June 21, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:41:53
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| I'll never forget. | ||
| Five, four, three, two, one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| How the fuck has it been so many years and you haven't been on here? | ||
| This is ridiculous. | ||
| Timing, everything. | ||
| There's times you go super busy. | ||
| And you too. | ||
| It's really good seeing you. | ||
| It's fucking awesome seeing you, man. | ||
| It's really awesome seeing you. | ||
| This is a weird thing because we're having this conversation and people are listening to it, but at the same time... | ||
| You know, you're one of my favorite people, and I've fucking known you forever. | ||
| We were friends when we were both hungry, scrappy, young comedians with no idea what the fuck was going to happen. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, we were both like, well, what the fuck is going to happen in the future? | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's a bond that you have with people that, like, you and I were essentially in the same place in our lives, in the same place in our comedy careers, at the same time. | ||
| And, you know, I tell everyone... | ||
| What I liked about you, how real and honest you were. | ||
| And you were also like, all you want to do is play pool, which I didn't know shit about pool. | ||
| And you're like, dude, it's alright, it's alright, we're going to play pool. | ||
| And I would suck! | ||
| And I could tell you'd get bored real quick. | ||
| You'd go to pool halls, and you'd fucking work out. | ||
| Dude, you want to go to the gym? | ||
| Like, alright, we'll go to the gym. | ||
| But you'd be there for like an hour and a half. | ||
| And I gotta say, as I watched your whole career grow and grow and grow, I can tell when the fighting came along, the UFC, am I wrong to say you probably were the happiest? | ||
| That was not the greatest job for you ever. | ||
| It was pretty fucking awesome. | ||
| Because you never changed. | ||
| All I knew you as... | ||
| A tough guy, honest guy, played billiards, worked out. | ||
| I've heard you say, dude, I'll fucking choke you out right now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This guy's... | |
| Dude, we're at a craft table for a Disney show. | ||
| What show is this? | ||
| What was the baseball show? | ||
| Oh, hardball. | ||
| That's right, dude. | ||
| You were the fucking pioneer. | ||
| Horrifying. | ||
| Dude, I have a photo of us. | ||
| It's a monkey. | ||
| I have a photo of us that I have to bring in. | ||
| I have to bring it in. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| I know exactly where I put it. | ||
| I don't have to find it. | ||
| I know exactly. | ||
| It's you and me from, like, 1993. We look like babies. | ||
| We are babies! | ||
| We look like babies. | ||
| And with Ruthann. | ||
| Remember? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The agent? | |
| Yes! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Dude, that was a funny role. | ||
| That was one of my favorite examples of a show that could have been a really funny show written by really funny guys, and the networks just jizzed all over it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just stuck their own thumb up their ass. | |
| Just, oh, this is mine now! | ||
| And they ruined it. | ||
| They ruined it. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| But you were there at the pilot. | ||
| But you're on the craft line. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| Craft services. | ||
| Which, to me, that was the greatest part of even filming anything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I was still, I was still, this is free. | |
| Like, oh my god. | ||
| So there was a guy, young fucking little guy, just, he probably wants to be an actor, but he's serving rice to us. | ||
| And he has a shirt that says, I love karate. | ||
| And you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Just fucking this. | |
| Here it comes. | ||
| You're all hopped up. | ||
| And he goes, dude, you take karate? | ||
| And the kid goes, yeah. | ||
| Dude, I don't know if he said kickboxing or whatever he said. | ||
| Karate sucks. | ||
| It's the fucking worst. | ||
| There's no way you're not mischaracterizing this conversation. | ||
| No! | ||
| There's no way it happened like that. | ||
| Like, I just walked up to a guy dealing rice and was like, dude, karate sucks. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| He had a shirt. | ||
| He had a karate shirt. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And that was enough to set me off? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You started poking questions for him. | ||
| You were, like, asking his intelligence. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You said, okay, man, what's your, uh... | |
| We'll get you into karate. | ||
| And then he would go something like, you know, I like the martial arts. | ||
| And then you would say, dude, you should take this. | ||
| And he'd be like, nah, I think karate guy would win it. | ||
| And then I saw you just like, dude, I'm telling you right now, fucking crush you. | ||
| But the point of the conversation was, I couldn't, I just never saw anyone like you in my life. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I... You're like a fucking... | |
| That moment we go, this guy is so... | ||
| You were fearless. | ||
| I've never seen anyone so fearless in my life. | ||
| And I've always looked up to you for that. | ||
| Sounds like I'm a douchebag. | ||
| No, it doesn't! | ||
| I've definitely never been fearless. | ||
| I'm not a fearless person. | ||
| Is that how you just took that? | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| No, no. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Alright. | |
| No, not at all. | ||
| I'm fucking around. | ||
| But I've never been fearless. | ||
| I'm scared of everything. | ||
| But this is how you respond to it. | ||
| It's how you respond to fear. | ||
| Whether or not you're scared of the unknown. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Most people shy away from the unknown, you know? | ||
| That is very true. | ||
| Well, it's hard to get honest because sometimes there's a lot of deeper factors and there's a lot of eyes on you. | ||
| You know, if your kids' eyes are on you, you want to expose them to stuff, so it's a little like I'm afeard to be... | ||
| I fear being a little too honest at times. | ||
| Right, I see what you're saying. | ||
| But I don't know if that's right or wrong. | ||
| Right, I know, but you're kind of protecting yourself, or your kids, in a lot of ways, from how you are, because you don't want them to kind of be as wild and crazy as you were when you were young, like with the pot thing and stuff like that. | ||
| Well, like, here, let me ask you this. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If you're... | ||
| Let's see, how old you have... | ||
| How old... | ||
| Three daughters. | ||
| Okay. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I have three daughters. | ||
| If one daughter goes... | ||
| And you can tell they're starting to kind of get into pot. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They want to grow faster. | ||
| You want to let them... | ||
| Don't you think you were doing it when you were like 14? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 14, no. | ||
| I'm going to say... | ||
| 17 is... | ||
| I was a late bloomer. | ||
| See, I got into it a little bit with some friends when I was like 12 and 13. Yeah. | ||
| We got some pot. | ||
| 12? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| But I didn't get it. | ||
| Damn, that's my middle daughter. | ||
| Yeah, it happens, dude. | ||
| You leave them alone. | ||
| Leave those little fuckers alone. | ||
| They get a hold of some music. | ||
| That's what it is, man. | ||
| You know, with us, we would go over to this fucking dude's house, and we'd listen to Bad Company, and we'd get some pot. | ||
| See, I was still into sports at that time, so when I discovered it, I was into the metal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So we would go in the basement, and we'd turn on, and when I heard, and I don't know if that's another weird part of me, why was I attracted to that? | ||
| I heard that fast, furious, and that made me apeshit. | ||
| It's great for a young guy. | ||
| For a young guy, that's the music that sort of represents your hormones. | ||
| you know you know you're fucking 17 you're like yeah you know And also, you're suppressed all the time. | ||
| Everyone's like, calm down. | ||
| Settle down. | ||
| Not so loud. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Stop fucking each other. | ||
| Hold on! | ||
| And then some music comes out. | ||
| And it just, you know... | ||
| It releases all that madness. | ||
| Yeah, it comes out. | ||
| You can feel it. | ||
| You feel the music understands you. | ||
| I know, but I fear... | ||
| Here's my biggest fear as a dad. | ||
| Getting addicted to shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And getting pregnant. | ||
| Yeah, well those things are both the realities that everybody faces when you're young. | ||
| You know, and also biologically everybody faces it seems like with pills. | ||
| I know so many people that have gotten addicted to pills. | ||
| I mean, it's an epidemic. | ||
| I've known, if I had to sit down, out of all the people that I've been close enough to to call on a regular base and say, how you doing, what's going on, you know, have a conversation with them, maybe a dozen have been hooked on pills. | ||
| And I know three people that have died from it. | ||
| Well, there weren't, I don't remember pills when we were kids. | ||
| They didn't happen. | ||
| They didn't exist at all. | ||
| Well, there was some... | ||
| You would hear, like, some people would get in, like, Vicodins and shit like that, but those were always, like, crazy people. | ||
| Don't you think, kind of, though, because they're all prescription pills, most of them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| Yeah, no, absolutely. | ||
| Definitely, right? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| So if they're prescribed, doesn't it seem as like, oh, they figured out how to legalize really bad drugs? | ||
| Yeah, well, they definitely did. | ||
| They figured out a loophole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they'll trust us more because we'll wear these white lab coats. | |
| And we hand it to them and we write out the little card and just take three of these a week. | ||
| He'll never be able to stop. | ||
| That's another suppressed guy. | ||
| I bet that guy listens to some death metal from Finland. | ||
| And he gets in his fucking car after selling heroin all day with a lab coat on. | ||
| That's a dark way to make a living. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hope your back feels better! | |
| There was an article about this one family. | ||
| That's messed up. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| There was an article about this one family that has a, um... | ||
| Has, like, a giant stake in that market, and they've made billions and billions of dollars. | ||
| And it was breaking down, like, how much money they made, and how many people are hooked on it, how many prescriptions there are. | ||
| And it's like, they're drug dealers. | ||
| Legalized. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if you looked at this in the future, like, when they look back and they say, oh, remember those opium dens that the cowboys had? | ||
| Remember from Wyatt Earp? | ||
| Was it Wyatt Earp? | ||
| Wild Bill Hickok, one of them fucking movies, they went to the opium den, the Chinese people got them all fucked up on opium, and we were like, whoa, those are dark times. | ||
| This is way worse than that! | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And it's happened underneath our noses. | ||
| But don't you think, how do you stop that? | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| Because you can talk about it forever, and I think... | ||
| I think you've talked about it enough. | ||
| I even brought up to people, and it's sort of the old, again, you face it, what do you do now? | ||
| We can talk about it forever, but what do you actually do? | ||
| Do you just talk about it? | ||
| Let it seep into people? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You think he's telling the truth, or you think they know what they're saying? | |
| Let them decide for themselves? | ||
| Anything you're going to let your kid figure out for themselves, you're depriving them of information, right? | ||
| So I think what you've got to do is be really honest about it. | ||
| And with my oldest daughter, the young girls don't know that I smoked the weed, but we just had conversations about it. | ||
| I said, listen, there are some things that are dangerous, and there are some things that are just not dangerous at all. | ||
| And pot is the one that's not dangerous at all. | ||
| Like, my wife and I had a conversation with her about it, and, you know, it's a weird sort of a conversation, because you're talking to someone who's on the verge of being an adult. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So you're kind of bullshitting them still, but not really. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Whereas if they were an adult, you'd be like, look, pot's not hurting anybody. | ||
| I smoke pot before I go to bed. | ||
| I do, too. | ||
| And then everybody would laugh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you know what, for me, I like it right before I have a little nookie-nookie, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| And then, you know, you have these little conversations with people, with adults. | ||
| But when the kids are like, shh, shh, Shh! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're coming in! | |
| They're coming! | ||
| Don't tell them! | ||
| Don't tell them! | ||
| Right. | ||
| You want to keep somehow or another this innocuous thing from the kids. | ||
| But meanwhile, you'll sip a glass of wine in front of them. | ||
| I'll drink a glass of wine from my kids all the time. | ||
| I've let them try wine. | ||
| I've let them try a sip of wine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Try it. | |
| Oh, disgusting! | ||
| And then it becomes a funny thing they talk about. | ||
| Remember that time I tried the wine? | ||
| Oh my god, so gross! | ||
| But it's socially accepted. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| To let them taste how disgusting adults taste in beverages are. | ||
| But smoking pot in front of them or around them would be horrific. | ||
| It's so foolish. | ||
| Did you know? | ||
| Did you know anyone? | ||
| I remember I knew a kid and he was up the street and he smoked pot with his parents. | ||
| And they said, oh man, you gotta go in there and smoke pot with your parents. | ||
| My initial, I don't know, my instinct was like, oh, that's weird. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| I can't have, that's weird. | ||
| I guess it is. | ||
| But I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it's not really. | ||
| If having a drink with your dad's not weird, how come you can't, having a beer with your dad is not weird, right? | ||
| I'll give you for instance. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| My dad? | ||
| He never drank with me. | ||
| He never said... | ||
| But he was... | ||
| Everyone else would say, this guy is fucking... | ||
| Like, Brewers, you're dead. | ||
| This guy's nuts. | ||
| Like, my father's nuts? | ||
| I didn't see that side of him at all. | ||
| So... | ||
| Not until it was my 21st birthday. | ||
| I just knew him as his fucking dad. | ||
| World War II vet and shit like that. | ||
| Serious guy. | ||
| Very serious. | ||
| Never laughed in his life. | ||
| I think he laughed twice. | ||
| The filthier, the funnier. | ||
| And his laugh was just like, that was killing him. | ||
| You're fucking killing him. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| When I was 21... | ||
| He said, let's go have a beer. | ||
| You're a man now. | ||
| So we went to this place, Swamp Water Owls. | ||
| I was in Florida. | ||
| And went out and had a couple beers. | ||
| He's saying some... | ||
| He doesn't talk. | ||
| He'll say stupid jokes. | ||
| And I don't really understand. | ||
| So I'm bored. | ||
| I go outside, catch a buzz. | ||
| This will help the fucking night. | ||
| I come back in. | ||
| Catch a buzz, mean, smoke a little weed. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I come back in, and there's a crowd around him. | ||
| And I swear to God, because he was older, I thought he was down. | ||
| Everyone was looking at the old man on the floor. | ||
| I go there, and he's fucking holding court with the whole bar. | ||
| And he's killing. | ||
| He's destroying. | ||
| And... | ||
| So then I turned around like, who is this fucking guy? | ||
| I want to hire him. | ||
| He's fucking hilarious. | ||
| And I just couldn't understand. | ||
| I never saw this man. | ||
| So I had a beer. | ||
| He had a beer. | ||
| We caught buzzes. | ||
| And I never saw my father as funny. | ||
| And I said, why didn't you show me this side early? | ||
| I would hear this from all my friends. | ||
| He goes, you weren't fucking ready. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER That's hilarious! | |
| But I kind of feel that way with certain kids. | ||
| Do you know what I mean? | ||
| Where I can see this fucker... | ||
| Like, for instance, I can say, I think this kid... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| If they go in that direction, I think they'll be okay. | ||
| This one... | ||
| It's not so much doing it, it's... | ||
| This one ain't gonna stop. | ||
| Yeah, they do have different personalities like that, right? | ||
| Yeah, and you've seen, like, it's almost like, I'm gonna let you out of the fence. | ||
| Don't, listen, don't go past that fucking tree. | ||
| They're in the woods. | ||
| Fucker went in the woods. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did I not say don't go in the fucking, he's in the woods. | |
| And then they come back like, oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| It's, Yeah. | ||
| I fear this one's gonna go whoosh. | ||
| Some kids' freedom is super intoxicating. | ||
| You gotta wonder what it is. | ||
| Is it anything that we set up in those kids when they were young? | ||
| Did we suppress them too much and so they just had this intense desire to be free? | ||
| Because I think there's something to that. | ||
| This desire to protect someone It kind of backfires when you're raising kids in some ways. | ||
| Because if you try to protect them too much, then they resent you. | ||
| And then they push back the other way. | ||
| That's why, like, girls who have, like, really strict parents when it comes to sex were always, like, the biggest freaks. | ||
| Like, we all knew that. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Catholic school girls were the biggest freaks of all time. | ||
| It wasn't even close. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, it was that, or, like, a broken home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No one's around. | ||
| I hate daddy. | ||
| Well, it's only any negative pressure, right? | ||
| Any negative comes out in one way or another. | ||
| It might come out like you, in humor, or it might come out in anger, it might come out in addiction. | ||
| But any negative pressure that you experience as a child, whether it's bullying, going to a new neighborhood, parents break up, no attention, alcoholism in the family, whatever the fuck it is, it just finds its way to the sun. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You're right. | ||
| That's where all our music comes from. | ||
| I mean, that's where all the best stuff comes from. | ||
| It comes from some kind of pain. | ||
| Some kind of, like, need to never feel that pain again. | ||
| Need to celebrate the happiness of life because you felt that pain and you understand it. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Isn't that what... | ||
| No, it definitely is. | ||
| How high am I? No, no, no. | ||
| But you try to... | ||
| When did it start with you? | ||
| Like, when's the first time where you saw something? | ||
| You went, oh my... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| With kids? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| From the jump, dude. | ||
| Just from the jump. | ||
| Just from the time they're little tiny babies. | ||
| You start looking at them and you go, these are little calculating beings. | ||
| This isn't simply a baby. | ||
| Like, we have these narrow classifications for human beings. | ||
| Like, oh, he's an old man. | ||
| He wouldn't try to fuck her. | ||
| Or, he's a young kid. | ||
| He doesn't understand. | ||
| No, they fucking understand. | ||
| They understand. | ||
| They just don't have all the words yet. | ||
| They understand a lot more than you think they do. | ||
| And they're just constantly calculating. | ||
| They're constantly taking in data. | ||
| And we're still doing it, man. | ||
| I mean, you and I are better at talking now in our 40s than we were in our 20s. | ||
| You just brought back... | ||
| I feel like I just went to therapy. | ||
| This is amazing. | ||
| I just found where my anger came. | ||
| While you were talking, I was getting visuals and flashbacks of where it really started. | ||
| My sister, I remember my sister got horrible divorce. | ||
| Horrible divorce. | ||
| She was getting hit. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So I just remember my mom getting those phone calls and blah blah blah. | ||
| And... | ||
| Dude, it's so... | ||
| It's not funny, but... | ||
| So, I remember going there. | ||
| We'd go in the middle of the night, get there, and, you know, she'd be bruised. | ||
| You could tell she was hit, which is already... | ||
| You're fucking traumatized. | ||
| You're seven, eight years old. | ||
| And you just... | ||
| You witness the violence. | ||
| And then, um... | ||
| I remember the fucker came at the house, didn't know we were there. | ||
| And my dad was like, hey man, why don't you be a man? | ||
| Why don't you be a man? | ||
| And he said, if you were an old man, I'd fucking make you eat them words. | ||
| I remember my father going, he's trying to get out. | ||
| My mom's like, gotcha, you know, don't fucking, please, please. | ||
| But I remember that anger. | ||
| And then that's how I discovered fucking Metallica. | ||
| Whoa, from that exchange? | ||
| That aggression, I needed something to... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, right. | |
| I would go in my basement and tear shit. | ||
| And so how old are you at the time? | ||
| I'd tell them off. | ||
| I'd pretend I was 14. Like, dude, I've been taking fucks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm gonna fucking kill you now, motherfucker! | |
| You're my sister! | ||
| You're my fucking sister! | ||
| You know what I used to have a lot of? | ||
| Internal arguments, like I shoulda saids. | ||
| I would have these I shoulda saids that would go on for hours. | ||
| I'd be in my fucking car in traffic. | ||
| Yeah, if you fucking thought about it this way. | ||
| You know, like you'd come up with some better thing that you could have said or some slicker thing that you could have said. | ||
| Well, I still do that. | ||
| Don't you still do that? | ||
| I gave up on it. | ||
| I force it out. | ||
| I weed it like it's a weed in the garden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I'll do it for a good half hour in the bathroom. | ||
| On the road? | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| I try not to, man. | ||
| I try not to. | ||
| I try to, as much as I can, focus my thoughts on things that are actually beneficial to me. | ||
| So if it's something like that where I know what it is. | ||
| I know what it is. | ||
| I ran into some fucking idiot. | ||
| I know what it is. | ||
| I'm not going to dwell on it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Just I'm going to move by. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Instead of making that a part of my life. | ||
| I don't want anybody's goofy behavior to be a part of my life. | ||
| It's so exhausting. | ||
| It's exhausting. | ||
| It's so exhausting. | ||
| It's not necessary. | ||
| You can figure out a way. | ||
| It's an exercise. | ||
| It's not easy to do. | ||
| But when you get frustrated by someone, you've got to learn how to just concentrate on the things that you want to concentrate on. | ||
| Just don't let the other things in. | ||
| And then after a while, you get stronger at it. | ||
| It's like a weight. | ||
| Or it's like a muscle, rather. | ||
| You lift weights with it, it gets stronger. | ||
| So, like, putting your intention on things that you actually enjoy, instead of festering on some fucking stupid argument you might have had with your girlfriend two months ago, or with your boss last week, or... | ||
| Or the jackass retard on Twitter. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Or someone on Twitter, yeah. | ||
| Or someone you ran into at the gas station and said something fucking stupid to you for no reason, and you said, I should have fucking smacked that guy. | ||
| You know, you just get that... | ||
| In your head, you hunt him down at night. | ||
| You closing up? | ||
| Just you? | ||
| Just you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't let those things grow. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| When you feed them, they grow. | ||
| They do grow. | ||
| And then it gets easier for them to grow. | ||
| It's almost like they've set the fucking seeds, a matrix of seeds in your head, where any other retarded thought would just fucking sprout wings and fly away real quick. | ||
| You can't let them. | ||
| It happens the most, too, when you're growing. | ||
| Like, as a person. | ||
| Every time I think I'm growing, I'm like, wow. | ||
| I'm expanding in life. | ||
| It's like, bring him down. | ||
| Show him his weakness. | ||
| Say he can't handle Twitter. | ||
| That's what happens to me. | ||
| I'll get a fucking tweet from... | ||
| I don't know who this person is. | ||
| I don't care who this person is. | ||
| I can hear... | ||
| It took me a little while to get over that. | ||
| You know what, man? | ||
| I don't blame them. | ||
| I used to blame them, and I still make fun of them, but I think it's a tool, Twitter is, that is too weird. | ||
| It's never existed before. | ||
| There's never been this ability... | ||
| With an anonymous name to just be shitty to someone or just communicate with someone or even have any kind of contact with someone, positive or negative. | ||
| Because I think there's a lot of people out there that are addicted to the positive, too. | ||
| I mean, like girls on Instagram that are taking yoga booty pictures. | ||
| And by the way, don't stop. | ||
| I'm not saying stop. | ||
| I'm not saying stop. | ||
| All I'm saying is... | ||
| Just balance it out. | ||
| Those pictures are wonderful. | ||
| Keep them coming, girls. | ||
| I'm not saying don't take pictures of your well-sculpted butt. | ||
| You should enjoy the praise that you get from your labor in the gym. | ||
| Not saying that. | ||
| But I think definitely people, they get that becomes addictive to them. | ||
| They start gravitating towards it. | ||
| Of course they do. | ||
| It's like the war of the... | ||
| It's a war of the minds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep their minds occupied 24-7. | |
| Is this a conspiracy? | ||
| It's a conspiracy? | ||
| Is that what a conspiracy is? | ||
| Could you imagine if they created Twitter because they knew? | ||
| They were like, look, we have to figure out a way to control people in the age of information. | ||
| Well, here's the thing. | ||
| Let them just communicate with each other freely. | ||
| They'll start so much conflict, they'll never be able to deal with us taking over the world. | ||
| And every time they get along, we'll stir the pot just a little bit. | ||
| Yeah, let's keep race relations in check. | ||
| Everything's always going to be chaos. | ||
| Show them someone getting beaten by an officer immediately. | ||
| Do you have that tape from 1980? | ||
| Yes, boost it up and make it look like today. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Send the thunder. | |
| Introduce some new phrases that get them upset that mean nothing. | ||
| laughing - I think I'd like to see a debate. | ||
| Well, surely my crowd is angrier than yours. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Let's have a battle off. | ||
| Let's limit the words they're allowed to say freely. | ||
| We need more restricted words. | ||
| How about retard? | ||
| That's an easy one to stop. | ||
| Let's get rid of retard. | ||
| I always was repulsed by retard. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| I've always found tranny to be quite offensive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's make tranny on the list as well. | |
| They're not going to go for it! | ||
| We're pushing too hard! | ||
| They're going to push back! | ||
| Oh, they'll forget Meatly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, really? | |
| I say... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's just have a little quick race walk. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Why don't we pass a bill on transgenders and put it in the limelight? | ||
| Because we all know everybody talks about that every day. | ||
| You know what we can never resolve? | ||
| Gay marriage. | ||
| We need it. | ||
| It's our peace. | ||
| We must move it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't lose the queen. | |
| You lose the queen, you lose the game. | ||
| That's our... | ||
| Gay marriage is our queen on a chess table of a social construct. | ||
| When I was a little kid, they were arguing about gay marriage. | ||
| When I moved from San Francisco to Florida, I was probably like, I think I was 11 years old. | ||
| And I remember that was a big thing that people were upset. | ||
| They were trying to make gay marriage. | ||
| And so that was like 1970-something. | ||
| They're still arguing about it. | ||
| It's the same cycles. | ||
| And nobody, nobody... | ||
| Nobody sees it. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Don't you get every four years the same thing? | ||
| Here's the debates. | ||
| Gay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Gay marriage. | ||
| Abortion. | ||
| Abortion's a big one. | ||
| Abortion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How do you feel on abortion, Mr. Trump? | |
| How do you feel about killing babies? | ||
| How do you feel about that? | ||
| Are we cool with it? | ||
| As long as I don't see the baby, I don't get to see it. | ||
| Oh, no, no, no, you don't see shit. | ||
| We put a vacuum cleaner up there. | ||
| There's nothing between you and the tissue at all. | ||
| You don't see anything. | ||
| Okay, cool. | ||
| As long as I don't see it. | ||
| Well, how big do they get? | ||
| How big do they get before they suck them out of there? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They can get pretty big. | ||
| Nobody wants to have this conversation. | ||
| You into that? | ||
| Coming inside people feels so good that nobody wants to have this conversation. | ||
| Everyone's like, just keep it around. | ||
| Just keep it around. | ||
| Stop describing it in an uncomfortable way. | ||
| I'm describing it in as fucking mellow and factual way as possible. | ||
| And it's uncomfortable as fuck. | ||
| Like, what abortion actually is, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't be able to do it, I'm 100% pro-choice, I'm 100% a woman has a right to do whatever she wants with her body, and I definitely don't think a man should be able to tell you what to do with your body. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But, at the end of the day, that's a little baby, and you're using a vacuum to suck it out of your body. | ||
| Like, it's odd. | ||
| But it's not odd. | ||
| It's not like a judgment because I agree with it. | ||
| I think you should be able to do it. | ||
| But isn't there an up to a point? | ||
| Because it's like three cells. | ||
| Like it's enough cells to fit on the very tip of a pin. | ||
| And it just gets sucked out of the vacuum. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I don't really see the issue. | ||
| You know? | ||
| If you're like a tribal guy in the woods, there are guys get the girl pregnant. | ||
| They realize we're not going to be able to fucking afford this one. | ||
| And... | ||
| You're Charlie's wife or Bukbu's wife. | ||
| You can't tell me they're not eating berries or fucking running hard into a tree. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| They have an abortion stomp that they saw at a perfect angle and this is where you run if you have the cum in your body and you don't want your baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You run towards the abortion stump. | |
| And you just fucking take one right in the gut. | ||
| It's like a perfectly shaped tree. | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| Somebody must have figured it out somewhere along the line. | ||
| There's got to be a way to stop this fucking kid. | ||
| But the point is, dude, you're a sex edge. | ||
| If I had that as sex education in fifth grade, I would have thought everything a lot differently. | ||
| If I had you come in and describe it all, listen, I know you guys are getting into it, and, you know, these are the risks, and you said everything you just said, like, wow. | ||
| I would have changed my whole perspective on moving forward. | ||
| Well, you know... | ||
| You put the egg. | ||
| The egg shoots into the thing. | ||
| That's what they teach you in school. | ||
| Yeah, they teach you nonsense. | ||
| Coming in people feels awesome. | ||
| And there's a reason for that. | ||
| Nature's trying to get you to make more people. | ||
| Because nature's still the same setup that was around when we died real young. | ||
| When there wasn't that many of us. | ||
| You could wipe out some... | ||
| You know, we were shitting in the street. | ||
| People were getting plague. | ||
| You know, they'd have rats that would carry these diseases and fleas and ticks. | ||
| We're not that far. | ||
| We're only like a gene off from tossing our own feces. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| A gene off. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So why do you have we have to come a lot gonna make a lot of people just to keep this fucking party rolling? | ||
| And I think that's one of the things that's going on today when you're seeing people become more like a lot of men are gravitating towards being more effeminate and then you hear these phrases like toxic masculinity like phrases that we never heard we were young that almost like denigrates The concept of masculinity in some sort of a weird abstract way, but I think it's because we realize, hey, we don't need to fuck as much anymore. | ||
| We don't need to go to war as much anymore. | ||
| We're progressing into some sort of a digital universe that we're moving into, and it's not going to require so much chimp meat. | ||
| You know, so much chaos and blood. | ||
| So I think as a culture, people are sort of moving away. | ||
| That's why when something like the UFC comes around, or heavy metal, or something just openly aggressive, guys like you or I will go, YES! Let me be me! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let me be me! | |
| How about the... | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Stop trying to drag me to the future. | |
| That should be politics. | ||
| That should be... | ||
| I would see that as politics one day. | ||
| Someday it will be. | ||
| You want to be the governor? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get in the ring. | |
| There was a fucking photo that I took off of Twitter today, I think. | ||
| Somebody put it up. | ||
| I'll find out who put it up. | ||
| But it was just a little sign that was outside some place in Texas that said, instead of having a president, why don't we just all agree really hard to be cool? | ||
| And I saw that and I was like, well that's so fucking simple, but isn't that going to be what it is one day? | ||
| Like isn't it kind of moving into that sort of a direction? | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Isn't that what it's going to be one day? | ||
| I hope so. | ||
| Just everybody be cool. | ||
| Just relax. | ||
| I think that's what's... | ||
| We're moving away from all of the fucking weird base physical needs that we constantly have to feed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| We're moving away from those. | ||
| But don't you think whoever is aware of that, anticipates that, and they're already counteractoring? | ||
| You mean, like, the powers that be? | ||
|
unidentified
|
The powers that be? | |
| The evil cabal of geniuses sitting in an old room with books, leather-bound books in the wall. | ||
| If you have a leather-bound book, you're an asshole. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| If you're one of those guys with a bunch of books behind you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
First edition, in leather. | |
| Gold-flating. | ||
| I don't think they can manipulate it nearly as much as we think they can. | ||
| I think they definitely manipulate the things they can, and I think this world has gotten so out of hand that it's on its own. | ||
| It's working on some kind of crazy, instinctual momentum towards progress. | ||
| I think those old dudes... | ||
| For sure killed Kennedy. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I've seen the arguments for, I've seen the arguments against. | ||
| Somebody killed Kennedy, and it wasn't just Lee Harvey Oswald. | ||
| Everybody's got this either-or thing, you know? | ||
| Like, Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I think he definitely was in on it, though. | ||
| I think there's a gang of people in on it. | ||
| I think he was one of the people that was in on it. | ||
| It's highly likely. | ||
| That Lee Harvey Oswald was out of his fucking mind. | ||
| Crazy asshole, working for the government, doing some weird shit in Russia, comes back over here and marries a Russian lady. | ||
| There's all sorts of wackiness to it. | ||
| I'm just rambling. | ||
| But what is all that? | ||
| That was back in the 60s. | ||
| That's what all that is. | ||
| No, but what is all that meant? | ||
| Manipulation. | ||
| It's all manipulation. | ||
| They were trying to figure out how to retain control. | ||
| Kennedy wanted to break up the Federal Reserve. | ||
| Well, a bunch of people. | ||
| First of all, he wanted to get rid of the CIA. He wanted to get rid of the NSA. He wanted to get rid of a bunch of agencies, either the CIA or the NSA. One of those he wanted to dissolve. | ||
| He wanted to get rid of the Internal Revenue Service. | ||
| He wanted to get rid of the Federal Bank. | ||
| Like, Kennedy had some radical ideas. | ||
| He wanted to change a lot of things about the way the world was. | ||
| And he also wanted pussy. | ||
| And mass. | ||
| Did you ever read... | ||
| No one ever heard... | ||
| Did you ever hear the whole speech? | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The famous one he did? | ||
| It's always the end, ass not, you know, that thing. | ||
| But did you ever hear the whole speech? | ||
| No. | ||
| I'm sure I did, but I don't remember it. | ||
| It's everything what you're saying. | ||
| He was a bad motherfucker, dude. | ||
| He was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| He was saying, like, you know, hey, listen, there's enough means we can all... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| ...get along. | ||
| Oh, Jesus, we have a fucking hippie... | ||
| Did you ever hear the stuff that he said about secret societies? | ||
| No. | ||
| Dude, play this, because this is bananas. | ||
| I get exhausted from that stuff. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't. | |
| I'm not saying I... You can't. | ||
| No, look, I have... | ||
| Believer, don't be. | ||
| My friend Eddie Bravo, who I love to death, he loves every single one of them. | ||
| Every conspiracy that comes along, he dives into it. | ||
| Fucking hook, line, sinker. | ||
| He loves them. | ||
| I love them, too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're fun. | |
| They're fun, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They are fun. | |
| They're fun. | ||
| Because at the end of the day, I just got my little house and my little lawn, and... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, Vince Foster, look it up. | |
| Ooh! | ||
| Did you ever hear about that guy who was running drugs through Mena, Arkansas? | ||
| Yeah, he was in that movie. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| They were dropping coke out of planes. | ||
| His name was Barry Seals. | ||
| He was working for the CIA, dropping coke out of planes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And these kids found it. | |
| They killed the kids. | ||
| Was that the game show guy? | ||
| Who was the game show guy? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Don Barris, yeah. | ||
| No, Don Barris is our friend. | ||
| What was his name? | ||
| Didn't they make a movie about that guy? | ||
| Yeah, Chuck Barris. | ||
| Chuck Barris. | ||
| Yeah, it was kind of like a fake movie. | ||
| Pretending that he was a hitman or something. | ||
| I fell asleep watching it once. | ||
| It was one of those movies. | ||
| So, you know, I would get exhausted with this talk. | ||
| It used to be really, really... | ||
| Paranoid? | ||
| Hey, listen, listen, listen. | ||
| It's not paranoid, just you go, what do you do about all that? | ||
| It's a shorter version of a longer speech book. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay, good. | |
| Good, perfect. | ||
| The shorter version, what I want to hear. | ||
| I know, it's exhausting, dude. | ||
| This will get off the shit out of you. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, the very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society. | ||
| And we are, as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, And to secret proceedings. | ||
| We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweigh the dangers which are cited to justify it. | ||
| Even today, there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. | ||
| Even today, there is little value in ensuring the survival of our nation if our traditions do not survive with it. | ||
| And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment. | ||
| That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it's in my control. | ||
| And no official of my administration, whether his rank is high or low, civilian or military, should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes, or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know. | ||
| For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy That relies primarily on covet means for expanding its sphere of influence, on infiltration instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day. | ||
| It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, Highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific, and political... | ||
| He was a bad motherfucker. | ||
| We could just listen to that whole speech and just bail on this podcast. | ||
| But what does everyone give the trophy to? | ||
| What does it say on every poster? | ||
| What is he most famous for? | ||
| All they took was that last end of the speech. | ||
| You said, ask not. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Which a country could do for you. | ||
| That all should have been on now. | ||
| So that is all part of the same speech? | ||
| Is that the same speech? | ||
| I am partly retarded. | ||
| I'm not going to act like I'm a historian here. | ||
| It is the same guy who said that. | ||
| And you never hear that speech. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| It shows you the other part. | ||
| We never heard that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the sickest speech I've ever heard by any president. | ||
| Ever! | ||
| Then again, I don't listen to any of them. | ||
| Two minutes in, I'm out. | ||
| Well, it's hard to listen to them because you know it's horse shit. | ||
| Horse shit. | ||
| And they all talk like presidents. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Like, they don't just talk to you. | ||
| They all talk to you in this, like, there's a pattern they're locked into that you can't read. | ||
| When someone talks to you as if you were a person in the audience. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| There's a pattern in the way he's talking. | ||
| They don't reveal much about their actual emotions. | ||
| They put on a mask. | ||
| When you do a speech like a politician, you're putting on a verbal mask. | ||
| And you're not allowing people to see much of you. | ||
| That's why when we see a little bit. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like when Hillary Clinton shrieks. | ||
| And people are like, why is everybody concentrating on that? | ||
| Because you're getting to see a little bit of her. | ||
| You see a little bit of her through the mask. | ||
| She's got this two-inch thick political mask that she's put... | ||
| It's coats of paint that have now hit two inches thick from all the years of doing this. | ||
| So when you hear a shriek... | ||
| It's no different than if you watch a third grader in a play. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When those kids come out, it's the same monotone. | ||
| Yeah, they don't know their lines. | ||
| They don't care about their lines. | ||
| When I watch the politicians talk, it's no different. | ||
| It's more fucking painful to watch that than my third graders horrifying play every single year they do. | ||
| Well, that's one of the things that bummed me out the most about Obama. | ||
| When I first saw him, when he was first in office, when he was first running for president, I was like, this guy's gonna be like a new Kennedy. | ||
| Like, this guy's gonna be like this guy who changes everything with the way he talks and the policies that he creates. | ||
| He's a young, articulate... | ||
| I mean, he's essentially close to our age. | ||
| He's like three years older than us. | ||
| He grew up in our age. | ||
| He grew up in our era. | ||
| But don't you think... | ||
| He's put in that situation... | ||
| Somewhere along the line, they're like, listen, you had a nice... | ||
| You have a nice little run here, but there's some other rules you need to abide by. | ||
| You understand? | ||
| I like how you say that with a southern accent. | ||
| I don't know why I pitched southern. | ||
| It sounded scarier. | ||
| It's a bit meaner. | ||
| It scares me more. | ||
| If a northerner gives me a threat, for some reason, southerner scares me more, because I really... | ||
| There's more menace than that. | ||
| You know who it was? | ||
| The Burt Reynolds movie. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| The fuck was that movie? | ||
| When they were in the swamp? | ||
| It was the first movie? | ||
| Deliverance. | ||
| Deliverance. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| Squeal like a pig. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Scary. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Traumatized. | ||
| That was when people grew up in the East Coast, in the Northeast. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You heard those movies? | ||
| You saw those movies around there? | ||
| That was like our introduction to scary Southern people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| So what did you want Obama to come out and do? | ||
| I thought I was looking at the future. | ||
| I thought I was looking at someone who was going to change everything. | ||
| I thought, here's this guy who's everything we always wanted. | ||
| Bush was this guy who was almost anti-intellectual in a way. | ||
| It seemed like he would take these real shortcuts to the way he thought and the way he expressed himself. | ||
| Real obvious shortcuts. | ||
| He didn't express himself in a way where he was trying to get really intelligent people to say, okay, this guy is well thought out. | ||
| What he was doing was he was expressing himself in a way where he was trying to get really dumb people to think he's one of them. | ||
| And there's two different kinds of people. | ||
| There's someone like Obama when he was running for office. | ||
| Well, here's a good example. | ||
| Ron Paul is a great example. | ||
| Ron Paul is obviously very intelligent, and he speaks to both the intelligent people and to the people that might not understand all the concepts that he's discussing when it comes to big government or intervention in foreign policy, intervening in foreign countries. | ||
| When he does it, it's like very clear and concise and particularly well-chosen words So, Obama was that guy. | ||
| To me, Obama was the opposite of the guy who was appealing towards dumb people. | ||
| Obama was appealing towards youth and hope. | ||
| Hope and change was the big part of the... | ||
| All these years later, what's really changed that much? | ||
| Joe, think about this, though. | ||
| You get to that part. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I'm with you a thousand percent. | ||
| But... | ||
| but the realistic like a realistic view don't you think where you look at every great hero and there's that fear of death like oh i like some of these uh concepts you're talking about kids are nice kids look real nice over there so uh you want a little change it's awesome um Let me show you a little video of Mr. Kennedy's. | ||
| The last guy who had that big dumb fucking speech. | ||
| Remember John Lennon? | ||
| Wasn't he cute? | ||
| Huh? | ||
| Do you think they killed John Lennon? | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| Oh, they send out a wacko. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, a fucking wacko son of a bitch. | |
| But isn't it more likely that people are obsessed with John Lennon because he's an amazing artist? | ||
| Yes, could be. | ||
| Like that little girl that got shot in Florida last week. | ||
| Horrifying. | ||
| Horrifying. | ||
| But do you think that she was a part of the Illuminati? | ||
| Was there like some sort of a plan to stop her and her message of freedom? | ||
| Or was it just a crazy fuck that was in love with her? | ||
| Just a young girl who was a singer. | ||
| I went for crazy fuck. | ||
| Yeah, most likely. | ||
| It could be crazy fuck. | ||
| I know that. | ||
| A lot of crazy fucks. | ||
| I'm just saying. | ||
| I think everyone wanted that, from any politician. | ||
| But the minute that politician, you can't deny that the first guy that actually has free reign, and he faked everyone out, and he got to that point... | ||
| It's got to be nearly impossible to go, listen, if they shut off the phone, if they shut all communication down right now, it's because they don't like what I'm saying. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| Until you have that brutal honesty, you're never going to have that hero. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Could you imagine if Obama did that? | |
| No, if he did it, the whole world would have changed. | ||
| What if he gets out of office and tells everybody exactly what the fuck happened? | ||
| Why didn't he say that when he was president? | ||
| Because it would kill his kids. | ||
| Oh no, one's very sick. | ||
| This is terrible. | ||
| The government. | ||
| They're watching. | ||
| They're listening to everything we say. | ||
| The NSA. They recorded it. | ||
| Isn't that really funny? | ||
| They're bored watching me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| They're really bored watching me. | ||
| Here he goes again. | ||
| Another fucking speech to a 17-year-old. | ||
| This is another thing. | ||
| People think that there's this gigantic conspiracy to watch over everybody. | ||
| And I'm going to bring up the guy who broke into the White House. | ||
| You know the story about the guy who broke in the White House? | ||
| No. | ||
| The guy who broke in the White House got arrested a couple months before. | ||
| You know, only two people have ever broken into the White House. | ||
| I do remember this. | ||
| One was from like 1912. A guy broke in. | ||
| They tackled him quick. | ||
| This one was from a year and a half ago. | ||
| And the guy who broke in, he got arrested, I think it was in September, but he got pulled over in July with four rifles, two handguns, and a fucking machete in his car, plus a map of Washington with an X where the fucking White House is. | ||
| So he gets pulled over with that two months before he winds up breaking into the White House. | ||
| This is how poorly they're watching us. | ||
| This idea that there's a bunch of evil geniuses that are watching 300 million people's every move. | ||
| It's ridiculous. | ||
| They can't watch anything. | ||
| There's not enough people. | ||
| And the people that are watching, they don't give a fuck. | ||
| They want to go home. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You're right. | ||
| The guy broke into the White House, and one of the things that he was doing, he ran across the lawn, and the guy who was supposed to be watching the dogs took his earpiece out, because he was talking to his girlfriend on the cell phone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| He had a second radio, they keep a backup radio, he forgot that in his locker. | ||
| This is the kind of people that are guarding the world. | ||
| So this idea that there's these super geniuses that are in control of every move and they hired a hitman and hypnotized him Manchurian candidate style. | ||
| Where were you? | ||
| I was talking to my girlfriend. | ||
| Do you know how hard it would be to talk someone into killing someone for you and then getting shot and kill themselves or getting locked up in jail for the rest of their life? | ||
| Do you know how fucking hard that would be? | ||
| Really hard. | ||
| It would be almost impossible to count on that guy to pulling it off, too. | ||
| Because you would have to get someone who's probably never killed somebody before. | ||
| That's going to be their first killing? | ||
| You're going to go kill John Lennon and then get locked up in jail for the rest of your life? | ||
| You're convinced this guy's going to do this? | ||
| Like, how are you going to get this guy to do this? | ||
| Most of them are going to fuck it up. | ||
| Like, where are all the fuck-ups? | ||
| You know, how come a bunch of people haven't fucked up and missed and not pulled it off? | ||
| No, they're always successful. | ||
| Because they're just fucking crazy people. | ||
| They're just fucking crazy people. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| For all those ones that we think there's some grand conspiracy, it's much more likely that people are retarded. | ||
| Way more. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| But there's a few fucking real ones like that Kennedy speech where he must have known. | ||
| He was in deep. | ||
| He must have known. | ||
| He knew about sculling bones and all those crazy little fraternities that those guys belong to where they'd fuck each other and take Polaroids and blackmail each other for the rest of their lives. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If we don't go to war with Libya, certain cache of photos will be released to the press. | |
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| It's really that simple. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Probably compromise them when they're young in some sort of a weird way and get them to do gay stuff. | ||
| Probably, right? | ||
| I have no clue. | ||
| If you were running one of those Yale clubs, that's the best way to shut them all up. | ||
| Well, of course. | ||
| Yeah, get some gay porn on them. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Of course, and then start your own religion. | ||
| 16mm in some dark dungeon in Connecticut. | ||
| This is you, right, Charlie? | ||
| Yeah, they got the fraternity logo on. | ||
| What's the Skull and Bones logo look like? | ||
| Something fucking cool. | ||
| Something death metal. | ||
| Maybe even all the Scotland Bone shit came out of the same pressure, you know? | ||
| Could have been. | ||
| All those rich, rich guys with their rich fucking dads who aren't paying attention to them, and they're going to boarding schools. | ||
| Oh, look at it. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| You can't, whatever you do, don't make a t-shirt with that on it, with your name on it. | ||
| People would be so upset. | ||
| So what is, I don't even know what this is. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Scull and bones. | ||
| I'd butcher it. | ||
| We'll be here too long. | ||
| Yeah, I'd butcher it too. | ||
| It's a fraternity, a group that a lot of former presidents belong to, like John Kerry belonged to it. | ||
| George Bush. | ||
| It's just a Yale fraternity, like a club, a secret club of many, many people who wind up being leaders in the free world. | ||
| Well, yeah, pull it up so I stop butchering it. | ||
| But it's one of those things that people point to when they look at evidence. | ||
| The 15, what does it say? | ||
| The 15 most powerful what? | ||
| Members of Skull and Bones. | ||
| The most famous secret society in America, Skull and Bones, was co-founded at Yale in 1832 by the father of a future president and has come to signify everything that attracts and repulses the public about, in quotes, the elite. | ||
| Rumor has it that Yale junior class members are tapped for membership each fall by some measure of leadership, influence, and breeding. | ||
| Among the business titans, poets, politicians, and three U.S. presidents that are rumored to be members, we've picked out our honorable poets. | ||
| What fucking poets in the- what? | ||
| They're talking out of their ass. | ||
| That's one of those things that sounds good. | ||
| Wow, look at this. | ||
| Look at all the members. | ||
| William Howard Taft, class of 1878, former president. | ||
| Amos Alonzo Stagg, class of 1888, Yale's greatest football player. | ||
| What did he do? | ||
| Bunch of sports stuff. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Sports stuff, back and forth. | ||
| Black people figured out sports. | ||
| I don't count those. | ||
| I really don't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't let them play. | |
| Don't let them play yet! | ||
| Were you playing when LeBron James was alive? | ||
| No. | ||
| You're barely playing basketball, okay? | ||
| William Averill Harriman. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| Future governor of New York. | ||
| A presidential candidate. | ||
| I'll say a bunch of people that we've never fucking heard about. | ||
| But people that were governors. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Prescott Bush. | ||
| Listen to that. | ||
| Pull that up. | ||
| If you thought W was a wild man in his college years, you should have met his granddaddy. | ||
| Prescott, the future senator from Connecticut, was apparently a real cut-up who, along with some other bonesmen, is believed to have dug up and absconded with the skull of the legendary Native American warrior Geronimo during World War I. Whoa, he stole Geronimo's skull? | ||
| That's pretty gangster. | ||
| By the way, New Haven is a shithole. | ||
| No offense to anybody in New Haven. | ||
| Is it better? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, it's not. | |
| No. | ||
| Is it bounced back? | ||
| Is it gentrified yet? | ||
| There used to be a comedy club there. | ||
| Remember that place? | ||
| Joker's Wild? | ||
| I don't remember it. | ||
| Was it in a hotel? | ||
| No, no, it was just a comedy club there. | ||
| I don't remember it. | ||
| Yeah, a wild dude owned it. | ||
| Crazy guy. | ||
| Saw him beat a guy up with his shoe. | ||
| He beat a guy up in a shoe? | ||
| Yeah, some guy was talking shit. | ||
| I forget what happened. | ||
| I forget what caused the fight because I was on stage and he pulled his shoe off and hit the fucking guy in the head with the wooden part of his shoe, his heel of his shoe. | ||
| Yeah, so I don't know what the guy did to him. | ||
| The guy must have hit him or something, but he was a wild man. | ||
| But that whole area was like super sketchy. | ||
| Like driving around to the club. | ||
| It's a little dark and creepy. | ||
| Mmm. | ||
| It was borderline, like, uh... | ||
| Sketchy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's weird that Scull and Bones is there. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Are you scared? | ||
| No, I'm not scared. | ||
| You're scared the shit out of me, man. | ||
| What? | ||
| Prescott Bush character? | ||
|
unidentified
|
That? | |
| He scares you? | ||
| Scares. | ||
| It's Darth Vader! | ||
| Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun! | ||
| You know what's interesting? | ||
| They talked us into believing that George Bush was from Texas. | ||
| Where is he from? | ||
| Connecticut. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| Maine and Connecticut. | ||
| His dad was from Maine, right? | ||
| Didn't they grow up in Maine? | ||
| Pretty sure. | ||
| Right? | ||
| They're both on this list. | ||
| I was just trying to see if it said that. | ||
| Yeah, no, there's a gang of people on that list that wound up being president. | ||
| Just stop and think about how crazy that is. | ||
| Bunch of people who wound up being president. | ||
| You get to vote. | ||
| You get to vote. | ||
| Do you think that maybe they hired Donald Trump to just act like a total complete shithead because they knew there were so many Republicans that are shitheads, they could just get him to the podium and then he would crumble under the weight of Hillary Clinton. | ||
| It's the greatest professional wrestling act ever. | ||
| It really is. | ||
| I'm gonna build walls. | ||
| How many shirts have we sold? | ||
| 14, 15 billion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The extra, extra, extra larges are flying off the shelves. | |
| The wall just got 10 foot bigger. | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
| That's what I told him. | ||
| His delivery's very pro-wrestling. | ||
| His delivery's super pro-wrestling. | ||
| He's professional, fuck it. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| Let's watch that wall speech. | ||
| Let's watch the part where he says the wall just got ten feet bigger. | ||
| Because it is a guy in a movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't we want to make America great again? | |
| You are a saint. | ||
| The president of Mexico said they will not under any circumstances. | ||
| He's more over the top than you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What is your comment? | |
| I said, the wall just got ten feet higher. | ||
| Look at that guy behind him. | ||
| Pause for a second. | ||
| Pause for a second. | ||
| That guy behind him, that silly man, right to... | ||
| Is he whistling with his teeth? | ||
| We're looking at him on the left. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| The guy right over his right shoulder. | ||
| That guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| See that guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That guy's a problem. | ||
| Because guys like that, they're not supposed to make it this far. | ||
| They're supposed to be eaten by wolves a long time ago. | ||
| They're supposed to be like that guy that keeps surviving in Game of Thrones. | ||
| It's with the wildling lady, but that guy's more badass. | ||
| He keeps figuring out a way to survive. | ||
| But this guy, there was a Duncan Trussell podcast he did recently with Tim Heidecker. | ||
| And Tim Heidecker, who's from Tim and Eric, hilarious, amazing guy. | ||
| He nailed it. | ||
| And one of the things that he said that just really resonated in my head is he said, there's always been this desire that people have to identify with the strong man and to give in, to submit to the strong man. | ||
| And that's what he is. | ||
| He's this strong, super confident man. | ||
| And that guy over his shoulder is the kind of guy that looks like, you know, probably a nice guy, probably a sweetheart. | ||
| Maybe he eats a little more than he should. | ||
| Doesn't go to the gym when he should and you know alarm clock goes up. | ||
| It's hard for him to get motivated So he's just not he doesn't have a lot of get up and go and he looks at this fucking Trump guy with his orange skin His crazy hair make your hair like like Kennedy. | ||
| Could you imagine giving that dude a pot cookie and a mirror? | ||
| And go hey, bro What's going on up here? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| What's going on? | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| This is madness. | ||
| Like, you're better off having bald spots than that. | ||
| If you have, you know, you just go, like, short, trimmed hair with some bald spots, like, just, that's way more gangster than what you're doing. | ||
| Like, what you're doing is kind of crazy. | ||
| Like, no one's, that doesn't... | ||
| No one's saying anything. | ||
| Hair does not look like that. | ||
| It just doesn't look like that. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| In the wild. | ||
| In the wild. | ||
| What you've done is you've used some sort of chemicals to concoct something. | ||
| You've concocted this resemblance of what your hair used to look like. | ||
| And his face, is that the lighting? | ||
| No, he's orange, bro. | ||
| Or is he really that red and orange? | ||
| They do him up. | ||
| He's got some people that do him up. | ||
| And the kind of people that do him up are probably the kind of people that really like him. | ||
| And they kind of like some orange skin. | ||
| They want to fight. | ||
| Well, it's warping. | ||
| They want to fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is! | |
| It's white people war paint! | ||
| Make me redder. | ||
| But why doesn't he do the under eyes? | ||
| Like, if you're gonna do your face like that, do you think he wears, like, giant goggles when he gets in the tanning booth? | ||
| Is that what's going on? | ||
| Like, why are his eyes so white? | ||
| Why are his eyes just white? | ||
| Surely he knows what he looks like, right? | ||
| He has to. | ||
| But then you look at his hair and you go, well, why is he doing that then? | ||
| You know? | ||
| Why didn't he just Jason Statham it? | ||
| He just tapped into, he just watched Fox News and just went, okay, these guys need a hero. | ||
| I think he's just got an extraordinary sense of confidence. | ||
| In some weird way. | ||
| People are attracted to confidence. | ||
| Yeah, well, that's what Heidecker was saying. | ||
| Heidecker was saying that this desire to submit to the strong man is like, what's going on here? | ||
| And I'm like, ah, I bet that's right. | ||
| I bet that's a lot of it. | ||
| Because we've been talking about these guys that campaign for him, like how excited they are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't follow politics at all, so I apologize. | |
| I read papers. | ||
| It turned off a while ago. | ||
| But just from sitting back and watching, he was the only guy, and I don't know if it was planned that way, or like I said, it's professional wrestling. | ||
| Like, here's what's going to happen. | ||
| You're going to go here, and then you're going to bow out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, why do I have to fight? | |
| I've been doing this fucking 20 business. | ||
| You're going to bow out! | ||
| The Poles love him! | ||
| Now stop it! | ||
| I'll put you back in the fucking office where you... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm just saying! | |
| He's pissed now. | ||
| He's been in government 15 fucking years. | ||
| Because he would go up on the podium and the only thing what people responded to, he would call people out. | ||
| And people loved that. | ||
| They already give that to you 24-7 in shows like Kardashians and all that. | ||
| It's a Twitter... | ||
| Insult! | ||
| Insult! | ||
| That's the new fucking little guy's power. | ||
| He gets up there, he insults people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm calling you out, CBS! He does. | |
| You're a jerk and you know it. | ||
| Be like, I've never seen anyone. | ||
| He's not a politician! | ||
| How is it working? | ||
| It's fucking brilliant. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep the hair more yellow. | |
| Fuck it, I love it. | ||
| Shut the fuck up! | ||
| Get the lighting going! | ||
| Script, get his fucking lights. | ||
| What's going on there, Jamie? | ||
| Sorry, I got too far out. | ||
| No, you're perfect. | ||
| You know, you've got it nailed. | ||
| I mean, that is a guy who's a manager in a pro wrestling show. | ||
| That's the manager. | ||
| If he was representing Bruno San Martino and he's leading him towards the squared circle, he'd be like, yes, yes. | ||
| This is Hulk Hogan's manager, Donald Trump. | ||
| This is what he's going to do. | ||
| If he loses and Hillary wins, he's going to manage Hulk Hogan, and Hulk Hogan's going to have to go back to WWE. He's going to make a comeback. | ||
| Because Gawker is not going to pay him, and so he spent all the Gawker money, and that's going to be the plot. | ||
| He spent all that Gawker money because he thought, I thought we lived in a country that abided by the rules! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought when you go to court and you lose, you pay up! | |
| Yeah! | ||
| So I bought a house in Florida. | ||
| I really like this house. | ||
| I don't want to lose it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So Vince and I came to an arrangement. | |
| I come back here and kick your candy ass, President! | ||
| Is he the President of WWE's ass? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan, they have a match because Vince always wanted to have a match with Hulk Hogan and they go at it. | ||
| And he makes 50 trillion dollars. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| Donald Trump and Vince McMahon. | ||
| It's already happened? | ||
| He was on it a couple years ago. | ||
| I think he shaved his head. | ||
| I'm telling you! | ||
| He shaved his head? | ||
| He shaved Vince's head? | ||
| Oh good lord. | ||
| It's so funny though. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| This is hilarious. | ||
| What a good show. | ||
| Vince is a smart man. | ||
| I'll tell you that. | ||
| He's brilliant. | ||
| Guy's making a lot of money. | ||
| Why doesn't he run for president? | ||
| He'd win. | ||
| He would win. | ||
| He'd fucking win. | ||
| How scary is that? | ||
| If Donald loses, he might win. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| It doesn't scare you that that many people, there's people that still believe in Bigfoot. | ||
| Wait a minute. | ||
| Back off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ghost. | |
| And? | ||
| I had Bobcat Goldthwait in here a couple weeks ago arguing that Bigfoot footage was real. | ||
| No you didn't. | ||
| Bobcat is a Bigfoot believer. | ||
| No, he's not. | ||
| I don't believe you. | ||
| Yes, he is. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| I'm 100% serious. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| For real. | ||
| He's got a movie. | ||
| He's got this movie called Willow Creek. | ||
| It's really good. | ||
| It's not a comedy. | ||
| It's a horror movie about Bigfoot. | ||
| It's like Blair Witch style. | ||
| But he doesn't believe it's real. | ||
| He really believes it's real. | ||
| He went to the Bigfoot conference recently. | ||
| He has to sell that. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| Nope. | ||
| No, I know Bobcat. | ||
| He really believes it's real. | ||
| He not only does he believe, he believes that that video, that Patterson footage of the fucking dude in the monkey suit. | ||
| The old one? | ||
| Yep, that one. | ||
| He thinks that's real. | ||
| 100% he thinks that's real. | ||
| No, he doesn't. | ||
| Yes, he does. | ||
| Yes, he does. | ||
| I know, it seems crazy, right? | ||
| I think he was playing you. | ||
| No, a lot of people do. | ||
| Every time we talk about this, I get fucking hate tweets from Bigfoot lovers. | ||
| There's Bigfoot lovers? | ||
| Oh, Bigfoot lovers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love Bigfoot. | |
| I love it. | ||
| There's fans on TV. There's fans. | ||
| I love Bigfoot and I love the ghosts that they always find. | ||
| They're all Trump supporters. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But no, for real, Bobcat really is a Bigfoot believer. | ||
| Wow, that's odd to me. | ||
| I don't see him as really thinking that way. | ||
| Well... | ||
| I don't know what it is. | ||
| It clings to it. | ||
| My mom... | ||
| That's how I realized my mom was a little dopey, because as a kid... | ||
| Now I'm being serious. | ||
| They watched the Bigfoot show, and I'm thinking as a little kid, I believed it. | ||
| They would interview literally people on a rock... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Going like a hippie and was like, yeah, he was just hanging out. | |
| He was kind of moving his head. | ||
| And my mom go, I believe it. | ||
| My father's going, Jesus Christ. | ||
| There probably was something at one point in time. | ||
| No, there wasn't. | ||
| Well, there was definitely an animal called Gigantopithecus. | ||
| You know about that? | ||
| No. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Oh, Jim Berger. | ||
| Pull up the photo of Gigantopithecus next to a human being. | ||
| It was a huge bipedal hominid that they found bones of in Asia in the 1920s. | ||
| There was an apothecary shop in China, and an anthropologist was in there, and he was studying some of the teeth they had, and he recognized this enormous tooth to be a primate tooth of unknown origin. | ||
| He's like, this is way too large to be a gorilla. | ||
| Like, what is this, and where'd you get it? | ||
| So the people brought him to this apothecary shop. | ||
| There's a photo of a recreation of a Gigantopithecus next to a guy. | ||
| The orangutan. | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| No, there's a... | ||
| Just go back to the images, please. | ||
| Go back to images. | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| You'll definitely find it. | ||
| It's Gigantopithecus next to a person. | ||
| Can I just... | ||
| It just shows you in scale. | ||
| But it was a... | ||
| So they found bones. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| And they found lower jaw bones that would indicate it was a bipedal ape. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So I guess it's the position of the jaw is different if you're on all fours than if you stand up. | ||
| So that's it right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| So this thing lived as recently as 100,000 years ago and maybe more soon, but this is like, they didn't even know about it until 1920 when they got these bones. | ||
| So in 1920, they had those bones and they had them once carbon dating was invented. | ||
| They dated those bones to 100,000 years ago. | ||
| So that was a real animal. | ||
| Can I just tell you? | ||
| If you, you need to change the whole edge. | ||
| I would go to school every day if this was school. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You would learn about Bigfoot and weed and jiu-jitsu. | |
| Everywhere we went today, we just sat there like, dude, fucking, I'm not coming, I'm going back to school tomorrow. | ||
| Well, there's cool shit to learn, man. | ||
| This is cool shit. | ||
| Like, this is cool anthropology. | ||
| I'm not sure if I buy it, though, because... | ||
| Oh, you have to. | ||
| Yeah, but dude, listen. | ||
| That's a real animal. | ||
| Well, that's a 100% confirmed animal. | ||
| But how's it confirmed? | ||
| They just found it. | ||
| Who found it? | ||
| Archaeologists. | ||
| They dug up an anthropologist. | ||
| They studied these bones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're getting $400,000 this year in funds. | |
| If we don't find a goddamn tooth or something, we gotta find... | ||
| Well, I dug every fucking place we can, Charlie. | ||
| There's a place I know. | ||
| It's not a conspiracy. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It's just another way to get money. | ||
| Yeah, but they have the bones. | ||
| You can go see the bones and other anthropologists study the bones. | ||
| We found the bones and said, get the guy with the white coat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We approximately say that I would say estimated 13,000 possibly, sorry, that's 130,000 years ago that this thing roamed the earth. | |
| Oh wow, that's what I can hope. | ||
| Put it out in the real special ones. | ||
| Time Magazine and the, what's it called? | ||
| What was the fucking monkey called? | ||
| Gigantopithecus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And the Gigantopithecus just discovered. | |
| Read all about it and pay $10, you dumb motherfuckers. | ||
| But why is that any weirder than a gorilla? | ||
| A gorilla I can see and we physically can see it. | ||
| Yeah, but almost not. | ||
| You know, they didn't even know mountain gorillas existed until the 20th century. | ||
| Because white people never went that way. | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| When they first got photos of mountain gorillas, they were like, what in the fuck? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like, these are real? | ||
| 1920s? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Find out when they first discovered the mountain gorilla. | ||
| I want to say it was the early 1900s. | ||
| And, you know, that's an animal that we just take for granted, is definitely being real. | ||
| There's a lot of those, Jim. | ||
| I know. | ||
| There's a guy who's been dedicating his entire life to trying to find a giant sloth in the Amazon. | ||
| This guy is convinced that the giant sloths in the Amazon still live. | ||
| Mountain Grill was first discovered by a German officer in 1902. 1902. Captain Robert Von Beringe. | ||
| Prior to this time, only lowland gorillas were known to exist. | ||
| The mountain gorilla subspecies is derived from the Captain Robert Von Beringe's last name, Gorilla Beringe? | ||
| Beringe? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| Gorilla Beringe Beringe? | ||
| That's his name? | ||
| Robert Von Beringe. | ||
| Why do they have to have it twice? | ||
| Gorilla Beringe Beringe? | ||
| What's around in 1902? | ||
| Like, what's going on? | ||
| Not a lot. | ||
| Photos are only 40 years old. | ||
| Think of that. | ||
| Before that, they were drawing shit. | ||
| That's how crazy that is. | ||
| Like sticks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And drawing and... | ||
| Well, I mean, painting. | ||
| I mean, you know, Michelangelo and all that. | ||
| All that shit was before that. | ||
| But that was how you got images back then. | ||
| You had to paint them. | ||
| I mean, we don't really... | ||
| We take photographs for granted so much. | ||
| We don't realize that the photograph was invented in the 1800s. | ||
| I mean, that's not that long ago. | ||
| Alright, now why was this guy even, think about this, 1800s, you don't really have great shoes. | ||
| Why are you just going up in an area why there's, because he's nowhere near from Africa. | ||
| Where was the guy from? | ||
| Well, there was a lot of explorers back there in Africa because they had found it and they started to colonize certain aspects of Africa, like they colonized South Africa, which is why they all have- Which is a nice word for enslaving. | ||
| Yeah, Dutch. | ||
| The Dutch came to Africa and they enslaved people and they made these settlements and they tried to make settlements in the Congo itself, but the jungle just swallowed everything. | ||
| Always. | ||
| They would spend all this money and have boats go down there and they built these beautiful mansions in the Congo. | ||
| But the Congo always ate it up. | ||
| It's just too wild. | ||
| They just couldn't tame the Congo. | ||
| They thought they were going to go there and figure out how to tame that thing. | ||
| Teach them all about Noah's Ark and things like that and their ABCs. | ||
| They just couldn't survive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Welcome back in six months. | |
| You couldn't survive in the jungle itself. | ||
| Like, the jungle itself was just so fucking wild. | ||
| There's no taming the Congo. | ||
| Like, you would have to have, like, a full-scale western invasion to tame the Congo. | ||
| We would have to clear-cut and start chopping down giant swaths of the forest and putting up malls and blowing coal into the air and lighting everything on fire, and we still wouldn't win. | ||
| It's just too much of it. | ||
| It's too big. | ||
| Too big and too crazy. | ||
| The Congo gets all the shows? | ||
| No, what's those shows where they throw you out there, try to survive? | ||
| Oh, Naked and Afraid? | ||
| They don't go to the Congo. | ||
| They don't go to the Congo. | ||
| It's the one place they haven't been yet. | ||
| You ain't gonna make it, bitch! | ||
| We don't have enough insurance to cover you in the Congo. | ||
| Naked and Afraid means eaten. | ||
| You get eaten. | ||
| But can you imagine? | ||
| It's 1902. Think of everything you've seen in your life at that moment. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Right? | ||
| It's not a whole lot to see. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And you're going up the mountains and surely there was a tribe guy or something that was like... | ||
| Give him that little term like, don't go up there. | ||
| He didn't know what he was saying. | ||
| Finally go up there. | ||
| Imagine first time encountering a gorilla. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| You've never seen anything like that in your life. | ||
| Is that a fucking... | ||
| What the fuck is that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I've seen maybe a hippo. | ||
| Is that a hippo? | ||
| Like, can you imagine just squaring off and if that thing- you ever see like when a gorilla charges? | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| And that guy, that guy, I would have flipped out. | ||
| Yeah, imagine being in a time when there was no photographs and visiting the jungle in Africa and seeing all the wildlife. | ||
| Seeing a lion. | ||
| Seeing a fucking lion. | ||
| And what are you in that's going to protect you from it? | ||
| A lot of guys had been eaten. | ||
| Who is this, James? | ||
| Supposedly the picture, I was just reading a story about when they found it. | ||
| This is like his encounter. | ||
| The first one they shot? | ||
| Yeah, they found him going up a volcano or something, it said. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they were tracking him and it took him hours to even find it. | ||
| And a hyena ate half the body by the time they got some of it or something. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| This is a picture. | ||
| A hyena ate half the body by the time they got to it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They said they shot two. | ||
| They killed two. | ||
| They shot two. | ||
| I'm not sure how they killed it. | ||
| It didn't say, but they retrieved it by rope, and they found it. | ||
| It was about 200 pounds, the one they found. | ||
| Dude, Africa is still crazy. | ||
| Have you been there? | ||
| No. | ||
| I was going to go to Tanzania this summer, but I heard that you have to take all kinds of crazy shots. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| You take malaria shots? | ||
| Yeah, I think you take two shots. | ||
| Yeah, but for kids? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you take your kids to Africa? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where'd you guys go? | ||
| Tanzania. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| Yeah, it was sick. | ||
| Was it? | ||
| Dude. | ||
| You can follow... | ||
| There's a tribe there that you can follow for like two, three days. | ||
| They take you hunting. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| There was a part of where I got really spooked out because the guy we were with who just has a spear... | ||
| He's just sitting there with a spear. | ||
| And he's like, you know, stay here, stay here. | ||
| And he was going after some little animal. | ||
| And it was just me and my daughter. | ||
| I'm like, oh my god. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're spear hunting with an African? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Did you ever think of that? | ||
| Like, here I am from Florida. | ||
| Now I'm spear hunting with some African dude and my kid. | ||
| I know. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| It was weird. | ||
| But it was awesome. | ||
| It was really awesome. | ||
| You should go on it. | ||
| I should. | ||
| You'd lose your mind. | ||
| No, I should. | ||
| I have a friend who went there, and he was on a hunting trip, and poachers were in the area, and when they see poachers, they just start shooting at them. | ||
| Shooting at the poachers? | ||
| Just shooting at them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's like, you have to shoot them when you see them, because they will shoot you, and they will kill you, and they were getting shot at by poachers. | ||
| I'm like, so you were in a gunfight with poachers? | ||
| Yeah, because they want that tusk. | ||
| They didn't kill anybody. | ||
| It's not even tusk. | ||
| A lot of it is just meat. | ||
| It's like these people are just starving to death. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Is that who's coming in to get it? | ||
| Oh, there's all sorts of different variables. | ||
| You've got people that are poaching for like rhino horns and their ivory tusks and stuff like that. | ||
| That's all you really hear about. | ||
| But then you've got people that are poaching just for meat. | ||
| They go on someone's private land and they kill the animals and they call them a poacher. | ||
| What they really are is just fucking poor people. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| So anyway, these people, you know, sometimes the poachers will shoot at them and they shoot at the poachers. | ||
| And so when they're asking, I'm like, what do you do if you shoot one of these? | ||
| And he goes, most of the time we let the hyenas sort it out. | ||
| Wow! | ||
| Let the hyenas sort it out. | ||
| Can you imagine you're shooting people and just leaving them for hyenas to eat? | ||
| You've got human-eating hyenas in your backyard, essentially. | ||
| And you're watching it. | ||
| And you're accustomed to it now. | ||
| They must have seen it at least once, right? | ||
| They must have come upon a guy that they just shot, checked on the body, and seen the hyenas tearing it apart. | ||
| With that noise. | ||
| They're the creeps. | ||
| They're the creepiest. | ||
| They're so weird. | ||
| So weird looking with their big back legs. | ||
| Or their big front legs and shorter back legs. | ||
| They're mysteriously dark. | ||
| They're all lopsided. | ||
| They're not like flat. | ||
| You know, like a dog is flat. | ||
| Hyenas are like a ramp. | ||
| Yeah, they slope. | ||
| They slope downward. | ||
| They have really big jaws. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| Look at the size of their head. | ||
| Hyena industry and some interesting facts. | ||
| Oh, history. | ||
| What is history? | ||
| Go back to that picture again, please. | ||
| Look at the fucking mouth on that thing. | ||
| And they don't fear. | ||
| They'll go after lions. | ||
| Dude, look at the teeth on that thing. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That doesn't even look real. | ||
| If that was in a movie, you'd be like, fuck, I'm glad that's not real. | ||
| Africa's just so gangster. | ||
| That's the real deal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know what's weird is like, that is where life started. | ||
| And where life started, it's where it's the most ferocious. | ||
| Think about all the different animals. | ||
| Did you know that there was a lot of animals like this that lived in North America? | ||
| There was a hyena that was like a fast-running hyena, a type of hyena. | ||
| Here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| In North America. | ||
| This guy named Dan Flores, he's got this book on the American Serengeti, and he was on my buddy Steve Rinella's podcast talking about it. | ||
| He's a wildlife historian. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A nature historian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And he was talking about how crazy the animals were in North America just, you know, 100,000 years ago. | ||
| They don't even know what caused the mass extinction, but there was a bunch of... | ||
| They had a lion here that was bigger than the African lion. | ||
| It was called the steppe lion. | ||
| So is this from the divide? | ||
| Because I didn't realize that too. | ||
| Yeah, the continental divide. | ||
| The Bering Strait. | ||
| Yeah, but there was also like just mass extinctions here for some strange reason. | ||
| And they really don't know? | ||
| They don't know, no. | ||
| You know, horses, like Native Americans didn't have horses. | ||
| The Europeans brought the horses to the Native Americans. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah, but here's where it gets really crazy. | ||
| Horses evolved in North America. | ||
| Horses evolved in North America and went extinct. | ||
| The only horses that survived were the horses that had been captured or had gone across the Bering Strait and made it into Asia. | ||
| Those are the horses that survived. | ||
| So then when like Arabian stallions and shit came back from there into North America again, they had literally originally evolved in North America. | ||
| All the canines evolved in North America. | ||
| Like wolves, hyenas, dingoes, all those things originally came from North America. | ||
| Coyotes, maybe not dingoes. | ||
| Isn't that Australian? | ||
| It's Australian, but... | ||
| Do you think they brought them over there, though? | ||
| They brought a lot of shit over to Australia. | ||
| Australia's filled with animals that don't belong there. | ||
| Yeah, and they don't belong anywhere else. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of... | ||
| Well, there's like kangaroos, which are only there. | ||
| Panda bear. | ||
| Is panda bear there? | ||
| Panda bear. | ||
| Not panda bear, the freaking koala bear. | ||
| Oh, koala bear. | ||
| Koala bear. | ||
| They got some weird shit, man. | ||
| But they also have like... | ||
| Panda bear. | ||
| They have a ridiculous amount of animals living there. | ||
| And then they brought in cats to kill some of the animals, and then the cats got out of control. | ||
| Now they have a feral cat problem. | ||
| They also have. | ||
| You know what scares me? | ||
| I would never... | ||
| They have too many things that can eat and kill you. | ||
| I think more than Africa. | ||
| You can't swim in the ocean and they get the saltwater crocs. | ||
| Oh, the worst saltwater crocs and the worst shark attacks. | ||
| South Africa and Australia have the worst shark attacks. | ||
| The snakes. | ||
| They got the worst snakes. | ||
| Bugs, spiders. | ||
| All kinds of spiders that'll fuck you up. | ||
| They try to oust them. | ||
| But the people are cool as fuck. | ||
| Australian people are some of the coolest fucking people you'll ever meet. | ||
| I'm a big fan. | ||
| I'm a big fan of Australian people. | ||
| If you had to move, is that where you'd go? | ||
| Well, that's a good spot to move because it's on the other side of the world. | ||
| So if we blow this thing up... | ||
| And we need somebody with a greenhouse in Sydney. | ||
| That's the move. | ||
| Because if we don't make it, if America doesn't make it, like say if Yellowstone blows. | ||
| If Yellowstone blows up and kills everybody on the continent, you're going to have to go somewhere where the transition would not be that difficult. | ||
| And Australia, I think, is the furthest away where the transition would be easy. | ||
| What if it got too crazy and it was way too many people? | ||
| In Australia? | ||
| And they literally were like, you can't, we're cutting the borders. | ||
| They do that, you know, in Australia. | ||
| That's one of the reasons why Australia is so awesome. | ||
| When a bunch of immigrants show up in a boat, they're like, eh, not so fast, fuckface. | ||
| They turn them around, they send them to some shitty island. | ||
| We got our own ruse here. | ||
| They make them eat bugs. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good. | ||
| It's not good. | ||
| I'm not kidding, man. | ||
| They're brutal. | ||
| Their anti-immigration policy is widely criticized, but it's one of the reasons why apparently it's so... | ||
| Who was it that told us about that? | ||
| Josh Zeps? | ||
| Was he the first one that told us about that? | ||
| One of the guests who was from Australia, I believe it was Josh, was explaining how crazy they are about stopping immigration. | ||
| Illegal immigration is like a no-no over there. | ||
| They just won't let it happen. | ||
| That would... | ||
| That's like a scene of a movie. | ||
| Something goes down here. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Millions of people going down there, and they're not letting you in now. | ||
| There's so many of them. | ||
| Sorry, I can't let you in. | ||
| There's so many people from all over the world, but there's only 20 million people in all of Australia or something like that. | ||
| I think Australia itself, the whole continent of Australia, has the same amount of people as California. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And it's as big as the United States. | ||
| Because you can't live on a lot. | ||
| Is there a lot of desert there? | ||
| Well, you can't if you're a pussy. | ||
| What if you're a fucking man and just move out? | ||
| 23 million. | ||
| So it's probably less than California. | ||
| Yeah, California is probably like 30 million. | ||
| If I had to guess, how many people are in California? | ||
| No? | ||
| Official population is probably going to be a little under, but easily, that money. | ||
| Yeah, they're not counting Mexicans either. | ||
| No offense to my Mexican friends, but... | ||
| Listen, I wouldn't have my fucking paperwork either. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| No, 38. 38 million? | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| And that's not even including illegal aliens, right? | ||
| You know another fucking crazy thing? | ||
| Somebody brought this up somewhere recently. | ||
| I forget who it was. | ||
| Maybe I read it somewhere. | ||
| They were talking about what percentage of Native Americans are in Mexico. | ||
| Mexico has a lot of people that a good percentage of their genes are Native American. | ||
| The same as the people that came from Siberia. | ||
| In Mexico? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| The genetic differences between Mexicans and Native Americans is very small. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of times, and I'm not to offend anyone, I'm just being honest, where I can see that a lot. | ||
| I couldn't tell, is that person Mexican or is that person a Native American? | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| I just did the other day at freaking CityWalk. | ||
| I was trying to be racist and I wasn't sure which way to go. | ||
| How do I culturally appropriate? | ||
| A sombrero or a feather? | ||
| Interesting, right? | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, they all came down from Asia. | ||
| Along with all these fucking crazy animals that this guy Dan Flores is talking about. | ||
| They had a single short-faced bear. | ||
| Is that what it's called, Jamie? | ||
| Short-faced bear. | ||
| This fucking enormous, terrifying bear that they think was one of the reasons why people didn't come to North America sooner because they were so dangerous. | ||
| They were huge, like bigger than grizzlies and super predatory. | ||
| And so like when people were coming across the Bering Stray, they were probably just getting picked off. | ||
| Ugh! | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Ugh! | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| It's giant and it's chasing down a buffalo in this photo. | ||
| You ever watch some YouTube videos? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| The grizzly just chasing the moose down the street. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It just takes him down and he knows he's gonna get him. | ||
| The moose is half eaten. | ||
| Still running. | ||
| Just looking back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's like, I'm gonna catch up to you. | |
| It's horrifying. | ||
| It's scary, but it's also real. | ||
| God, these things still exist and can eat you at any moment. | ||
| We're still part of the wild. | ||
| Oh, we are. | ||
| We've just made cities. | ||
| Here's one. | ||
| That's the one I'm talking about. | ||
| Yeah, chasing this buffalo. | ||
| A giant-ass grizzly chasing a buffalo. | ||
| He's half torn up already. | ||
| God, he's so big. | ||
| They say that that buffalo got burned in some sort of a volcanic fire or something like that. | ||
| That was an already injured buffalo. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| He's already had enough. | ||
| Oh, that bear is so terrifying. | ||
| Look at his mouth. | ||
| He's foaming. | ||
| He is foaming. | ||
| Look, he's got an air. | ||
| He's in the air, dude. | ||
| And he probably weighs 500 pounds. | ||
| At least. | ||
| And he's booking it down the street. | ||
| Shit, he probably weighs more than 500 pounds. | ||
| If that's a buffalo, he's probably like 600 or 700 pounds. | ||
| What am I guessing? | ||
| What do you weigh? | ||
| What am I, fat shaming a bear? | ||
| Why do I care what he weighs? | ||
| I'm obsessed with a number. | ||
| Did you see... | ||
| I don't know if you're watching, but I just watched it on the plane. | ||
| What's the Leonardo DiCaprio one? | ||
| Where he gets... | ||
| Oh, the Revenant. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Did you see the scene? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The bear scene? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the first time, actually, I don't know what you think of it, but that's the first time where I saw how quick that can happen. | ||
| I thought they made it real how a bear can just, within a second he's on you, it's over. | ||
| They're so big, and they move so much faster than a person can. | ||
| We judge everything based on what we can do. | ||
| Like, we see an animal, we're like, okay, if I had to run towards him right now, how long would it take? | ||
| But the timeline that an animal can close in on you versus what you can do to them is so goddamn different. | ||
| Like, you just don't understand how fast they are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage. | |
| But you live in New Jersey. | ||
| New Jersey's got a crazy bear problem. | ||
| They're overrun with bears in some areas. | ||
| Um... | ||
| There's bears, but... | ||
| They're black bears. | ||
| Yeah, no one... | ||
| Not as scary. | ||
| They get spooked out really easily. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're scavengers. | ||
| They're just looking for garbage. | ||
| They don't care about you. | ||
| They are for the most part. | ||
| They definitely do turn predatory though when they get really hungry. | ||
| Some of them are predatory. | ||
| I know a guy who was camping with some dude. | ||
| It was his first hunting trip and he got attacked in his tent by a 500 pound predatory black bear. | ||
| Huge, hungry, older black bear. | ||
| Just took a chance. | ||
| Went in the tent and just tried to jack him in his tent. | ||
| His friend shot the bear, shot through the bear and hit him in the wrist. | ||
| So he wound up getting a broken wrist from the rifle. | ||
| And they chased the bear out of the tent and shot it in the woods. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| How about that for your first fucking camping trip? | ||
| No! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Tony, no. | |
| You're not gonna see animals. | ||
| That could be bears. | ||
| Everything's fine. | ||
| Most of the time nothing happens. | ||
| Most of the time they run away. | ||
| But they killed that kid at Rutgers. | ||
| Was it like a year and a half ago? | ||
| The kid who got eaten at Rutgers. | ||
| Rutgers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, he was a kid from Rutgers outside in the woods and took a photo of the bear right before it ate him too. | ||
| They got a photo of the very bear that wound up killing him. | ||
| Apparently they ran and they saw the bear and they freaked out and ran and when they ran the bear chased them. | ||
| And one of them... | ||
| What kind of bear was it? | ||
| Black bear. | ||
| A black bear? | ||
| I didn't even know they ate meat. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| Hiker snap photo of bear before fatal attack in West Milford. | ||
| That's the bear right there. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, if they have an opportunity to eat you, they eat you. | ||
| They eat each other. | ||
| I mean, if you kill a black bear and leave it there, the other ones will eat it. | ||
| Wow, that's scary. | ||
| Yeah, they're a gangster. | ||
| That's near my house. | ||
| Yeah, that's a real animal, dude. | ||
| I mean, you guys have a lot of them in New Jersey. | ||
| Yeah, we saw them a couple times in the last two, three years. | ||
| They would come up on my back deck and tear down the bird feeder. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Just right outside the... | ||
| And they're big creatures. | ||
| Yeah, how big was the one you saw? | ||
| Um... | ||
| Maybe like... | ||
| Like a big dog? | ||
| No! | ||
| It's a little bigger than a dog. | ||
| Like a couple hundred pounds, probably. | ||
|
unidentified
|
300? | |
| That's a fucking big animal, man. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Bear takes a dip in New Jersey's family pool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a big one, too, man. | ||
| Goddamn, that's a big-ass bear to find swimming in your fucking pool. | ||
| Holy shit! | ||
| Look at the size of him! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, that's a mature old bear that doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's just so weird that they live with people in New Jersey of all places. | ||
| There's two wacky black ones. | ||
| There's a good video in my nephew's neighborhood where the two black bears are going at it. | ||
| Oh, Far Rockaway? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Is that the one? | ||
| Yeah, I've seen that. | ||
| We played that before. | ||
| And then there's one in Jersey that walks on its hind legs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see that one? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's Bigfoot, bro. | ||
| That's what Bigfoot is. | ||
| Go Bobcat! | ||
| Bobcat! | ||
| I found a new Bigfoot video for you. | ||
| I think that's exactly what we're seeing. | ||
| Bears can do that apparently all the time. | ||
| They can walk on their hind legs. | ||
| They just don't do it very often. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| But he walks through the neighborhood like that, too. | ||
| If you were, like, at dusk, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And it was really dark out, and you saw that thing walking through, like, a glint of moonlight, you would swear it was a giant gorilla. | ||
| Yeah, that's Bigfoot. | ||
| That's Bigfoot. | ||
| Listen, I know him before, I joked at Bigfoot, but I saw him last night. | ||
| Look at that thing! | ||
| But for real, like, a black bear can easily get to be seven feet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So if you got a seven-foot black bear and you see it walking through the woods, or even a fucking six-and-a-half-foot black bear when you're shitting your pants... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at that! | |
| Yeah. | ||
| You're gonna swear it's way bigger than it was. | ||
| He's just walking on his hind legs. | ||
| Nobody ever underestimates a giant two-foot, you know, walking on two-leg gorilla. | ||
| You don't underestimate the size of that thing. | ||
| You overestimate it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| If it's six feet tall, you say he was fucking eight feet tall. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| New Jersey's pretty rural. | ||
| People don't realize that. | ||
| They think of New Jersey as being like where Tony Soprano lived. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Or they think it's Newark Airport. | ||
| Hoboken. | ||
| Hoboken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's a lot of woods in Jersey. | ||
| And you also have the shore. | ||
| And the Jersey Devil. | ||
| And the Jersey Devil. | ||
| Have you ever seen it? | ||
| I might have heard him. | ||
| I might have heard him. | ||
| What does it sound like? | ||
| It's a little bit like a screech owl. | ||
| Ooh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's really eerie. | ||
| Maybe it's just a screech owl. | ||
| It could be. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the problem. | |
| There it is. | ||
| There's the Jersey Devil. | ||
| It looks like a camel fucked a dragon. | ||
| I will say this. | ||
| I will say this. | ||
| One night, my wife and I were sleeping and on the roof. | ||
| This really did happen. | ||
| It sounded like something landed on that roof. | ||
| That was me, bro. | ||
| Look at it. | ||
| It's a goat with wings. | ||
| Is that the Jersey Devil caught? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| An actual photo? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| See, here's the thing, right? | ||
| Jersey Devil doesn't scare me as much as a fucking alligator that pulls babies out of Disneyland and drags them into the lagoon. | ||
| That's a real thing. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| I've been in that with my kids. | ||
| I've been in that. | ||
| They need to have signs. | ||
| I think they do. | ||
| It says, don't go in the water. | ||
| It didn't say that's filled with dinosaurs? | ||
| It didn't say there's man-eating dinosaurs in there. | ||
| That's where I think the problem's gonna lie for them. | ||
| If you're from Florida, I still live there. | ||
| You heard about it all the time. | ||
| Small dogs, a two-year-old toddler. | ||
| I lived there too. | ||
| I lived in Gainesville between ages of... | ||
| What year was it? | ||
| It was like the early 70s. | ||
| We lived there for like three years at Gainesville. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow, you were young. | |
| Yeah, around Lake Dallas. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Oh, they climb fences now. | ||
| Have you seen this? | ||
| This is so scary. | ||
| But I talked about this in the podcast recently. | ||
| When I was a kid and we lived there, they were endangered. | ||
| And so you couldn't hunt them. | ||
| Nobody hunted them. | ||
| And now they have so many of them that they give out hunting tags like for that Swamp People show. | ||
| You ever watch that show where they kill alligators? | ||
| Horrifying. | ||
| That guy had 500 tags. | ||
| He could kill 500 alligators. | ||
| How many fucking alligators do they have where you give someone 500 tags? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, it's crazy. | |
| You've got a real problem then. | ||
| I would say so. | ||
| Look at this guy. | ||
| He's climbing a fence. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Look at that fucking thing. | ||
| I mean, that is straight out of 200 million years ago. | ||
| That's a dinosaur. | ||
| I don't think they've changed in 100 million years or something crazy like that. | ||
| There's some nutty number. | ||
| It's like 50 million, something like that. | ||
| Like how long dinosaurs or alligators have been exactly the same. | ||
| You're just food. | ||
| Just food. | ||
| That's all you are. | ||
| I don't see your wife or kids. | ||
| I just see food. | ||
| It's not like you look at the baby deer with the mama deer and you go, I can't shoot her. | ||
| She's got the baby. | ||
| You hear about the Splash Mountain alligator that someone posted this video of? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| What? | ||
| This alligator was, like, right next to Splash Mountain. | ||
| I'll pull up the... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where? | |
| There's a worker. | ||
| In Disney? | ||
| Yeah, watch how close the people get to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow! | |
| This worker's, like, smacking it away with a stick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| This was in, like, 2009, I think. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Okay, how do you not just kill that thing? | ||
| You gotta kill it. | ||
| Look, it's little enough right now that you can kill it. | ||
| That's a little baby alligator. | ||
| Well that's a small alligator, right? | ||
| No! | ||
| Wow, he's right next to it. | ||
| He's right next to it. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They just tolerate that kind of shit in Florida. | ||
| That seems like a really little alligator, by the way. | ||
| He's little, but he could do a little damage. | ||
| I'll fuck that alligator up. | ||
| I'll tell you right now, I will fuck that alligator up. | ||
| I'll grab it by its tail, and I'll bounce its head right off that sidewalk over and over again, and I'll turn it into a dick holster. | ||
| I'll make him cradle my balls for the rest of time. | ||
| Look at this guy's gonna get a net and try to scoop it up. | ||
| What is this asshole doing with a net? | ||
| You need a gun, son. | ||
| He's got like the end of the pool skimmer. | ||
| Go get yourself a crossbow. | ||
| Shoot that fucking thing right in its caveman brain. | ||
| Caveman brain. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| What's wrong with me? | ||
| That's a lizard. | ||
| I mean, that's a heartless, thoughtless creature that exists to eat things. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| That's all it does. | ||
| They're coming, too. | ||
| There's more of them now than they've ever been before. | ||
| And this trend continues, you've got a real fucking problem. | ||
| Because when I was living there, I'm trying to figure out what year. | ||
| I was born in 67. We lived in Florida until I was 11. No, we lived in San Francisco from age 7 to 11. So... | ||
| I was 11 years old. | ||
| Somewhere around then. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| What year? | ||
| 73? | ||
| I'm way too stupid. | ||
| If it was 73, you're probably about 5 years old. | ||
| 6 or 7 years old. | ||
| No. | ||
| 73, I was 6. Yeah, so... | ||
| So somewhere around... | ||
| We're talking somewhere around 1977. Okay? | ||
| Okay, so you're like... | ||
| 10 to 12. These are kind of prime. | ||
| These are big years. | ||
| So just think about this year, 1977. Now think about 2016. So in 77, they're protected. | ||
| In 2016, you can kill 500 of them. | ||
| What the fuck is it going to be like 50 years from now? | ||
| What is it going to be like in 2066? | ||
| Are you going to be able to go anywhere near there? | ||
| Or is it just going to be some crazy Congo-type situation? | ||
| Or every time you get out of your car, something's trying to eat you and kill you? | ||
| I think they're gonna... | ||
|
unidentified
|
America will, under the guise of President Trump, President Trump will guide us. | |
| He lives in Florida. | ||
| I live in Florida! | ||
| We will kill them all! | ||
| We will have golf! | ||
| He likes golf, right? | ||
| He's a golf guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is he? | |
| Yeah, he's got golf courses and shit. | ||
| He designs golf courses. | ||
| So he's not going to tolerate people getting eaten by... | ||
| What if, like, Jack Nicklaus, one of those older dudes, was at an event, and something just... | ||
| That big 15-footer that they got on video the other day just says, enough is enough, and jumps out and grabs him right by his polyester pants, right by the dick. | ||
| Just right over. | ||
| Back, front, front, with the eyes, the dick side, and then the bottom is on the asshole side, and just clamps him right up the middle, like a paperclip, and drags him into the water. | ||
| Drags him into the water and flips him a couple times. | ||
| Because it doesn't give a fuck about CBS filming some golf show. | ||
| No. | ||
| Doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| It's not going to not kill you, because this is CBS Golf Day. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Why, the women are doing wonderful today. | ||
| Women golfers have really come a long way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus! | |
| Alligator comes out, eats a lesbian. | ||
| Drags her. | ||
| Just drags her right into the water. | ||
| Doesn't give a fuck about your show. | ||
| She's got a 50 million year old brain. | ||
| There's three brain cells in there just trying to find things. | ||
| Things they can eat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Eat. | |
| Eat fuck. | ||
| Take nap in water. | ||
| They found Nile crocodiles in Florida. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They found quite a few of them. | ||
| They have a shoot on site thing for Nile crocodiles now. | ||
| They say if you see them, you have to kill them. | ||
| Because they've already found, I believe they've found four. | ||
| And they're definitely laying eggs. | ||
| They're definitely breeding. | ||
| And if they found four, there could be hundreds. | ||
| Like, they literally don't know how many Nile crocodiles there are in Florida. | ||
| And you're not going to eradicate them. | ||
| So you just have to do your best to try to curb the population. | ||
| Dude, this is like modern-day Tarzan shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ha-ha! | |
| They are trying to civilize those tribal people! | ||
| From the beginning of time! | ||
| Now we put the jungle to them! | ||
| Send them great white sharks! | ||
| Send them alligators! | ||
| Do you think it's a coincidence that it's all happening in Florida? | ||
| Tony Montana, cocaine cowboys, all the coke, all the pills, okay, all the oxys. | ||
| Florida gave out more oxy prescriptions than the rest of the country combined. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| All that shit's going on there with alligators and Nile crocodiles and fucking vipers in people's yards. | ||
| All these crazy snakes and pythons and people just, eh, I don't want to take care of it anymore. | ||
| They throw it out their fucking back door. | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's what they did in Florida. | ||
| Right, the pythons. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| 10, 15, 20. They get huge and they eat people. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| Fuck yeah, they'll eat people. | ||
| They'll eat everything. | ||
| You go to sleep. | ||
| That's another thing. | ||
| Just lives to eat. | ||
| And it sizes you up. | ||
| Makes its way through your air ventilation system. | ||
| It's as fat as the pipe that your air conditioning comes out. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Nile crocodile identified in South Florida. | ||
| Jesus Christ, this is just last month. | ||
| This is another one. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| May 21st. | ||
| Those are goddamn dangerous. | ||
| They are really scary. | ||
| Those are the things that eat the wildebeest, right? | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They're really scary. | ||
| Because they're way bigger and way more aggressive. | ||
| Like, you can't be anywhere near them. | ||
| They're very different, like, temperament-wise than alligators. | ||
| Send them the beast. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Yes. | ||
| But we don't have weapons. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But we have beasts. | |
| Allow them to buy their own beasts and they'll leash them upon themselves. | ||
| I love that idea. | ||
| Let them unleash their own punishment through their stupidity. | ||
| Their weakness is greed. | ||
| They will continue till they kill themselves. | ||
| What about the ones who are strong? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get them pills. | |
| Make them weak. | ||
| OxyContin! | ||
| Oxy doesn't sound like something that'll kill you. | ||
| Sounds like a cool chick that we know. | ||
| She plays in a band. | ||
| Hey, where's Oxy? | ||
| Oh, uh, Oxy went to visit her family in Sweden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's cool. | |
| She's so badass. | ||
| That's Oxy, you know? | ||
| Oxy! | ||
| Hey, Oxy's back! | ||
| She's got beautiful hair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Big smile. | |
| If it was like a Scooby-Doo band, Oxy would be like their friend that comes over and plays along with them. | ||
| Like, you know, she's pretty, but there's not even a hint of any sexual attraction with anybody. | ||
| Oxy doesn't fuck. | ||
| No one fucks. | ||
| No, she just makes the situation better. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, she's just cool. | ||
| She comes back over and the band plays a cool song and credits roll. | ||
| Oxy. | ||
| Programming. | ||
| Programmed America and fed them alligators. | ||
| Apparently alligators taste really good. | ||
| No, they don't. | ||
| No? | ||
| No. | ||
| What makes you say that? | ||
| You've eaten them? | ||
| At least that's what they said they were. | ||
| Oh, you've had like those alligator... | ||
| Gator tail and fried gator. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They say you gotta eat it fresh. | ||
| They say you gotta eat it fresh, but apparently it has more protein per pound of meat than any other wild game. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, it's up there as high as anything else. | ||
| Higher than even elk and buffalo and bison and things like that. | ||
| I hated it. | ||
| Find out if that's true. | ||
| I don't want a lot of people. | ||
| It was chewy. | ||
| I thought it tasted like shit. | ||
| A little fishy. | ||
| But I think that's because it's prepared bad. | ||
| I think you're getting it from some sort of like fucking Fridays or something like that, like kind of a chain. | ||
| They say if you get it the right way, fresh, and then cook it like the correct way, it's apparently very delicious. | ||
| Or probably just, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, you're probably right. | ||
| I might get it, because I didn't... | ||
| I remember the restaurant was like a special, so it was probably like a trial run, and some guy's cousin was like, trust me, you just cut these up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And you fry them, they're amazing. | ||
| 46 grams of protein per serving. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| Let's start eating them. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| I think that's way more than anything else. | ||
| Gator. | ||
| I'll try, I'll find something. | ||
| The new meat. | ||
| The other meat. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| This is only 3.2 ounces. | ||
| For 3.2 ounces, it's 46 grams of protein. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| That is what it says, right? | ||
| It says 3.2 ounces? | ||
| Yeah, that's what it says. | ||
| Dude, that's incredible. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's... | |
| I mean, it makes sense. | ||
| You're eating a goddamn dinosaur, you know? | ||
| Dinosaur. | ||
| You're eating its tail. | ||
| That's what you eat. | ||
| It's all muscle. | ||
| Yeah, it's all muscle. | ||
| They cut it up into, like, steaks. | ||
| Better be prepared good, though. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to try it. | ||
| I mean, I'm just talking out of my ass. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Twice as much as domestic beef. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Twice as much as domestic beef. | ||
| Well, why don't we feed people fucking alligators, man? | ||
| Why don't we give it a run? | ||
| Yeah, because all these people are worried about, you know, like, large-scale consuming of beef and the harm on the environment. | ||
| We gotta kill these goddamn alligators. | ||
| Start eating them. | ||
| Start fucking eating them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Grow alligator farms and kill these fucking cunts. | ||
| And you'll lose weight. | ||
| Because you're eating pure protein. | ||
| Right? | ||
| So you're... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Does it? | ||
| I'm asking. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| You probably get all ramped up. | ||
| I bet if you eat that stuff, it's probably like super primal. | ||
| If you're eating an alligator, your dick probably gets hard as a rock. | ||
| I mean, have you ever thought of that? | ||
| No. | ||
| It's gotta happen. | ||
| It only makes sense. | ||
| Like, why else would dudes eat like mountain lions? | ||
| Do you know people eat mountain lions? | ||
| Yeah, the loin, the muscles and the back straps, the muscles that are on the outside of the spine, that's where the tenderloin is on a beef cow, like inside, connected to the spine. | ||
| That's the same meat they like to get off of mountain lions. | ||
| But, I mean, why would anybody eat that? | ||
| Unless you were A, really hungry, or B, it makes you drink hard as a fucking crowbar. | ||
| Can you imagine if we all fouled out? | ||
| There's like a type of food that just makes you rock hard. | ||
| And they're trying to give you pills where actually here's the answer. | ||
| You need to eat mountain lions. | ||
| You need to start eating mountain lions. | ||
| Crocodiles and shit. | ||
| I just think we're just so disconnected from these animals that we have some sort of a weird fairytale idea what these things are, just wandering around Disneyland. | ||
| They should have guys that they hire to go kill these fucking things. | ||
| Why are you letting these things live? | ||
| You guys are out of your mind. | ||
| There's too many of them. | ||
| They're going to keep breeding. | ||
| They eat everything. | ||
| They're going to eat dogs and cats and children. | ||
| Oh, the gators. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're going to fucking keep eating things. | ||
| Like, you guys and this idea that all life is sacred. | ||
| Your life is fucking sacred, stupid. | ||
| They're going to eat you. | ||
| They're going to eat you. | ||
| Well, I want to eat them. | ||
| Well, they're going to eat you. | ||
| They're definitely going to eat you. | ||
| They're going to eat you, yeah. | ||
| And if you don't eat them, then there are going to be so many of them that they're definitely going to eat you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What kind of simple wildlife biologist strategy do I have? | ||
| Is kill everything, man! | ||
| No, you don't understand. | ||
| They help the environment. | ||
| They do that. | ||
| That's one thing about coyotes. | ||
| Everybody hates the coyotes out here. | ||
| You know how many rats we would have if it wasn't for these fucking coyotes? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| What would you rather have? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| What would you rather have? | ||
| I think coyotes are cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| And I lost a chicken in one recently. | ||
| Did you really? | ||
| You got chickens? | ||
| How many chickens did you get? | ||
| I just got five new ones. | ||
| I've got 24 now for eggs. | ||
| They're like pets. | ||
| So do you let them walk around the field? | ||
| Do they eat fleas and ticks and all that? | ||
| They eat everything. | ||
| They eat all kinds of bugs. | ||
| They're little dinosaurs, man. | ||
| They're really cool. | ||
| But you can pick them up and... | ||
| But I got the new ones. | ||
| They're little chicks. | ||
| They've actually gotten pretty big really quickly. | ||
| It's crazy how quick they turn from a chicken to a little chicken. | ||
| What happens if you start... | ||
| What do you do with the other chicks? | ||
| Just reintroduce them. | ||
| There's my chicks. | ||
| These are the new ones. | ||
| Do you have a little farm? | ||
| I have a large hen house. | ||
| It's really big. | ||
| So they can wander around in there and they're all protected from the coyotes. | ||
| It's an enormous thing. | ||
| But then I also let them out in the yard. | ||
| But I've got to keep them away from my dog. | ||
| He's decided that he can kill them. | ||
| Because the coyote honeydicked him. | ||
| Yeah, the coyote became friends with him and then talked him into going and breaking into one of the side coops and killing one of the chickens. | ||
| Seriously? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You have to take chickens. | ||
| They brood sometimes, which is they get this thought. | ||
| There's no rooster if they're not getting fucked all the time. | ||
| They're laying these eggs for no reason because there's no chickens ever going to come out of those eggs because they're not fertilized. | ||
| So these eggs are just, it's just free food. | ||
| It's basically the product of you giving them food. | ||
| They lay an egg and you eat that egg. | ||
| It's really interesting, right? | ||
| But the hens sometimes they get crazy because these eggs never become chicks. | ||
| So they think they're supposed to like sit on the egg. | ||
| And it becomes a chick. | ||
| And so they start pulling their feathers off and they do what's called brooding. | ||
| And it'll take a long cycle. | ||
| It takes like 28 days for them to get over it. | ||
| Unless you catch them early in the brood and you separate them from the rest of the chickens and you put them in a stand, like where they, you put them in a smaller cage where they have to stand on a bar. | ||
| And once they do that, because they're not in a nest, they're not sitting in a nesting box, it goes through the cycle in their brain. | ||
| They're little simple, little reptile brains. | ||
| And then you bring them back into the chicken coop and they act like a regular chicken. | ||
| But otherwise, it's like a health problem. | ||
| They don't eat. | ||
| They start pulling their feathers off of their body. | ||
| It gets really weird. | ||
| So I had them separated. | ||
| And the dog, I have a huge dog, the coyote talked the dog into knocking over the chicken coop to get at the chicken. | ||
| Like, the coyote probably wouldn't have been able to do it on its own, because it's not big enough. | ||
| But my dog is a mastiff. | ||
| And so the coyote honey-dicked my fucking dumbass dog. | ||
| That's like... | ||
| So he came out and he's like, listen, man. | ||
| We're buddies. | ||
| You're a coyote, technically. | ||
| No, I'm just a house pet. | ||
| Well, they can fuck, too. | ||
| They can fuck. | ||
| Dogs and coyotes fuck all the time. | ||
| Wow, he duked them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They make babies, man. | ||
| We ran into... | ||
| When I was filming Fear Factor once, we were filming on this real rural area, and these people had a bunch of puppies that were half coyote and half Labrador. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Coyote came over and fucked their dog, man. | ||
| That was out here. | ||
| Yeah, like a dirty criminal. | ||
| Sneaking into your yard, fucking your daughter. | ||
| Like, oh my goodness. | ||
| A little scape convict. | ||
| I don't want you hanging out with them coyotes. | ||
| It was cold out, too, and these puppies were all huddled up together, and we're like, whoa, now what happens? | ||
| What happens now? | ||
| What are you guys going to do? | ||
| They're trying to give them away, and everybody's like, I don't want a half a fucking coyote. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| What the hell's that kind of thing? | ||
| Eat my newborn? | ||
| Well, it's a weird thing, because they really are all wolves. | ||
| Everything's a wolf. | ||
| That's why they can all breed with each other. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| A hippo can't breed with an elephant, but a wolf can fuck a chihuahua. | ||
| And make it pregnant. | ||
| Cuz they're all dogs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or all dogs come from wolves. | ||
| That's so strange. | ||
| Like, if a wolf can figure out how to fit his dick in a chihuahua, and shoot a load in that chihuahua, that chihuahua can conceivably have wolf-chihuahua puppies. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| And what would it look like? | ||
| Like an alien. | ||
| Like an alien. | ||
| Like a crazy- Yeah, it looked like Bigfoot. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| You ever seen those werewolf cats? | ||
| Yeah, they scare me. | ||
| And there's also some weird... | ||
| Is that a conspiracy? | ||
| You ever see the weird blue dog thing? | ||
| Whoa, what is that, Jamie? | ||
| Typed in Chihuahua wolf breed. | ||
| It's called a wolf sable. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that a hybrid? | ||
| It's an AKC registered breed. | ||
| Oh, whoa. | ||
| A little tiny wolf chihuahua. | ||
| I'm sorry, would you ask, Jim? | ||
| I don't even remember. | ||
|
unidentified
|
LAUGHTER You asked if I had seen something. | |
| It was some weird blue-eyed dog-looking thing. | ||
| Do you know what I'm talking about? | ||
| No. | ||
| Has an attack there which just looks weird and creepy, and they got a video of it running along a fence or something. | ||
| Oh, chupacabra? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| You know what they think that is? | ||
| What is that? | ||
| They think it's a coyote with mange. | ||
| They think that when coyotes get mange, and it's real common with animals, they get its mites, and the mites, they develop this horrible skin disease, and they lose all their hair, and their skin becomes black and fucked up. | ||
| And it gets burnt by the sun. | ||
| It looks awful. | ||
| It just looks awful. | ||
| And yeah, they look like that. | ||
| So that's a chupacabra. | ||
| What it is, it's a coyote that just doesn't have any hair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think there's quite a few animals, like if you go down that photo right there, look at that thing. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it's probably in constant pain, you know? | ||
| I mean, its skin is just all fucked up. | ||
| A lot of times there's like open sores all over their body. | ||
| There's a dog, or a wolf, a bear rather, that has mange too. | ||
| Chimps get it sometimes too. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Have you ever seen those hairless chimps? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of times that's what's going on with them too, they got mange. | ||
| I had a dog that had mange, man. | ||
| Sad. | ||
| I rescued her. | ||
| She had mange. | ||
| And they gave me this ointment to give. | ||
| But once I started feeding her good food, her hair all came back real quick. | ||
| I just washed her with some certain type of shampoo. | ||
| And then within a couple months, all the mange was gone. | ||
| Her hair was all big and fluffy and healthy. | ||
| Yeah, mange is a... | ||
| But that's what the chupacabra is. | ||
| Just a coyote with mange. | ||
| It looks real, though. | ||
| I saw it like a year ago. | ||
| I didn't know what it was going on. | ||
| If you saw that, man. | ||
| If you saw something like that outside. | ||
| No, I didn't see it in person. | ||
| But if I saw something like that, I'd freak out. | ||
| Yeah, you'd think it is a monster. | ||
| I'm convinced there's aliens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why the Mexicans believe in the chupacabra. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| That's their, but they can see that where the Bigfoot, though. | ||
| It's not a Bigfoot. | ||
| Because coyotes will fucking kill your chickens and shit, you know? | ||
| And that's probably... | ||
| Don't you think coyote kill a kid? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Absolutely, right? | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| They killed this girl in Toronto a few years back. | ||
| It was a 19-year-old singer. | ||
| She's a country music singer. | ||
| It was a really promising young artist in Toronto. | ||
| And she's going for a walk, and they kill her in the forest. | ||
| During the day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| That's a bad way to die, too, man. | ||
| Because they eat you asshole first. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| They tear you apart. | ||
| They tear you apart. | ||
| And for some reason, coyotes, when they kill a deer, and I'm assuming they do the same thing when they kill a human being, they start with your asshole. | ||
| And I'm sure they try to suffocate you, too. | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck they do. | ||
| You think they just start tearing into it? | ||
| They might just start ripping you apart. | ||
| Especially if they felt like they could hold you down. | ||
| Because wolves do that to animals all the time. | ||
| They just chew at their legs, bring them down, and then just start pulling them apart while they're still alive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, my buddy found a moose that was getting attacked by wolves, and they found it, and it looked like it had been getting chewed on for over a day, and it was still alive. | ||
| This moose was all fucked up, and half of its hindquarters were chewed off, and these wolves were just pulling it apart slowly, and they had been eating it for a day. | ||
| Oh! | ||
| Yeah, still alive. | ||
| Brutal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's just being, again, like a settler, just going around. | ||
| It goes to your brother. | ||
| Your brother just got to you. | ||
| Why does your brother just get torn up? | ||
| Yeah, and they're reintroducing those. | ||
| That's just even more interesting. | ||
| They're bringing them back to all these different parts of the West. | ||
| And if you can get to those people that poisoned them back in the 1800s, if you can get them and bring them to the future, it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you brought them here? | ||
| You know we used to kill these fucking things? | ||
| You guys brought them here? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This way they have to stay in the areas outside of all their pleasures. | |
| They can't go hiking, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you understand? | |
| There's nowhere to escape if they go swimming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We have the crocodiles for this mile there. | |
| That's genius. | ||
| The best way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So now, they must find other means of entertainment. | |
| That's where we come in, sir. | ||
| Ah, television. | ||
| I think he's buying a square. | ||
| I don't want this deal. | ||
| Hiking is too dangerous, sir. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's very dangerous. | |
| You've got bears. | ||
| Black bears now, which we used to trust them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're just like deer, just bigger, but now they eat people, sir. | |
| Yeah, nature's the great educator. | ||
| You go out there and nature balances you out, puts things back into perspective, and we simply can't have that. | ||
| We need them stupid and electronically connected. | ||
| And we need to grab all these dummies that are doing this and start new societies with them. | ||
| Why won't they learn the damn Bible? | ||
| And why won't they sit down and listen when I talk about Ponce de Leon? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's anchors me! | |
| *Dunner noises* So we're in our castro. | ||
| *Dunner noises* You know what always kills me? | ||
| Like straight edge guys. | ||
| Like guys who don't smoke, they don't drink, but they're into like super hardcore music where they all like strut around and they throw their arms up in the air like they're fucking Wreck-It Ralph. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They do the Wreck-It Ralph dance. | ||
| I just went to a show and it was in Jersey and I I'm fascinated how... | ||
| I'm not really fascinated. | ||
| It's just tribal. | ||
| Watching grown men still go around, slam as hard as they can into each other, just vent shirts coming off when they shouldn't come off. | ||
| Some of those guys are in their 40s. | ||
| They don't care. | ||
| Fat. | ||
| This is the first time they drank in three months. | ||
| And they're just smashing into each other. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Hurting each other. | ||
| That's nuts. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Colliding. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Old Indians used to do that. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| I think so. | ||
| At least that's the show in the movies. | ||
| I wonder how much that stuff's real. | ||
| How much is that? | ||
| We don't know what they really did. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| If they ran around. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We weren't there. | ||
| That's a good question. | ||
| I was not there. | ||
| And who was really there? | ||
| If you had the opportunity to go and view any culture from the past, like if you could be completely invisible and walk around amongst the Romans or cave people or Native Americans before the Europeans came, what would you choose? | ||
| Wow, that's a really hard question. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Um, I think... | ||
| I don't know when the time would be, but the first time... | ||
| Where anything was trying to be colonized. | ||
| Like changed. | ||
| From being what your regular... | ||
| Like the first time a boat showed up in Polynesia or something like that and some white people got out. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We're used to being in the fields every day and, you know, this guy hunts and this guy watches after the boys and teaches them and this one's over and we're all, you know... | ||
| And then all of a sudden they come out and they're building like, you guys need to... | ||
| This is how you live. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You need clothes because their cocks are hanging out. | |
| The women are staring at their fucking balls two feet from the ground. | ||
| What are these things? | ||
| What the fuck is going on here? | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| This guy's got a fucking... | ||
| Look at his ear. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's chopped off. | |
| His fucking teeth... | ||
| He's got bones in his fucking ear. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| Can I get a Bible? | ||
| Listen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's this thing called Noah's Ark. | |
| Sit down! | ||
| These fuckers don't pay attention. | ||
| Can you fucking round them up? | ||
| Call Tommy and the boys. | ||
| We're gonna need about 40. These fucking things climb trees. | ||
| What is your character's name? | ||
| I love this guy. | ||
| He needs to come back more often. | ||
| This is the colonization guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They climb trees, Joe! | |
| They climb trees! | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| They fucking, they don't even, they don't even, with their hands, they just fucking climb! | ||
| He's up there for 20 minutes eating a goddamn leaf. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck is going on. | ||
| I'm getting eaten by ants. | ||
| He's laughing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| No, that's a good thought. | ||
| That might be one of the most important times ever, right? | ||
| When the people came from Spain and landed in the West Indies. | ||
| When Columbus and the Pinta... | ||
| That's where they landed, right? | ||
| The West Indies? | ||
| And they encountered the people that were living there, the native people. | ||
| I think I would choose that. | ||
| I would choose that. | ||
| It's like the thing that you could see. | ||
| To know that this experience right now is going to fucking change the future of the world. | ||
| And I want to know the why. | ||
| Why? | ||
| They wanted spices and shit. | ||
| That's what they wanted. | ||
| They wanted gold and salt. | ||
| So again, why? | ||
| So why are you like, alright, listen, we need to train them to be like us? | ||
| That's the part I go, how do we get from... | ||
| It doesn't happen overnight where you're running after something with a stick or you're just farming them all somewhere in a classroom. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have to work to make money to give this guy fucking something. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is it, again, like the fittest? | ||
| One tribe is now starving and now, I don't know. | ||
| Well, they wanted to expand their territories. | ||
| I mean, it's like Game of Thrones type shit. | ||
| The king wants to bring back more gold, and so he commissions a fleet, and he hires a captain, and he promises the captain riches beyond his wildest imagination if you go to these foreign lands and bring back salt. | ||
| And so these fucking people would get in these wooden crafts that barely had enough food for them to survive and make it across that goofy-ass ocean. | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| There was no weather report. | ||
| There was no iPhone app. | ||
| They had no idea what the fuck was coming. | ||
| And they were in a boat in the ocean and a lot of them didn't make it. | ||
| Like probably like a good percentage. | ||
| Like a healthy 10 to 15 percent never fucking made it. | ||
| I bet you more. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| There's a lot of shipwrecks, though. | ||
| People find them all the time. | ||
| And they find them filled with gold. | ||
| That's what's crazy, man. | ||
| They found a ton of them where people have gotten super fucking rich. | ||
| Where they found, like, Roman coins that are made out of gold worth a billion dollars or something like that off the coast of this place or that place. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The power of greed. | |
| Yeah, they brought back too much gold and their fucking wrath sank. | ||
| Well, think of that. | ||
| How desperate are you? | ||
| To go, okay, we're running out of places to find gold. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's just, let's just fucking, but I've heard people have died. | |
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| What are we gonna do? | ||
| He's beheaded fucking people. | ||
| We gotta get him gold. | ||
| Like how desperate, like when, how desperate you gotta be to go, we're gonna go, we're gonna start hitting other countries and fucking fighting India, whatever we gotta do. | ||
| Think about how terrifying it must be to have a boat filled with gold and you're trying to bring it back to Spain and you realize you brought too much gold and the boat starts going under and you're in the middle of the ocean, but you can't throw the gold overboard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's discussions. | |
| Sir, we've got to get rid of some of this gold! | ||
| And you're looking out and it's dark out, right? | ||
| It's just the blackness of sea and the water is slowly leaking in through the panels in the fucking, in the galley at the bottom of the boat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can't keep taking this water on! | |
| We've got to get rid of this fucking gold! | ||
| And they have a sword fight in there and they duke it out and they all wind up dead. | ||
| All chopped up and bleeding and the fucking boat just sinks to the bottom because they had, they couldn't make a decision whether or not they should throw the gold overboard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not wearing this coat overboard, it's my life. | |
| Even today, you could drop a GPS pin, but what are the guarantees you could go back to that location and retrieve it? | ||
| What if you dropped it at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, and it's a mile and a half down. | ||
| It's just gone. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Good luck fishing it out. | ||
| You gotta, oh, it's cool, dude. | ||
| We got a treble hook. | ||
| My dad's got like a deep sea saltwater set up. | ||
| I could fix it. | ||
| My dad's got the ultimate set of tools. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The ultimate fishing pole, man. | |
| We're gonna dive. | ||
| Dude, I hold my breath like a champ. | ||
| I'm just gonna get under that water and bring up one coin at a time. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| They died because they were greedy. | ||
| They died because their boat sank with too much gold. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Or maybe the boat just sank and it just so happens they had a lot of gold on board and a lot of times they made it with that much gold on board. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, but there weren't any fucking engineers that had done stress tests on the wood and knew exactly how much water could take. | ||
| How to negotiate. | ||
| Under pressure. | ||
| We live in such easy times. | ||
| Just carry a credit card. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| But I like that whole concept that the animals are coming back. | ||
| They're coming back, dude. | ||
| I mean, it is what it is. | ||
| If you look at Florida, like again, I was talking about living there in 1977. We're talking about a very short period of time between now and then. | ||
| It's not that long. | ||
| It's just not. | ||
| 40 years is not long at all when you're talking about biology. | ||
| It's a short amount of time for a radical change like that. | ||
| For an animal to go from endangered to ultra-prevalent in eating people on a regular basis. | ||
| Think of even this. | ||
| The girl that was... | ||
| Yes, she's in Africa and all that. | ||
| But I don't know if they just kept it quiet or secret or whatever. | ||
| Maybe it's happened many times in the past, but this one particular time, the chick is in the front seat, and she's taking pictures, and her window's down. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| And the lion just literally would have grabbed her and pulled her out. | ||
| Killed her in front of everybody. | ||
| That was the Game of Thrones editor. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah, she was an editor. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| In the Game of Thrones. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Apparently they told her not to roll the window down, too. | ||
| You know, I guess it's just so tempting. | ||
| You feel safe. | ||
| You're in that car. | ||
| But the lion saw that opening, and there's a female lion, too. | ||
| But think about that. | ||
| Those lions, they tell you when you go over there. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| They tell you, listen, they think it's just a big animal, so they're not really going to... | ||
| You've just got to stay still. | ||
| And don't move. | ||
| Don't make any jerky noise. | ||
| And he'll think that it's a big animal. | ||
| And so that's your sales pitch. | ||
| You're sitting there in the open and the lion's looking at you going, he just thinks he's not going to jump. | ||
| They told me. | ||
| They would have told me if people had been eating before, right? | ||
| I would want to be in the back of that helicopter. | ||
| Like that scene in Predator where Jesse Ventura's got the gun loaded and he's calling everybody a bunch of slack-jawed faggots. | ||
| That's the only way I would want to go. | ||
| I'd want to go with a bunch of dudes with fucking bandoliers filled with bullets and locked and loaded with giant steroid-filled muscles just ready to... | ||
| It never runs out of ammunition either. | ||
| Yeah, I don't need a camera. | ||
| I'll put a GoPro on my head. | ||
| We'll capture the whole thing and sort out the pictures later. | ||
| Let's just get through this. | ||
| Let's just get through this. | ||
| I'm not opening up the fucking window. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I'm not opening up the fucking window to take a picture of a giant cat. | |
| It kills things every day with its face. | ||
| No, keep the fucking- Dolores! | ||
| Keep the window rolled up! | ||
| You crazy bitch! | ||
| And you see that paw that looks like a catcher's mitt. | ||
| With fangs. | ||
| Clamp! | ||
| Gets ahold of your tit and just yanks you out of the car. | ||
| Digs into your rib cage. | ||
| Oh my god, I don't even mean to laugh. | ||
| It's horrifying. | ||
| You're sitting there with your fucking Mets shirt on, listening to some good music on your iPod, and it just paws through that window and digs those claws deep into the fucking bones in your ribs and carries you off like when you pick up a little piece of sashimi with a chopstick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| It's that simple. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You come right out of that window in a second. | ||
| It would take you 10 minutes to climb out of it. | ||
| That's why we all need guns. | ||
| The lions are coming! | ||
|
unidentified
|
The lions! | |
| Do you think that after shootings happen, the sales in guns go up? | ||
| Oh yeah, for sure. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Skyrocket. | ||
| People get scared, too, when all the rhetoric starts getting around about ending the Second Amendment, taking away people's rights to guns. | ||
| It's the best thing in the world for ammunition companies and rifle companies. | ||
| Jamie, there's a video that people are throwing around on Instagram. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I wanted to ask if this is true. | ||
| There's a... | ||
| Some people from another country, they're speaking a foreign language. | ||
| They're talking in front of a lion carcass. | ||
| They're taking a photo, and then another lion comes and jacks him off camera. | ||
| Oh, wow! | ||
| But it looks so fake. | ||
| Oh, it does? | ||
| Yeah, it looks so convenient. | ||
| The framing of it, where the lion gets into frame and then jumps over the camera to get the person as they scream, and you hear the noises in the background. | ||
| I watched it, I was like, man, this is way too theatrical. | ||
| It's way too well-framed. | ||
| This has got to be bullshit. | ||
| That was my initial instinct. | ||
| But what's interesting... | ||
| Oh, Kings MMA put it on their Instagram page. | ||
| My friend Rafael Cordero, who's one of the best Muay Thai instructors in the world, trains a bunch of world champions, Fabricio Verdum, Rafael Dos Anjos, a lot of people. | ||
| He's a great guy, too. | ||
| He put it on his page, and he was... | ||
| It's funny because he put a caption in, you know, the Brazilian version of English, you know, you are in his house now, like that kind of shit. | ||
| Like, here it is. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| It's a big line. | ||
| Whoops. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Here it is. | ||
| Look at the, um, his words are interesting. | ||
| Humans' mentality. | ||
| They think it's a sport to kill lions. | ||
| Well, I guess the lion's brother wasn't going for that. | ||
| Bon appetit, Mr. Lion. | ||
| We feel your pain, see? | ||
| Looks fake as fuck, right? | ||
| Yeah, let me see her again. | ||
| It'll replay itself. | ||
| He ran straight to the person who had the gun. | ||
| This is their house and nobody can cross that line. | ||
| That's so hilarious. | ||
| See, the line comes back into focus. | ||
| I don't buy that at all. | ||
| I just think that's fake. | ||
| Can I see it again? | ||
| I think I'm going to agree with you. | ||
| I want to see her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta watch her reaction. | |
| That's right. | ||
| Okay, good stuff. | ||
| Fuck! | ||
| No, the... | ||
| that she would have never... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then the lion comes back. | |
| See, all those things, there's so much off there. | ||
| First of all, why did the lion just abandon these people that are shooting it? | ||
| Did it kill them and walk off real quick? | ||
| That doesn't make sense. | ||
| Because there's two of them. | ||
| If it killed two of them, I think it would have killed one and ragdolled it around a little bit and then gone to the second one. | ||
| It would have taken longer than 10 or 15 seconds. | ||
| You can add that side effect. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then the rifle went off and nothing happened. | ||
| They missed totally. | ||
| They missed twice. | ||
| All that stuff seems fake. | ||
| The framing is the big one. | ||
| And then their acting seems like shit, too. | ||
| I thought they were speaking another language. | ||
| Apparently... | ||
| Speaking English. | ||
| But, that goes back to... | ||
| You know when I think about things like that, Joe? | ||
| I literally sit there and go, humans will believe anything without even a thought process. | ||
| We'll just believe it. | ||
| Yeah, no, it's the video. | ||
| I saw it. | ||
| But don't you think that's... | ||
| I completely saw it. | ||
| That's also a smart video to make because that's what people want to see. | ||
| People hate trophy hunting. | ||
| They hate this idea that people go over there and shoot these lions and then prop them up and look with a big smile on their face next to some weird animal that they just shot, some majestic beast. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| It's all weird. | ||
| What's weird, too, that people are celebrating that this fucking lion came by and jacked him. | ||
| Went after the lady with the gun. | ||
| You know, like, everybody's, like, all happy. | ||
| The comments are all happy. | ||
| Like, I'm not into killing lions, but I'm definitely not into lions killing people. | ||
| And I don't think that it's, like, a revenge thing. | ||
| Like, that lion would have killed them no matter what. | ||
| They killed. | ||
| They're lions. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| Yeah, I get it. | ||
| I'll sit there and I'll go, like hunting? | ||
| To me, like hunting? | ||
| He's on a reserve. | ||
| If you are going lion hunting or whatever, if someone owns the land... | ||
| Not only that, most of these things are high fence operations where these lions are fenced in. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like a cheap shot to me. | ||
| It's more than that. | ||
| I mean, it's kind of like shooting a dangerous pet that someone has. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But technically they're free, but... | ||
| Are they? | ||
| A lot of them are not free. | ||
| No, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| They're not free. | ||
| They've been caught, and they tell you... | ||
| They breed them in the wild. | ||
| In these enclosures. | ||
| I mean, not in the wild. | ||
| In captivity. | ||
| They breed them, and then they release... | ||
| Sometimes they release them... | ||
| And these lions have a very specific area that they travel in, and then they release them, and the lions don't know where to go, so they just hang out and wait. | ||
| So when they release them, then in the morning, the hunter, in quotes, comes out and sees this lion just hanging out, because the lion doesn't have anywhere to go, doesn't belong there, it's not his territory, doesn't exactly know what to do, so he just finds a place to lie down. | ||
| So he'll go under a tree and just lay there, and they'll walk over and shoot these lions. | ||
| It's fucking weird, man. | ||
| It's like, what is that? | ||
| Like, that is barely hunting under the loosest possible definition of the term. | ||
| It's barely hunting. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Lion, lion's video's fake. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I knew it. | ||
| See, you can't get me, bitch. | ||
| That's a real person with a real lion. | ||
| Oh, that's why it looked odd. | ||
| See, I thought it was almost like a fake lion. | ||
| The dead lion might be in the fake part and they might have actually... | ||
| The moving lion might have been real. | ||
| I'll read more on that. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| But you know what's weird about this whole thing? | ||
| You know, after Cecil the Lion got killed in Zimbabwe? | ||
| Now they have to kill 200 lions because they have an excess of lions. | ||
| Because nobody wants to go there and nobody wants to hunt lions anymore because of the blowback. | ||
| That they experienced from the Cecil thing. | ||
| So now they're assassinating him. | ||
| What's the Cecil thing? | ||
| You know that guy, that dentist that killed that famous lion? | ||
| Yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| That's Cecil the lion. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Remember that whole outrage was really crazy. | ||
| Everybody got nuts about that. | ||
| And because of that, nobody wanted to go there to hunt. | ||
| So now they have the lions that are decimating the undulate population. | ||
| So they had to kill 200 lions. | ||
| 200 lions that would have brought them, you know, I think they'd get $50,000 a lion. | ||
| When hunter comes and pays to hunt the lion? | ||
| So think about that shit. | ||
| They're like losing money. | ||
| It's a fucked up place, man. | ||
| It is a crazy place. | ||
| Louis Theroux has a beautiful documentary, if you've never heard me yap about it before. | ||
| But it's a documentary about him. | ||
| It's on YouTube. | ||
| Him going on this African hunting expedition with all these Americans. | ||
| It's really strange. | ||
| Really strange. | ||
| Jungle Street Wars. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| No, that's what I'm saying. | ||
| That's what it sounds like. | ||
| Frickin' jungles, street wars with the animals. | ||
| But if you really think about it, you know, people get mad here because they don't live like that. | ||
| They haven't seen, well, until like Orlando, you haven't seen a wild animal snatch a family member, a friend, a child. | ||
| So they're accustomed to like... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| That thing tears me to pieces. | ||
| I still... | ||
| I remember my mom getting eaten by that thing. | ||
| So yeah, no, I have no problem selling him off, taking that thing out. | ||
| Yeah, there was a recent... | ||
| There's this guy named Jim Shockey, and he's got this great show called Uncharted. | ||
| He's just sort of an adventurer. | ||
| He travels all over the world. | ||
| And they hired him to go to Mozambique. | ||
| Because all these people were getting killed by crocodiles. | ||
| So he goes to Mozambique to hunt crocodiles. | ||
| And while they were there, someone in the camp got killed and eaten by a crocodile. | ||
| Some woman was washing clothes and got dragged into the water. | ||
| You know, you talk to them and like those that those people don't they don't have any problem with someone coming over and shooting a crocodile No, because they said they see it. | ||
| Yeah, there'll be no protests, right? | ||
| We don't make movies about this. | ||
| There was an article in the New York Times after the Cecil thing by someone from Zimbabwe that said, in Zimbabwe, we do not cry for lions. | ||
| And it talked about all the family members that had been terrorized, all the people they knew that had been actually killed by lions. | ||
| Like, this is not a joke. | ||
| Like, you guys have this fucking Lion's King version of what's going on over here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But even there still, I don't want anybody to shoot a lion. | ||
| Well, it's just like anything. | ||
| Then they'll say, well, why don't they move? | ||
| Well, you don't know the conditions they are. | ||
| You don't know how far they have to go. | ||
| If they got to go across the desert or where. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You can't say anything to you live that way of life. | ||
| That drives me nuts. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People just, well, you know what's going on over there. | |
| No, I really don't. | ||
| It's so far away and it's so different than anything we can ever even possibly imagine happening in North America. | ||
| Dude, I'm just worried about my teenagers getting pregnant and addicted. | ||
| My mom's gonna be 90 years old. | ||
| They're trying to kick her out of her assistant living because she's run out of money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, God. | |
| And her Medicare kicked in and all of a sudden they're like, yeah, no, we're not taking Medicare, so you gotta find a place for her. | ||
| You know, she's been here all... | ||
| It's like, dude, that's why sometimes when I go in this direction... | ||
| I love going there, but at the end of the day, my stance is always, what am I... So now what? | ||
| So now what? | ||
| But I love the fascination of thinking of it all. | ||
| How crazy it all is. | ||
| But at the same time, I go, all right, I gotta take out the garbage now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I gotta talk to this kid about fucking doing this and see if I can find some money for my mother. | |
| Keep her alive for another month. | ||
| It's just shit like that, you know what I mean? | ||
| Yeah, you can't be worried about Cecil. | ||
| So I'm not worried about fucking Cecil. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm not worried about... | ||
| I feel horrible in bad events, but at the end of the day, I can't control unless it's right here. | ||
| Or maybe I can, and I don't know about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I like thinking about all of it. | ||
| Well, the actual variables, when you stop and think about the future, they get real grim and weird. | ||
| They have to to get better, no? | ||
| Well, it's not even that. | ||
| Like, your body. | ||
| Like, as I'm getting older, one of the things that I'm realizing as I get up in the morning, especially if I work out hard, it's fucking harder and harder to do that. | ||
| Like, slowly but surely, my body's not going to be able to do all the stuff that I want it to do anymore. | ||
| It's just not going to work anymore. | ||
| It doesn't matter how much discipline I have, how well I eat... | ||
| There's going to come a point in time where things just don't work anymore. | ||
| It's just a fact. | ||
| That's the reality of life. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You wake up stiff like... | ||
| And every day you're going to wake up a little more stiff. | ||
| A little more stiff. | ||
| A little more stiff. | ||
| And it doesn't go away in a day or how many times. | ||
| So the chiropractor, now I'm going to take Ning Chung Pao, the new thing to come out from 8 in the morning to 9.30. | ||
| That back fat area of me is going to hurt for 3, 4, 5 months, and I don't know why. | ||
| And I'll have 14 different people telling me different things. | ||
| Just take this pill. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It'll make you feel bad. | |
| We have been alleviating suffering in Americans for more than 30 years now. | ||
| 30 years? | ||
| Do you hear that count? | ||
| 30 years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at my lab coat. | ||
| Do not trust me. | ||
| Oh, I trust you 100%. | ||
| I'm a pen protector. | ||
| Note my pen protector. | ||
| I'm a cautious person. | ||
| You must be really smart. | ||
| Oh, look, I have a clipboard. | ||
| Yes, you do. | ||
| I'm looking at the charts and the results. | ||
| And that handwriting is completely trustworthy. | ||
| You can't understand a word I wrote. | ||
| No, but I see a lot of X's and Y's in numbers. | ||
| Do you know how many people overdose and die because of poor handwriting? | ||
| Or they used to. | ||
| Now they do everything electronically. | ||
| My wife, when she was going through chemo, she would take this other thing that would balance her out. | ||
| And she went there and they gave her the wrong thing and the wrong dose. | ||
| And she came home And she looked like the creature from the Black Lagoon. | ||
| She started getting lumps all over her body, all over her hands. | ||
| And they're like, yeah, no, that's the, uh... | ||
| Yeah, no, it's normal. | ||
| That's usually, you know, it's one of the side effects. | ||
| She's like, no, I haven't had this side effect yet. | ||
| This is freaking me out. | ||
| Some other things were going on with her. | ||
| And sure, she had no fucking hair already and no... | ||
| It's awful when people go through it. | ||
| They look like aliens. | ||
| People stare at you like, oh my gosh, I'm just gonna be dead. | ||
| They're sick. | ||
| Look at their skin. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| I support her because she wears the bandana. | ||
| So you got that going on, and I think the end of the week they're like, listen. | ||
| Sorry, I just realized the dosage was wrong and that's why. | ||
| And the good news is, the good news is, you won't need it next time because you already met your needs for that type of thing. | ||
| But it's good because what you got was really good. | ||
| So what they try to do is avoid any sort of malpractice lawsuit? | ||
| Well, probably. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you don't know. | ||
| Like, here's what I gave you. | ||
| See the X, Y's clips and all that. | ||
| I just don't understand why their handwriting would be so shitty. | ||
| Like, unless they don't give a fuck. | ||
| Like, if you're writing a prescription for someone, if I was going to write a prescription for Xanax, but Xanax was like a lot like Xanolamethan, which fucking kills your dick like a fucking sniper. | ||
| And this is how you're going to do it. | ||
| Do it. | ||
| And you just sort of... | ||
| I mean, you look at some of the writings that a doctor's written down prescription-wise, and you're like, no one can read that. | ||
| No one can understand that. | ||
| There's a website that charts them, like bad prescriptions, like bad handwriting prescriptions. | ||
| Now, class, here's the most important question of the day. | ||
| Why, can someone tell me why, when we sign these prescriptions, and don't forget, you're a doctor now. | ||
| You're very busy. | ||
| You're on call, you're 24-7, you're on call at the hospital. | ||
| Why do we make this type of signature? | ||
| We're not really sure. | ||
| Yes, Charlie in the back? | ||
| To make sure we could never really be sued. | ||
| Excellent choice, Charlie! | ||
| So they make a signature that anybody could forge? | ||
| Forge? | ||
| Or... | ||
| Yeah, I didn't say that. | ||
| My buddy Guido Orlandi. | ||
| He's a pool cue maker. | ||
| He's a great guy. | ||
| And Guido had a signature. | ||
| I'm not bullshitting. | ||
| I'm gonna blow up a spot. | ||
| I'll show it to you. | ||
| I don't want to show it to everybody else, so you steal Guido's empire. | ||
| Yes, show me. | ||
| This was his signature. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| He made an O. He made a weird O. So his wife forged that shit and cleaned him out when he got divorced. | ||
| And he fucking hated life after that, man. | ||
| He was so angry, so bitter, so crushed. | ||
| And I was like, how the fuck do you think you could just get by with that crazy signature? | ||
| But he... | ||
| But why would you? | ||
| Don't you... | ||
| He's a guy who wanted to simplify his life. | ||
| He's a very smart guy. | ||
| And he decided to simplify his life. | ||
| That's how he did it. | ||
| He's like, oh, I don't want this crazy signature. | ||
| You make me sign things? | ||
| I think signing things is stupid, so I'll just do that. | ||
| That's my signature. | ||
| He wrote it on everything. | ||
| But he thought he was slick. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Doctor's prescription. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Why don't you just give me a bullet? | ||
| Shoot me right in the fucking head. | ||
| This is crazy! | ||
| Reading that is insane. | ||
| Like, no one can read that. | ||
| I bet he can't even read that. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| 7,000 people annually die from bad handwriting. | ||
| It used to be way worse, though. | ||
| This is 2006. Yeah. | ||
| Okay, so that's probably what it is. | ||
| They figured out, all right, how much is it costing us in lawsuits and publicity? | ||
|
unidentified
|
14 billion. | |
| How much have we made in the last two years, sir? | ||
| That would be 50 trillion. | ||
| All right, then this is not a battle, then. | ||
| It's worth the overdoses, please. | ||
| Talking about pennies. | ||
| I think doctors should work maximum four hours a day, unless they have to do surgery. | ||
| They should be well rested and taken care of, and there should be more of them. | ||
| And let me ask you this, Jamie. | ||
| How many people die from malpractice? | ||
| Guess this. | ||
| Let's guess this. | ||
| I say... | ||
| A day? | ||
| A year? | ||
| A year. | ||
| How many a year? | ||
| Malpractice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just fuck-ups. | ||
| Just mistakes, accidents. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um... | |
| I'm gonna say, like, two million. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What?! | |
| That's way too high. | ||
| I was gonna say 30 grand! | ||
| I was gonna say 30! | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| Mine's a slaying! | ||
| It's a fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
A manslaughter! | |
| Mine's a complete manslaughter! | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's just crocodiles running across the land like fucking fields of buffalo. | |
| Chop, chop, chop. | ||
| Take it out. | ||
| 98,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Yeah, I was off by a little bit. | ||
| Holy year. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| This is 15 years ago, though. | ||
| So this is 2009. They did this. | ||
| You would think it'd be 10 times better today, though, no? | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| So the number should be like 20. It's still crazy. | ||
| Maybe 15. That's a nutty number, man. | ||
| 98,000 people die. | ||
| Is that just America? | ||
| Due to errors. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Check out this mistake that was made on a prescription. | ||
| Can you guess what that says? | ||
| Methadone? | ||
| Methadone. | ||
| Yeah, no, it says methadate, which is, this is for a child. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Where's the T? Yeah, there's no T. This is supposed to be the T. Oh my god. | |
| And so a child got methadone? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And died? | ||
| Yeah, I'm pretty sure. | ||
| I just lost it. | ||
| I don't even want to hear it. | ||
| And think of that, you're the one. | ||
| It's an ADHD medicine. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| I think of this. | ||
| Well, you know, that's fucking crazy anyway. | ||
| Giving that shit to a kid. | ||
| You gave that to your kid and trusted. | ||
| And the kid's like, I don't want it. | ||
| I don't want it. | ||
| Trust me, honey. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You need it. | |
| You saw the man with the coat. | ||
| The man with the lab coat tells you that you need this. | ||
| This is going to make you popular in school. | ||
| And you saw the kids at the Rite Aid counter. | ||
| They're very trustworthy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You interrupt in class because you've got something wrong with your brain. | |
| The doctor's going to fix it. | ||
| This test shows that and proves that. | ||
| This test shows right here there's something wrong in your little second grade brain. | ||
| Sweetie, it's in a clipboard. | ||
| It's right. | ||
| It's believable and here's the best part. | ||
| We're covered for it. | ||
| We're covered for this insurance. | ||
| Honey, are we covered for the kid? | ||
| The kid? | ||
| Is everything covered? | ||
| They're covered for everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, beautiful. | |
| Thank you for having this job and support us, Carl. | ||
| Methadone. | ||
| Hmm, what's methadone? | ||
| Guess it's good. | ||
| Guess it's gonna help him. | ||
| Methadone. | ||
| Now, I'm researching this, Bob, and it says this could kill you and this should never be given to children. | ||
| What about the days before Google? | ||
| When your doctor could give you some advice and you had no idea whether or not it was the right advice or not. | ||
| But how about even trusting this scenario? | ||
| When you look it up and it fiercely says, don't give this, and you go, well, it was the doctor who said that I should. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| How crazy is that? | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| And the idea that you can't even make a T, you lazy cunt. | ||
| You're writing a prescription for a fucking kid and you can't even cross a T? For a child. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| What is this kid named? | ||
| Heroin. | ||
| While she's checking her phone. | ||
| He's thinking about some new Jaguar he's going to buy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Going to buy a vacation home this summer after all my surgery money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can hear the noise coming out of my muffler. | |
| I'll get a new gal. | ||
| I'm successful. | ||
| Perhaps I should smoke a pipe while I'm driving around my Jaguar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Give me one of them so sophisticated. | |
| English hats that had like beaks on both sides. | ||
| Try to bring you down. | ||
| You grew up in the Bronx! | ||
| Stop putting on airs! | ||
| Shut up, peasant. | ||
| I've elevated my status. | ||
| I still feel status is elevated. | ||
| Driving around. | ||
| Smoking my pipe. | ||
| You gotta be a classy bitch to drive around with a pipe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right? | |
| Yes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you like to come in my yard and see the new zebra and giraffe I just purchased? | |
| That face! | ||
| I'm just thinking if this is my neighbor, I'll be like, fuck. | ||
| I should probably just humor this guy and go see a zebra just so he doesn't hate me. | ||
| I don't want to live next to this crazy fucking zoo owner. | ||
| He's going to make some poisonous snake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You mocked me for my zebra and giraffe, and now the poisonous snake is in your rear. | |
| Strange. | ||
| We could have been friends. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This damn giraffe just ate all your bushes, Claire. | |
| I've had it with this fucking zookeeper. | ||
| Fucking zookeeper. | ||
| Imagine your next-door neighbor is a goddamn zookeeper. | ||
| What the fuck, man? | ||
| This is what you hear at night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking noises. | |
| *Groans* *Groans* *Groans* *Groans* *Groans* The fucking... the beast. | ||
| The beast noises. | ||
| They're the worst. | ||
| Imagine you're in your Land Rover Defender, trying to get away from the encampment. | ||
| You're driving away and you get a flat. | ||
| And you're like, what should we do? | ||
| Well, we should definitely wait until the morning. | ||
| We can't see. | ||
| I don't have a light. | ||
| We can't see. | ||
| I can't change it. | ||
| And then, as you're sleeping in that fucking Land Rover, you hear... | ||
| And you look out there, there's 30 of them with their paws on the fucking hood. | ||
| And you hear way, way, way in the distance. | ||
| Way in the distance! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that sound. | |
| Oh! | ||
| They're all running. | ||
| This guy's explaining to me, elephants, why they kill elephants. | ||
| He's like, it's not just that people want to go over and trophy hunt these things. | ||
| Sometimes the elephants will move into a village, and these farmers, they have these plots of food for the village, and that's all they have. | ||
| And these elephants move in and just eat everything. | ||
| It's not a goddamn thing they can do. | ||
| There's nothing you can do. | ||
| Nothing they can do. | ||
| A dinosaur just came in, and it's the way he's been living forever, and he's gonna throw a spear. | ||
| Maybe there's three of them, or four of them. | ||
| They're coming from every angle now. | ||
| What the fuck are you gonna do? | ||
| And so you have all these vegetables that you're growing for your family, and you're fucked. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How long did it take you to build this fucking hut? | |
| Gone in ten seconds. | ||
| They just jack you. | ||
| And if they think you're a threat in any way, they just eliminate that threat. | ||
| Just go pick you up and throw you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Go ahead, get your spear. | ||
| Did you see where your little friend just landed? | ||
| Yeah, because I was arguing. | ||
| I was like, why would they ever need to kill an elephant? | ||
| Like, you don't ever need to kill an elephant. | ||
| And the guy was like, actually, here's what goes on. | ||
| And I was like, oh. | ||
| So they hire people to go and kill the elephant. | ||
| Or they'll give someone a permit to kill the elephant, and then that person pays. | ||
| Like 50,000 bucks or something like that, and they'll come and kill the elephant. | ||
| So some guy like that, those hunters, the fake hunters from that thing, they'll pose with it and show the ivory and everything like that, and then they give all the meat to the village, and then the village gets 50 grand. | ||
| We got charged when I was in Africa, and the guy was like, listen, they'll charge, but it's always to spook you. | ||
| And my nine-year-old... | ||
| It's in the Jeep in front of us with another kid and whatever and we were by a herd and this thing turned around and then The one we thought was going to charge, a different one charged. | ||
| They called it a teenager. | ||
| It ran and went right for my kid's Jeep, hit the Jeep, and then pushed it about 10 feet. | ||
| And I went through everything where it's going to knock over the vehicle and then just start smushing. | ||
| And this guy got out of the van and he starts clapping. | ||
| He's clapping. | ||
| And the thing kind of stopped and shook his head and then went back off. | ||
| It was those things... | ||
| I can't imagine living there and just what you said, because just that flash where the kid was just in a Jeep. | ||
| There was no stopping us. | ||
| This thing, once it started moving, there was no worry. | ||
| Okay, you have like two seconds to react. | ||
| There is no, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming! | ||
| He was far away and within seconds, he was on it and I watched in shock. | ||
| So they just don't want people driving through, is that what it is? | ||
| They're animals of territory. | ||
| And they also, they've seen, they've probably seen hunters, so they associate now with jeeps. | ||
| It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, is this thing going to shoot us? | ||
| Well, I don't care, but I lost my brother. | ||
| I'm taking it out. | ||
| They have crazy memories, apparently. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Isn't that the vehicle that came when we were at the watering hole and he sliced my... | ||
| Get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Get it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get it. | |
| You know, I don't see myself going over there. | ||
| Nah, I think you'd like it. | ||
| I'm being serious. | ||
| You were on a fucking spear hunt. | ||
| Yeah, but it was awesome. | ||
| Stay back. | ||
| I think about that now. | ||
| I go wish I'm crazy. | ||
| I hear behind you. | ||
| Hon, you alright? | ||
| Fucking cobra. | ||
| See, I didn't even think about stuff like that. | ||
| What the heck was I thinking? | ||
| Some cobra. | ||
| Bouncing or funny. | ||
| The moon's out, so I can't really tell what it is. | ||
| Imagine how fucked up you have to be. | ||
| To be a cobra. | ||
| You're growing poison in your head and you shoot it out of your teeth. | ||
| You bite people and inject them. | ||
| You're literally a walking needle. | ||
| You're a needle. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You're a walking overdose needle. | ||
| A poison needle. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Poison needle. | ||
| And some of them, you're just 100% death. | ||
| Some of them, it's 100%. | ||
| Not enough people get bitten to make enough anti-venom, you're never gonna get it. | ||
| You're never gonna get it in time. | ||
| Yeah, who's carrying that? | ||
| Yeah, you gotta carry it with you everywhere? | ||
| It only lasts a little while. | ||
| Who's carrying that? | ||
| You gotta keep making it. | ||
| They make it with horses, too. | ||
| Did you know that? | ||
| What? | ||
| Like rattlesnake venom, anti-venom. | ||
| They shoot horses up with it. | ||
| They take a rattlesnake, they inject rattlesnake venom in the horse, the horse collects the antibodies, produces antibodies, and they take those antibodies out, and that's like the serum that they use. | ||
| Really? | ||
| At least they used to do it that way. | ||
| Pretty sure they still do, though. | ||
| I know it's an issue for vegans, because if vegans don't want to use any animal products, and they get bitten by a snake, like, they have to compromise. | ||
| There has to be some... | ||
|
unidentified
|
There has to be some compromise here. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't get all that. | ||
| I get it, but I don't get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| They want to be nice. | ||
| They want to be righteous. | ||
| They want to be a good person. | ||
| Is it nice? | ||
| Is it the fight for... | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| ...just cruelty in general? | ||
| I think, ultimately, cruelty's terrible. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Our real problem is factory farming. | ||
| Our real problem is the cruelty to animals. | ||
| It's not eating animals. | ||
| A real problem, I mean, because they're gonna die. | ||
| They're gonna live, they're gonna die, and I know you could say that argument about people, too. | ||
| Why don't you see people then? | ||
| Because people are people, and we're different than cows, okay? | ||
| Yeah, but don't you see that- I can't believe I have to tell you this. | ||
| Listen, we all know this. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is what I always say, we all know all of this. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You can go to a factory and see it, you can go to any factory, anything, chickens, everything you love, right down to plants. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Anything. | ||
| It's all been manufactured. | ||
| Well, now what are you going to do? | ||
| What are you going to do? | ||
| Are you just going to bark? | ||
| Are you going to go down the street with a little sign? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, and these poor chickens are not really grass-fed. | |
| Where at the same time, you're buying the t-shirt to watch the brand new show! | ||
| And who are you going to vote for? | ||
| How many shirts did we buy today, Bob? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Make America great again! | |
| Build a wall! | ||
| Build a wall! | ||
| They're building walls in Wisconsin! | ||
| They're building walls in North Dakota! | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're building walls in half America! | |
| The only way to keep the Mexicans out of each individual state is wall them all off. | ||
| If we wall them all off, we can keep them from getting in. | ||
| Once we find them, we have them walled off in the air, then we get them, we send them to Mexico. | ||
| The only way is not one wall. | ||
| We need 50 walls. | ||
| And a wall over each individual state. | ||
| That way we can contain anyone who causes a problem. | ||
| First we'll start with Mexicans and we'll work our way up to really rude white people. | ||
| If you wear any type of cloth around your head, you shall be prostituted! | ||
| But what about do-rags? | ||
| What if those come back? | ||
| That's why I say that. | ||
| Do-rags all of a sudden become huge! | ||
| We had 14 mishap beheadings today. | ||
| Okay, but there's going to be a racial problem, because do-rags, they might have some pushback on that, but what about the bandana that Bret Michaels from Poison wears? | ||
| That's a tough, that's a gray zone. | ||
| Because he's white. | ||
| It's a gray zone. | ||
| That's white privilege. | ||
| He's a gang. | ||
| He's in a gang. | ||
| He's a rocker. | ||
| Yeah, that's a gang. | ||
| So you need tattoos and you need to sing. | ||
| You need at least one song. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he's got more than one. | ||
| Every rose has its thorn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's wearing the forbidden garb. | |
| He's allowed to. | ||
| He's a rocker. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a rocker. | |
| Beautiful hair. | ||
| Not real. | ||
| Beautiful, though. | ||
| Interesting look. | ||
| Axl Rose, too. | ||
| But Axl Rose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Darn. | |
| Axl Rose can kind of pull it off better for whatever. | ||
| Oh, that's strange. | ||
| It's a strange look. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's his thing though, man. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Maybe it's a good move if you dress like that all the time. | ||
| That way when you take that shit off, nobody recognizes you anywhere you go. | ||
| Maybe that's the move. | ||
| Right? | ||
| That could be. | ||
| That could be the move. | ||
| Wear the bandana. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Beautiful eyes. | |
| Look at them. | ||
| Beautiful, man. | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| You think you put that through like one of them Instagram filters? | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Hey, why are you pulling your pants down, bro? | ||
| Put a fucking shirt on! | ||
| Get a good six-pack, though. | ||
| Didn't know he was so built. | ||
| Alright, enough, Jamie. | ||
| I'm getting hard. | ||
| Let's move on. | ||
| Jim Brewer. | ||
| What are you doing in town, man? | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, now... | |
| But hold on. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I get... | ||
| I get... | ||
| As much as that drives me nuts, and I can tip my hat... | ||
| To him just going, alright, I'm in the system. | ||
| I gotta create my wrestling character. | ||
| Here's my character. | ||
| I live in this system. | ||
| We're all slaves. | ||
| Are we not all slaves to something? | ||
| Do you think he's thinking like that? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| He's probably just making money, man. | ||
| It's good business. | ||
| I just bought a boat. | ||
| He's got a new place in Miami. | ||
| Jeez. | ||
| He doesn't have to worry about nothing. | ||
| What is that picture? | ||
| What's going on there? | ||
| Why does he have lipstick on? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why not? | |
| It worked. | ||
| It worked for a while. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| They all were glammed up. | ||
| Remember the early Guns N' Roses, even, he was glammed up. | ||
| They were very glammed up. | ||
| Teased up hair. | ||
| Remember? | ||
| People forget that. | ||
| No, they were a hairband. | ||
| Remember Welcome to the Jungle? | ||
| Remember the video for that? | ||
| Full-blown hair. | ||
| He had that almost like Afro look at that. | ||
| When he landed... | ||
| When he landed in LA, remember? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Look at this hair! | ||
| Look at this hair! | ||
| Yeah, makeup. | ||
| There's eyeliner. | ||
| Is that eyeliner or is it... | ||
| No, that's a shadow. | ||
| They're beautiful. | ||
| It's just natural. | ||
| Natural beauty. | ||
| They were the baddest motherfuckers at the time. | ||
| Crazy how hard that was for them to handle. | ||
| That was a wild, quick-ass ride. | ||
| It's interesting to see them touring again now. | ||
| You know, they did Coachella. | ||
| I saw some videos of it. | ||
| Looked wild. | ||
| Sitting out there, he had a broken foot, so he was doing all his dancing from a chair. | ||
| Did you see it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your fucking rock stars are getting old. | ||
| They're dancing from a chair. | ||
| They're doing like the chair wiggle. | ||
| I felt like I went to professional wrestling when I was 10. And it was Andre the Giant was the ref. | ||
| And I already bought my shirts. | ||
| It was Bob Backlund against Dusty Rose, the American Dream. | ||
| And I noticed they weren't hitting each other. | ||
| And then I noticed they were stomping their foots every time they elbowed. | ||
| And then I saw Andre the Giant take a chair and not really hit him, and I was shattered. | ||
| You saw it in real life. | ||
| And I went, oh no! | ||
| This is all just a show? | ||
| How does that happen? | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| He's got a foot brace. | ||
| Keith Richards would have shot himself up with heroin and danced like a fucking man. | ||
| I bet Keith Richards has never done a show from a chair. | ||
| But don't you think this is... | ||
| Don't you think... | ||
| It's fake? | ||
| Not only that, but it's freaking brilliant. | ||
| It's brilliant? | ||
| I think he hurt his leg. | ||
| I think that's all it is. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It's just the whole thing there. | ||
| Like, who talked to him like, you want... | ||
| This is... | ||
| They're going to make $50 billion. | ||
| Whatever they're going to... | ||
| $50 billion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This was the top grossing ever. | |
| Historic. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| You'll never beat it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's how much money we all care for below having. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| They brought him a fuckload of money. | ||
| That's how they got Axl to lay off the Botox and get in the chair. | ||
| Dude, you got a chair for you? | ||
| You got a fucking cast? | ||
| Don't worry about it, dude. | ||
| You can't dance anymore. | ||
| You hurt your foot. | ||
| Of course you can't dance. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wink. | |
| They probably saw him dance. | ||
| He's so fat and fucked up. | ||
| Now they probably broke his leg. | ||
| They probably came at him with a baseball bat. | ||
| The promoter's like, I got a fucking plan! | ||
| Crack! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You fucking fat junkie! | |
| You're gonna do this from a chair! | ||
| Put a cast on him! | ||
| Put him in the fucking chair! | ||
| Imagine. | ||
| Yeah, they just broke his leg because he was so fat. | ||
| He showed up. | ||
| He showed up so fat, they got mad. | ||
| Fuck, come over here! | ||
| There's only one way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We gotta hurt him. | |
| What? | ||
| Why you gotta hurt him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow! | |
| Because we can't have him fucking dancing with his gut hanging out. | ||
| Just sit him down in the fucking chair, put a cast on him. | ||
| Didn't Dave Grohl break his leg while he was performing? | ||
| Yeah, I think, and that's his throne he was using. | ||
| That was his throne, right. | ||
| Yeah, because he had like a left leg injury. | ||
| So Axl just borrowed his left leg injury chair. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Or is it a right leg? | ||
| It's reversed in both images. | ||
| Oh, Dave had a right leg injury. | ||
| Axl at a left. | ||
| That's pretty gangster. | ||
| Get your fucking foot taped up. | ||
| Did he fall off the stage or something? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ. | |
| I liked it. | ||
| He's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Foo Fighters are awesome, man. | ||
| You know, that guy went through Nirvana. | ||
| I'd like to sit him down and see what he thinks about that Courtney Love documentary. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| Talk to someone. | ||
| I think we can maybe get in touch with them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Interesting. | |
| That would be cool. | ||
| What is the Courtney Love thing? | ||
| Oh, there's some crazy documentary that thinks that Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain. | ||
| Have you seen that? | ||
| What's it called? | ||
| That one is soaked in bleach. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's got reenactments, too. | ||
| It's super sketchy. | ||
| Oh, it's a reenactment? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was super sketchy. | ||
| Whenever you have reenactments, you're like, what? | ||
| And the guy who's a reenactor is like the actor from, I think, Thinner. | ||
| From the movie Thinner with Stephen King. | ||
| He's like a semi-famous actor. | ||
| Is that who it is? | ||
| Is it the same guy? | ||
| It's all in the documentary? | ||
| Yeah, he plays the cop in the reenactments, and it's like, okay. | ||
| That's the guy who plays Kurt, but there's a guy who plays the detective. | ||
| It's a weird documentary, because it's like, man, you can say anything you want in a documentary if you use a bunch of reenactments, and you're pretending that you were there while this happened, but... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You see my white coat. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| It's a documentary. | ||
| It's true if I say documentary. | ||
| We have a script. | ||
| We have a storyboard. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's reality, which means it is real. | |
| We're shooting it in 4K. You get to wear the goggles and everything. | ||
| You'll be part of the system. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That will come out very soon. | |
| Don't tell him our secrets. | ||
| Sorry! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jim Brewer. | |
| So, we've got to end this, and then we're going to come back, and Jim Brewer is going to stay with me as we talk to the great Russell Brand. | ||
| That will be next. | ||
| We're going to do the Jim and Joe show. | ||
| It's about time. | ||
| We should have done this years ago. | ||
| Joe, this was cool. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| We're going to keep doing it. | ||
| It was cool. | ||
| I'm fucking so happy you're here, man. | ||
| I'm having a great goddamn time. | ||
| I'm happy too. | ||
| We'll be back with Russell Brand in a little bit. |
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