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Nov. 13, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:02:43
Joe Rogan Experience #722 - Tony Hinchcliffe (Audio Only)
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joe rogan
01:13:17
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tony hinchcliffe
43:02
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unidentified
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day!
Joe Rogan Podcast by night!
All day!
Boom!
joe rogan
We are live in a hotel room in the middle of Melbourne, Australia, and next door to us is some sort of a religious institution, cathedral-type scenario, some fucking bunk-ass bullshit old-world voodoo house.
That's got their fucking bells ringing constantly.
They get to do that.
Imagine if you lived next door to those assholes, and it's like, they decided today it was a special time to ring the gong.
So we don't know what's going on.
We thought it was like, maybe for Paris.
Because as we're doing this, Tony and I just found out maybe an hour or so ago that the Paris attacks had gone on.
More than 100 people are dead.
It was inside some rock and roll show.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, death metal.
joe rogan
Yeah, some death metal show.
tony hinchcliffe
One more reason and never go see a death metal concert.
Already.
That's an interesting place to attack.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's pretty fucked up.
The whole thing is pretty fucked up.
tony hinchcliffe
I didn't know they had death metal in Paris.
It seems like it just wouldn't even exist there.
Like, there'd be no base for that.
Turns out there was hundreds of people there.
joe rogan
I think more than that.
I think there's thousands.
I think it's a big...
I don't know.
Why would you think that death metal wouldn't be popular in Paris?
tony hinchcliffe
Paris just seems like they're a little bit too, like, prim and proper for, uh, you know, death metal.
joe rogan
I think on paper they do.
Like if we look at it from the past.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
I don't think they're that prim and proper.
I think Paris is a lot of like drinking and fucking and Gerard Depardieu.
I almost thought it stopped.
It did stop.
Now they're just slowly gonging.
One, two, three.
How long are you going to do that?
tony hinchcliffe
I don't know.
This is like the biggest cathedral I've ever seen, though, right?
This thing's huge.
joe rogan
It's over.
It ended.
It's pretty big.
The ones in New York City, I think, are probably bigger.
They're really old, though.
Those old, we were saying before this started, that those old religious houses, those old buildings, they don't make them like that anymore.
tony hinchcliffe
I wish they did.
That stuff's so cool.
With Game of Thrones getting more popular, you would think there'd be more of that type of architecture happening.
People wanting to create their own kingdoms and stuff.
I bet we do see more of it.
joe rogan
It's hard to create a kingdom today.
People are too hip.
They're aware of what you're trying to do.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Have you tried to make a religion today where all your leaders can't have sex, like the Catholics have?
They'd be like, wait, what?
Get the fuck out of here.
tony hinchcliffe
Nobody would want to be the leader of that.
They're like, I'll follow, but I'm not going to lead.
joe rogan
Scientology is the most recent of all the religions, right?
Because that was started in the 50s or 60s.
I'm reading the middle of this book.
I can't finish it.
I read it and then I put it down.
It's a Lawrence Wright book, Going Clear.
It was the beginning of that HBO documentary.
That's how it started.
I've watched the documentary and I keep getting into this book, but It's so crazy.
That guy L. Ron Hubbard was so fucking crazy that the idea that this guy could start this global movement that has who knows how many fucking thousands of people in it and how many fucking millions if not billions of dollars they've earned in real estate and how much they've pilfered from all these people that are inside of it.
It's crazy.
tony hinchcliffe
It really is.
I think it really preys upon the people that are the weakest.
I mean, how do you believe?
The guy was a science fiction author.
That should be enough.
Right there.
The first thing at the top of this guy's resume is that he was a big science fiction author.
I mean, if George Lucas started a religion, Well, I guess maybe that'd probably be a pretty cool religion.
unidentified
Oh, and if it would join, so many dorks would be like, I'm in!
joe rogan
Fuck it!
unidentified
I'm in!
tony hinchcliffe
And that's really the crazy part, is I don't know, like, I don't, I mean, I don't think L. Ron Hubbard really got that famous off of, like, his science fiction.
Maybe I'm wrong, like, I don't know, but it was definitely no Star Wars.
Like, you would think that, and maybe that's why he did this.
Like, he's like, I haven't come up with a hit.
Maybe I'll just start a religion.
unidentified
I don't know.
joe rogan
Well, he is the most prolific author ever.
He wrote more books than anybody that's ever lived.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Which is another thing that would be at the top of his resume that proves that he's full of bullshit.
Just so much stuff.
He just kept writing.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Well, he's the most prolific bullshit artist ever.
And the other thing is that his work was all first drafts.
It seems like he never did a second draft ever.
Whatever he thought, he wrote down and just slobbered through the whole thing.
unidentified
It's all terrible, terrible, terrible writing.
joe rogan
And then the Thetans drop the frozen volcano, the people in the volcano, and that's where your anxiety comes from.
unidentified
Going clear is about releasing all of it.
joe rogan
All of his ideas and principles of...
The ideals of Scientology.
He outlined in the science fiction stories before he ever put them down as the actual reality of Scientology.
If you go back over his older stuff, you see him making this stuff up.
tony hinchcliffe
And, you know, it's like, on top of all that, on top of it being wild, they take so much money from these people.
joe rogan
10%, right?
Is it a 10% thing?
tony hinchcliffe
And then, like, if you do anything bad, they, like, punish you and make you give them more money and stuff.
No, it's true.
Like, I was reading this article about that actress...
She was in, like, Mike, not Mike, Caroline Ray, I think her name is.
She was in, like, some show with, like, Mike or Molly, one of those.
joe rogan
You talking about Leah Remini?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, that's who I'm talking about.
joe rogan
She's in the King and Queens.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
She was in the Kevin James show.
tony hinchcliffe
Kevin James.
That's right.
I always get Kevin James and Mike from Mike and Molly confused.
Big sitcom, guys.
But I guess, like...
I guess she went to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding and said some stuff and everybody got mad at her and they charged her like $100,000 for it.
Something crazy like that.
joe rogan
Well, they didn't just charge her.
They made her go through hours and hours of retraining and auditing.
unidentified
You go through this auditing thing where you have to sit down.
joe rogan
You go through every single last detail of everything you said and what you did during the wedding and she had to apologize to Katie Holmes for ruining her special day and I can see Leah Remini fucking it up, though.
She's, you know, she's a bold woman.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, she seems like a little party machine.
unidentified
She gets a few champagnes in her or something.
tony hinchcliffe
She seems like she drinks and just starts auditing out loud, you know?
unidentified
Do you think this podcast is gonna get fucked up by those gongs in the background?
tony hinchcliffe
I think maybe it sort of gives it, like, a vibe, like, sort of a tone.
joe rogan
An annoying tone.
If you're listening to this right now, you'd be like, are they fucking really going to do this with the gongs in the background?
I don't know if there's a way in this room we could get away from it.
unidentified
I think that's the reality of where we are.
joe rogan
That is unbelievably annoying.
If I lived here, I'd be so pissed.
If I was trying to take my afternoon nap, and this shit is going off, gong, gong, gong, gong, Jesus Christ, once upon a time, walked upon the water, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong.
tony hinchcliffe
I think it's because of the France thing.
joe rogan
But there's people going in there.
It looks like a wedding.
tony hinchcliffe
You know what I was just thinking about?
Because I was reading all these tweets on Twitter about the Paris-France thing, like, as it's happening.
And so many people are tweeting the same thing.
They're all going like, you know, pray for France, pray for France.
And I'm just thinking to myself, like, I started thinking about prayer and what it is.
And it just seems like it's something that people do to make themselves feel better.
joe rogan
Well, it's definitely something people do to make themselves feel better.
But the idea is that somehow positive thinking can correct things.
tony hinchcliffe
Can you imagine if there was studies that showed that praying did something?
What would happen?
joe rogan
Well, what is the placebo effect?
The placebo effect is you believing that something is happening, even though there's no real chemical, like you're taking a sugar pill.
And just believing that that sugar pill is some miracle pill, you can somehow or another enact a physical effect on your body.
The power of the mind, it's real.
There's real healing powers of the mind, and if you apply that to prayer, if you think that prayer really does help, if you actually believe it, it probably would have a similar effect.
unidentified
At least physically, to the placebo effect.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, on the person praying.
joe rogan
On the person who believes.
Like if somebody prayed for you, if you had something wrong with you, and someone prayed for you, it might have a physical effect on you if you actually believed they could do it.
Like if you had some Gandalf motherfucker hanging around with you.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, I see.
So if you believe that prayers work, and somebody prays for you, and you're like, oh man, these people are praying for me.
joe rogan
Yeah.
It could have an effect.
I think that there's probably all these untapped ways that we can help our body, that we can power up our immune system or overcome certain...
Certain things that are happening to our physical body just because our mind believes it.
They've shown it with the placebo effect that it's a real effect, that there is really something going on.
But we don't know how to voluntarily use that without tricking ourselves for the most part.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know how this guy Wim Hof on my podcast?
Fascinating fucking dude.
unidentified
And he's, he holds like 26 world records.
joe rogan
He summited Everest in his shorts with like sandals on, fucking ice cleats under the sandals.
And he ran half a marathon in minus 40 degree weather with shorts on and no shirt barefoot.
Yeah, he swam 100 yards.
It was supposed to be 50, but he couldn't figure out how to go.
It was under the ice.
He swam under the ice, and it was supposed to be 50 yards, but his retinas froze because the water was so fucking cold, so he couldn't see where he was going.
So he wound up going twice as far.
With one breath, he wound up swimming 100 yards under the ice before they pulled him out.
unidentified
Because he couldn't find the hole in the ice.
joe rogan
He's got 26 world records and a big part of his methodology is about breathing and about over-oxygenating, like oxygen loading on your lungs.
But he's able to achieve these crazy states.
He had a Dutch University or a hospital or university hospital inject him with a mycotoxin.
A mycotoxin?
A biotoxin.
And this biotoxin that he showed that he could activate his immune system with his own mind.
Things that we thought were only autonomous sort of Like your immune system, he's able to actually physically activate it with his own mind.
So I think there's all sorts of different areas of the human body that we haven't really tapped into the full potential of.
That's probably what the placebo effect shows.
It shows that we just don't know how to stimulate, like the average person doesn't know how to stimulate those systems, but it is possible.
We just don't know how to do it.
unidentified
Hmm.
tony hinchcliffe
That's some interesting stuff.
joe rogan
Well, it's interesting because we know that certain states are bad for your immune system.
Like being depressed or being stressed out or being fucked up.
You can get sick.
People get sick, they get stressed, they get worn out.
If you're calm and relaxed, you can handle things better.
So we know that there's certain states of mind that are more beneficial for your body.
We just don't know how, like most people don't know how to achieve those certain states.
Grab a water over here.
It's interesting.
We also know like exercise, like if you exercise, has a pretty profound effect on your body.
Exercise has a profound effect on your stress levels and that effect on your stress levels can...
Change your health.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, it was crazy.
Like, my whole clock and everything was all messed up yesterday because we just flew to Australia.
And I was waking up from a nap, so I'm normally messed up after a nap anyway, but I was double messed up.
And I went down to the gym, hit the steam room, and it was unbelievable how I went from, like...
24% to 100% in an hour.
Just from sweating and sweating and sweating and getting the blood flowing.
joe rogan
Yeah, get the blood flowing, fire up the machine, get all the systems working.
Yeah.
Well, that's why I always have a hard time trusting people that don't exercise.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Especially people that are, like, really emotional or overreact and they don't exercise.
I'm like, God damn it.
You don't have, like, a mitigation process.
Like, if you do, it doesn't evolve.
You know, like, it has to be all mental.
They don't have anything, like, physical.
tony hinchcliffe
When I was growing up...
joe rogan
Stress reliever.
tony hinchcliffe
And I think it's, like, a Midwest thing.
I feel like it's...
Maybe it's an East Coast thing.
But I feel like...
I feel like maybe they're better at this now, but I feel like they would just make it look like exercising.
They would tell you to exercise to lose weight.
I feel like nobody was really outgoingly saying that work out to make your mind stronger.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And I feel like maybe it's just California, or maybe I just hang out with smarter people now.
Maybe it's all of that.
But now it's very clear to me why working out is important, and it doesn't matter how much you weigh.
But in Ohio, I felt like that was it.
You would never see someone with my build running, I feel like, where I'm from.
unidentified
Really?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Skinny people don't run?
unidentified
Yeah.
Why?
tony hinchcliffe
Nobody exercises there.
It's very bizarre.
People don't exercise in the middle of the country, man.
joe rogan
They don't?
tony hinchcliffe
It's creepy.
joe rogan
Are you sure?
tony hinchcliffe
It's creepy.
joe rogan
Did you survey?
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, I'm saying not everybody doesn't exercise, but they definitely don't exercise like successful people exercise, like Californians exercise.
I mean, there's obviously not everybody in California exercises, but I don't know.
I just feel like...
I feel like big food companies and soda pop companies also don't want people to know that.
joe rogan
Do you really think they don't want people to know that?
Or people are just ignorant?
I think they don't even have to work hard at not having people know that.
People are just pretty ignorant.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, I agree with that.
joe rogan
I think there's also, as time goes on, people are just getting more and more Aware of the effect that your body has on your mind.
They used to think it was pretty separate.
Especially when I was growing up, I think people, often times very intelligent people, would look down upon physical exercise because they thought that physical exercise was a vanity thing.
And then you had two schools of thought, or two types of people.
You had people that were brain people, that were concentrating on thinking, and they were concerned with the deeper, more intellectual aspects of life.
And then you had people that were more physical people, that were just trying to look good for the gym, pump their biceps up, and go, fuck, and yeah, with my six pack, yeah.
But they were dummies.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
I think now people realize that there's a connection between the mind and the body and also there's a discipline aspect to exercise.
Nobody wants to exercise for the most part.
You want the results but it's difficult to get yourself to exert energy and that discipline that allows you to exert energy It's hard to muster up and it is a part of your mental makeup.
To be able to muster it up, to be able to discipline yourself to work out on a regular basis actually strengthens the mind because it It exercises the discipline.
I don't think many people considered that in the past.
I don't think they thought of the discipline of, you know, activating your body, like using your mind to activate your body, that you're actually exercising almost like a muscle, like discipline is like a muscle.
tony hinchcliffe
And I think that a lot of things correlate, you know what I mean?
Like, so many people are, like, fat and depressed.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
But, and they're depressed because they're fat, and they're fat because they're not working out, and they're depressed because they're not working out.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Like, one of the most natural cures for depression is, like, going for a walk.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Or going for a jog.
Just literally, just doing anything other than sitting in one spot.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Well they've done studies that show that regular exercise is just as effective at treating depression as pills, as SSRIs.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh yeah, I totally believe that.
That's another thing that I noticed back in Ohio.
It's like everybody's depressed and they're all just getting these pills and nobody's working out.
joe rogan
There's a place for pills.
There's a place for those pills.
I think some people have a legit imbalance.
But I think there's also...
Ari Shafir is a perfect example.
Ari used to be on pills.
He was legitimately depressed.
Got on pills.
Got his life back in order, became a much happier person, then got off the pills.
He got his life in track, became much more successful, and now he's just killing it out there in the world, doing fantastic with his stand-up.
We were at a club last night, the Comics Lounge in Melbourne.
There's all these Ari Shaffir posters on the wall there.
He was in town just a little while ago, killing it.
And he's just doing great, and now he's happy.
Like, he doesn't need it.
He also says mushrooms.
Mushrooms help him too.
tony hinchcliffe
Mushrooms help a lot.
Anytime I do mushrooms, I come back and feel good for two or three months.
Two, three, four months.
joe rogan
You should do it every two, three, four months then.
I feel good all the time.
tony hinchcliffe
Probably true.
For some reason I don't.
I let the thing reload and live that stress.
I feel like it almost probably sort of helps.
I don't know, but maybe I'm wrong.
But I feel like it's like you make the muscles tense and then massage them out rather than just get a massage.
But I probably should do them once every four months.
joe rogan
When I was young, I used to think that the whole idea of being enlightened, being enlightened or achieving a more balanced, more relaxed view of the world, I used to think it would fuck up my comedy.
That if I did that, it would ruin me.
I would stop being funny.
Because a lot of comedy is kind of mean.
And a lot of comedy is like what you're creating with comedy is shitting on something.
And I used to think, well, if I just achieve peace, then I won't want to shit on things.
And if I won't want to shit on things, then I'll be shit out of luck.
As far as my stand-up goes, so fuck this.
Then as I got older, I realized that's just a crutch.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
It's definitely crossed my mind that, well, I do want to do mushrooms to feel better, but I don't want to do mushrooms because I want to be able to connect with that audience that's in the room.
And if I'm too far ahead of them...
I literally, you know, I think of everything that when it comes to my comedy, I'm always trying to protect it.
joe rogan
Yeah, if you're too kumbaya, you might, you know, you might lose your edge.
Because your edge, too, is a lot of, like, you're a great roast writer.
And a lot of roast writing is being fucking mean.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
And it's hard to do that if you're all kumbaya'd out.
It's true.
tony hinchcliffe
It's true.
But it helps.
I mean, it's crazy.
Like, my favorite stuff is always the stuff that I write when I come back a week, two, three after those trips to the desert that we take.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah, you can write some amazing shit, like, post-psychedelic experiences.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh yeah, it clears the gutters, man.
Makes everything flow better.
joe rogan
Yeah, I think the writing is...
I think there's all sorts of different states that you should write under.
I think you should write a little when you're drinking.
I think you should write a little sober.
You should write a little when you're high off pot.
You should write post-psychedelic.
Writing while you're on psychedelics is kind of pointless.
You could say things into a tape recorder maybe, but sitting down trying to write things down while you're tripping.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, and even then you forget what you felt like when you were taking the note.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
So it's like just a code and you can't really crack it anyway even though the words are there.
It's hard to go back to that feeling.
Of clarity that sometimes you see.
Like, I know for a fact there's been times where I'm out in that desert looking up at the stars and all of a sudden, like, I figure out the trick to everything.
You know, that feeling clicks in where it's like, oh!
unidentified
Oh, shit!
tony hinchcliffe
I just did it!
I just beat the game!
But then you just, like, can't exactly put your finger on what it was.
Because to describe those feelings that happen in words, it's impossible.
The words haven't been created yet.
To describe what goes on in that zone.
joe rogan
Well, describing DMT is like that, right?
Describing a DMT experience, you're just spinning your wheels.
It's wasting time.
I've read my own descriptions of a DMT trip, and I'm like, please shut up, darling.
It sounds so stupid.
Because the words, they don't exist.
The reference points don't exist.
There's no way you could possibly know what the fuck you're talking about.
You're saying something that...
You're using these noises to describe...
Like you were describing some shit like we were at the airport.
Oh, I should probably say we're not on a plane.
And I said that we were going to do one of these on a plane.
And somewhere along the line, while we were flying, I was like, eh, we'll fucking do it in a hotel room.
Probably be better.
I slept most of the time on the plane.
But when we were at the airport, going through that security line, you were talking about the Popats, the guys at the Popats you saw when you were doing DMT. I kind of get that.
I kind of see.
But if I've never done it and I heard that, I'd be like, what are you talking about?
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
I had no idea.
unidentified
Oh great, the fucking gongs are back.
tony hinchcliffe
Jesus doesn't like us talking about Pope hats.
You bring up Pope hats, the cathedral starts banging their bells.
But yeah, no, I remember, I think you said something about fractals or something, or somebody did.
Maybe it was somebody that we were with then.
I remember hearing that word, and I didn't even know what that really was at the time until...
Afterwards like oh yeah fractals like reposition like kaleidoscope like yeah, and that's exactly what It was like a kaleidoscope of Pope.
joe rogan
Have you ever seen some of those 3D renditions, like computer renditions of fractals?
It's pretty fucking amazing.
There's an amazing fractal called the Mandelbrot set, and there's some 3D renditions where they show the closer you get to these various points on this...
This fractal, the more the same patterns repeat themselves.
It looks like you're getting close to a small point, but as you get closer, it just reveals a deeper and deeper level and layer of this fractal, where it's infinite.
It keeps going on and on and on and on, and as you get closer, it just shows you it's the same thing in a smaller form, and then it goes on and on and on.
And that's the impression that you get when you do DMT, that there's this, like, Infinite series of fractals that are going on all around you.
There's no end.
You can't find an end.
The deeper you look, the deeper it goes.
That's sort of what they found about the whole universe.
They believe that as you look deeper and deeper into life, and you look deeper and deeper into the cellular level, deeper and deeper into the atomic level, Then you get into subatomic particles, and you get into this weird world of space, where it's mostly just empty air, and then there's subatomic particles that are blinking in and out of existence, and then there's things that are...
Things that they've observed that are in a superposition, which means they're both moving and still at the same time.
As you go deeper and deeper into the subatomic level, things become more and more like magic, more and more like science fiction and craziness.
Most of what an atom is is just empty space.
They're trying to understand it the deeper and deeper they go with this kind of stuff.
Many people have theorized that What we're seeing in the universe itself, like when you look at the universe and you see the empty space that's in the galaxies and space out in the infinite cosmos, that what you're seeing sort of mirrors itself inside our very atoms.
tony hinchcliffe
Can you imagine if they just kept digging and digging with a microscope and they kept going through everything and through everything and at the very end of it all there was just L. Ron Hubbard's face?
joe rogan
I told you!
tony hinchcliffe
And it was him all along.
joe rogan
I am God!
tony hinchcliffe
God works in mysterious ways!
joe rogan
Would you imagine if we got deeper and deeper into the subatomic level and we found universes?
That's what would be the ultimate trip.
If we got so...
Like, if they figured out some way...
I mean, if you look at what they could observe today as opposed to what they could observe a few hundred years ago, there's no comparison.
They have so many...
So many new, much more sensitive methods of detecting energy and detecting and recognizing structures and atoms and all this different shit.
What if it got to the point where they could detect deeper and deeper and deeper layers?
And they actually really did find that inside atomic particles, that as you go deeper and deeper, you can actually find completely independent universes that operate on a scale so minute that we can't even comprehend.
But if you could, and you got deeper and deeper into them, you would find little tiny miniature black holes, little miniature galaxies, miniature planets, and the whole thing is fractal.
And as you went into them, they believed that inside every black hole, they think that every galaxy There's a supermassive black hole at the center of that galaxy.
And that supermassive black hole is one half of one percent of the mass of the entire galaxy.
So the larger the galaxy, the larger the black hole is.
And they theorize that if you go into that black hole, you will find another universe.
So each galaxy has a black hole in it.
Inside each black hole is a totally different universe filled with hundreds of billions of galaxies, each with black holes in the center of them.
Each one of them has hundreds of billions of galaxies inside of it.
If you go through that, there's more universes, more black holes, and that's the real fractal nature of the universe, that every time you hit a galaxy, which is, in our mind, we can't even imagine how big a galaxy really is.
tony hinchcliffe
Generations from now, what it feels like is like generations...
Tens and tens, maybe a hundred generations from now, they're going to be flying through these things in little machines.
We can't fathom it now, but we're like the pirates that were coming over here on wooden ships compared to what generations, and I'm talking a lot of generations ahead of us, they're going to be flying through it.
There's going to be sports, race from one black hole to the other.
Like, I mean, we are in the wrong age.
We were born too early.
joe rogan
No, no, we're born perfect.
This is a great time.
This is a great time.
In the future, there'll be no need for comedy.
Everybody's going to be reading minds.
unidentified
We'll be fucked.
joe rogan
They'll all be enlightened.
There'll be no hypocrisies, no contradiction.
So comedy won't exist.
If we achieve a new state of enlightenment where humor is out the window, we would be fucked.
We're reaping the benefits of an unenlightened public.
That's what stand-up is doing.
We're pointing out shit that everybody should be able to see.
We're pointing out things that everybody should know.
And then we're mocking things that exist that are ridiculous.
Well, if people evolve past the state they are now, if you look at...
Primate behavior, you look at the savagery of nature, when just tooth and claw and animals just struggling to survive, and then you look at the more civilized nature of our culture today, the best aspects, when everything is working at its smoothest, usually in small groups, but in small groups and small communities, you can find some pretty peaceful existences, you know?
That will ultimately be the whole world, and then it'll get more and more peaceful, more and more civilized, more and more adapted, more cultured, more connected, more enlightened, to the point where mocking things won't exist anymore.
There'll be nothing to mock.
People will be so advanced mentally that there will be no more of a need for comedy.
So I think right now for you and I, this is a perfect time.
If we were in the future and everything was all perfect and enlightened, we'd be fucked.
And it wouldn't be fun, you know?
We're in this golden stage where there's just enough retarded shit.
Like this Paris thing.
There's just enough chaos in the world where it makes you appreciate all the cool aspects of the world.
Like if everything was cool, I don't think we'd appreciate the cool parts as much.
tony hinchcliffe
You think there's a way to combat these terrorist attacks?
It seems like if you draw Muhammad, that they get really upset, right?
That that's their big, like, oh no, don't do that thing.
So, I don't know, I'm just pitching here.
What if every time they did something like this, as a defense mechanism, CNN just put out the Muhammad cartoon.
They called in South Park South Park's guys and we're like, guys, let's do this.
Let's bring in our nuclear warfare and you make a hilarious Mohammed thing of him just getting whatever, you know, butt raped or whatever.
Like, I don't know.
Like something crazy.
joe rogan
Do you really think that would fix it?
Mocking it?
tony hinchcliffe
If, as a defensive mechanism, if they kill people.
That's the only way.
Listen, terrorists, it's me, Prime Minister Tony Hinchcliffe.
From now on, if you do an attack, if somebody said this, if you do an attack and you kill innocent people...
Every innocent person that you kill, that's going to be another two minutes, or another five minutes, of the Muhammad cartoon.
joe rogan
That might be one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard.
tony hinchcliffe
They hate the Muhammad thing!
joe rogan
Yeah, but don't you think there's a big difference between killing people and drawing cartoons?
Like, what is worse?
tony hinchcliffe
These terrorists don't seem to think so though, right?
joe rogan
They're not killing all these people in Paris because of a cartoon.
They killed a few people that were doing those Charlie Hebdo cartoons.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
I think the real problem is when people get their mind...
In a pattern.
You get your mind into some sort of a radical ideology like Islam or radical Islam.
It's super difficult to get people out of that radical ideology.
It's very, very difficult.
Very difficult to get them to rethink, to change these patterns in their mind where they go, yeah, actually, it doesn't make any sense to just go to some random death battle concert and gun people down and yell, God is great.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense.
That's crazy.
That's chaos.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
That is an evil thing to do.
And that doing this evil thing for religion, like saying you're doing it for religion, doesn't make any sense at all.
But in their mind, it's justified.
In their mind, there's a holy war going on.
These people that are completely radicalized, like in their mind, this is a good thing to do.
In their mind, this is like what you have to do.
To get back at the infidels and attack this evil empire that's invading countries or supporting this or whatever crazy...
War is going on in the world as far as the ideologies, as far as invading certain holy lands.
Like what ISIS is doing.
They're blowing up old monuments.
There's so much crazy shit that's going on in the world that's related to radical ideologies.
You'd have to figure out how to rewire their brains.
tony hinchcliffe
Can I tell you another thing I think we should do?
I think we should take guys on death row and put bombs on them and have them go into the places with the terrorists.
joe rogan
You might be the worst foreign policy advisor ever.
I want to sit you down with all these five-star generals that are in these fucking smoky rooms plotting the future.
What do you want to do?
Well, I want to take Jared from Subway, strap bombs to him, and send him over to...
Well, why would he do that?
I didn't think of that.
Well, why would Jared keep walking?
Why would he detonate?
Is he going to know he's going to blow up?
He's not going to tell them?
tony hinchcliffe
Alright, maybe we put them in, we take these guys and we put them in cars that are on remote controls.
joe rogan
Google cars.
tony hinchcliffe
Drones, yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, there you go.
They just killed that jihadi John guy.
They killed that guy with a drone.
He's that guy that was a rapper.
He was a rapper in England, and he joined ISIS. And he's been killing people and beheading them, allegedly.
You know, there's the black helicopter squad that believe that this is all bullshit.
tony hinchcliffe
There was a rapper in ISIS? Yeah.
unidentified
Vanilla ISIS? Oh, jeez.
tony hinchcliffe
Son of a bitch.
That's the thing that I'll end up getting death threats for out of this.
joe rogan
You can't help yourself with that, can you?
tony hinchcliffe
No.
joe rogan
With puns?
tony hinchcliffe
No, when I hear a funny word and it's a right setup and I think there's just one chance for it.
The funny thing is I never do them on, like I'm known for them, but I never do them on stage.
With my stand-up, like, I would never do that.
But I love making them in person.
I just love comedy, you know what I mean?
I'm terrible at impressions, but, God, they crack me up.
Like, there's nothing that I don't love about comedy.
And a lot of comedians are like, oh, fuck, a pun, you know, I hate puns, but it's like...
joe rogan
You like puns, even though you don't use them on stage.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
You like it, it's like...
tony hinchcliffe
And I think everybody does.
I think there's a war on puns right now.
unidentified
Because...
joe rogan
A war on puns.
tony hinchcliffe
Because everybody wants to complain about puns, but it's like, everybody laughs so hard.
Like, a good pun hits harder than almost anything.
joe rogan
I laugh at puns.
I laugh at your puns, because they're so ridiculous.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
But it's almost like a reluctant laugh, like, oh, you son of a bitch.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, but sometimes they're like, you know, Jedi puns, you know what I mean?
That are just like, how the...
Fuck, did you think of that that quick?
joe rogan
Well, you, like, take pride in grabbing them as quickly as they can.
Like, the puns come out of the event.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
And you just grasp them as quick as you can.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
My brain does not think in puns at all.
tony hinchcliffe
It's definitely a different muscle.
Like, it's hard for me to think of a pun and be intellectual at the same time.
Like, it's definitely, like...
It's like that thing where, like, rubbing your head and your stomach at the same time but going different directions, you know?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
People can't do it.
tony hinchcliffe
Because I have...
I have...
I've noticed that, because you have to listen to do that thing, and you sort of have to be ADD at the same time to do a pun.
Since this isn't a video podcast, I'll tell you, Joe's trying to do the hand on the head.
joe rogan
I did it, though.
I'm rubbing my head in two different directions, and my stomach in two different directions.
I go back and forth and back and forth.
Yeah.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's a different muscle.
The pun muscle is definitely a different muscle.
But it's also a different comedic instinct.
We were talking about guys who get trapped in certain patterns of comedy.
You get trapped in an act.
All you do is this style of comedy.
And then when you have that sort of trap, it kind of fucked you up.
We were talking about guys who are like...
Only do, like, evil type comedy, or they only do this type comedy.
They only have, like, they have an act they do where it's a persona they adopt.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
Like a Larry the Cable guy or an Emo Phillips or something like that.
tony hinchcliffe
Or, like, a one-liner guy.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
That goes slow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
And that you get stuck.
Right.
When it's done right, it's awesome.
Like a Stephen Wright or someone like that.
You know the best one ever, I think, was Mitch.
Hedberg was the best.
Because he was so prolific.
His mind worked in that way.
His style of comedy worked in these non-sequitur, one-liners, where he could just, one after another, have these totally unrelated things.
tony hinchcliffe
Unbelievable.
You know, I was thinking of him.
I just told you about that Amy Winehouse documentary that blew my mind to shreds.
And I was thinking about him doing it because...
unidentified
Heroin.
tony hinchcliffe
Heroin, and the art that Amy Wine, she was always very genuine, like a real artist, and always wrote only her own stuff, and you can tell through her work.
It was really actually amazing, and they show you through this documentary.
And then something happens.
She was always a heavy drinker, always quite the party, or like a rock star, you know what I mean?
But then when she started doing heroin, because this guy that she was with was into heroin, the lyrics and the songs...
We're a whole other level.
I mean, we've seen it a bunch of times, but I mean, it really went to another level.
And it made me think of Mitch Hedberg because...
There's something with that drug, or, I mean, I'm not taking anything away from Mitch, because he's the one that did it, but it just can't be coincidence that these people on heroin are able to tap into some super, super mechanism.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Because who would have guessed that anybody would come out better than Stephen Wright at that thing?
Like, you watch Stephen Wright, and ten minutes in, I'm like, how is he going to fill an hour with this?
unidentified
Right.
tony hinchcliffe
It seems impossible.
unidentified
Right.
tony hinchcliffe
And then I agree with you completely that Mitch came in over the top.
And how's that possible?
How could Mitch Hedberg not just see Stephen Wright and go, well, I gotta figure out something different to do, because there's no way I'm gonna be able to do that better than that guy.
I mean, Stephen Wright was the man.
But my goodness, if he didn't do it, and there's something about those jokes, if you just look at them just written out, like, sometimes I'll see, like, a meme with Mitch Hedberg on it, and I'll end up staring at that.
And I'm not a meme guy at all, but I'll end up staring at that little tiny thing, which were all the original tweets, by the way.
Mitch Hedberg was the original Twitter guy.
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah.
Like, think of that banana joke that I love so much.
Which one's that?
It goes...
Somebody asked me if I want a frozen banana.
I said no, but I want a regular banana later, so yes.
It's a perfect Twitter joke, and it's so ridiculous.
It's also a joke that if you looked at it on paper, maybe it wouldn't be a good Twitter joke unless you knew Mitch Hedberg's voice.
Maybe then it would be a good Twitter joke because you knew how he does jokes.
tony hinchcliffe
I still think it'd be great on Twitter, but that is another thing.
You have a great point there.
When you factor in his timing and beats, which also, I think, plays into the heroin thing.
You look at all the rock stars and all that, and...
Most of them seeming more like...
I feel like it's more of an acoustic type of drug, if that makes sense.
More like Nirvana and Winehouse, who was very jazzy.
There's types of tones.
And I just feel like there's a direct crossover.
I feel like Hedberg really was like...
God, was he dialed in.
Because that voice and that timing...
Really timing and pacing is the trick.
He could have had any accent and any voice, but...
When you decide to start that next line after a period in between spaces is so important in comedy.
I think people really don't know that.
I think they think that you could say a joke in any way, but it's really like...
There's just guys...
Look at Joey Diaz and Sebastian Maniscalco.
I mean, everybody, really.
It's all down to timing.
But sometimes you can really see it.
joe rogan
Well, I think what you're saying is that they find their voice.
They find their rhythm.
And then their comedy...
Even though maybe you and I would look at it on paper, the premise on paper, and go, how is that fucking funny?
But Sebastian has such a way with being Sebastian that he makes things that...
It's hard to figure out what is the ungraspable quality of what he's talking about that's uniquely funny in his voice.
You find that, whatever it is.
tony hinchcliffe
That's through practice, too.
Since we're talking about the on-paper thing, you said the Hedberg thing.
And, like, that's pretty funny on paper, but now if you really, like, broke down, like, if you were reading a Joey Diaz, like, on paper, what's up, you cocksuckers?
You gotta eat the yolk!
unidentified
You can't eat the whites!
tony hinchcliffe
Eat the yolk, you cannot eat the whites.
Like, it's like, it wouldn't make, it wouldn't be funny at all on paper, but you give him the, you gotta, you...
You know what I mean?
It's just so passionate and it's all timing there.
So when there is a something on paper, when he does hit one of those written things, it's just boom.
joe rogan
Isn't that also a weird thing about comedy?
You gotta figure out what is funny.
In your mind.
How is it funny through your voice?
And the only way you figure that out is by doing comedy over and over and over and over and over again.
You've got to get to this point where it kind of makes sense to you.
You figure out how to do it.
That's so hard to figure.
You could never look at a guy like Mitch Hedberg before he ever did stand-up.
And go, I know what you should do.
You'll never get it.
It's not like anything else.
It has to be this unique combination of his personality, his insight, his timing, his experience on stage, and his willingness to sit down and write shit out as much as possible.
His act is all writing.
It's all writing.
Whereas, like, a guy like Sebastian, it's all performing.
It's all things, you know, both very funny, but it's figuring out what it is about the way you're sitting around looking at the world.
How is it funny coming out of your head?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, it's interesting.
The more and more that I do this, the more and more that I do stand-up, and it's been, in May, it'll be nine years, and The more and more that I do it, the more and more that my newest material, my most recent stuff, is always the best stuff.
And I'm writing...
I'm not writing as much.
As I was years ago, because I'm just writing more good stuff, if that makes sense.
I'm writing less extra stuff, and I guess I'm writing the same amount of stuff, but I'm having more good stuff because I'm writing more in that voice.
I'm starting to figure out what that is.
Even down to the physicalities, for example, that I do, because I barely move on stage.
I'm pretty stabilized and sort of...
joe rogan
Pretty stationary, right?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, very stationary.
Sometimes I'll tuck my arm behind my back.
Maybe I'll switch my shoulder levels to the left, to the right, to the middle.
I'll move that around a little bit.
But I'm very stationary, unordinarily stationary, I feel like.
And however, you know, one of the things that I do is sometimes I'll rattle off things and I'll count on my fingers and I'll point some way.
Just nothing too crazy, but little things.
And those are always, you know, when I use that divisively, It has to work.
So I have their brain sort of trained now.
And it's just something that happened naturally.
Because I don't really talk with my hands a lot and stuff.
But when I do talk with my hands, I want it to be like thunder, you know what I mean?
joe rogan
Have you ever noticed that Joey never takes the mic out of the stand?
tony hinchcliffe
It's amazing.
joe rogan
He puts the mic in the stand.
He leaves it in the stand.
And I think part of that is he wants both of his hands free.
Because he talks with his hands so much.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
He doesn't want to be trapped holding that microphone.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
And his physical stuff, like, involves the mic stand.
Like, he'll hang on to the mic stand during his physical stuff.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, I love it.
And when he lifts it up and slams it down real quick, it's just like, you know he's killing it.
joe rogan
He's kind of always done that, too.
He's always, for the longest time at least, not taking the mic out of the stand.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
I always have respected that tremendously.
I always take the mic out of the stand, but I love, love, love the fact that, you know, that it's possible to just have that kind of...
joe rogan
Did Rodney take the mic out of the stand?
tony hinchcliffe
I don't think so.
No, I can't picture him holding a microphone.
Huh.
joe rogan
I kind of see a similarity there.
Using the hands.
Joey did.
But everybody else does.
You do.
You take it out of the stand.
I do.
Ari does.
Duncan does.
We all have our own way.
If I had to do a whole set with the mic in the stand, I'd feel so weird.
tony hinchcliffe
I always think it's weird.
I didn't notice this until recently, but a lot of those late night sets, they don't have a microphone or mic stand.
Have you ever done any of those?
joe rogan
No.
tony hinchcliffe
Had to go no hands?
joe rogan
I don't think so.
Maybe I have.
tony hinchcliffe
You keep the mic in the mic stand.
Or no.
joe rogan
I take it out, but I'm trying to think, have I ever done that?
Have I ever done a late night show where I didn't use a mic?
I don't know.
If I did, it was so long ago.
tony hinchcliffe
I don't know what I'd do.
I mean, what am I going to do?
Stand there with my hands on my hips and arms crossed?
You can't do that.
Like, oh, hello everybody.
joe rogan
Yeah, well also you can't modulate your voice.
In the microphone the way you can when you're holding a microphone or if it's in the stand.
Like you can talk closer to it to get louder.
You pull away to get softer.
You can modulate.
You can change it and adjust it on the fly.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Did you ever see Chris Titus?
I don't know if he still does it, but he has one of them Bobby Brown setups where he's like a teleconferencer.
It's a little microphone that comes, he's got a headset, and the microphone comes down to the corner of his mouth and he talks like that.
tony hinchcliffe
That shit creeps me out.
joe rogan
That's a weird choice.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's a weird choice for a comedy club.
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, why would you want to have the same headset as like a TED Talks or like, you know, it's just too like telecommunicated.
unidentified
Well, his thing is different.
joe rogan
His style of comedy is different.
His style of comedy is more like a performance piece.
I asked him how he writes, and he writes all of it out before he ever does it.
He has a theme.
Like, this is his theme, and he writes his whole set.
He writes this theme out, and then he performs at almost like a one-man show, more than like a stand-up comedy show.
And maybe having one of those headsets makes people feel like they're at a different sort of thing.
Like, oh, he doesn't even have a microphone in his hand like a regular comedian.
He's got this whole thing where he's got a little headset on with a loop that comes down by his face, and I see that little loop, and oh, and it might maybe...
It kind of puts you in a different mindset as a person watching it.
I'm watching a theatrical presentation as much as I'm watching stand-up.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
I know that when I see that headset to grab the remote and change the channel.
That's what the headset tells me psychologically.
unidentified
What do you think?
joe rogan
Do you think pretentious?
tony hinchcliffe
Oh yeah, totally.
Who's trying to reinvent?
I think there's something so cool about taking the mic out of the mic stand the same way Eddie Murphy did in Raw and Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip and all that stuff.
That's the magic.
That's what's amazing.
That mic and that mic stand is all we need.
That stool, that is it.
That is it.
Maybe there's a bottle of water out there.
Maybe there's a towel.
Maybe there's...
It's about it.
And that's it.
And that's what I love about it.
You take that away, then you have the same stage that's there in the middle of the day.
When no crowd's there, there's no magic.
I always love that feel, that vibe.
I even like sound checks.
Sound checks give me the chills.
When there's nobody out there and you just see the mic in the mic stand that's going to be used that night.
Like that instrument of death just standing there.
But an empty stage is sort of just sad to me.
I mean, what, then he just has the stool or something?
Like, I don't even know.
I'm not into that.
He seems like the kind of guy that would have, like, wacky backgrounds, too, in his specials.
joe rogan
Like, maybe his name in giant block letters.
tony hinchcliffe
Right, and, like, memories from his childhood are back there and stuff.
unidentified
Oh, no.
tony hinchcliffe
Like, kid pictures.
joe rogan
Oh, no.
unidentified
Oh, no.
joe rogan
And then he moves over towards that section where he's talking about certain things.
Well, when you have that headset on, I expect you to be giving some sort of a motivational Anthony Robbins type speech.
How do I invigorate my staff?
How do I get my employees as enthusiastic as I am?
Well, that's a good question.
And he's pacing back and forth.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
I don't know anything about Christopher Titus.
That's what's crazy.
I've made friends with so many comedians and worked with so many people and met and this and that.
I don't know anything about him.
And I attribute a lot of that to the headset style that he has.
I think we come from two totally different sides of the spectrum.
I'm just guessing.
I don't even know what he talks about or anything about him, but I'm guessing him and I are two different schools.
joe rogan
I don't know.
You'd probably have to go see him.
I haven't seen him live in a long fucking time.
tony hinchcliffe
I feel like Gallagher used one of those, right?
joe rogan
I think so.
Yeah.
Yeah, he had to.
He's smashing shit with a watermelon.
With a hammer, rather.
If you're using that giant sledgehammer, you have two hands and a sledgehammer, you have to have a headset.
Right?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
I wonder if he had wires.
unidentified
Because when he was doing it, man...
joe rogan
Dean Del Rey was telling me about the guy who invented the wireless headset or the guy who invented the wireless microphone.
He had him on his podcast and Dean knows the guy and apparently it took the guy like a decade or more to figure out how to do it right.
tony hinchcliffe
Things still almost never work.
unidentified
I think you should still get back to the drawing board on it.
tony hinchcliffe
Because that shit always gives out.
I hate wireless mics.
They're just not as much fun as ones with cords.
joe rogan
They work pretty flawless.
I had to do one today.
I used one today at the Wayans.
That was a wireless mic.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yeah, but that's a big, big top, you're at the top level of production there.
And plus that mic, they have enough battery in that thing, and the thing you did wasn't that long, you know what I mean?
joe rogan
Right, right, right.
tony hinchcliffe
They have that all juiced up with a double backup, and a pipe, they have one shot at it.
Everything else.
joe rogan
They changed the battery.
When we're doing a six-hour show, they changed my battery for my battery pack because I have a wireless battery pack.
I have a wireless mic that is in my ear.
So when I am going into the Octagon, I have a backup, like a battery that's in the microphone.
And I also have batteries that are in The receiver, where there's an earpiece.
So the production can talk into my ear.
They'll say things like, we have a replay for you.
If you want to go to that, let us know.
Or we'll follow your lead.
They'll say things like that.
Maybe I'm talking to someone about something particularly interesting that happened during the fight.
And they'll tell me, we're about to show it.
Or, a lot of times, fighters are rambling.
About their sponsors, thanking Allah or fucking Moses or whatever.
They'll say to cut them off, cut them off, cut them off, cut them off.
Which I can only do so much.
But those batteries, they change those batteries at least once during the course of the UFC. They put a fresh one in the beginning and then change it halfway through.
tony hinchcliffe
There's just simply never as many problems with wires as there are with wireless.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Except the Comedy Store, the microphone the other day, the wire was falling out at the bottom.
tony hinchcliffe
The Comedy Store, once every few months that happens.
So many comedians are dropping the mic and trying to use it as a prop.
It's craziness there.
People are so desperate.
joe rogan
Well, it's also that mic gets used by all the open micers doing potluck, too.
So it gets used by, you know, 20 people that have maybe never even held a mic before every Monday.
tony hinchcliffe
What were you saying, though, about the guy that invented the wireless mic?
joe rogan
Oh, Dean Del Rey had him on his podcast.
And Dean was explaining to me how long this guy worked to develop that and how fucking rich this guy is now.
This guy owns like the most expensive house in San Francisco.
He has some crazy castle that he built just from the money that he made from the wireless mic.
I will let Dean explain it.
I wish I could remember.
If you just Google Dean Del Rey's Let There Be Rock or Let There Be Talk, that's his podcast, right?
He's got an episode somewhere in there where he talks to the guy who invented the wireless mic and the guy explains it.
But what a freakout that is.
The guy figured out how to make a frequency that you can tune into in a building.
I think you said the Rolling Stones were the first ones to use it.
But then once they started using it, everybody wanted to use it.
unidentified
Like, wait, what?
joe rogan
Like, the guitar is not connected to wires?
What the fuck?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know, and then they have to have a different frequency, obviously, for the guitar than they do for the other shit that's going on.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
A few different frequencies that are floating around the air, like radio signals.
tony hinchcliffe
I like the wires, man.
I think it gives us a feeling of stability and connection and...
I don't know.
There's something about losing the particles of art in the air that just seems risky to me.
It really does.
Like, I mean, there's just so few problems with the wired mic.
You know, there's that on-off switch, and there's a button there, and sometimes when you're performing, you feel it against your thumb.
You're like, whoa, that's close, and you gotta, like, turn it.
That's, like, one more problem that we need up there.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
That is just, like, a little, you know...
And sometimes it is off, by the way, because I go out there first sometimes, and every once in a while, there's nothing crazier than you on this side mic going...
Melbourne, what the fuck is up?
And the place just goes, yeah!
And you bring me up, the golden pony, Tony Hinchcliffe, and I walk up, and it's like a 15-20 second walk to the mic sometimes in these big venues, and you grab the mic, and you're like, what's up, Melbourne?
And you realize that the power's not on, and then you have to hit the button.
Dude, it happens like 5 or 10% of the time.
unidentified
Ugh.
tony hinchcliffe
I don't make a deal about it or complain about it, but when there's a wireless mic, five to ten percent of the time, that's the ratio I'm giving for this, there's a problem.
Normally they're not turned on in the beginning.
It's like the easiest thing that everybody forgets to do.
And then I'm stuck.
I know how to turn all those on, by the way, from that.
I never owned one of these mics or took a class.
You end up finding out where every button is on every mic.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
With three, four, five thousand people watching and they don't even realize.
They're like, oh, he's taking his time saying hello to us.
It's like, no, I already tried.
joe rogan
Well, they used to be the old ones had the antennas in the bottom, and if you got too close to the antenna, it would cut off.
Like, if you'd hold it too close to the bottom, they'd tell me, even in the early days of the UFC, when I would do post-fight interviews, don't grab the bottom of the mic.
You had to grab, like, or towards the top.
And I would grab it, like, with my index finger and my thumb and sort of let my other fingers relax so that I wouldn't want to grip it too tight at the bottom because I worried that it would cut off the signal somehow.
If you grab it low, like a fighter sometimes, they would take the mic from me or they would hold onto the mic as well and they would touch the bottom of it and it would cut off the signal.
Yeah, they're more problematic.
You could use cords too.
Use them as props, as part of the cord.
I had a bit that I used to do about having a girl jerk you off.
It's like trying to brush her teeth with your left hand.
They don't have the type of coordination that's developed over years and years of jerking off.
Like when a girl says, I'll just do it with my hand.
What would make you think That you could possibly be as good at that as me.
And I would do this bit where I would hold the cord with my left hand and I'd be jerking it off like a girl with a tired arm.
Like, oh my god, I have to switch hands.
And I needed the cord.
If I didn't have the cord, it wouldn't work as well.
If I needed a physical thing in my hand that I was tugging on that made more sense, then if I was doing it in the air, the bit would be like 10% less effective.
tony hinchcliffe
And plus, I feel like there's just something fun, especially when we're doing big theaters and big stages.
There's something fun about that whip, you know what I mean?
Just getting it out of the way.
I think it sort of tells the audience, I'm going to get this out of the way because I have stuff to do.
I have stuff to share with you.
You know what I mean?
Like, get this shit, and like, moving it.
I feel like that's all sort of like training the audience to sort of be like, oh, he knows what he's doing.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's getting that out of the way.
Something's about to happen.
Like, I don't know.
I feel like there's something.
I'm just pro-chord all the way.
joe rogan
How many clubs have you performed at in New York City?
tony hinchcliffe
Pretty much all of them.
joe rogan
Have you ever noticed that like a lot of the clubs in New York in particular, they have really small stages.
Really small.
The craziest was Caroline's.
Caroline's would have two different stages.
They'd have the regular stage and then they'd have the sellout stage where they would take the wings off the side and you would be in a sold out room of 300 people and they would be fucking on top of you.
I mean Literally they could touch your dick.
They could reach out and just touch you.
You're so close to the audience.
Their tables are so small and everybody's stuffed in there and I think that that style of comedy, like there's a certain type of intimacy in those clubs.
Like, stand-up New York is like that.
There's a certain type of intimacy in those clubs, because you can't move around very much.
You can't get very physical, and you almost have to talk to the audience.
You almost have to address them, because they're right in front of you.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, it's so small.
Like, I don't think people realize when they're watching, like, Louie, how small that stage is at the cellar.
joe rogan
Oh, it's tiny.
tony hinchcliffe
There's nothing there.
It's like a shoebox.
It's like really, really, really crazy small.
joe rogan
Whereas, like, even the belly room's bigger than that.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah.
Oh, definitely.
joe rogan
The OR's bigger than that.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah.
joe rogan
I think the OR's the perfect room.
tony hinchcliffe
Mm-hmm.
joe rogan
I think the original room at the Comedy Store is literally the perfect room.
I think the belly room almost might be too small, but it's a good proving ground.
It's a good place to fuck around.
tony hinchcliffe
It's a good room to get good for the OR. Yeah.
joe rogan
And then the main room is, like, the big show.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
unidentified
Da-da-da-da!
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
But the main room still...
I would take a sold out hot OR crowd over a sold out main room crowd.
Because it's OR, while it's harder, it's more fun to kill in.
I'm telling you, I had this set the other night and it's because of Joey Diaz.
Because Joey Diaz made them believe that miracles could happen.
That's what happened.
Joey Diaz made this audience think that they were at the greatest thing ever.
And I was there too.
I was in the back of the room watching him, my hands hurting from clapping.
And it fucking pumped me up, man.
And I had more fun in the OR the other day at the comedy store.
It was just, you know...
I feel like it's not supposed to be that way.
I should have had more fun in Atlanta headlining my own shows or at Oddball or whatever, but it's like there's something about that OR. It's probably because it's the first place I ever went up.
joe rogan
Well, I forgot what it was like...
When I was not there for seven years, I forgot.
I didn't, and I kind of knew there was something cool about it.
But going back, it's been a year now since I've been back, because I went back last November.
And when I went back, I was like, whoa, this place is crazy.
I forgot.
I forgot.
There's like a unique feeling in that room.
Because that was Ciro's nightclub, and because of how many people died there, and How much crazy shit has gone on in that room?
Think about how much performing has been in that building.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah.
There's nothing like it anywhere because it's been every day of the year from 9 till 2 in the morning.
Every day of the year.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Every day of the year.
Like, unless there's some crazy thing that's going on.
They only closed for one day after that shooting.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And even...
Oh, I guess they stopped that show when it happened.
Yeah.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
But...
joe rogan
I mean, Christmas, New Year's, Hanukkah.
tony hinchcliffe
Those are big days.
joe rogan
Rosh Hashanah.
tony hinchcliffe
Big days for them.
joe rogan
Every day.
Every day.
Seven days a week.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
365 days a year.
And it's the, like Mitzi used to call it, the home for misfit toys.
The island of misfit toys, that's what she used to call it.
tony hinchcliffe
I think about that a lot.
You know, we were just talking about the hauntings.
Last night at the comedy store.
And yeah, I think that it could have to do with all the people that have gotten killed there.
But I think there's also something to be said about that being a building in which every night there's this burst of energy for five or six hours.
And then, ooh, back down to complete silence to where you can hear a roach...
On the other side of the building, walking across the main room stage, you know what I mean?
like it gets so quiet there and then what 16 hours later blah blah every room filled to the gullets with human beings for 5 or 6 hours and then boom like that doesn't happen anywhere you know what I mean Yeah.
joe rogan
They're fucking gone again.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Ding dong, ding ding ding ding dong.
It's a shitty non-melodic tune too.
You hear that?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, they used to really, like, fucking...
Music used to suck.
All they had were these six church bells.
joe rogan
You know what's amazing is that they figured out how to write music down, and you could recreate it.
Like, da-da-da-da!
Like, they figured out how to write that down.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
And you look at sheet music, which I can't read, but people who can read it, they look at that and they can perform something that was written down way before things were ever recorded.
Like, music was ever...
Like, they didn't figure out how to record music until, like, what?
What was it, like, the 1800s or the 1900s?
Whatever they figured out the first phonographic record.
It was probably, like, the early 1900s or the late 1800s, whatever the fuck it was.
Whenever they figured out how to record an album, you know, on wax, think about how long they wrote stuff down that you could recreate.
But, like, you couldn't recreate, like, songs, like, as far as, like, how someone could sing.
Like, if you think about the difference between the way Amy Winehouse sings and the way, you know, fill in the blank, you know?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Any other, you know, Barbra Streisand sings or...
Aretha Franklin sings, you know?
We looked at Aretha Franklin, like, how could you ever recreate that on paper, where you could understand, you better think, think!
unidentified
Think about what you're trying to do to me!
joe rogan
You never could ever, you know, you never nail James Brown.
unidentified
Ow!
Get on up!
joe rogan
You could never figure out how to relay that to people without them actually hearing it.
tony hinchcliffe
Makes you wonder what we missed.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
Singing and all that stuff.
Well, you know, that's one of the things I'm listening to is Dan Carlin Hardcore History Podcast.
And part of it is about Herodotus and how Herodotus, the way he would write history, was so theatrical and there was so much...
Flavor to the way he wrote things that they think that part of it was what he wrote was meant to be performed.
That it was not just a written thing that was meant to be read, but it was meant to be performed in these theatrical presentations.
And that's how they used to relay history.
Which is why it had so much flavor to it.
It was designed to rope people in that were watching it.
They were probably fucked up on homemade wine and you know.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
And those amphitheaters, those places that they had developed where they would have like a flat surface on the ground and these like tiered stairs all around them and they would have to project their words!
Like all that style of acting was all based on having to project so that people could hear you.
That sort of flavored how early acting was.
A lot of early acting was very over the top!
And a big part of that was because they had to hear you in the back of the room.
Didn't have microphones.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And now a lot of the best stuff is the opposite.
Like, I feel like a lot of my favorite actors are, like, very, very, very chill.
Very, very mellow.
joe rogan
Oh, yeah.
Well, you think about what you can get done with, like, a quiet voice now that you could never do before.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
You know?
With the smoldering that you could do now that you could never do before.
tony hinchcliffe
And the HD, like, you can really see their face and the way that they...
If they're upset or they're sad or anything, and now acting I feel like has been, you know, so amplified.
joe rogan
Yeah, it's really interesting what they've been able to do as far as broadcasting and recording people's movements and people's talking.
Well, even in martial arts, like we're going to go see the UFC tomorrow.
I'll tell you, man, when I was young, watching people much better than me fight and watching them kick and watching them perform techniques made me understand how to do them correctly because I could watch them.
You had to be around these guys to watch them.
Like when I was a kid, I used to study tapes.
At the time, it was like VHS tapes.
But it was like one of the first times that people had VHS tapes to study.
It was in the 80s.
Because before that, you had to have like a projector.
You had to get like a projection.
Like Mike Tyson used to watch old films at Customato's house.
He would go down, he would operate one of those reel-to-reel projectors, and watch old films of people fighting.
And he learned from their movements, like how to mimic and how to imitate those movements, and how to learn from those movements.
And now, you could just go to YouTube, you could find something...
Like, fighters today in the UFC, they have such a massive advantage of being able to mirror and imitate and...
Sort of recreate the movements of great fighters.
Because you could see how they do it.
You could watch every Anderson Silva fight that he ever had in the UFC. Anybody could watch him.
And you could see what he was able to do and how he moved.
tony hinchcliffe
It almost seems like we're at the point almost where like...
I don't know.
Decades from now, fighters will be able to spar 3D with their opponent coming up that they're actually going against in the octagon.
joe rogan
Oh yeah, definitely.
tony hinchcliffe
That they're gonna get their real effects and real moves, like what they do, the kicks, the angles, that you can just practice with that stuff.
Yeah, you'll have holograms.
joe rogan
You'll have holograms.
Maybe you could wear a suit, and when that person hits you in the hologram, you'll feel some sort of an impact.
Not to the point where it'll hurt, but you'll be aware of when they connect it on you, and maybe when they connect on you, their holographic image will respond as if they actually hit you.
They won't kick through you.
They'll kick up until the point where it touches you, and you'll feel it on your chest like you'll have some sort of a suit on.
That's totally...
Within the realm of possibility for the future when technology advances.
Virtual reality too, man.
Virtual reality is going to be so fascinating.
What they're going to be able to do with movies, you're going to be able to watch 3D movies where you put a virtual reality headset on.
And you're going to be immersed in the movie.
You'll be able to go through a crime scene and look down at the body and look down at the person who's trying to cover up the evidence and look out the window and see the cops pull up.
Holy shit!
You're going to be a part in the actual movie itself.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
All these different ways to experience it.
Instead of being able to experience a movie in a flat, sort of a two-dimensional way, where you're forced to watch the scene as the director had laid it out, you're going to be able to change and alter the scene yourself by your own perspective.
You can decide to stand on a chair in the scene.
You know, and look at it from up above or get down on your knees and like look down at the body, look down at the murder weapon or look down at the grass these people are playing in.
You're going to be able to manipulate your perspective and it'll change how you enjoy a film.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Makes me want to start writing one like that.
joe rogan
Yeah, man.
tony hinchcliffe
I like that thing you just started.
Like it's like, you know, it almost, yeah.
joe rogan
Well, like a three-dimensional game, like if you play a game, like Quake or Unreal or some 3D shooter, where you're going down these hallways, you can pause at any time and look at the ground, look at the walls, and it becomes like an interactive thing.
And instead of, and it's still obviously a work of art, it's still, when you're playing a game, like if it's not an interactive game, or if it's not rather a multiplayer game where you're playing against another person, If it's just you versus the computer, you're still choosing how to approach it and how to interface with the game.
You could pause if you like.
You could stop and not move forward.
Or you could run.
Or you could go left or you could go right.
You could choose.
And you're choosing how you interact with this piece of art.
Like a video game is really a piece of art.
You're kind of choosing how you connect to it.
You know, I think that's very likely going to be the way we experience movies.
You're going to be able to choose how you interact with it.
But then the problem with that is, then it won't be, like a film won't be something that you really necessarily would enjoy watching it with other people.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
Like at a movie theater.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
It's going to be so different if you have a virtual reality headset on.
tony hinchcliffe
It's true, but I think watching movies with people is way overrated.
joe rogan
Do you?
tony hinchcliffe
When's the last time you went to a movie theater by yourself?
I bet it's been a while, right?
joe rogan
Long time.
tony hinchcliffe
Long time.
I never even thought about it.
Again, maybe it's just a Midwest thing where it's like, you don't go to a movie by yourself.
Like a freak?
Crazy.
Yeah, exactly.
What are you?
What are you, a school shooter?
You don't go to a movie by yourself.
But, man.
I mean, there's...
And, you know, I love my girlfriend.
She's amazing.
She loves movies.
And we go and we see movies.
But there's something about going by yourself.
And you just have both armrests and you're And there's just no distractions.
joe rogan
No one's touching you and asking you questions.
tony hinchcliffe
When's the last time somebody whispered something in your ear at the movie theater and you said, thank you for that information.
Like, I'm really grateful for that information.
I wouldn't have known that or noticed that had you not...
You know?
A movie is supposed to, like...
You're supposed to have your own take on it.
You know what I mean?
Like...
Quentin Tarantino said with Pulp Fiction that he wanted everybody that saw that movie to have seen a different movie.
To think that something else happened and miss a part and have everybody almost have a different DNA for that movie.
He didn't want two people to see the same thing.
And it makes sense completely for that movie.
And like, I don't even like anybody else in the movie theater.
Not to mention somebody next to me.
joe rogan
The worst is people talking.
tony hinchcliffe
Well, the worst to me.
I mean, I hate talking.
That's way out of line.
But there's something about putting your feet on the chair in front of you.
You only do that if that chair is empty.
unidentified
Right.
tony hinchcliffe
If somebody's sitting in that chair in front of you, you can't put your feet on it.
It's like the same thing with an airplane.
joe rogan
If you do, you're an asshole.
There's some people that do put their feet on other people's chairs, and it's super rude.
tony hinchcliffe
Well, you can feel that in a movie theater.
They give you that two-inch push to where you could sort of lean back.
So you feel it every time, like big time.
So then you're watching a movie, and shit's serious, and all of a sudden now you're thinking about What kind of shoes the person behind you is wearing.
Or like, if they're even wearing shoes.
Or this and that.
And how out of line that is to do that at a movie theater.
Like, it's so out of line.
And by the way, popcorn.
How did that become the thing at the movie theater?
I know it sounds like a hacky, like, premise.
But how did that become the theater food?
joe rogan
Because it's delicious and it's a good snack.
tony hinchcliffe
It's a good snack.
I don't know if I'd give it delicious.
joe rogan
With butter and salt?
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, the first few bites.
They get you with that.
unidentified
Correct.
tony hinchcliffe
Dude, popcorn's only good for about 10 bites, and then it's just a workout.
And it's the loudest thing out of everything.
joe rogan
It's not the loud, but it is loud.
It's crunch, crunch, crunch.
tony hinchcliffe
It's so loud.
joe rogan
It's not as loud as chips.
tony hinchcliffe
And every time somebody opens the door, you can hear it popping in the lobby, too.
It's loud to make.
It's loud to eat.
You can hear it when people drop it.
joe rogan
When was the last time you heard it pop in the lobby?
Where are you going to the movies?
tony hinchcliffe
The New Beverly Cinema on Beverly and La Brea.
Quentin Tarantino's theater.
They show old westerns.
joe rogan
Oh, do you go there?
tony hinchcliffe
Dude, I watched The Good, The Bad, The Ugly a few weeks ago.
joe rogan
Really?
tony hinchcliffe
With the crowd going crazy.
Crazy, dude.
joe rogan
I need to go.
tony hinchcliffe
Laughing at the funny scenes, gasping at the serious ones.
They show real old movies.
October, they just had Halloween.
They showed Beetlejuice, Night of the Living Dead.
Cool movies.
joe rogan
Chips would be worse, though, wouldn't they?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
That would be the worst.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And the bag of chips.
You're right.
Chips would be terrible.
joe rogan
This shitty fucking church keeps letting us think.
It's like a dog next door.
There's a guy named Frank Santarelli, who's a funny comic from Boston.
He was in The Sopranos.
He had a scene in The Sopranos.
He was a bartender in The Sopranos.
And he had this bit about a dog barking next door right when you think it's going to stop.
unidentified
Like...
Like right when you would think it would stop.
Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Mark.
joe rogan
That's like this fucking stupid church.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Some asshole is next door just clanging on those bells.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Some hunchback.
joe rogan
Some freak.
Did you hear about what's going on with Quentin Tarantino where the cops are boycotting him?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
They don't want to work his movies because he called them killers.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Kind of interesting.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Well, I'm pretty sure...
I'm pretty sure that, you know, first of all, they're drawing more attention to it than would have been had they not boycotted his movies.
They wouldn't be talking about Quentin Tarantino doing that.
The only thing that they're talking about is New York police boycott Quentin Tarantino's movies coming out at the end of December, by the way.
You know what I mean?
It's such a promo.
These things backfire when these people try to do this stuff.
joe rogan
But it also makes people aware that what he's saying is irresponsible, you know, to call all cops killers.
You think about how many cops and how many interactions the cops have all day long.
I mean, yeah, it is terrible when something like Sandra Bland or all these different scenarios take place where people do wind up dying at the hand of cops.
It's absolutely horrific.
But you look at the actual numbers of how many cops there are and how many interactions these cops have with human beings.
And how many different interactions happen during a day and how many times it leads to a real problem.
Those problems, for sure, are horrific and they're real issues, but overall, I mean, to label all cops killers, Or all cops murderers, or all cops like that.
It is, in a way, irresponsible, and it's easy to do.
tony hinchcliffe
Did he say all cops?
joe rogan
I don't know what his words were.
tony hinchcliffe
I don't even think he did.
I think he said something to the effect of cops have been murdering innocent people, something like that.
And for them to run with it, I mean, okay, guys, so what an imprint you're going to leave on this brand new Hateful Eight movie that's going to be...
The shit.
joe rogan
What is the movie supposed to be about?
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, God.
joe rogan
What is it?
tony hinchcliffe
Gee, it's going to be so good.
It's about, basically, the gist is sort of like Civil War.
It's sort of like Django meets Inglourious Bastards.
It's like Civil War, but really badass.
Kurt Russell.
joe rogan
Civil War, huh?
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Civil War mixed with assassins, and they kidnap someone.
joe rogan
So it's in the late 1800s?
That's when it's supposed to be taking place?
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Dude, Kurt Russell has this huge beard and this huge mustache.
joe rogan
So was he growing it for the movie or is it fake?
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, it's real.
He fucking did it.
joe rogan
I wonder how long it took him to grow something like that.
tony hinchcliffe
A long time.
They all do that shit.
They make them fucking work.
You know, Quentin, you've seen Kill Bill.
He sent them all to Japan to train in the art of the samurai sword, that entire assassination squad, the Deadly Vipers.
David Carradine, Vivica A. Fox, Michael Madsen, Uma Thurman, and...
Um, Daryl Hannah.
They all went to fucking Japan and stayed in cool little Japanese fucking, you know, condos with, like, sliding, everything was, like, super culture for them to really get in the zone.
And you can tell that they know what they're doing when they're doing their crazy shit.
Like, you can feel it in that movie, I feel like, at least.
Um...
But anyway, yeah, I mean, like, you know, those cops are gonna see that movie.
They can say they're gonna boycott it.
I mean, I would say they'd put on a fake mustache, but they probably already have mustaches.
They're gonna shave their mustaches to go sneak in, like, oh, I'm not going to see this movie.
My ass.
You're gonna miss Kurt Russell with an all-out beard in a Civil War assassin saga?
Okay, officer.
Your loss.
unidentified
Your loss.
tony hinchcliffe
You might as well just go kill innocent people if you're going to miss that movie.
I don't know what's worse, missing that movie or killing innocent people.
But I'm just a huge Tarantino nerd fan, so...
But I think everybody should be.
joe rogan
He's definitely made some fucking awesome movies.
Pulp Fiction was such a game changer.
You were watching on the way up here.
I looked over and I saw that image of the girl and the guy at the diner at the beginning of the movie where they're talking to each other right when they kiss before they rob the place.
I'm like, wow, that's like the beginning of the stitch that ties that whole crazy movie together.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, it's unbelievable.
Different time frames of all that.
You know what I mean?
When they come back to that at the end, and they're robbing the place, and Travolta and Samuel all are sitting there, By the time that that happens at the end, we know Travolta gets killed by Bruce Willis, you know, 10, 15, 15, 20 minutes before that, that Samuel L ends up retiring from the game because of the bullet holes in the wall.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
It's like all just like crazy.
joe rogan
I haven't seen that movie in a long time.
I need to go watch it again.
tony hinchcliffe
Fun fact is I was watching it without the sound on.
I was listening to music and just had my headphones off because I know every single inch of that movie so well that I don't even need to have the sound.
Like it's fun to have the sound but it's also fun to like see their lips moving and knowing exactly what's going on.
joe rogan
Yeah.
Yeah I was doing the same thing with the Lord of the Rings.
tony hinchcliffe
Did you end up watching that new Mission Impossible?
joe rogan
No.
tony hinchcliffe
It was really good.
I was really surprised.
I'm not a Mission Impossible guy at all, but this new one's great.
joe rogan
Those movies are so stupid.
tony hinchcliffe
I know, but this one was so good it was funny.
unidentified
Really?
tony hinchcliffe
There was a few times where I laughed out loud.
I was like, this is fucking impressive.
I think all those are crap.
All of them.
But this one was really well written.
joe rogan
Those movies, it's hard to get me to sign up for a Bond movie or a Mission Impossible movie because you know that Tom Cruise is going to be okay.
You know Daniel Craig is going to make it to the end of the movie.
Whatever bad guys he's facing, he's going to wind up killing.
Oh, he's almost going to die, but he doesn't.
Psych!
You know, no matter what.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, there's always one of those scenes where they're dead and then all of a sudden somebody has the paddles and they jolt them back to life.
joe rogan
What did I see recently that was like that, that I had a really hard time getting into?
Because I knew that, oh, the Martian.
I knew he was going to live.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Like, oh my god, he's almost dying.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
But he's not.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
There was no drama.
Like, when they were talking about coming back to get him, I'm like, they're going to get him.
They're going to get him.
He's going to live.
Like, oh my god, he's floating in space.
unidentified
He's got to figure out how to get to them so they can grab him and bring him on board.
joe rogan
They're going to figure it out.
There was no drama.
It's so problematic when you have a star and one individual star that is responsible for driving the whole movie.
The whole movie was based on Matt Damon getting off Mars.
He got trapped on Mars and they had to go back and get him.
Because of the fact that it was based on that, you knew he was going to make it.
You knew.
There was no real suspense.
The end of the movie was kind of anticlimactic because you knew it.
Whereas Even a movie like Alien, like the original Alien with Sigourney Weaver, you kind of knew that Sigourney Weaver was going to make it, but the way they did it was so clever and they fucking killed off everybody but her that it was okay.
It was okay because it was so chaotic.
tony hinchcliffe
I've been on a movie rampage lately and I purposefully didn't go see The Martian.
joe rogan
Really?
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, I'm like allergic to Matt Damon.
joe rogan
Why are you allergic to Matt Damon?
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, there's just something about him.
I just think he's like the most overworked, overrated, like just bland, boring.
I think Rounders would have been better without him.
I think Malkovich buried him in that movie.
He couldn't follow anything Malkovich was doing with his Oreos and all that stuff.
I think Ben Affleck's the same thing.
And I think they're like this duo of dog shit that just...
joe rogan
Too old dog shit.
tony hinchcliffe
Somehow they got this Good Will Hunting momentum and everybody's just like, yeah, they're cool because they're from Good Will Hunting.
It's like, no, I'm not buying it.
Ben Affleck's a tool.
He's not cool at all.
Matt Damon is like, you know.
joe rogan
If you want to know how much of a tool Ben Affleck really is, you have to watch him on Real Time with Bill Maher.
Watch him on Real Time with Bill Maher where he accuses Sam Harris.
I don't know if you know who Sam Harris is.
He's a brilliant intellectual.
Who's written many, many books on religion.
He's just a fucking super genius.
And he accused him of being racist for his stance on Islam, like radical Islam and fundamentalist Islam being like a really dangerous proposition, a dangerous ideology.
And he did it in such a stupid, clunky...
Like ignorant way and look so dumb and so much forced outrage while he was doing it.
Like you watch him do it, you go, oh my god, fuck this guy.
I see what he's doing.
He was totally going like social justice, brownie points, like trying to stand up for the oppressed.
And the way he did it was so awkward and loud and shouty.
It was so dumb.
It was so dumb that it instantly reveals How weak his actual argument was.
He was trying to back it up by calling him a racist.
He was trying to put him on the back of his heels.
But you can't do that to Harris, because he's a master debater.
He debates with people all the time, religious people all the time.
So when you do that, he never loses his cool.
Which made Ben Affleck look even dumber.
And then Bill Maher is taking Sam Harris' side as well, and they're both going like, I think you're missing what he's saying, and he's like, it's racist!
Oh my god, it's racist!
Look at what you're saying, it's so racist!
But it's so dumb and clunky, and it's just, you realize, like, the poor quality of his thinking, and how high he holds his own opinions.
Like, what, you know, you have to see it.
But it's so toolish.
I'll never, I mean...
I can't say I'll never respect his opinion again, but I value it so much less after watching that argument.
tony hinchcliffe
We should boycott his movies.
joe rogan
He was good in Gone Girl, though.
Did you see Gone Girl?
tony hinchcliffe
He was good in Gone Girl, but you know what?
I think that was just an extremely well-written, well-directed movie that easily could have slipped Kevin Spacey in there, and it's like 20% better.
He's too old.
joe rogan
He's too gay and fat, too.
You'd have to have someone younger and handsome.
But yeah, you could have Jake Lillenhall probably would have crushed it.
tony hinchcliffe
Totally.
Much better performance.
unidentified
Much better.
tony hinchcliffe
Because there's something about Ben Affleck where you watch him and you just know it's Ben Affleck.
He doesn't really break out of that.
You're never like, oh, I didn't even notice that was Ben Affleck.
You know what I mean?
That's that way with so many great actors.
And you're like, oh, I didn't even notice that was him.
He's so good in it.
joe rogan
Yeah, I felt like that in that, what was that movie that he did, The Town?
That was another movie.
It's like, God, anybody could have done that.
The Town movie where he plays the bank robber guy.
Remember that movie?
tony hinchcliffe
No.
joe rogan
Him and his buddies, they're all bank robbers from Charlestown.
Charlestown was like a real area of Boston that was filled with legit criminals.
And there were like a legit high amount of bank robbers that came out of this one area.
unidentified
Hmm.
joe rogan
But he's done a bunch of those Boston movies, too.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
That's where Good Will Hunting was.
tony hinchcliffe
I love what South Park does with Matt Damon.
Like, they just...
Like, retarded.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
But he's not stupid, so it's so funny when they do those, like, when they did Team America, World Police, and he's like, Matt Damon!
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Made him so stupid, but he's not stupid.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, I love it.
unidentified
Oh, I love it.
tony hinchcliffe
I think those guys are crap.
Just crappity crap crap.
joe rogan
Yeah.
They're an interesting duo.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
I don't know.
joe rogan
It's hard to be an actor and not be a douchebag and full of shit.
Just to make it through the ranks.
To get to a position where you're an actual movie star and all the dicks you've sucked along the way.
Figuratively.
Not literally, necessarily.
tony hinchcliffe
Like Christian Bale, he yelled at those people and stuff.
But you know what?
Sorry!
He's fucking good.
He's fucking good.
joe rogan
Well, not only that, the guy's distracting him in the background while he's in this really important emotional scene, and you want to shame him by recording that as if he's an asshole, but guess what?
The guy who's distracting him with the lights, that guy's an idiot.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
You can have idiots like that on the set, and they do ruin things.
They do.
And if he's a perfectionist, like obviously he is, he couldn't possibly be as good as he is without being a perfectionist.
When you have someone who's irritating you like that, that's on the set, yeah, I can see him snapping.
It makes sense.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's like, you know, people are like, ooh, Christian Bale's a dick.
It's like...
joe rogan
To that guy, but we don't even know who that guy was.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
Maybe if we met that guy, we'd be like, oh, you're a fucking moron.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, or else maybe we'd be hearing more of these clips of Christian Bale yelling at innocent people.
Instead, there was just that one.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And it's like, you know, my patience grows a lot longer for people who I respect.
You know, I have a whole bit about it, you know, about Bill Cosby and Woody Allen, about this thing.
You can get away with stuff.
If you're talented, you make multiple hits, and you're good, you can get away with shit.
joe rogan
Well, there's obviously a point of no return for a guy like Cosby.
He can't get away with it anymore.
He stopped performing.
Remember, in the beginning, he was performing.
He had all these dates that he was doing.
While the accusations were coming out, people were still like, yelling out, we love you, Bill, we love you, Bill.
But now, even those people are like, damn, Bill's a racist.
tony hinchcliffe
Totally.
joe rogan
Racist.
He's a rapist, rather.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, I think he's going to paterno out.
You know what I mean?
I had Joe Paterno.
Yeah, something like that.
Joe Paterno, like, the week that he retired was so crazy.
Like, I just watched a 30 for 30 ESPN documentary on it.
You ever watch those?
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And it said, they were talking about how literally the day that he announced his retirement, he went home and took a bloody poop.
Next day goes to the doctor, it's like, my poop's bloody.
And they're like, yeah, your body's filled with cancer right now.
He's like, oh, okay.
Like, seven days later, he was dead.
Something like that.
unidentified
Wow.
tony hinchcliffe
He was like, so fast.
joe rogan
Well, he probably had the stress of knowing that he was harboring a child molester for years.
unidentified
Mm-hmm.
joe rogan
There's probably eating away at him.
Besides the fact that he was an old guy as it is, but you think about what kind of stress must be involved in having a guy like that that you know is fucking kids and you don't know what to do about it.
You don't know what to do because he's got this whole charitable organization where he's taking care of children and you know, you know and everybody else knows, he's fucking those kids.
And then when it comes out, the world knows that you knew he was fucking those kids, and you didn't do anything about it, and you should have, and you were a coward, and it just starts rotting you out from the inside.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, yeah.
joe rogan
Oh, my God.
It must be fucking devastating.
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, it's almost like just being as bad as the pedophile, except you don't even get to blow those loads, you know what I mean?
unidentified
I would love to...
joe rogan
That's so rude.
If Bill Cosby, say if Bill Cosby does, if it turns out that Bill Cosby has cancer and he's dying and he wants to come clean and he wants to talk about it all, I would love to have him on a podcast.
Can you imagine having Bill Cosby on a podcast before he's dying?
Just asking him, how did this all start?
What was it all about?
When did you first drug somebody?
Is it something that excited you?
Was it a convenience thing?
What was it that made you think that it's okay?
Because he has daughters, right?
I believe he has daughters.
tony hinchcliffe
I don't even know how anybody could get into something like that.
It's so interesting.
That's such a weird fetish.
Because he clearly could have just had sex with whoever he wanted.
joe rogan
Well, he clearly could have just had prostitutes.
tony hinchcliffe
Definitely.
joe rogan
He's worth so much money.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
He could have always done that, or he could have always found someone who wanted to have sex with him, but I think he liked drugging them.
It's the only thing that makes sense to me.
tony hinchcliffe
I think there's something that makes you wonder, I don't even know, I've never heard of it before, but it's like, you know, what is that?
What is that?
If that's a fetish, then why couldn't you just pay a prostitute almost to do that?
joe rogan
Yeah, but then it wouldn't really be happening.
See, I think part of it had to be that he wanted to trick those girls.
unidentified
He wanted to give them, hey, come over here and have a cappuccino.
joe rogan
And he gives them a cappuccino, and they're like, oh, you feeling sleepy, are you?
And he just pulls his cock out.
You don't even see this, do you?
And then he throws them on the bed and pulls their panties off and fucks them while they're out cold.
He must have been into that.
He must have been into the game of drugging them.
unidentified
Mm-hmm.
joe rogan
He must have been into slipping them a mickey and watching them black out.
But then he's stuck with them for hours while they try to sober up too.
How bizarre is that?
He had to be with them while they were out cold when he drugged them and he had to be willing to deal with that.
tony hinchcliffe
There's other ways he could have gone about it too.
I'm interested to know if he ever just had him come over and sat down and watch a Ben Affleck movie with him just to make him fall asleep.
Instead of drugging him, you know, just like, oh, you allergic to the Matt Damon?
joe rogan
I don't think that...
I think that a guy like that, a guy like Cosby, is probably a sociopath in some sort of a strange way, a very unique way.
An egomaniac, a sociopath, and...
It feels like he's better than people.
It feels like it's okay.
It's okay if he drugs them.
tony hinchcliffe
Remember somebody, I don't know if we can talk about this, but what that person told us in that green room that one time about him?
joe rogan
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
We could probably mention that.
joe rogan
Yeah, we could talk about that.
I've talked about it before.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, okay.
joe rogan
She said that he was at a casino and he made the security guard tuck him in.
Come to his hotel room and tuck him in.
And this was all before the allegations came out.
But not much before.
Like a few months before.
Like six months at the most.
And we were there like right when all this was breaking.
It was over a year ago.
tony hinchcliffe
See, that should have been a sign right there.
Anybody who needs to get tucked in should get investigated by the FBI, right?
joe rogan
Well, it's like, why did he want to get tucked in?
What's going on with that?
And he also wanted people to watch him eat.
Do you remember that, too?
He would have them sit down, the whole staff, like all the people that worked there, they would sit in his dressing room and watch him eat curry.
He would eat his food, and they would sit around.
They didn't interact with him.
They would just sit around and watch him eat.
unidentified
Wow.
Like, what?
tony hinchcliffe
That's some freaky stuff.
joe rogan
What a weird request.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
But I think he probably had a bunch of those weird things that he had in his mind.
Like we were at this club last night.
And someone, we don't have to mention their name, but some comedian that we know.
And they were all saying what a piece of shit the guy was.
They would never have him back here again.
But that when they got to the airport, he's like, you know, telling them to carry his luggage.
And then when people were there, he's like, don't let anybody touch me.
People come over to take my picture, don't let anybody touch me.
And then...
It's just like the weirdness of how he interacted with these people that worked there.
They're like, look, you'll never be back here again.
We'll just let you know right now.
You're never coming back here again.
They said he was the worst guy they had ever had come to their club.
But this guy, who we're talking about, had all these weird tics, all these weird things that he would do, like make people carry his stuff, things that he would do to...
To clearly establish that he was better than them.
unidentified
Right.
tony hinchcliffe
Make them sell his merch.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
Things like that.
joe rogan
Yeah, yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And that neurosis that these people have, it's so ridiculous.
Because most of the most talented people that I've met...
Drive their own car.
Carry their own bag.
All of it.
And would be insulted if somebody tried that kind of stuff.
You know what I mean?
Like, come on, give me my bag.
You know?
It's like the opposite.
Because that's simply not how success works.
There's no...
You don't get extra time to think because somebody else is carrying your bag.
Then you have more pride in the person that you're hanging out with.
Because they're carrying their bag and you're carrying your bag, you know?
It just seems like the neurosis of it all is like such an old Hollywood myth.
joe rogan
Well, it's one thing is like maybe you had two big bags and like a driver came.
Let me help you with that.
They grab one of your roller bags and ask you some credit and pull it around.
But his thing was like making everyone do the work.
He didn't want to carry anything.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
He wanted them to pick up his bags at the airport.
But I think when people demand preferential or special treatment like that, they start to think of themselves as being superior to everyone else.
Everyone else, you know, throw your rose petals on the ground so that I may walk upon them.
You know, this idea that Cosby was better than all those people that he was drugging.
He was better than all those people that were watching him eat curry.
That he was better than that guy who he wanted to tuck him in.
Tuck me in.
I'm the king.
I will lie in my bed.
And when I lie in my bed, then I want you to put the blanket over me.
And then I want you to tuck it on each side.
And I will rest.
And then you will leave.
Shut the light out.
The king is sleeping.
There's something creepy about that.
That's also the same kind of thing in some sort of a way that would allow him to have done all that horrific shit that he did, drugging those people.
Nobody's really going to understand it unless he talks about it.
Unless he comes clean and talks about it, we're never going to understand his unique...
Psychosis.
tony hinchcliffe
I'd love to know that.
What would be the first question?
joe rogan
When did you do it?
When did you first do it?
Did you see someone drug someone?
Was that a common thing?
I think slipping someone a Mickey, they didn't think of it as that big of a deal back then.
I don't think they thought of it as rape.
I think they thought they were being sneaky.
But I think it was like, you know, getting a girl, getting her a couple of drinks.
Have a couple of drinks.
Relax.
Okay.
Voluntarily, a girl has a couple of drinks.
And you know, once they have a couple of drinks, they're going to loosen up.
They're going to be a little more playful, a little more uninhibited.
unidentified
Woo!
joe rogan
Next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
I wonder.
I wonder what it was that started him down that path of drugging and raping women.
This lady was on TV and she was talking about it.
She's like, he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history.
You stop and think about it.
Like, that's fucking insane.
Bill Cosby might be the most prolific rapist in history.
tony hinchcliffe
He really could be.
45 women, at least, have accused him.
And those are the ones that have accused him.
The ones on the road, like, and he's been touring forever.
Everywhere.
He's just been going everywhere.
Chicks from Tennessee and Oklahoma, they're not gonna admit that stuff.
They don't even know what's going on.
They're not even watching the news.
They don't even know other women are coming out with it.
And people with families.
Think of how many of those ladies must have families now, and they're not coming forward.
joe rogan
Well, also, they probably don't think, what is the point in adding their own story to a 50-person story?
You're already dealing with a guy who's accused of multiple horrific crimes.
Like, if you accuse him of one more, is it going to change anything?
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
joe rogan
There's one girl, though, that it's within the statute of limitations.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, there's one girl that they're pursuing that is inside the statute of limitations and if that comes through, he might actually wind up going to jail or at least standing trial.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know how it works.
I guess she has to press charges and maybe he could bribe her.
Maybe he could settle.
That term, settling, out of court, that's just bribing someone.
That's what he did in 2005. The reason why we know about what he did was because of the deposition that they released once all these other accusations started piling up.
Then they released the results of the deposition.
So we got to know that, oh, he admitted that he gave girls quaaludes.
You know?
unidentified
I mean, you can't even get quaaludes anymore.
joe rogan
Like, this guy has some Quaaludes stockpiled.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, if they search, they probably...
I mean, they have probable cause...
joe rogan
Like, what is happening with that case?
That's what's crazy.
You don't hear about it.
For months and months and months, there's no updates.
tony hinchcliffe
Even the case has been put to sleep.
That's hell.
joe rogan
Son of a bitch.
tony hinchcliffe
I was going to make a Probable Cosby joke and didn't a minute ago, just to let you know, like, the ones that I don't say, like, those exist, too.
I don't just say everything.
joe rogan
Probable Cosby!
Oh no.
Oh no.
tony hinchcliffe
When in Rome.
joe rogan
It's like one of those things we could talk about a million times in a row.
We always just bang our head against the wall.
It's almost like you're repeating the same conversation over and over again.
Like, how could we do it?
What was it about?
The Michael Jackson thing is really similar.
You repeat the Michael Jackson thing many, many times, but he's dead.
So it makes it kind of weirder because you'll never know.
You'll never know if he really did those things or if he just got weird with those kids.
I heard a weird possibility about Michael Jackson that I've talked about before, but that he was a castrata.
tony hinchcliffe
What's that?
joe rogan
That means he had his balls removed.
You ever heard castrata singing?
You've never heard of that?
tony hinchcliffe
No.
joe rogan
Oh my god.
They would have this...
They would have young men, when they were really young, they would castrate them.
And they would castrate them with a specific purpose of making their voice sound a certain way.
You never heard of that?
tony hinchcliffe
If it ever happened, I bet it happened to him.
joe rogan
They were a type of opera singer.
They would do it on purpose.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
How crazy is that?
unidentified
That's so cool.
joe rogan
They would castrate young boys so that their sound...
They would keep a certain sound.
You wanna hear some of it?
Hold on a second.
I'm gonna grab my laptop.
Hang in there, folks!
I'm walking across...
The hotel room to grab my laptop.
tony hinchcliffe
Michael Jackson may not have had any balls.
joe rogan
Well, you think about his voice.
Like, the sounds that he was able to make with his voice.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
I believe it.
His dad probably did it.
He's the one that wanted the money, right?
joe rogan
Could you imagine if that's what he did?
Like, he had a sound when he was young, and so they castrated him so that he kept that same sound.
unidentified
Na-na-na!
I pulled this.
joe rogan
Castrata.
Castrata music.
Castrata.
Castrata.
tony hinchcliffe
Wow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
unidentified
Castrata.
tony hinchcliffe
That's insane.
joe rogan
Music.
Yeah.
Well, it's just, how insane is it that that is an actual style of music?
tony hinchcliffe
Listen to this.
I mean, the testosterone.
The testosterone clearly would affect the voice box.
Geez, I didn't know that existed.
joe rogan
Listen to this.
unidentified
That's a guy?
Yeah.
joe rogan
This is a 1994 biopic, so that might not be legit, but it's about one of the most famous castrato singers.
Here's 20 need-to-know facts about castratis.
Okay, the Vatican imported its very first falsetto singers from Spain.
It was considered preferable to have castrated boys singing high parts since girls and women were banned in the Vatican choir.
The 17th century was a bad time to be a good treble.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
The operations to remove a boy's testicles, in medical terms, was called orchidectomy, were reputedly performed by the butchers of Norica, an Italian region famous for its pork products where castration of pigs was common.
Because they castrate pigs.
They oftentimes will castrate pigs in the wild and they let them go.
And then they try to hunt those pigs because they can't breed but they eat a lot and so they get really fat.
And they don't have as much muscle.
It's a density of muscle which comes from testosterone.
So they become fat and thick and like this softer meat.
Only a tiny fraction of the children mutilated in this way even made it onto the stage.
By the early 1700s, as many as 4,000 Italian boys a year underwent the operation, which was illegal.
Of those who survived, only a fraction went on to train as opera singers, and of those, only a handful became superstars.
Being a castrato could have unexpected physical consequences The most famous castratis were trained in Neapolitan conservatories where they practiced breathing techniques for hours every day to expand their lung capacities.
As a result, adult castrati were often notably barrel-chested.
They were tall compared to normal men of their time, but they also had a shortened life expectancy.
Like, look at the images of them.
These images where they show this barrel-chested tall guy.
Like, how odd.
It's like he's got a little head and little hands with a long, tall torso.
unidentified
Wow.
joe rogan
Yeah.
This is incredible, man.
Really, so this article is...
Symphony Music, S-I-N-F-I-N-I music.com.
And it's all 20 facts, 20 known facts about castratis.
And some of them actually got married.
Poor bastards.
It's horrific, man.
And there was an actual BBC documentary.
But here's an actual castrati.
The only recording of an actual castrato is a guy.
His name is Alessandro Morisechi.
And he died in 1922. So this is an actual castrati we're gonna listen to here.
This is a real one.
The other one that we played earlier was apparently was a sort of a recreation.
unidentified
this is a real castrati here that's some haunting shit That's as scary as it gets.
joe rogan
That's a guy with no balls.
This shit's nuts Now stop and listen to this And stop and think about Michael Jackson think about how feminine he was now
Just how fucked up are people that they would even think to do this to a seven-year-old boy?
unidentified
How fucked up were the parents that let this be done?
joe rogan
Their seven-year-old boy, let him get his nuts chopped off so he can make better noise with his face.
unidentified
That's crazy.
Oh, that's scary.
tony hinchcliffe
For some reason, that's like the scariest thing that I've seen in a long time.
joe rogan
It's crazy.
tony hinchcliffe
To lose your balls without a choice and to have it done by a butcher.
I mean, my God.
I mean, think of all the things that ruins.
From now on you smell bacon and things like that.
Like, it reminds you of getting your balls chopped off.
joe rogan
No, it doesn't.
Bacon?
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, maybe you have to go into a butcher shop to do it.
It's a traumatic experience, I'm sure.
joe rogan
The traumatic part is listening to this tortured soul.
tony hinchcliffe
Oh, I know.
joe rogan
This fucking grown man who, oh my god, it's insane.
tony hinchcliffe
That's freaky.
joe rogan
It's very freaky.
It's just, it's hard to believe that people looked at human life like that.
tony hinchcliffe
I feel like this church next door keeps playing the bells every time we talk about crazy shit that the Catholic Church used to do.
joe rogan
I wonder what's worse.
unidentified
Is it the church sound, the bell's worse, or this?
tony hinchcliffe
That's worse.
unidentified
Is it?
joe rogan
That's like a tortured soul.
tony hinchcliffe
I was just going to say it.
You can really feel some kind of pain.
A pain that he didn't even pick.
It wasn't his fault.
Like he was thrown to the wolves.
joe rogan
I wonder if when they did the autopsy if they found balls.
What if they didn't find balls?
Would they tell us?
They did the Michael Jackson autopsy?
tony hinchcliffe
They wouldn't tell us shit.
joe rogan
Yeah, that's like medical information, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
They wouldn't tell us.
joe rogan
Imagine if he went to his grave like that and everybody kept their mouth shut.
Meanwhile, he was castrated when he was younger to make his voice sound better.
I guarantee you Joe Jackson knew about this.
I guarantee you.
This is not...
I mean, if I know about this and people know about this, people in the music business that actually are singers and that are a part of the industry, they definitely know about castratos.
I wonder, man.
That's just my own personal theory, by the way.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah, I mean, and Michael Jackson could definitely hit some notes.
joe rogan
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
I mean...
joe rogan
Like, what's a song?
Think of a song where Michael Jackson, like, really nailed high notes.
tony hinchcliffe
Well, I mean, when he was in the Jackson 5...
joe rogan
How about Human Nature, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
But I guess he was still a kid when he was in the Jackson 5. Right.
joe rogan
But listen, this is human nature.
This is a song from when he was...
unidentified
How old do you think he was when he did that?
joe rogan
He was a grown man, for sure.
Right?
So this is waiting for this ad to run out.
He was probably in his 30s when he came up with this, right?
unidentified
Whoa.
Yeah, I've always He doesn't sound like a man.
joe rogan
No.
unidentified
How the fuck?
joe rogan
How the fuck is that?
unidentified
I think he may have been missing some of his human nature.
joe rogan
You fucking son of a bitch!
tony hinchcliffe
Tough to look at the man in the mirror when you lose your ball.
unidentified
Ow!
joe rogan
You fucking can't stop, can you?
You can't stop.
I know, but that's the sound.
tony hinchcliffe
You ever see when he caught his head on fire in the Pepsi commercial?
unidentified
Yeah, I can scream.
Listen to this.
Tell him that I guess you won't beat you.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
Don't cry, don't cry.
I can't listen anymore.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
This is obviously just my theory.
I might have heard it somewhere, too.
I might have heard other people.
I've been thinking about this for so long, I don't know.
But when you listen to the castrato and then you hear that, boy.
tony hinchcliffe
I mean, he clearly wasn't hooking up with anybody.
I'm sorry, but the Presley girl, like, that was clearly a media blitz.
Like, King of Pop marries the King of...
joe rogan
Did he even marry her?
tony hinchcliffe
Did he marry her?
I think so.
unidentified
He kissed her, but did he marry her?
tony hinchcliffe
I thought he married her.
I thought they had like a fake kid or something together.
joe rogan
No, they didn't have a fake kid, but he definitely had fake kids with somebody else, where it turns out there wasn't even his spurn.
tony hinchcliffe
Right.
Well, it couldn't have been his spurn because his balls are in Joe Jackson's freezer right now.
joe rogan
Okay, Lisa Marie Presley.
Let's see.
Do they marriage?
The personal relationships of Michael Jackson...
Let's see.
The entertainer was said his first real date was with the child actress Tatum O'Neill when he was a teenager in the 1970s.
He called her my first love after Diana Ross.
The pair eventually cooled off, in quotes, and Jackson entered into a romance with model Brooke Shields in 1981.
Okay, what?
Although the relationship became largely platonic, Shields said there were times where he asked her to marry him.
As they grew older, the two saw each other less.
Lisa Marie Presley by her father Elvis in 1974, blah, blah, blah.
unidentified
Whoa.
joe rogan
Shortly after becoming involved with her, in 1993, Jackson was subjected to his first set of child sexual abuse accusations.
I didn't know that.
Followed by similar allegations in 2004.
Boom.
helped convince him to enter drug rehabilitation.
In a telephone call, he proposed marriage to Presley.
She agreed, and the two wed.
unidentified
Boom.
joe rogan
May 26, 1994, at a private ceremony in the Dominican Republic.
tony hinchcliffe
Clearly had to marry her because he was on child abuse things.
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
What the fuck?
tony hinchcliffe
Mm-hmm.
joe rogan
What the fuck?
tony hinchcliffe
Mm-hmm.
unidentified
Ooh.
tony hinchcliffe
He doesn't have balls.
joe rogan
Didn't she, like, eventually go on, Lisa Marie, to marry, like, uh...
tony hinchcliffe
Somebody weird.
joe rogan
Wasn't it the actor?
What the fuck's his name?
What the fuck's his name?
tony hinchcliffe
Billy Bob Thornton.
joe rogan
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
tony hinchcliffe
No, that was...
joe rogan
No, no.
Nicholas Cage.
Didn't she marry Nicholas Cage?
I don't know.
I'm pretty sure she did.
Let's go to Lisa Marie Presley.
Wikipedia is amazing.
Relationships.
Let's go to relationships here.
Relationships.
Marriages and relationships.
Bam.
She married one guy in 1988. Michael Jackson.
unidentified
Michael Jackson.
joe rogan
Michael Jackson spent four years following a divorce together on and off in an attempt to reconcile.
Nicholas Cage.
Presley's third marriage was to Nicholas Cage.
They were married August 10, 2002 in an Oceanside Ceremony on the Big Island of Hawaii.
Eh, whatever.
What the fuck?
tony hinchcliffe
She hooked up with some weirdos.
joe rogan
Well, imagine being Elvis' daughter.
What a weird life that must have been.
You've been married to the most famous guy the world had ever known.
At the time, the most famous entertainer that had ever existed by far.
There was never a guy like Elvis before Elvis.
Because when Elvis came along, he was like, at the moment when movies...
And radio and television, all that collided and someone could see a guy like that on TV, on the Ed Sullivan show, you know, swinging his hips and, you know, jailhouse rock!
And women just just...
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
joe rogan
Imagine?
That's your fucking dad?
unidentified
Yeah.
joe rogan
Imagine trying to be normal?
Sure.
That guy didn't have a chance at being normal.
There was not like, like today, if you're Drake, or if you're Jay-Z, or if you're fucking, you know, John Mayer, there's a lot of those dudes out there.
There's a lot of them that girls will go crazy and scream for.
They can hang out together and go to parties and go, man, life's crazy, right?
Yeah, bro, life's crazy for us.
But Elvis had Elvis.
That was it.
Who else was there?
Fabian?
Fabian had like one song.
tony hinchcliffe
I don't even know if they'd be in it.
joe rogan
He was like a heartthrob for a very short amount of time in the 50s.
There was like a couple other guys.
But Elvis was uniquely famous in a way that until Michael Jackson came along, there was probably nobody like him or close to it or very few people like him.
Imagine that.
Poor Lisa Marie is his daughter.
tony hinchcliffe
I can't really take Elvis seriously as an actor.
Have you ever seen any of his movies?
joe rogan
Oh, they're dog shit.
You don't take him seriously as an actor, though.
He's not an actor.
tony hinchcliffe
He's a singer.
That's how I feel about Matt Damon and Ben.
Those fuckers can't even sing.
joe rogan
Maybe they should be singing.
tony hinchcliffe
Maybe.
joe rogan
Maybe they missed their calling.
tony hinchcliffe
Yeah.
Let's cut off their nuts and see if it's too late.
I wouldn't mind seeing it if it works.
joe rogan
And on that note, we're going to hit the gym and work out.
What time is it here?
It is 3.50 here in wonderful Melbourne, Australia.
Which, by the way, Melbourne is the fucking shit.
How great is this town?
tony hinchcliffe
Amazing.
joe rogan
God damn, it's fun.
Last night was incredible.
Alright, that was two hours.
So that's it.
This is the end of our podcast from Melbourne.
You can catch Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter.
It's at Tony Hinchcliffe.
Kill Tony is his podcast.
One Shot.
Can you announce anything?
No, I can't announce it yet.
Coming soon to a major internet distribution network that you all know of.
tony hinchcliffe
Yes.
joe rogan
That we can't say the name of.
tony hinchcliffe
And when I get to announce it, I'm going to hopefully come back on again and talk with Joe again about more fun stuff.
joe rogan
Yes!
Indeed, yes.
Alright, we got two shows tonight, two sold-out shows at some giant theater.
Was it the Palais Theater?
P-A-L-A-I-S. I think it's Palais.
tony hinchcliffe
Palais?
joe rogan
Palais Theater tonight in Melbourne.
And we're fucking psyched.
Alright, that's it, folks.
That's the end.
Anything more to say, Tony?
tony hinchcliffe
I'd like to just say, even though this isn't out yet, good luck to Johanna Janjacek tomorrow.
I'm a huge fan, and I love your striking.
And, you know, if we accidentally end up on a date sometime, whoopsie.
But I think you'd really like my sense of humor.
unidentified
Yeah.
tony hinchcliffe
And I am a little bit bigger than you, so I know pictures of me, I look really small, but I'm like 140 pounds.
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