Jan. 24, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:31:53
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! | |
| The Joe Rogan Experience. | ||
|
unidentified
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Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. | |
| Tony Hinchcliffe hiding right now in the basement from Chris Cyborg. | ||
| This just in. | ||
| President Trump has not responded to any of Tony's calls. | ||
| He's ignored all of his tweets. | ||
| Tony does not know what to do. | ||
| Brian Redman is not helping. | ||
| I am trying to find the sound effect for breaking news. | ||
| No, we don't need that. | ||
| Cyborg, I got side. | ||
| Do you have giant icons on your phone? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| Did you switch the size of your icons? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I have regular size. | ||
| What are those? | ||
| Oh, that's why I was confused. | ||
| I thought you had some hack to your phone. | ||
| I all of a sudden wanted that. | ||
| That's how stupid people are. | ||
| I see a different size icon and go, oh, it's different than what I have. | ||
| I want it. | ||
| I just bought a hacked Fire Stick off eBay. | ||
| A Fire Stick, an Amazon one? | ||
| Yeah, it's one of those things where you have everything. | ||
| Movies that are in the movie theaters, you have every single TV show. | ||
| Pay-per-views, too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everything you get. | ||
| Well, you know what those little Amazon things, or the little Google ones, those little Google sticks? | ||
| You stick them in a USB port on your computer, or on your TV, and you can stream something from your computer right to that, and it plays on the TV. How in the fuck does that work? | ||
| Because your Apple TV... I have an Apple TV. It's like a Big Mac, right? | ||
| It's a Big Mac-sized. | ||
| But this is like... | ||
| A USB stick. | ||
| It's got a little processor, the same like in the cell phone in it. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| I don't know how any of that stuff works. | ||
| I can barely get the TV I have to work. | ||
| It's because I was watching some fights the other day on ESPN3, and I don't know if you knew this, but ESPN3 is not really a station. | ||
| It's a website. | ||
| Yeah, there's ESPN1 and ESPN2. Those are both on TV. But ESPN3 is like a website. | ||
| So they had glory fights on ESPN3. We got an issue here? | ||
| Young Jamie's in here. | ||
| There must be an issue. | ||
| ESPN3, I had to watch the fights on ESPN3 because they were on... | ||
| UFC Fight Pass had Glory on up until this one fight, and then from that one fight on, it was all on ESPN3. So I had it on my laptop, and then I said, well, oh, I don't have a fucking Apple laptop anymore. | ||
| Now I can't shoot it directly to the Apple TV. And then I found out all you need is one of those little drives. | ||
| You stick that sucker in your TV, and it's just as good. | ||
| Oh, that's how that works. | ||
| A little USB drive and then you can do it right from your phone to your TV. I just bought an antenna the other day just to see what local channels I can get. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Stress signals. | ||
| I got 112 channels. | ||
| They're all Mexican. | ||
| All the white people, it's just distress signals like the first episode of Fear the Walking Dead. | ||
| They're like, I think I hear something. | ||
| Help me! | ||
|
unidentified
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Help! | |
| It's weird. | ||
| And you hear a gunshot. | ||
|
unidentified
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Bang! | |
| There's one channel that just plays Johnny Carson in old shows from the 80s. | ||
| Oh, good call. | ||
| And then there's just like, yeah, there's Russian, Mexican, Korean. | ||
| But it is weird just watching all these free channels. | ||
| Well, that was one of the things with radio. | ||
| One of the things that happened with radio is, in LA in particular, they would close down, like when they closed down that FM talk station, there's an FM talk station. | ||
| And they closed it down, and then a Mexican station popped up. | ||
| I think. | ||
| What was another talk show? | ||
| Pretty much every FM station in LA is a very Mexican station. | ||
| There's a lot of Mexican morning radio shows. | ||
| All of them. | ||
| They all sound the same. | ||
| There's always some big Mexican guy and some little tiny guy. | ||
|
unidentified
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It's always like 88.7 88.7 88.7 88.7 You sound Japanese. | |
| That's terrible. | ||
| That was an Asian accent. | ||
| It's definitely not Asian. | ||
| You are the worst racist ever. | ||
| This is a super Mexican radio station. | ||
| You're the worst Mexican of all time. | ||
| But when I would pass by these bus stops all over LA, you'd see these billboards that were for these stations that you're never going to listen to. | ||
| There's this one neighborhood that my ex-gardener, I had an ex-gardener who used to fight chickens. | ||
| He was a funny dude, man. | ||
| He came over here a couple times from Mexico. | ||
| He snuck over here, worked over in America, and then snuck back, and then snuck back again. | ||
|
unidentified
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Wow. | |
| What do you mean he fought chickens? | ||
| He used to have chicken fights. | ||
| It was not really him in terms of he would go but the other people would actually fight the chickens. | ||
| It was like this thing where all the men in this community would go and they all had these roosters. | ||
| I mean, we went to this guy's place and went to check out his backyard, and he had, I don't know, 100 rooster cages? | ||
| And I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| They were fucking stacked on top of each other, and then they had an arena. | ||
| You'd go into the arena. | ||
| It was like a little barn, and it was like a little sunken-in area that they had dug out and put a little fence around, and that's where they would chuck the chickens in. | ||
| And so they'd have two guys, and they would handle the chickens, and they'd put spurs on the chickens. | ||
| So it's not just the chickens fight each other, but they put little razor blades on their feet. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then they bet on who wins the fight. | ||
| And then when they win, like, when, you know, either one, both chickens are fucked. | ||
| Like, they're essentially dead. | ||
| Like, maybe if you're lucky, your chicken doesn't get totally fucked up. | ||
| Are there chicken commentators? | ||
| Someone like, and here we crow! | ||
| Something like that, you know what I mean? | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
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Fuck. | |
| And here we crow. | ||
| You can't help yourself. | ||
| You're terrible. | ||
| Bird fighting. | ||
| Yeah, but it's apparently a huge thing in the Mexican community. | ||
| But it's interesting. | ||
| You remember when Michael Vick got in that big, horrible situation when they found out that he was killing dogs and he had dog fights and this terrible thing. | ||
| He was executing dogs. | ||
| That shit is happening all throughout the South every day. | ||
| It's a huge part of their culture. | ||
| Animal fights. | ||
| Like dog fights, but much more so chicken fights. | ||
| And chicken fights is a weird one where you're kind of okay with it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like, people have a hierarchy of animals that they give a shit whether or not they're having a bad life. | ||
| And chickens are super low on that scale. | ||
| It's sort of weird that the black people have dog fights and the Mexicans have chicken fights. | ||
| You would think the black people would have chicken fights because then they could just have dinner afterwards. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Their favorite. | ||
| Well, the Mexicans eat chickens too, dude. | ||
| I don't know if I'm a racist son of a bitch. | ||
| But my Mexicans eat the dogs! | ||
| Your Mexicans eat sushi! | ||
| Sushi served on a samurai sword. | ||
| My ex-girlfriend used to live in the ghetto part of Los Angeles, and it was always so weird at like 6 in the morning how many... | ||
| It was like a lot. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| They just get used to it. | ||
| It becomes like norm for the community, right? | ||
| For someone to have a fucking rooster in the yard. | ||
| We were tripping our balls off in Joshua Tree one night, and it was like 3 or 4 a.m. | ||
| The sun was not out at all, and there was one rooster that in the middle of the night was like... | ||
| And we were always out there, a big group of comedians and us, and we started fucking dying. | ||
| Riffing about this, like, you know, how out of control this chicken's life is where, you know, he's such an idiot that he's balking in the middle of the night. | ||
| All the other chickens are like, there you go, look who's blowing his load early over here. | ||
| We're all on mushrooms, just dying in this premature ejaculating, basically, chicken of the night. | ||
| I wonder if he was blind and he was just like, didn't want anybody to know. | ||
| Maybe his clock's off. | ||
| He took a nap earlier in the day. | ||
| He would just jump the gun. | ||
| He'd be the guy who jumps the gun. | ||
| He felt way too refreshed. | ||
| Or maybe he felt that you guys were on mushrooms. | ||
|
unidentified
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And he's like, they're going to eat us! | |
| These people are crazy! | ||
| Or we're on mushrooms and this will be hilarious. | ||
| Oh, they'll love this. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Three in the morning, bum. | ||
| Yeah, maybe you're very present. | ||
| Or maybe you guys are loud and you woke them up. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| We were laughing a lot. | ||
| That's probably what it is. | ||
| You probably got pissed. | ||
| It's probably like a dog barking. | ||
| There's probably a bunch of reasons why a chicken does that. | ||
| Not just because they wake up, but also maybe because, fuck you! | ||
| Shut up! | ||
| I'm trying to sleep over here! | ||
| It's not bad enough. | ||
| I sleep with my feet on a stick. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They perch. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh. | |
| And so they sleep. | ||
| They climb up. | ||
| We have these areas in my chicken coop where they climb up and they put their feet down. | ||
| And we have other areas where they could go into a little chicken house and they could go inside and there's a little roof on the chicken house. | ||
| They fucking never use it. | ||
| They don't use that. | ||
| They don't want to sit down. | ||
| They want to have their feet on something. | ||
| They want to grab on something and hang on. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Because they're used to perching. | ||
| Like in the wild, their body is designed, we think of it as our feet. | ||
|
unidentified
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Well, if I had to hang by my hands, I'd be so fucking tired. | |
| But their hands are so different. | ||
| Like their feet are designed for that. | ||
| Like it doesn't make them tired. | ||
| It's an evolutionary advantage. | ||
| They can live in trees. | ||
| How many chickens do you have? | ||
| 23. Wow. | ||
| I didn't know you had that many. | ||
| Yeah, I have a gang of chickens. | ||
| I eat fresh eggs every day. | ||
| How many eggs is 23 a day? | ||
| Depends on the time of year. | ||
| This time of year, they're making a lot of eggs because it's cold out and it's been raining. | ||
| When there's less sunlight, they make more eggs. | ||
| So do you throw a lot of eggs away? | ||
| No, give them away. | ||
| But I eat a lot of them. | ||
| If there's 23 of them, they might make 10 eggs a day. | ||
| And I probably eat five of those. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Maybe six. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah, I eat a lot of eggs. | ||
| Everybody eats eggs. | ||
| We eat eggs. | ||
| And eggs are not bad for you. | ||
| That's a fucking long-standing myth that someone concocted in the 1950s. | ||
| And there was a New York Times article about it if you're really interested. | ||
| It's terrible. | ||
| But the sugar companies... | ||
| For not that much money, for what's like in American dollars today, like $50,000, they paid off a bunch of scientists to fake these reports and write reports saying that saturated fat was causing people to have heart disease and get overweight when it was really sugar. | ||
| What about cholesterol? | ||
| It's not bad for you. | ||
| Not only is cholesterol not bad for you, it depends on what kind of cholesterol. | ||
| There's certain types of cholesterol that people have genetic propensities for that are not good. | ||
| But there's LDL cholesterol, and then there's actually different sizes of different LDL cholesterols, and some of it's actually good for you, and some of it's not good for you, and there's HDL cholesterol. | ||
| Dietary cholesterol, like eating dietary cholesterol, doesn't move the blood lipids. | ||
| It doesn't change. | ||
| That's not what changes your cholesterol. | ||
| It's like sedentary lifestyle and sugar and processed foods. | ||
| Those things elevate cholesterol more than eating things with cholesterol. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| And then saturated fat, we all grew up thinking saturated fat was bad. | ||
| That's why you have margarine, right? | ||
| Margarine is fucking illegal now. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
| Do you know trans fats are illegal now? | ||
|
unidentified
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No. | |
| Do you know trans fats, in the next three years, they have to remove them from food. | ||
| They have three more years to take them out of food. | ||
| They gave them a grace period of three years so these companies can shift their manufacturing. | ||
| What's some food that has trans fats that we all eat all the time? | ||
| Chips. | ||
| A lot of Doritos and shit. | ||
| I don't know if Doritos, but Fritos. | ||
| Sammy, find us some shit with trans fats in it. | ||
| So those are going to start tasting different soon. | ||
| It might taste better, honestly. | ||
| The thing is, people thought that margarine was good for you. | ||
| Margarine is fucking terrible for you. | ||
| Unsaturated fat is bad for you. | ||
| Saturated fat is good for you. | ||
| That's how fucking stupid we are. | ||
| Our whole lives we grew up with shitty information and a lot of it is because scientists were paid off by the sugar company. | ||
| There's a whole New York Times article about it. | ||
| It's stunning. | ||
| You read it and you go, oh my god, this is responsible for who knows how many millions of people making poor dietary choices and perhaps ruining the quality of their life, ruining the amount of energy they have, ruining the amount of inspiration they would have because their body was fucking with them, causing all sorts of premature death and diseases. | ||
| And it's not an exaggeration. | ||
| It's like a subject that has been gnawing at me for years now. | ||
| It's a crazy, crazy subject. | ||
| Yeah, I've sort of been talking about it lately. | ||
| I graze upon it in my stand-up about how fats, something that you need, and carbs, which is what makes you fat, is something that you don't need. | ||
| But we call fat people fat, and that's insulting. | ||
| That's why I don't call fat people fat. | ||
| I call them carbs. | ||
| Call it what it is. | ||
| The problem is carbs aren't even necessarily bad for you. | ||
| It's sugar. | ||
| Sugar is what's bad for you. | ||
| And the issue isn't carbs because carbs with fiber, like some carbs, like Ezekiel bread, it's not bad for you. | ||
| And it's just amazing, though, the marketing of it, though. | ||
| You're right because it's like you're taught that sugar is sweet and sugar is good and give your kids candy on Halloween and sugar, sugar, sugar. | ||
| And then we call fat people fat. | ||
| That's the part that's weird. | ||
| Well, what's weird is if you see those photos that you saw a long time ago, From the 1920s and the 1930s, you don't see anyone fat. | ||
| You see these people walking around and everyone looks slender. | ||
| It's super rare where you see a Jackie Gleason type character. | ||
| Sweden too. | ||
| When we were in Sweden, even the pregnant women were skinny. | ||
| Yeah, it's because America has let these assholes put all kinds of fucked up shit that tastes great but is hugely bad for you. | ||
| And they've put it all throughout our food. | ||
| And they did it when we were growing up. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| We all ate Lucky Charms. | ||
| We all ate Cocoa Puffs and fucking... | ||
| I used to love Captain Crunch. | ||
| That shit is straight sugar. | ||
| I would eat a whole bowl of that. | ||
| Like a giant bowl. | ||
| Do you know they sell just the berries now as a cereal? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| That's insane. | ||
| They're not even going to pretend. | ||
| Fuck all that crunchy shit. | ||
| Just marshmallows and milk. | ||
| Trans fats? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Cakes, pies, and cookies, especially with frosting. | ||
| Oh, too bad. | ||
| Those hostess apple pies. | ||
| Those awesome hostess pies. | ||
| Microwave popcorn. | ||
| Microwave popcorn as trans fats? | ||
| Frozen pizza. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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Frozen pizza. | |
| Donuts, fried fast foods, cream-filled candy, crackers, breakfast sandwiches, biscuits. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Breakfast sandwiches. | ||
| Why breakfast sandwiches? | ||
| Yeah, but what about Big Macs? | ||
| This is from the Cleveland Clinic. | ||
| Not Big Macs. | ||
| I mean, what about McGriddles? | ||
| Just because you said that, I want one on the way home. | ||
| I had one two days ago. | ||
| I want one right now. | ||
| It says they typically contain at least one gram of trans fats. | ||
| Take a close look at the ingredients and you're likely to find partially hydrogenated oils in the top five. | ||
| See, we used to think that that was good. | ||
| Partially hydrogenated soy oil. | ||
| Because it's partial. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or partially hydrogenated corn oil. | ||
| Isn't that amazing? | ||
| We used to think that that was good. | ||
| People would prefer that. | ||
| You would think you were making the healthy choice by choosing that. | ||
| Motherfuckers! | ||
| It says if refrigerated or frozen dough produces a texture that seems too good to be true, it probably is. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta make it fresh. | ||
| And that's probably what's in vegan ice cream and shit, to make it all mushy. | ||
| Oh, fuck yeah. | ||
| Yeah, whatever they did to make vegan stuff good, they did it. | ||
| Because towards the end there, I'm telling you, the vegan stuff was pretty good. | ||
| When I was doing it, the taste of it was amazing. | ||
| There's a lot of really good vegan chefs out there that know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| There's a place called Follow Your Heart. | ||
| It's like this cool little place in the valley that you can go and get these vegan pancakes. | ||
| They're like vegan buckwheat pancakes. | ||
| God damn, they're good. | ||
| You'd have no idea there's no eggs in there. | ||
| Or milk. | ||
| There's a place at the 101 and Barham. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Vegan pancakes that are banana blueberries and you can taste every fucking real blueberry. | ||
| It's just one of those things. | ||
| Yeah, they make some pretty decent vegan sandwich meat type products, but the thing about that is they're kind of processed. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| I mean, there's a lot of preservatives and that stuff. | ||
| Just because something's vegan doesn't mean it's necessarily good for you, because Oreos are vegan too. | ||
| And I'm telling you, it's very true, because I was a vegan for five years, and then my diet fucking completely changed. | ||
| I mean, just steak every day for lunch at some point, whether it's in a sandwich, in a bowl of pho, Well, whatever it is, you know what I mean? | ||
| That's how you say it, right? | ||
| What was the reason why you decided to make a shift? | ||
| A lot of it was just like, I was just more gaunt than I am now. | ||
| I just couldn't keep up. | ||
| My schedule got busy and I just, it wasn't that good at it. | ||
| And it's impossible to do on the road. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| And I did it. | ||
| I was eating fucking the bare minimums, like french fries, and you end up out there and you got nothing. | ||
| Even if you go french fries, a lot of times that's boiled in beef fat. | ||
| Yeah, I know. | ||
| All those McDonald's ones are boiled in beef fat. | ||
| Yeah, it was just a nightmare. | ||
| But I mean, it was also, you know, at the time I had a really, you know, cool, smart girlfriend who was vegan and was cooking amazing stuff, fucking vegan enchiladas once a week that were just mind-blowing and all this stuff. | ||
| So it was sort of easy for me. | ||
| And at the time, you know, I was just looking for anything to help. | ||
| And what was the day that you did it? | ||
| Why did you do it? | ||
| I know you had a lot of influence. | ||
| We were going to a lot of great steakhouses. | ||
| It wasn't long after I started working with you and I'm just watching you eat a steak and then, you know, you're, you know... | ||
| And I wasn't... | ||
| My energy levels have completely changed. | ||
| I go to the gym every day now, pretty much. | ||
| You know, five, six days a week and knock something out. | ||
| I just wasn't like that before. | ||
| But isn't it funny, but if I brought this up to you while you were a vegan, you would just be raving about how much energy you have and how healthy you are. | ||
| Like, that's one thing that people always do, no matter what they're doing. | ||
| I mean, I'm guilty of it myself. | ||
| When you're doing something, you want to promote whatever that thing is because you want other people to do it. | ||
| So you start... | ||
| ranting and raving about how great it is and it was for a while because and i thought that it was that but it also probably had a lot to do with the timing of everything was i started making money for the first time in comedy around that very same time when i started dating that vegan girl that was the beginning of the five years of that like it was like when i started getting to do the road a lot with like jeff ross | ||
| back then and i started writing on the roast back then and i had a little bit of money and things were going good so i think that that played a lot into my like energy and just feeling good overall was you know being able to survive Was the first place, did you go to Fogo de Chau or something? | ||
| Is that what you did? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You guys all went? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| So you were there, you saw his first bite of me? | ||
| Oh yeah, I think I bought your meal. | ||
| I was happy. | ||
| It was like a holiday for me. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| It was awful having your friend, especially being on the road, and you just wanted to go to an awesome restaurant, and then I don't know about these options that we have here. | ||
| I was never that way. | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| No, I was never that way. | ||
| Kind of. | ||
| You would always make a thing about it before I did. | ||
| Are you able to eat here? | ||
| And I never had a problem. | ||
| But it's all good. | ||
| The point is that that first day, even after Foge de Chao, remember I was like a fucking pit bull after that. | ||
| Yeah, you called me up screaming. | ||
| Yeah, that night I was... | ||
| I hate me! | ||
| I'm eating beet now! | ||
| I'm a different person! | ||
|
unidentified
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I'm like, what the fuck happened to Tony? | |
| I've never done real steroids, but I'd imagine that's exact. | ||
| I felt like a fucking animal, man. | ||
| Dude, you haven't had elk yet. | ||
| No. | ||
| I've never, oh my god. | ||
| When we set up, I'm getting a new grill. | ||
| I'm getting a new Yoder grill, and I'm putting my old one at the studio. | ||
| When I'm setting up at the studio, because I have the freezers back there, I'm going to grill some steaks at the studio. | ||
| You've got to eat it. | ||
| You're going to feel another bump above where you're at now. | ||
| I used to watch Ted Nugent, and I was like, where's this crazy fucker get all his energy? | ||
| Because he's crazy as shit, right? | ||
| And he's yelling and screaming, and then he's like 70-something years old. | ||
| And I'm like, how does he have so much goddamn energy? | ||
| And then I saw he had this interview once where he's cooking this steak, this deer steak. | ||
| This is years ago. | ||
| It's probably one of the things that is before I ever hunted. | ||
| One of the things that put into my head the idea of hunting. | ||
| And he was cutting up this piece of meat and showing how red and dark it was and talking about how many nutrients there was in it and how much more nutritious and healthy it is than store-bought meat that has hormones in it and antibiotics and all this jazz. | ||
| And I remember thinking, that motherfucker's probably right. | ||
| And then the first time I ate Deer meat from an animal that I shot. | ||
| And I was sitting there eating it. | ||
| I was like, God damn it. | ||
| I feel it. | ||
| It's like an extra charge to it. | ||
| Why do you think that is? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Because they're really healthy animals. | ||
| If you eat a deer, you're eating a wild sprinter. | ||
| I mean, it's a wild sprinting machine that's trying to get away from eating machines. | ||
| Eating machines that literally want to tear it apart. | ||
| That's its life. | ||
| It's like, what was that noise? | ||
| If you ever see a deer in the wild, they're just constantly like, what's going on over here? | ||
| They bounce every now and then, they scare each other, and then they have to fucking chill and come back. | ||
| Is there a restaurant, at least in Los Angeles, that serves deer? | ||
| Like, even that place in Calabasas? | ||
|
unidentified
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Why is that? | |
| Well, you can get some places that serve it, but here's what's ironic. | ||
| Most of the stuff that they serve comes from New Zealand. | ||
| Most of the venison that you buy comes from New Zealand. | ||
| And New Zealand's a trip, man. | ||
| Because New Zealand is this gorgeous island. | ||
| I want to visit New Zealand just to look around. | ||
| Also because it's where they film The Hobbit. | ||
| You look at those scenes, those landscapes, when you watch The Hobbit, you go, my God, where is this? | ||
| But it's real in New Zealand. | ||
| My friend Remy is a hunting guide. | ||
| Remy Warren, he's been on the podcast before. | ||
| And... | ||
| He goes to New Zealand once a year and guides people over in New Zealand. | ||
| He sent me some pictures of what it looks like there. | ||
| I don't even want to go there to hunt. | ||
| I want to go there just as a vacation just to see what it's like because it's supposed to be just stunning to look at. | ||
| Waterfalls and everything's green and lush. | ||
| But here's what's fucked up about it. | ||
| It didn't have any animals on it. | ||
| These people from England came over to New Zealand and put all these animals there. | ||
| So there was very little local wildlife, and the local wildlife they had was so fucked up, they wound up killing off a bunch of them. | ||
| They used to have an eagle there, I think it's called the Haas eagle, that had a 14-foot wingspan, and they think it hunted people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| They think it's one of the reasons why they exterminated that thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| What in the fuck? | ||
| Jamie, double check my math. | ||
| I'm pretty sure it's 14 feet long. | ||
| But it's way bigger than the biggest eagle we have today. | ||
| Way bigger. | ||
| It was the biggest eagle ever. | ||
| And there was a lot of speculation that it preyed on humans. | ||
| But New Zealand has no predators. | ||
| So New Zealand has all these elk and deer and a lot of them are fenced in and then they slaughter them and send the meat back to America. | ||
| They send it all over the world. | ||
| Haas Eagle. | ||
| H-A-A-S Eagle. | ||
| It's an extinct eagle from New Zealand. | ||
| I think it only lived on New Zealand as far as we know. | ||
| Two to three meters. | ||
| That's about... | ||
| Three meters. | ||
| That's nine feet. | ||
| I'm full of shit. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| I thought it was 14 feet. | ||
| I think... | ||
| Find something else. | ||
| Because I swear to God, something said that it was bigger than that. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| We did this on the podcast before. | ||
| We went over this on the podcast. | ||
| There was an episode where I said, oh, I thought it was bigger than that, and then we found out other places did say it was bigger than that. | ||
| Now I remember. | ||
| See if you can find one that corroborates my shitbag memory. | ||
| What should we do with this thing? | ||
| Oh, dude, I'm all vape pens these days. | ||
| You don't want to smoke a... | ||
| So if you don't have predators, they don't have bears or wolves? | ||
| They have nothing. | ||
| They have nothing. | ||
| So these goddamn things are everywhere. | ||
| And they slaughter them. | ||
| They get so bad that sometimes they have to shoot them out of helicopters. | ||
| Don't they have pandas there? | ||
| They overpopulate areas. | ||
| So they fly over these areas and gun down these stags with helicopters and leave them to rot. | ||
| What do panda bears eat? | ||
| Like eucalyptus leaves? | ||
| That's weird, right? | ||
| Yeah, they're vegetarians, right? | ||
| Yeah, pretty much. | ||
| They do a lot of raping, though. | ||
| Panda bears, apparently, they rape the fuck out of each other. | ||
| I'm not pandas. | ||
| I'm thinking of koalas. | ||
| Koalas with eucalyptus. | ||
| We are, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's funny that you said that, because we thought that. | ||
| So anyway, New Zealand is... | ||
| Wild game meat that you get. | ||
| If you go to a restaurant and you have elk, you buy elk today, most likely you're getting it from New Zealand. | ||
| What was that one meat that you gave me one time? | ||
| It was cooked. | ||
| It was the best meat I've ever had in my life. | ||
| That was wild boar. | ||
| Yeah, that was smoked boar. | ||
| I remember thinking, there's nothing I've ever tasted that was that good. | ||
| Yeah, well, it tastes different than anything. | ||
| I cooked it for my kids the other day, and my wife was saying while we're eating it, sure, I'll take a hit of that, she was like, this does not taste like any other kind of meat. | ||
| Because you're eating a wild animal that's struggling and surviving eating acorns and shit. | ||
| It was like pig times two. | ||
| It was like pig, like a form of bacon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was delicious, huh? | |
| It was amazing. | ||
| It's like dark meat. | ||
| Why don't they serve that in restaurants? | ||
| Because you've got to kill them. | ||
| You'd have to go out and hunt them and kill them. | ||
| But there's weird laws about that. | ||
| There's weird laws in this country about wild game. | ||
| And those are good laws. | ||
| Because the reason why they established these laws is because in the 1800s, we had almost no animals left because of market hunting. | ||
| What market hunting is, is after the Civil War, and actually even before that, You know, they didn't have refrigerators, man. | ||
| And so if you wanted meat, you had to get it pretty fresh. | ||
| It had to kind of be killed within the last couple of days. | ||
| And so what they would do is they would go to these soldiers who had come back from the war and really didn't have anything to do. | ||
| And these guys would get hired by these meat companies. | ||
| And they would just go out and shoot buffalo and elk and deer. | ||
| And at a certain point in time, they had almost... | ||
| We've eradicated all of the wild game animals in this country that you know today. | ||
| Like wild deer, there was almost no deer left in the early 1800s. | ||
| In the early 1900s, at the turn of the century, you would be super lucky if you saw a deer. | ||
| If you went deer hunting, you'd be super lucky if you saw a deer, and they wouldn't be a big deer. | ||
| Everybody just went buck wild on them. | ||
| I knew it was coming. | ||
| He prepared himself. | ||
| There should be a subscription box service that lets you order hunting meat. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| You're getting me wrong. | ||
| I just explained that. | ||
| You can't sell it because of that. | ||
| Market hunting wiped out all those animals because they sold them. | ||
| So they made laws, established laws that say you cannot sell wild game. | ||
| So if you go to public land, and there's a good percentage of the hunting that's done in the United States at least, Is done on public land. | ||
| And what that means is Freddie Roosevelt, or Theodore Roosevelt, in his wisdom, realized that we have all this incredible land in the United States. | ||
| Who's Freddie? | ||
| Is he his brother? | ||
| Freddie Roosevelt? | ||
| Freddie. | ||
| You're thinking of Teddy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know, I am, but I said Freddie Roosevelt first. | |
| Franklin. | ||
| Franklin and Teddy. | ||
| Yeah, Theodore Roosevelt. | ||
| But was it Franklin Roosevelt? | ||
| Teddy and Theodore is the same. | ||
| No, Teddy and Theodore is the same, right? | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the same. | ||
| Franklin. | ||
| Franklin Delano Roosevelt. | ||
| It's a different person. | ||
| When was he president? | ||
| Theodore Roosevelt's the guy who set it all up. | ||
| Anyway, Theodore Roosevelt set up conservation for like... | ||
| I'm good, dude. | ||
| 1933 to 45. Which one is that? | ||
| Franklin. | ||
| Franklin? | ||
| Oh, so Teddy Roosevelt's the original. | ||
| That's why they call the teddy bear the teddy bear. | ||
| He established things like Yellowstone. | ||
| When you go to Yellowstone, that's all because of those guys and the people in his era. | ||
| They looked at all this amazing land and they realized, we can't let this go away. | ||
| This is really important. | ||
| We've got to keep this Public. | ||
| We gotta keep this, we gotta figure out a way where everyone can go and enjoy this and not have someone just put a fence around it and make it impossible for people to traverse. | ||
| So they set up all these public lands in this country that are, it's really rare. | ||
| You don't have these giant chunks of land that no one can buy or sell. | ||
| In this country we do. | ||
| It's really, really rare in other countries. | ||
| What are some of the other animals that taste good that we don't ever get to eat? | ||
| Boar, elk? | ||
| Boar and elk are prime. | ||
| Parrot. | ||
| Elk is probably the best meat you'll ever have in your life. | ||
| It tastes so much better than beef. | ||
| It's just a pure meat. | ||
| It's pure. | ||
| And you're eating an animal that's eating what it's supposed to eat, too. | ||
| It's a healthy animal that's in the prime of its life. | ||
| So you can really only get it if you hunt it. | ||
| The only way. | ||
| Or if you have a friend that's a hunter. | ||
| The only way. | ||
| The only way. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| It's weird because that's what we should be eating. | ||
| I mean, it's so un-American to not be able to buy something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| You can't because we would wipe it out. | ||
| It's smart. | ||
| We would wipe it out. | ||
| But what if a farm raised... | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It wouldn't be wild anymore then. | ||
| Not only that, when they do that, and they have done that, they do raise wild ones and they put them in these pens and they put fences around them. | ||
| The problem is deer are not supposed to be eating all in the same spot and when they do they develop diseases. | ||
| They don't have immune systems for them. | ||
| So they developed something called chronic wasting disease. | ||
| So it was a giant issue in a lot of parts of the Midwest where they took these animals, and this is just speculation, they don't exactly know what caused this chronic wasting disease, but it didn't exist before these farm systems where they would grow these deer in these pens. | ||
| And so they put these high-fence operations up, these giant chain-link fences. | ||
| The deer can't get out. | ||
| They're all stuck in there. | ||
| And they would feed them. | ||
| And when you feed these deer, they'd be eating each other's saliva. | ||
| And they would develop all these diseases they never developed before because they were grass-eaters. | ||
| They're supposed to be out there eating wild vegetation. | ||
| That's what they're supposed to be eating. | ||
| Sage and grasses and all the different things that you see like, you know, when you see a buffalo roaming in a field. | ||
| That's what they're supposed to be eating, man. | ||
| But we, in our wisdom, have realized, oh, we can get these fuckers fatter if we just stick them in this thing and make them eat corn. | ||
| And so that's what fucked up our food in this country. | ||
| It's the same thing that fucked up the production of processed foods with all the sugar. | ||
| It's the same goddamn wisdom. | ||
| I don't think we're far away, though, for having like cloning food, being able to like, hey, we can make food nowadays. | ||
| No, they can do it now. | ||
| It's really expensive, but they can do it. | ||
| Do you think, though, it's not far away that where you could actually buy a certain, like you go to the grocery store, this is fake food, but you can buy like boar and all the game stuff? | ||
| It probably won't taste the same. | ||
| For the same reason why a cow doesn't taste the same if it eats grass. | ||
| Like, if you give a cow grass, it becomes this different animal. | ||
| If you give a cow corn, it becomes this fatty, lighter-colored animal that a lot of people think is more delicious. | ||
| A lot of people like that better. | ||
| They like corn-fed better. | ||
| Include Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| He likes the corn-fed beef. | ||
| He really does. | ||
| He's really like a fatty steak. | ||
| But he's also a chef. | ||
| He knows how to cook it perfectly and how to manipulate that fat and marble it perfectly or cook it perfectly, rather. | ||
| The marbling and all that jazz. | ||
| You've gotten to hang out with him, huh? | ||
| Yeah, a couple times. | ||
| Went hunting with him. | ||
| Does he love his life as much as I think he should? | ||
| He has the best job in the world, according to him. | ||
| Did you guys have a best job in the world off with each other? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Seems like you two would. | ||
| You're like two of the only people that I know that really, really seems like you guys should. | ||
| I mean, I know you do. | ||
| I don't know him, but I've always hoped, like, man, I hope he fucking knows what he's doing is everybody's dream job. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| He knows. | ||
| And I know too. | ||
| I definitely know that I have dream jobs. | ||
| But my dream job is different than his dream job. | ||
| We just both have dream jobs. | ||
| But you guys found your own dream jobs is what I'm saying. | ||
| Oh, for sure. | ||
| Yeah, like his dream job absolutely 100% is doing what he does. | ||
| He fucking loves it, man. | ||
| And, you know, he's also like super into jiu-jitsu now, which is really weird. | ||
| So everywhere he goes, he's more into jiu-jitsu than I ever was. | ||
| He trains every day. | ||
| Every fucking day. | ||
| Wasn't his lady? | ||
| But they got divorced. | ||
| But they were super good friends. | ||
| They just lived separate. | ||
| He's on the road all the time. | ||
| But they have a kid together and they're really close and they raise the kid together. | ||
| It's not a bad situation at all. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| He's a very, very, very smart guy. | ||
| And very real guy. | ||
| He just found something in jiu-jitsu and just pursued it and he's getting a reward out of it and he chases it down. | ||
| He goes to these places, man. | ||
| He's just sucking this world up. | ||
| Whether he's in Jamaica or China or anywhere he's going, he's just sucking these places up. | ||
| He's just pulling them in and writing about them and talking about them and experiencing them. | ||
| And you get that from the show. | ||
| It's a fucking powerful show, man. | ||
| It really fucking is. | ||
| Because he's somehow able to really tap into that culture as fast as possible. | ||
| Whoever those producers are that are doing... | ||
| There's a whole thing that has to go into that. | ||
| It's not like Anthony's calling places in Cuba. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So whoever's producing that and doing that research, he makes every little bite look unbelievable. | ||
| His company's called 0.0, and they're the same company that produces meat eater. | ||
| Same production company that produces those two amazing shows. | ||
| They know what the fuck they're doing. | ||
| They make great stuff. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Again, for him, that's his dream job. | ||
| Me, I'd be like, get me the fuck on my home. | ||
| I don't like traveling that much. | ||
| I travel plenty. | ||
| I'm home for a lot lately. | ||
| I'm home more now than ever before, and I like it a lot better. | ||
| And I'm not working less. | ||
| I'm working just as much. | ||
| I'm getting a lot of shit done. | ||
| But all that air travel and all that stuff, that is bullshit. | ||
| You're working smarter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I just realized there's a way to do this. | ||
| And another thing that helped fucking tremendously is coming back to the store. | ||
| I'm working on shit all the time. | ||
| I did four sets here the other night. | ||
| Last Thursday, I did four sets. | ||
| And I'm like, I can do four sets on a Thursday night at the same goddamn club. | ||
| I don't need to go anywhere. | ||
| I do, eventually, I do like to do the road. | ||
| But even the road, when I'm doing the road, I'm doing less theaters than ever. | ||
| Because I'm like, I have more fun at clubs. | ||
| I like 300 people. | ||
| That's what I like. | ||
| And you get more work done by doing more sets. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You get more work done by doing more sets, but also the experience. | ||
| You're not going to get as much money. | ||
| But the experience is a different experience. | ||
| It's a better experience. | ||
| It's more stand-up. | ||
| You're connected to those people. | ||
| Whereas those theaters, a lot of it is really fun. | ||
| New Year's was a fucking blast, right? | ||
| But a lot of it is a show. | ||
| Da-da-da-da-da. | ||
| It's a big-ass show. | ||
| Big lighting change. | ||
| Thousands of people there. | ||
| A lot of it, you're paying for that pop that happens when the lighting change happens and the show's about to start. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Well, you're just paying for all that energy. | ||
| Because you get always a cheesy thing usually at a comedy club. | ||
| Coming up next week at the Chuggle Hut. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Almost every decent club. | ||
| Parking validation available. | ||
| They always have weird announcements. | ||
| Is there a Chuggle Hut, by the way? | ||
| Must be. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| That would suck because that's like the bunt of everyone's jokes. | ||
| What do they say? | ||
| Everybody says uncle fuckers chuckle hut, right? | ||
| That's like what everybody says. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've just always chuckle hut is like what I picture like the worst comedy club to sound like. | ||
| Yeah man, those things are so important though. | ||
| Without those clubs, I've had this conversation with club owners before to give my thanks, because I think there's a combative relationship that happens between a lot of comics and club owners. | ||
| You know, oh they're trying to fuck us, because everybody has a story, right? | ||
| Everybody has a story where a club owner fucked you over or something happened. | ||
| Everybody has a story. | ||
| In the beginning, it's hard to get booked, so you develop this sort of contentious relationship with them in the first place because they don't want to use you because you're not really that good. | ||
| Then things start going for you, and then you start selling tickets, and then you think they're not giving you enough because you sell too many tickets. | ||
| Eventually you realize somewhere along the line, I think hopefully eventually, I did at least, that you fucking need those people. | ||
| Without them, there's no art form. | ||
| We need a place to practice. | ||
| This isn't like music. | ||
| This isn't like writing. | ||
| We have to go in front of those fucking people, and we're not going to do it ourselves. | ||
| Especially the funny ones. | ||
| You think Louis C.K. is going to open up a comedy club in New Hampshire? | ||
| Bill Burr? | ||
| Bill Burr going to open up a fucking laugh factory? | ||
| No. | ||
| Are you? | ||
| You gonna open up Economy Club? | ||
| No. | ||
| No one is. | ||
| So you need those fucking people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's crazy because, like, you know, without... | ||
| And it's also amazing how each club has their own different vibe and totally different DNA. There's no... | ||
| I mean, other than the improvs, which... | ||
| You figured out a way to do it. | ||
| You figured out a way to make them all feel the same. | ||
| And I don't like that. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| I enjoy my time in the Southern California improvs when I perform there. | ||
| Here's the thing, though. | ||
| It's not bad. | ||
| It's not a bad feeling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Like, if you go to do the Tempe Improv, even though it feels like all the improvs, it's a fucking great club. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Same thing with all of them. | ||
| They figured out how to do it right. | ||
| Because you go to every place, it's almost all the same experience. | ||
| It's a good experience. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then it just, they leave it up to the stand-up. | ||
| So they have everything down in between, but it feels very different than, say, if you go to Zaney's in Nashville. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's a club that's been in that form for 30 years or something like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's an amazing spot. | ||
| There's ancient headshots in the wall where half the people are dead. | ||
| Love that club. | ||
| That's a different vibe, right? | ||
| Or the Ice House. | ||
| That's a totally different vibe. | ||
| That's a non-corporate vibe. | ||
| That's like, holy shit, look at this gym. | ||
| I love that place so much. | ||
| God, it's the best. | ||
| Zany's in Chicago. | ||
| Portland Helium. | ||
| Denver Comedy Works. | ||
| All those places. | ||
| Helium in Philly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All those clubs are almost like a mom and pop organization, if you had to look at it that way. | ||
| Because they're a small business. | ||
| It's a small business that caters to live comedy. | ||
| Without it, we're fucked. | ||
| Look what happened in Houston. | ||
| The Laugh Stop and River Oaks closed down in Houston, and so did the scene. | ||
| I mean, I know there's some guys out there, and I don't want them to feel bad that I'm shitting on. | ||
| I'm not shitting on Houston. | ||
| There's a lot of great comics that came out of there. | ||
| You know, a lot of our friends came out of there. | ||
| Matty Kirsch. | ||
| But what happened was they had this powerful fucking scene. | ||
| It was like everybody thought about, you thought about LA, you thought about New York, you thought about Boston and San Francisco, and you thought about fucking Houston. | ||
| Houston was a real scene, man. | ||
| They had Kinnison and Hicks. | ||
| And it was like they had a whole thing going on. | ||
| And when we came along, I came along and I started working there in the late 90s. | ||
| And it was still echoing. | ||
| It was like Hicks was dead. | ||
| Tennyson was dead. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But there was like this bong. | |
| Just the last reverberations of the echoes of that crew. | ||
| Jimmy Pineapple and all these guys that came through with him. | ||
| And the outlaws of comedy that they used to call themselves. | ||
| And they were looking for the next ones. | ||
| Was there an Austin scene back then? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There was always a scene. | ||
| A very smart scene. | ||
| Austin's always been thought of as a smart place. | ||
| Because the university's there and it's a real liberal town, a smart town. | ||
| The Velveeta Room came along. | ||
| I don't know when did they start out. | ||
| I tell you what though, Houston's got a new up and coming, that new club that opened up, The Secret Group. | ||
| When did they open up? | ||
| Just this year. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| They did an entire festival in this multi-roomed super warehouse and they have an outdoor parking lot and they put a huge outdoor tent So we were doing like Kill Tony in one room while Joey sold out big ass warehouse like a fucking rave version of Kill Tony. | ||
| And outside in this big open field under a huge tent Joey Diaz just fucking rolling. | ||
| I mean this place has so many rooms and I believe it's a bunch of comics like Got together and bought it. | ||
| So they have a club, too? | ||
| It's called the Secret Group. | ||
| See, that's perfect. | ||
| With a bomb-ass huge green room in the middle. | ||
| But everybody's going to different shows, different rooms. | ||
| That sort of proves my point. | ||
| You need a club. | ||
| Because the Houston scene, they opened up an improv there. | ||
| But you know with improvs, the same thing we were talking about. | ||
| It's a corporate environment. | ||
| It's a totally different thing. | ||
| You're not going to have a bunch of people hanging around. | ||
| They probably don't have an open mic night. | ||
| If they do, it's probably not that big of a deal, and it's hard to get work. | ||
| One of the things about the really good places is you can actually start out there and then work, like Comedy Works. | ||
| Wendy has a whole system. | ||
| You start out there as an open mic-er, you develop your act, and they let you emcee on shows, they teach you how to bring people up, they teach you how to middle, then you learn how to headline, and then all of a sudden you're on the road. | ||
| You can actually become a comic and you can get paid there. | ||
| She has local headliners that started out in her club that'll come down there and do a week and sell tickets. | ||
| People know who they are. | ||
| People in the town. | ||
| She's a beast. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| You need a club, man. | ||
| You need a club and you need club owners. | ||
| Look at this place. | ||
| The greatest of all time. | ||
| We've got to paint this room black because we're going to do more of these. | ||
| We're going to paint these room black. | ||
| And I'm going to put blue LEDs behind the comedy store like a Mexican's lowrider. | ||
| You know how they have those things lit up? | ||
| I tell you what. | ||
| You know Hue? | ||
| I think it's Philips Hue. | ||
| You can get a lot of light bulbs and then control it with apps and change all the different colors. | ||
| They have the new Lightstrip Pro 2s which are so bright but it can change any color you want. | ||
| You just sit there and go like, I want purple behind the comedy store right now. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| I think it should be blue, though, for whatever reason. | ||
| Make it anything you want. | ||
| Leave it blue. | ||
| I'm just thinking about putting... | ||
| If you have a black wall with the red behind it, it's got that red pop on it. | ||
| That might be it. | ||
| That's the move, right? | ||
| Because that's the light. | ||
| Maybe we put the light on when we're going to end the podcast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That's like the red light. | ||
| Like, oh my god, the light is on. | ||
| We found it. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's what we're going to do. | ||
| Okay, so that sign will put a red LED light behind it. | ||
| We're going to paint this whole room black. | ||
| And we've got to get rid of the interrogation lighting. | ||
| This is horrible. | ||
| Tell me the codes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is verse 48. This is that room where people fuck up. | |
| Don't talk! | ||
| Even when they're guilty, I'm like, keep your mouth shut! | ||
| Why do I feel like some guy's gonna walk in and put a cigarette out of my forehead right now? | ||
| Whenever I watch those videos, I always... | ||
| You're gonna tell the damn truth, son! | ||
| I always watch those videos, and I hope those guys lie. | ||
| I hope they do a good job. | ||
| I'm like, come on, you can get out of this. | ||
| That's what you can get out of this. | ||
| Did I tell you this? | ||
| That I've been watching those videos lately. | ||
| Real interrogation videos. | ||
| It's interesting as fuck to me. | ||
| Because either they break or they don't break. | ||
| Very rare they don't break. | ||
| But when they don't break, you have to be really worried. | ||
| Because those are fucking sociopaths. | ||
| That's exactly the interesting thing. | ||
| It's like when they don't break, you're even more amazed. | ||
| Like, oh, you evil motherfucker just able to stay so calm. | ||
| You've got to look some of these up, man. | ||
| My favorite is when they admit to a little bit of a lie. | ||
| And then they have to correct their story. | ||
| And then you see them like four hours later. | ||
| And they just beat these dudes down. | ||
| They keep talking to them hour after hour after hour. | ||
| Which should be, by the way, totally illegal. | ||
| Because you leave me in a room for fucking six hours. | ||
| If I think that I'm going to get to a bed in six hours, I'll start confessing to shit. | ||
| Like, that's what people do. | ||
| Like, yeah, okay. | ||
| I fucking stabbed him. | ||
| Can I go to sleep now? | ||
| My plane yesterday got stuck on the tarmac in San Francisco. | ||
| Was it Delta? | ||
| Yeah, but it had nothing to do with Delta. | ||
| There was a ground stoppage for the first time in a very long time at LAX, which means any flights that are about to leave from anywhere automatically delayed until further notice because of weather they were at full ground stoppage. | ||
| And about the interrogation thing, I'm on the tarmac. | ||
| The delay was four hours and I was literally fighting back tears. | ||
| I was breaking as a human. | ||
| Yeah, you were crying about the rain. | ||
| You were upstairs crying about the rain during Kill Tony. | ||
| We've had a massive drought. | ||
| People are dying. | ||
| There's no water for the babies. | ||
| Nobody's dying from this drought. | ||
| Do you know how many people died just yesterday from hurricanes? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 18. Tornadoes, too. | ||
| Yeah, maybe tornadoes. | ||
| Maybe tornadoes, not hurricanes. | ||
| One of those. | ||
| Yeah, Atlanta. | ||
| Atlanta got fucked. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hurricanes, they know. | ||
| It's coming. | ||
| If you get fucked up by a hurricane, either you're really poor or you're really stupid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| But if you get fucked up by a tornado, you just got shit locked. | ||
| They said that 18 people died in Atlanta or whatever that was, but I looked it up, and like 12 of them, or 16-something, there was a very high number of the people were all at one trailer park that basically just got squished. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I thought the stat was crazy. | ||
| I'm just trying to guess here, but out of the 18 people that died in Atlanta, 12 of them is my final answer on the guess. | ||
| All from the same trailer park. | ||
| I was thinking, what the fuck had to happen at this trailer park? | ||
| I didn't really get to figure it out. | ||
| They didn't have much detail. | ||
| There's been some towns. | ||
| I want to say Jasper, Missouri. | ||
| Maybe that's one of those towns that was literally wiped off the map by tornadoes. | ||
| Like, tornadoes came in like a gigantic eraser. | ||
| And you're talking about like hundreds of yards wide. | ||
| And just destroyed everything. | ||
| Just cleaned the entire top off. | ||
| Killed everyone that was there. | ||
| And just through the buildings, through the air, there was nothing left. | ||
| Annihilated the whole town. | ||
| There's a before and after photo. | ||
| It might not be Jasper. | ||
| I forget what the name of the town is. | ||
| It's probably Oklahoma or Oklahoma. | ||
| That sounds about right. | ||
| It's all in that same area. | ||
| Why am I saying Missouri, though? | ||
| Why am I saying Jasper, Missouri? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I might be right. | ||
| Wherever the fuck it was that this happened, whatever this town was, I had no idea. | ||
| I thought they would come down and just fuck up a few houses. | ||
| I never knew they occasionally killed the whole town. | ||
| Twister was on at the hotel the other day. | ||
| Remember that movie? | ||
| No, it was fucking cool, man. | ||
| It was pretty entertaining to me. | ||
| How high were you? | ||
| Very high. | ||
| I'll tell you this. | ||
| There was one part which I noticed in which I'm like, go fuck yourself. | ||
| Remember the part where Helen Hunt gets out when all the balls drop out of the machine? | ||
| She's like, no, go ahead. | ||
| I'm going to put the balls back in the machine. | ||
| There's literally like an F5 tornado right next to that. | ||
| Embarrassing. | ||
| There are parts in old movies that just wreck it all. | ||
| That one scene is so unbelievable now for some reason that it ruins the whole entire movie. | ||
| Yeah, no, it wasn't Jasper. | ||
| Yeah, it was a Category 5 hurricane. | ||
| Those F5s are the ones. | ||
| Catastrophic damage. | ||
| I was so obsessed with and afraid. | ||
| I was deathly afraid of tornadoes when I was a kid. | ||
| There was a whole period for a few years. | ||
| Okay, it's Joplin. | ||
| Joplin, Missouri. | ||
| That's where I fucked up. | ||
| But look, that's the town. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Not Jasper, Joplin. | ||
| If you look at it, there is nothing. | ||
| It is annihilated. | ||
| It's fucking crazy. | ||
| And that was an F5? That was as high as it gets, I think. | ||
| Is that as high as it gets? | ||
| Yeah, F5's the one. | ||
| $2.2 billion in damage. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| $2.2 billion in damage. | ||
| That is insane. | ||
| Did you see that house for sale in Los Angeles? | ||
| It's like the most expensive house in Los Angeles. | ||
| Oh, is that the one in Bel Air that's like 500 million bucks? | ||
| And it comes with a helicopter and a classic car collection. | ||
| I don't know if it comes with that. | ||
| It does, I promise you. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it doesn't. | ||
| Jamie could tell you. | ||
| It comes with a helicopter. | ||
| It's got a real house, though. | ||
| Look at this town. | ||
| It's got all the things that are a house, but it's not made for people to live in. | ||
| It's like a party place. | ||
| So it's for someone who doesn't even want to live here. | ||
| I come for one weekend. | ||
| I mean, how many bathrooms does it have? | ||
| It has like 26 bathrooms in one place. | ||
| That sounds awesome. | ||
| Bring the beaches. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Isn't it weird that a car survived, but not the whole town? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's incredible. | |
| For those of you that can't see the image of Joplin, it looks like the inside of old pencil sharpeners. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's like just sticks. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| This house comes with a $30 million car collection, too. | ||
| $30 million car collection. | ||
| It's a bargain. | ||
| So then what's that number for? | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| They're saying like... | ||
| How much for a weekend? | ||
| It also comes with seven full-time staffers to help tend the two massive... | ||
| You own them? | ||
| You own them? | ||
| I own the staff? | ||
| I can fuck. | ||
| Yes or no? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can fuck the staff? | |
| I want to fuck staff. | ||
| Get me a staff I can fuck! | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely got to have some hookers. | ||
| What's the Airbnb on this place for the night? | ||
|
unidentified
|
A lot. | |
| Too much for you. | ||
| Stop. | ||
| Comes with all the pussy you want. | ||
| Tony spent the rest of his money on one night. | ||
| One night at the Airbnb. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dubai, Airbnb. | |
| Because there's dudes out there that are balling so hard we don't know about it. | ||
| You know, there's some royal family members that are worth trillions of dollars. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| When you hear about the richest man in the world, you go, wow, what's it like to have 90 billion? | ||
| That's not the richest man in the world. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| The richest man in the world is a guy that you don't even know. | ||
| Those oil dudes. | ||
| Those dudes in Saudi Arabia and the Middle East, oligarchs. | ||
| They have monarchies. | ||
| They have these fucking gigantic piles of wealth that you can't even wrap your brain around. | ||
| Trillions! | ||
| Trillions! | ||
| Thousands of billions. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Do you know this? | ||
| Oh, I know this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Man. | ||
| Thousands of billions. | ||
| Do you know the story of the Sultan of Dubai? | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| Sultan of Brunei, rather. | ||
| No. | ||
| Sultan of Brunei, he would bring in gals and pay them like $50,000 a month. | ||
| Just come on down. | ||
| And they would go for a few months, make a quarter million bucks, then fly home. | ||
| And they'd get all this jewelry and diamonds and shit. | ||
| And one little hooker ruined the whole party. | ||
| They caught her with a laptop. | ||
| She's writing stories about it. | ||
| She wanted to write a book about her experience. | ||
| So this dude, this is what he would do. | ||
| He had a disco in his house, in one of his many houses, and he would have it filled with all these girls that were making who knows how much money, just tens of thousands of dollars, and he would come out in his fucking gold underwear, and just in slippers, and just slide across the room like he was in that scene with Tom Cruise. | ||
| What's that movie? | ||
| Risky Business? | ||
| He'd slide in like that in his gold underwear and just go eeny, meeny, miny, moe and just pick one out. | ||
| And just, fuck the shit out of him. | ||
| And then the next day, do the same thing. | ||
| And he'd do whatever he wants. | ||
| And that chick wrote the story on it? | ||
| One of them did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was like, so what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going back home. | |
| Do you think he wears a condom? | ||
| Is that him? | ||
| That's really him? | ||
| Yep, that's him. | ||
| That's like Pat Reagan. | ||
| He does the heeny, meeny, miny, moe, that guy? | ||
| That guy's totally covered in gold. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| That guy's worth more money than you can ever... | ||
| Can I be one of these girls? | ||
| Go away for $50,000. | ||
| I'm doing a gig in Dubai, guys, for a whole month. | ||
| You just want to be the court jester. | ||
| Go over there and crack some jokes. | ||
| Man, that's fucking crazy. | ||
| You think he wears a condom? | ||
| No. | ||
| No condom, right? | ||
| Shut up. | ||
| Why would he do that? | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| He's just shooting loads into these gals. | ||
| But then again, he's opening himself up for possible disease. | ||
| I wonder if they have to get tested. | ||
| For possible what? | ||
| I bet he gets them tested. | ||
| He puts them in catapults and shoots them in the air. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| His giant throne. | ||
| One of them probably. | ||
| Look at his throne. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Look at him sit there and he's covered with this thing that looks like something that belongs inside the pyramids. | ||
| It looks like a sunglass hut in Glendale. | ||
| Everything is gold, dude. | ||
| Do you understand that that's real gold? | ||
| Like everything is gold plated. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Real gold plated. | ||
| Everything. | ||
| Everywhere you look. | ||
| Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. | ||
| That's his car. | ||
| Gold. | ||
| That looks like it's in cookies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| You mean a cake? | ||
| Like a cake? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like a cake? | |
| Cake wheels. | ||
| And that's all from oil money? | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| They have a different kind of money, man. | ||
| It's a different level of money. | ||
| See, we have this idea that, like, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| Those guys are broke. | ||
| They're broke in comparison to this dude. | ||
| You know, like, Donald Trump's worth $4 billion. | ||
| That fucking guy is laughing. | ||
| If you gave him only $4 billion, he would start crying. | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| If he found out all he has left is $4 billion, he'd go, what? | ||
| What? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| He would fall to his knees. | ||
| He'd think, how has God cursed me? | ||
| With only $4 billion. | ||
| His plane has a virtual floor so you can see what you're flying over. | ||
| Of course it does. | ||
| Of course it does. | ||
| Hashtag ballin'. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Hashtag ball and out of control. | ||
| Our ideas of wealth, of catastrophic wealth, we are so sheltered from the true catastrophic wealth because if we were really exposed to it and we really understood it and then we understood where it came from, we'd understand what the fuck is going on in the world and how bizarre the system of government we have that supports this and allows this kind of shit to happen. | ||
| Let me ask you a question. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Please do. | |
| You're hanging out one day. | ||
| All of a sudden your phone rings. | ||
| You're sitting there cutting up some elk and some jalapenos and you're slicing up some avocado late night. | ||
| Your phone rings and all of a sudden you hear, Hello Joe, it is me, the Sultan. | ||
| I heard you talk about the podcast and I wanted to invite you over to Saudi Arabia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll send a plane. | |
| First of all, how many Ferraris do you have really? | ||
| Because I heard you have 150 Ferraris. | ||
| How many Ferraris does he have? | ||
| He might get mad at me for saying only 150. Probably might be a thousand Ferraris. | ||
| Like, for real, he's got one of the most ridiculous car collections the world has ever known. | ||
| Would you go visit him if he sent a plane for you? | ||
| If he's like, I want to fly you out for a week. | ||
| Reported over 300 Ferraris. | ||
| 300 Ferraris. | ||
| Come out. | ||
| We'll drive my Ferrari. | ||
| We'll do a podcast, even. | ||
| I'll play it on the truth. | ||
| I would love to, but I got a podcast with Bill Burr. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| Okay, well not... | ||
| How many? | ||
| 300 Ferraris? | ||
| He's got over 5,000 cars. | ||
| It's reported over 300 Ferraris. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| He probably bought 300 new ones. | ||
| Jay Leno just killed himself. | ||
| If you listen closely. | ||
| Jay Leno's place is a fucking riot. | ||
| If you get a chance someday and one day you get to be on Jay Leno's garage, if you get a sick car, get a custom car or something like that, take it. | ||
| Just to go there. | ||
| Or next time I go, come with me. | ||
| It's right in your neighborhood, man. | ||
| Burbank Airbus. | ||
| It's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| He has 11 buildings, warehouses, filled with cars. | ||
| I thought it was like a warehouse. | ||
| I thought Jay Leno's got this cool collection. | ||
| It's a warehouse. | ||
| It's filled with cars. | ||
| No, it's 11 warehouses. | ||
| And he can just jump in one and start it, and you're driving it. | ||
| Everyone works. | ||
| They have mechanics. | ||
| There's mechanics everywhere. | ||
| They take care of everything. | ||
| The whole thing, every car is functional, and he drives them all the time, including like these 1903 tractors. | ||
| He put these things, they have metal wheels. | ||
| They didn't even have tires. | ||
| So he had rubber put on the outside of the metal so he could drive them on the street and got them registered. | ||
| They're death traps. | ||
| There's no way it can stop. | ||
| There's no way it can take a corner. | ||
| I mean, it's the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in the world, but he drives it. | ||
| He drives all his cars around Burbank all the time. | ||
| You always see him in a fire truck or a lollipop. | ||
| It's gotta be crazy for him seeing Seinfeld doing comedians and cars getting coffee and he's like, I really missed an opportunity on that one. | ||
| What he's doing is better. | ||
| What he's doing is better. | ||
| I don't want to say it's better, but his show is really about the car. | ||
| Whereas Seinfeld is like, the car is just like a set, where the comic, you know, where Ricky Gervais can pretend that he's laughing hysterically. | ||
| It's a prop, you know what I mean? | ||
| Whereas with Jay Leno, like, I brought my Corvette on Jay Leno's show, and dude, that guy... | ||
| He fucking loves cars. | ||
| I mean, he's going over every little inch of the car. | ||
| We're talking about this. | ||
| We're talking about that. | ||
| You see this glint in his eyes. | ||
| He's talking about suspensions and tires and wheels and, you know, what kind of power steering you're running and what are you doing for the interior, the bolsters in the seats of these stock. | ||
| These are custom. | ||
| Where are these coming from? | ||
| He does that with every car, man. | ||
| He fucking loves cars. | ||
| So for him, it's not even about being funny. | ||
| He doesn't give a shit if a whole show goes by where he doesn't crack a single joke. | ||
| He'll just talk about cars. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| I've seen him host The Tonight Show. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| You son of a bitch. | ||
| I was always more of a Letterman guy. | ||
| He's way better doing this than anything he's ever done. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| He and I had a conversation about it. | ||
| He was really honest about it. | ||
| He talked about it on my podcast, too. | ||
| He's like, I used to have these people on, and I didn't give a fuck about what they were doing. | ||
| I didn't know the band. | ||
| He's like, fuck, I'm 57 years old. | ||
| Do I know this band? | ||
| I don't know this band. | ||
| He's like, I didn't care. | ||
| But that's the job. | ||
| The job was to be friendly, have these people out. | ||
| He goes, now, I'm talking about what I love. | ||
| These cars are, he loves cars, man. | ||
| You bring that guy a car, and you know, especially like a Hot Rod or something like that. | ||
| He just gets this spark in his eye, man. | ||
| He just walks around them. | ||
| He just has a deep... | ||
| Almost as much as he has a love for comedy. | ||
| I don't know if they're the same level, but it's like right about... | ||
| He might love cars more. | ||
| He really do. | ||
| He might love cars more. | ||
| Do you think he should dye his hair black? | ||
| I don't give a fuck, dude. | ||
| He's wearing jean shirts. | ||
| He's worth $100 million. | ||
| Just for like a year. | ||
| That guy's a little fuck. | ||
| He's got like 11 cars that are worth more than a million dollars. | ||
| Man. | ||
| They're all over the place in his fucking garages. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| He's got these old Lamborghinis and shit, these old Ferraris. | ||
| You look at him and you're like, what? | ||
| He's got a car with a jet engine? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And is it true? | ||
| Did I hear that he doesn't spend his Tonight Show money? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| It's all from stand-up. | ||
| Doing corporate gigs. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's all corporate gigs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| You gotta think, a guy like that, the fucking host of The Tonight Show, if you do a corporate gig, you can make a ton of money. | ||
| I don't think people understand. | ||
| He's probably making hundreds of thousands of dollars a gig. | ||
| They're flying him out there in a private jet, he does the gig, and he comes back and does The Tonight Show. | ||
| So he would leave The Tonight Show, The Tonight Show tapes during the daytime, he'd be done, he'd fly somewhere on his private jet, do some ridiculous corporate gig, make hundreds of thousands of dollars, and fly right back, and then do it again, and do it again, and do it again. | ||
| And he's making millions of dollars a month doing that. | ||
| Burbank Airport. | ||
| Balling! | ||
| Jade Leno's balling! | ||
| Man. | ||
| When I had him on my podcast, he swore. | ||
| He was telling crazy stories about when he worked with the mafia and mafia people were threatening guys' life, these mobsters. | ||
| He was hilarious. | ||
| Did he ever hang out with the Sultan? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| He never put the slippers on, the golden underwear. | ||
| I want to figure out how to make friends with this guy. | ||
| I want to ride around in a gold car. | ||
| You think you do. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to be friends with somebody that's that powerful because if you fuck up or you do something wrong, then you have somebody that powerful that's your enemy. | ||
| There's this guy named Ike or whatever his name is that owns this thing and I got scared. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why would you say his name before any other description? | |
| Because I've talked about it on Joe Rogan before. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| We used to do a show with him. | ||
| Remember that really rich guy that had that... | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Let's not mention his name. | ||
| But it was scary because after a while, you're like, you don't want somebody that is going to troll you for life that is that powerful and rich. | ||
| And that's what it felt like with this guy. | ||
| Like, oh, if I get on his side where I become like a Baba Booey or some kind of Howard Stern guy, and he could just fuck with me for the rest of my life, kind of like what they're doing upstairs at the Ding Dong show right now with Perry. | ||
| They're saying that Don's dead right now. | ||
| Shh! | ||
| He is dead, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shh! | |
| He doesn't know internet. | ||
| He's listening to the live stream right now. | ||
| Well, listen, dude, you wouldn't be that guy. | ||
| You're not that fucked up. | ||
| You know what I mean, though? | ||
| I don't necessarily know what you mean, but I do know what you mean. | ||
| I just don't think you're describing it in the best way. | ||
| But yeah, don't make an enemy out of a crazy rich dude. | ||
| Like a super powerful guy. | ||
| They're almost scary to even know. | ||
| Got it. | ||
| I wonder what else the Sultans do for fun, though. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Oh, yeah, he wants. | ||
| I'd love to know what that is. | ||
| I'm just saying, if he fucks on that level of eeny, meeny, miny, fucking moe, then what else is he doing for fun on that level that we can't imagine because that's how he fucks, so how does he eat? | ||
| Imagine what he must walk into. | ||
| If his palace, if everything really is gold like that, his meals must be fucking spectacles. | ||
| Must be wild. | ||
| Uncomfortable chairs, I bet, though. | ||
| I bet he's got boar and elk just stacked to the ceiling. | ||
| I wonder what they eat. | ||
| Who knows, man? | ||
| Anything they want. | ||
| I bet it's one of those things where he probably has food shipped to him every day, so he gets to choose what he wants, and it's always fresh, and they just get rid of what he doesn't eat. | ||
| I bet it's one of those deals. | ||
| Because I bet when you have that kind of money, you would probably want to have a full menu where you could pick from whatever you want, even if it was just you eating alone. | ||
| He's probably one of those guys. | ||
| So they have to fly in fish and lobster and meat. | ||
| He's probably vegan. | ||
| Why would you say he's vegan? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| He just seems like he would be vegan. | ||
| Why would you think that a guy who fucks all those girls and lives in a gold palace would be vegan? | ||
| Because you think he'd be all earthy and spiritual? | ||
| Because he can afford it. | ||
| Most people can't afford healthy lifestyle. | ||
| It's not a healthy lifestyle. | ||
| It's expensive to be vegan. | ||
| They keep this guy pretty low-key though, huh? | ||
| Well, he keeps himself low-key, particularly now, after that whole thing with that girl writing that article or the book or whatever the fuck she was trying to write. | ||
| After Ramadan, they have a three-day, I don't know if you would have called it a festival or something, but it says that 30,000 locals and visitors arrive each day to banquet at the royal family's palace. | ||
| Wow, 30,000. | ||
| They have a giant feast for the locals, I suppose. | ||
| After Ramadan. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| So he's Muslim, so he probably eats things that are halal. | ||
| so he probably eats a lot of meat whatever the fuck he wants they have restrictions so I don't think he's allowed to eat pork so he's probably not eating boar see they came up with all that stuff though back when people were getting diseases man you know pigs they eat whatever the fuck they want they eat everything including each other so they probably came up with that stuff like those religious rules about pork in particular that's almost definitely related to disease and illness you know It doesn't make sense. | ||
| Jews and Muslims all have that in their religion, that you're not supposed to be eating pork. | ||
| What do you think about this, like Trump taking the U.S. government to Israel? | ||
| Have you heard about that? | ||
| What? | ||
| You know when we have bases in other countries? | ||
| He's going to put a base in Israel? | ||
| Is that what you're saying? | ||
| Yeah, and that's something that presidents have been scared to do for a long time. | ||
| Palestine's pissed. | ||
| Is that true, Jamie? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I'm sorry, I just read something that just said at the end of the feast everyone gets a cake, but he also inserted a clause into the constitution that proclaims, quote, he can do no wrong in either his personal or any official capacity. | ||
| That's in his constitution? | ||
| He gave him a cake, man. | ||
| What the fuck do you want? | ||
| He can do no wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So he can do whatever he wants. | ||
| So he has a clause in their constitution that he can do whatever he wants. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| It's got to become an art constitution. | ||
| Trump's plan to move the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem. | ||
| Jerusalem. | ||
| We can't even talk. | ||
| How are you talking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jerusalem. | |
| Take that from him. | ||
| Welcome to Jerusalem. | ||
| Take that from him and read. | ||
| Are you drunk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Say that again. | |
| Are you drunk? | ||
| Are you Brian? | ||
| No. | ||
| Struggling with the words? | ||
| Jerusalem. | ||
| Jerusalem. | ||
| Jerusalem? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's just... | ||
| That's a weird word, though. | ||
| Jerusalem? | ||
| Jerusalem. | ||
| I can't even say it. | ||
| They used to have some crazy-ass words. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mesopotamia. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Jerusalem is a... | ||
| Jerusalem. | ||
| That's where... | ||
| Stop and think about that. | ||
| How about Czechoslovakia? | ||
| Why do you have to use so many noises for your country? | ||
| They do that in Poland. | ||
| But why? | ||
| In the Polish areas. | ||
| But why? | ||
| Why? | ||
| Welcome to Lithuania. | ||
| Well, slow down. | ||
| Why did you name your place that? | ||
| This is your spot? | ||
| The noise I make for my spot. | ||
| I mean, think of what they think. | ||
| We don't know what Lithuania means, but think of what they hear when we go, the United States of America. | ||
| They're probably like, listen to these blubbering idiots. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, they need to talk to me, and I'll just go, America. | |
| Where are you from? | ||
| America. | ||
| Where are you from? | ||
| Czechoslovakia. | ||
| Hey man, your name sounds funny. | ||
| How come your name's so long? | ||
| How come y'all decided to put all those fucking sounds in your name? | ||
| Greedy ass sound user. | ||
| Sucking up all the sound. | ||
| Attributing it to your patch of dirt, huh? | ||
| How big is this Czechoslovakia? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| That little tiny ass thing with that big ol' fuckin' name? | ||
| That's the problem, man. | ||
| A lot of them are real little. | ||
| How big is Czechoslovakia? | ||
| Is that a big spot? | ||
| Maybe that's what it is. | ||
| Maybe they're trying to overcompensate for how small. | ||
| Czechoslovakia, big spot? | ||
| Am I talking shit? | ||
| No, it's little. | ||
| Seems like it would be little. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Give me the dumbest name of a country that you know of. | ||
| Nigeria. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because it's just a joke. | ||
| They didn't know that name before they came up with that. | ||
| That name didn't exist. | ||
| Kazakhstan? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| Antarctica? | ||
| That's kind of a goofy one, but it sounds pretty. | ||
| Because there's not a lot of Z's in it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know? | ||
| Throw a lot of Z's. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Where's Borat supposed to be from? | ||
| Kazakhstan. | ||
| They get super mad at him. | ||
| You know, they sued him. | ||
| They are so pissed. | ||
| I bet that guy has to hide. | ||
| Those Kazakhstan people are so fucking pissed because of that Borat character. | ||
| It's from Kazakhstan. | ||
| Could you imagine if there's like one guy who was doing this character of your tiny little country and it is a fucking huge smash comedy hit that this... | ||
| Complete retard. | ||
| Just representing your country and just fucking up everything. | ||
| You know, like, remember when he did that movie? | ||
| And I asked him where to go to the bathroom, and he took a shit in a bag, then he handed the lady the bag, trying to get it. | ||
| Like, what do I do with this? | ||
| And she's like, well, what's that? | ||
| This is my shit. | ||
| What do I do? | ||
| Do you see his new one? | ||
| No. | ||
| I heard there's a scene in it that's really worth the whole movie. | ||
| Which one is his new one? | ||
| The one where he's a tennis player or something like that. | ||
| The problem with those is that those are comedies. | ||
| What I like is the stuff that's illegal now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The stuff that he used to do that he kept getting sued for. | ||
| That's the best shit. | ||
| Jackass was on the other night on the front porch after the roast battle, and just watching Jackass, I miss that. | ||
| There's something to that. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| Just seeing people getting fucked up. | ||
| It's one of the funniest things. | ||
| It's just undeniably funny. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| Yeah, it's instinctual. | ||
| It's like in your system. | ||
| I remember, I'll never forget this one, where they had this big hand on a spring that would give guys high fives, and it would come out of nowhere and just fucking nail you and send you flying across the room. | ||
| And they had bags of flour on it, so when it hit, it blew up the flour. | ||
| Yeah, it would hit you in the face and blow you up with flour, and it was fucking huge. | ||
| It would knock people over. | ||
| They're all amazing. | ||
| I love Jackass so fucking much. | ||
| And I stumbled across Jackass 2.5 recently, which is basically all the footage that they didn't get a chance to use or that was too edgy or came out too extreme for their MTV show Wild Boys. | ||
| Because it turns out that they had to like... | ||
| Have it ready for MTV. It was just different than the shit they were really pulling at this level. | ||
| So anything in which the network heads were like, we can't air that on MTV2 or whatever the fuck Wild Boys was on. | ||
| They just turned it into this super movie of shit that was literally too fucking good for MTV and the show Wild Boys at the time. | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's Jackass 2.5. | ||
| And remember, they're doing Wild Boys, which is more like they're out in the safaris and the deserts with cheetahs and fucking everything. | ||
| They had a ham. | ||
| They were playing keep-away with hyenas with a ham. | ||
| Do you know how fucking scary that is? | ||
| No. | ||
| Hyenas will kill you. | ||
| They're huge. | ||
| They're like 200-pound wild dogs that crush bones with their teeth. | ||
| And they're playing keep away with them. | ||
| Wild hyenas with a ham. | ||
| They're standing right in front of them with no fence, no protection. | ||
| Those guys are fucking hilarious. | ||
| They're insane. | ||
| And the other thing about Jackass 2.5 is there's ones that were also like, you could tell a couple of them were just so disgusting that they couldn't put it on MTV. Like my favorite fucking one. | ||
| And it just like, I was dying of laughter. | ||
| I was howling like an animal. | ||
| All of a sudden, they're sort of explaining, we met this one guy who has the world's longest fingernails. | ||
| We didn't know what we were going to do with them. | ||
| Another cool thing about 2.5 is it's sort of more documentary style because they're laughing about all this footage. | ||
| Is that the guy from India? | ||
| He has these crazy curly fingernails. | ||
| Super duper long fingernails. | ||
| They're like, we didn't end up knowing what to do with this guy. | ||
| Steve-O had this one idea, and then that was it. | ||
| And all of a sudden, it cuts to this Indian guy. | ||
| You know, you've seen him. | ||
| They had just giant, long fingernails, like five feet long or whatever the fuck. | ||
| And all of a sudden, you just see an Indian guy's face, and it slowly starts to pan out. | ||
| You see his nails, and he has a bottle of Miller Lite. | ||
| And he just goes, Hello, I am... | ||
| This is Miller time. | ||
| And you see him just start to pour the beer on the back of his hand that's just hanging there. | ||
| The back of his hand that has the fingernails on it. | ||
| Right, and all the beer starts rolling down his fingernails, and as the camera pans out, you just start to hear like... | ||
| You just start to hear that noise, and as it pans out, you see Steve-O's laying on his back, on the ground, underneath him, and all that Miller beer is rolling down these fingernails. | ||
| I was screaming. | ||
| I was screaming by myself in my apartment watching this. | ||
| Dying of laughter. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Jamie's got it. | ||
| He just goes, this is Miller time. | ||
| But you hear Steve-O gagging before the camera even gets there. | ||
| It's so fucking funny. | ||
| Look how long his nails are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And there's so much. | |
| Look how it went. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| And he's gagging and throwing up. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Watch how much he throws up. | ||
| Oh, it's about to get great right now. | ||
| He's hurling. | ||
| He's hurling. | ||
| These Indian girls are so grossed out. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Look at the pile of vomit in front of them. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| That's the worst. | ||
| Steve-O is crazy. | ||
| It's so interesting seeing him sober now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's a fun guy. | ||
| I really like that guy a lot. | ||
| You know who was not sober? | ||
| Andy Dick the other day. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Told you. | ||
| Dave Chappelle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| It was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| Why'd they let Andy in if he was drinking? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| I knew that was going to happen. | ||
| He stole Dave's beer. | ||
| He heckled him the whole time. | ||
| Three times. | ||
| Stole three beers. | ||
| He stole my last call. | ||
| Like, I got, like, last call and I got a drink. | ||
| He was annoying and aggressive. | ||
| Listen, man, that's why I didn't have him on again. | ||
| I was telling you, this is not going to last. | ||
| This is temporary. | ||
| The sobriety thing, working on sobriety. | ||
| He's a slingshot, and he pulled that slingshot back, and then he's eventually got to let it go. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| I don't understand sobriety. | ||
| I don't understand people that go off the rails like he does, where they get that fucked up and that crazy, but he's got it, whatever that is. | ||
| You worked with him all the way back? | ||
| Fuck yeah, man. | ||
| I worked with him for five years. | ||
| And was he always that way? | ||
| Always that way. | ||
| Party machine. | ||
| A lot of it is, I really honestly believe this, and maybe Andy would probably agree with me, I think some shit happened to him when he was a child. | ||
| And I think he battles that. | ||
| And I think, he has a real issue, man. | ||
| He's talked about it before. | ||
| I'm not revealing anything that he hasn't said already, but he doesn't remember a lot of his childhood. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Like a lot of it. | ||
| It's blocked it out. | ||
| And he's got a substance problem. | ||
| He has it more than anybody I've ever met in terms of like he gets it and then that switch goes off and he's gone. | ||
| He's off to the races. | ||
| And he's a sweet guy. | ||
| And he's a fucking talented guy. | ||
| He's a really funny guy. | ||
| Andy and I, we did scenes together where we had to do three, four, and five takes because I couldn't stop laughing. | ||
| I was holding it in as much as I can. | ||
| He's a really funny guy. | ||
| As shit-faced and as negative and annoying as he was the other night, he was still sort of killing it through this glaze of just annoyance. | ||
| He's funny, man. | ||
| He's talented. | ||
| Of course it was like he was just the Scottie Pippen as Chappelle's Jordan because he was literally heckling Chappelle while he's on stage. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| They shouldn't have let him do that. | ||
| Do it again! | ||
| They should have kicked him out. | ||
| Yeah, they totally should have. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| And then they try to fuck our friend. | ||
| Ha ha ha! | ||
| The first five times I met Andy, he was completely shit-faced and obsessed with trying to fuck me. | ||
| I'm like, okay, nice to meet you again, Andy. | ||
| And that was it. | ||
| And then the last few times, he was sober and fucking awesome. | ||
| Really great guy. | ||
| And then I saw him for the first time since that the other night, and he's sitting in a chair right in the back bar area, like where the employees are. | ||
| He's the only one just sitting there in a chair. | ||
| And I'm like, oh, I... I wonder what happened to Annie as I'm walking up all in one motion. | ||
| As I get closer, I see that at the same time he's licking somebody's arm that he's with, just licking their arm up and down. | ||
| And I'm like, oh no, he's not sober anymore. | ||
| Like his variation of sobriety and not sober, I've never seen him like getting drunk or having a drink. | ||
| I've only seen him absolutely at a thousand miles an hour shit-faced and aggressively sexual continuously. | ||
| Or Very nice dude. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| I think he's a nice dude. | ||
| I think he's a nice dude. | ||
| I think he really is a good guy. | ||
| I think Andy's a very good guy. | ||
| He's just a very good guy that does not get along with substances, and he needs them for whatever reason. | ||
| He's drawn to them. | ||
| I don't know what you do to cure someone of that. | ||
| Even if I knew what to cure one person, I think everybody has their own individual answer for that. | ||
| And I think for some people, they just don't want to ever get completely free. | ||
| Or they do, and then they don't. | ||
| They get bored, or they can't take it anymore, or whatever the fuck it is. | ||
| But isn't it weird that when somebody does start drinking, it's never just like a little bit. | ||
| It's never like, oh, I start drinking, I shouldn't be drinking, I have a little buzz. | ||
| It's just like opposite. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's a genetic thing too, man. | ||
| There's something about that alcohol that you either got that thing or you don't. | ||
| I'm sitting here, I've only had water tonight, and I'm looking at your drink, and I've had drinks, but I'm not going, I need a fucking drink, I need a fucking drink. | ||
| Some people, they look at that goddamn drink and they just feel it. | ||
| They smell it. | ||
| They smell that whiskey in the air and just go, fuck it. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| It just starts pulling at you. | ||
| And then you want it. | ||
| And then you just say, fuck it. | ||
| It's just one shot. | ||
| Just one shot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom. | |
| And they throw it down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then... | |
| Off to the races. | ||
| Tate says that's him. | ||
| You could tell anyone that's stopped drinking has started drinking Red Bull or Starbucks all day. | ||
| The strongest coffee. | ||
| In San Francisco, Starbucks has this new nitro coffee. | ||
| It's like having them pour you a pint. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| A lot of companies are making that now. | ||
| It's nitrogenated coffee. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| I only had half of a grande and I was like, oh my god, I feel like I'm on drugs. | ||
| Yeah, we have those caveman ones. | ||
| Caveman coffee, they're small. | ||
| They're tiny. | ||
| And they have 270 milligrams of caffeine. | ||
| Is that a lot? | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| It's way more than a venti Starbucks. | ||
| Tate drinks five, six of those at a time. | ||
| Because he doesn't drink. | ||
| He's also fucking 250 pounds. | ||
| So it's got more room to distribute over his body. | ||
| But yeah, he gets fucking wired on those goddamn things. | ||
| You get super excited. | ||
| God, I love caffeine so much. | ||
| Great! | ||
| Of all the things you can be addicted to, that one's the most productive and the least destructive. | ||
| It doesn't fuck you up to the point where you make shit decisions or get in car accidents or anything. | ||
| I think I've done so much caffeine, I don't feel like I feel it. | ||
| You definitely don't as much. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems so muted with caffeine. | ||
| Well that's why people who use it for performance enhancing purposes, they like to not use caffeine during the day normally and then take caffeine before they work out. | ||
| Like say if they have a wrestling match or something like that, a lot of guys will do that, they'll have no caffeine in their diet and then right before they go and fight or something like that, they'll take a caffeine pill. | ||
| And then they get the full effects of it. | ||
| Because of the fact that you're not... | ||
| Like, how often do we smoke pot? | ||
| If we got anybody that doesn't smoke pot down here with us, and we were hitting the same weed that we're hitting, they would freak out. | ||
| We've seen it. | ||
| You've seen it before. | ||
| We've seen it before. | ||
| I mean, how many times have we gotten somebody high? | ||
| Like, do you get high? | ||
| And they're like, well, I'll try it. | ||
| What the hell? | ||
| Like, okay. | ||
| They take a big hit, and they take a second hit, and like, you're gone! | ||
| It's over! | ||
| I once had a buddy. | ||
| I thought he was dying for a second after smoking Cali weed for the first time. | ||
| He started shaking. | ||
| He looked like he was getting electrocuted for a minute. | ||
| Dude, we've done that to people so many times. | ||
| You want in? | ||
| Come on in. | ||
| But it's just way too strong. | ||
| For us, it's nothing. | ||
| We do it all the time, so it's normal. | ||
| And your body builds up this tolerance. | ||
| But if you don't have that tolerance, you get hit with it. | ||
| Terrence McKinney used to say that's the best way to smoke weed. | ||
| He said the best way to do it is to don't do it at all for a long time and then do as much as you can stand. | ||
| It's like then it becomes very, very psychedelic. | ||
| His thought was that we abuse marijuana. | ||
| He was guilty of it himself, he said. | ||
| It's one of the things he was talking about. | ||
| He's like, before you listen to this, I am a confessed cannabis addict. | ||
| He goes, I smoke cannabis every day, all day, and I smoke it at night. | ||
| But honestly, I think the way to do it is to take a long time off And then smoke your fucking brains out. | ||
| Just take like weeks off. | ||
| Bring your body completely back to baseline and then just... | ||
| I don't know about that. | ||
| I take two days off and it feels like if I smoke it, it's back to baseline. | ||
| It's that fast of a recovery. | ||
| I don't want to take two days off. | ||
| How often do you guys go on stage without it? | ||
| I try to most of the time. | ||
| Do you struggle talking when you go on stage when you're too high? | ||
| I stutter or I lose my train of thought. | ||
| If I'm going to go to that bit now, then I'll forget. | ||
| I'm like, wait, what was I just thinking? | ||
| It's memory for most of me. | ||
| Especially with Pete's weed, I find that if I don't smoke Pete's weed, I actually remember everything I did that night. | ||
| But if I do smoke Pete's weed, I don't remember anything I did that night. | ||
| And I used to always think it was alcohol-based, but I've been trying it, experimenting. | ||
| I smoke the same weed, and I remember everything. | ||
| I smoke a lot of Pete's weed, and it just blocks my memory. | ||
| Men in Black Kush. | ||
| The memory eraser. | ||
| Yeah, well, it definitely has a different effect on everybody, man. | ||
| There's no doubt about that, because you'll hear some people talk about pot, and you're like, what are you experiencing? | ||
| I almost want to be in your body. | ||
| I roasted Snoop Dogg a few weeks ago, maybe like a little over a month ago, and hanging out with him, I've hung out with him a few times, but this time it was after I roasted him. | ||
| And I'd hung out with him the day before because we were talking about the roast, and I was helping him with his thing at the end and everything, you know what I mean? | ||
| So we were smoking then, and then after the roast, and I lit Snoop up at this roast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
On the roast? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I made fun of everyone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So funny. | |
| It was really crazy, like one of the most fun things I've ever done on stage. | ||
| Anyway, afterwards we were kicking it like hard fucking core, right? | ||
| Because I had just like honored the shit out of him basically in front of all of his friends in this big cool theater in LA. So, you know, we were hanging and all this stuff. | ||
| And ever since then, he inspired me to smoke more weed. | ||
| Not by saying anything, but just sort of like watching him operate and just realizing like, wow, this guy... | ||
| Just stays laughing and creative all the time. | ||
| Because it never shuts off for him. | ||
| Every time I've ever been around him, he's always just riffing and always by far the funniest non-comedian I've ever met or worked with. | ||
| By far. | ||
| You ever hang out with Snoop? | ||
| No, never met him. | ||
| You would fucking love him. | ||
| You guys would click. | ||
| You guys, crossing the streams, would be unbelievable. | ||
| Because he gets it, man. | ||
| He's cool as fuck. | ||
| Him and Martha Stewart is the best combination in the world. | ||
| Don't they have a show? | ||
| Yeah, together. | ||
| They have a cooking show together. | ||
| It's the best combo. | ||
| They just have a killer cooking show together. | ||
| And is it on TV? Is it regular? | ||
| It's a regular show? | ||
| You know who does it? | ||
| Who? | ||
| Chris McGuire. | ||
| No shit! | ||
| Really? | ||
| No shit! | ||
| One of the roast jokes that I did on Snoop was that he has a cooking show with Martha and when asked what it's like to work with a 75 year old lady, Martha said, not that bad. | ||
| It's amazing though. | ||
| I've seen the clip of it. | ||
| I just put it up on YouTube a couple days ago. | ||
| I tweeted about it, but ever since watching it, actually having the clip, when it cuts back, every time it cuts back to Snoop laughing, my brain is like, I still can't believe that it happened. | ||
| That's Snoop laughing. | ||
| Right, right, that you actually did roast him. | ||
| It's so fucking weird. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But anyway, I've doubled my pot intake since this episode. | ||
| Snoop thing. | ||
| And I was already a very regular, daily, pretty much once I get the bulk of work done in the afternoon, whether I'm writing or just whatever I have to do... | ||
| Or book or whatever responsibilities I have, it's on. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a fan. | ||
| Yeah, and then I work out a few hours later, and then I do it again. | ||
| I just keep smoking throughout the night after that. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| Good for you. | ||
| It works. | ||
| I approve. | ||
| I approve of this message. | ||
| It works for me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why not, man? | ||
| As long as it works. | ||
| If you decide at one point that it doesn't work anymore and you want to switch it up, sometimes that happens too in your life. | ||
| You get tired of a certain pattern. | ||
| It might be a different kind of workout you're doing or whatever it is, but just changing things a little bit, changing certain aspects of your life, just a little bit of a turn, a little deviation, something new, a little something different. | ||
| This could be huge for your brain. | ||
| You start thinking of things different. | ||
| I emptied my house out recently. | ||
| Just decided to pack everything up. | ||
| I got a storage unit and I put everything in the storage unit. | ||
| It's weird though. | ||
| We were talking at Kill Tony about how people lived in their cars. | ||
| I didn't know that there's a whole thing of homeless people that have storage units and they use the storage unit to bathe in. | ||
| And, like, they just hang out there all day. | ||
| Bathing? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why, there's a shower and a storage unit? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| They'll just come there with, like, wet naps. | ||
| And, like, they were showing me my unit when I got it. | ||
| Me and Jen. | ||
| And she goes, oh, we can't go down this hallway. | ||
| And I'm like, why? | ||
| She goes, just hold your nose. | ||
| We can't go down this hallway. | ||
| And I look ahead, and there was a woman naked, like, washing herself and poop rags everywhere. | ||
| Just rags on the ground with poop on it everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And it smelled like poo. | ||
| And she said that she just lives there during the day. | ||
| And she shits on the ground? | ||
| They let her? | ||
| They can't throw her out. | ||
| There's nothing they can do. | ||
| You can't get her for some sort of a health code violation because she's shitting on the ground? | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And she goes, you would think it's very weird and touchy. | |
| Isn't that funny how much people try to protect people? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If she had a house, you could arrest her for that. | ||
| If she had a house and she just wants to shit in public, I'd like to go to my storage unit and take shits on the floor. | ||
| People would say, you fucking dirty bitch. | ||
| You got to go to jail. | ||
| But because she doesn't have a house, she goes in there and shits on the floor. | ||
| They're like, oh, we can't do anything. | ||
| And it's also the location. | ||
| There's this California culture where we nurture people. | ||
| But if that was in Texas and some storage unit owner walked by, he'd be like, you better pick up and put your poop or eggs away. | ||
| You get up and you get out of here right now. | ||
| I just gotta say that is so much better than your Japanese-Mexican accent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have two days to pack up and get out of the storage unit. | |
| Pack up and get out of here. | ||
| This is Texas. | ||
| Nothing's like San Francisco. | ||
| San Francisco's the worst when it comes to that. | ||
| There's fucking aggressive homeless people everywhere. | ||
| They're all over the place. | ||
| Somebody took a huge shit, a human shit, right in front of the Punchline Comedy Club. | ||
| And it had blood in it. | ||
| That was crazy. | ||
| Oh, Ryan. | ||
| Did you have blood in there or did you think that's funny? | ||
| No, it did because I periscoped two videos of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you save any photos that I can see right now? | |
| Do you have any photos of the shit? | ||
| I want to see the blood. | ||
| Don't you lie to me, son of a bitch. | ||
| It's hard to see in the video, but it made me puke. | ||
| There's a little towel next to it. | ||
| I've never seen more homeless people just wandering around anywhere in any one location than I have in San Francisco. | ||
| It seems like they're just super tolerant up there. | ||
| It's one of the things that makes San Francisco awesome, is that open-mindedness and tolerance, but it also leaves an opening for that. | ||
| We were there on Saturday when they were doing the marches up there. | ||
| Oh, it was good times? | ||
| It was powerful. | ||
| It drained the... | ||
| Well, the Kill Tony show was amazing, but the two stand-up shows I had after that, you could tell by the second show I was asking, like, how many of you went to the march earlier? | ||
| And it was just... | ||
| Like, I mean, crazy. | ||
| Have you ever even heard of an elected leader that's been protested this hard right after they got in office before they've done anything? | ||
| Never! | ||
| The funny thing is there's a bunch of women out there, obviously, that voted for Trump or didn't vote at all. | ||
| That's what a lot of the numbers would say. | ||
| Because they said that most women voted for Trump, right? | ||
| Isn't that a stat? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Okay, okay. | ||
| Most of the women that voted voted for Trump, correct? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| Oh, I thought I heard that somewhere. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, more women voted for Trump than voted for Hillary. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But not most of the women voted for Trump. | ||
| So if, like, there's 103 women, 53 of them voted for Trump, 50 of them voted for Hillary. | ||
| Like, that kind of a deal. | ||
| Gotcha. | ||
| But... | ||
| When you're talking about the numbers that they had, like in LA, Whitney Cummings sent me this picture. | ||
| And I looked at it and I went, what in the fuck? | ||
| Where is that? | ||
| She goes, that's in downtown LA. I'm like, that is insane. | ||
| I'm like, that's insane. | ||
| I go, how many people are there? | ||
| She goes, they expected 80,000 and they got 900,000. | ||
| It was the biggest one. | ||
| LA was the biggest one? | ||
| Even bigger than DC. Yeah, she said they don't really know how many, but she says they think somewhere around, I think, 970,000 people. | ||
| Close to a million. | ||
| Incredible. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And it was interesting how many older ladies and older women did. | ||
| I flew back and the woman next to me was an old lady that sprayed her hair blue. | ||
| And she was like, we were out to protest! | ||
| But it's aggressive with these... | ||
| You think this all came from the grab the pussy stuff? | ||
| Like if he didn't have the grab the pussy stuff, this wouldn't exist, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's because of one clip that they dug up from the early 90s in between a commercial break with him on Inside Edition. | ||
| With some guy talking about who knows the context that was happening before that, by the way. | ||
| And his whole, if you watch him talk, his whole, you know, persona. | ||
| Persona. | ||
| Persona is the Mexican word for it. | ||
| Persona. | ||
| You may know him. | ||
| He's from Jerusalem. | ||
| He's a Mexican pro wrestler. | ||
| It's very, very guy jockey. | ||
| Like, his vibe is very negative for women. | ||
| Well, he's a good old boys club guy. | ||
| It's awful for me, too. | ||
| Why is it awful for you? | ||
| I just don't like hearing him talk. | ||
| I just don't like hearing him talk, man. | ||
| He's just such an ugh to me. | ||
| I don't like him. | ||
| Did you vote? | ||
| I like his kid, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you vote? | |
| No. | ||
| I voted for we, but I didn't vote for Trump. | ||
| You didn't vote for president? | ||
| You got to that and you just left it out? | ||
| No, because I didn't like either. | ||
| I would have had old man McGee. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Did you vote? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gary Johnson did my podcast. | ||
| I voted for him. | ||
| That seems like a throwaway. | ||
| I'd rather not vote. | ||
| Brian, it's never a throwaway. | ||
| If everybody voted for Gary Johnson, he would have won. | ||
| Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen. | ||
| Well, why not? | ||
| But it's never a throwaway. | ||
| It's like you have to vote your mind. | ||
| Otherwise, voting is pointless. | ||
| Regardless of whether or not you think you're throwing your vote away. | ||
| There's so many people that were saying that. | ||
| The reason why... | ||
| No, my state was going to go to Hillary Clinton already, so I already knew that. | ||
| Most people predicted that. | ||
| If I stepped in as a complete objective observer, I had never had anything to do with the system up until that point, and then I walked in, and they were telling me the projected victory was already to Hillary Clinton before it even started, right? | ||
| In this state. | ||
| And they were right. | ||
| And they were right in New York, right? | ||
| So, if I vote for Gary Johnson, it's not throwing shit away. | ||
| It's just voting my conscience. | ||
| And it's not even really my conscience, honestly, because maybe Gary's not the right guy for the job either. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| You didn't know what Aleppo was. | ||
| But... | ||
| But Bernie Sanders isn't in it anymore. | ||
| I'm not a big fan of Hillary. | ||
| I'm not a big fan of Trump. | ||
| I'm not a big fan of being president. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| I don't think anybody should be president. | ||
| I think there's an article that I tweeted recently that someone tweeted to me and I retweeted it about having a council of wise people, like seven or eight people. | ||
| Like Star Wars. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For real. | |
| What's that, Jamie? | ||
| This article on Fortune.com says that 42% of women, most of them white, came out to support him. | ||
| Came out to support Trump? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right, but we weren't talking about that. | ||
| We were talking about the marches against Trump. | ||
| No, I know, but that's on Tony's point, is that 42% of women voted for him. | ||
| So that, you know what I mean? | ||
| How many women then were there that voted for Trump? | ||
| Probably none because there's 20 million people in Los Angeles. | ||
| If you have 20 million people in Los Angeles and you got less than a million, it's highly likely that that less than a million didn't vote for them. | ||
| I think there's a lot of secret Trump supporters that are disguising themselves as these people and telling you they're out there because they have to... | ||
| It's a game to some of these people. | ||
| I can feel it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like a joke. | |
| Do you think that people that are walking around in that rally actually voted for Trump and they're holding up signs, fuck Trump? | ||
| You really think that? | ||
| Yeah, I think that some of them, yeah, I think that they're secret Trump supporters. | ||
| Yeah, absolutely. | ||
| They were marching with signs, the whole deal. | ||
| For what they have to do for whatever their jobs are or whoever their boss is. | ||
| Yeah, sure, Marsha, I'll join you at the march. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, sure, definitely. | ||
| As long as you talk to Tom about that raise or whatever. | ||
| You know, whatever. | ||
| People do things for different reasons. | ||
| Zips it right there. | ||
| But it's crazy. | ||
| At that march, there's five-year-old girls. | ||
| These parents are mad about the possibility of their kids hearing something that Trump said. | ||
| And there's five-year-old girls walking down the street going, Don't touch my pussy! | ||
| Don't touch my pussy! | ||
| Okay, that's not really true. | ||
| Do you really see five-year-olds saying, Don't touch my pussy? | ||
| The march was saying, don't touch my pussy, and there's little kids in it. | ||
| You were saying that five-year-olds are saying that. | ||
| You know that's not true. | ||
| Here's my question. | ||
| Do you think that having these gigantic marches all over the country like they did, don't you think that's probably a good thing? | ||
| Because a guy like Trump, the last thing he wants is all those people hating him. | ||
| The last thing he wants is to realize that there's never been a president ever in the history of this country that has gotten protested so widely, And so hugely, right after getting into office, right? | ||
| That's got to freak him out. | ||
| And that has to affect the way you make decisions. | ||
| It has to. | ||
| Knowing that these people, like, all you, you know, you just got in. | ||
| You haven't done anything. | ||
| All you did was win the election and get in. | ||
| It almost seems interesting because what if that ends up turning him into, you know, what if, I mean, there's a chance where he just turns on these people and starts fulfilling the prophecies, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's possible. | ||
| But then the Republicans that support him that are on the fence, they wouldn't support him anymore. | ||
| He's a populist in a lot of ways. | ||
| It's one of the more interesting things about this. | ||
| He's willing to change his mind on things if the people are vehemently against his decisions. | ||
| I think it's going to be real weird. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who the fuck knows what's going to happen? | ||
| But one of the things that I'm reading that's really fascinating is they're trying to keep him away from television and criticism because he freaks out and then they don't want him to overreact. | ||
| They don't want him to respond to criticism of him because he keeps making these fucking crazy tweets. | ||
| What's this press secretary or somebody that just put out a thing the other day that was talking about the numbers, how many people were at the thing? | ||
| Yeah, you know what? | ||
| I want to... | ||
| He's like a publicist, though. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| He's not even a press secretary. | ||
| This guy's a publicist. | ||
| They have a publicist because of how bad Trump is going to get into. | ||
| The trouble he's going to get into. | ||
| That guy's going to be saving his ass a lot. | ||
| In the future, I feel. | ||
| My friend Jason Hairston, he's the guy who owns this company that makes these jackets. | ||
| It's called Kuyu. | ||
| Yeah, they're like... | ||
| Goddammit, it's a cotton mouth. | ||
| He has one of the best... | ||
| He makes some of the best hunting gear in the world and he has this picture on his Instagram. | ||
| And this is disputing what the press is saying when they were talking about how little the crowd was. | ||
| Look how big the fucking crowd is there. | ||
| This is an actual photo that he took with his actual phone. | ||
| And they were saying that the crowd didn't go out to the press tent. | ||
| Well, fucking it clearly does. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a huge crowd. | ||
| Well, it could also just be the photo, you know. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| It could also just be the photo. | ||
| There could be like a big gap. | ||
| Brian, look at that photo. | ||
| That photo shows a gigantic crowd of people that goes all the way back past where they said the crowd didn't go. | ||
| Yeah, I'm saying that there might be a big gap in just how the photo is that you can't see that there's a gap in the middle. | ||
| That's the whole thing. | ||
| I do, but look at what you're looking at. | ||
| Not in that photo. | ||
| In that photo, you are looking at, look at all those people all the way back there. | ||
| They go all the way past the barricades. | ||
| Look at how many people there are. | ||
| That's not the pictures they showed on television. | ||
| And you can see this, folks. | ||
| Jason Hairston. | ||
| J-A-S-O-N-M-H-A-I-R-S-T-O-N. So this is a photo that he took himself. | ||
| And that's where it gets weird. | ||
| It's like someone who was actually there, who went to the inauguration, and takes a photo. | ||
| And they could have taken that picture any time. | ||
| What is his photo, Jamie? | ||
| This is what PBS put up. | ||
| This is a time lapse from the top of the Washington Monument from the time the day started, like sunrise, until everyone started leaving it. | ||
| Oh, so they have all of it. | ||
| Yeah, they have sky view of it. | ||
| Okay, so his photo, does it represent what this is? | ||
| See how I'm saying there's gaps, though? | ||
| See, there's gaps in between the crowds. | ||
| It's not filled in yet. | ||
| From that angle, it represents a big crowd, but when you look at it from the top, you can see the gaps in the... | ||
| But either way... | ||
| There's a lot of people there, but it wasn't... | ||
| I don't know if it was a million. | ||
| But either way, it's a giant crowd, but it's nowhere near as many that went to see Obama. | ||
| That's been proven by the amount of people that take public transportation, right? | ||
| So this is still not filled in yet. | ||
| Now people are leaving. | ||
| Oh, now they're leaving. | ||
| Yeah, that was it. | ||
| See, if you're standing, if there's a bunch of people missing in the middle, you're not going to be able to tell because the people behind it is going to fill in the gap. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was the fact, though. | |
| That does look pretty goddamn packed. | ||
| It does. | ||
| But maybe that's what you're saying then, because of that... | ||
| Well, I think it really, in your head, it's hard to imagine what Obama's must have looked like. | ||
| Because that does look insane. | ||
| But he wasn't where, when Obama was inaugurated, he wasn't there, taking pictures from the same spot. | ||
| Then we would get a chance to really check it and understand it. | ||
| But... | ||
| I mean, that I would buy more than this. | ||
| Because of what you said about perspective. | ||
| There's still a fuckload of people, man. | ||
| They were making it seem like there wasn't that many people. | ||
| That's a lot of goddamn people. | ||
| It's just not as many as Obama. | ||
| I would like to compare that to when Bush was inaugurated. | ||
| Bush-Edmore. | ||
| Bush-Edmore? | ||
| It was also raining, though. | ||
| It was raining at the Trump inauguration. | ||
| And how many of those people wear hairspray in respect to Mr. Trump? | ||
| I saw a point someone made, too, that at the time in 2009, I guess, when Obama, when the inauguration happened, there were a lot more people out of work. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| And that now there's people that have jobs and they had less. | ||
| That sounds like a White House propaganda welfare baby statement. | ||
| Sincerely, Barack Obama. | ||
| Try to find out how many people were there when Bush was inaugurated and how many people were there when Clinton was inaugurated. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| 2001, the first one, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it was 2000. There's a good Photoshop out there that shows them all. | |
| It shows reptiles. | ||
| It shows that they're all in the shape of a skull. | ||
| Alex Jones, did you hear? | ||
| He was down there, and somebody, some Trump supporter or something like that got in this huge fight. | ||
| With Alex? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Alex Jones, though, was right next to it and had to call the police. | ||
| Oh, I saw someone was saying that Alex Jones had liquor on his breath. | ||
| Probably? | ||
| Yeah, he says he doesn't drink. | ||
| $300,000 or so for 2001 for Bush, $400,000 in 2005, and then $1.8 million for Barack in 2009, and $1 million in 2013. In comparison, Bill Clinton also had 800,093 and 250,097. | ||
| Damn, only 250,097? | ||
| I mean, the rain is going to deeply affect that, though, because it's all local people, right? | ||
| I mean, who's flying there? | ||
| No, a lot of people flew in for that. | ||
| Jason Harrison flew in for that. | ||
| Morgan Murphy. | ||
| She flew in for that. | ||
| She flew in for the march. | ||
| Yeah, but she flew in. | ||
| She marched in the rain. | ||
| That's another thing that goes against that. | ||
| A lot of those women that were marching, they're marching in the rain. | ||
| That's why Jeremiah Watkins and his character, Daisy Watkins. | ||
| I like Daisy. | ||
| I like his character. | ||
| Yeah, that was amazing. | ||
| They all had raincoats on during the roast battle tonight. | ||
| Or, rather, Kill Tony tonight. | ||
| To represent those Hillary supporters that went out in the rain. | ||
| Is it a big deal because of the question of the size or the question over the lying of the size? | ||
| Lying of the size. | ||
| But he wants to say, this guy wants to say, this is the largest crowd of any inauguration ever. | ||
| Clearly that's not true. | ||
| That's fucked up. | ||
| That's clearly not true. | ||
| It seems like a big ass crowd to me, looking at that photo, but I've never looked at a photo of the inauguration before. | ||
| So if you compare it to Obama, it's clearly still a big ass crowd. | ||
| But it's Definitely not the biggest crowd ever. | ||
| So, that's not good. | ||
| When the fucking White House Minister of Propaganda sounds like that guy from Baghdad, remember at the beginning of the war? | ||
| There was some guy that was doing the Baghdad population thing. | ||
| Remember that guy? | ||
| Who the fuck was that guy? | ||
| Who's this moron outside the door? | ||
| They're letting people downstairs. | ||
| They should keep that door shut. | ||
| It's such a bad... | ||
| Who was that guy? | ||
| Remember that guy? | ||
| Joe Baghdad or something like that? | ||
| Remember? | ||
| It was like it was a meme. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| It's like when the war started... | ||
| Get the fuck out of here! | ||
| Jamie, kick these guys out of here. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| They're letting people fuck with us. | ||
| Anyway, there was a character that was Baghdad something. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| You don't remember it? | ||
| Do you remember that? | ||
| And what was he saying? | ||
| He was the minister of propaganda for Iraq before we invaded. | ||
| And he was always saying, like, you know, the Iraqi troops are destroying the American troops. | ||
| Baghdad Bob. | ||
| No. | ||
| Baghdad Bob? | ||
| Baghdad Bob. | ||
| Baghdad Bob and his ridiculous true predictions? | ||
| This guy? | ||
| Yes, that's the guy. | ||
| Baghdad Bob? | ||
| Yeah, he had a beret on and looked like Saddam Hussein. | ||
| Before Saddam Hussein went into hiding, remember they went into hiding and they found him in a hole? | ||
| Remember they pulled him out of a hole and then hung him on TV? We watched him. | ||
| Everyone could see him get hung. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| You saw it on the internet? | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| Fucking crazy! | ||
| But this Baghdad Bob, that's it. | ||
| It is Baghdad Bob. | ||
| Did you watch that Saddam series on HBO? No, but what I'm saying is this Baghdad Bob guy, this is essentially what the Trump guy is doing. | ||
| He's saying shit that everybody knows is not true. | ||
| He's exaggerating in a way that everybody knows is not true. | ||
| And this is just the beginning of the administration. | ||
| His quote is, my information was correct, but my interpretations were not. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| Whatever that means. | ||
| Who was saying that? | ||
| That's what that Baghdad Bob guy's quote is. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But this White House guy should be fired, right? | ||
| That should be like a blatant firing. | ||
| You can't start off a relationship with the American people with a big fat juicy lie like that. | ||
| Fired. | ||
| What about his speeches too? | ||
| There's a picture of him handwriting his speeches and then he blatantly ripped off the Bane speech and the Avatar speech too. | ||
| He didn't rip off the Bane speech. | ||
| Pretty close. | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
| We're going to give it back to the people? | ||
| That's typical political speak. | ||
| We're going to give it back to the people. | ||
| So deep. | ||
| That's a typical, give it back to you, to the people. | ||
| When people turn it into the Bane thing, I'm like, I hope everybody's kidding about it being stolen. | ||
| Not that it's plagiarized, but that it's the same thing. | ||
| The problem with it being the same thing is, it's what Bane said before he fucking went to destroy the city. | ||
| Like, you shouldn't say that shit when everybody knows that's what Bane said. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| There's supposed to be a guy michekin for Bane speak? | ||
| No, but imagine if you were going to say something. | ||
| I think it's sort of cool to have a president that said something that Bane said. | ||
| Ah, you're ridiculous. | ||
| Give it back to you. | ||
| Give it back to the people. | ||
| That's just that one part of it. | ||
| It was like a whole two or three sentences, not just that phrase. | ||
| Oh, there was more? | ||
| There is no way that guy has enough time to write his fucking speech. | ||
| I agree, but he took a picture and said he was. | ||
| Of course! | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Why not? | ||
| I mean, you should've had a quill. | ||
| You should've had a goddamn feather in an ink bottle. | ||
| Clearly Trump likes to write his speeches while watching Batman. | ||
| Maybe he was just writing notes on his speeches with a pen. | ||
| So it wasn't a lie, sort of, kind of. | ||
| Cut to his next speech. | ||
| Dear White House Press, why so serious? | ||
| Why so serious? | ||
| Yeah, we got a problem. | ||
| President Trump, were you watching Batman with Heath Ledger last night? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's gonna be real weird, man. | ||
| It's gonna be real weird if that's how it keeps up. | ||
| Maybe there'll be an adjustment. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Can you imagine how cool it would be if it was revealed that he did have a breathing problem all of a sudden and had to wear some fucking mask? | ||
| How awesome! | ||
| Snopes says the Avatar part is not true. | ||
| That wasn't said in Avatar. | ||
| Well, we already discussed who Snopes is. | ||
| Who's running that? | ||
| A guy that married a call girl. | ||
| Understand that. | ||
| I still think it's pretty good. | ||
| What is pretty good? | ||
| Snopes? | ||
| Overall. | ||
| Okay, but you have to, listen, you get this one guy behind this thing. | ||
| He's obviously a guy and his wife, and they got divorced, and now he's a guy and a former escort, and they still run it, and they have a very clear left-wing bias. | ||
| They've been a part of anti-Bush rallies in the past. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| It's good to have something like that. | ||
| I'm not totally dismissing it, but these are just people. | ||
| This isn't objective academics who have combed the land and looked for the correct answer all the time. | ||
| Their stuff is widely criticized. | ||
| I don't always agree with the criticism, but it's not like they're the end-all be-all when it comes to truth is what's real on the internet. | ||
| No, no, but it's definitely really good for like, say like, hey, hey, they say these tacos are making out of horses, and then they go, here's an article, here's an article. | ||
| You're like, oh, thanks, Snopes. | ||
| That's why I like it. | ||
| There was some shit that was going on leading up to the election that was pretty criticized. | ||
| See if you can find criticisms of Snopes. | ||
| See if you can find anything that's any good. | ||
| I found a great thing that a university put together of how biased each thing is and which direction everything leans. | ||
| Like, they went really deep into it, and they made... | ||
| A really cool graph. | ||
| Then that middle part is mainstream, and the higher up it is, the more actual and factual everything is. | ||
| And the lower it is, the more it's just like fake news, like crap jargon. | ||
| And the farther left, it means it leans liberal, like there's crazy stuff over there, and then the far right leans conservative. | ||
| And it has everything listed. | ||
| What's really fucked up is we don't have... | ||
| CNN is hot dog shit, if you're wondering. | ||
| Like the fakest, terrible news. | ||
| But it says that it's better than not reading the news at all. | ||
| What is the source of this? | ||
| Oh, it's Fox News. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| It's not. | ||
| This was a study done by, I can't remember the college. | ||
| It says 1.3 million views. | ||
| I like PBS and Reuters. | ||
| It's on Imgur. | ||
| The name of the person that posted it is Wild Yucatan Man. | ||
| Y-U-C-A-T-A-N. M-A-N. But it has 1.3 million views. | ||
| Some school, I can't remember the exact school, I found this off Reddit and then just snagged a screenshot a picture of it because I found it so amazing. | ||
| And it shows you everything. | ||
| Basically, BBC and NPR is right in the up middle. | ||
| It's above the Washington Post, above New York Times, above NBC and ABC. USA Today and CNN way down at the bottom. | ||
| And it says that The Economist, The Guardian, The Atlantic, and The Wall Street Journal are basically the best minimal partisan bias, mainstream, but still reputable. | ||
| What they say about The Wall Street Journal is because it deals with the financial markets and because you can't have just a clear editorial bias that leans one way or the other that's going to affect business. | ||
| They're not going to tolerate that shit. | ||
| They want to know what the fuck is really going on, clean and clear, without all your hippie logic thrown into it. | ||
| What do you think about RT? RT, Russia Today? | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| It's owned by Russia. | ||
| At the end of the day, you realize that they've got some sort of an influence over them. | ||
| I don't know how much of an influence, but I had Lee Camp on my podcast, and I was asking him whether or not Putin uses fillers. | ||
| That dude fucking clamped up. | ||
| He didn't want to say a word. | ||
| Fillers? | ||
| Fillers, like on his face. | ||
| I'm like, his face is looking, looks like someone's doing something to his face, like Botox or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he just clamped up. | |
| Whereas, I've had Abby Martin on a show before, and she used to work for Russia Today, and she just decided not to do it anymore. | ||
| She's doing her own thing now. | ||
| And when she was doing it, she was reporting on the situation in Ukraine, and they wanted to ship her to Ukraine. | ||
| They're like, hey, why don't you go check it out? | ||
| We're going to send her there, and she's going to go there on the ground. | ||
| She's like, the fuck I am? | ||
| She's like, I'm not going to Russia. | ||
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | ||
| And that's when she realized, like, oh, I've got to get out of this business. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| They tried to shiver to Russia! | ||
| Because she was criticizing them. | ||
| Yeah, Russia Today, it's interesting. | ||
| But it's probably a better news source than what you're getting from the American propaganda networks. | ||
| Dude, it's bad. | ||
| I watched post-debate I watched CNN and Fox News and I went back and forth for a couple of hours. | ||
| I decided this is going to be like my project for the night. | ||
| I'm going to see what the left is saying and then I'm going to see what the right is saying. | ||
| It was crazy. | ||
| It was like two alternate realities. | ||
| Two completely different worlds and it was so biased on both sides. | ||
| They're so biased. | ||
| There's no one who's saying anything that might make the other side look good or might soften someone's point of view. | ||
| Hillary Clinton is a thief and a liar and she's profiting and the Clinton Foundation is a problem and she needs to go to jail and anybody else would be in jail and taxes and this and that and fucking real estate scandals. | ||
| And then you go to the other side and it's all sexual assault. | ||
| Donald Trump, sexual assault, accused of sexual assault. | ||
| A woman accuses him of sexual assault. | ||
| This video, the grab the pussy video, it was all concentrating on that. | ||
| And that's another crazy thing about this study is that comparatively, according to this huge crazy study that they did, Fox News, while completely leaning right, but still reputable. | ||
| CNN is not. | ||
| CNN is just not reputable. | ||
| At all. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Bottom of everything. | ||
| But they say better than not reading news at all, but... | ||
| Take a screenshot of that and send that to me. | ||
| And send me with the guy's name on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm going to put it on my Instagram and give that guy props to try and find out what that is. | |
| NBC's in the middle with the Washington Post. | ||
| Well, Brian Williams made sure of that. | ||
| In fact, he went to battle for it. | ||
| Well, MSNBC, yeah, is the one that they're saying is the Fox News of the left, basically, but still sort of... | ||
| But they're much more, according to this, much more reputable than CNN. That's Rachel Maddow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She gets a little bit crazy too. | ||
| She got a big ol' lesbian running that show. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| I love the fact that you could have a clear and obvious short-haired lesbian woman with an Ivy League education being like your mouthpiece. | ||
| She's the main dude over there. | ||
| It is. | ||
| And then you have that Keith Oberman guy who's gone bananas. | ||
| He's just insane. | ||
| And another thing! | ||
| He's all about, like, we've had a coup. | ||
| We've been taken over by Russia. | ||
| Russia has taken over the United States. | ||
| It's been a bloodless coup. | ||
| And he does that show, The Resistance. | ||
| He's going super hard left. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's some loopy stuff. | ||
| I got stuck watching him for nine minutes the other day, just ranting. | ||
| He seems like he's in one of those cable access studios. | ||
| And he has to keep going. | ||
| He doesn't go to commercial. | ||
| And another thing. | ||
| Well, that's what he's always done. | ||
| He's always been a great ranter. | ||
| He was one of the original ESPN SportsCenter guys and he was a fucking beast, man. | ||
| Yeah, what happened? | ||
| Why did they take him off ESPN? I don't know. | ||
| Because that's where everybody loved him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then he went from there and started doing political news. | ||
| He was so good. | ||
| It's almost like once you start doing... | ||
| OG Keith Olbermann, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He got in trouble. | ||
| What'd he do? | ||
| He said some shit that he shouldn't have said. | ||
| He kept going against the, like, I think it was mostly against, like, Disney or the man because Disney owns ESPN. The fucking man. | ||
| And he got, like, him and Dan Patrick there. | ||
| I think they were both banned from ESPN, like, facilities. | ||
| They're not allowed to talk to anybody for, like, 10 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| And Dan Patrick recently, I think, got back in good graces a little bit. | ||
| Or maybe it was Olbermann did and Dan Patrick is still completely, like, you're not, don't talk to Dan Patrick is what they kind of, to, like, It's like a big no-no. | ||
| I forget exactly what happened. | ||
| What did they get in trouble about? | ||
| I'll look it up so I can tell you real quick. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I didn't follow him. | ||
| I don't follow sports, so I didn't know. | ||
| I didn't know that he was this big sports guy, but I'd heard people talk about him and they really liked him. | ||
| And then I remember he went over and started doing political stuff, and then there was a lot of controversy. | ||
| And I feel like some of the controversy was like, if you start out doing sports, you got to stick with sports, motherfucker. | ||
| People don't like you starting out with sports, and then all of a sudden you're talking about politics? | ||
| You're like, what? | ||
| What are you running a political show? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| Baseball! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What about Willie Mays? | |
| Babe Ruth, come on, Keith! | ||
| Baseball! | ||
| That's what everybody recognizes as. | ||
| You get your respect for that and we're supposed to listen to your opinion on ranting political stuff? | ||
| But sports and politics go hand-to-hand of two things I can't stand, for the most part. | ||
| But you care about this Trump thing. | ||
| I do just because I have to hear about it nonstop every single day. | ||
| Internet, TV, people, all are talking about Trump. | ||
| It's like a nightmare that won't stop. | ||
| I don't give a shit about politics, but I have to talk about Trump and hear about Trump But you do give a shit about Trump, though. | ||
| It's not just that you hear about him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You were just saying that you don't like the way he speaks. | |
| It's embarrassing, but I wish I could just stop hearing about it now. | ||
| It's nothing else. | ||
| I think people are tired of people complaining about it, which is fascinating to me. | ||
| It's like, what do you want them to do? | ||
| I'm just tired of people fucking complaining about it. | ||
| Goddamn, man. | ||
| Suck it up. | ||
| He won. | ||
| Suck it up. | ||
| He's our president. | ||
| Okay, do you really expect that people are just going to stop complaining? | ||
| Because that's ridiculous. | ||
| People always complain. | ||
| People complain no matter who the fuck wins. | ||
| If Hillary Clinton had won right now, people would be going crazy on Fox News. | ||
| They would be screaming for her head. | ||
| We can only hope that someone... | ||
| Someone has the courage to prosecute this criminal for deleting those emails. | ||
| And they would just go crazy about it. | ||
| But the difference is Republicans would not have walked in the street. | ||
| Unless she had a grab him by the dick video that they pulled out of nowhere. | ||
| And even then, people would think it was funny. | ||
| Women would be out there, grab his dick! | ||
| Grab his dick! | ||
| And let's throw this out there. | ||
| Yeah, okay. | ||
| So, first of all, the whole Trump thing, grab him by the pussy, he's talking about if you have a ton of money, to some guy... | ||
| He's talking about being famous. | ||
| Very specifically. | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| He's like, you're famous, you're a celebrity, you can just grab him by the pussy. | ||
| They let you. | ||
| But he was saying they let you. | ||
| He was talking about crazy groupies. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| People are like, oh, that's unfit to be a president. | ||
| But what? | ||
| Our last great president... | ||
| Got his dick sucked in the Oval Office by an intern. | ||
| Then he lied about it to everybody, including everyone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I did not have sexual relations. | |
| The economy was bumping. | ||
| Gas prices were 72 cents and nobody gave a fuck. | ||
| But now all of a sudden it's like, wait, this guy is demonizing women. | ||
| It's like, oh, okay. | ||
| Well, he just got caught. | ||
| And it's one of the things that he said. | ||
| He's like, I heard Bill Clinton say, well, worse things. | ||
| Yeah, Bill Clinton got stuck. | ||
| On the golf course. | ||
| Bill Clinton got his dick sucked while being the president. | ||
| We're talking about a recording on a commercial break of what? | ||
| Inside Edition, 92. I mean, the comparisons are insane, but Bill Clinton's a saint, and he was a freakishly great president. | ||
| There's a difference between hearing someone say something and knowing they did something. | ||
| To people, there's a difference. | ||
| Like, knowing someone did something is like, wow, I don't see it. | ||
| I hear it, but I know he did it. | ||
| So if the audio of Bill Clinton getting his dick sucked came out... | ||
| Oh yeah, I was like, come on. | ||
| You want that intern money? | ||
| Let me shoot on your dress. | ||
| Jamie, what were you going to say? | ||
| It was Olbermann that was actually banned from ESPN's main campus. | ||
| That's why when he came back, he was doing a show from New York in Times Square from an ABC sub-studio. | ||
| He just had lots of run-ins starting in 1997. He went on The Daily Show when it was still hosted by Craig Kilborn, who was a former ESPN co-anchor with them. | ||
| That was his first problem. | ||
| He called ESPN's main campus a godforsaken place. | ||
| He got into an argument with them. | ||
| You get in trouble for saying that? | ||
| There's just lots of different things that happened over a 10-year period, and then he came back. | ||
| Like I said, he had a little stint with them. | ||
| He got in trouble again for saying shit against Penn State supporters. | ||
| They suspended him for a little bit for that. | ||
| Against Penn State supporters after the Sandusky trial? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What was so upsetting about that? | ||
| Weirdly, also, that stuff has kind of all been forgotten now. | ||
| All of their punishments have just kind of all disappeared. | ||
| They're not punished anymore. | ||
| They're back in the top of the college football rankings and everything. | ||
| For Penn State? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Dude, people are coming down here again. | ||
| We've got to get one of the comedy store people to block the door. | ||
| They found out they can get down here. | ||
| Well, they just leave the door open and then there's a stairway where people could just fall. | ||
| Well, there's supposed to be a security guy up there. | ||
| They're not supposed to let them down there. | ||
| They should just shut the door. | ||
| Well, people found out we're down here now. | ||
| That's the problem. | ||
| Because I opened my big fucking mouth. | ||
| Because we're talking about it. | ||
| You called it the underground at the comedy store. | ||
| Yeah, but there's people that work here that are supposed to be stopping the people from down here and they haven't been doing it. | ||
| This is the loosest... | ||
| The people that work here, they're all comics. | ||
| They're all fuck-offs. | ||
| Everybody half-asses everything when it comes to letting people in to anything. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| But it's half of the fun of this place. | ||
| We're going to have to have someone watch The Door from now on. | ||
| These fucks. | ||
| Take two. | ||
| That was okay. | ||
| That was the producer guy, Ari. | ||
| No, it wasn't. | ||
| He said it was him. | ||
| I saw another dude too. | ||
| I told him to try to get someone to watch the show. | ||
| Either way... | ||
| We should do these live instead of making it like this down in here. | ||
| Maybe we should just move this shit to the belly room. | ||
| I love live podcasting more than anything. | ||
| Well, the belly room is such a great spot for it, too. | ||
| And we've already done a bunch of Kill Tonys up there. | ||
| I feel like maybe there's a problem with people knowing that we're doing it down here. | ||
| People knew after Killed Tony, they were like, were you guys doing that show? | ||
| I was like, you can't watch it, so go home. | ||
| They just need to get a new lock or something for that door up there. | ||
| Well, they just need to have someone that actually stays where they're supposed to stay and not let people down. | ||
| And also, that's a crazy staircase. | ||
| There's all sorts of equipment down here. | ||
| This is totally behind the scenes. | ||
| All that equipment that the comedy store owns, it's all out there, sitting out there. | ||
| You can't just be Yeah. | ||
| Wandering around with that bitch. | ||
| But people are weird, man. | ||
| They want to be behind the scenes. | ||
| They want to get to that back bar. | ||
| They want to go behind the bar. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| People always want to go to that one place where you're not supposed to go. | ||
| And that's what's crazy. | ||
| When I got here, I was mister. | ||
| You had to invite me. | ||
| I've always treated this building with a ridiculous amount of respect. | ||
| I never wanted... | ||
| What, you want a cookie? | ||
| No, I'm talking about that there's a statement there that is a thing in which, and I've seen it, those people that push themselves into that back alley that are always trying to smoke pot with everybody, they're never the ones that end up fucking doing anything. | ||
| They're always the ones in which it's like, I found out I'm having to move back home. | ||
| My mom's sick, so I got to go take... | ||
| Oh, that is the worst when someone chimes in on a conversation and just all of a sudden starts talking about themselves. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| You get a lot of that back there. | ||
| It's the worst, and they're losers. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| But my point is, the people that go where they're invited and with people that they're friends with, it's different. | ||
| There's just a different life thing. | ||
| No, it definitely is. | ||
| People want to race to the green room and the back to smoke because they think there's a shortcut waiting for them there and there's not. | ||
| You still have to... | ||
| You mean a shortcut to make it as a comic? | ||
| Yeah, but I think this analogy applies probably for any job. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's not just about the hang. | ||
| It's about the combination of the two. | ||
| You've always had this disdain for people who network. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because I think there's a way to do it, and I think it happens organically and naturally, and people that overdo it, it's just gross. | ||
| The people that overdo it are almost always not that funny. | ||
| Yeah, and I do it a lot, but I do it my own way, you know what I mean? | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| I'm not like a networker, but I hang out and I do three podcasts a week and fucking stand up all the time. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| There's one thing that's like you're not consciously trying to network. | ||
| You're working with your peers and your friends. | ||
| Yeah, there's that networking. | ||
| I think there's a natural amount of networking that happens. | ||
| Do you watch House of Cards? | ||
| It's my favorite thing. | ||
| I'm the one that... | ||
| Do you watch it now? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You did not tell me about it. | ||
| A lot of people told me about it. | ||
| Don't try to claim you told me about it. | ||
| No, I'm sure a lot of people did because it's one of only four great shows. | ||
| Let's not make it about you. | ||
| Let's go back to the show. | ||
| It's a fucking hilarious show when you realize this is probably how it really works. | ||
| And that networking, that kind of shit, that kind of networking is what we're scared of in comedy. | ||
| That's how the entire business runs. | ||
| That's how the White House runs. | ||
| That's how politics runs. | ||
| That's why you're scared of it. | ||
| Because you're scared of that kind of shit getting into here where it's all about favors and bullshit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, this place has a loophole for not having that crap. | ||
| It used to be, dude. | ||
| It used to be that's how you got gigs. | ||
| There was a big problem in Hollywood for a long time. | ||
| That's how people got on shows. | ||
| That's how they were writers. | ||
| There was a lot of fucking really bad writers back in the day that were on sitcoms. | ||
| You would think, hey man, you get to be a writer on Friends or Seinfeld or something like that. | ||
| You've got to be a really funny person. | ||
| By the way, that's totally still a thing in writers' rooms. | ||
| Tell me about that. | ||
| I mean, there's a guy or two that I've worked with in the small roast writers world that I've worked in that are literally pulling a huge favor, man. | ||
| Maybe the people feel bad for this guy, you know what I mean, or whatever, but he's lazy and doesn't do much. | ||
| Sort of just gets to phone it in while everybody else is writing the actual thing. | ||
| Probably gets nothing in. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's a part of that entire crazy world. | ||
| There's always a favor. | ||
| Always. | ||
| They have these teams. | ||
| A lot of times comedy teams are one really funny guy and the other guy who writes the funny shit down. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| The funny guy wanders around the office, scratches his beard, and the other guy's writing shit down. | ||
| Even if you watch Six Days to Air, it's so fucking Matt and Trey, period. | ||
| While those other people are writers, but barely tagging anything. | ||
| You totally see the vision just puking. | ||
| He's just puking it out of his head, laughing. | ||
| They're both laughing and adding to each other's thing. | ||
| Then there's these other people that... | ||
| Yeah, but you need them, too. | ||
| In that environment, I think, you need the occasional dusting and sprinkling. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| But that's a different situation, because you've got a super genius. | ||
| That Trey Parker dude's a super genius. | ||
| That's one thing, but those sitcoms, When you're working on a sitcom, that's when it becomes really apparent. | ||
| And it's also, one of the weird things about comedy writers is some comedy writers are stand-up comics, but most of them are not. | ||
| So where are they practicing all this comedy? | ||
| You don't perform it, but you know it's funny. | ||
| You sure? | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Are you sure something's funny? | ||
| Because I write a lot of things down that I think is going to be funny, and they're not really funny. | ||
| How do you practice You don't. | ||
| You get taken by people like me that get added to the writer's room and you get fucking housed and it makes these people have to... | ||
| What do you mean you get taken? | ||
| I come in, and all of a sudden, I'm writing the jokes that are making it to the actual episode, for example. | ||
| There's got to be some funny people you're working with, too. | ||
| Totally! | ||
| Totally! | ||
| But those people, normally, by the way, are stand-up comedians as well. | ||
| There's a few gurus. | ||
| Occasionally, people have ideas that are not performers. | ||
| They just write, and they just are comedy writers, and you just go, what is going on with this? | ||
| Yeah, some people work continuously. | ||
| Some people are beasts. | ||
| It's a very interesting business. | ||
| But there's a couple people that get by on. | ||
| I don't know how. | ||
| It shocks me sometimes when I see a certain couple people in another writer's room making writer's guilt. | ||
| Writing alone is a fascinating enterprise. | ||
| Making things up. | ||
| Sitting down in front of a computer and making up scenarios. | ||
| Making up people. | ||
| Making up stories. | ||
| Making up plots. | ||
| Making up twists in the plots and characters and It's a fucking crazy way to make a living. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| You lose your mind to formulate a world. | ||
| It's continuously asking yourself questions. | ||
| You're writing a trivia game and answering it at the same time. | ||
| Who's the character? | ||
| What would he do? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| What would he smell like? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What would he say? | ||
| That's why comedy teams totally make sense. | ||
| But I've met the comedy guy from the comedy team after they broke up. | ||
| Like the one that got tired of the guy who's not funny and said, what the fuck am I doing with this guy? | ||
| He got tired of just reading things to the guy and the other guy writes it down. | ||
| I've met that guy too. | ||
| Those guys are brutal. | ||
| And you'll go, oh, you were a part of a team, huh? | ||
| I met two guys like that. | ||
| Joe and Joey or whatever that... | ||
| What? | ||
| That want those two Italian... | ||
| No, no, not comedians. | ||
| I'm not talking about stand-ups. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Joe and Joey. | |
| No. | ||
| Now that's Italian. | ||
| No, I'm talking about writers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've met a bunch of those guys. | ||
| I had a development deal a long time ago with this guy. | ||
| He used to be a writer on Friends. | ||
| And this dude had bowling shoes on. | ||
| And he was a part of a comedy team, and the team broke up. | ||
| And I met with the guy, and I was like, he's wearing bowling shoes. | ||
| Like, you know, trying to be, like, wacky. | ||
| I'm like, why is he wearing bowling shoes? | ||
| Those aren't comfortable. | ||
| Like, nobody wants to wear bowling shoes. | ||
| Like, he was wearing bowling shoes because, like, bowling shoes is like, he's so wacky, he wears bowling shoes around the office. | ||
| And I was telling my manager, I was like, he's wearing fucking bowling shoes, I don't like it. | ||
| And he's like, are you serious? | ||
| I go, yeah, why is he wearing bowling shoes? | ||
| We had this conversation, he's like, why do you care? | ||
| I go, I care, because it's like, why would you, you're doing that, because you want to be wack. | ||
| Would you have an exploding tie? | ||
| He's going to be like, check out my carnation! | ||
| And it squirts you. | ||
| What does this guy, what does he think is actually funny? | ||
| He gave us the script, and it was the worst piece of shit I've ever read. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| It was so bad. | ||
| It was stunning. | ||
| It was so bad that the network who recommended him, and they gave him a gigantic development deal after he left this sitcom. | ||
| He might have left friends and went to another one. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| But they gave this guy a gigantic network deal, like a huge development deal. | ||
| And this was the first thing that he delivered off this huge deal. | ||
| And everybody was like, oh, no. | ||
| And that's when the concept of the comedy team became apparent to me. | ||
| I went, oh, there's two of them. | ||
| And the funny one left this guy behind. | ||
| And he's like, fuck this guy. | ||
| And they're like, no, no, he's very funny too. | ||
| And most importantly, he understands story structure. | ||
| I go, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He's not funny. | ||
| I go, this is definitely not funny. | ||
| Well, you know, this is a first draft, and you have to realize, nope, this is a terrible concept. | ||
| Like, the concept was awful. | ||
| It was about a guy who time travels, or he's immortal, and he was, yeah, that's what it was. | ||
| He's immortal, and all he does is, like, get laid. | ||
| Like, what? | ||
| It's been around since ancient Egypt. | ||
| He's like cursed in ancient Egypt so he can never die. | ||
| And he just gets laid. | ||
| And the whole network, they're like looking at each other like, what in the fuck? | ||
| And I go, yeah, well, it's not me, so good luck with all that. | ||
| I'm fucking... | ||
| I abandoned ship. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| There's things like that that get pitched every day. | ||
| There's some guy who comes into an office and I've had some fucking terrible ideas myself. | ||
| I've had some terrible ideas that I thought were good. | ||
| You write them out and you're like, this is it. | ||
| And then you put it down for a couple weeks and come back to it and you're like, what the fuck was I thinking? | ||
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| I mean, what percentage of ideas that you start out with that you bring to the stage eventually wind up making it onto a special or making it into your act permanently? | ||
| Is it even half? | ||
| Probably about half, yeah. | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Because I really don't try it unless I really, really think it's funny. | ||
| And think that it fits with my tone and everything. | ||
| You have the possibility of working those things out. | ||
| You know, hammering them out on stage. | ||
| To really knock it out of the park with a comedy script. | ||
| That's one of the things that makes South Park so particularly special. | ||
| They're not even practicing it and turning it into its best form. | ||
| They're kind of coming at you with the initial idea. | ||
| They've honed it, they've cut it down, they've edited it, they've gone over it, they've made it funnier, I'm sure. | ||
| But they don't get to do it for six months in front of various crowds and watch it come to life. | ||
| You know, if you think about guys like Stephen King, all the shit that guy's made up, just sits around and makes things up. | ||
| Did you see his new show? | ||
| The 1129, about JFK assassination and time travel? | ||
| No, I haven't even heard of it. | ||
| What's it on? | ||
| Great. | ||
| It's on Netflix. | ||
| It is? | ||
| I think. | ||
| Hulu. | ||
| James Franco's like the star of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, what's it called again? | ||
| 1129? | ||
| 112363, I think. | ||
| Oh, so it's the day he got shot. | ||
| Oh, it's really good? | ||
| It's like a six-part show. | ||
| Yeah, it's fun. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It does time travel. | ||
| Franco's great in it. | ||
| Dude, you want to stop and think about all the fucking amazing entertainment Stephen King has put out over the years. | ||
| That guy's insane. | ||
| I mean, Carrie. | ||
| It. | ||
| Salem's Lot. | ||
| Christine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, you can go on and on and on and on and on. | |
| Pet Sematary. | ||
| Maximum Overdrive. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that guy has made some shit, man. | ||
| Misery. | ||
| James Caan and Helen, what was her name? | ||
| Kathy Bates. | ||
| Kathy Bates. | ||
| I was thinking of Helen Hunt. | ||
| Because you put her in my head earlier. | ||
| Son of a bitch. | ||
| Picking up those twister balls. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| That one guy is responsible for so much iconic entertainment. | ||
| Silver Bullet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember the kid in the wheelchair and the werewolf? | |
| Things are getting remade already, too. | ||
| It's being remade right now. | ||
| It's coming out this year. | ||
| Who's remaking It? | ||
| I mean, he's part of It. | ||
| You've got to talk right into the microphone. | ||
| These mics suck. | ||
| Bill Skarsgård. | ||
| No, I don't recognize anyone that's in it. | ||
| Bill Skarsgård is Pennywise. | ||
| Skarsgård? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Why does that look like that guy? | ||
| Who's putting the show together? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is it a movie? | ||
| Yeah, they're making a movie, yeah. | ||
| But that's a book that's so long. | ||
| I've read that book. | ||
| It's a long book. | ||
| It? | ||
| Yeah, that's why when they had it on television, didn't they have it on multiple part miniseries? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it was that comic. | ||
| Who the fuck was that guy? | ||
| The guy from Clue. | ||
| Tim. | ||
| No, wasn't it the guy from Rocky Horror Picture Show? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Tim Curry. | ||
| Tim Curry. | ||
| He was the clown, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wasn't he? | |
| Yep. | ||
| And do you know Tim Curry is in a wheelchair now and can barely talk? | ||
| He's like a vegetable almost. | ||
| What happened? | ||
| I think he had a stroke. | ||
| Yeah, he had a really bad stroke. | ||
| No one really talks about that either. | ||
| You don't really know that. | ||
| I saw him in an interview and I was like, what the fuck happened to Tim Curry? | ||
| Oh, that's a bummer. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| You know Richard Dawkins had a stroke too? | ||
| The scientist? | ||
| The selfish meme? | ||
| You don't know who that guy is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| He's a pretty famous atheist and scientist and author. | ||
| And he had a stroke, but he recovered. | ||
| And it didn't affect his cognitive function, but it did affect the way his hands moved. | ||
| He can't play the piano. | ||
| And it also affected, he can't, I think he can't sing. | ||
| Anymore. | ||
| He can't pull it off. | ||
| He's diminished. | ||
| But he still speaks, which is really interesting. | ||
| The part of his brain that was affected by the stroke, it didn't fuck him up to the point where he can't sing anymore. | ||
| Or he can't talk anymore. | ||
| He talks just as well as he always did. | ||
| Makes really lucid points. | ||
| Still very smart. | ||
| It's nuts how it's probably like a microscopic fraction of a difference, like a stroke, what it hits and what it doesn't hit, you know what I mean? | ||
| Well, it could hit any portion of your brain, but the portion that it hit on his brain just affect motor skills, apparently, fortunately for him. | ||
| But fuck, man, what a weird feeling to know that your body's just kind of like short-circuiting like that. | ||
| You blew a fuse, you know? | ||
| I blew a circuit the other day where you plug something in and it doesn't work. | ||
| You're like, what the fuck? | ||
| Then you go out to the circuit board. | ||
| Oh, look at that, this fucking flipper. | ||
| Flip that sucker over and then it starts working again. | ||
| And you've got to think, man. | ||
| That's kind of like your brain's almost like a biological circuit board. | ||
| There's a bunch of electricity going through there, a bunch of neurons firing, all these cells in there. | ||
| And every now and then one of them goes... | ||
| And that can happen to you. | ||
| Is Tim Conway still alive? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| His son was a really good radio host. | ||
| Yeah, he still is, right? | ||
| Conway and Steckler. | ||
| He's 83. Tim Conway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| A lot of them kicking. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| Yeah, Conway and Steckler. | ||
| They used to have a really good radio show on that FM talk station. | ||
| I think he's still doing something. | ||
| I heard him the other day on something. | ||
| Tim Conway Jr. You'd never hear about him. | ||
| He would have a great podcast, that guy. | ||
| Maybe he does. | ||
| He does? | ||
| Yeah, I typed in his name and it pops up. | ||
| The Tim Conway. | ||
| I think it's that show. | ||
| Tim Conway Jr. On Demand, it says. | ||
| I think it's just called his name. | ||
| Well, there you go. | ||
| I did his show at Gang of Times way back in the day. | ||
| Back when talk radio was crazy, they had a whole network A whole radio station devoted to talk radio in LA. It was crazy. | ||
| I remember listening to it. | ||
| They went all talk. | ||
| When I was on news radio, I'd be driving to work. | ||
| I'm like, this is great. | ||
| They just talk. | ||
| They would just have funny shit. | ||
| Occasionally, they'd have a whack host. | ||
| They'd let a few whack ones in there. | ||
| It was AM radio? | ||
| No, FM. FM talk. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's on the air here, KFI AM 640 from 6 to 10 weekdays. | ||
| Oh, he does the morning show. | ||
| They put that on at night, 6 to 10 p.m. | ||
| Oh, 6 to 10 p.m. | ||
| And they take that and put it as a podcast. | ||
| He had a nighttime show back then, too. | ||
| What happened to that Steckler, guys? | ||
| He's still around? | ||
| The Apple Dumpling Gang. | ||
| The Apple Dumpling Gang. | ||
| I didn't even know about that. | ||
| You always bring that up. | ||
| I don't know what that reference is. | ||
| What is that reference to? | ||
| Tim Conway and Don Knotts. | ||
| The movie. | ||
| Your daughters would love it. | ||
| Probably not. | ||
| Have you gotten to show them any of my favorites? | ||
| Beetlejuice? | ||
| That'd be a fun one to watch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they like that. | |
| They like that a lot. | ||
| But you know what they thought was fucking hilarious? | ||
| Talladega Nights. | ||
| They were howling. | ||
| A little inappropriate. | ||
| A few inappropriate moments. | ||
| A few inappropriate things they say, but goddamn, that fucking show was funny. | ||
| That movie, rather, was funny. | ||
| Did you show them Moana or whatever? | ||
| Yeah, they loved that. | ||
| That was amazing. | ||
| Star Wars? | ||
| Yeah, they've seen Star Wars. | ||
| It's funny, I watched the old Star Wars. | ||
| You watch the old Star Wars, then you watch the new Star Wars, and the special effects. | ||
| They look like some school project. | ||
| It literally looks like something that a million kids could do better on the internet right now. | ||
| I wasn't a fan of the new one. | ||
| I fell asleep like 15 times during it. | ||
| I didn't see the newest new one. | ||
| I saw the one before the new one where Han Solo dies. | ||
| I didn't see the newest new one. | ||
| I liked the newest new one. | ||
| I heard the newest new one was one of the best ones. | ||
| Yeah, it definitely was. | ||
| Brian says no? | ||
| I think it was boring as fuck. | ||
| Brian needed sleep that day. | ||
| Yeah, you probably... | ||
| No, I even saw it in 3D. Maybe it was because it was in 3D. 3D's not good? | ||
| No, the 3D was an afterthought 3D. Where they're like, let's make it 3D. It wasn't anything awesome. | ||
| I think I'd rather not have seen it in 3D. I think maybe that might have been it. | ||
| It was so boring. | ||
| There was no 3D going on, so it was just like, my eyes are getting tired. | ||
| I just need to sleep. | ||
| I kept on falling asleep. | ||
| You sound unhealthy. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| But I thought it was just me. | ||
| I thought it was something like I didn't have any sleep. | ||
| But then people I've read on Twitter agree and said the same exact shit. | ||
| There's probably people that follow you and they're like, I'm sleepy too. | ||
| I would like to see what you thought. | ||
| I thought the acting was horrible. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Horrible acting. | ||
| I literally know nothing about it. | ||
| You're a crazy person. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| You know what I'm excited for? | ||
| John Wick 2. Yeah! | ||
| I'm down with that. | ||
| I just saw a good movie last... | ||
| I shouldn't say good. | ||
| It was pretty good. | ||
| It wasn't great. | ||
| That movie Split, which is getting a lot of news right now. | ||
| Oh, that's that M. Night Shyamalan with Ding Dong movie? | ||
| Yeah, it did surprisingly well. | ||
| Fuck that, dude. | ||
| He keeps tricking me. | ||
| I know, yeah. | ||
| It wasn't one of those kind of like, oh, there's a big twist at the end. | ||
| Everyone's saying there's a twist at the end. | ||
| It's not that... | ||
| It's not as big of a fucking surprise or anything like that, but the movie itself was pretty interesting. | ||
| It's about people with DID, which is dissociative identity disorder, which is fucking weird. | ||
| I looked up some more stuff on it. | ||
| If it's real the way that this movie depicts it, it's fucking insane. | ||
| Well, people definitely have blown brains. | ||
| But that M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong guy, he got me with that fucking elevator movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, I'll watch The Devil's in the Elevator, man. | |
| I skipped a bunch of the movies. | ||
| I'm like, you motherfucker! | ||
| I think the Marky Mark one where the trees kill people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, the trees come to life and kill folks. | |
| Yeah, he got me with that one, too. | ||
| He got me with the village. | ||
| You know, the people that live in the village. | ||
| They find out there's planes flying over the head. | ||
| They walk out to the road. | ||
| It's walking distance! | ||
| They didn't even bring food! | ||
| Sixth Sense was cool. | ||
| Signs was scary at points, but really bad movie. | ||
| But stop and think how fucking stupid that village concept was. | ||
| They had this village. | ||
| They thought they were living in the 1800s. | ||
| But meanwhile, they're in modern America. | ||
| And the way this experiment, the way they protect this experiment, planes didn't fly over it. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, surely you must be no fucking where near people. | ||
| Oh, you're right over there? | ||
| Oh, you could just walk. | ||
| You could just walk to the town and they didn't find out about you all these years. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Fireworks, 4th of July. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| There's going to be something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Get the fuck out of here, bitch. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| I don't think I saw The Village now that I think about it. | ||
| It's so stupid. | ||
| It was so stupid. | ||
| I thought it was about monsters too. | ||
| The monsters are taking people. | ||
| It's like people dressed like monsters. | ||
| If you want your heart to beat, watch a movie called Don't Breathe. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| A movie about a bunch of punk, cool, smart, like, thieve kids that are coming up and on a good run of robberies. | ||
| And they go and they see that this former Vietnam vet... | ||
| He won a ton of money in a lawsuit and someone close to him at the bank said that he took it all out in cash and has it in his house. | ||
| So they got this hot tip that this guy has a couple million in cash in his house and he's some old, old Vietnam vet. | ||
| So let's do that. | ||
| Don't say anymore! | ||
| Spoiler! | ||
| What the fuck, dude? | ||
| I showed you the trailer for this. | ||
| That's literally the setup. | ||
| I showed you the trailer for this on the podcast and I mistakenly said it was the guy from the Kevin Smith movie and you called it out as the guy from Avatar, like the general from Avatar. | ||
| Yeah, that guy. | ||
| Now I remember it. | ||
| Don't breathe. | ||
| You know what else is supposed to be really good? | ||
| There's a zombie movie that I think was made in England. | ||
| I think it's called The Girl with All the Gifts. | ||
| And it's about a kid that's a zombie. | ||
| Like, there's a disease. | ||
| And these people get it, and it turns them frantic. | ||
| And this one girl, I think they're using, according to the trailer, they're using her to make a vaccine. | ||
| But these fucking pandemic disease movies where people go crazy and start killing each other, they seem a little scarier now that Trump's in office. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Are you serious about that Trump getting a mask thing? | ||
| Like how great that would be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I am you. | |
| He's better now. | ||
| I am your president. | ||
| Dude, you should have been here the inauguration night. | ||
| Inauguration night, we did a podcast in here with Jeff Ross, and Jeff Ross was freaking me out. | ||
| He knows Trump. | ||
| He roasted Trump. | ||
| He's like, he's never leaving. | ||
| He's going to be there for 20 years, and he'll leave, but he'll make sure that somebody who's his friend gets elected, and he'll be his advisor, and he'll be right there with him, then his son will get in. | ||
| He's like, that's it. | ||
| It's over now. | ||
| He's in. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And then the moment he gets in, he takes the LBGT page off the White House, and he takes the civil rights page off the White House. | ||
| No, that happens with every presidential change. | ||
| I read a whole thing about that. | ||
| They take the LBGT page. | ||
| They archive everything. | ||
| They take everything from everybody's thing and completely scratch it. | ||
| And then they put up the new page with the new president who doesn't give a fuck about LBGT, who doesn't give a fuck about climate change, and who doesn't give a fuck about civil rights. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| Still the same thing, no matter what. | ||
| Like, what he decided to remove and not replace. | ||
| But I think it's like a process, though, right? | ||
| Is it? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| You don't think they would have a website in place? | ||
| I read a whole thing, and maybe, again, I can't cite the source, because like I told you earlier, I'm smoking twice as much weed as I ever have before in my life. | ||
| But I read that that's a thing that happened when Barack took office. | ||
| A lot of this stuff, by the way, that's happening is stuff that It's a very regular thing. | ||
| People are freaking out about his cabinet picks, but I read a whole thing on that where it's like, yeah, that's how this stuff works. | ||
| You still have to get approved by the Senate. | ||
| His cabinet picks tell a lot about his intentions, like the guy, the former Exxon CEO. But don't you think that's sort of good to have? | ||
| Do you know that he put a five-year... | ||
| He's the first president to say that you can't just go join lobbies and you can't get rich. | ||
| You're not going to get rich off of me. | ||
| So I think maybe if that guy who he interviewed, who's Trump known for hiring people, that's what his specialty is... | ||
| If he hired that guy for a reason, and if it's because he's such a fucking freak that he might be one of the people to fix the economy, look how much money he made Mobile X on, I'm just saying that if he's right, then fuck, that'd be so great. | ||
| I'm rooting for the guy. | ||
| It seems scary and stuff, but I think he has a plan. | ||
| If he's right about what? | ||
| See, the problem is, everyone knows there's a real transparent deal that Obama blocked, where Exxon was trying to drill, and they were trying to make this deal with Russia, and Exxon got cock-blocked by Obama. | ||
| And now that Obama's out, and the former Exxon CEO is in, People are wondering, are they doing something that the environmentalists think could potentially be a huge disaster, and are they doing it for profit? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't follow it enough. | ||
| That's when I'm not optimistic, though. | ||
| That's when I get nervous. | ||
| But then again, things like this Dakota pipeline, you know about that, right? | ||
| The Dakota Pipeline, they were trying... | ||
| I mean, they fucking did, man. | ||
| They arrested people for trying to protest them. | ||
| This government decided... | ||
| This easement they decided to put through people's private land. | ||
| These guys had ranchers. | ||
| There's a river that runs through that. | ||
| And they wanted to drill this pipeline right under the river. | ||
| And if it blew... | ||
| Which they do all the time. | ||
| If it goes bad, this whole river system gets totally poisoned. | ||
| And they successfully blocked it. | ||
| But people had to put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into it. | ||
| And they had to protest for a long time. | ||
| They got shot at with water hoses and freezing cold weather. | ||
| That happened under Obama's watch though, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| So, I mean, it's one of those things where it's like, at least we're learning that if you do have to make some sacrifices and protest in a certain situation like that, that maybe it will work, I guess. | ||
| It is interesting that it happened under Obama's watch and he didn't do jack shit about it. | ||
| He didn't freak out. | ||
| He had to have been aware. | ||
| He had to know that these people are protesting a very dangerous situation. | ||
| It's all fucked up, man. | ||
| There's so much profit to be made. | ||
| And then these guys have to think, hey, if we don't do this, then we're reliant upon the salt number nine is gold underwear. | ||
| Because that's the only place where we're going to get our oil from, right? | ||
| We have to get our oil from the Middle East. | ||
| Should we get it ourselves? | ||
| Should we get it this way? | ||
| Is that better? | ||
| Is it better for our country? | ||
| How do we do it without fucking up the environment? | ||
| Can you prove to me that we're not going to fuck up the environment? | ||
| And then they think they do, and then they go out, and they go, oh, sir, we've got a problem. | ||
| Earthquakes have increased by 500%. | ||
| Earthquakes? | ||
| What do you mean, earthquakes? | ||
| Well, we didn't anticipate this, but apparently when you frack and drill holes in the ground, the earth shifts, and we have some serious earthquakes. | ||
| And unfortunately, because of that shifting, some of that shit has gotten into the water supply. | ||
| And that's where they are right now in Oklahoma. | ||
| Oklahoma, they're having a fuckton of earthquakes, and they're trying to figure out what to do, because these guys are just digging holes in the ground. | ||
| I mean, we're crazy monsters. | ||
| We're like termites. | ||
| We're termites. | ||
| We're digging holes into the ground, and we're sucking up all the juicy stuff so we can light fires. | ||
| That's what we're doing. | ||
| We're lighting fires. | ||
| We're lighting gas fires and oil fires. | ||
| We just contain them inside these metal blocks. | ||
| I mean, that's what we're doing. | ||
| What we need all this stuff for is combustion engines to make plastic so we can choke birds. | ||
| That's what we're doing. | ||
| We're choking birds and lighting fires. | ||
| They're going to tap our natural resources on federal lands according to the first energy plan on the White House website. | ||
| It says we have, this is the quote from, we must take advantage of the estimated $50 trillion in untapped shale, oil, and natural gas reserves, especially those on federal lands that the American people own. | ||
| I mean, that's super interesting. | ||
| That's a terrible thing. | ||
| That's a terrible thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a terrible thing, because that's what we were talking about with Teddy Roosevelt, the public land, and having public land, and how it's such a huge issue, and such an amazing resource, like places like Yellowstone, like all these... | ||
| Places where you can go and hike and camp and fish and hunt and enjoy this insane piece of nature that we have here. | ||
| This insane piece of wilderness. | ||
| We have an amazing public land system in this country. | ||
| And there's a bunch of people that are working really hard to keep that in place. | ||
| But when they start talking about taking out the natural resources and drilling into it and shit, it doesn't look good. | ||
| Alright, everybody's checking their watches. | ||
| Time to get out of here. | ||
| It's 1234. We did enough. | ||
| We did like two hours, right? | ||
| Did we do two hours? | ||
| Two and a half hours. | ||
| Two and a half hours. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Enough already. | ||
| Okay, everybody. | ||
| Bye. | ||
| Say bye. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bye. | |
| Say bye. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| We'll probably do this again. | ||
| Hey, maybe the next one we'll try to do on stage. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Or we'll sneak one in here where we don't have people coming down and knocking on the door and trying to take selfies in front of the door. | ||
| Hey, come see me do stand-up comedy. | ||
| Me? | ||
| Not you. | ||
| No, I'm talking to the listeners. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Are you looking in my eyes? | ||
| You come. | ||
| Where am I going? | ||
| You're coming to San Antonio this weekend, Chicago. | ||
| Jesus, Texas? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Texas? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| All weekend. | ||
| San Antonio, Chicago, Calgary, the River Center Improv. | ||
| All these dates are at TonyHinchcliffe.com. | ||
| I didn't even know that existed. | ||
| San Antonio is an improv? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We're going to the Royal Rumble on Sunday. | ||
| Me and a whole gang of people here. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they're all doing the shows with me. | ||
| It's like a dream weekend. | ||
| Brian's making gay... | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| The guy that falls asleep in movies because he's got the... | ||
| Body of a... | ||
| Go on, Brian. | ||
| TonyHinchcliffe.com for all those tour names. | ||
| TonyHinchcliffe.com, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Brian, wherefore art thou? | ||
| How about this? | ||
| February 1st, Comedy Store, Main Room, and some other shit. | ||
| Go to DeathSquad.tv. | ||
| DeathSquad.tv, you sons of bitches. | ||
| Joe Rogan just did Kill Tony. | ||
| I just did Kill Tony! | ||
| Listen to us judge young comedians in Kill Tony episode 200 is coming up in the Main Room in March. | ||
| And the Kill Tony we did today was a good one. | ||
| The girl at the end, what was her name? | ||
| Uh... | ||
| Kirsten... | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Dirty Hippie Comic. | ||
| That's a Dirty Hippie Comic on Twitter. | ||
| She's fucking hilarious. | ||
| She's really funny. | ||
| She was good. | ||
| She killed me. | ||
| And we filmed tonight in VR, so there's two streams. | ||
| Jesus Christ, what more do you want, you fucks? | ||
| Got it. | ||
| Alright, folks, that's it. | ||
| I'll see you soon. |
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