Sept. 15, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:05:24
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Oh, false flag. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Five, four, three, two... | |
| Yes! | ||
| Yes, ladies and gentlemen! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yes! | ||
| We're here. | ||
| I'm sorry we didn't go live earlier, folks. | ||
| I tweeted it 20 minutes ago. | ||
| We just said a bunch of shit we could never talk to you about. | ||
| Gossip. | ||
| A lot of it had to do with dicks. | ||
| As usual. | ||
| Well, of course, when Shob's on, it's about dicks. | ||
| Gotta do what you gotta do. | ||
| Dicks and gossip. | ||
| Speaking of dicks, that fucking thing you're driving around. | ||
| You're driving around a kid's toy all around LA. That's so crazy. | ||
| Mr. Fuckboy toy. | ||
| That is a... | ||
| Dude, I was... | ||
| Because I came straight from the airport. | ||
| Tell people what it is. | ||
| It's a slingshot, so it's three wheelers. | ||
| So there's two wheels in the front, one in the back. | ||
| It looks like Bruce Wayne's Batmobile weird toy. | ||
| It looks like you shouldn't be able to drive on the street. | ||
| You're like, wait a minute. | ||
| How do you... | ||
| You could just drive that around? | ||
| I know. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Is that a car? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I don't know what it is, but technically it's considered a motorcycle. | ||
| I have the helmet. | ||
| I wear the helmet sometimes. | ||
| Kids, if you're listening, definitely wear a helmet when you have it. | ||
| But I parked at the airport because I don't want to park my Porsche at the airport overnight. | ||
| You parked that at the airport? | ||
| Yeah, I parked that at the airport. | ||
| And then I thought I'd have time to go home because I landed this morning from San Francisco. | ||
| I thought I'd have time to go home and change the cars out and then come here and take a shower or whatever, but I didn't. | ||
| So I was like, ah, fuck, I'll just drive all the way down there. | ||
| Go on the 405 over the hill. | ||
| It's lovely though. | ||
| The wind's in my face. | ||
| I got fucking 80s rock on. | ||
| I was feeling myself, man. | ||
| People are looking at me like, that's either the coolest guy I've ever seen or the biggest tool in the world. | ||
| It's fucking, hit me with your best shot! | ||
| I'm just fucking flying, man. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You were listening to Pat Bennett talk? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah! | |
| Just wild as shit, too. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I love it, man. | ||
| Because, again, I would never get on a motorcycle. | ||
| Because this thing's so big, so it's a little safer. | ||
| A little safer. | ||
| People can see it. | ||
| Like, motorcycles get fucked up, can't see it. | ||
| That's a big part. | ||
| But this thing, I mean, winds in my face, I can see, like, everything, man. | ||
| Like a car, you're showing clothes. | ||
| This, I love it. | ||
| And the stick shift, like, I feel like I'm one with the road. | ||
| Oh, it's a real stick. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| With a clutch. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That thing's nasty. | ||
| Isn't that much better? | ||
| It is and it isn't. | ||
| It's way better for driving. | ||
| I feel more, like I said, with the road. | ||
| I feel like Paul Newman or some shit, like a race car driver. | ||
| Especially with that thing. | ||
| That seems like the sweet spot between a motorcycle and a car. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's why it makes sense. | ||
| And the gas mileage on it is super beastie. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Oh, it probably weighs nothing, right? | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| A little engine in it. | ||
| It's fast. | ||
| What do you think it weighs? | ||
| Can you pick it up? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We should try after this. | ||
| Yeah, we should try to pick it up. | ||
| You and I can definitely pick it up. | ||
| If it weighs somewhere around, like a really light, light car is supposed to be the most fun to drive. | ||
| Let's say like a 1973 Porsche, because they're not that powerful, but they don't really need to be. | ||
| If a 1973 Porsche has like 200 horsepower, it's like, wow, this is a fast little car. | ||
| Because you can get them down to like 1,900 pounds. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| My GT3 is 3,000 pounds, so think of that. | ||
| Which is nuts. | ||
| It's very light. | ||
| That's why when you're buying a Porsche, if you get the Targa, they're so much heavier. | ||
| Because they have that glass and they're heavy as fuck. | ||
| Yeah, all that bullshit going on up there. | ||
| They do look cool. | ||
| But I don't think they are, especially the old ones, I don't think they're the most rigid. | ||
| I don't think they had that. | ||
| I used to have an NSX that had a Targa top. | ||
| What do you got here? | ||
| 1700. What year is that? | ||
| Oh, that's the slingshot. | ||
| I thought you were saying Porsche. | ||
| Wow, that's light. | ||
| That's like lighter than probably one of the lightest cars you could get. | ||
| Now, here's the stickler. | ||
| No airbags. | ||
| So if someone were to hit me... | ||
| That's no bueno. | ||
| I live life on the edge, though, fellas. | ||
| You're living on the edge! | ||
| How do you get away with having no airbags? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| I'm not sure. | ||
| It's basically a motorcycle. | ||
| It's considered a motorcycle on the street. | ||
| But they say cops, if they see you without a helmet, they will pull you over and pound the car. | ||
| These things are so new, they think I'm like some... | ||
| Low budget, Alleycat, Bruce Wayne or something like that, they thumbs up. | ||
| I passed seven of them. | ||
| Even if you don't have a helmet on? | ||
| Yeah, and I go in carpool. | ||
| I go in carpool like an asshole. | ||
| Just blaring 80s rock. | ||
| Wait a minute, you go in carpool because it's a motorcycle? | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, well, classically it's a motorcycle. | ||
| Wow, you could go in the HOV in that? | ||
| I'm not sure, Joe. | ||
| There's really no rules. | ||
| I'm kind of in no man's land right now. | ||
| How funny is that? | ||
| You're allowed to go in the carpool lane in a fucking motorcycle. | ||
| That's the opposite of carpooling. | ||
| Isn't it weird? | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| Like, if you're carpooling on a motorcycle, you're putting somebody at risk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Correct. | |
| You know, if you get somebody on the back with you, every time I see a guy on a motorcycle, I see one person. | ||
| I see like, well, it's dangerous, but it's a guy on a motorcycle. | ||
| I see two people on a motorcycle. | ||
| I go, well, this is exponentially more dangerous. | ||
| And usually it's this girl on the back with like, she has Daisy Dukes on her or something. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And how good are you at adjusting with that extra 125 pounds in the back? | ||
| And her! | ||
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Her. | ||
| That extra 125 pounds or whatever she weighs. | ||
| Let's go 140. Let's make her a real woman. | ||
| Let's say she's thick. | ||
| 150 pounds. | ||
| So if you've got 150 pounds behind you, how good are you at correcting for that? | ||
| Have you really practiced that? | ||
| Are you good? | ||
| In the moment, when the shit hits the fan, do you make good decisions? | ||
| Do you even know if you do? | ||
| I think it's one of those things where, does it matter? | ||
| If you're both on a motorcycle and you have Daisy Dukes on and you crash? | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| Meat goes everywhere. | ||
| Super meaty. | ||
| Just chunks of meat hit the gravel and rip apart. | ||
| That's such a terrible way to go. | ||
| Barefoot in shorts. | ||
| No shirt. | ||
| Riding a motorcycle. | ||
| A real motorcycle. | ||
| And you could do that in Colorado. | ||
| You don't have to have a helmet. | ||
| I think Nevada has no helmet, too. | ||
| There's a bunch of places like that. | ||
| Arizona, no helmets. | ||
| I saw these dudes riding around in Harley-Davidson's, no helmet, and I was like, what? | ||
| It's kind of fair, though. | ||
| Like, if you're going to ride a motorcycle, how are you going to tell them to wear a helmet? | ||
| If they don't want to wear one, who gives a fuck? | ||
| Because that's the only thing that could save their life. | ||
| I know, but if they're on a motorcycle, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, whatever, man. | ||
| This is how I like to live. | ||
| Well, there's an argument there, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| I don't think you should be able to tell people what to do, but I think guidelines for young people are very important because they make impulsive decisions, and you could protect more of them if you made a mandatory helmet law. | ||
| Maybe you should say, up to age 30, and over age 30, you do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Well, that's why they do it, because you can't have all those loopholes, can you? | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That makes sense. | |
| I think the reason why they do it is for insurance. | ||
| I think insurance policies, they don't want to pay out for injuries and death and all that shit. | ||
| That's why they make seatbelt laws. | ||
| That's why they make helmet laws. | ||
| I don't really think it's to protect people. | ||
| I think protecting people is a consequence of protecting their money. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Insurance on it. | ||
| How gross is that? | ||
| I'm pretty sure that's true, though. | ||
| That's life, son. | ||
| Business. | ||
| They realize how many people get injured. | ||
| And how much they have to pay. | ||
| So they factor it in. | ||
| They say, well, just lobby for more protection in the cars, more airbags, airbags mandatory, seatbelts, all that different stuff. | ||
| A lot of that is really under the guise of protecting us. | ||
| It's really protecting insurance companies' money. | ||
| It's nasty. | ||
| They say your odds of getting in a motorcycle accident, your first year of owning a motorcycle, are 99%. | ||
| 99% of people get in some sort of, they wreck it, they do something, their first year of driving a motorcycle. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's why you don't buy a super fancy motorcycle your first year. | ||
| Did you ever see Dean Del Rey when he wiped? | ||
| No. | ||
| He wiped back when he was fat, Dean. | ||
| Dean got off sugar. | ||
| Completely, really impressive, actually. | ||
| He was always, it was never fat, but he was a guy who was not taking care of himself. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Not going to the gym. | ||
| And he got real thick. | ||
| And he was on a motorcycle and some crazy meth head cut him off. | ||
| Some lady. | ||
| It might have been a stolen car. | ||
| It was something like super sketchy. | ||
| But she crashed into him. | ||
| He wiped. | ||
| She never stopped. | ||
| And he just got toe up. | ||
| All of his side, his legs, his arm. | ||
| He just got... | ||
| Severely jacked. | ||
| Yeah, there he is. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dean Del Rey, living life. | ||
| There's a picture of the actual wound, if you could find it. | ||
| He put up the actual wound, especially on his back and side. | ||
| It's really bad. | ||
| I mean, he fucking... | ||
| I mean, if I'm going to crash, I want it to be because of my air, not some random lady not seeing me on meth. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it ain't... | ||
| No, it's not in there. | ||
| There's a picture of it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Well, no worries. | ||
| But anyway, all that white shit all over his side, those bandages, I mean, that's how big the fucking giant tear is. | ||
| It goes, his skin is fucked up for like a good solid foot and a half. | ||
| How funny is this? | ||
| So in the NFL, NBA, NHL, motorcycles are illegal. | ||
| Once you sign that contract, you cannot drive a motorcycle. | ||
| I'm sure there's guys that have them, but legally it will void your contract. | ||
| In the UFC, you can win a motorcycle. | ||
| They give you motorcycles. | ||
| That's because of the deal with Harley. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Isn't it weird? | ||
| Yeah, well, they're also like, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, you got to think of who was running the UFC, right? | ||
| It was owned by two guys, the Fertittas, that were independently very wealthy already and very wise business. | ||
| And they were fans. | ||
| So they decided, fuck this. | ||
| Let's just try to make this work. | ||
| Try to make it real. | ||
| They hired Dana fucking White to be the president, who's crazy. | ||
| And it all worked. | ||
| It was beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
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In a good way. | |
| It was a good... | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Like, his craziness is part of the reason why it's so appealing. | ||
| Like, when Oscar De La Hoya was talking shit about the Mayweather-McGregor fight, and he goes, he was like, LOL, is this guy sniffing coke again? | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Such a race. | ||
| Such a rose. | ||
|
unidentified
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I was like, whoa. | |
| Meanwhile, did he even go into the cross-dressing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| See? | ||
|
unidentified
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Not at all. | |
| That's a jab. | ||
| He could have gotten nasty. | ||
| That's a jab. | ||
| He could have came with that straight right. | ||
| The sniffing coke. | ||
| A lot of people sniff coke. | ||
|
unidentified
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All right, buddy. | |
| Don't fucking... | ||
| But don't... | ||
| Don't make the fucking cross-dressing! | ||
| Don't make the UFC with the whatever 10 million followers blast a picture in high heels, bitch. | ||
| And it went out without even him having to do it. | ||
| If it's one thing, too, if it's an obvious second thing, and you say the first thing and be real mild, everybody else would pick up the slack. | ||
| They assume. | ||
| Did you see Dos Brax? | ||
| Yeah, at Dos Brax. | ||
| That guy's hilarious. | ||
| Did you see the graphic he made of Triple G Canelo? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| And Oscar Delo is in the middle as a cross-dresser. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He did one of me with a fanny pack on. | ||
| It was sick. | ||
| Look at this! | ||
|
unidentified
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Jesus Christ! | |
| Jesus Christ, that's funny. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oscar. | ||
| Oscar, shut the fuck up. | ||
| Yeah, please shut the fuck up. | ||
| Oscar was smart though because with all the hype of Mayweather and McGregor, he would go on and shit on it, right? | ||
| Shit on the fight, just to hype up his fight though. | ||
| Go to that Nate and Nick picture that's everyone's on steroids. | ||
| Go scroll up. | ||
| Scroll up to the top. | ||
| That one's hilarious. | ||
| Everybody is on steroids. | ||
| What a great picture. | ||
| It's so hilarious. | ||
| Meanwhile, they might be right. | ||
| Yeah, they might be right. | ||
| You know what I started watching last night? | ||
| I don't know if you'd say it, Icarus or Icarus? | ||
| On Netflix? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's all about doping and this guy who's helping the Russian team to do it. | ||
| There was one estimate that it was somewhere in the high 90s of Russian athletes are on performance-enhancing drugs. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| That's my thing with this whole Jon Jones stuff. | ||
| I go back and forth. | ||
| I'm going to quote our friend Eddie Bravo. | ||
| When you look into it... | ||
| When you look into it, that Toronto ball, like so many guys, an article came out today, I think on Fox, Fox Sports, an article came out today of this guy who's a minor league baseball player, and he's pro now, and he's tested twice for it, positive, and a third time, and he's waiting to see if he gets banned for life, because three strikes, you're out in baseball. | ||
| Banned for life. | ||
| And they're saying how many guys in baseball test hot for this Toronto ball. | ||
| And they say in GNC, they have 47 products at GNC that this can show up as. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I know. | ||
| So I saw that and I'm like, ah, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, but wait a minute. | ||
| He's not supposed to be taking anything. | ||
| You're talking about a guy who's already lost his ability to make a living from Mexican dick pills. | ||
| Like, why would he ever just take something off the shelf at GNC? Well, we're not giving the guy kudos because he's the smartest tool in the shed. | ||
| Sharpest. | ||
|
unidentified
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Sharpest. | |
| Sharpest tool in the shed. | ||
| Smartest tool in the shed. | ||
| Well, tools are smart, too. | ||
| Gotta smoke the little weed. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I do get it. | ||
| He might have been like, I need energy. | ||
| Give me this. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Just some guy on the front with bolts out of his neck and he takes that. | ||
| Dude, the truth is I would never do steroids. | ||
| I put that on my children. | ||
| I put that on my Heavenly Father. | ||
| He did not bring Heavenly Father on me. | ||
| I love how he capitalized Heavenly and Father. | ||
| Because for sure, do that. | ||
| You don't want to go to hell. | ||
| Hespec. | ||
| Hespec. | ||
| Jones 30. Imagine if he comes back at 34 and still fucks everybody up. | ||
| But he's 260 pounds at heavyweight. | ||
| He's in heavyweight. | ||
| Yeah, fuck all this cutting weight. | ||
| Just go on a powerlifting rampage for the next four years. | ||
| Keep your body in shape. | ||
| He'll still fuck everybody up at heavyweight. | ||
| But if you look at that Toronto ball, man, and you see how many guys test hot for it, and they're like, what the fuck? | ||
| It's not in there. | ||
| I can see Jones' argument a little bit. | ||
| I know I go back and forth. | ||
| I'm off the Jones train. | ||
| But when I see that, and I see how big of an issue it is in baseball, in minor league baseball, USADA and the commission might be like, fuck, look at all these guys, man. | ||
| We got a real issue here. | ||
| Maybe he did fuck up. | ||
| So then I think... | ||
| There's no way they give him four years. | ||
| But I haven't heard of anybody else. | ||
| I haven't heard of anybody else testing positive for this stuff in the UFC. Have you? | ||
| Is it the same stuff Frank Mir test positive for? | ||
| This is the other thing. | ||
| Usually if a guy tests hot for something out of one of those major camps, other guys are going to test hot for the same stuff. | ||
| Unless he's getting it straight from the power lifter guys. | ||
| Yeah, or his NFL brothers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Didn't Frank Mir eat kangaroo? | |
| It was like tainted kangaroo meat, bro. | ||
| Was that the worst argument ever? | ||
| It was the worst ever. | ||
| Goddammit, Frank! | ||
| You're a smart guy, too! | ||
| You're the smartest tool in the shed! | ||
| Some people eat kangaroo, but it's not common table fare in Australia. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| No, I was just in Australia doing shows. | ||
| I didn't have a kangaroo burger. | ||
| No, fuck no. | ||
| They eat venison, beef, eating kangaroo. | ||
| Yeah, but did it say what he was flagged for? | ||
| This is my favorite part. | ||
| However, he was still given a maximum punishment by USADA because he claimed... | ||
| He listed numerous potential sources for the positive test, including eating kangaroo meat while in Australia. | ||
| USADA's like, what? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| That's the best you got. | ||
| We've heard a bunch of shit, but that's all you got. | ||
| Boy. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| It's like, how much does it help? | ||
| How much, like... | ||
| Think about what these guys are doing. | ||
| I mean, definitely steroids help, right? | ||
| Steroids make you a better athlete. | ||
| They allow you to recover. | ||
| Some say 10% better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hard to tell, though, because could John beat Daniel Cormier without that small dosage of Toronto ball? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He could. | ||
| That's what DC was saying. | ||
| He was like, the guy doesn't need to do it. | ||
| He's super talented. | ||
| He doesn't need to do it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's why when you look at the evidence, you're like, this small amount of Toronto ball, and you see all the other guys testing positive for it, how much would this really help him? | ||
| Would he risk all this? | ||
| To take something piss hot? | ||
| And it's really not helping that much? | ||
| And then where do we stop? | ||
| So right now we want to... | ||
| And listen, I've been the fucking poster boy of making fun of John on this stuff, but in all seriousness, where do we say, alright, most guys are doing it? | ||
| Because there's this... | ||
| I heard Luke Thomas talking about it. | ||
| They... | ||
| WADA, right? | ||
| You saw it in WADA, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, WADA's the big one. | ||
| I think in 2007 they did this survey of... | ||
| including fighters that were going overseas and competing, and they asked them kind of under the radar, how many guys are doing performance-enhancing drugs? | ||
| It was an alarming number, like 78%. | ||
| And that's people, you know, I bet it would be a little higher than that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| So we're going to tarnish John's name, and he's not the greatest of all time, but it's like, okay, but then you pay to watch Overeem fight. | ||
| You pay to watch Vitor Bell for a fight. | ||
| You know, like, we don't know exactly who's doing what. | ||
| Right, but if Overeem becomes a champ, I guarantee if he pisses hot as a champ, people turn on him, too. | ||
| No, I get it, but he's tested for way worse things than John has. | ||
| But he hasn't. | ||
| We tested for testosterone, right? | ||
| Didn't he? | ||
| It was just testosterone. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He had elevated testosterone levels. | ||
| Him and fucking Bain. | ||
| I mean, the same shit. | ||
| When he was Ubering, that's more than testosterone. | ||
| But he tested positive for that, didn't he? | ||
| And he said a doctor gave him a shot. | ||
| Wasn't that like the whole deal? | ||
| Some doctor gave him a shot for shoulder. | ||
| Those excuses don't work for... | ||
| I know, they don't. | ||
| I know, but let's just think about what they are. | ||
| So he tested positive for testosterone, I believe. | ||
| Well, if you test positive for that, and if he had an exemption, that means his levels were on that Vitor Belfort, Nate Markart shit, where they test you like, holy fuck, man! | ||
| How are you not growing another head? | ||
| He's one of the first guys popped by USADA, I believe. | ||
| He was also the one who, remember, he ran away. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| He's like, gotta go! | ||
| Gotta go! | ||
| Literally sprinted to his car. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| Goddamn, look at that big man run. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And then he had to come back. | ||
| He ran to his car? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They got him after a pre-fight PR thing. | ||
| And he's like, oh shit! | ||
| And then ran. | ||
| Like, you know how he runs in the octagon? | ||
| He was like, doing that. | ||
| And so... | ||
| He got away. | ||
| And he got in his car and drove off? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| What happens? | ||
| You get in serious trouble, right? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Someone convinced him to come back. | ||
| Probably Dana was like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Well, you remember what happened with Vanderlei. | ||
| They banned Vanderlei for life. | ||
| They said, for life! | ||
| I don't think that was USADA, though. | ||
| I feel like that was Nevada. | ||
| No, that was the Nevada Commission. | ||
| They're the same ones who wanted to ban Nick for life and fucking told Connor he owes him like $2 million and then he has to shoot a commercial for him. | ||
| $150,000. | ||
| And shoot a commercial. | ||
| What? | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| I'm not fighting here anymore. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Yeah, what was the commercial? | ||
| An anti-bullying commercial. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, they're hilarious. | |
| Listen, you pay us $150,000, shoot this commercial for free. | ||
| Why would I do an anti-bullying commercial when you're bullying me? | ||
| You're bullying me into doing an anti-bullying commercial? | ||
| Or Connor should just be like, all right, well, cool, I'll do the commercial, but I'm going to give you my rate. | ||
| It's about $2 million to do a commercial right now. | ||
| I need about $1.7 million. | ||
| That's what I need. | ||
| You guys owe me that. | ||
| So I'll pay the fine, but you owe me $1.7 million to do the commercial. | ||
| There's a lady in the Nevada State Athletic Commission that's very mean. | ||
| You know that one lady? | ||
| I think that's your job. | ||
| I'd be mean, too. | ||
| I forget who was... | ||
| Was it John Jones? | ||
| Was it Nick Diaz? | ||
| It might have been Nick Diaz. | ||
| But just the scolding that she was giving one of the fighters while this was all going down, when they were going over some sort of a positive test. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Because they're government officials, so they feel like they have this power, and it becomes like a tyranny. | ||
| They're not nice. | ||
| You don't have a personal relationship with this guy. | ||
| You shouldn't have personal issues. | ||
| This stern-faced anger in your voice, you're in some sort of a competition. | ||
| To convict someone and to punish them. | ||
| It's an ego thing. | ||
| Absolutely is. | ||
| It's not like, look, there can absolutely be, like, say what you want about the Golden Snitch, right, Nowitzki? | ||
| I like it. | ||
| So when I call Golden Snitch, that's a positive term. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| It's a fun thing to say. | ||
| Yeah, it's great. | ||
| Someone gave me a Golden Snitch toy last night. | ||
| You know from Harry Potter? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, there's a golden snitch in Harry Potter. | ||
| Carry on, though. | ||
| Nowitzki is never angry about it, never emotional about it, very factual. | ||
| Like, when he describes what a thing was, he's not casting judgment. | ||
| He's not being mean. | ||
| He's just saying, this is what we have. | ||
| He's doing his job. | ||
| He's doing his job. | ||
| He's not sitting back going, God, I want to catch John with this Toronto ball shit. | ||
| God, I hope that happens. | ||
| He's not doing any of that. | ||
| Also, you've got to realize, when they brought on Nowitzki, is they were trying to paint the picture to sell it for the most money possible to be taken serious. | ||
| So you sign this huge Reebok endorsement deal. | ||
| You start doing... | ||
| It's a pump and dump. | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| It's a goddamn pump and dump. | ||
| And then Frank and Lorenzo just sold the remaining shares, too. | ||
| Like, we're really out... | ||
| Yeah, someone was just telling me about how they do that with businesses. | ||
| Like, some businesses are not operating just to try to make a profit. | ||
| They're operating to sell. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And I went, what? | ||
| And then this one guy was telling me that his friend had a business that was operating that way, but then it didn't sell. | ||
| The sell fell apart, so then they have to change the business plan. | ||
| And then start making it a business to make money. | ||
| Like, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| Yeah, with the Fertittas, I mean, you're talking straight Mavericks when it comes to business. | ||
| So with all they have going on, they don't need the UFC to do well. | ||
| It doesn't help their lives. | ||
| Doesn't mean anything to them right now. | ||
| So they look at it as a business. | ||
| So let's take these steps. | ||
| Well, the strict testing could fuck guys down the road. | ||
| Don't care. | ||
| Reebok this. | ||
| Don't care. | ||
| That's not our deal. | ||
| This is what's going to make it look best for buyers. | ||
| That's what we're doing. | ||
| $4 billion. | ||
| Go fuck yourselves. | ||
| Have fun, fellas. | ||
| Genius strategy, really, when you think about it that way. | ||
| They'll probably teach it at Harvard. | ||
| What Dana and the Fertittas did, they'll probably teach it at Harvard. | ||
| Yeah, really think about it that way. | ||
| In terms of just a giant sum of money to be earned. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| They earned it, too, because you think about where the business was before they came along and how they were 40-plus million dollars in debt when they filmed The Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| They were losing so much fucking money. | ||
| Just hand over fist losing money. | ||
| At one point, Lorenzo had called Dana and said, let's sell it. | ||
| Try to find some buyers in the morning. | ||
| Then he woke up in the morning and changed his mind. | ||
| He's like, fuck that. | ||
| We're going to keep it. | ||
| I mean, that's how much money they were losing. | ||
| Not a lot of people would have done that. | ||
| Depends how much money I have in the bank. | ||
| Yeah, but even with a lot of money in the bank, you can't just keep chewing through money. | ||
| If you're $40 million in, that means in a couple years you're $100 million in. | ||
| You're going to get that $100 million back? | ||
| Not very likely. | ||
| How about their cousin bought the Houston Rockets for $2.2 billion? | ||
| That family is fucking... | ||
| Ballin'. | ||
| Hashtag ballin'. | ||
| Hashtag ballin'. | ||
| Johnny Depp needs a... | ||
| Yeah, Johnny Depp does need a loan. | ||
| Someone needs to tell Johnny he doesn't need 14 houses. | ||
| Johnny, settle down. | ||
| And a knife. | ||
| I mean, what kind of speed are you on when you sign the mortgage for that 14th house? | ||
| You're like, fuck it! | ||
| We're going in! | ||
| Just killing it. | ||
| But that 14th house, like, holy shit. | ||
| What do you do with those? | ||
| You don't do anything with them. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| It's an ego thing? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Johnny Depp's Kentucky horse farm fails to sell at auction. | ||
| How much did that bitch go for? | ||
| 2.9. | ||
| Does it just happen, no matter what? | ||
| Like, look up, scroll up and look at that picture of him. | ||
| Does it just happen, no matter what, that after a while you almost become like a caricature? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You become one of Tim Burton's characters? | |
| Yeah, I mean, you paint yourself as the odd fellow who's, you know, on the outside for the longest time, and then all of a sudden you become this blockbuster guy. | ||
| Because Johnny Depp for the longest time used to talk about, because he's a very respected actor. | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| And he used to talk about how he doesn't want to be Mr. Blockbuster guy. | ||
| And then he gets on Pirates of the Caribbean. | ||
| He probably just thinks it's a cool part. | ||
| But it's still Disney. | ||
| You know Disney don't fuck around. | ||
| Yeah, but it seems like a cool part. | ||
| I mean, so was Alice in Wonderland. | ||
| That didn't fuck his life up. | ||
| Alice in Wonderland was just great. | ||
| Good movie. | ||
| He was a great movie and he was awesome in it. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| As the Mad Hatter. | ||
| I was the Mad Hatter for Halloween. | ||
| I dressed up like him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a dope costume. | |
| I saw that. | ||
| That was sick. | ||
| But he's, you know, he's a legit brilliant actor. | ||
| And then all of a sudden he's in this blockbuster that's a Disney thing. | ||
| So all of a sudden he becomes this like huge international, just top of the food chain superstar. | ||
| Bro, he got a Jack Sparrow tattoo. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| He has the Sparrow on his forearm. | ||
| How would you feel like if I had a Fear Factor tattoo on my leg? | ||
| A big MTV sign on your neck? | ||
| How about it right here? | ||
| I wasn't on MTV. Oh, that's right. | ||
| But if it was on my thigh and it just said, Fear is not a factor for me? | ||
| On your ribs, fear is not a factor? | ||
| And you pull up in that slingshot? | ||
| Just a real dick move? | ||
| I would have to gold plate it. | ||
| I feel like that slingshot's missing some bling. | ||
| I need it to be shinier. | ||
| Yeah, sometimes, I don't know, man. | ||
| With Johnny Depp, he just got too into it. | ||
| Well, I just think, you know, when you're on something that you don't enjoy, it's one thing that does happen. | ||
| It happens to a lot of people on bad sitcoms that are making a ton of money. | ||
| They just start going crazy and buying all these things because they need these things to make them feel good because their work doesn't. | ||
| And the material. | ||
| Yeah, at least I'm working, but I'm going to get that new Ferrari. | ||
| That Ferrari 4, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| 459. 459. Is that the newest one? | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Keep going. | ||
| The top of the food chain, dope-ass Ferrari. | ||
| I mean, maybe you just like Ferraris, but then, you know, maybe you just buy a yacht, maybe you buy a this, and maybe you buy a that, and then you sign a deal to do the show that you don't even want to do anymore, but you have to sign that deal now, because you've got a $12 million mansion in Malibu! | ||
| Overlooking the ocean, motherfucker! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Malibu! | |
| I think... | ||
| Doesn't Johnny Depp have anyone in his life go... | ||
| No. | ||
| After Four House, he goes, God, you know, I might chill out on the fifth one, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You're not really even staying in the other ones. | ||
| This is just a theory. | ||
|
unidentified
|
At 10? | |
| No one's like, 10, bro? | ||
| I think we should take a break. | ||
| At 14? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is just a theory. | ||
| But I think that one of the things about a guy like Johnny Depp is if you want... | ||
| And I don't know this Amber Heard lady. | ||
| Who he was living with. | ||
| She seems nice enough to me. | ||
| Very beautiful. | ||
| Matter of fact, I read somewhere that she was, like, some computer program said that she was the most beautiful person alive. | ||
| That didn't even make sense to me, right? | ||
| Like, symmetrically, I guess, her eyes or something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, my computer's different. | ||
| My thought is, well, she's beautiful. | ||
| Yeah, she's cool. | ||
| But my thought is, when you're a dude like him, and you got a girl like that, and you're having a great time, one of the great things to do is probably just buy a ton of shit. | ||
| And just impress this girl. | ||
| And just take her on this journey. | ||
| What kind of ho wants 14 houses? | ||
| He's going crazy! | ||
| Well, he didn't buy 14 houses with her. | ||
| I'm sure he only bought a few. | ||
| Okay, eight. | ||
| But he's going crazy. | ||
| He's buying all kinds of shit. | ||
| And you think she loves that? | ||
| This is what I think. | ||
| I think things just escalate. | ||
| I think things just escalate. | ||
| Spiral out of control. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get away from yourself. | ||
| Next thing you know, you're standing on the fucking red carpet with eyeliner on, and silver chains, and your shirt is opening your chest, and you're acting like you're in some crazy indie rock band, and you're 53. You become a caricature. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're Jack Sparrow. | |
| You start dressing like what you think people want to see instead of you. | ||
| And you kind of forget who you are, maybe. | ||
| I mean, I'm not just saying just him. | ||
| I'm not picking on him. | ||
| Did you see Jim Carrey's latest interview? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| I was going to bring that up. | ||
| He's playing it. | ||
| Oh, were you? | ||
| But he's getting ready for a character who acts like that. | ||
| He's in character. | ||
| That's not Jim Carrey. | ||
| He's also my favorite human being, one of them. | ||
| But he's playing a character in that. | ||
| So he has a new role. | ||
| I forget who he's playing, but the guys... | ||
| They announced yesterday he signed for a new show on Showtime where he's playing a comedian that's freaking out later in life or something like that. | ||
| And that's what he's doing. | ||
| He was a part of the whole I'm dying up here thing. | ||
| He's a producer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he's playing a character of a comedian who's freaking out. | ||
| Who freaks out like that. | ||
| Like that's typical to that role. | ||
| So that's kind of what he's doing there. | ||
| He was supposed to play, or at least there's a rumor, that he was supposed to play Terrence McKenna. | ||
| In some sort of biography, the famed psychedelic adventurer Terrence McKenna. | ||
| He'd be great on that. | ||
| Oh, he'd be amazing on it. | ||
| Did you see him as Andy Dufresne? | ||
| I'm sorry, Andy Kaufman? | ||
| I was going to say, this video went around of him painting, too. | ||
| Yeah, he's got some really cool painting that he's been doing recently. | ||
| It's a real cool little piece. | ||
| That doesn't look recent. | ||
| It looks a lot younger there. | ||
| I think this has been probably a two or three year time period that this got made over. | ||
| It's a six-minute video. | ||
| Did you ever see his daughter? | ||
| That's cool stuff, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's a sick painter. | ||
| That thing with the neon and black. | ||
| Go back to that for a second, Jamie. | ||
| The thing with the neon and black that he was just... | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| Super talented. | ||
| That's really cool looking. | ||
| Did you see his daughter when she was on American Idol? | ||
| And the poor girl's getting ready to sing, you know, the biggest night of her life. | ||
| Like, let's go and wire it in to her famous father, Jim Carrey. | ||
| Jim's all, uh, hey. | ||
| He's like on Skype. | ||
| He's like, hey, baby, good luck. | ||
| They're like, take it away, little Carrey. | ||
| I'm like, oh, God. | ||
| What a shitty moment, man, for her. | ||
| Like, let her have her moment, man. | ||
| Don't bring your dad's Jim Carrey, for God's sakes. | ||
| Well, that's just television, man. | ||
| That's how they do it. | ||
| They go 100% cheese or don't go at all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They want to appeal to Joe Slackjaw sitting on his easy chair at home, just like this. | ||
| But I feel like even Joe Slackjaw doesn't like that bullshit. | ||
| There's enough people that do, and enough people that'll tolerate it. | ||
| See? | ||
| Ratings make to differ. | ||
| Well, they don't really. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They do, though. | |
| They still have good ratings. | ||
| It's just a tired show. | ||
| Well, it depends what it is. | ||
| If you think about most shows, ratings are down in general, but look at things that are more organic and real, like your show, like other podcasts, like other shows on YouTube, stuff like that, where it's not so bullshit, producer telling you how to feel, what opinions you should have. | ||
| But they're stuck in that model because they have commercials. | ||
| They're stuck in that model because those commercials that they have to interrupt their show with, everything has to kind of wrap up every few minutes. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| How many minutes do they go without commercials on a regular television show? | ||
| Well, Bubble Guppies lets you play the full thing, but... | ||
| I used to like bubblegubbies. | ||
| My kids love it. | ||
| Oh, my kid's obsessed. | ||
| They loved it when they were really little. | ||
| Let's find that out. | ||
| On a 22-minute show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like seven minutes or so. | ||
| Every seven minutes? | ||
| Roughly. | ||
| So every seven minutes for a sitcom, do you think they do the same for an hour show? | ||
| The breaks are different depending on the show, but it's like 12 minutes, 20 minutes. | ||
| You can never get real deep. | ||
| What if they front-loaded it like podcasting does? | ||
| No one's going to watch that part. | ||
| No one's watching me anyways. | ||
| Sometimes they do that, like, this show is brought to you commercial-free by, and then you don't get it, but they still announce that every fucking day. | ||
| That's probably the way to do it. | ||
| That's probably the way to do it, or product placement is the way to do it. | ||
| Just don't be gross. | ||
| Ooh, product placement's tough. | ||
| Yeah, you just can't be gross about it. | ||
| I mean, if someone is drinking a Coke, show a Coke. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that, as long as, you know, it makes sense for the scene. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, the idea that you're going to put stuff in there that doesn't belong for product placement, well, that's gross. | ||
| But if you could figure out some way where it's organic, I just think the model is terrible. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| It's so hilarious. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's all, what the fuck? | ||
| Powerful Rob Lowe. | ||
| Handsome. | ||
| Dimey. | ||
| Very handsome. | ||
| But I think they're going to start gravitating towards more of that realness. | ||
| They have to. | ||
| People smell bullshit now. | ||
| Yeah, but Joe Slackjaw sitting in his armchair... | ||
| In rural Illinois. | ||
| Sorry to pick on you, Illinois. | ||
| It's just I picked a state. | ||
| I could say Massachusetts. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Montana. | ||
| But he's just sitting there, and he's got his mouth open. | ||
| And maybe that appeals to him, and maybe you'll tolerate it. | ||
| And then there's that whole spectrum in between. | ||
| True. | ||
| Of people that, like, this is my favorite show. | ||
| I love it when people can't sing. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| I love it when they get up there, and they try to sing, and their voice cracks, and you know they're embarrassed. | ||
| Oh, that makes me feel so good. | ||
| People do... | ||
| I used to love it. | ||
| When I'd watch American Idol, my favorite part was the people that sucked. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| That's my favorite. | ||
| When they get all serious, that's like, oh, relax, man. | ||
| Hey, hey, hey, I gotta go. | ||
| All right, you're good. | ||
| I'm out. | ||
| Whatever happened to that lady who was like... | ||
| She looked like she was in her 50s. | ||
| Oh, and her teeth were all fucked up? | ||
| Susan Boyle. | ||
| That's America's Got Talent. | ||
| Which one was that? | ||
| X Factor in England. | ||
|
unidentified
|
X Factor. | |
| Was it X Factor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| What happened to her? | ||
| Is that Simon Cowell guys on everything? | ||
| He's ridiculous. | ||
| I heard she got like... | ||
| Hashtag ballin'. | ||
| Crazy ballin'. | ||
| Loves black girls. | ||
| I heard... | ||
| Not that that matters. | ||
| Who doesn't? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I heard Susan Boyle got paid bank and was like, fuck this fame thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Found her. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And someone's like, use some of the money on her teeth. | ||
| Britain's Got Talent. | ||
| Britain's Got Talent. | ||
| Remember how great she was? | ||
| Dude! | ||
| Remember when they just didn't expect it and she came out and just smashed it? | ||
| Smashed it. | ||
| Don't let her bite you though. | ||
| I remember I watched that clip and I was like, whoa! | ||
| I know. | ||
| That is crazy that she can sing that good. | ||
| She is right now. | ||
| It's her today. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| She's turned 50. What? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| She just turned 50? | ||
| She's my age? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| How's that possible? | ||
| Well, that's crazy. | ||
| That scares the fucking shit out of me. | ||
| You're aging like cheese, she's aging like fruit. | ||
| Wow, she's gotta use it or lose it, baby. | ||
| She's using her voice, man. | ||
| Yeah, but your body carries the voice around. | ||
| I'm sure she's still probably singing here and there. | ||
| She doesn't, like, tour. | ||
| I know she kind of bounced out of the spotlight, though. | ||
| Well, she lives simple. | ||
| Or she made money. | ||
| She probably made a ton of money. | ||
| Weight loss photos. | ||
| Oh, she's 56, son. | ||
| So that was when that was... | ||
| Can't even count. | ||
| When she won, she was 50. We'll see what Brogan looks like in six years, talking about that shit. | ||
| I'll probably look like her. | ||
| Yeah, all those talent shows are fucking weird, man. | ||
| You know, America's Got Talent, and... | ||
| What's the one with... | ||
| Is it Jennifer Lopez is on one of them now? | ||
| Oh, she has a dance show, right? | ||
| And then that country music guy is on with that other girl. | ||
| I'm about to bring back American Idol right now with Katy Perry hosting. | ||
| They're paying like 25 million bucks to be on that. | ||
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| Some crazy amount of money to host it. | ||
| He's like, hell no. | ||
| He would be on to... | ||
| Donald Trump hates black people! | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about Donald Trump going hard at ESPN? Yeah, but he's wrong. | |
| He's so wrong. | ||
| He's like, people are leaving? | ||
| No, their ratings are up. | ||
| Like, that's so crazy. | ||
| Ratings aren't up. | ||
| Are they down? | ||
| Yeah, they're down. | ||
| Not because of that, though. | ||
| Not because of him. | ||
| Oh, somebody said that their ratings are up, though. | ||
| They're like, recent ratings. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I just read things and I just go with them. | ||
| NFL's back. | ||
| I mean, they're just up because the summer's over. | ||
| But in general, they're down. | ||
| They had all those cuts. | ||
| They had to cut a bunch of people, budget cuts. | ||
| They cut so much talent. | ||
| But that... | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Jamel Hill. | ||
| Jamel Hill came out and was like on her... | ||
| Granted, she is an employee of VSPN, but on her personal social media on Twitter, she was saying he's a racist, stuff like this. | ||
| She said he's a white supremacist, and she said he's the worst president of her lifetime, and a lot of people said that. | ||
| It's just the fact that she's a public media figure, so everybody wanted her fired. | ||
| This is like this weird outrage culture we live in. | ||
| She's entitled to her fucking opinion. | ||
| Now, the thing is, does ESPN want people on their network being all political and talking about shit like that on their social media? | ||
| And do they have rules about that? | ||
| Because some companies do have rules about that. | ||
| Whether you agree with those rules or not, some companies do have rules on what you can and can't say on social media. | ||
| But here's the thing that I found fascinating. | ||
| Donald Trump didn't talk about her. | ||
| Talked about ESPN. I thought that was a chicken shit thing to do. | ||
| Like there was a woman who works for ESPN. African American. | ||
| Oh, yes, that's true. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| There's a woman that works for ESPN, a very specific person, not ESPN, you know, telling lies, should apologize or whatever the fuck he wrote. | ||
| He didn't call her out. | ||
| He didn't call her out. | ||
| I think he's... | ||
| He knows. | ||
| He can't do it. | ||
| Especially not now when everybody thinks you're a white supremacist. | ||
| You're going to pick on the black lady? | ||
| He'd pick on Rosie O'Donnell all day long, right? | ||
| He'll go after everybody else, call him a loser. | ||
| The girl in Miss America in her little speech slammed him too. | ||
| She said a whole bunch of shit about him and apparently no one's really gay. | ||
| Who's the host? | ||
| Is that Kirk Cameron? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| Looks like Kirk Cameron. | ||
| That's homeboy from Survivor. | ||
| What? | ||
| Who is it from Survivor? | ||
| Oh, I'm sorry, not from Survivor, from Bachelor Bachelorette. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| You ever seen him get roasted when he's accused of cheating on his girl? | ||
| Classic. | ||
| Anyways, yeah, that Miss America throws it down. | ||
| Yeah, she said a bunch of shit about Trump and no one's going after her necessarily. | ||
| She's quote-unquote gaining millions of fans right now. | ||
| Right, but what's interesting is I watched someone posted something about Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| Anthony Bourdain was caught by TMZ at the airport, okay? | ||
| Very quick, sort of silly interview. | ||
| They asked him a question, if you had to cook for Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump, what would you serve? | ||
| And he goes, hemlock. | ||
| And he walks away. | ||
| It's a joke! | ||
| It's a fucking one-liner! | ||
| He's also funny. | ||
| He's a funny guy. | ||
| He says a one-liner, and all these people are saying, should he be fired from CNN for saying that he would poison Trump if he had, you know, good luck, the Secret Service is going to contact you. | ||
| And so I look at his fucking Twitter page, man, and it's crazy. | ||
| All these fucking psychos are telling the Secret Service they should investigate at CNN. Are you going to fire him like you fired Reza Aslan? | ||
| What's wrong with people, man? | ||
| Outrage culture. | ||
| People are getting excited about things being outrageous. | ||
| Instead of just going, this weed has got me coughing. | ||
| Instead of just looking at it and going, well, I don't agree with that. | ||
| Fuck that guy. | ||
| Or going, well, that was obviously a joke, which is like the normal person would do. | ||
| It affects you like not at all. | ||
| Do you really think that Anthony Bourdain wants to fucking poison Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un? | ||
| And they should lose their jobs? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| She's amazing, by the way. | ||
| Outrage culture. | ||
| Outrage culture. | ||
| People just decide they can try to affect something, and then things start getting ramped up. | ||
| The momentum kicks in, all these other people jump on board, and they get excited about being a part of a group that wants to get Anthony Bourdain kicked off the air. | ||
| Because they want some sort of weird direction. | ||
| They think they're important enough where they can get these people fired, and they think if they get together enough, they're going to have the power to affect that person's life. | ||
| And they can even believe they're right. | ||
| Bunch of bitches, right? | ||
| And I kept saying, you know, threatening the life of POTUS. I kept saying POTUS, like, you guys, what are you talking about, the king? | ||
| You guys are out of your mind. | ||
| This is a person with a terrible job. | ||
| This ain't Game of Thrones. | ||
| Donald Trump is a person with a job that no one wants, okay? | ||
| That's what he is. | ||
| He doesn't want it. | ||
| Is he doing a good job at it? | ||
| No. | ||
| But is anybody doing a good job at it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think Obama was like the best president we ever had. | ||
| And you look at... | ||
| And I know people are going to get mad at me for this. | ||
| A lot of things that I think that he did that I don't agree with. | ||
| Like the way he went after the press. | ||
| The way he promised to protect whistleblowers, but he never did. | ||
| Like free speech and people having to give up their sources was... | ||
| Damaged heavily during Obama's administration. | ||
| The use of drones, unprecedented use of drones, unprecedented amount of civilian deaths during his administration. | ||
| The question is, how much of that was his fault? | ||
| How much can one man even control? | ||
| I mean, I think it's an impossible fucking job. | ||
| But the way he carries himself, like a person, I love more than anybody. | ||
| His character. | ||
| His character, the way he can enunciate clearly. | ||
| To me, he was like a good representative of what I would like to see as a calm, peaceful, educated American who's smart and is just affable. | ||
| He seems friendly and nice. | ||
| He seems like one of us. | ||
| He's the first president that kind of seemed like one of us where you could chill with him and I could actually relate to him. | ||
| Yes, the only one. | ||
| White House and a dick suck. | ||
| I think if I was alone with Clinton, I probably wouldn't be able to jive with him. | ||
| I just don't think, especially if you're alone and there's a chick in the room, I think he'd look right past you. | ||
| Yeah, you'd be like a distraction. | ||
| You'd be the cock block with him in the room. | ||
| Obama's not like that. | ||
| He's a straight up rooster. | ||
| I think Clinton's a straight up rooster. | ||
| Yeah, I feel you. | ||
| He's in that room. | ||
| He's like... | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| He just can't help himself. | ||
| Yeah, cocky. | ||
| He's just got that... | ||
| He's just slinging dick. | ||
| That's what he's here for. | ||
| That's what I'm here for. | ||
| I'm here to sling dick. | ||
| I ain't got time to talk to some fucking old comedian. | ||
| I'm here to sling dick. | ||
| Oh, you were a fan of me. | ||
| You voted for me. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Get the fuck out. | ||
|
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|
That was a long time ago, fuckface. | |
| I'm over here trying to get my dick wet. | ||
| Listen, love to talk to you, but I ain't got that much time. | ||
| Have you looked at me lately, motherfucker? | ||
| I'm dying. | ||
| Okay, I'm here for pussy. | ||
| And you're fucking this up, man. | ||
| Fucking hilarious. | ||
| That's exactly what I think. | ||
| I'm here for pussy. | ||
| Have you ever been on Air Force One? | ||
| You know, I still get to use it. | ||
|
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|
Does he? | |
| I wonder if they still get to use it. | ||
| They get Secret Service for the rest of their lives, right? | ||
| Yeah, but how do they fly around? | ||
| Do they fly around commercial? | ||
| It seems odd. | ||
| Although, President Carter was on a train high-fiving everyone. | ||
| Yeah, but President Carter was a beautiful person. | ||
| That's why he only lasted one term. | ||
| You know, they've negotiated with the hostages like in Iran to make sure that the hostages weren't released until after Ronald Reagan was elected president. | ||
| That is some dirty, dirty shit. | ||
| That means you kept Americans imprisoned extra so that you would look good and they would be released when this fucking actor with slick black hair Gotta crack a few eggs and make an omelet, my man. | ||
|
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|
Jesus Christ. | |
| It's so dirty. | ||
| None of that stuff surprises me when it comes to politics or sports. | ||
| None of it surprises me. | ||
| It's all business. | ||
| Reagan was also the first guy who used the religious groups of our country to get elected. | ||
| He got them on board with him. | ||
| Do what you gotta do. | ||
| Well, he brought in religion to politics in a lot of ways or made it popular and obvious that that was a good choice to align yourself. | ||
| No president today could be an atheist. | ||
| I don't think they would elect him. | ||
| I disagree. | ||
| Really? | ||
| What are they living for? | ||
| They're out there in the White House? | ||
| What if they launch a nuclear bomb? | ||
| They think that the end doesn't mean anything, okay? | ||
| I'm here for God's heavenly glory. | ||
| My heavenly father, I'm looking over my heavenly father right now. | ||
| What's the percentage of atheists in the United States now? | ||
| It's higher than ever. | ||
| Yeah, but it's still low. | ||
| I don't think so, man. | ||
|
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|
It's higher than ever. | |
| It's less than half. | ||
| No way! | ||
| Well, half, fuck's sakes. | ||
| But I think it's less than half. | ||
| Probably 30%. | ||
| Yeah, but you need those if you want to run for president. | ||
| Because people are more concerned about the Lord than they are about anything else. | ||
| Okay, 22% of the U.S. population is religiously unaffiliated. | ||
| Atheists make up 3.1%. | ||
| Agnostists make up 4% of the U.S. population. | ||
| So 22%. | ||
| So it says that 22%, but it says they're religiously unaffiliated. | ||
| Those are votes for the atheist president. | ||
| But I don't know if that means religiously unaffiliated. | ||
| Like, they could believe in God, but they just don't belong to a certain church. | ||
| Nah, we getting those votes. | ||
| Okay, 214 general. | ||
| Yeah, those votes, I think, would go towards a religious person if that person... | ||
| Go back, please. | ||
| If the person believes in God, the 214 General Social Survey reported that 21% of Americans had no religion, with 3% being atheists and 5% agnostic. | ||
| That's not even as much as I thought. | ||
| It's not that many people, man. | ||
| That's a bummer. | ||
| You cannot be, I just don't think, I shouldn't say this in a blanket term, because maybe it can happen, but I just think it's not a good strategy if you're just trying to get into office. | ||
| Because Trump was never religious, and now he talks about God all the time. | ||
| Now it's all, you know, God this and God that. | ||
| It's a strategy. | ||
| I mean, it's like words that you have to say, like ma'am and sir, that don't totally make sense to you. | ||
| Well, did you, I heard the, uh, I think the governor or maybe it's the mayor of Florida when the hurricane is about to hit, I'm watching, I'm just balls deep in it on the hurricane stuff. | ||
| He's interviewing, he goes, you know what, you know, your money's great, but the biggest thing is you just pray for us. | ||
| Just keep praying for us. | ||
| That's all we need. | ||
| We need your prayers before this thing hits. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you better figure shit out. | ||
| Like that, that, it sounds good. | ||
| And he was, everything, just keep praying for us. | ||
| Just pray. | ||
| That's all I ask. | ||
| Everyone here pray for us. | ||
| I'm like, man, you need more than that, brother. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| May it work, bro. | ||
| Did you see this going around yesterday afternoon? | ||
| Facebook got in trouble after some people were digging into the advertising thing that was going around also yesterday with the algorithms. | ||
| Some people were looking into the Russian. | ||
| I think someone uncovered that $100,000 had been paid to either some Russian ad agency or something. | ||
| I didn't follow the exact story, but digging into that, they found this. | ||
| Jew-haters? | ||
| What's the ad? | ||
| An algorithm created this tag to people and labeled them as Jew-haters, and so someone could buy a targeted ad to them, and what I guess they were assuming is that Trump people did it, or they were... | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| You're not saying this right. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Explain this more clearly. | ||
| So someone could put an ad on your page... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I could put out an ad if I was buying for Hillary, for instance, in this situation, or for Trump, and target it towards people that were labeled as Jew-haters. | ||
| Only the Jew-haters will see it. | ||
| Within Facebook. | ||
| Okay, so Facebook has a category of Jew-haters? | ||
| And they're saying it was done by a computer algorithm, not by a person. | ||
| It just sort of happened. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, and it's still being uncovered right now. | ||
| Yesterday, Jew Haters was trending on Twitter, and I was like, what is going on? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's why Facebook advertising is the best that there is, for anyone. | ||
| Because of the algorithms. | ||
| Yeah, because you can pick out a certain demographic. | ||
| If you have a show in San Francisco or in L.A., you can literally pick everyone in a 10-mile radius, and they will see that ad. | ||
| But that is such a crazy thing. | ||
| So for a Jew hater, you can figure it out. | ||
| Yeah, but what a crazy thing, the idea that you could reach a group of... | ||
| How about don't allow those people to be there? | ||
| Don't let them make Jewish accounts. | ||
| In the same vein, I was going to ask you a second ago, when you said you were looking at Anthony Bourdain's Twitter account, you saw a bunch of hate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you think that that could be bots? | ||
| Let me correct that. | ||
| It wasn't Anthony Bourdain's Twitter account. | ||
| It was under the tweet by TMZ that showed the video. | ||
| Then there was all the hate. | ||
| But I'm sure they probably went to his. | ||
| This makes it even easier to do then. | ||
| You could specifically buy Buy that hate for cheap. | ||
|
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|
You can buy that, but they also hire people that might be multiple trolls. | |
| What does that mean, buy that hate? | ||
| You could send the messages that you want, you could set up a couple keywords, and 500 accounts will just start sending those messages out. | ||
| Fake accounts? | ||
| Yeah, but how many people are going to go look through to find out how many of those accounts are fake? | ||
| Okay, but do you have to write out the tweet for those fake accounts? | ||
| It'll fill in the words. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| So how do you know if someone is doing that? | ||
| Great question. | ||
| They're finding that on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter. | ||
| They're finding it everywhere on the internet right now. | ||
| How do they know? | ||
| Well, they can tell by the algorithms and the computer programmers can figure it out. | ||
| Can they? | ||
| Fake accounts for sure. | ||
| And that's why when Twitter and Instagram, they can do a flush of all those bot accounts. | ||
| So you'll see a lot of people's followers, like Kim Kardashian, she lost like 3 million because they're a bunch of bot accounts, like fake accounts. | ||
| Well, there's so many fake... | ||
| I thought she lost 3 million when people saw her real ass. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've seen the porno. | ||
| Did you see that Mexican disaster? | ||
| No. | ||
| She was on the beach in Mexico and she didn't have her own photographer. | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| Do whatever you want. | ||
| I don't want to body shame. | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| But let me just explain my position on this. | ||
| When she shows all these pictures of her giant, perfect ass, she's showing an extremely unrealistic representation of a human being. | ||
| So what she does is she hires a photographer to follow her everywhere and take pictures, and then they Photoshop the shit out of them, they clean away all the lumps, and then she looks amazing, right? | ||
| So when she was on the beach, They were taking pictures of her and she didn't know they were there. | ||
| That is a dumper. | ||
| That's gross. | ||
| That is a dumper. | ||
| Okay, but here's the thing. | ||
| That's not real. | ||
| That is all fat that someone stuffed into your ass like a giant diaper. | ||
| And when they smooth it out and put it on Instagram with all the retouches and everything like that, this forces women to think that this is possible. | ||
| But this is normal. | ||
| My girl's ass beasters, by the way. | ||
| But it's real. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| And she's got a body that makes sense. | ||
| And she makes her look like Mr. Burns' ass. | ||
| Heck, if you have a giant head and then a tiny little nose, like one of them plastic surgery noses, people are going to go, hey, what's going on here? | ||
| This isn't right. | ||
| Like, you did something weird. | ||
| What she's doing is, it's not only not hot, the problem is she becomes famous and then it becomes a thing that people do. | ||
| Now, hold on. | ||
| Remember when we were talking about wigs? | ||
| Weren't you here when we were talking about powdered wigs? | ||
| Was that you? | ||
| Yeah, it was you and me that had big wigs. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| These fucking guys with syphilis that were losing their hair and started wearing wigs, everybody started shaving their head and wearing those goddamn powdered wigs because they looked like those guys. | ||
| They wanted to be cool. | ||
| You cannot hate on Kim Kardashian for making asses cool, my man. | ||
| No. | ||
| She's done us a service. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| It's not a real ass. | ||
| She didn't make asses cool. | ||
| J-Lo made asses cool way before Kim Kardashian. | ||
| I saw her ass in person. | ||
|
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|
And her shit was legit. | |
| Super legit. | ||
| I'm tight. | ||
| That's a real ass. | ||
| This is a disaster. | ||
| This is my problem with Kim Kardashian. | ||
| Not my problem with Kim Kardashian. | ||
| Granted, she's influenced a lot of people, and I would not kick her out of bed for you fucking graham crackers. | ||
| Look at those pictures. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Those pictures have been sent to a cartoonist. | ||
| Yeah, whatever. | ||
| They're not real. | ||
| The problem is, is her sister, her little sister. | ||
| So, like, my nanny's daughter's always around our house. | ||
| She's 12? | ||
| She's in seventh grade. | ||
| Every, most girls, especially in middle school, high school, everyone looks at Kylie Jenner like she's a fucking, like she's Prince Diana. | ||
| Like they think she's the shit. | ||
| Have you seen what that bitch has gone through? | ||
| It's insane, the plastic surgery you said. | ||
| You're talking complete reconstruction of her face, body, ass, titties, ribs. | ||
| Completely different person. | ||
| Skull reconstruction. | ||
| It's nuts, man. | ||
| You shaved her chin down. | ||
| Yes, and cheekbones to make her look like Kim and her ass. | ||
| Dude, they cut into the bone in her jaw. | ||
| When she was 16. What the fuck are we doing? | ||
| But now all these little girls look up to her like she's this huge role model. | ||
| And I ask them, like, why? | ||
| Why do you like her? | ||
| They're like, just the life. | ||
| And then, you know, she comes out with all this stuff. | ||
| She has Louis Vuitton. | ||
| She's driving G-Wagons and all this. | ||
| And they think, like, oh, that's what I need to get to. | ||
|
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|
Listen to me, man. | |
| Big wigs. | ||
| Big wigs. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| It's the same goddamn thing. | ||
| It's those dudes wearing wigs that everybody sees and they think they're the shit and so they want to copy them. | ||
| That's why it's dangerous. | ||
| A wig's different though. | ||
| It is, but it's not. | ||
| Same theory. | ||
| But it's the same theory. | ||
| It's the same thing that happens to people. | ||
| But what she's doing is bonkers. | ||
| But it doesn't matter. | ||
| It becomes a trend and then people get sucked into that trend and she becomes important. | ||
| Here's why I'm mad at myself. | ||
| I'm not mad at her. | ||
|
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Stop it all. | |
| I don't want to look at these pictures. | ||
| Stop it, Jamie. | ||
| Jamie loves the shit. | ||
| He's like, yes, they're talking gossip. | ||
| Jamie's like me. | ||
| I'm the one explaining all of it? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He'll come in. | ||
| Jamie will come in. | ||
| Do you hear what happened with Beyonce and Jay-Z? I'll go, no! | ||
| I'm with you, Jay. | ||
| I'm with you, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm the same. | |
| Beyonce and Jay-Z are apparently having issues. | ||
| Having issues? | ||
| Did you hear the tweet? | ||
| Kanye and Jay-Z are back. | ||
| They're back together? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Figured it out. | ||
| Get him his fucking Ritalin. | ||
| But with her, I get why people look at her and go, she's beautiful. | ||
| I'm mad at myself being like, goddamn, she's fine, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's beautiful. | |
| She's hot. | ||
| She's not an ugly woman. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| She's sexy now. | ||
| You mean the young daughter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Oh, I thought you were talking about Kim. | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Kim's great. | ||
| I'm talking about Kylie, who I think she's 21. But before, you know, basic white girl. | ||
| Average, flat-ass white girl. | ||
| Then now she's this video vixen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And I'm not mad at her. | ||
| Didn't she think that grabbing that ass would be like a water balloon? | ||
| Have you ever felt... | ||
| No. | ||
| What's it like? | ||
| Pretty glorious. | ||
| Really? | ||
| A fake one? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Not if they have implants. | ||
| But they can take fat from their stomach or their thighs and they inject the fat into the ass. | ||
| No difference. | ||
| Right, but when they waddle over to the bathroom and you see their ass going back and forth like a waterbed, doesn't that freak you out? | ||
| Nah, it encourages me to do. | ||
| There was a video of, what is that, Iggy Azalea? | ||
| Iggy Azalea. | ||
| Whatever her name is. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| There was a video of her shaking her ass and someone sent it to me. | ||
| They go, dude, what in the fuck is this? | ||
| Was it cool? | ||
| No. | ||
| She's wearing these skin-tight pants, and as she's shaking her ass, it's like... | ||
| You ever try to fuck on a waterbed? | ||
| Yeah, it's a nightmare. | ||
| Yeah, I had one when I was 21. It was a disaster. | ||
| I had one as a kid. | ||
| And then I swapped it out for one with baffles, which is actually pretty badass. | ||
| A waterbed that is... | ||
| Yeah, baffles are, it's not one giant bag. | ||
| It's a bunch of tubes. | ||
| That makes more sense. | ||
| So that when you get in there, it's pretty firm, but you feel the cool, the warmth in the waterbed. | ||
| Oh, that sounds nice. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| And you can fuck with one of those. | ||
| But with the other one, it's like... | ||
| Nightmare. | ||
| Oh, it's a nightmare. | ||
| It's like trying to fuck on a whale. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's horrible. | |
| That's a fucking nightmare. | ||
| It's like trying to fuck while you're paddleboarding. | ||
| It's trying to fuck on one of those vibrating machines. | ||
| It's just a nightmare. | ||
| So that's what her ass looks like. | ||
| She's shaking her ass and it's going back and forth and back and forth like some crazy ass camel thing. | ||
| Like you're storing water in that thing. | ||
| Ass camel? | ||
| It's like a camel hump. | ||
| Storing fruit back there? | ||
| She's storing water in it. | ||
| It's like there's something going on. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Who's this? | ||
| I mean, I'm not... | ||
| That's fine right there. | ||
| That's not the video. | ||
| That's a music video. | ||
| There was a video of her dancing on stage. | ||
| See, I wish I didn't like that stuff. | ||
| In pink pants. | ||
| Yeah, but this is like... | ||
| This is a... | ||
| That's a music video. | ||
| You might as well be looking at it. | ||
| That's a cartoon. | ||
| It's different colors. | ||
| It's negative, you know? | ||
| But that's the culture we live in. | ||
| That's what we like. | ||
| Not we, sir. | ||
| Not we. | ||
| You don't like big titties and big asses. | ||
| I don't like that disaster, and I don't like the trend. | ||
| I didn't ask that. | ||
| You like big titties and asses. | ||
| I like CrossFit chicks. | ||
| I like chicks that do squats and shit. | ||
| I like chicks that look good. | ||
| They look strong and healthy. | ||
| That's what looks good to me. | ||
| Like Callan's strong and healthy type of chicks? | ||
| Callan? | ||
| He's not here. | ||
| Let's leave him out of this. | ||
| Well, Callan loves the big, bulky, shredded girl who, if she had a dick, you'd be like, oh, that makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| I'm into girls that look like girls. | ||
| You like fit girls. | ||
| They look like girls who lift. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I'm with that. | ||
| That way, when you see their ass, you know that is an earned ass. | ||
| That's not some fat experiment in Dr. Frankenstein's lab. | ||
| I don't have to picture you with a tube running down your mouth to keep you alive. | ||
| But you got a fucking, you know, your nose is taped up and you're lying there with your eyes rolled back in your head while they fucking pumping into your ass like a caulking gun. | ||
| They're both at the same... | ||
| No, it's not! | ||
| It just depends, Joe. | ||
| The woman doesn't look as healthy, they're not as vibrant. | ||
| You see, a woman that's in shape... | ||
| She has some calluses with her dick up, though. | ||
| Like a man who's in shape. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| People like things that are healthy. | ||
| You're talking about sex, right? | ||
| You don't want to have sex with someone who's sick. | ||
| Right? | ||
| You don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't feel good. | ||
| You don't want to have sex with someone who's like, I'm barely making it. | ||
| Like, if you get a staph infection because someone's been pumping fat into your asshole, and then all of a sudden you're feeling sad, but you still have this big ass, is that sexy? | ||
| No! | ||
| That's not fun. | ||
| It's not exciting. | ||
| Like, you're looking at an unhealthy person's body, like, you look at her body like, that's not a working out body. | ||
| She doesn't work out. | ||
| If she does, she's working hard. | ||
| That's a lazy person's body. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| They want results, they want tomorrow. | ||
| And I'm not saying lazy person like, mom, that is a full-time job. | ||
| Listen, if you can't work out, I'm not blaming you. | ||
| If you don't want to work out, I'm not blaming you. | ||
| But if your fucking job is only to be a professional hot chick, and that's your body. | ||
| Bitch, you better work out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You gotta get on that horse. | ||
| At least eat organic. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about! | ||
| I like that. | ||
| I also love that. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| I like a gal. | ||
| I like a gal who does some deadlifts. | ||
| I like how she's using those pads to cover her shins. | ||
| There's something gross about girls with scarred up shins. | ||
| Unless they fight. | ||
| Unless they do Muay Thai. | ||
| And then it's kind of hot again. | ||
| Even then. | ||
| Then it's hot again. | ||
| Even then. | ||
| Just a gangster-ass chick with... | ||
| That was a good picture, Jamie. | ||
| I feel like bodies should be earned in the gym. | ||
| I mean, I just feel like pumping some stuff into your ass is... | ||
| What about titties, then? | ||
| But it's a trick. | ||
| What about titties? | ||
| That's where I vacillate. | ||
| Exactly, sir. | ||
| This is where I find holes in your game. | ||
| But here's the thing, you can't earn titties. | ||
| That's why I let it go. | ||
| Because you can't earn them. | ||
| You can earn an ass. | ||
| Well, kind of. | ||
| Some genetics. | ||
| A little bit. | ||
| Some of us genetics. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, come on. | ||
| Let's just be honest about what we're talking about here. | ||
| You can do some squats and deadlift, some lunges, build that ass up, eat carbs. | ||
| And even the genetics thing. | ||
| How much? | ||
| You could probably affect it. | ||
| You might not be able to get to J-Lo levels, but I bet you get to pretty perky levels. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know who's doing what. | ||
| I don't know how they're working out. | ||
| I don't know if they got a good trainer. | ||
| I don't know if they lift heavy. | ||
| Yeah, I'd have to see their program. | ||
| Yeah, you'd have to see their program. | ||
| You'd have to find out what their diet is. | ||
| People make a lot of goddamn excuses. | ||
| True, but sometimes genetics are genetics. | ||
| Like, Jamie's not going to get as big as fucking Yoel Romero. | ||
| It's just not in the cards. | ||
| 100% true, right? | ||
| Genetics do come into factor, but when you just blame genetics for everything, it's like, okay, but did you work? | ||
| How hard did you work? | ||
| Did you try? | ||
| Did you advance at all? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I agree. | |
| Where was your starting point? | ||
| Where are you at now? | ||
| And how much effort did you put in along the way? | ||
| And you're cool with titties because- Oh, Lord! | ||
| That's a real woman's ass! | ||
| She is so real. | ||
| She's 40 how old? | ||
| 80. 85 years old. | ||
| She might be 50. You know what the good thing about that? | ||
| You can shoot loads in there all day long and nothing's happening. | ||
| All day long. | ||
| No one's home. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Game over. | ||
| I think they're about to have a kid or they're trying to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| A-Rod and her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're trying to. | |
| Everybody's trying to. | ||
| You're all practicing. | ||
| I would try. | ||
| I saw her at the fight and I was like, I would impregnate her right now and figure it out. | ||
| No, she's probably still viable for another four or five years. | ||
| With her genetics? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Dude, she is a straight smoke show. | ||
| Yeah, that's superior genetics. | ||
| That's Latina superior genetics. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| But also hard work. | ||
| She works out hard, man. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Have you ever seen her dance routines and all the stuff that she does? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She works out hard. | |
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, she's a professional hot chick who's also a singer, who's also an actress. | ||
| She has talent. | ||
| These other girls' talent out do not. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But she also works hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| Super hard. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| That's sexy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's what I think, like, if you want to aspire, like, if you want to be a man, right? | ||
| You want to be built like The Rock, right? | ||
| I see The Rock on the fucking Instagram, in the gym, every goddamn day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're out here. | |
| We're getting it done. | ||
| You know, nobody works harder. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Have a good day, everybody! | ||
| He's all inspiring and shit. | ||
| He's jacked to the fucking gills. | ||
| He looks huge, right? | ||
| Clearly, MPDs, but yeah. | ||
| Clearly. | ||
| But that's an earned physique. | ||
| He's not stuffing fucking silicone plates in his muscles to puff him up. | ||
| He's not injecting synthol in there to look like one of them crazy Popeye dudes. | ||
| He's injecting other stuff, though. | ||
| It's a form. | ||
| But he's working out hard. | ||
| True, to get there. | ||
| He's working out hard. | ||
| I don't know what his test levels are. | ||
| They're probably elevated. | ||
| It's working! | ||
| It's working hard! | ||
| The point is, even with drugs, that's accessible. | ||
| It's still hard work. | ||
| Yes, and it's still a real muscle. | ||
| Where I draw the line. | ||
| Look, if girls could take a steroid that made them grow an ass, There wouldn't be a flat ass on the planet Earth! | ||
| Only in England. | ||
| There would be no girls! | ||
| The difference between girls and men is that. | ||
| Because there's a lot of guys who don't want to take steroids. | ||
| They're like, fuck that, I'm not gonna do that. | ||
| Most of them don't. | ||
| If steroids existed for women's asses, it would be as common as Botox. | ||
| They would all be jamming it in there. | ||
| Even more common. | ||
| Even more. | ||
| It'd be like being on the pill. | ||
| It'd be like here or die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every girl would have a fat ass. | ||
| If you could afford it. | ||
| If they could figure out a way to break... | ||
| Like I was driving on the street the other day, I saw a sign that said Botox, $12. | ||
| God, Doug, that's a deal. | ||
| For sure don't go there. | ||
| They will give you Bell's palsy. | ||
| So you had a stroke? | ||
| That's apparently a very tricky process. | ||
| You've got to know when you're shooting that stuff. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I saw a deal for LASIK eye surgery. | ||
| Buy one, get one. | ||
| In Venice, buy one, get one. | ||
| No, you cannot do that. | ||
| You cannot skimp on your eyeballs. | ||
| Please go to reputablelaserysurgeon.com Buy one, get one next to the weed clinic. | ||
| You don't want a deal on an eye surgery. | ||
| You do not want a deal on eye surgery, ass surgery, or tattoos. | ||
| Did you hear about that one person that got arrested? | ||
| They were giving people ass jobs, and they were pretending to be a doctor, and they weren't a doctor, and they were shooting all kinds of stuff into people's asses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were shooting cement. | |
| Cement into the ass of these people. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| What's wrong with people? | ||
| People are crazy. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| It's Kim Kardashian. | ||
| I blame Kim Kardashian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's a big reason. | |
| For that lady having a cement ass. | ||
| Because that lady's working at Walgreens like, fuck, I want to look like Kim Kardashian. | ||
| You grab her ass and you literally feel a rock of cement and they're like, what? | ||
| Do you have a tumor? | ||
| Is this cancer? | ||
| Is this a fucking kidney stone that didn't pass? | ||
| It got lodged up in your ass cheek? | ||
| It's nuts, man. | ||
| It made a ways through your hip and just lodged itself. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| With titties, I'm all about them. | ||
| I'm all about implants. | ||
| We go back to the thing. | ||
| You cannot earn big breasts. | ||
| You can't earn them. | ||
| So what about guys with calf implants? | ||
| Do you celebrate that? | ||
| No. | ||
| John Jones doesn't need them. | ||
| John Jones needs him and he doesn't need him. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| John Jones has the calf of an ankle. | ||
| And he doesn't care. | ||
| Not like a Samoan ankle. | ||
| He has the calf of a white girl ankle. | ||
| By the way, there's a glorious picture of Mark Hunt with a fanny pack that I put on Instagram today. | ||
| And a Hulk Hogan stash. | ||
| Yeah, how about that fanny pack? | ||
| Yeah, that fanny pack's pretty gangster. | ||
| So, please, buy, support. | ||
| Mark Hunt's new book is out now. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| It's a fucking camo fanny pack. | ||
| Extra points! | ||
| He's so gangster. | ||
| He's the most gangster guy ever. | ||
| I do love that stash. | ||
| You know, I saw an article, though, an interview they did with him that was very sad and disappointing. | ||
| About his upbringing? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That was terrible, too. | ||
| That's a rough story. | ||
| He overcame that. | ||
| It wasn't about that. | ||
| It was about his brain damage. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| What was he saying? | ||
| Saying he's already starting to slur his words and forget things. | ||
| That mustache and fanny pack shows me that. | ||
| I look for signs. | ||
| When I saw the mustache and that fanny pack, it was glorious. | ||
| You can't be afraid of the fanny pack. | ||
| I wear a fanny pack every day when I run. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| I don't wear it to the goddamn supermarket like a psycho. | ||
| I do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I do. | |
| They make sense, though, when you think about them. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| I just don't. | ||
| I just don't. | ||
| You should. | ||
| Do you want one? | ||
| I'd be down. | ||
| Okay, I'll give you one more. | ||
| All right, thanks, bro. | ||
| He was saying that he has brain trauma? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No shit, sir. | ||
| Yeah, no shit for sure, we know, but he was talking about it, that he's slurring his words and he's having trouble remembering things. | ||
| But he also said he was born to do this. | ||
| This is what he's supposed to do, and if he dies doing this, he'd be fine with that. | ||
| But there's a caveat to that. | ||
| He said, if I die in the ring, like I want to die in the ring, go out on my shield, but it better not be from someone who's on PEDs. | ||
| Yeah, and that's a really good point. | ||
| Four people out of the last five people he fought have either tested positive for PEDs or tested... | ||
| No, I think it was all PEDs because it was Brock. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| It was Alistair's test positive in the past for PEDs, Verdum, and Bigfoot. | ||
| And JDS right now is on... | ||
| It's a diuretic. | ||
| But I'm just saying, as far as failing tests, if you would just go by failed tests, if you look at Mark Hunt's career, and you went through, and guys that have tests positive, you're like, oh my, no wonder he's infuriated at people. | ||
| And he has brain trauma. | ||
| He's also superior genetics. | ||
| Like, Mark Hunt's genetics are insane. | ||
| Like, his ability to take a punch for years was ungodly. | ||
| You would see him get hit, and you'd be like, this doesn't even make sense. | ||
| He took crow-cop head kicks, bro. | ||
| What are you looking at? | ||
| What are you showing me? | ||
| Ah, let's just go through them. | ||
| Cro-Cop, Overeem, Silva. | ||
| Silva is tested positive. | ||
| Did Verdum test positive for something? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Verdum, when did he test positive? | ||
| A while ago. | ||
| Okay, so not Stipe. | ||
| Stipe is 100% legit. | ||
| Stipe is as clean as they come. | ||
| There's Bigfoot Silva again. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| He had a draw with him the first time. | ||
| He crushed him the second time. | ||
| Because the second time, USADA was involved and Bigfoot Silva wasn't on the juice. | ||
| The first time Bigfoot Silva was on the juice, he tested positive. | ||
| Not only that, he tested negative before the fight and positive after the fight. | ||
| Which means he juiced himself up before the fight. | ||
| And they had that incredible, epic five-round war. | ||
| You remember that fight? | ||
| I remember the fight. | ||
| It was so epic that Dana White had a bunch of Mark Hunt, Bigfoot, two. | ||
| They made, like, for two. | ||
| Before two ever happened, they printed up the jackets for two, and he sent me one. | ||
| And I was like, dude, I'm all in. | ||
| That was one of the craziest fights of all time. | ||
| And then, a week later, Bigfoot tests positive. | ||
| And he's like, this dumb motherfucker, like, this could have been, like, this incredible... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it was just... | ||
| Anthony Joshua Klitschko style. | ||
| Incredible, incredible matchup, right? | ||
| So he tests positive, and then USADA's on his ass. | ||
| Then they come back for the second fight, and Mark Hunt just smokes him in the first round. | ||
| I mean, just rammed through him. | ||
| But you just look at him, so you got Bigfoot, JDS is, you know, he's having his issues. | ||
| Then you got Ben Rothwell busted. | ||
| What I was going to say, though, is if anybody legitimately has a reason for using steroids, it's Bigfoot. | ||
| Because Bigfoot has real gigantism, and he had a tumor removed from his pituitary gland. | ||
| Like, his body doesn't produce testosterone right, or any hormones right. | ||
| His body's a wreck. | ||
| This is a gray area. | ||
| No, it's not gray. | ||
| He had a tumor. | ||
| He had to get brain surgery. | ||
| He had a tumor on his pituitary gland. | ||
| I'm aware of that. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| So even if you give him TRT, you'd have to regulate so much where he doesn't have such an advantage. | ||
| I'm not saying you should. | ||
| Because him without it is awful. | ||
| You can't even compete. | ||
| I'm saying more than that, maybe you shouldn't be able to compete. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Maybe this isn't the business for you if you have to have testosterone to compete. | ||
| Unless you want to go to Russia or Japan. | ||
| Which is what he's doing. | ||
| And he's getting murked out there. | ||
| Oh, well, he's probably done. | ||
| I mean, he's had so many crazy, crazy fights. | ||
| But he was the first guy to TKO Fedor. | ||
| Yeah, he was the first. | ||
| Remember that shit when he mounted him? | ||
| Remember when Fedor went for that ankle lock and his just giant fucking finger going like this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then just did work on him. | ||
| Yeah, Fedor was done. | ||
| Because Fedor, in all seriousness, should have been a 205 pounder. | ||
| He's just a tank who's just unbelievably talented and ridiculously skillful in his execution and just figured out a way to win. | ||
| Was lightning fast and fucked a lot of people up. | ||
| But goddammit, could you imagine if he got himself in ferocious shape at 205? | ||
| Nuts, man. | ||
| I can't imagine. | ||
| Dude, he was only like 240, right? | ||
| Yeah, 230, right? | ||
| 230, and a good solid 20 pounds of fat. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, so he's really like 218, which ain't shit to cut to 205. Nothing. | ||
| What? | ||
| Anthony Johnson goes, what? | ||
| Yeah, if he changed his diet, who knows? | ||
| He might literally be like 207. You know, if he lost all that weight. | ||
| Explosive. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a real belly and a side gut. | ||
| Straight up Russian dad gut. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that might be 25 pounds. | ||
| You know, I mean, he literally might be like 210. Back to Mark Hunt, and this is bombing me. | ||
| I gotta get this out. | ||
| So he says, hey, I see signs of brain trauma, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, I'm slurring my words speech. | ||
| Then isn't he a main event next month? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, at what point does, when you hear that, does the UFC and the commission go, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's stop, let's stop, let's stop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're slurring your words again. | ||
| Who's he fighting? | ||
| That Russian cat was ranked like 11. Right. | ||
| Not a big fight for fucking Mark Hunt. | ||
| I'd love to see Mark Hunt versus Francis. | ||
| Which Russian guy? | ||
| Is it Tibura? | ||
| I forget. | ||
| There's so many goddamn Russians now. | ||
| He's right named from Russia. | ||
| Russians are taking over the world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That Russian guy that stopped Stefan Struve. | ||
| That's pretty goddamn impressive. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he had the Moana tattoo of Stingray on his back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| The identical Moana tattoo that the grandma has. | ||
| Big fan. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| Another rock movie. | ||
| Yeah, that guy's a badass. | ||
| He's got a sweet left high kick. | ||
| Doesn't do much for Hunt. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| If you're Mark Hunt, you're like, alright, I'll do it. | ||
| At least I'm the main event in Australia. | ||
| But... | ||
| At what point do we have someone where we have a guy like the Golden Snitch in the UFC who's watching out for that stuff. | ||
| He's going, man, I saw Mark Hunt do an interview. | ||
| He has some real issues, man. | ||
| Someone to look out to take care of these guys. | ||
| Mark Hunt wants to go out on his shield. | ||
| I don't want to watch Mark Hunt in 10 years shitting his pants and drooling and doesn't remember his fight career. | ||
| I don't give a fuck if he beats that Russian guy in Australia. | ||
| He has nothing to prove. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's it do for him? | ||
| Well, at a certain point, you have to have some sort of a regulation that stops people from hurting themselves when they've taken too much damage and they can't make good decisions anymore, right? | ||
| But then it becomes a personal freedom issue. | ||
| Free will. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Because there's a certain amount of damage you're going to take. | ||
| There's fights that probably shouldn't get made, like Francis Ngannou versus almost anybody. | ||
| Almost anybody's just agreeing to getting your fucking head scrambled. | ||
| I mean, I want to see what happens with Alistair. | ||
| I want to see if Alistair can survive. | ||
| It's a scary fight for Alistair. | ||
| Yeah, because Ngannou clips him once and Alistair could be in deep, deep trouble. | ||
| But also, Francis has never fought a striker, a high-level striker, let alone the best of all time in the heavyweight division. | ||
| But you don't have the same chin, so it's an interesting matchup. | ||
| He's fast, too, man. | ||
| He's scary fast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alistair? | |
| Or Francis? | ||
| Francis. | ||
| Well, Alistair's clearly fast, too. | ||
| But Francis, all he has to do is touch that chin once. | ||
| True. | ||
| Francis puts people to sleep. | ||
| I gotta see him do it at a high level. | ||
| I do too. | ||
| Like a really high level before I jump on the train. | ||
| I think he has the capabilities, but... | ||
| Right. | ||
| When you watched it with Arlovsky, Arlovsky's already down the slope. | ||
| You know, he's already sliding way down. | ||
| He's been knocked out who knows how many times, right? | ||
| He's been down the slope, yeah. | ||
| He's been down the slope. | ||
| So that was impressive. | ||
| It was a good test. | ||
| Because Arlovsky still knocked out Travis Brown just a couple years ago. | ||
| He still can fuck you up. | ||
| In that barn burner, yeah. | ||
| Still can fuck you up. | ||
| You know, if you fuck up... | ||
| True. | ||
| I'm just saying that... | ||
| He fucked up Bigfoot, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| That was a while ago, though, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was. | |
| He went on that tear, and now it's over, but... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Stipe kind of ended that. | ||
| Yeah, Stipe ended that. | ||
| But a guy like... | ||
| I think JDS would be a good test for him. | ||
| Alistair Overeem would be pretty good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah, no, for sure. | ||
| Look, it's a great test. | ||
| Then I'm on board. | ||
| Because right now, to be honest, we need him. | ||
| We need a young killer, like a guy to bring some life into the heavyweight division. | ||
| He just has everything going as far as his ability to knock guys dead, his look. | ||
| I mean, he's just jacked. | ||
| He's so thick. | ||
| The markability's going to be tough until his English gets better. | ||
| Oh, uh-uh. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Chet Congo's coming out of the corner. | ||
| What'd you say, Joe? | ||
| He starts murking people at heavyweight, and you get a highlight reel, the heavyweight champion of the world. | ||
| Stipe's murking people. | ||
| He's from Cleveland, and he's not a draw. | ||
| He's murking everybody. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Is it a marketing thing? | ||
| 100%? | ||
| So they haven't done it right? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I'm not blaming the UFC. The public has to jump on. | ||
| The public. | ||
| It's not the UFC. I mean, Stipe's doing his thing. | ||
| UFC's doing their thing with them. | ||
| But sometimes the stars don't align where you become this crossover pop culture icon, fighter. | ||
| Fickle-ass public. | ||
| They're like, ah, white guy, standard. | ||
| What? | ||
| He's a firefighter, though. | ||
| Standard. | ||
| But he's knocked out everyone. | ||
| Standard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck you. | |
| How is that standard? | ||
| It's just people want... | ||
| But he's real humble and well-spoken and he's not cocky. | ||
| So they don't... | ||
| We're drawn to negativity. | ||
| We're drawn to the Jon Jones and the Conor McGregor. | ||
| They want that kind of hot take on them. | ||
| Yeah, but Conor wasn't really negative. | ||
| He's not negative, but he talks a lot of shit. | ||
| He's going to give you a hot take. | ||
| Steve Bay's not giving you a hot take. | ||
| He's working his ass off, training hard to win the fight. | ||
| Isn't that crazy that... | ||
| Well, with Conor, the thing that's so sensational about him is he has both of those things. | ||
| He has fighting ability, and he also has this crazy personality that's magnetic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you're a unicorn. | |
| Yeah, you're a unicorn. | ||
| Where Stipe just has the fighting ability and just, I don't know, I just love his work ethic. | ||
| I love the fact that he still has a fireman gig. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| I love it, man. | ||
| Knocking people dead. | ||
| Just your heavyweight champion of the world is not a draw, which is insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And even if Francis knocks out Alistair, knocks out Stipe, there's no way he's a draw. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's just these, and I don't have the formula, trust me, the UFC would hit me up if I did. | ||
| There's this weird superstar soup, and you have a few ingredients, and you're missing. | ||
| We don't know what the others are, but guys hit it. | ||
| Yeah, you hit it almost by chance. | ||
| Yeah, they just come around once every now and then. | ||
| Conor wasn't like that early in his career. | ||
| He was just good. | ||
| Not at all. | ||
| He was just a great fighter. | ||
| He was just looking promising, and then all of a sudden he gets to the UFC, he feels the crowd, all the Irish people behind him, and he starts just talking shit and going off, and then people love it, and then he talks more shit, goes off more, then he starts predicting what round he's going to merc people in, and then he starts pulling it off, and then he's like, who the fuck is that guy? | ||
| And everybody goes crazy. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| And then think about John. | ||
| John didn't get really mainstream-y ESPN coverage Good Morning America until he went bad. | ||
| Then people are like, oh, I want to see that badass fight. | ||
| And he's been amazing for how long? | ||
| He had a press conference that he said what I've always said. | ||
| He said at the end of the day, he goes, about him, I've always said about him, he goes, at the end of the day, I'm a bad motherfucker. | ||
| I'm a wild motherfucker. | ||
| That's what I want. | ||
| And that's what I do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Perfect. | |
| At the end of the day, that's what he said. | ||
| At the end of the day, I'm a wild motherfucker. | ||
| I'm like, that's what I've been saying! | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's it, brother? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Run with that. | ||
| I told him that too when I talked to him about it. | ||
| He wanted to have a conversation before he did the podcast and he wanted to come clean. | ||
| I go, dude, you're going to make mistakes. | ||
| You're a wild motherfucker. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| You don't get to be as good as you are without being a wild motherfucker. | ||
| You don't have to apologize for it there, John. | ||
| If he came out and went, listen, hell yeah, I'm going to make some mistakes and I'm probably going to make a lot more. | ||
| I'm a wild motherfucker. | ||
| I'm the baddest dude on the planet. | ||
| This is what you get. | ||
| Love it or hate it. | ||
| Drop the mic. | ||
| You just can't do things that hurt people, like the driving fucked up and smashing into that lady's car. | ||
| Take away the things that hurt people, and you're just out partying and having a good time, and you occasionally do blow. | ||
| Be that guy. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| That's a great guy. | ||
| That's a fun guy. | ||
| You've got to make sure you avoid hurting other people. | ||
| This. | ||
| This steroid thing is the goddamn, that's the knife in the heart. | ||
| Like I said, you gotta look into the strata ball stuff with the baseball and all these guys who have all these problems. | ||
| And at GNC it's in all these supplements. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| And again, I've been roasting John bad. | ||
| Because I'm upset. | ||
| I'm mad at him because he's my favorite fighter. | ||
| Right. | ||
| One of them. | ||
| So it is possible that he could have taken something as trace elements of this. | ||
| I've also seen that other things are recognized as that stuff in the test, but I have a hard time believing that USADA wouldn't know that. | ||
| I know, me too. | ||
| So I have a hard time, once they come clean with this, they come out with this, I don't think it's ever been proven once that they said that a person had tested positive for something and that that person had never actually taken that thing. | ||
| I've not seen that once. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| You saw it as so thorough. | ||
| Listen, man. | ||
| If you have the golden snitch on your trail, you're fucked. | ||
| He's like Sherlock Holmes of PEDs. | ||
| You are so fucked. | ||
| And again, just fucking dead calm about it. | ||
| Not judgmental. | ||
| Just the facts. | ||
| Going over the details of it. | ||
| This is what bothers me a little bit. | ||
| I'm going back and forth on John. | ||
| If my... | ||
| Career was in jeopardy. | ||
| I would be out there being like, listen, this is what fucking happened, man. | ||
| Hear me out. | ||
| I'm not going radio silent, sending these weird cryptic tweets doing this. | ||
| Even if my manager's like, dude, let's wait. | ||
| I'm doing a press conference like, listen to me right now, man. | ||
| Maybe I took this supplement. | ||
| I've never done steroids in my fucking life. | ||
| That is bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, but you can't say too much if it's going to go to some sort of an arbitration or a trial or I don't know what the process is. | ||
| You can if you didn't take it. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| He's got to find out if there is a way that something happened. | ||
| A loophole? | ||
| Maybe it's you, okay? | ||
| Say you take something. | ||
| From GMC, and maybe you take a bunch of shit, and you thought everything was good, and then you get tested positive. | ||
| Before you say anything, I never took steroids, like, you have to find out what the fuck it is was in those things. | ||
| So you have to report those things, and then they have to check, and then they have to independently buy those things from a shelf from somewhere else to do confirmation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's a process. | ||
| And it's one of the things that Jeff Nowitzki has said, you gotta let the process play out before you start accusing John. | ||
| So, there'll be a process. | ||
| I'm just saying, man... | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| A sample and B sample, it's not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| I just think it could go a long ways with his fans and everything going on if he came out and was just like, let me tell you guys, you're going to hear this. | ||
| Because the public right now, we see Test A, Test B, both positive. | ||
| Oh, fuck, steroids. | ||
| He's dead to me. | ||
| But if he came out... | ||
| You need to look at the tweet where he said that he never took steroids. | ||
| On his kids. | ||
| And then his Heavenly Father. | ||
| Remember he capitalized Heavenly and Father. | ||
| So we're skeptical. | ||
| So fuck off. | ||
| Fuck off, bro. | ||
| That actually made me go, hmm, he was on steroids, huh? | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| I was like, God damn it. | ||
| Alright, you're clear on steroids. | ||
| Yeah, when he went heavily farther, I was like, oh. | ||
| Alright, you're a bad guy. | ||
| He's a bad guy. | ||
| How about John does this and we're all like, oh, fucking the worst, greatest of all time, my ass, than Brian Cushion. | ||
| I don't even know how to do football. | ||
| Brian Cushion, captain of the Houston Texans. | ||
| He's been caught, I think, two or three times before. | ||
| Straight up test positive for PED, like straight up steroids. | ||
| And he's a monster, linebacker. | ||
| If he gets tested again, I think you're banned. | ||
| He's gonna miss like 10 games. | ||
| They docked $4 million of his paycheck. | ||
| The media doesn't make nothing about it. | ||
| This guy's a superstar. | ||
| Of course they're on steroids. | ||
| Everybody who's 360 pounds of solid muscle is on steroids. | ||
| But how crazy did we just give them a write-off? | ||
| They shouldn't be testing those guys. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| But he's playing a position, too, where he hits guys. | ||
| He's taking years off their life. | ||
| He's giving them brain trauma. | ||
| And he's rocking them jacked to the gills. | ||
| That's what people want to see. | ||
| If you want to see football, you want to see big giant guys colliding with each other. | ||
| You don't want to see natural athletes who are out there trying to fucking pound whey protein in the middle of the night. | ||
| Where do you want to see natural athletes? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Not in the UFC? That's a good question. | ||
| Hate to tell ya. | ||
| I hear ya. | ||
| Most of those guys aren't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I hear ya. | ||
| But there's weight classes in the UFC, and that's where it gets different. | ||
| Because you're talking about guys trying to get as big and as fast, as powerful as they can. | ||
| And we've all known forever, you ask the average person, do football players take PEDs? | ||
| They'd be like, of course they do. | ||
| Of course they do. | ||
| You're looking at these mountains. | ||
| Well, most people assume UFC fighters on PDs. | ||
| Like, I've had some talks. | ||
| And what did we say? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, there's a giant percentage. | ||
| But there's a different standard. | ||
| Way less are now, but I think for the longest time. | ||
| 42 supplements, including some that are available at GNC, can trigger a positive test for Toronto Ball. | ||
| Yeah, this is that Fox Sports article. | ||
| Baseball officials said the Cubs again were reminded this week that players should use only supplements certified by NSF International, an independent organization, to test and approve products. | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| So there's a lot of shit. | ||
| Look, the union, however, is concerned about the run of suspension of Terranobol and continues to seek evidence that might shed light on why some players are testing positive because so many guys are testing positive for it. | ||
| Well, isn't this a short-acting drug, though, that's out of your system fairly quickly? | ||
| I think that was the thing about this stuff. | ||
| Or is that not true? | ||
| There's even debate on that, though, Joe. | ||
| Yeah, why did I see something that said it had a 60-day window? | ||
| I've seen months, I've seen weeks, I've seen days, I've seen hours. | ||
| Again, we don't fucking know, do we? | ||
| For when it's been explained to me, the stuff that gets out of your system the quickest is those little edible testosterone things. | ||
| Like the gummies and stuff. | ||
| Yeah, but those are just a few hours. | ||
| And a few hours are out of your system. | ||
| The other thing, just like we're doing now with baseball, like Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, at the time we're like, oh my god, PEDs, home runs, that doesn't count. | ||
| Years go by, we're like, those guys are still pretty fucking good. | ||
| Even the pitchers were sauced up. | ||
| I think that could happen with John, too. | ||
| Like, five, ten years now, he's the greatest of all time still. | ||
| Yeah, but no, because Daniel Cormier wasn't sauced up. | ||
| Daniel Cormier was totally on the natch. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| You don't believe that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I assume he is. | ||
| No, I assume he is. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| I have no reason not to believe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know anything in this world anymore when it comes to PDs. | |
| Well, you know, you gotta think, man. | ||
| Your health's on the line. | ||
| Your future's on the line. | ||
| Your career's on the line. | ||
| You've been out of the game for... | ||
| Essentially, two and a half years plus. | ||
| One fight in between there. | ||
| The OSP fight. | ||
| But he's been out of cage for a long time. | ||
| You gotta fight the best in the world, DC. You gotta fight the best in the world. | ||
| Yeah, that's me, dog. | ||
| You got all this pressure on you. | ||
| And you just go, just a little bit. | ||
| Just get a little bit. | ||
| A little bit of help. | ||
| I don't know if you need that help if you're John. | ||
| Might not. | ||
| Might not need it. | ||
| Maybe go to the club, do a couple lines of coke. | ||
| That's his help. | ||
| Maybe it's one of those things where he's always used it. | ||
| Got away with it. | ||
| Now he didn't. | ||
| Maybe he took a supplement that had it in it. | ||
| I mean, we really don't know. | ||
| It's one of the things that Nowitzki stressed that I really believe. | ||
| You've got to kind of, before casting 100% judgment on him, you've got to let it play out. | ||
| But this is the thing, when you say let it play out, again, I know I'm playing both sides of the field here, but when you say let it play out, we know he has a history of fucking up. | ||
| So you're going to hang him before it's actually come out, because we go, no, he's consistently good at beating people up and fucking up. | ||
| And here's another fuck up. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why everyone's like, nope, he's done to me. | ||
| Well, it's depressing to us, right, as fans, because he's so fucking good. | ||
| And to know that he's going to be out possibly for four years now, that shit's just devastating to me. | ||
| We need him. | ||
| I know people go, no, we fucking need him. | ||
| He was going to fight Stipe for the heavyweight title, you fucks! | ||
| Stipe didn't even know about that. | ||
| Well, now you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| And that would have been a tough fight for Stipe. | ||
| And then he was going to fight Brock Lesnar. | ||
| Gustvin, Ozdemir, DC. There's so much out there. | ||
| Dude, John Jones versus Stipe for the heavyweight title would be... | ||
| Might as well talk about fucking dragons and Jon Snow. | ||
| It's because neither one of them is happening. | ||
| It's interesting, right? | ||
| It's like what your theory about the Fertittas pumping it up with Reebok and with USADA and then just to sell. | ||
| That's science, son. | ||
| What do you mean theory? | ||
| But it's a very good theory that I haven't heard before. | ||
| Oh, word. | ||
| I've never heard it. | ||
| Is your theory entirely your idea? | ||
| I mean, it's evidence. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Right, but... | ||
| The evidence was always there. | ||
| Yeah, always. | ||
| You just put two and two together, what they're doing. | ||
| That's genius. | ||
| I mean, if they really played at that 3D chess, that's fucking genius. | ||
| 100% that's what they're doing. | ||
| But it really is not... | ||
| They're so smart, man. | ||
| If you just bought it, and you were WME, you'd probably be like... | ||
| Infertita is there. | ||
| This... | ||
| It's the USADA thing. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| What are we doing with this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're going, hold on. | ||
| How long is it going? | ||
| I don't know what the deal is with USADA, because USADA is an employee of the UFC. Let's find out. | ||
| We realize that, right? | ||
| Let's find out how long the deal is with the UFC and USADA. Let's take a guess. | ||
| 10 years? | ||
| I think it's 10 years? | ||
| You can't do 10 years? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Golden Snitch can be buying 14 houses if it's 10 years. | ||
| But what happens if they abandon it and all of a sudden everybody just comes, like Eric Silva comes back, jacked. | ||
| Ratings go... | ||
| Everybody, Alistair, jacked. | ||
| Alistair goes back to being Uber-eam. | ||
| All he has to do is pass the one at the weigh-ins. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| We're going Sizzler. | ||
| They better pray to God the Golden Snitch contract runs out in the next two years. | ||
| You bring in that Russian cat from Icarus? | ||
| You bring in it. | ||
| Icarus, whatever it is. | ||
| You bring in everybody and anybody. | ||
| All the Russians. | ||
| They're the best at it. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| Bring them in. | ||
| This guy had this dude on a protocol. | ||
| I fell asleep while I was watching. | ||
| I only watched the first 15 minutes. | ||
| Then I went to bed. | ||
| I'm going to watch the rest of it tonight. | ||
| I've heard about it. | ||
| But he was... | ||
| Banging like five different things in his ass. | ||
| These like amber liquids. | ||
| It looked like Jack Daniels. | ||
| Was the guy Jack? | ||
| No, he's a cyclist. | ||
| He was a very thin, slim guy. | ||
| But he just started doing this. | ||
| He just started doing this while he was listening to this guy. | ||
| And I guess the idea is that they're going to test him and they're going to give him PEDs forever and he's going to test clean. | ||
| Oh, that's sick! | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I need to see the whole thing. | ||
| Like I said, like 15-20 minutes into it, I had to shut it off. | ||
| Yeah, if you're a WME, you're looking at that going, when's that contract up? | ||
| When's the Reebok deal? | ||
| You're literally going, you're going to tear it down and go, let us do it like you guys got it to this point. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, this isn't working for us now. | ||
| Yeah, those are two ideas that look good. | ||
| To sell to another company and make it legit. | ||
| But the thing is, like, if you can get a better deal, like, right, you have a deal with Reebok, goes for so long, and then if it's profitable for Reebok, then Adidas comes in and goes, hey, we like what you're doing here. | ||
| Let's switch it up. | ||
| Let's go Adidas. | ||
| And then you have a bidding war between Adidas and Reebok, and then maybe Nike thinks about it, too. | ||
| And, you know, if you can prove that you're cleaning the sport up, right, with USADA, that's a very smart move to get a big company to invest in the sport. | ||
| That's why you do it. | ||
| But the big company has to see some sort of a payback. | ||
| That's why people were pissed off because they were like, well, the sponsorship doesn't match what we were getting before. | ||
| And, you know, I know you had a real issue with that. | ||
| It was a big, like, $100,000 plus a fight. | ||
| Yeah, that was the biggest issue. | ||
| I like the uniform system and make it look like a professional sport. | ||
| But if you're going to bring in a major sponsor like that and then cut down guys' pays, then you're fucking the product. | ||
| You're fucking the fighters. | ||
| Yeah, and what you don't realize is you're actually fucking Reebok. | ||
| Yes as the UFC as the middleman You're screwing Reebok because no one had any issues with Reebok. | ||
| They're owning the CrossFit world They're doing things actually like I have no issues do like I talked to represent from Reebok the other day He want to send me a fight kit so for who? | ||
| I I forget who. | ||
| He said they have some new boxing shoes and some shorts you want to send me. | ||
| I'm like, alright, cool, man. | ||
| I would like Ioana's fight kit so I could spell her name. | ||
| I want mine. | ||
| How much, if I gave you 10 million dollars, do you think you could spell Ioana Jacek's last name? | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Not even close. | ||
| I bet she can't even spell it. | ||
| Get her together. | ||
| She's like, who it is this? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| This is Z or S. You found something, Jamie? | ||
| No, I don't see anything. | ||
| I just see that it's just a program they started together. | ||
| So they can cancel at any time, maybe? | ||
| I would imagine they probably could. | ||
| They committed money. | ||
| No, they have a contract. | ||
| It doesn't say that they have a long... | ||
| Is this USADA or Reebok? | ||
| The only thing I found is that the UFC has committed millions of dollars to in and out of competition testing. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| If they're being smart, though, for the UFC, to bring in a big sponsor like Reebok, that's a good way to ensure that you've got a clean sport that you represent. | ||
| You want to represent a clean sport. | ||
| That's why that fighter the other night when Gavin Tucker fought... | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I'm sure of Tucker because he's, you know, he's the guy who took the beat down, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| With that ref. | ||
| Right, that ref that stopped the fight. | ||
| Mitch? | ||
| Is this the M? No. | ||
| He looked great though. | ||
| Rick Glenn. | ||
| Rick the Gladiator Glenn. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| Rick Glenn. | ||
| Two first names. | ||
| Fantastic mustache. | ||
| Rick Glenn. | ||
| Two first names. | ||
| Rick Glenn beat the shit out of him. | ||
| Beat the brakes out of him. | ||
| Like way too much. | ||
| It was like the fight should have been stopped like minutes before. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| Yeah, it was not good. | ||
| Like when you see that, like if I was Reebok, I'd be like, hey, this guy can't do, we can't sponsor a fight with this guy as a ref ever again. | ||
| Reebok doesn't know the sport that well to do that. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| They know it now. | ||
| You know what I'd do if I was at the UFC, if I'm WME? I get rid of the snitch. | ||
| I don't say anything. | ||
| But I don't say anything. | ||
| I let people assume. | ||
| I let everyone assume. | ||
| I'm sure there's a non-disclosure on that. | ||
| You don't think the golden snitch is going to go on the Ariel Helwani show the moment he gets canned? | ||
| Maybe you pay him a fat sum and just be like, okay, just go away. | ||
| But let's not say anything we're not doing on the street. | ||
| They told me it was Brock Lesnar's urine. | ||
| It looked like Gatorade. | ||
| It looked like fucking gravy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't... | ||
| That's what I would do. | ||
| I would just take him out of the equation, not say anything to the public, and then all of a sudden you have all the monsters back. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| People are going to know. | ||
| How are they going to know? | ||
| We all assume. | ||
| They're gonna know. | ||
| They're gonna find out. | ||
| People are fans. | ||
| The general public won't find out. | ||
| Everybody's gonna find out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You don't think so? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| You think it wouldn't get out if USADA left? | ||
| If the UFC was like, what about the testing? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| We're still doing the testing. | ||
| What testing did they do before? | ||
| There were still tests, right? | ||
| Nevada State Athletic Commission tests, which would test after the weigh-in. | ||
| After the fight, depending on the main event. | ||
| You saw it as just the surprise testing whenever. | ||
| You saw it as 365 days a year. | ||
| And they also are way more thorough. | ||
| Their tests are very, very thorough. | ||
| They do blood. | ||
| The other one only does urine. | ||
| Victor Conte, the guy who got busted in the Balco scandal when he was on the podcast, what he said to me, he was like, if you fail one of those post-weigh-in tests, that's an intelligence test. | ||
| You're just a dummy. | ||
| He's like, anybody who knows what they're doing can pass those tests. | ||
| If you have a guy like him, you're dealing with these high-level guys, that's an easy test. | ||
| USADA though, there's no... | ||
| USADA's not... | ||
| They're keeping your piss and your blood for like seven years. | ||
| They're freezing that shit. | ||
| They're keeping it for seven years, man. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| They're gonna test it in seven years and strip people to the title. | ||
| You know, the Olympics has already done that. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| They busted Russians retroactively. | ||
| They busted two gold medalists. | ||
| I want to say, like, 2008? | ||
| Two gold medalists from 2008. They're like, yeah. | ||
| You imagine getting that call? | ||
| Who the fuck was that? | ||
| The Olympic Committee from fucking 2008 just stripped our gold medals. | ||
| Well, you know, they came real close to banning Russia from competing in Rio. | ||
| Didn't they ban some of their athletes? | ||
| Or was that China? | ||
| Did they ban, like, China's gymnastics team? | ||
| Do you have to give that back? | ||
| The medal? | ||
| Is someone going to come fucking take it from you? | ||
| Hell yeah. | ||
| Go to Siberia. | ||
| Who's going to take it? | ||
| That dude's out there. | ||
| Just hiding your ass. | ||
| Killing Pike with a knife. | ||
| They took like Reggie Bush. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| They took his Heisman. | ||
| You can't find it anymore. | ||
| And they took their trophies. | ||
| They took his Heisman for what? | ||
| For what reason? | ||
| Because that year, he received benefits, like he took money from boosters. | ||
| Oh, good lord. | ||
| And they're like, can I see that trophy, bitch? | ||
| They gave him money? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They took his Heisman? | |
| They gave his parents a house or something like that. | ||
| So they investigated and took all the shit. | ||
| And they voided all USC's wins that year. | ||
| All USC's wins? | ||
| Holy shit, because he violated the agreement? | ||
| Him and the coach, and they had a bunch of fuck-ups with NCAA. That is so bizarre. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You just have to act like it never happened. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| How can you... | ||
| All the wins? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| None of it counts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's out of the record books. | |
| I know, but the money was transpired. | ||
| People watched it on TV. You know what I mean? | ||
| The university made their money. | ||
| Well, it's like Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier. | ||
| You could call that a no contest all you want. | ||
| We saw Jon Jones beat Daniel to sleep. | ||
| We saw it. | ||
| We saw the high kick. | ||
| UFC made their money. | ||
| UFC made their money off that. | ||
| Yeah, but they're not thinking that way. | ||
| What they're thinking is it's a violation of the rules in terms of someone competing on a performance-enhancing drug. | ||
| They set up the rules. | ||
| The guy violated it, so they stripped his title as they're supposed to, and they reinstated it to DC. I'll do one better. | ||
| How about UFC 200 with Brock Lesnar? | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| And then, because you get all the bias for Brock Lesnar, then you realize he tests hot afterwards. | ||
| He's like, fuck, I'm WWE. Of course I was. | ||
| You're just like, ah, goddamn, bro. | ||
| He rides off in the sunset. | ||
| Well, a little. | ||
| You know, Brock Lesnar independently tested himself a shit ton of times leading up to that. | ||
| Well, listen. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| Listen to me. | ||
| Don't get crazy. | ||
| Don't get crazy. | ||
| When you independently test yourself, it's because you want to make sure that you're showing up clean. | ||
| It's not because you think you're clean, you want to show the world. | ||
| It's because you want to make sure, like, hey, is this showing up? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| We okay here? | ||
| Let's test out. | ||
| Like, is this really working, this chemistry? | ||
| There were multiple independent tests that he did, which you wouldn't have to do if you weren't taking anything. | ||
| He's trying to get whatever it is out of his system, trying to get his body up to baseline. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I mean, when you watched him in the WWE and he's 300 plus pounds, fucking jacked! | ||
| He looks the same. | ||
| He's a giant guy, you know, and he's 39 or something like that. | ||
| That was a dirty one. | ||
| That was the most dirtiest one of all time. | ||
| Well, that's another Mark Hunt beating. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And now he slurged speech. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alistair Overeem. | ||
| Ooh, that was the worst one. | ||
| That knee he took to the face. | ||
| Oh, I flatlined him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Straight up flatlined. | ||
| Right in front of us, man. | ||
| He was doing a toe curl. | ||
| You know when they get KO'd and they get that toe curl going on? | ||
| They sure do. | ||
| They do like the shocker with their feet. | ||
| That toe curl is hard to watch because you know that that's the whole body going... | ||
| It's weird people enjoy seeing that. | ||
| They don't enjoy seeing that. | ||
| They enjoy seeing the kick landing because it's so difficult and you know the consequences are so grave. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like... | |
| Like the way we're made up, you almost want to flinch when you see that someone's brain shuts off like that. | ||
| You should be genetically, you go, oh my god, you know? | ||
| You know, I just don't think the people that suffer the most start, they don't come out about it. | ||
| They just kind of go away. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Like guys like Don Frye. | ||
| You don't see Don Frye all the time being interviewed on TV. You don't think about his fight with Takayama when they both stood in front of each other and blasted each other in the face over and over and over again. | ||
| That's the older generation. | ||
| It's not in their nature to do that. | ||
| They're not very good on camera and stuff like that. | ||
| I think as you go on, you're going to see guys coming out, though. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I hope. | ||
| But just because people don't see them, they fade away. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| You're not in the spotlight. | ||
| Yeah, they're not in the spotlight, so people don't think about that. | ||
| When you think of fighting, you think of watching Tyron Woodley right now in his prime. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's doing damage. | ||
| He's had some good fights, but he's okay. | ||
| He's fine. | ||
| You think about his knockout loss to Nate Marquardt in Strikeforce. | ||
| That's the only real bad loss that he has. | ||
| The other losses... | ||
| It just doesn't seem like he's in a bad place. | ||
| But then you don't see guys that were in the UFC 15, 20 years ago that took crazy... | ||
| Like Gary Goodridge. | ||
| Big Daddy Goodridge, who went over to K-1. | ||
| And he's got crazy CTE now. | ||
| Horrible. | ||
| He talks about it, right? | ||
| He's trying to. | ||
| Yeah, he talks about it really openly, and he's got a great Twitter to follow. | ||
| Have you ever had him on here? | ||
| No. | ||
| Would you? | ||
| For sure, yeah. | ||
| To talk about that? | ||
| I mean, I'm sure he'd want to talk about that. | ||
| He'd want people to know, you know? | ||
| I just... | ||
| Obviously, if you're going to fight, brain trauma is one of the... | ||
| It's one of the consequences. | ||
| That's what we do. | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| So if he were to come on and be like, hey, I have brain trauma with CT, I don't feel like most people are like, oh, it's terrible, I'm not watching anymore. | ||
| Well, you feel bad, like, you know, you see someone slurring their words. | ||
| You ever see Joe Frazier before he died? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was on the Opie and Anthony show once, and I remember listening, and I was like, whoa, this is hard to listen to, man. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| There's some guys like that in the UFC. Yeah. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| Yes. | ||
| I won't mention names. | ||
| There's some guys who I'll have conversations with and I'm like, oh my god, man. | ||
| You don't see it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, nobody rides for free. | ||
| You get hit enough. | ||
| The weird thing is the number's different for everybody. | ||
| The number for one guy, like Mark Hunt, it took years and years and years and years and years and years for his chin to start to fail him. | ||
| You think about the K-1 fights he had, all the pride fights he had. | ||
| You know, I think he fought in Dream as well. | ||
| When did Melvin Manhoff knock him out? | ||
| Was that in Dream? | ||
| Uh, no. | ||
| That's Pride. | ||
|
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No? | |
| It was Pride? | ||
| It's just all the K1 bouts, man. | ||
| I mean, he was a K1 Grand Prix champion. | ||
| That was actually K1, yeah. | ||
| I mean, he fought some fucking war. | ||
| Was it a K1 MMA fight? | ||
| Yeah, it was K1. Yeah. | ||
| There's only so many of those fights you could have. | ||
| It is weird how certain guys get their capabilities to take punches so much longer than other guys. | ||
| We don't know what it is. | ||
| I think it's a structure thing. | ||
| The way they're built. | ||
| I think the way you're built. | ||
| Mark Hunt is built like a tank. | ||
| He's 5'10", 265. He's just a tank. | ||
| The other problem is width, size of his head, his body, his denseness. | ||
| When you see his shins, like when Mark is standing in front, his knees are giant. | ||
| His knees are like this big. | ||
| Everything's big. | ||
| His shins are huge. | ||
| He's like a thick-boned guy. | ||
| Well, the other issue is, is UFC's, especially as, I should say mixed martial arts, hate when everyone calls mixed martial arts UFC, but mixed martial arts is so new in the grand scheme of things compared to other sports. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We don't know the best way to train to stay healthy, to not get brain trouble. | ||
| We have not, people are trying to figure out, there's doctors, it just hasn't been around long enough. | ||
| Like in football, and the CFL just passed this, they're not allowed to put pads on in practice anymore. | ||
| They cannot hit in practice anymore. | ||
| That is a rule. | ||
| Smart. | ||
| And now the NFL's going, ah, we're going to look into that. | ||
| Now the NFL only has, I think, 14 days of pad work where they're in pads during the season, but they want to eliminate that. | ||
| But that sport's been around for a grip. | ||
| The best saving grace for the sport would be, or the best hope for the sport would be medical science. | ||
| Medical science comes along with some sort of stem cell regeneration thing that allows your brain to come back to 100%, which is totally possible. | ||
| They just have to crack the code. | ||
| You just think about what they can do with other parts of your body, the way they can repair things. | ||
| The brain is far more complicated than anything we have to deal with, but if you could somehow or another reignite the body's ability to heal itself, and in fact, They have a new chip that they're working on now where they install it in a person's body, and it reprograms your genes, and they think it can repair brain trauma, injuries, tissue damage, and even the effects of aging. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Yeah, it's a chip you put into your body, and it reprograms your genes. | ||
| And I think it's probably at some very embryonic stage of development. | ||
| It's going to be like $1 trillion, I know. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But they're probably trying to juice up excitement for it by making it this thing people talk about. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| I can imagine. | ||
| Look, dude, you know the story with my shoulder. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| My shoulder was fucked. | ||
| I was ready to get shoulder surgery. | ||
| It was hurting all the time. | ||
| It doesn't hurt at all. | ||
| Brain's a different animal, though. | ||
| It is. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's way more complicated. | ||
| Yeah, you listen to the scientists. | ||
| They go, you need a new heart. | ||
| We can make that. | ||
| You need lungs, muscle, bones. | ||
| We can make all that. | ||
| Can't help your brain right now. | ||
| Now, stop and think about where we were 50 years ago. | ||
| 50 years ago, none of those things were possible. | ||
| So all these ideas that are commonplace today were just... | ||
| It's science fiction 50 years ago. | ||
| 50 years from now, they might be able to use this chip. | ||
| Have you found that thing? | ||
| That chip? | ||
| The one I found isn't even new. | ||
| It's from three years ago, but it's made by DARPA. No, that's not what it is. | ||
| It's a new chip installed under skin that reprograms DNA and can heal injuries. | ||
| Forget about brain injury. | ||
| Just look at that. | ||
| New chip. | ||
| I think it can replicate and restore. | ||
| The idea behind it is it can program the genes to replicate and restore any sort of injury. | ||
| Did you read this on the forum or is this some legit shit? | ||
| No, I think it was livescience.com. | ||
| It's one of those science websites that I go to. | ||
| You know what's a bitch about that is by the time that's out, you and I would probably be dead. | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| It might be out real soon. | ||
| Breakthrough device heals organs with a single touch. | ||
| Device instantly delivers new DNA or RNA into living skin cells to change their function. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| They've developed a device that will switch cell function to rescue failing body functions with a single touch. | ||
| The technology known as tissue nanotransfection... | ||
| Injects genetic code into the skin cells, turning those skin cells into other types of cells required for treating disease conditions. | ||
|
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Goddamn! | |
| Boom! | ||
| Welcome to the future, motherfucker. | ||
| CTE out the window. | ||
| Football, no helmets, don't be a pussy. | ||
|
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Ah! | |
| We'll stitch you back up. | ||
| They have a bunch of dudes with boxes of these chips sitting by, and you're down, your head's mashed in like that fucking guy, the mountain from Game of Thrones, crushed. | ||
| And they just stick that shit on your eyeballs, just pop right back into place, like, whoa, that guy's strong. | ||
| Then we start, you know what happens then? | ||
| Sword fights. | ||
|
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|
Yes! | |
| Once they can just grab ahold of you real quick and bring you back to life. | ||
| It's gonna be a bitch if he gets stabbed, even if he can recover. | ||
| Sword fights would be like, you're not allowed to cut their head off. | ||
| Can't fix that. | ||
| Can't fix that. | ||
| Don't cut their fucking heads off. | ||
| It's like elbows to the back of the head when you got the back mount. | ||
|
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You can't do those. | |
| They're too effective. | ||
| Don't cut their heads off. | ||
| Within one week, active blood vessels appeared in the injured leg, and by the second week, the leg was saved. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Researchers studied mice and pigs in these experiments. | ||
| In the study, researchers were able to reprogram skin cells to become vascular cells in badly injured legs that lack blood flow. | ||
| So, amazing probably for people with diabetes, amazing for people that are suffering from all sorts of circulatory conditions. | ||
| Bro, it takes less than a second and is non-invasive. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Welcome to the new world. | ||
| It's like that Nas song. | ||
| The chip doesn't even stay in your body. | ||
| I think it says they can take it out. | ||
|
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Holy fuck! | |
| We're living in the future, bitch! | ||
| What are we talking about? | ||
| We're fixing shit! | ||
| Why isn't this bigger news? | ||
| Why isn't this on CNN and all that shit? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Fake news. | ||
| Powerful fake news. | ||
| They're too busy talking about Trump. | ||
| Earth's flat. | ||
| They're talking about whether or not Trump is a racist and whether or not that girl should get fired. | ||
| Instead of... | ||
| That is nuts! | ||
| Ooh, excitement! | ||
| Ooh, drama! | ||
| Ooh, drama! | ||
| How's that not exciting as shit? | ||
| It's exciting as shit. | ||
| I'm going to go bash my brains in. | ||
| We're in the new world, man, and this is just one step, right? | ||
| What is this going to be like 20 years? | ||
| We didn't see this coming. | ||
| What's it going to be like 20 years from now? | ||
| We don't know who's in Austria right now in some fucking laboratory with white gloves on. | ||
| With a huge brain. | ||
| Putting their hand into some crazy machine. | ||
| There's a Petri dish and they got all these lasers that are zapping this thing. | ||
| Who knows what the fuck they're doing right now? | ||
| Well, what's a bummer? | ||
| Is this the first I've heard about until you fucking brought it up? | ||
| I'm on the ball, son. | ||
| I'm on all that stuff. | ||
|
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But still! | |
| Powerful Matt Staggs sent me that. | ||
| Shout out to Matt Staggs. | ||
| I like that guy. | ||
| He's awesome. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| This whole... | ||
| What we're experiencing now is this... | ||
| You know, this... | ||
| Escalating sort of technological race like one invention like this is going to allow for the idea of several other different inventions And maybe they'll come up with something they add this to CRISPR you know CRISPR this new genetic Reprogramming I don't know the best way to describe it, but it's a tool for altering genetics now they get a hold of that and they use it with this so you use CRISPR and this you got the Hulk and You got Jon Jones and Brock Lesnar baby. | ||
| You got the Hulk. | ||
| Fuck Jon Jones and Brock Lesnar if the Hulk shows up. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Not if they had a baby. | ||
| He's fucking crashing through the wall. | ||
| He leaps through the fucking arena. | ||
| Just recovering non-stop? | ||
| Literally from the dressing room. | ||
| Leaps through the air and boom! | ||
| Lands in the center of the octagon and goes... | ||
|
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And Brock Lesnar just goes... | |
| Shit. | ||
| That was the best, when the Hulk grabs that fucking Thor's brother, and he's like, I'm a god, and he just grabs him and just rags him on the ground, back and forth, busts up the concrete. | ||
| I fucking love the idea that some peaceful Mark Ruffalo character, who's this brilliant scientist, who's concerned with helping people, if you piss this motherfucker off, he becomes a bulletproof giant. | ||
| That's pretty dope. | ||
| Not only did it happen so quick that he tried to shoot himself in the mouth, and by the time the bullet hit the skin, the Hulk spit out the bullet. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| It's the greatest fucking superhero character of all time. | ||
|
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It's inspiring shit, though. | |
| Oh, the Hulk, you think? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Everybody else can suck my dick. | ||
| Every single one of them. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Because they all call on the Hulk if the shit goes wrong. | ||
| If everything goes wrong, like, what just sending the Hulk? | ||
| What's that asshole with the bow and arrow doing there? | ||
| Get Get the fuck out of there, Scarlett Johansson. | ||
| What are you going to do, triangle people with your stilettos on? | ||
| Shut the fuck up, everybody. | ||
| Call in the green guy, and let's just get this over with. | ||
| He's out there punching spaceships into oblivion. | ||
| And what are you doing? | ||
| Are you going to shoot arrows? | ||
| Are you going to shoot arrows at the spaceship, Archer? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here. | ||
| I love you some Hulk. | ||
| He's the best! | ||
| He's the only one to call! | ||
| If I was Captain America, I'd be like, listen, this is stupid. | ||
| Captain America? | ||
| Get the fuck out of my face! | ||
| Yeah, look, he wanted to get some water. | ||
| She's the only one that can calm him down. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Calm down, Hulk. | ||
| Calm down. | ||
| Boy, that looks so fake there. | ||
| That looks stupid. | ||
| That looks like my kid drew it. | ||
|
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|
It looks like Shrek! | |
| There was two Hulks though, yeah? | ||
| It was Eric Banner and then the Mark Ruffalo. | ||
| There's been a bunch of them. | ||
| Yeah, Ed Norton was one. | ||
| Eric Banner was the worst. | ||
| I went to see that Eric Banner movie when I was, not that he's a bad actor, he's an amazing actor. | ||
| He was great in Chopper. | ||
| Did you ever see him in Chopper? | ||
| He's a ridiculous actor. | ||
| Fucking fantastic. | ||
| But there was something about that Hulk movie with him that I was like, this is whack. | ||
| That's not his fault, huh? | ||
| I went to see it super duper high, and when I went to see it super duper high, I was like, oh my god, the acting in this movie is so bad. | ||
| Marijuana is the number one detector of shitty acting. | ||
| You just sense it. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Go big screen on that. | ||
| That looks pretty fake too, son. | ||
| That's Eric Bana one. | ||
| That's early days. | ||
| That's the first Hulk. | ||
| That's San Francisco Hulk. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you see the difference between the Ed Norton Hulk on the right and actually the... | ||
| The one on the left looks bloated. | ||
| Terrible. | ||
| The one on the left looks bloated. | ||
| Bana Hulk looks so fake. | ||
| The Ed Norton one is so much better. | ||
| Which one's this? | ||
| That's the Bana. | ||
| That looks like shit! | ||
| Now go to the most recent, the Mark Ruffalo Hulk. | ||
| Let's see what that one looks like. | ||
| Yeah, the Mark Ruffalo Hulk is the best Hulk. | ||
| Yeah, that's it right there. | ||
| Looks a little more realistic. | ||
| A little more. | ||
| But I mean, obviously it's still a Hulk. | ||
| Ooh, go full screen. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Yeah, that's dope. | ||
| Yeah, if that thing hops into the octagon, Brock Lesnar, good luck. | ||
| Yeah, you're fucked. | ||
| If your whole thing is that you're big and strong, and that's a big part of what Brock Lesnar's thing is, he's big and strong. | ||
| It's his only thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| He's like the Hulk of UFC fighters. | ||
| What are you, you gonna Mighty Mouse the Hulk? | ||
| Oh, that looks real as shit. | ||
| Is that what you're gonna do? | ||
| You gonna move around him? | ||
| It looks real as fuck. | ||
| That looks very real. | ||
| Well, that was the Ed Norton one, the opening scene when he fucking... | ||
| Ooh, that does look good. | ||
| Yeah, it looks dope. | ||
| His teeth are fucked. | ||
| If they can figure out a way to do that to people, the world's going to be a totally different place. | ||
| It's not that far away. | ||
| Look, think of what they could do with steroids. | ||
| Did you ever see that guy who just died? | ||
| Rich Piana, his name is? | ||
| He's a famous internet bodybuilder guy. | ||
| Oh yes, I saw him at Gold's a bunch of times. | ||
| Nicest guy ever. | ||
| He seems like a very nice guy. | ||
| His arms are as big as my entire torso. | ||
| Look at the size of this fucker. | ||
| He just died. | ||
| And I think they suspect painkillers did him in. | ||
| I mean, I can't imagine steroids didn't have some sort of play in the death of this man. | ||
| It could very well have. | ||
| But they were suspecting painkillers. | ||
| Apparently, all the big cycles that he did were like a long time ago. | ||
| And he doesn't really do those big cycles anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, he is jacked city. | |
| That's so preposterous. | ||
| Look at that photo right there. | ||
| That is so preposterous. | ||
| Look at the size of his arm. | ||
| It's like he's got a person that's head is attached to his shoulder. | ||
| Look at his veins! | ||
| And the person's like holding their body, like his bicep is a person's body with their arms crossed. | ||
| It's like the three of arms put together in here. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| Or was, I should say. | ||
| I know. | ||
| But yeah, you... | ||
| He going to coma or something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Look at that picture there! | ||
| Of him and this other giant dude. | ||
| What? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Natural bodybuilder. | ||
| What? | ||
| What are you saying? | ||
| Natural bodybuilder Mike O'Hearn. | ||
| That's Mike O'Hearn on the right. | ||
| Opens up steroid... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Is that bodybuilding.com? | ||
| People get super into that shit. | ||
| Muscle roast. | ||
| Muscle roast. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If that guy's real, if that's a real natural bodybuilder... | ||
| Not. | ||
| We need to find out what he's eating. | ||
| And let's see if he passes the golden snitch test. | ||
| Yeah, he's naturally on steroids. | ||
| He's just clean the day of the competition, probably. | ||
| All those fucking guys do it. | ||
| Why would you not? | ||
| You're not hurting anybody. | ||
| He's Shred City, though. | ||
| Natural bodybuilder. | ||
| Well, it's got to be possible to get a certain size. | ||
| Yeah, there's some genetics. | ||
| Like, the biggest freaks I know are genetically. | ||
| Look at my friend Klopp. | ||
| Tebow's fucking shredded naturally. | ||
| Those guys are, but that's too much. | ||
| Look at that picture of him with a six-pack of him. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Oh, that's right! | ||
| Look at that picture of him. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| That dude's jack-sooty. | ||
| If that is natural, 100% natural, that's insane genetics. | ||
| It'd be the most insane genetics I've ever seen, and I'd be willing to bet my life on it he has something running through his system. | ||
| But is it possible to be built like that with nothing else than genetics and hard work? | ||
| What do you think, Joe? | ||
| I say no. | ||
| Well, I want to say no, but I think that Tyron Woodley could probably look like that. | ||
| That guy's 6'4", sir. | ||
| I don't mean, like, the height. | ||
| I mean, if Tyron... | ||
| You look at, like, Tyron's body. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| Tyron's jacked. | ||
| Like, naturally jacked. | ||
| Like, he has superior genetics. | ||
| Look at his genetics on the left, though. | ||
| That's him? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So he wasn't born like that. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Genetically, he's not made that. | ||
| Well, he was partying back then. | ||
| But look at any picture of Woodley ever. | ||
| He's shredded. | ||
| Jacked. | ||
|
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|
Jacked. | |
| You can eat Subway every day and be shredded. | ||
| Francis Ngannou. | ||
| Here's another one. | ||
| Some people have superior genetics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| Keep mentioning black people. | ||
|
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|
Yeah, black people have crazy genetics. | |
| But, but, but, but, but. | ||
| There's got to be natural bodybuilders that are jacked. | ||
| I had a friend back in the day, Brian Frazier, a friend of mine from Boston who was a stand-up comedian who was jacked. | ||
| He was huge back in the day. | ||
| But was he thick and tall? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No. | ||
| He wasn't that tall. | ||
| He was like maybe... | ||
| I think he's 5'10 or 5'11. | ||
| But at the time, super jacked. | ||
| Like giant muscles. | ||
| And I know for a fact, he never did anything. | ||
| That he told you about? | ||
| No, he didn't. | ||
| I'm telling you. | ||
| I know the guy very well. | ||
| He didn't do shit. | ||
| But I know a natural bodybuilder, and he's a beast. | ||
| He trains for Doom. | ||
| He trains a lot of these guys. | ||
| His name's Mike Safai. | ||
| He trains out of Anderson Silva's gym, or used to it. | ||
| I think he's training out of Henry Gracie's gym. | ||
| And he's a natural bodybuilder. | ||
| He competes, and he is fucking shredded. | ||
| Is he big? | ||
| No. | ||
| He's like thin and strong. | ||
| Yeah, there he is. | ||
| Yeah, that's shredded. | ||
| Now that's totally possible to do naturally. | ||
| He's all natural. | ||
| Enough for a fact. | ||
| It can totally be done. | ||
| His whole family's like this. | ||
| His brothers, his sister, they're all built that same way. | ||
| Totally can be done. | ||
| The question is, can you do what the other guy looks like? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| I shouldn't say no, because my buddy Klopp, he's 6'6", 270, and he eats like shit, and he's jacked and shredded. | ||
| If he got on a regular diet, like a strict keto, I'm sure he'd lean out even more. | ||
| And if he got obsessed with lifting, like he was lifting every day. | ||
| Which he is. | ||
| Several times a day. | ||
| Yeah, like it was his job? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, maybe it is possible. | ||
| You'd have to be a freak of all freaks. | ||
| It's like girls with giant natural tits. | ||
| Like, whoa, where'd that come from? | ||
| Like, they do exist. | ||
| Yeah, God bless them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Guys with huge hogs. | ||
| They exist. | ||
| Do they ever. | ||
| Do they ever. | ||
| People with big noses. | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| Some girls must love a guy with a big nose so they can eat their pussy from behind. | ||
| Some chicks love a big nose. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| They want to back their ass up into his nose. | ||
| They want nose in the ass, mouth on the pussy. | ||
| That's what they want. | ||
| You think that's why they love a big shark nose? | ||
| Joey Diaz used to have a bit about it. | ||
| It's called doing the pigeon. | ||
|
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|
I think that's what it is. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But as a girl, you can't have a huge nose. | ||
| No. | ||
| That doesn't help. | ||
| It doesn't help. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like Cyrano de Berger, it would help if she was lying on her back with her head leaning over backwards. | ||
| That nose could be like a taint rub, right? | ||
| That bird? | ||
| Oh, that bird's horrible. | ||
| Is that video that I put on my Instagram with this bird fucking up this chick? | ||
| A woodpecker finds these chicks in this bird nest and just starts jacking them, man. | ||
| Goddamn! | ||
| It's horrifying. | ||
| Is that woodpecker on woodpecker crime, or is that like a pigeon he's fucking up like that? | ||
| I think that's just another bird, some other kind of bird. | ||
| Holy fuck, he's bashed his brains in. | ||
| He ate his brains. | ||
| See if he had that crisper, he could figure it out. | ||
| And that fucking chick can't do anything. | ||
| It's just getting literally stabbed in the head repeatedly by a woodpecker. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Fuck woodpeckers! | ||
| Man, man, people, we have a weird idea what nature is, and you need to see things like that. | ||
| Like, there's a great website, Instagram page, NatureIsMetal. | ||
| Is that the one that I, was that what I retweeted? | ||
| NatureIsMetal? | ||
| It is NatureIsMetal. | ||
| It's one of my favorite, I go to that every day. | ||
| NatureIsMetal is crazy. | ||
| It's all clips of shit getting jacked. | ||
| Everything is crocodiles jacking gazelles and hippos jacking crocodiles and crocodiles jacking other crocodiles. | ||
| Oh, that's an otter going ham on a croc. | ||
| That's an alligator. | ||
| But, yeah, otters are ruthless, bro. | ||
| If an otter thinks that a... | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| It's a fucking hawk tearing apart another bird. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Nature is metal. | ||
|
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|
It's a great name. | |
| Let me see a more than an early one, though. | ||
| I'm not sold yet. | ||
| There's one of a lion head. | ||
| Oh, that'll do it. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Crocodile. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| Crocodile with another crocodile in its mouth. | ||
| Doing a crocodile roll. | ||
| Swinging it through the air by its head. | ||
| And ripping his face off. | ||
| They are fucking ruthless. | ||
| Go big screen on that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No new friends. | |
| Hashtag no new friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ripping his face off. | |
| Hashtag no new friends. | ||
| That's the greatest hashtag ever. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Look at that fucking... | ||
| Look at that teeth on that thing. | ||
| Did you see that reporter? | ||
| He was surfing with his friends in Sri Lanka last night and got eaten alive by a crocodile. | ||
| Oh, great. | ||
| He went to go wash his hands and the crocodile was like, oh, cool story. | ||
| Reporter got him? | ||
| He got a reporter? | ||
| No, the guy, his job was a reporter. | ||
| He was out in Sri Lanka just vacationing, surfboarding. | ||
| And a saltwater croc got his ass. | ||
| Goddamn saltwater crocs are terrifying. | ||
| Look at that one up top. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at the one up top where the deer got jacked by a tree. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| Tree dropped on its head. | ||
| The tree just fell on its head. | ||
| What are the odds? | ||
| Not good. | ||
| It's a terrible way to go. | ||
| Terrible way to go. | ||
| Just landed right on his head. | ||
| How the fuck does that only have 159 likes? | ||
| Because now we'll talk about it and get more likes. | ||
| Page is about to blow up probably. | ||
| It's only got 17,500. | ||
| Page is gonna blow! | ||
| It should. | ||
| Nature is metal and then underscore. | ||
| But go further down. | ||
| There's some fucking crazy ones on that page. | ||
| I go to this shit every day. | ||
| I'm gonna follow it now. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot. | ||
| Oh my god, that hawk's about to fuck up that snake there. | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| Yeah, go back please. | ||
| Look at this one with this crocodile right here. | ||
| The mouth open with a zebra head in his mouth. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, you know what? | ||
| People send me these all the time because when I was leaving Fox, I said I'm a zebra. | ||
| And I went, you ever seen anyone fucking ride a zebra? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| I'm a zebra. | ||
| People are like, really? | ||
| And then they send me these all the time. | ||
| Look at the mouth on that thing. | ||
| That is a fucking dinosaur. | ||
| That's a dinosaur. | ||
| That zebra is fucking... | ||
| I'm not mad at his set of his teeth either than that, but he's obviously older, right? | ||
| Like, that's an old aged... | ||
| Oh, they fucked their teeth up pretty quick. | ||
| They probably don't live that long. | ||
| I mean, I would assume that zebras, much like any other animal that lives in the wild, you know, if you can get to ten years, congratulations, you did something amazing. | ||
| Yeah, you're killing the game. | ||
| But those zebras, if you're like... | ||
| Looking at their... | ||
| Look at that owl about to jack that mouse. | ||
| That's a beautiful picture. | ||
| It's a metaphor for life. | ||
| It's an amazing picture. | ||
| The zebra stripes, those are designed so that a lion has a hard time picking out one individual animal. | ||
| Is that why they do it and they're always together in a herd? | ||
| Because you can't tell if you look at them. | ||
| I always wanted that because to me they would stick out being black and white in the goddamn desert. | ||
| No. | ||
| Not in Africa. | ||
| This is one of the things they did. | ||
| They put a collar on a zebra to track them and every time they would do it, that zebra would get killed. | ||
| Oh, because they could see it. | ||
| Because they could see it. | ||
| It would stand out. | ||
| I could see that collar. | ||
| Like, that's the one. | ||
| See that? | ||
| There's a pattern that they use for camo. | ||
| That, um... | ||
| There's a company called First Light. | ||
| They make, if not the best, one of the best hunting gears in the world. | ||
| They make this really fine merino wool clothes that they put camo patterns on. | ||
| When you sweat in merino wool, it's really good because you never get cold. | ||
| It's a natural fiber. | ||
| But anyway, they have this... | ||
| One pattern they use called ASAT. A-S-A-T. All season, all terrain. | ||
| And in a way, it kind of mimics what you see in a zebra. | ||
| So what a zebra is like, you can't make out the outline. | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| Because there's the blacks and the whites, the contrast. | ||
| It's like you have a hard time for an animal. | ||
| And this camel's black and white? | ||
| This camo's got a few different shades in it, but the idea behind the invention of this camo was one of the first camos. | ||
| Like most camos back in the day used to be either like army shit, like fatigues, or they would be like leaves, like actual leaves. | ||
| Like a lot of companies started making like where it looks like photorealistic trees and patterns and stuff, which kind of works. | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| The whole idea, that's ASAT. So see how that is like, it breaks up. | ||
| Looks like Yeezy Season 4. Go up right up there to the jacket, Jamie. | ||
| The jacket right there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's kind of a ghillie suit where it has all this extra phrase to it that you would use that if you were hunting turkeys because turkeys can see real good. | ||
| When you're wearing that, the idea is that all those stripes break up your outline. | ||
| That's sort of the exact same reason why a zebra has that shit. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| I always wanted that. | ||
| I always wanted it too. | ||
| Have you seen the new body suits they're doing in the water for sharks? | ||
| Hex suits? | ||
| Have you seen those? | ||
| They're kind of dope. | ||
| Are you saying so the sharks can't see your electrical signals? | ||
| No, it's for sharks so they don't think you're a seal. | ||
| Oh, what does it do? | ||
| Is it a different color? | ||
| Yeah, it's somewhere black and white if you look at them. | ||
| There's this thing called Hex, H-E-C-S, and they're these suits that people wear in particular when they go to... | ||
| Is this it, Jamie? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Carbon, full-sleeve wetsuit? | ||
| No, that's just pretty. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| That makes you look like a fish. | ||
| I'd fuck you up if you were in there. | ||
| Fuck yeah, you look like a sweet-ass delicious tuna. | ||
| Go to Hecsuit. | ||
| H-E-C-S. So I don't know if this is real. | ||
| So this is one of the things that I want to... | ||
| Just write Hecsuit. | ||
| H-E-C-S suit. | ||
| Um... | ||
| I would love people... | ||
| Yeah, hex suit. | ||
| I would love people to tell me whether or not this really works. | ||
| Because apparently your body is supposed to emit some sort of electrical signal. | ||
| And if you run your body over this thing, it registers your body's electrical signal. | ||
| But if you put this hex suit on and run your body over this thing, it doesn't register. | ||
| Does that prove that it's really working? | ||
| The guy's chilling with turkeys? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| At least that guy's in shape. | ||
| I mean, but it works apparently, like noticeably works in the water. | ||
| Like this guy's, what he's doing here. | ||
| He's just fucking grabbing lobsters. | ||
| I can do that right now. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| They try to get the fuck away from you. | ||
| With this hex suit on, they've shown the difference between wearing it and not wearing it. | ||
| And it seems to allow, see this I'm not impressed with, because he's about to shoot this animal and that animal can't see him. | ||
| Anybody could do that. | ||
| I could do that with, like, clothes on. | ||
| If the animal can't see you, it doesn't matter. | ||
| Yeah, if the animal doesn't see you, it doesn't matter. | ||
| But if the animal sees you, the idea is that this hex suit is supposed to somehow or another protect you. | ||
| They shouldn't have shown that one, because that video didn't even mean anything. | ||
| It's like you couldn't see that the animal was looking his way. | ||
| That's interesting, though. | ||
| See, it shows, like, see, go back a little bit. | ||
| So watch it shows when they walk in front. | ||
| No, you just had it. | ||
| Just leave it alone. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| They're kind of showing the name, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, watch. | |
| See, he's passing in front of it, and without hex, you see how it registers? | ||
| Now, with the hex suit on, it registers very little. | ||
| And this is somehow or another supposed to be recognizing the electrical signal that your body has. | ||
| I got to piss so bad. | ||
| Why don't you go piss, man? | ||
| Thanks, bro. | ||
| Get your piss on, son. | ||
| Get your piss on. | ||
| See, this doesn't impress me. | ||
| This is a fucking armadillo. | ||
| How smart an armadillo is. | ||
| Do you know anyone that has one? | ||
| John Dudley. | ||
| He believes in it. | ||
| That's why I'm curious about it. | ||
| Because I don't know how much... | ||
| There's John Dudley right now. | ||
| Hex testimonial. | ||
| I just don't know how much science is behind it. | ||
| I mean, a lot of times you want to believe that things work. | ||
| It works with coyotes, too. | ||
| That's the weird one. | ||
| Coyotes walk right up to people that are wearing it. | ||
| The idea is that animals might have certain senses and abilities to detect signals that you give off that we just don't possess. | ||
| So because we don't possess those abilities to recognize those signals, we don't recognize that these animals do. | ||
| Because we don't think of it as an option. | ||
| And what they're saying is... | ||
| It's entirely possible, especially with predators apparently, entirely possible that animals emit some sort of an electrical signal that animals are attracted to. | ||
| And then when they see this person wearing this hex suit, those signals don't come through and they don't know what the fuck you are. | ||
| Which is really fascinating. | ||
| See, electromagnetic signal, right? | ||
| Is that what it's saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know how much of it is real though. | ||
| I've never seen a study on it. | ||
| Do they have studies on this? | ||
| When you go up there, when it says proof, do they have a proof thing? | ||
| If you go to the top... | ||
| I went to how it works. | ||
| Yeah, how does it work? | ||
| That's where I'm looking. | ||
| There's no links, or it just talks about it. | ||
| Yeah, see, I feel like hex blocks your electrical signal. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Seems to block that. | ||
| The real question to me is... | ||
| Do the animals see it? | ||
| They've done extensive studies on what animals do and don't see, as far as camouflage, and I think one of the ways they've done that, and what kind of light they see, one of the ways they've done that is through, like, they have, like, deer farms where they have undulates in captivity, and they feed them, and they only feed them if they can see certain things, or they show them certain things, and that's how they measure whether or not they're actually able to recognize patterns. | ||
| Because some patterns are really good. | ||
| Like some patterns just completely break up the outline of a person to an animal and the animal just sees some weird shit that looks like a bush. | ||
| Size of the mesh is crucial to effectively blocking human electricity. | ||
| This Faraday cage is what it's explaining, which is the part I was just kind of looking at. | ||
| This is the science. | ||
| Invented in 1836, so just before a dude invented chiropractic by an English scientist, Michael Faraday, a Faraday cage is an enclosure made out of a conductive mesh material that blocks electrical fields. | ||
| By channeling the electricity through the mesh, it's used to protect electronic equipment from lightning strikes, Or in screen rooms, which allows for environments to be free of electromagnetic interference. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| What I don't know is whether or not an animal can see that. | ||
| I'd like to know. | ||
| Why don't you Google, can animals detect electrical energy? | ||
| I'm pretty sure that's why it shows those flocks of birds floating around. | ||
| From what I've read, science, I believe, thinks that's how they're communicating. | ||
| Through electricity? | ||
| Like schools of fish, or magnetic waves, electromagnetic waves. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it only makes sense if you watch those giant... | ||
| Flocks of birds all flowing together that they have some sort of way of interacting with each other that we don't understand. | ||
| Like, what is it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But there's something going on. | ||
| I mean, there's no way you could ever get people to fly through the air like that. | ||
| I mean, just... | ||
| I've heard people that said they've taken, like, the god dose of mushrooms can see it when they're, like, all fucked up and on the beach. | ||
| They can see magnetic waves coming in off waves. | ||
| But, like, I've never been that high. | ||
| I apologize. | ||
| That took so long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No worries. | |
| That was a brutal piss. | ||
| That was not a piss, bro. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| I was trying to be cool. | ||
| I don't know if you could tell that the shit sweats. | ||
| No, listen to this. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I haven't eaten anything all day. | ||
| And I went to Starbucks. | ||
| I went, you know what? | ||
| Give me one of those nitro brews. | ||
| I need a venti. | ||
| And she goes, we don't do ventis. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| What's a nitro brew? | ||
| It's like a crazy kind of like, I think a Guinness coffee that comes out of like a tap. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| Oh, it's like, it's just like a Cape Man Nitro? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Cape Man Nitro, super strong. | ||
| I'm like, give me a venti. | ||
| You know, I got some shit to do. | ||
| So it's nitrogenated coffee. | ||
| Yeah, super strong. | ||
| She goes, I can't give you a venti, only a grande. | ||
| I went, all right, fine, just put two shots in it. | ||
| She goes, we don't recommend it. | ||
| I go, put two shots in it. | ||
| So that's what I got. | ||
| Yeah, put two shots in it. | ||
| You see that slingshot, bitch? | ||
| Put two shots in it. | ||
| She did that, and halfway through talking about camouflage, I went, oh, shit! | ||
| Miss Starbucks was right. | ||
| Yeah, that horn that blows off. | ||
| I almost shit my pants. | ||
| I swear, that was the closest I've ever come to shit my pants on fucking... | ||
| On a podcast? | ||
| On anything. | ||
| I don't shit my pants. | ||
| You don't shit your pants ever? | ||
| No. | ||
| Remember when Brian Lydon said he shit his pants? | ||
| Because he was late or missed a show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Grown men don't shit their pants. | ||
| He had a spare pair of pants in his trunk and just changed them. | ||
| What'd you do with the old pants? | ||
| I just threw them away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Classic. | |
| Oh, you did? | ||
| How'd you clean up? | ||
| I just went to a gas station. | ||
| Oh, sure you did. | ||
| He's the funniest guy ever. | ||
| Makes total sense. | ||
| It's a car stink. | ||
| Dude, I was trying to be cool. | ||
| It's probably a good idea to keep a pair of pants. | ||
| Underwear, socks, shoes. | ||
| Why don't you take one small change of clothes in your trunk? | ||
| Always a smart move. | ||
| I never do it. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It seems like if you have a trunk, what the fuck are you carrying? | ||
| What's in your trunk? | ||
| You have room. | ||
| It's not like it's gonna cost you gas mileage. | ||
| Just a little bag. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, it does make sense. | ||
| You don't plan for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even shoes. | |
| Bring a whole outfit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bring a whole outfit. | ||
| An extra outfit. | ||
| So if something terrible happens, Well, I'll tell you right now. | ||
| Something terrible will happen when I'm on the 405 in that goddamn slingshot with no AC and my stomach's on the frets like this. | ||
| Why did you get that thing? | ||
| What was going on? | ||
| They gave it to me. | ||
| For free? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| I'm not that stupid. | ||
| I'm not like a rat. | ||
| They said, hey man, have this. | ||
| They went, yeah, post on it, have it, yeah. | ||
| So you just have to tell people how ridiculous it is. | ||
| They didn't even say that. | ||
| They say, if you want to post about whatever you want to do, man, we want you to take this. | ||
| Spin it around for me. | ||
| Cool, right? | ||
| Might as well. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I love the fact that it's got a stick shift. | ||
| You need to take it for a spin. | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| I feel weird when I drive that Corvette. | ||
| The Corvette convertible. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| No roof. | ||
| I'm like, ooh, there's nothing up there. | ||
| Well, when I'm behind a truck, I'm like, God, if a rock spits up, I'm going to get hit behind the fucking eye. | ||
| I know, I always get out of the way. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta be clever about how you approach, like, large groups of cars when you have a convertible. | ||
| Or a motorcycle, I guess. | ||
| That's why I like it, because I'm more in tuned with what's going on. | ||
| Like, fucking, I'm on it. | ||
| If I'm on my car, I'm so comfortable, the PDK, I can... | ||
| Right. | ||
| ...navigation, bullshitting, jacking off, whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's interesting, like, does your car have the CarPlay thing where you can talk to it and tell it to text people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| How amazing is that? | ||
| Ridiculous. | ||
| It reads the text for you, and it tells you, like, would you like to reply? | ||
| And you're like, yes, I would, bitch. | ||
| Text them back whatever you want. | ||
| You don't need to text anymore. | ||
| Text them back. | ||
| I wonder if you could program Siri where you say bitch after everything. | ||
| Of course, bitch. | ||
| Yes, I do, bitch. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And if you don't say bitch, Siri doesn't recognize it. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| What did you say? | ||
| Bitch, you heard me. | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| That new iPhone drops next month. | ||
| I'm stoked for it. | ||
| Have you seen it? | ||
| There's two new iPhones. | ||
| Oh, you know you have iPhone? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Finally. | ||
| There's two new ones. | ||
| Finally. | ||
| I only tried a Google phone for like a month. | ||
| I feel like you were on that Google trip for a second, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did. | |
| Well, I tried to get off the Apple tit. | ||
| Yeah, don't. | ||
| I went with a Windows laptop, and I went with an Android phone. | ||
| Abandoned both of them. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| In the announcement for it, they said something when they were showing the Face ID that kind of was... | ||
| Alarming to me that I didn't know. | ||
| Oh yeah, terrible. | ||
| The Touch ID, 1 in 50,000 chance that someone just unlocks your phone without your fingerprint. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| It doesn't seem like that secure. | ||
| One in 50,000 is pretty goddamn secure, Jamie. | ||
| Pretty secure, but... | ||
| I'll take my chances, Jamie. | ||
| It seems so low. | ||
| How many dick pics are you carrying around? | ||
| No, I don't have anything. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I mean, they can easily get on my... | ||
| I have Apple Pay put on my phone, so you can start using my card right away. | ||
| If you start paying for shit. | ||
| If you had my phone. | ||
| The new ones, it's face recognition. | ||
| And that's the next... | ||
| Well, it says it's one in a million on that. | ||
| You see that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The problem with that is, well, I'm worried about that. | ||
| I'm worried about you being next to your girl, and your girl sticks your phone right on your face, starts it up, and then is like, oh, look at this motherfucker, Jamie Vernon with a bunch of dick pics. | ||
| You fall asleep, she does it. | ||
| Send in that one. | ||
| It's the same, fall asleep when she puts your thumb on there and unlocks it easily. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| If she tries to get my face on... | ||
| You touch me when I'm asleep, I will wake up immediately and choke you. | ||
| Yeah, I just fucking... | ||
| For this one, it says you have to be looking at it. | ||
| You have to focus at it. | ||
| Have your eyes open? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So then she drugs you, takes her fingers, pulls your eyelids back. | ||
| She can do it. | ||
| Them hoes will figure it out. | ||
| All she has to do is paint fake eyeballs on your eyelids. | ||
| If you're asleep and she's got white paint. | ||
| It'd just be crazy. | ||
| And then she puts like a little black sharpie mark. | ||
| But it's like the most expensive phone ever? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| It's like $1,200 I think if you're buying it outright. | ||
| That's... | ||
| I need that. | ||
| I get that Spider-Man. | ||
| Look at my phone. | ||
| My son broke the fuck up. | ||
| I refuse to get a new one. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I'm waiting for the new one to drop. | ||
| But it's interesting. | ||
| It's coming out soon. | ||
| They're coming out with the iPhone 8, 8 Plus, and a 10 all together at the same time. | ||
| It's like, look, you can go Poe. | ||
| They skipped the 9. It's just the X. No, it's a 10. Hold on. | ||
| It's your anniversary. | ||
| Jamie, it says, iPhone 10. How to pronounce the new iPhone. | ||
| Then you have Tim Cook saying, we call it iPhone 10. Boom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Correct me if you're wrong. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| So there's a 9 and a 10? | ||
| No, there is no 9. I skipped it. | ||
| There's an 8. But here's the thing. | ||
| You get these bullshit-ass dead spots where you don't have a screen. | ||
| Not anymore. | ||
| So you can feel all poor next to that person that has the 10 that has no... | ||
| And wireless charging. | ||
| The 8 has wireless charging too. | ||
| And it's waterproof now. | ||
| You can go in the ocean with it. | ||
| Can you? | ||
| I think that was with the watch. | ||
| No. | ||
| With the phone. | ||
| Yeah, now it's water resistance. | ||
| That one's just a little bit waterproof, the new one. | ||
| But the new, new shit? | ||
| Water resistance. | ||
| Swim, son. | ||
| Swimming. | ||
| Underwater picks. | ||
| The new one is 3, right? | ||
| iPhone 3. Watch. | ||
| The watch is the 3? | ||
| Watch 3, yeah. | ||
| It has cellular added to it. | ||
| Ooh, I like it. | ||
| So you don't even have to bring your phone. | ||
| You can go running. | ||
| And then your girl's back at home. | ||
| She's like, I used your face to find your phone and now I'm calling you from your own phone to say, fuck you. | ||
| I'm lighting your house on fire. | ||
| You dick pic sending son of a bitch. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Dude, I don't get down with iPhone watches. | ||
| Not my cup of tea, man. | ||
| And then you get a phone call like three seconds later. | ||
| You're receiving dick pics, too! | ||
| You're taking them, too? | ||
| Andy Dick wants to suck your dick! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Really? | ||
| And you didn't block his number! | ||
| You sent him your address. | ||
| You're like, LOL! That's what I would say! | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I wanted to suck a guy's dick, I'd say, LOL! Come on over and suck my dick! | |
| LOL! I'll be on my way! | ||
| LOL! You just cut it out! | ||
| You're being so silly! | ||
| That's what they say if they know they're gonna suck it. | ||
| LOL. Then you know you're in. | ||
| Yeah, if you say that, and then they call you up and go, hey, don't ever fucking text me something like that again. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Just joking around. | ||
| That's like normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if they go, LOL. LOL is basically, yes. | |
| LOL is like, she's like getting wet. | ||
| She's freaking out. | ||
| LOL, you're silly. | ||
| It's on. | ||
| It's on. | ||
| People say, LOL. LOL, you silly goose. | ||
| You silly goose. | ||
| gobble, gobble, driving over your house thinking about it. | ||
| What is it about these new phones? | ||
| How much do you need that new phone? | ||
| How much do you need that new screen? | ||
| It's like it's a trap. | ||
| And that's gonna be a piece of shit in a year from now. | ||
| A year from now, it's gonna be some new things. | ||
| That's everything, though. | ||
| It puts pressure on you to get the new phone, because that's what's cool, that's what's hip, but they're adding new stuff to it. | ||
| It's like the new car. | ||
| Where's the fingerprint reader? | ||
| There isn't one. | ||
| Just your face. | ||
| Well, you can go fuck yourself. | ||
| That's stupid. | ||
| What if my face gets beat up? | ||
| It knows. | ||
| It knows. | ||
| It's learning with you. | ||
| It knows if you grow a beard. | ||
| It knows if I have a black eye. | ||
| Because you would have been looking at it earlier that day. | ||
| It's kind of scary, man. | ||
| It's supposedly learning with you. | ||
| Yeah, what if it fucks up? | ||
| And that data is all stored somewhere, and it's supposedly encrypted. | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| The apple has my face! | ||
| I just thought about, what are they going to do three or four or five years down the line when they have five years of your aging? | ||
| Of daily, 12, 15, 20, 30, 40 times a day. | ||
| Do you think it looks at Kylie Jenner and goes, who the fuck is that guy? | ||
| Yeah, it's not going to be able to recognize girls fucking getting that Kylie Jenner surgery. | ||
| Is it Kylie or Chloe? | ||
| Which one's the one that has the most? | ||
| Kylie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
By far. | |
| They're going to go, what? | ||
| Where's the rest of your jaw? | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| She's going to have to get a new iPhone every few months just to keep up with it. | ||
| I don't like that. | ||
| No fingerprint. | ||
| I don't think I enjoy that. | ||
| I think that seems stupid. | ||
| You might love it, though. | ||
| No, because a cop is just going to take your face, hold it up, and they'll be able to pull you over. | ||
| They pull you over, they just take your phone, put it up to your face. | ||
| All you have to do is look at your phone. | ||
| I want to know what you're doing. | ||
| You can't look at my phone. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| And they do that, and then they can just do it. | ||
| Cops have tried to look at people's phones before. | ||
| They've told people. | ||
| To see if you're texting? | ||
| They're allowed to put your finger on it. | ||
| They're not allowed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yes they are. | ||
| They're not allowed to enter your password. | ||
| They're not allowed for you to ask what the password is. | ||
| That's why they'd say, for people, you should not use the fingerprint part because cops can actually actively use it because it's not specifically stated. | ||
| Like, you're not allowed- It's a loophole. | ||
| Yes, loophole. | ||
| Oh, hell no. | ||
| You're not allowed to tell someone you want their password because that's an invasion of privacy. | ||
| You are allowed to take their finger and put it on their phone and open their phone up. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, it's like technology moving too fast and we don't have the words and the language and the preparations to deal with that shit. | ||
| There's a new system built into the iOS 11 which comes out in a couple days that allows you to Bypass that sort of if you quick tap five times you can turn off touch ID Hmm, so it's like it's basically what they're calling it is a cop Yeah, | ||
| I just don't think that's the way to go the facial recognition thing just seems Corny. | ||
| I gotta do this every time I want to buy something How come I can't just put my fucking thumb on it? | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| These cunts can't figure out a way to get your fingerprint right off your phone yet. | ||
| Right off the main screen. | ||
| That's what they've been working on forever. | ||
| Trying to get it on the big screen? | ||
| Yeah, so you just touch anywhere on the screen and it picks up your fingerprint. | ||
| That's what they've been working on forever. | ||
| They do not have that yet. | ||
| So they went with facial recognition, which they've already had for Snapchat and for Instagram filters and all those things where they see your face and then turn you into Abraham Lincoln or some shit. | ||
| This does it way better than those... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| But it's an acceleration of that. | ||
| What they haven't been able to do is get your whole screen to be a fingerprint sensor and still be able to show images and all that stuff. | ||
| I think it's got something like six selfie cameras. | ||
| One's like IR, one's doing like dots like the Kinect camera was doing. | ||
| It's like a little Xbox Kinect. | ||
| Good lord with the selfies. | ||
| The camera industry just done. | ||
| When's the last time you saw like a straight-up camera? | ||
| Well, you'd have to be like a guy who was a photographer, like Jamie. | ||
| Then you carry those goofy bricks because you want to impress chicks. | ||
| You know what he's doing? | ||
| He's just taking pictures of chicks all the time. | ||
| You're lighting. | ||
| Let me just fix your hair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fix your hair. | |
| But even that thing... | ||
| Girls love that. | ||
| They love to pose. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Dude, they go... | ||
| I see them all the time. | ||
| They just go on, like, little photo shoot dates with their, like, girls two and two, three, four, five at a time, and they're just taking pictures of each other. | ||
| They don't need to hire the photographer anymore. | ||
| I've seen that, man. | ||
| I was at a restaurant, and these two bitches just kept doing that back and forth with each other. | ||
| I was like, ladies, enjoy your meal. | ||
| And they were like, no, like this, like this? | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| With their iPhones? | ||
| Yeah, this is the I'm about to take a selfie face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ready? | |
| There's a thing that girls do with their neck that they only do when they're about to take a selfie. | ||
| This is it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ready? | |
| It's like, that weird neck movement. | ||
| Trying to get shit right? | ||
| That's this weird selfie neck. | ||
| You don't ever do that any other time. | ||
| Except for when you're looking at your phone and you're like... | ||
| You're just trying to get the selfie right? | ||
| Nothing is more awkward. | ||
| Nothing is more awkward seeing someone trying to take a selfie. | ||
| You ever seen that mom at the playground with her kid trying to take selfies? | ||
| She takes 40-something selfies. | ||
| You just do like this, bitch. | ||
| Smile. | ||
| That's what you look like. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| You just roll with it. | ||
| It doesn't always look great. | ||
| You don't need the perfect angle. | ||
| You're not tricking people, bud. | ||
| Filters. | ||
| That's how they do it, man. | ||
| It's this weird chicken movement. | ||
| Chicken heads! | ||
| Chicken heads. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chicken heads, that's where it comes from. | |
| Chickens be crazy, man. | ||
| It's not where it comes from, but it belongs in it. | ||
| True. | ||
| It's in the same umbrella. | ||
| But that's a real chicken head. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, this is really... | ||
| Trust me, I have chickens. | ||
| This is a fucking chicken head move. | ||
| That's what they do, man. | ||
| There's nothing more awkward than seeing someone trying to take fucking selfies. | ||
| It's so embarrassing. | ||
| This is definitely more awkward shit. | ||
| It's more awkward if your friend is taking you and you're a guy. | ||
| You're standing there like, hold on, bro. | ||
| Hold on, bro. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Hold on, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on, bro. | |
| Is it like this? | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Bro, what do you think? | ||
| Like this here? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it okay? | ||
| Get your ass back, bro. | ||
| If you're a guy and you're poking your ass out, like how many guys take pictures like this? | ||
| Hey, bro. | ||
| I'm going to look. | ||
| Look. | ||
| I'm mysterious. | ||
| I'm thinking about this book I'm writing. | ||
| Ass out. | ||
| It's so awkward, man. | ||
| I saw a story about a dude who died because he was getting a dick operation. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, he was getting fat pumped into his dick like Kim Kardashian's ass. | ||
| You're just trying to have a fat dick. | ||
| Had a fucking heart attack. | ||
| Fat went through his bloodstream somehow and his body locked up. | ||
| And that's a wrap! | ||
| And he was like 32 or some shit. | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| 30. 30. 30 year old. | ||
| Relatively healthy person. | ||
| Wanted a penile elongation and girth enhancement surgery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How? | |
| Holla at your boy! | ||
| Holla at the girth. | ||
| Which includes transferring fat from one area of the body and replace... | ||
| See, he doesn't understand. | ||
| When we talk about having a fat dick, that doesn't count. | ||
| That doesn't. | ||
| You take that literally. | ||
| You take George Foreman's fists. | ||
| You're like, man, I wish I had a fist like George Foreman. | ||
| I'm just going to pump fat in my hair. | ||
| It looks like Mickey Mouse's gloves. | ||
| Yeah, no, it doesn't. | ||
| This guy fucked up, man. | ||
| He fucked up! | ||
| Well, he definitely fucked up because now he's dead. | ||
| He had a pulmonary fat embolism when fat traveled the bloodstream to his lungs and ruptured blood vessels. | ||
| Christ! | ||
| First case of a seemingly simple and safe procedure of penis enlargement by autologous fat transfer caused a sudden death of a healthy young man, according to the report. | ||
| Doctors believe this is the first case. | ||
| First of all, doctors, fuck you. | ||
| Because that sounds like an ad for dick surgery, which you just shouldn't get, okay? | ||
| Because you don't know what you're doing. | ||
| You're just making weird, fucked up dicks. | ||
| You're not making a bigger dick. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| It's a completely useless procedure. | ||
| It never works and disfigures, man. | ||
| What if your dick got fatter, but the head was the same size? | ||
| Ah, you don't like that. | ||
| So it's like a big, giant guy with a tiny head. | ||
| There's this steroid dude, there's pictures of him on the internet, and his head is the size of a softball, and his body is as wide as his table. | ||
| It's like Beetlejuice. | ||
| He looks like the henchman from Mario Brothers, the movie, if you remember that. | ||
| It might be fake, though. | ||
| It might be one of them photoshopped things. | ||
| Someone shrugs it. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| That Beetlejuice movie was fucking outstanding. | ||
| Classic. | ||
| What a classic. | ||
| What a fucking phenomenal movie. | ||
| It's one of those remakes things that are happening. | ||
| No. | ||
| Beetlejuice? | ||
| I think he's going to be Beetlejuice though, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Oh, it's like a sequel? | ||
| Something. | ||
| Oh, it'll probably do it. | ||
| Because he's creepier looking now. | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I heard it's awesome. | ||
| I heard it's so good. | ||
| I heard it's really good. | ||
| Fuck, I need to see it. | ||
| I need to see it. | ||
| I love stupid shit like that. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| It's exciting to me. | ||
| Last night people were like, have you seen it? | ||
| I'm like, best movie ever. | ||
| Oof, I can't wait, man. | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I'm all in. | ||
| Just need to figure it out. | ||
| I think we need more monster movies. | ||
| Didn't you say that John Landis' son is remaking American Werewolf in London? | ||
| They're redoing something. | ||
| So in the same vein that the Avengers exist now, they're doing the monster world again. | ||
| Oh, Christ. | ||
| That's where the mummy is coming from. | ||
| Oh, like Frankenstein and the mummy are going to hang out together? | ||
| Dracula and all that. | ||
| I don't know if they're going to be a fucking fighting team. | ||
| I love a nice Dracula movie. | ||
| Origin stories first, and then I'm sure there's going to be a monster mash fight or something. | ||
| Mommy dropped the ball. | ||
| That's not what I asked, though. | ||
| I'm pretty sure John Landis' son, John Landis, the original director of An American Werewolf in London, my favorite movie of all time. | ||
| That's your favorite movie of all time? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I still watch it to this day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| First one, the real one, the only one. | ||
| Came out what year? | ||
| 1910? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| 1907? | ||
| I think I might have been right out of high school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Might have been like 85 or 86. Then there's American Werewolf in London. | |
| So he's made comments against the remake that his son is making, is what... | ||
| Oh, John Landis has made comments against his son's work? | ||
| What a dick. | ||
| Six hours ago, there's a clarification of these comments. | ||
| Hey, how about you keep your mouth shut, Pops? | ||
| Just let your sun shine. | ||
| Yeah, let him do his goddamn thing. | ||
| It's down 17. Yeah, but what if your son was like Eddie Van Halen's son and he just takes over Van Halen? | ||
| Oh, that'd be a moment. | ||
| You're like, hey, fuckface. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be a superpower. | ||
| You know, he starts singing. | ||
| He's like, I'm Van Halen, too. | ||
| No, no, no, you're not. | ||
| No, whoa, whoa, whoa. | ||
| But dude, check my last name. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| Look at my driver's license. | ||
| Van Halen. | ||
| Oh, I can't use the Van Halen name? | ||
| How about I'm Mike Van Halen? | ||
| The Mike Van Halen band. | ||
| Good? | ||
| That's Mike Van Halen. | ||
| Can I use that? | ||
| I'm going to sing Panama. | ||
| Is that okay? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that all right? | |
| Fuck that. | ||
| Hot for teacher. | ||
| They're just at the script process right now. | ||
| He's writing the script and it might get made, so it's not even that far yet. | ||
| Why is his dad tweaking? | ||
| Someone probably asked him. | ||
| There's a ways to go. | ||
| Someone wrote a blog about it and it spread. | ||
| What year was American Werewolf in London made? | ||
| Let's guess. | ||
| I want to say 90. I'll say 90. No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
87. I'll say 92. I'll say 87. 81. Wow! | |
| Way off. | ||
| But then there's another one, like a more current one, right? | ||
| Oh yeah, American Werewolf in Paris was terrible. | ||
| That's what I'm thinking about. | ||
| But it had that hot French girl. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oddly hot. | ||
| See, when you said that's your favorite movie, I completely judge you because I was based on that because that's why I was so bad. | ||
| But that girl was in an amazing movie that nobody's ever heard of called Killing Zoe. | ||
| It came out right around the time that, see, Pulp Fiction was made by Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avery. | ||
| A lot of people forgot about Roger Avery. | ||
| Roger Avery was a brilliant, brilliant screenwriter, really interesting guy, and he went to jail for like a drunk driving accident on the PCH in Malibu, like serious stuff, and he was actually tweeting from jail for a while. | ||
| Yeah, it was way, way, way back in the day. | ||
| Yeah, Julie Delpy. | ||
| But Roger Avery was tweeting from jail, like really interesting shit. | ||
| And one of the things that came out of that was that Quentin Tarantino used to have this rant that he did about Top Gun being like really gay. | ||
| And he did it in some movie, but apparently it's stolen straight up from Roger Avery. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| He got it from him and just did his bit? | ||
| Roger Avery had mapped it all out. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| And Tarantino just ganked it. | ||
| Took it. | ||
| Yeah, and did it in a movie. | ||
| Did it in a movie. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's the word. | ||
| But the Roger Avery movie, Killing Zoe, is with that girl, Julie Delpy, and it's excellent. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's a crazy, like, drama, crime drama movie. | ||
| Quentin Tarantino can't miss. | ||
| Kills it. | ||
| Kills it. | ||
| Yeah, it's a bummer, though, when you hear that he stole Roger Avery's Top Gun thing. | ||
| I would like to hear his story. | ||
| Maybe Roger Avery says he stole it, but maybe him and Quentin and Roger Avery came up with it together. | ||
| Maybe they were drunk, going back and forth. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then maybe Quentin just ran, but I know people have done that before. | ||
| Doug Stanhope has had a problem with that, where he has guys opening with him, and he'll be on the road, they'll go to a diner, Doug will be riffing about something and they will do it on stage the next day because they don't think it's a bit. | ||
| It's like they're getting in under the wire. | ||
| Tarantiner and screenwriter Roger Avery, which whom he penned Paul Fisher. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| No, it says the speech was written by them both. | ||
| Oh, the speech was originally written. | ||
| Yeah, but let's see if he says that for a separate feature. | ||
| While it's compelling, the theory errs on one. | ||
| Oh, is this the thing about him stealing it? | ||
| No, this is just about the theory itself. | ||
| And then this mentions them together writing it. | ||
| While it's compelling, the theory errs on one key aspect. | ||
| The duo argue that Top Gun is subversion on a mass level, but Tony Scott did not set out to make Starship Troopers. | ||
| Much of its homoeroticism was happenstance. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm just showing you that they wrote it together here in this article. | ||
| Right, but find out. | ||
| If that's true. | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| Find out if Roger Avery says Quentin Tarantino stole that idea from him. | ||
| So Stanhope would be at a restaurant just making people laugh? | ||
| Hanging out. | ||
| Riffing. | ||
| Has a couple cocktails in him. | ||
| Riffing with his opening acts. | ||
| This was a long time ago. | ||
| But he had a real issue with it. | ||
| And those guys would wind up doing his riffs on stage. | ||
| Like it was their own. | ||
| And I don't think he even wanted to say anything to him because he was all pissed off. | ||
| It was like... | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| I can't even rant around you guys. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Because that's like unspoken shit. | ||
| Not even unspoken. | ||
| It's like, you can't do that. | ||
| That's stealing. | ||
| Because those are your original ideas. | ||
| Yeah, and a guy like Stanhope, rather, that's how he formulates ideas. | ||
| He bounces them off friends. | ||
| If he can't bounce them off you because you're just stealing. | ||
| Steal the shit and his concepts. | ||
| It does happen, though, you know? | ||
| Sometimes... | ||
| Even this day and age, though? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Because you get found out so fast. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Just like Jon Jones. | ||
| People still do it. | ||
| People still cheat. | ||
| They try. | ||
| You get caught, though. | ||
| In comedy, if we're all hanging out in the back and you say something funny and then a week goes by and some guy goes up and does the same thing that you said, you're fucked. | ||
| Comedy's way easier to do that with than, say, cheating with steroids. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Different animals. | ||
| The thing with steroids is you could test it. | ||
| The thing with comedy is you could say, I thought of it too. | ||
| And you're like, okay, well, Top Gun does seem gay. | ||
| If you think about it, you know? | ||
| I mean, Val Kilmer's face is all sweaty and smooth-shaven. | ||
| He's got this, like, gay fuckboy haircut. | ||
| Him and Tom Cruise look at each other. | ||
| Tom Cruise gets mad, rides off on his motorbike because he's dangerous. | ||
| Dangerous people buttfuck, okay? | ||
| Yeah, they do. | ||
| Buttfuck with that dude with the crazy hair. | ||
| He's got a slippery, shiny, smooth face. | ||
| He comes out of the shower with a towel on. | ||
| They look in each other's eyes. | ||
| Play volleyball and shit. | ||
| I mean, it's not out of the possibilities that you could come up with that, too. | ||
| If you just watched it, you're like, yo, dude, is it me? | ||
| Or is this a gay movie? | ||
| I can totally see you saying that. | ||
| That seems like a total Brendan Shaw line. | ||
| And we would be howling and be like, it is gay! | ||
| Luke, the woman, what the fuck, what's the woman's name? | ||
| I forget the woman who plays his girl, Kelly something, plays his female love interest. | ||
| She was probably like, what is going on here? | ||
| How come nobody wants to fuck me? | ||
| Where's my goddamn sex scene? | ||
| Who wrote this? | ||
| The gay boy in the corner wrote this. | ||
| Literally, like, that's what it is. | ||
| Like, he's struggling with his true nature. | ||
| I mean, that's something that anybody could come up with. | ||
| But the question is, did Roger Avery come up with it? | ||
| And did Quentin Tarantino steal it? | ||
| Because, you know, Quentin Tarantino has been accused before of using the plot lines from a bunch of real classic Japanese movies for his films. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, like, um... | ||
| Like The Hateful Eight and shit? | ||
| I don't know about that one, but I think that was the thing with Reservoir Dogs. | ||
| I think Reservoir Dogs was essentially almost like a tribute of a classic Japanese gangster movie. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See if that's true. | ||
| We need like two other people Googling shit. | ||
| There's so much concepts out there. | ||
| He's known for that. | ||
| He takes a lot of whatever influences he'll call it, but it's like Degarek scene stealing or whatever. | ||
| Right, which is why someone would probably accuse him of doing this with the Roger Avery line. | ||
| See if you can find Roger Avery tweets from prison. | ||
| It was fascinating because he was in jail and somehow or another he was able to tweet. | ||
| I don't know how he was pulling it off, but they found out about it after a while and they canned it. | ||
| Canned his shit. | ||
| Well, Twitter's been around how long? | ||
| Not that long? | ||
| Seven years? | ||
| 2006. Yeah, 11 years. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| And this was the beginning days of Twitter when hardly anybody was using it. | ||
| Oscar winning Pulp Fiction writer tweets on life in prison. | ||
| Look at his face there. | ||
| He looks like pure shit there. | ||
| January, was that say 2008, for drunk driving. | ||
| Yeah, so he was quite a few years after it started. | ||
| Sickness spreads throughout the facility, like bushfires. | ||
| It was great stuff, man. | ||
| I remember reading it. | ||
| It's really interesting stuff. | ||
| See, you can find it. | ||
| You wouldn't even think about that, right? | ||
| Like a sickness spreading through the place like a bushfire. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Like a poet with his words. | ||
| Well, he's a brilliant writer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's why that movie Killing Zoe, which is his movie, What else did he make? | ||
| Super underrated. | ||
| Starship Troopers, it said? | ||
| No, I don't think that was him. | ||
| I think that was someone else. | ||
| They were just talking about the homo eroticism. | ||
| Oh, gotcha. | ||
| Versus Quentin Tarantino's... | ||
| Rules of Attraction, I think, was the one big one he made, too. | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bunch of fucked up shit happening in that movie. | ||
| He's got a weird mind, for sure. | ||
| Gonna have to be. | ||
| That's right, Beowulf. | ||
| That was a crazy movie, man. | ||
| You're watching a live video game. | ||
| Oh yeah, Beowulf is weird. | ||
| Oh, Silent Hill, alright. | ||
| Yeah, Beowulf is like, they did it CGI, but not realistic. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Well, because it started off as a video game, right? | ||
| No! | ||
| It started off as a fable. | ||
| It's an old, old, old story. | ||
| And they used, uh, back when... | ||
| Angelina Jolie is hot. | ||
| That's when she hypnotized Brad Pitt. | ||
| Got him to start drinking. | ||
| Adopting random cats and shit. | ||
| She cracked that dude. | ||
| She cracks them all. | ||
| That's a black widow right there, boy. | ||
| Billy Bob Thornton had Billy Bob Thornton wearing her blood around her neck and shit. | ||
| They were both wearing each other's blood. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Yeah, she was wrecking them back then. | ||
| It was just too powerful an attraction. | ||
| Those lips, too. | ||
| Yeah, that I did. | ||
| Out of the world. | ||
| Out of the world. | ||
| That movie was weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't know she was the tiger and panda. | ||
| Now you know. | ||
| Killing the game. | ||
| Yeah, but it's, um, that Beowulf movie was fun, because it was, like, animated, but, like, they used people's faces, so it was, like, kind of close, but you knew it wasn't real. | ||
| It was real weird. | ||
| I don't know if you could pull that off today. | ||
| You could. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| Yeah, it was a fun movie. | ||
| It was good. | ||
| Like, that movie? | ||
| Well, I guess Avatar's a little bit of that. | ||
| Nah, because Avatar, the people look like people. | ||
| In this movie, nobody looks like a person. | ||
| Yeah, but the avatars do look like aliens, but they still have the same kind of concepts. | ||
| CGI quality. | ||
| Yeah, you can tell it's the actor. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| But it looks a lot better than this shit. | ||
| Way better. | ||
| But that's also because it's not a person. | ||
| See, that's the sneaky trick about CGI, is that CGI works best on something that's not real. | ||
| Because we have nothing to base it off of. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why CGI is so bad with animals. | ||
| Like when you see like those wolves in the Game of Thrones, like that's not really there. | ||
| Although Jungle Book said, what up? | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| Pretty good. | ||
| Pretty fucking good. | ||
| It's getting way better for sure. | ||
| Way better. | ||
| It's like, it's at the edge of what they call the Uncanny Valley. | ||
| You know what the Uncanny Valley is? | ||
| It's like the gap between something that looks hyper-realistic and something that looks totally fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's like you get to this point where like, wow, almost. | ||
| It's real close. | ||
| And then you can't tell. | ||
| I wish I could stop clearing my throat. | ||
| Try not to, folks. | ||
| You're getting mad. | ||
| No, it's the weed. | ||
| Smoked weed before this podcast. | ||
| I'll take that throat problem over shitting my pants right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm worried for that slingshot. | |
| I'll just light that bathroom up one more time before you leave. | ||
| You don't want to get on that PCH and start spraying people behind you when that ocean wind hits you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Fucking. | ||
| Fucking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fucking trouble. | |
| Imagine you're driving in your car and just shit splatters on your windshield. | ||
| Bro, you shit on my Porsche. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What in the fuck? | |
| You shit on my fucking Porsche. | ||
| We have problems. | ||
| If you were in that slingshot, and there's diarrhea just flying out of your ass, and maybe you have beaver fever. | ||
| You know what beaver fever is? | ||
| Beaver fever is when people drink water. | ||
| They get out of the ground, like a creek water. | ||
| You get giardia. | ||
| It's from beavers shitting in the water. | ||
| Like, literally, you're getting bacteria. | ||
| Giardia literally comes from animal shit. | ||
| Well, I got beaver fever from this coffee. | ||
| But when you get it, you're, like, hurt, and you're like... | ||
| Not doing well. | ||
| I'm trying to be cool. | ||
| Trying to put on my happy face. | ||
| But you look like you have plenty of energy. | ||
| Yeah, I feel alright. | ||
| I'm a good actor. | ||
| I feel like in any given point I could shit my pants. | ||
| I just can't believe you haven't shit your pants before. | ||
| Ever? | ||
| Maybe when I was a kid. | ||
| Man, one time I was coming home. | ||
| Or maybe in here just now. | ||
| I was coming home from Fear Factor once and I filled my pants up like one of them Glad Hefty bags like a construction worker would use. | ||
| He'd throw cement in there or something. | ||
| I just couldn't hold it in. | ||
| I was like, Jesus! | ||
| Jesus! | ||
| Oh no! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was just epic. | |
| Why? | ||
| What car were you in? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Did you shit your Supra? | ||
| No, it was past that. | ||
| The Supra I had in 95 or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You just let these logs get over? | |
| I didn't want to. | ||
| I don't remember the exact specifics, but I do absolutely remember filling my underwear with shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In my car going, fuck! | |
| I just couldn't, maybe I was stuck in traffic. | ||
| I don't remember the specifics, but I for sure shit my pants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It must have been so bad for you to go, fuck it! | |
| It was no, I didn't have a, there was no argument on my part. | ||
| I really didn't have the willpower. | ||
| There was nothing there that could stop this from taking place. | ||
| It was just gonna take place. | ||
| This levels to everything, bro. | ||
| This levels to diarrhea. | ||
| I agree, man. | ||
| There's certain levels of diarrhea where, like, listen, I don't care how much sphincter workouts you've been doing. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, when that thing's coming. | ||
| Do you think, I would imagine, like, your butt is probably, you could really, like, you know how girls do, like, Kegel exercises? | ||
| Kegel exercises, to me, it's like, man, who's got that, is that muscle even developed? | ||
| Like, you're on a long road ahead of you, tightening that bad bitch up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| I don't know if it's possible. | ||
| Sit there! | ||
| It is! | ||
| Like, Russian chicks can carry weights with them. | ||
| There's a woman from Russia that has, like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They can do it. | |
| She has, like, the world record. | ||
| She's like 70 kilos with her pussy. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| She clamps down. | ||
| They put, like, a golf ball on the end of a rope and attach it to a kettlebell. | ||
| I bet there's some gay boys who can carry some shit. | ||
| And this bitch stuffs that golf ball in her pussy and just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Clamps it down. | |
| Carries that weight around. | ||
| I don't want that. | ||
| But your butt would be way easier to clamp down. | ||
| But I don't care who you are. | ||
| If you had the diarrhea I had that day, it's coming out. | ||
| I'm telling you right now, if you get a metro brew with extra shots, you go and sizzle in your pants. | ||
| How to do butt kegels. | ||
| There we go. | ||
| Here we go. | ||
| What's the website we're dealing with here? | ||
| Luxury spot. | ||
| Luxury spot. | ||
| Is it a girl website? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Butt kegels. | ||
| Butt kegels. | ||
| What they are and how to do them. | ||
| Get larger, please. | ||
| Let me read this. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Larger. | ||
| Yeah, there we go. | ||
| Why do butt kegels? | ||
| Kegels are designed to tighten the... | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at this word. | ||
| P-U-B-O-C-O-C-C-Y-G-E-U-S. Pugokake. | ||
| Pupococcus muscles. | ||
| Your asshole! | ||
| The PC muscles are used for two things. | ||
| Clenching your anus and controlling the flow of urine. | ||
| Anytime you stop yourself midstream at the urinal, these are the PC muscles at work. | ||
| Well, my shit's working overtime right now. | ||
| My anus clenching skills, I'm like Cain Velasquez. | ||
| Like, I have stamina. | ||
| Women with strong PC muscles tend to have tighter, stronger vaginas, which often means stronger contractions during orgasms. | ||
| If you know anything about orgasms, you know that stronger is always better. | ||
| All caps. | ||
| If you know anything about orgasms. | ||
| That's not a very technical way to write. | ||
| Men, on the other hand... | ||
| Use the PC muscles to stop their urine mid-flow, but also to stop urine from coming out in the first place. | ||
| When you feel the need to use the bathroom, but have to hold it thanks to a long line, those are the PC muscles doing the work. | ||
| So you're clenching your PC muscles so you can stop your flow of piss. | ||
| Or you're tightening up your asshole. | ||
| Or you will be able to clench to stop gas from passing through your anus, to hold your waist until you reach a toilet, and even to eliminate waste more efficiently. | ||
| You'd be surprised, bitch. | ||
| And be better at getting buttfucked. | ||
| Buttfucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That too. | |
| Really tightened down on the dick. | ||
| How about, why did he leave that out of there? | ||
| You're talking about kegels. | ||
| But Kegels is an exercise that they use for tightening your vagina to enhance intercourse. | ||
| So you're calling it Kegels, and you're saying, I'm doing it to stop shitting myself? | ||
| How often is this taking place? | ||
| Maybe you should reconsider your diet before you sit around like an asshole just clenching your butt all day. | ||
| Well, I wish I did those exercises last night. | ||
| Well, no, then you'd be fatigued. | ||
| You want to do them like two weeks ago. | ||
| You want to start it out. | ||
| You got to peak at the right time. | ||
| I didn't expect this, though. | ||
| Got to build up. | ||
| I did my run today, and I went harder and stronger than I've ever done it before. | ||
| I still suck at it. | ||
| Long distance? | ||
| It's all hills. | ||
| You know, I'm doing two miles in these very steep hills. | ||
| Beastie. | ||
| But I can do it longer. | ||
| I know I suck at it still, but when you know that you're making just a little bit of progress, just a little bit of progress, you know? | ||
| That's the same thing with butt kegels. | ||
| I've been running for a long time. | ||
| Still running with those vibrant shoes? | ||
| Not today. | ||
| Today I didn't because I've been hunting with these things. | ||
| These Solomons. | ||
| Don't I have laces on them? | ||
| No. | ||
| Like Velcro for kids? | ||
| They pull tight with like a cord and then it slides down. | ||
| The cord tucks into the mouth of your shoe. | ||
| Very easy to tighten up when you're in the field. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Out there in the field. | ||
| You don't have time to tie your shoe. | ||
| But I like the Vibram five fingers better, but I wanted to get a real hard run in today. | ||
| And I have to be more careful where I step when I wear those five finger shoes. | ||
| I can just go reckless, hard, full out with these things on. | ||
| I'll step anywhere. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| So you can get a better workout. | ||
| Yeah, because with the Vibrams, if I hit a sharp rock, I'm kind of fucked. | ||
| With this, I'm not even feeling that shit. | ||
| With these things, I can run over pretty much anything. | ||
| But I think for controlling... | ||
| What's up? | ||
| So close to shit in my pants. | ||
| Just go, we'll wrap it up. | ||
| We'll wrap it up. | ||
| It's almost 2 o'clock. | ||
| I know, we got this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to fuck with my sphinx or muscles or whatever. | |
| Keep it together. | ||
| Your face is amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Self-discipline. | |
| This is your face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ready? | |
| Here's you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, Jesus. | |
| You know what you like? | ||
| You know what your face looks like? | ||
| You ever do that teacup ride at Disney? | ||
| When you do that thing and you're spinning and you're kind of going too fast. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| Me? | ||
| I don't want to be the first guy to shit his pants on the podcast. | ||
| Me and Cam Haynes and our kids got in one of them teacup things, and with me and him going full clip, I mean full clip. | ||
| I don't know there's a limitation on how fast those things go, but it ain't getting any faster. | ||
| Anyway, we got it. | ||
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| We were spinning so fast. | ||
| Did you guys feel sick? | ||
| Oh, totally sick. | ||
| Dude, my youngest, my seven-year-old is fucking nuts. | ||
| She loves to go on those things fast. | ||
| Like, there's a carousel at the mall that's actually way faster than the one at Disneyland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, they have a teacup thing on there. | ||
| And you go right down the street, the Panga Mall. | ||
| You grab that fucking steering wheel and start whipping around. | ||
| It goes so fast. | ||
| Your head is like, you're holding your, you have to use all your muscles to keep your head from just bending over. | ||
| That's what you look like right here. | ||
| You're like, that's like... | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| It's like you're on a teacup. | ||
| I really regret driving that slingshot. | ||
| Like spitting. | ||
| Dude, just stick your asshole up in the air when you get on the highway. | ||
| When you come over the crest of the 405 and you get that big long hill, just pull your pants down, lift your ass in the air, and just... | ||
| No, son, I'm taking Topanga Canyon so no one sees me shit that slingshot out. | ||
| Callan has a great story about being with a girl once, like many, many moons ago, and he was going on a hike with her and he had a shit, and so he came up with something like, hold on, I'm ready, I hear something, and he made a game out of it that he ran and shit, and she thought it was really funny, you know, and she's like, what are you doing? | ||
| He's like, nothing, I heard something. | ||
| No big deal. | ||
| I'm just making sure that we're safe. | ||
| And then they kept hiking and he's like, oh my god, I have to shit again. | ||
| And then he ran away again. | ||
| And she's like, what are you doing? | ||
| And then she realized he was shitting. | ||
| She's like, oh no! | ||
| Oh no! | ||
| Sorry! | ||
| He's just out there in the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's nothing he can do. | |
| He's shitting himself. | ||
| There's just nothing he can do. | ||
| It's a fucking animal, man. | ||
| It is life. | ||
| It is life. | ||
| It's a weird thing, man. | ||
| Like, you know, like the inefficiency of the body. | ||
| Like, breaking everything down, but not this stuff. | ||
| Get it out of here. | ||
| Your body's like, this is not good, man. | ||
| Get it out of here now. | ||
| I wonder if, like... | ||
| It's like hot lava. | ||
| That's a good... | ||
| Is that a good... | ||
| Design? | ||
| Like, is there any animal? | ||
| Is there any animal, like, or plant? | ||
| Does a plant do that? | ||
| Like, the plant takes things in, but the plant doesn't shit anything out, right? | ||
| Plant gets rid of waste. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Does it? | |
| It gets rid of oxygen. | ||
| It processes carbon dioxide and turns it into oxygen. | ||
| But it's not waste. | ||
| That's like us. | ||
| We breathe out carbon dioxide. | ||
| I wouldn't necessarily say it's waste. | ||
| It's just we're transferring. | ||
| But if that carbon dioxide was in your body, you'd die, right? | ||
| So we're getting rid of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, it doesn't kill you. | ||
| Obviously, you're making it. | ||
| You're pushing it out. | ||
| You just don't want to have too much of it and get sick. | ||
| But do you know that the air is not really mostly oxygen? | ||
| Do you know what most of the air is? | ||
| Nitrogen. | ||
| Nitrogen. | ||
| Like a massive percentage of it. | ||
| I think it's in like the high 80s, right? | ||
| I want to say 68%, something like that. | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| But the plant just turns it into carbon dioxide. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's all they do. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| So what they're getting out of the water and out of the soil, they figure out a way to use. | ||
| But what percentage of the air is nitrogen? | ||
| I really want to say it's in the 80s. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| I'm just making it up. | ||
| You know, they pull nitrogen out of the air and use it for fertilizer. | ||
| 78%. | ||
| Goddamn, that's high. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| It's mostly nitrogen. | ||
| 21% oxygen. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| You would think the air is mostly oxygen and carbon dioxide. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| That's what we taught in school. | ||
| But all the other animals, living organisms, maybe besides plants, release the waste, same as we do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Every other mammal, fish, they all do it. | ||
| You know what's crazy is that there's nitrogen around us all the time and a dude figured out how to extract that nitrogen out of the air and use it for fertilizer and that's why there's so many people on the earth today. | ||
| There's a guy named Fritz Haber and he made something called the Haber method of extracting nitrogen. | ||
| He did it like in World War I. He's a genius. | ||
| He also created Zyklon A, which is the shit that they use. | ||
| Agent A? No, the stuff that they gassed the Jews with. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| But he didn't mean to make it, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| He made Zyklon A, which had a scent to it. | ||
| So you could tell when it was there to get away from it. | ||
| They removed the scent and created Zyklon B. And that's what they used to gas the Jews in the gas chambers. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| And he was Jewish, which is even more fucked up. | ||
| So he was there during World War I. And then when World War II was happening, that's when he had to leave Germany and wound up dying and having a heart attack. | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy shit, man. | ||
| He was also... | ||
| This was like the nuttiest thing about Haber. | ||
| At the time, he was receiving the Nobel Prize for creating the Haber method of extracting nitrogen out of the atmosphere. | ||
| Rightfully so. | ||
| He also was wanted for crimes against humanity because he was gassing the British and Canadian, I think it was, troops when they first started. | ||
| He was the first guy that initiated a gas attack. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| So this guy that's responsible, the nitrogen from the Haber method is responsible for some insane percentage of the nitrogen that's in people's bodies that comes from food. | ||
| Like they think it's something around like half. | ||
| Like half of the nitrogen that you have in your body from food was a direct result of them extracting it out of the air with the Haber method. | ||
| Which is like, what? | ||
| And this is the same guy. | ||
| That was gassing allied forces. | ||
| And this is the same guy that created this Zyklon A, which eventually became Zyklon B that they used to gas the Jews. | ||
| Brilliant dude. | ||
| Brilliant dude, but nuts. | ||
| His wife apparently shot herself in front of him because she disagreed with who knows what the whole thing was, but what he was doing and he was off to war and all this thing. | ||
| So in front of him, he shot herself. | ||
| He left his dying wife with his 13-year-old son and said, see, gotta go to war. | ||
| Oh, he's a terrible person. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Brilliant, but terrible. | ||
| Who knows what the actual circumstances were? | ||
| I guess you'd have to get all the variables of why he left. | ||
| The son might have had other people to watch out for him. | ||
| He had no option other than to leave. | ||
| You could drop him off at a friend's house, for God's sakes. | ||
| I don't know if the kid was with somebody or not, is my point. | ||
| But that's the story behind it. | ||
| This one brilliant guy that figured out a way to extract nitrogen became this fucking creator of a monster. | ||
| Yeah, but also the reason why, I mean, maybe somebody would have figured it out eventually, but he's the reason why they were able to do that during World War I. Don't you think someone would have eventually came along and figured it out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Most of that stuff. | ||
| I think with most things. | ||
| With most things. | ||
| I think that was the case with the invention of a light bulb. | ||
| I think there was a bunch of people that were working on it at the same time. | ||
| And the invention of... | ||
| I think the telephone was the same thing. | ||
| Radio was the same thing. | ||
| There's always like... | ||
| Almost inventions, like we were talking about that chip that sort of rewires your DNA. There's always these inventions that open up the possibility of other inventions. | ||
| And then the technology that allows for an invention like that gets analyzed by a bunch of different people. | ||
| It's always one of those things where... | ||
| Anytime something happens today, there's a network. | ||
| It's very rare that one person figures one thing out that nobody ever saw before. | ||
| It's like there's a network of inventions and innovations at all sides. | ||
| Yeah, because you need machines and computers and all these different things that other people have created that allow you to do the calculations to invent something new. | ||
| So all it feeds off of all of it. | ||
| And then isn't it the best kind of, sometimes, the best marketer, best talker, they get the notoriety for it sometimes? | ||
| Sometimes, yeah. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Just like fighting, right? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm coming for a full circle. | |
| So, before we end this, Canelo or Gennady Golovkin? | ||
| Oh my god, what a fucking fight. | ||
| Well, your lady is Mexican, so you gotta root for Canelo, otherwise you'd be ostracized. | ||
| And they're from the same hometown, Guadalajara. | ||
| They'll kick you the fuck out. | ||
| I'm rooting for Canelo. | ||
| I'm rooting for a good performance, Brendan Schaaf, because that's what I do. | ||
| That's what you do. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I have to. | ||
| Not in this case. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because I want to see what happens. | ||
| I want to see what happens. | ||
| I don't have, like, a guy I want to win. | ||
| Like, if Triple G wins, I'm not going to be bummed out. | ||
| No, I just want a good fight. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I want to see what happens. | ||
| But I'm that guy. | ||
| I don't want to see either guy lose. | ||
| Like, I like both of them. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, I don't want any guy to lose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't want anyone to have that L. Put that weigh-in today, too. | |
| Oh, yeah, would that little kid punch that guy in the dick? | ||
| That's his son. | ||
| Punch that guy in the dick. | ||
| Billy Joe Saunders. | ||
| He's a great follower. | ||
| Why is this little kid on the fucking stage? | ||
| Look, he gets on the scale. | ||
| He gets on the scale. | ||
| And the guy's like, no, don't do that, dude. | ||
| Sam, look at this. | ||
| He's flexing. | ||
| The kid's on the scale. | ||
| And he's just like, what's up, little man? | ||
| And he punched him. | ||
| And he kicked him. | ||
| That's so fucked up. | ||
| It's such a bad look. | ||
| Well, it's so stupid that they let that little kid be there. | ||
| What if he punched that kid right in the face? | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| At least slap him. | ||
| What if he kicked him? | ||
| Be good to go. | ||
| Tie boxing him right in the face. | ||
| Not to throw up. | ||
| I don't know what's going on. | ||
| Next time, the lady at Starbucks says, don't put two extra shots. | ||
| She's fucking right. | ||
| Yeah, you can't add extra shots to a caveman nitro, unless you're Tate Fletcher. | ||
| Tate Fletcher can consume. | ||
| He can throw that caveman nitro down like it's water. | ||
| Let's just wrap this up before you shit yourself. | ||
| I'm gonna throw up and shit myself. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What do you think's going on here? | ||
| Not good. | ||
| This is my prediction. | ||
| I think if Triple G doesn't stop him, Canelo wins in a decision, the public's piss. | ||
| Because you gotta look at the politics of it. | ||
| Golden Boy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And Canelo's the headliner. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| You're saying if Triple G... Hold the music, please. | ||
| You're saying if Triple G outboxes him, he won't get the decision? | ||
| Box him for you. | ||
| I think you would. | ||
| Because I think it sets up the rematch. | ||
| I think you get a rematch no matter what, even if it gives a decision. | ||
| As long as no one gets stopped. | ||
| So you really think that if Triple G puts on a show and outboxes Canelo, he'll get robbed? | ||
| You'd have to outclass him for like 10 rounds, which I don't think you will. | ||
| I think if it's even close, like let's say it's like 7-6, something crazy, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My concern with... | ||
| Canelo is that he might not have the endurance for a prolonged firefight. | ||
| And you think Triple G does? | ||
| Because he did it against Jacobs. | ||
| You got pretty tight against Jacobs. | ||
| Yeah, but that was a goddamn firefight as well. | ||
| Completely different fight. | ||
| It was a very good fight. | ||
| Some people don't think he won the fight. | ||
| You don't think he won that fight? | ||
| It's close. | ||
| Oh, I thought he won the fight. | ||
| I'd give it to him. | ||
| It was a very good fight. | ||
| It was fucking close. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jacobs, completely different fight than Canelo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jacobs can move. | |
| I actually just watched that the other day. | ||
| Great fight. | ||
| I forgot how good it was. | ||
| Jacobs is a motherfucker. | ||
| I had to clear some space on my DVR, so I was deleting some boxing matches. | ||
| I know how that goes. | ||
| You know how that goes. | ||
| You get to a certain thing, you're like, why do I have 100 Ted Nugent Spirit of the Wild saved? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you have to shove bullshit in there. | ||
| So I got to that fight and I said, ooh, let me watch this again because this Triple G fight's coming up this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
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That was like... | |
| Jacobs can fight his ass off. | ||
| That was a great fight. | ||
| Toughest fight for Triple G. Everyone's like, oh, he's over the hill. | ||
| I'm like, no, Jacobs is just a monster. | ||
| And completely different fight than Canelo. | ||
| His footwork. | ||
| It makes me wish Terrence Crawford was just a little bigger. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know, because he's about 45 now. | ||
| He'll go up to 47. He wants to fight Pacquiao. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And I wish he was like 160, you know? | ||
| Me too. | ||
| Because he's a thin fella. | ||
| Small. | ||
| I think part of his style is he's built perfect for the way he fights. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Amazing. | |
| He's got perfect endurance. | ||
| If you put more weight on him, he'd probably be weighed down a little. | ||
| It'll slow him down. | ||
| He's definitely in his zone. | ||
| 40, 47. That's the right weight class. | ||
| Boxen's having a killer year, man. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Now they have Anthony Joshua. | ||
| He's fighting. | ||
| And then you have... | ||
| Legit Goliath heavyweight champion built like a statue. | ||
| Looks like a Greek god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you also have... | ||
| And really well-spoken, super polite... | ||
| Under-armor athlete. | ||
| British guy. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you got Wilder, Deontay Wilder, fighting fucking, what's his name? | ||
| The fucking Cuban killer. | ||
| Oh yeah, King Kong. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's fighting him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's a rough fight for Wilder. | ||
| I think it's a bad idea. | ||
| Then the winners of each of those will fight. | ||
| It's a good time for boxing, but tomorrow's the big one. | ||
| Tomorrow's the big one. | ||
| Tomorrow really shows who the superstar in boxing is. | ||
| Because Lomachenko, I think, is one of the most skillful guys ever. | ||
| But he's not being challenged. | ||
| He's not a draw. | ||
| Well, there's also not a guy in his division that stands out as being the guy he has to fight. | ||
| He's like Mighty Mouse. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whereas, like... | ||
| Canelo and Triple G is the fight that everybody's wanted to see for a while. | ||
| I think you're going to get a trilogy from that. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows how it plays out? | ||
| I can't wait though. | ||
| Yeah, I wonder. | ||
| I really wonder what's going to happen. | ||
| I'm super fascinated. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| And then you also have, what do you think about David Branch versus Luke Rockhold tomorrow? | ||
| I haven't seen it myself. | ||
| People are like, hey, have you seen Rockhold at Wayne's? | ||
| Doesn't look the same. | ||
| What Wayne's? | ||
| They had Wayne's yesterday. | ||
| Oh, yesterday at weigh-ins. | ||
| When you're saying, at weigh-ins, I was thinking, like, other weigh-ins? | ||
| Like, what weigh-ins? | ||
| Oh, I hear you. | ||
| I forgot that it's today. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The weigh-ins today. | ||
| The fight's tomorrow. | ||
| The weigh-ins were today, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people were complaining about it. | ||
|
unidentified
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Let's see. | |
| Try to get a picture of Luke Rockhold from today's weigh-in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, Luke's a... | ||
| You could argue he's the best middleweight in the world. | ||
| You know, he had that rough... | ||
| How can you argue with that if Michael Bisping knocked him out? | ||
| We... | ||
| Hear me out, dude. | ||
| You could say he's not, because Michael Bisping's the real champ, but he got caught by Bisping, right? | ||
| But before that, Luke Rockhold's a motherfucker. | ||
| Hector Lombard's back. | ||
| Did you hear that Tiago Alves had a back out? | ||
| Yeah, because of a hurricane. | ||
| Lombard's fighting a big guy. | ||
| Was that what it is, because of a hurricane? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with Rockhold. | ||
| He looks fine. | ||
| The thinnest I've ever seen him. | ||
| Talking shit to each other. | ||
| Rockhold should destroy him. | ||
| I want to hear what they were saying, man. | ||
| Oh, listen, David Branch's no joke, dude. | ||
| Don't get confused. | ||
| If Rockhold fucks up and gets clipped by Branch, what are they saying to each other? | ||
| No volume? | ||
| Branch's been talking shit for a while now. | ||
| Can't hear nothing? | ||
| Yeah, see if you can hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
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That's Anik. | |
| Let me hear this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm gonna break you up son. | |
| Or break you up, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That's a good fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not that dramatic. | |
| I wasn't great shit talking. | ||
| I'm gonna break you up, son. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| I'm gonna break you off, son. | ||
| It'd be funny if you said that. | ||
| I'm gonna get all up in that ass. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does that mean? | |
| What exactly does that mean? | ||
| Well, you're not gonna win a fight, right? | ||
| You know that. | ||
| So what are you gonna do? | ||
| You break me up? | ||
| You're gonna break me up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does that mean? | |
| What does that mean? | ||
| Luke's been gone for a while. | ||
| Branch is a tough customer, and he's a former world champion at World Series of Fighting at heavyweight, middleweight. | ||
| But if you're not in the UFC, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| You're not fighting the same guys Luke Rockhold fought. | ||
| Well, he fought Rumble, and he went to a decision. | ||
| In World Series? | ||
| Lost a decision to rumble in World Series. | ||
| At light heavyweight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's rumble in World Series. | ||
| He wasn't exactly a world beater. | ||
| It wasn't that long ago. | ||
| It wasn't the rumble in the UFC. Also, Dave Branch had his run in the UFC before World Series. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Then it was a World Series of fighting. | ||
| Does work. | ||
| Well, Gerald Harris KO'd him with a slam in his first fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great slam. | |
| From the guard. | ||
| Picked him up and slammed him. | ||
| It was a great slam. | ||
| In the UFC, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and then he lost to... | ||
| It's like, it depends like how focused, motivated. | ||
| Very skillful. | ||
| He's very skillful. | ||
| His ground game is very good. | ||
| Talking about Branch or Rockhold? | ||
| Yeah, Branch. | ||
| I think I'm a ground Rockhold. | ||
| See, you can't say underrated because he's underrated because he's fighting, he's playing grab-ass in World Series of Fighting. | ||
| It's not even close to that. | ||
| I mean, you're talking about WNBA compared to NBA. I just think he's very talented, and if Rockhold doesn't take him seriously the same way he didn't take Bisping seriously, he'd get fucked up. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| There's a lot of pressure on Rockhold, because he's been gone for a while. | ||
| He needs this win. | ||
| The only way I think Rockhold gets fucked up is, again, if he doesn't take him serious, and if his heart's not in it. | ||
| But if a game Rockhold shows up, a game David Brandt shows up, Rockhold destroys him. | ||
| I can see Rockhold even submitting him. | ||
| Underrated with his top position. | ||
| His top game is like having a fucking tree on you. | ||
| His jiu-jitsu is ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, very ridiculous. | ||
| You look at the Lyoto Machida fight, beat the shit out of him from the top position. | ||
| When he got Weidman down, you could see Weidman was shocked. | ||
| He submitted Bisping with one arm after a head kick, but still. | ||
| I think Rockhold's stand-up is going to be the difference maker in this. | ||
| And he's got a long reach, man. | ||
| He's huge. | ||
| He's got to make sure that he doesn't fuck up and get clipped again. | ||
| But I want to see what happens, because when a guy like Rockhold, who has a lot to lose but not a lot to gain, fights a guy like Branch, who has the golden opportunity in front of him. | ||
| I mean, if Branch can beat Rockhold, it's just gigantic. | ||
| Elevates him. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| And I've been watching his training footage. | ||
| He's training fucking hard. | ||
| Just the question is, is it hard enough? | ||
| Is he in that kind of shape? | ||
| Is he at world-class level? | ||
| He's really never fought anybody like Rockhold other than Rumble in the World Series. | ||
| But also, with Branch, it's like, are you gonna take the fucking governor off and go after it? | ||
| Because his last fight, maybe it's just a dance partner. | ||
| Even the World Series fight, he's not murking, guys. | ||
| So it's like, in the UFC, he's never been that guy everyone was afraid of. | ||
| Luke Rockhold will take the governor off and kick you in the fucking face. | ||
| It's a very interesting fight because it's supposed to be, if you looked at it on paper, it would be more of a showcase fight for Rockhold. | ||
| Rockhold was the former champion. | ||
| I don't think David Branch is ranked in the top five. | ||
| I think he's nine. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| So it's a big opportunity for Branch, you know? | ||
| How old is Branch? | ||
| I want to say he's like 36. Can't tell the black guys. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| It's a good thing. | ||
| 35. Yeah, so he's not too old. | ||
| It's going to be interesting. | ||
| And then Rockhold is like, what, 30? | ||
| Rockhold's still pretty young. | ||
| I think. | ||
| The thing about Rockhold, he needs this fight because out of sight, out of mind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| He doesn't find a grip, so everyone's like, all right, let's see it. | ||
| Not only that, everybody remembers Bisping clipping him, knocking him out, and then talking mad shit to him inside the cage after he knocked him out. | ||
| Is this fight tonight or Saturday night? | ||
| Tomorrow night. | ||
| Is it for sure tomorrow night? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're doing a fight companion, but you're not gonna be here. | |
| You guys are doing a fight companion instead of... | ||
| I'll watch that later. | ||
| Triple G. I can't miss Triple G. I gotta see. | ||
| Maybe I'll watch a little bit of Triple G. You're crazy. | ||
| A little bit of that. | ||
| I cannot fucking watch. | ||
| We've got multiple screens here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, we'll watch both. | ||
| Dude, I'm too correct for Triple G. Why don't I put one of them on YouTube as well? | ||
| Bravo playlist. | ||
| In the background, you see Tower 7 collapsing. | ||
| We'll put K1 on one of the screens. | ||
| I just can't miss it, man. | ||
| Yeah, this card's not that bad. | ||
| You know, it would have been a lot better with Tiago Alves and Mike Perry. | ||
| That would be a crazy fucking fight. | ||
| Mike Perry's a monster. | ||
| They're both American top team, too. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, Perry's a monster, but Tiago is just very skillful. | ||
| There's a big difference. | ||
| Okay, he's fighting Alex Reyes. | ||
| Stepped up. | ||
| Alex Reyes is no joke, man. | ||
| 13-2. | ||
| Who's Alex Reyes fought? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Short notice. | |
| I've seen him fight. | ||
| Yeah, right? | ||
| Like, what kind of shape is he in? | ||
| Can he make the weight? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| No record there? | ||
| It's not? | ||
| Well, they have to update it. | ||
| Fight history. | ||
| Alright, let's wrap this fucker up. | ||
| Good night, everybody. | ||
| Fighter and the Kid, TFATK.com. | ||
| Long Beach, next Friday. | ||
| Laugh Factory. | ||
| Laugh Factory, Long Beach. | ||
| TFATK.com, live. | ||
| Live. | ||
| Tickets for the first show just went on sale today for New Year's Eve. | ||
| Tickets for the second show, the 10 o'clock show, I think they're sold out. | ||
| At the Wiltern in Los Angeles, me and the great and powerful Ian Edwards, who's, in my opinion, one of the funniest fucking comedians working in the world today. | ||
| So first show is going to be at 7.30. | ||
| Second show is at 10.00. | ||
| 7.30 tickets went on sale a couple hours ago. | ||
| All right, you fuckers. | ||
| We'll see you soon. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| Big kiss. |
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