March 19, 2018 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:19:38
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Hello ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| What the fuck's going on? | ||
| Thank you to everybody came out to New Orleans and Miami and Orlando this past weekend. | ||
| We had a fun time. | ||
| Next gigs are the 30th. | ||
| We're going to be in Nashville. | ||
| Two shows at the Ryman and then Charlotte, the Ovins Auditorium on Saturday night. | ||
| First show sold out. | ||
| I think there's some tickets available for the second show. | ||
| Everything else is gone. | ||
| JoeRogan.com is the website. | ||
| This episode of the podcast is bought to you, bought to you? | ||
| Brought to you by Squarespace. | ||
| Squarespace is actually the host of joerogan.com. | ||
| And you can make a website with Squarespace, like an average person who really doesn't know shit about computers. | ||
| If you know how to use one, like doing normal stuff, can you send an email with a photo attached to it? | ||
| Then you can make a website. | ||
| It's that easy. | ||
| It's very simple, easy to use. | ||
| Drag and drop user interface, beautiful designer templates. | ||
| And it's just fucking easy to use. | ||
| Like you can have a free online store when you have a website with Squarespace. | ||
| You get a free domain name if you sign up for a year. | ||
| I mean, Squarespace has a ton of comedians that are on it. | ||
| There's a bunch of restaurants that use it. | ||
| A lot of artists like to use it. | ||
| And you could use it to really to promote everything. | ||
| Anything is optimized from mobile right out of the box, so it'll look great and work great on a phone, a cell phone. | ||
| And it'll look great on a Windows computer, a Mac. | ||
| That was a big issue in the early days of websites, like compatibility, browser compatibility. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| Super easy to use. | ||
| Built-in search engine optimization. | ||
| Nothing to patch or upgrade ever. | ||
| 24-7 award-winning customer support. | ||
| It's a fucking way to go. | ||
| And you can try it out for free. | ||
| This is the beautiful thing about Squarespace. | ||
| Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. | ||
| And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Joe to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. | ||
| So you can build your whole website. | ||
| You can, you know, get something cooking and go, that would be fucking awesome. | ||
| And then boom, use the offer code Joe and you get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. | ||
| So that's squarespace.com and use the offer code Joe. | ||
| We're also brought to you, maybe this would be too confusing. | ||
| I do these next to each other. | ||
| Square Cash. | ||
| Squarespace and Square Cash are two different things, folks. | ||
| Don't get it twisted. | ||
| The Square Cash app is the easiest way to send and receive money with friends and family. | ||
| And you can also buy and sell Bitcoin instantly with the Cash app. | ||
| That's an interesting proposition, right? | ||
| Because a lot of people, you hear about all this Bitcoin shit and you're like, what do I do with that? | ||
| How do I do that? | ||
| How do I get started? | ||
| Well, this is one of the easiest ways to get started. | ||
| You can buy as little as a dollar's worth, too. | ||
| You don't have to buy a whole Bitcoin. | ||
| And anyone can sign up and buy instantly within minutes. | ||
| And most buys and sells happen in seconds. | ||
| You keep your funds right in the app or you can cash out directly to your bank account at any time. | ||
| It's very easy. | ||
| And when you download the Square Cash app and use the promo code JoeRogan, all one word, $5 will go to you and $5 will go to Justin Wren's Fight for the Forgotten Charity. | ||
| And we are very, very pleased to say that we have already raised thousands of dollars to build wells in the Congo with Justin Wren's charity. | ||
| He's a beautiful guy. | ||
| And if you've ever heard the podcast that we did with him, they're incredibly inspirational. | ||
| He's so selfless. | ||
| He goes and he lives in the Congo with the pygmies for months and months on end. | ||
| And the guy's got malaria three times. | ||
| And on top of all that, he's one of the top Bellator heavyweight MMA fighters today. | ||
| I mean, he's just an incredibly unique guy. | ||
| So we're really happy that this Square Cash app also has this new promotion built into it. | ||
| So all you have to do to get that is download the app, use the promo code JoeRogan. | ||
| And again, $5 will go to you and $5 will go to Justin Wren's Fight for the Forgotten Charity. | ||
| You can download the Cash app for free on the App Store or on Google Play. | ||
| And last but not least, we're brought to you by Stamps.com. | ||
| Stamps.com is a fucking awesome way to use the U.S. Postal Service. | ||
| It's very convenient. | ||
| You can do it from the comfort of your own home or desk with a regular computer and a regular printer. | ||
| You buy and print official U.S. postage for any class of mail, any package, any letter, and you do it with a regular computer. | ||
| And it's super fucking easy. | ||
| They send you a free digital scale, which automatically calculates the exact postage. | ||
| And they even help you decide the best class of mail based on your needs. | ||
| There's no need to lease an expensive postage meter and there are no long-term commitments. | ||
| Stamps.com is an awesome service that a lot of people I know use. | ||
| Burt Kreischer uses it. | ||
| People who send things a lot, like Redband uses it for DeskSquad.tv, all of his original artwork. | ||
| When you buy those shirts from him, he's selling that stuff and sending it through stamps.com. | ||
| So right now, you can enjoy the stamps.com service with a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus postage and a free digital scale. | ||
| So go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in J-R-E. | ||
| That's stamps.com and enter J-R-E. | ||
| All right, folks, I got two guys today on the podcast. | ||
| Two ridiculously aggressive, hilarious guys, Owen Benjamin and Kurt Metzger. | ||
| Both very good stand-up comics, both that have had some very controversial moments on the internet. | ||
| And I just thought it'd be funny to have the two of them together to talk about the consequences of getting the people all riled up online. | ||
| Either way, very funny guys, very good guys. | ||
| Please give it up for Kurt Metzger and Owen Benjamin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. | |
| The Joe Rogan experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| We're here in the podcast on day one of the robots attacking the people. | ||
| It started in Tempe, Arizona. | ||
| Someone's killed by a self-driving Uber. | ||
| I'm not buying those things. | ||
| What the self-driving Ubers? | ||
| I'm not ready for this yet. | ||
| No chance. | ||
| It's not ready. | ||
| Dude, I'm not ready for planes. | ||
| They should have those things on a closed course over a long period of time, you know, and then let them drive around cities. | ||
| Yeah, we got to build some trust. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not trusting. | ||
| We gotta have some obstacle courses. | ||
| Self-driving Uber kills Arizona pedestrian. | ||
| There's all these cops. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| Is that an Uber car or a cop car? | ||
| Those are all Ubers. | ||
| They look like cop cars. | ||
| What's the thing on the roof? | ||
| The camera that lets it drive? | ||
| Dude, fuck all that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not to say that a guy couldn't have done that, and not to say that this person, whoever it was, who knows what the circumstances were. | ||
| Sometimes accidents are unavoidable, right? | ||
| I mean, there are certain times where someone makes an error. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| But I just feel better if it's a person making an error for some strange reason. | ||
| Same here. | ||
| I think Uber and Lyft would have like a gang war. | ||
| They probably would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you let the algorithms take over, it's over. | ||
| They probably fuck with each other, don't they? | ||
| Like, the Uber guy's super aggressive, isn't he? | ||
| Didn't they get in trouble for doing the fake calls? | ||
| Oh, that's fake. | ||
| Causing problems. | ||
| Find out if that's real. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Is that a real story? | ||
| Or there was like allegations, I think, because they were probably getting sued, sued each other, or whatever. | ||
| So I don't know if it ever came out. | ||
| Yeah, I know there was allegations that they were like making fake calls, right? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Fake requests. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| Fake requests. | ||
| And just bailing last minute. | ||
| Dude, you got the right idea. | ||
| Living up in the middle of nowhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You got the right idea with that. | ||
| We just got Uber, but it's only two dudes and I have both their numbers. | ||
| So you just call them. | ||
| Yeah, you can just call them. | ||
| That's actually cool. | ||
| How many people are in your town? | ||
| A little, like 2,400. | ||
| As long as you know how to drink. | ||
| That's a fucking good place to live. | ||
| Oh, well, the currency's beer. | ||
| That's the thing, though, is everyone can do everything, but no one wants to work. | ||
| It's pretty hilarious. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Uber's Dirty Tricks Quantified. | ||
| Rival counts 5,560 canceled rides. | ||
| That's in 2014. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| That's right when it started. | ||
| Is that definitely? | ||
| It's on CNN, so it can't be fake news. | ||
| I've never canceled an Uber. | ||
| I feel like really bad about it. | ||
| About never canceling? | ||
| No, I mean, if I canceled, I'd want to tell the guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd be like, hey, man. | ||
| There should be a way if you have to cancel to give the guy a tip. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| You know, like, say, I have to, like, super last-minute cancel. | ||
| This guy's already on his way over here. | ||
| Let me throw him 30 bucks. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Or at least a five-star. | ||
| At least something. | ||
| Something. | ||
| Give him some money. | ||
| Give him five bucks. | ||
| Give him five bucks for a canceled ride. | ||
| That's not bad, right? | ||
| That's more than fair. | ||
| You're setting them back a few minutes. | ||
| You don't get anything back when they fuck with you, though, so I don't know. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| But who are these people that are fucking with you? | ||
| Is it the rare Uber driver? | ||
| Every Uber I've ever been to was a dream. | ||
| I've never had a single problem. | ||
| Have you Uber X ever, though? | ||
| That's the truck? | ||
| No, that's just like random people with cars. | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| No, I always do the one with like, it's basically limo drivers that are like off-duty. | ||
| Yeah, those are awesome. | ||
| If you ever Uber X, it can get a little dicey. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like you're just with a random chick that's having a meltdown. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah, I can imagine. | ||
| I mean, she's cool. | ||
| It's not like it's a big thing, but it's just like, you know, I can't pay my DSL bill this month. | ||
| And you're like, lady, I'm right here. | ||
| It's a very small car. | ||
| Yeah, there's people that just, they're working their life out, but say if they're on like a hundred level game, they're on level one and they're bouncing into the walls over and over again. | ||
| And they just don't seem like, in order for you to give them real advice, you'd have to basically move into their house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You'd have to like give a full revamp of the way they look at things. | ||
| You'd have to go, okay, stop. | ||
| Okay, first of all, what are all these pills? | ||
| Second of all, what are you eating? | ||
| Third of all, like, why do you talk to people like that? | ||
| Like, if you talk to people like that, they're not going to want to talk to you. | ||
| Like, you're upset that they don't like you. | ||
| But then you act in a way that's very unpleasant to be around. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then you'd have to go through every mistake this person's made. | ||
| And then you'd have to find out. | ||
| It's almost all shitty parenting. | ||
| It's like plumbing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to back down to the root system. | ||
| Oh, look, the roots got into the pipes. | ||
| Or, you know, oh, look, it cracked because the earth shifted and you're losing all this water down here. | ||
| Yeah, you just start screaming when you feel threatened at all. | ||
| Like, that may be a thing from your childhood. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of that out there. | ||
| There is. | ||
| I wanted to talk to you about social media. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Because I love you. | ||
| I love you too. | ||
| I think you're a very good guy. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| But you are the worst representative of yourself on social media. | ||
| I'm a bad lawyer of myself. | ||
| It's a bad form of getting out tricky ideas. | ||
| It's a bad form. | ||
| It's just not good. | ||
| I mean, now it's, what is it, 280 now, 280 characters? | ||
| It's better than it was. | ||
| 140 was very rough. | ||
| Like 140, you'd have to, you know, you have to really think about what you're saying. | ||
| It's like you're yelling as you're falling into a well. | ||
| You have like one sentence. | ||
| But you are, without a doubt, addicted. | ||
| And I know you bailed on your phone for a while and you went to a flip phone. | ||
| But I see these manic tweets from you and I just want to go hang out with you and go, dude, what are you doing? | ||
| Like, why are you constantly tweeting and attacking people? | ||
| Sometimes the chaos helps me. | ||
| I mean, you're right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I'm not challenging that statement, but like, I see it as almost like an idea sonar where you're just like. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| I get that, but I get that because I know you. | ||
| And I know you're a really good dude in real life. | ||
| Thanks, man. | ||
| So when I see this online and I see these blurting out post, just outbreak posts, they're just like, like you got mental diarrhea. | ||
| Let me see if I can throw the word nigger in here for a goof. | ||
| Let me see if I can say something that's going to piss people off. | ||
| And it's just, there's this weird thing you're doing, like this Jesselnik thing. | ||
| Like you just decided to attack Anthony Jeselnick. | ||
| No, I'll tell you this. | ||
| Did he attack you? | ||
| No, what happened was someone said that they had heard he said I was alt-right, which is like the new thing. | ||
| People can believe that. | ||
| They could believe that you were alt-right. | ||
| But if someone tells them and they read one of your outrageous tweets, just one or two of them, they would go, oh, this guy's an alt-right comedian. | ||
| And then they see you with certain people that you've had podcasts with and talked to that might also be lumped in. | ||
| I mean, ridiculously so, like Jordan Peterson. | ||
| They lump him into doesn't make any sense, but they do it. | ||
| Like, I mean, look, I've had people on that people think are alt-right. | ||
| I mean, people are fucking crazy. | ||
| I mean, there's people out there that think Ben Shapiro is anti-Semitic. | ||
| That's how nobody knows. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| There's no logic at all. | ||
| Like, right now, Martin Luther King Jr. would be Considered alt-right by certain crazy people. | ||
| He would probably have adjusted his views, don't you think? | ||
| I mean, his views would probably change knowing all that we know about people today. | ||
| And he would be a different person. | ||
| You got to think, that guy growing up in the 1950s and then being into the 60s as the most important civil rights activist of all time, he was dealing with a completely different world, man. | ||
| I mean, there was no social media. | ||
| There was not much consolidated power. | ||
| It was probably very difficult to get people to march once they started sticking dogs on people and blowing fire hoses on them. | ||
| I mean, you had to be, you had less protection then. | ||
| He'd had to be more rigid and conservative then, just because people would have to be just very careful. | ||
| We talked about this recently. | ||
| I guess it was with, was it Danielle Bolelli we were talking about, about how recently slavery was. | ||
| Was it him? | ||
| Was it Danielle? | ||
| Might have been. | ||
| Either way, that's a crazy small amount of time. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| 200 years ago. | ||
| And it's been existed for like tens of thousands of years. | ||
| And that there's more slavery in the world today because there's more people alive. | ||
| It's kind of tricky. | ||
| But there's less percentage of people that are slaves. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's kind of misleading when people say there's more slavery. | ||
| There's way more people. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's more everything. | ||
| Way, way, way, way, way more people. | ||
| And there's way more crazy people, and now they all have internet access. | ||
| Yeah, because I was looking at this thing where they were trying to trace, you've heard about that new species of human that they found, I think around somewhere in the range of seven or eight years ago. | ||
| Deinosians, I think they call them. | ||
| They found them in Russia. | ||
| And what they are is, you know, when there was Neanderthal and Homo sapiens, there was another one. | ||
| And then this other one bred. | ||
| Apparently they think there was many different kinds of humans. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| But what the thing that fucking freaked me out, they were talking about how long ago this was, like 70,000 plus years ago, that they were talking about one era. | ||
| And then they were talking about the amount of people that were alive then. | ||
| And they said something around the area of 100,000 humans. | ||
| Total amount. | ||
| That's on the 405 right now. | ||
| Just fuck that on the 405 between here and like West Hills. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably more. | ||
| And that's why we have such a vicious instinct. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because at that point, it's just, I think it got down to like 10,000 people at one point. | ||
| Yeah, that's just what I was reading the article about. | ||
| It was also talking about in Sumatra, and we talked about this recently. | ||
| There was a gigantic super volcano that blew up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And it fucked the earth up for like a thousand years. | ||
| And we had to survive that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And now we're trying to survive Twitter storms. | ||
| But we have those same instincts, the same instincts that are like, if you can't eat your dog right now, you're going to die. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So anyway, with the Jesnik thing, so I just went on his and he had already blocked me and I had never written anything to him. | ||
| So I just posted that and said he has liposuction in his ass because I thought that was funny. | ||
| Because I didn't want to go too big. | ||
| Like, who gives a shit if he blocks you? | ||
| I just thought it was funny. | ||
| Right, but you're attacking him publicly. | ||
| This is the thing. | ||
| It's like you have like, how many thousands of Twitter followers do you have? | ||
| Like, 120,000? | ||
| That's a lot of fucking people. | ||
| So a lot. | ||
| But he's a strong man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, there's dudes that have messed with me way crazier recently. | |
| He's a strong man. | ||
| Like, that's got a sting. | ||
| There's got to be like this disturbance of peace and tranquility for no reason. | ||
| Just because he blocked you. | ||
| When do you give a shit if you block? | ||
| I hope he blocked. | ||
| Jesner, I like you. | ||
| Go block me, buddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love him. | |
| He's a good guy. | ||
| He's a great joker, actually. | ||
| He's a funny guy, man. | ||
| This is the problem. | ||
| I'm a colleague of his. | ||
| I'm at the comedy store with him all the time. | ||
| We go on back and forth next to each other all the time. | ||
| And, you know, you should attack someone when they do something really bad. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I do know what you're saying. | ||
| Like, the sheathed sword until you absolutely need it. | ||
| I'm all about that. | ||
| I wasn't like full attack mode, though. | ||
| I thought I was being playful. | ||
| The war has started. | ||
| You're talking about him getting lipo suction, talking about him being gay, and you're talking about, you said a bunch of different things. | ||
| No, but that's after he said I was altruist. | ||
| In response, he said that I'm an alt-right third-rate piano comic. | ||
| And I was like, dude, I just did a lipo-suction joke. | ||
| But the thing is, I'm not even mad at the guy at all. | ||
| I want then, you, again, do a terrible job of representing yourself. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Because it seems to me even, I had a texture. | ||
| I'm like, what are you doing? | ||
| I know. | ||
| By the way, I just want to give you a compliment. | ||
| I love that you're more critical offline. | ||
| Like, you're one of the few people right now in this world that's like, oh, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| But online, you're chill. | ||
| And so many people are the opposite. | ||
| They attack online and apologize in the DM. | ||
| And you're, I just wanted to say that that's good leadership qualities. | ||
| Oh, well, that's very nice for you. | ||
| But I'm not trying to be a leader. | ||
| I just try to be a good person. | ||
| I think if you have an issue with someone, you should talk to them in person if you can, if not on the phone. | ||
| But that one-on-one. | ||
| Like this idea that you should automatically blurt out what you think about someone's public mistakes to the rest of the world to state your position. | ||
| Like there was a lot of the request to state your position after Louis C.K. got in trouble. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I have no idea what actually happened. | ||
| If the way the women are telling it is 100% true, then I think it's fucking gross and disgusting. | ||
| And I'm sad. | ||
| I'm sad that he had that in his head, that he wanted to do that. | ||
| I'm sad that the girls had to experience it. | ||
| It's an uncomfortable thing. | ||
| But I don't know that. | ||
| And I've heard stories about people thinking it was funny, too. | ||
| You know, there was like this weird thing going on. | ||
| The tribal stuff, where it's like, what side are you on? | ||
| But people were like, the Louis C.K. instance was the first instance that I can recall where people were demanding a response, like a public response about something. | ||
| Well, I noticed that in entertainment with Trump, it's like the lack of talking about Trump is now seen as endorsements. | ||
| Like when Taylor Swift just didn't get involved in the chaos, people were calling her like alt-right. | ||
| Yeah, man, there's so many people just waiting, waiting to pull the trigger. | ||
| And they're doing so in such a fucking insane and ridiculously misrepresentative way. | ||
| There was something about Jordan Peterson, man. | ||
| Jordan Peterson going to speak somewhere. | ||
| And there was these people sending emails that he was a Nazi and a fascist and a racist and transphobic. | ||
| But they're just hurling these nuclear bombs of words with literally no thought whatsoever about the consequences of using these words to describe someone who's absolutely clearly not that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's when someone can't argue another side, that's how they shut down the conversation. | ||
| But here's my point: is that it elevates this manic misrepresentation of reality because they've agreed to not look at it realistically. | ||
| They've agreed. | ||
| Who cares if he's not a Nazi? | ||
| We're going to fucking call him a Nazi. | ||
| And in doing that, you're escalating what's like, there's a mob mentality, right? | ||
| It's part of what's going on. | ||
| One of the things that happens in mob mentality is people start murdering people, you jump in. | ||
| If people are killing people and you're trying to get away and a guy's running at you with a knife, you're going to fucking kill him. | ||
| That's what people do. | ||
| It's a normal thing. | ||
| It happens with mob mentality, too. | ||
| That happens with these kind of arguments. | ||
| The same kind of thing. | ||
| People can just decide they don't care if you're right. | ||
| They're going to call you a fucking racist. | ||
| They're going to call you a Nazi. | ||
| They're just going to keep saying it until you believe it 100%. | ||
| Like this fucking Nazi. | ||
| Jesus, it's Kurt Metzger, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Good to see you, pal. | ||
| Thanks for coming, man. | ||
| Yeah, thanks. | ||
| Pull up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can get him in there? | ||
| You got him on camera there? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Good to see you, buddy. | ||
| What's up, bud? | ||
| Oh, well, this room is separately heated. | ||
| This is its own little air conditioning and thermostat system. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I saw the sauna. | ||
| The sauna is looking good. | ||
| Yeah, this part was built. | ||
| This was not a room. | ||
| So this room is created like a radio studio. | ||
| Like, same deal. | ||
| Thick walls, all insulated and shit. | ||
| It's only a little bit more. | ||
| It's a nice end of the world bunker. | ||
| Yeah, buddy. | ||
| It's all concrete and cement and shit. | ||
| And there's a fan that sucks pot smoke out. | ||
| So if people are getting high, he just wait. | ||
| What's the matter? | ||
| What about it? | ||
| So play music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| It's a very scenic drive here. | ||
| I have music on in the middle. | ||
| Well, today it is, man. | ||
| LA, when it rains out, it's like nothing else. | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It just gets so green. | ||
| Like that drive over by when you're going over the 405, when you're coming over the top of the hill. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| It's stunning. | ||
| Dude, this area is sick. | ||
| Like, I can't stand West Hollywood area now. | ||
| There's too many people. | ||
| Too many people. | ||
| This is too many people, too. | ||
| I really would like to do what you're doing. | ||
| What you're doing, I think, is ideal. | ||
| What are you doing, Owen? | ||
| Did you return to the land of giants to my wildlings? | ||
| We just yell at each other and it's all good. | ||
| Did you return to Lilliput as the god of those little people? | ||
| I brought home new information and gold and silk. | ||
| Where do you live again? | ||
| You told me. | ||
| In the Adirondack Mountains in northern New York. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I get a boner just thinking about that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Take my special though. | ||
| The idea of it sounds amazing. | ||
| Except for where you are. | ||
| It's got a lot of ticks that have lime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lines. | |
| Well, it gets too cold in the winter to really have that, but it just started coming a little bit because it's like negative 40 where I live in the winter. | ||
| Jesus Christ, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Negative 40 for real? | ||
| Negative 40 for like a while. | ||
| That's why I got the sauna because I just fire up and then go outside nude and roll around and it's just crazy. | ||
| Negative 40. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think I've felt that before. | ||
| It's so remarkable where it's just you go outside and you think, if I didn't have clothing, I have 10 minutes to live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's just this wild feeling. | ||
| Well, you know, I do that cryotherapy chip, which is a lot colder, but it seems fake. | ||
| Like the dancing millionaire does. | ||
| Who's the dancing millionaire? | ||
| The guy on YouTube, that Italian guy that's... | ||
| He puts YouTube videos of him dancing. | ||
| He's like, he's got a dancer. | ||
| He's like, that 50-year-old guy dances on boats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, John Lucavacci. | ||
| Yeah, he's friends with Zach Efron. | ||
| Oh, he's friends with everybody. | ||
| That guy's hilarious. | ||
| He's a DJ. | ||
| Yeah, he does everything. | ||
| He's the heir to a vitamin fortune or something. | ||
| Is that what he is? | ||
| Is his grandfather named? | ||
| Like a forma company. | ||
| Gary Centrum. | ||
| He's a funny dude you manage. | ||
| Gian Lucas Centrum. | ||
| You know the Centrum fortune? | ||
| That guy's living a fun life. | ||
| You know, he's like an Italian version of Dan Bilzerian in a lot of ways. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| That's like a thing, like that old buff rich guy thing. | ||
| Yeah, but he's like Bilzerian's in his 30s. | ||
| Like this guy's that guy's only in his 30s? | ||
| I thought he had a heart attack and shit. | ||
| He did, but it was from doing a lot of Coke and doing, he did a lot of shit. | ||
| He told the story. | ||
| He was up for like two days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to be the dancing thousands. | ||
| This guy, John Lucavacci. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, this guy's a dancing thousand. | ||
| And he's a guy who's doing weird stuff with his pants that are very feminine. | ||
| Like he's like, look at those shorts. | ||
| Well, he's Italian. | ||
| If a dude, yeah, but be honest. | ||
| If a dude that was wearing shorts like that came up to you and started talking to you in a men's room, you'd go, hey, buddy, let me get past you and get through that door. | ||
| We're going to have a problem. | ||
| No, those shorts are more of an obvious, like, it's a... | ||
| It's not so much the shorts, it's the tattoos that were. | ||
| Well, he's got tattoos everywhere. | ||
| Everywhere. | ||
| It's his whole body. | ||
| And he just had another one. | ||
| He had himself saying shush on his back. | ||
| He's got a new one called the Shut the Fuck Up Tattoo. | ||
| It's him going like shush on his back. | ||
| I guess, if I would have to guess, if I wanted to decipher that, people are talking shit behind his back. | ||
| So this way he's always facing them, going shush. | ||
| It's pretty hilarious. | ||
| I like when people get tattoos to, you know, like it's a power. | ||
| Like you got eyes on the back of your head in prison. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| All that writing. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Look at all that writing. | ||
| He's a weird guy. | ||
| It doesn't look like the stop talking behind my back shush. | ||
| It looks like, I just fucked your mom. | ||
| Don't tell anybody. | ||
| It's also kind of passive-aggressive to have font that small. | ||
| Yo, who's going to take the time to read his back? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you got to be all the dudes that are fucking him. | |
| Hey! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking help, bitch. | |
| The guy's got such a great body. | ||
| I got to stop from coming. | ||
| So I read the weight of buttons on his back. | ||
| He does a lot of body weight exercise. | ||
| Well, he freezes himself. | ||
| That's why I brought it up because I saw him on a video freezing himself. | ||
| He's got to do it all the time. | ||
| You want to do it after the show? | ||
| What does it do? | ||
| It jacks up your norepinephrine, norepinephrine levels. | ||
| It produces something called cold shock proteins that are radical inflammation fighters. | ||
| It's fantastic for people that have like arthritis or aches and pains. | ||
| There's a lot of older folk that go to the place that I go to that go all the time, and they said it's just changed their life. | ||
| Like people with like hip issues. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, because your body goes into this thing and if you do doubles, I like to do a double. | ||
| It means I go in for three minutes, I warm up for about 10 minutes, and I go in for another three minutes. | ||
| How much is it to do it a lot? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| I'll find out. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's not cheap. | ||
| Yeah, because I only saw this fucking Jilliana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if you think about how much money you spend, you just starve naked with Owen, whatever. | |
| Oh, you can go to his place. | ||
| Just go to my mountain, man. | ||
| It's the whole thing all the time. | ||
| What it is, is your body has to feel like it's going to die. | ||
| And when your body feels like it's going to die, it freaks out and produces these anti-inflammation properties. | ||
| It's basically. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like me and Twitter. | ||
| Same thing with the sauna. | ||
| You know, Barry Crimins has just died. | ||
| So me and him went on tour, okay, like last year. | ||
| Just last year, yeah. | ||
| That guy saved my life. | ||
| Man, I was like in a bad way when that guy called me. | ||
| But anyway, we got in a car, this guy driving on black ice in Pennsylvania. | ||
| He tries to pass a tractor trailer. | ||
| You know, some people don't want to be behind trailers. | ||
| So he goes to pass it, and we're doing like 60. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Which is, it's under the speed limit, but it's black ice, you know? | ||
| So we were going next to this. | ||
| It felt like a jet engine sucking the car in. | ||
| It was just wobbling. | ||
| And so I'm in the passenger seat. | ||
| Barry was behind the driver. | ||
| And we just get sucked into under the trailer. | ||
| Under the trailer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So my head, I mean, I already got my head cut off. | ||
| And I had time to say, what the fuck, three times. | ||
| I didn't duck. | ||
| I just went, what the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And then I was like, oh, I guess I'm dead. | ||
| I just remember thinking that. | ||
| And then we swerved. | ||
| And then the back end, like my hip, started going away from the trailer. | ||
| And the back end got caught instead where no one was sitting. | ||
| That got pulled in. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| The windows blew in and then it drug us a little bit and spit us out and we spun and it landed in the median. | ||
| Dude, that's insane. | ||
| It was. | ||
| And the driver was weeping. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And me and Barry were like, I swear to God, like high. | ||
| Like, I have never felt, I could do that once a year. | ||
| It was like a vacation to me. | ||
| I swear to God, like, it, but I had to be, I was like, sure. | ||
| I mean, I guess it's my brain think I'm going to die, but I'm sure my body thought it was too. | ||
| But it felt fucking amazing, dude. | ||
| I never felt anything like that. | ||
| Like, being sure you're going to die, and then you just don't. | ||
| Well, that happens to vets sometimes when they come back. | ||
| They don't want to admit it, but they got addicted to war. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right. | |
| That's a Hurtlocker. | ||
| Like in Hurtlock. | ||
| Yeah, I was just thinking of that. | ||
| Oh, that's 100% legit. | ||
| They also, there's a good Sebastian Younger book about that. | ||
| I read that based on your pod. | ||
| Tribe, yeah. | ||
| And these people, that's like the closest they ever feel to each other is when they're in the middle of a war zone. | ||
| That's like me on Twitter, man. | ||
| We were talking about his Twitter outbursts and how I think they're poor representation of who he is as a person. | ||
| Wait, so I don't understand, did you settle the, I'm not even mad at the guy. | ||
| Even though he was a blessing to him. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| He just blocked him. | ||
| He blocked him on Twitter, so he decided to. | ||
| Are you sure he blocked you? | ||
| He definitely blocked him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So I just said something that he had wiped on his ass. | ||
| I didn't think that he was that crazy. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I mean, I'm not, whatever. | ||
| It seems like it's not worth it, and he was never a fat guy. | ||
| No, that's what made it so funny. | ||
| I mean, it is crazy. | ||
| Like, if it was like, because he's a really handsome man, so it's like, that is so funny to me. | ||
| Wait, so he did do that? | ||
| No, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He just made it up. | ||
| He just made it up. | ||
| Oh, yeah, because that seems like a very extreme. | ||
| It's just a funny insult. | ||
| How many comics, if you had a guest, have had Lipo in their ass overall? | ||
| I would. | ||
| If I had like a friend that was like, hey, dude, I do Lipo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do I just do like a friend? | |
| You have to wear like this crazy compression clothes afterwards. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| Dude, it's not a joke. | ||
| Can I probably use fucking surgery? | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| They're numbing your shit up, and they're going in with a goddamn pipe that's got a vacuum attached to it, and they're roughing you up and sucking chunks of yourself. | ||
| You have to do a joke about that, about how violent it was. | ||
| It's fucking violent. | ||
| They're mad at how fat you are. | ||
| It probably doesn't work because you don't change your habits either. | ||
| Well, it did work, but listen, you're going to get fat again. | ||
| Like, it'll make you look good for a little bit, but if you don't change how you eat, you're in your static state right now where you're at. | ||
| You're getting fatter. | ||
| Most people. | ||
| Most people, if they're overweight, they're getting more overweight. | ||
| They're not steady at whatever the fuck it is, 50 pounds over. | ||
| They keep going because it's the same pattern of behavior. | ||
| So if you get yourself sucked down, and I know people have done this, got yourself sucked down with the vacuum down to a good, legitimate size, they just balloon back up. | ||
| And a lot of times there's a lot of unevenness. | ||
| Yeah, I heard people get fat in weird places because they took out like a little out right around the wiener. | ||
| I feel like I got a quarter inch in there that isn't being moved. | ||
| It's just too fat. | ||
| But it's also, I think, they're saying your butt can get lumpy. | ||
| Fucking wouldn't be smooth. | ||
| Yeah, like at least if you got a natural layer of fat, it's like a smooth, it feels right. | ||
| I believe exercise doesn't work. | ||
| I've seen people like, no, you understand. | ||
| I can't develop pectoral muscles. | ||
| I had to do it. | ||
| Sugar. | ||
| I would like to say nonsense. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| It is nonsense, right? | ||
| That's nonsense. | ||
| It's nonsense. | ||
| Some guy's like, I can't do it. | ||
| Nah, that's not true. | ||
| It was on his talk shows where these guys did peck implants. | ||
| Yeah, I knew a dude who had one of those. | ||
| I knew a dude who had peck implants. | ||
| And how did it end up for him? | ||
| Not so good, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not so good. | ||
| That sounds real bad. | ||
| He wound up killing himself. | ||
| Because of something else. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Oh, here's Lipo. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| What in the holy fuck? | ||
| Yeah, I'd be scared what's under the fat in my ass. | ||
| I don't know what's under there. | ||
| This step limits blood. | ||
| Like blood lost. | ||
| There might be a whole lot. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is a weird shape. | ||
| This limits blood loss and maximizes post-op comfort. | ||
| And what they're doing is going in on this person's stomach and just sucking tubes of it out. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| This guy's not even that fat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, that's to get rid of the funny little bit, right? | ||
| All this guy or gal. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We're only looking at a bit of a bunch of people. | ||
| You're saying Josenek was already hot. | ||
| He just was getting a little bit of a hat. | ||
| It's just a handsome guy that's like so irreverent. | ||
| I think that's really funny. | ||
| Look how it works. | ||
| Look at the little fucking edges on the thing. | ||
| Oh, this is disgusting, this thing. | ||
| Look how, like, you see, like, when he was going back it up a little, Jamie? | ||
| Those little things, those holes, they're like little knives, man. | ||
| Like a little bit more. | ||
| Yeah, this is violent. | ||
| This can't be good for you. | ||
| Look at the little knives in the end. | ||
| It's like a cat's dick. | ||
| So he's just scooping it out of there. | ||
| Is this a woman or a man? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's someone who's not that fat. | ||
| It's a woman. | ||
| Whoever the fuck this is, if they just got on a carb-free diet. | ||
| For like a couple weeks. | ||
| It's not even a lot of fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That looks like not that long of weight to lose. | |
| I know a lady who didn't need it and got it done. | ||
| She literally didn't need it. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know her that well, but I remember her friends saying how much extreme discomfort she was in because she had to wear essentially like this, these tights. | ||
| Man, that's right. | ||
| So these super tight compression pants everywhere to keep all your ass fat together. | ||
| Isn't it amazing, David? | ||
| It's so intense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so intense. | |
| Like when I was having my ass fat loosened. | ||
| Well, I had a hair transplant. | ||
| That was the dumbest thing I've ever done. | ||
| That's like David Feldman. | ||
| That's what he did. | ||
| I have this giant scar in the back of my head. | ||
| It looks like a smile. | ||
| I wonder if that's a piece of meat. | ||
| My joke, you get like a scar from it. | ||
| Yeah, my joke was that it's like taking people from a town where everybody's healthy and moving them into a town where everybody's dying. | ||
| The only ones that were left are like the new recruits. | ||
| The hair that was supposed to be up there, those are falling out. | ||
| So where do you get it from? | ||
| They take it from the back of your head. | ||
| They take a strip off the back of your head. | ||
| Now the way they do it, in a lot of places, they do it differently. | ||
| They do one individual follicle at a time. | ||
| I just was scared that I was going bald. | ||
| I was like, what can you do? | ||
| And they tell you they could fix it. | ||
| They're like, oh, great. | ||
| I'll just get it fixed. | ||
| But it doesn't really fix it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, how come? | ||
| Because that's fucking, what's his name? | ||
| Joel McGale from Sue. | ||
| Because I remember him from those Burger King commercials where he had less hair than I do. | ||
| And now he's got Dragon Ball Z hair. | ||
| Well, it's like real thick. | ||
| It's almost like more thick than they start with sometimes. | ||
| Did he have a killer transplant or is that just a guy? | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| You remember the Burger King commercial, right? | ||
| I do not. | ||
| Nobody does. | ||
| It was when the office was getting popular, not the American one. | ||
| And Burger King had these commercials that were kind of like the office, and he was like the wise. | ||
| I can't picture one Burger King commercial. | ||
| I don't have thicker hair. | ||
| That works better. | ||
| Every bald guy's fucking hair. | ||
| Every celebrity suddenly has more hair, I remember. | ||
| People with thick hair follicles can get away with it. | ||
| Like, my hair would have looked way better, but I have thin hair. | ||
| The hairs themselves are thin. | ||
| So if someone has thick hair, they could have some pretty dramatic result if it's the right kind of thinning. | ||
| What age did you do it? | ||
| 30? | ||
| No, not even. | ||
| Not even 30, yeah. | ||
| But what did you tell when you're 30 when you did it? | ||
| Yeah, I think I was 28. | ||
| Well, I just started acting on TV and I was panicking because my hair was seriously falling out. | ||
| And I was like, this shit is going quick. | ||
| And I was like, well, where's it going to go? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And just get thicker pubes. | |
| Well, I was like, I knew that part of the reason why I was making money was the way I looked. | ||
| I mean, I was doing stand-up and I was acting in these shows, but I wasn't an ugly dude. | ||
| And it helped. | ||
| I was getting certain kind of roles, like boyfriend roles. | ||
| That's like something that a chick has to go through. | ||
| Yeah, you panic because you're like, well, this is how I'm making money and I never made any money before. | ||
| So all of a sudden, I went from being completely broke and being a super struggling comic. | ||
| Like if I got lucky, I was making $300 a week. | ||
| $350 a week was a big week. | ||
| Is that bad for a week guy? | ||
| It's perfect if you're a 25-year-old guy, which is what I was trying to make it as a comic. | ||
| Then I went from that to making fucking shitpiles of TV money. | ||
| You're like, how do I not make it? | ||
| I am not getting rid of this. | ||
| I got to figure out a way to keep this rolling. | ||
| But if I should have just shaved my head, I just didn't know. | ||
| Didn't know the freedom. | ||
| The freedom. | ||
| Even if I grew like a thick head of hair, I guarantee you I'd still shave my head. | ||
| I don't want to go to a barber. | ||
| I had a really nice lady who used to cut my hair too. | ||
| I loved her. | ||
| She's fun. | ||
| She's fun conversations, but I'd have to go to her fucking place. | ||
| And she'd have to come. | ||
| I mean, no, dude. | ||
| Dude, I'd wake up every four days. | ||
| I go. | ||
| What did you remind me of, dude? | ||
| Because you're talking about that chilling procedure, but I was on some JB Smoothie said this dinner show where it'd be like a couple athletes and a couple comics. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And I, and I don't really follow sports, but these guys were interested. | ||
| He was a hockey player in some football player. | ||
| Michael I am. | ||
| They're talking about all these treatments they would get, you know? | ||
| And most of them start out as beauty treatments for rich fucking Hollywood women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And then they trickle down to athletes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Is that something like that? | ||
| Cryo? | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I swear to God, they were talking about cryo that way, like it was for fucking hot chicks. | ||
| Because they're kind of, like, a hot chick's a kind of athlete, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, you start out, and then you go like, oh, she gets red shoe. | |
| She's like, yeah, and then you blow your arm out. | ||
| Like Kathleen Turner blew her face out from that drug. | ||
| What drugs was she on? | ||
| Steroids for arthritis. | ||
| No way. | ||
| She didn't want to be, she wanted people to know about some illness because she thought she got less work. | ||
| So she just was like, took all the jokes about how she looked like a man. | ||
| She just took all the jokes to work and then finally came out. | ||
| Which I got them like, hey, good for you, man, if you got work at it. | ||
| Because you know, people are terrified of people find out for a sick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, going from being an insanely hot woman to being gross, that is a change of everything. | ||
| That's a change of everything. | ||
| It's like character. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| It's a character building. | ||
| It's like a rich guy losing all his money. | ||
| You find out who really liked you the whole time, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It changes how you interface with the world. | ||
| Like a beautiful woman interfaces with the world like the most popular celebrity possible. | ||
| Like a beautiful woman is like Tom Cruise everywhere she goes. | ||
| It's like Michael Costa has a bit about that. | ||
| Also, it's almost the same amount of danger, too, of you got to watch who's coming up on you, like how famous person was. | ||
| Wait worse, though. | ||
| For girls, you think way worse. | ||
| Way crazier. | ||
| But listen, men are dangerous, and that's why we have a system called the patriarchy to help protect women. | ||
| Michael Costa has a bit about. | ||
| We had a great system to protect women from the dangers of men called patriarchy. | ||
| And we threw it away. | ||
| We threw it away because of colleges. | ||
| Listen, I think it's important to talk about patriarchy because I feel that young 20-year-old women need their own Illuminati to talk about, you know? | ||
| Yeah, totally in their failures on. | ||
| Is that going on? | ||
| Yeah, it's like it's Illuminati for girls. | ||
| Finally. | ||
| Conspiracy theory. | ||
| It's patriarchy. | ||
| Well, this is what you ask for the set definition. | ||
| There isn't one. | ||
| Isn't that suspicious? | ||
| The same with racism. | ||
| There is one in the dictionary, but that's not the acceptable one. | ||
| Ask just any online feminist, what does it mean? | ||
| There's no it means you're my ex-boyfriend named George. | ||
| You're a click of mean girls, is that patriarchy? | ||
| Men are in a position of power. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the patriarchy. | ||
| But men have been in the workplace for hundreds of years more than women. | ||
| There's a real problem with the idea that all of a sudden it should be caught up. | ||
| But what about you? | ||
| I actually hear this shit where somebody goes, and people wonder where all the female comedians are. | ||
| Who said that? | ||
| Dude, there were people talking about it when Louis got shellacked by that fucked up article. | ||
| People were saying that shit about, you know, how come there's not an equal number of female comedians to males? | ||
| Well, because women are treated better in our society. | ||
| If there's ever an equal amount of female comedians, you know women are being abused way more than ever. | ||
| Because you don't get in this job from a happy... | ||
| You get laughs because you're fucked up. | ||
| So I hope there's not a lot of women in it. | ||
| That would mean they're being raped more. | ||
| There's that, but it is also, it's just from a female perspective, if a chick's funny, it's harder because something happened to her. | ||
| They can't, but they can't talk about certain things. | ||
| Like no man wants to see a woman on stage telling politics stories or politic jokes. | ||
| If it's funny, you know, you say that. | ||
| Liz Winstead did create a Moby Daily Show. | ||
| Maybe you. | ||
| Maybe you. | ||
| But most people in the audience for a woman started. | ||
| I won't rule out anything. | ||
| I won't say any premise is hacky, just punchline. | ||
| So if your premise is airline fucking peanuts, that's fine. | ||
| Tell me what your punchline is. | ||
| Maybe your punchline justifies it. | ||
| I won't rule out any premises. | ||
| I'm the opposite. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| Premises are hacky. | ||
| But people probably don't want to hear it. | ||
| It's like, look, if you can get people to listen to some shit that they basically don't want to hear, like, oh, great. | ||
| Like, this is when I used to do the black rooms when I started. | ||
| Listen, I'm totally in agreement with you. | ||
| I'm totally in agreement with you. | ||
| We're not talking about Cape Man coffee. | ||
| We're not talking caffeine. | ||
| I feel wired as fuck right now. | ||
| Dude, I'm wicked wired from that. | ||
| How much caffeine is you? | ||
| 270 milligrams. | ||
| How many did you drink? | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Well, I just started sipping one, but I'm like, I just want to drink. | ||
| But there's a second one that's empty. | ||
| Did you black out and suck that one drink? | ||
| I just drank one. | ||
| What the fuck is this? | ||
| Dude, it's a damn thing. | ||
| I'm not talking about me. | ||
| I'm talking about most people that they're going to, when a woman goes on stage and does stand-up, most people that are going to be in the audience, there's men that are just not going to want to hear you talk about politics. | ||
| There's men that are not going to want to hear you talk about sex. | ||
| It's harder for a woman. | ||
| I think it's a harder position. | ||
| Being a stand-up comic for a woman is just harder. | ||
| So I think if it's harder, you're naturally going to see less people doing it, and then there's naturally less people inclined to do it. | ||
| But it's just like female MMA. | ||
| Most women are not going to do it, but guess what? | ||
| A lot of women do it. | ||
| If you're the type that does it, you fucking do it. | ||
| But there's no fucking... | ||
| Why aren't there an equal number of women than men? | ||
| Don't say that, right? | ||
| They're not really fans of... | ||
| Remember, I don't think that's it. | ||
| I think it's because it's an untenable argument. | ||
| What? | ||
| You can't say there should be an equal amount of women fighting as men because it's not. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Well, it's getting punched in the face. | ||
| That's one area. | ||
| That's one area where we agree. | ||
| It's one area we get to, we go, oh, yeah, well, men are, they do this better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| This is they do it more. | ||
| They're doing it constantly. | ||
| And there's some elite female athletes in MMA. | ||
| Don't get me wrong. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Rival the elite athletes of men. | ||
| They used to be men. | ||
| They had the operation. | ||
| They're seeing way more men. | ||
| Fucking way more. | ||
| I mean, it's not even a matter of time. | ||
| Same with basketball in WSP. | ||
| It's punching sport. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Right, but this is what my point is. | ||
| The same as stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, because stand-up's another getting punched in the face sport to me. | ||
| It's super fucking difficult. | ||
| You take an emotional beating. | ||
| Some people don't want to do it. | ||
| It's not a judgment call. | ||
| It's not like you're better or you're worse than that. | ||
| I think it picks you because the people that left that I started, Right. | ||
| And people that stage, I can't believe you're still here. | ||
| It's clearly a calling and not a beating. | ||
| Some people just decide, too, they've had enough. | ||
| They don't want to get off this fucking ride. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of guys that were like big time touring headliners. | ||
| They got to a point and they're like, fuck this. | ||
| They usually go to Vegas or something. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, they do that. | ||
| Or they just fucking get some sort of a writing job. | ||
| Some guys get writing jobs. | ||
| Or they start doing tree work like me. | ||
| They move to the middle of their work and freeze outside. | ||
| Just start cutting down trees. | ||
| You know, I like the Writers Guild, but... | ||
| Outside of that, your job is what you choose to do with your life. | ||
| When boys grow up playing with fucking trucks and superheroes, and girls grow up playing with dolls, and they obviously are more inclined in this direction, and men are more inclined in that direction, that we expect them to meet at any interest, and that we would force it? | ||
| And force it ruins it. | ||
| It also ruins it for women. | ||
| It makes them think that they should do jobs that they might not enjoy, and then they get really depressed. | ||
| Yeah, or they think that they need to prove themselves by doing a man's job. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Instead of just doing what they actually enjoy doing. | ||
| Well, I mean, you know, it's funny when I was a camera, my mom wanted to work, and she got a job, and then she was mad because she wanted to stop working. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I mean, it just depends on the level of need, right? | ||
| Like, if there's, like, a war or a bad economy or something, guess what? | ||
| You're going to go get a job. | ||
| Yeah, but that's a different thing, right? | ||
| That's different than the... | ||
| During war, like, everybody was sort of bonded together because, you know, they had to make shit constantly. | ||
| Well, there seems to be a much more of a... | ||
| You know, I was talking about my girlfriend. | ||
| My girlfriend's a comic. | ||
| Like, I realized... | ||
| This even ties in with this Jazz Night thing because I realized, like... | ||
| Or she realized that, like, half the bad things that happened to her in the last four years were social media related. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Or maybe all of it. | ||
| I'm thinking about it, like... | ||
| If I think of all the bullshit, like, stress on my life that I had in you, it's from fucking social media. | ||
| I know, but it is real, though. | ||
| Like, I've had a couple theaters canceled on me recently. | ||
| I have people trying to ruin my life. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| I mean, strangers, like, set out, I'm going to ruin your life. | ||
| Like, where I was like, wow, you got a lot of... | ||
| Oh, dude, it costs money now. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| That's one reason why... | ||
| What did you get theaters canceled for? | ||
| Well, I booked two art schools. | ||
| I just paid them to rent it, like, the area, and I sold it out myself, and then they would just cancel saying that I do hate speech or something. | ||
| What art school? | ||
| There's one, Merritt, in Chicago, and then Brooklyn School of Music just canceled on me, and I had to switch it that day. | ||
| Chicago and Brooklyn, though, are, like, hotbeds. | ||
| Well, first of all, Chicago is filled with social jihadis. | ||
| And I thought I was safe. | ||
| Like, I'm a piano player. | ||
| I never say SGW. | ||
| Social jihadis. | ||
| No, dude, and I thought that was, like, my safe spot. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I'm a piano player, man. | ||
| Chicago is so full of, like... | ||
| Dude, everywhere is everywhere. | ||
| It's like the nothing from the NeverEnding Story. | ||
| It's just, like, everywhere now. | ||
| Well, you know, dude, if you go to these underserved markets, like, Detroit's right there. | ||
| There's people that want to see you in Detroit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You go to, like... | |
| Bro, I'll go to Detroit in a heartbeat. | ||
| Detroit is fucking amazing. | ||
| I love Detroit, man. | ||
| I'm in track. | ||
| Is that the fucking area I was in? | ||
| No, I did this place small. | ||
| Some rock club. | ||
| Dude, it was tremendous. | ||
| Yeah, I had a great time in Detroit. | ||
| I did that. | ||
| Fillmore. | ||
| I did two shows there. | ||
| It was fucking amazing. | ||
| I opened for Schwartz in there, like, seven years ago. | ||
| It was sick. | ||
| Fucking fun, man. | ||
| They appreciate you. | ||
| Well, it's easy to forget... | ||
| They're happy to be there. | ||
| ...you know, this horse shit. | ||
| Because there's this cult that these people are in that's in Hollywood and New York and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's a total religion. | |
| That's just there. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| If you're in the rest of the country, people aren't... | ||
| You know, this is the thing that you get fooled with social media is you think this is, like, reality. | ||
| No, but it is everywhere, but they don't like it. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| Like, Hollywood can have people being like, oh, no, this is great. | ||
| But it is in other colleges, and, like, all of college kids write me that they have to sign a white privilege contract at, like, their college. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does that mean? | |
| But at least they... | ||
| It means they acknowledge their white privilege. | ||
| privilege which is basically i don't know something that happens usually before genocide or whatnot but wait but you acknowledge your white privilege it means that you have it easier. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I've never heard of that. | ||
| Bro, it's unreal. | ||
| Well, they're giving kids in certain schools, they're giving kids lectures on gender and that how some people are gender fluid, meaning that they can switch back and forth from male to female at any time. | ||
| Like at what point in time do we go, okay, maybe that's true, but what's the odds that that's nonsense? | ||
| The odds that are overwhelming. | ||
| I mean, it might be someone with some sort of a psychological disorder where they do bounce back and forth between being a man and a woman. | ||
| But at what point in time can we recognize that this is a psychological disorder? | ||
| And this is just not a natural state of being, like having red hair. | ||
| By the way, also, I don't give a shit. | ||
| I know, it's not a reality thing, man. | ||
| Why does that involve me? | ||
| But why do you have to teach kids that are not afraid of that? | ||
| People fighting to be, you know, they go like, well, white is considered default. | ||
| I'm like, well, that's because it's a majority white population. | ||
| Like, default doesn't mean... | ||
| Fighting by default? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Like when people go, flesh-colored band-aids are white, which I don't even know if that's still true. | ||
| No brown band-aids. | ||
| It's literally a matter of population. | ||
| Why are you fighting to be default or the boring... | ||
| I didn't want to be in the main. | ||
| Dude, my hype shit. | ||
| I can't go on a fucking roller coaster. | ||
| Well, the answer to the band-aid thing is very easy. | ||
| At the time that band-aids were invented, there was a far greater population of white people. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| There's more now. | ||
| Would they say within 30 years, white people are going to be the minority? | ||
| I think they're also freed out, too. | ||
| Looking forward to it. | ||
| Damn way. | ||
| Like, is my kid white? | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| Your kid is definitely not white. | ||
| Well, yeah, he kind of fish and your kid's half Mexican. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So can I smoke this in here, by the way? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| I'd rather you not. | ||
| Is that marijuana? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you got going on there? | ||
| Some little glass pipe? | ||
| Yeah, it's a chillum. | ||
| A chillum. | ||
| That's what these are. | ||
| It's like a fish concert pipe. | ||
| I thought a chillum was that thing they do with hash. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I'm not sure, but that's what it is. | ||
| I mean, it's just the same thing. | ||
| So it's just a one-hitter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We got joints here if you want to spark a joint. | ||
| I do want to spark a joint. | ||
| I think it's because of student debt that all this shit's happening. | ||
| Because of what? | ||
| Student debt? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's because of a lot of fucking... | ||
| The economy tanked. | ||
| All of a sudden, there's money to be made. | ||
| And there's $60,000 in debt for underwater vagina ballet, and then they have to justify it somehow. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| First of all, if you are an expert in underwater vagina ballet, that's a marketable skill to me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should not be broke at all. | ||
| Underwater vagina ballet. | ||
| The social media, if you notice, the news media start taking cues from gossip shit. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So TMZ is almost a quaint old respectable thing now. | ||
| Dude, the onion is the most valid smoke out of the werewolf, right? | ||
| Dude, that's exactly what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm going to smoke out of this waiting for you to get to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| That's okay. | ||
| But you know, fucking up. | ||
| You just keep drinking crack until I want to get it. | ||
| Whenever Gawker and fucking BuzzFeed, basically the print media starts going out of business. | ||
| All of a sudden, gossipy bullshit and all the social jihadi. | ||
| It makes a lot of money. | ||
| It makes a lot of money. | ||
| Everything's got to be outrage or uplifting. | ||
| Click. | ||
| Yeah, and my friend works in, she don't know more, but my friend Aaron, yo, you knew her from when you came on Race Wars at Syria. | ||
| Oh, yeah, I remember Aaron. | ||
| Yeah, she used to be managing editor at Jezebel, okay? | ||
| She would get sick at these fucking generations she spawned with her fucking stuff. | ||
| Just to sell shit, too. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It isn't like a big plan. | ||
| It's just like to sell Geico ads. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| There's now these people, whatever these problems are, they're claiming they don't want them solved. | ||
| They clearly want to have the conflict going on forever because they make a living on it. | ||
| There's people that just make, they're all on Patreon. | ||
| They're basically clergy. | ||
| They're clergy of this jihadi shit, and they're always on Patreon with a handout who help me go to schools and tell kids about fucking, you know. | ||
| Hit the werewolf. | ||
| Jenoquefs or whatever. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They got to make problems where there aren't any problems. | ||
| But I think it's because of our instinct to run away from a lion is stronger than towards a banana. | ||
| Let me offer an alternative point of view. | ||
| Think about how often you get into bullshit arguments online and you're a successful comedian who's married with children. | ||
| Now, think of yourself as being 20 years old at college, talking shit, writing a blog, whatever, decided you're going to take down all these monsters. | ||
| It's a natural inclination to do. | ||
| And it's also natural to pick a fucking side. | ||
| It's natural to decide. | ||
| You see people aggressive in one direction. | ||
| I'm going to be on the other side and say, fuck those people. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| I'm just smoking the manliest pipe in the world. | ||
| Don't mind me. | ||
| How dope is that? | ||
| SV pipe design on Instagram. | ||
| Like talking about fucking society and shit, smoking a werewolf pipe. | ||
| Go on, Mr. Ogle. | ||
| But you can't default on any of these loans. | ||
| It's a trillion-dollar debt. | ||
| Well, that's a giant issue. | ||
| Those kids are getting fucked because it's a hustle. | ||
| They tell you you have to do it. | ||
| And in some jobs, you do have to do it. | ||
| But you should probably think about what the fuck you want to do with your life ultimately before you do it. | ||
| I don't think it's a bad idea to travel overseas, to experience some things, take some jobs, and then get some life experiences that, you know what, I'm leaning towards being a this. | ||
| Or what interests me is that. | ||
| Take the time to find out what gender you are. | ||
| Don't let your birthflow be. | ||
| Find out if you bounce. | ||
| Dude, I spent 50 grand on a history education that I could have gotten from Dan Carlin for nothing. | ||
| Grab that letter. | ||
| Or Daniel. | ||
| Oh, dude, yeah, he's on. | ||
| History on fire. | ||
| History on fire. | ||
| Spartacus is sick. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker, that Danielle Balilli. | ||
| I don't know anything about him. | ||
| He's a history podcast guy. | ||
| Well, you just have committed to not reading books by white males for the next month. | ||
| Just read more books of people of color. | ||
| You can read books by white people, but the way I suggest, I suggest a five-to-one ratio. | ||
| People of color makes no sense. | ||
| What does a Nigerian, a Filipino, and like a Sri Lankan have in common? | ||
| There was something. | ||
| Jordan Peterson tweeted real recently. | ||
| It was a HuffPost editor that was talking about her ultimate goal of getting more contributions being white or less contributions being white, more contributions by people of color and women. | ||
| And she had like this whole breakdown in numbers, like the numbers that they've achieved of how they're still working on it of getting rid of the white voice. | ||
| Just be the white woman's work that he's never done. | ||
| That's the bottom line. | ||
| White women do so much. | ||
| 'Cause I don't know any black people, by the way, Dude, I can't think of a single black person in my life that has ever demanded I say any of it or agree or this news. | ||
| This new identity shit. | ||
| It's never the shit that they're claiming. | ||
| I'm 40, though, so this is like people like, I guess, my age and not. | ||
| It's generational, dude. | ||
| yeah, if you were in the 20s, if you were hanging out with 20-year-old kids, you'd be experiencing this. | ||
| Well, now they went full circle. | ||
| But they're trying to say that your dick doesn't matter, though. | ||
| With the racism, I can't even believe it's at a point where people with a straight face push segregation under the guise of anti-you know what I mean? | ||
| Like all that safe space. | ||
| This is a colored space. | ||
| I'm like, you know, we had that in the 50s and shit. | ||
| Well, that's the Soviet Union. | ||
| They do everything the opposite. | ||
| It's double speak. | ||
| Tolerance is authoritarianism. | ||
| Well, yeah, but wait, say it again. | ||
| I'm saying that. | ||
| It's all the opposite. | ||
| It's double speak. | ||
| Where if you say tolerance, that means authoritarianism. | ||
| No, it's what is enforced tolerance. | ||
| Yeah, they solve the tolerance. | ||
| Yeah, it becomes like a mandatory behavior pattern that you're supposed to be. | ||
| Like hate speech is free speech. | ||
| It just doesn't. | ||
| Who decides hate? | ||
| Once you got, being a stupid cult, I got, I have an obsession. | ||
| Well, explain to people because people haven't heard me on your show before, they don't know about you. | ||
| He's a Jehovah's Witness, which I never thought of as a cult, honestly. | ||
| I never called them a cult, and I never really had an anger towards it. | ||
| But when I think about it, you know, they didn't help my fucking, it didn't help my fucking family. | ||
| It only hurt. | ||
| And that's the thing with these religions. | ||
| They never help. | ||
| And that's what this shit is. | ||
| See, some religions, I think, can help certain people. | ||
| I don't believe they don't. | ||
| Especially the people who are not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The parts that helped were fucking the nicest people on the planet. | |
| What I'm saying is the parts that helped were parts I didn't need the religion for. | ||
| You didn't, but you have an accelerated mind. | ||
| I mean, I saw people have their lives. | ||
| I saw a guy who was at meth head. | ||
| I remember this in my church, and he had like bad teeth and shit. | ||
| And then his whole family came in. | ||
| And all of a sudden, he had new teeth, and they were like a happy news. | ||
| I see what an atheist is. | ||
| That's what that too, though. | ||
| I see atheists like that. | ||
| Oh, sorry. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| I wanted to hear that story because that's what I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah, no, I've seen that happen. | ||
| I don't think I'm an atheist at all. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| So when you were under that truck, so when you were in that accident, did you contemplate like, oh my God, I might be going to heaven or I might be going to hell? | ||
| Or you're like, yes, I'm dead. | ||
| I didn't even have time for that until we were spending it. | ||
| Just like, this is the end. | ||
| But I'll tell you why it felt good was it was so out of my control what was happening. | ||
| I mean, not one part of it, because usually I think I'm going to die because I fucking did something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But like, it was so out of my hands that it was comforting. | ||
| Like, I was like, oh, there's nothing. | ||
| It's just your time when it's your time, man. | ||
| And it's nothing my fault. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| I'm like, oh, that's right. | ||
| Versus me, I'm like, I shouldn't have tweeted that. | ||
| Is there stabbing? | ||
| I think that's, this is the creepy part because Jehovah's Witnesses and that guy with the teeth, he had a way to come back in. | ||
| Or my ex-girlfriend that got caught shoplifting because all white girls shoplift. | ||
| I don't know if you know that. | ||
| They do. | ||
| Because no one would ever believe it was them. | ||
| Passwords. | ||
| Winona Ryder was the queen of shoplifting white girls. | ||
| Because who would think she would do that? | ||
| I would ask, but they all do it. | ||
| And they all have it. | ||
| They all do it? | ||
| Almost all white girls. | ||
| Unless they're, I mean, my church, I'm sure there were sincere people that didn't shoplift. | ||
| That is a white girl fucking thing to do to shoplift birthdays. | ||
| A gal I don't know. | ||
| Have you seen tests? | ||
| A gal I used to date had a real issue. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was a real addicted shoplifter. | ||
| She got arrested hundreds of dollars of clothes. | ||
| She would go and change into different things, put things on under her clothes and walk out with them. | ||
| Well, my ex got caught and she had to go to, and I didn't even know, like, I don't even know why she didn't tell me. | ||
| She was like, I didn't want to tell you. | ||
| I'm like, I don't care. | ||
| But she got caught and had to do community service. | ||
| I think in like Harlem. | ||
| And she was afraid to do it. | ||
| But she said, like, people were walking up and like thanking her for like, you know, picking up trash with an orange vest because people just skip out on it. | ||
| And once you do the service, they wipe it from your record. | ||
| Basically, it's like you just got caught. | ||
| You're offered a way back where you don't have it on your record. | ||
| It's not a mark. | ||
| That's the thing that could work for somebody that's not going to be like, so religion has that. | ||
| If I want to go back and be Jehovah's Witness, I could go, listen, I was wrong. | ||
| I miss being part of the truth, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And I can get back in. | ||
| These people have created a religion where they catch you in some minor mistake and they throw you to your banished Kramer Island or whatever. | ||
| And they're fucking proud of it. | ||
| And the only way you can move ahead is to catch someone else. | ||
| So it's like it's so much worse than religion because there's no love or forgiveness of any kind. | ||
| It's this empty black. | ||
| And the only thing that matters is you're part of the right identity. | ||
| I mean, it's basically just a racism as religion. | ||
| But they use shame. | ||
| And that's why the only way out of it is to not care. | ||
| Because shame is the only way to control people. | ||
| Where they go, you're a big one. | ||
| But there's other ways. | ||
| You could control me other ways. | ||
| No, no, for the social justice warrior religion. | ||
| The way to do it is shame. | ||
| I think it's important what you're saying is that that it follows the same sort of patterns. | ||
| That these bitches should find Jesus, they'd be happier? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, gluten-free is culture. | ||
| You know Jesus Christ will fucking... | ||
| I mean, it's like what you experience as a Jehovah Witness is the same thing. | ||
| We were talking before you got here about them trying to cancel Jordan Peterson speeches, and these people were sending these emails, and professors were sending emails calling him a racist and a Nazi and saying he's a fascist and all these different things. | ||
| And what I'm saying is that when you ramp up the fake reality to the point where you're saying things you know aren't true. | ||
| You think you're doing it for the right reason. | ||
| They do it purposely. | ||
| They do it purposely. | ||
| They think they're doing it for the right reason. | ||
| But if they really are, they're really not a fan of Jordan Peterson. | ||
| They would realize how crazy it is to say he's racist, how crazy it is to say he's transphobic or anything. | ||
| He's not a Nazi by any stretch of the imagination. | ||
| He just doesn't tolerate nonsense. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| And they want nonsense. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| So they're proving him right by calling him a Nazi. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Well, it's just, look, this is why I think that it'll just burn itself out eventually because you can't keep throwing, they throw people, they throw all their people away. | ||
| You had Jamie Kilstein on recently. | ||
| I never. | ||
| But they stick around like the hunchback in 300. | ||
| You know, they're like, can I get back in? | ||
| They don't really throw that out. | ||
| And I know that guy from when I started comedy, okay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Jamie was always like, I think I talked like a while ago, I talked about, but it was like, you know, he was always a dude that felt small. | ||
| I always got the impression his girlfriend made up most of most of most of him when I knew him. | ||
| That he met this girl he was married to and she put all that shit. | ||
| She turned him into who he was. | ||
| Because he's just like a low self-esteem dude. | ||
| I mean, I can relate to that. | ||
| I can relate to a lot of that shit of where someone's like, all right, somebody feels bad and they want to be part of a group. | ||
| But that's what I'm just fascinated. | ||
| Like, how do you, for yourself, like, how do you like make all, and he's telling me all his personal experience, like, some shit I won't share, but like he can, but it sounded like being in a fucking religion. | ||
| And like, when it went, like, there's purity tests. | ||
| There's literally like purity tests. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Have you heard outside ideas? | ||
| You better not have listen to Tori Peters. | ||
| Dude, it sounded so much like we were supposed to guard our hearts and like not even read certain things. | ||
| You know, like, And if we had doubts, not say them because you might stumble your brother out of the faith. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And that's the worst thing there is. | ||
| Like, okay, just put your question aside because God forbid you say something that puts doubt in Owen and then he falls out of the truth. | ||
| It's a clever little tactic. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| So they all do. | ||
| So the reason they got to crack down on bullshit like comedy or whatever the fuck or your Facebook or who give if you give a shit about something somebody tweeted, I mean, you must be fucking stupid, but that's all of America. | ||
| Well, it hurts. | ||
| Cognitive dissonance hurts, where it's like, Donald Trump is Hitler, now give him all your guns. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Like, that hurts your brain. | ||
| And so when someone shows up. | ||
| Say that again. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Say that again. | ||
| So the smoking pot. | ||
| So a lot of these same people have been all year have been trying to convince everyone that Donald Trump's being run by the Russians and he's Adolf Hitler. | ||
| And then the government should have all your guns. | ||
| It's the same with being pro-free market, but not acknowledging. | ||
| I've smoked yourself stupid. | ||
| Yeah, I really like it. | ||
| Both of us did. | ||
| I've certainly smoked myself stupid. | ||
| You know what Donald Trump is to me? | ||
| He's the guy. | ||
| He's the perfect, first of all, the perfect president of America. | ||
| This is, there's never been, and I mean for whatever party you're in, he is your avatar, man. | ||
| He is the fucking, like everybody that can't thinks they can do a job that they can't do, but they saw something on TV, like, I could probably do that better. | ||
| Like, it's high time we didn't have an expert, just a guy like me. | ||
| Like, he's the candidate of the volunteer fireman, of the gender studies professor, of the fucking, the, the vine star that became a comedian. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, all these people that like think they could just walk into some fucking, he is that. | ||
| Well, that's our DNA. | ||
| It's the people being like, the earth is flat. | ||
| Give me a boat. | ||
| Is there a golden pussy? | ||
| I'm going across the ocean. | ||
| Like, my truth and all that shit. | ||
| Like, dude, I don't know if you can't from Lewis and Clark. | ||
| Like, dude, the original fucking two-man comedy duo. | ||
| Wait, wait, wait, like the people that No shit. | ||
| Like, I'm the blood relative of that guy. | ||
| How'd you know that? | ||
| Did you go to one of those genealogy reports? | ||
| No, my dad told me. | ||
| He just knew. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Who told him? | ||
| It might be one of those Warren Pocahontas things. | ||
| I took the genealogy test. | ||
| It turns out I'm gay. | ||
| Is that dead, Dan? | ||
| How crazy is that Elizabeth Warren lady? | ||
| Oh, she's insane. | ||
| She won't take an ancestry test. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She won't take away. | |
| Oh, dude, it's the most classic. | ||
| You know, I will say this, though. | ||
| I had a guy on Racewars a long time ago. | ||
| What the name? | ||
| What the fuck is his name? | ||
| Sean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me ask you this. | |
| Oh, what? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But while we're on this Elizabeth Warren thing, do you care about whether or not she's really Native American? | ||
| You found out she's not. | ||
| Well, she brought it up for a while. | ||
| She took a job. | ||
| Like, she robbed these people. | ||
| Wait, what job? | ||
| Well, she's teaching at Harvard. | ||
| Teaching at Harvard. | ||
| She got like one of those. | ||
| She got a scholarship for being Native American. | ||
| She got a scholarship, too. | ||
| Well, how much Native American is she? | ||
| She pulled a Sean King. | ||
| 132nd. | ||
| Yeah, but you have to understand something. | ||
| And I didn't know this. | ||
| That shit of blood quantum... | ||
| Native Americans didn't have... | ||
| I go, Joe Rogan's my son. | ||
| He is now 100% part of my thing. | ||
| No matter what his blood, they didn't get hung up on that. | ||
| That only came about to divvy up benefits, you know, after we were. | ||
| Like the real evil shit we did to natives was in modern times. | ||
| Back then, I don't, I mean, that's what everybody did back then. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| But in modern times. | ||
| You're absolutely right, dude. | ||
| But in modern times, they did some very evil shit with them. | ||
| But the blood quantum, that was what they're kind of cool about the most Native nations is they didn't get hung up on your amount of blood. | ||
| When you're in the family, so you could be one. | ||
| Like Johnny Depp, when he said he got brought in the tribe so he could play Tonto, that's a legit thing traditionally in Native America. | ||
| They were much cooler about racial shit. | ||
| Like Europeans kind of brought that nonsense over more. | ||
| They used to kidnap people and people would stay with them. | ||
| They kidnaped it. | ||
| The Sebastian Younger is a better vibe. | ||
| The Sebastian Younger book detailed how many people would leave Western society and join the Native Americans. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know how much it was like separate countries. | ||
| See, if they teach American history, that's what they should start at the very first, whatever countries were here, and then just move up through America because it's thousands of years of shit. | ||
| Count them. | ||
| They don't even count them. | ||
| Dude, it's really interesting shit. | ||
| Like, I didn't know how populated it was. | ||
| Dude, they were considered fauna in Canada until the 60s. | ||
| Or it might have been Australia, but they were considered fauna. | ||
| I think that might be Australia. | ||
| Yeah, it's Australia. | ||
| Oh, the Aborigines, they have a terrible story. | ||
| In the 1950s, they kidnapped the Aborigine babies and made them raised by white people. | ||
| They took the babies from Aborigine families. | ||
| It's like, where'd you get that baby? | ||
| It's like, I don't know. | ||
| They did it like a concerted effort. | ||
| They were going to try to civilize these people. | ||
| They decided they were going to civilize these people. | ||
| My buddy Adam Greentree lives over there. | ||
| Yeah, he's born and raised, and he works in mining companies. | ||
| So he deals with all these different Aborigines, and they all have different languages. | ||
| They're called a mob, like instead of a clan or a town. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| They call themselves a mob. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, and they might have a totally different name for things as a guy that lives five miles away. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Like five miles away, there's a bunch of totally different names, and those people stick to themselves, and these people stick to theirselves. | ||
| So there are these like bands of them, hundreds of them, all over the place. | ||
| And all these different languages are all, they're losing all of them. | ||
| They're going to lose all these languages if these people get assimilated because they're not really written down in a lot of cases. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, dude, did you see that lady? | ||
| It was on some fucking discovery, maybe? | ||
| You know, one of them fucking things. | ||
| But the oldest human language, I think, is Kaesong people. | ||
| They got wiped out by the Zulus back in the day. | ||
| Like, Shaka Zulu conquered them. | ||
| But the Kaesong, their language is like the oldest thing they can find, supposedly. | ||
| K-A-E song, S-O-N-G, I think. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| But so this old, there's one of this old ass lady who knew something about like the word, and it was like, well, she's like, they come from animal noises. | ||
| Like the lion goes, brah! | ||
| And then the words they got came from mimicking. | ||
| It was interesting as fuck, but it's such cradle of civilization shit. | ||
| But the K-Song, I think, I think it's like their language is the oldest proto. | ||
| Well, you know, monkeys have a language that's different, different sounds for different things. | ||
| Like, watch out, there's a lion is a different noise than watch out, there's an eagle. | ||
| And these biologists, or what would they be? | ||
| Will they be if they're studying monkeys? | ||
| Primatologists, I guess? | ||
| These primatologists set up these speakers and played the sound of watch out, it's an eagle. | ||
| And all the monkeys fucking ducked and went running down the tree. | ||
| And they played watch out, there's a lion, and they're all looking down. | ||
| So they have a language? | ||
| They have a language. | ||
| They have a language. | ||
| And they play tricks on each other. | ||
| Like one guy will say, hey, watch out, there's a lion. | ||
| And they all run up the tree and he gets the food. | ||
| By the way, I told it. | ||
| I told it tell I was coming on. | ||
| He goes, oh, you goes, you guys get all pothead excited about the same still learning championship. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Exactly, we do. | ||
| I'm never going to stop either. | ||
| I don't give a fuck what anybody says. | ||
| You can't shame me into getting not geeked out about super volcanoes and shit. | ||
| I'm going to freak out about it. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| It's wicked, exciting. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Super volcanoes? | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| Oh, we already talked about one before you got here that killed most of the people 70,000 years ago. | ||
| We were talking about how 70,000 years ago there was only 100,000 people. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Is this a rook still a thing that said that when they trace the genes back, it comes from a population of about 600 people? | ||
| Yeah, like small genes in the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, there was probably many times during our history where we dwindled down to a very small number, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It was really cold, too. | ||
| Oh, fuck, man. | ||
| In half of North America under more than a mile of ice. | ||
| And we made it through. | ||
| We can make it through Twitter, guys. | ||
| We can make it to Twitter, but you got to leave Anthony Jesswink alone. | ||
| This is how much weed has steered me off. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Here's the point. | ||
| Do you know how many people in the last two weeks, and I mean, having conversations about dire shit in their lives, or like so-and-so unfollowed me on Instagram, and it was weighing on them? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, why did so-and-so unfollow me? | ||
| How come you don't follow me on something? | ||
| And I'm like, dude, the greatest thing, that media shit storm, man, because I feel like I did everything you can do on social media by having that happen. | ||
| I got to the limits of social media for myself. | ||
| I haven't banned out of it. | ||
| I'm so glad. | ||
| I'm so glad. | ||
| I mean, I put shit to promote on it, but I was telling you that, like, I'm so glad not to be talking to people on fucking social media. | ||
| The idea that I would give a shit, and that's like adults, man, like grown adults. | ||
| They unfollowed me on Instagram. | ||
| Like, just think of it, dude, who gives a shit if Jesnik blocked you on Twitter. | ||
| I mean, just funny. | ||
| I know we're all cyborgs. | ||
| It's definitely not funny. | ||
| I was too aggressive, but it's not even that funny. | ||
| But there's no context. | ||
| There's no context on Twitter. | ||
| So it doesn't matter. | ||
| There's no way to take it right because it's not being said. | ||
| You could say it to somebody and they go, oh, I get what he's saying. | ||
| And let's say even he got the context. | ||
| You're trying to be funny. | ||
| Someone else is going to make it something it's not. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| It's such... | ||
| It didn't even occur to me, dude, how much like... | ||
| Like, like, people that shouldn't even be allowed to make fucking eye contact with me that I'm having discourses with and shit online. | ||
| You shouldn't be allowed to find contact with me. | ||
| No, like, I mean, just the, because you're getting your head. | ||
| Dude, I had people like threatening crazy. | ||
| Whatever the shit you hear some fucking college speaker complain about, 10 times over I had coming at me from, I'm going to rape and murder your niece. | ||
| Well, it's explained for most people that don't know what to do. | ||
| I did a terrible thing where I said, hey, if you get raped, maybe go to the cops on the way to posting it on Facebook that UCB has determined guilt in a rape case. | ||
| I'm merely suggesting. | ||
| Hit the brakes. | ||
| Hit the brakes. | ||
| No one knows what the fuck you're talking about. | ||
| So let's just explain the story. | ||
| Dude, this cop is so strong. | ||
| It's very strong. | ||
| He's off the charts. | ||
| No, I only had one and a quarter, and it is fucking strong. | ||
| It's crank. | ||
| I'm trying to counteract it with this indico. | ||
| I just want people to understand the story. | ||
| There was a guy that was accused of rape, and you had decided they shouldn't be tried in the court of public opinion on social media. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And what you said is why. | ||
| And you said that I'm not sure if you're not. | ||
| It's my friend. | ||
| First of all, not somebody's my friend. | ||
| Not somebody, no, not even defending him. | ||
| I'm defending anybody. | ||
| Like, how is this fucking cool that this is going to be tried on fucking Facebook? | ||
| Someone is sending around a message that so-and-so has been found. | ||
| UCB, the noted clown college, has done an internal investigation and determined so-and-so is guilty of rape. | ||
| So if you have any information, come in. | ||
| That's on Facebook. | ||
| Did they really say it that way? | ||
| It was first in an online woman group, then it got leaked onto regular Facebook. | ||
| But is it, but is a representative of the UCB that said that they didn't? | ||
| It was some fucking girl on her own. | ||
| Oh, I found out that it wasn't. | ||
| Well, that's a big difference, right? | ||
| But she did it under the umbrella of UCB. | ||
| Did she do it under the UCB Twitter page or Facebook page, rather? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| It was from Twitter or something. | ||
| Well, whatever it is, I mean, she could have found it. | ||
| I just found it from Mike Che. | ||
| I saw it on Mike Che's page. | ||
| It wasn't even the thing I found. | ||
| The problem is if you're saying the UCB did it and they didn't, that's the problem. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| She said that. | ||
| But you said the UCB determined that it was rape. | ||
| I saw a post that said that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And this is from a person. | ||
| But she said it. | ||
| The UCB didn't say it. | ||
| No, it's not their official word at all. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So it's just a person who's a person. | ||
| Yeah, bro, let's be very clear about that. | ||
| They never claimed that. | ||
| It was a person who I think was like a rape counselor or something or somebody to deal with like this. | ||
| There's a bunch of people. | ||
| It was like a rapey job. | ||
| So something happened between performers. | ||
| Something happened between performers and this one guy was being accused. | ||
| And you said he should, just real simple, without knowing who's guilty or not. | ||
| You said he shouldn't be tried. | ||
| Here's what happened. | ||
| A guy that opened for me somewhere was friends with him and go, hey, can he call you? | ||
| Now, first question, why I call me? | ||
| What am I a noted rape investigator on Facebook? | ||
| I think just because I was somebody that yelled, this is me not being aware of what's building up. | ||
| I just yell out on Facebook about stuff and I had a following. | ||
| So it's almost like a, oh, like, can he talk to you and then throw your weight behind? | ||
| You know, I think it was like, but I'm, you know, I didn't look at it as shit at Facebook like that. | ||
| Like it was like not, I didn't understand like how people were looking at my Facebook. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| But anyway, I talked to the guy on the phone and he told me something I think was a lie. | ||
| I mean, you know, obviously I can't say one or the other, but looking back, I think what he told me is a lie, that people were accusing him because he didn't book them on his show, which just doesn't really make a lot of sense. | ||
| Comedy women were that quick to pull the trigger on a rape accusation. | ||
| You look at how evil they would have to be. | ||
| Oh, he won't book me? | ||
| He fucking raised me. | ||
| Do you know how crazy that accusation is? | ||
| I can believe they would be involved in comedy, but that many at once together. | ||
| It's like, light me at eight minutes. | ||
| Make it 10 or else we got a rape on our hands. | ||
| Well, but so quick. | ||
| But my point was, if this dude's guilty, this is worse because what you've done is handed somebody a lawsuit. | ||
| You can't defame someone like that. | ||
| And it's like, like, you could just get sued for that. | ||
| And also, this is. | ||
| You have to be convicted before you're allowed to say that, like, legally. | ||
| But to me, it's not, I mean, it's like they're taking the campus thing of like where we're going to have a college campus kick you out of school for that rape you committed. | ||
| Dude, what you said was undeniably hard. | ||
| No, I'm sorry. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| But that's not a punishment. | ||
| That's not a punishment for rape is you get kicked out of school. | ||
| This is gender studies bullshit trickling down into real life. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So the colleges, I assume, let that go on because they don't want to be known as a school where your daughter could get raped. | ||
| So they let these little groups pretend to have power and do a little tribunal, and then everybody's happy. | ||
| But meanwhile, a rapist got expelled. | ||
| That's their punishment. | ||
| Great job. | ||
| It sounds like the Catholic Church transferring people. | ||
| It doesn't sound any different. | ||
| So this is someone, so to me, that was just like a garbage ass. | ||
| If this guy's dangerous, go to the fucking cops. | ||
| So then I'm getting all these people come to me about like, don't you dare tell a victim to go. | ||
| I don't know you're a victim yet, though. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| Like when a victim says they're a victim, if you don't believe them, you're calling them a liar. | ||
| We have to make sure you are a victim before we say one way or the other. | ||
| So we're getting ahead of ourselves. | ||
| But this is just basic due process shit. | ||
| I guess the argument is because historically, this is like the argument coming against me from Feminist Lane. | ||
| Historically, women are not believed, which, by the way, by who? | ||
| Other women? | ||
| Because what my experience is, is any woman close to me that says she got raped, I probably believe her. | ||
| And every man I know. | ||
| In fact, I know women that get dudes into fights over shit like that, especially if you're in like white trash town where I grew up around. | ||
| Like, women are the ones that don't believe other women. | ||
| Men are the only people stupid enough to believe women most of the time. | ||
| Okay, so that's already a bullshit thing that women aren't believed. | ||
| There's lynching. | ||
| Rosewood, remember that shit? | ||
| That was because a white woman was just believed, and then there's a bunch of lynchings of black people. | ||
| Well, I think there's got to be instances. | ||
| We should be very measured about this because there's got to be instances in which women weren't believed. | ||
| Of course, but it doesn't matter. | ||
| It has nothing to do with the idea. | ||
| The idea is that you can't believe them every time. | ||
| Well, the larger point is that. | ||
| You have to look at it as an individual case. | ||
| Every case is individual, and you look at it because that's fair. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Let's say no woman in history has ever lied about rape once. | ||
| Well, you still have to have due prophecy in case it happens once. | ||
| I'm not getting sacrificed to the state for the good of the fucking, you know what I mean? | ||
| If that shit happens in me. | ||
| And it does happen. | ||
| It's easier than you think. | ||
| It happens when you have something to lose like you're famous or in custody cases. | ||
| Rape case. | ||
| Yeah, and how many news stories of this going uncritically believed? | ||
| When, by the way, was someone not believed in the media? | ||
| And it turned out, I see a lot of people getting believed who lied. | ||
| None of it matters, though, because, like I said, that has no bearing on my individual anything. | ||
| Like, if I'm a victim. | ||
| We've clear double standards as of like when we'll just believe you and when will be super scammed. | ||
| You know, Barry, Barry Crimmons, like, because he, you know, if you haven't seen that documentary, anybody listening, Call Me Lucky is really great. | ||
| So I, because he, because that guy's kind of heroic, what he did with AOL. | ||
| He basically, he was raped when he was four, which, I mean, that's crazy what that would do to somebody. | ||
| And he, I think he talked about it on stage first or something. | ||
| And he ended up, when the internet was first becoming a nationwide thing, he was, there was child pornography everywhere. | ||
| Like pedophiles would buy AOL by the hour if you were rich, and you could just freely trade child pornography. | ||
| So he had to testify before Congress, the Senate, and AOL had a lawyer there because they didn't want to change their policy, which was three strikes and you're out for child pornography. | ||
| That's in the beginning. | ||
| They actually, with a straight face, like we have a firm three strikes and you're out policy. | ||
| Isn't that crazy that that was only like 1995 or 96 or something like that, wasn't it? | ||
| Dude, it's one of the best parts of the documentary because Barry's like, well, he told me is like the guy says three strikes you're out and goes, yeah, listen, I love baseball too, but I love baseball more than anybody. | ||
| But the senators and congressmen were tripping over themselves in a manly display of being ignorant of technology or something. | ||
| Barry really is like a quotable dude, like the shit says, but they go, well, I don't know what all this internet is. | ||
| I just know that pornography is bad. | ||
| Like some of them didn't know where the fuck they were. | ||
| Robert Byrd is just like with the scourge of pornography. | ||
| We're here for the scourge of pornography. | ||
| And at one point in the doc, he was talking about how it was almost like the other lawyer against him and it was who had better stage presence. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, where he was just clearly a better speaker. | ||
| Like this really expensive lawyer was just like a shitty opener. | ||
| And Barry's just such a happy former and Barry got to talk. | ||
| Yeah, and it was just a lot of fun. | ||
| He just testified. | ||
| You know, he went over his time or he went over his time. | ||
| Barry did. | ||
| So they had to change. | ||
| But anyway, I wrote to him after that. | ||
| I saw the documentary. | ||
| I was like, wow, that guy is fucking. | ||
| Maybe he cry, man. | ||
| I was like crying from that documentary. | ||
| Well, anyway, so when the shit like all that shit came down on me, people were going to Barry to get him to denounce me. | ||
| Like I hardly knew him. | ||
| So he called me up and you have to realize a lot of this shit because he did real work helping people who rape victims, kids who were abilitable. | ||
| Like Batman shit, okay? | ||
| And basically, he fucking, this shit's turf. | ||
| If you're a feminist or whatever political thing, he goes, you understand this is turf to them. | ||
| They don't give a shit about an actual victim. | ||
| So, like, it's, you know, you'll try to do something good or help someone. | ||
| And if you go to one of these groups, they grab it and they use it as their little symbol or whatever. | ||
| It's never about an individual person. | ||
| I talked to this woman at this woman when the height of things coming down to me for saying go to the cops and not Facebook. | ||
| And all these people are like, no, like the system has failed. | ||
| Well, I don't know that. | ||
| You didn't go to the system. | ||
| So how do you know? | ||
| also you're a white woman I think it'll She wanted to get in touch with me. | ||
| Some other creep inserted herself, like some blogger chick who initially, basically they baited me with these nonsense arguments. | ||
| That's what I'm saying to watch on there because nobody's talking to you on there, like having a chat, or that's what I learned. | ||
| They're baiting you to get you to say something that they can say, I took down such and so. | ||
| And there's no, I'm from this dumb cult, so I'm sincerely interested in being a chatty Kathy. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Like a little cunt. | ||
| And people are not sincere. | ||
| They want to make a name for themselves, Baiting you into doing something to get you in trouble. | ||
| And they will fucking fuck with you with shit you can't believe you'd be in trouble for saying, such as go to the police and not fucking Facebook if you're raped. | ||
| So this woman called me in the thick of it. | ||
| I don't know her name still, okay? | ||
| Because she didn't really know anything about me. | ||
| They're telling her I'm a rape apologist, which thank you for putting that next to my name online for all time. | ||
| I have now crazies just come pop up around. | ||
| It's just to put rape by your name. | ||
| It will explain what happened at the improv the other night. | ||
| Oh, this was a few months ago. | ||
| I didn't know about it. | ||
| I need to see what I'm saying. | ||
| Someone after this. | ||
| Some woman I've never met in my life. | ||
| Did they want to choose you right after it happened? | ||
| I think I texted you. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| My manager's assistant texts me a picture of somebody with giant glasses. | ||
| I feel like you told me in person. | ||
| I might have, but she goes, do you know this person? | ||
| I thought it was like someone from Tim and Eric. | ||
| Like, she was asking me about a cat. | ||
| I don't know what. | ||
| I go, no, why? | ||
| I go, Tim and Eric personality. | ||
| That kind of weird looks just like. | ||
| She went in the improv and said, Kurt Metzger raped me. | ||
| I'm here to confront him. | ||
| And yeah, they said she was visibly not right. | ||
| Like it wasn't like... | ||
| It's brutal. | ||
| But that's because they make these little shitty names like that. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| There's no such thing as that. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| No one's pro fucking rape. | ||
| Can you imagine if there's someone out there going, what's a little rape? | ||
| Yeah, no, this is not. | ||
| I've never met that guy. | ||
| Could you imagine that there's a person out there that's doing that? | ||
| That's going, what? | ||
| It's rape. | ||
| Yeah, same thing. | ||
| Yeah, if you don't accept every tenant of fucking white girl Taliban feminism, then you love rape. | ||
| That's the fucking argument. | ||
| It's like arguing with a girlfriend that you should have dumped three years ago. | ||
| It's a bad relationship, except you're not dating. | ||
| Why is it so hostile? | ||
| Because they're going, we don't even need... | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| I think part of it is social media. | ||
| Of course it is. | ||
| Because you're not really communicating with me. | ||
| I think all of it is social media. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So all these attacks and shit are anti-social. | ||
| They're like weird. | ||
| They're not the way people would talk. | ||
| Well, it's tricking these girls into thinking they're going to have their little angry black guy moment. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| You're not like black people. | ||
| You're not like a suppressed, marginalized minority. | ||
| I don't know where they're getting that from. | ||
| You are absolutely not an identity of women together. | ||
| And here's how I know. | ||
| They proved it at the women's march when they kicked the pro-life women out. | ||
| See, black people have to take all their garbage black people they have to take in their movement. | ||
| Because they still don't, though. | ||
| But black people have to. | ||
| They're forced to bargain like a minority. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| Women are half the population. | ||
| And at that fucking women's march, they kick out the pro-life women. | ||
| That's a luxury you have when you're not an oppressed minority. | ||
| That's when you have it pretty good. | ||
| We don't know what minority. | ||
| We don't know what? | ||
| Like, what does minority mean? | ||
| Like, being 6'7, I'm one in 10,000. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You know how weird is that? | ||
| Asians, that story, though, that's crazy that they kick out women. | ||
| You didn't know that? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| Just see if you can find that, Jamie. | ||
| Yeah, they go get out. | ||
| I want to see some footage. | ||
| I mean, I would be surprised if they were like kicking out. | ||
| They're like China women. | ||
| Yeah, like, you're not an oppressed minority if you can afford to kick out the pro-life women. | ||
| It's a crazy march. | ||
| It's a crazy time, too. | ||
| I mean, unobjectively, with no political leanings, left or right. | ||
| It's crazy when they're kicking out the people that are saying, don't kill the babies. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I mean, let's just look at what it is. | ||
| I mean, I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but what is a board? | ||
| You are aborting something that will eventually be a baby. | ||
| These are people that fundamentally refuse to acknowledge. | ||
| It's like watching people that should get divorced argue. | ||
| Like, the argument, I've tried to argue this patiently, because my mother doesn't hate women. | ||
| She's a Christian lady that thinks it's murder. | ||
| I think, hey, maybe you're killing a baby. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| It's not my baby. | ||
| Go do what you want. | ||
| The anti-the pro-choice area. | ||
| Super people. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Like, listen, if you're the kind of person that can do it, then maybe you should do it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, I don't give a shit. | ||
| It's not a fucking That's a good concern. | ||
| But, you know, conversely, also, if you have your kid, I also don't give a fuck about your kid. | ||
| I don't have kids. | ||
| I just don't. | ||
| I don't want anything bad to happen to you, but I'm just saying I'm not like... | ||
| You're so jacked up. | ||
| Why is the Women's March excluding pro-life women? | ||
| Well, this is the week. | ||
| Now, wait, are they again? | ||
| You should find someone that's saying that they're talking about it, but the things we're killing. | ||
| Listen, the bottom line is they go, and I've talked a million times to people that talk about it. | ||
| They go, it's either someone, they're always emotional, the person you're talking to. | ||
| And it's, A, they want to control my body as a woman. | ||
| That's why they're anti-abortion. | ||
| Like, no, they think it's baby murder. | ||
| No, they want to control my. | ||
| Then you talk to the other people, like, they want to have an immoral lifestyle and blah. | ||
| Like, no, that's not really. | ||
| It's a little gets broken down into that one sentence, a woman's right to choose. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you don't even say to choose what? | ||
| Like, keep going. | ||
| Like, they cut it off because it sounds uncomfortable. | ||
| It's a woman's right to choose to abort a baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I think it is. | ||
| That's not my right. | ||
| That's for me. | ||
| If I got pregnant, I would decide if I'm fucking avid and I couldn't care that I'm like, no, I'm going to decide. | ||
| Yeah, it's your decision. | ||
| I can only put myself in someone's shoes if that's what I'd want, so that's why I'm forced. | ||
| But Roe v. | ||
| Wade is a very excellent compromise, by the way. | ||
| Late-term abortion. | ||
| See, the late-term abortion is fucking gross. | ||
| And I understand if it's some miserable fucking defect, fine. | ||
| But if you look at the numbers, and it's very hard to get accurate abortion numbers because it's so politicized, the late-term abortions are not, as I would have thought, because of deformities. | ||
| It's a lot of times they either didn't know they were pregnant or just hit, like, it's kind of shitty. | ||
| Bro, it's that wrong, man. | ||
| But like I said, if you as a mother could do that that late, maybe you shouldn't raise a kid, you know? | ||
| But early on, I don't think you're murdering anything. | ||
| Like, if you do it early, I think you, you know. | ||
| It is a slippery conversation, though. | ||
| And this is what people who are ideologically attached to that left-wing dogma, they're not willing to have this conversation. | ||
| So if you have these pro-life women, they don't want to have a dialogue. | ||
| Like, their mind is completely made up. | ||
| Well, they better, listen, here's my other thing is, just be consistent. | ||
| If you're pro-life, because the Catholic Church is at least consistently pro-life, they're anti-death penalty. | ||
| Okay, they're pro-life. | ||
| They were against the Iraq war. | ||
| Like, okay, go down the line. | ||
| They're against birth control. | ||
| Yeah, because you're supposed to bring more life in. | ||
| So at least your teaching is consistent. | ||
| I can't stand these people that are like, no, if you want to have your right-wing, no social welfare state, do you're going to have to fucking allow abortion? | ||
| Because you're going to have To help take care of these fucking kids. | ||
| Are you willing to do that? | ||
| Some of them are, but a lot of them are not. | ||
| And by the way, if we went and blew up Iraq, there's Christians that want to do this. | ||
| There's Chaldean Christians there, okay? | ||
| They're like the original fucking Christians. | ||
| They have babies that they're collateral damage, you call them, and that's fine. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| But, okay, what's the difference between that and some woman in New York, the collateral damage of on the way to her career, she doesn't want to have a baby? | ||
| If you accept that, us dropping bombs on somebody's fucking pregnant wife and killing their unborn baby because it's convenient for us, then shut the fuck up about someone getting an abortion here because you're a hypocrite. | ||
| Be pro-life down the line. | ||
| But that's a very good rant and true. | ||
| Yeah, I can't go on Facebook anymore. | ||
| I'm getting trouble. | ||
| But it's a very good rant. | ||
| I mean, what you're saying is right. | ||
| The people are very convenient. | ||
| It's very inconsistent. | ||
| I think you're absolutely right. | ||
| I'm bitter for my religion because I'm like the sucker that would believe it, and then it would dawn on me later on. | ||
| Oh, yeah, we don't actually do that. | ||
| We're just, you know, chip on your shoulder because of that. | ||
| And you and I have had this conversation a bunch of times because you'll say, I know what these people are trying to do with their words. | ||
| I remember this shit from when I was Jehovah's Witnesses. | ||
| Scientists' words. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| I'm a suppressive person now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Or an apostate. | ||
| Jehovah's Witnesses, I was an apostate. | ||
| I'm always an apostate because a group thing. | ||
| This should be an ally special title. | ||
| Well, because, dude, I get. | ||
| That's a good title for a special. | ||
| Apostate? | ||
| Ooh, I like it, dude. | ||
| The 12 apostates. | ||
| I get fucking really upset by that group, like, don't stumble your brother. | ||
| Once the truth is just telling the truth, it's not in the interest of the group to tell the truth, that's really upsetting. | ||
| It just really gets under my fucking skin. | ||
| Well, it should. | ||
| It's like what we're talking about. | ||
| It brings back the same thing with this Jordan Peterson thing. | ||
| When they're calling him a Nazi and they're calling him a transformer. | ||
| Who is Jordan Peterson by the way? | ||
| He's a professor at the University of Toronto. | ||
| It's become very famous for battling against social justice warrior ideology online. | ||
| Specifically, them imposing in one of their bills in Canada, you have to use someone's specified gender pronouns. | ||
| And if you don't do it, it could be thought of as like a human rights violation. | ||
| Well, they have those human rights courts. | ||
| Yes, the human rights councils up there. | ||
| Oh, council. | ||
| Council, right? | ||
| It's a very different thing. | ||
| They don't have freedom of speech. | ||
| So woman who goes, free speech is kind of an American thing. | ||
| We don't really know what it is. | ||
| But we talked about it. | ||
| It is. | ||
| What if your pronoun's like faggot? | ||
| Like, do you have to say that? | ||
| Because that would also be hate speech. | ||
| It's like this weird. | ||
| So don't call me my name. | ||
| But you mean from that word, so it can't be a pronoun. | ||
| But what if that's your identity? | ||
| There's some control over what the pronouns would be. | ||
| Like, you could probably say you're a stormtrooper, right? | ||
| You could probably get crazy, but you probably can't say you're a faggot. | ||
| But what if that's your identity? | ||
| Like, who's to say what your identity is? | ||
| Well, your identity cannot be an offensive word because your identity is lashing out and hurting other people. | ||
| What if you identify as white cis male? | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I'm a white cis chicken. | ||
| By the way, I got no problem. | ||
| I'll call you whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| I got no issue with that. | ||
| It's no issue. | ||
| I'll call you, but it's about being forced, though. | ||
| No, but it's about being forced. | ||
| And he was saying he was battling against it very early on. | ||
| And almost everything he said would happen is happening now in terms of this overreaction culture. | ||
| Well, how come, by the way, how come that's, remember Jamie Kilstein had, I kept asking him about it, that white boy blues song he did on MSN? | ||
| And he goes, I don't know what cis means. | ||
| And I go, Jamie, I know you got to put everything on the white males now. | ||
| That's like the religion. | ||
| But do you honestly believe anyone outside of a young white male knows what the fuck cis means? | ||
| Like when I used to live in Washington Heights in New York, I want you to go out and talk to any Dominicans on the corner and go, do you know you're a cis male, right? | ||
| And ask them if they know what the fuck that means. | ||
| They'll stab you. | ||
| You have to be a white. | ||
| It's a super recent thing. | ||
| Yeah, like you're supposed to adopt it. | ||
| Like, okay, I'll tell you what you want, but why do you get to pick my title? | ||
| And it's also nonsense words. | ||
| It's a Marxist, that's what Marxism does. | ||
| You create power, and then you have power words. | ||
| It's compliance. | ||
| And if you agree to nonsense, that's one step closer to dominance. | ||
| That's always religion. | ||
| Everyone knows, yeah. | ||
| But it is really like a religion. | ||
| It's a consensus-based religion, which is really... | ||
| Why is it that people fall into that so easy? | ||
| Because they hate themselves. | ||
| It's a compliment. | ||
| Barry told me about that. | ||
| I didn't understand the level. | ||
| People fucking hate themselves. | ||
| That's why they're online creating these new identities and shit. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And if you don't hate yourself, They all did different things to try to ruin your life. | ||
| Like there'd be people posing, the alt-right guys like to be a fake you and then go to people that you kind of know. | ||
| Like John Daly, who I'm like, I know him, but I don't know him where it's like, and then as you say some fucked up shit, and then they think, like, that's Daley. | ||
| John Daly, the golf guy? | ||
| No, the dude from Croll's show. | ||
| He's a pretty funny dude, actually. | ||
| He's on the, he always is in shit. | ||
| John Delaney? | ||
| Daly. | ||
| Daly. | ||
| You've seen him in shit, trust me. | ||
| He's got like a square head. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But he's funny, whatever. | ||
| But they would go at him, fake me. | ||
| Oh, when Pat and Oswald's wife died, somebody as me sends him a thing with his dead wife photoshopped in the Ghostbusters poster. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| I'm like, can you do your shitty on, because they all, my whole thing was you don't know what's funny. | ||
| So don't, if I tell you, you know, it was that whole joke thief shit there. | ||
| I'm like, listen, I was there, and also I know comedy, and I know better than you jerk off at home. | ||
| So if I tell you, just think I know better. | ||
| I'll just put it that way. | ||
| Maybe that's arrogant, but I just been doing it for 20 years and you never had the balls to get on stage. | ||
| So I think I just know better. | ||
| They're outraged. | ||
| You're fighting with someone who's not even here. | ||
| No one even knows what you're fighting over right there. | ||
| You just started some joke thief fight. | ||
| No one has any idea what the fuck you're saying. | ||
| All right, guys, is when I defended Amy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Amy, and I had people like lecture, and I'm like, don't listen, don't presume to tell me shit. | ||
| But they're outraged. | ||
| But the same as the social jihadis, they all think they can. | ||
| The same reason I became a comic. | ||
| I could do that. | ||
| But at least I did it. | ||
| If you get on stage and do it, I'll give it to you. | ||
| But these people think they can do your job. | ||
| But hold on a second. | ||
| In their defense, they're looking at a film that shows time after time bits. | ||
| That Gavin made to specifically fuck her because she said, I play a racist Republican. | ||
| What? | ||
| The little YouTube video where they took movies, fucking the show, which by the way, she doesn't write the show. | ||
| It was ridiculous. | ||
| And it was exactly what the fucking SJWs did to me, where they don't like your, they think you have an agenda they got to destroy. | ||
| So they create this fucking, you know, like a smear job. | ||
| But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| There were bits that were exactly the same as the best. | ||
| You mean very mediocre bits that anyone would have thought of? | ||
| Dude, relax. | ||
| Relax. | ||
| I drank two caveman nitros and you're talking to me this way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| I knew this. | ||
| But you're drinking. | ||
| I think I'm going to run through the wall and leave a curt-shaped imprint. | ||
| You're jacked. | ||
| Because you know, It's Kool Aid. | ||
| You got to get some Kool Aid. | ||
| Caveman Nitro. | ||
| But you're arguing against someone who's not even here. | ||
| Well, I was trying to bring up why they were going at me. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| But the problem with what you're saying is they have evidence. | ||
| They're looking at one bit, and it's exactly the same as the point. | ||
| If I look at the evidence and I come to a different conclusion, let's go with my conclusion because I was there. | ||
| What about due process? | ||
| And the guys who established it. | ||
| That's not enough. | ||
| That's not enough. | ||
| That's not enough to convince someone. | ||
| Oh, just trust me. | ||
| Do you think we just have to do that? | ||
| But isn't that like some authoritative sheriff type shit? | ||
| Just trust me. | ||
| Hey, I'm not going to them to be the sheriff. | ||
| Let's go ahead and get it. | ||
| I'm not going to them. | ||
| They're coming to me. | ||
| But you're saying. | ||
| I was going to say. | ||
| Just trust me. | ||
| I'm watching this video. | ||
| I'm watching these jokes. | ||
| They're being repeated. | ||
| You're saying just trust me. | ||
| What jokes are you talking? | ||
| I'm talking about sketches people claimed were taken, which is nonsense. | ||
| I was in the room. | ||
| I was the fucking cop of the room with that shit. | ||
| Okay, but that doesn't mean anything. | ||
| No one watched Mad TV in the room. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| That doesn't mean anything. | ||
| Because the bits still got on the air. | ||
| See what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, you might not. | ||
| But it didn't happen intentionally. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| That's what you have to say. | ||
| That's not what you said. | ||
| I did say that. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| But that's not a joke fever. | ||
| But you can't say that these people don't have actual examples of the same bits over and over again. | ||
| If it's parallel thinking, that's fine. | ||
| But it has to be. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| But you didn't really. | ||
| See, the whole thing about this is the same thing. | ||
| Either now or at the time. | ||
| I'm very confused. | ||
| I'm very confused. | ||
| The whole thing from the top down. | ||
| Look, I don't give a shit about it, by the way. | ||
| But if they see the evidence, you have to be real clear. | ||
| I was non-confrontational when you're handling something like that. | ||
| Dude, I won't, first of all, number one, the larger issue is I never should be on social media talking to any of these fucks at all, explaining it. | ||
| I don't owe any of you, anybody listening, if you have a question or a judgment, I don't owe you an explanation for shit. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| I don't know where the fuck you got the idea that I do. | ||
| So I was wrong that I even fucking had an answer at all because you have people, hey, joke thief. | ||
| Really, that's the word about me that I'm a joke thief. | ||
| From some know-nothing, and they just want to see I'll talk back to them. | ||
| Most of these animals can't believe what you're speaking about. | ||
| They think that you did steal it. | ||
| And you've got to explain how this was parallel thinking. | ||
| There's going to be a bunch of people. | ||
| Many times I did. | ||
| I know, but a lot of people haven't heard it. | ||
| And you're blurting it out like that. | ||
| someone's arguing you in the room. | ||
| Oh, I'm just trying... | ||
| First of all, guys, here's one thing I want to make clear. | ||
| I am pro-rape. | ||
| Yeah, you're like a rape apologist. | ||
| I'm pro-rape. | ||
| I'm rape. | ||
| I'm only apologize for one thing, and that's rape. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, dude. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm only bringing up why I was getting shit. | ||
| I was getting shit for defending Amy from these alt-right deals. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But it's also because you're confronting them. | ||
| Like, you're confrontational. | ||
| Yeah, I like that. | ||
| So I was like Owen. | ||
| I like being online. | ||
| And also, it seemed like of no consequence to me. | ||
| I'm like, I got all this other shit going on. | ||
| I can, with one hand, sit here and answer your dumb shit. | ||
| I was like cocky. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But what I'm saying is from the perspective of someone who's a stand-up fan. | ||
| My hand is trembling from these nitros. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's got some serious shit in there. | ||
| What the fuck is in this? | ||
| 270 milligrams of caffeine. | ||
| You probably had some coffee earlier, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| See, you do Twitter like me where you think it's almost like the candy crush of words. | ||
| And then before you know it, I just pissed off Uber or some shit. | ||
| Listen, I'm speaking as a nitro caveman to you right now. | ||
| You're ready to start a small. | ||
| What I'm saying, though, is like as a person who's a fan of comedy, like, and I am a fan of comedy, when I see, like, if I was never a stand-up and I saw this all going down and I was a Kurt Metzger fan, I would want Kurt Metzger to explain to me what happened. | ||
| I would want your specific words on this because you were a writer over there. | ||
| So like as a fan, I would want to know, I think Kurt Metzger is a hilarious, creative comedian. | ||
| I want to know how this happened. | ||
| Hey, nobody said my sketches were stolen. | ||
| For you to say it defensively, to brush it off and say that you know better than you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you know what? | |
| I'll tell you why, because the way someone would come at me would be immediately like, why are you speaking to me this way? | ||
| So you're already defensive. | ||
| You're already defensive. | ||
| As soon as I have somebody coming at me a certain way, like just your natural mode. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Naturally. | ||
| Dude, I found out that that's one reason why people think I'm a psycho is because I'll react to that and no one else sees that guy. | ||
| Yeah, they don't, that's pretty much it. | ||
| But at least you're a psycho from reading your Twitter. | ||
| All they'd have to do is read your tweets. | ||
| But wait, hold on. | ||
| Because I got way off track of what I was trying to get to. | ||
| But just what you said. | ||
| That girl, so what I'm saying, hey, go, maybe go to the cops and don't on Facebook announce a rape verdict. | ||
| I'm not going to even say her name because these people benefit every time I fucking mention them. | ||
| This girl writes this idiotic blog at me. | ||
| We have a back and forth. | ||
| I mock the stupid language of her stupid. | ||
| She said, asking for any details of what happened is like re-raping the victim. | ||
| Just believe. | ||
| And I go. | ||
| So I go, that's like re-raping. | ||
| I said the word rape hole in a post, mocking her language. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| She deletes her comments, takes what I wrote, and goes to these chicks that say they're like, look what he said about you. | ||
| So yeah. | ||
| Nobody cares what anyone's saying to you. | ||
| You're the person that they've heard of. | ||
| So they only care what you say. | ||
| And there's no context. | ||
| They just go, he said raphole. | ||
| Go ask somebody what I did that's wrong. | ||
| They won't be able to tell you. | ||
| And they'll go, he said something raphole. | ||
| That's all they have. | ||
| Is that proven? | ||
| Do you have screenshots of the original tweets? | ||
| No, because then people complained. | ||
| Not only could I not, because I don't delete anything that I put up. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Facebook has removed all of that. | ||
| Facebook's removed all that because the people, I am offended, so I can't even go back and show any of it. | ||
| Facebook took it down. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| But even if she didn't take fucking shit off, it doesn't matter. | ||
| Like, nobody's reading her shit. | ||
| They don't give a fuck what she's saying. | ||
| They're like, oh, the writer for Andy Schumer show is saying it. | ||
| And that's what all these people can't believe. | ||
| It's so easy to access you and fucking have you get a reaction to them. | ||
| And they're amazed. | ||
| They can't believe it. | ||
| They're like, I can talk to the fucking man in the TV. | ||
| And they've built an industry around it. | ||
| So if you speak to them at all, you're a sucker, dude. | ||
| If you have any emotion about this, I mean, you're a fucking sucker. | ||
| Just don't get suckered. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| Same thing happened to me with the Black Panther stuff, because I was just doing the reverse of any marketing I've ever seen. | ||
| I've seen the Black Panther. | ||
| Well, Black Panther was a warful Black Panther. | ||
| Yeah, It was like, finally, a movie with black people for black people. | ||
| So I was just like, there's no white people in it, pass. | ||
| Who do I relate to? | ||
| Who said that, really? | ||
| Because I know what you're talking about. | ||
| Dude, it was all over. | ||
| That was like the whole thing. | ||
| And then a couple people, like Jeffrey Wright, the actor, and Don Cheadle, they started reacting like I was serious. | ||
| And I started being like, this is satire, man. | ||
| I'm just doing black mirrors. | ||
| Did you feel guilt? | ||
| Did you feel like a little cool that you got Don Cheadle? | ||
| Jeffrey? | ||
| Did he say something? | ||
| What did he say to you? | ||
| He was like, how do you think it feels to be? | ||
| I'm like, dude. | ||
| How do you think it feels? | ||
| What? | ||
| Finish the sentence. | ||
| Oh, sorry, man. | ||
| I'm a little jacked up, too. | ||
| His energy got me really going. | ||
| Oh, you drank two of these? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What a mistake. | ||
| They're like, how would you feel watching, you know, growing up as a black man and watching only white movies? | ||
| And I was like, dude, I had Michael Jordan on my wall. | ||
| I love Carl Malone. | ||
| You like kung fu movies, by the way? | ||
| He's still got a point. | ||
| He's still got a point. | ||
| I mean, the problem is that he didn't take it as satire. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a funny thing. | ||
| I'm not mad at him, by the way. | ||
| The problem is, but he's right too. | ||
| But the problem is you weren't being serious. | ||
| You were cracking a joke about how people are reacting to this movie, saying they love it because they're black and it's black. | ||
| Dude, I'm at the worst level of being known where I have reach, but I'm not famous enough where people are like, he's a comedian. | ||
| No, you brought that up when I got fucked. | ||
| It's like not famous enough to be like fine. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But famous enough to get fucked over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like, I'm big enough where someone wants to hunt me, but like, no one's like, oh, Owen Benjamin, the comedian. | ||
| Some of them are like, oh, he must work for a college HR department. | ||
| By the way, did you see The Black Panther? | ||
| No. | ||
| I haven't seen it yet. | ||
| You know, it's fine. | ||
| You know what I thought? | ||
| It's pretty fucking good, though. | ||
| What? | ||
| Annihilation? | ||
| I want to see that, yeah. | ||
| Dude, that's a trippy-ass movie. | ||
| Well, don't spoil it, but. | ||
| Yes, I won't, but it's from that ex-Machina guy, the guy who made ex-Claws. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't see it. | |
| I watched that. | ||
| But by the way, if this was such a racially uplifting movie, first of all, his first name wouldn't be Black, The Black Panther. | ||
| That wouldn't be. | ||
| But it's been the Black Panther forever. | ||
| Yes, it's like a fucking exploitation. | ||
| It's like saying Shaft is like Selma. | ||
| When do you think they came up with the Black Panther? | ||
|
unidentified
|
60s. | |
| In the 60s. | ||
| In the 60s, 30s. | ||
| By the way, Panthers are black already. | ||
| You don't need to specify that unless you're letting me know the guy under the suit is black. | ||
| Well, you know what it actually is? | ||
| It's a jaguar. | ||
| It's a jaguar that has spots everywhere instead of just some spots. | ||
| No, I did not know. | ||
| Some jaguars. | ||
| They're not really totally black. | ||
| Like a Black Panther's kind of, it's not like scientific nomenclature. | ||
| Like Obama. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blah! | |
| I thought it was a pushwall. | ||
| I know, they always talk about pushwalls. | ||
| You find black jaguars. | ||
| If you see the really black ones, you could still see some faint outlines of those jaguar little dots and circles. | ||
| It's kind of funny how David Attenborough does almost make it seem like Black Panthers are more hostile. | ||
| They're like, the Black Panther stalking his prey while the snow leopard is as elusive as he is graceful. | ||
| They're all jaguars. | ||
| They're all jaguars. | ||
| Yeah, I think the black ones probably evolved to be more successful hunting at night because you can't see a goddamn thing at night in the jungle. | ||
| You don't know what black is, I would imagine. | ||
| You've been in the jungle? | ||
| No, but I've been to the Pacific Northwest into those essentially rainforests up there. | ||
| There's some parts of the Pacific Northwest that are insane at night, too. | ||
| Like you can't believe how dark it gets because you don't see shit. | ||
| You just hear trees. | ||
| It's dark at noon. | ||
| When you go through the woods, it's dark. | ||
| Like you won't get a tan. | ||
| It could be fucking noon now. | ||
| It could be 85 degrees out and it's dark walking through those woods because this canopy of leaves and super dense tree growth. | ||
| Like it's dark as fuck. | ||
| And at night, you must just hear these crazy noises. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Like, elks sound intense. | ||
| They're intense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you just hear the sound of like a dude waiting for me. | ||
| What's my point about it being dark there? | ||
| I know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Port the Black Panther. | ||
| Black Panther. | ||
| So the ones most likely in the jungle, it's the same situation. | ||
| And the ones that are the darkest are the less likely to be seen and more likely to be successful. | ||
| Because they're attack ambush predators. | ||
| They sneak up on things and jack them. | ||
| And that's what they do, to deer and fucking people. | ||
| Well, that spirit is what the king of Wakanda has come into him to become the Black Panther. | ||
| I thought it was technology. | ||
| That's actually pretty cool. | ||
| The suit is, I think, one of the coolest parts of the movie because it builds up force and hits you back. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| But then his other part of his power is they have this shit they make from flowers and he lays down and they I swear to God they give him a purple drink. | ||
| He drinks a purple drink. | ||
| Oh Jesus Christ. | ||
| And that's where he gets his other powers. | ||
| Oh Jesus Christ. | ||
| Is that from the comic book too, the purple drink? | ||
| I'm like, when they make this, are they even, It's written by Jewish guys. | ||
| As long as no whites were involved. | ||
| It was an exploitation comic. | ||
| It's two old Jewish guys wrote it. | ||
| Yeah, it's from the 70s. | ||
| Like, that's when it came out. | ||
| So to put it out, like, finally, you know, that's fine. | ||
| Let's get the origins of the Black Panther comic book. | ||
| By the way, Luke Cage, that was already out, and that was a fucking awesome. | ||
| I think that was a black Superman. | ||
| If they were like, what would it get a Superman? | ||
| Almost like the old joke, but it's fucking great. | ||
| I thought Luke Cage was great. | ||
| Luke Cage gets to fuck Jessica Jones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A little interracial romance going on up in that Netflix. | ||
| He has to super fuck her because they're both super fucking each other. | ||
| They're both monsters. | ||
| She would grind your pelvis to dust. | ||
| He's fighting gentrification. | ||
| Well, she sees him beat the fuck out of some dudes in a bar and realizes that he's one of them and that she's been, she's a mutant and he's a mutant. | ||
| They get together and mutant sex and fucked up the bed. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| It's almost like when Coke had fucked the shit out of her. | ||
| Spoiler alert. | ||
| He can lay pipe the way he looks like. | ||
| He could lay pipe. | ||
| He looks like a guy who could lay pipe the way he lays pipe. | ||
| You look at him and you go, I bet that guy fucked up. | ||
| How many movies with sex scenes was there a rumor that they really were having sex on camera? | ||
| And Mickey Rourke was a big one in that movie Angel Heart. | ||
| And it's never been true one time that rumor. | ||
| It's not true at all. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Angel Heart? | ||
| That's never true. | ||
| I think of Donald Sutherland in that Killer Midget movie. | ||
| They say Mickey Rourke really banged Kim Bessinger in nine and a half weeks. | ||
| But he did. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Wasn't there? | ||
| I like to believe. | ||
| I mean, you're so anti-religion, you don't even want to believe rumors. | ||
| You don't believe rumors. | ||
| You don't want to believe rumors. | ||
| You don't even believe rumors. | ||
| I'm not buying it too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bullshit. | |
| I'm a trick one. | ||
| Jehovah's Witness. | ||
| Let me tell you this, Todd. | ||
| It's like that. | ||
| I stepped out of crack. | ||
| My mom's back was fine. | ||
| I still don't even believe it. | ||
| That was my first, by the way, my first joke ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was similar to that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And then you stole it? | ||
| Does it for me? | ||
| No, I did it for black people. | ||
| When I was 11, this guy in my block named Uncle Charlie, they used to rape me every day. | ||
| And he would go, if you ever tell anybody what I did to you, I'm going to kill your parents. | ||
| And I told everybody. | ||
| Is this your first joke? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I told everybody, and he never killed my parents. | ||
| You know, I thought we had a deal. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I said, all black. | ||
| Now, can I tell you how much all black audiences do not enjoy that joke at all from a fucking weird-looking white guy? | ||
| They're not into laughing at that. | ||
| They're different. | ||
| Namas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I will say, best thing could that was started out in those rooms because there was a crowd. | ||
| It wasn't other comics that were waiting to get on. | ||
| It was a fucking audience. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And it kind of, you couldn't be precious. | ||
| You had to fucking perform, you know? | ||
| Like, you couldn't be one of these like hang-in-the-back pockets. | ||
| Oh, dude, you can't draw back on the, you got to perform. | ||
| You got to perform. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so, and you don't have to fucking talk black or that. | ||
| You just be very confident in your own whatever, and the crowd would go with it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just be funny. | ||
| Just be funny. | ||
| If you bring a notebook, they see it as like weakness. | ||
| They're like, fucking notebook. | ||
| I see it as weakness. | ||
| To do your home. | ||
| Yeah, but there's some rooms where they're like, oh, that means it's like brand new. | ||
| His writing. | ||
| It was lunar. | ||
| He's working on shit today. | ||
| What's the worst is when someone pretends they're reading their notes and they do the same bits over and over again. | ||
| Like you can't, you just pretended. | ||
| You just looked in that book and like what else? | ||
| What else? | ||
| This one, what else? | ||
| What else? | ||
| And it was good, what else? | ||
| Someone who does that. | ||
| I'm like, I could do your act. | ||
| Well, it's just like people in the audience are like, hey, don't do that. | ||
| You know Jay, right, Big Jay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| We hear these people call them Bataya comics. | ||
| They're like, but I do this Bataya comedy. | ||
| That big pause where they're not really saying anything. | ||
| They just like spinning the wheels, trying to get some traction. | ||
| Yeah, there's some new thing that I think people have mistaken laughter for like support. | ||
| Did you say that to me? | ||
| They mistake it for applause? | ||
| They've confused laughter and applause between the same thing. | ||
| That's how you know it's an ideology versus laughter. | ||
| Like laughter is when someone relates, applause is when someone agrees. | ||
| Well, there's too many people that are trying for applause. | ||
| That's what my point is. | ||
| Like, you're supposed to... | ||
| This is only supposed to be funny. | ||
| Like, when you're just trying to, like, say a bunch of shit and memorize it and say it real fast, and then to get a big applause at the end, like, that's... | ||
| I was like, dude, I'm not trying to change policy. | ||
| I'm just trying to get a laugh. | ||
| When I was a kid, I remember Eddie Murphy. | ||
| Do you remember when Eddie Murphy was the biggest comedian in the world? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's funny when in the 80s, I remember watching Stand-Up. | ||
| It seemed more integrated or something. | ||
| In the 80s? | ||
| And I swear to God, when the evening at the improv and comic strip live were on TV, remember those being on like Friday night. | ||
| That's when I used to watch stand-up comedy when I was like 11 or 12. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then the nine, like, I remember when Def Jam came out, and I remember it was like a lot, and also racially a lot of shit seemed more segregated. | ||
| And it was like, I think the beginning of just marketing to specific, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, oh, here's an all-black show. | ||
| And they had jokes on Seinfeld about it, like that Seinfeld's market was being eaten away with Def Jam, his mother saying it to him. | ||
| And I didn't think of that, but that was the beginning. | ||
| So the internet now, it's like everybody can get just specifically, you know, I liked how it was like kind of grab bag when I'd watch stand-up. | ||
| It would be like you'd see like a ventriloquist. | ||
| You'd see like, you know, Eddie Murphy kind of person and like some fucking real dry person. | ||
| There'd be like Elliot. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| It was more mixed on its own. | ||
| And, you know, I'll tell you the solution. | ||
| I think we should do some of those like Rodney Dangerfield type specials. | ||
| Like how Rodney would do a special. | ||
| Shows I'm thinking of also. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's what we should do. | ||
| But I think because also a lot of us, you know, if you're going to put out a special, it takes you a couple fucking years or a year solid to have the material locked down and ready to rock and roll. | ||
| But if you're going to do 15 minutes. | ||
| I think year minimum, by the way. | ||
| Sometimes that's not enough. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| I've been doing a year and a half in between specials, and I think that's the right amount of time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got a nice juicy now going on my specialty. | ||
| I just did two in six months. | ||
| Listen, free is not bad either because that shit gets hammered down like a samurai. | ||
| Well, I was going to do my hour with Louie on selling on his website, and then he got fucking shit. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| My point is, like, if there's more of those 15-minute sets, like, you could come up with a 15-minute set in a couple of months. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I mean, you really could. | ||
| And it would be locked in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so if you were doing something like that, you could do that, like, get a, prepare a set over like three or four months and have, hey, you know, we're going to be filming. | ||
| We'll film some of them here. | ||
| We'll film some of them like three months later. | ||
| So you'll know, you'll have it all locked in. | ||
| You'll know when to go. | ||
| You know, I do that with White Precious. | ||
| I couldn't, I didn't have a booking agent for the road. | ||
| Like I had switched managers and the stage is like, we can't take him until he fucking does the hour. | ||
| But I'm like, I need to work the hour out. | ||
| So I had to do it in 15-minute chunks around the city and just do a lot of city spots. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Which is, I'm happy with how it came out, but I mean, it was so fucking nerve-wracking because I'm like, I know I'm not preparing this properly. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Because I have to do these 15-minute chunks of the material. | ||
| Yeah, really, why didn't you schedule yourself on the road in like small classes? | ||
| I had been writing a lot, and I just like, like I said, switch managers and I didn't have an agent of book. | ||
| And I didn't know how easy it was to like book you. | ||
| You know, at this point, once I, all these people were like, you know, I banished to Kramer Island. | ||
| I couldn't get them to do shit for me. | ||
| I found out it's actually very easy to go book yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| People actually wanted to book me. | ||
| It turns out not everybody's in this dipshit cult the way it seems when you're like online a lot. | ||
| Well, I just think if you can clearly explain yourself and you can, like, see, I used to go. | ||
| I need a chance. | ||
| Yeah, they could do it without you. | ||
| They don't need you present to fucking set you up as whatever. | ||
| I thought you could. | ||
| Oh, then they'll go, Kurt, what did you say? | ||
| They don't even bother with that. | ||
| Well, they don't care. | ||
| A lot of people just want to burn you. | ||
| The entire media is based on this conflict now. | ||
| And Patrice used to say, like, they always need us to be at war. | ||
| So they need men versus women. | ||
| They always need that going on. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| all the time. | ||
| What district are you? | ||
| Most days, you talk about the people that sell that piece of shit. | ||
| Did you watch that documentary about Gawker and Hulk Hogan? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's on Netflix. | ||
| You've got to see it because it's amazing. | ||
| It's very heavily skewed to make you feel bad for Gawker. | ||
| But it doesn't. | ||
| It actually makes you go, are you shitting me, Gawker? | ||
| It makes you feel bad for Cosby. | ||
| It's like, dude, you can't sell me that. | ||
| I feel bad for fucking Dawkins. | ||
| Why do you think it's designed to make it? | ||
| Because they're like, so Hulk Hogan, basically, because Gawker, this is how the news media, like that despicable shit they did to Louie and the New York Times, which shouldn't. | ||
| The New York Times is now a fat girl's diary, basically. | ||
| Like, they never should have been allowed. | ||
| My girlfriend made that up. | ||
| I didn't make that up. | ||
| That's very funny. | ||
| And he said, that's funny. | ||
| And he's very funny. | ||
| But that's what it is. | ||
| And nonsense? | ||
| I mean, like, dude, if you read the article, there's no crime. | ||
| People just make up what, like, what did Louis do? | ||
| I used to ask, like, when that shit happened to him, I go, what did Louis do wrong? | ||
| And they go, well, one time at work, my boss grabbed my tit. | ||
| I have my ex-girlfriend says to me, I'm like, I'm sorry, I asked you what Louis did. | ||
| It's not about that. | ||
| We're going to use him as a fucking symbol. | ||
| Because what did he do wrong? | ||
| Ask for consent for non-contact. | ||
| Like, what are you talking about? | ||
| Like, why would that have to come out? | ||
| And why would that be anybody's business? | ||
| It's to make him look like he's a Weinstein for comedy. | ||
| Like Harvey Weinstein, right? | ||
| And by the way, Harvey Weinstein, that's the old casting couch, which I'm like, good, get rid of that shit. | ||
| But they try to paint Louis up, a stand-up comic, as if he's a producer-director. | ||
| Like, it is a conflict of interest. | ||
| If you have a producer, come to my room. | ||
| They're like, hey, but another comedian at a festival, it's reasonable to think you might be fucking because you're not on a different, at the power level, we're comedians. | ||
| We don't work for a corporation together. | ||
| Okay, we're each an independent company, and the companies can fuck with each other also. | ||
| So do you think that what it was is just a weird thing that he liked to do and what they made it out to be is like a surprise. | ||
| They made it look like he's a fucking predator and there was no such anything. | ||
| He never surprised people, jerking off. | ||
| Now, I'm going off what Louie told me. | ||
| And by the way, I believe Louie, by the way. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You're supposed to believe women. | ||
| There's a whole new thing. | ||
| What kind of an imbecile? | ||
| Tommy, too? | ||
| I mean, first of all, there's no woman on this earth who's stupid enough to just believe women. | ||
| Like, women know way better. | ||
| So I'm just, what imbecile? | ||
|
unidentified
|
People. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Who's like, oh, I just, the fact that you're a woman is not exhibit A. But you do have to say, it's not evidence. | ||
| But you do have to admit it's kind of weird to just do like an impromptu whack off sesh. | ||
| Yeah, it is weird. | ||
| Unless like, you know, let's say you were talking about sex shit back and forth. | ||
| It's not so like Weinstein, but it's just like you start whacking. | ||
| That's a point that you told me. | ||
| That's a point that you told me. | ||
| Tell me. | ||
| To the Elias of Omission. | ||
| First of all, just, well, I'll just go off the article because I don't know what trouble I'll get in saying what I'm saying. | ||
| Don't say anybody's name. | ||
| But just read, listen, just read the fucking article, okay? | ||
| There's nowhere where it says, then he suppressed, it says, hey, will you watch me masturbate? | ||
| Somebody said no. | ||
| You didn't masturbate. | ||
| They went and said something reported or whatever, supposedly. | ||
| And by the way, the story of that that I know more about, it's despicable how they frame that. | ||
| The guitar comic thing, absolutely despicable how they frame that. | ||
| What's the guitar comic? | ||
| That's so off. | ||
| Did anybody read the article? | ||
| Nobody did, right? | ||
| Nobody reads the article. | ||
| I don't read the near attention. | ||
| I just read the headline. | ||
| I don't think I read it. | ||
| Of course not. | ||
| He literally did nothing. | ||
| If you read, never mind what I would know personally, just read the article. | ||
| Nobody bothered to. | ||
| So all this nonsense that everybody put out of him surprise whacking off, that's not even in there, okay? | ||
| Like, the first one is the guitar duo that people thought were Garfunkel and Oates because all these young kids can't imagine anything happening before. | ||
| Who? | ||
| The guitar duo that Louis supposedly jerked off. | ||
| You don't remember this? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's why they're the guitar duo that Louie jerked off in front of? | ||
| The New York Times audience. | ||
| See, dude, I saw some of the headlines and saw some people commenting online. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| Just let me ask. | ||
| What do you guys think Louis did that he got in trouble for? | ||
| He asked someone to masturbate if he could masturbate in front of them and then did it. | ||
| They said yes, and he did it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Essentially. | ||
| And then asked it to people who said no, and they felt very uncomfortable and they had to work with him. | ||
| That is the sexual harassment aspect of it. | ||
| That's the difference. | ||
| Like if you're on a TV set. | ||
| That's the only one that I went, I read and went, wow, that's crazy. | ||
| But you were telling me something. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| He could say what he wants. | ||
| You don't want to explain what you want. | ||
| I'm not going to take shit. | ||
| So he told me in confidence. | ||
| No need to. | ||
| No need to. | ||
| But I'll just say to the story. | ||
| Yeah, but there's a flat-out agenda here. | ||
| What's the agenda? | ||
| To ruin a guy who, I know it doesn't help his case. | ||
| People don't even know the ruins of Mexico. | ||
| This is like the Taliban, this shit now. | ||
| Like, they have to erase. | ||
| I bet New York. | ||
| New he's a fucking Buddhist statue that has to be exploded. | ||
| Do you understand? | ||
| We now have to take all these unfunny people, okay, for political reasons, and you can't have evidence of someone being funny that fits in the wrong group. | ||
| That's the Stalin can't have that. | ||
| There's no Stalin channel. | ||
| So they gotta kill his fucking leg. | ||
| See, patriarchy is like every man that ever achieved anything. | ||
| They gotta remove it. | ||
| So we're gonna throw Louie away. | ||
| Louis CK. | ||
| We're gonna throw him away with Harvey fucking Weinstein as if that's remotely the same. | ||
| I'm sending you right now, Jamie. | ||
| You gotta put this shit up. | ||
| You're gonna cry. | ||
| Yeah, no, you're right in some ways that there's a Taliban going on. | ||
| But if a guy like Harvey Weinstein existed, you know, there was a real fucking problem for a lot of people. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| In fact, Hollywood's fucking despicable. | ||
| Both things. | ||
| What you're saying is true, and that's true. | ||
| But the idea that another comedian, because back when this happened at Aspen, Louis was not a fucking, he was a comedian who was a few more years ahead than these two girls that were also comedians. | ||
| I've been at festivals and had sex with comedians. | ||
| This is outrageous. | ||
| Yeah, but have you not broadcast on the internet? | ||
| Or fucked even industry and shit at a festival in a girl protesting. | ||
| I'm all these girls attractive and you were attracted to them and you guys had consensual sex? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Yeah, rape. | ||
| What in the fuck, dude? | ||
| Or as it's known now, rape. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| 88% of white wealth is due to that. | ||
| To get a t-shirt on. | ||
| I hope that that's not really his shirt. | ||
| I hope somebody thinks he's a fucker and they Photoshop that shit on his shirt. | ||
| Maybe that's like a shit. | ||
| But do you see how fucking despicable? | ||
| Because first of all, what does that have to do with me at all? | ||
| Let's say if I earned something and 80%, I'm not in that. | ||
| When you throw those numbers up, I want to see studies. | ||
| I want to see 88%. | ||
| Well, that's a very specific number. | ||
| Do you not notice the fucking shit that this is a white, this is how you know this is a white, young white woman-led fucking movement, the social jihadis. | ||
| They're just fighting for the right to do to white men what they've always done to black men. | ||
| Which is like, he scared me, I want him fired. | ||
| Well, it's also. | ||
| They're not just screw uping all the men. | ||
| So congratulations. | ||
| You get to be like an N-word now. | ||
| Well, it's also toxic femininity, where it's like a lot of women's instincts are based around keeping a toddler away from like light sockets. | ||
| So it's like whatever they do, it's all good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| But don't you feel an instinct to do that too as a man? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| I feel like I would keep a toddler away from a light socket. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Women are more designed in general to take care of very young children and men are more like seven onward where it's like, if you fall down, you hurt yourself and you learn your lesson. | ||
| Now get out there. | ||
| What is the design that makes them do that? | ||
| What? | ||
| You mean ergonomically designed? | ||
| No, emotionally wired to do that. | ||
| Once my wife first had a baby, I really was like, oh, this makes perfect sense. | ||
| That's why they have breasts. | ||
| Yeah, feed a baby. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, well, I don't think that's... | |
| It's kind of like a lot of this SJW mentality is that safe space. | ||
| Like if there's a group of people, there's nothing they could possibly have done wrong. | ||
| Like protect at all costs. | ||
| I see what you're saying. | ||
| It's almost maternal. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like how tactical. | ||
| They're not maternal. | ||
| I mean, like, this is the thing that makes me laugh. | ||
| Yeah, that's the point I was making. | ||
| You want a mother society, but you killed your babies, didn't you? | ||
| It's an edifice. | ||
| It's Oedipus. | ||
| Mothering jobs. | ||
| So maybe you shouldn't, so you don't abort us. | ||
| Well, maybe they didn't kill their babies. | ||
| Like, you throw in the ones that got abortions in, and they're all contaminated. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm talking about these things. | |
| They talk about the clergy. | ||
| Yeah, let me be specific. | ||
| The online feminist clergy. | ||
| Do you have to have an abortion to get in a club? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You do. | |
| That's what we got. | ||
| You have to show your receipt. | ||
| Dude, it's a hunch card. | ||
| Lena Dunham is the classic, because I feel bad for her. | ||
| It's like, she's like, I just want to be good in my church. | ||
| The guy who worked for me didn't commit rape. | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| He did. | ||
| Dude, this is communism. | ||
| This isn't harmless. | ||
| The bodies stack. | ||
| Like, the number one death of the 20th century was your own government. | ||
| My own. | ||
| Wait, wait. | ||
| Who are you talking to? | ||
| Me? | ||
| Who's me? | ||
| People is in us, like humankind. | ||
| Your own government is the. | ||
| Yeah, 60 million Russians, 60 million Chinese, and you got Hitler. | ||
| Dude, I'm so high. | ||
| Are we in Russia? | ||
| What do you mean by that? | ||
| Who are you talking? | ||
| When you say your own government. | ||
| Like, equity, inclusivity, all that stuff, it all leads to like the way to make a forest equal is with an axe. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And the tallest nail gets hammered down. | ||
| Like, these are all, and we're starting to enter like upside down world. | ||
| And the right-wing tyranny is more sexy. | ||
| That's why you hear about Hitler because he's an evil guy, but at least he had like great boots and shit. | ||
| But like Stalin is a bean counter. | ||
| That's why he has way bigger death count. | ||
| We never hear about it because he's just like, let them starve. | ||
| I thought Stalin, what I always read about Stalin was he was kind of like a meathead and Lenin was like the intellectual. | ||
| And Stalin was like the muscle that kind of crept up, but he was just like a fucking, you know, am I wrong in that? | ||
| That's what I know of Stalin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Lenin was a little bit of both. | |
| He was an ideologue. | ||
| Did you read the shit of the classified from Russia that stuff Stalin had them working on? | ||
| No. | ||
| He wanted to make these guerrilla human hybrid soldiers. | ||
| Oh, I did read that. | ||
| This is when they couldn't say no to Stalin, like the later years, where whatever he said, you're like, okay, Stalin. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| He goes, make guerrilla soldiers that don't have to eat very much. | ||
| And they're like, well, guerrillas actually eat all day. | ||
| It might not be. | ||
| But do it. | ||
| Yeah, if you stop guerrilla soldiers that don't eat very much. | ||
| Half-man, half-gorrilla soldiers so that they wouldn't have to eat a lot. | ||
| I mean, it's crazy to shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Well, if you stopped clapping first, he killed you. | ||
| And there was this one time where there's nine straight minutes of everyone clapping. | ||
| And like, cause the people knew that the first one to stop is going to die. | ||
| And someone finally passed out and they killed him. | ||
| Yeah, because that's how far compliance goes. | ||
| It's just, they keep getting you to comply, comply, comply. | ||
| And that's the question I want to know about guns and abortion. | ||
| It's like, where's the line? | ||
| Because if you can't determine it, someone's going to look for it. | ||
| When, like you were saying, like, when do you think it's okay or not okay to have an abortion? | ||
| Roll V. Wade is a good fucking comic system. | ||
| So you think one day guns, too, like that on both sides. | ||
| There's an unreasonable argument on both sides. | ||
| They're not willing to give it up at all, right? | ||
| On both sides. | ||
| You know what's funny, man? | ||
| Because like I said, I don't care about all you kids. | ||
| However, I don't get why Such an aggressive opening statement. | ||
| Like, they're like, I'm very sorry. | ||
| There's absolutely nothing that can be done. | ||
| But if you're a gun lover or just shooter or know anything about guns and someone says AR-15 and they don't realize an A-10 is the same gun except with bigger bullets or an SKS or that automatic guns are already illegal and they want to like ban something they don't understand, like there is no such thing as an assault rifle. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Well, you call it an assault rifle. | ||
| Wait, what sign are you coming down? | ||
| That's all the noise you're making with your mouth. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| The point is there's guns that you can shoot a bunch of people real easy with. | ||
| Yeah, but like what I'm saying is assault AR-50. | ||
| They know what's going on. | ||
| There's a gun. | ||
| It's killing people. | ||
| Like all this other stuff is nonsense. | ||
| And people get lost up in the minutiae of it. | ||
| Like, you know, they don't know the right names. | ||
| What's a bump stock? | ||
| Dude, do you think, like, I was in South Dakota not long ago, and the dude I was hanging out with was like a doomsday prepper, right? | ||
| He's a guy that worked at a club. | ||
| But he's like a nice guy. | ||
| Is his name canned peaches? | ||
| That's so corny. | ||
| He's like, don't call me that, guys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have so many canned peaches. | |
| How many cans are you going to need? | ||
|
unidentified
|
40 years worth. | |
| This shit doesn't go bad, bro. | ||
| It's good food. | ||
| Peaches are good when there's an apocalypse. | ||
| Fucking canned peaches, like in someone's basement. | ||
| How long does that shit last? | ||
| A while. | ||
| Like years. | ||
| Does it last years? | ||
| Yeah, they're designed for like the apocalypse. | ||
| There's like 50 shits. | ||
| That's what they all do. | ||
| They canned. | ||
| This guy's so strong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, because he was doing it for Jesus' reasons. | |
| This guy, I swear to God told me he's a Christian, but he's not a good Christian. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| What did he do wrong? | ||
| I didn't pry, but he's not going up in the first pickup. | ||
| Oh, he'll have to second round. | ||
| Well, the good thing about the Christians is You could always, even on the fucking buzzer, on the buzzer, accept Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Not during the Great Tribulation that he was planning to live through, which was what the stockpiles were for. | ||
| He was going to have to live through that and then get caught up in the second pickup. | ||
| He won't be the disappearing out of his clothes guy. | ||
| The problem with where both of us live, you and I, is if the shit does hit the fan, we're kind of fucked. | ||
| There's too many people. | ||
| Too many people in Manhattan, too many people out here. | ||
| It ain't good. | ||
| This is no bueno. | ||
| You really want to be like, I mean, I did carry that with my family. | ||
| Not in the winter, but yeah. | ||
| Yeah, but in the winter. | ||
| Look, if you don't have laws, you're going to go out and you could whack 30 fucking deer and stack those fuckers up in your garage. | ||
| Like, there's deer all over the place up there. | ||
| You are going to have to get it. | ||
| You just hunt them freshwater. | ||
| You're going to hunt them with your car, not even wanting to. | ||
| Because it got so high. | ||
| It got so cotchy. | ||
| Well, in some places, they allow you to pick that deer up and take it home and eat it. | ||
| Like after you hit it with your car. | ||
| They should, for sure. | ||
| But the thing is that they were saying, like, what if people were targeting the deer? | ||
| Like, you know how much it costs the damage that a deer does to your fucking car? | ||
| Like, they destroy your car. | ||
| Thousands of dollars of damage. | ||
| Who the fuck is going to do that? | ||
| And that's a lot of driving. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For a deer that you could buy a tag for for like 50 bucks. | ||
| And kill with like a knife. | ||
| Like deer in my yard would literally just be eating my flowers and just look at me like, bitch, you know this is the village. | ||
| And I'm like, dude, when I lived in Boulder, when you get out in the town of Boulder, you'll see a fucking giant mule deer sitting on the side of the road eating. | ||
| Big ass buck, giant antlers, just sitting there. | ||
| And you can get out of the car and go, motherfucker, are you for real? | ||
| And this thing will just be looking at you, just eating. | ||
| They're so convinced that no one's going to eat them. | ||
| They just wander through the city. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| I was just in Denver. | ||
| Buller's about an hour outside. | ||
| Maybe less. | ||
| Maybe a little less than an hour. | ||
| It's a cool little mountain community. | ||
| Very, very quiet. | ||
| I love it up there. | ||
| The chickens are the best, though. | ||
| They just give you an egg a day. | ||
| I'll tell you what's hilarious. | ||
| I had not seen the guy with the Oakleys on top of his fucking sun vibe. | ||
| The homeless white kids with the dog and shit. | ||
| I haven't seen it in a while. | ||
| That is some juicy dirt bag in Denver? | ||
| No, outside. | ||
| It's like the mountain. | ||
| I was under the mountain, like a South Park town. | ||
| Yeah, that's where Evergreen is. | ||
| Evergreen is where they grew up. | ||
| Trey and Matt Parker grew up in Evergreen. | ||
| Evergreen's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Just like outside of Denver, like just outside. | ||
| Evergreen has a population of elk that's 100 strong that walk through the middle of the fucking city. | ||
| A buddy of mine lives there, my friend Brian Caul. | ||
| He put a bunch of videos on his Instagram. | ||
| His Instagram is the Gritty Bowman, or it might be Gritty Bowman. | ||
| He's got a podcast called Gritty. | ||
| Dude, when you see those things in person, even like a horse. | ||
| I don't know the last time you saw like a live horse, but like they look like a fucking dinosaur to you if you've been in the city long enough. | ||
| You're like, I can't believe there's a giant fucking animal looking at me. | ||
| I mean, that's. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| That looks prehistoric. | ||
| Yeah, those are elk. | ||
| That's gritty. | ||
| I don't know who that gentleman is, but that's one of his buddies that got one of those. | ||
| But he's got some videos on his Instagram somewhere of his town. | ||
| He lives in Evergreen, I believe. | ||
| And these gigantic fucking deer just walking through his yard. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| By the way, what are the odds on his Facebook? | ||
| It says his two loves are bow hunting and Barack Obama. | ||
| What are the odds? | ||
| A thousand percent. | ||
| Does horn size have to do with hammer size? | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| Like they just have hammers on them. | ||
| The bigger the elk, the bigger the antlers, the older, if they keep it. | ||
| Like, she's trying to get rid of it. | ||
| This is in her yard. | ||
| They just wander into people's yards. | ||
| And that's a female, but that's probably a 300-pound animal. | ||
| It's a big ass fucking animal. | ||
| You know, man, I'm a little, because I love shooting, but I'm like, I think I'd be a little queasy. | ||
| I just don't want to clean my hunt. | ||
| Like, that's what I want to hunt. | ||
| You get used to it. | ||
| It's not a good thing. | ||
| Yeah, but even fishing I never did. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a different thing than fishing. | ||
| It's way more intimate. | ||
| Yeah, fishing, like, I don't feel any remorse. | ||
| Oh, always. | ||
| It's way more intimate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Always. | |
| You're blooded now. | ||
| I don't feel any remorse when I kill a fish. | ||
| Hey, where, by the way, did the Donner Party die in Colorado? | ||
| Nevada. | ||
| They were Nevada, not Colorado. | ||
| No, they were in, wasn't it, the Sierra Nevadas? | ||
| Is that where they died? | ||
| Because I drove through there on the way back. | ||
| I just remember. | ||
| I think it was Nevada. | ||
| You know the Donner Party? | ||
| Yeah, how long before you eat a guy? | ||
| Me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| None. | ||
| I mean, I'm not doing this. | ||
| No chance. | ||
| Look, what kind of fucking life is this going to be? | ||
| Am I getting this story? | ||
| He's already dead though. | ||
| He's already dead. | ||
| Hold on, am I getting a story wrong? | ||
| They got trapped in the snow and they had to eat each other out. | ||
| They had to eat each other out all winter. | ||
| They had to come in each other's mouths. | ||
| They've just eaten each other's dicks. | ||
| Isn't true? | ||
| This is where father and son, mother and daughter, eating each other out. | ||
| Just print it online and it'll be so. | ||
| It was a tragedy. | ||
| And any correction of it will be ignored. | ||
| They ate each other out for months. | ||
| The entire winter months. | ||
| He's an eat out apology. | ||
| They just had a standing 69, constant. | ||
| Just they rotated each other. | ||
| The bush size back then to eat through. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| They must have had huge bushes. | ||
| It was a cold winter. | ||
| Chaos. | ||
| There's some dicks that wouldn't make it through that bush. | ||
| Yeah, probably a lot of them. | ||
| Just like you could have a four or five inch bush. | ||
| Especially like super hairy turkeys. | ||
| I've never seen measuring the bush. | ||
| Like, I got a five-inch bush. | ||
| It's like turkeys. | ||
| Turkeys have beards. | ||
| They have these long-ass beards. | ||
| And the longer the beard, like the more desirable the turkey is. | ||
| Is that really? | ||
| Yeah, it's like a turkey. | ||
| Oh, that picking balls on their nose is a beard? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Down here, it grows like right off of their neck area, like where the neck hits the chest. | ||
| It's this long thing that's called a turkey beard. | ||
| Yeah, they're like dinosaurs. | ||
| I feel like there's like a whole cock and balls on their nose. | ||
| No, that's like they got all that stuff, but I forget what that red shit's called. | ||
| It looks like a disease. | ||
| It's all fucked up, too. | ||
| Yeah, what is that shit? | ||
| The red stuff. | ||
| It's like gristle or grumpy. | ||
| Yeah, like when you see a rooster, like a rooster's, what do you call the fucking red thing? | ||
| You never know, man. | ||
| I have no idea what to call the red thing. | ||
| I have no reason to know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But turkeys will fuck you up, too. | ||
| They'll fuck you up. | ||
| I do turkeys. | ||
| You gotta do a joke about that. | ||
| And it sounds like I have this personal issue with turkeys because I saw a PBS thing about turkeys. | ||
| They will never be a friend, a turkey. | ||
| Did you see where the guy lived with turkeys? | ||
| No. | ||
| He fucking My Life is a Turkey. | ||
| If you can find it, it's fucking up. | ||
| Did he identify as a turkey? | ||
| Is that what was going on? | ||
| He was with them from when they hatched. | ||
| They would follow him around. | ||
| The second they hit puberty, they turn into prehistoric dinosaur vicious fucking, they're gone. | ||
| Except his favorite stayed with him. | ||
| Turkey Boy, his favorite turkey. | ||
| Stayed with him. | ||
| Yeah, and then one day they're by a log. | ||
| And this is what's amazing. | ||
| You should watch this as soon as possible. | ||
| I hope I'm not remembering this wrong height, but I swear to God. | ||
| So Turkey Boy one day just fucking turned on him and attacked him and went for his eyes. | ||
| They go for your eyes. | ||
| His favorite turkey, Turkey Boy, who was like, I thought that was going to be it. | ||
| And Turkey Boy wouldn't know. | ||
| He went for his eyes. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And they show a reenactment with another, like, it's like an actor turkey. | ||
| I don't know how they did it. | ||
| Is it in the union? | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| I bet they did it because turkeys just go for your fucking eyes. | ||
| Yeah, you don't need a lot of training. | ||
| And they probably knew. | ||
| My life is a turkey. | ||
| But my joke is, like, because you know how big a live turkey is? | ||
| They're huge. | ||
| They're the size of Cat Williams. | ||
| And it's like, and his buddies probably didn't get, like, very. | ||
| Stupid joke. | ||
| They probably weren't too compassionate when they're like, why did he turn on me? | ||
| Like, I shouldn't have trusted turkey. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, it's a fucking turkey, man. | ||
| Well, you think about a chicken. | ||
| Chickens are ruthless. | ||
| And then now think about a turkey. | ||
| Turkeys are giant chickens. | ||
| That's what they are. | ||
| They haven't been bred at all. | ||
| They're like in the trees. | ||
| Where my grandfather lived in Thanota, Sassau, Florida, before he died, there was all these feral cats and chickens on their property. | ||
| And he'd feed them. | ||
| He'd put this big feeder out. | ||
| It was amazing how they formed a little society. | ||
| Because it would be kitten. | ||
| It would be cat, chicken, cat. | ||
| They didn't have any interaction. | ||
| They just all came and ate the food. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you're watching. | ||
| That's just crazy. | ||
| And they weren't like-It's amazing that the cats didn't kill the little chickens. | ||
| Not even at all a little bit. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| There was just plenty of food. | ||
| That's super rare that a feral cat can keep it together like that. | ||
| I would have never thought that until I was watching them do it. | ||
| It was adorable. | ||
| You ever see the numbers-It looked like a Disney movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You ever see the numbers of birds that feral cats kill in America every year? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's in the billions. | ||
| Do we need them to do it? | ||
| The bee. | ||
| No. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| You know, when you think about it, we probably do. | ||
| Because in Israel, they're like rats. | ||
| My ex-Israeli, she told me they're like cats or not. | ||
| Same with Egypt. | ||
| I lost a chicken to a coyote last night. | ||
| I had to finish the chicken off with my hands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have chickens? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| We had a coyote in the yard. | ||
| Caught it in the yard while the chickens were out. | ||
| What do you-Jumped up on the top of the chicken coop and jumped over. | ||
| And it chased a couple of them and bit one of them. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And knocked some feathers loose. | ||
| But one of them, it actually got and killed. | ||
| It's wild there's coyotes here. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| It's a crazy thing to be around, man. | ||
| To watch that thing-They're in New York, too, by the way. | ||
| Watch that thing jump to the roof of this chicken coop like it was nothing. | ||
| I'm talking about a six-foot jump. | ||
| And it's so elegant. | ||
| It's kind of beautiful. | ||
| And watch the way they did it. | ||
| It was a bummer that it killed a chicken. | ||
| And I had to scare it off. | ||
| And now we know that they're targeting the chickens. | ||
| Because it's happened more than once. | ||
| Last time it happened was like two years ago, though. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They'll keep coming back. | ||
| They'll come back. | ||
| I lost all ten. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They know where the chickens are. | |
| I lost all ten once. | ||
| To coyotes? | ||
| A fisher cat and a raccoon, I believe. | ||
| So you guys are both chicken farmers? | ||
| Is that what I'm understanding? | ||
| Dude, you get an egg a day per hen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not always, but close. | ||
| In the winter, someone's holding out. | ||
| One of these bitches are holding out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll bet. | |
| Do you ever cut them open to get all the eggs at once? | ||
| That's what I would do. | ||
| Jesus Christ, bro. | ||
| Dude, we could have 20 eggs right now if I cut this chicken open. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Fuck this chicken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't feel bad about killing chickens. | ||
| It's like fish. | ||
| I don't kill them, but they're pets to me. | ||
| I don't eat them. | ||
| They're my pets that give me-Yeah, as pets, they're kind of smart, aren't they? | ||
| Well, for me, it was the roosters. | ||
| There's four. | ||
| They follow me around. | ||
| I got videos of them following me around because I give them treats. | ||
| So I walk around the backyard and it's like I'm the fucking Pied Piper of chickens. | ||
| It's kind of hilarious. | ||
| Do you have roosters, though? | ||
| I'm going to see of me carrying my daughter's bunny walking and all these chicks are following me. | ||
| I'm like a mini Beastmaster. | ||
| Like a way gayer Beastmaster. | ||
| Are you going to get a ferret? | ||
| That's what they don't tell you in Beastmaster. | ||
| How bad his house smells? | ||
| Beastmaster on the Bravo channel. | ||
| When you feed them, especially when I give them these little worm treats, these dried meal worms, they fucking love these things. | ||
| They go crazy for them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| That's how I get them back into their chicken coop. | ||
| They have a pretty big chicken coop, but when they wander the yard and I want to get them back, I take their worms and shake them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They come running to me. | ||
| It's adorable. | ||
| And then I give them a little treat every time so that they know that every time I shakey, shakey, shakey, it's time for a treat. | ||
| And they're so carnivorous. | ||
| You've never seen something attack worms with the kind of passion and vigor that the chickens do. | ||
| They just go. | ||
| No, I've seen it. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| Dude, they'll eat chickens. | ||
| They're dinosaurs. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They eat little chickens. | ||
| If you see... | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Oh, the fighting roosters. | ||
| I went to Hawaii, by the way. | ||
| Well, roosters are way different than hens. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| They'll rape the shit out of anybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they also just... | ||
| I mean, they're fucking crazy. | ||
| I thought we were about to say the same thing. | ||
| I'm like, oh, you have a different point than me. | ||
| But in Hawaii, there had been a hurricane and these people had chickens like that that I got. | ||
| So on the street corners, it made me laugh. | ||
| It would look like a pimp. | ||
| It'd be like one rooster and then a bunch of hens behind him. | ||
| And he would just like... | ||
| He's got earners? | ||
| ...prow the corner. | ||
| And he was a wild chicken? | ||
| He's in Kauai. | ||
| Every corner, I just see roosters like... | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Wild chickens. | ||
| But I keep fucking forgetting why I brought this up. | ||
| Maybe because I've been swimming... | ||
| You're talking about roosters in Hawaii. | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| Rapey roosters. | ||
| Birds being killers. | ||
| A billion birds. | ||
| You know, cockfights, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Cockfights. | ||
| Because, you know, it's like when they go to rescue the fighting roosters, I didn't know they'd just kill them. | ||
| Because that's all they want to do is fight. | ||
| So they just fucking... | ||
| If they bust one of those rings up, they just put the... | ||
| Like, just let them fucking fight if that's what they're into, you know? | ||
| This doesn't seem like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's not like a grandma. | ||
| It's like they get them adopted or something. | ||
| They just fucking put them down. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| They were bred for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's championship bloodlines. | ||
| Like, there's a reason why these things do it. | ||
| What is it saying? | ||
| If that's what they exist to do, then I would say let them do it. | ||
| But it's not like a... | ||
| They're showing us wild chickens in Walmart in one of these fucking shopping cart return bar things. | ||
| And they're covered with chickens. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| It's in Hawaii. | ||
| Yeah, in Kauai. | ||
| That's nuts, man. | ||
| There's wild chickens. | ||
| Now, what's the word on killing those? | ||
| Can you... | ||
| If you want some chicken soup and you don't have a lot of money, are you allowed to just whack one of those? | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Look at all of them. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They don't have any predators. | ||
| See, Hawaii is a really bananas place when it comes to wildlife. | ||
| Because they introduce a bunch of things. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know those noni birds? | |
| They used to have these birds called noni birds. | ||
| And they were so docile. | ||
| The natives would just pick them up and crack them and eat them. | ||
| It's like dodo birds were like that, too. | ||
| And they just ate them extinct because these birds had no fear. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, they brought a bunch of shit over there, but they didn't bring predators for it. | ||
| So they have these wild pigs that are just running around everywhere. | ||
| They have to hunt them down. | ||
| But pigs are very... | ||
| Because aren't pigs like... | ||
| in south america that was not not just disease but the conquistadors brought pigs that fucked up the the crops the natives had everything else fucks everything up pigs turn you know you guys watch all that pig shit right they turn wild and get tusks and hair what do you mean you guys are gonna watch what jamie pulled up here the last major contributor to the kawaii chicken population is always a shocker even to people who have lived here all their lives kawaii's wild jungle fowl is protected under state law, | ||
| like all birds of Hawaii, the MOA is protected as an important part of nature. | ||
| Oh, God, that's a terrible idea because that means nothing's going to eat them. | ||
| So, if nothing's going to eat them, they don't have any predators. | ||
| That means they're going to get disease. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| You can have abortions up until 40 weeks out there, too, but you can't touch the chickens. | ||
| If you have food for them, they're just going to keep breeding. | ||
| The real question is, do you have food for them? | ||
| Because if there's just a law of nature, if there's no predators, their population is going to mess up. | ||
| And you have been out of Kawaii. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Did you go to Secret Beach that no one's supposed to know about, but it's on every map? | ||
| I've never done that. | ||
| Oh, wait a minute. | ||
| I've been to Oahu is Hawaii. | ||
| That's like Kauai. | ||
| Kauai is where I went and did that Nepali Coast tour that Marin told me he did it, but he took a helicopter. | ||
| But I did on a ramp. | ||
| I did stand up in Kauai? | ||
| No, my cousin got married. | ||
| She lived in Auckland. | ||
| It's like impossible to do stand-up in Hawaii. | ||
| It's like rich kids. | ||
| If you're like a rich kid that drops out, you do it in Hawaii. | ||
| Let's say you're from here and you're some rich kid or someone to Williamsburg or whatever. | ||
| That's Hawaii. | ||
| Because you've got to be rich. | ||
| The houses, I guess, it's expensive because the upkeep, because the houses degrade slowly. | ||
| A lot of white people live in there or what? | ||
| A lot of cultural appropriation? | ||
| Yeah, South Park had a funny thing about it. | ||
| But look, if you go there, you rent a house, don't go to a resort. | ||
| But also, like, the natives kind of, and it is the only place I ever go where I'm like, you know, I feel like a white guilt. | ||
| Like, Alaska, I was like, there's no way this was better before we got here. | ||
| But Hawaii, I felt like, oh, I hope we didn't fuck this up, you know, because it was, I mean, I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I found out later, because Jehovah's Witness publications have like these paradise, you know, would you like to live in a place like this? | ||
| And I found out later they were based on Hawaii, where I went, because I got there at night, and so I didn't know what it looked like. | ||
| And I woke up in the morning, and it looked like the shit that I was told, like, after I'm again, God will make the earth. | ||
| So I'm like, what? | ||
| It looked like fucking Jurassic Park. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Like, these birds flying and we were like on a cliff. | ||
| It was crazy, dude. | ||
| It's so pretty. | ||
| I've used all the waterfalls are, like in Maui. | ||
| It's up to you. | ||
| You took these helicopter through it. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| And can I tell you something? | ||
| Five days is plenty. | ||
| I was doing it two extra days. | ||
| I'm like, listen, I have plans in life. | ||
| Like, as soon as I'm dead, I'll come live here. | ||
| There's no, but that's where you go if you're like, oh, I'm going to drop out of society. | ||
| Yeah, there's no time to do it. | ||
| I used to live in Key West playing piano for tips. | ||
| And I literally was like, I got, it was like the island of Pinocchio. | ||
| You know, I'm like, if I don't leave now, this is Hotel California for me, baby. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| I was like 23 just playing piano for tips, and it was just everything was going so it was the same day every day. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| Drunk cigarette breath. | ||
| Just like, I'm here to escape my life. | ||
| 42 years old, still kind of hot. | ||
| It was too humid. | ||
| Like, it was a lot of movement. | ||
| Too humid. | ||
| That's true, right? | ||
| Too much humidity. | ||
| The skin hangs in real good. | ||
| You see a lot of really hot 50-year-olds in Florida. | ||
| They got that moisture. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Yeah, you got to moisturize. | ||
| Moisture. | ||
| Yeah, because dryness does fuck up your skin. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| The sun. | ||
| Hawaii seemed different too, like less awful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's beautiful. | |
| Yeah, like where I live is so dry. | ||
| Like, I'm 21 years old right now. | ||
| I'm aging really fast. | ||
| Hawaii is one of those places where you're like, wow, how is this America? | ||
| We flew five hours across the ocean to get here. | ||
| This is America. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| It's just that, dude, if you live there, I think if you just, if I had lived there, it would eventually become a kind of beautiful hell, and my only joy would be showing visitors around and crystal meth. | ||
| What if I offered you, what if somebody offered you a residency at like the four seasons in Maui and it was serious cash? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Kurt Metzger doing stand-up every weekend. | ||
| People come down there. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Let's do a three-year contract, Kurt. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Three years, okay. | ||
| Yeah, you would do like basically what some serious cheddar. | ||
| For three years? | ||
| Yeah, for three years. | ||
| I think that's more palatable than a job at SNL. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Comedy's tough in Hawaii, though, because there's no pain. | ||
| Dude, I said the same thing. | ||
| In fact, I don't know if you know Russ Maneve. | ||
| No. | ||
| Okay, he's a funny comic, but he. | ||
| I know the name. | ||
| I told a joke of his. | ||
| I got myself unlaid at this wedding. | ||
| It was like my cousin was about to get married. | ||
| But, you know, Russ had a joke about Dolphins' blowhole. | ||
| He goes, you know, Blow. | ||
| He goes, don't fuck. | ||
| He goes, guys, don't fuck them in that hole. | ||
| But if you do, hold on. | ||
| And you got a 69, too, right? | ||
| When I said that, dude, this girl had her, I mean, it was like it was already touching my shoulder and shit. | ||
| And I said that, and her hand, like, pew, like shot off because, like, I didn't know they have to worship dolphins as a god there. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| It's like it, it's like it tells joke. | ||
| It's a funny joke. | ||
| They killed me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They got mad? | |
| They got mad? | ||
| She got mad because it's like they're a joke about fucking shit. | ||
| Dude, it's like the ultimate. | ||
| If you're a girl that makes her own jewelry, it's the best place you could live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jade? | |
| No, with colorful seashells. | ||
| They got these seashells that are a gemstone. | ||
| They're like these rainbow shells. | ||
| They're the only seashell you can insure at Lloyds of London. | ||
| Which island was he on? | ||
| Kauai. | ||
| I got my girl, my ex at the time I got, brought her some necklace. | ||
| I mean, because, you know, I brought back all this coffee. | ||
| You spend all this money there, like, and you come back and you're like, this shit you can't wear in society. | ||
| This is some fucking shirt. | ||
| That's shit. | ||
| I brought these handbags. | ||
| Like, I'm cheap. | ||
| Yeah, like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious, dude. | |
| But it's also, there's a terrible thing if you're trapped on an island with a bunch of lamers. | ||
| Like, they could try to get you to be lame. | ||
| Like, if you've got a bunch of boring people and you're stuck on it, like, that's cool. | ||
| That's that show lost. | ||
| Yeah, they're lame. | ||
| Think of that show lost. | ||
| Yeah, go to a bar. | ||
| It's all about locals and, like. | ||
| That's fine if the locals are cool. | ||
| Right. | ||
| If you get lucky and get a bunch of cool locals, that must be awesome. | ||
| But if your locals are all dipshits, you got to fucking. | ||
| Here's what's annoying. | ||
| There's a bunch of local celebrities that are like, usually it's a fat guy that can sing. | ||
| And like, he's real cocky. | ||
| And I was like, you know, it's cool. | ||
| That's your Hawaiian guy. | ||
| But it's like, the dude's, I'm like, you know, I'm going, the guy comes in, does all these covers are like four non-blondes, like, hey, hey, Jesus. | ||
| I'll say, hey, it's a big fat guy singing that. | ||
| And I'm like, hey, hey, good job, man. | ||
| I was going to be like, okay. | ||
| I'm like, you know, I'm just being nice until I met you, dumb cover, fat. | ||
| I was like, you don't have to act Like, you know, this is years ago. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| I'm like, that was cocky. | ||
| I'm like, yo, for a guy that's going to die at 50, you're pretty cocky. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| You're being really negative about this guy. | ||
| They're all either in the most beautiful, like the engineers from Prometheus or 800 pounds. | ||
| Like the Samoan. | ||
| The engineer from Prometheus. | ||
| Like this incredible. | ||
| Because my in-laws are. | ||
| That's a great description of like the perfect, ridiculous, unattainable body. | ||
| Yeah, no, these dudes are fucking, like, because, you know, Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons do, it does very well in island places with Pacific Islanders. | ||
| Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons do very well. | ||
| That's why Brigham Young University has all these big Samoan fucking linebackers. | ||
| Because they're Mormons. | ||
| Yeah, and they have big family. | ||
| They're into big families naturally. | ||
| So it just lends itself to their, you know. | ||
| That's my favorite cult, even though they're one of the most preposterous ones in terms of like what their background origin story is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you find out about Joseph Smith being 14 and 1820, and he writes about golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus and only you could read them because he had a seer stone. | ||
| I love that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because it's such a great... | ||
| It's so bad. | ||
| I can't be the first person to say this, but the only reason you're like, fuck that is because it's too recently. | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| If you added a thousand years to it, no one could debate it. | ||
| Well, sorta, but a 14-year-old. | ||
| He was 14? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, I didn't know that. | ||
| Wow, that's like when I think of Biggie and Tupac. | ||
| I'm like, they were like 23. | ||
| They were kids. | ||
| Well, all 14-year-olds are full of shit. | ||
| They're practicing what they can get away with. | ||
| They make a lot of people. | ||
| Who believes 14-year-olds? | ||
| Yeah, but he's like high-level full of shit. | ||
| Well, he wasn't just high-level full of shit. | ||
| He was probably like a compulsive liar, probably pathological. | ||
| And he was ultimately a con man. | ||
| I mean, that's what he became. | ||
| Dude, do people, this is what you don't realize these con men is like, how do they do it? | ||
| It's like people are so complicit in that. | ||
| And there's people addicted to that bullshit being conned. | ||
| And they will, it's some Ben Franklin quote, right, about like quacks, patients are the biggest liars or some shit. | ||
| Like they, it's such a bizarre drug dealer situation, the con man and connie a lot of times. | ||
| There's this drug they're after. | ||
| And I know people that compulsively have to be conned or sold or at least. | ||
| You see that with psychics and people who love psychics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They will convince themselves. | ||
| They'll convince themselves that this person has some secret information about them and they were so right. | ||
| They were so right about my dad. | ||
| Mike Epps has a great joke. | ||
| Mike Epps is never faded, underrated. | ||
| With the silver suit he's got on? | ||
| I haven't seen it. | ||
| No, that's one of the best hours. | ||
| He's a funny dude. | ||
| Dude, that makes me... | ||
| I'm trying to write that down. | ||
| Is it on Netflix? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one of the funny things. | ||
| Say the name again? | ||
| Like underrated, never faded or some shit. | ||
| He's in Detroit. | ||
| But he had like old ladies, like Pastor Glesson played around too many times. | ||
| Old ladies break out of catching the spirit. | ||
| They done sent that prayer three times now. | ||
| That's bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, see, I can't do it. | ||
| I was talking about like, these are old ladies that go to church. | ||
| I know that old lady, like, if they go to church and they want to pay money to the Jesus man, but even they know what this is a little bit, you know? | ||
| So when the guy's not doing his end of conning him the right way, they're not completely helpless. | ||
| They're like, oh, this is a bullshit. | ||
| They want that Marjo, that documentary is about that, that guy that Steve Morton made his preacher leap of faith is based on that. | ||
| And the dude doesn't believe in God, and he's making his moves based on Mick Jagger. | ||
| And he's like, they want him to hit note. | ||
| He's getting resentful because they want him to be a hack and he wants to try out new stuff. | ||
| And they don't, you know? | ||
| That's how I took it. | ||
| If you watch it, it's very interesting. | ||
| I'm fascinated by TV preachers. | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| I think they're amazing. | ||
| I mean, some of them are so blatantly ridiculous. | ||
| Did you ever see the ones that were put together, the Jim Baker, who's the dude who made a bunch of, Duncan's friend made a bunch of really funny videos with Jim Baker using all that survival stuff? | ||
| He just had incredible edits of real moments with Jim Baker talking about his survival food and like how you can use the buckets of survival food as like John Tanny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A bottom of a table. | ||
| So you eat there and you lift it up and the survival food, that's where you store it. | ||
| His survival food is a little bit more difficult. | ||
| See, I've seen him with that. | ||
| He's got people sitting on it like it makes a good chair. | ||
| I'm sitting there and you're sitting on a chair filled with survival food. | ||
| Yeah, they're sales. | ||
| It's all sales. | ||
| This video this guy put together, it's fucking hilarious because it's all like some of the most ridiculous things that he said. | ||
| Did you know he spliced their story? | ||
| Because they got kind of run out by. | ||
| Yeah, because of Jessica Hahn. | ||
| Well, no, I know, but he set up, it was a power grab. | ||
| Maybe it's in the eyes of Tammy Faye, that documentary. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Because they were con artists that also got conned by that fucking guy who was from the Faith Coalition or something. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I lived down south at that. | ||
| Well, not, I lived in Statesville, North Carolina at that time when he was big. | ||
| That's not like South South. | ||
| But there's like a certain melody to get people to say like, yeah, like Farrakhan does it. | ||
| Where he's like, and America sucks. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, America sucks. | ||
| Basta. | ||
| Yeah, well, I don't even know. | ||
| Jim Baker looks different now. | ||
| Now he's all bald. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Why is it saying Basta? | ||
| Oh, were they speaking in tongues? | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's stopping Italian. | ||
| He's got a bunch of videos on Jim Baker. | ||
| He's got a ton of videos on him. | ||
| I think homeboy might be obsessed. | ||
| But he puts together these ridiculous edits of the Jim Baker show. | ||
| Preparedness and survival. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| This is like this. | ||
| They've got a show for me. | ||
| Dude, I love when rednecks adopt Hebrew shit. | ||
| Like it's their shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm going to blow a chauffeur now. | ||
| Dude, my religion, we said all these Jew words we didn't know how to say. | ||
| And then I dated a girl who spoke Hebrew and didn't understand how off all my pronunciations were of everything. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| So yours was straight from the Jehovah's Witnesses. | ||
| I had a My Book of Bible stories where a guy's reading the tape. | ||
| So I would pronounce these words. | ||
| It's just how Americans pronounce Bible words. | ||
| And the shit's not for us. | ||
| It's for the people that... | ||
| I mean, a lot of these words are like thousands of years old. | ||
| Yeah, well, Hebrew, though, they recreated it when the nation of Israel was formed. | ||
| It's kind of interesting. | ||
| They had to re-re. | ||
| It was like a lost language that had to be rebuilt. | ||
| Rebuild it? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| From the ground up. | ||
| Well, I guess not from the ground up. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They had to put it. | ||
| But now it's a fluently spoken language and it was like dead for a while. | ||
| Yeah, well, there's two different Hebrews, right? | ||
| There's ancient Hebrew. | ||
| It's different, right? | ||
| I guess, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ancient Hebrew, the letters are also numbers. | ||
| There's no numbers in ancient Hebrew, it's real weird. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think they use it anymore, but that's like the original Bible. | ||
| I mean, like, how many people use ancient Hebrew to see if you can find a video what ancient Hebrew sounds like. | ||
| Well, my ex's parents are Hebrew scholars, so they want to hear what it sounds like. | ||
| Like, Hebrew. | ||
| It sounds like phlegm noises. | ||
| It all sounds like weird fucking sound. | ||
| Here's an example. | ||
| What is that about that sound? | ||
| It's just, you know. | ||
| But I mean, think about it. | ||
| Like, Chinese has a very specific sound. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Germany is very sound. | |
| Chinese sounds Italian. | ||
| Have you been to China? | ||
| No, I've never been to China. | ||
| I've been to Japan, though. | ||
| It's worth going. | ||
| It's a lot of like shh sounds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me hear this shit. | |
| That sounds like Latin a little better. | ||
| It sounds like what? | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| Look at the writing. | ||
| That's how crazy it looks. | ||
| It looks like Lord of the Rings elf language, doesn't it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It does. | |
| Like ancient languages like Sanskrit look so crazy. | ||
| If this was on a spaceship, you would think it would be like that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| If that was on a spaceship, etched into the side of the spaceship, you'd be like, holy shit, it's a fucking alien language. | ||
| Look, I mean, I don't know what any of those things are. | ||
| I don't know what one of those numbers is. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck those words are, those letters. | ||
| That's an alien language. | ||
| That's, to me, almost more alien than a lot of Asian languages. | ||
| That looks crazy. | ||
| Well, that's a reason to kind of doubt that somebody's translating it right. | ||
| It's just like, oh, you looked at that gibberish and you saw that. | ||
| Well, scholars, you know, the whole thing with that is that these ancient, ancient, ancient languages, like all these stories came from these ancient languages. | ||
| Like if you go way, way, way back to ancient Somer, like the Epic of Gilgamesh, there's all these Noah's Ark similarities. | ||
| There's a lot of stuff in all these ancient stories. | ||
| It's all probably points to some real shit that happened. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But along the way, just like what you're talking about with social justice warriors and how they behave like it's a religion, there's like a natural compulsion for people to be on a group and have that group have a very clear. | ||
| They have to work their way up to atheism if they want it, because that's like almost a luxury, I think. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right. | ||
| And I don't know how to just, but I'll tell you what, I will say with the DMT shit, I did get like more of a, oh yeah, there's more than something else there. | ||
| And it's crazy. | ||
| Because, you know, I read about that shit in high school. | ||
| I read some work about that guy that is the big DMT guy. | ||
| Terrence McKenna? | ||
| Yeah, because I think he projects a lot of his own horse shit into it. | ||
| That stuff, the feeling. | ||
| That mechanic does or the. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that is such, there's something so terrifying about that, but it's also like, wow, that's great. | ||
| And you just, you feel like there has to be, just based on the shit you would see. | ||
| Even if it's just shit in your head, you're like, why would that even be in my head? | ||
| It's entirely possible that whatever the fuck consciousness is can pass from this stage into another stage. | ||
| And the only reason why I would hesitate to say that's exactly what happens is because there's no proof one way or another. | ||
| But it's not. | ||
| See, all that pineal gland shit is not proven. | ||
| They don't know that DMT comes from the bottom of the street. | ||
| They can't handle it anymore. | ||
| They do now. | ||
| Yeah, they do now. | ||
| Yeah, the Cottonwood Research Foundation, they did a series of tests with rats, and they proved that live rats have DMT produced by the pineal gland. | ||
| Now it doesn't necessarily mean that humans do too, but they're pretty sure they do. | ||
| Did you like that? | ||
| They also know that your lungs produce it and your liver produces it. | ||
| That's a fact. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So your body's producing DMT, 100%. | ||
| Did you know that, or did you like those H.P. Lovecraft kind of horror stories? | ||
| Oh, I love those things. | ||
| And there's a movie made out of one of them. | ||
| It's all about his pineal gland. | ||
| He's taking something that makes his pineal gland swell up. | ||
| Which one is that? | ||
| What movie is that? | ||
| It stars the guy from Reanimator. | ||
| It's not Reanimator. | ||
| I'm feeling it now. | ||
| I kind of remember what you're talking about. | ||
| But I'll tell you the creepy, the thing is DMT has the creepy. | ||
| I saw it the creepy because that's totally worth doing. | ||
| But the thing that's, you know, whatever, people say they meet entities, right? | ||
| But I don't know if that shit is meeting entity. | ||
| But I'll tell you the thing that just sticks with me that I'm like, how in the fuck is that possible is the shapes that I could see were, I was well aware that they were a bit more than three-dimensional shapes. | ||
| And it's so crazy to look at that and perceive it. | ||
| And I'm like, how on earth could I perceive this shape? | ||
| And when I can't, and you can't come back with it. | ||
| Like, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| But you know how you see it, though, in someone's art? | ||
| Like, have you ever seen Alex Gray's art? | ||
| Yeah, that's awesome. | ||
| No. | ||
| You haven't seen it? | ||
| No, it isn't. | ||
| Pull up Alex Gray. | ||
| He's a psychedelic artist. | ||
| I mean, all of his stuff is basically tryptamine-based art. | ||
| Is it going to not fit? | ||
| Because sometimes it's a fair thing. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He's brilliant. | ||
| His stuff's fucking amazing. | ||
| Because that is something. | ||
| His stuff's fucking amazing. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that thing. | ||
| For tools. | ||
| That's one of them. | ||
| But yeah, he draws the covers for Tool albums. | ||
| There's a ton of them, like that one. | ||
| That one in specific. | ||
| That is DMT. | ||
| That's DM. | ||
| That's DMT. | ||
| That is DMT. | ||
| Wow, that is hardcore DMT. | ||
| Hardcore DMT. | ||
| When you do DMT, you see that. | ||
| And you see that in a way where it's so much more spectacular than anything you ever see under normal consciousness. | ||
| Is your body there? | ||
| It's not a body thing. | ||
| You're not thinking about yourself. | ||
| But you're yourself close. | ||
| I mean, I'm myself. | ||
| Yeah, you're yourself. | ||
| Like, you look around. | ||
| Dude, if you open your eyes. | ||
| Here's what's crazy. | ||
| So if you close your eyes, it's like they're open somewhere else. | ||
| And then when you open your eyes, you see reality overlaid over this. | ||
| Tell me this one didn't influence the Egyptians. | ||
| Click on the one your cursor's on. | ||
| No, I. Tell me that didn't influence the Egyptians. | ||
| What, this painting? | ||
| No, these kind of tripped me. | ||
| Well, did they have images? | ||
| Did they have DMT? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, there was one of the things that John Anthony West did was he was going over the Temple in Man. | ||
| The Temple in Man is one of the structures. | ||
| It's in Egypt. | ||
| And it shows different parts of it are supposed to represent different corridors of the body, like different chakras of the body. | ||
| And that there was some evidence that the eye of Horus is really the pineal gland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| And that's what that symbol is. | ||
| Like, see if Google pineal gland, eye of Horus. | ||
| They think that They're so similar in the way they're shaped. | ||
| It's entirely possible that that's what that. | ||
| It's a very alternative thing. | ||
| But look how it looks, how the thing looks on the right, the actual pineal gland, and look at the eye on the left. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| See that wing off the side and the way it drops down right from the eyeball? | ||
| Boy, that's fucking similar. | ||
| It's entirely possible that they figured that out somewhere along the line, that through yogic breathing methods or some sort of psychedelic drugs they found, that they were achieving a hallucinogenic state, and they were able to somehow or another isolate where that state is being initiated. | ||
| And if it's being initiated endogenously by your body, like through psychedelic breathing, that's probably where it's being produced. | ||
| Now listen, I don't want to sound like an Amos Schumer defender, but that looked coincidental to me. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| Parallels. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| I think certain patterns were close over and over again. | ||
| But that pattern is pretty fucking close. | ||
| You might be right. | ||
| It might be coincidental. | ||
| But the fact that a straight line drops down right before the eye showed again, the straight line drops down right below the eye showed it. | ||
| But they didn't know what the fucking brain did in Egypt. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| They did surgery on people in Egypt. | ||
| Yep, but I see it. | ||
| Look at this thing on the right. | ||
| First of all, I thought Egypt thought the mind was in the heart, and that's why they pulled the useless brain out through the nose when they mummified you. | ||
| They only know their intent. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because the embalming techniques. | ||
| Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean they didn't respect the brain. | ||
| The brain kept. | ||
| No, they didn't think. | ||
| Look, they didn't know everything about the human body the way it was. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Why don't they attach significance to something in the brain if they don't think that's? | ||
| Because I think through psychedelic drugs. | ||
| I think when they were doing these heavy psychedelic drugs, which by the way, were absolutely being used by then. | ||
| By tons of people, but that I could believe. | ||
| Listen, dude, this is the thing where it really blew my mind because I was looking at the business. | ||
| You don't want to even believe rumors. | ||
| That's what's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Again, no, I saw, do you ever look at somebody while you're on DMT at the smoke it? | |
| No, I've always kept my eyes closed. | ||
| Okay, well, wow, two times close my eyes, and one time open my eyes and look at somebody, and they had six arms like a Hindu? | ||
| Yeah, somebody else just was just saying that. | ||
| I might have been telling you this at the comedy store. | ||
| What it is, is your time perception gets broken down. | ||
| And that's the craziness. | ||
| And so then motion looks like six arms. | ||
| Like Shiva. | ||
| Yeah, it looked like a Hindu thing. | ||
| And I'm like, wow, I imagine being on that stuff and you see something. | ||
| I mean, that looked to me so much like a vision from DMT, those six-arm kind of guys. | ||
| Dude, I collect that kind of art, like Buddhas and shit like that, like this kind of shit. | ||
| Because I saw this. | ||
| I saw this image, this exact image. | ||
| I mean, this has a third eye and everything. | ||
| The sculptor made this for me. | ||
| I don't remember his name. | ||
| Yeah, I wish I could remember it right now, but I don't. | ||
| But yeah, sculptor made that for me based on this vision that I had high on DMT. | ||
| I saw an infinite number of those. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I saw one hovering here, and then in every direction out from him, there was an infinite number of those, and they were all hovering and vibrating around me. | ||
| So it's like fractal. | ||
| Is it like fractal? | ||
| It's 100% fractal. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Geometric. | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| What do you think? | ||
| Having done it, what do you think now of DMT after, you know, I think I saw just a couple things, but I don't know how long ago they were of you talking about it with people. | ||
| But what's your opinion of it now as like, you know, what you're seeing? | ||
| Well, it could be anything. | ||
| I mean, it definitely could be some sort of an insane hijacking of your sensory nervous system, and it produces this spectacular psychedelic effect that's so profound, this hallucinogenic effect that's so profound that it literally is like a transcendent experience and changes your life. | ||
| It's totally possible that it's just a chemical thing. | ||
| But what's also possible is that life itself, that whatever the fuck life is, and especially whatever the fuck intelligent life is, is not understood. | ||
| What consciousness is, is not understood. | ||
| And this idea that things can only exist in this realm, that's not proven. | ||
| Also the fact that when those quantum physicist guys start breaking down the nature of reality and they come up with, I don't know how the fuck they do this, I'm just talking on my ass, but they come up with the idea that there's 11 dimensions. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that they literally, I mean, and this is all changing and constantly evolving and moving and they're constantly adding to this. | ||
| It is entirely possible that there's a bunch of other shit that's around us all the time that's just not here and we don't have access to it. | ||
| And when you do DMT, you go into that other place. | ||
| That's entirely fucking unsettling, dude. | ||
| It's like, it's not like you're going. | ||
| It's like the shit's here. | ||
| Well, that's why you, as a skeptic, it's very important to hear from you. | ||
| Like a guy like that. | ||
| I'll tell you what, because I drew a shitty diagram of it. | ||
| But this is what it feels like if you ever do it. | ||
| Like, this little point, let's say this little point is you. | ||
| This is what I felt like. | ||
| And these lines I drew, that's like space time. | ||
| And you're at this little point that gets stabbed into space-time. | ||
| And all this shit, this is all the shit that makes you. | ||
| Like, it forms a point. | ||
| It's like closing your eyes and looking at all of this shit that's being a cross-section of your being. | ||
| Like everything being focused into making, if you could, like, just reverse look at it, it feels like that. | ||
| I always feel like it's lessons. | ||
| I always feel like it's lessons. | ||
| I always feel like it's time to go to school. | ||
| Sit down, sit down. | ||
| Here's what's going on. | ||
| One of the last ones, more profound ones, was a bunch of gestures that were all giving me the finger. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They were all circled around me, like, give me the finger. | ||
| Like, who named you? | ||
| That was your Twitter. | ||
| No, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I'm trying to teach you about Twitter. | ||
| It's teaching, if you're tense, if you're tense, reacting negatively to this jester giving you the finger. | ||
| Like, how do you feel of yourself? | ||
| Are you in constant defensive mode? | ||
| And then when I sort of relaxed myself, they started wagging their finger back and forth like, yep, that's it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Very, very strange. | ||
| These things that you see but you can't define are constantly changing. | ||
| So if you try to like say, oh, it looked like a gesture, it probably did for a few seconds. | ||
| For a few seconds, it looked like a gesture, and then it imploded and became stars, and then it sucked in and became geometric patterns, and then became neon-colored worms that were making love to each other in a giant infinite bundle of yarn. | ||
| Like it becomes weirder and weirder shit all the time. | ||
| Is it hard to remember when you're done? | ||
| It's almost impossible. | ||
| Even me saying it, I'm kind of full of shit. | ||
| I'm kind of full of shit because I don't totally remember what I saw. | ||
| I remember what I remember to write down. | ||
| I remember what I repeated. | ||
| So I'm like going back on like my repeated versions of what I saw. | ||
| But I just, I remember like flashes of the intense, profound nature of the experience. | ||
| Is there emotions to it? | ||
| Like it's unraveling. | ||
| And when I came out of it the first time, I did this on New Year's the first time I did it. | ||
| And I fucking, I guess I was like weeping, but when I came out of it, because you just suddenly are awake, and I was so out of it, it was like not, I went from weeping to like, oh, hey, what's up? | ||
| Like, because I've been staring at some crazy thing that would look so beautiful to me. | ||
| But it was like coming out of a dream, I guess, almost. | ||
| What's that McKenna quote that I think what I'd be scared of is unearned wisdom? | ||
| I think McKenna said something like, be wary of unearned wisdom, where I don't know if I can handle looking at something that intense. | ||
| I was really in a low feeling state when I did it, and I didn't give a fuck, so I wanted to do it. | ||
| You pick up Slack, you know, that unearned wisdom thing. | ||
| I think I know what he's saying, and I think there's a real problem with people acting profound when they just learned something an hour ago. | ||
| He's saying I'm not a shaman? | ||
| No. | ||
| Are you not a qualified shaman? | ||
| There's a thing that people enjoy doing, and it's like jizzing out their knowledge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and a lot of that is unearned knowledge. | ||
| Like, there's a lot of people that don't really have a full, including me. | ||
| My mind balls are so full. | ||
| I'm not having a full understanding of the topic at hand. | ||
| You just jizz it out. | ||
| Yeah, jizz it, man. | ||
| But you, look, for sure, you learned a lot about yourself when you do those experiences. | ||
| I learned a lot about myself. | ||
| Learned a lot about how I interact with people. | ||
| I saw negative thoughts like expressed as like this dark green and black, like twisted sort of pattern. | ||
| And then when my thoughts went positive, it blossomed like the most beautiful flowers you can imagine. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It was a lesson in thinking toxically. | ||
| And this is probably like 2008-ish, somewhere around then. | ||
| That was this particular experience that literally changed who I am. | ||
| Literally changed how I talk to people. | ||
| Literally changed how I feel about people. | ||
| Watching a negative thought being expressed is this dark pattern. | ||
| And then the positive thought just, I just let it go. | ||
| Like, oh, I see, I see. | ||
| I'm doing it to myself. | ||
| And then boom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then you just relax and enjoy. | ||
| Like, this is so beautiful. | ||
| And because you're looking at something so beautiful, that feeling of seeing beauty makes it more beautiful. | ||
| And it's just getting more. | ||
| And like tears are rolling down my eyes. | ||
| It was a stunning, stunning experience. | ||
| Dude, I honestly God, it's easier to do that now besides that, but I know what you mean. | ||
| I wish I could remember seeing it, though. | ||
| I remember it happened, and I remember the dark green and black, but it's so, I remember so little of what I actually saw. | ||
| It's a total recreation in my mind, which is a real problem with memory. | ||
| It's a real problem with regular memory. | ||
| Forget about something as spectacularly unique and odd as a psychedelic experience. | ||
| But just regular memory. | ||
| I mean, I try to think of what I did yesterday. | ||
| I know what I did. | ||
| Did you ever get the information? | ||
| Like, the last time I did it, this is what really blew me away is because my groph was saying, I was going, I won't forget. | ||
| And by the way, I forgot immediately. | ||
| It's like a joke. | ||
| When you think of a joke, you have to write it down. | ||
| You're supposed to talk into a microphone. | ||
| Like, talk into a recorder right away when you get out. | ||
| And then try to decipher that. | ||
| Let's say I feel like I can't talk. | ||
| I mean, usually I feel like I can't talk. | ||
| As soon as you can, though, what you should do is just use the voice app on your phone. | ||
| And as soon as you can talk, hit record and just ramble. | ||
| First of all, you're going to go, oh my God, I'm a fucking moron. | ||
| If you're sober, it's going to sound so stupid. | ||
| That's my favorite, like ayahuasca. | ||
| It's an inner journey and battle. | ||
| Yeah, on the inside. | ||
| On the outside, you're just puking and projectile shit at you. | ||
| Gibbering like an idiot. | ||
| That's a metaphor for Twitter. | ||
| There should be a way to get it. | ||
| No, but Twitter, not being on that shit, like, not being on fucking social media, the level. | ||
| Because at one point, I remember I would read like salon.com to fucking be annoyed. | ||
| I didn't notice it. | ||
| You were doing it on purpose? | ||
| You're seeing it. | ||
| I didn't realize how much I was like, am I like, it's like a conflict addiction and it becomes like some weird rush that people get. | ||
| Chernomasochism? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's just a fucking thing of, especially if you have a manic kind of personality, it's easy to get. | ||
| Cortisol. | ||
| It's why I guess. | ||
| This is why you two share. | ||
| You share this. | ||
| You've overcome this. | ||
| He's in the grips of it. | ||
| He's in the grips of doing battle every day. | ||
| He puts on his photo. | ||
| Dude, it's ridiculous. | ||
| I can't believe. | ||
| I mean, the amount of energy that I would spend on there. | ||
| But I'm not saying don't put whatever you want. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Listen, post shit on Twitter, but don't look. | ||
| Who gives a shit what anybody says? | ||
| But he has. | ||
| You've had issues with it. | ||
| You and I talked about it where you would get in these Twitter beefs and you wouldn't be able to sleep. | ||
| That's cortisol. | ||
| It's the same thing that a Dixie at a gambling is actually losing. | ||
| Dude, I don't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| That's not a smart thing to do with your time. | ||
| I can't see why that would be good for you. | ||
| I know you think you come up with material sometimes, with battling out with people. | ||
| I thought I was working. | ||
| If I did DMT, it would show me how to like this. | ||
| Yeah, it would show you like use Twitter to represent who you are. | ||
| It's just fucking hard to represent who you are. | ||
| It's hard in print. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| Especially me because my tone is so key with jokes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And most people. | ||
| With most people it is. | ||
| It's not like you're copywriting jokes going on there. | ||
| I promote where I'm going to be. | ||
| Make people fucking buy a ticket if they want to hear your little inside thoughts. | ||
| Someone's angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, man. | |
| Dude, I can't believe what an idiot I was. | ||
| He's coming strong. | ||
| I thought it was like I was working. | ||
| I remember my ex would be like, will you fucking get off fucking Facebook? | ||
| I'm like, this is my job. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Like in my head, that's like productive. | ||
| And see, sometimes I do write with it though. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Like I will go through my Twitter and just be like, okay, what are the. | ||
| It's not copyrighted just so you know. | ||
| And also. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Also, you're just given people become accustomed. | ||
| See, all this inside baseball shit they do with stand up is making civilians. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does that mean? | |
| Like you never heard that inside baseball? | ||
| Like the insiders terms? | ||
| No. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| I was working on a pilot. | ||
| They go, we need more inside baseball. | ||
| Like Pete Holmes'show on HBO is about being a stand up. | ||
| So it's like an insiders. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like that's how it's put out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which I'm against this showing the process shit everybody does. | ||
| And that's what I would do on. | ||
| I looked at Facebook almost like a diet. | ||
| Like I'm showing you. | ||
| I would go very clearly. | ||
| Nine out of 10 of these will suck. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Not be worth reading at all. | ||
| And one in 10 will be funny maybe. | ||
| But you're not paying me for this. | ||
| So I'm just allowing you to see my process. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm thinking like it's a diary. | ||
| But you don't put your diary. | ||
| So you're like, how is this nothing writing about Dave Chappelle's hour that it's ho-hum? | ||
| Because I was reading some dickhead writing by Chappelle. | ||
| I'm like, where do you get the balls? | ||
| And it's because they're being made to feel like an insider. | ||
| The same as Trump is like an everyman fucking dip shit, you know, Joe fucking bag of donuts, like Dom Marrero called him. | ||
| That guy's like, yeah, guy like me that talks like me. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| Finally. | ||
| Everybody's about that now. | ||
| They hate like an elite or an expert. | ||
| A lot of experts have lied to people over the years. | ||
| We went on several terms. | ||
| Let's bring it back to the people that are writing. | ||
| So these people that are writing these things, a lot of them, they're in their 20s, and we would all have done the same thing, the exact same thing. | ||
| When you're in your 20s, I thought 22 years old. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, you thought just like that. | ||
| When you were a writer, hold on. | ||
| When you were a writer, and if you were writing a blog for some sort of online publication and you decided to take an angle, this Dave Spell special is not that big a deal. | ||
| And then just go run with that. | ||
| You would probably do the exact fucking same thing. | ||
| There's a lot of people that do that. | ||
| Well, no, if I was a reviewer, like I told you, I'm a sucker. | ||
| So I would review it and say what I thought about the hour. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So that's not what's done. | ||
| And I know for a fact that's not how these people do it. | ||
| If you talk to them, they go, I got to say I don't like somebody's because I like them. | ||
| They have a political reason. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's not, nothing is based on funny. | ||
| I mean, it was always like that, but now there's an added political element of not funny. | ||
| There's a whole la-la-land section of it. | ||
| There's a whole section where up is down and right is left and whatever the fuck you say becomes doctrine. | ||
| Well, people like to make Dane Cook a punchline that I haven't, and half the people that would do that, they haven't made me laugh even a little as much as Dane Cook. | ||
| So I'm wondering how it's like, it's a free shot. | ||
| It's like Caratop. | ||
| People who take a free shot at Caratop. | ||
| I don't even see these fucking punk millennials now doing the work of a Carrotop. | ||
| It's like he made props. | ||
| He built those props. | ||
| Yeah, Caratop is a funny guy. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| Like, he's a good comic. | ||
| Like, if you go see a show, it's a silly, funny show. | ||
| But it has punchlines. | ||
| think they literally... | ||
| There's a new kind of comedy that doesn't have... | ||
| Set a punchline is not only... | ||
| Dude, it's post-modern. | ||
| That is the building block of the universe. | ||
| You think that you could... | ||
| Everything is coming. | ||
| It's postmodern comedy. | ||
| Well, you know what it is. | ||
| It's people that aren't good at it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's the new way. | ||
| They are in the press. | ||
| They're like, I'm funny. | ||
| Every shitty activist, by the way, will tell you they're a comedian. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Every single one of them. | ||
| If they like that style and they go, it's like someone saying to a jazz guitarist, dude, you can't play for shit because you can't play like Hendrix. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, but they don't want to. | ||
| They want to do this. | ||
| And I understand that, dude, I understand not. | ||
| Because I don't appreciate music or whatever, how I should appreciate it. | ||
| I totally get that. | ||
| But I don't think I could just walk and play guitar. | ||
| But it's now a different genre, though, because the whole thing is, according to me, it's all the lowercase I generation, like right out of Apple products. | ||
| Well, there's also an applied snobbishness where the people that are not doing the punchlines feel like what they're doing is somehow or another better than someone who does classic setup punchline sort of joke writing. | ||
| And that's ridiculous. | ||
| It's ridiculous because it's not better or worse. | ||
| And, you know, you don't get brownie points just because you're eclectic. | ||
| Just because you didn't know your alternative shit was old Steve Martin bits. | ||
| Well, Dennis Miller. | ||
| It's where it gets really funny. | ||
| Like Dennis Miller. | ||
| Dennis Miller was super alt in a lot of ways. | ||
| So he's like, he would be telling these setup punchlines about shit that you definitely didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. | ||
| And you would laugh anyway because you didn't want to be thought of as stupid. | ||
| There was a bunch of people that laughed at Dennis Miller's jokes. | ||
| They didn't have a fucking clue as to what he was saying. | ||
| Mark Twain did that. | ||
| Mark Twain had cancer. | ||
| No, Mark joke cancer. | ||
| Because Mark Twain wrote a whole book as a joke. | ||
| Which book was that? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| But I remember it was like having everybody review it and stuff, like it was real, and he was just laughing his ass off. | ||
| I mean, if you write the book, is it a joke at that point? | ||
| It just sounds like you wrote a book. | ||
| It's almost like you bang a guy as a joke. | ||
| Put in the effort. | ||
| You wrote it as a satire, and people took it as fact. | ||
| And it's like postmodern comedy. | ||
| That was one of my first jokes in college was, knock, knock, who's there? | ||
| Pineapple, who are you to say what funny is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Because it's true. | ||
| It's like a dot in a painting. | ||
| It's like childhood. | ||
| Tell me. | ||
| Listen, if you paid to see me, you can determine if I did my job or not. | ||
| Well, you have your take on it, and people have their take on it. | ||
| But there's certain guys that, you know, they're just funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you could say, like, someone's saying, okay, like, perfect example, set up punchline. | ||
| Mitch Hedberg, if you say that's not funny, fuck you. | ||
| Yeah, you're lying. | ||
| Just fuck you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Because he's clever. | ||
| It's set up. | ||
| weird. | ||
| It's like, I mean, it's sort of classic funny. | ||
| it's usually for reasons outside of the, I've heard people say, like, I don't like a guy that sounds Jewy. | ||
| I'm like, okay, well, you had a fair, that's a fair critique. | ||
| Sure, but that's the case with music, too, right? | ||
| Like, you might not like Bob Dylan's voice. | ||
| Like, ew, I don't want to hear it. | ||
| And that's a legit concern. | ||
| That's a legit concern. | ||
| Dude, everybody can have their thing. | ||
| I got no issue with that. | ||
| Because comedy's not just what you're saying. | ||
| It's how you're saying it and how it sounds to people. | ||
| But why do you need to destroy? | ||
| See, this is why I understand, like, if you don't like somebody's fucking comment, it's fine. | ||
| But they're not. | ||
| Don't people agree with bands, though? | ||
| There's groups now that need to destroy. | ||
| They're like, but I can't trust for you to enjoy it because I don't know how. | ||
| You know, people want to take it. | ||
| Okay, but how is it different than shitting on people who like Nickelback? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's kind of sad. | |
| I don't shit on people who like Nickelback. | ||
| Well, you're a beautiful person. | ||
| But isn't that a real thing? | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| It's kind of the same thing. | ||
| Well, it's cool. | ||
| It's it's like we just decide. | ||
| Doesn't happen, but Louis, like, I just was pretending to enjoy the show. | ||
| You see people writing shit. | ||
| I'm like, are you bragging that you were that weak of a person that you were just going with a crowd and like a thing you didn't enjoy? | ||
| They're trying to hurt your feelings, and I think you know that as well as I do. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| No, no, I know that. | ||
| I'm just reading that it's nonsense. | ||
| You're arguing with a nonsense person. | ||
| That's why don't go on social media, dude. | ||
| He just has these arguments with people that aren't even in his room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, and you fucking say to me that I'm the hitler, you don't even understand what I'm talking about. | |
| You're not even aware of it. | ||
| I'm not saying it, bro. | ||
| I haven't had to argue with anybody. | ||
| This is my point. | ||
| I don't say, I read the shit and go, nothing. | ||
| Like, I save it for the Rogan Show, is what I'm saying. | ||
| But beautiful. | ||
| That's the way to go. | ||
| I say bring it to the Rogan show. | ||
| That's always a good move. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I just listen. | ||
| It's fun as long as you don't get too caught up in it. | ||
| But the reality is, I had a friend who got into something online and it went sideways. | ||
| And my advice was, okay, you know what happens when it goes sideways, right? | ||
| So if there's a situation where you feel like it's going sideways and a bunch of people are going to attack you for no reason, step away. | ||
| Just step away. | ||
| Because if you engage, you are essentially trusting your emotional state to a bunch of people that have no concern for your well-being. | ||
| Like they want to attack you and hurt your feelings. | ||
| You're not going to plead it down to like, well, I was mildly upset with you. | ||
| Now they have this idea and you are the target. | ||
| And you, as a person who's in the public eye, as a celebrity, you know, this person is, you're thought of as someone who already has like some extra privilege. | ||
| You're thought of as someone who's already already stealing something from the rest of us. | ||
| You already get some easy free ride because of your talent or your notoriety or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| So they feel like there's extra license to fuck with you. | ||
| Yeah, I've been guilty of that too, where I feel like someone's so big and powerful. | ||
| Like Jesselmeck. | ||
| I'm not talking to... | ||
| Ah! | ||
| I do see him as successful enough where in my mind I'm like, I'm not even engaging with a person. | ||
| It's like, I don't know. | ||
| I want you to send all your tweets to me first before you tweet. | ||
| I should have a delay. | ||
| This is a delay. | ||
| You send them to me. | ||
| I'll use the delay. | ||
| I'll stop giving you the thumbs up or the thumbs down. | ||
| No more tweeting. | ||
| Just text me. | ||
| I used to just send shit to Barry Crimmons directly for a while. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Same thing. | |
| What I'm saying. | ||
| I give him power of attorney over whatever I want. | ||
| Only he has my password. | ||
| I don't even have to. | ||
| Listen, we're friends. | ||
| I don't want your password, but I do want you to send all your tweets to me first. | ||
| We should seriously try that. | ||
| That'd be so fun. | ||
| Well, let me tell you something about Barry because Barry was responsible for the environment I came up in. | ||
| I came up in Boston. | ||
| Barry Crimmon. | ||
| He created that. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| He didn't just create it. | ||
| He set a tone. | ||
| He said a no hacks, good writing, no thieves. | ||
| He set a tone. | ||
| And that tone was fucking rock solid. | ||
| And they were all these big fucking men. | ||
| Like Lenny Clark is a big guy. | ||
| Kevin Knox was a big guy. | ||
| They were manly men. | ||
| They weren't like these nerdy type skinny little comedians. | ||
| They were fucking savages. | ||
| They did Coke and they were punching each other all the time. | ||
| They never played taxes. | ||
| These fucking guys were animals. | ||
| And Barry Crimmons started the whole thing off. | ||
| He was so good and so smart and so well read and so aware of what's going on in the world. | ||
| He set a tone for the entire and everyone's scared of him. | ||
| I was terrified of him. | ||
| When that guy started reaching out to me and we became friends online, it was like way after I had already been on television and everything. | ||
| I was so happy. | ||
| I was like, Barry Crimmons likes me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He's like, I think you're one of the good guys and I think you're a hero. | ||
| And he said, tell me all this shit. | ||
| And I'm like, yes. | ||
| To me, it was like that was the dawn of comedy. | ||
| He was the fucking main guy that started it off. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| You have that with people. | ||
| I felt that way when you wrote to me, Matt. | ||
| Oh, that's nice. | ||
| Well, I knew what you're talking about. | ||
| Barry is like terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, he was terrible. | ||
| Well, he was so smart. | ||
| He was so well-versed in politics and what was going on. | ||
| Like he dared not bring up Guatemala or Nicaragua around him. | ||
| Don't talk about the conscience of Sandinistas. | ||
| He was like the last progressive. | ||
| He was a left-wing dude. | ||
| Right, but he believed it. | ||
| And he would say there's no... | ||
| We have just reactionaries. | ||
| And that is what America is. | ||
| all reactionaries. | ||
| Nobody's... | ||
| He was a masculine progressive, like an aggressive, fuck you, masculine progressive guy who was anti-racist, anti-sexual harassment, anti-obviously anti-sex abuse because of what happened to him. | ||
| It's a protector. | ||
| He would go on stage and he would have a fucking, like a professor's jacket on. | ||
| He'd reach into it and pull out a Budweiser. | ||
| Every time he had a Budweiser in his pocket that was like half a shtick. | ||
| He drank American beer and he'd put that shit right on the counter, like right in front of you. | ||
| It was like half of like what he did was he was this guy that was sick of all this fucking nonsense around him. | ||
| And he had like this real clear intention of like, this is what's going to be tolerated. | ||
| And his act was like that too. | ||
| And you'd go to watch him, you would literally, like, he was so powerful that you would change like your political leaning. | ||
| If you were in any way, that's what I liked about him is that. | ||
| I don't mind anybody's beliefs if they're like well thought out. | ||
| There's so much of a trend of trend being devoted to something. | ||
| And it's disgusting to you. | ||
| And I'm like, when you said that privilege thing you're talking about, like where people are taking an acknowledgment of privilege. | ||
| Did anybody read? | ||
| I'll go read your scriptures when you tell me about these ideas. | ||
| So the privilege checklist. | ||
| Have you ever read that? | ||
| The Peggy McIntosh privilege. | ||
| Who's Peggy McIntosh? | ||
| The one that kicked off this fucking amazing privilege concept of white privilege based on her ideas on male privilege. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Look up what it's called the unpacking, the invisible white privilege knapsack. | ||
| I love when they say unpacking. | ||
| I can unpack that for you. | ||
| Well, first of all, the first white privilege is you call it a knapsack. | ||
| That's step one. | ||
| But it's clearly just this rich college lady's privileges that she just decides white privilege. | ||
| She's unpacking the invisible backpack. | ||
| Now, every fucking thing that when I used to read would go, please go and educate yourself. | ||
| Look, hold on, hold on, please. | ||
| Through the work to bring materials from women's studies into the rest of the curriculum, I have often noticed men's unwillingness to grant that they are overprivileged, even though they may grant that women are disadvantaged. | ||
| It's almost like she hates women in a way. | ||
| Well, this is a weird thing. | ||
| Well, no, see, this is the thing that's very important. | ||
| This kind of person thinks that your rights are fucking privileges, okay? | ||
| So most of the list is going to be things that are your basic human right, and that if, let's say you're not getting because you're not white, you should be getting them. | ||
| It's not that I shouldn't be able to move into a neighborhood I want, it's that you should be able to also. | ||
| But they're framing it as, no, you have undue privilege, it needs to be taken away. | ||
| It's a distorted way of looking at an actual problem. | ||
| The actual problem is real racism. | ||
| The actual problem is real sexism. | ||
| But instead of looking at that, look at the people that are lucky that they're not discriminated against. | ||
| It's a real thing. | ||
| You're calling them somehow or another, that they're somehow another perpetrators. | ||
| Yeah, it's a real fat chick way of looking at life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You son of a bitch. | |
| It's just a real young, shitty, young meme-girl way to look at the world. | ||
| And it's ironically social. | ||
| I'm happy as long as you're not happy. | ||
| Well, there's a great quote that socialists don't love the poor, they hate the rich. | ||
| That's a good quote. | ||
| And it's also, it's also. | ||
| Well, some people, look, Barry to me was a sincere dude, and I would listen to him. | ||
| And he would give you the shirt. | ||
| That's the other thing of that scene is Barry would not really have a lot of money because he'd be paying it to the comics. | ||
| And he really was a guy that was generous, generous, generous guy. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Legitimately. | ||
| Legitimately generous with his adoration, generous with the way he promoted other comics, generous the way he helped people. | ||
| But generous, like, you know, what he did for that scene. | ||
| He made that scene. | ||
| I mean, everybody will admit that. | ||
| There was a lot of great comics back then. | ||
| I mean, there was Stephen Wright, of course. | ||
| There was a lot of great, Don Gavin, who's one of the all-time, my all-time greatest. | ||
| There was all these great guys that were in that area, but this guy had something special, and he was by far the most well-read out of all of them. | ||
| And I think abused kids have two roads. | ||
| You either want other people to hurt, or you want to protect people. | ||
| Yeah, I think you're right. | ||
| And I think that sometimes early trauma can make you just so protective of the weak where you hate when someone takes advantage of vulnerability. | ||
| Barry was just. | ||
| This is the thing, is like somebody have a fucking principle. | ||
| The Jamie Kilstein thing, I had people write, write in shit. | ||
| This is like right around the time I ceased all Facebook answers because people are like, well, I guess you're happy, Jamie. | ||
| I'm like, why would I be happy? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Do you think there's a, like, I wouldn't wish that shit on anybody. | ||
| That fucking evil shit. | ||
| He had to keep me from killing myself, Barry Crimens. | ||
| He had to talk me down. | ||
| I was going to fuck. | ||
| Dude, the shit that I had coming out on me, you can't even believe. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And what? | ||
| I'm not fucking getting into all the particulars ever again with people that publicly. | ||
| But suffice to say Barry fucking saved my fucking life. | ||
| He saved you with perspective. | ||
| He gave you a better perspective. | ||
| Yeah, I'm lucky I talked to him. | ||
| I am because I was in a fucking bad. | ||
| And when you're ready to do it, it's like nothing. | ||
| This is my ignorance. | ||
| This is my ignorance because I thought that you were brushing it off like nothing. | ||
| Well, I was so crazy. | ||
| Dude, you can't even talk about it. | ||
| On a podcast about it. | ||
| I heard you talk on a podcast about it. | ||
| When, when? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It was a long time ago. | ||
| A long time ago. | ||
| Dude, I was getting fucked in ways that I couldn't even believe. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it was becoming maddening. | ||
| And then it was becoming like, it was just crazy, dude. | ||
| And, you know, I still can't get, I had to go start booking me. | ||
| I mean, technically I have an agent. | ||
| I don't know where they went, but it was like off. | ||
| I was off the fucking, you know. | ||
| I had no work. | ||
| I had a job lined up that I was supposed to get that I fucking couldn't. | ||
| They took it from you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I would have just taken it to work for Shay anyway because I like Mike Chey. | ||
| I couldn't believe the amount of shit for something I don't think is controversial. | ||
| But it doesn't matter. | ||
| Once it's a slow day and somebody picks it up and grabs it, I can't believe someone would bring Amy into it. | ||
| I can't believe that's a thing. | ||
| I guess they did. | ||
| Why do you say that? | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Because how did somebody work for her? | ||
| But I didn't. | ||
| There was no show. | ||
| But the show, while the show was going on, you worked for her. | ||
| Because you probably was done. | ||
| She hadn't announced it wasn't happening. | ||
| No, it's just the rape. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| But it just happened. | ||
| The show just ended. | ||
| So all that time before then, you were writing for her. | ||
| You know why they would connect you to her. | ||
| It's crazy to think you don't. | ||
| What I don't get is why that would be valid. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I get why these fucking social jihadis do it. | ||
| I don't get why normal people validate it ever. | ||
| Normal people. | ||
| It's outrageous to validate. | ||
| Normal people. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Anybody fucking going, yes, this needs to be addressed. | ||
| Amy, will you please take the floor and address this adult man that's not your child? | ||
| I think they have to do that because she's thought of as a feminist and she's thought of as a powerful woman. | ||
| Well, that's because to have a guy working for her. | ||
| I'm in the jurisdiction. | ||
| Dude, that's what the difference is. | ||
| Because Jay, I was talking about a Jay, because he's like, I never get in any. | ||
| Because we say, I'm like, I was in, now I'm in the jurisdiction of them, because I'm right These fucking people in this religion believe that's their, like, you serve at our pleasure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Okay. | ||
| And they, and they get validated whenever someone, and all these fucking dipshit liberals, okay, because I'm a liberal, dude. | ||
| All right, I don't know if I'm like the last of a fucking whatever, but they all just pandered. | ||
| They're like, well, it's for the best. | ||
| Don't stumble your brother. | ||
| Just, yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are liberals that feel the exact same way. | ||
| They don't feel like they're really liberals anymore because of the far left has taken over like this space of what you can and can't say to the point where you're like, really on the outs. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not one of those. | ||
| I don't get how they don't see Trump as their guy. | ||
| Like that part baffles me. | ||
| Like how do you even like just stench just based on his small hands and pettiness and like well I think it's hilarious that they shit on the ship. | ||
| He's on the first female president and then they tell you not to body shame all the shit on the president's hands. | ||
| It's one of the most ridiculous body shavings ever because they're not even that small. | ||
| I mean they're not like outrageously small hands. | ||
| So like when they say it over and over again just to fuck with him like you are clearly body shaming. | ||
| It's not like you'll if you're making fun of his hair that's an obvious joke right every you can't ignore it. | ||
| But the hands like you're really going after him if you're making fun of his hands. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, I can't believe people of course the whole thing. | |
| That's all it is. | ||
| Even like the hypocrisy with like if you see with like Weissen, it's like all these people were his best pal. | ||
| Oh yeah, he's God. | ||
| And then he was. | ||
| Am I supposed to fall for this puppet? | ||
| Like I'm sorry, punch beat Judy this time. | ||
| People crying, but like, do you fall? | ||
| Do you cry pro wrestling? | ||
| This couldn't be more of a. | ||
| They don't care, though. | ||
| It's about power. | ||
| That's the thing that I had to figure out where it's like you can prove a contradiction and be like, Meryl Streep just called him God. | ||
| She's in the front. | ||
| You do that. | ||
| You engage with people online like crazy. | ||
| You go after people online and insult them like crazy. | ||
| You just did it with Jeff. | ||
| You just started, though. | ||
| You can do it if you feel like you want to or if someone blocks you. | ||
| Yeah, if somebody blocks you on Twitter, that's not an assault on you, but you just go forward. | ||
| I didn't have enough information. | ||
| But think about what you're saying people shouldn't do and then think about what you do and they're very similar. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You can't be above it. | ||
| I didn't want to take his work or say he's a bad comic. | ||
| You can't be above it and in it. | ||
| That's his bottom line. | ||
| He can't be. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Everybody is just fucking attacking everybody. | ||
| It's like social war, like cannibalism going on there. | ||
| People shouldn't have been allowed to speak to me. | ||
| Kelston invited that. | ||
| They took Him out. | ||
| Like, you can't. | ||
| Look, they went after fucking Bruno Mars. | ||
| Cultural appropriation. | ||
| Bruno Mars. | ||
| What was the cultural appropriation? | ||
| Because they're saying he's incorporating black music. | ||
| He's half Filipino. | ||
| He's half Jewish. | ||
| It's one of the biggest videos on that. | ||
| You've got to be kidding me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Bruno Mars. | ||
| They're attacking Bruno Mars for cultural appropriation. | ||
| And a bunch of black artists are defending him. | ||
| Like, what in the fuck? | ||
| He's brown. | ||
| Look at his hair. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I mean, the whole thing is so ridiculous. | ||
| It's not like he's very much. | ||
| I've never heard of a brown guy getting that. | ||
| Dude, it's a new thing. | ||
| He's not brown enough. | ||
| He's not dark enough. | ||
| Not from Africa. | ||
| Whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| You can't be liberal enough. | ||
| We're going to get to like one state where some gender-fluid, transgender, like half-black hermaphrodite. | ||
| But they're not left-handed. | ||
| He's got right-hand privilege, bro. | ||
| Have you heard the other shit? | ||
| You know, a guy Bronham I had on Raze Wars who was like very funny and good on the show and like he had the worst philosophy. | ||
| I heard on Gnome's podcast, he talked about how the seller is like some white male club and it's not the seller's the most diverse. | ||
| You know, like if I had a writing in Cars or Comics, it would be very diverse because that's just who you hang out with. | ||
| I think that dude just talks a lot. | ||
| He says some shit that doesn't make any sense. | ||
| He went after me and who the fuck was he? | ||
| He was seemed very nice about it. | ||
| He took our conversation totally out of context. | ||
| We were talking about how many, when kids get molested, how many of those kids become molesters? | ||
| And we were trying to figure out like that is a real thing that does happen also where you get ingrained somehow or another into homosexual being aroused. | ||
| Homosexual aroused. | ||
| I hear of guys in prison having a, what do you call it? | ||
| Corruption. | ||
| A boner. | ||
| A boyfriend? | ||
| No, people get like, Yeah, but we're talking about like young people. | ||
| When young people are going through their development, if they get molested, it is entirely possible. | ||
| I saw 300. | ||
| But not even molested if they just have a sexual experience with a guy. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| No, you can shape somebody's entire fucking shape. | ||
| It's like a record. | ||
| He just put it out that he said a bunch of tweets about like us wondering, like two straight guys wondering how many gay guys became gay because they got fucked when they were kids. | ||
| Like, well, that's not what we said, but that is a study. | ||
| That's a weird study. | ||
| And so I printed the, I copy and pasted the URL for an actual study on that. | ||
| Like how many times people are molested and they wind up becoming homosexual or becoming a molester themselves. | ||
| Those are two real distinct possibilities when you completely disrupt a child's sexual cycle. | ||
| Who's saying it's bad? | ||
| I'm not making a joke. | ||
| Just to give play off of your name, though. | ||
| That's what that is. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because there's something that happens to people when they get sexually molested. | ||
| And most of it's really bad. | ||
| And hypersexuality is another one. | ||
| People become very sexual. | ||
| There's a lot of weird. | ||
| So we weren't in any way saying that gay people are only gay because of that. | ||
| I don't think it matters at all. | ||
| But it's been studied by scientists. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He don't give a shit about that. | ||
| It's just get his name attached to yours and get it. | ||
| That's why the seller thing. | ||
| I mean, I gladly would have him on my podcast. | ||
| It makes me more careful with what I say, though. | ||
| And I think that's the good thing about it. | ||
| So to leave, in the past, I've been way more careless with how I say things to think that it wouldn't be misconstrued, especially not weaponized. | ||
| Well, dude, apologies are not to the people that hate you because they want you dead and there's no it's for people that like you don't understand that don't understand that's what you apologize for the people that are against you are they're not comedy fans or fucking people but that's what you're learning too right so through this whole dark journey that you went on with all this bullshit you did learn that though so it's very valuable yeah no dude it's barry barry is very helpful to me and uh he's not just therapy but you going through all this and coming out on the other side uh the experience of doing it yeah | ||
| dude uh it made a lot of things that i kind of was told earlier that never made sense to me make a lot of like i remember last time i hung out patrice shit he said to me that i didn't understand the like kind of magnitude of what he was saying to me until then how so like what kind of stuff just about what a devil business this is and how easy you get fooled into the like brass ring it makes you a coward well they give you stuff to to let you know they could that's true but here's the thing i think that's less the case now and this is my case i think because | ||
| of the internet i think comics essentially have created a network of each other yeah that's exactly right think of the network of race wars or skeptic tank or donkey chussell family hour joey diaz is a church of what's happening now we're all in a network together dude i i learned uh uh that the main thing is that because i only really got work in his business because of comics it was not the industry of course but now but now this is really important more so than ever you can build your own thing yeah the network is a an organic network | ||
| instead of someone owning you or having a contract with you it's great they're like oh owen's fucking funny yeah like go see him oh gert's hilarious go see him you know make a special like and so then people listen to your podcast or they listen to your special oh this guy's fucking hilarious and we've told them the truth so many times that they believe and then the other thing about podcasts that i think is amazing and then just the internet in general with comics today is that everybody's supportive of each other when someone has a special coming out i see other people tweeting go check this out is | ||
| that right yeah all the time tommy segura is great about that so is ari but these people are you know nobody ever did that in the past there was no opportunity that i feel like if i like somebody's shit i kind of go out of my way to compliment to like balance out the amount of shit it's like bitcoin it's like decentralized currency now a little bit yeah it's a little bit and there's less of this golden ring so that the golden ring is just fucking acting okay that's what it is that's right and they confuse them and if it's not acting it's writing about acting it's just like writing the scripts of the complaints are casting complaints yes | ||
| not stand-up complaints it's not our world man the problem is we fuck up when we go to that world our world is inappropriate shit said behind closed doors making each other laugh i'm not a teacher i'm here to disrupt class i'm not here to help the class right we're we're in the green room doing mushrooms smoking pot drinking whiskey and then we go on stage and talk crazy shit this is our world our world is not the casting couch our world has nothing to do with auditions or this whole fucking acting like the the way actors talk to each | ||
| other and actors speak that's not our world we're not we're not me too in it we're not this is this is It's a different world. | ||
| We're the world trying to come up with shit that's funny so that people laugh because we like that. | ||
| One of the last things Barry said to me, because they want to take his special off of Louis site, which he wouldn't do, because Barry is like a stand-up dude that wouldn't go with the crowd's trendy horse shit. | ||
| He had principles. | ||
| But he's like, I'm so sick of the untalented hijacking of very real trauma to a lot of people to further their dumb career. | ||
| He's dead on about that. | ||
| It's people hijacking. | ||
| It's like people, because, you know, by the way, the stats on, when they go one in five people are rapes, okay, or women are raped. | ||
| I think that's probably just the amount of men that are raped and women could be double that, okay? | ||
| I think it's so prevalent just based on the people I know in my life, okay, that something happened to, it's weird for something not to have happened to you. | ||
| Did you see what Tim Dylan wrote about all this after the whole Louis thing went down? | ||
| Tim Dylan wrote a brilliant piece. | ||
| I think he wrote it on Facebook, but then he put it on Instagram and broke it up into pages so that you could keep turning through it. | ||
| But he's explaining how this is an opportunity for truly mediocre talent to chop down someone who was head and shoulders far better than them. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And they do so by claiming the moral hard ground, by virtue signaling, by going after him and attacking him and breaking down what he did. | ||
| Or you could tell people's character by who wanted to get their little kick in. | ||
| Because the same thing when I watched happen to me, I was, but, you know, a lot of my friends are my friends, man. | ||
| I'm lucky. | ||
| Like, I'm not. | ||
| I lost respect for a lot of people during this whole thing. | ||
| And I'll tell you who they are. | ||
| As soon as we shut this fucking show down, I got to end this. | ||
| It's already 319. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Can I plug me special? | ||
| Fuck yeah, Owen Benjamin. | ||
| As long as you promise to leave Anthony Jeselnik alone. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get it. | |
| Plug you special. | ||
| Hugepianist.com. | ||
| It's called How Dare Me. | ||
| Get it, Pianist, like he plays a fucking piano. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| All right, Sarah, go ahead. | ||
| Oh, I got an hour. | ||
| Oh, it's my website, hugepianist.com. | ||
| The name of it is How Dare Me, shot in my town that I live in. | ||
| I got an hour called White Precious on Comedy Central I made a while ago that people just now have seen. | ||
| So if you haven't seen it, see it. | ||
| I want to see it now. | ||
| When did they film this? | ||
| Dude, like fucking 2015? | ||
| And it's on Comedy Central. | ||
| Is it on Netflix or any of those places? | ||
| It's on Netflix. | ||
| It's probably pirated. | ||
| Yeah, go pirate it. | ||
| It's an album, too. | ||
| It's a CD. | ||
| Dude, I just realized you're like the Doug Stanhope of upstate New York. | ||
| You do stand-up in your town. | ||
| I do. | ||
| That's what Doug does. | ||
| That's what Doug does down in Bisbee. | ||
| Dude, a third of the whole population is. | ||
| There's fucking Yaakov Smirnoff. | ||
| It's his bransing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's a big Doug Paul Bunyan when you come to town. | |
| What a crazy checkered plaid fucking. | ||
| Well, you're the Stanhope, Arizona. | ||
| Dude, one in three people came to the taping. | ||
| Like, that's a lot. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Oh, I'm starting. | ||
| I do, because I moved here to LA, so I'm going to do a Racewars West Coast. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| So it'll be more double the. | ||
| We just got to see. | ||
| I didn't know you totally moved here. | ||
| When did you totally move here? | ||
| Don't tell anybody where you live. | ||
| A few months ago. | ||
| I'm still looking for you. | ||
| They're going to storm the fucking improv main room. | ||
| All right, that's it. | ||
| Goodbye, everybody. | ||
| Oh, thanks to everybody who came out this weekend. | ||
| We had a great time. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Folks, that was fun. | ||
| We're going to get through this. | ||
| I swear, humans, we're going to be better. | ||
| We're going to be better at being people. | ||
| Thank you to the sponsors. | ||
| Thanks to Squarespace. | ||
| Go build yourself the website of your motherfucking dreams with Squarespace. | ||
| Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. | ||
| And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Joe to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. | ||
| That's squarespace.com and enter the promo code Joe. | ||
| Thank you also to Square Cash. | ||
| Go and download the free Cash app at the App Store or Google Play Store. | ||
| Use the promo code JoeRogan, all one word, and $5 will go to you and $5 will go to Justin Wren's Fight for the Forgotten Charity. | ||
| And thanks also to stamps.com, one of the easiest, most reliable, and convenient ways to use the postal service. | ||
| Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and type in J-R-E. | ||
| That's stamps.com and enter J-R-E. | ||
| Ta-da. | ||
| We did it. | ||
| We got through today. | ||
| Yay. | ||
| Got a lot of shit going on, folks. | ||
| A lot of really fun podcasts. | ||
| So, until then, thank you. | ||
| Thanks for everybody. | ||
| Thank you, people tuning in. | ||
| Thank you, all the nice people that have been coming to the shows. | ||
| We've been having a lot of fun. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Thanks for now. | ||
| Love you. |
Export Selection