Nov. 3, 2015 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:30:00
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
|
unidentified
|
Gentlemen, we're live! | |
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Steve-O, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Brian Redband in the house. | ||
| Steve-O preparing himself for his long stretch in the pokey for mocking SeaWorld openly on top of a very dangerous sign. | ||
| Dude, there's a video of you. | ||
| You were streaming live while you fucked with the SeaWorld sign. | ||
| I had two different ones. | ||
| I had the highway sign where I changed it to say SeaWorld sucks, and then there's the one where I climbed up the 150-foot-tall crane. | ||
| Okay, I think both of them made me shit my pants. | ||
| One of them, we were watching it, Brian and I were watching it, and my toes were curling. | ||
| Oh, no, you were watching it live? | ||
| Lifting up. | ||
| Yeah, we were watching it at one point. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Weren't we watching it live? | |
| No, it was when we were in SeaWorld, I mean, San Diego, and you were doing the sign one, and it was when you were climbing up the sign, and you kept on falling. | ||
| And I kept landing on my head, yeah. | ||
| Oh, dude, yeah. | ||
| How did you live? | ||
| I don't know, man. | ||
| That one made sense. | ||
| That was appropriate. | ||
| It was right there down in San Diego near SeaWorld. | ||
| The highway sign said SeaWorld Drive and I changed it to say SeaWorld sucks. | ||
| Like I said, it was appropriate. | ||
| My crane one was completely fucking idiotic. | ||
| It's like, okay, let me protest SeaWorld at some random construction site, nowhere fucking near SeaWorld. | ||
| You know, let me fucking bring an inflatable killer whale, like a toy whale, climb up a 150-foot crane. | ||
| When you're 150 feet up in the air, no one's going to be able to see your fucking toy whale, you know? | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| They'll be like, what's that dot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right, yeah. | |
| See, it's Steve-O and a dot. | ||
| I know, but nobody could even tell. | ||
| So by the time I get up there, I got 80 firefighters, 18 cops, a helicopter, and a SWAT team. | ||
| The problem with that stuff is if something real was going down and they had put all the resources... | ||
| Oh, trust me, I get it. | ||
| That's why I'm going to jail. | ||
| How long are you going to jail for? | ||
| Well, I have a 30-day sentence, but I don't think I'll... | ||
| I think they automatically cut it in half and then maybe even get out even quicker. | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| I didn't necessarily have to go to jail at all. | ||
| I asked my lawyer to get me jail time specifically because my fucking crane stunt was so idiotic. | ||
| I was like, man, I gotta go to jail. | ||
| That would be the only one tiny little part of it that makes any sense at all. | ||
| Because if you're trying to make a statement about captivity, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Put yourself in captivity. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's the whole deal. | ||
| So I asked for it. | ||
| So you asked for jail. | ||
| I did. | ||
| You could have gotten out of jail? | ||
| I'm sure I could have. | ||
| I could have done community service, whatever. | ||
| I was like, no, dude, because I'm a fucking attention whore. | ||
| So I'm like, dude, scrubbing graffiti is not a cool story. | ||
| Going to jail, that's a headline. | ||
| I'm going to get fucking... | ||
| You know, Steve was going to jail. | ||
| That's fucking, that's newsworthy. | ||
| That's so ridiculous. | ||
| Yeah, welcome to my world. | ||
| Did you see that? | ||
| Did you say that to the judge? | ||
| Well, no. | ||
| I never even had to go to court because they all worked it out. | ||
| So they kept postponing my arraignment. | ||
| And by the time the prosecutor and my lawyer finally worked out a deal, then when the arraignment was back on, they said, hey, we reached a deal. | ||
| And they closed it all down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Have you been to jail before? | |
| Sure. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I've got the fucking most hilarious criminal record ever, dude. | ||
| What was the first time? | ||
| The first time, I was like 16 or 17, like going to high school in England and just got nailed with some weed. | ||
| You went to jail in another country. | ||
| Oh, I've been to jail in like five countries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| What's the scariest country? | ||
| Maybe not five, but I've been to Canada, England, America, Sweden, and I'm not counting Mexico because that was more of a catch and release. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like they were fly fishing with no barb. | |
| Right. | ||
| What happened in Mexico? | ||
| It was like I was blacking out on Special K, like Ketamine, and I was climbing on this roof and I kind of fell off of it. | ||
| They just grabbed me and detained me. | ||
| Oh, so it was not like that. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I wasn't like, yeah, but it was pretty scary. | ||
| I mean, it was legit. | ||
| When you're in Mexico, like, that's fucked up. | ||
| You can vanish. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, like a lot of people vanish. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They can't find that El Chapo guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They're not going to find him. | |
| No, apparently they were closing in on him, and he fell and broke his leg, and he was carried off by his guards. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Yeah, apparently they're close. | ||
| They keep closing in on him. | ||
| Right, but that's a good disappear. | ||
| For that guy, he's psyched to disappear. | ||
| Most people disappear in Mexico are totally not psyched. | ||
| That's a very good point. | ||
| Yeah, people vanish in Mexico, like those students, like the 43 students that were murdered. | ||
| It's just scary shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So when you were in Mexico, would you sober up in jail? | ||
| Did you realize what had happened? | ||
| No, like... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I guess it all just kind of worked out. | ||
| It wasn't a big deal. | ||
| They let me go. | ||
| They just kicked you out. | ||
| In Sweden, I was properly in jail for fucking five days for international drug smuggling. | ||
| What did you bring in? | ||
| What I did, I was videotaping it. | ||
| I was in Norway and I put a bunch of weed into a condom and I tied it in a knot. | ||
| And swallowed it. | ||
| Choked on it. | ||
| I was like piquing up blood trying to get it out. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah, it's all on video. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus Christ, dude. | |
| So then I flew from Norway to Sweden so that it would, you know... | ||
| You put it on video? | ||
| Oh, yeah, yeah, totally. | ||
| And then you put it on the internet? | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, later, you know. | ||
| Later. | ||
| So how'd they catch you? | ||
| I swallowed it in Norway and got in an airplane to Sweden, so that way I'm crossing international lines, you know, to qualify as an international drug smuggler. | ||
| Then when I got to Sweden, you know, I was promoting my tour. | ||
| Every interview, they'd say, like, oh, yeah, how you doing? | ||
| And I said, oh, man, I think I might die of intestinal strangulation because I swallowed... | ||
| This big package of drugs and it won't come out, you know? | ||
| Because it took days. | ||
| It didn't come out for like six and a half days. | ||
| So every reporter wrote their article or whatever it was, and the cops read the newspaper. | ||
| And so then they arrested me after I shit it out. | ||
| And they took me to the jail, and they brought me from the jail to the hospital, put me in this CAT scan machine, which revealed, they said, a foreign object in my body. | ||
| I still don't know what that was. | ||
| And they kept me in a cell for five days, shitting into plastic bags. | ||
| They're fucking digging through my shit, you know? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then after five days in there, they brought me back to the hospital for another scan. | ||
| And it showed that the foreign object had only moved like three centimeters in my body. | ||
| And so they were like, oh, fuck it. | ||
| And they just had me pay a fine and go. | ||
| You don't even know what it is? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They said it was like... | ||
| Key? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| They said it was sharp and I don't know. | ||
| It was sharp? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I really don't know what it was. | ||
| Maybe they're even bullshitting. | ||
| And it might be still in there? | ||
| It's been over 10 years. | ||
| Did you ever get yourself looked at again? | ||
| No. | ||
| I want an update. | ||
| Where's my friend? | ||
| Where is he? | ||
| I didn't even really care that much. | ||
| But yeah, Sweden, that was wild, man. | ||
| And again, I was super psyched because I knew I was on that little scrolling fucking thing on CNN at the bottom. | ||
| So you were psyched for that? | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, I thought I might... | ||
| Because, okay, now, when they brought me to the station initially, like, they put my backpack on the table, and they reached into it, and, like, the first pocket they reached into, the first thing they pulled out, was a fucking ecstasy pill. | ||
| Like, with a fucking... | ||
| Like, it had a print, like, an imprint of a smiley face on it, you know? | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| And I didn't even remember it being in there. | ||
| I'm like, fuck, I didn't know that was in there. | ||
| And then I thought, man, maybe I'll be in Sweden for a while. | ||
| But it turns out that ecstasy wasn't even like that, you know, they weren't even that bent out of shape over ecstasy. | ||
| They're more pissed about weed over there. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I don't know why. | ||
| Just like one of those weird country things? | ||
| Well, because weed, like, they think it makes you lazy, I think, and they're not cool. | ||
| That's how it is in Asia. | ||
| What? | ||
| I think. | ||
| That makes you lazy, and we're not fucking lazy people, and so they want to really punish you for that. | ||
| That really frustrates me. | ||
| That stereotype with weed making you lazy. | ||
| That drives me crazy. | ||
| That is the one that drives me the most nuts. | ||
| You're lazy, you're lazy. | ||
| Weed does not make you fucking lazy. | ||
| It just doesn't. | ||
| I'm not lazy. | ||
| It drives me nuts! | ||
| I was never lazy, man, when I was loaded. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No! | |
| My longest time in jail... | ||
| Well, you know, I was in L.A. County jail for five days one time. | ||
| I got arrested for felony obscenity and principled a second-degree battery in Louisiana. | ||
| Whoa! | ||
| Yeah, because it was like I was doing my old show. | ||
| What does that mean, principled to? | ||
| It means that I arranged, like, an assault. | ||
| Well, what happened was, I was doing my old show, and part of it was I was chugging out of a tequila bottle throughout the whole thing, and I had the tequila bottle at the edge of the stage, and some kid climbed on the stage and grabbed the bottle, and I see these bouncers come over and just neutralize it, and I'm like, damn, these guys are good. | ||
| These fucking bouncers are pro. | ||
| So I said, who wants to get on this stage and try to run from one side of the stage to the other past the bouncers? | ||
| It's British Bulldog. | ||
| We'll play British Bulldog and these guys are going to fuck you up. | ||
| So this one kid who was this bony, little skinny, little 19-year-old kid was jumping up and down, pointing at himself. | ||
| He wanted it so bad. | ||
| And I had to pick him. | ||
| So I picked this kid, and he ran... | ||
| He just ran. | ||
| I'm videoing it myself. | ||
| I said, one, two, three, go. | ||
| The kid runs halfway across the stage and they just grabbed him. | ||
| It was totally anticlimactic. | ||
| And these three college football player bouncers, they just lifted him up in unison over their heads and just spiked the kid on his head on the stage. | ||
| And he was twitching. | ||
| I don't think the police report said he was bleeding out of an ear or something. | ||
| And it was really fucked up. | ||
| Why did they do that when they knew that he was going to run across? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I never said slam him on his head. | ||
| I'd said maybe fuck him up. | ||
| In my mind, I'm thinking, oh dude, this is such a lawsuit. | ||
| This is bad. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| You're not thinking, oh my god, this poor kid's dying. | ||
| You're thinking, illegal fees! | ||
| Right, that too. | ||
| But like, whatever it was, it was just all bad. | ||
| You know, it was all bad. | ||
| In my head, like, the mantra, the show must go on, like, pretend it's not bad, and just continue. | ||
| So I'm like, I was like, what the fuck, on the video. | ||
| And somebody in the crowd had a home video camera rolling on. | ||
| And this was like, what was it, 2002? | ||
| This is before they had cameras on cell phones. | ||
| Someone's got a fucking VHS home video camera. | ||
| And on the tape, which they turned over, they were like, that's a crime. | ||
| So they turned it over to the cops. | ||
| Or they just gave it to the newspaper, and the newspaper gave it to the cops. | ||
| On the thing, I'm like, that kid's being loaded into an ambulance! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fucking, who wants to play another round of British Bulldog? | |
| Oh no! | ||
| I know, it was bad. | ||
| Did anybody sign up for round two? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| I can't remember if we did or not, but... | ||
| That doesn't seem like assault though, honestly. | ||
| Well, it was principle to second degree battery. | ||
| I think I have it right. | ||
| That was a crime, but the people that watched this video, they really were upset with Stevo. | ||
| And so there was another point in the video where I used an industrial staple gun to staple my ball sack to my leg. | ||
| Oh, you know, normal shit. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I'm covered in blood, too, because part of the other part of the show, I would break a light bulb over my head and pick up a piece of broken glass and literally slash my tongue. | ||
| Because the tongue bleeds so much and it heals really fast, so I just bleed all over myself and smear blood everywhere. | ||
| And so I'm covered in blood, and I've got my dick and balls just blatantly out, and I'm holding the industrial staple gun, getting ready to staple my ball sack to my leg. | ||
| And I say, this is not art. | ||
| This is just to be offensive. | ||
| Staple my balls to my leg. | ||
| And so, being that it was Louisiana in one of these parishes, they deemed that Felony obscenity. | ||
| Which was a saving grace, man, because the story on that one was like Steve-O got arrested for stapling his balls to his leg, you know? | ||
| The thing with the kid didn't really play that much in the media, you know? | ||
| He did sue me, yeah, for brain damage. | ||
| I don't think he even had brain damage. | ||
| I'll tell you right now, he had brain damage. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| Well, you get spiked on your head, some cells die. | ||
| I mean, maybe. | ||
| Oh, 100%. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| But yeah, I got properly sued. | ||
| So did you lose or did you go to court? | ||
| Well, I mean, it was then settled. | ||
| You settled? | ||
| We settled it, yeah. | ||
| Can you say how much? | ||
| He got 50 grand. | ||
| That's not that good. | ||
| But, you know... | ||
| I think that that's what it was. | ||
| Did you talk to the bouncers? | ||
| Maybe 50 grand was my legal fees. | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| Did you talk to the bouncers and go, why did you spike him on his head? | ||
| Why didn't you just grab him? | ||
| They could have just grabbed him. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Grabbing him would have been funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just grab and take him out of there. | ||
| Help! | ||
| You know, hold him over their head. | ||
| Throw him into the audience like a stage dive or something. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They really, really, it was upsetting. | ||
| They shouldn't have done that. | ||
| See, the problem is, you give people a green light like that. | ||
| You've seen some shit the bouncers have done to people. | ||
| When people climb onto that stage, there's a green light. | ||
| I mean, it's sort of like the cop thing. | ||
| Did you see that recent video of the cop grabbing the schoolgirl? | ||
| She's in her desk, she won't get out of her desk, and he just fucking ragdolls her and slams her in the desk on the ground. | ||
| It's when cops have the green light, when they can do whatever they want to do, then you're leaving it up to the discretion of this guy that's probably not thinking that straight, a little stressed out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, I got beat up by a few bouncers. | |
| One guy grabbed me, took me out back, and just like pushed me against the wall and just kept on slapping me in the face and wouldn't let me go. | ||
| And he like sat there for like 10, I was like 18, and he's just like wailing on my face. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Then he'll be like, you gonna do that again, motherfucker, and then just like punch me in. | |
| I felt like I was captured. | ||
| Yeah, I was kidnapping. | ||
| Kind of kidnapping an assault, really. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, because I was outside of the club. | |
| He was just ramming me against the wall and shit. | ||
| They're not supposed to do that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But we left that club in Louisiana, and I knew I was going to hear about it again. | ||
| And sure enough, it took a couple weeks, but I was sleeping off a cocaine bender, and my roommate says, Hey man, you really got to get up for this. | ||
| And there's the LA Fugitive Division. | ||
| They had a... | ||
| A fugitive warrant out of Louisiana. | ||
| For you? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| There are two charges. | ||
| The felony obscenity, and then the second-degree battery thing. | ||
| LA should just let that felony obscenity slide. | ||
| They should be like, you keep that yourself, you fucking goofy redneck douchebag. | ||
| Yeah, but you know, I loved that charge. | ||
| That's my favorite charge! | ||
| Right. | ||
| But the thing was that they gave me a $120,000 bail or warrant for the battery. | ||
| And then for the felony obscenity, they gave me a million. | ||
| So I showed up on the fugitive list in poll position number one with a $1.12 million bail. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Pole position number one. | ||
| It's a fucking NASCAR race! | ||
| And so they brought me in and they're like, what'd you do? | ||
| And I'm like, I stapled my balls to my leg. | ||
| Nobody could understand it. | ||
| And I was in LA County Jail in the protective custody where I'll be starting on December 9th. | ||
| They're going to put you in protective custody? | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| I mean, I'm like a kind of high-profile dude. | ||
| You would be in protective custody, too. | ||
| At the time, it was 2002, I just got my back tattoo, but the movie wasn't out yet, so nobody knew about it. | ||
| And the cops were pretty psyched to have me in there, and they brought me into their office, whatever. | ||
| They're giving me boxes and boxes of cookies and taking pictures with my back tattoo. | ||
| I remember they were like, oh, dude, you'll be fine in here, man. | ||
| What is the back tattoo that they were taking pictures of? | ||
| My self-portrait. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah, you know. | ||
| Yeah, I've seen it. | ||
| That's right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they were like, you'll be fine in here, man. | ||
| This is Robert Downey Jr. block. | ||
| They're listing up all the celebrities that have been in there. | ||
| Tommy Lee. | ||
| And ODB is always in here. | ||
| You're actually in his cell. | ||
| Oh, ODB. I miss that dude. | ||
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| That was a good one. | ||
| The longest I was in jail was 10 days in Orlando. | ||
| That was for drunk driving. | ||
| Now that's fucked up. | ||
| That was fucked up. | ||
| up. | ||
| And I remember that was in 1996. | ||
| And I hadn't really broken out yet. | ||
| I barely could afford to get to Orlando. | ||
| I lived in South Florida near West Palm Beach. | ||
| And so I had to scrape money together for a Greyhound bus to get to Orlando. | ||
| And I was like, I can't afford to get there once for my arraignment. | ||
| I can't afford to get arraigned and then set a date and then come back and then come back again. | ||
| And I had a public defender. | ||
| The public defender said, yeah, I saw the video. | ||
| We're not going to be able to do much about this. | ||
| That was the one where my arrest report said, defendant declined roadside sobriety tests, stating he would prefer to take a nap. | ||
| Because I was trying to argue that I wasn't actually drunk. | ||
| I was just really tired. | ||
| So I just told the public defender guy, I was like, man, I can't afford to go home and come back again. | ||
| So at the arraignment, can we just plead guilty and ask that I go to jail right away? | ||
| So that's what we did. | ||
| And I actually did the whole 10 days. | ||
| So what's worse, Mexico or Orlando as far as jail? | ||
| Well, Mexico was just like holding, you know? | ||
| Orlando was like proper, like proper jail, like process. | ||
| And it was pretty mellow because like... | ||
| In Orlando, they said, as you get process, you get orientation, they kind of break down what it's going to be like. | ||
| They give you a Tupperware tub of your belongings, where you've got your blanket, a soap. | ||
| They won't let you have a razor, but a toothbrush. | ||
| And they're like, this is your belongings. | ||
| You're going to have it at the foot of your bed. | ||
| You're going to keep it like this. | ||
| And don't piss us off. | ||
| Don't do anything wrong. | ||
| Because if you hear, pack up your belongings, then what that means is, then you're going to pack all your shit into your tub and you're going into the fucking dungeon. | ||
| What that means is that if you're in the dungeon down there, you're just not on camera down there. | ||
| Anything can happen to you. | ||
| That was sort of the incentive to be on your best behavior. | ||
| Because up here, everything's on camera. | ||
| You don't want to go to the dungeon. | ||
| They're just letting you know that if we bring you downstairs, we're going to abuse you. | ||
| If you fuck up, you're going down and bad shit's going to happen to you. | ||
| Because only people who go down to the dungeon are dangerous people that you don't want to be fucking with. | ||
| So they're gonna be with you in the dungeon. | ||
| So that's the... | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Basically, the worst people who are more inclined to hurt you are in the dungeon. | ||
| And no cameras. | ||
| Yeah, if I remember. | ||
| Because I remember being always on camera, no matter what happened. | ||
| I don't know if it was no cameras, but they're just like, we're not gonna... | ||
| Down there, nothing's gonna be... | ||
| Nothing gets stopped. | ||
| You're going to get fucked. | ||
| You're going to be fucked. | ||
| And it worked. | ||
| It kept everything pretty civil. | ||
| I was very well behaved. | ||
| Now, when you're in jail for 10 days, is it easy? | ||
| In 10 days, can you get drugs in 10 days? | ||
| Or do you have to get to know the system? | ||
| I don't think that you're going to have as much luck in county jail. | ||
| County jail, by definition, means that you have a... | ||
| Sentence of less than one year. | ||
| And then at the point of it being one year, then it's called prison. | ||
| And in prison, I think, that's where you can get whatever you want and all that. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah, I don't think jail is as, you know... | ||
| Probably make hooch is probably the big thing. | ||
| Right, and maybe, I don't have that much experience, so I don't know, but I couldn't get... | ||
| I was doing backflips for extra food and shit, you know? | ||
| Do people give you food? | ||
| Like the people that work there or other inmates? | ||
| The people that work there, you know, when they had the cart that came by. | ||
| And I remember, too, there was in Orlando... | ||
| Jail's a big business in Orlando because it's kind of like Mecca, maybe even more than Mecca. | ||
| More families travel from all over the world to... | ||
| It's like the biggest tourist thing. | ||
| So the business is like, they say, you come to Orlando on vacation, you leave on probation, and then you return on violation. | ||
| They have all the theme parks there, right? | ||
| They have Disneyland, there's a bunch of them. | ||
| Is SeaWorld there too? | ||
| They got SeaWorld in Orlando and San Antonio and San Diego. | ||
| When are they closing SeaWorld down? | ||
| Because in California they just made it illegal for them to breed in captivity. | ||
| They banned captive breeding California banned captive breeding, which means that it only applies to the San Diego Sea World. | ||
| But that fucking came down, whatever that decision was made official, like within two days of me getting my jail sentence. | ||
| That's amazing. | ||
| And I like to think, maybe it's such a coincidence, but I like to think that I got people started talking about it, you know, thinking about it, and then they were like, you know what, fuck those people. | ||
| Well, you definitely did. | ||
| You definitely put some attention on it, but there's been some attention on it for quite a while. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| And that movie Blackfish was the big one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Of course. | |
| That was the big one. | ||
| That woke up a lot of people. | ||
| When they just realized, like, whoa, what is this place? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Killed SeaWorld for me forever. | |
| I used to love it going as a kid. | ||
| I was always telling you, like, you're going to watch prisoners. | ||
| You're going to watch slaves. | ||
| It's super fucked, dude. | ||
| It's super fucked. | ||
| They're like water people. | ||
| I mean, they really are, like, as smart as human beings. | ||
| They just don't affect their environment. | ||
| I think smarter, too, because, like, just their loyalty and shit like that. | ||
| Like, humans aren't that loyal. | ||
| Well, you could say that, but some humans are, and dolphins kill a lot of babies. | ||
| Right. | ||
| They kill baby dolphins, they rape a lot. | ||
| They're not the best. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Yeah, dolphins are dicks, but not whales. | ||
| Well, even killer whales. | ||
| Killer whales kill dolphins. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, and whales. | ||
| They eat whales alive. | ||
| It's a hard fucking world in the ocean. | ||
| The ocean's a dog-eat-dog world, or dolphin-eat-baby world, or killer whale-eat-whale world. | ||
| One thing for sure, though... | ||
| There has never been an instance of a killer whale You know, people would like to call them orcas. | ||
| And orcas never attacked a human in the wild. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| Because when we were filming Wild Boys, we went to Alaska, and we ran across a pod of orcas. | ||
| And we had Manny, the crazy shark guy, you know, the Tarzan-looking dude that rides sharks everywhere. | ||
| And he was so jazzed. | ||
| He sees these fucking killer whales in the wild. | ||
| He just dives in to go swim with them, you know? | ||
| We had an inflatable killer whale there too and we towed Pontius on it. | ||
| But you swim towards these orcas and they're out. | ||
| They don't even want to hang with you. | ||
| Yeah, but they have saved people. | ||
| They've saved drowning people before. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| People who capsize boats, they've actually lifted them up and helped them. | ||
| They're very smart. | ||
| They say that they have dialects, you can tell their different accents, they recognize each other, they stay with the same family for life. | ||
| That's why it's so fucked up when they take them away. | ||
| You're stealing someone away, like a child, away from their mother. | ||
| It's so fucking dark. | ||
| And when you see those SeaWorld commercials, they're like, we haven't taken orcas from the wild in over 34 years. | ||
| Imagine if there was a commercial for Nabisco, and Nabisco was like, we haven't stolen slaves in over 34 years. | ||
| The slaves that we have, we have had them for a long time. | ||
| That's basically what they're saying. | ||
| I know, it's fucked up, dude. | ||
| Go ahead. | ||
| I grew up with a SeaWorld in Ohio, and it's really weird how, you know, growing up, they don't teach you that, like, hey, we captured these guys. | ||
| You always kind of thought, like, oh, they're injured, and we helped them, and that's why they're here. | ||
| It was always kind of like, oh, I like SeaWorld because I want to see these dolphins do good and be better. | ||
| But after watching that movie, you realize, you know, it's the exact opposite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They just kind of... | |
| Right. | ||
| It's slavery. | ||
| They say a dolphin has a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger than a human being's. | ||
| I believe it. | ||
| They don't have the ability to alter their environment. | ||
| They can't pick things up and move them around. | ||
| They can't send emails. | ||
| But they don't have to. | ||
| They live in a 3D world. | ||
| They can fly around. | ||
| In their world, they come up for air, but in their world, they can go left, right, up, down. | ||
| They don't need fingers. | ||
| It's not necessary. | ||
| So our idea, what's intelligence? | ||
| If you can't type something, or if you can't build a house, you're a fucking idiot. | ||
| That's how we look at it. | ||
| But those things that we define as intelligent when it comes to human beings are completely unnecessary. | ||
| They go where the water's warm. | ||
| The fish are everywhere. | ||
| Fish are stupid as fuck. | ||
| They swim up to them. | ||
| They jack them. | ||
| Dolphins probably never starve to death. | ||
| I mean, they're faster than fish. | ||
| I mean, I guess they die of old age. | ||
| But you gotta think, like... | ||
| Unless they run out of fish, fish are probably easy as fuck for them to catch. | ||
| They just swim up and jack them. | ||
| It's like food is floating around the sky. | ||
| Imagine if everywhere you went, there's sandwiches just floating around in front of you. | ||
| You just hang out with your homies and grab a sandwich. | ||
| I mean, that's dolphin world. | ||
| Yeah, that's dolphin world. | ||
| But they do do some dark shit. | ||
| But they usually do it in the name of breeding. | ||
| That's why female dolphins are super slutty. | ||
| They're super slutty because they can't recognize lines of paternity, so they don't necessarily know whether or not the baby's theirs. | ||
| So if they go up to a chick and she's got babies and they have never had sex with her, the female dolphins won't have sex until their baby has reached maturity, until their baby can swim away. | ||
| It's like a few years, I believe. | ||
| So when the males come up to females and they have babies and they haven't had sex with the female, they'll sometimes kill the babies so that she'll have sex with them again. | ||
| It's pretty fucked up. | ||
| Lions do shit like that, too. | ||
| Bears do shit like that, too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's the other thing. | ||
| That video with you and the lion, that's another one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The lion in the tree. | |
| We've watched that a few times on this show and freaked. | ||
| Yeah, but in any case, I'm going to jail for a fucking good cause, man. | ||
| I used to get arrested for fucked up shit, man, you know? | ||
| Like, drugs and violence. | ||
| Like, in Canada I got arrested. | ||
| For violence? | ||
| Well, kind of, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What'd you do? | |
| It was assault. | ||
| And we actually ran away from cops and got away. | ||
| It was on New Year's Eve in 2003. I want to say it was 2003 turning into 2004. Did this big show and some fucking asshole got on stage and snuck up and sucker punched me while I was on stage. | ||
| He fucking punched me. | ||
| And so, of course, everybody grabs him and starts beating the shit out of him. | ||
| And I'm on the microphone saying, fucking kick his ass! | ||
| It started out as an assault on me, but by the time, I was like, nah, kick his ass! | ||
| And they're beating him just all bloody. | ||
| And Preston Lacey, the big guy on Jackass, had his microphone. | ||
| He was just grating the dude's forehead off with him. | ||
| So it was kind of bloody from that. | ||
| And then they carried him away and I hauled off and kicked the guy. | ||
| You got in trouble for that? | ||
| I did, yeah. | ||
| The cops were called, and we just, I think, maybe ran off the stage and just dipped and got away. | ||
| But then I was back on my new tour in Calgary, and I'm on the morning news promoting my shows. | ||
| They said, have you ever been to Calgary before? | ||
| I said, oh yeah. | ||
| I was here and we really beat the crap out of this guy and then we ran from cops and got away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They still let you in Canada? | |
| Well, I'm Canadian. | ||
| I have a Canadian passport. | ||
| I'm also American and I'm also British. | ||
| What? | ||
| My mom was born in Canada. | ||
| My dad was born in America. | ||
| I was born in England. | ||
| So I'm all three. | ||
| So all you have to do is be born in a country like that, and you get a passport, you're a citizen? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But then they allow you to be a citizen of America, too. | ||
| Correct, yeah. | ||
| Dude, that's a sweet deal. | ||
| You can't be a resident of more than one place. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you can be a citizen. | ||
| All I gotta do is marry an Australian chick, and I'm stoked. | ||
| Even New Zealand would be even better. | ||
| And so then you're like, quadra. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Quadra citizen. | ||
| But I'm triple national. | ||
| The thing was, though, so I'm bragging about, like, yeah, we beat up this guy and fucking ran from the cops. | ||
| And then when I left from that trip, I hand over the passport to the immigration guy going through the airport. | ||
| He's like, yeah, go ahead and wait in this room. | ||
| That was a red flag. | ||
| Yeah, so the cops came and arrested me. | ||
| I mean, they held me for like 12 hours or 10 hours or something. | ||
| And what did they say when they arrested you? | ||
| They said you have an outstanding warrant, which I think is pretty funny. | ||
| It's like, an outstanding warrant? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Outstanding? | |
| This is a good one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
So, I think there's other meanings for outstanding. | |
| Right, right. | ||
| So, why'd they let you go after 12 hours? | ||
| Because I paid bail. | ||
| Like, a $10,000 bail or something. | ||
| That's it? | ||
| Did you have to go back and go to court? | ||
| I mean, it was a misdemeanor, you know, whatever. | ||
| Like, I got it sorted out from, you know, like, whatever. | ||
| Canada doesn't play when it comes to assault, though. | ||
| Canada doesn't play when it comes to anything, man. | ||
| Canada is the fucking toughest country to get into. | ||
| Everybody gets held up. | ||
| If you've got a drunk driving arrest, you're not allowed in. | ||
| Assault, I don't know if it was that big of a deal. | ||
| But whatever. | ||
| It was great because I was able to clear away the wreckage of my past. | ||
| For all the fucked up shit I've done, I like to think I've made it all right. | ||
| How about the dude that got spiked on his fucking head? | ||
| He's fine, dude. | ||
| He's got 50 grand, man. | ||
| Special K through that 50 grand the first day. | ||
| It's a weird thing, the Canadian thing. | ||
| They live right next door to us, so they've got to be real careful about fugitives sneaking across the border. | ||
| So they're super strict about any weirdness. | ||
| Eddie Bravo, a long time ago, got pulled over, not even arrested, for having a legal... | ||
| He used to work for a check cashing company. | ||
| So he used to take these bags of cash around with them, and he had a concealed weapons permit. | ||
| And so he gets pulled over by the cops, and he tells the cops, officer, I work for a check cashing company, I have a large sum of cash, and I also have a concealed weapon, and here's my permits here, my paperwork. | ||
| And so they take him out of the car, they handcuff him, check his paperwork, they go, everything seems in order, you're free to go, and they let him go. | ||
| So every time he goes to Canada, they bring up that. | ||
| Every time. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Still on his record somehow? | |
| Still on his record. | ||
| Still on his record and it wasn't even an arrest. | ||
| They pulled him over. | ||
| But when it involves a gun, if it involves anything where you- Large amounts of cash everybody's pretty uptight about. | ||
| But it was all legit. | ||
| He worked for a check cashing company. | ||
| So he had a total 100% ironclad excuse. | ||
| They let him out. | ||
| I mean, he never brought him to jail. | ||
| They let him go. | ||
| But still, every time he goes to Canada, they check him. | ||
| Kevin James had a real hard time. | ||
| Because Kevin James got in a street fight in high school or college or something like that and got arrested. | ||
| No conviction. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| But every time he would go to Canada, before he was famous, we'd do the Montreal Comedy Festival together. | ||
| Every time he'd go to Canada, they'd fuck with him. | ||
| You know, Australia is the same way, man. | ||
| Australia is maybe even harder to get into than Canada. | ||
| And I'm not Australian, so when I go to Australia, I have to, with my visa application, I have to submit My entire criminal record, like, my whole history. | ||
| And it's, like, so long. | ||
| It's hilarious. | ||
| Like, you know, I mean, there's even a bunch of stuff I didn't even mention. | ||
| Like, you know, like, being arrested all over the states and stuff. | ||
| But nothing was really... | ||
| How many times have you been arrested? | ||
| There's one in Philadelphia. | ||
| Like, public urination was, like... | ||
| I mean, kind of mellow. | ||
| It was more, like, funny than anything. | ||
| And... | ||
| There's my first drunk driving. | ||
| You should have those four lines and a stripe for five every time you get arrested, like counting off the days in prison. | ||
| Last year, a year and a half ago or something, I did a whole Australia tour, and I was putting it all together, and I made a YouTube video actually going through my whole official thing with all the paperwork, my criminal past or whatever. | ||
| And at the same time, too, the Australian tour promoter wanted me to have a name for my tour. | ||
| Like, oh, we'd like to have a name for the tour. | ||
| And so I'm going through my whole arrest history. | ||
| And so I told him, yeah, man, it's Steve-O Guilty as Charged. | ||
| It's the name of my tour. | ||
| And so that's been the name of my tour for like a year and a half. | ||
| If anybody wants to know the name of it, that's what it is every time. | ||
| And why I'm so excited to be here today is because in less than three weeks in Austin, Texas, I'm taping... | ||
| My first comedy special for Showtime. | ||
| And it's, of course, called Steve-O Guilty as Charged. | ||
| Where are you taping it? | ||
| At the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas. | ||
| Oh, that's a good spot. | ||
| I've been there. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| That's sweet. | ||
| It's so fucking... | ||
| I mean, I just love Texas, man. | ||
| I love Texas. | ||
| I love Texas so much, and it's the one place that I haven't been to with this tour. | ||
| So it's like a fresh crowd, you know? | ||
| What are you doing on tour? | ||
| Are you doing straight stand-up? | ||
| Are you doing... | ||
| It's like a one-man show where it's totally stand-up, it's totally stories, and on story points throughout the show, I do super fucked up stunts. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| When I come in, I'm going to... | ||
| Blast fucking, uh, like a 12-pack of soda cans on my head, you know, like, until they're all, like, busted open. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'll break it. | ||
| I'll break it. | ||
| Like, you just take the can and it's not open and you just fucking keep smashing it in your head until it breaks. | ||
| You know? | ||
| And it's going to be so dope with all the lights, you know? | ||
| Like, all the lights. | ||
| And once it breaks, it's like spraying like super fucking a lot, you know? | ||
| And so, like, it'll look dope, man. | ||
| I'll break, like, at least six of them. | ||
| And then, whatever, like, you know... | ||
| You look so healthy for someone who's done so much fucked up shit to your body. | ||
| Like, you walk normal. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You seem to be... | ||
| Your voice's a little raspy, but everything's coming out good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, thanks, man. | |
| The words come out smooth. | ||
| I appreciate it, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| At the top of my show, I got some crowd work and stuff, and I don't even waste any time before I start fucking bagging on Carlos Mencia. | ||
| In your crowd work? | ||
| Well, yeah, because one of my big bits is I'll pull the crowd about ladies clap if you've ever received a dick pic from someone you know. | ||
| It's one of my... | ||
| Best crowd work bids. | ||
| After I get done with all the back and forth, it's just really fucking funny to pull what kind of dick pics did you get from guys that you weren't hooking up with. | ||
| Now clap if you got a dick pic from a guy that you were not hooking up with at all. | ||
| Less, but still tons of chicks clapping. | ||
| Okay, now I want you to clap really loud if you went on to have sex with that guy. | ||
| Just crickets, you know? | ||
| I'm like, so it doesn't work, you know? | ||
| And then I tell them, like, you know, and I just saw this thing recently, and so I just started doing it. | ||
| Like, let's say, you know, I saw this funny thing online about dick pics, and it was so funny, I stole it. | ||
| You know, it was one of these memes where a girl is saying, receiving a dick pic from a guy is just like her cat bringing her a dead mouse. | ||
| She says, I can see that you are very proud. | ||
| But I'm not touching it. | ||
| That's hilarious! | ||
| That's fucking funny. | ||
| And people will, like, actually clap, you know? | ||
| And I say, like, every time, I'm like, oh my god, I can't fucking, like, this floors me. | ||
| Getting applause for a joke I told you I stole. | ||
| I said I fucking love this so much, I decided I'm gonna do a whole fucking bit just out of jokes I stole. | ||
| I call it the Carlos Mencia bit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| And so then I just say, really quick, because I don't like to fucking, I don't even, I'm not even comfortable doing this, but I'm like, I'll tell you two jokes, one you've heard of, one you haven't, but I stole them both. | ||
| Did you hear what Greg Fitzsimmons is doing? | ||
| I don't want to ruin it. | ||
| I want people to come to Austin so much because normally I do comedy clubs. | ||
| I sell the lines, share my tickets once I get there. | ||
| I don't do a lot of advanced ticket sales. | ||
| I show up and I get on the radio and people are like, oh, he's here. | ||
| And then I do great. | ||
| I do really well. | ||
| But in this case, and it's November 21st, this month, at the Paramount Theater in Austin, I don't have the luxury of waiting to get there to fucking sell tickets because it's a fucking Showtime comedy special. | ||
| We have to have that place sold the fuck out. | ||
| What's the date? | ||
| November 21st. | ||
| Dude, we'll tweet the shit out of it. | ||
| Oh, dude, I'm so stoked, man. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Yeah, November 21st, Paramount Theater. | ||
| You can, like, find it at steveo.com. | ||
| We'll tweet it. | ||
| We'll tweet it. | ||
| We'll tweet it after this show is over. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Super. | ||
| And I know, like, a million people are listening right now. | ||
| Can we put it in the YouTube notes that he'll be there? | ||
| Okay, we'll put it in the YouTube notes of the show, too. | ||
| Oh, dude, super appreciate it. | ||
| Yeah, and... | ||
| It's gonna be a bunch of people wanting to see you smash soda cans on your head. | ||
| Oh, dude, you better. | ||
| I used to do it in comedy clubs like six times a week. | ||
| I would break like one, two, or three. | ||
| But the thing is, I would fucking wake up in the morning and I'd fucking get out of bed and I'm walking like fucking diagonally. | ||
| My whole fucking equilibrium was off. | ||
| And I was like, I've got to stop hitting myself in the fucking head. | ||
| But yet you're gonna do it again. | ||
| I'm gonna do it, but yeah, that's only two shows. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| I was doing it like all the time. | ||
| So you're doing it like Wednesday, Thursday, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| So by the time Sunday rolled around, you had brain damage. | ||
| Totally. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But yeah, so in any case, I'll be smashing the cans. | ||
| I do like the, you know, I've got like a couple bits like with the crowd work and then the fucking, you know, by the time, I'll even tell you the jokes. | ||
| I fucking think they're funny. | ||
| The ones I stole. | ||
| For the Carlos Mencia bit. | ||
| But if you do that, then the people... | ||
| You're right. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| A lot of people are listening. | ||
| Don't do that. | ||
| Thank you, Joe. | ||
| They listen. | ||
| They remember. | ||
| They write shit down. | ||
| Heard it! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I heard this one! | |
| You stole it and I heard it! | ||
| Yeah, thank you, Joe. | ||
| But then, like, you know, after that, then it's like, okay, now I'm going to really get into it. | ||
| And so it's sort of like a start off... | ||
| You know, addressing, like, how people have asked me for so long, like, how did I get into it? | ||
| How did the jackass shit start? | ||
| And, you know, I give, like, a super condensed, like, super hilarious, like, sort of fucking Genesis story of, like, you know, starting with, like, me in high school and getting copped and dealing drugs and, you know, like, and, you know, like, going to... | ||
| College and just fucking up royally. | ||
| I mean, I fucked up royally in college. | ||
| What did you do in college that was so bad? | ||
| Well, within two weeks of class starting my freshman year, I was on final disciplinary probation, which is fucking impressive. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In two weeks? | |
| Yeah, I got my room raided. | ||
| They found alcohol and weed and shit. | ||
| They relocated me to another fucking dorm, and they're like, you are on final disciplinary probation. | ||
| I broke out a window and climbed onto the roof. | ||
| There's a radio tower on top of the roof, and I climbed up that, and someone spotted me from the ground. | ||
| And so the cops came on the roof and they kicked me out of the dorms. | ||
| And I was failing the fuck out of my classes. | ||
| And then I just got in a van with this dude and just took off without even withdrawing. | ||
| So I got... | ||
|
unidentified
|
I got in a van with this dude. | |
| That never ends well. | ||
| So I failed out, I got kicked out, and I dropped out. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Which I call overachieving. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's definitely a mouthful. | ||
| I know and like that's the thing it's like you know people were like when I was leaving the University of Miami It's like well, what are you gonna do now? | ||
| And I'm like I'm gonna fucking videotape fucked up shit. | ||
| I'm gonna I'm gonna be what year was this? | ||
| 93. So you had this idea in 93. Oh, yeah I was and even then I was like man like I had like special fucking skills, you know like I had I could like I was really fucking good at drinking bong water I didn't care how murky it was or whatever. | ||
| Very few people have ever said, I didn't care how murky it was. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like that sentence? | |
| If you live a whole life and that never comes out of your mouth, you live a good life. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I was like, it was Miami, so I was like super into, I was like blow off class and I'd be like practicing jumping on the diving boards at the pool. | ||
| And I'm like, I'm never going to be a diver, but if I jump strictly off of roofs of apartment buildings and shit into shallow pools, then it's badass. | ||
| So I got pretty good at that. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| And then my specialty was setting myself on fire with hairspray and rubbing alcohol. | ||
| And so at the point where I'm not even fucking... | ||
| Five minutes into the show at this point, and I had to say, my specialty was setting myself on fire with hairspray and rubbing alcohol. | ||
| So I'm going to, at that point, demonstrate. | ||
| You do that in the theater they let you do that? | ||
| I used to do it in comedy clubs all the time, but I kept getting so hurt. | ||
| I just fucking stopped. | ||
| Because what I do is... | ||
| I'm gonna do like kind of a deluxe version for this one like I'm gonna start with like a can of hairspray I'm gonna like spray my like all the hair on my head like heavily with the hairspray I'm gonna climb on top of a table on the stage and And douse my arm with rubbing alcohol, fill my mouth with lamp oil. | ||
| What about your butthole? | ||
| Anything going in there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Zippo fluid. | |
| Kerosene? | ||
| Then I'm going to click a lighter and light my arm on fire, like just the rubbing alcohol on my skin. | ||
| And a trail will go all the way up to your hair. | ||
| Well, like a drop, like from when I pour it, like on the table there will be a puddle, and so like a drop will stay on fire probably, and then the table will be on fire. | ||
| My arm's on fire and then like so I'm gonna use my arm as a torch when I do a front flip standing on top of the table and simultaneously as I do the front flip blow a fireball like off of my arm like which is a huge lamp oil goes crazy so like the lamp oil and as I'm flipping like the front flip my head like everything just goes right through the fire so when I crash on the table on my back now my head's on fire and so then I get up and like kind of like Like | ||
| flail around the stage with my head on fire and my buddy comes running out with a mouthful of lamp oil and he comes running out to me and he uses my head as a torch and just you know blows a fucking huge fireball off of my head and and then Like we'll figure out how to put me out, you know, then we'll figure it out. | ||
| Right, right I mean maybe he'll have like a towel or something because I've gotten like a towel. | ||
| Yeah How about a fireman? | ||
| No, I mean, like, I wouldn't do that. | ||
| I'll go, like, my goal will be to just use my bare hands. | ||
| But the thing is, like, I've done it where I've, like... | ||
| Does the paranormal know that you're gonna do this? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| Oh, fuck, dude. | ||
| Don't. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't tell them. | |
| Oh, don't tell them. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I didn't even think about it. | ||
| You didn't think about it? | ||
| Well, I mean, it's a fucking huge theater. | ||
| It didn't occur to me that they would find out that I was going to do it until I already did it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
A million plus people are going to hear this. | |
| Someone's going to tell them. | ||
| Alright, well then fucking I better figure it out. | ||
| I'll call my agent. | ||
| I guarantee you they have fire codes. | ||
| Dude, I've done it in the fucking thousand places. | ||
| Have you ever let anybody know beforehand on a podcast? | ||
| I feel like a fucking flashback from Calgary coming in. | ||
| It's like all the times you've hit yourself in the head with sodas, you've knocked out this pre-planning segment of your brain that's just shorted out like a bad fuse. | ||
| Nah, dude, we'll figure it out. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| Maybe we'll have a bunch of people with fire extinguishers. | ||
| You would definitely have a bunch of people with fire extinguishers. | ||
| We'll let the fucking fire marshal know or whatever. | ||
| This is so important, man. | ||
| I have to do it. | ||
| Aren't you scared that, like, maybe you'll get really injured and you can't finish? | ||
| I mean, like, if you burn your face off? | ||
| One time I burned my neck really bad, and it hurts, but it's not gonna, like, stop me, you know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| Like, the rest of your show could be you looking, you know, like steam coming off your face and your lips all melted. | ||
| Wouldn't be the first time. | ||
| If it was you, that would be a real problem. | ||
| But if it's him, it's like, it's part of the fun. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Part of the fun is him being all fucked up. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I think it's... | ||
| Whatever. | ||
| I mean, the... | ||
| The crazier the better. | ||
| I'm in this to fucking really make an impression. | ||
| You're in it to win it. | ||
| It's gonna go on. | ||
| It's kind of a one-man show. | ||
| But the thing is, it's also fully stand-up, man. | ||
| I've been on tour doing stand-up for five years now. | ||
| Yeah, I remember when you first started doing it. | ||
| You first started doing it right around the time you were getting sober, right? | ||
| I had been sober for two years when I really dove into it. | ||
| I wasn't sober yet when I first started. | ||
| Oh, you weren't? | ||
| Yeah, first time I tried it was 2006. Oh, okay. | ||
| So you took a break and then came back. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I just dabbled in it. | ||
| I didn't do it heavy until I'd been sober for a couple years. | ||
| But that's pretty much what you do now. | ||
| Pretty much, yeah. | ||
| Now, is being sober, does that fuck with your ability to do a lot of these crazy stunts? | ||
| Well, obviously not. | ||
| You know, I would say that... | ||
| I mean, if you're, like, sober, like, you know, like... | ||
| Deliberately hurting yourself isn't necessarily easier, but I never did that because I was wasted. | ||
| I did it because I'm an attention whore. | ||
| Sober or not, take away the drugs and alcohol, I'm still an attention whore. | ||
| But you embrace that. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| Why do you think I have a fucking tattoo of myself on my back? | ||
| You know, like everybody's favorite topic of conversation is themselves. | ||
| I'm just like, I think that's hilarious and I'm cool with admitting it. | ||
| But it just seems like if you were fucked up on drugs and you made this career of like getting hammered and going out and doing wild crazy stunts that got you injured and then you cut out the getting fucked up part. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you're still injuring yourself. | ||
| Well, I mean, injuring myself isn't as much of it. | ||
| I mean, sure, I'll still do. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| What's the most injured you've ever gotten? | ||
| I threw myself off of a balcony at the University of Miami. | ||
| After I dropped out, and then I came back and just lived there, even though I wasn't allowed to. | ||
| And there was a keg party, and I was trying to impress this fat chick, and I was on the balcony, but I had taken too many pills and drank too much booze. | ||
| And I'm telling this girl, this was in, I think it was January of 1995. And I'm telling this girl, I said, I'm gonna be like a fucking super rad stuntman. | ||
| And we're on this second floor balcony and I tell her like, Okay, I'm gonna be this fucking gnarly stuntman. | ||
| Picture this. | ||
| Imagine there's a fight on the balcony, and I get punched, and I'm pretending I get punched, and I just throw myself off the balcony. | ||
| Now, I used to throw myself off the balconies all the time, but not when I was that fucked up and not when I was trying to pretend that I had been punched. | ||
| So my whole game plan, the way I would do it, I did it different. | ||
| I didn't catch the bottom. | ||
| with my hand and then let myself go I just spun over the railing and so I spun over the railing and landed on my fucking face on the bottom and I broke I have the CAT scans they're so gnarly like I broke my my cheekbone I broke seven teeth. | ||
| I had 10 stitches in my chin, a concussion, and a broken wrist. | ||
| That's actually pretty good, considering you fell onto what? | ||
| Concrete. | ||
| And I was landing there, and I was fucking face down. | ||
| From where I needed the 10 stitches, I had a pool of blood growing. | ||
| I was face down in it. | ||
| I'm not even fucking twitching a finger at all. | ||
| There's just blood pooling, and I'm not moving, and everyone's like... | ||
| Thinks I'm probably dead. | ||
| But my buddies were like, they're like, man, if he's not dead, he's gonna need that weed in his pockets. | ||
| I remember I had like kind weed, you know, like fucking proper good weed in one pocket and like swag weed in the other. | ||
| And they, you know, pulled it out. | ||
| And in the morning, I knew my mom was like, I don't even remember landing. | ||
| Like, I don't remember anything, you know, and they called the ambulance, whatever, and it came. | ||
| And then in the morning, I woke up and I was so fucked up. | ||
| It was unbelievable. | ||
| But I knew my mom was on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. | ||
| But I told them, I said, oh, I need to call my mom. | ||
| And they said, of course. | ||
| But what I did was I called my buddies down at the University of Miami. | ||
| I said, hey, I'm going to fucking leave out the fucking emergency room entrance right now. | ||
| Come scoop me up. | ||
| And so I broke out of the hospital in my gown. | ||
| And they came and picked me up. | ||
| And I went back to the spot. | ||
| And I stood right over the pool of blood. | ||
| And I tried to pound a beer, but I couldn't because it hurt too bad. | ||
| I couldn't eat or anything, and my sinuses would fill with blood, and then I would hawk it, you know, like you hawk a loogie, and then spit it out, and it was just blood loogies for like two weeks. | ||
| I tried to eat applesauce, and I couldn't even fucking eat applesauce because I was so busted up, and so a bowl of applesauce sat next to my bed just with blood loogies in it. | ||
| I just used it as a spitter. | ||
| I broke my wrist too. | ||
| So I had the cast on my wrist for like whatever you have it on for six weeks. | ||
| And my mom like sort of felt bad for me because my I broke seven teeth, and so all my front teeth are all busted out. | ||
| And she knew I was a fuck-up. | ||
| Which teeth? | ||
| It was one of my front ones, and then there was one that didn't break, and then the one on the other side of that one did break, so it looked extra bad. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Right. | ||
| And my mom felt bad for me. | ||
| She felt bad for me, and she's sort of an enabler, too. | ||
| She set a dentist appointment for me to get my teeth fixed. | ||
| And she was going to pay for it. | ||
| And I still got the cast to my wrist. | ||
| And the night before the fucking dentist appointment where I'm going to get my teeth fixed is when I get fucking arrested for my first drunk driving. | ||
| And so they fucking take me into Miami-Dade fucking county jail. | ||
| And I'm in the holding cell there. | ||
| And one of the fucking, like, correctional officers in the jail looks at my fucking cast and says that cast is a potential weapon. | ||
| If I get into a fight in the holding cell, now I'm going to have an unfair advantage because I've got this cast on my arm. | ||
| So they're like, you can't be in this fucking holding cell. | ||
| You have to go in to this gnarly fucking crazy fucking cell with all the people who are in here for the longest stretch of time. | ||
| Oh, God. | ||
| You know, and the first thing I had to do was go and get naked and take a fucking shower in the back of this big cell with all these bunk beds and all these fucking creepy assholes. | ||
| And I'm like, this sucks, man. | ||
| I called my mom and I was like, Mom, you know, I'm in jail. | ||
| And she's like... | ||
| She's like, what? | ||
| She says, I'm not bailing you out unless you go door-to-door straight to rehab. | ||
| And I'm like, okay! | ||
| So I went to rehab in 1995. And I remember these fucking guys. | ||
| One of the counselors says, yeah, 95% of all alcoholics die drunk of alcohol. | ||
| Causes related directly to alcoholism, you know like most people like they don't get sober, you know like and I'm sitting there thinking man This guy's telling me like if I'd like really wanted to get sober I got a five percent chance. | ||
| I'm like fuck that, you know So I stayed loaded like I just resigned myself to being loaded forever and it wasn't until like 13 years later I've finally got it. | ||
| So him saying that... | ||
| Kept me fucking wasted, but what it did, really, what it did was it just made me not, like, get sober until I was really ready, you know? | ||
| And what made you really ready? | ||
| Well, I mean, fuck. | ||
| I got, like, Knoxville pulled an intervention on me. | ||
| That's when you know you're fucked up. | ||
| I know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Johnny Knoxville steps in and goes, dude, you're too crazy. | |
| Yeah, you know you got a problem when that's your interventionist. | ||
| What was going on that he had to step in? | ||
| Well, I had this, like, fucking mass email thing, and I was, like, broadcasting my downward spiral in, like, fucking real time to, like, you know, 200 of the most, like, You know, influential fucking people in the entertainment industry who had the misfortune of giving me their info, you know? | ||
| And it was just, like, more fucked up. | ||
| And it just kept getting worse and worse. | ||
| And I got arrested for, like, felony cocaine possession. | ||
| That was another one of my fucking arrests. | ||
| What's felony cocaine possession? | ||
| You have a certain amount? | ||
| Well, there's no such thing as misdemeanor cocaine possession, I suppose. | ||
| Not even like a little bit? | ||
| Nah, you got a little... | ||
| It's a felony, yeah. | ||
| But I got evicted. | ||
| I got arrested. | ||
| This is when I had... | ||
| My neighbor in this apartment building I lived in was always calling the cops because I deserved it. | ||
| He was a lawyer, and I'm like an asshole, and I'm always making all this noise, so the cops were always coming. | ||
| But typically they would get to my apartment and they'd be stoked. | ||
| They'd be like, oh, no way, Steve-O, cool, man, have a good night. | ||
| And so they would take off, you know, or I would play nice, but this guy's just fucking, his life was misery because of me. | ||
| But the thing was that because I was such a fucking loaded asshole with all my fucking drugs and fucking being wasted, I just became particularly mad at him for always calling the cops on me. | ||
| I'd, like, fucking take, like, a baseball bat and, like, pound his door or whatever, like, fuck you, call the cops, you know? | ||
| Oh, no. | ||
| And I was, like, pounding on the wall that separated our apartments, like, all the time. | ||
| Just like, how do you like that, fucker, you know? | ||
| How do you like that? | ||
| And I pounded on the wall so hard that I fucking actually pounded a hole through the wall where I'm looking into his apartment. | ||
| You know and see his apartment I punched Yeah, I was looking Well, I mean Well, the thing was that I pounded enough and then I took a broomstick and fucking Just pounded and pounded and pounded until I got through you know and So now he calls the the cops and they actually have to arrest me for For whatever, for fucking vandalism. | ||
| It was a misdemeanor, but I've now vandalized his property by pounding through the wall. | ||
| So they come to arrest me, and this time it doesn't matter if they're stoked or whatever. | ||
| And I'm so blown out on fucking ketamine, and I don't know what's going on, and I got a fucking bag of cocaine in my pocket. | ||
| And I open up the door. | ||
| I'm shirtless. | ||
| I have no shoes on. | ||
| And a bag of cocaine in my pocket, and I'm out of my mind, and they're like, hey, we're taking you to jail because we have to arrest you for vandalism. | ||
| And it's going to be cold, and so as a courtesy, you can go in there and put on a shirt and put on some shoes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And I'm like, fuck a shirt and fuck some shoes! | |
| Meanwhile, that would have been the perfect opportunity for me to go in, take the bag of cocaine out of my pocket, And I put on, you know, like it was a perfect opportunity, but I'm like, fuck that! | ||
| So they take me to jail with no shirt, no shoes, and a fucking, and I get reared. | ||
| They go through a property, you know, when they process you into jail. | ||
| And so they pull out a bag of cocaine and they re-arrest me at the jail. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So I'm in there. | ||
| So I'm in there for like three days or something and it's on the news and the apartment building's fucking over me even though I rented four apartments in the building. | ||
| Why did you rent four? | ||
| Because one was a skate park. | ||
|
unidentified
|
One was a skate park. | |
| One was sort of like my buddies. | ||
| One guy who edited my videos and stuff. | ||
| It was kind of an office. | ||
| I had this assistant chick. | ||
| It was such a fucking joke. | ||
| I mean, her job was just to tell people that she couldn't find me and constantly change my flights because I would always miss my flights, you know? | ||
| She was like, travel agent at best, but I had an apartment for her, and then I had my bachelor pad, so it was four. | ||
| And still, the fucking apartment's like, get the fuck out of here. | ||
| When you're renting four apartments and then you still get evicted, like, that's when you know you fucked up. | ||
| Well, especially when one of them was a skate park. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I know, but it was like, next to it on one side was a fucking Russian hooker operation. | ||
| So they weren't complaining. | ||
| You know, they had dudes coming in to fuck these hookers all day long. | ||
| Where did you live? | ||
| Right across the street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you get a discount still? | |
| Do you know anybody? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It was a long time ago, but it was right across the street from Rock and Roll Ralph's. | ||
| Oh, right in the midst. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, right on the part of Sunset Boulevard with a lot of hookers. | ||
| That's a dangerous place to live. | ||
| And the lawyers live in there? | ||
| He's probably shady. | ||
| Take a look at him closer. | ||
| I don't know that I ever actually met him. | ||
| What? | ||
| I mean, yelling through the door or whatever, maybe like a son, but I wouldn't have recognized him. | ||
| Do you feel like you want to go back and apologize to him? | ||
| I tried. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did you? | |
| I tried. | ||
| I actually had his email, and... | ||
| I reached out to him and I said, hey, it would mean a lot to me if we could meet up. | ||
| And he just declined. | ||
| So I had to respect that. | ||
| But he declined in an email. | ||
| He declined. | ||
| He declined to meet me. | ||
| So I just sort of, when you're in that situation and you want to go through and make things right, you had to respect that. | ||
| You can't be persistent. | ||
| To make it right to that guy, it's called a living amends, where I'm not going to do that to anybody else. | ||
| And this is a part of the thing about rehab? | ||
| Yeah, of course. | ||
| It's basically a thing about life. | ||
| But it's something that they ask you to do when you're going through rehab? | ||
| Right. | ||
| It would be considered step nine of the 12 steps. | ||
| We made direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. | ||
| So yeah, so that's part of the deal. | ||
| And now, I finally get out of jail and I come back and there's a fucking eviction notice on my door. | ||
| You know, like, get the fuck out within three days. | ||
| Oh, actually, there was that, yeah. | ||
| And, like, I had all drugs in my apartment. | ||
| So, like, I get back and, like, there's the eviction notice, but, like, I just go straight for, like, the vials of ketamine. | ||
| I had, like, two or three more vials of ketamine. | ||
| I cooked them up in the microwave. | ||
| You know, I went digging through. | ||
| Cooked them up in the microwave? | ||
| How do you handle ketamine? | ||
| Well, I mean, it's best. | ||
| I never just, like, injected shit. | ||
| I just never got that far. | ||
| But you just cook it in the microwave and it evaporates, like, the maybe water? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| And you're left with, like, the plate. | ||
| It's, like, crusted to the plate. | ||
| And then you scrape it up with, like, a card. | ||
| And then what do you do with that? | ||
| Snort it. | ||
| Snort it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Now, how did you get started on ketamine? | ||
| Because ketamine is like a cat. | ||
| I love that. | ||
| I love that shit, dude. | ||
| I love, dude. | ||
| That was my favorite, man. | ||
| Do you know Neil Brennan? | ||
| First time I tried it, I don't think so. | ||
| Neil Brennan, he's a co-creator of The Chappelle Show, stand-up comic, funny guy. | ||
| He's been taking ketamine treatments for depression. | ||
| Oh, my God. | ||
| I'm so jealous. | ||
| It's one of the more recent... | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| It's one of the more recent treatments for depression. | ||
| Why? | ||
| Well, because it resets any intense psychedelic experience. | ||
| And ketamine, even though it's a tranquilizer, is thought of as a pretty intense psychedelic. | ||
| It's super dissociative. | ||
| It's basically a pharmaceutical PCP. Really? | ||
| That's how you look at it? | ||
| Yeah, it's what it is, man, really. | ||
| But did you have out-of-body experiences or any experiences where you felt like you went into another dimension and trips, you know, the K-hole experience? | ||
| Some of the experiences I had with ketamine, like... | ||
| Depth perception? | ||
| Like some fear and loathing shit. | ||
| I remember my fucking feet are like 30 feet away. | ||
| I remember one time I was in a hotel room in London with just way too much of the shit. | ||
| And at one point the whole hotel room just started free-falling. | ||
| From the sky? | ||
| Well, looking up. | ||
| I could actually see an elevator shaft type deal that it was falling through. | ||
| The hotel room started free falling. | ||
| And I'm just thinking, whoa! | ||
| And I remember being so stoked. | ||
| I remember thinking, Jim Morrison doesn't have shit on me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, I'm so good at being a drug addict. | |
| Like, whatever, you know. | ||
| So yeah, I'm cooking up the ketamine and whatever, and I pack... | ||
| But does it come in a liquid form? | ||
| It comes in a vial. | ||
| So it's initially a liquid. | ||
| Like the kind of vial where you would stick a needle into it. | ||
| A needle and it's a shoot into a cat, usually. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| It's like a horse. | ||
| I think horse as much. | ||
| Yeah? | ||
| Horse? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| I mean, PCP started out as an anesthetic. | ||
| That was the idea for it. | ||
| But yeah, within like two hours of walking out of jail, I have my buddy videotaping me. | ||
| I'm jumping up and down on the roof of a parked car. | ||
| Screaming, God is the sun. | ||
| Whatever that means, you know? | ||
| And like, and like this... | ||
|
unidentified
|
And you so profound. | |
| I've got it figured out, man! | ||
|
unidentified
|
Need the sun! | |
| You need the sun for plants, dude! | ||
| And this squad of security guards comes over and, like, what's going on? | ||
| I mean, it's amazing that I didn't go right back into jail for another... | ||
| I have pockets full of drugs, you know? | ||
| And that bender lasted for, I don't know, maybe 24 hours. | ||
| And now I've got... | ||
| My three days is... | ||
| I've got one more day. | ||
| I've got to be out of the apartment. | ||
| So I send the mass email list. | ||
| I say, with all the jackass guys on it, but of course, 200 high-power people in Hollywood need to know this. | ||
| Hey, Knoxville and guys, I've got to be out of my apartment tomorrow. | ||
| And I'm not fucking leaving my apartment. | ||
| I don't want to fucking leave here until I jump out of my bedroom window. | ||
| You know, it should be like a 25-foot drop onto the sidewalk. | ||
| And I need you guys to bring something for me to land on, preferably a hot tub. | ||
| I wanted to put a hot tub and cannonball into it out of my bedroom window. | ||
| And in my sliding glass door in the living room, I could pull it open and I wanted to put a ramp in the living room and ride a motorcycle off the ramp through the sliding glass door and jump onto the roof of the gym. | ||
| Could you imagine if you owned an apartment building and this motherfucker rents a spot there? | ||
| Noxel makes fun of me about the sliding glass door because he's just like a three foot gap to the building next door. | ||
| That part was a gimme. | ||
| So I said, you guys come over and bring a fucking camera. | ||
| We're going to fucking start filming. | ||
| Like, Jackass 3. And like, you know, get over here. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Before I leave, we're going to do my eviction party stunts. | ||
| And so basically, I scheduled my own intervention. | ||
| Knoxville reached out to Dr. Drew, who was on the list, the email list. | ||
| He's like, hey, Steve-O's about to die. | ||
| And Dr. Drew said, yeah, you're right. | ||
| He said, get over there and fucking, if you've got to tie him up, put him in the trunk. | ||
| Like, uh... | ||
| Take him to the hospital. | ||
| Oh, and the other part, I said, if you don't bring anything for me to land on, I'm fucking jumping anyway. | ||
| I promise. | ||
| I'm ready to die. | ||
| So they printed that up. | ||
| It was like me threatening my own life, which qualified me for the 5150 law, where you can lock someone into a psychiatric ward. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| So they came over. | ||
| It wasn't the kind of intervention where they ask, if you're willing to accept help, you know? | ||
| It's like, we're taking you to the psych ward. | ||
| This is what's gonna happen. | ||
| If you don't like it, we're gonna kick your ass and take you anyway. | ||
| So they take me to the psych ward for the 72-hour hold. | ||
| Which is like, you know, everybody's been on that. | ||
| Britney Spears are like, you know, the whole deal. | ||
| But the thing was, when we got there, I was like, spitting on people. | ||
| I was just like, not fucking cool. | ||
| And like, I was trying to like, throw shit around. | ||
| And, you know, like, I remember because I thought I was going to like, calmly explain that it was a misunderstanding and be out of there. | ||
| But what happened was they had the emails printed out where I'm saying, I'm ready to die. | ||
| And so they had me. | ||
| I wasn't talking my way out of it. | ||
| Once I realized I wasn't getting out of it, then... | ||
| I'm like, fuck, you know, I go to take a chair and throw it. | ||
| And I get fucking tackled by these orderly dudes, you know? | ||
| And they slam me onto this fucking stretcher bed thing with straps on it. | ||
| And someone jabs a needle in my butt cheek, and then I just straight took a nap. | ||
| Like, that Thor is eating shit, man. | ||
| Like, it was gnarly, man. | ||
| So they just held you down and whacked you with that stuff? | ||
| Yeah, they just held me down and fucking jammed it to my butt cheek, and I was out, dude. | ||
| And then I woke up from my nap, and I'm in... | ||
| It was so funny, too, because... | ||
| They tied down? | ||
| It was at Cedars-Sinai, the Thallians, you know? | ||
| What's that mean? | ||
| Thallians was just the mental health division or whatever. | ||
| So, like, they have... | ||
| They had two wings of the psych ward there. | ||
| They've got the standard issue, harmful to yourself or others, committed for the involuntary psychiatric hold. | ||
| Then they've got the The something else. | ||
| The extraordinarily, you know, like, the extraordinarily qualifying individuals, you know? | ||
| And that's you. | ||
| The something else wing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| So they had me on the something else wing. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And, like, my roommate was, like, fucking, like, hiding in the closet from, like, fucking... | ||
| Demons. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| It was... | ||
| I mean, I had been hearing voices for, like, a couple years, you know? | ||
| Like... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But nothing like this guy. | ||
| What did the voices say? | ||
| Steve-O, you're the best! | ||
| Take two of yourself on your back! | ||
| I had angels and demons, you know? | ||
| Like, some of them would tell me, like, you're worthless, you need to die. | ||
| And I would be, like, trying to suffocate myself to death, you know? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Well, yeah, I mean, not, like, with anything. | ||
| I'm just holding my breath. | ||
| So non-committal. | ||
| Well, no, man. | ||
| That was, like, a... | ||
| Well, right, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're right. | |
| But the whole thing was I was hearing voices because I was huffing so much nitrous oxide. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
| While you were doing ketamine? | ||
| While I was doing cocaine. | ||
| I need to smoke this joint. | ||
| Just fucking relax. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I can't with you in the room. | |
| I know. | ||
| You make me feel so much better about myself. | ||
| I used to watch interventions so that I could feel better about myself. | ||
| I'm worried about your health more than I'm worried about you overdosing. | ||
| It's a slow deterioration of your fiber. | ||
| Like the stuff that keeps you together. | ||
| You're talking to me or him? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm fine now. | |
| I feel great now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I feel like I just worked out after talking to Steve. | |
| You just had some new grass juice and a yoga class. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I had to feel like a kale coming out my ass. | |
| Yeah, I mean, but whatever, like they said something else word like people are like that not people one guy I remember one guy like shit on the fucking ground and was like breakdancing in it like trying to like I mean, it sounds like I'm making it up. | ||
| I swear I'm not, dude. | ||
| His goal was to, like, smear it around and spread it around as much as he could. | ||
| And this is in the room with you? | ||
| No, no, that was in the hallway. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, Jesus Christ. | |
| That was in the hallway. | ||
| It was another dude. | ||
| He's breakdancing on his own shit. | ||
| Dude, I mean, it looked like he was breakdancing, but he was, like, he took his shit and he was trying to smear it around as much as he could, and so it just looked like he was breakdancing. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| And they had me in there, and because I was so... | ||
| Because I was so belligerent. | ||
| I was so belligerent that they changed my status from 5150 to 5250, which meant 5150 is three days, 5250 is two weeks. | ||
| So they had me for two weeks. | ||
| And after four days, then they moved me over to the regular psych ward. | ||
| And I was in there, and... | ||
| This guy who says he's a heroin addict, and he's a patient, and he's got this book about alcoholism. | ||
| And he's like, dude, this book can really help you. | ||
| You need this book. | ||
| And I'm like, why is a fucking heroin addict giving me a book about alcoholism when we're both on suicide watch in a psych ward? | ||
| What's the deal? | ||
| And I was like, at the point, I'm like, dude, I can't. | ||
| I can't get sober. | ||
| I couldn't. | ||
| I honestly felt like, not even felt like, I mean, just core belief. | ||
| If I could have ever gotten sober, I was past that point. | ||
| I was too far down the line. | ||
| I was a write-off, a lost cause. | ||
| From the fucking first time I was in rehab, there's no chance. | ||
| One night, I couldn't sleep. | ||
| I just opened this fucking stupid book. | ||
| Not to find a solution, but straight up to kill time. | ||
| That's all I'm trying to do. | ||
| I'm reading it, and it's talking about... | ||
| You know, like, hopeless alcoholics determined to die, and this and that, and then, like, they become, like, you know, they get better or whatever, you know, they become, like, the finest men you could meet. | ||
| And I'm like, just remember reading and thinking, like, dude, what it's saying is, like, that the more hopeless, the more fucked up you are, the better the chance is for recovery, which is actually great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Fully. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fully. | |
| Why is that? | ||
| Because if you have, like, any inkling that, like, you can manage it, that you could get better, that you could stop on your own, then you're just straight up not a candidate. | ||
| So that's the rock bottom theory? | ||
| Pretty much. | ||
| And it's true. | ||
| If you feel like you got it or it's not that big of a deal. | ||
| That's Brian. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| That's Brian. | ||
| He's fucked. | ||
| I mean, like, step one. | ||
| We admitted we were powerless over alcohol. | ||
| Or drugs or whatever the case may be. | ||
| And that I successfully did. | ||
| I can't do it. | ||
| I'm fucking powerless. | ||
| And so that's the first step. | ||
| That's the prerequisite. | ||
| And so it's like, I don't know. | ||
| And then these guys come in and talk about alcoholism, and I wouldn't have fucking ever listened to a word they said, but I was locked up in a psych ward, and so I did. | ||
| And I'm like, you know, thinking there's nothing I could do about it, but they told their stories and how they lived and I'm like, oh, well these guys can do it, you know? | ||
| And so I was just like, my life is a fucking mess. | ||
| I was in the psych ward long enough to be like, okay, my life's a fucking mess. | ||
| It's time. | ||
| And I went to rehab and, you know, like... | ||
| And so you've been clean from then on? | ||
| Seven and a half years. | ||
| Just from that moment on? | ||
| From the psych ward on? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And has there been any moments where you attempted to go off the wagon? | ||
| I mean, sure, but I went from there, door to door, into a rehab. | ||
| And I remember, because I knew from back in the day, the whole 95% of alcoholics don't get sober, the guy who was in charge of the rehab, and back then it was Dr. Drew. | ||
| He was the chemical dependency director of this hospital in Pasadena. | ||
| It's a nice place to go, Pasadena. | ||
| Yeah, and I told Drew, I said, hey man, I'm fresh out of the psych ward. | ||
| I was such a fucking character. | ||
| And I'm like, dude, I know that the odds are not in my fucking favor. | ||
| I don't want to waste my time. | ||
| If I'm going to do this, I want to get it right. | ||
| So I told Drew, however long you recommend that I... That I stay here, I want to stay significantly longer because I want to give myself an advantage. | ||
| He said, that's great, but don't stay here more than 30 days. | ||
| If you're really serious, go into a sober living, like a halfway house kind of a deal. | ||
| And so I did, man. | ||
| I did everything those fucking people told me. | ||
| I did all the fucking recovery shit that they talk about. | ||
| I did it all And I went into that fucking sober living and I stayed there until I had two full years of sobriety. | ||
| You stayed in sober living for two years? | ||
| Well, I was bouncing around treatment for six months. | ||
| Because I was having a tough time with it. | ||
| I just stayed in fucking treatment. | ||
| When you say bouncing around treatment. | ||
| Well, I did 30 days there. | ||
| Then I went into a sober living that doubled. | ||
| It was sort of mid-level care. | ||
| So I was free to go at night as long as I was home by curfew. | ||
| But all day long, we had all of our little groups and structured rehab activities. | ||
| How much does all this shit cost? | ||
| It's got to be stupid expensive. | ||
| It was stupid. | ||
| The 30 days was like $100,000. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| What the fuck? | ||
| And I didn't even necessarily know that. | ||
| So how did you pay for all this? | ||
| I paid for it with my own money. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So you're just burning through your savings while you're in there. | ||
| Burning through savings, yeah. | ||
| Big time. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So six months and then two years. | ||
| It's better than the fucking $300,000 I spent on fucking suing my family. | ||
| These fucking people I knew I was going to get nothing out of. | ||
| You spent 300 grand suing people that you knew you were going to get nothing out of? | ||
| I got my back catalog. | ||
| These guys that I had a distribution deal with. | ||
| I got my back catalog of DVDs, but whatever. | ||
| That's not worth anything anymore. | ||
| It was just a straight resentment. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| I just wanted to fuck their lives up. | ||
| Yeah, I know that. | ||
| And I did it, but it cost me 300 grand. | ||
| Rehab was a better investment. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So while you're in there, are you working? | ||
| Hell no. | ||
| I had fucking burned all my bridges, man. | ||
| We weren't doing anything with Jackass. | ||
| And anything else I had going on, I had a TV show which really did well in the ratings, but I was such a fucking nightmare that they canceled it just on the grounds that they did not want to fuck with me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I had the spot right after Monday Night Raw, the wrestling on the USA Network. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| I came on immediately after and I kept like a fucking whopping percentage of their viewership. | ||
| What was the name of the show? | ||
| Dr. Stevo. | ||
| I went around in a fucking modified ambulance with a hot chick and a fucking 365 pound black football player driver dude. | ||
| Just trying to de-wussify America one wussy at a time. | ||
| What were you trying to get them to do? | ||
| I would accept submissions where people would be like, Dr. Stevo, I need your help. | ||
| I'm a wussy. | ||
| This is my unique case. | ||
| And I would prescribe for them some kind of outrageous jackass bullshit to make them come out of their shell. | ||
| It was good, man. | ||
| I did a great job. | ||
| Problem was, as soon as the camera stopped rolling, I fell off of the radar. | ||
| Except for my... | ||
| It was with Buena Memori, the production company. | ||
| I started openly attacking... | ||
| John Murray. | ||
| Why? | ||
| For 200 people. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nah, fuck. | |
| Because he wouldn't pay somebody, one of my buddies, something I wanted them to get paid for. | ||
| Which they weren't obligated to fucking pay in the first place, but I'm trying to ruin his reputation with all these on my fucking crazy email list. | ||
| And that was what killed the show, despite the fact that it was number one in its fucking time slot. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| So I didn't have that fucking, to get to distract me from my recovery. | ||
| So you are doing, you're just doing nothing but recovery. | ||
| I was doing nothing but recovery. | ||
| So how do you spend your days, like, when you're doing that? | ||
| Um, well, I mean, when you're in rehab, rehab, like, you got, like, fucking structured shit all day long. | ||
| Like, what does that mean? | ||
| Like, what do you do? | ||
| I mean, like, different kind of groups, like, uh, they take you out to various kinds of meetings, you know, like, um, You got, like, fucking little therapy bits, like, you know, whatever. | ||
| It's basically like summer camp. | ||
| It's just everything is geared towards teaching you how to stay sober. | ||
| All day long? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, how much can they teach you about staying sober? | ||
| I'm confused. | ||
| There's a lot. | ||
| I mean, a lot of it's redundant. | ||
| Yeah, but it's going on for two years. | ||
| Oh, no, no. | ||
| I'm talking about the first 30 days. | ||
| I'm talking about the first 30 days. | ||
| So the first 30 days is teaching you coping mechanisms, what to do. | ||
| Yeah, and mostly just sort of keeping you in a safe environment is really what it is. | ||
| Keeping you occupied and drilling into your head that you can do this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| 30 days isn't going to do shit for anybody because it's such a slow process. | ||
| It was great for me to stay in that environment for two years because then I'm an undisciplined motherfucker. | ||
| By the end of it, I was so used to being up by 9am with my bed made, pissing into fucking plastic cups at random twice a week. | ||
| Scrubbing the toilet when it's my turn to scrub the toilet. | ||
| Keeping everything... | ||
| And I did that when I'm filming Jackass 3D. I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta go fucking get launched into the fucking sky in a port-a-potty full of dog shit. | ||
| I might be a little bit late for curfew tonight. | ||
| Or whatever. | ||
| What's curfew? | ||
| What time? | ||
| On the weekdays, it was... | ||
| 10? | ||
| And then on the weekends, it was 11 or 12. What? | ||
| Or maybe not. | ||
| I think it was 11 on the weekdays and 12 on the weekends. | ||
| I think it's hilarious that after a certain time of night, they think you're just going to get wacky. | ||
| Well, I mean, whatever. | ||
| You can't stay up. | ||
| You can't go to a diner. | ||
| You know what, dude? | ||
| It saved my life, man. | ||
| It fucking saved my life big time. | ||
| And I'm so fucking stoked about it. | ||
| So just the schedule, the rigid schedule, the routine? | ||
| Yeah, the structure, man. | ||
| Did you enjoy it in there? | ||
| Did you have fun? | ||
| Did you meet nice people? | ||
| I mean, I remember it pretty well. | ||
| My roommate was cool, and he snored, which was the fucking greatest thing ever, because I knew when it was cool to jack off, you know? | ||
| You know, it's like the sweet sounds of snoring. | ||
| You know, because it's like awkward jacking up with a guy in the room. | ||
| But if he's snoring, it's totally cool. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And so that helped a lot, man. | ||
| He wanted to do his fake snoring with one eye open, watching you beat up, and he's joining him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
In the middle of you jerking off and hearing him moaning. | |
| Yeah, dude, that was fine, man. | ||
| Like, I mean, that helped a lot. | ||
| If he didn't snore, I would have... | ||
| Had a tougher time, you know? | ||
| So, are you allowed to have relationships where you're in there? | ||
| Are you supposed to, like, stare clear of anything that can sort of distract you? | ||
| I mean, there's no, like, hard and fast rule about that. | ||
| Like, they say, like, avoid getting in a relationship in your first year. | ||
| Your first year? | ||
| Yeah, I got into a relationship. | ||
| I mean, I, like... | ||
| What if you find, like, the perfect girl? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, it happens. | ||
| Sorry, bitch. | ||
| Working on my sobriety. | ||
| Right, it happens, you know? | ||
| But, like, there's just not, like, you know, like, relationships gone sideways is, like, the number one fucking thing that makes people get loaded, you know? | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| That makes sense. | ||
| Yeah, so it's good to, like, kind of, like, you know, just worry about, you know, your sobriety. | ||
| But I had seven months, and I got in a relationship with a chick who had, like, one year. | ||
| And it was cool, you know? | ||
| Like, we were, like, it lasted for, like, ten months. | ||
| So when you're in there, you're in there for 30 days, this is the hardcore version, and then you go from the 30 days to a living situation? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| And now, is that like a house? | ||
| How does that work? | ||
| It was like an apartment complex at that point. | ||
| So you got your own apartment then? | ||
| Yeah, but I had... | ||
|
unidentified
|
No skate park. | |
| No, no skate park. | ||
| Yeah, like, that was my thing. | ||
| I was like, man, I used to have fucking four apartments in one building. | ||
| Now I got four dudes in one apartment. | ||
| So you had to live with other people in your apartment. | ||
| Yeah, I had a roommate and, you know, there's a two-bedroom apartment and two guys in each room. | ||
| What? | ||
| Yeah, and that was the deal. | ||
| Why is that the deal? | ||
| Because they want to make sure you're not alone by yourself where you can do devious shit? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I guess. | |
| I mean, like, perhaps, you know, I guess that's kind of the deal. | ||
| But now what happened there, and we would have groups from 8 or 9 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon, and then you're free to go. | ||
| And I would be skateboarding or whatever, trying to film some wacky shit or whatever. | ||
| I didn't do much in a professional sense. | ||
| And I was working on all this 12-step shit. | ||
| So I would do the... | ||
| The searching and fearless moral inventory, where we go through, basically, what have we done that we feel... | ||
| We make a list of resentments, we make a list of fears, and we make a list of shit we feel guilty about. | ||
| That's basically how it works. | ||
| I started off with just the shit I felt guilty about. | ||
| I just basically wrote a list of the shit that I felt the most terrible about. | ||
| If anyone's in recovery, avoid making this mistake. | ||
| I treated it like I was just... | ||
| Putting myself on trial for being a bad person. | ||
| The whole point is just to figure out what... | ||
| And you take an inventory, and you discard what's not helpful, and you keep what is. | ||
| You discontinue shit that doesn't serve you. | ||
| But I'm like, no, I'm a terrible person. | ||
| I did this, and this, and this, and this. | ||
| And then I'm like, oh, fuck. | ||
| I went into a gnarly depression and felt like I don't deserve to live. | ||
| I checked myself into psych ward number two. | ||
| While you were in recovery. | ||
| Because you were going over. | ||
| I had three months of sobriety and I went to one of my meetings. | ||
| All the work I'm putting into my fucking recovery All I feel like I'm getting out of it is self-hatred. | ||
| I feel like I just can't forgive myself for the shit I've done. | ||
| I fucking hate myself, you know? | ||
| And this all came about from just doing an inventory on your past? | ||
| Pretty much, yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And it says in some of the literature, man, it says that the inventory process will bring about self-loathing for a lot of people when we take an honest look at the fucking pieces of shit that we became. | ||
| That's not an uncommon side effect. | ||
| So what sort of tools do they give you to look at your past but not be angry at yourself, not judge yourself? | ||
| Well, I mean, I don't know. | ||
| When I'm helping guys get sober, I try and tell them, look, man, this isn't a process of putting you on trial, man. | ||
| This is just fucking figuring out what to stop doing. | ||
| And that's the best thing I can say about it. | ||
| But when I was in that second psych ward, like... | ||
| I wrote some letters to people who have felt the most fucked up about what I'd done. | ||
| And it actually kind of turned around where I was like, today I'm fucking so thankful for the shit that I did that I felt that bad about because no longer is it like, oh, I don't deserve to live because I did that. | ||
| For me today, I'm desperate to not be that asshole anymore. | ||
| When I first went in, I thought, man, this is going to be my new thing. | ||
| I'm going to get sober. | ||
| The world's going to owe me. | ||
| I'm going to revive my career a little bit. | ||
| But once I got through that point of The fucking, you know, the dust settling and me being able to, me being confronted with what I had turned into, then it wasn't even about what can I get out of it, you know? | ||
| It was just about, I don't want to be that fucking guy anymore. | ||
| And so I came out of that second rehab, or that second psych ward, and I was so desperate to not be that fucking piece of shit anymore. | ||
| And I was like, dude, I'm starting over. | ||
| And I went into the fucking, like, I went into another rehab, like the fucking, like the hardcore, you know? | ||
| And I was just like, I'm doing this... | ||
| I had my priorities straight. | ||
| And then I was there for 60 days. | ||
| By the time I finished that, it was six months. | ||
| And then I went into the regular sober living. | ||
| So there's a lot of fucking money you're spending here. | ||
| Yeah, the last rehab was $7,500 per month. | ||
| But yeah, it was like $30,000 that second rehab. | ||
| I don't remember the second psych ward. | ||
| I spent a lot of money on it, man. | ||
| What did the guys that you were in the apartment with, what did those guys do for a living that they could afford to live in this shack? | ||
| I paid the rent and I paid them each like a thousand bucks a month to do nothing. | ||
| Why'd you pay him money? | ||
|
unidentified
|
For what? | |
| Well, one guy just said that he was on call to edit whatever footage that I wanted edited to help me broadcast my downward spiral, basically. | ||
| I put some really upsetting videos out there. | ||
| So the people that you were living in the assisted situation, this is post the major rehab, right? | ||
| You were in the major rehab for 30 days, and then you were in the apartment. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There's different levels of rehab. | ||
| Yeah, and I wound up, like, back in... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I was in the whole deal. | ||
| At one point, I was in the house for a while, sharing a bedroom with the guy who snored. | ||
| And, you know, at the end, I was in the apartment. | ||
| But it was all the same deal. | ||
| And what did these guys do for a living that they could afford to, like, take all this time off of life, too? | ||
| The sober living situation was like... | ||
| You know, like, that was, like, $1,000 a month. | ||
| And that, you know... | ||
| Covers like your meals as well. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| So it's kind of more cost-effective than if you're gonna try and find an apartment or anything like that. | ||
| And in the sober living situation, it's like these guys work during the day and they would come there and stay with you? | ||
| Yeah, if you don't work, you have to do a certain number of hours of service work. | ||
| So I would volunteer at a nursing home. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was dope, man. | ||
| I'd go fucking hang out with old people and I'd call the bingo numbers. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then I would go and fucking film a movie for Paramount. | ||
| I'd be like, hey guys, I'm not going to be able to call bingo tomorrow because I'm going to be drinking a fat guy's sweat. | ||
| So when did it feel like you were free of the monkey? | ||
| When was the monkey off your back? | ||
| Well, you're never free of the monkey. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Never. | ||
| Right now you're not free. | ||
| I mean, whatever. | ||
| I just have a way that I live my life, you know, that I still stay connected. | ||
| It's like a fridge, man. | ||
| If you unplug the fridge, then everything in it's going to go rotten, you know? | ||
| You gotta stay plugged in, which means that these things that we do to stay sober, you just keep doing them. | ||
| What kind of things? | ||
| Well, helping other people stay sober is the biggest thing. | ||
| You take people through their 12 steps. | ||
| And who are these people that you take through? | ||
| Do you know them? | ||
| I mean, whatever. | ||
| You meet them in the community. | ||
| They'll ask you, will you be my sponsor? | ||
| And so when you have a sponsor, they call you up in the middle of the night, hey, I'm thinking about doing heroin, like that kind of thing, talk them down. | ||
| That is the idea. | ||
| It's better to call before you do it than after. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Because there's no point in talking to a loaded dude. | ||
| And how often do you do this? | ||
| How often do you work with people? | ||
| I mean, it depends. | ||
| Most guys aren't that active where they actually really call a lot, but I'm always starting a guy. | ||
| There's always guys I'm starting off, and just very few of them stick with it. | ||
| The guys I've taken all the way through the steps, there's been two. | ||
| Two out of how many? | ||
| Oh my god, well over a hundred. | ||
| So out of a hundred people, two of them have become totally sober. | ||
| I mean, they've been like... | ||
| To say totally sober, I mean, you're totally sober as long as you're not loaded. | ||
| Right, I mean, totally sober like you are right now. | ||
| Like, you're not doing any drugs, you have no plan. | ||
| One guy got all the way through the steps, but then he's drinking again, so, you know. | ||
| I got one guy that's been all the way through the steps that's still in. | ||
| Do you think, are you one of those people who thinks that if you were a junkie, that you have to be sober forever? | ||
| Like, you can't go back to, like, say if you had a heroin problem, you can't drink. | ||
| They say once you become a pickle, you never go back to being a cucumber. | ||
| So yeah, like, there's no, if I pick up a drink or a drug, I'm fucked. | ||
| I'll pick up exactly where I left off. | ||
| And then all I want is to make sure I'm doing enough drugs that people are walking around my fucking apartment, my house, who are not actually there. | ||
| But I know people that used to be like heroin addicts that can have beer, they can smoke a little weed. | ||
| Yeah, they can get away with it, man, then power to them. | ||
| It's dangerous to even try. | ||
| Why is it dangerous, though? | ||
| I mean, if they're free of it, like, okay, here's a perfect example. | ||
| Anthony Bourdain. | ||
| He was a heroin addict. | ||
| He was a junkie, full on. | ||
| He still likes to have a beer. | ||
| He likes to drink, doesn't drink at home. | ||
| Perry Farrell, I think, is like that. | ||
| You know, he can't have heroin, but he drinks wine or whatever. | ||
| Hey, man, power to him. | ||
| But for me, I come from a long line of alcoholics, man. | ||
| The way that my family is structured, or my lineage. | ||
| Dad broke the mold of his family. | ||
| Dad comes from a line of academics, PhDs, scholars, theologians, zoologists, and he broke the mold of his family. | ||
| By becoming a businessman and a super successful one at that. | ||
| Mom's side of the family, everybody is alcoholic, drug addict, gambler, suicide. | ||
| How'd your mom and dad meet? | ||
| Partying. | ||
| She was super hot, you know? | ||
| But yeah, so everybody in my mom's side of the family is either dead or dying from alcoholism. | ||
| I would say, I mean, my cousins, I guess. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| My one cousin's a mortician. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| That's a drug in and of itself. | ||
| I went to clown college. | ||
| He went to mortician school at the same time. | ||
| What's Clown College? | ||
| Ringling Brothers and Barnum Belly Clown College. | ||
| For real? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| What do you do? | ||
| This is an exploding shoe. | ||
| Well, like I said, I left the University of Miami. | ||
| I wanted to become a crazy stuntman. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And all I really accomplished with that, even with all my crazy skills with drinking bong water, I couldn't get a job. | ||
| And so I was just homeless for three years, just getting arrested and fucking hospitalized. | ||
| You were homeless for three years? | ||
| Well, I was couch surfing for three years. | ||
| I had the government test drugs on me for money. | ||
| What? | ||
| They do medical studies for whatever. | ||
| If it's going to come in contact with the human body, like if it's a toothpaste or something, they've got to do a medical study. | ||
| But if it's a toothpaste, then you're not going to get paid shit. | ||
| If it's fucking drugs for pigs and cows, then you're going to get it. | ||
| Based on how dangerous the study is, The more money you get. | ||
| So I signed up to have drugs for pigs and cows tested on me. | ||
| Which I recently found out the drug was banned. | ||
| Jesus fucking Christ, dude. | ||
| Yeah, because this was in January of 94. You're like a house that you get to the back, like, whoa, that's the last door. | ||
| Hold on, what's that over there? | ||
| Open that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, jeez, there's a whole other house in here. | |
| Yeah, it was like, they want 1994, like whatever, January of 94. And they wanted to pass this drug through the FDA called ractopamine hydrochloride. | ||
| And the goal of that... | ||
| They didn't know much about it except they knew they would make the cattle... | ||
| More lean. | ||
| It would increase the muscle mass, decrease the fat, but it would work the opposite way of steroids somehow. | ||
| It was so that they could appeal to a more health conscious market. | ||
| They could sell leaner meat, less fat. | ||
| But the thing is that if it's going to become legal, then by the virtue of the fact that when people eat the meat, They're going to get a minute trace of this drug in the meat. | ||
| Now they have to not only test the drug on people, but they have to test how much can the people withstand of that drug. | ||
| Oh my god! | ||
| This is fucking terrifying! | ||
| They knew that it was going to increase our heart rates. | ||
| And so the target for this study was to give it to us until... | ||
| Somebody in the study had their resting heart rate, laying down resting 150 beats a minute. | ||
| And it turned out that I had the fucking most badass heart in the study. | ||
| The only time I went over 100 was when the guy monitoring my heart with the ultrasound thing, you know, they show the baby on the screen. | ||
| He was telling me stories about killing people in Vietnam or some shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| Yeah, it was telling me war stories, and that got my heart. | ||
| What kind of stories was he telling you? | ||
| I can't remember. | ||
| He was in the war, and he killed people. | ||
| He's telling you while he's doing an ultrasound in your heart? | ||
| I could kill you right now. | ||
| I'll kill people. | ||
| The same guy, when he was looking at it, it showed your blood going in your heart, red and coming out of your heart, blue, on the screen. | ||
| It was really fucking cool. | ||
| And I just had a strong heart. | ||
| He said, man, what a squeeze. | ||
| What a squeeze. | ||
| What a squeeze. | ||
| So it's just gone through a lot. | ||
| Strengthened it. | ||
| Yeah, and I was homeless anyway. | ||
| They gave you 2,000 bucks? | ||
| Dude, I did that in Austin, Texas, too. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Yeah, that was in Austin, Texas at this place called Pharmaco LSR. You know, I told you I got in the van with that guy, and we drove out to Northern California to Lake Tahoe to try and get jobs washing dishes at Squaw Valley to get free snowboard passes. | ||
| But it wasn't snowing so then we went to fucking Colorado and I got a job like cleaning a meat room at a supermarket and that sucked so I got one with this other dude and drove to Austin, Texas and slept on a roof until we got into the medical study and then we left with two grand. | ||
| And we were stoked. | ||
| And then I wound up getting a car and following the Grateful Dead and selling drugs. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| And I was homeless for like three years. | ||
| And periodically I'd get my hands on cameras and do really fucked up shit. | ||
| I was getting video footage. | ||
| But ultimately, I just fucking was really bummed, dude. | ||
| After three years, I couldn't take anymore. | ||
| And I reached out to my sister. | ||
| And she let me move in with her in Albuquerque. | ||
| And I was like... | ||
| I would eat all her food, and I wouldn't fucking work, and I had no money, and if I did have money, I was loaded, and I was loud. | ||
| So when my sister found out about Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Billy Clown College, she's like, dude, this could be the way to get my brother the fuck out of my house. | ||
| She told me about it. | ||
| I got home, and she's like, how are you getting to Denver by Monday? | ||
| And I hitchhiked from Albuquerque to Denver, and I got there in two rides, and just fucking went apeshit. | ||
| Have you written a book? | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Is this all in the book? | ||
| Totally, dude. | ||
| My book's like, it barely made the New York Times bestseller list. | ||
| But that's because you didn't come on here first. | ||
| Probably, yeah. | ||
| Dude, if people had heard these fucking stories and knew that they were in the book, oh my god. | ||
| It barely made the New York Times bestseller list, but what I'm most proud of, my book is my masterpiece, man. | ||
| On Amazon, The cumulative average rating is a full 5 out of 5 stars. | ||
| There's no fucking partial stars. | ||
| Even people who hate me and want to hate my book, give it a fucking 5 star. | ||
| Did you write it yourself? | ||
| I worked with a writer on it, but I don't think anybody has been more involved in the collaboration. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| We bounced all that shit back and forth. | ||
| I'm like, dude, I would never use that word. | ||
| I worked my dick off on that fucking book. | ||
| Your story's fucking insane. | ||
| It's like it just has layers upon layers upon layers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, thanks, man. | |
| You know? | ||
| And that's kind of like what's dope about the fucking comedy show, man. | ||
| I'm just really bummed to retire my shit, you know? | ||
| How are you retiring it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you mean? | |
| Well, you know, you retire material once the fucking special comes out. | ||
| Yeah, we make new stuff. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Yeah, please. | ||
| It's an opportunity for growth. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You want to be a comedy factory, not a comedy warehouse. | ||
| That's one way to look at it. | ||
| Yeah, that's the only way to look at it. | ||
| Well, your comedy should kind of represent who you are right now. | ||
| If you're doing comedy from 20 years ago, it doesn't really represent who you are right now. | ||
| Right, of course. | ||
| I told you, the history is super condensed, so that it's funny. | ||
| When I say about how I graduated from Ringling Brothers and Barnum& Bailey Clown College, I wasn't one of the clowns who got a fucking contract with the circus. | ||
| So I had to borrow money to get a fucking Greyhound bus back to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where I hung my fancy clown costume in the fucking closet. | ||
| And sold shitty weed. | ||
| And the bags of fucking weed I sold did not weigh anywhere near what they were supposed to weigh. | ||
| But my life fucking sucked really bad. | ||
| But after I got done ripping you off, at least I would show you a fucking epic, unbelievable, cool trick. | ||
| Like this one. | ||
| And then on that point, we'll fucking bring the table out and I'm going to fucking show you the most incredible bar trick ever. | ||
| So when did you put this book out? | ||
| 2011. Did you go on the full tour, do all these radio shows? | ||
| I mean, I did like radio tour. | ||
| I went on Howard Stern. | ||
| Well, see, that must have helped, right? | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I didn't do like terrible, you know. | ||
| But I feel like you need like a platform where you could just talk for hours and hours and hours. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It'd be cool if I had like a podcast too. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| Everybody's tired of me going, dude, you should have a podcast. | ||
| I should sell a t-shirt that says, dude, you should have a podcast. | ||
| I've said it to so many people. | ||
| Unfortunately, a lot of those fucking people took you up on it. | ||
| Not every podcast is the Joe Rogan experience, dude. | ||
| It's the most fucking annoying question ever. | ||
| Like, hey, will you do my podcast? | ||
| When you get cornered by your buddy and like, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they're not. | ||
| But it's one of those things where you've got to kind of work at it. | ||
| It doesn't seem like you have to work on it. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Like stand-up is sort of the same way. | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Like when we were doing Kill Tony last night. | ||
| It's one of the things I wanted to tell people. | ||
| It seems like it's just you talking, but you have to figure out how people are perceiving you. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| And that's a big part of doing a podcast too, but you would be really good at it. | ||
| You really would. | ||
| I think it would be good, man. | ||
| If you just did like one a week, it would take you a year or two to run out of stories. | ||
| I mean, not even necessarily. | ||
| Who knows if you're going to tell us stories about shit that happened or what's going on? | ||
| Yeah, man, of course, dude. | ||
| Do you have a guy that you could do it with where you could bounce shit off him? | ||
| Do you have a good buddy that you vibe well with? | ||
| I've thought about doing it. | ||
| You know, there's this fucking platform, this... | ||
| Whatchamacallit? | ||
| It's called YouNow. | ||
| One of these streaming things like Periscope or Meerkat. | ||
| Dude, this is so crazy. | ||
| YouNow and everybody who is a user of this platform Like, it has an account that they, like, put money into. | ||
| And so the way it works is, like, while you're streaming, like, their questions show up and they want you to answer their questions. | ||
| So they'll, like, they have, like, different denominations of, like, money that they, like... | ||
| You're a cam girl now. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right! | |
| I swear! | ||
| My agents bullied me into doing it. | ||
| I tried it, right? | ||
| And I just sat there just telling stories to the fans that were fucking watching. | ||
| And by the end of it, I was on there for 39 minutes, and then I fucking ended the stream, and it's like, you just made $1,000! | ||
|
unidentified
|
What? | |
| I need to jump on that right now. | ||
| I felt like a fucking panhandler. | ||
| It is very Cam Girl-esque. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But if you did that all the time, it would probably at least pay for a studio if you set up a studio somewhere. | ||
| I mean, for sure. | ||
| But you don't want, see, you don't want people to have to pay to ask you questions. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't. | |
| Like I said, I felt like a fucking panhandler and I hated it and I haven't done it since, you know? | ||
| I did this show, and the guy who promoted the show, I didn't know about it, something that Brian Callen set up. | ||
| Love that guy, man. | ||
| What a fucking guy. | ||
| But this guy had set it up, and I love Brian, too, but he doesn't pay attention to shit. | ||
| He's not, like, real good with details. | ||
| I had to ask him a bunch of questions about the show. | ||
| Like, hey, man, there's a guy who's a DJ who's saying that he's spinning records in between us. | ||
| Is there a fucking break in between us where there's a DJ coming? | ||
| I'll check, I'll check. | ||
| It's just you and I. I get there, it's not just me and him. | ||
| It's me, him, there's a fucking MC, three local comics, a girl who's doing 20 minutes, and it was a disaster. | ||
| We had to clean up this giant mess. | ||
| On this podcast? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| It was a comedy show. | ||
| I gotcha. | ||
| But anyway, the guy had made people pay extra to take pictures, to meet us and take pictures. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ah, that's the worst. | |
| Exactly. | ||
| And I said, dude, you can't do that. | ||
| I would never do that, and you can't do that. | ||
| You can't do that. | ||
| I take pictures with everybody. | ||
| I'll do a theater, and I'll wait for hours, and I'll take pictures with a thousand fucking people. | ||
| You can't charge people an extra 20 bucks to take pictures with me. | ||
| But this guy did it on his own. | ||
| He did it on his own as a promoter. | ||
| And this is all shit that Callan just didn't pay attention to. | ||
| The way I do that, and Brian's cool about taking pictures as well. | ||
| Oh yeah, no, he is totally cool. | ||
| He just didn't pay attention. | ||
| He just let this guy handle everything, who we didn't need in the first place. | ||
| You know, what do you need? | ||
| We don't need a promoter. | ||
| Twitter, that's the promoter. | ||
| Let people know you're there. | ||
| They show up. | ||
| It's not that hard. | ||
| What is this promoter, in quotes, doing? | ||
| What is he doing? | ||
| He's just trying to get his friends on the show and trying to charge extra to take pictures. | ||
| It was stupid. | ||
| But that's a gross model. | ||
| The model of people having to pay for VIP entrance or all that gross shit. | ||
| Meet and greet. | ||
| The one thing, though, is that the cell phone pictures take fucking forever. | ||
| So what I do is I have my website built where I take the pictures myself. | ||
| I'm so good at it. | ||
| I stole your idea. | ||
| We stole that. | ||
| Jamie comes with me to some shows and takes pictures and we upload them. | ||
| It's better, yeah, dude. | ||
| It takes way quicker. | ||
| It's like one-third the time. | ||
| It's better, too, if you take them yourself because that way when the flash goes off, you turn the camera around and you can show the people their pictures so they can see it for quality control. | ||
| Don't let them see it. | ||
| Oh, yeah? | ||
| Because then they go, oh my god, take that again. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god, delete it. | |
| I do it. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| The worst is girls who look at photos of themselves and everything's great. | ||
| Like, oh my god, I hate that picture. | ||
| Do it again. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| No, this is what you look like. | ||
| Yeah, but that's the thing. | ||
| For me, my camera's so fast, it's just boom. | ||
| You're like, oh no? | ||
| Okay, boom. | ||
| Half the time, I don't like it. | ||
| Oh no? | ||
| You don't like it? | ||
| Half the time, I don't like it, so I'll take another one. | ||
| Why don't you like it? | ||
| Whatever, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't like the way my teeth look. | |
| I just want the people to be really happy. | ||
| I want them to be super happy with it because I know that when they go to my website and pull it, that they're going to post it. | ||
| On their fucking, all their social media. | ||
| And I know that they're going to post it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| And then that's sort of my grassroots way of letting people know what the fuck I'm doing. | ||
| Yeah, no, it's a smart move. | ||
| And I started doing it right after I heard you did it. | ||
| I think Brian told me about it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And a bunch of people do that now. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And Gabriel does that too, right? | ||
| Doesn't Gabriel Gacy do something like that, similar? | ||
| It's a smart move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| At the end of every show, I say, okay, now I'm going to, like, before I do my last fucking amazing stunt, I'm going to do... | ||
| I want to thank you guys for coming out and giving me a shot at stand-up. | ||
| When I walk off the stage, I'm not going anywhere until I take a photo with every single one of you guys. | ||
| And here's how you get them. | ||
| You go to my fucking website, and I explain it real easy, and I say it. | ||
| And one last thing, if you want to get out of here a little quicker, the good news is I'm a New York Times bestselling author, and I've got my fucking book, and I've got my fucking hats, my shirts. | ||
| And if you guys want to get any of this shit, Then that puts you to the front of the line. | ||
| So I have a merch line and then a photo. | ||
| Oh, I see. | ||
| So you have to go to the merch line first to get to the photo line. | ||
| Exit through the gift shop. | ||
| You're fucking Disneyland, dude. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, that's the thing. | |
| I'm still going to take a picture with every single fucking person. | ||
| It's just that I'm going to take a picture with the people who buy merch first, you know? | ||
| And so, like, a lot of people would be like, oh, well, fuck, man, like, I don't want to, you know, and I tell them, like, if you don't want to get anything, that's great, but please just, like, hang out, like, have a drink, whatever, like, just fucking stick around and get that picture so I can thank you in person. | ||
| And a lot of people will think, like, man, like, you know, I want to get a picture, you know, I don't really want to buy anything, but, like, fuck, I'll just buy something to get the fuck out of here. | ||
| So, like, you end up selling, like, way more merch, you know? | ||
| And nobody feels like you're a dick, you know? | ||
| You still stick around and take a photo with every one of the fuckers. | ||
| The only problem with selling things is you gotta deal with people like, $20, dude! | ||
| Like those people, like, ugh. | ||
| Just stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Don't buy it. | |
| Don't buy it. | ||
| How many people are out there buying and selling fucking a one fucking side, one color fucking shirt for 35, 40 bucks? | ||
| Like, Andrew Dice Clay sells like a fucking one color screen. | ||
| Brings five shirts. | ||
| Yeah, he actually brings like five shirts and he auctions them off. | ||
| Oh, I never heard about that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, no. | |
| He sells shirts for like $500. | ||
| I'm not kidding. | ||
| Yeah, I charge $20 for whatever, but I sign every last book. | ||
| So I say like, hey, you know, you can have a five-star New York Times bestseller that's autographed by the author and a picture and $20. | ||
| I don't feel bad about that. | ||
| No, it's great for a book. | ||
| You know, a book for 20 bucks is a great deal. | ||
| You think about the amount of time it costs, you know, reading a book, the amount of time that you spend being entertained by that book. | ||
| Books are like the greatest bargain ever. | ||
| Yeah, I love it, man. | ||
| Books take days to read, you know? | ||
| Yeah, I love that shit, man. | ||
| But in any case, I'm so excited, man, that you have like as much of a reach as you do, man, because I really, we gotta fucking get this Paramount Theater in Austin fucking packed, man. | ||
| That show is gonna be like, that's my showtime special. | ||
| Well, you're going to leave here, and your phone is going to be buzzing off the hook with your manager going, Did you say you were going to light the Paramount on fire? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're lighting people on fire? | |
| Like, what are you doing on fire? | ||
| No, no, it's a huge stage. | ||
| Dude, there's plenty of time to get out of the room. | ||
| Don't worry. | ||
| Everybody will be alive. | ||
| There's no great white. | ||
| There was like 23 people that just died recently at a fire on stage. | ||
| It just happened again where two people in the band even died where Yeah Was it Sweden or something happened? | ||
| It sparked on the side of the stage and immediately the whole place caught on fire. | ||
| It's a great way. | ||
| Pyrotechnics, dude. | ||
| It's not worth it. | ||
| We used to have those in the UFC. We used to have these fucking giant opening shows. | ||
| Actually, I don't think we had... | ||
| Yeah, we did have fire, I believe. | ||
| But in Joel de Oliveira, it was like this famous fighter from Brazil and he was fighting in pride and they accidentally lit him on fire. | ||
| And he was on his way to the ring, and they do the boom when you're walking through this gateway. | ||
| And they fucked up the timing. | ||
| They lit this fucking dude on fire as he's on his way into the ring and burnt him. | ||
| And then they said, you'll be back. | ||
| We'll give you more money. | ||
| And so he took like a year off, healed up his fucking 18 degree burns, and came back a year later and fought again. | ||
| Do you have anything, like, when you go to the doctor, do you have anything that bothers you still to this day from, like, a past stunt? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know you have, like, a BB in your navel, don't you? | |
| Yeah, I got, like, BBs stuck in my body, but that's my choice. | ||
| I have, you know, I mean, fake teeth. | ||
| It's not a choice. | ||
| Like, fake teeth and shitty tattoos is most of it, but, like, my esophagus is fucked. | ||
| What's wrong with your esophagus? | ||
| Tomorrow morning, I have a... | ||
| Like, the way you're talking? | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is not natural? | |
| No, it's just, like, I have a... | ||
| Whatchamacallit, like, a Barrett's esophagus that's, like... | ||
| You know, like warning signs for esophageal cancer from just like acid reflux and, I don't know, drugs and shitty living and vomiting. | ||
| Do you take care of yourself now? | ||
| Are you healthy? | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| I'm going in for an endoscopy tomorrow morning. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No cigarettes? | |
| I haven't smoked in... | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're a vegetarian now, right? | |
| Yeah, vegan. | ||
| You haven't smoked in... | ||
| Seven years. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| So right when you started getting sober. | ||
| Yeah, well, I was five months sober when I gave up cigarettes. | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| And I haven't smoked weed since March 9th of 2008. So, um, no coffee? | ||
| And thanks for not smoking weed for this one. | ||
| Oh, no worries, man. | ||
| I appreciate it. | ||
| No worries. | ||
| I wouldn't want to get you secondhand lambasted. | ||
| Although, people keep telling me that's bullshit, but I know it's not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I've had... | |
| I just, like... | ||
| I don't really give a fuck if people drink around me, but the weed, because I'm breathing it in, the problem is it fucking smells great, man. | ||
| Who doesn't love the smell of weed, you know? | ||
| It smells great, and I do believe secondhand smoke gets you high. | ||
| I don't think it gets you as high as smoking pot, but I think secondhand smoke still affects you. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even want to fuck with it. | ||
| Yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| Super grateful. | ||
| So, vegan? | ||
| You're vegan? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| There's a whole other fucking... | ||
| There's a major other door. | ||
| What? | ||
| Which other door? | ||
| Well, like... | ||
| And this... | ||
| I mean, I'm going to fucking let people see this in Austin or at the Showtime. | ||
| But it's like, you know, so I fucking go to rehab and get sober and the whole deal. | ||
| And then it's like, alright, well... | ||
| It's great that I've learned how to live without fucking drugs and alcohol, but now I'm going to have to address my sex addiction. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You used to have a guy that followed me around. | |
| Oh yeah, I still travel with a professional cock blocker. | ||
| That was my deal, dude. | ||
| It's a mean joke, I tell, but I'd say I'm fucking 41 now and I'm looking at my future. | ||
| You know, like, I don't want to be 51 and falling apart and trying to hump everything that moves. | ||
| I don't want to turn into Pauly Shore. | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| How dare you? | ||
| I mean, if there's a guy. | ||
| I'm sure there's a few other guys. | ||
| But you could be Lemmy from Motorhead. | ||
| You could just fucking ride that boat right into the rocks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Vince Neil. | |
| Vince Neil. | ||
| I would go with Lemmy before I would go with Vince Neil. | ||
| But Lemmy from Motorhead's like 70. But the thing is, it's like... | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| I just, like, honestly, man, I was like, fuck, dude. | ||
| Like, I believe that you're married, right? | ||
| And it's like, I really believe that, like, to be, like, happy, you know, like, it's important to fucking have a life partner and not run around trying to fuck everybody and screwing them over, you know? | ||
| That's the deal. | ||
| How can I give so much of a fuck about animals that I won't fucking eat an animal, but I have no respect for women at all? | ||
| It doesn't add up. | ||
| So on my fucking path, and once I got into the meditation, I've been doing transcendental meditation for two and a half years now, and once I got into that, it was just glaring like a fucking flashing red light. | ||
| Stop fucking screwing over chicks, you know, and fucking using them up and throwing them away. | ||
| And just like, you know, like, and whatever, if I'm on the road, like, fucking hooking up with all the chicks, it's just like, it just became clear, like, that's pretty much like a path to being fucking miserable. | ||
| And it's a type of addiction. | ||
| Yeah, for sure, because it's like anything else. | ||
| So, like, you know, I've made myself, like, a promise. | ||
| I'm like, okay, from now on, I want to fucking learn how to be in a healthy relationship because I feel like that's how I'm going to be happy, and so I'm going to fucking, from here on out, I'm not going to I'm not gonna fuck random chicks. | ||
| I'm not gonna stop trying to get my dick sucked everywhere. | ||
| You know? | ||
| But I couldn't do it, man. | ||
| Like, everywhere. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You have, like, lines of women at your show. | |
| Stop and think about how funny that is. | ||
| All the stuff you've done to get out of drugs, and you've gotten to rehab for 30 days, like, I could do it, you know, one step at a time. | ||
| 12 days. | ||
| Well, but the thing I told you, like, I'm gonna walk off the fucking stage. | ||
| I'm not gonna go anywhere and take a picture with everybody. | ||
| So the whole fucking audience basically gets in a line, and it's an audition to see who gets to suck my dick then. | ||
| Oh my goodness. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| So you have a guy there that's... | ||
| Well, I'm all due. | ||
| I fucking did the whole thing. | ||
| I mean, I remember, like, And that guy gets his dick sucked. | ||
| No, because he's in the fucking sex program, too. | ||
| Oh, wait, there's a sex program? | ||
| There's a whole program? | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you need somebody to oversee both of you guys. | |
| Right. | ||
| I mean, whatever. | ||
| I'm stoked on it, man, because now I'm fucking... | ||
| I got in therapy, the whole deal. | ||
| Which is hilarious, because my whole story arc is pretty epic to go from where I was at to where I'm at now. | ||
| You know, at the end, I think at the end of the show I'm gonna have to fucking break out my old lightbulb trick and fucking slash my shit and bleed everywhere. | ||
| No, let's not do that. | ||
| Just because, like, to fucking, to try to fucking, like, by the end of my fucking show, it's like, okay, so now I'm like a fucking vegan and, you know, like, trying not to get my dick sucked, you know, like, clean and sober, like, fucking healthy eater, you know, meditating. | ||
| Like, the least I can do is fucking... | ||
| Bleed all over myself. | ||
| You're a vegan because you love animals. | ||
| That's how I got into it, yeah. | ||
| Okay, but you feed your animals animals. | ||
| I do feed my dog food that has fish in it. | ||
| And I just adopted a cat. | ||
| Right, and the same thing, right? | ||
| They just don't fucking like vegan dog food. | ||
| Well, it's terrible. | ||
| I did it for a while. | ||
| It's not good for their bodies. | ||
| They have to be at the point of hunger where you're willing to eat your own fucking food. | ||
| But isn't that kind of fucked up? | ||
| You know, it's like you're choosing the animals that you love. | ||
| You're feeding these animals other animals that were captive and murdered. | ||
| I mean, if you want to be like super black and white like PETA, then I guess, you know? | ||
| It's not even like PETA. I mean, that's the reality of animals. | ||
| Right. | ||
| I mean, I just, like, I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I hear that like the, even in my fucking canvas You know, slip on Vans, that there's some kind of animal products in the rubber. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah, a lot of rubber. | ||
| I'm not going to not get photographed because there's animal products in the film. | ||
| You know, you just can't do everything 100% percent. | ||
| I just do the best I can, and I feel better for doing it. | ||
| Yeah, no, the animal thing is weird when people are super self-righteous about killing animals and yet they have pets. | ||
| For sure. | ||
| I've had a real issue with that with people. | ||
| Hey, I get it, man. | ||
| It's a blind spot. | ||
| That's why I'm really fucking committed to not trying to tell other people what to do. | ||
| Have your Whopper, man. | ||
| I don't care. | ||
| Eat all the meat you want. | ||
| I don't give a fuck. | ||
| I'm just happier myself trying to... | ||
| And why vegan? | ||
| What about like farm fresh eggs or things along those lines where nothing gets harmed? | ||
| I was fucking with fish and eggs for like a while. | ||
| I only recently went back to being fully vegan. | ||
| But, you know, it was because I'm fucking feel tired all the time. | ||
| I'm like, man, what is it? | ||
| I think it's my diet. | ||
| And I think if I eat fish and eggs, then all of a sudden I'll have more energy. | ||
| But it didn't happen. | ||
| No. | ||
| And then I fucking had a sleep study. | ||
| It turned out I got sleep apnea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Do you use a CPAP machine? | ||
| No, I use a mouthpiece. | ||
| I try the CPAP and I can't fucking do it, so now I gotta get the mouthpiece. | ||
| I'll turn you on to a doctor that's local that makes a really good one. | ||
| A lot of people that have it, it's your tongue. | ||
| I have a fat tongue. | ||
| Yeah, me too, I think. | ||
| And I went to this physician to get cleared for a TV show. | ||
| And she was shining the light in the back of my throat. | ||
| She said, do you feel like you sleep a whole night and wake up and you're still tired? | ||
| I'm like, yes! | ||
| She says, well, in the back of your throat, it's really narrow. | ||
| And I think that's going to cause a sleep apnea. | ||
| Yeah, the hole's narrow. | ||
| Yeah, I have that too. | ||
| And also, they've talked to me about getting an operation when they take out your adenoids and your tonsils and It's pretty intense, and it sucks for like a week, but then after it's over you have a larger hole, and that larger hole's better for sleeping, but this mouthpiece serves me well. | ||
| Do you still get up to piss as much? | ||
| Oh, yeah, if I have to piss. | ||
| I try not to drink before I go to bed, like right before I go to bed, but if I do, yeah. | ||
| I piss a lot, dude. | ||
| Do you drink a lot? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You need sodium in your life. | |
| Lately, I've been trying. | ||
| I got a fucking big fucking water pitcher. | ||
| Next time I bet on the floor, so I just pick it up and piss into it and put it back down. | ||
| My friend Matt Serra, who's a former UFC welterweight champion when I first met him, He had this gym in Long Island, and he used to sleep in the basement of his gym. | ||
| He used to teach and then go downstairs and sleep. | ||
| And he had this jug right next to the bed, because fighters would drink gallons of water in a day. | ||
| They'd drink water all the time and flush their system out, and he would just whip his dick out, stick it in the hole. | ||
| He'd go with his accent, he goes, I didn't even get out of bed! | ||
| I would turn sideways, put my dick in the hole, piss. | ||
| Pull it out. | ||
| Put the jug down. | ||
| Right back to sleep. | ||
| Oh, dude. | ||
| So great, man. | ||
| This one water pitcher. | ||
| I don't have a very big dick or anything, but I don't even really have to tip over, man, because it's got... | ||
| A little spout thing? | ||
| It's like one of those classic Kool-Aid fucking... | ||
|
unidentified
|
When Kool-Aid breaks through the wall? | |
| Yeah, it's the Kool-Aid kind, so I just flop my dick on it. | ||
| Good to go. | ||
| So when you got a sleep study, they put all the electrodes on you and all that jazz? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, for sure. | |
| And how many times did you wake up in an hour? | ||
| They said that it was actually like mild to moderate, but still, man, I noticed it, dude. | ||
| I gotta get that fucking mouthpiece. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, you should lose weight. | ||
| Losing weight is the big one. | ||
| It's like with Joey Diaz. | ||
| Joey Diaz uses the CPAP machine, but he didn't used to have to have that. | ||
| It's like when he got really big. | ||
| That's when he really developed. | ||
| Because the more fat you have, it all closes everything off. | ||
| When you see people with giant jowls, well, guess what? | ||
| That fat's everywhere. | ||
| It's inside your face. | ||
| It's inside your neck. | ||
| And all that fat will close off the hole. | ||
| And when you lay back and your tongue falls over that hole, there's no air. | ||
| And it's... | ||
| Right. | ||
| I had to wake a guy up, man. | ||
| I was on a plane. | ||
| This fucking guy was not breathing for like minutes at a time and then gacking and coughing. | ||
| And I didn't wake him up, but I talked to him when he woke up. | ||
| And I said, hey man, have you ever gotten checked for sleep apnea? | ||
| Because he was snoring the most ungodly snore. | ||
| That's so funny, man. | ||
| But it wasn't always a snore. | ||
| I'm thinking you're saying, motherfucker, wake up! | ||
| Stop snoring! | ||
| He's all caring about the guy. | ||
| It's like when he said, I'm thinking, man, I'm going to get sued. | ||
| You're not worried about the kid that's got spiked on his head? | ||
| You're a good guy! | ||
| I try to be. | ||
| But this poor guy was freaking me out because he was making these noises. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like... | |
| And then he would go back to like... | ||
| And then it would be nothing. | ||
| No sound. | ||
| And I'm awake because I was writing. | ||
| And it was on a long flight. | ||
| And I looked over at this guy. | ||
| And I'm noticing he's very overweight. | ||
| And he's just lying there like this. | ||
| No movement. | ||
| No breathing. | ||
| No movement at all in his chest. | ||
| Then all of a sudden... | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh my god. | |
| Like, I mean, he would go... | ||
| I mean, I'm exaggerating over saying minutes, but he would definitely go 40 seconds. | ||
| Like, I timed it. | ||
| I forget what the time was, but I remember being alarmed. | ||
| And I remember sitting up going, okay, I gotta talk to this guy. | ||
| And I had my mouthpiece with me, because I bring it in my bag. | ||
| It moves your lower jaw forward? | ||
| No, no, no, no. | ||
| Mine doesn't. | ||
| Mine actually just depresses my tongue down. | ||
| It depends on what kind of sleep apnea you have. | ||
| I have the central one, I think they said. | ||
| I don't know what's the difference. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Joey would know more than anyone, because Joey's got it real bad. | ||
| Joey needs the CPAP. He has to have air blow in his hole. | ||
| Where's Joey at, man? | ||
| I love that guy. | ||
| I love him, too. | ||
| He's probably smoking weed right now on Periscope. | ||
| But anyway, so the guy was kind of stirring and moving, and when he finally was opening his eyes and looking around, I talked to him. | ||
| And I had like a long sit down with him and I showed him the mouthpiece and I go, dude, you could die. | ||
| I go, you hold your breath. | ||
| I was going to film it, but I thought that would be rude to just film you. | ||
| But I mean, you're holding your breath for a long time. | ||
| Have you ever talked to anyone about it? | ||
| He's like, no, you know, my wife tells me I snore. | ||
| I go, dude, you don't just snore. | ||
| You're like choking to death. | ||
| You know, and there's a lot of people. | ||
| You don't know what happens when you go to sleep. | ||
| You're out. | ||
| When you sleep, you're out. | ||
| And when you're out like that, you're not getting any oxygen when you sleep. | ||
| You don't get into heavy REM sleep. | ||
| You're going to get into those deep cycles. | ||
| You just skirt the edges, and then you wake up because your body's gasping in panic mode. | ||
| And so you wake up after like eight hours of sleep, and you're still fucking exhausted. | ||
| That's Every day I feel like I could go back to bed right when I wake up. | ||
| Dude, you really should lose weight. | ||
| I mean, you know that's a big... | ||
| And so should Joey. | ||
| I mean, that's the big thing with Joey. | ||
| He's way, way, way overweight. | ||
| And he got down a while just like you did. | ||
| I mean, Joey lost like 80 fucking pounds at one point. | ||
| But he gets energy from that CPAP. He feels way better. | ||
| He travels with one. | ||
| He has this machine that he travels with that he has to check. | ||
| So he always has to check his luggage because his carry-on is his CPAP machine. | ||
| So he doesn't go anywhere without checking his luggage. | ||
| Every flight he takes, Joey brings that machine with him. | ||
| That's his security system. | ||
| You brought up earlier, you brought up Greg Fitzsimmons and that Bill Cosby thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What do you think about it? | |
| It makes me feel weird. | ||
| I don't like it. | ||
| It's misguided. | ||
| I love Greg, but I think it's misguided. | ||
| For folks who don't know what we're talking about, Greg has decided to start stealing Bill Cosby's material and doing it openly. | ||
| So he does these classic Bill Cosby bits, and then he lets everybody know in the middle of it that he's stealing Bill Cosby's bits to take away from him what is most precious. | ||
| But it doesn't really work because if someone tries to steal some shit off of like Shiny Happy Jihad or something like that, it's already on CD. I did it in fucking 2006. If you're stealing, you're not taking anything away from me. | ||
| You're just selling yourself short by stealing. | ||
| So if Greg does Bill Cosby's material, you don't ever take it away from him. | ||
| It's already recorded. | ||
| He doesn't even do that material anymore, so I don't think it's... | ||
|
unidentified
|
It seems like you're taking something negative and being negative about it. | |
| It just doesn't seem... | ||
| And I also think it just opens the door to people go, well, Greg stole Bill Cosby's jokes, you know? | ||
| But he says it on stage that he's stealing it. | ||
| He lets people know in the middle of it that he's stealing Bill Cosby's... | ||
| Greg Fitzsimmons steals Bill Cosby's bits now. | ||
| He's doing it on purpose to try to take something from Bill Cosby. | ||
| Like, this is the idea behind it. | ||
| Well, it sounds like... | ||
| Bill Cosby would be super psyched on that because it's like, wow, I'm getting credit for being funny, and it's distracting people from me being a racist. | ||
| It's like, wow, there's actually something good about Bill Cosby. | ||
| That's completely defeating. | ||
| Yeah, I think it's a gimmick. | ||
| I mean, I see what he's like. | ||
| He genuinely thinks the guy's disgusting. | ||
| It's genuine. | ||
| So let me glorify his comedy by... | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I don't get it either. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Maybe if I had him on and Greg, I'll have him on soon. | ||
| And he's going to be on soon, I guess. | ||
| We're talking about doing something within the next couple weeks. | ||
| So maybe he'll explain it better. | ||
| I just, I don't know. | ||
| I wouldn't want to have anything to do with it, you know? | ||
| There's some lady that was on, who was a legal expert, who was discussing it. | ||
| And she said he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history. | ||
| Which is fucking insane. | ||
| It's insane to look at it that way, that this guy, Mr. Huxtable, you know, the fucking guy from the TV show, the guy who had the squeaky clean comedy, the guy who did the bit about, you know, the football players saying, hi, mom, to his son on TV. This guy was like wholesome Mr. America in a sweater. | ||
| But none of these girls, like, the next morning go, God, what the fuck happened? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He raped me. | |
| I am going to the police. | ||
| This is all, you know, kind of, like, wishy-washy, like, yeah, I kind of felt weird that night, but no one really went right to the police, though, did they? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It just seems weird. | |
| It doesn't seem weird to me. | ||
| It seems like a lot of people just kind of, I don't know. | ||
| Well, listen, man, if you're a girl, okay, look at it this way. | ||
| You're some young girl who's trying to make it in show business, and you get brought into his office because he knows your parents or something like that. | ||
| that was a lot of the situation like he there was one of one situation was there was like a modeling company and he would contact the modeling company to get people on his show like you're looking to cast roles that didn't even exist and you have them in his only guy drug him and his own casting Yeah, I mean, he would bring them into his office and drug him. | ||
| Like, would you like a cappuccino? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you like a little cappuccino? | |
| And give him a cappuccino and fuck him. | ||
| I mean, just drug him. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It seems like if that were to happen, though, like, four hours later, this girl's going, like, I just went there for an interview, had a cappuccino, and he fucked me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like, it would go right to the gym. | |
| This is why, no. | ||
| Because I think, what I was going to say is, these are young girls that are probably completely overwhelmed that they're even in his presence. | ||
| Like, they can't even believe that they're meeting Bill Cosby. | ||
| So you're insanely starstruck. | ||
| And the fact that he's touching you puts you into a state of shock. | ||
| Like, you're fucked up. | ||
| And then you're confused because you wake up and you were drugged. | ||
| You don't know what happened. | ||
| And then you're embarrassed and horrified of it. | ||
| I mean, there's so many... | ||
| And then you're going to try and accuse Mr. Mr. Huxtable. | ||
| Exactly! | ||
| This is before the internet, man. | ||
| If a girl like that, if that happened today, a girl could go on her Facebook page and say, today I went on an audition with Bill Cosby and he drugged me and raped me. | ||
| And like, whoa! | ||
| Bam! | ||
| That takes off and it goes viral. | ||
| But back then, man, if you go to the fucking police, they might not say shit. | ||
| Or they might go to Cosby and Cosby might sue you. | ||
| But you've got to realize some women did. | ||
| And in 2005, he actually paid off women. | ||
| And that's why this all got more serious lately. | ||
| It's because they released the transcripts. | ||
| And the transcripts said that he admitted that he had drugged these girls. | ||
| He admitted it. | ||
| So, this did go to cops, and it didn't go out to the public. | ||
| So, it's like, it's not kind of weird. | ||
| It's just the amount of power and money this guy... | ||
| I mean, Bill Cosby's like a billionaire. | ||
| I mean, the amount of money that guy has is insane. | ||
| And the amount of power that kind of money has... | ||
| Where you're talking about just teams of lawyers that just try to figure out any sort of attack that they could do to try to mitigate any of the issues that are going on with people accusing him of all this crazy, you know, rape shit. | ||
| It's like... | ||
| He fought it for a long time. | ||
| He hasn't really publicly denied any of it, right? | ||
| No, he hasn't denied it at all. | ||
| He hasn't denied it at all. | ||
| He just doesn't talk about it. | ||
| One of the weirdest things that he said, he did this one interview, and he said, in all my years of show business, I've never seen anything like this. | ||
| Yeah, well that's called free speech. | ||
| This is what's going on now. | ||
| Everyone can talk now. | ||
| Now people can get online and talk about crimes that you committed. | ||
| You can't hide behind lawyers anymore. | ||
| You can't threaten them. | ||
| When you're a girl, you're barely paying your bills. | ||
| You're barely getting by. | ||
| And he offers you $20,000 or $100,000 to shut the fuck up. | ||
| And you have to sign some written agreement that says you never speak about this again. | ||
| You take that money. | ||
| That's what they do. | ||
| And that's what they did in 2005. And I don't know how much they got paid, but it's probably even more than that. | ||
| Probably a million. | ||
| I mean, when you're worth what that guy's made in his career, who knows what he's got left, but... | ||
| A hundred thousand here, a hundred thousand there for a guy like that is nothing. | ||
| He could silence a lot of shit by just keeping people quiet with money, you know? | ||
| And that's probably what happened when things came up. | ||
| I mean, I don't know. | ||
| And then there's also people with fear of being blackballed. | ||
| You know, being blackballed from show business when you're a struggling actress and you're barely getting by, the difference between Bill Cosby talking badly about you and accusing you of being a liar. | ||
| Like, who's gonna listen to you and who's gonna listen to him? | ||
| They gotta think that most people are gonna listen to Bill Cosby, and that could wreck your career before it ever gets started. | ||
| Just sink your ship. | ||
| And it seems like a lot of these girls that he preyed on were trying to make it in show business. | ||
| That was a big part of what he would attack. | ||
| He would go after these girls that were trying to become actresses, and he was like a mentor figure. | ||
| That was like the angle that he was presenting. | ||
| It's dark shit, man. | ||
| Yeah, how'd we get on that? | ||
| I'd take one piss, man. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, we're talking about Greg Fitzsimmons. | |
| Greg Fitzsimmons and his Bill Cosby strategy. | ||
| Yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's a little misguided, I think. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I mean, maybe Greg's got a better point. | ||
| Maybe we need to let him articulate it. | ||
| It's the darkest thing in all of the history of stand-up comedy, I think. | ||
| I mean, or close to it, you know? | ||
| I mean, what else? | ||
| There was that Vince Champ guy that was raping college girls and he got caught. | ||
| He would say, like, horrible shit to them, like, pray for me and stuff, like, while he's fucking them. | ||
| That guy's in jail for the rest of his life. | ||
| Cosby's just out running around. | ||
| I mean, it doesn't seem like there's any charges that are being put up against him. | ||
| And as far as I know, there's only one woman that the rape happened inside the Statue of Limitations. | ||
| I don't know what the Statue of Limitations is, but I think it's like... | ||
| Six or seven years? | ||
| That's it? | ||
| That seems fucked. | ||
| I think it's seven years, but that's kind of like, well, you know, it's a little wishy-washy. | ||
| Meaning, like, if you've raped somebody and you have great proof eight years later, I'm sure they're still gonna... | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I don't think that's the case. | ||
| I think a statute of limitations is pretty rock solid. | ||
| Is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like double jeopardy and shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's law. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| It's fucked up. | ||
| We've talked about that so many times. | ||
| It's a subject that's been beaten to death. | ||
| But it seems like it's so significant that you kind of have to beat it to death. | ||
| It's hard to believe. | ||
| Imagine if that was like your dad or something like that. | ||
| Imagine if you found out your dad was a fucking serial rapist. | ||
| Or your mom even. | ||
| Your mom's drugging dudes and sucking their dicks. | ||
| Taking pictures. | ||
| Taking selfies. | ||
| I remember an old bit I saw you do about if your son came home from school and told you that his teacher sucked his dick, how pissed you would be. | ||
| Don't you ever ruin that! | ||
| No, it's that he called the cops. | ||
| That's who it was. | ||
| My son called the police. | ||
| How does someone ever find out that a female teacher molests a kid? | ||
| One of those pussies has to open his mouth. | ||
| Like, where was his dad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| If my son did that, I would be pissed. | ||
| I'd be like, dude, you're fine. | ||
| Okay? | ||
| There's a giant difference between a woman molesting a boy and a man molesting a girl. | ||
| I don't think it should be encouraged, but it's certainly not the same. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Did you hear about Anonymous releasing all the KKK members' information? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good! | |
| Supposedly there's a lot of U.S. senators, police. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Good! | |
| I applaud you, Anonymous. | ||
| I feel like Anonymous, overall, across the board, does more good shit I hear very, very few bad accusations on their part. | ||
| Almost everything they do, I agree with. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Like it. | ||
| Good. | ||
| Fuck the KKK. Fuck all those crazy fucking Stone Age assholes who give a shit about the origin of birth of your great-great-great-grandparents. | ||
| You're not pure! | ||
|
unidentified
|
You're not of the pure race! | |
| It's going to be interesting, though, because supposedly there's some Ferguson police that are involved in this, and the whole list officially gets released, I think, next week or this week. | ||
| Meanwhile, Brian's on it. | ||
| Well, they could just put your name on it, man, if somebody wanted to fuck with you. | ||
| Steve-O's in the KKK. What? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You've kind of morphed. | ||
| It's really fascinating. | ||
| I mean, seeing you go from being this wild, crazy, ketamine-snorting psychopath, jumping off roofs and shit and damaging your body to being this vegan who's trying to live a kind life and trying to be nice to people and you don't want to... | ||
| Randomly hook up with girls because you want to have a meaningful relationship and you're taking care of animals and fuck SeaWorld. | ||
| It's really amazing to see you become this. | ||
| Yeah, you know, I mean every once in a while I got to do something pretty fucked up just to make sure that I'm not a total pussy. | ||
| Well, I didn't meet you until you were sober. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, I missed the crazy train. | ||
| I've kept it pretty crazy sober, too, though. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, no doubt. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, just explaining what you're planning on doing at Paramount before they found out about it. | ||
| Do you think there's going to be a Jackass 4K or something like that? | ||
| I don't think so, man. | ||
| Everybody's getting old and fucking injuries. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The last one was so great. | |
| I'm working my dick off to get my own movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah? | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Like... | ||
| Sort of like the Bad Grandpa format, but instead of... | ||
| Oh my god, it was Bad Grandpa Good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, yeah. | |
| That was a funny, funny fucking movie. | ||
| I cried when he got his dick stuck in that machine. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| That was one of the funny... | ||
| That was a funny fucking movie that I don't think... | ||
| It was really good. | ||
| I don't think it got enough credit. | ||
| I really don't think it got as much credit as it deserved. | ||
| I think it did well. | ||
| It was number one. | ||
| But it's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen in my life. | ||
| And when you talk about, like, funny all-time movies, very few people bring up Bad Grandpa. | ||
| I think they should. | ||
| I think it's a goddamn epic movie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's some kids shitting on the wall, and when he's dancing, he's dancing pretty funny. | |
| That kid's awesome. | ||
| I love the kid in there. | ||
| When he goes to the black club, and he's with all the ladies, and he's dancing? | ||
| Come on. | ||
| Fuck yeah, dude. | ||
| It's a fucking epic movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So do you have a movie that worked out, or do you have an idea? | ||
| Pretty much, yeah. | ||
| I'm gonna, like, keep the cards... | ||
| Close to your chest? | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| But I gotta deal with, you know, big-time movie producer guys, so... | ||
| Yeah, so now we're taking it and getting it written and then get the director and then take it to the studio is kind of a deal. | ||
| So we were talking about the damage that you've done. | ||
| It's early the fuck on, but... | ||
| We were talking about the damage you've done to your body before you went off to pee, and you said esophageal issues. | ||
| Yeah, I had what's called Barrett's esophagus. | ||
| But that's it? | ||
| Other than that? | ||
| Pretty much, yeah. | ||
| Bones and joints and back and neck? | ||
| Yeah, joints are all good. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| What about Knoxville? | ||
| Is he okay? | ||
| He's got some back issues, I think. | ||
| Is that from that bull? | ||
| Which bull? | ||
| The bull when he went blindfold and the bull lost him through the air? | ||
|
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Right, right. | |
| That wasn't a bull. | ||
| It was a yak. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| That was a yak? | ||
| I don't think that he got particularly hurt on that. | ||
| I think that one thing that did a lot of damage to him was early, early on... | ||
| Dropping in on a skateboard halfpipe, one of the big vert ramps, and he just fell straight to the flat bottom. | ||
| I remember hearing that turning the car hurts. | ||
| His shoulders fucked up. | ||
| He definitely did more damage because he didn't have the benefit of growing up falling off a skateboard, sort of learning how to fall down. | ||
| When he... | ||
| A lot of us are like sort of, you know... | ||
| I mean, I'm like, you know, sort of circus clown, acrobat, you know... | ||
| Lifelong fuck-up. | ||
| By trade, so... | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So, yeah, so I'm kind of more like... | ||
| I'm better at falling down without getting hurt. | ||
| Knoxville, like, falls down. | ||
| It's just me hitting the ground in the worst way, which is why his shit's always the best, you know? | ||
| Oh, yeah, that makes sense. | ||
| Because you can do flips and all that shit. | ||
| Right, yeah. | ||
| And you know how to fall with your body. | ||
| Yeah, I'm more like a cat when it gets down to it. | ||
| And Knoxville is just... | ||
| So I think that he's probably in worse shape. | ||
| But then again, at the same time, I think that he takes good care of himself. | ||
| I think maybe he's done some mending. | ||
| He had some disc issues. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Yeah, I've had a gang of those. | ||
| I accidentally did my own stunts for this Kevin James movie I was in. | ||
| I suck at riding bikes. | ||
| I had to ride a bike and I hit him with a flag. | ||
| Which Kevin James movie? | ||
| It was Zookeeper. | ||
| The guy that I'm telling you about is the one who did that movie. | ||
| Which guy? | ||
| Todd Garner. | ||
| Oh, the guy who, the producer? | ||
| I know Todd. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a good dude. | ||
| I love Todd. | ||
| So I had to hit the brake while I was riding a bike, and I was hitting him with this flag, but I'm hitting the front brake. | ||
| And when you hit the front brake, if it locks, you go flying over the top. | ||
| And I did it like three times. | ||
| We wind up using that in the movie instead of the stuntman, because I just want to go fucking flying. | ||
| But I'm pretty good at falling because I'm a lifelong martial artist. | ||
| I knew when I hit the ground that you can't just hit the ground. | ||
| You've got to kind of roll with it. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| But you really have a real strong appreciation for stunt people when you do something like that. | ||
| Because I go, well, I got through this, luckily, without getting hurt. | ||
| But if I had to do this every fucking day or every week, Some new thing where you've fallen off of a building or jumping off of a fucking moving car. | ||
| The potential for damaging yourself is super high. | ||
| When you hear about those people dying, it's always like some movie that no one's gonna give a fuck about. | ||
| Some racing motorcycle scene, a Steven Seagal movie, and someone dies, you know? | ||
| When you watch those crazy action movies, think about that. | ||
| Appreciate the fact that those people, they literally put their physical health and their life on the line for your entertainment. | ||
| I didn't think about it too much until I just fucked up and fell a few times on a bike in a movie. | ||
| Those guys do it on purpose all the time. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| That's right, man. | ||
| It's a fucking hard gig, man. | ||
| That's a hard gig. | ||
| And I'm going to do it on purpose at the fucking Paramount Day. | ||
|
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I want to see this now. | |
| I want to be there. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
|
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Go. | |
| Why don't you go? | ||
|
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I mean, yeah. | |
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| Fucking November 21st, man. | ||
| No one's holding you back. | ||
| All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's wrap this bitch up. | ||
| Steve O. Steve O. on Twitter. | ||
| Paramount Theater, November 21st. | ||
| Austin, Texas. | ||
| Austin, Texas. | ||
| I will be in Denver at that time. | ||
| I'm at the Belco Theater on November 21st with the great Ian Edwards and then the 20th. | ||
| Ian Edwards, epic. | ||
| I'm in Madison, Wisconsin, on the 20th. | ||
| All that shit is on my website, JoeRogan.net, in the tour section. | ||
| Brian, what do you got going on? | ||
| Wednesday, we're at the Comedy Store, me and you. | ||
|
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Oh, that's right. | |
| And Chris D'Elia. | ||
| Oh, that's right. | ||
| We have a secret show. | ||
| And also, me and Tony Hinchcliffe. | ||
| And then there's some secret guests. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, some secret guests. | |
| That would be really cool. | ||
| One that rhymes with Bosh. | ||
| Hopefully. | ||
| And also, me and Tony are bringing Kill Tony to Pittsburgh in Ohio Thanksgiving week. | ||
|
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It's November 27th. | |
| We'll be in Pittsburgh and November 29th in Ohio. | ||
|
unidentified
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Go to deathsquad.tv. | |
| Click on tour dates. | ||
| Yeehaw! | ||
| Alright, you fucks. | ||
| I've got a podcast in one hour with Chris Ryan, so I'll see you then. | ||
| Bye-bye. | ||
| Big kiss. | ||
| Yeah, dude. | ||
| Thanks, Joe. |
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