April 13, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
01:48:50
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Before we even get started, I gotta give a shout out to this dude, Aaron. | ||
| Where is it? | ||
| Where's the, uh, not that, but he gave us that, but the other thing, the white snake. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| Here it is. | ||
| I told a story a long time ago about a car accident I got into when I had an older girlfriend who used to tell me what to do. | ||
| She's pretty hot though. | ||
| Stephanie, how are you? | ||
| And she made me throw away this Whitesnake cassette after the car accident. | ||
| I had a little box of cassettes in my car and she said, throw that out. | ||
| And I fucking listened to her. | ||
| What? | ||
| So if you're in that situation right now where you're in a relationship and the person you're with tells you what to do, and you go, fuck, man, I'm that bitch. | ||
| Well, I was that bitch once, too. | ||
| And I was bummed out, man, that I fucking threw out this Whitesnake CD. Well, it was a cassette. | ||
| Cassette, rather. | ||
| I didn't even have a CD player then. | ||
| When did CDs come out officially? | ||
| 90, 80... | ||
| I feel like we've done this before. | ||
| We've tried to figure this out before. | ||
| We just don't... | ||
| It's just not worthy enough. | ||
| Somewhere in the 80s, right? | ||
| Yeah, early or late 80s, I would say. | ||
| Because I got my first one in... | ||
| I remember for my birthday when I was like 16 or something like that. | ||
| 17. So this had to be 88, because I know that after I broke up with her, I started fighting again. | ||
| I took like a break, we broke up, and then I had three more fights after I dated her. | ||
| Like kickboxing fights. | ||
| So I remember the year. | ||
| So it had to be 88, which was a lot. | ||
| 88 or 89. But fucking, I love this cassette. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So that was like a real moment of, for me, you know, there's moments when you have in relationships where you go, fuck, I can't be this guy. | ||
| I can't just let someone tell me what to do and someone trying to change me. | ||
| Like, she was a very smart girl and she was older than me. | ||
| Like, she was 25 and I was 21. And I remember, you know, she was just smarter than me. | ||
| Certainly at the time, more worldly than me. | ||
| And, uh, I just fucking listened to her. | ||
| It's not good, man. | ||
| Don't you hate when you see your friends in those situations, though? | ||
| Like, you see the friends that always fight every week, and they're always breaking up, and they're, it's... | ||
| Yeah, it's awful. | ||
| In her defense, I was a fucking idiot. | ||
| In her defense. | ||
| So, she was trying to shape me up. | ||
| You know, it was interesting, like, you know when I knew, I couldn't hang out with her anymore. | ||
| There was an incident at a comedy club that I've told before. | ||
| I don't want to repeat it again because the person that I talked about, I talked about it in the Jamie Kilstein podcast. | ||
| The person I was talking about is completely delusional in their perception of these events. | ||
| I don't want to even rehash who the original person was that I got in this dispute with. | ||
| But I wound up walking off the stage because I was disgusted by how this professional comedian was censoring people at an open mic night. | ||
| Stephanie, who's, by the way, awesome. | ||
| Never anything but awesome. | ||
| She's a very cool person. | ||
| So I never hated her or anything. | ||
| But she, you know, she pulled me aside and she like, kind of like lectured me. | ||
| She's like, look, if you want to do this, if you want to do this, then you have to really do it. | ||
| You can't walk off stage like that. | ||
| That's completely unprofessional. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm not a professional. | ||
| I'm like, I'm an amateur. | ||
| Like, yeah, it's unprofessional. | ||
| I'm trying to learn how to do it. | ||
| And then I realized like, that's not how you talk to people that are in your life. | ||
| That if you don't like what they're doing, there's got to be a better way of approaching it than that. | ||
| Her way of approaching it was from like a mother perspective, like an authoritative perspective. | ||
| You know, it was weird. | ||
| It was a weird relationship in that respect. | ||
| And when you see those relationships, the problem is, I don't want to generalize, but oftentimes in relationships, the dynamic that the relationship begins with is the dynamic the relationship sticks with. | ||
| And if you get stuck in a relationship where one person is telling you what to do, it very rarely goes back the other way. | ||
| And then you tell them what to do and then they listen. | ||
| It never does. | ||
| It's like you develop like a chief And the rest of the Indians, you know, there's a captain, and then there's the sailors. | ||
| And it's just the way it is, man. | ||
| I don't know why, but with her, like, early on, she assumed the role of the one who was, like, dictating what was okay and not okay, what kind of music I should like, how I should dress. | ||
| It's real weird, man. | ||
| But again, she wasn't a bad person. | ||
| She was a 25-year-old girl dating a 21-year-old guy who was crazy. | ||
| And, you know, when girls are 25, they're like, okay, what am I doing? | ||
| Am I going to marry this guy? | ||
| Am I going to have kids with this fucking idiot? | ||
| Like, I got to shape him up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got to get him to stop listening to Whitesnake. | |
| I mean, I think I do that almost every relationship, though. | ||
| Like, oh, yeah, she, you know, she does this. | ||
| And coincidentally, you often date, always date girls younger than you. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, definitely. | ||
| Always and never fixable. | ||
| Like, as hard as I try, not that fixable. | ||
| 21 to 25 doesn't seem that old, like for a guy to a girl. | ||
| Again, I don't like to generalize, but I definitely think that girls mature quicker than guys. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I think that's common knowledge, right? | ||
| Well, I've been trying to figure out why. | ||
| I've been trying to figure out what it is. | ||
| Periods, man. | ||
| No, I think it's ego. | ||
| I think it's ego. | ||
| I think men have spent so much time... | ||
| Coddling the male ego, worrying about this fucking guy, I'll fucking kick this guy's ass, you know, I'll fuck that guy up. | ||
| Like, posturing and presenting themselves, like, especially when they're really young, as something better than they actually are. | ||
| It's like a big part of being a young man. | ||
| Until you realize, somewhere around your 30s, I guess, that nobody buys that. | ||
| Like, nobody buys that. | ||
| When you're posturing and you're pretending to be someone other than you are, you're giving yourself some sort of weird comfort or trying to, but it's like sucking your thumb. | ||
| It's not really effective. | ||
| It's not really doing anything. | ||
| Women don't have that. | ||
| They don't have the I'll kick your ass. | ||
| They don't have this guy. | ||
| What does this guy think he's going to fuck my wife? | ||
| What does this guy think he's going to take my job? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What does this guy think he's going to fucking move in next to me and put up a fucking fence in front of my fuck? | |
| That's my fucking... | ||
| Men get this weird thing, man. | ||
| Male thing. | ||
| And women don't get that thing. | ||
| They get different. | ||
| They get bitch things. | ||
| They get their own thing. | ||
| They bitch at each other. | ||
| But it's not nearly as physical for the most part. | ||
| It's much more likely that two men are going to throw bones than two girls. | ||
| When two girls fight, it's like, holy shit. | ||
| They went for it. | ||
| They're physically trying to claw each other's eyes out. | ||
| Usually, at least one of them is out of their fucking minds. | ||
| If you get two girls, obviously I'm not talking about martial arts competition, but if you get two girls involved in a street fight, at least one of them is out of their fucking mind. | ||
| Those are the best. | ||
| Like two sane dudes under the right conditions with alcohol involved could beat the shit out of each other. | ||
| It's very possible. | ||
| Very possible, especially with alcohol involved. | ||
| But two girls pulling hair and... | ||
| I would venture the vast majority of women out there have never been in a fistfight. | ||
| The vast majority. | ||
| 80%. | ||
| Yeah, I think that's a good number. | ||
| I think 80% is a good number. | ||
| Probably not, right? | ||
| I think they have different things going on. | ||
| Even if they want to be respected... | ||
| They want to be appreciated. | ||
| It's not the same as like the male thing. | ||
| The male wanting to be respected, especially young men. | ||
| It's very difficult to get over just the natural monkey instincts that boys have. | ||
| Just those natural monkey instincts. | ||
| They're so goddamn distracting that I think it's maybe this is just the theory not even biologically why women mature In general, faster than men. | ||
| It might just be the lack of the struggle with that male ego. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Brian? | ||
| Any thoughts on the matter? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you ever have male instincts to bite a girl's neck when you're having sex with her? | ||
| It seems like you'd be somebody that would be like a neck biter. | ||
| You'd be really into it. | ||
| I do not want you beaten off thinking about how I fuck. | ||
| So I will stop this conversation right here. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's different with different girls, right? | ||
| Isn't it? | ||
| With different girls you've dated? | ||
| Some girls like to get choked. | ||
| They just do. | ||
| I hate all that. | ||
| When a girl tells me to slap them or choke them, that's the worst. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I'm not going to beat you up. | ||
| You're going to have to get that from somebody else. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You're gonna have to call Ari. | ||
| Do you think the daddy thing, there's something there when girls are like, fuck me harder, daddy, when it's the whole daddy thing, do you think there's something to it? | ||
| It's a dirty thing. | ||
| Yeah, it's dirty. | ||
| They don't mean their dad. | ||
| They mean they want you to be their daddy in that moment. | ||
| Not even like a father, but like the daddy that's giving the dick. | ||
| You know, they don't even think it's like a different word. | ||
| It's a different use of the word daddy. | ||
| You know, it doesn't mean the same thing. | ||
| It's like when you call someone captain. | ||
| What's up, captain? | ||
| Right. | ||
| You don't really think that guy has a boat. | ||
| But what if they're... | ||
| You follow me? | ||
| Yeah, I totally know. | ||
| But this one girl says it as a kid, though, and she doesn't talk like a kid in any other times except when she's having sex. | ||
| And she's like, oh, daddy. | ||
| She regresses into like... | ||
| That's intolerable. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, if she's dating you, yeah, I would assume some dark shit happened. | ||
| Yeah, but see, I go deeper in it. | ||
| I was like, yeah, you like daddy's dick, don't you? | ||
| Are you late for school? | ||
| You know, things like that. | ||
| Do you do that while you're fucking her? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, just to see- Are you late for school? | |
| I mean like I'm going to try to go down that path if she brings it up I'll see if she plays along if she plays along it's like fun It's like trying to learn more about this person that I'm fucking You know it's even more disturbing saying are you late for school because that means morning sex like the dad doesn't even have the excuse of being drunk The guy just waves out past his coffee and fucks his daughter. | ||
| That is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you do your homework? | ||
| Yeah, you need to find better people. | ||
| But, you know, you gotta work on yourself. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Get your own shit in order and you'll attract people. | ||
| I don't make a noise. | ||
| I just don't... | ||
| Just breathe? | ||
| I slobber in their hair and I don't do anything. | ||
| Do you still take those pills? | ||
| You know, I stopped when I started stripping. | ||
| We should explain. | ||
| Boner pills. | ||
| The gas station boner pills. | ||
| Gas station boner pills specifically. | ||
| Brian has some gas stations picked out in the valley that he travels to that have Chinese drugs in them that make your dick a totem pole. | ||
| Yeah, and they're very sketchy. | ||
| You can go to FDA.gov and see all the ingredients and all the ones they've tested. | ||
| But I stopped doing it when I started tripping. | ||
| I actually saw visuals. | ||
| I think I've talked about it on this. | ||
| But recently, they've had new packaging where they're like holograms and they're awesome packaging. | ||
| Like it's a horse running or like Black Stallion is a good one. | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| How much do you think it would cost us to randomly test the gas station pills that you take and then read the results on the air? | ||
| Do you have some right now that you've saved? | ||
| Just packaging in my car. | ||
| I have about 30 different ones in my car. | ||
| But you have the packages? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Set aside one package of each one that you really enjoy. | ||
| Black Stallion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right now. | ||
| I want to set these aside and I want to see how much it costs. | ||
| I'll go through the UFC labs, whatever they use. | ||
| I think they use... | ||
| The Nevada State Athletic Commission I think uses Quest Diagnostics, but they test blood. | ||
| They test blood and urine. | ||
| We can't do that, but we'll find out a place where we could send it to a lab to get the contents analyzed. | ||
| That's what the FDA has done, though. | ||
| Well, Onnit's done it, so I'll just use whatever guys Onnit's done. | ||
| But FDA has done it for these ones that you're taking. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| But do you think they're consistent? | ||
| Like, they're not the same every week. | ||
| No, they change... | ||
| You can tell they change their ingredients sometimes. | ||
| Like, I had one burst open my mouth the other day, and it tasted like tea. | ||
| But I've had it before where it burst open my mouth, and it tasted like pills. | ||
| You know, like inside of a pill. | ||
| Like a chemical? | ||
| Yeah, so the... | ||
| They're all powder inside? | ||
| Some of them are powder. | ||
| The one that I had the other day was like a tea, almost like weed inside. | ||
| But are any of them gels? | ||
| No, they all seem to be like a powder inside. | ||
| But these new ones, the latest one, Black Stallion, where it has a hologram of a horse running, that one, legit, four days of boner solid. | ||
| And I was really studying it the other day, because it's just like every single pocket of... | ||
| Shit on your dick is just full. | ||
| It's swollen. | ||
| It's hard though. | ||
| It feels uncomfortable. | ||
| It doesn't feel like your normal dick where it's like, oh, this is comfortable. | ||
| It's probably just a super high dose of Viagra. | ||
| I don't think it's Viagra anymore. | ||
| I think it used to be. | ||
| I don't think this is Viagra. | ||
| I think this is some kind of reaction because it's like my dick is swollen up. | ||
| Like, it got bit by a snake. | ||
| It's powerful though, man. | ||
| And girls can tell immediately, like, holy shit, you're killing me here. | ||
| So, but when you're taking this stuff, does it go down? | ||
| Or do you have to deal with a hard dick for hours afterwards? | ||
| No, it's just on-call. | ||
| It's ready to rock. | ||
| Yeah, but when you wake up in the morning... | ||
| On-call is a great way to put it. | ||
| But when you wake up in the morning, a lot of times it's like pee plus that. | ||
| If you fuck a girl in the morning with a pee-boner mixed with that at the same time, she's dead. | ||
| Oh, poor girl. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Poor lady. | ||
| Why am I talking about this? | ||
| Because it's hilarious, man. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| It's so weird that I do it, though. | ||
| And it's only like if I'm with a new girl, I'll be like, you know what? | ||
| I'm going to really impress her tonight with this thick snake venom dick. | ||
| And roses? | ||
| No, just that. | ||
| Yeah, you don't want to set too high a standard. | ||
| What's embarrassing, though, is I collect them, and it looks like a crazy person if you go in my car right now. | ||
| And if I pulled out all the ones I had in my car, it looks like I'm crazy. | ||
| Isn't it funny that crazy people will say, if you didn't know me, you think I'm crazy? | ||
| Isn't that funny? | ||
| That's a funny thing people do. | ||
| You would think I was crazy if you paid attention to everything I do and everything I said. | ||
| Ha ha ha ha ha! | ||
| But if we could test them within a reasonable financial range, we should totally, if it costs a couple grand or something. | ||
| FDA, though, really has gone through a lot of it. | ||
| Most of it, though, has been steroids. | ||
| Like, a lot of them have had small amounts of steroids in it. | ||
| Well, I was wondering when you were saying that you hallucinated if it was bath salts. | ||
| Dude, I had to do a set. | ||
| I was in Tempe Improv, or no, Stand Up Live in Arizona. | ||
| I took some before then, and I was with Tony Hinchcliffe, and I was telling Tony, I was like, man, I don't know if I can go on stage. | ||
| I am seeing trails right now. | ||
| I had to go on stage tripping, and I talked about it on stage. | ||
| I'm sorry if I'm crazy right now. | ||
| You guys are all swirls and stuff like that. | ||
| But that's how bad it was. | ||
| I couldn't see shit. | ||
| So that's when I kind of stopped my... | ||
| Fun hobby. | ||
| Damn, dude. | ||
| That's so dangerous. | ||
| You're just rolling the dice that these people in this gas station laboratory are not going to kill you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what's crazy, a couple of them are like, I tried to find more information about the companies that make it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, good luck. | |
| They don't exist. | ||
| Shadow governments in the Philippines. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, this is my question. | ||
| Like, they have an ingredients, like it say, like you look at the package, it says what's in there. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, it does. | ||
| It does, but you can tell it's not what it is. | ||
| What does it say on the package? | ||
| Should I run to my car real quick and get a couple? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Go get one. | ||
| We're gonna talk shit about you while you're gone. | ||
| He's so ridiculous. | ||
| Do you know anybody else that takes those things? | ||
| No. | ||
| I've taken something, not like boner pill, but I remember taking a bumblebee or black, something like that. | ||
| It's like a caffeine pill. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Before I go on stage, me and my friends, we would take them, like, jack ourselves up before a concert. | ||
| We feel like we're going to have a heart attack. | ||
| Yeah, like, um, it was probably like rip fuel, like that kind of stuff, a FEDRA or something like that. | ||
| But it was bad for us too, we knew. | ||
| Those were horrible for you, but, see, those things at least other people were taking them. | ||
| Who the fuck do you know that's taking, he's a pioneer in gas station boner pills. | ||
| I mean, the dudes out there like David Crockett. | ||
| He's setting a standard and he is, uh... | ||
| It's just such a ridiculous thing to want to put in your body when the alternative exists. | ||
| Like, you could go to an actual doctor and say, I have a hard time getting an erection. | ||
| He'll prescribe you Viagra. | ||
| We all know that doesn't kill you. | ||
| Maybe this is the weed of boner pills. | ||
| It's easy to get. | ||
| You can get it anywhere. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| It definitely is that. | ||
| You don't have to go to a doctor. | ||
| Yeah, that's what I mean by that. | ||
| Well, you used to not have to go to doctors for stuff. | ||
| You used to be able to get things through Canadian pharmacies. | ||
| Canadian pharmacies would just send you drugs. | ||
| It was like the big loophole. | ||
| Yeah, how do people get, you can get like that NuVigil stuff. | ||
| You can get free samples online or something I've seen. | ||
| I don't know how you get it. | ||
| Well, yeah, I don't know. | ||
| NuVigil's a little different. | ||
| Maybe one version of it. | ||
| Pro Vigil or New Vigil. | ||
| I know for sure I've read guys posting on message boards saying that they bought that stuff somewhere online. | ||
| I think it was The Underground. | ||
| Yeah, you can buy it from those like weird Indian... | ||
| So that's one of the new ones. | ||
| So this is Rhino 2. This is the one with the hologram. | ||
| You're not going to be able to probably pick that up. | ||
| It's Rhino 11 because it's supposed to be 11 days at last. | ||
| 11 boners? | ||
| Is that real? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's not. | ||
| And it comes in this. | ||
| Look at this capsule it comes in. | ||
| This is just for the pill. | ||
| It's like this weird matrix capsule. | ||
| Oh, dude, how bad are these? | ||
| Meanwhile, look at this. | ||
| It says, this is hilarious. | ||
| It says, platinum 6000. Like as if there's some, like, measuring going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Was there a Platinum 4000? | ||
| I want a Platinum 2000. Yeah, come on. | ||
| Why are you pretending you have any idea? | ||
| These people making these just throwing some shit in a bowl and mixing it up while they're drunk. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck's in there. | ||
| Platinum 6000. Fuck you. | ||
| These are two companies, too, but that both use rhinos. | ||
| Well, why not? | ||
| Why wouldn't you use rhino? | ||
| One is Dr. Rhino and one is Rhino 11. Well, rhino is what those Asian people believe that rhino horns give you erections. | ||
| That's why they've killed so many rhinos. | ||
| The reason why rhino horns are worth so much... | ||
| Have you ever seen a rhino horn? | ||
| It doesn't even make any sense. | ||
| They're just gross. | ||
| It's like hair. | ||
| It's a giant, hard, like, piece of fingernail or hair. | ||
| Whereas, like, if you look at elephant tusks, you go, wow, I kind of get it. | ||
| That's beautiful. | ||
| Those are amazing. | ||
| Rhino horns don't look cool. | ||
| They're gross looking. | ||
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| And so they take those things and they make some Chinese medicine that doesn't even work. | ||
| It doesn't even work. | ||
| I mean, that doesn't make your dick hard. | ||
| We have Viagra, and they're still killing rhinos. | ||
| So this actually has ingredients on it, like Chinese daughter seed, asparagus. | ||
| There's asparagus in here. | ||
| Asparagus? | ||
| Why would they put asparagus in here? | ||
| Because they want your pee to smell different, so that you really feel like something's happening. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Or they just put asparagus to make you go, oh, it's healthy. | ||
| It's got asparagus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's probably true. | |
| And then it has none of that in there. | ||
| Maybe both arguments were brought up at the meeting while they were cooking up fucking bathtub meth. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For Rhino 12, let's add some kale. | ||
| The problem is, man, I don't want any fucking gangsters coming at us and trying to kill us because we out what their products are. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Because these products are not being made by above board folks, most likely. | ||
| No, and they constantly are changing their names. | ||
| Like, if you go through my collection of these, I don't know why I keep these, but they're all different names. | ||
| There's not one that's like... | ||
| Well, they have to. | ||
| Aubrey was telling us what happens. | ||
| This is what Aubrey says. | ||
| I'm probably butchering it. | ||
| But Aubrey said that these people make this stuff, they put in Viagra, which they buy from some Chinese manufacturer. | ||
| They take that stuff. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| Modafinil? | ||
| Is that what it's called? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Okay, so they buy that stuff in bulk, and then they sell it for much more than it would be if they sold it. | ||
| And, like, if you sell a prescription for, like, 100 pills, it would be X amount of dollars. | ||
| But if you can stuff it into two gas station bullshit pills and sell each one for 10 bucks, like, how much does a Rhino 2 cost? | ||
| Well, these new ones with the holograms are, like, $14. | ||
| But they don't last 11 days, but they definitely last a week. | ||
| But if that was... | ||
| There's only two pills. | ||
| If that was a bottle of Viagra... | ||
| I mean, $14. | ||
| It wouldn't be two pills for $14. | ||
| They'd probably make like 100% more. | ||
| And Viagra is bitch compared to this. | ||
| This will beat the shit out of Viagra. | ||
| Viagra is cool, but it lasts a couple hours. | ||
| It just makes you have a boner, kind of. | ||
| But this is like, no, you got bit by a snake boner for a while. | ||
| Yeah, I would like to try it, but it's not worth it. | ||
| I'm going to get you one of the best ones. | ||
| I'm not going to do it. | ||
| I found a review of someone that took Rhino 7. Oh, this one right here? | ||
| And he has a breakdown of all the different ingredients and whatnot of it. | ||
| Oh, put that shit up. | ||
| The main ingredient is called Sly Sildenafil, which is the active ingredient in Viagra. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Sildenafil. | ||
| That stuff. | ||
| Look what it says right there. | ||
| Okay, yeah. | ||
| Why did I think it was modafinil? | ||
| Isn't modafinil nuvigil? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Okay, that's it. | ||
| If you go up a little, it says serious side effects like headache, nausea, and blurred vision. | ||
| I had that blurred vision part. | ||
| That's what made me stop. | ||
| These side effects that generally appear when using prescription ED medication. | ||
| It's funny, too, because yet the label specifically makes... | ||
| The claim, no headache. | ||
| That's one of the primary complaints about the supplement. | ||
| All the stuff that was in it. | ||
| Licorice. | ||
| That's what it says was in it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What about what he found was in it? | ||
| Okay, well, let me just read what it says. | ||
| Goji extract, Deng Sen extract, cinnamon bark, blah, blah, blah, licorice. | ||
| Bunch of bullshit. | ||
| Ginseng. | ||
| Okay, so what's actually in it? | ||
| That's really it. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| He didn't test it himself. | ||
| He just looked those up and then did research on all those things and then told you how it worked for him. | ||
| Oh, so did he say it worked? | ||
| He said it worked. | ||
| He said it's fast acting. | ||
| You don't have to remember to take it every day. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Well, there are things that, okay, one thing I can say is I was ROCK HARD, he says in all caps, for like three days on this stuff, which is almost kind of annoying. | ||
| Ah, it depends. | ||
| Imagine having a hard-on when you have to do day-to-day tasks, tucking your boner into your pants and hoping it doesn't just pop out unexpectedly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow. | ||
| So these things really are. | ||
| But see, I thought you were going to send me something where the guy actually tested it to find out what the ingredients are. | ||
| That's what I'm interested in. | ||
| If you go to FDA.gov, you could probably look up a couple of these different ones. | ||
| I don't trust the government. | ||
| They're lying to us about chemtrails. | ||
| They're fucking lying to us about dick pills. | ||
| It definitely makes you a lot hornier. | ||
| It makes you horny. | ||
| I seek out massages. | ||
| I seek out... | ||
| Like, I literally, like, am 100% more hornier when I'm on these, though. | ||
| Like, almost bad. | ||
| Almost bad. | ||
| Now, after you take them, like, the next day, do you feel like shit? | ||
| No. | ||
| Do you feel worn out? | ||
| No. | ||
| There's no, none of that kind of effects. | ||
| Like, I don't get the headaches. | ||
| Are you, like, a spokesperson for Boner Pills? | ||
| No. | ||
| They have a stake in these companies? | ||
| I had an addiction to them, and I spinned out of control with them. | ||
| Why don't they fucking sponsor your podcast? | ||
| I don't want anything to do with them anymore. | ||
| Dude, you need sponsors. | ||
| This should be your first sponsor. | ||
| I think Onnit needs to figure out what's in these things and make their own. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| Probably not a good idea. | ||
| We don't want to be involved in any shady shit. | ||
| Dr. Brian's boner pill? | ||
| It would be a side on it company. | ||
| You could say, I'm not really a doctor, but I play one on the internet. | ||
| You have a fucking stethoscope on... | ||
| This is Dr. Rhino. | ||
| No, just hold on to a dead rhino's horn. | ||
| An actual... | ||
| You know, we can get that special effects guy. | ||
| The guy that did the American Werewolf to make a rhino horn with blood at the bottom of it. | ||
| Like you had just chopped it off. | ||
| Like that. | ||
| Oh, like that. | ||
| And on the other side make it like a helmet, like it looks like a dick on the horn. | ||
| That would be so offensive. | ||
| People would cry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What have you done? | |
| They killed a fucking rhino just for their show. | ||
| Rhinos are beautiful, man. | ||
| It is kind of fucked up that they get killed for that one specific reason, for those horns. | ||
| So weird, man. | ||
| It's just so weird. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| That rhino, even though it looks sad that he got his horns chopped off, he's probably like, dude, my face is a lot lighter now. | ||
| This is way better. | ||
| He doesn't know. | ||
| He's an idiot. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Look at his stupid head. | ||
| Stupid eyelashes. | ||
| He doesn't know shit. | ||
| But did they chop his horn off to save him? | ||
| Is that what they did here? | ||
| Because I know they're doing some weird stuff to save... | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Made for boner. | ||
| Oh, farmed game? | ||
| Armed gang. | ||
| Oh, an armed gang reportedly broke into the game preserve. | ||
| Oh, and then cut the fucking horns off. | ||
| Stole seven rhino horns from a safe. | ||
| Oh, so the photo doesn't represent... | ||
| Is that Photoshop, maybe? | ||
| Looks real. | ||
| Either way. | ||
| They're doing this to elephants. | ||
| They're painting their tusks pink. | ||
| They're dying. | ||
| For breast cancer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| For awareness. | ||
| For awareness. | ||
| I've got to write that down. | ||
| Talk for a second. | ||
| I've got to write something down. | ||
| I've been forgetting and I just remembered. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Hold on one second. | ||
| The rhinos on these boner pills all have their horns though. | ||
| So that's good. | ||
| It is weird that ants and rhinoceroses both supposedly can make boners. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, like ants, like if you grind up these African ants, they can also make boners. | ||
| But rhinoceros horn doesn't work. | ||
| Maybe it does. | ||
| Maybe it does. | ||
| There's so many rhinos all over these things. | ||
| But there's a lot of that Chinese medicine stuff that just doesn't do anything. | ||
| Some of it's gotta work though. | ||
| I mean, they were hit and miss back then when they couldn't do testing. | ||
| You had a hope that you found a guy that was completely legit. | ||
| A guy who really knew how to make magic potions. | ||
| It's essentially what it was. | ||
| When they didn't have any data, no internet, no encyclopedias, no fucking medical books to call upon, those fucking people, there's a lot of guessing going on. | ||
| This is not real. | ||
| It's not real? | ||
| It's like an online thing that kind of went viral. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| But there's still some sort of conservation effort going on, but the pink tusk painting isn't a real thing. | ||
| Okay, so was it a Photoshop thing, or was it a hoax? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Both-ish. | ||
| Reports online regarding elephant tusk being painted pink in an effort to devalue the ivory poachers. | ||
| Listen, man, people would still take it. | ||
| They would go, dude, this is a pink one. | ||
| This is one they tried to save. | ||
| Psyche! | ||
| It is kind of fucked up, man. | ||
| It's just such a weird... | ||
| It's a weird thing that people would do to chop off a part of an animal's face to try to get their dick hard. | ||
| You know, it'd be one thing if there wasn't an alternative. | ||
| Don't you think if it was really awesome you would have heard about it though? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I think it might be something to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Why don't you Google, can rhino horns really give you an erection? | ||
| Or just put rhino boner. | ||
| He won't do it because it's his laptop. | ||
| He's like, I'm not getting on a list. | ||
| You're not going to do this to me. | ||
| I thought, can rhino horn, I'll just even show you what that says. | ||
| Can rhino horn. | ||
| Cure cancer. | ||
| Grow back. | ||
| Regrow. | ||
| Or what can they be used for? | ||
| How about right erection? | ||
| Why are you doing that? | ||
| Erectile dysfunction. | ||
| That's what I'm looking for. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| Dude, if it helped you with erectile dysfunction and cancer... | ||
| Viagra and species protection. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| What was that saying? | ||
| It was speculative? | ||
| Yeah, it's too small. | ||
| What is all speculation so far, but the anti-impotence drug Viagra... | ||
| Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... | ||
| Tiger penises too, I guess, huh? | ||
| Tiger penis is not as good. | ||
| Viagra, Cialis, or powdered rhino horn? | ||
| Which one is the most effective? | ||
| Click on that one. | ||
| Above Top Secret. | ||
| Definitely going to be legit if it's on Above Top Secret, especially if it's in a forum. | ||
| Black helicopters. | ||
| Is it possible in this day and age, 21st century, there's still men out there that honestly believe that powdered horn of an animal that has been butchered sometimes, blah, blah. | ||
| It's had its horns removed by a chainsaw could still be effective cure for erectile dysfunction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Are we really still this backward? | |
| Shouldn't the medical companies that are marketing meds, which are supposed to be temporary cures for this problem, be targeting the men, mainly Oriental, Asian, racist, I am sure, who are directly responsible for the death of so many rhino? | ||
| Rhino. | ||
| Isn't that the way to say it? | ||
| Or rhinos? | ||
| Rhinos. | ||
| But it sounds better, like you're sophisticated. | ||
| Like deer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right. | |
| So many rhino. | ||
| Octopi. | ||
| I'm a fan of octopi. | ||
| I thought that most far eastern countries were actually quite progressive, but they themselves are proving that they are not! | ||
| First of all, fuckface, there's a billion people in China alone. | ||
| One billion. | ||
| There's not that many people chopping off rhino horns. | ||
| If you compare them to the idiots that we have here in America, just by capita, you know, the number of people that are scarfing up rhino horn in Asia versus the number of people here that are chewing on bath salts. | ||
| There's probably way more bath salt people here than rhino horn people there. | ||
| Like, that's a totally racist thing to say, sir, for someone who's so concerned with the health and welfare of these rhino-si. | ||
| This guy's an idiot. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, he's a guy on a forum. | ||
| It's easy to be an idiot on a forum. | ||
| It's easy to be an idiot on a podcast, too. | ||
| It's easy to be an idiot. | ||
| You know, but I just, I don't understand why, like, there's, there seems to be, like, an easy cure for that. | ||
| Like, if you just got them some of that gas station boner pills, they wouldn't want to have anything to do with a rhino horn. | ||
| A rhino horn's worth thousands of fucking dollars. | ||
| Unless there is a little bit of rhino horn in all these. | ||
| Imagine if that's what it was. | ||
| They even made a hologram on this one. | ||
| No shit. | ||
| Imagine if that's what it is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We gotta find out, man. | ||
| I bet we would be a pioneer. | ||
| I'd be the first person to actually do a scientific test on these pills, including the people that made them. | ||
| I bet they never tested shit. | ||
| They don't know what the fuck's in there, probably. | ||
| You know, when we had some of the earlier versions of AlphaBrain, we would run these random tests on them, and we'd find out that there would be B12 in it or something like that, or creatine. | ||
| It wasn't creatine. | ||
| It was B12- I would have to ask Aubrey. | ||
| I'm talking out of my ass. | ||
| But the bottom line was the mixers that they used for our stuff, when they combine all of our stuff, they didn't clean it out. | ||
| So they had whatever was in there before. | ||
| Even though it was just trace, trace them out, they don't give a fuck. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just dump it in there, shake that bag, uh-uh-uh-uh. | |
| Talk, fart, get on the radio, maybe spit in there. | ||
| People are assholes. | ||
| Yeah, it's probably done in a tent also. | ||
| It's probably not a lab, it's probably a tent somewhere. | ||
| Where do you think they make boner pills? | ||
| If you had a Pomona? | ||
| Yeah, this is definitely like Van Nuys. | ||
| Like by the Pomona Raceway? | ||
| Van Nuys. | ||
| This is Van Nuys material. | ||
| I think there's some dudes, they have a trailer right outside the freeway, like under an underpass. | ||
| They're cooking it right in plain sight. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I just want to know the guys that sell these that come into the gas stations, like what those guys, like the salesmen, the boner pills, like number 11. Definitely sunglasses on all the time. | ||
| You don't get to see their eyes. | ||
| Sketchy, loud looking left and looking right. | ||
| Apparently there's a big NPR piece on this. | ||
| No, the NBR people are into getting hard-ons. | ||
| Nice. | ||
| I'm just looking down the whole article right now, but it says, contrary to the popular myth in the West, rhino horn was never traditionally viewed as an aphrodisiac. | ||
| I'm finding some stuff. | ||
| They use it for all sorts of things, like as a gift. | ||
| Some people think it's a hangover cure. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's valued more than gold. | ||
| Something like $1,400 an ounce. | ||
| Powered in gold? | ||
| Is that what you're talking about? | ||
| More than gold? | ||
| Yeah, I'll show you the article. | ||
| Vietnam's appetite for rhino horn drives poaching in Africa. | ||
| This is from 2013. They killed 668 rhinos in 2012. It goes in to talk about what they're using to kill them and whatnot. | ||
| And then it says how much it's worth. | ||
| Look at this smuggler. | ||
| The guy gave it his name. | ||
| Sits behind rhino horn C.O. They were seized at the airport. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Yeah, there's a 60 pound... | ||
| 60 pounds got caught being smuggled in Ho Chi Minh City that was worth over like 1.5 million dollars. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They use it for a lot of things apparently. | ||
| That is a crazy number. | ||
| I had no idea that six pounds was worth a million bucks. | ||
| Surveys... | ||
| 30 different ailments including hangovers. | ||
| Like a fad, it became popular. | ||
| It's a great gift to your boss or a government official. | ||
| It's a great gift for your boss or a government official. | ||
| That's how Boi Thanh... | ||
| How do you say that name? | ||
| Thanh. | ||
| T-H-A-N-H. A retired... | ||
| Thanh? | ||
| Thanh? | ||
| A retired official who used to approve construction projects in the Vietnamese government got his stash of rhino horn. | ||
| Buoy began taking rhino horn to recover from drinking binges with contractors. | ||
| Every time I drank alcohol, I'd go home and grind the horn and drink it, says Buoy, a 65-year-old grandfather of two. | ||
| An hour later, I'd throw up and feel sober again. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| Hmm. | ||
| That chick likes it. | ||
| Sitting on his breakfast table, he unwraps a piece of newspaper to reveal a small, grainy block of rhino horn he received as a gift. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Booy pours water into a specially made bowl with a rough bottom and grinds the block of horn into a milky white liquid. | ||
| The grinding creates an odor that smells like burned hair. | ||
| It's because rhino horn contains keratin, the main component, fingernails, and hair. | ||
| He says that the value of rhino horn grew. | ||
| As the value of rhino horn grew, it became a kind of currency. | ||
| Oh, it's fucked. | ||
| It's a part of their culture. | ||
| That's fucked. | ||
| That's fucked that they're, like, trading it and giving it to officials and bosses and, look what I have for you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very illegal right now. | |
| Yeah, it's like, uh, when we use, like, liquor that way, sometimes people use really- How about Cuban cigars? | ||
| Yeah, I'll do that too, yeah. | ||
| Well, Cuban cigars were the thing, because Cuban cigars, up until, like, really recently, were illegal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| We could smoke one right now. | ||
| Wanna smoke one? | ||
| Sure. | ||
| We have three of them. | ||
| Exactly, three of them. | ||
| Let's do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Who brought these in? | ||
| These are real Cubans? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have three of them. | ||
| Oh, some tits. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| Who brought them to us? | ||
| I'll remember... | ||
| Was it Aubrey? | ||
| No, someone was in the last month, I feel like. | ||
| Was it Chris Ryan? | ||
| No. | ||
| Chris Ryan's on the new Nikki Glaser show. | ||
| Powerful. | ||
| Pretty funny on that. | ||
| That's Chris McGuire is the EP of that show. | ||
| Such a good show. | ||
| Powerful Chris McGuire. | ||
| We're here smoking Cuban cigars. | ||
| You're allowed to smoke them now. | ||
| You know what they say about Cuba, man? | ||
| They say you gotta get to Cuba now. | ||
| They're like, get there now. | ||
| Because it's gonna turn into fucking Applebee's. | ||
| It's gonna be like, six months from now, it'll be Marriott. | ||
| You don't bite the end off here. | ||
| I read something about how, like, we are already... | ||
| He's dried out. | ||
| They're gonna be shitty. | ||
| I heard that we're, like, taking all their beverages. | ||
| Like, Americans are already, like, taking all their water supplies. | ||
| These broke apart? | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| Yeah, it broke apart. | ||
| It's dry. | ||
| We didn't put them in a humidor. | ||
| I thought they were in these... | ||
| There's different kinds of these tubes, and some of these tubes are sealed. | ||
| These ones are just kind of screwed down. | ||
| Let's see. | ||
| A half cigar. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People, you hear that silence. | |
| That's the sound of me being a man. | ||
| Smoking a cigar. | ||
| Cuban, by the way. | ||
| Probably fake. | ||
| Just chewing on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's not bad. | |
| Don't chew on it, dude. | ||
| It's going to get you sick. | ||
| I chewed tobacco when I was a kid because I read Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Femme, which is now censored. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not. | |
| Like the choo-choo? | ||
| Like on the side of your mouth? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Real chew. | ||
| Like you buy a brick of it. | ||
| We're being men here! | ||
| Men! | ||
| Want to turn that air conditioning thing on behind you? | ||
| And we'll get some hot flow up in this bitch. | ||
| Stuff! | ||
| Yeah, so it was like a brick that looked like maybe like a pack of gum or something like that and you pull it apart and then you bite into the brick and pull off chunks of tobacco and chew on it and I almost threw up once. | ||
| Maybe I did throw up, but I was like, alright, this is stupid. | ||
| But I got into it because of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. | ||
| Yeah, I never got into smoking cigars because I wanted to inhale it so much. | ||
| Yeah, but you get high as fuck off these things. | ||
| Tobacco has some sort of psychoactive properties to it, for sure. | ||
| And I think that they use it in a lot of ayahuasca rituals, where they light tobacco smoke and they blow it in your face while you're tripping. | ||
| And both Aubrey and Amber Lyon, when they did it, were talking about that. | ||
| I've smoked cigars before and got some really good ideas, where I was like, ooh, my brain is flying. | ||
| You'd probably really like cigarettes. | ||
| I just can't wait until... | ||
| Except for the whole being healthy thing. | ||
| Yeah, I probably would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, Eddie Bravo will smoke a cigarette every now and then. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I found that thing a couple weeks ago that I didn't want to bring up because I wasn't sure if it was real, but it said that cigarettes are like proven. | ||
| There was some study that was proven to give some sort of benefit for creativity. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| The negative of the inhaling almost didn't even outweigh the benefit you got from creativity. | ||
| Well, health-wise, yeah, the risk. | ||
| They were saying that it's like a nootropic, that it actually stimulates brain function. | ||
| But if that's the case, you're just talking about the nicotine. | ||
| So I've done, before shows, I've sucked on those blue cigarettes. | ||
| First of all, because I want to be Stephen Dorff, secretly. | ||
| And second of all, because they do give you like a little pep, like a cup of coffee type pep. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But that's not as strong as a cigarette, right? | ||
| No, that shit's bullshit compared to a cigarette. | ||
| That's why I've tried doing the vape life and all that bullshit, but it's just not the same. | ||
| It's something too. | ||
| I should smoke a cigarette before I go on stage. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just one time, see what it's like. | ||
| You should also have it with your morning coffee after you eat, after sex. | ||
| You should have it with a drink while you're driving. | ||
| The problem is, people get addicted. | ||
| I'm not going to do it. | ||
| I'm not going to get addicted to cigarettes. | ||
| I would never let it. | ||
| Yeah, that could be a problem. | ||
| Even if you only smoked two cigarettes a weekend over the course of your life, that's a lot of cigarettes. | ||
| Yeah, but you're old enough to do it now. | ||
| Well, Eddie does. | ||
| The only reason why I would think there would be a way to do it is because Eddie Eddie just will smoke a cigarette every now and again. | ||
| Like, he might smoke once a month or every two months or something like that. | ||
| And I'm like, wow, what is that? | ||
| He's like, I like it. | ||
| I like it every now and then. | ||
| Every now and then he'll have one. | ||
| Like, that's interesting. | ||
| Diaz used to do that for a while, too, but he doesn't do it anymore. | ||
| I think he still does the blue cigarette, though. | ||
| We're talking about Joey, not Nate or Nick, by the way. | ||
| But Diaz used to, even after he quit, he would go outside and take a cigarette from you, smoke one right before a show. | ||
| There's definitely some benefit in nicotine. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| I just would wonder, maybe I should just smoke a cigar before I go on stage. | ||
| What gives you more of a rush? | ||
| I would say cigarettes probably better because you're inhaling it or you're supposed to inhale it and it's faster. | ||
| You're not stinking up the place. | ||
| That's the problem with this thing. | ||
| Stinking up the place. | ||
| First of all, how dare you? | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I'm one of the guys that when they smell this, they get immediately angry. | ||
| They're like, okay, who's the guy that's just fucking ruining everybody's day? | ||
| This is what we're going to do. | ||
| We're going to go old-timey men. | ||
| Not like men from the 60s and 70s. | ||
| We're going to go old time, like 30s and 20s. | ||
| We're going to start smoking pipes. | ||
| Mad Men? | ||
| No, Mad Men. | ||
| I've never watched that show. | ||
| The only reason why I wanted to watch that show is because that red-headed girl, the bosomy red-headed girl is so hot. | ||
| I wanted to watch that. | ||
| I like her girls just not afraid to put some pounds on. | ||
| Does that tobacco you roll cigarettes with, does that have a lot of nicotine in it? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Like if you made a half joint, half. | ||
| Those fuck you up, man. | ||
| I never really do spliffs. | ||
| I'm not a spliff guy, but when I was hanging out with Charlie Murphy, I did. | ||
| That's how Charlie Murphy would roll all of them. | ||
| So you'd be taking in the weed with the nicotine together. | ||
| I got higher than probably any other time before in my life doing shows with Charlie. | ||
| Charlie Murphy's one of the coolest fucking guys in the world. | ||
| He really is. | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| He's just such a good dude. | ||
| Such a solid guy. | ||
| And he smokes the shit out of those blunts. | ||
| I hate when girls do that. | ||
| A lot of girls like the blunts usually. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| To me, it's like a white guy smoking a menthol. | ||
| Like, oh, you're one of those blunt girls. | ||
| Great. | ||
| Well, you're dating girls that like to fuck black guys. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's totally normal. | ||
| Super common. | ||
| I think that's more of age. | ||
| Do they say y'all a lot and get mad and throw their hands around like gang signs? | ||
| This shit just stinks. | ||
| I could never be a cigar smoker in my house because you could tell this would just fucking get on everything. | ||
| It smells awesome. | ||
| You like the smell? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Don't know what you're talking about. | ||
| But I don't love it as much as pipes. | ||
| And that's what I was thinking of. | ||
| Wasn't it Bertrand Russell, I think, who was a famous inveterate pipe smoker, tobacco addict, brilliant man. | ||
| And back in the day, he wouldn't fly unless he could smoke on the plane. | ||
| He wouldn't fly. | ||
| He said, yeah, there he is. | ||
| That's him. | ||
| He's got a story on tobacco. | ||
| Why don't you find the YouTube clip? | ||
| Bertrand Russell on tobacco. | ||
| Fascinating guy because that guy lived in the dark ages of information as far as the modern world and the world of photography and the ability to document things. | ||
| So to get a guy like this on a YouTube video... | ||
| Show it to us? | ||
| What year was this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, tobacco. | |
| I smoke a pipe all day long except when I'm eating or sleeping. | ||
| Hasn't that shortened your life? | ||
| Well, they used to say it would when I first took to it, but I took to it some 70 years ago, so it doesn't seem to have had a very great effect so far. | ||
| In fact, you know, on one occasion, it saved my life. | ||
| I was... | ||
| In an airplane, and a man was getting a seat for me, and I said, get me a seat in the smoking part, so if I can't smoke, I should die. | ||
| And sure enough, there was an accident, a bad accident, and all the people in the non-smoking part of the plane were drowned. | ||
| And the people in the smoking part jumped into the Norwegian fjord where we landed and were saved. | ||
| Did he drown all the people? | ||
| He was in a plane crash, Brian. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't sacrifice that story for a quip. | |
| He's a plane crash, bro. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| So all the people... | ||
| There's a real ashtray somewhere. | ||
| This seems like one of those stories that everyone was like, oh, is that true? | ||
| But there was no internet back then, so we all just believed this guy. | ||
| Like, there probably was not even a plane accident, you know? | ||
| And he probably made this shit up just because he's old and he's got a British accent or whatever. | ||
| Like, if liars got together and, you know, they had, like, liar conventions, like, the years that the internet came out, they'd be like, boys, we got some problems. | ||
| We got some problems on the horizon. | ||
| We got to figure out a way to lie better. | ||
| This is how you gotta cover your tracks like liars. | ||
| It used to be super common to be completely full of shit, particularly about your martial arts background. | ||
| There was a lot of really crazy people when I was a kid that were like claiming martial arts master. | ||
| And they would walk around with, like, Chinese kung fu outfits on and shit and slippers. | ||
| They would walk around with those ninja shoes where they had the toe that was split. | ||
| You ever seen those shoes? | ||
| I've seen dudes walk around with kung fu outfits and they're representing two completely different countries. | ||
| The kung fu outfit is from Japan. | ||
| The ninja slippers are from Japan. | ||
| The kung fu outfit is from China, rather. | ||
| The ninja outfit is from Japan. | ||
| These motherfuckers mix and match. | ||
| They're different styles of train killer. | ||
| But that guy isn't a good example though. | ||
| Back then, you'd be like, so every single person died in the non-smoking. | ||
| Every single one. | ||
| There was a line where it said, no smoking, all those people died. | ||
| Well, the front of the plane. | ||
| Also, you have to think of, when you're watching a guy like Bertrand Russell, when was that filmed, did it say? | ||
| If he was talking about how it saved his life, that had to be before they made that shitty-ass, old, grainy movie, which was in black and white. | ||
| So it was probably a long fucking time ago when planes were made out of fucking gum wrappers. | ||
| 1959, I think. | ||
| Is when he died? | ||
| No, that's when that interview was. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| So if it's in 59, then the plane was probably from the 40s or 50s. | ||
| I mean, who knows when it happened. | ||
| But, yeah, that ain't good. | ||
| That's just mad denial and wanting an excuse for smoking. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it saved my life. | ||
| I want it. | ||
| Smokes a pipe, though. | ||
| Pipe is definitely a different animal. | ||
| My grandfather used to smoke, and he used to have those big, back in the day, they used to have those big lighters that would sit on your desk, and it was just like, huge ones. | ||
| It had like a cloth wrap around the bottom of it. | ||
| Yeah, I remember those. | ||
| This is the incident he was in. | ||
| Oh, it was real. | ||
| The Buchan Burst disaster. | ||
| It was the crash of a flying boat. | ||
| A what? | ||
| A what? | ||
| A flying boat. | ||
| Why didn't you mention that, Bertrand? | ||
| Flying boat. | ||
| The survivors were all in the smoking compartment at the back of the cabin. | ||
| It's true. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| Among the survivors were the philosopher Bertrand Russell. | ||
| Wikipedia. | ||
| Citation needed. | ||
| Wikipedia is awesome. | ||
| Although it does say I'm 5'9", and Brian Cowan's my brother. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
| Maybe he added that. | ||
| Brian? | ||
| No. | ||
| I think it was in my, um, one of the thing. | ||
| Oh, uh, shiny. | ||
| No, not shiny happy G-Had. | ||
| I'm gonna be dead someday. | ||
| The sketch that Brian Callen and I did in my parents' basement where we're banging each other. | ||
| We're working out. | ||
| We're getting pumped. | ||
| I think how that whole thing started is because you used to say he's your brother from another mother and some idiot was like, oh, they're brothers. | ||
| Well, maybe it's just for fun. | ||
| People did it. | ||
| And he looks like my brother. | ||
| He totally looks like he'd be my brother. | ||
| Like we just grew in different directions. | ||
| He went north and south and I went east and west. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Like, if he stretched his face out and he stretched his shoulders out, it's very similar in a lot of ways. | ||
| But he's, um, might as well be my brother. | ||
| But, uh, yeah, Wikipedia's wrong about a lot of shit. | ||
| It says I have Crohn's disease, too, at least it used to, which I don't. | ||
| Where'd that even start from? | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Somebody being funny. | ||
| Somebody being silly. | ||
| I didn't want to change any of it. | ||
| I think it's funny. | ||
| I like what the internet does, for the most part. | ||
| I think a little bit of disinformation makes people go, what? | ||
| Wait, are you serious? | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Even when those stupid stories come out, like I killed a mountain lion with a belt... | ||
| My own sister called me up. | ||
| My own fucking sister. | ||
| She's like, was that true? | ||
| I go, what are you talking about? | ||
| You can't kill a mountain lion with a belt. | ||
| You don't think I'd call you if I did? | ||
| I'd be like, strap yourself in, sister, because your brother's a fucking gangster! | ||
| I killed a mountain lion with a belt! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, what? | |
| I killed a fucking mountain lion with a belt. | ||
| I'm about to go do a news story. | ||
| I'll call you back later. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| I'd be strutting around in my underwear with scars all over my body. | ||
| I'd have all the gauze, like with the blood oozing through all the stitches, which I would be fucking covered with. | ||
| Because even if you survive a mountain lion attack, you ain't surviving unscathed. | ||
| If you go to guyscode on Instagram, guyscode on Instagram is an excellent product. | ||
| A little Instagram page that has a lot of pictures of girls' butts. | ||
| Great butts. | ||
| You look at their asses and you go, good lord. | ||
| Why is that so appealing to look at? | ||
| Even if someone who knows is never going to get near that girl, much less be able to squeeze it from behind, you just want to. | ||
| And so it's worth looking at. | ||
| Like, it gives you that little, ooh. | ||
| So they're providing you with a little pleasure when they show you their asses in those pictures, those wonderful gals of the Instagram. | ||
| But Guys Code had this picture of this guy who was like in the 1800s, killed a leopard with his bare hands. | ||
| He got attacked by a leopard in Africa. | ||
| And it wasn't a giant one, but it was big enough to fuck you up, man. | ||
| And he was all wrapped up in stitches, but the thing was dead next to him. | ||
| And his arms in a sling. | ||
| I mean, he's fucked up. | ||
| And when you got fucked up back then, you got fucked up for keeps. | ||
| Like, they didn't fix you. | ||
| There was no stem cells. | ||
| You know? | ||
| They didn't have ACL surgery. | ||
| I mean, I would literally be crippled. | ||
| Both of my knees would be completely shot, because I had... | ||
| There's the guy. | ||
| What's his name? | ||
| Carl Akeley. | ||
| A-K-E-L-E-Y. And they have him down there as badass of the week. | ||
| And he's got a leopard that, shit, how much do you think that weighs? | ||
| I don't know, but it's... | ||
| At least 60 pounds. | ||
| Big enough... | ||
| To seem like it could be a little bit dangerous, but it also looks like you could kind of kill that. | ||
| It just would suck. | ||
| Like, I have to break this poor cat's neck. | ||
| Dude, that thing would kill you. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| Are you kidding me? | ||
| Just think... | ||
| I think it would probably kill me. | ||
| I mean, I think that guy... | ||
| Probably got real lucky. | ||
| The cat was probably sick, which is why I was trying to attack and kill a person in the first place. | ||
| I mean, that does happen. | ||
| They get sick, they get old. | ||
| Sometimes their teeth get worn out and they can't kill something big anymore. | ||
| So that's one of the problems with certain animals. | ||
| When they're predators, they start picking on people because they can't get animals anymore. | ||
| And people are so goddamn slow. | ||
| What'd he say? | ||
| I felt no pain, but I certainly never thought for a moment that I would come out alive. | ||
| I was rather calm, as a matter of fact, except for a tremendous and wildly pleasant thrill I felt knowing that I was battling for my life. | ||
| What a fucking man! | ||
| What a man! | ||
| That's why he survived! | ||
| What year was this? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Doesn't say. | ||
| Doesn't say? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| What a fucking savage. | ||
| 1864? | ||
| Oh, he was born in 1864. Oh. | ||
| He fought an elephant, too. | ||
| He got pinned by an elephant. | ||
| Okay, he might be a dick. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He might have been like the fucking crocodile hunter of his day, just threatening animals. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or he might, you know, if you're in Africa for a long enough time, you probably get jacked. | ||
| So he was born in 1865, so how old do you think he was in that picture? | ||
| Probably 30, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Scroll up, Jamie. | ||
| Let me get a look at him. | ||
| All the way up. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| Looks like Kyle Kinane. | ||
| That's a hard drinking 35. Depends. | ||
| That leopard would fuck you up. | ||
| Would fuck me up. | ||
| If we had it in the studio, you know how terrified we would be? | ||
| Oh, I'd be terrified, but then once you grabbed it, it seems like you could just like fall on its head or something. | ||
| You're out of your mind. | ||
| You're out of your mind. | ||
| Have you ever held on to a cat that wants to get away? | ||
| You have. | ||
| You have cats. | ||
| You ever wash your cat? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know how they try to kick and fucking twist and they get mad at you? | ||
| Pure muscle. | ||
| You know, I have two of the sweetest cats in the world. | ||
| Until you try to give them a bath, those little fuckers want to go to war with you. | ||
| I'm like, settle down. | ||
| We're just getting wet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Settle down. | ||
| Wash yourself, bitch. | ||
| You got a dirty ass. | ||
| Especially when they're fluffy. | ||
| Fluffy cats come out of the litter box with an eco-disaster hanging off their asshole. | ||
| They can't clean it. | ||
| It's not supposed to exist in nature. | ||
| You're never supposed to have an asshole with all these feathers all around it that can catch shit. | ||
| What do you got there, Jamie Forrest? | ||
| You can see the Ackley, or however you say his last name, Hall of African Mammals in the American Museum of Natural History in Manhattan's Upper West Side. | ||
| So what was he? | ||
| Was he a hunter? | ||
| He was like some sort of conservationist hunter back in the time of like Roosevelt. | ||
| I'm looking through this article. | ||
| There's another guy. | ||
| It seems like he was head-to-head with sort of like a Tesla Edison thing. | ||
| There's a guy named Ward. | ||
| So they were going around searching and hunting for animals and finding new species of things and different in the Congo. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| All sorts of different places like that. | ||
| I was watching this program on Buffalo. | ||
| Um... | ||
| Last night. | ||
| And they were talking about how the buffalo were decimated and how they were shipping these truckloads or trains, you know, train carriages filled with buffalo meat back to the East Coast. | ||
| Buffalo meat became high in demand. | ||
| And then buffalo hides were high in demand. | ||
| And they were showing in this thing that I was watching stacks of skins. | ||
| Just stacks of skins and of skulls. | ||
| And you just look at it like, what? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How did you do this? | ||
| How did you guys not think that this was a terrible idea? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Look at those stacks of skulls. | ||
| There's the stacks that go all the way up to the top of that railroad cart. | ||
| I mean, that's fucking bananas. | ||
| Stacks of skins. | ||
| Look at these skins. | ||
| I mean, they were just wiping out hundreds of thousands of them. | ||
| Like, how many did they wipe out a year? | ||
| Because you gotta assume, like, that stuff has probably recently come off the animal... | ||
| That says it's 40,000 buffalo hides right there. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It's so crazy what they did. | ||
| I've got to get this guy on the podcast. | ||
| His name is Dan Flores. | ||
| And I found out about him from Steve Rinella. | ||
| And he has a very interesting hypothesis. | ||
| Well, he's a scientist. | ||
| And a historian, I believe, as well. | ||
| So he has... | ||
| Maybe not a scientist. | ||
| Either way... | ||
| His take on what happened with the buffalo is essentially, I might butcher this, but that when the first Europeans came to North America, they didn't find evidence of buffalo. | ||
| They talked about everything else. | ||
| They talked about bear. | ||
| They talked about deer. | ||
| They talked about elk. | ||
| They talked about all these different animals that we know exist here, but they didn't really talk about buffalo. | ||
| He believes with the sheer numbers of buffalo that existed 100 years later, it seems highly improbable that they wouldn't talk about them. | ||
| And his take is that what happened was when Europeans started showing up in America, they brought with them a lot of diseases. | ||
| And those diseases that they gave these people, first of all, there's a common myth, apparently, that they gave them syphilis in the form of scabs in blankets. | ||
| They put scabs in blankets and gave them to the Native Americans. | ||
| As far as I know, that's not true. | ||
| Not only that, they didn't know about bacteria then. | ||
| They didn't know that that's how it was spread. | ||
| They didn't know that you would give someone a scab and that the actual tissue from the scab would cause the disease. | ||
| The knowledge of how diseases were spread was not that sophisticated back then. | ||
| As far as what I read, But what he's saying is that when the Europeans came here and they introduced these new diseases that they had, that the natives didn't have any immune systems for, it fucking devastated the population. | ||
| And he said that that is responsible for as many deaths as anything else to the Native Americans that lived here. | ||
| Fucking completely wiped out by European diseases. | ||
| When that happened, the Native Americans were responsible for keeping the buffalo populations in check and had been doing so pretty efficiently ever since that the horse was brought to North America. | ||
| Because before the Europeans came here, Native Americans didn't have horses. | ||
| They were not horses. | ||
| So, the horses that, you know, we depict the Wild West, the Native Americans riding around the horse, how they've always been, no. | ||
| No, they were always like, you know, like really nomadic people that live in Brazil or something like that, in the rainforest or Ecuador or something like that. | ||
| They weren't on horses. | ||
| So they got the horses from the North Americans, but they also got the diseases. | ||
| And while they had the horses, they were on the way to, in his words, extirpating the buffalo from their domain, which means local extinction. | ||
| So they were already doing such an efficient job of killing the buffalo from horses. | ||
| Because they'd run up on horses and just fucking arrow the shit out of these buffalo. | ||
| And they were ruthlessly effective. | ||
| Because they were on a horse. | ||
| So they could get that horse right up with the buffalo. | ||
| Because a buffalo's full clip is about 40 miles an hour. | ||
| But a horse can run about 50-60. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And especially like a really strong horse. | ||
| So these guys would just run up on these fucking herds of buffalo and blast them with arrows and kill them. | ||
| And then they got guns. | ||
| And once they got guns, good googly moogly, between horses and rifles, I mean, they were fucking these buffalo up. | ||
| So what happened was they got almost wiped out and the buffalo came back strong. | ||
| So when they saw these millions of buffalo out on these prairies, that was an overabundance. | ||
| That was a rare cycle in time that corresponded with the death of the Native Americans. | ||
| And this is his paper that he wrote. | ||
| Buffalo Ecology, I think, something Buffalo Ecology. | ||
| His name is Dan Flores. | ||
| See if we can find it. | ||
| I think it's one of those university papers, though, that you probably have to have a... | ||
| It's like one of those things that that kid got in trouble for releasing for free. | ||
| Remember that kid that wound up killing himself? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| There's a PDF that you can get. | ||
| Oh, there's a PDF. What does it say? | ||
| Bison ecology and bison diplomacy, that's it. | ||
| The southern plains from 1800 to 1850. Really, really interesting stuff. | ||
| Because, you know, we're finding out more and more about the history of this country, obviously, because we still have Columbus Day. | ||
| I mean, the fact that we still have a day named after a guy who didn't even get here. | ||
| You know, he landed in the West Indies, right? | ||
| Isn't that where he landed? | ||
| The Bahamas or some shit? | ||
| What other things do you think are on the way out? | ||
| Columbus Day is definitely on the way out. | ||
| He should have been out a long time ago. | ||
| He's a murderer. | ||
| What else? | ||
| Columbus is a mass murderer. | ||
| If you go to the... | ||
| There was a missionary or someone that was there at the time of Columbus that detailed the horrors of what they did to the Native American people that they found to try to get these people to give them gold. | ||
| I mean, the fucking horrors. | ||
| They would cut off body parts. | ||
| And send these people out. | ||
| They would cut their arms off if they didn't bring back a certain amount of weight in gold. | ||
| They would smash babies on the rocks. | ||
| They would take their children from them and smash them in the rocks. | ||
| We're talking about boats filled with serial killers. | ||
| And we have a holiday where kids get off school for a guy who ran a boat of serial killers that came across the ocean and just... | ||
| Laid waste to everybody in front of him. | ||
| I'm from a city that's named after him, Columbus. | ||
| We even have his boat, like a recreation of his boat in Columbus, Ohio. | ||
| That's fucking crazy, man. | ||
| Where's that lighter, brother? | ||
| He's got it over there. | ||
| You need to spark that back up. | ||
| Yeah, I'm high as fuck off this. | ||
| I think. | ||
| The weed helps. | ||
| But, um, I don't know how we got on this. | ||
| Bisons, I was watching Buffalo, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| We were talking about dicks, and it just went from rhinos to other... | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| That dude that I posted yesterday was at CJW underscore photography, that guy's Instagram page. | ||
| He got a hold of me, and he's making that wolf. | ||
| The wolf with the snow? | ||
| He's going to put that on a steel plate and send it to us, and we're going to put it up here. | ||
| Metal prints are badass. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And that was like one of the most dope nature photographs ever. | ||
| Have you seen it, Brian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull it up. | ||
| It's on my Instagram page is the one specific. | ||
| It's got this wolf and his face is covered in snow. | ||
| And he's looking at you. | ||
| Not the one that we showed John Dudley. | ||
| My friend John was on here yesterday, dude. | ||
| He fought a pack of wolves off that was trying to take his elk. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah, whoa. | ||
| Like barefoot? | ||
| No, two guides, two barefoot. | ||
| Did he use only his asshole? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Was his feet clean? | |
| How was his feet? | ||
| He was in Alberta. | ||
| He shot an elk. | ||
| And these wolves started circling and they ran in and they were trying to scare him off the elk. | ||
| And he shot one. | ||
| And then the other wolves showed up and they started howling and circling them. | ||
| Look at that fucking picture. | ||
| How dope is that picture? | ||
| Goddamn. | ||
| He's going to come to one of the shows at the Fillmore in San Francisco. | ||
| And I want to talk to him and find out how he took this and where was he. | ||
| It's got to be crazy. | ||
| It's got to take lots of hours of sitting and waiting and camping and being really cold. | ||
| Yeah, and to get this perfect shot. | ||
| God, what a cool animal. | ||
| I bet he's got some crazy stories of getting them and just being surrounded by wolves and whatnot. | ||
| He's got a lot of cool pictures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, you got to be a bold motherfucker to get that photo. | |
| I mean, because you can only be so far away, right? | ||
| Yeah, your lenses can only take you so close. | ||
| Like, how close would you be able to... | ||
| Like, that's so high def. | ||
| It could be cropped, so it could be a little bit off, but it's such a really close picture. | ||
| I bet he had a really good, like, 400 to 600 lens, so... | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Maybe 50 to 100 yards at the... | ||
| Or he's at his zoo. | ||
| 100 yards, yeah, at the furthest. | ||
| I doubt it, I doubt it, but, like, 50 yards, maybe. | ||
| Yeah, it's hard. | ||
| I would imagine he'd be closer than that, right? | ||
| He's cropped in on it, too, so I don't know. | ||
| He's got to be crazy. | ||
| It depends what camera you used to. | ||
| If you go to his Instagram, there's a picture of that wolf with another wolf there. | ||
| Oh, look at that. | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| Yeah, he's got a bunch of dope shit. | ||
| Is that a bobcat? | ||
| Yeah, that's a bobcat, I think, or a lynx. | ||
| One of those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's sweet. | |
| Look at those mountain lions he's got, too. | ||
| Look at that one licking his lips. | ||
| It's a Gene Simmons mountain lion. | ||
| Lick it up! | ||
| What do you think about Gene Simmons and that whole controversy about him calling out N.W.A., saying they shouldn't be allowed in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because it's not rock and roll? | ||
| Well, Kiss wasn't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame forever. | ||
| So if I was him, I'd be like, fuck the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. | ||
| The Rock and Roll of Fame is more of like a pop music, popular music Hall of Fame. | ||
| Scroll that shit down. | ||
| Let me see that wolf. | ||
| The Beastie Boys are kind of rock, though, if you listen to Paul's Boutique. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| We'll scroll up then. | ||
| Paul's Boutique, dude, is a rock and roll album. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| How is that it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe he's got another page? | ||
| No, man. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| Are you sure? | ||
| Yeah, he's got 353 posts. | ||
| Yeah, that's not it, Jamie. | ||
| No, it's just not refreshing. | ||
| Just refresh it. | ||
| Oh, there it goes. | ||
| Oh, look at that raccoon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| Raccoons are nuts. | ||
| Damn, he's got great photos. | ||
| Oh, amazing, man. | ||
| No, that's not it, Jamie. | ||
| There's one scroll down. | ||
| It's the exact same pose of that wolf, but he's with another wolf. | ||
| Oh, there it goes. | ||
| It's weird how it loads, right? | ||
| Goddamn Instagram. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| They went up to 60-second videos, and their shit's getting hammered. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hammer time. | ||
| There's another thing that I posted. | ||
| There it is, right there. | ||
| There's another thing that I posted that is that exact same wolf, but with another wolf next to him. | ||
| That might even be more badass! | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ! | ||
| No, that's way better. | ||
| Oh my God! | ||
| It's like the wolf's telling him, like, let's go kill that photographer guy. | ||
| Yeah, hey dude, if you're listening, scratch that. | ||
| Make me one of these. | ||
| Make me the double wolf. | ||
| Fuck, that's amazing. | ||
| Goddamn, that's crazy. | ||
| Holy shit, what a picture. | ||
| That guy deserves like an award for that picture. | ||
| Like that might be... | ||
| I'm gonna say it is. | ||
| That's the coolest wildlife photograph I've ever seen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Because, yeah, well, it's undeniably cool. | ||
| The photo looks so rare. | ||
| I mean, how do you get a wolf with all that snow all over his face like that? | ||
| What are the odds you're going to capture that? | ||
| And then another one, the same size, right next to him. | ||
| Maybe his wife. | ||
| Maybe the wolf's on the left that's the wife. | ||
| Who's the wife? | ||
| The wife's on the right because it looks like she's bitching. | ||
| She's bitching at him. | ||
| You motherfucker, you only killed five elk. | ||
| You're so fucking lazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
When you were young, when you first met me, you did so much to impress me. | |
| The guy's an animal to get out there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Chris Fontano Jr. Yeah, Chris, you're a fucking animal. | |
| Just to... | ||
| I mean... | ||
| That's a Timberwolf. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I think that's in Yellowstone. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| They have a lot of them in Yellowstone. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| There's a cool video that I posted or a photo I posted today from National Geographic. | ||
| The National Geographic Instagram page is another one I'm fucking completely addicted to. | ||
| Every other day they have some just, whoa, photo. | ||
| Well, you look and you go, fuck! | ||
| God damn it! | ||
| Today was these two bears that were duking it out in Yellowstone. | ||
| Look at the size of these fucking beasts. | ||
| Look at the claws on him. | ||
| The claws that are on that one's back as they're fighting. | ||
| These two giant ass fucking grizzlies are going at it and one of them has Wolverine style razor blades coming out of his front arm. | ||
| Fuck man. | ||
| Another John Dudley story, John who was here yesterday, he saw a bear kill a moose. | ||
| He was there when a grizzly swatted a moose in the back and broke its back. | ||
| He said the bear was chasing the moose. | ||
| They got into conflict. | ||
| The bear got on top of him and swatted his back and broke it. | ||
| He said he broke his back with one swipe. | ||
| He also talked about this cabin that they had in the woods where this bear broke into the cabin, pulled the wall apart, pulled the door frame and the door off the wall with these nine-inch spike nails all around it. | ||
| Then there was a stove inside that smelled like food. | ||
| He crushed the stove to the ground like you would stomp on a soda can just to ooze out whatever fat and grease was inside the stove. | ||
| Fuck bears, man. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| It's so crazy that we want more of those. | ||
| We're like, we need to save those. | ||
| We need them everywhere. | ||
| And the wolves, too. | ||
| We're like, oh, no, they're so awesome. | ||
| That thing's a killing machine looking right through your eyes. | ||
| It's cool that they exist, though. | ||
| You know, I mean, it would be kind of cool if dinosaurs were still here, too. | ||
| If there was, like, a real Jurassic Island. | ||
| That would suck. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| As long as you didn't have to go there. | ||
| If it was, like, an island. | ||
| Like, New Zealand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some mile in the middle past Hawaii at Guam. | ||
| Yeah, well, New Zealand's huge. | ||
| Probably not New Zealand. | ||
| We don't want to do that to those people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Too much. | |
| They could get too big. | ||
| Well, they don't have... | ||
| New Zealand has a crazy wildlife situation. | ||
| Because New Zealand is a fairly recent continent or island, as far as I know. | ||
| As far as the volcanic activity of the earth. | ||
| And there wasn't a lot of land masses connecting it to other places. | ||
| So they have some indigenous wildlife, like a bunch of weird animals and shit. | ||
| But they also have a lot of stuff that is non-native that was brought in. | ||
| Like all these hunting animals. | ||
| These really rich dudes a long time ago basically turned New Zealand into a hunting preserve. | ||
| And they just let these stags loose. | ||
| These European deer. | ||
| These red deer and stags. | ||
| Stags is like a European form of elk. | ||
| And they let all these things loose all throughout New Zealand, but they don't have any mountain lions, they don't have any bobcats, they don't have wolves, they don't have coyotes, they don't have anything that kills these things. | ||
| So they have to send people out there to kill them. | ||
| Like, people are just killing them constantly. | ||
| And when some of the populations of some of the animals get too high, they have to fly over them and fucking gun them down from the sky. | ||
| They're having this problem right now with Cat Island, which is that island of cats off of Japan. | ||
| I've heard of that. | ||
| And they're inbreeding like crazy. | ||
| It's scary. | ||
| All these cats, like thousands and thousands of cats just live on this island. | ||
| It must smell like shit, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, it probably smells like ammonia piss. | ||
| You know, did you see what's going on with Fukushima? | ||
| Fukushima has a problem with radioactive wild boars. | ||
| There's like hundreds of radioactive wild boars that have taken over that area because you know the people aren't really there anymore and They're running rampant and they have a problem with them. | ||
| They don't know what to do. | ||
| They have radioactive wild pigs Look at this fucking thing Thousands of oh I said hundreds thousands of radioactive boars are overrunning farmland in Fukushima But look at the photos of them. | ||
| They have some photos of these fucking boars and Um, maybe a different article. | ||
| Yeah, there's a good one. | ||
| That might be stock footage, though. | ||
| Yeah, wild boar stock. | ||
| See, I'm a fucking internet wizard, dude. | ||
| I know things. | ||
| It's probably all the photos are probably stock. | ||
| But there was one video of this guy who had, like, a radioactive suit on, like he was some sort of a scientist, and these boars were chasing him. | ||
| Yeah, they all look stock. | ||
| But whatever. | ||
| Yeah, who the fuck's gonna go there to take those pictures? | ||
| What is this? | ||
| Other radioactive dudes. | ||
| Are those the boar themselves? | ||
| They have a real problem if those things start turning into, like, some comic book superhero type character powers. | ||
| I mean, if these things are radioactive, like, what if they start morphing? | ||
| What if they become super smart? | ||
| Because we already know that boars are smart. | ||
| Like, pigs are supposed to be smarter than dogs, right? | ||
| Oh, there they are. | ||
| This is the real ones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, shit. | |
| Running down the street. | ||
| Lots of them. | ||
| Slamming into the fucking fence trying to get out of this cage that they caught him in. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| Good luck, Japan. | ||
| They have, by the way, that thing is still leaking thousands of gallons of radioactive shit into the water every day. | ||
| Isn't California, we still have that gas leak up in Simi Valley or wherever that is. | ||
| They sealed it. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Yeah, they sealed that a long time ago. | ||
| But that was bad. | ||
| They said it was like every car in the United States, the emissions from every car in the United States in one day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| I might have made that number up. | ||
| Just FYI. FYI. Powerful Death Squad cup. | ||
| I like this one, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That I'm drinking out of. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's available right now at DeathSquad.tv. | ||
| Brian Redband Creations. | ||
| Yeah, that's fun stuff. | ||
| Remember when we used to talk about that radioactive up there? | ||
| It's funny because I met these triplets the other day that grew up there. | ||
| What do you think the odds are that they're triplets because they grew up near that radioactive? | ||
| What makes triplets? | ||
| It's a real good question. | ||
| I think whores. | ||
| Only whores. | ||
| You just have to love dick so much that you take in so much cum that this cum just rushes and no one egg wins. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Maybe a dude who's just got a lot of cum. | ||
| Maybe that's what makes it. | ||
| Maybe super aggressive cum. | ||
| I know two people that have triplets my age, but I think nowadays it's probably more for like, they might be using fertility things. | ||
| Fertility. | ||
| Like an accident, they had three and they only wanted to have one or something. | ||
| That definitely happens. | ||
| That happens with older ladies. | ||
| That's like John and Kate plus eight. | ||
| Remember that chick had like seven fucking babies inside of her? | ||
| No, eight inside of her and then two additionally. | ||
| They had two first, then they decided they wanted more. | ||
| And so they filled themselves up with babies. | ||
| And remember that show? | ||
| Boy, that was an interesting show. | ||
| Because that was a show that kind of showed how much pressure the average person gets under when you're under the microscope. | ||
| Like people that behave like totally normal. | ||
| They think their behavior is totally normal. | ||
| But then all of a sudden they're under the microscope. | ||
| And the whole world sees that. | ||
| And then they get criticized and freaked on. | ||
| And then next thing you know, they can't handle it anymore. | ||
| And they break up. | ||
| And then John, you know, was forced to get, like, regular jobs. | ||
| They'd catch him dating women, and it was, you know, they would hound the guy. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was really ugly. | ||
| It was real ugly. | ||
| And, you know, they're poor fucking kids, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just weird. | ||
| So I guess they had six. | ||
| And then they had two previous, and then they had six babies inside of her. | ||
| And that's all those fertility drugs for sure. | ||
| That's weird, man. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| You know, because it's also weird because I'm pretty sure they were strictly religious, weren't they? | ||
| I feel like that's when it happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, not really, because, see, like, God says be fruitful and multiply, but he doesn't say anything about taking fertility drugs in order to make that happen. | ||
| You know, and if it's God's plan, is it all God's plan when a scientist steps in? | ||
| Is it God's plan because the scientist is here? | ||
| Did God make the scientist? | ||
| You know, where do you draw the line as far as like what God wants? | ||
| Because if that's true, someone invented abortion. | ||
| Was it God's plan to make abortion? | ||
| Is God's plan for everything? | ||
| I know multiple families where I'm from because of a Catholic family raised over 10 kids. | ||
| I know at least three families that have 10, 12 kids. | ||
| Again, whores. | ||
| Whores. | ||
| Was it fertility pills or no? | ||
| No, it's just like they almost had one every year. | ||
| They just like to fuck. | ||
| Yeah, it's constant. | ||
| Pull out this time. | ||
| Fuck you. | ||
| One's all boys, one's all girls. | ||
| Take the kid. | ||
| Ten of them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ten girls? | ||
| Yeah, all blonde girls. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| A lot of fucking going on. | ||
| Ten kids. | ||
| You know when you die, how you shit yourself and all the piss and everything comes out? | ||
| If you have any in you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, I mean, sure, there's something in there, right? | ||
| It's like having anal sex where the girl likes to do meth. | ||
| Eddie Bravo always said that's the way to go because they don't eat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah. | |
| Brian just, a light bulb went off above his head, literally. | ||
| They don't eat and their apartments are squeaky clean. | ||
| All they do is clean their apartments. | ||
| I was just thinking how realistic would it be, you know, like Jesus on the cross, if it was realistic, if it was just shit and piss everywhere on the bottom of the cross. | ||
| Yeah, there'd probably definitely be some, I would imagine, if they fed him before they strung him up there. | ||
| It's interesting, too, because they always show the crucifixion marks through the hands, but apparently that's not capable of supporting your body. | ||
| They go through the wrist. | ||
| Yeah, you would have fallen off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, that makes sense, because that's how you hang a deer. | ||
| You go through the ligament behind the knee, and you put like a stick through it, and you can hang him from that. | ||
| There's also some kind of suffocation. | ||
| The way it would have hung his body, he would have suffocated in a couple hours instead of days. | ||
| Because the way the body... | ||
| Yeah, the way your body would have hung the weight on your diaphragm or something like that. | ||
| I was too much in Catholic religion class to have all this stuff explained, and now I've learned extra stuff. | ||
| There was a story that Daniele Bolelli... | ||
| Of History on Fire. | ||
| He's got an awesome podcast, History on Fire. | ||
| In the opening podcast, he has a pilot, like episode 00, and then he has episode 1. And in episode 1, he tells a story that he told on this podcast about this... | ||
| I believe it was the Romans had hung up... | ||
| Some insane, like a hundred miles of bodies? | ||
| Something crazy like that? | ||
| Like, what was the actual number? | ||
| I remember you saying that right now. | ||
| Him saying, yeah. | ||
| The whole marching, the whole pathway, the whole road to wherever it was, a hundred miles or whatever the fuck it was, was just like every... | ||
| X amount of meters, they had a body that was crucified. | ||
| Just all along the road. | ||
| Like, that was how people used to roll back then. | ||
| They used to scare the shit out of people. | ||
| There was no, like, hiding the photos of the caskets. | ||
| No, they hung people on sticks, stuffed them into the ground. | ||
| Spartacus Road, 6000. Spartacus. | ||
| 6000. Maybe. | ||
| I think it's the same thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| They crucified 6,000 people. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| People were brutal back then. | ||
| I mean, I guess they're brutal today. | ||
| There was an article that I tweeted earlier today, or retweeted, that... | ||
| What is her name? | ||
| Jen Briney? | ||
| How do you say her last name? | ||
| She's the one who has that political podcast. | ||
| It's supposed to be good. | ||
| What is her name? | ||
| But anyway, the article is about a guy. | ||
| She retweeted something from, I think it was from The Guardian, where a guy wrote what it feels like to be on the drone kill list, and that he made his way into Europe specifically because he was worried that they were going to kill him with a drone, and that he used to hide and sleep under trees so that his family, Jen Briney, How do you spell it? | ||
| B-R-I-N-E-Y? That this guy would sleep under trees. | ||
| It was in The Independent. | ||
| Sleep under trees to protect his family because no one wanted to be near him. | ||
| Because he was on the fucking kill list for drones. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| You see the drone with the chainsaw? | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| They made a drone that has a chain stall attached to it. | ||
| Like Doom? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Did you see the Doom video? | ||
| I actually haven't seen it, but I saw the billboard on Sunset. | ||
| It's a movie or is it a video game? | ||
| It's a video, but the video looks insane, but the Doom billboard makes me want to play Doom. | ||
| What is this? | ||
| A flying chainsaw? | ||
| This is the flying chainsaw drone. | ||
| They attach a chainsaw to the bottom of a drone, turn it on, and destroy... | ||
| I think this is the video where they destroy a snowman. | ||
| But how scary is that? | ||
| It's a matter of time before we have to go to war with drones. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh my god, this is hilarious. | ||
| They're just flying over and jacking Snowman in the head, cutting off icicles. | ||
| There's a new drone that just got released that's really popular that's doing some cool things. | ||
| It's like a DJI Phantom something, Phantom 4. It can follow you. | ||
| You just tap the screen and it'll follow you around. | ||
| Do you have to register drones? | ||
| Yeah, you have to register them with the FAA now. | ||
| Now you do? | ||
| All of them, yeah. | ||
| As of this year, I believe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, wow. | |
| That's good. | ||
| But all those programs, they have things built into them. | ||
| They won't even let you fly into non-fly zones. | ||
| This thing's cutting limbs off trees. | ||
| And they have another drone flying around taking video of it, which is hilarious. | ||
| What a weird world we're living in today, man. | ||
| I thought about getting one just to try it. | ||
| You totally should have one. | ||
| It seems right up your alley. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull up the drone. | ||
| I mean, not the drone. | ||
| The Doom footage. | ||
| Show Brian the Doom. | ||
| Go full screen, please. | ||
| And don't play a shit until it's ready. | ||
| Yeah, dude, wait till you see this. | ||
| The multiplayer looks so badass. | ||
| It's like Quake 3 on crack. | ||
| I shouldn't say that. | ||
| On steroids? | ||
| From hell? | ||
| You know, those hack sayings. | ||
| On crack. | ||
| From hell. | ||
| Watch this. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at the graphics first of all. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How wild does this look? | |
| This reminds me of Atelier Quick, right? | ||
| Totally! | ||
| Well, it's id Software. | ||
| It's the same guys. | ||
| Oh, this looks so fun! | ||
| Alright, should we, Brian? | ||
| Should we get a LAN party in here? | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| Should we? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Wow, okay. | ||
| What is the company that... | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| What is the company that we should buy our PCs from? | ||
| A couple of that we should get them. | ||
| Falcon or Alienware? | ||
| We should get Alienware because Alienware used to sponsor us. | ||
| So just out of loyalty and respect, we should get Alienware. | ||
| So we should contact Alienware and let them know we're going to set up a fucking LAN party up in this bitch. | ||
| Oh, Joe, you're going deep on this, I can tell you. | ||
| Well, we'll have some fun. | ||
| What I want to do, though, Brian, is you and me do this and we'll go on Twitch. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We just gotta be really PC. Fuck you. | ||
| Suck it. | ||
| That shit ain't happening. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You know you can't even take off your shirt as a guy on Twitch or you'll get banned? | ||
| Everybody that's on Twitch should keep their fucking shirt on. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| Except Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson and I think John Dodson's on Twitch too. | ||
| Rampage is on Twitch? | ||
| Yeah, all those guys can take their shirt off. | ||
| Everybody else, keep your fucking disgusting man boobs away from my screen. | ||
| You haven't seen these. | ||
| I have. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What are you talking about? | |
| Who are you lying to? | ||
| Don't lie to me. | ||
| So Alienware, if you're listening, hook us up. | ||
| Or Falcon Northwest, if you want to bring us over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like Alienware, man. | ||
| I have that old laptop that they gave us back in the day, and I turned it on the other day. | ||
| I'm pretty sure they both sponsored fighters. | ||
| I'm pretty sure. | ||
| Did they? | ||
| Pretty sure, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, so I'm down with all, but loyalty to Alienware for two reasons. | ||
| One, because we used to use them. | ||
| I used to run the podcast, my version of it, you know, when I used to... | ||
| Research stuff. | ||
| That was all from the Alienware back then. | ||
| That was cool. | ||
| I liked it. | ||
| It was a big-ass fucking screen. | ||
| Who did I give that to? | ||
| I remember you telling me you gave it to somebody. | ||
| Somebody who plays games. | ||
| I think your trainer, didn't you? | ||
| Did you give it to Justin? | ||
| Was it Justin? | ||
| Probably was Justin. | ||
| I think he sold it. | ||
| They make badass laptops though. | ||
| I like how the ones that we had, you could change all the colors of the keyboard so like half of it's purple, half of it's blue. | ||
| Dude, I'm infatuated with the Lenovo ThinkPads. | ||
| I read this review of a Lenovo ThinkPad. | ||
| It has 15 hours of battery life. | ||
| It's supposed to have the most tactile-feeling keyboard. | ||
| Like, this guy did a review of it, and he said that the keyboard itself... | ||
| I saved it. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| He said that the keyboard itself was so good that it actually upped his words per minute faster than his average was, which I was like, what? | ||
| How is that even possible? | ||
| Yeah, but that seems like bullshit. | ||
| Who does that? | ||
| Well, you always say that, man. | ||
| Lenovo ThinkPad T50 Review, and it's on Laptop Magazine. | ||
| I would do it except for having to deal with Windows. | ||
| Laptopmag.com. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean, have you tried the newest Windows? | ||
| Like, what is Windows... | ||
| What are we on now? | ||
| Windows 10? | ||
| For real? | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| But the keyboard is supposed to be amazing, and the battery life is supposed to be crazy. | ||
| I'm just bored. | ||
| I just want to try something else. | ||
| I know that Apple... | ||
| And also, you can take the battery out. | ||
| You have a separate battery. | ||
| Remember when you could do that? | ||
| Yes, I like that! | ||
| I like the fact that you keep a fucking full battery with you. | ||
| It's that new cell phone that came out. | ||
| That's their kind of pitch. | ||
| I think it's LG or something. | ||
| It's got a slide-in, slide-out battery, and it comes with an extra one. | ||
| Well, my Galaxy, until the recent one, my Samsung Galaxy had that, and it was waterproof, and you could take the battery out. | ||
| It was still waterproof. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| You used to be able to carry an extra battery. | ||
| Throw it in your laptop bag, and your laptop was running out of battery, close it, pop that bitch out, pop the new one, and you're back in action! | ||
| Fully loaded. | ||
| Well, now you have those, like, portable charger, battery chargers, and things like that, so it's kind of unnecessary. | ||
| What's really interesting is... | ||
| Are those as good? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I have one that can charge up your iPhone, I think, two or three times. | ||
| Your iPhone. | ||
| But what about your laptop? | ||
| Laptop, I mean, they have big battery packs. | ||
| You've had one before. | ||
| I had... | ||
| When I went hunting, I brought one with me that I didn't even wind up using because I was so tired at the end. | ||
| I was like, I am going to document this like William Shakespeare. | ||
| I'm going to be like Hemingway out there in the field. | ||
| Fuck that. | ||
| At the end of the day, you've walked 14 miles up mountains. | ||
| You're exhausted. | ||
| You don't want to do shit. | ||
| You take a shit in the woods, dig a hole, go back to your tent and pass out. | ||
| But I carried it around. | ||
| It was probably at least 10 pounds. | ||
| It was huge. | ||
| But it worked. | ||
| It worked when you need it. | ||
| You don't like typing on an iPad, I'm sure. | ||
| No, fuck iPads. | ||
| I like a button, man. | ||
| I'm a tactile person. | ||
| I like to feel buttons. | ||
| It took me a long time to get used to the iPhone. | ||
| But the iPhone's benefits of touching the screen, you know, having the full screen real estate for videos and photographs and email, it's so worth it. | ||
| It's so worth it. | ||
| Because I know that BlackBerry came out with a new one with a giant-ass screen and then the thing slides out the bottom and then you have a keyboard. | ||
| No. | ||
| Enough is enough. | ||
| You can just get the iPad Pro with a keyboard, like a real keyboard. | ||
| Yeah, but you can't save files. | ||
| You can. | ||
| No, you can't. | ||
| You can't put Microsoft Word files in a folder on your desktop. | ||
| Yeah, they have Microsoft Word now. | ||
| Not on your desktop, but you can have this. | ||
| You have to put it in the cloud. | ||
| You can have the equivalent thing. | ||
| You can? | ||
| It could be close to you. | ||
| Nowadays, it's... | ||
| Close to you? | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| No, close to that. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Similar. | ||
| Does it go in the cloud, or is it... | ||
| It probably is saved on your iPad, I bet. | ||
| You could use like the Docs app for Google or something like that. | ||
| They have pages that's on that. | ||
| And you can save it on something. | ||
| So offline use, it's cached. | ||
| And the new four-speaker system on the iPad Pro is badass. | ||
| There's four different speakers and it detects if you're holding it. | ||
| So if you're holding it on the left side, it will make the bottom left louder. | ||
| It knows where your hands are. | ||
| The only time I would ever use that, though, is in a hotel room. | ||
| In a hotel room, I have one of those little Bluetooth speakers, those tubes. | ||
| It is so good, man. | ||
| It sounds so good. | ||
| I bring that fucker with me to green rooms now. | ||
| Because sometimes you're in a green room and you listen to some CNC Music Factory and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, come on, man. | |
| This is not what I want to hear when I get ready for a show. | ||
| I want to hear my shit. | ||
| So I put on some cool music. | ||
| It's great, man. | ||
| It's great to have one of those little things because it's so small. | ||
| Has anyone ever asked you or have you ever thought of having your own playlist before you go on, I guess? | ||
| Oh, for the theater? | ||
| I don't want to infringe on the creative rights of the guy who's the sound guy. | ||
| But in that situation, you just said right now, you've got someone picking C&C Music Factory to warm up your crowd. | ||
| I'm totally making that part up. | ||
| But it could happen. | ||
| But no, there have been some bad fucking music. | ||
| There have been some bad music. | ||
| Wait, where the fuck did you get C&C music factors so randomly? | ||
| I think there's something really shitty from a long time ago. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I haven't thought about that in a while. | |
| Things that make you go, hmm. | ||
| Things that make you go, hmm. | ||
| I mean, you could have a nice little, even if you just put in your warm-up or your workout playlist and just have those rock songs with a couple of hip-hop songs. | ||
| That would be good to play for 30 minutes while someone's warming up instead of... | ||
| Anything random, Love Shack or B-50 Tuesday. | ||
| Yeah, they do that a lot. | ||
| But sometimes they get good songs. | ||
| Like, there was a place we were at the other day in Santa Barbara. | ||
| We did the Arlington Theater, which was fucking awesome. | ||
| Hinchcliffe Diaz and I did this theater in Santa Barbara. | ||
| That's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking, I love Santa Barbara. | |
| That's my spot, dude. | ||
| That is the spot. | ||
| I don't want to talk about it anymore. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I don't want to talk anymore. | ||
| I don't want anybody to know about it. | ||
| So it's such a nice city. | ||
| You know how much land you could get out there also? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get some land, grow some cattle! | |
| Woo! | ||
| But anyway, my point being, they were playing some music. | ||
| I saved it on my Shazam. | ||
| And it was some sort of Spanish music. | ||
| Like some Spanish rock that I'd never heard of before and they're singing it in Spanish. | ||
| I was like, God damn, this is awesome. | ||
| Like, whatever it is, I love it. | ||
| I don't remember what it was, though. | ||
| One Direction. | ||
| No! | ||
| No! | ||
| Can I see that lighter? | ||
| Five seconds. | ||
| Spark up my cue, then. | ||
| What'd you say, Jamie? | ||
| I'll just give another shitty bit. | ||
| It's called Middle. | ||
| It says, DJ Snake featuring Bipolar Sunshine. | ||
| Bipolar Sunshine. | ||
| What's that even mean? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But see if you can find that. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| It'll fuck us up. | ||
| Let's find it. | ||
| It'll fuck us up on YouTube? | ||
| It's got 50 million views on YouTube. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Definitely get us yanked off. | ||
| Bipolar sunshine is such as cloudy. | ||
| Can you play a little snippet of it? | ||
| I can get it for the audio. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Okay, for us? | ||
| For the audio listeners. | ||
| Okay, so the YouTube people won't hear this part? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You YouTube people. | ||
| Should I sing along so you... | ||
| Is this definitely the one that I... This does not sound like it. | ||
| How do you know what you've seen? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, that ain't it, Jamie. | |
| Oh, this is it. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| I'm sorry. | ||
| Try this. | ||
| It is A-L-E-G-R-E-2-0-0-3. | ||
| Yeah, Alegria and then there's like a little space. | ||
| 2-0-0-3. | ||
| Truby Trio. | ||
| This is what it was. | ||
| What that one was that I just said was one that just showed up at the front of Shazam and I mistakenly thought it was the last one that I Shazammed. | ||
| Is that a verb? | ||
| Shazammed. | ||
| It is now. | ||
| I fucking love Shazam. | ||
| That is such a great application. | ||
| You know you don't even have to use it anymore. | ||
| You just use Siri. | ||
| She does it now. | ||
| I don't like that bitch. | ||
| Yeah, what? | ||
| Yeah, this is it. | ||
| This is definitely it. | ||
| Does this have any hits online? | ||
| So did the YouTube people hear this? | ||
| Or no? | ||
| You don't even hear anything, YouTube people. | ||
| You're like, what is happening over there? | ||
| You're gonna have to go to it. | ||
| It sounds like drums. | ||
| No, it's good, dude. | ||
| It gets going. | ||
| But it's... | ||
| What I like about Spanish music is, uh... | ||
| I don't know what the fuck they're saying. | ||
| So it's cool. | ||
| Like, I get the emotions and I get the vibe, but it's... | ||
| Have you ever listened to Rusted Root? | ||
| Rusted Root? | ||
| That sounds like your dick. | ||
| No. | ||
| After you bang a chick was on the period. | ||
| Oh god, no. | ||
| Yeah, it was so big. | ||
| An 18 inch root? | ||
| Keep this going if the YouTube people don't hear it. | ||
| Do you think it'll get us pulled off iTunes? | ||
| That won't happen, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But Joey Diaz's cousin has a band from Cuba. | ||
| Oh, it's awesome. | ||
| They're fucking amazing. | ||
| And they're on my playlist here. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Alfonso X. X Alfonso. | ||
| It's X-A-L-P-H-O-N-S-O. They're a fucking bat... | ||
| What is that? | ||
| That's the thing that was... | ||
| The root that was pulled out of a dude's ass. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he used it for sexual play. | |
| Come on. | ||
| Cassava root. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| Well, it takes about 35 years of ass-fucking to take so much dick in your ass that it winds it up to take that root. | ||
| We're looking at a root that is about the size of Jamie's whole leg. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you had a guess. | ||
| My arm, I don't know. | ||
| Your arm? | ||
| No, go back to that. | ||
| You see that photo? | ||
| That looks more like a leg, dude. | ||
| That's like a baby... | ||
| You know what? | ||
| That's like Tate Fletcher's forearm. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like a big giant man's forearm. | ||
| That's like my dick on the boner pill right there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is it? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Same color, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Ready to explode like an Oscar Mayer wiener. | ||
| Did I tell you I used suntan lotion on my dick and it actually made my dick black, well, brown. | ||
| You mean tanner, self-tanner? | ||
| Tanner, because I didn't have any lotion and I was like, who's tanner? | ||
| It was like an ex-girlfriend's. | ||
| I'm like, well, this is lotion. | ||
| And so you turned your dick to black. | ||
| It turned it to like an orangish-brownish and it was so weird because it actually changed the color of my dick. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So between that and the boner pills, what kind of birth defects do you think your children would have? | ||
| I'm adopting an Asian girl. | ||
| You're going to go Whitney Allen style? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Don't do it. | ||
| Raise her to be an awesome girlfriend. | ||
| I was listening to this... | ||
| I was listening to this Woody Allen thing the other day. | ||
| It's Woody Allen on comedy. | ||
| It's really interesting because it's Woody Allen. | ||
| There was two things that I bought. | ||
| One of them is Woody Allen doing stand-up in like the 1960s. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| He's good. | ||
| He was a very good stand-up man. | ||
| He was a good comic. | ||
| Why are you shaking your head? | ||
| He's a whiner to me. | ||
| It wasn't that whiny back then. | ||
| It wasn't that whiny back then. | ||
| It was a different style. | ||
| I mean, it was different. | ||
| He was a different guy. | ||
| He was a young guy. | ||
| And he was known more of as a comic. | ||
| And then there's also an interview where it's just Woody Allen talking about the process of creating comedy and what he did. | ||
| And that's kind of after he had stopped. | ||
| Yeah, that's it right there. | ||
| Those are the two of them. | ||
| Woody Allen on comedy and then Woody Allen stand-up comic. | ||
| Those are the two that I was listening to back-to-back. | ||
| It's just, you know, I'm certainly not sympathetic to what he's done. | ||
| I mean, he's such a fucking weirdo in what he's done. | ||
| Just the fact that that girl was his daughter, and I guess it's so creepy to me, right? | ||
| To everybody. | ||
| But looking past that, and just trying to examine him as a human being, what a complex and weird human being he is, he's pretty fascinating. | ||
| And I don't think he's victimizing anybody else, at least as far as I know, so I don't... | ||
| I don't have any judgment. | ||
| He's not in jail, so no one's going after him, so whatever. | ||
| So I'm just watching his life, or looking at his life, and he's such a fascinating character, man. | ||
| You know, he is a jazz musician, and for a while he did a documentary before everything got real ugly, right? | ||
| Where he was going around... | ||
| Was it before everything got real ugly, or was it in the middle of it all? | ||
| But he went around playing jazz concerts. | ||
| That was always sort of like a dream that he had. | ||
| So he went around doing a bunch of jazz concerts. | ||
| And he writes all of his scripts. | ||
| Yeah, there it is. | ||
| Wild Man Blues, 1997. I wonder who named it. | ||
| Maybe it was ironic. | ||
| Is it ironic, calling him the Wild Man Blues? | ||
| Or is he really a wild man? | ||
| I wonder when, so if that's 97, when did all this controversy take place? | ||
| I think before this, right? | ||
| Well, I don't think so, because that's 20 years ago. | ||
| So 20 years ago, that girl was like 10. You know what I'm saying? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's just weird how we still celebrate Woody Allen, but yet fucking Cosby forget about it We celebrate Woody Allen at Cosby forget about well Woody Allen seems to have fallen in love with a girl that he adopted Which is just crazy 1992 That's just a quote, fling. | ||
| Okay, she responded to someone paternal Woody Allen reveals secret to his 23 year Relationship with Mia Farrow's adopted daughter which at first he thought was just a fling Woody Allen went to rail rare details about his relationship with Sun Yi They got together while he was dating her adopted mother Mia Farrow now married soon Yi 44 and Alan 79 have been together for 23 years. | ||
| Whoa, I see what she looks like so she was 21 when Eek! | ||
| Alan said, well, he's 80 there, dude. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, she's half his age, and she's 44. She likes that daddy dick. | ||
| I mean, what the fuck, man? | ||
| Yeah, she's 44, and he's 79. That is crazy. | ||
| She's almost half his age. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They've been together for 23 years. | ||
| Hold on a second. | ||
| Go back. | ||
| Go down. | ||
| No, go down. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Where it was? | ||
| Yeah, thanks. | ||
| Alan says it worked because he was paternal, which helped her flourish. | ||
| And these are in quotes. | ||
| Paternal and flourish are in quotes. | ||
| He also reveals that he thought it would be just a fling when they started. | ||
| A fling? | ||
| That means you just raped her or something. | ||
| Well, he just got away with fucking his daughter is what it was. | ||
| It's weird, man. | ||
| It's so weird. | ||
| He looks so odd in that photo, too. | ||
| And that's 92. Wait, how old was she when they adopted her? | ||
| Like 17? | ||
| Because then I can get into that. | ||
| Was this article from 92, Jamie? | ||
| No, this is... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Published 2015. Oh, why'd you say 92? | |
| No, the fling started in 1992. Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, that makes sense, because how the fuck was she... | ||
| Yeah, okay, I'm retarded. | ||
| Because in 1992, that makes sense. | ||
| Wow, that's so weird, though, dude. | ||
| So he talks about it now, and they've been married forever. | ||
| See, that's what's fucked up about it. | ||
| What's fucked up about it is it worked. | ||
| They've been together for 23 years. | ||
| They have children. | ||
| Look at that photo of them. | ||
| Let's scroll down. | ||
| Look at that photo. | ||
| They're smiling. | ||
| They're arm in arm. | ||
| They're happy together. | ||
| Like, it's fucked up, but it works. | ||
| So, like, at a certain point in time, I mean, it's not, they're not genetically related, which is always the big concern, right? | ||
| The big concern was that your genes would be, if you had sex with someone who was your actual daughter, your genes would be all fucked up, and you'd, uh, look, she's kissing him on the cheek. | ||
| She seems to love him. | ||
| But you know what I'm saying? | ||
| I mean, it's like we have these ideas of what's okay and not okay. | ||
| It certainly seems fucked up. | ||
| But if she was 21 when it happened, she was a grown woman and she decided, you know what? | ||
| I want to fuck my dad. | ||
| My sort of dad. | ||
| The guy who lives across the city. | ||
| He lives on the opposite sides of the park. | ||
| She's 17 or so in this picture. | ||
| I mean, yeah, I could see what he was doing. | ||
| He was probably fucking her, though, at this age. | ||
| That's what the problem is. | ||
| As a parental, you know, he should not be... | ||
| He might have, like, raised her to want that dick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| I mean, if you can adopt a girl at 17... | ||
| Maybe find like, I mean, that's not bad, right? | ||
| Because it's like, if you were like a parent to a kid for like six months. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I'm sure that's been done. | ||
| Wasn't it like... | ||
| Ted Nugent. | ||
| No, I was going to say, wasn't it jokingly hinted at for a long time before they actually came out and said like, I don't know, but Ted Nugent did that. | ||
| Ted Nugent adopted a girl, so like, but Google that. | ||
| There was like some crazy controversy. | ||
| That might not be a bad deal, checking out some of these orphanage websites and just finding the 17-year-old ones. | ||
| There might be something to it. | ||
| Just Google that. | ||
| He wrote songs about having sex with young ladies that were very young. | ||
| Underage Ted Nugent pic. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ew. | |
| He became her legal guardian. | ||
| That's what it is. | ||
| He didn't adopt her. | ||
| She was 17. Perfect. | ||
| He's ahead of his time. | ||
| But back then, okay, what year was this when this happened? | ||
| Alright, get rid of these photos. | ||
| Post me out. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| 1978. 78. How much different were things back then? | ||
| Do you take that into consideration? | ||
| Yeah, you have to. | ||
| Almost all the time it's hard to consider the... | ||
| That's like the context of what's going on, right? | ||
| Or the context in the culture at the time. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because we were talking about that with Socrates. | ||
| That Socrates was, you know, they were all pederasts. | ||
| They all liked to bang young boys. | ||
| It was real common back then. | ||
| But yet, no one... | ||
| No one has a little asterisk next to everything Socrates said. | ||
| You don't say, but remember, he used to bang little boys. | ||
| But if that was today, you would. | ||
| So as far as what Woody Allen did, it's creepy. | ||
| But is it bad? | ||
| It just depends when it started. | ||
| And if it started when she was 12 or something like that, then he could have like totally fucking brainwashed her to the point where now she just thinks she has to be with him or something. | ||
| And there was Mia Frau's other daughter was saying that he did something to her too, but Woody Allen was saying that, what it'll be, Us Magazine all the time? | ||
| I'm gonna stop right here. | ||
| Jamie's been talking about it all day. | ||
| How dare, yeah, Jamie. | ||
| It's Kobe Bryant's new sneakers are out. | ||
| Dude, check it out. | ||
| Last day. | ||
| Oh, shut your mouth. | ||
| How do you even know that? | ||
| $20,000 to go to that game if you want to go. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Who would pay that much money for a baseball game? | ||
| It's basketball. | ||
| Yeah, who would, man? | ||
| Some crazy Kobe fans. | ||
| There's some kids from... | ||
| They're American, but they left Italy to follow them around all year. | ||
| And they spent a bunch of money. | ||
| They haven't said how much in debt they are, but they've gone to like 30-plus games all over the country. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| Some crazy fans he has. | ||
| A lot of them are Asian, though. | ||
| He did a really good job marketing himself in Asia. | ||
| Did he? | ||
| How did he do that? | ||
| Nike. | ||
| They took him over there every year in the off season and go play and do like exhibitions and whatnot. | ||
| And they were doing it to get the Asian market into the NBA, and it worked. | ||
| They make a lot of money off the Asian market, way more than I would say they make in the United States. | ||
| Obviously there's more people there, but they love basketball there. | ||
| Stephon Marbury left the United States, went and made a lot of money there. | ||
| He's going to retire as one of the most famous Hall of Famers in Chinese basketball. | ||
| What happened to Lynn Sanity? | ||
| Obviously I'm on the outside. | ||
| I don't hear about that dude anymore. | ||
| He's in Charlotte right now, that's why. | ||
| But what's happening? | ||
| Is he doing well? | ||
| He's okay. | ||
| He's just an average really good point guard. | ||
| What the fuck happened during that one time where he just... | ||
| He was in New York. | ||
| And what was he doing? | ||
| He just kept hitting three-pointers or something? | ||
| He had a really good streak of like ten games where he played extremely well and they needed some hype to avoid and he was playing into the hype and it worked out. | ||
| And now it's over? | ||
| It's not that it's over, it's just there's other things to talk about. | ||
| Yeah, but how come, like, me on the outside, I find out about athletes when they're in trouble or they do something crazy. | ||
| They have to do something, like, really good. | ||
| Like, that's the only time I... And I remember thinking, well... | ||
| Brian, you'd like this guy. | ||
| I remember thinking, well, look at there! | ||
| Finally, you know, the Asian people have some super fucking badass basketball player other than the giant guy. | ||
| This is what he was doing. | ||
| He was, like, doing a crazy hairstyle this year. | ||
| So he's, like, Dragon Ball Z out his hair. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This year. | ||
| Crazy spiky hair, but like I said, he's playing in Charlotte, which is a smaller market, so there's less people talking about it. | ||
| When he was playing in L.A., which he did a couple years ago, after the whole thing happened, which was part of getting the Asian market into playing in the NBA and liking the Lakers, there's a lot of Asian people in L.A. that they could get money off of. | ||
| So he was in New York, he went to L.A., he played in Houston for a little while, but now he's stuck in Charlotte, which is why you don't hear about him. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Well, also, he hasn't been setting the world on fire. | ||
| Right, and they're not one of the top teams. | ||
| But they play against the top teams, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So if he was, like, super awesome, you'd hear about it. | ||
| Right, and you still do. | ||
| If you'd tune into SportsCenter and see the top ten or something like that, you would hear about his name here and there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| He's just kind of like Fouquet. | ||
| Pho-kay? | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| He's okay? | ||
| That was a pun. | ||
| That was a Hinchcliffe. | ||
| I didn't get it. | ||
| Pho-kay? | ||
| Why pho? | ||
| You're not soup. | ||
| Oh, that's soup? | ||
| That's Vietnamese. | ||
| He's not Vietnamese. | ||
| Yeah, he was racist. | ||
| Not only that, I don't think it's pho. | ||
| I think it's really, you say pho. | ||
| Pho. | ||
| Yeah, which... | ||
| Hey, listen. | ||
| Spell it different. | ||
| I know, gyro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about that? | |
| Yeah, why do you think you can get away with using our words different? | ||
| You know? | ||
| You're over here using our language, huh? | ||
| What'd you get your own fucking way to say an R? So wait, if it's fa? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So then why do so many of the faux restaurants always use it as its faux? | ||
| Because they know that we're stupid. | ||
| And we don't bother researching what the actual word means. | ||
| It's like, how many people called Hoist Gracie Royce Gracie? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because they were unaware that you have to pronounce the R like an H when you speak in Portuguese? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like how Joey Diaz always 100% says gyros, and he has to know. | ||
| Get a fucking gyro. | ||
| I've been having these fucking gyros lately, dawg. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Joey Diaz, do whatever he wants. | ||
| I like when he screws up people's names. | ||
| It's half the fun. | ||
| Half the fun. | ||
| Where the fuck's Dom Herrera? | ||
| He's supposed to be here. | ||
| He's gonna text me. | ||
| I was trying to ask you yesterday, Joe, about this Facebook camera and what you thought about it. | ||
| I showed it to you. | ||
| It's 17 cameras put together in one. | ||
| It's called the Facebook camera. | ||
| They announced it. | ||
| They're not selling it or anything like that. | ||
| It's going to cost $30,000 to put it all together, but supposedly it's going to make seamless 360 video. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| So people can watch it. | ||
| Well, how long before that flies around? | ||
| Yeah, so if you could put it on a drone, that'd be pretty cool. | ||
| Dude, that looks like a UFO. I mean, this thing that you're showing me right now looks exactly like a classic UFO. Doesn't it? | ||
| Yeah, definitely. | ||
| Like, if they could figure out a way to make that, like, put some sort of a inside fan that makes that thing hover and move around, that looks like a UFO. They sell one, that's like that one that they sell kind of like at Best Buy or Amazon, though. | ||
| It's the same idea where it just records like a 360 thing, but you can't really do anything with a video other than the VR. Yeah, there's a lot of trouble right now going into it. | ||
| When we brought this up the other day, a lot of people were asking us, hey, you guys should do it. | ||
| It'd be totally awesome, which it would be cool for us, but there's a lot of hurdles to get to. | ||
| Well, you had a real good point, too. | ||
| We said, remember when people were going, how come everything isn't on 3D TV? What about 3D TV? Why aren't you doing your show on 3D TV? Now, try to find a 3D TV. Nobody has one. | ||
| He hasn't killed the 3D broadcasting, which they probably only did twice. | ||
| It's not ready. | ||
| None of that stuff's ready. | ||
| But I think it's going to be like Oculus Rift. | ||
| Like, it wasn't ready until it's ready. | ||
| You know, like, for the longest time when we were kids, virtual reality was a thing. | ||
| Like, there was even a movie. | ||
| Was it Lawnmower Man? | ||
| Lawnmower Man, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, it was based on, like, we thought, oh my god, any day now we're going to be in virtual reality. | ||
| And it never took place because the computing power and the graphics and everything just wasn't ready. | ||
| But now that it is ready, like that NVIDIA demonstration that they did with all the crazy shit that you can do with virtual reality and those Oculus Rift goggles, what is that, dude? | ||
| Lawnmower Man. | ||
| That is Lawnmower Man? | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Was it that cheesy looking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| It used the same animators from Beyond the Mind's Eye, if you ever watched that. | ||
| That guy that was in Lawnmower Man, the guy on the right, that dude was in a bunch of movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was one of those movie stars, and I don't remember his name. | ||
| I don't know his name either. | ||
| I don't know who he is, but that guy was in some big ass movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was always like the creepy guy. | |
| He's one of those dudes like the Dude Where's My Car guy. | ||
| After he's not doing those movies anymore, it becomes like, hey, or American Pie, the American Pie guy. | ||
| Jeff Leahy. | ||
| Oh, Jeff Leahy. | ||
| Well, he's actually pretty famous. | ||
| I remember his name. | ||
| It's just me. | ||
| I forgot his name. | ||
| That guy's been in everything, though. | ||
| Talking about Stifler. | ||
| Yeah, Stifler. | ||
| What happened to Stifler? | ||
| I just saw a video on him yesterday on why he hasn't been marketed. | ||
| He just had a couple quote-unquote bad roles, if you will, where the movies failed, where he was like a leading man. | ||
| But he's been in all the Ice Age movies. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's still doing pretty well for himself, I'm sure. | |
| We'll end this on a nice feel-good moment, Jamie. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| Alright, Dom Herrera is going to be here next. | ||
| We're going to pause this bitch for a moment and then bring in the great Dom Herrera. | ||
| These Desquad.tv mugs that Brian brought in, how long are they for sale for? | ||
| They've just got a new shipment in, so the big ones are on sale. | ||
| And this shirt, which is the original Desquad shirt, but it's remixed in hat. | ||
| All sent to you via stamps.com. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Go to deskwad.tv for more info. | ||
| Brian is tonight at the... | ||
| Irvine Improv and tomorrow at the La Jolla Comedy Store. | ||
| With George Perez, right? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Tonight's Dean Del Rey, Joe Bartnick, and tomorrow's Sean Halpin. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| Excellent comedians. | ||
| Excellent show. | ||
| Go check that shit out, deskwad.tv. | ||
| Brian is redband on Twitter. | ||
| Young Jamie, for some reason, has not taken the Young Jamie Twitter name. | ||
| I have it. | ||
| It's just I decided not to use it. | ||
| Nonsense! | ||
| It seems silly. | ||
| It is your name! | ||
| You are Young Jamie! | ||
| Someday you're going to be like Bertrand Russell. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They called me Young Jamie, and for the first 50 years, I resisted the moniker. | |
| I'll get stuck with Young for my whole life, and I won't be... | ||
| You are Young Jamie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's who you are, bro. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| I'll take it. | ||
| Okay, it's a good name. | ||
| You're a handsome fella. | ||
| All right, fuckers. | ||
| We'll be back in a little bit with the great Dom Herrera. | ||
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unidentified
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See ya! |
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