Nov. 21, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:18:49
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they're great. | |
| We got two of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that you could pick the front or the back. | |
| That's an interesting way to start the podcast. | ||
| Oh, wait, you can squirt it? | ||
| We're talking about these toilets that have built in... | ||
| It's not really a bidet. | ||
| It's more like a butt cleaner, right? | ||
| Bidets are kind of crude. | ||
| You ever use a bidet? | ||
| Is a bidet not a butt cleaner? | ||
| I thought that's what it was. | ||
| It is, but it's not good at it. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| This was good at it. | ||
| The stream of water was the perfect size and pressure. | ||
| And warmth. | ||
| And I have had, I mean, if you want to get into it right off the bat, I've had an anal orgasm before with a vibrator and only once in my life. | ||
| And that thing, I was like, if I stayed on here like 10 more minutes. | ||
| It could get you. | ||
| I think it could. | ||
| A lot of gals out there taking notes. | ||
| I was like, I think I just use diaper wipes in my butt. | ||
| Yeah, that's good too, but think about it. | ||
| If my beard, if I had shit smeared all over my beard, would that be cool with a diaper wipe and just going out in public? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Well, I mean, so the idea is to power wash it? | ||
| Yeah, that's what that thing does. | ||
| Power washing. | ||
| If I had shit in my face, though, I'd scrub it. | ||
| I would just take a full shower. | ||
| Full shower's the way to go. | ||
| I'll put my head in a tub of water for a little bit. | ||
| They're very smart with the bidet, and the bidet never caught on here in America. | ||
| They just went with paper, which is just... | ||
| Which gets caught in your butt, and it gets caught if you're a girl with not a neatly tucked vagina like most women. | ||
| It gets caught in there. | ||
| Yeah, and little pieces break off because it's soft. | ||
| Yeah, that's why I use Scott brand toilet paper instead of Charmin. | ||
| Everyone thinks I'm being cheap, and I'm like, no, I just don't want toilet paper stuck in my vagina. | ||
| Do you ever wipe your dick with toilet paper or not? | ||
| It's just your butthole. | ||
| No, I don't worry about that. | ||
| Even the drip? | ||
| What do you do with the drip? | ||
| Just drop it right back in the underwear. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Right back in the chamber. | ||
| Yeah, it's not a concern. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I've always wondered that. | ||
| Yeah, it's different. | ||
| I mean, girls, you know, it's obviously not as efficient a delivery method. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Well, you really got to be careful about the wiping front to back. | ||
| What do you guys know, right? | ||
| My young daughter got sick from that. | ||
| You have to learn the hard way. | ||
| Yeah, she didn't understand. | ||
| We were on vacation, actually, and she got sick from it. | ||
| Did she get a fever? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, she was only like, I want to say she was three or four. | |
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Yeah, she was really young. | ||
| Yeah, it's like, you know, you want to like, even if you tell them, it doesn't make sense to them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, back to front is the way you normally would go. | ||
| But then you gotta do it in your head. | ||
| You go that way. | ||
| Until your arms get longer, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and then you gotta lift your leg up. | ||
| I can reach all the way around now. | ||
| Do you wipe your ass with your leg up on the toilet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, I stand up to wipe my ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| I do leg up. | ||
| I like to get in there. | ||
| If you squat, though, you could get in the butthole area better. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| I always do a Captain Morgan stance to clean out the area. | ||
| Captain Morgan stance? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| He has... | ||
| Oh, on the rum? | ||
| Leg up on the barrel. | ||
| Because when you stand up, you've got to wipe and wipe and wipe and you're like, when is this going to end? | ||
| Yeah, well, that's why I think every toilet should really... | ||
| I mean, would it be hard to have one of those jet things in every toilet? | ||
| It doesn't seem that... | ||
| I don't think that's a big ask. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But my concern is so, like, if you're squirting and then, like, poop crumbles are coming out and they're going back down, like, could it ever then hit the thing that's squirting on me and then could poop squirt back up at me? | ||
| That's my main concern. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Well, there's bigger concerns in life, but that is one. | ||
| I mean, we're just specifically talking about toilet concerns, so that major one. | ||
| I don't think, because of the water pressure, I don't think the... | ||
| You would have to have, like, a log. | ||
| Like a chit... | ||
| I mean, it would have to just... | ||
| You'd have to be prairie dogging. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah, it would have to be, like, a cow patty. | ||
| I have a high-fiber diet. | ||
| Who's horny? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's good. | |
| That's good. | ||
| Anyway, we're sexperts. | ||
| Well, you're human. | ||
| Every human that has sex is in some way a sexpert. | ||
| Yeah, that's our platform because we don't know shit. | ||
| Yeah, we're not sexperts at all. | ||
| I said the other day to Corinne, what's the name of the hole that hugs the tampon? | ||
| She was like, wow, okay, Christina. | ||
| We did look it up. | ||
| Well, because people call the whole thing the vagina and that's inaccurate. | ||
| Vaginas are so complicated. | ||
| It's not the whole thing. | ||
| The whole thing is not a vagina. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's inaccurate. | ||
| Just the sex hole is the vagina. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| People call the whole thing the vagina, but that's not technically accurate. | ||
| So if the doors are closed and you're looking on the outside and you go, hey, that's a vagina. | ||
| I'm like, nope. | ||
| That's not technically correct. | ||
| That's my labia. | ||
| That's labia you're looking at there. | ||
| There's the church. | ||
| Here's the staple. | ||
| Open the doors and there's the click. | ||
| Well, let me tell you how I feel about it. | ||
| I think it's fucking gross. | ||
| The operation where they remove labial lips, that seems so goddamn crazy. | ||
| Labioplasty, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Somebody actually, because that doesn't do, your vagina is fully functioning and it works fine. | ||
| It's just aesthetic. | ||
| And then if you get that surgery and it goes awry, that's not good. | ||
| Somebody had emailed us once about, Dane Cook had a bit about like meaty pussy lips a while ago and she got labiaplasty because of that bit. | ||
| I was like, no! | ||
| Well, I like Dane Cook a lot, but I had talked about that because I was watching his special and I just put my hands over my face and I was like, this is not what we need at all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I was like, surely no one's going to do it because he said that it's a joke. | |
| He's a comic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But he's a cute comic, so then you're like, should I do it? | |
| Not me personally, I mean. | ||
| But it also desensitizes the area a lot. | ||
| Oh, I imagine. | ||
| You're cutting meat. | ||
| Stitching things back up and things get numb. | ||
| I had knee surgery and there's a slice down my knee that I had this knee operated on in 1994 and it's still numb. | ||
| Oh, whoa. | ||
| Yeah, the skin, like where they did what's called a patella tendon graft, where they cut a long slice, they took a piece of your patella, they pull that out, and then they stitch it inside the knee. | ||
| And that area in the front where they took the scar, like where the scar is, it's numb. | ||
| So there's just no nerve endings there? | ||
| I don't feel it. | ||
| It feels, noticeably different than the sides. | ||
| Like that one strip where the scar is is very different. | ||
| So imagine that's your pussy. | ||
| Yeah, I was like, imagine your pussy is your knee and that just, so what's the point of life? | ||
| What's the point of living? | ||
| Now I'm always just going to envision your knees as my pussy whenever I see you. | ||
| It's got the pussy knee. | ||
| It would be a big pussy too because it's quite a large opening. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Some pussies are big. | |
| And that's why babies come out. | ||
| Otherwise, you have to get C-sections, and then the baby doesn't get the proper vagina juices on the baby, and then they don't get the right amount of healthy bacteria. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| Now I know why there's a notepad here. | ||
| I'm taking notes on this. | ||
| Vagina juices. | ||
| Underline this. | ||
| They say that a baby born by cesarean section, especially elective cesarean section, it's actually unhealthy for the baby's immune system. | ||
| I thought you were going to say hotter. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Because your pussy stays the same. | ||
| So your face doesn't get smushed. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They're not mashed when they come out. | ||
| They don't look like they got a facelift. | ||
| Photo ready. | ||
| Facetuned. | ||
| We didn't know what facetuning was. | ||
| We've been in LA for like three days. | ||
| We've heard facetuning... | ||
| Five times? | ||
| You know how you can auto-tune Britney Spears' voice so it sounds listenable to the general public? | ||
| You can also do that to your fucking face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Okay, so it's an app, and then beyond filters, you actually can take your finger, and if I think my face looks too fat, I can smudge it in so that it's thinner. | ||
| But then you meet somebody in person, and they're like, oh, fatty? | ||
| All the celebrities do it, apparently. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| Not all of them. | ||
| Well, not you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Well, the weird ones do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| See, the thing is, like, if you're doing that and then someone meets you in person, like, that was the issue with, you know, the Kim Kardashian Mexico pictures. | ||
| You know, that's the whole thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Kim Kardashian... | ||
| I can imagine. | ||
| I love that you're up on this, though. | ||
| She brings... | ||
| I am. | ||
| I'm such a bitch. | ||
| Kim Kardashian brings photographers with her and they pretend that she's getting paparazzi'd. | ||
| But it's really, she hires these people, then they take the photos, and then they doctor the photos, they photoshop them, and then they release them as candid photos. | ||
| Well, she went down to Mexico and some real paparazzi were there. | ||
| Some real unpaid ones, and they got un-retouched ass shots, and it is a monster. | ||
| Oh, this cellulite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Well, it's not cellulite. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| It's fat taken out of her body and stuffed into her ass to give her this diaper look. | ||
| It sounds like she's wearing a diaper. | ||
| It's a meat diaper. | ||
| And you don't realize how gross it looks until you see it in real life. | ||
| I've seen one of those in real life, and it's chaotic. | ||
| And I've only seen them with pants on. | ||
| I haven't seen them naked. | ||
| But I saw one, and I was like, what in the fuck are you doing to your body? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| It's chaos. | ||
| Because you're sucking fat out of your sides and your inner thigh and all this. | ||
| Like, look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| What in the fuck is that? | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| That's a diaper. | ||
| I gotta say, I don't think it looks that bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, you're crazy. | |
| Find the Mexico pictures, because there was paparazzi pictures of her walking on the beach. | ||
| See, that's not even the bad ones. | ||
| This makes me like her more. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because she's not perfect. | ||
| This humanizes her. | ||
| Okay, but wait a minute. | ||
| She's projecting a fake perfection, and that's her business. | ||
| And anyone who thinks Kim Kardashian is actually perfect is ridiculous. | ||
| Or young and impressionable. | ||
| And people who are held up to way higher standards, you look at that and you go, oh my god, how can I be like that? | ||
| It's not celebrities' job to be role models, though. | ||
| I mean, especially, it's a parent's job or guardian's job to step in and be like, maybe Ruth Bader Ginsburg, you ever heard of her? | ||
| Well, that's true, but here's the reality is, if you're a little kid and you're paying attention to online stuff without supervision and you're hanging out with friends at school, you're going to be affected by this, because this woman makes hundreds of millions of dollars, she's super glamour, she's on television, and you find out that she got fat stuffed into her ass to make that thing. | ||
| It's annoying because she cheated, kind of. | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| It's like, well, if you're projecting this image of perfection, and then it's like, well, that's not really... | ||
| That's a lot of work to get the paparazzi that you hire to then edit it and then put it out like, ah, she's casually on the beach. | ||
| In her defense, it's a business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| I mean, her business is this, you know, looking... | ||
| I mean, I don't even know what her voice sounds like, right? | ||
| I do. | ||
| Sounds like this. | ||
| I would just play a clip of her saying a sentence to my child and be like, you know, it doesn't matter. | ||
| It does, though. | ||
| You could say that, but if you're a 16-year-old girl, and you see her on television, you see her being popular... | ||
| I was a 16-year-old girl at one time, and there certainly were people who looked hotter, but I still turned out okay. | ||
| I don't, by any means, have a perfect 10 body. | ||
| But she has confidence. | ||
| I truly love myself and my unbothered body. | ||
| I don't have any problems with it. | ||
| And I still ingested a lot of this kind of fluffy pop culture. | ||
| I actually love pop culture. | ||
| It's one of my favorite things. | ||
| It's just inane information about something. | ||
| Right, but this is a different kind of pop culture, because this is pop culture that is famous for just being famous. | ||
| This is what I would call Instagram culture, like these Instagram models and everything. | ||
| You do have to be careful about that, because even I find myself at 32 flipping through Instagram and going like, wow, there's a lot of work to do. | ||
| There was some dude, I don't know who he was, some black guy. | ||
| I don't know who he was. | ||
| He just was some funny dude who had this video post about Instagram girls saying, I want to thank all my fans. | ||
| He goes, yo, listen, you don't have fans. | ||
| I'm just a pervert. | ||
| I'm not your fan. | ||
| And he goes, and if you keep showing pictures of your ass, I'll keep looking because I like that shit. | ||
| So stop pretending that you've got some talent and you've got a bunch of people who love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's uncomfortable. | |
| That's so uncomfortable. | ||
| You don't need talent to have fans though, sadly. | ||
| You just gotta be hot. | ||
| There are people who I'm just fans of their ass. | ||
| I don't have a problem. | ||
| Are you not fans of anyone's ass? | ||
| Or bodies? | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I'm a fan of looking at Kim Kardashian, and I have no problem with saying that. | ||
| I enjoy looking at her. | ||
| Yeah, but what he said was funny. | ||
| That's what my point was when she was pointing it out. | ||
| You're like, well, let's go break it down specifically. | ||
| Yeah, don't put me on this hierarchy of a fan. | ||
| I'm down here jerking off to you in my bedroom. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a fan of certain musicians. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| I don't follow you around. | ||
| Although some people do. | ||
| But yeah, no, Corinne was always very naturally confident. | ||
| She's the only person I know that's a woman that is actually confident. | ||
| We must know someone else. | ||
| Do we? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so sad! | |
| No, just like, the way you are confident is very unique. | ||
| Because she truly doesn't give a shit. | ||
| It's my only talent, really. | ||
| And everyone comes up to me and they're like, is Corinne? | ||
| Corinne's like really insecure, right? | ||
| I'm like, she's honestly not. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| That's very nice of you. | ||
| Are you confident? | ||
| Are you insecure? | ||
| What's your insecurities? | ||
| I'm pretty confident, I guess. | ||
| But everyone's insecure a little. | ||
| A little bit, yeah. | ||
| It's part of being a human. | ||
| You worry about your own mortality. | ||
| You worry about all sorts of things. | ||
| I like that we're going to die. | ||
| I'm constantly worried about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Constantly. | ||
| People are worried about everything. | ||
| You're worried about your health, you're worried about your social status, your position in society, your friends. | ||
| Worrying about your health isn't insecurity, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's just, I mean, you're so insecure. | |
| Security, like, it's a broad definition, isn't it? | ||
| If you think of insecurity, what do you think of? | ||
| Just, like, how people perceive you that don't know you? | ||
| I think it's, you know, constantly trying to make up for something that you feel like you're lacking in, like an area you're lacking in. | ||
| So a lot of people aren't confident in their intelligence, their, how funny, you know, whatever occupation you are, that you're not the best in it. | ||
| I mean, I constantly think I have things to work on. | ||
| I'll never be satisfied until I'm the best, which will never happen. | ||
| So it's just a constant loop. | ||
| The best at? | ||
| Anything. | ||
| Existing. | ||
| Anything I want to do, I want to try to do. | ||
| And I try not to do things if I don't think that I can excel in them. | ||
| Which is why I don't have fun. | ||
| It's so true, though. | ||
| It's very true. | ||
| You don't have any fun? | ||
| We did go to Universal Studios yesterday. | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| What do you mean by you don't have any fun? | ||
| I mean, I don't like fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, I have a bit about how I don't like fun, and I don't know. | ||
| I like working. | ||
| As opposed to fun. | ||
| Like, just frivolous fun if I feel like it's, like, a waste of, like, just hanging out. | ||
| I have a hard time just, like, hanging out. | ||
| Yeah, like, a hard time relaxing. | ||
| If we're not doing something. | ||
| That's why I like hanging out with Christina, because she's my friend, but we're also getting work done at the same time. | ||
| Like, when we were in Universal, we were in line, we were creating the intro for the show last night, and we were always working. | ||
| Oh, that's cool. | ||
| But then I discovered Psychedelics, and I feel like that's the release that I need. | ||
| So you don't enjoy recreational activities? | ||
| You don't want to go fishing or whitewater rafting? | ||
| That's athletic, so I feel like that is productive because I'm making my body stronger. | ||
| So I do like stuff like that. | ||
| But it's very analytical. | ||
| There has to be a purpose to it. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not fun! | ||
| I mean, I like skiing, but it's because I was like, I'm doing something, I'm learning a new skill, I'm getting exercise. | ||
| Yeah, no one's ever like, oh, Corinne, I want to party with that girl. | ||
| No, yeah, no one, I mean, gosh, I mean, unless I'm drinking, which... | ||
| Or, yeah, like DMT or some shit. | ||
| Yeah, then that's super fun. | ||
| She's so sweet when she's drunk, it's so weird, because she, like, gives you compliments, and you never hear a compliment from her, and she's like, you, like, look really good tonight, Christine. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| Bitch, you wasted. | ||
| You always look good, though. | ||
| I think it's important to space out compliments so that they're really powerful. | ||
| Space them out. | ||
| Yeah, when you give them out. | ||
| Ration them. | ||
| Yes, yes, yes, exactly. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| You seem interesting. | ||
| Wait, what is going on in your head right now? | ||
| Nothing, just trying to figure out why, you know... | ||
| Like why you would eschew fun. | ||
| I mean, it's not a bad thing. | ||
| It's great that you're going to get more work done. | ||
| But has it served you well? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| We're sitting here. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| You guys have a great name for a podcast, by the way. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I use you guys as an example all the time. | ||
| And when you do, people email us, they tweet us, and we go up like 10 positions in the podcast charts. | ||
| I'm like, God damn. | ||
| I know my manager was like, the Rogan bump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, yeah, we make you. | |
| Well, I use you guys as a great example of people that didn't have like a big social media profile or a big, you weren't on big TV shows, but your podcast shot up because it's good. | ||
| Because it's fun. | ||
| I like how you guys banter with each other, too. | ||
| You almost finish each other's sentences, and you almost talk over each other, but you don't. | ||
| It's like you have a thought, and you'll interject with your thought while you're having a thought, and then you pick up your thought right after her. | ||
| It's like you guys have a weird... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We've been working together for many years before the podcast, so I think... | ||
| And there was a lot of episodes of Guys We Fuck that I would have to go back and listen to and be very embarrassed by how many times I interrupted the fucking guest or her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard, right? | ||
| When you're enthusiastic and you want to talk and someone's talking and you don't know when to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have a secret twin language. | ||
| We do. | ||
| We've said, like, the same sentence, a long sentence at the same time. | ||
| It is very creepy. | ||
| We'll talk with our eyes when we're doing, like, a live show and know exactly what the next thing we need to do is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, when you say you guys worked together before you did the podcast, what did you do? | ||
| Our comedy deal was called Sorry About Last Night. | ||
| So we did stand-up shows we would produce. | ||
| We did a two-woman show at UCB. We would do sketches, video sketches, just shit. | ||
| Anything we thought was funny. | ||
| And this was one of the... | ||
| The impetus for the podcast was a breakup. | ||
| Corinne got dumped in a Panera Bread. | ||
| And it was like... | ||
| The worst I've ever seen anybody handle a breakup meeting. | ||
| It really took a toll on her. | ||
| Well, it's not good. | ||
| She doesn't show a lot of emotion, so to see her cry, I was like, oh, shit. | ||
| And then one day she texts me. | ||
| She's like, we should just interview every guy we've ever fucked. | ||
| We'll do it on a podcast, which is called Guys We Fucked. | ||
| And I was like, yeah, actually. | ||
| Yeah, that's good. | ||
| I like how you call it an anti-slut-shaming podcast, too. | ||
| That was my addition. | ||
| That needs to stop. | ||
| It's a ridiculous thing. | ||
| I'm glad you agree. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| And also, you need to stop slut-shaming yourself. | ||
| I think a lot of people do that to themselves. | ||
| And I gotta say, like, I feel like Guys We Fucked is the female Viagra because it gets women have written us like, I want to go out and have sex because now I know how to communicate what I want. | ||
| I know it's not weird to say what I want. | ||
| I'm not a slut if I sleep with somebody on the first date or have a one-night stand. | ||
| It's like, that's really cool. | ||
| Well, I think this country, we still have the echoes of the Puritans that landed here. | ||
| I mean, there's some weird sexual... | ||
| There's some weird way that we have of viewing sex that I think is directly connected to the original way this country was founded. | ||
| There's like some serious prudishness that exists in America that doesn't exist in other places. | ||
| And some people think it's a good thing because they think that we get more work done because of it. | ||
| That our society is more geared towards productivity and getting ahead as opposed to some societies that don't... | ||
| But if you stifle a part of yourself, though, that's going to come out somehow. | ||
| And that's why people sexually assault. | ||
| I was going to say, the repression, I think, is why people act out sexually. | ||
| Because any religion that represses people, it's like, you're going to explode one day. | ||
| It's Catholicism. | ||
| I mean, it's the classic example. | ||
| If there was as many people in NASCAR that fucked kids as Catholic priests, how quick would they shut down NASCAR? Yes, very quickly. | ||
| Like, religion is so controlling. | ||
| But you can watch documentary after documentary. | ||
| Do you know the whole story about Ratzinger, who was the last pope? | ||
| He was wanted for crimes against humanity. | ||
| I mean, this guy literally cannot leave Rome. | ||
| If he goes to certain places, he could be tried for crimes against humanity. | ||
| What he did when he was a bishop or whatever the fuck the position they call, he was taking priests that were molesting kids and covering it up and moving them to another parish. | ||
| He moved one priest to a place where he molested 100 deaf kids. | ||
| Oh, God damn! | ||
| Yeah, and this was 100% factual, proven, non-speculative. | ||
| I mean, he's responsible for moving these people. | ||
| And the number of Catholic priests, I mean, first of all, there's got to be some Catholic priests out there who are wonderful people, and I'm sorry you get lumped into this, but the sheer number of Catholic priests that have been involved in molesting kids, it's fucking stunning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's terrifying. | |
| Yeah, we had a guy emailed us that was in Boston and was molested by one of the priests and he got interviewed by that breaking piece about them. | ||
| One thing I've learned from doing Guys We Fuck, though, that really surprised me, I feel like 85% of the population has either been molested as children or raped or sexually assaulted in some way, like some big way, not just like groping. | ||
| And I had no idea it was that common. | ||
| And then I thought back, I'm like, shit. | ||
| One time I went to this doctor because I had to get blood work, so I picked a general doctor, and he was like, it was this old man, he's like, I'm gonna give you a breast exam. | ||
| I was like, huh? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And then I, and he went real slow with it. | ||
| And then I left, I put my shirt back on, and I left the doctor's office, and I was walking home, and I was like, wait a second. | ||
| Aw, goddammit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, how did I let that slide? | |
| Fuck! | ||
| And then it turned into a bit. | ||
| I was like, you ever been sexually assaulted but you didn't realize it until afterwards? | ||
| And then you're like, fuck! | ||
| Well, there's been a series of doctors that have been arrested for drugging their patients and then molesting them while they're under with hidden cameras. | ||
| Some patients had suspected it. | ||
| And so they had done the investigation and put hidden cameras and caught the doctors feeling them out. | ||
| Even caught doctors having sex with patients. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Why they were under. | ||
| These are things that I maybe just didn't need to know. | ||
| No, there's some fucking creeps out there. | ||
| People are, I mean, I know, because you're from Jersey as well, right? | ||
| I was born there, but I only lived there until I was seven. | ||
| Oh, okay, because I was like, my grandfather was in the hospital for cancer when that angel of death, I don't know if you heard about this doctor that was coming around, like, killing people, and we're pretty sure that's what happened. | ||
| Killed your grandfather? | ||
| Died, like, pretty abruptly, and it's like, I don't know, it's like, I'm actually, my mom's gonna kill me, and we're like, we're We're revealing it here! | ||
| But she had said something to me privately, and I guess it was just too upsetting. | ||
| You can't trust anybody is the main thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| It's not that you can't trust anybody. | ||
| It's like, you're going to run into so many people that if just, like we were talking before the podcast started about social media, about like one out of ten. | ||
| If you have nine people that are awesome, and then one out of ten is just a fucking creep, you get upset. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, goddammit. | ||
| It makes you want to stay off. | ||
| Now think about running into people. | ||
| How many hundreds of people you run into. | ||
| All it takes is one creep. | ||
| And so it's not that you can't trust people, it's just like you're gonna run into a certain amount of creeps just based on the numbers. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, because the majority of people are not sexual predators, are not giant pieces of shit, but the ones that are really stick out. | ||
| I think what you're talking about too is big too about the suppression. | ||
| I think the suppression, any sort of suppression of desires It fosters that sort of creepy behavior. | ||
| It builds up and it looks for some sort of an outlet and that outlet comes out in really weird ways. | ||
| I have a friend, Jim Norton. | ||
| He's pretty open about it. | ||
| He loves dominatrixes. | ||
| He gets he goes to them and all that kind of shit and one of the things that he tells me is that these ladies say that a giant percentage of their business is like really powerful CEOs button down men who have to like be in control all the time have to you know have a very rigid Profile that they're projecting to their company and that these guys love to get shit on, kicked in the balls, and they love to be told what to do. | ||
| Work hard, play hard. | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| There's a thing that's happening to people when you have to pretend to be something that you're not. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That's why you find a lot of, I'm Jewish, and so a lot of orthodox Jewish men are real. | ||
| There's a lot of hiring sex workers on the down low. | ||
| And a lot of, I mean, this is a very broad statement to make, but a lot of touching on the subway kind of behavior. | ||
| You just see it more. | ||
| Did you see that they're making sex robots? | ||
| That look really, they look like actual women. | ||
| I mean, you could tell it's a robot, but it looks very close. | ||
| And I was thinking, because women have, I think with women, they oppress themselves a lot with their own sexuality. | ||
| And I'm like, man, women are the ones that should be getting the sex dolls, because then we can feel what it's like to have sex without giving a shit what the person we're having sex with thinks. | ||
| Because it's a fucking doll. | ||
| And you could really go buck wild and let loose and be vulnerable. | ||
| Right, and if you can use a vibrator, you could use a robot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I would love a sex robot. | ||
| Would you let a robot take you in the butt? | ||
| Nah, in the butt. | ||
| I mean, that sounds dangerous. | ||
| Could the robot do foreplay? | ||
| I'd have to get one of those toilet seats and then maybe, yeah, I would. | ||
| These are dolls, though. | ||
| These are guys who choose dolls as their life partners. | ||
| I did an article about this once. | ||
| Oh, my. | ||
| Whatever you want to do. | ||
| When I wrote this article, this guy contacted me and he told me he had Oh, okay. | ||
| I see where you're coming from. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I see his point, too, though. | ||
| Imagine if you were just... | ||
| He has an insecurity and he didn't want to be vulnerable with a person because you're risking the rejection and that rejection hurts. | ||
| But I feel like in addition to the repression thing, though, I think masculinity... | ||
| I watched this documentary called The Mask I Live In on Netflix. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| And it points out these little things that little boys pick up. | ||
| Like, you know, I was at a pool with my friend one summer and this dad... | ||
| Was trying to get his son to jump in the pool and he was like, come on, don't be a girl, jump in the pool! | ||
| And then he jumped in. | ||
| But those little tiny things get in your head and it gets to the point where when you're a grown man, you feel like you deserve pussy or getting pussy or getting girls is going to make you up, you know, raising status. | ||
| And that's fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, it's also like a kind of a perpetuating cycle because if you're an idiot and you raise kids that are idiots, you know what I mean? | ||
| If your parents were dumb and they raised you, you might have some really shitty ideas in your head that you've got to iron out. | ||
| And sometimes it takes a lot of life experience to figure out what those are and how to get them out. | ||
| If you ever are self-aware of it. | ||
| I feel like people go through their whole lives and they never know. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of people you run into that are 70. Like I was watching this video on YouTube with this guy who looked like he was in his late 60s and he was giving some Asian guy a hard time on the bus and he was saying all this race. | ||
| Oh, I watched that. | ||
| I watched that too. | ||
| And I was like, Jesus Christ, this is an old guy. | ||
| This old guy. | ||
| He also seemed a little not... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Off. | |
| Yeah, he was a little mentally unstable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Off. | ||
| The night I saw that video, actually, there was a guy doing the same thing to a black... | ||
| I was at a Panera Bread, and there's this black guy who's working there. | ||
| What happens at a Panera Bread? | ||
| It's always at a Panera Bread. | ||
| We're trying to get them to sponsor our tour, honestly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| So we just buy gift cards instead and give them out as prizes at the show. | ||
| Break up some racism at Panera Bread. | ||
| No, but this guy, he wasn't old, but he was saying the N-word like very, I was like, I want to intervene, but he might stab me. | ||
| Was he saying it about someone? | ||
| To the employee. | ||
| And the employee was trying to brush it. | ||
| I'm like, oh, goddammit, that sucks. | ||
| And he was obviously, I don't know what the hell was up with him mentally, but he had some issues. | ||
| And he was talking to himself and smacking himself and pushing his chair over and picking it back up. | ||
| And I was like, you need to get the fuck out of here, man. | ||
| And then I kind of ran away. | ||
| I'm like, don't hit me. | ||
| But then he eventually left. | ||
| Yeah, there's that fine line. | ||
| When do you intervene if someone's mentally unstable? | ||
| You can't fix them. | ||
| You're not going to shame them. | ||
| They're talking to voices that aren't even talking to them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| So if you say, hey, you need to get the fuck out of here, then they decide to shoot you. | ||
| And then you're dead. | ||
| He realized that the guy wasn't there, like, all there, hopefully, and was like, this doesn't matter. | ||
| I feel like the Asian guy on the subway figured that out, too, right? | ||
| He was so chill. | ||
| Yeah, he was. | ||
| I've seen that a lot in New York City, though. | ||
| People that seem disturbed and then just going off on racist rants to people, to their faces. | ||
| I'm like, damn. | ||
| A lot of homophobic rants I've seen, too. | ||
| Like straight up to gay people? | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, again, people who are, as you say, off. | ||
| I mean, there was a guy not too long ago who just went up to the man sitting next to me and he was like, yo, I saw you looking at me. | ||
| You're looking at me. | ||
| I'm not like that. | ||
| I'm not going to fuck you. | ||
| And this young woman did step in very much like Christina. | ||
| And I'm kind of just thinking in my head, I love to step in, but that was Not when someone is mentally unstable. | ||
| We just all realized, like, okay, we're not going to take anything this person's saying to heart. | ||
| Subways are so weird because you're jamming that little thing with people and they know you can't get out. | ||
| And that feeling of vulnerability is always in the air. | ||
| And because of that, people that are fucked up will take advantage of that feeling. | ||
| It's also a great place for sexual assault. | ||
| Most of the sexual assaults I've experienced have been on the subway. | ||
| Just hard cocks, elbowing them away. | ||
| Stop by stop. | ||
| The worst is when you're on the subway late at night and there's not many people in the car and then you look up across from you and there's this guy with his hand down his pants and he's going to town on his dick and you're like, I want to die. | ||
| And you make eye contact with him and you're like, fuck. | ||
| Or when someone sits right next to you when there's absolutely no reason to do that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Man, yeah, a lot of shit happens on the subway. | ||
| I've seen people take a shit. | ||
| You saw someone take a shit on the subway? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Multiple times. | ||
| What happens? | ||
| Once on the platform. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just pull their pants down? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They just take a shit. | ||
| Early in the morning is bathroom usage time if you don't have a bathroom to go to on the subway. | ||
| So do they do it on the floor or do they do it over the edge? | ||
| On the floor. | ||
| On the floor. | ||
| They don't have that guy courtesy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| Yeah, they don't want to get hurt. | ||
| You talking about homeless people? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| I would say yes, but maybe one or two of them haven't been. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We're just in a hurry. | ||
| Or they drank caveman nitro and they had to go. | ||
| Like, I'm going to shit on the floor! | ||
| How many people have you seen shit on the floor? | ||
| Four. | ||
| Wow, even more than me. | ||
| I think I only saw two. | ||
| How many masturbators have you seen? | ||
| Ugh, endless. | ||
| It ruined my favorite McDonald's for me. | ||
| One time it ruined an audition. | ||
| This guy had like elephantitis of the dick. | ||
| His dick, he had sweatpants on, but it was like the size of that wooden box in his pants, and I'm like, no way. | ||
| And then he was like, I'm like, oh no. | ||
| Totally fucked up the audition. | ||
| In the pants or out of the pants? | ||
| In the pants, but his hands were outside of the pants. | ||
| So it might not have been real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| He was cradling it. | ||
| Was it real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was just doing a little jokey joke, so everyone thought he had a hard big cock. | |
| Maybe he was one of those YouTube pranksters. | ||
| Like, that was his thing. | ||
| Hey, if he was, great prankster. | ||
| Really thought... | ||
| Fucked you up for a couple years. | ||
| Yeah, fucked me up for a while. | ||
| It was just Sal from Impractical Jokers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And prosthetics. | ||
| Do you know that San Francisco, they have such a problem with people shitting on the streets, they have an app? | ||
| They have an app where you can find out where the human shit is and record it so you can avoid it. | ||
| Yeah, they have like piles of human shit. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| San Francisco is super duper liberal. | ||
| Almost to the point where they're like, they've created an issue. | ||
| They're like, let it be there. | ||
| They want to shit. | ||
| Well, it's like they're just super open-minded lefties. | ||
| That's where we invited the homeless man in San Francisco to do karaoke with us. | ||
| Oh, but it was the best night ever. | ||
| My brother lives there and he was like, stop doing that. | ||
| Is that where all the poop is? | ||
| Why is the rent so expensive there then? | ||
| Well, I think they're trying to combat that by shitting on the street. | ||
| That's a good tactic. | ||
| Get the elites to shit on the street. | ||
| But that's all poo areas that have been documented. | ||
| See, there's like a, I'm sure it's gotta be near the Tenderloin, right? | ||
| That's probably where a lot of people do their shitting. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I love San Francisco, by the way, but one of the things about them is that they're so progressive. | ||
| They're so hard left that they just tolerate homeless people in a really weird way. | ||
| Yeah, we didn't know that the homeless people in San Francisco tend to have a reputation of being aggressive, and we were at karaoke. | ||
| This is... | ||
| That was only before I took the wee cookie of doom, right? | ||
| The wee cookie of doom? | ||
| Did you get it from Joey Diaz? | ||
| No, I got it from a fan. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Did you do that? | ||
| I know, we've since learned. | ||
| But we were having karaoke. | ||
| It was after our show. | ||
| We were with her brother and the friends, and we were singing. | ||
| And it was just like a fun... | ||
| Really fun night. | ||
| And there was this homeless guy comes up outside and he's just like looking in like he wants to partake. | ||
| He was dancing on the street. | ||
| Yeah, he was like dancing to the music. | ||
| And it was like those scenes where, you know, everyone's having a fun, warm Christmas inside. | ||
| And then little Tommy's outside going... | ||
| And I was like, Corinne, we should... | ||
| And then Corinne like goes up and is like, come in. | ||
| You want to dance? | ||
| We bought him beers. | ||
| No, it went so well. | ||
| My brother reacted like you. | ||
| And then... | ||
| That did everybody else. | ||
| And then the magic... | ||
| Of the guys we fucked, Al's, brought him in. | ||
| We did buy him a couple beers and then later found out he was an alcoholic, but he was already drunk, so I was like, eh, this is not the day that he's gonna, you know, get back on the wagon. | ||
| And I asked him about him and his life, and, you know, when was the last time he hung out? | ||
| Like, I was just asking him about himself, and he seemed to, like, the way he was answering, it was like, no one ever asked me about me. | ||
| I'm like, ugh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| He said it was like the best night of his life, and then he did mildly grope Christina. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he did? | |
| Yeah, but, you know... | ||
| The weed cookie made you black out. | ||
| Again, I wasn't on the weed cookie at that point. | ||
| Shit, I really get groped a lot, and I don't know it. | ||
| But in that situation, it's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know, a grope for your service. | |
| Where did he grope me? | ||
| I love how I'm asking Corinne where and when I got grope. | ||
| Just like a slow release from the hug. | ||
| Normally when you hug, you release out. | ||
| You don't have to slide to release. | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| He was drunk, right? | ||
| So who knows if he even knew what he was... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| You're gonna dig your own grave there. | ||
| I didn't care. | ||
| But are you sure that that was what he did? | ||
| That he grabbed her tits? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty fluent in groping. | ||
| But she didn't know that. | ||
| She never knows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's been sexually assaulted millions of times and she doesn't realize it. | |
| Are you sure you have the same definitions as her? | ||
| Touching someone's breast without them wanting you to touch it is groping. | ||
| But it's tricky. | ||
| But if you have someone, you're holding them on the side and you release your hands. | ||
| No, I'm talking. | ||
| Did he touch your tits? | ||
| Listen, I'm not trying to have this guy lose his cameo on House of Cards. | ||
| It's fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just trying to figure out what he did. | |
| I let it go. | ||
| I think I remember. | ||
| I didn't even say anything. | ||
| And you're like, no, not the pussy. | ||
| Oh, he tried to grab your pussy. | ||
| See, I thought it was the breast, but it was an area, one of the no-no areas. | ||
| He got feely. | ||
| I do remember going, no, no, no. | ||
| Don't ruin yourself for me, please. | ||
| He got feely. | ||
| You guys were hanging out. | ||
| You had a few drinks, and he got feely. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, bitch. | |
| Yeah, but I didn't care. | ||
| I was happy that he had a good time and he was smiling. | ||
| He wasn't smiling because of that, hopefully. | ||
| Yeah, so there's like a spectrum for sexual assault, right? | ||
| Yes, there is. | ||
| There is, yeah. | ||
| There's like the casual, like, not quite touch your breath, but hey, you grabbed me right here. | ||
| This isn't a hug. | ||
| I mean, that's you using your hands as underwire, right? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Yeah, like under tit on your hands is not good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good to see you. | |
| But a hug, you can feel breasts on a hug. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can. | |
| That's normal. | ||
| Chest to chest hugs are good because hands move too good. | ||
| And then even though you can feel it with your chest. | ||
| Are you a hugger? | ||
| Everybody's a hugger. | ||
| I'm a hugger. | ||
| You're not a hugger? | ||
| She ain't a hugger. | ||
| You're an odd girl. | ||
| She is in a good way. | ||
| If I know them, I think it's strange to hug someone the first time you meet them without knowing anything about them. | ||
| We shook hands when I first met you, and I will now hug you on the way out if I'm allowed with your consent. | ||
| I would love to hug you. | ||
| Let's not get too consent-y here. | ||
| See, I was going for the hug, and I was like, I don't know what he's thinking. | ||
| I was comfortable until you just used your hands as underwire, so now I'm scared. | ||
| Or did this. | ||
| Well, I should tell you that I have very sensitive breasts, so I like hands. | ||
| So if you hug me, I don't really have sensitive breasts. | ||
| I'm just going to lick your face. | ||
| Andy Dick style? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I worked with Andy for five years. | ||
| We love Andy. | ||
| He's the only man that's ever jerked off in front of me. | ||
| Everyone has an Andy Dick story. | ||
| I just opened the door once in my trailer and he was jerking off. | ||
| Knocked on the door, let me in, let me in. | ||
| I opened the door and he was jerking off. | ||
| Oh, he was trying to get into your trailer. | ||
| I don't know what he was doing. | ||
| He was either being silly, which is Andy, or he was high as fuck, which is Andy, or he was looking to fuck me, which is also Andy. | ||
| It could have been a number of different things. | ||
| He's always said to me, Stephen and I, Stephen's my boyfriend, and we've met Andy, we've hung out with Andy a bunch, and And he'll say in front of Steven, like, when are you going to leave your boyfriend and come find something really funny in front of Steven? | ||
| And I fucking love it. | ||
| He's a funny dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he is. | |
| But he has no filter and he has no control. | ||
| And he wants to sometimes. | ||
| He did my podcast once and he was talking about being sober. | ||
| He's like, I'm sober now. | ||
| I'm really happy. | ||
| I go, so you're going to stay sober? | ||
| He goes... | ||
| We'll just have to see how it plays out. | ||
| It was, but it was also one of those things where you understand his mindset is not... | ||
| He's embraced his lack of control in some sort of strange way. | ||
| Instead of trying to reformulate the way he views the parameters that he establishes for him to have a healthy, happy life. | ||
| Because he was living in his ex-wife's shed. | ||
| He had a podcast called Shed Life or something like that. | ||
| Hey, turn it into a comedy thing, you know? | ||
| Turn your shit into... | ||
| The Shed Show. | ||
| That's what he called it. | ||
| The Shed Show. | ||
| His programming is great. | ||
| Did you also remember he had that reality TV show called The Ass-Sistant, which is to this day one of the funniest things I've ever seen. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| We, like, abused potential assistants. | ||
| You know, just funny physical... | ||
| Back in the days when people could, you know, just appreciate physical assault for what it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, let's go back to that time. | ||
| It's not the same with him. | ||
| Because he's so crazy and you know it going in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But still, if you're standing next to him and he just reaches over and grabs your tit, it's still wrong. | ||
| Of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I have a love for him in my heart that part of who he is is kind of like, you never know what he's going to do kind of thing. | ||
| To me, I don't have it in my head when I hang out with him. | ||
| I'm like, is he going to assault me? | ||
| I don't ever think that, but that's what I love about him is he's very unpredictable. | ||
| He's a sweet guy. | ||
| He really is a sweet guy. | ||
| He's super talented. | ||
| When we would do scenes together, I would have to redo the scene over and over again because I'd crack up. | ||
| It'd be a real problem. | ||
| He's really talented. | ||
| Well, the thing Yeah, when we met him, he was sober. | ||
| So we kind of went into it knowing sober Andy Dick. | ||
| And we actually met him at... | ||
| I mean, I think it's supposed to be called these days rehab facility. | ||
| It was a halfway house. | ||
| And we met him and he had just... | ||
| I reached out to his agent's assistant and he... | ||
| We randomly agreed to do our podcast. | ||
| We met him in the music room of his rehab facility. | ||
| And he told us the only reason that he agreed to do the podcast was because he learned in AA that as an alcoholic, he's been really selfish, wasted people's time, hurt people. | ||
| And so he said yes to doing Guys We Fucked because he was trying to make amends for all the bad he had done. | ||
| And I just thought that was really nice. | ||
| Like, what a nice reason to do something. | ||
| Right, but he didn't do any bad to you guys. | ||
| It sounds more like you wanted to be on your podcast because it's popular. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had no fucking idea what it was. | |
| This was a couple years ago, I promise you. | ||
| It was a karma thing. | ||
| I mean, yes, we aren't the people he hurt, but I think he was just trying to put good out into the universe. | ||
| And I really believed him, and that's not something I would normally believe. | ||
| Well, it was like a year and a half, two years ago when we interviewed him. | ||
| It was a while ago, yeah. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he's definitely had these moments of clarity. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was funny when he got fired from this movie recently for licking somebody. | ||
| And he said, uh, misconduct is my middle name. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| He's such a fucking character. | ||
| Sometimes I think about like, I have a monthly show that I run in New York City where my friend and I open it up as characters. | ||
| Nina and Simone were like prostitutes. | ||
| And we have a guy, this guy Will, comes up and he intros us every month. | ||
| And I'll smack his ass. | ||
| And I've been thinking lately, I'm like, shit. | ||
| Probably shouldn't do that, huh? | ||
| Did you ask him if it's okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's different. | |
| No, I didn't. | ||
| He didn't mind, or if he did, he didn't tell me. | ||
| I mean, we're friends. | ||
| Here's my take on it. | ||
| There's a difference between a girl doing it to a guy because a girl can't rape a guy. | ||
| You don't have a physical advantage over it. | ||
| Well, if you drug him, you can do anything to him. | ||
| If you drug them. | ||
| But smacking a guy in the ass is very different. | ||
| There are some women who are bigger than some men. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's very rare. | ||
| Those are outliers. | ||
| There's absolutely a physical... | ||
| For the most part, there's a difference between a girl doing something like that to a guy, and that's the difference. | ||
| Yeah, because you don't feel for your life. | ||
| It's the physical threat. | ||
| I had a buddy of mine who was sexually harassed by his boss, who was a woman, and he said it was super fucking disturbing, because he's kind of introverted, and his boss would grab his ass when he was getting coffee, and he'd go to the coffee machine, and she'd grab his ass, and he'd jolt, and he was really stunned and worried about being around her, and she would tease him about him being a prude. | ||
| He said it made it really uncomfortable, and he said, now I know what it's like to be a woman. | ||
| He was joking around about it. | ||
| Did he ever address it with her? | ||
| No, I think he quit. | ||
| He wound up quitting. | ||
| But it was a situation where it was like, you know, he was below her in the social food chain of the office. | ||
| Yeah, and she was taking advantage of that. | ||
| She could fire him and, you know, he wouldn't have any money and nobody would ever believe that she had done that to him. | ||
| There was no proof. | ||
| It was a weird sort of reversal of the dynamics. | ||
| And then that anxiety got created in his work environment. | ||
| I feel like with women, it's like little things happen throughout your life when you're a chick. | ||
| They don't make you feel unsafe. | ||
| It's just like, I just want to go to the goddamn grocery store. | ||
| Can you not go to me? | ||
| I just don't. | ||
| And then that all adds up, whether it's big things, little things. | ||
| Usually it's a combination of both. | ||
| And then that adds up to the feeling unsafeness. | ||
| And then you hear stories, and then you're like, oh, fuck. | ||
| Well, the Cosby thing freaked so many fucking people out, but I know a bunch of girls who've been drugged. | ||
| I know a bunch of girls who have been at a bar and then had a drink that someone gave them and then all of a sudden their legs start giving out and they don't know what's going on. | ||
| Oh, I've been roofied as far as roofied. | ||
| You've been roofied? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It ended there, though, but yeah. | ||
| When did this happen? | ||
| My friends were with me. | ||
| I was at my own birthday party, maybe when I was like 25, in that year, 24, 25. And my friends pushed me in a cab because they just thought I was blackout drunk, but I really had been roofied. | ||
| That person's since committed suicide. | ||
| The person who roofied you? | ||
| Yeah, I'm not mad. | ||
| I knew who it was. | ||
| I'm not mad about it. | ||
| People are like, aren't you angry? | ||
| I'm like, no, that person had demons so much bigger than me getting roofied. | ||
| And I'm so thankful that nothing happened to me. | ||
| I feel, honestly, if that's being a woman, when you get roofied and you don't get raped, I feel lucky. | ||
| And that's being a woman. | ||
| It's weird to feel lucky that I've never been raped. | ||
| It is. | ||
| But we both feel really lucky. | ||
| Because we hear about it. | ||
| I mean, now the public is hearing about it how often it happens in Hollywood, which a lot of us already knew. | ||
| But it happens in every economic status, every class of people, every eight. | ||
| It happens so much. | ||
| I mean, it's to the point where a couple times on our podcast I've said, statistically there has to be rapists listening to us. | ||
| Somebody listening to us has raped somebody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| So fucking sick of hearing of what I hear from the victims all goddamn day. | ||
| And it doesn't help me get to the bottom of why this is happening. | ||
| And so I'm like, if you're a rapist, make a fake email and email us. | ||
| Because help me understand this. | ||
| Because I think about it all the time. | ||
| Because we are constantly getting really horrible, heartbreaking emails about it. | ||
| And we've had a couple of guys email us. | ||
| One guy... | ||
| He said he was really sick and tired of seeing other men be douchebags to women, lie to women, and then they'd get laid. | ||
| And by the time he turned 30, he said he broke and he started putting ads on Craigslist and then would rape the women and he still does it. | ||
| But I'm like, the problem there is you felt entitled to a woman, okay? | ||
| Because he was acting like an asshole. | ||
| That has nothing to do with you. | ||
| So I think that entitlement thing is an important building block in why people do this. | ||
| Well, people start... | ||
| One thing that does happen that I've seen with men as they get older is they start to associate women with pain because they get rejected. | ||
| And because they try to hit on girls, and they get shit on, and they get rejected, and they get angry. | ||
| And then there's this antagonistic relationship between women and them. | ||
| They look at women as the enemy. | ||
| And then they look at women as the cause of emotional pain, and then they start to insult them and say nasty shit to them. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| I've seen it happen with guys where they start off kind of like carefree, and then as they get into their 30s, and then they start getting more shitty, and then they get closer to 40. Whoa, so you've seen the arc. | ||
| I've seen the arc. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I've seen it in a couple guys. | ||
| Are they your friends? | ||
| No, not anymore, for sure. | ||
| I was going to ask if you've ever talked to them about that, because one thing I think would help is if dudes were like, hey, don't do that. | ||
| Well, one of the reasons why I'm not friends with one guy in particular is because of an extreme lack of awareness that became more and more apparent as he got older, where you couldn't talk to him about things. | ||
| And if you can't talk to someone about things, if they're doing something wrong, then they're not going to ever learn. | ||
| And if they're not going to ever learn and grow, you're always going to have this weird blockade whenever you talk to them. | ||
| I hate that, yeah. | ||
| You can't talk to those people. | ||
| So it's good you're not friends with them. | ||
| Because that's what he should learn. | ||
| Hopefully, if his friends continue to do that, and he's like, wait, why the fuck? | ||
| Where'd everybody go? | ||
| Some people have deep-seated trenches, these defense mechanisms that they just fall right into every time, and it's almost like they can't stay on the edges. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And for whatever psychological reason, I mean, I'm not a psychologist. | ||
| I don't know what's causing it, but there's a lot of men that I think, as time goes on, and they get, maybe they're not attractive, maybe they're not successful, maybe it's both, but as time goes on, they get more and more resentful and angry about women. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes, man, we meet men that are, you know, and it's not often, but you meet them and you're like, you hate women. | ||
| Dude, you hate women. | ||
| And a lot of times, I've been doing this lately, when we get like shitty things said to us on Twitter, I'll respond back with like, you know, with a really nice thing to say, like a compliment, and then it'll like break them down and be like, oh, that's pretty funny. | ||
| And I'm like, okay. | ||
| To me, when I see a man do that, when they do it to me personally, it's hard not to take it personal, but it's not a personal thing. | ||
| They're projecting what they feel. | ||
| Yeah, but they do that to men, too. | ||
| They do that to me all the time, and they're doing it because they just want to get a reaction out of you. | ||
| One of the best ways to get a reaction out of you is to make you feel bad. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| If they say something nice to you, and you don't respond, then you go, okay, well, let me try. | ||
| Oh, I just retweeted. | ||
| It's a narcissist. | ||
| I wanted to be honest. | ||
| Oh, I respond, Joe. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Can't respond to everybody, right? | ||
| But when guys do that to you, what are the flags? | ||
| They're just trying to say mean things. | ||
| Negging. | ||
| Call you a loser or whatever. | ||
| There's always someone who's trying to push a button. | ||
| But why do they do that? | ||
| This is the only reason. | ||
| Because they're losers. | ||
| There's no one who's like a happy, fulfilled person who hates on Twitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So true. | |
| Just who has the time to do that? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You're not doing anything with your life. | ||
| Go outside. | ||
| I mean, maybe you're like, I'm going to dedicate five minutes a day to being a cunt. | ||
| I'm just going to go online, I'm going to shit on people. | ||
| It's cunt time. | ||
| And then after cunt time's over, I'm going to just go water the garden and be nice to everybody. | ||
| That might be very cathartic. | ||
| Pet puppies. | ||
| You wouldn't do it. | ||
| Cunt time. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| People need to squeeze in some cuntime in their day. | ||
| I really think. | ||
| I like that idea. | ||
| Or like the social media version of a rage room where it's not really hurting anybody and it's no one's actual dishes you're breaking. | ||
| Someone just bought it in a thrift store. | ||
| And then you can let it out and then you can let your punching back. | ||
| John Ronson is one of the smartest people we've ever had the honor of talking to. | ||
| He's my super crush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love him. | |
| And he's like, when are we going to stop making people our plaything? | ||
| What was the quote? | ||
| Weak people are playthings? | ||
| Are playtoys? | ||
| This is another quote that I don't know about. | ||
| It's just evolutionary instinct. | ||
| It's an evolutionary instinct that exists in chickens. | ||
| I have chickens and one of the things you always hear about chickens is the thing called the pecking order. | ||
| That shit is real as fuck. | ||
| We have a big chicken coop. | ||
| We have 22 chickens. | ||
| And one of the things that happens is the chickens will find the smallest chicken and they fuck that chicken up. | ||
| And the other chickens will pile on and they'll chase the chicken around and peck it for no reason. | ||
| It's not like the chickens fed anything. | ||
| It's just the smallest chicken. | ||
| Does the chicken die? | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes chickens die and the other ones will peck at the hole and try to eat it. | ||
| Your bitches be crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're crazy. | |
| I'm terrified of birds. | ||
| It exists in dogs. | ||
| In dogs it exists. | ||
| There's the alpha and then there's the betas. | ||
| In wolf packs it exists. | ||
| I mean, it's just a normal thing about nature where when humans see someone who's weak, you have to work very hard to resist the urge to go... | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Get your shit together, pussy. | ||
| Stop fucking crying. | ||
| That instinct to be cruel to someone who's weak is genetically predisposing people. | ||
| It's a part of what made the genes of the stronger people... | ||
| Keep moving. | ||
| And the ones that were weak and they couldn't handle emotional stress and then they were shunned and they were pushed out of the community. | ||
| But what we're finding now with this new society that we live in where people are able to gather information and communicate and do things that don't even involve person-to-person contact is that these people who are introverts and these people that are shy and maybe even socially awkward or have a huge problem with confrontation and You would consider them weak. | ||
| They have a type of creativity that doesn't exist in the alphas. | ||
| They have a type of creativity and they have a perspective and maybe an introspective way of approaching things that is super valuable to like computer coding. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And to a lot of other things that you would normally think of as being – well, not even normally think of, but as – they're alternative methods of thinking. | ||
| And you would perceive that, an outgoing person would perceive that as like, what are you an idiot or something? | ||
| Well, they don't exist in the normal paradigm. | ||
| Like if you look at human societies up until like the last couple hundred years, you're dealing with people that have these hardworking jobs. | ||
| There's a few artists, musicians and painters and things along those lines. | ||
| But most of what you're doing, if you're not a crafts person, hard labor, very difficult jobs, There's no computer coding. | ||
| There's so many of these alternative positions as far as like the way the human mind works that were never available to someone who lived three, four, five hundred years ago. | ||
| So we're finding value. | ||
| We're finding value in different kinds of thinking, different people that are on the spectrum. | ||
| Asperger's and autism. | ||
| They're the smartest. | ||
| Well, they have a different sort of intelligence. | ||
| And we're looking at them as if there's something wrong with them. | ||
| Because they don't interact with people in the same way as most people do emotionally. | ||
| And sometimes they have a real difficult time finding emotional and social bonds with people. | ||
| But when it comes to numbers, when it comes to a lot of other things, some of these people, not all of them, but some of them, excel at those things in a way that a lot of people can't. | ||
| Aren't even capable of. | ||
| Yeah, that's one of the things they say about people in Silicon Valley that work in a lot of these jobs that involve computer coding and programming and things along the lines. | ||
| You have a giant percentage of the people that are on the spectrum. | ||
| Giant. | ||
| It might be like 90. My brother works there, but he is much more social than me. | ||
| You're not interacting with people a lot in that job. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Some people excel at that. | ||
| They want that. | ||
| I think we have to realize that if it was for the three of us, there would be no fucking cell phones. | ||
| If we were on a deserted island, we could live forever. | ||
| The three of us, we'd live forever. | ||
| We're on a deserted island. | ||
| We'd eat our own shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'd kill all the animals. | |
| I'd sunbathe. | ||
| And I'd show you how to kill animals, and maybe you guys could show me some emotional intelligence. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, we could talk about working on feelings. | ||
| I could make you a beautiful, like a mask for your face. | ||
| You'd have great skin. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| The urge to be cruel to someone who's weaker than you has to be resisted in any sort of comfortable society, and that's not reinforced enough. | ||
| That should be on a bumper sticker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is very true. | |
| That's not at all where I thought you were going with this. | ||
| I thought you were going to be like people who call people out in articles in Jezebel and broadly are really meek when you meet them in person. | ||
| That's what I thought that was going to do. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| And then I was following and I was like, that's not at all where he's going with this. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's also true, though, in my experience. | ||
| It is kind of true in a lot of ways. | ||
| But I think even what they're doing, like, I don't want to Mention anyone in particular, but there's one particular feminist writer that I know who will attack and go after women. | ||
| She's severely depressed and sad, and I know her. | ||
| She's all fucked up. | ||
| She's overweight, and she's unhappy and unhealthy. | ||
| Is she aware of that? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| She's got a mirror. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| Thank you for saying that. | ||
| Whether or not she revels in that awareness. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's more, I guess, what it is. | ||
| But a lot of these people that are calling people out... | ||
| Look, there's people that are calling people out that are doing a world of service because they're exposing real problematic behavior When I was talking about my friend who got sexually harassed by a woman, I don't experience that, okay? | ||
| I don't have a job where I have a boss who's a woman. | ||
| But if I was a woman and I had a boss who was a man who was trying to fuck me all the time, it would be hell. | ||
| What if you're worried you have to be a certain amount of flirtatious with this guy, a certain level, so that you can maintain your position or maybe even get a job, a better job or a promotion? | ||
| That's some real shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, it also plays, though, too, into, like, even in comedy, like when Corinne and I started comedy, I'm like, okay, I first made friends with older male comics because it was easier. | ||
| It's not that we wanted to fuck each other, but I at least had some currency in the flirting. | ||
| There was currency in that. | ||
| You could be friendly with them and they would enjoy that and they would talk to you. | ||
| You just need to find people who are willing to give you the time of day and a lot of times it's because they want to look at you. | ||
| But it's in a way that's not creepy. | ||
| They don't cross a line. | ||
| It's just like, we got our little flirty and that's okay. | ||
| You're just using each other. | ||
| They're using you to feel good and young and sexual and you're using them to get comedy pro-tipped. | ||
| Yeah, and none of us are being assholes to each other. | ||
| I mean, obviously we're talking about a bunch of different exchanges, but it doesn't always have to be negative either. | ||
| You can just be friendly with each other. | ||
| The last time I dated a female comedian, we were both 21. And it was when I was in Boston. | ||
| I was like, this is a terrible idea. | ||
| Yeah, I was gonna say, sounds like a... | ||
| We're both fucking crazy. | ||
| Sounds like the beginning of a bad rom-com. | ||
| Yeah, it doesn't work. | ||
| But I think one of the things that happens... | ||
| Oh, it can work. | ||
| I need a comedian. | ||
| Well, Tom Segura and Christina Pisysky are super happy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're both really funny. | ||
| Bonnie and Rich. | ||
| Rich, yeah. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| Natasha and Moshe. | ||
| They are a great couple. | ||
| We found three. | ||
| Out of thousands and thousands of failed interactions. | ||
| Corinne Fisher and James Myers. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good one as well. | ||
| Sometimes it works. | ||
| Sometimes it works. | ||
| I mean, look, I hate absolutes, right? | ||
| I hate never do this or never do that, unless you're saying, like, never eat babies, right? | ||
| That's a good absolute to have. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| Wait, no time. | ||
| But, like, also, too, with the flirting thing, I'm more comfortable. | ||
| There was a time where I look back, I'm like, I'm not friends with anybody. | ||
| Big female comedians. | ||
| It's only male because I feel more comfortable going up to the male because I feel like there's something of like, I have something to offer. | ||
| It's only flirting. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| I've been in a relationship as long as I've been doing stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if not, I would have probably fucked a lot of comics. | |
| Better this way, you know? | ||
| Probably now, for sure. | ||
| You don't owe anybody anything. | ||
| I know, it's great. | ||
| Going up to a woman, though. | ||
| Fuck people who are bad at comedy. | ||
| Not my boyfriend now. | ||
| Your boyfriend's good. | ||
| My boyfriend's good, but you know. | ||
| In the past. | ||
| My pussy could book a great open mic. | ||
| Yeah, it could. | ||
| But going up to a female comic, I'm like, what do I have to, why would she want to talk to me? | ||
| Because you're a human. | ||
| Why would men comics want to talk to me? | ||
| Well, you're looking at yourself as like... | ||
| Yeah, but you're like the shit! | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, I've been doing stand-up for a long time. | ||
| I've always had men friends that are comedians. | ||
| Men friends? | ||
| And women friends that are comedians, too. | ||
| I have female friends that are comedians that are on our same level that started in the same time as us. | ||
| But I remember when I asked Bonnie McFarlane to do the podcast, I was really nervous to approach her. | ||
| She was super sweet, and she was like, yeah... | ||
| She's so supportive of other women. | ||
| Constantly retweeting, just really championing women. | ||
| Did you like Women Aren't Funny, her documentary? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I liked it a lot. | ||
| It's so funny. | ||
| And really raw. | ||
| She opened up about a lot of shit. | ||
| Yeah, a surprise. | ||
| No, I've known Bonnie forever. | ||
| We used to have the same manager. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, like 1998. Oh, I was like, was it mine? | ||
| Three or four or some shit like that a long-ass time ago. | ||
| She's wonderful. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| But it's a different animal when you're a woman, you know? | ||
| And I think that's one of the things that Eliza brought up when she was talking about this whole Louis C.K. thing. | ||
| She was talking about how some men, especially when she first started, would treat her because she was just starting out. | ||
| She wasn't very good yet. | ||
| You know, she was... | ||
| And someone who is established and is better and really has their careers cooking, they will look at you like you are a lesser thing than them. | ||
| They don't look at you like a peer. | ||
| And I try to tell this to as many young comics as I can. | ||
| It is incredibly important that we look at all of us, all of us that are doing this thing as the same thing. | ||
| Somebody might be doing it for three days and someone might be doing it for 30 years, but we're all doing the same thing. | ||
| We're all in it together. | ||
| Yeah, so like doormen, like I'm super friendly with everybody who works. | ||
| The Comedy Store is a great example of that because everybody who works there is a comic. | ||
| The people who are the security are comics. | ||
| A lot of people that were managers were comics. | ||
| Bartenders are comics. | ||
| I know a lot of the people, like Josh Martin and Punky, they're fucking comics. | ||
| They even paid regulars and they still work the bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| That's cool. | ||
| So there's an intense community there. | ||
| I love the comedy store. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And you never get a place where you have pro shows every night and an indie show upstairs. | ||
| There's no place in New York that has one multiple rooms like that. | ||
| A couple do. | ||
| But the quality of the spectrum of comedians in terms of experience is so vast any night of the week there. | ||
| And it's so cool. | ||
| And it's really supportive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That is a super support. | ||
| And people that are not supportive, they get pushed out. | ||
| And I love that. | ||
| I think the comedy community in New York, too, is very supportive. | ||
| And we're very... | ||
| We give each other tags when we think of good... | ||
| And we just... | ||
| We talk about comedy. | ||
| We live and breathe it. | ||
| And we nerd out on it in the green rooms. | ||
| And we really are supportive. | ||
| And yeah, I like it. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Don't you guys think that now it's easier to do that too? | ||
| Because it's not like everyone's competing for a very small amount of spots. | ||
| Like it used to be like there was only so many spots on a sitcom. | ||
| There's only so many spots to host a late night show and everybody was like hyper competitive. | ||
| Yeah, now you can make your own opportunity. | ||
| You can create your own thing. | ||
| I mean, there's some examples of it. | ||
| Guys, we fucked one of them. | ||
| Broad City. | ||
| I love the story of Broad City. | ||
| Abby and Alana couldn't get on house teams. | ||
| They just kept getting rejected from house teams at UCB. They started working on this web series together. | ||
| It blew up. | ||
| I mean, the quality of the web series before it made it to air is phenomenal. | ||
| They just put a lot of hard work into it. | ||
| And they said, we're not going to take no for an answer. | ||
| And if this community that we've worked in so long is saying no, we're going to do it on our own. | ||
| And they did. | ||
| You can do that. | ||
| And also, one of the things is that, like, podcasters and people that do things online, they support other people that do things online. | ||
| Like, you never see someone from a show on CBS getting promoted from a show on NBC. It's super rare. | ||
| But in the world of podcasting, it's super common. | ||
| Like, everybody has everybody on their shows, and we always talk everybody up, and, hey, go see, she's playing here, and he's playing there, and you promote their dates, and it's a way more egalitarian, way more, like, supportive... | ||
| And it's a win-win for everybody. | ||
| Because it feels good to be supportive of people you respect and admire and who are talented. | ||
| And, you know, too, that's why I love stand-up, because you're the only one who's going to do your act. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So don't worry about the company. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| True. | ||
| But yeah, there's only one you. | ||
| And the people that are shitty to other comedians, they get... | ||
| If you're a comic and you don't have any comedian friends, that's a giant problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just started thinking of one famous person. | |
| Oh, you can think of a lot of famous ones. | ||
| I know some famous ones that come to the store and the door people get super bummed out because they just look past them. | ||
| They don't say hi to them. | ||
| They'll go straight to Bill Burr or straight to someone famous and only talk to them and they don't talk to regular folks. | ||
| I feel like too, but I've had interactions with famous comics. | ||
| Like the first one, the person was being a dick and just like looking down and I was being introduced by his friend and he was like, hey, how you doing? | ||
| And had sunglasses and doors. | ||
| I'm like, you're a dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, but then it was so LA. It was so LA. Barf all over your dick. | |
| Can you give me a name they rhyme with? | ||
| You're going to absolutely know who it is. | ||
| But then the second time we met him, couldn't have been nicer. | ||
| So sweet. | ||
| Maybe he was going through some weird shit. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You could run into someone at the wrong time. | ||
| Yeah, and I labeled him an asshole, though. | ||
| But he was going through some shit while showing pictures of himself to another person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that how you act out sometimes if you're having a bad day? | |
| You're like, look at this picture of me. | ||
| I just go right to naked photos. | ||
| Yeah, get those moods in, baby. | ||
| Yeah, only of my ass. | ||
| I just show them my ass. | ||
| That's what I do to fans. | ||
| Do you take nudes? | ||
| No. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I'm thinking of doing it now. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just from two seconds ago when she recommended it? | ||
| But just like a close-up of your butthole. | ||
| No dick pics? | ||
| Let's redefine the nude. | ||
| I don't have any that I need to show anybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, but have you ever taken one? | ||
| I don't need to see it. | ||
| I'm sure I've taken pictures of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Really? | ||
| Just because? | ||
| Well, it's because you have a camera. | ||
| It's good lighting. | ||
| If you're a dude and you have a camera, you start taking pictures of everything. | ||
| I never take pictures of my pussy. | ||
| I've never taken a picture of my pussy. | ||
| Sometimes I just need to check if you have a weird feeling down there and just make sure everything's okay. | ||
| It's your own doctor. | ||
| If I was a girl, I would definitely take pictures so I would really know what it looks like because otherwise you can't really see it. | ||
| You just squat over a mirror. | ||
| Yeah, or you're super flexible. | ||
| You'd have to get one of them. | ||
| Wrap around grips. | ||
| You gotta be a contortionist to see your own pussy. | ||
| I can see my own pussy from here. | ||
| Yeah, but you can't because we already discussed that. | ||
| You're seeing the labia. | ||
| Actually, pussy is the whole thing, right? | ||
| It's the hole that hugs the tampon. | ||
| The pussy would be the whole thing, I would say. | ||
| The vagina is just the hole that we're most concerned about. | ||
| The pussy is the house, but the vagina is like the living room. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| You could be wrong, you could be right, and I honestly don't know which one it is. | ||
| But, you know, that's why we're relatable. | ||
| Were you, when you started being sexually active when you were younger, were you like, a vagina? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do I, what do I even, what do I do? | |
| Because I kind of feel like men going into straight and by men that are going to be having sex with women, that's got to be confusing. | ||
| Because a dick, it's like, I don't know what to do with a dick. | ||
| Yeah, you already have one. | ||
| But also, as a woman who doesn't have a dick, I know what to do with it a little. | ||
| Well, guys share information with each other. | ||
| Do girls share information about what to do with dicks? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't know guys shared information. | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| Oh, because we've heard a lot of guys don't talk about it. | ||
| I'm like, why not? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| You're missing out on some tips. | ||
| What's some information you've gotten? | ||
| Well, you just start talking about, like, what do you do? | ||
| That's the first question. | ||
| Do you feel like you're 14 or 15 the first time you make it out with a girl? | ||
| Like, did she let your finger her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You gotta keep your fingernails clean. | ||
| Being fingered at 14 is the fucking worst. | ||
| It's just like jackhammer. | ||
| It's like someone's ringing a doorbell inside you. | ||
| And they're not clean. | ||
| Yeah, and there is no doorbell, but they don't know that. | ||
| You gotta pretend to, you know. | ||
| It sucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| Jackhammer fingers, man. | ||
| It's got to be better now than when we were young, and it's got to be better when we were young than when our parents were young. | ||
| That is very true. | ||
| And don't you think that's the same thing? | ||
| I mean, I think that's with everything. | ||
| I think one of the things that's going on right now, and one of the things with all this sexual assault stuff that's making the news, is that we're in the middle of a giant social change. | ||
| I feel that too. | ||
| And it's like a hurricane around us, and fucking... | ||
| Bathtubs and cows are flying through the air. | ||
| The truck's up there. | ||
| We're in the middle of it, and I think a lot of times you don't realize how much change has actually taken place. | ||
| But if you just try to look at comedy from the 1980s and look at comedy from now, what you can get away with then. | ||
| Go watch Eddie Murphy Raw. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you would never do that today. | ||
| Prior! | ||
| A lot of them had a lot of homophobic shit. | ||
| Well, Andrew Jace Clay would never fly today. | ||
| Maybe, because he was a character. | ||
| I don't know that that would work. | ||
| Yeah, he used to be Andrew Silverstein. | ||
| You know, Andrew Silverstein, he would do straight stand-up, and then he had a bunch of characters he would do. | ||
| And one of the characters he used to do was the Diceman. | ||
| And the Diceman, he'd put the jacket on, and he would do these nursery rhymes. | ||
| Yeah, Mary had a little lamb, fuck yourself. | ||
| He would just light a cigarette and then he became the Dice Man. | ||
| It's more comfortable to be that guy all the time. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| It's comfortable being a character. | ||
| I'm not... | ||
| My stage... | ||
| My bits are very... | ||
| Well, there's a lot of people that have done that and they got trapped. | ||
| Like, Emo Phillips got trapped. | ||
| Yes, I just watched a documentary, Dying Laughing, I think it was called. | ||
| It's a good one, yeah. | ||
| And I'm like, wait, is he like that or not? | ||
| I can't tell. | ||
| No, he's not like that. | ||
| Because I saw him when he stopped doing that. | ||
| He stopped doing that for a while, and then he went back to it. | ||
| Bobcat Goldthwait talked to me about it. | ||
| He talked about it on the podcast. | ||
| It was really hard for him to stop doing it. | ||
| Because everybody's like, hey man, do the Bobcat thing! | ||
| He's like, hey, fuck you. | ||
| I'm just a person. | ||
| I'm just going to do my stand-up. | ||
| And he's like, for a long time, it was really hard. | ||
| Oh, that would piss me off. | ||
| Yeah, because everybody wanted him to go, yeah! | ||
| That was his thing, you know, for the longest time. | ||
| And he just got older and was like, what the fuck am I doing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oops. | |
| And it was really funny when he was younger. | ||
| Yeah, it worked from then. | ||
| He just didn't want to do it anymore. | ||
| But if you have that character, like if you're in a character all the time, you get stuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it must be hard to perform and never feel like yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what I like about it. | ||
| And that's why the rejection stings that much more, because, like, you're rejecting my soul. | ||
| Yeah, you're rejecting you or what you're presenting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Then you really got to take a second and think. | ||
| I think, for sure, this is a tumultuous time of change. | ||
| And I think, ultimately, it's going to be very good. | ||
| But I think... | ||
| I got some weird ideas on it, though. | ||
| I really think that one of the things that holds us up is the ability to lie. | ||
| And I think that that's... | ||
| Is not forever. | ||
| I think the ability to lie, like, I think, I believe that we are, I don't know how many years away, whether it's 10 or 20, we're 20, whatever it is, years away of some Rosetta Stone of human interaction that takes place electronically. | ||
| I think they're going to figure out some way where we can teach children a language that's a universal language that's transmitted through computers or through some sort of a human internet interface, some sort of a neural interface. | ||
| They're working on hundreds of different versions of this right now. | ||
| They can already send thoughts back and forth to people from the internet. | ||
| They can send images to other people's minds. | ||
| One person can send an image of a triangle to your mind. | ||
| They can currently do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Currently. | |
| How? | ||
| They do it through some sort of electrical stimulation of various parts of the brain where you send a signal. | ||
| And that signal through your thoughts of this object. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| Like you have this idea. | ||
| Like say if you think of a bottle of water, like something really, a triangle. | ||
| Let's go back to that shape. | ||
| It's a very obvious symbol, right? | ||
| You know what it looks like. | ||
| I know what it looks like. | ||
| And if I can think of that, there is a pattern in my brain that I can transmit to you through this very rudimentary technology. | ||
| So I liken it to like a Morse code machine. | ||
| That's what they used to be able to communicate with. | ||
| That was as good as you get. | ||
| Now, obviously, you take a video on your phone, you send it to someone New Zealand, right? | ||
| We're in a different world, and it's not that far away. | ||
| I mean, you're talking about just a couple hundred years. | ||
| We've gone from the Morse code to sending a video to New Zealand in real time. | ||
| Well, have you ever heard of a Fisher-Wallace stimulator? | ||
| I've heard of that, yeah. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| So my mom has had depression most of her life, and she has been on 25 different meds. | ||
| It made her worse. | ||
| And a doctor prescribed a Fisher-Wallace stimulator. | ||
| It's just a little tiny machine with two pads or sponges. | ||
| You wet the sponges a little bit and you put them on your temples. | ||
| And she did it twice a day for about 20 minutes, and her fucking depression went away. | ||
| And I felt like I got my mom. | ||
| The meds would just make her so numb and emotionless, and that would depress her. | ||
| My whole life, I've been seeing her do these peaks and valleys, and that Fisher-Wallace stimulator, there's no side effects. | ||
| If anything, she gets a headache, but there's no mental side effects. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| How often does she have to do it? | ||
| She does it twice a day. | ||
| The only thing that I've noticed, I guess this is a side effect, it makes her a little bit hyper and not hungry. | ||
| Those are both bonuses. | ||
| But it is a miracle. | ||
| I'm trying to tell as many people about it, but I'm wondering if that's a similar type of technology. | ||
| What does it do to people that are already happy? | ||
| What if it'll make you fucking ecstatic? | ||
| I don't know, but that's what I was wondering. | ||
| I'm like, Maka, borrow that. | ||
| What if you slap that bitch on when you get on that Japanese toilet and get that hot water pumping up your clam? | ||
| Like a molly machine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Put those babies on. | ||
| I've got to go to the bathroom now. | ||
| That's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have an edible? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You just got to go light. | ||
| 20 milligrams. | ||
| A fan gave us a cookie in San Fran. | ||
| It was labeled, but I didn't know how much he ate and we had to go on a plane. | ||
| So I'm like, I'm going to throw this out. | ||
| It was at the end of a two-week tour. | ||
| We were doing two shows and I was so tired. | ||
| I'm like, I don't want to get held up on the plane. | ||
| So I took a little chunk. | ||
| I ate it. | ||
| And then it kicked in when we were at the gate. | ||
| And Corinne was like, I'm going to go get Starbucks. | ||
| Do you want anything? | ||
| I'm like, nah, I'm fine. | ||
| And then all of a sudden I'm like, no, I'm not fine. | ||
| And I texted Corinne. | ||
| I'm like, you're going to hate me, but I'm going to die soon. | ||
| And this is not okay. | ||
| And then I just started having a panic attack. | ||
| This is already someone who's not good at flying. | ||
| No, yeah, I would have panic attacks all the time. | ||
| And then I was bawling my eyes out and this little girl came up like two feet in front of me and she was like, We're good to go. | ||
| It was an anxiety tantrum. | ||
| And then, oh, getting on that plane, man. | ||
| I thought I was going to get kicked off that plane. | ||
| She almost did. | ||
| I think in 2017, I was like, she's not good at flying. | ||
| That doesn't fly anymore. | ||
| And the lady was like, does she need to get off? | ||
| And I was like, no, she's fine. | ||
| She's going to be fine. | ||
| We're going to get through this. | ||
| We're going to get back home. | ||
| How far was it flying? | ||
| That was from San Fran to New York, right? | ||
| That was all cross country. | ||
| When did you sober up? | ||
| An hour after I got home to my apartment. | ||
| She just put a blanket over her and I was like, that's the way we're going to handle that. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| You rode the storm. | ||
| I did and I survived. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| But yeah, the edibles fucked me up. | ||
| Well, they're just too goddamn strong. | ||
| Especially if you just try to eat a whole cookie. | ||
| That could have been hundreds of milligrams. | ||
| Well, I just took a little chunk of it. | ||
| It was a big ass cookie and I took a quarter of it. | ||
| Even if you just take a quarter. | ||
| But that's why I'm scared. | ||
| Like Corinda's psychedelics. | ||
| I feel like if you have anxiety, I have a lot of anxiety. | ||
| Probably not for me. | ||
| It's a different thing because the anxiety that you get from edible marijuana is very peculiar. | ||
| It's intensely introspective. | ||
| I don't love edibles either. | ||
| I much prefer mushrooms acid. | ||
| I did DMT recently. | ||
| I studied partially using your documentary, so thank you. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Thank you! | ||
| It was very important. | ||
| I mean, because that's scary shit. | ||
| You need to study. | ||
| Yeah, it's definitely not something you should take frivolously. | ||
| No, absolutely not. | ||
| I had it sitting on my table and I studied for like a good two months, watched a lot of stuff on the internet, read a lot about it, talked to people who had done it. | ||
| What's crazy is it's a natural part of human neurochemistry, that that exists, that your brain's making that stuff all the time, and then you can just extract it from a thousand different plants, and then you take it, smoke it, and then you meet Jesus and aliens and everything. | ||
| Have you met Jesus slash aliens? | ||
| You meet everything. | ||
| You meet things that are changing. | ||
| So whatever the fuck they were a second ago, they're not the same thing a second later. | ||
| It's pretty fucking intense. | ||
| Is that why you're such a curious person and you really try—has psychedelics made you—because some people, it really makes a positive shift in their consciousness and their curiosity. | ||
| I've seen it happen, and sometimes it goes the other way. | ||
| But is that—or were you always that kind of person? | ||
| I was always curious, but it made my curiosity, it confirmed the need for it. | ||
| When you do something like DMT, it is so profoundly bizarre that after it's over, you are so stunned at how few people know about this and how you didn't know about it until that happened and how you'll never be the same again. | ||
| Oh, you'll never be the same again? | ||
| No. | ||
| Wait, are you? | ||
| Do you feel that? | ||
| You're never going to be the same again because you know that's real. | ||
| You know that you could go through this... | ||
| Chemical portal to what's essentially another dimension. | ||
| It sounds like it. | ||
| Another dimension where you're interacting with ideas that seem to be sentient. | ||
| They seem to be alive. | ||
| You're being inundated with thoughts and words that come at you without a physical presence. | ||
| No one's saying a word, but if I said to you, hey, let's get a cup of coffee, that signal goes into your brain because you're hearing my words, you interpret them. | ||
| You get the same thing from these DMT states, but you don't actually hear the words, but you know what the words are. | ||
| It's fucking titanically bizarre. | ||
| Have you ever seen a healer, like a psychic healer? | ||
| Have you ever heard of psychic surgery? | ||
| I don't believe that. | ||
| So I okay, I don't like I never really talk about this because I don't I don't need people I'm not trying to convert anybody to believe in this shit, right? | ||
| But I've had psychic surgery once and I and my mom and I had so he this guy his name was dr. V and He did I did have my shirt off that you wake up Oh, God. | ||
| Is this another revelation of another sexual assault? | ||
| No. | ||
| I was conscious the whole time. | ||
| But my mom had breast tissue that was really hard in her breast because she had all these surgeries to get little tumors removed. | ||
| They weren't cancerous. | ||
| And it really hurt her. | ||
| If you touched her boob, it would hurt. | ||
| Okay, so this doctor... | ||
| He used to work for NASA, and he's Russian, and he's very mysterious. | ||
| Did you look into his background? | ||
| I tried to Google him, but I didn't have... | ||
| It didn't seem legit. | ||
| We were going into a tiny little apartment, and this old lady was answering, and she was like, come in. | ||
| I'm like, ugh. | ||
| But he didn't touch her, and he kept moving his hands like this, and he would do this like he was trying to get warm, and then he would flick it, and then he would circle around her boob and then... | ||
| Pull out like an imaginary thing. | ||
| And it was gone. | ||
| The heart tissue was gone. | ||
| It's the weirdest fucking thing. | ||
| And he did it to me with my knee. | ||
| It's the weirdest thing. | ||
| And I mean, it's like seeing a ghost. | ||
| You're like, I mean, that just happened. | ||
| That's undeniable. | ||
| Well, if you believe in it, your body can produce some pretty incredible results. | ||
| And that's what the power of suggestion is. | ||
| And that's what placebo effect is. | ||
| Placebo effect is 100% real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Totally. | |
| Totally. | ||
| But I didn't even know that psychic surgery was a thing before he actually did it. | ||
| I'm thinking he's not doing anything. | ||
| He's just getting you convinced that he's doing something. | ||
| And by him convincing you that he's doing something, you feel some sort of a positive response because your body reacts as if he's done something to you. | ||
| That's a service in and of itself. | ||
| I mean, I'll take it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| It is a service in and of itself, but it's also deceptive. | ||
| There's a weird thing that people do where there's a lot of weird healers where they do like Reiki and all this different shit. | ||
| There's no science behind it. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| But if you think that it's doing something to you, you can feel better. | ||
| What are your feelings on acupuncture? | ||
| I don't know anything. | ||
| You've never had it? | ||
| I've had it, but the guy was a quack. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| It doesn't mean it's not real. | ||
| I'm very skeptical, but I was working in a... | ||
| A receptionist at a spa was my day job while pursuing comedy, and there was an acupuncturist there, and I was like, let me try it. | ||
| I was in a really deep depression, and the mind-body connection, I gotta say... | ||
| And she's an MD. She's not just a person off the street. | ||
| This woman's an MD. Young woman, and it changed my life, and I hate to even say that I'm embarrassed to even be like, I have an acupuncturist! | ||
| It seems so hippy-dippy. | ||
| The mind-body connection is a misnomer, right? | ||
| Because your mind is a part of your body. | ||
| I mean, it's all one thing. | ||
| That's why one of the things with people who don't have healthy bodies... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Physicality, I think, yeah. | |
| But if you don't have a healthy body, your mind's not going to function at its best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You could be a brilliant person with an unhealthy body. | ||
| Oh, of course. | ||
| But you will be... | ||
| Better if your body functions well. | ||
| It's not giving you problems. | ||
| It's not causing you issues. | ||
| It's not a source of stress and concern. | ||
| And I think that what these people can do, there's a lot of different things that are not supported whatsoever by science. | ||
| And a lot of people that are very scientifically minded, they... | ||
| Shun those things and they think those things have zero benefit and they also put religion in that group as well and I think they're very similar in that if you believe in certain things like there was a thing that article recently by Robert Sapolsky who is a He's a professor at Stanford University, and we had him on the podcast. | ||
| We talked about primates, and he's a really, really fascinating guy. | ||
| He's got some amazing studies that he's done on baboons and primate behavior. | ||
| But one of the things he was talking about is the stress-relieving aspect of an actual religious belief. | ||
| So you could say that if you really do believe that everything is going to be fine because God's looking out for you, just that alone, whether or not it's real or scientifically verifiable, that proof, It's not necessary for you to feel good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I choose to be a positive person because that's my survival mechanism. | ||
| I wouldn't have made it through life without being positive. | ||
| Positive is one thing, but an actual belief that something is happening to your body that's not scientifically possible. | ||
| Like that someone can rub their hands and pull the bad juju out of your body. | ||
| But if you believe that, though, just the belief in that can trigger a lot of human neurochemistry that literally will make you feel better. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I can now, after that experience, that was a couple years ago, I can, if I lay on my bed and meditate, I don't really do that because I don't have time. | ||
| But I can, if I think really hard, I can make certain parts of my body have those pins and needle feeling. | ||
| Which I'm like, that's cool! | ||
| You should make the time. | ||
| You probably do have the time. | ||
| It's kind of cool. | ||
| Yeah, but it's weird. | ||
| People worry about the discipline of doing something like that. | ||
| It gets them concerned. | ||
| Like, I don't have time for that. | ||
| And they pushed it off because... | ||
| There's a weird way that human beings are programmed, that we avoid certain types of strenuous activity, avoid getting up early when you know you should. | ||
| There's a lot of things that we do where we go towards comfort and away from these uncomfortable feelings, and some of those uncomfortable feelings are just sitting alone meditating, just sitting alone concentrating on your breath for 20 minutes a day. | ||
| There's big benefits to that. | ||
| Yeah, and then you get down on yourself, and then that's stress, and then you're like, well, I'm just a piece of shit, and then you're in your room all day, and you're like, well, fuck that. | ||
| Then you go on the internet, and then you stay in your room for another week. | ||
| And then you read some bad comments. | ||
| And then you just masturbate with your tears. | ||
| No, you've got to not read the comments. | ||
| That's the key to life, not reading the comments. | ||
| Do you give a shit about the comments? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I don't read them. | ||
| I mean, I very rarely will glance through really quickly, but if I do it once a day, it's rare. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Sometimes I want to get pissed off, and then sometimes we just make fun of it because it's hilarious. | ||
| We've had men's rights activists write articles about us, like calling us cum dumpsters. | ||
| I love that because I didn't know the phrase cum dumpster before. | ||
| How did you make it to this part of life? | ||
| I don't know, but it felt like a gift. | ||
| How did you get this far? | ||
| I like it. | ||
| The first sentence in our book is, are you a degenerate cum dumpster, unworthy of love and affection? | ||
| Is that what somebody called you? | ||
| Unworthy of love and affection? | ||
| No, we said that. | ||
| We added that. | ||
| We sanded his cum dumpster. | ||
| If he said it, that's hilarious. | ||
| If he said that, that would have made it even better because then you would know how broken a person is to say something like that to you. | ||
| We had an inkling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We read the whole article and laughed. | |
| Yeah, it was fun. | ||
| But that's how, to me, that's the best feeling of taking control of the situation by reading it and then roasting them. | ||
| Because humor and intelligence is far greater than insulting people. | ||
| You guys don't say mean shit about men. | ||
| I mean, you're pretty honest. | ||
| No meaner than anyone else. | ||
| You're not negative. | ||
| You're not like anti-men women. | ||
| I mean, you rightly call people out for shit that they've done that's fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you guys aren't men haters. | ||
| We love men. | ||
| The show is called Guys We Fucked. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like Guys We Spit On. | ||
| It's called Guys We Fucked. | ||
| No, we love them. | ||
| Guys We Kicked In The Dick. | ||
| I love having sex with men. | ||
| I like how you guys say it too. | ||
| Guys We Fucked. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun to say it that way. | ||
| It's a fun podcast. | ||
| It's powerful. | ||
| But our definition of feminism is women can be pieces of shit too. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| And I think that for men, I think it's a good thing to be able to listen to women talk unfiltered. | ||
| And I don't think, and guys avoid that. | ||
| Like, I don't want to hear what these bitches have to say. | ||
| Like, you should listen. | ||
| That's exactly what they say. | ||
| You should listen. | ||
| And I'm not saying that you should listen because you have to agree with them. | ||
| But you will gain more of an understanding of how someone who is very different than you views maybe the exact same interaction. | ||
| And just that one look at another perspective might make you sit back and go, okay, maybe I need to look at it from their point of view. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| My favorite email is when a guy emails us. | ||
| He's like, I gotta be honest. | ||
| I listen to your podcast and I was expecting to jerk off and shit, but I actually learned something. | ||
| I'm like, bless you. | ||
| I love you. | ||
| I was expecting to jerk off and shit. | ||
| Sorry to disappoint you. | ||
| No, but I love that we, like, that's the best when you surprise somebody, I think. | ||
| And the name of the podcast is people are going to either go, that's hilarious or that's disgusting or what. | ||
| Whatever the reaction is, they're going to check it out. | ||
| And when they're surprised by what they hear, because it's not what they expected, it sticks, it's stronger. | ||
| Do you guys feel like the podcast has helped you understand yourselves and grow better? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, we had no choice but to grow. | ||
| When you're sitting down with people who you've had these intimate relationships, both emotional and sexual with, it's just like holding a mirror up to yourself. | ||
| And that was the concept. | ||
| The concept was kind of to do this podcast, much like John Cusack and High Fidelity, and just learn about yourself through these kind of human Yelp reviews. | ||
| Well, don't you think you also learn about yourself from conversations where you're not looking at your phone, you're not checking the internet, you're not watching television, just sitting there for hours communicating with each other, and that's a lost art. | ||
| It is, and we forget that the microphones are on. | ||
| We forget that we're talking all the time. | ||
| One of the things that's changed for me is I said on a podcast, and that was the first time I ever said it out loud, I was like, I really want to see my boyfriend fuck another woman, and I just want to masturbate to it. | ||
| He must have been like... | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Well, he edits the podcast, and he's like, hey, you want to tell me something? | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| The three-way thing? | ||
| You want to see me? | ||
| I'm like, oh, yeah. | ||
| And then we've had three ways, and it's brought us closer. | ||
| And it's so hot. | ||
| So I have a cuckolding fetish that I didn't even realize I had. | ||
| It's not cuckolding if you're a girl. | ||
| Well, it's cuckqueen. | ||
| Cuckqueen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what you guys call it? | |
| Sounds dumb. | ||
| Who says that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've never heard of that. | |
| No one, because it sucks. | ||
| That's what you type into Pornhub, but it's like... | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just because it's a chick, but it's queen, Q-U-E-A-N. It's just like, ka-queen! | ||
| It just sounds like... | ||
| Q-U-E-A-N? C-U-C-K-Q-U-E-A-N is ka-queen. | ||
| Don't Google it. | ||
| Jamie's got his hand on the computer right now. | ||
| No, come on, it'll be fun. | ||
| I always believe you. | ||
| Yes, cuckqueen. | ||
| Well, because I was looking up cuckold and I'm like, why the fuck can't I get shit? | ||
| And I'm like, this is all for men. | ||
| And then a dude emailed me. | ||
| He's like, just type in cuckqueen and it's fine. | ||
| I'm like, oh, okay, thanks. | ||
| Well, I think the cuckold thing, though, is like guys that are like emasculated. | ||
| Like some big black dude comes in with a giant horn. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And sends it to your wife and you cry in the corner. | ||
| And you jerk, that's your lube. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your tears. | ||
| And then one of them was like, at the end of it, the guy came in the other guy's mouth, and I was like, hey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Did that take you out of it? | ||
| That's another category. | ||
| It wasn't in it in the first place. | ||
| It was all strictly for research. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And at the end of it, I was like, who wrote this? | ||
| That poor guy that just sits there and pretends, I mean, I guess it's a guy who wanted to suck a dick and they brought him in, they gave him a script, and he's like, okay. | ||
| Who wrote this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I need to see these IMD memes immediately. | |
| But I mean, the thing that they're projecting, like this vision of this poor guy who's with this hot girl and he can't control her and he can't satisfy her, but they're together, and then the big black guy comes over and says, sit the fuck in the corner and watch me fuck your woman. | ||
| And he's like, okay. | ||
| How many of these have you watched? | ||
| Just a couple of them. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What were you researching? | ||
| I don't like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
People that aren't like me. | |
| That's what you typed into Google and it brought up Pornhub cuckold. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't even know how I got there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think somebody probably Googled it for me and then made me look at it. | |
| It was like, I don't even... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Orgasm diversity is what you were... | |
| Do you watch a lot of porn? | ||
| Not a lot. | ||
| What's that to you? | ||
| What's not a lot? | ||
| Like once or twice a week. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah, that's not a lot at all. | ||
| I think porn's like anything else. | ||
| You can get obsessed with it. | ||
| People get obsessed with all sorts of things, and porn gives you a stimulation, right? | ||
| That stimulation is you're watching two people sexually interact with each other, and you can pretend you're there, you can pretend you're doing it, whatever weird stimulation it is. | ||
| That weird thing that you're doing, people will numb themselves with that If they have too much stress, if there's too much going on in their life, and it becomes almost like a drug. | ||
| Yep, and then after you're done jerking off and you come, you're like, ugh, why was I even doing this? | ||
| I'm gonna go eat cake. | ||
| And it's just sadness. | ||
| That can happen too. | ||
| I was like, I feel pretty good after, but I don't consume a ton of porn. | ||
| I was getting too much. | ||
| I was like, you know what, I'm gonna try masturbating in my mind. | ||
| And it's a lot more work, but it's more rewarding. | ||
| I love masturbating to my imagination. | ||
| I gotta start masturbating to actual people that I know. | ||
| Like people you know? | ||
| Like truck drivers? | ||
| I don't know any truck drivers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at me. | |
| Got it. | ||
| See you later. | ||
| What were you using if you weren't using real people? | ||
| Were you creating beings in your mind? | ||
| The Sims in my head? | ||
| No, just imagining my boyfriend fucking somebody else. | ||
| Like a real hot chick. | ||
| I always think of other people and normally not my boyfriend. | ||
| You know, I've never allowed my brain to like, let's masturbate to that neighbor guy that we had at our Airbnb. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| And I did masturbate to him. | ||
| And it was really fun. | ||
| Because I'm like, oh. | ||
| It sounds like you're playing a new game. | ||
| I got a new candy crush. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's on my phone. | |
| It's really fun. | ||
| But it's like, you can go there in your head, and he doesn't know that. | ||
| So it's cool. | ||
| You didn't hurt him. | ||
| You didn't hurt your boyfriend. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't hurt anybody. | ||
| It doesn't seem the same as if you found out that a guy that you know was jerking off to you. | ||
| I just don't want to find out, but if they're doing it, that's okay. | ||
| Well, because they shouldn't DM you and tell you like so many men do. | ||
| It's like, you keep that to yourself. | ||
| I don't mind if people jerk off to me, but I should never know about it. | ||
| Right, but we agree there's a difference between a girl saying that she plays with herself to you versus a guy saying that he plays with himself. | ||
| A girl saying it to a guy is different than a guy saying it to a girl. | ||
| If a guy came up to me and was like, I jerked off to you once, I'm like... | ||
| No! | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, it depends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think so? | |
| You get excited? | ||
| It depends on how much swag he had. | ||
| If you were attracted to him, probably. | ||
| And that's this thing that we like to pretend that's not true. | ||
| But look at it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| If he was this hot, sexy guy and he told me that, I'd be like... | ||
| Well, like that article that I pulled up before that. | ||
| Sit on Joe's toilet for a little bit. | ||
| That article that I pulled up before we started the podcast, it was that women and gay men are more attracted to good-looking, muscular men, which shows that we're not making any progress with sexual gender stereotypes. | ||
| That's just not true, you fucking idiot. | ||
| And that was like Newsweek. | ||
| It's the safest space. | ||
| Go to the safest space, which is one of my favorite Twitter pages, because they will retweet the most ridiculous social justice warriors Oh, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm gonna follow this. | |
| Yeah, look at this. | ||
| Men with muscles and money are more attractive to straight women and gay men, showing gender roles aren't progressing. | ||
| It's in tech and science. | ||
| First of all, it's not tech. | ||
| That's not or science. | ||
| And it's not science. | ||
| That is goddamn nonsense. | ||
| Is that by a male Sydney or a female Sydney? | ||
| I need to know this. | ||
| I mean, I care. | ||
| If it's a man, he's a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's tomfoolery. | |
| Right? | ||
| It matters not. | ||
| Showing gender roles aren't progressing. | ||
| Hot stays hot, stupid. | ||
| It's like if you use a lighter and you burn your skin, it stays hot. | ||
| We're not progressing in our ability to diffuse fire with your fucking skin. | ||
| But the funny thing, I don't like... | ||
| I mean, success, to me, I like it because that means you're driven and you don't sit on your ass all day. | ||
| No one wants to fuck a lazy person. | ||
| I mean, if you do, that's your own thing. | ||
| But also, muscles? | ||
| Nah, I don't like them. | ||
| You don't like muscles? | ||
| I was going to say, I wasn't surveyed for that. | ||
| Yeah, neither was I. I'm like, I mean, I'm not like, ugh, but, you know, I'm more attracted to somebody who, truly, like, comedian, like, funny. | ||
| When you're funny, that is so much hotter to me. | ||
| You could be overweight, you could be underweight, you could be whatever. | ||
| When you're funny, that's the hot thing. | ||
| Funny and hardworking. | ||
| Well, isn't that the thing about what is attractive, is that everybody's got their own little thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's some pretty standard things, but then... | ||
| Nice teeth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I love, nice eyebrows. | ||
| People that don't smell. | ||
| But when you go left or right in a bunch of different weird ways, and that's kind of one of the cool things about being a person. | ||
| I know some women that are into really skinny guys. | ||
| Like super skinny, like ribs. | ||
| Same, I know a lot of those. | ||
| That heroin look. | ||
| Some girls think that's hot. | ||
| I can see that being hot. | ||
| My boyfriend was always like, I want to get skinny like Iggy Pop. | ||
| I'm like, no! | ||
| Do you want to stop having sex then? | ||
| See, I like chunksters. | ||
| That's my thing. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Some girls like a guy with a legit gut. | ||
| That's like Dave Matthews. | ||
| People love that. | ||
| Dave Matthews has a gut? | ||
| He has a little belly. | ||
| And if he doesn't have that belly, less hot. | ||
| Have you ever been attracted to somebody and you feel uncomfortable that you're attracted to them because it's just not your type? | ||
| Poor Joe just takes such great care of his body, working out, and we're like, we like fat people! | ||
| No, I think it's good. | ||
| Throw that tremble out and get a donut machine. | ||
| I don't need everybody to like me. | ||
| I definitely don't need everybody to be attracted to me. | ||
| But I'm always weirded out by weird stuff like the skinny one. | ||
| The skinny one's weird because that's like an unhealthy thing. | ||
| Like if you're looking at someone and they look like, you know, that Iggy Pop look is like, boy, he doesn't look healthy. | ||
| That's drug use. | ||
| I don't know if he's still using drugs and he's still skinny. | ||
| But I think it maybe stays with you. | ||
| I like a guy that's bigger than me, though. | ||
| Physically bigger than me. | ||
| Because I like that. | ||
| In case wolves attack, you can grab the wolf. | ||
| There's Iggy. | ||
| Well, Iggy looks pretty good right there. | ||
| I've seen skinnier people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm on board. | |
| Actually, Steven, I take that back. | ||
| He's got some muscles. | ||
| And he did a song with Kesha. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Iggy is an old man, too. | ||
| He might be 60 years old there. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Yeah, that's him young. | ||
| He's getting hotter. | ||
| Men get so much hotter as they get older. | ||
| We're so weird. | ||
| I do think, though, there are some women, though, that just are so... | ||
| We went to this summit that was like a lot of females. | ||
| It was just female speakers, but like... Glamour Women of the Year Summit. | ||
| Yeah, like chicks doing rad shit, right? | ||
| And this woman, Sheila Nevins, who is the head of documentaries at HBO, I've never heard of her ever. | ||
| She is the sexiest woman I've ever seen. | ||
| Her style and her confidence, she's very graceful, but then she's like, just because you're a woman doesn't mean you're good at shit. | ||
| She has this realisticness to her that I'm like, you are so sexy. | ||
| Yeah, the I don't give a fuck-edness that only a woman over 50 can have. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| The I don't give a fuck-edness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a good word. | |
| But in a way that, because I think sometimes young women use like, I don't give a fuck, but like you give so many fucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And there's, when you truly don't give a fuck, you don't need to announce that you don't give any fucks. | ||
| It's like the person posted the most pictures of the relationship is in the one in the worst relationship. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you gotta say it. | ||
| It's sort of like really depressing strippers always have Instagram pages that have a lot of like inspirational quotes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Memes. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of memes. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of memes. | ||
| I get so depressed at strip clubs. | ||
| I really can't handle it. | ||
| I love strip clubs. | ||
| I love a hot chick dancing on me with her titties in my face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I fucking love it. | |
| I just want to cry every time. | ||
| How did you guys become friends? | ||
| You're so polar opposite. | ||
| We have nothing in common. | ||
| Except our sense of humor. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| We like laughing at dark shit. | ||
| Laughing at something that's real fucked up is the best feeling ever to me. | ||
| It's the same relationship I had with my brother. | ||
| We're polar opposites, except we share a sense of humor, and I love that. | ||
| He's one of my favorite people in the whole world. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, you don't have to be the same to like each other. | ||
| No, we are not that all the same. | ||
| And it's nice to see, I think, a lot of people like seeing two women that just disagree on a lot of shit, but that doesn't mean I don't like her. | ||
| Yeah, that's a problem, too, is that people get so married to ideas that you don't like people who don't think the same way that you do, which seems to me to be kind of crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That is a dumb It's really rampant, right? | |
| Identity politics. | ||
| And this idea that you have to be on one team or the other. | ||
| You fucking just dig your heels in and fight the other side with tooth, claw, and nail. | ||
| We see that strongly in politics, right? | ||
| And it's a gigantic issue in politics. | ||
| Politics is fucking exhausting. | ||
| So exhausting. | ||
| People can't live in the opposites. | ||
| You can be both things. | ||
| You can be a great comedian, and you could also sexually assault people. | ||
| You could be kind of shitty in that area. | ||
| But you still look good. | ||
| That doesn't... | ||
| Don't you think that the Louis C.K. thing was extra disturbing because he was doing it to one of us? | ||
| He wasn't just saying, hey girl, stay still while I jerk off in front of you, which is gross. | ||
| But he's also doing it to what should be a peer. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And that's what indicates to me it's a power dynamic. | ||
| You could have had a sex worker. | ||
| A sex worker would have been thrilled to take your money and you could do a scenario where you block the door and you jerk off and she's like, but that's a consensual thing. | ||
| That's why that indicates to me it's a power dynamic. | ||
| Yeah, because that consensual thing doesn't give you the buzz. | ||
| The buzz is the forbidden thing. | ||
| Yeah, but that also says to me, though, that Louis is so intelligent that he did think it through a little bit more than he's letting on because it's like, you know they're going to have to keep this secret because we're all in this club together. | ||
| So if you do it to a young comedian. | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| I'm not saying he was like plotting. | ||
| There's a certain thing about stand-ups. | ||
| I think everybody will agree. | ||
| We're impulsive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Stand-ups are impulsive people. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why you'll say the funny thing before everybody... | ||
| Some people might not even entertain the thought. | ||
| You open the door and then blurt it out quicker than everybody else. | ||
| There's an impulsive aspect to that. | ||
| So you think that could be an impulse? | ||
| No, I think that he's an impulsive guy. | ||
| I think most comics are, and there's a wild thrill to that impulse. | ||
| The problem is... | ||
| You're also doing it to a person that doesn't want you to do it to them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And even if there's no physical contact, you're making them watch you beat off, which is fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know the whole Tig Notaro thing? | ||
| Where Tig Notaro thinks that he started helping her to show that he was a nice guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because she's like a lesbian and a feminist and he's going to promote her thing and this will take some of the weight off of him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And she said that she felt burdened by her relationship with him because... | ||
| that he did it on purpose and he made a conscious decision it could be I don't know yeah it could be too you know it's a good it's a good branding move it's a good let's try and save the reputation but I don't know I don't know but but with that though it's like the when he hosted SNL the monologues about pedophilia and he's like he related it to like eating a Snickers bar and | ||
| You want to touch that little kid so bad and you know how horrible and how many lives it ruins and how fucked up it makes you the kid, but you still do it. | ||
| That's what I think with what he did. | ||
| I'm like, you really wanted to do that real bad because comics all knew. | ||
| We knew about it. | ||
| Corinne and I knew about it five years ago. | ||
| Yeah, I had heard it wasn't true and I had heard from someone who knows him better than me. | ||
| And I said, well, what do you mean? | ||
| And they gave me this weird scenario where he was joking around. | ||
| They were all joking around together. | ||
| And then the story got out. | ||
| And he pulled his dick out as a joke. | ||
| And everyone was laughing. | ||
| And he was being silly. | ||
| And then the real story came out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| We've had people, like, Ari Shafir was on our podcast. | ||
| He pulled his dick. | ||
| I mean, he did ask. | ||
| But, like, that was fine. | ||
| I wanted to see his dick. | ||
| I wanted to see his balls. | ||
| We had a vasectomy, so we wanted to see the scars. | ||
| I mean, there was a reason. | ||
| And then also that we had never seen someone who was not circumcised before. | ||
| And then he was like, do you want to see it? | ||
| And we really said, yes. | ||
| How fucked up is that? | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Cutting baby dicks is so common that you guys have gone through all your life to adulthood. | ||
| And it's fucked more than the average person. | ||
| Ari Shaffir is the first dick that you saw that wasn't sliced open as a baby. | ||
| It wasn't Ari's dick that was uncircumcised. | ||
| These are two separate dicks. | ||
| I can't believe I've never encountered an uncircumcised penis. | ||
| Ari's a super Jew. | ||
| Of course he's circumcised. | ||
| Also, Ari was like, I got the longest balls in the game. | ||
| And I'm like, I mean, show them to me. | ||
| Like, I want to see them. | ||
| And I'm like, damn. | ||
| They were pretty long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're pretty gross. | |
| You've seen them too? | ||
| Yeah, like grapefruit and an old lady's pantyhose. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen Ari's dick and balls multiple times. | ||
| See, that's one thing that male comics do. | ||
| They're just always showing each other's dicks. | ||
| I've never showed my pussy to anyone. | ||
| I've seen your pussy. | ||
| It wasn't a big reveal. | ||
| She saw your pussy, she didn't see your vagina. | ||
| I saw it all. | ||
| Yeah, no, I didn't open up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You saw the house. | |
| You opened the door. | ||
| I saw the staple. | ||
| Here's the couch. | ||
| That's just because... | ||
| Here's my TV set. | ||
| Here is my kitchen. | ||
| I overslept for a flight and woke up drunk. | ||
| That's why she saw my vagina. | ||
| That's my pussy. | ||
| It's a different story. | ||
| There's no like genital mutilation tradition amongst women and people say oh, you're looking at the wrong America foreskins not mutilation bull the fuck it isn't it is it is there. | ||
| Yeah, I saw a truck in Union Square a couple months ago. | ||
| That's like circumcision is male genital mutilation. | ||
| I was like, oh. | ||
| It is, and a lot of kids lose their dicks from it every year. | ||
| They lose their dicks? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Not only that, there's a famous story when it comes to, there's a baby that was raised as a woman because they did a botched circumcision on the kid when it was a baby and his penis, essentially there was a massive infection, they had to remove his penis, and because of that they had made the decision to try to transition this person into a woman. | ||
| And so they transitioned this person to a woman and they gave him hormones, but he always wanted to be a man and it was like super confusing to him. | ||
| Then he eventually wound up committing suicide when he was older. | ||
| It was a horrible, horrible story. | ||
| Directly connected. | ||
| Directly connected. | ||
| It is, but what do you do when you cut off a baby's dick? | ||
| It wasn't a time when you can try to reconstruct? | ||
| They've only started putting new dicks on people within the last year. | ||
| I think there's actually only been one or two successful penis transplants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| I mean, it is harder to create a penis than it is with the... | ||
| It's not to create a penis. | ||
| You take it from a cadaver. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| It's not the same as, like, when you transition male to female, you're flipping the dick. | ||
| But they're adding on cadaver parts when they're going female to male. | ||
| No, this is not what I'm talking about. | ||
| I'm talking about someone whose dick is mutilated in an accident. | ||
| Okay, that's different. | ||
| Like a Lorena Bobbitt. | ||
| Yeah, I was going to say, chick cut off her dick. | ||
| Yeah, well they reattached that thing. | ||
| They found it in the field, didn't she? | ||
| Like she threw out the window? | ||
| Yeah, she chopped it out the window. | ||
| She should have threw that in the river. | ||
| Yeah, there's another story about a woman in Orange County who tied her boyfriend up. | ||
| She drugged him, tied him up, and then cut his dick off and threw him in the garbage disposal. | ||
| Badass. | ||
| She's in jail for the rest of the life. | ||
| Yeah, she should be though. | ||
| Rightly so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Badass, but would you say that if a guy did that to a girl? | ||
| No, I'd be like, that's horrible. | ||
| I have a bit about like a... | ||
| Lost his penis during circumcision 17 years ago, undergoes world's third successful penis transplant, but there's a color discrepancy that surgeons will fix with tattooing. | ||
| I mean, alright, you got a penis transplant. | ||
| I wouldn't have complained about the color. | ||
| It's so goddamn crazy that people lose their dicks because of circumcision. | ||
| It's not totally common. | ||
| I mean, it's rare, but it happens. | ||
| When you're a cadaver who gets your dick taken off to put on another person, is that when you check the box on your driver's license to donate your organs, like it's all up for grabs? | ||
| I guess, yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, I'll just put that out there. | ||
| If I die, I take my dick. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| That's really nice of you. | ||
| The thing is, it's probably really hard to get it to work, right? | ||
| I mean, it's such a complicated organ. | ||
| There's so much going on in there as far as all these different connections, and apparently the operation takes forever. | ||
| It's a long, crazy operation. | ||
| Ticking balls are so mystical to me. | ||
| Do you ever stare at your balls and it's like there's an alien in it? | ||
| It's like they just move like an octopus or something. | ||
| They're definitely weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so weird. | |
| The movement the first time I gave a hand job, though, did surprise me. | ||
| Of the balls? | ||
| No, the shaft. | ||
| I didn't realize it was going to move with me. | ||
| Oh, the skin was going to go with you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I was like, how cool is this? | |
| But I didn't say that out loud, but I definitely thought it. | ||
| Wait, the skin moves with you? | ||
| Yeah, so I thought I was actually just going to be sliding my hand up and down, but there was a little give there. | ||
| Little give. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought that was so fucking cool. | |
| Oh, I thought it... | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm going to revisit that later. | ||
| Does your boyfriend have a dick? | ||
| He does have a dick. | ||
| Well, he did say... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Our first three-way, this girl gave him a ninja blowjob. | ||
| Like, it was so impressive. | ||
| He came right away. | ||
| And I've never... | ||
| I've sucked his dick many times. | ||
| Still do. | ||
| That doesn't happen. | ||
| And I was in the corner going, huh, okay. | ||
| You were in the corner. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, I mean, I was next to her. | ||
| Voyeurism. | ||
| But, you know, I was like, oh, word? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And it was, you know, I stole the... | ||
| I'm so curious to see what you were doing, because we learned this year Christina has been giving blowjobs wrong this whole time. | ||
| Suck a dick's all wrong. | ||
| How you been doing it wrong? | ||
| I didn't know you had to suck, like, suck it when you go up. | ||
| Like, a flashlight is pleasurable because of the suction, and when you suck a dick, you're supposed to, like, suck it in as you go up. | ||
| Create a little airlock. | ||
| A little suction-y. | ||
| I was just licking it like a lollipop. | ||
| And, you know, no one told me. | ||
| Because they were probably just happy I was there. | ||
|
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|
See, and that's why, because I'm like, I don't really love giving blowjobs, but it's like, Christina's like, I love it. | |
| I'm like, yeah, because you're not doing it right. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And it's so much easier. | ||
| If I was just licking the dick the whole time, I would also like blowjobs. | ||
| So you don't like doing it because it's a lot of work? | ||
| It is a job, Jo. | ||
| It depends. | ||
| You know, a lot of... | ||
| He's going to hate me. | ||
| My boyfriend takes a long time to come. | ||
| And so, I mean, just at a certain point, your mouth is uncomfortable. | ||
| That's why I don't like handjobs. | ||
| I'm like, you do it. | ||
| You do it better than me. | ||
| I like watching you do it. | ||
| Why are we sitting here and I'm trying this, you know? | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Unless you really want me to, but I'm like... | ||
| Where has this gone? | ||
| Where has this gone? | ||
| Are you comfortable talking about sex stuff? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you have sex toys? | ||
| Do you use sex toys? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I used to have the Fleshlight. | ||
| It was one of the sponsors, the earliest sponsor of the podcast. | ||
| But did you use it? | ||
| Yeah, back then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, so that's a sex toy. | |
| My boyfriend doesn't use them anyway. | ||
| He dated a famous porn star right before me and I discovered he held on to her flashlight while Hurricane Sandy was flooding my apartment and crim was over. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Very uncomfortable. | ||
| He grabbed Sandy, strapped a life preserver to him. | ||
| This is not getting away! | ||
| Well, no, I picked it up, and I do a bit about this, but I picked it up, and I thought it was a flashlight, and I thought he'd thrown it away, and I was like, oh, that's a butthole. | ||
| Okay, we're gonna have a little talk when Corinne leaves. | ||
| The butthole one. | ||
| It's just crazy that they mold it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, obviously not the internal parts, but the outside. | ||
| They literally put rubber on them. | ||
| We've been to the place where they do stuff. | ||
| We went to the Doc Johnson factory, which is in Los Angeles, and we saw the chair that looks like an OBGYN's chair where the porn stars sit, and there was remnants of whatever the cement-y stuff that they're putting in their butt. | ||
| We're taking pictures. | ||
| We're at Disneyland. | ||
| It's our Disneyland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| But when you jerk off with a fleshlight, are you closing your eyes? | ||
| Are you imagining? | ||
| Because they make it look like an actual pussy, but is that hot? | ||
| You're not looking at it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I thought. | |
| No, you don't need to look at it. | ||
| They also made it look like an alien. | ||
| They made an avatar one at one point in time. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, they made a blue one. | ||
| Like, you can fuck that big blue lady that... | ||
| Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. | ||
| But it's just a little bit of her. | ||
|
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|
It's just a tube. | |
| It's just the part you need. | ||
| You know what else they make that I thought was hilarious? | ||
| They make them that are like, you know, those tall boy, like Pabst Blue Ribbon cans? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They make them out of that. | ||
| So you unscrew the... | ||
| It looks like a can, so you'd have it in the freezer. | ||
| It's like you're hiding your weed from your mom. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You're hiding the pussy from your wife. | ||
| Yeah, it's like if you had a... | ||
| Have you ever seen those little... | ||
| It would be like one of these caveman nitros, but you screw the top and you can stash money inside. | ||
| Yeah, or wait. | ||
| I had a fake rock that I used to put my house keys in, but then it's like, it does not look like a rock at all. | ||
| It looks like, oh, this person hid a plastic rock in their garden for their keys. | ||
| Yeah, it's so obvious. | ||
| Like, I could leave my key in the door and it would be less obvious than this rock. | ||
| Yeah, like I went over to a friend of mine's house and he had fake rock speakers in his backyard. | ||
| I was like, yeah, they play music, bro, but they look like rocks. | ||
| It's not really a rock. | ||
| It's impressing no one. | ||
| It's making people think less of you, probably. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| It's those fucking catalogs they leave on planes. | ||
| Oh, I love those. | ||
| Remember those? | ||
| You'd be going through those. | ||
| The SkyMall. | ||
| I need one of those. | ||
| You need stuff to do. | ||
| SkyMall. | ||
| I need that six-foot Bigfoot statue from my backyard. | ||
| Yeah, he watches over the garden, man. | ||
| They do make... | ||
| They make torsos. | ||
| You ever seen one of those? | ||
| It's just a chick's torso. | ||
| It looks like you mutilated her. | ||
| We're looking at those sex dolls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, those real doll things. | ||
| You know, they have a brothel in Germany now where it's like a sex doll brothel. | ||
| That seems... | ||
| I mean, just buying your home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So bizarre. | |
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So bizarre. | ||
| That doesn't seem clean. | ||
| I wouldn't be comfortable with that. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Problem at sex doll brothel. | ||
| The Johns are getting too weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
you could say that again would come in and beat off in the same hole wow And I mean, would you ever fuck a sex doll? | |
| For their story. | ||
| Really? | ||
| So I could talk about it on the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I would fuck a sex doll. | ||
| I would fuck a sex doll for myself. | ||
| I'm not stupid, so I wouldn't think it's a real person. | ||
| No, I don't think... | ||
| There's a big difference between beating off and then, like, when you're going so far that you're fucking this rubber thing pretending it's a person, you're taking it to a totally different place. | ||
| You are, yeah. | ||
| Like, you're not in a fantasy land where you're masturbating or watching porn and thinking. | ||
| But when you watch porn, aren't you thinking? | ||
| Aren't guys when they watch porn thinking, like, she's sucking my dick? | ||
| Sort of, but no. | ||
| What do you think when you watch porn? | ||
| You're just thinking that the activity is exciting. | ||
| Like the activity you're seeing? | ||
| Yeah, of someone sucking a dick is exciting. | ||
| And then you would like it if they were doing it to you, but you're not thinking, oh, she's doing it to me, because you're not stupid. | ||
| You know you're not there. | ||
| Suspension of disbelief. | ||
| It's like when you see a movie. | ||
| You know you're at a theater. | ||
| But if you're holding on to some cold rubber, and you've got her cold rubber feet in the air... | ||
| And you're having sex with a cold rubber pussy. | ||
| Oh, that was the other thing the guy told me. | ||
| I wrote that article and I was going back and forth with him, the guy who had a relationship. | ||
| He said he puts her in the tub. | ||
| He fills the tub up with hot water to heat up the temperature of the body. | ||
| Oh, I mean, that seems like a good idea. | ||
| Yeah, it does seem like a good idea. | ||
| It's real murdery, but it is very strange. | ||
| I don't want to go over to his house, but he's not hurting anyone. | ||
| What do you guys think? | ||
| Do you know what CRISPR is? | ||
| It's the drawer in the bottom of your fridge where you put your veggies? | ||
| Probably not, though. | ||
| Yes and no. | ||
| It is that, but it's also a new thing that they're allowing. | ||
| They're starting to experiment with this new method of altering DNA. They're figuring out a way to do it with non-viable human embryos, and they're starting to do it with humans now that are alive. | ||
| And a guy was recently one of the first people to be injected with DNA from CRISPR. And as CRISPR gets more and more complex and more and more effective, they think in the future you're not only going to be able to Pick what happens to your children, what your children are, what they look like, what traits they have and don't have. | ||
| You're literally going to have a laundry list of things that you can pick and choose. | ||
| But you might be able to do it to yourself. | ||
| They might be able to accelerate Whoa! | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| That's like Rachel Dolezal's dream. | ||
|
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|
I was going to say, Rachel Dolezal would have had a heyday with that. | |
| There's a ton of those people out there. | ||
| But this technology is not going to just change the way you look. | ||
| It'll literally change who you are. | ||
| It's going to stretch your legs out. | ||
| It's going to change your features. | ||
| And the way your brain works? | ||
| The way you think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Then they're going to go knock out Alzheimer's. | ||
| They're going to be able to stop a lot of the genes that allow people to have Parkinson's and a lot of different... | ||
| Different ailments that people have, they've isolated those genes, and they think they can shut them off. | ||
| Whoa, that's good. | ||
| But I also think, I don't want to live to be 150. You might be able to, though. | ||
| This is what's going to get really weird. | ||
| You might not want to, and you might say that, but maybe if you're 80 and someone says, hey, you want to be 30 again? | ||
| You might go, whoa. | ||
| If I was in good health, I wouldn't mind it. | ||
| Somebody might be willing... | ||
| I mean, it might physically be possible for you to not just look 30, but be 30. Whoa! | ||
| Like, literally change your cellular structure to the point where you're a young person. | ||
| And that's going to be the destruction of our society. | ||
| Modifying your own genes is just an injection away if you're feeling lucky, because right now it's very experimental. | ||
| But this is just speculative. | ||
| There's an article where the very first guy had it done. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, very first use of CRISPR on a living person. | ||
| So this is like, you know, there's this body acceptance thing, right? | ||
| Like, I'm happy with who I am. | ||
| Be happy, girl. | ||
| Be happy, boy. | ||
| Be happy who you are. | ||
| You're happy until someone comes along and says, hey, man, you could be Thor. | ||
| You know, do you want to be Thor? | ||
| You have to do to be Thor. | ||
| I'm not willing to make any sacrifices. | ||
| No, you just go to the Thor doctor. | ||
| It's like Halloween for life. | ||
| Yeah, he shoots a Thor shot in your ass and you look like that Christopher whatever his name is guy. | ||
| And could you... | ||
| You think you would be able to change it? | ||
| So like one day I'm Thor, but the next day I'm Cindy Crawford. | ||
| You might be able to... | ||
| Well, it probably is going to take a while for your body to shift to whatever form it's going to be. | ||
| Yeah, you've got to wait to morph. | ||
| And maybe if you keep doing it over and over again, it's like a VHS tape where you keep copying it over and over again. | ||
| And it's going to get scratched up. | ||
| The quality, okay. | ||
| Like a CD. You might put some errors in your DNA and grow some extra feet and weird shit. | ||
| Yeah, that's fun. | ||
| A little exciting. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I mean, listen, there's going to be some early adopters that are very upset and have buyer's remorse. | ||
| There's no doubt about that. | ||
| Yeah, and then what do you do when that happens? | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| But it's like plastic surgery you can alter. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I mean, you can't, obviously, there's limitations for plastic surgery, but that don't seem to be on this hypothetically if it goes as far as it can go. | ||
| But it's like plastic surgery in the sense that there was one way they used to do it, which was awful, and now they're way better at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes you can't tell. | ||
| Yeah, like boob jobs. | ||
| Like boob jobs now, they make boobs that are soft. | ||
| They're smooshy. | ||
| And you couldn't, when people, I've met a couple girls that are like, yeah, these are fake tits. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Can I touch them? | ||
| And then when you touch them, they feel like a boob. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Have you ever touched a fake boob that felt like a real boob? | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| Not... | ||
| No, but I've touched fake boobs that I liked. | ||
| Yeah, I like fake boobs. | ||
| I think... | ||
| They're fun. | ||
| They are fun. | ||
| What do you think, Joe? | ||
| They're... | ||
| Well... | ||
| Real's better, but it's weird. | ||
| People accept fake girl parts. | ||
| They do not accept fake boy parts. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| Like calves and shit? | ||
| Yeah, pecs. | ||
| I know guys that have had pec implants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Calf implants, yeah. | ||
| Can you tell that they're obviously implants? | ||
| The guy I knew who had it is dead. | ||
| Oh, it's because he had it? | ||
| He had a lot of issues and he was getting a lot of weird surgery. | ||
| Yeah, no shit. | ||
| One of the things he got was pec implants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's nice to know that sometimes men can be just as insecure as women. | ||
| They can. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I think, too. | ||
| Oh, that's not implants. | ||
| Those are some tigle bitties. | ||
| That's synthoid. | ||
| What that guy's doing is he's injecting oil into his muscles to make his muscles larger and bulge. | ||
| I mean, that's not healthy, right? | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| Those guys get massive infections and gangrene. | ||
| You're shooting... | ||
| I didn't even know you still could get gangrene. | ||
| I thought that was like a 16th century shit. | ||
| No, Mitch Hedberg had that. | ||
| Mitch Hedberg, before he died, a couple years before he wound up overdosing, Stanhope and I were hanging out and he got the call that Mitch is in the hospital for gangrene. | ||
| He's been shooting heroin into the same spot over and over again. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, you can get gangrene, for sure. | ||
| People get it today. | ||
| Shit, now I got nothing to worry about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| But the thing is, like... | ||
| You should be happy with who you are if you can't change it. | ||
| What we're getting into is this weird place in the future. | ||
| Have you found that article while you're out there Googling Synthoid? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I found it. | |
| I jumped on that. | ||
| There was an article from 2016 that said someone in China was injected with it. | ||
| No, it's really, really recent. | ||
| Within the last couple of days, it said, man becomes the first living patient for CRISPR. They injected CRISPR DNA within the last week or two. | ||
| That article, I'm typing that in, it says it's from 2016. And the recent one says there's 20 embryos that got injected. | ||
| Just add to the Google search really recent. | ||
| Really, really recent. | ||
| Have you ever heard of poop enemas? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those are interesting. | ||
| Found the guy? | ||
| Okay, here it is. | ||
| Yeah, poop enemas. | ||
| Yeah, here it is. | ||
| Genes altered inside a person for the first time ever. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| In a bold experiment that has never been done before, a man had his genes altered permanently in an attempt to... | ||
| Cure a disease. | ||
| So this is one step and this guy had a disease and decided to take this chance and do this. | ||
| And so scientists for the first time have tried editing the gene inside the body in a bold attempt to permanently change a person's DNA to cure a disease. | ||
| The experiment was done Monday in California on 44 year old Brian Maddox Madhu. | ||
| Through an IV he received billions of copies of a corrective gene and genetic tool to cut his DNA in a precise spot. | ||
| It's kind of humbling to be the first test, said Madhu, who has a metabolic disease called Hunter Syndrome. | ||
| I'm willing to take the risk. | ||
| Hopefully it will help me and other people. | ||
| Well, good for that guy, for being the first guy to take that chance because that's one of the things that they need is they need someone who's... | ||
| People willing. | ||
| Yeah, and he, like I said, as an early adopter, they'll learn from him and maybe be able to improve it. | ||
| But the point is this is happening at an incredible pace. | ||
| CRISPR was just discovered a few years ago. | ||
| Damn, that's exciting. | ||
| There's a great Radiolab podcast on it. | ||
| It's spelled C-R-I-S-P-R, I think it is. | ||
| I don't think it has an E in it. | ||
| But if you look up the Radiolab podcast, it is fucking phenomenal. | ||
| And it's crazy when they explain how they discovered this and what the implications are. | ||
| I've got to tell my mom about that. | ||
| She's got so many health things. | ||
| And neurological. | ||
| And every doctor who's ever encountered her is like, I don't know. | ||
| Sorry! | ||
| And she's like, really? | ||
| Was she around, like, any sort of, like, uh... | ||
| Radiation? | ||
| No, the only thing, uh, she, uh, she's pretty sure she had Lyme's disease. | ||
| And she didn't know I have Lyme's disease. | ||
| Fuck, that stuff's bad. | ||
| I got the bullseye right away, and I got the antibiotics. | ||
| Now they give you two weeks of antibiotics. | ||
| I only got ten days at the time, so I feel like maybe I need to go back. | ||
| But I don't, I don't, I have a very sensitive stomach, uh, and that's all. | ||
| Lyme disease is a motherfucker. | ||
|
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|
It's so scary. | |
| It can fuck you up. | ||
| It's getting worse and worse and worse. | ||
| Spreading. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it's not good. | ||
| I read something like 60% of the ticks in the upper Hudson Valley have Lyme disease. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, something insane like that. | ||
| Yeah, it's really high levels. | ||
| And it's all over the East Coast. | ||
| And, you know, for a long time, doctors didn't even know what the fuck it was. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm pretty sure because it's neurological for her. | ||
| All of her shifts are neurological. | ||
| And she has an arachnoid cyst in the base of her stem, but they didn't know if it was there when she was born. | ||
| Arachnoid cyst? | ||
| Arachnoid cyst, yeah. | ||
| It's like a spider cyst? | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| It's like a big ball, and then it wraps around the base of her skull and the top of her spinal cord. | ||
| And they think she just got diagnosed with dementia, and they think that possibly draining it would do something, but they don't know. | ||
| But then she just got half of her intestines taken out. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| She's one of the 3% of people who gets Bell's palsy and it doesn't go back. | ||
| A lot of people get Bell's palsy from Lyme disease. | ||
| Oh, yes. | ||
| I remember reading that. | ||
| Because I didn't know you could get Bell's palsy and then it goes back to normal. | ||
| And it's more common. | ||
| It's like 97% chance your face is going to go back to normal. | ||
| The atrophy that happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| A friend of mine's son got it. | ||
| He was really young. | ||
| His son got Lyme disease. | ||
| And he brought the son to the doctor. | ||
| The doctor didn't think it was Lyme disease. | ||
| And then finally, the kid had Bell's palsy. | ||
| And that's when they realized. | ||
| And then they started giving him the serious antibiotics. | ||
| And the son was very young, too. | ||
| I think he was only four at the time. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Intense. | ||
| She had a stroke, though, when she gave birth to my brother. | ||
| My older brother is her first kid. | ||
| And then after that was when the Bell's palsy happened. | ||
| So I'm like, I guess it's connected to that. | ||
| She's like a walking health question. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's a phenomenon. | |
| Yeah, she is. | ||
| She is. | ||
| Crisper. | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, that shit probably could help, actually. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I mean, we'll see what happens to this guy with Hunter syndrome, but if this really works. | ||
| And this is all, like I said, this discovery of CRISPR is only a couple years old. | ||
| They're already starting to use it on living humans. | ||
| That's pretty cool. | ||
| She's at the end of a rope to the point where she would say, whatever, do it, I don't care. | ||
| So I feel like she'd be a good candidate for that. | ||
| See, the thing about Lyme disease, too, is that it has a neurotoxic element to it that causes, like, mental disorders. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's connected to something called Morgellons disease. | ||
| Oh, I've heard of that. | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| Morgellons is like people start thinking they have fibers growing out of their skin. | ||
| They start scratching themselves and they hallucinate. | ||
| I did a TV show about it and one of the things that I found that was fascinating was there was one doctor who was like a legitimate doctor who had Morgellons disease and it was explaining the hallucinations that he would have. | ||
| Because he had Lyme disease as well. | ||
| And he was thinking that when you get bit by a bug and that bug has like Lyme disease and tick diseases, they vary. | ||
| They vary in intensity and they also vary in how many different pathogens that tick can contain. | ||
| And so the way he was describing it to me, it's like you're talking about one Symptom, like something that happens to you when you have a host of different pathogens. | ||
| And he said some of those pathogens, he believes, contain neurotoxic elements that causes people to hallucinate. | ||
| And one of those hallucinations is they think that things are growing on their skin. | ||
| And they start scratching themselves. | ||
| And he was seeing it on his eyeball. | ||
| He was saying he would look in the mirror and he would see something crawling across his eyeball that he knew wasn't really there. | ||
| And because he was so smart and because he was a doctor, he was recognizing like, okay, my brain is malfunctioning. | ||
| I've got a real issue here, and the toxic element of this fucking Lyme disease is spreading through his body. | ||
| Don't succumb to it. | ||
| Yeah, and so Morgellons is like widely dismissed by a lot of medical practitioners as being a psychosomatic disorder. | ||
| They think that people are just crazy and they're hallucinating, but he's saying yes, but if you look into that, they almost all have Lyme disease. | ||
| You're saying it is connected and people are missing this connection. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I have. | ||
| Yeah, and I feel like we've always debated, my mom and I, if her mental shit is from that, from Lyme's. | ||
| And then, like, I don't have many symptoms of Lyme's, but one thing I've been getting lately, like the past maybe five years, it's been anger attacks. | ||
| Like, fucking rage that I can't, I have to do something to get it out of my body. | ||
| Maybe it's watching that girl suck your boy's dick. | ||
| No, I like that, though. | ||
| But that was fun. | ||
| How come I was jerking off to it? | ||
| No, but it would just come out of nowhere, and I'm like, it felt like I felt like the Incredible Hulk. | ||
| You feel like it's a medical issue that something was going on, like there's a problem, like an imbalance. | ||
| Yeah, because it wasn't attached to hormonal, it wasn't PMS. I also have bad PMS, but that's more anxiety. | ||
| It's not anger. | ||
| I would get these like Anger attacks and I would have to scream. | ||
| Oh my poor boyfriend like I would scream I still do I will scream into a pillow until I can't talk anymore I have polyps on my vocal cords and I feel like that's not helping but it's I need to get it out I don't punch somebody but I need to break something or I need to I need to hurt myself So I can be feel embarrassed and then come down from it But at least you confirm my suspicions that all funny people are fucked up Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, I got it. | ||
| Well, you don't seem very fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, what's your fucked up? | ||
| How you fucked up? | ||
| In what? | ||
| Yeah, I get it out from martial arts, but my whole life I've... | ||
| Beat people up? | ||
| No, no, not... | ||
| Or been in fights? | ||
| In competitions, yeah. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That's healthy, though, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, and maybe not. | ||
| I got hit in the head a lot when I was young. | ||
| Well, your brain works well. | ||
| You got a lot of facts stored in there. | ||
| Yeah, it works pretty good, but it's also, there's a hair trigger there. | ||
| There's a hair trigger mechanism that always wants to flip off. | ||
| It always wants to go dark. | ||
| What would trigger? | ||
| An event. | ||
| Someone doing something bad, something happening. | ||
| To you or to anybody? | ||
| To anybody. | ||
| To me, to anybody. | ||
| There's the anger switch where I'm not real comfortable. | ||
| If you have your finger on a gun and the trigger is very light and you're applying pressure, this could go off any second now. | ||
| There's that if something goes weird. | ||
| Oh, that sucks. | ||
| It does, but if you work out a lot, you can keep it in check. | ||
| Yeah, I lift weights. | ||
| I train and I do deadlifts and squats and shit. | ||
| I love physical labor. | ||
| I love using my muscles and it takes my anxiety away and it makes the rage attacks way less. | ||
| I feel like I have a lot of testosterone in me. | ||
| You probably do. | ||
| I mean, that's probably why you like threesomes and a lot of crazy shit that some girls wouldn't be into. | ||
| Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| You know, but it's all in, like, finding what you need to do to kind of balance out whatever biological issues you have. | ||
| That's what it is, because right now, at this point, like, I feel like the world doesn't see the anger attacks by my poor fucking boyfriend, because I live with him. | ||
| So he's the one that gets the brunt of it, and he cares about me, and he'll go... | ||
| When this happens, do you want me to come upstairs? | ||
| Do you want me to ignore you? | ||
| I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Do you ever do a boxing class or something? | ||
| Like hit a punching bag? | ||
| I did kickboxing once and I cried the whole class. | ||
| Why'd you cry? | ||
| Because I was like, you piece of shit! | ||
| Like, anger cry. | ||
| I was in a good mood that day. | ||
| My friend Melissa loves kickboxing. | ||
| She's very athletic, and she's like, you should come with me to a Tiger Shulman's class. | ||
| And I was like, okay. | ||
| And then I came, and oh man, I went to... | ||
| Hound on that punching bag. | ||
| I love punching shit. | ||
| Did you feel good when it was over? | ||
| Yeah, sounds good. | ||
| So maybe you should do that. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, the thing, like, I, yeah, I should take boxing class. | ||
| I just don't like when anybody else is around because it kind of is embarrassing. | ||
| Well, that's why the rage rooms that we were talking about before would be, because you're in a rage room by yourself. | ||
| Yeah, but I, they don't have them in New York City. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| A rage room is a place, they have them. | ||
| I can't believe you don't know about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know about everything. | |
| Dude, you would love this. | ||
| I don't need a rage room. | ||
| My life is a rage room. | ||
| I think men need rage rooms more than anyone. | ||
| I have a rage garage. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Do you break shit? | ||
| No. | ||
| I have a heavy bag. | ||
| They'll go to a thrift store. | ||
| They'll buy all the plates. | ||
| And you can go in there with a fucking baseball bat. | ||
| And just smash shit? | ||
| This is a rage room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is my fantasy. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| I mean, that's lame. | ||
| I want to break glass. | ||
| That to me looks super wasteful, but... | ||
| Yeah, this seems wasteful to me. | ||
| Nah, I love it. | ||
| Like, this guy's, like, half-ass in it. | ||
| He's not trying hard. | ||
| He's not mad at all. | ||
| He's just trying to fuck these girls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, yeah, girls, let's get together. | ||
| I got rage in me. | ||
| Afterwards, I'll massage you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smash menu. | |
| Look at this guy. | ||
| That guy looks like he's got some deep rage. | ||
| He's on the smash menu. | ||
| He might have some, like, hidden rage. | ||
| Ooh, hey. | ||
| I like that guy, huh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This guy's like examining his work. | ||
| See, he's not even angry. | ||
| This guy's so faking it. | ||
| He's not even angry the way he's hitting things. | ||
| I mean, if I'm in a rage room, I do not want there to be cameras. | ||
| I like how they put chest protectors on you. | ||
| What a bunch of pussies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Lame ass pieces of shit. | ||
| What if when you're breaking things, something hits you in the chest? | ||
| Are you going to be okay? | ||
| There's consequences to rage, you fuck! | ||
| It's the whole idea. | ||
| But I want to destroy some shit and not have there be any consequences. | ||
| This is what I think you should do. | ||
| I think you should seriously try to meditate, because I think it would help you. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes it makes me angry, though. | ||
| Yeah, but then I think you should go to a martial arts class. | ||
| You should do that and go take the kickboxing class. | ||
| Go punch a bag. | ||
| Cry. | ||
| I bet it'll get it out of your system, though. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I bet it will. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I've screamed, man, and it's alarming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about yoga? | |
| You ever try yoga? | ||
| I love yoga. | ||
| I do yoga a lot. | ||
| I use the excuse of time. | ||
| It does help. | ||
| But that's why I like weightlifting. | ||
| I got up to a point where I was squatting 175 pounds, and it felt so good, and it felt like every cell in my body was working for something, and I got energy out. | ||
| And if I hadn't gotten that energy out, I would have just had a fucking... | ||
| It excites your whole endocrine system, too. | ||
| The thing about lifting weights, specifically like squats and deadlifts and these big, giant, complex movements, is that it forces your body to get stronger in a way that it excites your hormonal system. | ||
| It makes your bones denser. | ||
| That's one of the most important things about it. | ||
| It's a great way to combat osteoporosis is to lift weights. | ||
| I just like it because it's the one time... | ||
| I like physical activity because I have to think about the physical activity I'm doing so I can't stress about my career. | ||
| It's like the only time I don't think about getting ahead. | ||
| It's the only time I'm in the moment, really. | ||
| And I love talking to trainers because you're talking about... | ||
| Sex is that too. | ||
| You're on the moment? | ||
| No, she's tired of her jaws hurting. | ||
| Her jaw's hurting. | ||
| My boyfriend said to me the other day, he's like, you never look me in the eye when we fuck. | ||
| I'm like, oh yeah, I guess I don't. | ||
| Yeah, but it's also like, we have a sex podcast, so I think that, I mean, before we had the sex podcast, it was more freeing for me. | ||
| Now, I do think of work when I think of sex, because we have a sex podcast that is paying my rent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That makes sense. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it's an ironic thing about careers, is that, especially in a creative endeavor, if you think too much about them, you paralyze yourself. | ||
| Like you paralyze the creativity because you're thinking about advancement and getting ahead and success instead of thinking about creative ideas. | ||
| Like you can definitely like have too much of one or the other. | ||
| I mean you can only think about creative and never get your career online because you just never figure out how to monetize things. | ||
| And don't put pressure on the idea. | ||
| Like, when guys are fucked, it just came out of like, let's just do this. | ||
| And I was nervous to do it because the name was so brash. | ||
| And I knew it was good, but I'm like, damn, my mom's going to find out. | ||
| And I was worried about that. | ||
| I hid it from her for two years successfully. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| It started getting too big, though. | ||
| But we honestly... | ||
| Both of us were like, no one's gonna listen to this shit. | ||
| No one's gonna listen to me talk about my pussy, so might as well just talk about it and not care. | ||
| And then people listen. | ||
| That's the way podcasts evolve the best. | ||
| Like, when I first started doing it, me and my friend Brian, we just started fucking around with a laptop. | ||
| Yeah, Red Band, right? | ||
| Yeah, we just... | ||
| Set up a laptop, and we're doing it on Ustream, and we didn't even have it uploaded to iTunes. | ||
| We're just doing this live streaming thing, and then people would ask questions, and there was like 200 people watching. | ||
| And it was like, that was the early days. | ||
| There was no pressure on it at all. | ||
| And then we were like, I'll do this every week. | ||
| And then every week started building and building and building, and then we started getting some numbers in, and it was like, hmm, a lot of fucking people watching this thing. | ||
| And then it got weird. | ||
| Well, it's cool because like doing your podcast, you could do every fucking late night show on television and you get you reach more people because podcasts you can hear anywhere there's Internet in the world. | ||
| You can get access to it. | ||
| That's so powerful. | ||
| There's definitely that. | ||
| And there's also no one's interrupting you. | ||
| No one's telling you what to talk about. | ||
| Like, think about some of the fucked up shit we've said in the last couple hours. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody would ever allow that. | |
| Your sponsors are fine with it. | ||
| We'll go into TV meetings and pitch dark shit and just see the blood draining from their face. | ||
| I'm like, oh, fuck you, pussies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then you remember, you have to be... | |
| You're true. | ||
| Gina's never going to sign on to that concept. | ||
| They live in a different world, those people. | ||
| Those TV people, they live in a world of tricking dummies in the middle of the country. | ||
| They look for the next three and a half men. | ||
| Like, what can I get? | ||
| I need a Big Bang Theory to shove down these morons' throats. | ||
| They were really open about it. | ||
| A lot of concepts we pitched, they're like, yeah, but the middle of the country. | ||
| They're not going to like that. | ||
| And they're ten years behind me. | ||
| And there's a lot of great people in the middle of the country now, too. | ||
| The weird thing about the middle of the country, it doesn't exist anymore. | ||
| Because the middle of the country has the internet, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, ignorance is... | ||
| I mean, there's gonna be pockets of ignorance no matter what you do. | ||
| And we found that out in Charlottesville. | ||
| Like, that was a big, like, shocker for a lot of people. | ||
| They didn't know that there's still people with fucking tiki torches walking down the street talking about the land of our fathers and all this goofy shit. | ||
| But you're finding more and more people. | ||
| Like, if you tour, you can go to places like Kansas City. | ||
| You run into a fucking shitload of cool people. | ||
| Dude, we were in Spokane. | ||
| We had a gig in Spokane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Spokane. | |
| Or Spokane. | ||
| Washington is awesome. | ||
| We've been to Ohio, Minnesota, Dallas, and Salt Lake City. | ||
| I really love it. | ||
| That's a city. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You say Dallas? | |
| Texas? | ||
| Texas is awesome. | ||
| But our live show is very... | ||
| You're going to love it or you're going to hate it. | ||
| And going to a more conservative state, I'm like... | ||
| But they're coming to see you. | ||
| The people who are coming, exactly. | ||
| It's like they found their podcast that helped them live in Dallas, Texas, or wherever it may be. | ||
| We did a segment called Sexting Theater, and we're like, who in here is sex? | ||
| And then when they raise their hand, I'm like, give me your phone. | ||
| We do a theatrical interpretation of their sex. | ||
| The raunchiest one, I didn't even want to read it, I was blushing, was in Dallas. | ||
| This guy's talking about sucking a fart out of someone's butt. | ||
| It was our first gay man, so of course he was much better than any of the women. | ||
| But I was like, that's impressive and unexpected. | ||
| You were on board with the fart sucking until you heard it was a man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wasn't on board. | |
| I was trying to take it all in and then he hit me with gay man and it won't even further. | ||
| So much. | ||
| Did you ever suck a fart out of a butt, Joe? | ||
| No, I haven't. | ||
| I've missed that part of my life. | ||
| Wait, have you licked a butt? | ||
| It's all just experiences, of course. | ||
| Have you ever your butthole licked? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Finger in the butt? | ||
| No, not that one. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| You have a prostate. | ||
| There's a lot of shit in there. | ||
| You don't do it after you've eaten a burrito. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| No, okay, wait. | ||
| I don't want to lick. | ||
| I'm going to give you a homework assignment. | ||
| I don't want to lick straight men's butts. | ||
| Take it for the girl with a bullet for a ring. | ||
| That's where bullets belong on jewelry. | ||
| But everyone thinks it's a cocaine vial. | ||
| I'm like, oh, that's a good point. | ||
| I never thought of that. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| But a P-spot stimulator. | ||
| So your prostate is your G-spot. | ||
| Oh, I know about all that. | ||
| And you just put it in. | ||
| And then you don't... | ||
| It's not ram. | ||
| You just put it in and you have sex. | ||
| Or you put it in and you jerk off. | ||
| When I hear men talk about they love women when a woman cums, it's so hot to them. | ||
| I've never experienced that with men because they're always like, ugh! | ||
| But this thing, I'm telling you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do I go again? | |
| Ugh! | ||
| I'm surprised I could reenact that so many times I've seen it. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| But when they have the, when my boyfriend has the Anerosin, is the product that we use. | ||
| The what? | ||
| Aneros. | ||
| N-E-R-O-S. What is that? | ||
| It's a prostate simulator. | ||
| Peace bus simulator. | ||
| It's a rod you shove in there. | ||
| Yeah, it's not as... | ||
| It's more like gently glide with... | ||
| But wasn't it shaped like this? | ||
| It's God's thumb. | ||
| Yeah, it's shaped like... | ||
| It's not that big. | ||
| It's not intimidatingly big. | ||
| And you put it in and we have sex. | ||
| Like a baby dick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Like a curved baby dick. | ||
| You ruined that. | ||
| No, it's like a mini dildo for your butthole. | ||
| We were all having a nice time. | ||
| No, but then you have sex, so you do what you gotta do anyway. | ||
| And the orgasm for the guy is so much more intense to the point where I'm like, that's the hottest thing I've ever seen. | ||
| The hottest thing I've ever seen. | ||
| And he likes it, so you should try it. | ||
| Do you have a good orgasm face? | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| I'm not looking in the mirror when I come. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| Do you feel it? | ||
| I jerk off in front of the mirror. | ||
| Yeah, just look at yourself. | ||
| Angry or sad? | ||
| You gotta pick. | ||
| Right before you come. | ||
| That would make me try for ages. | ||
| The new Trident series. | ||
| Yeah, wow. | ||
| It looks like sperm. | ||
| The one we use is black. | ||
| I don't suggest getting a white one because when you pull it out. | ||
| Ew! | ||
| Not always. | ||
| It's like checking the oil. | ||
| I hate to end this podcast on this note, but I do have to wrap this bitch up. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| You guys are really fun. | ||
| Like I said many times before, I think you guys, you proved to me that you don't have to be a famous person to have a very successful podcast. | ||
| And people kept saying that to me. | ||
| Like, oh, it's oversaturated. | ||
| I go like, bullshit. | ||
| And I always say, what about guys we fucked? | ||
| I go, those girls came out of nowhere. | ||
| They're always top ten. | ||
| I go, they're kicking ass. | ||
| And they're just good. | ||
| They flow together. | ||
| They're having fun together. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Every time you mention us, man, the spike, you are powerful. | ||
| You're the top podcast all the time. | ||
| One time we were above you in Canada and everyone freaked out and emailed us and they were like, holy shit, and I just felt like we are not worthy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| But we appreciate it. | ||
| It's nice to earn somebody's respect that you respect and it's because you have something that's good. | ||
| I appreciate you guys too, and I appreciate the fact that you guys are really good at being yourselves. | ||
| I'm a professional. | ||
| Yeah, but that's fucking even rare. | ||
| You have a huge point though, because that's what half of our book is about, is about just me professionally being me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it. | |
| That's all I'm offering. | ||
| But isn't it amazing that that in itself is incredibly rare? | ||
| It makes me sad, but yes. | ||
| It shouldn't make you sad because I think it's going to be less rare in the future. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People can change. | |
| I hope so. | ||
| I think human beings and I think our culture is evolving. | ||
| We were talking about the social climate that's happening and how many things are going on right now and words that people are not supposed to use anymore and things that people used to think of as being commonplace and now thought of as being problematic. | ||
| There's a lot going on. | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| It does feel like there's a shift. | ||
| I feel it. | ||
| It's, I think, and along with things like this CRISPR technology and a bunch of other probably unforeseen technologies that are being worked on right now as we speak, I think some weird shit is going down. | ||
| Man, in 40 years we're all going to be like basketball players and shit. | ||
| It's going to be fun. | ||
| We're going to be aliens. | ||
| I would do that. | ||
| I would choose that crisper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you? | |
| Would you go with the big gray head and the black eyes? | ||
| That's hack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah. | |
| That's hack? | ||
| That's a hack alien? | ||
| Yeah, that's a hack alien. | ||
| What kind of alien would you like? | ||
| Big old titties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be an octopus with big titties. | |
| And my pussy can kill people. | ||
| Number one, I would be purple and metallic. | ||
| Those are aesthetically, I would choose that. | ||
| Your pussy could be like that chest monster from Thing. | ||
| You could put your pussy on your chest, yeah. | ||
| You might have more control over your pussy if you could just wham it down on things. | ||
| Ugh, I wish. | ||
| Right, like I could just put it, like I could just like... | ||
| And on that note. | ||
| Thank you ladies, you guys were awesome. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| Thank you so much for having us. | ||
| Guys, we fucked. | ||
| You can get it on iTunes and elsewhere. | ||
| Twitters. | ||
| Philanthropy gal. | ||
| Christina Hutch with two I's. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Goodbye everybody. |
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