Nov. 27, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:02:31
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| It's like old school Russian. | ||
| Three, two... | ||
| There's something I like about the fact that you can smoke in here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I like that people can be relaxed. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I had to find a comedy club to shoot our special where Dave can smoke. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| Comedy cellar. | ||
| The underground, yeah. | ||
| The underground they let you smoke? | ||
| Well, you know. | ||
| No, but they let him smoke. | ||
| I think there's like a rule where if you're a performer, you can get away with it because it's a part of your routine. | ||
| Like a cabaret, still on the books? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Don't take my word for that. | ||
| I believe I learned that from Dice while he was on stage. | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think you read that in the Dice Chappelle manual. | |
| Yeah, well, they just can get away with it, right? | ||
| Yeah, Dave's always smoking on stage. | ||
| No, I don't smoke anymore, but I'll tell you one thing. | ||
| That year in between, like, where you're not allowed to smoke on stage, that was a tough year. | ||
| Because you used to, like, smoking and the crowd smoking, and, you know, it was, like, kind of a fun thing. | ||
| A punchline enhancer, too, right? | ||
| Dave, you do smoke on stage. | ||
| Not all the time. | ||
| Towards the end of it, maybe. | ||
| Not only that, but when we were on the road and we'd do an hour and a half, he'll pretend he's getting a phone call or something. | ||
| He'll go smoke and leave me on stage by myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, but it gives you a chance to open up a long-form bit. | ||
| Now you're hearing it, Joe. | ||
| Now you're really hearing the whole story behind the bumping mic. | ||
| Behind the bumping mic. | ||
| What do you get out of smoking on stage? | ||
| It just fulfills the nicotine fix? | ||
| Or does it actually give you something? | ||
| Because they say... | ||
| I've smoked one of Tony Hinchcliffe cigarettes a couple of times before I went on stage. | ||
| And you get like a pick-me-up. | ||
| There's a little something. | ||
| You get like an enhancement. | ||
| I'll say right now it definitely is a weakness that like you know now I don't drink don't do anything but like coffee and cigarettes it's like yeah it's breathing for me but uh on stage it does focus it helps focus you they say it's legitimately they say new nicotine is actually a good nootropic yeah it actually enhances cognitive function like if you do a test without nicotine then do a test with nicotine non-users yeah It makes me nauseous. | ||
| If I accidentally smoke a blunt, and not just straight weed or something, and just tobacco, like Snoop handed me something the other day, and I thought it was all pop, but there was tobacco in there. | ||
| These things are the shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is it? | |
| These blunts. | ||
| I can deal with it on the paper. | ||
| Jamie, where'd you get these? | ||
| Where were they at? | ||
| This company, Hollywood's... | ||
| These are the shit. | ||
| These are my favorite. | ||
| I'll have to check them out. | ||
| Charlie Murphy got me into these things back in the day because he would roll them himself. | ||
| He would get those swisher sweets and he would tear them apart and then he'd put the weed inside of it and roll it up. | ||
| Yeah, old school. | ||
| And then Chappelle got me into it again because I smoked one with him one day at the back of the Comedy Store. | ||
| I was like, damn, this is a weird high. | ||
| What is it like? | ||
| You get a buzz. | ||
| It's like you're a little bit high, but you're also a little bit buzzy from the tobacco. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I'm a fan. | ||
| Whatever it takes to make the jokes fly, bro. | ||
| Whatever they were smoking when they made your jacket. | ||
| Dave will smoke a cigarette right before we go on, and I'll take one hit of weed right before we go on, and we meet in the middle. | ||
| Yeah, one hit's good. | ||
| One hit before. | ||
| Yeah, not too much. | ||
| Have you gone too much before? | ||
| No. | ||
| Not in a long, long, long, long time. | ||
| Yeah, you feel like, I'd like one more, but ooh, that's a dangerous, dangerous decision. | ||
| Yeah, you want to stay a little quick. | ||
| Coffee, though. | ||
| I need coffee before I go. | ||
| Red Bull will make me too, like, jumpy and nervous, but coffee will get my brain working just a little bit quicker than the audience's. | ||
| Did you guys do this one time as a goof and then start touring with it, or did you just put the idea together? | ||
| Like, what made you decide to work together like this? | ||
| You know, it all started out just late night at the Comedy Cellar where, you know, I'd be on stage and I would just see Jeff in the room and I would bring him up and then we would just, you know, like throw down basically and have a great time. | ||
| And, you know, we kept doing it and doing it and people actually would, you know, like they wanted to see it. | ||
| It became like this kind of like, are you guys going to go up together? | ||
| They would always ask us, are you guys going up together? | ||
| Would you get the next mic going? | ||
| You know, that kind of thing. | ||
| How it really... | ||
| When I started living in L.A., or not even when I started, but in the last few years, I'd come back to New York. | ||
| I have an apartment in Greenwich Village near the Comedy Cellar. | ||
| And, you know, it's like cheers. | ||
| Everyone knows your name. | ||
| You land. | ||
| Instead of going to my empty apartment, I'll go, let's see who's at the cellar, get something to eat. | ||
| And I'd start booking my flights where I'd land around midnight. | ||
| Dave would inevitably have the 1 a.m. | ||
| spot. | ||
| And I just wanted to get my ya-ya's out, and he would just bring me up, and he'd sit by the piano, and I would goof off, or I'd sit by the piano, and he would tell jokes, and we started setting each other up, and organically, our friends started popping up with us, or people from the audience, or whatever, bachelorette party, and we just started making an act out of it without even realizing it. | ||
| Yeah, it was a lot of fun in the beginning especially because he really kept me on my toes. | ||
| Listening is the hardest thing, listening on stage. | ||
| Because once you're up there alone, locked in, you control all facets of the performance. | ||
| But when there's another person up there, especially Jeff and I, we have so many different skill sets. | ||
| So it was really cool to work off of him. | ||
| It brought up my game a bit. | ||
| It definitely made me quicker and faster and funnier to have to, like, you know, really pretty much roll with it, you know? | ||
| And I think that the crowd dug that, too. | ||
| It was like a different energy than just straight up like a showcase, you know? | ||
| The one thing that you would do on a podcast that you wouldn't normally do on stage, which is look at someone else. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it took me a long time, and I think I could speak to Dave, too. | ||
| Yeah, we had a million arguments on looking at each other. | ||
| It's like sports. | ||
| If you look at somebody, you're never going to not catch that ball. | ||
| But when you're wondering what the other guy's doing and you're kind of going like this, it's like we connect now. | ||
| And instead of doing in tandem, one-at-a-time jokes, we do jokes together. | ||
| That's hard. | ||
| That's a weird thing where you see twins, where twins will do an act and one guy will do the setup and the other guy will do a punchline. | ||
| And then they do a double punchline together. | ||
| We're hoping for that one day. | ||
| Too coordinated. | ||
| I feel like it's one plus one equals three. | ||
| You know, two headliners get together by choice, not by necessity. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then Dave, you know, it took a lot. | ||
| Dave did not want to go to Montreal. | ||
| We went up to the comedy festival and I basically begged him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To do it together? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I saw it mostly as just a fun thing to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a hobby. | |
| At the cellar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was just a cool... | ||
| Basically, just let it all hang out. | ||
| But Jeff saw, I guess, the next step to it. | ||
| I always just thought it was something that if the comics wanted to see it that bad, and then more and more comics wanted to come on stage with us, and then more and more... | ||
| Jim Carrey came to one of our shows in Montreal and all the headliners sort of popping up with us. | ||
| And I thought, this is more than just us as a hobby. | ||
| This is something that no one else is really doing. | ||
| I got really into it really quick and I tried to call it Bumping Mikes and Dave was like, no. | ||
| I go, why? | ||
| He's like, it's too on the nose. | ||
| I go, well, that's good for a title. | ||
| We don't have any other structure to our show. | ||
| By the way, we don't rehearse. | ||
| He has a flip phone. | ||
| I can't even talk to him before the show. | ||
| We don't have any plan whatsoever. | ||
| It's pretty stressful, Joe. | ||
| Why do you have a flip phone? | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm trying to stay off the grid, dude. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| You saw me with the sword in front of the flag. | ||
| I'm ready to go. | ||
| I'm ready to be activated. | ||
| No, I'll tell you this. | ||
| Bumping Mikes is the best title for it. | ||
| Jeff is really a good producer and all those different things. | ||
| All the skill sets I don't have. | ||
| Like, he's a producer, he knows show business, all those different things. | ||
| But, like, I was like, we should have, like, really, like, workshopped some other names. | ||
| Like, two Costellos looking for an abbot. | ||
| You know, or, like... | ||
| Nichols and May I. But there's other teams out there. | ||
| I'm not going to say there aren't. | ||
| But the thing is that we're not really a team. | ||
| We both have our separate stuff. | ||
| But when we get together, it's almost like within 48 hours we're a team again. | ||
| So it's really difficult. | ||
| But I think we rock out in certain situations. | ||
| Like... | ||
| I want to go through it with you because you've done every venue now. | ||
| You've done outdoor, you've done theater, you've done casino. | ||
| I think we are one of the best casino acts. | ||
| I'll say it right now. | ||
| Casino acts? | ||
| I think we really are. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I think in a casino, we take it to the level that needs to be, especially in a D-level casino. | ||
| I'm talking like... | ||
| Pachanga. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They're hoping for one of those electric poker things. | ||
| Foxwoods. | ||
| Well, Foxwoods, we do rock there. | ||
| Dave likes the casinos because, again, they let him smoke. | ||
| In the elevator. | ||
| Those are my people. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's true about casinos, right? | ||
| But it's also a very bawdy audience, and you can say anything, and you don't have to hold back at all. | ||
| Jeff is fearless. | ||
| I have a filter up, but he is fearless. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| Actually, Pechang is that place in Temecula, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That place is actually nice. | ||
| What am I thinking of? | ||
| I'm thinking of... | ||
| What's that one on the 5? | ||
| What's that fucking place on the 5? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The Playboy one? | |
| Rudy Moreno? | ||
| Oh, the Hustler Casino. | ||
| That would be great. | ||
| We just did one like... | ||
| Bethlehem PA. That's our best one, dude. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| You know the one? | ||
| It's an old steel mill, but now it's a casino in Bethlehem. | ||
| In Pennsylvania? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lehigh, I think it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bethlehem. | |
| We always have our best shows there. | ||
| Yeah, we really do. | ||
| The crowd is so excited to see us. | ||
| That was our first road show ever. | ||
| That was our first road show ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those weird road gigs. | ||
| And the one we were going to cancel, but we never canceled in Utah or something? | ||
| We did the Oklahoma run. | ||
| That one, Oklahoma. | ||
| You guys did an Oklahoma run? | ||
| No, he did. | ||
| I did one casino that I drove through this crazy storm to the next one. | ||
| Oklahoma, man. | ||
| You can drive as fast as you want. | ||
| They don't give a fuck? | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| Montana didn't even have speed limits. | ||
| Isn't that cool? | ||
| They just had to impose speed limits within the last decade or two because of the federal government. | ||
| They said, look, we're not gonna fix your fucking roads unless you tell people they can't go 150 miles an hour. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That's Montana, though. | ||
| Burr says that Oklahoma's fucking amazing. | ||
| Yeah, we had a good show there. | ||
| He said Tulsa was fantastic. | ||
| Yeah, I want to play there, for sure. | ||
| But I was playing in the casinos, and then I met Jeff at this one. | ||
| It's like right on the border of Texas. | ||
| And, you know, Seinfeld plays there. | ||
| Thackerville. | ||
| Yeah, Seinfeld plays there. | ||
| Thackerville, Oklahoma. | ||
| That's the town it's in, yeah. | ||
| And it was like a rough... | ||
| Seinfeld goes to Thackerville. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| But, you know, he's got it down to his science, man. | ||
| You know, fly in, fly out, that kind of thing. | ||
| You know, we're in bed. | ||
| Flying that night. | ||
| We're in bed at there. | ||
| Fly out that night. | ||
| I guess if you have a nice life and a nice house, but I like going and looking around the local places and eating the local fare. | ||
| I still kind of love that. | ||
| Well, he's in that weird place too where I don't think he can go places. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If he's walking on the street, you're like, holy shit, it's Sunnyfield. | |
| It's got to be weird. | ||
| Joe, that's what we do after the show because we're both a little older now. | ||
| We really eat. | ||
| That's what we do. | ||
| We really enjoy it. | ||
| Do you like steaks and stuff? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| You should hang with us. | ||
| But he doesn't eat cow steaks. | ||
| I eat cow steaks, too. | ||
| He eats like wolf steak and shit. | ||
| I would eat a wolf steak. | ||
| That's why he was saying he was giving kids their elk breakfast. | ||
| My kids eat elk. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| Well, we'll eat it. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| I need to set up a kitchen here and cook for you guys. | ||
| Oh, that would be great. | ||
| It's fucking fantastic. | ||
| Kids, eat your Elkios for breakfast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Elkios. | |
| If you ate it, you'd want to get it more. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What does it taste like in the meat scale? | ||
| Like a bison. | ||
| A little bit more unusual. | ||
| Better than venison. | ||
| How do you cook it? | ||
| Like deer venison. | ||
| Slowly on a pellet grill, and then I sear it on the outside at the end. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So your Thanksgiving must be out of control, huh? | ||
| Well, this year, no. | ||
| This year, we just did the normal turkey thing. | ||
| Put a turkey in a deep... | ||
| But he caught it with his own hands. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| On the roof of the studio. | ||
| We did the peanut oil thing where you deep fry it in peanut oil. | ||
| Makes it better. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a scam. | ||
| How did you learn how to do all this stuff? | ||
| Every time I meet, you have two other skills. | ||
| How do you do this stuff? | ||
| You're pretty busy. | ||
| I need things to occupy my brain. | ||
| I just have one of those brains. | ||
| The only way I'm at peace is if I have a bunch of difficult shit that I do all the time. | ||
| Constantly challenging yourself. | ||
| I have to. | ||
| That's how my brain works. | ||
| Everybody has their own weird kink. | ||
| My kink is I need to be exhausted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like just for your brain itself, it needs to be fed. | ||
| My brain needs shit to do. | ||
| It needs things to concentrate on. | ||
| If I don't have things to concentrate on or things that are really difficult, I start playing tricks on myself. | ||
| You mean mental or physical? | ||
| Both. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both. | |
| Mental and physical. | ||
| You get depressed. | ||
| I have to have both. | ||
| How do you handle the time management with family and career? | ||
| Get up early. | ||
| Get up early. | ||
| So this morning I was up at 6.30. | ||
| Kids go to school. | ||
| They're leaving the house by 7. I take the dog running. | ||
| I'm gone for two hours. | ||
| Then I come back, get a bunch of shit done at the house, then come over here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Then, you know, hang out with you guys for a few hours. | ||
| Then I'm going to lift. | ||
| Then I'm going to go to the store and do a couple sets. | ||
| Have a good time. | ||
| So you're doing like a 16-hour day there, right? | ||
| Well, yeah, but the thing is, like, the way it works really good with me with family is that most of the stuff I'm doing either while my kids are at school or while my kids are asleep. | ||
| So by the time I leave, I have a 10 o'clock spot at the store. | ||
| They're already asleep. | ||
| They go to bed at like 8.30. | ||
| How old are they now? | ||
| The youngest ones are 8 and 10. Okay. | ||
| Yeah, so it's... | ||
| They get up at like 6.30. | ||
| They go to bed at like 8.30. | ||
| So that's a perfect time for me. | ||
| Yeah, then you got your own. | ||
| When's the last time you just quit something in the middle? | ||
| I was like, fuck it, I can't figure this out. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| A bit, a routine. | ||
| Sometimes bits, you just gotta abandon them and come back to them in a couple of weeks or a couple months or a year. | ||
| A couple of years. | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| Everybody has that one great beginning of a bit, and they're like, where does this go? | ||
| And then you just keep throwing it out, throwing it out, throwing it out. | ||
| That's the cool thing with Jeff, is that we both bring material up on stage, but at the end of the day, it's the stuff that just comes to us, like that in-the-moment stuff, especially with the audience. | ||
| That's the stuff that I really think... | ||
| We should give a shout-out to Andrew, the director, for capturing all that. | ||
| Jeff's friend, who is now... | ||
| One of the best directors out there, man. | ||
| He really, you know... | ||
| Once again, it was Jeff's choice and he did the job and then some. | ||
| I mean, it's so good the way he put it all together, you know? | ||
| And you guys have... | ||
| It's more than just you guys going on stage. | ||
| There's a bunch of other stuff happening. | ||
| There's a bunch of people who drop by. | ||
| It's a three-episode series. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Docu-series. | ||
| So, I don't know if you saw the jinx on HBO about Robert Durst. | ||
| No, I never watched that. | ||
| It's a phenomenal documentary. | ||
| I've heard. | ||
| My buddy, Andrew Jarecki, directed that. | ||
| He also directed Capturing the Freedmen years ago. | ||
| It was an Oscar-nominated documentary. | ||
| What was that about? | ||
| That was about a family of convicted, actually, child-molestered math science teachers in Long Island. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Oh, I remember that. | ||
| Based on a short that he did about a party clown whose family wound up being implicated in this crazy controversy. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Oh, that was him, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And Andrew and I are tight, and Dave and I were sort of going back and forth on who could sort of direct us Who would know our moves, but yet had the experience, and Dave doesn't like anybody that's too hip. | ||
| I like it straight ahead. | ||
| That's what I thought of Andrew. | ||
| I like it straight ahead, and I also think some of these comedy specials are over-directed, so I didn't want to fall into this whole, like, you know, instead of, like, lighting the stage, you guys hold lanterns, you know, like that kind of thing. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| You know, you bump lanterns, and then we'll have, you know, like that kind of thing. | ||
| Like, you know, that'll be the essence of the humor. | ||
| That could happen, too, right? | ||
| Yeah, exactly, so. | ||
| But, uh... | ||
| He really was cool, and he really was patient, and he really brought a lot of things outside of, I know, my wheelhouse. | ||
| It's a collaboration, which is another thing you're not used to doing when you do your own special. | ||
| You're like, hey, I want to do it this way, I've been doing it this way, and I want it that way. | ||
| But when you have other voices in the room and other ideas, then you've got to pretty much mesh it together into something that pretty much, I guess, captures the spirit of it and also, hopefully, the funny of it. | ||
| Well, if you got that guy as your director, I mean, that's fucking incredible. | ||
| It looks cool, and he also understood our personalities and our friendship. | ||
| You know, I've been chasing Dave my whole career. | ||
| I always, as an open miker, I would go watch Dave, or, you know, I always thought, like, if no one's gonna make it in our crew until Dave makes it, Dave was always the one that everybody came to watch. | ||
| Even when Ray Romano was popping on TV, he would go down to watch Dave and tell riff. | ||
| And my first TV spot was a seven-hour train ride with Dave to Canada when we were really young. | ||
| I've heard three versions of this story, Joe. | ||
| What's the first version? | ||
| No, it's like Canada or Syracuse. | ||
| No, it was Hamilton, Canada, whatever. | ||
| We took a train from here. | ||
| Anyway, I'm just saying Hamilton, it's called. | ||
| Isn't that in Ontario? | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| But I'm just saying, Dave is my favorite comic. | ||
| I didn't know that until we really started working together. | ||
| Does it weird you out when you're hanging out with him? | ||
| I consider him contemporary. | ||
| Does it weird you out, like your favorite comic? | ||
| A little bit, to be honest, yeah. | ||
| But, no, I see Jeff as, like, beyond unique. | ||
| Like, there's nobody like him, and what he does and what he is able to do is really... | ||
| It's not only fun to watch, but it's really, like, you know, you're a self-starter. | ||
| He's a self-starter. | ||
| Like, it's great to see self-starters who find success because it really is difficult to, like, take something and, like, make it not only financially successful, but also, like, something that we all respect and love, you know? | ||
| And that's, you know, I'd say the roasting thing that Jeff... | ||
| Really pretty much is rebranded into like, you know, every possible way you can do it is always good because he's behind it. | ||
| It is interesting. | ||
| When it's not really with him, then you're like, I'm not so sure. | ||
| There's other people who are really good at it too, but I'm just saying that like, you know, that is when, you know, we're on the road and people will scream out the car door, it's the Roastmaster! | ||
| I mean like, you know, I had my insomniac time, but he like 20, 30 times that in terms of like recognition. | ||
| I mean, it's just amazing. | ||
| It is weird that you're synonymous with roasts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, like, if people say roast, they think Jeff Ross. | ||
| I earned it because when people laughed at me and thought, oh, that's a dead art, it's a lost art, it's antiquated, it's corny, it's old guys, I stuck by it and said, no, it's alternative comedy, no one's doing it, I get to hang with legends like Buddy Hackett and Milton Berle, you know, and I stuck to it because... | ||
| And there was a lot... | ||
| There was a time where I was embarrassed, like, oh, I'm going to be pigeonholed as the roast guy. | ||
| Were you embarrassed? | ||
| I don't know if embarrassed is the right word. | ||
| Uncomfortable? | ||
| Yeah, because you're like, well, I want to be more than that. | ||
| When was this around? | ||
| This was probably 10 years ago. | ||
| And I was in Vegas. | ||
| Chappelle again. | ||
| Words of wisdom. | ||
| He's like, dude, that's your lane. | ||
| Make that a five-lane highway. | ||
| what we started when i started doing started really owning it and loving it and to the credit of the world as we became more pussies in the world like roasting became more and more potent and important yeah and the world needs to develop thick skin and i think roasting honors people and it's done with love but it also kind of toughens us up a little bit - Okay. | ||
| I think it's of the time. | ||
| When I came back to the comedy store, the first thing I came back to watch was Rose Battle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I hadn't really known, I'd heard, but I didn't really know where it was. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I remember that night. | ||
| I remember that night really well, because I remember thinking, holy shit, this is so mean, but so funny. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Sometimes I'm like, whoa, you guys go deep. | ||
| But really good. | ||
| We were at the other club, the improv, sure. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| That's tobacco, though. | ||
| I'll take a... | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I'll take a real small... | ||
| Tobacco leaf. | ||
| The leaf I can deal with. | ||
| All right, deal with it. | ||
| How about... | ||
| It doesn't have any inside. | ||
| Is my company going to crumble because of this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Am I going to get audited by NASA? It pumped him up. | |
| He went down, but then he went back up. | ||
| Tesla went down, and then it went up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It went down 6%, but then it went up 9%. | ||
| The studio still smells a little musky. | ||
| But that night when I walked in there, I remember thinking, this is a joke writing thing. | ||
| This isn't just as simple as... | ||
| The art of the insult. | ||
| Yeah, but it's joke writing. | ||
| And one of the things I love about Roast Battle is how Moses makes everybody hug at the end of it. | ||
| It's very cool. | ||
| Well, I started judging it and people were pushing each other and screaming at each other. | ||
| And I wrote the rules of Roast Battle. | ||
| Original material only. | ||
| No physical contact. | ||
| Yeah, that's scary. | ||
| And every battle ends with a hug. | ||
| I've seen that with rap battles where guys punch each other in the face. | ||
| Rap battles are like the way more mean version of roast battle. | ||
| Those fucking guys. | ||
| I've seen some just horrible, horrible shit people say to each other. | ||
| And Moses, he owns that circus. | ||
| You've got to admire the fact that he can, week after week, make that work. | ||
| You know one of the reasons why it works? | ||
| He's so likable. | ||
| Brian is such a nice guy. | ||
| The best. | ||
| The best. | ||
| He's such a good-hearted, sweet person. | ||
| We were at the improv that night. | ||
| You hadn't been at the comic store in years and years and years and years. | ||
| And I don't know all the details, and it never really was part of my... | ||
| And you were asking me about Roast Battle, or somebody started asking me about it in front of you, and I saw you getting curious, and you were getting more curious, and you were maybe a little homesick for the comedy store, who knows. | ||
| And I said, come on, let's go! | ||
| Jump in my car! | ||
| And you're like, I'll meet you there. | ||
| And you sat up on the balcony. | ||
| Where the judges sit, and you hadn't been in the belly room in five years, maybe? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Seven. | ||
| Seven years. | ||
| And you're sitting there, and Moses does a double take, and he's too afraid. | ||
| He doesn't know what to do. | ||
| He doesn't really know you. | ||
| You haven't been back there. | ||
| You haven't been in the store. | ||
| And... | ||
| Finally, I say, comedy store legend, back after a long time. | ||
| Say hi to Joe Rook. | ||
| Real low-key intro. | ||
| And I've been in that room a lot for Roast Battle. | ||
| I never heard anything. | ||
| Like, this place reverberated. | ||
| Like, I thought we were going to fall into the main room. | ||
| And it was it. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| You've been back every day since. | ||
| Well, I had to go back, too, because Ari was filming his Comedy Central special there the next night. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I had to go to Roast Battle. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I love him. | ||
| There's no way I was going to miss his special. | ||
| I was like, I have to go there. | ||
| I don't want to go there the night of his special. | ||
| Let me just go there a day early. | ||
| So I went there a day early. | ||
| And you wound up judging Roast Battle on Comedy Central. | ||
| You're part of your royalty over there. | ||
| That was when Earl Skakel came out shirtless with a fucking gold chain with a fur coat on. | ||
| To this day, that was one of the greatest entrances I've ever seen anybody take on stage. | ||
| And he fucking murdered, too. | ||
| I mean, he was on fire that night. | ||
| On fire. | ||
| It's like the art of the insult. | ||
| You might not be the strongest headlining act, but if you can put five jokes together, you can take somebody down. | ||
| But here's the question. | ||
| Why is it that so many people excel at that, especially young comics, but they can't seem to figure out a way to generate that kind of energy during a regular set? | ||
| It's different. | ||
| I think they don't get stage time. | ||
| I think that's really what it is. | ||
| There's a lot of that, for sure. | ||
| That this is their moment, so they throw all in. | ||
| But can I say, as an outsider, since I never was really a West Coast comic like you guys, is that the Comedy Store, from back in the day to before the roast battling... | ||
| To the Rose Battle, like an amazing difference. | ||
| I remember walking in there and it was like a haunted house. | ||
| You're like, where is everybody? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Sam Kinison played here? | ||
| And then you go on stage and it was like 12 tourists in the room and then a bunch of comics in the back. | ||
| And then after the Rose Battle, the energy, you could just see it just went out through the roof. | ||
| It was the place to hang. | ||
| When you're in town, you want to go by the store and just check it out and go on stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The crowds there became way better, and I think that you were part of that, of really help re-energizing that club. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| That's what I felt. | ||
| That's what I felt when I went back. | ||
| I was like, this is a different place. | ||
| Even Lil Rel Howery said, there's no other comedy competition where other comics come to watch. | ||
| Yeah, true. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And cheer on their friends, or kind of roll their eyes at the ones that they don't want to win. | ||
| There's a fraternity there. | ||
| I feel like comedians... | ||
| I feel like we're a cult in a weird way. | ||
| Sometimes I feel like I'm a comedian before I'm even an American. | ||
| Like, I meet comedians from all over the world, and I feel like I know them my whole life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Roast Battle is now international. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a great story. | ||
| It really is a movement like that, where it was sort of a corny thing that nobody really understood, the roasting. | ||
| I couldn't even try out roast jokes when I first started. | ||
| It was so mean. | ||
| If I would stand there with a piece of paper and read 10 William Shatner jokes, people would be like, oh, he's so mean! | ||
| You were doing that one night at the improv. | ||
| I'm trying to remember who you were practicing for. | ||
| People were like, oh! | ||
| But the same people that would be at the roast, they'd be dying. | ||
| It's hard to put yourself in that roast mindset. | ||
| When you go to see the roast mindset, it's like going to see a fight. | ||
| So if you went to see a fight, And you knew you were going to go see a fight, you could handle the fact that the fight was going on. | ||
| But if you just show up at the movies and two people start head kicking each other, you're like, holy shit! | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Stop! | ||
| It's like, we can agree to horrific shit if we just know it's going to take place in advance. | ||
| I guess there's part of that. | ||
| And it is a sport, roasting. | ||
| It is a sport. | ||
| It's definitely a game. | ||
| Because there's strategy involved. | ||
| It's not just jokes. | ||
| It's like you're trying to disarm someone's material towards you maybe. | ||
| Sometimes guys will go at themselves first and then go at their opponent in the same joke. | ||
| It's very smart. | ||
| People are being clever with it because they've been doing it for a few years now. | ||
| So they've seen people bomb, they've seen people murder. | ||
| There's strategy. | ||
| Like any other sport. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you punch back and you have your retort ready. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And, you know, there's all kinds of other little things like, you know, maybe don't mention the obvious thing till the end. | ||
| And then you're going to... | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't want to give too many secrets away, but the better roast battlers will study the game tape, if you will, and figure all this stuff out. | ||
| And, you know, five jokes. | ||
| I mean, it's not easy. | ||
| No, it's not easy. | ||
| If you trip or stumble, can you recover? | ||
| Tony Hinchcliffe's the goddamn assassin at that shit. | ||
| The best. | ||
| That motherfucker. | ||
| He's an assassin at roasts. | ||
| He's got an evil little black spot in his heart that he likes to open up. | ||
| Whenever those roasts come out. | ||
| Those jokes are vicious and clean and tight. | ||
| It's not something we do off the top of our head. | ||
| If you can do that also, but Tony takes it seriously and it's like I say, it's an art. | ||
| That's also the skill of joke writing, which is like in today's world of more storytelling and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| It's few and far between where you actually see someone who can put together a couple of jokes in a row and you're like, wow, that was a great run. | ||
| Everybody has one good joke and then Maybe a couple of tags, but to actually have a great run. | ||
| That's the thing that always excites me about comedy. | ||
| He'll tell you, when we work together, he'll go, what new stuff do you have? | ||
| And we'll just throw it up there, and I'll try and basically work it out on stage. | ||
| Because I know it's not one of my own bits, like a formed bit yet. | ||
| It's something that I can work with him. | ||
| And that's fun, too. | ||
| That also opens your mind to a whole other world of joke writing. | ||
| Sure, especially you're doing it right next to another comic. | ||
| That's how we start. | ||
| It's difficult. | ||
| We always start by talking about each other. | ||
| Dave looks like an umpire during a rain delay. | ||
| I'm actually wearing the same stuff right now on the special. | ||
| Jeff mixes it up a bit. | ||
| It's easier for me. | ||
| Dave, that outfit makes a statement. | ||
| That's a very clear David Tell outfit. | ||
| This is it, man. | ||
| Low key. | ||
| Makes a statement. | ||
| Flip phone. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I know how to delete a hard drive. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I do creep it up. | ||
| Why do you still didn't answer about the flip phone? | ||
| Why do you have a flip phone? | ||
| Well, I like the flip phone. | ||
| You don't get distracted with the web because it takes forever to get the web on there. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't really like technology. | ||
| I don't like the web. | ||
| I feel like there's something about the virtual experience and the live experience that we're really in that world now of coming to see someone live is getting harder and harder, but they'll know all your clips on YouTube. | ||
| Don't you think more people are going to see people live than ever before? | ||
| Well, Joe, not me. | ||
| I think if there's any reason for that at all, it's definitely not your act. | ||
| It's got to be content. | ||
| No, it's your lack of connection with the internet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, if you were connected more with the internet, more people would be going to see you. | ||
| I'm not a good promoter. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| I 100% believe that. | ||
| I 100% believe that. | ||
| I can see that. | ||
| It's hard to talk complimentary about someone when they're right in front of you. | ||
| You're brilliant as a joke writer. | ||
| You're one of the most prolific I know. | ||
| One of the most clever that I know. | ||
| But you're also... | ||
| You have less ego than anyone I've ever met in my life. | ||
| You're like some weird fucking Tibetan monk dude that's been sitting up in some cave somewhere. | ||
| I mean, you're one of the best comics ever, in my opinion. | ||
| You're so low-key. | ||
| It freaks people out sometimes. | ||
| I'm all about the... | ||
| I really love the hang, like he was saying, the cult of the comics, us hanging. | ||
| Coming from you, dude, that's extra special. | ||
| Dave doesn't even like to get recognized. | ||
| I hate it, yeah. | ||
| I don't like any of that stuff. | ||
| That's why I think there's a correlation. | ||
| It's my own self-hate. | ||
| No, but you also have more bandwidth for what you're doing, your stand-up. | ||
| It's a good mixture, because... | ||
| You've obviously been really successful with staying in this groove, particularly after you stopped drinking and everything, too. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're in this tight groove. | ||
| I'm present. | ||
| That's what I can say. | ||
| Dude, your set at the improv that I saw was about six months. | ||
| We were at the improv together, something like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| About six months? | ||
| God damn, that was funny shit. | ||
| Really fun. | ||
| You know, it's funny when you talk about the... | ||
| I love... | ||
| There's no harder fan now than your fans. | ||
| I mean, like, they know comedy. | ||
| They know a lot of things. | ||
| And they totally respect the art form and, like, the craft of it. | ||
| And that's thanks to you. | ||
| And you're out there doing it. | ||
| It's not like, you know... | ||
| It's like back in the day I was a comic. | ||
| You're out there every night doing it. | ||
| You go on the road. | ||
| So it's like you're talking from now, not from, like, the past. | ||
| And you get it how, like... | ||
| I feel like the web stuff... | ||
| It helps and hurts comedy to some degree, but it probably helps more than I'm giving it credit because it really did connect to people. | ||
| It really did connect with more people. | ||
| I don't think it helps or hurts. | ||
| I think there's always been shit comedy and there's always been people that are doing really well. | ||
| And there's always been inspiring people. | ||
| And there's always been thieves. | ||
| There's always been all the bad things that exist now. | ||
| But what now it is, it's like way more people can find you and those people, it does translate into clubs. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And seats. | ||
| They do want to come out. | ||
| And the thing about the show, the reason why this works is because we can all talk about it in a way that a person who doesn't do it can still understand it. | ||
| True. | ||
| Like then go, oh, these guys are like, you could be into whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| Rebuilding muscle cars, playing chess, whatever the fuck it is that you're into. | ||
| When people get really into something, there's a very similar thing that happens. | ||
| You get together with other people that are also really into it and really good at it, and you go, I'm always asking, do you write it out? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Do you just work it out on stage? | ||
| How much time do you spend alone with the bit? | ||
| Because a lot of guys don't like to do anything outside of write little tiny bullet points and then let it all express itself naturally on stage. | ||
| Some of the best guys ever. | ||
| So it's hard to say what's right or what's wrong. | ||
| There's a lot of work to comedy that people don't get, which is the writing, but it's also the listening to yourself, like taping and listening. | ||
| That's the thing I have been doing. | ||
| I have not been doing lately. | ||
| We worked on this thing. | ||
| I'm working on other stuff. | ||
| And it's like, that is the thing where when I go back and go like, you know, when I was really hardcore into the, into like, you know, material turning an hour, that was the thing where it's like, you almost have to like, like you told me you have that tank. | ||
| That's where like go in there with your act, like, especially like a hard show on a Friday, like late show and like listen to it. | ||
| That to me is like a form of torture. | ||
| To hear all the bits that don't work. | ||
| Late shows on Friday, right? | ||
| I disagree. | ||
| He's very optimistic. | ||
| I'm very pessimistic. | ||
| You're optimistic. | ||
| He really is super optimistic. | ||
| I love Friday late shows. | ||
| He pretty much loves everything. | ||
| I like the active audience. | ||
| It fuels me. | ||
| I feel like a lion tamer up there. | ||
| And when Dave's beside me, I'm indestructible. | ||
| It's probably a really good kind of show for people that don't want to be quiet, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Don't want to yell out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Get rowdy. | ||
| We drag people on stage. | ||
| We dice them up. | ||
| We go into the crowd. | ||
| We do all those different things that like, you know, I'll say it. | ||
| I'll say it. | ||
| There's a lot of things that we do are like old school comedy in terms of like old school hockey. | ||
| Like, it's just no longer done. | ||
| It's like, you could say it might be a little cheesy, a little this, a little that. | ||
| But at the end of the day, it's just inappropriate, fun, silly, like move to the next bit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember we were looking in the edit and I go, hey, I gotta tell you, there's like a hundred punchlines in this thing. | ||
| So even if like, you know, the law of average is like, you know, turtles swimming into the ocean, if only like seven are great, that's still a lot for a Netflix special. | ||
| I mean, honestly. | ||
| By the way, our- I'm not patting ourselves on the back, but I am. | ||
| I was like, that's pretty good. | ||
| Our show is, the episodes are three episodes. | ||
| It's Friday, the first one's called Friday. | ||
| They're Saturday and Sunday. | ||
| They're three nights. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And I love that Friday crowd. | ||
| We had, like, Nikki Glaser, Amy Schumer, Rachel Feinstein, Michelle Wolf. | ||
| Yeah, talk about all the people that showed, because we really, like, Jeff called in these, like, amazing people showed up. | ||
| Jamie saying Gilbert was hilarious. | ||
| Gilbert was, he completed us. | ||
| You know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Like, he was the third piece of this, like, ancient, like, scroll. | ||
| Like, once we found that, I was like, where has he been? | ||
| Gilbert is the thing. | ||
| You're going to love it. | ||
| Yeah, that is the best one. | ||
| Gilbert introduces us. | ||
| Gilbert's a savage. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he's... | ||
| What do you think of Gilbert, like, if... | ||
| Okay, like, your kids or whatever. | ||
| Now, I'm trying to think, like, if you were, like, 16 years old, what would you think of Gilbert? | ||
| Like, he's so out of their, like, wheelhouse in terms of, like, what is that? | ||
| I mean, I think he's classic. | ||
| I think he's, like... | ||
| I think I probably would have liked him. | ||
| I think I probably would have thought he was really funny when I was 16. When I was 16, I was really getting into stand-up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| My parents took me to see Live in the Sunset Strip when I was 14, I guess. | ||
| It was out at the movie theater. | ||
| Well, when I first discovered Gilbert, he was like on the MTV Awards imitating Dice. | ||
| So to me, he was like not the hero comic. | ||
| He was the guy that made fun of the hero comic. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| But he was always like... | ||
| People would talk about him in interviews. | ||
| He was always revered by other comedians. | ||
| He's a wild man. | ||
| Like a legit wild man. | ||
| He murdered on our show. | ||
| Standing O. We got a standing O. We have friends from our life in the audience. | ||
| My aunt and his family and Bruce Willis is there and he does a bit with us. | ||
| But I had my friend Craig Moss from high school in the audience with his wife and kids. | ||
| And Dave, like, starts walking around the village underground looking for my guest list, Craig Moss. | ||
| Where's Craig Moss? | ||
| So finally, like, Dave starts goofing on this guy who's just in the audience. | ||
| Yeah, it was a long walk for him. | ||
| And I jump in and go, oh, you know, Craig, when my parents died, Craig was my best friend in a new town. | ||
| So I'm explaining to the audience and Dave who this guy is and how much he did for me as a young man. | ||
| And then Gilbert jumps up out of the audience and just screams, doesn't even need a microphone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, when my parents were alive, Craig came over and killed them! | |
| He just has perfect timing. | ||
| He does. | ||
| He's just his delivery. | ||
| He's an animal. | ||
| No filter with him. | ||
| And that's the beauty of him. | ||
| I'm always like, I don't know how they're going to take it. | ||
| He's like, boom, that's it. | ||
| I'm going to say it three times. | ||
| The kids who love comedy would love him. | ||
| When I was 16, I would listen to everything. | ||
| I always like a mix of different types of comics. | ||
| Like that episode, Bob Saget and Hasan Minhaj are the other guests. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| At one point, we're all up there together. | ||
| And these are guys who might not even know each other in real life, but the comedy kind of brings it together. | ||
| That's awesome, man. | ||
| It's like a party mixed with a roast mixed with a... | ||
| I don't even know, Dave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, it's really cool because Jeff's family, like wherever we would go on the road, Jeff's family, you know, would be like, can I get your comps because I, you know, I've got like three third cousins here. | ||
| I didn't know there were Jews in Oklahoma, but evidently there were, you know, five distinct, you know, 23 and me people out there for me. | ||
| And I was like, it was funny to see, because I'm really a lone wolf. | ||
| Like, I'm on the road alone, you know, I go out there, I do my thing. | ||
| And Jeff really does, like, he's very inclusive with his family, so I give him a lot of credit for that. | ||
| Like, you know, they're all invited, you know, come hang out in the green room and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| So that's cool, and he brought that on stage, like, with your aunt. | ||
| I thought that was, like, one of the best moments of the whole show, you know? | ||
| We bring up my aunt. | ||
| The first episode is my aunt, Bruce Willis, Michelle Wolfe, Amy Schumer, Nikki Glaser, Rachel Fine. | ||
| So it's like a weird mix of... | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| Just to say one more thing about Dave and the flip phone and like how the process works. | ||
| Dave is also the most, like you say, present, but also informed. | ||
| Like he knows all the references. | ||
| He knows what's going on in the world. | ||
| So he's not like he's living in a caveman under the ground. | ||
| I keep my eye out there. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| Do you read newspapers? | ||
| I have a raven sent me the most important news from Westeros. | ||
| He's in the back reading and really getting in touch with the world and the audience. | ||
| He's the first one to say, oh, we're in Vegas. | ||
| Let's talk about this that's going on in Vegas. | ||
| Let's talk about that that's going on in Vegas. | ||
| You know, he'll say it on stage to me, like, he'll bring up all this relevant stuff where, like, I'm the son of a caterer. | ||
| I'm more about this live experience, who's in the audience, who's here. | ||
| I like keeping it to, like, that's that show. | ||
| And I think you agree with it. | ||
| It's like, you'll agree with it, too. | ||
| It's like, each show is its own thing, right? | ||
| So it's like, you know, the fact that it's always, like, some guy taping in the back, you're like, dude, why are you doing that? | ||
| Because this is your experience right now. | ||
| And you know, like Stan Hope, Who is my favorite comic? | ||
| Doug Stanhope. | ||
| He was the first guy that we both talked about this whole thing of, why do people think that capturing this show is important? | ||
| They're all so disposable. | ||
| It's like beautiful fireworks. | ||
| It's never going to happen again like that. | ||
| So you might as well just soak it all in instead of trying to capture it. | ||
| And I think when we talk about topical stuff, I do that as a joke writing thing, but also as a keeping the act alive. | ||
| Because I feel like my job in this team is to push it forward. | ||
| It's like, "Okay, Jeff, what else is happening?" Like, to keep moving it? | ||
| Otherwise, we can always get into a loop of, like, you know, just putting each other down or, like, working the crowd. | ||
| So I like to move it forward, and I think that the cool thing about that is that, like, it does. | ||
| It does move forward to an end, you know? | ||
| When people are making those videos, they're not making those videos to look back on them. | ||
| They're making those videos so that other people can see it. | ||
| That's the difference between today and the past. | ||
| Are you for that or against it? | ||
| I'm neither. | ||
| I think your personal experience is going to be better if you just watch it. | ||
| But I'm not you. | ||
| Maybe you just get more of a jolly off of filming a clip and putting that clip on Facebook and getting a million downloads. | ||
| I just know that when I go to a place and I'm working on new material, I want it to be figured out and then put it on the way I want it. | ||
| But I totally understand what you're saying, which is like it's an open world now, and it's just like the idea of controlling is like an antiquated idea. | ||
| But I think that, for me at least as the joke writer, I just want it to where it's going to be. | ||
| And then get it out. | ||
| I totally understand. | ||
| And I completely agree. | ||
| I think if we establish an etiquette, you know, and most comedy clubs say you can't film. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's a reason for that. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| I don't know what, like, I have a bit right now that I'm working on and I've only done it twice. | ||
| And it's all over the fucking place. | ||
| If I somehow or another released it, like if I had to do a Netflix special tomorrow and I had to do that bit, I'd be fucked. | ||
| I'd be like, what is this? | ||
| This malformed, gelatinous, preposterous form of a joke. | ||
| Yeah, you're working on it. | ||
| Yeah, but I know for a fact that six months from now, there's fruit in this. | ||
| I know the subject is, there's something to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I used to figure out what that something is, and it's going to take a while, and there's going to be a lot of missteps. | ||
| There's just no way around it. | ||
| And the only way for us to do this is, like, if you are a musician, I'm sure it feels awesome to practice in front of a crowd, but you can practice at home. | ||
| Like, you can actually get the band together and play the whole song. | ||
| We can't do that. | ||
| I'm glad you brought that up, because people always bring music as like, you know, it's kind of like music. | ||
| I'm like, it's kind of not like music. | ||
| You need the audience. | ||
| It's not like music at all. | ||
| If anything, I really, you know, talk about, like, self-hate. | ||
| For a long time, I'm like, how come, like, my bits don't rock, like, within six months? | ||
| And I'm like, you know, then I started, like... | ||
| Like, directors and writers and whatever. | ||
| Everybody has first drafts. | ||
| Everybody has it. | ||
| And, like, the best people have multiple drafts. | ||
| And it's the same thing with the joke, where it's like, it'll work, and then it won't work, and then you'll change a line, and then it'll work better, and then it won't. | ||
| And you're feeling it out. | ||
| You're feeling out the bit. | ||
| You and your head are filling in the holes that you only can see because you're the creator. | ||
| And I love that process, but it also is terrifying. | ||
| You know, it really is. | ||
| Like, where is it going to go? | ||
| But... | ||
| Basically saying, okay, that's finished now because it got like a little laugh. | ||
| You're like, I'm not satisfied. | ||
| There's something more to this. | ||
| Yeah, but you have a real issue with this because Dave will get a joke, you know. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Sure, he's the creator and he knows where the holes of his own material are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Go ahead. | |
| No one is more connected to him than me watching the process, especially when we're on tour and doing a week of shows. | ||
| We know each other's moves and we see how it develops. | ||
| He'll finally get a joke, not where it's killing, where it's like a showstopper. | ||
| Like, kill it! | ||
| Like, what do we do now? | ||
| Where I run around a circle, like, the joke's hitting so hard that we have to do something while they're laughing. | ||
| You know, take a sip, or sometimes we'll just, like, roll around on the floor. | ||
| And I'll destroy it. | ||
| And then the next night, I'll go, Dave, what's your workout routine like? | ||
| I'll give him a softball layup to go, like, close the show with this joke, and he'll look at me like I'm speaking another language. | ||
| He'll just be, like, in his eyes, farting. | ||
| Fuck you, Jeff. | ||
| I'm not repeating myself night to night. | ||
| And he'll deconstruct and completely rearrange the same joke! | ||
| I will turn that funny into a boring couch. | ||
| I'll IKEA that joke into a snooze fest. | ||
| Isn't that also the mindset that keeps you present while you're doing the bit? | ||
| It keeps him present. | ||
| It keeps me aggravated. | ||
| I really am letting down the team there. | ||
| It's like, feed me, feed me. | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| But I think that's the cool of it. | ||
| I also have a problem with if a joke works continuously. | ||
| Some way I'm like, there's something wrong with that attack. | ||
| Yeah, but then we go to shoot a Netflix special and you're not using your A material. | ||
| No, I am! | ||
| Dude, I think of the jokes as children. | ||
| I gave up a lot of my firstborn there. | ||
| Yeah, the ugly ones. | ||
| That's not true! | ||
| My pharmacist joke, my homest joke. | ||
| It's because it's so important to have that mindset to be a great club comic, right? | ||
| Because every show has to be its own thing. | ||
| That keeps you restart for every show. | ||
| There's nothing worse than seeing somebody go over and over and over the same thing every year you see them. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| Because it could be so much better. | ||
| As a person who's a comic, you understand what they're doing. | ||
| They just don't want to take any chances. | ||
| But as a person who's... | ||
| How good it feels to write something new and eventually get it to the point where you could say it? | ||
| Gilbert live is hilarious, right? | ||
| But for years, he's gotten out of it now, but for years he wouldn't update his material. | ||
| And I took my sister and my brother-in-law and John Stamos, we all went to see him at Caroline's one night, and Gilbert's up there, this is like three years ago, Doing, like, Calista Flockhart's two skinny jokes. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's not even updated. | ||
| And we're just dying. | ||
| And by the way, like, Stamos is criticizing him. | ||
| He's, like, whispering in my ear, I heard that five years ago. | ||
| I heard that ten years ago. | ||
| You're on Broadway doing Chicago. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You're doing a 30, 40, 50-year-old play. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chicago! | |
| So I defended Gilbert, but I did talk to Gilbert and Dara, and Gilbert, you're too funny to not evolve. | ||
| You're first hitting your prime as a comedian, and now, to his credit, he's on another level. | ||
| That's great, though, that you inspired him to start writing again. | ||
| I embarrassed him to start writing again. | ||
| That's fucking great. | ||
| But when he's with us, like when that thing I said to Jeff, I go, if we ever tour again, we have to bring him on some of these gigs because he really does like, he was the third element of this, whatever, chemistry of the thing that really did, for me at least, I always knew that like if it wasn't going anything with me and Jeff, and that's the truth of it too, and people will see that in the show that there's, you know, there's a couple of bits that go nowhere, but we left them in to show people that it's real and all that kind of stuff, but What about Norm? | ||
| Did you guys do anything with Norm? | ||
| I wish we could do something with Norm. | ||
| He's got a thing on Netflix. | ||
| Yeah, but he was in L.A. We were in New York. | ||
| He's another dude. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| God damn, he's good. | ||
| I wish he would. | ||
| Yeah, Norm, there's nobody like him as a stand-up. | ||
| I'm not saying we will, but if we ever do this again, this bumping mics day, we should get Norm. | ||
| Did you see his tweets? | ||
| His Thanksgiving tweets? | ||
| No. | ||
| Once again, on my flip phone. | ||
| I read about friends. | ||
| I retweeted it. | ||
| He's just so ridiculous, man. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| There's something about Norm's ability to... | ||
| I have this thing about timing. | ||
| I don't know what you think about it, but there's something about the timing that... | ||
| I know in today's world that people don't care about that. | ||
| It's more about identity and all that stuff. | ||
| But Norm is a master of timing. | ||
| He really is a master of timing. | ||
| And this whole thing that he's trying to do where he's finding these classic jokes, I love that. | ||
| No, he's genius. | ||
| There is no one like him. | ||
| My first road gig ever was opening for Norm. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it was probably... | ||
| Your first road gig ever? | ||
| 1991, maybe? | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| At Catch Princeton, somehow I talked my way into an MC spot, and Rich Voss was the middle. | ||
| And Norm was the headliner. | ||
| And Norm was only famous for doing a few late night shows. | ||
| Whatever wasn't Letterman at the time. | ||
| What was the other one? | ||
| Was it Thick of the Night or something? | ||
| Bob Costas? | ||
| No, it was... | ||
| Remember? | ||
| He had Leader with Bob Costas? | ||
| It wasn't as cool as that, even. | ||
| Bill Boggs? | ||
| I'm gonna keep you... | ||
| It was some show you'll remember in a few minutes and you go, oh yeah, some late night show. | ||
| Like syndicated show. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| But like... | ||
| And I meet Norm and he's... | ||
| Catch Princeton, he'd do 45 minutes every show. | ||
| He either destroyed or he got zero laughs for 45 minutes. | ||
| And whenever he got zero laughs, he would stand by the door and say goodbye to people as they left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's great. | |
| And if he killed, he would go back up to the room with Voss and we would play poker. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| He was so anti. | ||
| And then while we were there, he got booked on Letterman for the first time. | ||
| And I had a Jeep. | ||
| My sister bought me a Jeep with the money she got from a car accident. | ||
| And I drove Norm. | ||
| The best. | ||
| Hi, Robin. | ||
| And I drove Norm to his Letterman taping, his first Letterman. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| I learned a lot that week. | ||
| What a great guy to have as the first guy you opened for. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Todd Barry was so obsessed with Norm, he came out and slept on my bed. | ||
| The first guy I ever opened for was a guy named Warren McDonald. | ||
| It was a really funny, like, old-school veteran Boston comic. | ||
| But the second guy I opened for was Lenny Clark. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Lenny Clark gave me advice that was totally contrary to his brother's advice. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| His brother, Mike Clark, who's the best, nicest guy in the world. | ||
| I love Mike. | ||
| He helped me out a lot. | ||
| He's fucking awesome. | ||
| Mike booked me back when nobody would book me, when I was just starting out. | ||
| When I opened for Lenny, he goes, kid, you're funny, but you're too fucking dirty. | ||
| He said that? | ||
| Yeah, he just told me. | ||
| For Boston? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like, you've got to clean your act up. | ||
| And then Lenny Clark came off stage and goes, whatever you do, don't clean your act up. | ||
| Don't listen to him, kid. | ||
| He gave me great advice. | ||
| That's strong. | ||
| I love those two guys. | ||
| The nicest. | ||
| They're so Boston, too. | ||
| Those guys are Boston to the core. | ||
| And when I was preparing, I did a roast of the Boston Cops. | ||
| And Mike really helped me, like, warm up. | ||
| Got me a bunch of local gigs in the Boston flavor. | ||
| Oh, beautiful. | ||
| For the Irish people, the Italian people. | ||
| It's a good place to do comedy, man. | ||
| That is definitely, of the two towns I'm thinking right now, Boston and Philly are the two towns that have changed dramatically, comedically, and also just in terms of, like, when you walk around in Boston now, you're not like, hey, I'm going to get jumped, you know, because I'm wearing a Yankee. | ||
| I'm wearing a Yankee. | ||
| You know, if anything, it's like, you know, everybody here is so, like, metro, and, you know, someone's going to invite me to, like, a poetry reading at a wine, you know, bar or something like that. | ||
| It's very metro, and the comedy there is still good, but it's funny that old Boston was such a challenge. | ||
| It really was, like, especially outsiders. | ||
| What year did you start going to Knicks? | ||
| In their 90s, you know? | ||
| Those were savage times. | ||
| Yeah, they really were. | ||
| Savage times. | ||
| They were battles every time. | ||
| And they had local headliners that could... | ||
| Destroy you. | ||
| The greatest comics ever offstage. | ||
| It was definitely one of those things you were terrified. | ||
| Where you would hear just like, hey, you know what? | ||
| Gee, I don't know what to tell you, but Gavin might come down. | ||
| You're like, okay. | ||
| He just wants to do a few minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They would go on stage just to fuck with you. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You had to earn it. | |
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I didn't earn it every time. | ||
| Comics were mean back then. | ||
| I don't know if it's still like that for people starting out, but comics were mean. | ||
| But that was their town, and they saw you coming into their town, and they were like, you better prove it. | ||
| It's like before Step Up Revolution, you had to own it. | ||
| I never hold grudges. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| People who were douchey to me in the beginning, I'm like, I don't know, I wasn't ready for your respect. | ||
| I'll learn it eventually. | ||
| Good for you, man. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| That's a great attitude. | ||
| Buddy Hackett said that to me once. | ||
| He said, when you're holding a grudge, the other guy's out dancing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's a great piece of advice. | ||
| Wasted energy. | ||
| That was a horrible Hackett, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was going on back then? | |
| How dare you? | ||
| What was going on back then was a famine mentality, and I don't think we have that anymore. | ||
| I think that famine mentality is gone, because now everybody realizes that with the internet, there's literally an unlimited amount of viewers and people that can come to your gigs. | ||
| It's way more beneficial for them to know that, like, if you're talking about someone that's really good, for them to know you have good taste. | ||
| Like, if Dave says, oh, you gotta see Jeff Ross as a fucking hilarious comedian, and I go, well, I love Dave, so he must be right. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| That's the podcast world. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| That's the podcast. | ||
| And this is the not having a famine mentality. | ||
| That's the thing that fucked us back in the early days. | ||
| Like, in Boston, it was before my time, because when I came along, they had already started, like, Stephen Wright had been on, was he on Letterman? | ||
| And then, you know, like, Jay Leno had already taken off, and he was on Letterman all the time. | ||
| Those guys had already, like, broken through to TV. But there was a sense that some of them had that, like, where's mine? | ||
| Like, how come I didn't get it? | ||
| Absolutely, yeah. | ||
| Because there was only a tiny amount of slots. | ||
| It's not like Stephen Wright couldn't go on Letterman and say, hey, you think I'm funny? | ||
| You gotta see this guy, Lenny Clark. | ||
| Or you gotta see this guy, Don Gavin. | ||
| Or you gotta see Steve Sweeney. | ||
| All these murderers that he came up with. | ||
| And they were all like, where's mine? | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Too many spots. | ||
| Too few spots. | ||
| But also, we're of the generation, and not to make this a whole trip to the Museum of Comedy, but we're of the generation where we actually saw people who crush a room. | ||
| Like, crush a room. | ||
| Today, everyone's like, oh, you killed it, you crushed it. | ||
| But seeing Richard Janney at his height, at Caroline's or something like that, crush that room. | ||
| People leaving exhausted, where it's like, two hours in, you're like, oh, he hasn't even had his this thing yet. | ||
| And he's like, he'll get off the stage and he's like, ah, what did you think of that tag? | ||
| I'm like, dude, you threw out like a million jokes up there. | ||
| I would watch that and I'd be like, oh my god, that's terrifying to see. | ||
| It was like watching a wave come at you and it was like what people consider now killing a room or crushing a room. | ||
| I never got to see Sam Kinison or any of those people live, but I assumed that was the same thing of where people could not breathe. | ||
| They leave the room just going like, oh man, I'm just exhausted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got to see Kinison, but I didn't get to see him until after he had released his HBO special. | ||
| And after he released his HBO special, all that material was gone. | ||
| Like, what I would have wanted to see was that, because that was like a culmination of 10 years of doing stand-up. | ||
| And then, boom, he does that HBO special, and it's just a murderous nuclear missile. | ||
| But I saw him after that. | ||
| So what year was that, that he did the HBO? Because I wonder what year when I saw him. | ||
| I think it was either 85 or 86. I think it was 86. So if I saw him at Rascals at a sold-out show, and I was in college, and I knew how funny he was, he was probably already famous. | ||
| Man, but was he at Rascals? | ||
| Wouldn't he be doing a bigger venue by then? | ||
| I guess you're right. | ||
| I remember it felt like a special event. | ||
| I saw him at theaters. | ||
| I saw him at a couple of big places. | ||
| I saw him at one place down the Cape. | ||
| I want to say it was like... | ||
| If I had a guest today, I would say it's somewhere around 2,000 seats. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And I saw him at Great Woods, which is considerably larger than that. | ||
| And that's right after his HBO special. | ||
| And this is 80? | ||
| This is 86, 87. Wow. | ||
| I used to work at Great Woods in college. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| I worked for WBUR, the public radio station, and I would record classic music concerts as an engineer. | ||
| That's hilarious, dude. | ||
| Great Woods. | ||
| They called it Tanglewood or something. | ||
| What'd they call it? | ||
| Great Woods, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well, Great Woods and Mansfield. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was a security guard there. | ||
| Wouldn't that have been weird if we knew each other? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| This is better than LinkedIn. | ||
| How did you guys? | ||
| I was the reluctant security guard. | ||
| Because I would always bring a hoodie with me. | ||
| And if shit went down, I'd cover up my security jacket and get the fuck out of Dodge. | ||
| I thought you'd throw in. | ||
| I brought a hoodie with me after my first couple days on the job. | ||
| The first day on the job, there's a dude named Alley Cat. | ||
| He was a dude who ran the security. | ||
| They caught some drunk kid who stole a golf cart. | ||
| So they chased him down, tackled him, and he was beating him in the face with a walkie-talkie. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| And I was like, alrighty, it's one of these jobs. | ||
| One of these jobs. | ||
| And I'm not a big person. | ||
| I'm 5'8". | ||
| You're still like that now, outside the fight looking in. | ||
| Yes, exactly, right? | ||
| And back then I was competing, so I was only like 160 pounds. | ||
| I was really lightened. | ||
| I was not getting any tangles with some big giant drunk dudes. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, for what, 20 bucks an hour or whatever I'm getting? | ||
| So I would just bring a hoodie with me. | ||
| And when shit went down, it would zip up, and one day, shit went down. | ||
| The Neil Young concert. | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| During the Neil Young concert, the back area is all grass, and they started bonfires. | ||
| These fucking crazy Neil Young fans threw a bunch of shit on the ground and just started fires. | ||
| And then they started trying to break up these fires, and people were pushing security guards, and then my friend Larry, who's like the nicest guy in the world, punched this guy in the stomach, and I'm like, okay, that's it. | ||
| If Larry's punching people, he's the nicest guy ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These people are drunk and crazy. | |
| Dude, I put that fucking hoodie on, and I'm out. | ||
| I just walked straight to my car and drove the fuck home. | ||
| I didn't get my last paycheck, nothing. | ||
| I'm like, I'm out. | ||
| It was a full-blown riot. | ||
| Dudes were throwing down piles of people, beating the shit out of each other. | ||
| There was fires. | ||
| They canceled the concert. | ||
| They shut the concert in the middle of what's happening. | ||
| Who was the opener? | ||
| I don't think that was the problem. | ||
| There was two problems. | ||
| Sometimes when you were in the back area where the grass was, the acoustics weren't so good. | ||
| So when people went to see comics, it was bad. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Maybe they fixed the sound, but back then it was a big issue. | ||
| You had to be inside the canopy to hear what the fuck was going on. | ||
| What do you think of oddball and outdoor comedy? | ||
| What do you think of that? | ||
| I've done some outdoor things. | ||
| I did a big outdoor place in Kansas City this year, and it was really fun. | ||
| It was fucking awesome. | ||
| Yeah, but it was a summer night. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
| We got lucky with the rain. | ||
| There was no rain or anything. | ||
| When Jeff and I did the oddball, like, we went on together, that was my most fun doing the oddball thing, and I always thought it was a great, like, Jeff Wills is super cool to comics and everything like that, but, like, the only guy I've ever seen, like, actually look like he's having a great time was Chappelle doing it. | ||
| Like, I really, like, he's, like, so comfortable everywhere, but, like, in the outdoor venue, you know, he's, like, taking his time. | ||
| He makes it like a club. | ||
| Yeah, like, it's just amazing to watch him do it, but the outdoor thing with the can-never-hear, you know, like, the joke going off into outer space, that definitely is something that, you know, even the theater in the round, which is one I saw Rodney Dangerfield in when I was, like, 17... | ||
| And that was another situation where the guy was just like crushing, crushing, crushing, and the room cannot breathe, that kind of thing. | ||
| And I was like, this is in the round. | ||
| I was like, wow, that's weird. | ||
| I was 17. I was like, wow, is this how it goes? | ||
| Why is he circling around like that? | ||
| Is that part of it? | ||
| I didn't understand that it was in the round. | ||
| But I realized that that's another really hard venue to play, is the round. | ||
| Yeah, I've only done a few of those. | ||
| I did that place in Phoenix. | ||
| That one's in the round, the Hollywood Theater. | ||
| That's a great spot. | ||
| Oh, I know what you're talking about. | ||
| I think Louis did one of his HBO specials there. | ||
| Because George Carlin did one, right? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did so many of them. | ||
| That guy did them everywhere. | ||
| Every year. | ||
| That is bananas. | ||
| That's one of the craziest pieces ever. | ||
| And talk about someone who did it totally differently. | ||
| He would basically write a monologue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would write... | ||
| Not working at all. | ||
| Not working out. | ||
| Well, you kind of tighten it up on stage, they would say. | ||
| You know, as time, you know, the bits, as you would just keep doing them and figure out a better way to do them. | ||
| So you'd write it out first? | ||
| Write the whole thing out. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Yeah, and he did it every year. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That was at the height of that HBO comedy thing. | ||
| You'd tune in specific just to see the special. | ||
| Well, he was in a different place than anybody else because of how prolific he was. | ||
| And some would say, like, yeah, but some of it wasn't my favorite stuff. | ||
| And, like, listen... | ||
| It is impossible to write an hour every fucking year and have it your best version of that hour. | ||
| You need more time a lot of the time. | ||
| But he had to honor that commitment of getting the special out. | ||
| Right, but what he did was, he did something that was slightly different than comedy either. | ||
| Because a lot of it was like a state of the union. | ||
| A state of civilization. | ||
| It wasn't just comedy. | ||
| It's like, here's a really wise old guy He was super smart. | ||
| He was mocking shit, but he has some really good points, and he's going to do this every year. | ||
| So it was different. | ||
| It wasn't like he never worked out in clubs. | ||
| I went to see him once, and he had this whole bit about fuck everything. | ||
| It was like basically fuck this and fuck that, and part of it was comedy clubs. | ||
| He's like, they say, George, you've got to work out your shit in comedy clubs. | ||
| He goes, fuck comedy clubs! | ||
| Really? | ||
| I went crazy. | ||
| I saw him years later at the store. | ||
| I mean, he was just fucking around. | ||
| That's when I knew I'd made it. | ||
| I was at the improv back in the day, and I was probably going on at 2 a.m., and I still have it. | ||
| It was a schedule that had George Carlin going on at like 9.30. | ||
| So like five hours later, I went on at a prom show or something, but Carlin came into the improv. | ||
| I got to say hi to him in the back patio of the store. | ||
| Just hi. | ||
| How you doing? | ||
| Nice to meet you. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, wow. | ||
| I saw him at the Aspen Comedy Festival. | ||
| He didn't hang with comics. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah, no, no. | ||
| He definitely... | ||
| He wasn't into hanging with comics necessarily, right? | ||
| Remember once he kind of dissed the Friars Club. | ||
| He's like, I don't want to hang with the older guys. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| I saw him at the Aspen Comedy Festival and he was not doing anything. | ||
| He had substance stuff going on. | ||
| He was treating himself to one glass of wine a day. | ||
| But you know how up to the brim? | ||
| It's one of those where you see him sipping on it. | ||
| And he's looking at me like, hmm. | ||
| He's like, oh, he's a new comic. | ||
| I'm like, hello, Mr. Carlin. | ||
| And he's like, hmm. | ||
| And back to the sipping on this one glass of wine. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Well, he got injured, right? | ||
| And had a pain pill problem. | ||
| Oh, did he? | ||
| So many fucking people, man. | ||
| He was a hardcore 70s guy, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He did a lot of that back in the day. | ||
| But I think the pain pills was later on in his life, and he just had reached a point where he realized, I've got an issue. | ||
| I've got to stop this. | ||
| I respect that he really committed to his craft. | ||
| Maybe he was trying to do other stuff here and there. | ||
| He did a few acting things, but that was not his thing. | ||
| Yeah, his thing was those HBO specials every year. | ||
| No one else was doing that back then. | ||
| The quicker you figure out what your thing is, it's such a lucky thing. | ||
| His thing was always having a brilliant social point with humor attached to it. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| Some of his best bits. | ||
| We're just, like, really good points about hypocrisy and the ridiculousness of our civilization with, like, really good punchlines. | ||
| He would write to his subject. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chris Rock does that, too. | ||
| He also, like, with religion, he was, like, the first guy to really, like, you know, him and Bill Hicks, I always thought were, like, you know, that was so cool, their takes on religion, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you know, Lenny Bruce obviously opened that door. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| He was the guy that opened the door. | ||
| He was a pain in the ass. | ||
| That's what Hackett used to tell me. | ||
| About Lenny Bruce? | ||
| Lenny was just a pain in the ass that got everybody in trouble all the time. | ||
| There'd be cops at the comedy clubs and shit. | ||
| You can't be that guy unless you're a pain in the ass. | ||
| I mean, he was arrested multiple times for saying bad words. | ||
| A guy like him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think we need a guy like him, in a sense. | ||
| The crowd is the filter. | ||
| He would have been a different guy if he lived today. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, if he was alive today, he would just be a great comic. | ||
| He wouldn't have to do all the shit that he had to do. | ||
| It's hard for us to... | ||
| Whenever you go back and listen to stuff like Lenny Bruce, it's really almost impossible, unless you live through it, to put yourself in that time. | ||
| That's why... | ||
| I can kind of put myself back in the 80s. | ||
| I can kind of remember vaguely. | ||
| I have a sense of what it was like. | ||
| I can kind of tell you. | ||
| I don't have a goddamn clue as to what it was like in the 60s. | ||
| And so when he was doing this, we have to put it in context that there was no freedom. | ||
| You couldn't say certain words. | ||
| You couldn't talk about certain subjects. | ||
| I mean, really crazy restrictions on the way people talked, and they brought him into court over and over and over again. | ||
| Essentially bankrupt him, he couldn't work anymore, and by the end he died of heroin on the fucking bathroom floor. | ||
| I mean, he became a mess, and a lot of him being a mess was him dealing with his court cases. | ||
| There's recordings of him where he's going on stage with his legal papers, just reading the legal papers to the audience. | ||
| He lost his fucking mind. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But we also came up in a club system, and I consider myself a club comically. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| That's what I'm supposed to do. | ||
| But these guys were before, like you say, Hackett and all these guys. | ||
| Way before the club system, they played the Catskills. | ||
| They played a Jewish camp somewhere. | ||
| They did that kind of thing. | ||
| That was their proving ground, and I'm sure that was probably... | ||
| The hardest of the hardest gigs to do. | ||
| It's an all-ages show. | ||
| There may be a late show where they get to be a little saucier, but it really is a tough thing, and it's the same crowd for a whole week. | ||
| I mean, honestly. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, so I give it up to those guys. | ||
| Joan Rivers, who I think also is an unsung hero of comedy. | ||
| She crosses over that thing from where TV comedy becomes a big deal, where you see him on Johnny Carson and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| I love her sets. | ||
| I miss her, man. | ||
| Yeah, she really was a great joke writer. | ||
| She was a savage, too. | ||
| She'd go after it. | ||
| Well, who else stayed relevant at 80 years old? | ||
| Who else had new material at 80? | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| It's really just those two. | ||
| Just Carlin and her. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who else? | ||
| And she died trying to improve her voice, her instrument. | ||
| Like, she was still staying in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sad one. | ||
| I was at her funeral. | ||
| It was really amazing. | ||
| It was like a king died. | ||
| She was the greatest. | ||
| She had some serious fucking horsepower when it came to her ability to deliver punchlines. | ||
| One of the best books I ever read, young comics out there, read Enter Talking by Joan Rivers about her early days in stand-up and acting. | ||
| It's really a good book. | ||
| Don't read Ladies and Gentlemen Lenny Bruce because you'll start putting foil over your windows and shooting up. | ||
| I did read that. | ||
| It's a great book, right? | ||
| That's how I started. | ||
| I took a comedy class in New York. | ||
| Who was teaching? | ||
| Lee Frank, a buddy of mine. | ||
| He's out here just writing. | ||
| And I was a fat loser living in New Jersey with my grandfather, and my buddy said, hey, take this comedy class. | ||
| I think you'd be good at it. | ||
| I go, what? | ||
| He's like, yeah, I think you'd be good at it. | ||
| And I thought, well, it's near the bus station where I would go to work and then go visit my grandpa and take care of him. | ||
| He was sick. | ||
| And I would just go to this class for three hours. | ||
| It was like a way to socialize, really. | ||
| I didn't have a desire. | ||
| I didn't even know what stand-up was. | ||
| But the first assignment was to memorize a comedian's act. | ||
| And do it just for the class. | ||
| Just to get a sense of timing and what it was like. | ||
| Right? | ||
| We understood it wasn't our material. | ||
| It wasn't about that at all. | ||
| And I heard Lenny Bruce was the coolest. | ||
| So I went to the Springfield Public Library. | ||
| I took out a Lenny Bruce live at Carnegie Hall. | ||
| Double album. | ||
| I still have it. | ||
| And I memorized this routine and I didn't get it. | ||
| The class didn't get it. | ||
| And I realized like... | ||
| God, context is everything. | ||
| It just wasn't funny. | ||
| It didn't hold up at all. | ||
| It made almost no sense to me. | ||
| So I realized it really is like you were saying before, Dave, the moment present, the experience of being there. | ||
| People were so restricted back then in terms of their access to information, in terms of the way they talked to each other, that anything outside of the norm, anything being broadcast, and we have to also remember that broadcasting itself was only like 40 or 50 years old then. | ||
| So this is a fairly new medium, right? | ||
| And anything that was even remotely just outside of what the accepted standard operating way of behaving was, was considered decadent and racy and this dirty Lenny. | ||
| He would talk about things that you're not supposed to talk about that. | ||
| Yeah, the taboo subjects. | ||
| But today, that same stuff has already been, he opened the door, Richard Pryor kicked it down, lit it on fire, Eddie Murphy nuclear bombed it, and then it kept going on, and Kenison and Hicks, and there's nothing there anymore. | ||
| There's no shame in any of these subjects anymore. | ||
| There's no built-in weirdness to it that he experienced back then. | ||
| And he would have never been able to do comedy any differently. | ||
| I think that's also what we need to understand. | ||
| As if, like, Eddie Murphy went back to 1960 and did his same kind of material that he did in Raw, they wouldn't take, it wouldn't, everybody would be like, he's yelling at us. | ||
| Like, what is he doing? | ||
| This is not comedy. | ||
| Like, they wouldn't be ready for it. | ||
| There's these stages that have to happen. | ||
| And I think you kind of have to have a guy like Lenny who's, like, spelling it out for people. | ||
| And then a guy like Carlin takes it to a different place. | ||
| And then they just keep going. | ||
| And then Pryor comes along and introduces this, like, incredible honesty to it. | ||
| It's like each comic had one less layer of exposition in their act. | ||
| Almost like they opened for each other by decade or by five years or something. | ||
| Almost, right? | ||
| That's so interesting. | ||
| And Kinison, when Kinison came around, it was the first time that I'd ever saw something. | ||
| I went, oh, well, comedy could be anything. | ||
| Because I thought that comedy was these guys who would go on a Tonight Show, because that's mostly what I'd see. | ||
| Where they would go, did you ever notice? | ||
| And they would be talking about stuff they noticed. | ||
| And I loved it. | ||
| I would love stand-up comedy. | ||
| But I never thought that stand-up comedy was anything like Kinison. | ||
| When I saw Kinison for the first time, I was like, oh, this is a totally different thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, this guy's doing a totally different thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| He's doing an inner, anxious monologue. | ||
| When he was standing in front of a guy going, you know, look at this face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You getting married? | |
| Look at this face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was married twice! | ||
| I was married for two fucking years! | ||
| Nobody had ever done anything like that before. | ||
| And I remember thinking at that time, like, wow, comedy's really fascinating. | ||
| Because it can be so many different things. | ||
| But he also wanted to be a rock star. | ||
| He was a rock star. | ||
| Yeah, but when you see all those great things that he could do, like his stagecraft, I guess you would call it, the things he could do, he could really hold the stage. | ||
| And in today's world where it's pretty much everyone's low-key, that's kind of like the new style of low-key, whatever. | ||
| That to me always, he was like a force of nature. | ||
| That's what I was like. | ||
| It was like this guy, somebody opened the door and a hurricane came in. | ||
| Do you know that he has something very seriously in common with Roseanne? | ||
| Yeah, they both experienced significant hand injuries at a young age, and then from then on became this new person. | ||
| Roseanne had the exact same story. | ||
| She got hit by a car. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| She got fucked up. | ||
| She was in a mental hospital for nine months. | ||
| High school, yeah. | ||
| Really bad. | ||
| So when people talk about Roseanne and say bad things about her, I'm like, you really are doing everyone a disservice by expressing this, the way you're doing it. | ||
| Because you're not even taking into consideration. | ||
| Everything she does, you should take into consideration. | ||
| She had a significant brain, a massive trauma to the brain when she was like 15 years old. | ||
| Her head bounced off of the fender of a fucking car. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She was laid out. | ||
| She was in a coma. | ||
| She was in a mental institution for nine months after that. | ||
| This is like asking someone who has broken legs to not limp. | ||
| That's what you're asking. | ||
| Even when I heard you talk to her about it, she almost skipped over it. | ||
| As if it was something she didn't really want to address. | ||
| And you were like backtracked. | ||
| I had to get it out of her. | ||
| Because this is what I know about her. | ||
| And she knows that I'm a giant fan. | ||
| Like, she knows... | ||
| I always say if you have to list like top 20 comics of all time Roseanne is 100% in there and probably one of the most important ones because what she did when she first got on HBO and she first When people first start she would first of all she would fucking murder domestic god. | ||
| Yeah, she would murder Yeah. | ||
| And she had a totally different style. | ||
| She didn't give a fuck. | ||
| When she was up there, it was the first time you saw a woman who was aggressive and insulting and didn't give a fuck. | ||
| Didn't give a fuck what she looked like. | ||
| Didn't give a fuck what you thought about what she looked like. | ||
| She was just there to be funny. | ||
| And she knew that I had that opinion of her when she did the show. | ||
| So it helped. | ||
| It helped. | ||
| I'm not trying to hurt you in any way, and I just want people to understand who you are. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| She's on a fucking bunch of different psych medicines, man. | ||
| They've got her on all kinds of crazy shit trying to even her out. | ||
| And then on top of that, she's taking Adderall and she's drinking. | ||
| Everybody relax. | ||
| Leave that poor lady alone. | ||
| You're going after her when she's in her 60s for a fuck-up on Twitter. | ||
| And anyone who thinks that that lady looks black is lying. | ||
| You're either full of shit. | ||
| If you didn't know, if I said, okay, you don't know anything about her, What's the ethnicity? | ||
| You'd be like, oh, a boy. | ||
| You know, I saved the picture on my phone in case I get in a conversation with people about it. | ||
| Because it's one of those things where nobody wants to look like they are in any way racist, right? | ||
| No one wants to look at their racist. | ||
| I don't want to, but you also have to be honest. | ||
| It doesn't mean you're racist if you look at that and go... | ||
| I thought that was Stan Natterman. | ||
| She could be a lot of things. | ||
| She could be a lot of things. | ||
| She has long, straight hair, not long, short, straight hair. | ||
| She could be a lot of things. | ||
| This is not obvious. | ||
| And for you to say that it's obvious, you're being disingenuous. | ||
| I can't talk to you because you're not being... | ||
| You're not realistic. | ||
| This is not obvious. | ||
| But Roseanne shouldn't be tweeting about politics in the middle of the night on Ambien. | ||
| Well, she also shouldn't be tweeting about lizard people or any other crazy shit she tweets about. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you know, Roseanne, before her show, when she went from comedy to her show, and once again, it was, you know, like, her act was her show. | ||
| And, like, that was one thing that, like, Right. | ||
| It was organic. | ||
| Like, Ray Romano was another guy who was really good at that, where he would put up, you know, his act. | ||
| He's really a great joke writer, too. | ||
| He would, like, totally, like, have these great jokes about his family and his wife and the expectations of their relationship. | ||
| And then that became the essence of that show. | ||
| So then you see, like, everybody, you remember, there was definitely a decade of, like, agents going, like, hey, you gotta get, like, you know, you know, did you have a dog growing up? | ||
| Do a joke about that, you know, and, like, try and get a sitcom going on that thing. | ||
| I went through all that shit. | ||
| I got lucky. | ||
| I got super lucky. | ||
| I got super lucky, first of all, that I never had my own show. | ||
| So I never had to carry anything. | ||
| And then two, I did a really shitty one first. | ||
| A one that should have been really funny, but then too many people got involved and it got too convoluted and fucked up and it just didn't work. | ||
| And that show got cancelled. | ||
| And then I got lucky that I got on a show that they already did the pilot. | ||
| When I came onto news radio, Ray Romano was supposed to do the pilot. | ||
| He gets fired. | ||
| They hired a new guy. | ||
| And then they filmed the pilot. | ||
| And then after they filmed the pilot, they got rid of the new guy. | ||
| And then I came in. | ||
| There was a lot of steps. | ||
| So you jumped the hard part of... | ||
| I jumped all of it. | ||
| But I mean, creatively, there's no way you found that fulfilling. | ||
| Maybe at the time it was. | ||
| News radio was unusually free in how much you could create. | ||
| You could constantly improve lines. | ||
| Those guys were pretty special, yeah. | ||
| Paul Simms is a genius and the nicest guy in the world. | ||
| And he would let you... | ||
| He's no ego. | ||
| What's the best shit? | ||
| Dave Foley was constantly rewriting jokes and constantly introducing new punchlines. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| If you look at all the punchlines that had ever been on the show, a percentage of them you would attribute to Dave Fowler. | ||
| A significant percentage. | ||
| It's genius. | ||
| But they would let him do it. | ||
| They wanted everybody to do that. | ||
| It's the only job where you want to do more than you're supposed to and you're mad if they don't let you. | ||
| There was eight people on the show, too. | ||
| It's a lot of human beings to be talking for 22 minutes. | ||
| And, of course, Phil was the star. | ||
| Phil Hartman was a big star. | ||
| He was so talented, that guy. | ||
| So talented. | ||
| He was also super professional. | ||
| That guy would prepare. | ||
| He would have a clipboard or a notebook with all of his scenes in there with different colors for the tabs, and he would practice them. | ||
| You'd see him sitting there by himself just going over his lines and moving his head back. | ||
| An actor. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he was a fucking meticulous professional. | ||
| I hate acting. | ||
| I'm so bad at it. | ||
| Some guys, especially the comics where they go and they get that sitcom. | ||
| Grab that microphone. | ||
| Oh, sorry, buddy. | ||
| The comics, they get the sitcom and then they ride it as long as they can and then they go back to stand-up. | ||
| And we've seen that, you know, you can throw a dart at like a schedule anywhere in the country and you'll see that guy. | ||
| And I'm always like, you know, isn't it sad that you didn't keep doing the stand-up? | ||
| Because now you're kind of right back to where you started in terms of stand-up, like you didn't get to grow that way. | ||
| They fall apart. | ||
| A lot of them don't do it for years. | ||
| And everybody's always like, this is the best touring time when you have a sitcom. | ||
| But most people don't want to go on tour like that. | ||
| To me, I would be like, yeah, you're right. | ||
| Let's get out there. | ||
| Well, you could do it for a few months, but the time you're filming, you're going to be stuck in L.A. And then on top of that, especially back then, when you start out a sitcom, you're doing 12-hour days until you figure out how to do it. | ||
| True. | ||
| Once the show had been figured out by season three or four, we were down to three days a week sometimes. | ||
| Four days a week, mostly four. | ||
| Very rarely five, unless there was some significant crazy scenes. | ||
| How many did you make? | ||
| We did 98, I think. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| We just did three. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Maybe did 99, something like that. | ||
| But I did 148 Fear Factors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then I did six more. | ||
| Then we did when it came back and six or seven more. | ||
| I think we did seven. | ||
| 148. Yeah. | ||
| That was preposterous. | ||
| That was when I was losing my mind. | ||
| And was it even one a day or was it less than one a day? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| One took three days. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Sometimes you could bang out one in two days. | ||
| Like you could have the B stunt early in the day and the C stunt at night. | ||
| Like the final stunt at night. | ||
| How was that process? | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Again, very fortunate. | ||
| It was a great gig. | ||
| Plenty of money and it was all good. | ||
| It definitely helped my stand-up. | ||
| Because it gave me fuck you money too. | ||
| It gave me the ability to not worry about having money in the bank. | ||
| Because I don't have extravagant tastes. | ||
| I'm not too ridiculous with money. | ||
| But I like feeling like I don't have to worry. | ||
| As soon as you don't have to worry about it, okay, good. | ||
| Don't think about that anymore. | ||
| Now think about other things. | ||
| So it really helped me there. | ||
| And also the preposterousness of it was a boundless source of material. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was just such a ridiculous show. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I hosted a spinoff that didn't get picked up. | ||
| What was it called? | ||
| Say Uncle. | ||
| Herwitz's show, too. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| And I was writing on The Man Show, and that's how I knew David Herwitz, who was producing Fear Factor. | ||
| And they had a show called Say Uncle, which I later parodied in the De Niro movie I wrote, the comedian, called, like... | ||
| Stop Uncle or whatever it was. | ||
| But anyway, one of the big things was a contestant got in a turkey pen and we put maple syrup all over him and he rolled around and these birds pecked at him. | ||
| And his family's there watching and he starts bleeding and I stopped the thing and the producers were mad. | ||
| Stop in the middle. | ||
| I'm like, the guy's crying. | ||
| I go, and it was just a total disaster. | ||
| You could tell it was going to be a big hit, but it was risky. | ||
| And then I remember going to Jimmy Kimmel's, like, premiere party for Jimmy Kimmel Live, and I saw the head of ABC there, and I'd never done this in my entire life. | ||
| He was, like, getting a drink, and I walked over, and I said, please don't pick it up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I said, yeah, it's rough. | ||
| It's going to be too hard to stand behind. | ||
| Really? | ||
| We're torturing people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And they didn't pick it up. | ||
| He just kind of looked at me and smiled. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| This would have been 2003. Yeah, that was right after Fear Factor was first launched. | ||
| When those shows, what happens is you get used to one thing, and so you have to do something that's bigger and better the next year. | ||
| And so when we came back, I felt uncomfortable with a lot of the shit. | ||
| They know how to do it. | ||
| These stunt guys are top of the food chain, but they were doing some sketchy shit. | ||
| Like one of them we had these people chained to a tree with bungee cords that were attached to a helicopter And they had to figure out the right locks to unlock the bungee cord that they're the straps that keep them to the tree And then as soon as they do they undo the strap and they go fucking shooting out into space into the center of this gigantic Canyon and they're bouncing underneath this And I remember thinking, like, this doesn't... | ||
| If we could do this a thousand times, one of them, someone's going to die. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| One of them, someone's going to die, and it might be the next one. | ||
| But it never happened. | ||
| We got lucky, dude. | ||
| I really feel like we got lucky. | ||
| I really, really, honestly, 100% feel like we got lucky. | ||
| There was a few things. | ||
| First of all, there's a certain amount of risk that you take whenever you're doing anything like jumping a car off of a building roof, which we did. | ||
| We had people fly cars across a train, a moving train. | ||
| There's risk involved in that, right? | ||
| But the one that scared the shit out of me the most was bull riding. | ||
| We had people ride bulls. | ||
| It was the only time I told contestants, don't do it. | ||
| I'm like, if you wanted to ask me, I would say, don't do it. | ||
| On air? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| On air, I mean, I gave them the standard. | ||
| But when I would talk to them, I'd say, look... | ||
| This is up to you, right? | ||
| I mean, if you want to go on, people do know how to ride bulls. | ||
| But you don't know how to ride a bull. | ||
| We're not teaching you how to ride a bull. | ||
| You're not going through classes. | ||
| You're not slowly but surely building up your techniques. | ||
| You're just going to go ride a bull. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| That's what I would say. | ||
| And we had this girl. | ||
| She was like 98 pounds. | ||
| She got launched off the back of this bull. | ||
| And look at this. | ||
| These people went... | ||
| Fucking flying. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
| That thing's kicking. | ||
| You gotta know how to fall, too. | ||
| Yeah, barely misses them when it's kicking. | ||
| I mean, they're wearing helmets and shit, but look at this, look at this, look at this. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I mean, the fall, the way she felt like that, that is like getting hit in the back of the head with the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, my personal feelings about trauma and about what's dangerous and shit like this, this is a no-no. | ||
| Especially for a 90-pound woman like this poor lady. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| She got up. | ||
| Cute little fella I was back then. | ||
| Yeah, she got up, man. | ||
| She was tough as shit. | ||
| But everybody, I feel like in that one, I feel like we got lucky. | ||
| I feel like we rolled the dice. | ||
| Because if they stomp you, they lacerate livers and crush spleens. | ||
| They can stomp you. | ||
| The funny thing was those stunt guys are so fucking tough. | ||
| Those guys are so used to putting their ass on the line that they don't think anything about someone doing something risky. | ||
| To them, that's what you do. | ||
| You show up for work. | ||
| That's definitely a different, in your head, like alpha something. | ||
| They're animals. | ||
| To have to do that. | ||
| They're like fighters. | ||
| To crave that. | ||
| You've got to wonder what the family is saying. | ||
| Does it keep them from having a family? | ||
| Who's going to marry you if you're throwing your life on the line unrelated to War or famine. | ||
| Well, I think there's a certain allure to it. | ||
| Remember that TV show, The Fall Guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about Evel Knievel? | ||
| Women loved him. | ||
| Women loved Evel Knievel. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Women love risk takers. | ||
| They like BMX guys that do those flips and shit. | ||
| Those guys are crazy. | ||
| Those guys really... | ||
| And now they have the parkour guys where they climb up a building with no any kind of... | ||
| That's what you should do, Dave, so you can smoke. | ||
| You should do parkour outside. | ||
| Sit on an iron grid. | ||
| Do you exercise at all, Dave? | ||
| I do the kettlebells. | ||
| Yeah, you were telling me that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You still doing that? | ||
| You know, can I, you know, because I wanted to ask you this off the mic, but it's like, I seem to be getting more out of pull-ups and just regular calisthenics than I am out of the kettlebell experience. | ||
| I think it's because, like, maybe I'm just more into it now, you know? | ||
| Well, there's definitely no better exercise for you than pull-ups and push-ups. | ||
| That, to me, is the one. | ||
| If somebody had to say for the rest of your life, you've got a pull-up bar and no weights, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you're going to be okay. | ||
| I'd be like, I'll take that over not having a pull-up bar. | ||
| Because I think there's certain kind of workouts that you only get when you manipulate your own body, too. | ||
| Push-ups, I think, too. | ||
| Because you could vary your push-up widths. | ||
| You could do so many things just with chin-ups and push-ups and then with body weight, like single leg squats and things like that. | ||
| You can get a tremendous workout in with just a chin-up bar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there's something about that do a hundred of them. | ||
| I can't even do ten. | ||
| Ten would be great for me. | ||
| But the guys who can do a hundred, it's so hard. | ||
| It's almost like torture to do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chin-ups? | |
| Chin-ups. | ||
| Anybody can do a hundred chin-ups is a fucking savage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that definitely is the goal. | ||
| But I'm old and I'm fat. | ||
| I'll do a hundred in two sets. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't do it, though. | ||
| I do sets of ten, and I don't do any more than ten, and I do them multiple times a day. | ||
| Like, I have a chin-up bar in my house, so I'll walk in, and I'll just jump up and do a set of ten. | ||
| And I've found that, like, the one thing that's helped my squeeze, like, with jujitsu and with being able to pick my body and just move around better, is to just do them randomly throughout the day. | ||
| I do chin-ups all the time. | ||
| Like, over those bars in the back, I'll do a show here, and then I'll go back and do ten chin-ups. | ||
| I'm like that with masturbation so I can have sex anytime. | ||
| You're always ready to go. | ||
| Always ready to go. | ||
| But if I had to pick one thing, it would be that. | ||
| It would be a chin-up bar and then bodyweight stuff. | ||
| You could do that for sure if you're not into the kettlebells. | ||
| On the road, it's hard to do. | ||
| I don't like going to the hotel gym or anything like that. | ||
| I like to keep it in the room. | ||
| So sometimes jump rope or something like that. | ||
| But I would say... | ||
| I've gotten in better shape, but I still feel like, you know, crap most of the time. | ||
| But when I was a kid, when I was a kid, like, it was all that stuff, like push-ups and sit-ups and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| And now that I'm back to it, I'm like, you know, I forgot how great this is. | ||
| You know, it's really cool. | ||
| You know what's a great thing for the road? | ||
| We'll do some pull-ups afterwards. | ||
| You ever fuck with those TRX things? | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| You could just strap it into the door of the hotel room, and you could do all these crazy exercises. | ||
| And it's real small. | ||
| You could just tuck it in your bag. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love the hotel room. | ||
| We've all seen that in the movie. | ||
| The assassin doing a couple of very slow push-ups. | ||
| Well, sometimes if I go down to a gym and there's nothing that I want to do in there, I'll work out my hotel room. | ||
| You never were like a runner, were you? | ||
| I run now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you do? | |
| But it's only been over the last couple of years, really. | ||
| But even when you were doing Taekwondo, right? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't run much. | ||
| I thought that was part of their thing. | ||
| They had a military kind of feel to it. | ||
| They definitely had a military feel to it and some different... | ||
| They would call it Dojangs. | ||
| You know, Jeff's a black belt in Taekwondo. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We are actually on the show. | ||
| He pulls out the nunchucks. | ||
| That's not a part of it, but that's okay. | ||
| You know, I'm rusty. | ||
| I have to admit. | ||
| I need to get back into it. | ||
| Do you exercise these days? | ||
| I've been doing a little bit of yoga, but honestly, I've been doing a lot of... | ||
| Not exercising lately. | ||
| And I don't feel good. | ||
| I'm in a place now where I need to start exercising again. | ||
| We talked about this in the parking lot the other day, right? | ||
| I've been on a stand-up hiatus. | ||
| And when I'm not performing, I don't care as much about my instrument. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I've been editing and writing and producing, so I don't know. | ||
| I've gotten a little, I guess, lazy. | ||
| And I don't feel as good. | ||
| I recognize that in my body... | ||
| So I need to snap out of it. | ||
| I think he needs like a group or like people to hang with. | ||
| Because, you know, that would make it more fun. | ||
| I get lonely working out by myself. | ||
| Yeah, if there was like a group of guys, you know, come on, man, don't let it sound. | ||
| You could find like a CrossFit class to join or some shit like that. | ||
| I mean, they always have those kind of things. | ||
| There's all sorts of different... | ||
| I like yoga. | ||
| Yoga's awesome. | ||
| I've done one of those high-intensity interval training things at a yoga place, too, where you do some yoga and some really light weights, but all these crazy little exercises. | ||
| That's fun, too. | ||
| I got a good dancer pose. | ||
| You got a dancer pose? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me see. | |
| Easy. | ||
| Oh, you're trying to do that. | ||
| Don't hurt yourself. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, that. | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Standing bow. | ||
| So good. | ||
| I think it's called standing bow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And there's this one. | ||
| Keep it going. | ||
| Where are you going? | ||
| No one can see you. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's a good one. | ||
| Yeah, you're supposed to grab both legs, but that's okay. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Grab that other leg, bitch. | ||
| You got it. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| One more time. | ||
| This is so sad. | ||
| You really do yoga. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Here he goes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nice, and the headphones on take it to the new level. | ||
| It's like a NASA mission. | ||
| What's that one called again? | ||
| Cry for help? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I call it the crab. | |
| So when you say you do yoga, how often do you do it? | ||
| When I would go, I would go to hot yoga. | ||
| You go a couple times a week. | ||
| Or now I just kind of do it in my backyard to stretch out after a long flight or something. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| And it's also kind of like you at the tank. | ||
| That's a time to think about life, to think through a bit, to think through a mission that you're working on, some family issue. | ||
| It's like quiet. | ||
| It's about you. | ||
| For me, yoga, it's like giving yourself a massage. | ||
| It's more gratifying than going to get a massage. | ||
| I like to stretch out before sets. | ||
| You ever do that? | ||
| Do stretches before you go do a set? | ||
| That feels real good. | ||
| There's something about that that's very relaxing. | ||
| Puts you in a good... | ||
| I think you carry around, when you're tight, you carry around a lot of weird tension that you don't necessarily want. | ||
| Pigeon pose. | ||
| That's where all the tension is. | ||
| Pigeon pose. | ||
| That's the one where your leg comes under your... | ||
| I want to ask you this. | ||
| What the fuck is he doing? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Jeff, I've never seen this one. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that one. | ||
| That's a hip opener? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Good hips, bro. | ||
| That looks so sad. | ||
| That's the best one. | ||
| Like, if you go to hot yoga, people will do that pose and start crying. | ||
| Because there's so much emotion and anxiety released from the hips. | ||
| Yeah, that's not real. | ||
| You're just crying because someone told you you should cry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not me, no. | |
| There's so much emotional anxiety in your hips. | ||
| You want to be a part of it. | ||
| The group cry. | ||
| Nonsense. | ||
| They always want to say that. | ||
| This is opening up your colon. | ||
| You don't have any fucking... | ||
| There's no diagrams. | ||
| You don't know where the colon is. | ||
| You better stop. | ||
| You better stop saying that. | ||
| You don't have any fucking... | ||
| There's tension in the hips. | ||
| Cat scans? | ||
| What's that stuff called? | ||
| Magnetic resonance? | ||
| MRIs? | ||
| You don't have that, bro. | ||
| You don't have any real evidence. | ||
| There's a motion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a little ball of me hiding in my hip. | |
| When I lay like this, I just think about my dad. | ||
| Oh, I miss him so much! | ||
| Get the fuck out of here with that shit. | ||
| You don't have any memories specifically. | ||
| And people say, no, no, no. | ||
| But when I'm in that position and they tell you that if emotions come out here, you just let them. | ||
| I'm like, what emotions are going to come out? | ||
| And then I start crying. | ||
| You're being hypnotized. | ||
| Someone told you. | ||
| It's also permission to be emotionally vulnerable. | ||
| Yes, that and hypnosis. | ||
| And you can't get that eating lunch at a deli or working out with the boys in the gym if you're at a quiet, dark yoga place. | ||
| With other people that are staring at the floor, you can relax a little, emotionally. | ||
| That's a logical definition. | ||
| That's a logical way of explaining what's really going on. | ||
| Namaste. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| Joe, let me ask you a question. | ||
| Do you eat before you go on stage? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Me neither. | ||
| This guy has to eat, like, he has to eat before he goes on stage. | ||
| Like, right before. | ||
| Like, pretty much right before. | ||
| I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with eating some fruit right before you go up on stage, but for me, I don't want to... | ||
| There's a certain amount of resources your body is going to use for digestion. | ||
| That's just a fact. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And there's a reason why fighters don't eat a fucking steak and mashed potatoes right before they fight. | ||
| I hate that feeling. | ||
| Because your body will be like, fuck you, dude. | ||
| We've got to digest this stuff and it's sloshing around in your stomach. | ||
| It gets in the way. | ||
| I hate it. | ||
| But I know plenty of people who have to eat. | ||
| Sometimes, in that first episode of our show, I eat during the show. | ||
| I ordered mozzarella sticks to the stage. | ||
| That's how hungry I was by the late show. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that, man. | ||
| It's not to say that you can't do it. | ||
| And for you, you're so casual. | ||
| You're probably better off feeling good than you are having more mental alertness slightly, but also being hungry. | ||
| I like the hunger. | ||
| The hunger's annoying. | ||
| I ate in the car coming to your studio today, and the first thing I said to Jeff, who answered the door, was, is there anything to eat around here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Because it's an anxiety thing, too, before you're going to perform. | ||
| I remember reading years and years and years and years ago that David Letterman would eat pineapple right before he went on. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| I always ask for pineapple in my rioters. | ||
| Hi, Stacey. | ||
| Pineapple's a good Stacey Mark in the house. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| He also would do a fasting and then he would pig out. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| Letterman? | ||
| That's what I heard. | ||
| He would not eat for two or three days and then he would do that. | ||
| That's how my friend Russ does it. | ||
| That kind of thing of where you're just basically Spartan, like nothing, nothing, nothing, and then you get to eat whatever you want. | ||
| I believe for sure that people eat too much food. | ||
| Me included. | ||
| I eat too much food. | ||
| Me, for sure. | ||
| And when I fast, especially intermittent fast, I do like 16 hours at night. | ||
| When I do do that, I feel way better. | ||
| Way better. | ||
| Wait, what? | ||
| Fasting. | ||
| Between dinner and the next time I eat is 16 hours. | ||
| Jeff, can you imagine that? | ||
| No. | ||
| You could. | ||
| You just decide, and you go to bed. | ||
| I would have to be getting a colonoscopy. | ||
| You just, look, you eat dinner, you're done at eight, you go to bed or do whatever the fuck you do, but just no more food. | ||
| How do you perform? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you... | |
| What are you talking about? | ||
| He can't, yeah, you have to eat to go on. | ||
| I'm going on stage at ten. | ||
| The last thing I want to do is eat any later than eight. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| I go right to the cookies at the back of the comedy store. | ||
| Okay, cookies are different though. | ||
| That's quick carbs. | ||
| That actually is not a bad idea. | ||
| I see. | ||
| That's not a bad idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| No, not a bad idea at all. | ||
| You don't eat that stuff, do you? | ||
| I'll eat that stuff. | ||
| Look, when I was doing this Sober October fitness challenge with Ari and Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, I ate everything in sight. | ||
| I ate pizza and cookies. | ||
| I ate everything because I just wanted calories. | ||
| But the problem with cookies and stuff like that is like, you can eat them, but you just can't make a habit of eating them all the time or it will fuck you up. | ||
| It's just going to fuck you up. | ||
| But right before you go on stage, not a bad idea. | ||
| Got a little pick-me-up energy, quick carbs. | ||
| Your body's going to break down those carbs and those sugar and glucose is a very good fuel for the brain. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it works. | ||
| Carbs are good for the brain, especially if your body's carb-adapted. | ||
| If you eat carbs all the time and you can eat some carbs right before you go on stage, that'll give you a little energy. | ||
| I feel so much better. | ||
| Even lifting. | ||
| Yeah, really. | ||
| If you wanted to have a cookie or maybe even a Snickers bar and then lift weights, I wouldn't say don't do that. | ||
| I'd say that'll give you some fucking sugar to burn off. | ||
| It's not the best food for you in the world, but you're asking for it for a very specific reason. | ||
| After it's over, I'd say, yeah, go have some salmon and some vegetables and eat healthy. | ||
| But right before you want to work out, you could drink a Coke. | ||
| You could drink a Coca-Cola. | ||
| And if you're going to lift for an hour, okay, go ahead, drink a Coke. | ||
| You're going to burn that shit off, and it's just going to be fuel that you use. | ||
| I wouldn't suggest you do it all the time, but it's not going to have a negative effect on you. | ||
| It's really a cumulative thing with people in diets. | ||
| It's eating too much sugar, too much bullshit for too many days in a row and not giving your body a chance to relax. | ||
| See, when I don't eat, I never consider, like, oh, that's lightheadedness. | ||
| I'm like, I'm probably having a stroke right now. | ||
| I go, this is it. | ||
| I should find a place to lay down. | ||
| I think about food more than sex, I think. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Well, listen, food is fucking phenomenal, right? | ||
| And you're lucky. | ||
| You live in New York City and then you come to L.A. So you're in both places. | ||
| And you're in two spots that have some of the greatest restaurants on the planet Earth. | ||
| And if you're like a foodie... | ||
| Do you consider yourself a foodie? | ||
| You've got some cash, Jeff Ross. | ||
| You can go wherever the fuck you want. | ||
| I do. | ||
| You can order a nice bottle of wine and have a fucking beautiful steak with the right accoutrements. | ||
| And, you know, why wouldn't you? | ||
| I mean, it's a beautiful pleasure. | ||
| And if I eat a steak, some red meat... | ||
| It's fuck or fight. | ||
| It's like I'm either on stage or I'm ready to go all night. | ||
| As soon as I eat a steak, and I don't eat them as much as I used to. | ||
| We were eating a lot on the tour. | ||
| Remember it was you, me, and Yamanika? | ||
| That was great. | ||
| What were you guys having there? | ||
| Like a porterhouse. | ||
| You know the thing where not only are the ribs still there, but the hooves? | ||
| Like that kind of thing. | ||
| Really basically like a do-it-yourself kind of steak. | ||
| Bone-in rib eye. | ||
| Yeah, we went to town on that. | ||
| She'd eat more of that. | ||
| I love a good steak. | ||
| I don't think there's anything wrong with it. | ||
| I think what's wrong with steak, what people think is wrong with red meat, is all the stuff you eat with it. | ||
| All the sugar and bullshit and bread and pasta and then alcohol and sedentary life. | ||
| There's a bunch of things. | ||
| But I think if you're a healthy person who exercises all the time, I don't think steak's bad for you at all. | ||
| I don't even think a little bit. | ||
| I think it's good for you. | ||
| I think it's the opposite of bad for you. | ||
| I think all of our preconceived notions about what's healthy... | ||
| All of them vary because some people, they really don't do good with red meat. | ||
| Some people don't do well with fish. | ||
| People have weird bodies. | ||
| I don't eat fish. | ||
| I don't like it either. | ||
| Do you eat it? | ||
| Love it. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Love fish. | ||
| That right away steps up your whole game, right? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It's a life-saving thing. | ||
| Well, if you get a lot of those essential fatty acids that you can get from an oily fish, like a salmon, they're so good for you, man. | ||
| They're so good at reducing inflammation. | ||
| Do you take fish oil at all? | ||
| No. | ||
| One of the best things you can take, fish oil, krill oil, anything. | ||
| Getting those essential fatty acids, which so many people are missing from their diet. | ||
| Just getting a good, healthy supply of it every day. | ||
| It's just good for everything, man. | ||
| It's good for your skin, it's good for your brain, good for muscle development. | ||
| Fish oil. | ||
| Yeah, fish oil is phenomenal. | ||
| It's good for inflammation, if you have joint aches and stuff like that. | ||
| Fish oil is... | ||
| Do I have a booger? | ||
| I feel like I have a booger. | ||
| You know how you touch your nose and it feels moist? | ||
| And you're like, what's happening here? | ||
| Do I have a clinger? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| We're good. | ||
| I think you're clean. | ||
| But fish oil is just one of the best things, man. | ||
| It's so good for you. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| What is fish oil? | ||
| It's oil extracted from fish. | ||
| The tears of the fish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little bit of cum. | ||
| They purify it. | ||
| They sell that at the merch booth. | ||
| Joe, so have you ever caught a sport fish, like a big one or anything, and then you would make steaks out of that, too? | ||
| I've done that with the most delicious thing I think I caught was a wahoo. | ||
| I know what that is. | ||
| What is the other name for it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's huge, too. | |
| There's another name for it. | ||
| Swordfish? | ||
| No. | ||
| We caught it in Hawaii. | ||
| It was phenomenal, man. | ||
| It's big. | ||
| We were staying at a hotel, and we brought it to the waiter or the chef in the hotel would cook stuff for you. | ||
| And you would just bring him the fish, and he would go, how do you guys think you want to prepare this? | ||
| And so we said, I don't know, what do you think? | ||
| It's like, what would you do if somebody brought you this? | ||
| He goes, I would prepare it a bunch of different ways. | ||
| He goes, this is a huge fish, so I can make you guys a little bit of ceviche, a little bit of sushi. | ||
| I'm like, yes, perfect. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So he cooked it six hours after it was dead. | ||
| I mean, we caught it, and then six hours later, we're eating it for lunch. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| That is cool. | ||
| Oh, that's it right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| There's another name for it, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hawaii, they call it an Ono. | |
| Ono, that's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It's delicious. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Look how the fish is looking at the camera, too. | ||
| Oh, wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not a... | |
| What? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Do you like fishing over hunting? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fishing is harder. | ||
| I like them both. | ||
| You do? | ||
| Hunting is way more intense, and I feel way worse for the animal. | ||
| I don't feel bad for fish. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| For whatever reason. | ||
| I'm just being honest. | ||
| If I catch a big salmon, and I'm like, sorry, dude, but this is what I'm here for. | ||
| But when I shoot a deer, there's always a little part of me that's like... | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| That's tough. | ||
| You know, this is what I eat, and I know that if I don't do this, they're going to die of either starvation or disease, or they're going to be ripped apart asshole-first by coyotes. | ||
| Like, this is not a good end for them, no matter what. | ||
| And me shooting them is probably the best end they're ever going to get. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| All those justifications aside, it's a different feeling when you see, like, an elk down than when I catch a salmon. | ||
| If I catch a salmon, it's 100% happiness. | ||
| But what about when you pull the trigger? | ||
| Seeing the animal down is one thing, but what about knowing it's coming? | ||
| It's hard to keep your shit together. | ||
| That's the hunting. | ||
| You get emotional? | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| You get nervous. | ||
| You don't want to fuck it up. | ||
| You don't want to injure anything. | ||
| So there's a lot of anticipation in that moment. | ||
| It's very intense. | ||
| And whatever amount of meat you get from that animal, whenever you eat it, you're going to think about that moment. | ||
| I think about that moment every time I eat a steak. | ||
| You lick your lips. | ||
| Well, you think about it like this was an intense life or death moment in life, like this circle of life, food chain moment in life that I participated in, and now I'm eating it. | ||
| So I know exactly what the food is, as opposed to going to Morton's, get a nice steak, and get some mashed potatoes. | ||
| I don't know where the fuck they grew that potato. | ||
| I don't know where that cow came from. | ||
| I get that feeling when I open the... | ||
| Can of Pringles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
When I'm in the refrigerator aisle at Ralph's and creamsicles. | |
| Do you like fishing at all? | ||
| I used to fish as a kid in the Hudson River with my grandfather. | ||
| We would catch bass, and I really loved it. | ||
| I haven't done it since I was a kid. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's a fun thing to do. | ||
| It's a passion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're doing a gig and you could find a spot that has a party boat, Especially. | ||
| And they'll take you out and everybody dunks a line in. | ||
| People pulling fish left and right. | ||
| Everybody's laughing. | ||
| People drinking beers. | ||
| It's fucking fun, man. | ||
| I bet. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that was a big thing in New England. | ||
| We used to do party boats for blue fish. | ||
| And we'd just go to a spot and everybody dropped their line in. | ||
| They'd be pulling these fish up. | ||
| And then, you know, you cook them later that night. | ||
| It's fantastic. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It just makes you think about what a fish is, too, and how weird it is. | ||
| We've got this alien world connected to us. | ||
| We pull these things out, cut their fucking heads off, and cook them up. | ||
| Well, you've been to Japan and all those places. | ||
| I have been to Japan, but I fucked up when I was there, and I didn't go to the fish market. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I heard the fish market in Tokyo was one of those life-changing events. | ||
| There's like a million fish we don't even know about. | ||
| It's crazy what they eat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so interesting to see, like, you know... | ||
| We're so used to, like you said, bread and all that stuff. | ||
| It's like, you know, is it a meal without bread? | ||
| It's like these people go months without seeing a piece of bread. | ||
| Yeah, they're not into bread, and they're all thin. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| They're noodles. | ||
| A lot of times they're rice noodles. | ||
| It's very different. | ||
| There's wheat noodles there too, though, right? | ||
| They eat different than us. | ||
| They have a completely different style of eating. | ||
| One of the coolest things about Tokyo, man, is that it's almost like an alternative country. | ||
| Oh, you mean the city. | ||
| Because it's so different. | ||
| Like, say if you're in Los Angeles, right? | ||
| You leave from Los Angeles, and, you know, you're here in 2018, and you're driving around. | ||
| This is the way people live over here, and this is how people are in traffic, and this is how people are when they come to the comedy store and all these different places. | ||
| And then you go to Tokyo, you go, oh, wow. | ||
| This is also people in 2018 that are living at the exact same time, but they're doing it totally differently. | ||
| Like, everybody's super polite. | ||
| As you walk down the street, there's no people bumping into anybody. | ||
| Nobody's yelling at anybody. | ||
| They're very polite. | ||
| But they're also very Japanese, right? | ||
| The majority of the people you see are Japanese. | ||
| Yeah, it's homogeneous. | ||
| Slightly integrated, right? | ||
| I mean, you see some Africans there. | ||
| You see some people like us there. | ||
| But it's mostly Japanese people. | ||
| It's interesting to see. | ||
| Have you seen this TV show on Amazon called The Man in the High Castle? | ||
| No, what is it? | ||
| It's basically America if the Nazis won the war. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And they partner with the Japanese. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And the Japanese own California, Northern California, and the Nazis own the rest of the country. | ||
| And the Midwest is sort of a no man's land. | ||
| So New York is Nazi New York. | ||
| They split it at the Rockies. | ||
| But Japanese... | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Is this a series? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's in his third season. | ||
| I'm obsessed with it. | ||
| Philip Dick is the sci-fi writer, so he's classic. | ||
| It's one of his books. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| Yeah, so he's the mayor of New York. | ||
| He's great, this guy. | ||
| That guy's been in a lot of stuff. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| I forgot the actor's name. | ||
| Rufus Sewell. | ||
| Rufus Sewell? | ||
| Rufus Sewell? | ||
| Is that how I say it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's really good. | ||
| He plays the governor of New York, the Abergruben Fufur. | ||
| The Abergruben Fufur is the governor of New York? | ||
| Führer is the governor of New York? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a very interesting show. | ||
| Basically, New York cops wearing Nazi armbands. | ||
| So there's still New York cops like, hey, the Führer says I gotta give you a ticket! | ||
| You know, it's like that. | ||
| And it's fascinating how they do the show. | ||
| But what's interesting about Japanese culture in the show is you see the fancy class, the aristocratic class of Japan runs essentially San Francisco. | ||
| And you see how they're very snobby and very particular and they don't really like to mix with the Americans. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| With the Anglos. | ||
| It's a fascinating show. | ||
| That's a really... | ||
| That guy, Philip K. Dict, you know? | ||
| Am I saying his name right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's really super cool in terms of the sci-fi stuff. | ||
| Yeah, what else has he written? | ||
| There was another movie that I saw of his within the last two years. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Could you bring up his books? | ||
| Because I would know. | ||
| What other movies did he do? | ||
| Or did they do the adapt of his movies? | ||
| What do we got here? | ||
| So this guy wrote that show? | ||
| Oh, Scanner Darkly. | ||
| Wow, that's right. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| He wrote a lot of shit. | ||
| The Adjustment Team, isn't that a movie, Tim? | ||
| Adjustment Bureau. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, the art direction is really cool. | ||
| The idea of Nazi-fying America. | ||
| You know what's interesting, too, is you can still do that in a movie where you can still play Nazis as long as they're, you know, the bad people and some historical thing or something that's going on now. | ||
| That's really the only way you could portray Nazis. | ||
| Like, you're not allowed to be a Nazi for Halloween. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| Like, people have said, like, people have tried it, and you get called out for it. | ||
| Like, there's rules now. | ||
| You can be a Nazi if you want to get on that show. | ||
| What did your kids go for Halloween? | ||
| Did they do that? | ||
| Yeah, they were mermaids. | ||
| It was very adorable. | ||
| They were mermaids. | ||
| But when you're... | ||
| If you're dressing up for Halloween, you could be so many terrible things. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You could be vampires and werewolves and demons and everybody's like, okay, cool, cool. | ||
| And dictators. | ||
| I went as a plastic straw. | ||
| Genghis Khan. | ||
| You could be Genghis Khan. | ||
| Can't be Hitler. | ||
| You could be Saddam Hussein and people will laugh. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Saddam Hussein. | ||
| We got him. | ||
| We got that guy. | ||
| But if you dress as Mengele, you've ruined the party. | ||
| If you dress as Osama Bin Laden, that might get your ass kicked. | ||
| You might get your ass kicked for that one. | ||
| That was too soon. | ||
| But if you dress like... | ||
| You could probably dress like the president of Iran. | ||
| What's that dude's name? | ||
| That dude that came over here and said a bunch of crazy shit about gay people? | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| Let's just talk about it for a second. | ||
| I remember when... | ||
| People were offended that there was an Anne Frank Halloween costume. | ||
| Now, if the point of talking about the Holocaust or something like that is never forget, and a 14-year-old, in a non-mocking way, wants to embody Anne Frank, why is that offensive? | ||
| I don't understand that. | ||
| But they're never going to do it non-mocking. | ||
| Every time you're making a Halloween costume, you're almost always trying to be silly, right? | ||
| Look, Anne Frank! | ||
| He's hiding in the attic! | ||
| Halloweenicost. | ||
| But, I don't know. | ||
| It all depends on, to me, your intentions. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| You should be able to wear whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| That's why I never understood when that Prince Harry got all this shit for dressing like a Nazi. | ||
| It's like, I don't know, maybe... | ||
| When did he dress like a Nazi? | ||
| He dressed for... | ||
| It was a costume party. | ||
| And then all the World War II veterans were like, why would you do that? | ||
| Because that doesn't mean he's glorifying it, does it? | ||
| I guess, if he's the prince. | ||
| Right, but you could be a Mongol. | ||
| You could be one of the Mongol horde that tore through Europe. | ||
| But he's also a symbol unto itself. | ||
| He's a symbol of the English royalty and all that kind of stuff. | ||
| I guess because it's hundreds of thousands of years later. | ||
| But he grew up all right. | ||
| He got out of it. | ||
| That motherfucker's living under a microscope, though. | ||
| I mean, what he can get away with. | ||
| But pretty much no one can get away with being a Nazi anymore. | ||
| There was a guy from... | ||
| Like North Carolina or something like that recently? | ||
| Him and his son were Nazis for Halloween. | ||
| There's one person that can get away with it. | ||
| And I can't say too much because we haven't released it yet. | ||
| Gilbert Gottfried. | ||
| He can get away with it. | ||
| If you're a Jew, you can get away with it. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| Everybody's upset all the time. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Remember when she did that? | ||
| She dressed as a Nazi? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I always think that stuff's funny. | ||
| When I was a 13-year-old kid in Hebrew school, or grade school, learning about the First Amendment, This is one of the reasons I became a comedian was because I used to just draw swastikas on my notebooks just because I knew I could. | ||
| I was like, they would teach us about dictatorships and I would go, wow, so in any other country they can't do this and I would just do it, make myself smile and then cross it out. | ||
| And I'd go, in any other country I'd get my tongue cut out. | ||
| I go, that's the most beautiful thing is that you can say fucked up, terrible, you can dress like an asshole. | ||
| Like, bad taste is not a crime. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, and that was what one of the, you remember the Yale uprising a couple years back? | ||
| There was a guy, Nicholas, Greek name, and his wife, they were at Yale, and the wife sent out an email saying that we need to stop policing people's costumes, Halloween costumes. | ||
| Right, she got fired. | ||
| Yeah, and you can have a politically incorrect Halloween costume, like, we should relax. | ||
| And people started freaking out. | ||
| They cornered him in the square. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They were screaming. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Christakis. | ||
| Christakis. | ||
| I don't want to fuck up his name. | ||
| So Nicholas Christakis. | ||
| So he's a Greek-American sociologist and physician, and he was teaching at Yale. | ||
| And these kids were, they confronted him, and they were screaming at him, like, this is our safe place. | ||
| You fucking ruined our place. | ||
| It was so bizarre and strange and hostile and he was just trapped out there with these nonsensical kids screaming at him that he's racist and this whole thing is racist and he shouldn't be able to wear whatever costume you want. | ||
| No one even specified what we're talking about. | ||
| It was ethnic costumes. | ||
| They're not supposed to appropriate another culture. | ||
| Even though it's just for the party. | ||
| It doesn't matter, man. | ||
| People are just looking for a reason to be upset. | ||
| It doesn't have to make any sense. | ||
| But the whole idea of this woke... | ||
| Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. | ||
| This woke thing, like, my niece and nephew are going to college, you know, they're going to get ready to go to college, and I'm like, oh, God, this is going to be so difficult, you know, because they're going to come out of this machine, you know, pretty much looking at me as, like, you know, pretty much I'm already not that relevant, but, like, just, like, all of my references and stuff like that are just going to be so, you know, inappropriate, you know? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And it's like, when you go to college, you're supposed to go to the open your mind, not to really focus your opinion that you already have, so... | ||
| That's what I felt was like, I felt like, everybody's like, I don't want to play a college show, and we're all dreading the day when we have to play a show like that, where everybody there has that groupthink. | ||
| No, you have to adapt. | ||
| And you do adapt. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You don't give yourself enough credit. | ||
| I adapt fine, but I'm just saying, playing a college show now, you probably could do it, but I don't think I could. | ||
| Of course you could. | ||
| Yeah, you adapt in terms of doing a set. | ||
| You can definitely do a set. | ||
| Yeah, but you hate yourself that ride home. | ||
| You won't want to do that. | ||
| Yeah, you'd hate yourself. | ||
| What you want to do is be able to do whatever you want to do. | ||
| And it would make you want to do it too. | ||
| It would make you want to go push it. | ||
| You're not offensive or mean. | ||
| Yeah, you're not a bad person. | ||
| Yeah, but they don't take that into account. | ||
| The words coming out of your mouth, they take them literally. | ||
| That's why we're in this state that we're in now. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| They don't see the irony or the sarcasm in it. | ||
| The sense of humor in this country has never been lower, and I can say that as, like, what Jeff's talking about, like, when we were little kids, like, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein. | ||
| These movies that, like, everybody was watching them, enjoying them, and stuff like that. | ||
| Now they have all these hidden meanings, and people look into that, and I'm like, you know, it was, like, just a fun time, you know? | ||
| It was just like a It wasn't like that was the template for how to live. | ||
| Well, I think you can bounce back, but I think what's happening now is there's a certain number of people that want to be able to change the way other people talk and what they talk about. | ||
| Because they're ultra-sensitive, so they have this giant reaction to things that may or may not be relevant. | ||
| And it's a debate whether or not it's relevant. | ||
| Some things we've changed, right? | ||
| Certain words that you used to be able to say easily just a few years ago, way harder to get away with saying now. | ||
| Because the culture is shifting in a way that's becoming more sensitive. | ||
| So probably that's good, as long as they understand context and intent. | ||
| See, context and intent is why comedy works. | ||
| That doesn't mean we should disavow Mel Brooks because he used the N-word 50 times in a movie. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| It's a different time. | ||
| When my Uncle Murray said, you know, I brought... | ||
| When I brought a Chinese girlfriend home to my Pop Jack, and he's like, East is East, and West is West, and never the two shall meet. | ||
| We didn't kick my grandfather out of the family. | ||
| We just said, Pop... | ||
| Kicked him right into Congress. | ||
| Listen, that guy grew up... | ||
| Like, what we were watching, that guy grew up in World War II. Of course! | ||
| I mean, that... | ||
| No one could ever... | ||
| There's no way we're going to understand that. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The difference in the way people saw the world that had to deal with an actual world war to this soft, pampered-ass life we're living. | ||
| I don't condone racism, but I understand why people hold grudges. | ||
| If you went over to Vietnam and lost half your fucking friends and you came back over here and you're fucked up still because of it, I don't condone racism, but I think that... | ||
| Anytime you're forced into a situation where your country is at war with another side, it's probably really hard for people to forgive people. | ||
| That was one of the things that someone said about the Japanese. | ||
| I'm not really too thrilled with Americans. | ||
| I said, well, how do you think you'd feel? | ||
| If you were showing up 40 years after someone had literally nuked your country twice, just annihilated hundreds of thousands of people with one bomb, made shadows on the concrete of where someone's body used to be, just vaporized them. | ||
| Women, children, babies, grandma, grandpa, everybody gets it. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I mean, who the fuck is going to be nice after that? | ||
| It takes a long time to forget that shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Who's that baseball, the Japanese baseball guy? | ||
| Sadahari O. Yeah, they've got to negotiate that into the contract, and you've got to give me a little extra for Hiroshima. | ||
| Nagasaki. | ||
| Reparations. | ||
| A little something else. | ||
| Fucked up things, they did it twice. | ||
| America doesn't give itself enough shit for having the interming camps here. | ||
| I don't know if you've ever been to one of those. | ||
| There's one up on Washington State on Bainbridge Island. | ||
| There's one on Bainbridge Island, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bainbridge is beautiful. | ||
| I can't believe they had an internment camp out there. | ||
| It's a beautiful place. | ||
| They had an internment camp there. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're not all... | ||
| And we got into that war late, man. | ||
| We don't give ourselves enough shit for that either. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's in the guy from Star Trek? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wasn't he... | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| George Takai. | ||
| He's a survivor. | ||
| He lived in a Japanese internment case. | ||
| When he was a little kid. | ||
| FDR was president for four terms. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Was he really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was president for four terms. | ||
| He died in a year and it was fourth term. | ||
| How can you do that? | ||
| You sure about that? | ||
| Was it four or three, but it definitely was more than two. | ||
| No, he had three and then he got elected. | ||
| Then they stopped. | ||
| After that, they were like, it can only be two. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I bet you they're not going to... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| If you had a great president though You'd be like, I want to keep doing this job. | ||
| If a guy's an awesome CEO of Google, Google is kicking ass now. | ||
| You've got to step down, bro. | ||
| Only eight years. | ||
| It's like the only gig where when you're really... | ||
| It has so much power. | ||
| You just can't keep running this. | ||
| You've got to give up the reins. | ||
| Everybody has to give up the reins. | ||
| We never let the best person run it forever. | ||
| You would think, once Clinton got a head of steam under him, just feed his carnal desires, and just... | ||
| No, it's like quarterback. | ||
| You're only going to have a few good seasons. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But how many years do you think the public would have kept him in? | ||
| Like, see, if you had a guy like Barack Obama, how many years, if they just let him go, until he doesn't want to do it anymore, until we don't want him to do it anymore, how many years do you think he can keep doing it? | ||
| Man, he might be able to do it for four or five terms. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| Maybe even more. | ||
| Easily. | ||
| Especially if it showed that his policies were working, because, you know, a lot of these policies, economic policies, they take years in order to see real-world benefits. | ||
| Look, if you take the actual campaigning out of it, you know, they're really only president for two years, because it's like they're campaigning on the way in, and then they're campaigning on the way out, and it's like, you know, that's for all of our government, and, like, we're all, like, I guess victims of that. | ||
| So it's sad, but... | ||
| Callan was trying to explain it the other day about the amount of time that a congressman or senator or any politician spends raising money versus the amount of time that they spend actually doing their job. | ||
| It's like it's not even close. | ||
| And it's so humbling. | ||
| Their job is awesome. | ||
| We see them on C-SPAN banging a gavel and making a point and handing out a medal to a soldier. | ||
| And then you go see an actual political fundraiser. | ||
| Oh, it's so boring. | ||
| It's like Cory Booker standing on a basement floor at Cantor's on a Sunday morning. | ||
| There's no glamour to it at all. | ||
| It sucks! | ||
| It's our worst gig ever. | ||
| If I took you to a fundraiser where the three of us had a show up where politicians have to show up to raise money, you'd be screaming at your agent going, are you fucking kidding me with this microphone and there's no lights and no one could hear me and I'm fucking talking to a wall and there's no food. | ||
| Everyone's starving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like the worst. - That is so true. | |
| So, you know, why anybody would do this freaking job of trying to, I'm going to try to help people. | ||
| Fuck you! | ||
| We're going to expose you. | ||
| We're going to beat you up. | ||
| We're going to go into all your business, you know. | ||
| But Trump was the only one that did it with a built-in giant audience right from the jump. | ||
| Like, right from the jump, he had a giant audience of people going crazy to see him. | ||
| He tours on our dime. | ||
| If Hillary had gone on Real Housewives instead of the Senate, she would have been president. | ||
| She probably would have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could you imagine seeing Hillary and Bill around the house? | |
| She just got super famous for just being a lady instead of being a politician. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| She probably would have, in some ways, right? | ||
| She was almost like hindered by the fact that she was Bill Clinton's wife. | ||
| If she was just a senator by herself, and a lawyer who became a senator, she probably would have way more of a shot of winning. | ||
| Same person, right? | ||
| People always say, you know, what did Trump do for the working man? | ||
| He entertained them. | ||
| Like, that show is great. | ||
| People love that show. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Even now, don't you click on the stories first? | ||
| You're not reading about the genocide in Rwanda. | ||
| You're reading that Trump accidentally spelled something wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the top news story. | |
| Lately, there's all these new chargers being brought up that I didn't know about, and new people are getting arraigned. | ||
| It's like watching a crazy drama. | ||
| We have a very short attention span in this country, and we expect results. | ||
| And that's why, in the news cycle, the way it is now, it's like... | ||
| Have you ever been in a hotel where you watch... | ||
| For some reason you're caught in like the three or four hour news cycle where you see the same story and whatever and then there's like one more detail and then they'll like start it up again and you're like wow you know any minute I'm gonna get a phone call because now I could be a panelist I know everything you know you know We figured it out. | ||
| He was wearing shoes. | ||
| You still watch TV news shows, though. | ||
| You don't fuck on online, but you watch those. | ||
| Dave knows every show. | ||
| I like watching the whole day cycle. | ||
| Especially when it's something like an event that's happening, and you get to see them figuring it out. | ||
| They can't wait to know this whole story now because it has to be immediate. | ||
| So you get to see them start it. | ||
| It's like going to journalism school almost. | ||
| You're like, okay, something bad happened here. | ||
| Like they're working on their bits. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They have to introduce them. | ||
| Breaking news. | ||
| Breaking news. | ||
| We've been told. | ||
| They don't know exactly what the fuck's going on. | ||
| That's definitely my mom. | ||
| She has some memory issues and stuff like that. | ||
| But waiting until 6 o'clock to find out what happened in the world, those days are over. | ||
| Can you imagine if we did that? | ||
| That's a new rule. | ||
| Those days are over. | ||
| I remember when the Challenger blew up. | ||
| How did we get through the whole day? | ||
| How did we get through the whole day? | ||
| I remember when the Challenger blew up, what they used to do back in the day, they would interrupt. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that was exciting. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Big... | ||
| We have some terrible news in the world of entertainment. | ||
| We have to pause the game just to... | ||
| Howard, I was sitting on the bed with my dad watching Monday Night Football and Cosell just changed his mood all of a sudden. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| The music Beatles legend John Lennon. | ||
| And I thought he said Jack Lemmon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, John Lennon was assassinated outside his apartment. | ||
| And that's like, yeah, you remember broadcasting Howard Cosell announcing something or when the moon launch took off. | ||
| There's no moment now where you're like... | ||
| I remember a certain broadcaster announcing a certain thing. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| You hear one version of it, but then you hear so many versions of it, you forget which one you heard first. | ||
| Like, I remember when I saw that Twin Towers fell. | ||
| You don't know which one's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I saw it the first time I saw it on television, I didn't... | ||
| I don't know who said it. | ||
| I don't know who was giving the newscast. | ||
| It doesn't even register. | ||
| They just have to be believable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that was definitely a local news moment, because I was in New York, and my mom goes, turn on the TV, and then we could see the coverage right there. | ||
| So it's like, that was before the web, where you could go like, okay, I'm going to get deeper into this. | ||
| It was like waiting on the next bit of information. | ||
| I was laying in bed in New York, and I found out from the great newscaster, Ralphie May, who was screaming into my answer machine, calling me the N-word. | ||
| Wake up! | ||
| Because he knew I was flying out of New York that day, and he was in L.A., and he's like, turn on the T. | ||
| And it was just him yelling into my answer machine. | ||
| It entered my dream, and I kind of heard sirens in the back of my dream because all the ambulances were running down Broadway. | ||
| And I turned it on just to see the second tower fall down. | ||
| But Ralphie, he was my Walter Cronkite. | ||
| Shout out to Ralphie. | ||
| Miss that guy. | ||
| We lost a lot of good ones this year. | ||
| Sean Rouse. | ||
| Yes, do you know him? | ||
| Sean was a great opener of mine. | ||
| He was so funny. | ||
| Funny dude, man. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| I always saw him in weird places with Dave. | ||
| You guys were pals. | ||
| Yeah, he was really good. | ||
| And, you know, right out of Texas. | ||
| And he was such a good guy. | ||
| He was out of that Houston area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Houston, back in those days, there was a lot of, that old Laugh Stop in River Oaks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was a lot of great comics. | ||
| Those local guys, they had quality local comics. | ||
| Like, you would do a set there, and the guys would open for you, you'd be like, holy shit, you guys are funny. | ||
| And you remember the whole myth of the Texas outlaws? | ||
| I used to eat that up. | ||
| I was like, tell me another story. | ||
| I want to hear another story. | ||
| That was Hicks and Kinison, really. | ||
| And Carl LeBeau. | ||
| And Jimmy Pineapple. | ||
| Jimmy Pineapple. | ||
| I worked with Jimmy Pineapple. | ||
| First time I ever did that club there. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| Funny dude, too. | ||
| Yeah, those guys. | ||
| Did you ever see Jimmy? | ||
| Jeff Ross? | ||
| I never saw Jimmy Pineapple. | ||
| I don't think I even heard of him until this moment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Funny dude. | |
| He was one of the outlaws, the early outlaws. | ||
| Well, Schubert, when Schubert used to go on the road with him, too. | ||
| You know, Maren? | ||
| Maren was one of the guys that was with him in town. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| How did you become one of the Texas comedy outlaws? | ||
| How did you become one? | ||
| It was like a group of these wild comics down in... | ||
| There he is. | ||
| There's Jimmy Pineapple. | ||
| Good-looking guy. | ||
| Glorious mustache. | ||
| He would bring his own microphone. | ||
| Funny dude, though. | ||
| I don't want to put any new stuff out there. | ||
| Good guy, though, too. | ||
| I've worked with him. | ||
| It was really nice. | ||
| James Pineapple. | ||
| That was when I first worked that club. | ||
| I loved that club. | ||
| That was a great one. | ||
| That was one of the greatest rooms of all time, man. | ||
| I did my Warner Brothers CD there in 1999. Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That fucking club was so hot. | ||
| It was packed, tight-ceiling, wild motherfuckers, Texas people. | ||
| Wild Texas people. | ||
| I love Texas comedy shows. | ||
| Just chaos. | ||
| Drinking. | ||
| Good times. | ||
| Fun, nice people that are smart, but that also like to get fucked up. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Aren't you in Texas this weekend? | ||
| I don't know where I am yet. | ||
| You don't know where you are? | ||
| I'm waiting to hear on my schedule. | ||
| Because you have a phone. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's buffering. | ||
| I actually took Dave to a phone store. | ||
| We were preparing for the tapings, and he never texted me back. | ||
| I'm like, we're walking by this... | ||
| And I'm like, just come in and look. | ||
| And he literally looks at the iPhone like it's the enemy of the people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I have multiple phones. | |
| You held it with disdain. | ||
| I have an iPhone also. | ||
| The guy goes, you can do anything on this. | ||
| You can text, you can make a point, you can do anything. | ||
| You can write shows, you can record your shows. | ||
| And Dave goes, should we really play God? | ||
| I had a couple of good lines. | ||
| But I don't go past an iPhone 2. I feel like, you know, that's pushing it. | ||
| Because now it's like up to 10, right? | ||
| You have an iPhone 2? | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| How many are... | ||
| Like, how many iPhones compared to... | ||
| Jamie burst... | ||
| How many iPhones compared to how many Rocky movies are there? | ||
| How many Rocky movies are there now? | ||
| Because now we have Dos Creeds. | ||
| The second Creed is act now. | ||
| I guess it is because it's working off of the actual narrative of Rocky. | ||
| Do you hear Michael B. Jordan is talking about boxing Roy Jones Jr.? | ||
| Yeah, I thought that was a joke. | ||
| Oh god, I hope it's a joke. | ||
| Just straight up boxing, not like a Muay Thai? | ||
| Listen, don't do that, Michael. | ||
| Just don't do that. | ||
| I'm sure he's a great athlete. | ||
| He's a beautiful kid. | ||
| He's got a great body. | ||
| Looks like he knows how to box. | ||
| When he throws punches, it looks like he really actually knows how to box. | ||
| I'm sure he's a really good athlete. | ||
| He's built like a brick shithouse. | ||
| But boxing Roy Jones Jr. is a preposterous idea. | ||
| What's the upside? | ||
| You never work again? | ||
| You become a boxer. | ||
| You hang in there with him and you look like a hero. | ||
| I mean, you clip him and hurt him. | ||
| I mean, it is a humanly possible thing. | ||
| Like when two people are throwing punches at each other, that one of them can hit the other guy. | ||
| But the downside is just ruined. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Roy Jones Jr. is one of the greatest boxers of all time. | |
| And still, to this day, knows how to box. | ||
| It's not like he forgot. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| He's pushing 50. 49. 49. Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's pushing 50. Do you think someone challenged him? | |
| Whose idea was it? | ||
| I think he was just talking shit. | ||
| He was just probably being asked, like, who would you like to box? | ||
| Who's your hero? | ||
| How many rounds, though? | ||
| Did he have to go a certain amount? | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| What exactly happened? | ||
| He asked him, who would you want to fight today? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he said, Roy Jones. | |
| He would probably beat me in his prime, but... | ||
| I'd probably fight him to death. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's probably just like that. | |
| Oh, that is an outrageous thing to say. | ||
| Just an asshole thing to say. | ||
| This is George Foreman. | ||
| Listen, he probably would kill you in his prime. | ||
| I mean, the idea that he would just beat you. | ||
| I mean, Roy Jones Jr., when he was in his prime, you were just waiting to see. | ||
| He was in a Nas song. | ||
| They said Roy Jones is in the new Mike Tyson's Roy Jones. | ||
| This is like in the 1990s. | ||
| People forgot how good Roy Jones Jr. was. | ||
| He was putting his hands behind his back and then knocking people out. | ||
| He was doing ridiculous shit. | ||
| He knocked out light heavyweight champion Virgil Hill with a body shot. | ||
| Do you want to hear it so we can hear the context? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Sure, let's listen to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, I heard that you... | |
| After all your training for the Creed movies, you can hold your own in a fight. | ||
| I mean, I can do my thing a little bit. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I've been working out with Rocky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've been working out with Apollo Creed. | |
| I'm going to do my thing. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, who all time would you want to step into the ring with? | |
| Whether it's a boxer, wrestler, UFC fighter, anybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, Rory Jones, bro. | |
| Rory Jones? | ||
| Rory Jones. | ||
| That's my dude, bro. | ||
| You think you can hold your own? | ||
| I feel like I can do my thing a little bit. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| I can hold my thing. | ||
| Right now, in his prime, nah. | ||
| He'll probably knock my ass out. | ||
| But right now, I can do my thing. | ||
| Why answer that question? | ||
| Well, listen, he was... | ||
| Hey, Joe, were you funnier than George Carlin in his prime? | ||
| Can you just answer that in the middle of a street right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right now, I can do my thing. | |
| Right now, since he did... | ||
| I know you've had a few drinks in the restaurant. | ||
| Can I ask you the worst question? | ||
| Let me tell you something right now. | ||
| I'm on coke. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cocaine. | |
| Let me answer some questions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll fuck Roy Jones Jr. up. | |
| But he said he was training with Rocky. | ||
| That was the best part. | ||
| In Apollo Creed. | ||
| He doesn't even know their names. | ||
| He doesn't know. | ||
| The old dude. | ||
| The old dude. | ||
| The white guy and the black guy. | ||
| I mean, I loved him in Black Panther, too. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He plays a good superhero. | ||
| He's a great ad guy. | ||
| I love his movies. | ||
| He was a good bad guy in that movie. | ||
| But, you know, it's like... | ||
| You just shouldn't answer that. | ||
| Just made a mistake. | ||
| Young, cocky, full life. | ||
| Everything's going well. | ||
| And again, built like a goddamn superhero. | ||
| Probably thinks he could box the world. | ||
| There's just a different thing that's going to be happening if you're standing in front of Roy Jones Jr. It's a different thing. | ||
| He's got a computer that's... | ||
| Many, many times more robust than yours when it comes to boxing. | ||
| But just taking the punishment, it's not like, you know, it's like, okay, that's enough. | ||
| What if Roy Jones gives you a concussion and you never act again? | ||
| What's the upside for you? | ||
| He can tee up on him. | ||
| By the way, a 50-year-old boxer looks at this actor, Pretty Boy, and it's like when they brought, what's his name, out of the box in Pulp Fiction. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's jacked, though. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Dude's built, seriously, built a superhero. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| See, the thing is, there's such a giant difference between learning how to box and being a good athlete, like he clearly is, and being Roy Jones Jr. The gap is so wide. | ||
| It's like, if I did a movie about playing basketball... | ||
| And then I wanted to, you know, play a one-on-one versus Kobe Bryant. | ||
| You know, I've been playing this movie for a couple years, man. | ||
| I'm feeling good. | ||
| I'm feeling good, even though I never did any competitive basketball playing. | ||
| Like you were in the white shadow or something. | ||
| It looks like he got beat up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a movie. | |
| He's a movie star, bro. | ||
| He's got fake blood on his welts. | ||
| That was in the movie. | ||
| I'm sure he knows how to throw his hands. | ||
| I'm sure he does. | ||
| He looks good in the movies. | ||
| He looks like he really knows what he's doing. | ||
| But Roy Jones Jr. is one of the greatest of all time. | ||
| He was a phenom. | ||
| He knows how to box in a way that you're never going to understand. | ||
| So how long has he been since he boxed? | ||
| Ten years? | ||
| I mean, Roy Jones had a fight within the last two years. | ||
| I think his last fight was, I want to say it was less than two years ago. | ||
| I think he retired. | ||
| He had a bunch of fights over in Russia. | ||
| He actually became a Russian citizen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This year? | |
| Is that it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This year. | |
| This year. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Play some of it. | ||
| He's not just challenging a retired boxer. | ||
| He's challenging a boxer. | ||
| He's fucking Roy Jones Jr. Alright? | ||
| Just... | ||
| This is a different thing. | ||
| It's one thing if you're like a top-level pro right now, and you feel like you would have gotten knocked out by Roy in his prime, but you can give him a go right now. | ||
| Okay, that's believable. | ||
| You're a professional boxer. | ||
| You've been honing your craft in the gym for years and years. | ||
| You've been sparring and working with high-level coaches. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's still Roy Jones Jr. Still Roy Jones Jr. He's still boxing. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| He's boxing and looking good. | ||
| One's an actor, one's a boxer. | ||
| But Roy Jones is in a boxing match here, and he's looking good. | ||
| I mean, he's obviously not fighting a guy who's the best in the world. | ||
| So if you're Roy Jones Jr., do you call your agent right now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's already been saying it. | |
| See if the kid's serious. | ||
| What's the money? | ||
| He's already been doing all these interviews. | ||
| He said, like, I don't want to get out of bed early in the morning, but if he wants to really do this, we could do this. | ||
| I mean, for Roy Jones, it'd be a wonderful opportunity to show people what boxing is. | ||
| Oh, let me see what he said. | ||
| I would love to see that. | ||
| Here, let's hear what Roy says. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course I saw the video. | |
| First thing is, you know, I never ducked a fight in my life. | ||
| I don't duck nothing, right? | ||
| Never. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I ain't running for hurricanes that come down here. | |
| So I ain't running for nobody. | ||
| If Michael B wants this for real, contact Roy Jones Jr. and we will make it happen. | ||
| Yeah, say you got my number, he can contact you and get my number. | ||
| So there's no question about how can I find... | ||
| No, you know how to find everyone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get Roy's number from TMC and let's make it happen. | |
| Roy, now he said in the video, he said, I think he would probably have killed me back in his prime. | ||
| True, that's true. | ||
| How about now, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you actually give him any chance to beat you now, even though you are 49, Roy? | |
| I know he can't beat me still because, I mean I know he's probably in better condition because he's younger and he probably thinks he can go longer and probably thinks he might be able to even outwork me now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I'm a vet. | |
| I'm an old school vet. | ||
| Old school vet ain't going out like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
To have the heart to come in the ring with me, I love it. | |
| You understand me? | ||
| So I want him to understand what boxing is. | ||
| So I'm not out there to just take him out right away because then you don't get the experience of the boxing match. | ||
| I'm a professional like I am, and I know he's big and strong because he got stronger for the movie, then I should be able to board all that, take him in the deep water so he understands what a boxing match really is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When he comes out, he don't go out and say, oh, I got knocked out the first round, so I don't know. | |
| No, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to need five, six rounds at you, so I want you to see how it really feels. | |
| So that's why I'm talking like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think he can really match my skills. | |
| I really don't, even at 49. How long would you need Roy to get right to where you could step in there? | ||
| Like, what's the soonest we could make this fight happen? | ||
| I probably need, for him, about four or five weeks. | ||
| It's on. | ||
| It's on. | ||
| Michael, please listen to me. | ||
| Don't do this. | ||
| Someone call StubHub. | ||
| Just don't do this. | ||
| This is not going to work out well. | ||
| Especially if you're... | ||
| I would assume both of them are not going to be drug tested. | ||
| I don't think either one of them wants to pee in a bucket. | ||
| And if they just let Roy... | ||
| They let Roy go to Dr. Feelgood and pump him up with hormones. | ||
| This is going to be a route. | ||
| This would be terrifying. | ||
| Imagine Michael getting that call from his agent. | ||
| Hey, we have an offer for you to do this new superhero movie. | ||
| It's going to be amazing. | ||
| Michael's like, ah, I'm booked that whole five weeks. | ||
| Yeah, I got it for five weeks. | ||
| I got to train for Roy Jones Jr. Like, don't do it. | ||
| But this is a new genre of TV show of the real guy versus the guy who played it in the movie. | ||
| I want to see doctors against guys who play the doctor. | ||
| I want to see astronauts against guys who think they're an astronaut. | ||
| I want to see it all. | ||
| Tom Hanks versus John Glenn. | ||
| Navy SEAL from a movie versus real Navy SEAL. Dinosaur versus chicken. | ||
| I want to see it. | ||
| Isn't that what Mark Wahlberg said if he was on the plane? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Spy versus... | ||
| Did he really say that, though? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what everybody says. | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| I never heard him say that. | ||
| It's a funny thing to think. | ||
| It's a crazy thing to think. | ||
| You know, who knows what the fuck you would do if you thought that you were just going to land somewhere. | ||
| You know, that's the idea is that you knew what was going to happen before it happened. | ||
| Nobody knows. | ||
| While that shit's going down, someone's got box cutters. | ||
| They're holding a waitress. | ||
| They're holding a stewardess by the neck. | ||
| Like, you know, you don't know what the fuck's happening. | ||
| You have no idea what's going on. | ||
| You're afraid to move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, I'm sure that a lot of people would step up. | ||
| But, you know, it could potentially cost that person their life. | ||
| And then when the plane lands, that person's dead. | ||
| If you don't know, right? | ||
| You don't know the actual scenario. | ||
| Now, obviously, we know it was a horrible thing and you should do whatever you can to stop them because they're going to kill everybody no matter what. | ||
| But back then, you didn't know. | ||
| I mean, if someone just took the plane and landed it and the stewardess lived, you would be like, glad I didn't do anything. | ||
| He jumped up and he cut her face off, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like in those moments when you don't know what's going to happen. | ||
| So if I was on that plane, okay, with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did. | ||
| There would have been a lot of blood in that first class cabin than me saying, okay, we're going to land somewhere safely. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| See, I see where he's coming from, right? | ||
| He's got kids that he loves. | ||
| He's got a family that he loves. | ||
| He wouldn't have sat still. | ||
| That's what he's saying. | ||
| Yeah, that's what he's saying. | ||
| And in his mind, he probably has that conviction. | ||
| Even if it meant ruining everybody's life. | ||
| Would it work? | ||
| If it didn't work, what do they have? | ||
| Do you know what they have? | ||
| They don't know. | ||
| You know they have a box cutter. | ||
| Do they have anything else? | ||
| How many of them are there? | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is anybody going to back you up? | ||
| Does anybody else know how to fight? | ||
| You could get fucked up. | ||
| You could step up thinking you're Billy Badass and this guy is some trained martial artist who smashes your face in and cuts you up with a box cutter. | ||
| That could happen too. | ||
| It still pulls its belt off and blows the plane up. | ||
| Who the fuck knows, man? | ||
| That's why there's professionals, right? | ||
| That's where there's professional, those air marshals that can assess the situation and figure out. | ||
| And obviously, you know, they weren't, either they weren't there on that plane or they couldn't help. | ||
| I was thinking about it if I was in that position. | ||
| How could you, I mean, who the fuck knows what you would do? | ||
| Well, since I look like I'm on the other team, I would have said, my friend. | ||
| Imagine fucking it up. | ||
| My friend, my friend, my friend. | ||
| They're like, come on, get up and do your... | ||
| I'm like, I'm not part of the team. | ||
| Dave, do your foreign guy thing. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah, you'll be, you know, have you ever been so scared that you're frozen instant for a second? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you can't know what the right thing to do is. | ||
| And the wrong thing can be so catastrophic, right? | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Plus he went as far as to say that he's making announcements on the plane when this is all happening. | ||
| We're landing safe. | ||
| He's now the pilot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the movies, he gets to be a hero. | |
| That's true, yeah. | ||
| In the movie, you get to grab the intercom at the end and go, thanks for flying so-and-so air. | ||
| Sometimes you say things like that because that's how you feel. | ||
| And you don't think about how other people are going to perceive it. | ||
| That's what I would assume that statement is. | ||
| That's how he felt. | ||
| Like, fuck that. | ||
| I'm landing this fucking plane. | ||
| I'm gonna kill these fucking terrorists. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what he told his kids one night. | ||
| The problem is you're saying that to billions of people. | ||
| And billions of people hear that and they go, what? | ||
| And then all these people get to assess your statement, whether or not it makes any sense. | ||
| Like, what are you going to do? | ||
| Are you going to kick everybody's ass? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You sure? | ||
| I know a lot of dudes who, if they were there and you tried to do that, you'd get smashed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, there's scary people in this world. | ||
| Holding weapons on them. | ||
| I would assume if you're ready to die like that, you have a very strange kind of conviction, too. | ||
| If you know you're ready to die and you know how to fight, like, oof. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I mean, who knows? | ||
| But it's like, just... | ||
| The idea that you would have to think about it. | ||
| That's what's really terrifying. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| The idea that you would have to think, like, what do I do? | ||
| If someone does hijack a plane. | ||
| Don't we all think that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Every situation now, there's that... | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| What happens? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I mean, so you hear people run and they survive, and people run and get shot down, and they go the wrong way. | ||
| Anytime a tragedy like that happens, you're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Horrific, random set of sequences, and you're in the wrong spot. | ||
| And you do the right heroic? | ||
| How about how many people must do the heroic thing, and then they die anyway, and you never know about it? | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| I wonder what Uncle Steve did in that situation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| It seems like those fucking things are happening more and more lately. | ||
| All the time. | ||
| Is the rate more accelerated now than it's ever been before, as well as the numbers of these shootings and shit? | ||
| It's like, what is happening? | ||
| What the fuck is going on that this keeps happening? | ||
| And they happen like, every couple of days there's like a little one. | ||
| Like a two or three people one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Which is like not that big a deal anymore. | ||
| Well that's what it was when it was about knives and swords. | ||
| People would go on a killing spree. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But now it's, you kill more people. | ||
| And you know, not everybody would die with a knife. | ||
| London has a bunch of knife attacks. | ||
| London has so many knife attacks that their murder rate exceeded New York City's murder rate with just knives. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| Make sure it's true. | ||
| Machete attack. | ||
| The fucking president or the mayor of London was saying something that they won't tolerate knives anymore. | ||
| Can't have knives. | ||
| Sounds better. | ||
| I know, but everybody's like, what? | ||
| In New York, you know, you have a guy who's off his meds and he's just like walking around with a hammer, you know, so it could happen. | ||
| it doesn't really matter what the weapon is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| London has overtaken New York for murders for the first time in modern history after a surge of knife crimes across the capital. | ||
| Verdict, though, selective use of statistics from the start of 2018 appeared to bear this out, but the reality is that New York still appears to be more violent than London. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| We did it! | ||
| That was written by a New Yorker. | ||
| New York is so back right now, man. | ||
| New York's on fire. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| You love it? | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I haven't been there as much in the last few weeks, but when I'm there, all summer I was there. | ||
| You're a bi-coastal guy, though. | ||
| You're a freedom guy. | ||
| I love the way you're living your life. | ||
| You just fly here, you fly there. | ||
| Have you been to his houses? | ||
| No, but I've seen photos of the pool. | ||
| The LA one is awesome. | ||
| The New York one is like, I don't know. | ||
| Dump? | ||
| You can tell he doesn't live there. | ||
| It's like a crash pad, but it's a... | ||
| It's a nice place. | ||
| I'm not saying it isn't a place. | ||
| But it's an old school New York building with the elevator. | ||
| The guy has to use the elevator operating guy. | ||
| I live in an old fancy, snobby 5th Avenue co-op. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Hello, Mr. Ross. | ||
| They're not snobby, but I had to go through a co-op interview. | ||
| Buddy Hackett wrote my recommendation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| New York, it's all rules. | ||
| So many permits. | ||
| L.A. is tricky. | ||
| There's shootings, there's fires. | ||
| That's why that caravan turned back. | ||
| Is that why? | ||
| Do you see the photos of people running towards the border and gas coming at them? | ||
| The whole idea of knowing that there's a big group of people headed towards the border. | ||
| I'm like, what is this? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| People are fleeing. | ||
| They're terrified. | ||
| Imagine what they're leaving to come to that. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Imagine what's at home. | ||
| Who's playing Honduras? | ||
| It's crazy that it's all this planned out event. | ||
| Everybody's watching the migration headed toward the border. | ||
| Has this ever happened before? | ||
| Yeah, there was something that someone posted about Obama in 2013 during the Obama administration. | ||
| It wasn't like Obama was hucking tear gas over the fence. | ||
| But somebody during that administration appeared to have used tear gas on an illegal immigrant as well. | ||
| But it wasn't... | ||
| I don't think it was this kind of thing. | ||
| This kind of thing seems... | ||
| It's like the Cuban boat lift. | ||
| That's what I felt like about it. | ||
| It's like they're fleeing, you know, like a despot or, you know... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's political and economic. | ||
| It's everything. | ||
| I mean, they want to come to the promised land like all of our ancestors did. | ||
| That's why we're here. | ||
| But then we got to a point where like, nah. | ||
| I don't think it's just about... | ||
| It's not just about they want to come here. | ||
| It's about what's at home that they've got to get away from. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| And now with the internet and information, they go, wow, maybe we don't have to be in this gang. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Maybe I can get my kid out when he's three instead of watching him die at 15. Yeah, and have opportunity. | ||
| I mean, that's what everybody wanted that came here in the first place. | ||
| It's just, at this point, if you're a poor person from Guatemala, I mean, how hard is it to immigrate to America if you don't have any skills, you have a very short education? | ||
| It's got to be really fucking hard to become a U.S. citizen. | ||
| Probably super difficult. | ||
| You've got to be super brave. | ||
| You've got to learn another language to really figure out how to get through all the other countries and into America. | ||
| You don't have to learn it, but it certainly helps if you want to thrive. | ||
| I would go to Costa Rica. | ||
| Have you been down there? | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Everybody I know who's been there, they're like, this is the place. | ||
| I'm going to move here after I retire, so that might be a good second place. | ||
| A guy offered me weed, girls, and coke in front of my daughter while I was holding her hand. | ||
| I was like, damn. | ||
| And surf lessons. | ||
| Everybody there is a professional surfer. | ||
| On the beach, man. | ||
| The guy's like, what you want, girls? | ||
| You want coke? | ||
| I'm like, yo, bro. | ||
| I'm holding a five-year-old's hand. | ||
| This is outrageous. | ||
| She's like, coke, friends? | ||
| Back to school discount. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, what? | ||
| Dude is offering me cocaine, like, right there. | ||
| What you need? | ||
| Monkeys are everywhere, man. | ||
| Everywhere you go, monkeys. | ||
| They eat Oreos, they open them up and chew the white part first. | ||
| Yeah, they eat so many Oreos that they know how to pop them up and they chew that white shit. | ||
| Wow, like a show. | ||
| Yeah, we were concerned. | ||
| We were like, should we really give the monkey a cookie? | ||
| I mean, cookies are toxic. | ||
| It's all sugar. | ||
| We gave the monkey the monkey, took that thing, popped the top, chewing that white stuff. | ||
| I was like, damn, that monkey probably lives on a steady diet of Oreos. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Because the Oreos are in the mini bar at the hotel, and the monkey's right there, and you're like, I'm an Oreo, man. | ||
| I want to see him happy. | ||
| They have no fear of people. | ||
| No, they have a little bit of fear. | ||
| There's a little bit of apprehension. | ||
| They definitely size you up, because I'm sure they run into dickhead humans. | ||
| And they're fucking dangerous, man. | ||
| I mean, if they decide to fuck you up, they can hurt you. | ||
| They can claw your face apart. | ||
| They can bite you. | ||
| They can really do damage, especially if they decide to act as a group. | ||
| But they just seem to be interested in getting food. | ||
| I had a monkey swing at me once on a TV set, and I'll never forget it. | ||
| I'll never go near another one. | ||
| Swing at your face? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| I was holding its hand. | ||
| We were entering. | ||
| I was hosting a gong show pilot a million years ago, and I was entering with a fucking chimp holding his hand. | ||
| We were matching tuxedos. | ||
| I got along with him all day, rehearsals, and then whatever, when that band kicked in and the lights were in the roll and the audience was cheering. | ||
| Yeah, he really, I don't know if he was asking for more money or what the fuck was going on. | ||
| Oh, that makes sense, man. | ||
| It probably hurt his ears. | ||
| Probably was so confused, all the people there. | ||
| Doesn't speak your language. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck you're saying, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I have a good monkey story. | ||
| Nobody has any good ones. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I was on another TV show and they had the monkey. | ||
| And they go, hey, whatever, Clarabelle, whatever your name is. | ||
| They're like, this is Dave. | ||
| Shake hands. | ||
| And the monkey didn't even stop hugging the person. | ||
| Just let... | ||
| The foot come up and I shook their foot because their feet are like hands. | ||
| I was like, how cool is that? | ||
| I couldn't get over it. | ||
| I was like, if you could shake hands with your feet, wouldn't you do it all the time? | ||
| It's like, oh, hey, what's up? | ||
| Okay, so I can keep doing my other stuff. | ||
| Yeah, like, not a bump. | ||
| I was like, that's really cool. | ||
| I just shook feet hands. | ||
| They're versatile. | ||
| Yeah, alright. | ||
| Maybe it's not that great a story, but I still think that's a good monkey story. | ||
| That's a win for both. | ||
| I like communication. | ||
| But then, you know, parrots, of course. | ||
| We could talk about it all night. | ||
| People who keep parrots as pets and then they die? | ||
| Because parrots live to be like 90 years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, they do. | |
| So you get some old lady's parrot that's still got 60 years left in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're racist. | ||
| Who wants them? | ||
| Full fucking tank. | ||
| That parrot's got a full tank. | ||
| I'm going to take that thing. | ||
| And now he's got a... | ||
| He's screaming. | ||
| Take your pills. | ||
| Take your pills. | ||
| He's screaming at you. | ||
| They just always want attention. | ||
| They're weird, man. | ||
| Yeah, they want to sit right on your shoulder or in your hand. | ||
| They want you to open up the cage and talk to them. | ||
| They want to be around you all the time. | ||
| Parrots are smart, man. | ||
| They do not like to get just left alone. | ||
| If you think you're going to be some asshole as a cute bird sitting in the cage in the middle of your living room, oh, that's my parrot. | ||
| I'm interesting. | ||
| No, that parrot needs you. | ||
| Hey, hey, bye! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get over here, bitch. | |
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| They want attention. | ||
| Like, come on, motherfucker. | ||
| I don't want to just sit in this cage. | ||
| Let me out. | ||
| Let me out. | ||
| Let's walk around. | ||
| Let me sit on your shoulder. | ||
| Put on a nose! | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Let's see what's on TV. Come on. | ||
| I'm fucking bored. | ||
| Parrots are smart, man. | ||
| The reason why they... | ||
| I mean, they're not smart. | ||
| I didn't know they lived that long. | ||
| They live a long-ass time. | ||
| A long-ass time. | ||
| Are they smarter or dumber than owls? | ||
| Dave has theories on this. | ||
| I'm always in search of the next owl joke. | ||
| That's my big thing. | ||
| Well, we know that ravens are really smart. | ||
| They're super smart. | ||
| They solve puzzles and shit. | ||
| Like, scientists have set up all these puzzles for ravens. | ||
| Yeah, they'll take a stick and then use the stick to get a longer stick and then use that stick to get the food out. | ||
| Like, multi-step... | ||
| Like, problem solving. | ||
| Ravens can do weird shit. | ||
| And we know that, you know, a bunch of other different birds are pretty fucking smart. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| My hawks, I have hawks in my neighborhood. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| Who fly right over my house all the time. | ||
| They're fascinating to watch. | ||
| They really like to show off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would assume that all those predators have to be smart. | ||
| They have to be ruthless and smart to get along. | ||
| If you're out there picking up squirrels and rats and shit like they're doing, they're just firebombing out of the sky, snatching things up. | ||
| From angles that only they understand. | ||
| My friend Tom was in his backyard, sitting down, having a cup of coffee, and he saw a dove land on top of his fence, and then out of nowhere, this hawk just... | ||
| Jack that dove! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| He said it was like a big explosion of feathers that the hawk just swooped in going like 150 miles an hour. | ||
| Snatched the dove right off it and took off. | ||
| And he was just sitting there with his coffin saying like, what the fuck? | ||
| He goes like 10 yards from my head. | ||
| If I was that dove, I would have kicked that fucking bird's fucking ass. | ||
| You would have landed safely. | ||
| I would have landed safely back on your buddy's fence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I told everybody... | |
| Fuck Hawks. | ||
| If I was a dove with kids... | ||
| What do his kids have to do with being on the plane? | ||
| Well, that would make him motivated. | ||
| He's a protector. | ||
| I see. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll give him that. | ||
| He probably knows how to fight a little bit, too. | ||
| It looks like he does. | ||
| It looks like he does in that movie play Mickey Ward. | ||
| It looks like he knows how to box. | ||
| He definitely knows how to throw punches. | ||
| You know, this Michael B. Jordan thing is fascinating to me. | ||
| He'll listen to you. | ||
| He'll put money on it. | ||
| I hope he does. | ||
| Someone will tell him. | ||
| Look, I'm sure he's a smart guy, and I'm sure he's a great athlete, and I'm sure he probably knows how to box a little bit, but if you kind of box a guy like Roy Jones Jr., you know what you do? | ||
| You start in the amateurs, and you learn how to box, and then you become a professional, and then one day you box Roy Jones Jr. Like Paul Newman in the race cars. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| But you're not getting hit. | ||
| See, the very unique thing about combat sports is you're getting hit. | ||
| So it's not like someone's dunking on you. | ||
| Like, if you play basketball with Kobe Bryant, you're going to get lit up. | ||
| You're going to look like a fool. | ||
| But you're not going to get hit. | ||
| If you box with Roy Jones Jr., you're going to get hit. | ||
| You're going to get hit. | ||
| You're going to get dinged. | ||
| Michael B. Jordan got knocked out during the Creed filming with an accidental punch that landed. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, where they were hitting him, and he tried to turn his head at the last minute, but he didn't turn it quick enough, and he got clipped and dropped. | ||
| Maybe that's why he knows he can take a punch now. | ||
| Maybe that's giving him the confidence. | ||
| He did it on purpose. | ||
| I think the way it was is like you take the punch, then you turn your head, but it looked like he took the punch just a little too hard. | ||
| That's real, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But do you think they're even using real gloves there? | ||
| They're not using regulation. | ||
| No, they're using boxing gloves. | ||
| Real 10-ounce boxing gloves. | ||
| Could it be bullshit? | ||
| I love those Creed movies. | ||
| They might have done it. | ||
| See something like this? | ||
| You don't know if it's like some hyped-up thing they do for a publicity stunt. | ||
| Like, watch this, though. | ||
| See, they're practicing it like this. | ||
| See, right there? | ||
| No, see? | ||
| That's real, dude. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| See the way his head snaps and his eyes go? | ||
| Play that again. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| I know what a real knockout looks like. | ||
| I've seen a thousand of them in person. | ||
| That's a real knockout. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He fucked up. | ||
| But he's out. | ||
| Yeah, he's out cold, dude. | ||
| He's out cold. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| He ran right into the punch, his head snapped back, his eyes rolled behind his head, and he went unconscious. | ||
| That is 100% a legit knockout. | ||
| But that punch was not even a punch, what he was hit with. | ||
| He made a mistake. | ||
| He didn't have his body behind it. | ||
| He didn't have any power behind it. | ||
| So he was basically knocked out just by coincidence. | ||
| No, no, there's definitely power behind it. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Listen, you could KO someone easily just doing that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That was a perfect punch. | ||
| It was a perfect punch that landed on his jaw as he was moving forward. | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| The key is that he was turning his head into it, and he didn't think it was coming, and he took it right on the jaw. | ||
| Let's see it again, because I didn't see any hit for any of that. | ||
| This guy, what he's doing is, they're choreographing how the sequence is going to go, and somewhere along the line, either it was a miscalculation or a mistake was made by Michael B. Jordan. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Watch this, right here. | ||
| See, he fucked up, and he turned into it, and that guy is throwing, like, I mean, even though it's not the most powerful punch in the world. | ||
| It's faster than I thought. | ||
| And he knows how to punch, okay? | ||
| So his weight is behind that, his shoulder's behind that. | ||
| That's a guy who's punched people in the face before. | ||
| He knows exactly how to do it. | ||
| So even though he's only doing it like this, even though he's only doing that, if you run into it and he catches you right in the chin, you're going out. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And that's what happens. | ||
| So how did that get leaked? | ||
| I don't know if it got leaked or if they put it out on purpose. | ||
| I think they put it out to show that it's... | ||
| I think they probably put it out to show. | ||
| Like, this is hard training they're doing for this. | ||
| And, you know, there was an accident on the set and he got knocked out. | ||
| That would be not the clip I'd want out there if I was him. | ||
| But if he turns into it like that... | ||
| Obviously, that's very... | ||
| He was younger then. | ||
| He's bigger and stronger now. | ||
| He's older. | ||
| His body's more mature. | ||
| But either way... | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So that was an old... | ||
| If you want to box Roy Jones Jr. That's in the first one. | ||
| You've got to become a career boxer. | ||
| Unless he's so old that he can't take a punch anymore. | ||
| Roy knows he's not going to do it or he would never have given up his strategy like that. | ||
| Saying, I need him five, six rounds. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's just shit talking. | ||
| Roy Jones did that his whole career. | ||
| He would tell you exactly how he was going to beat guys. | ||
| His whole career joined. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he's still Roy Jones Jr. This is crazy talk. | |
| Like, him saying that. | ||
| He should just play dumb and be like, I guess. | ||
| Maybe he's good. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| That's not what he would do. | ||
| He would say, this is how I'm going to do it. | ||
| And then he would go out and do it. | ||
| Say, I'm going to need you to get tired out and see what it feels like to be in a real fight. | ||
| You take a beating. | ||
| Yeah, man, look. | ||
| If Roy Jones Jr. just gets you into the third, fourth, and fifth round, and all your adrenaline dump is gone, because you're not used to boxing a world-class boxer in a professional match that's on pay-per-view that millions of people are watching, you're not used to that experience. | ||
| So that experience is taxing. | ||
| It's nerve-wracking. | ||
| You're going to have all this adrenaline rush through your body. | ||
| Even if you're the chillest of chill dudes, you're going to be just a little bit too amped up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So then around that second round comes in, you start heaving, and you can't breathe that good, and you're just kind of like, Roy's just kind of boxing you. | ||
| He's just boxing you. | ||
| He's not hurting you. | ||
| He's just boxing you. | ||
| Occasionally you get stung a little bit. | ||
| Then the third round moves in, and he starts moving left and right and coming in. | ||
| Stinging you hard, the jab, stepping in with a lead hand uppercut, and you're like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Now you're getting teed off on. | ||
| And now he's talking, he's dancing, he's moving around, and then he just starts throwing bombs on you. | ||
| And you can't defend him because you're exhausted. | ||
| And he hooks you to the liver and drops you. | ||
| He starts running around trying to get away from him. | ||
| He can't get away! | ||
| He's too good! | ||
| He's been doing it for too long! | ||
| But Joan said that he says, yeah, he probably can go long and hard on me because he's all trained up. | ||
| But do you think he would come at him like full tilt in the first round or two and just like really like take him to school, you know, like beat him down? | ||
| That's so dangerous. | ||
| Because when you get real aggressive is when you get hit. | ||
| Because when you get real aggressive, see, if I know you're coming at me, you're running at me, you're running at me. | ||
| All I have to do is figure out how much time and space I need to get something off as you're coming at me. | ||
| Because I know where you're going. | ||
| It's dangerous when you don't know if someone's coming or going. | ||
| When you don't know if they're coming or going, that's when a fight is weird. | ||
| So the beginning of every fight, people are feeling each other out. | ||
| They don't know if someone's coming or going. | ||
| If I know that you're just running at me and I'm Roy Jones Jr., I'm going to step back and I'm going to time it and I'm going to crack you. | ||
| And I'm going to crack you in a way that you probably don't see coming. | ||
| You probably don't see it in the gym too much. | ||
| I'm just going to stiff arm you with a jab, pop you in place, step to the left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| He's going to drop a right hand on your chin. | ||
| He's going to fuck you up. | ||
| And then he's going to turn around. | ||
| He's going to be behind you. | ||
| And he's going to look at you to see if you're still okay. | ||
| And then he's going to do it again. | ||
| And he's going to keep doing it. | ||
| And if you keep chasing after him, you're going to get fucked up. | ||
| You're going to get your face punched in. | ||
| So the only other thing to do is you've got to box him. | ||
| So okay, now you're boxing, one of the greatest boxers of all time. | ||
| And he's going to just figure you out. | ||
| Like, what do you got? | ||
| What do you do when I do this? | ||
| What happens when I do this? | ||
| What happens here? | ||
| Could I have punched you? | ||
| Oh, I could have. | ||
| And then he's going to figure out when to move and when you're going to get tired. | ||
| And he's going to start dropping bombs on you. | ||
| It's going to be awful. | ||
| Would you have respected it if he said, oh, you know, I want to box a few matches first and then get to right? | ||
| I think he's just talking shit. | ||
| He's just having a good time. | ||
| He probably didn't expect anybody to run with it. | ||
| He didn't expect people to analyze it. | ||
| That's the guy who hit him in that video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This guy. | |
| He's an actual real boxer. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He knocked out David Hay before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
His name is Tony Bellew. | |
| Oh, dude. | ||
| That guy is a legit boxer. | ||
| He just got stopped by that badass Russian motherfucker. | ||
| On TV really recently. | ||
| He's a top flight boxer. | ||
| So for him to knock him out, of course. | ||
| He's so good, man. | ||
| So for him to do it accidentally makes complete total sense. | ||
| Wow, look at the... | ||
| Jeez, wow. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's a beast, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| Like a legit top-flight boxer. | ||
| So he's in there even just accidentally getting punched in the face by a guy that dude. | ||
| Makes me want to see the movie, I'll tell you that. | ||
| Michael Jordan talking shit makes me want to see it. | ||
| I wonder how long it took him to recover and get back to training and filming after that. | ||
| It's like you never... | ||
| In the heavyweight class, you never saw abs until the movies. | ||
| You never... | ||
| It was always like... | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| You know, they were like... | ||
| They were like basically... | ||
| Punching bags. | ||
| Now it's like they have to be so... | ||
| Tyson you saw abs when he came out of prison. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| When he fought Peter McNeely, dude, he was prison jacked. | ||
| That was like maybe the scariest Tyson ever. | ||
| Like they finally released him and all he'd been doing in jail is... | ||
| Was working out. | ||
| I don't think he could box in jail. | ||
| So I think he was just lifting weights. | ||
| Remember he was super duper jacked when he got out of jail? | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| Can I see a picture? | ||
| He was, yeah. | ||
| Go to Tyson versus Peter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, there you go. | |
| Yeah, that's Tyson versus Peter McNeely. | ||
| That was in 1995. Yeah, he looks good there. | ||
| Dude, he looks terrifying! | ||
| That was the most terrifying looking Tyson ever. | ||
| He just looked like he was made out of steel. | ||
| Just a tank of a man. | ||
| And I'll never forget the fucking weigh-in. | ||
| Or the stare-down, rather. | ||
| Because during the stare-down, Peter McNeely signed up for that fight knowing that he's a tough guy who's going to take a fucking vicious beating. | ||
| That's what he signed up for. | ||
| He knew what he was doing. | ||
| He knew he was going to give it his all, but he knew... | ||
| If you had to bet, most people were not betting on Peter McNeely. | ||
| But you could see it in Tyson's face when he's staring him down. | ||
| There's this crazy... | ||
| He's following him everywhere he goes, like a predator, dude. | ||
| It's like a predator who can't wait to get the green light to let the genie out of the bottle. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| This is Tyson's first fight. | ||
| Like, look, you see Peter McNeely's kind of looking down, and you look over at Tyson. | ||
| Look at his eyes. | ||
| Oh, yeah, look at that. | ||
| That is fucking terrifying. | ||
| If you're looking at that, and you know you're about to fight by Tyson, and he's smiling, and trying to, like, he's trying to, like, make light of it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And he looks just like a prison guard. | ||
| Dude, he is... | ||
| So easy. | ||
| Oh yeah, he does. | ||
| Yeah, that same hair. | ||
| That's prison guard hair. | ||
| After the Charlie... | ||
| Green Mile hair. | ||
| Mike Tyson. | ||
| I sat next to him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Green Mile hair! | |
| God. | ||
| I sat next to Tyson at the Charlie Sheen roast and made a lot of jokes about him. | ||
| And afterwards, Dice called me. | ||
| I didn't really know Dice at the time. | ||
| He called me like a couple weeks later. | ||
| He's like, Jeff, it's Dice. | ||
| He's like, he's like... | ||
| He basically said that he couldn't believe I said those things to Mike Tyson, like he was offended. | ||
| I go, what do you mean? | ||
| He's like, do you have any idea what that animal could have done to you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were two feet away. | |
| We've been friends ever since. | ||
| That's hilarious and true. | ||
| I didn't think about Tyson. | ||
| He seemed like a pussycat at the time. | ||
| At the time. | ||
| But if that was Tyson from like 1986? | ||
| I think if I watched an old fight, yeah. | ||
| Look at you! | ||
| By the end of the night, I'm literally like laughing into his lap. | ||
| He loved it. | ||
| Oh yeah, he loved it. | ||
| He could take jokes. | ||
| He could take jokes. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| But you wouldn't want to be doing that. | ||
| I said, I don't want to piss you off, Mike. | ||
| If you would do that to your face, imagine what you would do to mine. | ||
| He's basically the only celebrity to ever pull off a face mask. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| A face tattoo? | ||
| Who else has done it? | ||
| What celebrity? | ||
| Charles Manson? | ||
| Well, those mumble rapper dudes. | ||
| Yeah, like post Malone type characters. | ||
| Yeah, Tekashi 69. But he was the first by a long stretch. | ||
| You're saying pulled off as if he pulled that off. | ||
| He's still Mike Tyson. | ||
| Gucci Bane? | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He had the ice cream cone. | ||
| Was that first though? | ||
| I feel like Tyson was close probably at the same time. | ||
| Wow, that's a commitment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| I don't think Gucci has that on his face anymore. | ||
| There's new pictures. | ||
| How do you get that off? | ||
| That'll get you out of jury duty. | ||
| Yeah, they can laser that shit off. | ||
| But it looks like somebody carved that into his face. | ||
| It doesn't even look like a tat. | ||
| Well, that's because it's fresh. | ||
| Because that's like right after it got made. | ||
| It's still there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's just not as... | |
| Right. | ||
| Let me see that. | ||
| My man's got an ice cream cone on his face. | ||
| But now it's yogurt. | ||
| It's a different time. | ||
| Is that today, though? | ||
| Yeah, he's got more tats to it. | ||
| Oh, so they're all over the place. | ||
| That dude's always smiling. | ||
| Ever since he got out of jail, he seems like the happiest guy in the world. | ||
| For real. | ||
| He's got a beautiful wife. | ||
| They kind of look good on him. | ||
| The tattoos look good on him. | ||
| But why is there ice cream right there? | ||
| Does he have a tongue where he's like, hey, look, I can look at ice cream. | ||
| No, because then we'd only be able to lick the bottom part. | ||
| He wouldn't even get the real ice cream. | ||
| I would put the ice cream cone somewhere else. | ||
| Damn, he's got a lot of tattoos. | ||
| It looks good though. | ||
| But the pearls take some of the mean out of the text. | ||
| What's the highest tattoo you have to your face? | ||
| It goes up to my shoulder. | ||
| Both arms, basically the same. | ||
| So you can see all your tattoos? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I don't have any other ones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just these. | |
| No tattoos, Jeff? | ||
| I'm thinking of getting a tramp stamp. | ||
| Dave and I are going to get them. | ||
| Something tribal? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Mine says free Wi-Fi. | ||
| Mine's going to say too legit to shit. | ||
| I'm going with watch out gerbil ahead. | ||
| Ari Shaffir has keep on truckin' tattooed on his side. | ||
| Oh, does he? | ||
| In Hebrew. | ||
| No! | ||
| It's his only tattoo. | ||
| It's preposterous. | ||
| Keep on truckin'? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you seen it, Jamie? | ||
| Yeah, he's got a keep on truckin' tattoo. | ||
| I'm right about this, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was looking for other face tattoos. | ||
| You know who else has keep on truckin'? | ||
| Who used to have it? | ||
| It was Tony Danza. | ||
| He used to have, like, keep on truckin'. | ||
| That was like a thing that people used to say. | ||
| Well, I remember. | ||
| I mean, I'm sure I had a keep on trucking patch or t-shirt. | ||
| Yeah, a t-shirt. | ||
| A hat. | ||
| Like, what was that? | ||
| What was going on? | ||
| The keep on trucking. | ||
| Hang in there, baby. | ||
| That was one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Keep on trucking. | ||
| But nobody had hanging... | ||
| Well, I'm sure people got hang in there, baby, tattoos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Why am I saying nobody? | ||
| Joe, what do you got? | ||
| This is a bumping mic hat. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Is that mine? | ||
| Yeah, you can put it in your Dave's old porn hat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| I don't even have one of these. | ||
| That show was fun, man. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
| I've given you two of them already. | ||
| Dude, that show was fun. | ||
| That was a good one, Joe. | ||
| You really rocked that show. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
| That was a great show. | ||
| They should have never taken that off the air. | ||
| Bumping mics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I hope it's not a bad... | ||
| I give him always a hat from every show. | ||
| He always helps me out. | ||
| That's very thoughtful. | ||
| They go nowhere, the shows. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| No, this one's a hit. | ||
| I feel it, Dave. | ||
| I'm hoping. | ||
| This is our moment, buddy. | ||
| I don't believe in that kind of jinxes. | ||
| This is our moment. | ||
| This is the talk of flip phone people. | ||
| You're worried about voodoo. | ||
| It's a gypsy curse. | ||
| Don't give a hat out. | ||
| You talk about your last special took a long time to get together. | ||
| This took us... | ||
| A couple years. | ||
| Well, not even. | ||
| It came together pretty quick from Montreal to a year later we shot it. | ||
| But I feel like it's also about our friendship or whatever you want to call it for 25 years. | ||
| So it kind of puts a... | ||
| Puts a nice button on it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's a first button, maybe. | ||
| What are you doing over there? | ||
| You're pouring things into a bag. | ||
| I just don't want to leave my ashes here. | ||
| Dave has a lot of weird cigarette, coffee, kind of straw. | ||
| You letting me smoke in here was like, thank you, dude. | ||
| Oh, no problem. | ||
| I'm glad it works. | ||
| The thing works great. | ||
| If there's any low-spectrum people watching our show, you can just watch Dave and his cigarettes. | ||
| You'll learn a lot about it. | ||
| In my weird... | ||
| Phobias. | ||
| Dice was the reason why I put it in. | ||
| How much is he smoking now? | ||
| He doesn't smoke as much as he used to. | ||
| I haven't seen him in quite a while, but last time he did the podcast, did he smoke the last time or the time before that? | ||
| He takes time off, I think. | ||
| For a while, he would just bring them on stage. | ||
| He's smoking. | ||
| He's smoking. | ||
| Smoking a lot? | ||
| I saw him. | ||
| I came on his new podcast recently. | ||
| I'm over here. | ||
| He made me pretend he was half an hour late, even though I was ten minutes late. | ||
| He had a whole bit worked out where I had to go in the studio and just wait and talk to myself, basically, that he has to come in pretending he's late. | ||
| That was the only direction. | ||
| For an hour and a half. | ||
| It's so funny, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| He cracks me up so much. | ||
| My first time, so my second time headlining was opening for Ray Romano in Poughkeepsie. | ||
| And Dice is at the height of his fame. | ||
| I'm dressed like him, like you had to be to even get work. | ||
| And it's like, I'm a Jersey comic, 1990, 91. And Dice is at the Poughkeepsie Civic Center, right next door to the comedy club. | ||
| Our hotel, we heard Dice was staying there. | ||
| People were pulling fire alarms. | ||
| It was like the biggest band. | ||
| He was a rock star, yeah. | ||
| So they were pulling fire alarms to try to get everybody to evacuate? | ||
| Yeah, just so Dice would come out, right? | ||
| Wow! | ||
| Finally, our show, his show's on Saturday, Friday night now. | ||
| Ray Romano's headlining at Poughkeepsie. | ||
| Bananas? | ||
| Oh yeah, I remember that place. | ||
| And just, I'm up there, I'm doing my 10th, 5th, 12th minute opening, and through the darkness, this guy I kind of recognized from like, you know, news articles was Club Soda Kenny. | ||
| He comes through the darkness with a note. | ||
| It's Friday night, and the note just says, please welcome the undisputed king of comedy, Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
| So as I read it, and the place goes... | ||
| Right? | ||
| So Dice walks on stage. | ||
| He does whatever, like a 15-minute guest set. | ||
| The crowd goes crazy. | ||
| They loved it. | ||
| And then I learned a lot, actually. | ||
| Ray Romano came up as the headliner, who was not known at all. | ||
| He wasn't on TV yet. | ||
| And killed. | ||
| Ray's a great comic. | ||
| He's still doing his props. | ||
| But I really learned, like, oh, you know what? | ||
| The audience will follow, will watch a great comic no matter what just happened. | ||
| Ray was in his prime back then, too. | ||
| I opened up for Ray at Jimmy's Comedy Alley in Queens. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And Ray was, that was when Ray was just, he had done HBO, he'd done something on HBO, but he was just a machine, man. | ||
| People didn't realize how, I mean, I feel like he's one of those guys that people don't talk about when they talk about great stand-up comics because he hasn't put a lot of stuff out there in a long time ever since Everybody Loves Raymond. | ||
| You know, a lot of stuff as far as his stand-up. | ||
| He just shot a Netflix special at the Cellar, too. | ||
| So that should be coming out soon. | ||
| But you're right, he hasn't put out anything until I think this is like his first real hour. | ||
| I know he was working with Kevin James. | ||
| They did a bunch of gigs together. | ||
| I'm friends with Kevin. | ||
| No, he goes on the road. | ||
| But he still murders, was my point. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He still murders. | ||
| He is a great comic. | ||
| He was always so funny. | ||
| Someone once described it like you could airdrop him anywhere and his act will kill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like anywhere in America. | ||
| Relatable. | ||
| We're all kind of the same. | ||
| We all kind of listen to the same stuff now. | ||
| He's another guy that could be a nicer guy. | ||
| He's the best. | ||
| He's always been really cool to me. | ||
| Always. | ||
| Through the height of his fame. | ||
| Never changed for a second. | ||
| Isn't it kind of weird how the assholes sort of disappear eventually? | ||
| You don't even know where they evaporate to. | ||
| Well, when... | ||
| I'm still here. | ||
| You know, you were talking about you're a comedian almost before you're an American, right? | ||
| That's when... | ||
| And that doesn't mean I don't love my... | ||
| I'm not trying to act like I'm very in love with where I live. | ||
| Of course, of course. | ||
| You're just saying you're so attached to being a comedian. | ||
| It's in my blood in a way that... | ||
| You feel more comfortable with comics. | ||
| And how devastated would it be if the other comics didn't want you around? | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER Right? | |
| Man without a country. | ||
| That's where it gets fucking dark, man. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So anybody who falls into that group... | ||
| Like, you've fucked up. | ||
| Like, the whole thing is to be friends with the comedians. | ||
| Yeah, the hang is what it's about. | ||
| You know, the hang. | ||
| So how did you feel? | ||
| Let me ask you. | ||
| How did you feel when you were in self... | ||
| You know, you pulled yourself out of the world at a comedy store where you started. | ||
| Did you feel like... | ||
| On a desert island by yourself, or did you find community at the other clubs? | ||
| I never found the same thing, but I just kept working. | ||
| And I was always working with Ari and Joey and Duncan. | ||
| I still kept working with those guys. | ||
| I was working with most of the same comics, and I was just doing practice sets at the Ice House and at the Improv. | ||
| I remember all that. | ||
| To me, the hang was not the same. | ||
| I would do my sets at the improv and just get the fuck out of there. | ||
| There's no place to hang out. | ||
| Now you get to do stand-up on the spot, roast battle, main room, OR, and whatever you'd figure out in the parking lot, and then a podcast in the basement. | ||
| You could literally, if you put a gym in there, you'd probably never leave. | ||
| You literally could do everything in that place. | ||
| You could do three, I've done three shows, no, I've done four shows in a night. | ||
| Because one night I did two sets in the main room, one set in the belly room, and one set in the OR. Because there was two shows. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Dave, I've had to follow this motherfucker so many times. | ||
| Everything I ever taped with you on this show, I developed having to try to follow him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like, steamrolling, like... | ||
| Civilization. | ||
| Everything from Harvey Weinstein to his own inner fucking craziness. | ||
| All in 20 minutes. | ||
| The crowds get spoiled when they see so many great acts just come by. | ||
| For $10, $20, whatever, they get to see Chris Rock, you, Joe, and just people dropping by and working on stuff. | ||
| Is it like this all the time? | ||
| I'm like, you don't even get it. | ||
| You just saw a $500 show for two drinks. | ||
| I always say that to the people at the cellar, too. | ||
| If you're a fan of comedy, it's a fun time. | ||
| Yeah, it's Christmas and New Year's right together. | ||
| But I attribute all this to the thing that you hate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I think it's the internet. | ||
| The internet did all this. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| This is the reason why everybody's aware of how fun it is to go to a live comedy show, how fun it is to watch guys. | ||
| Like, they'll go to see you at the store, and then they'll go to see you again six months later and go, oh, that fucking dodgeball bit. | ||
| Why don't you credit Comedy Central and HBO and Showtime and Netflix and True TV and all the ones that air these specials? | ||
| Comedy Central definitely... | ||
| Netflix, for sure. | ||
| Comedy Central, for sure. | ||
| All those things definitely attribute to it. | ||
| What about evening at the improv? | ||
| YouTube is one of the biggest factors. | ||
| The fact that people can watch stand-up on YouTube. | ||
| That's a giant factor. | ||
| The amount of people that are watching YouTube is off the charts. | ||
| And the fact that they can just type in right now, Jeff Ross stand-up comedy, boom, and instantaneously get it. | ||
| And a lot of those clips come from Comedy Central. | ||
| And HBO and all those other places, which is great. | ||
| It's not one thing that did it, but I think the one big important factor was this new channel of distribution, and that's the internet. | ||
| Whether it's Netflix, which is probably one of the biggest things right now for stand-up comedy specials ever. | ||
| There's never been a thing like Netflix. | ||
| Look what we're doing. | ||
| Three episodes. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Who else would let you do that? | ||
| It takes the pressure off one shiny special. | ||
| You can be more creative with how you present your art. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you wanted to do a two-parter next time, you could. | ||
| Ari did. | ||
| Ari did. | ||
| Not the current one that he's working on right now, but the last one. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| In the same place. | ||
| Ari is so good, man. | ||
| He's out there. | ||
| That's what our Forbes review was harping on. | ||
| The comedy special is completely reinvented lately. | ||
| You can do it as a series. | ||
| You can do whatever you want. | ||
| But as a comedy fan, Netflix is perfect because you don't have to... | ||
| You get to control what you see, you know, and you can watch it and stop it and watch it more. | ||
| You can't even stop it. | ||
| I was watching our show when it came out last night. | ||
| I was just laying in bed watching our new show because I was by myself. | ||
| And like, when it gets to the end of the episodes, you've got to... | ||
| We know where that remote is. | ||
| The next one comes right at you. | ||
| They just try to get you to binge. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on, you want to binge? | |
| I don't understand. | ||
| It's like, whoa, slow down, man. | ||
| Come on, we've got another episode. | ||
| Our first episode ends with Dave just looking in the camera and being like, our next episode starts at 5, 4, 3. I heard that you gotta see the new Mike Judge animated show about country music called I'm With The Band? | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Road Stories from something. | ||
| That sounds great. | ||
| Yeah, he is another guy, man. | ||
| That guy is so talented. | ||
| It's supposed to be phenomenal. | ||
| My friend Steve Ranella was just talking about it on his podcast. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Tales from the Tour Bus. | ||
| Tales from the Tour Bus is supposed to be insanely funny. | ||
| Yeah, like George Jones and all those guys. | ||
| But it's all like gunplay and drugs and chaos, country music stuff. | ||
| And then they animate the story. | ||
| It's really cool. | ||
| He really is a talented guy, man. | ||
| Funk music greats. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This one? | |
| Yes, that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Here's one. | |
| Oh, but wait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's... | |
| I thought it was all country guys. | ||
| Yeah, I thought so too, but there's a different... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe it's like separate seasons or something. | |
| Oh, click on that. | ||
| The Highwaymen? | ||
| Click on Highwaymen. | ||
| So that's with Willie Nelson... | ||
| Oh, Spotify. | ||
| Waylon Jennings, Chris Christopherson, and Johnny Cash. | ||
| That's an episode. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| But that's just a song. | ||
| Highwaymen. | ||
| So that's the song with Highwaymen. | ||
| No, that's the group. | ||
| The Highwaymen, when they all got together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that's that song. | |
| That mega group. | ||
| Yeah, but that's not an episode of the show? | ||
| It is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a playlist of songs from the tour bus show. | |
| Oh, oh, oh, oh. | ||
| Yeah, that's the confusion. | ||
| So I went to the webpage here and... | ||
| Oh, I get it. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This must be a new season where they used it in the 70s, people. | ||
| Do you know that song, Highwaymen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I fly a starship across the universe divide... | |
| And when I reach the other side... | ||
| That's a creepy song, right? | ||
| It's about reincarnation and dudes falling into the dam. | ||
| Yeah, you never fade away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the people who built this country. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Blood sweating. | ||
| But getting them all together, I wonder what that was like. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Those guys? | ||
| Willie! | ||
| How's it going? | ||
| How's young Gunner doing? | ||
| Boys, it's already 3.30. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Time flies. | ||
| Rogan, this is amazing, man. | ||
| Everything we do is like, you get two minutes. | ||
| Yeah, what a great hang, man. | ||
| It's just so fun to be able to express yourself. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Well, it's so fun to have you guys on. | ||
| I fucking loved it. | ||
| I wish you were here more often. | ||
| We can do this anytime you want to do it. | ||
| Dude, you're good to us, but you're great to comedy. | ||
| and honestly I have to tell you you know for the young guys when they heard that I was going to be on here they were like basically creaming because you are the shit you really are man so thank you you're the shit you fuck stop making me feel bad no dude both of you are the shit you're helping you gotta come on stage with us sometime I'll do it. | ||
| I'll bump mics. | ||
| Bring your hat. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| I'll bump mics. | ||
| How come he has a hat and I don't have a fucking hat? | ||
| I gave it away to somebody who helped me. | ||
| Netflix will hook you up. | ||
| They give you one with Velcro. | ||
| It's even better. | ||
| I like Velcro. | ||
| It's nice, exact right amount of distance. | ||
| You don't have to rely on those buttons. | ||
| Rogan's got to pick up his kids and take them out for elk tacos. | ||
| I can only imagine the amount of merch your kids have to... | ||
| Come on, put on this shirt, all the merch that people bring in. | ||
| Kids, grab your bow and arrow. | ||
| We're going out for dinner. | ||
| We have a warehouse full of it. | ||
| Alright, ladies and gentlemen, Dave Attell, you can find him on Twitter, but he doesn't use the internet. | ||
| The real Jeff Ross is you on Instagram, right? | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| You're Dave Attell on Instagram? | ||
| Yeah, I'm in there. | ||
| With that iPhone 2? | ||
| And a shout out to all the, whatchamacallit, I did a food drive in Philly the other day, Preston and Steve. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, nice. | |
| I love those guys. | ||
| Yeah, they really are cool. | ||
| And this is like one of the biggest ones in the country. | ||
| It was great to be a part of it. | ||
| So many cool comics there. | ||
| So just thank you again for having it, for showing up. | ||
| Dave Patel, beautiful human being. | ||
| Jeffrey Ross, beautiful person. | ||
| Love you, bud. | ||
| Love you guys. |
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