Aug. 10, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:23:03
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Boom, and we're live. | |
| Dude, you survived. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up, buddy? | |
| I survived. | ||
| You survived the Joey Diaz experience. | ||
| You know, I got a text from Tom Segura. | ||
| Tom, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I said, because he asked me, we were backstage about to go on stage at the main room, and he's like, I want you to do my podcast, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And I'm like, awesome. | ||
| And then we were texting just about my schedule with him. | ||
| And then I'm like, okay, I'm going to go see Joey Diaz, dah, dah, dah, dah. | ||
| And he's like, dude, fucking gummy bears, watch out! | ||
| And I'm like, what are you talking about? | ||
| I didn't understand what he was talking about. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I honestly didn't... | ||
| I was like, whatever, I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| And then once I got there, I smoke weed sometimes. | ||
| I don't smoke all the time, but I like to smoke weed sometimes. | ||
| But as far as the edibles... | ||
| Like Dean Gelber is like giving me some like pot stuff but like cookies and shit but then like he was eating these gummy bears and they're in a bag and I was like going fuck okay and he gave me just like he gave me just like an ear or some shit and that was it and then I was just like talking and then like literally I couldn't talk anymore. | ||
| I couldn't talk. | ||
| So you only ate a part of it. | ||
| I only ate half of one. | ||
| And I had to leave. | ||
| He's got some that are like 500 milligrams, which is just insane. | ||
| So you probably had half of that, which is like 250, which is fucking insane. | ||
| That's an insane amount of weed. | ||
| Unless you're an OG. Yeah, but I had done mushrooms once before when I was younger, and it felt like that. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's... | ||
| To the risk of repeating myself over and over again, which I do all the time, but when you eat marijuana, it's processed by your liver, and it produces something called 11-hydroxy-metabolite. | ||
| It's a totally different psychoactive substance that's four to five times more psychoactive than THC. So that's why it hits you like that. | ||
| And that's why people think they got dosed, because when you smoke pot, it's not psychoactive. | ||
| But when you eat it, it's processed by your liver. | ||
| It's something called a one-pass, and that's how it produces that. | ||
| Yeah, and I can't believe he let me drive home. | ||
| Like, seriously. | ||
| I mean, I could have, like, because when I was driving home, I was like, dude, I gotta go. | ||
| Like, I stopped. | ||
| I go, I can't answer your questions. | ||
| And I said, let's, I have to go. | ||
| And I left, and I drove out, and he, like, he let me drive. | ||
| Like... | ||
| You gotta understand, Joey Diaz found his mother dead on the kitchen floor when he was on acid when he was 13. He would let you fly a fucking plane on those things. | ||
| He doesn't give a shit. | ||
| He's just like, you'll figure it out, cocksucker. | ||
| But anyways... | ||
| So when did it hit you? | ||
| Like, you did a podcast, like how deep into it? | ||
| Halfway, probably 15 minutes into it. | ||
| And I couldn't speak. | ||
| I had to stop. | ||
| Like, I couldn't speak, so I had to stop. | ||
| Did he ever release the podcast? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think he did the audio, but not the video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I told him not to do the video because I couldn't answer any questions. | ||
| Yeah, but wouldn't that be funny? | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I would like to see myself that fucked up where I can't even talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mmm. | |
| Yeah, those edibles are fucking terrifying. | ||
| They're goddamn terrifying. | ||
| He was eating them like, they're like, you know, Skittles or some shit. | ||
| He's a different type of human. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of those people now because edibles and marijuana has been legal for so long. | ||
| There's so many medical patients in California that you get these people that have insane tolerances. | ||
| And they're just doing dabs and eating cookies and just like, Jesus! | ||
| They go down a hole. | ||
| You know, the whole marijuana movement and that whole thing is so much different than when I was growing up. | ||
| You know, when I grew up, we used to like, you know, smoke it. | ||
| We'd go to the beach and we'd put a towel over us and we'd hide it. | ||
| Now, like last night, I was at the Funny or Die party and it was the 10th anniversary and I was just walking around. | ||
| It just smells like weed everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's just very normal now. | ||
| I don't know, that's just the way. | ||
| I think it's good because it's just like drinking is normal. | ||
| You walk by the bar or the comedy store, you see a bunch of people having a couple of drinks. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Yeah, it's all good. | ||
| But thanks for having me. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| So how did you, this impression you're doing of this White House character, what's his name again? | ||
| Stephen Miller, yeah. | ||
| First of all, Everyone's doing Sean Spicer. | ||
| They weren't until he got fired or all these different people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, they did. | |
| Oh, is it Scaramucci? | ||
| Yeah, well, that too. | ||
| And Sean Spicer. | ||
| But Melissa McCarthy was doing Sean Spicer. | ||
| Yeah, she killed it. | ||
| Yeah, it's hilarious. | ||
| You know what's funny? | ||
| Trump thought that it made him look weak that a woman was doing an impression to him. | ||
| A woman should go and do an impression of Trump now because of that? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I think that, you know, I did a special, what was it? | ||
| I don't know, like, I think it was like 2012 for a showtime called Politics where I went to D.C. and I did stand-up in D.C. and I interviewed all politicians. | ||
| I love politicians. | ||
| Like, that's all I watch when I come home at night. | ||
| All I watch is CNN, MSN, and Fox. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just because that's it. | ||
| Because I'm in shock. | ||
| And I can't believe it. | ||
| No, I just go back and forth. | ||
| That there's so many fucked up things that are going on in the world. | ||
| The whole North Korea thing is insane. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| Well, what's scary is that Donald Trump is saying shit like fire and fury that the world has never known. | ||
| Like, Jesus, dude. | ||
| Like, this isn't a movie. | ||
| This is real life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, this North Korean guy's fucking nuts. | ||
| He is fucking nuts. | ||
| He's fucking nuts. | ||
| It's like, dude, stop shooting fucking missiles in the fucking... | ||
| This isn't like a playpen thing. | ||
| He just keeps shooting missiles in the ocean all the time like he's like a kid or some shit. | ||
| And he can't... | ||
| It's just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just... | ||
| Well, I think Guam is only like 2,000 miles away from North Korea or something, like real close. | ||
| So they're talking about him possibly bombing Guam. | ||
| And that's what they're saying now. | ||
| Yeah, no, I've been watching it. | ||
| But that would be a death sentence. | ||
| I mean, if we decided to attack North Korea, it would be a death sentence to them. | ||
| And then also I heard, because I know Dennis Rodman. | ||
| You know, I know Dennis Rodman. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Did you talk to him when he went over there? | ||
| Well, I know, I don't want to get too, too into it, but I know that he goes over there a lot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he meets with Kim Jong-un. | ||
| They play basketball or something? | ||
| They just fucking get drunk and, I don't know, they go on jet skis or some shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| He likes Dennis Rodman, so he brings him out. | ||
| But from what I heard is that Kim Jong-un really loves Donald Trump. | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| He loves America, but he's kind of acting like he doesn't love America. | ||
| Like he loves the American way. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So, my point is, is I think, I really think that if Donald Trump went over there to meet with a guy, I think that would appease him and just chill him the fuck out. | ||
| I think. | ||
| That's just my opinion. | ||
| Maybe you should be like a liaison. | ||
| Yeah, see, there you go. | ||
| But he gets, you know, he goes over there and hangs out with him because the Kim Jong-un kid loves... | ||
| He's a big basketball fan, right? | ||
| Yeah, he loves America. | ||
| And that's just kind of like a weird, you know, there's no... | ||
| What's the word? | ||
| There's no... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Communication. | ||
| Communication. | ||
| They're not communicating right, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's language barrier, obviously, but isn't he young? | ||
| Isn't Kim Jong-un, like, in his 30s? | ||
| How old is he? | ||
| Yeah, he's pretty young. | ||
| I mean, imagine running a military dictatorship in your 30s, and he's already murdered a gang of people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And the thing that's so crazy about the whole thing is that, like, you think of ISIS, and you think of that whole, you know, how those people, like... | ||
| They don't care if they're going to die. | ||
| And I think that he's trained his people. | ||
| You see all these on CNN, all these marching soldiers. | ||
| I think those guys are ready to die. | ||
| Well, if you lived in a shithole like North Korea, where every day you're under the oppressive boot of a military dictatorship, maybe you'd be ready to die, too. | ||
| It's either escape to South Korea or die. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think what should happen is I think Trump should hire Dennis Rodman and put a tracking device on him, and they're jet skiing out in fucking the ocean, drinking and shit, and then seal Team Six. | ||
| Comes in and fucking takes Kim Jong-un and flies into America and then gives all the North Korean internet and sets them free. | ||
| No? | ||
| This is like a movie, dude. | ||
| Don't you think? | ||
| You should get together with Stephen Baldwin. | ||
| You guys can do an amazing movie. | ||
| I just think that... | ||
| There's probably a way to chill everything out. | ||
| There probably is a way to chill everything out. | ||
| This is not the way. | ||
| Like launching test missiles and saying fire and fury and all that shit. | ||
| Not cool. | ||
| That's not chilling anything out. | ||
| But, you know, I don't understand what the conflict is about in the first place. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure what everybody's angry about. | ||
| I think because they think that we're going to bomb them. | ||
| But why are we going to bomb them? | ||
| That's what I don't understand. | ||
| Because I think that we did years ago, right? | ||
| Sure, North Korea. | ||
| Well, North Korea. | ||
| No, Hiroshima was Japan. | ||
| Well, the Asians, I think. | ||
| I don't know the details. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a different part of the world, but that's cool. | |
| They'll be super psyched that you conflate the two of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We did horrible things during the Korean War to the North Koreans. | ||
| I mean, that's literally the cause of all of this. | ||
| All the anger. | ||
| But that's when North Korea and South Korea were split and North Korea went communist. | ||
| It's all a byproduct of that. | ||
| You could read about it. | ||
| Actually, there's a really good book called Dear Reader from Michael Malice. | ||
| He's a guy who was on my podcast. | ||
| The history of that part of the world is really fucked up. | ||
| But it's interesting because you have North Korea, and then below you have South Korea. | ||
| South Korea, you have a thriving economy, amazing electronics, Samsung, they make all kinds of great shit over there. | ||
| Nice spas, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, a lot of plastic surgery. | |
| And then North Korea's just right next door to them. | ||
| Terrible dictatorship. | ||
| It's fucked up, man. | ||
| Well, no president has been able to deal with it. | ||
| No. | ||
| And probably won't be able to. | ||
| I mean, how do you resolve that? | ||
| One of the things that Malice was telling me that makes it so fucked up is that everybody has to rat on everybody else. | ||
| Like, say if you and I were working together, we would have to go somewhere and tell someone what each one of us did wrong. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Maybe you didn't cry hard enough when somebody died, or maybe you weren't excited enough when something good happened, you didn't cheer loud enough, and they'll rat you out for that, and then you have to be accountable. | ||
| They have a culture of rats. | ||
| Everybody's ratting everybody out. | ||
| Sounds fun. | ||
| We don't realize how lucky we are, you know, to live in America. | ||
| Dude, it's one of the reasons why people complain so much about stuff. | ||
| It's because we're so soft. | ||
| Any slight little thing that's wrong. | ||
| Have you ever been to prison before? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never? | ||
| Well, I went to Alcatraz, but just to visit. | ||
| Visit, yeah. | ||
| Never been arrested. | ||
| Because I always think, like... | ||
| Spending time in prison would make you appreciate just the simple things. | ||
| Because you always see people that are incarcerated and they get out and they see the sunlight and they're like, oh my god, this is fucking awesome. | ||
| And part of me is I think everyone should maybe go to prison for a month. | ||
| Just to kind of... | ||
| Get their normal freedoms taken away from them. | ||
| I'm actually doing a benefit, and I was going to ask you if you want to do it. | ||
| I don't know if you're in town at the Comedy Store for the Innocence Project. | ||
| Are you familiar with them? | ||
| Yeah, I am. | ||
| Yeah, so I'm doing it on August 27th. | ||
| These DNA to release people that are incarcerated, that are innocent? | ||
| Yeah, so if you want to do it, everyone's doing it already. | ||
| It's August 27th, and it's for Barry Sheck and that whole team of people that... | ||
| That exonerate, you know, people that go to prison for crimes they didn't commit. | ||
| You know that whole thing, right? | ||
| Yeah, well, I'm flying in from D.C. Oh, that's on Sunday. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I can do that. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be great. | ||
| Yeah, I'll do it. | ||
| Yeah, that'd be great. | ||
| I got a great lineup. | ||
| Everyone's on it already, but I was going to ask you. | ||
| I'm sure you'd be into that. | ||
| Yeah, I'm in. | ||
| I'm in D.C. the night before. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| I'm flying in. | ||
| But yeah, so I want to raise money for them. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good move. | ||
| Because I want to give money back to these guys. | ||
| Because when they get out of jail, they don't have anything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they're not given anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| They're given like a dollar. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I know, and then they have to somehow or another figure out how to sue to get some compensation for the fact they were wrongly imprisoned. | ||
| How would you like to be in prison for 20 years knowing you had nothing to do with it? | ||
| And there's people that are in prison for killing their mom and stuff like that. | ||
| Imagine someone kills your mom, it's not you, and then you get arrested and go to jail for it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not cool, bro, but the fruit person at the end of the bar is pretty cool. | ||
| You gonna eat here? | ||
| Just out of a small thing of fruit. | ||
| Okay, you're okay? | ||
| Did you see... | ||
| Your blood sugar's so low, you're like, I can't wait 15 minutes. | ||
| No, but did you see the fruit man at the corner? | ||
| No, I did not. | ||
| There's a fruit man? | ||
| There's like a little Mexican fruit guy who chops up the fruit. | ||
| Don't tell ICE. Sorry, yeah. | ||
| He'll pull that guy across the border. | ||
| Bring him back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, how did you, what was the thought process behind doing an impression of this dude? | ||
| It's become viral. | ||
| It's over a million hits now, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's like at a million seven. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Around that, yeah. | ||
| And it's caught on. | ||
| It's just, I don't know. | ||
| You've been doing this. | ||
| You've been doing this a long time. | ||
| Who did the makeup for you? | ||
| How'd they do up your hair? | ||
| Funny or die, yeah. | ||
| Um, you know the business. | ||
| Statue of Liberty facts. | ||
| Yeah, you just do these things and certain things catch on, certain things don't catch on, and this thing caught on, so I don't know. | ||
| I was pretty stoked. | ||
| Is that him back in the day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's him now. | |
| That's him now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He doesn't look like that now, though. | ||
| He's way more bald than that, no? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's, um... | ||
| Um, but yeah, no, it was cool. | ||
| It was, uh... | ||
| I've done stuff with them before. | ||
| I actually did an Anthony Weiner sketch, too. | ||
| I don't know if you saw that one. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty cool. | ||
| I did that. | ||
| I played Anthony Weiner. | ||
| I did that about four or five, six months ago. | ||
| And then this thing came up. | ||
| They just hit me up. | ||
| And then, you know, I do stuff for Funny or Die sometimes. | ||
| And this thing caught on and it went everywhere. | ||
| And I was on CNN and, you know, even political... | ||
| Political sites picked it up the hill and all these different places picked it up, so I don't know. | ||
| I just did it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You just do shit and you don't know what the fuck. | ||
| The Wiener thing is funny. | ||
| I saw the Wiener thing too. | ||
| I think Wiener's a comic. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| I think he's a comic. | ||
| He just doesn't know it. | ||
| I mean, he's still committed to being the... | ||
| I mean, he tried to be the mayor and he can't... | ||
| If it wasn't for the latest scandal, he would have come close. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And did you see his documentary? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Great. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so good. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's so fucked up. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| So you see, I'm lasting okay. | ||
| So you didn't give me any edibles. | ||
| I'm not going to give you any edibles. | ||
| At this point in the Joe Diaz, I was like, dude, I got to go. | ||
| He kept asking me questions. | ||
| I couldn't answer anything. | ||
| No, I wasn't going to do that to you. | ||
| Imagine if everybody that I know did that to you. | ||
| Every time Segura did it to you, I did it to you, Red Band does it to you. | ||
| But I've heard everyone kind of can't handle it. | ||
| Most people. | ||
| Well, the numbers that Joey puts up, no. | ||
| Very few humans can handle it. | ||
| But don't you think, like, back to Anthony Weiner, I think that guy should have been a comic. | ||
| Like, he's got this idea about what's good and what's bad, but he's also a pervert. | ||
| And I'm like, the guy's a comic. | ||
| He's a great speaker. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He obviously loves pussy. | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| He loves pussy. | ||
| I mean, he's a fucking character. | ||
| I mean, I just think that he's trapped in that suppressed world of being a politician where he obviously doesn't fit those standards. | ||
| There's those standards of behavior that they demand of you that are all bullshit anyway, but he's too fucked up. | ||
| He's too crazy. | ||
| I think the more fucked up things that people find out about the politicians, the more popular they become. | ||
| Some of them. | ||
| I mean, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If he could be clean about it, if he could come clean about all of it. | ||
| But still, in the day of Trump, things are way different, right? | ||
| Because Trump got elected a month after that grab-them-by-the-pussy thing came out. | ||
| Everybody thought that was going to sink his boat. | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| And he still wins. | ||
| So I think the world is different, but I don't think Wiener has the constitution that Trump has. | ||
| Trump, say what you want about him, but the motherfucker has Teflon for skin. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Things just bounce right off him. | ||
| He doesn't give a shit. | ||
| He's just like... | ||
| Yeah, insane. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I know him from back in the day. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, you have to understand, I've been doing this. | ||
| How long have you been doing it? | ||
| 30 years? | ||
| 29. Yeah, so I've been doing it 30 years. | ||
| When did you come to this store? | ||
| What year? | ||
| 94. 94. Yeah, so you were there, is that when you came to the store? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 94? | ||
| 94, I became a paid regular. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, so I was doing Spring Break for MTV. When was it? | ||
| It was like 89, 90, 91, 92. And it was, you know, obviously the biggest thing in the world because it was live and there was hundreds of thousands of kids. | ||
| Oh yeah, it was giant. | ||
| I did Spring Break in 2000 for MTV. Okay. | ||
| Right when it was sort of like on the way out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And we did it, and it was Hawaiian Tropics were the biggest thing in the world, all the girls. | ||
| And Fabio was there. | ||
| And John Lovitz was there. | ||
| Vince Neil was there. | ||
| Kennison was there. | ||
| Rodney Dangerfield was there. | ||
| And Donald Trump was there. | ||
| Because Donald Trump used to go to the Hawaiian Tropic parties that Ron Rice used to throw after the spring break things. | ||
| And Donald Trump was... | ||
| I knew him back then. | ||
| And then I saw him probably about a couple times at the Playboy Mansion. | ||
| The last time I saw him at the Playboy Mansion, I think, was about four years ago. | ||
| And he was just there. | ||
| Just hanging. | ||
| Just hanging like Bill Maher, you know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like Bill Maher. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just fucking hanging. | ||
| It was actually in the afternoon, and I think it was like a Sunday Funday thing, or it was like some Easter egg night day or some shit, and he was just buzzing around in his suit and just talking to girls. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, him and OJ, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| OJ. OJ will be out, too. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Isn't that bizarre? | ||
| So what is Donald Trump like when you're hanging around with him? | ||
| He just likes vagina. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He just likes us. | ||
| Look at those babes. | ||
| That's why anyone would go to the Playboy mansions, because they like vagina. | ||
| And we were lucky to get into the Playboy mansion. | ||
| We were very fortunate. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| To get in there. | ||
| And I was actually talking to Kellyanne Conway about right before Trump got elected on email. | ||
| And I was supposed to have dinner with her and some of her friends, but I had to go do some shows in West Palm at the improv, so I had to cancel out. | ||
| Who were you going to talk to Kellyanne Conway about? | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Just to be there. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| It would have been hilarious. | ||
| I wanted to, you know what I mean? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But she was cool. | ||
| I have her email. | ||
| I have her information and stuff. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You should get her on your show. | ||
| Well, you'd put her on your show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| I would definitely talk to her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does it feel weird, though, to be connected to them now? | ||
| Once they're actually in. | ||
| Yeah, once they got in and I started to see all that stuff that was going on, I kind of backed off and I was like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't want to really be, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I wanted to be the vagina coordinator for him. | ||
| You want to be the guy that hooks it up? | ||
| Yeah, that gets him the vagina. | ||
| You can't be public about that. | ||
| You can't talk about it. | ||
| So if you talk about it, you're going to fuck it up for him. | ||
| Oh, that's true. | ||
| Right now, you're fucking it up for him. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| This is just a bit, folks. | ||
| Yeah, we're just playing. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| Paul is just playing. | ||
| But how great would that be? | ||
| The idea is that he's got the Trump plane. | ||
| You know, the Trump plane, it's sitting there. | ||
| Where's it sitting? | ||
| Somewhere. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Where is that plane? | ||
| It's got to be sitting in a tarmac somewhere. | ||
| So I want him to let me borrow it so I can pick up vagina for him in the Midwest. | ||
| The Midwest is the move? | ||
| Well, yeah, the people that voted for him. | ||
| Oh, they're happy for him. | ||
| Yeah, the flyover states. | ||
| Bring some, you know, one-tooth wonders. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Bring him to the... | ||
| Because, dude, he hasn't gotten anything. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| He's been, like, cut off from strange. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Do you think so? | ||
| 100%. | ||
| There's, like, a basement that they have in the White House. | ||
| There is no way he's getting vagina. | ||
| So none of them do? | ||
| Do you think none of the presidents, like with modern presidents, like I guess like Bush on, right? | ||
| Bush, Obama, now Trump. | ||
| There's no way they can, right? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Clinton kind of fucked it up for everybody. | ||
| He fucked it up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Linda Tripp? | ||
| Was that the lady who ratted that Monica Lewinsky girl out? | ||
| That poor girl? | ||
| I feel more bad for her than anybody. | ||
| Like, she did some article about her where she said, the shame sticks to you like tar. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| I was like, can you imagine? | ||
| Poor girl's 20 years old. | ||
| I would just own it at this point. | ||
| I guess she's got it, right? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But... | ||
| So what is Trump like, though? | ||
| Is he a good guy to talk to? | ||
| Like, what is he like? | ||
| Obviously, he didn't even want to run for president back then. | ||
| I think he'd been wanting to... | ||
| If you look at clips now, you see a lot of clips where they interview him and now you find clips in the 90s where they always say... | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| The guy from... | ||
| I forgot that one show on MSN, but... | ||
| Tim something, I don't know, he died, but he said, well, if you were president, da-da-da-da. | ||
| Oh, yeah, Meet the Press. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| Actually, I was watching that today, where he was talking about North Korea. | ||
| There was a whole clip where he's talking about North Korea from 1999. I never really engaged in heavy conversation with him. | ||
| It was always kind of just, you know, we smiled at each other. | ||
| It was just that, you know, so I never went out to dinner with him or anything. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I was supposed to do Celebrity Apprentice. | ||
| They asked me to do Celebrity Apprentice when I had the second iteration of Fear Factor, when Fear Factor came back in like, what is it, 2011 or 12 or whatever it was. | ||
| I just was like, I don't want to do it. | ||
| I don't want to be in New York for three months. | ||
| I don't want to work on this show. | ||
| It just seems kind of gross. | ||
| And now that I think about it, I'm like, it's probably a good move. | ||
| Because what if I did it and I got in an argument with him? | ||
| What if he hated me? | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| And now I have this fucking feud like Rosie does. | ||
| Because Rosie O'Donnell, it seems like it consumes her. | ||
| Like, her fucking Twitter feed. | ||
| Is it still? | ||
| Oh my god, it's all about Trump. | ||
| She's always tweeting about Trump being a piece of shit and a loser, and he tweets about her. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| They're grown people. | ||
| Yeah, there's more right there. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh, Donald. | ||
| Looking bad, honey. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Take time to take care of you. | ||
| It's only Wednesday. | ||
| Golf, sweetie. | ||
| Golf. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| But how can she say anything about anybody looking bad? | ||
| That's what's even more dumb. | ||
| Wow, there she is. | ||
| I mean, she's crazy. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just like feuds like that, they're not healthy. | ||
| They consume you. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Not good. | ||
| Not good at all. | ||
| So are you going to continue doing this dude? | ||
| What's his name again? | ||
| Stephen Miller. | ||
| I guess if he keeps messing up and they want me to do it. | ||
| Yeah, you could do a whole bunch of things with him, right? | ||
| Him explaining things to different people. | ||
| I think it's more if he messes up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think it's more if he goes on the... | ||
| You know, I just want him to get back on that press stage, because once he's on there, then they start... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's when he becomes... | ||
| You know what's weird is when George Bush was president, I was doing some shows in D.C., and me and Dean Gelber, we went to the White House, and we actually went into that room, the press room, and it's actually fucking small. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty little. | ||
| Have you been in it? | ||
| No, but I've seen it on TV when they show it from the back of the room. | ||
| Yeah, but it's almost this big. | ||
| It's pretty small. | ||
| I was like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Expected to be grand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But the White House, have you been to the White House before? | ||
| No. | ||
| Just the tourists walk through? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's fucking weird. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| You know what's weird is how close it is to the street. | ||
| I was by it. | ||
| I drove by it, but that was back when people had, like, muskets, you know? | ||
| Like, they really, you couldn't, when they built that stupid fucking thing, they didn't give themselves enough space. | ||
| Like, if somebody just pulled up with a high-powered rifle, it's right there. | ||
| It's just weird that people, like, you watch House of Cards? | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| But it's weird because they're engaging in all sorts of illicit activity, and there's windows everywhere. | ||
| It's probably unrealistic, but... | ||
| But, um... | ||
| How many people have lived in that fucking house? | ||
| That's what's even weirder, you know? | ||
| 45 different presidents all living in this one spot. | ||
| I know, it's crazy. | ||
| I mean, they have to be saying that shit to each other. | ||
| I mean, Bill Clinton or Trump's got to be saying... | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Look how close that is. | ||
| Trump's got to be saying, like, this is the place that Bill Clinton got blown. | ||
| This is the area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look how close it is. | ||
| Look on the left side and the right side. | ||
| Look how close it is to the street. | ||
| I guarantee you I could hit that with an arrow. | ||
| You're going to D.C., right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you've been there. | ||
| August 26th. | ||
| Do you like D.C.? I like working there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because they feel like they need to blow some steam off. | ||
| Like, they're kind of wild. | ||
| They're kind of fun. | ||
| Hey, as far as your stand-up and stuff, like, you know, obviously, you know, we're peers, you know, and I see you and watch you and stuff like that. | ||
| At what point... | ||
| Did your stuff, like, just really start to blow up? | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, really go from clubs? | ||
| Because you were working clubs like I'm working clubs, and then all of a sudden now you're working, like, bigger places. | ||
| Like, at what point? | ||
| Was it about five years ago? | ||
| Four years ago? | ||
| Was it the Netflix specials? | ||
| Well, longer than that ago, I did theaters in some places, but it's probably my... | ||
| It all started changing in 2009. That's when I did a Comedy Central special. | ||
| Spike TV first and then they aired on Spike TV and then Comedy Central. | ||
| I started doing bigger places. | ||
| Then I started selling out theaters of like 2,000 seats in some markets. | ||
| But, you know, it would take me like a few months. | ||
| And then there was the next Comedy Central special. | ||
| That was another big bump. | ||
| And then I was selling out places like the Belco in Denver, which is like $5,000. | ||
| But it would take a little longer to sell out. | ||
| But now, with the Netflix special, it changed everything. | ||
| Netflix is just a completely different thing. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So many people have Netflix, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And if you work on it on a special, you know, and you really put together something good, they can say, oh, you know, this guy, he actually is a real comic. | ||
| He really actually is funny. | ||
| You know, and then they want to come see you, and then it's your responsibility to not fuck them. | ||
| Yeah, do a good job. | ||
| And keep writing new shit. | ||
| Constantly keep producing new shit. | ||
| Right, but what does it feel like to be out of the clubs? | ||
| I still do clubs, though. | ||
| No, I know that. | ||
| I did Wise Guys and Salt Lake. | ||
| I get it, but you're playing bigger things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What does that feel like to you? | ||
| Is it dope? | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I mean, it's fun and everything. | ||
| It's a different kind of show, though. | ||
| It's like there's more pausing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's more theatrical. | ||
| It's a bigger stage, moving around more. | ||
| There's really good to it. | ||
| But I wouldn't say it's better. | ||
| It's just different. | ||
| It's better financially, but it's just different. | ||
| But it must make you feel good. | ||
| Yeah, it feels good. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Because I've played big places and I've also played clubs, but now I'm mostly playing. | ||
| I play clubs, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, you know, play all the same clubs. | ||
| Yeah, I like playing clubs, though. | ||
| Clubs, it's like you're connected to the people. | ||
| It's intimate, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How often are you touring? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I kind of go in spurts. | ||
| You know, I'm working a lot. | ||
| I mean, I don't work a lot at the store during the week because I'm so exhausted from editing. | ||
| And I edit and edit all day long. | ||
| What are you editing? | ||
| I'm editing... | ||
| Well, I finished the show on Crackle. | ||
| That took a long time. | ||
| That's your interview show. | ||
| Yeah, that's on Now. | ||
| That's on Crackle. | ||
| And I was editing that. | ||
| And I spent a lot of time on those videos. | ||
| And then from there, I did the documentary, Polyshore Stands Alone, which was on Showtime, and now it's on Amazon. | ||
| That's just a straight doc that came out a couple years ago. | ||
| I had such a good time filming that, that I kept shooting. | ||
| And the whole thing is about me moving my mom out of the house. | ||
| You know, out of the big house. | ||
| Because when I did the original doc, it was just kind of like... | ||
| Kind of skimming the concept of that, and then I go, fuck, I gotta start doing that. | ||
| So I cut into... | ||
| It's a six-part series, almost like my version of Making the Murder, but I don't kill anyone, obviously. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it's a six-part kind of series based off the original doc. | ||
| So we've been putting that together, and that's fucking dope, dude. | ||
| People might not know, so I think we probably should say... | ||
| It's fucking dope. | ||
| Your mom's probably one of the most important, if not the most important, characters ever in the history of stand-up comedy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, her running and owning the Comedy Store in the glory days of Kenison and Pryor and now today even, you know, like, she set the stage. | ||
| You know, I mean, out of all the people that helped me and, like, were important to me in my career, your mom was pretty uniquely significant. | ||
| You know, she... | ||
|
unidentified
|
She just... | |
| Yeah, she created, you know, my dad and mom started the place in 72. You know, I was four. | ||
| And then... | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah, and then they got divorced. | ||
| She won the comedy store in the divorce. | ||
| He says he gave it to her. | ||
| You know, there's still like a friction there with that concept. | ||
| I wasn't, you know, I don't remember. | ||
| I was a fucking four years old. | ||
| And then my mom became who she really was. | ||
| You know, you're a comic, I'm a comic. | ||
| That's who we are. | ||
| She became a creative kind of force. | ||
| And she came into the limelight at a time where everyone needed someone like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, instead of just like a club owner, you know, she was creative. | ||
| You know, that's why I think part of the reason why she's sick now is because she's not, she was never like a real business business person. | ||
| You know, she's, she was a woman. | ||
| So it was really hard. | ||
| So, but she was so good at fucking like Roseanne wear suspenders. | ||
| You know, Gary Shanley, put a sweater on. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just different things that she would help develop. | ||
| And that, to me, is what the store is missing now. | ||
| Do you understand? | ||
| Like, there's no Mitzi Shore there to really garnish these comments. | ||
| I love Adam to death. | ||
| He's fucking doing an awesome job. | ||
| He is. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| But it's not Mitzi Shore. | ||
| And that, to me, is something that I think we have to do. | ||
| I think it's our responsibility, you know, to kind of give back to the younger guys and maybe spend a little more time there on a Monday night or something and really kind of help these kids out and give them some direction. | ||
| Because there is no direction. | ||
| There's no Mitzi Shore there. | ||
| So that's who she... | ||
| That's who she was. | ||
| That's who she is. | ||
| And that, to me, is what her best quality was. | ||
| When she first met my dad, it was in the 50s. | ||
| And my dad was touring comic. | ||
| And my dad did a show or a summer in a place called Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin. | ||
| And he was doing it all summer. | ||
| It's like, that's what you did in the 50s. | ||
| You'd play there the whole... | ||
| It was a camp. | ||
| And my mom worked... | ||
| For the boss of the camp. | ||
| And my mom used to type my dad's jokes in the back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, she would type the jokes in the back. | ||
| Oh, this is good. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| You know, and she would write it down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then she would say, this stunk. | ||
| This was good. | ||
| That was good. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| And then she just helped develop my dad's act. | ||
| They started dating. | ||
| They had sex. | ||
| And then my dad took off. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And then he was in Toledo, Ohio, and then got a call from my mom saying I'm pregnant with Scott. | ||
| And Scott just turned 64, 65 years old. | ||
| So back then, you have a kid, whether you want to or you don't. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The abortion thing didn't really exist. | ||
| I mean, it did, I'm sure, but... | ||
| He never wanted a kid, and he never wanted to get married, and he never wanted all of his kids. | ||
| He didn't want us. | ||
| He just wanted to do what I do, which was just bang, vagina, go on the road, have a good time. | ||
| You know, which was my M.O. when I first started, you know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that got taken from him. | ||
| So, in his day, did you ever talk to him about what it was like to tour back then? | ||
| Because it wasn't really comedy clubs back then, right? | ||
| No, it was more like strip clubs. | ||
| Strip clubs, bars, bowling alleys. | ||
| You know, places that I play now. | ||
| But it had to be a real trip to go from that to being a part of the original comedy club. | ||
| I mean, other than, like, the Ice House right now is the oldest comedy club in the country. | ||
| But, because that's because it started in, like, 1960. But the store, was it 72? | ||
| Is that what you said it started? | ||
| 72, yeah. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Really stop and think about that, how long ago that was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Before that, there wasn't really... | ||
| Well, the improv was actually... | ||
| Yeah, the improv in New York. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was Catch a Rising Star in New York. | ||
| When was that? | ||
| It was sort of around that time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it was a new thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, your mom and your dad... | ||
| Well, my dad... | ||
| The way it happened was Frank Sennis, who owns the building, who owned the building, said to my dad and his friend Rudy DeLuca, said, Hey, Sammy, you want to start a comedy room? | ||
| Because he owned the building where Ciros is and that whole building there, the room right there, the original room actually, which was what it was originally. | ||
| And my dad said, okay. | ||
| And then Rudy, my dad's writing partner, Rudy DeLuca, said, well, what do we call it? | ||
| You know, let's do it. | ||
| And then my dad was like, let's call it the Sammy Shore Room. | ||
| Right? | ||
| And then Rudy's like, that's fucking stupid. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| We're not going to do that. | ||
| And then they asked my mom, and my mom's the one that said, let's call it the Comedy Store. | ||
| So she's the one who came up with the name. | ||
| So they started the Comedy Store. | ||
| My dad was like the alcoholic MC. He was partying. | ||
| He was a fucking alcoholic, dude, big time. | ||
| Like, he loved J&B. It was his favorite drink. | ||
| And he would go on stage, and he'd bring up Red Fox, Pat McCormick, you know, Murray Langston, you know, all these older guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And my mom would work the cover booth, you know, where Tommy used to work, in that little area right there. | ||
| And she used to give out, like... | ||
| Like little peppermints and stuff, you know, to the guests that would come in. | ||
| And then my dad would go on the road and open for Elvis and open for Engelbert Humperdinck and Sammy Davis and Sinatra and all these people. | ||
| And my mom slowly started to take over the club while he was gone. | ||
| Like her heart, you know what I mean? | ||
| She put her heart into the club. | ||
| And that's kind of where it started. | ||
| And they were never happy to begin with. | ||
| They were never happy. | ||
| So it was time for the divorce, and then my dad just gave her the club, gave her the house, and took off. | ||
| So he just wanted to be back on the road. | ||
| Yeah, but to this day, he's fucking pissed about it, because he never got a piece of the Comedy Store. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He never got a piece of the Comedy Store, and I think that's terrible. | ||
| Because he's the one that fucking started it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If it wasn't for him, there would be no Comedy Store. | ||
| If he never had sex with my mom in Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin, there would never be no Comedy Store. | ||
| Period. | ||
| That's deep. | ||
| Period. | ||
| That's deep. | ||
| So that's why my dad needs to get more, in my opinion, needs to get more credit. | ||
| He never gets any credit. | ||
| It's always about her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I never met him. | ||
| I never met your dad. | ||
| He's the fucking man. | ||
| He's the man. | ||
| I believe you. | ||
| He's fucking awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 90 years old. | ||
| When you were growing up, did Kennison really babysit you? | ||
| Did that ever really happen? | ||
| Because that was always like... | ||
| I'll tell you who the babysitters were. | ||
| Kennison never babysat me. | ||
| The babysitters were like Lois Bromfield, Jack Perdue, Mike Binder, Argus Hamilton, Mitchell Walters, Alan Stevens. | ||
| Mike Binder from Bazaar? | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, Mike Binder was fucking awesome, dude. | ||
| He was awesome. | ||
| They used to take me to Little League, you know? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| At the Beverly Hills Park, yeah. | ||
| But Mike Binder... | ||
| Mike Binder is fucking, he was like the, him and Alan Bursky were like the youngest guys that came on the scene, but Mike Binder, he used to take me to skate parks and all that shit, because my mom was busy at the club, so she always gave me the comedians. | ||
| As far as Kennison, I was a short order cook at the Comedy Store in Westwood. | ||
| I used to cook for everyone. | ||
| There's 200 people there because I was a good cook because my parents divorced. | ||
| There's like a menu in my mom's office, Polly's menu. | ||
| Nachos, hamburgers, everything. | ||
| I would cook really good. | ||
| And that's where I first met Sam. | ||
| I was 14. Wow. | ||
| Because he was like the doorman there. | ||
| You were working there as a cook at 14? | ||
| Yeah, because I wanted to save up for a saltwater fish tank. | ||
| Because my mom wouldn't buy me a saltwater fish tank. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I wanted to get a hundred gallon saltwater fish tank. | ||
| See, when I came around in 94, I don't think the Westwood Club was around. | ||
| No. | ||
| When did it die? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it closed, I think, 84. Oh, wow. | |
| Yeah, that's too bad. | ||
| I heard that place was wild. | ||
| It was like the Bastard Club. | ||
| It was like where everyone, you know, like, you know, I mean Arsenio, Paul Rodriguez, Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
| They would like go there and it was like off the beaten path and they would work out there. | ||
| And then like the Howie Mandels would be in the main room at the store and all that stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Howie Mandel, even back then. | ||
| Isn't that crazy? | ||
| Oh, he was fucking awesome. | ||
| He was huge back then. | ||
| Yeah, huge. | ||
| It's weird, you know, seeing him on all these game shows and stuff like that. | ||
| He went up on a comedy store the other night, and I heard someone say, he does comedy? | ||
| And I was like, wow, that's so weird. | ||
| Like, people, they don't even think about it. | ||
| You see him on television as a host of a game show, you kind of forget that he was this huge stand-up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge. | |
| Before I ever even did it. | ||
| Yeah, huge. | ||
| He used to do the gloves. | ||
| Yeah, he'd put a glove over his head and blow it up with his nose. | ||
| He'd play that little kid, Bobby. | ||
| Oh yeah, Bobby was great. | ||
| He actually did a cartoon. | ||
| Remember Bobby's World, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know it's a weird, like, I was at the Funny or Die thing last night, and I was with Will Ferrell, not to drop names, but I'm a huge fan of him, and he owns the site, and we were talking, and he just gave it up to me. | ||
| He's like, dude, you started it all. | ||
| And he goes, I used to watch you on MTV, and Encino Man, this generation doesn't know what I did, most of the kids, the 25 and younger. | ||
| They don't know that I started MTV, they don't know all the films, they think Sandler, they think all these other guys, but they don't know that I was the first. | ||
| I was, you know, at the time, because MTV was so big. | ||
| Yeah, you were the first celebrity. | ||
| You and, like, Dennis Leary. | ||
| Like, Dennis Leary became a big celebrity off MTV, too. | ||
| Yeah, he started in some movies, but I was starting in a lot of movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I was doing albums, albums, all that stuff. | ||
| And I was in my 20s, and I was having an awesome time. | ||
| That had to be weird. | ||
| It was awesome. | ||
| But growing up, like, in the store, like, from the time you were as old as you could remember, being a part of the comedy store, and then all of a sudden being 20 and being famous. | ||
| Yeah, on MTV. It was the best. | ||
| When MTV was gigantic. | ||
| Yeah, look at it. | ||
| I had my own billboard. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| It was sick. | ||
| How weird was that? | ||
| I was a kid. | ||
| And look, I had sold out all the shows at the Roxy. | ||
| You know, I had an album, and I was doing all of it at once. | ||
| Was it weird? | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| It was so much fun. | ||
| That's why now when I look back on my films, I get kind of sad. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because that time of my life was my happiest time. | ||
| But why does it make you sad? | ||
| Because it was really amazing. | ||
| And now life is still good, but it's not like it was. | ||
| So what changed? | ||
| Well, I think for a lot of people in their 20s, at least my opinion, when you're in your 20s, if you fuck up, it doesn't really matter. | ||
| And life is like one big whatever. | ||
| And that's kind of what I miss. | ||
| Now when you get older, things are like... | ||
| You know mom's sick or this or you know there's all these things life things you know or like yeah I'm gonna be 50 next year you know what I mean just like things like when you're younger dude I used to have like me and my friends we used to go to the beach and smoke pot you know we used to go to the Roxy we used to go to the rainbow it was like why can't you still do that because I don't feel like it well then why does it make you sad that you don't feel like doing those things what do you feel like doing Going to the Korean bathhouse and watching the news and chilling and drinking juice. | ||
| Well, then do that. | ||
| That's what I do. | ||
| So why is that sad? | ||
| That's what's confusing. | ||
| I wouldn't say it's sad. | ||
| No, watching the movies make me sad because I miss starring in films. | ||
| So what happened? | ||
| Why did that dry up? | ||
| I think... | ||
| It's several reasons. | ||
| You know, number one, I was so big. | ||
| And I think the bigger you are and the faster you make it, the harder you fall. | ||
| I think that's just like normal. | ||
| Because it was like you can only, you know what I mean? | ||
| That was one thing. | ||
| And also, I think the whole weasel thing was like, it was cool for a while. | ||
| And then like after a while, it's not cool. | ||
| Just like a lot of things. | ||
| And I also think I didn't listen to my agents and managers. | ||
| They told me not to do in the Army now. | ||
| That was a good movie! | ||
| No, I know, but here's the story behind it. | ||
| What happened was I had a three-album deal at Disney. | ||
| I had Encino Man's son-in-law. | ||
| These big hits for me did really well. | ||
| And then it came time to do my third movie, and it was in the Army now. | ||
| and agents were like, we don't know, you know, you have to cut all your hair off and all that shit. | ||
| And the script's kind of like, okay. | ||
| And New Line approached us with this other film called Totally London, which is me being an au pair in London, which I thought was actually a really funny idea. | ||
| And Jeffrey Katzenberg, who used to run Disney, wouldn't let me do that movie at New Line, you know, being an au pair in London. | ||
| So he bought the script and shelved it. | ||
| So I did In the Army Now. | ||
| In the Army Now didn't do as good as the other films. | ||
| And then after that, Disney didn't sign me enough to do more movies. | ||
| And then after that, I did Jury Duty. | ||
| And Jury Duty didn't do so good. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Financially. | ||
| So it was when the movie started to draw, maybe poor choices? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Like not listening to my agents and managers and stuff at the time. | ||
| But I didn't come at it like, fuck you. | ||
| I came at it like, I want to work. | ||
| I love acting. | ||
| I love going to the set. | ||
| That's another thing. | ||
| I did an Adam Sandler film, I don't know, the last one he did, Sandy Wexler. | ||
| And you go up on the set, and Adam's starring in this film, and I'm not. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And I used to star in films, and it's a weird feeling for me. | ||
| Like, I'm happy to be on the set, and I love Adam, and he's an old, dear friend, and I'm super happy for him. | ||
| But I was starring in films. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| And everywhere I go, people say, why aren't you starring in films? | ||
| Like, what's up? | ||
| And I can't answer it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Poor choices. | ||
| The weasel shit dried up. | ||
| The movies didn't perform as well. | ||
| I didn't listen to my agents. | ||
| I wasn't doing drugs. | ||
| It wasn't like I got all fucked up. | ||
| It's just one movie didn't do so good, then the next movie didn't do so good, and then they eventually just stopped coming. | ||
| Because you think about it like it's a business. | ||
| Yeah, Biodome didn't do as good as Jury Duty. | ||
| Even though now, like, it's a big hit. | ||
| It's a cult hit for me. | ||
| But at the time, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I got a sitcom on Fox, and that didn't go. | ||
| So things were like... | ||
| And then I was also turning 30, and my 30th birthday was very emotional for me. | ||
| I cried a lot on my 30th birthday. | ||
| Because I was going from, like, a boy to a man, and I didn't know how to do it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I was just like, I didn't know. | ||
| I didn't know how to deal. | ||
| My 40th birthday was awesome. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| I was happy, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My 50th birthday, I'll probably cry again. | ||
| It's an every 20 year thing. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So I miss starring in films, you know? | ||
| I miss it. | ||
| I miss it. | ||
| I love acting. | ||
| That's my first love, I think, you know? | ||
| I mean, you were on fucking TV. I didn't really like acting. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's okay. | ||
| Because you were great on that show. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I loved that show. | ||
| I loved working with those people, but I've done some other acting and was like, it's okay. | ||
| It's not my thing. | ||
| Like, stand-up comedy to me is more fun. | ||
| And then hosting. | ||
| You love hosting. | ||
| I don't... | ||
| I mean, I like doing the UFC. Working for the UFC and doing stand-up comedy and doing commentary for the UFC. Those things are fun. | ||
| Doing this is fun. | ||
| But acting to me was like long hours waiting around. | ||
| And then also, a lot of actors are cool. | ||
| But there's like 10% that are just fake. | ||
| They're just weird sociopaths. | ||
| They care about themselves. | ||
| They're complete narcissists. | ||
| They don't have... | ||
| I just can't connect with them, you know? | ||
| So there was a lot of that. | ||
| Because I think you're a good actor, and I think that if you maybe developed a show or a film, you know, for you, you know, I think would be awesome. | ||
| That sounds like torture. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're saying that. | ||
| I'm like, ugh. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Stuck on a set. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you just don't enjoy acting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| One of the things that was appealing about Fear Factor was no actors. | ||
| And so I was like, oh, I don't have to act, but I can still be on TV and make some money. | ||
| Okay, let's do it. | ||
| And I felt like it was going to get cancelled. | ||
| I was like, this is just to be some horrible disaster. | ||
| And then I'll go have some jokes about it. | ||
| And I'm like, I'll definitely get at least 10 minutes of material out of this fucking show. | ||
| Huge hit. | ||
| Huge hit. | ||
| Yeah, I wound up doing 154 episodes or something fucking crazy. | ||
| You get something. | ||
| You don't get the same residuals that you would get for a sitcom, though. | ||
| But is it called, what's it called when there's over 100 episodes? | ||
| Syndication. | ||
| Syndication. | ||
| Yes, it's in syndication. | ||
| You got syndication money? | ||
| Well, syndication money is not what everybody thinks it is. | ||
| Syndication money, like news radio went into syndication. | ||
| So I got syndication money from that. | ||
| But it's not like Jerry Seinfeld's syndication money. | ||
| See, he owns a piece of the show. | ||
| Then you get the real money. | ||
| But you get, I mean, you can't complain. | ||
| It's a lot of money. | ||
| My friend Peter Lenkoff, he owns Hawaii Five-0. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Which is on CBS. The original one? | ||
| No, this one that's on right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The new one. | |
| But he went over 100 episodes. | ||
| That's the big payday. | ||
| So he's got like a fucking $7 million house in Malibu. | ||
| It's like, oh my God. | ||
| Having a big old party. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I would imagine as soon as it goes over 100, you just go, yes! | ||
| Oh my God, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, Kevin James, a buddy of mine, King of Queens went over 100. Oh, wow. | ||
| And when it goes over 100, as long as you don't fuck up, you're pretty much set. | ||
| As long as you don't go crazy, you don't start doing meth and buying yachts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so maybe stuff like this will bring you back to films, you know? | ||
| I miss it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I miss it. | ||
| And that's why I was happy that the Stephen Miller thing worked out for me. | ||
| I wonder what would be the strategy to get back to it. | ||
| I guess to kick ass at a comedy special would be a good way to do it. | ||
| To put together a really good comedy special. | ||
| That'd be cool. | ||
| Have you thought about doing that? | ||
| Yeah, you know what I mean? | ||
| Robbie at Netflix has to hit me up. | ||
| He's like the guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you're still doing a lot of stand-up. | ||
| Yeah, I still do a lot of stand-up. | ||
| I was talking about editing earlier. | ||
| So another thing that I'm editing, I'm editing that documentary series, which I'm happy about, but I'm also editing a documentary in my life. | ||
| And I've been doing that for three years. | ||
| Really? | ||
| It's fucking sick. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s. | ||
| And I've got over 50 interviews. | ||
| I've got Jeffrey Katzenberg and Rotenberg and Doug Herzog and Chris Rock, Marc Maron. | ||
| I mean everyone. | ||
| Saget. | ||
| Everyone has done it from ex-girlfriends to comics from the 70s. | ||
| Lenny Schultz did it. | ||
| Crazy Lenny. | ||
| Crazy Lenny. | ||
| I saw Lenny Schultz in Montreal in like 1992. Like way back in the day. | ||
| I saw him at the Comedy Works, the Montreal Comedy Festival. | ||
| He was hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, he was great. | ||
| He was the original Gallagher. | ||
| Yeah, in a lot of ways. | ||
| He was one of the original guys. | ||
| Is he still around? | ||
| Yeah, he lives in Florida. | ||
| What does he do these days? | ||
| I think he's just retired. | ||
| Doesn't he stay up anymore at all? | ||
| He used to work the main room. | ||
| As a comic growing up, that's Billy Braver. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Lenny is the one right above Billy. | ||
| Click on the one. | ||
| Yeah, right there. | ||
| That's Lenny. | ||
| So you know his joke, right? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Where he used to do the... | ||
| He used to do the Lenny Schultz diet. | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you know about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Where he would take all his clothes off and he would do this in the main room. | ||
| He would take all his clothes off and he would strip down to a Speedo. | ||
| Right? | ||
| To a Speedo. | ||
| And he would say, there's a lot of diets out there and people don't eat the food they're supposed to eat. | ||
| He goes, on the Lenny Schultz diet, I put the food on my body of the places that I want to lose weight. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So he'd have these fucking pigs and these ducks behind him and he'd play the music and he'd have all this food over there and he'd have spaghetti and he'd be like... | ||
| And it would just turn into this fucking crazy thing. | ||
| And he'd pour cottage cheese in his balls. | ||
| And then he'd have grapefruits. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He'd go, if you want to lose some weight in your elbow, have the motherfucking grapefruits! | |
| And then he'd throw the grapefruits. | ||
| People have, you're hearing this, you have to see how manic and psycho he was on stage. | ||
| He got into it. | ||
| I would hate to be that type of comic, especially traveling. | ||
| You know, that's why Carrot Top is stoked because he's just stuck in Vegas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, imagine if you had to bring a case of stuff around, you know. | ||
| Well, I was just talking to somebody about that recently. | ||
| Those guys don't exist anymore. | ||
| Like, it used to be a genre. | ||
| It used to be prop comics. | ||
| But, like, Carrot Top is letting... | ||
| He goes... | ||
| Yeah, he was my favorite comic growing up as a kid. | ||
| He was the original, yeah. | ||
| Well, he was huge in Long Island. | ||
| All the guys from Long Island loved him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They loved him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like, when I first moved there, I was like, who's Lenny Schultz? | ||
| And I'm like, you've never seen Crazy Lenny? | ||
| Like, he would hold up a bear, you know, the fucking Smokey the Bear? | ||
| And he would hold it up and he'd go, only you can prevent forest fires. | ||
| And he'd go, fuck you! | ||
| And he'd punch the bear. | ||
| It didn't make any sense, but you would laugh your ass off. | ||
| You'd be like, why am I laughing at this? | ||
| I'm not sure why. | ||
| But he was so funny. | ||
| There's a lot of comics out there that never made it that are really funny. | ||
| I'm sure you've heard of Ollie Joe Prater. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| No one knows who he is. | ||
| To me, he had the best, strongest 45 minutes I've ever seen. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But he never changed it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That happened with a lot of those guys that never, you know, really got mainstream exposure. | ||
| Like, I remember I went to see Kinison after his HBO special, and he hadn't quite figured out that he had to have all new material. | ||
| Because the HBO special had come out, and people were yelling out bits, like, while he was doing the bits. | ||
| You know, and it's like, it was that transitionary period, because when the guys would do HBO specials... | ||
| There was nothing like that before then, where someone had did an hour on television. | ||
| Usually you would do a Tonight Show, you'd do like seven minutes, and then you would go perform. | ||
| People actually probably wanted to hear those seven minutes again. | ||
| You know who is the most, to me, the most prolific comic that always changed it up was George Carlin. | ||
| Sure, every year. | ||
| He wrote a new hour every year. | ||
| Yeah, every year. | ||
| I think he had 14, right? | ||
| 14 HBO specials? | ||
| Yeah, every year he wrote a whole new hour. | ||
| I mean, that's fucking insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| You know who else did it? | ||
| Richard Jenny. | ||
| Richard Jenny worked at Eastside Comedy Club in Long Island, and he did a different show Friday 8 o'clock show, a different show Friday 10 o'clock show, a different show Saturday 8 o'clock show, and a different show Saturday 10 o'clock show. | ||
| All the comics were sitting around scratching their head. | ||
| I remember I was backstage with a- He's so good, yeah. | ||
| I was an opener back then, you know, I was just starting out. | ||
| But I was backstage with all these guys who were like local headliners and they were just like, fuck, we're terrible. | ||
| They were like, it was just confronted by how good he was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was a fucking genius. | ||
| I still to this day think that he's one of the most underrated comedians ever. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing that I noticed, because we had the same manager, Michael Rotenberg, was my manager and Jenny's manager at the time. | ||
| The one thing that I noticed about him, though, I don't know if you experienced this with him, is that his stand-up in the clubs was fucking insane. | ||
| But for some reason, when he was on TV doing it, it didn't translate as much. | ||
| For some reason, I think the... | ||
| You know how sometimes the camera just doesn't... | ||
| It doesn't pick up you as funny as you are. | ||
| That was kind of my experience with him, because he killed himself, and I don't know if that was part of the reason, because he was frustrated, you know what I mean? | ||
| A lot of people, I guess, they kill themselves if things don't work out for them, right? | ||
| I mean, in their career, I guess? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Well, he always wanted to be Jim Carrey. | ||
| That was his thing. | ||
| You know, he wanted to be Jim Carrey. | ||
| He wanted to be the comic that transitioned from doing stand-up to doing these gigantic movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he had a show for a while on UPN. Yeah, The Platypus, man. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And he actually did The Mask with Jim Carrey. | ||
| He was in that movie. | ||
| And he was great. | ||
| Yeah, it just didn't get a lot of roles, didn't get a lot of parts. | ||
| But I still maintain that a steaming pile of me, if you're listening to this and you're thinking like, let me go watch some of it. | ||
| You can get it on iTunes. | ||
| A steaming pile of me is one of my all-time favorite stand-up specials. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| A lot of it's relevant today, because it's 2007, but he does this thing about the difference between people on the left and people on the right and people in the middle, and it's fucking brilliant. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| I gotta hear that. | ||
| And he was like a guy that I saw when I was starting out where I really realized, watching him, how important it is to really go in depth on a subject. | ||
| Because he didn't just scratch the surface. | ||
| Like, when I was an open-miker, one thing you see about open-mikers is they'll touch a subject, and then they move on to a next subject. | ||
| But they basically just scratch the surface of it. | ||
| Jenny would dig a trench. | ||
| He would go deep. | ||
| And he would, like, get everything there was to get out of that bit, and then he would move on to another subject. | ||
| And by the time he did, you were fucking howling in laughter and holding your sides. | ||
| Yeah, he was... | ||
| He was amazing. | ||
| Yeah, he was so good. | ||
| He was. | ||
| And I agree with you, though. | ||
| When you see him in the clubs, you really got to see what he's really all about. | ||
| That's really the problem with specials, right? | ||
| It's like trying to figure out how to translate what you do when it's a Friday night in the OR. How do you get someone to experience that magic of a perfect club set? | ||
| In, you know, a special. | ||
| I think it's people's faces. | ||
| I think it's comedians' faces. | ||
| Some just pop off of screen and some don't. | ||
| That's my opinion. | ||
| There's a little bit of that because Richard had a weird face and he had plastic surgery and there's a bunch of shit going on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, I don't know. | ||
| I like clubs too, in terms of like filming, because I filmed... | ||
| There's a connection. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a vibe. | ||
| Because when you do your stuff, you're here and the audience is back there. | ||
| It's a little disconnect. | ||
| If you're in a big theater, yeah. | ||
| There's good things about a big theater. | ||
| It's like you hear a huge roar, you get to see the place, and everybody's like, wow, Pauly Shore must be gigantic. | ||
| Look at all these fucking people in the audience. | ||
| But when you're at home... | ||
| You're on a couch and you're in front of the TV. It's very intimate. | ||
| So you don't feel connected to this big giant place. | ||
| So that's why my Comedy Central special from 2014, Rocky Mountain High, I did in Denver at the Comedy Works. | ||
| And the reason why I did it there, I was like, this is an intimate room. | ||
| I want to have an intimate show. | ||
| And if I'm here, this is the place to do it. | ||
| It's nice and tight. | ||
| Let me ask you something. | ||
| At what point, as a stand-up, did you feel that you got really funny? | ||
| Like, you. | ||
| Like, you felt like, oh shit, like, I feel like I'm really funny. | ||
| Like, you can't say at the beginning, like, at what point. | ||
| No, it was more than ten years in. | ||
| Probably ten years in, I felt like I was competent. | ||
| But I feel like I'm better now than I've ever been before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But it's just work. | ||
| It's just constantly working at it. | ||
| Like, I feel like stand-up is one of the unique things that requires, well, it requires, like, rigorous attention and detail. | ||
| And you have to be paying, and you have to be enthusiastic And you have to be disciplined. | ||
| Like, and it's almost contrary to what a lot of us are. | ||
| Like, a lot of us aren't disciplined people, which is why we're funny in the first place, because we're silly, and we're impulsive, and we laugh about things, joke around about things, and think about things in a fucked up way that's outside the box of normal thinking, you know? | ||
| So I think that a lot of times that sort of mindset is contrary to the mindset that's required to be disciplined, to write. | ||
| But as a kid, as a kid growing up, tell me about your parents. | ||
| I was not funny. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. | ||
| So, do you have brothers and sisters? | ||
| Yeah, I have a sister. | ||
| And how old is she compared to you? | ||
| She's a year younger. | ||
| And then your parents, you grew up in the house altogether? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not divorced? | ||
| Not my dad. | ||
| No, we were divorced. | ||
| My mom got divorced when I was like five. | ||
| Okay, so that was like me, right? | ||
| Did she have a lot of boyfriends? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| She hooked up with my stepdad, and they've been together ever since. | ||
| My mom had a lot of boyfriends. | ||
| Yeah, that's different. | ||
| Yeah, but anyways, you would walk in a room, Joe Rogan would walk in a room and you'd say something, would they laugh? | ||
| No, but he thought it was funny. | ||
| I wasn't a funny person. | ||
| So you weren't funny, right? | ||
| You know how I got into comedy is making people laugh when we were doing martial arts, because we were going to fight in tournaments. | ||
| So we'd all be nervous. | ||
| And it was like, I would be the one that made everybody laugh, like when we'd be on a bus to go to a tournament to fight. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Do you talk about this? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| I mean, maybe I've brought it up before. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's funny. | ||
| It's funny, but it's weird. | ||
| Just the scene of you on a bus with a bunch of kids fucking shooting the shit. | ||
| Well, one of them to this day, I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to my friend Steve Graham and my other friend Ed Shorter. | ||
| They're the guys who talked me into it if it wasn't for them. | ||
| And Steve Graham is still a dear friend to this day. | ||
| So you were on the bus, you were going to your wrestling tournaments in Boston. | ||
| It was kickboxing or taekwondo back then. | ||
| In Boston? | ||
| Yeah, in Boston. | ||
| But you grew up right in Boston. | ||
| I grew up in Newton, Newton Upper Falls, which is like a suburb of Boston. | ||
| Is that like by Springfield, Mass? | ||
| No. | ||
| Newton is like, it's right off of Route 9, so it's like Natick, in that area. | ||
| It's pretty close to Boston. | ||
| You know, it's like not a far drive at all. | ||
| And I would drive into town to train. | ||
| My taekwondo school was in Boston. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And we would travel around the country. | ||
| We'd fly to places and compete. | ||
| It was like a giant part of my life. | ||
| Like karate chop shit? | ||
| Taekwondo tournaments. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so we were always nervous because guys get knocked out. | ||
| Guys get kicked in the face. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| How old were you? | ||
| I started when I was 15. That's when I started. | ||
| So this was in high school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so you're driving to the things. | ||
| Yeah, so by the time I was 21, I was very successful at it. | ||
| I was a four-time state champion, and I was competing constantly. | ||
| I won the US Open, I won a bunch of these big tournaments, like the Bay State Games. | ||
| Did you ever go against black guys? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it scary? | ||
| The first time I did, I was nervous. | ||
| I know, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| Fuck, right? | ||
| Did you beat him? | ||
| But the first black I fought, I knocked out. | ||
| That was a huge alleviation of my worries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I assume, right? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why I watched... | ||
| The UFC stuff, and I watch you out there, and I'm like, when you first were doing it, there was no black guys. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I'm thinking, I'm just a guy watching at home, like, where's the fucking black guys? | ||
| Because they would kill everyone. | ||
| And now all of a sudden there's black guys, and they're like, oh shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, what's interesting in boxing, that was always the case, right? | ||
| But now you're seeing Russians, like Gennady Golovkin, you know, and like... | ||
| I mean, it's really just a matter of the economic situation, because in the early days of the 1900s, it was a lot of Jews, because, like, Slapsy Maxy Rosenbaum, there was a bunch of Jewish fighters, because, you know, there were Jewish immigrants, and they faced a lot of hostility and poverty, and this was a way out. | ||
| And then it became Italians, like Rocky Marciano, Rocky Graziano. | ||
| There's a lot of Italian boxers. | ||
| And then it became like Puerto Ricans and blacks. | ||
| And it's mostly, it's a lot of it is disenfranchised people that are looking for some sort of an escape. | ||
| And it's also a financial thing as well. | ||
| Yeah, economic problems. | ||
| It's like Kevin Durant, in a way, I mean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Playing hoop and like, you know, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's their way out. | ||
| It's their ticket out of poverty, you know? | ||
| So you're seeing that with Russians now a lot, you know? | ||
| So you're on the bus, you're with your friends, you're joking around. | ||
| I would do impressions of people, like, do impressions of our friends having sex. | ||
| Oh, that's hilarious. | ||
| Just different things. | ||
| So then one day they said you'd go to Comedy Connection in Boston? | ||
| No, my friend Steve said, you know, you're funny. | ||
| Like, you're really funny. | ||
| And I was like, look... | ||
| I make you laugh because you're my friend. | ||
| I'm like, other people are going to think I'm an asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because especially in Boston, which is like a really conservative place, my sense of humor was very fucked up because these people were fighters, you know? | ||
| So there was all these black belts who were competing on a national level, traveling all around the country. | ||
| Like, they were very intense people, so you could say fucked up things to them to make them laugh. | ||
| Like, their borders, their boundaries were very different than the average person, because they were experiencing such a... | ||
| Like, I assumed cops would be a lot like that, too, and maybe even soldiers. | ||
| Cops I talked to, like a lot of cops that I would train with, too, they had the most fucked up senses of humor. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hilarious. | |
| Because they would be seeing gunshot wounds all the time, and, you know, and there was... | ||
| A lot of jokes they would tell as the guy was dead. | ||
| They would be over the guy's body making jokes when no one was around. | ||
| And people would think it's disrespectful, but a lot of it is the human brain is not supposed to experience that kind of stress that a cop or soldier experiences. | ||
| And gallows humor, as it were, that's what a lot of them would turn to for some sort of a relief. | ||
| So what I did is I went to an open mic night and I watched This is actually a Richard Jenney quote. | ||
| It's a great quote. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| He said, one of the great things about terrible comedians is they inspire other people to try it. | ||
| Because you watch them and you go, well, this guy's fucking terrible. | ||
| At least if I suck, I won't suck that bad. | ||
| So my idea of stand-up is I would go to some place and I would see like Robin Williams and Richard Pryor and all these people that were just like gods. | ||
| And I would be like, There's no way I'm going to be able to go up there and do that. | ||
| But when I went to an open mic night, I realized that, oh no, these people, it's just like being a white belt in martial arts. | ||
| Like they're starting from the beginning. | ||
| And so that's why I signed up for it. | ||
| And this was at which club was it? | ||
| Stitches. | ||
| Stitches in Boston in the 80s, right? | ||
| 88. Yeah. | ||
| August 27th, 1988. That's funny. | ||
| I started, my first one was September 25th, 1985. That was my first time. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Isn't it crazy to think back? | ||
| Time just keeps moving on, Pauly. | ||
| It's not cool. | ||
| It's weird, right? | ||
| It's definitely weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It never ends. | ||
| It's not going to. | ||
| Keeps going. | ||
| You have a family now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many kids? | ||
| Three. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I know. | ||
| Is it nuts? | ||
| How come you have no desire? | ||
| None whatsoever? | ||
| Um, yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But you gotta find the right gal. | ||
| Or guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You never know, right? | ||
| In this day and age? | ||
| I saw an article the other day. | ||
| It said, transgender man gave birth to baby. | ||
| And then Ben Shapiro retweeted it. | ||
| Woman gave birth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just... | ||
| I'm feeling it more now that I'm getting older because at the bottom line is, you know, I don't want to, well, you know, Larry King, Michael Douglas, Letterman, these guys have their kids in their late 60s. | ||
| Yeah, way late. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not cool. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Nah, you can still do it. | ||
| You can do it if you get in, like, right now. | ||
| If there's anyone listening, just tweet their photos at Joe Rogan. | ||
| Freeze your jizz. | ||
| It's time to start freezing jizz. | ||
| Yeah, exactly, right? | ||
| I should get Whitney Cummings pregnant. | ||
| What do you think about that? | ||
| You'd have to talk to her and see if that's something she'd be interested in. | ||
| I would imagine she would not be interested in it. | ||
| She wouldn't, right? | ||
| She wouldn't want my semen? | ||
| You'd have to talk to her. | ||
| To be clear, I wouldn't want to decide for her. | ||
| Or it could be Eliza. | ||
| I think she's getting married. | ||
| Yeah, but I think she missed the boat. | ||
| Ooh, I don't know. | ||
| Why would you want to get married to a comedian? | ||
| I know you are. | ||
| But why would you want to get married to a comedian? | ||
| No, I wouldn't. | ||
| I wouldn't. | ||
| I'm just kidding. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| It's like there's pros and cons. | ||
| You know, like... | ||
| Ari's one of my best friends, and Ari travels the world, and he experiences a life that's very... | ||
| I mean, you know what Ari just did? | ||
| Where he took three months off, actually four months, and just vanished. | ||
| Didn't talk to anybody, didn't bring a laptop. | ||
| Yeah, he did the Chappelle thing. | ||
| More than that, he went to Vietnam and Cambodia and... | ||
| No, I don't know, Cambodia. | ||
| Thailand. | ||
| He went all over the place. | ||
| But he did it by himself, like, with no one. | ||
| And just met people, experienced things, and just... | ||
| And no one knew who he was? | ||
| I mean, a few people recognized him and they took pictures with him and put him on Facebook. | ||
| And that's how we found out he was still alive. | ||
| But it was weird. | ||
| But he just decided like, hey, I just want to just have an adventure. | ||
| That's something obviously is out of the question when you have children. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| So there's pros in that. | ||
| I wouldn't want to. | ||
| That's not me. | ||
| I wouldn't want to disappear for four months. | ||
| No kids or kids. | ||
| It's just like, I don't have that desire. | ||
| For him. | ||
| But the desire to do an adventure, to just go someplace for a couple of weeks is cool, but when you have kids, especially if you have little girls that wait for you, and you talk to them on the phone, they can't wait to see you, it's a different world, you know? | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| I'm almost 50. I'll be 50 tomorrow. | ||
| Happy birthday, Joe. | ||
| Thank you, Paul. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's amazing. | |
| Thank you very much. | ||
| Are you doing a big 50th thing, really? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I think birthday parties are bullshit. | ||
| It's like, look at me. | ||
| I went to a friend of mine's birthday party. | ||
| It was his 50th birthday party. | ||
| It was so annoying. | ||
| They played a video. | ||
| We had to watch a video, and it was like 20 minutes. | ||
| And I was like, Jesus Christ, when is it over? | ||
| And then when it was over... | ||
| His fucking family members and his friends got up and told stories with a microphone, and they held everybody captive with their shitty stories. | ||
| It was death. | ||
| It was death. | ||
| I couldn't wait to get out of there. | ||
| You know what was funny is that... | ||
| I shouldn't play this video I have here. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| You know, it was weird. | ||
| Do you ever sometimes dream about things, like when you think things and you have dreams? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew I was coming in here today and I had a dream about you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was interesting. | ||
| I had a dream that we were doing our thing and it was cool. | ||
| And I said, congratulations on your new show. | ||
| Your show's been on the air. | ||
| And it was called The Rogans. | ||
| And it was you and a camper with your wife and your kids going across America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was like a family, almost like the Griswolds, but the Rogans. | ||
| But I know that's something you would never do, but it was funny. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| It was like on the Travel Channel. | ||
| And it was like you guys fishing and eating and just... | ||
| How hilarious would that be? | ||
| It would be kind of hilarious, but it's kind of gross, too, because whenever I see people that have their kids on these reality shows, I'm like, you're not even letting that kid choose. | ||
| You don't even give that kid a choice to be famous, like Honey Boo Boo or any of those fucking people. | ||
| You're just putting your kid on TV before your kid even understands the consequences of it. | ||
| I mean, at least when you got on television, you were in your 20s. | ||
| You kind of were an adult. | ||
| You kind of got it. | ||
| I mean, it was young, and I'm sure it was weird to grow up in the spotlight like that, but at least you were a grown-up. | ||
| Yeah, I understand. | ||
| You know, when you see people that have their babies on TV and children on TV, like, what the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Do you not know, as a person who's on TV, that this could be, like, emotionally devastating? | ||
| Detrimental for them, yeah. | ||
| Just if they read the comments. | ||
| Just if they went to, you know, Instagram or YouTube and read the comments, like, Jesus Christ, you know? | ||
| Yeah, well look at child actors. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're all nuts. | |
| They're messed up. | ||
| You know what I did recently? | ||
| Is it Comic Con? | ||
| You know what that is? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| But you know that you sign things? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| You did it? | ||
| Yeah, I did. | ||
| So you sat down in one of those booths? | ||
| Yeah, it was like, I'd never done it. | ||
| My friend of mine in San Antonio hooked me up with this agent. | ||
| And he just, you know, they give you, you know, they pay you, obviously, and you fly in, and there's basically Comic Cons, as you know, it's all like, you know, people are dressed as Superman and Batman, and, you know, all these, but then there's the section with celebrities. | ||
| So there's a lot of, like, people from Breaking Bad, there was a lot of people from Walking Dead, but then there was, like, Rob Schneider was in a booth, you know what I mean? | ||
| Val Kilmer was in a booth, and he's got, like, throat cancer. | ||
| Val Kilmer has throat cancer? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| It's fucking... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not cool. | ||
| And then you got, like, Dolph Lundgren there. | ||
| I didn't know Val Kilmer had throat cancer. | ||
| That sucks. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's not old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I mean, he's like 45 or something like that, isn't he? | ||
| Yeah, he's young. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah, so it was just... | ||
| It was a weird kind of experience. | ||
| It was, like, awesome, and it was also not awesome. | ||
| Dude, Val Kilmer is the shit. | ||
| In Tombstone, what does it say? | ||
| Spotted with a breathing aid... | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's terrible. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's a fucking, it's terrible. | ||
| Well, he's had some crazy ups and downs with his weight to the point where he gotta go, like, look at those pictures of him on the far right. | ||
| Look at those pictures. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like, that was in the massive alcoholic days. | ||
| I mean, there's nothing that does that to you like that other than massive eating and alcoholism. | ||
| That's so sad. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| People just abuse the shit out of their body like that. | ||
| What about Sizemore? | ||
| Throat cancer. | ||
| What happened to him? | ||
| He was... | ||
| Yeah, let's look at him. | ||
| Where's he at? | ||
| He was... | ||
| He's a friend of mine, and I don't... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He's... | ||
| He had some drug issues. | ||
| Yeah, some drug issues. | ||
| Serious drug issues. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like... | ||
| He was a great actor, right? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Fuck, dude. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, and also, like, so many movies. | ||
| He's a savage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, and I saw Michael Madsen there, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God, man. | |
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a bummer. | |
| It was like... | ||
| It's a bummer. | ||
| Well, you have a good sense of humor about the demise of your film career. | ||
| I've seen you joke around about it on stage, about trying to get TMZ, like, hey, pay attention to me, man, I'm over here. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, I think you have to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the fact is, I still have all my money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I didn't, like... | ||
| Right. | ||
| You didn't go crazy. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, I still own my house. | ||
| I don't live in it. | ||
| I live in Silver Lake. | ||
| I have an apartment out there, which I enjoy. | ||
| I like Silver Lake. | ||
| But would I like to live in my big mansion up in the hill? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Would you rent it out? | ||
| Yeah, lease it out. | ||
| That's smart. | ||
| Yeah, lease it out. | ||
| It's a good way to do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm one person. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So... | ||
| Yeah, that was the one thing. | ||
| You like living in Silver Lake? | ||
| I like it. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| What do you like about Silver Lake? | ||
| I never understood Silver Lake. | ||
| No one bugs you there. | ||
| There's no tour buses. | ||
| There's no billboards. | ||
| There's no Starbucks. | ||
| There's none of that stuff. | ||
| It's different than the Valley. | ||
| It's all really cool restaurants, really cool bars, really nice people. | ||
| People are very quiet. | ||
| It's all craft stuff. | ||
| You can write. | ||
| It's very creative. | ||
| It reminds me of the East Village in New York. | ||
| That's the vibe. | ||
| So if you ever go out to the east... | ||
| I know Bill Burr lives in Los Feliz. | ||
| And that whole area, it's pretty cool. | ||
| And the thing that I really like about it is the architecture there is still old Hollywood. | ||
| I love the old buildings. | ||
| The building that I live in is in the 1920s. | ||
| So it's got that history. | ||
| And I love that. | ||
| I love that history. | ||
| I don't like Sunset now. | ||
| I drive by Sunset. | ||
| I kind of like... | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like the store and... | ||
| What, the Roxy and the Rainbow are the only places left. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| Isn't it weird when they chop down the House of Blues? | ||
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| The cool thing is the view now. | ||
| The view from the store is sick. | ||
| Yeah, but what they're probably going to do is build something bigger, though. | ||
| They're going to build a boutique hotel. | ||
| They're going to build a high-rise. | ||
| What do you think about the store and the future of the store? | ||
| I mean, you're a thought about it. | ||
| It's never been doing better than it is now. | ||
| It's amazing how packed it is. | ||
| I mean, it's sold out every night. | ||
| It's constant. | ||
| But what do you think about the building itself? | ||
| In what way? | ||
| Keeping it or not keeping it. | ||
| What else would you do? | ||
| Well, I mean, I wouldn't do it, but I'm just saying if someone came in and offered a whole bunch of money to knock it down and build a hotel. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| I mean, what would you think? | ||
| Well, it would suck for comedy, for sure. | ||
| But the laugh factor is probably not doing so high. | ||
| You'd probably take that motherfucker over. | ||
| Take the Laugh Factory over? | ||
| Move down the street. | ||
| But the room's not that great of a room. | ||
| No, but you might be able to do something else. | ||
| Well, the thing is, the Comedy Store is perfect. | ||
| That's part of the problem. | ||
| I mean, it literally is perfect. | ||
| I mean, you have three different... | ||
| Like, Wednesday night, I did the hat trick. | ||
| I started out in the belly room, or Tuesday night. | ||
| I started out in the belly room, I did a set in the main room, and I did a set in the OR. You know, there's not a place in the country where you could do that, where you can perform in front of 90 people, 400 people, and then 150 people. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I mean, and every show was sold out, too. | ||
| On a fucking Tuesday night, man. | ||
| Tuesday night, three sold-out shows in Hollywood, you know? | ||
| And for me to work out my material, like, it's so invaluable, you know? | ||
| I like to do the Ice House. | ||
| Like, I did the Ice House last night. | ||
| Did, like, 35 minutes, and I did it with Andrew Santino and Tom Segura and Tom Papa and Frank Castillo. | ||
| And, you know, it's just these killer lineups. | ||
| And you get... | ||
| Awesome shows. | ||
| The people get to have a great time. | ||
| You get to work out and fuck around. | ||
| These clubs around here are so critical. | ||
| They're so important. | ||
| If someone came along and bought the comic store, it would be the end of a giant era. | ||
| It would be devastating. | ||
| What do you think about it? | ||
| I think what my mom thinks is leave it alone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I wouldn't knock it down. | ||
| Well, who would be responsible? | ||
| Who is in charge now? | ||
| Well, I'm not in charge. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Is it Peter? | ||
| Peter, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the good thing is that the Comedy Store is making money now. | ||
| And a lot of money. | ||
| It's doing really well. | ||
| Thanks to guys like you. | ||
| Coming around for sure. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| I hope it keeps coming. | ||
| Look, it's the most iconic comedy club in the history of the known universe. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| It's my heart. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's where I've been my whole life. | ||
| I walk into that place every day. | ||
| And I feel like I'm walking inside my mom. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I really feel like when I'm there, I feel her. | ||
| Don't you? | ||
| Oh, yeah, man. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And it's like, you know the bar in the back room, that bar, I took it from the Doheny house. | ||
| Oh, that's right, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because that bar was in my mom's house, and that's the bar that Kenison and Pryor and everyone got fucked up on. | ||
| And when we sold the house, I was cleaning it out. | ||
| That's one of the things in the Doc series, is I'm like, keep this bar, because it's great. | ||
| And then I had Juan Carlos pick it up, and we brought it over to Eric in the back room, and we saved it for you guys. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I did that, you know, so the comics can have that feeling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, of like... | ||
| Because that bar, the Doheny House, is as iconic as the Comedy Store. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, because that's the house. | ||
| That was like the Comedy Mansion. | ||
| Well, you know, that's Crest Hill, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, the Doheny House from my mom. | ||
| See, I never went to that, but I almost bought Crest Hill. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You know when Crest Hill was for sale a few years back? | ||
| I went to look at it and I was going to buy it. | ||
| That would have been perfect for you. | ||
| Yeah, but... | ||
| The vibe? | ||
| It was just... | ||
| I lived there for a while. | ||
| I couldn't commit to living right there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was like, this is just too derelict. | ||
| Like, I've always been the guy who likes to live away from stuff and then, like, come in and then get some quiet and peace. | ||
| I'm like, this might be too much to be, like, right above the comedy store and just like... | ||
| It might be like, I might burn out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| But like that room, it's interesting because that back bar is a new place, but it doesn't feel like a new place. | ||
| It feels like probably because of that bar and also because it's in the store. | ||
| But it's also the old video room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's where my mom did. | ||
| It was like the comedy channel. | ||
| That's where she kept all her old videos. | ||
| So it feels like, you know, that... | ||
| That bar's amazing. | ||
| That vibe, yeah. | ||
| It's the coolest place. | ||
| You go back there and Ron White will be back there holding court. | ||
| Except when DeLea's there throwing his hair around. | ||
| That doesn't work for me, bro. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That's not cool, bro. | ||
| D'Elia's hilarious. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| What's going on, man? | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| He is hilarious. | ||
| I mean, it's a great crew there now. | ||
| I mean, there's so many funny comics there. | ||
| It's really an amazing time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's also like a lot of people like, you know, for me, because I've seen the decades of it, there's still nothing like the Kennison in the prior days. | ||
| You know, like I watch everyone in the back and I'm like, they're killing. | ||
| But for some reason it just doesn't feel like I felt when I was one of the reasons why because back then and there would never been anything like that You know, I mean you think about prior before prior came around who the fuck was like prior? | ||
| No one, you know and Kenison Kenison was a completely unique kind of talent There'd never been anybody like him before and so now you've seen so much since then They'll never be that uniquely innocent time where people are like Yeah, but, you know, | ||
| to respond to the Pryor thing, when he would, because I saw him for years develop his show there at the store, when he would walk on stage and they would say, ladies and gentlemen, Richard Pryor, it was like, fucking Jesus. | ||
| It was like, people literally would stand up and be like, no way, fuck, huh, what? | ||
| It was like that type of shit. | ||
| Like Elvis. | ||
| Yeah, like that type of shit. | ||
| So I saw that. | ||
| And there was something so obviously... | ||
| He was just so funny, dude. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like even if his material wasn't funny that night, he was just funny. | ||
| He's a genius. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like a real comedy genius. | ||
| And, you know, probably one of the most influential stand-up comedians ever. | ||
| Him and Kinnison. | ||
| I think Kinnison... | ||
| I mean, I think obviously Pryor was before him and Kinnison learned a lot from Pryor. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| McKinnison was very groundbreaking in a lot of ways. | ||
| There's never been anybody like him before. | ||
| Yeah, and it's also before Sam got into too much of the drugs. | ||
| He had that five-year run, which was fucking insane. | ||
| And I know I was on that run, too, with him. | ||
| I was opening for him for a while on the road. | ||
| And then he started going off the deep end. | ||
| Yeah, nobody can sustain that. | ||
| Did you ever read his brother's book? | ||
| Brother Sam? | ||
| I didn't read. | ||
| No, I didn't read. | ||
| It's a great book. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And in it, his brother sort of talks about how Sam just kind of stopped writing because he was partying all the time and his material suffered and you could really feel the difference. | ||
| And nobody could live that rock and roll crazy drug life and still be an awesome creative force. | ||
| Creativity demands your attention. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I got so many stories with this. | ||
| It's fucking insane. | ||
| But his Rodney Dangerfield Young Comedian specials were like fucking... | ||
| The second one was just as good as the first one. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, the first spot. | ||
| He was a fucking genius. | ||
| Dude, I gotta get out of here, unfortunately. | ||
| No, it's all good. | ||
| I gotta squeeze this in today to get you on, but I wanted everybody to know about it. | ||
| And so tell people where they can see this on Funny or Die. | ||
| Yeah, just go to Funny or Die. | ||
| Check out the Stephen Miller clip. | ||
| Also, Crackle, my show on Crackle. | ||
| And I'll be coming out with some documentary stuff. | ||
| And Pauly Shore Stands Alone is on Amazon right now, if you haven't seen that. | ||
| And Pauly Shore on Twitter. | ||
| Which is Pauly Shore. | ||
| Instagram? | ||
| Instagram, Pauly Shore, Snap, Pauly Shore. | ||
| It's MySpace, Corey Feldman. | ||
| All right, brother. | ||
| I'll see you at the store. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Thank you. |
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