June 7, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:31:15
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, motherfucking world traveler Ari Shafir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's such a nice way to start. | |
| Dude, you did one of the most puzzling and fascinating and admirable things any of my friends has ever done. | ||
| You checked out! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You checked out for four months. | ||
| You really checked out. | ||
| You got rid of your phone. | ||
| You didn't answer any emails. | ||
| You're like, I'm going to disappear for four months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You didn't even give a time frame. | ||
| No. | ||
| You just said, I'm just going to go do this. | ||
| I said like one to three-ish. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe two. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Just we'll see. | ||
| Did you get the inspiration from the Henry Rollins podcast? | ||
| No, I was already going to do it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, but he said, like, come see me in December. | ||
| I think he was having shows at Largo. | ||
| And I was like, oh, I'm already going to be. | ||
| I think I'll be gone by then. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I was waiting until I finished off the work I had to do. | ||
| Do my special. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, finish up a season of that show. | ||
| So I'm not like just leaving, I'm not chapelling anybody. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Chapelling anybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a verb. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, that Rollins podcast you did was one of my all-time favorite ones of yours. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It inspired me while I was out there, though. | ||
| Your podcast is great. | ||
| Thanks, buddy. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| You like the format? | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| I love your intros. | ||
| You know, you're fucking cooking onions and just talking. | ||
| It's so raw. | ||
| It's a really good podcast, man. | ||
| You've done an amazing job with it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks. | |
| I like your music selection when you bring in the guests. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, you do a great job with it. | ||
| Like, whenever the guest comes up, I was like, okay, what kind of fucking song is he going to play? | ||
| Yeah, Ingram said it once. | ||
| I did one with him about having diabetes. | ||
| And he was like, did you pour some sugar on me at the beginning of my podcast about diabetes? | ||
| I was like, yeah, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta have something like that goes. | |
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Rick Ingram is one of the most underrated guys out there. | ||
| I've seen him kill at the Comedy Store lately. | ||
| He kills hard enough where people have always said, can you not put me on after him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pussies. | |
| Yeah, he's one of those guys. | ||
| He's a funny dude. | ||
| Very funny dude. | ||
| Good guy, too. | ||
| Yeah, that Rollins thing, I did use some of that while I was out there. | ||
| When people say like, what are you doing out here? | ||
| I tried a few times, I'm here to meet you. | ||
| And it just gets a conversation going. | ||
| Because they want to know. | ||
| I think with him it was more his celebrity, but it's just like, you're white, what are you doing here? | ||
| Right. | ||
| What are you doing here? | ||
| In some small town in Nowheresville. | ||
| Did you feel threatened anywhere? | ||
| Any sort of threatened... | ||
| This is a good question. | ||
| Any sort of threatening I felt was just me... | ||
| It wasn't real. | ||
| It was me looking at people that don't look like me and going, oh, I'm scared. | ||
| There are others. | ||
| And then you find out Myanmar is 90-something percent Buddhist. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, it's a massive, massive part of their culture. | ||
| Is that where you went first? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why'd you pick that place? | ||
| Best weather. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I got my ticket the day before, so I just didn't want to go somewhere where it's going to be raining. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So Myanmar had 10 days to clear, and I was like, I'm headed to Myanmar, I guess. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was great, though. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| How do you set this up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you set up- I picked a region. | |
| A region. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It caked out between South America and Southeast Asia. | ||
| You just decided, like, that looks like a good time of the year to be there. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I would love to go to Europe, fucking backpack around Europe. | ||
| But not in January. | ||
| Not in January or February. | ||
| Nah, it's not going to be enjoyable. | ||
| Whenever I think of Europe, I mean, even though I've been to Europe and I love it, I think of World War II movies. | ||
| Yeah, them having, like, the bunkers. | ||
| I just think of people freezing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Eating food out of cans, hearing bombs go off in the background. | ||
| Some dust coming in from the ceiling. | ||
| I was thinking the other day when I was looking at all this crazy shit that's been going on in England, these terrorist attacks, and what happened in France, and I was just thinking how long that section of the world has been in turmoil. | ||
| Always fighting? | ||
| Always fighting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I was thinking, like, America's one of the only places where very little shit has gone down. | ||
| Like, little things have gone down. | ||
| They were obviously big at the time. | ||
| Like, Pearl Harbor was huge at the time. | ||
| But very few. | ||
| And then 9-11. | ||
| And other than that, it's like, whoa, boy. | ||
| What else? | ||
| And then you look at Europe like, holy shit, dude, there's a part of France that's the size of Paris that you can't go into. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Because there's so many bombs there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| There's so much munitions from the World Wars. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| So bad that they have like an area the size of What, just mines and stuff? | ||
| Just musicians. | ||
| Just fucking missiles and shit. | ||
| Things that were flying there that landed. | ||
| Things that blew off. | ||
| All sorts of chemical waste. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, dude, it's toxic. | ||
| See if you can pull that up. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you can't go? | |
| I feel like it's outside of Normandy. | ||
| I forget where it is. | ||
| But there's a section of France that is literally the size of Paris that people can't go into for like 100,000 years. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just because of all this, like, chemical waste? | ||
| Just because of all the waste from the bombs and all the different fucking missiles and rockets and guns and shit. | ||
| Dude, it's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| Wow. | ||
| And obviously, I don't have the facts in front of me until Jamie pulls it up, my shitty memory. | ||
| But I know that this is a real place. | ||
| And I know that there's... | ||
| Just leftover, like, wings of planes? | ||
| I think it's mostly, like, things they shot at each other. | ||
| Unexploded? | ||
| Some of them unexploded, some of them exploded, like, the waste from them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah, here it is. | ||
| This is a map of the space. | ||
| See those things? | ||
| Look at all these fucking bombs that didn't go off. | ||
| On the cobblestone streets. | ||
| Look at those things, dude. | ||
| These are all bombs that didn't go off. | ||
| But that guy's there. | ||
| Yeah, well that guy knows what he's doing. | ||
| He's just touching it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's touching it. | |
| They pulled that one out. | ||
| He's got no mask on. | ||
| Imagine if it went off right next to you. | ||
| Wait, the water area is finally contained. | ||
| Water area. | ||
| It says, found to contain certain toxic levels of arsenic that were 300 times above the tolerated amount and abnormally high. | ||
| Lead levels were recorded in some animals, particularly in the livers of hunted wild boars. | ||
| Oh, so they buried it all. | ||
| I think it's just there, man. | ||
| I think they just have this area. | ||
| I don't think they buried it. | ||
| It looks like they put it under mounds of dirt. | ||
| Is that what's going on? | ||
| And then shit grew. | ||
| Does it say that? | ||
| No, but those mounds look like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Let's see what- get up to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, cool. | |
| Freaky. | ||
| A no-go zone of France. | ||
| Forbidden no man's land. | ||
| Poisoned by war. | ||
| Ooh, dude. | ||
| I mean, look at that guy with the gas mask on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the artist for admission, I think. | |
| That is awesome. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Up to his knees in water. | ||
| Why did I think that was real? | ||
| It doesn't even look a little real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so clearly a... | |
| It's not even like... | ||
| It's like chalk painted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a map! | |
| It's not even like... | ||
| It is a dope picture, but I was reading and looking at the photo, and I was like, oh, is that guy wearing a gas mask? | ||
| Oh, that's not a real picture! | ||
| Dude, I've seen some tattoos recently on people on Instagram. | ||
| That's one of the best things that Instagram's for. | ||
| Tats? | ||
| Tattoo artists. | ||
| There's some people that have done these super realistic photograph tattoos that are just flat out fucking freaky. | ||
| They can do flat out freaky shit now. | ||
| Do you see 3D tattoos? | ||
| I've seen those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Incredible. | ||
| Golly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Tattoo artists, like all artists, I guess, are just because of the internet. | ||
| Evolving. | ||
| Yeah, and then they're taking things to another level, because they're seeing the level of all these other people, and like, a guy in Germany can compare himself with a guy in Japan, and a guy in America. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, Jesus Christ. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Goddamn. | ||
| It looks like his skin is falling off. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of really good tattoo artists out there right now. | ||
| Really good. | ||
| Some hot chicks getting them too. | ||
| Yeah, like all over the place. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And guys love that. | ||
| I'm one of those guys. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you know she's dangerous. | ||
| That's a reckless gal. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Both of those girls. | |
| She's got Johnny Depp tattooed on her foot. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That girl's crazy. | |
| Right? | ||
| Like, girls with, like, love and hate on their hands, like, okay, here we go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
yeah exactly it's like you're on a roller coaster ride it's going click click click click click click click click click click you're at the apex Yeah, you can never just have a nice quiet dinner with a girl like that. | |
| It's gotta be on every night. | ||
| Something's thrown at your head. | ||
| A girl has Los Angeles tattooed across her stomach. | ||
| You're like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and like that gothic... | ||
| Like a gang sign. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's behind your ear? | |
| Face tattoos is where you're really making a commitment. | ||
| That's a weird one, right? | ||
| It's like, I'm willing to... | ||
| Some people get... | ||
| I'm a little crazy. | ||
| With Khalifa types? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, how about Gucci Mane? | ||
| Got a fucking ice cream cone tattooed on his face and it says, Burr. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dude, he got an ice cream cone tattooed on his face. | ||
| And it says burr. | ||
|
unidentified
|
B-R-R-R. Yeah, like burr, this is cold. | |
| I'm not kidding! | ||
| He's not like an ice cream guy, though. | ||
| I like his music, though. | ||
| But it's not all about ice cream, is it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that, look. | |
| Goddamn! | ||
| Wow! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It says burr. | |
| Burr. | ||
| And then the meme spelled burr wrong. | ||
| There's lightning bolts off the ice cream cone. | ||
| I feel like that was put in later. | ||
| No, I think that was at the same time. | ||
| Ice cream and lightning? | ||
| Yeah, ice cream and lightning. | ||
| That's real. | ||
| That's his tattoo. | ||
| Nothing says getting like three scoops of ice cream. | ||
| Wow, good for him. | ||
| It's gonna be hard for him to find a job, though. | ||
| Yeah, he doesn't have a job. | ||
| He's a rapper. | ||
| He doesn't need a job. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Okay, I don't want to see... | ||
| Inside of the lip one. | ||
| The inside of the lip one is weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird, right? | |
| Yeah, it's out of the way. | ||
| I'm a sneaky freak. | ||
| I'm hiding my freakiness inside my face. | ||
| There's no virgins with tattoos. | ||
| Well, I'm sure there must be. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I'm sure there must be. | ||
| But not really, though. | ||
| That's not even unusual. | ||
| What about asexual people? | ||
| Do you believe in asexual people? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, definitely, right? | ||
| Yeah, I've met a couple. | ||
| Some people just don't want... | ||
| Don't touch me. | ||
| Thanks. | ||
| Yeah, I'm not into that sort of thing. | ||
| Why is that so horrible? | ||
| I'm onto stamps. | ||
| I mean, it's not like they just are antisocial. | ||
| They just don't want to fuck you. | ||
| They just have no interest in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what about them? | ||
| What if they get tattoos? | ||
| I don't think it ever happens. | ||
| I stand by it. | ||
| I like how you commit to an opinion. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| It doesn't matter if I didn't research it. | ||
| You're not even totally sure. | ||
| Oh, I'm 100% sure, man. | ||
| I'm doubling down. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| I like how you do that. | ||
| You raise your voice. | ||
| You even extended your head. | ||
| There's something about movement. | ||
| Have you seen this fucking video? | ||
| I don't know if you know what's going on in Evergreen College. | ||
| Do you know where Evergreen College is? | ||
| Evergreen State College? | ||
| It's in the north? | ||
| It's in Pacific Northwest. | ||
| And there's this crazy shutdown. | ||
| I had this professor on the podcast because they... | ||
| The kids had asked him to not show up at school. | ||
| And no white people show up at school. | ||
| Or no whites day. | ||
| Because, yeah, they wanted a day where whites didn't. | ||
| And he's like, that is the opposite of inclusiveness. | ||
| Like, this is not what we're supposed to be doing. | ||
| So they kick him out, right? | ||
| They kicked him out. | ||
| Instead of saying, no, how about everybody day? | ||
| Well, this is what they did. | ||
| They didn't really kick him out. | ||
| What they did is they protested, they yelled and screamed, and he felt unsafe, and he left the college, and then the college got shut down due to threats. | ||
| Why did it get shut down? | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Threats, yeah. | ||
| What do you mean threats? | ||
| They even played the threats on the air. | ||
| What do you mean threats? | ||
| He was already gone. | ||
| No, other people called in. | ||
| To threaten the college? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh, because... | ||
| Like right-wing people. | ||
| Oh, right, right, right. | ||
| They called them a bunch of commies. | ||
| They left a voicemail saying I'm gonna come down with my.45 Magnum. | ||
| That's too far. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| .44 Magnum? | ||
| Maybe.44. | ||
| Oh, that's alright then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's okay. | |
| He specified the round, which I thought was hilarious. | ||
| It's like the exact type of gun I have. | ||
| Okay, well, if you come with a shotgun, I know it's just a game. | ||
| But anyway, the college professor got in trouble talking to these kids. | ||
| They told him to put his hands away because he was gesturing with their hands. | ||
| They were yelling out that it's a microaggression. | ||
| And they got him to put his hands down. | ||
| And then they started laughing at him. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| They started laughing like, ha ha, we made you put your hands away. | ||
| They were like, put your hands down. | ||
| See if you can find it, Jamie. | ||
| What? | ||
| Those microaggressions. | ||
| I'm trying to figure. | ||
| Maybe Brett Weinstein had it queued up on his Twitter page. | ||
| He's the professor. | ||
| That word, by the way, is dead on. | ||
| It's just the connotative meaning now has become something super negative. | ||
| Microaggressions. | ||
| But it's a microaggression. | ||
| Not even a small aggression. | ||
| Micro. | ||
| It's like the smallest possible thing you can think of in terms of aggression. | ||
| You're like, okay, sure, whatever. | ||
| But if you watch the video, this guy's just moving his hands. | ||
| He's just talking like this. | ||
| And they're like, put your hands down. | ||
| Your hands are aggressive. | ||
| And then they laugh at him when he complies. | ||
| They openly mocked him and laughed at him. | ||
| Like, we're fooling with you. | ||
| We didn't really believe that microaggression stuff. | ||
| We turned you into a cuck. | ||
| They're little kids. | ||
| These are little kids. | ||
| When you talk to people who understand how brains develop, one of the big things that they always say is the frontal lobe, the frontal cortex doesn't really develop until you're like 25. It's not fully developed. | ||
| I was in college. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| We're not that smart. | ||
| We learned a few things. | ||
| We don't know how to put it into play yet. | ||
| And so you just say it. | ||
| By the way, that's my theory on why people send their kids away to college, is because they're fucking embarrassing, and they don't want them anywhere near them while they're trying to grow into real people. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, they're learning stuff, but they're like, we know everything! | ||
| Do you really think that's it? | ||
| Oh, yeah, a little bit. | ||
| Also, they say for the experience of going away, but no, it's like, hey, fucking be an awful developing thing away from me. | ||
| Go embarrass someone in Wisconsin. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, I hear this NYU girls talking all the time. | ||
| I stand behind them and like listen. | ||
| Oh, yeah, you know other conversations girls and boys, you know Mostly girls you creep. | ||
| I mean, you know, whatever you creeping sort of sure Super into that but like But yeah, they're just dumb they're dumb when you listen to them and you're like you're just well-read and dumb and Well, there's a lot of people that, I mean, are 18 years old and you can have a very intelligent conversation with them. | ||
| Yeah, sure, some. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| And there's a lot of people who are 18 who are basically 12. They're basically like a grown-up baby. | ||
| It's not their fault. | ||
| It's no one's fault, you know? | ||
| It just takes some people longer. | ||
| To kind of get how to, you know, sort of factor all the aspects of life together and make it some sort of a manageable plan for yourself and live your life. | ||
| But the idea of those kids being able to run that principle and run the president of that school like that and just tell them to put his hands down and laugh at him. | ||
| Dude, they laughed at him. | ||
| I've heard a few smart people going about Trump and people like small hands, you know, and the left will attack that. | ||
| It's like, oh, you're a small dick. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I saw one, I think, I forget who, a comedian I used to do open mics with. | ||
| I think he's a writer now. | ||
| I forget who it was, but... | ||
| She was like, don't say that. | ||
| Don't take their tactics. | ||
| Don't say looks are an important thing here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not what we believe in. | ||
| So stop saying that. | ||
| Not only that, you're going to shame the shit out of all those guys that are out there that actually have small dicks. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Her point was like, just because you know that'll affect them, you're doing the same thing the right does. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Isn't that amazing, though, that that is what we decide to do as a collective group of humans, to find the thing that you can mock about him physically? | ||
| Like, his dick is little. | ||
| He's got small hands. | ||
| Look at your small hands. | ||
| And then there's people in the audience that actually have small hands. | ||
| They're like, fuck! | ||
| Because Trump's a big giant guy. | ||
| Is he really tall? | ||
| I think he's like 6'2". | ||
| He's probably like your height. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He's a big guy. | ||
| He's a big imposing guy. | ||
| That was one of the speculations about Jim Comey. | ||
| What? | ||
| James Comey that Trump didn't like him because he was six foot eight. | ||
| Oh, cuz he's huge James Comey's like this giant basketball player like dude you really yeah, and he just towered over everybody including Trump Trump's like get rid of that fucking guy I'm sure it was more complicated than that. | ||
| It's more because he's investigating them. | ||
| But that's more of shaming. | ||
| People love to do that. | ||
| Oh, you tiny little man. | ||
| Yeah, both sides love doing it. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird because you're attacking something that the person can't change at all. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, what do you care if he has small... | ||
| Look how big Comey is. | ||
| Comey's a giant. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's huge. | |
| He's a super person. | ||
| Look at the size of him. | ||
| God, he dwarfs everybody. | ||
| Oh my God, he's huge. | ||
| He's an enormous guy. | ||
| You know, if I was Donald Trump and I was in this sort of a dispute with a guy like that, he's saying, look how big you grew! | ||
| I would worry about Comey running for president. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I watch House of Cards, son. | ||
| I know how this game is played. | ||
| The next move is Comey runs for president. | ||
| A bunch of people, they get in a room with him, there's these bankers, and there's this one dude who's an internationally successful businessman, but he keeps like a humble lifestyle and a normal house, and he likes to bird hunt. | ||
| Hey, everybody watching at home. | ||
| Right here is when Joe Rogan's explaining to me how it works in politics. | ||
| Now back to the actual show. | ||
| Yeah, they do a little too much of that sometimes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, what? | |
| What are you doing? | ||
| Face the camera. | ||
| They get away with it sometimes. | ||
| But you know what I want? | ||
| Here's what I want. | ||
| I want Claire Barnes to do those every now and then. | ||
| Who's Claire Barnes? | ||
| Claire Underwood started the new season? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His wife? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want his wife to do it. | ||
| Underwood. | ||
| Anthony Hopkins? | ||
| No. | ||
| Didn't I say Underwood the second time? | ||
| Barnes. | ||
| But I said the second time I said Underwood. | ||
| Who the hell's Claire Barnes? | ||
| The reporter? | ||
| Is that the girl's name in Homeland? | ||
| I've run out of space in my head for names. | ||
| I don't have any names. | ||
| They're jumbling together. | ||
| Maybe it is in Homeland. | ||
| They're all jumbling together. | ||
| No, Claire Danes. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Zoe Barnes. | ||
| That's who it is. | ||
| That's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Claire Underwood. | ||
| I want to hear what she says. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She's not allowed. | ||
| Why doesn't she look at the camera? | ||
| She's mysterious. | ||
| They have that. | ||
| It's the director's cut. | ||
| They show on the Wii network. | ||
| On the Wii network. | ||
| Yeah, it's only the women's points of view. | ||
| They have to take your chromosomes before they let you watch it. | ||
| You hold on to your remote and test to make sure you're double X. No Y. No Y! The We Network. | ||
| Does anybody watch that anymore? | ||
| Chicks. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| Same people like Hallmark. | ||
| Nobody really watches either of those, though, right? | ||
| Nobody really watches. | ||
| Somebody watches, but nobody really. | ||
| Dude, go to Nebraska. | ||
| But, like, they watch it more than, like, NBC. They DVR the shit out of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. | |
| David Taylor once said he was trying to write, they were buying dumb scripts for a Hallmark channel, and he said he researched a bunch of them, and he goes, pretty much every one of the movies at work is about a pet, a family reunion, or a holiday. | ||
| So he had a Lost My Dog at Christmastime movie that he wrote to try to get it on there. | ||
| He's like, I'll fill all this stuff. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember that billboard across the street from the store was always the Hallmark Channel? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Forever! | ||
| Dude, one of my favorite comments you ever made. | ||
| Because it was this, like, cop show, where there was a woman in the front, a woman behind her, kind of like Charlie's Angels-ish, little Tuckin' Tough guns, and then, like, a dude way, way in the back, maybe three women, one guy, but they're, like, hard-nosed detectives. | ||
| And you're like, Hallmark Channel is sci-fi for women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha! | |
| In what world does this exist? | ||
| This is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I forgot I said that, but it's so true. | |
| I was doing that on stage for a while. | ||
| Yeah, now that I remember it, I was doing it, I was saying that on stage because it was right there, and I could point to it, and I'd say, there is a fucking billboard across the street, and I need you to go out there and look at it. | ||
| I'll tell people, after the show, look at it, this joke's gonna be better after the show. | ||
| It really was. | ||
| Like, see what's possible? | ||
| And you're like, that is not possible. | ||
| The guy would be like, give me the fucking gun. | ||
| Where is he? | ||
| That guy's like hanging back there like he's waiting for these chicks to save him. | ||
| What the fuck are you watching? | ||
| Me and Jay went on a rabbit hunt over at his place of looking for videos of like women cops getting beat up. | ||
| Oh god, they're awful. | ||
| It's really bad. | ||
| It's like once a guy like grabs you it's like fuck there's a huge power difference here. | ||
| So disturbing. | ||
| There's one I'll never forget this one because the guy's child It was his child, I think, or his girlfriend? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| I think it was his kid, was screaming at him to stop, stop, to stop, and he was beating the shit out of this cop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, he got out of the car with her, and it was a woman, and she was really little, and she was pulling him over, and he got out of the car, and I don't remember The exact chain of events, but I remember he was punching the fuck out of her. | ||
| And he KO'd her and he on the ground and he smashed her in the face a bunch of times. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, and his kid was screaming. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it was his kid. | ||
| Screaming to stop. | ||
| Oh, it was so scary. | ||
| But it was like, this is the reality of being a cop. | ||
| This is why... | ||
| It's not sexist to think that it's a scary thing to have a 130-pound woman on her own out there driving around in a cop car with a gun trying to pull over. | ||
| Six foot four. | ||
| The guy was a stacked-looking black dude. | ||
| Like, he looked like a big guy. | ||
| And once he got a hold of her and started punching her, holy shit, dude. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| It was awful. | ||
| He beat the shit out of her and he did it super easy. | ||
| And you realize like once you got it on video, yeah, you want to show a little bit? | ||
| Show it to us. | ||
| It's awful, man. | ||
| So there's this big dude, right? | ||
| He gets out of the car, and I think it's his- look at that, he just punches her in the face and- DOOM! He's in front of his daughter. | ||
| Oh, that's what it was, that's right. | ||
| Oh man, he keeps wailing on her! | ||
| Oh dude, he beat the fuck out of her while she's out cold. | ||
| She's out cold, and he takes her gun, he takes everything, and the daughter's freaking out. | ||
| Dude, it is hard to watch. | ||
| It's hard to watch. | ||
| Get back in the car. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| There's a bunch of them, man. | ||
| It's such a dangerous job. | ||
| He punched the shit out of her like 10 times. | ||
| It's such a dangerous job. | ||
| It's such a dangerous job. | ||
| And to say that it's too dangerous for women, who's to say? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What if that woman quit after that or she kept working? | ||
| You think she kept working? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I think she might have had brain damage after that. | ||
| That's horrific. | ||
| It's a big dude, and I bet she was totally... | ||
| He was swinging full. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, he was really... | ||
| And I bet she was totally defenseless after the first punch. | ||
| So it was just clean, clean punches right to the face. | ||
| Boom, boom, boom, boom. | ||
| I mean, the damage that a big guy like that can do to just a regular female face. | ||
| Oh, what's that going to do to his daughter, too? | ||
| She's going to grow up. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| It's terrifying. | ||
| To be around that kind of violence when you're that little. | ||
| So that's what it was. | ||
| I think the video showed the kid in the car. | ||
| Right out of the car. | ||
| Shit memory. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| But I mean, that's probably one of a hundred of those things that have happened. | ||
| By the way, in terms of if I felt unsafe when I was traveling, that shit's here. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was nowhere as unsafe as like Chicago. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I always say about Mexico. | ||
| Like, people are like, do you ever go to Mexico? | ||
| I'm like, Mexico is, like, mostly nice. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Nice people. | ||
| They're really nice people. | ||
| Like, Mexico's not the problem. | ||
| The problem is parts of Mexico. | ||
| Border towns, too, in general. | ||
| Some people, yeah. | ||
| But it's also, like, that's the problem, like you said, with Detroit. | ||
| It's a problem with Chicago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a problem with a lot of places. | ||
| There's spots where it's fucking dangerous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Even most of Chicago's good. | ||
| Yeah, Chicago's great. | ||
| 550 murders last year, but see how many people weren't murdered. | ||
| Dude, that's a great outlook. | ||
| You're a glass-half-full kind of guy. | ||
| Millions of non-murdered people roaming around Chicago, really enjoying their freedoms. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, if it affects you or someone that you love, it's terrible. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so in all this traveling, did you come out of this with anything? | ||
| You know, a few things. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Because you seemed like... | ||
| Tell you from the outside. | ||
| Yeah, you seemed like almost like you Had a different person you also seemed I Don't know man. | ||
| It was nice to see you when I first saw you when you came back. | ||
| Yeah, but you seemed like a little different he seemed like you I don't know you've seen Another level of stuff. | ||
| You've got another level of perspective from this travel thing that like added to your vision of the world, your overall world view. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of time to think also as you're seeing stuff. | ||
| You know, certainly as everyone would see out there like poverty levels where you're like, oh, I'm doing fine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, but not even that. | ||
| It's more specific. | ||
| It's just like... | ||
| I don't know, friendly people and like, yeah, just different versions of it. | ||
| Plus travelers. | ||
| And plus really getting to a place where you're like, don't need to do anything. | ||
| You know, after a month of that, it's like, okay, you just settle into this. | ||
| Like, I don't know, what's today going to bring? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, you wake up and you're just like, I heard there's this cool temple there, we'll go check that out. | ||
| Maybe get on motorbikes and go somewhere. | ||
| I heard there's a cool... | ||
| You just talk to other travelers and be like, there's a canyon up there, it's really neat. | ||
| Go check that out while you're here. | ||
| And so you just do, and at some point you're like... | ||
| You know how when you haven't gotten enough sleep for like a few days in a row, you've got four hours, four hours, four hours, and you sleep like 11 hours, and you're like, I am completely caught up. | ||
| So like not having any responsibility. | ||
| The stress level goes down, down, and then it's just like waiting in that zero responsibility life for like three months in that level, I guess. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, after the first couple weeks, and it's just like, I don't have anything to do. | ||
| Just like, oh, and just like fucking relax, man. | ||
| I would leave a city when it felt like the right time to leave a city. | ||
| You know, it wasn't even like a regular vacation where you're like, come on, we gotta do this, then move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| We got reservations somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, it was just like relax and then I could just think about things my art form in general people in my life You know what I want and don't want I'd have like moments of just like Yeah, take a 10-hour bus. | ||
| There's no Wi-Fi You know, you're just like thinking for a while Yeah tons of moments like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How did you know when to end it? | |
| So I was gonna come back for this show, but then I remembered my manager, my friend Eric, they wanted to do a show at Third Man Records in Nashville for the Wild West Comedy Festival, and I forgot about that, because people ask me, like, when do you have to go back? | ||
| Like, travelers I meet, and I was like, I'm open. | ||
| Dude, there were so many people that were just traveling open. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's really common? | ||
| I mean, three months is like a norm. | ||
| You have some people six months or a year. | ||
| I met an Italian girl who was going on her five and a half, fifth and a half years just traveling. | ||
| Five and a half years just traveling? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| She'd find jobs every once in a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, and it just goes where she wants. | ||
| It's very appealing. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Very fascinating, right? | ||
| That's like, nobody writes books about a guy who stays in his town that he grew up in. | ||
| I know. | ||
| The book is about the crazy traveler person who goes all over the world in a backpack. | ||
| Yeah, but there's three-month people all over America doing that. | ||
| I know there's a lot of tent people. | ||
| There's a lot of people that, like, they'll get, like, a truck. | ||
| You know, like some sort of a SUV thing and they drive it around to campgrounds and they camp and they use the showers at the campgrounds and then they do stuff enough for money so that they have gas and they keep traveling around and hope their car doesn't break down. | ||
| A lot of jobs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, this girl picked oranges in Sydney for like two months. | ||
| I had this dude on, Chris Cage. | ||
| He walked the Appalachian Trail. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's Georgia all the way to Maine. | ||
| And would he kill animals and stuff? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| I don't know. | ||
| How do you survive? | ||
| You would never make it. | ||
| You would never make it. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Well, you'd never make it if you were just trying to kill animals all the way. | ||
| You'd never make it. | ||
| So how do you eat? | ||
| You'd have to be an elite hunter, and you still might not ever make it. | ||
| Because if you're carrying that food around, it's going to go bad. | ||
| You're walking through Georgia in the summer. | ||
| No, I mean, you know, critters. | ||
| You're not going to get enough. | ||
| Just cook it that night. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, you'll starve. | ||
| It's way harder to kill an animal than people think it is. | ||
| In a movie, that's what they do. | ||
| It's like, let's camp, get some dinner. | ||
| Dude, it's way harder. | ||
| It's way harder. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless you're walking around with several high-powered rifles and scopes and you're setting up, you know where the animals are, they hear you coming, you're walking. | ||
| You're not going to be able to walk all the way to Maine. | ||
| Oh man, maybe that's you, but an experienced hunter like me, I understand. | ||
| You have to get in their heads, man. | ||
| They go to restaurants. | ||
| They buy food. | ||
| They stay in hostels. | ||
| They have these little camping spots where they have covered shelters. | ||
| And people share them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of that too. | ||
| Where it's just like, forget about what you need in terms of hotels. | ||
| That's all out. | ||
| You need a bed. | ||
| That's all you need. | ||
| Some people, they carry it on their back. | ||
| There's a thing called a bivy sack. | ||
| You know what a bivy sack is? | ||
| A bivy sack is either a bivy sack or a bivy tent. | ||
| They're essentially a combination sleeping bag tent. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| And it's super light. | ||
| Pull up a picture of a bivy tent. | ||
| Yeah, it's one of the reasons I didn't go to South America is because I was like, there's going to be more camping, it seems like, up and down the coast and stuff, and less cities. | ||
| And I'm just like, I don't know if I can camp alone for that long. | ||
| You might freak out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It'd be hard to get a good night's sleep around a bunch of weirdos and then speak their language. | ||
| This is what they look like. | ||
| Oh, neat. | ||
| So you keep that thing. | ||
| They wrap it up, put it on their back. | ||
| It's pretty light. | ||
| You can carry that with you. | ||
| Oh, it just keeps the fucking rain off you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's basically like just this tiny-ass little tent And like if you were a minimalist hiker, like if you're some guy who's trying to walk 50 miles or something crazy like these guys, they try to carry as light of stuff as they can. | ||
| They try to go as minimal as they can. | ||
| And that's one way that they do that. | ||
| And a lot of times they'll use like a little air mattress like that dude has. | ||
| Oh wow, blow it up. | ||
| Doesn't take up any space. | ||
| Yeah, just gotta hope it doesn't pop. | ||
| Otherwise you're sleeping on rocks. | ||
| It's hard, but... | ||
| That's what everybody did too, traveling for this backpack. | ||
| You just gotta make it work. | ||
| Space was like a... | ||
| That's another thing you learn too. | ||
| It's like, I don't need much stuff. | ||
| You go down to like, you know, just a backpack full if that's all your belongings. | ||
| If you buy anything, you gotta throw something out. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Like, there's a real movement right now towards minimalism. | ||
| Or where people are trying to pare their life down as much as possible. | ||
| Yeah, I think people don't want to get involved with, like, banks and fucking having to, like, mortgage themselves and their lifestyle just for the sake of, like, having things. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And so they get into, like, stuff like camping and hiking. | ||
| Well, it's also you got to think like, what do you really appreciate? | ||
| What's important to you? | ||
| Like, what's really important to you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you don't have forever, right? | ||
| So what is important to you? | ||
| Because you only have 24 hours in a day. | ||
| So what's important to you? | ||
| Find out what the fuck that is and do more of that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And try to figure out, like, how to make enough money so that you're not starving. | ||
| That you're doing well, but don't just chase that. | ||
| Chase what you're trying to do. | ||
| The point system attached to it, the monetary point system, it can get you all fucked up because it'll get you working like 12 hours a day, 13 hours a day. | ||
| To get what? | ||
| To get more stuff. | ||
| To get better stuff, to get more prestigious stuff, to get stuff that, you know, all your other stuff having friends are really jealous of your stuff. | ||
| Yeah, you're just gonna die, bro, and it's not even long term. | ||
| I mean, like, what are you getting out of it now? | ||
| That's what I meant. | ||
| That's what's most important. | ||
| Yeah, a ton of people that are like, I don't want that shit, so I'm just gonna do a job, you know, working on a tugboat in Seattle for a few months, save up money, and then go fucking enjoy myself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's a lot of people that are just choosing to look at everything that they can see, experience every new place that they can go to. | ||
| That Henry Rollins podcast, man, it's a world changer. | ||
| That crazy fucker, he's fascinating. | ||
| I never met anybody like him. | ||
| He's really fascinating. | ||
| Yeah, he goes and does stuff and sees stuff. | ||
| It was just also his outlook, how he simplifies all the things that are wrong with him and all the things that are wrong with the way he interacts with people, and so this is what I'm going to do. | ||
| His story about being given Was it Ritalin? | ||
| It was Ritalin, right? | ||
| From the time he was like five. | ||
| If he was a young boy, they gave him Ritalin until senior year of high school. | ||
| So he was like, I would just be on these pills. | ||
| I'd be like all day. | ||
| At the end of the day, like boom, he would like crash. | ||
| And then they'd do it again. | ||
| I mean, they were juicing him up with this crazy stuff. | ||
| He was an experimental case. | ||
| He grew up in, from what I understand, he's from Potomac, Maryland, which is the same county as where I grew up in, but that was the richer part of town. | ||
| Not that he was a rich kid, but Montgomery County is one of the richest counties in America, and that was just a standard thing. | ||
| If your kid's not performing ideally, he's learning disabled, give him some pills. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| People thought for a while that that was the way to go. | ||
| Just it's just fascinating that he's so like Henry's so intense and he's so like is he's got like these rock-solid Ethics and this view of the world. | ||
| It's very egalitarian and very open but also very aggressive Very interesting like he thought it out though. | ||
| It's not just like oh whatever and this is what I believe no matter what Yes, he's like, oh yeah for sure. | ||
| I thought about this and here's the answer. | ||
| Oh No, I super enjoyed talking to him. | ||
| Thanks for hooking that up. | ||
| Yeah, I'm glad it worked out. | ||
| Oh, it was great. | ||
| I was like, did you ever link up with him? | ||
| He was like, yeah, we did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was a good podcast. | |
| I was like, oh, hell yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it was really good. | ||
| I just love when someone is just soaking in as much as they can get. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just out there, like, let's go to Bali. | ||
| And he just goes to Bali. | ||
| Let's go to Africa. | ||
| Now we're in Tanzania. | ||
| Now we're in Botswana. | ||
| You know, and just meeting people and going out on the fucking sand dunes and shit with Bedouins. | ||
| If you get away from, like, the backpacker's path, you know, the tourist path, and sometimes it would get, like, too much. | ||
| But you just go out, and then you can, like... | ||
| Yeah, I really see some shit, like basically what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My friend Jesse's going back to Liberia in December. | ||
| They left after when Charles Taylor was taken over. | ||
| But now it's safe again. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, and they're trying to convince the world that it's a decent tourist place. | ||
| But Jesse's going back in December, like, dude, I'm coming with you. | ||
| I'm staying with your fucking family's house. | ||
| Not in the hotel, but let's see what shit's really like out there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| I bet it's a trip. | ||
| Did you ever see the Vice piece on Liberia? | ||
| Vice guy to travel and they went to Liberia and my man Shane, he was over there in Liberia talking to this dude who, his name is General Butt Naked. | ||
| This guy was famous for going into combat during the war. | ||
| He would take all his clothes off and he'd run naked. | ||
| Killing people naked. | ||
| Dude, he admitted he was talking about how they would capture a child from the other tribe and they would kill him and cut pieces of the heart out and eat it to give them invincibility. | ||
| He was talking about this. | ||
| And he's free on the streets and they exonerated him because now he's like a Christian minister. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty much only Charles Taylor got punished. | ||
| Everyone else was like, you're all done. | ||
| Go be part of the government. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Dude, this guy like openly talks about all the crazy shit that he did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| About cutting the hearts out of children and eating them. | ||
| You know how LaBear was started? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I didn't know that until recently. | ||
| Tell everybody. | ||
| Slave thing. | ||
| Freed slaves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They went back to President Monroe, freed them, and said, we'll ship you back there if you want. | ||
| And a lot of people were like, yeah, I don't trust you guys. | ||
| So I'm going to go back to Africa. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy. | |
| But they never grew up. | ||
| And so they called it Liberia for liberated. | ||
| And that's why they all speak English. | ||
| They don't have any African language anymore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| Yeah, Monrovia is their capital, President Monroe. | ||
| The idea of it is so crazy. | ||
| I know you use that expression too much. | ||
| What, going back and starting up a free slave country? | ||
| Well, just taking them and throwing them onto a patch of land. | ||
| Good luck! | ||
| It's like setting out a zoo animal into the wild. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like, have fun surviving. | ||
| Holy shit, man. | ||
| And just talk about feeling displaced and confused. | ||
| You didn't even grow up there. | ||
| We don't have any lions in fucking Georgia. | ||
| And you must be thinking to yourself, like, what kind of shit luck do I have? | ||
| I have double shit luck. | ||
| I have shit luck. | ||
| That I was a slave and then shit luck that I was thrown back to Africa. | ||
| I think that might have been the way to go. | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| To be free is better. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh yeah, 100%. | ||
| Or to be the semi-free post-slavery America. | ||
| Oh yeah, but I'm just saying, like it's still a bad hand. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Shit luck. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| You only get three cards. | ||
| The best you can do is three of a kind. | ||
| Well, this general butt-naked guy turned a dude in because the dude was selling human flesh. | ||
| And he knew because he had eaten human flesh. | ||
| So he knew what it tasted like. | ||
| So that's how when he was buying like shish kebab from this guy, he turned him in. | ||
| He's like, this guy was selling human flesh. | ||
| I could tell because I've eaten it before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| The fuck did you just say? | ||
| You could tell what it tastes like. | ||
| If I gave you a piece of lamb, would you know for sure that was a lamb? | ||
| I have an idea. | ||
| Yeah, an idea. | ||
| But I could maybe sneak in like a piece of wild sheep or something. | ||
| You might think that was lamb. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| This motherfucker knew. | ||
| That's him right there. | ||
| I think I know what human flesh tastes like. | ||
| That's him right there. | ||
| General butt naked. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got a taste. | ||
| It was human. | ||
| I called the police. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Nice talk. | ||
| He knows what human tastes like, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck! | |
| Jess said that when they were testing out rocket launchers to sell them to people there, they would be like, let me show you. | ||
| And they would just blow up a dam. | ||
| And so the infrastructure was totally fucked because everyone was testing out their weapons. | ||
| I'm like, no, we need that building! | ||
| Oh my god, that's so crazy. | ||
| Yeah, they're like, cool, it works. | ||
| I'll take ten. | ||
| Well, maybe it'll eventually calm down and be like Australia, right? | ||
| Because Australia was a place where they wanted to get rid of prisoners. | ||
| They shipped them off to Australia. | ||
| Now they're the best people ever. | ||
| Maybe that's exactly what's going to happen to Liberia. | ||
| They just need a couple of generations to knock the dust off. | ||
| Well, they got rid of Taylor, so they should be okay. | ||
| Yeah, maybe they'll be fine. | ||
| It just takes a while to rebound from some shit like that. | ||
| Yeah, but Henry Rollins has that of going to a place and like, let me see what this is like. | ||
| It's kind of inspiring. | ||
| There's not a whole lot of people that do it, that's for sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he works. | ||
| Like, his work ethic's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Like, I'm talking about his writing and what he's doing, and he's always doing something, he's writing columns, and... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he's just always... | ||
| So he goes and does stuff, and then he comes home and takes care of business. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he's like, cool, took care of it, go. | ||
| I think I would do this again after my next special. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're just gonna just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Every couple years? | |
| It's like, once you're finished with work, it's like, all right, before I start building up again... | ||
| Do a walkabout. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| See some of the world. | ||
| Yeah, do a walkabout. | ||
| I met a bunch of people doing gap years. | ||
| What's a gap year? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| What's a gap year? | ||
| It's all over every other country. | ||
| Just not ours. | ||
| What's that mean? | ||
| In between high school and college. | ||
| You're leaving your friends. | ||
| You're about to make new friends. | ||
| Oh, take a year off. | ||
| Get out of here for a year. | ||
| In between college and grad school or college and your first year of work, now's the time. | ||
| Well, European countries have a point in this more relaxed approach to the future and your life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| This conqueror's mentality. | ||
| I wonder how many heart attacks we have in comparison to European people. | ||
| I don't know, but it's like we're not living our lives. | ||
| You know Germans get off how many... | ||
| Are you familiar with the vacation time leave in America? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's two weeks, pretty much. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Two weeks vacation, two weeks sick. | ||
| Do you get paid vacation? | ||
| Paid vacation, two weeks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Is that standard? | ||
| Yeah, that's a standard. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| That's 9 to 530, you know. | ||
| In Germany, and most of Europe, definitely all of Scandinavia, you get 25 days off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Five weeks. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And, and, if you get sick during those weeks off, if you had to go to a hospital in wherever country you're in, and you showed them I was in a hospital, you get those days back. | ||
| They'll count against your sick time instead. | ||
| And they expect you to take the vacation time, too. | ||
| Not like here, where they're like, come on, you can't really use it. | ||
| You know what's fucked up? | ||
| Sick time. | ||
| Like, I ran out of sick days. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, exactly. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| You're sick. | ||
| Like, you're sick. | ||
| Like, either you're a fucking liar... | ||
| Or I trust you. | ||
| Now, if I trust you, you're just really unfortunate. | ||
| And if I love you and we're friends and we work together, I want you to get better. | ||
| Yeah, it sucks, but you have mono, so okay. | ||
| You don't have to come back to work because you already used up your 14 days. | ||
| You get exactly sick the same amount of time every year, too. | ||
| Can you imagine telling somebody, like, buddy, you're out of sick days. | ||
| I'm going to have to dock your pay. | ||
| You're dying. | ||
| What? | ||
| I can't breathe. | ||
| You want IVs and shit. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| You're out of sick days. | ||
| The calendar doesn't say that. | ||
| It doesn't back you up on that. | ||
| The statistics say, in order to keep revenue flowing, we must keep you in the process. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| You have a certain amount of days you're allowed to be sick. | ||
| That's fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Like, hopefully there'll be zero. | ||
| Whoa, I'm saving up my sick days. | ||
| What? | ||
| You save up your sick days? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| Like, your sick days carry over? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| So you get extra days where you can pretend you're sick? | ||
| No, you can save up sick days. | ||
| You can save up vacation days, but I don't think you can save up sick days. | ||
| I should be able to. | ||
| You should be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't get sick. | |
| I should be able to move them around like cards. | ||
| At least give you half of them back. | ||
| I took four. | ||
| I have ten left over. | ||
| Give me five for next year. | ||
| People with real jobs are so mad at us right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You motherfuckers don't know shit about sick days or work days to be under the thumb of an oppressive dictator. | |
| I'm saying it's terrible. | ||
| It's an expectation that you never take off. | ||
| You have to pour your whole life into that shit. | ||
| And it's like, oh man, go do some stuff. | ||
| Okay, let me play devil's advocate because if I was one of the people out there that likes to complain about shit, I'd be like, that's easy for you to say, Ari, you haven't had a job. | ||
| You don't have the responsibilities I have. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| Alright, I'll be quiet. | ||
| End of podcast. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm saying, though, they demand better. | ||
| They get it better in other places. | ||
| They absolutely should. | ||
| First of all... | ||
| For expectation that you go fucking see the world and go do stuff. | ||
| 40 hour a week work week is bullshit. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| You're not productive at that level. | ||
| Nobody should do it. | ||
| And it shouldn't be standard. | ||
| Everyone has to do the same amount. | ||
| Unless I want to buy something that you make. | ||
| Then could you please get everybody to do overtime and put in a night shift and give people time and a half for overtime so you encourage them to go overtime? | ||
| Yeah, time and a half. | ||
| You can get out of the mindset of having to work this time and just demand something better or more interesting for your life. | ||
| Well, it's just a weird standard that we've all accepted pretty much across the country. | ||
| 9 to 5, 9 to 5, 9 to 5. Morning, Sam. | ||
| Morning, Bob. | ||
| 9 to 5. It's 9 to 5.30 or 6. Oh, yeah. | ||
| If you want to take a lunch break, you don't get paid for that anymore. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| No, it's not 9 to 5 anymore. | ||
| Is that Trump? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he do this? | |
| No, no. | ||
| It's Trump. | ||
| It's been a long time. | ||
| Nine to five. | ||
| It's bullshit. | ||
| Nine to five. | ||
| Could you imagine? | ||
| What a weird, weird decision to make the most significant thing be the productivity. | ||
| Where's that horn going off, young Jamie? | ||
| You hear that? | ||
| Is it in the back? | ||
| Just give it a little double check. | ||
| Go out there with the baseball bat. | ||
| Tell them to shut the fuck up. | ||
| Walk towards them aggressively. | ||
| The move is walk out there with your dick in your hand. | ||
| That way you startle anyone you see and you always have the first move. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| They're reacting to you now. | ||
| Like, this guy's crazy. | ||
| He came out with his dick out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, if you're getting ready to fight and you just come out holding on to your dick, people are like, whoa, what's he planning? | ||
| A lot of people would back down from that fight. | ||
| A lot of people wouldn't. | ||
| A lot of people might not. | ||
| People would be worried that the dick would touch you. | ||
| But once it did touch you, we'd realize it really doesn't do anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's okay. | |
| That'd be the chief thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Punch him. | |
| People would have to lean back with their hands forward to try to get... | ||
| As if your punches don't matter, but the dick touching you does. | ||
| Yeah, like he's going to touch you and give you cooties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's going to zap you. | ||
| It's kind of like an electric-yield dick. | ||
| I gotta pee. | ||
| Right here? | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to leave. | ||
| You're gonna use a kombucha bottle? | ||
| Yeah, man, that's the healthiest bottle to pee into. | ||
| You've done this twice. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, we've done this on the podcast before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great. | |
| For sure. | ||
| I like the fact that you're willing to do that, too. | ||
| I don't think we can show it on YouTube, though, so we'll have to move away. | ||
| Oh, all right, guys, dick out. | ||
| Canberra bottles are great, too, because they have a big opening. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it doesn't vacuum up. | ||
| How often do you pee? | ||
| Do you pee several times a day? | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| But are you like one of them healthy water drinker dudes? | ||
| I pee a lot. | ||
| Are you a healthy water drinker dude? | ||
| Interesting detail that's just happened. | ||
| Oh, you ran out? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Jamie, go to the recycling. | ||
| Get me something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's alright, I'm pinching. | |
| I got a strong grip. | ||
| I mean, you can move it. | ||
| Don't have to take it. | ||
| Why are you touching the bottle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A cup? | |
| Not a bottle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seems like a bottle. | |
| Oh man, it's going back in though. | ||
| I can feel it's starting to swell back in. | ||
| That's not healthy. | ||
| I've been pinching too long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Should I pee into the cup? | |
| A bottle, yeah. | ||
| Oh, you emptied it. | ||
| Oh, thanks, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah, a lot went back into my urethra. | |
| Ari Shafir couldn't hold in his pee, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Couldn't means wouldn't. | |
| Filled up one kombucha bottle. | ||
| Here's a cap there, fella. | ||
| And then filled it up again. | ||
| I had to go empty it out for him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks for doing that. | |
| My pleasure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a real friend. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I didn't want to leave you hanging there, dude. | ||
| There was only one solution. | ||
| I almost went to the kitchen sink. | ||
| And then I'd be like, ew, then we'd have to rinse that out. | ||
| That shit would be nasty. | ||
| Dude, that bathroom sink is nasty. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You ever have a cleaner in here? | |
| No. | ||
| Oh, it looks like a bachelor. | ||
| We're on our way out of this place. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not that bad. | |
| It's not that bad. | ||
| You've just gotten used to it. | ||
| You've slowly seen it get worse and worse. | ||
| I like gas station bathrooms. | ||
| Trying to recreate that here. | ||
| Try to recreate that here. | ||
| I should definitely have someone come in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a fucking 409. Yeah. | |
| Do you like doing your podcast? | ||
| The way you're doing it, you just have a subject for the most part. | ||
| I mean, you can deviate once you start talking, but you have a set thing you want to talk to someone about. | ||
| Yeah, it keeps me focused. | ||
| And then it's also like I get to ask real detailed questions about stuff I want to ask about. | ||
| And usually I get it with some level of expert. | ||
| Not like the best in the world, but someone who has experience with something. | ||
| Like I'm an expert on stand-up comedy. | ||
| You know, I've been one. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So if you were doing that, I could tell you all about stand-up. | ||
| I know more than most people in the world. | ||
| You know about hunting more than most people, you know? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Yeah, but you've done it more than, like, Ian Edwards. | ||
| I know more than the average person, but in terms of people who actually know it, I'm very novice. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But at least you're aware of it enough to be like, yeah, I know about that world. | ||
| Yeah, I know a little bit about that world. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So yeah, I like doing it that way. | ||
| But imagine if a five-year comic started talking about what stand-up is. | ||
| That'd be a problem. | ||
| You'd be like, shut up, annoying boy. | ||
| It does take a lot longer with stand-up. | ||
| It's the same with hunting. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I'm a five-year hunter. | ||
| So for me, I just shut the fuck up and listen to the people that actually know what's going on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or parrot what they say. | ||
| It's too complicated. | ||
| Hunting is super complicated. | ||
| There's a lot involved in that. | ||
| Yeah, but generally, it's like Theo Vaughn climbed Kilimanjaro. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Or up to base camp or something. | ||
| I don't know, something like that. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Oh, he's great. | ||
| He's so funny, man. | ||
| Yeah, he's really hilarious. | ||
| He's so funny. | ||
| I was in the back of the OR the other night, and he was killing me. | ||
| I mean, killing me to the point where I was crying, tears were rolling down my face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's so silly. | |
| Did we hear him talk about being Brad Pitt? | ||
| That bit? | ||
| Yes, I did. | ||
| He's real funny. | ||
| He's really funny. | ||
| If you get a chance to see him, folks, if you're out on the road, unless Ari's in town. | ||
| Jason Tebow does an impression of him for Punch Drunk. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah, it'll just come in sometimes. | ||
| Him and Dean Del Rey. | ||
| He's just like, oh, I'm talking to Theo now. | ||
| He does it so good with that accent. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Part of what's funny about him, too, is his accent. | ||
| He's just fucking great. | ||
| So many funny guys there, man. | ||
| Dude, he stayed at my apartment one month. | ||
| I think it was in Edinburgh last year. | ||
| So he stayed at my place. | ||
| And he was like, oh man Ari, I got heavy into coke. | ||
| It just went fucking nuts. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he left it clean. | ||
| Better than anybody else who stayed there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Duncan left it pretty nice too. | ||
| By the way, that's the thing that kept me out a little bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Is that I was like, Duncan, you can stay at my place. | ||
| Because he was moving to New York right then. | ||
| He was like, don't get an Airbnb. | ||
| Just stay at my place. | ||
| But I was like, two days in when I got out there. | ||
| I was like, I made a huge mistake. | ||
| I should go back home. | ||
| Two days? | ||
| I mean, it was, yeah. | ||
| Right away, it's so different that I'm like, what am I done? | ||
| This is definitely a mistake. | ||
| What was the initial thought behind it? | ||
| What did you think? | ||
| Do you think that this is what I need to recharge? | ||
| No, I've been wanting to see the world for a while. | ||
| This guy Turner brought me out to a tour of China. | ||
| And I just sort of saw some of that place. | ||
| And it was like, just so, like the really, the meaning of the word foreign, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just way different. | ||
| And it's like, I just wanted to see more of that world. | ||
| And then I went with PDC to Thailand a couple years ago. | ||
| Went to one of those full moon parties. | ||
| And I just got more like, I want to see things. | ||
| I did a Scandinavian tour last year. | ||
| I made sure to leave days off in between shows. | ||
| So I could really see some of the cities. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I just get off and like seeing new... | ||
| New versions of the world and new experience of what people care about. | ||
| Well, I think we love to to Compartmentalize and to like look at our specific area because I think it's a part of being a human until recently like until you could travel like this We like what people liked was knowing the sort of security of their environment. | ||
| They know the environment well They're around all times. | ||
| No surprises. | ||
| I got this place a lockdown unsafe, but it's not adventurous It's not adventurous. | ||
| So this new thing that people were able to do, only really within the last hundred years, where you could just get up and travel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I guess there's probably world travelers. | ||
| Before. | ||
| Yeah, before. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| But I mean, how many of them did it recreationally? | ||
| Dude, it's so easy now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can stay at hostels for cheap as fuck. | ||
| You know, meet people and have them tell you what there is to do, where you are, where to go, where to not go. | ||
| When do you think that that was really an acceptable thing? | ||
| Hostiles? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I mean, world travel. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Like, when were you an invader? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| And when did it become okay to be a tourist? | ||
| I think it was always sort of okay to be, like, some guy in foreign lands. | ||
| As long as you're by yourself and not, like, an invading, you know, force. | ||
| But if you want to just visit somewhere... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I just wonder how many people did it. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Dude, here's what I noticed in Hong Kong and Shanghai, which are banking centers. | ||
| And the people that would come to the shows, expats. | ||
| Hong Kong had more locals because they had to speak English there. | ||
| But in Shanghai, let's say. | ||
| And it's like, if you're an English banker from London or somebody from New York, and you took the job in Shanghai, China, you have to have some adventurous bone to you instead of staying in New York or staying in London. | ||
| You have to be saying like, yeah, I'm going to go with my kids or without my kids. | ||
| I'm going to go fucking do this new thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And yeah, I mean, just to want to go do that. | ||
| You can do it now. | ||
| There's jobs everywhere. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My friend William Childress, he moved to Myanmar. | ||
| He got a job offer. | ||
| He's an architect. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So he's building houses in Myanmar? | ||
| Prisons. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Designing them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But like, it just opened up. | ||
| The army just let in people. | ||
| And he was like one of those first wave of people. | ||
| And he started doing stand-up out there. | ||
| Dude, that's gotta be a creepy feeling. | ||
| Building prisons. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| Yeah, designing them. | ||
| And now he's doing stand-up? | ||
| Yeah, he did all his time there. | ||
| He had the show I did in Bangkok. | ||
| He brought me out there from Myanmar. | ||
| He took a trip there and met me in Bangkok. | ||
| So do you think he's doing comedy to balance out the building prisons? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, he just does comedy. | ||
| I think here he's designing something else. | ||
| He's back in America now. | ||
| Because that's building prisons. | ||
| Not that we don't need prisons. | ||
| Not that there aren't bad people that should be locked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| But that's not what I'm saying. | ||
| He's got to design them, so he's got to make them more comfortable, maybe. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Make it so they can't get out. | ||
| That's what it's about. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They get a little bit of sunshine. | ||
| A little bit of sunshine. | ||
| Can't get out. | ||
| What's the wall situation? | ||
| It's a crazy thing when someone escapes from prison. | ||
| Wah, wah, wah. | ||
| And let the dogs go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. | |
| Can you imagine getting out of prison? | ||
| Oh my God, I must be so excited. | ||
| Digging a tunnel every night. | ||
| Or finding, you have to find the way out. | ||
| How do you know the way out? | ||
| How do you escape? | ||
| How about El Chapo? | ||
| He just walks down to the hole that's under his toilet that goes a mile plus into the ground and then pops up at some goofy ass house and gets in a car and drives off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| See ya, suckers. | ||
| Is he still free or is he in? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He's back. | ||
| They caught him. | ||
| El Chapo. | ||
| They did something. | ||
| He got injured too. | ||
| Something happened to him. | ||
| He hurt his leg or something like that. | ||
| Running through the tunnels? | ||
| I think he might have like broken his leg falling and they're trying to escape. | ||
| You know, he didn't look like he was the most fit fella. | ||
| He's too busy running shit to actually be running. | ||
| Well, El Chapo, if you can hear this, July 18th, my Netflix special comes out. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Shout out to El Chapo. | ||
| You might want to check that out, El Chapo. | ||
| Do you think he speaks English and would the comedy translate to him? | ||
| I think some of it would. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Some of it would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They'd have to have subtitles on Netflix, so. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I always wondered, like, that's one of the unique things about, like, learning a language, is the way they structure their sentences is very different. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| So you can't, it's not just, this word means that, and that word means this, so you just replace them. | ||
| No. | ||
| It's interesting when you talk to people from other countries, when you're out there, and you start to be able to translate their mistranslations. | ||
| Like, easy things, like what time it is. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They don't realize, like, that's a statement, not a question. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| When they say five years more, it means like, I've already been here five years. | ||
| So you have to understand what they really mean. | ||
| Sort of like that 72 virgins expression. | ||
| It means like a shitload. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, that's what it means. | ||
| 72 is like a shitload. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Yeah, it's not like a specific number. | ||
| Like when we see a few. | ||
| It's like technically it means three, but really it just means, I don't know, some. | ||
| A humongous amount. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| 72 virgins. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| And so we all took that as like, you think you're getting exactly 72 virgins? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, we don't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to do a whole bit about that. | ||
| 72 virgins. | ||
| Suicide bombers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| What page is this whole 72 virgins on? | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not even written anywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up! | |
| You shut up! | ||
| Do it! | ||
| Okay, I just want to know. | ||
| Why can't you just tell me what page it's on? | ||
| What a crazy world to think that there are people that will go into crowded areas like in Manchester and just blow themselves up and kill a bunch of people around them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Balls. | |
| Or just like belief? | ||
| Oh, belief for sure. | ||
| And then some sort of mental illness for sure. | ||
| There's a lot of issues. | ||
| Abuse maybe. | ||
| Maybe there's physical abuse. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Have an extreme desire to show their love. | ||
| You just think you're at war, right? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows what you think? | ||
| To break down the psychology of someone who's a suicide bomber would be very... | ||
| Like, you would have to do a tremendous amount of research before you started drawing any conclusions. | ||
| It's hard to find them to talk to them, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a problem. | |
| That is a problem. | ||
| The theoretical suicide bombers do not apply. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm thinking about doing it. | ||
| You have to get guys whose vests don't go off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, hey, we gotta talk to you. | ||
| Even then, like, what are you gonna get? | ||
| This is a recovered person. | ||
| They got through that moment where they're gonna blow themselves up and it didn't happen. | ||
| Now they've sort of had a chance to think about it. | ||
| How do you charge that guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Oh yeah, I wouldn't do that again. | ||
| I realize I was about to do that. | ||
| You know, there's a different, in deviant sociology, there's a different category for people who attempt suicide and people who commit suicide. | ||
| Really? | ||
| In the psyche of it. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| Because their thing is, if you attempted it, you weren't really trying. | ||
| It ain't that hard to do. | ||
| You were probably trying to cry out. | ||
| And the people who do it generally shut up about it more. | ||
| They just do it without telling people, like, I'm gonna kill myself, I want to kill myself. | ||
| So somebody said if people say they want to kill themselves, that's a good sign that they need help, but that they're not gonna kill themselves. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| There's... | ||
| Is there a different... | ||
| There's a different mentality between also someone who wants to kill themselves and someone who wants to literally be the bomb that kills a bunch of other people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a... | ||
| If you really believe in heaven and you're going there, though... | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| Get there. | ||
| Why wait? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You're for sure going. | ||
| It's like, you know, the Catholic confession on your deathbed, and then you go straight to heaven, but it's hard to time it right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If you confess all your sins right before you die, you have no sins left. | ||
| You're going to heaven. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You gotta time it right. | ||
| Yeah, and it's really hard. | ||
| These guys figured out the way to time it perfectly. | ||
| My act of blowing myself up gets me into heaven, wipes away all my sins. | ||
| Right. | ||
| One shot. | ||
| Unless... | ||
| As he blew it up, a part of him goes, fuck, right before he died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then he goes to hell for eternity. | |
| Too callous, Jamie? | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know anybody from Manchester. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just... | |
| What if you do it? | ||
| What if you do it and you think you're going to be in heaven? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you press the button. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| And then all of a sudden it's just you disembodied in an infinite black room. | ||
| It's just you forever in the blackness of infinite space with no stars just you alone With no body what's floating through eternity? | ||
| You just you you can experience the blackness of space But with no stars and nothing to look at no women forever just you just you just your consciousness and realizing how huge you fucked up forever and Oh, that'd be pretty bad. | ||
| You'd go crazy, right? | ||
| Then you'd come back? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Crazy? | |
| Then you'd come back crazy? | ||
| What would even be crazy? | ||
| Imagine if you have your consciousness. | ||
| Forever, with nothing to apply it to. | ||
| Nothing to apply it to. | ||
| And you're floating through infinity. | ||
| And you don't have a body, so you're not going to die. | ||
| That's pretty bad, man. | ||
| That's a pretty bad punishment. | ||
| That's pretty bad. | ||
| It's not good enough. | ||
| Wow, that would be real tough. | ||
| Still not good enough. | ||
| You should float forever through eternity while you're feeling like you're choking on dicks. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Like that feeling. | ||
| For eternity. | ||
| Because if you can exist for a second while you're choking on a dick, you could exist for eternity while you're choking on a dick. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| So that should be the punishment for suicide bombers. | ||
| They had The Simpsons when they had Homer going to hell. | ||
| And then the devil, or one of the demons, was like, so you like donuts, do you? | ||
| Try eating a million donuts! | ||
| And there's this conveyor belt that keeps shoveling donuts into his mouth. | ||
| And he keeps going, more please. | ||
| More please. | ||
| And then he's getting all fat and big. | ||
| He's like, please more. | ||
| Another one please. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You ever do the Simpsons ride at Universal? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| Is it really? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's a giant animated ride. | ||
| You just sit in a car. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| It's one of the best rides ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's so good. | ||
| Yeah, and it's all happening on a screen, but the car's moving around so it feels real, and it's an enormous fucking really high-resolution screen where it's showing this huge cartoon where this whole thing plays out. | ||
| Oh, it's fucking great. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| The Simpsons are a national treasure. | ||
| Yeah, they really are. | ||
| It's pretty great. | ||
| It's pretty great. | ||
| My whole adulthood, I guess. | ||
| They've been on since I was in high school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They were like one of the first Fox shows. | ||
| Dude, they were one of the first Fox shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
25 or something? | |
| How many years now? | ||
| Something crazy like that. | ||
| 30. 30? | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| High school. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It's forever ago. | ||
| It's always been there. | ||
| I'll never forget it. | ||
| I remember, like, what a great show. | ||
| Remember when Homer Simpson went to a chili cook-off and the peppers were so hot, he started tripping? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He had psychedelic trips. | ||
| You know what those peppers were? | ||
| The merciless... | ||
| The ghost peppers, right? | ||
| Isn't that what it was supposed to be? | ||
| Of Quetzalcoatl Nongo. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that what they called it? | ||
| The merciless ghost peppers of Quetzalcoatl Nongo. | ||
| Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum. | ||
| Yeah, that was a great show. | ||
| Goddamn, what a creative... | ||
| See, that's the thing about, like, Bill Burr's show, F is for Family, too. | ||
| Yeah, I haven't seen the new ones yet. | ||
| I heard they're great. | ||
| I heard they're really good. | ||
| Of course it's great. | ||
| Bill's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, um, you could do so much cool shit on a cartoon that you can't do in real life. | ||
| Here, watch the head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch the head. | |
| There it is. | ||
| Back it up. | ||
| The other head again. | ||
| People get decapitated. | ||
| They get blown up. | ||
| I mean, how many times does South Park kill Kenny? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| He just killed him. | ||
| He didn't care that he came back. | ||
| He just comes back. | ||
| I love how later they sort of dealt with it, with the reincarnation sort of stuff, and they said, I'm listening to things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He remembers all his past lives. | ||
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love when F's for Family, because there's a real... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| I was going to say the all-time best is South Park, but I don't really think there's an all-time best. | ||
| They're all awesome. | ||
| I don't want to say this is number one, this is number two, but South Park has had some fucking moments. | ||
| I won't miss that show is South Park, and for years it's been that. | ||
| You just don't miss any episodes. | ||
| There's no falling behind. | ||
| Oh yeah, somehow I just stopped watching a couple seasons ago. | ||
| It's just like, every year I get so excited when I see those posters on the billboard now, on the billboards on the subway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it's like, oh, it's back! | ||
| It's a fucking amazing show. | ||
| And it's been amazing forever. | ||
| Do you ever have Trey Parker on here on this podcast? | ||
| I would, for sure. | ||
| Oh, you should. | ||
| I would. | ||
| I'd have them both on. | ||
| And Matt, yeah. | ||
| You left Matt out. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| You don't even care about Matt. | ||
| Do you ever see that show where they show the making of South Park? | ||
| Six Days to Air. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Fuck, yeah. | ||
| Documentary. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| He's humbling, right? | ||
| Trey Parker? | ||
| Like his work ethic? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The way he goes after it, it's like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To get the fuck out of that guy's way. | ||
| Out of his way. | ||
| It's pretty much that's that. | ||
| He's like, hey guys, come out for a second. | ||
| What can I do with this? | ||
| And then someone will say something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cool. | |
| And then right back in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That dude from SNL working there that week, and he barely had anything to do. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Bill Hader. | ||
| Yeah, Hader. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| John Hader. | ||
| John Hader? | ||
| Bill Hader. | ||
| Bill Hader. | ||
| Who's John Hader? | ||
| Oh, Napoleon Dynamite. | ||
| Hey, let me ask you this. | ||
| What do you think of Bill Maher? | ||
| I've never been a Bill Maher fan. | ||
| What do you think of this whole recent controversy? | ||
| If I'm just casually dropping an n-bomb? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, he was trying to make a joke. | ||
| Exactly, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it didn't work, but he was trying to be naughty. | ||
| Yeah, that's all. | ||
| But they're making it seem like it's something more. | ||
| Anytime it's words that are like, you said this, it's like, yeah, said, said, not did. | ||
| Did is worse. | ||
| But it's also- Does he not hire black people? | ||
| That's a major issue, if he's never hired a black person. | ||
| But I don't think I've heard of that, so it's like his actions aren't... | ||
| We were talking about, before the podcast, this thing where they were talking about the Clintons in Arkansas in the governance mansion. | ||
| What show was that? | ||
| What show was it? | ||
| Did you see it, Jamie? | ||
| I read it. | ||
| I didn't see it on the show. | ||
| Oh, you read it? | ||
| It was getting passed around the internet yesterday. | ||
| It's got to be Russian disinformation. | ||
| It could be. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| But when Bill Maher, when they go like troubling from Bill Maher, I mean, I get it. | ||
| Even the Republican senator that he was there with was like, uh, what? | ||
| Like, I'm a little uncomfortable with this. | ||
| But sure, be uncomfortable. | ||
| And if I'm watching a guy who uses words that make me uncomfortable all the time, I'll stop watching, I guess. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Twitter erupts over news that Hillary Clinton used black prison labor while First Lady of Arkansas. | ||
| Newsweek.com. | ||
| And what does it have to do with JFK? I don't know. | ||
| JFK pushed the Democrats to... | ||
| Democrat right in 1969? | ||
| Pushed them to the right. | ||
| And Hillary Clinton did it in 2016. Huh. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Why does it not do that? | ||
| Here's the point. | ||
| Okay, when we moved in, I was told that using prison labor at the governor's mansion was a long-standing tradition which kept down cost. | ||
| Clinton writes, she adds that most of the workers were convicted murderers and she became friendly with, in quotes, a few of them African-American men in their 30s who had already served 12 to 18 years of their sentences. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Despite their alleged friendships with these men, Clinton tells her readers, we enforced rules strictly and sent back to prison any inmate who broke a rule. | ||
| Despite having no psychological qualifications, she later asserts that these men did not have inferior IQs or an ability to apply moral reasoning, but instead they may have been emotional illiterates. | ||
| Emotional illiterates. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| That's what she said. | ||
| I like how it says, despite having no psychological qualifications, she later asserts... | ||
| Despite having no ability to say this, she said, yeah. | ||
| It's kind of weird, though, that... | ||
| Slave labor. | ||
| Yeah, that is exactly what that is. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| No, no, it's just tradition. | ||
| It's like, yeah, but that doesn't mean you should do it. | ||
| Let's be honest, like, how much are they getting paid? | ||
| Zero. | ||
| What, fucking one pack of cigarettes a week? | ||
| Yeah, what do they get? | ||
| They do not pay inmates at all. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Clinton makes no mention of whether or not these men received any money for working for her and her husband. | ||
| A 2016 article from Mother Jones notes that when it comes to prison labor, some states include Texas, Arkansas, and Georgia do not pay inmates at all. | ||
| Holy fuck. | ||
| On Twitter, Jing wrote that Hillary Clinton was a direct participant in what Sam Sway? | ||
| Sam Sway? | ||
| It's at Sam Sway on Twitter, I guess. | ||
| Correctly described as modern slavery. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Dude, that's 100% slavery. | ||
| If you don't pay someone, you make them work because they did a crime. | ||
| That's a crazy thing. | ||
| We don't let them vote? | ||
| But you're making them work. | ||
| That's what's crazy about it. | ||
| It's like, it's not just that... | ||
| Your freedom's taken away, and they lock you in a box, but they also make you work. | ||
| Saying your lives aren't worth anything. | ||
| We can make you do whatever you want. | ||
| Yeah, and that dude from Phoenix makes you work in pink. | ||
| Oh yeah, that... | ||
| Jalar Pio guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's an interesting case. | ||
| He makes you put pink on. | ||
| To embarrass you. | ||
| Yeah, do you get embarrassed when you're wearing pink? | ||
| I wear pink sometimes. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, I'm not a big pink wearer. | ||
| I'll occasionally wear pink. | ||
| I'll admit, I'm not a big pink wearer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But at the same time, I don't care about it. | ||
| I'm not scared of a color. | ||
| I'm a rational person for the most part. | ||
| I remember in high school, like 13, 14, wearing pink ties and stuff. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Being a little embarrassed, but also being like, this looks good. | ||
| And then learning the word salmon makes it way more easier. | ||
| You know Gene LaBelle always wore a pink judo gi? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It's clean and sober, it says on all of them. | ||
| Clean and sober, with pink shirts. | ||
| Probably because they were drug offenders, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| He gets upset. | ||
| He wants everybody clean. | ||
| I mean, it's better than him making them right? | ||
| Clean, ing, and sober. | ||
| Oh, there's an ing in quotes around it. | ||
| That silly rascal. | ||
| And he's not taken out, ever. | ||
| Pink. | ||
| Um, so Judo Gene LaBelle was like one of the toughest men that's ever lived, did his judo with a pink gi on. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Fuck you, that's why. | ||
| Google Judo Gene LaBelle. | ||
| Judo Gene LaBelle was, uh, he was, uh, I know he was a national champion in judo, and I think he won a gold medal in the Olympics. | ||
| Dude, I saw Clay Guido see him once, and this was when Clay Guido was coming up, so he wasn't like, he was in the cheap seats with us, and he saw Judo Jean in the section where you sit, and he was like, oh, fuck! | ||
| And he just jumped, I don't know how he got past security, just like ran past them, just to go give that guy a hug. | ||
| There's Gene LaBelle and his pinky. | ||
| What is Gene LaBelle's accomplishments? | ||
| He's had a shitload of accomplishments in judo. | ||
| He trained Ronda, right? | ||
| He definitely did some training with Ronda, and he's also the guy that exposed Bruce Lee to grappling. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| To joint locks and joint manipulations. | ||
| What does it say here? | ||
| National champion. | ||
| So he won the AAU National Judo Championships in 54 and in 55. North American Heavyweight Championship. | ||
| See, NWA, all that stuff I think is like fake wrestling. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's real wrestling and professional wrestling. | ||
| There's no tag team in real wrestling, right? | ||
| So he was a national champion. | ||
| For some reason I thought he was an Olympic champion. | ||
| I might have made that up. | ||
| Is there a Greco-Roman tag team? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, that's not real. | ||
| So, you can see, like, there's a million pictures of him wearing this ridiculous pink gi. | ||
| How do I not know his accomplishments in judo? | ||
| Yeah, look at that pink gi. | ||
| Yeah, he's crazy. | ||
| He's always been crazy, too. | ||
| He's an L.A. guy, right? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He had one of the first mixed martial arts fights, too. | ||
| He fought a boxer. | ||
| Simone said he would go down there with Piper. | ||
| I guess Piper would train with him. | ||
| And he said we'd go down there and he'd get calls all the time for people challenging him. | ||
| Judo Gene. | ||
| Like, I can beat you up. | ||
| And he would just answer the phone all day. | ||
| Just going, well, come on. | ||
| Prove yourself. | ||
| I'm here. | ||
| I'll take you. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| Well, I'm here. | ||
| Eight to seven. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Just like some people are like, fuck you, come, I'll roll with you. | ||
| I'll beat you. | ||
| He was like in his 60s and he caught some kids breaking into cars in his neighborhood. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And one kid came after him and he just fucking manhandled this poor kid and threw him on the ground. | ||
| Imagine being thrown on the ground. | ||
| Like some 65-year-old? | ||
| 65-year-old judo black belt. | ||
| I'll show this guy what's up. | ||
| Blam! | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He put two dudes to sleep while they're trying to break into cars. | ||
| Ha ha ha ha ha. | ||
| He's just a different kind of human being. | ||
| It's just like if he got a hold of you, it's like being grabbed by some sort of a primate, you know? | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| The surprise is on your face. | ||
| Yeah, you just feel so weak. | ||
| Once you were in the air, you'd be like, how is this happening? | ||
| Before he slams your head off the ground, you've got to be thinking, how is he just throwing me around like this? | ||
| What a weird specialty. | ||
| The specialty of throwing bodies around. | ||
| You can become really good at throwing people's bodies around. | ||
| Did you see that, uh, what's it called? | ||
| Boom! | ||
| That's beautiful technique. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, nice. | |
| Putin giving some kid technique off the sideline here. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Wow, that's good. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| That kid has some technique. | ||
| Oh, so Putin gave him a tip. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Man, Putin walking on the mats with his shoes. | ||
| Come on, dude. | ||
| Putin would fuck up. | ||
| I would bet Putin would fuck up all the world leaders if we had a round robin. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| MMA contest with all world leaders. | ||
| Yeah, I got my money on Putin. | ||
| Definitely the big powers. | ||
| Trump's not doing shit. | ||
| Yeah, he's gonna win. | ||
| He's an actual judo black belt. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's real weird. | ||
| This bird literally looks like it salutes him back. | ||
| Should. | ||
| Goddamn Putin. | ||
| Bird knows his place. | ||
| Salute, motherfucker. | ||
| Salute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That's gotta be fake. | ||
| How does he bend his wing over? | ||
| You know, man, the real question with a guy like Putin is not, like, how much does he control. | ||
| It's like, what happens if that guy dies? | ||
| Oh, yeah, who takes over that power? | ||
| Dude, the vacuum of power behind that guy must be stunning. | ||
| They're a democracy, right, Russia? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sort of. | |
| Totalitarian democracy? | ||
| No, they have some sort of a democracy. | ||
| They have some sort of election process, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's... | ||
| President Gorbachev, right? | ||
| President Putin. | ||
| As long as you're not running against Putin, it seems to function fairly well. | ||
| He just took over again. | ||
| Then he was the president, then he went away. | ||
| He just came back like, fuck you guys. | ||
| And took it over again? | ||
| I think he came back again in 2012. He's been back for a while. | ||
| Yeah, but not that long. | ||
| Yeah, he was gone for a while, and then some other dude got into power, and he's like, hey man, you're the president. | ||
| And the guy's like, okay, okay, okay. | ||
| Look, it's not admirable. | ||
| That's what the guy from Narcos did, right? | ||
| He wanted to be just in government so he could run shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Escobar? | ||
| Escobar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pablo. | ||
| How good is that actor who plays him? | ||
| So good! | ||
| I was trying to figure out his name. | ||
| What is his name? | ||
| That dude who plays Pablo Escobar? | ||
| Goddamn, he's good. | ||
| And he's smoking reefer all day. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Just like a normal thing. | ||
| I forget his name now. | ||
| Respect. | ||
| God, that guy's good. | ||
| By the way, if you're watching... | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| What's that name of the show? | ||
| Narcos? | ||
| Narcos. | ||
| When you're done, make sure on July 18th and beyond to catch my new Netflix double special. | ||
| You'll already be on Netflix. | ||
| No sense of going back out to the Apple TV. Oh my goodness. | ||
| What day is that again? | ||
| July 18th, Joe. | ||
| It's Tuesday. | ||
| July 18th. | ||
| All over the world. | ||
| Fantastic. | ||
| At midnight Pacific time. | ||
| Are you going on the road at all? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, just fucking around, coming up with material, putting shit together. | ||
| Just coming up with new hours in town in 15s. | ||
| Looks like you're having fun up there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Was it weird to not be on stage? | ||
| Or did you go on stage at all? | ||
| No, I went to one show in Phnom Penh. | ||
| Saw a show. | ||
| Did you get the itch? | ||
| No, they asked me. | ||
| They knew me. | ||
| They asked me to go up. | ||
| Wow, and you said no. | ||
| I was like, nah, well... | ||
| One, I really wanted to see what the fully long break would do. | ||
| No sense of breaking it up just for one set somewhere. | ||
| It would be cool to perform in Cambodia, to mark that off a list. | ||
| I like doing that. | ||
| That's my bird watching kind of stuff. | ||
| What countries I performed in. | ||
| Cambodia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But I was like, no. | ||
| Also, I didn't want to be going around for the next two months with a fucking bomb on my shoulders. | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| I don't need to fucking walk around with that as, like, my last set. | ||
| Oh, so if you went up there and ate dick? | ||
| Yeah, and then I'm like, have I started losing it? | ||
| I'm gone. | ||
| I'm already nervous about that. | ||
| I don't want to fucking... | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| People are like, what are you doing? | ||
| I'm like, I don't even know anymore. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| What was it like the first time on stage after that long break? | ||
| A little weird. | ||
| I'd tell a story so I could at least base myself in things that happened, you know? | ||
| A narrative. | ||
| Yeah, a narrative. | ||
| Less is expected. | ||
| But then the next day I did, Nate Bargatze was there in Nashville. | ||
| So that's when I came home. | ||
| So they wanted to do this show in Third Man Records. | ||
| So I just wrote them a letter and I was like, hey, if you still want to do that, add it to the website. | ||
| I'll be home. | ||
| I'll just come home. | ||
| I'll see it. | ||
| I'll check it. | ||
| So I did Nate Bargatze in Friends the next day. | ||
| And that was just stand-up. | ||
| And I was like a little lost. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It was rusty around the edges, and I got to like 12 or 13 minutes. | ||
| I didn't want to do anything from the special. | ||
| So I was just like, what do I have new? | ||
| And I tried something that I thought of then on the road, which wasn't much. | ||
| I kind of shut my brain off to that a little bit. | ||
| Instead of writing jokes, I was like, nah. | ||
| A couple topics, and I was like, but that's it. | ||
| What if you had an awesome idea that just came to you out of nowhere? | ||
| Did you bother writing it down? | ||
| Yeah, I wrote just an idea. | ||
| This hasn't worked, so I'll just say it. | ||
| I saw two dogs at the end. | ||
| So many stray dogs out there. | ||
| It's everywhere. | ||
| It's everywhere. | ||
| And eventually it ends up on menus, too. | ||
| Just because it's like fish, man. | ||
| They're everywhere. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Yeah, why wouldn't you kill one to survive? | ||
| Did you eat any dog? | ||
| I did not. | ||
| Only because when I saw it on a menu, it's called RW in East Timor. | ||
| It was like a... | ||
| They have this Indonesian style of food, which is warungs. | ||
| It's just like windows with food left out. | ||
| Do you know how pizza places in New York, you point to a slice and they'll take it and warm it up? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's like that, but they don't warm it up, and it's meat. | ||
| So it's like bits of fish or chicken or beef, and then that was like dog. | ||
| So if it was hot out of the oven, I might have gone for it, but not leftover cold. | ||
| Cold dog. | ||
| Over rice. | ||
| It looked good, though. | ||
| It looked good. | ||
| I had to ask her four times what she said. | ||
| I had to keep checking my, like, translator. | ||
| And I was like, no, I think you're saying it wrong. | ||
| She was like, yeah, she had to act out like, bock, bock, bock. | ||
| No, that's not a dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Rough, rough, rough. | |
| I just do chicken. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm trying to do dog. | ||
| My friend Steven Rinello was telling me that they regard it as a hot food, not necessarily even just meaning spicy. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| That dog is like a hot food, meaning like there's something to it. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| It's like there's a special energy that you get from eating dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whoa, that's dark. | ||
| I can see that. | ||
| Because they seem more like... | ||
| Intelligent. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They seem to have feelings. | ||
| Hot food. | ||
| Like human meat. | ||
| You gain their souls. | ||
| He did a show with this guy where they shot and ate a coyote. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They cooked a coyote like they would cook like wild game. | ||
| And they opened it up. | ||
| They burned off all the hair. | ||
| And then they split it and threw it over like a grate and cooked it over coals. | ||
| Just threw some seasoning on it. | ||
| It's crackling and cooking. | ||
| And they just cut pieces of this coyote off. | ||
| And I was watching this going, why is it so disturbing? | ||
| When we choose one animal over another. | ||
| Why is that so disturbing? | ||
| Why is that coyote any different than a pig, which is totally normal? | ||
| It's just pet-wise. | ||
| I think that's all it boils down to. | ||
| When you don't have that, you don't have it. | ||
| It's even weirder than that, because nobody's got a pet coyote. | ||
| Dude, I saw something... | ||
| It's close enough to your dog that it can fuck your dog and get it pregnant. | ||
| Yeah, and they're like, oh, we don't like that. | ||
| It reminds me of... | ||
| It's so close to a dog. | ||
| It's so close to a dog that if it fucks your dog, it'll make puppies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I went to rooster fights. | ||
| That seems so crazy. | ||
| Doesn't that seem so crazy? | ||
| Imagine if a chicken could fuck your parakeet. | ||
| And make something still parakeety? | ||
| It opens the cage and gets in the parrot's cage and just fucks the shit out of them. | ||
| A chicken in a parrot's cage would be hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, they're a different species. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But pretty much it looks like the same thing. | ||
| Chicken just fucks the shit out of that parrot. | ||
| All the time you thought you had a girl parrot, the chicken opens up the door. | ||
| Just laying eggs. | ||
| Chicken gets in there and fucks the shit out of it. | ||
| Roosters are ruthless, man. | ||
| I don't have any roosters, but we were really worried. | ||
| When we were getting chickens, we were really worried. | ||
| That one would turn out to be a rooster. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We had that when I was growing up. | ||
| My parents had to give them away, so we had to bring them into the garage every night, because we'd wake up the neighbors in the fucking middle of the suburbs, and they're just like... | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
| Two hours before sunup. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not sunup. | ||
| It's way before sunup. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| They can sense it coming. | ||
| Oh, those cunts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just screaming next to your neighbor. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah, we were in Santa Barbara and some guy had one. | ||
| But he had it, like, 1,000, 2,000 yards away. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was far, but you could still hear it. | ||
| But it was kind of cool. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It wasn't obnoxious, like if it was right next door. | ||
| It was way across this canyon. | ||
| I was like, wow, that's kind of cool. | ||
| That wouldn't even bother me. | ||
| I got used to it being out there. | ||
| All those countries, they just had them around. | ||
| So wherever you were sleeping, there were thin walls. | ||
| You would just hear them. | ||
| Dude, I want to get peacocks. | ||
| Cool, we have peacocks. | ||
| I want to get pet peacocks. | ||
| I'm going to go full Hunter S. Thompson and have some pet peacocks. | ||
| I had to bury one of them. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, he'd fucking reach his head out of the latticework to try to eat the grass right outside, and the fox was just waiting for him. | ||
| Took his head, left the body inside. | ||
| Foxes are clever. | ||
| Clever girl. | ||
| Very clever. | ||
| I went to a rooster fight in Timor-Leste. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In terms of what we accept and what they will, you know, different things. | ||
| Dude, they're doing that shit in Encino. | ||
| Are they really? | ||
| I guess so, right? | ||
| I know a place. | ||
| There's places in the valley that might as well be Mexico. | ||
| Have you ever seen one? | ||
| I've never seen the actual fights, but I've seen the fighting roosters. | ||
| I've seen the pens. | ||
| There's a dude that I know who knows a dude who's got like a hundred of them in his backyard. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Fighting roosters? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In a lot of these Mexican neighborhoods, dude, it's like super normal. | ||
| They don't view it as weird at all where I saw it. | ||
| They were like, you're not taking pictures? | ||
| I'm like, oh, I didn't want to get you guys in trouble. | ||
| Like, why would it get us in trouble? | ||
| What do you mean we're outside? | ||
| Right. | ||
| In those countries, it's not bad at all. | ||
| The general owns the fucking ring where they all do it. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But then if you can do that... | ||
| Then you can justify dogs. | ||
| Like, well, what do we do about dogs? | ||
| Well, dogs are a little smarter. | ||
| It's a little different. | ||
| There's strays out there. | ||
| They are strays. | ||
| California authorities seize over 7,000 birds in the largest cockfighting bust in U.S. history. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's like three weeks ago. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| In the valley. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Valley Verde. | |
| Santa Florida Valley. | ||
| See, I told you. | ||
| I'm making this up. | ||
| That's meth town anyway. | ||
| You say meth town, I say rooster town. | ||
| Hundreds of gaffs are slashers. | ||
| Yeah, they put these razors on the back of their back claw. | ||
| Isn't it... | ||
| I mean, it's... | ||
| They give them steroids? | ||
| Really? | ||
| For the animals were also recovered. | ||
| I didn't see any of that. | ||
| Syringes and steroids. | ||
| They got juiced up chickens ready to fuck you up. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| I want to, like, do a Viceland piece on that. | ||
| Watch these dudes shoot their fucking chickens up with steroids and have them go out there, like, and hulk out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| 2,700 birds. | ||
| They went back to the same spot. | ||
| But here's the thing, man. | ||
| They went for it 10 years earlier. | ||
| It doesn't bother you or me like it would if it was dogs. | ||
| No. | ||
| It just doesn't. | ||
| But I'll be honest. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They don't look like us. | ||
| Not nearly. | ||
| But I thought it would be really barbaric until you see it and you're like, oh, it's not really that bad at all. | ||
| I've seen dogfights. | ||
| I was in New Orleans and I saw a dogfight. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Impromptu. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was out with my friends. | ||
| There was a pit. | ||
| One fucking pit bull came in and another pit bull came into this pit. | ||
| And we're like, what's going on? | ||
| And they did it. | ||
| And it was, I mean, vicious. | ||
| It was vicious. | ||
| These cockfights are just like, they fly at each other a couple times, and then one gets like woozy, kneed, and then falls. | ||
| Is the cockfight ready? | ||
| Yeah, that looks like one. | ||
| Inside, huh? | ||
| See, the dogfighting thing, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's nice. | |
| The dogfighting thing to those people... | ||
| Mean the people that believe in it, I'm sure they would argue with you that there's no difference between dogfighting and rooster fighting. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Most people think there is because dogs are smarter. | ||
| It was just, but it was also bloodier. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It was just like more like them ripping each other's fucking everything out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The other, the other fights are over 30 seconds and you don't even see blood most of the time. | ||
| It's just, it's just there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But, yeah, in terms of animals, if I saw a dead animal on the side of the road, what would bother me more? | ||
| A dog or a rooster? | ||
| It's on YouTube? | ||
| They have cockfighting on YouTube? | ||
| The World Slasher Cup. | ||
| Oh, the World Slasher Cup. | ||
| I've been waiting for this. | ||
| Dude, I DVR'd this. | ||
| Watch, that guy's going to hit the other one in the back to move him, or he's going to pick him up and throw him towards the other one. | ||
| Is that what they do? | ||
| Yeah, they're not going at each other yet, so they have to really throw them towards each other. | ||
| So most of the time, if they put a rooster near a rooster... | ||
| See that? | ||
| He's got it tied. | ||
| Yeah, they'll come out to each other. | ||
| They're probably like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| So in their back foot... | ||
| Yeah, here we go. | ||
| Oh, then they're going at each other. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And one will start pecking the other one soon. | ||
| So they're catching each other with these feet and slicing them apart. | ||
| That's their normal way of fighting, too. | ||
| See, the other one's fucked. | ||
| That one is fucked. | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| He's down. | ||
| It's dead. | ||
| They stop it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, they must be both mangled though. | |
| Yeah, he takes his blood. | ||
| Oh, they peck at him. | ||
| The ref has to choose when it's over. | ||
| He's called it. | ||
| Is it dead? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dude, that rooster got fucked up. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Look how fast that is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you don't even see really how it's like barbaric. | ||
| It's just quick and over. | ||
| Do you think that... | ||
| Yeah, because they're covering all those feathers. | ||
| And then they eat that one tonight. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So where I saw the winner, the owner of the winner gets to eat the loser. | ||
| They take it home with him on their bike. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And they're eating chicken tonight. | ||
| How weird. | ||
| And do you think that rooster fights again? | ||
| I saw them sewing a rooster up. | ||
| Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| They said he gets two months off, gets to live a fun life for a while, and then he'll be back in fighting. | ||
| So sometimes the winners get nothing happen to them, sometimes they get a little fucked too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Sometimes they both die. | ||
| These are the rooster houses? | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| But wait a minute, that looks like a doghouse. | ||
| This looks like what they do with pits. | ||
| Is that really roosters? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Oh, they're on top of it. | ||
| And they sleep under it if it rains? | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| The places where they fight dogs, they'll have like a giant yard and they'll have like 10 dogs plus out there on chains. | ||
| And they're all connected to these little tiny houses just like that. | ||
| It's really creepy because they're... | ||
| They're not really dogs. | ||
| I mean, they're dogs in the sense of the actual animal they are as dogs, but they're these things... | ||
| Not pet-like at all. | ||
| No, there's no pet to them. | ||
| They're these things that have been... | ||
| They're just bred to fight. | ||
| And I'm sure they can handle them. | ||
| You know, I'm sure there's like a few commands they understand. | ||
| But their life is not about being pet and loved and climbing on the bed. | ||
| They're like Khaleesi's Army. | ||
| What's their name? | ||
| What are they called, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Those ones with the tics cut off. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| What do they call themselves? | ||
| They were just slaves trained to fight. | ||
| They're eunuchs, but that's not what they call themselves. | ||
| The Chicago something? | ||
| No. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Yeah, fuck. | ||
| That show needs to come back. | ||
| It takes a while. | ||
| The Unsullied? | ||
| Unsullied. | ||
| Unsullied, the Unsullied, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's what those dogs are. | ||
| They're like Unsullied. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they just, they have their dicks and balls, though. | ||
| The unsullied, the problem with those guys is they've been neutered so they can't fight that good because they don't have any testosterone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| These dogs have everything. | ||
| They're ready to rock and roll. | ||
| They just live to fight. | ||
| And that moment that they get to fight is like the only thing they're looking forward to. | ||
| And they're brief and like really miserable existence. | ||
| So the more they exercise them, the more they... | ||
| Just train him and get him ramped up. | ||
| They're just prepping him for this one moment where he gets to do what he actually wants to do. | ||
| What he's made to do in life. | ||
| It's not even his fault. | ||
| It's like that dog's bred that way. | ||
| They've encouraged that behavior, like, generation after generation, by careful selection, culling dogs that don't fit the criteria. | ||
| Like, it's one of the reasons why people love pit bulls so much. | ||
| Like, once you have a pit bull, other dogs seem so dumb. | ||
| Because they're so smart? | ||
| They're so tuned into you. | ||
| And they're like... | ||
| Remember Squeaky Fromm? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| She was like a little demon. | ||
| She was like tuned into me and she would lock onto me. | ||
| But if any other dog got anywhere near her and tried to take my attention, she would kill it in front of me. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She would just want it dead. | ||
| It's like, get the fuck away from him! | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they're very intense and tuned into you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| And a lot of people like it. | ||
| Well, I got her. | ||
| She was already a... | ||
| She was a pound dog. | ||
| I got her. | ||
| She was like 11 months old. | ||
| She was cut up. | ||
| She had definitely been in some sort of a fight, whether it's an organized one or something. | ||
| But she was a mess from the moment I got her. | ||
| She was just such a cute little dog. | ||
| And loved you to death. | ||
| Just couldn't leave you alone. | ||
| Want to sit right next to you, put her head in your lap. | ||
| Just a big sweetie. | ||
| Just the sweetest dog ever. | ||
| But like, these eyes. | ||
| There's like, they had like, ready to die for you eyes. | ||
| Is that the one you had to put down? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She killed my other dog. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The nature is not their fault. | ||
| I mean, they've essentially been selected over many, many, many, many generations to be incredibly dog aggressive, incredibly prey-driven, and almost impervious to reacting to pain. | ||
| That's what's so terrifying about them, is that they don't care. | ||
| They like to fight. | ||
| They're not worried about getting hurt. | ||
| They're looking forward to this. | ||
| They want to do it. | ||
| They're wagging their tail and they're biting each other. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| They wag their tails. | ||
| They're locked faces on each other, and their tails are wagging back and forth. | ||
| Like they're having the greatest time. | ||
| I saw a thing for some, like, OC County fair. | ||
| They train their dogs to do tricks and shit. | ||
| And they said they've gotten to the point where, this reminds me of this, where the treat they get for crashing the Frisbee eventually becomes the Frisbee. | ||
| So, like, they're trying to catch, like, cool, I got to grab that frisbee. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And I can throw it again. | ||
| So, like, I got to grab the frisbee again. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Instead of, like, I got the frisbee so I can get this fucking piece of meat. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| So it seems like those dogs, too, it's like, oh, I did the task. | ||
| Thank you for letting me do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what I wanted to do. | ||
| They get those working dogs. | ||
| You ever been around like a real working German Shepherd? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, they're so intense. | ||
| They're like a live wire. | ||
| First of all, they're like a real big German Shepherd. | ||
| It's probably like... | ||
| I want to say like 90 pounds. | ||
| Google what's a big German Shepherd. | ||
| It's not the hugest dog in the world. | ||
| They're not like a Mastiff. | ||
| But they are so fast and they're so taut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're just like fucking ready to go. | |
| Ready to go and looking at you. | ||
| And this dude was demonstrating different... | ||
| He trains dogs for the police department. | ||
| He was demonstrating different things. | ||
| 71 pounds is a big one. | ||
| Oh, adult male, 88 pounds. | ||
| So yeah, close to 90 pounds. | ||
| I got attacked by one of those wearing a suit once. | ||
| Dude! | ||
| It's so strong. | ||
| Oh, they're so strong. | ||
| They just keep wriggling your hand until you're on the ground. | ||
| They're just so fast. | ||
| And you've got to think. | ||
| They're so fast. | ||
| They're on you. | ||
| They let them go, like, jump. | ||
| Now think that, right? | ||
| That's a 90-pound animal. | ||
| Now think of a wolf. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Double that. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Double that and have it more athletic, stronger, much harder bite. | ||
| You ever seen a wolf in the wild? | ||
| No. | ||
| Almost. | ||
| I think I might have, but it was so dark, I could only see that it was some sort of a dog-like creature that was running across the dirt road ahead of us while we were in hunting camp waiting to get picked up. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nervous! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| A little bit. | ||
| Yeah, when you're standing outside in grizzly country and there's wolves. | ||
| So you can't wander off to go piss. | ||
| No fucking way. | ||
| You all have to be together. | ||
| You have to be together and you both have to be paying attention. | ||
| And you should talk. | ||
| And since it's out, it's late at night, you don't have to even worry about whispering. | ||
| Like, you're not trying to scare anything, you're trying to let things know that you're there. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| So they're not surprised by you. | ||
| Not surprised by you. | ||
| They hear you coming. | ||
| They can avoid you if they choose to. | ||
| But if something decides that it's gonna come towards you, look at the size of these wolves. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Dude, if you saw a wolf in the woods... | ||
|
unidentified
|
They killed it. | |
| I wouldn't even trust that would think it was dead. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'd be like, ah, man. | ||
| Look at the size of these things. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| These are enormous wolves. | ||
| Oh, that's the dead one? | ||
| The one in the top middle? | ||
| You know what's really interesting? | ||
| These wolves that you're seeing, although they're all just wolves, these wolves are wolves from Canada. | ||
| And it's one of the reasons why they're so big. | ||
| One of the reasons why they've been so devastating to elk populations and deer populations. | ||
| Oh, look at that one's got deer in his mouth. | ||
| Half a fucking carcass. | ||
| Yeah, a leg. | ||
| Just a leg with a... | ||
| Dude. | ||
| He looks thin, too. | ||
| They're so powerful. | ||
| They're just incredibly powerful, incredibly cunning killers that act in packs. | ||
| And love the snow. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They can do shit in the snow where other animals are fucked. | ||
| Like, they can run through the snow. | ||
| They thrive in ridiculous cold environments. | ||
| Because that's when other animals are vulnerable. | ||
| And they can wreak havoc on them. | ||
| They're a crazy animal, man. | ||
| But they look like a dog. | ||
| So we have this weird connection with them. | ||
| Where we think of them as dogs. | ||
| Like, it's our friend. | ||
| It's Mr. Fluffy. | ||
| Because they're shaped the same way. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I mean, they do look nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And when you see them alone, you're like, oh, if that was, you know, with no scale. | ||
| If I can remember, I'll tell you this bit I'm doing about it. | ||
| About wolves. | ||
| It was a real encounter I had with a dog and a wolf. | ||
| Where a dog met a wolf for the first time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll tell you later. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| But that animal is not the same animal that used to be here. | ||
| They killed a bunch of wolves, so they had to reintroduce wolves to try to bring the population back. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| But when they reintroduced wolves, they brought them in from Canada. | ||
| They're way bigger. | ||
| Canadian moose are bigger. | ||
| Canadian people are bigger. | ||
| Polar bears. | ||
| It's a fucking hardier climate up there, man. | ||
| You get a different sort of an animal. | ||
| Oh, they got the wrong ones. | ||
| They got a big-ass wolf. | ||
| It was way bigger. | ||
| So you can't ever just go off because they'll wait for you to be alone. | ||
| Well, they definitely could if they chose to. | ||
| Most of the time they avoid the fuck out of people. | ||
| They seem to know that if they fuck up and do something to people, then bullets start coming and then everybody dies. | ||
| They're smart enough to kind of understand that. | ||
| They're not smart. | ||
| They wouldn't do anything that you would think would be extraordinary for an animal. | ||
| It's not like they have superhuman powers. | ||
| But they have an unusual ability to plan and coordinate. | ||
| And they talk to each other. | ||
| They yell out and talk to each other. | ||
| And they give locations. | ||
| And they all kind of intuitively understand what the task is. | ||
| But when they're operating together, it's pretty stunning to watch, man. | ||
| I've watched a bunch of videos. | ||
| Never in real life, obviously. | ||
| But a bunch of videos of them coordinating an attack on animals. | ||
| Dude, it's amazing. | ||
| We heard we're at a... | ||
| Which campsite? | ||
| Malibu Cook State Park. | ||
| You heard coyotes or wolves? | ||
| Coyotes. | ||
| But I just like the way they were sort of talking to each other, too. | ||
| We saw... | ||
| A skunk. | ||
| At first, we sort of smelled one, and we heard two coyotes kind of like yelping. | ||
| And we're like, they got sprayed by a skunk. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| We're just filling this in. | ||
| We have no idea. | ||
| But it really seemed like that. | ||
| Hearing them going, just a couple of them. | ||
| And then later, we saw a skunk. | ||
| Tried to spray us. | ||
| Didn't have much. | ||
| We think that's the same skunk that like sprayed out, and now he's got nothing left in the tank. | ||
| Does that work like that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| This is what we all think. | ||
| And then, like, a little bit later, this guy kind of, like, came at us, but didn't, like... | ||
| He tried to spray. | ||
| He got the dog. | ||
| My friend Mervis. | ||
| Do you know Mervis? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Front bartender. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| They got his dog, but just, like, a little bit. | ||
| Just bit it? | ||
| No, just like with a little bit of like spray, but like not much. | ||
| Not enough where it was like terrible. | ||
| Just bad. | ||
| And then we heard like 10 or 15 coyotes all howling. | ||
| They'll bite you too, right? | ||
| A skunk's a predator. | ||
| Yeah, he was coming out of his bare teeth and stuff. | ||
| I had a skunk trying to get into my chicken coop. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, and then I read about him like that's one of the things they eat. | ||
| They'll eat chickens. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, the spray is for self-defense, not offense. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But they'll fuck you up. | ||
| Imagine getting fucked up by a skunk. | ||
| Like, he fucks you up and you smell like shit. | ||
| And you have to, like, heal your wounds and nobody wants to help you. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, imagine if, like, you got in a fizz fight with a skunk in your backyard and he zaps you and then bites the fuck out of you. | ||
| Scraped up and rabies. | ||
| And he jumps over your fence and you run inside, you're covered in blood and you're like, oh my god, this skunk bit the fuck out of my face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And your wife's like, get up! | |
| Out of here! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You smell like shit. | |
| Get away! | ||
| She doesn't even care. | ||
| Oh my god, you have to wash yourself outside. | ||
| It's cold outside. | ||
| Get out! | ||
| You smell like skunk. | ||
| Oh my god, I'm never gonna clean this up. | ||
| Oh my god, this house is gonna smell like skunk forever. | ||
| I'm so mad at you. | ||
| You're mad at me? | ||
| I got fucked up by a skunk. | ||
| Imagine a skunk biting your dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a skunk. | |
| Oh, you're like this. | ||
| You love fucking creatures. | ||
| On my trip, I saw Komodo dragons. | ||
| Oh, in the flesh? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Out in the wild? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You went hunting them. | ||
| Not to kill, but just to find them. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| To what? | ||
| What? | ||
| I found out later you're not supposed to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ, boy. | |
| But I didn't know, man. | ||
| I was real close and I just touched one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, dude, that's so scary. | ||
| He was sort of walking away and it was like, it's so close. | ||
| And I was like, just grabbed. | ||
| Yeah, they had these guys with weird pointed like V-sticks, like long sticks with like a little tip at the end that like can like put... | ||
| It's weird, but this one guy we had was like way into snakes and reptiles and shit. | ||
| He's like, let's go hunt. | ||
| Let's go find them. | ||
| We went out into the brush. | ||
| I wonder if a Komodo dragon was the inspiration for that thing that the alien would do from the movie Ridley Scott movie Alien where it would open its mouth and all the slime and everything. | ||
| They have all this bacteria in their mouths. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like supposedly if you get bit you're still gonna lose your leg. | ||
| We've gone over this at least twice and I always forget which it is. | ||
| That they used to think that it was a toxin and now they think it's bacteria or they used to think it was bacteria and now they think it's a toxin. | ||
| Well, I read bacteria. | ||
| Yeah, it's like a botulism. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's something... | ||
| Lots of different types of bacteria in their saliva. | ||
| And it's toxic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they know it. | ||
| And so they'll bite an animal and fuck it up and then they'll follow it around. | ||
| So I was reading this thing about a water buffalo that this Komodo dragon attacked. | ||
| They saw it bite it and then it followed it for like two days. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Just waiting for it to croak. | ||
| Oh, so this guy I met in somewhere deep in... | ||
| Okay, so it's the island of Flores. | ||
| Is where you can sort of like be? | ||
| That's where the Hobbit people were. | ||
| Flores? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In Indonesia? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you mean the Hobbit people? | ||
| There's little Hobbit people that they discovered. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Dude, they discovered that within the last... | ||
| Shit, I want to say 14,000 years ago? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Within the last 14,000 years, somewhere in that range, humans shared time on Earth with another kind of human being. | ||
| This little tiny three-foot-tall human being that had completely different features than us. | ||
| Yeah, really conscious. | ||
| Homo floriensis or florensis. | ||
| And that was the flora. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| 12,000 years ago. | ||
| 12,000 years ago, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's nothing. | ||
| Okay, that's nothing. | ||
| 12,000 years ago. | ||
| Like, I'm... | ||
| I mean, I'm trying to imagine that those people were just like us 12,000 years ago, and they were a tiny little thing, almost like a cross between a human and a chimp. | ||
| They don't really know exactly what their skin color was or what they look like. | ||
| They put it next to a drawing of a full-grown, like, now man, and he's shredded. | ||
| Yeah, he's jacked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm gonna fuck this little thing. | ||
| Perfect muscles, doesn't ever eat fast food. | ||
| Throw some dick into this little critter. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| There was even speculation that they had eaten humans or attacked humans. | ||
| Do you think they bred with us and that's why they're shorter out in Asia? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| No? | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| See that one, the drawing on the far left, Jamie, with the guy holding the spear? | ||
| That's what they think he looked like. | ||
| There's a full-sized version of that. | ||
| See if you can find that. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| So these were like almost like what we were like, I guess, when we were on our way up the food chain. | ||
| And they just developed differently, so they sort of stayed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Australopithecus or something like that, like one of our earliest ancestors. | ||
| Yeah, it's real close to Australia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, Australopithecus is like a modern human, but like one of the first versions, I think, I want to say a million years ago, but I'm probably just making that number up. | ||
| But, you know, human beings in this form, they don't know the exact number, obviously, but they think we've been around in this form for only about a quarter million years. | ||
| Give or take. | ||
| The Komodo dragons have venom. | ||
| They do have venom. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Okay, so they used to think it was bacteria, and now they think it was venom. | ||
| I gotta show you this picture. | ||
| I saw one on a rock, and you go right behind some leaves and some branches, so you get up close to them, and it's still sort of scary, because you could probably get through the branches, but probably not. | ||
| And you can just take a picture from that close, all the saliva's coming out. | ||
| I'll show you this at the store one night. | ||
| Can you imagine the horror that you would feel if a kimono dragon was clamped down on your calf and you felt all that hot poison going into your body and you were trying to get away and you broke free with a big chunk taken out of your calf and it's about to leap on you and you're trying to run away with a limp. | ||
| You're hobbling away and screaming no and no and running through the bushes and you look back and you see it just taking its time walking towards you. | ||
| Three of them coming towards you. | ||
| Taking its time because it knows it doesn't have to chase you. | ||
| Just tracks you. | ||
| Because you can't go far. | ||
| You're all fucked up now. | ||
| So wait. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| There they are. | ||
| So beautiful. | ||
| And you know eventually it's going to catch you sick and shivering and it's just going to start eating your asshole first. | ||
| They get these things. | ||
| Yeah, they just bite him in the legs and shit. | ||
| But they gotta be careful they don't get stomped. | ||
| He smells with his tongue. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| They use the tongue to smell. | ||
| What a creepy fucking creature. | ||
| A giant... | ||
| Yeah, so these buffalo, they're not natural to the area. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| They've been added in. | ||
| So they don't know what the fuck this- Oh, they've been added in to feed them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| So they grow and shit, but then they die. | ||
| So they go to the watering hole, and the Komodo dragons know that they're gonna go to the watering hole, and they just fucking wait for him. | ||
| And so he jacked him on the leg, and then he's slowly making his way towards him. | ||
| Imagine if that was you, and you had to see that thing walking up the bank towards you. | ||
| Some guy got killed. | ||
| You'd be like, no, I'm a person. | ||
| You're not supposed to eat me. | ||
| I can think and I can reason and I'm progressive and I have health insurance. | ||
| I have two credit cards. | ||
| They killed a kid. | ||
| I have to call someone. | ||
| Don't eat me yet. | ||
| I have to make a call. | ||
| Hold on, let me get this text. | ||
| Don't eat me yet. | ||
| I have to check my Facebook. | ||
| Don't fucking eat me! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm checking Twitter! | |
| Look, there's a bunch of them around that one. | ||
| Just going asshole first. | ||
| And you're feeling all the blood rush out of your body while this creepy lizard's chewing on your butt. | ||
| They eat everything except those boar's heads because of the horns. | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's not a boar, I mean an ox. | ||
| If they get a boar, they finish the skulls too. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| They eat the skulls? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| So just those fucking, what they're called, heads are the only ones left because of the horns. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Fuck them up on the inside. | ||
| So they eat the bones? | ||
| Yeah, they killed the kid. | ||
| They ate his stomach out. | ||
| He went to pee, but alone. | ||
| And they're like, oh, this one's by himself. | ||
| So this guy I met in Flores, in DeFlores, his guide found a boar that had been bitten and was dying in the bushes. | ||
| And so he was like, hey, you guys want to see some shit? | ||
| So this boar was kind of like, uh, like this, the venom had started to catch up. | ||
| And he took him, he dragged him to the watering hole and he threw it in there. | ||
| And they just ripped the shreds in front of them. | ||
| He showed me this video he made. | ||
| It was so fucking cool. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| What is, look at the size of the bone that guy's eating. | ||
| Yeah, they're all on something. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| There's something about them. | ||
| The cold, unfeeling look in their eyes, like when he opens his mouth and you see all those teeth. | ||
| Saliva. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| But that eye. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's a real creature. | ||
| All black. | ||
| That's a thinking creature that's trying to eat you. | ||
| It's trying to eat either you or a buffalo. | ||
| It eats a water buffalo, man. | ||
| It doesn't use knives. | ||
| It's not using... | ||
| There's no fork. | ||
| There's no bullets. | ||
| It's eating a goddamn water buffalo. | ||
| So we're going through waist-high grass trying to find these things. | ||
| And then you see one pop its head up. | ||
| It's there! | ||
| And you've got to get behind it and try to force it down the mountain. | ||
| No! | ||
| But there's other ones around, so you've got to stay close, keep your eyes up. | ||
| It was pretty cool, man. | ||
| You would love that. | ||
| No, I wouldn't. | ||
| You're into monsters like that. | ||
| You would love that. | ||
| I'd be terrified. | ||
| I don't want to be around them, man. | ||
| Why are you around them? | ||
| Oh, it was so cool. | ||
| Well, I found out when I was in Bali and I was like, I'll probably go to somewhere else from there. | ||
| And then this guy from Jakarta was like, you know, you're right next to the Komodo dragons. | ||
| You can do that. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| That's here? | ||
| And it was just a couple of boats and you're fucking there. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Dude, fuck that. | ||
| No, man. | ||
| What if they got you? | ||
| You would love it. | ||
| They almost got Sharon... | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Sharon Stone? | ||
| Sharon Stone's husband? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What do you mean they almost got him? | ||
| He was a newspaper man. | ||
| He was like a reporter. | ||
| And? | ||
| Or a journalist, rather. | ||
| And he went to do something in a cage with Komodo dragons and he had socks on. | ||
| And the fucking thing thought it's white foot. | ||
| It was a zoo. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And he went and got him? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Bit his foot. | ||
| Bit the fuck out of his foot. | ||
| Dude went to the hospital. | ||
| Crushing his big toe while thrashing his body around. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What? | ||
| He had to undergo foot surgery. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it was a shoeless foot. | ||
| Oh, I thought it was a sock. | ||
| Crushing his big toe. | ||
| Ouchie, wah-wah. | ||
| Oh, the zookeeper asked him to remove his white tennis shoes to keep the five-foot-long reptile from mistaking them for white rats. | ||
| It's like, hey, yo, dude, take your shoes off. | ||
| You'll be cool. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| As long as it knows... | ||
| And then they attack that foot. | ||
| It's like, why'd you tell me to take the shoe off? | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| At least I had a shoe on. | ||
| The feeling he must have had as that thing is biting his foot. | ||
| Natsuki must have been like, I'm really sorry about that. | ||
| He had severed tendons. | ||
| They had to reattach severed tendons and rebuild his big toe that was crushed by the dragon's jaws. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| You have to piss again? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Hey, do you have enough room in that? | ||
| I have enough room. | ||
| This has got to be a half one. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| You sure? | ||
| Yeah, but there's only a little bit left because I had to pitch it back in. | ||
| Don't overspill. | ||
| Don't overflow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I won't overflow. | |
| You're peeing. | ||
| Professional this man, but here's the thing about animals like kimono dragons and wolves. | ||
| I love the fact that they're real. | ||
| Yeah, it's one of the things that makes life Fascinating is that there are these Ruthless merciless predators Jamie's shielding his eyes from Harry's dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh The image want to just put the image on me for a second educational You don't want to show his Jamie, could you get away with doing this on YouTube or Instagram? | |
| We might be in trouble just because we mentioned that you're peeing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| That level of censorship on the internet? | ||
| No way. | ||
| Here's the deal, dude. | ||
| Do you know that if you whipped your dick out and took a leak in front of a school, you'd be charged as a sex molester? | ||
| Dude, I do that all the time, and thank you for telling me because I will stop. | ||
| Yeah, for real. | ||
| Like, say if you're walking past the school and you're like, God, I gotta take a leak, and you just innocently walk towards a patch of trees, and you piss there, and someone from the school calls the police. | ||
| Because you had your dick out? | ||
| You have your dick out in front of a school. | ||
| You can't go like, oh, come on, guys, you know what I was doing. | ||
| I know a dude who got charged with that. | ||
| I know somebody who, well, we both know somebody who was hooking up with a girl on school property late at night. | ||
| They needed a place to pull over so they could fuck in the car. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But since it was on school property. | ||
| But it was fucking 2 a.m., you know? | ||
| Yeah, they're trying to discourage that. | ||
| Well, yeah, I get that. | ||
| They don't want her condoms thrown out the window. | ||
| Just showing up for school in the morning, dropping your kid off. | ||
| Your kid slips and breaks her hip because she stepped on a condom. | ||
| Those little shiny school shoes that kids wear with the hard bottoms don't get good traction. | ||
| Whoop! | ||
| So aren't there rules about doing stuff within a thousand feet of school? | ||
| Yeah, stuff like that. | ||
| There's so many schools in Hollywood. | ||
| There's gotta be so much shit happening within a thousand feet of them. | ||
| Wasn't that one of the issues, too, with pot shops? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, they can't open up, that's how they, yeah, fucked with them, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You can't be anywhere near this or that. | ||
| School or church. | ||
| The church part's hilarious. | ||
| It's like, uh-huh. | ||
| If that's really the case. | ||
| I wonder if that really is still the case. | ||
| But I get it, though. | ||
| If you really believed and you really believed that your church was sacred and important to you, you wouldn't want, like, one door down. | ||
| Yeah, maybe not one door down, but it's not all churches. | ||
| They're not the ones with the lawns like you see in the movies. | ||
| A lot of them in L.A. are just, like, in between two apartment buildings. | ||
| But also the question is, who gets to choose? | ||
| Who gets to choose that? | ||
| How much distance between a church and a liquor store? | ||
| I want to know, is selling liquor okay? | ||
| Is it okay? | ||
| It seems like it's okay. | ||
| It seems like a lot of people are doing it. | ||
| It seems like a lot of people are buying it. | ||
| It seems like we all agree. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| So if it is the case, A thousand foot radius. | ||
| Radius of a church. | ||
| Pull that up. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Other rules in Detroit. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Shops are also prohibited from operating within a thousand foot radius of a church, school, park, liquor stores, or other dispensary or a drug free zone such as a library. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| They also must close by 8pm. | ||
| Other dispensary. | ||
| Liquor to store. | ||
| Other dispensary. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| This is a result of people going, well, I don't want them right next to this while I'm doing that. | ||
| But this is saying that they can't be close to a liquor store. | ||
| Like, a liquor store is the same as a church. | ||
| That's what they're saying. | ||
| Weird, you're right. | ||
| They're saying a pot shop can't be the alternative to a business that's already established. | ||
| Oh, like a liquor store. | ||
| That's what they're saying. | ||
| Don't quit booze. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they're saying you can't be... | ||
| So, the liquor stores must have lobbied to have that put in there. | ||
| They must have figured out a way. | ||
| Is there a liquor store union? | ||
| There's a state liquor board, so yeah. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, there's obviously... | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| Like, the church makes sense, reluctantly. | ||
| I get it, though. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The school... | |
| The liquor store doesn't make sense at all, you're right. | ||
| The school makes sense. | ||
| The liquor store doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, why can't I just walk right next door after I buy some weed and buy a beer? | ||
| Why do I have to go 500 feet further? | ||
| They don't have them here, but in Ohio, they still drive through alcohol places. | ||
| They have them in Phoenix. | ||
| Yeah, Louisiana. | ||
| Yeah, there's places where you can drive through and they'll give you mixed drinks. | ||
| Mixed drinks? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's like, how are you going to justify it? | ||
| I'm not having this later. | ||
| Drive-thru bar. | ||
| It's my passenger's drink. | ||
| I wouldn't drink and drive, officer. | ||
| I don't think I looked that up. | ||
| Your passengers can drink. | ||
| Only the driver can. | ||
| Louisiana's on another level. | ||
| New Orleans is on a totally different level. | ||
| Were you with me in New Orleans when we had this driver? | ||
| For sure not. | ||
| We had this driver who's hilarious, a funny fucking dude. | ||
| I wish I could remember his name, but he was cool as shit. | ||
| We had him for a couple of days. | ||
| And when we're hanging out with this dude, he was telling me that he got pulled over outside of New Orleans because he was walking on the street with an open beer. | ||
| I forget where he was, some other city. | ||
| And they pulled him over. | ||
| And he had two beers in a paper bag. | ||
| And when they pulled him over, he was talking to the cop. | ||
| The cop's like, where are you from? | ||
| And he's talking to the cop. | ||
| He pulls out the other beer and cracks it open and starts drinking it. | ||
| And the cop's like, is there something fucking wrong with your head? | ||
| And he's like, what? | ||
| He goes, where are you from? | ||
| He goes, New Orleans. | ||
| He goes, oh, okay. | ||
| Oh, you don't know. | ||
| That's not allowed in other places. | ||
| You can't do that anywhere else. | ||
| And he's like, for real? | ||
| He's like, why? | ||
| I'm not doing anything wrong. | ||
| I'm just walking. | ||
| I forget where he was, but he was outside of New Orleans for sure. | ||
| But he was saying that he had no idea that you couldn't crack open a beer and start drinking in front of a cop when he's asking questions. | ||
| He's like, in my mind, I haven't done nothing. | ||
| That's the best about Southeast Asia. | ||
| You get a beer, you walk with it like a fucking free American. | ||
| You're just like out there. | ||
| You're not going to do anything. | ||
| Have a good time, man. | ||
| There's too many dumb young dudes that would bring drinks and splash them on people and be walking on the street with open beers and be goofy. | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| Maybe just here. | ||
| Maybe here. | ||
| But London's got a little bit of that. | ||
| They drink outside? | ||
| No, maybe not in the streets. | ||
| They drink like in outdoor pubs. | ||
| I've seen it in England, with people boozed up on the streets, beating the shit out of each other. | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, that's gonna happen, sure. | ||
| But it's like, don't put yourself in a position where you have to fight all the time. | ||
| I wonder what the argument is for... | ||
| It's not about drinking outdoors or not. | ||
| It's about, like, don't drink so much. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, don't get so drunk that you can't control yourself. | ||
| Yeah, but you can do that in one space, or you can walk and do it. | ||
| That doesn't matter. | ||
| I wonder what the argument is for a 2 a.m. | ||
|
unidentified
|
like... | |
| Cut-off time? | ||
| Yeah, it's over. | ||
| It's all Christian shit, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| It's all remnants of Christian shit. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Why can't we just be up longer? | ||
| Miami, it's like 5 a.m. | ||
| New York, it's 4 or later. | ||
| A lot of places, it's not. | ||
| I've heard they're going to change it to L.A. to 4. Four? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I heard they're about to change that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Maybe not. | |
| The Comedy Store is super weird. | ||
| They'll still close it, too. | ||
| You don't have to be up until then. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Yeah, good point. | ||
| There's guys who want to go up. | ||
| Good point. | ||
| We could have some weird-ass shows, man. | ||
| I might do a 2 a.m. | ||
| set. | ||
| If they ever do that, I might book myself for a 2 a.m. | ||
| set. | ||
| Dude, the Comedy Cellar. | ||
| I go up a lot after 2 a.m. | ||
| to packed rooms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Packed. | ||
| I mean, like, what time do those shows start? | ||
| They start late, but they're supposed to start at like 11.30? | ||
| And I'm up at like 145, too. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it's just like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And it's hot. | |
| It's still a great crowd, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if those are the kind of people that are up... | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are on different schedules. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| A place like New York, you can find 150 of them. | ||
| You can go up at 11.30 p.m. | ||
| and start my night. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you'll still have a great long time. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people in New York, like, they fucking go hard. | ||
| They go so hard. | ||
| There's so much drinking in New York. | ||
| You meet people at their show, and it's not like giving me a number. | ||
| It's like, let's go somewhere right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's just go to a bar. | ||
| There's 30 within walking distance. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's just talk. | ||
| Let's go somewhere. | ||
| You know, Duncan had Greg Fitzsimmons on his podcast this week, and I've only listened to the first 10 minutes or so, but Duncan was talking about how different New York is in terms of diversity and all the different cultures and people. | ||
| Yeah, he's liking it. | ||
| I've seen him a couple times. | ||
| It's been pretty fun, man. | ||
| Just be able to booze up and not have to worry about getting home. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| I walk home from the stand, he takes a cab, you know, it's the normal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is he living in Brooklyn? | ||
| He's living in Brooklyn. | ||
| Of course he is, that fucking hippie. | ||
| No, that's right for him, for sure. | ||
| That's the spot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he was a Silver Lake kid, and then he went to, he's doing the same thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's in like Williamsburg, right? | ||
| I think Park Slope. | ||
| Same shit, isn't it? | ||
| No, Williamsburg's past, like, it's over-gentrified. | ||
| Oh, it's gone too far. | ||
| So not only rich kids with style can afford it. | ||
| Ooh, I like it. | ||
| I might move in. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's my style. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was watching one of those house flipper shows. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What is the real estate? | ||
| Million Dollar Listing, that's what it's called. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Million Dollar Listing in New York. | |
| And they had a house that was for sale in Brooklyn. | ||
| They built like a Georgia mansion in Brooklyn in like 1920. And they were trying to put mansions, like southern style mansions, in Brooklyn. | ||
| It's like an 11,000 square foot house. | ||
| I can't afford Williamsburg. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I thought I had to go there because I wouldn't be able to afford Manhattan. | ||
| And then I found out when I got there, I'm like, oh no, no. | ||
| Manhattan's cheaper now. | ||
| The cool parts of Manhattan where I live, it's cheaper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| Than the cool parts of Brooklyn. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| This gentrification has this path. | ||
| At first you have... | ||
| Bad neighborhoods. | ||
| We're not talking about warehouse gentrifying. | ||
| That's different. | ||
| But like, you know, ethnic gentrifying. | ||
| Actually, both. | ||
| So first you have criminals or warehouses. | ||
| And then the people who are cool artists who have no money, they'll move in. | ||
| They can get a giant loft for basically nothing because you've got to worry about getting stabbed or having nothing around you. | ||
| They start adding the art to the area, making it more interesting. | ||
| Then people like Duncan and me come in. | ||
| Where we're like, we like it. | ||
| I'm not going to be the front lines of this shit. | ||
| I need some place to go get some food. | ||
| But there's still criminals around or lack of stuff. | ||
| And then the rich people who don't have style of their own, they move in and co-opt the other people's style. | ||
| And then you start getting too many coffee shops. | ||
| Then they start changing the laws to drive out the people who live there. | ||
| There's a park where they all camped out in Gowanus. | ||
| And every Sunday they would cook out there. | ||
| And they started saying, the rich people were like, the smoke is going to my windows. | ||
| So he started making laws about how you can't have cookouts. | ||
| And that pretty much just drove out the people who wanted to have that as part of their life. | ||
| You don't make the laws saying it's illegal to be ethnic, but you make laws around it. | ||
| Dude, there's a park down the street from here that we could go to. | ||
| It's like only a couple minutes away. | ||
| And if you go there on the weekends... | ||
| It's like a festival. | ||
| It's like people use those barbecue crates that they have out there. | ||
| They get down. | ||
| They set up picnic tables. | ||
| They lay out a cloth on the picnic tables and paper cups and shit. | ||
| And they got coolers. | ||
| They're pouring like Kool-Aid and shit. | ||
| They're cooking all kinds of different things on these racks. | ||
| And there's like maybe five, six families spread out in these areas that are doing that. | ||
| And then these kids are playing and everybody's running around. | ||
| It's a lot of people that live in apartments that don't have a lot. | ||
| They don't have a big backyard. | ||
| So now they just go to the park. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| And there's like this sense of community. | ||
| Everybody's laughing. | ||
| They got music playing. | ||
| People are drinking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Are you allowed to drink booze in the park? | ||
| How's that work? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I know tailgating, you gotta use cans. | ||
| You can't use bottles. | ||
| But if you're sitting there on a picnic. | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| Can you? | ||
| I think maybe it's look the other way kind of stuff, if anything. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| I mean, you've got to be able to have a beer. | ||
| You're having a cheeseburger in the park. | ||
| That's how I mean. | ||
| Some of these freedom laws are like, I'm not going to do anything, man. | ||
| Let me have a beer with my family. | ||
| This doesn't hurt anybody. | ||
| Well, if everyone did that, you're going to have drawings. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, but that's not me. | ||
| I'm not that, so let me do it. | ||
| What kind of diseases can you get from one of them park grills? | ||
| Who's cleaning that grill? | ||
| Dude, one of the best barbecues I ever had was on top of, in Vail, on top of the mountain. | ||
| So we were skiing, I was skiing with his chef, and he had a bunch of fucking chicken in his back, marinating in one of those bags. | ||
| What? | ||
| While he was skiing? | ||
| Yeah, so he kept shaking it up. | ||
| He's snowboarding, hitting jumps. | ||
| He's just marinating his chicken. | ||
| And then he's like, hey, you want to eat with us? | ||
| I'm like, yeah, sure. | ||
| He's like, oh, no. | ||
| I was going into the restaurant party. | ||
| He goes, no, no, out here. | ||
| Just use that thing. | ||
| And it's just grilled fucking chicken up on top of fucking the Rockies. | ||
| It was so good. | ||
| So did he have like a little grill in his pack, too? | ||
| No, they had the public grill up there. | ||
| Oh, that thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So he just got some wood and stuck it out of there? | ||
| There was just coals going, I guess. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| People would like to do that up there. | ||
| Those things are so nasty. | ||
| So nasty. | ||
| Who's on birds shitting on them? | ||
| Nobody's ever cleaning them. | ||
| Nobody's ever cleaned any of those. | ||
| But I guess the idea is once the fire gets going, nothing's going to stay alive on it. | ||
| I guess? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When that motherfucker gets red hot to the point where you can sear a steak, nothing's surviving on that. | ||
| I mean, isn't that the whole principle behind cast iron pans? | ||
| Like you don't really wash a cast iron pan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, you don't. | |
| You just sort of scratch out everything that's there, throw some water on it. | ||
| But like that dark blackness that you get from a cast iron pan, I don't know why, but when I cook on one of those, I feel like a fucking man. | ||
| Cast iron grill, man, it's the best. | ||
| I feel like a man. | ||
| A cast iron frying pan. | ||
| I feel like a man. | ||
| If you give me a choice, there's a cast iron pan and some bitch ass fucking tungsten, one of those ones that you could flip a cheeseburger without putting any non-stick. | ||
| Those are so gross. | ||
| In Myanmar, they used those non-stick pans, and a lot of that got into your food. | ||
| Because they had been cooking that shit for like 10 years on the streets. | ||
| Just scratching it. | ||
| Just street cooking. | ||
| Just fucking, here you go. | ||
| And you're like, shut off to it. | ||
| Let's go. | ||
| Just eat it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's going to come out in metal flakes. | ||
| My dog ate a packet of glitter. | ||
| Really? | ||
| And he shit glitter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit glitter? | |
| Yeah, he shit glitter. | ||
| It's like roped up in his shit. | ||
| I was going to take a picture of it and put it on Instagram, but I was thinking it's probably like... | ||
| They could probably take that down. | ||
| Get mad at you. | ||
| For shit. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I bet they could. | ||
| I bet there's rules. | ||
| You can't show tits on Instagram. | ||
| Why? | ||
| On Twitter, it seems like you could show people fucking. | ||
| Stavros. | ||
| This guy Stavros is a comedian. | ||
| He's a fat guy. | ||
| Fat, cute, great guy. | ||
| He's on my podcast this week. | ||
| But like, he used to have... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was. | ||
| But he used to take these naked pictures. | ||
| He just liked his big, fat, naked body. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Sometimes you see butt. | ||
| Never dick. | ||
| And he would just be naked with one foot in front of the other. | ||
| They were hilarious pictures. | ||
| And Instagram was like, nah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's like, come on. | ||
| How rude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People wrote blogs about him saying he's body positive. | ||
| Instagram deleted a comedian's accountant. | ||
| Bring back Stavvy Baby. | ||
| Stavvy Baby? | ||
| Stavvy. | ||
| Stavvy. | ||
| S-T-A-V-V-Y. Yeah, look how funny those are. | ||
| The fucking Marrier Brothers one? | ||
| Yeah, they're funny. | ||
| You just see a butt cheek. | ||
| You don't see his asshole or anything like that. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. | ||
| Come on, Instagram. | ||
| A sad picture with fucking ice cream over his dick where he dropped one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| Funny pictures. | ||
| Why would that be offensive? | ||
| Like, are we that scared of nakedness? | ||
| I had one where I had to pay off a bag of bets on Punch Drunk. | ||
| A bag of bets? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We put bets in a hat, and so when you have like a, oh, I think so-and-so's definitely gonna win, you know? | ||
| I think Aldo's definitely gonna win. | ||
| I think the other guy's definitely gonna win. | ||
| And you're like, well, let's pick out of the hat. | ||
| So you have to do whatever the bet says. | ||
| That's what you have to do. | ||
| Wear a diaper for 24 hours. | ||
| No shitting anywhere else or pissing anywhere else except in a diaper. | ||
| One change. | ||
| One change of diaper. | ||
| Yeah, so I had to piss in one, and I did it in the shower, and I took a video of it, and YouTube was like, nope, not allowed. | ||
| Well, they were naked. | ||
| Wearing a diaper. | ||
| Fully wearing. | ||
| I think YouTube is super worried. | ||
| I hate that shit. | ||
| They're super worried about being able to put ads on things. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And being able to keep things... | ||
| It's lame, though. | ||
| It should be free. | ||
| I agree! | ||
| But who's got to pay for that infrastructure, son? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| I guess so. | ||
| Can't be showing people fuck. | ||
| That would be what YouTube would become. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not fuck! | |
| Okay, not fuck. | ||
| You don't have penetration. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, why? | |
| You can't be free. | ||
| You're absolutely right. | ||
| Change my opinion. | ||
| Absolutely, you should be able to show fucking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Show some sucking dick. | |
| Yeah, parents, you want to put some blockers on there? | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Do you know the story of that guy Vincent Gallo? | ||
| The actor? | ||
| No. | ||
| Made a movie called Brown Bunny. | ||
| Oh yeah, he got full head. | ||
| Sucked. | ||
| She sucked it. | ||
| In Chloe Seventh-day. | ||
| And she just blew him on camera. | ||
| So she's second wave gentrification. | ||
| When she comes into your town, you know it's about to be. | ||
| You're still in it's cool and hip, but the Wall Street people are going to come in soon. | ||
| She's second wave? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's first wave? | ||
| Artists, poor artists. | ||
| They afford to put up with a crime. | ||
| And then they bring a coolness factor to the area. | ||
| They use whoever's living there, the indigenous cultures. | ||
| Yeah, like what they do in downtown LA, right? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| What is that shirt? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Cold Blue Rebels. | ||
| Cold Blue Rebels. | ||
| You know Danny Lucas, the sound guy in the main room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, yes. | |
| It's his band. | ||
| Oh, no shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love Danny. | ||
| It's a zombie rockabilly. | ||
| Zombie Billy, I guess. | ||
| Zombie rockabilly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a pretty cool band, but I think they're breaking up. | ||
| So what's next, Ari Shafir? | ||
| Well, so I got this Netflix double special. | ||
| No, I'm good. | ||
| July 18th. | ||
| I'm building my new hour. | ||
| Want to get back in the road and see more places? | ||
| I want to see more things. | ||
| Yeah, everybody, it's going to be a great double special. | ||
| It's going to be really cool. | ||
| Now, when you're writing your new shit, like when you're doing it now, are you incorporating experiences that you had when you were on this walkabout? | ||
| I love the term walkabout. | ||
| I love the term walkabout as well. | ||
| Are you physically writing them? | ||
| Or are you having these stories that you're trying to work out on stage? | ||
| I do some of that, but my new hour is not going to be that. | ||
| So those will be like side bits. | ||
| Mostly I'm kind of hearing what Rollins said, too, about how he does it, and it's like, oh, some time to process it, you know, use it as, like, references and things, instead of, like, bits about that, you know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know where you have, like, just a tagline about something and not the whole bit about something? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| So just in terms of, like, yeah, I incorporate it when it comes up, when I start thinking about it. | ||
| Bill Burr said it once, where it's like what Segura asked him a long time ago, like, how do you write a new hour? | ||
| Like, what do you write about? | ||
| He goes, I don't know. | ||
| What's on your mind? | ||
| What gets you angry? | ||
| What gets you, like, riled up when you talk about it to your friends? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whatever that is. | ||
| Write about that. | ||
| Burr's got an interesting thing going on, too, because he does that podcast where he rants. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's just him ranting. | ||
| So his, like, ranting muscle and his ranting endurance, it's incredible. | ||
| I try to do that in my intros of my podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's great. | |
| Your intros are great. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I appreciate it. | |
| Really good. | ||
| I really love the one about Tom Segura and the bat and his expensive taste now. | ||
| It's very, very funny. | ||
| And that was your first one back, too. | ||
| Yeah, because I left going, like, they're chasing me out of here. | ||
| No, your narrations and those things, those are some of my favorite parts of your podcast. | ||
| You're breaking down things and getting excited about things, your enthusiasm for these things. | ||
| Yeah, I tried early on to realize, like, oh, this is where ads go. | ||
| So I don't want to make it just Addy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But like, let's make it actual more content. | ||
| And then if you have to throw an ad in there too, fine. | ||
| But like, here's going to be some good times as well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And sometimes I don't even have ads. | ||
| I still do fucking 25 minutes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| If it's funny. | ||
| If it's not, I'll re-record it. | ||
| They are funny and it's also, it's a different thing. | ||
| Because you're getting a chance to see you sort of unedited, just ranting. | ||
| Just thinking about stuff and talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody told me one. | ||
| I had one after Anderson lost for the first time. | ||
| It was just part of a podcast about this girl who cuts herself. | ||
| Just talked about that. | ||
| But in the beginning, it was almost an hour on what Anderson Silva meant to me as a UFC fan. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And how it was just this weird way to lose. | ||
| I kind of forgot about it now, but it was like... | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| But that went on for so long. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's something that was a real thing to you. | ||
| It meant something to you. | ||
| That's why it's interesting. | ||
| He was at my first UFC. He fought Chris Lieben, my very first UFC. I saw him become a champion. | ||
| He was like my guy. | ||
| I was at the fucking five and a half, four and a half round crazy ending to Chael. | ||
| I remember being in a ring with you and Dana and fucking Superman. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| He won championships at heavyweight and light heavyweight. | ||
| Randy Couture. | ||
| Superman. | ||
| Whatever his name was. | ||
| What do they call him? | ||
| The Natural? | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Superman. | ||
| I was like, what the fuck is he talking about? | ||
| He looked at me in a way like, I definitely got the wrong name, but whatever it is. | ||
| I was trying to figure out a nickname. | ||
| Like, who had the nickname Superman? | ||
| Yeah, but we're all in just a ring, and it was like, we're all talking about whatever stuff, and then one at a time, one of us, you could see them, like, thinking about how that fight ended. | ||
| Four rounds plus of dominance by one guy, and a last minute fucking triangle out of nowhere to keep this, one of the best champions of all time, still in power. | ||
| It was just so fucking nuts! | ||
| And you see, one at a time, Randy or somebody, I remember Randy doing it after someone else did it, they would just kind of go off, like you see them thinking about something, and they would just shake their head and go, whoa, my hand! | ||
| And you're like, oh, you're thinking about that fucking fight. | ||
| It was right in the hallway right afterwards. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, it was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, there's a unique feeling that you get when you're recounting like a crazy event where someone knocks somebody out or chokes somebody out. | ||
| You're like, Jesus. | ||
| You got a look on your face. | ||
| How many times after the UFCs have we gone to dinner and been like, fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And I saw Berg get that same look at the comedy store in the front after the baby bird. | ||
| At ONA. I saw him from far away talking. | ||
| I was like, hey, are you talking about the baby bird? | ||
| He goes, yeah. | ||
| I can tell. | ||
| I can tell the way you're doing it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so that's all I'm working on, just building my new hour, and then I can get the fuck out of this garbage dump again. | ||
| This garbage dump Los Angeles? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that what you're saying? | |
| Yes, Hollywood. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| This is the place where you've buttered your bread, sir. | ||
| No, I like it. | ||
| The business end makes me a little mad sometimes. | ||
| The business end. | ||
| I think, to be your friend and advisor, Yeah. | ||
| I would say it's time to remove yourself from the other side. | ||
| You no longer need to negotiate. | ||
| So it's fun to travel and stuff, is what I mean. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Listen, man, you'll all get along way better when you don't need them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody will be your friend. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But anyway, yeah, that's all I'm doing. | ||
| Working a new hour. | ||
| I'm just going to do it all about Judaism. | ||
| All about Judaism? | ||
| I think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's a good way to alienate the white supremacist, bro. | |
| You don't even care about the people who hate the Jews. | ||
| Yeah, sorry. | ||
| Sorry, guys. | ||
| I've been culturally insensitive. | ||
| You're not even thinking about them. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What are you working on? | ||
| We never found that video of the evergreen professor throwing his hands around. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's one video I'm pretty sure it's in, but I need to double-check and listen to make sure it's the part they're talking about because it was getting highlighted as it. | ||
| Someone sent it to me, and they sent it queued up right where it is, and it's so hilarious. | ||
| There's probably... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's queued up in a website. | ||
| If you Google evergreen... | ||
| What is he? | ||
| The President? | ||
| Evergreen? | ||
| Oh, in Evergreen, hand motions are a microaggression. | ||
| Google that. | ||
| Hand motions are a microaggression. | ||
| There's a website for sure that has an article where they show the video and they have it queued up. | ||
| And when it's queued up, you can see the kids laughing when they get the teacher to put his hands behind his back. | ||
| That's them just not knowing. | ||
| Well, I'll see it. | ||
| But that's them not understanding what they really are looking for. | ||
| They're just looking for power. | ||
| Because part of them feels like, haha, I made you do it. | ||
| And another part says, that's a microaggression, don't do that. | ||
| But it's like, if you believe that, then don't laugh at someone for not doing it anymore. | ||
| What they're doing is just enjoying power. | ||
| These kids have taken over the school. | ||
| Yeah, that's it. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't point. | |
| That's not appropriate. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| You gotta put your hands down. | ||
| He's apologizing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Put your hands down. | |
| Are you kidding? | ||
| Yes, Mike! | ||
| Yes, Mike! | ||
| The dude walks up to the president's like, put your hands down. | ||
| Put your hands down. | ||
| Put his hands to his side. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
and they're laughing at him. - The thing is that my ancestors were slaves and your ancestors were not. | |
| Your ancestors came here of free choice and decided to bring along my people, not of their own free will, to work and build this country. | ||
| - My dad came after the Israeli army. - Just letting you know that slavery still has repercussions in society today. | ||
| And that is what we're here about. | ||
| She's waiting for an applause. | ||
| Yeah, she seems to not know. | ||
| Oh, there she goes, trying to get off. | ||
| And what does he do about that? | ||
| He's clapping as well? | ||
| He's clapping too. | ||
| He needs to seriously stop. | ||
| He's clapping too. | ||
| Like, you had a really good point. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| She's saying something we know. | ||
| We already know that. | ||
| Okay, that version of that, that super-liberal left is feminist. | ||
| That version of that? | ||
| There's a version of that, which is just the feminists. | ||
| Like that version of feminists. | ||
| That version. | ||
| Yeah, there's versions of everything. | ||
| The bloggers and the... | ||
| There's versions of masculinists, too, right? | ||
| That's the alt-right, I guess. | ||
| Is it though? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't really understand. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Seems to me like the alt-right for more than a lot of what they're doing is having fun. | ||
| Yeah, it does seem like I'm trolling. | ||
| Some of it's like just straight trolling. | ||
| There's a lot of it is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You said this! | |
| I can't believe it! | ||
| It's like, can't you believe it? | ||
| Well, maybe it was a joke. | ||
| I mean, like Milo... | ||
| I know some of it. | ||
| Milo Yiannopoulos? | ||
| Surely there's... | ||
| That guy gets him so mad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Milo is so theatrical. | ||
| So much of what he's doing seems like he's having fun. | ||
| Dude, I love it when they get on somebody and you just shit on them a little bit. | ||
| Someone's a god to them all of a sudden. | ||
| Beyonce after Lemonade. | ||
| Things like that. | ||
| If you shit on them a little bit, you can get people so fucking angry at you. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| There's never been a time like this, Ari Shaffir, where you get so many morons mad at you. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| But yeah, so what I've noticed is that of the super-liberal... | ||
| Okay, you know how American sports fans are kind of dumb? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I can't even believe I'm hearing this. | ||
| More so than other places. | ||
| We're not very thought out. | ||
| You're fucking rude, bro. | ||
| Our political analysis isn't that smart. | ||
| In the same way our liberal left, our feminism, is some of the dumbest feminism in the world. | ||
| Other ones are more thought out and more interesting and more just thoughtful in general. | ||
| Dude, I think you left America and became a fucking turncoat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm hearing. | |
| I'm hearing a bunch of bullshit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| So what do you think, though? | ||
| You should hear people talking. | ||
| They're way smarter than the people we have. | ||
| So our people are just dumber? | ||
| Saying this microaggression shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's us having too much fucking free time. | ||
| Is that what it is? | ||
| That is you've left behind what's actually wrong, and you're jumping on... | ||
| Which is a lot. | ||
| There's a lot wrong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, like, worry about that. | ||
| And calm down. | ||
| Microaggression. | ||
| Guys... | ||
| It's not like there's better shit to do so you shouldn't worry about what actually bothers you. | ||
| This shouldn't bother you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Take that same venom and put it into something that's actually happening. | ||
| There's this forced circumcision. | ||
| Okay, well like that girl that stood up there. | ||
| The girl that stood up there and it's like, your ancestors were not slaves. | ||
| You weren't brought here. | ||
| Mine were. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And slavery has repercussions. | ||
| And then everybody starts clapping and it's like... | ||
| You're right, but what is the point? | ||
| Okay, so what are you having to rally for? | ||
| What are we doing? | ||
| It's obviously ancestors. | ||
| When do we get over this ancestor thing? | ||
| How many generations in do we just treat people as individuals? | ||
| I've asked people, what do they want? | ||
| Some people got an advantage, for sure. | ||
| White people. | ||
| Got an advantage, for sure. | ||
| Okay, but it's more so, but it's not 100% of the time. | ||
| So if I came from a divorced household, I didn't, and my dad wasn't around, and my dad beat my mom, that can be a way worse and harder experience than the Cosby kids. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Today. | ||
| So it's like, just because you're this, it might make the odds harder for you, but it's not 100%. | ||
| But there's an origins thing, and one of the origins that every black kid has to face when they think about it, is that someone down the line was a slave. | ||
| And they're not slaves anymore, but that's why people who look like him are here. | ||
| They're all here because someone brought them over here in chains. | ||
| Yeah, and there's still a tree with remnants of that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there's got to be a weird self-esteem or a self-identity issue attached to knowing that everybody knows that your ancestors were slaves. | ||
| And there's a certain thing that people do when someone has something and someone else wants it. | ||
| If you have a group of people that's different, it's really easy to almost think of them as not you. | ||
| That's how they've justified wars. | ||
| So many people, by dehumanizing the other. | ||
| And this thing that has to balance out, that I guess is... | ||
| I guess just the echoes of that is like we have to get so many generations away from people being slaves and any repercussions of it socially or economically. | ||
| We have to get so far away that it doesn't factor in anymore where we don't care. | ||
| Okay, that's well expressed for sure. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| That kind of, like, calm way to explain something rarely gets put out anymore. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| It's screaming and yelling. | ||
| You know why? | ||
| And, like, you're not teaching anyone anything. | ||
| The biggest problem on the left and the right, but the ones that are angry, the angry mobs, is they never seek to educate. | ||
| They only seek to, like, punish. | ||
| Also, grandstand. | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| They want to make this big speech. | ||
| You can hear in that lady's voice. | ||
| She was going for the audience clap two or three times, didn't get it, and was like, I'll keep going. | ||
| She's seen Oprah. | ||
| She knows how to manipulate a crowd. | ||
| She knows how to get those people riled up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, listen, man, that's part of being a person. | ||
| Like, that's half the reward for saying something that's right, is the love that you get from people when you say that it's right. | ||
| And they recognize it. | ||
| And they go, yes! | ||
| So people get addicted to that yes. | ||
| So they constantly do things that they think are at least perceived as being right. | ||
| And they get very vocal with things when they perceive those things are going to get a very big reaction for standing up against them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it becomes this moral, high ground, sort of grandstanding, peacocking sort of a thing, where they just are constantly trying to let everyone even know how uncool it is to do this, and how wrong it is to do that. | ||
| Settle the fuck down. | ||
| You're setting up a weird thing. | ||
| And then sometimes they'll see something that doesn't quite fit in. | ||
| You know how they make rape broader and broader and broader? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Which I really does think does a disservice to rape. | ||
| It does. | ||
| To be able to make it seem like... | ||
| Anyway, they were saying coercion is rape, where if you talk someone into it, that's rape. | ||
| And then a bunch of men was like, oh, well, if that's true, then I've been raped a bunch of times. | ||
| And then the super liberal left was like, oh, we don't want to make that. | ||
| We don't want to make you be able to be victims. | ||
| So, okay, that's no longer rape. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Coercion was one. | ||
| Someone under the influence of alcohol, which was very questionable. | ||
| That's a weird one because we all know that there's different states of mind and that a woman who decides to get a couple drinks and then wants to have sex. | ||
| If the man is sober... | ||
| That was a weird one. | ||
| It's supposed to be that you're not supposed to do it because she's under the influence. | ||
| That was the argument that was being pushed. | ||
| The problem is it's too black and white. | ||
| So it's like, I know a lot of women who are like, oh, I can't have sex without drinking. | ||
| I have to drink before I have sex. | ||
| And it's like, oh, well, so then, okay. | ||
| They don't all think the same thing. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| So some of them, the militant ones, We're good to go. | ||
| It wasn't your fault that you plowed into that school bus full of kids with your car because you were drunk. | ||
| That used to be the rule. | ||
| You couldn't control it. | ||
| Well, it still is the rule, but I'm saying they'll say that if it comes to sexual intercourse, but they won't say that when it comes to driving. | ||
| No one's going to say you couldn't consent to being behind the wheel. | ||
| You were under the influence. | ||
| It's not your fault. | ||
| You're supposed to know enough. | ||
| It's supposed to be deeply embedded in your head enough that you don't go into that car and start it even though you're drunk. | ||
| But sex, you're like, no, no. | ||
| Yeah, you can't handle it. | ||
| You don't know what's going on. | ||
| I used to be a guest for a drunk driver. | ||
| You ran over somebody while you were drunk driving. | ||
| They're like, I'm sorry, but officer, it's like, you know, self-defense. | ||
| I was drunk. | ||
| Same shit. | ||
| I wouldn't do it on purpose. | ||
| I didn't do it on purpose. | ||
| I was drunk. | ||
| That's why I lost control of the car. | ||
| Obviously, it's hard to control a car when you're drunk, right? | ||
| So that's what happened to me. | ||
| When did it become illegal to drink? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's a very good question. | ||
| I looked that up for not too long. | ||
| 60s? | ||
| My parents, my friends and whatnot, they did it. | ||
| Or like in the 70s. | ||
| Everybody's done it. | ||
| Let's Google it and find out. | ||
| But let's take a guess. | ||
| I say 50s. | ||
| 50s? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What year? | |
| I say 61. That's how late in the 50s. | ||
| I'm going to go with 69. Okay. | ||
| This is fun to say that. | ||
| I think I'm wrong though. | ||
| 73? | ||
| 73? | ||
| That seems so late. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I feel like I should stick to the 60s. | ||
| The first state that adopted any sort of law was New York in 1910. Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But... | |
| Poor we off. | ||
| I didn't know that car's that. | ||
| I feel like when I looked this up before... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought cars were like late 20s. | |
| People were drunk two years into having cars. | ||
| Yeah, don't get on your horse. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| I tried to remember looking this up. | ||
| I think sometime in the 50s or 60s, or maybe even up to 1980 when MAD started, the states that weren't adopting it were going to stop getting funding for federal road money and stuff like that. | ||
| So they had to adopt all the laws. | ||
| That's how they forced everyone in. | ||
| Dude, of course people would drink. | ||
| It would be a bunch of people driving. | ||
| Like, have you tried driving yet? | ||
| Like, dude, it's awesome. | ||
| And someone's like, have you tried it drunk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| Wow! | ||
| I'm for sure gonna do that! | ||
| That sounds like a great idea! | ||
| See, that's where a horse is superior. | ||
| Because a horse isn't gonna crash because the horse is sober. | ||
| Autopilot, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's almost like a form... | ||
| You can pass out on top of it. | ||
| It's like a superior form of travel in a lot of ways. | ||
| You have a relationship with this animal. | ||
| You know, you go up to it. | ||
| Hey, there are Mr. Flapjacks or whatever the fuck his name is. | ||
| You pet him. | ||
| You're a good old boy. | ||
| I'm gonna get you some feed. | ||
| Put the feed back on him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He chews his food. | |
| Like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| That's probably a way better way of getting around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
As long as you're not allergic to horses. | |
| Yeah, that's way worse. | ||
| Oh, if you're allergic to horses in the West, you're fucked. | ||
| You're living here. | ||
| How the fuck is a person allergic to horses? | ||
| This is how weak our gene pool has gotten, folks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| I feel so bad for people that are allergic to animals and people that are allergic to pollen and people that are allergic to... | ||
| Allergic to wool. | ||
| A lot of people close to me have allergies. | ||
| It's so hard to watch because it's annoying. | ||
| Like, that there's a thing out there that can do that to them. | ||
| Just to them. | ||
| What the fuck is, that doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| And it's not the thing's self-defense mechanism. | ||
| No, it's dumb. | ||
| It's like grass. | ||
| Some kids are super allergic to types of grass. | ||
| There's kids that'll, like, they have celiacs. | ||
| My kids are friends with them, and, you know, you have to be real careful that they don't eat anything that has any wheat. | ||
| I thought you were going to say you have to be careful or they become too much friends with them. | ||
| No. | ||
| They can't eat. | ||
| Start inviting them to your home. | ||
| They have to have very strict diets. | ||
| Yeah, no soy sauce. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Real super strict diets because they have an allergy. | ||
| I've heard about it. | ||
| Your hand gets all hot and things happen to you. | ||
| Dude, allergies are fucking straight. | ||
| Like peanuts. | ||
| Like if you have that... | ||
| You can smell it two rows behind you in a plane. | ||
| You're fucked. | ||
| Brian Callen's mom, he said on the podcast, he was talking about how she eats Brazil nuts. | ||
| She gets, like, terribly ill. | ||
| Well, those are the most expensive ones. | ||
| They're gross, though. | ||
| They're not that good. | ||
| They're big. | ||
| Yeah, they ain't shit. | ||
| They're big. | ||
| They ain't shit. | ||
| Oh, macadamias. | ||
| Macadamias? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Macadamias are good. | |
| They're expensive, too. | ||
| I love me macadamia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But nobody's putting Brazil nuts in chocolate the fuck out of here with that big, stupid nut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a big, stupid, weird tasting nut. | |
| What is that? | ||
| You have a cashew and you eat that piece of shit? | ||
| Gotta fucking give me half of it now and half of it later. | ||
| Yeah, like if you told me, dude, you gotta pass on one nut for the rest of your life. | ||
| Brazil nuts right off the bat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I kind of like walnuts. | |
| It's an unusual, almost a dry flavor. | ||
| Yeah, they're weird once in a while with some salt on them. | ||
| Imagine if there was, like, sommeliers for nuts, the same way there are for, like, wines. | ||
| Some dude, like, sat you down and was talking to you about the cashews he was about to serve. | ||
| This is a cashew from the Himalayas. | ||
| You could open a whole restaurant called D's Nuts. | ||
| Joe, I gotta go take pictures from my Netflix double special called Double Negative out this July. | ||
| Ari Shafir, rocking and rolling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm very excited that you're gonna have your special on Netflix. | ||
| Yeah, man, me too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's huge. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| All the Canadians out there and Australians, you finally get to see something. | ||
| Will you come on the day you're gonna release it? | ||
| You're gonna be out of town. | ||
| Jesus, bitch. | ||
| What day is it? | ||
| July 18th. | ||
| What about the day before that? | ||
| Am I out of town then? | ||
| Yeah, you're gonna be on vacation that whole week. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, we're work out of time. | ||
| When are you leaving? | ||
| From here? | ||
| Yeah, when are you jetting? | ||
| June 24th? | ||
| That's when you're going back to that dirty, stinky, stacked up, rat infested. | ||
| We could record one off this and release it later. | ||
| Record one off this? | ||
| Off, not in the studio. | ||
| Let's go up on a hike by your house. | ||
| Let's do a hike. | ||
| And we'll do a hike podcast. | ||
| Let's do a hike podcast. | ||
| And you can put it out the day of. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| Would that work? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| All right. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, make sure you download Ari Shafir's Skeptic Tank. | ||
| It's one of the best podcasts in the known universe. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| And it's one that I never miss. | ||
| Punch Drunk Sports is one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, sorry. | |
| I thought you said it's one you always miss. | ||
| I misheard it. | ||
| Punch Drunk Sports 2. Yeah. | ||
| But yeah, but you listen to Skeptic Tank. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| I'm happy about that. | ||
| I'm not a sports fan so much, so the punch drunk, I'll listen to you guys when you talk about fights. | ||
| I always want to call her and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| I got my asshole bleached yesterday. | ||
| I heard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard. | |
| I saw pictures. | ||
| Triple E. I mean, Serenity's had a hold up in my butt shakes. | ||
| How'd that feel? | ||
| Weird, man. | ||
| I would imagine. | ||
| If you were comfortable with it, then it'd be a problem. | ||
| This dude had his fucking finger right under the rim. | ||
| I kept thinking he was just going to go forward. | ||
| So he had to touch your asshole while he was bleaching it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Glove. | ||
| He had a glove. | ||
| What'd this guy look like? | ||
| Can I guess? | ||
| Can I guess? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| I would guess that he has, like, um, like, limp implants and Botox, and it's like an oddly shiny forehead, and he, um, he's got a perfect haircut, and he's very feminine, but in a weird sort of a way, and he's just, uh, rubbing, and he has a suit on, and he has white gloves. | ||
| They're white gloves, like, with the lines in the back of them, like Mickey Mouse has. | ||
| Like a butler's glove? | ||
| Well, to give you a hint, it's Sam Tripoli who got the person. | ||
| Oh, so he's an Armenian? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was a gimp wearing a mask with a leather leash around him and a codpiece. | ||
| That's better. | ||
| He was looking for a porn star, but one couldn't do it, so he got this instead. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was the person nice to you? | ||
| Yeah, he was pretty nice. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| I can see his mustache through his gimp mask, and that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot of content for you. | |
| A lot of content. | ||
| A lot of content. | ||
| It's back every-ish week. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not doing too much travel and stuff, but yeah. | ||
| All right. | ||
| I want to get Killer Mike on. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| If you're out there, dude. | ||
| I want to talk to you about the revolution. | ||
| Okay, well, let's get him in town. | ||
| We'll have him do both. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Or we can do a swap cast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Put it up wherever you want. | ||
| Yeah, you know what Swapcast is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sort of. | |
| Bert and Doug do it. | ||
| It'll go up on Bert's and it'll go up on Doug's. | ||
| Sort of like we did with The End of the World. | ||
| Everybody put The End of the World up. | ||
| When we did The End of the World podcast on election night, everybody got it. | ||
| We just sent a copy of it and everybody just put it up. | ||
| Swapcast. | ||
| That's a cool idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yay! | |
| It's democratic or something. | ||
| Alright, folks, that's it. | ||
| Love you. | ||
| Bye-bye. |
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