Jan. 20, 2017 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:53:56
Participants
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
We are now live. | |
| Jeff Ross, this is the first time we have ever done a live podcast from the Comedy Store, and it's with you, buddy. | ||
| I feel like we're in Hitler's bunker. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| I think Hitler's bunker is probably not as well lit. | ||
| Definitely didn't have the sound dampening. | ||
| That's how you know it's a real podcast studio. | ||
| They have this shit. | ||
| The sound dampening stuff. | ||
| The sound dampening stuff. | ||
| I think this is cool though. | ||
| It's in the color of the comedy store. | ||
| It's got the old sign. | ||
| Old comedy store sign in the background. | ||
| And we figured, fuck it. | ||
| We're here all the time. | ||
| Usually I'm just here hanging around after. | ||
| Why not do a podcast? | ||
| Have some fun. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Hi everybody! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's up? | |
| Hey everybody! | ||
| Happy Thursday. | ||
| Happy Thursday. | ||
| So, tell me about your fucking show. | ||
| Your roast battle is on Comedy Central. | ||
| It's crazy, man. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| Started out in the belly room. | ||
| You know, you came. | ||
| It's fucking great. | ||
| It's one of the reasons why I came back to the store. | ||
| When I came to see that show in the belly room, I was like, wow. | ||
| It was the day before Ari filmed this special. | ||
| And I hadn't been to the store in seven years. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| I came here. | ||
| I saw you at the improv that night. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd seen you a couple. | ||
| I'd been sitting at the improv around and I kept talking about it. | ||
| That's where I was doing sets. | ||
| And I kind of made it a personal mission to bring you back to the comedy store. | ||
| Aw, sweetie. | ||
| And Roast Battle was the bait. | ||
| Well, Roast Battle definitely helped, too, also because it was so electric. | ||
| I was like, man, there's something going on in this place. | ||
| Dude, I love doing this show so much, and the comics love doing it. | ||
| It's the only competition show where comics who aren't even on the show come to watch other comics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| It's one of the rare shows where comics come to watch other comics. | ||
| We're shooting in the old House of Blues across the street. | ||
| They're knocking it down in a couple weeks and building condos forever. | ||
| Very historic building. | ||
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| So our producer, Joel Gallen, had the idea to go in there, pull the stage out, clean it up. | ||
| There was like all kinds of stuff living in there. | ||
| And we built our roast battle arena inside the old House of Blues for four nights. | ||
| I can't believe this is happening. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's like, you know, the early days of wrestling or fighting or something. | ||
| I can't believe they're turning into condos. | ||
| That stuff's hard to realize that that's what we're going to have across the street, but maybe it'll be good in some way. | ||
| Well, I bet a lot of comics are just going to get a fucking apartment there. | ||
| If you can afford it, that'd be amazing. | ||
| Stumble out of bed, walk across the street. | ||
| Oh, I didn't even think about that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why not live there? | ||
| Huh. | ||
| I mean, come on, man. | ||
| It'd be the greatest. | ||
| And if you have a reluctant girl, you know? | ||
| You're trying to meet a young lady, and you're like, come on back to my place. | ||
| Well, I mean, I'm getting kind of tired. | ||
| Listen, baby, it's just across the street. | ||
| Yeah, you're there. | ||
| We're already there. | ||
| Come on over. | ||
| Okay, Jeff. | ||
| I mean, you are kind of funny, and I just want you to know I'm not that kind of girl. | ||
| Well, we'll play ping pong in my rec room. | ||
| Ping pong's a good one to play. | ||
| Everyone thinks they know how to play foosball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| I don't know. | ||
| Do they? | ||
| Yeah, a lot of drunk people think they know how to play that one. | ||
| Oh, foosball. | ||
| Yeah, you know that thing. | ||
| Nobody knows how to play ping pong. | ||
| A few people do, but they're assholes. | ||
| I have two Chinese cousins and they're very good at ping pong. | ||
| China and ping pong go together for some reason. | ||
| Has anyone seen that video of Bruce Lee hitting the nunchucks? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| No, it's not real. | ||
| Damn! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Joe Rogan, you ruined it! | |
| Why did you think it was real? | ||
| It looks so fucking fake. | ||
| How do I know? | ||
| I could eat glasses. | ||
| Can you imagine if he was a world champion ping pong player plus this martial arts master? | ||
| I didn't even take it to fact that his ping pong was that good. | ||
| It was more like he was hitting the ball without... | ||
| Wasn't he doing it with nunchucks? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, I don't think. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I don't even know why I answered that. | ||
| I should have told you yes. | ||
| It was true. | ||
| Totally real, bro. | ||
| Bruce Lee was a master, bro. | ||
| Damn, I just never wanted to know and I shouldn't have asked. | ||
| I was here one night where Eddie Griffin was telling a Bruce Lee story and Eddie Griffin was just drunk as fuck and he was making up some Bruce Lee story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, there was 39 people in the room when he died. | |
| All of them attacked Bruce Lee. | ||
| 18 of them died before they got him. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| He had like an allergic reaction to a drug or something. | ||
| He had like a blood clot or something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Some people think the Chinese triad had him whacked. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, because you know his son Brandon died on the set of a movie where they had a fake gun, like a gun with a blank, and they shot at him, and there was something inside the gun, and it wound up killing him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ugh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| What a way to go. | ||
| Was it a stuntman who shot him or another actor? | ||
| I think it was another actor. | ||
| And from then on, now they made a new rule after that, I think. | ||
| This might be bullshit. | ||
| But I think the new rule was what I had heard, was that you can't point a gun at someone when you shoot them. | ||
| Like, instead of shooting you in the blank, if you and I were in a movie and I was going to shoot you in the blank, I'd have to do that. | ||
| It looks like from over there that I'm shooting at you, but I'm really shooting to the left of you. | ||
| Oh, fascinating. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I guess I never realized that. | ||
| Sightline is weird. | ||
| Yeah, you remember his brother, The Crow? | ||
| Or his son, rather? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Isn't that movie The Crow? | ||
| It was cool, and they had to finish it without him or something? | ||
| Yeah, they had to hire some guy to pretend to be him, I think. | ||
| It's 2017. We're almost done with January, and not one major celebrity has died in any way yet. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| Amazing how many dropped off right before the end, though. | ||
| Carrie Fisher was a bummer. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Who else died? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Prince, George Michael, David Bowie. | |
| Prince is a bad one, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He died from fucking pain pills. | |
| Hey, Magoda. | ||
| We lost Fish? | ||
| A year ago. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Beginning of last year. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Tough one. | ||
| I didn't know about that one. | ||
| He was 175 years old. | ||
| He was at least that old. | ||
| What was that other? | ||
| Barney, um... | ||
| His SAG number was three. | ||
| Barney Miller, right? | ||
| Wasn't that a detective show? | ||
| He played Fish on Barney Miller. | ||
| And then he had Fish. | ||
| He was on his own show. | ||
| Well, he was in the Godfather movies. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| He had a spinoff, though, right? | ||
| Fish. | ||
| Fish. | ||
| I love that show. | ||
| It's only on one season, but everyone remembers it. | ||
| How is that possible? | ||
| If there's a show on now for one season, you don't even know it's on. | ||
| You never heard of it. | ||
| Fish lasted one season, and everyone remembers it. | ||
| Do you think this now that, you know... | ||
| You've been on TV a bunch of times, and you've had your own show, and now you've got Rose Battle on. | ||
| Do you think there's so many shows on now, with so many networks and so many channels, and then there's streaming shit like Netflix and Hulu and CISO? It's almost like there's too much content. | ||
| I think it's just, for some reason, more narrowed. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You get your exact audience. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Strange. | ||
| You know, like Doug Benson has something for pot smokers, and someone else has something for home improvement, and there's a channel just for cooking shows. | ||
| It's kind of like that, I guess. | ||
| Otherwise, it's hard to understand. | ||
| Well, it's hard to get people to know about your show just from TV. Right. | ||
| You need some sort of web presence and some sort of social media presence and something else. | ||
| It's like regular shows. | ||
| If you just put it on after a successful show, nobody knows what the fuck it is. | ||
| They just change the channel to something they do know. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| There's almost too many things going on now, Jeff. | ||
| That's what's hard about launching any TV show. | ||
| And we're doing our show as a tournament, like as an event. | ||
| So by the time you even know it's on, it's over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it's so good. | ||
| It's so good, it can't lose. | ||
| That's a show when they said that they were going to turn that into a television show, I'm like, that can't miss. | ||
| It can't miss. | ||
| And, you know, especially if you could figure out a way to do them all in the belly room. | ||
| I really feel like the belly room is something special. | ||
| It really is the magic. | ||
| There's something, it's so intimate, it's so, and when you see someone get fucking crushed in the belly room, like I've heard some goddamn titanic lines up there. | ||
| What did Kim Kong did say about this girl? | ||
| Oh, she said, she's not Union, but her tits are sag. | ||
| It really is a joke writer's showcase. | ||
| It is. | ||
| We're doing it the last... | ||
| It's next weekend. | ||
| I don't know when you were posting. | ||
| We're live. | ||
| So it's... | ||
| Yeah, we're live now. | ||
| We're live now. | ||
| Hi, I forgot for a second. | ||
| Oh, hi, everybody. | ||
| So when is it... | ||
| It's 26th, 27th, 28th, and 29th January. | ||
| Four nights in a row. | ||
| And it... | ||
| Has it already... | ||
| It's a bracketed tournament. | ||
| We'll start taping tomorrow, and then the finale is live on the 29th. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| That's awesome. | ||
| Live on TV? It's fun right now because we're in the comedy store right now. | ||
| All the New York comics are staying across the street. | ||
| So they're all coming over to check out the comedy store. | ||
| And now we're shooting across the street in the old House of Blues. | ||
| So this whole little neighborhood is going to be a roast battle neighborhood for a week or so. | ||
| You hear the piano? | ||
| It's kind of great. | ||
| We're downstairs below the original room. | ||
| This is underground comedy. | ||
| This is underground. | ||
| That's what we're going to call it. | ||
| Underground at the Comedy Store. | ||
| Right? | ||
| I love that. | ||
| Perfect, because we're underground. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what we'll call it. | |
| Got it. | ||
| Love that. | ||
| Live underground from the Comedy Store. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Because you can hear comics killing up there. | ||
| You can hear the piano music. | ||
| It's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's got a real feel to it, bro. | ||
| Dude, you shaved your eyebrows. | ||
| I ran into you in New York five months ago, and you had shaved your eyebrows. | ||
| How do I look now? | ||
| They're kind of not back yet. | ||
| I'm a strange looking guy, Rogan. | ||
| How long does it take for eyebrows to grow back? | ||
| Could be a lifetime. | ||
| That's fucking nuts. | ||
| That's so weird. | ||
| I thought eyebrows would be like a beard. | ||
| I don't really have hair on my body. | ||
| You don't? | ||
| Like your body hair? | ||
| Yeah, like my sister's never shaved her legs. | ||
| Look, Greg Fitzsimmons, everybody. | ||
| Come on in, Greg. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come in? | |
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Get in here, buddy. | ||
| We saved you a spot. | ||
| Isn't this cool? | ||
| Hi, Greg. | ||
| Dude, you are for here. | ||
| Is he better for here? | ||
| This one's fine? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Welcome to Hitler's bunker. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Can we fuck Ava? | ||
| No. | ||
| How was your set? | ||
| How was your set? | ||
| You know, it was one of those crowds where if you did new shit that you were excited about, they were with you, and as soon as you did a bit that had any dust on it, they just fucking flatlined. | ||
| So do you think that was you, or they felt it in you? | ||
| Oh, it was definitely me. | ||
| It was me because I felt like when you have new stuff, you get so excited about doing it that you come alive and you're not reciting it. | ||
| You're really saying it. | ||
| And then when you transition into shit that you've been doing for too long, you lose that freshness and they sense there's a difference between the material. | ||
| There's a moment when you're doing an old bit where you have so much shame and you try to reignite it and It's like when you see a guy yelling at his son in a parking lot. | ||
| And he doesn't even believe it. | ||
| He's just doing it because he thinks that's how a father's supposed to act. | ||
| You know what's even worse? | ||
| Is when you see someone yelling at their kid and then you look over and you make eye contact with them and they realize they shouldn't be yelling at their kid and they've lost their cool. | ||
| Plus I can imagine you looking at a guy who's yelling at his kid. | ||
| There's probably a little bit of a menacing look on your face. | ||
| I try not to be. | ||
| I try to be kind. | ||
| I don't want to be menacing to parents. | ||
| Or audiences, for that matter. | ||
| I don't yell at my kids, man. | ||
| I might raise my voice occasionally if they're doing something really fucked up, like they're being mean to each other. | ||
| But I remember people yelling at me, man. | ||
| The cortisol reaction that happens in a kid's brain and all the stress hormones that get released, there's plenty of fucking bad shit going on in the world. | ||
| They don't need their parents yelling at them, too. | ||
| Well, especially when you put it in perspective. | ||
| Like, your parent, at any given time, is possibly three or four times bigger than you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| And then when they yell at you on top of that, that's really, that's fucking intimidating. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You sound like a couple of pussies right now. | ||
| We have kids. | ||
| You become a pussy. | ||
| You definitely do in a certain way. | ||
| You become a pussy. | ||
| Yeah, you definitely. | ||
| The good thing about that, me not yelling, is my fucking six-year-old is not even remotely scared of me. | ||
| Not even a little. | ||
| She mocks me openly. | ||
| I go, hey, listen, you can't do that. | ||
| She sticks her tongue out at me. | ||
| She's not even a little nervous around me. | ||
| Maybe I should be a little harder. | ||
| Just leave some videotapes of you doing jiu-jitsu on somebody. | ||
| Just in a loop. | ||
| I teach her. | ||
| I teach my kids. | ||
| They take martial arts. | ||
| My six-year-old is actually a higher rank than my eight-year-old. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think that gives them the confidence to talk smack at you. | ||
| No. | ||
| If he hits me, I can block it. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't think that's it. | ||
| I just think they know I'm not going to do anything. | ||
| They beat the shit out of me, though. | ||
| They're allowed to hit me because they're allowed to practice techniques on me. | ||
| I allowed them. | ||
| Full blast leg kicks. | ||
| Especially my 8-year-old. | ||
| She can fucking hit hard, man. | ||
| She'll step into a leg kick and crack! | ||
| She lets me know she's going to do it, but I let her do it so she can feel what it's like to hit a real person as hard as you want. | ||
| Yeah, you're her meat puppet. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| You know Jeff Ross of Black Belt and Paekwondo? | ||
| I did know that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What year did you become a black belt? | ||
| I was not even 11. Oh, so it's a junior black belt. | ||
| Easy, buddy. | ||
| Hey! | ||
| That's nice, though. | ||
| It's great if you fight a midget. | ||
| It was a black belt. | ||
| I had to teach adults in order to get my black belt. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You had to teach adults? | ||
| Really? | ||
| That was part of the test. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| You learn a lot when you teach. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Your son's a black belt, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Junior black belt. | ||
| Junior black belt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He did it for like eight years. | ||
| A lot of different schools have different distinctions. | ||
| Eight years of anything at that age is pretty great. | ||
| What's tough is once they get the black belt, there's not new forms to learn. | ||
| It's just perfecting what you've already learned. | ||
| There's a big drop-off because kids are so used to getting a new belt and learning new, what do they call it, katas? | ||
| Yeah, depending on what style art. | ||
| Kata is actually a Japanese word. | ||
| It depends on what martial art. | ||
| In Taekwondo, I think they called it It's different for other styles of Korean martial arts. | ||
| I have a different name for it, too. | ||
| You can go to higher degrees, though. | ||
| You can get second degree, third degree. | ||
| It takes a while. | ||
| It takes a different mentality to go to that level. | ||
| Yeah, that is a thing, man. | ||
| Once people achieve black belt, they feel like they're done. | ||
| The mountain has been climbed. | ||
| That's one thing that you don't... | ||
| Well, I guess you kind of have that in all martial arts. | ||
| But Taekwondo, you're doing a lot of light contact sparring, and because of that, I think it's not as engaging as jujitsu, because jujitsu is kind of like full blast, because you're not hitting each We're good to | ||
| go. | ||
| I usually just wait until somebody gets an erection, then we call it a day. | ||
| Do you finish them off? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Good man. | ||
| I made a joke last night on your show. | ||
| It just kind of came up, but somebody goes... | ||
| This guy goes, I'd have sex with you. | ||
| And I go, that's nice. | ||
| He goes... | ||
| He goes, but I'd be the top. | ||
| I go, of course you'd be the top because the only way anyone's fucking me is I'm flat on my face and you just tackled me. | ||
| And it's probably a three-way. | ||
| That's the only way I'm getting fucked is these two guys and I'm the bottom. | ||
| There's something there. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| What's the closest you ever came to fooling around with a guy, Jeff? | ||
| Right now? | ||
| Not close. | ||
| Not close at all? | ||
| With this conversation? | ||
| You ever got high and like, uh... | ||
| I guess I saw... | ||
|
unidentified
|
What happened? | |
| He's rubbing his eyes. | ||
| He just cut himself off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he's like, I can't get into that. | |
| You know what he's thinking now? | ||
| This is part of the problem with being a roast master. | ||
| He's thinking someone's going to use this on me in a roast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Could be a roast battle. | ||
| You can't show a soft underbelly. | ||
| Do you think you'll ever wound up battling on roast battle? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Are you already preparing? | ||
| No, I just think about how it would work. | ||
| I look at like... | ||
| Who would be fun to battle. | ||
| I'm obviously a bit easy target for a guy who works the door here. | ||
| He's going to destroy me. | ||
| It's like, of course, how the mighty will fall. | ||
| But I still think it would be fun anyway. | ||
| What does it feel like knowing that you roasted the President of the United States? | ||
| You roasted Trump. | ||
| It is totally a weird feeling. | ||
| And I saw him a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I saw him down in Florida. | ||
| What are you doing at his golf course? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I don't understand your life. | ||
| Jeff Ross's life is like nobody else's. | ||
| I follow him on fucking Instagram. | ||
| And every night he's in a different city with a different set of cool people. | ||
| Well, when you're a successful man, you don't have children. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| And you're not married. | ||
| You can do whatever the fuck you want. | ||
| Jesus, what a life. | ||
| Yeah, you really do have a good life in that regard. | ||
| You're free as a bird. | ||
| It is cool. | ||
| How the fuck have you managed to not get tied down? | ||
| I'm ready to get tied down. | ||
| You're ready? | ||
| I wish I... They say that. | ||
| I wish I would meet somebody who could do that. | ||
| They say that when they're around us. | ||
| Yeah, that's not true. | ||
| That's not true. | ||
| I would like to settle down. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I haven't met the right person. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| How come you haven't met the right person? | ||
| Because you're in a new city every night, you fuck. | ||
| You're constantly traveling. | ||
| Maybe I'm looking the wrong way. | ||
| I came close a couple times. | ||
| Do you think you'll have a little Jeff someday? | ||
| I really hope so. | ||
| How old are you now? | ||
| 50. 51. It's over. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Because your comma's bad. | ||
| You really think so? | ||
| If it tastes it, it's probably bitter. | ||
| Don't freak me out. | ||
| Don't freak me out. | ||
| You already told me that the Bruce Lee video wasn't real. | ||
| He thought the Bruce Lee video, Bruce Lee playing ping pong with nunchucks, he thought that was real. | ||
| No, you didn't. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| They're round. | ||
| Nunchucks are round. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And who the fuck is that good that you could time it? | |
| You'd have to time the ping pong. | ||
| It's not like a paddle that's like a rigid thing where you can kind of hit it. | ||
| You have to time the swing of the thing. | ||
| I thought he was a badass. | ||
| Well, he was definitely a badass. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| He was the original mixed martial artist. | ||
| You think my cum is bad? | ||
| It's probably not good. | ||
| It's probably not good. | ||
| You probably have to... | ||
| Get a nephew or somebody to kick in. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Some of Greg's come. | ||
| Greg's still got a couple of good rumors in there. | ||
| This is terrible news. | ||
| At a certain age, when men have children, there's a high risk of autism. | ||
| Somebody was mocking Trump. | ||
| I think it was Rosie O'Donnell was mocking Trump's kid. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Rosie O'Donnell did. | ||
| Yeah, which I thought was like, wow. | ||
| I know that he said some fucked up shit about her, but going after his kid like that, that shows you how much he hurt her. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She wrote a poem about how depressed she was when he became president. | ||
| No, he hadn't even won yet. | ||
| He made fun of her in a debate. | ||
| In one of the debates, he was talking, like someone said he talked bad about women. | ||
| He's like, well, Rosie O'Donnell. | ||
| But everybody agrees with me. | ||
| And he got a laugh. | ||
| And apparently she was just devastated. | ||
| She called his kid autistic? | ||
| Later. | ||
| It was after that. | ||
| I think she was just crushed. | ||
| She was talking about how sad she was. | ||
| She couldn't go outside. | ||
| I haven't seen his kid. | ||
| Does he look autistic? | ||
| He looks like a fucking kid. | ||
| He's a tall, good-looking kid. | ||
| He's got a bunch of kids. | ||
| He gave them Rhode Island for Christmas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a comedy store. | |
| Well, the kid's 10, and he's 70. Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean... | ||
| So he was 60 when he... | ||
| Yeah, when he shot one in. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Because the thing is, now you just think about how much your cell phone is in your pocket, how many waves are going through your semen all the time. | ||
| Oh, you don't put it in your pocket? | ||
| I do. | ||
| You do. | ||
| Why does everybody think that radiation's bad? | ||
| Remember when we were kids? | ||
| The comic book guys got radiation. | ||
| Don't sit too close to the TV. But they became heroes. | ||
| Don't sit too close to the TV, they used to tell you. | ||
| Yeah, they were worried about that. | ||
| But I think that was for your eyes. | ||
| Right? | ||
| But like radiation in comic books, it always does good shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| I guess you're right. | ||
| People go radiation when they're ill. | ||
| It's a healing thing now. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| They do to kill the tumor, but it kills you too. | ||
| It just kills the tumor more than it kills you. | ||
| It kills the tumor first, and it brings you to the door of death, and then you pull back. | ||
| Oof. | ||
| And start drinking wheatgrass juice and getting your life together. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I just started some probiotics online today. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| You should eat actual live probiotics. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, kimchi, yogurt, kefir is good. | ||
| All that stuff. | ||
| I'm a big proponent of probiotics. | ||
| I eat a lot of it, man. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Kimchi, well probiotics is anytime you're taking in like healthy bacteria, like whether it's in the form of yogurt, acidophilus. | ||
| Sauerkraut is actually a healthy, especially raw sauerkraut. | ||
| Oh yeah? | ||
| Actually a very good probiotic. | ||
| Really good for you. | ||
| There's a lot of like natural food stores, like Whole Foods type places that have probiotic sauerkraut. | ||
| Really good for you because it's fermented. | ||
| Anytime you're fermenting something, what's happening is this bacteria is living on the food. | ||
| When you're eating kimchi, there's bacteria living on the food, but it's healthy bacteria. | ||
| Because I fart so bad, and it's been years. | ||
| I think I caught Giardia when I was down in Florida. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| You drink it out of a creek? | ||
| No, tap water in Florida, man. | ||
| You're not supposed to drink it. | ||
| It's the worst tap water in America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Because it's a sandbar. | ||
| There's no fucking fresh water down there. | ||
| Yeah, but isn't all tap water treated with chlorine? | ||
| Yeah, but there's only so much they can do with that shit down there. | ||
|
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|
Really? | |
| Look at those people. | ||
| And so I started farting, and I went on all kinds of antibiotics, and I got rid of a bulk of it, but the farts have remained. | ||
| And so somebody told me probiotics can clear it up. | ||
| Have you ever heard that when people get poop transfusions? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah, they'll take poop from a healthy person. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's a real thing. | ||
| Ass to ass? | ||
| Well, they don't make you go butt to butt with somebody. | ||
| I think they go in and fish it out and they shoot it up in you. | ||
| But they literally will shoot somebody else's poop up your asshole into your body. | ||
| And some people even swallow poop tablets. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Never heard that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They do to people that have really unhealthy gut biomes. | ||
| And one of the issues with a lot of people is antibiotics. | ||
| When you take antibiotics, it doesn't just kill the bad stuff. | ||
| It kills good stuff, too. | ||
| Oh, they just had the first woman who couldn't be cured by antibiotics. | ||
| Did you read about that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Yeah, she had some kind of a... | ||
| I don't know what it was. | ||
| It was some kind of a bacteria. | ||
| Like MRSA? You know, I wish I knew more about the story, but I don't know. | ||
| Maybe we can look it up on the internet. | ||
| But it was the first time that they tried every type of antibiotic, and it didn't work. | ||
| And they said that this could mark the beginning of untreatable viruses. | ||
| So bacteria or virus, I guess? | ||
| Bacteria. | ||
| Bacterias, right? | ||
| You don't treat viruses with antibiotics. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| Antiviral medication is a different thing, I believe. | ||
| But bacteria, as far as the stuff that you get from staph infections and stuff like that, has gotten stronger and stronger over the years. | ||
| Especially in hospitals, man. | ||
| There's a lot of people that catch MRSA from hospitals and they fucking wind up dying. | ||
| It's a big issue. | ||
| You guys are really depressing me. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Do you have a light? | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| So, we are in the final hours before the inauguration. | ||
| It's a crazy time. | ||
| I didn't think that I would be this... | ||
| I really thought after the election, I would wrap my head around it and I would be like, okay, this is normal. | ||
| Trump is going to be president. | ||
| Like I would have some sense of like, okay, I don't feel any more, um, uh, ready for this than I was the night after the election. | ||
| No, it's weird. | ||
| It's 100% weird. | ||
| I was watching this video that someone was playing on their Instagram page where they were there while Trump was walking into this room in D.C. and surrounded by Secret Service agents. | ||
| And all these sycophants and all these weird people around him, and this guy's yelling out, Thank you, Mr. Trump. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| You are a godsend, sir. | ||
| You are a god. | ||
| Andrew Santino, ladies and gentlemen, come on in. | ||
| Have a seat, fella. | ||
| You're coming in right at the time Jeff Ross is handing you a joint. | ||
| Oh, thank you, Jeff. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Santino, live Netflix special on the way. | ||
| Trump supporter, by the way. | ||
| He voted five times. | ||
| Huge, huge Trump supporter. | ||
| I voted as many times as I could. | ||
| I kept doing it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He had a fake ID, pretended to be Mexican. | |
| I did, actually. | ||
| Yeah, I became Andrew Santino. | ||
| So I switched it up. | ||
| Yeah, Santino. | ||
| Yeah, Santiago. | ||
| Yeah, big, big Trump supporter. | ||
| Fitz, you are, too. | ||
| Well, I'll just say right now, ladies, get your abortions before noon tomorrow. | ||
| Don't you think Trump's had a lot of girls get abortions? | ||
| I think he's going to back off of that. | ||
| Are you shitting me? | ||
| He's got a frequent fetus card. | ||
| Oh yeah, he's driven a few ladies off into the clinic. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| That's his thing. | ||
| Well, they were saying that about G.W. Bush, is that there was a pretty well-documented case when he was in college, where did he go to Texas or something? | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| He went to college? | ||
| He went to fucking Yale, didn't he? | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Warton School of Business, right? | ||
| No, that's Trump. | ||
| Talking about G.W. Oh, okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Didn't he? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he did go to Yale, didn't he? | ||
| He went to Yale, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, because he was in the Scull and Bones, right? | ||
| Yeah, G.W. All the Bushes went to Yale. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's one of those grandfathered in things, though, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| How about George and Barbara Bush doing double suicides? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You could have to go into the inauguration. | |
| What are they doing? | ||
| They're both in the hospital. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they're both dying right now. | ||
| Why don't we just stop taking our medication? | ||
| What do you think, Georgie? | ||
| Maybe we should stop taking our medical. | ||
| We won't have to go to the inauguration. | ||
| What medicine? | ||
| Who are you? | ||
| I want to go skydiving. | ||
| Why is Martha Washington in my bedroom? | ||
| Jeff, put that down. | ||
| I didn't see him for years, and then I saw him recently, and he was in a wheelchair on some interview and some video, and it made you realize, like, wow. | ||
| It's been a while since you saw him. | ||
| It's crazy to think that Carter's still alive and W is still alive. | ||
| How old's Carter? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's old. | |
| He was old when he was president in 76. Was he? | ||
| Yeah, he was already old. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was an interesting guy, man. | ||
| Carter didn't really get a fair shake. | ||
| Go to the Presidential Library. | ||
| Carter's in Atlanta is awesome. | ||
| You should check it out. | ||
| Well, I heard some speeches that he gave before when he was running for president. | ||
| Back when Hunter S. Thompson recorded a speech that he gave at one of those Washington's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it out? | |
| No. | ||
| You want some more of this? | ||
| I'm good. | ||
| I'm good too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| It was in that movie, Fear and Loathing. | ||
| Not Fear and Loathing, the other one. | ||
| Gonzo, the life and works of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, the documentary on him. | ||
| Really interesting, man. | ||
| Carter was a pretty intense and moral guy. | ||
| Very powerfully so. | ||
| He was a good Christian. | ||
| He was the good kind of Christian. | ||
| The good kind. | ||
| Well, because I think people can use Christianity as a way of feeling better then, or it can be a life of service. | ||
| And he was very much a life of service. | ||
| The way that my dad goes to church still, just because he just likes the people that are there more so than anything else. | ||
| He's like, I just want to go see fucking people that I've known for For 40 years. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's like, I don't really listen ever. | ||
| I mean, like, my dad is notorious to just falling asleep every single time. | ||
| Yeah, he's just there to, like, see some friends before and after. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a fucking, it's a club. | ||
| But do you think, I mean, because here's, I go back and forth on religion because it's so easy to take, like, the, uh... | ||
| You know, the agnostic root and say that all religion is evil and all that. | ||
| But it's like so much good shit has happened because of organized religion. | ||
| I mean, look at what the Jews have done in this country with just fucking hospitals alone. | ||
| And then you got Christians that have gone to Central America, you know, nuns that have fucking saved villages. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Yeah, there's tons of good stuff. | ||
| I think the cheap fucking route is to say that religion sucks just because that's an easy blanket to go, fuck religion, it's just caused every war, it's the worst thing. | ||
| It's like, yeah, there's a lot of fucking negatives to it. | ||
| You know, they blamed it on every war, but war is something that's caused by people. | ||
| People would have found a reason to go to war. | ||
| They go to war because they're apes. | ||
| They go to war because apes fight against apes. | ||
| It's like they're always dominating for that alpha position. | ||
| If they're blaming it on religion, it's just a convenient reason to go fuck somebody up. | ||
| They would have done it because they had diamonds or they'd do it for oil. | ||
| Yeah, that's the thing in Ireland. | ||
| They try to pretend that it's a war between the Protestants and the Catholics. | ||
| No, it's the fucking Brits trying to colonize and destroy a population of people. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| And people get tribal. | ||
| People will fight. | ||
| The fucking Raiders will fight the Eagles. | ||
| The fans will meet in the parking lot and have a fucking gang war. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's just what people do. | |
| For a shirt color. | ||
| That's just what people do. | ||
| Didn't they beat some guy almost to death? | ||
| Dodger Stadium. | ||
| Yeah, he put him in a coma. | ||
| Horrible, man. | ||
| San Francisco fan. | ||
| Some guy with his kid, right? | ||
| Yeah, kids. | ||
| He had his kids with him and two dudes just stopped him. | ||
| I think the kid was autistic. | ||
| Was he? | ||
| He just went for it. | ||
| I was going to say. | ||
| His instincts took over. | ||
| He was autistic, yeah. | ||
| It's just crazy how tribal people are. | ||
| And that's one of the things that you're seeing with this election, too. | ||
| Whether you're a Trump supporter or a Hillary supporter or a Bernie supporter, whatever, if you just can step back from it for a second and look at it objectively, what you're seeing is these people that are like blindly loyal to one side or the other. | ||
| And then you just see giant clumps of them that move in that direction. | ||
| And very few people who look at it and have a balanced perspective that's outside of an ideology. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Very few people are going, well, we got... | ||
| This guy who won a popularity contest, and he's the first actually popular person who won this popularity contest. | ||
| And everybody else who's been in this popularity contest has just been in this one select group. | ||
| So in that sense, it's a good thing because it's going to be a disruptive thing. | ||
| And this system is not good. | ||
| It's not good to have the same fucking families run the country over and over again. | ||
| Have the same bureaucracy, the same red tape, all the shit that people have had to deal with when it comes to politics. | ||
| It's not a perfect system. | ||
| And it's not getting improved. | ||
| And one of the reasons it doesn't get improved is because the people that run the system, they have a concerted... | ||
| There's a great benefit for them to keep the system in place. | ||
| There's plenty of jobs. | ||
| There's plenty of people doing it. | ||
| There's plenty of red tape. | ||
| There's plenty of confusion. | ||
| There's plenty of debate and influence and it goes back and forth from side to side and all that keeps it relevant and it keeps people from stopping and saying, why are there these two groups? | ||
| One is right and one is left. | ||
| One is conservative and one is liberal when most of us are a combination of all those things. | ||
| Well, not only that, it's all projections by the big business to say there's even a right and a left. | ||
| They're pulling the strings on both sides. | ||
| I remember coming around the store and listening to people at the beginning of Trump's campaign. | ||
| You know, like, vehemently hating him so much. | ||
| And that kind of, like, extremism was the same for, like, Bernie support. | ||
| Like, the Bernie chaos, like, the Bernie thing was crazy. | ||
| I mean, it was like the same kind of crazy, chaotic, like, fuck anybody but Bernie. | ||
| And the Trump supporters were the same way. | ||
| It was like, fuck anybody but Donald Trump. | ||
| It was like extremes on both sides. | ||
| And it's the same thing. | ||
| At some point, you're at a level playing, right? | ||
| Zero is the same as 100. You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, if I said... | ||
| If I said to a friend of mine, how gay are you on a percentage scale zero to 100, and if a guy says 100, okay, he's gay. | ||
| And then if a guy says, second guy says, oh yeah, I'm 48, I'd be like, okay, I get that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, Jeff. | ||
| Me. | ||
| But then if a guy says, I'm zero, fuck that. | ||
| It's the same as the 100 guy. | ||
| The extremism is the same. | ||
| It's just a different angle. | ||
| But there's not enough people that are 40% gay. | ||
| There's not enough people in the middle of it all. | ||
| Yeah, and a lot of people try to say, I actually really am independent. | ||
| And it's like, I wish, but then you talk to them a little bit, and they're on one side or the other. | ||
| It's very difficult because there's no truth anymore. | ||
| There's no paper. | ||
| It used to be like, if you watched CBS, NBC, ABC News, there was a journalistic integrity that they subscribed to, and both sides said, these are the facts. | ||
| There's no news outlet any longer that both sides... | ||
| Look at! | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a really important point. | ||
| I mean, it's very clear. | ||
| It's cut and dry. | ||
| How did that happen? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I'm curious to know when it happened. | ||
| At what time period of politics did that become? | ||
| The notion of the shift of an obvious, this is precisely who we're for, and it's clear. | ||
| I was watching CNN and Fox News back and forth after the debate. | ||
| And it was so fascinating, man. | ||
| It was like, who is telling the truth? | ||
| What is happening here? | ||
| These are two totally different stories. | ||
| And they're so clear on one side or the other. | ||
| Like Fox News... | ||
| Excuse me. | ||
| It was so clear on Trump's side. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And CNN was so clear on Hillary's side. | |
| It was so obvious. | ||
| They switched places in one day. | ||
| They were concentrating. | ||
| CNN and Fox News, they just switched places overnight. | ||
| Well, it's crazy how one of them became... | ||
| CNN's the fear network and Fox News is the reality. | ||
| Well, what news do you follow, Jeff? | ||
| I follow it all. | ||
| I don't follow any news. | ||
| I watch... | ||
| And read a lot of news. | ||
| You have like an aggregator on your phone that pulls from different news sources? | ||
| I just tend to search up topics. | ||
| Be curious what Chris Christie's up to this week. | ||
| Or Al Franken. | ||
| Or I'll just get someone on my mind. | ||
| Sometimes I'll go to Politico and usually there's a great angle that you hadn't thought of. | ||
| Politico and Guardian are good. | ||
| For different angles. | ||
| Yeah, Guardian's good. | ||
| Yeah, because they're... | ||
| You know, they're outside. | ||
| Well, originally, I guess there's a lot of their writers are Americans now, right? | ||
| Did you see the Guardian? | ||
| Initially it was UK. Are you okay? | ||
| You want some water? | ||
| Yeah, I'm good, dude. | ||
| I don't know what's going on. | ||
| That weed's strong. | ||
| Did you see that Guardian article by Glenn Greenwald about this unsubstantiated attacks on Trump? | ||
| It was really interesting. | ||
| What, like fake news? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he was talking about what Eisenhower warned about, the military industrial complex. | ||
| I was like, wow, this is a crazy, bold article. | ||
| And they predicted a Trump-like figure rising up. | ||
| Well, it's not just that. | ||
| He's talking about how the deep state is attacking Trump. | ||
| That's what he's bringing up, that the deep state is attacking him and going after him. | ||
| And that the CIA and the intelligence agencies, they're making some sort of a concerted effort. | ||
| To single him out and go after him and destroy his person. | ||
| Destroy his public persona. | ||
| And that's where all the urine thing came from. | ||
| When you get into politics, all this stuff blows up. | ||
| Those stories are crazy. | ||
| The FBI doesn't give a fuck about politics. | ||
| They care about the FBI. And if anybody crosses them the way Trump already has, they're going to try to bury him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, think about that. | ||
| When has there ever been a time where an unsubstantiated story about a guy who's the president-elect about peeing on beds? | ||
| When is there ever? | ||
| They've talked about that so openly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's been so open that his last press conference, he shut down the rumor by saying he's a germaphobe. | ||
| He's a germaphobe! | ||
| That's how massive of a story that is, that during one of the most important press conferences, he addressed that fucking thing. | ||
| He had to. | ||
| And it didn't stop there. | ||
| Then he went on to talk about, well, you know, everybody knows his camera's in the room. | ||
| I mean, you know, what am I, stupid? | ||
| It wasn't about, what am I, immoral? | ||
| It was, what am I, stupid? | ||
| That is so crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then you watch how he... | ||
| I don't think I've ever seen... | ||
| I mean, this might be me being ignorant, but I don't know if I've ever seen a president in a press conference or president-elect shut down a source like he did CNN and was like, I won't talk to you. | ||
| I don't know if I've ever seen a president single one out and then... | ||
| They probably slyly ignore certain journalists that they don't want to fucking talk to, but I've never seen one be like, I don't talk to CNN. I don't talk to that news source. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| Well, I think that there's a protocol for who you go to first. | ||
| For years, the first question always went to that one old woman from the Associated Press. | ||
| Yeah, from the AP, yeah. | ||
| She was always the first question. | ||
| And then after that, I think there was a certain pecking order to it. | ||
| And Trump just basically said... | ||
| I'm going to choose what news and questions you guys hear from now on. | ||
| The press corps is no longer traveling with him. | ||
| It's the first time a president has not had the press corps with him at all times. | ||
| His reasoning was, he was like, what are you going to watch me eat food? | ||
| That's what he thought that they were at. | ||
| He's like, no, they're interested in what's going on. | ||
| They're interested in what this conversation you might be having with someone of some sense of importance. | ||
| But he was like, I don't want you watching me do simple shit. | ||
| But that's just part of their fucking gig. | ||
| That's what they've always done. | ||
| And then I think about that. | ||
| How much simple shit have they seen where it's so annoying? | ||
| At some point, they've got to be like, fuck, this is so boring. | ||
| Especially when they get on Air Force One and they're going to fucking Russia for 10 hours and they're just sitting around so they can do a 30-second photo op and yell questions at them and then another 10-hour flight home. | ||
| Imagine one of the guys in the group is just like, I think I'm going to go talk to him. | ||
| The other guy's like, don't do it. | ||
| Don't go in his room, dude. | ||
| It's like, what? | ||
| I think we're cool now, man. | ||
| We've had some moments, you know? | ||
| I feel like, don't be that guy. | ||
| And then the rest of the nine-hour plane flight is fucking miserable. | ||
| When he was praising Kanye West for supporting him, I remember watching that on TV and going, is this real life? | ||
| Yeah, it was a trip. | ||
| Is this real life? | ||
| Wait, I read the greatest, I wish I know the source, just because I don't want to fucking say somebody else's shit, but there was just a meme floating around on the internet that said, I bet you, eight years ago, when Obama gained presidency, there were so many fucking extremists going, I bet you the first people he's going to talk to are rappers and Steve Harvey. | ||
| laughter And then you see Trump just drags in rappers. | ||
| I loved it. | ||
| I was like, that's so fucking true. | ||
| How many white extremists were like, he's going to talk to rappers in the White House and it's Trump that's doing it? | ||
| It's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's so funny. | |
| Who else is he talking to? | ||
| Who else is he publicly talking to? | ||
| Don King. | ||
| Don King. | ||
| Yeah, he loves Don King. | ||
| But they've had a relationship in the past. | ||
| So they go back. | ||
| So this is almost like he gets to invite his actual friends into this world. | ||
| Do you remember when Obama was in trouble? | ||
| All his friends are getting ambassadorships. | ||
| It's going to be crazy. | ||
| No, not Christy. | ||
| Christie's getting nothing. | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| I don't mean his political friends. | ||
| I mean his friends. | ||
| Yeah, his life friends. | ||
| His lawyer, his buddies. | ||
| Do you guys remember when it was a big deal that Obama was attached to that really radical professor who was one of the weathermen? | ||
| Is that what it was? | ||
| Is that what they called themselves? | ||
| And they were doing acid and having orgies and shit and robbing banks or something. | ||
| And he was a part of that in some way. | ||
| And he was a professor that Obama knew in college. | ||
| And it was always this big controversy that he knew this radical terrorist. | ||
| That Obama is like some fucking sleeper guy. | ||
| No, but he did have to distance himself from the guy because the guy did have some very pro-secession. | ||
| What do they call it? | ||
| The blacks that think you should return to Africa and whites should pay for it. | ||
| He was one of those guys. | ||
| Secessionist? | ||
| Yeah, I guess that would be. | ||
| Secessionist? | ||
| Secessionist. | ||
| Secession, right? | ||
| Secession, yeah, to secede. | ||
| So, no, he had to back off from that guy. | ||
| But it's, what about the guy who marched? | ||
| Have you guys seen his brother? | ||
| Do you know about his brother on fucking Twitter? | ||
| Obama's brother. | ||
| Do you know this account? | ||
| Have you heard about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| There's like a guy who's saying he's his brother and he's like, I don't support him, I support Trump. | ||
| You haven't seen this? | ||
| He's pretending to be his brother? | ||
| You saw this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, this is... | ||
| He's a half-brother. | ||
| He's a half-brother. | ||
| That is fake news. | ||
| It probably is. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I saw Obama talking about fake news. | ||
| He was talking about it, too. | ||
| I think that was fake. | ||
| But Trump was fucking talking... | ||
| Trump was talking to this dude, like... | ||
| Thanks for the support. | ||
| Thanks for not supporting your half-brother. | ||
| Well, I mean, you want to talk about fake news. | ||
| How about Trump ran around for three years saying that fucking Obama wasn't born in this country? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| That was crazy! | ||
| I mean, that was the beginning of fake news. | ||
| Let me see his ID. Yeah. | ||
| Let me see his birth certificate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then the irony, now Trump won't show his fucking taxes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He won't, and because his excuse is, even after the audit's over, what do people need to see now? | ||
| Like, That's the reasoning. | ||
| What do you want to see? | ||
| If I get audited and I fucking deal with the government through the audit, what do you need to know other than we're taking care of it? | ||
| I think people want to know how much money he has borrowed from China and Russia. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because that could really affect his policy decisions. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| I thought that that was like one of the things that you had to divulge your income. | ||
| You do. | ||
| Wasn't that a deal with Howard? | ||
| That's why Howard didn't eventually like really run for governor after a certain point because they wanted him to divulge his taxes. | ||
| That's how they found out he hasn't paid his taxes. | ||
| He doesn't pay taxes because of his major loss a long time ago. | ||
| Oh, that was that weird thing, right? | ||
| The Atlantic City Laws? | ||
| He had to make some disclosure, but it's a general summary of his income. | ||
| It would also say how much... | ||
| It's like where he has money in certain types of ways, but it's not his income taxes where you know what he spent on phone calls and security and everything. | ||
| It's just investments and shit. | ||
| It would also tell you how much he's donated to charity, which he doesn't want people to know. | ||
| Uh-uh. | ||
| I mean, he created his own charitable, what do you call it? | ||
| Charity. | ||
| Yeah, charitable fund. | ||
| Charitable charity. | ||
| Charitable charity. | ||
| And apparently he hasn't given any money to it in like two or three years. | ||
| It's just been money he solicited from people on the outside to give to his charity that then he disperses. | ||
| Yeah, that's so crazy. | ||
| But that's the whole thing. | ||
| Then do we know that that's real too? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would like to think that's got to be true, but then I'm like, I don't know. | ||
| No, because they can solicit the records of his charity. | ||
| Of the non-profit. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| But they can't do it for his personal and private. | ||
| That's so nuts. | ||
| Game over. | ||
| He'll be president for 20 years. | ||
| He's going to change it? | ||
| He's going to step aside, let his buddy take over like Putin did in Russia, and then eventually one of his kids or something. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Hello. | ||
| Game over. | ||
| Get on board. | ||
| Game over. | ||
| You really think so? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Chris Rock was saying that on stage, or a bit wrapped around that. | ||
| It was very funny. | ||
| And I was stopping at the thing. | ||
| I was like, we're all laughing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But if something like that did happen, if it wasn't Trump, if it was somebody like that, maybe it's the next guy to figure out how to do it like that. | ||
| We essentially exposed the personality contest. | ||
| You expose the flaw in it. | ||
| You're not looking for the best leader. | ||
| You're looking for the person who's got the best personality for the job. | ||
| The person who's got the best story. | ||
| It's a reality show. | ||
| Which is why he fucking won. | ||
| Scott Adams, the guy who wrote Dilbert, he's a really, really smart guy. | ||
| And he predicted Trump winning a long time ago. | ||
| And the reason why he predicted it, he said he's the most persuasive guy I've ever seen. | ||
| He's incredibly persuasive. | ||
| He just understands the art of persuasion extremely well. | ||
| And he's like, just if you looked at it mathematically, this guy has a really good chance, and he predicted he was going to be president. | ||
| And people gave him so much shit. | ||
| And he doesn't even vote. | ||
| He's a really interesting guy. | ||
| Very, very smart guy. | ||
| And he wasn't saying that Trump was going to be president because he was this big Trump supporter, and he was... | ||
| It wasn't that. | ||
| He was looking at it pragmatically. | ||
| He was like, this guy has incredible abilities of persuasion. | ||
| Well, he's broken every single rule. | ||
| Every conventional wisdom about running for president, he broke and won. | ||
| So now it's like, like you said, Jeff, who fucking knows? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| There's nothing normal anymore. | ||
| Do you think he gets two terms easy and then... | ||
| After that, he's just going to line up people. | ||
| Then there's no more terms. | ||
| No more terms. | ||
| No more terms. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Then it's just... | ||
| There's no more voting. | ||
| You really think so? | ||
| I feel like it's going to get interesting. | ||
| I feel like he locks up his own military. | ||
| It's going to start... | ||
| He's already marginalized the press. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's told his followers that the press is lying. | |
| You're not arresting him. | ||
| You're not impeaching him. | ||
| He's staying in the White House for like two nights a week. | ||
| He's not moving into that place. | ||
| He's not even moving to fucking D.C. He's going to stay in New York. | ||
| He's having a satellite White House in New York City. | ||
| He wants a satellite in Manhattan. | ||
| You should have seen the video. | ||
| The way he operates, there's no way he's going to the White House and having all that around him. | ||
| No chance. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| You know what's so funny? | ||
| I think for a little while, to make it look good, but... | ||
| I am fucking freaking out right now. | ||
| People in New York are bullshit about the traffic around us. | ||
| But then again, he might like it there and stay. | ||
| I could see him going, you know what? | ||
| It's not so bad. | ||
| He likes it when he can rub elbows with famous people. | ||
| That's what's so funny about this inauguration weekend for him is that he couldn't get any celebrities and that's all he really cares about. | ||
| That was the most important thing. | ||
| And then he got that one young... | ||
| They offered it to that one young singer, that chick, and she said, I'll do it. | ||
| If I can sing... | ||
| Oh, what is that fucking song? | ||
| It's about slavery in America and about black people swinging from the trees. | ||
| Sweet Home Alabama? | ||
| Yes, that's the one. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But she basically was like, I'll do it if you let me sing this song. | ||
| And of course they were like, no, absolutely not. | ||
| But she was just like, I'll come do it. | ||
| Because every artist in the world was like, I'm not singing there. | ||
| Absolutely not. | ||
| No chance, no chance, no chance. | ||
| How strange is that? | ||
| Have you ever heard anything like that? | ||
| Where there's no artist that you know about that want to go to that? | ||
| There's one country guy and he's fucking nuts. | ||
| Who's the country guy? | ||
| What was the country guy's name who sang? | ||
| Is it Hank Williams Jr.? | ||
| Leo Greenwood or whatever? | ||
| No. | ||
| No, bigger. | ||
| This guy's huge. | ||
| Toby Keith. | ||
| Toby Keith? | ||
| That guy's fucking massive. | ||
| He's massive. | ||
| I think it was tonight, actually. | ||
| Colby Teeth? | ||
| Colby Teeth! | ||
| It's Colby Keith, Lee Greenwood, and Three Doors Down were the main. | ||
| Three Doors Down. | ||
| They're every band you've never heard. | ||
| They have that one song. | ||
| They have one big star. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Roseanne Barr is singing the national anthem. | ||
| That's a good song. | ||
| Is she really? | ||
| Yeah, but they're done. | ||
| They're done. | ||
| That's a good song. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I go crazy, man, will you still call me Superman? | |
| Is that it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| If I go crazy... | ||
| Yeah, it is a good song. | ||
| Are they going to sing that for him? | ||
| You know, they had a Bruce Springsteen cover band booked and they fucking cancelled. | ||
| Yeah, you didn't hear about this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Sorry, Don. | ||
| We're born to run. | ||
| Well, they were going to do it, and then they got so much shit from their fans, and then they said, we're stepping down out of respect to the boss. | ||
| Is that what they said? | ||
| Did he issue a statement? | ||
| Did the boss say anything about it? | ||
| I don't think he had to. | ||
| The boss is not like Trump. | ||
| I was wondering if he publicly made a statement about the cover band playing. | ||
| No, I think Bruce's fans were very vocal with these guys. | ||
| Everybody who probably got an email about some fucking gig is like, I turned it down. | ||
| These guys were signed up. | ||
| But that is a good play. | ||
| That's a good publicity move. | ||
| Yeah, it is. | ||
| I bet you could find a comic that would do it in a heartbeat. | ||
| Who do you think would do it? | ||
| I'm sure there's a bunch of people that would do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Brody Stevens would do it. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I heard Marlee Maitland is going to sing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard that. | |
| Like, what is that? | ||
| I heard they got David Bowie. | ||
| I'm going to go. | ||
| They're going to get holograms. | ||
| Celebrities against their will. | ||
| That's what he would do. | ||
| He'd get a prince hologram. | ||
| I know this. | ||
| For the inaugural parade, Secret Service is on high alert in case Donald tries to attack somebody. | ||
| Why didn't Kanye play it? | ||
| He's at another inauguration. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He said he's not American enough or something. | |
| What? | ||
| I'll find the quote real quick. | ||
| Even the people that are doing it are not necessarily saying they support Trump. | ||
| They're saying that they're supporting patriotism. | ||
| They need the money. | ||
| They need the money. | ||
| Toby Keith's supporting Trump. | ||
| He is. | ||
| He came up on stage with a red Dixie cup and cheered him. | ||
| Did a big cheers. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| He's not traditionally American enough is sort of the quote they said. | ||
| Who said that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Trump's team that was asked, the inauguration committee, that Kanye is not American enough. | |
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
| What does that even mean? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Not American enough? | ||
| Look at Kid Rock. | ||
| I'm surprised Kid Rock didn't do it. | ||
| How is Kid Rock not on the card? | ||
| I don't know what kind of show you think this is. | ||
| Anyone they can get. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who knows? | |
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| Did you guys see this? | ||
| Ted Nugent grabbing his dick at the Trump rally? | ||
| Oh, he was there? | ||
| Have you not seen this video? | ||
| He was grabbing his dick? | ||
| No, this was up in Michigan. | ||
| This is a great video of Ted Nugent. | ||
| If you have never seen this... | ||
|
unidentified
|
...born and raised to be a productive American in the asset column by that spirit of real Michigan. | |
| That spirit of the greatest state in the nation, they should not, we must not let it get lumpy. | ||
| He's dressed like a fisherman in a rally. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you have that? | |
| In Illinois, in New York. | ||
| New York and New Jersey and Maryland and Massachusetts. | ||
| I got your blue state right here. | ||
| He just grabbed his dick and he said, I got your blue state right here, baby. | ||
| Ted Nugent, baby. | ||
| He's very happy. | ||
| You're a big Nugent fan. | ||
| Love to. | ||
| Cat scratch fever. | ||
| Dude, Stranglehold. | ||
| Great fucking song. | ||
| I got your blue state right here. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| Someone Funny or Die did a thing where they kept zooming in on him grabbing his penis to accentuate the physical hold of his penis. | ||
| Oh, he actually went for it? | ||
| Yeah, no, no. | ||
| He physically grabs it. | ||
| It looks like he's holding onto a lighter. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| And they fucking kept punching in on it to show him doing it. | ||
| When did he do that? | ||
| When did that take place? | ||
| This was at a rally in, I think it's Michigan. | ||
| Do you have it up there? | ||
| Really recently? | ||
| I'm going to see. | ||
| I just got it sent. | ||
| That happened along the campaign trail. | ||
| Yeah, it was on the campaign trail. | ||
| It was a while ago. | ||
| Yeah, it was a while ago. | ||
| I was doing a late crazy thing. | ||
| The victory tour. | ||
| How do you win the election and then go to the states you won? | ||
| Wouldn't you go to the states that you lost and see what they have to say? | ||
| Yeah, this is a different experience. | ||
| And then going after SNL's cast members, that was kind of weird. | ||
| Every week, not just once. | ||
| Well, Alec Baldwin's one thing you would ever go after, but you go, and the cast isn't funny. | ||
| I was like, oh, jeez. | ||
| 23-year-old first job, now the president is saying on his Twitter that I'm not funny? | ||
| I think the beauty of it is it's just fuel for the fire. | ||
| He doesn't have to go to the cast. | ||
| How can he say? | ||
| I think SNL's benefiting from that. | ||
| I think it's fantastic. | ||
| Oh, it's great for them. | ||
| If I were him, I would tweet next week. | ||
| Now that's funny. | ||
| They got me. | ||
| He should make like he was just being tough. | ||
| Well, the thing about this country is we love it when we hate somebody and then we like them again. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So all he has to do is that. | ||
| All he has to do is put out some positive tweets and be conciliatory and then watch the country just sweep him up in the road. | ||
| Look at what happened to Bush after 9-11. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| He had the lowest favorability rating of any president in history. | ||
| And after 9-11, he shot up to like 80%. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I remember that. | ||
| They said Trump has the lowest incoming president-elect approval rating in the history. | ||
| How do they compile that? | ||
| That's a very good question. | ||
| I've always wondered. | ||
| I was like, how do they compile? | ||
| Who are they asking? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who's taking polls? | ||
| People that take polls. | ||
| That's what they're doing. | ||
| Well, that's like the same people that projected the election to go to Hillary. | ||
| Well, what's interesting is they were right. | ||
| Why do we trust them anymore? | ||
| No, but they were right if it was a popular vote. | ||
| They actually were right. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| It just shows how crazy the electoral college system is. | ||
| But he said, no, it should be a popular vote. | ||
| He goes, that's a different race, though. | ||
| He conceded that it's better to have it be the popular vote. | ||
| But he would have run a different campaign. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| That's not the game. | ||
| He goes, the game is the electoral college vote, and that's the game we played, and we won by a landslide. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| He played it like a game. | ||
| They played it like this thing that they've been doing over and over and over again. | ||
| They fucked up in that they rigged it for so long that their popularity contest got taken over by someone who's actually popular, like an actual famous person. | ||
| He knows how to become more popular. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| He understands that some people know the formula of just how to do that. | ||
| He knows how to fucking do it. | ||
| And he's rich as fuck. | ||
| And he doesn't have to do what they want him to do. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| He can finance his own campaign. | ||
| He gets there. | ||
| He gets pressed by talking mad shit and getting people to talk about him. | ||
| He knows how to do it. | ||
| Here's the thing that I'm confused about. | ||
| What's the overall vision? | ||
| What is Trumpism? | ||
| If you think about democratic What's Trumpcratic? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Small government. | ||
| Well, I mean, I think his truths are to make sure taxes are low for people that are earning a lot so he can... | ||
| Those people can stabilize that market that they're already in. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| That people don't have to sacrifice at the top. | ||
| I think he's pretty clear about that. | ||
| He wants to lower the fuck out of business tax. | ||
| He wants that to go low. | ||
| So he's saying, zero government. | ||
| Let these people fucking govern themselves. | ||
| Let small businesses... | ||
| That's his whole campaign. | ||
| Is to keep money up top where it is. | ||
| And fucking let pockets that are pretty thick stay thick. | ||
| I think he's pretty transparent about that. | ||
| That seems to be a thing that he's... | ||
| Pretty obvious about. | ||
| I think he wants the rich to stay rich. | ||
| And he's not afraid of saying it. | ||
| And for some reason, people that are poor are like, I like it. | ||
| I like what he's going for. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's going to be very, very interesting. | ||
| I'm really curious to see how this plays out. | ||
| Oh, it's going to be interesting. | ||
| There's no doubt about that. | ||
| I mean, it's like any other time when I'm not happy about what's going on politically, I just put my head in the sand for a while and I go, I'll just check in in a few months. | ||
| But I cannot stop reading on my phone in the papers. | ||
| This is like we're living through a part of history that's probably more turbulent than any other presidential transition. | ||
| Except for Johnson and Kennedy. | ||
| This is like a big... | ||
| Metaphorical question, but because of, like, Obama lived through the age of, like, the bursting of the internet space and its involvement in politics, you know, of, like, Twitter and Instagram and all this shit. | ||
| This is bigger. | ||
| This is even bigger than that. | ||
| America's midlife breakdown right now. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is us bottoming out. | ||
| Halfway. | ||
| This is the halfway point. | ||
| I hope we got another 200 years. | ||
| I think Trump is president for 20 years or three days. | ||
| Or it's like something terrible happens. | ||
| But do you think... | ||
| Do you worry about something terrible? | ||
| Sorry to interrupt you. | ||
| Yeah, because I think he had a real control over his message in America. | ||
| You know, he has friends who own the tabloids. | ||
| I remember flying with him. | ||
| Never mind. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| I remember flying with him once. | ||
| No, fuck you. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| You can't just fly past that. | ||
| Some of his best friends own tabloids. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And those are his boys. | ||
| It's like the Koch family. | ||
| They had all the bad stories locked up, but now when it starts happening in Russia and stuff, he doesn't have quite the hold on it. | ||
| People can really get to him. | ||
| He's not young. | ||
| Yeah, I worry about something bad happening. | ||
| It may not end well for him. | ||
| It's really a tricky one. | ||
| Another part of me says, get behind it because you're going to be around for the rest of my life. | ||
| The Glenn Greenwald thing is an interesting angle though because Glenn Greenwald is a really respected journalist. | ||
| He's the guy who exposed WikiLeaks. | ||
| He's a guy who a lot of people go to and he's not without his criticisms. | ||
| I mean, a lot of people criticize him. | ||
| He's had this ongoing feud with Sam Harris. | ||
| But if you look at what he's talking about here, if there's any shred of truth to it, that you're seeing this old institution attack this new incoming guy and do it in a foolish way that actually kind of strengthens This disbelief that people have in the news. | ||
| If they make up some crazy story and you hear CNN talking about it and all these other people talking about it, unsubstantiated reports that involve lewd activities and golden showers, who the fuck is doing this? | ||
| Who's doing this? | ||
| What are you trying to do? | ||
| Because by doing this, especially when it looks obvious and dumb like that did, it makes his case look stronger. | ||
| It's almost like something that he would do to attack himself. | ||
| That's like how Nero burnt Rome. | ||
| You might do something like that, attack yourself so that you look vulnerable. | ||
| Do you think he did that? | ||
| No, I don't. | ||
| He's not that true, but what he's great at is a counterpuncher. | ||
| I've been living in New York City during his entire reign of popularity. | ||
| He's a great counterpuncher. | ||
| So if something happens... | ||
| Even if you perceive it as bad for him, he knows how to work that. | ||
| That's what he talked about with Kanye West. | ||
| When he was talking about Kanye. | ||
| And I saw him do that every time. | ||
| A friend would say, oh boy, this is really going to sink him. | ||
| And I'd go, watch. | ||
| But you can't run a country like that. | ||
| You can win an office, but you can't. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| Who knows what he's going to do? | ||
| I'm just super curious. | ||
| He probably knows, but we don't know. | ||
| You know, if you're right about saying that he's never going to leave, then obviously that's going to become a problem. | ||
| But if you're not right about it, and he does manage to show some flaws in the system and expose them, Then it could be great, sure. | ||
| No one else is going to do it other than Bernie. | ||
| If Bernie won, and obviously they were conspiring to keep Bernie out, but if Bernie won, we could have seen some really weird changes in the system. | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| And overall, he would be a mood shifter. | ||
| Like, Bernie would be a guy that is like... | ||
| Like, that's kind of what a lot of people are looking for. | ||
| Someone who's not money-oriented. | ||
| Someone who's like for the people. | ||
| Someone who lives a fairly simple life for a guy like that. | ||
| Someone who's never... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like the Pope. | |
| When the Pope got in, you were like, oh, he cares about the poor. | ||
| Bernie was like the Pope. | ||
| They became friends, the whole thing. | ||
| Yeah, like the Pope got rid of that throne. | ||
| He went with a more... | ||
| Casual dress. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In a lot of ways, what Bernie would have represented, I think, is someone who's not of the same cloth as we're used to. | ||
| Someone who's concerned about equality across the board. | ||
| The system's broken. | ||
| The system's broken. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| No, that's it. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| The system's broken. | ||
| Instead of the guy who should or the woman who should or could have, they're fighting the wrong game all the time. | ||
| Hillary was probably a great, smart person. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, you drift into distractions and she's trying to... | ||
| But there's also the... | ||
| And then something weird happens. | ||
| Like the wiring goes haywire and the guy who's the most popular at something completely different gets in there on a freak of nature. | ||
| He also stands... | ||
| I mean, this country's gone through in 50 years... | ||
| You can't tell me it's not amusing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's definitely amusing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a little part of glee in your heart where it goes, what? | ||
| The Supreme Court? | ||
| It's like seeing the whole thing. | ||
| As comedians, I think we all have something to talk about for the next four years. | ||
| It made everyone's life a lot more interesting all of a sudden. | ||
| But don't you think that there's a certain amount of intimidation about criticizing him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, there's some real intimidation that comes from him. | ||
| He's a legitimate, powerful man. | ||
| Would you want to be on his enemies list? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Fucking no. | ||
| No. | ||
| It'd be horrible. | ||
| And everybody feels like that. | ||
| And with great power comes great responsibility. | ||
| And that's one of the things that people are really terrified of with a guy like that. | ||
| Because he's got so much power and so much influence. | ||
| He didn't used to. | ||
| He was a joke in a weird way to a lot of people. | ||
| But I always knew that he could actually do things. | ||
| Like when you see him in New York, you go, all of a sudden, you're like, holy shit, there's a tower there that was not there. | ||
| People think he's willy-nilly, like shooting from the hip. | ||
| He's patient. | ||
| Builds buildings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| When I grew up in New York, when he was a celebrity in New York and not the country, he was just a slumlord. | ||
| We talked about him in my family. | ||
| He was a guy who had suits against him. | ||
| He owned projects, and it was pretty well known back then that he was a slumlord. | ||
| Twitter's a hobby for him. | ||
| I think building is his occupation. | ||
| That's a really hard thing to do. | ||
| I remember the skating ring popping up and he was always talking about taking over swaths of land in New York when you were lucky to get a little apartment somewhere. | ||
| This guy was going to buy where the trains were, the subways used to be. | ||
| It's like, you were in awe of that. | ||
| You couldn't help it. | ||
| And his politics didn't emerge until much later. | ||
| He just kind of kept it cool and was just like a playboy and a personality. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| You know, it was like a kick to see him around. | ||
| He always loved a good joke. | ||
| You know, he was generous. | ||
| So, I get it. | ||
| A lot of smart, rich New Yorkers. | ||
| I'm not surprised. | ||
| Some of the smartest, most successful people I know in New York supported him. | ||
| Do you think, though, that the level of responsibility that you have when you become the president, the amount of power that you have, do you think that anybody can really manage that correctly? | ||
| It's a ridiculous position, and this is one of the things it's exposing. | ||
| This is exposing how ridiculous the position is, that you could get someone who's just this one popular person that gets into place and run this entire thing. | ||
| Like, one person running anything is crazy. | ||
| Well, are we overstating how much the president really runs? | ||
| Look what he's doing. | ||
| No, but I'm saying once you're in office, do you think president has as much power as people... | ||
| We're going to find out what kind of power he has. | ||
| Because look what he's doing. | ||
| Look what you're talking about with the press corps. | ||
| Look what you're talking about with... | ||
| You don't just get power. | ||
| You accumulate power. | ||
| He's accumulating leverage and power. | ||
| And by putting people around him that he wants. | ||
| Fascinating. | ||
| He can't operate without his family. | ||
| He's always going to have his family around. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| You don't just suddenly tell an IndyCar driver, tomorrow you're driving a NASCAR. He's been doing it a certain way. | ||
| Yeah, but his son and his daughter, or his two sons, they can't advise him on policy because they're running his companies. | ||
| They have to never have a conversation with him again about the businesses or politics. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, sure. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Yeah, like, come on. | ||
| That sounds so ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, there's no fucking way. | ||
| But even if that's how it is, it's still his family. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so weird that they won't let him talk to him about it. | |
| He got it. | ||
| He's going to be the richest guy in history. | ||
| He's going to be a mythical figure. | ||
| Do you hear about some oligarch that got arrested and said that he thinks Putin's the richest guy in history? | ||
| Am I wrong? | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| He will become... | ||
| You're going to bet against it? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| He'll become bigger, larger than... | ||
| This will make him larger than life. | ||
| It'll just be like a fucking... | ||
| It will be a myth. | ||
| If there's a huge scandal... | ||
| It's not going away. | ||
| He's got a million kids and family. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If you think about what's come out in the last year... | ||
| Scandal makes him stronger. | ||
| Billy Bush got fucking trampled on the bus thing. | ||
| I think it just made him stronger. | ||
| Do you think if this whole story about the Russian prostitutes pissing on him got corroborated, do you think it would hurt him? | ||
| I read someone said that they thought he fucking started that shit. | ||
| I was like, that's a fucking interesting angle. | ||
| What if he was like, yeah, that's what Joe was saying. | ||
| That's what I was just saying. | ||
| How high are you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hi. | ||
| Well, I don't think that's the case, but I do think that... | ||
| But he knows how to turn that stuff around pretty quickly. | ||
| Yeah, those attacks are foolish. | ||
| So you've already proven that he's Kevlar. | ||
| He got past Grab the Pussy. | ||
| There's no video. | ||
| But then, conversely, then you can't do anything then. | ||
| So what's the legitimate thing that you can come out about him? | ||
| If you present real facts... | ||
| They get kind of pushed away. | ||
| If you present these crazy news stories, it just fuels the fire. | ||
| So what do you do then? | ||
| It's a good question. | ||
| What does the opposition do? | ||
| Because anything they come up with is either fake news to him or it's something crazy that makes people go, dude, how funny was that they pissed on that fucking bed that Obama... | ||
| I mean, then it becomes like a social bit. | ||
| The worst thing that could take place is that people decide while he's in power that he can't be in power. | ||
| People decide that there can't be a president anymore. | ||
| We've decided as a nation that we're going to abolish this and we're going to start a whole new system of government. | ||
| That is where shit could get really crazy. | ||
| That would get crazy. | ||
| That's what Susan Sarandon wants. | ||
| Does she want that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Remember when he was running for president, he said, she goes, maybe Trump should win because maybe it's time we do have a revolution in the streets. | ||
| Maybe we need to change it. | ||
| It's like, yeah, that's easy to say when you're on the fifth and a five-story brownstone with guards, you know, not fucking living in the projects during a revolution. | ||
| It's harder for a rich person to say that. | ||
| A poor person has nothing to lose and would call for revolution, but when a rich person does it, I think she's got something. | ||
| Do you think they'd be coming for her first? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| When I talked to Trump, somebody said, how'd you do that? | ||
| He's like Hitler. | ||
| I go, if he's Hitler, you'll be glad I'm friends with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Otherwise, I'm giving up your fucking home address. | |
| Man. | ||
| Well, it's bizarre, too, because he's actually publicly in support of Putin. | ||
| And he talks about Putin being a smart guy. | ||
| He's a businessman, so he talks with whoever he's been friends with. | ||
| That's how it works. | ||
| None of this should be taken away from him or a surprise. | ||
| He'll figure all that out. | ||
| But he can't pretend that these aren't his pals. | ||
| If you meet somebody famous once or twice and they're nice to you, that's all he's... | ||
| Plus, he's... | ||
| His stuff is deep. | ||
| He would go over there. | ||
| He would bring TV shows there. | ||
| All that stuff is – we're a client. | ||
| We're another piece of commerce in his portfolio of how he does business. | ||
| So when he picks up the phone and he knows some guy in Japan, of course he's going to mention his properties. | ||
| That's how he gets going. | ||
| That's how he gets going. | ||
| What if that works? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, that's what Putin did. | ||
| What if that's a better system? | ||
| Yeah, Putin used government and private ownership to amass fortunes and then get his friends' fortunes. | ||
| It's almost going to take something like this to make people realize that this is a ridiculous system. | ||
| I mean, otherwise we would never figure it out. | ||
| We'd just still look for a better and better version of the impossible person. | ||
| Maybe it's a great system. | ||
| Maybe we're all looking at it wrong. | ||
| We've tested it. | ||
| Anybody can become president. | ||
| Well, maybe it is a good system because it's got that and it's got all the checks and balances in place. | ||
| Maybe it is a good system because of all the bureaucracy. | ||
| It's like something beyond politics and what's right and wrong. | ||
| I've heard that argued before. | ||
| Dynasty is not the right thing, so it's time for... | ||
| Civilization had a great run. | ||
| What else you got? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, what's crazy is that it's as dark as it can fucking get. | |
| See, here's the thing. | ||
| There are wars going on right now. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| There's wars going on right now. | ||
| And we'll always say... | ||
| How about a fucking waitress? | ||
| Down here? | ||
| Fucking wars going on. | ||
| No drink. | ||
| But there's wars going on right now. | ||
| But they're just not going on right here. | ||
| Are we just naive? | ||
| Are we naive to not understand the danger... | ||
| I think it might be coming. | ||
| You really think so? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What would stop it at this point? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude. | |
| I don't think anything is... | ||
| Like a war with Russia? | ||
| There aren't a lot of barriers. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| What would England or France or Germany? | ||
| No. | ||
| Why would we go to war with Germany or France or England? | ||
| Anything's possible. | ||
| Leaking? | ||
| Cyber warfare? | ||
| Yeah, cyber warfare is what it's all about. | ||
| We had natural boundaries before, but now you see that they can hack into the FBI and the CIA and fucking, you know... | ||
| There's a known unknown now. | ||
| Don't presume anything. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, here's the scenario. | ||
| What would be the ideal way, outside of a dictator, what would be the ideal way to run a nation? | ||
| What would be better than having this one alpha that we keep putting in place? | ||
| Which seems pretty ridiculous at this point. | ||
| It seems like we might have fucked up and got a super alpha in there. | ||
| Well, I don't think that the framers of the Constitution didn't see the presidency as being such a big deal. | ||
| He was kind of a lead administrator, but he wasn't supposed to be the be-all, end-all of power in this country. | ||
| So I think we probably want to ratchet that position down a little bit. | ||
| That's what they told the guy that they didn't give it to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is not even that cool of a thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's just a weekend thing. | ||
| You don't want to do that. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| You want to get in there and write the laws, right? | ||
| You don't want to be kissing babies and going to photo ops, sketch ops. | ||
| I don't know what kind of photo ops they had back then. | ||
| Were you a Bernie supporter? | ||
| No, I was kind of a pragmist about it. | ||
| I wasn't a supporter of anybody except... | ||
| I'm pretty much... | ||
| I was against Trump winning. | ||
| So anybody but Trump type of thing, right? | ||
| Yeah, so I'd love to say my wife was a big Bernie supporter. | ||
| I would like to say I was, but I think I was betting on the best horse. | ||
| But I thought it was the best horse. | ||
| It was actually, you didn't even make the bet, but you had a horse in mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And it didn't win. | ||
| It was like, well, but you didn't lose any money. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I can't sit here and say, for all the bad things I say about Trump, I can't sit here and tell you that I was passionate about Hillary or that I even like her. | ||
| I just saw it as the lesser of two evils. | ||
| Yeah, you saw her as business as usual, not business way worse. | ||
| That's exactly right. | ||
| It seemed like it was just another thing. | ||
| Woman president, huge, great. | ||
| Has the relationships that exist that we already know. | ||
| So you're like, okay. | ||
| It was almost like, yeah, the assistant coach has been there for a while. | ||
| That's what it felt like in my brain that was going to happen. | ||
| But I gotta say, I was shooting the night that people were watching it. | ||
| And of course, we're here in Los Angeles. | ||
| Like, fucking not one of those crew members isn't hardcore left. | ||
| And we watched people watching it on their phones. | ||
| And, like, their reactions were, like, complete confusion. | ||
| It was crazy to watch from this perspective. | ||
| And I wonder what it was like watching from, like... | ||
| Michigan. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Greg and I did a live podcast. | ||
| Oh yeah, that was crazy. | ||
| Yeah, we did a live podcast with Burr and Stan Hope and Bert Kreischer. | ||
| Oh, I saw it on YouTube after. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
| It was chaos. | ||
| It is chaos. | ||
| I bailed. | ||
| I couldn't handle it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was so crazy. | |
| Well, because first of all, they're fucking... | ||
| Passing joints around the whole time. | ||
| I thought, this is a celebration party. | ||
| Yeah, why not? | ||
| I didn't realize I was going to go into the most confusing moment of my life. | ||
| And I just bailed. | ||
| As soon as it looked like it was going to Trump, all of a sudden, I look up and Joe's fucking laughing and Stan Hope is carrying on. | ||
| I'm like, there's nothing funny anymore. | ||
| And I just went and I sat in my car in front of my house for like two hours. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Jesus Christ, dude, you're bumming me out. | ||
| I know. | ||
| We were having fun. | ||
| I know you were. | ||
| You guys were having fun. | ||
| It was just Burr killing for like four hours. | ||
| Yeah, he was on fire that night. | ||
| He was on fire. | ||
| And then when weed became legal and Burr took a hit, he doesn't smoke pot. | ||
| He went right in there. | ||
| It was amazing. | ||
| The whole fucking room. | ||
| Somebody came out from, Bert Kreischer, I think, came from the back and he announced that pot was now legal in California. | ||
| And three out of four people in the audience immediately lit up and there was a cloud of smoke that just took over the room. | ||
| This is the photo from the actual moment. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| The Troy Conrads took this photo of the moment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Bert's running around. | ||
| And there's all these people in the front row. | ||
| We all go crazy right here. | ||
| Everyone's going crazy. | ||
| That's the very moment when we found out that pot was legal in California. | ||
| We were doing a live podcast from the main room. | ||
| Jeff Ross just walked back in. | ||
| The other crazy thing is that Doug Stanhope's girlfriend at the time, or still, but she was in a coma at the time. | ||
| She's not anymore. | ||
| It got more depressing since I went through the bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was just crazy that Doug powered through. | |
| Wait to hear what's next, Jeff. | ||
| Doug's a fucking trooper, man. | ||
| Not many people would have powered through right there. | ||
| Doug... | ||
| And talked about it. | ||
| Doug Stanhope is a special human. | ||
| I've known that guy for a long time, man. | ||
| He's the real deal. | ||
| He actually did move to Bisbee, Arizona and essentially start a whole community of weirdos that live down there and hang out and work with them and do podcasts with them. | ||
| And he's kind of using the podcast as like an open mic. | ||
| That's how he rants. | ||
| And that's how he's coming up with material. | ||
| His whole setup is very interesting, man. | ||
| Sounds cool. | ||
| Yeah, he's the real deal. | ||
| He told you about it? | ||
| Oh yeah, I've listened to it. | ||
| I've listened to it a bunch of times. | ||
| His podcast is awesome. | ||
| But he owns like, he's like a real estate mogul in his fucking town. | ||
| Get out of here. | ||
| Yeah, he owns a bunch of houses. | ||
| When houses go up for sale, he buys them. | ||
| They're all like four grand. | ||
| He owns a ton of houses. | ||
| He's telling me about it. | ||
| He's fucking buying the town. | ||
| He's going to be the Trump of Bisbee, Arizona. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what he's going to be. | |
| Doug Stanhope's going to go, I own this town. | ||
| He's going to be like the bad guy in Roadhouse. | ||
| Remember the bad guy? | ||
| I own this town. | ||
| That's what Stanhope's going to do. | ||
| Everybody will have to dress like him. | ||
| I'm telling you, I'm thinking about moving there. | ||
| Sometimes I think about moving there. | ||
| I'm like, why not? | ||
| Let's fucking join him. | ||
| He's seven miles away from Mexico. | ||
| If shit gets weird, you go left, you go right. | ||
| Pick your poison. | ||
| What do you want to do with drug cartels or rednecks? | ||
| What do you want to do? | ||
| Where do you want to go? | ||
| He's got a weird spot, man. | ||
| They see people. | ||
| When you're near the border like that, you see families coming over. | ||
| I've talked to dudes who've been hunting in Arizona, and there's areas that they avoid. | ||
| Because too many people are coming over the border and they walk. | ||
| And they'll even put things on their shoes, like big chunks of carpet, and they tie them down to their shoes so that they don't make any footprints. | ||
| The hunters? | ||
| No, the fucking Mexicans coming over from the border. | ||
| They'll wear things on their feet so that they don't leave obvious tracks. | ||
| He's like, it's crazy. | ||
| I know guys that have seen them down there and run into them. | ||
| It's like a super common thing. | ||
| So there is a trickle of people that are... | ||
| It's also pretty comfortable because it would be like running across the border on a carpeted area. | ||
| High class. | ||
| They did it for comfort. | ||
| It just so happened to cover up the tracks. | ||
| A lot of those folks died. | ||
| A lot of those folks go over and they get dehydrated. | ||
| They don't have enough water and they get stuck in the desert. | ||
| If they try to come over in July and August, you could get fucked. | ||
| In southern Arizona? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If somebody doesn't pick you up, there's supposed to be someone to come and pick you up. | ||
| They have this whole system, I guess, set up. | ||
| How they get people over here. | ||
| It's kind of crazy, man. | ||
| It's kind of crazy that we have this boundary in the dirt that we decide if you're born over there, you're fucked. | ||
| You stay over there. | ||
| You're born over here, you're on our team. | ||
| If you pull back from it, You look at this connection between Mexico and the United States, it's like it's a landmass. | ||
| It's one landmass. | ||
| Mexico is physically connected to us. | ||
| It's a part of us. | ||
| If we were a being, that would be like being at war with our foot, or not letting our foot come in the shower. | ||
| No, you can't wash. | ||
| I'm going to wash the whole body. | ||
| This is a part of the entire thing. | ||
| To break it off into these imaginary lines in the sand is no different than us telling Seattle they have to go fuck themselves. | ||
| No one from Seattle can come over. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| They obviously aren't under our constitution or our laws or any of that thing, but they're connected to us. | ||
| They're literally a part of us. | ||
| They're right there. | ||
| But it's like what you said before about tribalism. | ||
| It's just so deep. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| It's random, and yet it's deep, like a sports team. | ||
| It's like any guy can get traded any given year, but you're still going to cheer for that fucking color uniform. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Even though like the Mets in 86, after they won the World Series, they fucking traded everybody off, and they weren't the Mets anymore. | ||
| But people were still wearing the jerseys and cheering. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Here's the question. | ||
| How do you stop something like that? | ||
| Well, the hope was globalism would. | ||
| With all of us having access to the internet in our pockets, the same as people from India, that there would be this amazing image of all the walls falling down. | ||
| But that doesn't seem to be happening, do you think? | ||
| No, because we're getting more connected, but But culture means a lot to people, and they're going to keep it, and that identifies them with who they are. | ||
| They're never going to get rid of that and just become super... | ||
| Otherwise, the westernization of the world would just be them all being us. | ||
| What's the end answer? | ||
| Everyone should be the same, but most places you go around the world... | ||
| That are westernized, quote unquote, that are globalized. | ||
| It looks like us. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, we know for a fact that Apple goes to China and pays people pennies, and they have nets all around the buildings where these people live and work. | ||
| They have dormitories, and they cover them with nets. | ||
| We know about Foxconn. | ||
| We know that story. | ||
| So we know, and we still buy these fucking phones. | ||
| I didn't even think twice. | ||
| I didn't even think twice. | ||
| I'm like, those fucking jumpers make a hell of a phone. | ||
| Wait, put the phone down before you jump! | ||
| Bless the little $1 an hour hearts or whatever the fuck they get paid. | ||
| And we accept that. | ||
| And we accept that not just in China, but all throughout South America, there's a bunch of different factories that employ people that pay them pennies. | ||
| Compared to what they would have to pay the same person in America. | ||
| So what are you saying? | ||
| That we care less about them because they're not Americans. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, we literally allow people to give them slave wages. | ||
| Well, we would consider slave wages. | ||
| Like if someone took a guy like you and made you work for someone at the blah blah blah factory that makes fucking jeans or sneakers or whatever the fuck they make, If they made you work for that amount, you would think you were in jail. | ||
| You're like, oh my god, I have to live off of this? | ||
| These people control me. | ||
| They own me. | ||
| They have paralyzed me with poverty. | ||
| There's no way I'll ever be able to escape this. | ||
| And the only argument against it is, well, the quality of their life is much better than it was before the factory got there. | ||
| Before the factory got there, nobody made any money at all. | ||
| Because they were eating coconuts and mangoes and they were catching fish. | ||
| They didn't need any money. | ||
| You made them work. | ||
| There's a lot of these places where you're setting up shop. | ||
| They've been there for thousands and thousands of years. | ||
| They didn't need the factory. | ||
| Maybe the factory's nice to them. | ||
| Maybe it is good. | ||
| Maybe they do become dependent upon it over time. | ||
| But people have existed everywhere, all over the planet, without factories for a long fucking time. | ||
| You don't need that factory. | ||
| There's a lot of other solutions. | ||
| It's not an either-or proposition. | ||
| Either the factory's there or they never get their shit together. | ||
| No, that's not the case. | ||
| They could develop their own culture and society just like the United States did. | ||
| But if you just make them in prison to these factories where they get paid slave wages in these foreign third world countries that we don't care about as much as we care about Detroit or we care about Chicago or we care about places that are just like that place connected to us. | ||
| Yeah, well... | ||
| I'm a commie or something, right? | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| That's goddamn commie talk. | ||
| You're real. | ||
| It's realist. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| The whole thing of not letting those people over here is gross. | ||
| You're going to end it eventually. | ||
| When are you going to keep it like that for a million years? | ||
| A million years from now we're going to have states and you can't cross. | ||
| You can't immigrate from Mexico. | ||
| So a million years from now we're still going to have deep poverty in Mexico and we're terrified of the drug war and leaking over our soil. | ||
| Is that what's going to go on? | ||
| A million years from now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| We're going to be one united planet. | ||
| One super organism that can read each other's mind. | ||
| The federation. | ||
| The corporation. | ||
| The corporation. | ||
| This is a hiccup along a gigantic trail that leads from us throwing shit at each other from a tree to us being able to transcend literal space and time, become a part of some artificially created dimension that they establish. | ||
| That's 100 years from now or 200 years from now. | ||
| This whole thing we're going through right now is a blip in time. | ||
| And it's also a challenge to how much technology really connects us. | ||
| This guy's going to present a lot of challenges as to how much technology can unite human beings. | ||
| Well, the problem is, and you and I were talking earlier about, what's the law called again? | ||
| Moore's Law. | ||
| Moore's Law. | ||
| That every two years, the speed of computers and the memory of computers doubles. | ||
| And that that's held true since the guy came up with the law, which was in like 1960. That's the name of it, right, Jamie? | ||
| Moore's Law? | ||
| Tell me that thing, yeah. | ||
| And the problem with it is, I'm reading this book right now about it, and the problem with it is that we can't keep up culturally, emotionally, legally with how fast information is traveling and how, like you said, everybody has access to the same information. | ||
| But it's also just the ramifications of information. | ||
| You know, corporations being able to get into your information. | ||
| Like, we don't have laws in place that can really tackle that because it's happening so fast. | ||
| You look at Airbnb. | ||
| We didn't have laws in place for people renting out their places, paying taxes on using your own car to drive people as a taxi. | ||
| We're like one step behind progress and we're going to stay that way because it's happening so fast. | ||
| I saw a taxi today and I went, wow, this is going to be like one of those payphones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm looking at this car. | ||
| This guy's driving. | ||
| I'm like, this is going to be a payphone. | ||
| People are just going to have Priuses and people are going to take Uber and it's better. | ||
| You know what's happening in big cities is Uber started replacing the cabs, making it tough for cabs and probably buses and private limos certainly. | ||
| Now it's starting to cut into cars. | ||
| People are not needing a car in major cities in LA. And it cuts out all that drinking and driving shit. | ||
| I watched some guy slam into a fucking barrier last night. | ||
| I was driving home last night, and there was this guy driving home from the ice house. | ||
| There was this guy to the left of me, and he was speeding, and he was flying by me, man, and he was losing control of his car a little bit. | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| He was just wiggling a little. | ||
| It was wet. | ||
| The roads were wet. | ||
| This guy was just driving way too fast. | ||
| He's probably hydroplaning. | ||
| And I said, this guy's just not keeping it together good. | ||
| He might be drunk or whatever. | ||
| So I pull over two lanes. | ||
| I give him some space. | ||
| And a minute after I do that, BING! He hits the fucking side, the cement barrier, spins out. | ||
| Correct. | ||
| Spins again. | ||
| Fucked his car up. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| And then just came to a standstill in the middle of the highway? | ||
| Came to a stop in the left lane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To turn in the right direction, fortunately. | ||
| His car was fucked up, for sure. | ||
| He might not have been able to drive. | ||
| But he was at least looking that way. | ||
| Because sometimes dudes wind up sideways. | ||
| And when you wind up sideways on the highway, you're fucked. | ||
| Because not everybody is going to see you. | ||
| And it doesn't look like rear taillights. | ||
| So you're not getting the same kind of reflection that you get. | ||
| If you saw taillights, even the guy who stopped in front of you, he saw those taillights, you would know, oh, there's a car there. | ||
| Sometimes when people are not totally paying attention, and there's a car that's sideways, parked on the road, like, dude. | ||
| I watched that happen once. | ||
| I was in New York, and I was coming home from a gig with my friend John. | ||
| And we were driving, and there was a car that was stopped dead in the left lane. | ||
| And it had hazard lights on, but the hazard lights were dying. | ||
| It was like super dim. | ||
| There was no battery juice. | ||
| And I saw it. | ||
| And I changed lanes quick. | ||
| But not that far away from it. | ||
| Like I barely missed it. | ||
| I missed it by like, I don't know, 50 yards or something like that. | ||
| Close enough where it was like, holy shit! | ||
| And then I look in my rear view and this guy plows into it at full speed. | ||
| And I see the cars in my rear view as I'm driving. | ||
| I see them spinning in the rear view mirror. | ||
| And I realize like people are probably dying back there. | ||
| I'm looking at dead people. | ||
| Because they hit that thing going 70 miles an hour. | ||
| Just slammed into it. | ||
| And everything's spinning around. | ||
| I just have visions of a car crash. | ||
| It's so scary. | ||
| Yeah, I had a guy... | ||
| Have you ever been in a bad car accident? | ||
| I've been banged around and spun around mostly when I was... | ||
| You know, old tires as a teenager. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But not like a fucking wreck wreck. | ||
| I got in a couple smaller, not too bad wrecks as a comedian, you know, trying to drive. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Drive home in the snow and shit because I didn't want to pay for a hotel, dumb stuff, you know. | ||
| I was running late at night and I saw that car. | ||
| There was a really bad car accident two months ago on Fountain where a girl was fucking shit-faced and people always fly home on Fountain because it's fast, there's no lights. | ||
| And a girl must have clipped a curb... | ||
| And then jetted to the other side, like the fucking other side of the road, and missed parked cars, which was insane, and smashed into one of those concrete walls on the corner. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| The apartments have those concrete fucking huge walls. | ||
| And it looked like a fucking bulldozer ran into it going 50. You know what I mean? | ||
| It was like a million pieces. | ||
| I mean, there was shit like two blocks up. | ||
| It was un-fucking-real. | ||
| When you see someone really hit something with a car, you realize how crazy car travel is and how those autonomous cars are like the future. | ||
| You're not going to be able to argue against it. | ||
| Right, because it takes... | ||
| I mean, we've all been... | ||
| I mean, I've fallen asleep at the wheel on the highway at night. | ||
| I used to drive from Boston back to New York. | ||
| Saturday night, I would do two shows... | ||
| Then I'd get in my car, wherever the fuck I was, and I would drive to New York that night. | ||
| And I can remember windows open, singing as loud as I could, just because I would close my eyes and I would fucking wake up on the shoulder. | ||
| It was great. | ||
| I think about how many times I could have died. | ||
| I remember when I was a teenager, there was this 69 Cougar that I was going to buy from this kid named Billy Arduino. | ||
| It was a muscle car and he had it fucking jacked up. | ||
| He was a motorhead. | ||
| I was going to buy this car. | ||
| Where was he from? | ||
| The Arduino's. | ||
| And so this other kid bought it, and I'm driving down Route 9, right in front of the hospital. | ||
| It's a two-lane road, but it goes like 50 miles an hour. | ||
| And I see the car, and it's driving in front of me, and there's a light rain, and I see him. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck happened, but he started going back and forth. | ||
| Fishtailing. | ||
| A fishtail. | ||
| I think he was gunning it because he saw me, and he was trying to be a badass. | ||
| Went in the opposite lane. | ||
| Hit this mother and kid fucking head on. | ||
| And to this day, I can remember the smell of burnt rubber and oil. | ||
| It happened right in front of me. | ||
| And the woman was hospitalized. | ||
| Somehow the kid was okay. | ||
| And this fat fuck just got right out of the car. | ||
| Yeah, nothing happened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They chipped a tooth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, when you see people driving really fucked up, man. | ||
| There was a... | ||
| I passed by one of those power boxes, whatever it is. | ||
| You know those things that are on the corner? | ||
| And it had all these wreaths on it. | ||
| And all this in memory of this person. | ||
| And then I looked up the store and it was two kids. | ||
| They were racing down the road and some lady pulled out and they clipped the lady and spun her car around but didn't hurt her. | ||
| And went straight into a pole and just died. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My best friend's handicapped from doing the exact same thing. | |
| High school buddy. | ||
| He was racing? | ||
| I just spent New Years with him, yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So be careful out there, kids. | ||
| So fucking scary. | ||
| And the other three guys in the car walked away. | ||
| Being competitive like that on regular streets and racing with people is so fucking dangerous. | ||
| So dangerous. | ||
| It's like you see those painted bikes that are chained to poles that represent bikers that died. | ||
| Oh, is that what that is? | ||
| Well, LA doesn't really have a lot of it. | ||
| In Chicago, where I'm from, it's a big thing of commuter bikes, passenger bikes, and messengers. | ||
| They get hit all the fucking time, and then when they die, they spray paint it white, and then they chain it to the pole at the intersection. | ||
| My mom was saying it was like, one year it was almost like every other block she was driving down, it was like, there's another bike, it's another bike. | ||
| People are fucking drunk as shit. | ||
| Don't give a fuck. | ||
| Clip some guy that's riding his bike home from work or some shit. | ||
| Yeah, it's a commitment to go, I'm going to ride a motorcycle. | ||
| You've got to really buy into it because your odds of dying just go up exponentially from driving a car. | ||
| What are your odds of dying more? | ||
| A bicycle or a motorcycle? | ||
| Buy. | ||
| Sorry, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| I'm Debbie Downer. | ||
| I've been looking at Jeff all night. | ||
| Joe's got the reins and he's taking us down and we're going deep down. | ||
| I did not mean to. | ||
| I don't want to cry. | ||
| I'm glad you corrected me. | ||
| I don't want to cry on your fucking podcast. | ||
| I'm glad you corrected me. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| If you want me to cry, don't hear it live. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| He needs a couple of takes. | ||
| I'm not the first comic to cry in the basement of the comedy store. | ||
| Oh, definitely not. | ||
| You're probably the first that didn't really do anything horrible, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I came down here. | ||
| Adam brought me down here. | ||
| There's like a back room over there with just like storage shit in it. | ||
| And you know what I found? | ||
| What? | ||
| I found Pauly Shore's original script of In the Army Now with his acting notes to himself in it. | ||
| Like one of them was like, Be the Weezer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Weasel. | ||
| Be the Weezer? | ||
| Be the Weezer. | ||
| Be the Weezer's a band. | ||
| Be that band. | ||
| They got some great hits. | ||
| But like the whole script he had marked up with all his acting notes. | ||
| I would have taken that. | ||
| I fucking tried. | ||
| Well, I would have taken that. | ||
| Oh, Adam was with you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, there you go. | ||
| This place is, you know, one of the most, if you believe in ghosts, one of the most notoriously haunted places in all of California. | ||
| Maybe in the country. | ||
| Because it used to be Ciro's nightclub. | ||
| I believe in ghosts. | ||
| I saw Yakov Smirnoff here the other day. | ||
| A lot of killings happen here, right? | ||
| It was a mob place. | ||
| I killed tonight. | ||
| Roast battles. | ||
| Big taping tomorrow. | ||
| Three nights are invited. | ||
| Is it all sold out? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| RoastBattleTickets.com. | ||
| Maybe the finale might not be. | ||
| That's next week. | ||
| Now, when you do these things, do you open up tickets to the public? | ||
| Yeah, they're free tickets. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| RoastBattleTickets.com is how to sign up. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| You're all invited. | ||
| And then it'll air January 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th. | ||
| It's a bracketed tournament. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| 16 comics. | ||
| A lot of people from right here in LA. Comedy store people. | ||
| A couple people who work here like answering phones. | ||
| Jay Light, Frank Castillo, Alex Hooper. | ||
| A lot of LA comics from here in the comedy store. | ||
| Frank Barry's doing it. | ||
| Oh, he is doing it. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Who's he going against? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's awesome. | |
| Jessica Curzon. | ||
| He's fucking funny, man. | ||
| He's going to be crazy. | ||
| Tom Barry's one of the most underappreciated guys working today. | ||
| He's a fucking funny guy. | ||
| He's funny as shit. | ||
| So Lawrence holds the belt, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And does he get challenged? | ||
| I think he's going to challenge whoever wins this tournament. | ||
| There's so many funny up-and-coming comedians, and that is one of the best places for them to expose or to get exposure. | ||
| Some of them are already barely comedians, and Roast Battle helps them figure that out. | ||
| Yeah, they're just starting out. | ||
| Find their voice through those roast jokes. | ||
| Like we did. | ||
| Well, the jokes that they write, I'm fucking blown away. | ||
| Every time I sit in and judge them, I'll say to them afterwards, how long did you write those jokes for? | ||
| They'll be like, three months. | ||
| They literally write for a month for one roast battle. | ||
| Two of the roasters told me they have the bracket up on their wall and they're writing ahead in case they advance or for when they advance. | ||
| Well, you guys have always said it best. | ||
| It's a joke writer showcase. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's such an important thing in comedy right now. | ||
| Dude, love that. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| It is, dude. | ||
| You need to have that world exist for people in a world right now where PC and people on their toes and who knows what to say what all the time and that's such a fucking deal now. | ||
| I'm so happy that that is still being represented in the comedy world because it fucking lightens everything. | ||
| It makes everything... | ||
| All the voices shut the fuck up and enjoy two people making fun of each other. | ||
| It's like the most clean thing that we need in entertainment, especially for comedy. | ||
| Because, dude, right now I feel like you're on tippy-toes sometimes when you do shows in places and you're like, what are these people going to get offended by? | ||
| And that fucking... | ||
| Joe and I were really into Bill Hicks. | ||
| And like, I didn't necessarily agree with everything about his politics. | ||
| Certainly with Kinison, I didn't believe in any of his politics. | ||
| But I fucking loved him. | ||
| And now, as a comedian, the crowd has an expectation that they have to agree with you. | ||
| And that they'll actually yell out if they disagree. | ||
| It's like, that's not an option. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had that last night. | |
| You guys are like, not funny. | ||
| Yeah, you're going to have that. | ||
| And they feel like they have the right now because they're so used to commenting on things. | ||
| They're so used to commenting on things on social media. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| YouTube comments. | ||
| We don't troll on the internet, we troll to each other's faces. | ||
| Yeah, well no, that's a different animal. | ||
| Look, Roast Battle is so beautiful because it's a pure competition. | ||
| It's like, you know, Mike is so doom, and then, oh shit, and then here we go, counter. | ||
| It's like you're playing a game. | ||
| Sometimes the ball goes out of bounds and sometimes it doesn't work. | ||
| Sometimes you hit net. | ||
| Sometimes you fucking smash it right in their face. | ||
| It really is amazing in that way. | ||
| I would say you're more apt to win if you go harder. | ||
| There's not too many people that lose by going too far, is there? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's the fucking best ones I've ever seen are people that just go... | ||
| No, people are nervous. | ||
| As long as it's funny. | ||
| But what's really weird is when someone goes super mean and it's not funny. | ||
| But even that's beautiful to see. | ||
| I love that shit. | ||
| Even if it's sort of entertaining, yeah. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, sort of. | ||
| They don't win, but it's good, fun entertainment. | ||
| Well, it's squirmy. | ||
| Thank God the audience knows that Failure in comedy is still a thing that's not just like, everything's not just a special prefabricated late night set. | ||
| I think a lot of people, because they only see comedy in that way, they see specials on Netflix, they see late night sets, things that are tight and are formula that have been practiced, that when they come see live comedy, an inch of any sort of faltering and they're like, what? | ||
| Are you not a pro? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Santino, you're about to release your Netflix special, right? | ||
| No, on Showtime. | ||
| So when that comes out, do you abandon your material now? | ||
| I mean, I've already started to implement a bunch of new stuff and do both right now before it even comes out just because I'm trying to get in the habit. | ||
| But yeah, I mean, I think so. | ||
| I mean, that's a personal thing. | ||
| I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do it, but I think I'm trying to... | ||
| Get rid of that stuff and try all new stuff. | ||
| I'm going to stop doing your shit probably in a couple weeks. | ||
| I'm hoping. | ||
| You do it so much better, that's the problem. | ||
| That's why I sit and watch you do me after. | ||
| No, yeah, I'm trying to abandon it. | ||
| But I'm not trying to do... | ||
| A special every year type of thing. | ||
| I don't think that's for me. | ||
| I know that that's like the new thing, but I don't. | ||
| I think even Louie's backed off of that. | ||
| I mean, a lot of people have that aspiration of like, I'll do one every fucking year, and I'm always like, what for though? | ||
| Well, wait to see what kind of year you have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I mean, I have years where I write like a motherfucker, and I have years where I'm like, I'll look at a set list on my computer that says January 2016, and I look at it recently, and I'm like, wow, this is not that different than what I'm doing now. | ||
| I see a bunch of stuff I tried that didn't work, and then I have years where, yeah, I will come up with close to an hour. | ||
| This is going to be the year where every comedy, that's the one thing, every comic will have three specials a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| All right. | ||
| I want everyone to have three. | ||
| Everyone's going to get three. | ||
| Dude, you can do Trump. | ||
| A little. | ||
| Just a little bit. | ||
| Give me a little something. | ||
| I heard it. | ||
| I like Joe Rogan. | ||
| Joe's good. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| He's a fighter. | ||
| That's why I like fighters. | ||
| He's a fighter. | ||
| I like fighters. | ||
| That's not bad. | ||
| It's good, except you got to get the R out of there on the New York accent. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You're close enough. | ||
| Fight it. | ||
| You're almost there. | ||
| Where are you from? | ||
| Chicago. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| I can't do his voice. | ||
| I can't make that sound. | ||
| I can imitate certain people's voices, but I have a very limited range. | ||
| The people I can do, I can do good, but I can't do him. | ||
| Trump is almost so quote-unquote simple that that's why anybody that comes down on SNL, there's a lot of people that can do the impression, but they were saying how hard Hillary was. | ||
| Which I get. | ||
| I didn't really think about it, but I was like, oh yeah, she's such a fucking hard voice to imitate. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Trump, that's another reason it's so cartoonishly perfect that you're like, anybody who can do a voice like that is going to get- Well, and Bernie was easy as hell. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He's just an old Jew. | ||
| It just was Larry David. | ||
| Yeah, Bernie was the evil. | ||
| We're going to have a political revolution, and then we're going out for soup. | ||
| We're going out for soup. | ||
| Everybody pays for their own soup. | ||
| He's like Jackie Mason a little bit. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Hey. | ||
| Listen, kid. | ||
| That's what he said to the Pope. | ||
| I said, I met the Pope. | ||
| I said, listen, kid. | ||
| You're doing a great job with the Catholics. | ||
| Did you see him today? | ||
| He was doing that, he did something today or yesterday. | ||
| Who? | ||
| Bernie Sanders, where he's grilling the guy. | ||
| I was at the Senate confirmation hearings. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Trying to make some sense of all of this. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Trump's bringing in this guy that's kind of a climate change denier. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| So you're telling me that you're responsible for the climate. | ||
| You don't even know if it's raining out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I shouldn't necessarily say he's a climate change denier. | |
| He's a skeptic to the science. | ||
| You think it's true? | ||
| You deny it? | ||
| You think it's true? | ||
| You deny it? | ||
| What's the truth? | ||
| Let's get soup. | ||
| Let's get some soup. | ||
| You still owe me $2 for that split piece. | ||
| He's got a tab at Cantor's. | ||
| Listen. | ||
| My Cantor's tab. | ||
| How's the lockers tonight, baby? | ||
| I would love to have a little new president. | ||
| You know, they're so nurturing. | ||
| He seems like a genuinely nice guy. | ||
| Who's that? | ||
| Bernie Sanders. | ||
| Yeah, he does. | ||
| To me, he does. | ||
| He seems like a genuinely nice guy. | ||
| But don't we know that anybody who has kind of the audacity and fucking self-indulgence to want to be president is also behind that fucking crazy person. | ||
| I'm sure he's a nice person. | ||
| I was there for the right reasons. | ||
| I beg to differ. | ||
| I spent 22 years in the Senate. | ||
| I was mayor of my town of Vermont. | ||
| Or isn't it possible that someone could not want to be president until they realize that the country's back is up against the wall and that's when he finally ran? | ||
| It is possible. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Do you think had the DNC not fucking strategically shoved Hillary Clinton in front of him, if he had fucking won, do you think he could have beat Trump? | ||
| That's just an open speculation. | ||
| Who knows how it would have played out? | ||
| I'm so fucking curious to see that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is that something I'm prepared to discuss at this time? | |
| Would you think you would have won, Bernie, or what? | ||
| You think you would have fucking... | ||
| Beat Trump? | ||
| I think I would have given him a run for his money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think I would have won in the key states. | |
| What key states do you think you would have beat him? | ||
| I think I would have won in... | ||
| You think Michigan you would have taken down? | ||
| I think head-to-head I would have been very competitive with the Trump campaign. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| I think we're both outsiders. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| Definitely, definitely. | ||
| You should do your Trump impression now and you guys should duel. | ||
| Listen, I'm sorry, Mr. President, I can't accept your presidency. | ||
| I'm stepping out of government. | ||
| I'm taking a job at Goldman Sachs. | ||
| I need to make some money. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| That's what I would say. | ||
| You're welcome. | ||
| I think I've done for you more than you've ever done for me. | ||
| So you're welcome. | ||
| You want to make college free? | ||
| You want to make college free? | ||
| I'm going to charge four times for college. | ||
| Four times. | ||
|
unidentified
|
More debt. | |
| Mr. Trump, I beg your pardon. | ||
| Don't beg me. | ||
| What's in those tax returns? | ||
| I'm not going to show you my tax returns. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't need to show you. | |
| Some undisclosed payments to your barber? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| My stylist does what he does very well. | ||
| He does very well. | ||
| I have a trans stylist, by the way. | ||
| I have a trans stylist. | ||
| You want to talk about trans culture? | ||
| I have trans stylists. | ||
| Okay, don't tell me I don't like the LGBTQ community. | ||
| I'm very low budget. | ||
| I'm working on that. | ||
| I care more about the important things in life. | ||
| You look like you shop at the dollar store. | ||
| It's pathetic. | ||
| I tried the Trump steaks. | ||
| They were harder to digest than your foreign policy. | ||
| Trump steaks are delicious. | ||
| Don't listen to that. | ||
| They're better than Omaha steaks. | ||
| Don't listen to that. | ||
| We have premium cows. | ||
| Our cows are beautiful. | ||
| They're shipped over from California. | ||
| I don't appreciate your racist comments that you've made in the past. | ||
| I'm not racist. | ||
| I'm racial. | ||
| I'm racial. | ||
| Making fun of people with disabilities. | ||
| Oh, what, what, what? | ||
| I can't mock a retard anymore? | ||
| What's the news coming to today? | ||
| I can't do that. | ||
| I can't sit up there and jiggle my wrist like we used to when we were seven. | ||
| Screw you, Bern. | ||
| I'm going to mock a tard once in a while. | ||
| Get used to it, America. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's legitimately what would come out of his fucking brain. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| And you know what? | ||
| That would be fed live to America, an argument between those two, and fucking his fans would love it even more. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| He should mock fucking Reed. | ||
| Fine. | ||
| Fun. | ||
| That's what my buddy said to his mom. | ||
| She was a diehard Trump supporter, and he said, justify seriously to me. | ||
| Justify how he could mock a handicapped person. | ||
| Just tell me what's the fucking spin on that. | ||
| He said it wasn't because he was... | ||
| Just watch it once. | ||
| Volume off. | ||
| Watch it once. | ||
| No one in the world... | ||
| Someone who speaks no English and doesn't understand our culture would go, well, they're probably making fun of, it looks like they're making a character of somebody. | ||
| It was this kid who was a comedian. | ||
| But you know he does that about everybody that he thinks is flustered? | ||
| There's like a whole series. | ||
| I saw that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like every time he thinks he goes, he does that when no one knows what they're doing. | ||
| Oh, and he's trying to figure this out. | ||
| Literally, that's his thing that he does. | ||
| I'm not defending him, but the real fact is he always does that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They showed a video of them looping, but specifically, he did this arm thing like that. | ||
| Yeah, it was more specific. | ||
| More extra. | ||
| Yeah, it was definitely like wrists banging against each other kind of a move. | ||
| He does this in some of them open handy, and then this was kind of like... | ||
| I mean, it was just like what... | ||
| What when you were a punk kid in third grade or fourth grade were doing to each other, mocking shit, it was so obvious that that's what it was. | ||
| There was this comic, and you guys probably wouldn't even remember him, but he was an L.A. comic, one of those guys that was just always around, and you never really saw him go on stage much. | ||
| Earl Skakel. | ||
| And he had these giant front teeth and like a receded upper lip so that his teeth just like jutted out. | ||
| And I'm talking to him and I don't know what the fuck was going through my mind but subconsciously I like curled my lip up above my teeth and then he just looked at me and he goes, oh that's really funny. | ||
| And I realized like in a second that I was doing it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I was so fucking embarrassed. | ||
| I didn't know what to say. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| That's kind of like when someone's twitching, you just naturally just do it with them for some reason. | ||
| I think it's a monkey response. | ||
| Monkey see, monkey do. | ||
| It's like subconscious. | ||
| Like when someone yawns and you start yawning? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Or when someone has a fucking thing on their face, you just kind of even feel it on your face. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| It's not there, but you start to feel it on your own face, and then you've got to go, dude, it fucking... | ||
| What are you doing, Jeff Ross? | ||
| Somebody knocked? | ||
| Somebody knocked? | ||
| There was no one there. | ||
| Someone knocked. | ||
| Jeff, this has been a blast. | ||
| I came in an hour before these. | ||
| You were the first ever on a live podcast from the Comedy Store. | ||
| I had a big day. | ||
| I want to rest. | ||
| Yeah, you had a lot of shit going on here. | ||
| And you've got big shows. | ||
| Tomorrow's when you tape, right? | ||
| So, one more time for everybody. | ||
| Roast Battle. | ||
| January 26th, 27th, 28th, 29th on Comedy Central. | ||
| It'll be great. | ||
| John Mayer, Sarah Silverman, Jason Sudeikis, Snoop Dogg, Jesselneck, Whitney. | ||
| Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. | ||
| All live on Comedy Central. | ||
| You're in the sizzle reel that opens the show. | ||
| I'm so proud. | ||
| Nice! | ||
| It's really fun. | ||
| Andrew Santino, your Showtime special? | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| It's called Home Field Advantage. | ||
| I did it in Chicago at the theater. | ||
| Are you from? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, beautiful. | ||
| You already said that when you were talking about the accent. | ||
| I forgot. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And I did it in the theater that I used to go watch bands in when I was in high school. | ||
| It was such a fucking surreal thing. | ||
| That's fucking awesome. | ||
| It was fucking wild. | ||
| When is it out? | ||
| See you, man. | ||
| June. | ||
| It'll be out in June. | ||
| June. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Powerful Jeff Ross. | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons, Fitzdog Radio Podcast. | ||
| Tour dates coming up. | ||
| Tacoma. | ||
| Austin. | ||
| Tampa. | ||
| Phoenix. | ||
| I'll be coming to Phoenix. | ||
| Go to Fitzdog.com. | ||
| A lot of shows. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| I know. | ||
| Live poker game. | ||
| Like a live poker podcast. | ||
| That'd be perfect for that. | ||
| I don't know how to play. | ||
| It'd be awesome. | ||
| Well, that camera, you stick it in the middle of the table and you can see everybody playing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get an air conditioner. | |
| Yeah, we could do some shit to this room. | ||
| This room's pretty badass. | ||
| It's cool that they have it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's not bad. | |
| It's a good spot. | ||
| It's cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you can definitely hear the piano. | ||
| We've got to get a TV down here. | ||
| We can see what's going on on the stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We could. | |
| We could get a monitor and watch everybody. | ||
| That would be fun. | ||
| That would be so fun. | ||
| Yeah, we could easily do that. | ||
| Like Mystery Science Theater comics that we know. | ||
| Yeah, that's not like Roger Science. | ||
| Jeff, thanks, buddy. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Always a pleasure, my friend. | ||
| I'm going to come by tomorrow. | ||
| I gave you a dainty, womanly handshake there. | ||
| It was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you, sir. | |
| And Greg, where can people get a hold of your shit? | ||
| FittsDog.com, baby! | ||
| FittsDog.com and Greg Fitts Radio is your Twitter, right? | ||
| FittsDog. | ||
| FittsDog. | ||
| That's it, folks. | ||
| You have been witness to the very first ever and it went into the 20th so it's an inauguration podcast in a lot of ways. | ||
| Oh, it is? | ||
| Yeah, because we're here. | ||
| It's the 20th. | ||
| And that's it, you fucks. | ||
| First time ever. | ||
| Comedy Store live podcast. | ||
| We'll do it again. | ||
| It was fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Awesome. | |
| Yeah, it was a cool idea, right? |
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