Feb. 21, 2019 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:09:02
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| And... | ||
| 3... | ||
| 2... | ||
| 1... | ||
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unidentified
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No? | |
| Yes? | ||
| Okay, it's live. | ||
| It's been fucking up a little bit lately. | ||
| How are you, man? | ||
| How are you? | ||
|
unidentified
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Good to see you. | |
| Thanks for having me. | ||
| My pleasure, my pleasure. | ||
| You brought me a nice conspiracy book. | ||
| I want you back. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I want you back. | ||
| I got bored with it. | ||
| Yeah, I get you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I just had a lunch with Eric Von Daniken. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And he's the author of Chariots of the Gods. | ||
| The last two hours we've been talking ancient aliens. | ||
| I was deep, when I was like in my late teens, I was deep in Zachariah Sitchin. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anunnaki. | ||
| Nephilim. | ||
| I'm pronouncing it wrong. | ||
| Nephilim, I think. | ||
| Nephilim. | ||
| Planet X. Yeah. | ||
| Nibiru. | ||
| All over. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of the conversation we had today at lunch. | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| The problem with someone, I mean, he's not a dishonest person, I'm not saying that, but the problem with anybody that is involved with a book like this is that you're so all in. | ||
| You're so committed to this idea. | ||
| Like I asked him, the first thing I asked him was like, what is the most compelling piece of evidence? | ||
| And He said the tablet in Palenque. | ||
| I don't know if you're aware of that one. | ||
| The one of the Aztec guy. | ||
| I guess it's an Aztec or a Mayan. | ||
| I guess it's a Mayan guy. | ||
| It's Mayan. | ||
| He's laying back. | ||
| It looks like in some sort of a throne with fire below him. | ||
| And he's manipulating these knobs and shit. | ||
| And that means that aliens landed and seeded them with technology. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they always make a little bit of a jump. | ||
| It's a big one. | ||
| That's the evil Knievel. | ||
| It's a little bit of a jump between that bird is really a symbol of a flying saucer. | ||
| I've heard that too. | ||
| I've heard that one too. | ||
| They've been like that bird. | ||
| And I'm like, well, let me ask you a question. | ||
| Why didn't they etch a flying saucer into the cave? | ||
| And they're like, well, you don't know how things work. | ||
| The more interesting ones in the art depictions, there's some really ancient depictions of people that look like they're in these flying saucer type things. | ||
| Like they're flying through the air and they're in some sort of painting. | ||
| Those are really interesting because what were they trying to say? | ||
| What were they depicting in those things? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's all very interesting, but I think you've had Graham Hancock on. | ||
| So to me, when I heard him, I was like, that makes more sense that we were just a civilization that had reached an apex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it got wiped out by some cataclysmic event. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then we had to rebuild. | ||
| But does he think that we got all of our technology from otherworldly sources? | ||
| Or no? | ||
|
unidentified
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Not really, right? | |
| Graham doesn't. | ||
| He doesn't. | ||
| Graham is much more in line with this theory that Dr. Robert Schock has been putting forth. | ||
| He was one of the weirder ones that I've had on the podcast. | ||
| First of all, because he's a rock-solid geologist. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Professor at Boston University. | ||
| Like, really well-established. | ||
| His credentials are, you know... | ||
| They're as good as it gets, and he was saying that he thinks that there was a mass coronal ejection somewhere around 12,000 years ago, and it was literally raining lightning all over the world, and it decimated the population of land mammals and people. | ||
| Is this what got the dinosaurs? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| This is way later. | ||
| I apologize. | ||
| This is like... | ||
| My bad. | ||
| This is, they think, in the neighborhood of 12,000 years ago. | ||
| They think this is... | ||
| Oh, so this is recent. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is what Graham Hancock's work indicates as well. | ||
| See, Graham Hancock and him were together on the Sphinx because Robert Schock was the geologist they brought in to examine the erosion marks on the Temple of the Sphinx. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And his conclusion was that this is the result of thousands of years of rainfall. | ||
| The problem with that was the last time there was significant rainfall in the Nile Valley was 9000 BC. So you'd have to have thousands of years before that to create these deep water-based fissures or water-created fissures. | ||
| So they're saying the Sphinx was there a lot longer than we imagined. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that coincides with a lot of these, the people that want to push back the dates of civilization, what they think is, it all points to something big happening at the end of the Ice Age. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So something big happening between 12,000 and 10,000 years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| Why don't mainstream scientists just go... | ||
| Now, I'm sure there's a reason for this. | ||
| I think there's a reason that mainstream thought leaders in any area don't allow the fringe in. | ||
| What's the big thing here with keeping these guys... | ||
| Is it that they would just have to go back and re-look at every history book? | ||
| Well, in the beginning, there was nothing, right? | ||
| So when these guys were proposing this, there was very little evidence. | ||
| But now the evidence is stacking up, and there's all these ancient structures that they're finding, like Gobekli Tepe in Turkey. | ||
| Yeah, that one's... | ||
| Yeah, once they found that one, and they realized that it was intentionally covered up 12,000 years ago. | ||
| So this is like, this is undeniable. | ||
| Everyone agrees on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so then they have to say, okay, well then hunter-gatherers must have made this, because 12,000 years ago, that's all we had was hunter-gatherers. | ||
| But it's really sophisticated construction, and it's very difficult to do, and they're enormous, and they have three-dimensional animals that are carved into them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which means... | ||
| They actually had to carve away the outside to create the animal. | ||
| Instead of carving the animal into the stone, they actually carved the stone out around the animal. | ||
| So these animals are like climbing on the outside of these stone columns. | ||
| It's really weird stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But who the fuck knows? | ||
| I lean more towards cataclysmic disaster because there's so many of them that we know for sure have happened. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Between the 165 million years ago and the Yucatan that they think killed the dinosaurs. | ||
| I was reading about the Ark Storm. | ||
| That's going to hit LA, which will just be 60 days of rain. | ||
| When's that? | ||
| It happens every 200 years. | ||
| I mean, you know, this is an article I read. | ||
| Every 200 years, LA and the area gets 60, 90 days of rain, and everybody has to move and things. | ||
| This is supposedly what... | ||
| Somebody sang. | ||
|
unidentified
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Somebody. | |
| So I'm with a bunch of panicked comedians who are all thinking about... | ||
| They're worried about the arc storm now. | ||
| It's fun to think about stupid shit. | ||
| Oh, it's the best. | ||
| It's thinking about conspiracies and Bigfoot and UFOs and shit like that. | ||
| It teaches you how to think. | ||
| When I was a teenager, I was smoking weed with my buddies. | ||
| You'd have to research these things. | ||
| You'd have to cross-reference information. | ||
| You couldn't just swallow the narrative. | ||
| You had to literally go, and then you'd have to use critical thinking to go, does this make sense? | ||
| Would this have happened? | ||
| Maybe could Harvey Oswald, would he have acted alone? | ||
| You have to think about all these things. | ||
| I do think since Trump got elected, conspiracy theorists have been demonized. | ||
| And nobody talks about that. | ||
| Well, it was always going on. | ||
| Even before that, they were being demonized. | ||
| But yeah, for sure. | ||
| Everybody's worried about the other groups, which is fair. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| The people in the cage is no good. | ||
| I'm not for any of that. | ||
| People in the cage? | ||
| Well, the kids in the cages is not good. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| The family separation at the border. | ||
| There's real stuff. | ||
| But I think that people think that conspiracy theories got Trump elected. | ||
| So now it's cool to hate conspiracy theorists. | ||
| Or people that are like, let's take another look at this. | ||
| There's so many factors that got Trump elected. | ||
| It's a perfect storm of people getting fed up with political correctness. | ||
| Someone coming along that's not a politician. | ||
| The system is so rigged that after a while you're just like, Jesus Christ, how many more of these fake puppets are we going to put in office? | ||
| I say this to comics. | ||
| I'm like, everybody's done a show where everybody goes out and bombs with their material. | ||
| And then one guy gets up and just goes, fuck this, and screams and yells and destroys. | ||
| Because that's what the room wanted the whole night. | ||
| They wanted somebody to come up and just realize how fucked everything was and how nobody was having a good time. | ||
| And that's kind of what Trump was. | ||
| Trump was the guy that came out and just riffed. | ||
| He went out there with no material. | ||
| He just went out there and riffed. | ||
| And when I heard, and I'm sure you've seen this speech, where he talks about Ben Carson going after his mother with a hammer and trying to stab his friend. | ||
| This was one of the funniest things. | ||
| He was speaking, and he was giving a stump speech. | ||
| I don't know where it was. | ||
| I think it wasn't in Iowa, but he was referencing Iowa. | ||
| And he's talking about Ben Carson's book and that Ben Carson had admitted to going after his mother with a hammer and trying to stab his friend. | ||
| I mean, these are... | ||
| And Trump is talking about it. | ||
| Me and my friend were driving out of New York City. | ||
| We were laughing so hard. | ||
| I said, this guy's... | ||
| I said, he's going to win. | ||
| I said, I'll tell you why he's going to win. | ||
| I cannot stop watching this. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I am so fixated by the idea that there's a guy like this on the national stage and he's saying whatever he wants. | ||
| There was something intoxicating about that. | ||
| A lot of the things he was saying were horrible, but he was saying them. | ||
| And then on the other side, you had Hillary Clinton who was just a scripted Well, in this case, for sure. | ||
| It was a perfect You know, polar opposite between him and her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, no experience versus vast amounts of experience. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| No real experience in the real world versus vast amount of experiences. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there was a lot going on between the two of them. | ||
| It was... | ||
| It's a bad way to choose how the world runs. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It's very bad to look at candidates and go, who's the most entertaining? | ||
| Well, it's also a bad idea to have one person, right? | ||
| It's a bad idea to have this same system that was in place back when there was fucking, you know, a thousand people here. | ||
| But I think we really don't, like we have one person that seems like we have one figurehead, but we have kind of this permanent political class of people, a nexus of powerful institutions where you have career politicians, career diplomats, career military service people that kind of don't leave. | ||
| So I think that's one of the reasons that we haven't changed the system is because one person can't ever do that much. | ||
| Even though Trump is wild and crazy and he's done a lot of bad things, I don't think he would be allowed to deviate from many of the policies that his predecessors had kind of established. | ||
| I think that the American government – and that's why the term like the deep state, which a lot of people ridicule. | ||
| It's an undeniably true thing. | ||
| I mean, our policies are not just one guy gets into office and he goes, here's how it is. | ||
| I mean, it's the result of a lot of private corporations lobbying, forming an agenda in a non-democratic way. | ||
| They're not accountable. | ||
| And a lot of these people that work at the CIA or the FBI or the NSA, a lot of them are appointed. | ||
| They're not elected. | ||
| We have no oversight. | ||
| We have, I think it's 22 intelligence agencies now. | ||
| Is there really that many? | ||
| I mean, it's something absurd. | ||
| How many could you name? | ||
| FBI, CIA, NSA, probably DEA. Is DEA an intelligence agency? | ||
| I wouldn't say it's an intelligence agency. | ||
| They probably have intelligence capabilities, I would imagine. | ||
| FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA. Yeah, the DIA, Directorate of Intelligence, the Pentagon. | ||
| I mean, I don't know if that's an entire agency, but I think it has capabilities. | ||
| But we have all of these different, I don't know if it's 22, but it's a lot. | ||
| And they're all competing with each other, too. | ||
| They're all competing because they all want money. | ||
| They all want a budget. | ||
| They all want... | ||
| And that's the thing. | ||
| People talk about the deep state. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Look at them all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at these guys. | ||
| Here they are. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Here are all the people that are listening. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| We're going to be excited. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fucking space troops. | ||
| Now we have space troops. | ||
| Space force. | ||
| That's going to be good. | ||
| And why not? | ||
| Why not a space force? | ||
|
unidentified
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Why not? | |
| Well, eventually, right? | ||
| Eventually you're going to have to have it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, yeah. | |
| So why not have it now? | ||
| I don't know what the National Geospatial Intelligence thing does. | ||
| They can't be any more relevant than Space Force. | ||
| Click on that one. | ||
| National Geospatial Intelligence Agency. | ||
| They can't be any less important than the Space Force. | ||
| What? | ||
| Who the fuck knows? | ||
| How many people are working there? | ||
| Employees, 16,000. | ||
| 16,000. | ||
| Look at their motto. | ||
| Scroll down a little bit. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| No earth, show the way, understand the world. | ||
| What? | ||
| Founded in 96. Clinton probably did it. | ||
| It's probably where he keeps his chicks. | ||
| Right, but this is what I mean. | ||
| What the hell are these people doing? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| 16,000 employees with their motto, know the earth, show the way, understand the world. | ||
| That sounds like on a yoga studios, you know? | ||
| I mean, it's absurd. | ||
| But they get billions of dollars to do whatever. | ||
| Listen... | ||
| Put that back up there with the description. | ||
| Look at what it says there. | ||
| It's under the United States Department of Defense, an intelligence agency of the United States intelligence community with the primary mission of collecting, analyzing, and distributing geospatial intelligence in support of national security. | ||
| Which is what? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| What the hell is geospatial intelligence? | ||
| I mean, this is what I mean. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| And if you ask a question, if you go, well, what do these guys do? | ||
| People yell at you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't know? | ||
| You're a conspiracy theorist. | ||
| And you don't know this? | ||
| I just want to know what geospatial intelligence is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's probably something simple, and now I'm going to look like an idiot. | ||
| It says its intelligence about the human activity on Earth derived from the exploitation and analysis of imagery and geospatial information that describes, assesses, and visually depicts physical features and geographically referenced activities on the Earth. | ||
| I mean, this is... | ||
| I think that's how we would know that North Korea has a bomb site. | ||
| Is it satellites? | ||
| Satellite imagery? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| Well, there's probably a satellite agency, too. | ||
| I think we've uncovered a scam. | ||
| I think we've uncovered a pretend agency that nobody... | ||
| There's a guy right now panicked in the geospatial. | ||
| 16,000 other employees going, shit, we're going to have to find a real job. | ||
| We're going to have to find a real job. | ||
| We've been studying shipping docks from space. | ||
| Yeah, we just got outed. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's just... | ||
| We just got outed on Rogue and it's completely... | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| That girl is not really there. | ||
| That is an actress. | ||
| 100% that's an actress. | ||
| But this is what I mean. | ||
| If you look into this stuff, it starts to get crazy. | ||
| The amount of people that are doing things we have no idea what they're doing. | ||
| I mean, 10... | ||
| I just did a private gig at the Bethesda Country Club in Maryland. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| It's, you know, I'm still doing private gigs, sadly. | ||
| But you gotta, you know, it is. | ||
| Gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| Gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| I go to the Bethesda Country Club, Maryland. | ||
| It's the entire 10 counties around Washington, D.C. are the wealthiest counties in the world. | ||
| I mean, in our country. | ||
| And it's not because they're selling crab cakes. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's all defense industry, Raytheon, DynCorp, things you've never heard of. | ||
| And it was a good gig. | ||
| They were funny. | ||
| I got up and I was like, what are we? | ||
| Are we carving up Venezuela? | ||
| They all laugh. | ||
| They're all clapping. | ||
| They're into it. | ||
| You know, they liked it. | ||
| Some people get mad. | ||
| I was like, I said last week I did a fundraiser for human trafficking victims. | ||
| This week I'm with the traffickers. | ||
| You guys are a lot more fun. | ||
| And they're clapping. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They're leaning in. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| Leaning in. | ||
| They're, you know, they're morally compromised. | ||
| Well, they also hired a comedian to fuck with them. | ||
| Yes, that's a good point. | ||
| I mean, they expected it. | ||
| It's not like it came out of nowhere. | ||
| Well, you know, I mean, it's like, so that's the thing. | ||
| It's like, Trump bad. | ||
| But I don't know what the geospatial people are up to. | ||
| I don't want to throw my hat in with geospatial intelligence. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what that means. | ||
| I mean, maybe we need it. | ||
| But listen, again, two stand-up comedians talking about what the world needs. | ||
| Yeah, it's not great. | ||
| It's fucking terrible. | ||
| It's not great. | ||
| I've been trying to stress this more than ever because of the fact that I have a microphone and people are listening. | ||
| Don't fucking pay attention to me, okay? | ||
| I am not right. | ||
| Well, the best thing is... | ||
| Well, listen, you don't know. | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| I might be right, but I'm definitely not an expert. | ||
| The best thing is if you go on Twitter and a comedian will tweet something really, you know, it's like, we're living in fascism. | ||
| And they get like 400,000 likes. | ||
| And then the next tweet, have you ever seen this? | ||
| They go, and while you guys are here, check out my web series. | ||
| And you go, if we're living in fascism... | ||
| You can't have a web series. | ||
| You can't have a web series. | ||
| And do I have the time to luxuriate in your web series? | ||
| Or should I start arming myself to overthrow the government? | ||
| I look at my phone, I'm like, which way should I go? | ||
| But that's all they do. | ||
| They go, by the way, while you're here, I have a Patreon. | ||
| We're doing a project. | ||
| I'd like you to throw a few bucks there, but we're living in fascism. | ||
| Well, the signal-to-noise ratio... | ||
| In terms of people tweeting, it's almost mostly noise. | ||
| Oh, it's noise. | ||
| There's a few people that are great. | ||
| You can follow a few people that are really posting about real news. | ||
| There's four. | ||
| There's some journalists. | ||
| There's 17 of them. | ||
| I think journalists are maybe the best people to follow on Twitter right now, it seems like. | ||
| But the problem is, who's a journalist? | ||
| There's very few. | ||
| Real journalism takes a long time. | ||
| It's expensive. | ||
| Like, real investigative journalism, and I've had some of these guys on my podcast, they come on, they go, they've ruined their life, they spent five years looking into something nobody cares about, they figured out it was true, and now nobody wants to talk to them. | ||
| They love white hair, their families hate them, they live in a little apartment in New York City. | ||
| That's a journalist. | ||
| Well, sometimes people do journalism right, and they do spend a long time working on a project, and it's in something like the New York Times, and no one cares. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| Like the thing about Trump, like the report on Trump, the scathing report they thought was going to bring him down, literally it was in and out of the news cycle in a day or two. | ||
| Yeah, they don't care. | ||
| That guy just pops an extra Adderall and doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He doesn't care. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| He is the only guy that should ever write a motivational self-help book. | ||
| He's the only one with the secret. | ||
| Whatever the secret is, he's got it. | ||
| I think it's speed. | ||
| You think it's speed? | ||
| You think he's really... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Might be getting... | ||
| I think it's speed. | ||
| I think he's on something. | ||
| I mean, I think this is the only way that it makes sense to me that a 70-plus-year-old man has that much energy. | ||
| A guy who doesn't exercise, eats fast food, and he's fucking bouncing off the walls, and he can campaign for days and days and days. | ||
|
unidentified
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He's great. | |
| Just slamming KFC double downs and filet of fishes. | ||
| Let me ask you this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How often do you think he gets his dick sucked? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| And who's doing it? | ||
| Great question and not asked enough. | ||
| Probably not that much. | ||
| I don't think a guy like that is driven by sex. | ||
| I don't get that. | ||
| Maybe he does. | ||
| Melania seems to be not into it as much. | ||
| She seems a little upset with him. | ||
| She seems a bit cold. | ||
| But she's Slovenian or something? | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| They're cold. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a broad generalization. | ||
| They're white, so I can generally say what I want about them, Joe. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Let me say what the hell I want about Eastern Europeans. | ||
| Can I not have Slovenians? | ||
| You can. | ||
| Okay, thank you. | ||
| She's cold. | ||
| Well, I think she's a little annoyed with them. | ||
| I mean, it's been very humiliating for her. | ||
| Well, they had the best life. | ||
| Yeah, up until he ran for president. | ||
| I mean, imagine telling his kids, he's like, I know you got world billionaires. | ||
| You'll party every day. | ||
| You do coke with impunity at some New York City nightclub. | ||
| When you're bored of that, you go to Europe, do it on a boat. | ||
| When you're bored of that, you go to some orgy in Athens. | ||
| That's all done. | ||
| But we're going to Canton, Ohio. | ||
| And I'm giving a speech. | ||
| And you can stand there, and every camera and every news reporter is going to watch every move you make for the rest of your life. | ||
| They're going to crawl up your ass with a microscope, too. | ||
| Yeah, and everyone hates you. | ||
| Yeah, and some of them might be going to jail. | ||
| I mean, we really don't know what's going on with this Mueller investigation. | ||
| Well, I think it's going to be disappointing. | ||
| Everybody's preparing us for disappointment. | ||
| Everybody has prepared us for disappointment. | ||
| Yeah, CNN is actually saying that, that don't expect much. | ||
| It's like when you get a report card and you tell your parents, you're like, no, I've changed, but I'm still me. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm still the guy who gets high before he goes into school and was caught smoking by the priest. | ||
| Like, I used to get caught smoking weed by the priest who was driving into my Catholic school and he would drive me to the school. | ||
| So I would be like, yeah, I've made some changes. | ||
| But I'm still very much that person that you guys raised. | ||
| So that, I think, is what the Mueller report is. | ||
| It's going to be like... | ||
| Trump... | ||
| The thing about Trump is he's corrupt. | ||
| He's a con man. | ||
| You know, he... | ||
| This whole wall... | ||
| There is no wall. | ||
| The wall's not coming. | ||
| Little links. | ||
| The wall's not happening. | ||
| There's some wall. | ||
| There's no wall. | ||
| There's people with signs that they finished the wall. | ||
| But this part... | ||
| This part of a wall... | ||
|
unidentified
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There's more of a wall... | |
| There's more of a wall around houses in Bel Air than there is at the border. | ||
| Well, you know, it's a smaller area, Bel Air. | ||
| Yeah, and there's probably more of a reason to have a wall, you know? | ||
| And the people that run Bel Air are probably more serious. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, there's definitely something to that. | ||
| You know, I don't know about this whole wall thing. | ||
| I really feel like it was one of those campaign slogans that he got stuck with, you know, build that wall. | ||
| And then once he got in, he's like, oh, Christ, I really got to build this fucking thing. | ||
| It's a slogan someone whispered into his ear. | ||
| You think? | ||
| Ann Coulter probably said, get out there and say, build the wall. | ||
| And he goes, that's good. | ||
| And then he just went out there, build that wall. | ||
| I love one of the speeches. | ||
| He doesn't really build things. | ||
| He lends his name to be franchised. | ||
| Yeah, he definitely does that. | ||
| The things he's built are disgusting. | ||
| If you go to Atlantic City, walk into any building he has built. | ||
| Chris Hedges wrote a book. | ||
| He's an interesting guy. | ||
| He wrote a book called America the Farewell Tour. | ||
| And he goes, he went to Trump Tower in Atlantic City. | ||
| He goes, there's junkies in the bathrooms. | ||
| There's like rats running around. | ||
| He's falling apart. | ||
| And he's like, that's kind of what America will be. | ||
| But no, anything he's built is not nice. | ||
| Did you watch it? | ||
| There was a documentary about an architect called Costas Karyanis. | ||
| And a lot of the documentary is about him convincing Trump to not make his building gold in New York City. | ||
| Is it gold in New York City? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| But it's gold in Vegas. | ||
| It's gold a lot of places. | ||
| But he was going to ruin the downtown of Manhattan with a gold building. | ||
| Why is that ruining it, though? | ||
| A gold building? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| You've spent too much time on the West Coast. | ||
| But why is that bad? | ||
| Why is it bad for it to be one color? | ||
| Is it better if it's all black or it's all white or it's silver? | ||
| New York has a look. | ||
| It has a feel. | ||
| You can't come in with a gold building. | ||
| It's not Vegas. | ||
| It's not Atlantic City. | ||
| This is not Reno. | ||
| Like Mandalay Bay. | ||
| What goes on in a gold building? | ||
| I've never looked at a gold building and said, I bet what goes on there is honest and decent. | ||
| Gold buildings should be for doing coke and losing money. | ||
| That's what it's about. | ||
| You don't walk into a gold building and get a checkup. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's a very good point. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| It's gaudy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's disgusting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, gaudy is a weird thing, right? | ||
| Like, who's that good for? | ||
| Like, when you go to a place and it's got opulent chandeliers and gilded, you know, furniture. | ||
| It's for sociopaths who sacrifice human beings. | ||
| That's the way they want to live. | ||
| They want to live in a palatial, opulent environment and then just, you know. | ||
| I think Matt Taibbi said this. | ||
| He said that Trump is a poor person's idea of a rich person. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That's what a poor person thinks about a rich person. | ||
| They think, oh, he's got his name on his jet. | ||
| He's got his name on his building. | ||
| The guys I grew up with in Long Island, if somebody went to them and said, hey, you could own the Miss Universe pageant. | ||
| You could have a building with your name on it. | ||
| You could be in the WWE. That would be amazing. | ||
| You'd be a winner. | ||
| They would be a winner. | ||
| Where I grew up in Long Island, that is the highest you can go. | ||
| So I think that's kind of what it is. | ||
| See, that's also what's appealing about him. | ||
| What's appealing about him is there is no veneer. | ||
| You don't get the idea that you're being played. | ||
| You get the idea, you know you're kind of being played, but you're being played on a level that you accept. | ||
| It's like when you go buy a car and you know the salesman. | ||
| I used to be in sales, so when I'll go to buy something, sometimes I know the salesman needs the sale, because I used to. | ||
| So sometimes I'll be like, yeah, whatever. | ||
| It is what it is. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| That's kind of, with Trump, you know you're being sold, but you're okay with it. | ||
| You let it happen. | ||
| What do you think is going to come after him? | ||
| It seems like he's throwing a giant monkey wrench into the gears. | ||
| If Twitter is any indication, a prolonged civil conflict... | ||
| Where some will emerge as a few different nation states. | ||
| We'll barter with each other. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe Joe Biden and then nothing. | ||
| He's got no chance. | ||
| Who's coming? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| She's got no chance. | ||
| Bernie they hate now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They hate Bernie now? | ||
| A lot of people hate Bernie. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I missed it. | ||
| Some guy on his staff was accused of sexual assault. | ||
| Oh, and now they hate Bernie because of that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a rapist. | |
| Well, you know that's what happens. | ||
| Bernie's out. | ||
| He's a white, straight male. | ||
| He doesn't get it. | ||
| He doesn't get it. | ||
| Plus, he has like two houses. | ||
| Yeah, he's worth like $300,000. | ||
| You know? | ||
| That offends people. | ||
| It does. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How'd you get that money? | ||
| Off the backs of poor people? | ||
| Yeah, in a country, by the way, where people make that in an hour on YouTube, you know? | ||
| Some people do. | ||
| Some people. | ||
| Logan Paul and all those guys. | ||
| Those guys, you know. | ||
| You see people in LA. I'll see a kid in LA on a skateboard. | ||
| I'm like, he's a millionaire. | ||
| He owns three houses because he's a YouTube live streamer. | ||
| Yeah, he's probably playing video games on Twitch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything my parents told me to do, go to school, all that has impoverished my generation. | ||
| Everything they told us not to do, which is play video games, watch TV, get high, is making people billionaires. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, they were wrong. | ||
| They were definitely wrong. | ||
| The boomers were wrong about everything. | ||
| Well, they didn't see this coming. | ||
| They didn't see this craziness coming. | ||
| They didn't see anything coming. | ||
| You know what concerns me is the rise of people that think that everyone owes them something. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That's the weird one. | ||
| We were talking about AOC. She seems like a nice girl. | ||
| Good looking woman. | ||
| She's young. | ||
| She's got energy. | ||
| She wants to do good things. | ||
| She wants to do some good ones. | ||
| But I saw the one thing that said, give money to people who are unable or unwilling to work. | ||
| Yeah, that's not... | ||
| I saw that and I'm like... | ||
| That's not going to work. | ||
| Well, it's not. | ||
| And they pulled that out. | ||
| They pulled that part out. | ||
| The unwilling part. | ||
| And unable to work makes total sense. | ||
| You know, as a community, we should take care of the people who are hurting. | ||
| Most of the people I know in comedy are unable to work. | ||
| Most of us. | ||
| Most of us. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is the only thing we can do. | ||
| But her thing was a weird one because that thing unwilling to work, it's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| You just crossed over into Crazy Town. | ||
| But that means that Crazy Town was always in the back. | ||
| You always had that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you put that on paper, that means this is something that's been discussed. | ||
| Part of the appeal, and she just, I don't know how influential she was in getting Amazon to drop out of New York. | ||
| But I live in Queens, so everyone was paranoid Amazon was coming. | ||
| I was in a bagel, I know carbs are not good, but I was in a bagel shop. | ||
| I gave up dairy two weeks ago. | ||
| I'm turning it around. | ||
| I was in a bagel shop. | ||
| It was paranoid about Amazon. | ||
| Amazon's going to come. | ||
| We're all going to get priced out of our little shoeboxes that we live in. | ||
| Or some of the people that own those shoeboxes were like, I'm a millionaire now. | ||
| Because Amazon's coming. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| It's hard to have a rational discussion about inequality right now. | ||
| Because in a place like New York City, it's so expensive to live. | ||
| And the reason for that is that it's a destination for foreign capital. | ||
| So essentially, a lot of the buildings in New York City, foreign people buy apartments. | ||
| They don't live in them. | ||
| They use it to launder money. | ||
| And they buy them, not even under their real name, they buy them under the name of a shell corp, like an LLC. And And then they have these investments, and it really makes everything insanely expensive. | ||
| That's what's making everything insane? | ||
| That's what's making a lot of real estate in New York City expensive. | ||
| If you've got to guess, what percentage of expensive apartments are owned like that? | ||
| I'll tell you, between 2008 and 2014, I think 50% of apartments going into contract were... | ||
| Because I do a show, but I used to be a double-decker tour guide in New York City. | ||
| And so I do a show, like a funny comedy show where I take, I sell tickets, I put people on a tour bus, and then we'd go around to these buildings and just scream at these buildings. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It should be illegal. | ||
| But it's fun. | ||
| And no one cares because they're not home because they're somewhere. | ||
| I mean, if you look at who owns these buildings, it's a guy who like, is maybe a guy who owns a mining company and he poisoned a river in Zambia. | ||
| A lot of these guys are doing things they shouldn't be doing and they want to stash their money in real estate. | ||
| London is more expensive than New York because London is all essentially shell corporations, these phantom buyers buying up real estate in London, in New York. | ||
| So you have people in New York that know the system is fucked. | ||
| They know the market's being artificially manipulated. | ||
| Bloomberg thought it was great. | ||
| Bloomberg goes, we want all the billionaires. | ||
| He said it. | ||
| That was his quote. | ||
| We want all the billionaires. | ||
| It's like, some of those billionaires have done things that would keep you up at night. | ||
| Boomer's like, bring them in. | ||
| They eat shrimp and steak. | ||
| They'll go to Peter Luger's. | ||
| Bring them in. | ||
| We love them. | ||
| We want all the billionaires. | ||
| He's just thinking of it as a businessman, right? | ||
| Well, that's the thing. | ||
| So people get fed up with this. | ||
| And dude, when I had my tour bus, people would get on from regular places like Pennsylvania, and I would just point and go, 10 million billion. | ||
| 20 million. | ||
| 30 million. | ||
| And these people just shift uncomfortably in their seats. | ||
| Like, what the hell's going on here? | ||
| I saw Trump getting elected during those tours. | ||
| Because I'm like, $100 million! | ||
| And they're sitting there like, what? | ||
| I can't afford a knee operation. | ||
| Well, the idea that Trump's not a part of that is even more crazy. | ||
| Well, listen, his building was a huge destination. | ||
| He is. | ||
| Russians love his building. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They love a brand name. | ||
| They love the plaza. | ||
| They love his building. | ||
| And a lot of interesting characters lived in Trump Tower. | ||
| Didn't they take the Trump Tower name off of it? | ||
| In New York? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, I don't think so. | ||
| There was one of the buildings where the people that owned the co-op decided to take the name off of it. | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| There's a lot of shitty, like, Trump nursing homes, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| As you drive into New York. | ||
| You know those nursing homes? | ||
| You know those elderly people are getting beaten. | ||
| It's hard to say. | ||
| Joe, you know they're getting fleeced and beaten. | ||
| You go by, you see Trump Pavilion. | ||
| It's like a Soviet-era architecture, horrible old-age home that's been there since the 70s. | ||
| And I'm like, man, I feel for the people in there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The screams? | |
| Another New York condo votes to remove Trump from name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| New York City condominium on Thursday will remove President Trump's name from the building's facade. | ||
| The second time in four months his name has been removed from a condo in the city. | ||
| 55% of Trump-placed condo owners at 120 Riverside Boulevard in Manhattan voted in favor of removing the large sign above the front door. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| These are self-important people. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| They're worried about their investment. | ||
| Oh, that's a good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think if you try to sell it and it's Trump Place, you're going to eliminate 50% of your buyers. | ||
| The dictators that are buying those apartments think it's great. | ||
| They probably don't. | ||
| Maybe they don't. | ||
| Maybe they're like, you know what? | ||
| Maybe you're right. | ||
| We'll probably go down the street to this no-name building and we'll be better off. | ||
| But a lot of his condos were sold to mafia and Russian business guys. | ||
| I mean, he's always had that, you know, he did deals. | ||
| There was this firm located in Trump Tower called Bayrock Financial, which was a, it was headed by this guy, Felix Sater. | ||
| Felix Sater was a guy who the FBI had convicted in like a Russian pump and dump stock scam. | ||
| And he worked in Trump Tower with Trump. | ||
| Like he worked very closely with Trump and Felix had like informed, I think on the Russian mob for the feds and the feds kind of let him earn. | ||
| So Trump has had this labyrinth of shady connections forever. | ||
| And I don't know if that means that he's – I don't think he's an asset of Putin or anything like that. | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| I think that's kind of just – I think a lot of people would like to believe that. | ||
| But he's a shady guy. | ||
| So if you have all these people pouring over his business deals for the last 50 years, it can't be good. | ||
| There could be an amazing movie about him. | ||
| Oh, there will be. | ||
| Yeah, and who would play him? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| Hopefully not a white man. | ||
| Christian Bale. | ||
| Let him get fat, just like he did with Dick Cheney. | ||
| If he can play Dick Cheney, he can play Trump. | ||
| He can play Trump. | ||
| He was a great Cheney. | ||
| I heard. | ||
| I haven't seen that movie yet. | ||
| I heard it was amazing. | ||
| You know, the movie, like a lot of people, the movie was good. | ||
| It was not, you know, the big short to me was amazing. | ||
| I don't think it was as good as that, but... | ||
| Christian Bale is phenomenal. | ||
| He's a phenomenal actor. | ||
| I mean, to gain that much weight, to become another person, that's the whole thing with Jussie Smollett. | ||
| It's like, all these actors are sociopaths. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're all sociopaths. | ||
| Watch his Good Morning America interview and try not to laugh. | ||
| Well, now it's crazy when he said he's the gay Tupac. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| He fought back and hit those guys. | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| What crisis PR firm is telling him to do that? | ||
| The gay Tupac? | ||
| No one's telling him to do that. | ||
| This is all... | ||
| This is... | ||
| Bridget Phetasy said it best. | ||
| She said this is like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's good. | |
| She's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She said this is what happens when you let actors write the script. | ||
| Well, that's true. | ||
| You see the plot twist coming a mile away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's true. | |
| I had dinner the other night. | ||
| I was in LA and an actor was at the table and he was talking and I'm like, I don't know who this guy is but he's not even the person he is at this table. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Like he... | ||
| He's trying out a person right now. | ||
| Have you ever been in that situation? | ||
| I don't know who he is, but he's not this guy. | ||
| He doesn't know who he is either. | ||
| He has no clue. | ||
| He's just a good-looking guy that's vapid. | ||
| He's full of nothing. | ||
| He wants to get famous. | ||
| ASAP. And they say things that other people are saying. | ||
| Here's one. | ||
| Good to see you. | ||
| When they meet you, they say good to see you because they might have met you and they don't want to forget. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I've said that before. | ||
| Nice to meet you. | ||
| They're like, actually, we met before. | ||
| I'm like, fuck. | ||
| Sorry, dude. | ||
| And they'll ask in a very strange way. | ||
| They'll be like, what's going on? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what's up? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| They want to be fed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to be fed information. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like, what's going on? | ||
| And I'm like, well, you know. | ||
| A lot of projects. | ||
| A lot of crazy shit, bro. | ||
| Guest spotted flappers. | ||
| A lot of things happening. | ||
| Because they're always trying to move. | ||
| That's the thing about LA. New Yorkers just pound yourself into the ground until you get funny. | ||
| That's kind of what New York is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The New York scene? | |
| The New York scene is like... | ||
| Do 57 shows a day. | ||
| Give up on your life. | ||
| Don't speak to your family. | ||
| They're losers. | ||
| They're holding you back. | ||
| Go hard. | ||
| LA is like, make a friend, have lunch, see what happens. | ||
| I talk to some of the people out here, and I'm like, what's the plan? | ||
| I get nervous for them. | ||
| I'm like, what's the plan? | ||
| They're getting high. | ||
| It's midday. | ||
| I'm like, okay, it's Wednesday at 2. They're like, we just had a meeting. | ||
| I'm like, what'd you do? | ||
| They go, we're talking about starting a podcast. | ||
| I'm like, that's not a meeting. | ||
| You're just friends with someone else. | ||
| Yeah, you're talking about stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's nothing. | |
| That's not a meeting. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| It does work here. | ||
| And there are people that I know who've made the right friend and then their life changes. | ||
| Yeah, there's a little of that. | ||
| But those people are super transparent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And if you don't have any talent, that's never going to catch. | ||
| No, it'll never work. | ||
| And then everybody resents you. | ||
| There's a few of those people that really don't have any talent, but they made the right friends and they cling on to folks and everybody gets real uncomfortable in that realm. | ||
| Well, that was the thing. | ||
| I think the first time we spoke is I'd written that thing about Louie and after Louie's, the whole news, but Louie happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love that piece, by the way. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It was so accurate and honest. | ||
| Yeah, it was on Facebook, which is where I did a lot of my best work. | ||
| Explain what you were saying to people that didn't read it. | ||
| After Louie, a lot of people were rightly criticizing conduct and the whole Me Too thing. | ||
| That's all valid and 100% needs to happen. | ||
| But then there were people that were like, you know, Louie was never funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of course he got all these things. | ||
| He was a white guy. | ||
| And I'm like, wait, what? | ||
| And they were like, well, he said this word I don't like. | ||
| Well, look at this joke. | ||
| And I'm like, guys, a week ago, he was a comic genius. | ||
| We all agreed on that. | ||
| That was a widely held belief. | ||
| Now, out of nowhere, he's not that funny. | ||
| And these people are tweeting this from parking lots where they're performing. | ||
| Some of these shows in LA are in someone's driveway. | ||
| Which is fine. | ||
| I do them. | ||
| I have no problem with that. | ||
| But they're getting on Twitter and knocking Louie from the back of a parking lot where they're doing a show. | ||
| The reason you gave for why they're doing it. | ||
| Because in any industry, people are going to get ahead by being agreeable, by having the right opinions, by crowdsourcing their opinions, by taking the temperature of the room and going, how does everyone feel? | ||
| And those people are, you know, they're careerists. | ||
| They're very good at office politics. | ||
| They're very good at having the right friends. | ||
| But their contributions are never really important or long-lasting because they never get great because they don't take any risk. | ||
| Because I think greatness is something you have to risk constantly to get to that level. | ||
| So a lot of these people do very well, they make money, they're successful, but they are careerists and they're looking for comfort. | ||
| So when it was comfortable and safe to attack Louis and to bring Louis down and to elevate themselves, they did it. | ||
| But they didn't do it when it could have hurt their career a week earlier. | ||
| So to me it was very disingenuous and the fact that more people weren't calling it out. | ||
| And I made that point where I said the same thing on the other side of people who've styled themselves like I'm a free speech warrior. | ||
| I'm this anti-PC and their whole entire persona is the need to say the N-word. | ||
| They're like, I can't do a joke if the punchline isn't fag. | ||
| They're like, we have to. | ||
| So those to me are kind of the same people. | ||
| And they're the people that are just trying to arrange the world in a way that allows them to succeed. | ||
| Those are the types of people. | ||
| Also, like you were talking about the actor, they're putting on a facade. | ||
| Yeah, this is not who they are. | ||
| They've adopted a predetermined pattern of behavior. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And that predetermined pattern of behavior might be, I'm a guy, I drink every night, we go hard, I'm an artist, I smoke cigarettes, I don't give a fuck, I'm not trying to get on TV. Yeah, so to me it was incredibly disingenuous. | ||
| You had all these people, and a lot of them are angry and they're doing fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of these people have their own shows, and they're getting angry at Louie, and they're getting angry, and I'm like, there's a real... | ||
| Because here's the thing. | ||
| Artie Shafir told me something that made a lot of sense once. | ||
| He goes, it can really be a waste to get into this type of business and end up in an office writing for a show you don't care about, in a job you hate. | ||
| Punching a clock. | ||
| And that stuck with me. | ||
| And I always think it might be harder to go the other way and to build a fan base and to do what you want, but it's going to be better in the end. | ||
| And you're not going to be angry. | ||
| You're not going to be resentful. | ||
| And I think a lot of the people that were, again, shitting on his comedy, not so much his behavior, but his comedy, are people that would want more in this than they have. | ||
| And they're resentful at guys like Louie because it's not fair how talented he is. | ||
| Well, it's not just how talented he is. | ||
| It's his work ethic. | ||
| There's a lot of factors. | ||
| The risks that he does take. | ||
| I mean, he says controversial things. | ||
| He always has, whether you agree or not. | ||
| Like, one of the things about the Parkland thing, you know, when he got in trouble about, you know, saying that all he did was push some fat kid out of the way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is so consistent with his material. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| The idea that anybody's saying, like, oh my god, he's punching down, like... | ||
| You need to go review his material again, because he said a lot of risky shit because it was funny, and he had really good points about it. | ||
| Now, is that something that I would joke about? | ||
| Probably not, but he did. | ||
| You wouldn't joke about fat people? | ||
| Yes, I would. | ||
| But I don't think I would joke about kids getting shot. | ||
| It's a tough take. | ||
| To make funny, but that's why... | ||
| But I think he could... | ||
| I think, honestly, you're dealing with, first of all, the embryo of a bit. | ||
| I mean, he's really only been doing stand-up again for a couple of months, and back then it was even less. | ||
| And I think, ultimately, his idea, that bit, rather, is that kids today, like, they want to be a they and a them, and they have 78 different genders, and why am I... Why are you interesting? | ||
| You're interesting because you didn't get shot? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That is his take on it. | ||
| And he probably, with overall reaction and anticipation of reaction, probably would have eliminated that part of the bit. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And you know what I'm saying? | ||
| You know how it works when you construct... | ||
| I think part of it is too, I was attracted to comedy because of guys like Bill Hicks or Patricia, the things that those guys said you could only say on a stage if you were really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what I love about comedy. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| That doesn't mean that everyone has to love that. | ||
| There's people that love it for a million different reasons. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But I love, when Bill Hicks got up and he said, I was for the war but against the troops. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's still, to me, one of the most amazing jokes I've ever heard. | ||
| When he goes, we had a war in the States. | ||
| I was in the unenviable position of being for the war, but against the troops. | ||
| Yeah, he's like, all those men living together? | ||
| Yeah, he's like, I just don't like young people, or whatever. | ||
| It's just great. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you couldn't say that in a human resources meet. | ||
| You couldn't say that in an office. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You couldn't say that if you were out to lunch with a bunch of people, probably. | ||
| You couldn't get away with that, unless you were really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But these guys have gotten so funny and they've perfected their craft to the point where they can get away with these things that the goal is to elicit laughter. | ||
| You're not going to change your mind, but the goal is to make you laugh about something that's dark and horrible. | ||
| That's what I love about comedy. | ||
| Yeah, it's some of my favorite material. | ||
| Some of my favorite material is fucked up. | ||
| It's wrong. | ||
| You probably shouldn't have said it, but it would make me howl loud. | ||
| Have you seen Holtzman? | ||
| No. | ||
| You never seen Brian Holtzman? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| A store? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I should check him out. | ||
| How long are you in town for? | ||
| I'm in town for a little while. | ||
| I leave early March for a wedding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, great. | |
| I'm coming back like a week, a month now. | ||
| Well, he'll be here. | ||
| I'm sure he's here either Friday or Saturday because he doesn't really do the road. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He mostly just does the store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't even think he does other clubs. | ||
| I think he just does the store. | ||
| He's just there. | ||
| When I started in 94, he was coming up. | ||
| He was there at the store in 94. Wow. | ||
| And he was already there when I got there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I was like, whoa, this guy's gonna be huge. | ||
| And for whatever reason, he never left. | ||
| He just does the store, but he's a legend. | ||
| But it's the best room. | ||
| I mean, I just did a few guest spots there, and I'm like, oh, this is the best room in the cunt. | ||
| Like, I wouldn't leave either. | ||
| I'm like, this is amazing. | ||
| Yeah, but you gotta leave. | ||
| Like, I'm doing the improv tonight, or I did the improv the other night, and I'm doing the improv tomorrow night. | ||
| I mix it up, and I did the Ice House last night. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mix it up. | ||
| I think you have to, but it's the best room in the world. | ||
| Is he one of those guys who does this stuff where you're like, I can't believe I'm laughing? | ||
| When Susan Smith drowned her kids, remember that? | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| He got on stage that night, and he's like, ladies and gentlemen, I heard those were bad kids. | ||
| I heard they sat that close to the TV. They never put away their blocks. | ||
| They constantly spilt their fucking milk. | ||
| Those kids would not be missed. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| We were like, Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Mitzi Shore would not let him go on stage after 9-11. | ||
| She would not let him go on stage. | ||
| She told him he could stay home. | ||
| She's like, you're on the bench, kid. | ||
| How long? | ||
| For like weeks. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He got benched. | ||
| She's like, don't let him on. | ||
| He got benched after 9-11. | ||
| By Mitzi Shore! | ||
| Oh, that's great. | ||
| By Mitzi Shore, who would let you get away with fucking anything. | ||
| Yeah, that's so wild. | ||
| She was like, no, no. | ||
| And this is pre-social media, too. | ||
| She wasn't worried about a tweet storm. | ||
| No, no, that's so funny. | ||
| She was like, you can't let him up. | ||
| I love pre-Twitter to not let someone up. | ||
| It has to be so egregious. | ||
| He's a fucking animal, man. | ||
| That's awesome now. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| Those are the things you laugh the heart. | ||
| I always look at it as like when I was going through a Taco Bell drive-thru in 11th grade and we were all stoned. | ||
| You would make jokes. | ||
| Nobody in the car would ever go, that's too much. | ||
| If they did, get rid of them. | ||
| They're done. | ||
| No one means that. | ||
| We would say horrible things about each other's families. | ||
| My mother's a schizophrenic. | ||
| We would make fun of my mother, you know? | ||
| And it was great. | ||
| I still do. | ||
| If someone in your family is mentally ill and you're not making fun of them, it's your problem. | ||
| The difference is between East Coast and West Coast comedy is that West Coast comedy, they hold that carrot of a sitcom or hosting The Tonight Show or something like that above your head. | ||
| We have health insurance. | ||
| It's always there. | ||
| East Coast comedy is just be funny. | ||
| Be funny until you die. | ||
| Be funny and mean. | ||
| There's a lot of meanness. | ||
| And it gets cold in the winter. | ||
| It's cold and mean. | ||
| But you know what I like about West Coast comedy, too? | ||
| It's a lot of performing. | ||
| Because the rooms are big. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The venues are big. | ||
| East Coast rooms are a little smaller, so you have a lot of writers. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I love the performing style, so I kind of like seeing people in the store with big acts. | ||
| Yeah, there's not a lot of room to move. | ||
| Like if you're at the stand or- The cellar or something. | ||
| They're a little small. | ||
| Yeah, they're tight little rooms. | ||
| You can't move around on stage. | ||
| There are some great performers in those rooms that rock out in the smaller environment. | ||
| But when I was in the store, I was like, oh, there's huge rooms. | ||
| Big performers, and that's awesome. | ||
| Especially the main room. | ||
| The main room is amazing. | ||
| Giant stage. | ||
| Yeah, it is interesting. | ||
| Those really small, intimate rooms in New York, they lend themselves a lot to talking to the crowd. | ||
| And being sharp, and having really sharp bits that hit. | ||
| And that's why you've got to go everywhere, because when you go on the road, you want a little bit of everything. | ||
| You want to be able to perform, and you want to have sharp jokes, but you've got to be able to do crowd work. | ||
| Yeah, I started out in Boston, and Boston was always... | ||
| No one has a long attention span. | ||
| Everybody wants you to do the jokes quick, and if you start bombing, you're not going to recover. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Nobody recovers in Boston. | ||
| It's tough out there. | ||
| Once you start eating shit, they're done with you. | ||
| Bobby Kelly would tell me stories about the rooms he came up doing. | ||
| They are rough rooms. | ||
| Yeah, we came up together. | ||
| Bobby and I did a lot of road gigs together. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So is that like, what area of Boston? | ||
| Is that like outside of Boston? | ||
| Yeah, we did a lot of the Dick Daugherty comedy huts out in the middle of fucking nowhere. | ||
| That sounds great, though. | ||
| Worcester. | ||
| Oh, they were great. | ||
| They were Aku Aku's, which is like a Polynesian restaurant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they would have comedy hut. | ||
| I did one of the 15 minutes Netflix specials. | ||
| I went the next day, two days later, I went to a room in Massachusetts outside of Boston and I bombed so bad. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| I was like, well, this is why the funniest people in the world come from this state. | ||
| Where was it? | ||
| Do you know where you were? | ||
| Where was I? I forget. | ||
| It was a, I don't want to say the actual show. | ||
| Who booked it? | ||
| Who did book it? | ||
| This guy booked it. | ||
| He knows exactly. | ||
| He'll probably tweet me or something. | ||
| But it was in... | ||
| God! | ||
| It was outside. | ||
| It was like 20 minutes outside. | ||
| It was in... | ||
| Not Hingham. | ||
| It was somewhere. | ||
| And it was not good. | ||
| It was just a bar. | ||
| It was a circular bar. | ||
| And I got up. | ||
| And nobody was like... | ||
| In the middle of my set, a woman, a drunk woman started yelling at me. | ||
| And then I yelled back at her. | ||
| And then it was okay. | ||
| Because we yelled at each other for 20 minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That was the show. | ||
| What did she yell? | ||
| I think it was something... | ||
| You're not funny, you fat fuck! | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Something that was justified at that moment in the set. | ||
| When I went back at her, I was like, listen to me, you fucking animal. | ||
| And then it was great. | ||
| And then they perked right up. | ||
| And then the material worked after that. | ||
| Sometimes it's exciting when something like that happens. | ||
| Like, finally! | ||
| It was the Trump moment. | ||
| It was the moment where people sat up in their chairs and were like, okay, we can, you know. | ||
| When I was living in Boston, you could make a living and not leave. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| You could stay in Boston, and you could go 20 minutes here, 30 minutes there. | ||
| You go to Andover, you go to Hingham, you go to Framingham. | ||
| You go to all these different places, and you can do gigs. | ||
| And, I mean, you wouldn't get rich, but you could pay your bills and never leave town. | ||
| And so there was so much comedy. | ||
| There were so many rooms. | ||
| Like, Barry Katz had a bunch of rooms, and the Comedy Connection had a bunch of rooms, and Mike Clark had a bunch of rooms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what really got you really strong. | ||
| Yeah, because you're mostly doing these hell gigs. | ||
| You're doing these hell gigs everywhere. | ||
| And so when I came to New York, what got me was that everything was small. | ||
| There were small crowds, small stages, and you would do a short amount of time. | ||
| And I was like, ooh, I don't like this that much. | ||
| It was like a showcase set, like 15, 10, 15 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, because I was doing middle sets. | ||
| I'd do a half hour. | ||
| And then if I was headlining, I'd do 45 minutes. | ||
| Come out to Long Island. | ||
| It's an approximation of Boston. | ||
| They're wild folks. | ||
| Oh, I did a lot of gigs in Long Island. | ||
| A lot of gigs in Long Island. | ||
| The benefit of the doubt is non-existent. | ||
| Yeah, when I got out there, Eastside Comedy Club was there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| That was back in the day when Jenny was still around. | ||
| I remember, I tell this story all the time, but it's so crazy. | ||
| People forgot how goddamn good Richard Jenny was. | ||
| He was there one night. | ||
| He did four different hours on Friday and Saturday. | ||
| So he did two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. | ||
| Four completely different hours. | ||
| And the opening act and the... | ||
| Who the fuck was it? | ||
| Who the fuck was the MC? He was a friend of mine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Peter... | |
| Goddammit. | ||
| Peter Boyle? | ||
| Peter Bales? | ||
| Peter Bales. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Glasses? | ||
| Yeah, good dude. | ||
| Older guy? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He was younger back then. | ||
| This was back in the Disney day. | ||
| But he was just shaking his head like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| The guy did four different hours. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I remember I was just barely starting out. | ||
| I was sitting back going, what the fuck? | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| How does a man do four different hours? | ||
| He didn't repeat a premise. | ||
| He didn't repeat a punchline. | ||
| And he crushed. | ||
| And this is one weekend? | ||
| One weekend. | ||
| Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. | ||
| He was a genius, man. | ||
| He was responsible for so many people's acts, too. | ||
| He would tighten up people. | ||
| He worked a lot with Rock. | ||
| Worked a lot with Chris on the road. | ||
| Helped him with his specials. | ||
| Was he from Boston, Jenny? | ||
| No, he was a New York guy. | ||
| I think he was from Brooklyn. | ||
| He was fucking amazing, man. | ||
| But that was Eastside Comedy Club back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, it's good. | ||
| Those rooms are like Governors and Brokers. | ||
| I like those rooms because you go out there and if you're funny, you're funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'll kill. | |
| And if you're lacking or if you're a bit half done... | ||
| They'll let you know. | ||
| They'll let you know. | ||
| They paid the money. | ||
| They'll let you know. | ||
| You'll hear it audibly. | ||
| But that's good. | ||
| You need that. | ||
| That's why Colin Quinn builds his shows there, and they're amazing. | ||
| And his new show is great. | ||
| Red State, Blue State. | ||
| Did he build it out there? | ||
| I don't know if he did this one, but he built a lot of his shows out there because he goes out there and he says, if it's good, they're really going to let you know. | ||
| So it's where a lot of comics will go and test, similar to those rooms in Boston. | ||
| You really test. | ||
| You get coddled a little bit in New York City and L.A. You get coddled, so you've got to go out there to somebody who doesn't give a shit. | ||
| That's the people who are like, listen, I'm either... | ||
| Those people out there don't choose to laugh. | ||
| They laugh or they don't. | ||
| You go to Echo Park, they choose. | ||
| They sit there and they go... | ||
| Or they'll go like this and go, no. | ||
| Like in their face, you'll see it. | ||
| They'll be like, no. | ||
| Out in those areas, like Long Island, it's an instinctual, guttural laugh. | ||
| Yeah, it's not... | ||
| Yeah, the thing about, like... | ||
| Laughter when you're choosing to laugh in here and there. | ||
| It's so pretentious. | ||
| It's not fun. | ||
| It goes back to that example of growing up, you're making people laugh. | ||
| Who the hell's choosing to laugh? | ||
| What psychopath is sitting there going, huh? | ||
| Also, they're mostly in the business. | ||
| A lot of the audience is in the business. | ||
| The whole thing is the business. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| The entire thing is agents who are like 22 years old. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They're like embryos to so young, the agents. | ||
| And agents and managers, for the most part, excluding mine, who I love, but agents and managers, they're rich kids who can't do tech or finance. | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| There's quite a few. | ||
| Let's be honest. | ||
| These are rich kids whose parents go, hey, can you do something? | ||
| Because I don't want to look at you anymore. | ||
| And they're not going to get a job at Jollibee. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they're going to go get a desk at UTA or CIA or WME. And most, I mean, everyone needs one, too. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| You're not going to negotiate on your own. | ||
| You're going to do a terrible job. | ||
| If you negotiate your own gigs... | ||
| I will take any amount of money to do anything. | ||
| I mean, I'm horrible at negotiating. | ||
| I was bad in sales, sales didn't work, and now I'm here. | ||
| You know, apparently Bill Murray doesn't have an agent or a manager. | ||
| He has an answering machine. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And people call him up, and they make him offers to do things, and he'll listen to those messages and go, hmm, I'll do that one. | ||
| And he just goes and does it. | ||
| Well, if you're a legend like that, I guess you can do that. | ||
| He can do whatever he wants. | ||
| What an interesting system. | ||
| No, I need an agent to blackmail people. | ||
| CIA-level blackmail to get me into rooms. | ||
| Well, the thing is, it's not just that. | ||
| You need someone to actually do the talking for you to get gigs. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Or to negotiate your money or to do your air travel. | ||
| She'll call me and she'll be like, they wanted 85 shows over the weekend. | ||
| I got them down to six, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I'm like a newer comic. | ||
| So if they want nine, seven shows, I do it. | ||
| Yeah, I'll do it. | ||
| Do you get when you do... | ||
| What, five shows on Saturday? | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| Do you do three shows on Saturday night? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Three at the same club? | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| Those are weird. | ||
| That third show, you don't know what the fuck you already talked about. | ||
| The third show's not even comedy anymore. | ||
| I don't know what is happening. | ||
| I don't know what's happening at that point, but it can be really fun. | ||
| The third show, a lot of times, is people, the audience is people who've been asked to leave other venues. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So they're drunk and walking by the club, and they go, and their friend brings them in. | ||
| This is literally, I've heard, I've literally spoke to somebody, I'm like, why are they here? | ||
| And they were going, well, we were asked to leave, and they saw it, and they just saw the lights, and they like lights. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So we brought them in, and now you're talking about, you know, frozen yogurt or whatever, and they're, you know, but it's nuts. | ||
| The third show's crazy. | ||
| What's the latest set you can get in New York City these days? | ||
| Oh, you can get like, I think it's like a 245 or something. | ||
| You can get something crazy. | ||
| 245! | ||
| Maybe it's 230, maybe it's two, you can get something really late. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| People are up. | ||
| Who the fuck is there at 245? | ||
| There's people. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's it like? | ||
| It ain't, I mean, I think it's pretty good depending on the night. | ||
| Like a Saturday night, 245. Probably great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I mean, listen, as it gets louder, it gets, yeah, I think the cellar's the latest, I think. | ||
| But as it gets louder, I mean, as it gets later, people get drunker. | ||
| I used to do Dangerfields. | ||
| That's still there. | ||
| Yeah, and we used to do prom shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you ever do the prom show thing? | ||
| I'm not a prom show act. | ||
| This is what they do with the prom. | ||
| If a bunch of kids are sitting there and I walk out on stage, it's a bad prom. | ||
| Well, it's always a bad prom. | ||
| Those prom shows are terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what they do is, they don't, back in the day at least, they didn't change the crowd. | ||
| So you would go out, like say if there's like four comics on the lineup, there's an MC and three other comics, and then there's the next show, it starts all over again. | ||
| MC, same three comics. | ||
| The audience is there, so they want you to do the exact same act so that the kids will leave. | ||
| Because they have no account of the kids. | ||
| So the buses pull up, and they're just stuffing these kids in there, and they're hoping that if you do the same bits, the kids will get bored. | ||
| And they got mad at me, because I'm like, look, I'm not doing the same material. | ||
| I see the same faces. | ||
| It's boring. | ||
| Yeah, I'm only doing a 15-minute set. | ||
| I go, I have more material. | ||
| I'm going to do other bits. | ||
| And they're like, you've got to do the same jokes. | ||
| We're trying to get these people out of here. | ||
| I'm like, how about just grab them? | ||
| Just get them out of here. | ||
| Yeah, just light a fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But we would do them until 5 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| Dangerfield, the last time I was in Dangerfield, there was four people in a room. | ||
| Two couples. | ||
| The waiter's about in his mid-80s. | ||
| It's dark, and I'm performing in front of a piano. | ||
| It's one of those nights where you go... | ||
| You know, this was a choice I made to get into this business. | ||
| But there's something haunting about that room, and it was actually fun. | ||
| I'm just entertaining two couples. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| I did one couple once at Dangerfields. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's right. | |
| There was no show. | ||
| I had a 9 o'clock spot. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| There's never a show. | ||
| I had a 9 o'clock spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got there at 845. The comics are sitting around the bar. | ||
| I go, what's going on? | ||
| They're like, there's no one here. | ||
| I go, there's no one here? | ||
| And then right when I said that, this couple walked up. | ||
| And Bobby, who was the doorman, who was this fucking Scottish powerlifter guy, he was like 5'10 and 5'10 wide. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| I saw him grab a kid by his neck at one of these prom shows and pick him up by his neck and carry him out of there. | ||
| But anyway, he was this tank of a man. | ||
| He was always fucking hilarious and ruthless on the comedians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You gotta try that bag of shite you call a fucking act. | ||
| And anyway, these people walk in. | ||
| He's like, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dangerfields. | ||
| Come on, run in. | ||
| And he brings him in and these people walk into his empty room and sit down. | ||
| And they're like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, the lights come on, and then the MC comes out, and they sat through all of us. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I was like, you know, fourth on the lineup or something like that. | ||
| I did my fucking 15 minutes in front of these two people. | ||
| And they were into it. | ||
| They were great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were great, but it was weird. | ||
| Those shows, what's good about those shows- They build you. | ||
| Well, they let you know what's bullshit in your act because you feel embarrassed saying it. | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
| Yeah, it feels clunky coming out of your mouth. | ||
| Right, especially to three people. | ||
| Well, things are always clunky. | ||
| When it's a small crowd, they're really clunky. | ||
| When you're working on material, every time I have a premise or even if I'm fucking telling a story, a lot of times as I'm starting to tell the story, the beginning part is a little fucking clunky and maybe I'm saying something the wrong way and it doesn't make total sense and then eventually it catches on. | ||
| If you do that in front of two people... | ||
| They're like, "What are you doing?" Yeah. | ||
| The best story about Dangerfields was there was a guy who walked in once. | ||
| I was sitting in the bar area. | ||
| He had a Rodney Dangerfield doll. | ||
| And he walked in, he goes, "Listen, I've had a business for 10 years up the block. | ||
| We found this doll. | ||
| I'm moving to wherever he was going." He's like, "We're closing up shop. | ||
| Here you go." I thought you might like it. | ||
| And then the guy took it. | ||
| He said to the owner, he said, there was no speaking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He just showed him this doll and then the owner just pointed and then the guy carried this Rodney Dangerfield doll down the stairs and just put it in like storage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it was the darkest moment. | ||
| It was just such a dark moment to sit there, silent, just, the owner went, meh, and pointed, and the guy just took this Dangerfield doll, and he walked it down into, God only know, the Phantom of the Opera, whatever the hell goes down under that club. | ||
| But yeah, that's a real, that's like the oldest club in the country. | ||
| How's it still open? | ||
| That is a great question that the FBI would probably want to look into. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Because everybody's got that same story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was there 25 years ago. | |
| 25 years ago, there was no one there. | ||
| I mean, that fucking show that I'm telling you about, that was 25 years ago. | ||
| There's never been anyone there. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They make money off those prom shows, though. | ||
| They were packed. | ||
| It's like a great joke about Nanette that my buddy Nick Mullen, who's an amazingly funny comedian, said he's like, Nanette, no one's seen it. | ||
| It's just a trailer. | ||
| Like, no one's seen Nanette. | ||
| It's just a trailer. | ||
| And everyone's like, it's brave. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's my number one. | ||
| And it's just a trailer. | ||
| It literally doesn't exist. | ||
| So maybe, I don't know, but it's one of those rooms in New York that's kind of haunting. | ||
| Yeah, it's a strange place. | ||
| Did you ever listen to The Day the Laughter Died? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's Dice Clay's double album that he filmed there with no audience. | ||
| No one knew he was coming. | ||
| He had no material. | ||
| Zero. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| He just started talking about shit and ad-libbing things. | ||
| And he was as big as a fucking comedian could be at the time. | ||
| And he called it The Day the Laughter Died. | ||
| Rick Rubin produced it. | ||
| No, I've heard of it, but I didn't know it was... | ||
| Fucking brilliant and terrible at the same time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Some guy gets up in the middle of a set and he goes, you're about as funny as a glass of milk. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What a polite heckle. | ||
| What an old-fashioned heckle. | ||
| I've never heard that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Usually people are like, shut up, faggot! | |
| You're about as funny as a glass of milk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's lovely. | |
| Yeah, some guy from Connecticut or something like that, you know? | ||
| And he got mad. | ||
| He got mad at Dice. | ||
| And, you know, Dice is just shitting on him and shitting on everything. | ||
| Dice probably just destroyed him. | ||
| Well, it was destroying him, but I'm telling you, he wasn't even trying. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was like he was at some crazy place in his career where he just decided to do a set where he's bombing. | ||
| Do you ever think of doing something like that crazy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| You never think of just going crazy and doing something completely... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm just trying to do... | ||
| First of all, I would feel bad. | ||
| I can't do something bad on purpose. | ||
| Because then people... | ||
| If I do something bad, like, ladies and gentlemen, if you hear it and it sucks, I fucked up. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I made a mistake. | ||
| I didn't do it good. | ||
| I didn't put it together right. | ||
| It's trial and error. | ||
| Sometimes it's an error. | ||
| I'm not going to do anything bad on purpose. | ||
| But he was so big and no one had been that big before. | ||
| You have to realize no one had done arenas before him. | ||
| Right, he was the first arena comic. | ||
| The first. | ||
| And a fucking hundred of them. | ||
| He would do them all over the country. | ||
| And he just had enough, for whatever reason, of fucking everybody loving him. | ||
| And he's like, fuck you! | ||
| I love that. | ||
| He just went out and said, fuck it. | ||
| Double CD. It's great. | ||
| Like a Broadway show. | ||
| Like a live album recording of a Broadway show. | ||
| Hours of no material, just rambling, talking about stuff, punchlines that don't make sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| He's just out there doing whatever he wants. | ||
| It's fucking great to this day. | ||
| It's one of my favorite comedy albums of all time. | ||
| I'll listen to it every now and then for like 15 minutes in my car and just go, what the fuck? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Is it all at Dangerfields? | ||
| Yes, all of it. | ||
| All of it at Dangerfields. | ||
| No one knew he was coming. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when they saw him, they're like, holy shit, it's Dice Clay. | ||
| There's probably 20 people in the crowd. | ||
| They were so excited. | ||
| They probably did it on a Tuesday or some shit. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| That's amazing though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| To me, that type of stuff I like. | ||
| I like that type of stuff because to me, it's the raw essence of what this is. | ||
| I found out about it from another comedian named Mike Donovan, a hilarious guy from Boston. | ||
| And he was crying, laughing, describing it. | ||
| And describing this bit that Dice was doing about Nixon eating ass. | ||
| He's like, oh, I love to eat ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I eat that ass. | |
| Give me that fat fucking ass. | ||
| And he was doing this... | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It was so ridiculous, but for whatever reason, Mike Donovan was... | ||
| Tears were coming out of it, so he couldn't breathe as he was describing it. | ||
| I was like, God, I gotta listen to this fucking thing. | ||
| Well, Dice is one of those guys, when you watch him, you're like, this guy can just talk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's funny. | ||
| Well, he's going to be interesting. | ||
| He's been around for so long. | ||
| And, you know, to me, he's always represented to me my childhood. | ||
| Because when I was like 19 was the first time I listened to his cassette in my car with my girlfriend. | ||
| And we were just crying and laughing. | ||
| I couldn't believe how funny he was. | ||
| Is that what made you... | ||
| Is he one of the guys where you were like, I want to start doing stand-up? | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| He was definitely one of them. | ||
| Him and Kinnison. | ||
| Him and Kinnison. | ||
| And Pryor, but Pryor was... | ||
| See, I remember watching those guys and then watching Pryor and like, God, Pryor was so smooth. | ||
| He was so personable and vulnerable. | ||
| He was something different because he was vulnerable. | ||
| He would talk about his life and his problems and all these different things about being addicted to drugs. | ||
| It was so intelligent but vulnerable and honest and the timing was so good. | ||
| He was such a master. | ||
| I remember we were watching... | ||
| It was me and my roommates at the time. | ||
| We watched the Kinison special, and then we watched Richard Pryor. | ||
| And my friend, who was never a comedian, never even thought, he goes, that fucking guy's the best. | ||
| He's just the best. | ||
| And we were both in agreement, like, yeah, he's just better. | ||
| It's just the way he did it. | ||
| And this is, you know, we're talking like 1988. Sure. | ||
| So it was still fairly fresh, and Pryor was still alive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was just different. | ||
| He was like the first, I mean, obviously Lenny Bruce was the first really honest comedian, or one of the first honest social commentators, and then Carlin. | ||
| But Pryor took it to a weird, personal place where you were rooting for him. | ||
| He was the most personal of all of those guys, because the Hicks and Carlin were famously not personal. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And Pryor was personal. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Personal and, you know, he would, like, emphasize humanity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, you would emphasize, like, loving each other and being kind to each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, that was a thing for him. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| But, you know, my parents took me to see Live at the Sunset Strip when I was a little kid. | ||
| Oh, you saw it the actual... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I saw it in the movie theater. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| In the movie theater. | ||
| And that was probably the big seed. | ||
| That was the impact, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because I couldn't believe how funny this guy was just talking. | ||
| I remember looking around the theater and these people were falling out of their chairs laughing and I'm like, I can't believe this guy is just talking. | ||
| And it's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, because all these movies that I'd seen that were really funny, there was a bunch of things happening and explosions and fucking stripes. | ||
| But this was not that. | ||
| Yeah, I saw Eddie Pepitone tape his special a few days ago at Dynasty Typewriter, and he's one of those guys who's so funny and so electric that you have a room full of, you know, the type of people we're kind of talking about. | ||
| You're more button-up, you know, more of that kind of alternative crowd. | ||
| They were barking and howling at how funny he was. | ||
| And some of the things he said, the first thing he does, he grabbed the microphone and he's like, I'm on Molly! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The whole room just exploded. | ||
| He's one of those dudes I watch and I'm like, man, intensity is just raw power. | ||
| Yeah, he's such a nice guy, too. | ||
| He's a great dude. | ||
| If you know him, you root for him. | ||
| He's a sweetheart of a guy. | ||
| And an odd guy. | ||
| I don't know any other Eddie Pepitones. | ||
| No, that's what makes him so great. | ||
| He's like, this is an experience. | ||
| To me, the best comedy, I think, is a comedy where you go, oh, I'm having an experience now I can't have again. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I can't have this again. | ||
| Right, especially a live show. | ||
| Yeah, I can't go down the block and see this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not a steakhouse. | ||
| It's the same in every city. | ||
| Right. | ||
| This is a fucking unique human individual that's having this experience at this moment, and I'm lucky to be here with him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, live shows, man. | ||
| There's something about it that it's so hard to translate. | ||
| When you did your Netflix post, you did one of the 15-minute ones? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They're doing a lot of those, which I think is a good move. | ||
| They're doing 4,000 to 5,000 Jawa. | ||
| It's a great move. | ||
| It's a great move to have everyone have a special, I think. | ||
| My mother's doing one. | ||
| It's very exciting. | ||
| You don't even have to do comedy to have a special anymore. | ||
| No, you can just sit in a car and talk. | ||
| That's my next submission tape will be me speaking in a car going through an In-N-Out. | ||
| Well, Bill Burr's videos of him driving around in his fucking Prius just talking about the funniest thing in the world. | ||
| Funnier than most specials. | ||
| The Netflix thing was a lot of fun, but here's the reality. | ||
| I watch it back and I'm like, it was funner in the room. | ||
| It's just one of those things. | ||
| I bet Bring the Pain was better in the room, even though it's amazing. | ||
| You watch that and you're like, this is the highest heights of anything. | ||
| Yeah, that's why when someone makes you laugh really hard on a special, like, God, imagine what it would have been like being there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, comedy is an act. | ||
| One of my friends always says, comedy should be seen live. | ||
| And listen, there's something different about a smaller venue. | ||
| Like when people go see you at the store, there's something different than seeing you in a theater. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| The level of intimacy. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Seeing you work stuff out, seeing you in the moment. | ||
| There's something different about that. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I like a 150 to 300 seat room. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| But I also like 11,000 seats too. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| It's fun in a weird way. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| And if you can make those people feel like it's intimate, you can. | ||
| You can treat 11,000 people the same way you treat the main room. | ||
| I like a 500 seat room that's filled with about 80 people. | ||
| That's good too. | ||
| Because there's low expectations. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| I like a big room full of a very small amount of people. | ||
| And they can sit back and get really drunk and not worry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can relax. | |
| Send all the waitstaff home. | ||
| Shut off most of the lights. | ||
| Yeah, there's something going on when you're doing a live performance that no one's ever really quantified. | ||
| It's some kind of mass hypnosis or something. | ||
| It's an energy transfer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because I was an actor for when I was a kid. | ||
| I was six years old to 12, I was an actor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| So your parents' idea? | ||
| It was my idea, Joe. | ||
| Really? | ||
| When you were six? | ||
| Yeah, it was great. | ||
| I knew it great. | ||
| Got your cabaret license? | ||
| Yeah, I was on Sesame Street twice. | ||
| Were you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real? | |
| Oh, legit. | ||
| Was it really your idea? | ||
| Yeah, I pointed at the TV and said, well, unless my parents are lying, because I don't remember, and they are liars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So they needed money also. | |
| They said, I pointed at the TV and said, I want to be on that. | ||
| And I made them take me on auditions. | ||
| Now, maybe they were looking over their bills, and I was a good-looking little kid, and they said, he needs to start pulling his weight. | ||
| And, you know, we gotta start taking them out. | ||
| But yeah, I was on Sesame Street. | ||
| I was in a bunch of plays and stuff. | ||
| That live performance is different. | ||
| It's still energy. | ||
| But there's nothing quite like being alone on a stage doing comedy, which I didn't do until much later. | ||
| It's all your shit. | ||
| You're writing it. | ||
| You're figuring out how to say it. | ||
| You're crafting it, putting it together. | ||
| That's why the rejection is the deepest. | ||
| How do you write? | ||
| I go on stage with an idea and I started doing these little videos on Instagram where I actually kind of rant about an issue and if people kind of respond positively to them, sometimes I'll take that to the stage and I'll just try to rant about an issue and find a few lines that are keepers that are funny. | ||
| And then I'll sit down and rewrite it and re-look at the bit. | ||
| But a lot of what I do has to be like, how does it sound? | ||
| What's the inflection? | ||
| What's the pacing? | ||
| So being on stage helps a lot. | ||
| But there are things that I... What's hard for me, what I have to get better about, is writing about things I don't care about. | ||
| Like, how so? | ||
| Like, if you said, give me 50 jokes about the Kardashians, I would not want to do that. | ||
| But why would you need to? | ||
| Well, I'm not saying I do, but I mean, that's a skill some people have. | ||
| There's great monologue joke writers and stuff. | ||
| But if I see something that's ridiculous that I'm, like, perplexed by or I think is funny, I can devote attention and energy into making that funny. | ||
| Yeah, I say just concentrate on that. | ||
| Fuck all that other stuff. | ||
| But I am in awe of certain people where you can go, here's a topic, give me 50 jokes, and they'll have them, and they're good. | ||
| But you notice that those guys usually wind up working as writers, and they always feel kind of shitty. | ||
| That's a lot of them, too. | ||
| That's not a good... | ||
| When you're a great comic and you're working as a writer on a sitcom, that's a bad... | ||
| And you were talking about it earlier. | ||
| I know a few guys. | ||
| Like Owen Smith. | ||
| You know Owen Smith? | ||
| I don't know him, no. | ||
| I've heard the name. | ||
| One of the best fucking stand-ups in the country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's so good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He has this bit. | ||
| I don't want to tell you much about it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because it's about adopting a white son. | ||
| It is one of the funniest bits I've ever seen in my fucking life. | ||
| It's so good that you're like, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so fucking twisted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's so like, you can't believe what he's saying while he's saying it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But this is a guy that is... | ||
| I mean, skill-wise, one of the best stand-up comics in the country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he's not known for it as much as he's got a real career as a writer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he's trying to branch out and move away from that. | ||
| But goddamn, that guy murders. | ||
| When he's in the comedy store, I always sit in the back of the room and watch. | ||
| Yeah, well, a lot of people, I guess, with families and kids, you've got to make decisions, you know? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That Ari thing stuck with me when it's like, do you want to be doing something you don't care about? | ||
| So to me, I have to write about things that I'm interested in. | ||
| I think the people's careers that I want or the people that I envy, their careers seem to be led by their interests. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Things that interest them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, that's a better life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've done both. | ||
| When I was doing Fear Factor, I wasn't remotely interested in it other than the paycheck. | ||
| It was a good gig. | ||
| I'm not shitting on it. | ||
| It was a great gig. | ||
| I love that I had that job. | ||
| I love being financially stable. | ||
| At the time, I was like, good. | ||
| Now I don't have to worry about paying my bills. | ||
| It's a nice thing. | ||
| It was a great group of people that I work with. | ||
| Producers and everybody, network, everybody's great. | ||
| But there's such a difference between doing that and then doing a podcast. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| There's a giant difference. | ||
| The way that I've kind of done my podcast is like, what do I care about? | ||
| What do I want to know about? | ||
| Who can I feasibly get on to talk about it? | ||
| Those are the things that are interesting to me. | ||
| Not so much like, let's just pick a topic that's in the news that everyone will have a take on. | ||
| But I mean, even that, if that's what you're interested in. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Of course, if you're interested in that, yeah. | ||
| But as a comic, to have no boss is so nice. | ||
| Yeah, that's something nice. | ||
| Oh, it's the nicest. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| It's the nicest. | ||
| These comics, they get pigeonholed and stuck into these gigs where they don't want to fuck up the gig, so they don't want to say anything controversial, so their material gets bland. | ||
| And some of them take these big moral stands, and it's like, well, you're making a crazy amount of money. | ||
| Some of them are like, I won't work here, and I won't work... | ||
| If that person is on a lineup, I won't do it. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, but you're making a lot of money. | ||
| That... | ||
| That drives me crazy. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That I'm not going to work with... | ||
| Unless someone's stealing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Unless someone's stealing or they're punching people or they're being a rapist or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Unless it's something so egregious they should probably be in jail. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| What? | ||
| You got creative differences? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You fucking baby? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get over it. | ||
| Grow up. | ||
| Just get up there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've worked with a lot of people I don't enjoy working with. | ||
| Yeah, and I don't have the luxury of like, you know, I won't work this venue because this person worked there. | ||
| It's like, that's good, you know. | ||
| Well, I still don't. | ||
| I mean, at the store, I'm there all the time with people I don't even hardly know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, I mean, you're on a lineup with 14, 15 people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's good, too. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Half of those people could be rapists. | ||
| More than half. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's a clip. | ||
| Depends on whose definition. | ||
| That's a clip right there. | ||
| Depends on whose definition. | ||
| Rape used to be actual rape. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now it's like words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's true. | ||
| Well, that's where we come in. | ||
| That's where it's very confusing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because we, as comics, especially comics like you and I that say fucked up shit, you can get away with things that are really not supposed to be in society anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So sometimes people will get up and leave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's fine. | |
| I can't believe, like, hey, I'm joking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Don't you get that I'm joking? | ||
| Are you drunk? | ||
| Aren't you in a room? | ||
| Isn't it 11.30 at night? | ||
| You performed earlier, but with me, I'm like, isn't it 4 a.m.? | ||
| What's the problem? | ||
| If you can't take this opinion now, when are you going to take it? | ||
| Yeah, and sometimes it's not good. | ||
| Sometimes the material's not good. | ||
| I had a bit about those Parkland kids that never worked where I said, I don't want anyone to get shot, but these kids are annoying. | ||
| These five are annoying. | ||
| I said, I don't want anyone to get shot. | ||
| So I said, let's ban guns, but first we have to shoot these kids. | ||
| We have to kill the Parkland kids, these five. | ||
| We have to shoot the phones out of their hands and they're going to be the last. | ||
| And we're going to explain to them. | ||
| We're going to go, we're banning guns. | ||
| You'll be the last five people to ever die. | ||
| And it didn't work. | ||
| And people were not exactly thrilled with it. | ||
| But it's like you should be able to try. | ||
| You should be able to try. | ||
| You gotta try. | ||
| You should be able to try. | ||
| Because sometimes, like you were saying, you go on stage with a premise, and then in the middle of doing that premise, you'll find the beats. | ||
| Sometimes you don't find the beats. | ||
| Sometimes you think maybe there's something there. | ||
| I've had a few bits where I was sure there was something there. | ||
| I've never been offended by a joke. | ||
| That's me personally. | ||
| Like, I've never. | ||
| Have you ever been offended by a joke? | ||
| No, I've never been offended, but I've been like, ugh, that one wasn't good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But that's normal. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the finding the beats on stage in front of a live crowd, too. | ||
| There's something about that high wire act that makes your brain go to these weird places that comes up with punchlines. | ||
| You have to fucking find a punchline. | ||
| You have to find something funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You have to. | ||
| These people paid money. | ||
| It's like waving a stake in front of our junkyard dog and you keep tossing them little bits and then eventually you have to throw them the stake. | ||
| And sometimes there's no punchline. | ||
| That's just part of the fucking gig. | ||
| And then it's just a Trump rally. | ||
| Just screaming. | ||
| If he doesn't get elected, do you think he goes and starts a podcast, TV network? | ||
| He totally could. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He totally could. | ||
| It'd probably be better for him, honestly. | ||
| That's what he thought he was going to do, I think, before he got elected. | ||
| I think he was having high-level meetings with people in the media space to start something like that. | ||
| Well, once NBC fired him, NBC fired him while he was running because of the stuff that he said about Mexico, that they're all rapists. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| He's like, someone's doing the raping. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The way he talks is so fucking crazy. | ||
| It's out of control. | ||
| For a person running for president, NBC is like, that's it, we're getting rid of you. | ||
| And then they put Arnold in his place, and that was a disaster. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Do you remember that? | ||
| People forgot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Arnold hosted The Apprentice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're fired. | |
| Yeah, that was horrible. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And Trump was shitting on him. | ||
| They did. | ||
| Did they just scrap the show after that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, of course. | |
| They canceled it. | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| Does he go back to The Apprentice? | ||
| Well, if NBC will have him. | ||
| After the presidency. | ||
| I think he's too toxic now. | ||
| No, he's way too toxic. | ||
| He's way too toxic. | ||
| Maybe he could come up with something like that for Fox. | ||
| Oh, Fox is in. | ||
| They'll scoop him up. | ||
| That's what's great about Fox. | ||
| They'll play ball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They'll play ball. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're not going to leave money on the table. | ||
| You know what, though? | ||
| They did want Megyn Kelly back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're like, eh. | |
| Well, she did a thing. | ||
| I used to do the show Red Eye on Fox News, which was comics would just try to be funny. | ||
| They aired it at like 3 a.m. | ||
| East Coast time. | ||
| And I saw her the week she was doing that, and she was in the dressing room, and she knew she shouldn't have left. | ||
| She could feel it. | ||
| She'd already made the decision, but you could kind of see it in her face, that I think she knew that she was going to try to be this daytime TV queen and like, let's bake cupcakes, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I just spent four years on Fox News talking about Santa being white. | ||
| But now let's bake cupcakes because I'm America's sweetheart. | ||
| That's never going to work. | ||
| Well, it's weird when you publicly change your image. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| You're publicly changing your image? | ||
| Her skirts got longer. | ||
| She covered her neck. | ||
| There was no more cleavage. | ||
| Every show was about sexual assault. | ||
| Every single show was about sexual assault. | ||
| What do you think that was about? | ||
| I think she was trying to ingratiate herself in with the people that hated her. | ||
| Which is like the New York media types, the people that did not like her, and then she was like, okay. | ||
| But it wasn't even just about sexual assault. | ||
| One of them was a lady who fucked Matt Lauer, and she knew she was fucking him, and she was talking about him, and she fucked him. | ||
| Well, I didn't know any better. | ||
| I was 25. Right. | ||
| You're 25? | ||
| You fucked a guy. | ||
| You fucked Matt Lauer. | ||
| What happened that's bad here? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, he shouldn't have fucked you because he was married. | ||
| Okay, after that. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| You just fucked him? | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Why is this a segment of a show? | ||
| Is it because it's scandalous? | ||
| Megyn Kelly did an interview with her? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Yeah, and she was saying, you know, I was young and I was impressionable. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Of course you were. | ||
| It's funny to see them all put nails in each other's coffins. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| Isn't that great? | ||
| Media's like this blood feud. | ||
| There's only a few families that control all this information. | ||
| They all hate each other. | ||
| That's why Succession is such a great show. | ||
| Well, I think with Meghan, it was like that she had been sexually harassed while she was at Fox News. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| She was going after all those people. | ||
| By Roger Ailes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So she was going after, and I think Bill O'Reilly, too. | ||
| I think there was something in situation. | ||
| He paid somebody $38 million, so it's like... | ||
| That's a lot! | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| I think it was 32. Was it 32 or 38? | ||
| What did that guy do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What did he do? | |
| And my grandfather still has a Bill O'Reilly Patriots Welcome doormat. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's a good mat. | ||
| I mean, imagine. | ||
| That's a giant amount of money. | ||
| It's the amount of money where what he did should be, I mean, it seems like it could be a Netflix documentary. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like horrific. | ||
| Like he offered her 37 million. | ||
| She's like, no. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm going to need more after what you did to me. | ||
| This is a $32 million offense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there was that one recording they had left on some assistance machine. | ||
| Andrea Macris. | ||
| That woman, yeah. | ||
| Touching with a loofah sponge or some weird shit. | ||
| I mean, that's what he was trying to do. | ||
| Yeah, you know. | ||
| That's a creepy old guy move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Get you with a sponge. | ||
| It's an interesting... | ||
| He tried to have his ex-wife excommunicated from the church. | ||
| What? | ||
| Great. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| He tried. | ||
| I mean, no. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Well, because he wanted her to go to hell. | ||
| A church? | ||
| Yeah, a Catholic church. | ||
| Imagine what kind of donation you have to make to get your ex-wife sent to hell. | ||
| Probably $32 million. | ||
| He's got it. | ||
| But he wanted her excommunicated. | ||
| That's the type of guy he is. | ||
| But the crazy thing is, even after all this, the guy still had the number one book in the New York Times bestseller list. | ||
| Yeah, because people dig in. | ||
| Those old fuckers, they just give in. | ||
| They dig in. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| They like him. | ||
| They like him. | ||
| I know who he is. | ||
| He's folksy. | ||
| He's like my uncle. | ||
| He's a good man. | ||
| Somebody spent $40 million for some woman he tortured. | ||
| The tide goes in, the tide goes out. | ||
| I'm with God. | ||
| I'm with God. | ||
| Yeah, when he was doing that, that fucking tide goes in, the tide goes out, you can't explain it one. | ||
| I was like, wow, you went to Harvard, you fucking piece of shit. | ||
| You can explain that. | ||
| A lot of those guys are, they wear religion. | ||
| Like a fuck. | ||
| It's fashionable to wear it. | ||
| They wear it. | ||
| They know better. | ||
| They know better. | ||
| Trump does that. | ||
| He gets out and he goes, I'm a Christian. | ||
| I may not be the best Christian, but I'm a Christian. | ||
| I have leadership qualities. | ||
| Good enough. | ||
| It's good enough. | ||
| And you're like, not the best Christian. | ||
| You're a thrice married guy who owns gambling in a Miss Universe pageant. | ||
| You're a biblical... | ||
| That's like a biblical figure that would be like a Roman king that everybody was warned about. | ||
| Like, in terms of like, I mean... | ||
| I want him to shave his head. | ||
| What do you think that will do? | ||
| Just freedom. | ||
| I think it would be funny if you shaved it like somebody had a cancer issue and he just shaved it with them to be a good guy. | ||
| Well, it doesn't look good. | ||
| That's what's confusing to me. | ||
| I think it has a style. | ||
| When my hair wasn't looking good, it was impossible to look good. | ||
| It was falling out to the point where this is just a mess. | ||
| Then I went and buzzed it. | ||
| I always remember you like that. | ||
| My generation always remembers you like the just bald, virile type. | ||
| Oh, like this. | ||
| Yeah, it's nice. | ||
| I've been like this for a long time now. | ||
| I'm solid eight plus years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bald. | ||
| You want Trump to just go... | ||
| I think he would be better off. | ||
| It'd be easier. | ||
| Like, he's not good looking. | ||
| Like, he must know that. | ||
| That would complete his transformation into a supervillain. | ||
| I guess like a Lex Luthor type guy? | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| But I just... | ||
| Like I just... | ||
| It's gotta be so much work to put that hair together. | ||
| I think someone does it from... | ||
| But even then, you gotta talk to them while they're putting it together. | ||
| I bet you he doesn't talk to them. | ||
| What do you think he does is just tweets angry? | ||
| I bet you he's not concerned with the human relations with his staff. | ||
| I just get that vibe. | ||
| I get that vibe. | ||
| I get that vibe the person who's in charge of the hair just does the hair. | ||
| I hope he retires... | ||
| When he retires, or when he's done, I hope he goes right into podcasting. | ||
| Would you have him on right now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why wouldn't he come on? | ||
| This is two and a half, three hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's busy. | |
| He's busy and I had some jokes about him. | ||
| He's petty. | ||
| He hates comedy. | ||
| He does not like to be made fun of. | ||
| He doesn't like to be made fun of. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Michelle Wolf got him on Twitter a few times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She did the correspondence dinner. | ||
| And he went after her. | ||
| But she got right back at him and she wrote, I bet you'd be on my side if I killed a journalist. | ||
| Yeah, I saw that. | ||
| Michelle's a kill shot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a kill shot. | ||
| You're not going to win. | ||
| Yeah, she snuffed him out with that one. | ||
| She's great, man. | ||
| She'll just forget it. | ||
| He just dropped off the face of the earth. | ||
| He was done. | ||
| She neutered him. | ||
| One tweet, neutered. | ||
| Yeah, there's some people that go after him, though, and it doesn't work, and he doesn't respond, and it looks so weird. | ||
| It's weird when I see my aunt tweeting at him. | ||
| I'm like, what do you think this is going to do? | ||
| My aunt with 43 followers. | ||
| What did she say? | ||
| You're a disgusting representation of this country. | ||
| She'll tweet this. | ||
| And then I have another rant who's the other side that'll be like, I believe in you, keep going. | ||
| And I just imagine him scrolling through these messages and reading these. | ||
| Do you think he only looks at verified accounts? | ||
| If you think about how many people he follows on Twitter, I think if he's wise, he doesn't see the mentions. | ||
| I'll tell you right now, his biggest fans are not verified. | ||
| His biggest fans do not have a blue check. | ||
| They're under 100 followers. | ||
| They have dog... | ||
| His biggest fans, not just the people that voted for him, the people that are still in love with him. | ||
| A lot of them have dog profile pictures, like a dog that recently died. | ||
| There's a lot of dead dogs floating around Facebook. | ||
| Flags and a banner? | ||
| Flags. | ||
| None of them have ever served in the military. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But they all have the flag. | ||
| They all have the flag. | ||
| No one's ever served. | ||
| And 43 to 48 followers. | ||
| Hashtag MAGA. Hashtag MAGA. You know, a lot of them aren't real. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| What are they? | ||
| They're Russian bots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, it's real. | ||
| There's a guy in Russia who's got that job? | ||
| Trying to impersonate my aunt on Long Island? | ||
| There's a lot of people that have him. | ||
| They have various accounts that they use. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| There's a woman named Renee DiResta. | ||
| She's coming on the podcast soon. | ||
| She did a study of this for... | ||
| I forget what she did it for, but she was on Sam Harris' podcast. | ||
| She went in depth with it. | ||
| I'll send it to you after we're done here. | ||
| Please. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| But they did all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| They would have a pro-Muslim group, and they would put on a demonstration right across the street from a pro-Texas group, and they would organize both of them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| To just sow discord. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They would organize African Americans against Hillary Clinton. | ||
| Anyone but Hillary. | ||
| We gotta vote for Jill Stein. | ||
| She doesn't represent us. | ||
| This is all Russians. | ||
| And then they would have other people that were pro-Bernie. | ||
| And then Hillary fucked over Bernie. | ||
| And these were Russians as well. | ||
| It's nice that our CIA will just foment coups and overthrow their leaders. | ||
| It's nice that we'll just kill their people. | ||
| We don't fuck with their social media. | ||
| I think we fuck with their social media, too. | ||
| Listen, I'm sure we do. | ||
| I wrote off a lot of that Russian stuff as people's wishful thinking, but the more and more I read about it, the more there is a coordinated attempt, seemingly, to infiltrate these social media, and so Discord, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's 100% a real thing going on, because this woman documented it, and it was also really funny. | ||
| She was talking about how many of the memes that they created that were really funny. | ||
| Oh, they're hilarious, probably. | ||
| Yeah, and they came out of Russia. | ||
| So there's a bunch of guys in a room in Moscow creating memes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's so funny. | ||
| They went through KGB training or whatever it is now, FSB, and this is where they ended up. | ||
| I think they just hire young people. | ||
| This is the frontier of the war against the United States. | ||
| The thing is, though, if they can do that and get people really upset, if they really can do it, that's a really effective strategy. | ||
| It's a great strategy. | ||
| You can make things happen now. | ||
| Because it's just sowing internal discord and we're going to collapse our own system. | ||
| I wonder how many of these Jesse Smollett... | ||
| Is that how you say his name? | ||
| Jesse Smollett is Russian. | ||
| The whole thing is Russian. | ||
| It's not even real. | ||
| The whole thing is Russian. | ||
| Jesse Smollett doesn't exist. | ||
| I wonder how many of the memes were created by Russians to try to get people upset. | ||
| I bet there's a bunch. | ||
| I bet there's more people stirring things up than just Americans that are upset. | ||
| No, I'm sure it's people that are... | ||
| But then there's also just a lot of Americans that hate each other. | ||
| Does that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's that. | ||
| What do you think happens with Jussie Smollett? | ||
| Because ABC got rid of Roseanne for a tweet. | ||
| You've got to get rid of this guy. | ||
| I thought he was getting canceled. | ||
| He was getting written out, rather. | ||
| That's what I read today, but I don't know. | ||
| I thought he was getting written out before, and this is one of the reasons why he did it. | ||
| Well, I support him if that's the case, because this is a very hard business. | ||
| This is a very tough business. | ||
| It is hard. | ||
| It's hard to make it. | ||
| I love that they had to plan that out, and he said to the two guys, he goes, listen... | ||
| Get a noose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go get rope and do a noose. | ||
| A lot of these hate crimes, first of all, hate crimes happen and they're horrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But some of these things are fake. | ||
| Do you know he showed up at the hotel with the noose still around his neck holding a Subway sandwich? | ||
| Just that alone. | ||
| The people at the hotel should have been like, what? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Okay, what happened? | ||
| Why are you wearing a noose? | ||
| You still have the sandwich? | ||
| And why are you eating at Subway? | ||
| You're not sick to your stomach? | ||
| You're on Empire. | ||
| What the hell's wrong with you? | ||
| Nothing wrong with Subway. | ||
| Subway's not good. | ||
| It's not bad if you're hungry. | ||
| Listen, I've clearly eaten it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it ain't great. | ||
| But if it's like 2 o'clock in the morning, it's the only thing open. | ||
| Why is it open at 2am? | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
| Because it's open. | ||
| It's a good move to be open when nothing else is open. | ||
| It's a good point. | ||
| Get a nice Italian sub with double meat. | ||
| I like the... | ||
| Oil and vinegar, salt and pepper. | ||
| Meatball with the mozzarella or whatever, and then you don't toast it, you let the hot meatballs melt the cheese. | ||
| Oh, I agree with that. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good move. | ||
| A meatball sub is always a good move. | ||
| It's always a good move, especially after faking a hate crime. | ||
| After you have faked a hate crime, a meatball, how nervous are you after you do that? | ||
| I'm such a pussy, I could never go, I could never do what he did. | ||
| Some level associated, but then I saw that actor I had dinner with the other night, and I went, oh, he could do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, these people can do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they're on another level. | ||
| Well, the other thing is, people say, who would want to be a victim? | ||
| Who'd want to fake being a victim? | ||
| I heard that during the Kavanaugh hearing. | ||
| I was like, that is a ridiculous thing to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because there's a lot There's a lot of currency in being a victim. | ||
| In our business, it is a lot of currency. | ||
| In public, today, in the world, people praise victims for coming out and they support them. | ||
| You get a tremendous amount of love, especially if you're a legit victim of something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, of course. | |
| I mean, there's a lot to that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The idea that no one would do that is so against, it's so contrary to human nature. | ||
| No, everyone would do it. | ||
| I want to do it. | ||
| What would you do? | ||
| What kind of hate crime would you fake? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a great idea. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| If I got punched and people saw my face, they'd go, good. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They would look at my face and go, yeah, okay, good. | ||
| I tweeted something today. | ||
| I was like, hey, I'm at Flappers on... | ||
| What was it? | ||
| The 26 of Flappers. | ||
| There was two guys who was Hollywood with MAGA hats. | ||
| They beat me up. | ||
| They poured something on me. | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| I think it was come. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please come to Flappers. | |
| But I mean, that's the thing. | ||
| Listen, I watched Good Morning America interview this morning and I laughed. | ||
| I sent this to my buddy. | ||
| I go, there's a moment in it when they go, how did you know it was the attackers? | ||
| And he goes like this. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| You can see the insanity. | ||
| You can see it in his eyes. | ||
| He goes like this. | ||
| He goes, I was there. | ||
| And he's just doing that shitty actor-y, like just fucking shitty acting class shit. | ||
| That whore shit. | ||
| I was there. | ||
| And I'm like, this is fucking crazy. | ||
| He was going to inform on two guys. | ||
| If there were two white guys with MAGA hats who got caught, they'd be in jail right now because the detective said to him, we have two suspects on camera. | ||
| Do you think it's them? | ||
| He's like, yeah. | ||
| Then he found out it's his two buddies and he's like, well, I can't testify against them. | ||
| He was going to testify against two people who they thought were guilty. | ||
| So he said that he thought it was them? | ||
| Yeah, there's a Good Morning America interview of him going, yeah, it's those two. | ||
| That takes it to another level. | ||
| Yeah, and then Fox is like, hey, he's good on the show. | ||
| We stand behind him. | ||
| That takes it to a completely different level. | ||
| Dude, there would be people in jail right now. | ||
| He wouldn't care. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Could you imagine not just faking a hate crime, but then putting people in jail? | ||
| Imagine being those two guys who are just sitting in jail like, what the fuck? | ||
| You're on the cover of the New York Post, nabbed them, got them, and they're sitting there like, what the fuck? | ||
| And everybody wants to kick their ass. | ||
| And Empire next season is all about Jussie Smollett. | ||
| They fire everyone else on the show and it's just a Jussie Smollett story and two innocent people rotten. | ||
| It's just the gay Tupac wandering through the streets of empire. | ||
| That's why people in Ohio, whenever Hollywood's like, here's how to vote, they go, you know what, no. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They go, you know what, no thank you. | ||
| I see what you're doing, you fucks. | ||
| Faking hate crimes. | ||
| What kind of hate crime would you fake if you were going to do it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a great question. | |
| If you really wanted to get ahead. | ||
| It's a great question. | ||
| What if someone gave you a license to fake a hate crime? | ||
| What if there was a television show about faking a hate crime? | ||
| You know how they do like Punk'd? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Fake things like that? | ||
| How about you fake a hate crime? | ||
| I'd love to do something like that. | ||
| True TV presents Fake a Hate Crime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's interesting. | ||
| I'm trying to think. | ||
| Press conference, whole deal. | ||
| Maybe a halal guy would attack me. | ||
| In New York City, like a halal guy would attack me because he views me as a symbol of imperialism and oppression. | ||
| That would be good. | ||
| You know, even though I patronize his stand all the time, he still feels the need to attack. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I could never do that. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm one of those people who would get, and I would get caught. | ||
| I would never think I'd get away with it. | ||
| Wanting everyone to think you're a victim when nothing really happened is an insanely selfish thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's an insane, like, faking physical crime. | ||
| Like, he had to have someone punch him. | ||
| Already hit himself. | ||
| Yeah, these MAGA hat wearing gangs that everyone's talking about in Chicago and LA and New York do not exist. | ||
| If you have a MAGA hat on at 2am in New York, you're getting bleach poured on you. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| That's the reality. | ||
| Well, also, like... | ||
| Just, he was saying that he like punched him back and like he fought back. | ||
| And I love how he was like, first of all, he was on camera for everything except one minute. | ||
| So they ask him a good morning, America. | ||
| They go, how long was this? | ||
| He's like, it felt like several minutes, but it could have been 30 seconds. | ||
| Like he's covering this span of time in his lie. | ||
| He's going, I got to say it's less than a minute because I'm only off camera for a minute. | ||
| Whenever you hear about a guy who kills his wife and blames a black guy, there's been a bunch of those, right? | ||
| There's been a ton of them. | ||
| And then you see the interview... | ||
| O.J. Simpson, for example? | ||
| Did he blame someone? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who did he blame? | |
| No, somebody probably blamed him. | ||
| You think? | ||
| No, I'm kidding. | ||
| Remember, there was a recent one. | ||
| People were saying that his son did it. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| My mother always believed that. | ||
| But again, it's a weird conspiracy theory, though, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Isn't that a weird one? | |
| That's what I don't really get into. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want... | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Those are the ones that are out there. | ||
| I don't really get into that. | ||
| I don't go near the moon. | ||
| I don't go near... | ||
| I'm not an OJ truther. | ||
| Are you a Gulf of Tonkin guy or Operation Northwoods? | ||
| Those are all true. | ||
| There's nothing... | ||
| Those are all true. | ||
| Operation Northwoods is my favorite. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They talked about bombing a ship. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With people on it. | ||
| They were going to blow up a drone jetliner and blame it on the Cubans. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were going to attack Guantanamo Bay, arm Cuban friendlies, and have them attack Guantanamo Bay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that was not that long ago. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's why we need you back. | ||
| Conspiracies are too fucking, it's too exhausting. | ||
| I got exhausting because I would do a show and then somebody would come up to me after this show and they'd be like, they'd show me a pizza menu. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| And they'd go, you see that? | ||
| And I'd go, no, what is it? | ||
| They'd go, that's the Nambla symbol. | ||
| And I'm like, it says garlic knots. | ||
| And they're like, you bet. | ||
| No, they're like, you gotta really look at it. | ||
| And I'm like, alright, I can't go the rest of my life with that. | ||
| Well, they look for it in everything. | ||
| Everything's a conspiracy. | ||
| And then when it comes back to you, and they say, oh, Tim is involved in this. | ||
| And then you go, oh, I see how this works. | ||
| People just make shit up. | ||
| And then they believe it. | ||
| The CIA is now getting involved in podcasting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| With you guys. | ||
| You're their first show, but they're going to get a few others on. | ||
| They're deeply involved in stand-up. | ||
| They've started a network. | ||
| Sort of like the Russian trolls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what they're doing. | |
| Deeply involved in stand-up. | ||
| I love the idea of the CIA. Going and watching sets and be like, who's getting passed at the store? | ||
| Oh, you don't know. | ||
| I have a friend of mine who thinks that the CIA started Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix. | ||
| There's a book about that called Weird Scenes Inside the Canyon written by a guy named Dave McGowan. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I'm going to tell you right now, Joe, it's kind of interesting. | ||
| I'm going to tell you, it's kind of interesting. | ||
| There was a lot of cult shit going on in Laurel Canyon. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| Probably about pussy. | ||
| There was a lot of weird shit going on in the CIA. The Rand Corp was all over there. | ||
| There was a lot of shit happening. | ||
| Well, I'm sure there was a lot of shit happening, but there is not a fucking intelligence agency in the world that can create a Jimi Hendrix. | ||
| No, of course. | ||
| And they're not sitting there. | ||
| That book was like that they were managing the birds. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The CIA was like, they were like, no, it's Mr. Tambourine. | ||
| It was like a CIA guy gonna be like, it's Tambourine Man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Play a song for me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Imagine being in that time in the country when everything was just falling apart left and right around us. | ||
| Vietnam War, Kent State, just fucking Nixon's the president. | ||
| It's just chaos left and right. | ||
| There's no internet. | ||
| Everyone's doing drugs. | ||
| It must have been wild. | ||
| It must have been amazing. | ||
| I mean, I always think about that Hunter S. Thompson quote about, you know, like we talked about the 60s and that in the 70s it was almost like the wave crested and then just pulled back. | ||
| It's crashed out from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| But I'm a big, like, I'm a Kennedy guy. | ||
| I think there's something really shady with that. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And in that book, there's some amazing stuff about that. | ||
| No, this book that you gave me is Family of Secrets. | ||
| Family of Secrets is a guy, Russ Baker, who's a legit journalist, and it's been praised by Dan Rather and Bill Moyers. | ||
| You're trying to drag me in, bro. | ||
| I'm trying to get you in. | ||
| Let me tell you right now, this will get you in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I doubt it. | |
| It'll get you in. | ||
| I don't have that kind of time for this. | ||
| Did you know that George H.W. Bush called the FBI and said that he thought he knew who the killer of JFK was? | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| No. | ||
| He called the FBI in Houston. | ||
| Hey, what's up? | ||
| It's George. | ||
| George Bush. | ||
| I'm in Tyler, Texas. | ||
| And I think I know who the killer is. | ||
| And he informs on this guy, James Parrott. | ||
| And James Parrott ended up being like one of his staffers. | ||
| It was this weird cover story he kind of planted. | ||
| And that came out in a memo. | ||
| And there was another memo that he was saying. | ||
| These are declassified FBI memos, Freedom of Information Act. | ||
| There was another memo that said after the assassination, J. Edgar Hoover briefed George Bush of the CIA. The problem was George Bush should not have been working for the CIA at that point. | ||
| He should have been just a private citizen. | ||
| So it suggested he was working for the agency for a very long time. | ||
| And he was made the director of the agency for one year after the family jewels came out, which was this whole thing where the CIA went to Congress and they admitted that they had done all these things from, you know, coups and fomenting revolutions in countries. | ||
| And they made him the director for one year after that happened to break – to make a clean break from all of the nefarious activities that the agency had been involved with. | ||
| But if you take that memo to mean that he had had an existing relationship with them, he was actually just becoming the – because it made no sense to anyone. | ||
| They were like, "Why is this guy that everyone called a lightweight becoming the head of the CIA after the CIA just admitted to all these horrible things?" They called him a lightweight? | ||
| Yeah, they called – yeah, he was like – I think Kissinger had said to Nixon – Kissinger had said to Nixon like he's lightweight. | ||
| He made him ambassador to China. | ||
| He was never a guy that had serious political capital and he was made the head of the CIA. And then after that memo was unearthed, people were saying, oh, he had – this was an extension of the cover-up. | ||
| He was being made the director at this very interesting time in history because he actually had worked with the agency forever and he was not at all a lightweight. | ||
| He was a serious operator and he was going in there to kind of clean up and transition them into a new era. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I'm already out. | ||
| You're out? | ||
| How are you out? | ||
| I can't listen to that. | ||
| It's great though. | ||
| I need current shit. | ||
| I need some like Julian Assange. | ||
| I need something right. | ||
| I need some Edward Snowden. | ||
| I know the Bushes are done. | ||
| I can't do the Bush anymore. | ||
| I'll get an Assange book. | ||
| I'll get an Assange book. | ||
| I can't get in there. | ||
| I'll dabble in the Clintons. | ||
| I'll dabble in the Clintons. | ||
| If you read a chapter of this. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| If you read a chapter of this. | ||
| You give me a cookie? | ||
| I don't have a cookie. | ||
| And if I do, I'm taking it. | ||
| But it's very interesting and it's a well-written book because it's not reckless and sloppy. | ||
| I'll read the first chapter, I promise. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I will. | ||
| Listen, a buddy of mine gave me David Lifton's Best Evidence on the Kennedy assassination and that got me into conspiracy theories. | ||
| This is like 92-ish. | ||
| And I get it. | ||
| You're at the end of the road now where you're like, this is... | ||
| Because a lot of people are full of shit in that world. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| And that's what people don't realize. | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Well, then it gets deeper and deeper and deeper and more and more preposterous. | ||
| Have you ever Googled hashtag space is fake? | ||
| No, but that sounds amazing. | ||
| There is a thriving space is fake community. | ||
| Have you ever been in space? | ||
| No, good point. | ||
| Could be fake. | ||
| Come back. | ||
| Come back to us, Joe. | ||
| Prove it, bro. | ||
| No, what is space... | ||
| Come back to it. | ||
| Well, it's an extension of flat Earth. | ||
| It's like for people to think that flat Earth is not stupid enough. | ||
| It's too conservative. | ||
| They go deeper. | ||
| It's like it's not stupid enough. | ||
| Yeah, they think for those flat Earth cucks, they want to move into space. | ||
| They want to go to, space is fake. | ||
| Yeah, you want to know what's really up. | ||
| Space is fake. | ||
| Space is fake, yeah. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Well, I mean, I think there are hundreds of thousands of people that think that the Earth is flat. | ||
| Hundreds of thousands. | ||
| Educated, Western, American human beings that think the Earth is flat. | ||
| That is wild. | ||
| It is fucking crazy. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| It's a lot of people that just get educated from YouTube. | ||
| The Guardian actually had an article about it. | ||
| I sent it to Eddie and Eddie laughed at me. | ||
| See, I think Eddie's kind of rational in a lot of ways. | ||
| Because I've had conspiracy talks with him. | ||
| About what? | ||
| About, well, yeah, no, the one that we had was insane a little. | ||
| Oh, he's got some insane ones. | ||
| The government was attacking Malibu. | ||
| Him and Tripoli and Sam were talking about they were using direct energy weapons and I was like, I don't know if this is... | ||
| Attacking Malibu with what? | ||
| I was like, why would they attack Malibu with the fires? | ||
| But I'm like, why would they attack Malibu? | ||
| It's the rich people. | ||
| The fire started near my fucking house. | ||
| They didn't even start in Malibu. | ||
| They flew through the air. | ||
| You know, I was one of the first evacuated. | ||
| Right. | ||
| These fucking theories are so stupid. | ||
| It's dry as shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A fire hits and the winds are going crazy. | ||
| Oh, did they make the wind? | ||
| They made the wind. | ||
| They've always made the wind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The wind has always been the CIA. They've always made the wind. | |
| Yeah, it's fucking... | ||
| It's just... | ||
| And there's no rest. | ||
| There's no peace. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's no living in the moment. | ||
| It's like a constant distraction. | ||
| At a certain point, you go, I just don't even want to know. | ||
| Because there's horrible things going on. | ||
| There's horrible things going on. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What do you think is the worst shit going on right now? | ||
| Human trafficking is very bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Horrible. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| Multi-billion dollar industry. | ||
| That's not Subway sandwich artists are paying for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Rich people, some of them are involved in some very bad things. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And their tracks are covering their own tracks. | ||
| Yeah, like that Jeffrey Epstein. | ||
| Yeah, all of that stuff, dude. | ||
| Clinton visited him. | ||
| He's got an island somewhere. | ||
| Anyone with an island. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And hanging out with Bill Clinton. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you have an island and you're hanging out with Bill Clinton, there's a problem. | ||
| Where's the montage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, it's a crazy... | ||
| All of that stuff is very disturbing. | ||
| He got a sweetheart deal because he wouldn't inform on anyone that was on his plane. | ||
| And now the Justice Department's looking at that again. | ||
| It'll probably be fine. | ||
| They'll probably just let him, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, the guy like that, like... | |
| How much does he know? | ||
| He knows everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because he's not going to say anything. | |
| He's not going to talk. | ||
| I wouldn't trust him. | ||
| If I was on that plane... | ||
| I think that's the other thing about... | ||
| See, the aversion to conspiracies is you go like... | ||
| Nobody would, people would talk. | ||
| The reality is people wouldn't talk. | ||
| If you were from a prominent family, if it had been like a religion to stay silent, if you had had CIA training, if you would, these people don't talk and we know that there have been plots that have gone unknown for a very long time, including the coup in Iran. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| So a guy like Jeffrey Epstein is so involved, so deep, he knows he'll get killed, he won't say anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's not going to say anything. | ||
| Plus, he doesn't want to go to jail. | ||
| He doesn't want to go to jail, and he doesn't want to say anything. | ||
| He doesn't want to admit all the things that he did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The child thing is the creepiest of all. | ||
| It's gross, and unfortunately, it's a real thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So, you know, people, you could talk about... | ||
| There's the conspiratorial angles, the bullshit, but then there's the real fact. | ||
| Well, there's Sandusky. | ||
| Sandusky. | ||
| Catholic Church. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's the other problem. | ||
| The people that are in love with conspiracies never care about private prisons or the Catholic Church. | ||
| And I'm like, guys, this is not even debatable. | ||
| We're not even debating. | ||
| Private prisons are ruined. | ||
| Kids are being sold into... | ||
| Slavery! | ||
| How about that judge in Pennsylvania that was taking underage kids and just giving them sentences, ridiculous sentences for shit, in exchange for money. | ||
| That's not right. | ||
| And now he's in jail. | ||
| Yeah, there's some darkness in the world. | ||
| It's undeniable. | ||
| And when something like Sandusky, when that Penn State thing comes out, and you're like, wait a minute, how long was this going on for? | ||
| And how many people knew? | ||
| Everyone knew? | ||
| How does everyone know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And then Paterno just, he died quick. | ||
| But this is what I mean. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I mean, he must have been destroyed. | ||
| But this is what I mean about people where it's like YouTube's going to censor conspiracy theory type stuff. | ||
| I'm like, all of those things would have been called conspiracy theories at one point. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Catholic Church, Sandusky, Abu Ghraib. | ||
| They said it was a few bad apples. | ||
| It was a labyrinth of torture prisons. | ||
| It was a program designed by the Pentagon, the CIA. It's crazy. | ||
| What is the YouTube going to do? | ||
| They're going to censor conspiracy? | ||
| I think they're going to stop recommending conspiracy videos, from what I've heard. | ||
| But I was reading that thing that you were telling me about, Jamie. | ||
| This whole, like, porn, or child porn, or pedophile network. | ||
| You're setting up a pedophile YouTube? | ||
| What's going on with that? | ||
| A communication network. | ||
| They were communicating with each other in YouTube comments. | ||
| They responded yesterday and they said that they disabled comments on tens of millions of videos and deleted a lot of accounts. | ||
| They were communicating in the comments section of little kids cheerleading and whatnot. | ||
| Now, were they communicating to try to share child porn, or were they communicating to molest kids? | ||
| I don't know in the way pedophiles communicate in their network, but... | ||
| Quite frankly, I'd like you to do a little bit more work. | ||
| Pull up an article. | ||
| Do some due diligence on the pedophile. | ||
| I want you to go under the dark web. | ||
| You need a burner computer for that. | ||
| Download Tor, and let's get moving, because we've got to figure shit out. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to get a VPN. Well, that's like the FBI will take over ChildPoint's hat on Tor and then run it for a year, like on the dark web. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Imagine what they see, too. | ||
| You can't unsee that shit. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| It is a problem. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| You're causing... | ||
| That happened in that R. Kelly case. | ||
| There's a video of him doing something with an underage girl, and I think some people at CNN say, we've seen it, and that's led to him going, and it's like, well, what did you watch? | ||
| Is that legal? | ||
| It probably is legal because you're watching other guys of... | ||
| Of journalism. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Rough. | ||
| Yeah, that kind of shit is real. | ||
| And the fact that there's these networks of people that are trying to, you know, cultivate these experiences. | ||
| It's crazy, man, but if you're a rich person and you have that sick predilection, you're going to find a way to, you know... | ||
| Okay, they posted remarks that praised the girls, asked whether they were wearing underwear or simply carried a string of sexually suggestive emojis. | ||
| About two years ago, hundreds of companies pulled money from YouTube over concerns about ads showing up next to problematic content from terror or hate groups and videos that seemed to endanger or exploit children. | ||
| I think, you know, we've talked about this before with YouTube with the issues that we've had with them. | ||
| They have way too much content and way too few people. | ||
| There's no way they can watch all of it. | ||
| And when shit like this or people are doing things in the comments, it's almost impossible to check. | ||
| I mean, it's just... | ||
| The YouTube comments are one of the rare, free-range, sort of, like, unchecked message boards in the world. | ||
| I'm sure I'll find out later. | ||
| Don't read it. | ||
| Don't read it, bro. | ||
| Who's this fat fuck? | ||
| He's not even a black belt. | ||
| Why is he here? | ||
| Who is that? | ||
| Don't read it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder if there's ever going to be a time where that is impossible. | ||
| Where like these... | ||
| Child pedophile rings. | ||
| They can figure out a way to snuff all that out. | ||
| It's harder now than ever before, I imagine. | ||
| It's very tough, and it's tough, I think, because so few people want to believe that it's a problem in the way that it is. | ||
| Because there's good people in the world that don't think these things are issues. | ||
| So I think the political will isn't there because people aren't... | ||
| Really, they don't understand that it's, you know? | ||
| And then the people that are doing these things are very wealthy, powerful people, and they have a lot of control, and they can kind of cover their tracks. | ||
| They're all wealthy? | ||
| Not all. | ||
| If you're a poor pedophile, you're not going to a ring. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| You're snatching some kid. | ||
| I know, it's bad. | ||
| But if you're a rich pedophile, it's a nicer experience. | ||
| It's like you go on vacation versus me going on vacation. | ||
| You go on vacation. | ||
| It's a nice experience. | ||
| I go on vacation. | ||
| You know, it's fine. | ||
| Sandals in the Bahamas. | ||
| Not even. | ||
| No? | ||
| Sandals. | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| A cabin or something. | ||
| In the forest. | ||
| Sandals. | ||
| What's crazy about all this... | ||
| When you're talking about child molesters and stuff like that, which crazy is the Catholic Church is still around and still they're catching people left and right when it's known for it. | ||
| There's no more known... | ||
| Nothing is more synonymous with child molesting than the Catholic Church. | ||
| That is the number one thing. | ||
| And you were raised Catholic. | ||
| I was raised Catholic. | ||
| I was never molested. | ||
| I was raised Catholic. | ||
| You got lucky, huh? | ||
| I was lucky, but I was fake. | ||
| I'm lapsed Catholic. | ||
| We're all fake. | ||
| This Catholic is fake. | ||
| It's stuffed shells. | ||
| It's a nice dinner. | ||
| It's five fishes once a year. | ||
| No one cares. | ||
| No one in a Catholic church cares. | ||
| If you turn around to the guy next to you and go, is this bullshit? | ||
| They'll go, shut up, maybe. | ||
| I used to have a bit about it. | ||
| I don't understand suicide bombers because I was raised Catholic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And no one is in the Catholic Church believes in it that much. | ||
| No, we like nice buildings. | ||
| Catholic suicide bombers will be like, you go first. | ||
| Yeah, you go first. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll be over here. | |
| Go ahead. | ||
| We'll do it together. | ||
| Ready, set, go. | ||
| Why are you still here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's nice architecture. | ||
| It's beautiful architecture. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's nice. | ||
| Ceremonies are fun. | ||
| I don't know what's going on in them. | ||
| There's incense going around. | ||
| This is the mystery of faith. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| I was talking with Burr about this recently, about church has some good qualities, and one of the things it has is it makes you feel like, you know, it's like a community thing. | ||
| You sit down and you get a chance to assess yourself and your life and sort of reaffirm your moral guidance and your moral compass, and there's some good There's some positive things to a good church. | ||
| And that's how those rock and roll, culty, super Hollywood churches get started. | ||
| Because people say, I want a church, I just don't want a traditional church. | ||
| I want something spiritual and fun and fulfilling. | ||
| It's not like the church when I grew up. | ||
| I said to my dad, why do we go here every Sunday? | ||
| And he went, shut up. | ||
| That was the answer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because it was like, we just go. | ||
| You go. | ||
| This is what we do. | ||
| You don't want your mom to get mad. | ||
| But people in Hollywood and people that, you know, want the hip work, they want to be drawn to it. | ||
| They want it to speak to them. | ||
| Yeah, they play rock and roll music. | ||
| Yeah, it's cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Religion's cool. | ||
| My soul is, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's, you know, it's just a lot of horse shit. | ||
| It is a lot of horse shit. | ||
| But it's fine. | ||
| It makes them feel good. | ||
| Yeah, my buddy's assistant, I had a buddy of mine whose assistant was going to one of those churches. | ||
| She was a nymphomaniac. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she was trying to stop fucking everybody. | ||
| So she started going. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| She's trying to go to this church. | ||
| What church is that? | ||
| The stop fucking everyone church? | ||
| She'll just start fucking them. | ||
| Get spiritual. | ||
| She's like, I'm going to be celibate. | ||
| I'm like, eh, whatever. | ||
| She was one of those gals. | ||
| She'd just have a couple of pops and then off to the races. | ||
| Listen, you live once. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You live once. | ||
| She was attractive. | ||
| She was having a good time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't see the problem. | ||
| What church did she go to? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This was decades ago. | ||
| But it was one of them crazy rock and roll type churches. | ||
| Oh, that's so funny. | ||
| You know, I think it's interesting people that join the Catholic religion now. | ||
| Oh, that's ridiculous. | ||
| Who's joining it now? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's going in and going, you know what? | ||
| I enjoy it. | ||
| I don't know who did it. | ||
| You know, Glenn Beck joined the Mormons as a grown man. | ||
| Well, that makes sense. | ||
| In his 40s. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a little off. | ||
| Maybe he wanted nine wives. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably wives. | ||
| Of course, it's a huge benefit. | ||
| Do you know the whole Mitt Romney story? | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't know? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm so happy to tell you. | ||
| My cousin married a Mormon who they excommunicated from the church when he was like 17. Mitt Romney's family all moved to Mexico. | ||
| That's why Mitt Romney's dad could never be president, because Mitt Romney's dad was born in Mexico, because when they passed the law making polygamy illegal in the United States, they all packed up their shit and went to Mexico. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yes, because in the 1800s, it didn't fucking matter if you were in Mexico or the United States. | ||
| It was all the same. | ||
| You're riding a horse everywhere. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| They're like, I could have nine wives over here. | ||
| So they have these compounds. | ||
| Vice did a whole series. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They have compounds down there with armed guards. | ||
| Yeah, because the cartel was fucking kidnapping them and shit. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| So Mitt Romney's dad was like, you can't take nine fucking wives. | ||
| They still have a fucking, they still have a compound down there. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| In the Smithsonian Magazine. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| The Smithsonian.com? | ||
| Oh, it has a story on it? | ||
| Yeah, the whole Romney. | ||
| The Romney's Mexican history. | ||
| Yeah, the whole family comes from Mexico. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| How diverse. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They went down there because they couldn't do what they wanted to do in the United States. | ||
| There's no polygamy in the U.S. anymore, anywhere. | ||
| No, it's illegal. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Which is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, let it happen. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| You could have like nine girlfriends and all live together and no one could say shit, but as soon as you write it down, they'll lock you up and put you in jail. | ||
| There was a show called like Sister Wives or something. | ||
| It was about people that I think they were living in the States and they had like multiple wives. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's probably bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah, I don't think polygamy. | ||
| Google it. | ||
| Maybe it's like legal in like Nebraska or some shit. | ||
| Sorry, Nebraska. | ||
| I like that Nebraska would be just a place to go, you know what, live and let live. | ||
| Yeah, live and let live. | ||
| Nebraska's like, we're having a hard time keeping people here, so you can just fuck anything you want. | ||
| Fuck anyone you want. | ||
| Marry your dog. | ||
| Marry everything. | ||
| Is polygamy nationwide, federally illegal? | ||
| Yes, it is illegal, but I know what you're talking about where there are TV shows where people are still doing it, so... | ||
| Also, have you successfully infiltrated a pedophile YouTube group yet? | ||
| Lazy. | ||
| Waiting for the tweet. | ||
| So lazy. | ||
| But it is crazy that his family was like, well, fuck it, we'll just move to Mexico. | ||
| Of course, you made a great point. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| You're on a horse. | ||
| Back then. | ||
| He has to Rio Grande. | ||
| Yeah, because I think when they made it illegal in the 1800s, look at this, as a polygamous community crumbles, sister wives are forced from homes. | ||
| This is the caliber of wife? | ||
| This is interesting. | ||
| That's all you get, bro, if you want nine of them. | ||
| You don't get nine good ones. | ||
| You either get one ten or nine ones. | ||
| This is a lot of, you know, this is, you don't think of nine shitty wives. | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't think of nine horrible wives. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| But the thing is, you could have those wives, you just can't have them legally. | ||
| Like, they can't be legally your wife. | ||
| But you could do, like, a whole, like, roots and jump over the broom. | ||
| You know, you could find some sort of... | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| Yeah, you could make your own ceremony. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| You just can't register in the courthouse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Which is hilarious to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, who the fuck are you to tell someone that can't... | ||
| How about a woman that has five husbands? | ||
| Can we do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You go, girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Power! | ||
| Power for girls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm for it. | |
| I'm for polygamy. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I want to come out for it on this show. | ||
| Five cucks and one woman. | ||
| Yeah, who cares? | ||
| They all sit around stroking their half-hard dicks, waiting their turn, crying. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| That is a perfect representation of 2019 America. | ||
| Who would vote that out? | ||
| Who would say no to that? | ||
| Sick people. | ||
| Someone who's a communist. | ||
| We need more people getting the YouTube pedophile cults out. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And putting the polygamists in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We need priorities. | ||
| I feel like if you want to marry a guy with 18 of your friends, who gives a shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I guess the problem is the divorce. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that the issue? | ||
| Well, there's no money for you. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You're splitting it up 18 ways. | ||
| You're not going to get a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Anyone with 18 of anything, unless you're like a sultan, you probably don't have a ton anyway. | ||
| Unless you're Jeff Bezos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeff Bezos. | |
| Well, that was a, you know. | ||
| He could marry a hundred chicks and give them all a billion. | ||
| Ka-chow! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And still have 50 left over. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, he's doing good. | ||
| He's doing good. | ||
| But that whole thing with him, that was an interesting thing. | ||
| The pictures being leaked, and it turns out it's the brother that leaked the pictures. | ||
| I love the brother immediately as soon as I read the article. | ||
| Because I'm like, this is a guy. | ||
| Trump supporter. | ||
| Not only is he a Trump supporter, this is a guy who's tried to leverage himself forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he found out his sister was fucking Jeff Bezos. | ||
| Can you imagine the night he found that out? | ||
| The night he found that out, where was he? | ||
| What was he doing? | ||
| He was somewhere thinking, this is it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's fucked a lot of people that are good. | ||
| Now she's fucking Bezos. | ||
| Now it's time to cash in. | ||
| Now it's time to think of something good. | ||
| How do we do it? | ||
| This is a plotting guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wonder what the Enquirer gave him. | ||
| How much money do you get for something like that? | ||
| Half a mil. | ||
| Bezos dick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
More? | |
| I want a solid mil. | ||
| Solid mil? | ||
| You think they have that kind of- Yeah, risking your life. | ||
| He's going to kill you. | ||
| You think he will? | ||
| If he doesn't, I'll be disappointed. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Make it look like an accident. | ||
| If you're fucking, you know, he's like Daddy Warbucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's the guy. | ||
| He's the guy. | ||
| He's got $150 billion. | ||
| He's automated everything. | ||
| And Amazon's notoriously ruthless. | ||
| He has a look like he's an alien. | ||
| He looks like he's artificial intelligence. | ||
| He's AI. Yeah. | ||
| He has that look already. | ||
| He's super smart, and he's going to play it real slow. | ||
| Yeah, he'll enslave the world, and you know what? | ||
| Let him. | ||
| He's probably gonna hire somebody to fuck up that guy's life slowly. | ||
| I'm sure he already has. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real slow. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| This is your new job. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your new job is to slowly make that guy's life shit. | ||
| Audits, everything. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Flat tires every day. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| I love the henchman that's going out and nailing flat tires. | ||
| Yeah, set up. | ||
| He's going to check for cameras. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, the Bezos is... | ||
| Those are the new type... | ||
| Because I study a lot about Rockefeller, Carnegie, guys like that. | ||
| And those guys, nobody's amassed the fortunes those guys had. | ||
| Rockefeller had like $336 billion in today's dollars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good lord. | |
| Yeah, Carnegie had $372 billion. | ||
| I mean, these were the first... | ||
| How much did they have in their time? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| Was it billions in their time? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was millions. | ||
| Well, I don't think it was billions, but in our time, it's over 300 million, both of them. | ||
| These were the first generation of... | ||
| You mean B. B, B, B. This was the first generation of entrepreneurs. | ||
| The country was new. | ||
| All of these industries were just emerging, and these guys took it over. | ||
| Bezos, tech is, and somebody said this on my podcast recently, tech is the closest thing we have now to that. | ||
| Where you have these, you know, masters of the universe that are going to be, I mean, those guys, JP Morgan was like bailing the government out. | ||
| These guys had an insane amount of power. | ||
| They were more powerful than political figures. | ||
| I was just, when I told you I was doing this Chariots of the Gods lunch today with a bunch of very influential people, and one of them said, it's really ironic that Apple used to be Think Different. | ||
| That was the whole thing about Silicon Valley. | ||
| Think different. | ||
| Now it's don't think different. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Now it's streamline everybody into one acceptable thing. | ||
| Yeah, now it's literally you have to think the way everyone else is thinking. | ||
| You have to believe what everyone else believes, even if it's ridiculous. | ||
| I think a lot of that is they want to just make money and sell things and they don't want any discord. | ||
| They just want to sell, make money. | ||
| Sort of, but it seems like... | ||
| None of this is... | ||
| I don't think... | ||
| Because they don't ban people after they do the things. | ||
| They ban them after there's a public outcry. | ||
| So to me, they're not... | ||
| They don't have any real values. | ||
| Their values are tangible. | ||
| And the values are influenced by public opinion and where media is. | ||
| The values aren't like when somebody says something, let's ban them right now, this goes against our thing. | ||
| A lot of it is if you wait until there's enough dust kicked up, then they will ban somebody. | ||
| Right, that's true. | ||
| So to me, I get in arguments with friends when they're like, they're ideological. | ||
| I'm like, they have an ideological bent, certainly. | ||
| But they're profit-seeking enterprises that just want everyone to be happy. | ||
| I think if it was up to Twitter, every tweet would be some type of branded ad. | ||
| And on top of that, now the ideology is skewing and leaning in that direction in terms of tech. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| So there's money in that. | ||
| There's money in holding that line. | ||
| And those guys are the ones that are... | ||
| As powerful as Rockefeller and Carnegie and JP, all of those guys, they are the next generation of people who their amount of power is unmatched anywhere in society. | ||
| They're branching out more and more. | ||
| Amazon is now going to have an electric car. | ||
| They're investing in that new... | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Rivian? | ||
| Some new electric car company that's... | ||
| That Bezos is investing in. | ||
| They're investing in space travel. | ||
| They're investing in all these different... | ||
| I mean, he's not going to get poorer. | ||
| He's going to get more and more rich. | ||
| No, he's going to take over everything. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| You can't opt out of these systems. | ||
| You have to be involved to live a normal life. | ||
| You have to be online. | ||
| Did you see that article that someone wrote about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Someone tried to go online and live their life without Google, Amazon, a few other things, and Apple, and they said they couldn't do it. | ||
| No, Ari Shafir is the only one who can do it with a flip phone. | ||
| He's barely doing it. | ||
| He's on his iPad using his fucking iMessages. | ||
| He iMessages me all the time. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Pretend he's fucking no smartphone. | ||
| I'm impressed that he still has a flip phone. | ||
| Well, he knows that he's an addict. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He knows. | ||
| And he's an honest man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And he's like, fuck this. | ||
| This is just too much of my life. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| He'd be checking social media constantly. | ||
| And also, if you're controversial like he is, a lot of people are talking shit to him and that would hurt his feelings and saying mean things to him. | ||
| Social media has gotten to the point where I'm on it all day and I'm like, I'm not having any fun. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's really gotten to the point where, what is this experience? | ||
| Facebook is a nightmare. | ||
| It's elderly people screaming at each other. | ||
| This was a website where kids were trying to get laid in college. | ||
| This is elderly people screaming and complaining they can't afford knee operations. | ||
| And I'm just going like this all day. | ||
| Yeah, it's not, you don't get a lot of bang for your buck. | ||
| I've dropped off radically over the last six months. | ||
| The last six months I've made a giant shift away from reading things and posting things. | ||
| And just I'll look at it for a couple seconds and then I'll put it down. | ||
| Are you happy? | ||
| Yeah, I'm more engaged. | ||
| I'm too fucking busy. | ||
| And so when I'm trying to figure out ways to better optimize my time, that was one of the first ones. | ||
| Stop reading comments. | ||
| Stop reading posts. | ||
| Don't just mindlessly shift through Instagram pictures looking for something that strikes me as interesting. | ||
| I just stopped doing that. | ||
| And it made a big difference in my productivity. | ||
| Huge difference. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you know when iPhone, real recently, they started putting that thing on your phone where you see how much screen time you had? | ||
| Oh yeah, that's crazy. | ||
| You look at it, you're like, what? | ||
| Five hours? | ||
| Nine hours, 46 minutes. | ||
| That's five hours of nothing. | ||
| Yeah, what did I do? | ||
| I get a little out of it, right? | ||
| I'll find news stories that I can talk about, but it's like finding... | ||
| I found that finding the perfect blend seems to be letting the stories get so big that they get to you anyway. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No, not the fringe stories, like the Jussie Smollett. | ||
| It gets so big, you can't ignore it. | ||
| And then you hear, and I love the day when we all found out he was, social media was great the day that we all found out he was full of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because then everyone could make jokes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But the three days before that, everyone was posturing. | ||
| Oh, so much. | ||
| But then when it came out that it was all bullshit, everyone was like, oh, let's just have fun. | ||
| And even though it's, you know, I'm not saying that people aren't getting attacked and things aren't bad, but this particular thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you can't make a joke about this... | ||
| What can you make a joke about? | ||
| If you can't make a joke about... | ||
| If you think someone shouldn't joke about this, fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, this is one of those things that's so... | ||
| I mean, it's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Holding the subway with the fucking noose. | ||
| He just pled not guilty in court. | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| Yes, he did. | ||
| No. | ||
| Jamie, he pled not guilty on everything, right? | ||
| He denied all charges. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He denied all charges. | |
| He's going to take his own life. | ||
| I believe they have the check he wrote to them. | ||
| He wrote a check! | ||
| $3,500! | ||
| He wrote a check! | ||
| $3,500! | ||
| He didn't even give him cash! | ||
| He wrote a check! | ||
| Now, here's the other thing. | ||
| I could get punched in five minutes for free. | ||
| I could get beat up so easily. | ||
| Why is this guy spending $3,500? | ||
| Well, not only that, why did he write a check? | ||
| Do you have no friends? | ||
| He didn't think this through even a little bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It's disappointing. | ||
| It's kind of funny, though. | ||
| There's nothing funnier right now. | ||
| Well, I think this is what we need. | ||
| You know, we need to understand the outrage machine a little bit better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And one of the best ways to see it is to see manufactured outrage. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And then you go, oh, okay, this is a hustle. | ||
| Well, the Covington thing was great because people like wishing death on 15-year-old kids. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And it's like, the video comes out, exonerates them, and then people are like... | ||
| No! | ||
| Yeah, people are doubling down. | ||
| Yeah, people are like, you can't deny what my eyes saw. | ||
| I'm like, are you nuts? | ||
| And then I was afraid because I'm like tweeting things in support of the kids, but I'm like, what if the next video is just the kids in Klan outfits like this? | ||
| And just dancing around with torches like Charlottesville. | ||
| And I'm like, well, then now I look like an idiot. | ||
| Yeah, you can't go on a limb. | ||
| You're better off being an observer. | ||
| Yeah, you don't know what to do. | ||
| Just let other people get into the fray. | ||
| You just make a little joke, sit back. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a gang fight. | ||
| You're better off standing back and going, hmm, I don't want to jump in there. | ||
| Because every day, every hour, another vantage point of that thing was like, well, no, maybe they are guilty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I saw that thing. | ||
| It was like, a white kid. | ||
| I thought they encircled a Native American guy who was banging a drum. | ||
| And I'm like, fuck these kids. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Well, you see the first image. | ||
| And you know, the first image, which is even crazier, was put up by a troll account. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Russians? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I don't know who the fuck it was. | ||
| I don't think they know. | ||
| Are all the problems Russian bots? | ||
| I think they came out of Brazil. | ||
| I was just digging into that because I saw something about it yesterday. | ||
| A few shady social media posts fed a viral firestorm over Covington Catholic and why it will happen again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're doing this on purpose. | ||
| They took that screenshot to try to get people angry. | ||
| And it worked. | ||
| And then Twitter found out that it was a bullshit account. | ||
| They banned the account. | ||
| So it's very possible that account was some troll farm or something. | ||
| Oh no, it's a troll farm. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what they think. | ||
| We're being manipulated now on a level that is like unbelievable. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| And people are furious. | ||
| Dude, I hate to cut this short, but I gotta get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Tell everybody how to get a hold of you. | ||
| Tim J. Dillon on Instagram and Twitter. | ||
| D-I-L-L-O-N. TimDillonComedy.com. | ||
| We're doing a gig, right? | ||
| We're doing a gig tomorrow. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Tomorrow night you're gonna be the improv. | ||
| 10-15 show. | ||
| If nobody attacks me on the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| We'll see. | ||
| He's going to show up with a noose in a subway sandwich. | ||
| I hope I do. | ||
| In blackface. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| Thanks so much, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I appreciate it. | |
| Tim Dillon, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| I think it was a lot of fun, man. |
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