March 14, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:49:37
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Henry Rollins was on the podcast before. | ||
| Three, two, one. | ||
| You have a very specific style of wearing the headphones with like one off to the side. | ||
| And Henry Rollins does the same thing. | ||
| And I said, oh, you're wearing your headphones Jim Norton style. | ||
| I didn't know that you guys had some sort of an altercation. | ||
| How long was this? | ||
| Recently. | ||
| Like, uh... | ||
| A couple months ago? | ||
| Two months ago? | ||
| He didn't say anything. | ||
| Someone else told me online. | ||
| Oh, I thought Henry was still mad about it. | ||
| I'm like, no, that was minor. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Minor. | ||
| Fucking online people. | ||
| They blow everything out of proportion. | ||
| We've talked since then. | ||
| I like him a lot. | ||
| We've interviewed him. | ||
| I think he's great. | ||
| He's an interesting guy. | ||
| Very interesting. | ||
| We were talking comedy one time, and I forget what he was talking about with Richard Pryor on the phone, but he was a little like, oh, you don't know Richard. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| I remember this. | ||
| I vaguely remember it. | ||
| Yeah, he was trying to pretend that you didn't know Richard Pryor, and you're like, maybe one of the biggest Richard Pryor fans of all time. | ||
| Yeah, I love him. | ||
| And it was a silly thing to try to, like, for what? | ||
| Like, there's no valor in knowing Richard Pryor. | ||
| Set himself on fire on purpose. | ||
| There's a weird thing that people do when they pretend that knowing things makes them better than you because you don't know things. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| Like, knowing something is just like, oh, you know about it. | ||
| It's all it is. | ||
| And we also get caught up in where... | ||
| Colin has a brilliant joke about how people, if you learn something from a movie, people are embarrassed to go, I learned that from TV or I learned it from a movie, so they try to act like they read it. | ||
| He's smarter because you read it. | ||
| I hated him for thinking of that great point. | ||
| But you do people feel smarter if they read something. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| My daughter was just telling me that today, that she learned something from an animated movie. | ||
| And she said, that's the weirdest way to learn things ever. | ||
| And I'm like, well, it's really not. | ||
| I go, it's just a thing, you know? | ||
| It's like you can learn things from anything. | ||
| It won't be any different learning it from there than if you hear somebody say it. | ||
| But there's just ways that we think are smart. | ||
| Like, I feel so much smarter if I read something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And just hearing it on TV, I'm like, ugh, I'm a fucking dope repeating what I heard again. | ||
| Well, I have a friend who will get upset if people say they read a book if they actually listen to the audio book. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's like, did you read it? | ||
| Or did you listen to the audiobook? | ||
| I'm like, fuck, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Leave the guy alone. | ||
| I think listening to it's better. | ||
| Well, it's way more productive. | ||
| You can get it done while you're doing stuff, like driving your car or at the gym or whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My focus has gotten so fucked up. | ||
| Like, can you sit down and actually just come through? | ||
| I read a book and then all of a sudden I'm like, I gotta be doing something addictive! | ||
| I can't fucking read a book anymore. | ||
| I hate that I can't. | ||
| My focus is not there. | ||
| I read at night before I go to bed. | ||
| That's what I like to do. | ||
| I like to read and when I start having a hard time paying attention, that's when it's time to crash. | ||
| How long can you read for? | ||
| A couple hours. | ||
| Yeah, I'm good for a couple hours. | ||
| I'm usually good for no more than, say, like... | ||
| Well, if I sat down during the day, I could read for about three hours. | ||
| But at night, I'm good for about two. | ||
| You have that kind of focus? | ||
| Depends on what I'm reading, if it's really interesting. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| Well, I'm reading now. | ||
| It's kind of research. | ||
| It's a book called American Serengeti. | ||
| It's about what the wildlife used to be on the American plains, like, before, in the Pleistocene era, I guess, you know, before the Ice Age. | ||
| It's pretty crazy shit. | ||
| I understood none of those words, except for, like, the American, you said the first part I got, and the rest of it I've never heard of. | ||
| Well, there's this guy that I'm having on the pod, he was supposed to be here last month, we had to reschedule it to next month, but he's a wildlife historian, or a biological historian, I guess he would be. | ||
| I'm not sure which one he would be, but his name is Dan Flores, and he wrote this amazing book about coyotes, about the history of the coyote, and he wrote another book about the history of extinct wildlife in the American Southwest, or the American West. | ||
| And at one point in time, we had all sorts of crazy shit. | ||
| We had cheetahs. | ||
| There was cheetahs, there was lions that were bigger than African lions. | ||
| There was a thing called the short-faced bear, which is this fucking enormous bear, bigger than a polar bear. | ||
| There's a reason why... | ||
| Have you ever seen an antelope, like an American antelope, like a pronghorn antelope? | ||
| Do you know what those are? | ||
| I've seen antelope, but that's only because someone said that's an antelope. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| They could have been lying. | ||
| I mean... | ||
| Well, they're this weird animal that lives in, like, Colorado and Wyoming and New Mexico and a lot of different places. | ||
| It's a strange animal because it runs way faster than anything that can kill it. | ||
| That's it right there. | ||
| And the reason being is because this animal evolved way, way back hundreds of thousands of years ago when there were cheetahs here. | ||
| And there were really fast things that would chase it. | ||
| Like, those fucking things are lightning fast. | ||
| That can outrun a cheetah? | ||
| Well, they can do their best. | ||
| Yeah, they can make a cheater work. | ||
| Yeah, but whereas a deer has no shot. | ||
| A white-tailed deer, if a cheat is going after a white-tailed deer, a cheat is going to get it. | ||
| Did you see the video of... | ||
| I'm such a fruit. | ||
| I go online. | ||
| I like to watch happy animal videos, like baby elephants cuddling. | ||
| I went on a fucking baby elephant YouTube loop, just watching people cuddling with baby elephants. | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| Elephants are amazing. | ||
| They're really fucking smart, man. | ||
| They're not just really smart, but they can remember individual elephants from decades ago. | ||
| They could be separated from their family and not see their family for 20 years, and then they reintroduce them, and when you see the two of them get together again, it's fucking heartbreaking. | ||
| Because you think about the elephants that are in zoos and the elephants that are in the circus. | ||
| You're like, whoa, what are these things? | ||
| They're not stupid. | ||
| They get it. | ||
| There's something wrong. | ||
| Yeah, there's some animals that are... | ||
| Deer are beautiful and everything like that, but they have a very limited cognitive... | ||
| Cognitive function. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Their brain doesn't work that good. | ||
| It's just real simple. | ||
| Like, does anything you want to eat me? | ||
| No. | ||
| Where's the grass? | ||
| Let me eat the grass. | ||
| Anything you want to eat me? | ||
| No? | ||
| Where's the grass? | ||
| One of two thoughts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then time to fuck. | ||
| Once a year, it's time to fuck. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Which is why they have antlers. | ||
| To fight off all the other men and fuck. | ||
| And then the antlers fall off and then they're back to normal shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And people think we're unique getting like Porsches and Lamborghinis. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| That's just fucking nicer antlers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, they have weapons, really. | ||
| They fight each other to the death. | ||
| They kill each other all the time. | ||
| They do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what those things are for. | ||
| Those giant antlers, they're for stabbing. | ||
| They just slam into each other. | ||
| They headbutt each other and they occasionally catch one slipping and they broadside them and go right through the fucking lungs. | ||
| But a lot of times they'll just kind of back off, like, alright, he's got bigger antlers, and he's smashing me a little bit, and I'll fucking... | ||
| It's fun to watch one male animal back off another animal. | ||
| It's so much like human beings. | ||
| A lot of times it's just posturing. | ||
| I'm just gonna show you that I could rip your head off. | ||
| Alright, you'll beat it like hippos. | ||
| They'll bite each other a little bit, and then one's like, alright, fuck it, and leaves. | ||
| I was elk hunting once, and I saw these two elk duke it out. | ||
| These two huge animals. | ||
| They're about a thousand pounds, and they're slamming heads into each other. | ||
| Just running towards each other. | ||
| Bang! | ||
| And head-butting and smashing antlers together. | ||
| And they were so big. | ||
| I mean, these were like enormous elk. | ||
| Both of them were around, somewhere around a thousand pounds. | ||
| And just the force that they generate with their heads just colliding with these antlers. | ||
| All of it just for pussy. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's why I don't think people are so bad to do what we do, because it really is an animal. | ||
| We're chimps, and we're one step beyond, and we just don't do it that way anymore. | ||
| But it's always us fighting to fucking mate when we get laid. | ||
| We do it with gold Lamborghinis and fucking beautiful watches and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or even shows the strength. | ||
| There's guys that do it, you know, just brutal guys who are big and can fuck you up and they get hot girls. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| And then just people at the gym, just wearing little clothes, flexing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Picking up weights. | ||
| It's humiliating. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's like we have a weird sort of... | ||
| Connection to these ancient animals that needed to do that in order to make sure that the women were attracted to the strong genes to stay alive, even though it's not nearly as important anymore. | ||
| It's weird in the gym, too, because I dress like shit. | ||
| Obviously, I can't wear a tank top, and I'd look silly. | ||
| So I wear sweatpants and an old rotten hoodie. | ||
| I really look like a bum in the gym, because I know that I can't compete, so I'm almost going totally the opposite way. | ||
| People wonder what kind of shape I might be in. | ||
| But I know I can't compete on a level of looking good in a gym. | ||
| I'm never going to get laid in a gym. | ||
| Never? | ||
| No! | ||
| You never picked up a girl in a gym? | ||
| I dated a person who trained me. | ||
| I dated when I trained. | ||
| But she knew me. | ||
| It was a personality thing. | ||
| It was never like, wow, this guy's cute. | ||
| I'm going to fuck him. | ||
| It's never worked that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| No, never. | ||
| Never. | ||
| I become friends with them, and then all of a sudden we're fucking like a year later, and they're like, how'd that happen? | ||
| You sneak your way in. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I just personality my way into it. | ||
| And the one girl who I really... | ||
| She's still a really good friend of mine. | ||
| We dated for maybe two months, and I think she's in a different place in life and kind of wanted kids. | ||
| And I'm a fucking perv. | ||
| I just can't do it. | ||
| I mean, I'm not... | ||
| And I know I'm not... | ||
| But I was so attracted to her. | ||
| I wrote a bit about her in one of my, in back on Please Be Offended, I did a bit about following a girl up the steps and looking at her vag in the back of her pants because it was so nice. | ||
| Did you tell it was about her? | ||
| I told her after we had dated. | ||
| She loved it. | ||
| She thought it was really funny. | ||
| She's like, oh my god, that's the greatest. | ||
| She was really a fun person. | ||
| But yeah, I lusted her for so long and then we wound up dating, but I knew her for like a year before we dated. | ||
| When you lust for someone for that long, when you finally get there, It's such a nerve-racking experience. | ||
| You're like trying to hold back the jizz. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, you can't believe it's happening, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, right? | |
| Like, finally. | ||
| I like to come fast, though. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| Because sometimes I'll lose my rod. | ||
| So if I come fast, I won. | ||
| Then I can compliment them. | ||
| See, because the experience, if you lose your heart on, you're like, oh, sorry, whatever, I'm fucked up. | ||
| But if you come quick, it's like, wow, you did great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, I get it. | |
| I'm a mess. | ||
| It's hard for me to let someone else... | ||
| Make me feel good. | ||
| It's really hard to just let someone pleasure me. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I admire people who can. | ||
| I'm so solo with that stuff. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Very difficult. | ||
| What do you think that's from? | ||
| Just compulsion and jacking off and just being a weirdo. | ||
| Just jacking off so much. | ||
| You're like, let me take care of that. | ||
| I got that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Don't bother with that. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I'll do it. | ||
| You know, like when someone's trying to help you fix something, you're like, I got it. | ||
| It's kind of like that. | ||
| But with her, it was fun. | ||
| We didn't date too long. | ||
| I don't like to waste people's time, and I know that I'm not... | ||
| In baby-having mode. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe soon, you know, I wouldn't mind if I like someone. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I kind of want a relationship. | ||
| I've been saying that for like the last few months. | ||
| 15 years? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I've been saying that since I was middling. | ||
| But I want somebody now, like, because it's boring by myself. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Right. | ||
| It's not about sex. | ||
| Getting laid is fairly easy if you have money or you have some kind of personality you can get laid. | ||
| So you kind of want someone to get on a plane with or to watch TV with. | ||
| That's the shit you miss. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Somebody whose opinion you like. | ||
| Someone to hang out with. | ||
| Yeah, a friend. | ||
| Yeah, that's where it gets weird, right? | ||
| But you want sexual, too, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because my openers were typically women, and I hang out with them, and I've never fucked any of them. | ||
| It's never even been an option. | ||
| Like, you know, Kelsey Cook was my... | ||
| And she was just a friend, and we would, like, watch TV with, like, an old couple. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But a non-physical. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I'm like an old queen with my fucking lady friend. | ||
| And so I want that, like, a friend that I hang out with, but someone who I'm also, you know... | ||
| But I don't want to date a comedian. | ||
| I don't think, because it's just, you know... | ||
| Yeah, I would say that too. | ||
| I would say it's just, the odds of it working are so small. | ||
| I mean, it could work. | ||
| Like Tom Segura and Christina Pazitzky. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| It works, and they're both really funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Usually one of them is not funny. | ||
| It's like usually the woman's funny, the guy sucks, or the opposite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And then they sort of glom off each other. | ||
| Yeah, one gets resentful of the other one's career. | ||
| Yeah, that's the case often. | ||
| That's the case often. | ||
| There's always like one breaks through. | ||
| One has something going on and the other one gets bitter. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| And they feel bad getting bitter and then the other one resents them like we're supposed to be partners. | ||
| That's a hard... | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I couldn't do it. | ||
| Well, the only way I could do it is if it was just, like, I guess it would have to be one of those things like you were talking about with your friend, where you were friends with him for a long time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You were friends with her for a year, and then you were both looking for somebody, and you're like, hey, you know, we'll fucking This actually kind of works. | ||
| We know each other really well. | ||
| See, that's one of the things about getting intimate with someone. | ||
| Sometimes people get intimate with people when you barely know them. | ||
| And sometimes it works out great. | ||
| But sometimes you're just opening up a fucking bag of worms. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Ugh. | ||
| And then you realize, oh, you're crazy, and you want to blame me for your entire fucked up life. | ||
| You know when I realize they're crazy? | ||
| When they're fucking sitting in my house with a suitcase because I've flown them in. | ||
| Maybe I should get to know them first. | ||
| I've put a lot of people on planes before, and they're sitting there with an open luggage. | ||
| And it's like, I don't even have to fuck them. | ||
| But it's like, I probably should know that they're not unstable first. | ||
| I think it'd be crazy, completely crazy, and then you're in your house, and you're sleeping, and they're hovering over you. | ||
| Frightening, dude. | ||
| Thinking about putting that pillow over your face. | ||
| I've had a couple where I just, I literally, I'm not kidding, I couldn't sleep, because it was just like, I didn't know the person well enough, and I didn't want to have sex, because that just takes it to another level. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I mean, that's the price you pay when you're a pervert. | ||
| Yeah, or just promiscuous, you know? | ||
| Yeah, just taking a chance. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| I stopped saying I'm a pervert. | ||
| I still say it. | ||
| But I thought to myself, am I a pervert? | ||
| I always think perverts suck. | ||
| I'm like, no, because I don't like victims. | ||
| I don't like drunk chicks. | ||
| At one point in my career, I did. | ||
| But I remember I was on the road, and this girl massaged me. | ||
| And she was so fucking sexy. | ||
| And she stuck her hand in my mouth, which I never thought I would like. | ||
| I never had anybody do that. | ||
| Hannah, in your mouth? | ||
| She was a little dominant. | ||
| And the first time she massaged me, I was naked. | ||
| And she pushed my dick out of the way like it was a disgusting item. | ||
| And it was so hot that she did that. | ||
| But we didn't hook up. | ||
| She just moved my dick like it was an annoying... | ||
| Yeah, beat it. | ||
| And... | ||
| I told her that was one of the sexiest things, and I didn't see her for a year. | ||
| And then we massaged again. | ||
| She understood that I liked dominance, and I kind of liked her feet a little bit, but there was nothing inappropriate happening. | ||
| You kind of liked her feet? | ||
| Yeah, she was barefoot, and I was just trying to check her out. | ||
| And so it was subtly dominant, but she wasn't jerking me off or anything. | ||
| And then she stuck her fucking hand in my mouth. | ||
| It was out of my mind. | ||
| So that's where it started. | ||
| The hand in the mouth was like the first thing? | ||
| Yeah, but that was after the dick thing a while ago, but she just read me. | ||
| Like, you know, people can read you. | ||
| Like, a woman that you like can fucking read you, and they just get it, and it's intuitive, and you don't have to go do this. | ||
| They just kind of do it. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| That's a weird thing to do, though. | ||
| Never, ever occurred to me. | ||
| So it never occurred to you, but once she did it, you thought it was really hot? | ||
| Yeah, her hands were clean. | ||
| It was a little massage oil. | ||
| What did the oil taste like? | ||
| I always wondered. | ||
| I honestly don't remember. | ||
| It might have been coconut or it might have been a scentless. | ||
| It was more the parting. | ||
| I think I just kissed her finger and she just stuck her hand. | ||
| Anyway, I wound up hanging out with her. | ||
| She came to one of my shows. | ||
| And she came with a friend on the early show, and then she came back on the late show, at the end, by herself. | ||
| And she came to my hotel, and she was so drunk. | ||
| And we were fooling around, and I didn't realize how drunk she was. | ||
| I went down on her for a second, and I'm like, she's fucked up. | ||
| You know how you realize in a minute, like, I don't want to be a part of this. | ||
| So I'm like, I don't have sex with her. | ||
| It's just too fucked up. | ||
| And she wanted me to fuck her in the ass. | ||
| And she put her ass up in the air. | ||
| She said, fuck me in the ass. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And when someone is that drunk, it's hard to go like, you're too fucked up. | ||
| Because you were sober. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| You don't drink at all. | ||
| It happened since you were like 19, right? | ||
| Yeah, I quit when I was young. | ||
| So it's like, to me... | ||
| It never turned me on to get someone who's sloppy. | ||
| I don't know what you really want to do. | ||
| I'm not going to chance you coming out of it and feeling like I did something wrong. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| Plus, she was loaded. | ||
| She had actually driven to the hotel. | ||
| I'm like, look, let's just hang out. | ||
| Thank God she got sick. | ||
| It's the only time I've ever been happy to have a girl fucking puke. | ||
| She's like, I'm so fucked up. | ||
| I'm like, oh, it's okay. | ||
| She's apologizing because she's puking. | ||
| I'm like, it's okay. | ||
| And she let me call her an Uber. | ||
| I had to talk her out of taking her car, but she let me get her an Uber home, and that worked out okay. | ||
| Did you get back to her after that? | ||
| No, that was the last night I was in town. | ||
| We still talked after that. | ||
| But I'm so happy I didn't fuck her. | ||
| Because I wouldn't have felt... | ||
| I don't feel good about... | ||
| I don't like somebody who it means too much to them either. | ||
| Like somebody who's like looking at you like, oh, I care for you. | ||
| Like if I don't care back... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Was that the case with her? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| She was just too drunk. | ||
| But I've had that where I think that... | ||
| Sometimes like you know how guys will lie to fuck women will say like yeah, I love you when we don't They'll lie and they'll go. | ||
| I just want sex, but they really want love after it And if I sense that someone is doing that I still feel like I'm a liar if I pretend I don't know what she's doing So I won't do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you you're a sensitive guy. | ||
| You're trying to avoid the bad feels Yeah, I just don't want to be a creep. | ||
| Like, it's not even... | ||
| I don't even think I'm doing anything good. | ||
| It's like, yeah, you're not supposed to fuck someone who's so drunk that she's gonna vomit. | ||
| Like, you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, it's almost like I'm not a good guy for not fucking her, but someone is fucked up if they do. | ||
| It's like, if you know she's, like, that loaded and you're still sticking her ass, it's like, come on, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I think she would do it sober. | ||
| So it's like then I would be fine with it. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But anyway, I don't, I find like I don't like, the older I get, the less I like anyone who's not right here. | ||
| Like in thinking the same way or being, I just don't like a predatory feeling. | ||
| It just never turned me on. | ||
| Yeah, you know what that is, too? | ||
| That's also, like, as you get older, you realize, like, any kind of confrontation, any kind of negative feeling, that stuff ruins your day, clings to you for however long you choose to hang on to it, and any sort of negative interaction that you have with another person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's just bad. | ||
| It's just bad. | ||
| I tell people that all the time when, like, when people start... | ||
| Flame Wars with people online. | ||
| I'm like, look, man. | ||
| What's a flame war? | ||
| Is that just when everybody's talking shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| You're like shitting on people on Twitter. | ||
| I'm like, don't get invested in this. | ||
| Because even if you win, even if you make this person feel terrible, this is going to cling to you. | ||
| I've done it before. | ||
| I know the feeling. | ||
| The insulting thing, and the mean thing, and the negative feelings thing, and any kind of weird confrontation that you have with human beings, where one person walks away from it feeling terrible. | ||
| Like, those things cling. | ||
| They hang on to you, you know? | ||
| And it's most of the time not necessary. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| My problem is I have ego like everybody else, so when someone says something shitty, like as comedians, you just respond because you're used to doing it in a live room. | ||
| But after a while, I'm like, what is the satisfaction? | ||
| Like you said, even if you win, who gives a fuck? | ||
| Yeah, who gives a fuck? | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Wow, I made a guy feel worse than he was trying to make me feel. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not why I got into the business. | ||
| I didn't get into the business to spread joy, but it's like, you know, I'm a comic. | ||
| I'm not here to make people feel shitty. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the best part about a show is when you're killing. | ||
| And the best part about killing is that a whole room full of people feel great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Everybody's laughing hard. | ||
| You see it. | ||
| When you look out in someone's face and you're like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They're crying, laughing. | ||
| That's a positive feeling. | ||
| And when you get in any sort of a negative situation with someone, just as simple as a girl pretending she just wants sex, but she really wants love, and then when she's leaving, she feels bummed out, and then you feel bummed out, and then you get a text from her, like, was that all that it was to you? | ||
| And like, oh, Jesus. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh fucking Christ, you know that all those negative things man as you get older you realize You've sort of date a chunk you sort of add up all the ones that you've had in your life you go up I know what this is. | ||
| I see this coming, right? | ||
| Yeah, so you learn to back off. | ||
| Let's just be friends I don't want a lot of times if someone comes over like I might fuck around with them a little bit But I don't want to put my dick in someone until I've hung with them at least once or twice So they this way if we fool around a little bit and they walk away and they don't feel good like well We didn't fuck like I don't worry buddy. | ||
| I just don't want to be somebody's mistake. | ||
| Yeah Yeah. | ||
| I have been before and I feel shitty about it. | ||
| I never feel good about it. | ||
| Isn't it funny that there's like stages of things you could do? | ||
| Like you hug someone, it doesn't mean anything. | ||
| You could hug a co-worker, you could hug a friend, and I'll hug you. | ||
| It doesn't mean anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| But then there's like hugging and kissing. | ||
| Oh, you took it to another level. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Now you touched lips. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Holding hands. | ||
| Like you can hold hands with a friend and say, it's good to see you. | ||
| It's good to see you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| You could shake hands with someone, and that's just a business transaction. | ||
| Hello, Bob. | ||
| Hello, Mike. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No problem there. | ||
| You know, but when you stick your dick inside someone, oh, things get weird. | ||
| Yeah, it gets a little more connected. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it feels more connected, and they certainly feel more connected to you. | ||
| So, yeah, and if I do it for a shitty reason, I know it, and I don't feel good about it, and I'm like, ugh. | ||
| And when you put your dick in their ass, it's like, whoa, this just got crazy. | ||
| Yeah, this just got great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He just took it to that wild place. | ||
| Like, oh boy. | ||
| I haven't fucked anyone in the ass in so long, dude. | ||
| A couple weeks? | ||
| No, years. | ||
| Years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've just... | |
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| I'm just running out of steam, I guess, as I get older. | ||
| Fucking petering out. | ||
| No, it seems like you're being more considerate as you get older. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| And I agree with your perception. | ||
| I think you're a pervert, but I don't think you're a bad pervert. | ||
| I think what you were saying was that you're not a negative person. | ||
| You're not a creep. | ||
| You're not a mean person. | ||
| I don't think pervert is a bad thing. | ||
| I think it's hilarious. | ||
| You know, like when you start talking about feet or all the weird shit, the girl putting her hand in your mouth, that's a pervert. | ||
| But it ain't a bad part. | ||
| It doesn't make me feel bad. | ||
| I don't think of you in a negative way at all. | ||
| I think it's a positive thing, because you're honest about what turns you on, what you get excited by. | ||
| Yeah, and it helps. | ||
| Google is my friend and my enemy. | ||
| When I'm dating, I really have had many girls Google me, and that's all she wrote. | ||
| It's never good. | ||
| If they don't know me beforehand, I'm finished. | ||
| Because they Google stuff and they find it. | ||
| Or not! | ||
| Then, well, then that's a trooper. | ||
| Then you gotta party. | ||
| You got a great girl. | ||
| If she meets me not knowing anything and Googles and then reads what she can read and goes, oh, wow, this guy's even better than I thought, she's phenomenal. | ||
| But that's very, very rare that that happens. | ||
| It just doesn't happen very often. | ||
| Well, it seems like, though, they would find you, though. | ||
| I mean, there's a spectrum of human beings, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they would find you. | ||
| You're like, well, this is what I'm looking for. | ||
| Yeah, I do get that too. | ||
| It's a very narrowed corridor of people, but the ones who do really show up with their gear packed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, we say narrow corridor of people, though. | |
| I mean, I kind of feel like that's the same way with everybody. | ||
| Really, like when it comes down to like who who's attracted to you and likes you. | ||
| Generally, it is kind of a narrow corridor of people. | ||
| But most of the time you don't find that corridor. | ||
| you know? | ||
| Like, at least with a guy like you, a girl can Google you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, like, some regular guy, like, what are the odds that she's gonna know his sexual proclivities and all the weird shit he's into, and, you know, how open he's been about his relationships on the radio? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Pretty, pretty hard to find. | ||
| I mean, so, you know that Thoreau quote? | ||
| I always bring this up. | ||
| I bring it up too much, I know, folks, if you're listening, but most men live lives of quiet desperation. | ||
| That's a great quote. | ||
| Fuck yeah, it is. | ||
| I listen to that quote all the time. | ||
| I read that quote all the time. | ||
| I think of that quote all the time. | ||
| Because I think it's one of those things that we just do and we don't address. | ||
| Especially if you work in the public sector or you work in business, rather. | ||
| You're a guy who works in an office. | ||
| You're wearing a suit and a tie and you're acting as normal as you can. | ||
| You know, there's a lot of that going on out there where people are pretending to be someone who they're not. | ||
| It's a huge problem. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| One of the things that you're seeing these days, and I wanted to bring this up with you now that you're here. | ||
| Jamie, pull up my Twitter profile. | ||
| There was a tweet that I posted last night that I found this guy got in trouble for a fucking joke. | ||
| And he wound up leaving this company that I think is involved in video games. | ||
| He's been on Dave Rubin's show. | ||
| Dave Rubin was raving about him. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look what this guy wrote. | ||
| Click on the one on the left right there. | ||
| This is what he wrote. | ||
| Ah, peace and quiet, hashtag a day without a woman. | ||
| Just a fucking joke. | ||
| Real simple joke. | ||
| Now, go to the next one, Jamie. | ||
| Look what the fucking International Business Times wrote. | ||
| Kinda funny, Colin Moriarty resigns after targeting women in racist joke. | ||
| Insists it's his personal decision to resign. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Racist? | |
| Is there a race known as women? | ||
| Are women a fucking race now? | ||
| Did you know that a dad joke about women is racist? | ||
| Get some brain surgeons over there at Ivy Times. | ||
| Wow, that's crazy! | ||
| Get some vacancies for real journalists too. | ||
| Click on that quote again. | ||
| Look at this, International Business Times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you! | |
| Why did he resign? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoever this guy is, what is this guy, by Mike Luce's? | |
| Luke's, whatever your name is. | ||
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| That is virtue signaling at its very worst. | ||
| You know that's not a racist joke. | ||
| What you did is you targeted that guy, you went after that guy, and you did it in a very deceptive way. | ||
| If anything, it's just a joke, and you might not like it. | ||
| You might think, well, that's not... | ||
| Really good if you're working in an environment with women. | ||
| You don't want to hear them talk. | ||
| That might be sexist. | ||
| It's a fucking joke. | ||
| And saying that it's racist, that is so fucking deceptive. | ||
| And manipulative. | ||
| At least the guy fought back, though. | ||
| Colin Moriarty, I don't know why he resigned. | ||
| Maybe they were going to fire him. | ||
| What's this guy's article say? | ||
| How does he tie in race with it? | ||
| He has to have some connection. | ||
| Let's go to the article. | ||
| There's no fucking connection. | ||
| It's completely crazy. | ||
| How could there be a connection? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Unless that's a race. | ||
| Unless women are a fucking race. | ||
| It's just crazy that someone would think that it's okay to do that. | ||
| I like that this guy's punching back, though. | ||
| I kind of like that he's not just taking it quietly and apologizing. | ||
| Well, he quit whatever organization that is that he was working for, kind of funny, and just decided. | ||
| And so many people that he was working with shit on him for that joke. | ||
| It's just a goddamn joke. | ||
| Why is everybody so sensitive today? | ||
| And is it that they're so sensitive, or is it that they're super ready to jump down other people's throats because they sense that this is a very hostile environment, and when you tell jokes, people are what... | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Is this it? | ||
| Okay, when you... | ||
| Oh, he updated it? | ||
| And by the way, I don't think it's that people are... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he took down the word racist! | |
| Still fuck you! | ||
| Described as a joke tweeted by Kamala as racist. | ||
| It was not. | ||
| The article has been changed to reflect this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Still fuck you. | |
| Yeah, still fuck you is right. | ||
| Still fuck you. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Just fuck you, man. | ||
| We got a real problem today, that people are jumping down people's throats for jokes, and they're doing it because they sense that there's soft targets, that there's gonna be a pile-on, and they sense the pile-on, they go, oh, this guy made a joke about women. | ||
| Let's get them! | ||
| A bunch of people are gonna be getting them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is a free shot. | |
| It's kicking someone while they're down. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's a drunk girl at the party, and you're sticking it right in her ass. | ||
| It's basically the same thing. | ||
| They're mean. | ||
| No, it's not the same thing as that at all. | ||
| I didn't say that. | ||
| It's the same shitty mentality behind it. | ||
| It's that people, like, people, they don't feel offended. | ||
| They just feel it's a chance to be mean. | ||
| And you can be mean to someone who does something fucked up or says something racist or whatever. | ||
| So, yeah, people are just cunts. | ||
| That joke is every episode of Married with Children. | ||
| It is. | ||
| It's every episode. | ||
| Ah, peace and quiet, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A day without a woman. | ||
| Shut up, ding back. | ||
| Ah, peace and quiet. | ||
| That's it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Peace and quiet. | |
| All in the family. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Every episode of Honeymooners. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| That was the worst. | ||
| To the moon, Alice! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| He was threatening beating her. | ||
| I know, with his fist. | ||
| To the moon, Alice! | ||
| Punching her into interstellar space. | ||
| And it was so great with that, though. | ||
| Literally, people would criticize that, but she was like the first feminist on TV because she won every exchange. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She was always right. | ||
| He was just a big, dumb fatso, and he was always fucking up. | ||
| And he would always get mad! | ||
| And he would always get mad, and she would all, like, the writing in that, the fucking, the emasculating lines she had. | ||
| Some of the best lines, I don't want my salary to leak out! | ||
| Your salary couldn't drip out! | ||
| Oh, what a fucking great line to write! | ||
| Your salary couldn't drip out! | ||
| It was a great show! | ||
| How humiliating! | ||
| And you know what, another thing about that show that was so great about the Honeymooners, There wasn't a lot of previous sitcoms. | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, there was a groundbreaking new thing at the time. | ||
| It was on, I think Cavalcade it was called. | ||
| All the lost ones, some of them are 15 minutes, 20 minutes. | ||
| They were part of a sketch show. | ||
| The Honeymooners was a sketch in an overall show. | ||
| It was like Dice. | ||
| When he started, he was just Dice as a character in Andy Clay's act. | ||
| That's what that was. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it just became this thing which didn't do well. | ||
| And they came back years later. | ||
| But so funny. | ||
| But you can never do that shit today. | ||
| Well, you can't do it all in the family. | ||
| No. | ||
| There's a million movies that you couldn't do. | ||
| You know, I mean, you try watching like older movies. | ||
| What was it that we looked at recently that we were like, there's no way you could do that today. | ||
| There was an old movie that was a really fucking funny movie from like the 90s. | ||
| I don't remember which one it was. | ||
| Tochilla Mockingbird. | ||
| That guy's a bad guesser. | ||
| You probably couldn't do that one either. | ||
| No, it was like one of those... | ||
| Oh, oh, it was National Lampoon's Vacation. | ||
| I'm like, good lord. | ||
| I watched National Lampoon's Vacation, and it's just like, there's no fucking way you could do that movie today. | ||
| I don't remember it. | ||
| I've seen it. | ||
| It was sexist, misogynistic, everything. | ||
| There's no humor. | ||
| Humor has to be, it has to pass these rigid filters now. | ||
| It's not as simple as say something inappropriate, but that's still funny, that you don't necessarily mean. | ||
| One of my favorite comics, and I think one of the greatest of all time, is Roseanne Barr. | ||
| She was very funny. | ||
| I put her as one of the most important comics of all time. | ||
| Because I think that what Roseanne did was, she had that powerful fuck you comedy as a woman. | ||
| And it was really one of the first ever. | ||
| Because women were more sedate, even if they were really good comics like Joan Rivers. | ||
| It was a different sort of style of delivery. | ||
| But Roseanne came out like a hardcore man club comic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and she was shitting on her husband for being a fucking loser and being fat. | ||
| And it was just hard and slamming. | ||
| And I didn't take offense as a man. | ||
| I didn't hear those jokes and go, I can't believe she's shitting on men. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Can't believe she's shitting on men. | ||
| It was just funny. | ||
| We need to stop this. | ||
| This is sexist. | ||
| So this guy saying, you know, ah, peace and quiet. | ||
| Like, I'm sorry, if you're not a yappy cunt, that joke shouldn't offend you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Okay? | ||
| If you're a person who's a great conversationalist and you also happen to have a vagina, that shouldn't bother you even in the slightest. | ||
| And it probably doesn't. | ||
| It's just like, oh, I know that should bother me, so I'm gonna be shitty about it. | ||
| I don't even think people care that much. | ||
| I think they just like to attack other people. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about. | ||
| And that's why fuck you to that guy who wrote that article, and especially fuck you, because he called him a racist. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did that on purpose because he knew it was gonna be clickbait, it was gonna get people to go to that article, and it was gonna get people more excited about it without even reading it. | ||
| Because all they need is the article. | ||
| Most people are so fucking busy, they don't have time to read the whole thing. | ||
| They're so quick to pull the trigger. | ||
| All they need is the title. | ||
| What's the title? | ||
| Oh, that's good enough. | ||
| Fuck him. | ||
| Let's tweet at him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's shame him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you ever interview John Ronson? | ||
| He's great. | ||
| I've talked to him before. | ||
| He's a really interesting guy about shame. | ||
| And I always feel it, so I kind of understand that it's a weird... | ||
| It's like what everybody's afraid of. | ||
| People fight so they don't feel ashamed and have to back off. | ||
| Shame is a fucking amazingly powerful thing. | ||
| The reason guys shoot or go on a shooting spree at work is because they've been shamed because they've been fired or because their wife is asleep with somebody else and there's shame in it. | ||
| It's the worst fucking thing. | ||
| Well, shame is a new thing that people are going after. | ||
| You know, like fat shaming and slut shaming. | ||
| These are like completely new ideas in American culture. | ||
| There was no slut shaming when we were kids. | ||
| You never even fucking heard of it as a concept. | ||
| Yeah, you call a girl a slut and that was it. | ||
| They're saying like, well, girls should be able to be sluts too and they shouldn't be shamed or fat people. | ||
| Hey look, I don't care if you're fucking fat, but if you're sitting next to me and you're taking up more space than you should on a plane, I do have a problem with it because you're making a decision that's fucking me up. | ||
| I don't care if you eat. | ||
| I literally, those people that live in a house that have to be crated out, good for them. | ||
| I don't care if you sit on the toilet forever, knock yourself out. | ||
| It doesn't bother me. | ||
| I'm not going to shame those people, but if you're sitting next to me, I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look, being fat is a shameful thing. | ||
| It just is. | ||
| It brings people shame. | ||
| I mean, that's why there's humor in it. | ||
| That's why when a fat guy takes off his shirt and he doesn't give a fuck, it's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because, like, that guy doesn't give a fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| He's shameless. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, a guy with a big gut and he's rubbing it like Buddha? | ||
| That's where it's funny, right? | ||
| Because this guy's shameless. | ||
| He looks disgusting. | ||
| Whereas you or I would look at that and go, oh, if that was me, I'd be so sad. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| And we admire him because he doesn't give a fuck, too. | ||
| We like the fact that he's like, he's literally, either he doesn't give a fuck, or he's so ashamed of it, he's learned how to own it. | ||
| Yes, yes. | ||
| I think it's a common, both. | ||
| Some people are probably so fucked up by it, they're like, fuck it. | ||
| I'll wear it. | ||
| And other people just don't give a shit. | ||
| There are so many weak, weak, weak men out there that go after people for jokes like that guy, Colin Moriarty, is that his name? | ||
| That made that joke. | ||
| I'm having him on the podcast. | ||
| I reached out to him last night after this. | ||
| I was like, this is so crazy. | ||
| And I looked at all his tweets and all the people that were piling on. | ||
| I'm like, what in the fuck are you guys talking about? | ||
| This is so mild. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Ah, peace and quiet. | ||
| Jesus Christ, that's it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's it? | ||
| That's all it takes? | ||
| All it takes. | ||
| For you to be disappointed with him? | ||
| I mean, there's so many people, people that he worked with piled on. | ||
| What was kind of funny? | ||
| What was that magazine? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't even know what it was. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I never heard about it until last night. | ||
| Somebody tweeted to me that thing, and then he tweeted that at me, that, did you know that it was racist to, you know, to make a joke about women? | ||
| I was like, what is this? | ||
| And then I looked into it. | ||
| I was like, oh my God, this is so crazy. | ||
| What a dick that guy was to put that down. | ||
| I wonder if he thought it was racist or he heard it was. | ||
| How could he possibly? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's so simple. | ||
| It's such a simple joke. | ||
| I mean, there's no room for error there. | ||
| A day without a woman. | ||
| Hashtag a day without a woman. | ||
| And then, ah, peace and quiet. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You see racists there? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Monsters. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| Anti-human monsters. | ||
| They want people to feel pain for almost no reason whatsoever, or they will go out of their way and use any tactic they can. | ||
| If they see that it's, in their eyes, it's legit and it's somehow or another warranted. | ||
| It's that goddamn virtue signaling. | ||
| There's so many weak men out there that virtue signal. | ||
| They're like to attack other men for anything that shows that they're better than that man. | ||
| Yeah, so they get a little pat on the back, a little cyber pat. | ||
| Aren't I good? | ||
| People have been doing it lately politically, too, and it's like, I don't care how people feel about their politics. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| But it's like the obsessive tweeting the same thing over and over. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just want people to go like, wow, this guy really wears this. | |
| Shut up. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I literally, I don't have, and I just, I took it out because I tripped on the punchline. | ||
| In my special, I had a Trump bit, and I was just like, ugh. | ||
| And I fucked up one of the final words. | ||
| There was no way to fix it because I'm just a dope. | ||
| And I literally, I was about to grab the pussy, and I said, grab her pussy. | ||
| Could you, like, voice over it? | ||
| I tried to because I said it earlier in the thing, but I'm like... | ||
| Just take it out. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| It wasn't a swan enough bit anyway. | ||
| It was like, okay, but I'm like, I could do this better, but I'm not just saying something cheesy and, you know, cheesy and fucking, you know, donk over the head. | ||
| Sometimes when I'm doing a bit, like, about something that's real current events like that, like, I am on stage literally searching for the words as I'm saying them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, I'm hoping that a new word will come out or a new angle will come out or a new... | ||
| A new perception. | ||
| Like, I'll be able to see an angle of it that I didn't see before. | ||
| And then, you know, sometimes you've got to realize also that bits only have humor in them because they're current. | ||
| Yeah, they hit people immediately. | ||
| And they, oh, yeah! | ||
| That guy! | ||
| Can't believe he did that. | ||
| When you have to start going, remember what... | ||
| They're like, no, we don't... | ||
| Unless it's fucking genius. | ||
| Like, there are some remember ones that you could pull out. | ||
| But, you know, it all, like, I feel like every bit or every idea, not even necessarily just with jokes, but any subject they could talk about, like, these subjects have energy to them. | ||
| And when a subject doesn't have the energy to it, it just doesn't. | ||
| And you could try to juice it up and jazz it up. | ||
| But I remember there was a guy... | ||
| That's a good way to put it. | ||
| That's a really good way to put it. | ||
| Because sometimes I've never been able to put the words on why does all of a sudden something, like it's no longer topical. | ||
| That's a great way to phrase it. | ||
| It doesn't have energy around it, like in the room. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because it's kind of on everybody's mind. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| Like last night, yesterday we were doing a podcast, and we got to the subject of Brexit and leaving Britain, and I could feel the energy in the podcast drain, because I didn't really give a fuck about the subject anymore, and it's kind of a tired subject, and it's just been beaten down so many times. | ||
| It just seemed like there was no energy in it. | ||
| It just seemed like, ugh. | ||
| Maybe if I lived in England, it would be different. | ||
| Maybe if I was over there experiencing the pros and cons of Brexit. | ||
| But to me, it was like... | ||
| Ideas have, but we were talking about artificial intelligence, the potential of artificial intelligence taking over the human race, and that one charges me up, and that one gives me like, oh, this subject has energy to it. | ||
| This is a subject. | ||
| There's things that have, they have a something to them, like an overall mass to them. | ||
| Well, the word I'm going to use should make people want to smack my face. | ||
| But some things have explorability. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I know I'm a complete cunt for saying that. | ||
| I acknowledge it. | ||
| No, it's a good word. | ||
| But, like, Brexit, you kind of explore and it's done. | ||
| But, like, artificial intelligence, you can always... | ||
| It doesn't feel like you're walking into a room that's already been searched. | ||
| Like, a lot of times you walk into the room and it's like, I've looked in this room, I've opened every door. | ||
| There's really nothing new in here. | ||
| And it's boring. | ||
| And the audience feels it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| So, yeah, that's what it is. | ||
| But artificial intelligence is always... | ||
| Yeah, I like dogs. | ||
| Do you like cats? | ||
| I don't understand people who like cats. | ||
| There's only so many times someone can say that until you're like, oh my god, I can't do this anymore. | ||
| Exactly, I don't care about either one of them. | ||
| Yeah, I'm done. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| People, I've been riding the idea of liking meaty pussies since fucking 1990, so it's time to step forward. | ||
| I've always been a meaty pussy fan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah, I like the bat lips, back wings. | ||
| I just don't understand why people don't. | ||
| They wrap around your dick. | ||
| It's like an extra gripper. | ||
| Yeah, I like that a lot, too. | ||
| I'm so happy. | ||
| I was just kidding by saying that. | ||
| I didn't know you liked that B.M. No, I am. | ||
| And I was talking to this woman who was explaining to me how women watching porn gives him a fucked up self-image because a lot of those women have labia surgery. | ||
| Oh, I hate those labioplasty doctors. | ||
| I hate them. | ||
| The worst. | ||
| It's just so crazy that you would remove pussy skin. | ||
| Like, because they don't want their pussy to look, like, ragged. | ||
| They don't want it to be, like, hanging out. | ||
| No, your pussy's never too big. | ||
| Like, literally, you say, my pussy's too big. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because sometimes when I'm putting my shoe on, my heel gets caught in it. | ||
| Then it's maybe too big. | ||
| If you trip over it while you're jumping rope. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If it gets stung by the leather rope. | |
| Yeah, if it dangles like wasp legs. | ||
| It comes too big. | ||
| Wasp legs! | ||
| But yeah, I hate that too. | ||
| It drives me crazy. | ||
| That's why I talk about it because it's fun to joke about. | ||
| But women always will email me like, I love that you like that because I've been so self-conscious. | ||
| I'm like, please. | ||
| I just don't know why it would be a bad thing. | ||
| I've never understood why it's a bad thing. | ||
| I don't either. | ||
| Because some guys don't like it, though. | ||
| Some guys like that neat little... | ||
| Me and Anthony should talk about that. | ||
| I like a tight little package. | ||
| You know, Ant's a fucking meat and potatoes guy. | ||
| He wants them naked and a tight little package. | ||
| That's how he likes them? | ||
| That's how he likes them. | ||
| Anthony might like them a little young, too. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he might like it neat for other reasons. | ||
| He hasn't had time to. | ||
| Yeah, he might like them fresh out of the box. | ||
| Yeah, he also enjoys green bananas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| LAUGHTER He likes to pick the coconut off the tree. | ||
| He really does. | ||
| And hack it open with a machete. | ||
| Yeah, but it was so funny to talk to a guy who was so opposite me in like that. | ||
| But I almost wish I was like that. | ||
| I think that's a simpler thing. | ||
| Not simpler. | ||
| It's just an easier thing to find than to have these weird little quirks. | ||
| So you get bummed out if a girl's pussy is nice and tight and trimmed up? | ||
| No, because usually by that point there's something in her personality I like or there's something about her scent that I like. | ||
| It's like buying an apartment. | ||
| You pick your back. | ||
| Like, okay, I want it to be in a good location. | ||
| I want it to have a doorman, but I want it to have outdoors. | ||
| You're going to get two of those three things. | ||
| That's how it is when you're dating. | ||
| What if you were dating a girl and she looked like she's got good bone structure. | ||
| She's thick, almost like Eastern European. | ||
| She's got big hands. | ||
| You're like, wow, this girl's got to have a meaty pussy. | ||
| And you get down there and you see scars. | ||
| It's happened. | ||
| She's got it trimmed up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| I don't know if you'd see them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You wouldn't? | |
| No, I think they do a good job. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But if a woman ever told me she had it... | |
| Yeah, you look at it like a jeweler. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One of those monocles, like Bud from the improv. | |
| LAUGHTER Bud Friedman? | ||
| What the fuck are those monocles for? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What was the deal with that? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They were needed at one point in history, I guess, and people just think it looks smart. | ||
| Do you think it's just for reading? | ||
| Like, when people needed to read things? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Like, why would you want to have something and hold it in your eye? | ||
| Like, one thing like that. | ||
| I really don't know the thinking of it. | ||
| It looks really uncomfortable, and I don't know. | ||
| I would love to know the history of the monocle now. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
| Bud Friedman used to put that fucking thing in his eye and go on stage every time he did Evening at the Improv. | ||
| He thought it was a good thing to have a monocle in his eye. | ||
| Probably after a while, it's like a muscle, like that little thing in your cheek. | ||
| It probably just holds it there naturally. | ||
| It's like when you have contacts or reading glasses. | ||
| I had my $25 reading glasses. | ||
| I just can't fucking. | ||
| I gotta go back to glasses. | ||
| It stinks. | ||
| 48, my eyes are going. | ||
| Yeah, my eyes are fucked. | ||
| Are you near or far? | ||
| Only near. | ||
| I see you crystal clear, but when I read, I put these fuckers on. | ||
| Are they a prescription? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, they are, but I didn't go to a doctor. | ||
| I just went to look at the charts and found out what it was. | ||
| That's what I gotta do, because I bought like literally a $25 pair downstairs at CVS. They didn't work? | ||
| No, they're fine, but I don't think they're good enough. | ||
| Because then I look up and it's like my face is in gauze. | ||
| I'm like, I gotta get one of the fucking... | ||
| I gotta pull them off. | ||
| They'd probably fuck with your eyes if they're not the correct way. | ||
| That's why I don't want to make my eyes worse. | ||
| Because I had LASIK back, I guess, I don't know, 10 years ago. | ||
| But that's starting to not work anymore. | ||
| But when you got LASIK, was it for nearsightedness or farsightedness? | ||
| I can't see far away, so it was nearsighted. | ||
| No, that's farsighted. | ||
| I can't see far away. | ||
| Right, isn't that how it works? | ||
| Yeah, nearsighted. | ||
| I couldn't see far away, but now it's the reading. | ||
| It's just farther and farther away, so I just got the reading glasses. | ||
| I have a friend who's an ophthalmologist, and he said that's just one of the things that happens as you get older. | ||
| Your eyes just don't focus the same way as they used to. | ||
| I had a doctor tell me you're supposed to live, my ENT, the guy who did my sinus surgery, he goes, yeah, the human body is designed to live 40-something years, and everything else is just science and medicine, so we break down, and that's what happens. | ||
| That's why your eyes go, that's why cancers happen. | ||
| He was just saying that these are all part of just natural, when you're born, you're not designed to live. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| 80 years. | ||
| Goddammit. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Well, you are, but the last 20 are supposed to suck. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Oh, they're terrible, yeah. | ||
| Supposed to get to the point where when you're on your deathbed, you're like, finally. | ||
| Yeah, can't wait for this to happen. | ||
| Get this over with. | ||
| Yeah, I don't want to die. | ||
| I've been thinking about that a lot lately. | ||
| Like, I really resist the idea of it. | ||
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| But do you enjoy life? | ||
| Yeah, much more now. | ||
| Much happier. | ||
| Much happier. | ||
| Because of when? | ||
| You know, in the last couple of years, I mean, I'm doing the show with Sam now. | ||
| Me and Sam Roberts have a show together, which has been a lot of fun. | ||
| It feels like you're starting a new thing. | ||
| So whenever you get to reset, like, okay, I'm doing a new thing now. | ||
| It feels... | ||
| Yeah, it sounds like you guys are having a good time. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We really are. | ||
| And just with doing other stuff with work, I just feel kind of more grateful than I have in a while. | ||
| Like, what the fuck? | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Stop being upset. | ||
| Fucking idiot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, things are really good. | ||
| And when I fall into feeling bad, I know it's just because I'm addicted to feeling bad and it's bullshit. | ||
| Well, we have such a fucking great job. | ||
| When you talk to a person who has a regular job, and they, you know, complain about their job, and then you think about, like, the complaints that you have with being a comic, it's like, goddammit, so minimal. | ||
| I had a complaint about it. | ||
| I had, like, a legit complaint. | ||
| About, um, whatever the Australian, the Qantas went to Australia. | ||
| They fucked me. | ||
| And I was annoyed. | ||
| They just, the connection didn't wait, even though it was a Qantas plane that was late. | ||
| And I arrived, and my manager was on the plane waiting for me, and they just wouldn't let me on. | ||
| He's like, yeah, we already put the paperwork in. | ||
| They would just be in cocks. | ||
| And they flew me to somewhere else. | ||
| It was just a dick move. | ||
| So I'm complaining about it online. | ||
| But people, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| They're like... | ||
| Even though it's a legit complaint, they're like, fuck you, you're flying all over the world in business class, shut up! | ||
| And they're kind of right, like, it's a luxury problem. | ||
| It's a problem of, okay, that's not right the way they did it, but that's not a bad problem to have in life. | ||
| It's so minor in comparison to most things that people go through. | ||
| You know, when you really stop and think about how many people work jobs that they fucking hate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's probably 80% of the people. | ||
| I mean, it's probably close to 80. Well, you said the office before and the things with the women and Googling. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't, if you're an accountant, you can't walk in as an accountant and go, oh my God, I massaged last night and she stuck her feet in my face and they were clean but stinky. | ||
| There's going to be 12 people that go, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They'll get rid of you. | |
| They'll fire you. | ||
| Human resources will pull you into the office. | ||
| Jim, I'm going to read from a transcript. | ||
| You tell me if this is not something that you said. | ||
| Someone stuck their feet in my mouth last night, and they were clean but stinky. | ||
| It was awesome, and I jerked off under my shirt. | ||
| That's not what I said. | ||
| I said she put them on my face, and they were clean but stinky. | ||
| Not in the mouth. | ||
| I didn't suck them. | ||
| I wanted them clean... | ||
| But, you know, in our jobs, we get to discuss anything. | ||
| And it's so much fun to just vomit it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people like it because they relate to it, but it could be a lot worse. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Way worse! | |
| So I think of that a lot. | ||
| Like, I do a fun... | ||
| I love... | ||
| I like doing the podcast with Matt. | ||
| I love Matt Serra. | ||
| He's a fun guy. | ||
| You know, he's just the most genuine guy I've probably known in years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| How often do you guys do UFC uncensored, right? | ||
| How unfiltered? | ||
| How many? | ||
| Tuesday, Thursday. | ||
| Monday, Wednesday we tape. | ||
| And it's just fun to sit with a guy. | ||
| Monday, Wednesday you tape? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| We tape the day before it comes out. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| For whatever reason. | ||
| That's just the way they schedule it. | ||
| Why don't you just do it live? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would be happy to do it live, but that was just... | ||
| Is that the UFC's idea? | ||
| You know, I don't know. | ||
| I'm guessing they are the bosses, so it's probably them more than digital. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Who do you talk to when you do that? | ||
| If I have a problem or a question, I'll ask Craig. | ||
| I try not to bother Dana with stuff. | ||
| But if there's a legit question, I'll have to ask Dana something. | ||
| But who do you coordinate with when you find out your schedule of who's going to be on the show? | ||
| We have a booker. | ||
| And I'll talk to our producer, who really is a great dude, and he's very organized and a great prep guy. | ||
| But if there's something that I think, like, hey, I would like to have this better, or I would rather we should have this guest on, they're in New York, then I'll maybe ask the UFC booker, or I'll ask Craig or somebody like that if they can help. | ||
| And when someone comes up, when you have an idea of a guest, you can bring it up to them and they can book it? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Yeah, we just needed a booker and we have someone now who's really helping out. | ||
| Like, I was... | ||
| But do you have to run it through, like, the UFC? Like, say if you wanted to have somebody on, do you have to run it through anybody? | ||
| The producer, Chris, Matt's always teased him, Chris the producer! | ||
| But he's like a guy who's a little nervous. | ||
| He doesn't want to get fired. | ||
| And I'm like, Chris, they're fine if we have a comedian on or a guest. | ||
| He likes to check it out. | ||
| I don't think we need to. | ||
| But it does help. | ||
| I wanted Francis Ngannou. | ||
| I fucking love Ngannou. | ||
| He's one of my favorite people. | ||
| And they pitched him for our radio show in the morning. | ||
| I was like, we'll talk to him, even though it's going to be hard because I don't know how well he speaks English. | ||
| But we actually did the UFC podcast a different day just so we could have him in. | ||
| So he was great. | ||
| That's the fun part is you can get people you want to talk to. | ||
| Yeah, how bad is his English? | ||
| I mean, I've only talked to him in post-fight interviews. | ||
| He did not bring an interpreter with him. | ||
| We did Fedor twice years ago, and that was rough, going through a woman Patrice was in. | ||
| It was really a fun interview, but... | ||
| Yeah, I don't think that's... | ||
| He spoke no English. | ||
| Yeah, that's not worth it, going through an interpreter, because you also don't know whether or not they're interpreting accurately. | ||
| I've had people say that... | ||
| I'll interview someone after a fight, and then someone who actually speaks the language will say that interpreter fucked up everything, like they got it all wrong. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That happens. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so. | ||
| So we didn't want to do that, but he just brought someone with him. | ||
| He was nice. | ||
| That was kind of fun. | ||
| That guy's fucking scary. | ||
| He's scary, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| I think he's the one to fight. | ||
| I'm surprised he's number six over Derek Lewis. | ||
| It's in the neighborhood. | ||
| I mean, him and Derek Lewis are definitely in the neighborhood. | ||
| I would give Derek the nod because Derek has beat more top ten competition. | ||
| He beat Roy Nelson. | ||
| You know, Derek just beat Travis Brown by KO. That's a big, big victory for him. | ||
| Yeah, I would rank Derek. | ||
| Boy, he's fun to listen to. | ||
| Derek's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah, he's a fun dude, man. | ||
| His fucking Instagram is hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some of the shit that he puts on Instagram, you're like, oh my god. | ||
| Like, this guy's pushing the fucking envelope. | ||
| There's something about... | ||
| I don't know if it's because he did time in jail, but there's just something about it that just those guys are like, ugh, I've seen such a worse part of life. | ||
| This is just... | ||
| I can only guess what the... | ||
| It seems like there's a different mentality when you go to jail and come out. | ||
| What did Derek do time for? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It was a three and a half year. | ||
| We talked to him about it, but I don't know if we got into why he was in jail. | ||
| It might have been a parole violation for drugs. | ||
| He was just going down like a road, I think. | ||
| Three and a half years, huh? | ||
| I believe he did three and a half years, yeah. | ||
| It's a long time. | ||
| He's an interesting guy. | ||
| He's getting a lot better, man. | ||
| In the beginning of his career, he was kind of a brawler. | ||
| And then somewhere around the time when he fought Roy Nelson, I noticed he's putting these combinations together and he's got crazy endurance. | ||
| And then I saw an interview with him where he was talking about the strength and conditioning workouts he's doing now, and he realized, look, I've got to have a gas tank. | ||
| Like, he could put it on these dudes and hit him and hurt him, then he'd run out of gas, and he realized, yes, I have a gas tank. | ||
| And now that he has that gas tank, you're seeing these incredible performances. | ||
| Yeah, because most guys can keep you going through a round if they know that you might run out of energy. | ||
| They can at least, they can keep you away for enough time to fucking capitalize on that. | ||
| Travis Brown, I was surprised that he lost that fight, because he was doing really well. | ||
| Yeah, Travis had him hurt. | ||
| I've never seen anybody hold their stomach and like Derek Lewis got kicked in the stomach. | ||
| It's very funny because he said he had to shit. | ||
| But he got kicked and he actually turned and ran. | ||
| I've never seen anybody actually display like, fuck, I don't want to get hit there again. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| Matt Brown's done it a couple of times. | ||
| It was also Drago Pete Sell fought Nate Quarry. | ||
| Is that who it was? | ||
| I think it was. | ||
| No, Scott Smith. | ||
| Yeah, Scott Hands of Steel Smith. | ||
| Drago hurt him to the body, and he moved in for the kill, and Scott knocked him out with one punch. | ||
| He came rushing in because Scott grabbed his body, and then as Drago was moving in, Scott knocked him out with one punch, and then literally fell to the ground himself in agony, holding his side. | ||
| It's like one of those Rich Franklin Liddell things. | ||
| Literally, if the round just ended, I think he broke his arm and he would have won the fight. | ||
| You've got to look back on that and go, why didn't I just avoid that fucking... | ||
| I was doing so good. | ||
| Well, Chuck just had that crazy style. | ||
| His style was always kamikaze. | ||
| It was kill or be killed. | ||
| Just such a banana style. | ||
| So fun to watch, but man, you would never teach a fighter that. | ||
| You would never teach a guy to fight like that. | ||
| You would teach a guy to fight Mighty Mouse style. | ||
| You would never say, hey, fight like Chuck Liddell. | ||
| I'd rather watch Chuck fight, even though, you know, you watch Mighty Mouse, like, the guy is just perfect, you know, but I just, you know, I just like watching somebody throw giant fists and fucking knock people out, because that's what I want to be. | ||
| Like, if I could be a guy, in life, it's probably better off to be Mighty Mouse. | ||
| He's probably a more responsible fellow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Probably a more polite fellow. | ||
| But, you know, who do I want to be? | ||
| I'd rather be Liddell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Just a guy that walks in, he's looking to fuck somebody or knock somebody out. | ||
| That's just a fun guy. | ||
| Tattoos on his head, mohawk. | ||
| Fucking animal. | ||
| Crazed look in his eye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You look at him and you know what he does for a living. | ||
| Mighty Mouse might be an accountant. | ||
| You don't know what he does for a living. | ||
| But Chuck, you're like, he absolutely has to do this for a living. | ||
| Yeah, it's in the neighborhood. | ||
| He's a scary dude. | ||
| He is. | ||
| But there's a lot of those. | ||
| He came to the improv. | ||
| I didn't even know him that well years ago. | ||
| Dana brought him into the improv and he's heckling me. | ||
| I was on stage being here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you fucking handle this? | |
| What did you say? | ||
| I played with him a little bit because we knew each other casually, but I was like, what are you doing? | ||
| Liddell is heckling you. | ||
| Because you never know how somebody is really going to take, you know, when they're drinking a little. | ||
| Some people have a bad reaction. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want a bad reaction. | ||
| No. | ||
| But afterwards we were chatting. | ||
| He's such an alpha guy. | ||
| He doesn't even mean to do it. | ||
| I was talking to him in the hallway. | ||
| His arms are wide. | ||
| He's like... | ||
| He fucking leans in. | ||
| But he's being lovely. | ||
| But people walking by are like, what the fuck is happening? | ||
| Because it looks like he's putting you down and telling you to put you in your fucking place. | ||
| But he's not. | ||
| He's just having a fun chat, leaning in with his giant arm. | ||
| It's a really fun thing to watch. | ||
| I could see people looking... | ||
| They're scared. | ||
| They just thought something unpleasant was happening, and I'm like, no. | ||
| I'm just smiling bigger so they know I'm okay. | ||
| It's like when you see a big dog in the room, people just go, oh, Jesus. | ||
| Is that a friendly dog? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Whose dog is that? | ||
| I want to take it, man. | ||
| I listen to so many guys that do jujitsu, and I want to do it so badly. | ||
| Why'd you do it? | ||
| Because my cardio is so bad. | ||
| Matt took me down to Henzo's, and I loved it. | ||
| I walked in, I just liked the atmosphere. | ||
| But I'm too tired. | ||
| I know it sounds like such a pussy thing, but I have apnea and I don't sleep and I'm fucking exhausted all the time. | ||
| Yeah, but you just start doing it and you'll get better. | ||
| Yeah, maybe I will. | ||
| You're on a certain level in the beginning and everybody's level is different. | ||
| If you came in, you were like a world-class gymnast and you were really good at wrestling in high school, you'd be at a higher level when you started. | ||
| But everybody starts somewhere, you know, and you just keep getting better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, Bourdain started at 58. I actually, you know, it's funny. | |
| I asked him, because I know he started, like, late. | ||
| And I'm like, do you like it? | ||
| He's like, I fucking love it. | ||
| Like, he's addicted to it. | ||
| So it makes me kind of want to... | ||
| He's a weird guy, man. | ||
| I never would have thought that. | ||
| The heroin addiction? | ||
| Well, the heroin addiction, I think, is indicative of the same thing that's leading him to jiu-jitsu addiction. | ||
| I think he's just a crazy, impulsive guy. | ||
| And not in a bad way. | ||
| It's not insulting in any way. | ||
| Because that crazy, impulsive thing, it also doubles up as passion. | ||
| You know, like the way the guy loves food, the way the guy loves culture, the way the guy loves music, the way the guy loves anything. | ||
| Man, when he and I, we did this episode of his show, A few months ago when we went pheasant hunting and we talked jiu-jitsu, like he fucking loves it so much. | ||
| We were down in the dirt, like on the ground in Montana, and we're going over positions. | ||
| Like I was explaining certain parts of this, like a lot of times when guys are going for the darts, you get stalled up here, but here's another option. | ||
| We were going over stuff and like he was fucking soaking it in, man. | ||
| You know, there's guys that like kind of like jiu-jitsu and then there's guys that I start talking to and I'm like, oh, this guy's balls deep. | ||
| He's all in. | ||
| Well, that's another reason I want to take it. | ||
| A, it's for self-defense reasons and because I talk about it. | ||
| I want to experience it. | ||
| And there's also so many great people I know that I could ask questions to. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's almost like when you know all these people who are great at it. | ||
| Well, Matt Serra, you know, people don't give that guy the respect he deserves. | ||
| I don't think people remember. | ||
| But at one point in time, Matt was one of the best Brazilian jiu-jitsu competitors in the world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He beat Jean-Jacques Machado by decision. | ||
| I mean, it was by decision, but he beat Jean-Jacques when Jean-Jacques was in his prime. | ||
| When Jean-Jacques had won Abu Dhabi, and Jean-Jacques is submitting everybody. | ||
| Submitted Sakurai, submitted some of the best guys in the world. | ||
| You know, Matt Serra was a fucking beast, man. | ||
| He was one of Henzo's first black belts in America. | ||
| Was he? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, he was super respected as a jiu-jitsu competitor before he ever got into the UFC. And, you know, the problem, Matt, in some ways, is kind of cursed. | ||
| With the fact that he has heavy hands. | ||
| He hits really hard. | ||
| So Matt wind up, you know, knocking a lot of guys out, like knocked out GSP, knocked out Frank Trigg. | ||
| But Matt's jiu-jitsu was better than like 99% of the people that have ever competed in MMA. He loves it so much. | ||
| It's fun when you talk to him and he talks about he has to roll. | ||
| He loves it so much it makes you want to do it. | ||
| Well, for him, it's fun. | ||
| He's strangling people every day. | ||
| Yeah, that would be fun. | ||
| He's not the nail. | ||
| He's the fucking hammer. | ||
| I would probably be in a much different position. | ||
| I would probably have a much different feeling about him. | ||
| He definitely would at first. | ||
| But it's just one of those things where the moment you get your first tap out, you'll be so addicted. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| It's so fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But do you immediately start, and I'm such a fucking complaining, but I have tendinitis, and I couldn't work out for a year. | ||
| I could only do legs and cardio. | ||
| So I have this terrible... | ||
| What's wrong with your... | ||
| I had tendinitis, and it was like literally, I think from doing pull-ups, or doing the kettlebells wrong. | ||
| And I just, I literally, my arm was in such pain, I couldn't do anything with my arms for a year. | ||
| That was when I lost all that weight. | ||
| I was fucked up. | ||
| I was like, I'm never going to get fat again. | ||
| And I went on this Whole30 diet, and I stuck to it for like eight months. | ||
| What's a Whole30 diet? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was pretty good. | |
| You don't feel like you're eating unhealthy. | ||
| A lot of egg whites and common sense with carbs. | ||
| You could eat a baked potato and some fruit. | ||
| They didn't say, don't eat this. | ||
| It was just very strict. | ||
| Certain nuts, no beans on this shit. | ||
| And I dropped a ton of weight and I was doing all cardio. | ||
| I'm just afraid of reinjuring my arm and not being able to work out. | ||
| Yeah, you can't think like that. | ||
| If your arm's not hurt, your arm's not hurt. | ||
| One of the things that happens when you get injured, you start thinking of your body as like a race car. | ||
| Like you blow a tire. | ||
| You're like, oh, got to get that tire fixed. | ||
| I've had quite a few surgeries and a bunch of injuries that I didn't have to get surgery on. | ||
| I just had to let them heal up. | ||
| It's so fun that you have a different way of looking at your body. | ||
| You start thinking of your body as a utensil or a tool instead of just as your body. | ||
| I mean, you think of it as your body as well, but if I break something or hurt something, I go, ah, fuck, I've got to fix this thing. | ||
| I don't think of it as like, oh my god, I can't do this again, because if I get more tendonitis on this elbow, then my elbow will always be in pain. | ||
| I don't think like that. | ||
| I think, how do I fix this thing? | ||
| Where do I gotta go? | ||
| Who's the doctor? | ||
| Luckily, I work for the UFC, so I'll talk to Dr. Davidson, and I'll say, hey man, what can we do about this? | ||
| Like, what do you recommend? | ||
| And he'll say, well, he's on the cutting edge. | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| He's actually part of this team that has started injecting stem cells into discs, which is this radical new procedure where they've been using stem cells to regenerate tissue for a long time. | ||
| And stem cells work amazing, by the way, on tendonitis. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It heals it up. | ||
| It's incredible. | ||
| I did cortisone, which I know is not recommended. | ||
| I only did it once. | ||
| And someone told me, just do it once and you're okay, but don't keep doing it. | ||
| I did it once and it actually really helped and I didn't do anything and it actually fixed me a little bit. | ||
| Well, that's good. | ||
| Well, it certainly will help take away some of the pain, but it's dangerous because it masks that pain, and a lot of times guys, like, they injure themselves badly because they don't feel that pain. | ||
| Like, Bas Rutten. | ||
| Bas Rutten chewed his fucking knees to pieces because he got cortisone shots in him when they were already damaged. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He just pushed through it like an animal. | ||
| You know, but my point is like what they're able to do now is they can shoot these stem cells They take fetal stem cells they get from a woman's placenta after she gives birth She they take like a woman who gives birth by cesarean section. | ||
| They take out the placenta They extract stem cells from this placenta and then inject them directly into injuries. | ||
| You fucking heal It's it regenerates tissue regenerates meniscus regenerates all these different types of tissue can basically form anything that's injured Soft tissue, muscle, any tendons, anything that's injured, it can regenerate. | ||
| But they're now doing it on discs. | ||
| Which is crazy because when you have disc degeneration, what happens is your body through poor posture, exercise, abuse, trauma, whatever, your discs get compressed. | ||
| They wind up pushing on your nerves and they usually do what's called a disectomy. | ||
| They come in, they cut a piece of the disc away. | ||
| Usually it gets worse, and some people either have to get that disc removed, and then they either get it replaced with an artificial one, like Eddie Bravo got it replaced with an artificial one, or they will actually fuse the bone together, which is very problematic. | ||
| It puts stress on the upper and the lower portion of the disc. | ||
| Now what they're going to do is start injecting stem cells directly into the disc, and the disc will regenerate and pump up. | ||
| So you'll be able to... | ||
| In theory, at least, get your discs back to where they were when you were 18. So a little injection of stem cells into this right arm? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| But it's not hurting you now, right? | ||
| No, but I notice it when I do certain things. | ||
| It's almost like I feel it going, hey, hey, hey. | ||
| It's just the beginning of it, and I know where it goes. | ||
| I would say lift weights. | ||
| I do, but not a lot. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, you don't have to do a lot, but just lift weights and progressively build it up and listen to it. | ||
| If you feel pain, put some ice on it. | ||
| But weight lifting, it seems counterintuitive, but one of the things that a lot of people have found is that even Olympic lifting, like Heavy power lifting, cleans and squats and deadlifts and things along those lines, actually helps joint pain because it strengthens up all that tissue and strengthens up all the stabilizing muscles, strengthens up all the ligaments and tendons. | ||
| Yeah, I do lift, and it's not a lot, but I can't do much. | ||
| I get too tuckered out. | ||
| You can tuck her down. | ||
| My trainer wants to fucking spit on me. | ||
| I'm always like, I'm tired. | ||
| I'll walk in and let her know what kind of shape I'm in. | ||
| I'm really honest about it. | ||
| If I feel okay, but if I'm having my days where I'm feeling stoned... | ||
| You just gotta deal with it. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| You gotta push through. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| You and I actually do a show where I take you to the fucking gym every day and we just get crazy. | ||
| I would like to. | ||
| I pump you up with caffeine. | ||
| I would try that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're one of these caveman coffees. | ||
| These fuckers have 270 milligrams of caffeine. | ||
| I'll give you two of these, bitches. | ||
| And then some Alpha Brain and some Shroom Tech Sport. | ||
| And just going there like a goddamn wild man. | ||
| Dress me in some hot pink satin shorts and let me lose them. | ||
| Scrunchy socks like from... | ||
| What was that movie? | ||
| She's a maniac. | ||
| Oh, that's not... | ||
| Flashdance. | ||
| I was going to say Fast Dance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Flash dance. | ||
| I always hated that part of the song that goes... | ||
| Remember that part? | ||
| Then it goes... | ||
| I fucking hated that song. | ||
| That part bothers you? | ||
| Yeah, I hated it. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| There's certain things, like certain songs where they clap in it. | ||
| Like I'm a big Bette Davis eyes guy. | ||
| I like that song. | ||
| She's got Bette Davis eyes. | ||
| But I hate when they go... | ||
| That was so 80s, the fucking, the hand claps in songs drove me crazy. | ||
| I hated that, yeah. | ||
| It is funny how songs, like, you can tell they're from a time. | ||
| You know, like, there's a sound to them. | ||
| They go, oh yeah, that's from that time. | ||
| Especially like the 60s. | ||
| Yeah, I was thinking the 60s. | ||
| Whatever the weird sound, whether it's what Phil Spector started, or these other things. | ||
| I've been listening to Del Shannon's Runaway a lot, and there's just this sound in there. | ||
| Everyone who that song meant something to as a teenager is old or dead. | ||
| Those songs give me weird feelings, man. | ||
| I listen to the 60s or the 50s, And I feel like creepily voyeuristic and frightened. | ||
| I really get weird listening to those old songs because the connection they had, they are in history. | ||
| It's gone. | ||
| It's dead. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It really freaks me out. | ||
| Well, it's also one of the first times. | ||
| I mean, if you really go back to it, I get creeped out when I listen to early 1900s music, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Because that's the original music that was recorded, essentially. | ||
| We talked about this once before. | ||
| When was the first record? | ||
| I feel like it was the late... | ||
| No, it was like the 1700s, the first time they came up with one of those big tubes with the needle on it, and that was where the sound came from, was that giant tuba-looking thing. | ||
| Yes, now people in Brooklyn are buying them because they think it makes them look really cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Williamsburg. | |
| They're getting those things and listening to old vinyl on it. | ||
| It sounds like shit. | ||
| Enough with vinyl. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It was 1870s. | ||
| It started with that cylinder thing, then the records first. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Cylinder first, then records. | ||
| Yeah, the cylinder. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's just crazy that... | ||
| When you think about human history, that people recorded music, they could only write things down until a little bit more than 150 years ago, or 150 years ago, whatever it was. | ||
| It is weird when you're listening to an iPhone and you want to hear something, and you just download it while you're walking to a club. | ||
| Instantly. | ||
| And the idea that people couldn't record it at one time, like you literally had to just say, remember that song? | ||
| No. | ||
| And then tell somebody how to play it, and they had to hear it, and then they had to play it the way you play it. | ||
| Like, that's how it got passed down. | ||
| The worst is when you tell someone, like, hey, you know that song? | ||
| And then you go, ah, it's like this, like... | ||
| I don't know what the fuck you're telling me. | ||
| And then you play the song, and they go, oh, that song? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh my god, you didn't sound anything like that song. | ||
| I was trying my best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, that was a completely unfamiliar sound you were making. | |
| I'd love to change the world. | ||
| I don't know that one. | ||
| But I don't know what to do. | ||
| I bet you would if you heard it. | ||
| I probably would. | ||
| I like really weird, sappy music sometimes. | ||
| I'm a weird, emotional wreck with stuff. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, I cry at weird shit. | ||
| I cried at Logan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You cried at Logan? | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I like to cry at movies. | ||
| It makes me feel connected to things. | ||
| Like Jungle Fever. | ||
| Frank Vincent, I just wanted to hug him. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It makes me feel like I'm not disconnected from human interactions. | ||
| Do you feel sometimes like you are? | ||
| Yeah, a little bit, but not to a point where I think I'm unique, but just sometimes a little bit. | ||
| It's always one tick off. | ||
| Like, I would argue with a woman in a relationship, and I could say barbaric things, because I felt like I was arguing through a window. | ||
| Like, it was not real life. | ||
| It was a movie. | ||
| Like, it was a movie performance. | ||
| But then I watched, you know, a Sanka commercial. | ||
| Oh, he hugged the puppy, and I'm crying. | ||
| And it was like, it was like one click off from where you should be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I can remember, Bill Burr, I've been thinking of a lot, because Bill told me that he doesn't... | ||
| Call names. | ||
| Like, he won't call his wife a bitch. | ||
| He just doesn't do it because he saw that growing up. | ||
| And he's like, as angry as Bill can be, he doesn't name call. | ||
| And I've been thinking about that a lot. | ||
| I've done that with every person I dated. | ||
| And it's so fucked up. | ||
| Name calls? | ||
| Yeah, it just happens. | ||
| They'll say, shut up here. | ||
| And I'll be like, you fucking... | ||
| But I'm like, I don't want to do that anymore. | ||
| It just kind of made me feel like, it's shitty. | ||
| Yeah, it's shitty. | ||
| It is shitty. | ||
| And it's too easy to do. | ||
| Especially, there's a real issue when you do it because you know the person's going to take it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, it's one thing if you're like, look, you're a cunt and this is done. | ||
| I can't do this anymore. | ||
| You fucking, you lit my house on fire, you fucked my brother. | ||
| It's over! | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| After I jerk off to the memories, I'm outta here. | ||
| But there's one thing if you say something to someone knowing that you're gonna make up. | ||
| Like, knowing that you can get away with it. | ||
| You know, and I think a lot of people do that in relationships. | ||
| They get real mean and nasty to each other because they know the person's trapped. | ||
| Especially if you're married and you have kids. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| That can get real squirrely. | ||
| I've seen that happen with people, and you're like, ooh, man, you've got to not do that to each other. | ||
| It makes me not want to get married because I've talked to so many guys who don't get their dick sucked anymore, or they don't get this or that. | ||
| I'm like, not that it's got to be a fuckfest. | ||
| If you're married, I get it. | ||
| You're a kid, things die off. | ||
| But that's my fear, is I marry somebody. | ||
| It's a real fear. | ||
| Yeah, all these things, all of a sudden, I know I'm going to cheat. | ||
| I'm not going to be good. | ||
| Well, it's... | ||
| The idea of marriage, and this is coming from a happily married guy, it's fucking stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And this is why. | ||
| Because it's a contract. | ||
| People change on a day-to-day basis. | ||
| They change throughout the day. | ||
| They change based on the song they hear. | ||
| They change based on the conversation they have with their girlfriend. | ||
| They change based on a book they read. | ||
| People fucking change, and you're in this constant stage of growing and developing. | ||
| And when you commit to someone, like you say, like, this is my girlfriend, this is my husband, this is my wife, this is my companion. | ||
| When you do that, There's one thing to do it and to really be all in and really enjoy that person's company and want to be with them a lot. | ||
| It's another thing to involve the government. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To get legal paperwork signed and all that kind of... | ||
| I was willing to do it simply because... | ||
| Well, first of all, because my wife's awesome and I love her and she's a great person, but also because I have children. | ||
| And I was like, well, having children is a way bigger commitment than anything else that's legal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because now there's a human life that depends on you, and all my phobias about government interaction and laws and legal paperwork, and this is coming from a guy who has several close friends whose lives have been fucking ruined by divorce. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ruined! | |
| Where they've had to pay exorbitant amounts of money. | ||
| It wrecks their life. | ||
| It caused them stress. | ||
| They've aged 10 years in a year. | ||
| I've seen guys like that. | ||
| I've seen a bunch of guys like that who've been devastated by divorce. | ||
| And then devastated by the fucking wife hiring the most evil, vicious lawyers to attack them and go after them and try to squeeze as much money out as possible and drag it into the dirt. | ||
| Especially when a man and woman are married and the man makes all the money, the man has to pay for the woman's lawyer. | ||
| And that's where things get fucking spectacularly ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, because there's no cost to her to do anything. | ||
| She can file a motion after motion knowing this dummy is paying for it. | ||
| Not only that, she's draining the money. | ||
| She's draining his money. | ||
| And I had a very good friend of mine deal with this. | ||
| He went through, it was more than a year and a half of deliberate, where he lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees. | ||
| And the whole time his wife was doing it on purpose. | ||
| They would come to an agreement and then she would change the agreement. | ||
| She would be like, I don't give a fuck, I want more. | ||
| And he would be like, but we had an agreement. | ||
| She's like, fuck you. | ||
| Fuck you, pay me. | ||
| And then she would hang up the phone, and then the lawyer would contact, these are the new stipulations, and he would get ready to agree to those, and then she would drag that out for a couple months, and then ramp it up again. | ||
| And she was being completely unreasonable. | ||
| And in a way, she's still in a relationship, too. | ||
| That's a weird relationship. | ||
| Even when it's a hateful relationship, it's still some kind of a connection. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy what people do in divorce. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is crazy. | |
| I'm going to piss my pants. | ||
| Go piss. | ||
| Go piss. | ||
| You know what I mean. | ||
| I can never make it through a whole podcast. | ||
| Don't worry about it, buddy. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| I'm glad you did. | ||
| I was getting too ramped up about divorce talk. | ||
| He's crazy to think he's going to get married. | ||
| When you talk to someone who's a, and I say this with all due respect, a hardcore pervert like Jim Norton, the idea is he's going to settle down. | ||
| But you know what it is, man? | ||
| When you don't have it, it seems so attractive to you. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like if you're a guy who's got a regular... | ||
| 9 to 5 job. | ||
| You get up in the morning. | ||
| You get your newspaper. | ||
| You let the dog out. | ||
| You say hi to your kids. | ||
| You eat your breakfast. | ||
| You drink your coffee. | ||
| You go to work the same way every day. | ||
| And then you hear about Ari Shafir disappearing and throwing his phone into the garbage and just traveling to the middle of the... | ||
| God knows where the fuck he is. | ||
| We think he's in Vietnam. | ||
| That's what we've heard. | ||
| But he could have left Vietnam Tuesday and gone to fucking Malaysia now. | ||
| Who knows where he is? | ||
| He might be in Bali. | ||
| He might be doing some fucking... | ||
| Psychedelic ritual with some monks on the top of a temple right now. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| You've gone for like three months now, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| But I don't want to do it. | ||
| I mean, but to someone who looks at life, like if I was miserable and I looked at his life, I'd be like, God damn, that's what I want to do. | ||
| That's what I want to do. | ||
| So I think when people just aren't completely comfortable with their life. | ||
| Jim's problem, one of Jim's problems is he's very smart. | ||
| He's thinking. | ||
| He's constantly thinking. | ||
| So he's constantly obsessing about things. | ||
| So you see him going over all these variables. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why he'll cry at movies. | ||
| It's also one of the reasons why he'll go over various aspects of himself. | ||
| We're talking about how smart you are. | ||
| And that it's a problem. | ||
| How to pee? | ||
| I'll be lucky. | ||
| I'll have to go again. | ||
| My bladder's weird. | ||
| Like, I wind up... | ||
| Well, it's already 3 o'clock, so you made it an hour and a half in. | ||
| We're an hour and a half in? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my God, dude. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| I pee so much that when you hold it for a little while, then your body doesn't release at all. | ||
| My bladder's a fucking nightmare. | ||
| But my apnea's so bad, I wake up and have to piss a lot. | ||
| But I think that someone told me that's your body waking you up so you don't suffocate. | ||
| Like when you're not breathing, your body's going, breathe, breathe, and you don't, and your body will send a signal, piss, and that gets you up and you go to the bathroom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've heard that. | ||
| I don't know how true it is, but I couldn't be pissing that much. | ||
| Well, if you drink a lot of water, you would be. | ||
| I piss sometimes in the middle of the night. | ||
| I try not to drink at night, but I get thirsty. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| And when I get thirsty, I'm like, I'd rather have a drink of water now and get up in the middle of the night to pee. | ||
| I love a good beverage. | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| I know, treat myself. | ||
| We're something like 70% water or some shit. | ||
| I know, but it's making my life almost to the point of being unmanageable. | ||
| I saw Logan with a girl, and I'm not kidding when I tell you I went to the bathroom 12 times. | ||
| It's embarrassing. | ||
| During the movie? | ||
| During the movie. | ||
| 12? | ||
| Yeah, I have a couple coffees. | ||
| I've had sonograms on my fucking bladder. | ||
| Wait a minute, 12? | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| How long was the movie? | ||
| Two hours, two and a half hours. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| So you left every 10 minutes? | ||
| At one point, towards the end, I did, yeah. | ||
| If it's a two-hour movie, that means you left every 10 minutes. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, without exaggeration, yeah. | ||
| When I'm on a roll... | ||
| It's non-stop. | ||
| The girl must be like, what the fuck is this guy doing? | ||
| She knows me. | ||
| I told her, like, I pee a lot. | ||
| I always got to sit in the aisle. | ||
| I flew to LA. The first time I went to LA was with Patrice and I were on a TWA flight. | ||
| And I was in the window and he was in the aisle, you know, for maximum comfort. | ||
| I pissed so many times. | ||
| And this is 94, 95. And Patrice said to me, you got to get checked for diabetes. | ||
| I think you're diabetic. | ||
| And he was diabetic. | ||
| So he fucking freaked me out. | ||
| So I went and got checked. | ||
| I've been checked multiple times since then. | ||
| I'm not diabetic. | ||
| I've had my bladder sonogrammed, the size of it, and different checks. | ||
| And they said, no, it's a normal size. | ||
| You just pee a lot. | ||
| You got a lot of thinking going on, Jim Norton. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Too much, right? | ||
| It's too much. | ||
| That's one of the things we were talking about. | ||
| You think a lot. | ||
| I mean, it's because you're smart. | ||
| Because you're taking in variables. | ||
| There's a lot of variables involved. | ||
| I always used to tell that to people that were... | ||
| My students back when I was teaching Taekwondo, and they would go to fight in tournaments, and they'd be really nervous. | ||
| And I would explain that the smarter you are, the more nervous you're going to be. | ||
| And that's just part of reality, because you're aware of the variables. | ||
| The stupid people are not going to be aware of all the possibilities. | ||
| In their eyes, in their mind, everything's going to go great. | ||
| And that might be good if it goes great, but it might be terrible if it goes wrong, because then the reality gets shattered. | ||
| Because they can't handle the fact that... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I didn't see this coming. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Because I'm always prepared for the fucking Florida fallout. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| But you might be prepared too much. | ||
| You might be thinking too much about all the different variables. | ||
| You're probably right. | ||
| It seems like the whole worry about your arm when your arm's fine right now. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| Right now it's good. | ||
| But then, like, last week I was there, or two weeks ago. | ||
| I was doing these curls, and I started to feel... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why are you doing curls? | |
| Who's got you doing curls? | ||
| My trainer, I think I asked her I wanted to do them. | ||
| Are they not good? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I don't believe in isolation exercises. | ||
| There's very little times in life where you're standing there doing this, just lifting things up with one arm. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of time in life I'm doing that. | ||
| A lot of times that leads to imbalances. | ||
| I feel like, and as I got older, I really believe this more and more, and the more really good trainers that I talk to, the more they sort of harp on this exact same thing is that you should treat the body like a unit, like it's one large unit. | ||
| And so if you're going to do something, it should involve, for the most part, with a few exceptions, it's not terrible to do some isolation exercises, But I think for the most part, it should involve most of your body or large muscle groups like a squat or a deadlift is one of the best because a deadlift involves your arms, your back, your shoulders, your legs, your calves. | ||
| I mean, there's so much involved in a deadlift. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why it's such a great exercise. | ||
| For overall physical strength. | ||
| And I think for arms, like chin-ups and rows and things along those lines, when you're doing that, like you're involving so much of your body, like one-armed rows, it's your back, it's your core, it's your arms, it's your shoulders. | ||
| There's a lot going on there, whereas a curl is kind of just your bicep and your forearm. | ||
| You know, it's like really mostly what's going on there. | ||
| Yeah, I do a lot of those, too. | ||
| Those things where you're pulling the thing or you're throwing a punch this way or whatever. | ||
| It's really like aerobicizing. | ||
| It's not a very particular exercise I'm proud of, but I do do it. | ||
| When they have you lifting weights, are you lifting weights for high repetitions or low repetitions? | ||
| It depends on how tired I am, really. | ||
| It really depends on what I feel. | ||
| If I tell her, sometimes I say I just want to do... | ||
| Minor things today. | ||
| I'm so exhausted. | ||
| I know it sounds like I'm being a bitch, but I know how I feel, and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. | ||
| It's like a fog. | ||
| It doesn't raise up when you start working out? | ||
| A little bit it does, but it's literally like there's a thickness to it. | ||
| It's like looking through things. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| I had sleep... | ||
| Well, I have sleep apnea now, but now I wear a mouthpiece. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| It helps you, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| The mouthpiece is incredible. | ||
| But yours... | ||
| You got the one that goes over your tongue. | ||
| I want to get one like that because I have one that pushes my jaw out, which helps. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it doesn't fucking... | ||
| I got the central apnea, too, which is a brain signal. | ||
| See, your apnea is a completely different animal. | ||
| Your apnea is... | ||
| Your brain tells you to stop breathing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a totally different thing. | ||
| I also have obstructive. | ||
| I have both. | ||
| You have both. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I have that one too. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That stinks, dude. | ||
| The brain one, though, is the creepiest. | ||
| Because obstructive, all you need is a mouthpiece and it's good. | ||
| I have the obstructive. | ||
| My tongue's too big. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so it covers my ear hole when I lie on my back and my neck's thick and it falls. | ||
| That's a lot of football players and weightlifters. | ||
| Reggie White died. | ||
| Yeah, they got a huge problem with that. | ||
| And guys like that also that take sleeping pills, that becomes a giant issue because then you don't wake up. | ||
| So you have this big ass neck, big old weightlifter neck, and you lie back, and your tongue literally chokes you to death. | ||
| Yeah, and they take probably the sleeping pills, I'm guessing, because you're so fucking tired of waking up every two minutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| And they're always exhausted. | ||
| Like, I'm getting a good night's sleep. | ||
| I'll take a melatonin once in a while. | ||
| Melatonin's great. | ||
| We have on it, we have a spray. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| Sublingual, like, under-tongue spray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I'll get you some. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to try that stuff because, you know, I want to sleep better, but I just can't fucking get myself. | ||
| I just don't know what they can do other than that mask, though, for that brain stuff. | ||
| Like, if it's your brain shutting off, you're breathing. | ||
| I don't get it. | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| It just doesn't send the signal. | ||
| It's got to be a chemical thing. | ||
| I think your brain gets bored with too much peace. | ||
| I'm like, this motherfucker's sleeping too good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's freak him out! | |
| That's probably what it is. | ||
| Let's make this more interesting. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I wake up and I check my phone, which always keeps me awake. | ||
| I'll check my text messages or I'll check Tinder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You do? | |
| In the middle of the night? | ||
| At times I will, yeah. | ||
| Let's see what's happened. | ||
| No, you can't do that. | ||
| No, that's very bad. | ||
| Yeah, I don't do that. | ||
| I sleep better on my phones across the room. | ||
| Like, you put it across the room and it's like, ah, cool. | ||
| I shut my phone off before I start reading and then when I'm done reading, that phone stays off. | ||
| Oh, you don't check it before bed. | ||
| That's probably better. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| I don't check it before bed and the only thing I check in the morning is important shit. | ||
| If someone's text messaging me, it's important. | ||
| But I just do it less and less. | ||
| I mean, I think the phone is a tool, but it's also very, very, very addictive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And being connected to social media and having... | ||
| It's usually one of my friends, dude, have you seen this? | ||
| And they'll send me a text message and I'll click on the link and I'm like, oh, fucking Christ, it's some crazy story or some dude who got killed by a bear or something nutty. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then, you know, a half hour later, I'm still on the toilet bowl. | ||
| Now my legs are numb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? | ||
| Like, I got tired of doing that. | ||
| And so now, I just look at my phone real quick. | ||
| Anything important? | ||
| No? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Leave it alone. | ||
| And then I'll go work out. | ||
| And I'll go get my day started. | ||
| Do you keep your phone with you when you work out? | ||
| Or do you leave it in the locker? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Well, I work out a good percentage of the time. | ||
| If I'm not doing jujitsu, Jiu-jitsu is in my blocker or it's in my bag. | ||
| But if I'm at home lifting weights, like I lift weights in my house, I don't even touch it. | ||
| I just leave it alone. | ||
| Just put it away somewhere. | ||
| I'll do it in between sets. | ||
| I'll kind of look at it like for a second, but it's stupid. | ||
| Fuck that, man. | ||
| They're too goddamn addictive. | ||
| They're too addictive. | ||
| But here's the other problem. | ||
| People get mad at me because it'll be like 2 o'clock in the afternoon. | ||
| I haven't responded to their text yet because I've got 30 of them. | ||
| I look at my text, and it's just 30 fucking text messages. | ||
| I can't respond to them all. | ||
| I don't have... | ||
| Because that takes you a half an hour, literally. | ||
| Each one takes a minute. | ||
| You respond to each one. | ||
| You've got a half an hour down, just text messages. | ||
| And when you send someone something, like, here's one I don't respond to. | ||
| Hey, man, what's going on? | ||
| I don't... | ||
| That's... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not doing that. | ||
| No, it's a worthless question. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Can't do it. | ||
| It's a terrible question. | ||
| We can't do that. | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| Where? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Air. | |
| Breathing. | ||
| Shitting. | ||
| Death. | ||
| ISIS. Syria. | ||
| Phone texting. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| And you know, people just like, sometimes they just want to connect with you. | ||
| They just want to talk to you. | ||
| You know, maybe it's someone I don't talk to that often and they want to talk more. | ||
| They don't have shit to say. | ||
| You know, and then occasionally someone will say something funny, and you know, it's fun to get that. | ||
| There's pros and cons, but it has to be managed. | ||
| And if it's not managed, it'll get away from you. | ||
| I don't manage it very well. | ||
| I think that's the problem. | ||
| I spend too much time obsessing on it. | ||
| And on the computer, I discovered Chatterbait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| What is that? | ||
| It's like a fucking good site, man. | ||
| They have... | ||
| You open it up, and there's all these windows of people being sexual. | ||
| You can join or you can almost watch for free as a lurker, but you just can't tip if you're lurking. | ||
| But you can just kind of go in there and watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's fun. | |
| That seems like a lot of time, too. | ||
| Dude, it's, you know, yeah, it's very addictive. | ||
| And there's a bunch of stuff like that. | ||
| There's other sites like that, too. | ||
| That's just the name I know. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I don't do any of those sites. | ||
| I don't look at any of those. | ||
| I didn't either for a while. | ||
| But this one I found, I was like, well, it was so new. | ||
| Like, the idea of it was so new to me. | ||
| But, you know, I'm trying to stop doing it. | ||
| Because it's just, you don't even do it. | ||
| You just watch. | ||
| I don't even jerk off that. | ||
| I'm just watching. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like weird. | ||
| It's like what I dreamed of as a kid. | ||
| Can you remember your kid? | ||
| They're like, oh, someday you're going to pick up that phone in the kitchen and you're going to be able to see the person you're talking to. | ||
| And you're like, no. | ||
| Now I can just open this thing and watch people fucking masturbate. | ||
| I'm like, holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's wonderful. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| I can't believe it. | ||
| Your brain's not ready for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No one's brain is. | ||
| And especially a guy like you that knows a lot of people and has a lot of options. | ||
| There's almost like too much coming at you. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know how to manage it and I'm so afraid of missing the party. | ||
| I'm so afraid. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It goes back to, I remember when I was a kid, I had fucked up. | ||
| I don't know what I did, but I remember my friends, these two black kids, I think they were twins, Pierre and Randall, and they wanted me to go to the store with them, and my mother wouldn't let me go. | ||
| And I remember screaming and crying and being so fucking angry, and it was like I was going to miss something. | ||
| The idea, like, oh, these guys I like are going to the store, fucking shit's going to happen, and I'm stuck with this bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was stuck. | |
| I was so displeased. | ||
| But it was that feeling of missing this great thing. | ||
| The fear of missing out. | ||
| You know who doesn't have the fear of missing out? | ||
| I love him. | ||
| Dice. | ||
| Never cares. | ||
| Oh, he doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| And I told this story recently, which is what made me think of it. | ||
| We did a show when I opened for him from 1997 to 2000. And one of our Vegas shows, Tiger Woods came to the show. | ||
| It's the only time I ever met him. | ||
| I ran out and said hello to the fight in 1998. And Dice, they said Tigers might come back. | ||
| And he goes, let him. | ||
| I'm going up to the room. | ||
| He didn't give a fuck that the greatest golfer alive wanted to come back and say hi. | ||
| Hey, Tiger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good for him. | |
| And he meant it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good for him. | |
| He wasn't showing off. | ||
| You know Dice. | ||
| He fucking meant it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He went up to his room and he ordered a creme brulee. | ||
| He didn't give a shit about missing. | ||
| You know, Dice is fucking nuts and he's the party. | ||
| But I admired that so much, that ability to live without feeling like you're gonna miss out. | ||
| Ooh, I'm missing out. | ||
| It's this fucking fear. | ||
| It's addict. | ||
| It's attic stuff. | ||
| I used to have that with this pool hall that I used to go to. | ||
| I used to go to this pool hall when I lived in New York, and it was a fucking great place. | ||
| And there was executive billiards in White Plains, New York, and there was always a lot of gambling going on. | ||
| A lot of big gambling games. | ||
| Guys would come in from out of town. | ||
| There were great pool players, and people would sit and watch. | ||
| There was always something happening. | ||
| I didn't have a cell phone back then, so I'd be on a date with my girlfriend. | ||
| I'd just be thinking, man, there's something going on at the pool hall right now. | ||
| It's probably happening. | ||
| Something's going down. | ||
| Guys are betting. | ||
| Guys are playing. | ||
| There's probably a lot of action. | ||
| Something's happening. | ||
| Total attic stuff. | ||
| Yeah, and it's really, when you get there, there's nothing happening. | ||
| Sometimes there was, though. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| Yeah, once in a while. | ||
| But it's the one time there is. | ||
| It wipes out the 40 times there wasn't. | ||
| Yeah, it does. | ||
| It does. | ||
| It makes it worthwhile. | ||
| It's like fishing. | ||
| You can go fishing three days in a row and not catch a goddamn thing and go, Goddamn, fishing sucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then one day, you hook a giant salmon. | ||
| You're like, Holy shit! | ||
| It's another year of fishing, because that one time. | ||
| It's weird how the one time it works overrides all the times it does it. | ||
| It's not rational. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| But I live my life like that. | ||
| Well, that's like people going out trying to get laid, you know? | ||
| I mean, how often does that work? | ||
| When a guy goes out trying to get laid at a bar, the average fella, what is it? | ||
| Is he like three out of ten if he's great at it? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Not even. | ||
| Maybe one out of ten, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you go out ten nights trying to find the girl of your dreams, It's the odds of you finding her in one of those ten or finding a hot girl or finding a girl you're attracted to. | ||
| Some guys will pull it off. | ||
| Chris D'Elia could probably go out and do it. | ||
| Yeah, but he's a handsome guy. | ||
| I give Chris, he could probably pull a fucking four or five nights out of ten where he's pulling home at least an eight. | ||
| But he's also famous. | ||
| And he's funny. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| He's got a good personality. | ||
| He's a good-looking guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's tall and handsome. | |
| It's a revolting combination. | ||
| As another man to watch, it's a revolting... | ||
| It's beautiful. | ||
| It really bugs me. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| Of course. | ||
| That's all I need is to date a girl who wants to fuck him. | ||
| I'm like, finished. | ||
| I would have no shot, because he is funny. | ||
| If he wasn't funny, he would be okay, but if a guy is funny, I can't even... | ||
| That's the one trump card I have, is that I'm a funny guy. | ||
| But if another dude's funny and he's good-looking, I'm like, ugh, I just have to give you up. | ||
| I have to concede defeat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Unless he's a conservative guy sexually. | ||
| Maybe that. | ||
| Maybe if she's a pervert. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Maybe he's not sucking on her hands. | ||
| Yeah, or her feet. | ||
| I'm not even that big on her feet. | ||
| I just found them later in life. | ||
| I just think it's fun to talk about. | ||
| But I'm not a big foot guy. | ||
| But I do ask the size of feet. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like them big. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why do you like them big? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Probably because more is better. | ||
| I'm a greedy fuck. | ||
| Did you lose the sound? | ||
| Yeah, what happened? | ||
| There's a little thing there that has to be plugged in. | ||
| I probably knocked it out. | ||
| Yeah, we need to fix that with our next setup. | ||
| No, I didn't fix it. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| We'll get it. | ||
| Did I break it? | ||
| Oh, I just knocked that out. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| I'm only doing radio since 2000. Let's tape that. | ||
| There it is taped. | ||
| It is taped? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's better. | |
| You're so violent. | ||
| Pulled the tape free. | ||
| I just uncrossed my legs. | ||
| Uncrossed my legs improperly and broke the equipment. | ||
| So yeah, that's the one ace in the hole I feel like I got. | ||
| I don't know, but I want it to be... | ||
| Life is fun, and I kind of wanted to... | ||
| Not settle down, but I wanted to see somebody regularly. | ||
| Yeah, when was the last time you did that though? | ||
| You had a girlfriend for a while when we were doing the virus tour way back in the day. | ||
| What was that like? | ||
| It might have been ten years ago, right? | ||
| That was 2006 and 7 or 7 and 8 maybe. | ||
| I had a girlfriend back then, but after that I dated a girl seriously too for a few years. | ||
| We broke up. | ||
| It was just too much fighting. | ||
| I'm difficult. | ||
| She's my best friend. | ||
| I still talk to her all the time. | ||
| We just don't date anymore. | ||
| I haven't slept with her in five years, but we're still... | ||
| You know, she's a great person. | ||
| Too much fighting. | ||
| Too much fighting. | ||
| What do you fight about? | ||
| Everything. | ||
| I like the arguing thing, but I get obsessed with feeling like I've been wronged or humiliated. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| It's that whole thing. | ||
| But do you realize that you're obsessed with it and it's not real while you're doing it? | ||
| Yeah, like if I had to write it down, I could write it down, but it doesn't change because I got addicted to feeling shitty. | ||
| I used to trap girls, right? | ||
| I would have a girl tell me, like, I would make them tell me if their ex-boyfriend's dick is bigger than mine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay? | |
| And let's be honest, the odds were not bad that that would be the case. | ||
| And you would trap them and then you would get upset that they had brought it up. | ||
| Or it would give me an excuse to hate myself and feel bad about myself and like I'm worthless. | ||
| And then that way there was nothing they could do to make me feel bad. | ||
| It was like this self-fulfilling prophecy. | ||
| And then I dated a girl one time whose ex-boyfriend had a giant dick. | ||
| And she told me that before I dated her. | ||
| She had a video fucking him. | ||
| She's like, you're not gonna want to see that. | ||
| And the way she said it was so sexy, like, ooh, naughty girl. | ||
| I wanted to see it. | ||
| And I made myself watch it, and it turned me on to see her like that. | ||
| To see her being dirt. | ||
| I took something that I was gonna torture myself with, and I'm like, fuck it. | ||
| It was almost like you throw your hands up and you go with it. | ||
| Instead of being ashamed and feeling bad about myself because of her past, take a woman's past and just make it a dirty part of her that you like. | ||
| So then I never gave a fuck again about her boyfriend. | ||
| I don't care who you dated before me now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| His dick was bigger? | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Let's hear about it while I'm eating your pussy. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| Tell me all about it, hun. | ||
| He would do better, wouldn't he? | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Then it becomes a fun thing that you can fetishize and make good, and then they don't ever have to feel embarrassed about their past. | ||
| Like, oh, I can't tell this guy that. | ||
| That's a rare girl that'll show you a video of another guy fucking her. | ||
| Yeah, but I bugged her for it, but I kind of knew at that moment I knew at that moment that it was a make-or-break because I had done this my whole life with girls I had set up these scenarios where I was gonna lose and they were gonna be fucking I was gonna purposely put a wedge in between that wasn't necessary and I didn't want to do it with this girl because she was super sexy and funny and I just knew it was dumb so I made myself sit through it and see how I felt about it and I was able to turn it into a pornography and it was okay And when you said that you knew that you were doing | ||
| it while you were doing it, like you knew you were sabotaging it while you were doing it? | ||
| At times, yeah, but not until after because I got addicted to that feeling, that burning feeling in the pit of your stomach when you're feeling like you've been cheated on or you've been wrong. | ||
| It was just a stupid, it was like a drug. | ||
| It was like a fucking familiar feeling. | ||
| So you were actually addicted to feeling disrespected and wrong. | ||
| And shitty, and yeah, but not in a sexy, fun way. | ||
| Like now, oh, a good dose of humiliation makes me crazy, but it turns me on. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| It feels unique. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so weird. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Does anybody relate to that when you tell another, like your friends? | ||
| A lot of people do. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Of course, sure. | ||
| A lot of people like it. | ||
| They like humiliation or whatever. | ||
| Whatever it is. | ||
| Or how many guys, and plus the women. | ||
| A lot of women enjoy it, too. | ||
| They love telling you about that stuff. | ||
| Because it lets them be who they want to be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they don't have to feel like, oh, I've got to pretend on this way or that way. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| The worse you've been, the more you're going to be happy I walk through the door. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because there's going to be nothing I do that's going to surprise you. | ||
| So that's what I kind of like. | ||
| I want somebody... | ||
| That's why I seek out people in the sex industry, I think. | ||
| Because I have no judgment on it. | ||
| Like, if you do porn or if you've escorted... | ||
| Because I feel like you're not going to judge me. | ||
| I feel like whatever you've done... | ||
| I'm okay with it. | ||
| Yeah, that's really important because the real issue is someone judging you, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone deciding that what you've done is wrong. | ||
| I ended a relationship one time. | ||
| There was a girl I was dating, and she was one of the girls I met who didn't know my past or my history or the things I've joked about or talked about or said that were true. | ||
| I made sure they were jokes for a while, but of course they're true. | ||
| And I had to tell her a couple of things. | ||
| Because it's Google-able. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, trans... | ||
| You know, it's gonna come up. | ||
| And there's no way around it. | ||
| So I talked to her about a little... | ||
| This is post-nuptials? | ||
| Post... | ||
| Sex? | ||
| Have you had sex? | ||
| Had we fucked? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We were seeing each other for a few weeks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Post-coil. | |
| Nuptials is marriage. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| We were seeing each other for a few weeks. | ||
| And she got really weird with it. | ||
| She was uncomfortable with it. | ||
| And we were eating lunch. | ||
| And she said something to me like, you know, that stuff you told me about the stuff you've done with... | ||
| Tran girls whatever like I had to say it because again I'm not gonna be with you for four four or five months and all of a sudden you pop it up and go I got a question Yeah, I'm not dealing with that on the way to a wedding or a fucking party Look at your dumb face cuz you don't get it. | ||
| I don't want it. | ||
| So I said fuck it I would tell her and she's like you can never Tell me stuff like that again because I have an idea of what being masculine is and I'm like okay cool and as she was talking and I felt every bit of attraction to her drain. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| I liked the fact that I wasn't offended by what she said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, go fuck yourself. | |
| Finished. | ||
| And I stopped seeing her after that. | ||
| Because it was fair that she had that. | ||
| But I don't like that scolding shit. | ||
| We all want something. | ||
| When someone judges you or scolds you sexually, it drives me crazy. | ||
| Yeah, so it wasn't just that she was saying, hey, I know that that's your past, and I know that this is something that you're into, but I'm not into that, so this is going to be a problem. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| Instead, she was saying, that is not what I think of as masculine, and you are not masculine. | ||
| Yeah, like... | ||
| And you can't do that again. | ||
| Yeah, I didn't feel like, oh, I'm not. | ||
| I was like, ugh, shut up. | ||
| So she had to put her foot down? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| I think she just didn't want to hear about it. | ||
| But I don't care if you're into the same stuff. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| I'm not going to be in the same things a lot of women are into. | ||
| Apparently, the times they want to hold hands and hear I love you sexually. | ||
| Good luck with that one. | ||
| It's not happening. | ||
| I'll do it afterwards. | ||
| I can't have a loving sexual experience unless we're strangers. | ||
| Then it's a weird high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, it's crazy, dude. | ||
| Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. | ||
| So, if you're strangers, then you can have a loving sexual experience? | ||
| Yeah, then I want to say I love you, or I want you to tell me you love me. | ||
| If they're strangers? | ||
| Yeah, or if I'm paying them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, it's weird. | ||
| It's like whatever feels... | ||
| You know, whatever gets things mixed up a little bit. | ||
| So that's just for a good time. | ||
| Just for a moment. | ||
| Like you said, you think too much. | ||
| It's too much... | ||
| But do you really feel it in the moment, though, sometimes? | ||
| You feel connected. | ||
| For some reason, I've analyzed this to death. | ||
| I think what it is... | ||
| When I don't know them, I don't feel any pressure. | ||
| And I don't feel scared that I'm not gonna do well. | ||
| I'm not gonna be scared that I'm gonna fuck up. | ||
| So when we're connected, I feel completely free just to feel things and be nice. | ||
| But once I know you and once I'm dating you and I care about your opinion, then, like you said, all the variables come in. | ||
| I'm not gonna fuck up. | ||
| So when there's no risk. | ||
| I think that's what I always liked about it. | ||
| Exchanges of money. | ||
| It was never dehumanizing like I never Treated the girls bad. | ||
| I was never you know, I mean I always made them I think it was I just felt like free like I know she's not Worried about how I do right so I could be comfortable. | ||
| I'm I'm not going to be judged. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe I'm just justifying my own shit. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| I've never heard that before, though. | ||
| The only way that you can be loving and lovey in a sexual sense is if they're strangers. | ||
| Yeah, or if they're inaccessible. | ||
| A lot of times it was just about the chase. | ||
| And again, it's that addictive, stupid shit. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But I liked that one moment. | ||
| Like, yeah, we all have these moments where we feel better. | ||
| And when that girl said that, I felt better about it. | ||
| Like, I was glad that I didn't go, okay. | ||
| Did you stay friends with her? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm not mad at her. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm not mad at her. | ||
| And she told me some sexual shit, too. | ||
| It was almost like the shit you told me that I didn't judge you on. | ||
| Like, what kind of shit? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She had had a fantasy... | ||
| I could say this because she doesn't even live in state anymore. | ||
| I wouldn't say this if I still saw her. | ||
| I would feel bad. | ||
| But she had, let's just say, had a... | ||
| And she had never done it, but she had had an animal fantasy. | ||
| Or she had watched a video of an animal fucking a woman and admitted that there was something about it that had turned her on. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| What kind of animal? | ||
| It was a pony. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And... | |
| There's something about the way he said that. | ||
| The long pause. | ||
| It was a pony. | ||
| And when she told me that, she wasn't being dirty. | ||
| She was literally just talking to me about it. | ||
| Well, it's a big fat hog. | ||
| Yeah, I think I blurted that out. | ||
| It was a big fat hog. | ||
| Big fat pony hog. | ||
| But she... | ||
| Well, that's a common fantasy, women and horses. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A horse's dick is so big, you can't think about the horse without thinking about its dick. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| When you think about a horse, like, you think, oh, she has a dick on that thing. | ||
| It's just like, it's a giant dick. | ||
| I mean, horse dicks are fucking huge. | ||
| Yeah, what a great reputation. | ||
| Horses are such dope, they don't even know what a great reputation they have. | ||
| Being a horse sucks. | ||
| Well, it's also a lot of women that ride them. | ||
| They're like these boxy, sort of almost androgynous flannel shirt-wearing women. | ||
| They lose their feminine shape and they get thick and they just ride that horse. | ||
| And I always feel like they're getting some sort of a vaginal stimulation by just the constant... | ||
| There's something about the movement of the horse and their saddle rubbing up against their pussy and they're just wearing their pussy out on their Wrangler jeans. | ||
| Wow, yeah, that's a good way to look at it. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah, I never thought of that. | ||
| That's how I think of it. | ||
| Women who just like, I don't need men. | ||
| Just ride this horse and come three or four times as it goes up a hill. | ||
| Yeah, this giant beast with a car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep going! | |
| Keep going! | ||
| Oh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus! | |
| Oh, Mr. Ed! | ||
| You know, I mean, I think that's a lot of what it is. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of women in my neighborhood. | ||
| I live in, like, an equestrian neighborhood. | ||
| Do you know that Burbank is an equestrian neighborhood? | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| Yeah, you could be in Burbank, and you'll see fucking people walk down the street riding a horse. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I love petting horses. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| They're awesome. | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| They're awesome animals. | ||
| I like to pet all animals. | ||
| I want to go to a sanctuary. | ||
| Oh, but the point with that girl is I didn't judge her when she told me that. | ||
| I wasn't mad at her. | ||
| I didn't think she was weird. | ||
| It's not my thing at all. | ||
| She's a size queen. | ||
| Yeah, she sure was. | ||
| She picked the wrong fella. | ||
| Well, she probably liked you for some parts of you. | ||
| I mean, that's often the case with people, right? | ||
| Like, you like certain aspects, but it doesn't all line up. | ||
| But you like a few things, like he's got a great sense of humor, he's fearless, he's hilarious, he says funny shit all the time, he keeps me entertained, but he's fucked a few dudes in dresses. | ||
| No, I would never fuck a dude in a dress. | ||
| That'd be weird. | ||
| Only a trans woman. | ||
| There's a difference. | ||
| Edward was the dude in a dress. | ||
| I would never fuck Edward. | ||
| I would never. | ||
| Trans woman. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Did you get excited when people started changing the differentiations between... | ||
| It used to be a tranny. | ||
| Everybody thought it was a guy. | ||
| It's a guy. | ||
| And now it's she. | ||
| It's her. | ||
| I didn't care. | ||
| Some of the political correction is so fucking irritating. | ||
| And then there's times where I think some of it might make sense. | ||
| Not in punishing people, but there's a difference between this person and that person. | ||
| So some of it is fine, but I don't care. | ||
| Whatever people want to be. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Some trans girls I've talked to are like, I'm a woman. | ||
| And I'm like, no. | ||
| There's a difference. | ||
| Who you are is fine. | ||
| You're great who you are. | ||
| You don't need to change who you are. | ||
| You don't have to say you're this word because the judgment of the country is pleasanter for that word than it is for this word. | ||
| But you are who you are. | ||
| Don't say you're... | ||
| I personally just don't look at it that way, but someone who's 20 would tell me I'm a fucking transphobic. | ||
| I know I'm going to get shit. | ||
| I talk about it in the special. | ||
| I know I'm going to get shit for it, but fuck it. | ||
| If you don't say every word right... | ||
| If someone's throwing their minds down and you step on one, you know, you get fucked. | ||
| Well, it's the same thing that we were talking about with that joke earlier, that guy got in trouble for. | ||
| People are looking to get mad. | ||
| There's a lot of that. | ||
| And when it comes to transgender people, and here's another thing, like, people will tell you, if you're not trans, you shouldn't be talking about trans issues. | ||
| How about fuck you, first of all? | ||
| Because this is a national, global thing that's going on right now. | ||
| But... | ||
| You should be able to talk about everything. | ||
| That's my point. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But there are people that definitely, for whatever reason, nature, the universe, has thrown them a strange set of cards. | ||
| And they really should have been born a woman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they are a man. | ||
| And they identify with being a woman. | ||
| They feel much better when they're wearing a dress. | ||
| They feel much better wearing women's clothes. | ||
| They feel much better. | ||
| And I don't think they should have to get surgery to do that. | ||
| I don't think you should have to get your dick... | ||
| I mean, people said, unless you get your dick cut off, you're not a woman. | ||
| I don't agree with that. | ||
| I feel like if you were a woman and you were in, you know, quote unquote, trapped inside a man's body and someone told you that you had to get surgery to appear whole. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that's the only way you could ever be thought of as a woman, but you didn't want to get surgery. | ||
| Like, well, that's crazy. | ||
| Like those rules are just as crazy as any other bizarre restrictions that we put on people. | ||
| So there are those people in the world, but then there are also people that are insane. | ||
| Yes, sure. | ||
| There's plenty of that. | ||
| People who think they know who they are and what they want, but they're wrong. | ||
| I've asked that surgery question a lot. | ||
| I'll ask, like, do you want, why do you want, if you want to get this SRS, and I'm just, I'm genuinely, I'm genuinely curious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not asking to be like, oh, you said it like everybody would know what that meant. | |
| That's how deep into the world you are. | ||
| Oh, please, in my world, that's old hat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's like human resources. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta go talk to HR. Yeah, I forget sometimes. | |
| You know, CIA, FBI, SRS, normal shit. | ||
| I poke my head out the fucking cave once in a while. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
| Everybody isn't talking about this? | ||
| All right, back I go. | ||
| SRS. But I've asked about it, and I'm like, I'm genuinely curious to what you say. | ||
| Like, I don't know the answer to it. | ||
| So I'm like, do you want it? | ||
| And sometimes the answer is like, I think it will feel better. | ||
| And that's one thing. | ||
| And then other girls are like, well, this way I can go swimming. | ||
| And I'm like, but those are all outside things of other people's judgment. | ||
| That's not like I feel a certain way. | ||
| Other people will look at me more this way. | ||
| So that's a dangerous thing, I think. | ||
| But if it's going to feel better and this is how I want to be, that's one thing. | ||
| And they can't come, though. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| There's no orgasms, right? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You get your dick removed, I'm pretty sure the orgasms are done. | ||
| I've heard different answers from different people. | ||
| So I just don't know the answer. | ||
| Isn't it funny that that's terrifying to people as a thought to no longer be able to have orgasms? | ||
| How many orgasms do you even have in a week? | ||
| If you have four or five orgasms a week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| It's not that many. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| Considering the 24 hours in a day, all the moments in a day, the few moments, the 30, 40 seconds of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's so important to people. | ||
| The lead-up, too, is fun, though. | ||
| I get addicted to the lead-up, and that's where you can keep going for a while. | ||
| You were the first person to tell me about edging. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| I didn't know about edging. | ||
| Oh, yeah, it's great. | ||
| I never heard about that. | ||
| You would get close and then stop. | ||
| Get close and then stop. | ||
| It's awful. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I wish I didn't do it because then sex becomes this weird thing. | ||
| But, you know, I get addicted to doing that. | ||
| And when I don't do it for a while, then I just kind of feel normal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, when you do a show like this and you get real open about this kind of stuff, do you get a bunch of freaky chicks just start... | ||
| I think because again with with with with on the radio show in the morning there's enough people who know me or It's not surprising to anybody. | ||
| I don't fucking I was talking this girl on Instagram and she was uh she was trans and I was following her and she wrote me this this Private message and she's like I didn't even know who you are I had to look you up Which is weird like alright fine. | ||
| I didn't say hey hey look it's me kiddo. | ||
| Were they trying to shoot you down a little bit? | ||
| For no reason I didn't do anything to her. | ||
| Well, it's natural And then she's like, that bit you did on strap-on is very disrespectful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, first of all, it's a true story. | |
| You think I'm proud of the fact that a fucking... | ||
| There's two different strap-on stories I have, and I've told them both in specials. | ||
| They're both true. | ||
| And I'm like, they're not. | ||
| They're true stories. | ||
| You're trying to act like you don't like trans girls, but it's obvious you do. | ||
| And I'm just like, oh, you fucking dope. | ||
| You're not reading the situation right. | ||
| Of course I do. | ||
| You know, no one thinks I don't. | ||
| No one. | ||
| And I send her an interview from Vice where I talk about it. | ||
| And then she blocked me. | ||
| She blocked you? | ||
| Of course she did. | ||
| Nobody wants to be wrong. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| She's a fucking idiot. | ||
| So she was just trying to get mad at you? | ||
| For no reason. | ||
| She didn't want to be proven wrong. | ||
| People are so stupid. | ||
| People get mad. | ||
| They like to get mad. | ||
| They get mad just like you were talking about. | ||
| You were addicted to causing these situations. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| I'm a Twitter troll in a relationship. | ||
| I mean, that is what it is, right? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| I'm addicted to that feeling. | ||
| I'm addicted to that rush and that height. | ||
| That's exactly what I do. | ||
| Isn't it funny that the president is a Twitter troll? | ||
| Oh my god, yes. | ||
| Our president's a Twitter troll. | ||
| And I don't even hate him. | ||
| Say whatever you want about him. | ||
| I don't hate him, but his Twitter is embarrassing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a troll. | |
| He's gotta stop. | ||
| He's a legit Twitter troll. | ||
| That's a weird word to say. | ||
| Twitter troll. | ||
| Twitter troll. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Really, he is an odd duck. | ||
| He's a troll. | ||
| He likes to troll. | ||
| I mean, him and Rosie O'Donnell still go at it almost every day. | ||
| Or at least Rosie goes at it. | ||
| Rosie backed off for a long time, but now that he's president... | ||
| Didn't she back off when he said he was going to sue her? | ||
| Because I think she had said he was broke or he went back. | ||
| She said something, which technically, and you don't want to have to litigate with a guy with a billion dollars. | ||
| I mean, that's a frightening proposition. | ||
| I think she apologized on The View if I was wrong, which is probably a smart move. | ||
| Well, that was when she started mocking him on The View because he had done this thing where the Miss USA, or which one does he own? | ||
| Miss Universe? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| He owns one of them and he had made some sort of distinction that the woman, I forget the specifics, but she had done something inappropriate or what he deemed inappropriate and she was getting her crown removed or something like that. | ||
| So Rosie O'Donnell was mocking him and she's mocking his hair and the way he behaves and the whole deal and she went on this long rant about him on The View. | ||
| And then he went on Letterman and shit all over her, and then they went back and forth and back and forth, and then I saw she made a poem because he had mocked her during the debates. | ||
| One of the things that drove me crazy, because When Hillary Clinton was debating him, she said, you have said this about women, you know, that women, this woman's a pig or this woman. | ||
| Okay, but about which one? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, well, you can't say women overall in general. | ||
| She knew what she was doing. | ||
| She was trying to find, like, this hot-button issue. | ||
| And he's like, well, you know, I said about Rosie O'Donnell. | ||
| And so she was devastated by that. | ||
| She was watching it at home and wrote a whole poem. | ||
| About the sadness creeping in, how it was bothering her, and the whole deal. | ||
| But now she kind of baits him. | ||
| He made a post yesterday about all the jobs that have been created, and he wrote, jobs, jobs, jobs. | ||
| And she retweeted it, quote tweeted it, and said, treason, treason, treason. | ||
| And I'm like, alright. | ||
| Yeah, people really are upset with this one. | ||
| I'm enjoying it. | ||
| I love being alive. | ||
| I love watching it. | ||
| It's fascinating times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Love it. | |
| It's fun! | ||
| It's all these protests. | ||
| People get in front of the Trump Towers and fucking scream. | ||
| I know, and our studio's not far from there, so when the fucking Uber driver decides to go up First Avenue, I know I'm gonna hit traffic crossing town. | ||
| It's like, hey, dummy, go up the other way. | ||
| It's recreational outrage. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| There's so many people that are out there in front of his building. | ||
| Oh, but we were there in the hotel. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| In your hotel at UFC 200. That's right. | ||
| Or was it 205? | ||
| 205. And we had to walk. | ||
| Holy fuck, that was great. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| That was fun. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We walked from my hotel all the way to the UFC because we could not get a fucking car to take us. | ||
| No way. | ||
| There was no car. | ||
| So I had to put a hood on and just fucking barrel down and just plow through all the people. | ||
| And then when we started getting close to Madison Square Garden, it started getting a little crazy. | ||
| Because people recognized us and was getting a little squirly. | ||
| Well, yeah, for you it's very hard, but you walk very purposefully. | ||
| You have a way of getting in and out. | ||
| Because if you stop, there's going to be a fucking fire. | ||
| You've got to tell people you can't stop. | ||
| Because people are like, hey man, take a picture. | ||
| Hold on a second, hold on, let me get my picture. | ||
| Nope, can't do it. | ||
| Can't stop, can't stop. | ||
| There's 50,000 people on the street. | ||
| There's no way I can stop. | ||
| If I stop, I'm fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| One comes over, then it's just too many. | ||
| But it was this feeling in the air, too. | ||
| It was just such a weird feeling. | ||
| It was almost festive. | ||
| People were festive in their protesting. | ||
| It's almost, they're getting excited! | ||
| We're together! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| Fuck him! | ||
| But meanwhile, you're not doing anything. | ||
| You're just yelling. | ||
| You know, this one guy, I've told this story before, but it was just so bizarre because he was screaming out, Donald Trump! | ||
| KKK! Racist! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sexist! | |
| Anti-gay! | ||
| He had this whole thing that he was screaming out. | ||
| And then he sees these black guys walking towards him and he starts yelling out, Black Lives Matter! | ||
| Black Lives Matter! | ||
| He changed his rant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking douchebag. | |
| It was so gross! | ||
| He was such a thin-boned liberal. | ||
| The kind of guy who would cry if they were camping and they ran out of water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are we going to do? | |
| Just that guy. | ||
| A frail meek man. | ||
| He was so frail. | ||
| He was not just frail. | ||
| He was just everything about it. | ||
| The whole chant. | ||
| You know, first of all, This whole racist, sexist, anti-gay... | ||
| Let's just start with anti-gay. | ||
| Like, where? | ||
| Where's the evidence? | ||
| I mean, are you sure he's anti-gay? | ||
| Like, what has he done? | ||
| I don't think he cares. | ||
| I don't think he does either. | ||
| Unless it's making him money or losing him money. | ||
| There was the thing about people... | ||
| Trans rights to be able to use the restroom that they identify with You know that that was a hot-button subject and there was actual government support for people to use the bathroom that they identify with and Boy, that is a tricky one. | ||
| That's one. | ||
| I'm not sure of either. | ||
| Yeah, I feel like that one there almost should be three bathrooms. | ||
| Yeah, like male female and who gives a fuck? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Or put them all as... | ||
| When you can have them all as single bathrooms, gender neutral, that's fine. | ||
| But then businesses go, yeah, but we have men in a woman's room, and it's like, we've just established these are the bathrooms. | ||
| Now what? | ||
| You want us to pay $100,000 to have a new bathroom put in? | ||
| Like, it's a big cost. | ||
| And there were a few people that were arrested. | ||
| A few guys who were arrested for saying they were transgender, and they were peeping and taking pictures of women. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, it's like... | ||
| There are creeps out there. | ||
| And that's scary. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, and then people say, and rightly so, well, those creeps should be punished on an individual basis. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that puts that up to law enforcement, and then you have to have more resources to make sure that these guys aren't doing that, creeping around in female bathrooms and pretending to be transgender. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| Man, when you have an opening for creeps, they're gonna find their way through those cracks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's not necessarily saying that because of creeps, you should punish transgender people, but... | ||
| It's one I'm not sure of the answer to. | ||
| No. | ||
| And I just don't know the answer. | ||
| Like, I don't like the law that they made. | ||
| What is North Carolina... | ||
| That's a little shitty, but I do... | ||
| What was the law in North Carolina that people were so upset about? | ||
| They just said that basically you have to use the men... | ||
| They just said you can't do it. | ||
| Whatever's on your birth certificate, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Can you get that changed? | ||
| I think you can get your birth certificate changed. | ||
| That I don't know. | ||
| I don't know the answer to that. | ||
| See if you can. | ||
| Can you get the gender on your birth certificate changed? | ||
| Google that. | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I think you can. | ||
| But is there a legit complaint? | ||
| Like, if women are in the locker room and someone is legitimately trans, is it odd for them to see somebody walking around with a cop? | ||
| Like, I could get where that would be weird and without being transphobic. | ||
| It's just not something you expect to see in a ladies room. | ||
| Majority of states permit the name and sex to be changed on a birth certificate, either through amending existing birth certificate or by issuing a new one. | ||
| Many states, however, require medical proof of sterilization by sex reassignment surgery. | ||
| What?! | ||
| Proof of sterilization by sex reassignment surgery in order to warrant a gender marker change. | ||
| That's a weird... | ||
| Yeah, you gotta get surgery for the state to agree with you? | ||
| But not just that. | ||
| Sterilization. | ||
| Well, by sex... | ||
| So you're sterilized by the reassignment surgery. | ||
| I know, but that's a weird way of describing it. | ||
| Many states, however, require medical proof of sterilization. | ||
| Because guess what? | ||
| Female to male does not make you sterile. | ||
| When women start taking male hormones, there was this guy with a beard and he was breastfeeding. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| He had gotten pregnant, gave birth, and was breastfeeding. | ||
| And then people were saying, well, what is this kid getting? | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| I mean, this guy's taking exogenous hormones, and this kid is sucking on his tits, like... | ||
| Yeah, I wonder. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe it's not bad for the baby, or maybe he's stopped. | ||
| I have no idea. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I don't know either. | |
| That's where it gets a little dicey. | ||
| And, you know, like, there's bigots in the country, but it's like, other people, it's like, alright, we're trying. | ||
| We're not... | ||
| Everyone's... | ||
| This is a tricky one. | ||
| People are just trying to learn what it is and get used to it, and science is not even 100%, so give people some fucking time to adjust. | ||
| Like, everyone who's not 100% on board is not trans-fucking-phobic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people are. | ||
| Some people are. | ||
| But learn to differentiate that just because a guy says tranny sometimes doesn't mean he hates trans people who's transphobic. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Learn the difference. | ||
| When you're labeling everyone who's not 100% on board transphobic, you lose so many people who would be on your side. | ||
| Well, I think like many things with human beings, people are messy. | ||
| There's messy realities to all of us and I think that's that's what's going on with the whole transgender issue, too You know, I mean that's people are messy, you know It's just the whole thing is we we're weird man. | ||
| We're everything about us is weird from education to marriage to Gender relations to the the roles that we choose right like there's some fucking tweet that I saw today Oh, Smashing Social Justice. | ||
| This is what it was. | ||
| Go to Smashing Social Justice on Instagram. | ||
| And this is like, this just shows how bizarre the way people think. | ||
| There was a line in front of the women's room and no line in front of the men's room. | ||
| And I think the quote was more subtle patriarchy bullshit. | ||
| 20 minute line in front of the women's room, no line in front of the men's room. | ||
| Like, no, that does nothing to do with the patriarchy. | ||
| That has to do with women need an individual stall. | ||
| It requires more, you know, more space. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, no account? | ||
| Account's private? | ||
| It's a private. | ||
| Oh, wow, how weird. | ||
| They're probably getting a lot of hate. | ||
| Why don't you request? | ||
| Request to join. | ||
| You fuck? | ||
| You got locked out? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I'm not logged in on this website. | ||
| Oh, okay, okay, okay. | ||
| That's interesting though that it's a private account. | ||
| It must be they get hated on by people. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah, I tend not to. | ||
| It's funny on Twitter. | ||
| I've seen a few really annoying things in the last month or so, and they're not mentioning me and I'm not following them, so I don't address it. | ||
| It's like they're not talking to me. | ||
| I kind of practice what I've always preached. | ||
| If you're not following me, go fuck yourself. | ||
| I'm not talking to you. | ||
| Well, there's people that will say mean shit to you that aren't following you. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. | ||
| And they try to get your attention. | ||
| But who are those people? | ||
| Like, why would anybody... | ||
| Unless you've done something egregious or you've put something out. | ||
| Like, say, like, if you wrote a book and, you know, like, trans people should all be shot and make the world a lot easier. | ||
| Sure, yeah, of course. | ||
| That's something that someone should address. | ||
| And them doing that and making a big deal out of it makes a lot of sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Putting their foot down. | ||
| But... | ||
| But again, it's like what we're talking about with that guy in the joke. | ||
| Like, people are not necessarily making points. | ||
| They're just looking to be offended. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Recreational outrage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a dumb guy laying there on his side saying, so you're saying that this cock was bigger. | ||
| So you liked having sex with him? | ||
| I would walk them down logical steps just to get them to say painful shit. | ||
| That's what you would do? | ||
| Oh, boy, was I good. | ||
| And you would lie on your side? | ||
| Yes, if we were in bed, I remember being in bed with one girl in particular laying on my side just discussing it in Florida. | ||
| Literally painting her. | ||
| Do you ever see the clip of, and this is where Trump was not media savvy enough, where Chris Matthews I think was painted him into a corner about abortion, so should they be punished for having, like he just did, he's a smart dude, he just did a real media savvy guy thing. | ||
| That Trump, as a non-politician, didn't give a very good answer to, which was about abortion being illegal, and he logically walked him into a corner. | ||
| And then Trump had to go, like, the only answer was, yeah, they put him in jail. | ||
| So that's what I would do to them, but just to get them to say bad shit. | ||
| What a fucking idiot. | ||
| Did you see that one reporter that backed him into a corner when it came to the amount of electoral votes, like how big his electoral victory was? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, he was doing this thing that he does where he brags. | ||
| He's a braggadocious man. | ||
| But you can't do that once you're the fucking president. | ||
| You gotta change your ways. | ||
| And you gotta stop freewheeling. | ||
| He freewheels up there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He does. | |
| And you tie yourself up in knots and all the shit that he was allowed to get away with his whole life, now those become a liability. | ||
| And he was just talking about the Electoral College victory. | ||
| And this guy said, you said that you won by the largest margin in history. | ||
| In fact, that's not the case. | ||
| And then he goes, well, I meant by Republicans. | ||
| Because he says by Barack Obama. | ||
| And then he says, well, George Herbert Walker Bush won by a far larger margin than Obama won. | ||
| He says that. | ||
| And he's like, well, you will agree, though, that I won by a substantial number. | ||
| He just can't say he's wrong. | ||
| I did see that. | ||
| The guy was standing up in the press conference. | ||
| And he goes, oh, people told me that. | ||
| Sometimes you just got to go, I was wrong. | ||
| People don't mind when you're wrong. | ||
| Well, you shouldn't say it. | ||
| But the guy had a point. | ||
| The reporter had a really good point. | ||
| The point was, if you want to point at all these media outlets and say they're fake news and they're giving bad information, how can we listen to you when, in fact, you're giving bad information? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, that was a great point. | ||
| Maybe because people don't let you off the hook, but if you say you're wrong about something... | ||
| Hey, I made a mistake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People have a tendency to look at you and like you for that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because nobody thinks you didn't. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Everybody knows you did. | ||
| Own up to it. | ||
| We're all human. | ||
| No one's perfect. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm bad at that, though. | |
| As a person, I'm bad at that. | ||
| So I'm saying that he should do it. | ||
| I think everybody's bad at it. | ||
| Well, I shouldn't say everyone. | ||
| A great many of us are very bad at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a very hard thing to admit, especially if you feel like you're being challenged. | ||
| It's very hard to admit that you're wrong. | ||
| Yeah, like to just go, hey man, I made an error. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. | ||
| Yeah, but it's that feeling like I lost the exchange. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Instead of winning, I lost. | ||
| Gotta learn how to lose. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's one of the good things about Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| You learn how to lose. | ||
| You do, right? | ||
| You have to. | ||
| Everybody's tapping you. | ||
| You get tapped all the time, especially in the beginning. | ||
| Yeah, I said I'm going to take jiu-jitsu, and I'm only going to take it until I get tapped. | ||
| Then I'm finished. | ||
| You're taking it for one day, then. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I really want to do it. | ||
| It really wasn't an issue of being tired. | ||
| It's like you walk into a place, you get a vibe, and Matt walked me in. | ||
| Matt's just the mayor. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Everyone loves this guy. | ||
| The governor, even. | ||
| Oh, he's so great. | ||
| The governor of jiu-jitsu state. | ||
| He really is, and they love him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody does. | |
| He's probably the most genuine guy. | ||
| There's no bullshit in this guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I love Matt because he hates bullies. | ||
| He fucking hates bullies. | ||
| He's one of those guys who just doesn't tolerate a guy who... | ||
| Well, he's a short guy. | ||
| Probably people fucked with him when he was younger. | ||
| Yeah, he said that too. | ||
| He got picked on. | ||
| He just can't stand it. | ||
| A lot of guys, that's what leads them to martial arts in the first place. | ||
| Georges St-Pierre, the same thing. | ||
| Just tired of being bullied. | ||
| Yeah, tired of people fucking with him, you know? | ||
| Well, he walked me in Henzo's place, and I really liked the energy in there. | ||
| The people he introduced me to are so nice. | ||
| So it's something I'm going to do. | ||
| Well, Henzo's place, sorry to interrupt you, but it's one of the best places in the world, and it's in your neighborhood. | ||
| I know, it's not far. | ||
| It's a few minutes. | ||
| It's one of the best in the world. | ||
| People travel from other countries to come and train in Henzo's. | ||
| They do. | ||
| A hundred percent. | ||
| John Donaher was one of the guys there. | ||
| He is a fucking genius. | ||
| He is one of the most respected guys in jiu-jitsu today. | ||
| And what they call the Donaher death squad, like all those guys like Gary Tonin and Eddie Cummins. | ||
| There's so many really great jiu-jitsu players that he's training and mentoring. | ||
| In that one gym. | ||
| That one place, Henzo's place, is absolutely one of the most respected places in the world. | ||
| And I think today or yesterday is Henzo's birthday, so happy birthday, Henzo Gracie. | ||
| I've never met him. | ||
| Great guy. | ||
| He's come out unfiltered a couple of times. | ||
| He's amazing. | ||
| And Matt will bring him in as a co-host, but I've never actually sat down. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, I want to sit with him. | ||
| But I really liked the energy and the people were very nice. | ||
| And it was like, you know, you walk into a place, like, I could see myself being here or I couldn't. | ||
| But I didn't feel nervous or uncomfortable. | ||
| I mean, this is a place I could come and learn this. | ||
| Like, I would love to. | ||
| Plus, when you talk about it, even though I talk about it, I'm not a fucking expert on it. | ||
| Like, you want to know from experience what certain things feel like. | ||
| And it would make me more knowledgeable. | ||
| Well, you were always having people strangle you. | ||
| Just for the feeling, to see it. | ||
| But I respected it so much more after that. | ||
| Like, when you feel... | ||
| Ken Velasquez puts a fucking guillotine choker. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For a second, you're like, oh. | ||
| And the fact that guys do that... | ||
| With the intention of hurting you and choking you out in a real fight. | ||
| Staggers me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like when Jon Jones... | ||
| The worst one I took was fucking Jones. | ||
| That big Jon Jones shin in my leg. | ||
| But I told you, I felt like I had to shit. | ||
| My body... | ||
| This video of it, I was very fat when that happened. | ||
| It was a fat fuck. | ||
| And I literally... | ||
| I was... | ||
| My body just... | ||
| Here it is right here. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Give me some volume. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One, two, and three. | |
| *laughter* *laughter* Oh, that was a delayed thing! | ||
| Oh, Jesus! | ||
| Oh, looky there! | ||
| You're in agony. | ||
| I feel like I have to shit! | ||
|
unidentified
|
*laughter* That was all shitting, dude. | |
| You know what's fucked up about that? | ||
| I mean, he barely hit you. | ||
| He didn't put full strength in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not at all. | |
| That was like fight week. | ||
| Sometimes don't get them on fight week to do it because they're a bit ordering. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, they're amped up. | |
| Cutting weight and not happy. | ||
| But he didn't even hit you hard. | ||
| He didn't even hit you hard. | ||
| Oh, he's going to choke you in this one? | ||
| You can tell by the different outfit. | ||
| This was a second appearance. | ||
| Oh, this is horrible. | ||
| The way he's doing that, that's a horrible choke. | ||
| Oh, that's horrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's horrible. | |
| How was that, Jimmy? | ||
| That's a horrible choke. | ||
| Because he's going... | ||
| That's an esophagus-style guillotine choke. | ||
| Because he's using the bone of the forearm across the front of your neck. | ||
| Yes, he was. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| That's the most painful of the guillotine chokes. | ||
| Yeah, he did it, and... | ||
| The kick, though, hurt me. | ||
| The leg one. | ||
| I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. | ||
| Actually, I felt like I was going to vomit. | ||
| I had to go to the bathroom and splash water on myself. | ||
| I literally had to put water on my face because I was like, I might pass out. | ||
| It was because my body had not been... | ||
| It was like a shock to the system. | ||
| And I hadn't felt that before. | ||
| Well, your nerves, too. | ||
| It slams into that meat of your thigh. | ||
| And all those nerves that run down the side of your leg are all impacted. | ||
| And your whole system just gets jacked. | ||
| Dude, but then you watch someone like Edson Barbosa kicking people like that a lot. | ||
| And I'm like, this is a guy standing there who knows this is coming. | ||
| He takes it and he continues. | ||
| Well, that's a different thing because you're so pumped up with adrenaline. | ||
| You're in the middle of the fight. | ||
| I mean, those guys are in agony afterwards, though, for sure. | ||
| They're walking out of there in deep, deep, deep pain. | ||
| But to have felt any remote, even if it's a 10%, to have felt that at all and then know that when he's doing that because he wants to fucking put you out, he's doing 100%. | ||
| You know what you should do? | ||
| You should do it for your show, where you, like, decide to... | ||
| Like, if you filmed it, if you filmed, like, your first day at Henzo's, and, like, do it on that, like, for a YouTube channel, and go out there and... | ||
| Do you have a YouTube channel? | ||
| You have your own YouTube channel? | ||
| Yeah, I don't do much with it. | ||
| I do more on the radio shows one now, just because we put our episodes up. | ||
| This would be a good opportunity to do it, though. | ||
| Have someone come and film you taking your first class and have someone, you know, put it together, make a 10-minute little video out of it and you talking about what it's like to take your first jiu-jitsu class and then commit to it and do it three times a week. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to do that because a couple days I could do it right after the gym. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, don't do that. | ||
| Oh, I shouldn't? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| You'll be too tired. | ||
| You're going to lift weights and then go do jiu-jitsu? | ||
| You're going to get fucked up. | ||
| I do the gym four days a week. | ||
| Four days a week? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| That's really good, man. | ||
| That's really good. | ||
| Yeah, I'm scheduled. | ||
| I go right after radio. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And then, well, if you did jiu-jitsu at night, that'd be fine. | ||
| If you give yourself a few hours to recover. | ||
| Yeah, I taught with stand-up though. | ||
| My schedule stinks. | ||
| I'm up at 7 on the air at 8 to 11, fucking the gym. | ||
| You have a crazy schedule. | ||
| I filter two days a week. | ||
| Why did you decide to do morning radio again? | ||
| Didn't you guys have the opportunity to do it in the afternoon? | ||
| We wanted the mornings. | ||
| There's more people listening in the morning. | ||
| But it's also because I became so used to it that I wound up, when I travel, there's travel days, man, that I would miss. | ||
| If I have to leave Thursday for a Friday gig, I don't want to miss Thursday and Friday's show. | ||
| And the guests are better in the morning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Got it. | |
| The better guest is more people in the building. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But afternoons is fun. | ||
| Sam and I pre-taped last night for this morning show just because I was so fucking tired. | ||
| I knew I was coming here and I just wanted to do it. | ||
| It's hard to get good guests in the afternoon? | ||
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Because a lot of times the good guests that you're going to get in New York, they're doing Fallon, they're doing Colbert. | ||
| So by three or four o'clock, they're Amping up to go over to the studio. | ||
| Oh, Colbert's in New York, too? | ||
| He is, yeah. | ||
| He's in Leatherman's old studio. | ||
| Oh, okay, yeah. | ||
| And Seth Meyers, too, right? | ||
| Seth Meyers. | ||
| And they will get good guests, but it's just, we get, I'd say, 70% more people are coming through in the morning. | ||
| Plus, Howard's in the morning. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So, like, sometimes people come in to do him, or they'll do this or that. | ||
| Andy Cohen's got a show. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| Plus, it makes me feel like I can go to the gym. | ||
| If you let me sleep all day, I'll end up getting up at fucking 1.30. | ||
| I'll be on the air by 3 till 7, and then I'll go fucking do spots, and I'm up all night on the computer. | ||
| I'm up to no good if I have all that time. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Because you can't go take jiu-jitsu at 1.30 in the morning. | ||
| If that was an option... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'd do afternoons, go take jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Well, New York City seems like there would be a place where you could do jiu-jitsu in the 1 o'clock in the afternoon, or 1 o'clock in the morning, rather. | ||
| Once I'm up, I just gotta go. | ||
| Like, Monday, Monday's my busiest. | ||
| It's fucking radio, gym, unfiltered, and I'm home by, like... | ||
| 3 or 3.30 in the afternoon. | ||
| So I feel like I get a lot done. | ||
| And do you go out that night and do stand-up on Monday nights? | ||
| Monday I'll do two sets because there's a regular set at the Cellar and around the corner they have New Joke Night. | ||
| Will Silvins runs New Joke Night. | ||
| It's a great show. | ||
| Oh, nice. | ||
| So how many nights a week are you doing stand-up? | ||
| Six or seven. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Yeah, almost every night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because I'm working on, because the special comes out today. | ||
| Oh, that's right, that's right. | ||
| And I started, I shot in December, so I've been since December working on material just to get it. | ||
| So now I'm like, wow, I got a new 35, you know. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| I just drop it as soon as I'm done, I shoot. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| I'm sick of it, right? | ||
| By that point, you're like, oh, enough. | ||
| Jerry Seinfeld did the improv the other night and did 20-year-old jokes. | ||
| Did a set, did a couple of new bits, and then he did jokes from like 20 years ago. | ||
| Did he really? | ||
| Yeah, and a couple of my friends were in the audience. | ||
| They're like, what is he doing? | ||
| Like, why is he doing these jokes that everybody knows? | ||
| And I guess in his eyes, they're like classic songs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, it's like you go to see the Beatles, you want to hear them. | ||
| I don't know why I said the Beatles. | ||
| They're all dead. | ||
| Yeah, pick someone on the better, Leonard Skiddard. | ||
| Guns N' Roses. | ||
| They're dead too, but... | ||
| If you go to see, you know, whatever, whoever the fuck it is, you expect to hear the classics, I guess. | ||
| Maybe it's different when you're a guy from a different era. | ||
| He's from a different era than we are. | ||
| Well, plus songs don't have to catch you off guard. | ||
| Jokes do. | ||
| That's why jokes don't work forever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Because a song you hear and you become familiar with and you learn the lyrics, you know? | ||
| Yeah, and you like it. | ||
| You like it more. | ||
| You want to hear, I mean, songs repeat themselves. | ||
| Doug Stanhope has a great bit about that. | ||
| He has a great bit about songs being fucking lazy. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| You have to hear it. | ||
| He says like the same punchline over and over and over again, and then he just... | ||
| I don't want to give away the actual way he sets up the bit, but it's fucking really funny. | ||
| That's very funny. | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| Yeah, but some guys, they don't want to let go of that shit. | ||
| They don't want to let go of that old stuff. | ||
| No, they feel comfortable. | ||
| Well, Jerry has always said, and I don't know him, but I mean, I don't know him well. | ||
| I know him. | ||
| He said he thinks that people come for the act and not the performer. | ||
| And maybe at one point they did. | ||
| They want to see your act. | ||
| I think Leno feels that way, too. | ||
| They come to see the jokes. | ||
| In a way, that's true, but I also think that once they know your jokes, they want new jokes from the personality they like. | ||
| Yeah, like Seinfeld did that, I'm telling you, for the last time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Where he did a whole hour special of old jokes. | ||
| Yeah, that he was done with. | ||
| Yeah, but that was like, those are jokes, again, they were 20-year-old bits. | ||
| And I don't think that special was well-received. | ||
| I honestly don't know. | ||
| I don't think I saw it. | ||
| I understand why you'd want to do that if you want to make some money. | ||
| But it doesn't feel good to do it. | ||
| And when I see him do new shit, it's like his new stuff kills. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, when he goes up and just starts working on things, you see he's a fucking really good comic. | ||
| He's a great comic. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| But I think his idea is different than the idea of the current guys. | ||
| And maybe in a bit, he's resisting this new trend. | ||
| It's the trend that everybody does. | ||
| Well, it's Burr or CK or you. | ||
| Everybody releases a special and then abandon the material. | ||
| I do it. | ||
| Ari does it. | ||
| Everybody I know does it. | ||
| And then there's a few guys that just don't release specials. | ||
| They just don't. | ||
| And they have, like, really old material. | ||
| Like, I know a few guys that are, like, really good comics, but they just don't put out specials. | ||
| Because they want to keep doing the act. | ||
| They just don't want to be committed also to recording. | ||
| There's a lot of pressure to batten everything down and tighten it up and then get ready to release it. | ||
| Ready, press play, record, go! | ||
| There's a lot of pressure in that. | ||
| I love doing it until I'm finished. | ||
| Amy did it weird. | ||
| She did her special, and then she toured until the special aired. | ||
| So now she has to start over. | ||
| For me, as soon as it was shot, I wanted it done. | ||
| So by the time it airs, there's some. | ||
| I couldn't wait to not say those things anymore. | ||
| I couldn't fucking wait. | ||
| To not say that shit, man. | ||
| I just wanted it finished. | ||
| Yeah, everybody's got their own way of doing it. | ||
| You know, but I think the point is that in this day and age, the public demands content. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| You have to put it out. | ||
| And you're putting out a lot of content anyway because you have your radio show, you have your podcast. | ||
| You know, I remember you used to write a lot of blogs and you used to be pretty prolific with blogs. | ||
| That was because we were off the radio and I was blogging all these sections. | ||
| That actually became Happy Endings, the first book. | ||
| It was all these blogs I wrote about things I was doing and I had nowhere... | ||
| I started writing again recently. | ||
| I really want to do another book. | ||
| I had a sexual experience with this girl and I just had to write after it because it was... | ||
| It was really weird and intimate and sexy and yet... | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I just felt connected. | ||
| I felt really connected. | ||
| No drugs. | ||
| No drugs. | ||
| And then she texted me from the elevator and said, which one is the lobby? | ||
| And I realized what a dope I had just had a second experience with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which one is the lobby? | |
| The L. The one that says L. I am not kidding you that she asked which one was the lobby and she wasn't joking. | ||
| Innocent mistake. | ||
| Super innocent. | ||
| I had to write. | ||
| I had to write it. | ||
| I'm not good at going back and grabbing shit. | ||
| Maybe that's the radio training where you're just alive or we're talking. | ||
| But I had to do it in the moment and just write it. | ||
| I'm good at writing then, but I'm not good at going back and going, wow, two years ago when this happened and people asked about the O.B. Anthony show, I'm like, I'm not good at going back and writing all that shit because the emotion for it has passed. | ||
| Do you ever try those transcription software programs where you talk and it just records what you're saying? | ||
| I have it on the phone. | ||
| I'll hit Siri, but I do use that a lot. | ||
| I used to write for Time once in a while, and I would just talk out the whole fucking article because I'm not good at starting. | ||
| And all of a sudden, I'm good at organizing and editing. | ||
| But I yapped it out already. | ||
| What were you writing for Time magazine? | ||
| They would ask me to write about... | ||
| The first article I wrote, I wish I didn't write, actually, about prostitution. | ||
| LAUGHTER Why do you wish he didn't write it? | ||
| Because there are certain things I said. | ||
| I wish I had said it smarter. | ||
| I wish I had been clearer. | ||
| Because I was talking about how John shouldn't be embarrassed. | ||
| And in a way, I agree with that. | ||
| But there were certain things that people in the sex industry who had been victims of trafficking and stuff. | ||
| I should have probably addressed that better. | ||
| There is a big difference between trafficking and a woman who just decides to... | ||
| Have sex with guys for money and there are a lot of those women and feminists don't want to admit those women exist Because they so for them they'll push up the trafficking numbers because it's a stronger argument against prostitution It's like right I get it the trafficker should be executed and save the people who are being trafficked But if someone makes a decision and they just want to do it Well, there's one friend of mine who's an artist and she's a feminist and she's actually pretty successful and she's actually talked pretty openly about when she was younger she would do stuff like that. | ||
| Where she would fuck older rich guys for money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And she's like, there's nothing wrong with it. | ||
| Like, I chose to do it. | ||
| I did it because it was a great way for me to pay my bills. | ||
| It was easy. | ||
| These are guys I chose to have sex with. | ||
| They were nice guys. | ||
| I'd fuck them. | ||
| I'd take the money. | ||
| And she'd make, you know, I don't know, whatever the pay was, a thousand bucks, whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| And she could get that in a couple hours rather than working for an entire week. | ||
| Or more, probably. | ||
| More than a week back. | ||
| And it's the same group of people that are saying, you shouldn't be ashamed of sex and keep your laws off my body are the same ones that are saying, if you're getting paid for it, you should be ashamed of it and I should be able to legislate. | ||
| It's so silly. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| It's all silly because, first of all, should you be ashamed if you massage people? | ||
| Because you give them a back rub? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Is that shameful? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a very respected thing. | ||
| If someone tells you they're a massage therapist, oh, you're making people feel good. | ||
| What do you do? | ||
| I just rub dicks. | ||
| I'm really good at rubbing dicks and guys like it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| They probably feel real good. | ||
| But no, when it comes to pleasure, we don't allow pleasure in the genital area. | ||
| We're like, oh, that's the dirty, naughty pressure. | ||
| I don't go to Asian massage places. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| No, or Russian. | ||
| Because they feel like those, to me, are more... | ||
| Sex slaves? | ||
| I don't like the energy there. | ||
| I'm very rarely gone. | ||
| I've gotten maybe two in my life in those places, and I don't go, ever. | ||
| I will not go to massage places. | ||
| You're an ethical pervert. | ||
| I feel like I like to... | ||
| And I know that there are certain women that do it because I've had a couple of women I dated, legitimately dated, that wound up doing stuff like that for money after that they told me about. | ||
| Like, really? | ||
| And had never been my dynamic with them. | ||
| So I know for 100% of the fact they weren't being pimped at force. | ||
| I know they weren't. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I don't like... | ||
| A massage place where I think somebody has to do it. | ||
| Like, it doesn't, again, that's just sad to me. | ||
| Like, we're a Russian place where I think that they're being brought over for these reasons. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| If I'm talking to a girl, I get contacted with social media all the time. | ||
| And if I've talked to her, I find out she's Russian. | ||
| And not to be racist, Russian girls are hot! | ||
| But I start to doubt what the... | ||
| Like I talked to one girl off a website, and I wasn't game right away, and she got a little weird. | ||
| I'm like, are you being forced to do this? | ||
| And she was like, oh, no, no, I'll talk to you later. | ||
| We just never spoke again. | ||
| But I'm like, it was just weird. | ||
| It wasn't sexy. | ||
| So you think she was setting you up? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's just not a sexy energy. | ||
| Not even setting me up, but maybe someone was doing it so she had to pay back something. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But that's not a sexy energy. | ||
| That's a sad energy. | ||
| Yeah, that's interesting. | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| So you definitely clearly differentiate. | ||
| Yeah, you're an ethical pervert. | ||
| There's nothing wrong with that. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| You're a good guy. | ||
| Yeah, I just... | ||
| I don't like the idea of... | ||
| But I think everybody should look at it that way. | ||
| It's almost like... | ||
| But people get married just for money. | ||
| Like, how many people get married? | ||
| It's like, what are you, just a hooker with one client? | ||
| I mean, is that what you are? | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| I met this woman the other day. | ||
| She was like 40 years old, hot as fuck. | ||
| Her husband looks like he's about 70. He's got terrible posture. | ||
| He's leaning over. | ||
| He stepped out of a fucking badass Bentley or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| Some beautiful car. | ||
| And you're like, Oh, okay. | ||
| I see what's going on there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| I mean, maybe he's got the best personality ever, but the dude looked like he was just falling asleep while he was walking. | ||
| Yeah, you know what that's about. | ||
| It's a real rich, older guy who got some hot piece of ass who was younger than him by at least 30 years. | ||
| And they're both getting what they want. | ||
| She wants a guy who maybe talks to her nicely and isn't some young guy that's fucking, you know, acting like an asshole who can take care of her. | ||
| He wants a young, beautiful... | ||
| Like, as long as you're both honest and respectful, who cares? | ||
| It is a form of prostitution. | ||
| Sure it is. | ||
| It is absolutely... | ||
| A lot of marriages are a form of prostitution. | ||
| People just don't want to admit it because they think that prostitution is bad. | ||
| Sex for money is bad. | ||
| But, like, there's a lot of people that are engaged in some sexual relations with people that are only doing it for money. | ||
| How many women try to trap basketball players? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So you're a prostitute. | ||
| If you try to trap a ball player and get pregnant, you want the money. | ||
| That's prostitution. | ||
| Well, it's a payday. | ||
| They want a kid. | ||
| They want some dick. | ||
| They want some cash. | ||
| It's a package deal. | ||
| It's a beautiful package deal. | ||
| Look, you can't get a better package than getting knocked up by an NBA guy. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ. | ||
| Who wouldn't take a load from LeBron? | ||
| You're never going to ask him to put a bag on. | ||
| You're crazy if you do. | ||
| A lot of money, you know? | ||
| And there's nothing he can sign where if you have a kid, you won't get money. | ||
| He can't sign away that kid's right to his money. | ||
| As soon as they came out with genetic testing, boy, that changed the game. | ||
| Yes, it did. | ||
| No one denying. | ||
| Changed the game. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to tell me fucking Ty Cobb didn't lie about a few of them? | ||
| I'm sure. | ||
| You know where Ted Williams? | ||
| Doesn't even look like me! | ||
| Good point, Ted. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Those guys probably dump loads into gals all over the country. | ||
| No way. | ||
| How are you going to find out? | ||
| How would you find out? | ||
| Who's she going to tell? | ||
| Who is she going to tell? | ||
| I fucked Ty Cobb in some way. | ||
| You know, it's a different game, man. | ||
| Babe Ruth. | ||
| A lot of fat-faced little babies running around there. | ||
| They probably are. | ||
| Little legs moving quick. | ||
| Little Babe Ruth legs moving. | ||
| It's so funny when you look back at Babe Ruth. | ||
| That body that he had was so ridiculous. | ||
| His fat gut and Fat Gut. | ||
| Eating hot dogs, drinking beer. | ||
| Good picture, though. | ||
| He's a real multifaceted player. | ||
| And I love the quote in Cobb. | ||
| It ran pretty well for Fat Man. | ||
| That was the only nice thing you could say about Babe Ruth. | ||
| Cobb is one of the most underrated films ever, by the way, with fucking Robert Wool and Tommy Lee Jones as Ty Cobb. | ||
| It's a good movie. | ||
| Probably fairly accurate. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, you think of how cunty a lot of athletes are, and especially back then, with really very few repercussions for being a piece of shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It really wouldn't get out. | ||
| And I won't say the quote, but it's got, arguably, the best quote in movie history, which I'll tell you after. | ||
| Why won't you tell me now? | ||
| It's just really vicious and racist, and I just don't want to deal with anything. | ||
| I know the one. | ||
| I know what you're talking about. | ||
| It's my favorite quote ever. | ||
| There's no way to squeeze it in the conversation. | ||
| But it's a funny... | ||
| It's just a funny fucking thing. | ||
| It's a funny thing, too, when you think about athletes and how competitive they have to be and how ruthless you have to be, you know, and then that sort of bleeds out into the rest of their life, you know, and it bleeds out into the way they deal with the fellow players, the way they deal with women, the way they deal with managers or anybody. | ||
| I mean, athletics is a ruthless, ruthless pursuit. | ||
| It is. | ||
| I mean, it just is. | ||
| Have you had Tyson on? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh, he'd be great. | ||
| I would love to. | ||
| You've had him on your show, right? | ||
| A bunch, yeah. | ||
| And I'm sure he would do this if he was here. | ||
| He would love you. | ||
| I'm sure he does love you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He loves UFC. Yeah, when I first met him, he was, yeah, you're that weed dude. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's awesome. | ||
| But he's a great athlete. | ||
| He's like kind of the personification of everything that can go right and everything that can go wrong. | ||
| And sort of balance out at the end. | ||
| I mean, he sort of achieves homeostasis at the end of his life. | ||
| What's that mean? | ||
| Balance. | ||
| I mean, he's at 50 years old. | ||
| He's gotten a family. | ||
| He's got this great new career where he does that one-man show and it's hugely successful. | ||
| He loves it. | ||
| There was a recent article in Sports Illustrated where he was talking about doing that one-man show and how excited he gets to do it and how fun it is. | ||
| He's amazing at it, too. | ||
| And then that documentary sort of revived him and then the one-man show came behind that. | ||
| So he's like in this new stage in his life where he's achieved this strange new balance, you know? | ||
| Like Foreman. | ||
| They always say Foreman. | ||
| When we were kings, it might have been Norman Mailer who said he was not a likable guy in the 70s. | ||
| Then he gets knocked out, he comes back, and he's a lovable guy. | ||
| Grill salesman, funny dude. | ||
| One of my favorite clips ever is him on The Tonight Show. | ||
| There's a clip of him talking to Johnny Carson in 1990 before he fought Alex Stewart. | ||
| It's like a minute ahead. | ||
| It's just a funny... | ||
| What a lovable, fun guy. | ||
| He was a different guy when he came back, for sure. | ||
| He became a preacher. | ||
| He ballooned up to well over 300 pounds. | ||
| And what's really interesting is he made his comeback. | ||
| I want to say he was 36 years old. | ||
| And everybody thought it was a joke. | ||
| He was hugely fat, like way, way, way overweight when he made his first comeback fight. | ||
| And I remember as a boxing fan, I was like, wow, that's kind of sad. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| And then slowly but surely over time, his body trimmed down and he got more muscle and less fat. | ||
| And then he knocked Jerry Cooney the fuck out. | ||
| And when he did that, everybody went, whoa, he is for real. | ||
| Like, this is crazy. | ||
| Like, George Foreman, not only is he for real, he might be a better fighter than he was when he was young. | ||
| I remember when he fought Evander Holyfield, and he lost. | ||
| I think he lost the decision, if I remember correctly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he did. | |
| And I love at the end, he said something about, this is for people over 40. Hip, hip, hooray! | ||
| That was such a great quote by George Foreman after losing. | ||
| Like, what a victory it was for age. | ||
| He knocked out Michael Moore. | ||
| I want to say he was 46 years old. | ||
| And Michael Moore was beating him and winning, and he hit him with a straight right hand on the chin, and Moore just flattened. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| I think he was the oldest guy to ever gain the heavyweight title at the time. | ||
| Who did he beat for the title? | ||
| Did he beat Michael Moore for the title? | ||
| I think he beat Michael Moore for the title. | ||
| Oh, and then he lost at the Holyfield? | ||
| Is that what happened? | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Do I have time to piss one more time? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| Piss one more time. | ||
| We'll wrap this thing up when you come back. | ||
| Find out how old George Foreman was when he won the heavyweight title. | ||
| And here's the thing, I don't think they had human growth, or if they did have human growth hormone, it wasn't really being used by boxers, I don't think. | ||
| They used to get human growth hormone from the pituitary glands of dead people. | ||
| He was 45. 45 when he won the title? | ||
| And beat 26-year-old Michael Moore. | ||
| Wow, Michael Moore was only 26 at the time. | ||
| Michael Moore was a murderer at light heavyweight. | ||
| He was one of the best light heavyweights ever. | ||
| But light heavyweight was too hard for him to make, so he went up to heavyweight. | ||
| And that was when he won the title. | ||
| And then who did he lose it to? | ||
| Did he lose it to Holyfield? | ||
| Lost to Tommy... | ||
| Tommy Morrison, too. | ||
| Lost a decision to Tommy Morrison. | ||
| It was like Tommy Morrison's biggest victory ever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that was like post... | ||
| The Morrison loss was just before he beat Michael Moore. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Interesting. | ||
| He lost to Shannon Briggs. | ||
| He lost a decision to Shannon Briggs, Shannon the Cannon, let's go champ. | ||
| And then, I feel like the... | ||
| Holyfield was before it too. | ||
| The Shannon fight, oh, it was before it as well. | ||
| Holyfield lost was 91, Morrison was... | ||
| What's the order of his fights? | ||
| So he had the Holyfield loss, the Morrison loss, and then right afterwards he got a shot at the title? | ||
| Yeah, that's what it says. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Why would they give him a shot at the title right away after two losses? | ||
| The Morrison fight was for the vacant WBO heavyweight title, and then he won the WBA, IBF, and lineal heavyweight titles when he beat Michael Moore a year later. | ||
| Oh, okay, so Morrison beat him for the WBO title. | ||
| He lost that decision. | ||
| A lot of people thought that he should have won the Shannon Briggs fight, I believe. | ||
| Was it the Shannon Briggs fight or was it the Morrison fight? | ||
| I'd have to go back and look at it again. | ||
| I think maybe both of them were controversial. | ||
| But, uh, the Morrison, or the Morrero fight... | ||
| Morrison is an undisputed decision, and, uh, Briggs was a mixed, MD? Is that a mixed decision, or what is that? | ||
| Majority decision. | ||
| That was Briggs. | ||
| Yeah, the Briggs fight was the one I think that was controversial. | ||
| Who was that Shannon Briggs against? | ||
| Yeah, George Foreman. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| We're just going over the George Foreman career. | ||
| Let's wrap this up. | ||
| Yeah, this was fun, dude. | ||
| Always a good time, my brother! | ||
| I'm going to ask you one prediction. | ||
| Anthony Johnson against Cormier. | ||
| I do not have a prediction. | ||
| I never predict. | ||
| But I think that if it goes into the third, fourth, and fifth rounds, it's going to be really hard for Rumble to win. | ||
| I think Rumble's chances of winning the fight come early. | ||
| He's a goddamn short-term hurricane that rips the house right out of the foundation. | ||
| He's not necessarily a long, long storm. | ||
| I think what Rumble does is comes at you fast and hard, and he can go fast and hard better than anybody. | ||
| It's just really hard for him to go with that style more than three rounds. | ||
| The only time we've ever seen him do it three rounds, he beat Phil Davis. | ||
| He beat the shit out of him for three rounds, but Phil Davis wasn't threatening him. | ||
| He was fighting at his pace. | ||
| He was completely in control of that fight, and he won a clear-cut, unanimous decision. | ||
| Hurt Davis a bunch of times, and it was super dangerous. | ||
| Also, I feel like Rumble Johnson today is scarier than the Rumble Johnson that fought Phil Davis. | ||
| But Rumble, when he fought DC the first time, when he fought Cormier the first time, he was preparing for Jon Jones, so he's preparing for a different fight. | ||
| The fight was a last-minute replacement with Cormier. | ||
| And Cormier just out-wrestled him. | ||
| I mean, Daniel's one of the best wrestlers in the sport, period. | ||
| Out-wrestled him, and then eventually got his back and choked him. | ||
| I just think that it's a terrifying fight for Cormier. | ||
| Because this fucking guy hits so goddamn hard. | ||
| And if you make any mistakes, any mistakes, he lands a fucking nuclear bomb on your face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, it's... | |
| There's very few people that scare fighters the way that Rumble does. | ||
| It's like that old school, I'm afraid, of being beaten up in the schoolyard. | ||
| When Khabib beat Michael Johnson the way he had him on the ground, that's how I would get beaten up. | ||
| That was so claustrophobic for me to watch that, to not be able to pull your arm. | ||
| That was a really uncomfortable fight, because I can't fight. | ||
| Yeah, I wanted it stopped. | ||
| I wanted to stop before they stopped it. | ||
| It was bothering me. | ||
| I was like, this guy's not gonna win this fight. | ||
| He's getting the fuck beat out of him. | ||
| He's getting his head punched in. | ||
| He's one of the best fighters in the world. | ||
| You're ruining him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He's just taking this beating. | ||
| Like, just stop the goddamn fight. | ||
| He was so outmatched. | ||
| But he did hurt Khabib earlier in the fight. | ||
| He hurt Khabib in the very first round. | ||
| But then the fucking Khabib not being able to make the weight against Tony Ferguson, I'm just like, this goddamn weight cutting. | ||
| God, it's such a horrible, horrible practice. | ||
| It makes me sick. | ||
| That was heartbreaking, because everybody wants that fight, and now it's like they're going to be scared to put him against Conor. | ||
| I mean, they're going to have that be that fucking main event? | ||
| You can't. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| And by the way, we talked about it on the Fight Companion podcast we did the other day. | ||
| We pulled up the Luke Rockhold quote. | ||
| Luke Rockhold is his training partner. | ||
| And he was saying that he couldn't get blood to his liver. | ||
| And that was something that was going on. | ||
| He was in deep pain. | ||
| He wasn't getting blood to his liver. | ||
| I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? | ||
| And this guy's going to do that again? | ||
| He's going to lose that weight again after that? | ||
| And apparently he said that he had the same problem in the Michael Johnson fight. | ||
| In the Michael Johnson fight, he wound up getting down to 155, but he was having the same issue, where he wasn't getting blood to his liver. | ||
| Like, what the fuck, man? | ||
| You know, and George St. Pierre did an interview today where he's saying that it's going to kill one of us. | ||
| Like, one of us is going to die from weight cutting. | ||
| Well, he's going to middleweight now, right? | ||
| I think that's one of the reasons why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's better. | |
| Yeah, I think it's better. | ||
| I mean, look how goddamn good Kelvin Gastelum looked against Vitor Belfort this weekend. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Phenomenal. | |
| Yeah, he's faster. | ||
| Johnny Hendricks, I thought, looked good, too. | ||
| Yeah, he looked great. | ||
| He looked great against Hector Lombard. | ||
| You wouldn't think getting heavier makes you faster, but I guess... | ||
| It's just not draining yourself. | ||
| That's all it is, because he's not getting heavier. | ||
| He's always heavy, but he would be the same weight and then dehydrate himself down to 170 and then go back up to like 190, somewhere around then, which is probably what Johnny Hendricks was instead this time. | ||
| Just lost a couple of pounds, made 185 easy, and then looked fucking great against Hector Lombard. | ||
| I would like to see more guys do that, because I think that's so much healthier, and the performances are better. | ||
| Look at Donald Cerrone. | ||
| Donald Cerrone, since going up to welterweight, looks far better than he looked at lightweight. | ||
| Yeah, I always wonder why they do that. | ||
| And I've asked them before, and they just say, look, because you're going to be fighting a heavier guy. | ||
| I'm like, why don't you just fight at your normal... | ||
| Kind of your weight you walk around at. | ||
| Wouldn't that be better to not have to cut all that weight and put it back on? | ||
| It just seems crazy. | ||
| Honestly, in their defense, I think there should be more weight classes. | ||
| I think there should be a weight class every 10 pounds. | ||
| I think if there was a weight class every 10 pounds, it would alleviate a lot of the extreme cutting. | ||
| You'd have a 145, 155, 165, 175, 85, 95, and then go up like that. | ||
| I think if we did that, we'd have more champions. | ||
| It would be more exciting. | ||
| I think it would be an excellent way to have champion versus champion fights because it wouldn't be that much of a difference in weight. | ||
| Much closer, right, right, right. | ||
| Yeah, that would be interesting to watch. | ||
| Maybe they'll do it. | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| 65 versus 75 pound champ, 55 versus 65. There's a lot of fights you can make when you have these big-ass super fights. | ||
| That one guy could go up a little, one guy could come down a little. | ||
| It's not a giant jump. | ||
| I felt bad for Tony Ferguson. | ||
| It just sucks. | ||
| It does suck. | ||
| Are you going to come up to that Buffalo fight? | ||
| I don't know if I'm working for a Cormier Johnson in Buffalo, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, if I can, I will. | ||
| I only usually go to Vegas, but that's one I want to see. | ||
| Is Yair Rodriguez on that one? | ||
| That's 211. Yeah, Yair is 211, I think. | ||
| It's Weidman against Musashi. | ||
| Yeah, Weidman versus Musashi. | ||
| It's a great fight. | ||
| Oliveira is another one. | ||
| He went up to 155. He's fighting Will Brooks now. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Oliveira has been just struggling to stay at 145. It's brutal. | ||
| It breaks you down, man. | ||
| It's just so bad for you. | ||
| Didn't he miss, was he over? | ||
| No, he beat Pettis. | ||
| Pettis didn't make the weight, and he beat Pettis. | ||
| No, that was Max Holloway. | ||
| Max Holloway beat Pettis. | ||
| He lost to Pettis. | ||
| Pettis guillotined him. | ||
| But I think he's had a couple losses in a row. | ||
| Who the fuck was Charles Oliveira's last loss? | ||
| Who was he mad at recently who criticized his weight? | ||
| Unless I'm not thinking of Charles Oliveira. | ||
| He was pissed off that somebody had said something disrespectful about his weight. | ||
| He lost to Ricardo Lamas. | ||
| Yeah, he got submitted by Ricardo Lamas. | ||
| That was a great fight for Lamas. | ||
| And then before that, Pettis submitted him. | ||
| And then before that, he beat Miles Jury. | ||
| He's just, I think he's just, it's another one of those guys. | ||
| He's a really talented guy, but that fucking weight cut is just horrible. | ||
| It's the worst part of the sport. | ||
| There should be a way to do it, to eliminate it. | ||
| I think they should be weighing these guys in, you know, every 15 days or something like that and finding out what they really weigh. | ||
| I think it's crazy. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| I think it's insane to dehydrate your brain, your body, get to death's door, then 24 hours later have a cage fight. | ||
| GSP said that recently, I didn't know they did that in boxing, and he was saying about in boxing a month out, you can't lose like 20% of your, whatever the percentage your body has. | ||
| I never considered that, but that would probably be a good way to do it. | ||
| Maybe they will. | ||
| The guy who runs the California State Athletic Commission, his name is Andy Foster, and he's probably, in my opinion, one of the very best commissioners in MMA today, in athletic commission commissioners, because he's just really proactive. | ||
| I believe he's had some MMA fights himself, and he's an accomplished martial artist, and he really understands the sport. | ||
| And they're taking some really proactive approaches to cutting weight cutting and making sure that people don't dehydrate themselves as much. | ||
| And he was really proactive for performance enhancing drugs, catching people doing drugs before the USADA thing with the UFC came along too. | ||
| So just need better regulations, more people on top of things. | ||
| This is how bad I want to lose my gut. | ||
| I do exercise, but I actually, I think I asked, it was either Wonderboy or his father, what the paste was that they put on, and a part of me actually considered putting the paste on and just sitting in the fucking... | ||
| Abilene? | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| I didn't know what it was called. | ||
| To sweat? | ||
| Yeah, but he's like, you'll lose the wrong weight. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| No, you'll just get dehydrated. | ||
| That's not going to lose body fat. | ||
| No. | ||
| You just got to stop eating sugar. | ||
| Do you eat sugar? | ||
| Very rarely, but occasionally. | ||
| I go fucking through periods. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I want to misbehave and I'll just shove bad food in my fat face. | ||
| It's hard not to. | ||
| It's tasty. | ||
| It is tasty. | ||
| I love a good treat. | ||
| I love a good ice cream sundae. | ||
| I have a hard time. | ||
| God damn it, dude. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Frozen yogurt. | ||
| Oh, my fucking manager and I, what a couple of queens we look like prancing on Santa Monica Boulevard to the yogurt stop fucking three times a week. | ||
| We can't stop eating this shit. | ||
| Menchies? | ||
| It's the fucking best, dude. | ||
| The vanilla. | ||
| They have the sugar-free chocolate. | ||
| Holy shit, is that stuff ridiculous? | ||
| You get all those toppings. | ||
| I do. | ||
| Reese's Pieces and stuff. | ||
| I don't go that crazy. | ||
| Maybe a little bit of coconut shavings, but lately I've done more. | ||
| I rarely do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking good. | |
| I rarely do it, but when I do it, I go hard. | ||
| I'll go to Cold Stone Creamery and get a fucking giant sub with peanut butter and hot fudge and Reese's Pieces and chocolate ice cream and whipped cream on it. | ||
| Fucking good! | ||
| Doesn't that doesn't that fuck you up to like my throat? | ||
| I'm a throat-clearing idiot and that type of stuff fucks me up like lactose I can't take. | ||
| Coffee I think messes my throat up. | ||
| I stopped drinking butter coffee on the show because I would drink it and I would be constantly coughing. | ||
| It's just when you're talking for long periods of time like this you occasionally gonna have to clear your throat. | ||
| Yeah Like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| But I mean, like, when I think about it more, I have to do it more. | ||
| But I mean, when I'm, like, lactose fucking kills me. | ||
| Ice cream, frozen yogurt. | ||
| Well, all the sugar, too. | ||
| There's so much. | ||
| When you have an ice cream sundae, I mean, you're getting, who knows how many hundreds of grams of sugar. | ||
| But it feels so good while it's going in, and then you just crash. | ||
| Yeah, then you regret it. | ||
| Yeah, your body feels like dog shit for a long time. | ||
| For an hour or so afterwards, I feel like dog shit. | ||
| I feel that way for a few days. | ||
| Like, I gotta eat good for a while, go to the gym, and then when I start to... | ||
| I've never had abs, and I never will. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can have abs. | |
| You're not far away from abs. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you have a real trainer, like a really good trainer that fucking kicks your ass, you got a chick that you go to? | ||
| Yeah, I have three different ones. | ||
| Three different ones. | ||
| One, yeah, well, one couldn't do another schedule, so I use another one. | ||
| One Monday, one Friday, and then one I use Tuesday, Thursday. | ||
| It's all scheduled. | ||
| So every time you work out, you work out with a trainer? | ||
| Every time. | ||
| Unless I'm here and I'll do a little something. | ||
| I'll pop up on the old elliptical for 20 minutes. | ||
| I'll do a few things that I've remembered. | ||
| I'll do 45 minutes by myself. | ||
| But I would say almost every time I use a trainer. | ||
| Because I don't like... | ||
| I'm fucking lazy. | ||
| I'm lazy. | ||
| I like to be fucking lazy. | ||
| They will at least make you do different shit. | ||
| Squat, pump, all these full body exercises. | ||
| So I'm doing things I wouldn't do on my own. | ||
| It's interesting you say you're lazy, but you work out four days a week. | ||
| That's not lazy. | ||
| I do that in spite of my laziness. | ||
| Like, I am lazy. | ||
| You do stand-up seven nights a week, but you're lazy. | ||
| You do your radio show how many days a week? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Five. | |
| Five days a week, but you're lazy. | ||
| You do your podcast on top of the radio show two days a week, but you're lazy. | ||
| Yeah, it's weird, but maybe I'm not. | ||
| I always feel like I'm a lazy bum, and I really do. | ||
| I feel like I'm a fucking horrible, and I'm doing all this stuff in spite of being lazy. | ||
| Like, I'm fighting laziness constantly. | ||
| Maybe it's the way you're defining. | ||
| Maybe you're self-defining yourself in a very negative and limiting way. | ||
| Maybe by thinking that, like you're lazy, even though the evidence points to the contrary, you're still doing all these things. | ||
| A lazy person would find a way to not work out. | ||
| A lazy person would find a way to fuck off and call in sick to the radio show. | ||
| That's a great point. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think you're lazy. | ||
| I think you're self-critical, which is usually what a lot of artists are. | ||
| A lot of artists hate everything they do, and they're constantly trying to do the best, and it's just never good enough, and they get pissed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it might be this way you're looking at things. | ||
| You might have to just blank that out and just not think like that. | ||
| Just not allow those thoughts to get into your head. | ||
| If I wanted to fuck off and not work out, I'm sure I could come up with some sort of a reason, but I don't... | ||
| I don't consider myself lazy in that regard. | ||
| I'm just not. | ||
| I work out too much. | ||
| It would be ridiculous if I said I was lazy. | ||
| I make myself do it. | ||
| With a trainer, that also forces you to do it. | ||
| But I make myself do it too. | ||
| There's not much difference between you and me in that regard. | ||
| I give myself a few days, like I'm so busy doing press this week, I give myself, like I did it twice, but I'll let the third day go. | ||
| Like, I'm not as driven as I was at one point, but the trainers, I always show up. | ||
| I never don't show up. | ||
| I don't cut the workouts. | ||
| Just make yourself do it. | ||
| It's almost like making yourself be faithful. | ||
| Like, you know, once I start cheating, goodbye. | ||
| That's all she wrote. | ||
| Floodgates are open because I'm no longer perfect. | ||
| That's why OCD shit comes in. | ||
| I'm not perfect! | ||
| I think that's what you're doing. | ||
| I think it's a negative definition that you've latched onto yourself that you're lazy because it's impossible for you to be lazy. | ||
| When you look at all the things you do, That's a good point. | ||
| I hadn't thought of it that way. | ||
| That's a good point. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you're right. | ||
| I've always identified myself like that. | ||
| Maybe I'm just a driven guy who's tired. | ||
| Yeah, that's what it sounds like. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ, think about all the shit you're doing. | ||
| You're doing five days of radio. | ||
| You're doing two days of podcasts. | ||
| You're doing stand-up every night. | ||
| You're working at night, and then you're getting up in the morning to do radio, what, seven? | ||
| What time are you there? | ||
| I'm on the air from 8-11 East Coast. | ||
| 8 to 11. So are you getting up at 7? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| That's fucking early for a comic who's doing a set at night. | ||
| Like, what time's your sets? | ||
| I usually... | ||
| Well, SD will give me early ones when I request it. | ||
| So I'm usually done by about 8.30. | ||
| I'd be home by 9. I'll have a little something to eat. | ||
| I'll have some Vietnamese food and relax. | ||
| Yeah, but still, even then, you're barely getting eight hours sleep then. | ||
| If you go right to bed. | ||
| I never get eight hours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| Yeah, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| You need. | ||
| Everybody needs eight hours. | ||
| I got eight hours last night. | ||
| So you feel refreshed, right? | ||
| When you wake up? | ||
| I feel great today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I never feel refreshed. | |
| I feel amazing. | ||
| Yeah, I feel fantastic. | ||
| Get that eight hours. | ||
| I just think that that's one of those things that's non-negotiable. | ||
| I just think that, I mean, there's going to be days where I can't. | ||
| I've got to get up early for a flight or whatever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I think sleep is one of the most non-negotiable things. | ||
| Sleeping and drinking water and eating healthy food, those are pretty non-negotiable. | ||
| What time are you going to bed? | ||
| Depends. | ||
| Last night was pretty late. | ||
| Last night was probably like 1 o'clock in the morning. | ||
| I got up at somewhere around 9-ish. | ||
| Yeah, that's still a good schedule for a comedian. | ||
| Yeah, for a comedian, it's great. | ||
| Well, it's good that the store's not far away. | ||
| I can get to the store in a half an hour at night, get there, do a set. | ||
| I'm done by 11, 11.30. | ||
| I'm home by 1, you know, whatever. | ||
| That's what scared me, though. | ||
| It was the idea of doing radio during the day, and then, like, if I did afternoons, then I'd do a set at night, and then what? | ||
| Right, and then you're naughty. | ||
| That's what you're worried about. | ||
| And nobody's around. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm. | |
| Nobody's around. | ||
| You're really texting the dregs at 4 a.m. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| Yeah, your best options have gone to bed. | ||
| Your best options have taken all the loads they can handle for the evening. | ||
| Or they've given them. | ||
| She's a really good girl. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Jim Norton, your new special is on Netflix. | ||
| Mouthful of Shame. | ||
| Yeah, it's on as of today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There it is. | |
| Bam! | ||
| Well, you look great in that picture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thanks, Joe. | |
| Holy shit, dude. | ||
| It's a snowstorm. | ||
| I actually just screen-capped that because I didn't like the picture they were using. | ||
| So I just screen-capped it from the special. | ||
| Like, could you guys use that? | ||
| And they're like, okay. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| Yeah, that is perfect. | ||
| I like that, too, because you're in the middle of a set. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, that's a real picture. | ||
| It's a real... | ||
| Like, you're not posing. | ||
| Like, I posed for a bunch of Netflix pictures, and I was like, ew. | ||
| Well, there's one they took of me where my hand is over my mouth, but it's a screen grab from a set. | ||
| I'm doing a joke where I cover my mouth, but I'm like, I don't want to use that, A, because you can't see my face, and B, Because I know it's mouthful of shame, but it seems like I'm going, oh, I said something naughty, which is not what the joke is. | ||
| But it looks like I called it mouthful of shame and then went, oh, look out, folks! | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's fucking awful. | ||
| Yeah, that could be a problem if somebody was cynical and they were like, who is this guy? | ||
| What? | ||
| Get the fuck out of here with your mouthful of shame. | ||
| Yeah, I'm allowed to say whatever I want. | ||
| Yeah, it's Netflix. | ||
| No one's censoring me. | ||
| Isn't Netflix amazing in that regard? | ||
| I could not be happier. | ||
| So, so amazing. | ||
| They're so good. | ||
| Robbie Pross said to me, like, it's an hour and one minute, an hour and two minutes. | ||
| It was an hour and fourteen of the set. | ||
| I chopped the bit up. | ||
| And I asked Robbie, well, you might want to trim this a bit, but it's up to you. | ||
| And like this one part. | ||
| And he was right. | ||
| The trim was actually smart. | ||
| And that was the whole suggestion. | ||
| Yeah, the only notes they gave me when I was recording was one of the ladies really enjoyed the dolphin bit. | ||
| She's like, you didn't do the dolphin bit on that set. | ||
| I go, oh, it's just because I did. | ||
| Don't worry, it'll be on. | ||
| I go, I just didn't want to do it during that set. | ||
| I didn't want any of the sets to be longer than an hour, and some of them are going to have material that's not in the other one, so I'll decide which way to do it. | ||
| But that was it. | ||
| Like, I like a bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Is that bit going to be in it? | ||
| Don't worry, that bit's going to be in there. | ||
| Yeah, that's a nice note to get. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's, I think, the best venue right now for stand-up by far. | ||
| I don't think there's anything even close to Netflix. | ||
| Dude, it's everywhere now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, it just gets released everywhere, so I'll go out and do gigs. | ||
| Hopefully, in the next couple of months, start, you know, booking a bunch of shit. | ||
| And someone can listen to this podcast right now, hang it up, close the podcast, and then go right to their TV and instantaneously watch it. | ||
| That's the best. | ||
| On their phone. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I opened it on my phone before. | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Like, you're watching it on your... | ||
| They don't care about the premiere. | ||
| They care, but I had a bunch of stuff lined up, and Netflix actually said, you know, don't kill yourself. | ||
| There's going to be a second wave. | ||
| You know how much press I did? | ||
| Maybe I called a couple of people. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| It was nothing, though. | ||
| It was nothing like I had to do for Comedy Central. | ||
| Comedy Central involved a bunch of obligations. | ||
| If you do an HBO special, I would imagine it would probably be the same thing. | ||
| Same thing, same for Epics. | ||
| And again, just because they have a premiere date, they get numbers. | ||
| Netflix, they just want to know that people are watching it, and they can tell. | ||
| They don't tell any of us how many people are watching. | ||
| None of us get numbers. | ||
| Yeah, they don't tell you shit. | ||
| They just go, we're very, very happy. | ||
| I want to do another one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I should act like I'm holding out. | ||
| When do you want to do it? | ||
| Well, I'm not ready now, but I mean, maybe in a year or so, maybe more. | ||
| I mean, I would love to do it with them. | ||
| What's your schedule do you like to do? | ||
| Do you like to do one a year? | ||
| It's not always possible, but my goal is to do one every year, year and a half maximum, because by then, a lot of the material is... | ||
| Like, when I touch topical stuff now, I try to touch it in a way that ties into an overall theme so it still makes sense. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I talk about how I don't really think I'm a pervert, and I mention that Jared's a pervert, but I don't do a whole long Jared set. | ||
| I do like one or two. | ||
| Something that is fairly timeless to that bit. | ||
| Nothing specific to the moment where you're like, wait, I don't remember that. | ||
| You know what he did. | ||
| But after a year and a half, I just lose interest in what I'm saying, joke-wise. | ||
| Plus, I like doing that. | ||
| I love doing that. | ||
| I feel like, why not just put it out? | ||
| There's so many places to put specials out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And especially when you're doing so much stand-up, if you're doing stand-up six, seven nights a week, and then you're constantly doing a radio show, there's constantly new themes running through your head, you want to get that out there. | ||
| And it's always there, and it's like, maybe I should do shorter videos or something. | ||
| I don't know how to get them out. | ||
| Things that are so topical, just to spit them out there so they're there, as opposed to getting wasted in a set. | ||
| I want to be your self-esteem coach. | ||
| I'm going to pump you up. | ||
| No more negative thinking. | ||
| Positive gym. | ||
| But then again, you might be fueled by that negative thinking. | ||
| That might be why you're so prolific. | ||
| It's a combination of both. | ||
| Like, I can feel good and be funny, too. | ||
| But I didn't even realize it was a negative thought. | ||
| I just think I was confusing being tired with being lazy. | ||
| And I think that's a good... | ||
| You just pointed something out that makes a lot of sense. | ||
| You're definitely not lazy. | ||
| You're getting a lot of shit done. | ||
| Yeah, but I'll watch you, and I see you, you got a company, you got this, you're doing this, and I'm like, motherfucker, I'm sitting on a block of ice doing nothing, or Louie's doing this. | ||
| You see all your friends- You can't compare yourself. | ||
| No, I know, but you feel lazy when you see your friends doing these great things. | ||
| The things that I'm doing, though, I really enjoy doing those things. | ||
| They don't seem like work to me. | ||
| There's not a goddamn thing I do that seems like work, whether it's working for the UFC, whether it's doing stand-up. | ||
| There's obligations. | ||
| I have to be there at a certain time. | ||
| There's writing involved. | ||
| There's things that I have to do where I have to sit down and be alone and force myself to do that kind of work. | ||
| But none of it seems like work. | ||
| It's all fun stuff. | ||
| Well, if I was only doing stuff I want, believe me, I wish, if somehow watching Chatterbait would advance me in this business, you'd be fucking, you'd be seeing my fucking heels. | ||
| I probably would if you did like live commentary on Twitch for Chatterbait. | ||
| Like you had Chatterbait windows in the background and you're just sitting there like going, oh Jesus. | ||
| You're not allowed to, but what I do want to do is I want to get a beautiful girl in Chatterbait and then I want to just come on as fucking Chip and sit next to her and wreck it. | ||
| All these guys jerking off in fucking England and Portugal. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| Yeah, I want to do that. | ||
| I have the look and everything. | ||
| But I would have to have somebody somehow capturing... | ||
| Because you have to be careful you don't show them and you get sued. | ||
| There's a way to capture what they've said and change it a little and put it out. | ||
| I think it's so funny. | ||
| Or you'd have to do it in conjunction with that girl. | ||
| You and that girl would have to have some sort of agreement. | ||
| The girl would be... | ||
| He'd be in the room with her. | ||
| But she wouldn't be... | ||
| I can't do anything with porn. | ||
| But the girl would be a sexy girl showing her tits really hot. | ||
| You can't do anything with porn because it's serious? | ||
| No, just because it was a comedian. | ||
| I don't want to. | ||
| I don't want to cross the I don't want to be there while people are actually fucking. | ||
| Not out of judgment, but I just... | ||
| I understand what you're saying. | ||
| But I want to have fucking Chip come on and just sit there and fucking spoil the vibe and fucking talk to her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tell her to show her fucking cooter and just ruin it. | |
| People would be so fucking angry. | ||
| People like me wouldn't. | ||
| No, you would enjoy it. | ||
| Do you put it in a couples room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That'd be so funny. | ||
| You wait, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of her in a few fucking seconds. | ||
| That's a great idea. | ||
| You're sitting there with a bib on, mashed potatoes, cut the steak. | ||
| Yeah, wait till you see how good I fucking stick it in a cooter. | ||
| People would hate it. | ||
| It sounds like a plan. | ||
| Thank you, man. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| I love this podcast so much. | ||
| I love you, man. | ||
| You're a funny motherfucker. | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| Silva versus Gastelum? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| In Rio. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| What a tremendous... | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Calvin Gaslam is... | ||
| He's trying to be the legend killer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Asking shall receive. | ||
| Whose tweet is that? | ||
| UFC. Oh, wow. | ||
| Well, Calvin asked for that fight, and Anderson apparently said yes. | ||
| That is a dangerous fight for Anderson Silva. | ||
| Calvin Gaslam is a fucking destroyer. | ||
| Yes, he is. | ||
| And Anderson against Derek Brunson I thought was a very interesting decision. | ||
| I didn't agree with it, but other people did. | ||
| It wasn't a bad decision. | ||
| It was a close fight. | ||
| He didn't get a lot done, but I felt like he... | ||
| I'd have to go over it and really score it, but I didn't think it was egregious. | ||
| But I do think that Anderson has definitely lost a step, and he can get hit. | ||
| And Calvin is a motherfucker, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's a motherfucker. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| In Rio, though. | ||
| He's going to fight Anderson in Rio. | ||
| The vibe in Rio is going to... | ||
| But he just fucked up Vitor in Fortaleza. | ||
| He knocked him the fuck out, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| He doesn't seem to care where he is. | ||
| Calvin Gaslam is a beast. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| He's a kid on the way up. | ||
| He's only 25 too, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How old is Calvin? | |
| Is he that young? | ||
| I believe so. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I believe he's 25. I believe he won the ultimate fighter. | ||
| He's one of the youngest guys ever to win it. | ||
| Did he beat Uriah Hall? | ||
| It was, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was shocked at that win. | ||
| I remember watching him thinking about it. | ||
| Nobody thought he was going to win. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| Now he's way ahead of Uriah Hall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I love Uriah Hall too. | ||
| He's a beast. | ||
| He's another one. | ||
| Really good fighter. | ||
| He's a really interesting guy too. | ||
| Alright, Mouthful of Shame on Netflix starting today. | ||
| UFC Unfiltered and your show. | ||
| With the great Matt Serra. | ||
| With the great Matt Serra. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And me and Sam every morning on Sirius 8 to 11. Thank you, brother. | |
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| Bye, everybody. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See ya. | |
| We'll be back tomorrow with someone fucking good. | ||
| Who the hell's tomorrow? | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| I'll tell ya. | ||
| Give me one second. | ||
| Oh, TJ Kirk, The Amazing Atheist. | ||
| That'll be fun. | ||
| He's great. |
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