March 15, 2016 - The Joe Rogan Experience
03:15:22
Participants
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Was she hot though? | |
| Like a bag of water. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| Boys! | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| First of all, that is a beautiful t-shirt you're wearing there, Mr. Sharp. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you, sir. | |
| It's got the newest version of the Master Kim shirt. | ||
| Not out yet. | ||
| Accentuates his tits. | ||
| That's a fucking dope tiger, man. | ||
| It's like sort of a half-dragon-y tiger thing going on. | ||
| Very Asian, with an Asian T-Fat K. Yeah, man. | ||
| Who's doing your artwork? | ||
| I got a couple of guys. | ||
| This one I collabed with a guy, his name's on Instagram, Painted Demons. | ||
| And so the two guys I used, they're both from Tap Out, back in the Tap Out, Tap Out days. | ||
| Justin and this guy painted demons. | ||
| Jettisoned. | ||
| Floating out into the sun. | ||
| The world of t-shirts. | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| The tap out thing is so strange. | ||
| It's like, there's a few companies like that, right? | ||
| Like Von Dutch. | ||
| Remember Von Dutch? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And then Von Dutch became Ed Hardy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, is that what happened? | |
| Not really. | ||
| No, but you know what I mean. | ||
| The people that would have worn Van Dutch if they had been five years younger were now wearing Ed Hardy. | ||
| They call him Ed Retardy. | ||
| I don't know why. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, Ed Hardy was a legit tattoo artist. | |
| Super legit. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, he's like a famous tattoo. | ||
| I think he's dead. | ||
| Is he dead? | ||
| Well, the kind of guys that wear, like, they're usually... | ||
| Easy, I used to wear some Ed Hardy. | ||
| But they're usually super muscular guys. | ||
| Shave their forearms. | ||
| They got the skin like a hot dog, to use your term. | ||
| You're talking Jersey Shore. | ||
| Here's the deal. | ||
| I mean, we can demonize those guys all day long, and we do, and it's funny. | ||
| But they're just trying to get laid. | ||
| The only reason why... | ||
| We wouldn't wear those things if we were all going camping together. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| You don't wear rhinestones because you're looking to fuck your body. | ||
| Dude, they've done studies that when a man wears jewelry... | ||
| Don Ed Hardy, born in 1945. He's still alive? | ||
| I bet your sweet ass he's alive. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| He looks a lot younger there. | ||
| No, that's not him. | ||
| I'm kidding, I'm kidding. | ||
| That's a different guy with a shitty shirt on. | ||
| He's known for those sailor tattoos. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| The original sailor tattoos. | ||
| Yeah, he was like one of the great Americana tattoo artists. | ||
| He would make those really cool, like his stuff was not realistic looking at all. | ||
| It was like cartoonish. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
| Powerful motherfucker. | ||
| He looks awesome. | ||
| He made bank. | ||
| He looks like a closet pervert. | ||
| Yeah, it's just weird that a tattoo artist, like I knew him from the tattoo magazines. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because before I ever got a tattoo, I was like really into tattoos. | ||
| I'd buy the magazines and check out all the really cool artworks, like Paul Booth. | ||
| You ever see that guy? | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| From down in New Jersey? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Goddamn that guy. | ||
| That guy, he won't let you tell him what to draw. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You just gotta trust him? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Damn! | ||
| He's got a style, and his style is like demonic, white eyeballs, black and gray, really cool, super detailed, amazing tattoos. | ||
| Look at this fucking guy. | ||
| Look what he looks like, Paul Booth. | ||
| He doesn't look like he's gonna take no for an answer. | ||
| I'm using your body as an experiment. | ||
| Damn, look at that poster in the back. | ||
| Fighting terrorism since 1490. That's American Indians. | ||
| Yeah, that's Native American. | ||
| I had a t-shirt like that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah, I stopped wearing it. | ||
| Sick. | ||
| I felt like, what is this message I'm doing? | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| I might sleeve out just because I want to be 49 and sleeved. | ||
| I'm 48 and sleeved. | ||
| Yeah, but somehow it fits you. | ||
| I like tattoos. | ||
| If you like tattoos, it fits you. | ||
| I love the artwork. | ||
| I love the art that goes into it, man. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| And as I get older, I like girls that are tattooed up. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I didn't used to like them. | ||
| I've always loved them. | ||
| I used to be like, oh, you crazy damaged bitch. | ||
| Nah. | ||
| But then I'm like, wait a minute. | ||
| I'm a crazy damaged bitch too. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Guys are crazy damaged too. | ||
| The only website I ever bought, like, you know, like subscribed to where I used a credit card to get access is Suicide Girls. | ||
| That's how much they turn me on. | ||
| But that's just pictures, right? | ||
| They don't even... | ||
| No, just pictures. | ||
| You're just jacking off the pictures? | ||
| I didn't jack off. | ||
| I just would look at them and be like, that was my girlfriend. | ||
| No, you jacked off for sure. | ||
| Otherwise, why would you get it? | ||
| Well, I'm a chronic masturbator, but I have YouTube or, you know, fucking RedTube and all that stuff for that. | ||
| Well, you know what? | ||
| There's an attraction to a girl that covers her back and her arms with tattoos for some reason because this girl doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| She's a badass. | ||
| Well, she knows that this is permanent and she's like, yeah, whatever. | ||
| Draw on me. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Pull up some pictures of that Paul Booth stuff because some of his stuff is insane. | ||
| He did that dude who... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking wow. | |
| Yeah, look at that. | ||
| Like that kind of shit. | ||
| Hey man, you're not putting that on my body though. | ||
| I'm gonna need to see the artwork before you put it on me. | ||
| It's really good though. | ||
| No, but he's so good, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| People wait for years. | ||
| Hold on, back up to that one with the tentacles. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn, that shit is sick. | |
| Look how insane that is. | ||
| Go full screen with that please. | ||
| That's fucking dope. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| See, I would get that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God. | |
| Do it, Callan. | ||
| But you'd be like, why is Brian doing that? | ||
| Well, why isn't he? | ||
| See, that's your problem. | ||
| Let me tell you what your problem is. | ||
| What? | ||
| This is your problem. | ||
| You worry about what people think. | ||
| Well, that shit ain't good for you. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know that that's true. | ||
| Yeah, you do. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| That's why you don't have a nice car, and that's why you wear weird shoes that zip up on the sides. | ||
| Getting a Tesla. | ||
| I'm getting a Tesla. | ||
| He is getting a Tesla. | ||
| He ordered it. | ||
| I ordered it. | ||
| They fucking drive themselves. | ||
| You know that, right? | ||
| I got that. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know how crazy it is? | ||
| I got the autopilot. | ||
| Talk to Tom Papa about it. | ||
| Yeah, well, I'm getting one. | ||
| I'm picking it up on March 31st. | ||
| My buddy Matt, Matt Lichtenberg, he's got one, and he said he gets on the highway, you press a button twice, I guess, it drives itself, and he just starts texting people. | ||
| Not for me, man. | ||
| It's just not for me. | ||
| I said to the guy, he explained it to me at the Tesla dealership, and I said, I wouldn't use that, and he said, oh, yes, you will. | ||
| Like, he was from the future. | ||
| Especially you and how much traffic you're in, it makes sense. | ||
| Well, listen man, when you have a nice car, it makes driving a fun experience. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Whereas if you have a... | ||
| Look, there's nothing wrong with just having a utilitarian car. | ||
| You know, Brock Lesnar used to drive around in like... | ||
| It was like a Chevy Citation or something like that. | ||
| It was like some weird little red fucking compact car. | ||
| That guy used to get in that thing. | ||
| And he's... | ||
| What? | ||
| All of 300 pounds. | ||
| He's enormous. | ||
| He makes me, when I stand next to him, we're not the same species. | ||
| It's a totally different kind of human being. | ||
| He'll make you rethink your career. | ||
| I've never seen him, I was like, maybe this isn't for me. | ||
| I've shaken some people's hands before, like Shaq. | ||
| He shook Shaq's hands. | ||
| But there's two guys, Shane Carwin and Lesnar. | ||
| Both those guys. | ||
| You shake their hand and you go, okay... | ||
| We're not the same. | ||
| Try getting hit with one of those fucking meat shovels. | ||
| I can't imagine that you did. | ||
| Meat shovels. | ||
| I can't imagine that you did. | ||
| I think with cars, for me, because I didn't grow up with any cars, like my parents were never into cars. | ||
| So if you don't know the difference, like sometimes you got to know the difference. | ||
| Oh, like grow up with it? | ||
| Yeah, I didn't grow up with it. | ||
| I just didn't grow up with... | ||
| I don't think I've ever driven a fast car. | ||
| I drove a Porsche once in traffic, and I couldn't open it up, so I didn't... | ||
| I just don't... | ||
| I didn't grow up appreciating what the car was. | ||
| Listen, he tried asking to drive my car, like, fuck no, son. | ||
| You should take his car up to Little Tujunga. | ||
| Do you drive a stick? | ||
| I do, yeah. | ||
| I learned on a stick. | ||
| Listen, I'll let you drive the GT3. It'll change your life. | ||
| He'd be like crazy eyes on fucking Mr. Deeds. | ||
| I'm sure I'd love it. | ||
| He would ruin your car. | ||
| No, he drives good. | ||
| He's a good driver. | ||
| But you would understand. | ||
| Maybe the Tesla's the beginning of my... | ||
| Oh, the Tesla's really fast. | ||
| Super fast. | ||
| One of the fastest cars in the world, especially if you download that app. | ||
| Stupid, stupid fast. | ||
| Well, he told me that they can... | ||
| Like, if I want it faster, they can upgrade it. | ||
| Yeah, there's some insane mode. | ||
| I don't think you need that, though. | ||
| Ludicrous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ludicrous mode. | |
| I don't think you need that, though. | ||
| 2.8 seconds. | ||
| Zero to 60 in 2.8 seconds. | ||
| That's so crazy for a big four-door sedan. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| For a four-door sedan to hit 60 in less than three seconds and with no sound. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| There's no rumble. | ||
| There's no explosion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like... | |
| There are two things I wish I want to start wearing, but it's too late for me. | ||
| It's not too late. | ||
| I want that tattoo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Get it. | |
| We can do it. | ||
| Well, he won't do it. | ||
| He might do it, but he might do something better. | ||
| You just got to go to him. | ||
| Well, I also want to wear... | ||
| Dude, I can't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't do that. | |
| Just trust him. | ||
| Bro, I don't fucking like snakes. | ||
| Sorry, bro. | ||
| That's what you get. | ||
| That's how it works? | ||
| Maybe you could say, look, my mom was killed by a snake. | ||
| Could you lay off the snakes? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| And he would just do like bats or some shit. | ||
| Or is he like, now you're going to get what you're going to get. | ||
| It's a snake Wednesday. | ||
| I mean, he's a fucking artist, essentially. | ||
| I mean, not essentially, 100%. | ||
| And he looks at his art and he says, you know what, man? | ||
| People commission me to do pieces and this is what I want to do. | ||
| So I'm just going to say, I'm only going to take that work. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Maybe I'm wrong, though. | ||
| I mean, I believe that's how he does it. | ||
| I've heard that before. | ||
| I appreciate that. | ||
| I don't think there's any bigger artists than in Southern Cal for tattoo artists. | ||
| It's the scene, man. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It's a great spot. | ||
| If not the best in the world. | ||
| I mean, it is fucking killers here. | ||
| Tattoos are a form of- Shamrock, you got Cartoon, you got in OC, you got some killers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of- Kat Von D. All over the country right now, there's a resurgence in tattooing. | ||
| Like, tattooing over the last few decades has become like a really respected art form. | ||
| Instead of just like, a lot of them were like weirdo fringe type artists who just were really into it, but there's a stigma attached to it. | ||
| You know, there's always a stigma attached to being tattooed up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, and now it's not. | ||
| Like, if you have tattoos, like, Aaron Del of Adobe did this, and this is like 50 hours of work. | ||
|
unidentified
|
True. | |
| You know, and he planned it all out as one sleeve. | ||
| He did this one, too. | ||
| He does both of my arms. | ||
| Really good color. | ||
| I think a lot of it is... | ||
| But he's a friend, too. | ||
| So, like, I go down there, we hang... | ||
| He's cool as fuck. | ||
| He's an amazing artist. | ||
| You get a close bond with your tattoo artist. | ||
| Mine's Freddy Negretti, who's done all this, from Shamrock Social Club in Hollywood there. | ||
| He grew up rough, man. | ||
| He started tattooing in prison, so he's a rough dude. | ||
| But the first hour with him, I was like, God, this is the worst. | ||
| He wasn't talking to me. | ||
| He was kind of mean. | ||
| I was like, fuck, it's going to be a long time. | ||
| But then he opened up, and he's my boy now, man. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| He was mean. | ||
| Just a straight vato man. | ||
| Just gangster. | ||
| Yeah, he's great, man. | ||
| Maybe he was worried that you were like a dumb jock type character. | ||
| 100%, yeah. | ||
| You're very deceiving in that way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, he is. | |
| A lot of people have the wrong idea of you. | ||
| And also, people get mad at you from podcasts. | ||
| Ladies and gentlemen, I know it's fun to hate, and I've done it before. | ||
| But you gotta understand, we play up shit. | ||
| When you ramp things up, you say ridiculous shit, he knows what he's doing. | ||
| He's doing it because it's ridiculous to say. | ||
| Yeah, I want the reaction. | ||
| He's a natural showman. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's so much fun. | ||
| Comedy is about exaggeration sometimes. | ||
| A lot of it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A lot of it is. | ||
| I mean, that's some of the funnest shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But I think tattoos for me is, I think, uh, one, I didn't, I don't know that I express tattooing. | ||
| I don't know that there's anything I, I can, I can never make up a mind, first of all, what I'd want on my body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's timidity. | |
| You're making it too big of a deal. | ||
| Like, I don't give a, it's cool, it's art. | ||
| What looks so good about your arm by itself? | ||
| Well, the muscle. | ||
| Look at the distriation and the foot separation. | ||
| Even if you have a nice arm. | ||
| If you have a nice arm. | ||
| If you have a big muscle, your arms fit. | ||
| I mean, you're fit. | ||
| You're a fit guy. | ||
| But it's his skin. | ||
| Okay, you go to a great artist and you have art on your body. | ||
| What would I get? | ||
| It's permanent art. | ||
| Forever. | ||
| You get whatever you want. | ||
| Why don't you guys both get fighter and the kid tattoos? | ||
| Boom, son. | ||
| You know, once we get to 10 million downloads, he has to get a tattoo. | ||
| That was the deal. | ||
| We made that bet. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| Wow. | ||
| Lucky not on my show. | ||
| Me and a Tesla with a Tesla. | ||
| What are you gonna get? | ||
| I don't fucking know. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| I'm gonna go all out. | ||
| I'm gonna go balls out and just get Medusa on my back. | ||
| Medusa? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know who Medusa is? | ||
| Like a big one? | ||
| Of course I know who Medusa is. | ||
| He's a goddamn American. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| You know who King Kong is? | ||
| Bro, you ever heard of King Kong? | ||
| Are you familiar with Bigfoot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You need to know about gorillas, bro. | |
| Sorry, everybody. | ||
| You ever see Lassie, bro? | ||
| You never saw Lassie? | ||
| You know Flipper's not a fish, right? | ||
| It'd be funny if I got Lassie. | ||
| Do you know who Medusa is? | ||
| That's a big smiley Lassie. | ||
| Who's that shitty dog? | ||
| That's Lassie. | ||
| I got Lassie on my back. | ||
| Doesn't Cerrone have Lassie on his back? | ||
| He should. | ||
| No, no, he has a pit bull. | ||
| It was his pit bull when he was a kid. | ||
| Oh, my bad. | ||
| It's like, no, I don't think so, man. | ||
| There's some shitty dogs. | ||
| It's a good tattoo of his dog. | ||
| That's his dog from when he was a kid? | ||
| Yeah, it passed away. | ||
| I'd like to get something silly. | ||
| Maybe a cow. | ||
| Ari Shafir got Keep On Truckin' tattooed on his body. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| On his hip. | ||
| Dude, I love that shit. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| What else can I get? | ||
| Dude, there's some great tattoos in the UFC and there's some terrible tattoos in the UFC. Yeah, let's be nice. | ||
| Crystalia, let's be nice. | ||
| I'm not calling anyone out. | ||
| Hey, I have some shitty tattoos myself, man. | ||
| Conor McGregor can slow down a little bit. | ||
| The one on the stomach is a little too real for me. | ||
| It needs to look like a tattoo. | ||
| Well, the tiger on the stomach and then the McGregor above it. | ||
| And he gave up his abs. | ||
| That's what bothers me. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| People kill themselves for that abs. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I could have done without the crown being that up his neck. | ||
| No, that's gangster. | ||
| See, I like that. | ||
| I would love a neck tattoo. | ||
| I like the straight blast gym gorilla. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| And then the crown on top of it. | ||
| I think that's bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| That's my favorite tattoo. | ||
| I like the writing up his back. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Well, that's weird. | ||
| And I like symmetry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
How much do you like it? | |
| Like, do suicide girls like it? | ||
| Yeah, like, do I crouch and jerk off? | ||
| Like, would you pay money for a website that his photos? | ||
| Does your wife have any tats? | ||
| No. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I'm going to get her a tattoo that says, mine. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh. | |
| Anybody could use that one, though. | ||
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| You put Callens. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, mine. | |
| Now, mine. | ||
| Mine. | ||
| Women don't like that. | ||
| They don't like to be owned. | ||
| Yeah, at my wedding, I said... | ||
| Depends which one. | ||
| Ones with tattoos do. | ||
| At my wedding, I made a speech and thanked my parents and everybody, and I stopped, and I went, Amanda, you are... | ||
| And I was waiting, and they were bracing. | ||
| I was going to say something really sweet. | ||
| I went, Amanda, you are my property now. | ||
| And that's what this is about, isn't it, folks? | ||
| And everybody started laughing. | ||
| Did you get a dowry? | ||
| I did not get a dowry. | ||
| That's how it used to be. | ||
| You married your daughter off. | ||
| Daughters are so useless. | ||
| You gotta give stuff. | ||
| Hey, you know who cries at weddings? | ||
| This guy. | ||
| Aw, sweetie. | ||
| I could not. | ||
| I cried. | ||
| I don't know what it is about weddings. | ||
| Divorce. | ||
| You know divorce is coming. | ||
| Yeah, because you know it's not going to end well. | ||
| At my sister's wedding, I was in the wedding and I was... | ||
| Well, it's your sister. | ||
| But that's the reason why they used to give away a dowry was because the woman was thought of as being less valuable than the man, right? | ||
| Because times were tough and people were dying in war and famine and fucking sword fights and shit. | ||
| And so if you had daughters, the way you would marry them off to a good person, you'd have to give them something. | ||
| You'd give the dude something to marry your daughter. | ||
| It was also a way of joining families. | ||
| But that was the way! | ||
| You'd give like, oh, here's my daughter and here's a bag full of gold coins. | ||
| A ton of cash. | ||
| But that was the way. | ||
| That was like super common. | ||
| Dude, let's bring this shit back. | ||
| But it didn't go the other way. | ||
| That's what's happening. | ||
| What's fascinating about modern culture is the divorce is horrific for men. | ||
| Marriage and divorce can often be horrific for men financially. | ||
| And just from the limited amount of exchanges I've had with friends that have been divorced, it's fucking horrific. | ||
| The amount of money they lose is insane. | ||
| Especially in California. | ||
| And the amount of money they have to give off. | ||
| Because, you know, we know a few people that have done well and made good money. | ||
| And then, you know, it doesn't go well when it comes to the divorce. | ||
| And you find out the sums of money they have to pay out. | ||
| Well, you have to maintain their lifestyle when you guys were together. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And if you're a fighter, I have a fighter friend who went through a divorce. | ||
| And at the time when he was with her, you know, he's a badass making bank. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, that career is over, you know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's tough, man. | ||
| It is tough. | ||
| It's just crazy. | ||
| For athletes especially. | ||
| But it's weird how it's switched around. | ||
| Like it used to be that the man would get a lot out of getting married to the woman. | ||
| So it'd be like worth something. | ||
| It'd be like a big thing. | ||
| Like they had to give up a dowry. | ||
| And now it becomes the woman, if she decides, you know, there's a lot of power in that. | ||
| Especially if you marry like a rich guy. | ||
| You know, you marry some Donald Trump character. | ||
| Even if he's got a lockdown fucking prenup. | ||
| You're still set, son. | ||
| You're getting cash. | ||
| Especially if you have a kid. | ||
| Yeah, he'll give you a few mil just to get the fuck away from this. | ||
| If Donald Trump writes you a check for two million bucks, he makes that in a month. | ||
| That ain't no thing to him. | ||
| Probably not even a month. | ||
| He probably makes it in a week. | ||
| When you've got four billion dollars, that's four thousand million dollars. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| It's kind of crazy. | ||
| Apparently he doesn't have that much money, but yeah. | ||
| But that's what he's worth. | ||
| There are people that do. | ||
| Well, he says he's worth 10, but they say he's probably worth 4. I've read estimates that he, if you actually look at, if you take out the debt and everything and how much he puts into his business, if you actually looked at what he has money-wise, it's closer to $200 million. | ||
| Broke-ass bitch. | ||
| Fucking scrub. | ||
| 200 million. | ||
| That's people hating on him. | ||
| That was according to John Oliver and some other stuff I read. | ||
| Haters. | ||
| How do they know? | ||
| How do they totally really know? | ||
| It's a tough thing to figure out, but you can apparently look at his assets. | ||
| He's not releasing his numbers. | ||
| And then you can look at how much it costs. | ||
| You can estimate what it would cost to run those based on employees and insurance and all that. | ||
| And then they have to, a lot of times, I think a lot of companies, I mean, certainly if they're public, but I don't know private, but there are Statements. | ||
| There are public tax statements. | ||
| Fucking poor Trump, man. | ||
| Struggle is real. | ||
| You say only 200 mil? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fucking A. But I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I just think we don't know, so we probably should be throwing numbers around. | ||
| Either way, he's rich as fuck. | ||
| You know what's hilarious, man? | ||
| I watched a little bit of the Democrat debate. | ||
| I usually don't like debates. | ||
| But Bernie Sanders sent it home. | ||
| Sent it home on Hillary Clinton. | ||
| Dude, there's some shit that she just couldn't say nothing about. | ||
| When they were talking about the pharmaceutical industries and the banking industry, the banking industry in particular, he was talking about That's what it was. | ||
| He was talking about the speeches that she gives for hundreds of thousands of dollars. | ||
| And then he's talking about how many... | ||
| Why can't we get the transcripts from these speeches? | ||
| What an amazing speech it must have been to be worth $250,000 or whatever the fuck it was. | ||
| Damn, son. | ||
| And Hillary was nervous as fuck. | ||
| She threw a cough drop in her mouth. | ||
| She's sweating and like half fake smiling. | ||
| She can't say anything. | ||
| He's like, you can read the transcripts of all the times I've performed and did speeches in front of the banking industry because there are none! | ||
| Damn, son. | ||
| This is a guy who took his vacation with his wife in the Soviet Union. | ||
| Yeah, he's an interesting guy. | ||
| He's a very interesting guy. | ||
| There's a site I tweeted out last night. | ||
| It's called isidewith.com. | ||
| I'm not too into politics. | ||
| We go to this, and they have all the major issues, and you click multiple choice, what you think is major, and it goes through all of them. | ||
| And then it says who you most likely should vote for. | ||
| It gives you a percentage. | ||
| It's pretty dope. | ||
| Well, see, my feeling about Hillary is she seems like business as usual. | ||
| Yeah, I agree. | ||
| Whether she would be good or not, she's 100% business as usual. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's a politician, yeah. | |
| And I think that is the last shit this country needs right now, is this same system. | ||
| So you're trying to bring in Trump? | ||
| I would bring in Bernie or Trump before I'd bring in Hillary. | ||
| Although, I'd bring in Bernie. | ||
| I'd bring in Bernie. | ||
| Because I think that he would shake shit up culturally. | ||
| I don't know if that's the best thing, though. | ||
| See, but here's the thing. | ||
| He can't do that. | ||
| He can't really pass all that. | ||
| You need Congress. | ||
| There's a lot of steps. | ||
| And the idea of what he's trying to tax, socialism, it's kind of crazy. | ||
| It defies human nature. | ||
| Because human nature, when you give people a way to not have to work for things, they do. | ||
| And there's some people that fall upon hard times. | ||
| There's some people that get a bad break, a bum steer in life. | ||
| There's a bunch of people that are doing poorly that it's not their fault. | ||
| But there's also a bunch of people that are just fucking lazy. | ||
| That's probably the majority, wouldn't you say? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know what the numbers are. | ||
| I've never examined them. | ||
| The bottom line is you don't want to penalize people that produce. | ||
| Yes, exactly. | ||
| And you don't want to tax people that produce who also create wealth. | ||
| You don't want to tax them 75% the way France under Hollande is trying to do and has done. | ||
| It just doesn't work out because people that produce will stop producing. | ||
| If I have to work 75% of my day for someone else, for the greater good... | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| We've seen how that works in... | ||
| Just pick up a history book. | ||
| It doesn't work that well. | ||
| How old is Bernie? | ||
| He's old as fuck. | ||
| His ass ain't gonna make it very long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's officially old as fuck. | |
| I think the bigger question should always be, rather than Bernie, or just ask yourself to what percentage. | ||
| What percentage are you willing to give your power and your money? | ||
| Like, is it 50%? | ||
| Dude, I'm telling you, you go to this site, for me, I have no fucking investment in this site, but you go to this site and it literally breaks it down. | ||
| It's a lot of stuff I didn't know about. | ||
| It breaks down very simple, and you're just multiple choice, and it shows, boom, this is who believes in the way you do, and this is who you should vote for. | ||
| So who believes in the way you do? | ||
| Fuck, man. | ||
| The one I would never think. | ||
| Hillary Clinton. | ||
| See, but here's the thing. | ||
| She's a centrist. | ||
| You can't tell what she really believes in. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| What's the way she would vote? | ||
| Did you say what she said about Nancy Reagan and Ronald Reagan? | ||
| Mm-mm. | ||
| Fucking liberals are abandoning her now. | ||
| Because she was trying to say that Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan opened up the conversation about AIDS during the 80s. | ||
| That is total bullshit. | ||
| Not only is it total bullshit, Silence is Death is like a campaign because they weren't talking about it. | ||
| They wouldn't talk about AIDS for fucking years. | ||
| Yeah, it's trouble. | ||
| For like two years. | ||
| I remember it very well. | ||
| And that wasn't a good administration just because Nancy died. | ||
| Yeah, she died and I bet she was a nice lady. | ||
| You know, she was really in astrology and she was married to a president. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| We're done here. | ||
| You don't have to lie about them opening up some sort of a fucking dialogue with this country about AIDS. That's just not what they did. | ||
| Hillary's biggest liability is that people don't trust her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's just not likable. | |
| Based on her history. | ||
| That was another thing in the debate. | ||
| They said 37%. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That is insanely low. | ||
| She's behaved in a corrupt way. | ||
| Trust her. | ||
| Only 37% trust her. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Women don't trust her. | |
| Women trust her less. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| She needs a stylist. | ||
| But here's the biggest thing. | ||
| All of them do. | ||
| If she is more like Obama, if you look at the past six years, the economy right now is not doing terribly. | ||
| And this is a guy who believes probably I'm a little bit more to the right, at least fiscally, than someone like Obama. | ||
| But I have to say that, you know, I was preaching about how, you know, under Obama, if you look at his policies, the government's going to grow. | ||
| The government, because of a lot of factors, it's not just Obama, but If you look at a lot of measures for how government has grown, it's kind of stayed exactly flatlined in the past six years. | ||
| It hasn't grown. | ||
| A lot of that's because we don't have as big a tax base and things like that. | ||
| But there are a lot of factors that go into it. | ||
| But you know what? | ||
| In six years, it's not like the economy is a disaster. | ||
| By a lot of measures, the economy is doing really well. | ||
| So that's hard for conservatives to argue with. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But let me just... | ||
| What's the word? | ||
| Blind allegiance? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Devil's advocate. | ||
| Blind allegiance popped into my head. | ||
| I'm like, why is that word? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Awesome word, though. | ||
| That's the wrong one. | ||
| But if you look at it from a Republican point of view, one thing that could be easily argued is there's a common cycle of recession and financial gain. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And this is exactly what happens after a downfall. | ||
| So the downfall of our economy in 2008, I don't know shit about finance, but I've read a bunch of stuff that people do know shit about, and these cycles are reoccurring cycles. | ||
| As long as the republic stays up, and it's still up and running, it goes down, it crashes, people readjust, some people find their way, some people lose their way, some people jump off buildings, and then it builds back up again. | ||
| And that's what's going on right now. | ||
| So that's one of the things that they argued about Clinton's era. | ||
| They were saying, well, you could say that Bill Clinton was responsible for all that, but all the signs seemed to indicate that the cycle was moving in that direction anyway. | ||
| It was just that trend no matter who was there. | ||
| The president doesn't have... | ||
| I'm talking out of my ass for sure, and I don't know it exactly. | ||
| No, no, but... | ||
| If Trump wins, is there going to be chaos? | ||
| Black people are already freaking the fuck out that he's this close. | ||
| People are rushing the stage. | ||
| The numbers don't add up for Trump. | ||
| He doesn't have women, he doesn't have minorities. | ||
| Brian, I don't think you're right. | ||
| You'll see. | ||
| But look, you can't say you'll see because you don't really know. | ||
| No, I do know. | ||
| Trump will get the nomination. | ||
| Okay, but all I'm saying is you don't really know, and the problem is it's real possible. | ||
| It's real possible. | ||
| And just the idea that we got this far. | ||
| It's insane. | ||
| A lot of Republicans would tell you that the Republicans, once again, because they're not unified, have committed political suicide. | ||
| The pundits that I've listened to will basically look at these hard numbers and say, you know, the people that you see supporting Trump, yeah, Trump has won, but for the most part, the popular vote isn't there for him at the end of the day. | ||
| It's going to go to Hillary. | ||
| We'll see, son. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| We'll see. | ||
| Yeah, we will see. | ||
| I think here's the problem. | ||
| He hasn't even started to attack her yet. | ||
| And he's going to attack on Benghazi. | ||
| She could be indicted. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| On two different cases, man. | ||
| So what happens if she's indicted? | ||
| It's a big issue. | ||
| Do you know about the guy who was the computer analyst that put together her email server? | ||
| Fucking tell him, Joe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's got immunity. | |
| He just got immunity against prosecution, apparently. | ||
| So he can... | ||
| I know. | ||
| So little about this, I shouldn't be able to say it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love this. | |
| So then he's gonna squeal like a little piggy. | ||
| If he squeals like a little piggy, you got real problems. | ||
| But the idea of giving him immunity with the real... | ||
| I know I read that somewhere. | ||
| Make sure that it's correct, though. | ||
| Dude, she should just give him like 300 mil to go away. | ||
| She can't. | ||
| She doesn't have that kind of money. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| She makes good money, but I'm sure she's... | ||
| She spends it like a motherfucker. | ||
| Did you ever see the payouts per year from everyone? | ||
| They get insane amounts of money. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Just her and Trump. | ||
| Her speaking money is off the charts. | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Scroll down, please. | ||
| Justice Department grants immunity to staffer who set up Clinton email server. | ||
| Yes, it's true. | ||
| So what that means is, if they did that, that means that they're thinking about a case. | ||
| And they're probably planning a case. | ||
| And if this guy gave up immunity, that means he's got some serious fucking information to get a bigger fish. | ||
| Who's the bigger fish? | ||
| Hillary Clinton. | ||
| I just don't like that. | ||
| I think it's just crazy because the choices are so poor. | ||
| That's terrible. | ||
| Well, because the smart people in America are saying, fuck that job. | ||
| I don't mind Bernie Sanders. | ||
| I'm telling you, I would almost be willing to give up more money. | ||
| He's too old. | ||
| Here's the problem that I have with the giving up more money, though, is that you're giving up more money to the government. | ||
| And I don't trust the government. | ||
| That's all. | ||
| If I could give up money... | ||
| Here's the thing. | ||
| If you could have mandated charity for really wealthy people where you could give to... | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| I like to give to something like Justin Renz, Fight for the Forgotten. | ||
| That's a no-brainer. | ||
| I give to that one because I know exactly where the money's going. | ||
| That's a beautiful one. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| But if you could get a bunch of good ones, like a good... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The problem is so much of that money goes to running the machine that's supposed to dole out the money. | ||
| It's huge. | ||
| Recruiting Red Cross, by the way. | ||
| If you guys look online, there's a few websites that detail what percentage of your dollar actually goes to the charity. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Listen, at one point, at one point, the United Way, at one point, I remember they had a special on it, one cent of every dollar was actually going to the charity. | ||
| The 99 cents was going to running the actual company. | ||
| Not only that, but like high-salaried CEOs, like the whole deal, it becomes a corporation. | ||
| Look at the Wounded Warrior Project. | ||
| Do you see that? | ||
| No, what? | ||
| I was just rocking their hat the other day. | ||
| That was a huge controversy because the two guys running it were making a million dollars a year and they were spending on lavish vacations and lavish conferences and stuff. | ||
| Is that true? | ||
| They were making a million dollars a year? | ||
| Yeah, both of them. | ||
| You want to talk about the wrong people to fuck over like that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But to be fair to those guys, but to be fair to the people running the Wounded Warrior Project, human beings, if you're working for a very big company and you make, | ||
| I think they made over $300 million in donations in one year, they had a huge endowment, It's when you're working all day, and I'm sure these guys are good people who are working probably 12 hours a day, you're going to put a first-class ticket. | ||
| It might be a red-eye. | ||
| I've got to sleep. | ||
| I'm doing all this work. | ||
| I'm going to spend $500 as opposed to $300. | ||
| And it just adds up. | ||
| And what happens is, if you're doing a lot of work and you're really good at it, they might say, hey, you're worth it. | ||
| We're going to give you a million dollars because a board votes that in. | ||
| So what I'm saying is that when you have that much money... | ||
| Corruption is going to happen. | ||
| Before you give them a free pass, we should probably know how they got to that number. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| All I'm saying is anytime you have a lot of money, it's going to be spent and there's not enough accountability. | ||
| Human beings are going to behave in that way. | ||
| It's anonymous. | ||
| You're getting more money. | ||
| We're all doing a good job here. | ||
| We deserve something. | ||
| The biggest illusion is that people with money are happier. | ||
| It might be the biggest illusion that exists in the world today. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Because everybody really wants to be happy, but we really want to figure out how to get happy. | ||
| And the one thing that we can't figure out how to do is pay the bills. | ||
| So we're like, fuck, if I could just pay my bills, I'd be happy. | ||
| Like that is like one of the prevailing illusions. | ||
| Well, there's a certain point where you make enough money where the bills are taken care of, which you're going to be happy and not stressed out about, but then you move on. | ||
| Yes, it's going to help, but it's not the answer to everything. | ||
| Yeah, it's not the answer to everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not at all, man. | |
| It certainly makes you happier to not have to pay your bills, but how many people do we know that are super successful, multi-millionaires, out of their fucking mind, miserable? | ||
| The richest people I know are the most miserable. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Dude, easily. | ||
| I did a little inventory on the times that I think about, that bring a smile to my face, the times that I remember being the happiest. | ||
| Gay stuff? | ||
| It's almost always when I'm behind a dumpster with a strong guy, very dark with a cowboy hat on. | ||
| Hairy guys or shaved? | ||
| No, black. | ||
| Black is night. | ||
| Black and very tall. | ||
| Black hairy guys are probably the scariest. | ||
| Oh, it's even better. | ||
| I don't think I've ever seen a black hairy guy. | ||
| Well, you haven't hung out with me. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen, like, their chest hair is more of, like, curly. | ||
| It's like taco meat. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| It's like taco meat. | ||
| Excuse me? | ||
| Is that racist? | ||
| No, because it's a Mexican food. | ||
| It's okay. | ||
| Go to blackandhairy.com. | ||
| But if you said chicken meat, that would be a problem. | ||
| Now you're in trouble. | ||
| That's a problem. | ||
| You can't say chicken, even though chicken's delicious. | ||
| Super delicious. | ||
| Can you say Thai chicken? | ||
| It's Thai chicken. | ||
| Can you say black people might like Thai chicken or will you get in trouble? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I would change the subject right now. | ||
| As soon as you toss watermelon there, we're all fucked. | ||
| Oh, you didn't say watermelon. | ||
| Hey man, what did you say about changing the cup? | ||
| I love watermelon. | ||
| Listen, that's a delicious fruit. | ||
| You shouldn't bring it up. | ||
| It's really dangerous. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It is dangerous. | ||
| Delicious, amazing food. | ||
| Back to me and black guys. | ||
| I've never seen a hairy black guy. | ||
| Back to being happy. | ||
| I've definitely seen hairy black guys before. | ||
| Yeah, but it's less common. | ||
| Well, not like Russian dudes, like that dude that's entering Abu Dhabi. | ||
| Do you know that guy? | ||
| Is he in Eddie Bravo's? | ||
| The Eddie Bravo Open? | ||
| Is that the new EBR, the one that's in April? | ||
| Is that who that crazy giant fucking Russian dude is? | ||
| Those Russians grow some hair. | ||
| Orlowski has to get his shit faded. | ||
| His shoulders, it was a nice blend. | ||
| I remember when I was fighting him at the Wayans, I was like, oh shit, I like the shade you got on the shoulders. | ||
| It was like a one to two guard on his shoulders. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Just like a fade. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| He's hairy. | ||
| Yeah, he's a hairy fuck. | ||
| He was really hairy when he was young, too, before he took care of it. | ||
| Do you know who's the hairiest motherfucker in all of MMA? Gonzaga? | ||
| Dave Herman. | ||
| You ever see Dave Herman when Dave Herman grew that shit out? | ||
| Oh, his beard was nuts. | ||
| No, I'm talking about his whole body. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Dude, dude, Dave Herman is a fucking Sasquatch. | ||
| By the way, he's in trouble right now, man. | ||
| I was gonna say, is he still alive? | ||
| That fucking dude's doing nuts. | ||
| He's nuts. | ||
| There's a video that they released of him getting fucked up by cops, man. | ||
| Aw, man. | ||
| Yeah, it was like one of those things where the cop told him to get back in the car. | ||
| He's like, why do I have to get back in the car? | ||
| I told you to get back. | ||
| It's one of those things where there's an unnecessary altercation between a person and the cop. | ||
| Then egos come in. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| They start fucking him up. | ||
| And he's a giant. | ||
| He's very tall. | ||
| Dave Herman's gigantic. | ||
| Dude, I was in the back with him in a corner. | ||
| Literally, maybe hit mitts for two minutes, and then he's playing a Game Boy, like old-school Tetris Game Boy. | ||
| It was like two years ago. | ||
| They go, Dave, you're up. | ||
| He goes, now? | ||
| They go, yeah. | ||
| Puts it down, just rolls out there. | ||
| And fights. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Gonzaga? | |
| Is that what you fuck Gonzaga? | ||
| I think so, man. | ||
| He got KO'd in one round. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa! | |
| Oh, shit! | ||
| That's what he looks like. | ||
| He's got a good body, though. | ||
| He's a good-looking dude. | ||
| Oh, he's shredded. | ||
| He's got a set of tits on him. | ||
| He's got some tits. | ||
| He was a talented fuck, too, man. | ||
| He just, for whatever reason... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was big. | |
| He was never disciplined. | ||
| Yeah, he didn't totally put it together. | ||
| We had that same trainer, the same striking coach, and he was saying, like, he'd be like, dude, you gotta come in and train. | ||
| How hairy that motherfucker is. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Seriously. | |
| Such a beast, man. | ||
| So, yeah. | ||
| My dad makes that guy look like a girl. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Weird dad stuff comes up again. | ||
| That guy would slap your dad's face so fucking hard. | ||
| I'm just kind of quiet after I talk about my dad. | ||
| He'd probably smash your dad. | ||
| I hate to say it. | ||
| No, you don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't know, bro. | |
| Most likely. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| They've heard so much talent though, man. | ||
| Remember before you got the UFC, he was like 20 and 1, just smashing bitches in Japan. | ||
| He beat some good names, too. | ||
| Really good names, man. | ||
| Who did he beat? | ||
| Oh man, the Dave Herman days. | ||
| Once he did get to the UFC, he had that crazy bout with the Abu Dhabi champ. | ||
| Remember that really big guy? | ||
| Remember the huge dude? | ||
| Not Fabiano Shermer. | ||
| No. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
| Really big Abu Dhabi. | ||
| Yeah, and he's from the Netherlands. | ||
| Huge. | ||
| Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| I was supposed to fight him, too. | ||
| It's the only fight I've ever turned down. | ||
| I remember that, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why'd he turn down? | |
| What the hell is his name? | ||
| Because he was a big enough name. | ||
| Didn't that guy beat Fabrizio Verdum in a jiu-jitsu match? | ||
| Yes, in jiu-jitsu. | ||
| Romero is huge. | ||
| Yeah, pull up Dave Herman's... | ||
| Him and Dave had a fight of the night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was a serious fucking... | |
| He had a fight of the night. | ||
| Serious... | ||
| John Olive Inamo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| I remembered it before I saw it. | ||
| Bam. | ||
| Yeah, John Olive Inamo is a serious fucking jujitsu phenom, but for whatever reason, it didn't really pan out in MMA for him. | ||
| He was fucking huge, and he was also a lot older by the time he got there. | ||
| Click on John Olive Inamo's... | ||
| Yeah, and it was right about the time they were testing for real. | ||
| He lost to Mike Russo. | ||
| He lost to Dave Herman. | ||
| He beat James Thompson. | ||
| When I saw him, though, he was 30. Because when I saw him, he was in 2003 in Brazil. | ||
| So I guess he was in his 20s at the time. | ||
| He was a beast on Jiu-Jitsu. | ||
| He was wrecking people. | ||
| Well, it was also confusing for everybody because he came out of nowhere. | ||
| Because this guy was a European guy. | ||
| And all of a sudden, he's beating Brazilians. | ||
| He's beating a lot of top guys. | ||
| He was, like, right around the time when Gunnar Nelson was wrecking people, too. | ||
| Everybody found out about Gunnar. | ||
| That's the only fight I've ever turned down in my UFC career, ever. | ||
| It was after I lost to Noguera. | ||
| I wanted another big fight, and, like, months went by, and they offered me him. | ||
| I knew him from jiu-jitsu, but I had no idea about him from MMA. I was like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And then Joseph was like, oh, yeah? | ||
| Cool, here's Ben Rothwell. | ||
| All right, let's do that. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Advisors. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're worth something. | ||
| My manager's like, hey, man, yeah, let's do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whew. | |
| Ben and Rothwell. | ||
| You should call that guy up in the middle of the night. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Remember that Rothwell fight that you let me take? | ||
| Hey, bro. | ||
| Thanks for that, man. | ||
| Give me some time to adjust. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| That's not the game, my man. | ||
| So what kind of tattoo are you talking about when you hit 10 million? | ||
| Just go and get that panther down your neck. | ||
| You should definitely get something on your neck. | ||
| Maybe like a kiss. | ||
| Maybe like a lips, like a lip kiss. | ||
| Oh, that'd be sick. | ||
| Like a realistic one. | ||
| Get your wife to kiss you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like that. | |
| I like that. | ||
| I like that tentacles. | ||
| Yeah, now you're talking nonsense. | ||
| Yeah, you don't have time to get that. | ||
| That's going to be hours. | ||
| That's 40, 50 hours. | ||
| Yeah, that's many days. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's five or six days. | ||
| And you have to take time, like that. | ||
| Like Kenyon Martin? | ||
| You get your wife to kiss you on the neck. | ||
| 100% no to that, of course. | ||
| Why? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How about if you get one right above your beanbag? | ||
| Oh, my beanbag. | ||
| My fucking beanbag. | ||
| Right above it. | ||
| I hold my dick up while they get, I want it, right above my beanbag, I'm going to hold my dick up, and you just tattoo another set of balls. | ||
|
unidentified
|
People do get their dicks, they do get their dicks tattooed. | |
| Yes, they do. | ||
| I've been thinking about doing it. | ||
| No, fuck off. | ||
| I want to make it sparkly. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| It doesn't sparkle enough. | ||
| If you were going to get your dick tattooed, what would you do? | ||
| Elephant ears. | ||
| Barnacles. | ||
| Barnacles or warts. | ||
| Elephant ears. | ||
| I think you mean make it black. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what you mean, right? | |
| Of course I do. | ||
| That's what you mean. | ||
| I'd sleeve it out in dark ink. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| If you could possibly be. | ||
| Has any guy ever done that? | ||
| Because I know guys get their entire forearms black. | ||
| Have you ever seen that? | ||
| White guys will do that. | ||
| It's really weird. | ||
| It's like they have one color. | ||
| It's a one color tattoo. | ||
| And I always wondered if there's a cover-up, like they maybe had some shitty tattoos. | ||
| I always knew it as a cover-up. | ||
| Like it was a real bad tattoo, like maybe a girl or something, so then they just black it all out because you can't cover it up. | ||
| There was a famous dude who had that in a band. | ||
| What band was that? | ||
| Rage Against the Machine? | ||
| Yes, that's right. | ||
| That dude, his whole arms was like all black. | ||
| Well, a lot of times, don't like recovering addicts get like the black band and they do how many years and then just go all black? | ||
| Go all the way up to your ankles. | ||
| Yeah, do that shit. | ||
| I want something on my back, like right at the top of my back. | ||
| Chakras. | ||
| You should have your chakras. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Aw, chakras. | ||
| Yeah, look at this dude. | ||
| And I want something over my root chakra. | ||
| See, that looks badass. | ||
| That's very odd. | ||
| Take forever. | ||
| He's in shape, too. | ||
| Kid's in shape. | ||
| Who is that guy? | ||
| He's from Rage. | ||
| Dude, that looks pretty sweet. | ||
| What's his name, Jamie? | ||
| Tim C. Tim C. He doesn't have a name. | ||
| That's a badass tattoo, man. | ||
| Yeah, I like those. | ||
| What are those things? | ||
| That's from like some Japanese symbol. | ||
| Talking about the tadpoles in the middle? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Is that cum? | ||
| Is that all cum? | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Cyclone. | ||
| It's called cum. | ||
| I would get that. | ||
| Cum in a tornado. | ||
| I'd have to shave my chest and my arms, but I'd do it. | ||
| That's what happens when you cum into a garbage disposal and you hit the button. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, fuck. | |
| It's like a symbol of it. | ||
| Hey, man. | ||
| Dude, he looks sweet. | ||
| I'm not mad at that at all. | ||
| That might be the best one I've seen, though. | ||
| They all don't look like that, though. | ||
| He didn't go too deep. | ||
| He went like a half sleeve down to the bottom of his bicep. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I like that. | |
| It's like he's always wearing armor. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Maybe I'll get two six-shooters on my hips, you guys. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why? | |
| Maybe we'll just get one tucked in your lower back, pointing towards your asshole. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that'd be sick. | |
| How about just an arrow? | ||
| Fun starts here. | ||
| Who are these people that get guns? | ||
| A lot of fighters do. | ||
| Porn stars, porn dudes. | ||
| Yeah, pointing down towards their dick. | ||
| Dude, I'll tell you who has the best tattoos in the game as far as girls. | ||
| Well, excuse me, sir, your cheeks are tatted. | ||
| This man needs to hit a gym occasionally. | ||
| Yeah, I don't like his body. | ||
| Can't have the dad bod and get all those tattoos. | ||
| Yeah, if you're going to work on a tattoo, your body's going to be sleeved out like that. | ||
| That's not even a dad bod. | ||
| That's a good luck, getting a woman to fuck you so you can become a dad bod. | ||
| Yeah, it's a vegan body. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| Sorry, everybody. | ||
| How dare you. | ||
| How dare you start it. | ||
| Now I'm going to get a bunch of pictures of vegans who are shredded. | ||
| They're going to be very angry at you. | ||
| Dude, you know the girl who has the sexiest tats to me? | ||
| Christy Mack. | ||
| She's got some good ones. | ||
| Can I see? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's hot as fuck. | |
| That bitch is so bad. | ||
| She was in here with War Machine before War Machine beat the fuck out of her. | ||
| Before he tried to kill her? | ||
| I listened to some of that podcast. | ||
| She came here with him. | ||
| She hung out. | ||
| She took a nap on the couch out there. | ||
| She dropped dead gorgeous in person too. | ||
| She's very pretty. | ||
| She's tiny, man. | ||
| She's a tiny girl. | ||
| You hear all the shit that he did to her and it's horrific if it was just a chick. | ||
| He's in prison for life, right? | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| He's gone. | ||
| But when you see her in real life, she's so tiny. | ||
| You can't imagine. | ||
| Pretty in person though, huh? | ||
| She's beautiful. | ||
| You just can't imagine that a guy... | ||
| I like her with no hair. | ||
| Look at that picture. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| See that? | ||
| I like that for the same reason why I like... | ||
| Look at that picture below where Effie beat the fuck out of her in the hospital. | ||
| That's not what you're oh yes-ing. | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| I'm talking about the hot one. | ||
| You gotta clarify though. | ||
| People are listening to this. | ||
| Oh, sorry bro. | ||
| That's the yes one. | ||
| The beat up one I'm not trying to see. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| He kicked the shit out of her legs. | ||
| He tried killing her man. | ||
| She got away. | ||
| Yeah, he was going to get a knife. | ||
| She escaped. | ||
| She's the hottest chick in the game for sure. | ||
| Well, she's definitely one of them. | ||
| Porno games? | ||
| She's very pretty. | ||
| But my point is, like, I can't imagine. | ||
| She's like a little kid. | ||
| She weighs like 100 pounds. | ||
| Really? | ||
| She's that small? | ||
| She's tiny, man. | ||
| She's fucking tiny. | ||
| I mean, she might weigh 110. Damn, so she's super tiny. | ||
| So War Machine, I mean, really fucked her up. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I'm not that good at numbers, but she ain't a big girl. | ||
| She's like 5'1", maybe. | ||
| She's tiny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| You know, the idea that he beat the fuck out of her like that, it's just so crazy. | ||
| I listened to some of that podcast and he sounded... | ||
| Like, there's something about guys who talk real fast like that, you know, he's like, yeah, so for me, you know, it's like a... | ||
| Well, he's got a nerve, you gotta realize. | ||
| Was he nervous? | ||
| Oh, I'm sure. | ||
| You know, he's on a podcast, he knows a million people are gonna hear it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I never think of that. | ||
| I never think of that. | ||
| But for some people, it's a big deal. | ||
| He's also a guy who did a lot of stuff. | ||
| Yeah, he's done a lot of steroids, for sure. | ||
| A lot of stuff. | ||
| A lot of stuff. | ||
| Had a lot of head trauma. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of head trauma. | ||
| The guy has some serious demons. | ||
| I've noticed with fighters, some fighters, that there is that Adderall-like... | ||
| Energy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Guys have been fighting for a long time. | ||
| That's from head trauma. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| Yeah, you got erratic behavior. | ||
| Breathing is a little bit erratic sometimes. | ||
| Also, they can't keep it together very long. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| They can't keep it together if something's boring. | ||
| They can't keep it together if something gets annoying to them. | ||
| They don't have a good way of staying calm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| A lot of them, too. | ||
| A lot of them. | ||
| I'm one of them. | ||
| But a lot of them, on our podcast or personal conversations, they'll jump all over the board. | ||
| They will never finish a story or come back around. | ||
| They'll jump all over. | ||
| Well, when War Machine, he watched his dad die, right? | ||
| Wasn't that... | ||
| He had some super dark demons, man. | ||
| Some crazy shit happened. | ||
| He got arrested when he was really fucking young. | ||
| Cops beat the fuck out of him when he was like a teenager for nothing. | ||
| He tells a story and I tend to believe him, man. | ||
| I think that he's definitely made some fucking horrible choices in life, no doubt. | ||
| But I also think he got fucked. | ||
| Life fucked him. | ||
| He got a rough... | ||
| Life fucked him early. | ||
| Hand of cards. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Fucked him and he was around a bunch of other people that also got fucked. | ||
| And it's real hard to discern what direction to go through in your life. | ||
| I mean, there's been a gang of people like that have gone in and out through the UFC that just don't know. | ||
| They've been surrounded with shitheads and psychos and fucking criminals their whole life. | ||
| They don't know peace and normalcy. | ||
| That's all they know. | ||
| You still can't try and kill a bitch, though. | ||
| So she's that pretty. | ||
| No, what he did was horrific. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Horrific. | ||
| But that's also a breakdown of an ability to cope at all. | ||
| It sounds like he had bouts of madness. | ||
| You know, well, he came home. | ||
| He came over to her house. | ||
| He wasn't supposed to be there. | ||
| They were separated, though. | ||
| Yeah, he wasn't supposed to be there. | ||
| He came over to her house and she was with a guy. | ||
| She's a porn star. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, she's hot, too. | ||
| And guys want to fuck her. | ||
| If he's not fucking her, someone's going to want to fuck her. | ||
| Yeah, you're like adding sliding them DMs. | ||
| Because you come over, you're going to be real sad because I'm going to whoop your ass in front of the girl, too. | ||
| Yeah, I don't think you would have been running. | ||
| That would have been a bad situation. | ||
| Hell no! | ||
| Unless he had a knife. | ||
| I'm like, get her. | ||
| Well, he probably would have had a knife, too. | ||
| Apparently, it was just a total surprise. | ||
| He didn't expect the guy to be there. | ||
| And he just saw red and freaked the fuck out. | ||
| Well, he's fucking nuts. | ||
| He's also fucking crazy. | ||
| Yeah, he's nuts. | ||
| He's always been nuts. | ||
| But he's always been super cool and super friendly to me. | ||
| Me, too. | ||
| I mean, I knew he had gotten into crazy fights with a bunch of porn stars. | ||
| He beat the fuck out of someone, a bunch of people, like three or four people at some porn party. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| Some dude, but dude's mouth off. | ||
| They say the wrong shit. | ||
| They fuck up. | ||
| Yeah, there's no repercussions. | ||
| They didn't come across a guy like that. | ||
| He's going to fuck your world up. | ||
| Anyways, can't be my friend, though. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Can't be my friend. | ||
| Well, he can't be anybody's friend. | ||
| But he can't be my friend. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He can't be anybody's friend. | ||
| He can't be anybody's friend. | ||
| He's in jail forever. | ||
| He's going to make friends in there, though. | ||
| The point being, there's certain guys that will just always fuck up, it seems. | ||
| But they also... | ||
| It's self-sabotage, right? | ||
| Like, they get this shitty hand of cards in life, and they play this victim game. | ||
| It's like, I don't deserve any success. | ||
| So there's always kind of this... | ||
| You and I were talking about this. | ||
| I called Joe because I wanted to lend somebody money, and I just want to... | ||
| Sometimes, like, I think I have a lot of guilt because... | ||
| If you think about how some people grow up, they just never even had a chance. | ||
| It was just the math fell in my favor. | ||
| It didn't fall in there. | ||
| I had parents that loved me. | ||
| I had stability. | ||
| Some people had the exact opposite. | ||
| And then we were talking, and I was like, this guy I wanted to help, and it's just a disaster. | ||
| And I'm like, I want to give him money. | ||
| I want to help him. | ||
| But you get a sense that this guy I was talking about, he's always going to be that way. | ||
| Whether you give him 100 grand or 5 grand. | ||
| He's always going to be broke. | ||
| He's always going to be fucked. | ||
| I've loaned people money. | ||
| I know. | ||
| You know how many people have paid me back? | ||
| None. | ||
|
unidentified
|
None. | |
| Me too. | ||
| The thing is, did you tell me this? | ||
| Did you tell me this? | ||
| I've been lending people money. | ||
| If you lend someone money, just give it to them. | ||
| My father said that. | ||
| I've given it to people that are good friends. | ||
| I think both of you gave me that advice. | ||
| I've had good friends that have been in a financial crunch and I gave them money. | ||
| If it's a legit friend and I know it's a family member, I know it's gonna help them out, I work hard for a reason, so just take it. | ||
| It takes time to figure that out, though. | ||
| I didn't have any money most of my life, and then all of a sudden when I started having money and someone needed money, I looked at them as how I used to be. | ||
| I'm like, well, if I help this guy out, he'll get back on his feet and then he'll take care of it. | ||
| But none of them did. | ||
| Not only that, they start avoiding you, which is really weird. | ||
| Hey, Mike, you were supposed to pay me after three months. | ||
| It's now six months. | ||
| We have resentment. | ||
| It's the old saying, the fastest way to lose a friend is lend him money. | ||
| Oh, dude, man. | ||
| I've got a guy who's owed me money for so long that I just don't even bring it up anymore. | ||
| And he'll call me up and he'll give Like it's all good? | ||
| Every time we talk, he'll give me this song and dance, but he's about to pay me back. | ||
| Dude, he's owed me money for like 10 years. | ||
| I can't believe he's still your friend. | ||
| Well, he's not really. | ||
| We're acquaintances now. | ||
| We're acquaintances now. | ||
| But that sealed it. | ||
| It's a mindset. | ||
| A lot of times, my experience with that is that, yes, there are plenty of stories of people who needed money badly, and they made good, and they paid it back. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| But, for the most part, the people I'm talking about, you just know. | ||
| You're like, man, you're always from one crisis to another. | ||
| What the fuck are you doing? | ||
| And it doesn't matter. | ||
| My last fight, I signed this deal with this company. | ||
| I'm not going to call them out. | ||
| Close friend who did the deal and never saw the money. | ||
| I've known this guy forever. | ||
| Super close friend, man. | ||
| Financially, I'm fine. | ||
| I'm doing better than I've ever done, thank God. | ||
| We always had this rift. | ||
| He wasn't texting me or calling me back. | ||
| I just called him one day from a random number. | ||
| I said, hey, man, it's me. | ||
| Fuck the money, man. | ||
| Your friendship means more than money. | ||
| I don't care if I ever get that money, but let's just move on, man. | ||
| We're good. | ||
| Now we're good. | ||
| But he's always going to have that problem knowing that he ripped you off. | ||
| That's fine. | ||
| I'm cool with that. | ||
| You are, but he's probably chewing away at him. | ||
| He's not. | ||
| It makes him feel less. | ||
| But at least I know we're good and we have open relationship now. | ||
| Well, that's nice. | ||
| That's very nice of you. | ||
| I told this dude... | ||
| I mean, like, six months in, I was annoyed, you know, that I didn't get paid back. | ||
| But then I stopped. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know, I mean, this is one guy. | ||
| I mean, I could go back over the times that I've been here. | ||
| And the problem is, everybody's got this scam. | ||
| Everybody's got this scheme. | ||
| You know, they want to come to you, and if you just give me this money, I'm going to start this business, and that business is going to make so much money. | ||
| And then as soon as my buddy gets in, he's going to bring his cousin who has a connection, and we're going to start this. | ||
| No! | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| No. | ||
| But there's none of that, because how many people lent you money to get to where you're at? | ||
| Did you ask anyone? | ||
| I never asked anyone. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| No one does. | ||
| You know, Dove and I, I'll tell you who it was after we're off the air, but... | ||
| Shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you. | |
| I know, but Dove and I bought a comedian a car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| We loved this young guy, this young comedian, and both of us were like... | ||
| His name's Jay Leno. | ||
| No, we loved him. | ||
| Terrible investment. | ||
| We loved him, we thought he was amazing, and we liked him so much, and I was bothered at how he had no money. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And he was so smart and such a good guy. | ||
| And I was just like, this is bugging me. | ||
| And he's taking the bus down to San Diego and he's taking a bus around LA and he's got no way. | ||
| You can't live in LA. You can't be a comic and be living on the bus. | ||
| It's going to kill you at the end of the day. | ||
| So I said, I go, you know, man, I got some money. | ||
| And I said to Dove, I go, let's buy this guy a car. | ||
| I got a friend who deals in good cars. | ||
| They're not expensive. | ||
| Let's get him a reliable fucking Honda or something. | ||
| How much do you have to spend? | ||
| Four grand. | ||
| You spent four? | ||
| We both spent two or something. | ||
| It was not a big deal. | ||
| Meanwhile, long story short, just bought it for him, called me, thank you, thank you, all this stuff. | ||
| Always brings it up. | ||
| He sold it. | ||
| When I see him, no, he made it. | ||
| He made it in the business. | ||
| What? | ||
| He crushed it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I'll tell you who it is after this. | ||
| And he never paid you back? | ||
| I said to him, this is not a loan. | ||
| This is what we want to give you, and I will never take money back. | ||
| Because he didn't want to take it. | ||
| He's like, what are you doing? | ||
| I go, this is my gift to you because you're worth it. | ||
| And Dov said the same thing. | ||
| What does his name rhyme with? | ||
| That's not a bad story. | ||
| Why wouldn't you tell that story? | ||
| Well, I'd rather him tell you. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| You don't want him to know? | ||
| I'm going to write it down, though. | ||
| That he was a broke-ass bitch at one point? | ||
| Well, he... | ||
| We all are. | ||
| Let me see what you got over there. | ||
| Never heard of him. | ||
| Never fucking heard of him. | ||
| So you gave Chris Rock a car? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I support that choice, the choice that you just made. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| See what I mean? | ||
| I knew right away. | ||
| I knew right away. | ||
| I was like, this dude is so smart. | ||
| And I also understand why you didn't say the name. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No need. | ||
| Poor dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No need. | |
| Dude, I have a wonderful comedian. | ||
| I don't mind helping anyone out. | ||
| A lot of fighters, too, man. | ||
| Listen, I get the struggle of the game, so anytime they help with t-shirts, Whether they're trying to get in podcasting, whatever. | ||
| I got one guy, Jack Mays, I hate to say his name, but my boy, he's trying to get a fight on Titan. | ||
| He's been doing it forever. | ||
| And my old manager and super close friend, Lex McMahon, owns Titan. | ||
| Well, he fights for a living, man. | ||
| This guy's a beast. | ||
| He has kids. | ||
| So I'm constantly hitting up Titan almost as his fucking manager. | ||
| Like, get this guy a fight, man. | ||
| Because they keep dragging him on, then someone falls out, and he's texting me like, dude, I don't know what to do. | ||
| So it's tough, man, because you want to help him, but I'm helping him in different ways than giving him money. | ||
| He's worth the effort. | ||
| Some people are worth the effort. | ||
| Even some people, if somebody asks me for money, and I feel like they really need it, it's almost worth the money to see them not... | ||
| Be in pain. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, I'll buy that, find my own piece of mind. | ||
| It's not a hard, fast rule, you know? | ||
| No, exactly. | ||
| Like most things. | ||
| Like, under most situations, when people need money or they come to you to borrow money, they're not gonna fucking make it. | ||
| It's just, it's not gonna happen. | ||
| No, if they reach out to you for money, they're fucked. | ||
| But most of those guys... | ||
| They're looking for a shortcut. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| A part of the personality of someone who keeps coming to people asking for money. | ||
| It's so common that it's the same kind of guy. | ||
| It's like this guy that has this elaborate story that he tells you that involves some new thing that's going to happen and when that new thing happens, everything's going to take off. | ||
| I love the stories. | ||
| I wish I could record them. | ||
| I wish I could record the stories. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're so brutal. | |
| I met with a guy the other day who's a buddy who I'm also in business with. | ||
| We're meeting... | ||
| On the idea of this merchandise thing, and he pitches this whole marijuana idea to me. | ||
| I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? | ||
| Like a business? | ||
| A whole business. | ||
| Yeah, I've had that too. | ||
| I'm like, dude, get out of here, man. | ||
| Just focus on this. | ||
| He cornered me at the fucking store one night about some marijuana business he's doing and wants me to get involved, and they'll give me equity. | ||
| Dude, I'm not doing anything. | ||
| I have people call me all the time, about you, pitching me ideas for you. | ||
| They're just like, I got this great idea, I gotta speak to Joe Rogan in person. | ||
| I know, my friend, but it's just not gonna happen. | ||
| But I could see it all going bad. | ||
| I could see it, I mean, immediately. | ||
| You talk to this guy, first of all, the guy's super aggressive, coming up to you, wants to go into business with you. | ||
| He doesn't even know you. | ||
| Wants to go into business with you. | ||
| That's your first sign of craziness. | ||
| And then, you know, once it all goes back, dude, I fucking made this business, man. | ||
| If it wasn't for fucking me, we wouldn't have this business. | ||
| And you're like, I don't even want to be a part of this. | ||
| Why am I here? | ||
| I gotta get out of here. | ||
| And the next thing you know, you get this crazy dude who hates you. | ||
| Nothing worse. | ||
| Yeah, I mean the people that need your help or need your money in that bad of a way where they go out of their way to get your face about it They're looking for like a way to shortcut the system. | ||
| Yeah, like the system of Making it as a comedian the system like how many guys have come up to you and go hey, man You know be fucking really cool if you take me on the road like what? | ||
| Dude, you don't get spots anywhere. | ||
| I can't take you on the road. | ||
| You're not putting in the proper hustle. | ||
| Did you ever do that, Joe Rogan? | ||
| Never. | ||
| Did you ever do that, Brian? | ||
| Yes, there's a reason why his ass is asking. | ||
| There's no shortcuts. | ||
| Listen, man, there's ways to do it. | ||
| I'm friends with all the door guys at the comedy store, and these motherfuckers, they put on their Instagram pages, they're constantly hitting open mic notes. | ||
| Constantly. | ||
| You've got to be writing and always performing. | ||
| Speaking of performing, we're going to be in Denver March 18th and 19th. | ||
| What are you guys doing? | ||
| It's my birthday, too. | ||
| What's happening? | ||
| Oh, I'm glad you asked, Joe Rogan. | ||
| We're going to be doing a live show, Brandon Shaw, Brian Callen, Fighter and the Kid, March 18th, two shows at Comedy Works, March 19th, two shows, Comedy Works, South. | ||
| It's my first time in Denver performing. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| It's one of my favorite places ever. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's amazing. | |
| Your birthday, dude. | ||
| It's my birthday. | ||
| Buy your tickets now. | ||
| Where do they go for tickets? | ||
| tfatk.com. | ||
| tfatk.com. | ||
| Sell this bitch out, Denver. | ||
| That's what I want for my birthday. | ||
| Denver's one of my favorite places on the planet Earth. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I love it. | |
| That's one of my favorite places. | ||
| Dude, that's where my wife is from. | ||
| I would move back there. | ||
| You want to move there together, we'll fucking move there, dude. | ||
| Fuck that, man. | ||
| I'll do it in a heartbeat. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dude, don't do it. | |
| You could live just 20 minutes from the city and be in the mountains and have a fucking insane house with a view. | ||
| Here's the problem. | ||
| Just drive down to Denver Comedy Works. | ||
| Absolutely not, Mr. Rogan. | ||
| Here's the only problem. | ||
| If you two leave, I'll be pissed. | ||
| No, dude. | ||
| My wife grew up in snow. | ||
| My wife grew up in snow. | ||
| She'll never move back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| I did, too. | ||
| Fuck that snow. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Pussies. | |
| People don't like the snow. | ||
| I like it. | ||
| I like visiting Devlin. | ||
| Better track animals. | ||
| Hey, when are we going? | ||
| Soon. | ||
| We'll talk after this. | ||
| Please. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The thing got moved to August, though. | ||
| It's important. | ||
| Frank Castillo, he's one of the guys who works at the store, and this fucking kid is funny as shit, and he's hustling. | ||
| He puts up his Instagram posts. | ||
| If you look at Frank Castillo, I think it's just Frank Castillo on Instagram, but his Instagram posts just constantly post all the different open mics he goes to. | ||
| You have to be like, there's too much competition. | ||
| Hammering. | ||
| He's doing open mic nights. | ||
| They'll do open mic nights that are outside on someone's roof. | ||
| They do them everywhere. | ||
| It doesn't matter where you do it. | ||
| That's how you have It doesn't matter. | ||
| It's an audience. | ||
| It doesn't matter. | ||
| I have this friend who's breaking into comedy, but this person has a large online social media following already, and then like breaking into stand-up, and we had a conversation about it, and they don't want to do the open... | ||
| I guess I'm making an obvious that it's a girl, but I'm not saying he or she. | ||
| They're thinking they're too good for it. | ||
| They don't want to do that hard work. | ||
| They should know it's all the same. | ||
| They should also know it's all the same. | ||
| Well, not only that, how about the fact that you or I will do that grind? | ||
| In a heartbeat. | ||
| Brian and I will go to open mic nights. | ||
| I do it all the time. | ||
| Well, to this day. | ||
| We'll show up at an open mic night. | ||
| We even fucking plan it out. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| You know, I'll do spots. | ||
| I do the fucking... | ||
| Red Band has that ice house spot at 10 o'clock at night and there's like 30 people in there. | ||
| I'll fucking show up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's great. | |
| I'll text them up. | ||
| What's up? | ||
| Can I get in there? | ||
| Kill those 30 people. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| Because you write sometimes. | ||
| You come up with ideas. | ||
| It's also your passion. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the difference. | |
| Hey, we need to start doing... | ||
| I'm going to start doing a lot more of that local stuff. | ||
| How about the Ha Ha Cafe, the new Ha Ha? | ||
| It's fucking amazing. | ||
| It's great! | ||
| Sometimes when I'm doing the Ice House, like the main room, Jan will have a show. | ||
| The Booker will have a little show in the little room over there. | ||
| And again, 30, 40 fucking people. | ||
| That room only holds 80. And sometimes, Red Band gets like 80 stuffed in there sometimes, and it is a It's a killer fucking crowd. | ||
| It does sound fun. | ||
| They're on top of you, man. | ||
| There's like 80 people smushed in a really- I've done that room with you guys. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| That's a weird little room, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| I love it. | ||
| Those are great. | ||
| How weird is it when we started doing our live shows? | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| Brian was like, dude, I think we're in Portland, Seattle. | ||
| 800 people. | ||
| 800, 900 people. | ||
| I'm nervous. | ||
| I'm like, yeah, whatever. | ||
| Brian's like, dude, you don't realize this is crazy, man. | ||
| Getting theater gigs like that? | ||
| He's just jumping in. | ||
| It's big. | ||
| What can you do? | ||
| It's big. | ||
| There's no one way to do it. | ||
| And what you're doing is different because you're doing that show. | ||
| You guys are essentially doing a dramatic piece. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| With a lot of ad-libbing and fucking around. | ||
| But you have a show. | ||
| Tom Segura and his wife, Christina Pazitsky, they have your mom's house. | ||
| They take that on the road. | ||
| And it's kind of the same sort of a thing. | ||
| They have an online podcast, but then they have a real live show. | ||
| Like an extended branch. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| And it becomes... | ||
| There's fun shit they do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the greatest time of my life, man. | ||
| Pinnacle of my life right now. | ||
| Would you want to do stand-up on your own? | ||
| 100%, yeah. | ||
| Now that you're doing it, right? | ||
| Yeah, we kicked the show off. | ||
| I do the first 10-15 minutes. | ||
| That's a great job. | ||
| I absolutely love it, man. | ||
| So do you think you'll start expanding and putting together an act and maybe even touring? | ||
| Yeah, I think so. | ||
| Dude, you could totally do it. | ||
| I'd like to do that. | ||
| You could totally do it. | ||
| Let's do a show with the three of us. | ||
| How about that? | ||
| I'm in. | ||
| Come on, son. | ||
| You know how much fun that would be? | ||
| Us on the road? | ||
| Doing stand-up. | ||
| Hey, Brennan, get ready to play after 3,500 people, because if Rogan starts doing it, that's what it means. | ||
| How about that Chicago show? | ||
| I'd love it. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I'm more happy now. | ||
| I get more satisfaction when there's those live crowds. | ||
| That's why I put them on Instagram, because I'm so happy. | ||
| It's hard to explain, because in the UFC, if you have a fight, right? | ||
| And I've never been in the main event. | ||
| I've been co-main events. | ||
| I've been in big fights. | ||
| But the crowd's not there just to see you. | ||
| They're there to see all fighters, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| But out of firing a kid, whether it's 800, 900 people, these sold-out shows, they're really there to see Bryan and Brendan. | ||
| So the love I get from that, I've been seeking it, looking for it my entire life. | ||
| My entire life. | ||
| For this approval, you know what I'm saying? | ||
| For this fucking approval, my entire life sold out tomorrow. | ||
| It's hard for me not to cry, man. | ||
| When I get done with them, it's hard for me not to cry. | ||
| Is that a bathroom? | ||
| That's Irvine, right? | ||
| You guys are doing Irvine? | ||
| Yeah, Irvine tomorrow night. | ||
| I think there's like nine tickets left. | ||
| That's a fat room. | ||
| I can't wait, man. | ||
| It's like Super Bowl Sunday for me, man. | ||
| It's fun, right? | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Now you get it. | ||
| I get it. | ||
| Thank God brain trauma hasn't kicked in where I can still fucking... | ||
| Dude, alpha brain the fuck out of yourself on a daily. | ||
| Eventually they're going to have stem cells. | ||
| You're going to shoot it in there. | ||
| You're going to be a super brainiac. | ||
| Hopefully, man. | ||
| You don't want to get too smart, though. | ||
| Because if you get too smart, you'll consider the repercussions of saying what you're about to say. | ||
| I know right now I'm just like that dumb fucking... | ||
| Dog just going, saying stuff? | ||
| I keep a certain amount of stupid on hand just for coming. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I really do. | |
| You have to, huh? | ||
| There's a certain amount of, like, if I wanted to really go fucking Sat Nam, Namaste, and fucking meditate all day, the problem is I could kind of go there, too. | ||
| Those guys aren't funny, though, are they? | ||
| No! | ||
| Well, it's not the kind of funny I do. | ||
| No, not at all. | ||
| Some people get bruised up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For sure. | |
| My kind of comedy, people get bruised up. | ||
| But the thing is, if they don't have an opinion on what you're doing one way or the other, you're not doing shit, son. | ||
| You want more people to like you than hate you, but you need both. | ||
| If we release podcasts and I get all these hateful things and good things, I'm like, perfect, man. | ||
| We're doing good. | ||
| I know what I like. | ||
| I know the kind of comedy that I like. | ||
| And that's the kind of comedy that I like to do. | ||
| I don't like calm comedy. | ||
| I like chaos. | ||
| I like watching people have fun. | ||
| There's only a couple ways to do that. | ||
| The subject matter is always going to be controversial. | ||
| Like I always say, Joey Diaz is my favorite all-time comic. | ||
| Because he's 100% controversial. | ||
| His take on everything is always going to be controversial. | ||
| It's always going to be chaos. | ||
| That's why you go to a show, because you don't want to hear what the average... | ||
| You want to see outrageous shit, man. | ||
| Well, he's a rock and roll comic. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, you're watching some fucking rock and roll. | ||
| You're watching some chaos. | ||
| That's what I want, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the best. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's why when someone has an opinion, like, that's why I don't watch these shows, whether it's NFL or UFC, where I know who's paying their bills, so they don't give a real opinion. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like, nah, bitch. | ||
| Tell it like it is. | ||
| Well, that's why they wouldn't let you on UFC tonight. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| That's why they got rid of it. | ||
| Also, I'm doing so well in my own shit with Firing the Kid and these live tours, when they wanted me to drive to Burbank to film the show and do all that stuff, I'm like, you gotta pay me this much, man. | ||
| This is what I'm worth now. | ||
| And they're like, well, we can get this dude for this. | ||
| I'm like, do that! | ||
| Good luck! | ||
| Do that, son! | ||
| Do that! | ||
| Well, you understand your value. | ||
| You know, I think that is one thing where if I could give the UFC advice... | ||
| One thing that I would say is turn guys loose. | ||
| Turn guys loose. | ||
| Let them be themselves. | ||
| That's what makes the UFC special because you look at baseball, it's on a downward trend because they have all these rules and guys can't be themselves. | ||
| We have so many personalities and to become a fucking cage fighter in your underwear, you gotta be pretty fucking crazy. | ||
| So you get these cool colorful personalities. | ||
| We want that man. | ||
| Let that fucking go. | ||
| Do you remember when Matt Brown got in trouble for talking about, like, Ronda and Misha? | ||
| He goes, I'm not watching unless the women are naked. | ||
| Just some redneck shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Matt Brown is a fucking savage. | |
| Super savage. | ||
| He did a video the other day on Instagram of him with his kid on his lap, and his kid's, like, being cute and, you know, his little tiny baby, and he's like, it's hard being hard. | ||
| Because he's like trying to make a fucking hard ass face. | ||
| He's just a straight savage. | ||
| He's just a savage and he's holding on to a baby in between deadlifts and punching people in the dick. | ||
| He's got a fucking baby in his head. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Does he have a fight coming up? | ||
| I feel like he does. | ||
| He was supposed to be scheduled but why do I think he pulled out or something or the fight got cancelled? | ||
| Wasn't he supposed to be fighting? | ||
| Why do I think he was supposed to be fighting Damien Maia? | ||
| Because he's the last guy to beat Wonderboy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was like four or five years ago, though. | ||
| What is Matt Brown's... | ||
| See if we can find that. | ||
| I feel like there was a great fight that was coming up that I was super excited for and it got canceled. | ||
| Do you have any hint of scoop on whether McGregor's going to fight Aldo next? | ||
| Or is it going to be Frankie Edgar? | ||
| I think he fights Frankie. | ||
| Frankie Edgar is a way easier sell. | ||
| The Aldo fight, if Aldo comes back and wins, and wins in spectacular fashion, like say, if Aldo and Cub Swanson have a rematch, because Cub Swanson and Aldo went the same way that Frankie and McGregor went. | ||
| Aldo jumps at him, hits him with a flying knee, two seconds into the fight, and cracks him. | ||
| You can't sell Aldo McGregor, too. | ||
| You can sell Frankie, just like you said. | ||
| Why not? | ||
| Because Aldo has to win. | ||
| He's got to win again. | ||
| If he wins again, see, the difference is, You could sell it, but you wouldn't sell it for as much as if Aldo won. | ||
| Okay, Damien Ma. | ||
| Yeah, I was right. | ||
| Alright, UFC 198. Damien Ma is on a win streak. | ||
| That's in Brazil? | ||
| Hey! | ||
| Yeah, that's Fabricio Verdum, Stipe Miocic. | ||
| We'll be doing a fight companion because Joseph will be here. | ||
| Fuck yeah, son. | ||
| That is the weekend of my daughter's birthday, so I can't go. | ||
| Go back to what you're saying about McGregor-Aldo. | ||
| Oh, so Aldo would have to... | ||
| He would have to, I mean... | ||
| Redeem himself? | ||
| There would have to be something you could sell that's... | ||
| Like, when Manny Pacquiao got knocked dead, the Floyd Mayweather fight was off, but then he beats Chris Algieri, looks like a fucking demon again, starts looking fantastic, and you go, okay... | ||
| We can see it. | ||
| We can see it again. | ||
| And then they sold the fight. | ||
| But if they tried to go right from the Juan Manuel Marquez knockout, right into the fight, they would lose a shitload of money. | ||
| The fighter has to win. | ||
| Joe, that's why I like for... | ||
| For Misha, I want Misha Holly too. | ||
| Do you? | ||
| I want Misha Ronda. | ||
| Really? | ||
| You want to see it for a third time? | ||
| I don't. | ||
| I think Misha's better now. | ||
| It'd be interesting to see. | ||
| Why do that? | ||
| But she's the champ. | ||
| Misha's the fucking champ now. | ||
| I think that's the fight. | ||
| Because she's lost to Ronda twice already and didn't really come close to beating her. | ||
| She could lose to Amanda Nunes. | ||
| Amanda Nunes is no fucking joke. | ||
| That's why you can't toss Amanda Nunes in there right now. | ||
| Because there's only three bitches who can fight right now that we're going to pay to see, really. | ||
| So you have Misha, Holly, Ronda, right? | ||
| Ronda's out probably until November is what they're saying. | ||
| So basically eight months. | ||
| Just because of movies? | ||
| Who knows? | ||
| I bet she hurries her ass back up now that Misha's champ, right? | ||
| I don't know, man, because who knows, man? | ||
| So let's say it's eight months, though. | ||
| If Misha just chooses to fight differently and not engage her and fight the way she fought Holly, if she fights Holly and fights smart and measured... | ||
| Bro, she was getting her ass whooped against Holly until she pulled that out. | ||
| She was definitely losing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Definitely losing. | |
| She was not getting whooped though. | ||
| I wouldn't say she was getting whooped. | ||
| Her face was well taken care of at the end of the fight. | ||
| I can't go based on face, especially with 135 pound girls. | ||
| But listen, she never got rocked. | ||
| Her knees never buckled. | ||
| She never looked like she was going down or going out. | ||
| She was down 3 to 1. She was definitely down in points, but nothing Holly was doing was scary. | ||
| Holly was fighting real smart, and she was moving. | ||
| Completely in control of the fight. | ||
| Completely in control of the stand-up exchanges. | ||
| It wasn't like, is Misha going to win this? | ||
| I was talking to Brian during the fight, and I went, Man, it sucks for Misha, man. | ||
| She's always second best because if she's champ, she's a great champ because she looks good, she talks good, she represents good for women in the UFC. I would say all those things, great. | ||
| Yes, me too. | ||
| She's a great champ. | ||
| Best champ we've had, I think. | ||
| She's a really nice person. | ||
| Amazing. | ||
| She's great. | ||
| So is Holly, by the way. | ||
| Yeah, she's a smoke show. | ||
| That's what you want. | ||
| Especially that ass. | ||
| That ass is from the heavens. | ||
| No disrespect, Brian Carraway. | ||
| I was talking about this on the podcast. | ||
| I think that nobody talks about that. | ||
| That's a real love story. | ||
| That's an American love story. | ||
| Brian Carraway is so in her corner. | ||
| I think it's very romantic. | ||
| I think that's a very fucking... | ||
| I do. | ||
| I'm gonna cry a little bit. | ||
| I think you need to relax a little bit. | ||
| It's romantic, man. | ||
| Yeah, I know, but you won't shut the fuck up about it. | ||
| But nobody gives... | ||
| Nobody talks about it. | ||
| Yeah, because we don't give a fuck. | ||
| I do. | ||
| I think it's awesome. | ||
| I almost cried again when I was interviewing Misha. | ||
| When Misha won? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because she finally did it? | ||
| When she said... | ||
| When I said, how's that sound? | ||
| She goes, I've been waiting to hear you say those words for so long. | ||
| That was amazing. | ||
| Dude, how about she was gonna retire? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How about she was like, they're not giving my shot. | ||
| I'm about to be the fuck out. | ||
| Well, she was thinking about it. | ||
| What's she doing with her life? | ||
| This is all I'm saying, Joe. | ||
| If, let's say, for whatever reason, you can't fight until November. | ||
| So that's, what, eight months? | ||
| Right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why not do Holly Misha 2? | ||
| Well, you certainly could. | ||
| That's the only other fight you can do. | ||
| But the problem with that fight is, well, there's not really a problem with that fight. | ||
| What's the worst that happens? | ||
| Holly wins, then you have Holly-Ronda that we want to see, really? | ||
| That's the biggest blockbuster fight in history. | ||
| Because you've lost that. | ||
| Definitely. | ||
| But I would like to see, the problem is the time frame, but I would like to see Ronda versus Misha. | ||
| But, what if Misha wants to sit it out? | ||
| What if Misha wants to wait for Ronda, and she just trains like a fucking demon for AJ? Which is what Holly should have done, and they should have just been on this PR fucking tour to build her celebrity up so high, so by the time her and Ronda fight, it's the biggest fight in UFC history. | ||
| I'm going to get Dana on the phone and have him hire you. | ||
| You know what's up. | ||
| Well, Dana agreed with that. | ||
| Of course. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what he said. | |
| That's what he wanted. | ||
| That's what Dana was saying. | ||
| That's what Dana was saying. | ||
| And I remember... | ||
| Blast out. | ||
| People think I don't like Dana. | ||
| I like Dana, man. | ||
| We just disagree on certain things. | ||
| Who gives a fuck? | ||
| But I say, because Dana goes, yeah, she should have waited, but we had a meeting with her manager. | ||
| She was even in on the meeting, and they wanted to hurry up and fight, which I think was a mistake. | ||
| He's 100% correct. | ||
| Well, 100% correct financially, but you've got to respect her as a warrior. | ||
| What she wanted to do, she wanted to get in there, she wanted to throw down. | ||
| People argue that all the time. | ||
| Oh, Shob, you've been a better fighter if you're a warrior. | ||
| You're an armchair quarterback when you're talking about Monday morning. | ||
| The day of the fight, she could have won. | ||
| And if she did won, she would look like even more of a king or queen. | ||
| But pros and cons, I'm talking about when people say, ah, but such a warrior. | ||
| Listen, being a warrior doesn't pay the fucking bills 20 years from now. | ||
| That's true, but you gotta understand, she made a fuckload of money for that fight. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She would've made so much more fucking money for Ronda. | |
| I would say she's gonna have a shot at Ronda. | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| Holly? | ||
| I think Holly. | ||
| Who knows how many fights Ronda's gonna fight? | ||
| But this is the risk in MMA. The risk in MMA is, look, if Conor loses to Frankie Edgar, Which is a possibility. | ||
| It's a scary fight for Conor. | ||
| Very, very strong fight. | ||
| And so, in a way, if he loses to Nate, now he loses to Frankie, that luster, that shine is gone. | ||
| And that's one of the things about MMA. He still has that shine though right now. | ||
| He still has that shine because he lost a fucking savage at one season. | ||
| Frankie Edgar is a 48-hour storm. | ||
| You better have everything strapped down. | ||
| He knocked Chad Mendes the fuck out. | ||
| He's a 48-hour star. | ||
| He's not going to get tired. | ||
| Never. | ||
| He's not getting tired, and he's going to keep coming at you. | ||
| Oh, and he can wrestle his ass off. | ||
| He can wrestle his ass off, and he's going to come at you with crazy angles. | ||
| His footwork is sensational. | ||
| This is the problem, though. | ||
| If Conor connects, which Frankie does get hit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You think could knock Connor out? | ||
| I mean, Frankie could get knocked out by Connor? | ||
| Oh, very possible. | ||
| Very, very possible. | ||
| I think Connor could knock out anybody. | ||
| It's a good fight for Connor. | ||
| At 145, Connor will not starch anybody. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| Anybody. | ||
| He's so heavy-handed. | ||
| But, by the way, so will Cub Swanson. | ||
| Cub Swanson couldn't connect on Frankie. | ||
| He got murked, didn't he? | ||
| He got murked. | ||
| He got crowned. | ||
| Frankie just wolverined him. | ||
| Just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very possible that will happen. | |
| First of all, you know, Conor's got to suck a lot of weight. | ||
| It's a very hard suck for him. | ||
| And it's a five-round fight, and man, if anybody can grind you into the ground, it's that guy. | ||
| And you look at the Chad Mendes fight, obviously Conor had a knee injury going into that fight, but Chad took him down at will. | ||
| When Frankie gets you tired, man... | ||
| You're in trouble, because that motherfucker moves. | ||
| What he did to Cub Swanson was incredible. | ||
| I mean, he just wore him down. | ||
| I've never seen an asshole been like, really. | ||
| Cub, as far as I've seen everyone in the gym, Cub is the most talented guy I've ever seen in the gym. | ||
| It's fucking insane how talented that kid is. | ||
| So when I saw Frankie just dismantle him, I was like, holy fuck. | ||
| Frankie, Edgar, like you said, his footwork, his boxing's great, hard to hit. | ||
| You know why they're not probably giving him, and I don't know the numbers, but I would assume, I don't think he's a draw. | ||
| Frankie's not, but it's a big fight. | ||
| But if you give him Conor, you're good. | ||
| Because he's a fucking draw. | ||
| So what I'm asking is that if you're Conor's manager, and if you're Conor, doesn't it make sense to somehow duck Frankie in the interim? | ||
| No. | ||
| Fight Aldo for the big money. | ||
| That ain't an easy fight. | ||
| You see, you can't sell Aldo unless Aldo wins, I'm telling you. | ||
| How are you going to sell Aldo when he starched him in 16 seconds? | ||
| Because he was a champion for 10 years and also that starching happened so quickly, people go, I'm interested because I want to know if that was a fluke. | ||
| That's why I'm interested. | ||
| Yeah, but Brian, you could sell it. | ||
| You could sell it, but you're not going to sell it for nearly as much as you would sell it if Aldo wins something. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I agree. | |
| You need Aldo to fight. | ||
| Yeah, if Aldo fights Max Holloway, how about that? | ||
| What if he fights Max Holloway, and he looks like the Aldo. | ||
| That's a fucking fight, son! | ||
| And he looks like the Aldo of old, right? | ||
| Or he gets his ass whooped. | ||
| Or he gets his ass whooped. | ||
| But one of those guys emerges, and then you've got the possibility of Max Holloway having a rematch with Conor. | ||
| He's the only guy that took Conor to a decision. | ||
| And we need some young blood, and Max Holloway's that fucking guy. | ||
| And he's a bad motherfucker. | ||
| Oh, he's fucking bastard. | ||
| We need some young blood. | ||
| And he's only like 24. Phew. | ||
| Is he only 24? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought Holloway was fighting at 55. No, he's 45. He's a fucking freak. | |
| He's got a fight coming up though. | ||
| Doesn't Max Holloway have a fight? | ||
| Yeah, we just announced that Aldo, UFC 200, make it happen. | ||
| Why do I feel like he's got a good fight scheduled that I'm interested in? | ||
| Is he fighting llamas? | ||
| Is he fighting Ricardo Lamas? | ||
| Because Lamas just fought Diego, and Diego's only appearance at 45, he was way too sucked up. | ||
| Max is on a total winning streak, isn't he? | ||
| How about Diego Sanchez beating Jim Miller? | ||
| Goddamn season one. | ||
| Season one winner of the Ultimate Fighter. | ||
| Him and Rashad are the only guys left, right? | ||
| Yeah, but Diego is still in the hot mix. | ||
| That fucking kid's an animal. | ||
| He knows one thing. | ||
| Animal. | ||
| Fighting. | ||
| Dude. | ||
| Diego Sanchez. | ||
| Watch his fight with Jake Ellenberger. | ||
| How about Martin Kampman? | ||
| That's the best one. | ||
| Because for two rounds, his fucking face is hanging off of his head. | ||
| He's nuts, man. | ||
| And he wins the third round. | ||
| He wins the fucking third round. | ||
| Doesn't get tired. | ||
| Against a guy in Campman who fought at 85. You know, he's a small 85, as Diego won the season one and won 85 too. | ||
| But very good striking. | ||
| And Diego won the goddamn third round. | ||
| He puts his arms down and he goes, come on! | ||
| And then he starts fighting and you're like, oh! | ||
| He's fucking nuts, man. | ||
| He's mad now. | ||
| Now you got him angry. | ||
| Won the third round against Gilbert Melendez. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That was a fucking crap. | ||
| Dude, I was doing analyst work for ESPN, and all they want to talk about, I think it was JDS and whoever, Verdum was on that. | ||
| I forget which one it was. | ||
| And I went, fuck that. | ||
| Just hear me out. | ||
| Fuck that fight. | ||
| As a guy who knows fighting, you have to. | ||
| You have to talk about Diego and Gilbert Melendez. | ||
| Please! | ||
| And finally, they kind of showed it. | ||
| I'm like, I'm telling you guys, they're fucking dropping the ball. | ||
| This is the fight. | ||
| This is one where I'd show my kid, like, you want to see what fighting is about? | ||
| Insert Gilbert Diego hair. | ||
| I'm like, ESPN, get your shit together. | ||
| Insert, fuck, I think it was JDS Mark Connors on that, I forget, but get the fuck out of my face. | ||
| That's like, some guys, they want to fight like that, but they can't find a willing opponent. | ||
| But if you can get Diego and Gilbert together, Gilbert, if he fought smart, could probably out-move Diego. | ||
|
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|
Oh, for sure. | |
| Out-strike, but he decided to bite down They should put those guys on every car. | ||
| He's not retreating. | ||
| Just every car. | ||
| Every two months those two fight. | ||
| Just every two months. | ||
| He's not going to step back. | ||
| He's going to stand in a phone booth with you and just bang. | ||
| Such a good guy, too, man. | ||
| He got popped. | ||
| For what? | ||
| Steroids. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Ain't that a bitch? | ||
| You get older. | ||
| You need a little help. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| You know, I'm torn on this. | ||
| I swear to God I'm torn. | ||
| You're going to see shorter careers. | ||
| You're going to see more injuries. | ||
| Dad bod Vitor bums me the fuck out. | ||
| Me too, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fantastic. | |
| I'm telling you, Tad Vod Vitor fucked my week up, man, when you see that. | ||
| Let me see it. | ||
| Bring it up. | ||
| I gotta see it. | ||
| TRT Vitor is maybe my all-time favorite fighter to watch. | ||
| No, I like TRT. Just his explosiveness. | ||
| I like TRT Overeem. | ||
| TRT Overeem. | ||
| Okay, you're right. | ||
| Because he's murdering bitches. | ||
| Yeah, TRT Overeem. | ||
| Kicking heads off and shit. | ||
| Versus Brock Lesnar, that's hard to top. | ||
| That made me want to retire early. | ||
| Plus the size factor. | ||
| He's just so big and ridiculous. | ||
| He didn't even look like a human. | ||
| With world-class striking. | ||
| Yeah, but fucking Vitor wheel-kicked Rockhold. | ||
| Never threw a wheel-kick in a fight. | ||
| Hold up, bro. | ||
| Wheel-kick Michael Bisping's eye off. | ||
| That was a round kick. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bisping can't see! | |
| He kicked his eye off. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See, his girl is so fucking hot, too. | |
| Well, it's hard to tell, man. | ||
| That could be the shirt sticking out like that. | ||
| When he fought Chris Wyman, everyone was saying he's fat and that, but that might just be the shirt. | ||
| You can't really tell. | ||
| You know there's certain pictures you take. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I agree. | |
| I like the fact that he put that online. | ||
| He doesn't give a fuck. | ||
| Look at my gut. | ||
| Who gives a shit? | ||
| I just knocked out Dan Henderson in one round, bitch. | ||
| First of all, knocked out Dan Henderson. | ||
| Look at my girl. | ||
| I'm rubbing her shoulders. | ||
| Eat dick, son. | ||
| Yeah, eat it. | ||
| Yeah, I got a gut, but I'm fucking rich and Brazilian. | ||
| You know what I'm saying? | ||
| He's a superstar in Brazil. | ||
| What?! | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like Tom Cruise over there. | ||
| He got hit hardest by the Reebok deal. | ||
| Dude, I saw a special on... | ||
| I watched a documentary on Ronaldo. | ||
| The soccer player? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's who you want to be in your next life. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| What if somebody beats his ass? | ||
| He's small. | ||
| Oh, I don't give a shit. | ||
| He's the king of the world. | ||
| He's a prince. | ||
| I would make out with him. | ||
| All right. | ||
| Vitor Belfort is up there, man. | ||
| That guy's killing it. | ||
| How about TRT Vitor? | ||
| Ah, man. | ||
| TRT Vitor back in the Rockhold days when he fought Bisping. | ||
| Wouldn't you have liked to have seen what would happen if that guy fought Weidman? | ||
| I would have liked to have seen it. | ||
| I think Weidman still beat him with his wrestling. | ||
| It's tough. | ||
| I want to see a TRT Vitor versus Luke Rockhold. | ||
| That's a motherfucking fight. | ||
| Well, we already saw that once. | ||
| Yeah, he did kick his face off. | ||
| Kicked his face off. | ||
| I'm talking about the champion Rockhold now. | ||
| Those are back in the day. | ||
| I'm talking now. | ||
| Dude, TRT Vitor is barely human. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| Is he the scariest guy? | ||
| That's some kind of alien. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Is he the scariest guy? | |
| You know why? | ||
| Because here's the thing about TRT Vitor. | ||
| You got this freak body with abundance of fast twitch muscle fibers. | ||
| Ridiculous work ethic. | ||
| See, he's still in good shape. | ||
| That was him throwing a punch there. | ||
| I don't know why he's throwing one punch and dropping his hands like that. | ||
| Why would you show that video? | ||
| Excuse me, sir. | ||
| It's Vitor Balfour. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's one punch knocking people out. | ||
| But it's weird. | ||
| Like, why would you show... | ||
| This is a weird thing to show. | ||
| I don't think he gives a fuck. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, that's the weirdest thing. | ||
| I guess they're working on some moves or something like that. | ||
| Yeah, he's just moving around. | ||
| Could be at the end of the workout. | ||
| You compare that to go to the Rockhold fight. | ||
| Vitor versus Luke Rockhold. | ||
| By the way, we might have brought up TRT Vitor when we get together about 30 times. | ||
| Now we're obsessed with him. | ||
| Every time. | ||
| He was a psycho, man. | ||
| He was so fucking terrifying. | ||
| You know what threw me for a loop? | ||
| And this just shook my fucking world. | ||
| Kimbo and Ken Shamrock! | ||
| Busted for TR! That's outrageous! | ||
| Who saw that coming? | ||
| I don't believe it. | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at him there. | |
| Oh my lord. | ||
| Look at him there. | ||
| He's a demon. | ||
| Look at Rockhold in that though. | ||
| Rockhold's all natural there, like surfing and shit. | ||
| Just a basic ass haircut. | ||
| Rockhold looks like a schoolboy there. | ||
| He's like, what? | ||
| He had his fucking face kicked off in Brazil. | ||
| Why don't you go ahead and fly 14 hours and get your face kicked off? | ||
| Look at that. | ||
| Rockwell told me he saw him at the weigh-ins and was like, what the fuck is this guy on? | ||
| He said, you could tell just looking at him. | ||
| And then Vitor whispered in his ear, everything. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| He's also, it's training. | ||
| I mean, it is not just the fact that he was on TRT, which he most certainly was, but also the fact that he was training like a fucking monster. | ||
| He was training like 20 hours a day. | ||
| See, that's him all sucked up, though. | ||
| That's at the weigh-ins. | ||
| When he's pointing to his Jesus waistband there. | ||
| Yeah, for sure. | ||
| But when you see, like, above that... | ||
| It might be Jesus. | ||
| Like, throw that wheel kick. | ||
| Yeah, like, that's him when he wheel kicked Rockhold in the head. | ||
| Like, look how big he is. | ||
| I mean, Jesus Christ. | ||
| So the reason why I think he's the scariest is because he's got a massive amount of experience. | ||
| You're talking about a guy who's been fighting since 97. Yeah. | ||
| He's been training since, you know, years before that, right? | ||
| So he's been around forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Almost 20 years in the game. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| He's at 19 years in the game. | ||
| Especially at his level. | ||
| At the highest, highest level. | ||
| At the highest level. | ||
| And he's only like 38 now. | ||
| I think he just turned 38, if I get it correctly. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Such a nice guy, too, man. | ||
| He's like the nicest guy ever. | ||
| Very nice guy. | ||
| Vitor's a smart guy, too. | ||
| You know, and he speaks very fluent English as well as Brazilian, Portuguese, rather. | ||
| But if you look at his body, what you have is this freak body that also has all this knowledge. | ||
| And usually by the time a guy acquires all that knowledge, his body starts to fall apart. | ||
| I had a conversation with Eve Edwards about it. | ||
| We were talking about, like, Eve is a super knowledgeable guy. | ||
| So many fights? | ||
| He's had so many fights. | ||
| And it's almost like he knows so much now, but his body just doesn't cooperate like it did when he was young and wild. | ||
| That's a bummer. | ||
| Back in the Aaron Reilly days, you ever see his fights with Aaron Reilly, hook and shoot? | ||
| But you see a lot of guys who have resurgence, we were talking about this, like heavyweights and stuff, like Ben Rothwell, or guys like that, who, I mean, Fabrizio, you'll see them when they get to be in their 30s. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Arlovski. | |
| Yeah, Arlovski, they get in their 30s and they're fighting differently. | ||
| That's heavyweights though. | ||
| Heavyweights will generally have a longer career and peak later. | ||
| GSP's thinking about coming back. | ||
| I think they genuinely don't know how to move their body as well when they're younger because there's so much mass. | ||
| I think if you look at little tiny people, one of the things I've noticed about having kids is you watch kids in gymnastics class and the shit they can do with their body, it's not just flexibility. | ||
| There's no weight. | ||
| There's no mass. | ||
| So they're like moving their body around, they're rolling around, they're doing flips, and they develop like an understanding of movement. | ||
| It's also being able to measure, like Chris Van Yerden was explaining to me how as you get better and better at boxing, you have to move less because your eye can measure shots. | ||
| So instead of like really moving to the side, like a guy like that will just literally step back like an inch, get you to miss, and then boom, capitalize. | ||
| Experience is priceless, man. | ||
| Before I fought Roy Nelson, I remember Nate telling me, I was like, dude, I'm more athletic. | ||
| And he goes, yeah, but man, he has so much experience. | ||
| I'm telling you, it's priceless. | ||
| I was like, yeah, what the fuck does Nate Marquardt know? | ||
| A lot. | ||
| Nate Marquardt's a perfect example, too. | ||
| Who the fuck did he just knock out? | ||
| C.B. Dalloway. | ||
| And I was saying in that fight, I'm like, C.B. can't open up and chase him. | ||
| Fuck, no. | ||
| You can't just open up because the last thing to go on a guy like Nate Marquardt is his punch. | ||
| And Nate Marquardt can crack. | ||
| So hard. | ||
| And he's cracked. | ||
| A lot of guys. | ||
| He's got a lot of memories of cracking people. | ||
| It's just in his muscle memory. | ||
| Horizontal. | ||
| He went flying through the air. | ||
| You see that bullshit leg kick? | ||
| He tried to throw a knee at him. | ||
| He tried to lead knee. | ||
| He just caught him with a straight right. | ||
| Dude, old school Nate Markhart. | ||
| Fuck, he was a badass. | ||
| He was a guy that was super talented but might have had a little bit too much damage by the time he got to the UFC. He started fighting when he was 17. Yeah. | ||
| 17. He's still doing it and winning. | ||
| The fight coming up. | ||
| His fucking highlight reel knockout of Tyron Woodley in Strikeforce is one of the best. | ||
| Are you talking about that Mortal Kombat combo? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| One of the best combos. | ||
| Oh, he's a monster. | ||
| So talented. | ||
| Such a diverse and a lot of traditional martial arts techniques mixed with some really good boxing as well. | ||
| Well... | ||
| Extensive martial arts background. | ||
| And he started fighting when he was very young. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like the first, like... | ||
| Especially in Colorado, man. | ||
| Nate was the shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's the one... | ||
| I went... | ||
| I looked Nate up because he's the badass. | ||
| I went straight to his gym. | ||
| You said you'd never seen him lose a round in practice. | ||
| Not for a very, very, very long time. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He was like our team captain. | ||
| Well, GSP was his number one training partner, wasn't he? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He's the one that created that whole connection. | ||
| You're going to get better if your training partner is one of the greatest ever. | ||
| Well, there's that, but the word was always that Nate was better. | ||
| That's what I've heard. | ||
| I mean, Nate was a bigger guy, and he was fighting at 185. I asked Nate one time, I said, how do you do against GSP? And he said, well... | ||
| That's all I said. | ||
| He's so modest. | ||
| I go, what are you doing well? | ||
| Most fighters are going to do it. | ||
| Yeah, he's not going to say anything else. | ||
| Yeah, why would he say anything? | ||
| There's nothing worse. | ||
| What does his dick say? | ||
| He's like, well, who could he cover underwears? | ||
| There's nothing worse than when you ask a guy something and he fucking, oh, dude, I fucked whoever, Vitor Belfort up in round one of practice? | ||
| We're talking about practice. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of guys that have that, right? | ||
| Oh, it's the worst. | ||
| The practice thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's some good fights coming up, man. | ||
| What's your call? | ||
| You got Frank Miramar Hunt. | ||
| Yeah, that's interesting. | ||
| What's your call? | ||
| Magny Hector Lombard. | ||
| That fight scares me. | ||
| You know Neil's my buddy, and Hector, I'm a Hector Lombard fan. | ||
| He gets a hold of you. | ||
| You going for a ride. | ||
| He's also a guy that's been, he tested positive. | ||
| And he's been around a long time. | ||
| Another mind-blowing one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know. | |
| Who saw that column? | ||
| I was so surprised. | ||
| I'm like, what? | ||
| With that ass? | ||
| That's artificially created? | ||
| Looks like the letter S. Well, he, I feel like, is in the same boat as his other Cuban compatriot, Yoel Romero, in that they got to the UFC a little late in their career. | ||
| People forget, Hector Lombard was murking everybody over in Bellator. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| He came over from Bellator. | ||
| 85. Like, people forgot. | ||
| They forgot. | ||
| You bitches forgot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He's ripping dudes' faces off. | ||
| And he's, I think he's only 5'9". | ||
| He's tiny. | ||
| The fight, the fight, he might even be 5'9". | ||
| He might be 5'8". | ||
| But the fight to see is him fighting. | ||
| I like how they do it in inches. | ||
| That's 5'9", right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The fight, the fucking body on that guy. | ||
| Jesus Christ! | ||
| I've never seen an ass, no homo, I've never seen an ass on a male in my life. | ||
| It's the best ass I've ever seen. | ||
| But he can explode on you, man. | ||
| He can explode on you. | ||
| In many ways. | ||
| The way he knocked out Nate, a perfect example. | ||
| That knockout of Nate Markhart was fucking ferocious. | ||
| The angles and the fearlessness in which he chased Nate down and the knockout power. | ||
| When he's on, man, he's fucking terrifying. | ||
| Good luck beating him when he's on. | ||
| I want to see him fight Robbie Lawler. | ||
| That's the fight I want to see. | ||
| How old is Hector now? | ||
| Not young. | ||
| But he's never taken a beating in there. | ||
| Still rolls with that acne, though. | ||
| How about when he went in and fucking destroyed Paul Harris? | ||
| 38. That's when you saw how fucking scary he is, because Paul Harris couldn't do shit to him. | ||
| Hector Lombard, before this drug test, and we don't know how he's going to be now, but the scariest guy at 170. Who the fuck knows? | ||
| If you draw that card, you're like, ah, fuck. | ||
| Fuck, son. | ||
| That ain't smart. | ||
| It's not fun. | ||
| That ain't one where you're like, ah, I can expose this. | ||
| Magni looks like he's in a different weight class. | ||
| I mean, that might be the picture, but... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or maybe it's not the picture. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Magni's long and tall, though. | ||
| He's a totally different guy. | ||
| Dude, how about... | ||
| Remember when we did the companion... | ||
| Powerful Alan Joban fighting on this card, but how about when we did the... | ||
| What's her name? | ||
| Remy Nakai. | ||
| Remember that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Remember that? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I was all in her ass. | ||
| She's got her ass whooped by Meets Your Date. | ||
| You know what the... | ||
| Look at that build, son! | ||
| She's thick. | ||
| That's a thick one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Cutie pie. | |
| She does like weird fetish stuff. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| I was into it. | ||
| I'm not exactly sure what it is. | ||
| I approve either way. | ||
| It's one of the few times where I read the captions and I'm glad I don't speak Japanese. | ||
| She looks like Mark Hunt and Sakuraba had a baby. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But she's got a cute face. | |
| Fuck you, Cal! | ||
| Don't try covering this up! | ||
| And Leslie Smith, she had to get her ear sewed back on. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| That bitch's ear fell off. | ||
| Bursted. | ||
| Jessica I. Jessica I blasted her ear and it shot up like a volcano. | ||
| And she wanted to keep going. | ||
| Her fucking ear was hanging off her head. | ||
| She had a hole that you could look deep into her skull. | ||
| What? | ||
| I'm not kidding, man. | ||
| I'd never seen anything like it. | ||
| Yeah, she wanted to keep going. | ||
| They stopped it. | ||
| She wanted to keep going. | ||
| She was upset. | ||
| That card is sleeping. | ||
| Good luck picking Knockout of the Night or Performance of the Night. | ||
| There's going to be so many knockouts on that card. | ||
| You look at the matchups. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think there's a better picture, Jamie, where you can see there. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| You just had it right there. | ||
| Click on that one. | ||
| Yeah, you can see how deep the hole was. | ||
| It was a giant hole. | ||
| It's because the skin gets so thin from the cauliflower and that bitch opened up. | ||
| Well, it's not that it gets thin, actually. | ||
| What it is is the actual cauliflower itself. | ||
| It helps rip apart the skin because it's like having a rock under your skin. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| You see that one? | ||
| You see that one, Jamie? | ||
| Look at that one. | ||
| That's what it looked like. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| You see into her fucking ear. | ||
| You can see her brain. | ||
| So do you think while she had it sewed back on, she got the cauliflower trimmed off? | ||
| I would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I would too. | ||
| Trim that shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's gonna grow back if you keep training. | ||
| Isn't she Cesar Gracie? | ||
| I think she's one of them Cesar Gracie NorCal girls. | ||
| Or maybe Dave Terrell. | ||
| You gotta love fighting to do it for a living, man. | ||
| You gotta love fighting. | ||
| She's tough as fuck! | ||
| Read the guy picture, man. | ||
| God damn it, girl. | ||
| Do your thing. | ||
| She looks like an anime doll. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| She is paid to do that shit, too. | ||
| Hey, think about how fucking tough Josh Berkman is. | ||
| We're talking about Hector Lombard. | ||
| Josh Berkman, who just fought his last fight and won at 55... | ||
| He's a veteran, man. | ||
| ...fought Lombard. | ||
| That's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's right. | |
| And he blocked it, sat there in the pocket. | ||
| And he was sick. | ||
| He went into that fight sick. | ||
| Antibiotics, right? | ||
| Yeah, it's all fucked up. | ||
| And that's the fight that Hector tested positive for. | ||
| Yeah, that's the fight Hector tested positive for. | ||
| And Berkman just sat there and just kind of parried and stayed pretty much markless. | ||
| Dude, I thought Berkman was going to get murked. | ||
| He stayed dangerous. | ||
| That's why. | ||
| Especially when Lombard started to get a little tired, he didn't want to come in because... | ||
| He was throwing bombs that fight. | ||
| Yeah, Berkman's winging bombs at you. | ||
| Smart fighter. | ||
| And you could hit him with a bat. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| His defense is excellent. | ||
| That motherfucker could take a shot. | ||
| Well, he can take it, too. | ||
| He's just tough. | ||
| Berkman's been around. | ||
| And he's fought as heavy as, like, 205. Really? | ||
| Yeah, he fought Jeremy Horn once. | ||
| And I don't know what the fuck. | ||
| They had some crazy dispute. | ||
| There was some argument where they hated each other. | ||
| He's been fighting forever. | ||
| Jeremy Horn is, like, one of the nicest guys in the world. | ||
| And Jeremy choked him out and spit on him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| He was out cold. | ||
| Well, he can't do that. | ||
| I don't know what happened. | ||
| But Jeremy's the nicest guy ever. | ||
| Well, he's also a fighter. | ||
| I know, but I'm telling you, the idea that Jeremy could get so upset at someone is almost like alien to me. | ||
| I don't understand it. | ||
| Who does Nate Diaz fight next? | ||
| You should fight Robbie Lawler at UFC 200? | ||
| No, I would say Dos Anjos is the fight. | ||
| Because I think that Robbie Lawler is too big for him. | ||
| If he's going to really fight at 170, he should... | ||
| I mean, he could fight at 170, make no mistake about it. | ||
| But if you look at the Rory McDonald fight, and you look at the Stun Gun Kim fight... | ||
| He could, also, you could easily make an argument, and I think it's not even an argument, it's a fact, he's a lot better than he was when he fought Rory McDonald, and he's a lot better than he was when he fought Dong Young Kim. | ||
| I think his fight, his last fight in particular, not just the Conor McGregor fight, but the fight with Michael Johnson before that, he's on fire. | ||
| Nate is comfortable. | ||
| He's confident and Nate is one of the slickest dudes when it comes to rolling with punches. | ||
| When Nate gets hit, Nate gets hit and he goes with shit. | ||
| He's going with shit and he's got this like long slinky fucking jab that comes out of nowhere. | ||
| You have to give him a super fight after being Conor McGregor and he has such fucking momentum. | ||
| Whether he agrees with what the UFC does or whatever, you have to give that guy I think a title shot. | ||
| Well, the UFC, I think, they have to recognize that he's a superstar right now. | ||
| Nate Diaz is a fucking superstar right now. | ||
| But fight at 55, though. | ||
| I think 55 is his weight. | ||
| 55 or 70. But if you give him 70, just give him more than two weeks notice. | ||
| I think he has a better chance beating Robbie Lawler than he does Dos Anjos. | ||
| God, Robbie's just too big and strong, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| Dos Anjos, yeah. | ||
| Well, Dos Anjos was his loss before he fought Michael Johnson. | ||
| Dos Anjos leg kicked the shit out of him. | ||
| Horribly. | ||
| And mangled him on the ground once his leg was all fucked up. | ||
| Dos Anjos is... | ||
| Dos Anjos is a goddamn juggernaut, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who does he fight? | |
| He fights Conor. | ||
| That's what I think. | ||
| No, come on, son. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| No, you can't do that. | ||
| That's Conor's worst matchup. | ||
| That's what we were supposed to see! | ||
| No! | ||
| That's what we were supposed to see! | ||
| Not anymore! | ||
| I don't think it works out well for Conor. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| I don't want to see that fight now. | ||
| What if he sleeps him? | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Whack! | ||
| What if he one-punches him like he did also? | ||
| He's a better boxer. | ||
| And we're like, God damn it! | ||
| This is chaos! | ||
| It's possible. | ||
| It is possible. | ||
| He has to go to 145, fight Frankie, and then let's talk about 55. Well, I think he kind of has to defend his title. | ||
| You can't lose at 70, then fight the champ at 55, and then go back to 45. It doesn't work like that. | ||
| Here's a big thing. | ||
| Here's a question. | ||
| I'm not saying. | ||
| I'm asking a question. | ||
| Oh, here we go. | ||
| Is it possible? | ||
| I'm gonna get shit. | ||
| Look, is it possible that Conor McGregor, because he's an excellent boxer and he's got that left hand, Is it possible that we're going to see people game plan to say, hey, just stay away from that left hand, and if you do, you can just grab them and grind them into the ground? | ||
| You're not going to get shit for that. | ||
| We're talking about just take them down? | ||
| That's nothing new. | ||
| Did you not really have a question and you just came up with a question after you said that? | ||
| No, my question? | ||
| That's what it was, right? | ||
| Jamie knows. | ||
| Everyone knows his weak point is wrestling. | ||
| I've asked you this. | ||
| In other words, do you think that... | ||
| If he gets... | ||
| I guess what I'm really asking is... | ||
| Yeah, please spit it out. | ||
| What I'm really asking is, is he just really good with that left hand? | ||
| And if you negate that, he becomes ordinary? | ||
| No, he's an excellent fighter. | ||
| He's an amazing fighter. | ||
| People thrown in the towel because he lost at 179. You don't just knock out Aldo with one punch, destroy Marcus Brimage, destroy Diego Brandao. | ||
| He's destroyed Dennis Seaver. | ||
| He looks like a murderer. | ||
| He smashed Chad Mendes. | ||
| Conor McGregor is a gangster. | ||
| There's no doubt about it. | ||
| He just got a little crazy. | ||
| He thought he could fight anybody. | ||
| He went up all the way up to 170. He took a chance. | ||
| Granted, he fought Nate Diaz, who's not a real 170 anyway, but he's a legit 155 who can't make 145. Nate can't make 145. You see Nate cut down to 55, he is fucking shredded. | ||
| So another 10 pounds after that, that's not going to happen. | ||
| But Conor can make that weight, so you've got to think that Nate is a bigger guy. | ||
| And I'll tell you why Conor's still the biggest draw in the UFC, because, and everyone should take notes, the way he's handled this loss... | ||
| He doesn't go into hiding. | ||
| He's not doing interviews. | ||
| He's not talking shit. | ||
| Just, what's up? | ||
| I took a chance. | ||
| I fucking lost, man. | ||
| I will not apologize. | ||
| Still in my suit. | ||
| Not going to apologize. | ||
| Took a fucking risk. | ||
| Who's fucking next? | ||
| Well, he loaded up on Nate. | ||
| He tried to take him out with one shot at a time, and you just can't do that. | ||
| He's not that easy. | ||
| He's not an easy out. | ||
| I don't know how he keeps DeSanjos, besides knocking him out, keeps him away from him. | ||
| I feel like if DeSanjos grabs him, It's a big, big problem. | ||
| Totally different animal physically. | ||
| I haven't seen any answer to that. | ||
| Completely different animal physically. | ||
| Dos Anjos has these thick ass ankles and thick ass wrists. | ||
| Thick ass. | ||
| He's a thick motherfucker. | ||
| They're like knocking him out. | ||
| Have fun getting kicked in the leg by him and then grabbed around the body. | ||
| Also, his pace is insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| He's breaking, dude. | ||
| Especially at 55. When I watched his fight with Pettis, I was like, how's this guy keeping this up? | ||
| See, that's not the move. | ||
| If I'm Conor's manager, I have him first take some time off. | ||
| He doesn't fight at UFC 200. No, you're crazy. | ||
| He's fighting UFC 200. Why would he not? | ||
| When is that? | ||
| Because he just got fucking murked. | ||
| He might need a break because the UFC has him doing interviews 24-7. | ||
| He got punched a couple of times, shot for a takedown. | ||
| He hit a couple of times on the ground and choked out. | ||
| He got concussed. | ||
| Do you think he got a concussion? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Huh? | |
| Yeah, I got fucking a one-two from fucking Nate Diaz that was on Wobble Street. | ||
| But is that a concussion? | ||
| This motherfucker shot a double leg. | ||
| I know he did, but what is technically a concussion? | ||
| Your brain getting fucked up and you see him double and then you revert back to old school stone cold ways. | ||
| A concussion is when your brain's bruised, right? | ||
| Right, well medically. | ||
| Like medically. | ||
| I think it's when you bruise your brain. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We know he got his bell rung. | ||
| We know he got rocked. | ||
| We saw his legs buckle. | ||
| We saw Nate beat the piss out of him on the ground before he choked him. | ||
| So all those count, right? | ||
| That's brain trauma. | ||
| Yeah, so I wonder how much damage he did and I wonder how much time he really should take off because it's not the same like there's obviously levels of it like Rhonda getting head kicked by Holly is like the highest level. | ||
| The highest level is getting Gonzaga'd. | ||
| When Gonzaga knocked out Krokop, that was like the highest level. | ||
| Here's even better. | ||
| Terry Edom versus Barboza. | ||
| When Barboza wheel kicked Terry Edom, that's the highest level of KO. Go and take some time off, son. | ||
| That's the highest level of KO. Like the rest of your life. | ||
| But either way, see, we say, well, he just got his bell rung. | ||
| That's brain trauma. | ||
| But there's levels, right? | ||
| But still. | ||
| But you rushed to UFC 200 for what? | ||
| For what? | ||
| Why not do another day? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Baby, give me that paper. | |
| No, not just that. | ||
| He's going to get paper no matter what. | ||
| Also, also, how long is your career, like, just injuries and stuff, man? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| We need a guy like Conor. | ||
| Look at Chad Mendes, too. | ||
| Look at Chad Mendes. | ||
| Chad Mendes goes from getting stopped by Conor and then immediately gets knocked out with one punch by Frankie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And showed, like, that's not normal for him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Usually he can take a really good shot. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| So he goes from that to that. | ||
| Now, when was the Ricardo Lamas fight? | ||
| It was before the Conor fight, right? | ||
| Before Conor. | ||
| So he fights Ricardo Lamas, dusts him with one punch, hurts him at least with one punch, then puts him away. | ||
| Fights Conor, loses that fight, gets stopped, and gets really rocked. | ||
| Conor hits him with some big left hands. | ||
| He didn't get knocked out, but he kind of just... | ||
|
unidentified
|
He was so tired, and then Frankie got punched. | |
| He got TKO'd. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| And then Frankie just takes him out with one left hook. | ||
| Left hook from fucking New Jersey, son. | ||
| If I'm Connor's camp, I'm losing sleep over that guy Frankie Edgar. | ||
| You have to. | ||
| It's his best matchup. | ||
| If he loses to Frankie, what happens to Connor at that point? | ||
| That's a real good question. | ||
| If he loses to Frankie, he's got to really figure out how to regroup. | ||
| It depends on how Frankie beats him. | ||
| If Frankie takes him down and beats the fuck out of him on the ground, then he's got a real problem. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| A lot of guys go, oh, that's the blueprint. | ||
| Brian, everyone knows that's how you beat Conor. | ||
| Everyone tries to do that, then they get fucking knocked out. | ||
| Everyone knows, everyone in this entire world knows, Conor's weak point is grappling. | ||
| It's nothing new. | ||
| But I would make an argument that he hasn't seen a real grappler. | ||
| Chad Mender. | ||
| Except for Chad was good for one round. | ||
| Joe Duffy, who's the guy who beat him. | ||
| Joe Duffy arm-triangled him. | ||
| That's what I mean. | ||
| So what I'm saying is that... | ||
| I'm telling you, you're saying nothing new. | ||
| No, I know. | ||
| I'm just saying that when you see what Chad Mendes did... | ||
| It's like you're breaking news. | ||
| When you see what Chad Mendes did... | ||
| People right now are getting their fingers ready. | ||
| Brendan's a bully! | ||
| Brian Brendan's a big bully! | ||
| And Rogan backs him up! | ||
| They love picking on you, Calvin! | ||
| No, no. | ||
| That's not what it is. | ||
| No, this is what... | ||
| Brian goes, just hear me out. | ||
| I'm going to take some heat from this. | ||
| No one's ever heard this. | ||
| What if you fight Conor and you take him down? | ||
| Just hear me out! | ||
| I know it's crazy what I'm saying. | ||
| What I said is, if you could just get away, all you have to do is stay away from his left hand and not worry about anything else. | ||
| Yeah, but that's not true because he kicks good. | ||
| Conor's got really good kicks. | ||
| His right hand's amazing, too. | ||
| Did you just say he kicks all right? | ||
| His kicking didn't do a thing to Nate Diaz. | ||
| Okay, yes it did. | ||
| He kicked him with some pretty good leg kicks. | ||
| He didn't throw anything... | ||
| I don't think his kicks are like Dos Anjos is what I'm saying. | ||
| They're not like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't take kicks all right. | |
| He's a different kind of kicker than Dos Anjos. | ||
| I can't entertain this conversation. | ||
| He'll take a piss. | ||
| When Brickell says his kicks are all right... | ||
| In comparison to a lot of guys, I feel like that's not... | ||
| I feel like when you fight Conor, you're worried about his left hand. | ||
| You're not worried about getting knocked out like Holly. | ||
| You say, be careful of that roundhouse. | ||
| You're going to get knocked out. | ||
| With Dos Anjos, watch out for those leg kicks. | ||
| With Aldo, watch out for those leg kicks. | ||
| With Conor, you're saying, stay away from that left hand. | ||
| Let me tell you something. | ||
| If he kicks you in the face, he can knock you out that way too. | ||
| And he can kick you in the face. | ||
| But he hasn't done it to anybody. | ||
| It doesn't mean anything. | ||
| He's got a lethal left hand for sure, but when I watch him throw kicks... | ||
| Well, you're closer. | ||
| He throws a lot of kicks, man. | ||
| He throws a lot of kicks, and a lot of times what he's doing is he's throwing almost disdainful kicks. | ||
| Setting you up. | ||
| Well, he's relaxed with them. | ||
| He's just throwing them in there. | ||
| He just throws them in there. | ||
| He's not like fucking gritting down and digging in. | ||
| Like Barboza grits down, digs in. | ||
| That's exactly what I'm saying, though. | ||
| The kicks themselves might be there as a distraction, but you're not going to have to... | ||
| It's not like your coach says, listen, those kicks are going to knock you out. | ||
| Where's Barboza? | ||
| You're negating the Chad Mendes fight because he fucked Chad up with kicks to the body. | ||
| He hit Chad with a hard spinning back kick to the body. | ||
| He front kicked him to the body a gang of times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think he's got a lot of tools. | ||
| It's just, does he have real world-class tools? | ||
| Like, here's the most world-class striker right now in MMA. Wonderboy. | ||
| That's the most dynamic and exciting striker in MMA. And what he's doing is, he's sport karate, but Muay Thai skills and wrestling, takedown defense. | ||
| And that combination is fucking ridiculous. | ||
| Just hear me out. | ||
| I know it's crazy. | ||
| If I'm fighting him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's long. | |
| He fights his hands down. | ||
| You can't find a sparring partner to match him. | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, he was 57-0, I think it was, in kickboxing. | ||
| Yeah, 57-0. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| This is what's crazy. | ||
| How crazy is MMA where Conor loses, Ronda loses, Holly loses? | ||
| You can't predict it. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| Except for that bad motherfucker, pound for pound, number one, Jon Jones. | ||
| I was going to say Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson. | ||
| Nah, he's lost though. | ||
| I'm talking about the only guy who hasn't. | ||
| He hasn't lost since he fought Dominic Cruz. | ||
| He lost a decision to Dominic Cruz. | ||
| Still lost. | ||
| I'm just saying a guy who hasn't. | ||
| Jon Jones. | ||
| Not even close. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Jon Jones hasn't been... | ||
| Well, Gustafson. | ||
| Still won. | ||
| I want to see him in Rumble. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| I think he's going to wrestle. | ||
| I think if he fights with Rumble, I think you'll see Jon Jones take Rumble down a whole bunch of times. | ||
| Take him down first. | ||
| Here's the thing about Jon. | ||
| Jon could be the nail. | ||
| He's not just the hammer. | ||
| He could be the nail. | ||
| And it's one of the things that's really scary about him. | ||
| He's so fucking talented, but he still can take a beating and he does not give up. | ||
| He got his arm basically snapped backwards by Vitor Belfort, and then he submitted Vitor later in the fight. | ||
| I mean, he fought... | ||
| She had all of Vitor's entire body on him. | ||
| He fought Chael Sonnen, beat the fuck out of him, and in beating the fuck out of him, he broke his toe sideways, twisted it around backwards, and he didn't even realize it until we were talking. | ||
| He didn't even realize it until he had his belt on. | ||
| And he looks down, and the bottom of his big toe is facing up. | ||
| And that's wild, Jon Jones. | ||
| Now he's lifting and praying. | ||
| Good luck beating him! | ||
| He's lifting and drinking fucking... | ||
| He's lifting and praying. | ||
| He's drinking Fiji water and doing squats. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| That's his Instagram. | ||
| They show him lifting and he's like, he's changed. | ||
| This is brilliant. | ||
| He's fucking changed. | ||
| This is a cynical brother shot. | ||
| Cynical Brendan Shaw, who doesn't believe in movement coaches, also doesn't believe John Jones is cherry. | ||
| He does cherry work, Brendan. | ||
| I'm saying good luck beating that dude. | ||
| Good luck beating him. | ||
| Good luck beating that dude. | ||
| And if he is super dedicated, even more good luck beating him. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| Sometimes you need that wild card for greatness. | ||
| You need to be a little crazy. | ||
| I believe that. | ||
| He's a wild mother. | ||
| I want my champ doing a couple lines here and there. | ||
| I want my champ getting caught in a Bentley with prostitutes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's what I'm saying. | |
| When you did that interview with him and Daniel Cormier and we were in the middle, the look in Jon Jones' eyes. | ||
| Oh, he's terrifying. | ||
| Dude, so what happened when the camera wasn't rolling? | ||
| Are you Well, they wouldn't talk to each other before. | ||
| And afterwards, John was... | ||
| They were talking mad shit on the way out in the parking lot. | ||
| But I didn't witness that, so I can't really speak on that. | ||
| But before it... | ||
| Like, I had a conversation with Daniel before it, separately. | ||
| And I had a quick conversation with John before it, separately. | ||
| Just saying, what's up? | ||
| How's everything? | ||
| You know, just chit-chat. | ||
| And... | ||
| Seeing how he's doing and that kind of stuff. | ||
| He's fucking terrifying, man. | ||
| When he's focused, some of the shit that he was saying to Daniel was like, ooh. | ||
| Yeah, he's like, Daniel's problem is I'm the alpha. | ||
| And he wants to be the alpha, but he knows he's always going to be my pussy. | ||
| You're always gonna be my pussy. | ||
| I don't know if they put that on the video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They would kill each other. | |
| They didn't put that? | ||
| They just took off the pussy, I think. | ||
| So it's not out online? | ||
| They would kill each other. | ||
| You can see that they should leave that online. | ||
| It might be online. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| That's a mistake. | ||
| They should leave that in. | ||
| Dude, I want John Jones to go full fucking Batman Joker. | ||
| Just be the heel. | ||
| The darkness. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But I'll tell you what, man. | |
| Daniel was pretty intense, too, man. | ||
| When Daniel was looking at him, sometimes fighters will say things, and he'll go, well, he doesn't really believe that, but he's saying that. | ||
| Daniel was telling him, I'm going to do everything in my power. | ||
| I'm willing to die to beat you. | ||
| I'm willing to die to beat you. | ||
| What did John say? | ||
| He goes, you better be willing to. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| John wasn't shaken by it at all. | ||
| But Daniel was super emotional. | ||
| It was intense, man. | ||
| It was really, really, really intense. | ||
| I'm excited for that fight. | ||
| When did they fight? | ||
| April. | ||
| I'm excited for that fight. | ||
| I don't think it changes, but I'm excited for it. | ||
| Why don't you come? | ||
| You want to come? | ||
| When is it? | ||
| Because we might be on tour. | ||
| We have a Midwest tour in April. | ||
| Are you guys on tour? | ||
| Why don't you guys both come? | ||
| We could, but we have a show, I think. | ||
| It's like April 23rd and 24th? | ||
| Oh, you have a show that night? | ||
| No, we have a show in Oklahoma. | ||
| Oh, we do. | ||
| Well, what a great move, being in Oklahoma. | ||
| You know damn well I don't go to UFC events. | ||
| They're like, hey, can we talk to you in the back? | ||
| What are they going to be mad at you if you hype up the fights? | ||
| Hey, you mind taking an interview with Erdogan? | ||
| Back here, just like Robert De Niro. | ||
| Yeah, back there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Keep going. | |
| Why is that flag? | ||
| Oh, shit. | ||
| Yeah, Schaub died. | ||
| Who killed him? | ||
| We have no idea. | ||
| He just seen me. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| The Dana White entourage kills me. | ||
| I love your child for you. | ||
| At the end of the day, what you do for the UFC by talking about fights, it hypes up fights. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You know, you gotta let it be a little bit looser. | ||
| Because you're dealing with... | ||
| 500 different fighters, so there's hundreds of potential matchups and maybe thousands if you count them all up, right? | ||
| And, you know, there's a lot of disagreement, there's a lot of debate, but what you guys do with the Fighter and the Kid, Fighter and the Kid podcast, F-T-C-K, L-B-Q-T... TFATK.com is the website. | ||
| TFATK, man. | ||
| For my tour schedule. | ||
| What you guys do is you create interest. | ||
| You get people excited. | ||
| You discuss things. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| It's entertaining. | ||
| This is the thing, though, Joe. | ||
| It's like, who pays our bills? | ||
| Not the UFC. I can say whatever I want the realest way. | ||
| Fox doesn't pay my bills, so there's no fucking regulator on there. | ||
| And you're fair. | ||
| And it's rare. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Sometimes. | ||
| Well, I think that what you guys do... | ||
| It's valuable, though, is what I was trying to say. | ||
| It's worth a lot. | ||
| You can't always control the message that comes out when it comes to something as exciting and dynamic and multifaceted as MMA fights. | ||
| There's just too much shit going on. | ||
| And then when it comes to things like controversial things like the Reebok deal or any other kind of sponsored situation or anything along those lines where there's a lot of disagreement... | ||
| You gotta let all that play out. | ||
| If you don't let all that play out, you're dealing with a super dynamic sport, and there's so many different areas to explore, and all those areas create interest. | ||
| And I think by limiting the conversation, what you do is you limit the amount of interest. | ||
| Because there's going to be disagreements. | ||
| There's going to be people that are pro this and pro that and pro her and pro him. | ||
| And if you've got a guy like you who's controversial and says a bunch of crazy shit, all that does is blossom. | ||
| And at the end of the day, you're not a bad guy. | ||
| You like MMA. You love the UFC. Love it. | ||
| You're genuinely intrigued about these matchups. | ||
| You just have a controversial point of view. | ||
| That shouldn't be silent. | ||
| I agree. | ||
| And it's also that, you know, with the Reebok deal or any of these matchups, when you turn on, let's say you watch UFC tonight, who's paying their bills? | ||
| These guys can't be real. | ||
| The fighters with the Reebok deal, they can't come out because they can get backlash. | ||
| So I was the first guy where, yeah, they're censored. | ||
| So I was the first guy where, I'm not censored. | ||
| So I can say how it is, like, oh, you're a hater. | ||
| I'm not a hater. | ||
| I'm one of the first guys that, they can't do anything to me. | ||
| There's literally nothing to do. | ||
| So they banned me from UFC tonight and UFC Fight Pass. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I want double the money. | ||
| That's why I got banned. | ||
| For the first time, there's a guy with a voice. | ||
| Reebok's not paying the bills. | ||
| Zufa's not paying the bills. | ||
| Dana's not in my ear going, make sure you promote this. | ||
| I do what the fuck I want. | ||
| It would be a shame if they were, because it would be a shame if you stopped doing it the way you're doing it, because that's what's fun about it. | ||
| What's fun about your show is that you know that if you get Brennan wound up, he'll start talking some crazy shit. | ||
| I do. | ||
| And I do. | ||
| And the MMA journalists, they probably wrote three stories already during the time we've been doing this podcast. | ||
| They wrote three stories. | ||
| One about Joe Rogan disrespects Misha's ass and Brian Caraway. | ||
| That's probably one of them. | ||
| And you guys bullied me. | ||
| Something about fried chicken. | ||
| Something about fried chicken. | ||
| We bullied you. | ||
| And I'm bullied. | ||
| And I'm sure there's ARCA. I love Christy Mack. | ||
| Yeah, Brian Callen is a wrestling expert. | ||
| And kick expert. | ||
| Brian Callen, breaking news. | ||
| How you beat Conor McGregor. | ||
|
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|
Wrestling. | |
| Take him down. | ||
| Not impressed with Conor McGregor's kick. | ||
|
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|
Take him down. | |
| What? | ||
| What? | ||
| Then someone shows a highlight reel of Conor McGregor doing spinning wheel kicks, front kicks, and dropping Chad Vendez. | ||
| The thing about the internet is I'll get 50 guys going, dude, you were the only one who knew about the kicks. | ||
| I can tell you. | ||
| And then you get like six people going, you should never talk about MMA. You're a piece of shit. | ||
| Well, you're going to have both. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I don't I don't read them anymore ever since talking to you. | ||
| You're like, don't read that shit. | ||
| You should choose who you communicate with in this life. | ||
| And one of the things that's good about criticism and online criticism is you can learn how other people view you. | ||
| And you can go, okay, yeah, I see that's right. | ||
| That's kind of valid. | ||
| Maybe I came off douchey, or maybe I should preface that better, or maybe I should explain myself better. | ||
| But then you realize that some of the people are just trying to hurt your feelings. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then you have to realize, well, what kind of a person just tries to hurt your feelings? | ||
|
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|
Losers. | |
| Yes. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Anybody who's trying to hurt your feelings. | ||
| Reaching out to Big Brown, trying to make you feel bad. | ||
| Why are they doing that? | ||
| Why waste all that time? | ||
| Is there humor involved in what you're doing? | ||
| Are other people enjoying it? | ||
| Is there a method to it? | ||
| Do you have a message? | ||
| Or are you just trying to hurt Big Brown's feelings? | ||
| But it's also, you know you're doing something right. | ||
|
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|
Exactly. | |
| Because you're putting all this positive energy out and people are like, fuck! | ||
| I thought this dumbass was done once he lost to Travis Brown. | ||
| Wrong! | ||
| Keepin' on, keepin' on! | ||
| But anybody, look at Kanye West. | ||
| I'm not a Kanye West fan. | ||
| I mean, I hear from Jamie, his music is excellent. | ||
| I'll tell you a Kanye West story after this. | ||
| I think his clothes are ridiculous. | ||
| I love his shoes. | ||
| But I love the fact that he'll tweet something really stupid and stir all these dummies up. | ||
| Oh, me too. | ||
| His feeding frenzy that he tweets, Bill Cosby's innocent! | ||
| Right before his album drops. | ||
| I mean, come on. | ||
| That is fucking funny. | ||
| That's some master manipulator type shit. | ||
| I ended up marketing genius. | ||
| You know, I used to always go bad on Kanye, and I went out, and I was like, why is this guy, like, everybody likes him, and I know people are very intelligent and speak highly, so I tend to, I looked at this body of work. | ||
| That dude produced... | ||
| Well, I think I could take Kanye down, but what got to me is I was like, this guy's produced a shitload of music and it's all different, so I went and bought every song. | ||
| I bought every song he's ever done, and I spent three days listening to every song like three times, and I got the lyrics, right? | ||
| So I was like, alright, alright, look, you cannot deny that this guy is putting out crazy amounts of work, and it's really good. | ||
| He's very talented. | ||
| But then I started listening to interviews that he was giving. | ||
| Like, long ones. | ||
| Long form interviews. | ||
| And I have to say, I came full circle. | ||
| The musical genius. | ||
| And he's got... | ||
| But he's also got shit to say that I agree with. | ||
| Like, I'm aligned with him. | ||
| I think he has... | ||
| He also trips over his own dick. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And that's the problem. | ||
| And you can relate to a poor Chicago black kid because you grew up rich and... | ||
| No, I can relate to an artist who says, I'm not going to limit myself, and I'm not going to censor myself, and I'm going to speak my mind because we live. | ||
| He goes, I feel like people are crazy. | ||
| Is it just about your Maybach and just about your status, or is it about something else? | ||
| And he was very eloquent about how he spoke. | ||
| I love what he said on Jimmy Kimmel. | ||
| That rant he had about being an artist? | ||
| I told you to watch that. | ||
| Fucking great. | ||
| I'm a Kanye fan, so I tried to convert Brian, and I finally did. | ||
| Do you own a pair of Yeezys? | ||
| I just got them for my birthday. | ||
| They're so hard to get. | ||
| I know Jamie's jealous. | ||
| I just got some. | ||
| 200 pairs of shoes. | ||
| He takes pictures of them. | ||
| That's cool. | ||
| I have a lot of shoes. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| It's not that cool. | ||
| You know what I love, man? | ||
| These are my favorite. | ||
| These new fucking Solomon. | ||
| They're like a hiking shoe that's a running shoe. | ||
| That's a Joe Rogan shoe. | ||
| You run up hills with these bitches. | ||
| Look at the tread in those motherfuckers. | ||
| That's a dad shoe. | ||
| That's an athletic dad shoe right there. | ||
| Son F. It's a fucking mountain hunter shoe, you cunt. | ||
| Mountain hunter dad shoe. | ||
| Yeah, I'd run hills with these motherfuckers on. | ||
| I'd run hills with these dudes. | ||
| He fucking killed animals in those things. | ||
| If you had like hiking boots, right, but you'd turn them into a running shoe. | ||
| Let me see it again. | ||
| Right here. | ||
| Yeah, maybe I'll wear those for my next time. | ||
| They're super light, real thin sole, and you could fucking, you feel the ground with them. | ||
| Can we go hiking? | ||
| Can we go hunting in those? | ||
| Yes, you could, but you wouldn't because you would get shit in your, well, unless you were in a place that didn't have like foliage. | ||
| You're not taking those from Alaska. | ||
| You want a higher, yeah, you want a higher ankle. | ||
| You want something that protects your ankle a little bit more, but if you're running heels, is what I use these for, they're fucking awesome, man. | ||
| This is for me and you, Mr. Rogan. | ||
| You like shoes for their effectiveness and what they actually do. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I just like the way they look. | ||
| I just want them to look good in my jeans. | ||
| You would bind your feet like an... | ||
| Medieval Chinese woman if it looked good. | ||
| You don't give a shit. | ||
| For the Yeezys, I was like, shit, they don't have a 13? | ||
| How's a 12-fit? | ||
| Pretty tight, I'll take. | ||
| I wore these the other day at REI, and they're like, ooh, nice Solomons. | ||
| Those kind of guys. | ||
| Those guys are balls deep in those functional shoes. | ||
| The guys who would buy one of them water bladders that you put in your backpack. | ||
| Carry a water bottle, you fuck! | ||
| I like my salesman to be opinionated. | ||
| I went to buy boots at REI for a hunting trip, and I was like, I'm going to Alaska. | ||
| And I love a guy who's like, ooh, well, let me think about this. | ||
| Now, is it going to be in the winter? | ||
| Yeah, I'm looking at precipitation right now. | ||
| Let me pull up my graph. | ||
| That's my guy. | ||
| That's my guy. | ||
| Well, this soul is a fourth of an inch. | ||
| I'm going to say you're going to want that. | ||
| I want a guy who speaks in graphs and numbers. | ||
| When I buy a car, I want to hear the dude give me, well, we've got more cabin room in this. | ||
| I'm all about that guy, the detail guy. | ||
| I talked to a guy at the BMW dealership once. | ||
| We're discussing something about an M3, and he didn't know. | ||
| Jack, sure. | ||
| I got so turned up, I almost wanted to get away from them. | ||
| I want to want to torque, weight, all that. | ||
| Does this one have the active suspension? | ||
| They gotta know their shit, man. | ||
| If you don't know, this is one of the best cars you guys have ever made. | ||
| It's also your job, bitch. | ||
| You're wearing a suit working on BMW for sure. | ||
| Tell me about the car. | ||
| You're selling these things. | ||
| How do you not know? | ||
| How do I know more than you? | ||
| I'm a comedian. | ||
| When I went to look at my car, I did a little private experiment. | ||
| I was looking at Audis. | ||
| I was looking at Toyotas. | ||
| I was looking at Lexus. | ||
| And I did a little thing. | ||
| It's a chauvinistic thing, but I found that women, sales women, They're not up on the details like guys are. | ||
| Guys love numbers, stats, and all that. | ||
| And I found that women would usually go, you know, they knew the car, but they'd be like, I don't know about the... | ||
| That's something that I'd have to ask. | ||
| You should know that. | ||
| Yeah, guys. | ||
| You should definitely know that. | ||
| Dude, I go in with all my research done. | ||
| I don't want this dude yapping my ear off. | ||
| I know what the fuck I want. | ||
| Like when I bought my Prius, which the lease is up next month, thank baby Jesus, I'm I bought it just for camp because I was driving all over California. | ||
| The lease is up, but when I bought that thing, he goes, oh, you want a test drive? | ||
| I'm like, nah, bitch, it's a Prius. | ||
| I'll figure it out. | ||
| I don't want to take it around the block. | ||
| It's depressing. | ||
| I'm just doing it for gas mileage. | ||
|
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|
Then I got in, I was like, I need to figure something out. | |
| Oh, you had to go through the book? | ||
| Prius would bum you out. | ||
| You drive your Porsche, like, I beat him everywhere. | ||
| You drive your Porsche very carefully. | ||
| I only open up when it's necessary. | ||
| Well, he's not a dickhead. | ||
| But if you had one of those cars, you would appreciate what one of those cars can do. | ||
| It's a ride. | ||
| It's a piece of art. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| When you're driving that thing, you're driving a finely engineered machine that's perfectly balanced to take corners. | ||
| Preach. | ||
| Preach Joe Rogan. | ||
|
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|
That's what it is. | |
| And it has this fucking sound of that flat six in the back. | ||
| That's why I don't mind driving. | ||
| I get in my car, I'm like, fuck yeah. | ||
| Hey man, I don't take corners. | ||
| You know what I mean, guys? | ||
| I'm in traffic a lot, but thanks. | ||
| No, it doesn't matter. | ||
| You can occasionally get out of traffic. | ||
| And when you do, it's way more fun to be in his car than your fucking granddad mobile. | ||
| You don't know. | ||
| Granddad mobile. | ||
| I'm the guy when I see other Porsche on the road, I go... | ||
| Fucking thumbs up. | ||
| Fucking A, man. | ||
| You know what I saw the other day? | ||
| It's an elite club. | ||
| I had to wave to this guy and give him a thumbs up. | ||
| He had a Corvette Z06. The new Z06, the top comes off, so it becomes like a target top. | ||
| It'll melt your face. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Crazy fast. | ||
| It sounds so good. | ||
| Nothing sounds better than a fucking American V8. And you gave a serious sound. | ||
| This is a sound. | ||
| Woo! | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| You know what I think? | ||
| When I think of that, when you make that noise, I go, I wouldn't hear my books on tape as loudly. | ||
| Oh, man. | ||
| That's the difference between us. | ||
| That's literally where my head went. | ||
| I was like, ooh, I couldn't really listen to a book, a novel. | ||
| My wife gets in my car the other day. | ||
| She goes, what the fuck are you listening to? | ||
| I was listening to the Knock On podcast. | ||
| Knock On is an archery-based podcast by this guy John Dudley. | ||
| Goddamn, son. | ||
| Podcast is all about archery. | ||
| Yeah, he talks about fucking super technical shit about archery. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You love it? | |
| Fuck! | ||
| Fuck yeah! | ||
| I listen to it every day. | ||
| Dude, we still haven't sighted my bow, bro. | ||
| I know, I know, I know. | ||
| We've got to get your bow to a range, and we've got to get your draw length measured and stuff like that. | ||
| Obviously. | ||
| We can do that. | ||
| It's super important, Brian, that you do that. | ||
| We're going to go out in August, is what we're going to go out. | ||
| So what we're going to have is a good solid two to three months of serious preparation. | ||
| It's called training camp. | ||
| What I want is you to be able to shoot accurately to 20 yards. | ||
| And then what I want you to do is not shoot anything outside of 20 yards. | ||
| They call me dead-eye. | ||
| In that amount of time, I think we can get that done. | ||
| I think we can get you to it. | ||
| Hey Joe, I want to save your time because you're a busy man. | ||
| You know Brian's not a hunter, right? | ||
| Hey, no, I'm a hunter. | ||
| No, no, Brian's a hunter. | ||
| They call me dead-eye, bro. | ||
| They call me dead-eye. | ||
| I watched him shoot several deer, and he is steady on the fucking trigger. | ||
| He squeezes. | ||
| He doesn't jerk it. | ||
| He's got a great shot. | ||
| He's got a great aim. | ||
| No, he doesn't panic. | ||
| He makes good shots. | ||
| How long are you guys going for? | ||
| We'll probably go for five or six. | ||
|
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|
Hey, don't tell him. | |
| Don't tell him. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| Don't worry about it. | ||
| You know what? | ||
| We'll be back. | ||
| We're going to be back. | ||
| We'll be back with meat. | ||
| Just know that you wait by the campfire. | ||
| We'll be back with fucking meat. | ||
| You enjoy your cushy life with your cappuccino. | ||
| We'll come back with the fucking meat and cover it in mosquito bites. | ||
| But it's worth it. | ||
| We're going hard. | ||
| And dysentery. | ||
| We're going to Nevada. | ||
| And we're going into the mountains of Nevada. | ||
| We're going to archery hunt for mule deer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so we're going to backpack in there, and we'll be camping, and we're going to be glassing and hiking. | ||
| It'll be warm. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Six days warm. | |
| I don't care. | ||
| It's five days too long for me. | ||
| A couple things you've got to do. | ||
| We've got to figure out the bow thing. | ||
| That's a big one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the biggest one. | ||
| We've got to get you hooked up with a bunch of different kinds of equipment. | ||
| Because with archery, one of the things that's really important, because you're getting really close to them, you've got to know which way the wind's blowing. | ||
| It's like a little talcum powder bottle, and you squeeze it into the air, and it blows up, and then it goes which way the air goes. | ||
| You've got to start listening to this archery podcast, as a matter of fact. | ||
| It's too deep for you. | ||
| No, you guys should start your own podcast about archery. | ||
| If you get to, like, the 1% of 1% that give a fuck about archery, that's the kind of shit I'm into. | ||
| I'm into, like, leveling your second and third axis. | ||
| I'm into multi-pin sights on a dovetail housing. | ||
| I'm into, do you use a kisser button or no kisser button? | ||
| What grain arrows? | ||
| What's the spine? | ||
| Is that your number one passion right now, archery? | ||
| See, I shot 200 arrows the other day. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I got problems. | ||
| What is it about- Of course you do. | ||
| I'm insane. | ||
| I'm fucking- What is it about the tactile experience of archery that you love? | ||
| Like, what is it? | ||
| I told you, there's something wrong with me, man. | ||
| When I get into something, it's like that thing is like a fucking house could be on fire. | ||
| If I'm shooting bullseyes, I'm good. | ||
| I don't know what it is, man. | ||
| There's a switch that goes off, and then I'm no longer driving anymore. | ||
| But Joe, don't you think if you picked up golf, you'd be... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes! | |
| That's why I never played golf, because I'm scared. | ||
| Keep them away from golf, dude. | ||
| You'll freak out. | ||
| I don't think archery's your passion. | ||
| I think whatever you got into, you're That's true. | ||
| That's true, but it has to be cool and archery is fucking awesome. | ||
| Don't play golf, bro. | ||
| You will lose your life. | ||
| Look, I've lost my life with pool. | ||
| Dude, let me tell you something. | ||
| I have dreams someday. | ||
| Sometimes I sit around here and I'll do a bunch of podcasts and I'm like, ah, fucking, you know what I think I'm going to do? | ||
| I'm just going to quit everything and just go play pool on tour. | ||
| Okay, that's intense. | ||
| I understand that though. | ||
| I understand that. | ||
| I'll run a few racks Sounds like a bad idea. | ||
| I'll smoke a fat joint and play with me. | ||
| Fitzsimmons is coming over the other day. | ||
| Not tomorrow. | ||
| Wednesday? | ||
| Thursday. | ||
| Wednesday? | ||
| Tomorrow. | ||
| Tomorrow. | ||
| When Fitzsimmons come over, you know what I'm really happy about? | ||
| We're going to play pool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's what I'm excited about. | ||
| I'm going to see him. | ||
| We're going to play some pool. | ||
| For sure don't give everything up and start a pool. | ||
| I feel like doing it sometimes. | ||
| This sounds weird, but I watch videos. | ||
| I'm telling you, man. | ||
| I watch videos on boxing footwork and tennis strokes. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And I practice that tennis stroke alone in my room. | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| What's wrong with you? | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Dude, I have a release that I put. | ||
| I put my archer release. | ||
| I have a training tool where it's like a rope that I pull back and I hold it. | ||
| And I'm watching TV. I'm firing off shots. | ||
| So I'm clicking this and I'm watching TV. I'm by myself. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm just sitting there watching TV and I'll fire off shots. | ||
| But there's something zen about that. | ||
| There's something zen about it, right? | ||
| That's intense, man. | ||
| Once you kill an elk with a bow and arrow, dude, the world becomes a totally different place. | ||
| It becomes a totally different place because you realize how, first of all, how fucking... | ||
| Primal and crazy that is. | ||
| And then also getting your food that way. | ||
| You're like, okay, I'm out of the factory farming system. | ||
| If I could do this every year, I'm out for life. | ||
| Now I'm completely responsible for all the meat I get. | ||
| I shoot one animal. | ||
| I eat that animal for a year. | ||
| Damn. | ||
| One year? | ||
| Yeah, well, you know, you eat other stuff too, like I've shot a deer or two, and I give, you know what, I get almost as much satisfaction giving away to friends. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I love giving away. | ||
| That elk, I ate the shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's delicious. | |
| What happened to that elk sausage you made? | ||
| I got a gang of it. | ||
| It's at home. | ||
| You want some more? | ||
| There's probably some in there. | ||
| It's like dried, right? | ||
| We're cutting it up. | ||
| No, it's breakfast sausage. | ||
| No, summer sausage. | ||
| Summer sausage. | ||
| I'll eat some of that, too. | ||
| It's in the back. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll have some. | |
| I keep rolls of it in the refrigerator back there. | ||
| It's fucking delicious. | ||
| I think it's raw, though. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| It's cooked. | ||
| No, it's cooked. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Go ahead and bring that out, B. No, it's cooked. | ||
| It's summer sausage. | ||
| You can cook it. | ||
| You can slice it. | ||
| Put some eggs on it. | ||
| A little hot sauce. | ||
| My mouth is watering. | ||
| Well, I have a venison sausage that I had made, too. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That sounds tasty, too. | |
| I had some the other day with breakfast. | ||
| I feed my family with that, man. | ||
| You guys keep killing shit, and then I'll take some of the sausage. | ||
| Dude, look, I like giving away almost as much as I like eating it. | ||
| I really do. | ||
| It's dope, man. | ||
| It's awesome. | ||
| Like, Duncan sent me a picture. | ||
| Him, his girlfriend, and Timothy Leary's son were eating elk meatballs from an elk- Oh, nice. | ||
| Sounds good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, it's delicious. | |
| Dude, I'll tell you what I can't get enough of is those kombuchas. | ||
| I know, right? | ||
| I drink three a day now. | ||
| Is that a problem you think? | ||
| GTs? | ||
| No. | ||
| I love them. | ||
| People think we're doing an ad. | ||
| Every time I do something on Instagram, people go, everything. | ||
| No, man, I just fucking love kombuchas. | ||
| But not the bullshit clear can. | ||
| It has to be the black 21 and over. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I like to live on the wild side. | ||
| Well, explain that because people don't know what you mean. | ||
| Well, the clear can, they basically produce those so they could sell in grocery stores because they have no alcohol content in them. | ||
| Very little. | ||
| Very little. | ||
| So the black cans, they have more alcohol content, how they should be, how the tea is naturally fermented. | ||
| So you want the black can that says 21 and over. | ||
| It's not a black can, it's a bottle, and the difference is the label on the top, it's just the plastic rim around the bottle top when you open it is black. | ||
| But bro, even the bottles are different on the 21 and over. | ||
| Yeah, they're darker. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| It's something about the fermentation. | ||
| Do we have a knife for that? | ||
| I got a samurai sword over there from the 1500s. | ||
| Go ahead and slice that thing up with a samurai sword. | ||
| That is a real samurai sword from the 1500s. | ||
| Yes, it is. | ||
| That is a real samurai sword. | ||
| It's expensive. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Aubrey gave it to me. | ||
| Open that bitch up. | ||
| Yeah, it's not, but anyway. | ||
| I feel like this is dangerous. | ||
| See, that's what you... | ||
| Your baller friends, that's the kind of shit they give you. | ||
| But this isn't from the 1500s. | ||
| They fooled you to steal an expert on this. | ||
| Shut your fucking mouth. | ||
| Oh, yes it is. | ||
| It's like we're on Pawn Stars right now. | ||
| Shattering Rogan's dreams. | ||
| Yeah, it's an excellent replica. | ||
| Thank you so much. | ||
| No, that is 100% real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| The blade itself... | ||
| You tell me that shit was $49.99, Brian? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They refurbish the handle and make it all perfect, but that blade is from the 1500s. | ||
| Yeah, that's a lie. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| The thing looks pretty fucking real. | ||
| That's real as fuck, dude. | ||
| Hey, go up and cut that fucking sausage and stop jacking off the samurai sword. | ||
| I wonder if people have died by that sword. | ||
| Good chance, if it's that old. | ||
| I wonder. | ||
| You know, if you think about all the samurai swords in the 1500s, how many... | ||
| Japan was in a continuous civil war for about 300 years, so there's a good chance. | ||
| But what I'm thinking is, is it like pistols? | ||
| Like, most people who have pistols never killed anybody. | ||
| True. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Is that what it was back in the day with samurai swords? | ||
| Or were they just more liberal? | ||
| I think they did more gangster shit. | ||
| Yeah, probably. | ||
| Take a little bit of that elk, son. | ||
| Slice into that bitch. | ||
| Oh yeah, Brian. | ||
| The plastic is getting you. | ||
| Take a piece. | ||
| Hey, back to the kombucha, though. | ||
| People try telling me the benefits are fake on that. | ||
| And what's so? | ||
| Just saying it's not that good for you. | ||
| It's all... | ||
| It's probiotic. | ||
| Well, probiotic is fermented vegetables and fermented mushrooms and things along those lines, which is essentially what kombucha is. | ||
| It's like a fungus. | ||
| It's very good for you. | ||
| It's very good. | ||
| You want some of this, Joe? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Sure. | |
| Can you eat some of this? | ||
| Yeah, I can eat that. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| It's very good for you. | ||
| Probiotics are super important. | ||
| Gut health. | ||
| You know what's a great way of getting it? | ||
| I love kimchi, man. | ||
| I've been getting into kimchi. | ||
| I found down near the Calabasas. | ||
| You ever go to that Calabasas Farmer's Market? | ||
| Erwan. | ||
| Well, the Farmer's Market is amazing. | ||
| Well, I'll take you. | ||
| I'll take you. | ||
| Calabasas Farmer's Market has these local kombuchas and local kimchis. | ||
| So good. | ||
| From people that run farms nearby, and then they have their own spicy... | ||
| They taste pretty good? | ||
| Yeah, it's really good. | ||
| I love them, man. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| I don't drink soda. | ||
| I haven't drank soda in forever, but these replace that for me. | ||
| They're way healthier. | ||
| Well, kimchi is actually fermented cabbage. | ||
| It's like a spicy fermented cabbage. | ||
| But my point is that it's a really good source of probiotics. | ||
| I've been eating it every morning. | ||
| I don't know if it's because of that, but I feel amazing. | ||
| Kimchi's fantastic for you. | ||
| It's probably that, Brian. | ||
| It's really good for you. | ||
| Well, gut health changes everything, man. | ||
| If you listen to some of my podcasts I've done with Rhonda Patrick, she goes deep into gut health and how important it is for all sorts of aspects of your personality, the way you think about things. | ||
| It's amazing. | ||
| They did that with rats where they changed the gut health in the rat, like the bacteria. | ||
| And some rats... | ||
| With healthy bacteria in their gut, kept fighting, I guess, just to get out of the water. | ||
| And others, when they changed the bacteria in their gut, it actually changed the serotonin levels in their brain. | ||
| Because apparently serotonin is made in the gut as well. | ||
| And they just became listless and gave up. | ||
| And drowned? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It had a direct effect. | ||
| Bitch ass rats. | ||
| Yeah, that was some weak ass rats. | ||
| With stomach aches. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| If you're going to go swimming, make sure your gut's good. | ||
| See, and this all came from an animal that, I mean, I was there. | ||
| That you shot in the face. | ||
| In the body. | ||
| You ever shoot him in the face, though? | ||
| No, I don't shoot him in the face. | ||
| It's a good idea, though. | ||
| You don't do it because you really... | ||
| It's hard to be that accurate. | ||
| When you shoot a body, especially an elk, you have a giant target. | ||
| As much as you're practicing, let's start going for some headshots on this next one. | ||
| I think that's taboo, right? | ||
| No, guys do it all the time with pigs. | ||
| There's a show called Pigman. | ||
| It's kind of hilarious. | ||
| I watch that show and I go, God, if vegans ever fucking found... | ||
| Oops. | ||
| Boom. | ||
| I let it out. | ||
| There's a show called Pigman, okay? | ||
| And this motherfucker, he's called Pigman because he just kills pigs. | ||
| He's got a ranch attack. | ||
| I mean, he hunts all over the world. | ||
| You know, he just shot a moose with a bow and arrow. | ||
| Like those cute pink pigs? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Wild, invasive hogs. | ||
| Like those cute pink pigs. | ||
| I love those. | ||
| Like the ones from Babe. | ||
| The one that was on my Instagram the other day that was carrying off a fawn. | ||
| Did you know that hogs carry off fawns and kill them and eat them? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a warthog. | ||
| No, it wasn't. | ||
| Really? | ||
| No, it was a pig. | ||
| That was an American domestic hog. | ||
| That's pig man. | ||
| He's got a patch on his eye because he was in a fucking car accident. | ||
| He got all fucked up and now he's got to shoot his bow with his left eye. | ||
| Now he's taking the anger from losing his eye out on the pigs? | ||
| No, he's always been a pig murderer. | ||
| I mean, look, if you live in Texas, you've got to kill pigs. | ||
| Is it that hard to kill pigs? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You gotta find them, first of all. | ||
| I mean, they're massively invasive. | ||
| There's millions of them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I mean, fucking millions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Millions? | |
| You can't just take a machine gun and mow them? | ||
| In Texas alone, there are millions of wild hogs. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| It's so bad that Texas, they opened up a road, they had built a new road, and the night they opened it up, they got like 40 car accidents where people were slamming into pigs. | ||
|
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|
You know what? | |
| Tim Kennedy told me this. | ||
| He said, in Texas, pigs are real fucking... | ||
| He gets on a horseback and hunts them with spear. | ||
| How about the fact they hunt them with fucking helicopters? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You want to see something crazy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| Watch this. | ||
| Pull up, Pigman and Ted Nugent hunt pigs with a helicopter. | ||
| They have episodes they call a porkalypse now, and they fucking fly around. | ||
| Hey, is that hunting? | ||
| Is that really hunting, or is that massacre? | ||
| No, it's massacre. | ||
| Ted Nugent said it should be illegal not to do this. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Yeah, it's a massacre. | ||
| But that's what they have to do. | ||
| Like, look, there are things that you have to do if you want to... | ||
| Everybody has this idea that nature balances itself out. | ||
| But the problem with that idea is that 90% of everything that's ever existed ever is extinct. | ||
| 90%. | ||
| So all those fucking animals that weren't helped along, like... | ||
| You know, I mean, there's a real big problem with bears and deer and moose populations because bear and wolves especially too now, in the places where wolves have been reintroduced, because wolves give birth to a litter, right? | ||
| So if a wolf pup, you know, if a wolf mom has like six babies, a moose only has one baby. | ||
| So the moose... | ||
| Has one baby and then there's this fucking wolf running around with six pups. | ||
| Well, just do the math. | ||
| You know, they're gonna slowly but surely start taking out all of the game animals. | ||
| And that's what's happening in a lot of states. | ||
| Are they just killing wolves now? | ||
| Goddammit. | ||
| Well, they've reintroduced wolf hunting to a lot of states now. | ||
| And bears? | ||
| Oh, bears have always been hunted. | ||
| Well, you have to hunt things. | ||
| I like a nice Kodiak beer. | ||
| A lot of mountain lion. | ||
| You have to hunt things that don't have a predator. | ||
| Because if they don't have a predator, then nothing controls their population. | ||
| Like great white sharks or what? | ||
| Well, great white sharks. | ||
| Trying to hunt those next? | ||
| They clean shit up. | ||
| Dude, look at them hanging. | ||
| But that's just an ad. | ||
| There's actual episodes where you can see them do it. | ||
| Those boys are just mowing down these little pigs. | ||
| A porkalypse was a night on the Sportsman's channel. | ||
| A porkalypse now? | ||
| Yeah, they kill everything on a porkalypse now. | ||
| They just leave them or do they eat them? | ||
| My point being, this guy's dad, Pigman's dad, shoots pigs in the head all the time. | ||
| Not only does he shoot them in the head... | ||
| Execution style? | ||
| ...but way crazier. | ||
| What he does is he'll line corn up on the road like a row of corn like maybe like several yards long and then they get down there because it's a line they get down there to eat in a line and then he gets their heads lined up so when he gets their heads lined up he'll shoot through three of them with one bullet and he's always trying to kill like as many pigs as he can with one bullet to the head and it's That's crazy. | ||
| But it's fucked up, but they do have to kill these things. | ||
| So, look, if you can kill one by shooting it in the head, that is the best way to do it. | ||
| And some people are like, no, you shouldn't do it, man. | ||
| You shouldn't kill- Well, okay. | ||
| Well, then they're going to eat everything. | ||
| They're going to eat all the ground-nesting birds. | ||
| They're going to eat all of each other. | ||
| First of all, Jamie, Google how many pigs we slaughter a day in this country. | ||
| The number will blow your mind. | ||
| You're talking about those soft pink cute pigs. | ||
| You're talking about domestic pigs. | ||
|
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|
I'm just saying. | |
| You're talking about those soft pink pinkies. | ||
| I love those. | ||
| I like those pigs. | ||
| That's avoidable because you don't have to have farming, right? | ||
| You don't have to have factory farming. | ||
| You don't have to feed that many people you do. | ||
| My point is, we're talking about completely different issues. | ||
| My point is, if you let these wild hogs go nuts and just keep breeding, they're having three litters a year sometimes. | ||
| Yeah, that's really bad. | ||
| And each one of them is like six to eight fucking babies. | ||
| 500 hogs in 48 hours. | ||
|
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|
They can run fast. | |
| They run fast, by the way. | ||
| Oh, they're fast as shit. | ||
| And they know what's going on, man. | ||
| They're smart. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| They hear these pop, pop, pop, and they watch their friends explode. | ||
| They're not stupid. | ||
| Are pigs smarter than dogs? | ||
| They're very smart. | ||
| They're very smart. | ||
| It depends on who's dog. | ||
| They can run though! | ||
| I'm impressed with how fast they run. | ||
| It's a wild animal, Brian. | ||
| Not knowing that, it's terrified for its life. | ||
| But the question is, if you don't do this, okay, if you don't shoot them, What do you do? | ||
| Do you just let them... | ||
| Like, what is the vegan response? | ||
| What is the animal rights response? | ||
| Build a wall for them. | ||
|
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|
What do you do? | |
| You gotta kill them. | ||
|
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|
You can't. | |
| You gotta kill them. | ||
| But you can't have a wall. | ||
| That's a white one, you son of a bitch. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of these are domestic pigs that get loose. | ||
| I'm so impressed with how fast they run. | ||
| They bound. | ||
| Yeah, they're fast as fuck. | ||
| And by the way, this ain't easy to hit these fucking things. | ||
| Dude, I love how they're running zigzag. | ||
| Yeah, fuck yeah, they're smart. | ||
| Yeah, they're trying. | ||
| You gotta be a good shot, though. | ||
| Not if you got an automatic, right? | ||
| Well, you definitely have to be a good shot. | ||
| You still, I mean, guys miss on this show all the time. | ||
| I played a lot of Halo as a kid. | ||
| No, for real. | ||
| I feel like I'd be alright. | ||
| Call of Duty and shit. | ||
| Hey, dude, they have kids now who are 16 years old because they've been playing video games and there were three. | ||
| You give them a couple of adjustments, they're shooting as well as a SWAT guy. | ||
| Yeah, they get used to pulling triggers. | ||
| Those first-person shooters are real as a motherfucker. | ||
| It's all these fucks when they go into the theater shooting, they all fucking practice on that. | ||
| There are kids who are expert marksmen. | ||
| They get used to leading, too. | ||
| They get used to doing all kinds of different things. | ||
| That's nuts, man. | ||
| This one kid was 16, and he was hitting headshots. | ||
| Bang, bang, bang, bang. | ||
| At first, he was kind of missing a little, and they gave him a couple of adjustments because it was a real gun. | ||
| In an afternoon, he was shooting as well as the expert marksman. | ||
| The kid's playing a little too much video games. | ||
| He'd been playing since he was three. | ||
| That is so insane. | ||
| It's so insane if you think about what they can do now in comparison. | ||
| Think about what they used to be able to do 20 years ago, what they can do now, and then what they're going to be able to do 20 years from now. | ||
| Are you talking about video games? | ||
| I'm talking about controlling things. | ||
| Fighters? | ||
| I wonder if fighters are going to have an ability to fight virtual reality, kind of move in their head and seeing shots come. | ||
| Here's one thing for sure is going to happen. | ||
| We're gonna have some iRobot-type assassins. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| We're gonna release those on Afghanistan. | ||
| We're never gonna have another casualty. | ||
|
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|
That's right. | |
| And they're also gonna release them. | ||
| Well, that's the problem. | ||
| Suicide bombers? | ||
| Now it's a fucking iRobot that just walks into the Miami Dolphins stadium? | ||
| Oh, that's the worry. | ||
|
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|
That one's for free, CI. We're ahead technologically, but gee whiz. | |
| Well, for a little bit. | ||
| China begs the difference. | ||
| Yeah, how about Korea? | ||
| Well, I'm going to see that thing come from a mile away. | ||
| Look at that thing. | ||
| Atlas, the next generation. | ||
| This thing has a battery power on its back that it stole from a Tesla. | ||
| It's running around. | ||
| I'm gonna go ahead and run behind that thing and yank the cords out. | ||
| I'm not afraid of that. | ||
| It's gonna know you're running behind it because it has cameras everywhere. | ||
| Just like a Tesla. | ||
| Just like a Tesla? | ||
| That's how a Tesla drives. | ||
| This is insane, though. | ||
| This is weird to watch. | ||
| I know it is. | ||
| This thing walking around. | ||
| Don't you feel like you just run up and fucking Bruce Lee kick it and fall over? | ||
| Well, it can see you coming, I would assume. | ||
| It has cameras everywhere. | ||
| Why wouldn't you put cameras 360 degrees on one of these fucking things? | ||
| It's picking up a box. | ||
| Ooh, it bends over correctly. | ||
| Nice posture. | ||
| The guy slaps him, tries to knock him over. | ||
|
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|
Oh, damn. | |
| Damn. | ||
| That balance is legit. | ||
| Let me spinning back kick that day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let me fucking yank him from the back. | ||
| I'll just sans-shy trip him. | ||
| Just get him in a collar tie. | ||
|
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|
Right? | |
| Let me go and get that plumb. | ||
| This is the future. | ||
| This is the future. | ||
| Hopefully it's a little more aerodynamic. | ||
| Alright, this guy keeps fucking with the robot. | ||
| I hope he fucks this Steve Jobs kid. | ||
| He's moving it around. | ||
| Now it's gonna chase after the package. | ||
| Why doesn't he get mad at the guy with the stick? | ||
| I know. | ||
| Why didn't he slap the guy with the stick? | ||
| Because he's a kind robot. | ||
| That's what I'm looking for. | ||
| Well, have you guys paid attention to this Go thing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Well, for the first time, Google's AI has been able to beat the best Go players in the world. | ||
| What the fuck I'm talking about? | ||
| You roll up behind him and fucking push his sorry ass over. | ||
| Let's see it get back up. | ||
| Fuck you, robot. | ||
| Let's see how it gets better. | ||
| Yeah, but I'm yanking cords out once he gets down there. | ||
| It looks almost fake. | ||
| Like the way it's getting up. | ||
| Whoa, I don't like that. | ||
| It looks like Robocop in 1988. Scary. | ||
| And it doesn't even bother defending itself. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| This is just a prototype, right? | ||
| We're looking at something that's gonna one day be like a Brendan Shaw or a Brian Callen. | ||
| You're not even gonna be able to tell. | ||
| That's scary. | ||
| So anyway, the Google Artificial Intelligence, the AI, for the first time has been able to beat the best player in the world, a human being, at Go. | ||
| And Go, which is exponentially more difficult than chess, it's a super complicated game. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And not only are these AI systems, this Google AI system able to beat the best player in the world, but it's doing it in some really creative ways that are freaking people out. | ||
| Because they're trying to figure out how these fucking games, how these... | ||
| Artificial intelligence programs are learning these games so well. | ||
| They thought it was gonna be years before one could beat a player. | ||
| Like a real world-class, top-of-the-food-chain Go player. | ||
| God, I feel like a dumbass for not knowing this game. | ||
| I feel like that's not knowing Lee Sedol. | ||
| You could make up the rules, and I'd be like, okay. | ||
| I was playing Sorry with my kids the other day, and they were totally making up rules. | ||
| I could tell. | ||
| I was like, what? | ||
| That doesn't make any sense. | ||
| Daddy, definitely. | ||
| I go to reach for the fucking instructions. | ||
| She grabs my hand. | ||
| Oh, Daddy, let's not look at that. | ||
| Oh, I see what's up. | ||
| You're getting creative. | ||
| Getting creative. | ||
| Man, our kids are going to grow up with... | ||
| I saw the new Tesla SUV, because Will Smith's son had it at Air One. | ||
| He's got that... | ||
| Name dropper. | ||
| Look at you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I'll tell you what. | ||
| Okay, we get it. | ||
| You're in Calabasas. | ||
| Sorry, guys. | ||
| He's got to spend that karate kid money somewhere. | ||
| That's right. | ||
|
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|
Word. | |
| Goddamn right. | ||
| Is he going to start a cult someday, yes or no? | ||
| Will Smith? | ||
| Either one. | ||
| Him, his son, anyone like that? | ||
| Doesn't he want to disappear and he also doesn't see a difference in women in men's clothing, is what I read. | ||
| Well, there's no gender. | ||
| It's not real. | ||
| Doesn't he know that? | ||
| Who says this? | ||
| There's no more he and she. | ||
| Will Smith. | ||
| Well, all bathrooms should just be shitting. | ||
| Kids will look her. | ||
| Kids will look her. | ||
| I'll tell you that much. | ||
| Oh, you want equal rights? | ||
| Go ahead and share the bathroom. | ||
| Yeah, share the bathroom with Roy Nelson. | ||
| He's a good-looking kid, though. | ||
| I don't see man clothes and woman clothes. | ||
| Well, you need to get classes, because they're very different. | ||
| Girls wear skirts, boys wear fucking combat boots and shit. | ||
| Go and put some high heels on and walk around all day. | ||
| Listen, if I was in this fucking kid's position, I'd be saying way more stupid shit than him. | ||
| I'd be way weirder and doing way more crazy shit. | ||
| Yeah, anybody in that life, like growing up with your parents being... | ||
| You're a prince. | ||
| You grew up like a little prince. | ||
| It's not just a prince, but even weirder, because your dad is a professional make-believer. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| Your dad is just a guy who's really good at pretending, and he's world-renowned. | ||
| Everywhere you go, you're flying on private jets. | ||
| His mom, too. | ||
| She's famous as fuck. | ||
| Did you see Chris Rock's bit about that? | ||
| Oh, it's classic. | ||
| What did he say? | ||
| He's like, Jada Pinkett protesting at the Oscars is like protesting outside of Beyonce's pussy. | ||
| I'm not invited. | ||
| I was not invited. | ||
| It's a great joke. | ||
| It's perfect. | ||
| Who was the other black actor who tweeted- Thanks for almost fucking it up though. | ||
| I like how you chimed in in the middle of me. | ||
| Sorry, sorry. | ||
| I was trying to remember. | ||
| Really good for the timing. | ||
| Who was the other black actor who tweeted, hey Rihanna, act better. | ||
| I mean, hey Jada, act better. | ||
| I was like, oh jeez, man. | ||
| Oh, did they really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's good. | ||
| You want to get favor with the Academy. | ||
| That's the way to go. | ||
| What did you think about that whole Oscar's so white? | ||
| Well, you want my answer? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Please. | ||
| More wrestling or gay stuff? | ||
| Whenever something bothers me, I'm usually kind of right about it in a way where I go, hmm, I know the message is important and I obviously am not prejudiced and I want everybody to be equal. | ||
| I think I resent when people cram it down my throat and try to shame me or scold me, which I felt like the Oscars were doing a little bit. | ||
| They did a good job, I think, of kind of taking... | ||
| The piss out of it, you know, making it, come on, we're off, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| And Chris Rock did a good job with what he had. | ||
| But I always feel like when Joe Biden talked about consent, and when Lady Gaga got up and sang that song about victims of sexual abuse, like... | ||
| I get it. | ||
| I'm with you. | ||
| I'm not pro-rape. | ||
| Who is not going to rape someone because of a Lady Gaga song? | ||
|
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|
Exactly. | |
| You are really not committed to rape. | ||
| Matter of fact, it made me more angry. | ||
|
unidentified
|
God damn it, I don't even want to rape, but I feel like it. | |
| You feel like you're being... | ||
| Manipulated. | ||
| Yeah, and demonized. | ||
| Not only that, it's a manipulation where I already agree with you. | ||
| Yeah, we're all on board. | ||
| Racism is bad. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| Are you telling me something? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Sexual assault, it's bad. | ||
| Duh. | ||
| Thank God Lady Gaga told me that because I was about to go rape a bitch. | ||
|
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|
Thank God you sung that song. | |
| Thanks for making a stand, you know what? | ||
| But it's not real. | ||
| It's social virtuing. | ||
| It's virtue signaling. | ||
| That's what Michael Shermer calls it. | ||
| Let me devil's advocate for a second. | ||
| Can you do that? | ||
| I can advocate devil's advocate. | ||
| Advocate for the devil? | ||
| I do understand the idea that if you are Sam Smith and you say, hey, this is for all the LBT people out there, or if you are Lady Gaga. | ||
| LGBT? LGBT. You forgot the gay people. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| It's all I see, guys. | ||
|
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|
It's all I see. | |
| Do you not see gay? | ||
| No, I have to exclude them. | ||
| Do you see women's clothing and men's clothing? | ||
| I don't, dude. | ||
| I'm just so colorblind. | ||
| I don't even know if you guys are girls or boys. | ||
| Do you have a front hole or a cock? | ||
| Let me check. | ||
| There it is. | ||
| But what was I saying? | ||
| Something really profound? | ||
| But this is my thing, Joe. | ||
| While you're thinking, I was just going to keep going. | ||
|
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|
While you're thinking. | |
| Well, I think you were saying that I don't know what you're saying. | ||
| Someone says something. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| So I do think that there is a place to say, hey, if you are a victim out there, if you're a transgender kid and you're thinking about killing yourself, there is value to seeing really cool people, actors that you look up to saying, hey, dude, it's okay. | ||
| You're not a freak or it's okay to be who you are because that's the truth of who you are and feel empowered. | ||
| I get that. | ||
| I can't wait until it's no longer an issue. | ||
| So then we can start figuring out which one of these transgender people are just dummies that happen to be transgender. | ||
| Which one of these gay people are just dummies that happen to be gay? | ||
| Like there's a lot of that where people get free rides just because they're from a marginalized group. | ||
| It's not just that. | ||
| And they're annoying. | ||
| But they're a part of this whole thing. | ||
| A lot of the duh, a lot of the real duh is just coming from dummies that support a great cause. | ||
| And they have a voice. | ||
| And that's a big problem with the whole social justice warrior movement is that a lot of it is just really fucked up socially retarded people. | ||
| I'll add something to it. | ||
| Those people have found an area in which, if you support this area, you can be the biggest cunt in the world supporting that area. | ||
| You could be fucking horrendous to people, rude to people, try to destroy people's lives, as long as you're doing within the confines and the parameters of that cause. | ||
| And I don't buy it, because I think those are just terrible people. | ||
| I think there's terrible people that found a good cause and they're jumping on it. | ||
| But to be specific, I don't even think it's about... | ||
| Now they have a voice. | ||
| You can call them terrible people. | ||
| I think people like that are way less interested in the actual cause. | ||
| They're way more interested in power. | ||
|
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|
Yeah, 100%. | |
| And you see that. | ||
| You see people who, whether they're in Greenpeace or whatever, they just are not satisfied with winning a victory. | ||
| They are more interested in demonizing and controlling another group of people. | ||
| I also think, going back to the Oscars... | ||
| Yes, there's no black people, you know, nominated. | ||
| Could it just be that all the white people had great movies that year? | ||
| Maybe they never got the major roles, which is an issue, but it just so happens this year, all the great movies, all the great actors happen to be white, so you just chalk it up as that. | ||
| I don't think Hollywood's racist. | ||
| It's a clever move, though, because Hollywood, they're such pussies that once you do have protests like this and say, Oscar's so white, they're going to fucking panic now. | ||
| It's going to be all black next year. | ||
| Also, the type of movies that are going to get made, they're going to try to make movies for... | ||
| Tyler Perry's like, yeah. | ||
| Yes! | ||
| No, no, that's not going to work. | ||
| But they're going to try to make really diversity-oriented movies. | ||
|
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|
Already are. | |
| They already are. | ||
| Of course, yeah. | ||
| But it's all artificial. | ||
| So this is like an adolescent stage. | ||
| So we'll get through the stage. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The phase, yes. | |
| And then it'll just be quality. | ||
| There's no denying Denzel Washington is one of the greatest actors of all time. | ||
| You don't give a fuck if he's black or if he's white. | ||
| He's fucking spectacular. | ||
| Like Robert Downey Jr. When he went blackface, still great. | ||
| You shouldn't even talk about it. | ||
| You couldn't do that today. | ||
| Damn, Brendan, you're creating controversy. | ||
| Tropic Thunder, if you tried to do that today, you couldn't do that. | ||
| You couldn't do it. | ||
| You couldn't do it. | ||
| I'm just saying he was a great mess. | ||
| That's right, I forgot he did that, and he was really good. | ||
| He was amazing in it. | ||
| That's all I'm saying. | ||
| You can't do that today. | ||
| You never go full retard. | ||
| Some of the greatest lines in any movie ever. | ||
| It was brilliant. | ||
| That's a funny fucking movie, man. | ||
| It's a great movie. | ||
| Eddie Bravo and I were just rambling about it. | ||
| We were talking about it on The Companion. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, that's right. | ||
| You're so good. | ||
| I've talked about that movie like 10 times over the last year. | ||
| Me too. | ||
| It's a spectacular movie that you couldn't make today. | ||
| All I'm saying is it doesn't matter if Robert Jr. plays black guy, white guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's... | |
| Brilliant, man. | ||
| Can you still play a Chinese guy? | ||
| Could you still do, like, remember when they used to, what was the Charlie Chan? | ||
| Charlie Chan was a white guy that they pretended was Chinese. | ||
| No, I don't think you could, and I'll tell you something else. | ||
| He dressed up like a Native American, and we Instagrammed a picture for this sketch that we're doing. | ||
| Oh, these social justice warriors. | ||
| You got some shit from that, and I answered some of them. | ||
| I was like, listen, man. | ||
| It's ethnic misappropriation. | ||
| They're like, I hope you know how ridiculous you look. | ||
| Like, bitch, you got a Tesla. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| You're not a real Indian. | ||
| What are you talking about? | ||
| Yeah, I saw one of the Kardashians had a photo of her in some Native American outfit, like a Pocahontas type outfit for Halloween. | ||
| Probably looks hot. | ||
| Probably hot as fuck, but just fucking... | ||
| All the blah, all the hate. | ||
| Well, people want... | ||
| Who are you standing up for? | ||
| Who are you standing up for, too? | ||
| People want... | ||
| Who are we standing up for? | ||
| Native Americans do not understand what cultural misappropriation is. | ||
| You don't because you have white privilege. | ||
| First of all, you should just shut the fuck up and listen. | ||
| This is a big thing that they like to do. | ||
| If someone of color is speaking, shut the fuck up and listen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I am noble and I am progressive. | ||
| And I want you to shut the fuck up and listen. | ||
| It's a big thing. | ||
| If a woman is talking about women's issues, how about we shut the fuck up, guys? | ||
| How about you guys, you men, just shut the fuck up? | ||
|
unidentified
|
But the thing is, when I posted the Indian video, you don't even know the context. | |
| So for you to jump on there and be like, this is offensive. | ||
| Bitch, you're white. | ||
| It was also traditional garb. | ||
| It actually was very historically accurate. | ||
| I don't give a fuck if it's fake as fuck. | ||
| It's a character! | ||
| Do you ever watch the YouTube videos from The Amazing Atheist? | ||
| No. | ||
| Amazing Atheist is great. | ||
| He's been on the podcast before, too. | ||
| He's fucking great. | ||
| His videos are amazing. | ||
| He had one the other day about how feminists hate when you use the phrase, not all men. | ||
| Because they want you to somehow or another be guilty for the actions of all men. | ||
| So if guys say, whoa, whoa, not all men rape. | ||
| Like, I don't rape. | ||
| Stop saying all men. | ||
| Stop categorizing all men. | ||
| Which is fair. | ||
| Which is totally fair. | ||
| But he does this whole thing on this article. | ||
| It's some woman who's a crazy feminist. | ||
| By the way, I went to her page. | ||
| I'm blocked. | ||
| I love when I don't even know anybody. | ||
| I'm blocked on their Twitter page. | ||
| She knew your ass was going to try to kill it after. | ||
| One of my favorite things. | ||
| No, you use these block programs that anybody who might have any remotely controversial view, they don't have to say. | ||
| Oh, really? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| She's insular. | ||
| You're probably blocked, too. | ||
| Insulating herself. | ||
| But his fucking video on it is sensational. | ||
| He does such a good job of covering all the points. | ||
| He's self-deprecating. | ||
| He's funny. | ||
| Yeah, he's got really good fucking points. | ||
| And he's got a bunch... | ||
| I've been on a binge watch of some of his videos lately. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's excellent. | |
| I'll definitely watch them. | ||
| Excellent. | ||
| But this one just skewers the feminist ideology that you're supposed to just feel guilty for the actions of men that have done horrible things when you haven't done a goddamn thing. | ||
| But it's like... | ||
| What it is is... | ||
| They have this ability to demonize and they don't want to lose it. | ||
| You know, they can call up... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's power. | |
| It's power. | ||
| And they use fake statistics like one in four women has been raped. | ||
| That's a lie. | ||
| Christine Summers on your podcast exposed that. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That gender study guy from Arizona, I think, or a woman from Arizona was the one who said that and she didn't have any... | ||
| It was a shoddy experiment. | ||
| It was bullshit. | ||
| Well, it's also... | ||
| They redefined what sexual assault and rape is to include regret. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Which is outrageous. | ||
| And also alcohol. | ||
| If you've had sex while inebriated... | ||
| So if you had sex... | ||
| They've kind of abandoned that. | ||
| They've kind of abandoned that, by the way. | ||
| But feminists were riding that hard to the point where some feminists wrote a blog about it. | ||
| Like, if you've had sex while drunk, you've raped somebody. | ||
| I remember. | ||
| What? | ||
| They were saying women don't have sex with your man if your man's drunk because he can't consent. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck you! | |
| Can I just sign a paper where you can suck my dick when I'm drunk? | ||
| Is there anyone I can just text you approval? | ||
| You can't consent right now! | ||
| Trust me! | ||
| We're gonna be okay! | ||
| Trust me! | ||
| I am ready to go! | ||
| I will sign whatever you want! | ||
| I would like to find the guy that has ever sued or taken a woman to court or tried to call the cops because he was drunk and a girl fucked him! | ||
| I want to find that guy! | ||
| How dare you? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How dare you? | |
| Can't be my friend! | ||
| There was a story a guy wrote an article I remember about ten years ago. | ||
| In the New York Times, he was talking about being a battered male. | ||
| And his girl beat him up. | ||
| It does happen, though. | ||
| Of course it does. | ||
| He went to the cops three times, and the cops were like this. | ||
| They were like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Man up! | |
| They would all snicker. | ||
| Is this in New York? | ||
| Yeah, it's in New York City. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, go to a New York cop and tell me you're getting bullied by chicks. | |
| What's funny is that was one of the subjects of the Amazing Atheist. | ||
| His name's TJ. One of the things that he brought up was that he used to work with this woman who used to sexually assault him. | ||
| TJ's like a big, sort of like, outside of doing his YouTube videos, he's, you know, kind of an introverted guy a little bit. | ||
| And he worked at this place, and this woman, who was an older woman, and she was his boss, she was always grabbing his ass and fucking with him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's funny when it happens to a guy. | |
| It happens to a girl, it's terrible. | ||
| For a guy, to me, it's hilarious. | ||
| You watch him, she's up, bro. | ||
| Hey, sugar tits, why don't you get over here? | ||
| To me, that's hilarious. | ||
| There's nothing she could do to him that I would press charges on. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I'm confused. | ||
| I would laugh it off. | ||
| Deal with it, bro. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Deal with it. | |
| I'm confused. | ||
| I'm confused. | ||
| There's so much confusion with so many of these subjects. | ||
| When I was 14, if an older woman took advantage of me... | ||
| I would have been A-okay. | ||
| Yeah, but if she was your boss and she was gross, and I think he was like 20, I think he was a young guy. | ||
| Yeah, suck it up. | ||
| Yeah, but you're a different guy too. | ||
| Like if you're like an emotionally less introverted, a little less stable. | ||
| It's just different for women, man. | ||
| The guy's stronger. | ||
| The guy gets inside your body. | ||
| It's a thousand times different. | ||
| No doubt about it. | ||
| She's not going to hold him down. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But it's like saying murder is really bad, so don't go... | ||
| I mean, if someone punches someone, it's no big deal. | ||
| But it is. | ||
| Getting knocked out is not as bad as getting stabbed and murdered, but it's still not good for you. | ||
| So his position of being sexually assaulted by that woman is not as bad. | ||
| I don't know why that's funny to me. | ||
| It was reversed? | ||
| I know it's fucked up, and I have a weird mind, but it's... | ||
| It's hilarious to me of him at night dreading going into work and he walks in, hey, fucking sugar dick, you know, just harass him nonstop. | ||
| What's even more funny is you being callous about this with a mouth full of elk and just chewing it down, mocking this guy. | ||
| How dare you, bro? | ||
| I think it's fucking funny. | ||
| Come on, pussy. | ||
| It is weird. | ||
| And the other thing that's weird is I don't have any sympathy for these fucking 16-year-old kids where their teacher blows them. | ||
| You know, when they get in gang bangs with a hot blonde t-shirt? | ||
| What fucking school was this? | ||
| Thanks, Aurora Hills! | ||
| Where was my dick, son? | ||
| The real problem was the one pussy that falls in love with her. | ||
| That's the real problem. | ||
| I know, that's what happens. | ||
| He fucks it up for everyone. | ||
| He ruins the gangbang. | ||
| Because he starts telling everyone. | ||
| Baby, you're fucking out of my group. | ||
| He's like, if I can't have you, no one can have you. | ||
| Shut it down. | ||
| I like the courts, too. | ||
| It's just this hot-ass teacher. | ||
| Like, this poor kid, you've terrorized him. | ||
| Meanwhile, the kid's like, huh? | ||
| One of the teachers was pretty, right? | ||
| One of the teachers was pretty, right? | ||
| There's a whole list of them. | ||
| There's a website dedicated to hot teachers that have fucked their kids. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| My teachers were warlocks, son. | ||
| I had nothing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's nothing. | ||
| I can't remember a single hot teacher that I had all through my years. | ||
| Out of kindergarten, first grade, Miss Famuaro. | ||
| Smoke show. | ||
| There was a dude that was a handsome guy that was a Spanish teacher, and I think he was like, oh my god. | ||
| What? | ||
| Whoa, she's hot as fuck. | ||
| Free that woman right now. | ||
| I will pay her bail right now. | ||
| How much time is she doing? | ||
| What does it say? | ||
| Where's she going to jail? | ||
| 17! | ||
| Can we get rid of... | ||
| He was 17? | ||
| Between 14 and 17 years. | ||
| Oh, whatever. | ||
| Went free on bail but was tried for oil. | ||
| She was 23. She was blowing a new guy? | ||
| She went free on bail. | ||
| She got free on bail and was blowing more people? | ||
| She's a freak! | ||
| Look, there's some girls... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh! | |
| Well, a little thick. | ||
| Not really. | ||
| Speak for yourself. | ||
| Dude, look at these fucking... | ||
| What fucking school is this? | ||
| Dirty bitch school. | ||
| They're gorgeous. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Not in Denver, Colorado. | |
| Yeah, there's a lot of hot ones, man. | ||
| A lot of hot ones. | ||
| Free them! | ||
| Free them! | ||
| You know, also, a lot of these guys, they're like really good at seducing older women. | ||
| And they're good-looking dudes, probably. | ||
| Young, handsome fella. | ||
| She's 25-year-old, had sex with an 18-year-old. | ||
| I don't see a problem with it. | ||
| Me neither. | ||
| If he's 18? | ||
| Was he 18? | ||
| Yeah, he's 18. Having sex with an 18-year-old male student. | ||
| How is that even illegal? | ||
| She's a Spanish teacher. | ||
| The age of consent in Texas is 18. The age of consent, it says 18, but a law forbidding teachers from having sexual relationships with students regardless of their age. | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| Quit your job, bitch. | ||
| Suck this dick. | ||
| Grand jury refused to find her guilty. | ||
| Grand jury refused to find her guilty, though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's all good. | |
| Yeah, for sure stop teaching Spanish and just go suck his dick. | ||
| She's only seven years older than him. | ||
| He's probably giving that good 18-year-old dick. | ||
| Just cardio for days. | ||
| Hard as a diamond. | ||
| Can't even believe he's fucking trying his Spanish. | ||
| Do you imagine, do you remember things that you would do when you were like a young teenager where you couldn't even believe you were doing them while you were doing them? | ||
| Is this real life? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like the first time I had an actual sexual relationship with a girlfriend, I remember like we would be having sex and be like, is this what I, is this real life? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Me too. | |
| We really get to have sex? | ||
| Yeah, you'd be like, holy fuck, is that my dick in her mouth? | ||
| It's in her mouth! | ||
|
unidentified
|
My dick is in her mouth! | |
| I've thought about this for 18 years! | ||
| I'm coming in her mouth right now! | ||
| When I was 16, I had sex with an older girl, and I was like, this is unbelievable. | ||
| And I would come and stay hard. | ||
| Yeah, it's crazy that you get used to it. | ||
| You get used to it. | ||
| It's like, yeah, we're going to have sex. | ||
| Just like anything. | ||
| It becomes normal. | ||
| It becomes normal. | ||
| You know, there's only one time in my entire life where my ears rang when I came. | ||
| And that was when I was in high school. | ||
| My girlfriend at the time blew me on a porch. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| We're on a porch. | ||
| She blew me up. | ||
| That's aggressive. | ||
| And I changed the shape of her head when I came in from her mouth. | ||
| Her head became like one of those Peruvian children that they find. | ||
| They've had their fucking head clamped in one of those skull-shaping machines. | ||
|
unidentified
|
She looked like Doug. | |
| I can't believe how hard I came. | ||
| And my ears went... | ||
| The ultimate orgasm? | ||
| And I remember thinking, whoa, is this going to happen every time? | ||
| Is she okay? | ||
| Were you like, are you okay? | ||
| To this day, I'm 48 years old. | ||
| This happened probably when I was 16. To this day, I think, man, if I just don't jerk off for a couple weeks, maybe I can get back there again. | ||
| You're trying to get back to that super soaker cum? | ||
| I don't have the willpower. | ||
| You want to be young forever. | ||
| I can quit gluten. | ||
| I can get on that primal diet. | ||
| No keto. | ||
| I'm not going to stop shooting loads. | ||
| No way. | ||
| I guess I'm just not. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know what the problem is? | ||
| It becomes too confusing. | ||
| It's like the same way I feel about exercise. | ||
| Like if someone said, I'll give you 10 million bucks if you don't exercise for a year. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I'd go, you can fucking keep your 10 million bucks. | ||
| I'm not going to have a year of suffering just for some money that I'm going to spend. | ||
| I'd be miserable, yeah. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| And I feel the same way about jerking off. | ||
| I think in a lot of ways, jerking off is like a type of exercise because it exercises your reproductive system so it's not constantly ramped up. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You know, I've always felt like there's a lot of confusion that comes with being horny. | ||
| There's these guys on the couch right on the sweats. | ||
| Yeah, Rogan! | ||
| Fucking tell them, man! | ||
| It's exercise! | ||
| Do it, brother! | ||
| Fucking yeah, man! | ||
| We're all in this together! | ||
| It's exercise! | ||
| It's so good for you! | ||
| I fucking told you, mom! | ||
| You gotta come. | ||
| You gotta get it out of your body because if you don't, it pulls up and then your body starts getting desperate. | ||
| And lowers your testosterone. | ||
| Not only that, your mind starts getting desperate. | ||
| I remember I went on a dry spell when I was just out of high school. | ||
| I was a fucking complete total loser from 17 to like 18. That's a long time. | ||
| Dude, I was a fucking loser. | ||
| I didn't have nothing going on. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Couldn't get laid. | |
| No money, couldn't get laid. | ||
| No, I had no money at all. | ||
| No girl didn't give a fuck about Taekwondo. | ||
| You were just wheel kicking and jacking off. | ||
| That's all I was doing, and I was so sad. | ||
| I couldn't get laid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Damn. | |
| I could not get laid. | ||
| It took forever. | ||
| And when I did get laid, I finally did get laid after six months. | ||
| I didn't even stick it in. | ||
| I like barely got in. | ||
| I was like, whoa! | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And I just was like, God, what a fucking loser I am. | ||
| But I remember the desperate feeling, like the desperate nature of it. | ||
| And then I started regularly beating off. | ||
| Like that's when I started regularly beating off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Because I was just like, I had a girlfriend when I was like 16. I swear to God, I got laid before I beat off. | ||
| And people think that's a lie. | ||
| It is not a lie. | ||
| That is weird, though. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I started beating off when I was five, and I'm not kidding. | ||
| I wish I knew about it. | ||
| Nobody talked to me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| I wish I figured out, like, oh, you get some Vaseline, and you fuck, woo, this is great. | ||
| Vaseline? | ||
| Not me. | ||
| As a kid, I used to rub it into the bed. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vaseline? | |
| That's all I had at the time. | ||
| You want that waterproof dick. | ||
| I like it looks freshly waxed. | ||
| Yeah, it's just... | ||
| Clean, fucking... | ||
| Dude, I remember being at maybe 5th or 6th grade and just having a boner in my sweats. | ||
| Just being like, how do I get rid of this thing? | ||
| I had no idea. | ||
| I was hiking and happening to me today. | ||
| You're just pulsating. | ||
| Just fucking jerk me. | ||
| Jerk me. | ||
| It's happening to me now when I'm hiking and I'm thinking about something dirty and all of a sudden I'm like, if somebody walks by me right now, I'm going to be a lone guy on a trail with a heart on me. | ||
| They say guys think of sex every three seconds. | ||
| Some girls do too. | ||
| There's a lot of freak girls out there. | ||
| Me too, bitch. | ||
| But um my point being that like one of my problems was I wasn't jerking off so I was desperate. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| I was desperate. | ||
| You're probably uber aggressive too. | ||
| I smelled of desperation. | ||
| I'm sure I was pathetic. | ||
| The girls could smell it. | ||
| Nah man, I was a loser. | ||
| I was a loser. | ||
| I was living with my parents. | ||
| I didn't have a future. | ||
| Just throwing wheel kicks. | ||
| I had nothing going on. | ||
| I'd won the state championships like one year. | ||
| I might not have even won it then because I first won it when I was 18. So I had no real accomplishments. | ||
| I remember those days, you're lost. | ||
| So who was the girl who was like, yeah, I'll suck your dick, Joe. | ||
| Well, she's had sex with me. | ||
| I don't think she blew me. | ||
| She jerked me off a couple times before we actually had sex sex. | ||
| And where'd you meet her? | ||
| Local girl. | ||
| She was from the town. | ||
| Yeah, her name was Donna. | ||
| Nice girl. | ||
| Because now kids can go on Instagram, Facebook, right? | ||
| So much easier. | ||
| It's so much easier to get chicks now. | ||
| It's also way more dangerous. | ||
| It's way more dangerous. | ||
| But back in the day, especially when you were a kid, it was just, you know, you met the girl and it's whatever. | ||
| If a girl had herpes, boy, they put a red flag on her. | ||
| They made her walk around with a flag. | ||
| Like, people knew. | ||
| People knew when people had things. | ||
| Tinder now, Tinder. | ||
| It's like, I see these guys on Bumble and Twitter. | ||
| If a hot girl can go, I like that guy, DM. God damn, son! | ||
| Yeah, if you want to get laid today and you're a guy, all you have to do is have a phone. | ||
| And you have to be, like, not totally disgusting. | ||
| Or have really low standards. | ||
| Or be 49 with two kids and a wife. | ||
| What? | ||
| That can make it tough. | ||
| That's a little bit of a roadblock. | ||
| You gotta learn about Russians. | ||
| Yeah, but then you worry too. | ||
| No, you go to Russia. | ||
| You just go on vacation and you come back. | ||
| Or Costa Rica. | ||
| Or Thailand. | ||
| Go to Costa Rica. | ||
| Try not getting your dick sucked. | ||
| Even when you don't want to. | ||
| Try not to? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| Good luck. | ||
| They just do it? | ||
| It's what they do. | ||
| It's what they do. | ||
| It's cultural. | ||
| You can't be rude. | ||
| You are misappropriating blowjob culture from other countries. | ||
| You're an asshole, third world, whatever. | ||
| Were they drunk? | ||
| Indigenous people. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Got to say all the key buzzwords. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know what you're talking about, but I believe you. | ||
| One day. | ||
| One day. | ||
| One day we'll all be single and free. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Old as fucking girls. | ||
| We should not get a timeshare, dude. | ||
| The three of us. | ||
| The three of us. | ||
| Hey, the house of wrinkles, girls. | ||
| Come on over. | ||
| Well, there's going to be some massive breakthroughs. | ||
| You think so? | ||
| I know so. | ||
| I know there's a massive breakthrough. | ||
| The same guy who came up with Regenikine is working on right now. | ||
| That's going to regenerate collagen in your body. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| In a crazy way where it's going to eliminate wrinkles. | ||
| Come on. | ||
| So we'll never age? | ||
| Well, you're going to age. | ||
| You're going to fucking die. | ||
| You're just going to look good when you're dead. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| Yeah, but if you can keep your muscle structure and then they shoot that fucking shit in your body that regenerates collagen. | ||
| How long are we thinking? | ||
| Well, you don't know because there's all sorts of different things they're constantly working on. | ||
| So what we're talking about is what they have in 2016. What they have in 2016 will be unrecognizable in 2026 because it'll be on such a higher level. | ||
| It's all exponential because every single invention and every single technological breakthrough and every single medical breakthrough, they all converge together and they all build on each other. | ||
| New technological breakthroughs make new medical breakthroughs possible. | ||
| New understanding of the body makes new designs and new things. | ||
| And then there's going to be all sorts of different, like they just came up with some fucking lens that they're installing in people that is allowing people that weren't able to see before. | ||
| Now they can see and have some new stem cell operations. | ||
| They've done on people. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| They're doing, what they're doing now is like just the tip of the iceberg. | ||
| If we could just stay alive, if humans, I mean as a race, can stay alive for the next thousand years, what are we going to be like? | ||
| We'll outdate this machinery. | ||
| This biological machinery that we live in now. | ||
| Well you guys better hope the next 50 years they come up with some shit. | ||
| Or not, man. | ||
| You guys got about 50 years. | ||
| In the next 50 years. | ||
| I don't know if you really want to be on a planet where everyone can breed and no one dies. | ||
| Well not only that, follow this. | ||
| What if you can download all the information in your brain? | ||
| You have to start killing people like pigs. | ||
| So what does it say about accomplishment? | ||
| If you could download like how to be everything you wanted to be. | ||
| If you could take a program. | ||
| Did you see that recently? | ||
| No. | ||
| You haven't seen that? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Pull that up, Jamie. | ||
| What? | ||
| Scientists have figured out a way. | ||
| They are very confident that they're going to be able to download skills into your brain. | ||
| That fucks us. | ||
| Like the fucking Matrix. | ||
| Ah, that fucks us. | ||
| They're going to be able to download information and skills into your brain. | ||
| They're no one special anymore. | ||
| Well, not only is no one special, no one's going to look any different. | ||
| Everyone's going to look like fucking John Cena. | ||
| Oh, I don't want to be around for that. | ||
| I don't want to be around for that. | ||
| What is that end like? | ||
|
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|
What is that? | |
| Thighs for wrists? | ||
| But I have to believe that there's a reason we're being nudged in that direction. | ||
| Scientists discover how to upload knowledge to your brain. | ||
| Look at this poor girl as the guinea pig. | ||
| Strap in, folks. | ||
| Strap in. | ||
| I mean, we're just at the beginning of this thing. | ||
| This is nuts, man. | ||
| Everything that's in the Matrix is all gonna be true. | ||
| Artificial reality, whether or not it's gonna take over the world like the Matrix, we're all gonna be locked into some fucking machine that feeds off your spine. | ||
| That's probably not gonna happen, but what is definitely gonna happen is virtual reality is gonna be indistinguishable from regular reality. | ||
| I always leave scared when we do these podcasts. | ||
| It's not scary, but it's fascinating. | ||
| It's fascinating. | ||
| But here's the thing. | ||
| Here's why he shouldn't be scared. | ||
| Because anybody who's ever lived ever, at any time, you can go back to Rome and grab Julius Caesar and take him to 2016. He would be like... | ||
|
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|
You gotta be fucking shitting me. | |
| Any guy who lived the best life in the world hundreds of years ago or a thousand years ago would be nothing in comparison today. | ||
| If you had to go back, okay? | ||
| If you had to go back and you had to live in Leonardo da Vinci's town... | ||
| You'd want to fucking climb up on top of a windmill and jump the fuck off. | ||
| You'd be like, what? | ||
| I'm going to eat this shitty bread and we're all going to die of polio? | ||
| Get ready for the smallpox epidemic. | ||
| Or anything. | ||
| Anytime a rat's in town, everybody has to run. | ||
| The fucking fleas. | ||
| You've got to figure out a way to not die. | ||
| You didn't even know that it was... | ||
| That. | ||
| They didn't know anything. | ||
| There was witch's curses and shit. | ||
| They didn't know what the fuck was going on. | ||
| Or you could go back and be awesome. | ||
| You could. | ||
| If you knew what you know now. | ||
|
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|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, that's true. | ||
| I start drawing shit. | ||
| But human beings will evolve with their technology. | ||
| Like, oh shit, you heard of shop? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Know what you would do. | ||
| You would go back and start, you know, one day we would have a thing called a microwave oven. | ||
| And they'd say, he's a witch. | ||
| Light him on fire. | ||
| Yeah, they might kill me. | ||
| That's why they fought with swords, too. | ||
| And you had to be a badass. | ||
| I don't know if it favors a big man. | ||
| It favors the fastest guy. | ||
| Swords are no joke. | ||
| Swords definitely don't favor a big person. | ||
| They favor someone who's strong enough to swing the sword as fast as possible. | ||
| It's probably like a weight that you... | ||
| There's like a point of diminishing returns probably with sword fighting. | ||
| It's pretty final, sword fighting. | ||
| It's not so final. | ||
| You don't walk away from a bloody throat. | ||
| There's no ERs back then. | ||
| But what's interesting is Musashi was a big man. | ||
| Miyamoto Bonsashi was not a small man. | ||
|
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|
How big? | |
| He was thick. | ||
| Well, it's hard to tell. | ||
| Because, you know, what they measured, I mean, I think they probably didn't use inches. | ||
| I mean, I don't know what the fuck they used. | ||
| He's described as being, I think, like, thick, though. | ||
| Like, big, big balls. | ||
| You know how small people were, though? | ||
| You know, we had a president, I forget which president, but he was 5'4", and he weighed 100 pounds. | ||
| Was it Taft? | ||
| I think it might have been Taft. | ||
| No, Taft was big. | ||
| Taff was a big giant. | ||
| Taff was the big fat guy. | ||
| Because when I made funny saying there's no fat presidents, people sent me pictures of Taff. | ||
| So I was reading this book with my kid the other day. | ||
| And it's all about presidents and weird facts about presidents. | ||
| But one of the guys was 100 pounds. | ||
| So he's half my size. | ||
| That's like a hobbit. | ||
| Running the fucking... | ||
| That's like Christy Mack. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, I doubt he has that ass. | ||
| She's probably like 110. Smallest U.S. president. | ||
| He's 5'4". | ||
| 100 pounds. | ||
| Smallest U.S. president. | ||
| Who was it? | ||
|
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|
James Madison. | |
| I should have known that. | ||
| I didn't even know he was president until I was reading my daughter's book. | ||
| Madison was one of the authors of the Federalist Papers. | ||
| How many presidents can you name? | ||
| I can name maybe five. | ||
| Maybe five to ten? | ||
| Who is our third president? | ||
| Some douchebag. | ||
| Jefferson. | ||
| Okay, how about Lincoln? | ||
| Was he 16? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| George Washington was number one. | ||
| Who's number two? | ||
| Nobody gives a fuck because nobody cares about number two. | ||
| He's the first loser. | ||
| It's Alexander Hamilton. | ||
| It doesn't work that way. | ||
| He doesn't work that way. | ||
| He's not a loser. | ||
| It was Alexander Hamilton. | ||
| He was a winner. | ||
| He was a new president. | ||
| James Madison. | ||
| Wait, it was Alexander Hamilton, Jefferson, Washington, Hamilton, Jefferson. | ||
| Didn't you major in history? | ||
| You know who we really dismiss for one-term presidents? | ||
| Wasn't Hamilton the guy that was terrible? | ||
| He was getting all his fucking friends jobs and he was really corrupt and literally wound up saying, I'm not fit for this job. | ||
| I don't think it was Hamilton. | ||
| He sounds pretty awesome. | ||
| No, you're right. | ||
| It wasn't Hamilton. | ||
| It was someone else. | ||
| Find out whose quote was that? | ||
| I was not fit for this job. | ||
| One of the presidents. | ||
| Harding? | ||
| Harding was considered... | ||
| I think it was Harding was considered the worst president because he was very handsome. | ||
| He was very good looking. | ||
| I think it was Warren Harding. | ||
| I think it was Warren Harding. | ||
| And he was very handsome, but he was a bad president. | ||
| He just was not a very smart guy. | ||
| I think he looked really presidential. | ||
| How about... | ||
| I heard JFK was just a fucking ladies man. | ||
| Did you hear that? | ||
| 3,000. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| You really heard that? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
|
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|
Yes. | |
| Hey... | ||
| Hey, this is breaking news. | ||
| Along with taking McGregor down, JFK got some bitches. | ||
| Did you ever see his medical records and what a physical wreck he was? | ||
|
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|
Oh, really? | |
| Treated for gonorrhea, treated for all kinds of stuff. | ||
| Yeah, it was Andrew Jackson. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Jackson was a guy who essentially was considered, first of all, he'd seen a lot of battle. | ||
| He'd killed a lot of Native Americans. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| This is the wrong quote. | ||
| This is the wrong quote. | ||
| That's not... | ||
| Andrew Jackson was talking about being a great general and not being a great president. | ||
| He had been shot in a duel and he had a hole in his lung that would perforate at times. | ||
| I'm obsessed with JFK. JFK had gonorrhea and all sorts of shit. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| He had terrible back problems. | ||
| He was on so many drugs. | ||
| Look it up. | ||
| The New York Times ran a whole thing on it. | ||
| I couldn't believe his medical... | ||
| What was his back issue? | ||
| From partying or what? | ||
| He had a... | ||
| I think it was a congenital... | ||
| He fucked his back out. | ||
| This fucking dude just kept going. | ||
| He just kept going. | ||
| We need to celebrate this guy. | ||
| He wore a brace. | ||
| He wore a body brace under his suit. | ||
| From what though? | ||
| And he had to be in pools. | ||
| He had some kind of degenerative disease, I think, of the back. | ||
| Well, you threw out gonorrhea and herpes and stuff too. | ||
| And he was treated for gonorrhea. | ||
| If you look at his medical records, it's pretty unbelievable. | ||
| When they treated you for gonorrhea, did they even get it back then? | ||
| Penicillin, I think? | ||
| A type of penicillin? | ||
| What kind of lab tests did they do back then? | ||
| It's pretty easy to cure. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| With antibiotics. | ||
| Who knows what kind of shit this guy had. | ||
| Well, diseases are weird, man, because occasionally diseases come along and they're not exactly sure what you have. | ||
| Then they have to ask, where you been? | ||
| Where'd you go? | ||
| And then they have to try to sort of narrow it down and test for a bunch of different things. | ||
| Well, they say this is an urban myth, but the guy emailed this story to me where the girl goes to the doctor. | ||
| She's got a rash on her face. | ||
| The doctor's like, what is going on here? | ||
| He couldn't figure out a dozen sample. | ||
| Comes up and goes, can I ask you a question? | ||
| He goes, you have necritis on your face. | ||
| You have a bacteria that you get from dead bodies. | ||
| Have you been around dead bodies? | ||
| She goes, no. | ||
| And he said, where'd you go? | ||
| She goes, I was in Ireland. | ||
| Did you hook up with anybody? | ||
| She said, yeah, a guy in a bar. | ||
| He goes, do you have his number? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Turns out the guy worked in a morgue. | ||
| And he was fucking... | ||
| She sucked that zombie dick? | ||
| And she sucked his dick. | ||
| I was told that's an urban myth, but this is what the guy emailed me and told me the story. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| It's a good story if it's true. | ||
| Well, let's go further. | ||
| Then she started time traveling and went back to the time before she did it. | ||
| And then there became two of her, and the two of her plotted to take over the world. | ||
| He's just making shit up at this point. | ||
| Very possible. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| We don't know. | ||
| It's a good story, though, right? | ||
| It's a good story, but you've got to Google these things. | ||
| No, I've got it right here. | ||
| Get on your goddamn phone. | ||
| It makes sense. | ||
| Hey, get your phone. | ||
| Get your phone. | ||
| Hold it far away from you so we can use our... | ||
| My eyes are so bad now. | ||
| They're so good at, like, this distance. | ||
| They're perfect. | ||
| But then your phone... | ||
| Oh, right here. | ||
| You're always like... | ||
| Yeah, lucky I don't have to read my own fingerprints. | ||
| I don't know what the fuck's going on here. | ||
| It's just a pink bludge. | ||
| Story's kind of legit though. | ||
| Makes sense. | ||
| Sort of. | ||
| Sort of makes sense. | ||
| I can see it happening. | ||
| It makes sense that dead bodies would have bacteria on them that would be eating the dead body. | ||
| And if you had any sort of an infection or a cut. | ||
| On your mouth. | ||
| Or you didn't wash and it got into your system. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Who fucks dead bodies? | ||
| Oh, a lot of people. | ||
| Yeah, it's been a real problem many, many times in funeral homes. | ||
| Yes, I told you my acting teacher, right, when he came out, his mother died. | ||
| He told the story. | ||
| His mother dies, fucking goes to see her body in the morgue, and the guy's coming out, putting his pants on, sweating. | ||
| And he looked at the guy, and the guy looked at him, and he goes... | ||
| You fucked my mother. | ||
| He didn't say it, but he knew it. | ||
| He never said anything. | ||
| The guy just ran out. | ||
| Oh, I beat the fuck out of that guy. | ||
| And he just went, fuck that guy. | ||
| Why didn't he go check his mom's box? | ||
| He did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| He did? | ||
| Well, I don't know if he checked her box. | ||
| You gotta check the box. | ||
| You gotta check that ass. | ||
| Let me pull out my kit. | ||
| Can you imagine? | ||
| Let me put my kit out. | ||
| You'd have to kill someone. | ||
| Well, maybe. | ||
| And by the way, I don't think you do jail time for that. | ||
| You would get a fine for it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, no. | |
| You go in jail, son. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no, no. | |
| No. | ||
| Huh? | ||
| You're going to jail. | ||
| There's a law about mishandling a dead body, but it's not really... | ||
| There you go. | ||
| It's a legend. | ||
| It's been told over and over again for a long time. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| For many of you. | ||
| Scroll down and see if there's any possibility. | ||
| See, scroll down, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Oh, these are the same emails over and over and over again. | ||
| Sounds like the girl got herpes from whatever reason and started fucking making stuff up. | ||
| There's certain things that are supposed to be urban mess, but you find out they're true. | ||
| Charles Manson endorsing Trump is not false. | ||
| Who cares what Charles Manson endorses? | ||
| You know what's weird? | ||
| The Trump guys who are putting fucking SS-style bands around their arms. | ||
| Have you seen this shit? | ||
| No, can't do that. | ||
| These idiots are taking bumper stickers, Trump bumper stickers, and they're wrapping them around their arms like Hitler arm bands. | ||
| Jesus, man. | ||
| That's a bad look. | ||
| White people just get so wacky. | ||
| Fucking white people, man. | ||
| You know what it is? | ||
| White people are a lot like the economy, the economy cyclical. | ||
| White people are on an upswing. | ||
| Right now, they're on an upswing with Trump. | ||
| Everything was all good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Look at these guys. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| Look at these dipshits. | ||
| That's not good. | ||
| These guys have fucking bumper stickers around their arm like Trump is the new Hitler. | ||
| Eh, it's kind of macho. | ||
| No, oh my god, it's not a bumper sticker! | ||
| Some real Nazi shit. | ||
| Oh, it says mostly false. | ||
| I actually found this on Snopes without even knowing it was on Snopes. | ||
| Okay, just two guys. | ||
| Two young women were photographed wearing Nazi-style arms. | ||
| Okay, you know what? | ||
| They probably wanted us to talk to them. | ||
| Okay, what's false? | ||
| Hold on, scroll down. | ||
| The two men were legitimate Trump supporters and the use of Nazi armbands expressed their genuine political beliefs. | ||
| So they really did it. | ||
| What were they doing? | ||
| Were they joking around? | ||
| It doesn't mean they're Nazis. | ||
| What were they doing? | ||
| Just wearing an armband. | ||
| Fox News tweet, the supporters of Republican presidential, Donald Trump, spotted in Florida, rally, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. | ||
| Not dissimilar. | ||
| Okay, but what is it? | ||
| What's really going on? | ||
| Scroll down. | ||
| So what are they saying? | ||
| The art band was one of many invoked of Nazi imagery. | ||
| But what is it saying? | ||
| What is it saying? | ||
| How is it not true? | ||
| However, it appeared that the initial tweet was sent without much verification as to whether Trump armbands were a legitimate campaign memorabilia sported unironically by dutiful supporters of the GOP presidential hopeful. | ||
| Not long after the image hit Twitter, hard users began pointing out that the Trump supporters looked awfully familiar. | ||
| So who are they? | ||
| Oh, they're jokes. | ||
| They're comedians. | ||
| Oh, they're comics. | ||
| Political pranksters. | ||
| Oh, they're just trying to fuck it. | ||
| They win. | ||
| They got us. | ||
| Well, now we know. | ||
| Well played. | ||
| People were sending that today, and I was like, what? | ||
| Did you see when they grew a fucking dinosaur leg on a chicken? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| A real dinosaur leg? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Goddammit. | ||
| Jurassic Park is gonna fucking happen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I will be the first one there. | |
| I will be the first one there to see T-Rex. | ||
| You are the ultimate American consumer. | ||
| You'll be there with fresh Yeezys on. | ||
| But yeah! | ||
| A new hairdo. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Look at this. | ||
| Synthetic DNA. You're going to create your own animal from your own imagination. | ||
| Scientists have grown dinosaur legs on a chicken for the first time. | ||
| What in the fuck? | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| How about you guys cure cancer? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah! | |
| How about you figure out a way to get salt out of the ocean, you assholes? | ||
| Stop making dinosaurs! | ||
| It's all part of it. | ||
| I hope you help the ozone. | ||
| Fuck a chicken with a dinosaur. | ||
| It's all part of it. | ||
| It is all part of it, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| We shouldn't expect these guys to make better cell phones. | ||
| They have a different field of study. | ||
| They're not about that life. | ||
| They're about chickens and dinosaurs. | ||
| They're not about that life! | ||
| Yo, I ain't about that, bro. | ||
| I ain't about that, bro. | ||
| I'm about making dino legs on some pigeons and shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Dino legs. | |
| It's so ridiculous. | ||
| That's someone's job. | ||
| Dude, I'll tell you, when you watch chickens eat, you realize they're just dinosaurs. | ||
| They're just little. | ||
| They're little dinosaurs. | ||
| They can't kill you, so they just deal with you. | ||
| When they can make dick cells, how big do you think guys are going to get? | ||
| No one is going to have a little dick anymore, that's for sure. | ||
| That's for sure. | ||
| No one's just going to say, I'm pro to my natural dick. | ||
| But how big are you going to get? | ||
| How big is your dick going to get? | ||
| Guys get weird. | ||
| Without having surgery? | ||
| Like you just inject my dick? | ||
| Yeah, if you can gene dope or whatever it is. | ||
| I'll take four inches. | ||
| CRISPR. They're gonna use CRISPR. Yeah, CRISPR's badass. | ||
| Yeah, your dick's gonna be at least a foot long, and girls' pussies are gonna grow. | ||
| I had a whole bit about this. | ||
| If they did come up with big dick pills, like those commercials that Ron Jeremy used to sell at 3 o'clock in the morning, if it was real, if those pills really did make your dick bigger, it would be about 30 seconds before the first guy died of an overdose. | ||
| I'm like, because no one's taking one pill. | ||
| Hell, we always overdo. | ||
| How many gives me a stroke? | ||
| And the problem is, dicks would be so big, the vaginas would grow too, because people would still have to breed and they would evolve. | ||
| They'd have to adapt. | ||
| I said they would turn into giant flying squirrel pussy people. | ||
| They would just be able to, dudes with big dicks, they'd have them in shopping carts, they'd be chasing these girls to the top of cliffs, and the women would just leap to safety. | ||
| Like flying squirrels. | ||
| Open their pussy up like a giant flying squirrel. | ||
| Imagine what kind of weird shapes people are going to come into. | ||
| Like, now, what we're dealing with now is people that are starting to explore the possibility of modifying their body with tattoos or with piercings or weird shit. | ||
| But once you can change the shape... | ||
| You know, you're gonna lose the funny, you're gonna lose, you know, personality and people. | ||
| Yeah, it's not good, man. | ||
| I think people have variety, though, just because everybody has a different idea of what's beautiful. | ||
| Everybody has a different idea of what they want. | ||
| Someone's gonna want to be the Hulk. | ||
| You might have more variety. | ||
| What guy's gonna be like, no, I want to be 5'1", man. | ||
| I like having a little dick. | ||
| I want to keep these tits and small dick. | ||
| I want to look like Madison. | ||
| You'll have less people who are longing for something, right? | ||
| If you have an ability and the money... | ||
| If it's fake, yeah. | ||
| But there'll still be people left out because it's going to cost money. | ||
| Do you think it'll be like reading? | ||
| You know, like it used to be a long time ago that reading was a luxury that very few people could read. | ||
| And they couldn't afford books. | ||
| Right, now pretty much everybody could read, anybody could get books, and not only that, you can get so much off the internet that's free. | ||
| Like, you can get, your access to information today is better than it's ever been before. | ||
| Yeah, fuck a library. | ||
| What if your access to changing your body will follow a similar path? | ||
| It doesn't mean we'll be happier, and it doesn't mean that we'll be more fulfilled, I would imagine. | ||
| I think the responsibility of creating your own fulfillment will still remain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
100%. | |
| And that's, they can make artificial happiness. | ||
| God damn it, Joe. | ||
| The problem is, like, what? | ||
| That'd be like being on drugs, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, the problem is what is happening is really based on. | ||
| You're talking about ecstasy now, aren't you? | ||
| I'm talking about ecstasy all day. | ||
| If you were just rolling all day, but no negative repercussions. | ||
| Can't get shit done? | ||
| Art wouldn't be created, right? | ||
| Who needs art when you get your dick sucked while you're on ecstasy on a roller coaster? | ||
| That's the art, son! | ||
| How about you fly like an eagle? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You guys are fucking godless, you know? | |
| Godless fucks. | ||
| My god is CRISPR. That's the new god. | ||
| Because we're controlling our own evolution. | ||
| I wonder, man. | ||
| I wonder what it's going to look like. | ||
| I mean, it's going to change. | ||
| It's not going to just... | ||
| No one's ever going to go, hey, everybody, let's just go camping. | ||
| Let's stop all this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We're not going to do that. | ||
| Those dudes that are growing dinosaur legs and chickens... | ||
| But the satisfaction... | ||
| I wish I had a friend who was doing that. | ||
| The satisfaction you get from overcoming the impossible... | ||
| It's almost as good as learning Kung Fu in The Matrix. | ||
| That's actually better. | ||
| But if someone can take the shortcut, don't you think the masses, if they can take the shortcut to doing that, they're not going to put the work in? | ||
| If I can download it? | ||
| What I'm saying is that there may be shortcuts in certain areas, but we'll still have challenges. | ||
| I hope you're right, Brian. | ||
| Yeah, so if you're really good at something, if you're really good at whatever you want to be, I wonder if... | ||
| For example, what I like about tennis, what you like about archery, what you like about boxing, whatever it is, is the repetition and the state it puts you in and the slow attrition of a skill set is immensely satisfying, right? | ||
| I wonder if you can just do it right away. | ||
| I wonder if all the fun goes away. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| It's no more a mystery. | ||
| It's not a mystery. | ||
| You're not learning anything. | ||
| Because when you're hitting a ball really well or you're boxing really well one day and you know you go... | ||
| You have a goal. | ||
| Yeah, and you go, today I hit it. | ||
| And if you don't have something to compare that to, I think what happens is you end up being generally copacetic. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| And I wonder what it says about happiness. | ||
| I would download skateboarding. | ||
| Just a big ass dude skateboarding like Tony Hawk. | ||
| I think who you are right now is based on what our ideas are right now about what people want and what people need and what makes us happy. | ||
| One of the things that makes us happy is overcoming adversity, trying to figure out puzzles, trying to set goals and accomplishing Beating the odds. | ||
| Setting goals and accomplishing them is one of the biggest sources of happiness. | ||
| One of the things that people say, like if you really want to be happy, you should have projects and you should set goals and you should try to accomplish those. | ||
| And for whatever reason, it's probably just some deep-seated evolutionary reason, something that's in our DNA. We have this desire to achieve things. | ||
| And when we do achieve them, it gives us this feeling of happiness. | ||
| And if you don't do that, like the most regretful, sorrowful, depressed people rarely set goals and rarely achieve those set goals. | ||
| For whatever reason, whether or not to create- And they hate on others who are trying to achieve those goals. | ||
| So what it is, what we're doing kind of, is like some sort of a weird balancing act with our ancient primate minds, right? | ||
| So our ancient primate minds which wanted to survive, they wanted to gather food, they wanted to figure out things like, how do I catch this fish? | ||
| How do I start a fire? | ||
| And all these different desires that we had to both breed, protect our territory, overcome... | ||
| And they manifest themselves as like rewards. | ||
| And these human rewards are in our system. | ||
| And we intrinsically link those rewards in this system to life. | ||
| And this is the only way to live. | ||
| And this is the way we live because we've always lived like this. | ||
| But if we can completely... | ||
| Remove ourselves from the biological process. | ||
| Completely remove ourselves from the lust and the greed and the... | ||
| What do we become? | ||
| And is that actually a better way to live? | ||
| It's a good question, but I think that you have to add another dimension to what you said, which is, yes, there is that evolutionary notion of reward that creates a feeling of, for example, safety and whatever it might be. | ||
| But I wonder also if... | ||
| The other reason that we seem to have this need to get better at something, like just say the violin or whatever it might be, I think that there's another thing that happens to you when you get really good at something, when you develop a deep skill. | ||
| I think you get a better understanding of you. | ||
| Like you come closer to who you truly are in your essence. | ||
| The notion that when you do something for the sake of its own doing, which would be considered play, That's how you would define probably play. | ||
| That's when you are the most authentic and truly yourself. | ||
| Yeah, and I feel like human beings not only have a nostalgia, like a built-in nostalgia to try to find who they were originally, but I think also, it's just my general idea that... | ||
| I wonder if, because the internet is bringing us all together, and we're getting a deeper understanding of what it is to be each other, in one way or another, and pretty soon if you can download not only information, but what it's like to be Joe Rogan into my brain. | ||
| Well, if that's bringing us all together, then I wonder if the end goal is something in the area of deep self-knowledge and deep knowledge, deep human knowledge, sort of this, creating this neural net so we are all, sorry for the word, one, you know? | ||
| That seems to be... | ||
| I don't know if that's a good thing. | ||
| That spiritual dimension, that thing that's hard to measure, Has always existed in human beings. | ||
| We somehow always want, and I think it's where religion comes from, where inspiration comes from, we seem to always want to reach beyond ourselves. | ||
| What is that about? | ||
| You think that's always going to be there, no matter what? | ||
| I don't think it's always going to be there. | ||
| I don't think it's going to be there if we're operating inside of the biological parameters that we currently have to operate inside of. | ||
| You're saying if we can get out of there. | ||
| That mystery will be taken away from us. | ||
| What if they can eliminate greed? | ||
| What if the instinct of greed can be located in our genome and can be eliminated? | ||
| I don't know if that's good, because greed might be... | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| It might be valuable. | ||
| Creates greatness a lot of times. | ||
| Jealousy might be valuable, too. | ||
| Greed also may be that primordial need to amass as much food and as much safety and as much power so that you stay alive. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| The one thing we know is that human beings across the board love one thing above all, and that is immortality. | ||
| They want to live forever. | ||
| What I'm thinking is a lot of our ideas of what was valuable and what we want and what we need and what is just part of life, a lot of those ideas are only based on the current model of human that exists. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| When they start manipulating shit and downloading new thoughts in your mind, do you want to go fucking meditate in an ashram for 10 years and sweep up and just om all day in the corner? | ||
| Or how about they just press a button and shoot some shit straight into your brain and you could read minds? | ||
| You're going to take that. | ||
| You're going to take instant enlightenment. | ||
| You're going to take... | ||
| The ability to transcend all of our biological impulses, including the dumb ones, like self-doubt and hate and jealousy. | ||
| God, we're not human anymore. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| That's the real thing. | ||
| You can even, like Ray Kurzweil, who created this sort of movement of Kurzweilists, the notion that, all right, we all say we're going to die. | ||
| We all know human beings have one goal. | ||
| It's to stay alive forever. | ||
| It's why we do great work and we want it to live on. | ||
| We have children. | ||
| That's why we're so attached to our children. | ||
| But that's not necessarily true, because we do because we enjoy it while we're doing it. | ||
| Well, that too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| I don't think you have kids thinking you're going to live on. | ||
| I don't think you make a compliment. | ||
| You don't make a painting, no, this will go on forever. | ||
| You have this idea in your head and you want to express yourself. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I agree with you on that, but I just think that overall, if you looked at the general... | ||
| Over overarching sort of desire and need in a human being. | ||
| It's probably we all want to live forever. | ||
| We don't want to die. | ||
| Well, I think it's just a fear of death. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, it's more of a fear because that's on my list because we all know we're going to die. | |
| But follow this. | ||
| So if we can download our essence, if I could download everything that's in your brain, your memories and your paradigm, your thought paradigm, whatever the words are, and then I could put that into a computer. | ||
| Or a robot. | ||
| Yeah, then you kind of keep living forever in a way, right? | ||
| When you change like whatever you are if they download you and put you in a computer Are they gonna have all your flaws? | ||
| Is it gonna be filled with all your insecurities? | ||
| Is it gonna be a liar? | ||
| Imagine the computer becomes a liar Imagine if the computer develops its own insecurities and it changes who you are and starts going down its own weird emotional paths. | ||
| Those are programmed in. | ||
| No, most likely you're going to program something where they're going to probably have to differentiate between What you are and what you love and what your memories are and all the negative stuff. | ||
| Well, part of what makes you great and your essence, in my opinion, all three of us, and I don't know Jamie well enough, but I'm sure, is our reaction. | ||
| A big part of our personalities, in my opinion, is a reaction to our shortcomings. | ||
| Is the compensation, the measures we've taken to compensate for our Limitations. | ||
| Well, not just that. | ||
| Your experiences. | ||
| The trials and tribulations. | ||
| The failures and successes. | ||
| The struggle. | ||
| The struggle defines your personality. | ||
| You show me a guy who doesn't do anything, and I'll show you a guy who can't do anything. | ||
| You show me a guy or a woman who's accomplished all sorts of things. | ||
| She can continue to accomplish things because she knows how to get shit done. | ||
| She's also learned how to fail and be successful. | ||
| Anyone who's successful has failed so many times. | ||
| Well, that's where wisdom comes from. | ||
| Wisdom is the acknowledgement not only of your limitations, but wisdom is also knowing what to do with those limitations. | ||
| Until they fucking strap you to that machine and shove those fucking genius thoughts right into your dome, son. | ||
| Isn't that the same as being high, though, all the time? | ||
| Isn't that the same as keeping the DMT trip going forever? | ||
| Well, the DMT trip removes reality as we know it. | ||
| That's where it gets weird. | ||
| It takes you to another dimension, right? | ||
| Well, we don't know that. | ||
| It certainly feels like that. | ||
| It could just be hallucinations. | ||
| It could all be going on in your head. | ||
| It's the best thing I've ever done. | ||
| What you get from it. | ||
| I didn't tattoo it on my arm for no reason. | ||
| What you get from it is something that is exactly the same. | ||
| Like someone say, maybe it's all in your head when you trip, maybe it's not really happening. | ||
| Okay, maybe. | ||
| However, the experience is exactly the same. | ||
| If you really are going into another dimension, you really are experiencing love in its purest form and forgiveness and just love. | ||
| 100% wisdom like all the bullshit and all the flaws of your thinking and all of the Ridiculous aspects of the world around you revealed in some Wonderful dance by jesters who are giving you the finger in a never-ending complex geometric pattern even if it's not real It's still the same experience. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| Like if you really do go to that dimension and you really do experience these incredibly enlightened beings and they really do instill upon you wisdom and you really do hold on to a few grains of that sand that slips through your finger, you hold on to a little bit of it while you're there. | ||
| You got handfuls, but you just hold on to a little bit. | ||
| It's still the same experience. | ||
| Yeah, that shit's real, son. | ||
| Yeah, it's a little bit like, you know, what changed the way I... Argue is that somebody said, look, you may think that that person's point of view is shitty, or you don't have respect for it, or maybe they're acting crazy. | ||
| To them, those feelings and emotions are very real. | ||
| So if you start the argument by saying, like, that's why, if you look at, like, political discussions in this country, it's hilarious. | ||
| You get gun rights advocates, and you have gun control advocates. | ||
| The first thing they do is they go, you're a gun nut, and the other ones go, you're a bleeding heart liberal pussy. | ||
| You start the argument there and guess what? | ||
| Nobody's having a conversation anymore because you just said, I don't like you. | ||
| Atheists and religious people. | ||
| Religious people. | ||
| Feminazis, male rights, MRAs. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| You'll never have a marriage between the religious, you know, the people who are very religious and people who are strictly scientific because what happens is instead of saying that religious person is religious and he gains inspiration and a feeling that's very important to that person. | ||
| And they're going to guard that feeling because it makes them feel good about the world. | ||
| If you come in as an atheist or a scientist and say, everything about you is bullshit or that's a big fairy tale, you just shut down the debate. | ||
| You just broke that bridge. | ||
| You're never going to see anything. | ||
| You're not going to see that person for who they are. | ||
| You're never going to understand what they're experiencing or what they believe and what they have faith in is not real. | ||
| They still can get a tangible benefit from it. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| And it can improve their life. | ||
| And so it is real in a way, isn't it? | ||
| Well, it is something that they believe in to the point where it benefits them. | ||
| And it can create beautiful things. | ||
| Great pieces of work, art, whatever it might be. | ||
| Well, that's my argument about Ben Carson. | ||
| Like, Ben Carson might be a wacky dude who doesn't believe in evolution. | ||
| He's got some crazy ideas, but I like him as much as any of the other people that are running for president. | ||
| Smart dude. | ||
| He's not just smart dude. | ||
| One of the best neurosurgeons ever, okay? | ||
| Not only that, he's... | ||
| Really measured and relaxed and calm, always, constantly. | ||
| He never gets too high or too emotional. | ||
| Trump is yelling at someone the other day, go home and get a job! | ||
| This is going to be our president! | ||
| Go home and get a job! | ||
| And all the fucking white dudes with golf shirts on. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yes! | |
| But where are his ideas? | ||
| Where are his ideas? | ||
| I keep looking for his ideas. | ||
| I'm hoping that once he becomes president, because he's going to become president, then he lets it go. | ||
| Because what Ben Carson has said about Trump that I thought was really fascinating, he says, he's remarkably reasonable when he's not on camera. | ||
| And Jeff Ross told me that, too. | ||
| Because Ben's endorsing him now. | ||
| I don't think he's a dumb guy, and I think a lot of this might be an act. | ||
| It's an act and it's working. | ||
| I think you may see, if he becomes president, two things. | ||
| One is, he's not an idealist. | ||
| We go to war. | ||
| World War IV. He's not an ideologue, so he's going to do this. | ||
| I think he will approach everything as a problem to be solved, which is not a bad thing. | ||
| Secondly, don't be surprised if he surrounds himself with very competent, smart people who know more than he does. | ||
| Those are the two silver linings I can see Trump... | ||
| Coming to the table with. | ||
| I don't like the guy. | ||
| He breaks the system, because the system of special interest groups and the need for the campaign financing, when you get a guy like him, you really can't buy him. | ||
| He doesn't benefit. | ||
| The problem with campaign finance reform is that with Citizens United, that Supreme Court decision, giving money Two, a political campaign is an exercise of free speech, and it was considered constitutional. | ||
| So it's very difficult to get big money out. | ||
| But what I do think will happen, and you're seeing it already with people like Bernie Sanders and even Donald Trump, is that we as citizens will go, man, you have big, deep pockets, deep political pockets, and so you must be a little corrupt at least. | ||
| I ain't voting for you. | ||
| Well, there's transparency, too. | ||
| There's things like CrowdPak, where you can go and find exactly who's financing people. | ||
| CrowdPak, which my friend Steve Hilton runs, you go and check out. | ||
| I mean, their website has all of the various campaign funds, all the people that are influencing people, all the special interest groups. | ||
| Love it. | ||
| Tight move. | ||
| We've got to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| It's already 540. What? | ||
| Come see us in Denver! | ||
| We flew through three hours. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| This was a good one. | ||
| Comedy store tonight. | ||
| I'd just like to point out that both you bitches peed twice. | ||
| I never got up once. | ||
| You're like a cannibal. | ||
| Strong bladder. | ||
| I have trained it from doing this show. | ||
| I drank four cups of coffee sitting here. | ||
| And a bottle of kombucha. | ||
| You're gangster. | ||
| I'm not bragging. | ||
| Probably I can hold up a lot of piss. | ||
| Comedy Works, March 18th, March 19th. | ||
| It's my B-Day. | ||
| Actually, I am bragging about my ability to hold in piss. | ||
| It's impressive, though. | ||
| It's like a baby camel. | ||
| Rogan and I will be here. | ||
| We'll be at the Comedy Store tonight. | ||
| Tonight. | ||
| With Theo Vaughn, Brent Ernst, and it's for a good cause, right? | ||
| Yeah, spinal cord. | ||
| Spinal cord injury. | ||
| Yeah, spinal cord injury, so come by. | ||
| How much of the money goes towards it? | ||
|
unidentified
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All of it. | |
| Literally all of it. | ||
| Okay, all of it. | ||
| Beautiful. | ||
| But mine, I get mine. | ||
| You get all your money, buddy. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| All your money. | ||
| No, just kidding. | ||
| I love you, Joe Rogan. | ||
| Do it for charity. | ||
| So that's tonight at 8 o'clock, right? | ||
| And Theo Vaughn, very hilarious guy. | ||
|
unidentified
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Comedy store. | |
| Main room. | ||
| Brent Ernst, hilarious guy. | ||
| Brian Cowan, hilarious. | ||
| And I can do my best. | ||
| Alright, so that's tonight. | ||
| Yeah! | ||
| And that's it. | ||
| Alright, we'll be back tomorrow with Greg Fitzsimmons and also Thursday night I'll be at the Improv for Greg Fitzsimmons St. Patrick's Day extravaganza. | ||
| We'll be talking about that tomorrow too. | ||
| Alright, thank you everybody. | ||
| Love you guys. | ||
| Bye-bye. |
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