July 5, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:24:49
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yeah! | ||
| Natasha, put your phone away. | ||
| I'm trying to retweet it! | ||
| You're trying? | ||
| But the story was real. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| This shit's not coming up. | ||
| There it goes. | ||
| This interface. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| It's very hard. | ||
| Are you guys worried that by calling your tour Endless Honeymoon, you might put the jinx on it? | ||
| Sort of like how Rob and Blac Chyna in doing a reality show... | ||
| A jinx on what, our marriage or the tour? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| We can pivot into the endless divorce tour very quickly. | ||
| Ah, right, because you guys will be friends, even if you hit the rocks. | ||
| Strictly homies tour. | ||
| Well, the way we thought of it is when we were in Newport, Rhode Island, we learned about this rich couple who went on a 10-year honeymoon. | ||
| And then they came back with four kids. | ||
| And I just thought that sounded so romantic, to be so rich that you just went away for a decade. | ||
| Yeah, you have kids on the fly. | ||
| You go away newlyweds, you come back grandparents. | ||
| That's super bold, too. | ||
| Like, they don't even know their doctor. | ||
| They're in fucking Sweden and shit. | ||
| I mean, they're rich people. | ||
| Those people were so rich, man. | ||
| Do you know about the Newport, the seat of wealth that was Newport, Rhode Island? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I used to do a lot of gigs in Rhode Island. | ||
| There's these insane mansions there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is the backdrop of the show. | ||
| Well, in the Gilded Age in, like, 1900, basically 90% of the wealth in America was in Rhode Island. | ||
| And then everyone else was living, like... | ||
| You know, in squalor. | ||
| Because they hadn't established personal income tax yet. | ||
| It was like the years right before personal income tax had been established in this country. | ||
| So people had like 35 indoor servants, 55 outdoor servants. | ||
| People would come from Australia in boats and you would just make them your... | ||
| It was like slavery, but... | ||
| This is the show at the Endless Honey Mature. | ||
| We do an extended lecture on personal income tax and the history. | ||
| And slavery. | ||
| Yeah, it's really fun. | ||
| No, my show, Another Period, is based on that. | ||
| That's how we know about it. | ||
| But yeah, they were like, these people, it was the Carnegies and the Rockefellers and these like seed of power, like Illuminati old, you know. | ||
| Like Carnegie had a billion dollars a hundred years ago. | ||
| Like these people were, they were just, but now we've come full circle and people have figured out how to legally steal money and not pay income. | ||
| But not that many. | ||
| I mean, the difference is pretty shocking. | ||
| But don't, like, the Romneys of the world, don't they know how to not pay? | ||
| Mitt Romneys, are you talking about? | ||
| Well, like, the politicians. | ||
| Don't they kind of know how to... | ||
| You're talking about... | ||
| She's talking about big old corporate oligarchy billionaire people that have figured out... | ||
| Any super rich people are going to try really hard to hold on to their money and pay as little taxes as possible and form LLCs and corporations and all kinds of jazz, but... | ||
| It is funny that comedians are mostly super liberal, and they're all like, man, we got Bernie, and we gotta pay these high tax rates, and anyway, I'm incorporated, and my LLC's name is, it's just like, you're doing a corporate fiction, too. | ||
| It's a tax shelter for entertainers. | ||
| But here's the problem. | ||
| Where's the money going? | ||
| Like, I'd be willing to give away more money in tax dollars if I knew that it was a rock-solid establishment, they really knew what to do. | ||
| If you could fill little bubbles, like, oh, I'd like most of my money to go to education, nothing to this, nothing to that. | ||
| Oh, that'd be amazing. | ||
| It would be, but the country would be fucked. | ||
| The roads would fall apart quickly. | ||
| Oh, everything would fall apart, you know? | ||
| Cops would be out of business. | ||
| Well, no, because half of the country, at least, would be like, all my money to the cops, all my money to the defense. | ||
| I would love to see. | ||
| I wouldn't love to do it because I just don't think that that amount of power should be in people's hands without a lot of research first. | ||
| You know, I think that's a big part of the problem even running for president and voting for president. | ||
| You don't have to have any research done before you choose a candidate. | ||
| You just like them. | ||
| And also you don't have to have done any research to be the president. | ||
| Also there's like no choice. | ||
| You're like, okay, I guess I'm a Hillary person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you could become a Hillary person just because you didn't want a reality show contestant or whatever the fuck he was. | ||
| But that's the crazy thing about, and I do think, I think we were talking about this last time, I do think Trump, if he's doing anything good for American society, he's pointing out how ridiculous and arbitrary the worship of the American president is. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| If people are going, that's not presidential. | ||
| Well, presidential means that you look dignified while you bomb a village in Yemen. | ||
| So we should just destroy presidential as an idea. | ||
| Gore Vidal said that he called it the uniquely American religion of president worship. | ||
| President worship. | ||
| Yeah, that is really... | ||
| I mean, it's really just a new version of kings. | ||
| That's so funny that our whole foundation mythology is based on the rejection of the king, and we immediately established kingship, which is what they did in Christianity. | ||
| I think of Christianity this way. | ||
| It's based in this Judaic religion that says... | ||
| Let's get rid of the idea of a man that you worship or a figure or a god that you bow in front of. | ||
| There's one right in front of us, right? | ||
| Let's get rid of a statue that you bow down in front of. | ||
| And the next religion was like, let's worship a human being. | ||
| That is so in us. | ||
| Well, it's alpha male chimpanzee stuff. | ||
| We always try to look to the number one, the one that knows the most, the oldest with the most scars. | ||
| Gone through the most battle. | ||
| Has the most wisdom. | ||
| Lead us. | ||
| Because you want to know which snakes are poisonous and what plants you can eat and what's going to kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And everybody worships the past. | ||
| That's what's so funny to me about American... | ||
| It's the day after July 4th and everybody talks about the Founding Fathers. | ||
| It's like, those were dudes who had the education of the... | ||
| They were brilliant people in the 1800s and 1700s. | ||
| But I'm not like trying to... | ||
| I'm not trying to go to a doctor from the Founding Fathers days. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Or like, yeah, people probably stunk. | ||
| People probably did stink. | ||
| Thomas Jefferson probably stank. | ||
| Probably just what people smelled like back then. | ||
| Like, if you caught a gal after a bath, you were psyched. | ||
| But even a bath! | ||
| A bath is, let's be honest about what a bath is, it's asshole and vagina soup. | ||
| I mean, you're sitting in a big teapot of asshole. | ||
| But you don't put your dick or balls in there. | ||
| The men put their assholes in, women put their vaginas in, but men, they hold up their assholes, their dicks and balls, so they don't forget. | ||
| Well, it doesn't concern me what a guy smells like, but what a girl smells like concerns me. | ||
| But maybe it wouldn't have back then. | ||
| Maybe it wouldn't have. | ||
| Maybe just your standards change. | ||
| If you're horny enough, you don't care. | ||
| That is true. | ||
| I'll never forget this passage. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Always. | ||
| But you're an incredibly horny person, Natasha. | ||
| Classically horny. | ||
| Let me just say, guys, my wife is so horny. | ||
| I love that word, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like how you did it in a sort of a gay, floppy way. | |
| Isn't it funny that being mobile is gay? | ||
| Is gay, yeah. | ||
| If you just start going like this, people go, oh, that's gay as fuck. | ||
| There's a story about Tom Cruise. | ||
| Have you heard this? | ||
| That he came to, I can't remember who, some comedy person who's like a normal human being, right? | ||
| Like, but famous, but not like Tom Cruise famous. | ||
| So Tom Cruise like connected with that person. | ||
| I can't, it would make it a better story if I remember who it was. | ||
| But it was somebody like, at like your level, or like a Mark Duplass, or you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I don't know who Mark Duplass is. | ||
| Well, he's a guy at your level. | ||
| Do you know who he is? | ||
| The Duplass Brothers. | ||
| Jamie knows who everybody is. | ||
| I don't know who the Duplass Brothers is. | ||
| They made the show Togetherness on HBO. My point isn't about the Duplass Brothers. | ||
| They were just semi-famous, not inhuman. | ||
| Okay, what did Tom Cruise say? | ||
| Tom Cruise got himself. | ||
| She's so horny she wants to get to the fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I get it. | |
| So, see, he got invited to a Super Bowl party at this person's house, right? | ||
| Like, imagine if Tom Cruise was coming to your house for the Super Bowl party. | ||
| For a Super Bowl party? | ||
| He was like, oh. | ||
| Imagine asking Tom Cruise and he says, yes? | ||
| Like, honey, he said yes. | ||
| What do we do? | ||
| Right, and imagine being Tom Cruise and be like, I think I will be among the humans today. | ||
| So Tom Cruise apparently shows up with a brand new, like, clearly fresh football that his assistant, like, you know, he's, like, tossing, like, a literal brand new football in the air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they're all talking about marriage at some point in the day. | ||
| And he goes, you know what the best part of being married is, though, right? | ||
| Fucking your wife! | ||
| Am I right? | ||
| You just fuck your wife. | ||
| And everybody's like, felt like tumbleweeds roll through the park. | ||
| He's sort of like a robot, huh? | ||
| Like an alien visiting us. | ||
| He must be amazing to hang out with. | ||
| I would love to hang out with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking your wife, right? | |
| I mean, when you're that famous, your work ethic, it's like you just devote everything to that, I think. | ||
| Because my agents were like, they know that the agents who are Tom Cruise's agents, they said, Tom Cruise always gets back within an hour when we send a script. | ||
| Because I'll keep a script for three weeks, and then by the time I read it, the part's been cast. | ||
| He reads it in an hour? | ||
| They said, Tom Cruise will read a script in an hour and get back to them and either like it or not like it. | ||
| He's just on the ball. | ||
| He's trying to win. | ||
| He's won. | ||
| And it's an inhuman instinct, because our human instinct is to just atrophy. | ||
| In a way. | ||
| I mean, you have to kind of fight it, but it's easy to be lazy and to procrastinate. | ||
| It's definitely easy to be lazy, but if you're going to be Tom Cruise, you really have to be on the ball. | ||
| There's no other way. | ||
| It's a full-time job. | ||
| But that's not just what's going on. | ||
| There's this weird alien sort of behavior patterns that we don't recognize as being normal. | ||
| Like when he jumped up on Oprah's couch, he's like, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love. | ||
| And everybody's like, what the fuck is going on here? | ||
| No, it's like a person who doesn't understand French, but you're speaking French to a French person. | ||
| You're saying all the right words. | ||
| What the fuck is wrong with this guy? | ||
| It seems like every choice he makes outside of acting is based on what he's assuming normal human beings think is the normal behavior. | ||
| So he goes, ooh, love is when you jump on a couch and go, I love her! | ||
| Which is informed by movies, really, right? | ||
| Like, that's more movie-like, right? | ||
| That's like John Cusack in Say Anything. | ||
| Like, oh, that's what love looks like. | ||
| It's not... | ||
| You know, or telling a bunch of the fellas, you know, oh, we're going to have sex talk with the fellas. | ||
| Oh, I like to fuck my wife, huh? | ||
| The friction of her vagina makes me just splooch, huh? | ||
| Right, guys? | ||
| And everybody's like... | ||
| Everyone's like, oh, we're sick of fucking our wives. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I just don't relate to that joke that you made. | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| That's so sweet. | ||
| Yeah, what a fucking strange guy. | ||
| He might be one of the strangest guys of all time. | ||
| I wish he would just, like, come clean. | ||
| Like, one day, just sit down and just be, like, give him some ecstasy. | ||
| And have him just talk about who he is. | ||
| Like, I don't even know who the fuck I am. | ||
| I mean, I've been in Scientology for so long. | ||
| I fucked, like, 13 guys last year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
13. I'm always worried they're gonna tell. | |
| I'm always worried they're gonna tell. | ||
| Well, he did Chris Hardwick's podcast, right? | ||
| He did? | ||
| He did a one-on-one interview. | ||
| He did? | ||
| I haven't listened to that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Recently? | ||
| I wish you could get him on here, because you get in, but I don't think you could pierce that impenetrable layer. | ||
| I think he would be fake with you, too. | ||
| But even if he's fake, you find out if he's fake. | ||
| You find some stuff. | ||
| You still pierce. | ||
| He was telling Chris, like, I love movies. | ||
| You know, I'm passionate about movies. | ||
| And Chris goes, oh, yeah? | ||
| Like, what are some of your favorite movies? | ||
| This is how politically, like, constructed he is. | ||
| He goes, yeah, just movies. | ||
| All movies. | ||
| All movies. | ||
| Like, he was such a political being. | ||
| They're all the same. | ||
| But they're all the same. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's no difference. | |
| The biggest movie star couldn't pick three movies that have inspired him. | ||
| Because he didn't want to pick a Spielberg, a Bruckheimer, and a blah blah blah because then he'd piss off Coppola and Scorsese. | ||
| It's all a construct. | ||
| God, I want to meet him. | ||
| I can't believe he did Chris's. | ||
| That's so cool. | ||
| You should have him on the show. | ||
| You could get him. | ||
| I got faith you could get him. | ||
| I've had this guy on, Ron Miskovich, who's David Miskovich's dad. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Oh, so you can't have him on. | ||
| Who's the head of Scientology. | ||
| And I had Leah Remini on. | ||
| You had Leah Remini on? | ||
| Yeah, and we talked for three hours about how crazy her life in Scientology was. | ||
| You're a classic SP. There's no way you're getting, Tom. | ||
| I'm a suppressive person. | ||
| Although I'm not. | ||
| I'm just misunderstood. | ||
| I gotta say, though, the more I learn about the Catholic faith and all these, like... | ||
| Kid fuckers keep coming out, the more I'm like, that's the worst one. | ||
| Did you see the new one? | ||
| Keepers? | ||
| No, the new... | ||
| Oh, that Australian guy? | ||
| There's 8,000 cases of child molesting that they just uncovered. | ||
| I mean, let's just shut down that religion. | ||
| Was it Catholic child molestation? | ||
| Well, priests are Catholics. | ||
| No, no, I'm not doing a bit. | ||
| But all 8,000 of it was connected to the church? | ||
| Jamie will find it. | ||
| I mean, I didn't even read it because I looked at the headline and I first thought it was, duh... | ||
| And second thought was, ugh, I just can't. | ||
| I mean, it's so much worse than making someone believe they can get acting work, like whatever Scientology does. | ||
| The Catholic religion is like, they're fucking little girls and boys and It's permanently ruining their lives, making them have terrible flashbacks, making them have wide chunks of memory that they just don't remember, and they do remember, and it's just the worst thing you can do. | ||
| And having sexual problems, I'm not Catholic, I'm Jewish now. | ||
| Well, you know, the Pope, the last Pope, Ratzinger, that guy, one of the reasons why he had to step down was because they found out that he was one of the guys that used to move people around. | ||
| He was one of the guys, when someone would get caught molesting children, he would move them to a new precinct or whatever the fuck they would... | ||
| What do you call it? | ||
| That's what takes your breath away. | ||
| We live actually right next to a former rehabilitation center for wayward priests on our street in LA. And I was like, oh, I always thought, oh, wayward priests. | ||
| Like, I wonder what that means. | ||
| And then after we saw that movie Spotlight, we looked it up, and that's exactly where they were housing... | ||
| It was one of the places they were housing the molesters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Spotlight makes this really interesting point about the church, which is that the commonly held sort of folk belief about the Catholic Church is that when you take away someone's ability to have sex, you will concentrate their sex drive and pervert it, and you'll become a child molester. | ||
| And with Spotlight, the movie sort of point that it makes is it's the other way around, is that basically when you're a child molester, you go to the church because you know they'll give you a haven. | ||
| See, I don't think that's true, though. | ||
| Like, it is hard to become a priest. | ||
| You have to, like, study scripture for... | ||
| I mean, how long is seminary school? | ||
| It's easy to molest a child. | ||
| You gotta groom them. | ||
| You gotta hang out. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I just don't know how true that is. | ||
| So Ratzinger moved a guy that went on to molest 100 deaf kids. | ||
| Yeah, I saw this documentary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait, why deaf kids? | |
| Because they couldn't talk about it. | ||
| They can sign! | ||
| Yeah, but no one's gonna listen to them. | ||
| It's not like they can just start talking. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I mean, he was working with deaf kids, like deaf orphans. | ||
| Well, it's not that nobody would listen to a deaf person. | ||
| This is how scams work, too. | ||
| But it's one step removed. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It's one more... | ||
| A little easier. | ||
| What you want as a predator is the most vulnerable person that you can be predatory towards. | ||
| Like in the documentary Keepers, it wasn't until this girl came to the priest and said, I actually have been molested. | ||
| He was like, oh, you have, have you? | ||
| And then he started molesting her. | ||
| But he waited for her to come in. | ||
| It was in confession. | ||
| He found that she was weak. | ||
| So she was weak, and then that's who he picked. | ||
| So it's like... | ||
| I remember these Nigerian... | ||
| That's psychotic. | ||
| It's insane, yeah. | ||
| But that's what they want. | ||
| The child molester loves the weak and vulnerable. | ||
| Because if they go to a strong, confident child who they know will just be like, if you touch me, I'll tell my fucking dad and he'll kill you. | ||
| That's why I wasn't molested. | ||
| They were like, that girl's got a big mouth. | ||
| Do not touch her. | ||
| Also, though, I've seen your baby pictures. | ||
| You weren't a hot kid. | ||
| I was! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was! | |
| And I was always trying to, yeah. | ||
| But it's very much always boys, right? | ||
| No, it's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's very rarely girls. | |
| No, you gotta watch the keepers. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's girls and boys. | ||
| It's like who... | ||
| I've only seen documentaries on boys. | ||
| But the boys thing is weird, but I do believe there's a math to suppressing someone's sexuality, and then it's just going to come out in these other ways. | ||
| Well, I think that also, orientation is spread equally across monsters. | ||
| Sexual orientation, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I think. | ||
| I don't even know. | ||
| Are you even gay if you're a child molester that likes little boys? | ||
| Is that even gay? | ||
| That seems like a third thing. | ||
| You're not even in a sexual zone anymore. | ||
| Now you're in a pathology zone. | ||
| But since the cases are so, there's just so many cases, like maybe we should just let priests get married. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A hundred percent. | |
| Something needs to change. | ||
| Well, they used to be able to, but they were rock stars. | ||
| The problem was back in the days, like during the Lutheran days, when Martin Luther was around, priests controlled everything. | ||
| I mean, they fucked everybody's wives. | ||
| Really? | ||
| The Pope had wives and children. | ||
| Popes had wives. | ||
| They had children. | ||
| They had money. | ||
| They had armies. | ||
| The Roman Catholic Pope controlled armies. | ||
| You know, like, they controlled troops. | ||
| Like, it was a totally different scene. | ||
| And then somewhere along the line, there were fucking so many women. | ||
| They were like, hey, here's a new rule. | ||
| If you're going to be a priest, you can't fuck any chicks. | ||
| And then just the whole thing went haywire. | ||
| Does anybody know why that happened? | ||
| Why the changeover happened? | ||
| Because they were rock stars. | ||
| Because they were banging everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm sorry. | |
| Why they made them not rock stars. | ||
| Okay, because they were too irresponsible. | ||
| This is what I've read. | ||
| What I've read is that there was a real concern amongst people that were under the tutelage of these priests that these guys were out of control. | ||
| They were just banging everybody. | ||
| Find out what was the reason. | ||
| And that's why they made them not able to... | ||
| That's so interesting. | ||
| I wonder what year do you think that is? | ||
| It wasn't that long ago. | ||
| I think it was like a thousand years ago. | ||
| It might have been less. | ||
| That's so interesting. | ||
| I think it was less than a thousand years ago because I know that during the Genghis Khan era, the Pope still had armies. | ||
| And I think they were still allowed to be married and have children. | ||
| Oh, and I bet they were using their religious status to abuse their power. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Probably women would fall for them, too. | ||
| Think about it. | ||
| If there's no musicians, there's no comedians, there's no actors, who are the hoes going to go The hoes are going to go straight to the priests. | ||
| They go to the jesters though. | ||
| They had comics back then. | ||
| But it was to do with like a floppy hat. | ||
| Yeah, but they were like cruise ship comics. | ||
| They couldn't get out of line at all. | ||
| They got killed. | ||
| They were still rock stars. | ||
| They were just like had white hair and played the piano. | ||
| What's the deal with the latrine that you have to shit in? | ||
| What is the deal with Cornish game hen? | ||
| The white hair played the piano that was later. | ||
| That was like the renaissance. | ||
| This is like a dude plucking a lute. | ||
| I'd like to find out. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| A harp. | ||
| I want to have a timeline of what was the year. | ||
| There is this idea that the guy, the itinerant singer that would come to town and pluck the lute and tell the tale was always fucking everybody everywhere he went through town. | ||
| That's got to be who we all came from. | ||
| It was like Robert Plant. | ||
| We came from the Jesters. | ||
| That's rock star versus comedian. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We were the people who would come in on a wagon. | ||
| Yeah, like juggling balls of manure. | ||
| Like, the king has the ears of an ass. | ||
| I would hit you on the head with a baguette. | ||
| Comedians. | ||
| Do you think that you guys have genetic ancestry to former comedians? | ||
| I believe in that more than Moshe does. | ||
| Do you believe in it? | ||
| I just feel like I have a blood memory. | ||
| For example, I do think there are people in comedy who are doing it because that's where the energy is right now, and they're just trying to make money. | ||
| Right, actors. | ||
| Yeah, or whoever. | ||
| I think it's moved beyond that. | ||
| Now it's like everybody that would have been a DJ when I was like 17 is now a comedian. | ||
| Right, there is a lot of that. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Does it bother you guys? | ||
| I don't really care. | ||
| I mean, I think you just have to focus on yourself. | ||
| It doesn't bother me. | ||
| I think it's cool because when you go big, then the 10% of geniuses that wouldn't have started if it wasn't cool will start. | ||
| And then the 90% of people that were going to be garbage, they don't matter. | ||
| Damn, 90-10, huh? | ||
| Probably less. | ||
| Probably 99.1. | ||
| No, you think? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of genius. | |
| A person that starts comedy to becoming like a... | ||
| Forget genius. | ||
| A person that starts comedy, does a set at an open mic, to becomes one of the great comedians, even in the top 10% of comedians, that's got to be 1%. | ||
| I don't know if my math works. | ||
| But the problem with it is, like you say, once they start, because the 99.9% that start never even make it. | ||
| That's part of it. | ||
| Yeah, but it's like the 0.1% that actually become professional comedians. | ||
| How many people out of your group of open micers that you used to hang with? | ||
| How many are still doing stand-up? | ||
| This is a bad ratio because how many of them have a TV show? | ||
| All of them. | ||
| Things have changed. | ||
| Like, it's easier to be famous now, so your ratios are a little off. | ||
| With open mic nights? | ||
| From open micers? | ||
| Well, yeah, no. | ||
| The numbers are very... | ||
| I remember when I first started, like, I would have let a man fuck me 50 times to get, like, a Montreal spot. | ||
| And now it's like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
50? | |
| Yeah, 50 times. | ||
| I've thought about it a lot, and they would rub my back very gently and smoothly. | ||
| What about a big man like Alonzo Bowden? | ||
| Okay, he could do 25 times. | ||
| Dude, I looked at Alonzo Bowden's fingers once, and I was like, there are men with dicks smaller than your finger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, for sure. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| I see him online. | ||
| There's men with dicks smaller than your finger. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, well, that's rough, if that's true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Anyway, Alonzo, if you're listening, every time I look at your hands, all I think of is dicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Small dicks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| No more. | ||
| But my point was, oh, is that I would have done anything for a Montreal spot or a spot on The Tonight Show. | ||
| And now there's young comics who are like, nah, I'm not really trying to be a second lead on a show right now. | ||
| I'm really waiting around for my vehicle. | ||
| Things have changed. | ||
| I dated a girl that was like that. | ||
| She was like, I don't want to do TV. I'm holding out for film. | ||
| Because I was on a television show at the time and she was saying that she didn't want to do TV. It's like it was beneath her. | ||
| Oh, and you're doing TV at the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Was that news radio? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I took an acting class with Paris Hilton and the teacher was like, who wants to do TV? And everyone raised their hand except her and he was like, who wants to do just movies? | ||
| And Paris Hilton raised her hand. | ||
| Of course, she wants to be legit. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| That was the thing in the 90s. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| Do you know that Paris Hilton is one of the top highest paid DJs in the world? | ||
| She can't have good taste in music. | ||
| She's not a DJ. She also has like 20 perfumes. | ||
| I think comics that suck should go into DJing. | ||
| It seems like it's an open market. | ||
| It seems like you just dominate if you have half a sense of entertainment. | ||
| Oh yeah, who's that guy who's got a billboard on Sunset? | ||
| Mocha's like, he is like DJing at a swimming pool in Las Vegas. | ||
| Oh, it was a huge, famous celebrity DJ. You know how in LA you'll always know what's happening in Vegas. | ||
| Like Paul Harris or one of those guys. | ||
| And it was literally, you look down and it's like Vegas Swim Club. | ||
| It's like he's DJing a pool. | ||
| But those pools will have 15,000 people stuffed into the area going crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a sex party. | |
| I mean, if I was a horny dude, that's probably where I would hang out. | ||
| What about a horny girl? | ||
| No, I would not hang out there. | ||
| She's on her way. | ||
| She's going. | ||
| We're stopping there on the honeymoon tour. | ||
| Just wear a Nixon mask and just go crazy. | ||
| A Nixon mask. | ||
| With like a beautiful naked woman body. | ||
| Yes, with a Nixon mask on. | ||
| I heard that they recently, this could be bullshit, started making more money on their nightclubs than on the casinos. | ||
| That's gotta be true. | ||
| It may be. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what the numbers are, but I would imagine they make a lot of money on the casinos. | ||
| Well, because there's people like... | ||
| What's up? | ||
| I just heard John Taffer, that guy that does Bar Rescue, talking about it on another interview. | ||
| He said they'll go in on Friday night and make about $500,000 for their club show and then wake up the next morning and do the pool at noon for $150,000 and leave in the afternoon. | ||
| We're talking about the actual performers. | ||
| We're talking about the club itself. | ||
| We're talking about the casino. | ||
| That the casino makes more money. | ||
| But imagine that. | ||
| If the DJ makes $650,000 for a weekend, you've got to multiply that by, what, 20, 100%. | ||
| Well, then they have the odd person, like, I am on that show Dice about Andrew Dice Clay. | ||
| Have you ever had him do the show? | ||
| Oh, many dice! | ||
| So, as you know, I mean, I didn't know that this was a real thing, but in the show, the whole premise is that he's paying off his gambling debt to the casino because it's like $800,000 and it's the only way he can pay it back. | ||
| But that's a true story. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was in debt. | ||
| Like, he would lose $800,000 in one night. | ||
| So as long as they have people like that, they must be making a lot of money, right? | ||
| Yeah, there's always going to be people like that. | ||
| There's always, like, the old lady, like, putting in nickels, but then there's also, like, Dice... | ||
| But you also have to think, like, how much money does it cost to run a casino? | ||
| The overhead is insane. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They also exist in this odd, like, Venn diagram of, like, a legal business and an old-world, like, criminal enterprise. | ||
| And I don't mean that in a mafia way. | ||
| Like, don't they have, like, India? | ||
| Like, why is it even legal for them? | ||
| For them to let someone rack up an $800,000 debt. | ||
| Like, a normal business business would say, sir, you're $20 over your limit, so we're going to... | ||
| They just know he's got credit. | ||
| He's dice. | ||
| He's going to make money. | ||
| My grandfather, he gambled away the deed to his house at the Riviera. | ||
| And they just lost my nana's wedding ring. | ||
| And then someone told me when I was at Foxwoods, because I was performing, and they said that at Mohegan Sun, they're like, yeah, it's gotten really bad at Mohegan Sun. | ||
| When you gamble away your car, they won't even give you a ride home. | ||
| But we at Foxwoods are giving people rides home. | ||
| Like, it's happening, like, people are just like, they run out of money, and they're like, okay, I can win it all back if I just sell the car. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then the car's gone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Here's what's interesting, though. | ||
| If you win, they ban you. | ||
| Like, my friend Dana... | ||
| Like, how is that legal? | ||
| If you lose, they give you right home. | ||
| Dana White is a notorious gambler, but he wins millions of dollars sometimes. | ||
| He's won... | ||
| I think he said he lost as much as one million dollars, and he's won as much as seven million in a month. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Has he gotten banned from places? | ||
| He couldn't. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's a celebrity. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| Dude, not only does he get banned, but he gets banned and then he pulls the UFC out of them. | ||
| Like, they used to do UFC at the Palms, and he killed the Palms, and the Palms banned him, so he's like, fuck you. | ||
| I'll ban you. | ||
| We're gonna move to the Hard Rock, or wherever the hell they move to next. | ||
| But yeah, they banned him from a bunch of casinos, because he's really good at blackjack. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What's the minimum bet for the Dana White blackjack? | ||
| I wish I knew. | ||
| That sounds fucking crazy. | ||
| How is that legal to ban someone once they win at the thing you're saying? | ||
| Because I'm saying these casinos are not fully legal. | ||
| They're like in this weird area. | ||
| They reserve the right to ban you if you kick their ass, which is crazy. | ||
| Can they say you're card counting or something? | ||
| You're not card counting. | ||
| I mean, even if you are, it doesn't matter. | ||
| It's legal. | ||
| I mean, you can do whatever the fuck you want, I think. | ||
| I think as long as it's on your head. | ||
| If you're not using a calculator or something. | ||
| It's technically within the rules of the game, because your job is to sit down and... | ||
| I guess card counting... | ||
| What does that mean, though? | ||
| You're supposed to not know? | ||
| Say if you have knowledge, you're supposed to ignore it? | ||
| Right, if you know how to count cards... | ||
| That's so stupid. | ||
| It's like a girl going to a bar and watching a guy roofie her drink. | ||
| Oh, can't pay attention to that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not the rules. | |
| You know what the fucking rules are, right? | ||
| The rules are, if you know how many decks they're using, and you know when to hit and when not to hit, and just play it smart and count... | ||
| And think and calculate. | ||
| It's a bad example with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Also, what drives... | |
| Why does Dana White... | ||
| It was a reach, right? | ||
| Why does Dana... | ||
| The roofie thing? | ||
| We all accepted it. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| It's your house. | ||
| We were like, uh-huh, Joe, you got that. | ||
| Yeah, but I was like, hmm, it's probably not good. | ||
| Why does Dana White gamble? | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Or who's the famous basketball player? | ||
| Oh, Charles Barkley. | ||
| What drives those people? | ||
| They're so rich. | ||
| Drills. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Also, people that have been hit in the head a lot. | ||
| Dana's been hit in the head a lot. | ||
| Notoriously impulsive and notoriously susceptible to addiction, whether it's gambling addiction, alcohol addiction. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's a big part of CTE, chronic traumatic encephalacy, which you see, I think I said it right. | ||
| That's brain damage from getting hit in the head. | ||
| A big part of it... | ||
| Is he a fighter or something? | ||
| He was. | ||
| Did a lot of boxing when he was young. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Has dome rattled again at times. | ||
| Got that dome rattled. | ||
| You're not supposed to get punched in the head ever, right? | ||
| You're definitely not supposed to get punched in the head multiple times a day for years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For work. | |
| What about, like, you train, right? | ||
| I don't do any kickboxing sparring anymore. | ||
| At all. | ||
| No. | ||
| Because of that. | ||
| Yeah, and even in jujitsu, you like slam into someone's knee accidentally or a head. | ||
| You get your head bonked. | ||
| You don't wrap. | ||
| But it's not that common. | ||
| But when I was kickboxing, boy, I got hit in the head a lot. | ||
| To the point where sometimes I think about some of the decisions I've made. | ||
| I'm like, what's going on in there? | ||
| What screws are loose? | ||
| Even with headgear, you're saying you're still... | ||
| Oh, it's worse. | ||
| Headgear's worse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| I don't watch a lot. | ||
| Because headgear, it actually makes an artificial lever. | ||
| Like say if your head is this large, it means if you clip it here, it's got more of a fulcrum effect. | ||
| Whereas if your head is smaller and compact, then you just take it here. | ||
| So Richard Nixon mask would be bad because he had a big old chin. | ||
| Knock him loose a little bit. | ||
| It depends on how thick the rubber is in the mask. | ||
| But the idea is not necessarily just the initial impact. | ||
| It's how much your head moves. | ||
| Like the stronger your neck is, the less likely you are to get brain damage. | ||
| So these guys do a lot of neck exercises just to keep their head stable when it gets hit. | ||
| The idea is like the more your head moves, the more your brain is going to swish around inside your dome. | ||
| And break off the connective tissue. | ||
| That's also part of the problem, is connective tissue, this really soft, almost like cotton candy-like tissue that connects your brain to the skull. | ||
| That stuff gets ripped up. | ||
| Would you rather be a NFL, whatever the guy that... | ||
| Linebacker? | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Or a long-term... | ||
| Prizefighter. | ||
| Long-term prizefighter, for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because long-term prizefighters can get through it. | ||
| Like, there's guys like Bernard Hopkins that, you know, fought into his 50s who speaks well, you know? | ||
| See, the problem is, even guys that speak well, there's the weird shit that they do, the impulsive stuff. | ||
| If you talk to people that are CTE experts, they tell you some really disturbing things about brain damage, about how it manifests itself and the weird things that men find themselves doing. | ||
| They don't even know why they're doing it. | ||
| They're just doing it. | ||
| And, like, real impulsive behavior and just stomping on the gas on the highway and just, like, weird gambling stuff and sex stuff and drug stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And a lot of it is connected to CTE. What if you looked over and Natasha was crying, looking at me? | |
| No, I just... | ||
| When I see Moshe... | ||
| When I see Moshe watching, is it MMA, like where they're like doing 69 and just writhing? | ||
| You know what they're doing? | ||
| They're writhing? | ||
| Yeah, it's like they're just like, like one's got the head in his dick and then the other one's got his head in his dick and they just kind of like writhe back and forth. | ||
| You know Joe's like one of the main commentators for the UFC. No, I know. | ||
| I still don't understand it. | ||
| And that's what you say, right? | ||
| Oh, he's got his head in his dick and they're writhing, folks. | ||
| Sometimes I have said things along those lines. | ||
| It's an odd sport, you have to understand. | ||
| From a woman who's not into sports and then sees that, it's like I don't understand it. | ||
| She comes in and she says always, derisively, did your team win? | ||
| I'm like, there are no teams. | ||
| You do on purpose. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I mean, I'm just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There you go. | |
| And they're barefoot, like they maybe have been fucking. | ||
| That's the video game. | ||
| Yeah, the video game lets you get a little gayer than the actual sport does. | ||
| Yeah, that one, that's a good one. | ||
| You can actually fuck a guy. | ||
| Those are women though, aren't they? | ||
| That's a great game. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| No, that looks like a dude. | ||
| That's a dude caught in a triangle. | ||
| So it's people who don't care about brain damage though? | ||
| Why is that funny? | ||
| Don't you think that's important? | ||
| They don't care about the cartilage that connects their head? | ||
| It's not cartilage. | ||
| It's connective tissue. | ||
| It's not that they don't care. | ||
| It's just that this is something that they started doing when they were young. | ||
| They got really good at it, and they see it as a path to make a career. | ||
| And they like thrills. | ||
| They like doing things dangerous and exciting. | ||
| Some of them just accept the risks. | ||
| And some of them say, I would rather live a dangerous life that's exciting than a really fucking boring life sitting on the couch atrophying. | ||
| I can respect that. | ||
| I mean, of course. | ||
| This is funny, though. | ||
| This is like going on Da Vinci's podcast and being like, I don't know about this art stuff! | ||
| I mean, Joe can take it. | ||
| I'm just saying what my perspective is when I see it. | ||
| But now you put it like that, too. | ||
| It's like, what's the alternative? | ||
| Get a job in a factory? | ||
| We all die. | ||
| I mean, this is temporary. | ||
| This is not going to last, right? | ||
| So for them, it's like, how am I going to use my meat vehicle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And am I going to use it for fun and just go crazy? | ||
| And I mean, that's the thought process behind it. | ||
| It's like, yep, I know I'm doing damage to it. | ||
| And, you know, I know a lot of guys that I've known when they were in their prime where they were just killing everybody. | ||
| And now they are broken. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They're broken. | ||
| I know guys who can't even brush their teeth. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Their shoulders are so shot, they have to brush their teeth left-handed and they suck at it. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And how old are they? | ||
| In their 30s. | ||
| What?! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There is something about the human animal that wants... | ||
| It's an interesting facet of humanity that wants to achieve greatness. | ||
| For some reason. | ||
| The glory of winning in that too is also directly related to the danger of doing it. | ||
| It's like there's something dangerous about it that makes it super exciting if you pull it off. | ||
| Winning a fight is a crazy feeling. | ||
| It's even more than... | ||
| Because you're making all these other people happy, too. | ||
| Because people have voted on... | ||
| How do you do it? | ||
| You vote on them? | ||
| Root for you or whatever. | ||
| You bet on them. | ||
| But people... | ||
| I mean, it's so many people... | ||
| I've noticed so many people get... | ||
| Their mood is changed if their team wins. | ||
| That's the problem with MMA though. | ||
| When Chuck Liddell started losing is when I realized MMA is not a good sport for having to have your guy win. | ||
| Because eventually your guy will always lose. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Always. | ||
| Because they'll get older. | ||
| That's like just the inevitable reality. | ||
| As opposed to a team that swaps people out. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Keeps it young and good. | ||
| Your team can always be a winner. | ||
| But if you root for one fighter, that fighter will get old and the young people will come in. | ||
| And by old, it's like 38? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, that's way old. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| 38 is way old. | ||
| So like 32 or something. | ||
| Especially now with drug testing. | ||
| It used to be back in the day that when you would get tested, it was really like they would say it's like an intelligence test. | ||
| It's more than a drug test. | ||
| Like, just don't take anything the remaining few days before your test. | ||
| And they're just testing your pee for, like, really obvious stuff. | ||
| But now it's super comprehensive. | ||
| And they use USADA, the U.S. Anti-Doping Association. | ||
| And they fucking crawl up your ass with a microscope. | ||
| They wake you up. | ||
| Checking for what? | ||
| Do people watch you pee? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They are in the room with you. | ||
| Look at your dick, because guys have used rubber dicks. | ||
| Yeah, I went to rehab when I was a kid, so I knew all the tricks. | ||
| The whizenators. | ||
| Or you'd get your homie to piss into a bag, and you'd have the bag in your pocket. | ||
| But what kind of drugs are MMA people doing? | ||
| Steroids. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| It's not like... | ||
| You're so hilarious. | ||
| You know nothing about it. | ||
| Like, well, that doesn't even make sense. | ||
| Why test him for drugs? | ||
| Isn't that illegal? | ||
| Isn't it illegal? | ||
| So they're all doing... | ||
| Why would they do it if it's illegal? | ||
| Joe, I gotta say, your impression of Natasha is spot on. | ||
| I don't even understand! | ||
| What are the rules? | ||
| You're allowed to do illegal drugs or no? | ||
| Now I'm horny. | ||
| Okay, hold on. | ||
| I just thought that people had, you know, standards and that they wouldn't do that. | ||
| But you're saying they would all do it if they could. | ||
| No, not all. | ||
| There's definitely a core group of champions who have never thought about taking drugs and still don't. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| The problem with steroids is... | ||
| There's a lot to do. | ||
| The problem with steroids also is that when one person starts doing it, the person beneath him will lose or has to be pressured to do it. | ||
| And so it creates this like... | ||
| I'm sorry if people out there are upset that I'm not a sports fan. | ||
| Don't think about them. | ||
| Let's just talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Be yourself. | |
| I do believe that's what's holding us back. | ||
| You do you, Natasha. | ||
| Don't sweat it. | ||
| You do? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I mean, I'm just like not. | ||
| You think sports are holding us back? | ||
| No. | ||
| As humans? | ||
| Is that what you mean? | ||
| I think she's doing a bit. | ||
| What's elevating us? | ||
| If that's holding us back, what's elevating us? | ||
| I just think making sports like our main thing. | ||
| I hate when sports are on in any sort of public establishment. | ||
| I think it's aesthetically. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| Okay, I won't go into it. | ||
| Nothing wrong with it. | ||
| Go ahead, be yourself. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| You don't like when you see sports in an establishment. | ||
| I find it depressing. | ||
| Depressing. | ||
| What about Law& Order when you watch that? | ||
| That's not depressing? | ||
| That's like one notch down, but very depressing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about CSI? Oh, I love CSI. They pull the head off the carpet and the blood sticking to the head. | |
| It's been dead for hours. | ||
| Natasha, I will say, is extremely connected to aesthetics. | ||
| More than any human being I've ever met in my life. | ||
| I think tennis is a nice aesthetic. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Aesthetics. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So that's a sport. | ||
| I know. | ||
| That's okay. | ||
| I think a tennis match, yeah, I could handle that. | ||
| Why is that okay? | ||
| Honestly, because I like how they dress. | ||
| What about basketball? | ||
| No. | ||
| I hate those long shorts. | ||
| You don't like black people? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't like baseball or football. | ||
| That's what I mean by aesthetics. | ||
| You hate when there's a darker aesthetic. | ||
| Black people play tennis. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a couple of chicks. | ||
| They're really good at it. | ||
| It's not a common thing, though. | ||
| It's probably because I grew up and I was always the last to get picked for sports because I'm so small. | ||
| So maybe that's why I hate it. | ||
| You're so tiny. | ||
| If you really want to go deep. | ||
| When I hug you, I'm always worried I'm going to break you. | ||
| You weigh like 80 pounds. | ||
| How much do you weigh? | ||
| I weigh 105. You do not. | ||
| I'm not that small. | ||
| Come on, you do not weigh 100 pounds. | ||
| You're lying to yourself. | ||
| Do you weigh yourself in with clothes on? | ||
| No, I do. | ||
| I mean, I'm not like that skinny. | ||
| I'm just small. | ||
| She weighs 105 while we fuck. | ||
| And it's 100 when we're not fucking. | ||
| I have a five pound dick. | ||
| I mean, and I didn't want to mention that. | ||
| I asked Natasha not to bring it out, but it needs to be said. | ||
| Yeah, I've got an Alonzo Bowden. | ||
| Two Alonzo Bowdens. | ||
| I don't know what I'm talking about. | ||
| Four Alonzo Bowden fingers. | ||
| I'm just teasing you about the sports. | ||
| No, you don't have to tease me. | ||
| I don't like sports. | ||
| I also don't like video games. | ||
| The only thing I watch is fighting. | ||
| I literally don't watch sports. | ||
| I don't even know the rules. | ||
| You don't like any sport other than MMA and boxing? | ||
| No, I don't watch them. | ||
| I don't even know when they're happening. | ||
| Like when someone says, oh, did you see the NBA championship game? | ||
| I'm like, oh, when was it? | ||
| And they're like, it was last night, man. | ||
| You didn't watch? | ||
| It was the thing. | ||
| The only sport I watch is MMA and have watched consistently since I was a kid is MMA and then boxing very secondarily and then I can't get into kickboxing at all. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Do you have much glory? | ||
| I've seen clips of everything. | ||
| I don't know why I can't get into it. | ||
| Because I like MMA much more than boxing. | ||
| And you'd think I would be more into kickboxing than boxing, but I'm not. | ||
| Sports just seems like men exercising. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| I know it's more than that, but that's how I see it. | ||
| If you saw opera, you'd probably be like, this just seems like fat people singing. | ||
| I've seen opera. | ||
| Do you like it? | ||
| No. | ||
| I felt like it was this antiquated form of entertainment that I watched. | ||
| I was super-duper high when I went to see it, because I knew I had to see it. | ||
| Why did you have to see it? | ||
| Oh, just I had to do a favor. | ||
| So when I went to watch it, I was like, listen, I'm just going to get a blaze out of my fucking mind. | ||
| That's a good instinct. | ||
| But what's interesting is what I really started paying attention to was all the people in the audience. | ||
| And there's like this class of people that probably live in like Bel Air and Beverly Hills and want to be seen at the opera. | ||
| And it's like a big deal to say they're going to the opera. | ||
| And I was like watching this. | ||
| I was like, they can't possibly like this. | ||
| Even if they like it, they don't like it like people like the UFC. That's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| No, that's not true. | ||
| So they're all pretending to like it? | ||
| No, there's a different level to what they like. | ||
| It's not true. | ||
| It's like sophisticated entertainment. | ||
| I mean, we went to the orchestra, the symphony recently. | ||
| Moshe hated it. | ||
| I went to the symphony when I was a kid with my grandma. | ||
| She used to take me. | ||
| And there are some bangers, you know? | ||
| Bangers. | ||
| Yeah, you know, like... | ||
| That's a hot banger. | ||
| You know that he was just in there, like, doing his thing. | ||
| But we went to see... | ||
| I don't even... | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Mahler. | ||
| And you read the description of Mahler, and it's like, laminations on death, discordant and not pleasant to listen to. | ||
| So we're going to go sit down for an hour and a half performance of, like, something that in its description is like... | ||
| Natasha, you didn't like it either, did you? | ||
| No. | ||
| And there was like, Moshe got in a fight with two different elderly people. | ||
| He tried to help this woman. | ||
| I was walking in. | ||
| People are on like double crutches. | ||
| It's so old, you can't imagine it. | ||
| It's like, it's so old and so white, it's like unbelievable. | ||
| You can't believe it, you know? | ||
| And I was walking in and this old man was sitting down. | ||
| He's like, 85. And so I told him, he started to get up to let me through. | ||
| I go, you don't need to get up. | ||
| I can kind of crawl around you. | ||
| And he goes, we're not all as young as you. | ||
| Some of us are going to die soon. | ||
| And I was like, oh, I'm trying to like, I just read the Wikipedia page. | ||
| I go like, oh, well, I guess that's what we're here to listen to, right? | ||
| And the guys, nothing, iced me out. | ||
| And I sit there like bored and the worst. | ||
| And it's got, it's the worst kind of symphony, Mahler, because it always seems like it's ending. | ||
| It'll be like, da-da-dun-dun-dun. | ||
| And you're like, cool, let's get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Dun-da-dun-dun-dun. | ||
| But then what about the old lady who yelled at you and she almost fell down the stairs? | ||
| Then as we were leaving, I was an old man and he was so feeble and wobbly that I was staring at his body like in my mind. | ||
| You ever have this kind of situation where you're like, this person's going to fall. | ||
| I can feel it in my bones way before it happened. | ||
| Or like way up on the rafters. | ||
| In the steepest possible. | ||
| And I could feel it. | ||
| Like, this guy's gonna fall. | ||
| He's too feeble. | ||
| He's too old to be ascending these stairs. | ||
| And he, sure enough, does. | ||
| He just starts to, like, tip over. | ||
| And he goes for it. | ||
| Because I was already, like, looking at him, I grabbed him by, like, the top, the collar, and the bottom of his jacket. | ||
| And I just, like, held him upright. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And he fucking, like, just, like, shrugged me off of him. | ||
| Gave me a dirty look and stormed off. | ||
| And I was like, I just saved your fucking life, you old bitch. | ||
| He wanted to go. | ||
| Maybe he wanted to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Maybe he was a good way to go. | ||
| He's like, I listen to Mahler. | ||
| I listen to Mahler. | ||
| I'm out. | ||
| Depressing shit. | ||
| Pretends he slips. | ||
| Listen to his wife complaining about her stool. | ||
| I saw more blood in my stool. | ||
| He's like, I'm just gonna fall. | ||
| You know what my grandma... | ||
| It's glorious. | ||
| I'm on a good steep angle. | ||
| Do I know your grandma? | ||
| No, what she said to me on her deathbed, like days before she died, she looked at me and she said, if there is a God, he saves the worst part of your life for the very end. | ||
| I was like, bye! | ||
| I've been thinking about that because I was like going into like an old person's home seems so depressing like I would never want to do that to go away from your Your stuff in your house, you know, like I'm just trying to think what's the best way to go I think old people by themselves in a home alone Super depressing too Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I lived in New York when I first moved there. | ||
| I stayed with my grandparents in New Jersey, and my grandmother had had an aneurysm. | ||
| They gave her 72 hours to live. | ||
| She lived 12 years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| How were those 12 years? | ||
| Rough. | ||
| I was only there living with them for a few months. | ||
| I think I lived there for maybe five months, six months, but it was bad. | ||
| It was bad. | ||
| Like, my grandfather, they had a nun or a nun. | ||
| A nurse would come over, and they would help, but this, like, She would have horrible bed sores. | ||
| She couldn't move. | ||
| She was paralyzed. | ||
| She was completely vegetabilized. | ||
| No, she would talk a little bit when her teeth were falling out. | ||
| They had all fallen out. | ||
| Did she want to live at that point? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| But I do think the two main ways to die are to have a deathbed. | ||
| That seems kind of glamorous because then you could call people to you and give them wisdom and have last words. | ||
| No, but if you die in an accident, then you never get to have any of that. | ||
| No, but the third way... | ||
| You can't have, like, those funny last words. | ||
| Wait, the third way, what is your bit about your grandma on her deathbed? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| Oh, the third way, though, is to go mad and to shit your pants and to... | ||
| Oh, my grandma didn't die like that, though. | ||
| That's just a joke. | ||
| My grandma did. | ||
| My grandma's great fear her entire life was becoming a feeble, senile person that was babbling to herself. | ||
| And, of course, it came true. | ||
| Because the only way to avoid that is to have a heart attack or an accident. | ||
| I feel bad that I say that about my nana. | ||
| It's just a dumb joke. | ||
| Well, you know, they have assisted death now in California, and 11 people did it on like the first day. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Check, please. | ||
| 11 people did it on the first day? | ||
| Yeah, which I absolutely believe in. | ||
| I mean, I think, God damn it, why do we need to have people die of natural causes when they're horribly suffering and on their way out? | ||
| What if they're depressed? | ||
| That's a good question, right? | ||
| It's like, what is suffering? | ||
| If you're physically fine, you have a 70 beats per minute resting heart rate, you have no cancer, but you just... | ||
| Five pound dick. | ||
| Every day, five pound dick. | ||
| Every day, hating life. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| In Scandinavia, where they've had euthanasia for a long time, they've started to accept that. | ||
| A person who's suffering from chronic depression can opt out and take assisted suicide as a means to escape their depression. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Isn't a part of the problem with chronic depressions, like, we don't know what they're feeling? | ||
| Like, if you have a broken arm, like, okay, I broke my arm. | ||
| I kind of get it. | ||
| But if someone says, I have chronic depression, I was like, okay, what does it feel like? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what your depression is. | ||
| And your chronic depression might be different than another person's and another person's. | ||
| And how do you know that it can't be turned around with a pill or with exercise and diet? | ||
| And if you did turn it around, like, I have friends that were suicidal, and now they're super happy. | ||
| Well, the problem is one of the main tenets of depression is hopelessness. | ||
| So if you can't feel at all hopeful, how are you ever going to try to get your way out? | ||
| Another strange thing about mental illness, in my experience, and I have a lot of it in my family, Uh, and is that it always looked, not always, but it off, except for schizophrenia and stuff looks obviously like that person's sick and can't help it. | ||
| But with depression or alcoholism, that kind of thing, it always feels like you could act differently. | ||
| If you just tried a little bit harder, you could not be doing this. | ||
| You could be less depressed. | ||
| You could go apply for a job. | ||
| You could get up. | ||
| It looks Schizophrenia is like a... | ||
| Schizophrenia you can see is impossible, but it looks to the normal brain like close enough to normal that they could just change their circumstance if only they tried harder. | ||
| And mental illness is maybe the inability to try harder. | ||
| So it's very seductive to the normal brain to think of mentally ill people as like lazy or not trying to get better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just think it's one of those very odd things to quantify. | ||
| Almost impossible. | ||
| Like, I don't know what you're feeling, you know? | ||
| And what is, like, what's normal for some people? | ||
| You know, and, like, some people are just ecstatic all the time. | ||
| Like, what is normal for them? | ||
| And also, antidepressants are like literally just a chemical experiment with somebody's brain. | ||
| Like, oh, if I tinkle this and do this. | ||
| Yeah, but I know people who, ever since they started taking antidepressants, it's changed their life and their lives way better. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Have you ever taken, either of you ever taken an antidepressant? | ||
| No. | ||
| Someone gave me some Adderall once. | ||
| That's not the same. | ||
| I was on antidepressants when I was a kid, when I was like 13, 12 year old. | ||
| Do you remember your personality changing? | ||
| I remember my brain doing things to me that I didn't like. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| Physically, like I started to see things in the horizon of my vision. | ||
| I started to feel like less hungry. | ||
| Wait, what is see things in the horizon of your vision? | ||
| Oh, like actual apparitions? | ||
| Not apparitions, like sort of hallucinogenic fractal situations, you know? | ||
| I started to see that. | ||
| I could feel it tinkering with my brain. | ||
| Of course, what was happening was I was getting given antidepressants to combat being a juvenile delinquent, like druggie. | ||
|
unidentified
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And so it wasn't treating a thing that existed. | |
| So a psychiatrist gave you this? | ||
| Yeah, I was all fucked up with psychiatrists. | ||
| Psychiatrists will give you... | ||
| That's the real problem, right? | ||
| They'll give it to people that don't need it. | ||
| That's what's happening with the opioid crisis. | ||
| People will just give you OxyContin. | ||
| It just seems so crazy. | ||
| It is crazy. | ||
| This doctor told me this weekend, I was talking to a family member that's a doctor, that it takes eight days of a regimen of what's the drug in the current... | ||
| There's one drug that all the opiate addicts are getting addicted to. | ||
| It's not OxyContin? | ||
| It's not OxyContin. | ||
| Fentanyl? | ||
| Yeah, fentanyl. | ||
| Super deadly. | ||
| It takes eight days to get hooked, and a treatment regimen is something like 12 days. | ||
| So it's like everybody that's given the treatment regimen for regular pain is having to kick it when they get off, and that's why we've got a crisis. | ||
| That's incredible that eight days in, you're hooked. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| Because everybody who takes, if you break your leg or something... | ||
| They give you fentanyl? | ||
| No, I don't know why they give it to you. | ||
| Why wouldn't they just give you medical marijuana? | ||
| For a broken leg? | ||
| I don't know, for pain. | ||
| It's real simple. | ||
| I mean, you're saying it like you haven't thought it through? | ||
| Because they make a lot more money selling you something you can't get anywhere else. | ||
| I'm too naive. | ||
| Isn't that like the first rule of being a doctor? | ||
| We're not going to hurt you? | ||
| They have relationships with pharmaceutical companies. | ||
| I mean, it's a standard thing. | ||
| I don't want to believe that people are like that. | ||
| But there's also a bunch of doctors that are ignorant to the actual positive benefits of pot. | ||
| They have a negative association about pot. | ||
| People don't smoke pot. | ||
| But also, to get real, if you have a compound fracture, what you need is more than medical marijuana. | ||
| At least at first. | ||
| You don't agree with me? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| You would take... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your bone is sticking out of your leg. | |
| Yeah, it hurts. | ||
| You pop it back in, and what would you take? | ||
| Yeah, once you get the cast on it, you're fine. | ||
| You just sit there. | ||
| It sucks when you move, but you don't have to take that stuff. | ||
| You don't. | ||
| And medical marijuana, supposedly, they did a recent test and 93% of people with chronic pain preferred marijuana over opiates. | ||
| God, my mom has pain, and she's never tried drugs, and I just can't get her to try. | ||
| There's such a stigma. | ||
| She'd probably try fentanyl, because a doctor said it was okay, then marijuana. | ||
| I wish we could change the... | ||
| I am not a fan of pain pills. | ||
| I hear you. | ||
| I got my knee reconstructed, and I didn't take anything. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm like, I'm not taking them. | ||
| Well, you took marijuana, though. | ||
| No, I wasn't going to smoke a pot back then. | ||
| How much did you suffer? | ||
| It's not that bad. | ||
| It's just pain. | ||
| It depends on your tolerance for pain. | ||
| Yeah, it's the kind of pain that you just go, okay, well, that's what that feels like. | ||
| Okay, now I know what that is. | ||
| You know, back pain is one of the harder ones. | ||
| Look how many tattoos he has. | ||
| Because it's like everything you do. | ||
| That's a very overrated pain, by the way. | ||
| It doesn't hurt? | ||
| It's almost nothing. | ||
| It's like scratches. | ||
| It feels like this. | ||
| Yeah, no, I've heard people say it hurt more than anything in their life, so you're just tough. | ||
| Those people are pussies. | ||
| It doesn't hurt that much. | ||
| It just absolutely does not hurt that much. | ||
| There's spots where it's not comfortable, like bones, like elbow bone, when they go over the elbow bone. | ||
| And oddly enough, right when they get close to your chest, that's painful. | ||
| But, not childbirth. | ||
| It's fucking manageable. | ||
| You just go, woo! | ||
| I think a lot of it is just how you think about the pain. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| And you fester. | ||
| What's the most painful... | ||
| Does anyone know what the most painful thing a human being can experience is? | ||
| What's like the top threshold? | ||
| It seems to me a compound fracture is as bad as it gets, but maybe I'm told... | ||
| It just seems awful. | ||
| Burning to death probably hurts. | ||
| Broken bones suck. | ||
| A compound fracture is just a broken bone and a horrible laceration. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I guess that's true. | ||
| I had a broken arm and it wasn't that bad. | ||
| I think burning. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| Burning. | ||
| Burning is one of the most absolutely painful ones. | ||
| Burning and not burning to death. | ||
| I think that's rough. | ||
| The recovery process. | ||
| Do you know that when burn victims are in the hospital, other burn victims, random strangers, go to them and talk to them? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| My friend Zach, Zach Krager, who's from The Widest Kids You Know, and he's a successful actor. | ||
| He's on that show, Wrecked. | ||
| He told me he burned himself at a party in the Caribbean, and in the Caribbean, people would go visit, burn victims from the Caribbean would go visit him. | ||
| They're like a community, like AA or something? | ||
| Yeah, because apparently the pain is so intense and insane that they, How nice. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Let me say this now before I forget. | ||
| People who love Steve-O. Steve-O did something. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck he did. | ||
| But on his Instagram, if you're going to Denver this weekend, Steve-O's going to be in Denver. | ||
| He has horrible burns all over his body. | ||
| And he's looking for some sort of an EMT to take care of him, like someone to help him dress his wounds, because he's still going to do his shows at the Comedy Works. | ||
| What? | ||
| And apparently he won't tell the story of what happened to him, because he wants to tell it on stage. | ||
| But he put these images, we put a video of it up on Instagram, and his fucking skin is falling off of his arm. | ||
| But he's still going to do a show? | ||
| Yeah, it looks really bad. | ||
| Don't do your show, dude. | ||
| Go to the hospital. | ||
| But I also want to say to Steve-O, if you listen to this, there's a new stem cell therapy that they've created for people that have burns, where they spray stem cells all over the burn, and the healing time is radically reduced, as well as the scarring. | ||
| The scarring is radically reduced. | ||
| So he's got to look into that. | ||
| They put tilapia skin on the burn. | ||
| You heard about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Fish scales on burns apparently is one of the much, so much more healing than bandages. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| I don't know why, but it like creates this sort of, you know, skin on skin healing energy apparently. | ||
| There you go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Doctors trying orthodox prostitute burn victims using fish skin. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| Is Steve-O going to be okay? | ||
| Yeah, he's going to be okay. | ||
| But he's got, go to the Steve-O Instagram page. | ||
| So you can see it. | ||
| But the stem cell treatment is pretty radical. | ||
| Like, they've shown people with third-degree burns, they spray it on them, and in a couple of days, it's gone. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, like, literally no scar, no nothing. | ||
| It just heals. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, we're in a new world. | ||
| Not this, the next one. | ||
| The next one. | ||
| Did he take it off? | ||
| Oh wait, what about that one? | ||
| Wait a minute, he took it down? | ||
| That's a video of him getting blood poured on his face. | ||
| Oh, he took it down. | ||
| Whoa, that's crazy. | ||
| So he is telling... | ||
| He was asking for people to come and see him in Denver. | ||
| Like, all that stuff all over his body, all those, like, he showed what that looked like. | ||
| Click on that, because it just seems like, yeah, fuck, this is one video that he had... | ||
| Okay, he's not going to show anything. | ||
| But the next video, he showed what's going on under those bandages, and it's horrific. | ||
| Oh, maybe it got flagged. | ||
| What's the most painful thing you've ever experienced? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I feel like I'm so lucky. | ||
| What about you? | ||
| You got nothing? | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Your shoulder? | ||
| I'm a baby. | ||
| Her shoulder popped out in Hawaii and it was... | ||
| That was not even that painful though. | ||
| I just don't like getting blood drawn. | ||
| I felt very weak as a man at that moment. | ||
| She popped out of the ocean and her shoulder was separated. | ||
| From body surfing. | ||
| Did you get an MRI? Do you know what's going on? | ||
| Oh yeah, it was like three years ago. | ||
| It was just a dislocated... | ||
| Right, but no tearing or anything like that? | ||
| It still doesn't feel the same. | ||
| I apparently dislocated my shoulder and I didn't even know. | ||
| Weird. | ||
| I could see it physically on her body. | ||
| Although she doesn't have as much muscle as you. | ||
| But I was looking at her arm going like, I don't know what to do about that. | ||
| I don't know what I'm going to do. | ||
| I guess I could hoist her on my shoulder and walk back. | ||
| I just moved my arm and it came back. | ||
| It just popped back in. | ||
| You're supposed to, like, for some people, you're supposed to, like, lay them down and stretch their arm, like, pull it out, and then it'll fall back in. | ||
| The most I know about shoulder dislocations is from Lethal Weapon. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| So slam them up against a wall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He would do that. | ||
| He would throw it in himself. | ||
| But some people just have loose shoulders. | ||
| Like, I know some girl who, like, every time she has sex or, like, one out of five times, her shoulder becomes dislocated. | ||
| I'll be honest, Joe. | ||
| Natasha has some of the loosest shoulders in the game. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe those girls are just like drama queens. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| No, no, they always go like this and they pop their shoulder out. | ||
| Just like being hurt while they're fucking. | ||
| I'm getting a salt. | ||
| It's like a salt. | ||
| Can you imagine, though, how bad that would be if you were fucking a girl and her shoulder got dislocated? | ||
| Yeah, that would be really bad. | ||
| I'd get her some pads. | ||
| Shoulder pads. | ||
| Some shoulder pads? | ||
| Like some football pads? | ||
| Some strong support, yeah. | ||
| I do that anyway just because I like a more masculine woman, so I like her to be wearing. | ||
| Big back. | ||
| Something with a helmet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just like someone... | ||
| Give her a little TBI. Traumatic booty injury. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Man, you guys would be in jail. | ||
| It's so easy to go to jail now. | ||
| Yeah, we should be in jail just for saying this, right? | ||
| You can go to jail just for talking about it. | ||
| We're both married now, so we can... | ||
| Aren't you glad to not be dating right now? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It seems like a nightmare for everybody I know that is. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It seems so scary. | ||
| If you get lucky, you find someone that's awesome, it's great. | ||
| It's a good time, and it's fun and exciting, but most of the time you're not lucky. | ||
| You guys feel like you got it right under the wire. | ||
| Well, you know, I remember... | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Like, the PC, like, you know, like, now it's like, if a girl wants to, she can just say that she didn't consent, and you'd probably... | ||
| Oh, I'd make them find forms, fill out forms. | ||
| That's what I mean, just because they're doing that so much now. | ||
| But you didn't need forms. | ||
| I think you should have a stack of them next to the bed just to let chicks know that this is, like, really casual. | ||
| They do that, though. | ||
| There's so many forms. | ||
| All these big stars do that. | ||
| They make you, like, Instagram... | ||
| Tom Cruise? | ||
| No, like, there's a story about Justin Bieber will make you, like, videotape yourself saying, like, I'm a sound-minded body and I choose to fuck Justin Bieber, you know? | ||
| Oh, that makes sense. | ||
| Or whatever. | ||
| Because he's fucking a lot of skinks. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| And, you know, they're probably trying to get over on him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I would imagine if you're that wealthy, like, you have to worry about everything you do all the time. | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| But there are a lot of guys who are... | ||
| Probably trying to take advantage of girls. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Maybe there's more of that. | ||
| Maybe that's on the rise, so it's bad for you boys. | ||
| I bet it's the same as it's always been. | ||
| There's always been creeps, and there's always been creeps on both sides. | ||
| The thing is that there's more creeps on the man's side. | ||
| Let's get real. | ||
| There's more psychos, maybe. | ||
| More crazy people that you date, but there's more predators. | ||
| There are more male predators than there are female predators. | ||
| I'm sure there are female predators, and there are psycho men. | ||
| But if we were to really do some number crunching... | ||
| Yeah, I would imagine it's not even. | ||
| I think it's 50-50. | ||
| I've never had an experience that I was actively scared in. | ||
| I've had experiences where I was like, I'm not spending the night at this girl's house because I don't know if I'd wake up. | ||
| But remember our friend, this girl emailed him. | ||
| That was a weird laugh. | ||
| Well, I'm just saying that. | ||
| That's too real. | ||
| It is real. | ||
| I remember this one girl, I was at her house and I was like, oh, this person maybe would kill me in my sleep. | ||
| She was crazy. | ||
| I remember she kept... | ||
| She was like real Hollywood punk trash right when I moved to town. | ||
| You okay with this story? | ||
| She's so okay with it. | ||
| She kept going... | ||
| She kept... | ||
| Asked me to put a cigarette out on her and I was like, I don't think I can do that and I don't think I can do that But I would like kind of ash on her And then I remember that she was she was she kept when she would go down on me and she would kept like horribly like biting me in my genitals and And she was biting my balls, I remember. | ||
| And I was like, please stop that. | ||
| Please no. | ||
| And then all of a sudden we kept making out and she looked down and she was like, what is that? | ||
| The way you say, what is that when somebody's got an STD? What is this? | ||
| And I looked down and there was a fucking contusion in my nuts. | ||
| From her biting you? | ||
| From her bite, she burst a blood vessel. | ||
| And then she was mad about it? | ||
| No, she had done it. | ||
| It's called a wound, you cunt. | ||
| She had done it and not... | ||
| You'll have a little respect. | ||
| My wife's in the room, so she's sucking my balls so hard that... | ||
| Mosh, remember our friend, the girl emailed him and said, just so you know, I know we didn't have sex, but if we had, you didn't have permission and it would have been rape. | ||
| Right. | ||
| She goes, what the fuck? | ||
| Our friend was like... | ||
| Our friend was at Reed College, actually. | ||
| Not Reed. | ||
| Yes, at Reed. | ||
| Not Evergreen, but Reed. | ||
| Where it's sort of the center of the woke, sort of PC campus culture. | ||
| That's the extreme. | ||
| That's very extreme. | ||
| She called him and said she was drunk, and she came on to him. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| His name's Andrew Michon. | ||
| He's a... | ||
| Oh, I shouldn't say that? | ||
| Oh, I don't know. | ||
| Oh, maybe I shouldn't say that. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Oh, because I just feel like I'm telling his... | ||
| He didn't do anything! | ||
| No, no! | ||
| She came on to him. | ||
| Let's not say her name. | ||
| I don't know who she is, but he's a comedian, and I just figured he'd want to shout out. | ||
| But at any rate, sorry. | ||
| He's a great comedian. | ||
| He deftly avoided... | ||
| He's at the punchline in San Francisco. | ||
| At any rate, he didn't hook up with her. | ||
| She came on to him and he was like, I'm not feeling this. | ||
| No thank you. | ||
| Went home, went to bed. | ||
| Gay guy. | ||
| And then she texted him like a week later and was like, I just wanted to thank you for not taking me home that night because I was drunk. | ||
| It wouldn't have been consensual. | ||
| It would have been rape. | ||
| So thank you. | ||
| Well, that's how a lot of people want to firmly establish that, though. | ||
| That if you are an adult and you're drinking and you have sex, it's rape. | ||
| Well, it is hard, though, because you have to understand, being a woman, you are so vulnerable. | ||
| Men have more upper body strength. | ||
| We do have a hole, and they have a thing that goes into the hole. | ||
| Whoa, you're saying crazy things right now that no one knows. | ||
| Slow down. | ||
| If you're going to drop that kind of knowledge, pace it. | ||
| Imagine yourself if you had a hole instead, and you didn't have those muscles, and you were just walking around. | ||
| Well, what is the idea? | ||
| Men are afraid that women are going to laugh at them. | ||
| Women are afraid men are going to kill them. | ||
| Yeah, those are both very different things. | ||
| Yeah, but that's a reality. | ||
| Just like when you say there's the equal dispensation of predators on each side, it's like, well, no, there really aren't, right? | ||
| No, I said there's creeps on both sides. | ||
| I didn't necessarily think it was equal. | ||
| No, but what I mean is, and I wasn't doing that... | ||
| I might have even said that, but it probably was flippant. | ||
| But my point is that the world that women walk around in is one where they fear that the worst case scenario is they're going to be kidnapped, raped, and murdered. | ||
| And our worst case scenario usually is not that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, exactly. | ||
| The rape part, in particular. | ||
| Most of the time, it's not that. | ||
| And if it is, it's also from a fucking man. | ||
| From a dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I had an argument with a guy who's a men's rights activist about that. | ||
| He was like, actually, more men are raped than women. | ||
| I go, hey, stupid. | ||
| They're raped by men. | ||
| You're just reinforcing the argument against men. | ||
| That's such a dumb argument. | ||
| They haven't even looked into it. | ||
| It's such a surface thing to say. | ||
| If you've done the next step, who's raping these kids? | ||
| Oh yeah, guys. | ||
| Probably shouldn't bring that up. | ||
| Yeah, you probably shouldn't bring it up. | ||
| If you want to support men, if your whole thing is that men are awesome, men are actually the victims. | ||
| We're raped more than women. | ||
| By what? | ||
| Goblins? | ||
| Fucking demons are coming in the middle of the night and raping you? | ||
| That's such a good point. | ||
| It's by other men. | ||
| But this guy was saying it like, I got you with this fact that I bet you didn't know. | ||
| Well, because people like to talk in talking points. | ||
| You had that experience with the alt-right people on your show? | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Just that they don't think things through. | ||
| Remember that guy was trying to tell you that the people at the Women's March, he's like, how did they take off their work? | ||
| And it's like, it was on a Saturday, dude. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| We had this guy on the show that was like, the problem is it was all these out-of-work people that just, I don't know about, this was a talking point in the right about the Women's March, or just about protests in general. | ||
| I don't know how these people are able to have such privilege that they can just take work off to go protest. | ||
| It's like, first of all, there's a history of protests where people strike. | ||
| That's the whole idea. | ||
| But second of all, the women's march in particular was on a Saturday. | ||
| Who was this guy? | ||
| Who was this guy? | ||
| A kid named Lucian Wintrich. | ||
| No, you were asking me. | ||
| He's like a Milo wannabe. | ||
| Yeah, who is like a good alt-right person that's reasonable. | ||
| I came to you because we were trying to get... | ||
| Basically, we did the show, right? | ||
| And we started with cultural appropriation. | ||
| We ended with the alt-right, with meet the alt-right. | ||
| And so we were trying really hard to... | ||
| Really explore ideas, right? | ||
| And I guess if there's one thing I realized in the wake of... | ||
| We definitely triggered the alt-right with that cultural appropriation thing. | ||
| People were very upset that we even broached the topic without condemning it, essentially. | ||
| And I think there's one thing I realized in the wake of all of the show is, like, there's one position I truly don't respect. | ||
| It's, I disagree with you, therefore I won't listen to you. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's really... | ||
| There's nothing about that that I have any respect for. | ||
| No, I completely agree. | ||
| I want to know how you came to that conclusion. | ||
| And oftentimes you can find, especially if you particularly disagree with something someone says and you've thought your side through and you talk to someone with an open mind, you can actually find the holes in their logic and it'll help you understand maybe you've got some holes in your own logic and you're not aware of them. | ||
| And everyone has their own experiences they're drawing from to help them come up with their way of thinking. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And I definitely, in exploring all those topics, found just what you're saying. | ||
| I found, like, the part of the gun argument that I really fully wrapped my brain and my heart around, the pro-gun, the Second Amendment, right? | ||
| I mean, I'm still not like a wildly pro-gun guy, but I totally 100 percent had this understanding of where they were coming from that I never had before. | ||
| That really, you know, a lot of the condemnation of the left is that they condemn identity politics. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And really, when it comes to Second Amendment stuff, it and also the truth is the alt right to it's also identity politics. | ||
| It's just identity politics in the reverse. | ||
| It's not like leftist identity politics. | ||
| It's more gun owner identity. | ||
| Like, in other words, when you condemn a gun owner, You, the liberal thinker, is going, oh, I'm condemning guns. | ||
| And what you don't understand is you're condemning a person, what they're hearing is you're calling them, their identity, the thing that makes them passionate. | ||
| Illegitimate stupid and based in ignorance and violence and of course a person's gonna react and go go fuck yourself I'll never listen to your argument if you start your argument by basically telling them their whole lifestyle is bullshit Yeah, there's a real problem with the the gun ownership argument and one of the big problems is the mass shootings right everybody Condemns mass shootings. | ||
| They're horrible. | ||
| They're terrifying and they only happen with most of the time with people's guns and I mean, we've had some situations recently in Europe where people are driving over people with cars, and there's a lot of insane shit that's going on over there with that, and then people have been stabbing people in some places. | ||
| But for the most part, it's guns, right? | ||
| But my thought on it is always that it's a mental health issue. | ||
| There are more guns in this country than there are people. | ||
| So if you have 300 million guns and every once a year or so one of these things happens and you have this mass shooting, this horrible tragedy, one of the most constant things is mental illness. | ||
| Almost all those people are either on psychoactive medicine, Either they're on some sort of a anti-psychotic or an anti-depressant or they're coming off of it. | ||
| They have a history of psychiatric treatment, a history of illness, of mental illness. | ||
| It's a hundred percent. | ||
| It's almost a hundred percent of people that are like severely mentally ill. | ||
| We have horrible standards for mental illness in this country, for people just being roaming around the street. | ||
| And a lot of that came from Reagan. | ||
| When Reagan let those people... | ||
|
unidentified
|
California. | |
| Yes. | ||
| When they let those people loose, that means people need fucking treatment. | ||
| They need help. | ||
| It's a lot of them. | ||
| It's a lot of people that are on disassociatives. | ||
| They're on all these anti-psychotic medication. | ||
| They're fucked up, man. | ||
| Like, they have real issues. | ||
| And then they can get a hold of guns. | ||
| I agree with you. | ||
| But I also think there's a flaw in that logic because the mass shootings didn't start commensurate with the shutting down of the mental health system. | ||
| When did they? | ||
| They seemed to me to be a more... | ||
| I mean, Kent State obviously was the original... | ||
| No, Kent State was the National Guard. | ||
| I'm sorry, what was the one in the tower in... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Austin. | |
| I'm sorry, yeah, in Texas. | ||
| Kent State's in Ohio. | ||
| Excuse me, yeah, that. | ||
| That was like the first, right, the first big one. | ||
| But the modern phenomenon of the mass shooting is a fairly modern one. | ||
| It feels like the last 20, 10, 20 years, right? | ||
| But you know that that guy in the tower was mentally ill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Oh, I'm not disagreeing with you at all that mental illness is a huge part of the pie. | ||
| You're saying the Reagan thing. | ||
| I'm not saying the Reagan thing is 100% the reason for it, but it's a big part of why there are so many mentally ill people that were released in that time. | ||
| I mean, I can remember it when I was a kid because my dad was talking about it. | ||
| He was like, it's crazy. | ||
| There's like so many more homeless people now. | ||
| And they're talking to themselves. | ||
| They're all fucked up. | ||
| We just abandon these human beings because their brains aren't working right. | ||
| The idea was that Reagan shut down all the mental health facilities in California. | ||
| And the idea was that they would be replaced by community centers where each community, each neighborhood would have like a check-in center. | ||
| And the check-in centers, of course, were never built. | ||
| So the people just hit the streets. | ||
| That was California? | ||
| I thought it was when Reagan was president. | ||
| It changed the standards nationally. | ||
| I could be wrong. | ||
| Yeah, I think it was when he was president. | ||
| I might be wrong. | ||
| It's all dark, man. | ||
| And they never made the check-in places? | ||
| They just didn't exist. | ||
| I mean, the only thing I was saying, though, was that... | ||
| There's something else happening in America that almost feels mystical or spiritual when it comes to mass shootings. | ||
| Because there are other countries with mentally ill people that have access to guns. | ||
| And maybe it's that we have a lesser standard of care for our mentally ill, but Canada also has people babbling on the streets, although they have limited access to guns. | ||
| There's something else going on, it feels like to me, and this is totally anecdotal and just my opinion. | ||
| But it feels like to me there's some thing that we don't understand that it is of course mental illness and it is of course access to guns and there's some third thing that people don't really can't put your finger on which is like why is this happening here? | ||
| Why is it happening so much here? | ||
| Well it could be related to overpopulation. | ||
| It could be related to the sort of established mindset of the American people. | ||
| Like why are Canadians so much nicer when they're connected to us? | ||
| Like you just like if you look at the landmass there's No real line, but you go across that. | ||
| Culturally. | ||
| Yeah, they're way nicer. | ||
| They're just nicer. | ||
| You know, and they talk like us, they look like us, they pronounce a few words differently, and they're way nicer. | ||
| You know, and they don't get a lot of mass shootings up there. | ||
| It's super uncommon. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| I mean, it's based on this. | ||
| I think it's about the connection of America to its guns is based on its foundation mythology. | ||
| It's religion in a weird way, right? | ||
| The religion of America, the greatest country on earth. | ||
| Why? | ||
| A lot of it's based on fear. | ||
| I mean, it's freedom for sure, but a lot of the tactical people, like the people that are really into, what happens if somebody breaks in? | ||
| You've got to be ready. | ||
| You've got to pull that gun out in 2.2 seconds. | ||
| You've got to be able to ching, ching, ching, shoot those targets. | ||
| I mean, there's people that practice. | ||
| I know people, good friends, that practice that shit all the time. | ||
| And if you break into their house, you are fucked because they're ready and they're looking for it. | ||
| They want people to break. | ||
| I know people who are asking people, please break into my fucking house. | ||
| I took Natasha to shoot guns in anticipation of this gun episode that we did on the show. | ||
| I hated it so much. | ||
| I can't say I loved it either. | ||
| Well, I got there and I thought I'd make a joke because you have to pick your little target. | ||
| So I was like, are there any Trump? | ||
| And he was like... | ||
| I'm nudging her like, Natasha, shut up! | ||
| We are not in the right area. | ||
| And he's like, we got the Hillarys coming in next week. | ||
| They're going to have real Hillarys that you can shoot? | ||
| That seems fucked up. | ||
| I think he was just talking shit to her for asking the Trump question. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| But it was rough. | ||
| Did he talk with a southern accent? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, this is in L.A. That's how I heard it. | |
| I just decided to give him a twang. | ||
| And then we get in there, and there's people just doing magazine rifles, and then there's a guy going through saying... | ||
| What was he saying? | ||
| No rapid fire! | ||
| No rapid fire! | ||
| Because they're just like... | ||
| Just like these kids. | ||
| It was pretty crazy. | ||
| Like, there weren't even dividers in between us. | ||
| Oh, and then he was telling me how to work the gun, and I was like, he's like, make sure that your thumb doesn't go here. | ||
| Okay, go ahead. | ||
| And I was like, wait, wait, where is my thumb not supposed to go? | ||
| Can I, will you please shh? | ||
| Because I know he didn't know. | ||
| Moshe didn't know either. | ||
| Oh, you gotta laugh and point at me. | ||
| I was like, can you just show us? | ||
| This is a little poof over here. | ||
| You got scared, too. | ||
| We did it once. | ||
| No, I didn't. | ||
| No, I did, though. | ||
| We each did what? | ||
| We got like 50 rounds. | ||
| Yeah, we bought two. | ||
| Because you have to buy the ammunition in like a box. | ||
| You can't buy like, oh, I'll have. | ||
| So we bought two boxes thinking we'd be there for a while. | ||
| The training session was literally. | ||
| Two seconds. | ||
| 30 seconds long. | ||
| Put your hand here. | ||
| Okay, here's your gun. | ||
| Go shoot. | ||
| And people are rapid firing. | ||
| And you're surrounded by other people that got that same safety briefing, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's a celebrity wall. | ||
| One celebrity, Shia LaBeouf. | ||
| This is not what you want, right? | ||
| This is not what you want to see. | ||
| That's a weird one, too, right? | ||
| Yes, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| He might have lied about being there. | ||
| No, it was a picture of him there. | ||
| So I shot the gun, and she shot it, and then I shot it again, and I'm feeling like, I gotta get out of here. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And Natasha's like, I gotta get out of here. | ||
| I just think it was a bad... | ||
| I think every gun advocate or strong gun person we've talked to since... | ||
| Said about that particular place like that's not a place to start. | ||
| It's not a cool place It's unsafe and so we just so I think we picked the wrong place at any rate though I'm thinking about these two boxes of ammunition I'm like I can't go to the dude up front because he'll think you know I'm like a little bitch, you know what I mean? | ||
| I got all this ammo left, you know what I mean? | ||
| So and then she's like Natasha's like don't be an idiot. | ||
| Let's get out of here. | ||
| So I So I walk up to the front and I swear, I sold her out immediately. | ||
| I'm just like, you know, I love it here. | ||
| You know, this is my home, baby. | ||
| I like how you go black with that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You didn't say this was my home. | |
| You go southern if you want to do an idiot. | ||
| You go black to get tough with the guys. | ||
| I'm like the wife, you know what I mean? | ||
| The wife is like, let's get out of here. | ||
| You know how women are, right? | ||
| Bitches be hating on guns. | ||
| I want to stay. | ||
| I want to stay. | ||
| But I can't. | ||
| I gotta admit. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| You did say the wife. | ||
| I did. | ||
| The wife is, you know, I'm all like emotional from having shot a gun. | ||
| Like, I got to get out of here. | ||
| But really, I'm just like, you know, you know how it is. | ||
| You want to shoot all night, but no wife. | ||
| Now I'm going Italian. | ||
| The first time I ever shot one, the first thing I felt when I went into the area where you put the earplugs on and you stand next to these people, and there was these little dividers in the place that I went. | ||
| But when you hear the doom! | ||
| You feel so vulnerable. | ||
| You feel like, whoa, if that hits you, that's a wrap. | ||
| You are not going to make it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I've got to ask you guys this before you take off. | ||
| Did you see this Trump thing, the CNN thing? | ||
| Where they're going after the kid who made the meme? | ||
| I heard it wasn't a kid. | ||
| Well, this is the thing. | ||
| Jamie will explain the whole thing. | ||
| But it was a kid that they went after who had made a video or made a meme. | ||
| But apparently the meme came from a video, and the video was made by someone else other than this kid. | ||
| And they're essentially threatened to dox this kid. | ||
| They said they reserved the right to expose him. | ||
| And I heard he's 15. I don't know if that's been 100% proven. | ||
| I don't know if it's been 100% disproven, but I just heard that that is a lie. | ||
| It was a lie. | ||
| The 15-year-old-ness of this kid. | ||
| Well, I don't know if that's the case because he's not actually 15 or it's because now they're talking about a different person who created the original video that was turned into an animated GIF file. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Of the Trump body-slamming the CNN. Oh, they're saying that that's fine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's Trump. | |
| This is what it is. | ||
| Trump was on the WWE and he did a thing where he slammed the guy to the ground and so they took that and put a CNN head over the person's body who Trump slammed to the ground and then Trump tweeted it. | ||
| By the way, very offensive, very inappropriate, very non-presidential, pretty fucking funny. | ||
| Okay, but that's nothing compared to him talking about that woman having plastic surgery and saying that her face was bleeding badly from a facelift. | ||
| That's just gross. | ||
| There's something wrong with him. | ||
| That's so beneath anybody. | ||
| That's not just beneath the president. | ||
| That's beneath anybody I would talk to. | ||
| There's something deeply wrong with him. | ||
| He's getting worse. | ||
| He's going off. | ||
| He's on tilt right now. | ||
| Pressure. | ||
| Probably getting mentally ill at this point. | ||
| And he's old. | ||
| Isn't mental illness like your brain chemistry changing? | ||
| And can you imagine what would... | ||
| By the way, when the alt-right came after me for the show, I had this other realization, which is even people you don't respect... | ||
| If enough people hate you, it's got an effect on your brain. | ||
| And imagine being Donald Trump where half the world or more is like, fuck you all day, every day. | ||
| Definitely more than half the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a large number of people, even in the Republican Party. | |
| But it's way more than half of America now. | ||
| There's a large number of people in the Republican Party that are criticizing it. | ||
| You know what makes me mad is that we called it the Women's March and that no one really gives it respect for what it was because it was the largest protest in our history of our lives was basically an anti-Trump protest. | ||
| Like when that guy was elected and like... | ||
| We should just be talking about that more. | ||
| Like, that's never happened in our lifetimes or our parents' lifetimes. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That there was that big of a protest because someone was being elected. | ||
| And it just kind of gets, like, pushed to the side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Post-election. | |
| I mean, I'm glad it's called the Women's March, but it's just like... | ||
| But she thinks, basically, that the idea of it was marginalized and the scope of it was marginalized because they called themselves the Women's March. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe. | |
| I don't know, because it's such a huge deal. | ||
| Like, I mean, it was so exciting to be a part of that. | ||
| And you saw those pictures. | ||
| And they weren't just in every city in America. | ||
| They were in every city in the world. | ||
| That's how opposed we were. | ||
| That didn't happen when, you know, anyone who in our lifetimes has become president. | ||
| No, we've never seen this kind of a reaction to a president before, ever. | ||
| Never. | ||
| But you wanted to talk about the CNN of it all. | ||
| Yeah, but what's crazy is that CNN is becoming a monster to fight a monster. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And they're threatening to dox people that are making funny memes. | ||
| All that was was funny. | ||
| I mean, nobody really thought that Donald Trump was actually slamming the person that is CNN, that doesn't even have a head, that has a CNN for a head. | ||
| CNN is... | ||
| Suing? | ||
| Some reporter from CNN was going after the person. | ||
| They tracked the person down on Reddit who made the memes. | ||
| Who gives a fuck who made the memes? | ||
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| By the way, the meme itself isn't offensive. | ||
| The meme itself is funny. | ||
| The offensive part, if anything, is that the President of the United States thought it was appropriate to retweet it. | ||
| It's more dumb than it is offensive. | ||
| It didn't offend me even slightly. | ||
| I saw him that he retweeted. | ||
| I was like, huh. | ||
| That's my reaction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh. | |
| Listen, you are correct, in my opinion, that CNN in particular and the press in general is as filled with warts, not as filled with warts, but is filled with warts in the same way that they're used to do. | ||
| As your five pound dick? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ew, dude. | |
| Ew, dude. | ||
| It was the right joke to make. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Joe, that was the right joke to make at the right time. | ||
| I didn't mean it. | ||
| Natasha, I'm so sorry that you're there. | ||
| If you weren't there, we would have had such a laugh over this. | ||
| We gotta sand them off before I see the missus. | ||
| But it's not that. | ||
| It's this new realm that we're in where these cable networks are struggling so hard to get attention and they're focusing on really crazy shit like CNN had a bunch of people fired for making up fake stories about Russia and Trump or not substantiating these stories and making sure they're correct before they released it and put it live and so three people had to resign. | ||
| I think it was three. | ||
| But CNN's not struggling. | ||
| That's what's interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But they are. | |
| They're struggling. | ||
| They're down 20% in ratings. | ||
| I thought CNN, MSNBC, and some other left-leaning thing, although I don't really consider CNN left-leaning, is like at the top of the charts now. | ||
| What I read, and it might be bullshit, I don't know. | ||
| Let's pull this up, see if you can find out. | ||
| What I read was that CNN is down 20% since June, and that Fox is actually up 20%. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's like typed in CNN ratings. | ||
| It says Trump is way off on CNN's ratings being down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, so Trump said... | |
| No, no, no. | ||
| I didn't hear it from Trump. | ||
| I heard it from someone else. | ||
| It was probably parroting Trump. | ||
| I mean, we're all... | ||
| Therein lies the problem. | ||
| We're all being pumped, filled with misinformation from both sides. | ||
| And each side is so ideologically in their echo chamber that they all accept, the left and the right included, all accept the information that they're getting as gospel truth that cannot be assailed by the other side's facts. | ||
| And so nobody even knows what the truth is anymore. | ||
| Nobody knows what the argument is. | ||
| People think if they read it, it's true. | ||
| Oh, so Fox News, CNN, and MSNBC. So Trump is responsible for everybody paying attention now. | ||
| Driven by surges for The Rachel Maddow Show. | ||
| Last word with Lawrence O'Donnell. | ||
| I have no idea who that is. | ||
| MSNBC is up a whopping 86% in total viewers. | ||
| Wow, in primetime. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Do you watch Rachel Maddow? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think she's great. | ||
| She's a beast. | ||
| She's so good. | ||
| You know who else is good? | ||
| Tucker Carlson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just kidding. | |
| He's a well-dressed guy with a great haircut and a good vibe. | ||
| You know what he is, though? | ||
| What he is is this odd bridge between reasonable people and right-wing maniacs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think he's a bridge between reasonable people? | |
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Compared to Sean Hannity? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes. | |
| So much more reasonable than Hannity. | ||
| He's just a dick, though. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Tucker? | ||
| He's an asshole to the people he interviews. | ||
| His whole thing is that he bombards them with kind of snide interviewing, relentless snide interviewing until they make a mistake. | ||
| You don't think some of them deserve it? | ||
| Of course some of them. | ||
| He brings out some preposterous people just because he knows that they're going to say something stupid that he can mock. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Well, there's this idea called nutpicking, and Natasha's got to go, right? | ||
| I'll take an Uber and you can stay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| Well, I'm... | ||
| That's totally fine. | ||
| This is a weird little moment in your relationship. | ||
| No, because... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm here for this. | |
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I had the whole day, like, just by the hour, you know? | ||
| And I have to be in Hollywood. | ||
| It's for... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's something I'm doing. | ||
| Like, I'm... | ||
| It's a voiceover, but... | ||
| We could bring this home. | ||
| Tom Cruise. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| It's not Tom Cruise. | ||
| She's meeting Tom Cruise. | ||
| It's a Scientology promo film. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| It's just I have, like, partners who are waiting for me, and if I don't get there, write it for... | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| For... | ||
| It's so boring to explain. | ||
| It's an ADR session that I'm hosting with people from my show another period. | ||
| And it's in Hollywood at four, so I have to go. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| But I had a great time. | ||
| I had a great time as well. | ||
| I think we learned a lot about each other. | ||
| And the important thing is you guys have an awesome tour that's going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, we do. | |
| When does it kick off? | ||
| Tell everybody. | ||
| July 19th, we will be in New Orleans, Louisiana. | ||
| Honeymoon tour. | ||
| My dad always says knowledge. | ||
| The honeymoon tour, and then we're going to Atlanta, Miami, Montreal, Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis. | ||
| Brooklyn, baby! | ||
| Yeah, we'll be in Brooklyn. | ||
| MotionCash.com, NatashaLogero.com. | ||
| We'd love to see you. | ||
| But I do a set. | ||
| He does a set. | ||
| Sometimes, you know, we switch the order, and then at the end, we both come out, and we've been giving people love advice. | ||
| Yeah, we do live relationship counseling. | ||
| It's been really fun, and we've, like, helped some marriages, I feel like. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Probably not. | |
| I feel like you haven't. | ||
| Why do you feel like we haven't? | ||
| It's a funny thing to say right there. | ||
| Five pound dick filled with warts, baby. | ||
| Do they give them a microphone and they ask questions to you? | ||
| Well, they come up on stage. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| What if they're crazy? | ||
| Some of them have been. | ||
| One time, we've helped some people in the most minor ways. | ||
| Somebody's like, the cat likes to sleep on the bed. | ||
| And we go, well, why don't you once a week put a blanket down, let the cat sleep. | ||
| One guy was like, well, I think we have problems because I wasn't touched by my parents at any point until I was like nine years old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And we were like, You're not qualified. | |
| Obviously, I would love to stay here and talk all day. | ||
| Or at least for another hour. | ||
| Listen, we can do it another time. | ||
| You could do a solo podcast after we leave for another 45 minutes. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| We'll be fine. | ||
| There's plenty of entertainment out there for these folks. | ||
| Oh, you want me to stay? | ||
| Whatever you want. | ||
| But I gotta call it Uber now. | ||
| Alright, we can wrap it up. | ||
| I think you should take... | ||
| Whatever you want, Joe. | ||
| You decide. | ||
| We'll wrap this up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Natasha Legero and Moshe Kasher, ladies and gentlemen. | |
| Have you ever had a more awkward ending to a podcast? | ||
| No, it's perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| This isn't awkward. | ||
| It wasn't awkward at all. | ||
| She's angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This isn't awkward! | |
| I can't wait to hear your conversation in the car. | ||
| You guys should do like... | ||
| This is gonna be a good point. | ||
| Live stream. | ||
| You can tell a lot about a man how he does an impression of women. | ||
| Nah, nah, nah. | ||
| What? | ||
| You mean accurate? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's not accurate. | |
| Whether or not someone's a good mimic? | ||
| And then Dice always makes them like, oh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's like, oh, can I please to suck your balls? | |
| Like, he makes them seem like... | ||
| And then other guys always make them seem like gay, like, oh, well, you must know. | ||
| Well, Natasha, I'm not making fun of all women. | ||
| I'm just making fun of you. | ||
| No, no, because I don't sound like that. | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| I don't sound like that! | ||
| Listen to yourself! | ||
| I hate sports! | ||
| My impression of women goes like this. | ||
| Hi, I'm Alonzo Bowden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ladies and gentlemen. | |
| My dick's the size of three fingers. | ||
| Alright, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. | ||
| We wrap this up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. | |
| Thank you, guys. | ||
| Thank you for having us. | ||
| My pleasure. |
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