July 11, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:35:07
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| Yes! | ||
| Eleanor! | ||
| What's up, my friend? | ||
| So good to see you. | ||
| What's up with you? | ||
| Eleanor, my long-running friend, one of my longest-running friends in Hollywood, and a girl who's now a professional, legit professional stand-up comic who I always knew for years as a waitress. | ||
| I always tell everybody this story, but it's true. | ||
| Eleanor was my go-to person to find out if somebody was a hack. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Like, there would be, like, someone would say, oh, you gotta check out this person. | ||
| They're amazing. | ||
| I'd go, okay, cool. | ||
| And then I'd go, Eleanor, did you see blah, blah, blah? | ||
| She'd like, pfft, fucking hack. | ||
| And there was a lot of people that got tricked, you know? | ||
| Oh, trickery is big in comedy. | ||
| A lot of people who we thought were like, you think they're legit, and then you see them a few times, and you're like, oh, something going on here. | ||
| Yeah, there was a lot of them, I feel like. | ||
| And I used to tell my customers, I'd be like, alright, right here you're going to want to go to the bathroom. | ||
| You're going to want to stay in there for a while. | ||
| Well, when you came to the store, you were at the store before I was. | ||
| 93. Yeah, I came in 94. So when I was there, you were already there, but those were dark years. | ||
| There was... | ||
| Not in the beginning. | ||
| In the beginning, I was still doing three shows in the OR, two shows in the main room. | ||
| Was it like 97, 98? | ||
| It just kind of... | ||
| Yeah, around there. | ||
| Somewhere around there. | ||
| Yeah, because it got bad. | ||
| Yeah, well, when we first got there, Martin Lawrence was on top. | ||
| And he would come there all the time and fill the place. | ||
| Yeah, my... | ||
| Sort of like how Louis does now, when Louis comes. | ||
| And Joe Rogan. | ||
| Yeah, that guy. | ||
| But... | ||
| No, but my first ex-fiance used to represent Martin Lawrence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| I have a couple ex-fiances. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever. | |
| Not a closer, guys. | ||
| Not yet. | ||
| But you were receiving a master class in comedy before you ever did it. | ||
| Oh my god, yeah. | ||
| Like, I would watch them all the time. | ||
| Because then, when I wasn't at the store, I was with my fiancé, and we'd be at comedy clubs. | ||
| We were on the road with Chris Rock when he was doing Bring the Paint, because Chris was his other client. | ||
| So it was like watching everybody. | ||
| That's how I became friends with Sharipa, through my first ex-fiancé. | ||
| So we would go to all... | ||
| When Sharipa was booking the Riviera. | ||
| Yeah, and then I would help him book people, once in a blue moon, and of course, they'd all get banned. | ||
| Idiots. | ||
| Isn't it crazy that Sharippo was booking the Riviera? | ||
| We always knew him as this booking guy who was really fun to hang out with. | ||
| So fun. | ||
| He was just such a great guy. | ||
| And then all of a sudden, he's on the fucking greatest show of all time. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| It was so weird for me to watch him on The Sopranos. | ||
| I'm like, how is this possible? | ||
| He's like, I might get this part. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I mean, we were all like freaking out. | ||
| Like, are you kidding? | ||
| And then he finally told me, he goes, I finished the paperwork today. | ||
| I'm like, oh my God. | ||
| I was freaking out. | ||
| I couldn't wait to see him on The Sopranos. | ||
| You know, he has the best fucking spaghetti sauce in the world. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I have to try it. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| I still didn't get it. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| Look up Steve Sharippa's sauce. | ||
| Like, something New York. | ||
| Which one on Sopranos was he? | ||
| Was it a younger, clean copy? | ||
| Bobby Bacala. | ||
| Yeah, they made him put a gut suit on. | ||
| Like, they made him... | ||
| Like, he wasn't that big. | ||
| He's pretty big now. | ||
| Like, if you wanted to do it now, I probably wouldn't have to wear it. | ||
| It's all that sauce. | ||
| He's eating good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you want from me? | |
| He's a fucking character. | ||
| God, thank God for people like that. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Uncle Steve's. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what it is. | |
| Uncle Steve's. | ||
| I knew it was something like that. | ||
| And what is the... | ||
| Is it Uncle Steve's... | ||
| Uncle Steve's NY. NY.com. | ||
| Uncle Steve's NY.com. | ||
| But he has amazing pasta sauce. | ||
| And we've known this guy forever. | ||
| Easily, yeah. | ||
| Like, I feel like I've known him since the day I got here. | ||
| Yeah, I've known him forever. | ||
| And he's always been awesome. | ||
| Because he booked big clients like that for Billy, my ex. | ||
| He introduced me to Lichtenberg, my business manager. | ||
| He's been my business manager forever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He got the stamp of approval from Sharipa. | |
| He's a good guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a good guy. | |
| He's a real guy. | ||
| But we've had a chance to see a lot of... | ||
| We got a chance to see Richard Pryor together. | ||
| Remember those days? | ||
| Richard did for a year. | ||
| I remember I was so nervous. | ||
| I was in the office at the comedy store, and I brought him in water. | ||
| And I was like, oh my god, it's Richard Pryor. | ||
| Because we used to get punished for listening to his stuff. | ||
| So then I was like, I told him that, and he's like, that's good. | ||
| And then later on, his wife wouldn't let me bring him the... | ||
| Toonies, he used to call them. | ||
| Martinis. | ||
| He's like, bring me a Toonie. | ||
| Bring me a Toonie. | ||
| So I was like, it's Richard Pryor. | ||
| I'll bring him whenever he wants. | ||
| If he asks for cocaine, I'm going to go find it. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| It's exciting. | ||
| So I brought it to him, and she made me change it to water. | ||
| She made me change it. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| I know what she was doing, but at the same time, it's like, dude, he's sick. | ||
| Let him have his friggin' martini. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| And I brought it on stage, and he sipped it, and he knew it was water, and he was like, bitch! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, oh my god, Richard Pryor doesn't like me. | |
| Oh, no. | ||
| Because of that bitch wife. | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| But I didn't want to get in trouble. | ||
| I didn't know if it was his meds that would counteract. | ||
| You never know why she was doing it. | ||
| No, I hear you. | ||
| I mean, ultimately, you have to listen to her. | ||
| She's like the caregiver. | ||
| She was running shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I did it. | ||
| Yeah, he did it a long time. | ||
| I had to go on after him a lot. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| For a year. | ||
| He did a year. | ||
| He did Monday, Wednesday, Friday. | ||
| And then it switched down to just Wednesday. | ||
| I don't remember how many times I went on after him, but I remember I bombed basically every single one of them. | ||
| Like, I might have got over a couple of times. | ||
| It was packed. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| It was packed. | ||
| It was weird, too, because he was really ill. | ||
| Yeah, because Chewy would carry him up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Chewy and... | ||
| Who else? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fat James? | |
| No, was it Fat James? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't think so. | |
| No, I don't think it was Fat James. | ||
| I don't think it was. | ||
| Please. | ||
| It was Marilyn Martinez's husband, remember? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, David. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| David used to help him. | ||
| Okay, oh yeah. | ||
| Him and Chewie used to help Richard Pryor get to the stage. | ||
| Yeah, now I remember. | ||
| I'm afraid to put my headphones all the way on. | ||
| Don't think I'm weird. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I have a paranoia. | ||
| You worry that someone's going to sneak up on you? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know what that bear is doing. | ||
| You sort of blocked his filly. | ||
| That's that old school filly in you. | ||
| I gotta leave the one ear out. | ||
| Do you know filly has a UFC lightweight champion in the world now? | ||
| No, I did not know that. | ||
| Eddie Alvarez. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| He's from Philly? | ||
| How come I didn't know that? | ||
| That stinks. | ||
| But that's awesome. | ||
| And how were the fights this weekend? | ||
| How was it? | ||
| Fucking insane. | ||
| The Eddie Alvarez one was probably the most insane. | ||
| Eddie Alvarez was a big underdog. | ||
| He fought Rafael Dos Anjos on the internet. | ||
| It was on the internet. | ||
| It was only on UFC Fight Reflexes like a cat. | ||
| It was only on UFC Fight Pass. | ||
| I don't know how many people watched the Fight Pass ones, but I know it's not as much as Fox. | ||
| I don't think it's as much as a pay-per-view, but I could be wrong at this point because I know there's millions and millions of people who have Fight Pass now. | ||
| I don't know the actual numbers, but Fight Pass is awesome. | ||
| You can watch every fight that's ever taken place, and they have a few world title fights on it now. | ||
| So that world title fight was a part of the three-day celebration. | ||
| So it was Rafael Dos Anjos versus Eddie Alvarez for the lightweight title. | ||
| And then it was Ioana Jacek and Klaudia Gidea on Friday night for the Women's Strawweight title. | ||
| And then there was the big UFC 200. So it was three nights of insane fights. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I think I came off stage when the girls were fighting and I went to show my friend the bar at the Comedy Store, you know, the back bar. | ||
| And I was like, oh, come in here. | ||
| And everybody was like, ah! | ||
| I was like, oh, I forgot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I forgot. | |
| I thought we were doing comedy. | ||
| Sorry guys, I'm going to go out. | ||
| But yeah, it was crazy. | ||
| It was cool seeing Brock back. | ||
| He killed it. | ||
| Dude, Brock Lesnar beat a world-class heavyweight. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| Sorry, I'm just asking a question, guys. | ||
| Yeah, he beat a world-class heavyweight. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| He beat Mark Hunt. | ||
| I mean, he fucking legitimately beat Mark Hunt. | ||
| He avoided getting knocked out on his feet. | ||
| He took him down like a fucking gorilla. | ||
| He took him down like nobody can. | ||
| You watch him take Mark Hunt down, and you're like, Jesus, who's stopping that? | ||
| How are you stopping that? | ||
| His horsepower is just so insane. | ||
| When he gets a hold of his head, he's just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Boom! | |
| And he's taking him down. | ||
| Because Mark Hunt's a difficult guy to take down, and Mark Hunt is all of 265 pounds. | ||
| He's a big fucking guy. | ||
| So for Brock to do that to him that way, Jesus Christ, he's ridiculous. | ||
| I could probably beat him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You'd probably take his ass. | |
| What a good example of somebody that doesn't supposedly use steroids, too. | ||
| Look, that guy's a monster. | ||
| His muscles are crazy. | ||
| And supposedly, he got tested, right? | ||
| Yeah, he got tested. | ||
| For this fight, he got tested five times within a very short period of time. | ||
| But, let's just be completely honest, in the nature of... | ||
| Open discourse. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| When you look at someone and they're jacked as fucked, it could easily be genetics. | ||
| Because there are girls that have giant tits for no reason. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| I don't think we should bring this up. | ||
| They have like size EE tits. | ||
| And you're like, what in the hell? | ||
| And they're 100% natural. | ||
| And then there's some girls that are just, they don't have very large boobs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| There's a lot of girls besides you. | ||
| There's a lot of people out there that have this thing going on. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This testosterone. | ||
| But there's just a giant difference between human shapes, right? | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| And so there are people that are built like that. | ||
| My friend Sidley is a buddy of mine from back in Boston. | ||
| He was jacked and he didn't even lift weights. | ||
| He was this Jamaican kid that I was friends with. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| He was fucking... | ||
| He was ridiculously yoked and he barely worked out. | ||
| I mean, he did like kickboxing things and some push-ups maybe. | ||
| He was never lifting weights. | ||
| He was just doing martial arts stuff and he was... | ||
| My brother Charlie was like that, always muscly. | ||
| Up until like two years ago, it just changed. | ||
| Don't tell him I said that. | ||
| We'll get pissed. | ||
| Do you know that little kid? | ||
| He doesn't know how to listen to a podcast. | ||
| You know the little kid, the little muscle kid that was super ripped when he was a kid? | ||
| That's what Charlie looked like. | ||
| Have you seen him now? | ||
| No. | ||
| He works at Universal Studios in the Waterworld exhibit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like a stunt guy. | |
| And now he's just normal, kind of has a beer gut now. | ||
| He stopped lifting because he said it was boring. | ||
| Man, wasn't that a case of, didn't they allege that his parents had had him on steroids? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's awful. | ||
| I know, it's really sad. | ||
| If that's the same story that I'm thinking about, I think there's been more than one of those, like little yolk dudes. | ||
| I know there's one little yolk dude that had that genetic disorder that cows have sometimes and those whippet dogs have sometimes. | ||
| Oh, we had a whippet. | ||
| Have you ever seen the whippet dogs that get the double muscle disorder? | ||
| No. | ||
| My dog was lazy, but she was a Whippet. | ||
| It's different. | ||
| I mean, just assume if they have the extra muscle, they'd be more. | ||
| No, there's this thing that happens to Whippets and some cows. | ||
| It's called a myostatin inhibitor. | ||
| And a myostatin inhibitor, apparently, it regulates the amount of muscle tissue you carry around with you. | ||
| So when these whippets get it, they look like the Hulk. | ||
| They look fake. | ||
| They look like a movie. | ||
| I've seen pictures of it. | ||
| Pull up a photo of a whippet myostatin inhibitor dog. | ||
| You know how to spell that? | ||
| Myostatin. | ||
| But apparently there's a boy in Germany, at least one kid, that's confirmed that was born with this disorder. | ||
| So he's really young, but he's jacked. | ||
| He's just fucking super yoked baby. | ||
| I don't mind being jacked. | ||
| This is what the dogs look like. | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Man, look at their face! | ||
| So sweet! | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| They're usually a very slender dog. | ||
| Very kangaroo looking. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Dude, kangaroos scare the fuck out of me now. | ||
| It's like all of a sudden they started getting jacked. | ||
| I saw a lot of them in Australia. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big ones. | |
| Kangaroos weren't jacked when I was a kid. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When I was a kid... | ||
| Do you think they lift? | ||
| Yeah, they definitely lift. | ||
| They looked all like they were like fucking schoolteachers. | ||
| Like they were just newspaper reporters or something. | ||
| A librarian. | ||
| No. | ||
| They didn't look like these yoked monsters. | ||
| You see the one that's knocking on the window of the person's house? | ||
| Like, I want to come in. | ||
| Have you seen that video yet? | ||
| I would have let him in. | ||
| I would have let him in. | ||
| Knocking on the door? | ||
| Look at them. | ||
| Come on now. | ||
| Look how big that thing is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's insane. | |
| That one up there is big. | ||
| Yeah, look at that one right there. | ||
| Like, what in the fuck, man? | ||
| What in the fuck is that? | ||
| That's fake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm kidding. | |
| I've seen it live. | ||
| But it's not fake. | ||
| I know I've seen it live. | ||
| So what the hell's going on? | ||
| Do you think they have that extra muscle thing like you said? | ||
| They're taking dick pills because there's steroids in dick pills. | ||
| What a fucking bizarre animal that is. | ||
| That is amazing. | ||
| A bouncy mammal that will kick you and try to hurt you and fuck you up. | ||
| But they're so nice. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| Yes, they would sit there and I feed them. | ||
| I fed the big guy. | ||
| I took pictures of his balls. | ||
| He let me. | ||
| You've got to be really careful around them. | ||
| See? | ||
| I'm serious. | ||
| Is that a real pose? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They say, though, that if you find them in the wild, you are not supposed to ever approach them. | ||
| Okay, in the wild. | ||
| Is he beating off? | ||
| Is that kangaroo beating off? | ||
| No. | ||
| We saw two having sex. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| The video, though, that kind of went around last week, is a kangaroo is seeing its reflection in somebody's window, and it's trying to fight it. | ||
| But the guy's on the other side with the camera, and it's just this jacked kangaroo punching the window. | ||
| It's scary as fuck. | ||
| Oh my god, is there a video? | ||
| Oh yeah, it's one of the coolest videos. | ||
| It came out last week. | ||
| We just type in a kangaroo window. | ||
| Fist fighting himself in a window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuckers, man. | |
| Shadow boxing a window. | ||
| That's a weird animal. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| I think they're great. | ||
| But it's so weird what it does. | ||
| Like the way it acts. | ||
| It sits on its tail. | ||
| And it's bouncing around these legs. | ||
| And then it's got this jacked upper body. | ||
| They get spooked easy, too. | ||
| Like, this one big one was trying to have sex. | ||
| I'm going to say it wasn't sex. | ||
| It was definitely rape. | ||
| But it was like he was pulling her back and she was trying to get away. | ||
| But the reason she was trying to get away is because there was like a weird wind come. | ||
| Then when it came, they all scattered. | ||
| Then they went under the tree and then they got into it. | ||
| And I was like, oh, maybe she just wanted some privacy. | ||
| It was really interesting how they had to sneak out. | ||
| But she was scared, and then as soon as this weird thing came, it was like a wind, they all went scattered, and then they got back into it. | ||
| It was exciting. | ||
| I like kangaroos. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| This is so scary. | ||
| So it's knock on the door. | ||
| That one's not too jacked. | ||
| Boy, boy, it's creepy though. | ||
| Look at his claws. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| And he starts getting pissed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't you scratch my window. | |
| Don't you scratch my window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is not the right video, maybe. | |
| I guess it is. | ||
| Yeah, because it's a mirror. | ||
| Ew. | ||
| Oh my god, he's throwing himself at the window. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| He's trying to chest bump himself. | ||
| He's trying to fight what he sees as a reflection in the window. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Can you imagine having Nat at your house? | ||
| That is a creepy animal. | ||
| Now, they're beautiful, but... | ||
| They don't eat meat, right? | ||
| Those are herbivores. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Aren't they? | |
| You got me. | ||
| They let us feed them some weird shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What was it like? | |
| He's getting his protein saved. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vegetables? | |
| Yeah, right? | ||
| It smelled terrible, and it looked like little pills. | ||
| Well, you know, gorillas don't eat meat. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, they eat just grasses. | ||
| Yeah, they're 100% vegetarian. | ||
| It's why they're so gentle. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Kangaroos are herbivores. | ||
| They eat grasses, flowers, leaves, ferns, moss, and even insects. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Like cows, kangaroos regurgitate their food and re-chew it before it's ready to be totally digested. | ||
| A juvenile kangaroo views the outside world from the pouch of an adult female. | ||
| All right, now they've seen a little. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Eddie Ift, he got fucking chased by one in Australia. | ||
| He told the story of... | ||
| Really? | ||
| He thought it was fake because it was so big because it was like a fucking seven-foot kangaroo. | ||
| He thought it was fake. | ||
| And he got out of the car, and he was with a bunch of Australians, and he starts walking towards it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And his friend goes, mate! | |
| Stop! | ||
| And his friend stopped him, and he's like, get back in the fucking car! | ||
| And, you know, is that a bad Australian accent? | ||
| Pretty bad, right? | ||
| Get in the car! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get back in the car, mate! | |
| So the dude ran back, Eddie ran back to the car, and apparently this fucking kangaroo was going to go after him. | ||
| Like, this giant kangaroo is like, if you go too close to them, if they think you're a threat, and they've probably been fucked with by people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wouldn't go too close. | |
| Unless they were in a, like, captivity, like where I went to see them. | ||
| Is this chasing a golf court? | ||
| Yeah, chasing after golfers on a golf course. | ||
| Jurassic Park. | ||
| Yeah, I would never do that. | ||
| Here's my point. | ||
| That's frightening to me. | ||
| If that thing ate meat, we'd be fucksville. | ||
| Can you imagine if there was a bunch of them and they ate meat? | ||
| They were predators bouncing. | ||
| We'd kill them. | ||
| We'd have to kill them, right? | ||
| We'd have to kill them. | ||
| But they still want to fight you. | ||
| Is that why they chase you? | ||
| They just are like, oh, I feel like fighting tonight. | ||
| I'm all jacked up. | ||
| UFC kangaroos. | ||
| Now that. | ||
| Why don't they eat meat? | ||
| Is it just their preference? | ||
| Do they ever cross the line and go, you know what, I'm just going to eat this bird right now because I'm hungry? | ||
| Maybe it doesn't taste right to them. | ||
| Well, kangaroos, I don't know if they eat birds, but cows do. | ||
| Cows eat birds when they find them. | ||
| If they find them on the ground, they eat nesting birds. | ||
| They eat birds that fall out of nests that fall on the ground. | ||
| My brother's dog had a dead bird in his mouth when we were home a couple weeks ago. | ||
| See, that's normal though, right? | ||
| With dogs. | ||
| I was at these people's house in Montana and they had this cat. | ||
| This fucking cat had a Graveyard in front of his house. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh yeah. | |
| They're monsters. | ||
| This cat had brought in like two or three birds like that day. | ||
| There was dead birds and there was little tiny sparrows and shit. | ||
| I don't trust cats. | ||
| These two barnyard cats are just wandering around jacking things. | ||
| Are you a cat guy or a dog? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love cats. | |
| I love dogs too though. | ||
| I love, yeah, that's right. | ||
| But I don't know if I could do cats. | ||
| They're too sneaky. | ||
| Yeah, they're just getting by. | ||
| See, this is one. | ||
| This cow's eating a fucking bird, man. | ||
| Yeah, it chases after them, too, man. | ||
| It's not just simply that it ate it by accident. | ||
| There's one of them where these other birds are dive-bombing on his head. | ||
| On her head, I should say. | ||
| It's a girl. | ||
| And as they're dive-bombing on her head, she's just slowly but surely chasing after this little bird that fell on the ground, and then she winds up jacking it in front of its loved ones. | ||
| Enjoy that. | ||
| That's what they do to me. | ||
| You know, bulls only eat grass, too. | ||
| Bulls, like a bull. | ||
| But bulls are super fucking crazy aggressive. | ||
| They've got to put some shit on the grass, don't you think? | ||
| No, they've always been crazy. | ||
| That's why people would ride bulls. | ||
| Because you'd have to be an asshole. | ||
| Somebody just died. | ||
| Some famous bull rider or bull guy just died. | ||
| A matador, right? | ||
| Have you seen the new things where they put the big balls around them and they run around and let bulls like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck, dude! | |
| Well, the matadors don't ride them, right? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| He's talking about something totally different. | ||
| There's a new... | ||
| There's something that people are doing now. | ||
| I don't know if you've seen it. | ||
| They get into, like, a ball. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You climb into a ball. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And you, like, bounce into each other, and you can sort of run and collide into each other. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Have you done it? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| But they're doing it with bulls. | ||
| Okay, that's a little stupid. | ||
| See how crazy that is? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, I can't. | ||
| I guess they can't. | ||
| They have the kind of horns that the poking part is shaped. | ||
| You know, you put those rubber tips on the end of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta put like a little super ball at the end of each one. | |
| A little tennis ball on them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck, man. | |
| That's a sin. | ||
| No, because they have, what's that place with the trampolines? | ||
| See, these people, they get these balls out. | ||
| See, that to me seems like you're going to blow your fucking ACL out. | ||
| That ball's going to clip you low. | ||
| It could still hit you in the dick. | ||
| Oh my god, these people are crazy. | ||
| No, it can't. | ||
| It's covered. | ||
| These people are crazy. | ||
| What is happening here? | ||
| Oh my god, I can't believe they're going to do this. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Okay, so they're standing out here. | ||
| I gotta see these coming. | ||
| And they all have these balls on, and then they just release the bull. | ||
| And it's just running around, kicking. | ||
| Is there more than one bull? | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| Boom! | ||
| He collides in it. | ||
| Oh, fuck that, dude. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| You could get trampled. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| This is a terrible idea. | ||
| Look at that guy. | ||
| He's like, oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's running away. | |
| I mean, he's still running, which is amazing. | ||
| Well, he's lucky he's alive. | ||
| He's certainly lucky that he didn't get gored through the asshole. | ||
| That bull could have easily... | ||
| For people listening, this ball is small. | ||
| It's from the waist up. | ||
| His entire legs are exposed. | ||
| They should have had it so you're in the ball completely. | ||
| Oh, my God! | ||
| Oh, he got hit in the midsection. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| This is terrible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hmm. | |
| Oh my god. | ||
| The horns are out. | ||
| The horns are out. | ||
| See, it got deflated a little. | ||
| Oh my god, it did get deflated. | ||
| Oh, for sure it got deflated. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| It got bent, too. | ||
| And I think the guy's dead. | ||
| He's not moving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Those are hard to get in and out of them. | |
| They are hard to get in and out of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, they're like, senor, senor, it's time to go. | |
| Senor, you've got to wake up. | ||
| I hope as soon as he gets up, the bull comes back. | ||
| Oh my god, he took the thing off. | ||
| He doesn't even have it on. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And the bull's out there... | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| Yeah, I would... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-mm. | |
| Okay, so... | ||
| You can play that game in that little trampoline thing. | ||
| That's the only place to do it. | ||
| What the fuck is it that we love this? | ||
| Like, part of us, like, here, honestly... | ||
| You mean watching people get hurt? | ||
| Yeah, we're watching something fucking ridiculous. | ||
| We're watching it from the point of, like, we're like, oh, man, this is crazy. | ||
| I can't believe they do this. | ||
| Look at him mid-air. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| Come on. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Like, why are we so attracted to this? | ||
| Okay, it is weird that we're attracted to it, but think of a guy, mid-air, with his legs spread eagle, and he's about to land on a bull. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Like, what's going through his head? | ||
| We're watching. | ||
| He's a little slower than we are, don't you think? | ||
| Yeah, well, he probably felt like if it's a thing, it's okay. | ||
| I could do this. | ||
| Yeah, well, people feel like if it's a thing. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, if there's a thing that people do... | ||
| And you're like, oh, other people do it. | ||
| I could do it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's a thing. | |
| He survived it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He might be the first group. | |
| He might be one of the first tasters. | ||
| Yeah, what if they were like, oh, we're testing something out. | ||
| Can you come test this out for us? | ||
| Would you be our guinea pig? | ||
| Would you do it? | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| No, I mean, which is ironic because I hosted Fear Factor. | ||
| But no, I wouldn't. | ||
| I wouldn't want to have anything to do with anything like that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It needs to be bigger. | ||
| It needs to be where you're inside the ball, and it needs to be a stronger material, and then it'll be okay. | ||
| I mean, it's pretty strong material, but still, there's bullhorns coming at you. | ||
| Here's the problem with that. | ||
| Here's how I see it. | ||
| People, I think, vastly overestimate their ability to move their body. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Vastly. | ||
| And they think, when that bull's coming, I'll just fucking go with it, and I'll just fucking, you know, when the bull hits me, it's not going to be like it hits you. | ||
| I'll fake him out. | ||
| Okay, I'm going to know. | ||
| Fake him in the backfield. | ||
| Yeah, all right. | ||
| That bull comes on you so fast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a bad quote right there. | ||
| I got a little excited. | ||
| I don't know about anybody else. | ||
| I bet you did. | ||
| I'm thinking I'm going to get in this bullfight. | ||
| When you see that bull launch that dude into the air, I guarantee you that guy at that moment when he was flying was like, oh no, I fucked up. | ||
| Oh yeah, yeah. | ||
| This is not what I felt like. | ||
| This is way crazier. | ||
| This was not in the brochure. | ||
| You can't control this thing. | ||
| You can't control this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would die. | |
| A guy probably didn't think before or after or during. | ||
| He's probably just a dumbass. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| They're all dumbasses. | ||
| He's probably one of those I don't give a fuck dudes. | ||
| Hey man, I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm crazy. | ||
| I tell you what I'll do. | ||
| I'll climb inside that thing and let that bull hit me. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| You can shoot an apple off my head, dude. | ||
| I ain't scared to die. | ||
| My granddaddy was an Indian. | ||
| 100% Apache, bro. | ||
| I got that warrior blood. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm afraid of this. | ||
| What I gotta do? | ||
| What I gotta do? | ||
| Shit, I'll be the first in line. | ||
| First in line. | ||
| You see their brains slipping out of their skull. | ||
| Bad knees, fucked up, farmer's back. | ||
| I don't give a fuck if it's in there. | ||
| If it was a Fear Factor thing, I would do it. | ||
| Just for the money? | ||
| Like Fear Factor, I would only do the stunts. | ||
| I couldn't do the food. | ||
| I mean, I could barely eat in a regular restaurant. | ||
| You could have got lucky. | ||
| Some people got... | ||
| There was no parody, like, as far as, like, how difficult things were. | ||
| On some shows, there were... | ||
| I mean, it was always totally random what you got, what you had to eat. | ||
| But some of it was easy. | ||
| Like, roaches are easy. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| I'm telling you, roaches, they barely taste like anything. | ||
| Dude, I don't eat mayonnaise. | ||
| Like, I'm the worst. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I'm, like, so picky. | ||
| There's a jizz joke in there somewhere. | ||
| I'm just thinking of that bull. | ||
| Yeah, it comes on you, and boom. | ||
| It's like mayonnaise. | ||
| Here we are, full circle. | ||
| I'm telling you, but it's all in your head because if you eat crabs, you're eating the same thing. | ||
| I don't eat seafood. | ||
| They're like a crab. | ||
| You don't eat seafood at all? | ||
| No, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm the worst. | ||
| Fear factor to me is anything. | ||
| I eat Swedish fish. | ||
| Yeah, but if you really needed the money... | ||
| And you were there, and you looked at the other people you're with, and you're like, I'm not going to let these pussies beat me. | ||
| I know you. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| Yeah, I'm a little competitive, but not... | ||
| I don't know if I could be that competitive, like, letting everybody see me shit my pants right there, because it would probably go right through me. | ||
| That's what I'm afraid of. | ||
| Like, I would throw up or something awful. | ||
| Do you think you have an allergy to weird foods, or is it just you're just... | ||
| No, I think I'm just a little retarded. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I know, I'm not allowed to say that word, sorry. | ||
| Here, this is a retard-free zone. | ||
| I got yelled at on Facebook for that. | ||
| People are angry. | ||
| Let's just go outside. | ||
| Like, literally sent me a list of words to say other than that. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about no? | |
| No. | ||
| So, whatever. | ||
| Language police, they're out there, and they're going to pull you over and give you a ticket, and they feel really good about it. | ||
| I don't like what you're saying. | ||
| I don't like how you're saying it. | ||
| The language police... | ||
| Intent is not as critical as the actual words that come out of your mouth, sweetie. | ||
| The language police, I will punch in the face. | ||
| That kind. | ||
| You'll hit them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The language police. | ||
| Not a regular police. | ||
| I don't do that. | ||
| I'm not crazy. | ||
| You're pro cop. | ||
| I'm pro everybody. | ||
| I think everybody should learn to behave, but... | ||
| It's a language that they're misbehaving to me, the language police, so they get punched in the face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa, punched. | |
| Or maybe I am a little violent, and I apologize. | ||
| That sounds very violent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's Philly. | |
| I love to punch. | ||
| I do love to punch. | ||
| Isn't that terrible? | ||
| You're always punching people. | ||
| You're like one of those, you walk by, you'll punch people in the arm. | ||
| Look, you grew up in my house. | ||
| It's an insane asylum. | ||
| There was 10 of us in a row home. | ||
| So I have six brothers. | ||
| I woke up every day to a punch in the face, you know, or other stuff, whatever. | ||
| Dig to the face. | ||
| That's a lot of tolerance. | ||
| You grew up with a lot of tolerance for bullshit. | ||
| Yeah, so your patience, your skin gets thin. | ||
| I can't tell. | ||
| Thick. | ||
| Thick skinned. | ||
| I have one niece that was a little thin skinned, and then my brothers just beat that out of her. | ||
| Poor thing. | ||
| She didn't know what she was getting into. | ||
| We were like, oh, are you sensitive? | ||
| Come over here for a second. | ||
| And then now she's cool. | ||
| Now she's like, oh, I get it. | ||
| But it's stupid to be sensitive. | ||
| Well, how much could your parents even control you? | ||
| There's so many of you. | ||
| Especially because my parents split up. | ||
| So when I was like eight, they split up. | ||
| So it was like, oh, shit, it's on now. | ||
| Like, they can't catch me now. | ||
| But that wasn't true. | ||
| Because my dad's a Marine, and he only moved like five blocks away. | ||
| And he knew every cop in the neighborhood. | ||
| So if I did anything, he knew the next day. | ||
| Or he'd see me, he'd be out and see me. | ||
| And I'd be like, oh shit. | ||
| But I was afraid of my dad. | ||
| Like, are you guys? | ||
| I'm still afraid of my dad. | ||
| He's 80. Every once in a while, I'd be like, hey dad, you shouldn't do that. | ||
| But I still backed down. | ||
| He's crazy. | ||
| Even today, you couldn't get upset at him and talk to him person to person? | ||
| Hell no! | ||
| I had a fight with my friend. | ||
| I talked to him. | ||
| I call him because I use him for material. | ||
| He just gives gems. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Now he lives in Rehoboth Beach. | ||
| He's retired. | ||
| Where's that? | ||
| It's in Delaware, and it's a predominantly gay area. | ||
| Hollow! | ||
| My dad's a Marine, covered in tattoos. | ||
| He still wears his dog tags. | ||
| That's what they like to jerk off to? | ||
| Yes! | ||
| He did not know that. | ||
| Now he knows that. | ||
| And he also refers to lesbians as girl faggots. | ||
| I'm like, that's not what they are. | ||
| And then I'm like, they're lesbians. | ||
| And he's like, I don't care where they're from. | ||
| The UFC has an openly gay women's bantamweight champion. | ||
| Oh my god, that's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, she's a beast too. | ||
| I would say the UFC, one thing I love about them is that the women are just as good. | ||
| Amanda Nunez is badass. | ||
| She's the new champ. | ||
| She knocked out Misha Tate. | ||
| She stopped her in the first round. | ||
| It was flawless. | ||
| I only saw the highlights, but great fight. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| She's so fast. | ||
| She's like lightning fast. | ||
| Her hands are so explosive. | ||
| She's so hard to get to. | ||
| She's one of those girls, she's like a sprinter, and in the third and fourth and fifth round, that's when she's going to have a hard time because she blows out so much. | ||
| But she takes people out. | ||
| She's very, very good from standing and on the ground as well. | ||
| Her jiu-jitsu is really good, but she's so explosive. | ||
| The only worry or concern that people have is that I wonder if she can sustain that level. | ||
| That's with anybody though, isn't it? | ||
| She's incredible. | ||
| It's really interesting because she has had fights where she kind of faded in the past. | ||
| But you've got to get through that storm that she brings. | ||
| She's so explosive. | ||
| It's between her and... | ||
| I don't think anybody moves quite as fast as her or hits quite as hard as her in that division. | ||
| There might be girls like Holly Holm that might be a little bit more skillful as a striker or much more experienced as a striker. | ||
| But very few people hit with the kind of pop that she's got. | ||
| It's something to watch. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Holly Holm is great, too. | ||
| She's awesome. | ||
| Just watching her. | ||
| And Rhonda's my favorite from the get. | ||
| Like, I wish they had that when I was a kid. | ||
| I think we talked about that before. | ||
| Like, I definitely would have gotten into that as a kid. | ||
| I know you would have. | ||
| Easily, because I wouldn't have gotten arrested as much. | ||
| So it's, like, easier that way. | ||
| There's another woman's Bantamweight that doesn't get enough credit. | ||
| Raquel Pennington. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| You've seen her fight? | ||
| She's good. | ||
| No, I'm trying to scan my brain. | ||
| She's a beast. | ||
| Probably if I see her face, I'm like, oh, I saw this. | ||
| Ferocious. | ||
| Very, very skillful. | ||
| She's like on the outside of the very top. | ||
| But she's beating some really tough people. | ||
| I watch and I get jealous. | ||
| I'm like, I want to get in there. | ||
| Holly Holm and her fought in Holly Holm's UFC debut, and it was a split decision. | ||
| Really close fight. | ||
| She's very good. | ||
| And better now than she was then. | ||
| And then she wears a shirt that says Rocky. | ||
| Killer. | ||
| Anything that says Rocky. | ||
| She's got this one submission victory where she catches this girl Ashley Evans-Smith in a bulldog choke and chokes her unconscious with like one second to go in the first round. | ||
| She lets go over her neck and she's out cold in this puddle of blood. | ||
| It was one of those where you're doing commentary. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| It was a screamer. | ||
| It was so ridiculous. | ||
| But women's bantamweight division is filled with fucking killers now. | ||
| There's so many good fighters. | ||
| It's like they're trading titles now. | ||
| And they're the main events, which I love. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| That's a big, big deal. | ||
| Women's sports, you know, they don't... | ||
| Well, it's definitely a big deal for the biggest pay-per-view ever. | ||
| I mean, obviously it wasn't going to be if Jon Jones didn't test positive for something. | ||
| Right, I get it. | ||
| But because he did... | ||
| It's switched around. | ||
| Is he admitting to it yet? | ||
| Is he saying what he did? | ||
| No, he's not saying anything. | ||
| Chael P. Sonnen leaked the information during my last podcast, so it's out. | ||
| Chael has leaked out information. | ||
| Is it what he said to me out there? | ||
| I know nothing. | ||
| I didn't hear anything. | ||
| I wasn't even here. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| Honestly, I'm in a weird position because I don't think he's supposed to be talking about the medical results until it gets released. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
| I'm going to plead ignorance. | ||
| I plead ignorance all day. | ||
| It's my middle name, I think. | ||
| He probably took boner pills because they have all that shit in them. | ||
| Boner pills have steroids in them. | ||
| Why do you have a boner pill in your hand? | ||
| Because I just found Joe's gas station over here. | ||
| It has like the best... | ||
| I've never seen these rhinoceroses. | ||
| Brian is known for his love of the boner pill. | ||
| He is what you would call a boner pill connoisseur. | ||
| He's actually read blogs about boner pills and directed me to reviews of boner pills. | ||
| I'm really terrified. | ||
| These things have steroids in them. | ||
| They have a bunch of stuff. | ||
| Wasn't the last thing he got busted for cocaine or something? | ||
| If you do cocaine, a lot of guys take these because you can get hard off of having cocaine. | ||
| If he takes boner pills, then he's going to be tested for steroids. | ||
| I think this is a little too much speculation for a person who I deeply respect. | ||
| I'm going to have to step out of this conversation. | ||
| Are you going to take the boner pill now? | ||
| I can neither confirm nor deny. | ||
| Can I switch seats? | ||
| It's not like he turns into a werewolf. | ||
| It'd be hilarious if he just starts chasing us around the room. | ||
| Do you want me to take one? | ||
| He just lays his dick out on the table. | ||
| Oh my god, what would happen? | ||
| That one has a four inch clitoris. | ||
| I don't need this. | ||
| That one has a hologram of a rhino and you turn it and it turns into a butt. | ||
| A woman's butt. | ||
| Oh, interesting. | ||
| And this is at the gas station? | ||
| How do you know what are the good ones and what are the bad ones? | ||
| How do you know what to take? | ||
| I've come to the conclusion that if it has a rhinoceros on it, it works. | ||
| And the great thing, if you're lucky, lived in New York City. | ||
| New York City has these bodegas everywhere. | ||
| They all have them. | ||
| And they have older product, which is usually stronger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because... | |
| Oh yeah, because they haven't gotten in there. | ||
| Because people have died from them already. | ||
| Like you're going to have a giant heart on cock, but not... | ||
| Okay, we keep talking about this, but we need to fucking run a test. | ||
| Here, take one. | ||
| And find out what... | ||
| No, I'm not going to take it, but what I'm thinking about doing is taking it to a laboratory. | ||
| Oh, there you go. | ||
| And find out what's in it. | ||
| But I don't want the fucking Chinese triad to be after me. | ||
| Like some shitty Mickey Rourke movie. | ||
| No, I shouldn't even say shitty. | ||
| The good one. | ||
| Year of the Dragon. | ||
| That was a great fucking movie. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that was a good movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It wasn't shitty. | |
| I was going for comic effect. | ||
| I had to check myself for reality. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Listen, I'm pro-rhino. | ||
| You want to sell these things? | ||
| Good. | ||
| Hope they work. | ||
| They're great. | ||
| Just don't take the black cat ones or any of the cat ones because those ones actually made me see visuals and stuff. | ||
| Are you serious? | ||
| I think it's like blood pressure or something, maybe. | ||
| It's all fucked up, so don't take those, because that fucks with your blood pressure. | ||
| Pretty hardcore. | ||
| Yeah, don't take risks. | ||
| If he tells you don't take it, don't take it, folks. | ||
| Trust me. | ||
| I don't care where you think your tolerances lie. | ||
| If you think you have the same tolerance as Redband, you're incorrect. | ||
| He's got you. | ||
| But do they get you high? | ||
| They make you kind of rage. | ||
| Well, the ones that have the steroids in them, which I've found, I think most of them have steroids in them. | ||
| You could tell the difference with those because you immediately want to fuck. | ||
| You're not only getting hard, you're like, I need to get laid right now. | ||
| That's like Molly. | ||
| I know you directed me to a website. | ||
| FDA.gov. | ||
| But one of them that was explaining all the different ingredients that were in these things, that a guy broke it down, and what they do to you. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| There's a few of those, but unfortunately, that guy doesn't... | ||
| He's only talking about what's on the back, like what they're saying that's in it. | ||
| Oh, he didn't test it? | ||
| I thought he tested it. | ||
| Let's see if anybody's ever actually tested what is in boner pills. | ||
| FDA has. | ||
| Has anyone tested the word? | ||
| FDA tells you everything that's in all of them. | ||
| You could even look up Rhino, and you see some older ones on there, and they're usually... | ||
| Steroids, and it's usually Viagra. | ||
| Generic Viagra. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So the FDA has a list of what they called them, right? | ||
| The names. | ||
| But what's to stop you from just starting to sell something called Rhino 10? | ||
| Like, this is Rhino 7. Like, you don't have... | ||
| I bet they don't own Rhino. | ||
| No. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| The same company actually has, like, the Rhino brand, the one that you're holding right now, has, I've got all the way up to Rhino 69. And I have about 20 different Rhinos. | ||
| So they just change the number every time they get in trouble to a different one. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Public notification. | ||
| MySteelWoody contains hidden drug ingredient. | ||
| The Food and Drug Administration is advising consumers not to purchase or use MySteelWoody, a product promoted and sold for sexual enhancement on various websites, including blah, blah, blah, and possibly some retail stores. | ||
| The FDA laboratory analysis confirmed that MySteelWoody contains... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sildenafil? | |
| Oh, that's Viagra. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, it says, it's the, how do you say that word? | ||
| Sildenafil. | ||
| Sildenafil. | ||
| Is that it? | ||
| I'm just going to trust you on that. | ||
| It's the active ingredient in Viagra, so the main ingredient in Viagra. | ||
| Used to treat erectile dysfunction. | ||
| The undeclared ingredient may interact with nitrates found in some prescription drugs such as... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So that's like, for people who have heart issues, when they take blood pressure medication, if they're taking Viagra at the same time, they could fucking croak. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or if you have diabetes, don't take it. | ||
| Because these things will fuck you up. | ||
| So these MySteelWoody guys... | ||
| So if you don't know... | ||
| These corrupt fuckers... | ||
| Oh my god, hold up. | ||
| Scroll all the way up. | ||
| Go back to the top. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit! | |
| The public notifications of how many drugs contain... | ||
| Or how many of these supplements contain drugs. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| So public notification... | ||
| Rhino 7. Hold on a second. | ||
| Sextra... | ||
| Contains hidden drug ingredients. | ||
| Neophase natural sex enhancer contains a hidden drug ingredient. | ||
| There's like a list over and over and over and over. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| Rhino-7. | ||
| Yeah, there's Rhino-7. | ||
| Scroll back up. | ||
| Rhino-7. | ||
| Rhino 7 Blue 9000. Look, this is Rhino 7 Blue. | ||
| 9000? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They just changed the number. | ||
| 5200. Oh look, it's right there. | ||
| What's the batch? | ||
| What's the new name? | ||
| No headache. | ||
| John Jones has a headache. | ||
| Why does it say no headache? | ||
| Oh Brian, you're so rude. | ||
| I can't believe you. | ||
| This is awful. | ||
| I wonder if Jon Jones, if he did take these, if he could sue Rhino, say, bullshit, I got a headache from it. | ||
| You say no headache. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| I mean, the word is bond, right? | ||
| Millions of dollars. | ||
| If it's written on the front of the package. | ||
| Isn't word is bond? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I mean, that holds true. | ||
| This is, wow. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| I can't believe that. | ||
| I just don't understand. | ||
| If someone was going to take something like that, why wouldn't you take... | ||
| Why don't you just take Viagra if you knew what's in Viagra? | ||
| If you're going to get Viagra, you're going to get it. | ||
| Do you have to get a prescription for that? | ||
| I'll tell you what, man. | ||
| Yeah, I guess so, yeah. | ||
| I mean, you can get it on the street. | ||
| You can get anything on the street, but I mean... | ||
| At shows now, a lot of guys give me Viagra. | ||
| That's like, hey, Brian, instead of giving me weed, they'll just give me, I got you some Viagra. | ||
| But I try it now. | ||
| It's not even close. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's happening to you? | |
| It's not even close to the... | ||
| It's not even close though. | ||
| Like this, this little store-bought Rhino 7, way better than a Viagra or any of the Cialis's. | ||
| So it's what you think is probably like steroids and maybe like amphetamines or something? | ||
| It's swole. | ||
| It swells up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I really have to switch, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's holding his dick like one of them salamis that hangs in Italian stores. | |
| I'm like, wow, did you get bit by something? | ||
| I could sell it to Uncle Steve. | ||
| Will you take one of these? | ||
| Will you take one of these home and take one of these? | ||
| Yeah, that doesn't seem like a good idea. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck is in those things, dude. | ||
| I'm not into taking something, some mystery drug. | ||
| Well, you just saw the list of everything that's in it. | ||
| They made that shit on an island somewhere in the South Pacific. | ||
| They have slaves churning those out. | ||
| I mean, who knows what the difference is batch to batch? | ||
| There's no, like, quality control. | ||
| Like, this is the Wild West. | ||
| Which batch are you talking about? | ||
| You're putting shit in your body! | ||
| I know. | ||
| Are you really good at, like, everything you put in your body, you know what it is and what goes into it? | ||
| As much as you can, but if you eat at restaurants, you don't really know. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| I'm the worst. | ||
| I'm... | ||
| Do you eat everything? | ||
| No. | ||
| You eat nothing? | ||
| I don't eat anything, but I eat shitty food. | ||
| I mean, like, eat whatever you want. | ||
| I know you don't eat seafood at all, right? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| No, I don't like seafood. | ||
| But you eat like a monster. | ||
| But you have a great metabolism. | ||
| You've always had a crazy metabolism. | ||
| True, but I like candy. | ||
| Like, I'd eat Swedish fish and think, oh, I had fish for dinner. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, I love candy, stuff like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're okay. | |
| Cake, cookies. | ||
| Well, I took a boner pill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You ate the fish and you feel like you had fish for dinner. | |
| I feel uncomfortable. | ||
| If you did take one of those, I wonder, that's what we should wonder. | ||
| Well, I'll tell you what happens. | ||
| Oh, put it in me? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shit. | |
| Wait a minute. | ||
| That came out wrong. | ||
| So somebody gave me a Viagra or Cialis, the blue one. | ||
| I think that's a Viagra. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I didn't want to take it, so I put it in my Zantac container. | ||
| Zantac. | ||
| It's for heartburn. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Zantac. | ||
| I was like, you know, I don't want to fly with this pill in my pocket. | ||
| Somebody's put it in my Zantac. | ||
| Forgot I did that. | ||
| My girlfriend took it by mistake thinking it was a Zantac. | ||
| And she said that she felt weird, like felt tingly and stuff like that, but it didn't do anything. | ||
| Does it look like a Zantac? | ||
| It looks like a Zantac. | ||
| Imagine if she went to work and got popped for steroids. | ||
| You know, if she had a job at UPS or something like that. | ||
| Ma'am, we're going to have to get your urine sample. | ||
| Well, you're wasting your time here. | ||
| I don't even smoke pot. | ||
| Your pants are swelling up. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| They get it back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Your employees are on fucking hardcore steroids. | |
| This bitch is tweaking. | ||
| She's trying. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Terrible. | |
| Yeah, she had a horse's foot. | ||
| A horse's foot? | ||
| She said it was kind of tingly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get it? | |
| Not a moose knuckle, but a horse's foot? | ||
| It was going like this. | ||
| Moose knuckle is a weird... | ||
| That's a good one. | ||
| That is a silly... | ||
| That's a funny thing to say. | ||
| If you don't think that moose knuckle is funny, it's because you're avoiding humor. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| You're avoiding opportunities to lie. | ||
| You're not a good person at heart. | ||
| You really aren't. | ||
| You should check yourself all the way through. | ||
| Out of all the animals... | ||
| I mean, how many people actually see a moose knuckle? | ||
| I know what that looks like. | ||
| We had to have photos before it became a moose knuckle. | ||
| Because it's not like that many people see a moose. | ||
| I just think men... | ||
| There it is. | ||
| That's a moose knuckle. | ||
| That's a total moose knuckle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's a guy. | |
| That is a guy only on paper. | ||
| Only on paper. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| But think about it. | ||
| Trouble using the restroom. | ||
| I bet they would never call it moose knuckle in the 1800s because they didn't have any pictures. | ||
| They had to see a moose. | ||
| You had to see a photo of a moose. | ||
| Women weren't allowed to wear pants, I think. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's true. | |
| That too. | ||
| But, like, for the longest time. | ||
| So that's, like, an expression that we can prove, like, did not exist before that. | ||
| Because if you, like, lived in New York in, like, 1830, and you said, oh, I see your moose knuckle, they'd be like, what the fuck does a moose knuckle look like? | ||
| He's from the future. | ||
| They don't even know, they don't have a photo. | ||
| They're just looking at a drawing. | ||
| I wonder what they used to call it, like a slave foot? | ||
| Or maybe you could just see a moose walking around, because they weren't... | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| They held up back then. | ||
| Yeah, but I don't think there were that many that you would see them if you lived in a city. | ||
| If you lived in Maine, you're like, oh, he's just walking through. | ||
| How many moose, though? | ||
| See, it's not native to that much. | ||
| It doesn't have a large range in North America. | ||
| It's got the northern states. | ||
| You're right, yeah. | ||
| Colorado, Maine has moose, New Hampshire. | ||
| I remember seeing a sign, watch out for the moose, because they're real tall. | ||
| They're huge. | ||
| Your car could hit them or something. | ||
| I was terrified. | ||
| It was the creepiest, longest drive I've ever done. | ||
| Well, they're scary because you die when you hit one of those. | ||
| Those things kill people. | ||
| But then deer, too. | ||
| Deer just dart out now anywhere. | ||
| Deer kill 200 people a year in car accidents in just the United States. | ||
| Yeah, there was a ton I saw in Jersey just a couple weeks ago. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Jersey's infested. | ||
| I didn't see deer. | ||
| I just saw the signs. | ||
| But there was more than I've ever seen. | ||
| Yeah, they're everywhere. | ||
| Everybody was talking about hitting deers. | ||
| And I'm like, what? | ||
| And people are like, it's because our predators. | ||
| You've gotten rid of all the predators. | ||
| Oh yeah, well let's just let some fucking hyenas and mountain lions loose. | ||
| Take out all the deer. | ||
| Bring them back. | ||
| Then you've got hyenas and mountain lions around your kids, you fucking wackadoo. | ||
| People are crazy. | ||
| They're crazy. | ||
| I mean, I love crazy, but at the same time, they're going a little too far with the crazy these days. | ||
| Well, don't you think, like, as a comedian, like, you are... | ||
| We need them? | ||
| No. | ||
| I mean, it's funny. | ||
| It's fun sometimes, because it's something to push back against. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because some of them are just so ridiculous. | ||
| It's so regressive. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Trying to control people. | ||
| You're not... | ||
| An openly tolerant person is someone who wants to communicate the difference between their ideas and your ideas. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's not what's going on. | ||
| I joke about my dad. | ||
| He's the most un-PC person there is. | ||
| I know there's a lot, but he's at the top, I think. | ||
| He's pretty bad. | ||
| The guys from that generation... | ||
| Yeah, but my nieces and nephews, the young ones, they yell at them, pop, pop, you can't talk like that. | ||
| You know, pop, pop, you can't say that. | ||
| He's like, what the hell is this kid talking? | ||
| You know, my dad has, like, weapons everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's crazy. | |
| Jesus. | ||
| It's, like, insane. | ||
| Like, people are like, oh, my God, gun violence. | ||
| I literally went home. | ||
| I was working on the East Coast, right? | ||
| And I went to a funeral. | ||
| My dad's brother, my Uncle Tom, his girlfriend died, 88 years old. | ||
| He's still, what I'm saying, is taking rhino pills, obviously. | ||
| So, whatever. | ||
| So, there was a funeral, and then we went to his house, and he's this tough, tough man, like a real man. | ||
| Like, he built bridges. | ||
| That's what he did with his life. | ||
| You know, he was a Marine for years, and he stood up to, like, look out the window, and his belt buckle was dangling, and it said NRA. And I was like, Oh, Jesus Christ. | ||
| I forgot where I was from for a minute. | ||
| Like, these are the people that I grew up around. | ||
| Like, I didn't... | ||
| It never fazed me. | ||
| But we were always taught, like, you know, you don't touch that. | ||
| You don't do this. | ||
| But my dad had grenades in the typewriter store. | ||
| Like, I don't know what we need these for, Dad, but... | ||
| Are you seeing things that we're not? | ||
| What is happening in here? | ||
| But he was like that. | ||
| Me and my brothers, of course, we would get into it. | ||
| You know how classic that description is? | ||
| My dad had grenades at his typewriter store. | ||
| You're dealing with madness here. | ||
| Full-blown madness. | ||
| First of all, any dude with a typewriter store should be watched. | ||
| And any guy, ladies, please do me a favor. | ||
| If you go over a guy's house and he says that he's a poet and he's got a typewriter, run. | ||
| Just get out of there. | ||
| Run or call me, I can fix the typewriter. | ||
| Especially if it's one of those old-schooly typewriters. | ||
| If that guy writes all his stuff in an old-schooly... | ||
| That's called manual. | ||
| Please don't fuck that guy, girls. | ||
| Just make him change. | ||
| I called my dad three days ago, and I said, what are you doing? | ||
| He said, fixing a typewriter. | ||
| I go, will you please stop this? | ||
| Like, I thought he was kidding. | ||
| But here the neighbor still types letters out, and something broke, and my dad had to clean it up for him. | ||
| And he goes, I had to re-spool the ribbon. | ||
| And then I started having flashbacks. | ||
| I'm like, why do I know how to re-spool ribbon? | ||
| Why wasn't I educated properly in life? | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, that's it. | ||
| All I know is typewriters. | ||
| I could fix your typewriter. | ||
| I could do it. | ||
| That thing is crazy to me. | ||
| That laptop? | ||
| I don't know what that is. | ||
| Remember when you had to erase something? | ||
| You had, like, the little white thing that you put in? | ||
| Yeah, kill it. | ||
| Instead of just hitting delete? | ||
| We used to sell those, man. | ||
| $1.99. | ||
| We used to have to paint over it. | ||
| And then you would back up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Go all the way back, mess it up. | ||
| My dad types with one finger. | ||
| I would have never learned how to type if it wasn't for video games. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| I learned how to type. | ||
| I learned how to type 100% so I could talk to people quicker when I was playing Quake. | ||
| That's how I learned how to type. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| That's a good angle for people like, well, you don't need typing now, but we had typing in high school, because especially women, they're like, yeah, learn to type. | ||
| You're not going to do anything else. | ||
| Well, I used to write all my stuff out longhand until I started playing video games. | ||
| And when I started video games is also when I started writing blogs. | ||
| I started working on figuring out how to type, and I got one of those Mavis Bacon things. | ||
| You ever do that? | ||
| It's like a game. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| I never got into video games at all. | ||
| No, no, but Mavis Bacon teaches typing. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So it's a typing program, but it's a video game. | ||
| And I still don't know it. | ||
| I grew up in a typewriter store. | ||
| Well, it's probably only for videos. | ||
| Oh, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Or only for computers. | ||
| But it's awesome. | ||
| It's like really a great way to learn because the things show up and you're supposed to keep your hands in the position, the perfect position. | ||
| Home keys. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And then when the little things are moving across, it's like you have to try to keep up with what's being typed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you have to follow it underneath. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| And there's, like, games you play, and I sound like a spokesperson. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like this. | |
| Yeah, you are. | ||
| But that's how I learned to type. | ||
| I learned to type doing that. | ||
| Can you do it without looking? | ||
| Like, are you that good? | ||
| Oh, my mom's that person. | ||
| But I don't do it totally correct. | ||
| You know, I probably had a hurt finger when I learned, so I lift up one of them or something. | ||
| I think I use, like, four on one side and three on the other side. | ||
| Yeah, there's definitely, like, an odd... | ||
| I remember they used to yell, like, in typing class, like, Do use your pinkies. | ||
| These bitches are not cooperative. | ||
| Yeah, they don't work the way you think. | ||
| No, they don't work that good. | ||
| You're like, go, go, and it's not going. | ||
| You're like, ah, fuck it, and you use the other finger. | ||
| Yeah, my pinkies are so uncooperative. | ||
| It's like little toes. | ||
| But these fingers, like, I got it, I got it, I got it. | ||
| Just give it to me, stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know what the fuck you're doing. | |
| Come on, come on, come on, come on. | ||
| My pinky's like, I got it, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why are you being such an asshole? | |
| Like, look at the difference. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like, fuck it, dude. | |
| I can fucking do it, dude. | ||
| I can fucking totally do it. | ||
| Don't tell me I can't do it, dude. | ||
| I can do it just as good as you do it. | ||
| Look at me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at me, you fuck. | |
| You can't do shit. | ||
| Come on! | ||
| You're stoned. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all for everybody. | |
| Oh, my God. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm done, bro. | |
| Fuck you, man. | ||
| I'm just as good as you, man. | ||
| My pinkies are strong, man. | ||
| It's all about your mind, bro. | ||
| Talk about your mentality. | ||
| You guys are retarded. | ||
| Talk about your mentality. | ||
| Your mentality is no good. | ||
| Wasn't that was not Sally Jessie Raphael one of those fucking shows it might have been Jenny Jones. | ||
| I don't remember which show it was. | ||
| That's old school, right? | ||
| But I never forget this dude because there's this girl and she's like dressing really trashy and she's like Disrespecting her mom is always crazy shit going on and this dude gets up in the audience gets up in the audience and you know Do you have any anything you want to say to her? | ||
| You know, they'd go to the audience. | ||
| Yeah people's responses He goes If you had a good personality, you could pull that off. | ||
| If you had some panaz. | ||
| He goes, but your personality sucks, and that make you look nasty. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I never forget that dude. | ||
| Your personality sucks. | ||
| And that made you look nasty. | ||
| And everybody was like, oh shit! | ||
| It was me and Candy Alexander when we were on news radio together. | ||
| We were in between takes and we were hanging out in one of the break rooms or whatever it was. | ||
| And we were watching one of those daytime shows. | ||
| This was pre-internet, man. | ||
| There was no internet back then. | ||
| Yeah, that was like the perfect, what they look for now on the internet is what we use to watch. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, the internet existed, but you go to like AOL.com or something like that. | ||
| You never saw anything like that. | ||
| No. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How long do you think it's been since all that's been coming up? | ||
| I feel like I have no idea of the time frame of when this became the thing. | ||
| It's kind of snuck up on us, right? | ||
| It keeps getting more and more embedded in everybody's life. | ||
| Ari Shafir and Big Jay Oakerson did a fucking hilarious podcast where Ari and Big Jay are on a roof in New York City. | ||
| And they're peeping tomming on this girl and this guy. | ||
| Sounds so Ari. | ||
| Yeah, and this girl and this guy, they keep about to get it on, and they check their phones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Shut up! | |
| They're on top of each other, checking their phones, on each other. | ||
| Like, she's riding him, and she's checking her phone, and he pauses in, like, grabbing her ass. | ||
| He pauses and grabs his phone. | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| Might be Pokemon Go. | ||
| I mean, yeah, right? | ||
| It could be a Pokemon. | ||
| I want to talk to you about Pokemon. | ||
| I want to know what it is. | ||
| But it does. | ||
| It does make sense. | ||
| Well, who would do that? | ||
| People are crazy. | ||
| They're sucked into phones. | ||
| Phones draw you in. | ||
| Were they looking for sexual positions on these phones? | ||
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no. | ||
| They're checking their text messages. | ||
| Bullshit. | ||
| Yes, guaranteed. | ||
| Some people just can't help it. | ||
| Oh, I got another message. | ||
| What's my message? | ||
| Oh, I got another message. | ||
| If you're having sex? | ||
| Yes, they were about to have sex. | ||
| Some things trump other things. | ||
| Some people are crazy. | ||
| There are people that are flat out, 100% attached to that phone. | ||
| This is step one, Eleanor. | ||
| This is step one. | ||
| I've been with addicts. | ||
| They didn't stop. | ||
| This is different. | ||
| This is different. | ||
| The phone thing is different. | ||
| Because if you wanted to say that phones are a drug, Okay, it's an addiction. | ||
| You'd have to sort out the consequences. | ||
| What are the consequences of this drug? | ||
| We don't know about that. | ||
| The consequences of coffee are pretty mundane. | ||
| It's no big deal. | ||
| You get fired up. | ||
| This might be the most addictive drug ever. | ||
| If it was a drug, if it wasn't an object, what drug do you walk down the street and you see everyone on? | ||
| Everyone. | ||
| Everyone holding their phone, looking at their phone. | ||
| No one looks up. | ||
| When you're looking down streets, you might see 40-50% of the people holding a phone. | ||
| I mean, that is, obviously it's a device, but let's just classify it as an obsession or as something that you're a fixation, perhaps. | ||
| Something that is just overwhelmingly influential in the fact that you pay so much attention to it in your life. | ||
| This is more of a lover than anyone you've ever known. | ||
| This fucking thing is with you while you shit. | ||
| It's with you all the time. | ||
| It's a companion. | ||
| But it doesn't trump sex. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| It depends on the girl. | ||
| Maybe. | ||
| I don't know what's going to happen. | ||
| I actually already feel it. | ||
| His legs are open and he's toward me right now. | ||
| I'm going to start looking at her butt. | ||
| You've probably been doing them for so long that you have pathways carved in your anatomy. | ||
| Yes, I'm terrified. | ||
| I'm feeling an imprint on my back. | ||
| The Pokemon game is taking it to the next level. | ||
| What the hell is it? | ||
| Explain what's going on. | ||
| The easiest way to say what Pokemon is, it takes Google Maps. | ||
| You have to sign into Google. | ||
| It takes Google Maps and all the information that's in Google Maps, and it makes it the level of a video game. | ||
| So instead of playing a level, you're playing your own street. | ||
| You're finding creatures in your house. | ||
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, so then there's places, like churches are called gyms. | ||
| That's where you go, and if you go to a church, you can train your fighter to be stronger and stuff like that. | ||
| So you're using real-world places and landmarks, and you're finding things at water fountains. | ||
| If you go to the water fountain, there's a bunch of coins there. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And what's crazy is if you're at the comedy store... | ||
| On Google Maps, you can upload your own photos. | ||
| I was at the Comedy Store on Google Maps. | ||
| So it pulls that information also. | ||
| So if you're playing the game, you'll be like, oh, there's an Andy Kaufman sign. | ||
| If we go to the Andy Kaufman sign, we can get some treasures. | ||
| And it shows you the Andy Kaufman sign in the video game. | ||
| But here's the crazy thing. | ||
| In two days, almost every single person has downloaded it and played it. | ||
| I have not. | ||
| And the crazy thing I was thinking of How awesome is it that it's connected to Google and we're sending... | ||
| Because it opens your camera at parts of the game when you're battling and it's scanning your room, your houses, and it's sending it to Google. | ||
| You're crazy. | ||
| So this is like the best way that Google is now getting a complete map of our house inside. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| It's scanning every street. | ||
| In like one year, Google is going to be able to see every single inch of every single place inside and outside because of this game. | ||
| How long has it been out? | ||
| Like three days, right? | ||
| Three days. | ||
| It's already on more phones on Android than Tinder, and it's about to pass up Twitter. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really think we should bring typewriters back. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| And no one's thinking about this, though. | ||
| We're just opening our camera and recording our rooms and sending it to Google. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wait a minute. | |
| I'm not. | ||
| Is this real? | ||
| Joe, you're not. | ||
| How are you? | ||
| I was just looking up. | ||
| I knew we were going to talk about it, so I pulled up some stuff already. | ||
| The interesting thing that's happening with it being on open GPS maps is those places, those locations, there's a guy's home that's been turned into one of these gyms, and he's mad that people are showing up outside of his place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| It's because he bought an old church. | ||
| And so churches in the game automatically become gyms. | ||
| So people are hanging outside of his house now. | ||
| But also, interesting things like this has happened, where the Westboro Baptist Church has been overtaken by a gay-friendly Pokemon. | ||
| And so people are kind of, I don't know, necessarily trolling them and whatnot. | ||
| Now that I kind of like. | ||
| But then, by walking around and looking for things, a teenager found a dead body somewhere. | ||
| In just three days, they've already found it. | ||
| What? | ||
| A dead body found by a teenager hunting water Pokemon? | ||
| Yeah, she found it underneath a bridge. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| This last part, too. | ||
| I was trying to get a water Pokemon, Wiggins told CNN. Instead, she made an alarming discovery. | ||
| A dead body close to the Wyoming Highway 789 bridge. | ||
| I probably would have never went down there if it weren't for this game, she admitted. | ||
| But the scary incident isn't deterring her. | ||
| Wiggins says she will continue to play the game. | ||
| I saw somebody playing on the highway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Everybody's playing the game. | |
| On the way here, I saw somebody playing on the highway. | ||
| Oh my god, traffic's bad enough. | ||
| We don't need this. | ||
| Last night when I was waiting for my Uber at my house, just three minutes, I saw two different groups of kids, one on skateboards and one on bikes, just playing the game. | ||
| And what's scary is on that article, now armed robbers are robbing people at certain places in the game because they know the kids are going to be there with new phones, like iPhones and stuff. | ||
| So they're waiting at certain places, coming out, stealing their phones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| The game allows players to drop a lure module in a real world location to attract high numbers of Pokemon for 30 minutes. | ||
| The lure modules have reportedly also been used by business owners to bring people to their stores. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, so this is the next level. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| This is what starts the next level. | ||
| This kind of thing. | ||
| The next level of... | ||
| What's that? | ||
| This is augmented reality that's going to take over. | ||
| And it's also scanning, just like Snapchat scanned all our faces using all these filters now, and they have perfect, they could 3D model all our faces now because we've been scanning our faces. | ||
| Now, they're scanning the whole entire United States. | ||
| They're going to have maps of everything inside and outside in like less than a year. | ||
| Well, didn't we think, though, that eventually that that was going to be inevitable and that was going to be unavoidable? | ||
| The technology is going to dissolve all the windows. | ||
| Well, this is the next dissolving of the windows. | ||
| There's no more curtains down the window. | ||
| But it's also fascinating that it's an augmented reality. | ||
| Like, that's what got everybody in. | ||
| Like, that the augmented reality is what snuck everybody in. | ||
| And everybody's like, I'm in! | ||
| Let's play a game! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yay! | |
| I'm part of the game! | ||
| And you're like, what is happening? | ||
| You're completely sucked into this very bizarre new world where you're playing a game wrapped around your own actual environment. | ||
| What are you showing me? | ||
| This guy owns the gem of that guy's house. | ||
| So he's a virtual owner of his property, technically. | ||
| And it can be won or stolen or taken. | ||
| I don't know how it works. | ||
| Woohoo, I met the owner of my gym. | ||
| Nice guy. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| He's like, yeah, please don't tell anybody where I live, dude. | ||
| Please get away from my house right now. | ||
| I mean, they're going to get sued. | ||
| Those Pokemon people are going to get sued, for sure. | ||
| There's going to be a lot of lawsuits about this game. | ||
| There's going to be a lot of people dying. | ||
| Like I said, on the way here, I saw somebody using it while driving. | ||
| No, what are you doing? | ||
| Do you think that dead body was somebody trying to get a water Pokemon that just missed? | ||
| No, that dead body was probably somebody murdered or a homeless person, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it doesn't have to be... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just saying. | |
| He could have been under there. | ||
| Where's the water? | ||
| Well, there's so many... | ||
| Okay, when you find something, find like a water lure, is that what it was? | ||
| No, it's a lure. | ||
| It's this thing that you can drop on the ground. | ||
| So did someone drop it where the dead person was? | ||
| No, she was just searching for Pokemon. | ||
| It reminds me of when you're a kid and you're on your bicycle. | ||
| Scavenger hunt? | ||
| Bicycle and you're going around your neighborhood, like playing adventure, like looking at things and finding things. | ||
| It's kind of like that. | ||
| It makes you kind of go out in your neighborhood and look at stuff. | ||
| Like I didn't know that there was like a Buddha across the street in like this forest by my house. | ||
| And I found out by this game because I was like, go here, you know, there's some stuff here. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| So it's kind of cool because it shows you around your neighborhood and stuff like that that you might have not known. | ||
| It's kind of like that old game, that geo-tagging game that people used to play where it's like, go to these coordinates and you'll find like a present and, you know. | ||
| Dude, if you got really cynical, you'd be like, it's like some sort of an alien talking to you going, Move around your coordinates and take photographs of everything so I can recreate it perfectly. | ||
| It's really interesting to see what businesses are doing. | ||
| Like Dairy Queen, like I said, dropped something on the ground and it's like paying customers only can come here and get Pokemon. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| That's probably smart. | ||
| That's smart for them. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| I grew up in South Philly. | ||
| We didn't look at anything and if we saw something we just kept walking. | ||
| That's just how it goes. | ||
| Well, we don't have to do that anymore, Eleanor. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| There's no more slaves, and you don't have to ride a horse around. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I'm going to go taking pictures around my mom's neighborhood. | ||
| Yeah, all right. | ||
| So let me explain to me, because let me understand how this works. | ||
| You're playing it. | ||
| So if you're playing it, what are you seeing? | ||
| What are you seeing on the ground? | ||
| Right now, I see nothing. | ||
| I'm looking around. | ||
| I can see down the street, there's some cool places to get more coins. | ||
| It's called Pokeballs, which you use to capture animals. | ||
| So these places exist... | ||
| How? | ||
| They just decide that the things are there? | ||
| It's random, but what they usually do is they take certain things in Google Maps. | ||
| All the churches are gyms where you go to work out and stuff like that, your Pokemons. | ||
| Then they take things like the comedy store and they know it's a landmark. | ||
| So there's a lot going on there. | ||
| Like last night, if you go to the comedy store now, you haven't been there in a couple of days, every single person's playing. | ||
| Every single person working there is playing. | ||
| Everyone's just out there on their phones. | ||
| How did this happen so quick? | ||
| It's huge, man. | ||
| Dude, I just heard about this like maybe two days ago. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| Two days ago I saw a couple pictures and I was like, what's happening? | ||
| It started as an April Fool's joke on YouTube, this video of someone made a fake application that looked like this and it turned out to be a really good idea that someone... | ||
| It's now out. | ||
| Yeah, overnight it's doing because it really hits this nerve in your head of collecting things. | ||
| And when you're going like, look what I've collected. | ||
| And it's the perfect thing to do when you're bored. | ||
| I was in the Uber. | ||
| I'm just sitting there while we're driving by the Hollywood Bowl. | ||
| I'm like, oh, there's some cool stuff here. | ||
| I'm going to get here. | ||
| So it's a good thing to do when you have nothing else to do. | ||
| What do you mean get? | ||
| It's like you're collecting virtual items. | ||
| It's like you're collecting virtual items. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Whoa. | ||
| Pokemon chasing investors led... | ||
| Send Nintendos... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Go out there. | ||
| Just make it smaller. | ||
| Send Nintendo shares soaring. | ||
| Craze added $9 billion in market value to gaming company. | ||
| What? | ||
| Nintendo was hurting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Nintendo was hurting before this. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| This is incredible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Nintendo. | ||
| Yeah, that's old school. | ||
| Okay, so you're walking around. | ||
| Explain this to me. | ||
| I'm looking at this person holding their hand up. | ||
| They're walking around and they have a phone open where they see the image of what's in front of them, but Pokemon stuff is just sort of floating around. | ||
| Oh my god, this is crazy. | ||
| And then you can grow eggs, you can train your characters to be stronger, and then you can battle other characters at gyms. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And this, by the way, is just the first version. | ||
| They're going to be adding so much to this. | ||
| And what's interesting to note, I heard a rumor, maybe, that the new Grand Theft Auto is going to be doing the same thing. | ||
| So you're going to be playing Grand Theft Auto using Google Maps. | ||
| So you're going to be at your house, and your house is going to be your house. | ||
| And so this is just the beginning of this whole idea of taking Google's information. | ||
| And it's getting people outside. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| One of the things is that they're already saying that kids are complaining about sore legs. | ||
| Get them out there. | ||
| Maybe this would be the video game that fixes people who are addicted to video games. | ||
| I mean, that's the only positive thing I see. | ||
| I mean, it just makes me nervous. | ||
| Oh my god, they're all just hanging around playing with each other. | ||
| Oh my god, this is insane. | ||
| This is like the comedy show last night. | ||
| Comic Con in San Diego is going to be a zoo with this problem. | ||
| Oh yeah, I forgot about stuff like that. | ||
| This is fucking insane. | ||
| I can't believe I'm just... | ||
| Oh, look at her legs. | ||
| Look at her sore legs. | ||
| Is that from being sore? | ||
| That's not sore. | ||
| That's like... | ||
| Come on, they're fighting each other. | ||
| They're fighting animals. | ||
| I also heard that they banned it in San Francisco, but I haven't looked to see if that's true or not. | ||
| Like some cities are actually banning it. | ||
| Because people are not paying attention, just going into traffic. | ||
| There was probably a lot of them on the 405 today. | ||
| Oh, I saw somebody. | ||
| If you think about it, this is probably just the next step in what we're eventually going to get, which is some sort of a reality that we can manipulate all the time. | ||
| This is one part of it. | ||
| We're going to have little games in the regular reality, but you're going to have to look through your phone to see it. | ||
| But how long before that's glasses that you're wearing, like that Microsoft shit? | ||
| Weren't they already coming up What is it called again? | ||
| Magic Leap? | ||
| That's one. | ||
| I think that's the Google one. | ||
| Microsoft is the HoloLens. | ||
| Are they both with goggles? | ||
| They're both augmented reality. | ||
| They're both developed around augmented reality. | ||
| Supposedly Magic Leap is supposed to be awesome. | ||
| I don't want to say it's better. | ||
| So no one likes regular reality anymore? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Come on. | |
| If you have a pair of glasses, just put on a pair of glasses. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's that? | |
| You put on a pair, like, They Live style. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ, They Live is gonna be real. | ||
| You put on a pair of glasses. | ||
| And then you see... | ||
| And you see all kinds of crazy shit. | ||
| Well, you could just go on. | ||
| All right. | ||
| But imagine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Walk on Hollywood Boulevard. | |
| That's crazy shit. | ||
| That's boring. | ||
| I want to see dragons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know? | |
| If you want to, like, constantly involve. | ||
| Yeah, that was me with the Google Glass on. | ||
| You have a pair? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, that was... | ||
| They just let you... | ||
| Yeah, that's the one I saw. | ||
| That's what I was thinking of. | ||
| They were doing something with the UFC back then. | ||
| Shogun and Sonnen. | ||
| They were doing something with the UFC and they wanted to get footage... | ||
| I noticed some 360 rigs going around this weekend. | ||
| I wonder what they're going to do with it. | ||
| I just noticed that there were people walking out with the fighters and then I noticed during the fights it was kind of like planted somewhere near the ring. | ||
| If you ever want to talk to the guys about it, I'd be happy to introduce you to them. | ||
| They're the best. | ||
| They know what the fuck to do. | ||
| There's all sorts of crazy stuff they've tried before that they don't do anymore. | ||
| But I think they're doing 4K now, too. | ||
| That's another new thing. | ||
| That's important nowadays. | ||
| It's so pretty. | ||
| It's really cool what it's done. | ||
| Have you done the porn yet on the glasses? | ||
| I'm sorry, what was that? | ||
| On the VR? No. | ||
| We went from Pokemon to porn. | ||
| Same thing. | ||
| You could do virtual reality porn? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Apparently, yeah. | ||
| So there's... | ||
| I forget which website. | ||
| One of the main websites has... | ||
| Can you see somebody like that? | ||
| Maybe that's what those people were doing with their phones during Jay and Ari's thing. | ||
| One of the main websites, porn websites, Pornhub I think has virtual porn now for free. | ||
| So you could buy this thing on Amazon, put your Samsung Note 5 in there, and it's like a really cheap version of You know, you could do, kind of like Google Cardboard. | ||
| But I tried it out the other day, immediately I was like, oh, no, this is the one thing that's going to save porn. | ||
| Because after watching it, I felt way more connected to the girl and the sex. | ||
| It was way better, like a masturbation environment. | ||
| And that and music videos. | ||
| I don't know if you've seen Jamie's friend Cameron Gray. | ||
| So when you're saying way more connected, so you felt it wasn't like you were just watching porn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It was like, oh my gosh, I'm more closer to this girl now. | ||
| Because now, I could look at the girl's feet if I wanted to. | ||
| Or I could look at the... | ||
| You know... | ||
| After I was done, I was like, holy cow, I felt way closer to it. | ||
| This is a way better step up in porn. | ||
| Music videos, too. | ||
| His buddy Cameron Gray has a free app that you can download. | ||
| It's like you're watching this music video, but then you can look in the backseat and see what's going on in the backseat. | ||
| There's all these different storylines going on all around. | ||
| It's so cool. | ||
| If you haven't seen his friend, his friend has an amazing music video. | ||
| It's on the App Store, Cameron Gray. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That makes sense, man. | ||
| I think they're probably going to do that with comedy shows, too, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| When you've seen that stuff at the UFC, they probably will have it where you can just sit there and watch certain fights. | ||
| You can look around. | ||
| You can see Dana sitting there. | ||
| You can see you yelling, you know... | ||
| Well, you know what it might be, too? | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| This is just total speculation. | ||
| But it might be that... | ||
| Is this the video? | ||
| Switch to the halfway... | ||
| Can you move it to the halfway point? | ||
| This part right here... | ||
| He's in the back seat of a car... | ||
| Or you're in the front seat of a car... | ||
| And there's somebody, like, catching... | ||
| That's right here. | ||
| So you can look around, and you can see him get out of the car, and you're like, wait, where'd he go? | ||
| Is that like broken glass? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's getting something out of the trunk. | ||
| You're like, what's he getting out of the trunk? | ||
| You can just look around, and then it's so cool. | ||
| Or you can look forward if you choose to. | ||
| Wow, so weird. | ||
| I think that's just gritty ground, Joe. | ||
| I don't think that's glass. | ||
| That is so weird. | ||
| And there's a camera, and he's lighting something on fire. | ||
| This, as a good example, this is the first I've seen a music video do it. | ||
| This is a good example. | ||
| It takes you to a different level of a music video. | ||
| You're not watching a music video. | ||
| You get to look at whatever you want in this music video. | ||
| Yeah, it's the next level of immersion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I don't believe that it's going to take off until they figure out how to make the goggles smaller, you know, more easier. | ||
| Well, do you think—here's the question. | ||
| What is a movie going to be like if this becomes the new thing? | ||
| Because, like, we're used to seeing, like, if you want to see a great movie, right? | ||
| You want to see Raging Bull, right? | ||
| Great movie. | ||
| You sit there and you watch this great movie. | ||
| It all plays out right in front of you. | ||
| When it doesn't, when it's all in your head, do you still want to be around other people that are experiencing it? | ||
| Like, then is everybody walking around? | ||
| Is everybody seeing something different? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think it's going to be a while to ever get to movies, if ever, just because if you have the goggles on, after a certain amount of time, you have to take them off. | ||
| You're just done. | ||
| You know, your eyes, it's too much for your eyes. | ||
| Do you think that it's too much because it's just not good yet? | ||
| Do you think that's something they could work around? | ||
| A little bit of that and a little bit of... | ||
| I think it really fucks with your everything. | ||
| It has to. | ||
| It has to. | ||
| Well, they say if you look with shitty binoculars, it's bad for your eyes. | ||
| Like shitty glass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that kind of makes sense. | ||
| If you're looking through this lens at this image, it would have to be like... | ||
| Swarovski crystal or some crazy shit. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| To be really clear for your eyes. | ||
| Does that make sense? | ||
| Do you look at binoculars a lot? | ||
| Because it's straining. | ||
| It also has to be like 90 frames per second or it has to be some kind of frames per second or it makes you sick. | ||
| There's a video game that's coming out soon for I think Xbox or PlayStation, I forget, that is a virtual reality game or one that you wear goggles but they don't have the frame speed up fast enough so people are just getting sick immediately. | ||
| What I'm just thinking is like really good goggles or really good binoculars. | ||
| They're real expensive, you know? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| You know like and like I think If you think about how much it costs just to buy a pair of binoculars, like a really high-end pair of binoculars, and think about how much more it would be for a computer attached to that thing, to have it look really clear. | ||
| What is the difference between a 4K? It's just the resolution difference between 4K? Yeah, it's pretty much like four HDTVs make one 4K screen. | ||
| But I've heard that, is it OLED, that that's the best, like, visual? | ||
| That's like saying nowadays, like, plasma, LCD, you know, like, that's a kind of TV or kind of a display. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| So, OLED is not anything special? | ||
| No, that's just, like, one of the better... | ||
| I think it's an organic LED, organic light. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I've been told looks the best. | ||
| I think so, from what I've seen. | ||
| And do they make that in 4K, too? | ||
| Yeah, 100%. | ||
| We're in a weird world, aren't we, folks? | ||
| You think? | ||
| I'm waiting for my TV to die so bad. | ||
| I'm dizzy listening to the conversation. | ||
| Things are so strange. | ||
| Why don't you give your TV to, like, Josh? | ||
| No, it's a nice TV. I just, you know, I want it to die so I have a reason to get a new TV. Oh, oh. | ||
| I know, I hear you. | ||
| But it's, like, still a top-of-the-line TV. It doesn't have a back. | ||
| Well, they were awesome 10 years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I have an old ass TV in my gym. | ||
| My TV in my gym I got in 2003. It's the same TV. Oh yeah. | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| But still, they're good. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty good. | ||
| I think mine's that old. | ||
| But it would be cheap as fuck today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like if I bought it today, it would be like nothing. | ||
| Oh, that's garbage. | ||
| You're like, why have I spent a fortune on this? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've got something beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It goes on the wall. | ||
| You ever find an old laptop you got laying around? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You're like, oh my God, look at this piece of shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Just two years ago, I got rid of the desktop computer with the big, what's that called? | ||
| Tower. | ||
| Yeah, the tower. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Even my boyfriend, who doesn't get into this at all, he was like, what? | ||
| Your shit's old. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was like, oh. | |
| They still use it for like graphic design and stuff, right? | ||
| Do they? | ||
| They still have great towers. | ||
| Well, they have towers, but mine was like a PC. It was old, ugly. | ||
| It had a back at the top. | ||
| Have you seen that one that Apple makes? | ||
| It looks like some sort of like an alien hive. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| What is that thing called? | ||
| Power? | ||
| That's just their computer. | ||
| All they are is things that put my daddy out of business. | ||
| What is it called? | ||
| The Mac Pro. | ||
| Oh, Mac Pro. | ||
| Yeah, but it's a piece of sculpture. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, you look at it, you're like, oh great, were you getting paid by Apple, bro? | |
| Getting bought out by Apple, bro? | ||
| You know what's weird is they sell that, but now they don't sell the display anymore. | ||
| So they sell that, but they don't sell a display for it anymore. | ||
| Okay, how does that work? | ||
| You're supposed to use the old display that you had? | ||
| They only want repeat customers. | ||
| Jamie, price it out to the best specs. | ||
| It's amazing how expensive this thing is. | ||
| $1,674. | ||
| Oh, that's why I've never heard of it. | ||
| I'll go on their website real quick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Yeah, I think the last time I did it, I think it was like $10,000 or even more than that for the top of the line. | ||
| Now, what would someone use something like that for? | ||
| Like Photoshop or videos? | ||
| No, editing 4K video. | ||
| Movies or video? | ||
| Like literally? | ||
| Look at that beautiful thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's so beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Built for creativity on an epic scale. | |
| Is that what it said? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Oh, wow, look at that. | ||
| New power structure. | ||
| Whoa, come on, man. | ||
| You open the top of that thing, tell me it doesn't look like something aliens made. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It is. | ||
| If we found this on another planet, we'd be like, holy shit, we found the motherland. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| This is where all life was created. | ||
| Yeah, people would hover around it, worship it. | ||
| I mean, seriously, folks, we are in a fucking science fiction movie. | ||
| We really are. | ||
| It's just creeping up on us so slowly. | ||
| What was it that it just showed? | ||
| Acoustic level. | ||
| Acoustic level, meaning it was so quiet. | ||
| Yeah, and... | ||
| Clear. | ||
| But that was that animation. | ||
| Look, he's pricing it out now. | ||
| Like, graphics, you can get six gigabytes, dual AMD. Oh, sexy as fuck. | ||
| Look at this red band! | ||
| You're so weird! | ||
| I'm looking at it like I'm having heart palpitations looking at it. | ||
| No keyboard or monitor. | ||
| It's actually a lot cheaper than... | ||
| No keyboard or monitor with that. | ||
| Shit. | ||
| It's gotten cheaper. | ||
| The difference between what that can do and what a regular iMac can do is just time? | ||
| Or is there anything that that can do that an iMac just would not be able to do? | ||
| It's mostly speed. | ||
| Because of the video card it has in it too. | ||
| The best iMac now... | ||
| I'm pretty sure it really is just the best, like, mobile card you could have because it would fit inside a laptop. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, this is way beyond that. | ||
| So, like, I don't think you could do... | ||
| You can get 4K display because it's a 4K display on the iMac, but it's still, like, it's the very bottom of it where this one you can do multiple monitors. | ||
| There's some interesting benchmarks that I've read recently that actually show the iMac is faster than that at video editing and stuff like that because those processors aren't as fast as the processor that's in the iMac for some reason. | ||
| The iMac has speed boost technology where the ones in there doesn't. | ||
| There was a weird thing I just read recently about how... | ||
| This is making me dizzy, this whole conversation. | ||
| Whatever they did here, it was twice as fast. | ||
| 27-inch iMac with Retina 5K display. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See? | ||
| It's much faster. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| I just read about this. | ||
| So what's the point in that thing? | ||
| Just to look good? | ||
| I like to look like I know what I'm doing. | ||
| I want to have one of the Mac Pros. | ||
| Yeah, you gotta have this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You gotta have that. | |
| No, it looks sexy, Jamie. | ||
| Not space. | ||
| Sexy. | ||
| The iMac gives you more space, doesn't it? | ||
| I mean like space saving. | ||
| I didn't mean like digital space. | ||
| I meant like for your office space. | ||
| But the iMac would give you more space because it's all in one piece. | ||
| Honestly, I don't know what the reason is for buying it anymore is. | ||
| Yeah, because the other thing you would have to get a monitor for... | ||
| I have the 27-inch iMac 4K retina, not the 5K, and it's fast as fuck. | ||
| I have the SSD on there and stuff like that. | ||
| It renders so fast. | ||
| I can't even imagine it being faster. | ||
| I'm pretty sure there's limitations on the processors that the iMac can handle that this can handle faster processing. | ||
| It would be specific to what you're actually doing. | ||
| If we needed one, we would have to get it built specifically to some use we would have to find for it. | ||
| Not everyone really needs these. | ||
| Well, let me ask you this. | ||
| Does Apple sell a monitor anymore? | ||
| No, they just got rid of it. | ||
| What? | ||
| That's so ridiculous! | ||
| The iMac was the same price as the monitor. | ||
| That's like Toyota saying, no steering wheel, bitch. | ||
| Yeah, figure it out. | ||
| We don't like windshields. | ||
| This is like watching a Spanish channel. | ||
| I have no idea what you guys are talking about. | ||
| We're talking about computer stuff, manly things. | ||
| My dad told me that computers were only a phase. | ||
| I don't know what you guys are talking about. | ||
| What was your dad like when he had to close the typewriter store and give up on a dream? | ||
| Very, very upset. | ||
| That had to be such a bummer. | ||
| Very upset. | ||
| Because people who love mechanical things, like typewriters like that, when something comes along and just takes that away... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And my grandpa, he built tools specifically for typewriters that can only fix typewriters, but he never marketed them. | ||
| He thought he cornered like everybody would come to him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Different Irish mentality. | ||
| Because of like hipsters and stuff, aren't typewriters in an upswing? | ||
| No, it's still not bringing it high enough. | ||
| A little. | ||
| It's got a tiny little heartbeat, but not like... | ||
| Because they buy them, and then they just put them there for decorative features. | ||
| It's not like, oh, I have to get all these letters out today, or whatever it is. | ||
| I was actually going to do that very thing until you just brought it up and humiliated my idea, so... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's what people do. | ||
| I mean, I have it too. | ||
| My sister Karen has her... | ||
| They do look badass, but I wouldn't, unless it was someone's cool. | ||
| My dad has ancient ones, like right in the beginning, typewriters. | ||
| Oh, so you can convert it into an iMac? | ||
| Oh my god, it's hilarious. | ||
| Keyboard, basically. | ||
| If I could get that from my dad, he would play with it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, this is hilarious. | |
| He would play with that. | ||
| Look at that, that looks like an underwood right there. | ||
| Look, it attaches to a fucking screen, an oldie-school typewriter. | ||
| Convert your favorite typewriter. | ||
| So they can take yours and they can convert it to that. | ||
| Oh my god, I have to send this to my dad's wife because she will do that for him. | ||
| That is fucking brilliant. | ||
| And it still has the arms. | ||
| And we bought him an iPad for Christmas, so he knows how to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
But look at that. | |
| Look how it's typing. | ||
| It's typing on that flat thing. | ||
| And it still has the ribbon in there. | ||
| What the hell does it need the ribbon for? | ||
| I think that's how it's reading the type strokes. | ||
| Oh yeah, okay. | ||
| Oh my god, I love this. | ||
| Look what's happening! | ||
| We're making a comeback. | ||
| Maybe that'd be fun to type, you know, or write on, you know? | ||
| It still types on paper, too. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, this is awesome! | |
| Turn off your monitor for an authentic experience. | ||
| What in the fuck are you saying? | ||
| I love this. | ||
| This is amazing, and I'm sending this to my dad immediately. | ||
| Well, I have to send it to his girlfriend, then she has to explain how to turn it on and listen. | ||
| Yeah, look at that guy's email. | ||
| Bad move. | ||
| Oh, shit, huh? | ||
| Here come the dick pics, son. | ||
| Here comes the thunder. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is so strange. | |
| Yeah, that's cool. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So there's different ones. | ||
| One of them works. | ||
| It just goes side to side with an iPad. | ||
| So the iPad actually moves. | ||
| The iPad is what we got him for Christmas. | ||
| So that would be a cool thing to teach him, you know, to put it on there. | ||
| Because he literally is saddened by the progress. | ||
| I mean, it was all he knew. | ||
| Do you know that Woody Allen still types on an old typewriter that he had like in the 70s? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| It's kind of interesting, man. | ||
| I have heard that. | ||
| A few people. | ||
| Tom Hanks, too. | ||
| Tom Hanks is big on... | ||
| I mean, I don't think he types scripts on it, but he's big on collecting them. | ||
| And some of his people were in my dad's typewriter store like 20 years ago. | ||
| And they were like, hey, we want this because my dad has this old one that's... | ||
| Probably worth a lot of money, but my dad just keeps it. | ||
| It's not smart. | ||
| And so they were like, yeah, we'll buy that from you for a lot of money. | ||
| And my dad wouldn't sell it. | ||
| Look, this is a pervert's cabin here. | ||
| That's my dad's house. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| In Rehoboth. | ||
| Woody Allen with his ancient keyboard. | ||
| It's really interesting, actually, because he goes over his whole process of how he writes. | ||
| I want to see what kind it is, is it? | ||
| Well, he uses just regular paper. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| The typewriter, is it an underwood or is it a royal? | ||
| He looks like he writes on yellow legal paper. | ||
| Is that what that is? | ||
| Is that what that looks like or is it just the lighting? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It looks like it's yellow. | ||
| Yeah, he's not big on lighting. | ||
| He likes everything yellow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Hi-oh! | ||
| Yep, yep, yep, yep. | ||
| The setup. | ||
| The setup. | ||
| The swing. | ||
| Oh, it's gone, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Out of the park. | |
| Big coffee. | ||
| Hit it out. | ||
| Maybe we are making a comeback. | ||
| You ever see Hunter S. Thompson type? | ||
| Only, yeah. | ||
| He never learned how to type. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| That guy wrote so many books and he would type like this. | ||
| With one finger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Click, click, click, click, click, click. | |
| You've never seen him? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, you've got to watch. | ||
| Johnny Depp does an amazing impression of him in that movie. | ||
| Which one was it? | ||
| Fear and Loving. | ||
| Yeah, it was Fear and Loathing, but it was also... | ||
| Oh, that's what it was. | ||
| He was the narrator of... | ||
| They played it also in the Gonzo Life and Times of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. | ||
| Now that's an IBM Selectric 3. That is how he would write, literally like that. | ||
| What is that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What model? | |
| IBM Selectric 3, it looks like. | ||
| That's the one that Hunter used, I guess. | ||
| It has the ball. | ||
| Oh, the ball. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| I remember the ball. | ||
| That was like the next step up, right? | ||
| Yeah, and then Smith Corona came out with kind of a word processor that my dad was selling, but that's the one he used to get mad at, because when you put labels through it, it would seep through, and the goo would come out, and it would make everything stick. | ||
| So it would screw up the... | ||
| That's why my dad said computers are only a phase, because you can't do the labels properly. | ||
| It's kind of crazy how quick it happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It really did. | |
| If you look at the history of the typewriter. | ||
| How long has the typewriter been around? | ||
| How dare you not know? | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Okay, let's guess. | ||
| My dad was teaching us to play with grenades, not typewriters. | ||
| Just kidding. | ||
| If you had a guess. | ||
|
unidentified
|
1827. Well, that's a killer guess, but I would go lower. | |
| What would you go, Elena? | ||
| 17-something, no? | ||
| I think I'd probably go with you, because your dad owns a typewriter store, so I'm just going to copy off you. | ||
| What did you come up with? | ||
| You're right, it's probably earlier, but... | ||
| I mean, I don't know, man. | ||
| Just out of curiosity, I mean, I could see that one that my dad has that was one of the... | ||
| almost one of the first... | ||
| If I had a guess, I feel like you sound right. | ||
| When did we switch from the chisel? | ||
| I'm going to go with 1797. I'm going to ride the line. | ||
| First obtained patent in Britain for a machine that did something similar to a typewriter, 1714. Yeah, we need a typewriter. | ||
| And then 1802, one was developed. | ||
| 1808, another one was developed. | ||
| But 1575, an Italian printmaker named Francesco Romposetto invented the scarita something, a machine that presses letters into paper. | ||
| So that's a typewriter, basically. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| Yeah, that's basically a typewriter. | ||
| Well, they had a printing press. | ||
| I wouldn't know exactly when, yeah. | ||
| What was a printing press? | ||
| Like 1500s? | ||
| Oh, printing press. | ||
| Printing press. | ||
| Yeah, that's what he's saying, that on the paper. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But that is a printing press then, right? | ||
| That's the 1500 one? | ||
| This is a machine that impressed letters on paper, I guess. | ||
| What was the year of that? | ||
| 1575. When was Martin Luther? | ||
| Because that was one of the things about Martin Luther's translation of the Bible, right? | ||
| Was that he was able to print it? | ||
| That sounds like a stamp, though, what you're talking about. | ||
| This is just like a stamp, not a typewriter. | ||
| Well, it's not like going to Kinko's. | ||
| No, I mean this patent that Jamie's talking about. | ||
| Yeah, he's saying it's just like putting imprint on a paper. | ||
| So it's not like a... | ||
| A press. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's why I was thinking what you're saying. | ||
| A printing press. | ||
| God, it's so hard to remember where. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| La scritture meccanica. | ||
| Can you go full screen on that? | ||
| See what that looks like? | ||
| See the one in the middle? | ||
| My dad has it. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| Oh, that's weird. | ||
| So you would push down on those buttons on the top and it would write things down on the bottom? | ||
| Is that what would go on? | ||
| That crank is your shift. | ||
| Look how weird that is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That crank is your shift, right? | ||
| So Eleanor, feed us through that or talk us through that. | ||
| Like this one? | ||
| It'd feed the paper into the bottom? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I'm assuming. | ||
| And then that crank is your shift to get you across. | ||
| Yeah, the one on the upper piece. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But then what's that other little? | |
| Yeah, what's the one on the bottom? | ||
| That's what came from the printing press, because that's how you would press your paper and ink down on each other. | ||
| Like, turn it down and let it lay it out, maybe? | ||
| Who taught you how to do that? | ||
| How weird are those buttons? | ||
| Who taught you how to do that? | ||
| This place in Columbus called Kosai, they have this street to yesteryear, and you can literally go and make wax candles and use a printing press. | ||
| Did you make butter? | ||
| I don't think they have butter there. | ||
| That's another part of Ohio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Butter? | |
| Are you into butter? | ||
| They don't make butter in Ohio? | ||
| They do. | ||
| There's another part of the thing where you can go learn that. | ||
| I wasn't at that place. | ||
| Old school-y stuff is cool, man. | ||
| I saw this old lady in Montana in this historic recreation of a house. | ||
| There's this Museum of Bozeman. | ||
| In the Museum of Bozeman, they have these people that are making wool yarn. | ||
| And so she's got wool out, and she's running it through the spindle. | ||
| And as she's running through the spindle, she's turning it into thread and attaching more wool to it. | ||
| She's explaining how the wool just clings to other wool, that it's got some sort of a tension thing or an attractant, like little barbs or something like that. | ||
| Something that sticks out, and you rub the wools together. | ||
| They kind of cling to each other. | ||
| And so she was doing this all by hand and foot. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| And doing it in real time. | ||
| She'd pull out these big tufts of this wool that just sheared from a lamb. | ||
| She'd take it and she just started attaching it. | ||
| And she's talking to us and pumping this pedal and making this wool. | ||
| It's pretty badass, man. | ||
| Yeah, I've done that before. | ||
| They do that a lot. | ||
| There's a lot of that shit in Ohio. | ||
| And they're also Williamsburg, West Virginia. | ||
| They have that whole town where they have real fights. | ||
| They have real blacksmiths. | ||
| They recreate everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's sweet. | |
| It's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, people get weird with recreations, but that was pretty cool. | ||
| But it is part of the history, so you can't get mad. | ||
| I mean, it is what it is. | ||
| No, that's not weird. | ||
| The Civil War stuff's weird. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| It is uncomfortable. | ||
| Not for all of us. | ||
| Some of us. | ||
| No, just saying. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| It is a weird thing, but it's part of the history, so don't you think? | ||
| With the history of people recreating war? | ||
| Like, we don't know what happened. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I guess you're right. | |
| Those people are like, look out! | ||
| We're coming over the top! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bang, bang! | |
| They're pretending they're at war, trying to fight to keep their slaves. | ||
| Hey, my dad has a... | ||
| They're getting shot at. | ||
| My dad shot me with a musket. | ||
| But what I'm saying is that, like, it's, I don't know, it's just, it's a strange thing to recreate that, but at least... | ||
| No, you're absolutely right, yeah. | ||
| Do you think they do that in Korea? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I've never been. | ||
| But at least this lady making this wool, when she's making this wool, now you know how they did it. | ||
| You could watch, oh, I'm watching her do it. | ||
| It's not a lost skill. | ||
| Otherwise, you and I, if you and I were like, how do they make wool yarn? | ||
| We'd be like, fuck, I don't know. | ||
| How the fuck do they do it? | ||
| They left us with a bunch of wool, and we're like, dude, we've got to make yarn. | ||
| Well, did they tell us how? | ||
| No, we have to figure it out. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| I'm sure there's a YouTube video. | ||
| Yeah, but what if you can get online? | ||
| What if you're just sitting in a room, an empty room with a pile of wool? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Survive. | ||
| That's where you start. | ||
| You're not going to make clothes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are you okay? | |
| No. | ||
| I'm just thinking about that. | ||
| Like, how would you? | ||
| What would you do? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Oh my god, there I am. | ||
| The old spinster. | ||
| They used to think those old women were cursing them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's where Sleeping Beauty came from. | |
| She's so cute. | ||
| My mom and dad used to collect Singer sewing machines. | ||
| Remember the old iron ones and you have to Get new rubber stoppers because all the rubber's gotten bad. | ||
| But in Ohio, there's so many barns and they're about to tear down these barns and they have barn sales where you just go and you see anything you want in there. | ||
| My dad would go to them and just take all the Singer sewing machines because they always had sewing machines in them for that kind of reason, like shaving sheep and making stuff in there. | ||
| Wow, crazy. | ||
| I mean, I would be terrified to do that, but there are people that did it for years. | ||
| Yeah, they did it for a long fucking time. | ||
| That is a cool look. | ||
| My sister has one of those. | ||
| Come on, that is badass. | ||
| My dad has that almost exact one right there. | ||
| If you can make clothes, go back to that one please. | ||
| If you can make clothes with that one that you're pumping with your feet. | ||
| My grandma had one of those. | ||
| My sister Karen has a big one like that, I think. | ||
| Or maybe up there. | ||
| My grandma had a bunch of cool old stuff like that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I used to love just walking my foot on my ass. | ||
| Did she make clothes, your grandma? | ||
| Did she do that? | ||
| I don't really remember her making any clothes. | ||
| I don't remember. | ||
| I mean, maybe she did. | ||
| She probably did. | ||
| I just don't remember. | ||
| I remember she was ill like the last years of her life, so I mostly remember that, unfortunately, because it was all during the formative years. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| But that thing, go back to that, Jamie. | ||
| Look how beautiful that thing is. | ||
| The craftsmanship and the design. | ||
| And if you look at the gold that's in the sewing machine thing itself, it's so pretty. | ||
| It is really cool. | ||
| My sister designs costumes for her daughter as a dancer. | ||
| And she would do a recital every year. | ||
| And Karen also, my older sister, would go and while the shows were happening, she would stitch stuff up as well. | ||
| and a couple years ago she had two like straight pins in her lip and she was like helping their kids you know they're young so Karen's like putting all the stuff together she was fixing somebody's thing and somebody called her and she went and she wanted the she swallowed the pin She's got a pin in her lung, my crazy sister. | ||
| So what are they going to do? | ||
| There's nothing you can do. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My mother's like, is that thing rusting in your... | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| So does her body have to absorb it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is her body going to absorb it? | ||
| Is it stainless steel? | ||
| I guess. | ||
| That could take a long fucking time. | ||
| What is she going to do? | ||
| It's in her lung. | ||
| They saw it. | ||
| Cut her open like a fish and get it out of there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Cut me. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cut me, Mickey. | |
| It's been a while. | ||
| Maybe it's more than two years, but she'd kill me if I'm saying the wrong ones. | ||
| But I remember she had blood work done or something done and they were like, hey, do you have some metal, something, whatever? | ||
| What about when she goes to the airport? | ||
| She was like, well, this is what happened. | ||
| Oh my God, that's so crazy. | ||
| That's terrifying. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think she's had any problem at the airport yet. | ||
| But it could have got stuck on the way down. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| And then she would have been fucked. | ||
| But it's definitely in her lung. | ||
| Oh my God, that's so crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's crazy talk. | |
| Oh my God. | ||
| My crazy sister. | ||
| But that's Karen. | ||
| She's always doing like five billion things at once. | ||
| Of course she did that. | ||
| Of course that happened to her. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| How bizarre. | ||
| But her costumes look great. | ||
| What a weird feeling it must be. | ||
| Walking around with a... | ||
| We want to put a magnet in her mouth and see if it comes back up. | ||
| It seems like she could cough wrong and it could just rip something open or something. | ||
| God forbid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God forbid. | |
| You cannot think of that expression and not think about Dom Herrera. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| God forbid. | ||
| What's the South Philly? | ||
| That's how we talk. | ||
| Yeah, everybody. | ||
| I know, but it's so Dom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| God forbid. | ||
| We used to make fun of my grandma. | ||
| She would say, oh, God forbid. | ||
| It's a sin and a shame what that kid looks like. | ||
| What? | ||
| It's an awful thing to say. | ||
| Knowing what you know now, knowing what you know now, let me ask you both this question. | ||
| Uh-oh. | ||
| Knowing what you know now, what time would you like to go back? | ||
| If there was a time machine, you can go back to the 1950s and just run shit for all those dorks that didn't know nothing back then. | ||
| You could just go back and... | ||
| You mean you would know what you know now, but going back? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| What year would it be? | ||
| 1960. I still couldn't vote in the 50s, so maybe I could lead a charge. | ||
| You could vote in the 50s. | ||
| When was suffrage? | ||
| Oh, wait, 28. No, what am I saying? | ||
| For us. | ||
| I wouldn't want to go back. | ||
| I would want to go... | ||
| What was it? | ||
| Yeah, definitely not. | ||
| Definitely not. | ||
| I just watched Back to the Future yesterday, and it was horrible. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I thought it was fascinating. | ||
| I saw Back to the Future 2 with my kids at a movie theater. | ||
| And you thought it was terrible? | ||
| Loved it. | ||
| No, I wouldn't want to live back in that time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, I see what you're saying. | |
| I was like, wait, what? | ||
| I love that movie. | ||
| No, Back to the Future 2. I don't think I ever saw it. | ||
| I think I only saw one. | ||
| Oh no, I did see two, I remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It was great! | |
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was fun! | ||
| And that was this year, I think, right? | ||
| Yes, 2015. 2015, dude. | ||
| Isn't that weird when you watch, they're like, oh, they were in the future. | ||
| It was our time now. | ||
| Everybody was so off. | ||
| They missed everything. | ||
| Everybody thought it was going to be spaceships. | ||
| Everybody thought it was going to be hoverboards. | ||
| They thought it was going to be mechanical things. | ||
| No, it's Pokemon, you fuck. | ||
| Pokemon has invaded the world. | ||
| Invasion of privacy. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| It's some sort of a connection between all of us in a weird, sneaky way. | ||
| It's going to get it in with a game and we're going to get used to it. | ||
| Just like you're used to now. | ||
| People holding up their phones and taking pictures of things. | ||
| We're used to people texting each other while they're driving. | ||
| All this stuff is inevitable. | ||
| It's going to be all a part of us. | ||
| It's trying to figure out a way to absorb us right now. | ||
| I think it's got us. | ||
| And the best way to suck us in is a game. | ||
| You don't think it absorbs us right now? | ||
| Yeah, but it's deeper. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Even more. | |
| You think it's even going to go further. | ||
| Yeah, like technology's not going to stop and go, you know what? | ||
| I think we're good. | ||
| I think we've achieved a certain level of success with people. | ||
| We know that they love us. | ||
| They're going to keep us around. | ||
| Yeah, nobody stays. | ||
| They're always looking for the next best thing. | ||
| You always used to yell, where are the flying cars? | ||
| Where are the flying cars? | ||
| We're in the future. | ||
| Where's the jetpacks? | ||
| Where's the jetpacks? | ||
| All of it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you're right. | ||
| Well, the mechanical thing is what everybody expected. | ||
| Because the mechanical things were the biggest leaps. | ||
| Like, think about before there was a car. | ||
| Before there was a car and then after there was a car. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| How nutty. | ||
| I mean, look what the fuck happened. | ||
| People just came across the country on wheels and built fucking houses everywhere and they drive with shit back and forth and they're shipping things on trucks and food on trucks and you can get food to places that could never get it before. | ||
| That's a game changer when they invented the car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's just a machine. | ||
| So I think all of us growing up in that era, like in our time, we thought it was going to be a machine. | ||
| It was going to be some crazy robot. | ||
| It was going to be a jetpack. | ||
| It was going to be something that showed us that we're living in the Jetsons. | ||
| But no, it's something no one ever saw coming. | ||
| Information. | ||
| Yeah, it's a different way. | ||
| Information. | ||
| I remember my grandma telling me she was so afraid of cars. | ||
| And the fact that my grandpa drove like a maniac. | ||
| He probably drank and drove because it was a long time ago. | ||
| And she was so afraid she would lay on the back seat on the floor. | ||
| And just her and her best friend would lay on the back. | ||
| And I'm like, wow. | ||
| I would never think to be afraid of cars. | ||
| You're getting anything. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Getting any car. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| You know it works. | ||
| You know it's great. | ||
| But it was still coming up. | ||
| For my grandma. | ||
| Well, Byron Bowers, you know Byron. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So funny. | |
| Hilarious dude. | ||
| Great, great fucking guy too. | ||
| So funny. | ||
| He's gonna be on here in a couple weeks. | ||
| Byron, his grandmother remembers someone in her family telling her a story about them remembering the cotton gin. | ||
| Wow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| That's crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| I mean, this is a direct connection. | ||
| Like, his family goes straight back to slavery. | ||
| Like, they can track it. | ||
| Like, they remember. | ||
| They remember the people. | ||
| They're picking cotton. | ||
| This is grandma. | ||
| This is great-grandma, you know? | ||
| There's still cotton pickers. | ||
| Do you know that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| People pick cotton. | ||
| It never went away. | ||
| There was a black guy and he goes, I'm a cotton picker. | ||
| There was a video all about it and it showed all his friends working and they're just like, hey, what's up? | ||
| And it's funny how you think that, oh no, you're not allowed to even talk about picking cotton anymore. | ||
| They get paid to do it now. | ||
| It's a real job. | ||
| Yeah, that's a weird job for black dudes to gravitate towards. | ||
| It's like, why did you? | ||
| You would think you would rebel against that one. | ||
| Paul Mooney used to tell us crazy stories. | ||
| And I remember one time we had this manager. | ||
| I forget his name. | ||
| There were so many managers at the comedy store. | ||
| But Paul would tell me all these crazy stories. | ||
| He was raised by his grandma. | ||
| Her mom was a slave. | ||
| Literally, so he would tell stories. | ||
| And if you think about it, I mean, Paul's in his 80s. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah, his grandma... | ||
| Is Paul that old? | ||
| Paul what? | ||
| Paul that old? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Is he really in his 80s? | ||
| Late 70s, possibly 80. Wow. | ||
| But he would tell me all these stories, and the manager was like, slavery? | ||
| They haven't had slavery in, like, thousands of years. | ||
| I was like, are you high? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But he was so serious! | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| And he goes, well, at least 500. And I go, oh my god. | ||
| But we didn't have Google. | ||
| I couldn't say, hey, idiot, Google it. | ||
| I was just like, are you crazy? | ||
| But I just walked away from him. | ||
| Because I was like, I'm either going to strangle him. | ||
| Just for me saying that it was less than 200 years ago at that point, he didn't believe me. | ||
| But there's some things that people say like that. | ||
| Just that. | ||
| Listen, that's what you want it to be. | ||
| You want it to be thousands of years ago. | ||
| That's what you want it to be. | ||
| I know what you're doing. | ||
| Why do you think that that's the case? | ||
| No. | ||
| People say weird shit. | ||
| I had a discussion with a guy a long fucking time ago about the Civil War, and he was talking about the economic impact. | ||
| They were going to cripple the farms. | ||
| It was an economic war. | ||
| They forced him in a corner where they had... | ||
| It was about slavery. | ||
| It was just about, yeah, if you don't want to pay people and you're making them work, that's economics. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| People don't like that. | ||
| They like to get paid for work. | ||
| So, yeah, in that sense, it was an economic issue. | ||
| What? | ||
| But people repeat that because they can drink and go, yeah, well, these fucking liberals, try telling that to them. | ||
| They don't want to hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen, these people who were slaves, a lot of them were treated very well. | |
| I'll have you know, there's a lot of like, that roots, that propaganda, that movie, that L. Ron Hubbard, whoever wrote that shit, that guy, he wrote, a lot of them were good friends with the white folks. | ||
| Sometimes they interbred. | ||
| They often interbred. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The master would pick himself a good woman and she would be treated better than the rest. | |
| So, you know, I mean, how much different is that than working at Burger King? | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| There's a lot of those dudes out there. | ||
| They were always out there. | ||
| Yes, they're crazy. | ||
| I didn't know we were going to bring my dad back up. | ||
| There's a lot of people who are fucking completely insane. | ||
| Yeah, it's true. | ||
| There's a lot of people that are just... | ||
| But the thing is, when a guy says, it's about economics, it's about economics, they want it to be that. | ||
| So they want there to be a bunch of silly people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So they can sleep at night. | |
| Yeah, they don't want slavery to have been abolished in just 1865. Yeah. | ||
| And people went to war over it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so recent. | ||
| Fuck that's recent, you know? | ||
| I was born in 67, okay? | ||
| So it's 200 years, rather, before I was born. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| Or 100 years, rather. | ||
| 100 years before I was born. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Think about that. | ||
| No. | ||
| No, that's awful. | ||
| That's nothing. | ||
| I mean, yeah, my grandma was 93 when she died. | ||
| 1865 doesn't even sound right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| When you say it, that it was only 140-something years ago, you're like, nah. | ||
| It was more than that, right? | ||
| People are crazy. | ||
| What creeps we were. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We had slaves just a fucking couple hundred years ago. | |
| I have family that live to be a hundred. | ||
| So that's an easy number. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That is so strange that that was so recent. | ||
| And in places where it was, like, real prevalent. | ||
| No, stop and think of that, right? | ||
| Think of places where, like, slavery was real prevalent, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People lived on the slavery. | ||
| They had it. | ||
| There was lynchings. | ||
| There was all that kind of crazy shit. | ||
| And now think, that all goes away just 150 years ago. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And they've got to recover. | ||
| So, racist grandpappy, racist pawpaw, racist pawpaw, they'll tell you what we're going to do. | ||
| We're going to put our foot down. | ||
| I'll tell you what we're going to do. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're going to stop all this interbreeding. | |
| Chelsea Handler did something on her show, that first one on Netflix, where she went and visited places like that. | ||
| I was like, whoa! | ||
| And she's having conversations, and they're doing what you're saying with the economic. | ||
| And I'm like, what the hell? | ||
| And she's like, wait a minute. | ||
| I'm trying to school them, but it's just, you're right, like this, blinders. | ||
| Well, they don't look into it, and that's what they want to hear. | ||
| So it's what they talk about. | ||
| It's a fascinating thing when people do that. | ||
| When people don't consider the possibility of another point of view. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, you can't be that close-minded. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, if you look at how many people benefited from slavery stopping, the idea that anybody's out there somehow or another is saying, well, we'll need to bout that. | ||
| It's about keeping this corn business going. | ||
| I need someone to pick this here corn. | ||
| I can't pick it on myself. | ||
| My back is bad. | ||
| We're trying to keep a family fed. | ||
| We're trying to support a community. | ||
| Fuck, that's crazy. | ||
| Living in those places, like living in spots where it was like insanely racist for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years, right? | ||
| And then to expect that to just shut off and turn around within our lifetimes? | ||
| It's almost amazing that people aren't more racist. | ||
| Well, Philadelphia's pretty racist. | ||
| Boston's pretty racist. | ||
| Only parts of Boston. | ||
| Parts. | ||
| Boston, like the center of Boston, is very liberal. | ||
| Very democratic, very progressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But there's a lot of Italians that don't like the college. | |
| Well, they don't like... | ||
| My parents growing up, you couldn't date Italian-Irish. | ||
| Yeah, well, they don't like people. | ||
| Oh, my God, they would freak out. | ||
| Yeah, they don't like people that are different than them. | ||
| They get mad. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And Italian-Irish, like... | ||
| That was a big one. | ||
| You and I, we're the dirtiest of the mutts. | ||
| I'm 100% Irish. | ||
| You think you are. | ||
| Well, my dad... | ||
| You've had so much dick in you from Italian guys that I think... | ||
| If we're going with that, Jim... | ||
| That's what I'm... | ||
| You said it all. | ||
| I'm representing every country. | ||
| I watch the Olympics and go, I've been there. | ||
| Yeah, Philly is similar in a lot of ways. | ||
| Like Philly, New York, Boston, New Jersey, they all have a different feel to them, but what's similar is they're hardy people that are living in tough climates and they're the children of the children of immigrants for the most part. | ||
| Yeah, most of my neighbors growing up spoke Italian. | ||
| We came over, I don't remember how far back. | ||
| I think my great-great on my dad's side and then great-great-great on my mom's side came from Ireland. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lot of the people that I grew up with. | ||
| It was always like their dad's dad or something along those lines. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It was my grandparents on both sides. | ||
| Came from my parents, my mom's side, it was all Italian. | ||
| And my dad's side was half Irish and half Italian. | ||
| One from Italy, one from Ireland. | ||
| But they were all fresh off the boat. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| Bad Irish snuck in there. | ||
| Just banging each other. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dirty little monkeys. | |
| We're not supposed to be together. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're not even supposed to be on this continent, baby. | |
| Take my seed. | ||
| Grow me a person. | ||
| Grow me a person. | ||
| Grow me a person in your body. | ||
| My mom's good at that one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ten. | |
| Ten, and my dad's dad was one of fifteen. | ||
| Good lord. | ||
| There's a lot of us out there. | ||
| The Irish know how to fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well... | |
| We do. | ||
| They like to keep them, too. | ||
| Yeah, they got a lot of kids. | ||
| Keep them kids. | ||
| That's a gang of kids. | ||
| My mom's sister had 10 kids, too. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| What were picnics like? | ||
| Picnics. | ||
| Not a lot of picnics. | ||
| They didn't like mob scenes like that in a park. | ||
| We had to rent a hall. | ||
| 26 people. | ||
| Do it indoors. | ||
| How many families? | ||
| One. | ||
| My mom's mom had four kids. | ||
| She was orphaned at a very early age. | ||
| She had four kids, so she wanted to have a real tight-knit family. | ||
| Four kids, 27 grandchildren, and 45 great-grandchildren when she passed away 11 years ago. | ||
| Not a lot of periods in your family. | ||
| Only time. | ||
| Only time. | ||
| The money they saved on Tampax. | ||
| They're probably just super fertile. | ||
| You could probably get them pregnant when they're on their period. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fertile myrtle sisters. | |
| Yeah, you can. | ||
| My mom had a hysterectomy. | ||
| She's still nervous. | ||
| She's like, I'm not walking around. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| That's such a giant number of human beings to come out of a couple of folks. | ||
| Think about how many other people are going to get bread out of that. | ||
| Yeah, we're good. | ||
| We slowed. | ||
| We slowed because we're 10 and then I only have 10 nieces and nephews. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| But my little sister did just get married, so my add-on. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| My Aunt Joy, she had 10 kids and they have, I think, 15 or 17 nieces and nephews. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| So they did the bigger. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We did it. | |
| We're half and half. | ||
| Half of us had kids and half of us didn't. | ||
| Half of us were like, you know what? | ||
| We're going to stop this bloodline. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Enough. | ||
| Maybe that's why you don't want kids. | ||
| You've just been around too many people. | ||
| True. | ||
| It could be those bad decisions I made with dating. | ||
| No, I'm just kidding. | ||
| No, they're good. | ||
| I love kids. | ||
| I do. | ||
| But I just... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| You're like... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You don't have to. | ||
| For my own. | ||
| For my own. | ||
| I don't want... | ||
| For me. | ||
| Like, when I go home, I'm with my nieces and nephews all the time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Hang out with them all the time. | ||
| I even had my niece, Alexa, came out here to live for a little while because she's into... | ||
| Producing and editing. | ||
| She just graduated college. | ||
| I'm very close with my kids. | ||
| I call them my kids. | ||
| But just for myself, I didn't want. | ||
| It makes total sense. | ||
| And also just the sheer numbers of people you've been around for so long. | ||
| You're like, you're not fucking people. | ||
| I don't need to make any more people. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| I mean, I wonder how much of that pull to family is that, you know, to create some bond with people that you're like deeply, deeply close to. | ||
| And I wonder if you grow up with so many people like you, if that bond gets like drowned out. | ||
| But the way we grew up on top of each other, our bond is tight. | ||
| I mean, we are tight. | ||
| I'm not saying, let's not get crazy, but we are tight. | ||
| Oh, I could imagine. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ten kids growing up in a pile like that. | ||
| I bet if one of you gets in trouble, it's a fucking hailstorm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nobody wanted to fight one because you had a fight. | ||
| And I have six brothers, so it's like, I shared a room with them. | ||
| I stayed in the room with them. | ||
| That's an important thing growing up. | ||
| What? | ||
| Boys or the tightness? | ||
| Yeah, like if shit goes down. | ||
| Like if it was raining out, people would knock on our door like, let's go in there. | ||
| It's like a playground. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| There's always something to do in the Kerrigan house, you know, like it was just insane. | ||
| That's just never going to happen again. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, you know, Now that people have two kids and they tag out. | ||
| And that's fine. | ||
| Well, not just that. | ||
| Kids aren't running around the street where it rains out. | ||
| Yeah, you can't. | ||
| That was my favorite. | ||
| Like, we really were outside. | ||
| And that's why, kind of with this Pokemon thing, I'm excited that people are outside. | ||
| I was home a couple weeks ago. | ||
| I was watching these kids fight and play in the playground. | ||
| And it was just awesome. | ||
| Like, I still think certain areas do it. | ||
| LA, it doesn't exist. | ||
| Well, I think that when, definitely not walking. | ||
| I mean, people in New York walk way more than they walk out here. | ||
| Like, Ari loves doing sets and then walking home to his apartment. | ||
| It's my favorite thing to do in New York. | ||
| Do you really? | ||
| My favorite thing. | ||
| And I've walked from all the way, the Upper West Side, all the way down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's so weird. | |
| How about just go to the gym and then take a cab like a normal person? | ||
| I did do that. | ||
| I did go to the gym that day. | ||
| We go to Crunch Gym and we kill it. | ||
| And then that night I walk home. | ||
| I do enjoy, like, hiking. | ||
| I do enjoy, like, walking up hills in nature and shit like that. | ||
| I enjoy that. | ||
| But, like, walking around the streets, I'm like, this fucking air is tainted. | ||
| But New York? | ||
| No, it's great. | ||
| Just breathing in brake dust. | ||
| I even do it here. | ||
| Exhaust fumes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I even do it here. | |
| And hoping nobody fucking texts and drives right into you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck that. | |
| Well, you just have to be as alert as if you're driving, walking. | ||
| I've seen a couple people run lights lately. | ||
| Spooky. | ||
| It's very strange. | ||
| We saw a girl get hit by a car. | ||
| I don't even know how it happened. | ||
| We were in the car. | ||
| A guy was making a left. | ||
| A girl was crossing the street. | ||
| This guy, obviously in the wrong, making a left. | ||
| She was on her phone, but she looked before she crossed. | ||
| He made the left. | ||
| He must have been on his phone. | ||
| Not hard, but he realized. | ||
| She went down like a sack of potatoes, and me and my niece were like, oh my god! | ||
| We just got out to help because we didn't know what... | ||
| How do you not see that? | ||
| How did he not see her? | ||
| How did... | ||
| People sometimes are not fucking paying attention. | ||
| It doesn't make any sense. | ||
| They're just drifting off. | ||
| How many people are just so tired? | ||
| They're like barely paying attention to what they're doing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're just working all day and they're so tired. | |
| I walk home from the store a lot. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| You're a maniac. | ||
| I try to, because the parking... | ||
| If I just have a spot at the store, sometimes I'll just... | ||
| Or if I do the store in the factory, because then you can walk down the street. | ||
| And a lot of times, if I have both, I'll park at the store, walk to the factory, and then walk back. | ||
| Well, Sunset is... | ||
| If there's going to be a spot, there's like... | ||
| What else? | ||
| Melrose and Sunset and Santa Monica Boulevard. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| People walk down there. | ||
| And then people walk on the promenade, that little Santa Monica area. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They walk down there. | ||
| Venice, people walk around in Venice. | ||
| But when you walk in Hollywood, people look at you like, oh, God, what's wrong with her? | ||
| Yeah, just walking around like some hooker. | ||
| I have a car, and I am a hooker. | ||
| I have to make extra money. | ||
| And that is weird, like, when you're walking around or driving around in Hollywood, you don't see a lot of people walking. | ||
| No, only on certain areas, like you said, the Hollywood Boulevard, if they're going to sightsee, whatever. | ||
| I wonder how much that shaped what the personality of people that live in LA is. | ||
| The fact that people were in cars early on because the transportation system sucks. | ||
| Oh yeah, it's terrible. | ||
| But I didn't have a license when I first moved here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I tried to learn how to drive and I tried to get my sister Karen to take me to get a license, but she missed the accident and she got angry. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| She literally was like, I'll kill us all! | ||
| And she drove home. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, anger issues. | ||
| Seriously, I hate you. | ||
| What a bitch. | ||
| Do you ever forgive her? | ||
| I love my sister, yeah. | ||
| Do you bring her up to her every now and then? | ||
| I was on stage and I told that story and she was here with her daughter visiting for Mother's Day and I started to tell the story and I heard her go, oh, this story. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah! | |
| She was so mad. | ||
| She taught me how to swim. | ||
| She taught me everything, my sister Karen. | ||
| She's 10 years older and we look exactly alike. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It's like the weirdest thing. | ||
| And her daughter, when she came out here, everybody was like, oh, is that your daughter? | ||
| I'm like, no. | ||
| And they're like, don't lie to us. | ||
| You abandoned your kid to come to LA. I was like, yeah, I'd abandoned a kid to do this, right? | ||
| Like, who would do that? | ||
| No one would do that. | ||
| And Dave Taylor was like, you guys have the same overbite. | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| What do you work for? | ||
| CSI? What does that even mean? | ||
| Taylor said that? | ||
| I'm like, she's my niece. | ||
| He's like, no, you gave her up. | ||
| Oh, that's just Taylor Taylor. | ||
| Being crazy. | ||
| Well, he wasn't the only one. | ||
| He's the only one that said the overbite. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| But anyway, so yeah, she's my sister's type. | ||
| But I didn't have a license until two, three years after being here. | ||
| So walking was... | ||
| Awful. | ||
| Awful. | ||
| Because you wait for the bus and they just have their own schedule. | ||
| Like I was used to the East Coast where you can take a bus to Boston and come back. | ||
| What kind of fucking characters were you running into on the public transportation system in L.A.? One time I remember I got in trouble because I was waiting tables at the store and the manager was like, if you're late, one more time. | ||
| Because I'm always late. | ||
| It's my thing. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| My grandma used to yell at us for it. | ||
| I don't know what happens. | ||
| But anyway, so my grandma actually called me, you people. | ||
| I'm like, really? | ||
| Well, that's so racist. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's hilarious. | |
| But anyway, so she was like, if you're late, one more time. | ||
| So I specifically came, I think, an hour early. | ||
| I could have just walked, but I was waiting for the bus. | ||
| And I was waiting for the bus, and I was talking to this black guy. | ||
| He was funny. | ||
| He was like, damn, a girl like you, you should be in a Cadillac. | ||
| And I was like, you got one? | ||
| Like, you know, I'm like playing with him. | ||
| You know, I like talk to people. | ||
| And he did. | ||
| He had a nice little curl going. | ||
| So I know what he did. | ||
| I can tell what he did. | ||
| He was a pimp? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's not my business. | ||
| So I was just talking to him. | ||
| So he's trying to get you to go to work for him? | ||
| No. | ||
| He was literally just talking. | ||
| Then the bus came. | ||
| As I went to get on the bus, they pulled me off the bus, two undercover cops. | ||
| They had him on the ground with guns in his face. | ||
| And I'm like, what's the... | ||
| And they grabbed my bag. | ||
| She started going through my bag. | ||
| I was like, you can't go through my bag. | ||
| I started panicking. | ||
| I was like, you can't go through my bag. | ||
| You don't know me. | ||
| And they're like, why were you talking to him? | ||
| Do you work for him? | ||
| I'm like... | ||
| I'm looking at... | ||
| I have a giant oversized gray sweater on, black tights, a comedy store t-shirt. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| Do I... No, I'm not working for him. | ||
| See that girl with her... | ||
| Pussy hanging out of her skirt. | ||
| She's working for him, not me. | ||
| Like, they were on the other side of the street, and he's like, get down. | ||
| So they're screaming at me, and they're going through my bag, and I'm like, you really can't go through my bag? | ||
| Like, I'm panicked. | ||
| And then they just started asking questions. | ||
| Is he trying to recruit you? | ||
| Do you work for him? | ||
| And he's literally on the ground, guns drawn. | ||
| He did nothing to me. | ||
| All he did was say I should be in a Cadillac. | ||
| That was it. | ||
| And so I was like, dude, you gotta calm down. | ||
| And I was like, I'm gonna be late for work. | ||
| And I'm going to get fired. | ||
| And this guy's got guns in his face. | ||
| And I'm worried about my waiting tables at the comedy store. | ||
| So then finally, they let him go. | ||
| And I was so pissed. | ||
| And I'm getting my stuff and putting my bag together. | ||
| And I'm like, this is bullshit. | ||
| But I was afraid to talk back to a cop. | ||
| So it was inside me. | ||
| And then they were like, you want us to drive you to work? | ||
| And I'm like, oh yeah, that's great. | ||
| You're going to drive me to work. | ||
| And as soon as we pull up, I'll tell Mitzi Shore I got picked up for prostitution. | ||
| And that's why I had to get here. | ||
| It was late. | ||
| How late were you? | ||
| About 15 minutes. | ||
| Oh, take the ride. | ||
| Hit the lights. | ||
| No, I did take the ride, but Mitzi wasn't there that night, thank God. | ||
| But Debbie, the manager, did see me get out of a cop car, and she's like, what the f- She's undercover. | ||
| Undercover waitress. | ||
| That's why she doesn't get fired even though she's late. | ||
| She's the fuzz, man. | ||
| That's a crazy story. | ||
| Mitzi let me be the boss because I was always late. | ||
| She's like, okay, fine. | ||
| You know, that's a crazy story because it shows people a side of what it's like to be poor and be dealt with by the cops where they know that you can't do anything. | ||
| I couldn't do anything. | ||
| And to be honest, I just panicked when they go through your bag or something. | ||
| Everything goes through your head and you're like, am I packing tonight? | ||
| Am I this tonight? | ||
| What am I doing? | ||
| Scared, but you have no rights. | ||
| Most of the time. | ||
| But that's crazy. | ||
| It's crazy that you don't have any rights. | ||
| I don't think that's legal. | ||
| I know, but if you resist and you fight back, you're gonna get hit. | ||
| I've been. | ||
| I've been thrown in the back of a paddy wagon. | ||
| I've tried both ways. | ||
| You can't. | ||
| I've seen guys get beaten. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Good friends. | ||
| Just in a nightclub. | ||
| Just from resisting. | ||
| And it was a stupid thing we were doing. | ||
| I've seen both ends. | ||
| Cops are stressed the fuck out a lot of the times too. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| In a bad situation like that. | ||
| In your situation, obviously it was crazy. | ||
| All you're doing is talking to a guy and then you're getting on a bus. | ||
| The fact that they grabbed you like that. | ||
| But how many white girls talk to that guy that aren't working for him? | ||
| In their defense. | ||
| So, like, for sure this bitch knows him. | ||
| Look how comfortable she is with him. | ||
| She's not even freaking out. | ||
| She's gotta be a hooker. | ||
| She's hardened. | ||
| Like, she's joking around with him. | ||
| You got a Cadillac? | ||
| You got one? | ||
| Like, they're negotiating terms of their contracts. | ||
| He was funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But they figured if you're talking to a pimp and you're not freaking out, for sure there's got to be something wrong with you. | ||
| Yeah, and I'm not saying he might not get another girl who's like, oh, this girl can be molded. | ||
| Her mind can be molded. | ||
| You know, I'm not going to turn tricks. | ||
| Especially with that overbite. | ||
| Right? | ||
| All of a sudden I feel like my... | ||
| Overbite has gotten bigger. | ||
| You know what's weird, right? | ||
| A guy can't take... | ||
| He couldn't recruit girls and have them do sex for money for him and protect them. | ||
| That's what a pimp does to prostitutes and prostitutes is illegal, right? | ||
| But you could recruit girls to make videos of them having sex. | ||
| Like, you know, you could have people who could even pay you. | ||
| It's not immediate money, though, is it? | ||
| Prostitution is like waiting tables. | ||
| Yeah, it could totally be immediate money if you make people pay. | ||
| Make people pay to have sex with somebody. | ||
| To download it? | ||
| Oh, to pay to have sex. | ||
| Oh, I see what you're saying. | ||
| I feel like you're helping the pimps right now. | ||
| The word pimping is very strange. | ||
| You decide that women are too vulnerable to accept a mentor figure in the strong, sexually overcharged black man with the feathers and the gold chains. | ||
| That's essentially what they're saying. | ||
| Yeah, you're right. | ||
| But if he owns a brothel in Nevada or something like that, that's okay. | ||
| It's less dangerous for the girl-ish. | ||
| Yeah, so is porn. | ||
| I'm not saying there's anything wrong with any of it, but I'm like, prostitution's a fucking weird one. | ||
| And pimping is an even weirder one, because that guy's not fucking anybody. | ||
| That's where it's even weird. | ||
| He's just got a bunch of friends with money that like to give him money. | ||
| He talks to these girls who do stuff that's illegal. | ||
| He does stuff. | ||
| Yeah, they always slept with the girls. | ||
| Okay, but he's not doing anything to get that money, right? | ||
| If you're a real pimp, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. | ||
| You're sitting back, right? | ||
| You're sitting back, you're maxing and relaxing. | ||
| You've got furs on. | ||
| Convincing. | ||
| You know, you've got long nails. | ||
| Just show everybody that you can't do work. | ||
| Only one long nail. | ||
| Maybe they have a whole... | ||
| A lot of those dudes are like pimps up, hose down. | ||
| They had many long nails. | ||
| Coke nails. | ||
| Yeah, they had that, but the other nails were substantially longer than the average person who works a 9-to-5 job. | ||
| Okay, you're right. | ||
| So, they have this whole thing going on. | ||
| What are they doing illegal? | ||
| All they're doing illegal is being a pimp. | ||
| See, the actual act, the illegal act is being done by the woman. | ||
| How about the slavery by the woman? | ||
| The woman is a prostitute. | ||
| She is deciding as a grown adult to go out and have illegal sex with men and then comes back and brings the money to the pimp, right? | ||
| The pimp didn't really do anything. | ||
| He just got the girl to give him his money. | ||
| A lot of times these girls are underage, too. | ||
| Well, that's the problem. | ||
| Well, that's a very different story. | ||
| That was the only flattering thing about the story is that the guy thought I was underage. | ||
| Oh, look at his nails! | ||
| Snoop Dogg gets manicures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-uh. | |
| He's fresh. | ||
| They're not that big. | ||
| He's fresh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Meanwhile, I love Snoop Dogg. | |
| He can do no wrong. | ||
| Yeah, he can do no wrong. | ||
| What he did the other day is amazing. | ||
| The way he led the... | ||
| It wasn't a protest. | ||
| It was like, we're going to go talk to our officials and figure it out how we can make peace. | ||
| How we can do this. | ||
| And that was good because him and the game did it and a lot of people followed. | ||
| Yeah, Snoop Dogg's a very peaceful dude. | ||
| Very peaceful. | ||
| Very smart man. | ||
| That nail thing is weird though, isn't it? | ||
| Yeah, even my nails. | ||
| I don't even get manicures. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Pimps Up, Hose Down. | ||
| Pimps Up, Hose Down was really great. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I used to watch it on repeat with Freddie Soto because we were obsessed with Fillmore Slim, I believe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he was slick. | ||
| That's what the guy looked like that was sitting on the bench. | ||
| And I always wondered, was it him? | ||
| It might have been. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| What year was it? | ||
| Was it the 90s? | ||
| 93. Probably was him. | ||
| Yeah, 93. That was way before that movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at Ice-T. Remember Ice-T was in it? | ||
| He was in it. | ||
| And Ice-T went on this long rant about how he is just a pimp and he's not really a rapper. | ||
| I've never really been a rapper. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've been about rapping. | ||
| And the woman. | ||
| Remember the woman? | ||
| What was her name? | ||
| Big... | ||
| How about Mr. White Folks? | ||
| Remember Mr. White Folks? | ||
| There he is right there. | ||
| Go right above the cursor. | ||
| This guy. | ||
| Mr. White Folks. | ||
| Mr. White Folks. | ||
| Oh my god, he was hilarious. | ||
| Why are you reckless eyeballing? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes, yes! | |
| Oh, it's crazy, this show. | ||
| This documentary was one of my favorites. | ||
| And then the other guy we liked, Fillmore Slim. | ||
| Oh, I just loved how he would come to LA, all his girls got arrested, and he's like, you thought that was my first track? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| I got another track. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Quick. | |
| And he just was on a payphone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He brought in the B team. | ||
| They took out the B team and then he sent the A team down second. | ||
| So y'all knocked the wrong hoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Y'all knocked the wrong hoes. | ||
| Like they were playing... | ||
| Had a busy booking name. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| I was like, yes, I love this guy. | ||
| They played games. | ||
| We were obsessed with that show, that documentary. | ||
| I mean, obviously there's sadness to it. | ||
| Like no one wants a girl to be a prostitute. | ||
| So much sadness to it. | ||
| On both parts, yes. | ||
| But the girl gets zero percentage. | ||
| That's where I remember learning that. | ||
| And I was like, what? | ||
| Let me ask you this, honestly and truthfully. | ||
| Isn't a lot of what's wrong with prostitution two things. | ||
| One, our idea about it, like our forbidden, it's taboo, you're not supposed to get money for sex. | ||
| And two, the fact that it's illegal. | ||
| Because if it was legal, probably the same amount of people would be doing it. | ||
| No. | ||
| More, don't you think? | ||
| I think it would be more. | ||
| I think it would be more. | ||
| The same amount of people would be doing prostitution or going to prostitutes. | ||
| I'm saying doing prostitution. | ||
| Yeah, I'm saying doing prostitution. | ||
| They just would be busier. | ||
| They'd be busier. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It would be more high-end, like Heidi Fleissie. | |
| I know that wrong, but you know what I mean. | ||
| Heidi Floyd. | ||
| It'd probably be more people, because I know a lot of girls that would do it if it was legal, you know? | ||
| That's what I'm saying! | ||
| Oh, leave my Kim alone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you. | |
| My sweet Kim. | ||
| You are so rude. | ||
| I would be working side-by-side with Kim, is what I'm saying. | ||
| See, if it was legal, I think if it was accepted and legal, I think definitely more people would do it, you know? | ||
| I think if I was a girl, I would definitely fuck guys that I would attract to for money. | ||
| If I was attracted to a guy, and he was like, look, I don't want a relationship, but I'll give you two grand for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sometimes I've had sex with a guy, and then... | |
| You're sick. | ||
| Even in a relationship, one time I remember getting in an argument with my boyfriend, because after we had sex, he gave me money, and I was like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Inappropriate? | |
| And he was like, what? | ||
| But it was for something? | ||
| He's like, oh, you're going to go get this today. | ||
| I forget what it was. | ||
| I don't know if it was something for me. | ||
| I forget what it was, but it was money. | ||
| And I was like, am I a prostitute? | ||
| When he left, I was like, oh, that didn't feel that bad. | ||
| I might do this more often. | ||
| If you really like the guy, I bet it's awesome. | ||
| No, but we were in a relationship. | ||
| But it was just a weird moment. | ||
| I was like, oh. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I'm saying, if you really love the guy, you'd get two things you like. | ||
| Dick and then money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that's that order, usually. | ||
| I mean, people get paid for jobs that they love. | ||
| Or people get paid for jobs that they hate. | ||
| How about getting paid for one they love? | ||
| Yeah, like movie stars get paid. | ||
| They get paid for being in movies, then they enjoy it. | ||
| They love it. | ||
| They're out there acting, explosions going on. | ||
| Get more with a tit out. | ||
| Yeah, let's do it. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| That's where I brought it. | ||
| I'm just excited. | ||
| I'm excited we're going to rally to make this legal so that Kim and I have something to do. | ||
| It's eventually going to be legal. | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| It might turn to be like a virtual thing before it becomes legal. | ||
| I've been thinking about what you were saying about the porn, the virtual porn with the headsets on being so interactive and immersive. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, of course. | ||
| That's just what's going to happen. | ||
| They're just going to figure out a way to make it. | ||
| They're going to figure out a way to stimulate your body. | ||
| That's the only thing that's missing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like once they stimulate your mind, maybe they'll be able to put you in some sort of a trance where you feel like it's stimulating your body. | ||
| We're already in a trance. | ||
| I was looking at something that they're selling really recently. | ||
| God, I'm trying to remember this because I saved it but I didn't read it. | ||
| But it was talking about some new device that's able to stimulate certain areas of the mind from the outside of your head. | ||
| They did a whole episode of Radiolab about this sort of technology a long time ago. | ||
| I want to say like two years ago, maybe. | ||
| And it was really interesting because it was about how they stimulate different parts of your scalp. | ||
| And through doing so, it allows you to remember and learn things way quicker. | ||
| Through electricity, maybe? | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Nine Volt Nirvana is the episode on Radiolab. | ||
| If you guys have never listened to Radiolab, it's fucking awesome. | ||
| It's one of the best podcasts in the world. | ||
| Nine-volt rate. | ||
| It's really interesting. | ||
| And this is one of my favorite episodes because it's about this girl. | ||
| This is how it starts off. | ||
| She works for this... | ||
| I should say woman. | ||
| She's a woman. | ||
| She has a good job. | ||
| She's educated. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| She's not a child. | ||
| I'm not good. | ||
| I say girl-boy for adults all the time. | ||
| And I should fix that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Who cares? | ||
| Her use is a nine-volt battery. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So she went there to this place that trains snipers. | ||
| This sniper skills... | ||
| And what it is is a video game, a virtual reality thing. | ||
| So you put on the headset or, you know, they take her through the thing with a gun and she shoots at all the different targets and all these different events happen in front of her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love that. | |
| And when it plays out, after it's over, they tally up her score. | ||
| So she does that in a normal way and then they stimulate the outside areas of her brain. | ||
| She goes in. | ||
| It's supposed to be 20 minutes. | ||
| They end it, and she goes, why'd you guys end it so quick? | ||
| And they go, that was 20 minutes. | ||
| And she's like, what? | ||
| And then she hit every target. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| She went from being completely ineffective to being like a fucking world-class sniper. | ||
| By just them jazzing her brain up. | ||
| And she went into the zone where she didn't even know she was doing it. | ||
| So think about that. | ||
| She had never done this before. | ||
| She sucked at it just a few minutes ago. | ||
| They put these electrodes on her head. | ||
| They give it to her. | ||
| And then all of a sudden she's like... | ||
| That's interesting. | ||
| She's like a super soldier. | ||
| Is there any science to that? | ||
| I mean, is there somebody that's tested this? | ||
| Because why aren't we all just putting 9-volt batteries on our heads? | ||
| Well, they are testing it. | ||
| What is the actual term? | ||
| Transdermal electrical stimulation? | ||
| Transdermal cranial... | ||
| I have some 9-volt batteries at home. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Say it again, please. | ||
| I lost the word. | ||
| Say it again? | ||
| Transdermal cranial stimulation, I believe. | ||
| I'm trying to... | ||
| Yeah, I think that's... | ||
| Direct current stimulation. | ||
| That sounds right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So this is apparently... | ||
| There's a lot of guys who hack themselves, and they make their own little things with 9-volt batteries and shit that you could buy from Radio Shack, and they just slap little electrodes on their head and zap themselves. | ||
| Like a do-it-yourself. | ||
| Sometimes it kills their sense of smell for a week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| I cooked my sense of smell today, dude. | ||
| I'm not joking. | ||
| That's awful, but great. | ||
| But they get benefits out of it, too. | ||
| People are reporting benefits out of it. | ||
| They find a spot on the body, or the brain, rather, where they can hit it from the outside, and it makes some sort of an impact. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Well, you think about your skull, right? | ||
| Think about your skin and your skull. | ||
| If somebody shaved a part of your head and attached some shit to the side of your head and then shot electricity into that area, like your brain is going to be affected by that. | ||
| I mean, it's right there. | ||
| It's like pounded on the outside of the brain. | ||
| There's got to be some of it that's going through, right? | ||
| There's got to be some energy that's going through. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And that brain's like, I know Kung Fu. | |
| Oh! | ||
| Like in the Matrix? | ||
| It's interesting. | ||
| Like, maybe even, like, you could put, like, watch batteries on a molar. | ||
| So there has to be, like, another way to put it in. | ||
| You're having a skull cap that has, like, a battery attached to it that you can just wear every day or something. | ||
| Something like that, I guess. | ||
| This is exactly it. | ||
| Scroll back up, please. | ||
| Oh, I've seen this. | ||
| I've seen this. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Hold on, stop. | ||
| Folk dot... | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| What is it doing? | ||
| Is it spazzing on you? | ||
| We gotta get a new laptop, huh? | ||
| Things get old. | ||
| Folk.us. | ||
| Folk.us. | ||
| Transcranial direct current stimulation headset helps get your game on. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Let me pause right here. | ||
| Speaking of game on. | ||
| I'm done filming my special, so we gotta get a fucking LAN party going on up in this bitch. | ||
| Now that Quake is out, I talked to the Razer people. | ||
| They're gonna hook us up with some gaming laptop. | ||
| Oh, you mean they're putting Quake back out, right? | ||
| Quake is coming back out. | ||
| This is the Quake Champions, or something it's called, I think. | ||
| It looks badass. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You mean Razer, the best PCs you can buy? | |
| Wait, Razer's a PC? Well, it's interesting, like... | ||
| I told you that I was one of the people that helped them design their mouse in the late 90s. | ||
| Me and my friend Lou Morton, who's one of the writers of news radio, who's a super smart dude and a fucking total quakehead back in the day. | ||
| He was way better than me. | ||
| He used to beat my ass. | ||
| Like, I remember I beat his ass one time. | ||
| I was so happy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo! | |
| Most of the time he fucked me up. | ||
| He was just better at quake. | ||
| Quake was this crazy 3D video game. | ||
| This is it right here. | ||
| This is the newest version of it. | ||
| And you play in the first person, and it is fucking... | ||
| The new ones are unbelievably cool. | ||
| Like, the graphics are insane. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| I mean, and the in-game footage of them actually playing the game is just magical. | ||
| Look at this shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Why real life? | ||
| Fuck real life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real life sucked my dick. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is way better than real life. | |
| My kids would love this. | ||
| You don't have any kids. | ||
| Yeah, I do. | ||
| You can't... | ||
| They're pretend. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Whoa, see that? | ||
| Someone shot the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| Eleanor, you would be so aggressive with this. | ||
| Yeah, that's... | ||
| Because I know you, like, you're so aggressive. | ||
| I have anger issues and I can't... | ||
| Well, people don't know. | ||
| We haven't told them yet. | ||
| There you are. | ||
| That's Halle Berry, bitch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| I want to be her. | ||
| When's this come out? | ||
| Look at these things. | ||
| I think it's out, man. | ||
| This is out? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| So this was an old game you used to play that is now, obviously... | ||
| Well, they've significantly upgraded the graphics. | ||
| I mean, this is not really the game itself. | ||
| This is just the video game engine, though, that the game is based on. | ||
| So this is similar. | ||
| So violent. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's similar to the... | ||
| Some of it is like in-game real footage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch this. | |
| Dude stabbed him with a fucking chainsaw hand. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| How great would that be if you had that in real life? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It'd be mean. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'd be in a lot of trouble. | ||
| When is that out, young Jamie? | ||
| They just announced, I would guess next year, they just announced the set E3 and this is a big announcement. | ||
| God damn, that looks awesome. | ||
| I've never heard of that. | ||
| They don't even know yet. | ||
| Oh, cool. | ||
| There's that, and then there's Doom, which is out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And that's what we're going to have the LAN party plan. | ||
| There's a new Doom that's based on, I think it's the same engine. | ||
| It is fucking awesome. | ||
| So, when you say, you have a, what are you saying you're going to have? | ||
| A LAN party? | ||
| LAN. Oh, local area network LAN party. | ||
| A local area network party is you get a bunch of computers, you link them all together so that you have zero ping, so there's no latency. | ||
| What that means is like when you play a game online, like at least in the older games, they're getting way better at it now and internet speeds are way higher anyway, but when you would press a button, like try to shoot, there was a delay between the time that the signal got to the server that's hosting the game. | ||
| And if you were real lucky, you had like a low ping. | ||
| Like guys had like a 30 ping or a 20 ping, and you're like, whoa, that guy's got an awesome ping. | ||
| Then it got even lower. | ||
| Some guys got cable modems and shit, and it got down to like 10. And if you were local, though, there was zero ping. | ||
| So if we were all together, and we were playing in this room, we would play against each other in this crazy 3D environment like this. | ||
| This is what we would see. | ||
| I miss doing lawn parties. | ||
| This is real in-game footage. | ||
| I mean, the in-game footage is fucking amazing. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is all in-game footage. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| And then some of it's not. | ||
| Some of it's they're mixing up, but it's dope. | ||
| I played like a weird game with my niece, Shauna. | ||
| I don't remember what it was, but there was four of us connected on the iPads. | ||
| Oh yeah, people do that too now, right? | ||
| I'm not sure what that was. | ||
| You do that with some tablets and stuff, right? | ||
| It was a tablet, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Well, they're probably doing that with Pokemons, right? | ||
| Kind of, yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's not direct-direct, person-to-person yet. | ||
| So weird. | ||
| Yeah, but it was cool. | ||
| I was like, wait, we're all connected? | ||
| Like the idiot. | ||
| Well, this is what they're going to do, man. | ||
| They're going to have these things, like these video games like Doom, and they're going to have those 3D, like virtual reality sets. | ||
| And you're going to be playing these things out there in the real world. | ||
| That's when people are going to start getting run over. | ||
| I'm going to play in the real world. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I just like to fight for real. | |
| They're driving people around like Uber service for Pokemon right now. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I'll drive you anywhere you want to go for 30 bucks. | ||
| I take Uber every day and that's one of the greatest benefits now because usually you're just sitting in the back of an Uber going, God damn it. | ||
| Hurry up. | ||
| You know, but now I was just collecting Pokemons on the way to the Comedy Store. | ||
| So did you tell the guy, hey, pull over, I gotta get a Pokemon? | ||
| No, but there was a few times where I was like, I almost wanted to say, hey, can you just go slow right here for a second? | ||
| So as you go slow, it would pick up the fact that you were there? | ||
| Yeah, it's easier to go, if you're going slow, it's easier to get things. | ||
| I thought I heard that you can't do it over 30 miles an hour, like it has some sort of... | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you can, it doesn't work. | |
| It's harder to do. | ||
| Like when you can't do your GPS. Oh, you're the driver. | ||
| You can't be doing this while you're moving. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You say you're the passenger. | ||
| You say shut up and mind your business. | ||
| They're probably going to have to change because I feel like a lot of people are going to die and get in car accidents and there's going to be a lot of lawsuits. | ||
| So I have a feeling in the near future they're probably going to make it so if it detects that you're going a certain speed, it's just not going to let you do anything. | ||
| Did you get laid playing Pokemon Go? | ||
| Pokemon Go is great for my mental health. | ||
| I also got laid. | ||
| Pokemon got me laid. | ||
| I just got laid by telling my girl I had to go inside her to catch a Pikachu in Pokemon. | ||
| Used her as a Pokeball for the electric Pokemongo? | ||
| Pokemongo? | ||
| Pokemongo. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| What was Pokemon in the beginning? | ||
| I can't even... | ||
| I don't know anything. | ||
| It's Japanese for pocket monster, invisible monster or something. | ||
| I think it's invisible monster. | ||
| But was it a cartoon or something? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a cartoon and then it became a very successful line of video games for kids on Nintendo and Game Boys and stuff like that. | ||
| But it was really all just preparing itself for this monstrous thing. | ||
| For this moment. | ||
| But it brought it up. | ||
| I mean, it was dying out. | ||
| I should have worn my Pikachu outfit today. | ||
| I'm so happy you didn't. | ||
| Well, it's obviously raised the stock. | ||
| Would you say like $9 billion or something crazy? | ||
| Yeah, $9 billion. | ||
| I just saw someone else that said $11. | ||
| No, it went up already. | ||
| Like, it's just going. | ||
| Jesus Christ, they're going to have all the money. | ||
| Should we buy stock in it? | ||
| Nintendo has been hurting for a while, too, since Xbox and PlayStation, and this is the exact thing they needed. | ||
| This sounds like they just made a money printing machine. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| I don't know where the money comes in, though, because it's a free game. | ||
| No, you can buy things in it, like that thing that you put down on the ground that attracts Pokemon. | ||
| Oh, those cost money. | ||
| Those things cost money. | ||
| Well, also, just the potential. | ||
| The connection that you're having. | ||
| If you all of a sudden created an app that beats Twitter, Twitter's been around forever. | ||
| If you come up with something that can beat Twitter like that... | ||
| Yeah, you can figure out how to make money on it later. | ||
| Oh, my gosh. | ||
| Snapchat just did that. | ||
| Meanwhile, I say this, but hasn't Twitter had that same exact problem? | ||
| They've had a problem like... | ||
| Monetizing now. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Snapchat just surpassed Twitter, and I think Twitter's on this way out, honestly. | ||
| I could see how Pokemon could set up stops where you could have places that were places of business, and you could pay to have that a stop, and people have to go in, and then a certain amount of people would just buy things there anyway. | ||
| But then you'd deal with a lot of fucking nutty people showing up at your ice cream store. | ||
| But now, wait, Twitter's on the way out? | ||
| I just learned how to tweet! | ||
| Welcome. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| That's like 15 years old. | ||
| I quit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't. | |
| I didn't even join Snapchat, quit, whatever it's called. | ||
| I tried to get all of my different possible names. | ||
| I mean, Snapchat is someone snatched up. | ||
| Are you on Snapchat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's impossible. | ||
| But I'm not really on Snapchat. | ||
| I'm only on Snapchat to use the filters to make fun. | ||
| I like the porn on there. | ||
| It's so great. | ||
| People send me some great porn. | ||
| I'm not going to say who, but this MMA fighter that he's a comedian also. | ||
| He just outed him. | ||
| He has a different girl every night that he sends me snaps of him fucking. | ||
| I've seen his dick more than I want to. | ||
| He's sending him directly to you on purpose? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, so it goes directly to you. | ||
| Oh, he's great. | ||
| But no, the porn is great, though, on there. | ||
| Because a lot of girls use it, a lot of porn stars and stuff like that use it like, hey, if you give me so many tokens or whatever, you can get my Snapchat. | ||
| So then in their Snapchats, they're just like full-on nudity. | ||
| Because Snapchat... | ||
| Jamie, I don't know if this is correct, but isn't Snapchat owned by... | ||
| A porn company like Pornhub or somebody, a famous porn company started Snapchat because they originally wanted to say, no? | ||
| They originally wanted to have it as an app where you can show your dick and it goes away in 10 seconds. | ||
| But I swear to God, somebody told me that Pornhub is the... | ||
| The dude who started, it's only 26. I don't know that he also was involved in porn his whole life. | ||
| How dare you, Brian. | ||
| He's got my hopes up. | ||
| Somebody told me this. | ||
| It could be his early investors. | ||
| You're saying somebody told me this as if you're shocked that people are retarded. | ||
| Somebody told me this. | ||
| I can't believe it wasn't true. | ||
| Well, people could definitely get it wrong. | ||
| That's funny, though. | ||
| Whoever told me was very sure that... | ||
| Yeah, they were probably on coke. | ||
| They were coked up and they were telling you the truth. | ||
| I'm telling you, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's the fucking truth. | |
| This is it, man. | ||
| I know my shit. | ||
| Eleanor, what happened to that pro wrestling thing you were going out for recently? | ||
| Okay, it was a script. | ||
| They haven't started casting yet. | ||
| They just put out calls for it two days ago or something like that. | ||
| People probably don't even know. | ||
| But Eleanor was one of the women of wrestling. | ||
| Wow, women of wrestling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Easy. | |
| Rider. | ||
| She used to crush pool balls and... | ||
| Yes. | ||
| To scare her enemies. | ||
| It was hilarious. | ||
| That was my favorite video to make. | ||
| Just to hit people and then to crush the ball. | ||
| I had so much fun. | ||
| I must have crushed like 30 balls that day just for fun. | ||
| You're the only person that I knew before they did pro wrestling that I wanted to see them do pro wrestling. | ||
| I remember you came, Dom came, Dom and Sophie came. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, we had a great time. | |
| We brought a giant stack of people to the store. | ||
| Or from the store, rather. | ||
| Oh, who'd you get? | ||
| Which one did you get? | ||
| There she is, talking trash. | ||
| How long did you do this for? | ||
| It was on for two seasons. | ||
| That was Maria, and Julia Rossi's a comic, and Maria, I forget her last name, but they were Easy Rider fans. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How embarrassing. | |
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Watch. | |
| Oh, boy. | ||
| Mic drop. | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| That was when we broke Selena's leg, remember? | ||
| Yeah, and did someone break their leg accidentally? | ||
| Selena, no, she didn't hurt her leg. | ||
| She pulled a muscle. | ||
| Yeah, she pulled a muscle or something. | ||
| There she is. | ||
| Pulling a muscle. | ||
| Yeah, she had the brace, the knee brace. | ||
| She had something going on. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I mean, it was part of the story, mostly. | ||
| That is a strong mullet. | ||
| Good Lord. | ||
| She was our trainer, and she is amazing. | ||
| And so was the big lady that's with me. | ||
| How long? | ||
| We did this for two seasons. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| It got canceled because we did a pay-per-view. | ||
| I can't look at that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they didn't make any money? | |
| Yeah, it didn't make any money. | ||
| And it wasn't just doing well. | ||
| It just wasn't doing that well in the ratings. | ||
| But David McClain, the guy, the producer, he's bringing it back. | ||
| And he's putting it digital. | ||
| And I'm going to be an announcer. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, obviously, I'm not going to let them throw me around. | ||
| I could break a hip. | ||
| I still love it because they trained us to be professional stunt women, you know? | ||
| Oh, this is hilarious. | ||
| Well, it was really physical. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| She hit me with a chair and I broke my pinky. | ||
| What was the one girl that was supposed to be like the Baywatch girl? | ||
| Oh, there was two of them. | ||
| There was a bunch of different characters, like Compton girls. | ||
| They were a little racy. | ||
| All the stereotypes. | ||
| There was one girl, I can't remember her stage name, but she basically played basketball. | ||
| Slam Dunk, that was what they called her. | ||
| Slam Dunk, I knew it was something silly. | ||
| Meanwhile, she's an amazing athlete. | ||
| I don't know if she's coming back for this one, but Jungle Girl, Erica Porter, she runs a gym. | ||
| Jungle Girl? | ||
| Her name is Jungle Girl? | ||
| Jungle Girl was one of the other characters. | ||
| That shit is not going to fly today. | ||
| That's Bronco Billy. | ||
| Lisa Daniel. | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| She's from Baltimore. | ||
| Where are the summer... | ||
| Look at that mullet. | ||
| Yeah, there was Summer. | ||
| There was a bunch of different characters. | ||
| Look at Selena Majors. | ||
| Jeez Louise. | ||
| A long time ago, in the early 90s, I believe, or late 80s, there was a show called Glow, Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, and that was the same producer. | ||
| And they're the ones that have a script out called Glow, and Netflix bought it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Caged Heat? | |
| That's not racist. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| Property of the State. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Property of the state prison. | ||
| These girls in orange jumpsuits. | ||
| Every one of those girls is so talented. | ||
| Like, great athlete. | ||
| Amazing stunt. | ||
| They really are strong. | ||
| So they did it for two years. | ||
| We did it for two years, yeah. | ||
| And how many shows? | ||
| Like, how many shows a year would you do? | ||
| That must be the new cast. | ||
| That must be the newer one. | ||
| Yeah, because there's Lana and all the girls. | ||
| Erica Porter is so strong. | ||
| I love her. | ||
| And Elle, her name was Danger. | ||
| She's like a professional stunt person that does movies, everything. | ||
| But yeah, so we did, I forget how many shows, but it was at the Forum, which was amazing, in Inglewood. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So we would train at the Forum and we'd be running around jogging. | ||
| And Michael Cooper would be, he was the coach of the Sparks at the time. | ||
| So like Lisa Leslie and them would be down there. | ||
| We did the UFC there recently. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Isn't it such a great place? | ||
| I mean, it's a giant facility. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| And then on the walls, it has all the different people that have played there every year. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And how many times they played. | ||
| Was my name up there? | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Oh. | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| I think Dice's name is up there, though. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Dice did the form. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was filled with legendary musicians, though. | ||
| When you're walking down the hall and you're reading how many times Queen was there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, it's amazing. | ||
| That's a great spot. | ||
| I mean, I was honored to be... | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| That's all from my Instagram. | ||
| Stevie Wonder, Dewey Brothers. | ||
| Easy Rider, Alice Cooper. | ||
| The Kinks. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And this is like Elton John four times in a year. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ka-ching! | |
| Just... | ||
| crazy. | ||
| David Bowie. | ||
| Man, wild shit. | ||
| Those places are so interesting to me because these old, old venues, they're almost like a museum as well as being a place where you see a show. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| I mean, so much went on in that place. | ||
| You could feel it even being in there during the day. | ||
| I was so honored. | ||
| I know we were just wrestling, whatever, but it was a big deal to me to be a part of that. | ||
| Well, that's one of the reasons why I think the Comedy Store has to get some sort of historic designation. | ||
| They should. | ||
| We've tried to get that. | ||
| I remember doing that. | ||
| It should happen. | ||
| Because that place is historic. | ||
| It's like a museum. | ||
| I mean, it really is. | ||
| From the pictures on the walls to just the feel of the place and how important that is for one particular art form. | ||
| That place is like a fucking museum. | ||
| Like a living, breathing, awesome, you-can-go-to-it-right-now museum. | ||
| I feel like we tried to get it as a landmark or something like that, but it didn't work because... | ||
| There's too many bodies underneath. | ||
| Like the Chinese Theater. | ||
| Wouldn't you think that that place needs to stay around? | ||
| Man's Chinese Theater? | ||
| That's historic, right? | ||
| I would imagine it should be. | ||
| It has to be. | ||
| They should try to do it before Mitzi passes so it can't get torn down. | ||
| Well, that was the whole thing, yeah. | ||
| When I was her personal assistant, we tried to get all kinds of stuff like that done because they were coming after us for different things, like not being up to date on certain codes, laws, and things. | ||
| And then we were grandfathered in from a lot of them, and we got away with a lot of them. | ||
| So it was weird, but I remember trying to get that, and I don't know if they ever followed through with that. | ||
| I'll have to find that out. | ||
| Check it out. | ||
| But they definitely should. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Obviously, because it was there way longer than Ciro's. | ||
| Ciro's was a hotspot back in the day. | ||
| That was where Lucille Ball hung and all that. | ||
| The main room, that was a big deal to Hollywood, too. | ||
| But I don't know how long that was open. | ||
| Maybe only... | ||
| Five, eight years. | ||
| Ten years, maybe? | ||
| Yeah, but there's so many pictures of Marilyn Monroe and all these people. | ||
| No, it's giant. | ||
| It should be historic. | ||
| Sammy Davis Jr., Frank Sinatra, they would play there on the weekend, like a regular thing. | ||
| But with that logic, then it should have never been allowed to become a comedy store. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| I'm not sure what the etiquette is. | ||
| I don't remember what that part... | ||
| Yeah, how long was it, Ciro's? | ||
| I'll have to figure that out. | ||
| Not too long, I don't think. | ||
| Couldn't have been nearly as long as it was the store, right? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| No, but she got the original room first, right? | ||
| And then she bought the main room later. | ||
| So when she bought the main room, what she bought it for was she loved that cereals thing, that vibe, you know, like the big bands and stuff like that. | ||
| So she would have Buddy Rich on the weekends at the comedy store playing, like his band. | ||
| And I remember like Dice going, um... | ||
| Seventeen years. | ||
| Oh, shoot. | ||
| Serials was seventeen years. | ||
| Yeah, opened in 1940 and closed in 1947. Hmm. | ||
| Transformed into a rock and roll club in the early sixties. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Because he bought it. | |
| Called The Boss. | ||
| What was the guy's name that bought it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's Boss. | |
| Became the Comedy Store in 1972. He was a DJ. Look at that fucking neon sign. | ||
| Look how cool that is. | ||
| Yeah, we have that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| We have the neon sign? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| Where? | ||
| In the basement. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Holy shit. | |
| I was in the basement the other day looking at all this stuff. | ||
| That's where we do the Comedy Store podcast, in the basement. | ||
| Basement? | ||
| They have that thing there? | ||
| Maybe I'm thinking of the big round one we have in the kitchen. | ||
| The big round one from the kitchen is amazing. | ||
| All that was in the basement when she bought it from the DJ. What was the DJ's name? | ||
| I can't think of his name. | ||
| He ran the main room. | ||
| He owned that. | ||
| She bought it from him. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Yeah, so and that was 78 or I'm sorry not so 70 72 and then yeah around there like 76 76 maybe Wow she bought the main room and that became it's just a weird like for like four years awesome piece of history yeah you know like there's like just a few spots like that in In all of entertainment, where so many things were created out of that one area. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's not like a whole lot of those spots. | ||
| They're important. | ||
| She wanted me to help her write a book. | ||
| And I was thinking, wow, Mitzi wanted me to help her write a book. | ||
| And I was like, wow, that would be so amazing. | ||
| I can't barely read a book, but I'll try. | ||
| Because I was so into the comedy store. | ||
| And then what she really wanted to make was a coffee table book from all the stuff in Vegas. | ||
| So, because Vegas, she did go there in the Dunes Hotel for a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, there were some great footage, pictures. | ||
| She has audio. | ||
| Well, they used to have Westwood, too. | ||
| Westwood, yeah. | ||
| Westwood was a big one, apparently. | ||
| That was all before my time. | ||
| Yeah, me too. | ||
| But Westwood, apparently, was where guys would develop. | ||
| So, like, they sent Kinison and those guys down there. | ||
| They would develop at Westwood, and then they would come over to Hollywood once they'd already got their feet under them. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, Dice has a lot of stories. | ||
| Ronnie, Kenny, all those older guys I would talk to, they would always tell Westwood stories. | ||
| I'd be like, what? | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| But it was cool. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| There they are. | ||
| Comedy Store West. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's so cool. | ||
| Look at Jay Leno. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He looks so fresh. | ||
| So fresh and so clean. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him. | |
| Who's that guy? | ||
| Look how cute Mitts is. | ||
| Who are the other guys? | ||
| Good question. | ||
| I'm going to have to look. | ||
| Looks like Billy... | ||
| Is that Rick Wright? | ||
| He was just on Marc Maron's podcast. | ||
| Billy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Billy West? | |
| The skinnier guy. | ||
| I can't think of his name. | ||
| He did a cartoon. | ||
| Billy West? | ||
| No? | ||
| You already asked that. | ||
| I asked it again. | ||
| Maybe she didn't hear. | ||
| Look at Robin Williams. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, he's doing Dwarf on Golf. | |
| He's so cute. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man. | |
| And then, of course, La Jolla, which is real similar as well. | ||
| It's just a strange place that people get sent down there, like guys that are coming up. | ||
| It's an awesome club. | ||
| I got lucky with Tommy booking me in La Jolla a lot to develop when I first started, like sending me down as an opener. | ||
| And I was just so broke. | ||
| I was like, yeah, I'll take, you know, like it was exciting. | ||
| It was like 700 bucks just to host for the weekend. | ||
| You're like, this is awesome. | ||
| And so, yeah, I go down a lot. | ||
| So I got like, I fell in love with that club. | ||
| It was a beautiful place. | ||
| As a comic, yeah. | ||
| And that condo. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Nick DiPaolo did a comedy special there, or a CD. Well, he did. | ||
| Oh, he's so funny. | ||
| One of my favorites. | ||
| One time, I was a talent coordinator for a week, because Mitzi was going crazy, and people were quitting, whatever. | ||
| There was nonsense happening, so she was like, I need somebody in there. | ||
| So I was taking avails and stuff, and I noticed that Nick DiPaolo didn't call in. | ||
| This is when he used to live in LA. So I called him, and I'm like, hey, do you have any avails this week? | ||
| He goes... | ||
| I call in if I have avails. | ||
| You don't call me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he hung up on me. | |
| I was so mad. | ||
| That's neat to borrow for you. | ||
| Yeah, but those are my favorite comics. | ||
| I would call them and see them. | ||
| Eleanor, where are you at next? | ||
| Because I've got to close this thing out. | ||
| Okay, let's close it up. | ||
| I am at the La Jolla Comedy Store, July 22nd and the 23rd. | ||
| And then I'm doing July 30th with Dice at the Ford Amphitheater in Cody Island. | ||
| That's going to be a big one. | ||
| I'm excited to be featuring for him there. | ||
| Dice and Coney Island. | ||
| Coney Island Amphitheater. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| But La Jolla, I'm excited. | ||
| It's the 22nd, 23rd. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Who are you working with down there? | ||
| I'm headlining. | ||
| But I mean, who are you working with? | ||
| Do you know? | ||
| Jean Pompa was on the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, okay. | |
| Cool. | ||
| And I forget who else. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| I don't know who's up, but I love Jean Pompa. | ||
| Headlining at the Comedy Store in La Jolla. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Congratulations. | ||
| Yeah, it's very exciting. | ||
| Alright folks, that's it. | ||
| If you want to get a hold of Eleanor and send her pictures of your dick. | ||
| Oh yeah, and listen to the Comedy Store podcast. | ||
| Yes, listen to the Comedy Store podcast. | ||
| And what's your Twitter? | ||
| EJKerrigan. | ||
| And Instagram. | ||
| Do you got an Instagram? | ||
| Yeah, same thing. | ||
| EJKerrigan or Eleanor Kerrigan. | ||
| Eleanor J. Kerrigan is my website. | ||
| And Brian Redband on Twitter and Instagram and DeathSquad.tv for comedy shows. | ||
| Got anything coming up? | ||
| Irvine Improv tomorrow and Friday Ice House. | ||
| Nice! | ||
| Beautiful Irvine Improv. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| So beautiful. | ||
| So is the Ice House, obviously. | ||
| Alright, fuckers. | ||
| See you later. |
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