Aug. 31, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:44:32
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Four, three, two, one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yee-haw! | |
| Tom Papa! | ||
| We're just talking about moving into the woods together. | ||
| This feels so good. | ||
| A little tiny house with three pairs of shoes, three pairs of pants. | ||
| Maybe two. | ||
| Some shirts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| The last clothing you'll ever buy. | ||
| One coat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody's just out here. | ||
| Chasing bigger and better, Tom Popo. | ||
| Just why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm starting to wonder. | ||
| I was telling you guys that I was looking at this house that's for sale in Northern California in the Redwoods. | ||
| It's 320 feet square. | ||
| Tiny ass fucking house. | ||
| The whole house. | ||
| It's got a loft. | ||
| The loft is where you sleep in. | ||
| A tiny home. | ||
| The tiny thing below it is like a little tiny kitchen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a little tiny like couch area. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Like a houseboat like with like built-in things. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of like a houseboat. | ||
| Cubbies. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They make those now. | ||
| Think about how simple your life would be. | ||
| It would be, but would you be content? | ||
| That's very small. | ||
| You'd be great for a little while. | ||
| That's very small. | ||
| 360. Yeah, that's... | ||
| I want a shower. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Look at that little tiny house. | ||
| That's three... | ||
| No, come on. | ||
| That's... | ||
| That's not the one, is it? | ||
| That's bigger than that. | ||
| That's 1,000 square feet. | ||
| 320 foot. | ||
| It says 320 foot tiny cabin in Big Bear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's in Big Bear. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's attainable. | ||
| That's bigger than we need. | ||
| Is that still for sale? | ||
| Hold this video. | ||
| Let's chip in today. | ||
| Got put up last year. | ||
| 320 foot tiny cabin in Big Bear. | ||
| Amazing small house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Aww. | ||
| You know what we should do, Jamie? | ||
| So simple. | ||
| We should buy that place and turn it into our Big Bear studio. | ||
| That's what we should do. | ||
| Do fucking show. | ||
| I bet the show's up there. | ||
| I bet if we did a show in Big Bear in the woods like that, it would have a totally different feel to it. | ||
| Yeah, because you'd be hearing your guests screaming in the background being mauled by mountain lions. | ||
| But if you did do a show up there, how the fuck would you convince people to drive two hours? | ||
| Couldn't we get people that are training up there or something like that? | ||
| Maybe they could pop over? | ||
| Yeah, you get like four guys. | ||
| Gennady Golovkin and Tito Ortiz would come over every day. | ||
| And then you'd be like, okay, I get it. | ||
| You ate Chuck Liddell. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Canelo's a pussy. | ||
| I get it! | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, the fantasy is that that becomes a simple life. | ||
| You pare down everything, all the aggravation. | ||
| You get maybe two bills come to the house. | ||
| I'll tell you what. | ||
| Would you go crazy? | ||
| If I didn't have a family, it wouldn't be a problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If it was just single Joe, no family, no kids, it wouldn't be a problem. | ||
| I would just go... | ||
| I mean, I really probably think I would already have a place like that up there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Where I could just go and chill. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just think... | ||
| I was thinking of just a little place like that, like a little hideout next to the house, like Mark Twain had. | ||
| Did he have a place like that next to his house? | ||
| He had a little octagon kind of a room, and he would leave his house with his daughters and his wife, and he would go up the steps and go into his little thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And on this table was just his pipe, a box of cigars, his writing pads, His pens. | ||
| And he just would hang out there and smoke all day and work. | ||
| And then he would go back home. | ||
| Maybe that's enough. | ||
| Maybe that cuts the edge off. | ||
| It gives you your isolation and your simplicity. | ||
| And then you return back to the people you have to feed. | ||
| It's a little something. | ||
| That'll work if you've got the people you have to feed. | ||
| If you don't have the people you have to feed, straight woods, bro. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Caught a path. | ||
| Well, that's going to be the real trick. | ||
| When the kids leave, when they get big enough and they take off, and it's just down to you and your wife. | ||
| And then the wife wants to get like five dogs. | ||
| She's probably like encouraging you to go get a cabin. | ||
| Get another dog. | ||
| Let's get another dog. | ||
| I love dogs. | ||
| Let's rescue a dog. | ||
| Let's adopt a kid. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They want to keep you tethered. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Tethered to little things. | ||
| They're the nester. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| They're the nest. | ||
| If the nest is empty, that's their job. | ||
| They build that nest, want everyone in that nest safe, and that's what they're built to do. | ||
| Do you ever see women that have a bunch of dogs, and you go, like, you know you want a kid, right? | ||
| You know you want... | ||
| I just don't have the time for a kid. | ||
| How much time have you spent on these fucking dogs? | ||
| It's probably pretty close. | ||
| No, it's just me and my fluffy babies. | ||
| I'm a dog mom. | ||
| I'm just fluffy babies. | ||
| But what is it about people that want to further complicate their lives? | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Why does everybody always want big... | ||
| Is that just a part of the... | ||
| The genes, is that what it is? | ||
| Like, what is it? | ||
| Well, we have, I think, a drive in us to always do more, explore more, push more, right? | ||
| There's something built into human beings that have that. | ||
| And then we have a system that rewards that in capitalism. | ||
| So that's the board game that we're all playing. | ||
| So it keeps you racing to get more stuff and bigger house and more things. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| If that didn't exist, if you weren't able to accumulate that stuff, what would we be doing? | ||
| We'd still be striving, but for other stuff. | ||
| But this is our reality, so it manifests itself in more cars, a bigger house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fiber optics. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You're always trying to survive, but surviving is not that hard today. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| So you try to instead, you know, because it's not too complicated to go find your food. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's not a lot of, like, puzzles and challenges. | ||
| Shelters taken care of. | ||
| So you start thinking, you know what? | ||
| I just need a new car. | ||
| This car is two years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This car's got 20,000 miles on it. | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Why am I driving a car with 20,000 miles on it? | ||
| It smells like my farts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it makes you... | ||
| Yeah, you just keep going. | ||
| But then I think you do that long enough, you start to realize, hopefully, that that stuff doesn't really make you happier. | ||
| It does to an extent. | ||
| Like, when you get out of your poor days and you kind of, like, get above water and you help your family out and you get some stuff you're proud of... | ||
| But then you just start adding more stress. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because your bigger bills and bigger taxes and all this stuff you've got to fill up, it actually does the opposite. | ||
| It makes you more stressed. | ||
| You're not as happy. | ||
| And then you've got to kind of strike that balance. | ||
| It seems like it's... | ||
| Jim Carrey's been on this kick, explaining that to people. | ||
| Because, you know, Jim Carrey said, I'm paraphrasing him, but basically his quote was, I wish everybody would get rich and famous and they would see that that's not what makes you happy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because, you know, people think that, hey, if I was rich and famous, I would be happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he said, I wish that everyone would get rich and famous so they'd realize that that's not the answer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What does he say is the answer? | ||
| He likes to make paintings shitting on people, mocking them. | ||
| That seems to make him happy. | ||
| Oh, is that his art? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know he paints. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I'm like, hey, wait a minute. | ||
| Where's the piece in love, bro? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| It's aggressive? | ||
| His paintings are all like shitting on people and mocking people that are clearly assholes. | ||
| But I mean, it's not like he's like trying to accentuate the love in the world. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's just shitting all over these bad people. | ||
| That makes him happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| Is that good? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it good to focus on the bad people? | ||
| Like, does anybody change their opinion based on Jim Carrey's art? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was like a big Jeff Sessions fan. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Until I saw these paintings. | ||
| And then, yeah. | ||
| When Jim Carrey's got them with a giant fucking wart-covered dick, holding it out in front of him, jizzing all over the Constitution. | ||
| This little Yoda head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I don't know. | |
| That's always a question. | ||
| It's like how much of art that rails against something Is it effective in changing that thing that you're railing against? | ||
| Does it actually have an impact? | ||
| Is it a slow impact? | ||
| Does it change over time? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It depends on the art. | ||
| Here's an example. | ||
| I think Tina Fey legitimately changed the way people feel about Sarah Palin. | ||
| I think she legitimately may have affected... | ||
| The way people were willing to accept Sarah Palin or vote for her. | ||
| Because her impression of her was so brilliant. | ||
| I don't know if people remember it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was so goddamn good. | ||
| She looked exactly like her. | ||
| She looked like her. | ||
| Her attitude. | ||
| And she said things that people eventually attributed to Sarah Palin because they thought that Sarah Palin actually said it because Tina Fey said it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She fucking nailed it. | ||
| Dude, she's so funny. | ||
| Her show, Kimmy Schmidt, have you seen that show? | ||
| Yeah, a couple of them. | ||
| It's one of my favorite shows. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's Tina Fey's show. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| She's in it sometimes. | ||
| She plays a... | ||
| The lead is great, but just optimistic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at her. | |
| I mean, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Right now, the audio folks, we're looking at an image of Tina Fey as Sarah Palin right next to Sarah Palin. | ||
| And it's fucking indistinguishable almost. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But do you think she affected people who already liked Sarah Palin? | ||
| If you like Sarah Palin, you don't know what you like. | ||
| You're out of your fucking mind. | ||
| Those people like Sarah Palin, they were out of their fucking minds. | ||
| I mean, they're basically working with a less than functional brain. | ||
| If you thought that that was a good idea, that that lady could be running things. | ||
| Yeah, like that close to being president. | ||
| She was a construct, too, you know. | ||
| She was an entertainer. | ||
| But, I mean, Sarah Palin was a construct. | ||
| She wasn't what everybody thought she was. | ||
| Like, there was one... | ||
| There's a story. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| Not 100% sure this is true, but it makes sense. | ||
| That someone shot a caribou, and then they drove her to the caribou, they gave her the rifle, and she stood over the caribou and took photos. | ||
| So that they could show, hey, she's a hunter! | ||
| She's like us, us regular folk, out here hunting caribou. | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| Just a public relations kind of thing? | ||
| We need to Google if that's true. | ||
| Clarification. | ||
| I believe it, you know? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| You know, that's the way all that stuff is. | ||
| Do I believe it because I want to believe it? | ||
| Am I an asshole? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe she's a good down-home woman. | |
| Yeah, hey, look, she was the governor of Alaska. | ||
| That's easy. | ||
| I could be the governor of Alaska, too. | ||
| She had showbiz. | ||
| Okay, Sarah Palin shoots caribou after missing five times. | ||
| Shown shooting caribou on the latest episode of a reality television show. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What's amazing is how she really fell off. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Is she just shooting it freehand? | ||
| She doesn't have a rest? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Why would you do that? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, let me see. | ||
| Let's show this. | ||
| Let me see how she does. | ||
| Okay, this is fucking stupid. | ||
| Listen, folks. | ||
| The only reason to do this... | ||
| Does she have a rest? | ||
| She's freehanding this. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Look, they got the packs on it. | ||
| Now she's gonna rest it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| They said I rest for her. | ||
| Tiny little caribou, too. | ||
| That's why the caribou's still around. | ||
| She's just firing. | ||
| That's a juvenile caribou. | ||
| No, she hasn't shot yet. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| I think she has. | ||
| Oh, it went down. | ||
| She took some shots. | ||
| Oh, she took some shots and missed? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, that's why. | ||
| So she free-handed it first, and then she needed a rest. | ||
| She should have used a rest immediately. | ||
| And I've shot animals free-handing, but never far away. | ||
| I shot a moose at 60 yards free-handed. | ||
| What's wrong with free-handing it? | ||
| Because you're not as accurate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, with a bow... | ||
| Well, a bow is more accurate. | ||
| Honestly, a bow, I'm more accurate with a bow at like 60, 70 yards freehand. | ||
| Not more accurate, but in the range than I am with a rifle. | ||
| With a rifle, when you get out, you could shoot accurately on a rest, like way out longer distances. | ||
| But when you're just holding it up like that, it's based on, I mean, you've got to kind of lock it into your body, but it's hard to keep it steady. | ||
| But isn't a bow? | ||
| No, a bow, the thing is about the tension of the bow. | ||
| Your arm is kind of locked out and the tension of the bow, you could keep your arm pretty fucking steady. | ||
| And I practice it every day like that. | ||
| So I'm practicing keeping my arm very steady every day. | ||
| So all these stabilizer muscles in my shoulder are very strong. | ||
| And having a gun out there is just like... | ||
| It's just a little... | ||
| And also there's like the recoil. | ||
| If you're not used to shooting and it doesn't look like she's used to shooting, she didn't immediately go for the rest. | ||
| Like a seasoned hunter would have either lane prone or throw their pack down, immediately put that rifle over it and settle in. | ||
| So the rifle's resting on something. | ||
| Gotcha. | ||
| You know, but a lot of times they'll bring, like, sticks. | ||
| A pod. | ||
| They also weren't making a reality show for TLC. See, but see, what I've read, though, that there was a photo shoot they did. | ||
| See if you can find this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This shot's fake. | |
| Do you think that the... | ||
| Well, I think it's fake. | ||
| Well, they just put a circle around the caribou. | ||
| Yeah, but that's just for the filming. | ||
| The caribou definitely went down. | ||
| What, somebody? | ||
| Yeah, but, I mean, I don't think... | ||
| She shot it and it went down. | ||
| I think it's most likely she shot it and it went down. | ||
| Because you see the way she's reacting and everybody else is reacting. | ||
| That seems pretty real to me. | ||
| It's not impossible to shoot an animal. | ||
| Especially, that's a juvenile caribou. | ||
| See how little their antlers are? | ||
| He's like, hey guys, what are you doing? | ||
| That's what you would call, like if that was an elk, you would call that a spike. | ||
| Hey look, it's people! | ||
| I'm just thinking about the production here. | ||
| There's one camera on her, and then there's one behind them, but that means that they then have a third that's focused just on the animal, and then it means there's three camera guys out there with them. | ||
| That just sounds like a lot. | ||
| Yeah, and the caribou's like, hey, I'm going to be on TV. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| They might have recreated the... | ||
| It's a good point. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| The reality is whenever you're dealing with air quote reality shows, there's massive fuckery involved. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And editing and please. | ||
| But back to whether you could affect it, whether or not the art can affect what you think of people. | ||
| I think that affects it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, what Trump did during the election, he liked calling people out and mocking them. | ||
| Yeah, but is that art? | ||
| No, it's not art, but he was kind of like a Long Island comedian, like an insult comic. | ||
| He was just going after these guys, Crazy Ted and Little Water Guy. | ||
| I mean, he was doing an act. | ||
| It was very much entertainment. | ||
| The Lion Ted... | ||
| Crazy Hillary, Crazy Bernie, no. | ||
| Crooked Hillary. | ||
| Crooked Hillary and Crazy Bernie. | ||
| He's going to defend Teddy, he said, at a big rally. | ||
| Defend him? | ||
| Yeah, he's... | ||
| For what? | ||
| For the Texas thing he's in. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| I'll pull it up right now. | ||
| Pocahontas? | ||
| Yeah, he's in a race right now with... | ||
| I forget the guy's name. | ||
| It's Betty O'Rourke or Patty O'Rourke. | ||
| No, I'll pull it up. | ||
| Okay, so he's defending him in what way? | ||
| He's going to hold a big rally for him. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Pocahontas. | ||
| How gross is that after they talk so much shit about each other? | ||
| Who, Cruz? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that what he said? | ||
| Yeah, after he says his father killed Kennedy or something. | ||
| He said his father was a Zodiac killer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll be doing a major rally for Senator Ted Cruz in October. | ||
| I'm picking the biggest stadium in Texas we can find. | ||
| As you know, Ted has my complete and total endorsement. | ||
| I like how he wrote endorsement with a capital E. His opponent is a disaster for Texas. | ||
| Weak on Second Amendment, crime, borders, military, and vets. | ||
| There was an article yesterday showing all the times that Trump has been lying. | ||
| It's stunning. | ||
| But one of the more recent ones was he was... | ||
| You know, he did an interview where he was talking about... | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Lester Holt. | ||
| Lester Holt. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It was Lester Holt. | ||
| And he was saying that they fudged that interview and it cost them badly. | ||
| And so then they played the transcript. | ||
| They showed the transcript of the interview. | ||
| They released the full interview. | ||
| There's no fudging. | ||
| No, they just played it as is. | ||
| Yeah, like, what are you talking about? | ||
| But he says stuff like that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he says, what you saw is not real. | ||
| The truth is not the truth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that was what Giuliani said. | ||
| Nothing's real except what I tell you is real. | ||
| I just think that they've realized that there's a certain percentage of the people that are with them that just need some wiggle room. | ||
| They just need somewhere to argue. | ||
| They just need some conspiracy threat. | ||
| They're not thinkers. | ||
| They just need a little bit of something that they could run with and use to argue. | ||
| So if comedians come out and attack Trump and, you know, there's comics that are, you know, Bill Maher and all these people that come out and really go against him, does it have any effect? | ||
| It has an effect. | ||
| It does? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I think Alec Baldwin has the most effect. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| That impression that he does. | ||
| When he does the impression of him. | ||
| That impression's brilliant. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| I mean, it makes Trump angry, too. | ||
| Trump keeps shitting on him. | ||
| And he keeps watching it. | ||
| He can't stop watching it. | ||
| That alone has an effect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's like, I've never seen a time where people are more angry at the press and like going along with the conspiracy thread of the deep state. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The deep state trying to take out the POTUS. I love how they call them POTUS too. | ||
| It's fucking Donald Trump! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop! | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| POTUS is this and that. | ||
| He's going to do this and clean the swamp. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| It's Donald Trump. | ||
| Why are you saying POTUS? If you want to say Trump, that's fine. | ||
| If you want to say President Trump, that's fine too. | ||
| If you want to call him POTUS, you're doing some sneaky shit there. | ||
| I'm not sure what you're doing, but I don't like it. | ||
| Anytime you use code words, I'm out. | ||
| I don't like what you're doing there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Agent 99. POTUS. Get out of here with POTUS. You and the POTUS. I like how he wears a hat that says 45 on it. | ||
| That's me. | ||
| 45th president. | ||
| He had his own hats made. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who the fuck... | |
| What other president has had hats made? | ||
| I know. | ||
| He has merch. | ||
| He's selling merch after the show. | ||
| I'm going to be signing in the lobby. | ||
| I'll be signing stuff in the lobby. | ||
| I got painters caps, bumper stickers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| Looking for a gift? | ||
| Is this the Trump... | ||
| This is a good way to get assaulted. | ||
| If you just wear one of these in a vegan restaurant, you're sure to get punched. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That guy's gonna get indicted. | ||
| That guy that pulled the hat off of some kids and threw a drink on them. | ||
| Whataburger, is that what it was? | ||
| The guy in Texas? | ||
| Yeah, some dude saw some... | ||
| There, he's got the 45 hats. | ||
| Hilarious. | ||
| Official. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's only $185. | |
| $50,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buy it, stupid. | |
| One of a kind. | ||
| It's on sale. | ||
| It used to be $28. | ||
| Now it's $16.80. | ||
| You can get my DVD. You can get a digital download of my speech tonight. | ||
| How do you go from $28 to $16.80? | ||
| Like, I want to be in the room with that conversation. | ||
| Like, what do you want to charge? | ||
| $17.38. | ||
| No. | ||
| Less. | ||
| I'll tell you. | ||
| $16.90. | ||
| Nah, too close to $17. | ||
| This one's $40. | ||
| $40? | ||
| Oh, it just says USA. It must be a good seller. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People love USA. Trump in the back. | |
| That is fucking hilarious. | ||
| $45 on the side, Trump in the back. | ||
| $40 for a hat. | ||
| If they find that you bought that, they put you on a very special list of morons. | ||
| That they count on whenever there's a rally. | ||
| Like if they're gonna like have a fake Hillary in a jail cell and they're gonna throw her through a parade, you know, like have her on a cart and carry her through a parade. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| You don't want President Pence. | ||
| Listen, you know, I mean, people that are not happy with Trump, you gotta understand, you get him out, it's not like you get Hillary in. | ||
| This doesn't work that way. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Bernie doesn't come in out of the hallway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Wouldn't you rather have Pence? | ||
| I know people say that, but I just want someone normal. | ||
| I want someone that... | ||
| Oh, Pence is not normal. | ||
| Did you see what Ben Shapiro wrote? | ||
| He put a tweet up with a picture of the lady from The Handmaid's Tale when Trump was in deep trouble, and he wrote, prepare for Pence. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| He's a fucking legit religious nut. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Over the top, won't be alone in a room with a woman. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about Romney? | ||
| Remember Romney? | ||
| I just saw him on Jay Leno's show. | ||
| He seems like a reasonable guy. | ||
| He looks very presidential. | ||
| He's got cool president hair. | ||
| I gotta be honest. | ||
| Romney seems like a reasonable man. | ||
| He seems kind. | ||
| He seems like he respects morals. | ||
| He's a nutty Mormon, for sure. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because all Mormons are nutty Mormons. | ||
| Just being a Mormon's nutty. | ||
| They changed the name. | ||
| You don't call them Mormons anymore. | ||
| We were talking about that yesterday. | ||
| They rebranded the Latter-day Saints. | ||
| Calling them a Mormon is like calling a small person a midget. | ||
| Oh, is it? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So a compliment? | ||
| No! | ||
| Oh, I keep forgetting what to call him! | ||
| Damn it! | ||
| Adorable? | ||
| You are so not PC. Are you on PC Twitter? | ||
| Good luck! | ||
| You need to get on PC Twitter. | ||
| Hey, can I announce my new show? | ||
| No. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| No, it's not worth it. | ||
| It's big! | ||
| No, it's too dangerous! | ||
| You spawned it! | ||
| You're taking a chance! | ||
| Why are you doing this? | ||
| I know, right, exactly. | ||
| I'll be fired before it starts. | ||
| No risks! | ||
| He announced the show on Rogan, and then he was canceled by the time he got off. | ||
| They were talking about midgets. | ||
| They're assholes, and Mormons are wonderful people. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Once you have a boss. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, my show starts Monday night. | ||
| The Bread Show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| Baked. | ||
| Ooh, I like it. | ||
| It's baked. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look how handsome you look. | ||
| It started here, Joe. | ||
| The whole thing started here. | ||
| I like how you have a subtle smile. | ||
| It's like, I'm happy, but, you know, I'm pretty serious about bread. | ||
| You know what the The real reason I do that, I look awful when I just show my teeth. | ||
| No, you don't! | ||
| You don't! | ||
| You look great! | ||
| I got this weird joker smile. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| If you just embrace it. | ||
| I like all that bread behind you. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| I'm in ketosis right now. | ||
| Well, I knew that. | ||
| I can't be eating that. | ||
| The show starts this Monday night at 10 o'clock east, and we were doing New York and Detroit. | ||
| Jim Gaffigan joins me in the New York one. | ||
| It's all very cool. | ||
| So every Monday through September, all because of this show, and you're badass fans. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Honestly, that is why this is happening. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| It's because I talked about Brett on this show. | ||
| That's fucking great, man. | ||
| But I knew you were probably in keto, but I always like to bring a treat. | ||
| What'd you bring? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's this? | |
| I didn't want to... | ||
| Come empty-handed. | ||
| Ooh, what is it? | ||
| Sticks of butter? | ||
| It's for Murphy. | ||
| Oh, it's bone marrow! | ||
| It's elk. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Elk antlers for... | ||
| Can I eat this? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's for Murph. | ||
| Marshall, you mean. | ||
| I mean Marshall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought it was Marshall. | ||
| He'll go crazy with these. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like one of those. | ||
| My dog went crazy over those. | ||
| Did you ever give your dog them? | ||
| Yeah, he's got one at home right now. | ||
| He does? | ||
| Yeah, he's got some sort of an antler. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| They go crazy. | ||
| They just chew all the marrow out over time. | ||
| You look so happy when you're with your dog. | ||
| Oh, I love that dog. | ||
| You look so happy. | ||
| He's my little buddy. | ||
| It's just pure joy. | ||
| And the dog looks happy. | ||
| Well, he loves running. | ||
| And, you know, you get a dog out in nature. | ||
| And he's, like, the best dog I've ever had. | ||
| Really? | ||
| In terms of, like, listening and coming to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Always checking to make sure. | ||
| Because he's a retriever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, so he's, like... | ||
| Super in tune with you. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| When I come home, the first thing he does, he sees me, wags his tail, comes up to me, and then he runs, grabs a toy, puts it in his mouth, and then comes back to me. | ||
| Like he's retrieving something. | ||
| He has these instincts to bring something to me. | ||
| My black lab has the same thing. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| I always feel bad that if I don't have time to play and start tugging with her because she's just like, you're here, let's go, let's play. | ||
| Yeah, let's do it. | ||
| And when you don't, you have to work and you get on the phone or whatever and they just lay on the ground like, oh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I came home the other night at like 1 o'clock in the morning, you know, from the comedy store, and I sat on the couch to start writing, and Marshall just comes over and goes, dude, what's going on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are we doing? | |
| It's like a roommate. | ||
| I'm like, what's happening? | ||
| You're up? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Everybody else is asleep. | ||
| They've been asleep for hours. | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| Are you just going to fuck around on the laptop? | ||
| Alright, I'm going to lie down right here. | ||
| He just slides down. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| There is a great feeling when you're riding and the dog is right next to you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Still until those fucking farts hit you. | ||
| Like, whoa, dude. | ||
| Did you eat a rat outside or something? | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Well, I hope he enjoys the elk. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| Yeah, he's the best. | ||
| Best dog I've ever had. | ||
| I've got to find good trails. | ||
| Johnny Cash was an awesome dog, too. | ||
| Look at that face. | ||
| He's just lying on his back. | ||
| Yeah, so happy. | ||
| He's such a happy dog. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| My dog would be happy like that if I could find some good trails. | ||
| I don't have good trails. | ||
| I just take him to Runyon or something, you know? | ||
| Can he just run up Runyon? | ||
| Yeah, you just got to be careful of other people's dogs. | ||
| Like Marshall got bit by someone's dog once. | ||
| You know, some people just have dogs that just are not that well, you know... | ||
| Socialized. | ||
| Socialized. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but if you have them on a leash, for the most part, or you find a good spot where you don't have to have them on a leash, that's great. | ||
| That's what I want to do. | ||
| Other dogs are the issue. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And snakes. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Rattlesnakes. | ||
| Rattlesnakes you have to be very careful around us, out here. | ||
| You guys go up. | ||
| You're running. | ||
| Dog gets bit by a rattlesnake. | ||
| You're a quarter mile from base camp. | ||
| He'll be okay. | ||
| Dogs will be way better off than people. | ||
| You can run back with him? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You take him back. | ||
| It won't circulate? | ||
| I might have to carry him. | ||
| I mean, I might have to carry him because it's really steep. | ||
| The stuff that we run on is literally super fucking steep. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's basically the last three quarters of a mile is all uphill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oof. | |
| Yeah, and it's fucking brutal. | ||
| But it's great on the legs and the ass. | ||
| You feel my ass right there, bro? | ||
| On the top, I have my ass shell. | ||
| Well, happy Labor Day. | ||
| But I thought when you got hit by a rattler, you're supposed to not move. | ||
| No, you've got to get out of there. | ||
| You've got to get to medical attention. | ||
| You've got to go. | ||
| What it does is, here's the thing, you can't suck the venom out. | ||
| This is what people think. | ||
| People think, oh, you just cut it and suck the venom out. | ||
| This is what rattlesnake venom does. | ||
| What it does is it digests your skin. | ||
| It digests your flesh. | ||
| The venom does. | ||
| Yes, it causes necrosis. | ||
| So what it essentially is doing is digesting you with venom. | ||
| This is the way they kill rabbits and things that they eat and swallow. | ||
| They bite them and then they kill them with venom and it starts to digest the flesh. | ||
| And then they swallow it whole and it aids in their processing of this animal. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| So the snake hits a rat. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| If he were to take his mouth off after five minutes, would it have been partially digested? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| The tissue inside starts digesting. | ||
| Yeah, it starts decomposing and digesting. | ||
| So when you get bit by a rattlesnake, a lot of times you need massive skin grafts and you have massive tissue loss and necrosis. | ||
| This one guy documented... | ||
| He got bit on the arm and they had a med vac amount in the helicopter and then he had to go through a long series of operations to repair his arm. | ||
| Like mesh and skin grafts and all these different things and it still was fucked up. | ||
| Like years later his arm was fucked up. | ||
| So if you didn't get medical attention why would you die? | ||
| It would just spread through your organs? | ||
| I don't exactly know. | ||
| You might survive a rattlesnake bite if you didn't get medical attention, if it wasn't the most amount of venom. | ||
| The real scary thing is young ones. | ||
| Young rattlesnakes just empty out on you, just like young boys. | ||
| Pace yourself, young fella. | ||
| You're like, whoa, where's all this coming from? | ||
| You've been storing it up, you don't know how to control it. | ||
| That's how it is with young rattlesnakes. | ||
| You want the old rattlesnake where it's just one drop at a time. | ||
| Yeah, like an 80-year-old man. | ||
| So if you have, you know, the difference between like an 18-year-old fella shooting, as Bill Hicks would say, arcing ropes of jism versus a rattlesnake that's like thick like a fucking tree trunk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I ran over one once. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I was running with my, not the last dogs that are deceased, but my dogs before that, when I used to have pit bulls. | ||
| And we ran over what I thought was a large stick in the road, in the trail. | ||
| And as I'm running over it in the air, I realize it is a giant rattlesnake. | ||
| Thick as my forearm. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It was huge. | ||
| Seven feet long. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| Just in the middle of the trail? | ||
| Just completely stretched out like a stick. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Just sunning itself. | ||
| And the dogs ran right over it. | ||
| And it didn't strike you? | ||
| No. | ||
| The dogs luckily listened to me and they weren't aware of what it was. | ||
| But those dogs were crazy. | ||
| Those dogs had been bitten three times. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, my dogs had been bitten three times by snakes. | ||
| So they knew. | ||
| They just killed the snakes. | ||
| They didn't give a fuck. | ||
| Pit bulls are so crazy. | ||
| They're the craziest dogs. | ||
| They're so hardwired for combat. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like the rattlesnake was like, and the pit bull was like, fuck you! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| Just grabbed him and killed him. | ||
| They didn't even worry for a second. | ||
| He got bit in the face. | ||
| And one time he got bit. | ||
| He's been bit in the face. | ||
| He got bit in the face a couple. | ||
| This is Frank Sinatra. | ||
| Great. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I love that you named a dog so not. | ||
| He was the craziest dog I've ever had. | ||
| That dog killed everything he could. | ||
| His main game was I'd leave him in the yard and he would try to kill lizards. | ||
| His main game was like a video game. | ||
| He would just walk around the yard stomping on the grass looking for lizards and then dive on them. | ||
| It was like a game to him just trying to find lizards to kill. | ||
| How was he with people? | ||
| He was wonderful with people. | ||
| He was a sweet, sweet dog. | ||
| Would never go after a person. | ||
| No, no, he never bit a person. | ||
| He was a little aggressive with his, like, wanted to play and kind of freak people out. | ||
| Because he liked to play and pull ropes with you. | ||
| Like, he'd want to grab a rope and bring it to you and have you pull on it. | ||
| And he would make these horrific noises. | ||
| So you'd be pulling it. | ||
| He'd be like... | ||
| And people are like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| I'm like, he's just playing. | ||
| He's a sweet dog. | ||
| Watch. | ||
| Let go. | ||
| Give me a kiss. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Give me crazy kisses. | ||
| But he was so... | ||
| They get a bad rap, though. | ||
| They deserve it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They deserve it. | ||
| They deserve it. | ||
| Yeah, they deserve it. | ||
| Because you don't know. | ||
| If you're just walking down the street and you see a pit bull off-leash... | ||
| You should be cautious. | ||
| People don't want to hear that because they love their dog. | ||
| They're like, my dog is different. | ||
| Don't say that. | ||
| They are bred to fight. | ||
| That's what they're bred for. | ||
| That's where they came from? | ||
| That's where the breed? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| No bullshit. | ||
| The reason why they're such great dogs is because they're bred, the good ones at least, to have no aggression whatsoever towards people. | ||
| So that when the dogs are fighting, they can go in and separate them with no fear of the dogs turning on the owner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Interesting. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Where'd they do this? | ||
| Ireland? | ||
| America, bro. | ||
| America? | ||
| It's American Pitbull. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it's called. | ||
| American Pitbull Terrier. | ||
| What do you think the Michael Vick thing was all about? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they've been around for a long time, though, haven't they? | ||
| Sure, over a hundred years. | ||
| More, a couple hundred years. | ||
| But that was originally going to be our national animal. | ||
| Was it really? | ||
| Before they went with the eagle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Didn't Ben Franklin sell the eagle? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know whose idea it was. | ||
| Who wanted the pit bull? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, they used it as war dogs. | ||
| They used them in the army. | ||
| That would have been a cool symbol. | ||
| Sort of, but the problem with those dogs is multifold. | ||
| One, they have a very high prey drive. | ||
| Their drive to attack things is very high. | ||
| And the more they're bred for that, the more intelligent they are, the more intense they are, and people love them because of their intensity and their intelligence and their loyalty towards their owners is incredible. | ||
| Outrageous. | ||
| So that love is deep. | ||
| That's why the pit bull people, because they really do, if you say anything, they get really up in arms about it. | ||
| They don't want them to have a bad rap. | ||
| Dude, I love those dogs. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| I love those dogs. | ||
| But one of my dogs killed one of my other dogs. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, you can't have two female pit bulls. | ||
| You can't have that. | ||
| Two females, they'll just go at each other? | ||
| Yeah, they never sort it out. | ||
| They never decide who the boss is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| They start off, they'll have a fight, and then one will win, and then you say, okay, well, in a normal situation, this one realizes that it's the alpha, and then the other one will back off. | ||
| No, no fucking way. | ||
| Not with girls. | ||
| They won't quit. | ||
| Girls never quit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They go back to it. | ||
| What if one of them was hanging out with Marshall? | ||
| Oh, they'd be fine. | ||
| They'd be fine? | ||
| Yeah, well, she was fine with my male dogs. | ||
| It was female dogs. | ||
| She didn't want other females around. | ||
| But she was not fine with my males if the male was getting attention and she wasn't. | ||
| She would get angry. | ||
| Like, you're stealing my attention. | ||
| Well, she was a prison dog. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| She was in the LA animal shelter for many months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| When I got her, Brian Callen is the one who talked me in again. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| He goes, dude, you gotta get this dog. | ||
| He goes, I can't get her. | ||
| My yard's too small. | ||
| He goes, this dog is so amazing, so sweet. | ||
| And I went to see her, and she was the sweetest dog to people. | ||
| To people. | ||
| How old? | ||
| Was it a puppy still? | ||
| She was 11 months. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Still a puppy. | |
| When I got her, yeah. | ||
| She was still a puppy. | ||
| But she was amazing. | ||
| But they're just fucking dangerous around dogs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My sister had a bull mastiff. | ||
| Oh, those are great. | ||
| Great dogs. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| So kind to people, like loving, like you put them with children. | ||
| I mean, it's a big dog. | ||
| Its head is like our heads combined. | ||
| But other dogs, other small dogs. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It was bred for that. | ||
| And it would go and just any dog on a leash with an old lady attached did not care. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| And would just pin it to the ground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's awful. | |
| And you just couldn't get it out. | ||
| I mean, it's just in the breed. | ||
| I had a dog that was a Mastiff that just died. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| His name is Johnny Cash. | ||
| We just had to put him down. | ||
| He couldn't walk anymore. | ||
| He was 13. This is the saddest moment like the last week of his life. | ||
| Marshall was in the pool and he was jumping around and playing with my daughters and everybody was having a good time and Johnny wanted to come to the pool but he couldn't walk over there. | ||
| And so he would take a couple steps and he'd be panting and his legs would be shaking and he'd take a couple steps and he's panting and his legs are shaking and he was just in agony. | ||
| So I picked him up, all like 140 pounds of him. | ||
| It's a big dog. | ||
| Every time I run, man, I start coughing. | ||
| I ran this morning, and then for the rest of the day, I'm like, when I try to talk, I got like, eh-eh in my throat. | ||
| It's the soot. | ||
| It's the dirt. | ||
| I'm breathing in dust and pollen, and I'm in the bottom of these canyons running through all this shit, and the dog's in front of me kicking up dirt. | ||
| I ran on the concrete today, and I'm... | ||
| My point is I carried him. | ||
| So I had to carry him over to the pool. | ||
| And I sat him down there and he just laid down there and he was smiling and panting. | ||
| He was totally deaf by the time he died. | ||
| Like completely deaf. | ||
| Like he would be lying there. | ||
| He'd be like, Johnny, you hungry? | ||
| Johnny! | ||
| And then you'd touch him and be like, where'd you come from? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| That's the bummer about big dogs. | ||
| They die so... | ||
| Well, 13's not that bad. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| They usually die at like 9. 8, 9, they're ready to go. | ||
| That's what's so... | ||
| I can't... | ||
| My dog's about 80 pounds. | ||
| And, you know, it's a big presence. | ||
| 140, that's a big thing in your house. | ||
| And to know that you fall deeply in love with it and then it's going to be gone in six, seven years, it's a heartbreak. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's hard. | |
| He was the sweetest dog to everybody. | ||
| Dogs, people, everybody. | ||
| Just a giant, lovable... | ||
| Recently, you had to put him down? | ||
| Oh, yeah, a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Yeah, it was rough. | ||
| That is rough. | ||
| But it was really hard seeing him suffer. | ||
| How long? | ||
| Well, the last year was rough. | ||
| In the last couple of months, it was, when do we do this? | ||
| It was like, when do we put him down? | ||
| Because I don't want to come home and find him dead. | ||
| Yeah, but for a year, you knew he was kind of... | ||
| It's a slow deterioration. | ||
| I couldn't walk him anymore. | ||
| That was about two years ago. | ||
| About two years ago. | ||
| I just couldn't walk him. | ||
| Because where I live is a lot of hills. | ||
| He just couldn't do the hills. | ||
| He would just take a few steps and have to breathe heavy. | ||
| And I was like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| I didn't think he was going to last as long as he did. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| It's a good life. | ||
| He was the best. | ||
| He was a super sweet dog. | ||
| Always sweet and kind. | ||
| He could be eating a steak and you could come over to him and you could take the steak from him and be like, why'd you do that? | ||
| He would never growl at you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You let your dog in the pool? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think it's going to be all wet in the house. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Dry him off, bro. | ||
| Dogs love to get dried off. | ||
| When Marshall comes out of the pool, I pull the towel. | ||
| He's like,''Oh, yeah! | ||
| It's time for a massage!'' He comes over and I rub him and he's like, oh, yeah. | ||
| Chlorine or salt water? | ||
| Oh, salt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, oh, yeah. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Do it, Joe. | ||
| Do it, Joe. | ||
| He loves it because I get one of them big beach towels and I throw it over him and I just start rubbing him down. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| He sees that towel. | ||
| He comes running towards me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, massage time, motherfucker. | |
| What about all the hair in the pool? | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of hair in the pool. | ||
| You gotta scoop that up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it comes in clumps. | ||
| Yeah, retrievers. | ||
| You find it at the bottom, and it looks like algae's growing at the bottom of the pool. | ||
| I know! | ||
| That's nasty hair! | ||
| I've been keeping my dog out of the pool. | ||
| Come on, man, why would you do that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you live in L.A., it's hot as fuck, let the dog swim! | ||
| Jesus, man. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Ooh, the hair in the pool! | ||
| Look at the fuck! | ||
| Take a shower! | ||
| What are you worried about? | ||
| It's water! | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Seems like a pain in the ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is the hair dirty? | |
| Well then, it's water. | ||
| The hair's in water. | ||
| What about chlorine? | ||
| Can I get that on the dog's skin? | ||
| Is that alright? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| It's on your skin. | ||
| Just wash them off afterwards. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Hose them down. | ||
| Hose them down. | ||
| Why would you worry about the dog and not yourself? | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I only worry about myself and not the dog. | ||
| Why don't you get a salt water thing for your pool? | ||
| So use the salt water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a whole rigmaroo. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not that hard. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| I'm working on other projects. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| You're just one of those guys that dismisses important things in your life. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just see it. | |
| You put that in the back so when I get high, I think about it incessantly, and it fucks with my head. | ||
| Is that what happens? | ||
| To me. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's number one thing. | ||
| You ever get high and then you realize, oh, I haven't been thinking about this at all, and then when you're high, it's the only thing you're thinking about? | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Things that I, you know, should have been thinking about like a year ago. | ||
| You're like, why is this? | ||
| How do I fix that sprinkler? | ||
| How much is that leaking water? | ||
| How much water is that leaking? | ||
| What if we run out of water? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then I have to think about all the water that was leaking because the sprinkler is broken. | |
| I should just do it. | ||
| What's wrong with me? | ||
| I'll just do that. | ||
| Why can't I just make that call? | ||
| How's it hard to make that call? | ||
| You know what freaks me out lately? | ||
| Emails. | ||
| There's no way I can keep up. | ||
| It's impossible now at this point. | ||
| Do you have a number that you try and stay below in your inbox? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's how I do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| If I can stay, if I'm under 75, I know I'm on top of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
75? | |
| I'm going to show you something that's about your fucking hair to spin. | ||
| Look at that number. | ||
| Where are we? | ||
| Upper left. | ||
| 4,655 in one account? | ||
| Good luck with those. | ||
| Is that also your garbage account? | ||
| No! | ||
| That's just your... | ||
| No! | ||
| That's email. | ||
| No! | ||
| 4,000 emails. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Why are you doing that to yourself? | ||
| How are you going to do that? | ||
| Doesn't that weigh on you? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Doesn't it feel like a cluttered desk? | ||
| Well, I have more than one email account. | ||
| One for business, for managers and close friends. | ||
| And then there's one for people that have known me forever. | ||
| And then there's a business one for people that I don't know that well, that aren't in my inner circle. | ||
| But that's a lot of emails, bro. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| But your important one is your inner circle and your business, and that's not 4,000. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| Hundreds. | ||
| Hundreds? | ||
| Hundreds. | ||
| And a lot of it's nonsense. | ||
| It's all nonsense, but then you feel like you can't throw it out. | ||
| If I could just keep it, I have a garbage account. | ||
| I have, I mean, my one account that is, yeah, here you go, down there. | ||
| Oh, that's not bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
9,978. | |
| But that's because I have an AOL account that I just, anytime you're in a store, anytime, whatever, you sign up for something, can I have your email, can I have your email? | ||
| It all gets that, and that's why it blows up. | ||
| But my private account, my inner circle one, under 100. That's where I'm staying. | ||
| You got basically about 4,000 big dick pill ads. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I'll try this cough drop, see if it'll keep me from coughing. | ||
| Does cough drops work? | ||
| Yeah, they do work. | ||
| I'm not coughing unless I'm talking. | ||
| And when I'm talking, I just feel the, in the back of my throat. | ||
| And it's right at, it's like two hours after running. | ||
| Always? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Up to two hours. | ||
| After that, it sort of goes away. | ||
| It's like my body cleans out. | ||
| You have to run with one of those masks that they wear at the airport. | ||
| One of those, what, China masks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You want some tea or anything? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I'll be alright. | ||
| I'm going to try this coffee. | ||
| Some coffee? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think that helps. | ||
| Coffee generates phlegm. | ||
| Hey, I saw an article this morning. | ||
| I wanted to get your thoughts on it. | ||
| I was reading about that they're thinking about putting video gaming in the Olympics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the way they were talking about it, they're like, this is inevitable. | ||
| This is going to be in the Olympics. | ||
| And these kids consider themselves athletes. | ||
| The only hang-up that they had on it was that the video games are violent. | ||
| And they don't want to promote that. | ||
| But to me, it was like, well, wait, is this really a sport? | ||
| This is the Olympics trying to cash in. | ||
| That's all that is. | ||
| I think the Olympics are dirty. | ||
| I think it's a dirty business. | ||
| And this was highlighted by the movie Icarus. | ||
| If you watch that movie and you realize how the IOC is in bed with the World Anti-Doping Agency and how, you know, how they sort of function together and what it really is all about is making money. | ||
| And anything that compromises that making money, they're going to vote against it. | ||
| It's just, it's not... | ||
| It's a dirty business. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And if they did have it in the Olympics, what they would basically do is take these guys who are making millions and millions of dollars playing video games at a professional level. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Millions! | ||
| They would make them work for free. | ||
| And then they would make all the millions and millions of dollars. | ||
| But they'd say, but yay, you get to be in the Olympics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's a dirty business. | ||
| I think the Olympics are dirty. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, is chess in the Olympics? | ||
| No. | ||
| Why isn't that in the Olympics? | ||
| They even took wrestling out. | ||
| But chess, you're actually moving pieces around. | ||
| Video games, you're just icons on a screen. | ||
| What do you mean they took wrestling out? | ||
| They took wrestling out of the Olympics. | ||
| No! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| No, they didn't. | ||
| Yes, they did. | ||
| No! | ||
| Yes, I love wrestling. | ||
| And they took it out. | ||
| They might have brought it back, but it was gone. | ||
| Right, Jamie? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Wrestling's not out of the Olympics. | ||
| Yes, they took it out. | ||
| There was no wrestling in the Summer Olympics. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| For real? | ||
| For real. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Why wouldn't I have heard of that? | ||
| I know there was at one point in time, they were talking about it, but I thought it was put back in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does it say? | |
| It was out for at least one. | ||
| And 2013 IOC voted to drop wrestling from the Summer Olympic program effective 2020. Is that real? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if it's happened yet, because it's supposed to be for 2020. I don't know if it's... | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was in the Olympics in the summer. | ||
| Well, it's not 2020 yet, so... | ||
| No, but I mean the last Olympics that he's saying it wasn't in. | ||
| I don't think it was. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was. | ||
| I don't think it was! | ||
| Call Bob Costa! | ||
| Call him now! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bob! | |
| Bob, is your eye cured? | ||
| Bob was on an episode of NewsRadio kicked my ass. | ||
| That was the episode. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I thought he was hitting on this girl that I was dating. | ||
| So he beat me up. | ||
| Yeah, there it is in the Olympics. | ||
| Oh, I guess Tom Papa's wrong again. | ||
| Oh, that's from the 70s. | ||
| Look at that guy's jacket. | ||
| Did you see that guy's? | ||
| Did you see that referee's jacket? | ||
| Speaking of the 70s, I came home last night. | ||
| Yeah, look at that guy. | ||
| Oh, look at that guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| 1896. Go back to that. | ||
| And they took it out. | ||
| Alright, so maybe it was in last time. | ||
| You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| But they voted against it now. | ||
| He's trying to look jacked. | ||
| He is jacked. | ||
| Look at that chest. | ||
| They didn't even understand weightlifting back then. | ||
| Let me tell you something, bro. | ||
| That guy is not jacked. | ||
| He's jacked. | ||
| Pure muscle. | ||
| Let me see a little of this. | ||
| Greco-Roman introduced in Athens in 1896. What is going on here? | ||
| They're grabbing each other by the underwear? | ||
| That's a different kind of wrestling. | ||
| That's ladies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| That is a rough fucking sport on your body. | ||
| I found this, though. | ||
| They're adding video games to the Asian games in 2022, and then it's going to be a demonstration sport in Paris 2024. It's coming. | ||
| And wrestling out! | ||
| Those guys don't need it. | ||
| This is my message to anybody who's a pro video gamer. | ||
| You don't need those people. | ||
| What do they offer? | ||
| They offer shit. | ||
| They want you to work for free. | ||
| They're gonna make all the money. | ||
| You're already huge. | ||
| And by the way, the people who run that, they missed the boat. | ||
| They didn't see it coming. | ||
| They don't deserve it. | ||
| What about the athlete part of it? | ||
| What about it? | ||
| Do you consider it a sport? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| It's a game. | ||
| But it's a very highly skilled game. | ||
| I mean, it's definitely something valuable. | ||
| Like, it used to be thought of as a frivolous waste of time. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But now you can make legitimate money with it. | ||
| But you don't... | ||
| I don't think you classify it as a sport. | ||
| I mean, they call it eSports. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Are they an athlete? | ||
| No. | ||
| Is the top gamer an athlete? | ||
| The only caveat is that it's hand-eye coordination, right? | ||
| There is hand-eye coordination, and what do you consider a sport? | ||
| Do you consider something you move your entire body, or is just moving your fingers enough? | ||
| Because, like, is pool a sport? | ||
| Billiards, is that a sport? | ||
| I don't think it is. | ||
| I think it's a game. | ||
| But it's a game that requires hand-eye coordination and control and touch. | ||
| Tennis is a sport. | ||
| Tennis requires endurance. | ||
| Full physical being. | ||
| Full mental being. | ||
| Yeah, you're running around. | ||
| You're jumping back and forth. | ||
| You're swatting that ball. | ||
| They're shooting it at you, trying to get out of the way. | ||
| I mean, the amount of endurance you have and stamina and explosiveness all contributes to your game. | ||
| Would you make an exception for someone that's really good at Q-Bert? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That was my favorite game. | ||
| Subway surfer's in. | ||
| Subway surfer's a sport. | ||
| My daughter plays that shit. | ||
| She's a little wizard. | ||
| Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. | ||
| It's not a sport. | ||
| They only want it in the Olympics because they realize there's massive amounts of people that are watching it and playing them now and they can make a lot of money off of it. | ||
| No, arenas. | ||
| I mean, they're filling arenas. | ||
| More than the Olympics! | ||
| The live part of it is a billion dollar business. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of sports that are in the Olympics that no one gives a fuck about if they're not in the Olympics. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like curling. | ||
| Curling. | ||
| The ski shoot one. | ||
| Skiing and shooting one. | ||
| What do they call that? | ||
| Decathlon or pentathlon. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's the one that Bruce Jenner won. | ||
| Which one was that? | ||
| That's the decathlon. | ||
| Did he have to shoot shit or no? | ||
| No. | ||
| Throw a spear or something? | ||
| No, he did the javelin. | ||
| Javelin's part of it. | ||
| Not technically a spear, but... | ||
| Okay, it's archery. | ||
| Archery's in the Olympics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that a sport? | ||
| That's more of a sport. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You're using your full body. | ||
| Well, not really. | ||
| I mean, you are for, like, stability. | ||
| You're stabilizing with your legs, and you have a certain stance. | ||
| And if your bow is heavy to pull back, then it requires strength. | ||
| But that's blurring the lines. | ||
| I think archery is essentially a martial art with a tool, you know, and then you're demonstrating. | ||
| But you could do it on paper, so it's target archery. | ||
| But do they have target shooting in the Olympics? | ||
| Well, as part of skiing, right? | ||
| Yes, in the winter. | ||
| I think they do it on both. | ||
| They do it in summer, too? | ||
| Yeah, I actually know a girl that was on a Olympic. | ||
| Just Target. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Just shooting. | ||
| Yep, yep. | ||
| Right, that girl you were telling me about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, that's interesting. | ||
| I mean, that's close to a video game. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| Video games are, well, I guess, maybe. | ||
| But, like, we were showing that Sarah Palin thing, which she was trying to shoot offhand. | ||
| Totally hot. | ||
| She was just holding the gun up. | ||
| That's more of a sport. | ||
| If you're trying to shoot offhand. | ||
| Or pistol shooting. | ||
| I would say pistol shooting would definitely be a sport. | ||
| Like when they do those courses. | ||
| You ever seen those courses that they do? | ||
| Yeah, like for training and stuff. | ||
| They go, ready, go. | ||
| Light goes off and then you run through a door and then you turn a corner and dang, dang, dang. | ||
| And then you duck down. | ||
| Bad guys come out. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And some are bad guys and some are good guys. | ||
| There's a bunch of different ones they do, and some of them are just targets, and some of them are targets that are dressed up like people. | ||
| That could be a sport. | ||
| Well, that's very physically demanding. | ||
| You ever see the Keanu Reeves footage when he's training for John Wick 2? | ||
| No. | ||
| Please, God, make John Wick 3. Please. | ||
| Have you seen the stuff of them running through Times Square on a horse, shooting people in the head? | ||
| In John Wick 3? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're already doing it? | ||
| You haven't seen that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, just show the footage, first of all, the training footage for John Wick 2. John Wick 2, man. | ||
| That motherfucker, Keanu Reeves, he gets into it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was training with my friend Hige Machado in Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| So they- Mr. Roboto? | ||
| No. | ||
| Here he is. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
| John Wick 2. So, like, when you watch him shoot in the movie, he looks very comfortable shooting. | ||
| And even his martial arts, like the stuff that he's doing in the movie, it's legitimate. | ||
| Like, it's doable. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| He's really training. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's not doing anything where you go get the... | ||
| Like, there's no Roadhouse moves. | ||
| Like, I was watching Roadhouse last night. | ||
| I love Roadhouse. | ||
| I got home from the comedy store last night, and I was gonna go to sleep, but Roadhouse was on. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, I'm staying up. | ||
| I stayed up. | ||
| It's the best, going in the bar. | ||
| I watched it an hour and a half in, until he killed the guy by grabbing his neck, and that's when I had to go to sleep. | ||
| You missed the big end scene in the house? | ||
| Nah, that's good enough. | ||
| I saw enough. | ||
| So he's on a horse in John Wick 3? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's the real deal. | ||
| He's like Tom Cruise. | ||
| Just get him back on the Chevelle. | ||
| Why are you giving him a horse? | ||
| He's Tom Cruise. | ||
| The 1970s Chevelle is the way to go. | ||
| Not a fucking horse. | ||
| So he trains like legit shooting? | ||
| Trains legit shooting, legit martial arts. | ||
| Samuel Jackson is in it? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What's Samuel Jackson not in? | ||
| Is there a list of... | ||
| It's like 10 films. | ||
| He didn't start being an actor until he was late in his career, right? | ||
| Or late in his age? | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| I just read something recently. | ||
| How old was he? | ||
| I want to say 40, but I feel like I might be mixing up with someone. | ||
| That might be true. | ||
| That might be Rodney Dangerfield. | ||
| Yeah, the original John Wick is a fucking great movie. | ||
| And John Wick 2 is a great movie. | ||
| They're both great. | ||
| I watched two of them back-to-back on a plane recently. | ||
| Is that the one where everything's on fire in that one scene where he's coming out of an apartment? | ||
| John Wick 2 is one where he's fighting that Ruby Rose chick. | ||
| He has a fight with Ruby Rose. | ||
| Which is a little hilarious. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Girl power. | ||
| Save it. | ||
| Save it. | ||
| She takes such a good punch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Keanu's pulling punches. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's legit. | ||
| Tom Cruise, he trains and does all his real stuff. | ||
| Yeah, Tom Cruise does a lot of crazy stunts. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, he fucked up his ankle jumping off of a building to another building. | ||
| Yeah, climbing on the outside of planes, hanging on. | ||
| He does all that stupid shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Car chases, he does that, he does it himself. | ||
| Yeah, in Dubai, hanging off the end of that building. | ||
| Yeah, he's a maniac. | ||
| He is a maniac. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I wouldn't do that. | ||
| Fighting off them Scientology demons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Or using the angels. | |
| Using the angels. | ||
| Do they have angels or just thetans? | ||
| Thetans are the bad things. | ||
| Those are the things that stick to you, right? | ||
| I thought those were like your soul. | ||
| Like, that's who you are. | ||
| You are a thetan, like in the shell of a... | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I thought the thetans were like the bad ones that came in you to fend off. | ||
| Everything I know about Scientology I learned from South Park. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
So... | |
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| And from that Lawrence Wright movie. | ||
| I learned a couple useful things from learning about it. | ||
| Going Clear. | ||
| Did you see Going Clear, the documentary? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you read the book? | ||
| No. | ||
| The book's crazy, too. | ||
| I read some of Dianetics, though. | ||
| I did, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I read it when I first moved to L.A. I bought it. | ||
| I ordered it on late night TV. Yeah. | ||
| I wanted my nephews to join up just to see what would happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What, do you hate your sister? | ||
| Or your brother or whoever's kid it is? | ||
| I was like, one of us has got to be a pioneer here. | ||
| Let's go see what this does. | ||
| One of us has got to join the cult. | ||
| Yeah, it's too late for me. | ||
| Get in there. | ||
| See what happens. | ||
| Have you seen Wild Wild Country? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've been reading his book, Osho's book, The Art of Living and Dying. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| It's very interesting. | ||
| What's unique about him is that the things that he's saying are legitimately profound and very interesting and legitimately deeply philosophical. | ||
| You're reading it and you go, okay, this guy was a real thinking person. | ||
| And he was deeply considering these things from all sorts of different angles. | ||
| Yet he allowed that crazy Sheila lady to run his cult and poison people and plot assassinations. | ||
| But even before that, he was collecting Rolls Royces and he loved the... | ||
| Loved luxury. | ||
| The problem... | ||
| Look, a lot of people have good ideas. | ||
| They try and motivate people. | ||
| It starts out with these nice intentions or whatever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Once they taste money, that's it. | ||
| It's over. | ||
| Greed. | ||
| It just takes you over, and you can't shake it. | ||
| It's like, why would I be in a Ford Taurus when I had a Rolls Royce? | ||
| Well, how about just get one Rolls Royce, bro? | ||
| I know, but these people- Why do you have 22? | ||
| Power. | ||
| Power and greed and celebrity, and then you can't shake it. | ||
| All these televangelists, when all those televangelists went down, They start off preaching around the South, dirty, like in little churches. | ||
| Then they start making millions of dollars and it goes all off the rails. | ||
| Greed. | ||
| It's a demon, I'm telling you. | ||
| I guess they're similar. | ||
| I mean, because that guy, from what you're saying, he has some good points. | ||
| He has some good stuff. | ||
| There's some stuff in Dianetics that makes very good sense. | ||
| Right, but hold on. | ||
| Don't you think that all that good stuff is negated by a love of objects? | ||
| I think that it ends up corrupting them and they start making other choices that don't align with what they're preaching. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I think they're human beings. | ||
| We're all human beings. | ||
| And you start getting that power and then all of this money comes in and it corrupts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There was also sex. | |
| There was also a lot of sex. | ||
| A lot of sex. | ||
| Yeah, that cult was a lot about just free sex, everybody banging everybody. | ||
| It's funny how it all comes down to those things. | ||
| It always becomes sex, money, power, and celebrity. | ||
| They all fall from those things. | ||
| They're these desires. | ||
| There's great benefits to all those things, right? | ||
| Sex feels great. | ||
| If you have a lot of money, you can buy awesome things and you enjoy them and you feel like you've accomplished something. | ||
| If you have a lot of celebrity, then everybody kisses your ass, and he would walk in the room with his hands clasped together, and everybody would go crazy. | ||
| But it's a different kind of celebrity, right? | ||
| His celebrity was not just like, oh, there's Tom Papa! | ||
| Dude, I love your bread show! | ||
| It wasn't that. | ||
| It was, you have the answers! | ||
| Oh, Swami! | ||
| Oh, Osho! | ||
| But that's the ultimate power, is celebrity mixed with God, mixed with the answer to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Guru. | |
| Yeah, forget it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Guru power. | |
| Now you're off the charts. | ||
| Well, you get a little bit of that in yoga classes. | ||
| There was a yoga class that I used to go to where the guy who was the instructor was banging some of the students. | ||
| And he was slimy. | ||
| He was like, you could tell. | ||
| He would sing in class, like sing in Hindu songs, and I'd be like, bro, you are killing my buzz. | ||
| Yeah, I'm out of there. | ||
| But you're so white. | ||
| Like, everything about it, he was just like, he was a slippery guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, and his thing was being this really spiritual yoga guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 40-year-old women whose husbands were tired of fucking them. | ||
| They would really, you know, kind of get into him. | ||
| Next thing you know, he'd be giving them privates. | ||
| Air quotes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Privates. | ||
| And he would probably, you know, talk to them about sensuality. | ||
| Of course, and their aura. | ||
| And then probably lay some shit down about... | ||
| You know, one of the main problems in relationships is the passion sometimes ebbs when there's a loss of respect and appreciation for each other as individuals, as unique souls. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I'm experiencing that in my relationship. | ||
| I'm so sorry to hear that. | ||
| So sorry to hear that. | ||
| The boundaries of intimacy should not be related. | ||
| Is it me? | ||
| But I feel like I'm seeing the real you that no one else sees. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| The boundaries of intimacy should not be confined by a piece of paper. | ||
| You know, I mean, it's obviously that the vows of your marriage have already been broken by your husband who's not nice to you anymore. | ||
| Let me write down my apartment in Encino. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll hook you up with some of this sweet yoga dick. | |
| I walk around barefoot everywhere. | ||
| The hot yoga guy did that. | ||
| I'm so in touch with nature. | ||
| The hot yoga guy. | ||
| He got busted first sleeping with all these women. | ||
| Who was the hot yoga guy? | ||
| It was the hot yoga. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Bikram? | |
| The Bikram guy, right? | ||
| Wasn't he the guy? | ||
| Yeah, more than that. | ||
| He fucked everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He did. | |
| More than that, he was accused of sexual assault. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was attacking them. | ||
| Yeah, my guy wasn't sexually assaulting anybody. | ||
| He was just slipping the dick in. | ||
| They were allowing it. | ||
| They wanted the dick. | ||
| Like, there's a difference. | ||
| It's power. | ||
| It's a power move. | ||
| Some people say that that's abuse, that the yoga guru who manipulates the woman and then fucks her, that he is... | ||
| In a way, definitely being guilty of sexual misconduct, and perhaps even like something more egregious, because there's a relationship that they have between the guru and the student, and he's violating that trust and that power dynamic. | ||
| Yes, that's Catholic Church, right? | ||
| No! | ||
| No, it's not! | ||
| The power dynamic! | ||
| What do you mean that? | ||
| A 40-year-old married woman and a fucking yoga teacher is not the same as a little kid and a priest. | ||
| But it's using power to get the same thing. | ||
| Oh, no, it's not. | ||
| One of them is rape and abuse. | ||
| The other one is a lady who wants dick. | ||
| Well, you didn't say she wanted dick. | ||
| Of course she wants. | ||
| She's four years old. | ||
| Her husband doesn't touch her. | ||
| You've just twisted this around. | ||
| You need to correct and apologize to all those yoga teachers out there fucking their students. | ||
| No, it's a violation. | ||
| If you're a guru and anything that's a teacher and below, you're using that. | ||
| You're manipulating that person. | ||
| Okay, but wasn't that a big part of undergraduate students and professors back in the day? | ||
| They can't do that anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a big thing. | ||
| No, in my high school, the basketball teacher ended up marrying his best girl basketball player. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| And, you know, happy ending. | ||
| Yeah, it worked out. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Well, how old was she and him? | ||
| He was probably 30-something, and she was 17. Whoa. | ||
| When did they get married? | ||
| Playing basketball. | ||
| I don't know, after... | ||
| They hook up after school? | ||
| Or during school? | ||
| No, apparently it was during, and then they ended up... | ||
| Was it legal then? | ||
| No! | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| In many states, it probably was legal at 17. In Jersey? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I guarantee you it was. | ||
| What year? | ||
| 1985, 86? | ||
| I guarantee you it was. | ||
| 17 was legal? | ||
| Yeah, I bet it was legal. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I bet 16 was legal. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, look, it's not to say that there can't be a happy ending... | ||
| When somebody is the teacher or the guru? | ||
| No, I'm on your side. | ||
| I mean, it's definitely a violation. | ||
| But it is a manipulation, yeah. | ||
| What's the age of consent in 1980? | ||
| New Jersey, age 16 years old. | ||
| 16? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I could have hit on Miss Crew. | ||
| Okay, but hold on a second. | ||
| Consent for sexual conduct at 16. This applies to both heterosexual and homosexual conduct. | ||
| As a general matter, this means that a person who is 16 years old can generally consent to have sex with any adult. | ||
| And this is in 2018. That's today. | ||
| That's today. | ||
| So here's the thing. | ||
| How crazy! | ||
| So here's the thing. | ||
| Like, you know this Asia Argento thing? | ||
| You know this thing that's going on right now? | ||
| So this 17-year-old kid, when he had sex with her, it was in California, so he's saying it's sexual assault because she had sex with him and then she got... | ||
| Tony Bourdain to pay this kid off 300 plus thousand dollars to shut his mouth and then it came out that she was a hypocrite because she seduced this kid and fucked him and she had played his mom in a movie ten years prior when he was only seven which is really kind of crazy. | ||
| There's pictures of her and the kid when the kid was like a little kid. | ||
| Oh jeez. | ||
| She stayed close to him and called him like her son and he would call her mom and stuff like that and then they got together and She lied about it and said she didn't fuck him, and then pictures came out of her in bed with him, and then her friends released text messages. | ||
| She's a fucking monster, in a way. | ||
| Was he of legal age when they had sex? | ||
| No, this is my point. | ||
| He was 17 at the time, so it would have been totally legal if this happened in New Jersey, but it happened in California. | ||
| But this is all going on while she was making a big deal of Harvey Weinstein having sex with her when she was 22. Like, Jesus fucking Christ. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| You know, the whole thing's crazy. | ||
| But my point is, first of all, let's be honest about that situation. | ||
| I mean, 17's... | ||
| He's going to be okay. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| Even if it's illegal, it's just not the same for boys. | ||
| It is not the same. | ||
| Should she have done it? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Definitely probably not. | ||
| Should she be locked up in a cage for 10 years from doing that? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's a freak. | ||
| That lady's a freak. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he was 17. She's more guilty of being a hypocrite than anything. | ||
| Did she stay in touch with him all those years when she was playing the mom? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The real creepy picture is her in the movie with him when he was like a little kid. | ||
| But it's not as creepy as Woody Allen when he had his daughter sitting on his lap and then 10 years later that same daughter is holding his hand as his girlfriend in the front row of a basketball game. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of weird. | ||
| That's a little weird. | ||
| That's way creepier. | ||
| Yeah, it's so weird. | ||
| I don't know if there's even a reason to make that comparison. | ||
| But my point is, that kid would have no case at all if this was in New Jersey. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was in New Jersey. | ||
| Which I don't think he should have a case. | ||
| Is he prosecuting? | ||
| He apparently threatened to go public with it and he wanted money. | ||
| And they gave him money. | ||
| Anthony Bourdain did. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And gave him a lot. | ||
| $380,000. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And even after he got paid, he comes out? | ||
| That is the most expensive dick that lady will ever get. | ||
| Then he comes out? | ||
| It came out anyway. | ||
| I don't know why it came out. | ||
| I don't know who released it. | ||
| Harvey Weinstein. | ||
| Somebody released it. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| But what they're basically showing is that this whole thing of her being attacked by Harvey Weinstein, it's complicated. | ||
| Maybe he did exactly what she said he did. | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| But she clearly is deceptive. | ||
| She definitely lied about this kid. | ||
| See, the problem is the age of consent being 17. If it was 18, or if he was 18 rather, or if it was like in New Jersey where it's 16, there's no case. | ||
| And she just fucked a young kid. | ||
| And I'm just going to be honest. | ||
| The only thing that's creepy is that they had this sort of mom-son thing going on where they talked about each other as mom and son. | ||
| Yeah, that's weird. | ||
| If she was just a hot 35-year-old who had sex with a handsome 17-year-old boy... | ||
| Right. | ||
| 17, that's a man. | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| It's not the same thing. | ||
| If it was a 35-year-old man and a 17-year-old girl... | ||
| She directed the movie, too. | ||
| Does that change anything? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| She directed the movie? | ||
| She directed the movie. | ||
| The new one? | ||
| No, the movie 10 years ago when he was a 17-year-old. | ||
| Or a 7-year-old, rather. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know, man. | ||
| You know, she was 37 when he was 7? | ||
| She was 37. 37 when he was 17. She didn't make a move when he was 7, though. | ||
| No, she waited until he was 17. She's a good person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She got close to the wire. | ||
| She's like, I can't hold on anymore. | ||
| Enough already. | ||
| Will you move to New Jersey? | ||
| I won't. | ||
| Just get over here. | ||
| Here's the issue. | ||
| I just don't think it's the same thing. | ||
| Now, I think the only thing she's really guilty of here is hypocrisy and deception. | ||
| I don't think she's guilty of a sex crime, even though she technically is. | ||
| In my mind, I mean, maybe am I a sexist? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If I am, I'm sexist against men. | ||
| I think the guy's gonna be okay. | ||
| I don't buy that he was so damaged. | ||
| Not at that age. | ||
| Because if he was that damaged from her, he would have been damaged from a girl who was his age, too, who fucked him and then didn't call him anymore. | ||
| Right, that's the thing. | ||
| That's just emotions. | ||
| That's not a crime. | ||
| You know, you hear this argument, it's like, well, a boy can be affected. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| Everyone can be affected. | ||
| But that's not a crime. | ||
| In some of these instances where the teacher sleeps with the kid and it's a boy and he's 14 and people are like, oh, come on, he would love it. | ||
| Now, 14, you still don't know who you are. | ||
| You're still mixed up. | ||
| And again, we're back to the teacher-student dynamic. | ||
| It's a different situation. | ||
| She's manipulating you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So the question is, Is this dynamic equal to the teacher-student because she was the director and she played his mother and she clearly had some sort of a maternal love like sort of relationship with him early on and then it became sexual later. | ||
| But then she says he jumped her. | ||
| She says the horny kid jumped me. | ||
| That's what she said in her text to her friend when she's being honest. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Yeah, so maybe he did. | ||
| Maybe he was in love and pining for her the whole time. | ||
| Maybe that's one of the reasons why he came out and wanted money in the first place, because she's trying to get back at her, because she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. | ||
| And maybe they had a couple of drinks together, and she just didn't know what to do when he started making moves on her, and so she fucked him, because she's crazy. | ||
| That's possible, too. | ||
| I mean, is it a crime? | ||
| I mean, you're talking about a crime where if it was 200 days later, it's not a crime. | ||
| Like, really? | ||
| Is he going to learn a lot in 200 days? | ||
| The law's the law, Joe. | ||
| The law's the law. | ||
| Mr. Dragnet over there. | ||
| You know, the laws are on the books for a reason, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the law says 17. It doesn't say 16 and a half. | |
| It says 17 for a reason. | ||
| Johnny Lawyer over here. | ||
| Well, really, that's what it comes down to. | ||
| It's like, because it's so gray, and because there's so many things that can happen, you really have to come down to, well, is there a logic? | ||
| You should have to pull your pants down. | ||
| How much pubes you got? | ||
| Let me see what you got. | ||
| How big is your dick? | ||
| You're full grown. | ||
| Get the fuck out here, pussy. | ||
| That's not fair. | ||
| Oh, the pretty lady band. | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| I had a friend of mine who grew hair when he was like 12. He was the hairiest little Italian kid. | ||
| He had a mustache, full beard at 13. I'm sure his pubes were gigantic. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Legal. | ||
| Asia Argento. | ||
| Go fuck that guy. | ||
| He couldn't help it. | ||
| He would get a haircut and it would grow back by the time he got in the car. | ||
| He was just Italian. | ||
| Yeah, it's very complicated. | ||
| You know, the thing about her too is, you know, she had a consensual sexual relationship with Harvey Weinstein after the alleged incident where he ate her pussy and she didn't want him to. | ||
| Well, that's like the Cosby thing. | ||
| They keep coming back. | ||
| There was a couple that came back. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Were they aware that he drugged them the first time? | ||
| I don't know the details. | ||
| It sounded like it. | ||
| It sounded like they knew something was weird, but then they came back anyway. | ||
| You don't exonerate someone from a rape just because after the rape, you're friendly with them. | ||
| Right, because, you know, it's a big mental impact. | ||
| You don't know what's going on with them. | ||
| Not just that. | ||
| It's some people, they want to mitigate the effects of being raped by turning into something different. | ||
| So they maybe would establish a consensual relationship with the person after they raped them. | ||
| To try and take their power back a little? | ||
| Well, not just that. | ||
| To try to relieve themselves of the feeling of being a victim. | ||
| Like, almost make it consensual. | ||
| There's like a weird psychological dynamic that you and I will never understand as men. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We'll never understand it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because it's not the same. | ||
| It's just not the same. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| So if she went back, you know, with Harvey... | ||
| Like if a woman comes over your house, right? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If you're a single guy... | ||
| Am I in a cabin? | ||
| Is it a little cabin? | ||
| Yeah, a little tiny 325... | ||
| You're in Big Bear. | ||
| I'm in Big Bear. | ||
| You're wearing flannels and you're cutting wood. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And a girl comes over and she sucks your dick against your will. | ||
| You're like, don't stop. | ||
| I can't believe you're doing this. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| And then once it's over, you're like, well... | ||
| I don't want to feel like I got raped. | ||
| I'm just going to establish a relationship with this lady. | ||
| People would be like, shut the fuck up, Tom Papa. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| What was that Michael Douglas? | ||
| The difference is because you're a guy. | ||
| So you're not worried about your physical safety. | ||
| This is the real issue. | ||
| Physical safety. | ||
| I can't get pregnant. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I used to work out at this gay gym. | ||
| I used to work out at Gold's Gym on Cole. | ||
| And I say gay gym because it was just like a lot of gay guys. | ||
| Like really obvious, over-tan, you know, gay guys with like super thin tank tops with giant muscles and fucking combat boots and real aggressive leather like fucking paperboy hats on while they're working out. | ||
| Fucking gay. | ||
| But my point is, while I was in there working out, these guys would hit on you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you'd feel like guys were looking at you and hitting on you, and it made you uncomfortable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Well, welcome to being a woman, but not even really, because I could fuck those guys up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So I wasn't worried. | ||
| Go to the parking lot. | ||
| I'd be like, hey dude, this is going to get violent. | ||
| Stop trying to fuck me. | ||
| I can actually fuck you up. | ||
| Whereas if I'm a girl, I have to worry that I'm fumbling for my keys and this guy's behind me. | ||
| In the parking lot. | ||
| Yeah, and they want to push me into the car and take my pants off. | ||
| This is a real concern for women that men don't have. | ||
| So our ideas of what it would be like to be in a non-consensual relationship with a woman where she sucks your dick against your will is just not comparable. | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
| I mean, that's when that Michael Douglas movie came out, and it was the same thing. | ||
| It was the reverse. | ||
| I forget which movie it was. | ||
| She goes down on him, and he's like, no, stop it. | ||
| It's a work relationship. | ||
| And he's like, stop, don't. | ||
| Fatal Attraction? | ||
| No, it wasn't Fatal Attraction. | ||
| It wasn't Behind the Candelabra. | ||
| It was... | ||
| It was another movie, and it became like a thing. | ||
| It became like a joke because... | ||
| Disclosure. | ||
| Disclosure. | ||
| And who was the star? | ||
| Demi Moore. | ||
| Demi Moore. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, so she goes down on him, and they were trying to make the case that it could happen to a man, too. | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| And the culture was like, no. | ||
| Yes, thank God. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Yeah, she's a predator. | ||
| Yeah, she's a predator. | ||
| And he's like, I can't believe this. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| And he's like, get off of me. | ||
| Who wrote that? | ||
| A fantastic sex thriller, masterfully done. | ||
| That's fake news. | ||
| Who wrote that? | ||
| Well, good for them putting it out there and giving it a try. | ||
| I like how they always have that, like, fucking WCN TV, some shit you've never heard of. | ||
| WWORTV. Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Like, they're just dying for any quote whatsoever, so they just take some wonky quote from some Boise news station. | ||
| Some guy's drunk when he writes that, he's barely paying attention. | ||
| But now it's just someone with a blog. | ||
| It's like Don's Movie Hut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He loved it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've got a hut in the middle of the forest, and I watch films! | |
| When I was watching Roadhouse last night, he put a cassette in his Mercedes, in his car, he's playing music, shoved a cassette in there, and I was like, yes! | ||
| A fucking cassette! | ||
| My daughter got a cassette from one of her friends, a cassette player, so now she's looking for cassettes. | ||
| Can you still get them? | ||
| Like on eBay or something? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, like she has a bunch, but they're pretty obscure. | ||
| There's a real concern that everything that we have is digital, you know, and that we're moving to Kindles and e-books and all these different things and then downloadable music and less physical music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That anything that happens that wipes that stuff out, anything that wipes out the ability to play it or preserve the recording, we lose everything. | ||
| It'll be gone forever. | ||
| All information. | ||
| All of our information is becoming digital. | ||
| It's becoming more and more vulnerable while we're becoming more and more aware and more and more educated. | ||
| That we're at risk. | ||
| We're more aware that we're being attacked. | ||
| People are trying to steal this stuff and we're putting more of our faith in it. | ||
| Yeah, but what I'm saying is as we become more educated, not even with that, just the more information we accumulated, the more vulnerable that information is. | ||
| It's not like books that are like lock solid and they're always going to be there as long as you keep them in a fireproof container. | ||
| No, our knowledge itself is way more vulnerable than it's ever been before, yet way more advanced than it's ever been before. | ||
| That's really interesting. | ||
| Fucking weird. | ||
| But isn't it all backed up on the cloud? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Listen, man, I had Dr. Robert Shock on the podcast, who's a geologist from Boston University, and he freaked me the fuck out, talking about coronal mass ejections from the sun and what they believe happened somewhere around 12,000 years ago. | ||
| There was some sort of a gigantic solar event that caused lightning storms. | ||
| You know like when it's a storm and rain is coming down from the sky, like fucking buckets of rain everywhere? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He said it was like that with lightning. | ||
| And that lightning was literally turning the ground into glass in certain places. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Mass extinction of animals. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Mass extinction of people. | ||
| Like just lightning raining down on the whole planet? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I don't know if he's right. | ||
| Obviously it's a controversial theory that he was proposing. | ||
| But it's based on what they believe possibly happened with coronal mass ejections from the sun. | ||
| Which can and does happen. | ||
| And has happened in the past. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| I always think about that. | ||
| What's going to stop a giant asteroid all of a sudden heading our way? | ||
| Solar flares, they're happening all the time. | ||
| Yeah, it's just not with big intensity. | ||
| But why not have one build up and blast us? | ||
| Have you ever seen a comparison of the Earth next to the Sun? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When they show these solar flares are hundreds of times larger than the Earth itself. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| But it's far away, right guys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It'll be okay. | ||
| We're still going to have a barbecue this weekend. | ||
| A couple million miles. | ||
| How many miles is the sun away? | ||
| How many million? | ||
| How many million? | ||
| Yeah, the moon is 200. It varies and goes a little closer, a little further away, but somewhere around 260,000. | ||
| 260,000? | ||
| 93 million miles. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| The sun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 93 million. | ||
| Pull up a comparison. | ||
| The sun in comparison to the size of the earth. | ||
| And you realize, you're like, oh. | ||
| It's a million times bigger. | ||
| A million times bigger. | ||
| A million times bigger than the Earth. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| That's how big the sun is. | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| Say a solar flare pops off. | ||
| If it's that far away... | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Depends on how bad it is. | ||
| When we know about it, know it's coming for a while? | ||
| Yeah, you have a couple minutes. | ||
| Oh, that's it. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at the Earth. | ||
| 1.3 million Earths. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| Look at the Earth, though. | ||
| Look at the little dot. | ||
| Look at that little spot. | ||
| Right there. | ||
| Oh there. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Now look at those ejections. | ||
| Look at those flares. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh no. | |
| Look how big those flares are. | ||
| And then look at the size of the earth. | ||
| That's common. | ||
| That's every day. | ||
| That's happening all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you ever seen video of it? | ||
| It's fucking amazing, man. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Like what's happening on the sun right now should freak everybody the fuck out. | ||
| And it varies, you know? | ||
| It's a giant nuclear fireball. | ||
| Yeah, it's just a constant nuclear explosion. | ||
| Oh my god, look at that shit. | ||
| It looks so hot! | ||
| What a shit design, right? | ||
| How are you going to heat everything up? | ||
| We'll just put a big fucking fireball in the sky. | ||
| I mean, it's basically like a fireplace. | ||
| How crazy that it worked, though. | ||
| How crazy that it worked. | ||
| Oh, it works so good. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It works so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's one of the arguments that really dumb people use for religion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what are the odds that all this worked out this perfectly? | |
| That we're this close to the sun? | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| Scientists are trying to keep the creator from you. | ||
| Japan's trying to land an unmanned robot on an asteroid twice the distance from the sun. | ||
| It's 186 million miles away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| And next month they're going to be... | ||
| They're going to try and land on it? | ||
| Yes, September 21st. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| The Japanese? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I didn't even know they were in the space game. | ||
| It's orbiting it right now, apparently. | ||
| Well, the Japanese have the Himawari-8 satellite that takes gigantic high-resolution full photos of the Earth from 22,000 miles out every 10 minutes, somewhere around then. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, well, pull that up. | ||
| The Himawari-8, what's the details of the Himawari-8? | ||
| It's one of the best things to use against these flat-earth dorks. | ||
| Because for the longest time, one of the things they were saying is that there was no full photos of the Earth from space, that everything was just stitched together. | ||
| They don't know jack shit. | ||
| They're so fucking stupid. | ||
| It's such a scary, stupid theory. | ||
| Real time. | ||
| But this is real time. | ||
| Oh, look, it's nighttime. | ||
| How far away is the distance, the Himawari 8? | ||
| I think it's 22,000 miles. | ||
| Himawari 8. That's a satellite? | ||
| 22,241. | ||
| So the satellite is 22,000 miles above the Earth and it takes real-time photos every 10 minutes in high resolution. | ||
| They're like massive, massive photographs. | ||
| But they use it to predict weather and you can literally see storms coming in and shit. | ||
| It's so badass. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Look how you zoom in and zoom out. | ||
| I had no idea the Japanese were doing all this. | ||
| Oh, they're on the ball, son. | ||
| They make the best cars. | ||
| Their cars don't break. | ||
| You're fucking around with these Teslas. | ||
| That shit's gonna run out of the batteries in the desert. | ||
| I'm gonna be stuck. | ||
| You're gonna be with chapped lips like a Mad Max movie. | ||
| Just shuffling. | ||
| Trying to get to Nevada. | ||
| Trying to charge my car with a phone. | ||
| I have credit cards. | ||
| You can have my credit cards. | ||
| Just give me water. | ||
| You from California? | ||
| You some kind of queer? | ||
| It worked for a while. | ||
| You trying to queer us up? | ||
| I'm just listing my footprint, guys. | ||
| Oh, you're one of them electric car guys. | ||
| Yeah, how'd that work out with your conflict minerals? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're an electric car, you piece of shit. | |
| I just try to be nice to the planet, guys. | ||
| How could those cars not run on solar power? | ||
| That's what I don't get. | ||
| Especially in California. | ||
| Like, everything's solar. | ||
| Why don't you have a solar roof panel? | ||
| On the car itself, you mean. | ||
| To regenerate the battery. | ||
| The hood should be solar? | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at all the known asteroids from 1999 to 2018. What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| The fuck? | ||
| We live in a shooting gallery. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| NASA's identified more than 18,000 near-Earth objects. | ||
| They're just floating around all around us. | ||
| Discovery rate. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Back that up again. | ||
| The discovery rate averages, what did it say? | ||
| 40 per week. | ||
| It's asteroids. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| It literally is. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Back up. | ||
| Back up. | ||
| Chance of a large Earth asteroid hitting Earth is slim. | ||
| What? | ||
| But scientists will continue to monitor all known near-Earth objects for any potential collision with Earth. | ||
| They say with Slim... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I was talking to this one scientist. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| I was talking to this one scientist, and he was like, well, they already have plans in effect. | ||
| If they find asteroids, it's not something that I'm concerned with. | ||
| They're already thinking about that, and I think we'll be fine. | ||
| So then I talked to Neil deGrasse Tyson, and I said, how much time would we need to plan for an asteroid hitting us? | ||
| He goes, at least 10 years. | ||
| I'm like, What? | ||
| 10 years? | ||
| I go, 10 years? | ||
| And he goes, yeah. | ||
| I go, so we're fucked. | ||
| He goes, we'd be fucked. | ||
| I'm like, no! | ||
| This other guy lied to me! | ||
| Wait, what do you mean? | ||
| 10 years from when? | ||
| From when you find it to when we could figure out a way to stop it. | ||
| Oh, that it would take us to... | ||
| 10 years. | ||
| You're not just... | ||
| Oh, I... So asteroids coming towards Earth. | ||
| You need 10 years gap time between recognizing it's definitely going to hit Earth and having the ability and the technology to shift its direction. | ||
| Couldn't you just go and shoot a rocket at it? | ||
| No, bro. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| It doesn't work that way. | ||
| That's what happened in that movie. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Deep Impact or Armageddon? | ||
| The Will Smith one, right? | ||
| Oh, it was Armageddon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was it Will Smith? | |
| No, it was Samuel L. Jackson. | ||
| No. | ||
| Which one was Samuel L. Jackson, the president? | ||
| Was it Morgan Freeman? | ||
| Morgan Freeman. | ||
| I'm Morgan Freeman. | ||
| Did they give up on the Me Too against him? | ||
| Seems like they let it go. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I'm Morgan Freeman. | ||
| They tested the waters. | ||
| Leave me alone. | ||
| I didn't do anything. | ||
| What do you think about this Louis C.K. thing? | ||
| Louis C.K. has returned. | ||
| Yeah, he came back. | ||
| Everybody's going crazy. | ||
| Kyle Dunnigan did a... | ||
| Go to Kyle Dunnigan's page and pull out his Instagram. | ||
| Kyle Dunnigan, who has the best Instagram page. | ||
| The best. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| If you're not going there, it's Donald Trump congratulating Louis C.K. for his return. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey, Louis! | |
| Trump loved what you did at the comedy club. | ||
| So terrific. | ||
| Nobody knew what was happening until you were standing right in front of them spewing out your material. | ||
| Classic Louis. | ||
| Well, thank you, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't ask anyone if they wanted to see it. | |
| You gave them no choice but to watch you work it. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| I just went there to do some jokes. | ||
| They were good jokes. | ||
| Now people are like, oh, too soon. | ||
| I'm on stage forever. | ||
| You should have talked about the elephant in the room, though, okay? | ||
| Start off with something like, hey, I just flew in from California, and boy, are my arms tired from jacking off in the airplane the whole time. | ||
| It was terrific. | ||
| Everybody was trapped and they're forced to watch me. | ||
| Best plan of my life. | ||
| D'oh, are you crazy? | ||
| You mean that joke? | ||
| Okay, I gotta go, okay? | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| Louis CK, you're hilarious. | ||
| Hey, Louis. | ||
| Oh, he's so damn funny. | ||
| Shout out to Kyle Dunn. | ||
| My old roommate. | ||
| Is he really your old roommate? | ||
| Oh yeah, Kyle and I for sure. | ||
| Where'd you guys live together? | ||
| New York City in a horrible one-bedroom apartment. | ||
| Had no doors. | ||
| I was on a futon. | ||
| He was in the back. | ||
| We had no windows. | ||
| It was covered with roaches. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| No sink in the bathroom. | ||
| Look at you now, making bread on TV. Kyle Dunn gets mocking the president and one of the best comedians of our age. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, it's so great. | |
| Oh, what a mess. | ||
| What a mess. | ||
| What do you think about this? | ||
| Some people don't want him to come back. | ||
| Some people think he should be allowed to come back and he served time off. | ||
| And then the argument by a lot of women is, yeah, but he hasn't said anything. | ||
| He hasn't done anything. | ||
| Yeah, what is... | ||
| What shows that he's learned? | ||
| What should you have to do? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, Louie's very smart. | ||
| I'm sure if he wants to keep doing it after this reception, he'll probably come out with some statement or do something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But the reality is... | ||
| What did he lose? | ||
| They took away... | ||
| Networks took away his stuff. | ||
| Film distributors weren't going to put out his film. | ||
| But as a comedian... | ||
| By all accounts, the film was shit. | ||
| Anybody who's seen the film... | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| I have a few friends that saw it. | ||
| They're like, it's just so creepy and weird. | ||
| Especially in light of what he was doing. | ||
| Yeah, it's just like... | ||
| No, but regardless whether it was good or not, I'm just saying, like, the industry said... | ||
| FX said, I'm taking this show from you. | ||
| HBO said, we're taking this stuff off. | ||
| Netflix said, we're taking this off. | ||
| Well, he definitely lost money financially. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And those are entities that... | ||
| Okay, but is that punishment, or is that them exercising their desire to not work with someone who's been accused of something that they don't want to be associated with? | ||
| Is that a punishment? | ||
| That seems to me that they're making a decision of who they work with and who they not work with. | ||
| It affects him negatively, but it's not necessarily a punishment. | ||
| Well, I don't know. | ||
| I think it would feel like a punishment. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But my point is, there's these entities that can prevent him from making a living. | ||
| As a comedian, though, he can walk into a garage, and if he has fans, they're going to come see him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He has that under his control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody can stop that. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| So he can do it. | ||
| It's up to him whether he wants to or not. | ||
| It's up to his fans whether they show up or not. | ||
| And it's up to the people that hate what he did and are really against him to not go. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that's why this thing was weird, because he just showed up at the cellar, which is his favorite place to go, and he just worked out material. | ||
| And the audience, like Kyle was saying, is just, they're trapped in there and they can't get out. | ||
| They didn't have an option to say, I don't want to see him. | ||
| It's really interesting all the different spins, though. | ||
| All the different women's spins. | ||
| And one really bizarre spin that I saw was this woman was saying that this is indicative of the problem of all comedy clubs, an aggressive male audience, and women sitting there... | ||
| Feeling threatened not being able to use their voice. | ||
| I'm like, use their voice? | ||
| What are you going to heckle? | ||
| Are you saying you would be more empowered if there were more women so you could heckle? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not cool. | ||
| You're not supposed to do that at a comedy club. | ||
| If you don't like someone, just don't laugh. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| It's not your job or it's not your place to say that you don't like someone when the other people do like it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can get up and walk out. | ||
| Yeah, just like you're going to see a movie. | ||
| Like, you're an audience member. | ||
| The deal is, you're not there to perform. | ||
| The audience is there to just sit there and laugh or not laugh. | ||
| But don't be rude to the other people that are enjoying it. | ||
| So as soon as you put your sensibilities above the rest of the audience, well, you're a problem. | ||
| If you decide, like, hey, I didn't like this, I'm going to go home and write about it, that's totally your prerogative. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Get up and walk out. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| Or go somewhere else and talk about it on stage yourself. | ||
| Nothing wrong with any of those things. | ||
| But this one woman's take was like, women don't feel like they have the ability to speak out about it. | ||
| I'm like, speak out? | ||
| So you're saying to heckle, hey, I don't want you on stage. | ||
| I know everything about you and your story. | ||
| And it's up to me. | ||
| I don't want you to perform in front of me, even those other people are laughing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that these aggressive men were yelling, good to see you back, Louis. | ||
| Aggressive men. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's like, there's a framing of this. | ||
| And this is one of, it becomes this male versus female framing. | ||
| That Louis sort of represents aggressive men, sexual men, doing things to women they don't want. | ||
| The women are sitting there in silence. | ||
| They don't want to be there. | ||
| And they don't have a voice because they feel overwhelmed and overpopulated or outnumbered. | ||
| Well, the problem is those guys that Harvey and him and Matt Lauer and people like that, they are the poster boys for that. | ||
| So they're going to be watched very closely. | ||
| How does Matt Lauer fit into that? | ||
| I get confused by this one. | ||
| By all accounts, Matt Lauer had affairs, right? | ||
| In the office with girls who worked with him. | ||
| So what was inappropriate is he was having sex with his staff, right? | ||
| Right, but he was also hitting on people that didn't want to be hit on in his office. | ||
| Yeah, that was the accusations. | ||
| Yeah, it wasn't just he was dating them. | ||
| He was also, you know, making weird advancements in the office. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay. | ||
| But I mean, all these guys, you know, they're all very complicated. | ||
| They're all very fuzzy kind of things. | ||
| But, you know, those guys are going to be watched very closely. | ||
| As you see, Louis just goes to this little club and does a set, and it's national news and national debate. | ||
| It's like, it's... | ||
| It's heady stuff. | ||
| It's heady stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But what's fascinating is that as a culture, we're going through this great time of change and this great time of introspective thinking and of... | ||
| We're observing our behavior and discussing our behavior and watching this. | ||
| You have the worst case examples of which, in my opinion, is Cosby. | ||
| The worst case example, like drugging people and raping them. | ||
| I mean, there's a woman who was on television, on CNN. She said something that freaked me out once. | ||
| She said... | ||
| It is entirely possible that Bill Cosby is the most prolific serial rapist in history. | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| That's a big statement. | ||
| I heard that and I went, maybe she's right. | ||
| Maybe she's right. | ||
| Like, how many people does a regular rapist rape before they get caught? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I mean, that's the number that came out against him. | ||
| I'm sure there's other people that had... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that's like the far end of the spectrum. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then on the other end of the spectrum, you got like Louie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Who's... | ||
| Did something was definitely you wouldn't want to happen to your wife. | ||
| No, your kids. | ||
| Or your kids. | ||
| Or your friends. | ||
| I don't know the whole story. | ||
| You know, Kurt Metzger was telling me that one of the girls who came out against him, like, they had been flirting, like, the whole weekend and talking about sex, like, the whole weekend. | ||
| And then he did that. | ||
| And then he had sent the girl a text saying, I'm really sorry that I did that. | ||
| And she said, don't worry about it. | ||
| Look, we were talking about sex all weekend. | ||
| And then when the accusations came out, obviously there was more accusations that seemed to be more egregious. | ||
| She threw her hat into the mix as well. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I don't know if that's true or not, though. | ||
| The problem with a lot of these stories is you're hearing them third, fourth, fifth hand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't... | ||
| All you know is he said those stories are true and that he recognized that he did something wrong and he was going to take time off. | ||
| So that, to me, is not a guy defending himself. | ||
| That's a guy saying, yeah, I definitely fucked up. | ||
| I'm going to step back. | ||
| So he steps back for nine months or whatever it was, and people are saying, that's not long enough. | ||
| You didn't do anything. | ||
| You've got to... | ||
| So what what should someone do? | ||
| Like in one of the things that Michael Ian Black said on Twitter before they tore his dick off and stuffed it in his nose. | ||
| That was a crazy thing to watch because he's like super progressive, very liberal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was saying that, you know, like that Me Too has to offer men a road to redemption. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm hmm. | |
| And a lot of these women were saying, no, every road to redemption begins with, I'm sorry, which is a very valid point. | ||
| A very valid point. | ||
| You should have to say, I'm sorry. | ||
| And I think he's said, I'm sorry, but I don't know what he said to the women. | ||
| I don't know what he said. | ||
| He had the one public statement. | ||
| Did he say, I'm sorry, in that one public statement? | ||
| In that Times article, it was kind of like a veiled, I'm sorry, I think. | ||
| I don't know, Matt. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know, I hesitate to comment on any of it because it's like his mess. | ||
| And like if anyone that comments on it or comes near it or like the owner of the Comedy Cellar, everyone's got to deal with the aftermath of what this guy did. | ||
| It's like, why am I, you know, as the owner of the Cellar, it's like, why does he have to get brought into Louie's behavior? | ||
| Right. | ||
| for saying that Louis deserves the opportunity to make a living. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right, I saw that. | ||
| And they were going after Michael Che and his useless opinion, like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, but look, they're allowed their opinion that Michael Che's opinion is useless. | ||
| I mean, this is one of the beautiful things about free expression. | ||
| No, completely. | ||
| That's where it's kind of the most interesting for me. | ||
| And I don't mean that I take pleasure in any of this because it's horrible for everyone involved. | ||
| But... | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Like I said, there's companies that probably won't go back into business with him. | ||
| But as a comedian, he could put a show up in the park. | ||
| He could put a show up anywhere he wants. | ||
| It's really up to him. | ||
| And people can protest it. | ||
| They can not show up. | ||
| They can buy tickets by the thousands. | ||
| It's going to be interesting to see when he takes that part of his earning and that part of his life in his own hands. | ||
| You really can't stop him. | ||
| Yeah, in that way. | ||
| It's like how you frame it. | ||
| I don't think Louie's a bad guy at all. | ||
| I think what Louie is is a pervert. | ||
| And I think he's, you know, he's into... | ||
| I think part of it is like being naughty and doing something that's forbidden and, you know, and getting away with it and having these girls like him for being a comedian and then doing that to them. | ||
| I mean, this is my speculation. | ||
| There's a lot of weirdness to it. | ||
| But I don't think that he's like... | ||
| An angry person, and I don't think he's trying to be hurtful. | ||
| I don't think any of that was. | ||
| I think it's just terrible judgment. | ||
| Everything, I mean, you could say a lot about it that's fucked up, but it's like what it is is not He's not trying to hurt people. | ||
| I think he's just fucking weird. | ||
| Think about what it is. | ||
| He's asking, can I jerk off in front of you? | ||
| When it comes to that kind of creepy shit, it's the most considerate way to approach it. | ||
| Can I jerk off in front of you? | ||
| He's literally asking. | ||
| Adorable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's funny. | |
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| It is a mess. | ||
| I'm not diminishing the effect that it would have on a woman who respects him. | ||
| She just thinks he's our friend and next thing you know he's got his dick out. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| That's not what I'm saying. | ||
| It's a weird thing because those women were obviously very hurt. | ||
| And there's degrees of like, oh, they texted this or they said that. | ||
| To go out and do that to somebody in a powerful position and come out and say it and know that you're going to get hate from the world... | ||
| Risky. | ||
| They were in a place that they were hurt enough that they felt that they had to say something and do something. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And you just want, like on this personal level, you want them to be okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You want everybody to be okay. | ||
| You want them to be okay and feel like they had justice for coming out, being brave enough to come out and say something. | ||
| Well, you also want to protect people from that happening again. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| And then the only way, one of the only ways is like you got to kind of And there's definitely a feeling, you know, the comedy world is like separate and we kind of like, you know, it's a crazy environment and nightclub kind of a thing. | ||
| And what you heard once these women came out was, no, this is kind of inappropriate that girls, women can... | ||
| Can't come into a club and just feel okay. | ||
| Like they have to field all this stuff and guys hitting on them all the time. | ||
| Like it kind of made you look at the scene and be like, alright, maybe this scene could be cleaned up a little bit as well. | ||
| Well, it's like what I was saying about really a worse version of working out at a gay gym. | ||
| It's like if you go to a gay gym and you see men leer at you, you get that feeling that these guys want to have sex with you and you definitely don't want to have sex with them. | ||
| That is how women feel all the time. | ||
| And you're coming to the comedy store or wherever and you're trying to just start out as a comic. | ||
| That's such a big thing already. | ||
| And then you throw a whole other layer on it that everyone's hitting on you from the doorman to the headliner. | ||
| That's got to be a big thing. | ||
| And it's like... | ||
| So, I think that those women should feel good that it definitely... | ||
| They should... | ||
| It made an impact. | ||
| They should know that they've been heard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that they shined a light on something that even people that were in it, men that were in it, were unaware of. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They were definitely heard. | ||
| It's very difficult for people to consider, really objectively consider, other people's perspectives. | ||
| Like, really consider it. | ||
| People consider it in a convenient way. | ||
| Like, you know, they know what they can get away with, but do they really consider how the other person feels and thinks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, you know, that's on both sides. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| There's inconsiderate women, there's inconsiderate men, and then, you know, we both do it to each other, and then people develop bad traits and bad associations with the opposite sex, and it's a very common thing that people do. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| Situations where the discussion is so emotionally charged like this, it's good for us. | ||
| It's good for us. | ||
| It allows this public discourse. | ||
| It allows this public discussion of it. | ||
| And there hasn't been people that have gotten hurt by people. | ||
| That have come out and said it like in our scene where they're like nice people and they've been attacked. | ||
| It was very few. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it was like, hey, there's some big important people in this scene and they're acting inappropriately. | ||
| And, you know, you're right. | ||
| I think it's good. | ||
| It's definitely woke it up and moved it further. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I have a funny daughter. | ||
| I know you have a funny daughter. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| If they see our life and want to go pursue it, you want them to be able to go to a club and not have to deal with a whole other... | ||
| It's enough when you're starting out to get five minutes of good material and to get the audience to like you and get the respect of your peers. | ||
| Then you've got to worry about someone following you in the parking lot. | ||
| I have a friend of mine who's a comic and she got hit on by this other guy who's a comic. | ||
| Who shall remain nameless? | ||
| And she showed me some of the texts that he sent her, and I was like, holy shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And one of them was like, I'm the only one that can make you cum or something fucking crazy like that. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, what? | |
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| I'm like, hey, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So then it comes down to, okay, so these women were heard. | ||
| Obviously, it's created a movement, you know. | ||
| But then it becomes, on the other side, it becomes about, but did this man, was he punished enough? | ||
| And do we have control over whether or not he's allowed to come back as an audience? | ||
| Like, for a woman, like, the thing about a guy being angry with you, it carries that threat of physical danger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You know, that's a different thing. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I was thinking, I was on a hike the other day, and I was thinking about that fine line at the end of the night in a bar. | ||
| Those meathead guys who were trying to, like, hit on girls. | ||
| And when it doesn't work, they decide they're just going to fight instead. | ||
| Fucking lesbian. | ||
| No, that they're going to fight guys. | ||
| That's a fine line. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They're both almost violent acts. | ||
| It's like aggressively hitting on women and being like, it's not going to happen. | ||
| Well, screw it. | ||
| I don't like the way that guy's been looking at me. | ||
| I think it's just frustration. | ||
| They're just frustrated. | ||
| But looking at a male... | ||
| Doing that. | ||
| Like, it is an aggressive... | ||
| This is an aggressive animal here. | ||
| And one minute he could have been... | ||
| I could have said yes and brought him home with me. | ||
| Well, he said no, and now he's punching that guy in the parking lot. | ||
| How often does that happen, though? | ||
| Is that really a common narrative? | ||
| Yeah, whenever... | ||
| Guys don't get laid, they try to hit on girls, and they just beat the shit out of each other? | ||
| Yeah, it seems like it happens all... | ||
| It seems like it happens all the time. | ||
| All this sex in my body, I need to beat out on you, bro. | ||
| Even in the village, you're walking down the street and there's just like an angry frat group of guys just like raging drunk. | ||
| You know they were trying to get laid ten minutes earlier. | ||
| Yeah, male angst. | ||
| My point being that men are formidable, dangerous, gross creatures. | ||
| They're gross. | ||
| Yeah, and they're big and they're hairy. | ||
| That's why there's seven billion people, because men are gross and they shoot loads into each other. | ||
| Everybody's shooting lows into people. | ||
| Especially at your weightlifting gym. | ||
| I had a gay friend in New York. | ||
| What was the name of that gym there? | ||
| David Barton or something like that? | ||
| David Barton? | ||
| It's like some kind of health club in New York. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it was... | ||
| It was mostly gay men. | ||
| And my friend said, he said, no, you don't understand. | ||
| It's really, I mean, it's to the point where when you're working out on a machine, there are pin lights that come right down on your bicep. | ||
| The lighting is made to make you look sexier while you're working out. | ||
| He said it was the greatest gym of all time. | ||
| They have, like, specific kind of lighting to accentuate the musculature? | ||
| Yeah, like if I was on a curling machine right now, there'd be a light that came from the ceiling that hits where your biceps are. | ||
| To make the shadows, to make the peaks look bigger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's about sex. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're working out. | ||
| Well, if you go to a regular gym, you see people hitting on each other all the time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| David Barton gym. | ||
| Yeah, that looks sexy. | ||
| The one in Chelsea. | ||
| Doesn't that look sexy? | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Dumbbells. | ||
| Oh, those dumbbells. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's sexy. | |
| What is that? | ||
| That looks like a bar. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Oh, those are machines. | ||
| Those are cardio machines. | ||
| Yeah, up top. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| Sex is a weird thing. | ||
| It is, for sure. | ||
| Well, it's even weirder when it's packaged with advertising and sleekness and music and then you see it in real life and people are- Sex sells, baby! | ||
| And then on this social media and everyone's sticking their ass out and, you know, it's like there's so much going on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's so much. | ||
| We're so overstimulated with sexual imagery. | ||
| Do you feel like you'll be grateful when you're old and your sex drive is gone? | ||
| No, I'll be almost dead then. | ||
| I'll be like, sad. | ||
| What do you hate, sex? | ||
| No, it's not about sex being bad. | ||
| It's about being an asshole. | ||
| And it's also about the shit roll of the dice that you get if you're physically unattractive, when it's difficult to get someone who's attracted to you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| That's hard, too. | ||
| That is hard. | ||
| That is an inescapable reality of some people's bodies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Some people are just, they have bad genetics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it must be insanely frustrating. | ||
| It's got to be frustrating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then you've got to just find someone else that's funny looking. | ||
| Then you don't want them. | ||
| Yeah, make yourself want them. | ||
| You want Demi Moore to hit on you the way she hit on Michael Douglas in that movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How come I can't be in this disclosure movie? | |
| Do you know that people are mad that someone's playing the elephant man, but that they're an able-bodied person? | ||
| This is the most recent PC uproar, that they hired an able-bodied actor to play the elephant man. | ||
| Well, how many... | ||
| Elephant men are in the Actors Guild. | ||
| It's just exhausting. | ||
| It's exhausting keeping up with everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything is outrageous. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, this is the time, like you said, like... | ||
| Getting outrage in discussions and then it'll kind of come back to a normal spot. | ||
| Stranger Things stars casting an Elephant Man remake criticized by a disability charity. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| You need a good actor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You just can't make everybody happy. | ||
| And by the way, here's the thing, no disrespect to the disability charity, but a lot of these disability charities criticize this just so that they can highlight their charity and it's very good for the charity if they criticize things. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because it makes people aware of it, it becomes a big public story, and then they get donations. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not bad for them. | ||
| You've got to consider the source. | ||
| I mean, they're probably just artists trying to make the film, and, you know, who knows? | ||
| If they're good people, then you know that they're going to respect it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| You need a disability person in there. | ||
| A person with disabilities to play a person with disabilities. | ||
| Period. | ||
| You piece of shit. | ||
| But isn't that what acting is? | ||
| Shut the fuck up and let people of disability speak. | ||
| Yeah, but I thought acting was pretending. | ||
| How about this? | ||
| I thought acting was doing something that you're not. | ||
| First people of color speak, then women of color, then women, then gay, lesbian, straight, trans, bisexual, asexual, intersexual, then you, you fucking white male bread-making piece of shit! | ||
| I just make bread. | ||
| Leave me out of all of your crazy sex condom. | ||
| I don't know what's going on with all you guys whacking off. | ||
| Do you want to be an ally or not? | ||
| You son of a bitch! | ||
| Look, I'm just trying to show you the best cupcakes in New York. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| What are you doing in L.A.? Are you going to film in L.A.? Yeah. | ||
| We did Vito's Pizza. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| Where's Vito's Pizza? | ||
| Vito's Pizza right by Largo. | ||
| Between Largo and the Comedy Store. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a good pizza place in L.A.? The best pizza in L.A. Fuck out of here. | |
| I'm telling you. | ||
| How good is it? | ||
| He came from New Jersey. | ||
| His name's Vito. | ||
| He's got his sourdough starter. | ||
| Is he one of those guys with chips in the water? | ||
| No. | ||
| He says it's not about the water. | ||
| That's a farce. | ||
| He goes, you just have to know what you're doing. | ||
| Have good ingredients. | ||
| Impeccable. | ||
| Because he knows how to make the dough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy's legit. | ||
| He's spraying the water and he's lying about it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Vito's the real deal. | ||
| Vito's got trucks of water in his backyard. | ||
| He's not telling nobody. | ||
| Vito! | ||
| Fucking Vito! | ||
| Look at that meatball sub. | ||
| There he is! | ||
| Look at that fucking meatball sub. | ||
| Ooh, that looks so good. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| If I was going to go off my diet, I would be eating that meatball sub. | ||
| Oh, it's so good. | ||
| Spaghetti looks very good as well. | ||
| Everything this guy makes is amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, Vito. | |
| It literally smelled like my grandmother's house. | ||
| Damn, look at that cannoli, Vito, you motherfucker. | ||
| I'm in ketosis over here. | ||
| Why you gotta fucking do this to me, Vito? | ||
| Come on, Joe. | ||
| When you're off it and we're at the store, we'll go to Vito's. | ||
| It's literally down the street. | ||
| I'm on it right now. | ||
| For how long? | ||
| I go on and off. | ||
| I'll go on it for a few months. | ||
| I'll go off it for a few months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I mean, occasionally I'll have a cheat day, so it'll knock me out of ketosis for a few hours and knock me back. | ||
| Just a few hours. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, right now I'm in, you would call it mild ketosis. | ||
| If you look at my piss strip, I put it up on my Instagram. | ||
| There's a chart. | ||
| It shows you like the darkest to the lightest. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm in like mid, so I've only been on it for five days, six days. | ||
| How do you feel? | ||
| I always feel good. | ||
| I get used to doing it. | ||
| I'm used to it. | ||
| It seems weird. | ||
| It seems like I'm not on that spectrum at all. | ||
| It's because it dried out a little bit before I put it up to... | ||
| What happens if you eat a slice of Vito's? | ||
| It'll knock me down to that negative. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Where it's nothing. | ||
| That quickly. | ||
| One slice? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm somewhere in the range of moderate. | ||
| Moderate ketosis. | ||
| Moderate ketosis. | ||
| But again, I pissed on it and then I let the strip sit for a little bit and it dried. | ||
| And it looks a little weird. | ||
| This is disgusting. | ||
| Anyway, what it does for me though, it's very good for my appetite and there's cognitive benefits. | ||
| You feel sharper? | ||
| Yeah, my mind feels clearer when I'm on it, yeah. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| I think there's a certain amount of fog that comes with carbohydrate consumption. | ||
| Too much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, carbohydrate consumption in general. | ||
| When you eat carbohydrates, post-carbohydrate consumption is like a lack of mental clarity, like a downturn of the way your brain functions. | ||
| You know what I call that? | ||
| Sleepy time. | ||
| Nap time. | ||
| Nappy time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sweet, sweet nap time. | ||
| Nap time. | ||
| Well, you and I contrast in many ways, my friend. | ||
| I try and dial it in. | ||
| I don't eat this stuff all the time, but you know. | ||
| Yeah, but look, you love it. | ||
| I do love it. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| It's a celebration of life. | ||
| And one of my favorite dishes on planet Earth is linguine with clams. | ||
| I love it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so good. | |
| When I want to go off, like when I was in Italy, I was in Italy a couple weeks ago. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| I ate it every day. | ||
| Ravello. | ||
| Ravello, where's that? | ||
| Amalfi Coast. | ||
| Went to Capri. | ||
| We took a boat to Capri and we ate there. | ||
| It's fucking phenomenal food. | ||
| The food was outrageous. | ||
| So fresh clams with the... | ||
| Fresh sardines, man. | ||
| Filets. | ||
| Sardine filets in olive oil. | ||
| So good. | ||
| The best. | ||
| So good. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| So good. | ||
| Clams, the clams, everything was so fresh. | ||
| But it was interesting, there was Valentin Thomas, who was a professional spearfisher person she was on the other day, and she was saying that the oceans in that area are completely overfished. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's almost impossible for a regular person to go there and catch a fish. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| They just overfished everything. | ||
| It's such a bummer being alive now. | ||
| It's such a bummer that everywhere you go, it's always the end of whatever. | ||
| It's the end of the coral reef. | ||
| It's the end of these animals running through the woods. | ||
| It's the end of... | ||
| It's such a bummer. | ||
| It is, in a lot of ways. | ||
| Even I try to show my kids nice nature videos like I used to watch with my dad, and everyone at the end is like, but this is going away. | ||
| It's just like, ugh, it sucks. | ||
| Some of it is going away. | ||
| Isn't most of it? | ||
| I mean, it's how you look at it. | ||
| It's like we're definitely in an unsustainable path, right, in terms of just what we're doing agriculturally. | ||
| If you talk to farmers and you appreciate what they do with large-scale agriculture, you're not supposed to grow food in the same plot of land for fucking 50 years. | ||
| Corn. | ||
| And just constantly throwing minerals on the ground and constantly growing. | ||
| And then you get these minerally deficient plants. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, they're just not the same. | ||
| And it's just not good for... | ||
| You're not... | ||
| Yeah, the only thing it's good for is like deer. | ||
| Because deer can come by and eat all your corn whenever you want. | ||
| You get a high population of deer in the area. | ||
| You're not supposed to feed cattle corn either. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's also like wildlife is supposed to exist in wildlife habitat, which is like forests and grasslands and meadows and valleys. | ||
| And sun-fed plants. | ||
| Yeah, and they're supposed to be wandering around eating all these things. | ||
| They're not supposed to be existing in these massive thousand acre cornfields. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| It's there. | ||
| You've like white tail deer to a certain extent in this country have become like farm animals. | ||
| They're like a weird farm animal. | ||
| That's not an offense. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They're just always around farms, just eating farm food. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like my friend Doug had this interesting thought about that. | ||
| He was like, these are... | ||
| He goes, my cows are eating grass because he has a farm. | ||
| The cows are eating... | ||
| The cows are natural, right? | ||
| They're organic. | ||
| They're eating grass. | ||
| My deer are eating GMO corn. | ||
| I go, so the deer that are on my property that are wild, the wild animals, are not organic. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Because they're eating something that's totally unnatural for them to eat, which is GMO corn. | ||
| Corn is everywhere. | ||
| And it's GMO corn. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because he's growing this corn that's like... | ||
| Modified. | ||
| Yeah, it's like Monsanto corn. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So he's growing this Roundup fucking sprayed corn that these deer are eating. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| It's so bizarre. | ||
| Which is wild deer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But yet, the cows that are in captivity are grazing naturally on grass, and they're 100% organic. | ||
| Jeez, that's weird. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| I was reading that whole fertilizer thing, that we weren't able to get nitrogen out of the air until this one scientist did it. | ||
| Fritz Haber. | ||
| Fritz Haber. | ||
| Yeah, that was the same guy who created Zyklon gas. | ||
| He was a Nazi, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he was a Jew. | ||
| Oh, he was a Jew? | ||
| He was a Jew in Germany. | ||
| And the Nazis took it? | ||
| Well, in World War I, he was the guy who created the gas that they used to spray on the Allies. | ||
| And he actually, at the same time, he created the Haber Method for extracting nitrogen from the atmosphere, which led to... | ||
| They think that the nitrogen in people's... | ||
| There's a great Radiolab podcast on it. | ||
| I think it's called The Bad Show. | ||
| And it shows how sometimes good people also do horrible things. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And Fritz Haber was one of the ones that they highlighted. | ||
| But when they were going to give him the Nobel Prize for creating the Haber Method for extracting nitrogen from the atmosphere, the air around us is 80% nitrogen. | ||
| But you couldn't get it out. | ||
| Right, you couldn't get it out. | ||
| He figured out how to get it. | ||
| When we breathe, we think we're breathing in oxygen mostly. | ||
| No, it's mostly nitrogen and then some oxygen. | ||
| And he figured out how to get it out and turn it into fertilizer and use it Geez. | ||
| Geez. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then they used his gas for the concentration camps. | ||
| They used his gas on his family. | ||
| On his family. | ||
| Check this out. | ||
| On his extended family, because he created Zyklon gas, but he put... | ||
| And Zyklon A, there's a smell that they attached to it, so that you were aware of when the gas was present. | ||
| So like if you were working with it, if there was a leak, it was a very obvious smell. | ||
| The Nazis took Zyklon A and removed that smell and turned it to Zyklon B, which they used to spray the people in the concentration camp when they murdered the Jews. | ||
| And his family got caught? | ||
| Some of his extended family was killed with the very gas that he created. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, and then he died. | ||
| He was exiled from Germany. | ||
| The whole thing was horrible. | ||
| He was a Jew. | ||
| And so he tried to stand up for Jews as scientists and as people, and it was like slowly getting pushed out as the Nazis were taking control. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And then he wound up leaving the country, and he died of a heart attack. | ||
| He had terrible health. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he died, like, I think he was going to Switzerland for treatment, and he wound up dying. | ||
| Jeez Louise. | ||
| Didn't his wife kill herself? | ||
| His wife shot herself in the chest. | ||
| In front of, well, it was him and his son, and he left his 13-year-old son with his dead wife and then went back to war. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She did it because? | ||
| Because he was killing people with gas. | ||
| Well, his gas was being used, right? | ||
| She was apparently gravely, she was a scientist as well. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| And she was gravely upset at the direction that his science had taken, that he was involved in this new thing. | ||
| I mean, can you imagine you're the architect of this new method of killing people? | ||
| Mass extermination. | ||
| Right, but then here's the other problem with that. | ||
| God, that's such a crazy story! | ||
| It's crazy, but what does that mean? | ||
| Like, he's too good at killing people? | ||
| Oh, we don't believe in killing people by having them choke to death on the fluid in their lungs that's built up because of poison. | ||
| We would rather you take a bullet to the dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what the fuck? | |
| We're in war. | ||
| Yeah, they're shooting cannons at people. | ||
| They have these gigantic 50mm guns. | ||
| They're blowing people to smithereens. | ||
| And that's okay, but the gas is not okay. | ||
| Like, we have rules for how we're supposed to kill people. | ||
| We kill the right way. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck? | ||
| We're dropping nuclear bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. | ||
| Nuclear bombs that are completely indiscriminate, wipe out entire cities, kill hundreds of thousands of people in one blast. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| But that's clean. | ||
| That gas, bro. | ||
| That gas is dirty. | ||
| You're an asshole to use the gas, bro. | ||
| Terrible story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| It's a very terrible story. | ||
| It's a weird story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So they took that and that's where fertilizer came from. | ||
| You know where he went wrong? | ||
| He was trying to fund the war effort by extracting gold from the ocean. | ||
| He was convinced that just like his Haber method of extracting nitrogen from the air, he was going to be able to... | ||
| Because the ocean has gold in it. | ||
| It's very small amounts of gold, but he felt like if you could get it all together, it would be a large amount. | ||
| And he could extract that gold from the ocean and then use it to fund the war effort. | ||
| Sounds like you and I have a treasure hunt. | ||
| I think we know what to do once the bread show's done. | ||
| The gold show with Tom and Joe. | ||
| You and I with scuba gear on, fucking money bags. | ||
| The Haber gold process is unique for several reasons. | ||
| It effectively is capable of yielding extraction efficiencies with complex ores in the high 90% range with gold purity in the 99% range. | ||
| Pre-processing prior to process, we carefully analyzed the ore for the content of other minerals and ore constituents. | ||
| So is this something that they actually use? | ||
| See, maybe they use it now. | ||
| I think they use it for other things other than gold, too. | ||
| This is cyanide. | ||
| Aliminate cyanide. | ||
| He was a genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's cool. | |
| Yeah, he was a genius. | ||
| But I don't... | ||
| The gold thing didn't pan out. | ||
| Wink, wink. | ||
| Nudge, nudge. | ||
| No pun intended. | ||
| Get it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pan for gold? | |
| It didn't work, but he apparently worked on that for years and years and it just never came to fruition. | ||
| That was his failure, but his big success. | ||
| He felt like he was going to recreate the nitrogen method with the gold method. | ||
| Figure out another way to just be a hero for Germany. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| What an amazing story. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| So now we're left with corn being fed to cows. | ||
| All our steak has corn in it. | ||
| It is awful. | ||
| But here's the thing, you know, as I read about that stuff, and, you know, you read about it's such an unnatural thing that we're doing to the cattle to feed them this corn and all this stuff. | ||
| But are we at a point where there's just so many people on the planet that this is the only way you can do it? | ||
| Or is there other ways to do it? | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I'm going to read you something, because people are always complaining about the methane gas that's produced by cows, and that was one of the big arguments that people would say. | ||
| One of the reasons why people should not eat cows is because if you do eat cows, like say if you're on that carnivore diet and all you eat is cows, it has a massive negative contribution to the environment. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But Sean Baker sent me this scientific overview, and it says, in the environmental side of the United States, the entirety of all plants and animal agriculture contributes to 9% of the total U.S. greenhouse gas emissions. | ||
| Animal agriculture makes up about 4%, and cattle specifically about... | ||
| 1.9% based on the latest EPA data. | ||
| If every single person in the United States gives up eating meat and went vegan and every single animal were to magically disappear, the overall worldwide effect on greenhouse gas emissions would be about less than 1% difference. | ||
| He said he spoke with Professor Frank Interesting. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| But there's a lot that goes, it's not just the gas that's coming off of, right? | ||
| Well, this is the methane question. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, the real concern that keeps coming up. | ||
| Like, I had this lady on yesterday, and she's on this carnivore diet, which it seems to me that she's got, she had some, she has massive autoimmune issues. | ||
| Like, had her hip replaced when she was 17, had her ankle replaced, like, massive arthritis issues. | ||
| And she's on this diet of all meat. | ||
| And several other people are on this diet as well. | ||
| They're calling it the carnivore diet. | ||
| They're experiencing, at least for the short term, they're experiencing these tremendous benefits. | ||
| So the critics are saying, you're contributing to greenhouse gases and methane. | ||
| You're ruining the environment by eating beef. | ||
| And he's saying, well, not really. | ||
| The amount is very small in comparison to all the other issues. | ||
| It's like less than 1% of the greenhouse gases. | ||
| But then they also hear on that argument that it's really oil that is being used, right? | ||
| It's still a carbon-based thing to transport the food. | ||
| From the farming all the way through the transporting to getting rid of the waste, to doing all of it, that there's... | ||
| For now, but Tesla's making semis. | ||
| They're constructing these gigantic, super cool-looking fucking Tron semis that they're going to operate entirely on batteries. | ||
| And once that happens, you have automated, battery-controlled trucks. | ||
| Then I think the real problem is going to be people out of jobs. | ||
| That's going to be a giant crisis. | ||
| The robots. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Especially for drivers. | ||
| Apparently, for men in particular, some massive number in the millions of people in this country rely on driving for a living. | ||
| That's a big part of their job. | ||
| They're drivers. | ||
| It's a giant industry. | ||
| Well, they say that's happening now across all industries. | ||
| Automation. | ||
| Yeah, that automation is putting so many people out of work. | ||
| Yeah, I'm going to talk to Bernie Sanders about that. | ||
| Are you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| No way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Me and Bernie have been emailing each other. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Bernie, that would be a great one. | ||
| Joe! | ||
| I'd like to talk to that guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I also want to talk to other people that are proponents of universal basic income. | ||
| And Elon has said that he thinks that this is going to be a real factor in the future, universal basic income. | ||
| So this is a Tesla truck that we're looking at right now in a video, which looks like a rolling Apple store. | ||
| Is anyone in that? | ||
| It's from yesterday in Iowa. | ||
| They showed it off. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| 26 cameras on board. | ||
| That's so dope. | ||
| Where's the batteries? | ||
| Is that in the bottom? | ||
| Is the bottom the batteries? | ||
| Is that driving itself? | ||
| Or is there someone driving that? | ||
| No, the trailer is all batteries. | ||
| You have to strap all your packages to the roof. | ||
| The interesting thing is the price. | ||
| The price is supposed to be around $200,000. | ||
| For one of those? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, this is what we do. | ||
| We buy one of those bitches and we turn it into a roving podcast studio. | ||
| It drives us across the country. | ||
| That would be the coolest. | ||
| We talk shit in the back. | ||
| Wait, it's driving on its own or there is a human driving it? | ||
| That one had a human driving it. | ||
| I don't believe these are in production yet. | ||
| What is he chasing off? | ||
| Prototype. | ||
| Look at that dork chasing it. | ||
| I gotta get a selfie! | ||
| Hey, is that a teflot truck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yo, I'm trying to get a selfie! | |
| I'm chasing the truck! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm gonna get a selfie! | |
| I'm gonna run! | ||
| At the end, he's running. | ||
| He's like, I can run too! | ||
| That is the coolest. | ||
| I had a gig up in, a last minute gig in Yosemite. | ||
| There's a casino up there to open for Smokey Robinson. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What was that like? | ||
| It was the coolest. | ||
| Did you meet him? | ||
| I did meet him. | ||
| I met him once before. | ||
| There's actually a cool story about meeting him, but I was going to take the Tesla up. | ||
| You ran out of juice? | ||
| Yeah, I was trying to plot. | ||
| Will I be able to do it? | ||
| Get rid of that piece of shit. | ||
| No problem. | ||
| No problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck out of here. | |
| They're everywhere now. | ||
| Supercharger near Fresno. | ||
| Oh yeah, just plan out eight hours in advance. | ||
| You can pull over for eight hours and let your shit charge up. | ||
| No. | ||
| What a good move. | ||
| It factors in that you're only going to need 20 minutes of charge or 30 minutes of charge. | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| I'm telling you, I did it. | ||
| Fuck out of here. | ||
| You're stopping for 20 minutes at a time? | ||
| Yeah, well, if you stop and pee and get a coffee. | ||
| Read a book. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Take a shit. | ||
| Go over your Twitter feed. | ||
| The car's out there charging. | ||
| Get out of here, man. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| Get a goddamn car like a man. | ||
| It was so great. | ||
| Get a Mustang. | ||
| Need something with some rumble to it. | ||
| It was such a nice drive. | ||
| Don't you have a midlife crisis or something to attend to? | ||
| Going through the prairie of Yosemite at sunrise. | ||
| What if your bread show takes off? | ||
| Get yourself a Corvette. | ||
| Are you laughing? | ||
| You would never drive a Corvette? | ||
| If you had to drive... | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's such an East Coast life dream. | |
| Tony Hinchcliffe got a Corvette. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah, he calls himself. | ||
| He says he has Corvette confidence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When I text him, I text him, hashtag Corvette confidence. | |
| But for real, when you drive a car that's fun, he's like, dude, I drive it to work. | ||
| It's a game changer. | ||
| He goes, as I'm driving to the comedy store, I get fired up. | ||
| It's fast. | ||
| It rumbles. | ||
| He goes, especially to the ice house because it's further away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get that car. | |
| I have a VW Bug that's just... | ||
| Shut your mouth. | ||
| Don't ever compare a VW Bug to a fucking Corvette. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You son of a bitch. | |
| Just having the engine and you're shifting and the smell of gas, it does something to you, for sure. | ||
| No, I love VW bugs. | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| They're very mechanical. | ||
| Do you have an old one? | ||
| 67. Oh, those are the real ones. | ||
| Yeah, it's beautiful. | ||
| A little sewing machine in the back. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| They're so light, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what they've done with those? | ||
| They've taken those old VW bugs and put an old Porsche engine in the back. | ||
| I know, there's a lot of people doing that. | ||
| With the buses, too. | ||
| Yeah, so they put like a 170 horsepower old Porsche engine, which doesn't seem like a lot. | ||
| 170 horsepower is not a lot, but the car weighs nothing. | ||
| Yeah, with the gas tanking in the front of your car. | ||
| And you've got those little tiny skinny-ass tires on it, too, so they spin out all over the place. | ||
| I think the beauty of it is that you have the original engine and you're just kind of puttering along. | ||
| But everyone gets annoyed. | ||
| It's like a slow clown car. | ||
| People cut you off just to get around you. | ||
| They just don't even want to look at you. | ||
| In this day and age, I mean, you think about how fast Teslas are. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Those things are unbelievably fast. | ||
| It's another sensation. | ||
| It's definitely satisfying. | ||
| It's not that gasp. | ||
| But there's a... | ||
| I'm telling you, the sunrise was coming up and I'm just... | ||
| Silent, no other cars around, just going through this prairie. | ||
| Going to meet Smokey Robinson. | ||
| Let me stop for an hour and a half to get some electricity. | ||
| Ooh, I can drive for two hours now. | ||
| Pull over. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| How much time do you have to plan out just for charging? | ||
| Extra five hours? | ||
| I spent a good day trying to figure out my route. | ||
| No, but here's the rock star move. | ||
| I had met Smokey once before in New York. | ||
| We did a charity for kids in the arts. | ||
| Kid rock. | ||
| Kids rock or something. | ||
| Kids Who Rock or School of Rock, something like that. | ||
| Anyway, I'd met him before, so I was excited to take the gig, and I figured I'll meet Smokey Robinson. | ||
| It's an outdoor arena. | ||
| You know, it's an outdoor event. | ||
| And they just used me to burn time while the sun went down so that he could come out at nighttime. | ||
| And so I'm sitting there with a guy that I'm just talking to and Smokey comes out of, you know, our dressing rooms are trailers because it's outside in this gravel driveway and stuff. | ||
| And Smokey comes out. | ||
| He's like 78 now. | ||
| He's in all red, red jumpsuit, red cool jacket, red leather boots. | ||
| And he comes out and I'm like, all right, I'll get to say hi to Smokey. | ||
| The SUV door opens, he goes right into this SUV. And he drives literally 20 feet and drops them off at the stage so he could go right up onto the stage. | ||
| He didn't even want to get his boots dirty on the gravel walkway. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Yeah, so they literally put him in this SUV. I'm telling you, from here to the end of your studio, they just dropped him off and he went right up on stage like that. | ||
| That's Smokey! | ||
| That is a kick-ass rockstar move. | ||
| That's if you don't want to keep your, you know, you won't want to get your boots dirty. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| Yeah, comedians don't think that way. | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm walking in my dress shoes across the thing. | ||
| Yeah, you just get them all dirty and fucked up. | ||
| I feel like I'm one of the people that way. | ||
| Yeah, right, exactly. | ||
| We're not rockstars. | ||
| Yeah, rockstar's a different thing, man. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Especially that, that kind of smooth... | ||
| This guy's been a rockstar for a long time. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| My parents were listening to him when they were teenagers, you know? | ||
| I mean, that's a long time that he's been, still has the voice, still has the cool moves. | ||
| Is he, like, healthy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The way he can move well? | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Wow, that's amazing. | ||
| And he's got this really cool, like... | ||
| Does he exercise? | ||
| Did you talk to him at all? | ||
| I didn't, no. | ||
| I would like to talk to someone that's that old, that's been around for that long. | ||
| Like, Mick Jagger, apparently, is just an exercise fanatic. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I heard. | ||
| Yeah, he exercises twice a day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he realizes this is the only way. | ||
| The only way he can keep this up. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| I mean, he's in his 70s. | ||
| The only way his body's going to maintain health is he's got to consistently exercise. | ||
| So funny that he's next to Keith. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Who's the total opposite way to go. | ||
| The miracles. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Smokey. | ||
| Yeah, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
1965. 65. That picture's from 65? | |
| Already a star. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| God. | ||
| What does he look like today? | ||
| Very similar. | ||
| Google Smokey Robinson in 2018. Is that him? | ||
| Well, that's Tony Bennett in Lady Gaga, so that's probably serious. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Go to that picture. | ||
| Make that picture bigger. | ||
| He looks pretty goddamn good for 70. Looks good. | ||
| Lady Gaga looks smokin'. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She looks like she's gonna be great in that movie. | ||
| Sometimes you forget how hot she is. | ||
| She's in New Stars Born. | ||
| Somebody tell me she wasn't hot. | ||
| I'm like, bitch, you're out of your mind. | ||
| She's a talent. | ||
| If you were in Lady Gaga, you tell me you wouldn't smash... | ||
| You ever see those videos of her when she was in NYU or something, just starting out? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's super talented. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| In a weird way, right? | ||
| Yeah, well, her own way. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, she's amazing. | ||
| Powerful Smokey Robinson. | ||
| Look at Smokey. | ||
| Yeah, we don't have any comics that are that old right now. | ||
| Rickles. | ||
| Dead. | ||
| Yeah, once George Carlin died, he was like our last great touring stand-up that was, you know, of that age from the 60s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No one else is like that that's still around. | ||
| No. | ||
| Joan Rivers gone. | ||
| Rickles gone. | ||
| You know who is? | ||
| Bob Newhart. | ||
| Bob Newhart's doing stand-up? | ||
| Yep, still doing gigs. | ||
| Did he take a long time off and start doing them again or something? | ||
| No, he just would always kind of quietly do it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No kidding. | ||
| Have you seen him? | ||
| I've never seen him. | ||
| And I actually, he was on Conan the other night. | ||
| And I was going to try and get tickets to see him in the Palm Desert. | ||
| Burr and I were planning on going to see Cosby before the scandal broke. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because we were talking to him one night at the store, and we'd always heard how good he is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta go see him. | ||
| You gotta go see him. | ||
| Like Chris Rockett said, dude, he fucking killed. | ||
| He killed for two hours. | ||
| He went on stage with no opening act. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just walks out there, and he starts talking, and he just starts crushing. | ||
| And he goes, I was blown away. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chris Rock was saying this. | ||
| He goes, I went to see him. | ||
| I was like, God damn, man, I'm an amateur. | ||
| And I was like, wow. | ||
| And I was like, all right, we should go. | ||
| So Burr and I were planning. | ||
| And something came out. | ||
| We had to cancel. | ||
| And then right after that, something big came up. | ||
| The scandal went down. | ||
| They were like, oh, God. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| Bill saw him, though. | ||
| Bill went and saw him. | ||
| I saw him. | ||
| I saw him... | ||
| My wife was pregnant with our first baby. | ||
| And we had... | ||
| I was doing Conan. | ||
| And then I was going to have two weeks off before the baby was born. | ||
| That was going to be the last gig I did. | ||
| We're going to take two weeks off and just hang out before this new baby came. | ||
| We're living in New York. | ||
| And we went to see Cosby. | ||
| Seinfeld took us to see Cosby at Carnegie Hall. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And we laughed for two hours. | ||
| It was a master class. | ||
| He was... | ||
| So good, so easy, and we just laughed forever and went home and her water broke. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, we always felt like all that laughing kind of made her water break. | ||
| But it was definitely impressive. | ||
| Impressive. | ||
| You know what was impressive about it? | ||
| He would tell these stories and build it without laughs. | ||
| There would be like very few laughs for like 10 minutes as he's telling the story and you didn't realize even as a comic that he was building this tension so when the laugh did come It was bigger than any laugh you've ever heard. | ||
| I mean, he would just, it was the building of it. | ||
| He's the confidence to not feel like he had to go from laugh to laugh to laugh every 30 seconds. | ||
| He would just let it build, let it build, and then it would ba-boom! | ||
| It would explode. | ||
| I wonder if there's recordings of him later in life, like before the scandal broke, like when he was in his 70s. | ||
| Because I think now it would be impossible. | ||
| Like if you go to see him, I know he's not performing now, but if he was, it would be impossible. | ||
| I wouldn't want to go. | ||
| It's like so gross and so tainted. | ||
| Yeah, it's a shame. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| You'd have to watch him almost like a scientist and observe him before. | ||
| I wonder if you would think about it, too. | ||
| Like, now, if you watch it, even if you watch the recording, you'd be watching it thinking, I wonder if he, right now, in the back of his mind, he's like, holy shit, I'm a rapist. | ||
| And they don't know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I haven't looked at anything that he's done since then. | ||
| I mean, you know, that's such a... | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| He was trying to make a public relations comeback last year. | ||
| He did... | ||
| See if you find a video of Bill Cosby holding court in a barbershop. | ||
| In Philly. | ||
| He was at a barbershop in Philly and they were talking about jazz musicians and he was giving them trivia questions. | ||
| These barbershop people and jazz musicians. | ||
| Then I was reading the comments and the comments were like, we love you, Bill. | ||
| We believe you, Bill. | ||
| You know, those accusers are assholes. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe bass is on bass. | |
| Maybe bass is on bass. | ||
| You're making up these people. | ||
| No, I'm fine. | ||
| Because you don't have your glasses. | ||
| No, I'm trying to tell you. | ||
| Eddie told him that I take a two hour shower. | ||
| No, you told me. | ||
| But I said, he said this, Dr. Cosby. | ||
| I said that once I take my shower, I'm one of those people that wipe the shower down. | ||
| I don't want the water running on the towel. | ||
| I don't want the mildew. | ||
| I want the shower to be clean and dry when I get out of it. | ||
| Obviously, sir, but obviously you live alone. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| So you have to clean up, as my father would say, behind your own mess. | ||
| Yes, sir. | ||
| Even when I was married, I did the same thing. | ||
| Everybody in the house at a certain age can all independently take care of our own. | ||
| And did they all leave unanimously? | ||
| When they left, they could stay on their own. | ||
| It's weird to watch him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your wife as well? | |
| He's wearing that hello friend. | ||
| He would wear that on stage. | ||
| He would wear sweaters that say hello friend. | ||
| He started saying that dressing up on stage was a crutch. | ||
| So sometimes he would come out with just like his Birkenstocks and just take them off. | ||
| He'd just be in his socks. | ||
| He thought that being dressed up was like putting on too much of a show. | ||
| That you should rely purely on the spoken word of it. | ||
| Well, I mean, I don't buy that. | ||
| I certainly don't buy you telling other people how they should do it. | ||
| I mean, there's a bunch of ways to do it. | ||
| Well, of course. | ||
| If he wants to be comfortable on stage, wear a Hello Friends sweatshirt, that's fine. | ||
| But he was big at telling people how they're supposed to live, right? | ||
| Well, that was so ironic. | ||
| That's so ironic about it. | ||
| Because Eddie Murphy, first of all, would go on stage with fucking leather jumpsuits on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like bright red leather jumpsuits unzipped down to the navel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then Cosby would attack him because he dropped F-bombs. | ||
| But meanwhile. | ||
| But meanwhile. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| So gross. | ||
| Well, hypocrites, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's just strange like that kind of a hypocrite, like telling you how to live your life while they're raping people. | ||
| And how crazy how many women had to come out before it started to fall? | ||
| How crazy is that Hannibal started it all off? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Fucking our buddy Hannibal. | ||
| Hannibal just did a show somewhere and talked about it on stage and somebody recorded it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then people are like, wait, Bill Cosby rapes people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You didn't hear? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then like wildfire spreads through the culture. | ||
| But how crazy that it didn't take just one woman saying he raped you. | ||
| It had to be like 16. Well, he had settled a bunch of cases. | ||
| He settled them, closed the story, sealed the records. | ||
| Paid millions. | ||
| Paid millions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And now he's suing one of the women who's testifying against him because she's violating the hush payment. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Darkness. | ||
| So sick of everybody else's sex. | ||
| The Hello Friend is a nod to his son that was murdered. | ||
| It's a memorial to him. | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
| There's an article I just found from a long time ago, like 1993, that he made a jazz album dedicated to him called Hello Friend. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Do they ever find who killed his son and why? | ||
| Yeah, I think they did. | ||
| Like his car broke down, right? | ||
| Yeah, like by the 405 or something, right? | ||
| Yeah, and he was like getting out to fix it and someone killed him. | ||
| Was it just a random crime or was it robbery? | ||
| I think it was. | ||
| It was a robbery attempt, it says. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Robbery attempt. | ||
| Did he have a nice car or something? | ||
| I think he had a Mercedes. | ||
| Ugh, it's so terrible. | ||
| What a tragedy. | ||
| An American tragedy. | ||
| He's an American tragedy straight up across the board, top to bottom. | ||
| He was so beloved in Fat Albert and the Cosby Show and the stand-up. | ||
| The strangest thing is hearing that guy call him Dr. Cosby. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, dude, you ain't a doctor anymore. | ||
| Yeah, they think they all took him. | ||
| They took that shit back. | ||
| Like, everyone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was an honorary doctorate, right? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| From different schools. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Temple and, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If they gave you an honorary doctorate, would you call yourself Dr. Papa? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you? | |
| No. | ||
| I'm a minister. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I'm doing Rachel Feinstein's wedding. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Next Saturday. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| My fourth one. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You've done four? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| I marry people. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really great. | ||
| I actually do really love it. | ||
| It becomes very real very fast. | ||
| You know, I spend a lot of time writing it. | ||
| But once you're up there and two people are coming and you're doing it, it's like, this is a big deal. | ||
| This is special. | ||
| This is going to be unique. | ||
| Unless they get divorced. | ||
| It's pretty great. | ||
| And then it becomes a disaster. | ||
| No one that I married is divorced. | ||
| Oh, maybe get the magic touch, bro. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| Maybe you're the secret. | ||
| Stopping the divorce rate of 50% in America. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| What did Chris Rock have a joke about? | ||
| He goes, and that's just the people who have the balls to leave. | ||
| He goes, what about the cowards who stay and suffer? | ||
| This is Chris before he was divorced, which is kind of hilarious. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Because once he got divorced, he got taken. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Taken. | ||
| I don't think he had a prenup. | ||
| So he went down hard. | ||
| He was on stage. | ||
| He goes, my wife made more money last year doing comedy than Dave Chappelle. | ||
| Great line. | ||
| That was fucking rough, man. | ||
| That's rough. | ||
| That's really rough. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or more money from comedy, you said. | ||
| Oh, jeez Louise. | ||
| Tough times out there for people. | ||
| Gotta be funny. | ||
| Just enjoy your life. | ||
| Make some bread. | ||
| Make some bread. | ||
| Celebrate with your family. | ||
| Come on, get a little cabin in the woods. | ||
| A little salted butter, a little sour dough. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on! | |
| Come on, little Vitos. | ||
| Little sticky buns. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Enjoy your life. | ||
| How many episodes are you doing to your show? | ||
| We did eight. | ||
| Ah. | ||
| Eight. | ||
| And did you have any say over what cities you chose? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We went to New York, we went to Detroit, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Cleveland, Philly. | ||
| All good places. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| All good. | ||
| We go in and you just meet these bakers, these people that are baking stuff and making amazing stuff. | ||
| We do like four or five stops in each city. | ||
| And they're all just great people. | ||
| They're just fun families, just, you know, making cakes and feeding the community. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| And did you do them like with your friends in these towns? | ||
| Like if you knew comedians that were in the town? | ||
| Did you have them come with you? | ||
| No. | ||
| Just you and the bakers? | ||
| Gaffigan came in New York to this donut shop and he was the only friend that came this season. | ||
| But I'd like to do more of that. | ||
| That would be fun. | ||
| Now, you're friends with Seinfeld. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And he's a crazy Porsche fanatic. | ||
| Did he ever try to get you to buy a Porsche? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Big time Porsche. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he kind of like knows I'm not really that big of a car guy. | ||
| Have you ever driven one? | ||
| I did. | ||
| He let me drive one once. | ||
| What kind did you drive? | ||
| Because I've never driven it. | ||
| It was like a million dollar car. | ||
| It was like a... | ||
| Blue nine-something S. And it was just in traffic around Santa Monica. | ||
| It was really a bummer. | ||
| Was it annoying? | ||
| It was a million-dollar car? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is a million-dollar car? | ||
| The same as another car, but they only made one of it. | ||
| Oh, it was an older car? | ||
| Yeah, it was like from the 70s, I think. | ||
| Or 80s. | ||
| And they'd only made like, this was like the second one or something. | ||
| But no, it's like if I was into it, he'd get on me and stuff. | ||
| But you were only driving it around Santa Monica. | ||
| Like if you could get it on an open road. | ||
| It would be amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you have a Porsche? | ||
| Yeah, I got one out there right now if you want to drive it. | ||
| Oh, you do? | ||
| I got a race car. | ||
| That white one up there? | ||
| See that one? | ||
| Oh yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| It was Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| I've seen that at the store. | ||
| That's not what you drove. | ||
| That 356 is not. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's not a million dollar car. | ||
| And that Speedster's not a million dollar car. | ||
| It was probably a 911S. It was blue. | ||
| It's probably a 911S from the 70s. | ||
| Those are worth a lot of money right now. | ||
| An RS. Oh yeah? | ||
| Yeah, like that one that he's got above. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| That white one. | ||
| The white one. | ||
| Oh, that they couldn't get in the country for a while, right? | ||
| The white one. | ||
| The white one right there. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That one. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's a very valuable car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's an S or an RS from... | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Woman backed into Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| Did she? | ||
| She backed into the car? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 3.35. | ||
| 3.35 what? | ||
| Million? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, when Mustangs are going for $500,000... | ||
| Well, it says... | ||
| No, no, no, Jamie. | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| It says worth between... | ||
| $14,000 and $3.35 million for cars. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, so some lady's just backing up. | ||
| I wasn't looking. | ||
| Sorry, it's just a car. | ||
| What's the big deal? | ||
| That one in the right-hand corner is a million-dollar car. | ||
| Below that, the upper right-hand, that one right there, that's a 918. Is that the one you drove? | ||
| Yeah, it looks like that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah, that's a 918. That's the electric. | ||
| Is that you, Tom Pompin? | ||
| No. | ||
| Look, it looks like me. | ||
| That is a blue car. | ||
| That is an amazing car. | ||
| That's a 918 hybrid. | ||
| That wasn't it. | ||
| Ridiculously fast car. | ||
| But that's not interesting to you, huh? | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| That's just a Boxster. | ||
| No, I get into it. | ||
| I just don't know. | ||
| You've got to spend time digesting that or growing up with it, and I didn't have that. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| I had a 944 poster in my room. | ||
| I remember those. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fun engine. | ||
| Yeah, and those weren't the best Porsches, but that's what I kind of got excited about. | ||
| Yeah, it was fun. | ||
| It's a cool car. | ||
| A lot of people like that. | ||
| They're very well balanced. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| A friend of mine drove those on a racetrack. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, I used to race those. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Yeah, because it's a very balanced car. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's so deep into it. | ||
| It's like his thing. | ||
| It kind of keeps him sane, I think. | ||
| That's where he puts his... | ||
| Him and Jay Leno, right? | ||
| All the extra time stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it's kind of funny that they both are doing car things. | ||
| Leno's show's good. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| I was on it. | ||
| Oh, you were on it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What were you doing? | ||
| My 1965 Corvette. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| I brought that on. | ||
| Corvette! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have a 65 Corvette that's what you call a resto mod. | ||
| So what they do is they take an old car, but they put modern suspension and brakes and a modern engine in it. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| So it's reliable. | ||
| It starts up every time. | ||
| It brakes really well. | ||
| And the car guys think that that's not pure, so it's not as good and that kind of thing. | ||
| I just like what I like to drive. | ||
| It's like to drive an old car and to keep it old, it's to me like... | ||
| Okay, good luck with that. | ||
| You have a good time. | ||
| They can fix the brakes. | ||
| Can they make it so it brakes better? | ||
| Yeah, definitely do that. | ||
| Can they make it so it handles better? | ||
| Yeah, they can. | ||
| Oh, why would I want to do that? | ||
| That's not how they do it. | ||
| What am I, in the Flintstone days? | ||
| How about no brakes? | ||
| Just give me a hole so I can stick my feet out the bottom. | ||
| But they get snobby about that stuff. | ||
| They can fuck off. | ||
| They do get snobby. | ||
| There's a guy who lives up the street from me, and I had my car and I was washing it, and he pulled by with the same exact car, but his was totally stocked. | ||
| And he looked at mine, and immediately he could tell. | ||
| Like, he looked at the wheels, all these giant fat steamroller tires on it. | ||
| I mean, it's just modern. | ||
| And he looked at the wheels, and he's like, that's not stock. | ||
| I go, no. | ||
| No, it's not stock. | ||
| And you could see he's shaking his head. | ||
| He's like, what do you got in the hood? | ||
| I go, it's a supercharged LS1 with 500 horsepower, sun. | ||
| And I was like, what do you got? | ||
| That rickety-ass, fucking carburetor-driven, fucking dinosaur-mobile. | ||
| Get the fuck out of here with your stock bullshit. | ||
| Don't give me the stink eye, sir. | ||
| Yeah, it's funny. | ||
| But he really did. | ||
| He was looking down at me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's not stock, is it? | ||
| You're not a man. | ||
| You're not a man. | ||
| No, it's fast and handles good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want it to be pleasurable to drive. | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| Not just stare at you, fuck. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| It doesn't even have the old frame. | ||
| My car has everything. | ||
| Everything's different. | ||
| Even the frame is different. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's got a modern frame because it's rigid. | ||
| Those old frames, they were pulled together with bubble gum and fucking coat hangers and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| You drive a real 1965 car on the highway, you're like, we're gonna die! | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're gonna fucking die! | |
| Even my Volkswagen just has a lap belt. | ||
| Oh, my Corvette has a lap belt. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Do you ever think about putting the regular belt in? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nope. | |
| No? | ||
| But that you'll keep... | ||
| I'll leave the lap belt. | ||
| It's also convertible. | ||
| You look like in a carnival ride. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know. | ||
| If you're lucky, get thrown from the car. | ||
| How amazing is Leno's garages, though? | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Garages. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He has 11 warehouse buildings. | ||
| Airplane hangers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Filled with- Huge. | ||
| It's like a museum. | ||
| It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Like, I knew he had a bunch of cars, but I didn't know. | ||
| And so when I went there and I was wandering around, I was like, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He took my father and I through it, let my father come after I did The Tonight Show, and he said, come on up, I'll give you a tour. | ||
| He was so nice. | ||
| I brought my father around, and he was just blown away. | ||
| I mean, you go through, like, miles and miles of cars, and he's like, you want to see the motorcycles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Then you go into a whole other place, and it's just filled with bikes. | ||
| And he drives everything in there. | ||
| He takes everything in there on the road. | ||
| Everything's street legal. | ||
| Today I'm going to take the steamroller. | ||
| He takes a fucking steamroller with rubber around the tires. | ||
| There it is right there. | ||
| Jay Leno's fucking garage. | ||
| It's a crazy place, man. | ||
| It's so crazy. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| All the stuff on the walls, all the memorabilia is insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is gorgeous. | ||
| And he has a shop. | ||
| He has full people there, mechanics, working on the stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With 3D printers making the tools and the pieces. | ||
| Yeah, he can literally make spare parts. | ||
| He can machine things. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| All from comedy. | ||
| Hey, how you doing? | ||
| Look at my fucking jean shirt on. | ||
| All from comedy. | ||
| It's a Canadian tuxedo. | ||
| You had him on, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's great. | ||
| He was great. | ||
| It's so interesting hearing him swear. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, the people, if you've never heard the Jay Leno episode, go listen to it, because he tells some fucking insane stories about doing gigs for the mob. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| About mob guys, like, yelling at priests and, like, how intense it was. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| He's been around. | ||
| He's done a lot of gigs. | ||
| He's done a lot of gigs. | ||
| He makes all of his money for all the cars all comes from comedy. | ||
| I know. | ||
| His Tonight Show money all went into the bank. | ||
| Is that insane? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Like, what are you doing with all that money, bro? | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| He was on Tonight Show for how many years? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He refused to spend a dime of it. | ||
| Threw it all in the bank. | ||
| No kids. | ||
| No kids. | ||
| Just keep all that money. | ||
| Just shoot loads into his car. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| All from comedy. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Yeah, that front of that car is filled up with all his backed up cum. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| What? | ||
| Say that again? | ||
| It's shooting loads into that engine. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Did you say what? | ||
| It runs on jizz. | ||
| What? | ||
| That car does? | ||
| That car does. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I'm not a car guy, but that's weird, right? | ||
| He takes that around with him. | ||
| Imagine that lady just backing up into that. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I was on my Twitter. | ||
| I'm arguing with people about Trump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I banged into your $80 million cap. | |
| I saw Jay once when I was in traffic on the cold water. | ||
| I just see this man, you know, and it's all backed up in both ways. | ||
| It's just tons of traffic. | ||
| I see this man, like, running down the center of the traffic. | ||
| Like, who's this nut? | ||
| And it was Jay going, he goes past the car, picks up his hubcap that came off, and goes running back the other way. | ||
| He's a nut. | ||
| He probably has to get that hubcap. | ||
| There's probably no other hubcap like it. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, that was important. | ||
| A lot of the cars that he has, look at that thing. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Who's that guy with him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Some dude. | ||
| Oh, that's Richie McRichrich. | ||
| Oh, Richie. | ||
| There's little skinny tires on that fucking thing. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| God, it's so weird. | ||
| It's a good show. | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| Oh, it's a great show. | ||
| It's so much better for him than The Tonight Show in that he gets to be who he is. | ||
| Yeah, completely. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| He's so passionate about cars. | ||
| He fucking loves cars. | ||
| And he knows everything about them. | ||
| Yeah, he loves it. | ||
| Oh, that's that 73 Mazda. | ||
| That guy was actually there while I was there. | ||
| He was the next one after we filmed my episode. | ||
| He's got this crazy 73 Mazda that's like fucking super souped up, really light. | ||
| Did you see when he rolled? | ||
| I heard he rolled a car. | ||
| See that video? | ||
| What did he roll? | ||
| He rolled, I think it was like a truck. | ||
| Seinfeld rolled one of his cars too, right? | ||
| Yeah, kind of. | ||
| Like a baby roll. | ||
| Seinfeld had a baby roll? | ||
| Yeah, I think it was like off the off-ramp. | ||
| No, I don't think it was a big deal. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he went to the hospital. | ||
| I think he almost died. | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, there he goes. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Oh, it's just a car. | ||
| Oh, that's a Chevelle? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| A Super V? It's hard to tell what that is. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Can you hear it? | ||
| His reaction was funny at the end. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| No, it wasn't a stunt. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This heart-stopping accident occurred while the host... | |
| That old dude shouldn't be driving. | ||
| Yeah, that's kind of the vibe that you got. | ||
| Jay was like, alright. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| I mean, literally, one, two... | ||
| What if that guy killed Jay Leno because he's too old to drive? | ||
| I know. | ||
| He's too old to drive. | ||
| Yeah, geez. | ||
| That seemed like it was a while ago. | ||
| It was. | ||
| It was several years ago, I think. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Is that crazy? | ||
| 2016? | ||
| That's when this video was put up, yeah. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look, he gets out. | ||
| Can you hear him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It looks like an old Barracuda. | |
| It's tough to tell what that car is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Is it an old Plymouth? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Yeah, it is an old Barracuda. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's the first model Barracuda, which is a totally different looking car than the second generation. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That body style is different. | ||
| That was a weird looking car. | ||
| They're cool, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good to have an obsessive hobby. | ||
| It's good in life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Even if you work hard and do all this stuff, there's still extra time. | ||
| It's good to put your energy into something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| For me, it's imperative. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've figured that out over the years of my life. | ||
| Like, for me, I need mind... | ||
| Hey, see the background. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not going away. | |
| The car only flipped once in the comments, but they just edited it to make it look worse. | ||
| I'm trying to... | ||
| I was replaying it. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Play that back. | ||
| No, I rolled more than once. | ||
| Play it back for us. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Some people said they saw the unedited footage. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Do it again. | ||
| Do it from the beginning. | ||
| Here it goes. | ||
| Guy's shifting. | ||
| Here's the flip. | ||
| Oh, he hit a wheelhouse. | ||
| 100 horsepower? | ||
| No, way more than 100 horsepower. | ||
| Let me see this guy. | ||
| One. | ||
| Two. | ||
| No, that... | ||
| They just added the same flip back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I think that's true. | ||
| I think they're probably telling the truth. | ||
| I think that thing probably only flipped once. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Once is rough. | ||
| It's hard to get something to flip a bunch of times. | ||
| Like, you gotta be really flying to flip a bunch of times. | ||
| Flip once by the time... | ||
| All the energy will be dissipated by the time you hit bang, bang, bang, you know? | ||
| Be careful out there, kids. | ||
| Yeah, don't... | ||
| Especially with those old-ass cars. | ||
| Especially old-ass cars with old suspensions. | ||
| That's why I juice my shit up with modern stuff. | ||
| Yeah, take that, neighbor. | ||
| Second handle, neighbor asshole. | ||
| You fucking... | ||
| Old dry fucking tires. | ||
| Those old cracky tires. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your tiny penis. | |
| Those cracked out old tires. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With shitty tread. | ||
| You need a hobby. | ||
| You need stuff. | ||
| It's amazing like you could do all this work and like really hardcore your career and there's still extra time. | ||
| Well, not just that. | ||
| I think doing one thing only all the time is not good for the brain. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| I think it's good for the brain to be excited by a bunch of different things. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| I think it makes you a more unique person. | ||
| It makes you more interesting. | ||
| As a comic, I think it's very important. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very important to have a more nuanced perspective. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And to also have more information to draw from. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That like you're experiencing more different parts of life and also different types of failure. | ||
| I think different types of failure is good for you. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Physical failure, mental failure, complication failure. | ||
| I think all that stuff is good for you. | ||
| Pick something up that you're not good at. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's amazing how many times you will... | ||
| Feel like a beginner back at the same thing you've been practicing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Like if you start making changes, you're like, ah, I'm kind of back to the beginning of this again. | ||
| What do you do other than the baking? | ||
| The baking is the biggest thing. | ||
| The baking is like, it's really like my first hobby. | ||
| I never really had something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's put all my time into. | ||
| It was always just stand up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then the baking. | ||
| And now I'm writing more than ever before. | ||
| So I'm like writing, sitting down, writing concentrated for a long period. | ||
| Are you writing comedy or just writing writing? | ||
| It depends. | ||
| I'm the head writer for Live From Here, the Prairie Home Companion thing. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Is that Garrison Keillor? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it kicks him out, right? | ||
| It's the new thing. | ||
| Well, he quit. | ||
| He retired before he got in trouble. | ||
| He retired a couple of years before. | ||
| Oh, he did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But once he got in trouble, that's when the name changed. | ||
| And the getting in trouble thing was before he even retired. | ||
| Like it was an incident from before then. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Yeah, it was an old thing. | ||
| It was kind of a muddled thing. | ||
| Very weird one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then, you know, when I had said that on the podcast, that it was weird and that he just kind of hugged a chick and his hand went down her back, then someone sent me an article that there was more than one incident. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And there was several of them and that, you know, he had been... | ||
| And they didn't make them public. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I don't even know what they were. | ||
| But I know they had to... | ||
| They did investigate it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they had to end up changing the name of it. | ||
| So anyway, I spend a lot of time writing for that. | ||
| Then it went really from writing my book, and then I got that gig, so I continued writing at that pace, and now I'm continuing to write like that. | ||
| So the writing is kind of... | ||
| It's weird because from doing stand-up writing, this almost seems like something new. | ||
| It almost seems like another hobby. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Sure, yeah. | ||
| Another different way to exercise your mind. | ||
| Yeah, it's different. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| Sitting there and writing stuff out and really parsing it. | ||
| But it does make me think, and I haven't been able to crack it, of why not put that effort of that intense writing style into the stand-up? | ||
| You don't do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I'm looser with it. | ||
| I'll write it, and then I'll go perform it, and then I'll come back and edit it. | ||
| But Carlin did that at the end. | ||
| He would just write the whole thing and memorize it. | ||
| Like a book, and then go present it. | ||
| I haven't done that. | ||
| Do you do that? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| What I do is... | ||
| I do two things. | ||
| One, I write premises in Word. | ||
| And then I have a program called Scrivener. | ||
| And what Scrivener does is it lets me take things into categories or into subjects. | ||
| So I have a title of a set, right? | ||
| I'll call it, like, my last special is called, the one that's coming out, it's called Strange Times. | ||
| So I wrote Strange Times at the top of it, and then I have all these different subjects in Strange Times. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then I can move them around. | ||
| I can shift them, and each time I click on one, it takes me to all the stuff that I've written about that subject. | ||
| And then I also can click on another little part of it, and it shows me a cork board. | ||
| And on the cork board, there's like these... | ||
| What do you call? | ||
| Virtual index cards. | ||
| And so I have the index cards that I can move around. | ||
| Each index card has like notes on different parts. | ||
| Like this is a very important part of the bit. | ||
| This is a note about a study that was done that shows that this is real. | ||
| All these different things. | ||
| And so I can move all those around. | ||
| But this way I can look at it in the little tiny side where each individual subject is all in this one long column. | ||
| And I can see like the set. | ||
| Like this is a whole set. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But then, no matter what, it has to be really ironed out in front of an audience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because I can write as much as I want, and a lot of it is effective, writing alone, but it comes to life in front of an audience. | ||
| And changes, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, changes. | ||
| But how much will you write before you bring it out? | ||
| Will you write a... | ||
| A couple pages into it? | ||
| Depends. | ||
| Sometimes it's thousands of words for a couple minute bit. | ||
| And you'll take that up before you've tried it? | ||
| You'll write a couple thousand words? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| And sometimes it's just a few lines. | ||
| And then I just run with a premise. | ||
| Sometimes I'll just try to... | ||
| Try to air a premise out and see where it goes. | ||
| This is one that I'm working on right now. | ||
| The setup of the premise gets a really big laugh and then I don't know where to go with it. | ||
| And then I'm fucking around with it and I'm trying to figure out where to go with it. | ||
| I know there's something there and I'm not going to let it go. | ||
| But every day I throw a little bit of water on it and I hope to see the sprouts. | ||
| If you've got a great premise, there is a great joke there. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| But it's one of those ones where I know, okay, I can't let this go. | ||
| I know there's something there, but right now it ain't shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's going to take a while. | ||
| I could be the only one that believes in this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| I was writing something about a raccoon the other day. | ||
| I saw a raccoon with their hands. | ||
| And as I was writing about it, I was like, wait a minute. | ||
| And I looked through my notes. | ||
| It's like, I thought I had a really good raccoon bit about a year ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So you had a raccoon on the brain? | ||
| And the audience told me this wasn't very good, and I ended up quitting on it, and now I'm like, I'm back with my new raccoon bin. | ||
| Sometimes you just have to let it go and then walk around it, look at it from the back, and then walk around it, look at it from the side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| And then maybe sometimes something happens, and you go, oh, my fucking raccoon bin! | ||
| And you go through your notes, oh, baby! | ||
| You're back, baby! | ||
| You're back, baby! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick! | |
| Come on! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Woo! | ||
| Tom Pop at 34 o'clock. | ||
| Time flies. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| What the fuck, bro? | ||
| I know. | ||
| When I was coming here, I was like, I don't know if I got three hours in me today. | ||
| That's the last thing you said last time we were here. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| Or one of them. | ||
| He said, what are we going to talk about? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We just started talking. | ||
| It always flies. | ||
| Tom Pop, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Yeah, baby. | ||
| Baked on the Food Channel starting... | ||
| Monday. | ||
| Monday. | ||
| Whoa, are you excited? | ||
| Monday, September 3rd. | ||
| And they'll be on every Monday. | ||
| Two episodes. | ||
| Are you doing a lot of press? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Are you doing a lot of press? | ||
| A good amount of press, yeah. | ||
| I've done a bunch. | ||
| Mondays, 10 p.m., 9 central. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| And 10.30 p.m. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| Comedy and bread. | ||
| What the fuck, bro? | ||
| Comedy and bread, that's all you need. | ||
| Hey, fucking bread! | ||
| Your audience made it happen. | ||
|
unidentified
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Woo! | |
| For real. | ||
| Well, thank you, brother. | ||
| Thanks for being here. | ||
| Always great. | ||
| Good luck with your show. | ||
| I hope it runs forever. | ||
| Bread. | ||
| Do you have any elk? | ||
| It's Labor Day. | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| I got a shitload. | ||
| I even bought freezer bags. | ||
| Sweet! | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
| See you next week, you fucks. | ||
| Love ya. |
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