under you, it's way harder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I base it on 140 beats a minute. | ||
| Anytime I get below 140 beats a minute, I start running again. | ||
| But I'll do these sprints. | ||
| I'll go as far as I can. | ||
| I get into the 180s. | ||
| And then when I'm like, fuck, I gotta take a break. | ||
| I'll just take a break and I'll look at my heartbeat, get my heartbeat down somewhere in the 140s, anywhere around 145, then I'm ready to go again. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then I'll go again. | ||
| I'm usually like 160s running. | ||
| Dude, it's rough. | ||
| Hills are rough. | ||
| Hills are really rough. | ||
| They're a different thing. | ||
| But it's changed my kicking power. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| It's actually gave me more kicking power. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can kick. | ||
| Believe it or not, it's probably like... | ||
| I want to see like 10%, 5% or 10% more power. | ||
| From the runs? | ||
| Yeah, my hips are bigger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's like I have these muscles around my butt, like the hip area. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know like where your belt is, like right below where your belt is? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I never had a muscle there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm like, what is that? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| It's just bones. | ||
| This is all from hills. | ||
| This is all from running hills. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So when I stomp, like if I stomp the back, like a front kick to the bag, that... | ||
| That forward thrust is the same thing you're doing all the time when you're running. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're running. | |
| You're pushing off one leg and you're pushing off the other leg because you're going up a hill. | ||
| So when you're kicking, you're pushing off that leg and thrusting that other leg forward. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Is your dog good on the hills? | ||
| Does your dog ever get tired? | ||
| Yeah, he gets tired. | ||
| You know when they get tired? | ||
| They get tired when you throw the ball. | ||
| Then it's a sprint. | ||
| It's a sprint and then you bring it back. | ||
| It's a sprint and bring it back. | ||
| It's like seven times like, yo bro, I'm coming to lie down over here. | ||
| You're like, no, no, no. | ||
| Come on, man! | ||
| Give me that ball! | ||
| Come on, man! | ||
| My sister has to put down her dog tonight. | ||
| 16-year-old dog. | ||
| A big, almost like a spaniel kind of thing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 16 years. | ||
| And she's just been hanging on. | ||
| She's just been the greatest. | ||
| And tonight, 7.30. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Just has to go. | ||
| There's no joy left. | ||
| She just can't go anymore. | ||
| It's going to be rough. | ||
| I've talked to her on my way in, and it's just like, what a brutal thing to have to do. | ||
| Yeah, it's so brutal. | ||
| 16 years! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My dog got hit by a car when I was like 14. Oh. | ||
| 14 or 15 right in front of me. | ||
| I was taking her across the street. | ||
| And we had a busy street near our house. | ||
| And some car came down the street really fast. | ||
| And she got off the leash and ran right into this. | ||
| Hit her in a Volkswagen. | ||
| Yeah, it was rough, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I brought her up. | |
| I carried her up to the house. | ||
| Did she die instantly? | ||
| Yeah, she died in like... | ||
| She died within like 15-20 minutes. | ||
| That's so brutal. | ||
| It was rough. | ||
| She started shitting all over the place. | ||
| How old was she? | ||
| She wasn't that old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe 5 or 6. It's brutal. | |
| There's nothing worse. | ||
| It's so painful. | ||
| Sweet dog, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was a bummer. | ||
| She just loved being in the park, and we were headed to the park, and she just got a little too excited and ran. | ||
| You know, I didn't see the car coming. | ||
| I didn't get a hold of her collar in time. | ||
| That's brutal. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| She got knocked flying. | ||
| I didn't even know if she was going to die. | ||
| You couldn't tell. | ||
| All the injuries were internal. | ||
| I brought her upstairs. | ||
| She started shitting herself. | ||
| She started shitting all over the place. | ||
| It was very unusual for her. | ||
| She was house trained. | ||
| I was really scared. | ||
| Have you had to go through any pet deaths with your kids yet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My two dogs. | ||
| I just had to put both of my dogs down. | ||
| Oh, for real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were... | ||
|
unidentified
|
13. It was a Mastiff when he was 13. Wow, that's great, Ron, for a Mastiff. | |
| At the end, I used to have to carry him into the house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He couldn't walk anymore. | ||
| He would walk, like, literally, he would be like, he would walk a step, walk a step, and then just stay, and his legs would be shaking, walk a step, walk a step. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's so sad. | |
| How did the kids handle it? | ||
| They were really sad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's hard, man. | ||
| Isn't that the hardest thing when you watch your kids have to deal with it? | ||
| It makes it so much harder. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're trying to be brave. | ||
| I think there's a lesson in it. | ||
| Oh, for real? | ||
| I think it's not a good experience, but I think it's good for them to experience. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Especially that. | |
| They have to go through it. | ||
| You know, like pet death. | ||
| And just... | ||
| Having those little relationships with animals, you know, when you're a kid, it's like, you're a dog, you can always talk to them, and you can say crazy shit to your dog. | ||
| You know, your dog can be sitting in your room with you, and you go, you know what, it's just you and me. | ||
| You're the only one who understands me. | ||
| Your parents are acting like assholes. | ||
| No one likes you in the house, but your dog still does. | ||
| I know my parents are a piece of shit, but you're not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're the best. | |
| Everyone yells at me, get over here. | ||
| You're going to come with me. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| When I move out, I'm taking the dog, Mom. | ||
| Oh, it's the best. | ||
| But watching your kids, like, trying to be brave, trying not to cry, that is such a heartbreaker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just trying to be like, I'm okay. | |
| Oh, it's just the worst. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's gonna kill me. | ||
| Hey, do you notice by your house, we have mosquitoes now. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We have like legit... | ||
| We never had mosquitoes out here. | ||
| There's like real mosquitoes. | ||
| And they bite you only from like your knee down. | ||
| Everybody around where I live is saying the same thing. | ||
| We've never had mosquitoes. | ||
| If you just wear pants, then your problem is solved. | ||
| I only wear pants. | ||
| So how are they biting you? | ||
| Well, I take my shoes off once in a while. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| You're right, though. | ||
| I have noticed mosquitoes. | ||
| I noticed some last night. | ||
| We never had them in Southern California before. | ||
| I don't know where they're coming from. | ||
| Well, we definitely had them. | ||
| We just didn't have many of them. | ||
| And this is how I know we had them. | ||
| I moved into a house once in Encino, and no one had lived there for, like, at least a year, I think. | ||
| And the pool had not been tended to. | ||
| So the pool was filled with mosquito larva. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And... | |
| I mean, it's like fish. | ||
| Like schools of fish. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Swimming around there. | ||
| And I was freaking out. | ||
| I was like, what is that? | ||
| Are these fish? | ||
| And I hired this guy, Kevin the pool guy. | ||
| And Kevin the pool guy came over and he was like, bro, those are mosquito larvae. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| No way. | ||
| Maybe that's where they all came from. | ||
| It's a new thing. | ||
| I mean, we used to have our doors open, our windows open, no screens, no problem. | ||
| But now all of a sudden, just this last year. | ||
| Yeah, we're so sad. | ||
| You have to live like the rest of the world now. | ||
| Why do I live here if I have to put screens on my windows? | ||
| Do you think that'll last? | ||
| Will it change? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Have you heard about this? | ||
| Do you see that shit that I posted yesterday about that yellow mustard plant? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's called black mustard. | ||
| It looks so beautiful. | ||
| I was like, oh, that's nice. | ||
| And it was the most ominous posting, though. | ||
| Well, it's very strange, man, because this shit didn't exist before. | ||
| Like, on the same hills where I'm seeing it dominate the hill, it literally didn't exist a year ago. | ||
| And now it's just like an invasive plant. | ||
| Yeah, it's a crazy plant. | ||
| I just looked up mosquitoes in Los Angeles and it's an article from the end of last year, but it says, have you experienced an unusual number of mosquitoes bites this summer, mostly below the knee and especially around your ankles? | ||
| How about that? | ||
| It's called an Aedes bug. | ||
| An Aedes bug? | ||
| You have Aedes. | ||
| A-E-D-E-S, and it's a real problem, right? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's a problem. | ||
| It's a real problem. | ||
| What, do I live in Maine? | ||
| He just read it. | ||
| A-E-D-E-S, and it's a real problem. | ||
| Oh, that's funny. | ||
| They're spreading like wildfire, says Susan Klu, Director of Scientific and Technical Research Services for the Greater Los Angeles County Vector Control District. | ||
| Sounds like Suzanne needs money for her fucking business. | ||
| That's what it sounds like to me, bro. | ||
| Our phones are exploding. | ||
| This is fake news. | ||
| Kidding. | ||
| Los Angeles is home to two particularly troubling types of invasive Aedes mosquitoes. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| The Asian tiger mosquito arrived first, having hitched a ride with shipments of lucky bamboo from China. | ||
| You and your bamboo barbells. | ||
| I don't think it's like a polymer. | ||
| China in 2001. Vector control specialist monitored plant nurseries across the county. | ||
| And soon stopped finding the mosquitoes in their traps. | ||
| They thought the insects had been eradicated. | ||
| However, in 2011, residents in El Monte began to complain about unusually aggressive, daytime-biting mosquitoes plaguing the neighborhood. | ||
| Yes, in the daytime. | ||
| Mosquitoes. | ||
| This is happening. | ||
| They've been infiltrated. | ||
| What do you think would happen if people started seeing malaria in America? | ||
| Why hasn't that happened? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| I'm sure Dr. Peter Hotez could have explained that to us, right? | ||
| When he was talking about infectious diseases from... | ||
| Malaria is... | ||
| Malaria is... | ||
| I know when I was still living in Ohio, West Nile virus would pop up a lot with mosquitoes. | ||
| Not like every day or anything like that, but I know they'd have to spray certain neighborhoods all the time. | ||
| Like, stay in, keep your kids in, keep your pets in, we're spraying your neighborhood. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| West Nile... | ||
| I didn't sign up for this. | ||
| How about signing up for spraying? | ||
| That's scarier than the West Nile, because the spray's gonna get to everybody. | ||
| They used to spray when I was a kid in New Jersey. | ||
| They would spray for the gypsy moths. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| They wouldn't even tell us. | ||
| They were just like, look at that plane! | ||
| And shit would be coming out of its ass end. | ||
| Think of the difference between the way a butterfly gets treated and a moth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, moths deserve it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dirty. | |
| Isn't it funny? | ||
| Butterflies are beautiful. | ||
| They're a little chalky and they have a plain color. | ||
| They've got like that fur on their head. | ||
| They're basically the same thing. | ||
| They're the same thing. | ||
| No, they're gray or white. | ||
| Yeah, but it's only the way they look. | ||
| Yeah, the butterfly's beautiful. | ||
| But isn't that crazy? | ||
| Orange and black. | ||
| Like, we love them. | ||
| Love them. | ||
| You find a spider, you stomp it. | ||
| You would never go to a zoo and go into the moth house. | ||
| If you kill a ladybug, you're an asshole. | ||
| Oh, completely. | ||
| You're the type of person who kills ladybugs? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But if you don't kill roach, I can't hang out with you. | ||
| If you let a roach run across your kitchen floor, you're like, Sat Nam, roach. | ||
| Sat Nam, namaste. | ||
| I save all... | ||
| Kill that fucking thing! | ||
| You got a roach in your kitchen, lady. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| But a ladybug has a couple dots on it. | ||
| Why are we racist with bugs? | ||
| Because there's such a thing as beauty. | ||
| Okay, that's why squirrels get a pass and rats don't. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Bushy tail. | ||
| Yeah, looking cute. | ||
| A little style like a fringe jacket. | ||
| Imagine if the tail was just because they found out if the tails grew bushy, people would stop killing them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, what's more disgusting than just a skin tail with nothing on it? | ||
| Possum. | ||
| Possum's tail. | ||
| Possums don't even cause any problems. | ||
| They're disgusting. | ||
| Possum tail, you're like, ew, you little fucking... | ||
| Get the bat! | ||
| Little hands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get the bat! | |
| Little hands and your little reptile tail. | ||
| Creepy little fuck. | ||
| Little beady eyes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Disgusting. | ||
| Yeah, but we have certain animals that we like, like raccoons. | ||
| Look, we don't like raccoons when they're eating out of your garbage, but if someone had a pet raccoon, you would think that's the dopest thing ever. | ||
| We secretly want relationships with raccoons. | ||
| If they would only be nicer to us, we would embrace raccoons. | ||
| Raccoons don't want to have shit to do with us. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| We're too smart for us. | ||
| We're nice to them. | ||
| I feel like these people are assholes. | ||
| Just wait until they go to sleep and eat their trash. | ||
| We'll just eat their garbage. | ||
| It's safer to eat their garbage. | ||
| Yeah, they put lids on it. | ||
| That shit doesn't work. | ||
| They've got that cool black mask. | ||
| Yeah, you lift the lid, you throw it aside, you pull the bag out. | ||
| They have hands. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They have people hands. | ||
| They do have the little tiny people hands. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They can grab stuff, smoke cigarettes, hang out, text. | ||
| They also kill chickens. | ||
| Well, so do we. | ||
| Do you know who's a real predator? | ||
| Skunks. | ||
| Skunks are predators. | ||
| There's a skunk living in the back of my yard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Sprayed my dog. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| It's still there? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Come on, bro. | ||
| Man up. | ||
| What am I gonna do? | ||
| Take out the skunk. | ||
| Hazmat suit. | ||
| BB gun. | ||
| Time to go to war. | ||
| I gotta go crawl into the thing and find him? | ||
| Crawl into the thing? | ||
| Look at this fucking hand! | ||
| Look at that raccoon's hand! | ||
| That shit's crazy. | ||
| It's like he's flaunting. | ||
| He's like, yeah, look at that. | ||
| His hand is so much smaller than his face. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Imagine if your hand was that small and relationship to the size of your head. | ||
| He's adorable, though, isn't he? | ||
| He is. | ||
| He's a cute little fellow. | ||
| He's like, look, you think I'm staying out of your garbage? | ||
| No way. | ||
| Look what I'm working with. | ||
| Do they have opposable thumbs? | ||
| Look what I'm working with. | ||
| Didn't quite seem like... | ||
| No, it looks like five fingers with no thumb. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the thing they never figured out. | ||
| Look at his teeth. | ||
| They never figured it out. | ||
| Like, they had meetings. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're jazz hands. | |
| Dudes, we just need a thumb. | ||
| Let me see the teeth there. | ||
| Look at when he's got his mouth open. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Whoa, that would hurt. | ||
| That would really hurt. | ||
| That would fucking suck. | ||
| Look, one of them's chipped. | ||
| Yeah, from biting you in the head. | ||
| Do you think if a raccoon attacked you, you could fight it off? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, you could stomp it. | ||
| What would you do? | ||
| Would you give up? | ||
| It might cut your neck. | ||
| When would you decide we're going to the death? | ||
| Immediately. | ||
| Immediately? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You wouldn't try to talk the raccoon out of this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Fuck off! | ||
| As soon as he makes a move, I'm ready. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Because I've been thinking about it since childhood. | ||
| Oh, look at that one. | ||
| I don't want that one biting my nose. | ||
| He looks like a hyena. | ||
| Fucked a raccoon and made that thing. | ||
| I've been thinking these things are coming after us my whole life, so if he makes a move, it's on. | ||
| Bro, those teeth are goddamn terrifying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Look at those teeth. | ||
| No, and they're sneaky. | ||
| That's a big thing, too. | ||
| And they're filled with rabies. | ||
| Filled. | ||
| Yeah, to the top. | ||
| Like their balls are heavy with rabies. | ||
| It's just oozing out of them. | ||
| Like two water balloons. | ||
| Raccoons' strong sense is touch. | ||
| Ooh, I touch you. | ||
| When hunting, raccoons rely on their hands more than their eyes. | ||
| I'm going to touch you now. | ||
| Studies suggest that their sensitivity to touch increases when their hands are wet, which might be why they always wash their food. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just washed my hands and now I am going to touch you when you sleep. | |
| I'm going to touch you and your children while you are sleeping with my five-finger hands. | ||
| Like, if a rat was as big as a raccoon and tried to kill you, you'd be fucking terrified. | ||
| No, we'd be spraying. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| If there were rat-sized things just going through L.A. But why? | ||
| Do you think we'll spray for these mosquitoes? | ||
| I think it's time to call our congressman. | ||
| Well, I think that everyone's afraid of chemtrails, and if you start spraying, circling greater Los Angeles, dropping poison down. | ||
| That's the rat with the pizza? | ||
| I've seen that. | ||
| Oh, yeah, the pizza rat. | ||
| He's famous. | ||
| Rats are disgusting, too. | ||
| Yeah, they're pretty gross. | ||
| Have you ever seen that Netflix documentary? | ||
| On rats? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh no, really? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You need to watch it. | ||
| Because it's educational. | ||
| It's not just gross, and it's really gross. | ||
| But when you realize how many of them there really are in major cities, the biomass of them, it's stunning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| New York's all rat. | ||
| It's just rats. | ||
| It's more or somewhere in the neighborhood of as many rats as there are people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And there's 8 million people. | ||
| And there's how many more? | ||
| As much or more. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| I don't think they know. | ||
| I mean, you see them non-stop walking around. | ||
| They're just guessing. | ||
| Obviously, most of them are subterranean, most of them are living in houses, and most of them, I mean, they burrow their way into tiny little holes. | ||
| How long does a rat live? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| How long does a rat live? | ||
| Because they're born, there's a lot of them, but do they stick around for like 20 years? | ||
| Dude, the documentary showed how they send young rats to try out poison. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, the old rats sit back. | ||
| Suicide rats? | ||
| They send them out there because they don't know any better. | ||
| They let them die. | ||
| They're just assholes. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's a little tip. | ||
| If they're ever doing construction in New York in front of a restaurant, you don't eat it. | ||
| You don't eat on that street. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because they're digging it up, whatever their little ecosystem is, and they're just... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| So if they're digging up the street, they're dying somewhere else. | ||
| I would imagine in New York it must be so hard to keep them out of a restaurant. | ||
| Oh, it's gotta be so hard. | ||
| Like, I guess maybe leave some in the dumpster for them. | ||
| Like, give an offering to the monsters. | ||
| Just a head. | ||
| Yeah, like when they used to tie the girl onto the steaks for Kong. | ||
| So he'd leave everybody else alone. | ||
| On a little shish kebab stick. | ||
| It's like your last job when you're closing down the restaurant. | ||
| You pull the gate down. | ||
| The rats are our friends. | ||
| Put the skulls out. | ||
| Well, what is interesting, what are those? | ||
| Various sizes of them. | ||
| They mostly go up to about two pounds. | ||
| It says in New York City, he doesn't think there's any that are three because they'd be too big to be able to move around. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like a physiological limit to their size. | ||
| Does it say how long they live? | ||
| Average about two years, one to two years in the wild, up to four if you have it as a pet. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it? | |
| My wife used to have pets. | ||
| Hamsters are like that. | ||
| My wife had rats for pets when she was a kid. | ||
| Was she goth? | ||
| No. | ||
| She was just a Jersey kid, just loved animals, and she would just ride her bike around and this rat would just be like on her shoulders. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Weird rat lady. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| But I get it if it's your pet. | ||
| But she said they were super smart and super affectionate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you had it its whole life and you raise it right, yeah, why not? | ||
| Yeah, it's not dirty. | ||
| It's not like going through the sewers and eating poo and climbing on your head. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it would if you just let it go. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| She like had it out with her. | ||
| Go rat-like. | ||
| If you just let it loose in the wild. | ||
| How long would it take for a domesticated rat to adapt to living in like a New York City sewer? | ||
| 40 seconds. | ||
| What do you think they would do? | ||
| That would be a crazy fucking Disney movie. | ||
| Hey, look at you from the suburbs. | ||
| What, have you been living in a house? | ||
| Yeah, with like, you know those multicolored rats? | ||
| They have like all these cute little different colors on them. | ||
| Oh, you're so clean with your pink hair. | ||
| Oh, you got different colors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at you. | |
| Hey, Joe, get a load of this one. | ||
| He's not even gray. | ||
| Hey, how come you ain't gray? | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| You're white and you're brown. | ||
| You're like a fucking dog over there. | ||
| You think you're better than us, don't you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, get over here. | ||
| I guess you don't know how to get into the restaurant, do you? | ||
| You're looking hungry. | ||
| What, do you got money on you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You give us some money, we'll show you where you get all the good food. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever been to Little Italy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait till I show you. | |
| What a shit roll of dives. | ||
| Getting born a rat. | ||
| Being born a rat. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| Nobody likes you. | ||
| No one likes you, but you do survive pretty well. | ||
| You'd be better off being a javelina. | ||
| What's a javelina? | ||
| It's a peccary. | ||
| What's a peccary? | ||
| It's like a cousin to a pig. | ||
| What's a pig? | ||
| You ever seen a javelina? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Doug lives in Bisbee, Arizona, Stanhope. | ||
| By the way, I think it's sold out, but he's taping his next special in Vegas next month. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In Vegas, that's cool. | ||
| Where he lives in Bisbee, that's a javelina. | ||
| He lives really close to the border. | ||
| I think he's only six miles from the border or some crazy shit. | ||
| And these things live in the wild, out in the desert. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They're fucking... | ||
| They're aggressive. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| And they fucked up his neighbor's dog. | ||
| They killed his neighbor's dog. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| The dog was out, and the javelinas will flank it. | ||
| They'll get on both sides of it. | ||
| They hunt in a pack? | ||
| Yeah, they hunt in a pack. | ||
| And they will attack a small dog. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| That thing's disgusting. | ||
| Yeah, they're gross, dude. | ||
| That's like a giant rat. | ||
| It looks like a giant rat. | ||
| Well... | ||
| It does. | ||
| It looks like a pig fucked a rat. | ||
| Oh, somebody shot it in the face of a crossbow. | ||
| People hunt them all the time. | ||
| It looks like a pig fucked a rat. | ||
| You see that guy shot one? | ||
| It does look like a pig fucked a rat, right? | ||
| It does, yeah. | ||
| Click on the guy who shot one. | ||
| Yeah, bow and arrow. | ||
| A lot of guys hunt them with archery equipment. | ||
| See, wouldn't it be better if he was dressed in like a coat with a tie in those boots? | ||
| No, because you don't want that thing to see you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| That's a rat face. | ||
| Bro, that is such a rat face. | ||
| Please go back to that picture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That last picture. | |
| On a giant body. | ||
| Scroll back to that last one and make it bigger again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, that guy's hunting rats. | ||
| Ew, look at its teeth. | ||
| That's like a slightly different looking rat. | ||
| Ew! | ||
| Oh, you want to know what's really crazy? | ||
| That's a giant rat. | ||
| That's a hundred pound rat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Without a tail. | ||
| That's so gross. | ||
| And you know what's really crazy is those animals, they're the best animal to a call. | ||
| Now what a call is, is like you'd make a sound of a wounded animal. | ||
| No, you make like... | ||
| Like something that's suffering. | ||
| Like people take their hand. | ||
| These fuckers run in. | ||
| They run in. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes, they're so aggressive. | ||
| It's crazy to watch. | ||
| Because they think something's hurt and I can go eat it? | ||
| But they have to act quick because there's coyotes out there and mountain lions out there. | ||
| So when something's hurting... | ||
| And they hear, like, fuck food! | ||
| And they just run towards it. | ||
| So when you're bow hunting, you almost have to have one person make the call, and you're at full draw, and then they start calling, and the things come running in, and you shoot at them. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Because you couldn't do it, you couldn't get to the bow. | ||
| You wouldn't get to the bow on the time, because they'd see you, and they'd go, fuck, it's a guy! | ||
| And it would turn off the other way again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are these like invasive? | ||
| Are they all over his property? | ||
| No, they're natural. | ||
| No, but I mean, are they not invasive? | ||
| But I mean, is there a lot of them? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There's like a ton around where he lives. | ||
| They exist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, they exist in the desert. | ||
| I mean, they exist in healthy enough populations that people hunt for them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they eat them. | ||
| They say they taste good. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wouldn't eat that. | ||
| But you eat a pig. | ||
| Yeah, but they're cuter. | ||
| Wild boar? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With crazy tusks? | ||
| Yeah, those are gross, too. | ||
| Those are pretty gross, too. | ||
| Now, my pigs... | ||
| Look at those. | ||
| The ones I eat have bow ties. | ||
| They're climbing around this guy's garage. | ||
| And little tap shoes. | ||
| Sometimes a hat. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
| They're staring him down, bro. | ||
| They're staring him down. | ||
| They're in his garage. | ||
| There's a whole bunch of them. | ||
| What in the fuck is that? | ||
| Right on your kid's toy. | ||
| Look at his... | ||
| It's all... | ||
| It's hairs up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ew. | |
| In a threatening way. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It's just gonna take a dump in your driveway. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| You do not want that in your life. | ||
| I don't wanna live there. | ||
| There's fucking 20 of them in this guy's driveway. | ||
| See? | ||
| Look at that one there in the back. | ||
| Roll that back again. | ||
| How many were there? | ||
| There was like 12. What is the name of that video for people who want to watch it? | ||
| Wild javelinas make a visit to Arizona home. | ||
| Wild javelinas! | ||
| Yeah, no, no, no. | ||
| I know you can't show it. | ||
| Those fucking things are everywhere. | ||
| There's a lot of them. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at how many of them there are. | ||
| At least. | ||
| At least eight. | ||
| And then there's the one that was on top of the... | ||
| There's nine. | ||
| And then there's the one that was on top of the truck. | ||
| And then there's the one that you can see through the fence. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's probably more out there, too. | ||
| Ew! | ||
| Ew, it's going in the car. | ||
| It's going in the kid's little car. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Ew, it's in the passenger seat of the car. | ||
| Ew! | ||
| Gross fucking creatures. | ||
| I feel like Wild Javelina is like a Dean Martin song. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Look at all of them over there. | ||
| Look at all of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wild Javelina. | |
| Fuck, man. | ||
| They're weird looking, too. | ||
| They look like they're demons. | ||
| I don't like them at all. | ||
| They got little beady eyes like they're up to no good. | ||
| But... | ||
| If you were a little kid... | ||
| You're thinking like, oh, I wouldn't live there because that's there, but if you live in New York, at night, who knows what's climbing all around your building. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| Eagles and shit, right? | ||
| Is that what you're talking about? | ||
| No. | ||
| Hey, Google Javelina... | ||
| I had a rat get into my house in... | ||
| Google Javelina eats baby. | ||
| Let's see if that's ever happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a human baby? | |
| Yeah, a human baby. | ||
| Let's see if that happened. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| If a javelina ate a human? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, you see those fucking things? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 20 in that guy's driveway? | ||
| Oh, they've definitely eaten babies. | ||
| I'm exaggerating. | ||
| It wasn't 20. Someone's eating a baby right now. | ||
| Probably 13. It was probably 12. A baker's dozen. | ||
| A baker's dozen. | ||
| Of javelinas. | ||
| Yeah, they would eat a baby. | ||
| A toddler? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Knock it down? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, if they eat a dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think they're scared of people? | ||
| They obviously weren't scared of that dude. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a full-blown person. | ||
| And a baby doesn't have fur, doesn't have anything. | ||
| I know, I put his hair up. | ||
| Spikes up to let you know it's threatened. | ||
| Did I ever tell you the story of when I pulled a rat out of my pool vacuum? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ew. | |
| Was it alive? | ||
| No. | ||
| Did it stink? | ||
| It stunk. | ||
| I'm like, why isn't the vacuum working? | ||
| And I dove in and I pulled it up. | ||
| And there was a half a rat, its ass sticking out the vacuum. | ||
| And as soon as I got it above the water, flies just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I had to pull it out without it breaking. | |
| Where the fuck are the flies before the shit? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| Where the fuck are they? | ||
| All over. | ||
| They're not that many. | ||
| Like, if you're around, like, a person's backyard, how often do you see flies? | ||
| Every now and then, there's one. | ||
| It's kind of annoying. | ||
| But if you just pulled your pants down and shat on the ground, there would be flies on that within a matter of moments. | ||
| Oh, you mean right after I swam? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right after I swam, just shat right on their lawn. | ||
| You mean your after-swim shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, they show up. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And it happens so fast. | ||
| So gross. | ||
| It's like, all of a sudden, they're all over it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, where'd you guys come from? | ||
| We should just stay inside. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Did you find a baby death from a javelina? | ||
| A couple months ago, a couple people in Arizona were attacked. | ||
| And they had, like, a woman was bit while she was walking her dogs. | ||
| Another guy was bit while he was feeding them. | ||
| And he didn't feed it fast enough. | ||
| And it bit him. | ||
| That's about as much as I could find. | ||
| Well, the lady who got bit, that's the scary one. | ||
| Because the guy who fed him is an asshole. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| The scary one. | ||
| There was a lady who got bit by a coyote recently in Dallas. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, it was around the Dallas area. | ||
| I think they think that there's this one coyote that's been biting people. | ||
| It's a rogue, unusual coyote that's been snapping at people. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, they had bite marks on their legs. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, it's gross, man, because they will kill you. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| They would kill you. | ||
| They're just small. | ||
| They're just not sure if it's worth the effort, and you're around people, and they're worried that, you know... | ||
| One-on-one, could you fight off a coyote? | ||
| I don't know if you could, man. | ||
| I mean, I think you probably could if you had to, but they'll fuck you up, man. | ||
| They just keep biting. | ||
| If there's a few of them, that's where the real problem comes. | ||
| If they bite you in the right spot. | ||
| Yeah, man, they'll rip your tendons apart. | ||
| You won't be able to run away. | ||
| They know what they're doing, too. | ||
| They know what they're doing. | ||
| They try to take your legs out. | ||
| I mean, they know what they're doing. | ||
| They're not going to try to jump up and bite you in the neck. | ||
| They're going to try to take your hamstrings out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, they're trying to rip your legs apart so you can't run. | ||
| Why are they so mean? | ||
| That's how they're alive. | ||
| You're not leaving any food out for them, are you? | ||
| No. | ||
| They've got to do what they've got to do. | ||
| It's called domestication. | ||
| That's how we have dogs. | ||
| Do you ever take your family camping? | ||
| I have not. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't either. | ||
| I would, though. | ||
| I wanted to take my kids to Yosemite because I love Yosemite. | ||
| Did you bring a piece? | ||
| Sidearm? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing. | |
| Just went solo. | ||
| We weren't camping. | ||
| We were staying in an inn. | ||
| What about emergency food? | ||
| No emergency food. | ||
| Satellite phone? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Just a phone. | ||
| First aid kit? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| A bag of Funyuns and an iPhone. | ||
| That's all you need. | ||
| And I want to show them Yosemite because it's such a great part of my life. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I've lived in the backcountry for like a week at a time. | ||
| I just love the whole thing. | ||
| And I'm telling them about it. | ||
| I'm building it up. | ||
| They're like, you know, begrudgingly going. | ||
| They're all vegetarians. | ||
| They just love nature. | ||
| They just love whatever. | ||
| So I'm like, you're going to love Yosemite. | ||
| As soon as we drove into the park, welcome to Yosemite. | ||
| I ran over a squirrel. | ||
| The horror inside the car. | ||
| Dad, you didn't even slow down. | ||
| What's wrong? | ||
| You're a monster. | ||
| I'm like, I can't. | ||
| It's two lanes. | ||
| There's a guy behind me, a guy in front. | ||
| I just would steamroll the squirrel. | ||
| They ruined the whole weekend. | ||
| Anytime I'd be like, look at this. | ||
| Look at this beautiful view. | ||
| You killed a squirrel. | ||
| You didn't even care. | ||
| That's the weird part, Dad. | ||
| You didn't even care. | ||
| Is that what they're saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was I supposed to cry? | ||
| I was just laughing. | ||
| Cry like a bitch? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But that's funny, because if you killed a deer, you'd be sadder, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I can't believe that. | ||
| I can't believe how beautiful she is. | ||
| She was so nice with her little eyes and the little tail. | ||
| But if you kill a peccary... | ||
| Yeah, if you're killing them javelinas. | ||
| Like that fucking rat thing. | ||
| It'll find its mom. | ||
| That javelina would ruin your car. | ||
| That bitch, too. | ||
| Bite your teeth. | ||
| It'll probably use its teeth to tear your tires apart. | ||
| Then you'd be stuck in the side of the road trying to change the tire. | ||
| You'd turn around, there's a whole pack of them closing in on you. | ||
| Would you not take your family because of all of this revenge? | ||
| Do you not want them in the woods with you? | ||
| What am I, a danger in the woods? | ||
| Would I become a werewolf? | ||
| What the fuck am I saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just gotta stay in the tent tonight, trust me! | |
| I'll be right back. | ||
| Not that you're the threat. | ||
| Run. | ||
| That you'd have to protect them from all the threats. | ||
| Well, I mean, Yosemite doesn't have that many threats other than people. | ||
| Bears? | ||
| They have black bears. | ||
| Mountain lions? | ||
| Mountain lions are an issue. | ||
| There's always something out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Grizzly bears. | ||
| Or you just don't feel like that's a... | ||
| Because you like going out into nature. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I do like going into nature. | ||
| I also like being indoors. | ||
| Like sleeping in a place where it's awesome to sleep. | ||
| People wiser than me have figured out that that maneuver is called a bed with a roof and a locked door and a refrigerator, you fucking cave person. | ||
| Oh, I'm going to rough it. | ||
| I'm going to sleep on the ground. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| You don't have to sleep in a house? | ||
| Yeah, but when you go hunting and stuff, don't you sleep in the woods? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Most of the time, no. | ||
| I'm going to have. | ||
| Oh, you don't? | ||
| You go back and sleep? | ||
| Depends on what guys I go with. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like if I go with Steve Rinello, we almost always go camping. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Except for when we're at our friend Doug Duren's place, which is, he lives in Wisconsin, and he's got a giant farm where we hunt deer on, hunt deer on there. | ||
| And that place, he's got a cool little, like a deer hunting house. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| That's near the... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a cabin? | ||
| It's like a house. | ||
| It's like a house. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| It's a small house that everybody... | ||
| Like, sleeps in different spots there, yeah. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, I'd like to take my kids camping. | ||
| There's something nice about sleeping in the woods and hearing nature. | ||
| Sure, something cool about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what else is cool? | ||
| Not getting eaten. | ||
| HBO. Yeah. | ||
| Take a shower in the morning. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Yeah, you've got a point. | ||
| Coffee, that's the big thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, there's nothing better than a campfire. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Hanging out, especially at the end of a long day of hiking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, the best. | |
| And then you've got a campfire, and if you get one of those little grates over the campfire, you start cooking, cooking over the campfire. | ||
| Oh, it's the best. | ||
| It's one of the best things in life. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And I feel like my kids don't have that connection. | ||
| Do you worry about being with them in the woods? | ||
| Yeah, a little bit. | ||
| If anybody gets hurt, it's hard to get out? | ||
| Yeah, and just that, you know... | ||
| It's like if you and I went, we're both responsible for it. | ||
| We'd help each other out, but you got your act together. | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm going to leave you alone. | ||
| I'm sorry, what? | ||
| I'm going to leave you alone. | ||
| Say that again? | ||
| Yeah, I just, I can't. | ||
| I cannot. | ||
| Imagine if two guys are planning a camping trip, like, hey, we're going to look out for each other. | ||
| I'm going to leave you behind. | ||
| I'm going to tell you right now. | ||
| I'm willing to go camping with you, but I'm not. | ||
| I can't handle any adversity. | ||
| I will fall apart. | ||
| Just don't. | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| And we're not going in too far. | ||
| I will walk one mile. | ||
| When the alarm goes off, we're going to go one mile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can't. | |
| Dude, seriously? | ||
| You're not going to help me out? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'll call somebody when I get home. | ||
| He's back there a mile. | ||
| Something like a mile. | ||
| Just swallow the blood. | ||
| He's got a backpack full of Slim Jims. | ||
| He'll be alright. | ||
| It'll be good. | ||
| He's got enough food on him. | ||
| Well, I left him one liter of my piss. | ||
| He can drink that. | ||
| Just on his leg where I peed. | ||
| What a horrible camping companion. | ||
| I've got good news and bad news. | ||
| The bad news is I don't have any water. | ||
| The good news is I have to pee. | ||
| So, what do you want to do? | ||
| Open your mouth. | ||
| You want to die? | ||
| You want me to fill up your Nalgene bottle? | ||
| Awful. | ||
| No, but if you go with your kids and you're like, you're responsible for everybody and everything. | ||
| That's pretty, yeah. | ||
| Maybe just a hike. | ||
| Well, there's nothing wrong with camping with your kids. | ||
| It's a good idea. | ||
| If you really are going to go camping, you definitely should bring first aid and definitely bring a satellite phone. | ||
| And you can camp in places that you're not backcountry a mile in. | ||
| You could just pull up, walk 200 feet. | ||
| Or get yourself a fucking Airstream, son. | ||
| Pull that bitch behind a truck. | ||
| Park. | ||
| Turn the generator on. | ||
| Satellite TV. Yeehaw! | ||
| That would be fun. | ||
| You can rent those things. | ||
| You can rent those and just get Fox News in the middle of the forest. | ||
| Tucker Carlson's right! | ||
| Yelling out the window to deer. | ||
| Making friends. | ||
| I think I would like to load them up in an RV kind of situation. | ||
| Go see the Grand Canyon. | ||
| Go through Utah. | ||
| Vacation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like Chevy Chase. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| I think that could be fun. | ||
| Two more people just died in the Grand Canyon. | ||
| What? | ||
| Fell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Why? | ||
| They're not doing the railings? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| I just read two more people just fell to their death in the Grand Canyon. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Let's see if you find out what's going on. | ||
| That was one of the first hikes I did with my father. | ||
| We're doing the switchbacks. | ||
| What'd you say, Jim? | ||
| I don't know if there's a reason why. | ||
| One guy just got too close and slipped. | ||
| I need to know. | ||
| Slipped off the edge. | ||
| Stopped falling. | ||
| If I had Google Glass, I'd have known already. | ||
| Yeah, if I had that memory link wire thing that Jamie's worried about. | ||
| Jamie's going to be the first one to get it, and then he's going to organize to make sure that no one else gets it. | ||
| My thought on that, too, is who is going to be the first one to get it, and how do they decide that? | ||
| Well, for sure, like... | ||
| Money. | ||
| Marcus Brownlee and Lou from Unbox Therapy, they'll get it first, and they'll put it on, and then they'll start running the world because they'll have it early. | ||
| And they go, ah, no one else gets this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They'll try. | |
| But Mark Zuckerberg probably already has it. | ||
| You don't want to know what I'm doing. | ||
| He's probably using it right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Trying to fend his case. | ||
| Yeah, it's coming. | ||
| Something's coming. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| What's it going to be? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| What's it going to be? | ||
| Something's coming, and something's going to be more invasive than what we're experiencing now. | ||
| That's all you can be sure of. | ||
| You're going to figure out how to get more and more data. | ||
| Sam Harris has a really interesting podcast that's out. | ||
| It's either the one that's going on maybe two weeks ago, and it was all about... | ||
| I should probably find it. | ||
| It was all about... | ||
| Privacy? | ||
| Privacy and what's the difference between the way different tech companies approach privacy. | ||
| It actually makes you respect how Apple does it. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, apparently, they do it much more, I guess the word would be, they're more ethical about it. | ||
| They're trying not to give away any, the trouble with Facebook is what it's called. | ||
| I was reading a thing yesterday that, you know, you put those doorbell things on, you know, like Ring, you know, that records people coming up to you. | ||
| And they said, you know, you think it's cool for you and your family, but the UPS guy, all these delivery people are getting their picture taken and sent to a database every day. | ||
| Like these people are being monitored all the time. | ||
| So while it's good for you, it's not that great for these other people that visit you. | ||
| This guy's name is Roger McNamee. | ||
| It's The Trouble of Facebook. | ||
| It's episode 152. It's very interesting because what it goes into is about how tech companies figured out how to tap into a resource that no one thought of. | ||
| And that resource is your data. | ||
| And how much is that worth? | ||
| Well, it turns out it's worth fucking untold billions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's one of the most valuable things, because you can direct market to people, you can find out what people are into and what they're not into. | ||
| You get a lot of people that you can get a hold of. | ||
| And we kind of gave our consent to this without understanding it. | ||
| And they got in through a loophole, and this is how... | ||
| They're able to make ungodly amounts of money. | ||
| Just because we wanted to have that cool feature, so you just say, yeah, take it from me. | ||
| I mean, think about the amount of money something like Facebook brings in versus what it is. | ||
| Like, what is it? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| What are you doing that's making all that money? | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're providing people with data. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're also getting people to – it's like an ongoing psychological experiment In what makes people engage. | ||
| Like, what makes people comment more. | ||
| It turns out it's anger. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It turns out that what makes people engage the most is things they disagree with. | ||
| When they start having fights. | ||
| So, they're having fights back and forth. | ||
| So, you get people to get really into these polarizing subjects. | ||
| And then, once they start looking for those subjects, then those subjects start showing up in their feeds. | ||
| So it's all sorts of things that they get angry about. | ||
| So then they start interacting with these things. | ||
| The more you interact, the more it shows up in your feed. | ||
| And all the while, they're profiting on enraging you. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I mean, this is essentially what they do. | ||
| Creepy Facebook patent uses image recognition to scan your personal photos for brands. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, so they just take all your photos and look at the Dorito bags in the back? | ||
| Applying computer vision algorithms to user-uploaded multimedia objects to detect specific objects within the multimedia object and promoting the uploaded multimedia object from a user's news feed to a sponsored stories area. | ||
| That's what the patent was awarded for. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Jeez Louise. | ||
| Computer vision content detection for sponsored stories. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's crazy, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You snap a selfie sipping a unicorn frap at Starbucks and then shares that selfie on Facebook or Instagram. | ||
| Facebook's newly patented technology can theoretically scan the photo, spot the Starbucks cup with the help of an image object recognition algorithm, and then sell that info to Starbucks. | ||
| Alerting the coffee giant of the fact that you like its product. | ||
| Well, they're already doing a version of that with your searches. | ||
| With the things you're looking at. | ||
| You know, when you go through their browser, they're already doing that. | ||
| Well, they're doing it also with voice. | ||
| Your phone is listening to you all the time. | ||
| If you have Alexa in your home, it's listening. | ||
| My kids, we do it all the time. | ||
| Like, if you're talking about something and then all of a sudden you see, I was performing in Boise. | ||
| And so we were talking about Boise, Boise, Boise, and then everybody on their Instagram was getting an ad for vacationing in Boise. | ||
| See, that seems like... | ||
| Just from us speaking it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That seems like a really serious thing. | ||
| It is! | ||
| It seems like a really serious thing that everybody's just like, oh, this is happening? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't remember signing off on this. | ||
| The technology's ahead of our anger. | ||
| Or our recognition of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We don't understand. | ||
| And so it's already happened by the time you're upset that it exists. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, it's in full force right now. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's really weird. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| And we're just talking about it. | ||
| This is just, we think it's your, just in your home, you're in a private place. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But these phones, they're just, you know, we just all have them. | ||
| And again, this is something that didn't exist 10 years ago, 15 years ago. | ||
| These concerns didn't exist. | ||
| What will be the concerns 15 years from now? | ||
| Like, how much more invasive is it going to get before we even recognize that it's happening? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because this is something, the listening in on things, is something that people didn't think about before it happened. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now they know it does. | ||
| Well, the face recognition thing is there's a lot of articles on that and how that we don't realize. | ||
| Well, the China thing totally makes sense, right? | ||
| Especially if so many people's phones use face recognition software. | ||
| Samsung phones have it. | ||
| My Galaxy Note 9 has it. | ||
| iPhones have it. | ||
| And you're psyched about it. | ||
| You're just like, oh, that's cool. | ||
| I don't have to put in my password anymore. | ||
| Just look at it. | ||
| Now I'm in my app. | ||
| They also have one that's an iris scanner on the Note. | ||
| The Note scans your irises. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Bro. | ||
| It's quick, too. | ||
| Looks at your eyeballs like, yep, you're you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez Louise. | |
| How the fuck do you know, man? | ||
| What does that say, Jamie? | ||
| Jamie. | ||
| I was trying to find this the first time you brought it up, but I know that there's these masks that exist that are, in quotes, like hyper-realistic masks that can be used to, I don't know if it's, this isn't used to help the facial recognition, but I think people are using them to trick it and do fake stuff, and like, you know, I don't know if you could commit a robbery with that on, and it's just like having a ski mask on now, they just can't see your face, but it'll think something. | ||
| Right, if you had a hoodie on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What about a minority report? | ||
| Remember when they had to pull his eye, they were selling eyeballs on the black market for the eye scan to get into buildings and stuff? | ||
| All you would have to do with that is put like a bandana around your mouth, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So no one could see your mouth moving. | ||
| Have that thing on. | ||
| And sunglasses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But even my iPhone gets through my sunglasses, which I don't know how the fuck it does that, but it definitely does it. | ||
| But it's facial recognition. | ||
| But what I'm saying is with this, if you wanted to rob someone and have something, even the facial recognition software would legitimately think you were somebody else. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| Hopefully, for when we're doing our crime. | ||
| Yeah, when we're trying to rob someone. | ||
| Or hopefully not. | ||
| Are you guys criminals? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's kind of happened. | ||
| But it's so fast, too. | ||
| I mean, you know, this is so new. | ||
| Also, the special effects technology that allows people to make faces. | ||
| Look how beautiful those things look. | ||
| They look so close to a person. | ||
| You can buy these for $200. | ||
| You can buy one? | ||
| We should do it. | ||
| Let's get one. | ||
| I'm going to get you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| I should buy you and then see if I can open up your phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bro, that would be crazy. | ||
| That would be cool. | ||
| That would be crazy. | ||
| See if it can open up your phone. | ||
| It looks super creepy, but... | ||
| Oh, that's so weird. | ||
| Ew, he looks like a demon. | ||
| Yeah, if they could add a little latex to it, it could be movable. | ||
| Wow, that looks pretty real, though. | ||
| I mean, you know, a little creepy, but that looks pretty accurate. | ||
| That's crazy accurate. | ||
| I wouldn't look twice walking down the street. | ||
| You wouldn't even think about it. | ||
| No, you'd be like, that guy has a good shave. | ||
| It's a beautiful person. | ||
| His skin's so smooth. | ||
| Yeah, he's like a baby's bottom. | ||
| So poly. | ||
| What? | ||
| It was started off that'smyface.com and it's now been switched to whatever this is. | ||
| You're me. | ||
| Surveillance. | ||
| That's just creepy. | ||
| Do you guys know, is there a problem with doing any of those 23andMe ancestry things? | ||
| You're going to have your DNA, bro. | ||
| The government. | ||
| The Illuminati is going to check your fucking spit. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Is it bad to do? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Should they not do it? | ||
| What are they going to do with it? | ||
| Are they going to clone me? | ||
| Who cares, bro? | ||
| If they want your DNA, they can get it just by touching your clothes, getting a hold of your stuff. | ||
| They can get a hold of you. | ||
| They can find out all sorts of stuff from hair samples, behind hair. | ||
| If you drink a Starbucks and then they grab your cup, they can get a DNA sample off your cup. | ||
| Someone can get your DNA sample. | ||
| Right, so it doesn't really matter. | ||
| So if I want to find out if I'm Greek or Italian. | ||
| I should find out. | ||
| I should find out. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty comprehensive. | ||
| Have you done it? | ||
| Yeah, I've done it. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| It gives you a lot of other weird stuff too, like that you might have certain genes for certain proclivities, even including lactose intolerance, propensity to alcohol. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Alcoholism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Super athletes have certain muscle genes. | ||
| You should find out if you have those genes. | ||
| Like power athletes. | ||
| Like almost an extraordinary number of ones that are successful in certain sports. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A type of gene. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it gives you all this or you have to specify that? | ||
| It gives that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a really detailed report. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really detailed and covers all sorts of different categories. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It's cool too and you find out like weird stuff, you know. | ||
| What part of Europe your parents were from. | ||
| Maybe you have some Asian in you you didn't know you had. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| It makes you really think, to get here, in 2019, what had to happen with all the people in the past, and if you keep going back, I have a little bit of Asian in me. | ||
| I think it was like 1% or something like that, but I'm thinking, where'd that come from? | ||
| Where was that? | ||
| Is that why you like jiu-jitsu? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think a lot of people just like jiu-jitsu, bro. | ||
| Is that why you like sushi? | ||
| I don't think it's that Asia. | ||
| I think I'm from a different Asia, but I don't know. | ||
| I think, you know, if you could really... | ||
| So somebody, though, went through Asia, hooked up with somebody. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But what I'm saying is, I think that if you look at what technology was available, like 200 years ago for finding Ancestry, people didn't even know if that was their kid 50 years ago. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| 50 years ago, you had to guess, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, maybe they had paternity tests 50 years ago, did they? | ||
| Like, just trying to find your roots, like, back in Italy, you just have to go find, like, Town Hall and see if there's a book with your great-grandfather's name in it. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, you didn't even know if your dad was really your dad, if your mom was a hoe. | ||
| Well, I knew that. | ||
| I knew that. | ||
| Around sixth grade, I figured that out. | ||
| But if you wanted to know a hundred years ago, if you were the father of someone's child, you had to look at the kid and go, the kid looks like me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or convince yourself that the kid looks like you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or convince yourself the kid just got your wife's features, but it's still your kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| But now you can actually get DNA tests done. | ||
| And be like, ooh. | ||
| You know what the coldest, hardest shit is? | ||
| When you find out that it's not your kid, but you still have to pay child support. | ||
| Because you've been paying child support. | ||
| And you still have to? | ||
| If the DNA confirms that he's not? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It's in different states. | ||
| There's different rules. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But I believe that's how it is in California. | ||
| And I believe that's how it is in several other states. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| Where if it turns out the young lady had strayed. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And caught some side dick. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Hey! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Woo! | ||
| Gotta go! | ||
| And you gotta keep paying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| You have to keep paying. | ||
| Even if you do a DNA test and you find out the child's not yours, I think once you have started paying, unless you might have to go to court and duke it out, but I don't think your payment obligation stops just because it's not your kid. | ||
| Oh, and what a weird shift, too. | ||
| If, like, you think it's this kid and you're supporting him, then to be switching your head like, no, I'm not going to help him anymore. | ||
| They didn't have testing, really, until the 80s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Until the 80s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It's a whole new world. | ||
| Whole new world. | ||
| Eek. | ||
| The OJ trial was one of the first ones. | ||
| People didn't really even believe it, remember? | ||
| That's kind of how he got off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you're right. | |
| That's right. | ||
| And they started to see us saying that they didn't know how to handle the samples. | ||
| Well, there was some funkiness with that, too. | ||
| Stepping all over it. | ||
| They didn't believe the one-in-a-trillion kind of numbers they were passing out. | ||
| Well, I think overzealous, aggressive people Like, police and detectives. | ||
| I think that's common. | ||
| I think that's as common as... | ||
| Did you see that fucking video? | ||
| Trying to make it happen. | ||
| The Tesla sentient mode. | ||
| Did you see that shit? | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, Tesla has a sentry mode and it caught some politician back in his Escalade into a Model 3 scuffing it up, getting out, looking at it, trying to rub it out, and then taking off. | ||
| And they called him up because they could see his face in the video and they knew who it was because this guy had been like a kind of prominent We're good to go. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bonk. | ||
| Right into the Tesla. | ||
| This is the side camera that's always recording. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just backed his stupid car into it. | ||
| That guy just doesn't know how to drive. | ||
| He might have been drunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, look at him. | ||
| He gets down, looks at it. | ||
| Alright, we don't have to... | ||
| Well, he tried to fix it. | ||
| He's in deep shit. | ||
| He tried to fix it. | ||
| The fuck he did. | ||
| He denied it when they called him. | ||
| Oh, they did? | ||
| Yeah, and apparently that guy had already been to jail for something else. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're dirty. | ||
| Yeah, he, uh... | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| He might be. | ||
| That's hard, man. | ||
| I bumped into someone's car once and I left a note with my phone number and my address. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Not my address, my phone number and my name. | ||
| And they called me up and they just so happened to be very good friends with someone who I was friends with. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And then he calls me up and he tells me, dude, you hit my friend's car. | ||
| And he tells me, that's them. | ||
| I go tell them to call me, man. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was noble. | ||
| Well, it wasn't bad, but it was something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it was like it was a little scuff on the bumper. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I was like, oh, thank God I left a message. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I felt like such a piece of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, exactly. | |
| I was hanging out with my friend and he was like, man, some fucking asshole hit my friend's car and took off. | ||
| You believe that shit? | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Bro, that's bullshit. | ||
| And now cameras have everybody doing everything. | ||
| So you'll always get busted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When do you think it's going to be where... | ||
| You have a Tesla. | ||
| You know what those things do. | ||
| When do you think it's going to be where no one's driving? | ||
| How many more years? | ||
| Well, where a lot of people aren't driving. | ||
| 20. Yeah, I would say 20 to 30. You remember when Priuses were a joke? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone had a Prius, like, get that fucking stupid thing away from me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or even the early Tesla, the Roadster. | ||
| Like, do you know that Top Gear, you know that British show Top Gear? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Here's what's crazy I found out. | ||
| They did an episode where they pretended that the Tesla Roadster died on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| was that they wanted it to die. | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| Apparently, the way the show is made, it's like a comedy show, and it's scripted, so they can get away with doing something like that. | ||
| So Elon Musk sued them, and I think he lost. | ||
| Believe it or not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| Because they don't claim to be... | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They don't claim to be factual, and they don't claim to not have narratives that they create. | ||
| That's so gross. | ||
| Pull that up, just to make sure that I'm not... | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| It's pretty gross. | ||
| It's amazing how many shots that they take. | ||
| Elon Musk called Top Gear completely phony, and his company sued for libel and malicious falsehoods. | ||
| A judge dismissed the suit in October, saying no viewer of the program could have reasonably compared the Roadster's performance on the track to a real-world performance on the street. | ||
| That seems fuzzy. | ||
| I don't know what that means. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, what is... | ||
| 2012, that was. | ||
| What is the case... | ||
| He said... | ||
| What Elon Musk said was that they faked it. | ||
| And they claim the power... | ||
| Tesla... | ||
| Okay, let's see what it says so we can figure out. | ||
| I think... | ||
| I'm pretty sure that's the story. | ||
| After Tesla dropped the car off, Elon Musk claimed that one of his employees was along for the delivery notice that a script for the episode, inside there was a segment about the Tesla breaking down. | ||
| But that was only the tip of the iceberg. | ||
| Top Gear claimed that the Tesla Roadster ran out of power while driving after just 55 miles, much less than the 200 miles quoted by Tesla, albeit it was being driven hard, a claim that Musk said was untrue. | ||
| According to him, the Roadster's logs showed that the car had never dipped below 20% charge during the entirety of the filming. | ||
| The clip followed with the Roadster's motor overheating, which wasn't addressed by Musk, and finally a brake failure, which Musk claims was instead a blown fuse and not an equipment failure. | ||
| Battery-powered electric cars will soon die altogether, former Top Gear host James May said. | ||
| Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Isn't it amazing? | ||
| It sounds like there was some horseshit for sure, but it does sound like there was a real brake problem. | ||
| And the brake problem was a blown fuse, which there's nothing you can do about that. | ||
| But just that, it's such a strange thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just have to attack electric cars. | ||
| Well, I think them making a script, if they had a script that said that Tesla was going to break down, they thought it would be funny. | ||
| It's a comedy bit. | ||
| It's a comedy show. | ||
| Jeremy Clarkson was fucking hilarious. | ||
| He's really funny. | ||
| Yeah, but there is definitely people that are... | ||
| Yeah, you believe a lot of the stuff that they say and the performance of the car. | ||
| I always thought it was funny, but I also saw them as experts. | ||
| Well, they kind of are. | ||
| I mean, they know a lot of shit. | ||
| They know a lot of shit about cars, for sure. | ||
| Jeremy Clarkson knows a lot about cars. | ||
| The problem is people go to them. | ||
| For advice and lap times and all that shit. | ||
| And if you're saying a car is breaking down, you engineered that into a script. | ||
| It's pretty dirty. | ||
| That is dirty. | ||
| Well, that's how Sean Hannity gets away with saying that he's not a news program. | ||
| Does he get away with that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So he's like WWE of news? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He says it's entertainment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He says that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, dude, that's hilarious. | ||
| That's why you have a little out. | ||
| We're not a news program. | ||
| We don't claim to be. | ||
| He says that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, a lot of people are coming into you thinking it's news. | ||
| But isn't he a commentary program? | ||
| Isn't that what they say? | ||
| It's not that he's news. | ||
| He says it's entertainment. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you find it entertaining? | ||
| No. | ||
| No? | ||
| You should sue. | ||
| I should sue. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You should sue. | |
| Oh, I could do that. | ||
| He says it's entertaining. | ||
| He's a liar. | ||
| It's not that entertaining. | ||
| I didn't find it entertaining. | ||
| Sue! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sue! | |
| I'm going to sue them and the Game of Thrones people. | ||
| I hate dragons! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sue! | |
| Those aren't real dragons. | ||
| Those dragons are dope as fuck. | ||
| Did you watch last night? | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| I did. | ||
| Was it good? | ||
| Spoiler alert, it was awesome. | ||
| It was awesome just to see everything. | ||
| I just want to see it. | ||
| I just was happy to see a new episode. | ||
| I'm going to be so sad when that show gets cancelled. | ||
| I'm such a dork. | ||
| You've watched it all the way up? | ||
| I'm talking about doing the prequel or the beginning of it. | ||
| That would be cool. | ||
| But they haven't. | ||
| Hey man, whoever the fucking people are that are doing it, just keep doing things. | ||
| Whoever those people that are writing and producing it and putting it together, and keep hiring those actors to play different people. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I lost my way after like maybe three seasons. | ||
| How many seasons has it been on? | ||
| Like five. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| You lost your way. | ||
| Go back and start from scratch. | ||
| I can't learn all the names of these places and the make-believe things and the whatevers. | ||
| How much do I have to know, Joe? | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know how to make bread. | ||
| Just keep making the delicious bread. | ||
| I do. | ||
| And you're doing your part. | ||
| Keep it simple. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A martini, a little bread. | ||
| A little run at the bar. | ||
| Just live your life. | ||
| A little jog. | ||
| How much? | ||
| Why do I have to? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Why do I have to control everything? | ||
| Too much. | ||
| I would like to. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| I'll catch back up with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good, right? | ||
| People like it. | ||
| So you're going to let this whole season play by without you being caught up? | ||
| I almost last night was just going to watch, just jump in. | ||
| Who cares if I lost? | ||
| Is there any show that you never... | ||
| Please tell me you gave up on The Walking Dead. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I stopped that one. | ||
| Is there any show that you haven't given up on? | ||
| That you've been steadfast? | ||
| That I... What do you mean? | ||
| That you binge? | ||
| That you still watch? | ||
| That you haven't quit? | ||
| No, there's none that I'm currently watching. | ||
| I just watched Russian Doll. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's on Netflix. | ||
| That was good. | ||
| Oh, that girl's like an assassin or something? | ||
| No, she dies every episode. | ||
| It's like Groundhog Day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, it was pretty good. | ||
| And I've seen all the big ones. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Ozark? | ||
| Ozark, yeah. | ||
| One season of it. | ||
| You didn't watch season two? | ||
| No. | ||
| Was I supposed to? | ||
| I don't know how you just shut it off. | ||
| You don't want to know what happened? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I forget. | ||
| It's already three o'clock. | ||
| It's three o'clock in the afternoon. | ||
| How did the time fly in this conversation? | ||
| Did we start? | ||
| When did we start? | ||
| 12.30. | ||
| 12.30. | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| Three o'clock. | ||
| Tell the fine people where you're at, my brother. | ||
| I am going to Boston. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where are you slinging jokes, Tom? | |
| I'm going to Northampton. | ||
| What are you doing in Boston? | ||
| City Winery. | ||
| Oh, what is that? | ||
| It's this elegant winery place. | ||
| And they have stand-up there now? | ||
| They have stand-up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Mostly bands. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Doing a bunch of those kind of things. | ||
| And it's actually a winery? | ||
| A real winery? | ||
| Yeah, they make their own wine. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| In Boston. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah, it's really cool. | ||
| My friend's honey-honey played at a winery once. | ||
| I was like, this is the coolest shit ever. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty cool. | ||
| I'm going to do Napa. | ||
| I'm going to do something up in Napa, another wine spot. | ||
| Yeah, that's where they were. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| They were up in Napa. | ||
| There's a nice theater there that I've done. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good spot. | ||
| That whole area is amazing, right? | ||
| The food there is all over the charts. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's no joke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The food is incredible. | |
| I know. | ||
| That place, they've got it so dialed in. | ||
| The wine's amazing. | ||
| The nature is amazing. | ||
| Brian Callen, we're up there with those hunting guys. | ||
| We were filming a turkey hunting episode. | ||
| And Brian Callen and I, after we went turkey hunting, these guys went back to this Airbnb they rented. | ||
| And we were like, guys, they had like hamburger and shit like this. | ||
| I go, guys, these are the best restaurants. | ||
| In the world. | ||
| In the world. | ||
| And they're right here. | ||
| Like, come on, let's go out, I'll pay. | ||
| They're like, no, we're gonna stay home, make cheeseburgers. | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| Callan and I went out like gentlemen. | ||
| We got a fine bottle of wine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| Turkey hunting and clinking fine glasses. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| And eating, you know, just delicious steak. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Incredible food. | ||
| We had a wonderful time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's certain people, they've figured it out over time. | ||
| They've got it dialed in. | ||
| Just do what they do. | ||
| Yeah, but it's good to appreciate it. | ||
| It's good to appreciate it. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| If you ate there every day, I think it would be... | ||
| No, it's a treat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's something, yeah, it means something. | ||
| And then you remember that dinner, you know? | ||
| It's not like just... | ||
| We were just mocking those guys the entire time. | ||
| Drinking wine, getting lit, talking shit, having fun. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| That's one of the coolest things about having a friend like Callan, who's just always funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Everywhere you go, you're like, come on, buddy, you're my one-man comedy show. | ||
| And then next thing you know... | ||
| He's holding a thing of wine. | ||
| Making some shit up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pontificating. | |
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He really makes me laugh. | ||
| So, website, TomPapa.com? | ||
| TomPapa.com. | ||
| TomPapa on the Instagram. | ||
| TomPapa on the Twitter. | ||
| All of those things. | ||
| My book's going to paperback next month. | ||
| Louisa's. | ||
| Yeah, it's very cool. | ||
| It's all good. | ||
| Always great to be here. | ||
| Always great to have you, brother. | ||
| You're going to give me some elk on the way out? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I got a freezer bag for you. | ||
| I brought the old freezer bag. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| Oh, beautiful. |
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