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Nov. 20, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:08:14
Joe Rogan Experience #1205 - Jake "The Snake" Roberts & Tony Hinchcliffe
Participants
Main voices
j
jake the snake roberts
01:26:45
j
joe rogan
24:53
t
tony hinchcliffe
11:37
Appearances
Clips
r
rowdy roddy piper
00:02
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Speaker Time Text
joe rogan
Here we go.
Three, two, one, and we're live!
Tony Hinchcliffe.
unidentified
Hello.
joe rogan
Jake the fucking snake.
jake the snake roberts
I can't believe it, man.
joe rogan
In the flesh, sir.
jake the snake roberts
I gotta do this.
What do you know, Joe?
You never heard that before, have you?
joe rogan
I've heard it a couple times.
I've heard, hey, Joe.
I heard you shot your old lady down.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, there you go.
joe rogan
A few times as well.
unidentified
There you go.
joe rogan
I gotta tell you, man, I watched a documentary last night, and it's fantastic.
jake the snake roberts
I appreciate it.
joe rogan
It is.
If that thing doesn't bring tears to your eye, you need to go to a doctor.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, you're not human, man.
joe rogan
No doubt.
Dallas is a fucking saint.
He really is.
jake the snake roberts
Hard-headed.
You know, without it, I'd never made it.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
Because, you know, us junkies, we like to lie a lot, you know.
And alcoholics do, too.
But it was a tough, tough road, man.
He guided me through it.
joe rogan
He's amazing.
jake the snake roberts
Never gave up.
And I can never thank him enough for what he's done for me and giving me all my life back.
Not only my life, but my family.
I got my kids back.
They're all digging me now.
I'm a great-grandfather.
Probably the best grandfather ever.
You know, I'm just saying because it's true.
I mean, I'll fix anybody up, man.
I mean, no.
joe rogan
The detailing of your recovery, though, and him taking you in to, what does he call his house, that house, the accountability house?
jake the snake roberts
Accountability crib, yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, I mean, he's a special guy.
jake the snake roberts
It really is.
You've got to understand.
I mean, no man in his right mind would bring one, much less two, drunks into their home.
You've got to expect tragedy.
There's going to be something come bad out of this.
And he was able to hold us together, man.
I mean, there were a couple of brief moments that got kind of escalated and got kind of stupid.
But you wouldn't give up, man.
joe rogan
Well, I got to know Dallas when he came on the podcast, and one thing that you get about him is this guy, he's not just about himself.
He is really about helping people out.
jake the snake roberts
He gets a buzz off helping people, which to me is just so amazing.
I've picked that up off of him.
I search people out now in the crowd that are having a hard time walking or you see something going on or they're overweight.
You know, I'm so-and-so.
It gets me in using the name Jake the Snake.
I can talk to him.
Hey, you ever thought about trying some DDP yoga, man, because it works.
If you've never done it, DDP yoga is, without a doubt, the number one thing out there for getting healthy.
It makes your body healthy.
It makes your mind healthy.
For him to be out there, he's just a soldier.
joe rogan
He really is.
jake the snake roberts
He pushes all day long, man.
Here's a guy that could be handling it a totally different way, but he still picks up a phone and calls somebody and thanks them for buying the program.
Who the hell does that?
joe rogan
Right, who does do that?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, he does, because he wants to know.
And the next thing you know, he's been on a 25-minute phone call, and they're sending him photos of the before picture, and then he wants them to look at him in the after picture six months from now.
The stories, he's got a million of them.
Success stories.
joe rogan
We played a video when he was in of a gentleman who was...
jake the snake roberts
The paratrooper?
joe rogan
Yeah, guy could barely walk.
I mean, he had done a bunch of paratrooper missions, you know, parachuting out of planes and landing on his knees.
His knees are destroyed, legs are destroyed, backs are destroyed.
Everything's fucked up.
He starts out, barely can stand, barely can walk.
jake the snake roberts
Two canes.
joe rogan
Yeah, two canes.
By the end of the video, this guy's running.
He's running, he's doing full yoga poses, and it's these incremental steps, incremental steps, but he kept getting better, kept getting better, kept getting better, and that is, it's so symbolic of like your journey in life.
If you just decide to give up and decide to just...
Fuck the world.
I'm just going to just eat and drink myself into oblivion.
You have been there.
You can talk about this.
jake the snake roberts
I stayed there a long time, man.
joe rogan
But then you turn it around.
I fucking love that.
I love stories like that.
jake the snake roberts
But it's a one in a million shot, man, unless you have a Diamond Dallas page in your corner.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Because it wasn't only about Dallas helping me.
It was the whole crew.
See, Dallas, you know, he came up with the idea, him and Steve, you, who's a business manager, whatever, and they said, look, we're going to bring you back through this.
We're going to film the whole thing.
I'm like, I don't know about that, because I got burnt bad in a film a while back.
They just cut me a new one, man.
They lied to me.
Anyway, it happens.
We're going to film this whole thing, and at the end of it, if we put it together and you don't like it, it'll never go out.
Really.
You're gonna give me that right.
You're going to invest this money and this time.
Because I stayed there for three and a half years.
Because it took me that long to get clean.
joe rogan
That's amazing.
jake the snake roberts
You know, I couldn't go in for six months.
I've done that.
I couldn't go in for four months.
I've done that.
Hell, the time I went in for four months, man, I go across the stage and get my diploma, so to speak, from finishing this course, being in rehab for four months.
I go out the other side and pick up a pay phone and call my dealer.
He meets me outside the damn door, man, with...
Big rock, you know, in a stem.
Thank you.
I made it.
But that's the insanity of the disease.
The disease will let you sit in a place for three or four months and not touch you.
It won't even come knocking on your door because it knows right now you're locked in.
You're going to do this.
But it's over there doing push-ups in the corner, man, waiting on your ass.
As soon as you get away from these idiots over here, they're teaching you bad habits, Jake, I'm going to get you where you need to be.
And that was the thing of being there for that long period of time.
joe rogan
What was the feeling like when you did slip up?
Because you slipped up a couple of times.
jake the snake roberts
Four or five times I did, yeah.
It was horrible.
I wanted to die.
Because not only did I feel like I let myself down, but I let him down.
And that really sucked.
Because here's a guy that's opened up his wallet and said, you come live with me.
Don't worry about your damn bills.
I'll take care of it.
Excuse me?
Oh, I'm damn sure in now.
Hang on.
You don't have to talk twice to me about this crap.
Yeah, I'm moving in with you, but if you're going to pay all my bills, man, will I get healthy?
But I didn't even tell it was going to take three years.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
But see, he would take, you know, like, if he had to go do a con or go do some music, you know, go do a movie or something, he had people that worked for DDP Yoga, specifically Garrett and a young kid named Dylan, who I really got the kid messed up, you know, because he had to share a room with me.
I don't wear clothes.
And I guess it looked kind of freaky.
Here's this old wrestler that I've idolized for years, and I'm seeing his junk, all gray hair and everything, and his junk is horrible.
tony hinchcliffe
You're seeing the snake and the bag.
jake the snake roberts
I accidentally bent over picking something up right there by his bed.
I had no idea my asshole was in his mouth.
But yeah, Dylan, he lived through some horrible things, and Garrett did too.
But Dallas always made sure I was taken care of, you know.
Whatever he had to do, the first thing he had to do was take care of Jake.
He put me first.
Didn't expect that.
joe rogan
Who would?
The solidarity and the camaraderie that you guys all have, and Razor Ramon as well, when you guys were all in that house together, the experiences that you guys shared, working together and then still in life.
You guys have a bond that's very, very...
It's very hard for most people.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, they can't get it.
It's like guys that are in the service together.
They become brothers in one.
With Dallas, the thing about him was he's never went down that addiction road.
He used to run nightclubs, but he never became an alcoholic.
He's a freak.
Piss on him.
Screw him.
He got a better card than I did.
I get that.
But I like my cards now, man.
My cards now are awesome.
My life is so good to go from hell.
That's where I was at, man.
You have no idea what it's like to wake up and be angry that you woke up.
Because you didn't want to.
You wanted to be over.
And there's been so many years that were like that for me that I wouldn't go out shopping unless it was 3 a.m.
Because I didn't want anybody to see me.
Because I'd gotten to the point that I hated myself so much that I'm begging God to die.
When I would hear another wrestler had died, I'd get angry at God and curse him for not taking me instead.
When Piper died, we were just talking about Roddy before the show started.
Man, I was so pissed off that he got to go before I did.
And that's just A couple of times.
Really tried.
I took 100 Valium.
110 milligram Valium.
Woke up.
And all I've done is puke on myself.
And I said, what a fucking loser you are.
You can't even die right.
You're a piece of shit.
What kind of mind says that?
It's a mind that's given up, man.
The torture that people put themselves through being an addict.
People have the wrong idea about this shit, man.
They think, yeah, they're getting fucked up, man.
They're happy.
No, we're not.
No, we're not happy.
We're not enjoying getting high.
I quit enjoying getting high 30 years ago.
But the problem was, I couldn't live without it.
I mean, I would feel like my heart was gonna burst.
I couldn't breathe.
I was scared to go anywhere.
It was horrible, man.
joe rogan
Was it everything or anything?
What was pulling you?
jake the snake roberts
What drug or what alcohol?
joe rogan
Was it booze?
unidentified
Was it pills?
jake the snake roberts
For me, it was more.
More of everything.
I'm lucky I didn't get into heroin.
I probably wouldn't have beat that one.
Yeah, I would because this is what I'm meant to be doing right now.
To go through 25, 30 years of doing Gocaine, That's amazing.
You know, I thank Vince McMahon for affording me my addiction.
Because without it, I'd be in prison somewhere.
Because I would have killed somebody for my drug.
No, without a doubt, I would have knifed him, whatever, man.
That guy's got an eight ball, watch this.
Done.
Life meant nothing to me, man.
And he gets to a point where you put yourself in such a dark hole.
There is no light.
None at all.
And it takes somebody that's special.
You couldn't have sent me to rehab right then.
Wouldn't have worked.
I'd have been out in minutes.
Even when Dallas offered me to pay the whole trip, and you'll move in with me, I'm going to feed you the best damn food on the planet, we're going to get you healthy, we're going to get the bullshit out of your system.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to last about a week.
Because I knew me, and I'm like, dude, if I make it a week, I'm going to be doing good.
Because at the time, I couldn't do 24 hours not doing cocaine.
If you wanted me to get up out of bed, bring me some cocaine.
That's where I was at.
Because life was too ugly.
To want to go out there.
joe rogan
When did it start?
Did it start when your pro wrestling career started?
Or was it going on before then?
jake the snake roberts
No.
The cocaine and alcohol.
Alcohol was always there.
I started drinking when I was 11 or 12. Whoa.
My grandfather was an alcoholic.
Drug addict slash drug addict.
It started with an oil field accident.
He got his legs crushed.
And he refused to have his legs cut off, so he stayed in the hospital for 18 months.
Well, back in the 1920s, the way that they fixed you was let it heal, then re-break it.
You know?
That's what they did.
They didn't put bars and metal in there to straighten it out.
They'd let it heal, then they'd re-break it a different way.
unidentified
Oh, Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
And they kept him on morphine for a year and a half.
Well, at the end of a year and a half, they patted him on the back and said, see ya.
He had a little itch going out there, didn't he?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Could he walk after that?
jake the snake roberts
He could walk.
joe rogan
So it worked, but it took a year and a half.
jake the snake roberts
To a point, but to a year hooked up on morphine, which back then it wasn't like today.
You can get on any corner.
Right.
He went to alcohol.
I remember in the 60s, which is 40 years later, they not trusting him to come to the doctor's office.
Well, they didn't trust him to take the pill.
The pill being, oh my God, what's it called?
Keep you from drinking antabuse.
You know, if you take an antabuse pill, you're not going to drink about it.
Except he did.
I mean, I've drank on Antabuse when it's been like two days since I'd had the pill and I'd have a drink.
Brother, you have no idea how scary that shit is because immediately you start throwing up and you start pissing and shitting your pants.
It happens that quick.
And then you have to start with the sweats and all this and you'll wind up on the floor doing the heebie-jeebies, man.
That's how strong an abuse is.
They didn't even trust him to take the pill.
They said, no, no.
You take a taxi to the doctor's office and we'll give you a shot.
Because we know you're not going to take that pill.
So he'd do that every morning.
Then he'd go outside and get in the same taxi.
And because we lived in a dry county, he would take that same taxi over to the next county and get a fifth of whiskey.
Drink it before he got home.
Now the rest of his day spent shitting and puking.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
But yet tomorrow he's going to do the same thing.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh my God.
jake the snake roberts
That's the hell.
You know, I was doing the coke and stuff, man.
I'm hating myself the whole time I do it.
I'm not getting high anymore.
And I can't put it down.
I can't turn away from it because there's hope in that.
What's the hope for?
No more pain.
joe rogan
So just that it numbs you?
jake the snake roberts
No more shame.
That's what it numbs me from is the shame.
You know?
Shame is something you put on yourself.
You know?
You can't shame me, man.
I have to do it myself.
But, man, it was there, man.
And because I went through some ugly shit as a kid, being sexually molested, my sister being molested too, and then my sister kidnapped and murdered, and we got all these things thrown in there, and I was hating myself because I didn't protect my sister better.
You know, life happens.
What do you do with it?
That's one of the things that Dallas preaches, you know, is about, you got all this stuff out there, man, it's going to come at you.
It's what you do with it that counts.
You know, you don't deflect it.
No.
You bring it to you.
You chew it up, you spit it out, you sort of sit through the bullshit, and you go on.
It's something I couldn't do.
Because things got personal with me.
And I would lock down.
I'd shut up.
Because that's how I handle things.
I just didn't talk about it.
When you've been sexually molested, there is no good moment, man.
And that screwed my head up, and it still messes with my head.
I desperately, desperately want to have a relationship with a woman.
You know, a true relationship, finally.
It's 63. Because I did have relationships before, but I was constantly sabotaging them because I didn't trust women.
Because the last one, she raped me and beat me and threatened me and told her that my dad killed me because, you know, my dad was seven foot and weighed 425 pounds, so he could get the job done.
But I just wanted my dad to be proud of me, so all these things are factoring in.
I'm keeping quiet while the wife beats me and has me do her and then beats me afterwards.
Dude, sex ain't sex if you're doing it like that.
That's called rape.
And that shit screws your head up for life.
Now, what do you do with it?
Well, as a kid, I hid that shit, man.
I stuffed it away.
I didn't talk about that.
Are you kidding me?
I remember the first time talking about it to a high school buddy of mine.
He said, you're so fucking lucky, man.
Your stepmother's so fucking hot.
She was hot.
She was 22 years old.
Because my father's a child molester, for Christ's sake.
Of course she was hot.
But it wasn't hot to me because that's my mom.
No.
And then the beatings afterwards, that fucking confuses you.
You get all this shit going, man.
So you start looking for a way out.
And for me, as a kid, my grandfather would get drunk.
And forget where he hid his liquor.
Because he had to hide it from her grandmother because she knew what he was.
She had dealt with it for 50 years.
So every time she found a bottle on the farm, she had to break it and that's it.
So he'd hide it.
Chicken house, different places.
Well, me and my buddies from across the street would go out and find it.
We'd get 12 years old, 11 years old.
Then we got smart and started selling it to the other neighborhood kids to make a buck.
That was my beginning with drinking, man.
You know, as time goes on, man, you start smoking weed and the pills.
What else is next?
Because I'm still not forgetting.
I'm still remembering this shit.
And you go out and you try to have a good time with people and then you realize something's different than you.
Because drugs that put you to sleep wake me up.
You know, downers wake me up.
joe rogan
Like how so?
jake the snake roberts
Are you wired?
joe rogan
Really?
jake the snake roberts
You give me five Percocet brother, I'll drink a case of beer and dance all night for you.
joe rogan
Really?
jake the snake roberts
Go out and have three or four wrestling matches.
Let's go to the, if I take, when I mess my neck up in 89, when I'll give you the guitar, when I wanted to go to My regimen was to wake up, go downstairs, start the coffee maker, take 10 milligram Percocet, throw them in my mouth, chew them up, And wash them down with coffee, then hit the gym.
unidentified
Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
I loved it.
Because I was on fire, man.
Plus the Percocet made me a little gnarly.
Made me want to punch shit, you know?
unidentified
Really?
jake the snake roberts
So you get a good workout in there, couldn't you?
joe rogan
From Percocets?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
That's how screwed up my wiring is.
joe rogan
That is so...
jake the snake roberts
You talk to any drug and they'll tell you their wiring is fucked.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
Things that make you go to sleep wake me up.
Things that wake you up put me to sleep.
joe rogan
So the pain of pro wrestling, which is probably one of the most brutal professions that a person can embark in, and think about all the days that you were on the road, all the many, many matches, all that physical pain probably justified the drugs even more.
jake the snake roberts
I didn't even care.
joe rogan
You didn't care.
tony hinchcliffe
About the pain?
jake the snake roberts
I felt no pain when I wrestled.
None.
joe rogan
Afterwards, no?
jake the snake roberts
I was wrestling a guy in Louisiana, Ernie the Cat Lad.
You remember him?
Played for the AFL, San Diego Chargers.
He's in the Hall of Fame football and wrestling.
He was 6'9", 350. Badass son of a bitch, man.
But back then they had chop blocks and he had like 15 knee surgeries and that was in his career.
But we were wrestling and my bone came out of my arm.
Compound fracture.
And he goes, kid, your arm.
I'm like, yeah, I see it.
Let's go on.
And he's like, what?
Get away from me!
And I'm trying to get to him, and he starts puking on me.
I'm like, motherfucker, you're puking on me.
Your arm, man.
Your arm is fucking bone, dude.
I'm like, it don't hurt.
Come on, let's finish the match.
Fuck you, I'm getting out of the ring.
Man, he can puke up a bunch of shit, man.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, man, 6'9".
You finish off your opponent by having him hurl.
jake the snake roberts
Screw on you, yeah.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
It was nasty smelling shit, too, man.
But I was fine.
I got back in the locker room.
unidentified
So you didn't even feel it?
jake the snake roberts
No.
I was sitting there, and I was saying, this is a strange feeling.
I blow on the bone.
Ooh, it feels cold when I blow on that bone.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Whoa.
jake the snake roberts
15 minutes later, I'm in the shower.
Holy fuck!
Holy fuck!
joe rogan
Then you felt it.
jake the snake roberts
The adrenaline's gone.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
You've been in the ring, and you know what that's like.
The adrenaline's going, nothing hurts.
It feels good, in fact.
joe rogan
Yeah, but I would have thought that you would look at the bone and go, ooh, I gotta handle this.
jake the snake roberts
No.
joe rogan
Now, did you wrestle fucked up?
jake the snake roberts
No.
joe rogan
You wrestled straight?
jake the snake roberts
No, I was straight pretty much.
I might have been going through withdrawals at the time, but no, I didn't drink or any of that shit before a match, and I didn't like it, but I did it that way because it's my duty and my thing is another wrestler to take care of my opponent.
tony hinchcliffe
I noticed that if I have a fun set or something like that, doing stand-up comedy, that I like to have...
If I tried something new and it went extra good, I like to have an extra drink or two that night.
Would it be like that for you in wrestling?
Would you get more messed up if it was like Madison Square Garden?
jake the snake roberts
No, I just did it until I went to sleep.
Because sleep was such a premium back then.
Back in my day, we were wrestling seven days a week.
joe rogan
Seven days a week.
jake the snake roberts
Well, except for Saturday and Sunday.
Then we wrestle twice on Saturday, twice on Sunday.
joe rogan
Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
Like you might do the LA Coliseum at 2 o'clock.
Get in the rental car and drive to San Diego City and do a 7 o'clock.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
The next day, you might be in Omaha at 2 o'clock, and you'd be in Des Moines at 7 o'clock.
Now, you're driving all this in between.
You know, you fly, you drive.
Well, with me, it made it even worse because I got to drag that fucking snake everywhere.
You know, 80-pound box of shit.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Be like trying to carry this around with a bad back over there.
Hey, folks out there, pray for him, man.
He's over there hooing and mooing back there.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
He's making fun of young Jamie.
Young Jamie is a minor in frack.
It's very difficult to talk about injuries when you're around Jake the Snake.
unidentified
I want to bring it up.
joe rogan
Tony threw me under the bus.
tony hinchcliffe
He told me before when I first got here, he's like, I pulled my back the other day, but I don't want to mention it in front of Jake the Snake because it's embarrassing.
jake the snake roberts
It should be embarrassing.
He tore his mangina.
He sneezed and tore his mangina.
It was a horrible sneeze.
joe rogan
Jamie's a good man.
I will not stand here while you disparage him so...
unidentified
It's obvious though, isn't it?
joe rogan
Was the snake a problem when you would get on planes and shit?
jake the snake roberts
It was a problem 24-7.
tony hinchcliffe
Would you keep it secret or would they let you on the plane with it?
jake the snake roberts
I never said anything to anybody.
joe rogan
You just brought it?
jake the snake roberts
No, I just put it in a trunk and then I put a blanket around the bag and then locked the trunk.
tony hinchcliffe
Did you carry it on or would you check it?
jake the snake roberts
No, no, no, check it.
tony hinchcliffe
Wow.
joe rogan
That poor fucking snake.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, no shit.
joe rogan
That snake's like, why is it so cold in here?
jake the snake roberts
Well, because you're 40,000 feet off the ground, you dumb fucker.
joe rogan
What's this goddamn noise?
jake the snake roberts
Wow.
Well, the snake, man, the thing is, you laugh about it, it's like, wait a minute, I've got to trade the snake out after 10 days?
Yeah, they can't take it.
I'm like, really?
So a fucking snake can't live through the fucking scheduling, but yet I'm asked to do 90 fucking days straight.
joe rogan
So you had different snakes?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, yeah, about every 10 days, which used to really be funny because people would say, did you bring Damien?
I'm like, have you noticed that Damien some weeks is five foot shorter than the other?
It's not shrinkage, honey.
joe rogan
So your seven days a week would go on for the whole year?
God damn, they just worked you.
jake the snake roberts
I wrestled steamboat 93 days straight.
And about 60 days in, I had to call my wife and get her to come take me around because I'd gotten dumbed out to the point that I couldn't think.
So I'd get to the airport, know that they want tickets, but I have no idea where they're at.
And I can't read anymore.
I'd look at stuff to read, but it just wouldn't work.
So I just had a big fucking...
joe rogan
Is it from exhaustion?
jake the snake roberts
Exhaustion.
joe rogan
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Exhaustion.
You just get so beat up, man.
Your body's hurting so bad.
People say steroids.
Man, we were taking steroids just to try to get healthy.
To heal.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
You know, that's what the shit was invented for.
For recovery.
Yeah.
You know, they invented it in World War II. I believe is what the story was.
For the...
They're prisoners of war.
Because they didn't want the American soldiers to come home looking like they did.
So they put them on slow fucking boats and fed them for three months.
And guys put on 30, 40 pounds.
They say there would have been another war if they'd have brought those troops home coming from concentration camps for the Germans or the Japanese and we'd have seen them the way they were.
And of course now that you can see some of those old films Was it hard to get them?
Yeah, right.
joe rogan
Did they help you get them?
jake the snake roberts
No.
joe rogan
You had to get them on your own.
jake the snake roberts
I can't say they helped me, but I will tell you this.
joe rogan
Okay, you said enough already.
jake the snake roberts
What they would do is we would get booked in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
Now, when somebody told me this story first, I'm like, this is an old wives tale.
Because shit like that don't really happen.
You get to Tallentown Hershey, you go to the locker room, and all of a sudden, somebody says, oh, they need to see you in locker room three.
What the fuck did I do?
Then I'd go in there, and there's this doctor there, and he's got suitcases over here, boxes here, suitcases here, boxes there.
What do you need, kid?
Excuse me?
What do you need?
Up, down, what?
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
What do you get?
Oh, Halcyon.
Those are good.
How many can I get?
If anything I want?
300. Got it right here.
Wow.
Steroids.
Yeah, absolutely.
What do you got?
I'll take that, I'll take that, and I'll take that.
It was grocery shopping.
And it used to be funny because the guys would all, hey, Jake, you want to carry my shit for me?
Who would be going to Canada?
I'm like, sure.
It's going to cost you a percentage of your shit.
Give me 10% of what you got.
I'll carry it across the border for you.
Jesus Christ.
joe rogan
So you just roll the dice.
jake the snake roberts
I got eight or ten guys.
I'm getting all their shit.
Where am I hiding it?
In the snake bag for crying out loud.
joe rogan
Oh, of course.
jake the snake roberts
You put that in the bottom of the snake bag.
joe rogan
No one's fucking with that bag.
jake the snake roberts
No, and you get over there and they go, we need to check the bag.
Go right ahead, brother, but I'm going to tell you right now.
I'm moving back.
What are you moving back for?
Because that motherfucker's pissed.
He hasn't eaten in three weeks.
And he's a little alarming.
unidentified
Whoa.
jake the snake roberts
If he does bite you, well, when he does bite you...
Try to hold still.
Hold still?
Yeah, because if you jerk, it's going to rip your flesh.
Which is true.
They tell you if a snake bites you, whatever you do, don't jerk away.
Excuse me, sir, your Rottweiler's chewing on my asshole.
Would you please kindly remove him?
No, you jerk and you fight to get away.
joe rogan
You used different kinds of snakes too, right?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, I used pythons and cobras.
joe rogan
When you used the cobra, did they defang them?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, damn it.
They de-venomized them.
They didn't defang them.
joe rogan
So they had the fangs?
jake the snake roberts
They don't have fangs.
Cobras don't have fangs.
They have teeth.
joe rogan
Oh, really?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, it really sucks.
joe rogan
So they bite you no matter what?
jake the snake roberts
It's like chewing a...
Have you ever fished and caught a catfish or something and you feel the spiny mouth?
That's what their bite felt like.
But it doesn't matter what it feels like.
It's what it looks like.
And there's a cobra there.
tony hinchcliffe
And the viewers don't know that at all.
Especially when you're a little boy watching it.
I mean, the Saturday morning that you sicked it on Macho Man Randy Savage affected an entire generation.
jake the snake roberts
That was the best nut I've ever gotten.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, there's no doubt.
I mean, it affected me so deeply as a kid.
To this day...
jake the snake roberts
If I'm ever laying around with a girl and I'm having a little problem in the wood ski department, you know, it happens at 63. Ah, you put that on.
You know, and I put the video on, and instantly I'm kicking her ass, man.
joe rogan
Really?
jake the snake roberts
Oh, brother.
joe rogan
That hits you hard.
jake the snake roberts
A snake?
Damn straight, man.
joe rogan
Why?
jake the snake roberts
Holy shit.
Watch me.
Watch the thing.
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, that was...
This was literally the ultimate bad guy putting a snake on a good guy.
I mean, look at the look on that kid's face in the corner there.
unidentified
Oh, I know.
It's great, isn't it?
jake the snake roberts
That's the best part.
Looks like somebody just shoved a finger up his ass or something.
joe rogan
That kid is ready to have a goddamn heart attack.
I bet you have a heart rate monitor on him.
He'd be like 180 beats per minute.
tony hinchcliffe
I had a conversation with one of my good friends, Pete.
You know Pete?
When he saw this...
jake the snake roberts
You have a good friend.
That's the first question I want to ask you.
tony hinchcliffe
But check out, this is the kind of quality friend I have.
When he saw this as a kid, all on the same day that I saw it, he ran away from home.
It freaked him out so badly.
When you put this snake on Macho Man's arm, he packed it.
He didn't even have anywhere to go.
He ended up coming home later that night after it got cold.
jake the snake roberts
Poor kid.
tony hinchcliffe
He packed a bag and just left.
joe rogan
How old was he?
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, jeez.
Probably, I would guess 11, 12, something like that.
jake the snake roberts
300 kids are raped that day because of Jake, right?
Oh, no.
Let me tell you the real story on this whole fucking thing.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, I'd love that.
jake the snake roberts
You want to hear this joke?
unidentified
Yes!
jake the snake roberts
Alright, here's how it really went down.
unidentified
I've been waiting 30 years for this.
jake the snake roberts
I'm done with the python because that motherfucker, to tell you the truth, is killing me.
You know, weighed 100 pounds, and then he would bite me, and then it would be 30, 40 stitches.
That was 30-something stitches there on that.
tony hinchcliffe
Really?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
jake the snake roberts
You got the vein.
What was really weird is the snake actually committed suicide that night.
joe rogan
Look at that shit!
jake the snake roberts
It's cool, isn't it?
joe rogan
And Macho Man just handles it.
unidentified
Look at that thing.
joe rogan
He got a better bite.
jake the snake roberts
He's a tough motherfucker.
I reached down there and went, Mach, you're doing a great job, kid.
tony hinchcliffe
He's like, fuck you!
joe rogan
Look at that thing sinking its fucking teeth into him.
tony hinchcliffe
And then at the end, a little stream of blood comes through, and that was the final...
jake the snake roberts
There we go.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, my God.
jake the snake roberts
I'm trying to get him loose.
I couldn't get him loose.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
jake the snake roberts
I struggled to get him off.
joe rogan
Oh, the blood!
jake the snake roberts
Finally, I had to pry his mouth open to get him off.
tony hinchcliffe
And by the way, this is on a Saturday morning, so it's this.
You flip the channel, it's little old school cartoons that weren't even entertaining.
You know what I mean?
And then there's this chaos on another channel.
joe rogan
And it's so obviously real.
jake the snake roberts
Oh yeah.
joe rogan
It's so obviously real.
jake the snake roberts
Piper's terrified of snakes.
unidentified
Ha ha ha!
joe rogan
Well, if he wasn't before.
jake the snake roberts
Piper pulled a gun on me one time over a snake, man.
unidentified
Really?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
What happened?
jake the snake roberts
I snuck up behind him with a snake and he fucking, he heard me.
He says, Jake, I went, yeah.
He goes, I know what you're fucking doing.
And he dove and got his fucking pistol and pulled it around.
Motherfucker, I'll kill you.
I'm like, okay, Roddy, I get it.
I get it.
unidentified
I get it.
jake the snake roberts
The guy was shaking, man.
unidentified
Jesus.
joe rogan
That's a real thing.
jake the snake roberts
Here's the story.
Here's the story.
I'm in the locker room behaving myself.
Not minding a soul.
In fact, I believe I was cleaning the washcloth, you know, blackboards off and I was making it nice for everybody.
Macho walks in and he's like, alright brother.
We're gonna do it tonight I guess.
It's a story fucking going around.
We're gonna get down and do it.
Yeah dude, sounds great.
He's like, we're gonna take care of a little business first.
unidentified
What?
jake the snake roberts
About the snake?
Yeah.
Has he been fixed or not?
Fixed?
You mean poisonous?
He goes, yeah, that might be the fucking problem.
I'm like, Randy, of course he's been fixed.
He goes, maybe he hasn't, maybe he hasn't.
unidentified
Stranger things have happened in the WWE.
jake the snake roberts
Somebody wants the Macho Man Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship title.
tony hinchcliffe
It's just you and him.
unidentified
Put a poisonous snake on him and the fucking rest is history.
jake the snake roberts
Macho's dead.
Snake's the champ.
I'm like, dude, are you fucking...
Jake, I'm just telling you this.
He has to bite you.
Now.
tony hinchcliffe
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
I'm like, what?
He goes, if not, we gotta go at it right now, me and you.
And he's up in my fucking face with his fist.
I'm like, fuck, man, what the fuck is wrong with you?
unidentified
Don't play no fucking games, Jacob.
jake the snake roberts
Get the fucking snake out!
So I got the snake out, man.
I'm like, you fucking psychotic motherfucker.
I'm like, any special place you want it to bite me like my dick?
unidentified
He's like, anywhere's good.
jake the snake roberts
How about the leg?
I'm like, fine.
So I got the cobra out and I pulled my pant leg up, shimmied him a little bit and stuck my leg up there and he fucking bit me.
Yeah, three, four seconds.
Let's go.
Macho's like, now don't fucking move.
Don't take no elitures.
Don't take no antidotes.
unidentified
Don't take no pills.
Don't take no fucking pentagermy three or that bullshit.
jake the snake roberts
You know?
Just fucking sit there.
I want to see the poison go through your body.
joe rogan
That's a great Macho Man impression.
jake the snake roberts
Are you fucking kidding me, man?
And finally, after about ten minutes, he's like...
I guess you're gonna be okay.
I'm sorry I didn't fucking make you happy, you know?
I could have died.
If I'd known you want me to die, I'd die, you know?
He's like, okay, but tonight, brother, do me a fever.
Once the snake lets go of me, Bring him back.
I may want you to hook him back up again, because I want this idea to fucking make this bull some fucking big money.
Yeah, can you dig it?
Dig it.
All right, we're out of here.
joe rogan
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
I said, all right, motherfucker, you wait.
I was pissed, man.
Because it's one thing to get bit in the heat of a moment.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
But to sit there and fucking cold have to hike your fucking pant legs up and let a fucking snake chew on you to make a motherfucker happy.
Come on, give me a break, bro.
We're asking a lot.
joe rogan
If all those people were there, I'd probably feel less.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, it wouldn't hurt.
unidentified
It wouldn't hurt.
jake the snake roberts
I wouldn't have felt anything.
But to sit there in the locker room, cold.
Really?
No bloods pumping.
I remember during the match, we'd do the match, and boom, boom, boom, comes time.
Tie him in the ropes, get the snake out.
Okay, let's make sure he's a little unhappy.
So I turned my back to Macho Man.
He doesn't see me.
And I fucking paintbrushed the hell out of this fucking snake, man.
I pounded that motherfucker.
When I hit him that second time, his fucking mouth flew open, brother, and he's looking for anything to fucking buy.
I just went, whoa, and took him to Macho, man, and boom, he latched on.
And he's chewing, he's chewing.
I'm like, Macho's doing a great job.
He's like, fuck you!
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Wow, Randy, you look so believable!
Goddamn!
joe rogan
What did they do to the snake?
Remove the poison glands?
jake the snake roberts
Remove the venom sacs, yeah.
joe rogan
So there's no venom in its body at all?
jake the snake roberts
No, damn it.
They even replace it with fucking stuff they use for bullying plants, man.
joe rogan
Silicone?
jake the snake roberts
Silicone.
Silicone.
joe rogan
Oh.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, salientonic.
Better, too.
joe rogan
So they just cut them out?
It's just like an operation or something like that?
jake the snake roberts
They cut them out and fill them with silicone, man, so they can't regrow them.
joe rogan
Oh, wow.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Wow.
So they can't, otherwise they would regrow them?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
joe rogan
What a creepy fucking animal, huh?
unidentified
Wow.
tony hinchcliffe
Frightening.
unidentified
Oh, man.
tony hinchcliffe
Especially as a kid.
And that did shoot you guys up a big level.
It did.
jake the snake roberts
Oh, yeah.
joe rogan
I couldn't imagine.
What year is this?
What are we talking about?
jake the snake roberts
Oh, 91. Wow.
Yeah, it fucking rocked the world, bro.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, I mean, for a little kid to watch a real snake, an actual cobra.
jake the snake roberts
I couldn't get laid for months, man.
joe rogan
Really?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
I know that fucking snake's in your room.
You're not fucking lying to me.
Oh, come on, baby.
joe rogan
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Please, baby.
tony hinchcliffe
And you really did have the snake in your room.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, of course he was in the room.
joe rogan
In the bathtub.
jake the snake roberts
Usually in the bathtub, playing in the water.
Oh, wow.
You know what, it's like 4 o'clock in the morning for a fucking drunk junkie to walk in the bathroom.
Now, I'm paranoid as a motherfucker anyway because I'm fucking on all this shit.
And now I've got to look down on a 15-foot snake that's fucking got his mouth open looking at my fucking little dick.
Are you serious?
I'm not pissing.
What do you mean I've got to take a shit?
Nah, not anymore.
So I go in the other room.
I piss in a fucking bottle.
Oops, I missed.
What the fuck?
Just piss in the floor.
joe rogan
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
Don't walk in my room barefooted.
Squish, squish.
joe rogan
What did you feed it?
jake the snake roberts
I didn't.
joe rogan
You didn't?
jake the snake roberts
I was only out there every 10 days.
joe rogan
So how often do they eat?
jake the snake roberts
Once every six weeks or so.
joe rogan
Oh, really?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
So really, the action and the flying and everything, they'd only live for 10 days?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, they had to get them off the road and let them heal because a snake's lungs go the entire length of their body.
They're very tiny, so they get pneumonia really easy.
Of course, being in minus 40 doesn't help either, but they do get pneumonia really easy.
tony hinchcliffe
Would you have to get a new snake?
Was that your responsibility?
jake the snake roberts
We had a guy in Stanford, Connecticut.
He was Charles Manson Revisited.
This guy was a freak.
joe rogan
Stanford, Connecticut's a weird place.
jake the snake roberts
Okay.
He had a farm in town, Connecticut.
unidentified
What?
jake the snake roberts
In Stanford?
And they did not know that he had over a thousand snakes in that farm, on that building.
And about 150 of them were poisonous.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
Because he was collecting venom for different pharmaceutical companies.
But I remember one time having to get a snake from him, and he flew it to Omaha.
And he'd been working with me for a couple of years.
I said, Albert, man, I'm going to take care of you tonight, brother.
He goes, what is it, Jake?
I'm like, I'm going to take you to the strip joint.
He's like, it's not necessary.
I'm like, I know it's not necessary, man, but hey, brother, let me take you out until we get there, man.
He's just kind of like sitting there, and we just head down towards the table looking at his beer.
He hadn't drank much of it.
I'm like, I'm going to get this motherfucker going, you know?
So I said, dude, you pick her out.
If she'll take a price, I'll pay for it.
In other words, I'm going to buy him some pussy.
He goes, no, Jake, I'm just going to dig my snakes, man.
unidentified
Whoa.
jake the snake roberts
Excuse me?
I just want to go back to the room and play with my snakes, man.
That's kind of what I like to do.
I'm going to change rooms to a different floor.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
He was a real freakazoid man.
joe rogan
Just in the snakes.
Is he still alive?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, he is.
He was in Florida when that bad hurricane hit down there.
And he was working at a gator farm and poisonous snake venom collection point.
And they had like 800 snakes down there, right?
So the hurricane hits and just fucking levels the place.
Well, I'm calling for days, trying to get a hold of him, see if he's alright.
And I finally get a hold of him, and I'm like, dude, why aren't you so fucking happy?
He goes, I'm having the best time of my life, man.
This is fucking like, God's made this especially for me.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
He goes, I get to find all those snakes.
I'm like, you get to find them.
Let me think.
You're going to dig through all that shit.
Sorry.
All that shit, and...
Lift up stuff and stick your hand down in holes and shit to find these poisonous snakes.
Yeah, man.
joe rogan
It's cool, isn't it?
jake the snake roberts
It's cool, isn't it?
I'm like, fuck you, Alfred.
You're fucked up, man.
joe rogan
What is it with Florida and snakes?
jake the snake roberts
He's from Connecticut, man.
Whatever.
joe rogan
I know, but he went to Florida.
It draws him there like a magnet.
jake the snake roberts
He was in Connecticut, man, and they asked him to go do...
Anything for the boys club, you know, introduce them to snakes and blah blah blah and be great, you know, for the 8 to 12 year olds.
So he gets in there and he's talking to them about this Mexican rattler.
Now, first thing you know about snakes is this.
They can be poisonous.
And a poisonous snake's children, what happens there?
They're not healthy.
They will hurt you.
They can kill you.
Yes, that's right.
So that's why you should always keep your...
Oh my God.
Hold on.
Okay, look.
He's accidentally bit me.
You know, I've been bitten now, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
Somebody call 911. I'm just going to explain to you what I'm feeling right now, so if you ever get bitten, you'll know what you're going to expect to feel after you've been bitten.
joe rogan
Was he fucking with these kids?
unidentified
No, no.
jake the snake roberts
He's fucking biting.
joe rogan
He's been bitten, man.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, he's fucked.
And he knows that he's fucked.
Because here's the thing about Mexican rattlesnakes.
Not many of those in Connecticut.
So you don't have any at-time in them, do you?
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
No, they got a flight in from fucking, you know, Atlanta or wherever.
So by the time they get that shit out there, they're talking, man, he's fucked.
They wound up having to cut all the meat off one of his bones on his finger, so he got like this gnarly...
joe rogan
So he had necropsy, right?
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan
I've seen a video or a website, rather, detailing this kid who got bit in the arm, and then they had to get him somewhere to safety, but it took hours.
They had a med vacuum in a helicopter.
His whole arm rotted away down to the bone.
So they had to take meat from his legs.
jake the snake roberts
Skin it off.
Yeah.
joe rogan
And put, you know...
I mean, it was a giant...
10 to 12 inch patch of his arm was gone.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, it fucks you up.
Plus, the really cool looking thing that it does is it causes all the small capillaries in your eyes to burst.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
So your eyes are like blood red.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Except they're bumpy.
unidentified
Ugh.
jake the snake roberts
You know?
Like, he would close his eyes and I'd run my finger over his eyelid and he'd just feel all these little bumps and crevices.
Damn, that's weird shit, man.
joe rogan
How long did it take for him to recover?
jake the snake roberts
He's in the hospital for a couple weeks, man.
I had to put him in a coma for like six days.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
That's so cool, man.
That's so cool.
joe rogan
Does he have a tolerance to regular venom?
Because I know a lot of those guys...
jake the snake roberts
He's building a tolerance to different ones.
joe rogan
Yeah, they make themselves get bit.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
Cobra, I think he's pretty much clean on now.
tony hinchcliffe
This guy sounds like he's going to end up being a supervillain of some kind.
jake the snake roberts
He could be, man, because I swear to God, he is Charles Manson.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
He looks like Charles Manson.
He looks weird.
And when he smiles, it's like, dude, that is not healthy.
You know, oh, fuck, man.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
He's a true man.
joe rogan
Well, imagine what this guy would be like without snakes.
Thank God snakes exist.
jake the snake roberts
Well, you know, the steamboat, you know, came up with the Komodo dragon thing, you know, to combat the snake back in the day.
unidentified
I don't know if you remember.
jake the snake roberts
So, of course, that's who Albert, Albert was the guy with the Komodo dragons.
So he had some pot that he was growing up in the mountains and he took one of the dragons with him to get it out in the sunlight.
So they put it in this fucking station wagon and they go up in the mountains and they had to walk to their place where they got the stuff growing so they close the car door up and leave the window down about that much and take off.
Come back, windows busted.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
There's these horrible teeth marks on all of it.
Where this fucking Komodo dragon has been chewing his way out of this shit.
He was in a wooden cage.
He chewed his way out of the wooden cage.
But he got out, man, and took off.
And I guess it was about two months later, man, I was like in Indianapolis and waking up and listening to the news and ESPNs on.
And they're like, what was thought to be a prehistoric monster was found running across the backyard of Miss Kibbit's house.
Chasing her poor little poodle.
*cough* When we get back, see our monster.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
They come back, and I'm sitting there going, what the fuck?
Thought to be prehistoric.
I've got to see this shit.
And the fucking thing comes back up, and I'm like, that's fucking Albert's fucking thing, man.
It's the thing that had escaped two months later.
unidentified
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
It had gained like 35 pounds.
joe rogan
Oh, jeez.
unidentified
He probably ate everybody's dogs.
jake the snake roberts
He's eating everybody's dogs and cats in the neighborhood, man.
Probably a couple of kids, too.
joe rogan
That is such a ruthless animal.
You know, those things are so ruthless that the little baby Komodo dragons smear shit on themselves so that the grown-ups don't eat them, so that their parents don't eat them.
They roll around in shit so that their parents don't eat them.
Because when Komodo dragons are eating intestines, they shake the shit out of intestines.
They don't like to eat shit.
As weird as that is.
jake the snake roberts
See, that's just bad attitude.
I thought I had a problem with cocaine.
joe rogan
Can you imagine that?
They eat their fucking kids, so the kids know this, so they somehow or another know to smear themselves in shit.
jake the snake roberts
I'd learn pretty quick.
joe rogan
Yeah, you see your sister get chewed up.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, right.
joe rogan
You see them avoid shit but eat your sister.
You're like, that shit is salvation.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Give me some good shit.
joe rogan
It had gained 30 pounds.
That's fucking crazy.
Yeah.
Let it loose in Florida.
They won't even notice.
jake the snake roberts
Fuck no, no.
Everything else they got down there.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, that Florida Everglades is so crazy.
jake the snake roberts
It's covered with pythons, man.
joe rogan
So bad that they're eating alligators.
They did this study.
They found that they couldn't find any raccoons.
They couldn't find any swamp rabbits or marsh hares, I guess they call them.
So the pythons.
Yeah.
Everything got killed by pythons.
So then the pythons moved on to alligators.
Yeah.
Alligators!
jake the snake roberts
They don't fuck around, man.
I've got a picture of an anaconda swallowing an 800-pound horse.
unidentified
What?
jake the snake roberts
It's got the head and the front legs already chewed up inside his mouth.
joe rogan
Where's this picture?
jake the snake roberts
You know.
joe rogan
I needed it.
jake the snake roberts
I'll get to you.
unidentified
I need that.
jake the snake roberts
It's fucking gross as shit, man.
joe rogan
See if you can find that.
Jamie will find it.
jake the snake roberts
The horse's body is like this big.
With his back, he probably can't pull it up.
unidentified
Oh!
No!
joe rogan
Jamie, he's coming at you hard.
I bet in all your years you never thought Jake the Snake would be roasting you live on the internet.
jake the snake roberts
Believe that.
joe rogan
About a perceived back injury.
tony hinchcliffe
And nailing a pull-it-up reference.
joe rogan
Yeah, he got you, bro.
jake the snake roberts
I'm not just a short face and a pretty dick.
Pretty dick and short face.
Short dick and a pretty face, that's it.
joe rogan
Did you ever loathe the day that you came up with the gimmick of having snakes?
jake the snake roberts
Oh god, yeah.
joe rogan
I would imagine it would be such a pain in the ass to see everybody else just traveling solo.
jake the snake roberts
Here's the thing.
I come up with this idea like in 1975. Wow.
Because I was listening to Monday Night Football and they were talking about Kenny Stabler.
Remember him?
Played for the Raiders.
joe rogan
I remember the name.
jake the snake roberts
Left-hand quarterback, man.
Sling it, and boy, he could sling it, man.
And he also liked to party, man.
So I dug him, man.
You know what I'm saying?
He's like, this motherfucker's cool, brother.
I mean, on Super Bowl Eve, he took all the linemen with him out to the bars.
They didn't show up until 4.30 in the morning.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Super Bowl-y!
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, here's the thing.
Did the coach keep them from playing?
I don't think so.
But he did tell them, you better fucking win.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
That's all that was his name told.
You better fucking win.
Because if you don't, tomorrow's your last fucking day.
Oh yeah, and Stabler took them out there and they won the game.
Was he into snakes?
I don't know.
I don't know, but I love the Kenny Stable, the snake thing.
joe rogan
Oh, here it is.
jake the snake roberts
A hippo, actually.
A hippo.
joe rogan
That's a fucking hippo.
It ate a hippo.
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
Oh, well.
joe rogan
It's got to be a baby hippo.
unidentified
I don't know.
jake the snake roberts
It doesn't look like it's too fucking small.
joe rogan
Yeah, but hippos are huge.
Baby hippos are probably as big as your dick.
jake the snake roberts
Here we go.
unidentified
Whoa!
jake the snake roberts
Which is pretty amazing because they can't gurgitate.
Somebody had to pull that shit out.
joe rogan
That's insane.
jake the snake roberts
I was riding down the road listening Monday Night Football and I'm like, fuck it, that'd be too much, man, if a fucking wrestler, you know, smoking some weed, you know, carry a snake around and fuck with the other wrestlers.
And drinking and more and more and more.
And the next day I woke up and I'm like, that fucking idea I had last night about carrying a fucking snake.
I'm terrified of snakes.
Because I'm terrified of snakes.
joe rogan
But how did you connect that to the football player?
jake the snake roberts
Because he was Kenny the Snake Stabler.
Oh!
He called him the Snake.
joe rogan
Oh!
jake the snake roberts
He was just badass, man.
I wanted to be the Snake, too.
tony hinchcliffe
And you were already Jake Roberts?
jake the snake roberts
No, I wasn't even Jake Roberts.
And then I looked for a name with Snake.
Blake the Snake.
Nah.
unidentified
Nah.
Blake.
jake the snake roberts
Jake is bad.
tony hinchcliffe
Fuck that guy.
jake the snake roberts
Jake is a badass name.
unidentified
Blake is like a guy with a golf shirt on.
jake the snake roberts
Flaky snakey.
tony hinchcliffe
He's got a 40 foot putt.
Here's Blake the snake.
joe rogan
Blake has a bad back.
jake the snake roberts
Not even Blake would have a bad back.
He's got a bigger mangina than that.
joe rogan
Oh, no.
jake the snake roberts
But, you know, I was like, what the fuck was I thinking?
Because I'm terrified of snakes.
I'll never do that fucking gimmick.
Fuck that.
But I did go and said, okay, I've got to think of a name.
God, Jake the Snake, that works.
Then I went, Jay.
unidentified
Jay, wait, wait.
jake the snake roberts
Why am I thinking that?
And at the time, the TV program was Dallas.
Who's the bad guy?
J.R. Ah.
J.R. Jake the Snake.
joe rogan
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Bada bing.
And I came up with Robertson.
joe rogan
How did you get a snake?
jake the snake roberts
Well, after years of throwing it out there occasionally and getting, are you fucking serious?
Wrestling is not a fucking circus.
The fuck it ain't.
Excuse me, Bill Watts.
Fat fuck.
Thieving bastard.
tony hinchcliffe
But this is before Vince.
unidentified
This is before you're in the WWF. So what organization was this with?
jake the snake roberts
This was Mid-South.
And they just fucking, you know, under no certain terms.
Wait a minute.
You don't want me to carry a snake, but the guy I'm wrestling has got a fucking hockey mask on.
And every night he fucking headbutts me with it.
And you have me carve my fucking forehead open so he can bleed everywhere.
But it's not a circus.
I get that.
Totally.
You betcha.
You know, so blow it out the window.
Then I went to fucking New York and...
That's when Vince hit me with the, you're going to be wearing purple or lime green spandex, which I said, I ain't no fucking faggot.
I'm not wearing that shit.
joe rogan
What year is this?
jake the snake roberts
With Vince?
unidentified
85, 86. People forget how long Vince has been in the camp.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, hell yeah.
He bought that guy out, the guy Bill Watts, Mid-South.
He just went to every territory and just said, I'll give you this amount of money, I'm just taking everything.
jake the snake roberts
Out of the goodness of my heart, I'm giving this to you because I'm taking all your television.
tony hinchcliffe
Crazy.
All the people, it was all split up into territory, so everybody had their own business.
jake the snake roberts
Three or four states might be another one territory.
joe rogan
You know what's really crazy about Vince is how fucking jacked he is.
What is he, like 75?
tony hinchcliffe
How old is he?
64?
65?
jake the snake roberts
He's got older than that.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, really?
He was on the cover of Men's Fitness with chains around his neck.
joe rogan
Real recently.
Jacked!
jake the snake roberts
There's something about growth hormone that just continues to work.
joe rogan
I think there's a lot more going on than just growth hormone.
jake the snake roberts
Oh, I'm sure there is.
joe rogan
I have a feeling it's a cornucopia.
Look at this.
This is him.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
joe rogan
73. What in the fuck is that?
How is that a 73-year-old man living in the traps?
jake the snake roberts
That's the billionaire tunk.
joe rogan
That is insane.
How jacked his back is.
73 years old.
He's built like Brock Lesnar.
That is insane.
tony hinchcliffe
He's the man.
joe rogan
Imagine, like, seeing this when you were a kid.
Like, this is what Grandpa looks like.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
joe rogan
You'd be like, what the fuck is going on with Grandpa?
jake the snake roberts
No wonder Grandma fucked Daddy.
joe rogan
Yeah.
That is insane.
73 years old.
jake the snake roberts
There is nobody on this planet that works as hard as he does.
joe rogan
There's no other way it's possible.
I mean, the guy, he's everywhere.
And the one video where he runs to the ring and is on his way and dives into it and slams his thigh into the side of the ring, blows his fucking quad off the bone.
And then still plays it out and does it sitting down.
The guy must have been in unbelievable agony.
He can't even stand up.
And he's just sitting there, sitting on his butt, and everybody has to improvise for this guy sitting on his ass because he blew his quads off of his bone.
Watch this shit.
Look at this.
I mean, this is fucking crazy.
jake the snake roberts
I did the same thing and tore my knee.
joe rogan
Look at this.
He dives in.
jake the snake roberts
Bam!
joe rogan
Slams it.
Look at it.
His leg gives out.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, he's done.
At that point, you're adrenaline.
All you're thinking is, get the fuck up.
That's all you're thinking.
joe rogan
But it's crazy that he's just sitting there.
tony hinchcliffe
The funniest part of this is this is the final moment of the Royal Rumble.
This is a huge, long build-up, and it's controversial because they both went over the top and landed.
So there's this tie, so all the refs are trying to figure out what's going on.
So it makes it even funnier that Vince is just sitting there.
joe rogan
With his legs stretched out.
Look how big Bautista was that.
Jesus Christ.
He's so much bigger than he is now in Guardians of the Galaxy.
You forget how big he was.
jake the snake roberts
I think he might have been on Vince McMahon's protein diet.
joe rogan
There's no way.
That's all natural, bro.
That's vegan.
unidentified
Yeah, that's it.
jake the snake roberts
Vegan.
joe rogan
That's beans and stuff.
jake the snake roberts
Uh-huh.
joe rogan
Yeah.
unidentified
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
Jack and the bean.
Stalk.
tony hinchcliffe
It's incredible.
joe rogan
I mean, just the fact that that guy was able to do that.
I gotta bring this up because we were watching this in the green room right before we got in.
David Arquette is wrestling.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Did you know this?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, David Arquette's...
joe rogan
Covered in blood.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Got a lightbulb smashed in his head.
Cuts all over his face.
jake the snake roberts
Which beats a fucking 2x4.
unidentified
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
A lightbulb is much easier than a 2x4.
joe rogan
What is the worst shit you ever got hit with?
jake the snake roberts
A guitar.
joe rogan
A guitar.
Oh, that's Honky Tonk, right?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, it was a real guitar.
tony hinchcliffe
That's really surprising to me because it always appeared like the Honky Tonk's guitar was just an exploding...
jake the snake roberts
They all were after that.
joe rogan
What is this?
WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.
Wait a minute.
jake the snake roberts
He was their champion for a while.
unidentified
What?
What?
tony hinchcliffe
It was a highly controversial moment.
joe rogan
Heavyweight Champion?
How much does he weigh?
140. That doesn't make any sense.
jake the snake roberts
140 hard.
joe rogan
He is definitely built way bigger.
He's way thicker than he's ever been before.
Because when they showed him on TMZ, he was running around.
He looked jacked.
jake the snake roberts
He's got diva size now.
unidentified
He's got a mangina.
joe rogan
See if you can find the video, the TMZ video.
Because it's kind of fucking hilarious.
jake the snake roberts
It is, really.
It just goes to show you what happens, though, man.
You know, it's a lust that you get for it.
You know, wrestling.
I mean, I hated wrestling growing up.
Hated it.
tony hinchcliffe
Because your dad did it.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, because my dad did it, and he was never home, so I blamed wrestling for him never being home.
Bottom line was he didn't give a fuck about kids, except those he could rape.
joe rogan
Look at that.
He got hit in the head.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
That guy stabbed him in the fucking head.
Gouging, yeah.
With a fluorescent light bulb that he just shattered.
By the way, you can get that dust in your eyes, the glass dust.
But look how big he is.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, he's huge.
joe rogan
Our kid was never that big before.
jake the snake roberts
He's looking more like an Eddie Guerrero right there, you know?
joe rogan
Kind of hilarious.
Look how jacked he is.
tony hinchcliffe
The cool thing about David doing this is that he just got sober a few years ago, and he's doing this to keep life exciting for him.
You know what I mean?
joe rogan
Is that why he's doing it, or he just doesn't have any movie roles coming in?
tony hinchcliffe
No.
He's okay.
jake the snake roberts
Both will do it.
joe rogan
How do you know he's okay?
What are you, his agent?
tony hinchcliffe
Well, I... He went, no, but he's...
jake the snake roberts
He's a wrestling agent.
You suck.
joe rogan
He's fucking jacked, dude.
I mean, I'm very impressed with his physique.
tony hinchcliffe
Arquette got into executive producing a bunch of stuff.
Like, he's one of the executive producers of, like, Cougar Town.
joe rogan
Oh, that was with his ex-wife.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, all these massive shows.
joe rogan
Oh, man, he runs back in and gets stumped.
jake the snake roberts
I like that.
But you see where he just fucking pushes back from the guys and goes, no, I'm going to lay down here.
I'm not going to fucking get hit again.
joe rogan
Oh, and then he just hit him with a chair with a broken glass on it.
This is some high-level production for 50 people in the room.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, exactly.
It's all family, though.
joe rogan
All the blood and everything.
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
Hunks of glass in the ring is brilliant.
joe rogan
Yeah, that is crazy.
Now, that's...
jake the snake roberts
Then he leaves the fucking ring like he knows what's wrong, right?
unidentified
He's pissed.
jake the snake roberts
You can tell he's pissed.
It didn't go the way he wanted it to.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Do you think he's pissed?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, he was pissed.
joe rogan
Do you think they planned that out?
jake the snake roberts
Somebody fucked him somewhere in there.
He got fucked.
joe rogan
You think so?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
Because you see him going for the guy, then the guy just took him over, and then started to get back on him.
He wasn't expecting that.
He thought he was going up.
joe rogan
Oh.
jake the snake roberts
And then you see him just fucking get up and just fucking storm out of the fucking ring.
Why didn't you stay and kick his fucking ass?
Because obviously you can't.
See, he's trying to get to him, but the guy won't fucking let him.
Now watch.
Guy takes him over, and he's on top of him.
He's hooking him for the one, two, three.
He got the one, two, three, see?
He did not want that to fucking happen.
Now watch this.
Just gets up.
Fuck it, I'm going home.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, I'm straight out.
joe rogan
That's interesting because you see this from the eyes of professional wrestling.
I see this from the eyes of a layman in the crowd, and I don't see that.
That's fascinating.
You see a double cross.
jake the snake roberts
Oh yeah, that's a double cross, no doubt.
Somebody got fucked there.
Because that's why he got the quick one, two, three count on him.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
You know?
He didn't expect that.
joe rogan
David Arquette sitting back knowing that Jake the Snake is doing commentary on his match.
unidentified
I love it.
jake the snake roberts
David?
Get a day job.
And send your sister over a year.
joe rogan
Outrageous.
Listen, he just needs practice.
He's a young buck.
I mean, didn't Dallas...
Dallas started when he was 36. 36. Yeah, I started when he was 36. Imagine that.
tony hinchcliffe
And the crazy part is you were one of his original mentors.
jake the snake roberts
I'm the guy that said, I'll fucking teach you because everybody else said you're too fucking old.
Yeah.
Specifically, Ric Flair.
Ric Flair told him, Dallas, you've been a manager, you do this well, you do that well, but you're 36. Get a grip on it.
You're too fucking old to start.
And when Dallas told me that, I'm like, fuck it, man.
Is it really your dream?
He says, it's my fucking dream, man.
I want it.
Fuck it, I'll teach you.
And that's when I started.
I moved in with him.
And then we had the infamous snake incident in his house.
joe rogan
What was the infamous snake incident?
jake the snake roberts
I got busy with a girlfriend and forgot what I was doing upstairs.
I was washing the snake off and went back downstairs to check on her and she caught me by surprise and raped me.
It was horrible, but it was great.
So I stayed and then I went, oh my god, I forgot the snake upstairs.
So I ran back upstairs and realized it had been two and a half hours.
And Dallas is just coming out of his bedroom and he's like, Fuck, you been in the shower the whole time?
I'm like, yeah, man, I just, yeah, I'm sweaty.
Look at me.
I ain't been in the shower yet, man.
The snake was in there.
So I'll get my shit right out.
unidentified
He goes, why don't you leave the shower?
jake the snake roberts
I'm from Dallas.
I was washing some soap out, man.
Fuck, get a grip, man.
Leave me alone.
So I go in there, fucking snake.
Oh my God, I can't find the fucking snake.
You're not in here.
Oh my god.
joe rogan
Which kind of snake was this?
A cobra?
jake the snake roberts
A cobra, yeah.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus.
jake the snake roberts
They had three cats.
joe rogan
Oh, no.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, that's what I thought, too.
joe rogan
Oh, no.
jake the snake roberts
So I started looking for it.
Then I had to fess up to Dallas when I was going like, dude, dude, dude, dude.
You gotta find that motherfucker.
My wife will be home in 20 minutes.
I'm like, what?
Holy shit.
You know, I'll fight any man, but fucking woman, hell no.
They will fuck you up.
I run from women.
They fuck you up, man.
They wait till you're asleep and shit.
Fucking come fuck you up again.
Because we have dicks.
We think, you know, they love me because of my dick or whatever.
And you give them an in because they're going, I want to hear you so much.
And then you fall asleep.
Axe murder, axe murder, here we go.
unidentified
Whoa.
jake the snake roberts
I've been married three times.
joe rogan
Your experience is very different than mine.
jake the snake roberts
Well, I've had three successful marriages.
Nobody died.
I did 13 years with my first wife, 13 years with my second wife, four months with my third.
So I'm getting better.
unidentified
I'm a lot better.
joe rogan
But it sounds like you're talking about prison.
I did 13 years.
Whenever someone says about marriage, I did 13 years.
jake the snake roberts
That's like Sam Kennison in 86. That goes back to my experience.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
You know, my experience is, unfortunately, because what I've been through, I let a woman get this close to me.
We're about to get started getting real, which is what I really want.
But then I gotta push you back.
joe rogan
Right.
Can't handle it.
jake the snake roberts
I can't handle it.
joe rogan
I want to get back to this, but I want to find out what happened to the cats.
jake the snake roberts
Okay, well, long story short, I couldn't find them, the snake.
For how long?
As long as I was there.
How much?
Well, right before she got home, I thought I would do the man thing and get in my car and run.
That's what I did.
joe rogan
That is what you did?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
Brother, I had a slick 84 Corvette that I knew would not look good with high heels going up and down it.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Because that bitch, that wonderful lady, she was a wonderful, wonderful woman.
joe rogan
She was going to fuck you up.
jake the snake roberts
She's going to fuck everybody up.
unidentified
Right.
jake the snake roberts
And if I'm not sleeping with you, you're not going to talk shit like that to me.
Right.
joe rogan
That's true.
jake the snake roberts
I'll listen to it if I'm sleeping with you.
But that was it.
I had to leave.
I came back two days later, in my defense, two days later.
joe rogan
Okay.
jake the snake roberts
And when I got there, I see all these workmen carrying sheets of sheetrock.
I'm like, what the fuck?
And then Dallas had told me they were going to do some remodeling downstairs.
And I'm like, oh, they're working on my fucking room, right?
That's so cool, man.
He's like, dude, you've got 15 minutes to package it and go.
What?
You've got to get out.
One little snake and I've got to go.
That's really bullshit, Dallas.
And yeah, they couldn't find the snake either, so they wound up calling some people, professionals.
And the only way they found it was by tearing out several walls.
And they finally found it in one of the walls.
joe rogan
What did it do, climb in a vent?
jake the snake roberts
It got in the vent, wherever, I don't know, and got into the wall.
What the fuck?
And they had to follow it through the house.
joe rogan
How did they find it?
jake the snake roberts
By running out of walls.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, so they were quite upset.
I believe so.
joe rogan
I had my kitchen worked on once, and after they sealed the drywall in the back, I heard, meow, meow.
jake the snake roberts
Snake is inside.
joe rogan
No, my fucking cat.
So, my cat Spaz.
I was like, Spaz!
She's like, meow.
jake the snake roberts
That's where it got the name.
joe rogan
I'm like, oh, shit.
I'm like, she's in the fucking wall, so I had to go get a hammer.
And I had to claw open the wall and then pull her out, covered in fucking...
jake the snake roberts
That's when they hit the music.
joe rogan
That's a sweet cat.
Had that cat for 19 years.
tony hinchcliffe
Wow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
Let me tell you what happened.
Here I am in Australia.
This is like 1993 or 4. And there's a Japanese superstar named Thunder Juice and Liker.
I mean, just top of the top, brother.
So he's on tour with us.
No problem.
But the first night he's in, we'd already been there two nights, and these people come in, these Japs come in, and they start fucking yakety-yakety in Japanese to this other guy, and they're in English, transferred, and boom, boom.
Bottom line is, he will not stay in the same fucking dressing room as Jake.
He's terrified of snakes.
I said, dude, I'm not going to get it on him.
No, it doesn't matter.
He doesn't even think he should be here because of Jake.
Fuck him.
Let him go wherever he wants.
I don't give a shit.
I told you I wouldn't get it on you.
If my word's not good enough, fuck off.
So he goes and gets another dressing room on the other side of this coliseum.
You know, it's a giant coliseum, man.
Long ways across there.
He wrestles.
Goes into the shower.
Comes out from the shower.
He's drying off.
He looks up in the mirror.
And in the mirror, he can see a cobra has come up out of the toilet.
And he's looking around the room.
And the rest of him is still in the toilet.
And then he goes back down.
He screams.
He runs across the fucking building nude.
Which got everybody's attention.
The police get involved.
He comes down to, Jake, where's your fucking snake?
And I'm like, I really can't find it.
So he had gotten out of my locker room and went into the toilet and took off and come up in that toilet over there.
unidentified
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
But that fucking guy got on a fucking airplane that night and went the fuck home.
joe rogan
Imagine the snake sensed that he was scared of him.
jake the snake roberts
Sure he did.
joe rogan
And then went and found the place where there was the most fear.
unidentified
You're the one.
Yep.
joe rogan
Yeah.
I wonder if that...
I mean, it only makes sense, right?
jake the snake roberts
They can sense your fear.
joe rogan
They would go after prey animals, right?
Prey animals are terrified of them.
They probably have a sense of fear.
Through the fucking toilet.
Can you imagine that?
Goes through the toilet?
jake the snake roberts
I mean, I still have horror stories and bad memories of sitting on a toilet and a snake just biting me in the balls and the ass and stuff.
joe rogan
That happened to you?
jake the snake roberts
No.
No, but I had those fucking dreams come to me because I had those snakes all those fucking years, man.
joe rogan
Well, especially after that, knowing that they can travel that way.
jake the snake roberts
Oh, they can.
joe rogan
How'd you get the snake back?
jake the snake roberts
I didn't.
I left him over there in fucking Australia.
I couldn't get him back.
Sorry.
Now he's taking over the country.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ, where's that fucking snake?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, it's in Melbourne.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
That's where I left him.
joe rogan
How long do those things live?
Like how long?
30 years?
jake the snake roberts
30 years.
joe rogan
So it's probably still alive.
In the toilets of that auditorium.
tony hinchcliffe
I wonder if he goes done.
jake the snake roberts
Looking around and eating ass, man.
Can you imagine some poor woman sitting down in the toilet?
She's like, ooh, that feels good.
Oh, wait a minute.
That's not right.
tony hinchcliffe
Wow.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
He'll sneak up the asterisk.
joe rogan
Climbed in the fucking toilet and went to the one guy that was terrified of him.
tony hinchcliffe
Unbelievable.
jake the snake roberts
You remember when we did the Andre thing, right?
Andre was supposed to be afraid of the snake.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah, yeah.
jake the snake roberts
And he faints and fakes a heart attack.
And he's, you know, laying there.
Poor Bobby Heenan.
Bobby Heenan is over there pounding on his chest because he's supposed to act like he's had a heart attack.
And somebody goes, give him mouth to mouth, Bobby.
And Bobby's like, are you fucking kidding me?
That fucking giant breath that you had, man, from drinking.
Giant breath.
I love the giant to death.
I mean, when I first got into wrestling, I was a referee in like 1974 or so.
And they came to me and they said, look, you're not refereeing tomorrow night, but we want you to drive Andre around.
Why?
joe rogan
So you were a referee before you were a pro wrestler?
unidentified
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Which is actually the best way to start.
joe rogan
Because you get a feel of it?
jake the snake roberts
You get a feel of it.
You learn how to feel people.
And you learn how to judge people.
You learn how to read people.
In the crowd, you can read them.
I got the take care of Andre thing.
They gave me a van.
So Andre will sit in the back.
Got him a beanbag chair.
Just take him to the building.
He'll do his thing.
Give him a ride back to the hotel.
Cool.
70 miles.
No problem.
80 miles.
Whatever.
So we get through the show, and he's like, beer!
Okay!
He talks, he walks, you know.
So I stop and get him beer.
I'm like, I'm gonna get a six pack of my damn self there, Andre.
And he goes, two cases.
It's an 85 mile trip.
Um, yeah, two cases.
I'm like, fuck.
joe rogan
Two cases?
jake the snake roberts
I guess he wants some for his room, right?
So we get back in the van.
We start driving.
I don't know about you guys, man.
Back, even when I drank...
Until I get into that first third or fourth hour, I got to piss.
Like, every time I have a beer, I got to piss.
I don't really buy beer.
I just rent it.
You know?
I rent it, then I go get rid of it.
But, so after, you know, 30 miles, I pull, hey, Andre, sorry, I got to piss.
You know, I get out of the piss.
Get back in the van.
You don't, no, nothing.
Okay, take it easy.
I hear the tops keep pop, pop, pop.
I'm like, he's fucking with me.
He's fucking with me.
We get a little closer, I got to piss again.
Finally get there.
Gets out and says, I'll get you a beer.
He goes, finished.
What?
He drank 48 beers.
Yeah, right.
You know, fuck off.
Fuck off, you big goof, you know.
He leaves.
I get in there, first thing I do, I'm checking with my hand, make sure I'm not putting my hand in piss.
Because I figure this motherfucker never got out to piss.
He drank two cases of beer and did not have to piss.
I don't care if you out drink me.
But damn it.
How can you do that?
I mean, I felt so inadequate.
This guy drank 48 beers and didn't piss.
joe rogan
48 beers and 80 miles?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's insane.
jake the snake roberts
Well, that was nothing.
Probably his hand would cover that beer up.
That's how big his hands were.
Just an amazing athlete and an amazing man.
And to be in the ring with him was...
He was unbelievable.
joe rogan
When Hulk Hogan hoisted him up in the air, look at that photo of him with a regular sized can of beer.
That is insane.
jake the snake roberts
Doesn't even look real.
joe rogan
That doesn't look real.
tony hinchcliffe
It's a 12 ounce.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's a 12-ounce beer, and it just vanishes inside his head.
See if you can find that video of when Hulk Hogan picks him up over his head.
jake the snake roberts
Slams him, yeah.
joe rogan
That was fucking insane.
How much did he weigh?
550. 550 pounds.
Now, 550 pounds just hoisting over your head with a bar, with an Olympic bar, is impressive.
But to do it with dead weight with a man?
jake the snake roberts
Well, the thing about it is...
It wouldn't happen unless Andre wanted you to.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
Of course.
jake the snake roberts
Because he's going to boost himself.
joe rogan
Of course.
jake the snake roberts
I mean, I remember him being in the ring one night and he says, slam me!
I'm like, yeah, you're fucking kidding me.
joe rogan
But this is insane.
Like, look at this.
This is insane.
jake the snake roberts
But if you look where Andre's hands are, you'll see that he helps him pull him.
joe rogan
Stale.
jake the snake roberts
He had me pick him up and slam him one night.
And he's like, slam me.
I'm like, no fucking way.
I thought he was kidding.
He's like, no, yes, sir.
And I went under, and all of a sudden, he's here.
And I'm like, holy fuck, I've got him.
tony hinchcliffe
Still insane.
He would use that athletic energy for that.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, then my legs just started to fucking buckle.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, you gotta drop him fast.
jake the snake roberts
Hogan's 300 pounds there.
joe rogan
At least, right?
jake the snake roberts
Look how big the giant is.
unidentified
And jacked.
joe rogan
But Hogan was fucking jacked.
jake the snake roberts
Oh, yeah.
joe rogan
You know, I met him later in life, but I met him earlier, too.
I ran into him on the street once, and I couldn't believe how fucking big he was.
And the second time I saw him, he was shorter.
Because he had so many back surgeries that his discs had been fused.
And he's still a giant human being, but he wasn't as big.
jake the snake roberts
He's not 6'8 no more.
Yeah.
He's about 6'4".
joe rogan
Isn't that crazy?
tony hinchcliffe
Piper told me when I was friends with Piper, he told me that when Hogan did that slam on Andre, just like he could feel it just going all the way up.
Is that true?
joe rogan
I can only imagine.
jake the snake roberts
I clotheslined Andre one night, and I came in to him hard because Andre wanted you to hit him hard.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Which I used to say, that's the most frustrating thing in the world right there.
Watch that.
You're trying to kill a motherfucker, and he don't even know it.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
So here I am hitting him as hard as I could, and he didn't know that.
So when he'd reach out and just...
I mean, he used to hit me, and I'd be falling, right?
That's a lot of energy, me falling.
He'd reach out and grab me by my hair and just...
Pull me right to my fucking feet and just rip the fucking...
See, look here.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, here you two are.
Look at that.
joe rogan
Look at that.
jake the snake roberts
That weighed 260 there.
joe rogan
Wow.
tony hinchcliffe
God, that's so crazy.
That's you.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
That is so crazy.
unidentified
Look how fucking big he was.
joe rogan
He was so big.
jake the snake roberts
He did a horrible thing to me one night in the ring, and he knocked me down, and I'm on my back, and he stands on my hair, and then reached down and grabbed my arms and pulled, and just ripped my fucking hair out.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Did you guys plan shit out like that, or did he just improvise that in the moment?
jake the snake roberts
We went out there and played.
He liked me, and I liked him.
Andre will test you.
And if you don't man up to him, he'll fucking eat you.
tony hinchcliffe
Did you get to see the documentary that they made on him on HBO? Are you talking about Savage?
No, Andre.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, no, no.
No, I didn't see it.
tony hinchcliffe
It's really great.
You'd really love it.
jake the snake roberts
I don't want to.
His has hurt too much.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
It made me cry, so...
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, it makes me cry to know what that man went through.
joe rogan
What did he go through?
jake the snake roberts
Just people pointing and laughing.
unidentified
Right.
tony hinchcliffe
And pain.
rowdy roddy piper
His pain was unbelievable.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Because of wrestling.
jake the snake roberts
No, because...
joe rogan
Because of the growth.
jake the snake roberts
Growth.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Continued to grow.
jake the snake roberts
You know, let's think about what a day is.
Well, a bed don't fit too well.
unidentified
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Let's talk about hotels and bathrooms.
unidentified
Oh, no.
jake the snake roberts
Where's he on the show?
joe rogan
Right.
Where does he shit?
jake the snake roberts
In the bathtub.
joe rogan
No.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
That's the only place he could shit.
unidentified
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
There's no toilet gonna take his ass.
joe rogan
Then he's gotta squish it in there.
jake the snake roberts
He just gotta...
No, he just fuckin' turn the shower on, man, and let it dissolve it.
tony hinchcliffe
How would you like to do hot yoga in that bathroom with that shower spraying down?
unidentified
God damn, he took a shit in the bathtub.
tony hinchcliffe
Airplanes, cars.
jake the snake roberts
His home was a giant house.
joe rogan
So did he have his house set up?
tony hinchcliffe
It's another thing where Piper told me a great story about how everybody would always...
He would just get...
so harassed out in public and they were out drinking one night after shows and they were in on in some college town like we'll say madison wisconsin or something like that and uh they're having some drinks at a bar and piper was like these kids these frat boys you know they noticed a few tables away and someone there an empty beer can hits andre in the back of the head it hits the They're hanging out.
A couple minutes later, another empty beer can hits Andre.
He growls a little bit harder.
And then a third beer can comes and Andre stands up.
It hits him in his head.
Andre stands up.
It takes him a while to get out of the booth or wherever they're at.
And these guys get up and they start running.
And they chase...
Andre chases them, but when he gets out of the bar, they are in their car about to pull away, and Andre literally goes under the car that's out front of the bar and flips it over.
There's a cop a half a block away who pulls up.
unidentified
What?
tony hinchcliffe
What?
And arrest them for fucking with Andre the Giant after he flips their car with them in it.
Those guys mess with me.
jake the snake roberts
I remember we were wrestling in Montreal.
It was his birthday.
Wow, look at that picture.
He could do a backflip standing on the top rope and do a flip and land on his feet when he first started.
But I'm wrestling him and we had this little thing we'd do where he'd get me in the corner and he'd just throw that weight into me, you know, which is pretty easy to register.
And then I would slide down.
And then he would grab each side of the rope and do the ass drop.
Of course, he's got these ropes.
Well, that night he went to do it and his hand slipped.
So all of a sudden his ass lands right here.
And just, you know, I heard fucking vertebrates and I'm like, can I breathe?
I just want to know if I can breathe because I couldn't at the moment.
It's like, screaming and I turned over on my side thinking, oh my God.
How bad is it?
Because I figured my sternum was broke, whatever.
And he sits on me.
And I'm laying there, oh my God, oh my God, trying to catch my breath.
Trying to let everything come back in, because I'd seen the lights coming at first, so I was going to pass out.
And then I hear Andre laughing.
I hear the referee say, Andre, why are you laughing?
He goes, I'm farting!
And I'm like, what?
And I can feel my fucking shoulder just vibrate.
And he's farting.
You know how long a giant can fart?
joe rogan
How long?
jake the snake roberts
About 40 seconds.
He's like...
But it was a steady flow.
It wasn't, you know, 48 years worth of farts.
Man, he got up, I had like a wine stain on my shoulder.
It was a birthmark.
joe rogan
Look at that.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
Amazing, amazing guy, man.
But I used to think to myself, the fans really don't like me.
Because they're putting me out there and the fans are cheering me on to charge into that fucking big giant.
You want me to get killed, don't you?
unidentified
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
You fans are vicious.
Why are y'all doing this to me?
Don't cheer me.
Tell me I'm a stupid fucker and get out of the ring.
Before the giant eats you.
joe rogan
There's no fun in that.
tony hinchcliffe
Was that hard to always be a great bad guy or did you sort of relish in that?
jake the snake roberts
Being a good guy is so boring.
Because people expect you to be nice, they expect you to do this, you can get a picture with the baby.
But as a bad guy, you can do anything and it's okay.
And then you get to see how far you can take people.
Some people freak, this kind of bugs people, freaks them out a little bit, thinking about starting a riot.
But that's when you know you've done your job right.
When you can get people to step out of their comfort zone and come into the ring after you.
Now you've done the job.
joe rogan
Did you have that happen a little bit?
unidentified
Oh yeah.
joe rogan
How many times?
jake the snake roberts
Oh probably.
30, 40 times.
joe rogan
30, 40 times people charged the ring trying to get you.
jake the snake roberts
Well, it got bad a couple of times.
One time, the worst one being in Dallas, Texas, which is like 60 miles from my hometown.
joe rogan
What started it?
jake the snake roberts
I was wrestling Sting.
And the guy stood up about nine rows back, reached inside of his jacket, pulled out a nine millimeter, and got three shots off before they got him.
unidentified
What?
jake the snake roberts
I'd already dived underneath the ring.
Sting being the baby face of stupid, yeah.
He's in the ring.
unidentified
Woo!
jake the snake roberts
You know, fuck you, Sting.
I'm not coming back, bitch.
You know, this guy got three shells off at me.
And I remember going to the back, thinking to myself, You take them that far.
You're making people do shit they would not normally do.
Did they get the guy?
Yeah, they got him.
But here's what, they brought him to the back and they're like, Jake, do you want to press charges?
I'm like, press charges?
No, just reload the motherfucker and put him back out there.
What the fuck do you think, press charges?
Of course I want to press charges, man.
He put three holes in the building of the old fucking sportatorium there in Dallas, man.
joe rogan
Was he shooting at you or was he just shooting at the ceiling?
jake the snake roberts
At me, at me, yeah.
unidentified
Really?
jake the snake roberts
He hated my ass.
I had a woman, 75 years old.
Cut me with a box cutter.
unidentified
What?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
The first time she'd ever been to watch wrestling.
unidentified
What?
joe rogan
What did you do to start that?
jake the snake roberts
She had been at home with her grandkids and they were watching me wrestle.
We're like, oh, Granny, look at so-and-so.
Jake Roberts, oh, he's so bad.
If somebody needs to wash his damn mouth out, open spank his ass is what that man needs.
Somebody should have straightened him out earlier in his life.
And they're like, oh, Granny, shut up.
You wouldn't have done anything.
You'd run from him, too.
I would not run from that man.
And they basically challenged the grandmother, not knowing it.
She's a little off.
Next time I come to town, she gets a fucking ticket.
She's going to show those grandkids she's not afraid of me.
joe rogan
Oh, Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
I came down the aisle.
I got security around me.
And all of a sudden, my security's gone.
I'm like, this is fucking great.
And I turn to see what they're doing.
There's this old woman that's down.
And they're all over.
And I'm thinking, what, she had a fucking heart attack, man?
What's going on?
Hey, guys, what's going on?
Jake, she fucking cut you, man.
I'm like, oh, you're full of shit.
Look at your arm.
Holy shit.
unidentified
I fucking kicked that bitch right in the face, man.
jake the snake roberts
I went down and tried to cross face her.
joe rogan
How bad did she cut you?
jake the snake roberts
About 30 stitches.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
Box cutter.
joe rogan
You just didn't realize it.
jake the snake roberts
You don't feel it, the box cutter.
You're so sharp.
So I get to the back with her and I hear the story.
You know, what actually happened.
unidentified
And I just looked at her and I think, can I hug you?
jake the snake roberts
You want to hug me?
I'm like, yeah I do.
Yeah, I do.
Come here.
And I hugged her.
I started crying.
She started crying.
Whoa.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
Is that wife number two or three?
jake the snake roberts
I would have taken her.
tony hinchcliffe
That's why it only lasted four months.
unidentified
She died.
jake the snake roberts
She died, yeah.
joe rogan
She ran out of blades.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, there you go.
There you go.
joe rogan
What the fuck, man?
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
You're a better man than me.
Well, you did kick her, though.
jake the snake roberts
I did kick.
It was a good, solid kick.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
I got a nice fucking false teeth jiggle.
unidentified
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
You guys, do you still have all your teeth?
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah.
jake the snake roberts
How many root canals?
joe rogan
One.
jake the snake roberts
Really?
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
How long did you fight?
joe rogan
Not that long.
I wore a mouthpiece.
jake the snake roberts
15 minutes?
20 minutes?
No.
joe rogan
I move a lot.
There's a big difference between the amount of punishment that you would take pro wrestling and the amount of punishment you take sparring or fighting.
jake the snake roberts
I had like 16, 17 root canals.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ, man.
jake the snake roberts
You know, the shots.
As you get older, The teeth deteriorate.
And those root canals, that tooth just winds up turning into dust basically.
And they start breaking off in pieces and stuff.
And this probably didn't help in my spiral down either, man.
I couldn't go eat, you know?
I had to check and see what I was going to eat and make sure I just put new polygrip in and you start eating a steak with polygrip and boom, it breaks loose and next thing you know your fucking mouth's bleeding because it broke loose and you're having to go to the bathroom.
It makes a date so nice.
You know, there's nothing that says love by chewing on your girlfriend's box and your teeth fall out on her belly button, you know?
It just turns them on, you know?
joe rogan
No, petite is not meant to be hit.
jake the snake roberts
It sucks, man, you know?
joe rogan
Yeah.
You never wore a mouthpiece though, right?
jake the snake roberts
No, you can't do it in wrestling.
You just swallowed it.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's the difference.
jake the snake roberts
But, you know, I got real fortunate that some people out of Dallas, and they got one in Vegas also, G4, it's called, they said, look, dude, We see you're having problems.
We see you doing your talking.
And I'd talk like this.
Because I didn't want...
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Because my teeth were constantly coming loose.
And it didn't matter how many times I got new ones.
They still sucked.
So these people at G4, man, they finally came through and said, look, we're going to fix you.
I'm like, yeah, right.
So they told me implants.
Well, I didn't know a whole lot about that shit.
You know, and they come back to me and they said, I went to Dallas and Dr. Golpa, who was his name, and put 11 implants in.
It was pretty bad, man.
I had a bad day.
It's hard to medicate me and put me out because I raised those levels too high.
So during while I was out and they were pulling teeth, getting ready to put the things in to screw into, evidently during all that process I just stood up and started pissing on the doctor and pissing on everybody in the room and chasing them and a complete fucking idiot.
joe rogan
Was this why you were sober?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I sobered up, but see, they had to give me so much shit to put me out that I keep moving this bullshit going, hey, fuck you, doc, and I'm fucking getting my dick.
joe rogan
But this is, I'm saying, this is like during your sobriety period.
jake the snake roberts
Yes, yes, yes.
joe rogan
So this is recently?
jake the snake roberts
A year and a half ago, yeah.
joe rogan
Jesus Christ.
jake the snake roberts
They did this for my teeth, man.
unidentified
Can you imagine being locked in a small room with Jake the Snake?
joe rogan
He pulls his dick out and starts pissing on you.
You think you got him medicated?
He's got bars in his teeth.
You try to give him some fake teeth?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, yeah.
What was even nicer was the next day they didn't even hold it against me.
joe rogan
Aw, that's sweet.
unidentified
I know.
jake the snake roberts
I woke up the next morning.
I don't remember them taking me to the hotel and putting me in bed or any of that.
Man, I didn't know what the Vaseline on my ass was for.
But anyway, I'm just kidding.
But I woke up the next morning.
I'm like, whose fucking clothes are these?
Because they basically undressed me there and got the piss all off of me and put new clothes on me.
I'm like, what the fuck's going on?
joe rogan
Did they have to buy clothes for you?
Or was there a giant person in the room?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, they're at the place and they dressed me and I came back the next morning.
I haven't been there for five hours the day before.
And they sat me down and said, this won't take but about 15 minutes.
I'm like, yeah, all right.
And they come in there, here's your new teeth, put them up and screwed them in, man.
I could bite a bumper on a car.
No shit.
joe rogan
No, it's amazing what they can do now, right?
unidentified
This is so strong.
jake the snake roberts
It's so unbelievable.
If anybody out there is having an issue with their teeth, man, get them fixed.
But get them fixed the right way.
Don't fuck around with getting partial plates and all that bullshit.
Go ahead and bite the bullet.
It's expensive.
No doubt it's expensive.
But it changed my whole life, man.
That and the guy that did my hair.
You know what I mean?
I wanted hair.
You know, because Jake the Snake has hair.
Well, Jake the Snake at the end of the line didn't have no fucking hair.
It was all gone.
And some people in Atlanta, where I was living, Paramount Plastic Surgery and stuff, they said, look, we'll get We're Jake the Snake, man.
We love you.
That's like 30, 40 grand, man.
I know you love me, but you're going to do that?
Really?
Yeah, that's one of the things.
We'll come up with money for my shoulder.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh my god, I cry so hard at that part of that movie.
When you guys are expecting, like, oh, I'm hoping that we raised a little something.
joe rogan
$7,000 a night.
jake the snake roberts
No, it was just $17,000 in a 24-hour span, which more than paid for my...
I almost had enough to get a tit job.
Which I was going to have them put on my back.
That way you'd have something to play with too.
joe rogan
What did you have to get down to your shoulder?
Was it labrum tear?
jake the snake roberts
No, it was bone spurs.
I had three bone spurs and one of the spurs was over two inches long.
And here's the great news.
I think I've got it back.
joe rogan
You got a spur back?
jake the snake roberts
I can move my arm and I can feel that fucking thing in there go across the muscle.
joe rogan
Oh, God.
jake the snake roberts
It's like, are you fucking kidding me?
joe rogan
You sure?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah.
Did you get an MRI? Not yet, but I felt it before.
joe rogan
It might just be the biceps tendon torn off.
jake the snake roberts
I hope so.
But what I'm getting at here is like the number of people that reached out to me and did shit for me that didn't have to.
People I didn't even know.
It just blows me away.
joe rogan
Well, just think about how many people you touched over your entire career, and how many people ran away from home when the macho man got bit.
tony hinchcliffe
And it's crazy, because back then, everybody's like, this is the scariest guy, we hate this guy, boo this guy, and then it's like, years later they realize, whoa, that guy moved me.
It's like originally everybody was afraid of you or hated you, but it's all in retrospect when they realize, holy shit, this guy, I can help this guy.
He earned it from me.
He deserves it.
This guy changed my life.
joe rogan
The scene in the movie when it's unexpected and the guys are in the ring and they play the music and you start walking out with a bag and a snake in it.
That's pretty incredible.
After all the shit that you had been through, with your sobriety...
jake the snake roberts
Hand off all the shit that I'd stirred up while I was a drunk.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
You know, because, I mean, it amazes me how many people have forgiven me.
For the things that I said or did when I was under the influence, man.
Because let me tell you something.
There is nothing more vile than a drunk, addicted, hating motherfucker.
You know, like I was.
And I did not mind going after Vince or anybody else.
I hated life, so I wanted to hate you too.
I don't give a fuck if you hate me.
Guess what?
I hate me more than you can hate me.
What a loser you are.
You can't even hate me much.
That's what amazed me, people helping me.
All those years that I used to cringe when somebody would say, hey, would you hold my baby?
I'm like, you don't want me to hold your baby.
You don't know what the fuck I am.
Don't make me do that.
Because it would hurt me inside to pull that kid in and smile and lie.
I'm not a good liar when it comes to shit like that.
It's like Vince wanted me to do a commercial one time, a Just Say No campaign.
unidentified
Dude, you're going to have me fucking do this?
Ha ha ha!
jake the snake roberts
You know, to me it's not funny, Vince.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
It's not.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Because I know what it's like not to be able to say no.
There's no worse feeling in the world, man.
Here you got something on this hand that's going to kill you.
Or you got life over here in this green pastures and all this happy, happy, happy, and you're going to have a good relationship with a woman if you just fucking...
I'm going to take the poisonous tree.
joe rogan
You know what's ironic is that your movie, your film, your story, and who you are right now is one of the best Just Say No commercials I could ever do.
jake the snake roberts
Maybe.
unidentified
Maybe.
joe rogan
For real.
Because you can't Just Say No.
jake the snake roberts
No, no.
It's the most ridiculous bullshit ever said.
joe rogan
Yeah, when you show that in the film...
That you want to say no.
I mean, this is one of the more powerful things about that film, is not just that you succeeded, but that you tried and failed several times until you succeeded, and you detailed all of it, all the warts and all, every single step of the way.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, we didn't...
joe rogan
It's a very brave movie, man.
It really is.
jake the snake roberts
We didn't cut shit out.
joe rogan
No.
No, you didn't.
jake the snake roberts
That was tough, but now I'm getting...
To do the right thing.
And for me, I'm doing this comedy thing now.
It's not really comedy.
I just go out and tell road stories and shit.
Like Roddy used to do, right?
Yeah, with Macho.
I do the same stuff in buildings.
But I've wrestled for 36 years.
So I've got about 10 shows to do.
And I'm still on the first one.
joe rogan
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Going all around with it.
And I've been doing it for two and a half years now.
But now I'm enjoying it so much.
Not because I'm making people laugh.
Because I'm getting to connect with people that are needing help.
People come to the show, I tell them, hey, give me the icky, man.
Afterwards, we'll go find a place and talk.
And some of the stories I have, man, make my story...
Sound like a fucking walk in the park, man.
I mean, some of the horror stories I've heard, what people are going through, and suffering through, and their story, their pain, and their anger.
You know, my shit looks weak compared to what these people...
And I'm getting to hear this, and I'm getting to help them find the way.
And then I get to hear the stories of the success stories.
Hey, man, I didn't start getting clean until I heard about you starting to get clean.
And I started to try.
And hey, guess what, Jake?
I got two years in now.
Or I got four years in now.
Those are great.
But the best is the letter from the six-year-old.
It says, you helped my daddy.
My daddy loves you.
And I love you too because my daddy lives with me now.
Wow.
Oh, fuck me, man.
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
You know?
unidentified
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
You can't buy that shit.
unidentified
You can't buy that.
jake the snake roberts
So I get what Dallas does, you know?
When he helps people, he gets an eye off of it.
And God bless him, he should get an eye off of it.
Because he spends a lot of time doing it, bro.
A lot of time.
And that's the one thing I always thought about Dallas when...
He may not be the smartest guy in the room, but he's smart enough to know that, and he'll go find that right answer.
You know, whenever he was dealing with me and Scott, he didn't know how to be an addict or what that was about, so what'd he do?
He contacted all of his buddies or his ex-buddies that had been through it, and he went, and he read, and he read, and he read.
He's self-taught, man.
He used to have a problem reading, but he's got it down now.
So, here's a guy that over-prepares for everything.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
As far as I'm concerned, but...
joe rogan
Well, that's also why he started DDP Yoga, right?
unidentified
Yeah, absolutely.
joe rogan
He wanted to figure out a way to heal his body.
jake the snake roberts
To yourself!
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
Now he's sharing it.
joe rogan
Yeah, not just sharing it, but promoting it worldwide.
Have you ever done it?
tony hinchcliffe
No, I haven't.
Well, I mean, I did do a little bit of it years ago.
I found a little bit of it on YouTube.
I never got the actual program, but...
jake the snake roberts
Do the program.
You can make it as easy as you want, or you can make it as difficult.
And that's the beauty of it.
Because you could get somebody like Nimble Nuts over here with a sprained mangina.
His mangina's warped out of shape.
joe rogan
He can't help himself.
It's like the snake when he tries to find the Japanese guy.
unidentified
I can tell.
jake the snake roberts
He just likes playing with round things over there, doesn't he?
The knobs.
He's stroking the knobs.
joe rogan
Unbelievable.
tony hinchcliffe
One of the cool things about DDP Yoga is, you know, you see all those before and after of the physical transitions of people.
But what those pictures don't show is the mental presence that you get.
I mean, I was in Chicago doing gigs a few years ago.
And this was after I got to see your movie when it first premiered.
I actually think it was David Arquette that got me and my...
Because we made friends at the Comedy Store years ago.
He got me and my buddies in on...
You guys had your premiere on Sunset Boulevard at that.
jake the snake roberts
I'll take your word for it.
tony hinchcliffe
Anyway.
So I had already seen the movie, but Scott wasn't at that, and I don't believe you were there either.
jake the snake roberts
I just made the big ones.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
So I was in Chicago doing a gig, and it's one of those morning radio shows that I didn't want to have to do that Friday morning, 6 a.m.
pickup or whatever.
I'd just flown in.
And I almost, I remember I almost called in sick to that radio show.
Because I'm like, I'm doing, you know, I don't want to, I'm just tired.
I don't want to do it.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, your private jet was just slow getting there.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, sure.
The back of a spirit flight.
But I ended up not calling in sick.
I'm like, let's just do it.
Make coffee in the hotel and get to the fucking car.
jake the snake roberts
Because that's what you do.
tony hinchcliffe
Right, exactly.
And as soon as I get there to like man cow in the morning, right?
They're like, You'll never believe who else is in the studio with you.
You're a wrestling fan, right?
I'm like, yeah.
They're like, Scott Hall is also going to be here with you.
I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.
And I remember hoping...
jake the snake roberts
When you brush your teeth...
tony hinchcliffe
I remember hoping, because I had just seen that movie, I'm like, oh man, I hope that...
I hope he's still in good shape and everything.
I hope everything's cool, because I know how hard it is to stay clean as an addict.
And, my God, if he wasn't just, and, you know, you as well here today, it's like, just completely present, not, you can't even tell you've probably had 20,000 concussions in your life, you know?
I mean, just there, looking around, laughing, smiling.
My mind was blown that he was as present, if not more, than a lot of the other...
jake the snake roberts
And available.
tony hinchcliffe
Older, more pro wrestlers that I had met.
You know what I mean?
And people that I had met.
He was in it.
He was being funny.
He's reacting.
jake the snake roberts
Charged in, yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
It was unreal.
jake the snake roberts
Not just doing the job.
tony hinchcliffe
Compared to the guy that gets scooted in on that wheelchair that can't walk.
And when he's first starting with the chairs, you can hear his bones cracking.
unidentified
Yeah, and when you hurt his hip.
jake the snake roberts
It's a wonderful sound, isn't it?
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, man.
jake the snake roberts
I've had two replaced.
The first one sucked.
The second one, man, they went through the front.
That's the way to go.
I went in 7 a.m.
at noon.
I jerked the covers back, told my daughter, hand me my pants or I'm walking out naked.
I put my fucking pants on, put my feet down, and walked straight out.
No cane, no nothing.
joe rogan
Really?
jake the snake roberts
In five hours.
joe rogan
You can do that?
jake the snake roberts
Not supposed to.
The doctor was yelling at me as we were leaving the building.
joe rogan
What was he saying?
jake the snake roberts
You scared me!
joe rogan
Because you could trip and blow the whole thing out, right?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, probably.
But he was walking on a crosswalk to connect the two buildings and I'd already went out the bottom and I was going to the car and he's like beating on the fucking window.
joe rogan
And this is like a full hip replacement where they sever the top of the femur and they put a new joint They screw it.
You ever seen how they do it?
jake the snake roberts
Oh, it's brutal, bro.
Then they drive it in there.
joe rogan
Yeah, there's a goddamn huge bolt that goes in the center of your bone.
It goes right through the bone and screws in place, and then you have this new joint.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, the first one I had was brutal because the whole joint had calcified.
And it took them three and a half hours to get it out.
joe rogan
Oh, God.
jake the snake roberts
And they said they finally went to bring in the big hammer.
They went from the shiny silver hammer to get Claude's fucking sledge out from the truck and bring it on in.
joe rogan
Well, you know how cauliflower ear starts, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Do you know what it is?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, the breaking cartilage.
joe rogan
The blood.
It's blood.
Blood calcifies.
So blood becomes a rock.
It really turns into a rock.
You get that in your nose, and he had that in his joint.
So he basically had rocks in his joint.
jake the snake roberts
Completely calcified.
I've wrestled for three or four years like that.
I'll show you guys and we can come back and talk about it.
What I would do is...
joe rogan
No one can hear you unfortunately we do this Yeah, yeah So you you were putting so much torque in that you were blowing your hip out of socket, so So your left hip took the brunt.
jake the snake roberts
It wouldn't rotate out of socket, but it would bend the femur bone.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Fuck.
jake the snake roberts
I did it for the doctor, and he's like, oh my God, because when I first went and seen the dog, he's like, how'd you get her?
And I said, I drove.
He goes, no, how'd you get to the room?
I'm like, I walked.
He's impossible.
I've seen your x-rays.
There's no way you can walk.
I said, the fuck I can't.
And I showed him, he's like, oh my god!
And he runs out of the room.
I'm like, okay, I know I got cancer.
I'm dying still.
joe rogan
That's the difference between a regular person, though, and a guy like you.
Like, your tolerance for pain is probably through the fucking roof.
You're probably just so accustomed to it.
jake the snake roberts
I don't recognize it.
joe rogan
Yeah, well, obviously with your arm broken when you wanted to keep wrestling.
jake the snake roberts
You don't recognize pain because it's just something that you do.
You know, there were times in my career where people were like, stop!
I'm like, it's okay, I'm alright!
Well, it's a lie because you weren't alright.
It's just the adrenaline's flowing so much and you're so jacked on that shit.
You know, that's the real drug.
Adrenaline.
joe rogan
You alright with that?
Jamie will show you how to do it.
jake the snake roberts
Put your back in this.
I think the tension from this spring trap here will save your life.
joe rogan
Now, when you're doing these traveling shows, you're doing them in comedy clubs?
What are you doing in?
jake the snake roberts
Comedy clubs, bars...
Hotel, convention rooms, whatever.
joe rogan
That's got to be great for you, too, because at the beginning of the film, one of the things that was evident was that you missed the whole excitement of performing.
It was missing from your life.
So now you've got that back, but also healthy and positive and then also helping people.
jake the snake roberts
Absolutely, man.
And that's such a joy to help people, but...
You know, when I first went back, man, because I'd abused myself so much, my memory was shocked.
I couldn't remember shit.
And then as I tell one story, a little glimmer will happen over here.
And then I'll talk to somebody in the crowd and they'll mention it.
I'm like, I didn't wrestle that guy.
The hell you didn't!
And I don't remember wrestling this guy.
I did this with that one.
And they make me remember stuff.
Like I said, now I've got like ten shows waiting.
And at first I had to really struggle to get one show together.
joe rogan
Did you write them all out?
jake the snake roberts
I did in the beginning.
Now I just write bullet points and I can pull them back up, which is so nice to do, you know, because I was at a point, man, with my speech, I wouldn't finish sentences.
I just, you know...
joe rogan
No, I saw in the film you did it with Mick Foley.
Are you doing him with Mick on the road?
jake the snake roberts
No, no, no.
I'm doing good ones now.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, come on.
Mick's great.
jake the snake roberts
Okay, you've never seen my show, have you?
tony hinchcliffe
No, not yet.
jake the snake roberts
Okay, then shut up and get in the car.
joe rogan
I can't wait.
jake the snake roberts
I've seen Mick.
tony hinchcliffe
I opened up for Mick a few years ago and I was amazed.
jake the snake roberts
No, you'll never open for me.
And you'll goddamn sure never close for me.
tony hinchcliffe
How dare you.
How dare you, sir?
jake the snake roberts
If you were a wrestler, I'd say, maybe I can get you on a TV squash match, kid.
joe rogan
What's a squash match?
jake the snake roberts
That's when you just go in and pummel a guy for three minutes and squash him, lay him out on the floor.
He doesn't even get to breathe, you know?
So that was like you'd tell another wrestler, hey, I'll see if I can get you in a squash match.
That'd be like saying, you know, you're a piece of shit, and I'm just going to use you and toss you over in the corner when it's done.
joe rogan
Was that like a rite of passage?
Do you have to do squash matches to get going?
jake the snake roberts
No, a lot of guys don't.
No.
We did back in my day though.
They started you at the bottom and you worked your way up.
Now you got guys that go to schools for three months and they never learn their art.
joe rogan
Well, when you go into school to learn wrestling, this is not something that existed.
It didn't exist.
Is it kind of like school for stand-up?
tony hinchcliffe
Exactly, yeah.
I think it's exactly like that.
joe rogan
There's classes that will teach you stand-up.
And the good thing about it is, at least you start doing it.
Whether or not they're actually teaching you anything is very debatable.
tony hinchcliffe
And the things that they are teaching is all in-ring technique and tosses and slams.
And the thing that us diehard wrestling fans now miss with the product is exactly what you specialized in, which is psychology, cutting promos.
I mean, he once cut a promo, I remember, against Hulk Hogan where you said something like, if you plant grass, grass will grow.
If you plant rice, rice will grow.
And if you plant fear in your opponent's head.
jake the snake roberts
That gets me in trouble sometimes.
I'll tell you the best interview I ever did.
Because back in the day, we'd have to do 70 or 80 interviews.
Back to back.
And the TV guys used to fight over getting me.
Because they knew it was going to be a fucking cakewalk.
Some guys, you know, like the Ultimate Warrior, some of those guys, take 26. Go ahead.
And they'd sit there like pulling fucking teeth.
But for me, my nickname was One Take Jake.
And I'd say, give me something.
They'd throw a word out there and I'd do the whole fucking interview off that word.
Just fucking around.
So I'm there one day, I'm like, oh, I got one, guys.
I got one.
Okay, Jake, what are you gonna do?
Just do it.
And I went...
And they're like, oh, Jake, we're not getting any sound here.
I'm like, motherfucker, did I tell you just to roll it?
Just roll it.
So I do it again, making no sound for like 30 seconds.
And then I went, oh, tell the little boy that's next to you that you're not scared of Jake.
I just made you get up and fix a television that wasn't broken.
Didn't you come to the TV like I said to?
Yeah, you did.
You couldn't fix it.
Tell your wife I said hello.
tony hinchcliffe
Wow.
jake the snake roberts
Chills.
tony hinchcliffe
Chills from head to toe from me.
jake the snake roberts
You're sick fuckers.
joe rogan
Well, also, the life that you were living, you could probably pull those dark thoughts out like other people probably can't.
jake the snake roberts
I'd sit in a bar, man, and write stuff down, you know.
And the next day I'd pick it up and read it and go, oh my God, what the fuck was I thinking?
You know, and it'd just horrify me.
But, yeah, sometimes you pull dark stuff out of bad moments in life, you know.
joe rogan
Well, you had experiences.
I mean, just trying to kill yourself with pills or whatever the fuck you were doing.
I mean, the darkness that you had in your life.
jake the snake roberts
My sister being murdered and shit, and my mother was a 12-year-old girl, and her mother was dating my father.
Her mother was.
My grandmother passed out.
And my father left that bed and went into a 12-year-old little girl's room and raped her.
That's me.
That's how I got started.
And then later in life, my father was raping my sister.
Did not know it.
He raped his other daughter.
Did not know it.
Always heard whispering.
You know?
People whispering and giving him the evil item.
What the fuck's the problem?
Then I'd get in the ring with somebody that knew my dad and they'd beat the fucking shit out of me.
Because they hated him.
Because they'd seen some of the shit that he did.
Do you want to believe that of your own father?
You don't ever want to believe that.
God, you don't want to believe that, do you?
The girl that you met earlier, Cody.
She is the first daughter of mine that I held in my lap.
She was 22. 22. Before I would ever pick up one of my daughters and set them in my lap.
Because I was afraid I'd turn into my father.
I never wanted that.
I wanted to be someone that abused a child because I'd been abused and I knew what that shit was like and I knew what it did to my fucking head.
Getting right and getting sober, learning to talk about it helps a lot.
It makes it better.
You don't cure it.
You know, you never get over it.
But I can deal with it now.
I don't have to go medicate with it right now.
joe rogan
When you're talking to these people that you're also helping, you meet them, that also have these problems, how many of them have also been abused?
jake the snake roberts
A lot.
A lot, man.
You know what it's like to be sitting at a Comic-Con and look out there and there's people in your line and Your eye contact contacts a kid.
You look at the kid and they look at you and you're like, you poor motherfucker, you're going through it too, aren't you?
And I can tell it.
I know that fucking kid's being sexually abused.
You can see it.
And I hate that feeling.
Because then they get up to the front and you're like trying to talk to them and they're like shut down completely.
And then the fucking asshole that's next to them is probably doing the bullshit.
He's wanting my fucking attention, man.
What chance do I have him getting any good attention?
Not much.
I keep going back to the kid.
joe rogan
How can you tell?
jake the snake roberts
You just feel it.
You know it.
You smell it.
You taste it.
You see the fear.
You know?
And you see the way that the dad communicates with them.
And you see their reaction.
They won't look at you with their eyes.
You know?
Really hard to get them to look at you in the eyes, man.
It really is.
I remember I told somebody one time that probably the one thing that helped me in my early life about going through all that sexual abuse and bullshit was I learned how to lie at a very young age.
The reason I learned that a lot is because it helped get me to a safe place.
You know?
I learned to judge people and their attitudes.
You know, I knew what buttons to push and what buttons not to push with my stepmother.
And I knew what was a safe place.
And if there were keywords that come out from her, I knew to fucking go hide.
I had to start reading this shit.
And I had to start coming up with storylines and stuff to get me out of shit so I wouldn't be put in the position to get gotten again.
When you're learning that shit at 12 and 13, brother, you're getting some fucking knowledge.
But it's a motherfucker, man.
You know?
Just to have to go through it.
I don't know, brother.
If there was ever a reason to bring back the big one, gas or bullets or whatever, hang.
I think hanging's perfect for anybody that abuses kids.
Let's make a public fucking hang.
Fuck five years in jail.
Fuck you, motherfucker.
Put you dancing on the end of a rope.
That'd get people's attention.
It might stop some of it.
joe rogan
Yeah, I don't know how to...
What would they do that would stop it completely, but it's...
It's one of the most disturbing characteristics of people that's even possible.
jake the snake roberts
And nobody wants to talk about it.
joe rogan
Nobody wants to talk about it.
jake the snake roberts
The kid damn sure don't.
Because here's what happens to the kid nine times out of ten.
They raise their head and they say something.
Then this group comes in.
This group comes in.
Cops come in.
They say this, that, this, that.
Well, he's probably just exaggerating.
This, that, this, that.
You have to go home with them.
Oh, fuck no!
You can't put that kid back in that house.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
What chances do you have now?
joe rogan
Right.
tony hinchcliffe
Or you end up in an orphanage where...
jake the snake roberts
You're getting raped again.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Who wants to volunteer at an orphanage more than a predator.
joe rogan
And that's the problem is a lot of kids that get abused like that wind up abusing other kids.
jake the snake roberts
Absolutely.
It's what you're taught.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Sanduskia, that whole charity for kids.
It was his whole thing.
jake the snake roberts
It was his nut, man.
I'm going to open up an abused children's home.
That way I'll know where to go get one.
joe rogan
We also knew that the kids were damaged and they would be used to it.
jake the snake roberts
You know, what we call love, it can be an ugly thing.
Sometimes a kid looks to get his ass kicked because that's the only type of love he knows.
joe rogan
That's true.
You're a powerful man to have gone through all this and to be able to express it so honestly to everybody.
I mean, that is an amazing thing because The pain of your experiences has not stopped you from expressing all of the downsides of it, but also that you've come out of it on the other end in a very positive way.
I mean, you're a great guy to be around.
You're funny as shit.
You have amazing stories, and you're clean now.
You're clean and healthy.
jake the snake roberts
I'm funny in a room like this because there's not any competition.
Come on, Joe.
Just me and you.
Where do you go from here, you know?
Lapdog27.
No, uh...
joe rogan
It's amazing, man.
It really is.
jake the snake roberts
I just want to help somebody else not feel what I felt.
unidentified
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
Because I don't want them to have to do the things that I did to quit feeling it.
Because I'll tell you, man, it's a whole lot easier to pick up cocaine and forget about it than it is to go through counseling, go through this, go through reliving it 25 fucking times.
You know, you go into counseling and they say, okay, tell us exactly how it happened.
Do I really fucking want to do that?
unidentified
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Why do you want me to do that?
So you can sit over there and jack off what?
What's your nut on this?
Because that's what we're thinking.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Why do you want me to remember it?
I want to fucking forget it.
Tell me how to forget it.
unidentified
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Don't tell me how to remember it.
I got it down.
joe rogan
What was ultimately the thing that allowed you to stay clean?
When you had faltered five or six times, whatever it was, what was ultimately the thing that allowed you to get past all this and just embrace sobriety and being healthy?
jake the snake roberts
I think it was just realizing that I wasn't going to fail this time.
And that came from Dallas not giving up on me.
See, I was scared that he was going to give up on me.
joe rogan
So it's almost like you were failing so that he would give up on you.
jake the snake roberts
So I could get that over with.
unidentified
Right.
jake the snake roberts
I know it's going to hurt, but God damn it, I can't deal with this thought of how much it's going to hurt.
I'd rather it hurt right now, and you kick me out, and then I can go over here and get something that'll make me forget about this bullshit.
joe rogan
So it's always hanging over your head that you're going to fuck up.
jake the snake roberts
And finally, when I realized, no matter how many times I fucked up, this son of a bitch is going to be there.
And again, man, three years.
I don't want to live with me for three years.
Much less you, dude.
joe rogan
I texted him last night.
What I texted him is that he's a saint.
After I watched that documentary, I'm like, dude, you're a saint.
jake the snake roberts
He just wants to help people, man.
And, you know, I'm not going to sit here and hard sell this product, man.
But DDP yogurt, let's see.
Body, end your mind.
He's going to have you eat good food.
Diet?
There ain't no fucking diet.
All we ask you to do is not eat certain shit.
This, by the way, shit.
He's just asking you to step off of gluten and step off dairy.
Okay, what's the problem with that?
Cheese.
Okay, you want cheese?
You can have cheese.
You can have sheep cheese and goat cheese because it don't fuck you up like cow cheese does.
joe rogan
Well, if you look at how healthy the guy is in his 60s, and how flexible he is, and how mobile he is, and with a fucked up back.
jake the snake roberts
I want a chick just like him.
joe rogan
His back is fucked up, but he can do everything.
And it's just because his muscles are so strong all around his back, it's completely supported.
jake the snake roberts
It's the old story of, you know, if you don't use it, you'll lose.
Right, yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
From listening to him on your podcast, he talked about how he does an extreme 10-minute stretching to start his day, and I've really, really put that into action.
jake the snake roberts
This fucker picks up stuff from animals.
He'll say, now watch this dog in the morning first fucking gets up.
What does the dog do?
joe rogan
Stretch.
jake the snake roberts
He gets those paws out in front of him and arcs that back.
Then you watch Dallas do his fucking workout.
Wait a fucking minute.
I've seen that move a minute.
Downward dog.
And then you're doing the arch in the back like a fucking cat.
What the fuck?
You cheating bastard.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
He's a smart man.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, he is.
joe rogan
He's a powerful man, too.
I mean, just what he has in his head in terms of his vision for helping people and how he's able to see that through, having that accountability crib and putting everybody through these workouts on a daily basis.
I mean, the amount of time invested in helping you guys is fucking amazing.
And not just you guys, but many, many, many, many people.
jake the snake roberts
My only fear is he's not going to get out there Oh, he's getting out there.
joe rogan
Look, we're helping him.
jake the snake roberts
There's a whole other world that doesn't know him.
joe rogan
People are knowing about him more and more.
unidentified
Oh, I know.
jake the snake roberts
He really appreciates your show and what it did for him, man.
He said he just fucking rocked his fucking world.
tony hinchcliffe
Because it's feeding that buzz.
I mean, it's feeding his...
jake the snake roberts
Keep going, keep going.
tony hinchcliffe
It really is true.
Doing something nice makes you feel good.
It doesn't really get talked about enough.
jake the snake roberts
It doesn't, man.
There's not a good news channel.
Why not?
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
No, you're right.
unidentified
Fuck you.
jake the snake roberts
I don't want to see happy shit.
You know, right?
joe rogan
There's a lot of that.
Well, you know, people are scared.
They like watching fear-based things.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
Because, you know, if it bleeds, it leads.
jake the snake roberts
And guess what?
If you're hurting, I don't feel so bad.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Well, I think the problem is even calling it news.
You know, it's events.
But news is almost always negative.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's all, you know, even calling it the news.
Like, what does that mean?
News?
What's news?
This shit happened hours ago.
It's not news.
This is just events.
It's like the show is events.
But what Dallas is doing is showing people that there's another path.
In his yoga program and just how positive and energetic the guy is.
It's contagious.
You know, and having him on the podcast, man, the number of fucking messages that I got afterwards of how many people have benefited and how many people started taking his program and started taking his yoga or any yoga and cleaning up their life and just inspired by it.
It's amazing.
You know, that makes me very happy.
When I can help a guy spread that kind of word, that makes me very happy.
jake the snake roberts
I mean, I just want to get out there.
I've chosen this platform of doing these shows in buildings.
You know, because it wouldn't do me any good to be in a building where there's 5,000 people because I can't spend time with each one of you.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
But if it's 100 or 150 in a comedy club, there's going to be 5 or 10 people that want to talk about 150. I got time for that.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
If it was 5,000, I'd be overwhelmed.
Not because of the show, because the show's easy.
It's just fucking memories I pull out and had some jingle to it and twirl it around, you know, say a couple of cute things and I'm done.
joe rogan
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
But getting to them, that's the deal.
That's my nut.
That's where I want it.
You know when it's been a good show, when I go and talk to a couple of people and I can go back to the hotel room and just like...
joe rogan
Which is basically the opposite of how you would go back to a hotel room when you were wrestling.
Yeah.
jake the snake roberts
Because I want to forget now.
joe rogan
Right.
jake the snake roberts
Now I'm doing shit that I don't have to forget about.
joe rogan
And you can go back and chill.
jake the snake roberts
I can go back and smile, man.
joe rogan
That's beautiful.
jake the snake roberts
Now I'm getting the chance, you know, I'm hoping that, you know...
I've had enough miracles happen to me in the past four years to believe that there's still one more miracle left for me.
And I hope to hell I meet her soon.
Because I don't want to be alone anymore, man.
You see, I did something stupid, man.
I'm going to tell you guys.
A lot of you guys listening are going to say, come on, Jake, you're killing my buzz, man.
Well, maybe I am, man.
But I'm going to tell you something, guys.
A woman's a great thing to have.
But you can't have too much.
You can have too many.
I know.
I experienced that.
I went from a small-town kid in Gainesville, Texas, where if you got laid twice a month by two different girls, you're a stud.
You know?
You're the man.
And the double standards that we have for women, that if a woman goes out and gets laid, she's not a stud.
She's a whore!
What the fuck's wrong with that?
It's us.
Well, Jake went from small town to bigger city.
Star.
Oh my God, you name the price.
You make it nice.
Hey girl, why don't you and your girlfriend come do a little show for me.
Use this toy, that toy, this toy.
Bring in the donkey.
Here comes the clown.
Because that's what it got to.
It was never enough.
It had to be one more idea, one more goofy thing to do with a girl, or one more sexual position, or how many can you do in one night?
tony hinchcliffe
What'd you do with a donkey?
joe rogan
It's a joke, bro.
jake the snake roberts
We're friends.
We have dicks that are like, anyway.
But, other words, I fucked till I couldn't fuck no more.
Because now I got a problem.
What's the problem?
It takes some pretty weird shit to get my fucking brain busy again.
I went from having that diva at home, that foxy, hot, most I could ever want, to having to give myself shots of fucking testosterone so I can pray to get a heart on for her.
Because there's not all this outside stuff going into the night.
Are you fucking kidding me?
You can't get your dick hard for this hot motherfucker over here that will do anything for you to love you?
Everything?
joe rogan
But it's also had to probably have to do with all the years of doing steroids.
I mean, well, your body doesn't produce testosterone the same anymore if you do years of steroids.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, well, I can still get the wood, man.
He brought the donkey and this fucking wood all day long.
joe rogan
Well, that's the extreme excitement, but that might be part of the issue.
jake the snake roberts
The excitement was...
Having a door, you can make them do anything you want.
joe rogan
Right.
That's the kink.
jake the snake roberts
That's not healthy.
joe rogan
Right.
That's the kink.
jake the snake roberts
That's very unhealthy.
unidentified
Right.
jake the snake roberts
That is the kink.
Exactly.
Exactly.
unidentified
Power.
joe rogan
So you got two into the kink and then regular stuff wasn't stimulating enough for you.
jake the snake roberts
Could not get me happy.
I mean, you know, it's the old joke about the couple that are in bed going, what's wrong, honey?
You can't fuck anybody else either?
Fuck, you know.
You're trying to think of somebody to get your shit going.
She's trying to think of somebody to get her shit going.
You're both living a fucking lie.
But I had to abstain from sex for several years to get the fire back.
The fire is back.
Nobody wants to put it out.
joe rogan
You can find a gal.
Ladies out there.
jake the snake roberts
I don't want a gal.
joe rogan
I want a woman.
He's available.
Women.
Not girls.
Girls, stay home.
tony hinchcliffe
Women.
joe rogan
Life experience.
tony hinchcliffe
I'm going to hook you up on a date with my mom.
If I can get Jake the Snake to be my stepdad, my life's complete.
jake the snake roberts
If her penis is bigger than yours, I'll take her.
tony hinchcliffe
Probably is.
Okay.
And she has a pet donkey.
jake the snake roberts
Alright!
Bring in the clowns.
Bring in the clowns.
We're going to fix that back in one moment.
joe rogan
You want any dating apps or anything?
jake the snake roberts
No problem.
I don't do that shit.
joe rogan
You don't do that shit?
jake the snake roberts
I don't want to, man.
I want an old-fashioned girl in an old-fashioned way.
joe rogan
You just put it out there in the universe right now to millions of people.
So, what's going to happen is, at your shows...
jake the snake roberts
I'm going to get a lot of bullshit that I don't want.
joe rogan
No, there's going to be these gals that think, I'm the one.
They're dolling their hair up right now.
tony hinchcliffe
Yep.
joe rogan
Listening to this podcast right now.
There's girls in the mirror right now with a blow dryer and a brush, and they're getting ready for Jake the Snake.
tony hinchcliffe
You on Instagram?
joe rogan
Zaney's in Nashville.
tony hinchcliffe
You got to check those DMs.
We got to teach you how to check your inbox.
joe rogan
Yeah, do you check your inbox?
jake the snake roberts
I don't check an inbox, no.
joe rogan
You got to be careful with the ones with the numbers after their names.
Most of those bitches are fake.
If you go to their pages and there's only two photos and none of them have any text in them, don't get suckered.
Don't get fished.
Have you ever been fished?
They catfish you.
You've got to be real careful.
They're trying to fuck with you.
They're trying to get money.
They're from Nigeria.
We'll help you, bro.
jake the snake roberts
Why do I not feel comfortable?
joe rogan
Where do people find your gigs?
We're going to send this out there.
jake the snake roberts
To all the women.
joe rogan
Actual women.
jake the snake roberts
You know, social media, man.
joe rogan
JakeTheSnakeDDT on Instagram.
And do you have a website?
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, I've got a website, man.
JakeTheSnakeRoberts.com.
joe rogan
JakeTheSnakeRoberts.com.
Is there a contact thing on there?
jake the snake roberts
At JakeTheSnakeRoberts.com.
joe rogan
Prepare yourself for photographs.
jake the snake roberts
Just know that my daughter will read them first.
joe rogan
Okay.
Settle down, ladies.
jake the snake roberts
So send pictures.
She doesn't read well, but she likes to look at pictures.
joe rogan
There it is, all bookings.
jake the snake roberts
There we go.
joe rogan
She's the best, man.
jake the snake roberts
She's the best.
joe rogan
All right, brother.
Listen, this is an awesome podcast.
I really appreciate you coming in here.
Your film is fucking fantastic.
jake the snake roberts
Thank you.
joe rogan
It's the resurrection of Jake the Snake.
It's fucking excellent.
Diamond Dallas Page.
jake the snake roberts
You mean the first hours up?
joe rogan
We just did two hours and 20 minutes.
jake the snake roberts
Are you kidding me?
joe rogan
Yeah, flew by.
jake the snake roberts
It goes fast when somebody's sucking your dick.
Thanks, by the way.
tony hinchcliffe
Of course.
You're the man.
joe rogan
Shout out to Dallas.
He's a fucking amazing human being.
Young Tony Hinchcliffe, tell people where you're going to be next.
tony hinchcliffe
Dallas, New Year's Eve.
I'm going to be in Baltimore.
unidentified
Where are you at?
joe rogan
Addison?
tony hinchcliffe
I'm doing Hyenas again.
Just did 11 packed shows in Texas.
Four Kill Tonys and five stand-up shows this week.
And we're doing Dallas New Year's Eve.
Me and Jeremiah Watkins featuring for me two shows in one night.
Baltimore at the Goobies at the end of November.
And those dates for England are coming up on my website probably at the end of this week.
jake the snake roberts
Maybe someday, you and I, You gotta do a gig together.
Can be in the same town.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh.
jake the snake roberts
And me doing a good show and you have him somewhere else.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, absolutely.
He's got it.
joe rogan
And on a positive note, he's a bad guy.
tony hinchcliffe
This guy, he's got it.
joe rogan
This is how it goes.
jake the snake roberts
Yeah, I got it.
I got it.
Yeah, no, I'd like to hang out with you, man.
tony hinchcliffe
No, yeah, we will.
jake the snake roberts
I'd like some help because I do want to do some movies out there.
Remember that?
Not just porn.
tony hinchcliffe
And I have a wrestling podcast I have to get you on.
We do it at the Comedy Store.
jake the snake roberts
We'll do it, man, because I'm trying to get a deal with a club there in Vegas, man, because I'd like to do the whole residency thing.
joe rogan
Beautiful.
jake the snake roberts
And then have a podcast live right there in the building.
joe rogan
Listen, man, we'll help you.
I'll help you promote it.
jake the snake roberts
I'd love to, man.
joe rogan
Fuck yeah, we'll put it on Twitter and Instagram, the whole deal.
jake the snake roberts
Well, y'all need to buy a hotel first and put me into that fucking hotel doing my podcast.
joe rogan
Well, again, we're putting it out into the universe, ladies and gentlemen.
jake the snake roberts
Bring it to us.
joe rogan
Let's see where it comes.
Thank you, sir.
jake the snake roberts
Thank you so much.
So much, man.
joe rogan
Tony Hinchcliffe, ladies and gentlemen.
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