May 26, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:05:43
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Go to the Jersey Shore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Three, two, one... | |
| The great Tom Papa will be at the Jersey Shore this weekend. | ||
| Do you ever get do gigs down there? | ||
| With flip flops. | ||
| And a metal detector. | ||
| And a metal detector. | ||
| Do you know anybody's ever scored with a metal detector? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, scored like found like a bottle cap. | ||
| Yeah, like a Civil War belt buckle or some shit. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I had one when I was a kid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| Because I used to go to the Jersey Shore. | ||
| It was orange. | ||
| And I would get it. | ||
| And no earphones or anything. | ||
| I would just walk out on the beach with it. | ||
| Never found anything. | ||
| What's the earphones? | ||
| Did they tell you when the frequency is different? | ||
| It has a different sound? | ||
| Yeah, you're just going along. | ||
| So it's just like the frequency of the beeps? | ||
| Yeah, it's like hot, hotter, hotter, hotter, hotter, hotter. | ||
| Burning hot, you're there. | ||
| How good do those things work? | ||
| I've never looked into metal detectors. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But you know, like... | ||
| If you take that to the Appalachian Trail or where the Civil War went down and that kind of stuff, you'd find stuff. | ||
| Oh, I guarantee you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I guarantee you. | ||
| See, what is the most sophisticated current I just looked this up. | ||
| This guy just found something a couple weeks ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. | |
| Two million dollars worth of Viking gold. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh, who's laughing now? | ||
| It's two million pounds. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Is that four million dollars? | ||
| That's like 20 bucks. | ||
| Is that four million? | ||
| Is it double? | ||
| It's like one and a half to two times. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Viking treasure hoard. | ||
| What has he got in that photo? | ||
| Oh, that's his metal detector. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's a janky-looking metal detector, too. | ||
| Looks like it's all duct taped together and shit. | ||
| It's like he's been using it a long time. | ||
| And this dude found millions of dollars in Viking finds. | ||
| That's pretty great. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| I found nothing. | ||
| I found, like, a bottle cap, and it's exciting. | ||
| Like, when you hear it, it's like... | ||
| Look at all the shit he found. | ||
| Look at that vase. | ||
| Look at that ring. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| That's like the Hobbit ring. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 10th century gold ring. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Isn't that cool that the ring was... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| A 10th century gold ring. | ||
| That's pretty great. | ||
| Somebody wore that. | ||
| You just gotta walk in the right places. | ||
| I'm in the Jersey Shore, you know what I mean? | ||
| There wasn't... | ||
| My dad lives in Florida on the Treasure Coast, they call it, which is like the Atlantic, mid-Atlantic, or halfway up and down Florida. | ||
| So like every time there's hurricanes, the people are always out on the beach looking for stuff because shit gets washed up off the bottom. | ||
| A bunch of treasure chests or wrecks like in the Bermuda Triangle. | ||
| So like the pirate treasure gets wiped up onto the beach. | ||
| There's something about finding that, though. | ||
| Like if you went to a museum and you saw a ring from the 9th century, Or the 10th century, whatever it is. | ||
| You'd probably be like, wow, that's incredible. | ||
| But if you fucking found it in the dirt and you picked it up, and it's maybe likely, I mean, there's at least a possibility the last person that touched it was the person that died there. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Huge possibility. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| I mean, how great would that, the feeling would have been amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Fuck, it's crazy. | ||
| Did you ever find a fossil? | ||
| Did you ever find a fossil when you were a kid walking around? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| I found an arrowhead, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the same thing. | |
| Legit arrowhead. | ||
| Porn shoot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, excited. | ||
| Yes, it was in Nevada, bow hunting, and I found an arrowhead. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| And I lost it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so sad. | |
| That's terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So sad. | |
| I think you're actually supposed to leave them there. | ||
| So it's probably karma. | ||
| But I'm like, leave it here. | ||
| This is a trail. | ||
| Anybody's gonna find it. | ||
| This is stupid. | ||
| Like, if you want me to bring it to a museum or something, that's one thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But just say, just leave it there? | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| Yeah, someone else is gonna come take it. | ||
| No one's gonna leave it there. | ||
| Did I ever tell you the story of my brother-in-law who uses metal detector? | ||
| And his friends, married couple, I think newly married, went hiking in the Grand Tetons and she lost her ring. | ||
| She lost her engagement ring. | ||
| He was going out there like a month from then and he went out and he took his metal detector and he hiked along the same trail and he comes back to New Jersey and his buddies in the bar and he just sits down next to him at the bar and tosses the ring on the bar. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Found it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Hiking, yeah. | ||
| Wow, what are the odds? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, of all the steps she could have taken? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All the places she could have gone? | ||
| I mean, they probably told her what trail that he, you know, they took or whatever. | ||
| But still, the whole trail? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Can you imagine someone telling you I lost my wedding ring on this trail? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Somewhere. | |
| Please go find it. | ||
| What the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| That's gone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The great move is not calling and saying, holy shit, I found it. | ||
| Just showing up at your local bar and just ding. | ||
| That's pretty gangster. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty bad. | ||
| What is the state-of-the-art consumer model metal detector? | ||
| Maybe I should have a metal detector dude come on here and talk to me about what the fuck they do. | ||
| That would be cool. | ||
| Because I guess it's got to be exciting, right? | ||
| Especially places like the beach where stuff washes up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you have to wear sandals when you do it? | ||
| You must. | ||
| You must have a certain body odor, too. | ||
| Like a mildewy, bittery, sort of a soury, milky. | ||
| You smell a little like ham. | ||
| The Garrett Ace. | ||
| Is this supposed to be the shit? | ||
| Ooh, yeah, look how it popped up pretty high. | ||
| That goes on your forearm, right? | ||
| That weight. | ||
| So for $340, you could find 2 million pounds worth of Viking stuff. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| It's cheap. | ||
| Is that the best one? | ||
| See if there's like some fucking Cadillac of metal detectors. | ||
| They have a pro model. | ||
| Ooh, what's the pro model? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look, it comes with a pro. | |
| Waterproof. | ||
| Well, ever since I went pro, things changed. | ||
| Gold waterproof. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Oh, you went pro? | ||
| I went pro, bro. | ||
| You know, after the Viking gold thing, I'm like, obviously, I'm blessed. | ||
| Oh, totally, dude. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| But what does that mean? | ||
| Do you have a sponsor? | ||
| Yo, bro, I'm pro. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Making money off of a fighting ship. | ||
| You can take it under a river. | ||
| You can take it underwater. | ||
| Whoa, that's deep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's actually pretty badass. | ||
| You know what, though? | ||
| It's not all that badass. | ||
| There's something corny about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even the best ones, it's still like, yeah. | |
| It's definitely like, it's in the fanny pack realm, which I endorse, but it's like, what? | ||
| What are you doing here? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| What are you giving up? | ||
| Oh, this one's $799. | ||
| Oh, it's $8,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, is it? | |
| $8,000? | ||
| $8,000. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| Gold Nugget Metal Detector. | ||
| A mine lab. | ||
| It's a mine lab GPZ. Go up into Northern California where all the gold mines were. | ||
| That'd be cool. | ||
| Oh yeah, that's a move, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So how does that fucking thing work? | ||
| Because that works different that only picks up gold? | ||
| You said it on gold. | ||
| Yeah, this other one had, like, on the top of the meter, it has specific for, like, gold, iron, silver. | ||
| Oh, it gives you different readings? | ||
| Yeah, and then this thing's called a pinpointer, whatever that is. | ||
| Oh, whoa. | ||
| I'm only interested in gold. | ||
| See, I guarantee you this is one of those things that there's a fucking rabbit hole, and you start with this, and next thing you know, you're getting Miner Magazine in the mail. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you're subscribing to these websites where people go on these metal detector runs. | ||
| Your wife comes into the den and you have a miner's helmet with a light on it. | ||
| Aren't you coming to bed? | ||
| In a minute, honey. | ||
| For real, like what? | ||
| Then you find out about a treasure somewhere and you go investigate. | ||
| But I can find it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Well, have you ever seen those documentaries on those guys that are professional shipwreck hunters? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, there's real crazy money in that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| And if they know where a Viking ship went down or a Roman ship went down, they know where they're pretty sure that there's some gold. | ||
| There's been several times that they have... | ||
| Let's find out, actually, what the biggest bounty was. | ||
| Let's take a guess. | ||
| Well, you've got to figure the technology's probably just improved, right, in, like, the last 30 years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| It has made such a jump. | ||
| So why... | ||
| It's probably a good time to do it. | ||
| People have been probably trying to search, but... | ||
| Couldn't go down too deep? | ||
| Well, they're really good at it now. | ||
| But it's also, the ocean is fucking huge. | ||
| So if you find something, the odds of somebody else finding it, without you telling them about it, without somebody leaking some information, so it's really touch and go. | ||
| And these guys invest a shitload of money. | ||
| So they have the divers, who are these people that are usually the people that are knowledgeable, but they don't really have the funds, and then they meet somebody, and that guy funds it. | ||
| And it's super squirrely. | ||
| Like, who gets the money, and how much do you get? | ||
| And his brother's like a coke dealer, right? | ||
| Someone's got a gun. | ||
| Someone's got a gun. | ||
| Her girlfriend's too tan. | ||
| Everything's just super confusing. | ||
| She's really friendly. | ||
| Why is she being so nice to me? | ||
| Does she want to fuck? | ||
| This is going to be murder-suicide. | ||
| This is all going to go down. | ||
| Yeah, I watched this one, and these guys had found, I want to say it was more than $100 million in gold. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That they had found at the bottom of the ocean, but I might be making that up. | ||
| I'll let you guess on this one. | ||
| This is a really good one I found. | ||
| Their operations have to be really... | ||
| What, the most? | ||
| The discovery of the San Jose shipwreck in Colombia in 2015. How much? | ||
| Okay, let me guess. | ||
| Yeah, guess first. | ||
| It's really high. | ||
| It's really, really high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
San Jose. | |
| You shouldn't have done that. | ||
| Dude, you shouldn't have done that. | ||
| I would have come in low. | ||
| San Jose. | ||
| I was going to say $2.4 billion. | ||
| That's a lot. | ||
| I'm going to say $1.8 billion. | ||
| I never would have said billion, by the way, if you didn't say that. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| 1.8. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What did I say? | ||
| 2 point something? | ||
| 2.4. | ||
| 17 billion! | ||
| What?! | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| The discovery of the San Jose shipwreck has all the elements of a great drama, international political intrigue, a treasure of gold and emeralds worth up to $17 billion, and now accusations of lies and treachery. | ||
| Everyone always forgets about emeralds. | ||
| Everyone forgets about emeralds. | ||
| I sleep on emeralds. | ||
| I sleep on them all the time. | ||
| I never take them seriously. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Clink, clink, clink, clink. | |
| Nobody's like, yo, look at my emeralds, bitch. | ||
| That's not even the best rock you could get. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Yeah, emeralds. | ||
| Why emeralds? | ||
| And they're only for women. | ||
| They're just shiny. | ||
| Everything other than diamonds are for dudes, and diamonds aren't really for dudes. | ||
| They're not for dudes, are they for dudes? | ||
| No, they're all for women mostly, but a guy can wear some diamonds, like rappers wear diamonds, it looks fly. | ||
| Yeah, but it's sparkly. | ||
| Girls like sparkles. | ||
| Right, but rappers can't wear rubies. | ||
| Right? | ||
| A nice ruby. | ||
| Yo, check out my ruby. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Am I right, Jamie? | ||
| They can? | ||
| Someone's wearing rubies? | ||
| Why are you eyeballing my ruby, yo? | ||
| Of course they are. | ||
| What about emeralds? | ||
| Can they wear emeralds? | ||
| I bet Conor McGregor would wear the fuck out of some emeralds. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| Being all Irish and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just a big... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Irish assassin? | ||
| Yeah, you could wear like a chest plate made out of emeralds. | ||
| Are you looking at my emeralds? | ||
| And if you're wearing turquoise and you're not Native American, I got questions. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you're really into turquoise and silver, slow down, buddy. | ||
| Are you really from New Mexico? | ||
| Show me your artwork. | ||
| Show me that you're really kicking ass with some Indian artwork because it's not... | ||
| Show me the guy on the horse. | ||
| I know you have it, you fuck. | ||
| Let me see the dream catchers you're selling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| The dream catchers! | ||
| Not the dream catcher! | ||
| You man with a turquoise bracelet. | ||
| Oh man, yeah. | ||
| There was a place called the Silver Man when I was in school. | ||
| It was in New Jersey near my high school. | ||
| And when I was first getting into girls, that's where I would go to buy jewelry to give to my girlfriend. | ||
| And I remember being there like, I wonder if I could wear some of this myself. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| The silver man. | ||
| I remember there was a movie, there was this great wrestling movie called Vision Quest with Matthew Modine. | ||
| And his friend on the show was this Native American kid who turned out to not really be Native American. | ||
| Turned out that that was like his big hustle in the movie was that he was telling everybody he was Native American, talking about you going on a Vision Quest and your spirit journey and all this stuff. | ||
| I don't know what he was. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| But I remember that in the movie. | ||
| Yeah, that dude right there. | ||
| That dude turned out to not really be Native American. | ||
| That was just bullshit. | ||
| Well, bad on you, Matthew Modine, for thinking that was Native American. | ||
| Hey, he looks Native American. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He looks like a badass. | ||
| He looks more like Culture Club. | ||
| No, he looks like an Indian, man. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Oh, that's the guy from Sixteen Candles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Same guy? | ||
| Yeah, the guy who Molly Ringwald really loved. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, remember that one? | ||
| You know too much about those movies. | ||
| It was the 80s. | ||
| I wanted to be that guy because he was like the cool guy, but he was so cool he didn't hang out with the cool people. | ||
| And then Molly Ringwald fell in love with him. | ||
| That is the movie that wrestlers watch for inspiration. | ||
| Vision Quest. | ||
| Vision Quest. | ||
| That is the movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is an amazing movie. | ||
| Is it really good? | ||
| Oh, it probably sucks today. | ||
| You should probably go back and watch it today. | ||
| It's probably like Altered States. | ||
| A lot of synthesizer. | ||
| Yeah, I've recommended Altered States to people, and then I went back and watched it myself, and I had to come back on the air and go, okay, stop. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Sorry what I did to you people. | ||
| I saw I robbed you of an hour and a half of your life. | ||
| I remember thinking it was cool. | ||
| It was in the day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it was really cool. | ||
| It was really cool when the movie came out. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But movies are just different now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless you see, like, The Godfather. | ||
| The Godfather 100% holds up. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Or The Shining. | ||
| The Shining 100% holds up. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Caddyshack. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Caddyshack is fantastic. | ||
| Back to school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Blues Brothers. | |
| Blues Brothers. | ||
| Back to school. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| So that means that maybe Alter States wasn't that great in the first place. | ||
| Well, it was different, and it got by a lot on the different. | ||
| It was an intriguing story. | ||
| The whole thing was crazy. | ||
| You have this brilliant doctor and this beautiful girlfriend. | ||
| Was she a scientist, too, I think? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| And so he takes this shamanic drug and it changes him. | ||
| He morphs back into a monkey and he breaks into the zoo and kills things. | ||
| Right, that's right. | ||
| I remember he was with blood on his face. | ||
| Yeah, he killed something in the zoo. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The movie was based, not really, but based or I should say inspired by a guy named John Lilly who made The Isolation Tank. | ||
| There was an isolation tank in it. | ||
| Yeah, that's actually how I found out about this movie. | ||
| And in the movie, he actually goes through several generations of Lily's isolation tanks in sort of an homage. | ||
| Like he starts out floating with the head gear on, where it's like a scuba tank helmet on. | ||
| That's the beginning of the movie and in the end of the movie, he's lying down. | ||
| See, that's how Lily did it in the beginning. | ||
| In the beginning, Lily had it set up where there was literally like a tube connected to his asshole so he could shit and piss into the water and it would be filtered out so he never had to leave the water. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That would be good for road trips. | ||
| He would, uh, Lily would do it with ketamine. | ||
| He would shoot up ketamine, which is like a cat tranquilizer. | ||
| I'm not really claustrophobic, but that looks claustrophobic. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| No? | ||
| With the thing on your head? | ||
| I've never done that one. | ||
| I've never done that one. | ||
| The one I've done is later in the movie, as his character evolves and as the plot evolves, later in the movie he has a more modern version of the isolation tank where he's laying flat. | ||
| And they don't ever mention that he figured out a better version or anything like that. | ||
| They just kind of put it in there. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which is pretty fascinating. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| So he really was into it. | ||
| Yeah, see the top one? | ||
| Okay, I guess the top one is the tube. | ||
| He's coming out of the top of the tube. | ||
| But there was another one where he laid flat. | ||
| What's the actor's name again? | ||
| That was William Hurt, right? | ||
| William Hurt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was cool. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Remember him in Broadcast News? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| He's been in a bunch of great movies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just came back recently in something. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| But that John Lilly guy who made that tank was a legitimate, brilliant scientist who would take all kinds of shit. | ||
| He would experiment all the time. | ||
| He was a pioneer in interspecies communication research with dolphins. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't know if you ever heard this story, but the woman who was doing the research, she was living with a young male dolphin, and she lived in this place that was like waist high in water. | ||
| So she would walk through the water to get to her furniture, to get to where she would cook, and the dolphin lived with her and swam around with her. | ||
| Wait, wait, so she'd be up to her waist in the hallways and then she'd come up to a platform to cook or something? | ||
| She had some setup where she lived with this dolphin. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They lived in this tank. | ||
| I've never heard of this. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And when she did it, they were working on these ideas that they had. | ||
| To try to get dolphins to recreate human words. | ||
| But the dolphins, even if they're as intelligent as we are, which they might be, who knows, they don't have the ability to make the sounds that we make, because they don't have lips. | ||
| They have a big fat tongue. | ||
| Yeah, they have a weird way of making noises. | ||
| Yeah, so the dolphin came super close to saying, hello. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Came really close to it. | ||
| It's kind of weird when you hear it, too. | ||
| There was a movie done where they were talking to the dolphins, and it was like... | ||
| Yeah, she had a sexual relationship. | ||
| You're pulling that up. | ||
| I was going to get to that, Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sorry. | |
| Ma loves pa. | ||
| Do you remember that movie? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is why they canceled it. | ||
| Uh oh. | ||
| It says a woman in a waterproof house. | ||
| In 1964, a woman lived in a waterproof house with a dolphin called Peter, tried to teach him English and had a sexual relationship with him. | ||
| Oh my. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| She would jerk him off because he would get super horny and that's all he would want to do is fuck and he was confusing and it was interfering with the research. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So she didn't think there was anything wrong with jerking off this dolphin. | ||
| Nah, I don't either. | ||
| Look, there's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| They live together. | ||
| Why are we so weird about sexual pleasure? | ||
| Like, what the fuck is that, man? | ||
| We're so weird. | ||
| It is a weird... | ||
| It's very complicated. | ||
| It's the driving force of all of us. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| You know, it's... | ||
| It's, uh... | ||
| Bented and twisted and it's pure and it's nice and it's... | ||
| It's a weird thing. | ||
| Right, but... | ||
| If you have a friend... | ||
| Like, I had a friend who used to jerk off his dog with his foot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Who doesn't have that friend? | ||
| I go, for real? | ||
| You touch your foot? | ||
| He goes, I had my sock on. | ||
| And I said, what did you do? | ||
| He goes, his fucking dog's horny. | ||
| So I put my foot on his dick and I rubbed it back and forth and he came all over his stomach. | ||
| I was, seriously? | ||
| Oh no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, yeah. | |
| He felt better. | ||
| And I go, you know what, man? | ||
| I think it's me. | ||
| I don't think it's you. | ||
| I think it's me. | ||
| I think it's me with the stupid problem in my head about it. | ||
| The dog likes it. | ||
| How come you can scratch behind the dog's ears where he can't reach and that's okay? | ||
| How come you can't rub his dick? | ||
| Have you ever touched your dog's dick accidentally when you're rubbing his belly? | ||
| My dog has a vagina. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And I've never touched it. | ||
| Never accidentally? | ||
| Well, no, I don't think so. | ||
| I've touched my dog's dick a hundred times and he's only five months old. | ||
| Well, it's flying all over the place. | ||
| Mine's only nine months old and she's in the vet right now, actually. | ||
| I got a call. | ||
| I left in a... | ||
| It could have been a snake. | ||
| Could it have been a snake? | ||
| That's the text. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, did she get bit? | |
| She's just looking swollen. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She's looking puffy and swollen. | ||
| This is rattlesnake season. | ||
| This happens all the time. | ||
| What kind of dog do you have? | ||
| A lab? | ||
| Black lab? | ||
| Very possible she got bit. | ||
| My dog's been bit many times. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, the two dogs that had been bit are dead now. | ||
| But one dog got bit, and I took him to the vet, and I knew he got bit. | ||
| He didn't swell up yet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I took him to the vet. | ||
| He was so excited because he'd killed the rattlesnake. | ||
| He was all fired up. | ||
| Did you know he had killed the rattlesnake? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Oh, okay. | ||
| It was a disaster. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, once it bit him, he was like, fuck you. | ||
| He just tore this thing apart. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| That was Frank Sinatra. | ||
| That was my dog named Frank. | ||
| What a great dog. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| But he wasn't swollen when I brought him to the vet. | ||
| And when I got him home, he started swelling up. | ||
| So like a half hour later, it started swelling up. | ||
| And then it just gets to these cartoonish proportions with half their faces hanging off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She was just acting a little weird this morning. | ||
| And we have a yard. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe something got into the backyard. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But all of a sudden, her eye was a little puffy. | ||
| And I said to my wife, look at her eyes. | ||
| Is she looking a little weird? | ||
| And she's like, I think she's having a reaction. | ||
| So we brought her into the vet on my way here and they rushed her right in and they're like, good thing you got here early and they're going to work on her. | ||
| So I don't know what's up. | ||
| But we're trying to figure, can they get sick from eating raccoon feces? | ||
| You ever hear that? | ||
| I would not imagine it would be good for you. | ||
| I know, because we had a trainer that was like, she's not eating that, is she? | ||
| I'm like, no, is that a big deal? | ||
| I mean, she eats everything. | ||
| She's like a goat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like, that's the only thing I could think of, because I couldn't... | ||
| Well, there's definitely got to be something in that. | ||
| I mean, raccoons have to have parasites. | ||
| They're wild animals. | ||
| Yeah, it's got to have, like, some weird... | ||
| Well, they're wild animals, too, and they eat animals. | ||
| So as soon as an animal's eating other animals, that's when shit gets weird. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like, if a wild animal, like, you could eat a deer raw. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And there'd be no problem at all. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, the real problem is animals that eat animals. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I mean, because the deer doesn't eat animals. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you're okay. | ||
| The deer could get a parasite. | ||
| And deers have gotten worms before. | ||
| I've heard of people that got deers that had worms. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| And Lyme disease. | ||
| That's just the ticks. | ||
| Cause severe inflammatory reactions. | ||
| Yeah, that's not really it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's got a specific roundworm in the record. | ||
| Severe inflammatory? | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
| Will migrate to other organs, including the brain. | ||
| Oh, jeez. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Well, I've had dogs that had worms before that were coming out of their butt. | ||
| Like, they'd poop, and as they were walking away, you would see worms literally crawling out of their butt, and you're like, oh, okay. | ||
| And you're like, I should have whacked you off when we had the chance. | ||
| You would be so confused. | ||
| Let me put on a sock. | ||
| Get over here, Sinatra. | ||
| Yeah, parasitic relationships. | ||
| It's like when you think about how many dogs have worms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That is like one of the number one things you got to do with your dog. | ||
| Get it dewormed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I know. | ||
| It happens so often. | ||
| Oh, so often. | ||
| Just eating shit. | ||
| They eat everything. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| My dog ate a magnet. | ||
| You know how they have those magnets where you stack magnets on top like kids play with them? | ||
| Those are strong. | ||
| It's a fucking thick-ass heavy magnet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I found it in his shit. | ||
| Oh, I'm surprised it came out. | ||
| Yeah, it came out. | ||
| It came right out. | ||
| I mean, a dog's intestinal tract is made out of barbed wire. | ||
| You know, things just go right through. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| It's so disgusting. | ||
| He shits and all of a sudden a metal roller skate comes up to the shed and just starts rolling up. | ||
| Ting! | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the nastiest dog I've ever had. | |
| In terms of eating his own shit. | ||
| This new one? | ||
| Yeah, he tries to eat his own shit. | ||
| When he doesn't anymore, he's stopped. | ||
| But I'm sure he has, like, recently. | ||
| But for the most part, he does. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| He leaves it alone. | ||
| But when he was a puppy, like when I had just got him, he was a few weeks old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He would take his shit and literally trying to bite the shit as it's coming out of his ass. | ||
| He'd be turning. | ||
| He would have to, like, grab him to keep him from eating this shit as it was coming out of his ass. | ||
| He thought it was like a Mr. Softie machine. | ||
| It was so disturbing. | ||
| I can't believe it comes right out of my ass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so disturbing. | |
| It's like, look, man, I love you, but you've got to stop doing this. | ||
| Why, Joe? | ||
| Get a cone. | ||
| Get a cone. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| But the good thing is it made me really diligent about scooping poop up in the yard. | ||
| I had to dive on that. | ||
| You've got to get it up quick. | ||
| Quick. | ||
| So we bought a special trash can. | ||
| My other dogs know where to shit. | ||
| We're going through the same thing. | ||
| We're going through the same thing. | ||
| How old is this? | ||
| He's a baby. | ||
| He's five months old. | ||
| Yeah, we're nine months. | ||
| Yeah, babies. | ||
| Is this one that's in the hospital a baby? | ||
| Yeah, nine months. | ||
| Yeah, I hope she's okay. | ||
| She comes home with mystery shit on her head. | ||
| Like, where did you even get this? | ||
| Just walks in all happy to see you with a big blob of shit on her head. | ||
| I killed a rattlesnake a month ago. | ||
| You did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's on a walkway. | ||
| Like, right where I was walking. | ||
| I was like, fuck this. | ||
| By your house? | ||
| Yeah, by a friend's house, actually. | ||
| How'd you kill it? | ||
| Stomped on it. | ||
| Just went up and stomped? | ||
| Didn't it try to bite you? | ||
| No, I got to it before it got to me. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It wasn't a big rattlesnake, but it's dead. | ||
| What kind of shoe wear were you wearing? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It'd be a nice boot. | ||
| It was definitely not a wise move. | ||
| No! | ||
| No. | ||
| It was just something in me that said, first of all, my friend would want me to kill this. | ||
| He doesn't want a fucking rattlesnake in his yard where his kids live. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And second of all, I think I could do it right now. | ||
| It was one of those things. | ||
| I think this snake is slipping on me. | ||
| He's not looking. | ||
| He doesn't know. | ||
| Because most people are not going to just stomp your fucking head if you're a rattlesnake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But I was like, that is the move right now. | ||
| Just try that. | ||
| Yeah, the rattlesnake's instinct is humans run from me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people tell you you're not supposed to do it. | ||
| And I understand what they're saying. | ||
| I would not want all the rattlesnakes to die. | ||
| I'm not a rattlesnake hater. | ||
| But I have rules. | ||
| And if you get into my house, if you're a snake and you're in my house, I'm going to fucking kill you for sure. | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| And it's not my house, but it was in front of my friend's house, and he has kids. | ||
| That's a dead snake. | ||
| Yeah, kill that snake. | ||
| I personally would not have done it. | ||
| But it was a garter snake? | ||
| It was like, I've seen those, I don't bother them. | ||
| No, what, are they gonna gum you to death? | ||
| No, but this guy also has little dogs, too. | ||
| Those dogs get jacked. | ||
| Maybe she got bit by a snake. | ||
| Oh, dude, easily. | ||
| Easily could have happened. | ||
| I bet three dogs bit by rattlesnakes in California. | ||
| Yeah, they're all over. | ||
| I almost got bit by one. | ||
| I was hiking down a little trail. | ||
| I might have said this last time. | ||
| I was walking down a trail, and my wife was behind me. | ||
| And it was a narrow part. | ||
| And I just came around a corner, and the thing just went... | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| Struck right at me. | ||
| And I just backed off. | ||
| I just ran right past my wife. | ||
| She's like, why are we running? | ||
| And I came back, and I was pissed off at the edge of the trail in this little bush. | ||
| And I just threw rocks at it and ran past it. | ||
| God, I could have got you. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Now that's the thing. | ||
| And I'm still not clear on it. | ||
| We're two miles up in the mountain. | ||
| They say you're not supposed to move. | ||
| Or else you'll get it pumping through your system. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Do you make a tourniquet? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I should have learned since then, but the idea that my wife would have carried me out doesn't make sense. | ||
| That she would go for help is kind of tough. | ||
| You know, two-mile hike down the mountain and back. | ||
| They make snake-proof boots. | ||
| You should look into them. | ||
| Maybe snakes like you. | ||
| Maybe you're one of those people that people like mosquitoes. | ||
| Mosquitoes like people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I could be right next to him and get bit by all the mosquitoes. | ||
| Everywhere I go, there's rattlesnakes. | ||
| These aren't bothering you guys. | ||
| These are all the bread you cook. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just smell good. | |
| Oh, I brought you bread. | ||
| Oh, thank you. | ||
| Now, I know you don't really eat it, and I don't want to mess with your avocado and elk thing. | ||
| I eat it occasionally. | ||
| But look at the bag that I have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I have these bags now. | ||
| Paper bags. | ||
| This is how much they are perfectly shaped for these bread. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| It does look really good. | ||
| Just came out this morning. | ||
| Look at that beautiful. | ||
| That smells amazing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is art. | ||
| You're doing art. | ||
| Even if you don't want to eat it, give it to your family. | ||
| I'll eat a piece of that for sure. | ||
| A little butter. | ||
| I'll give it to the family tonight. | ||
| I've perfected my method since I was here last. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know what's really intense? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| With that bread? | ||
| Did you ever hear of a gentleman's breakfast? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Comes from England, London. | ||
| Is it like blood sausage or something? | ||
| Not as intense. | ||
| You take butter at night, let it soften on the counter, chop up garlic and anchovies. | ||
| Mix it all together into the butter. | ||
| Put it in the fridge. | ||
| In the morning, you toast some of that delicious sourdough bread. | ||
| A thick layer of that butter on it with some eggs on the side. | ||
| It's called a gentleman's breakfast. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| There's something about first thing in the morning, garlic, anchovy, butter. | ||
| It's dangerous. | ||
| Oh, it's so good. | ||
| It's a bold choice. | ||
| You don't give a fuck about your breath. | ||
| No, you don't want to be near people. | ||
| You don't want to be near people for a good day. | ||
| You might have just eradicated your morning breath, brushed your teeth, and then you got down with this. | ||
| It sounds nasty, but I'm telling you, it is the most delicious thing I've ever had. | ||
| Sounds amazing. | ||
| I want to do it tonight. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| Anchovies, garlic, and what else? | ||
| Garlic, anchovies, and butter. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Just those three things? | ||
| Let it soften. | ||
| Mix it all together. | ||
| Chop up the anchovies and the garlic really fine. | ||
| Throw it all in there. | ||
| Do you know what will ruin you? | ||
| If you get real anchovies. | ||
| Like you ever get a real anchovy, like fresh anchovies like in Italy? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, maybe in a dish of something, but... | ||
| Yeah, I've gotten fresh anchovies and fresh sardines. | ||
| Fresh sardines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fresh sardines. | |
| Amazing. | ||
| Sicily. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| You go, wait a minute, this is what a sardine tastes like? | ||
| It's not all covered in... | ||
| Goo? | ||
| Thick paint-like oil. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Mustard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So fresh anchovies. | ||
| I've never... | ||
| Ooh, that would make the gentleman's breakfast even better. | ||
| I bet it would. | ||
| Yeah, like when you get like a really good Caesar salad at a really good restaurant, they do it by the table. | ||
| The real old school. | ||
| The man with the tuxedo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Chook, chook, chook. | ||
| And it takes like 10 minutes. | ||
| He's there working on that thing in front of you. | ||
| That'd be like, yeah, that's a real old school move, right? | ||
| Like it's a Musso and Franks type thing. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, I love Musso and Franks. | ||
| Is that place 100 years old? | ||
| It's the oldest restaurant in LA. Yeah, I think it's 100 years old. | ||
| I think you're right. | ||
| I think it's like 1915 or something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You get a martini in that place, it's just perfect. | ||
| Yeah, they know what they're doing. | ||
| It's all old school stuff. | ||
| Old school steaks. | ||
| They put it in a tiny glass instead of these giant glasses like they use now. | ||
| It's a smaller glass. | ||
| And then they give you the extra... | ||
| In ice on the side of your glass. | ||
| Oh, those guys. | ||
| Any place that has a 70-year-old guy waiting on you in a uniform. | ||
| Look at that steak. | ||
| Yeah, that guy, then you know you're in good shape. | ||
| Let's go there. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Let's go for steaks there one night. | ||
| We should go for dinner. | ||
| We should. | ||
| We should. | ||
| We should go before the store. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Like, go for steaks. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Get a bunch of guys together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| I didn't even let a girl come. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eh. | |
| No, the problem is girls don't really like it there. | ||
| I've taken girls there. | ||
| My wife included. | ||
| They're not that into it. | ||
| They don't like an old man's pickle fingers giving you your meat. | ||
| Something about that turns the ladies off. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| Those places that still have that kind of... | ||
| You can't fake that in a mall. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You couldn't have a new Musso and Frank's. | ||
| Yeah, there's like, what's the Raos in New York? | ||
| It's like five tables. | ||
| It's hard to get into. | ||
| It's like where Joe Torre eats with Derek Jeter and Giuliani. | ||
| Is this the inside? | ||
| This is Muson Franks? | ||
| That's Musa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| God, that looks awesome. | ||
| That looks so good. | ||
| I've sat at that bar with a couple friends. | ||
| I've sat in that booth, like the curved booth at the back with my wife and a friend. | ||
| What's that one steakhouse in New York where they hang pipes from the ceiling? | ||
| Is it called Keen's? | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Keen's. | ||
| The clay pipes. | ||
| Is that the name of it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Am I saying the right name? | ||
| Keen's. | ||
| K-E-A-N-E. Phenomenal. | ||
| Steakhouse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And for some reason, like back in the day, like famous people would bring their pipe and they would hang the pipe on the wall. | ||
| They would give you a pipe. | ||
| They would give you a clay pipe and they have pipes that from everyone that smoked them there, Einstein, Patton, Roosevelt, all of these people, and the place is covered with it. | ||
| And then I roll in there for the first time in 2001, when the smoking ban has gone into effect, and you're not allowed to smoke a pipe in this legendary place! | ||
| I felt so... | ||
| Cheated? | ||
| Cheated! | ||
| Like when I went through puberty and AIDS showed up. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like, why us? | ||
| Why can't I smoke and put my pipe next to Albert Einstein's? | ||
| Yeah, when I was like 16 or 17, if I remember correctly, they raised the drinking age to 21. It used to be 18. Yeah. | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| Is that right? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| 18 to 21. I want to say I just missed it. | ||
| We did just miss it. | ||
| Wow, look at these. | ||
| Babe Ruth. | ||
| Babe Ruth's pipe. | ||
| Pee-wee Herman. | ||
| Now, let me- What? | ||
| Different kind of pipe. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Theodore Roosevelt's pipe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Look at that. | ||
| And then we roll in there and we're not allowed. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's kind of weak. | |
| I understand cleaning up the city and stopping people from having cancer. | ||
| Buffalo Bill's pipe. | ||
| One night. | ||
| Buffalo Bills pipe! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Buffalo Bills pipe. | |
| They have a beautiful nude behind the bar too. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| This huge painting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keens? | |
| Yeah, Keens. | ||
| It's a beautiful painting of this beautiful nude. | ||
| Look at that one ceiling. | ||
| That one ceiling where you see all the pipes, Jamie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, shouldn't Joe Rogan's pipe be up there? | ||
| Nah, we'd be faking it. | ||
| I've only been there twice. | ||
| I know, but... | ||
| I've only smoked a pipe once on this show. | ||
| I like a nice pipe once in a while. | ||
| What happened to pipe smoking? | ||
| Where'd it go? | ||
| I don't know because they're so much more pleasant to people that are around you. | ||
| Like a cigar drives everyone out of the room. | ||
| I love cigars. | ||
| I like cigars. | ||
| But they're rude. | ||
| But you smoke a pipe, the ladies aren't as offended. | ||
| Why is that? | ||
| Because it's more aromatic. | ||
| It's perfumey. | ||
| It's a gentleman's craft. | ||
| I have a pipe in my little pencil case. | ||
| You have a pipe right here, bro. | ||
| I just take it out. | ||
| I don't smoke it. | ||
| I just walk around with it. | ||
| I'm going to pack one in right now. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Look at these guys with their pipes. | ||
| They're long pipes. | ||
| No weed, huh? | ||
| Why can't we be like that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What happened to us? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We've become a bunch of babies. | ||
| Such babies. | ||
| Worried about cancer. | ||
| I understand trying to help people with the cancer and all that, but not at that one place. | ||
| Can't Keene still smoke? | ||
| There should be places that you could go that are like a club. | ||
| I go to the Soho Cigar Bar when I'm in New York. | ||
| That's a nice little spot. | ||
| I've smoked there with Chappelle and Alan Havy, Robert Kelly. | ||
| It's a great hang. | ||
| You go and you sit like gentlemen. | ||
| Like gentlemen. | ||
| Like gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you just discuss your life and you meditate after the day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a beautiful thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You could do that in a cigar bar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is a place that I go. | ||
| You could order food and you could smoke cigars. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It's a good restaurant, too. | ||
| That smells good. | ||
| It does smell good, right? | ||
| Thank you, Steven Crowder, for the lovely pipe and tobacco. | ||
| Problem with the pipe is you gotta keep it going. | ||
| Now could you, whenever you see at the improv and stuff, that picture of Jay Leno with his pipe? | ||
| In the old days when he was playing the improv like we are, he would smoke, he would carry his pipe around. | ||
| Could someone pull that off? | ||
| Could somebody do that today? | ||
| You'd have to do a lot of drugs. | ||
| You'd have to be like that Hunter S. Thompson guy that does so much drugs who lets you have a cigarette holder. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Remember when Hunter S. Thompson used to rock a cigarette holder? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Nobody else rocked a cigarette holder. | ||
| With Dunhill's in the end. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did it because he was just so far out there that everybody was like, it's fine. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's real. | ||
| I guess you'd have to have really kick-ass material. | ||
| You couldn't be hacky with a pipe. | ||
| Yeah, Chris Rock would rock a pipe. | ||
| Yeah, if you have killer material, you could do whatever you want. | ||
| I would like Chris Rock, now that he's divorced, to go on stage with one of those Hugh Hefner velour jackets on. | ||
| A velvet, right? | ||
| A velvet jacket on. | ||
| A smoking jacket. | ||
| With a smoking pipe. | ||
| I have one of those. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah, it's a red from Brooks Brothers. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Nice smoking jacket. | ||
| Deep pockets, like you put all your pipes and your... | ||
| Lighters in it. | ||
| Hot as hell though. | ||
| Do you walk around your house like in your underwear with a robe on ever? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Closed, but yeah. | ||
| I wear a robe. | ||
| Closed. | ||
| It's all girls in my place. | ||
| It's weird to... | ||
| At what age is it inappropriate for your kids to see your dick? | ||
| I would say... | ||
| Legit question. | ||
| For boys, no age. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For girls. | |
| For girls, I'm going to say like three, four. | ||
| Like three. | ||
| Four's are pretty. | ||
| Really? | ||
| They would climb into the shower and point and laugh. | ||
| So after that, you don't even let them look at it? | ||
| They can't see it? | ||
| No. | ||
| What if you climb out of the shower and they're right there? | ||
| Do you hide? | ||
| Yeah, like when I come out of the shower, I've got to walk down this little hallway and that door is sometimes open and it's towards my daughter's rooms. | ||
| And I'm really conscious of... | ||
| And it's such a weird... | ||
| I catch myself a lot. | ||
| I'm totally naked, but as long as I put everything in my palm of my hand, that would be okay if they happened to catch me. | ||
| Dude, my seven-year-old stands in front of the shower door, points at my dick, and laughs. | ||
| At seven? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My youngest is hilarious. | ||
| She's really funny, man. | ||
| She's just like, all she wants to do is go for the laugh, like, all the time. | ||
| She's constantly just going for the laugh. | ||
| And that's her thing, is that she's, like, really silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so, like, she's, like, really silly at school. | ||
| She's really silly at home. | ||
| That's my little one. | ||
| She just loves having fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good student. | ||
| Yeah, she's real good. | ||
| She's a great kid. | ||
| It's just really interesting to see kids grow up without the same kind of financial pressure that I grew up with, or that probably you grew up with too, or not the same kind of weirdness in the house. | ||
| Yeah, it's dad. | ||
| It's when dad's not freaking out. | ||
| That too, and also, I just think people know more about people now. | ||
| I think our parents didn't even have a chance. | ||
| No. | ||
| They didn't even understand themselves, let alone understand time with you and what was going to make you feel good. | ||
| And most likely they were crazy young. | ||
| Like, how old were your parents? | ||
| Yeah, 20. Yeah. | ||
| My mom was 20 or 20. Well, she was 20 when she got pregnant and 21 when she had me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If I can go back and think about when I was 20, if somebody told me I had to raise a kid at 20. Yeah. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I'd have a grown-up psychopath right now that I'd be trying to manage. | ||
| Dude, I'm sorry. | ||
| I got the whole thing wrong. | ||
| I don't know how we can redo this. | ||
| I think about that sometimes. | ||
| I let my parents off the hook all the time now, just in my memories, because when my dad said that to me, he was 28. You know what I mean? | ||
| He had no idea. | ||
| And he was 28 before the internet. | ||
| I think 28 today is way more knowledgeable. | ||
| I mean, there's pockets of flat earthers and shit out there that ruin that curve, but other than that, 28 today is way more knowledgeable, I think, than 28 of 20 years ago. | ||
| And yet, so much more immature. | ||
| Maybe in some ways, but I think that's generalizing. | ||
| I mean, I think it's really hard to say people today, because you're talking about so many people. | ||
| You're talking about 350 million people. | ||
| Yeah, but, you know, the idea that people were, like, men and women were raising families, doing all their hard work, doing all that, like, very adult stuff. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's an adolescence now that's extended until you're, like, mid-30s. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's like... | ||
| They may not be as intelligent because they didn't have as much knowledge and stuff, but they were grown-ups. | ||
| There was a distinction, like, I'm doing grown-up shit now. | ||
| Do you think that's almost like an evolutionary course? | ||
| Like, life gets easier, and then people learn more about stuff, but they don't have the same sort of physical resolve that people did back in the old days where they had to work harder? | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of like the two kind of go together. | ||
| It almost seems like there's a direction that people are moving into. | ||
| Yeah, and think about it. | ||
| Back then, people were dying at 60, 70. Now, if you're living to 100, why shouldn't your 20s be a little more adolescent? | ||
| Because you're going to live so much longer. | ||
| Well, apparently, the live longer thing, a big part of what the live longer thing is, they reduced a lot of infant mortality. | ||
| And a lot of it is like the average of how people die. | ||
| It's also infections when you're younger and all sorts of things before medical science. | ||
| But the actual age that people live to hasn't really changed as much as people think. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I thought it did too. | ||
| But what it really is, didn't Chris Ryan explain that to us? | ||
| I believe it was Dr. Chris Ryan, PhD, author of Sex at Dawn. | ||
| Good friend. | ||
| I know him well. | ||
| But I believe he was the one who educated us on that, that what's going on is that you're counting in infant mortality. | ||
| It used to be like if people got an infection, like a blood infection before antibiotics, guess what? | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You get septic, guess what? | ||
| You're dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tetanus? | ||
| Yeah, you're dead. | ||
| Rabies, you're dead. | ||
| Snakebite? | ||
| Yeah, you're dead. | ||
| Everybody's dead. | ||
| Yeah, but aren't people living like... | ||
| There's more like... | ||
| 90-year-old people, aren't there? | ||
| I would like to find that out. | ||
| Let's find out, Jim. | ||
| It also is probably cultural. | ||
| When I was in Africa, I was talking to a guy who was 50, and he was acting like he was at the end of his life. | ||
| Just matter-of-factly, just stoically, he's like, I don't have much time, you know. | ||
| And for people in the Maasai, they don't live that long. | ||
| Yeah, because lions live around fucking lions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, if you're 50 and you haven't been eaten yet, you're like, holy shit. | ||
| What a great run I've gone on. | ||
| The gods have smiled upon me. | ||
| I will continue. | ||
| Cecil has not taken my life. | ||
| This is March of 2016. It said for the first time in human history, I guess, people who are 65 and older will surpass those under 5. So there'll be more people that are older than there are that are younger. | ||
| So people are staying alive, but are they living longer? | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Is that the same? | ||
| No, they're not living longer to like 100 years old, but there's more people that are alive that are 65. So it's like people are staying alive, but are they living longer? | ||
| Like what is the long age that people live? | ||
| Like if you don't die of something, if you just die of old age, what is that number? | ||
| And has that number moved? | ||
| Yeah, I think that number... | ||
| Isn't that funny that we just fixate on that? | ||
| When do I die? | ||
| It's heavy, man. | ||
| When's the end of the movie, man? | ||
| You ever watch Netflix and you accidentally hit the remote and you see there's 48 minutes left and you're like, fuck, now I know. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I could have just been locked into this movie enjoying it for what it is. | ||
| Now I'm saying, okay, 48 minutes. | ||
| I kind of have to pee. | ||
| Should I hold it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Should I pause? | |
| And sometimes you feel shitty about yourself when you check. | ||
| You're like, I'm really enjoying this. | ||
| Why do I have to know? | ||
| Because we're retarded. | ||
| I feel bad sometimes if I check my phone and there's nothing on it. | ||
| I'm like, why did I even do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you just obsessively look at your phone and see if you got a text, why? | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| This phone thing is such a life suck. | ||
| It is. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| But again, it's also something that just needs to be managed. | ||
| Because it's a major connection to news. | ||
| You know what's fucked up, man? | ||
| I get the Time Magazine alerts. | ||
| And I get New York Times alerts. | ||
| I don't have the alerts. | ||
| I'll have the swipe left and see it. | ||
| I have alerts for certain breaking news things. | ||
| And for days, it was just Trump. | ||
| So every time my phone would vibrate... | ||
| I take a deep breath. | ||
| I'm like, please don't tell me we're at war. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I'm like, look at my phone. | ||
| Please don't tell me he dropped a nuke. | ||
| Please don't tell me some new Russia shit has gone down. | ||
| Every day it's some new Russia shit. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| It was so rapid fire. | ||
| Like those last two weeks before he took off on his vacation or his world tour... | ||
| It was non-stop. | ||
| There's something that was just revealed that's really interesting that James Comey has said that he ended the Hillary Clinton investigation early because there was some evidence that was introduced against her that was clearly counterfeit and from Russia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so he didn't want that evidence to leak. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, that's what I heard. | ||
| I heard some congressman on Face the Nation say that. | ||
| He said, this is what is going to get scary about all these leaks and stuff. | ||
| He goes, they're taking... | ||
| The information from, the emails from people, say like, you know, the emails from the DNC or whatever, and they're leaving 99% of it perfect, and they put just one little line in that says something that's heinous or says something about somebody doing something torrid or something, and they put that out. | ||
| That's more dangerous than just, in the old days, you're just trying to like launch some big story. | ||
| Now they just bury this one little item in this huge dump of information. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How do you sift through that? | ||
| How do you? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know if you do. | ||
| When you read something and it's been leaked to WikiLeaks, how do they know that it hasn't been altered? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Is that something that they do checks on? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Find that out. | ||
| Well, that's what the Comey thing, but it took a long time. | ||
| In the initial dump, it was like, they're just going through it and, what's this? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But it takes a long time to sift through it and see if that's really a true story or not. | ||
| The truth is like bubble gum right now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That would be an amazing feat if they could verify 100% the veracity of these emails that are being leaked. | ||
| They could probably verify the sources. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But whether or not they could verify that this hasn't been altered in any way, I don't know. | ||
| Maybe we just don't understand the technology. | ||
| Maybe they can do that. | ||
| They'll probably get there. | ||
| I mean, they've got to be working on it. | ||
| What the fuck, though? | ||
| That's my whole philosophy with everything in life right now. | ||
| Someone's working on that, right? | ||
| Well, it is so crazy. | ||
| Where's the nuclear waste going to go? | ||
| Someone's working on that. | ||
| Well, they have been working on that. | ||
| They're trying to figure out a way to use it for fuel. | ||
| That would be cool. | ||
| They think they can do it, too. | ||
| They think we're, you know, who knows how long away from using all of our nuclear waste as fuel. | ||
| For like a rocket ship? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They were talking about making batteries with it out of diamonds. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| They were talking about using nuclear radiation from nuclear waste to charge diamonds as batteries. | ||
| That's some Star Trek stuff. | ||
| I know, it sounds like total horseshit. | ||
| Where you have like this one little orb of stuff. | ||
| I needed a second Jamie. | ||
| A standby Jamie. | ||
| It seems like they can't actually confirm authenticity of the stuff they're getting. | ||
| They can't. | ||
| So when WikiLeaks gets an email, they can't necessarily guarantee the veracity. | ||
| But then they did at some point. | ||
| They couldn't with the Hillary stuff in the beginning, but now Comey's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know, man. | |
| Well, Comey's saying that one thing seemed to be counterfeit. | ||
| So one thing being counterfeit is like, okay, how do you know? | ||
| They're not going to release how they know yet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's a whole crazy bunch of shit going to go on with him and this investigation against Trump. | ||
| Yeah, it's big stuff. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's weird. | |
| Big time stuff. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I don't know how weird it is. | ||
| I mean, I really feel like Trump was running. | ||
| He didn't know he was going to win. | ||
| They were just like... | ||
| You know, he's still a businessman. | ||
| They're dealing with Russia and they're dealing with all this stuff. | ||
| They weren't thinking, like, politicians, like, this might look bad one day. | ||
| Then, holy shit, he gets through and the momentum carries and now he's the guy. | ||
| And it's like, oh, so Manafort probably shouldn't have made that deal with them. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, all this other... | ||
| He kind of got caught up because he just wasn't... | ||
| He was a businessman. | ||
| He was doing that stuff. | ||
| But he definitely wanted to win, you know? | ||
| You don't think he expected to win? | ||
| I don't think he expected to win. | ||
| No, he's still talking about it like, holy shit, I won! | ||
| He says it every time you ask him a question, you'll be like, so what do you think about palm trees? | ||
| Should we save those? | ||
| I don't know, but you know, it's really hard for a Republican to win the Electoral College, but I did it. | ||
| Did you see the map? | ||
| I just put up a map in my office about it. | ||
| Yeah, but isn't that just because he likes to congratulate himself? | ||
| Partially, but he's also a little in awe. | ||
| Boy, I don't see it that way. | ||
| No? | ||
| I see him as extremely self-congratulatory. | ||
| That's a part of his whole shtick. | ||
| Like when he talks about a television show, he'll say how it's number one because he watches it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| All the ratings. | ||
| Did you see him shove the guy out of the way? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What the fuck was that about? | ||
| It's him, man. | ||
| He pushed the guy out of the way and then straightened his jacket like a guy in a movie. | ||
| And when he pushed him out of the way, he grit his teeth like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He's so nuts. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| Who was the guy he pushed out of the way? | ||
| Weird. | ||
| He's the leader of Montenegro, who's just coming into the European Union. | ||
| So he's there like, this is my first time with the whole EU. This is my first time being here. | ||
| And they're coming out for a photo and Trump shoves him out of the way. | ||
| And they're like, straightens this thing like, I'm alright. | ||
| The glowing counter-terrorism. | ||
| The counter-terrorism globe. | ||
| Have you seen the photo from the other angle? | ||
| Like, which shows what they're looking at? | ||
| Like, all the desks and the crazy CL? No, but it's just, the fucking picture's preposterous. | ||
| That's everything that every conspirator... | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's everything every conspiracy theorist is fucking terrified about. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| There's a dude behind him who's dressed in traditional Arab garb. | ||
| Yeah, the Saudi guy. | ||
| Yeah, the Saudi guy who's probably worth a trillion dollars. | ||
| He's touching the globe. | ||
| The other guy, where's he from? | ||
| With his perfect suit and his Iranian face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He looks like a Middle Eastern gentleman also. | ||
| He's touching that globe. | ||
| Then Trump with his expensive suit on, his crazy hair, he's touching that globe. | ||
| And the light coming up from underneath like a scary camp story. | ||
| This is a fucking movie, man. | ||
| This is a movie. | ||
| They're holding on to a globe at the same time and it's glowing. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| This is a comic book. | ||
| I know, it really is. | ||
| It's a comic book. | ||
| This is a scene in Star Wars. | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Why do that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Do you think Obama would hold onto that globe? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you think Obama would be like, hold on, what are we doing? | ||
| Yeah, right here. | ||
| The globe, it's glowing. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| What does that represent? | ||
| I think we're going to pass on the globe. | ||
| Why is it glowing? | ||
| Do we have an explanation for this? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Can we take this? | ||
| Let's take a picture by the fountain instead. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| It's all of it. | ||
| This is so odd. | ||
| It's so odd. | ||
| It's a big oil grab. | ||
| Now I understand why dudes are out there with the fucking metal detector, man. | ||
| Simplify life. | ||
| Just looking for shiny rocks and metal and shit. | ||
| Joe, I am telling you, this bread obsession of mine is... | ||
| If things are going well, I'm probably not making as much bread. | ||
| But to just go in simply and just be making bread with the news off and just put on some Bob Marley and just go and make bread and give it to my friends and family, it's a calming thing in these chaotic times. | ||
| And I'm not... | ||
| You know, it's corny. | ||
| I'm not trying to be corny. | ||
| But I really believe that back to basic, it seems like people are just like, let's just simplify things. | ||
| This is out of whack. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Let me just. | ||
| Well, bread is a task, right? | ||
| You know, you've got your ingredients, you know what to do, and if you do all the things that you're supposed to do, it'll come out this delicious, amazing food that you can eat. | ||
| Yeah, and yet it's elusive. | ||
| You have to tend to it. | ||
| It's a craft. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| You have to learn it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So this task, it becomes this thing that your mind is fixated on, and you can fill your consciousness with the nuances of this task and not think about all the bullshit, like these fucking weirdos grabbing globes. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| Making weird oil deals all over the place. | ||
| What was the other question that we were asking about when I was trying to double jam you? | ||
| Montenegro. | ||
| Well, the death, the average age of death. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Which I didn't really get to yet. | ||
| 78.8 is what it hasn't changed from. | ||
| 78.8 for men? | ||
| Yeah, but I think that's still based off of that infant mortality thing added into it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's always added into it. | ||
| This is just like right out of like a James Bond. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| This is like X-Men. | ||
| That's like Star Wars. | ||
| Like you expect Darth Vader to like be at the end of that and the guy comes in after to give the report on what happened. | ||
| Seriously, though, could you imagine being Trump, a guy who used to host a reality show on NBC? Yeah. | ||
| He's a successful businessman. | ||
| You know, he's a well-known guy. | ||
| But, I mean, how much of that is a ramp up between you or I or a lot of people that we know that are famous? | ||
| How much of his, like, Jerry Seinfeld. | ||
| Is Donald Trump a ramp up in popularity over Jerry Seinfeld? | ||
| I guess he is now that he's the president, but when Jerry was on TV and Trump was on, they're kind of commensurate. | ||
| You could see, like, Jerry Seinfeld being president, is what my point is. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Ronald Reagan. | ||
| Go back to that original picture that we were just looking at just a couple frames ago. | ||
| Now go and think of a guy like this. | ||
| Go full screen on this fucking thing. | ||
| Imagine Jerry Seinfeld and all of a sudden Seinfeld gets invited to this League of Nations thing that looks like a superhero comic book scene in one of those movies. | ||
| I mean there's a goddamn picture of the earth that's a light that's on the wall. | ||
| All the light on the floor is blue. | ||
| There's little spotlights everywhere. | ||
| It's all freaky and clean and perfect. | ||
| There's these little screens in front of every chair. | ||
| Like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| This is where all the world's decisions get made? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It looks like the, uh, what's the Peter Sellers movie with the bomb? | ||
| Dr. Strangelove? | ||
| It looks like Dr. Strangelove. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It looks like Dr. Strangelove. | ||
| Well, just, I mean, why would we expect them to make more sense than us? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's the thing about world leaders. | ||
| Like, they're just people. | ||
| And they're people that have an extraordinary amount of power with not nearly as much oversight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| In most countries, right? | ||
| In most of these, like, Middle Eastern countries and most of these, I mean, they don't really have to fucking tell people what they're doing. | ||
| They do whatever the hell they want. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| In a lot of these places that we have relationships with, they have crazy human rights violations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, look, you have to deal with good and bad. | ||
| You can't really... | ||
| I know, but look at that, man. | ||
| Imagine someone like Seinfeld there. | ||
| Imagine if he won. | ||
| Like, what if Seinfeld became president? | ||
| He's like, this is crazy. | ||
| What is this globe? | ||
| What are we doing with this thing on the wall? | ||
| I can't find my translator. | ||
| Trump is... | ||
| I mean, we always think of politicians the same way I used to think about celebrities before I met a few of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You meet him and you go, oh, that's just a dude. | ||
| He's just a dude. | ||
| Right. | ||
| He's just a guy. | ||
| Yeah, just a guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just so happens that they become famous. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I think that's kind of the same way with politicians. | ||
| We've always thought of people... | ||
| That's one of the reasons why we've almost allowed them a certain amount of leeway when it comes to insincerity and getting caught in corruption and lies. | ||
| There's a certain amount, like, she's a politician. | ||
| He's a senator. | ||
| This is what they do. | ||
| You let it slide. | ||
| Yeah, you let a little bit of it slide. | ||
| But if it was a friend that was doing that, you'd have serious problems with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But look, things have to be a little dirty because you're dealing with everybody. | ||
| You're dealing with everybody. | ||
| There's so many interests. | ||
| That's what a politician is. | ||
| It's a compromise. | ||
| It's playing both sides. | ||
| It's trying to get stuff done. | ||
| I think we've gone to this... | ||
| This absurd point of misinterpreting good for flawless. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There could be good people who have a lot of dirty stuff going on. | ||
| No one's flawless. | ||
| The idea that, based on the internet, we're able to get all information on everybody all the time. | ||
| We can't hold people to a standard of being flawless. | ||
| It doesn't exist. | ||
| But I think you can be good while still making some, you know, if you set that parameter, that bar, you're never going to have people that are good enough. | ||
| Yeah, and you're going to have these weirdos that have insane egos, because those are the only ones that are willing to take the punishment of being criticized the way Trump's taking it right now. | ||
| He's taking it in a way that no one's ever taken it before. | ||
| You could say he deserves it. | ||
| I'm not saying that. | ||
| I'm not making a judgment call. | ||
| I'm saying it is absolutely fascinating the way the media and the way people online are treating this president of the United States. | ||
| It may be justified. | ||
| I'm not arguing that it's not. | ||
| What I'm saying though is it's a very unique moment in time where you see so many people attacking the president. | ||
| Well, it's such a rush. | ||
| You know, you could say, I was having a discussion with my teenage daughter about navigating online stuff and seeing what people are doing, and it's almost like the president is going through the same thing that you're going through as a comedian that teenage girls are going through. | ||
| This is a flood of information and access and attacks and praise and everything from everybody all the time, 24 hours a day. | ||
| So the same way we have to navigate with haters and all that kind of stuff, the same way kids do, the president has to deal with a flood that's never been This raging before. | ||
| I mean, it is an intense, intense thing. | ||
| And it almost is like, who else but somebody built for television is ready for this job at this time? | ||
| And maybe not even him. | ||
| But what I was saying is that politicians were always like, a thing not like you or I. But then all of a sudden they are a thing like you or I, because now it's Trump. | ||
| And he might not be like the average person, but he's like you or I. I almost did his show. | ||
| When I was doing the re-version, the new version of Fear Factor, they invited me to do it. | ||
| And I thought about it for a while, but I would have had to live in New York for a few months, and I was like, I don't want to do that. | ||
| The new Fear Factor that's coming out? | ||
| The old one. | ||
| Oh, the old one. | ||
| Like in 2011 or whatever the hell it was when we redid it again. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And you would have been with him. | ||
| I could have been hanging out with him. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He came on the marriage ref. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I sat with him on the marriage ref. | ||
| We hung out backstage. | ||
| The first thing he said when he walked into the dressing room was, we're going to get great ratings tonight. | ||
| We're going to get great ratings. | ||
| He was so focused. | ||
| And he was impressive. | ||
| He was tall. | ||
| He was a dominant guy in the room. | ||
| And then I'm sitting on stage with him, and we're all talking about married couples. | ||
| It was like you would show real people, and then you'd discuss their marital problems, and the celebrities would weigh in. | ||
| And the whole time he's right next to me, and the whole time he's making jokes about the girl's breasts. | ||
| He's just like, you know, nothing really... | ||
| Just being funny. | ||
| He was being funny. | ||
| And he would be like, well, you know, she's got something going for her. | ||
| And then he would look at me and give me a little wink on the side. | ||
| And it wasn't for the cameras. | ||
| It was just for me. | ||
| And it felt kind of creepy. | ||
| But it's like he was just a dude. | ||
| He's a charmer. | ||
| He's sitting there with me in equal footing. | ||
| And now he's the president of the United States. | ||
| Think about how powerful. | ||
| There's not one human being I don't believe in the country that doesn't have the word Trump go through their brain, whether they say it out loud or not. | ||
| All day. | ||
| Or at least a couple times a day. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's so insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's initial disbelief, then there's an aftershock, and now there is a waiting for the next shoe to drop. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Everybody's just sitting around waiting for the newest scandal. | ||
| Every day. | ||
| Waiting for the impeachment, waiting for the lawsuits, waiting for the jail. | ||
| You just want calm. | ||
| I mean, you know, you have a great joke when you've been working on about this isn't a job for one person. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| This really should be a committee of people running this country. | ||
| It's too much for somebody. | ||
| And I love the joke. | ||
| But I think that what his job is, what that president's job is more than anything, is to just lead people. | ||
| He has power. | ||
| All those people in those positions, they have power. | ||
| And what they say and what they do affects people. | ||
| Not policy, just the Reagan-esque world. | ||
| How they carry themselves. | ||
| Carry themselves. | ||
| Make you feel good about the direction. | ||
| And right now, everybody's... | ||
| Filled with anxiety because he's not doing that part of the job well. | ||
| Well, he still goes on Twitter and calls people losers. | ||
| And you're like, wait, it's like a kid, like you were saying before, it's like a kid hearing, like having a dad be batshit crazy in the house. | ||
| The house is going to be crazy. | ||
| If dad is shooting heroin and he's laying on the couch and he's covered in Cheetos and he's yelling at the wife, the whole house is going to be freaked out. | ||
| That's what's going on. | ||
| But is that the price that we have to pay to realize that our system is ridiculous? | ||
| Is there any... | ||
| The throwing the card table up and... | ||
| Is there any value in that thought? | ||
| I mean, other than the real issues with the environment, the rolling back the standards on the EPA and all the different things he's doing that freak people out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Dakota Access Pipeline, which I don't understand enough to know whether or not they were going to restart that anyway. | ||
| I know Obama shut it down, right? | ||
| And then Trump brought it back up again. | ||
| Who knows if they had made some sort of an agreement? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who knows how that works? | ||
| Who knows if they... | ||
| You know how that business is very dirty. | ||
| It's very dirty. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I mean, you could make a case that all of this is a big oil grab, right? | ||
| Well, the Dakota Pipeline stuff is terrifying. | ||
| Dakota Pipeline stuff, the head of the EPA is an oil guy, the Secretary of State is an Exxon guy, the people he favors more than our European allies are Saudi Arabia and Russia, big oil. | ||
| Business partners. | ||
| You could say, this is just business. | ||
| As usual. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And the thing is, and this is what's so complex about it, it's... | ||
| Okay, so maybe it's an oil grab and he's getting his friends rich, but oil also is so much more than just what's coming out of our cars. | ||
| We are so deep in oil, it's not... | ||
| My main thing is the planet and its beauty and trying to sustain it. | ||
| I'm a complete believer in climate change and all of that. | ||
| But to naively say we can just shut down oil and be like, we can all just move along, it's so much deeper than that. | ||
| My nephew just graduated from school, and he's a big agro-farming guy. | ||
| That's what he wants to do with his whole life. | ||
| His revelation was that oil and food are so interconnected. | ||
| All of the fertilizer that's creating all of the food that we're eating every day is oil-based. | ||
| He said, so you're trying to separate emissions and all this stuff, but just the food that we eat is so tied to oil. | ||
| We need oil. | ||
| So I don't know how you fix that and how you try and make good policy about it. | ||
| Well, there are alternatives to fossil fuel-based oils that they use to make plastics. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| I know they can even make plastic out of hemp. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, it's biodegradable. | ||
| And they've just started to make these biodegradable natural fiber plastic bags that are made out of plant plastic. | ||
| Yeah, like in the supermarket. | ||
| If you put your vegetables in those, they're supposed to... | ||
| Well, when they go into the environment, they'll actually biodegrade. | ||
| They will become dirt again. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| As opposed to a regular plastic bag, which probably takes like a fucking 100,000 years or something. | ||
| Then birds eat it and die and choke on the plastic caps. | ||
| But apparently you can make plastic out of hemp. | ||
| And it's super easy to make in terms of, like, it regrows itself very quickly. | ||
| Like, if you have a forest and you're trying to make paper, like, you know, you're trying to make paper out of a, you know, you have a forest timber that you chop down specifically for paper. | ||
| To regrow it to the point where you could grow paper again could take years. | ||
| I don't know how many years, but many years. | ||
| Whereas hemp regrows itself every year. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Every year, yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What is this right here, Jamie? | ||
| This is edible plastic made out of milk protein. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, jeez. | |
| That's a reason for food packaging. | ||
| Holy cow. | ||
| Not vegan. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, they're packaging dairy products and whatnot with it, at least is what the video shows. | ||
| That's fascinating. | ||
| I just saw this video two days ago. | ||
| Well, that's certainly something that can be worked on. | ||
| The idea of biodegradable plastics would be huge. | ||
| That's one of the scariest things is... | ||
| That we started making waste and never had a plan to do anything with the waste, and then it stacked up to the point where we're dealing with enormous amounts of waste being put out by human beings every single second of every single day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huge! | |
| I was in New York last week, just working the Comedy Cellar all week, and every night I left the club, just on McDougal Street, just between 3rd and Bleecker, The amount of garbage that's thrown out of these restaurants and these juice places and coffee places stacked waist high all the way down the street every single day. | ||
| You see rats darting in and out of them. | ||
| Oh, tons of rats. | ||
| Tons of rats. | ||
| They're creepy. | ||
| Yeah, we are a weird creature, man. | ||
| There's so many of us. | ||
| And we're not really thinking about that. | ||
| Like, you think about how many, like, on an average day, how many water bottles do you come across in LA? It's the worst. | ||
| Jesus Christ, there's like ten of them here in this room. | ||
| I know, I feel guilty drinking it. | ||
| I got gas this morning, I threw a bunch out of my car, I threw them into the garbage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gas? | |
| When I got gas, you know, I threw it at the garbage can at the gas station. | ||
| I was like, look how many fucking water bottles I have in my car. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Think about how many times someone had to make plastic and how many bottles of plastic are being made and then that plastic has to be in a landfill somewhere. | ||
| Or floating in the ocean, that giant island in the ocean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That big plastic bottle island. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it's terrible. | ||
| Apparently it's not quite an island. | ||
| They call it an island, but it's really just like a floating patch. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But it's disgusting. | ||
| It's horrible. | ||
| It's really bad. | ||
| Some kids figured out a way to fix that. | ||
| There's so many people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just, I mean, there's so many of us. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Like, I'm all for farm-to-table and, like, knowing where your meat comes from. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I want to do it. | ||
| I'm trying, you know... | ||
| But when you think about how many people are looking for lunch at the same time, all those mouths looking to feed, I mean... | ||
| You need like a McDonald's. | ||
| Somebody's got to feed these people. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| In a cheap way. | ||
| There's definitely an issue, for sure. | ||
| I don't know if you need a McDonald's. | ||
| But you need something. | ||
| You need food, and there's 20-plus million people in this area that aren't growing anything other than the occasional pot plant. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| Maybe a fern. | ||
| I have a fern in my kitchen. | ||
| I'm growing my own basil. | ||
| I'm growing my own peppers. | ||
| I mean, who the fuck do you know that grows enough to live off of? | ||
| I know. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| You can't do it unless you live on a farm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody's growing enough food to live off. | ||
| I mean, just the people you see on the 405. I mean, just feed those people. | ||
| You know what it is to have on this great Memorial Day weekend? | ||
| If you're going to have some people over and have a little barbecue... | ||
| You bring ten people over, you gotta get some food. | ||
| This is some serious amount of food you need to feed ten people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Billions of people! | ||
| And then they want to eat again in an hour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they want chips. | ||
| Do you have chips? | ||
| Do you have any soda? | ||
| What kind of soda do you have? | ||
| Taking dumps in your bathroom. | ||
| Filling up your fucking pipes with their shit. | ||
| Think about how much shit is going through. | ||
| They're eating on the bowl. | ||
| Chewing on a rib and taking a dump. | ||
| Think how much shit is going through under the city every minute. | ||
| The comedy store has a bathroom. | ||
| There's a new bathroom they just put in. | ||
| Oh yeah, I saw that fancy. | ||
| It backed up last night. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Yeah, they have old pipes in a new bathroom. | ||
| I don't know what they did, if they replaced the pipes, but something went wrong. | ||
| Oh, boy. | ||
| And I walked by the bathroom last night and was like, what the fuck is that smell? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's terrible. | |
| There's something about the smell of shit outside of the water that is just so repulsive. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| Back to the dog thing. | ||
| We were talking about our dogs rolling in shit and stuff. | ||
| My cousin's dog the other day... | ||
| They had people coming to paint the house. | ||
| And my cousin's wife told them, hey, listen, you can use our bathroom. | ||
| Don't worry about going, you know, you don't have to go outside. | ||
| Our bathroom is your bathroom. | ||
| But they didn't really speak English. | ||
| They didn't really listen to her. | ||
| And some guy took a dump in the bushes. | ||
| The dog... | ||
| Rolled around and it came running inside and she's like, oh my god. | ||
| How did you get human shit on your head? | ||
| How did she know it was human shit? | ||
| It smelled different. | ||
| And then they went outside and looked and they're like, you guys, use our bathroom. | ||
| Oh, we're so sorry. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| Oh my god, there's shit in the yard. | ||
| And the dog is so happy. | ||
| Look what I found! | ||
| These guys are great! | ||
| Have you seen these guys outside? | ||
| They're so great! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why does a dog want to roll in shit? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What possesses it to think that that's a good move? | |
| They're just so happy. | ||
| Oh man, I guess I'll roll in this. | ||
| No one's gonna throw a ball? | ||
| I'll roll in this. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| Look what I found! | ||
| Have you met these guys? | ||
| They're awesome! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Their shit smells terrific. | |
| Oh, so terrible. | ||
| Ari Shapiro apparently smeared his own shit on his face during a podcast. | ||
| Why? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They were talking about it. | ||
| One of their podcasts they did, he went to the bathroom, and I guess he didn't do a good job of wiping, and then he reached back and felt his butt and then smeared it on his face like war paint. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They got taken off YouTube for that. | ||
| I can't find that. | ||
| I'm weird. | ||
| I would have felt like YouTube would get behind that with all their advertising money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's terrible. | ||
| Just wear a big shit on yourself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He boiled his brain out there in Thailand. | |
| He's out there in fucking Vietnam in the hot sun for too long. | ||
| Yeah, every time he comes back, he's a little different. | ||
| He's living a very unique life, that fella. | ||
| He is. | ||
| God bless him. | ||
| Is he off the cell phone now, even though he's here? | ||
| No, he'll text you. | ||
| You know, you can text him. | ||
| You can? | ||
| Yeah, he texts. | ||
| He has one of those flip phones that you can text with. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, like flip sideways and it's got like a keyboard. | ||
| He'll send you a text. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But you can't like send... | ||
| If you send him a picture, he has to forward it to his email. | ||
| Oh, good. | ||
| He's got to go to a... | ||
| Check it on his computer. | ||
| He's got to go to a library. | ||
| And they won't let him in because he's got shit on his face. | ||
| You're the guy. | ||
| Shit face. | ||
| Shit face. | ||
| You get out of my library. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Poor Ari. | |
| It's so funny. | ||
| That guy went away for four months, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| Just vanished for four months without talking to anybody. | ||
| And then he shows up and it's like, oh, it's time to tape this TV show again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not a bad move. | ||
| Well, I mean, I guarantee you he's got some crazy stories. | ||
| There's no way he doesn't. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because he's probably out there making stories happen, too. | ||
| Like, knowing that he's going to need some stories. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's true. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, his whole show is a story. | ||
| It's all stories. | ||
| He needs it. | ||
| His show's one of the best shows on Comedy Central. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| I really hope Comedy Central never cancels that thing. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| One of the best shows on Comedy Central. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| It's one of the best stand-up shows there is. | ||
| It really is good. | ||
| And I did it twice. | ||
| And I get more hits off of that than I do stand-up sets. | ||
| Well, it's just different. | ||
| Yeah, they just like seeing it. | ||
| Because it's stories. | ||
| You're talking about stories. | ||
| And it's also different because guys like Henry Rollins did it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's not even necessarily a comic, but he's a great storyteller. | ||
| So he'll do this stand-up comedy storytelling show and just tell his stories. | ||
| And the setting's really cool. | ||
| It looks good, like in that strip club. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Have you ever been to that strip club outside of... | ||
| No. | ||
| I want to go there one day when he's not filming the show. | ||
| Just to go hang? | ||
| Just to feel what it's like when you really see it. | ||
| Yeah, that would be cool. | ||
| What is that place really like? | ||
| We're seeing a side of it that's not real. | ||
| No, you're seeing Atlantic City in the daytime. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like... | |
| This is very different than what happens when the sun goes down. | ||
| Atlantic City in the daytime is dark. | ||
| Oof, yeah. | ||
| Is that a strip around the pole right there? | ||
| Hey, put your girls in the audience. | ||
| The fuck is this shit? | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't look fun. | ||
| When I was a kid, there was no girls that went to strip clubs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
None. | |
| Zero. | ||
| Now everybody's like, yeah. | ||
| It's a thing to do. | ||
| She's so hot. | ||
| It's like going to a sports bar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like girls who go to cigar bars. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm just like you guys. | ||
| I'm one of the guys. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But we're here to not be with you right now. | ||
| They're trying to test your resolve, young Tom Papa. | ||
| Trying to calm down. | ||
| They're trying to get you to come over their side. | ||
| Slowly but surely, they turn you. | ||
| No, man, she's cool. | ||
| She's different from all the rest. | ||
| How about the guy who brings his girlfriend everywhere? | ||
| How about that brutal motherfucker? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You're going to have fights over your house. | ||
| Hey, man, you want to come over and watch the fights? | ||
| Yeah, sure. | ||
| I'm bringing Cindy. | ||
| Oh, you fuck. | ||
| You fuck. | ||
| You didn't even ask. | ||
| It's cool, right? | ||
| Those guys who don't even ask. | ||
| You just open the door and you're like, oh. | ||
| Everybody's over the house laughing. | ||
| People are drinking. | ||
| Pot smoking. | ||
| Someone's jerking off the dog with their foot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then she comes in! | ||
| Are you guys ever gonna grow up? | ||
| I did that once in college. | ||
| I came in and I was the guy who brought the girl and walked in and you could just The feel from everybody. | ||
| The hate was so thick and they just got so silent and changed the vibe until you got her out of there. | ||
| There was no other way to do it. | ||
| There's the guy comic who brings his girlfriend to everything and then expects her to be able to talk on podcasts. | ||
| There's a special place in hell reserved for those gentlemen. | ||
| You know who you pussy whipped mongrels are. | ||
| You get your shit together. | ||
| You get your shit together and don't you ever do that again. | ||
| Yeah, look you want to go to dinner sure bring her along you want to do it fine Mike's problem is that he doesn't listen to me enough I know, that's so great you're here to tell me that. | ||
| That's what I want to do right now. | ||
| We would be the same exact thing if we showed up for one of their Fifty Shades of Grey parties. | ||
| They're all wearing ball gags and ready to fucking tie each other up with stockings. | ||
| And we show up, oh great, you brought Jamie. | ||
| No, yeah, a guy going in with all girls, you ruin the whole night for them. | ||
| You ruin the vibe, man. | ||
| You show up at a Tupperware party? | ||
| Tom makes bread. | ||
| I make bread. | ||
| Ladies, the seal on this is not going to be enough to keep my bread fresh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucking... | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| You ever see girls at your shows and there's like a whole table of girls? | ||
| They're so free and they're so... | ||
| They're laughing. | ||
| They're having a good time. | ||
| One guy sits at that table... | ||
| Ruins it. | ||
| Ruins it. | ||
| Yeah, because he's playing sexual politics with at least two different girls. | ||
| Like, you might have a girlfriend there, but he's a little too friendly with her friend, and she's getting pissed off, and you complimented her dress. | ||
| I thought she was your friend. | ||
| It's a nice dress. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You look better. | |
| Now you say that. | ||
| You didn't say that before. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sometimes you just need a break. | |
| Like the blueberry pie eating contest in Stand By Me, just in your face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Sometimes you need a break. | ||
| You need to light a cigar and be alone. | ||
| Get out of that. | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| It's absolutely important for any friendship, any relationship, any time two people interact with each other to take time apart from each other. | ||
| Just have a little bit of space. | ||
| You know, all the time. | ||
| Like, if you're on top of each other each and every day, unless you're a really unique couple, which I have met before. | ||
| They're out there. | ||
| They make you feel really bad about your own relationship. | ||
| They do everything together and they're always looking at each other and laughing. | ||
| Yeah, no, we're great. | ||
| We work together and we play together. | ||
| Well, we just get along. | ||
| We finish each other's sentences. | ||
| They're holding hands all the time. | ||
| Yeah, it does happen. | ||
| It does happen. | ||
| I hate them. | ||
| Well, you know what it is, man? | ||
| It's just like they found that frequency, that unique personality frequency. | ||
| Because oftentimes, your frequency and someone else's frequency is just, they're just off. | ||
| Yeah, and that doesn't mean you don't love each other. | ||
| Like, one person might be the who, and the other person is the doors. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're like, okay, we gotta figure out what we're doing here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is the end. | ||
| But we both really like the Beatles. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My only friend, the end. | |
| Oh, how can you play that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who are you? | |
| Who, who, who, who? | ||
| Like, no, no, no. | ||
| You're too hyper. | ||
| Too hyper, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you. | |
| Totally different. | ||
| I know what I'm doing. | ||
| And those two people are together for 15 years. | ||
| Yeah, but clawing each other's throats. | ||
| It's really interesting when you see people that are clawing each other's throats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, that's a good question. | ||
| Who would you rather be around? | ||
| The couple that's stabbing at each other or the ideal couple who's making you feel like your relationship isn't so great? | ||
| Oh, the ideal couple, for sure. | ||
| I want to be around happy people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I want to be around people that are enjoying each other's company. | ||
| There's nothing more frustrating than being around two people that insult each other like slyly in public. | ||
| Ooh, it's brutal. | ||
| We know a couple of those. | ||
| Phil Hartman's wife used to do that all the time. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They say you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but when they kill your friend and then kill themselves, I think you're allowed to talk shit. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| There's no reverence and death for the bad ones. | ||
| They had a very combative relationship, but she used to talk shit about him in front of us. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, right in front of him and us. | ||
| It was just like, she would say he's old. | ||
| One time she was talking about her car. | ||
| Phil was talking about a car. | ||
| Phil was a car aficionado. | ||
| Loved cars. | ||
| So we were talking about a car. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| And then she goes, I love pickup trucks. | ||
| I want to get a pickup truck. | ||
| All my boyfriends back home had pickup trucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And you're just picturing her getting stuffed in the back of this pickup truck by some fucking farmer boy, some dude with thick wrists and big ol' catcher's mid-hands, just laying his fat dick to her. | ||
| Doesn't even take his pants off. | ||
| But saying that, like, I don't know. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| And was it constantly like that? | ||
| She was always belittling him, always tearing him down? | ||
| They would have these horrible fights, man. | ||
| I never understand that. | ||
| It's like you're together. | ||
| His success is your success. | ||
| And yet they'll still tear them down. | ||
| Well, people don't think logically. | ||
| I know what you're saying, but that's not a logical thought. | ||
| I think they just didn't get along great. | ||
| For whatever reason. | ||
| Phil was really fucking smart, too. | ||
| He was the coolest. | ||
| He was a really smart guy. | ||
| You're so lucky you got to know him. | ||
| Yeah, he would do things, like he learned how to be a pilot. | ||
| So he would be on the set, and during the downtime, he'd be reading aviation books. | ||
| He'd be sitting there reading them, going through them. | ||
| He was the most studious guy and the most disciplined with his notes. | ||
| He would have his script, and each one of his scenes that he was in would have a certain highlight, like a tab, like a green tab or whatever the color tab was. | ||
| And then all of his scenes would be highlighted. | ||
| He'd have notes beside them. | ||
| Specific parts of the scene where he wanted to do something different or he questioned his intent. | ||
| And he would just, every time he would nail it. | ||
| Every time he would nail it. | ||
| The incredibly rare time where he would crack up during a filming. | ||
| But, you know, just having fun. | ||
| It was never like he fucked up. | ||
| But he never fucked up, right. | ||
| I mean, everybody fucks up and laughs when you're not supposed to laugh, because it's funny. | ||
| But he was on his game. | ||
| He was so professional, but he was like a very, very, very intelligent man. | ||
| Well, he was an artist, too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Didn't he start out, like, designing album covers? | ||
| He designed album covers for bands. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Before he was ever even on SNL. He was also one of the writers for Pee Wee's Playhouse. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he was on Pee-wee's Playhouse. | ||
| Yeah, he was on Pee-wee's Playhouse. | ||
| And I think he wrote the first movie. | ||
| I think he wrote Pee-wee's Big Adventure as one of the writers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What a great... | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| So you got to hang with him a lot? | ||
| You guys would hang all the time? | ||
| He took me up in his plane. | ||
| He did? | ||
| Yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| I was going to buy a house. | ||
| And he was suggesting on these different areas. | ||
| And he said, what do you like? | ||
| I said, I just like quiet. | ||
| I like peace. | ||
| I like to see things that are pretty, like nature. | ||
| And he's like, okay, because I think there's an area, like right around Thousand Oaks area. | ||
| I want you to check this out. | ||
| So he'd take me up in his plane, flying around and looking at it. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Instead of driving on the 101 to go look. | ||
| He had like a small plane. | ||
| And what freedom you have when you have a plane, man. | ||
| Do you ever want to do that? | ||
| Fly yourself? | ||
| Yeah, but it's a weird way to go when you know this fucking plane's dying on you. | ||
| I've had cars die on me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| I know. | ||
| The mechanical end of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yikes! | |
| Are you mechanical? | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I know certain things, but it's like someone saying, yeah, I took karate when I was 14. Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I ran my own stereo in my Toyota Corolla. | ||
| I did that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But I wouldn't tell you that I can install stereos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I know a little bit about cars, but I love them. | ||
| Yeah, I did too, but that's the thing. | ||
| I feel like if you're going to have your own plane, you've got to be really knowledgeable and be on top of it. | ||
| You've got to know your limits, and that's kind of my limit. | ||
| Yeah, it was intense, man. | ||
| The landing was intense. | ||
| It was a little tiny plane, man. | ||
| It was a little two-seater plane. | ||
| So it was me and Phil, and we're coming in for this landing. | ||
| I'm like, Jesus, it's right there. | ||
| The ground's right there. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's a small plane. | ||
| And knowing that it's like your goofy friend from the set is taking you in. | ||
| Well, he was always like an older brother to me on the set. | ||
| Yeah, because he was older than me. | ||
| How much older was he? | ||
| At least 16 years older, maybe more, maybe 17, 18 years old or something like that. | ||
| And he was a star already, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| He was a star. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was so great. | ||
| When we were on the set, he was in movies all the time. | ||
| He was just getting off of Saturday Night Live. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then, of course... | ||
| Dave Foley was a big star from Kids in the Hall. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was a big alternative star, too. | ||
| Like, everybody loved him, because he was so smart, and the writing was so good. | ||
| And then Andy Dick was, like, a known weirdo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And so it was a fascinating little group of humans. | ||
| It was a great crew. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Great crew. | ||
| I remember spending a whole summer just watching Phil's Best of SNL disc. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| The funniest. | ||
| And stuff that wasn't even a hit. | ||
| Like him playing the acting teacher. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| I mean, I would watch it in a loop. | ||
| I could not stop watching it. | ||
| He was so... | ||
| This is something. | ||
| This is nothing. | ||
| This is something. | ||
| This is nothing. | ||
| And then he would like... | ||
| Sir, can I get out of my class? | ||
| He was on the money... | ||
| 100% of the time. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| He would do stand-up for the audience, for fun. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He would warm up the crowd. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| You know, he was putting together almost like a little routine that he would do. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And we talked about it. | ||
| He's like, I think I'm going to go on stage someday. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I don't think he ever really did it, though. | ||
| But he could have easily done it. | ||
| And his wife just, God damn. | ||
| Well, hey, man, she was troubled. | ||
| She was a troubled person, and she was also on Zoloft and Cocaine. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Which apparently leads to psychotic thoughts, and it's apparently a very bad combination, especially for some people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People have their own particular sort of human neurochemistry they got going on up there and with some people when they do coke and Zoloft together, it just makes them insane. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but those are the real one of the Real losses as a fan of his is that he was the kind of guy that the older he got the better he would become. | ||
| Oh, yeah He was playing guys who are older than him. | ||
| He had that very fatherly Intelligent, older kind of vibe anyway. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So as a 75, 80-year-old, he would still be killing it. | ||
| Yeah, I think there's a million different kinds of tragedies. | ||
| But the big one is those kids had to deal with the fact that their mom killed them and then killed herself. | ||
| How many? | ||
| Two kids. | ||
| And then they went and lived with family afterwards. | ||
| Just the whole thing is so dark. | ||
| It's so sad. | ||
| It is, man. | ||
| It is the worst. | ||
| But, I mean, it was also... | ||
| It's just more evidence of what happens when people are in those combative relationships. | ||
| I know. | ||
| They don't gel together. | ||
| Well, you know, you have somebody... | ||
| Have you ever been around, like, just a toxic person? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And it's like, just one-on-one, you leave, and you're like, it's an energy that just drains you. | ||
| And then imagine living with that person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's too much work. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Too much work. | ||
| But, you know... | ||
| You ever dated somebody who was really kind of toxic? | ||
| It's kind of exciting at the same time. | ||
| Sometimes, the freaky ones are the most fun in bed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The really crazy ones? | ||
| Yeah, it gets a little crazy. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| When you're young, too, sometimes those break-up, make-up fights are awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, when they come back, you didn't think they were coming back, and the next thing you know, you're making out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Oh, this is crazy. | ||
| That's, yeah. | ||
| And you hear the cops, like, what the fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you call the cops? | |
| I called them before I knew we were getting back together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| We're okay here, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We've got to escape. | |
| No, it's fine. | ||
| We're all right now. | ||
| We've just had an argument. | ||
| Cops are lazy. | ||
| Get on the roof. | ||
| I saw a house on fire yesterday. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, like up the street from me. | ||
| A whole, like a house. | ||
| A blaze? | ||
| The roof was a blaze. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And it was up in the hills, so they had to... | ||
| Oh, that's bad. | ||
| Yeah, to get the fire trucks up there. | ||
| But then they stopped it. | ||
| Like, it's still standing today, but the roof is all... | ||
| But I've never seen, like, a whole house on fire. | ||
| Dude, I saw an entire... | ||
| I have to outdo you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| That's why we do it. | ||
| That was the big accusation of Oprah. | ||
| She used to outdo people. | ||
| But when I was working doing Fear Factor in 2003, it was 2002 or 2003 when they had that giant fire. | ||
| There was a giant fire. | ||
| It was... | ||
| Like, on the way towards Bakersfield, up the 5, and we were filming up there at Tohono Ranch. | ||
| There was a lake, and we were dropping these people off from helicopters to the lake. | ||
| And normally, without traffic, it's about an hour-twenty drive, hour-half drive to L.A. from Tohono Ranch. | ||
| But this day, it was bumper-to-bumper. | ||
| And a guy died. | ||
| A guy ran out and got hit by a car. | ||
| And I saw his sneaker and I saw him laying on the side of the road briefly as I was passing while people were trying to attend to him. | ||
| And I didn't see his head splattered or anything like that, but I saw his leg. | ||
| And then my friend Matt told me that guy wound up dying. | ||
| And so that was the beginning of this eerie drive home. | ||
| Then as we got closer to L.A., it was literally snowing ashes. | ||
| And the entire right side of the highway was ablaze. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| I'm talking like a mile in. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| As far as the eye could see, it looked like the fucking Lord of the Rings. | ||
| It was like I was waiting for demon horses to come riding over the top. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It was insane. | ||
| There was tornadoes of fire. | ||
| I mean, there was fucking fire everywhere. | ||
| And you're in traffic at that point? | ||
| We're in traffic. | ||
| So you're just sitting there? | ||
| Barely removed from it by a patch of asphalt. | ||
| And I'm telling you, man, I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| That side of the road was like that for an hour. | ||
| For an hour of driving. | ||
| Like the whole right side was on fire. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| So when we were coming from the 101, we're coming up the 101 towards like Encino. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the entire right side, like over the crest of the hill, over near the 118, you know, Simi Valley area, ablaze. | ||
| Just ablaze. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I got evacuated from my house. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Threw the dog in the back of the truck. | ||
| Just grabbed a laptop and some stuff. | ||
| Frank Sinatra? | ||
| No, this was Johnny Cash. | ||
| Frank Sinatra was dead at the time. | ||
| It was crazy, man. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| Fires are intense here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People in my neighborhood, you could see them, like, stuff packed to their roof and shit, coming out in, like, rows of cars, people pulling out of garages and shit. | ||
| It was trippy, man. | ||
| That's the problem with some of those more remote areas. | ||
| It's like, you know, you're surrounded by beautiful trees, but after a couple dry summers, and then... | ||
| Some asshole with a cigarette. | ||
| Yeah, kablooey. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fire is fucking terrifying, man. | ||
| Because I talked to this fireman, and this scared the shit out of me. | ||
| Because there's been a few of these big rock'em sock'em fires that have hit the LA area. | ||
| Most of it's in the summer when the winds kick up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Santa Ana's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And one firefighter told me, he goes, dude, It's just a matter of time before one day a fire catches and it goes through the entire city and we can't do shit about it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And I go, really? | ||
| And he goes, yup. | ||
| He goes, it's just the right conditions, the right wind, the fire coming from the right amount of angles, the wind taking the embers in the air, lighting more houses on fire. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He goes, it's just a matter of time for one day, it goes right to the ocean. | ||
| I hate the, it's just a matter of time, guys. | ||
| Right? | ||
| The earthquake, just a matter of time before this whole place just falls off into the ocean. | ||
| Yeah, that's like glass half empty squared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just a matter of time before the big plague hits, takes us all out. | ||
| They do say that a lot, right? | ||
| Just a matter of time before there's no more food left. | ||
| I just got... | ||
| But where do you want to be? | ||
| Do you want to be somewhere... | ||
| You don't want to be a prepper, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| But you don't want to be the guy who dies of starvation because he can't figure out how to get by. | ||
| No, you want to be... | ||
| You want a couple... | ||
| You want to try your best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| Do you want to be Rick from The Walking Dead, who goes through several seasons of horrific events and is basically a shattered man by the time I abandon the show? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or do you want to be one of the people that gets killed early on? | ||
| So it's a wrap. | ||
| I'd probably go somewhere in between, get a little adventure, meet some new people, make some mistakes, you think you got it together, and then wacko. | ||
| But isn't The Walking Dead the ultimate existential crisis? | ||
| Because if you do die, you're going to come back as a zombie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, the only thing that can free you is, I guess, if you shoot yourself in the head. | ||
| Like, you would have to shoot yourself in the head, because if you shoot a zombie in the head, they'd just stop being a zombie anymore. | ||
| Somehow or another, there's a button, you know? | ||
| I feel like they're getting very wishy-washy with the zombie rules lately. | ||
| I don't watch it anymore. | ||
| Yeah, me neither. | ||
| I watched, like, a little bit of it. | ||
| The zombies definitely aren't consistent in their ability to fuck things up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They used to be able to tear apart horses, and now they can, like, you can just push them aside. | ||
| It's like, get out of here. | ||
| Yeah, and they're like these bony little things, and yet they're kind of strong. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| Yeah, and here's my question. | ||
| Why aren't they rotted all together by now? | ||
| Like, why aren't they just a bag of bones? | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| I guess because they're not real? | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Did you see what happened to Big Sur? | ||
| They're Big Sur, Ventana, whatever ranch, Canyon Ranch, whatever. | ||
| They're completely isolated. | ||
| They've had giant mudslides, and that part, you can't enter or exit the town. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| They closed off, like, the one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| They're completely isolated right now. | ||
| And they think they're going to be able to open up the road coming from the north by, like, September. | ||
| What? | ||
| And they don't know if the south is ever going to be repaired. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Go, go, go, go, go, go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta wait. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| But let me see what it looks like. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| What's the title? | ||
| You have the title obscured. | ||
| Oh, Landslide, Buries, California, Scenic Highway, and Big Sur. | ||
| If you don't know Big Sur, this is like the most beautiful part of the ride between LA and San Francisco. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Up the one. | ||
| Look at the fucking landslide! | ||
| Yeah, they think that the only way they're going to be able to do it is to just build on the landslide. | ||
| It's that much dirt. | ||
| More than a million tons of rock and dirt fell down. | ||
| Look at that! | ||
| It's insane! | ||
| The landsliding skin's a quarter of a mile! | ||
| It's just mountain now. | ||
| The road is covered in a layer of dirt 35 to 40 feet deep. | ||
| How many people are dead in there? | ||
| I don't think that many. | ||
| The highway runs through Big Sur, which is a major tourist attraction. | ||
| Authorities have closed all access to the highway and don't know when it will reopen. | ||
| How about get a fucking shovel? | ||
| All you need is a hundred Mexicans. | ||
| It'll be done by tomorrow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hey! | |
| Those people work hard. | ||
| Metal detectors. | ||
| All this bullshit about the wall. | ||
| I have these Mexicans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me show you, Mr. Trump, what we can do. | |
| Metal detector. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Oh, you go crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But look at that. | |
| Do they expect that people died there? | ||
| It's million dollar... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| The Henry Miller Museum and the Big Sur, Vantana, all these beautiful places where you would drive up and be able to stay overnight and eat on the coast. | ||
| Those places are isolated. | ||
| They weren't covered in the slide. | ||
| You just can't get to them. | ||
| Yeah, so what you got to do is you got to buy real estate there now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because a bunch of pussies would be panicking and selling cheap. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Scoop up a nice scenic view. | ||
| Imagine if that's your house. | ||
| You're just sitting up there chilling, and all of a sudden you slide all the way down into the ocean, and that's how you die. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| You just think, I finally made it. | ||
| I got this beautiful view. | ||
| Look at my deck. | ||
| Hey, Tom, come on over. | ||
| Bring bread. | ||
| Joe, you did it. | ||
| I can't believe you did it. | ||
| You did it, buddy. | ||
| We're having a jet. | ||
| It's still moving! | ||
| We haven't been able to go up there and assess. | ||
| It's still moving. | ||
| Hey Joe, is the yard supposed to be moving like that? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| We have geologists and engineers who are going to check it out this week and see how do we pick up the pieces of the highway. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Snakes around the California coastline is a major tourist destination. | ||
| Crews called the landslide one of a kind. | ||
| But it happened like a month ago, and then it's just like last Saturday, another chunk just went. | ||
| So it's like, it's still in motion. | ||
| Yeah, man, that's what keeps me, things like that are what keeps me from living on the ocean. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I rented a house in Malibu, and one time I got super baked, and I went down to the bottom floor. | ||
| I was only in this house for like three months, but it was like, the bottom floor bedroom was like the water would literally go under it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And at nighttime, it's fucking horrifying. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| In the daytime, it's gorgeous. | ||
| You're looking out, and you see that blue water, and it's so inviting. | ||
| But at nighttime, that water is dark, and the sky is black, and you're like, oh my god. | ||
| It shows you what it really is. | ||
| I'm in the ocean. | ||
| You're essentially at the whim of this ever-changing sea. | ||
| You are riding on a gamble. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that gamble is, what are the odds that it's going to shift now? | ||
| You know it's going to shift eventually. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| This house is probably worth millions of dollars, and it's just sitting on this water. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| You don't even have a front yard. | ||
| Your backyard is the ocean. | ||
| My cousin has a place down towards San Diego, and all these beautiful multi-million dollar homes on this cliff, and they just keep shoring up the cliff. | ||
| They just keep putting in new planks, got concrete rivet, and they're just hanging on. | ||
| It's like someone, some day, is in this house when it goes down. | ||
| People are crazy. | ||
| But man, when you're sitting there at the sunset and it's just you and the ocean, it is pretty spectacular. | ||
| It might be worth sliding in eventually. | ||
| Yeah, I think what you have to have is super baller money. | ||
| So you have that house on the coast and then you have a house somewhere else. | ||
| Or you don't have a family and you're just a dude with a surfboard. | ||
| You're like, this is the perfect spot. | ||
| If I lose everything, so what? | ||
| I'll rent a house somewhere. | ||
| Yeah, I've done it already. | ||
| Yeah, you could do that. | ||
| Yeah, that would be a good move. | ||
| But you don't want to want your kids to get sucked away by the tide. | ||
| How do you? | ||
| You're enjoying that pipe. | ||
| I do. | ||
| It's good, right? | ||
| It's a little buzz. | ||
| I wish I had a cigar, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| You know what? | ||
| I was actually thinking about bringing cigars today, but I couldn't remember if you said we could smoke in here. | ||
| Yeah, we can. | ||
| Well, in the new studio, the new studio is like a mythical place that we keep talking about. | ||
| Once it actually exists, people go like, oh, he wasn't bullshitting. | ||
| Yeah, you have been talking about it for a while. | ||
| The new studio, we're actually having ventilation systems put in the ceiling so that it can hit a button and it'll suck the smoke out of the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| So if Dice Clay is here, Dice likes to smoke. | ||
| I like the smoke! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Hey! | ||
| I just got pipe and tobacco everywhere. | ||
| But he'll smoke it. | ||
| That's why Dice doesn't smoke a pipe. | ||
| It won't make me nauseous. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then... | ||
| And you won't go home smelling... | ||
| People won't get secondhand weed smoke, too, so it won't put you under. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do people complain about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| I would never smoke in front of someone that has an issue. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like an AA issue? | ||
| I've had people that have come on that have specifically requested me not get high in front of them. | ||
| They didn't know me. | ||
| They're like, yeah, that are in the program. | ||
| They're like, please don't have them do drugs in front of me. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| They get a little squirrely. | ||
| Next time I'll bring... | ||
| I have a big box of Cuban cigars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| They're so nice. | ||
| Ooh, strong. | ||
| They are strong. | ||
| They're big, too. | ||
| What kind? | ||
| Cohibas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| So nice. | ||
| The head rush after that is like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You might as well go to bed. | ||
| I used to like those Hoyo de Monterey Double Coronas. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Those big, fat post-steak cigars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They have a big steak and... | ||
| Mashed potatoes with sour cream and chives. | ||
| After Musso and Franks. | ||
| You ever go to the cigar place next to the improv? | ||
| No, I have not. | ||
| I know that spot. | ||
| It's a good spot. | ||
| I've never been in there. | ||
| If you're ever doing two shows there, screwing around, it's a nice little hang. | ||
| You want to get away from the club for a minute. | ||
| Just go sitting there and the guy who runs it's great. | ||
| It's a good spot. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really like the improv, man. | ||
| The improv is a different vibe now. | ||
| I've been going there a lot lately. | ||
| Have you? | ||
| Yeah, it's a different vibe. | ||
| It feels good. | ||
| Everything feels good now, man. | ||
| Comedy feels great. | ||
| This is a good time, man. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| Last night was beautiful. | ||
| What'd you do last night? | ||
| Well, one of the things I did that was really interesting, I did a podcast with my friend Owen Smith. | ||
| Do you know Owen? | ||
| Love Owen. | ||
| He's hilarious. | ||
| He really makes me laugh. | ||
| Funny, dude. | ||
| He's such a good guy. | ||
| Subtle, solid guy. | ||
| Good guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, Owen has a new show that he's coming out with called Something Notebooks with Owen Smith. | ||
| And what it is is you find your oldest comedy notebooks and you bring it out and go over your material. | ||
| And I found some notebooks from 1990. That's great. | ||
| I had a list, a set list from 93. A new material list from 1993, March of 93. Wow. | ||
| I was like, whoa, this is crazy. | ||
| It was terrible. | ||
| It was like needles through my soul reading off my lines. | ||
| It's so hard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Terrible bullshit jokes that I had when I was 21. Your ideas. | |
| This is really saying something, man. | ||
| I had orchestrated crowd work. | ||
| I had written in crowd work. | ||
| Oh, it was so terrible. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| I showed it to the camera. | ||
| It's okay, you're learning. | ||
| I have a tape, I have a cassette tape, a video tape, VHS tape of me doing stand-up at Stand Up New York, like in my first year. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Like 93, and I am 30 pounds heavier, tight jeans, I think I'm wearing a vest, curly hair, and I would lunge when I would tell the jokes. | ||
| Like this Elvis kind of lunge. | ||
| Come on, baby. | ||
| And I was so scared to hear if they were going to laugh or not that I would just go a thousand miles an hour just yelling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought it was Kinnison. | |
| It's like Kinison without the jokes. | ||
| Scared that they're gonna catch you if you pause for a second. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't even give them a split second. | ||
| I just went. | ||
| You know that one thing that some comedians will do, especially in the early days, where they say a bunch of things in a row, and they memorize it, and the audience will clap at the end of their big memorization? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so true. | |
| It's the closest you get to a guitar riff. | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| Well, that, in my opinion, is where Dice had everybody beat in the 1980s. | ||
| Because people would go to see him and they would repeat his lines. | ||
| They wanted to hear, what's in the bowl, bitch? | ||
| You'd have the whole audience do it, just like a fucking rock concert. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| That's a one-of-a-kind experience. | ||
| Yeah, can't replicate it. | ||
| I mean, Dice had something that was different, because they were going to see stuff they already knew. | ||
| Yeah, that is so wild. | ||
| Like, he would go, Hickory Dickory Duck! | ||
| And everybody would go fucking crazy! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jaws! | |
| I still weird out when I hang out with Dice. | ||
| Still, to this day. | ||
| Because he was a rock star. | ||
| Well, when I'm in the room with him, I weird out. | ||
| I can't even believe that's Dice Clay. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| No, he was so big. | ||
| And my girlfriend, we were 19. We're sitting in my car. | ||
| I was dating this hot Nicaraguan girl. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| She had a great sense of humor. | ||
| She's hilarious. | ||
| But we're sitting in my car, listening to this fucking Dice Clay tape. | ||
| Just howling, laughing. | ||
| It was so stupid. | ||
| Because when you're 19, that is like the perfect kind of comedy for you. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Sad on a toughet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Little boy blue. | ||
| He needed the money! | ||
| Did you ever see him do a long set back then? | ||
| I only saw short sets. | ||
| I went to see him live. | ||
| I saw him a couple of times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I saw him... | ||
| Would he do that the whole way? | ||
| I saw him in a store a lot in the 90s. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When he was just sort of fucking around. | ||
| But when he would come to the store, it wasn't like a set, like a concert set. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It was like he was working on new material, he was fucking around, just working out. | ||
| When he would do long sets, I mean, everyone was waiting for the nursery rhyme stuff. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He still does nursery rhyme stuff. | ||
| I saw him, me and Jim Norton, and Anthony Cumia, and who the fuck else was it? | ||
| I think Bobby Kelly and Red Band. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nice. | |
| We went to see him in Vegas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| At the Riviera. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Which is just- Recently? | ||
| No. | ||
| Obviously, the Riviera's dead now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That's right. | ||
| I think it was probably five years ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Maybe a little more, but God damn, we had a great time. | ||
| I saw the whole set- I saw his whole set from beginning to end. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| He was a monster. | ||
| Dude, he was a killer. | ||
| You see him in the Woody Allen movie? | ||
| I'm sure you did. | ||
| Yeah, he's really good. | ||
| He's a good actor. | ||
| Yeah, really good. | ||
| That Woody Allen movie weirds me out, though. | ||
| All his movies all weird me out now. | ||
| Because of... | ||
| Because he's so crazy. | ||
| Because of the guy? | ||
| Because of who he is? | ||
| Because of who he is, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he's still a brilliant director, a great screenwriter, but it's just like, there's certain things you expect. | ||
| You know, oh, he got hooked on pills. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| Ah, he's a boozer. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, it turns out he was gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Ah, he's fucking his daughter. | ||
| Happened. | ||
| What? | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| How old was she when he met her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She was two? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| That's that great joke by Emo Phillips. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Woody Allen adopted Suni when she was four years old. | ||
| Started dating her when she was 15. Patience of a saint. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Is that what he did? | ||
| He started dating her when she was 15? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that real? | |
| Something like that. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| But, you know, you find out anything about an artist, you're gonna not like them. | ||
| Right, but here's the question. | ||
| Again, is it me? | ||
| Is it me? | ||
| Is it the same thing about my friend jerking off his dog with his foot? | ||
| Is it just on me? | ||
| I mean, what if... | ||
| I mean, it sounds gross, but what if, after all those years, they really were in love with each other? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| It seems like it now, right? | ||
| I mean, he's an old man and they're still in love and hanging out. | ||
| Is that unacceptable? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's unacceptable if people get hurt, if no one got hurt. | ||
| I mean, you can't do it. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of things. | ||
| Yeah, those are the pictures before and after. | ||
| Yeah, but I heard some of these are, I heard there was some weirdness in some of these. | ||
| Well, there's weirdness here. | ||
| This is a little girl and he's with her and then he wound up marrying her. | ||
| That's weird, man. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| Well, he didn't make her. | ||
| Well, look, he's not arrested, and he's not in jail, so it's not illegal. | ||
| Right, and wasn't there a case? | ||
| I mean, didn't they investigate and find him innocent of all this? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| That's the problem with these accusations, too. | ||
| The accusations of that stuff are so huge. | ||
| Even if you're found innocent, that doesn't compare to the charge. | ||
| Was he found innocent? | ||
| Like, did they go to court? | ||
| I don't know if he was criminally tried. | ||
| I don't think he did anything criminal. | ||
| So there was no evidence to even... | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think there was a time where Mia Farrow was saying that he had done something to one of their other daughters. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then Woody was saying that that daughter was coached by Mia and that Mia's crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that she's furious that he wound up with Soon-Yi. | ||
| It's all crazy. | ||
| It's all crazy. | ||
| But I'll tell you... | ||
| I can shove it aside and watch Crimes and Misdemeanors over and over and over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one of the greatest films of all time. | ||
| What was the one where it was the space movie? | ||
| Sleeper. | ||
| Sleeper, yeah. | ||
| That was a freaky movie. | ||
| I mean, so good. | ||
| Just what he's doing now. | ||
| I mean, he's made two movies a year for how many years? | ||
| Does he make two a year? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does he? | ||
| Yeah, the spring project, the fall project. | ||
| You know what's really interesting? | ||
| Vicky Barcelona. | ||
| Midnight in Paris. | ||
| Midnight in Paris is amazing! | ||
| Well, it was really weird watching Owen Benjamin... | ||
| Not Owen Benjamin. | ||
| Owen Wilson. | ||
| Owen Wilson. | ||
| Basically doing Woody. | ||
| Play him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he really was doing a version of Woody Allen. | ||
| And it totally worked. | ||
| It totally worked. | ||
| Totally worked. | ||
| I mean, Owen did a great job. | ||
| Oh, that movie was so good. | ||
| He was really, like, he was channeling, like, a Woody Allen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, even the way he read the lines. | ||
| Yeah, that same vibe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just that it exists is amazing. | |
| And tolerating ridiculous shit, you know? | ||
| Like, they were both tolerating ridiculous shit from each other. | ||
| Everyone's having affairs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just that Paris exists, isn't that enough? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Beautiful film. | ||
| I mean, he makes amazing work. | ||
| Well, he's a weirdo. | ||
| Weirdos have weird thoughts. | ||
| That's the thing. | ||
| It makes him more creative. | ||
| I mean, whatever reason. | ||
| I know. | ||
| And I just don't have the connection that, like, Ronan Farrow obviously has to it. | ||
| He can't watch those movies. | ||
| But Tom Papa sitting in his place watching the movie, I'm not connected enough for it to bump me out of watching the art. | ||
| All artists are freaky if you'd get down underneath it. | ||
| I'm sure there's a lot of people that we adore who did some pretty heinous shit. | ||
| Yeah, when someone like David Carradine dies wearing a wetsuit with a dildo up his ass hanging in a hotel, you know? | ||
| Didn't he die from like autoerotic asphyxiation? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The guy from NXS, same thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's like a lot of people die doing like really freaky shit. | ||
| Doing some weird stuff. | ||
| People are weird. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Don't dig too deep. | ||
| It's better just to know people on the surface. | ||
| Or just let it go. | ||
| Accept. | ||
| I'm almost always willing to do that. | ||
| Almost always willing to do that. | ||
| But the Woody Allen one makes it go... | ||
| The Bill Cosby one does not make me want to do that. | ||
| That one is just like, I've got to write you off. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Drug and rape 50 women? | ||
| Yeah, that one definitely. | ||
| That's a lifetime write-off. | ||
| If he had made Crimes and Misdemeanors, maybe I would be okay with it. | ||
| What about Fat Albert? | ||
| What about Roman Polanski? | ||
| Can you still watch Fat Albert? | ||
| Hey, hey, hey! | ||
| Is Fat Albert difficult to find? | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| Because it seems like Fat Albert kind of reinforces certain racial stereotypes that he might probably disagree with as he became older. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| There was a little moral stuff there and everybody getting along. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you remember that was always the rumor that he had bought out the Little Rascals and then he had kept it from being aired because it was racist? | ||
| Yeah, because of the buckwheat stuff and all that racist stuff in it. | ||
| Was that true? | ||
| I think that was Snopes and I think they found it wasn't true. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Yeah, that he bought the rights to it and wouldn't let it be shown. | ||
| Yeah, find out if that's true. | ||
| There was a lot of racist stuff back then. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| We were talking at the comedy store last night about how people in the old days used to smack people. | ||
| Like how often you'd see a movie where Humphrey Bogart would smack some woman in the face. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then wound up making out with her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's just how it went. | ||
| They would smack each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Women would smack men. | ||
| Men would smack women. | ||
| Smack! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smack! | |
| I love watching It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| You've never seen that? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Oh, come on. | ||
| It's one of the greatest comedy films of all time. | ||
| Who's in it? | ||
| Buddy Hackett, Jonathan Winters, Jack Benny, Mickey Rooney, Henny Youngman. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I mean, Milton Berle. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I mean, it's endless. | ||
| Spencer Tracy, all put in this crazy film about trying to race across from the desert to Santa Monica. | ||
| And Phil Silvers, all these, I mean, great, it was like the comedy film of its time. | ||
| And it still holds up. | ||
| It's still great to watch. | ||
| You would love it. | ||
| You have to watch it. | ||
| The thing I love is everybody screams. | ||
| Everybody is just yelling at each other. | ||
| You moron! | ||
| You idiot! | ||
| You got me into this one! | ||
| Who the hell are you?! | ||
| It's so cathartic in a time where everyone has to be so reserved and say the right thing. | ||
| Everyone's just like, you're a moron! | ||
| Just slapping each other in the face. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| People were just harsher to each other back then. | ||
| Oh, it was great. | ||
| It was a different world, right? | ||
| A totally different world. | ||
| Not that long ago, either. | ||
| Little Rascals and Bill Cosby. | ||
| Did Bill Cosby. | ||
| Status, false. | ||
| It says, origin, spanky alfalfa, buckwheat, Darla. | ||
| Just a few of the easily recognizable names were a fond part of the childhoods of generations of kids, beloved characters, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| It's just a rumor that started around 1989. So where can you get Little Rascals now? | ||
| You could probably just buy it online. | ||
| I don't know if it's officially on Hulu or anything. | ||
| I didn't look for that, but it says it's been licensed in the syndication since 1997. Bill Cosby has never owned any part of the rights to Little Rascals. | ||
| Oh, so it's bullshit. | ||
| There's another one that popped up. | ||
| It said he tried to block Amos and Andy from being on TV, too, or something. | ||
| Yeah, and CBS withdrew it from syndication. | ||
| No Amos and Andy. | ||
| Ted Turner had bought up the rights of the TV show The Dukes of Hazard to keep it off television because of his demeaning portrayal of Southerners. | ||
| The series is- well, this is old. | ||
| It says it's currently syndicated on TNN. It's not anymore. | ||
| Neither rumors, but that's not true either. | ||
| They don't air it anywhere anymore, right? | ||
| Isn't that the deal? | ||
| Like, they didn't, like, digitally remove the Confederate flag. | ||
| No. | ||
| There was a, um, something today about the Confederate flag. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| What was in the news today about the Confederate flag? | ||
| Well, the mayor of New Orleans has given one of the best speeches, I think, of our lifetime. | ||
| That guy did. | ||
| The mayor. | ||
| Someone else did something terrible today. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Civil War Museum closes after spat with Confederate flag. | ||
| That's not it. | ||
| This speech... | ||
| There's something about someone refusing to take down the Confederate flag. | ||
| Confederate flag comes down, accusations fly. | ||
| There's something... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I don't think that's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eh. | |
| You'll just be searching. | ||
| You'll be searching. | ||
| But it was another politician who was refusing to take down the Confederate flag. | ||
| And you know, Mississippi has it as a part of their state flag. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The Mississippi state flag is like a Confederate flag in the corner of it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| The mayor of New Orleans, I forget his name, gave this eloquent 20 minute speech About the removal of four statues in New Orleans, Robert E. Lee, Civil War era things. | ||
| So eloquent. | ||
| The points he makes, it's really about togetherness, moving ahead. | ||
| We have to realize that this was a part, this was a wound to our country. | ||
| And it never healed right. | ||
| And this is part of making it heal right and taking down these statues. | ||
| Try and explain to a five-year-old girl who lives in this city of what that means. | ||
| But it was put up right after the Civil War to let people know that this is the way things... | ||
| It was a white supremacist... | ||
| There's supremacist movement that put those up there. | ||
| You explain that to a five-year-old girl. | ||
| How are we going to move forward in the culture if we don't get these removed? | ||
| This isn't about hate. | ||
| This isn't about revenge. | ||
| This is about moving forward. | ||
| He, 20 minutes, in a time like we're talking about a rush of just news and constant noise and chatter and tweets, this guy takes 20 minutes. | ||
| Eloquently, calmly makes the case in a way that my paraphrasing doesn't do it any justice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's bulletproof. | |
| It's a bulletproof case. | ||
| Bulletproof. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I think the problem with the Confederate flag and even some of the figures in the Civil War, they get... | ||
| Connected in a lot of people's mind to Southern Pride. | ||
| You know, like where they're from, like Southern Pride, Leonard Skinner, you know, that kind of shit. | ||
| I mean, like, Leonard Skinner always had that fucking Confederate flag in their shirts, man. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I mean, it wasn't just... | ||
| A racist symbol of white supremacy, but it is a racist symbol of white supremacy. | ||
| It's both, unfortunately. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta, right, and you gotta kind of give that up and have pride. | ||
| You can still have pride in the South. | ||
| You can still be a kickass Southerner who loves the South for all the good reasons. | ||
| You know what they need to do? | ||
| They need to come up with a new flag. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with the South having a flag. | ||
| As long as the South recognizes it's part of America, that's just something that replaces the Confederate flag but includes everybody. | ||
| Something that's not connected to a movement to try to keep slavery. | ||
| There was one comment he made too. | ||
| This was a flawed movement. | ||
| This wasn't fighting for America. | ||
| This was fighting to tear apart America. | ||
| And we need new symbols. | ||
| A perfect example is the flag of Texas with the star. | ||
| Yeah, badass. | ||
| That's like Texas might as well be its own country, right? | ||
| And that flag, that means something. | ||
| It's not about right supremacy. | ||
| It's about Texas is a badass place. | ||
| That's a badass flag. | ||
| You have to have a mentality to live here, and it's inclusive mentality. | ||
| If you're a Texan, you're a Texan. | ||
| It doesn't matter if you're black or white. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I know, they really... | ||
| You gotta let that go. | ||
| Man, the coming... | ||
| And you know what made me think that the... | ||
| I was always kind of back and forth on the Redskins and the Indians. | ||
| And, uh, no. | ||
| Pride is the thing. | ||
| It's just like, what, because you and your grandfather used to tailgate? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've been supporting the Warriors for 72 years! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I was hearing through their first football. | ||
| We used to go watch those games together. | ||
| Me and my grandfather. | ||
| Redskins pride. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're telling me we can't be the Redskins anymore if we have a few liberal pussies? | |
| My friend made a great point. | ||
| He said... | ||
| It's a business, man. | ||
| You would just say, if you own the Redskins, alright, we're changing it. | ||
| All that old merch, people are going to be paying through the ass to get. | ||
| Then you have this new logo. | ||
| Everyone's going to be buying the new stuff. | ||
| It's going to be a windfall just from the merch. | ||
| If you're not thinking about the social issues, think of it as just a dollar issue and go for it. | ||
| People don't want to give up ground. | ||
| It doesn't make sense. | ||
| Because they're worried that crazy liberals are going to come in and nerf everything. | ||
| It's not liberal, it's just being nice, right? | ||
| Oh, I know in this case it is, but it's one of the things that people worry about. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They worry about giving up ground. | ||
| Because people are so ridiculous today. | ||
| They give up a little ground, they'll go fucking crazy. | ||
| No more Taco Tuesdays, cultural appropriation, and you can't serve sushi if you're white. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| People just start getting really wacky when it comes to giving up ground. | ||
| Doesn't it feel like it's running out of steam a little bit? | ||
| It feels like it's becoming more and more preposterous. | ||
| Like, being a social justice warrior is a really ridiculous thing at this point. | ||
| It really feels like it's become so absurd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's not... | ||
| And from that, I think there's a correction that's been made. | ||
| I think there are people, like, taking more things into consideration about other people. | ||
| And, oh, we didn't really think about... | ||
| Oh, yeah, for sure. | ||
| ...those families or that group or whatever. | ||
| But... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good has been done. | ||
| Yeah, good's been done. | ||
| Maybe that's how it always is. | ||
| The tide goes out, the tide goes in. | ||
| You can't explain it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, right. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Bill O'Reilly? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| No. | ||
| You don't remember that? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That was one of the worst arguments he ever had on his show. | ||
| He was talking about how he's putting his chips on Jesus because you can't explain why the tie goes in, the tie goes out. | ||
| He was talking to some guy who's an atheist. | ||
| Who was he talking to? | ||
| Dawkins? | ||
| No. | ||
| It wasn't Dawkins. | ||
| David Silverman. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| He was so dumb. | ||
| It's such a dumb argument. | ||
| You can't explain it, but you can't explain it? | ||
| Of course you can. | ||
| I hear you hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so stupid. | |
| Do you think that's a scam? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| I'll tell you why. | ||
| I'll tell you why it's not a scam, in my opinion. | ||
| Tide goes in, tide goes out. | ||
| Never a miscommunication. | ||
| You can't explain that. | ||
| You can explain why the tide goes in. | ||
| Tide goes in, tide goes out. | ||
| See, the water, the tide comes in and it goes out, Mr. Silverman. | ||
| Maybe it's four on top of Mount Olympus who's making the tides go in and out. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Fucking idiot. | ||
| The look in his eye is like, yeah, I can explain that. | ||
| Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| There's a moon. | ||
| There's gravity. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Causes the wave. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| You can time the tide, you fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They know exactly when it's coming. | ||
| It's such a bummer. | ||
| Being smart sometimes is a bummer. | ||
| It takes away all your- He's not dumb. | ||
| I think he's deceptive. | ||
| I think Bill O'Reilly's just crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| It's amazing that he got kicked out of Fox. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| They're kicking everybody out. | ||
| Hannity seems to be holding on. | ||
| Maybe he's like one of the only ones that didn't participate in the orgies. | ||
| Yeah, they don't have enough dirt on him. | ||
| Sounds like a crazy fuck party over there. | ||
| All they're doing is like trying to get laid. | ||
| Bill O'Reilly's beating off on the phone. | ||
| I read some article about him. | ||
| He'd call women up and he'd be beating off and he's talking to them like, whoa. | ||
| Remember when the transcript came out? | ||
| He was like, I want to be the loofah on your body. | ||
| Yeah, you're so fucked up. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| In the workplace. | ||
| Jesus, boy. | ||
| So disgusting. | ||
| But odd, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I know. | ||
| That whole place was running... | ||
| It was like the Cosby thing. | ||
| It's like once the one came out, it was just rapid fire. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Well, when you have a guy who's got that kind of power and is that, you know, it's just so weird. | ||
| Yeah, they get bored. | ||
| Again, the weird sexuality thing, right? | ||
| It's like, it manifests itself in this guy in this way. | ||
| And it's abusing these women. | ||
| Those fucking shows, too. | ||
| Like, all these shows, like, when we really think back, like, we look back at 2017 from the future, and we look at the state of the media today, and how, like, one side, whether it's Fox News or whether it's CNN, We'll be so heavily leaned in one direction or the other, so obviously editorializing what's going on in the news and their opinions of the news. | ||
| Well, it's all just entertainment at this point. | ||
| It's so gross. | ||
| I mean, you know, when that horrible thing happened in Manchester at the concert, it's like, okay, that act is heinous, and what happened that night to those people is heinous, but then who does all of the other work of scaring the daylights out of the rest of the world? | ||
| CNN. Running it nonstop for 48 hours. | ||
| This grainy footage of young girls screaming and crying. | ||
| So much more powerful than what that schmuck did blowing up those people in that place. | ||
| They're just as negative a force. | ||
| For the public than the terrorists. | ||
| But they don't care. | ||
| They're just trying to get attention. | ||
| If it bleeds, it leads. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| This is a big story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Horrible. | |
| But what is their responsibility? | ||
| Isn't their responsibility to report on the news? | ||
| Because that's a news story. | ||
| That's a giant, crazy, tragic event. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And they would be remiss if they didn't report on it. | ||
| You can report on it, but you don't have to have me walking with my daughter through an airport and having it blaring out of every television set, the girls screaming. | ||
| You could have grown-ups sitting there and analyzing it without sensationalizing it, but it's entertainment. | ||
| It's this big balls-out entertainment network. | ||
| It's heinous. | ||
| I think that's a real good argument, that when people are watching it involuntarily, like at the airports- Can't escape it! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I cannot escape it! | ||
| I was trying, I was working on this book, I was at the end of this book, I had a deadline, I'm just head down, not trying to follow anything, but I was traveling at the same time, wolf blitzers popping out in bars, in restaurants, at the gate, Wetzel's pretzels, more breaking news, Trump did this now! | ||
| That, you can't escape it. | ||
| So much pressure. | ||
| There's no responsibility about these, like, you know, be an old man, be an old, what happened to like the news reporters being like a shitty guy? | ||
| They just deliver the news as the grandfather. | ||
| They're running ads now on CNN of them like Wolf Blitzer and another couple of them walking through the hall. | ||
| It's like those ESPN ads, remember? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| And ESPN would be walking through the offices of ESPN making jokes with a mascot. | ||
| That's what Wolf Blitzer and Kamau Bell and all these people are doing on CNN. What are they doing? | ||
| They're walking? | ||
| They're walking through and they're like, hey, look, there's Anderson Cooper. | ||
| What's he doing in the office? | ||
| And it's a comedy bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| These are the people that are supposed to be delivering the hard news to help you rationalize and make sense of the world. | ||
| Hey, look at him. | ||
| He's in there. | ||
| What's Anderson doing in there? | ||
| And a punchline. | ||
| Well, you know what really disturbs me when they do that podcast thing where Anderson Cooper does that 360 where he's sitting at the desk and he'll have four people to his right, four people to his left. | ||
| Twenty people! | ||
| There's nine people the last time I saw it. | ||
| Nine people. | ||
| Yeah, yelling at each other. | ||
| Him and eight people and everyone's talking over each other. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And some people never get a word in edgewise and people are just jumping in and just... | ||
| It's the worst. | ||
| It's all entertainment. | ||
| Yeah, but it's all so editorialized, too. | ||
| It's like, how can a person just relay to you the information as unbiased as they possibly can? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Is that possible today? | ||
| Is anybody doing it? | ||
| PBS is as close as I can find it. | ||
| Yes, it's kind of just factual. | ||
| They just put it out. | ||
| Whenever they have Shields and Brooks on, it's a... | ||
| It's not Brooks and Dunn? | ||
| No, not Shields and Urnell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shields and Brooks. | |
| And they're just two guys who would never be on any other network because they're funny looking. | ||
| And they have the conservative view and the liberal view. | ||
| But it's very matter-of-fact and factual and not sensational, not shitty to each other. | ||
| That's his... | ||
| Evenly balanced, calm as I can find is PBS NewsHour. | ||
| Who was Sean Hannity arguing with when he was telling Sean Hannity that he's bad for America? | ||
| Was it Ted Koppel? | ||
| Ted Koppel. | ||
| It was Ted Koppel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Told him he was bad for America. | ||
| And, you know, and Sean Hannity was saying something along the lines of, don't you think America's smart enough to make up their own mind, which is just so ridiculous. | ||
| Well, so candy ass of him is that he backs out of it and says, well, I'm not a journalist. | ||
| I'm a talk show host. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me hear this. | |
| You think we're bad for America? | ||
| You think I'm bad for America? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You do. | ||
| In the long haul, I think you and all these opinion shows... | ||
| Really? | ||
| That's sad, Ted. | ||
| No, you know why? | ||
| That's sad. | ||
| Because you're very good at what you do and because you have attracted a significantly more influential... | ||
| You are selling the American people short. | ||
| Let me finish the sentence before you do that. | ||
| With all due respect. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You have attracted... | ||
| People who are determined that ideology is more important than facts. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| That's what you need. | ||
| Those old dudes should be running the whole show. | ||
| Ooh, he tells Bill O'Reilly he ruined journalism too? | ||
| Ted Koppel's on a goddamn rampage. | ||
| And he's so measured. | ||
| Put away the loofah sponge, bitch. | ||
| I got something to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've interviewed him a number of times. | |
| Not an easy interview. | ||
| How would you do it? | ||
| You know, Bill, you and I have talked about this general subject many times over the years. | ||
| It's irrelevant how I would do it. | ||
| And you know who made it irrelevant? | ||
| You did. | ||
| You have changed the television landscape over the past 20 years. | ||
| You took it from being objective and dull to being subjective and entertaining. | ||
| And in this current climate, it doesn't matter what the interviewer asks him. | ||
| Mr. Trump is going to say whatever he wants to say, as outrageous as it may be. | ||
| Okay, but you know, your old network ABC does interview Mr. Trump on a regular basis, and our job, whether I'm a commentator or a reporter, is to get as much information, number one, and two, show the viewer who the person really is. | ||
| So again, I'll go back to, he's sitting on Nightline, you're opposed, right opposite him, how do you do it? | ||
| Well, the first way you do it is not in the interview. | ||
| You do it by some reporting. | ||
| It's an old-fashioned concept that I think demonstrating who and what Mr. Trump is and what his various policies really amount to is something you don't do in an interview. | ||
| He doesn't answer the questions. | ||
| As you pointed out, it's a whole different ballgame on cable TV. Commentators like me have just ruined the country. | ||
| I've copped to that. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| You have. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I've ruined everything. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's entertainment. | ||
| Like, just give us the news. | ||
| But, you know, there's so much money in it. | ||
| But, I mean, why do they have to? | ||
| Here's the question. | ||
| Why can't they just put on an entertaining show that makes money? | ||
| Like, whose responsibility is it to relay the news to the people? | ||
| Is it Fox News' responsibility? | ||
| I mean, don't they have some sort of an out that they're an entertainment program? | ||
| Yeah, but they're not. | ||
| But are they? | ||
| What are they? | ||
| They're a news channel. | ||
| It's Fox News. | ||
| It's called Fox News. | ||
| I understand. | ||
| But let's say you decide to call a show the Tom Papa News, and you start talking about the news. | ||
| Do you have a very specific need to... | ||
| We know you as an entertainer, and Bill O'Reilly was always an entertainer. | ||
| He was an entertainment news reporter on Hard Copy before he was ever on this. | ||
| So we know he's that guy. | ||
| Who has a responsibility to tell the news in an objective sense? | ||
| If you can editorialize, you can write things out, and you can decide which stories should get the most coverage. | ||
| During the campaign, CNN was all about the sexual harassment cases against Trump, and then Fox News was all about Hillary and her email scandal. | ||
| They just decided, who's to say what you can and can't do when it comes to that? | ||
| We don't really have a hard, fast rule when it comes to television journalism. | ||
| I mean, we think New York Times, we think, you know, in certain newspapers that have a great, you know, we have respect for them. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They have a certain amount of... | ||
| Fact-checking. | ||
| Yeah, and reliability, or responsibility, rather. | ||
| You can reliably assess that this is going to be the news. | ||
| Right. | ||
| To a certain extent. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's, you know, once you start a 24-hour news conference, Station. | ||
| It's a beast that's got to be fed. | ||
| And how do you keep those people attracted? | ||
| But is it even really a 24-hour news station? | ||
| I mean, think about what CNN is. | ||
| They have W. Kamau Bell's show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They have Anthony Bourdain's show. | ||
| They used to have that Tim Ferriss show. | ||
| They've got a bunch of shows. | ||
| They have the Morgan Sparlock show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Nothing to do with news. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, other than, you know, you haven't seen the show before. | ||
| Hey, this is new. | ||
| Look, they might be talking about some information you might not have ever heard before. | ||
| But it's not like a breaking news show. | ||
| Yeah, but I think that... | ||
| I mean, what does CNN stand for? | ||
| Cable News Network. | ||
| Yeah, and Fox News. | ||
| I think once you know that people are looking to you as the news, there should be some responsibility. | ||
| I think that there's somebody... | ||
| Some grown-up has to be in control of that. | ||
| But these are stocks. | ||
| These are parts of giant corporations with stock prices, and the people running it are going to meetings and get raked over the coals when their ratings are down. | ||
| And what are you going to do about it, Jeff Zucker? | ||
| Maybe it's going to be like when WWF, how to change their name to WWE? | ||
| So there'll be C-N-E. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, look, if you put an old man news station on, right? | ||
| And we'd be like, okay, finally, this is like measured and good and all sides. | ||
| And this is America first before party. | ||
| Probably deep dog shit ratings. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| This doesn't have all the other people going crazy on it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's just, you just hope that they'll kind of muddle through it and end up, they just want grown-ups in charge. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What's the dude, the CNN, the dude, the GQ guy that's in his basement again? | ||
| It's the resistance, Keith Olbermann. | ||
| Somebody's got to put that dude on TV again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Comedy Central. | ||
| Just let him write his own shit. | ||
| I saw like a clip of him. | ||
| It really looks like he's... | ||
| He's on a cable news network somewhere. | ||
| He doesn't have a makeup person anymore. | ||
| He's just at a fake desk. | ||
| It's just him and these incredibly verbose speeches. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Insulting Trump over and over again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Saying it's a coup and we've sold out to the Russians and this is an invasion. | ||
| Make no mistake about it. | ||
| We are the resistance. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| He's super intense. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| But it's got that weird cable access feel to it. | ||
| It really does. | ||
| He used to be like with all these people around, now he's down to printing his own pages. | ||
| Collating his own scripts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Somebody tweeted about it the other day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| About what a fucking nut he is. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| And I didn't, you know, I hadn't been paying attention lately. | ||
| He's hard to find. | ||
| Well, he's not. | ||
| I mean, he's out there on that GQ page. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know what they're doing. | ||
| You heard a text coming in? | ||
| Yeah, my dog is in the emergency room. | ||
| What did they say? | ||
| Is it a snake bite? | ||
| Bella can come home between 4.30 and 6. Oh, that's good. | ||
| She knows that we're on the air, so she doesn't want to disturb, but I want to find out what it was. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I hope it wasn't a snake bite. | ||
| Snake venom is expensive. | ||
| It's the snake antidote. | ||
| Very expensive. | ||
| So if you're on the trail, like I was, and the snake bit you in the leg. | ||
| Ooh, I don't know. | ||
| Big bite in your thigh. | ||
| We should find that out. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Because that could happen to us. | ||
| That's one of the things we really should know. | ||
| Dude, I ran over a snake once. | ||
| I was running with my dogs. | ||
| You like killing snakes. | ||
| No, this one I didn't run over like Hit. | ||
| This one I just saw in the road. | ||
| I was running and I jumped over this stick and as I was jumping over the stick I realized it was a rattlesnake. | ||
| Really? | ||
| A big one. | ||
| Stretched out. | ||
| Flattened out on the road. | ||
| On the trail. | ||
| Just completely flattened out. | ||
| And it was, you know, the length of my arms. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a big ass fucking snake. | ||
| It was a thick snake. | ||
| Thick, like my wrist, around. | ||
| It was a fucking thick old snake. | ||
| So that's a lot of venom that would come out of that head. | ||
| I guess. | ||
| I've heard a... | ||
| I don't know if it's a myth or not, but I heard that the young ones are actually more dangerous because they unload all their venom, whereas the older ones just give you a little zap. | ||
| The old ones like, dude, relax. | ||
| Well, they're more... | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| Keep the snake bite victim calm, keeping them still and quiet. | ||
| Restrict movement and keep the affected area at or below heart level to reduce the flow of venom. | ||
| Remove any rings or constricting items and clothing as the affected area may swell. | ||
| Allow the bite to bleed freely for 15 to 30 seconds before cleansing. | ||
| Create a loose splint to help restrict the movement of the area. | ||
| Contact medical help as soon as possible. | ||
| See below. | ||
| Evacuate the victim immediately by hiking to a car, a helicopter, or medical staff. | ||
| Monitor the person's vital signs, temperature, pulse, rate of breathing, and blood pressure if possible. | ||
| What does it say you do? | ||
| So number six, evacuate the victim immediately by hiking to a car. | ||
| So does that mean that the person who's been bit can hike? | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Do not waste time hunting for the snake, and do not risk another bite if it's not easy to kill the snake. | ||
| Wow, they're trying to tell you to kill it. | ||
| After it has been killed, a snake can still bite for up to an hour, so be careful by transporting it. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| They're kind of like saying, look, I know you're going to kill this fucking snake. | ||
| I looked it up for a hiking, because if you don't do it when you're in a house, it's giving you other information, so it's specific for a hike. | ||
| So it still doesn't say if you should move or not. | ||
| It definitely says you're supposed to stay still, but if you have to walk a mile to your house uphill... | ||
| Yeah, you gotta go. | ||
| I guess the splint is a loose splint to help restrict... | ||
| Google, what do you do if you get bit by a snake and you're hiking alone? | ||
| It's a lot of words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| My dog is, we have no information. | ||
| The doctor will tell us when we get there. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It needs no basis. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| You have to show your papers first. | ||
| Vets are the worst. | ||
| My last cat that died, it was like, we don't know, we're going to have to run a test. | ||
| Okay, fine, run the test. | ||
| It's going to be $1,500. | ||
| Okay, run it. | ||
| $1,500. | ||
| Okay, that didn't come, it's inconclusive. | ||
| We're going to have to run another test. | ||
| Well, why? | ||
| If you want to try and save it, we're going to be up to three grand. | ||
| Alright, we're on the test. | ||
| Alright, now we're three grand in the hole. | ||
| We didn't find out. | ||
| There's no way to cure it. | ||
| They put the cat down. | ||
| And then they say, do you want us to do an autopsy? | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Can you do one on the moon? | ||
| For another two? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great! | |
| It says, my snake questions on Reddit. | ||
| Okay, no first aid is much better than performing bad first aid. | ||
| Don't cut at or around the side of the bite. | ||
| Don't compress the bitten limb with a cord or a tight bandage. | ||
| Don't attempt to extract or neutralize venom using electricity. | ||
| Fire permagrant? | ||
| Pomegranate? | ||
| Pomegranate? | ||
| No, it says perm-a-granate. | ||
| Perm-a-granate. | ||
| Perm-a-granate? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Salt, black stones, mouths, mud, leaves, etc. | ||
| All snake bite kits are dangerous and should not be used. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This was also confirmed by the snake bite poison line. | ||
| A lot of snake bite patients injure themselves by panicking directly after a snake bite, by tripping over a rock or a tree trunk, or by falling off the cliff side of the trail. | ||
| Staying calm is important. | ||
| After a snake bite, walk about 20 to 30 feet away from the snake. | ||
| Find a safe place to sit down ASAP. The venom can rapidly diffuse into your system. | ||
| This can drop your blood pressure too low to pump all the way to your head while standing. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Sitting down reduces your chances of fainting within the first few minutes. | ||
| If you faint, it shouldn't be for more than a few minutes. | ||
| Remove any rings, watches, or tight clothing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I hate rings. | |
| You're going to swell up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Anything else from the bitten limb because the swelling will make it a lot bigger soon. | ||
| Take five minutes to calm down and plan your evacuation. | ||
| The only effective treatment for a snake bite e-venomation is the right anti-venom to neutralize it. | ||
| Do not wait for symptoms to appear. | ||
| If bitten, it's important to get in touch with emergency personnel as soon as possible to get you to a hospital. | ||
| If you have a cell phone and service, great. | ||
| Call 911 or the park ranger. | ||
| If there's no service, think about the last time you had phone service. | ||
| Cell phones, man. | ||
| We didn't have a cell phone. | ||
| That was the other thing. | ||
| I was like, no, we're going to disconnect. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| You're supposed to circle the location of the snake bite and write down the time next to it. | ||
| So when they find you dead? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Draw a circle around the border of the swelling and write down the time. | ||
| Write down all the things you're experiencing that are not normal. | ||
| So now we have pens on us? | ||
| Yeah, we have markers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Examples are metallic taste in your mouth, changes to your sense of smell, sudden loss of vision, double vision, visual disturbances, ringing in the ears, headache, nausea, and vomiting, bleeding from anywhere, dizziness, shortness of breath, etc. | ||
| Yeah, we know it's bad. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Oh, down there, make contact via cell phone. | ||
| If this is not possible, walk slowly to get help. | ||
| That's the key. | ||
| Drink some water and take some calories if you have any. | ||
| Some snakebite victims walk several miles after serious snakebites to their legs. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, they make it out fine. | ||
| So I should have hiked out. | ||
| They make it out to medical care. | ||
| Yeah, you hike out. | ||
| So hike out. | ||
| Don't be a pussy. | ||
| Man the fuck up. | ||
| You kill that cunt of a snake, that evil serpent. | ||
| Look at that serpent. | ||
| How did you kill it? | ||
| You just stomped on it? | ||
| Stomped on his head. | ||
| His head? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's where the bitey part comes from. | ||
| If you're faster than the bitey part, stomp him. | ||
| I got a good sidekick. | ||
| You were not wearing flip-flops. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, I think I was wearing trail sneakers. | ||
| Alright. | ||
| It's got a little something to him. | ||
| A little grip. | ||
| It was a dumb move. | ||
| You shouldn't do it. | ||
| I wouldn't recommend it. | ||
| I would probably never do it again, but in the moment it was the thing to do. | ||
| I like that you just thought, I have a shot here. | ||
| I'm going to take it. | ||
| It was predatory instincts. | ||
| I was like, this motherfucker's sleeping on me. | ||
| He does not think I'm going to stomp him. | ||
| I have to stomp them. | ||
| This is good Memorial Weekend stuff to wear. | ||
| Things to bring in your trail. | ||
| A phone and a Sharpie. | ||
| Well, I always have that with me in case people want autographs. | ||
| It's a good move. | ||
| I'm thinking about getting some snake boots. | ||
| Jamie, pull up snake boots, because I'm looking at some snake boots. | ||
| If they're thigh-high, I'm walking out. | ||
| I will stomp the fuck out of every snake I see if I get some thigh-high Wonder Woman style. | ||
| Hey, Tom, you want to come stomping this weekend? | ||
| We're going snake-stopping. | ||
| Snake boots. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What if it gets you right above that and you feel like such a fucking idiot because you're walking around? | ||
| Yeah, these go about like up to your knee. | ||
| What are those cowboy-boot-looking ones with the red? | ||
| Are those like Kevlar on the side of them? | ||
| Click on that bitch. | ||
| Chippewa. | ||
| Chippewa boots. | ||
| I could see you in that with a big red hat. | ||
| Give yourself a girl on FarmersOnly.com. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com. | |
| I don't know what to do if I get bit by a snake. | ||
| I want a gal who knows how to catch a bass. | ||
| This 17-inch boot has a brown leather foot and cordura top to allow for breathing. | ||
| There's also a Goodyear leather welt. | ||
| What's a welt? | ||
| The bottom, I guess? | ||
| Cushioned insoles and leather line. | ||
| Don't get caught by a snake without a pair. | ||
| The leader in snake-proof boot business become the standard of quality and durability that will support the hunter in reptile-infested areas. | ||
| Merry Christmas, honey. | ||
| I got you something. | ||
| I guess most of the time they probably just bite straight ahead, right? | ||
| These things probably work. | ||
| Yeah, look at that one. | ||
| Where do these people live that they need these? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Freaky bitch. | |
| She's got over-the-knee snake-proof boots. | ||
| She's got snake-proof stilettos that look like a snake. | ||
| That's just vicious. | ||
| Are you looking for a blowjob in a bass boat? | ||
| Farmers on the dock. | ||
| You don't have to be lonely. | ||
| Like, could you imagine if you were wearing those stupid looking boots and that fucking snake lunged forward and you saw the teeth, you're like, this cunt is going to get me right above the boot. | ||
| And bam, he locks onto your kneecap and fills it up with hot venom. | ||
| You have to look in his fucking reptilian ancient eyes. | ||
| His heartless, soulless eyes as he pumps his toxin into your fucking bloodstream. | ||
| And you're still wearing those stupid boots. | ||
| You looking for a handjob in a motorboat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't have to be lonely. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| How much sex has ever happened in those boats in Florida with the fans? | ||
| The giant fans. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at the snake. | ||
| It's biting you. | ||
| I'm biting you. | ||
| Those are cool. | ||
| But where are these people hiking all the time that they're getting so many rattlers? | ||
| Dude, up here. | ||
| You go up in the hills right above the studio, man. | ||
| There's fucking snakes all over the place. | ||
| The point of wearing these boots? | ||
| If you're a guy who has to do it all the time... | ||
| If you're a person that's up there all the time, I would recommend them. | ||
| Okay, let's find out. | ||
| Where do most people get bitten by snakes? | ||
| What part of the body do most people get bitten by snakes? | ||
| Oh, part of the body. | ||
| I thought you were a fucking city. | ||
| No. | ||
| I was going to say St. Louis. | ||
| Yeah, I bet it's the calf. | ||
| Like the calf area. | ||
| Shin calf area. | ||
| It makes sense, right? | ||
| You looking for a handjob in a haystack? | ||
| It's greater than 90% happen on the leg. | ||
| On the leg, yeah. | ||
| They're low. | ||
| They're ground creatures. | ||
| They're not flying around. | ||
| What if you have good Muay Thai and you have good leg checks and you get those knees up high, you see a thing coming, you check it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I bet none of those guys have gotten hit by snake. | ||
| I bet none of them. | ||
| They're fast. | ||
| Snake, they're not, you know, they're not that quick. | ||
| They're springy. | ||
| The real problem is if you startle them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's where it's really fucked up, if you startle them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's what I did. | ||
| The thing about a snake is that they have to come up in order to get you. | ||
| So if a snake is flat like that, like the snake that I saw, he was flat. | ||
| And I was like, oh, you're dead. | ||
| Like, you're not gonna be able to get up quick enough. | ||
| Mine was coiled. | ||
| This is what they call a strike height, and they can make it above some leather boots. | ||
| Some people are asking about if they can get Kevlar jeans so that they don't go through their jeans. | ||
| That's a good move. | ||
| You don't have to wear snake-proof underpants. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want a snake-proof condom. | |
| Maybe the steel jeans that Michael Malice was talking about. | ||
| I doubt it. | ||
| This would probably help guide the venom right into your fucking leg. | ||
| Act as like a little slide. | ||
| You want to do it doggy style at a blue collar concert? | ||
| At a state fair? | ||
| How about a state fair? | ||
| State fairs are odd, man. | ||
| They're really weird. | ||
| If you see a band at a state fair... | ||
| Even if there's a lot of people at the State Fair, the caveat is always that there's a State Fair. | ||
| You know? | ||
| At the State Fair, yeah. | ||
| I go to see Ted Nugent at the State Fair. | ||
| Probably packed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Uncle Ted's here! | ||
| Woo! | ||
| I once got an offer when I was first starting as a comic to do... | ||
| The offer was, you would drive a van with all the stuff for the stage in it to the state fair, help the crew build the stage, load everything onto the stage and stuff, and then you drive... | ||
| At the end of the show, you do a little comedy, host a little, and then you drive to the next... | ||
| You break down the stage, load it up, then you drive to the next city. | ||
| And the routing was like... | ||
| Starts in Buffalo. | ||
| Next night, Phoenix. | ||
| Next night, Charlotte, North Carolina. | ||
| Then Rochester. | ||
| Then back to Tucson, Arizona. | ||
| I was like, I said to my girlfriend at the time, who's now my wife, we should just get on the motorcycle and just drive all these places without these state fair shows. | ||
| Yeah, did it pay money? | ||
| Yeah, and then they'd pay you. | ||
| But not much, right? | ||
| That was terrible. | ||
| So we ended up, that's what we did. | ||
| We took the motorcycle and went for five weeks all around the U.S. On a motorcycle? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a pretty gangster move, man. | ||
| It was gangster. | ||
| We'd only been dating for like six months. | ||
| Ooh, that's a show a gal you care. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a good show a gal you care move. | ||
| You're really invested. | ||
| We got back from that. | ||
| We were like, alright, I guess we'll get married because that went well. | ||
| That's Bill Murray's advice. | ||
| Bill Murray says if you're thinking about marrying someone, travel the world with them. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| You'll be hot and miserable. | ||
| You'll find out what they're really all about. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I've lost some friends who we went on vacations with. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They fall apart on you? | ||
| Yeah, they get shitty. | ||
| They can't go with the flow. | ||
| They get all pissy, you know, because... | ||
| The car didn't show up or you missed the train. | ||
| It's a little stressful when you travel. | ||
| Yeah, that is a problem with some people, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just don't know how to keep it together when things aren't going the best. | ||
| They're pissy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That Hannity move when he's like, really, Ted? | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, that's sad. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| You don't want to travel with that guy. | ||
| He's a silly boy. | ||
| You just get pissy. | ||
| That kind of like the kid who's been picked on kind of thing. | ||
| But you know what the problem with those guys is? | ||
| There's many problems. | ||
| But one of the big problems is they're always in combat. | ||
| They're always fighting. | ||
| They're always forcing their opinions, they're always pushing their opinions with a lot of energy and emphasis, and they're always resisting anything that is contrary to their opinions, never considering them, never going over it, like really objectively. | ||
| It's always this, which is a natural, that natural knee-jerk reaction that all of us are subjected to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're all subject to that kind of unfortunate defense of our ideas, our initial idea. | ||
| There's a book, I do not know the name, I'll find out and post it, but that my friend read and he's conservative. | ||
| And it's basically about that. | ||
| It's how to take, hear something, recognize what your initial knee-jerk reaction is because of where you stand and what you believe. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And evaluate it. | ||
| And give yourself a beat to say, wait, maybe I'm wrong. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And try and work your way around the argument. | ||
| And he really believes in this book. | ||
| It's like, we're so all naturally set for these trigger words. | ||
| Like, you hear Hannity, or you hear Trump, or you hear Hillary, or you hear Clintons and... | ||
| Everybody has their preconceived beliefs, so you just back up whatever those stories are. | ||
| And this book is about breaking that down and trying to be more open and more logical. | ||
| I've definitely tried to work on that a lot during my time that I've been doing the podcast. | ||
| I've gotten way better at it. | ||
| I'm definitely not the best at it, but it's something I'm way better at now than I was when I first started doing the podcast. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, because you realize how much it gets in the way of a good conversation. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It gets in the way of understanding how other people think. | ||
| Sometimes you have to dig your heels in and defend your position because you think the other person is being illogical. | ||
| And that's okay too, but I think it's also important to look at what someone else is saying and try to see if it makes any sense at all. | ||
| And it might not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But give it a chance. | ||
| Give it a chance. | ||
| Give it a chance. | ||
| Yeah, no, that's great. | ||
| I try to just, like, look at someone from someone else's point of view. | ||
| I try to go, okay, so explain it. | ||
| Like, where are you coming from? | ||
| I try to do it with no judgment. | ||
| I try to just, like, really get into their head. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So when you do take opinions and you do analyze it and come down and say, you know, X is wrong, I believe X is wrong, do you... | ||
| Read your Twitter feed. | ||
| Because it seems like anytime you're in something public and you side anyway, you know, one issue and you go this way or that way, you're getting attacked. | ||
| Do you have that? | ||
| You would definitely have that. | ||
| Yeah, I've got that. | ||
| And do you take it to heart, or you're just like, no, these people just exist, and that's just the way it is? | ||
| I mean, I analyze myself. | ||
| I mean, I'll listen to some of it, if it's valid. | ||
| I know, I definitely know I've fucked up before. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And when I have fucked up before, I've read things that people said that it didn't feel good to read it, but I knew that they were probably right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And so, you just... | ||
| You know, when you're doing a live show, and you're just kind of free-balling the whole time. | ||
| Yeah, and it's comedy. | ||
| Sometimes it's comedy, and sometimes it gets heated, and sometimes there's booze involved. | ||
| There's a lot of those. | ||
| But, you know, I mean, it's just, are you trying to get better all the time? | ||
| Are you trying to do it better? | ||
| And if you are, this is just a part of the process. | ||
| And there's value in feedback. | ||
| But there's also, you have to understand, like, how many people with... | ||
| How many people are just trolling you? | ||
| How many people don't like you for whatever reason? | ||
| I've gone to people's pages, they'll say something insulting, and you go to their page, and it's just them insulting everybody. | ||
| Right, I know. | ||
| Everybody they can. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's some people that choose to do that with their time, and hey, this is America, you're allowed to do that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think, overall, the more time goes on, the less I spend looking at any of that shit, the better off I am. | ||
| So I'm less likely to look at that shit now than I ever have before. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just, yeah, because like you say, some of it you want to see and it is good feedback and there is a good rapport. | ||
| And then other people are just like, they make it almost impossible to find the good ones because it's just because you said one word. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're comedians. | ||
| We're just curious people. | ||
| We're always trying to figure stuff out. | ||
| We're very similar in that we're not down on any one side, any one team. | ||
| We're really trying to figure out life and trying to figure things out. | ||
| So you're allowed to try and be like, I don't think this is right, or I don't think that's right. | ||
| But the... | ||
| Teams, people from the teams, just pounce. | ||
| Well, you can't think that way. | ||
| Well, I'm trying to figure it out. | ||
| I don't know if this is an oil grab. | ||
| I don't know if this is real news. | ||
| But don't you think that's also what makes social media and interaction with people so interesting, is that people can throw their opinion into the ring. | ||
| Throw their hat into the ring, as it were. | ||
| They read something that you say, or they heard something that you said in a clip, and then they argue with you about it. | ||
| If it's a... | ||
| A smart argument. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not just a knee-jerk, you know, I hope you die because you said that. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You'd love to, you know. | ||
| I mean, that's some of the best conversations you can have are when you don't agree with somebody, and you're just kind of like going back, and it can get heated, but it's not insulting. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the big key. | ||
| And it's also when you explore why you believe something and I believe something different and you go back and forth over it, if you do do it respectful and you do get to understand where that person's coming from, sometimes it makes it even more obvious to everybody listening and to you that they're wrong. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or that you're wrong. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Whatever the fucking honest answer is, it gets sort of illuminated. | ||
| And it doesn't get illuminated when you get locked up in this battle. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's people that will form sides. | ||
| But if you can get to the objective battle, okay, what makes you believe that that is true? | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then they tell you, and you go, well, that is actually not true. | ||
| Let's find the facts. | ||
| Or, I didn't know that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Now I'm looking at my initial position differently. | ||
| And don't be married to that initial position. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because it's just an opinion. | ||
| But opinions, to us, are almost like markers of our self-esteem. | ||
| If you can't defend that position, then you fucked up initially, and you're flawed. | ||
| So people dig in, and they try to defend that position, even when they know it logically, it doesn't make sense. | ||
| It's like they get married to it. | ||
| And even if you're with somebody, and you're engaged, and you're having this real back and forth about something, and you both are dealing with the facts... | ||
| But you still have your opinion that, no, I'm still siding with this way and I'm siding with that way. | ||
| You can still respect each other. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's when you go, when it becomes this personal insult is where you lose it. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I mean, I know people in my family, people, you know, that I work with, whatever, who have total different views, vote differently, act differently, do whatever. | ||
| But I love them. | ||
| They're just great people. | ||
| And you can't... | ||
| You shouldn't have to dissolve relationships because of a political point of view about a certain issue. | ||
| That's what's so great. | ||
| My whole family was like, my grandfather was hard right, my uncle was hard left, and they would argue and fight, but they loved each other and everybody kind of got along and just ate their potatoes after the argument. | ||
| Some people can't do that, right? | ||
| Some people, if you don't agree with them, you can't hang out with them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| About everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then some people will have these crazy arguments where you can't be right or wrong. | ||
| You don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| Like climate change. | ||
| How many people have you talked to that would just go hard one way or the other on climate change? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then when you start talking to them about it, Like you actually ask them, what makes you think that climate change is just a cycle and that human beings are not involved in it? | ||
| Well, it's been shown that a lot of the data has been hoaxed and a lot of the... | ||
| And then if you just go deeper, deeper, deeper down the rabbit hole, you find out they haven't looked into it that much. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Very few people arguing pro or against man-made climate change have really looked into it. | ||
| Most people are just sort of taking the consensus view that they hear from scientists or from pundits or from people in the news. | ||
| And if you're on the left, you're most likely thinking that we're in deep trouble. | ||
| And if you're on the right, you're more likely to dismiss it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that's why back to why we need grownups to like control some of the news and give you facts so you can kind of decide stuff. | ||
| It's because you don't have the time to research climate change on your own. | ||
| You've got kids, you've got a dog that's got a, wants you to whack off with your foot. | ||
| There's a lot going on in your life. | ||
| So you depend on others who are really, who are invested in giving you the right information. | ||
| So what do you do? | ||
| Do you tell them that they have to just say, like, okay, if you're going to call something in the news, should we have, like, a thing where you have to, like, meet a standard of ingredients? | ||
| Like, we looked at your ingredients, and you have trans fats in your news, and you have all this other bullshit. | ||
| Like, you can't sell this as food. | ||
| This is not news. | ||
| You can't make this food. | ||
| It should be. | ||
| Yeah, it should be. | ||
| Because, like, for Hannity to say, I'm a talk show host, that's fine. | ||
| More power to you. | ||
| But then there should be a thing, a little logo up in the corner that says, Opinion Show, like a little O. And then there should be an N on the top of the whatever show that's just giving you facts for the day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| The problem really is calling it a news network and having opinion people on a news network. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that's the same with Anderson Cooper when he's rolling his eyes at Kellyanne Conway. | ||
| That's the same shit. | ||
| It's the same stuff, right? | ||
| It's the same shit he's just doing on the other side. | ||
| And maybe he's correct that what she's saying is ridiculous, but he's clearly editorializing by doing that. | ||
| Yes, it's all opinion shows, you know? | ||
| And then you need somebody... | ||
| Don Lemon. | ||
| You need Ted Koppel to just sit there with his little face and just give you the boring news and put an N on it. | ||
| And when he goes on opinion shows, he lets them know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he's letting these guys know, like, hey, you're ruining everything. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't have time to watch anything, frankly. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| But where do you get your news? | ||
| Do you just read articles? | ||
| I read, uh, yeah. | ||
| I mean, stuff pops up on my phone. | ||
| Read the Times? | ||
| I read the Times. | ||
| I get the Times delivered every day. | ||
| Look at you, like a real man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you have toast? | ||
| Gentleman's toast? | ||
| Yes, I do. | ||
| The gentleman's breakfast. | ||
| Gentleman's breakfast and you eat the... | ||
| Van Gogh is this great... | ||
| Painter? | ||
| The painter? | ||
| Has this great... | ||
| Had this great quote about what it takes to do good work. | ||
| And you have to have... | ||
| You have to have your... | ||
| You smoke your pipe. | ||
| Have a fling once in a while. | ||
| Something like... | ||
| And have a moment to yourself to have coffee. | ||
| To have your coffee by yourself. | ||
| And I really try and carve that out every day. | ||
| It's not going to make me Van Gogh, but I really believe those things. | ||
| To just sit with your coffee for a couple minutes and just in peace, just have that. | ||
| Those moments, like even when you're talking about making your bread, those moments make you more of a person, those moments of thought and careful consideration of what you're doing, relaxation. | ||
| You sitting there and eating the bread, just having a slice of toast and a coffee and just sit for 10 minutes before you embark on whatever madness you're going to do for the day. | ||
| Those moments are important. | ||
| It's one of the big rituals for backcountry hunters, bringing coffee. | ||
| Guys will, you know, weight is a very big thing when you're backcountry hunting and hiking. | ||
| Like when these guys go deep into the backcountry, you know, there are several miles deep into the woods. | ||
| Yeah, I used to do it all the time. | ||
| And a lot of guys will bring like a little jet boil and packets of coffee, and they'll cook up some hot water, and they'll sit together, and they'll have a moment to be a person again. | ||
| And sit down, let's have a cup of coffee. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| And they'll use these little plastic cups, and they pour their coffee, and they're sitting there drinking on the side of the mountain. | ||
| And then they feel like, oh, I've got a moment of pleasure, a moment of relaxation. | ||
| Important. | ||
| And there's other stuff they didn't put in the packs just so they could have that. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Well, they just carry that extra weight, especially the jet boil. | ||
| Jet boil's probably like a pound or so. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you're carrying water anyway, so you're just boiling that water, and you pour in those. | ||
| You know, they have those Starbucks little Virtu, I think they're called. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is that what it's called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are those Starbucks little packets called? | |
| What is it called? | ||
| The Verismo? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
| Verismo? | ||
| Yeah, it's just like... | ||
| Yeah, like a little pack of instant coffee. | ||
| Why do you think it was a Virtu? | ||
| What is a Virtu? | ||
| That's a something, right? | ||
| It's like electronic or some shit. | ||
| But yeah, whatever those Starbucks... | ||
| Those Starbucks Instants are really good. | ||
| Yeah, they are good. | ||
| I mean, it tastes like real coffee. | ||
| They figured out how to do it now. | ||
| I used to make my shitty New York apartment. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah, because they didn't have a good coffee maker. | ||
| I was like, this will do me well. | ||
| Dude, if you want to make coffee, if you're at home, all you need is a French press. | ||
| That is the way to go. | ||
| That's the way to go. | ||
| It is the best. | ||
| It's a little mucky cleanup. | ||
| Yeah, I guess. | ||
| It's worth the step. | ||
| But it's a few steps. | ||
| But the oils from the coffee. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you're a person who enjoys the actual flavor of coffee. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| No milk, no nothing. | ||
| Just give it to me. | ||
| Like a man. | ||
| Like a man. | ||
| That's why I drink it these days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the best. | |
| And I get way less complaints on the podcast about me clearing my throat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| I was a problem before. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because you had stuff in the coffee? | ||
| I drank the bulletproof coffee with the butter and the MCT oil. | ||
| And it was making you phlegmy? | ||
| That butter coffee makes you super phlegmy. | ||
| I'd be like... | ||
| What am I drinking here? | ||
| Black coffee. | ||
| Just black coffee. | ||
| Caveman coffee. | ||
| It's the best. | ||
| Sabertooth roast. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's goddamn savage. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| No, those moments are really important in life. | ||
| I really believe those little quiet things that have been passed on. | ||
| If things have been around for thousands of years and people have figured it out, the cocktail hour, the quiet moment before bed or in the morning when you're having your coffee, those things are figured out for a reason. | ||
| Have figured out this is the way to live. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| It really is the way to live. | ||
| And if you can pull it off... | ||
| And they're so small and they're so deep and they're so valuable. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's not a giant trip to Vegas. | ||
| It's not, oh, I've got to make a million dollars. | ||
| It's sitting with your pipe and a coffee. | ||
| That simple little thing is so much better for your soul than all this giant stuff that we end up chasing. | ||
| Small. | ||
| Yeah, I was interviewing Dr. Robert Sapolsky yesterday, a famous scientist, and one of the things I was doing was going over some of his work, listening to some of his previous interviews and reading some of his articles and stuff, and he had this thing about meditation. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| And essentially, one of the things that he was saying about meditation is, like, it can be effective, but you have to do it all the time. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not something you can do once a week. | ||
| Meditation is something that should become a daily part of your routine, and then it'll help you mitigate stress. | ||
| Does it take twice a day, or can you do it once a day? | ||
| He didn't specify. | ||
| He was talking about all the different forms that it takes, too. | ||
| There's a bunch of different kinds, and there's not necessarily one that works best. | ||
| But I think that what you're doing when you're making your bread, I think that's a meditation. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Yeah, in a way. | ||
| It's not like when I really meditate and you sit for 20 minutes and it slows your heart rate. | ||
| And you're not asleep. | ||
| It actually calms you deeper than sleep. | ||
| I used to, and I still do, call martial arts moving meditation. | ||
| Because martial arts make you think so much about the movements and about what you're doing. | ||
| So much intensity and so much danger involved in them that they make you have very singular focus. | ||
| And then in that singular focus, there's some sort of a cleansing that happens with your mind. | ||
| It's like by just going hard at these things, it relieves stress in a way. | ||
| Completely. | ||
| That uber-focus on anything, right? | ||
| When I had a motorcycle, and my father still does it, and it's his thing. | ||
| I have comedy and other things to put my mind into. | ||
| But he still does it, and I get it. | ||
| I mean, when you're on that bike, it's your survival. | ||
| Where's your dad live? | ||
| He lives in New York. | ||
| City? | ||
| No, upstate New York. | ||
| So is he in a place where you could ride a bike and not worry about people being methed out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Running you over while they're texting? | ||
| But he goes everywhere. | ||
| He goes on these trips, like, excuse me, up all the way, mostly East Coast, but he's done all of Europe, he's done all of the U.S. You ever wipe out? | ||
| No. | ||
| Never wiped out? | ||
| Never wiped out. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How'd you do that? | ||
| You're the only guy I've ever heard of. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I was uber safe as I could be. | ||
| You're still dependent on other people, but... | ||
| The only time I fell over was my wife and I pulled into a Days Inn in Kansas and we'd done a lot of highway, just straight hours just going. | ||
| And we pulled up to the Days Inn and the routine was we'd pull in at the end of the day and she would go in to check into the hotel and I would take care of the bike. | ||
| And we pulled into a Days Inn and she hopped off the bike and I just never took my feet off the pegs. | ||
| Because I was so tired. | ||
| And I just, like, Benny Hill just slowly tipped over to the side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you get hurt? | |
| No, the bar kind of caught it. | ||
| It'd just feel like a schnub. | ||
| That's pretty good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| As far as, like, all the accidents? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No. | ||
| I went with a couple of friends from Fear Factor. | ||
| We were all taking it at the same time. | ||
| Motorcycle safety course. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And while I was doing it, two people I know got in car accidents on motorcycles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then one person I know saw a person get hit, saw someone space out on their phone, ran into some guy from behind, sent him flying through the air, just hit him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just bang. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I was lucky, but once I came out here, I had it in New York City for a long time, which was kind of manageable. | ||
| I would do spots. | ||
| Me and Greg Giraldo would go between clubs. | ||
| And it was night, so it was kind of a little more mellow, and it was alright. | ||
| But once I came out here, I was like, there's no way. | ||
| I just had kids, and my career was starting to go okay, and I'm like, there's too much to lose. | ||
| I mean, this place is nuts with driving as it is. | ||
| Everybody drives out here, too. | ||
| As opposed to in New York, those are professionals. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| It's not that they're better at it, but, you know. | ||
| But man, I was in San Francisco a couple weeks ago, and I went into a Ducati Triumph shop. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| God, it made me want to shit back on. | ||
| Oh, they're so beautiful. | ||
| I've never ridden a Ducati, but I stared at a bunch of them. | ||
| And these are the touring ones. | ||
| I wasn't even interested in the real crotch rocket. | ||
| They've got these touring ones that are so beautiful. | ||
| Badass. | ||
| Ducatis have a cool sound to them, too. | ||
| They really do. | ||
| Very distinct. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I do miss it, for sure. | ||
| Look at those fucking things. | ||
| Yeah, the new Triumphs. | ||
| They're made to look like the old Triumphs. | ||
| Damn, those look great. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Looks like so much fun. | ||
| So much fun. | ||
| Look at that fucking bike. | ||
| That's a Bucati with the double tailpipes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| How could you not want to just leave everybody and just go? | ||
| It's probably so fun. | ||
| And now apparently those things kind of have like self-balancing properties to them. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Like gyros? | ||
| Well, they have like traction control, some of them do now. | ||
| And there was one that Jamie showed that some bike from the future that holds itself up. | ||
| Was that a BMW? Is that who made it? | ||
| There's some new BMW bike that doesn't look like any bike you've ever seen before. | ||
| It looks like some total Tron shit, some space-age shit. | ||
| And this bike is, I think it's right, it's a concept right now. | ||
| Go full screen so we can look at this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, what BMW is doing is pretty. | |
| If this happens, Jamie was saying you don't need a helmet. | ||
| That's what they said. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| I'm just repeating what they said. | ||
| So look at these goggles. | ||
| Jamie's declared, you don't even need to wear clothes! | ||
| Look at the goggles they have on. | ||
| She's got these goggles that are like virtual reality headsets. | ||
| Go back so you can see those goggles before she puts them on. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at this fucking bike, man. | ||
| It's gorgeous. | ||
| It looks like Tom Cruise in the... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, so she can see the speedometer and everything comes through your vision. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| It's got big fat Batman tires. | ||
| That's gorgeous. | ||
| Dude, look. | ||
| It's got a navigation system. | ||
| It's showing on the goggles while she's riding around. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Is this coming soon? | ||
| I don't know if it's ever coming, really. | ||
| It might be bullshit. | ||
| No way. | ||
| All this stuff always comes out. | ||
| But watch. | ||
| She stands off of it, and it stays up on its own. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a gyroscope. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Of course it's coming. | ||
| But she doesn't have a helmet on. | ||
| And look how hot she is! | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's so hot. | |
| She totally would be with me. | ||
| Do you think it makes you hotter? | ||
| Makes you hotter when you're on a bike like that? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I follow on Instagram. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| It's a Batman bike. | ||
| I think it's motor A-list. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It's just beautiful girls on these old vintage bikes. | ||
| It's the sexiest thing I've ever seen. | ||
| But look at that. | ||
| She doesn't even have to balance it. | ||
| It balances itself like one of those scooters. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, because she's so hot! | |
| Because she's so hot! | ||
| It's her pussy. | ||
| It's her pussy gyroscope. | ||
| It's got such a gravitational force that the whole thing, I stay centered. | ||
| She's so hot. | ||
| You put a girl on a bike, it's hot. | ||
| You know, if you put a girl in a place where you don't expect, she goes up and... | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Girl on a golf course? | ||
| Girl at a boxing gym with her hair pulled back. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| A girl on a crew with just a tool belt? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Girl on a golf course. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They go up. | ||
| It's always fat guys. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Do you think a girl on a golf course is just looking for dick? | ||
| Or do you think they actually like golf? | ||
| Some can really play. | ||
| You're really entertaining my question. | ||
| Well, it takes all types, right? | ||
| Real consideration. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Probably all of us looking for dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All of them. | |
| They can't possibly like it. | ||
| It's like guys playing with dolls. | ||
| Do you really like to play with dolls? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, if you're out there on the links playing, she can play. | ||
| Shout out, ladies. | ||
| But I've seen some girls that couldn't play at all who were just flirting with guys at the driving range. | ||
| What are you showing me here, Jamie? | ||
| She's like the hottest, arguably, female golfer. | ||
| She's got a million followers on Instagram. | ||
| Of course she does. | ||
| She's a female golfer and she's showing her butt. | ||
| Imagine if that was a male golfer standing like that. | ||
| Back up one. | ||
| Okay, male golfer standing like that. | ||
| Show's over, fella. | ||
| It's over, okay? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But she can do that. | ||
| She can stick her butt at you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you got to work with what you got. | ||
| Well, I'm sure she's got more than that, you son of a bitch. | ||
| No, she's talented. | ||
| You're so sexist. | ||
| I can't even believe you, my friend. | ||
| What's going on here? | ||
| She's a killer. | ||
| She's got her tits hanging out, and she's wearing a little tiny skirt. | ||
| You got to work with what you got. | ||
| How come dudes don't dress like that when they hit balls? | ||
| Seems weird. | ||
| Because we don't have those bodies. | ||
| Our bodies are gross. | ||
| If our bodies looked like that, if we were sleek and thin, we'd be okay? | ||
| If we were sleek, thin, smooth, hairless. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Smooth. | |
| Ah. | ||
| Not offensive. | ||
| No appendages dangling. | ||
| Yeah, no disgusting. | ||
| Nothing gross. | ||
| Gross. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hairs coming everywhere. | ||
| Yeah, everywhere. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| I got hairs in my ears now. | ||
| I have to shave them. | ||
| It's a new thing. | ||
| As I get older, I get hairier. | ||
| Like, I have neck hair now, back of the neck hair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ear hair, nose hair. | ||
| I'm covered. | ||
| I'm like a bear. | ||
| Except where we want it. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| I had a barber, an old Italian barber, who shaved my ears when I was 15. Whoa. | ||
| He took shaving stuff and put it on my ears and shaved them. | ||
| Straight razor? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And ever since then, just weeds growing out of the back of my ears. | ||
| Yeah, it totally worked that way. | ||
| I think it just grew that way anyway. | ||
| No! | ||
| That's why he was shaving your ears at 15. Most kids don't have to get their fucking ears shaved at 15. You're a goddamn little wolf boy. | ||
| Like Michael J. Fox in that movie. | ||
| Yeah, but it was soft little fluffy hair. | ||
| Now it's like cactus. | ||
| I don't think it works that way, man. | ||
| I don't think like when you shave it, it doesn't grow back thicker. | ||
| I think that's a myth. | ||
| I don't think that's true. | ||
| I think it definitely grows back thicker. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't think it does, man. | ||
| I think this came up the other day. | ||
| I don't know if it was on here or if I saw it, but yeah. | ||
| It definitely grows back thicker. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's a myth. | ||
| When my wife started shaving her mustache, now it... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Her pussy's a jungle! | |
| But it's a war we will win every day. | ||
| We hack away. | ||
| I've got a trimmer that goes inside the ear and up the nose. | ||
| I've got a thing I shave with my regular razor. | ||
| As I'm shaving my face, I shave the back of my ears. | ||
| I'm a hairy mess. | ||
| Sometimes when I'm driving in my car, I'll grab a finger full of nose hairs and I'll yank them out by the roots. | ||
| Feels good. | ||
| It's very satisfying when I look and I see a bunch of hairs that I pulled out of my nose. | ||
| You've got to get a trimmer. | ||
| Yeah, I know I do, but sometimes I can grab them. | ||
| I just like to grab them. | ||
| My one part of my back is hairier than the other side? | ||
| Fact or fiction. | ||
| If you shave or wax, your hair will come back thicker. | ||
| And it may look that way, but looks can be very deceiving. | ||
| I don't believe this science. | ||
| Bullshit with the fucking Scientific America. | ||
| Bunch of liberal nonsense. | ||
| That is simply not so. | ||
| There are several reasons that the myth continues to flourish. | ||
| One is the limitation of human perception. | ||
| People are just not very good observers, but there is no science, just no science behind hair growing back thicker, says Amy McMichael. | ||
| First of all, it's a girl. | ||
| Yeah, where's she know? | ||
| Chair of the Department of Dermatology at Wake Forest Baptist Health. | ||
| We're just kidding, Amy. | ||
| I'm sure you know a lot more than me. | ||
| There's also the power of coincidence. | ||
| Indeed, pervasive myths, if a young boy shaves his mustache, it will grow back thicker, are grounded in a kernel of truth. | ||
| It might, but that's because the shaving may overlap with the timing of natural hormonal fluctuations in his body that are developing his adult facial hair, not because of his hair removal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Body hair grows at different times and at different rates for everybody. | ||
| Case closed, Papa. | ||
| I had little fuzzies on my ears and now I have cactus barbs that hurt my wife in our sleep. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I'm a hairy mess. | ||
| I had a birthmark on my left side of my back when I was young and it faded. | ||
| But what's remained is hair. | ||
| So my right side is not very hairy. | ||
| It has some hair. | ||
| But this side is just like a jungle. | ||
| A patch. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| I used to have a song for it when I was in high school. | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Sammy on my back. | ||
| Sammy on my back. | ||
| What you doing there with all that hair? | ||
| Sammy. | ||
| You got a name for it? | ||
| It was Sammy? | ||
| Why did you call it Sammy? | ||
| One of my friends named it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Sammy on my back. | ||
| Some weird fucking photo album they jerk off to. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What you doing there with all that hair? | |
| Sammy. | ||
| And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, we just did another three hours. | ||
| We did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's the best show ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's crazy. | |
| How the fuck does that happen? | ||
| It's 4.30 already. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| Dom Popo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you... | |
| So when you're home enjoying my bread over Memorial Day weekend... | ||
| I smell it already. | ||
| Will I be enjoying any gift from you? | ||
| I have elk for you, sir. | ||
| The elk! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yes. | ||
| Mighty. | ||
| I have also purchased a new commercial-sized Yoder pellet smoker and I will be cooking from the new location. | ||
| So next time we do Fight Companion or maybe next time you and I do a podcast, we will sit down to a meal that I will cook before you ever get here. | ||
| So we'll have a meal and we'll put some cameras on us and we'll talk some shit while we're eating a nice, delicious, wild game dinner. | ||
| I will bring the wine and the cigars. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Dinner with Joe and Tom. | ||
| Dinner for two. | ||
| And you bring bread and we'll have some gentleman's butter. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Gentleman's breakfast. | ||
| Three cigars. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Bottle of wine. | ||
| That's done. | ||
| Done. | ||
| We're done. | ||
| It's a great idea. | ||
| So I have this. | ||
| It's a Yoder. | ||
| Pull this up. | ||
| It's a Yoder 1500. I got one so I could cook for like six, seven people at a time. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| It's a big ass. | ||
| Never heard of this. | ||
| Well, I'm a big fan of these pellet smokers. | ||
| And what I like about these Yoders is... | ||
| This is, by the way, not an endorsement. | ||
| I paid full price for this thing. | ||
| Didn't ask for... | ||
| That looks cool. | ||
| It's not a sponsorship. | ||
| It's big. | ||
| It's just a dope pellet smoker. | ||
| Holy cow. | ||
| It's made in America. | ||
| What do you keep... | ||
| What's pellet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck yeah. | |
| What do you mean pellet? | ||
| It works on pellets, meaning hardwood pellets. | ||
| So what they do is they take, you know, when a lumberyard cuts up like maple or oak or some hardwood, they take the pellets, they take rather the sawdust, and they compress it, and the natural sugars compress Down into pellets and the pellets hold together and they pour these pellets in a hopper and the hopper feeds into a worm drive that feeds to a heating element. | ||
| So it keeps it at a very consistent temperature. | ||
| How do you light it? | ||
| Well, it lights itself. | ||
| Just a switch? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See it like that? | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| And if you... | ||
| Jamie, see if you can find like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's badass. | |
| Oh, it's dope. | ||
| I love these things. | ||
| And there's another company called Traeger that just came out with a really super high-tech one that's thick and insulated like a Yeti cooler. | ||
| It's like their best model yet. | ||
| And you can control it with an app. | ||
| And it has digital thermometers that are built into it so you can tell the temperature, your food. | ||
| What's your signature dish off of this thing? | ||
| Well, mostly I eat wild game because I try to shoot an elk a year, which is like 400 pounds of meat plus. | ||
| I give away a lot of it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| 400 pounds? | ||
| But I'd say I have 400 pounds of meat. | ||
| But this year was a good year. | ||
| I shot two deer. | ||
| I shot a pig. | ||
| I shot an elk. | ||
| So I shot a lot of animals this year. | ||
| So I've got a lot of good food. | ||
| Do you have a big fridge at the house? | ||
| I have two commercial freezers in the back here. | ||
| And I have two more commercial freezers at home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's badass. | |
| But I gave away a lot of food to my friends. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm very proud. | ||
| I gave food to Duncan Trussell. | ||
| I gave elk to Gary Clark Jr. Oh, yeah? | ||
| One of the greatest guitarists of all time. | ||
| Ate my meat. | ||
| Yeah, that's great. | ||
| Sounded wrong. | ||
| You're a real groupie. | ||
| Yeah, so Traeger has this new one. | ||
| The Timberline, that's it. | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| The Timberline is their new one. | ||
| And this new one, you could see, it has this crazy convection oven cycling of the smoke. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| And the Traeger's got this really thick door. | ||
| My friend John Dudley has one of these. | ||
| I think there's some sort of a discount that you can get if you want to buy one with his, I don't know. | ||
| I have a gas grill, and you just don't get that... | ||
| Not the same. | ||
| It's not the same. | ||
| Not the same. | ||
| This is no gas. | ||
| This is just wood. | ||
| See, the pellets, there's no chemicals in it. | ||
| Oh, so there's no gas line or anything? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| It's just electricity heats up that heating element, and there's a fan that blows air on the wood chips while they're getting cooked, and then it's just smoke. | ||
| Smoke and heat that cooks the food. | ||
| Dude, I am... | ||
| I am sold. | ||
| There's another company, a really good company, called Green Mountain Grills. | ||
| They actually gave me a grill back in the day. | ||
| They were the first ones I'd ever tried. | ||
| Those are excellent, too, and you can get a good one that's not even too expensive. | ||
| Camp Chef has another really nice one, too. | ||
| So I'm not trying to tell anybody to buy anything, but I'm saying if you're thinking about getting a grill, I would look into one of these pellet grills. | ||
| Yeah, that's pretty badass. | ||
| Well, they're super easy to use, too. | ||
| You just pour the pellets into this hopper, and then you set the temperature. | ||
| How often do you have to refresh the pellets? | ||
| Dude, they're so economical. | ||
| They last a long time? | ||
| Because they keep the exact right temperature, or real close to it, within a few degrees up or down. | ||
| The hopper, I fill it up every four or five cooks. | ||
| And if that was charcoal, it would last for one cook. | ||
| That's what it looks like. | ||
| See those things? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It looks like some sort of a brand cereal, right? | ||
| Doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah, it looks like gerbil food. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So what it is is just hardwood sawdust, and they just smush it. | ||
| And the natural sugars make it stick together. | ||
| Because you could break it up with your fingers. | ||
| Oh, you could? | ||
| Yeah, you break it up easy. | ||
| So you pour it into the hopper. | ||
| It grinds down. | ||
| See that worm drive below? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it feeds down to that thing on the right, which is where the heating element is. | ||
| And so it just catches fire, and then the flames make smoke, and then it fills up that chamber, and the heat comes from the smoke. | ||
| So when you put an elk steak or something on there, Can you cook it, like, in just a couple minutes, or is everything just smoked slow? | ||
| No, it takes a long time. | ||
| The way I do it now, I've done it a bunch of different ways, and all of them are delicious. | ||
| Like, elk is my favorite meat. | ||
| It's a delicious, really healthy meat. | ||
| But my favorite way to do it now, because of this guy, Chad, Whiskey Bent Barbecue on Instagram, was my friend John Dudley's buddy, who's a world champion pitmaster. | ||
| Like, one of those bad motherfuckers. | ||
| Grill guys. | ||
| He says, don't ever cook meat above 275 degrees. | ||
| He says, when you're cooking, you should cook it slowly and don't allow the meat to dry out and use a meat thermometer. | ||
| So since I started doing that, I've been very happy with the results. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because I get it to 130, 135 degrees, somewhere around there. | ||
| Then I pull it and then I reverse sear it. | ||
| The way I do it is on a frying pan. | ||
| I use butter in a frying pan with some garlic and I sear that shit out of it on each side real quick, like 30 seconds, 40 seconds. | ||
| So you bring it into the house? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Bring it to the house, then... | ||
| I get even crazier. | ||
| Then I wrap it up with aluminum foil, and I put it in a Yeti cooler, and I seal it up for 15 minutes. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, let it slowly keep cooking, because real slow, cool down. | ||
| And then I open it up, and I let it sit for another 10 minutes. | ||
| And then I slice into that bed. | ||
| So what should I do with the gas grill? | ||
| We'll talk. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We'll talk. | |
| Throw that thing in the fucking, give it to homeless people. | ||
| Throw it in the LA River. | ||
| See? | ||
| This stuff is, when you can do something like that and you get good at it, right? | ||
| This is the bread thing. | ||
| It's like, you're in. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Well, for me, I love cooking. | ||
| I've always loved cooking. | ||
| And it's not... | ||
| There's a little bit of a manly thing that I like more with cooking with lump charcoal over a charcoal grill. | ||
| The smell. | ||
| There's something very manly about the real fire thing. | ||
| It's primal. | ||
| But honestly, as far as taste and as far as ease of use and repeatability, it's hard to fuck with these pellet grills. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you're cooking with real wood fire. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It smells great. | ||
| It tastes great. | ||
| Like when you open the lid up, the smell of like maple and all the different, you know, you can buy a bunch of different like apple wood, all kinds of different cherry. | ||
| So great. | ||
| You can buy all kinds of different pellets. | ||
| I need a bigger yard. | ||
| They're not even that big, man. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| And again, economical. | ||
| I know Green Mountain Grill. | ||
| Go to Green Mountain Grill. | ||
| They have a pretty small one that is only like a few hundred bucks. | ||
| And my mother-in-law has my old one. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're fucking great, man. | ||
| It still works. | ||
| I've had it for years. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that one has a built-in thing. | ||
| It's called the Daniel Boone. | ||
| You know, one thing I took off of your Instagram was the eggs and just throwing the kale on top of it. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| It's a lifesaver. | ||
| I mean, that's such a simple, great morning. | ||
| Oh, it's the best. | ||
| So easy. | ||
| What I do is I take some kale, I chop it up, and then I chop up some garlic, and usually I do jalapenos, too. | ||
| Then I get some butter cooking, I put the kale in the butter, I saute it, and once it really starts getting darker and it's ready to rock, I just crack a few eggs in there. | ||
| On top of it. | ||
| Mix it all up, put it on a plate, and it's fantastic. | ||
| You mix it up. | ||
| They look like they were sunny side up kind of. | ||
| Sometimes I do that too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sometimes I just put the kale right next to the eggs. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But sometimes I cook the eggs in the kale. | ||
| Yeah, I've just been throwing the kale on top of the eggs. | ||
| It's great too. | ||
| It's great too. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Yeah, great too. | ||
| So fast. | ||
| Yeah, super easy. | ||
| The best. | ||
| What's this one? | ||
| Have you tried one of these? | ||
| I have. | ||
| I like those. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| Sous Vide. | ||
| I don't think I have that one. | ||
| I have another one like it. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What you do is you vacuum seal your food in a plastic bag, and then you put it in a pot with water, and then the hot water, the thing will heat up the temperature of the water like 125 degrees. | ||
| My question would be, is the plastic leaching into your food? | ||
| They say it doesn't. | ||
| It's a good question, though. | ||
| But how do we... | ||
| I mean, you can't microwave plastic. | ||
| If it's a certain temperature, maybe the plastic needs to hit a certain temperature to melt. | ||
| Well, they say you should never drink bottles that have been in your car in a hot day in L.A. I was wondering about that recently. | ||
| I was just high and thinking about that. | ||
| Where did that story maybe come from? | ||
| Maybe the glass bottle water people are putting out false... | ||
| Is there a glass bottle water business? | ||
| Yeah, Perrier and all those are all glass bottles. | ||
| Voss. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a whole trend on it. | ||
| I think there's actual science behind it, though. | ||
| I was just wondering. | ||
| I didn't look for it. | ||
| Conspiracy. | ||
| You were high. | ||
| That's what you were saying. | ||
| Seuss Veed is good. | ||
| I have actually a blowtorch that I do with Seuss Veed. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so I do Seuss Veed, and then I cook the outside of it with a torch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you get that brown on the outside. | ||
| I've done that. | ||
| But I don't prefer it. | ||
| I prefer the Traeger style Green Mountain Grill, Yoder Grill, those pellet grills. | ||
| Again, there's a bunch of different companies. | ||
| I'm not trying to endorse one. | ||
| I like Green Mountain Grill. | ||
| My friend John Dudley loves those Traegers. | ||
| But that new Traeger Timberline is pretty revolutionary. | ||
| And it's supposed to be amazing in its ability to insulate. | ||
| I think actually the best one, too, is another one called the Memphis. | ||
| Memphis Grill is supposed to be really good at that, too. | ||
| Someone told me if you have a gas grill, to put a cast-iron pan on it and do your steak that way. | ||
| Yeah, that's a good move. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, to get that seared flavor from a cast-iron pan. | ||
| And it's more even. | ||
| It gets a little more... | ||
| A lot of big time steak restaurants still use cast iron pans. | ||
| Cast iron's pretty badass. | ||
| You know you get iron from it, too? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you really? | |
| You get dietary iron. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, which is crazy. | ||
| You don't really have to clean them. | ||
| It's actually supposed to be good for you. | ||
| It's good to cook even vegetables. | ||
| Cooking vegetables in an iron pan, you get a little bit of iron. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's good for my wife. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| Make sure that's true. | ||
| She's a little low iron. | ||
| I feel like I might be lying. | ||
| No, I think you're right. | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who cares? | |
| I do so many podcasts. | ||
| There's so many things that I've said that are not true. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| I'm not trying to deceive you, folks. | ||
| We're doing our best. | ||
| I'm doing my best. | ||
| I am doing my best. | ||
| Tom Papa, where can these fine people see you perform your wonderful and magical stand-up comedy? | ||
| I'm going to do some shows in Oakmont, Pennsylvania, and a theater in Richfield, Connecticut, and Old Saybrook. | ||
| Go to TomPapa.com. | ||
| I've got a bunch of stuff in June and then starting up again in the fall. | ||
| TomPapa.com. | ||
| And my special's streaming on Hulu and Amazon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
TomPapa.com. | |
| And follow my Instagram if you want bread tips. | ||
| How old is your special now? | ||
| It was about six months ago? | ||
| Five months ago? | ||
| Six months ago. | ||
| And when do you think you'll think about doing another one? | ||
| What kind of schedule are you on? | ||
| I feel like I could start lining it up because I've got about... | ||
| I've got about 35, 40 that's like really solid, filmable stuff. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And, you know, keep working at that pace by the time I set it up and go do it. | ||
| It'll be probably... | ||
| I did it last July is when I filmed it. | ||
| So we're coming up on a year. | ||
| And if I did it probably at like a year and a half... | ||
| To two years, it feels like... | ||
| Two years might be a little long, but it feels like a year and a half will be... | ||
| It'll be ready. | ||
| And I don't put the clock on it. | ||
| It's really like, when is it ready? | ||
| But if I'm already at that point, I feel like I should crank it out. | ||
| Yeah, I'm on the exact same schedule. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of people I talk to have that same opinion. | ||
| It seems to be like, at a year and a half in, you start feeling, this is real. | ||
| This is ready to go. | ||
| Yeah, it takes time. | ||
| You know, and you want it to be... | ||
| I don't want to just eek... | ||
| Across the finish line. | ||
| You want it to be better than the last one. | ||
| Yeah, you want it to be representative of where you feel your stand-up is right now. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You have your great nights. | ||
| It's a matter of getting it so consistent that you get to the ball, like, this motherfucker's ready. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| It's tight. | ||
| It's time to pull the bread out of the oven. | ||
| Right, exactly. | ||
| Get me some pellets. | ||
| And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, ooh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| Hey! | ||
| That's the end. | ||
| Oh, and my podcast. | ||
| May I mention that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| Become a Papa podcast. | ||
| I always forget to turn people on to that. | ||
| The best comics are the worst at self-promotion. | ||
| I know. | ||
| So that's a good thing, my friend. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| So I'm getting worse. | ||
| Are you at the store this weekend? | ||
| Not this weekend. | ||
| I'll be there next week, though. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll see you there next week. | ||
| Sounds good. | ||
| Tom Papa, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| We'll be back next week. | ||
| Thank you, everybody. | ||
| Love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. |
Export Selection